#16…good pussy is not enough! i know it seems like all men are primarily concerned with hittin the ass, but believe it or not we want and need more than that from you. we need you to stimulate our spirits, as well as our loins! 🙂 we need you to inspire us to want to become better people for you. a woman who’s love and inspiration can convince a man to be better for her, is a keeper.

#17..don’t place more value on the relationship than you place value on your own integrity. Don’t be willing to do ‘whatever’ it takes to make a relationship work. Know your limits and make them known UP FRONT! If you sacrifice too much of who you are to accommodate all of who he is, the relationship loses balance, and thus compromising its full potential for growth

#18…believe in the POSSIBILITIES. have faith in the possibilities that an authentic spiritual connection with your mate can bring. far beyond a religious connection, i’m talking about the interconnectedness of your destinies, manifested through the actualization of divine perfection. expand your conception of what’s possible. think beyond what you know

#19…this dude ain’t the other dude. So, stop bringing your expectations and insecurities from your past relationships to this one. If you’re waiting for new dude to lick the coochie the same way the other dude did, you might as well go back to where you came from. Why assume this dude is gonna beat your ass cause the last dude did? This is a new possibility, so allow it to be.

#20…stop comparing your relationship to the relationships of your friends. Stop looking at someone else’s perceived ‘greener grass’, and spend some time fertilizing your own lawn. Just because her man does something you like, that doesn’t mean your man is required to do the same. If you want what her man does done to you, you need her man.

#21…get your OWN f*ckin’ man! Why would you want to try to ‘take’ a man from someone and then expect him to be faithful to you? Actually, most women who claim to like their girl’s man, don’t want them because they need the man, they do it to prove they can take the man. It’s an attempt to boost the ego of a woman who actually has very low self-esteem and an even lower sense of self-worth.

#22…be a porn star, at least in the privacy of your own home!! after you get over 21, all the sexual hang-ups get a little irritating. being a prude is the most unsexy thing in the world, and a guaranteed way for your relationship to have problems. i mean, you ain’t gotta do shit that’s physically impossible. don’t let him put something in your booty that you know can’t fit, but lil shit like giving head ain’t even considered freaky no more!! that shit stop being freaky in the 70s!!!!! find things you’re comfortable with, but if ordinary intercourse is all your willing to consent to, be prepared for the consequences.

#23….make up your damn mind!! all this back and forth, ambivalence and indecisiveness, is counterproductive. by the time the man you want comes into your life, you should already know he’s on his way, because you are already where you need to be, waiting for him. the universe gives us what we ask for through our actions and intentions, and most of us ask for the wrong things!

#24…a woman who REALLY knows sports, and doesn’t just watch it cause her man does, is quite sexy! learn to enjoy and BE KNOWLEDGEABLE about things that your man find enjoyable. if you’re not really into sports, don’t fake it because that will just piss him the fuck off…and you’re gonna sound stupid. if sports isn’t your thing, acknowledge it and keep it moving, so there will be no unrealistic expectations. but, if you really do enjoy it, and can watch the game with you man, and y’all can share the experience equally, you got your best friend sharing your bed!

#25…strive to be EXTRAORDINARY. In every aspect of your life, nor just your career, or as a parent, but in everything you do try to reach your fullest potential. make the pursuit of continual growth a priority in your life. Always want to be better tomorrow than you are right now, and make sure anyone you allow in your life has the same commitment to growth

#26…always smell good! the lotions and cremes and smell goods are a MUST!!! if i smell better than you, we got problems…and especially, ‘down there!’ i wanna take my time and enjoy myself when i take the plunge, not immediately look for the emergency exits. The hair smelling good, skin and feet nice and smooth…and mos def put some lotion on your booty! an ashy booty really sucks!

#27…Know what you’re looking for! Be precise about the qualities you want in a man. Most of us don’t get what we want, because we never decide what that is. And the qualities on your list should be less about who you are, and more about who he is!

#28…What is HAPPILY SINGLE? I was never happy when I was single…LOL I mean I wasn’t pressed, but to me the absence of sadness or pain does not equate to happiness. I’m not one of those people who believe we don’t need a mate to be whole. To the contrary, I believe in the divine order and balance of the universe represented by a complementarity of masculine and feminine energy to create a divine perfection.

#29…Allow yourself to be loved! a lot of us miss out on our truest loves because we are either AFRAID of what we think love is or are UNAWARE when authentic love presents itself to us. Be not only prepared, but also receptive when love comes, because it may not come back again. **DISCLAIMER: I DON’T BELIEVE IN ‘LOVE…but i know you do! 😉 **

#30…Knowing how to cook makes a woman a look a lot more muthafuckin’ fine! Sure, you can be fine while we’re ordering out or I’m cooking every night, but when I come in that kitchen, and you’re putting in work on that stove, that’s an aphrodisiac that hard to beat!

I looked over at the clock and suddenly became pissed that I had allowed myself to fall asleep. Justine was supposed to have been gone a long time ago. As a matter-of-fact, she wasn’t supposed to be there at all.
Ordinarily, my rule was not to allow anyone into my humble abode that didn’t call first, but for whatever reasons, I allowed her to get away with that rule, far too many times, and regardless of how many times I reminded her, she still chose to do things in her own way.
When I got up from my bed, I heard the vibration of my phone going off for the umpteenth time. I didn’t bother to look to see who it was, I already knew. My plans for the evening were drastically delayed, and there was no need to look at my missed calls or to listen to the voice mail messages that would only remind me of where I was supposed to be.
“Justine,” I said as I gently nudged her. “It’s almost twelve o’clock. You need to get up now. I’m sure Pastor Reynolds is wondering where his wife is.”
“Fuck him,” she began mumbling. “His tired ass is probably somewhere with one of his tricks.”
“Seriously Justine, I don’t think that it’s cool for you to stay out so late. I’m almost certain that he’s worried sick about you.”
She finally began to move around under the sheets, while continuing to mumble curses. As I watched her naked body emerge from the bed, I couldn’t help but notice how perfect it was for her to be a mature woman with two adult children and three grandchildren.
Her honey colored, flawless skin was immaculate, and her body could compete and win any day against any young woman in there early twenties. I remembered the first day I met her all I could think of was how much she reminded me of Phylicia Rashad. Yes, I can admit that when I was younger I had a huge crush on Claire Huxitable.
In all of my twenty-seven years on this earth, I’ve never dated or had sex with a woman my age or younger, I’d always been attracted to older women. Partly, I knew, stemmed from the fact that my mother was never a major part of my life. I try not to get into all the psychoanalytical bullshit, but I realize her giving me up at an early age and my once strong desire to find motherly love had a lot to do with it.
“I’m not sure if I like the fact of you kicking me out of your apartment T’Shobi. This is the third time in a row,” she said as she walked out of the bathroom. “I’m beginning to think that you and that damn Tinisha Jackson really are having a thing. Don’t think that I don’t hear the little rumors floating around the church.”
I stood silent as she spoke. I had heard the rumors too but that’s all they were. Tinisha was five years younger than I was, and nowhere near my flavor of loving.
“Justine, you know those are just lies. Since coming to Deliverance Temple as the minister of music, there’s only been one woman that I’ve been with or even desired to be with.”
I then walked towards her, wrapped my arms around that perfect body of hers then allowed my lips to touch hers.
“Um-huh and it better stay that way too.”

Immediately after walking Justine to her car, I literarily ran back to my room and checked my cell phone.
Sixteen missed calls, ten messages on my voicemail, and five text messages. Without checking, already knowing who it was, I decided to take a long hot shower before calling back to inform that I was on the way.
While the hot water splashed across my body, I began to think of my life over the past seven months. I moved from Atlanta, Georgia to Charlotte, North Carolina hoping to escape my past, but as always, my ways never allowed me to get as far as I wanted to or as far as I needed to.
Suddenly I heard the voice of the woman I came to know as my MeeMa, speak to me the day I left Montgomery Alabama nine years earlier.
“Baby no matter how far you run away, you will never be able to run from yourself.” As much as I didn’t want to admit it, she told me nothing but the truth.
My MeeMa was a wise old woman who took me in as her own when I was sixteen. She was the one that taught me how to live and even love again after all the bullshit I had experienced in my short years of living.
Immediately after stepping out of the bathroom, I heard my phone singing the distinctive ring tone, once again informing me of how late I was.
“I’m about twenty minutes away,” I said, then hung up without waiting for a response.
Driving in my car, I thought about the first time I met Justine Reynolds, the First Lady of Deliverance Temple Church. She walked into Pastor Reynolds office without knocking.
“I’m Sorry Seth. I didn’t realize you were meeting with someone.” Her voice was melodic, sounding as if she was singing.
“Sweetheart,” he began as he rose from his desk. “Please come in and allow me to introduce you to our possible new Minister of Music, T’Shobi Wells.”
“Oh, this is the infamous Mr. Wells. I must tell you, I’ve heard nothing but great things about you. If all is true, I can’t wait to see how you can turn our music ministry around.”
As Pastor Reynolds and I continued discussing what my duties would be as well as my compensation, Justine pranced around the office as if she were cleaning up and making sure everything was in place.
It was difficult for me not to notice her, and I could tell that she was checking me out as well. I’ve always had a gift of knowing when someone wanted to sex me. I’ve been a musician for churches as long as I knew how to talk, and for some reason always a target for older women. I had my very first sexual encounter days before my thirteenth birthday with a woman old enough to be my mother, and as got older; I learned how to decipher certain looks and innuendos, a gift that was also a dreaded curse.
After Pastor Reynolds and I completed our conversation, I decided to attend services the following Sunday and get a feel of how things were there as well as a feel of his congregation.
Once I drove into the parking lot, the first person I noticed was Justine. She damned near broke a heel flagging me down to instruct me that I could park my car in front of the sign that read: MINISTER OF MUSIC
As soon as I locked the door of my BMW, she immediately placed her arm inside of mine and escorted me towards the front door.
“I see playing keyboards has been good to you,” she said looking back admiring my car.
“It’s been a Blessing.”
“Well I’m sure you will find it a Blessing if you decide to rest your magic fingers here at Deliverance Temple.” She then gave me the most sensuous smile that I could actually feel my southern region begin to move.
When we walked into the huge church, everyone looked towards her as she continued to escort me to the front of the church where the musicians sat. By the jealous look from the keyboardist who they had been using as an interim had given me, I could tell he wanted to kick my ass, but Justine quickly shooed him away as if he were a small child in the way.
“I can’t wait to see what those magic hands can do,” she said with a wink before taking her rightful seat on the front row.
After services that day, Pastor Reynolds invited me over to their house for dinner. As I sat at the table with their two grown sons and their wives and children, I could feel Justine’s eyes piercing my skin. I did my best to avoid eye contact with her, but she made it impossible. Every time she spoke, her question or topic of conversation had been directed to me.

As much as I tried not to notice her, I did. She was exactly the type of woman that had always turned me on. She was mature, yet had the energy of a teenager. Her hair was short and black with just a hint of gray that made her look distinguished, and as I said before, she had the body that could make any man shout Hallelujah.
For weeks after accepting the job, I pleaded with myself not to take things to a sexual level with her, but as all temptations seem to do, it took over me like a raging bull. One week, five days, twelve hours and fifty-two minutes of trying to hold out from her had caved in.

When I arrived to the hotel, thoughts of what happened when I was in Atlanta replayed in my head. Being in a situation exactly like this is why I left. I wanted to start fresh. I wanted to start new. I thought leaving Atlanta I could do that, but as the months began to pass, I realized that it wasn’t Atlanta that I had to run from, but it was me that needed to change.
Riding on the elevator of The Blake Hotel, in uptown Charlotte, my mind quickly traveled back to that first dinner at Pastor Seth and Justine Reynolds’s home. She wasn’t the only one checking me out that day. She wasn’t the only one telling me with their eyes what they wanted to do to me or have me do to them.
“Why the fuck do I continue to do these things?” I softly asked myself as I stepped out of the elevator.
When I arrived to the room, I lightly tapped on the door.
“About damn time, what in hell took you so long?”
“I’m sorry I got tied up with something?” I said as we embraced.
“Tied up with something, or with someone? The rumor is that you and that lil cute girl Tinisha Jackson have a thing going on.”
“Seth, you should know better than anyone, that Tinisha Jackson is definitely not my flavor,” I responded to my Pastor Seth Reynolds as we both fell onto the bed to make love until the early hours of the morning.