Tips for choosing a known donor

How did we choose our donor? Well the donor is a friend of my partner's. They met in graduate school a long time go. They talked about it jokingly for a long while, but then it became something that we all carried around for a few years. And at the same time we were all looking around to see which of our male friends might be interested. And it's hard to find somebody. I mean it's a big thing to ask somebody. So it's not like they're just tons of men lining up out there to do this for people. In the end, the man that we choose was a good friend. He was somebody that liked children a lot but didn't want children of his own. He was smart. he was really kind. He was intelligent. And he was really committed to the idea of doing this with us and for us but also stepping back and saying, you guys are the primary parents. And in the end, that was what we went with and we've been really happy with that.

Susan Goldberg, MA

Author & Blogger

Susan Goldberg is a writer, editor, essayist and blogger, and coeditor of the award-winning anthology And Baby Makes More: Known Donors, Queer Parents, and Our Unexpected Families. Her writing has been featured on the CBC and the Globe and Mail, in Ms., Lilith, and Stealing Time magazines, and several anthologies, including the forthcoming Chasing Rainbows: Exploring Gender-Fluid Parenting Practices. Susan is a contributing blogger at Today’sParent.com and VillageQ.com. In 2012, she was chosen as one of BlogHer’s Voices of the Year. She’s currently (always) working on a novel, called Step on a Crack, and on Overflow, a one-woman performance piece about lingerie and breast cancer. Susan lives in Thunder Bay, Ontario, with her partner and their two sons.

How did we choose our donor? Well the donor is a friend of my partner's. They met in graduate school a long time go. They talked about it jokingly for a long while, but then it became something that we all carried around for a few years. And at the same time we were all looking around to see which of our male friends might be interested. And it's hard to find somebody. I mean it's a big thing to ask somebody. So it's not like they're just tons of men lining up out there to do this for people. In the end, the man that we choose was a good friend. He was somebody that liked children a lot but didn't want children of his own. He was smart. he was really kind. He was intelligent. And he was really committed to the idea of doing this with us and for us but also stepping back and saying, you guys are the primary parents. And in the end, that was what we went with and we've been really happy with that.