Thursday, 12 September 2013

"SURFING THE CRIMSON WAVE . . ."

I know we all like to rag (pun intended) on our time of the month. Let's face it, it doesn't have many nice side effects. And mine turned up today (I would say like clockwork, but mine tends to just generally turn up whenever the fuck it wants) so of course I can feel the cramps beginning to form low in my stomach because I get my pains AFTER it starts, not before . . . but then I started to think "there's good points to my period too".

You wondering what I mean? Let me elaborate . . .

***You have an excuse for being in a bad mood. Or for crying uncontrollably because someone beat you to the last bottle of £5 supermarket brand cava and you have to buy the £10 bottle of prosecco instead. (This didn't happen to me. Honest. I swear.)

***You can eat WHATEVER you want and blame your period for it. Want a curry with the full works? You got it. Two for Tuesday Domino's pizza even though you live alone? Go for it. IT'S YOUR TIME OF THE MONTH ergo it's allowed!

***You're allowed to lie around and do nothing, but moan about cramps, hold a hot water bottle against you and snuggle while eating chocolate, and watching bad romcoms. You can do this FOR A WEEK OF EVERY MONTH!!!

***It's a good excuse not to have sex, if you can't really be bothered. This is probably only a good thing if you do get sex regularly. Not so much if you're me and, well.... DON'T. But I'm trying to look at it from all angles here . . .

***You can blame any weight gain and/or bloating on it. It's not the curry. Or the Domino's pizza. It's your period! (Technically it is, since it WAS your period that caused the craving for the junk food in the first place...)

***You can use it as a way to make boys uncomfortable. If you want a favour out of them. Or just for funsies if you're a bit sadistic that way. Everyone knows that when a period is mentioned in front of a man, their penis gets very VERY slightly smaller. It's scientific fact. Or I just made that up. One of those options.

Hahaha I get really really snarky and easily angered for about two days before mine. Then I have a MASSIVELY HUNGRY DAY where I somehow eat and eat and eat but don't put on weight. Just for that day. Then...I let myself be really really lazy the day it starts :)

I never used to suffer with PMT but in the last year or so, about 5 days before I'm going to come on, I going a little bit ... well... batshit crazy. I get paranoid, want to cry, want to argue (which I never do, I'm a lover not a fighter). My best friend is brilliant and puts up with my texting her ramblings of emotional slightly mental nonsense and she replies with "Are you due on? Go and have a glass of wine" xx