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About Rawknight

The opening refrain of “All Mighty Boo-Yaa” by the Boo-Yaa TRIBE sounds out around the Mandalay Bay Events Center. Va'aiga strides out into the arena and warms up for the crowd, throwing the Boo-Yah Combination as the opening chorus hits...
WEST COAST LUV!
PLAY Y'ALL HUH!
COMIN' THRU YA!
BOO-YAA!
And on the BOO-YAA from the Samoan rappers comes the throw of the Shaka Sign, a loud shout of “BOO-YAH!” from both The Maori Badass and the crowd and the throwing back of the hood of Va'aiga's entrance robe, all in perfect time with an enormous explosion of pyrotechnics. Funyon lifts the mic up to his lips and introduces the Maori competitor in this match,
“Introducing first, fighting out of Rotorua, New Zealand by way of Sunnyvale, California, he stands six foot eight inches tall and weighs in tonight at three hundred and fifty pounds, “The Maori Badass”, VAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAINNNNNNNGAAAAA!”
Stepping between the ring ropes, Va'aiga throws his entrance robe out to an attendant and leans against a corner, keeping his eyes on the entrance ramp. The riotous cheers for The Maori Badass die down a little as his opponent for tonight's entrance music is cued up, it's start signalled by the tolling of the bell and the heavy bass intro of Cliff Burton. Funyon again has his microphone ready,
“And his opponent, he weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty one pounds and fights out of Greenville, South Carolina. He is The Evil Genius, The Eidolon Of Excellence and The Mad Scientist Of The Mat, MIIIIIIICHAEEEEEL ALEEEEEXAAAAAAAAAAAANDERRRRRRR!”
As Alexander enters the ring, totally focussed on his massive Maori opponent, the chorus hits,
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS!
TIME MARCHES ON!
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS!
Referee Nick Soapdish checks over both men for foreign objects, finding none on either man and the two main-eventers from Genesis square off in the middle of the ring. Mak Francis is the first to speak on commentary following the introductions and pre-match formalities.
“So King, we have a rematch from Genesis, a match which Va'aiga won. How do you see this encounter going.”
“Well Mak,” replies The Suicide King, “You have the classic technique versus power match-up. Alexander is one of the best wrestlers I've ever seen on the mat and if he can keep The Maori grounded, he'll win the match with ease.”
“You can never underestimate how much damage Va'aiga can cause.”
“If you let him, Francis. And Michael Alexander is not in the habit of letting his opponent do what he wants to do.”
Throwing a couple of loose jabs to check his range, Va'aiga forces Alexander to keep his distance to start the match, showing that it would be foolish for the Mad Scientist to get too close without some form of a plan. Fortunately Alexander DOES have a plan and as he hops in to make Va'aiga throw, he hops out again, grabbing hold of The Maori's wrist. Alexander twists Va'aiga round into a top wristlock, then switches up and grabs a side headlock, latching on tight to The Maori's thick neck. Instinctively Va'aiga shoots off Alexander, sending The Mad Scientist into the ropes. On Alexander's return, Va'aiga shapes his body and drives a shoulder into Alexander's chest, sending the Eidolon of Excellence down to the mat. The Maori makes the throat slash motion and calls out to the crowd, “KIA MATĒ!” and drops down over the fallen Alexander, attempting to lock his arms around Alexander's shoulder and put pressure on The Mad Sceintist's throat...
“Is Va'aiga attempting an Arm Triangle, King?”
...but Alexander, the much superior technical athlete, is not about to let Va'aiga get even close to a submission, especially not this early in a match. Clasping his arms together to prevent Va'aiga from locking the hold in, Alexander calmly sweeps at Va'aiga's legs, landing the Maori flat on the mat next to him and then rolls away and takes a vertical base first, dusting himself off.
“If you are going to try to bust out something you learned by watching UFC, Michael Alexander is not the first opponent you want to try it on. He's in a class all by himself technically.”
Snorting derisively as he stands, Va'aiga stares down Michael Alexander with evil intent. Alexander looks to grab at the wrist of Va'aiga again, but this time the Maori closes the distance faster than The Mad Scientist expects and drives his forearm into Alexander's face. Stunned by this, Michael Alexander takes a few false steps backwards, allowing Va'aiga to pounce and take Alexander down with a Rugby Tackle! Va'aiga follows up by hammering away at The Mad Scientist's face with more forearms from the mount, but Alexander put a quick end to that, applying the rubber guard, holding Va'aiga down so he can't get the distance to fire off any more strikes. Alexander moves his legs up The Maori's body, looking maybe for a triangle choke but as Va'aiga starts to haul Alexander off the mat to counter into a powerbomb, Alexander releases the hold and rolls away, standing again.
“Always smart to any danger, Michael Alexander. He could see The Maori was looking to bomb him out of that hold, so he relinquished it himself to avoid any excess impact.”
“Michael Alexander is certainly one of the greatest technical wrestlers ever seen in the SWF, that's for sure King.”
“You could mention him in the same breath as a Tom Flesher. And that's high praise indeed.”
Charging in full tilt, Va'aiga drops his shoulder again and despite Alexander attempting to spin to a side and take an arm, Va'aiga's power drives straight through any defence The Mad Scientist can put up and his massive shoulder connects with Alexander's chest again, making The Evil Genius hop backwards. Grabbing for a flailing arm, Va'aiga hurls Alexander towards a corner, stunning him. Va'aiga points to Alexander before rushing in, raising his boot to head height and connecting flush with his Yakuza Kick. Alexander staggers out of the corner, only to be rocked by a left jab to the jaw, which the crowd correctly calls as, “ONE!”
“Boo-Yah combination coming up!”
A second left jab visibly stings Michael Alexander and causes the crowd to call, “TWO!” A third rapid fire punch earns the shout of “THREE!” and leads to Alexander looking like he is temporarily on dream street as Va'aiga kisses his right fist and lines up the killer shot. The general noise builds around the arena as Va'aiga winds up and uncorks that vicious right hook, dropping Alexander to the canvas. Every Va'aiga fan in the arena, those people who he calls the World Whanau raises their arm into the sky with Va'aiga as The Maori throws the Shaka Sign and everyone together shouts....
“BOO-YAH!”
Va'aiga drops and covers, and Nick Soapdish is in prime position to count,
ONE!
TWO!
T... and Alexander easily kicks out.
“Away from Alexander's home town, the crowd seem solidly behind The Maori Badass, King.”
“The fans didn't help Alexander at Genesis, and they won't help Va'aiga tonight, Francis. You've got to do it by yourself, inside that squared circle.”
Slightly annoyed by not picking up the victory right there and then, Va'aiga picks up Alexander and quickly stuns the Mad Scientist again with an inverted atomic drop. Alexander isn't going anywhere as Va'aiga crashes against the ropes and rebounds into a hard running knee strike that floors The Mad Scientist. Continuining his momentum, Va'aiga bounces again off the far ropes and as he runs back across the ring, Va'aiga drops his head right into Alexander's breadbasket, causing Alexander to exhale sharply as he connects. Va'aiga again goes for the pin, hooking a leg...
ONE!
TWO!
TH.. and Alexander again kicks out with some ease.
“It's still to early to put the resilient Alexander away.”
“The sticking power of The Mad Scientist is often overlooked, Francis. He's tougher than you expect for someone of cruiserweight size.”
Opting merely to stand and stomp away at Alexander's chest for now, Va'aiga plots his next big move carefully. Sitting up slowly, Alexander's eyes dart around to lok for where The Maori Badass is standing but Va'aiga has already moved around behind The Mad Scientist. Va'aiga bends forward and wraps in a Full Nelson on the seated Eidolon of Excellence. Alexander has just enough time to shake his head violently and offer a shouted “NO!” as in one motion Va'aiga lifts Alexander up and over his head, Alexander's body arcing through the air in a graceful 270 degree arc before landing with a thud on the mat behind where The Maori ends up. Va'aiga stands, flexes his massive arm muscles for the crowd, throws the Shaka Sign and gets another resounding chorus of “BOO-YAH!” from the crowd.
“Look at the power of the Maori Badass! That was a feat of pure strength.”
“Va'aiga is one of the most powerful wrestlers in the locker room. But I don't see him using that on Bruner.”
“You always have to have a down note, King.”
With his attention turning away from the crowd and back to his opponent, Va'aiga moves over to the prone Alexander, picking him up and readying him for a back suplex. A call of “MAORIBOMB!” to the crowd signals Va'aiga's true intentions but before Va'aiga can switch the motion of the move and drive Alexander down to the mat, The Mad Scientist slips out and lands behind The Maori. Alexander clutches his ribs and winces, but thinking sharply he drops down and viciously clips the knee of The Maori Badass, dropping Va'aiga down to a knee instantly. Alexander grabs for the ribs again but with a look of sheer determination on his face he quickly concentrates all his efforts on the Maori, grabbing Va'aiga's head, taking him down with a shortened DDT and then holding on, adding a body scissors.
“And just like that, Alexander takes control. It only takes a second for a match to turn in The Mad Scientist's favour.”
Alexander, however, chooses not to stick with the hold. Instead he uses his leverage and his peerless mat wrestling to flip The Maori onto his stomach, never releasing the body scissors. Alexander, having to release the headlock to turn the Maori, now has enough space to allow a couple of stiff elbows to be thrown.
“I mean it's like watching a great painting's brush strokes being laid down.”
“I have to admit, he's a great wrestler, King.”
Deliberately falling backwards, Michael Alexander grabs out with both arms and hoists up one of Va'aiga's legs. At the same time Alexander extends his legs out and wraps them, snake like around the left arm of the Maori! Realising that he can't possibly keep hold of both limbs at the same time due to the massive size of the Maori, Alexander spins his body to the right, snapping the arm back and releasing that hold before turning the Inverted Half Crab into a regular one, via a toehold. Alexander slowly gets up to one knee, then stands, keeping the toehold locked in and then circles the Maori, repeatedly twisting his ankle before dropping down into the Ouroboros! The crowd boo loudly as Alexander smiles a sickening smile.
“Ouroboros! This is one of Michael Alexander's most painful holds!”
“And we all know The Maori has a problem with being submitted. It's his biggest weakness, Francis!”
Va'aiga wriggles forwards, using all of his strength to slither along the ground towards the ropes. Alexander tries fruitlessly to prevent the Maori from reaching out, but he doesn't expend too much effort, knowing that he hasn't really put enough work in on Va'aiga's limbs to hope for a submission yet. In the end Va'aiga easily grabs hold of the bottom rope and Nick Soappdish begins his five count. Alexander releases the hold and backs off, banking on Va'aiga not being able to capitalise immediately and his wrestling senses don't fail him as Va'aiga staggers to his feet and begins lumbering towards The Mad Scientist. Alexander immediately picks up on the weakness, rushes the far ropes and launches himself into a low dropkick, precisely aimed at The Maori Badass' knee. Alexander's boot connects solidly with the back of Va'aiga's thick skull, flattening him to the mat and Alexander grabs for Va'aiga's leg again and loudly announces for the crowd,
“And now the lesson begins!”
“People at home, begin taking your notes now. THIS is how a wrestler goes about his business.”
“You seem very confident that Michael Alexander is going to win, King.”
“And why wouldn't I be, Francis. It's MICHAEL ALEXANDER.”
And of course Mat Wrestling 101 is kicking your opponent in the thigh while he can't get up because you're holding his leg. Alexander is only too happy to demonstrate this with three sharp boots, each of which make The Maori wince in pain. Following up immediately, Alexander lifts the leg as high as he can by the ankle with both arms, driving it knee first into the mat. Keeping hold of the ankle, Alexander lifts Va'aiga's leg a second time and drives it down to the mat again. Smiling, possibly more out of his pleasure at Va'aiga's predicament than as an attempt to piss the crowd off further, The Mad Scientist makes it a trifecta of knee smashes as he lifts and drives Va'aiga's leg again.
“Alexander exerting his control and beginning to take over this match.”
“And he's doing it by playing to his strengths, Francis. It's all well thought out, it's all planned.”
With Va'aiga's leg still at his mercy, Alexander leaps into the air, extending his legs out perpendicular to the mat and scissoring Va'aiga's leg so that as The Mad Scientist falls, the leg gets driven sideways down into the mat with a nasty snap. Alexander rolls away and stands, immediately pouncing again with shoot kicks to the monstrous Maori's leg. Alexander tries for a pin, hooking the unhurt leg so the kickout will be as difficult as possible with the weakened one...
ONE!
TWO!
TH.. and Va'aiga rolls a shoulder up to break the count.
“Alexander is piling on the pressure here, King.”
“He's ruthless when he needs to be, Francis. He shows no mercy to his opponents.”
Alexander stands and takes some time to recover his breath, still slightly favouring his ribs as The Maori Badass ever so slowly gets to his feet. Va'aiga lunges carelessly forward, swinging a punch but Alexander ducks and uses the Maori's momentum against him, easily taking him down with a drop toe hold. Keeping the toe hold on Va'aiga's leg, Alexander bends his knees, lifting Va'aiga's leg up before snapping down at an angle to the mat, wrenching the calf muscles of the big man. Alexander releases the leg, floats round amateur wrestling style and lock on a simple leg bar. Alexander transitions up to an ankle lock and stands with it still applied, before beginning to drag The Maori Badass towards a corner.
“Alexander looking to use the corner.”
“Hey if it adds to the damage he can cause, why not, Francis?”
Evil intent flaring up in his eyes, Michael Alexander reaches the corner of the ring. Dragging The Maori into position to lay his leg across the second rope, Alexander positions himself carefully, then launches himself into a pump splash using the top rope, twisting in mid air to turn the move into an elbow drop across Va'aiga's suspended leg. Rapidly sliding through the ropes and onto the floor, Alexander snaps the leg against the rope again on his way down, then grabs both the Maori's legs and drags them so they are dangling over the edge of the ring apron either side of the ringpost. Alexander wraps his arms around Va'aiga's legs and APPLIES A HIGHLY MODIFIED TEXAS CLOVERLEAF AROUND THE RING POST! Nick Soapdish puts on a count...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
And Alexander breaks.
“Alexander nearly getting himself disqualified there.”
“He was never in any danger of being disqualified, Francis. He knows exactly how long he has before he has to break.”
Alexander, rolls in and out of the ring to make sure referee Nick Soapdish doesn't even think about putting a count on his work outside the ring while Va'aiga lies there, desperately trying to get some life back into his leg. Alexander grabs Va'aiga's legs again and crosses them around the ring post again. Alexander holds them in an Indian Deathlock position with his arms and pulls hard, applying pressure with his arms and the ring post. Nick Soapdish again has to count this illegal manoeuvre.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
And Alexander breaks again and loudly remind the referee and the crowd, “I know how long I have!” This of course earns him another loud round of jeers and catcalls from the crowd, which Alexander takes well in his stride. Alexander rolls back into the ring to continue working over his Maori opponent, who is still lying there, face screwed up in pain.
“How can Va'aiga get back into this match, King?”
“I don't know, Francis. Alexander is doing an impressive job of neutralizing him.”
Allowing Va'aiga to stand again, The Mad Scientist of the Mat lets Va'aiga take a few steps out of the corner. Alexander rushes in past the Maori, hops up onto the bottom turnbuckle to give him that little extra height advantage and jumps off, taking hold of Va'aiga's arm on the way down to mat level with a Fujiwara armbar. Quickly spinning his body round, Alexander first swings his legs over to scissor Va'aiga's far arm, and then with those scissors locked in, swinging his upper body round so he has Va'aiga's leg again in a half Boston Crab. Alexander maintains the hold for a few precious seconds more damage before The Maori manages to overbalance the hold by rolling onto his side.
“Va'aiga using his power and his bodyweight to his advantage there, King.”
“Francis, Va'aiga's bodyweight is always an advantage against guys like Alexander. He's just technically AND athletically outclassed.”
Having broken free of the hold, Va'aiga claws his way up to one knee. Alexander is busy picking himself up off the mat from a rather ugly landing and Va'aiga uses the time to pensively resume a vertical base. Heavily favouring the leg, Va'aiga waits on Alexander standing. Unfortunately for The Evil Genius, he doesn't have time to turn and presents his back to The Maori as he first stands. Va'aiga grasps for a back waistlock and falls backwards which has two effects. The first is that Michael Alexander is thrown to the mat with a powerful German Suplex. The second is that Va'aiga growls loudly and screws his face up, clutching his leg desperately. With both men lying on the canvas, Nick Soapdish puts on a count...
ONE!
“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”
TWO!
“Both men are down here. I think Va'aiga surprised Alexander there with that German Suplex.”
THREE!
FOUR!
“I think Va'aiga is stirring first! Va'aiga must have caused a lot of damage with that big suplex, King!”
FIVE!
Va'aiga gets up to one knee...
SIX!
...and stands! Va'aiga walks over slowly, deliberately towards the fallen Michael Alexander, looks out into the cheering crowd and signals for a shot at the posts. Va'aiga takes two careful, slow steps back then two to the left.
“THE DAN CARTER KICK!”
And Va'aiga hobbles in and swings his leg as Alexander kips up, grabs the kicking leg and calmly back heel trips the standing leg, landing Va'aiga flat on the canvas again. Alexander taps his forehead in recognition of the genius in his plan. The crowd lets out an uproarious round of boos at this development.
“Alexander wasn't really THAT hurt, Francis. He was just playing possum to gain a tactical advantage and to steal a little extra recovery time. Any idiot could have seen that.”
“Why didn't you call that at the time then, King?”
Michael Alexander is unmoved, figuring out as he stalks The Maori other ways to inflict punishment on him. While no doubt passing the time planning his next fiendish submission, Alexander stomps away furiously at Va'aiga's leg, attempting to disable it further. An evil grin cross the Evil Genius' face as he ceases the stomps and drags Va'aiga slightly further away from the ropes. Alexander leans down and crosses Va'aiga's arms, stepping his left leg through to pin them in place. He then pick's up Va'aiga's hurt leg and with his own free leg...
“CURB STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE KNEE! CURB STOMP TO THE BACK OF THE KNEE!”
Alexander walks calmly away from Va'aiga as the Maori writhes in pain but The Mad Scientist Of The Mat cannot resist a chuckle at the plight of his opponent. Alexander closes in and with the Maori on his stomach, The Mad Scientist announces that “It's time!” The crowd boos vehemently as Alexander scissors The Maori's leg and drops down into THE GORDIAN KNOT! Va'aiga's face is a picture of suffereing as Alexander cinches in the hold nice and tightly, his Maori opponent's leg bent across Alexander's chest at a hellishly awkward angle. Va'aiga screams a defiant “NO!” as Nick Soapdish asks if he wants to submit. The crowd urge Va'aiga on with a “PLEASE DON'T TAP!” chant but Va'aiga is in one hell of a predicament.
“THE GORDIAN KNOT! This could be curtains for The Maori Badass in this match.”
“Just tap out Va'aiga! You have no chance! Give in!”
Trying again to roll out of a dangerous situation, Va'aiga manages to turn Michael Alexander over through brute force for a second time in the match. Alexander however uses Va'aiga's momentum to roll all the way through and maintain his bone crunching submission finisher! The Maori Badass screams in defiance as again he is asked whether he wants to give up, pain etched as deep into his face as his traditional tattoos are. Alexander wrenches back as hard as he can manage as Va'aiga begins to rock back and forth again, trying for the one further roll he needs to reach the ropes.
“Can Va'aiga reach the ropes? Can The Maori recover enough to turn the tide of this match around?”
“Can you stop being a cheerleader for Va'aiga, Francis? It's unprofessional.”
With Alexander screaming for him to tap and the roars of the crowd for him not to ringing in his ears, The Maori Badass uses some deep reserve of strength that he holds back for only the most desperate of situations and again powers the hold over so he is now lying on his front. Alexander keeps wrenching away but Va'aiga is now just within reach, just the merest inching of the hand away from gripping the bottom rope desperately with the ends of his fingers. Nick Soapdish gets down and asks for the break and when Alexander refuses, he puts on the count...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
FOUR!
FIV... FOUR AND NINE THOUSAND, NINE HUNDRED AND NINETY NINE TEN THOUSANDTHS! Nick Soapdish ticks off Michael Alexander for the lateness of his break, but Alexander blows him off with an inaudible word. Alexander stands as Va'aiga hauls himself slowly to his feet, carefully using the ropes for support. The Mad Scientist sees an opportunity to pounce and rushes at The Maori, but Va'aiga low bridges the rope and Alexander goes spilling out to the outside! Va'aiga follows him out slowly.
“LOW BRIDGE! That's definitely cheating, Francis! I've seen you call it a million times before!”
“Yes, but that's when a manager does it, King. It's legal when a wrestler actually involved in the match does it.”
The Maori Badass hobbles over to the crash site that is Michael Alexander's prone body and picks him up. Alexander is helpless to resist as Va'aiga uses his arm strength to lift Alexander and dorp him ribs first over the edge of the ring apron. Grasping hold of one of Alexander's arms as he staggers away from the ring, Va'aiga powerfully Irish Whips The Mad Scientist into the guardrail, again causing him to crash ribs first, this time spilling over the top and into the crowd. Va'aiga this time rolls carefully into and out of the ring to assure Nick Soapdish he doesn't need to count the pair out any time soon.
“Typical Va'aiga, Francis. He has to use the environment outside of the ring to his advantage.”
“When you've taking the punishment Va'aiga has so far in this match, you need to use everything you can to attempt to win the match, King.”
Lifting Alexander up and hoisting him over his massive shoulder, Va'aiga brings Michael Alexander back to the ring and rolls him under the bottom rope. The Maori rolls back into the ring and tries to pin The Mad Scientist...
ONE!
TWO!
TH.. and Alexander kicks out. Va'aiga slaps the mat in frustration and draws Alexander up to a vertical base again. Va'aiga turns so Alexander has his back to him and lifts Alexander up for a back suplex, placing the extra weight on his good leg of course, before switching up the direction of the move in mid air and driving Alexander's ribcage down to the mat with the Maoribomb!
“THE MAORIBOMB! THE MAORIBOMB!”
Va'aiga flips Alexander over and goes for the pin...
ONE!
TWO!
TH... and Alexander kicks out again. Clearly becoming frustrated, Va'aiga leans over and dead lifts Alexander, scooping him up ready for the Maori Drop. Va'aiga's leg buckles as he tries to hold Alexander up and The Maori goes down to one knee. The crowd will Va'aiga on by raising the noise level in the arena and ever so slowly, the Maori hoists Alexander back up. Va'aiga ROARS in defiance, but from his position, Michael Alexander throws a couple of elbows into Va'aiga's leg and he drops to the knee again.
“Can Va'aiga get Michael Alexander up for the Maori Drop? He's taken a hell of a lot of punishment but I think the Maori is feeling his spirit, his mana if you will, well up inside him.”
Another defiant roar gets nearly every fan in the crowd cheering “VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!” Using every ounce of muscle that sits on his huge frame, Va'aiga stresses and strains, fighting the pain in his leg with the sheer force of his mana and somehow, someway gets that leg back in and resumes his vertical position. Falling forward and driving his enormous bulk into Alexander's ribs as the pair crash to the mat, Va'aiga lands in a pinning position and hooks a leg...
ONE!
“THE MAORI DROP! VA'AIGA HIT THE MAORI DROP!”
TWO!
“It's over.”
THR... NO MICHAEL ALEXANDER KICKS OUT!
“IT'S NOT OVER,” King corrects himself!
Va'aiga stands quicker than Alexander, The Mad Scientist's grogginess outweighing the extra time it takes the Maori to stand, always being careful about the leg. Va'aiga holds his arm aloft for the crowd and begins adjusting his wrist tape in that familiar manner as Alexander turns slowly to face The Maori. The crowd noise dies for a half second as Va'aiga lines up and begins to build as much speed as he can, extending his arm out and readying himself for the thunderous impact... but Alexander dives low and attempt to take Va'aiga's leg out again! Va'aiga swings his arm furiously trying to catch a shot at The Mad Scientist and as a result manages to swing out of the way of the advancing Alexander! Va'aiga is now facing the wrong way and Alexander charges again, looking to chop block the big man down.
“One more hold on that leg should do it for The Mad Scientist!”
But Va'aiga senses it coming and somehow swings his leg out of the way, leaving his opponent crawling on the ground! Va'aiga leans over and as Alexander gets to one knee, he gets hauled to his feet by his own arm, which is then bent back across his own throat! Va'aiga pins the choke in place with a half nelson and again trying to put as little pressure as possible on his bad leg as he SPIKES MICHAEL ALEXANDER WITH THE SWISS SUPLEX! Va'aiga lays on the canvas, sucking wind and rhythmically slapping the mat and the crowd soon join in, clapping in time with The Maori. Alexander slumps on the canvas, regaining a little strength himself.
“This has been a tremendous showing by both men.”
“I have to agree with you there Francis, much as it pains me.”
Feeling the crowd, Va'aiga stands again and walks over to Michael Alexander, leaning over ready to pick him up again when... FLASH INSIDE CRADLE!
ONE!
TWO!
THR... and Va'aiga kicks out! Alexander's face is pure frustration as he grimaces at the lack of a three count. Turning back to the Maori, Alexander wraps his legs around both Va'aiga's shoulders and tries to pin him to the mat with a crucifix...
ONE!
TWO!
TH... and Va'aiga kicks out again! Alexander stands up, clutching at his ribcage. With grim determination, Alexander homes in on Va'aiga's leg, looking to finish the match off. Alexander leans over and VA'AIGA BOOTS HIM IN THE FACE WITH HIS BETTER LEG! Alexander staggers backwards, surprised by the blow and Va'aiga struggles up to a knee. Alexander approaches again but Va'aiga is in the process of standing and he manages to flip Alexander over in a back drop! Va'aiga turns to face Alexander and making sure to take any impact of the blow he has to endure himself on his upper body, falls forwards and drives his head into Alexander's ribs. Va'aiga hooks the leg...
ONE!
TWO!
THR.. and Alexander kicks out! Va'aiga stands slowly and falls forwards again, driving his head into Alexander and the air out of his opponent's body. Not staying down to attempt a pin The Maori stands, pauses, drops forwards and hits the headbutt drop for a third time. Alexander is BADLY sucking wind as Va'aiga drags him to his feet. The Maori Badass scoops up Alexander for a second Maori Drop but AGAIN his leg fails him briefly. Alexander attempts to wriggle free, not wishing to be driven down to the mat, three hundred and fifty pounds of Maori landing on top of him. Firing off elbow after elbow to Va'aiga's thigh, Alexander makes The Maori collapse, landing on top of him in a pinning predicament!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE.. VA'AIGA KICKS OUT!
“Amazing back and forth action here! I can't tell which of these great wrestlers are going to win?”
The crowd are going nuclear as both men slowly regain their footing. Alexander approaches, going in low for the leg again, but Va'aiga grabs Alexander by the waist as he comes in, and hoists him up into a powerbomb position! Instead of pushing The Mad Scientist forwards, Va'aiga falls backwards and drops Alexander chest first into the top turnbuckle!
“WHAT A MOVE!”
Alexander reels back from the ropes, clutching his stomach, not for the first time in the match. He turns slowly, all sides of the arena seeing the pain in his face. Va'aiga catches Alexander and hoists him into the scoop position again, turning to make sure he's dropping Alexander somewhere away from the ropes and then pauses as an idea crosses his mind. Turning Michael Alexander over in the scoop hold, Va'aiga leaves Alexander's ribs exposed as he guts up for one big explosion of power and SMASHES ALEXANDER RIBS FIRST TO THE MAT WITH AN INVERTED MAORI DROP!
“Inverted Maori Drop! We haven't seen that in the SWF for years!”
Va'aiga flips Alexander over and covers...
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DINGDINGDING!
“And that's it! Va'aiga has pulled something out of the bag and beaten the Mad Scientist of the Mat.”
“He got lucky Comet. He got lucky again.”

I let people down because
1) I hate writing three ways
2) The government have spent the last month fucking around with my money, leaving me a bit too skittish to sit down and write a big match. It's all smoothed out now though.

I didn't show because 1) I've had a hell of a fortnight with all my income being fucked around with leaving me in deep stress. 2) I hate Hate HATE writing triple threats. I mean I'd have written Va'aiga being taken out at the start with a tag finisher on the floor and MANSON and Alexander wrestling a singles match.

Hmm I have some of a match, not much due to real life totally catching up with me this week. Blame Toxx's gig for throwing my timing off.
Oh and if you job me to YOU Spike... I will hunt you down without mercy.

The standing ten count spot would have been a draw on a double countout, so it wouldn't be either man winning, hence it fit with the poorly worded rules schtick. I deliberately had Tod easily escape any submission attempts due to his technical advantage, so when Va'aiga finally got one off he wasn't letting go.
Having said that I thought Tod's match was better!

Mak Francis leads in to the night's main event with this thought, “It's time for a wrestling clinic. Tod James Stuart promised a great match to main event this show and now that time has come.”
“I think Tod has stacked the deck a little in his own favour this evening, Mak,” ripostes The Suicide King, “He has created a match where we should see the technical side of the competitors. The problem for our World Champion is... he doesn't HAVE a technical side.”
Funyon, standing in the middle of the ring, lifts his microphone to his lips and calls out, “The following match is a Wrestling Clinic for the Heavyweight Championship of the World. Introducing first, weighing in a 237lbs and hailing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada... Ladies and Gentlemen... THIS IS TOOOOOOOOD JAAAAAAAAAMES STUUUUUAAAAAAAART!”
Tod strides into the entrance gate and bounces athletically In time with the start of his entrance music
When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide
Where I stop and I turn and I go for the ride
Till I get to the bottom AND I STOP AND I SEE YOU AGAAAAAAAAAAAIN!
YEAHYEAHYEAH!
Tod rushes down to ringside, backhanding the fans on his way. “Tod is looking really fired up for this one!” remarks Mak.
“It's the World Championship, Francis. You can't help being fired up!”
Tod steps up the ring steps and into the ring before walking round the ring and pointing to all four corners of the arena. Raising his arms, Tod allows referee Matthew Kivell to check his over for foreign objects and with the ref being satisfied that Tod isn't trying to sneak anything into the ring, not that he would, Kivell steps away and waits for the other competitor. Funyon starts his introductin for the champ...
“And his opponent. He is the DVS Intercontinental Champion, the DVS Hardcore Champion and the SWF HEAAAAAAAVYWEIGHT CHAAAAAAAAMPION OF THE WOOOOOOORLD. Weighing in tonight at 352lbs and hailing from Rotorua, New Zealand... “The Maori Badass” VAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIGA!”
PITO SUTE AKILAGI!
It ain't good! It ain't good 'cuz you'll get jumped in my hood!
PITO SUTE AKILAGI!
It ain't good! It ain't good 'cuz you'll get jumped in my hood!
After throwing his world famous BOO-YAH! Combination, Va'aiga walks slowly and deliberately down to the ring. Soaking up the adoration of the crowd, Va'aiga steps into the ring and allows Kivell to check him over before striding purposefully to the middle and extending a hand to his opponent. Tod shakes the hand and offers a nod of recognition. The pair back off to their respective corners as Kivell calls for the bell.
DINGDINGDING!
“We're underway folks! How do you see this match going, King?”
“Well Tod can only win by pinfall. And it's very hard to pin The Maori. But Va'aiga can only win by submission and that takes him totally out of his comfort zone. I'd have to go with Tod.”
The pair step forwards and Va'aiga immediately cinches in a collar and elbow tie up. Tod tries to adjust the positioning of his legs to avoid being overpowered but Va'aiga muscles round into a side headlock. Tod fires Va'aiga off into the ropes and flattens himself to the mat to avoid being run over by a lowered shoulder. Va'aiga bounces again off the far ropes as Tod stands and Tod wraps an arm around Va'aiga's flailing right arm. Va'aiga looks down at Tod with a slight smile as Tod attempts a hip toss and just resorts to pushing Tod backwards, sending the Fight Team member staggering backwards across the ring. Tod nods and smiles back as Va'aiga pauses.
“Tod has an offense designed more for fighting a man his own size. But he also has a much more sophisticated game than Va'aiga, Francis.”
“So do you think he can adapt, King?”
“I think he has more chance of adapting than Va'aiga has of adapting HIS game to include submissions.”
Leading with an elbow, Tod rushes in and fires off a quick blow to The Maori's skull. Va'aiga, predictably, bearly flinches and responds with an elbow of his own. An arc of spittle flies from the side of Tod's mouth but undeterred he fires another elbow of his own off. Va'aiga sucks it up again and fires back for a second time. Tod tries leaping and adding a little height and momentum to a third elbow but Va'aiga takes a step back and swats him away, causing Tod to crash down to mat level.
“Va'aiga taking an advantage in this stand up battle, King”
“You just CANNOT go strike for strike with The Maori, Francis.”
Allowing TJ to stand, Va'aiga lines up a huge straight right and fires it off. With Tod letting an arm go loose from his fighting stance, Va'aiga grabs hold and whips Tod against the ropes with a violent snap. Tod is totally out of control as he comes careering back across the ring and this time as Va'aiga lowers his shoulder, Tod bounces off the massive form of the Maori and falls again to the mat. Va'aiga thinks about covering and then remembers that as he cannot win by pinfall, there really isn't much point. The Maori resorts to a few stiff stomps.
“It's the familiar high impact style of The Maori Badass.”
“Yeah, Francis, but that's no way to get a submission.”
Dropping to the mat, Va'aiga wraps his legs around the head of Tod James Stuart, a hold which lasts the barest minimum amount of time as Tod stands on his head, then elegantly flips out of the hold. Va'aiga sits up and Tod blasts him in the face with a low drop kick. Down in position already, Tod covers....
ONE!
T... and Va'aiga kicks out.
“Way too early for a pinfall there, King.”
“You should always try. It's throughly possible to steal a victory this early.”
Circling Va'aiga as he stands, Tod approaches carefully and fires off a kick to the back of The Maori's left leg. Va'aiga hops briefly on his leg. Sensing an opportunity to try something out of his playbook, Tod points out into the crowd and tells Va'aiga to, “LOOK OVER THERE!” Va'aiga responds... by headbutting Tod REAL hard, sending Mr Stuart staggering off and THEN looking. Seeing nothing, Va'aiga shrugs his shoulders and advances on Tod again, grabbing and invering his smaller opponent before slamming him down to the mat.
“Va'aiga isn't as dumb as he looks, Francis. Few people are.”
Kneeling down, Va'aiga grabs one of Tod's arms and applies a hammerlock. Tod swings his legs out straightening his arm out, before wrapping them around Va'aiga's other arm and pulling Va'aiga's body down with a modified crucifx pin. Referee Kivell counts again...
ONE!
TWO!
T... little more than a two count.
“Another pinfall chance for Tod.”
“He has to use his technical superiority on Va'aiga, Francis. And he has it in spades.”
Looking mildly annoyed, Va'aiga stands and drags Tod up along with him. Locking both Tod's arms into a double hammerlock, The Maori falls backwards and plants Tod on the mat with a bridging Tiger Suplex. With all the grace of a falling slab of concrete, Va'aiga attempts to roll back into a Cattle Mutilation and Tod EASILY escapes the hold as The Maori loses his grip. Va'aiga slaps the mat in frustration as Tod stands again, soaking up the scattered chants of “TOD! TOD! TOD!” from around the arena.
“Va'aiga is trying for the submission here. It's his only way of winning this match.”
“Trying and failing, Francis. He should have watched more Suicide King DVDs in preparation.”
As Va'aiga stands, Tod launches the point of his knee into Va'aiga's gut. With his opponent doubled over, Tod drives an elbow into the back of Va'aiga's neck, causing The Maori to stumble forwards a couple of steps. Tod wraps Va'aiga's head up in a front facelock, but The Maori powers forwards and drives Tod's back to the ropes. Tod raises his arms and Va'aiga backs off and gives Tod the clean break. Advancing, Tod looks for an angle of attack on the Maori and the Canadian swings a leg at Va'aiga, looking to connect with a kick to the massive thigh of his opponent but Va'aiga defends, spinning Tod round with the force of his block. Va'aiga wraps Tod up from behind and lifts him up, Slamming Tod back first into the mat again. Va'aiga tries again for the submission, picking an ankle and beginning to twist but Tod contorts his body round and plants his boot into The Maori's face, sending Va'aiga across the ring. Tod smiles as Va'aiga slaps the mat in frustration again.
“I think the Maori is getting annoyed, King.”
“He just cannot find any submission in his arsenal that Tod James Stuart doesn't have a counter for.”
His famous temper beginning to show on his face, Va'aiga turns back to Tod and charges, shoulder lowered and drives that shoulder into Tod's midsection. The Bod falls backwards to the mat and Va'aiga stands over his opponent and falls forwards, driving his head into Tod's ribs. Using the simple strategy of working over his opponent's ribcage, Va'aiga wraps his tree trunk like legs around Tod's midsection in a body scissors. Tod, however, has enough wiggle room to twist his body so he is lying on a side and then flip onto Va'aiga's stomach, pinning the Maori to the mat again. Referee Kivell is there to count again...
ONE!
TWO!
T.. another short two count and Va'aiga is forced to break his hold in kicking out.
“Another counter there, King. Tod James Stuart is such an accomplished technical wrestler.”
“If he learned a little class to go with the skill, he could be the next Suicide King.”
“You never showed much class IN the ring. You broke every rule in the book.”
“I broke every rule with class.”
While King and The Franchise are bantering, both men have regained a vertical base. Va'aiga closes the distance and wraps his arms around the former Tod deKindes, locking them tight behind Mr Stuart's back in a bearhug. Tod struggles a little, smashing his knee into Va'aiga's thigh one, two, three times in quick succession. Va'aiga's grip slips a little and Tod flicks his legs forwards and sits down, driving Va'aiga's jaw into the flat of his skull.
“Jawbreaker! And Tod escapes AGAIN!”
“This has to be so frustrating for The Maori Badass. But his own special brand of righteous anger won't help him to get a submission, Francis.”
Va'aiga staggers backwards, flailing his arms around and Tod sees the opening, grabbing hold of The Maori and attempting to whip him towards a corner. The Maori Badass reverses the whip, using his massive power advantage to hurl Tod into the corner, his back hitting the steel with a resounding clang. Va'aiga turns, points at Tod, sticks his tongue out with a Maori shout of “HIIIIII!” and charges full speed, raising a leg and... MISSING the big Yakuza kick as Tod James Stuart moves. Tod hops up onto the second rope, wraps up the Maori's head and leaps off, spinning The Maori round and driving his head into the canvas with a HUGE Tornado DDT. The crowd cheers in appreciation as Tod stands and does the TJS point out to the fans.
“Ouch! Va'aiga landed hard on that thick skull of his, King.”
“You have to get a hell of a lot of momentum for a DDT to affect The Maori. Tod just demonstrated how much momentum he can gather.”
Standing again, Tod looks down at the prone form of the Maori and offers a swift kick to Va'aiga's leg. Seeing The Maori Badass wince in pain, Tod throws a second kick to the same region before backing off and carefully studying how his massive opponent stands. As Va'aiga takes his time standing and turning to face him, Tod picks his spot carefully and hits a rapid basement dropkick, again targeting the leg of The Maori. Va'aiga drops to one knee and flashes a grimace towards the advancing Tod but a foul look from the Maori isn't enough to save him from a vicious running neck snap. Tod leans over and picks the leg he has been working on, dropping to canvas level and stretching out The Maori with a leg bar.
“The best way to work on an opponent larger than you is to keep him grounded, Francis.”
“Tod can't win by submission, only by pinfall.”
“Yeah but that doesn't stop him from slowing Va'aiga down with some good solid wrestling.”
Struggling in the hold, Va'aiga tries to free himself by prising Tod's arms loose. Tod the Bod, the solid technical wrestler that he is, uses Va'aiga's movement against him and flips The Maori onto his stomach and gets back up to a kneeling position, turning his leg bar into a Half Boston Crab. Tod wrenches back as The Maori lets out a growl. Tod calls Matthew Kivell over to check on the condition of The Maori but the SWF's head referee reminds him that Va'aiga cannot submit. Tod nods and wrenches on the hold harder anyway.
“You see Francis, if Va'aiga could use this sort of move he'd have a chance in this match.”
“I'm sure Va'aiga has a plan for victory.”
“I'm not sure Va'aiga has a plan for anything, Francis.”
Tod slips his grip down to Va'aiga's ankle, chaining up the hold into a reverse ankle lock. After adding a few more tortuous twists with his hands, Tod relinquishes the hold and stands, waiting for Va'aiga to regain his footing. The Maori stands slowly and carefully, obviously favouring his leg. Weighing up the situation, Tod closes in and with the Maori noticeably slowed, Tod has no problem maneuvering round into potion to twist Va'aiga round and crash him down to the mat with a neckbreaker. Tod covers his Maori opponent and referee Kivell counts...
ONE!
TWO!
TH.. and Va'aiga kicks out. Tod stands again and stomps away at Va'aiga's leg.
“See I appreciate Tod's strategy here, Francis. Keep working the leg to slow Va'aiga down then find that big move to take him out.”
“Shades of Keiji Mutoh?”
“Shades of a commentary cliché there!”
Allowing Va'aiga to stand, Tod fires off a stiff looking forearm to force an arm free. Tod grabs that loose arm and whips his opponent into the ropes, Va'aiga's running speed severely hampered by the solid work Tod has put in on that leg. Va'aiga hobbles out of control back towards Tod who elegantly steps to a side and takes The Maori Badass over with a quick snapmare, accentuated with the momentum and then adds a hellish kick to the base of Va'aiga's spine, the crack of boot hitting Maori echoing around the arena and causing a gasp of pained astonishment from the fans. With his opponent seated, Tod rushes the far ropes and speeds towards The Maori, planting both his feet solidly into Va'aiga's face with a low dropkick. Tod acknowledges the crowd again before dropping down to attempt another cover...
ONE!
TWO!
TH.. and Va'aiga kicks out again.
“Tod is building momentum here with some solid offense, King.”
“The important thing for him is that if he has the momentum, Va'aiga doesn't. And Va'aiga is one of those wrestlers who relies on momentum.”
Again TJ waits for Va'aiga to stand, circling round the slowed down Maori who isn't that rapid at the best of times. Tod pounces and grabs Va'aiga in a back waistlock, attempting to lift the massive Maori in a German Suplex. Va'aiga, being large and difficult to shift, isn't going anywhere but as he attempts to back elbow himself free Tod relinquishes the hold, ducks and allows the Maori to spin himself around. Tod places an arm across Va'aiga's throat, his leg in front of The Maori's and drives the bigger man down back first onto his knee. With a snap, Tod whips both his own and Va'aiga's body backwards and drives The Maori Badass face first into the canvas! Tod covers...
“The STO Combination! This could be all she wrote!”
ONE!
TWO!
THR.. and Va'aiga kicks out. The crowd liven up at the sight of one of Tod's bigger moves and begin a chant of “TOD! TOD! TOD!”
“She hasn't finished writing yet, Francis. She may have just needed a new pen.”
Channeling the energy of the crowd, TJ hooks an arm around Va'aiga's throat and drops him across his knee again with a modified backbreaker. While Va'aiga stands, Tod pumps up the crowd by raising an arm and beckoning more noise. The “TOD!” chants grow even louder as Tod turns to the Maori, lifts him up a small amount by the waist and hits an inverted atomic drop. Va'aiga is stunned by the impact of the move, certainly long enough for Tod to come screaming off the ropes at full speed and smash his elbow into Va'aiga's face. The Maori teeters, not quite going over, so Tod maneuvers behind him and follows up with a quick Russian Legsweep, taking the Maori down to the canvas. Tod pops up and hops onto the second turnbuckle in a corner, signaling to the crowd by tapping his elbow pad what he wants to do next.
“Doesn't Tod James Stuart usually hit a clothesline in that sequence, King?”
“Everyone knows that clotheslining the Maori is like tickling a sleeping grizzly bear. Not a good idea and a good way to get your face mashed up.”
With the cheers of the crowd ringing in his ears, Tod Stuart James has his opponent at a definite disadvantage. Leaping off with a grace his opponent can only dream of, Tod sails through the air and lands elbow first right on Va'aiga's head. A massive cheer erupts around the crowd as Tod covers his opponent and every man woman and child around the arena is on their feet to count with referee Matthew Kivell...
ONE!
TWO!
THRE.... NO! A gnat's quaver away from losing the World Heavyweight Championship Va'aiga somehow musters up the strength to kick out! Va'aiga gets up to a knee, breathing heavily as the crowd begin to chant “VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!” Tod lets out an audible “DAMN!” as he sees the referee hold up two fingers. As Va'aiga gets to his feet, Tod elbows him in the face but the move seems to have little effect. A second elbow as Va'aiga has managed to stand again causes little consternation to the Maori. With a roar Va'aiga swings for Tod, but Mr Stuart steps to a side, locks in a front facelock and crashes Va'aiga's head back down into the mat with another DDT. Tod stands and backs off, leaning against the ropes and allowing himself some recovery time as the World Champion lies on the mat, his chest moving up and down with his deep, long breaths.
“DDT out of nowhere! Va'aiga looked ready to make a comeback and Tod James Stuart just stopped him in his tracks!”
“Stuart is putting Va'aiga through the wringer here tonight. He just needs that one move powerful enough to put The Maori Badass away for good, Francis.”
Checking that his opponent is still down (he is) Tod lines up and rushes in and drives a knee into The Maori's head, rolling through and back to his feet again. Adding a few bonus stomps before moving on Tod lifts Va'aiga up from the mat. Slowly Tod turns Va'aiga around into position and cracks his neck again with a Hangman's neckbreaker. Tod follows up by lifting Va'aiga again and grabs for the neck a second time, this time hitting a swinging variation of the neckbreaker. A third haul up for the tired looking figure of the Maori and more dramatic spinning neckbreaker completes the trifecta. Tod covers and nods his head in time with the referee's count...
ONE!
TWO!
THR... and Va'aiga kicks out again!
“Va'aiga' neck has to be hurting.”
“Possibly from the weight of that stone head of his, King”
“More probably from the focus of Tod James Stuart's offense, King.”
As The Franchise blithely ignores King's cheap jibe at the Maori's expense, Tod stomps away at the grounded Va'aiga, looking more than a little displeased that he hasn't found a way to finish the incumbent World Champion off. Tod grabs an arm of the grounded Maori, applies a wristlock and hauls the Maori up, keeping the wristlock applied. Keeping hold of the arm, Tod fires off a shin kick into The Maori's chest, again shocking the crowd with the sheer ferocity of the blow. Va'aiga spits as a reflex reaction to a second vicious shin kick The speed of the blows increases, the ferocity doesn't diminish as a third, fourth, fifth, sixth.... a hailstorm of blows! The arm is still locked up tight as Tod places his sole under Va'aiga's chin and falls backwards, driving his foot HARD, rocking Va'aiga's head backwards with a horrifying snap. Va'aiga collapses to the mat and Tod rolls over to cover...
“SLAPSHOT! SLAPSHOT! SLAPSHOT!”
ONE!
TWO!
THRE......NO! VA'AIGA KICKS OUT AGAIN!
“How did Va'aiga kick out of that?”
“He has incredible stamina, Francis. Va'aiga can suck up an amazing amount of punishment.”
Turning to the referee, Tod begins to remonstrate but realising that arguing with the official won't solve the problem of his massive Maori opponent, Tod walks over to a corner and climbs to the second turnbuckle again. Knowing his elbow drop nearly put the Maori away earlier in the match, Tod again holds his arm out and the crowd cheer as he leaps off again, driving his elbow into Va'aiga's head for a second time.
ONE!
TWO!
THRE.........AGONIZINGLY CLOSE AGAIN!
“MY GOD! THAT HAD TO BE THREE!”
With a face like thunder, Tod locks his arm around Va'aiga's neck, hauls him up and spikes him with another DDT. Tod covers...
ONE!
TWO!
THRE... NO! Tod drags Va'aiga up again and slams his face into the mat with a rapid STO. Tod covers...
ONE!
TWO!
THRE... NO! THE MAORI KICKS OUT AGAIN! Tod throws his arms to sky sky as if to ask “God? What do I have to do to put this man away?”
“Va'aiga is not going to go down without a fight, King!”
“Va'aiga has already been in a fight. He probably feels like he's been in several fights all on the same night. But it is going to take something special to put The Maori Badass away.”
The crowd is working themselves up into a frenzy. Tod looks down at Va'aiga with the frustration of being unable to pin The Maori Badass clearly showing on his face. Tod wipes his hand through his hair before announcing loudly to the crowd, “THAT'S IT! IT'S OVER!”
“Tod James Stuart is looking to finish this right here, right now.”
The crowd, knowing what Tod has planned, allow the noise level to drop for the first time for a few minutes so they can appreciate the true beauty of Tod James Stuart's finisher. Va'aiga slowly and carefully gets up to a knee. Tod circles behind where The Maori is standing, stalking his victim like a panther ready to pounce. Va'aiga veeeeeery slowly gets up to a vertical base. Tod's facial expression is totally blank as he focuses in on his prey. Va'aiga starts to look around, unaware of the position of his opponent as Tod strikes... An arm wraps around Va'aiga's throat... a leg attempts to sweep out Va'aiga's...
“BRAIN GO SPLAT!”
...Tod starts to lift Va'aiga up...
“THIS COULD BE THE END OF VA'AIGA'S WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP REIGN!”
...and VA'AIGA MUSTERS THE ENERGY TO PUSH TOD AWAY!!! Va'aiga drops back down to his feet and turns around, takes three steps forward and SMASHES TOD JAMES STUART WITH THE EVIL VICIOUS NASTY WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP EDITION LAAAAAAAARIAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Tod James Stuart rapidly becomes a Tod James Stuart pancake as he flips around 360 degrees and collapses to the mat.
“NO! THE LARIAT! VA'AIGA HIT THE LARIAT OUT OF NOWHERE!”
Va'aiga collapses to the mat as well, desperately sucking in air, trying to regain some of the strength that has been sapped away from Tod's extended period of offense. Tod is simply lying there in that limp way that LARIAT victims tend to. Matthew Kivell stands over the prone bodies of the two world class professional wrestlers and begins to count the pair out. The crowd noise is a mixture of chants for both wrestlers and the usual reaction to a referee's count, chanting along as the count starts up.
ONE!
“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”
TWO!
“It could be all over here!”
THREE!
“LET'S GO TOD! LET'S GO TOD!”
FOUR!
“VAH-ING-UH! VAH-ING-UH!”
FIVE!
“Va'aiga has taken a beating of rare intensity. Tod just got blown away with the Lariat. I'm not sure either man is going to get up.”
SIX!
“LET'S GO TOD! LET'S GO TOD!”
SEVEN!
And Tod is up to one knee. Va'aiga follows him up soon after.
“This match is going to continue! Both these men are showing incredible fortitude, King”
“It's no less than we would expect from Tod James Stuart and The Maori Badass.”
Both men are standing again. Tod is first to attack, attempting to punch The Maori but Va'aiga blocks and fires off a left jab of his own. Tod tries again, but with the same result as Va'aiga punches him again. With the momentum behind him Va'aiga follows up with another left jab. And another. Tod is reeling and rocking when another jab cracks him in the jaw. Tod's eyes mist over as the ferocity of Va'aiga's punches stuns him, allowing Va'aiga time to kiss his right fist and SMASHES TOD WITH A MASSIVE RIGHT HOOK! As Tod collapses to the mat, Va'aiga raises his fist to the sky, pinkie and thumb extended and the crowd join in with an enormous call of...
“BOO-YAH!”
“The Boo-Yah Combination! That'll rearrange your facial features.”
“Remind me never to go to Va'aiga for plastic surgery, Francis.”
Va'aiga's looks down at Tod and a look of pure evil crosses his face. Tod is lying on the canvas, face down and in perfect position for something VERY nasty to happen to him. Va'aiga points his arms at a pair of imaginary goalposts and takes two careful steps back...
“Oh no!”
Two steps to the left...
“We've seen this before, Francis!”
...steps in and NEARLY KICKS TOD JAMES STUART'S HEAD CLEAR FROM HIS SHOULDERS WITH A TRULY SICKENING PUNT KICK! The crowd go NUTS with a massive “HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!” chant.
“THE DAN CARTER KICK! TOD JAMES STUART JUST GOT... CONVERTED!”
The Maori Badass looks at the limp form of Tod James Stuart and slowly walks over to his Canadian opponent. Va'aiga picks up both of TJ's legs, picks them up and pulls them back in a high angle Boston Crab! Va'aiga pulls back, putting as much pressure as possible on the back of Tod, who is jolted out of the stunning effect of the Dan Carter Kick with an unhealthy dose of pain. Va'aiga sticks out his tongue and screams.
“Boston Crab, Dace Night style! Va'aiga finally has Tod James Stuart trapped.”
“If you are going to learn one submission move, learn one you've had a chance to study, Francis, Picking his partner's move was probably, and it pains me to say it, a smart move by The Maori Badass.”
Va'aiga has the Torture Crab locked in pretty tight but Tod James Stuart's survival instinct is kicking in as he struggles to find a way out of the move. Va'aiga calls Matthew Kivell over and scream for him to “ASK HIM!” and Kivell obliges by asking Tod if he wants to quit. Tod shakes his head violently. Stretching his arms out, Tod desperately claws out on the canvas inching ever so slowly towards the ropes. The Maori Badass' face contorts into pure aggression as he screams out again, wrenching the hold as tight as he can manage. Another “ASK HIM!” Another shake of the head. Amongst all this noise the crowd gets involved...
“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”
“Could this be it? Could this be the moment that Va'aiga retains the World Heavyweight Championship, King.”
“Tod James Stuart is not going to give up until the very last ounce of fight is gone from his body.”
The ropes seem so far away to Tod as he tries desperately to reach them. Va'aiga twists and contorts Tod's body in a way that it is patently not meant to go. More Maori style tongue out battle cries. More crowd chanting in support of Tod. More inching.
“It's make or break time for Tod James Stuart.”
“The break could be his back, Francis. I can feel a tap out coming.”
“ASK HIM!”
Inch.. Inch...
“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”
“If Tod James Stuart taps, that's his World Title shot gone.”
“If Tod James Stuart doesn't tap, that could be nine months of his career gone. Minimum”
Inch... Inch...
“ASK HIM!”
“NOOOOOO!”
“PLEASE DON'T TAP! PLEASE DON'T TAP!”
“HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”
Inch... Inch...
With a look that simultaneously shows pure pain and pure determination, Tod flails out an arm and gets his fingertips on the bottom rope. Matthew Kivell check to see whether Tod has grabbed hold. With one last desperate gasp of effort, Tod just, JUST reaches out and grabs hold. Matthew Kivell walks round to Va'aiga and calls for the break but the Maori is oblivious to the referee Kivell tells Va'aiga to break again. Again The Maori, face screwed up in mid battle cry, ignores the instruction to break the hold. Kivell backs off and starts the five count...
ONE!
TWO!
“Va'aiga needs to break this hold!”
THREE!
“Typical cheating from the Maori!”
FOUR!
FIVE!
Matthew Kivell signals over to the Timekeeper's table. The crowd lets out a hearty round of boos. Funyon lifts the microphone to his lips and announces, “Your winner as a result of a Disqualification.... “ but is interrupted by some familiar music...
Tell me exactly what am I supposed to do?
Now that I have allowed you TO BEAT ME?
Do you think that we could play another game?
Maybe I could win this time...
...as a besuited Landon Maddix steps out into the entrance gate. Landon has a microphone in hand and waits for the pop for his arrival to die down before addressing the crowd. Va'aiga has finally released the Torture Crab and is standing in the ring, looking up the ramp at Landon. Tod James Stuart has gone to the outside and is leaning against the ring apron, recuperating.
“HOLD ON THERE! Put that microphone down Funyon. You see I have a problem here. I have the rules of this match, as handed to me by Tod James Stuart.”
Landon waves a piece of paper in the air.
“Now, The rules state that Va'aiga can only win by submission and that Tod James Stuart can only win by pinfall. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but a disqualification is NOT a pinfall. Therefore Matthew Kivell... RESTART THE DAMN MATCH!”
The crowd lets out a huge cheer at Landon's ruling as Mr. Maddix walks back out of the fighting area. For the first time since the beginning of the match, a smile crosses Va'aiga's face. Tod meanwhile has that “Oh my God, what have I done?” look on his own visage. The Maori Badass rolls to the outside, walks over to the announce table, orders the timekeeper to move and arms himself with the timekeeper's chair.
“What are you doing Va'aiga?”
Va'aiga's response to King is inaudible over the commentator's microphones. Lip readers however could probably pick up the phrase “Fucking someone up” in his short reply. Va'aiga looks around for Tod, who is still resting up against the ring apron and advances on him menacingly.
“It appears that this match is no disqualification.”
“Always be careful with documents, Francis. Tod James Stuart should have got James Matheson to check the wording out.”
Backing off, Tod has his back to a ring post at floor level. Va'aiga paces deliberately towards him, chair in hand. Va'aiga swings wildly, looking to decapitate the Canadian, but Tod ducks and the chair CRASHES into the ring post! Va'aiga drops the chair and shakes the pain free from his wrists but Tod uses the break as an opportunity to grab the chair for himself. Tod carefully lines up a shot and WAFFLES VA'AIGA WITH THE CHAIR!!! VA'AIGA LETS OUT A DEFIANT BATTLE CRY AND SUCKS UP THE PAIN OF THE BLOW!!!!
“OH MY GOD! VA'IGA JUST GOT BLASTED WITH A STEEL CHAIR AND TOOK IT WITHOUT FLINCHING!!”
“That head of his is a remarkable thing, Francis.”
Staring a hole through Tod, Va'aiga knees Tod in the gut and quickly applies a front facelock. Looking out into the crowd who are apoplectic with their wild cheering, Va'aiga turns around so his back is to the ring steps. Va'aiga takes a pace forward and then falls back, SUPLEXING TOD STUART JAMES ONTO THE RING STEPS! Tod's Bod bounces off the steel with a thunderous crash as the flesh on his back meets the cold hard steel. Another “HOLY SHIT!” chant breaks out around the arena. Va'aiga stand up and throws the Shaka Sign again with a massive “BOO-YAH!”
“Tod has been punished with a Torture Crab. Now his back goes full speed into the ring steps. Things are going from bad to worse for TJS, Francis.”
Picking Tod up and dumping him over his shoulder, Va'aiga points over to the announce table. The chants of “VAH-ING-UH!” are nearly deafening as he takes the slow walk towards his target.
“He's coming this way, Francis! This means trouble!”
“Va'aiga has Tod Stuart James in one hell of a predicament here!”
Stepping around the ring, Tod slumped over his shoulder, Va'aiga gets close enough to the announce table to drive Tod back first into it. Tod's head is bowed as he slumps against the table while Va'aiga rips out the monitors that The Franchise and The Gambling Man use to watch the action, not that they could get any better of a view of what is about to happen. The commentary team wheel their chairs backwards away from the table, not wanting to be caught up in The Maori's plans. Va'aiga turns Tod James Stuart around and lifts him as if for a back suplex. Mak Francis implores him,
“NO! DON'T DO IT VA'AIGA!”
…but the Maori's mind is made up, the move is already half executed and the inevitable happens as he reverses the momentum of the move and DRIVES TOD STUART JAMES CHEST FIRST THROUGH THE MOTHERFUCKING ANNOUNCE TABLE WITH AN INVERTED POWERBOMB!
“He did it, Francis!”
“MAORIBOMB! MAORIBOMB THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE! MY GOD, TOD JAMES STUART HAS BEEN BROKEN IN HALF!!!!!”
Referee Matthew Kivell has come out of the ring to check on Tod, but Va'aiga hasn't finished yet. Grabbing a loose length of monitor cable, Va'aiga holds it up high to show the crowd what he is holding before sitting on Tod's back and wrapping it around his throat. Va'aiga screams a battle cry again as he pulls back on the ends of the cable. Tod's face turns a shade of purple that the human body is definitely not meant to be as he chokes and splutters.
“YOU'RE GONNA KILL HIM! SOMEBODY STOP HIM!”
Tod is fading fast as Va'aiga continues to choke him out. Va'aiga turns to the referee and demands again that Kivell should “ASK HIM!!!!” and Matthew Kivell checks Tod... WHO FRANTICALLY TAPS ON THE TABLE FRAGMENT COVERED FLOOR! Va'aiga releases the grip on the cabling and stands up. Kivell calls for the bell.
DINGDINGDING!
Va'aiga stands slowly, holding his neck and still slightly hobbling and waits for his World Championship to be handed to him. The Maori Badass holds the title high in one hand and throws the Shaka sign with the other. The crowd chants again for “VAH-ING-UH!” as the Maori stands and poses. Va'aiga rolls back into the ring and poses again, soaking up the crowd chants as his music plays again. Funyon has his microphone handy and announces,
“The winner of this match as a result of a submission, “The Maori Badass” VAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'AAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGAAAAAAAAAAA!”
The crowd are still chanting crazily for The Maori but he asks Funyon to hand him the microphone. Va'aiga's breath is heavy and he is showing signs of the battle as he holds the microphone to his lips. The Maori puts a finger to his lips and asks for some hush as he addresses the crowd,
“TOD! TOD! Get up bro.”
Tod is helped to his feet by referee Matthew Kivell. Va'aiga looks down at his opponent and continues,
“Tod. A great match requires TWO great wrestlers. THAT was a great match. My leg hurts. My neck hurts. I don't even want to know how you feel. But Tod, TONIGHT.. tonight, you have earned my respect as a great wrestler. MUSIC CITY? MAKE SOME NOISE FOR TOD JAMES STUART MOTHERFUCKERS!!!”
Tod nods and gives his trademark point out to the crowd who respond with a ear splitting chant of “TOD! TOD! TOD!” And on that chant the picture fades out to the SWF logo and copyright notice.

So I can only win by submission and Tod can only win by pin? Iiiiinteresting. I presume we can still lose by DQ and stuff.
And hey Va'aiga did a submission at Genesis. To piss the crowd off. Two in a year? (An SWF year being Genesis to Genesis of course)

Best bit of the match. Plus, who ACTUALLY needs to get to Beeston? If you go there you either become a white person over 40 or a chinese person under 30. No other form of humanity exists there.
My friend with the stoner parents lives there. And I can't explain why Nottingham's Chinatown isn't actually in Nottingham.

“OK we've got a special treat for you tonight,” starts DJ Roy the Boy over the Salutation Inn PA, “As The Sal welcomes the superstars of the SWF. So let's get things started. Can we have Taiga Star on stage please...”
Walking into the bar up the back fire escape, past a gaggle of smoking metalheads and into the main upstairs area of the pub is Taiga. The Cold Front Classic finalist steps onto the stage and as the familiar Angus Young guitar marks the beginning of Luke Breslin's intro, Taiga begins to sing...
I WAS CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF A RAILROAD TRAAAAAAACK! (THUNDER!)
UNDERGROUND AND I KNEW THERE WAS NO TURNING BACK! (THUNDER!)
Taiga's warbling is very near the tone of the song. Her stage presence is of course massive, the audience captivated by this short, feisty hardcore wrestler.
SOUND OF THE DRUMS BEATIN' IN MY HEART
THE THUNDER OF DRUMS TORE ME APART
YOU'VE BEEN.... THUNDERSTRUCK!
And on that Luke Breslin storms in through the back door. Breslin pushes a passel of goths out of his way as he makes his way to the centre of the dancefloor and stands there, waiting for his opponent. The wait is longer than usual as Taiga HAS to finish her musical masterpiece.
YEAH IT'S ALRIGHT!
WE'RE DOING FINE!
THUNDERSTRUCK!
“Come on, let's hear it for Taiga!” implores Roy as he queues up another song. The crowd noise is somewhat apathetic... so Taiga grabs a chair as she exits the stage and makes her way to the women's bathroom, swinging the chair wildly and causing a mob of emo looking kids to scatter for their miserable little lives! Roy consults his notes and announces into the microphone,
“Is anyone going to sing the music for Va... Vi... Va.... Oh I can't say his damn name!”
Suddenly from the other stairs The Maori Badass STORMS into the room, takes one look at the DJ and FLATTENS HIM WITH AN EVIL NASTY VICIOUS DJ KILLING LAAAAAAAAARIAAAAAAAAAAAATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The scary looking bouncers from downstairs enter the scene to carry the DJ off and Va'aiga and Luke square off in the middle of the dancefloor waiting to begin the match. Reserve DJ Nikki hauls his Motley Crue looking ass from behind and sounds a Rock pub's equivalent of a bell... For Whom The Bell Tolls by Metallica!
At the sound of his music Micheal Alexander appears from a crowd near the bar and takes the stage, grabbing the mic and singing over the track... note perfect, without needing the words. Va'aiga and Breslin exchange a handshake as the crowd attention is split between the fight and The Mad Scientist Of The Microphone.
The Bres' and The Maori square off and drop back into fighting stances. As Kirk Hammett's guitar licks get the more metal members of the crowd nodding their heads and playing air guitar, Luke Breslin opens the match with a European Uppercut. From a table safely away from the action, the commentary team sit and contemplate the match ahead.
“Do you have any idea what's going to happen here tonight, King?”
“I'll have a better idea when our drinks arrive, Francis!”
Taking a deep breath, The Maori stares at Breslin before firing back wit a straight right of his own. Breslin goes in for a lock up which the Maori takes, and Breslin is powered backwards and down. Breslin slips free and slides round behind the Maori, taking a side headlock. Breslin works the headlock with some skill, but the Maori counters by shoving him roughly off.
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLLLLLS! TIME MARCHES ON!
“This is getting strange, King.”
“I'm enjoying it, Francis. Now will someone grab me another Jack Daniels?”
This time it's The Maori who goes for a lockup, but Breslin's skill allows him to quickly transition to an Irish Whip and The Maori is sent careering across the pub floor, leaving rockers diving for cover in his wake. Va'aiga grabs out for a foreign object and finds a bottle which on his return to the fighting area he swings wildly towards Breslin, who wisely ducks. Breslin grabs the arm of The Maori and applies a wristlock, forcing him to drop the bottle. Breslin kicks the bottle away and wrings Va'aiga's arm.
“Luke is a hell of a technicianwhen he wants to be, but is the right environment?”
“There's always time for technique, Francis,” replies King, downing another shot of sourmash.
Shaking Luke Breslin loose, Va'aiga frees himself and rains down a series of short elbow strikes forcing Breslin to back off. With a two step run up, Va'aiga drives a knee hard into Breslin's sternum, doubling The Bres' up in pain. Va'aiga grabs a side headlock and looks to spike Breslin with a DDT. Breslin wriggles free however, not particularly looking to be smashed head first into the hard wooden floor. Meanwhile the crashing finale of For Whom The Bell Tolls ends and DJ Nikki calls out
“TKO? Do we have TKO?”
Making a charge, Va'aiga drives a shoulder into Luke Breslin's gut but Breslin turns to the side as the blow lands, lessening the impact. TKO take the stage and KOJI begins to sing in his strangulated accent.
YOU SHOW US EVRYTHEE YOUGOTAH!
YOU KEEPAH DANCY AN THE ROOOOO GESHOTAH!
YOU DRIVE US WHY WE DRIVE YOU CRAZEEE!
Using the Maori's momentum against him, Breslin takes Va'aiga down to floor level by picking a leg. Va'aiga's face shows no emotion as Luke works the leg with a hefty wrench. Va'aiga kicks out with his free leg and forces himself free before taking a standing position again. Breslin nods and smiles as Va'aiga stands, showing a little respect for The Maori's power. On stage TORU joins in for the chorus...
IIIII WANNA ROCKAN ROLLAAA NIIIIIIII
ANPARTY EVERYDAY!
“Luke Breslin is one of the SWF's most talented wrestlers, King.”
“Which is more than you can say for TKO's singing. JD and a Labatts for my coworker, barkeep!”
A cute barmaid serves our famous commentary team with some more alcohol. Va'aiga and Luke square off again. The Maori swings a little wildly with a left hook and Breslin stylishly ducks. Stumbling forward under his own momentum Va'aiga is set up nicely for Luke to go low and smash his shoulder into the back of The Maori's knee. With Va'aiga knelt down on his other knee, Breslin follows up with a pair of rapid kicks to the spine. Va'aiga collapses backwards and The Bres' hammers home his advantage with a big knee drop. Breslin covers and referee Anthony Michael Hall counts...
ONE!
TWO!
And Va'aiga kicks out
“That was very close, King!”
“Breslin looking to snatch victory there,” King pauses to take another shot, “Nnnk nnnk nnnk aaaaaaaaaaaaah. Yeah Breslin, victory. He's always looking for it. Another JD barperson!”
Standing slowly, Va'aiga looks for something to gain an advantage with. Breslin has backed off, looking to strike with one of his high momentum moves but as young Luke charges in, Va'aiga swings a bar stool at him and Breslin reels away. Va'aiga closes in and hammers down across Breslin's back with the stool. Va'aiga covers...
ONE!
TWO!
And Breslin kicks out.
“It's too early for victory, King.”
“But it's not too early to PARTY! Another JD, barwench!”
“Can MANSON come to the stage please?”
Va'aiga hauls Breslin up to his feet and, grabbing an arm, whips The Bres' into a more crowded area of the pub. Breslin crashes through a group of goths who stand there looking miserable. But then that's what goths do, right? Va'aiga powers over towards him as on stage MANSON puts the microphone to his lips and.....
THE SHEER POWER OF MANSONOKE CAUSES A TEAR IN THE FABRIC OF REALITY! MANSON's voice, given the right level of amplification projects such a deep and profound level of awesome that the pathetic, wretched universe cannot cope. Ash Ketchum floats by, trapped for years inside another dimension due to a backfiring pokeball. Bizzaro Blazenwing enters the fray and is nice, polite and has a goatee. By the imploding cow Thoth, Dancing Thoth and Orochi are having their own private three way dance, largely involving Street Fighter MAD SKILLZ. In Russia FAO Schwartz blows up Chris Wilson. Meanwhile, 20 minutes away from the pub and overlooking the Trent FM Arena, a long haired, pudgy gentleman has an internal conversation.
“Fuck, Will. You've got to get to Beeston. Finish up and get on that bus.”
“OK. How?”
“I dunno, it's all gone a bit Pete Tong already. How about just have King wake up hungover and post it?”
“Sounds good to me.”
The following morning in his hotel room, Suicide King wakes up and dials room service.
“Damn.... I need coffee. Stat.”
King slams the phone down.
“Aaaagh. Last Night. What happened? What Happened?”
Suddenly brief memories come flooding back into King's brain, and we fade out to a long shout of
“WWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?”