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12.02.2009

my second brush with someone that i reeeeeally like and never thought i would meet face to face came immediately after leaving soft-donald. one of my favorite bloggers, MckMama was in atlanta for thanksgiving break and had arranged a last minute get-together the weekend before for anyone who wanted to come hang out. more on that another day.

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this post centers on side adventures: the youth conference started at 10am on that sunday and it was at the world congress center in downtown. the bloggy event was at 3pm and was in grant park just east of atlanta. the mckmama thing was a kind of like a little potluck and i was going to bring my AWESOME black-eyed pea and corn salsa (recipe from kristen schloegel, of pumpkin orgazmo fame and gouda mac n' cheese disaster) since mckmama is from minnesota i wanted something a bit southern. this recipe is pretty much full of things i hate but when you put it all together its a healthy melange of tasty decadence. the first time i ate it i was STARVING and don't think i would have tried it otherwise because i was yucked out by the description. SO glad i did because we make it all the time now and its so easy and yums. recipe:

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1 can of shoepeg corn, drained

1 can of black eyed peas, rinsed and drained

1 jar of sweet pepper relish (same section as pickles)

½ green pepper, chopped (use fresh unless you are in a massive hurry, much more colorful/less watery)

½ white onion, chopped (same)

tostitos multigrain tortilla chips

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mix together and refrigerate for a least a few hours. serve with chips

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so i had to have this stuff chilled and at the park at 3pm and i left our house at 8:30am having not even started to prepare it even though its supposed to refrigerate overnight. i put on my resourceful mommy hat and grabbed a bowl, a spoon and a can opener and jetted out the door to drop judah off with jesse at church. i went to kroger (publix doesn't sell the relish) and got everything i needed plus $20 cash back for parking at the dome.

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since it was raining i was freaking out because i needed somewhere to "cook" and i didn't want to get my sassy bangs wet (futile) or attract attention lest someone think i was a suburban sleeper cell terrorist going active and mixing up homemade c4 in the parking lot (irrational). i brilliantly opted to go to the drive-thru line at the bank: covered + deserted = perfect.

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just as i pulled in i realized that i never grabbed my twenty from the self-checkout line. i promptly wet myself at the thought of losing such a sum and uttered a curse for ever having to deal with actual cash money and turned the car around, double parked in front of the nearest fire hydrant and sprinted back inside kroger, thinking, "why the hell are there so many shady looking people at the grocery store at 9 am on sunday clearly waiting just to steal my money?" about the 2 or 3 elderly folks that had been just "charming dodderers" to my eyes on my last visit. miraculously the money was still there and the malicious glint of theive-dom left the octogenarians eyes at once.

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my solution for not wanting to chop veggies AND needing to have the stuff cold was to get frozen chopped onion and pepper and let them chill everything during the day as they thawed and become edible. i was pretty much in love with myself for being so resourceful and on-the-go mommy-make-due. my horse was HIGH at this moment. if it had been possible i would have made out with me.

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and i left only a puddle of black-eyed pea and corn juice behind to tell the tale (plus the leftover onions and peppers in a bag in the trunk that i discovered trying to evolve into swamp-thing 10 days later)

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so i went to the conference, had a blast, judged the other attendees, hung around and tried to get donald miller to hit on me while practicing graciously telling him that i was happily married while only inveigling him further with my charm (seriously? what is wrong with me? this is what passes for excitement in my life: being a half-assed groupie at a christian book signing). jesse showed up and we swapped cars, cargo and possession of the bug and i headed to lena and elliot's to check the dip and calm down for 30 minutes before leaving for the blogfest.

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unfortunately, not pictured above is a well-fitting top for the bowl. we were using press n' seal instead. when we swapped cars jesse was the one who moved the dip and he decided to put it on the backseat rather than the floorboard which is OBVIOUSLY where all beings of intelligence higher than a bacterium would put their spill-able foodstuffs.

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so i pull into lena and elliot's parking deck (because OBVIOUSLY lena was coming with me to the event and not jesse because i am making a full transition to life-partnership with her). i get out and start gathering my stuff and something strange happens. its not often that you are unloading a car and your hand splashes down into a puddle of something gathered in the butt-molded bowl of the seat. alas, the exact same liquid detritus from the dip that i had left as a calling card at wachovia was pooling all over my backseat (it seems the veggies melting plus the general runny nature of salsa left me with a hearty surfeit of dip juice). the only thing that kept it from being everywhere was that my beautiful brand new(ish) black baby sling was surrounding it and absorbing much of the juice.

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let me say that mckmama is a babywearing fool and i immediately had visions of showing up without the sling, having to use the stroller instead, and being cast out of the picnic and the mommy-blogosphere for committing the cardinal sin of conveying my child in a metal/plastic machination rather than snuggled warmly against my deflated bosom. (away we go, anyone?)

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before even attempting to clean it up/avoid further staining/be a grownup i naturally prioritized the situation and determined that a call to jesse was of utmost importance. i led off by screeching like a harpy into the phone about his failings as a food-transferer and as a human being in general. i heralded the inevitable loss of our precious new car smell and wove tales of baby-killing black-eyed pea mold spores infesting the upholstery. i rang the death-knell of my dip, the sling, and several infant koalas as the obvious consequences of his atrocious actions. i am pretty sure i put a pox upon his house (and therefore mine) at some point in the conversation.

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two (of, mmm, several) reasons i am nuts to freak out. 1: elliot is Captain Helpful of the Diligence Brigade and helped me clean the car (and by helped me, i mean he pretty much pushed me out of the way when he saw the half-assed job i was doing and did it 3 times as thoroughly himself while i stood to the side and lamely murmured, "wow, great job...that looks good") and then hand-washed my sling and threw it in the dryer...so i had it after all. and 2: in reality, even hippie moms use strollers; and hippies, as a rule, don't cast people out of their gatherings. double safe!

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shortly after our arrival. ah, bangs, you fickle mistress (thanks for the fluff/warning lena..NOT). that is the adorable medical miracle boy stellan in arms in the background with the reflective striped jacket.

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the final installment of this series is coming soon. i didn't intend to do a whole post on this nonsense in between, but felt i needed to raise a digital ebenezer (recycled. KNK, don't tell) to the crappy (& bonkers) things that i think/say/do in the heat of stress that is really only stress to me and even then only in that 1 hour period. sorry, jesse. sorry, humanity.