The sex toy so good, I almost passed out the first time I used it

When I opened the pretty pink box with the word “Womanizer” on the side, I was like, “Aw, what a cute vibrator!” I mean, it was pink and had roses on it and even a big Swarovski crystal. It was about the size of a computer mouse, and it seemed so lovely, innocent even.

I did a quick skim of the directions: nothing complicated. Just put the little end thing on your clitoris and play with the settings. I lay down to give the Womanizer a try… and, when I finished, I almost passed out. I thought about shouting downstairs to my husband, “Call the police! This thing should be illegal!” Instead, I texted all of my girlfriends and told them I’d found the end-all, be-all of female sex toys.

I got on the phone with Womanizer spokesperson Morgan Rossi, and I think she understood most of what I was saying, in between my hysterical vibrator worship. Apparently, the Womanizer was invented in Germany by Michael Lenke, tinkerer and generally brilliant dude. Always the inventor, he never really delved into the sex market until wrapping his head around a “pleasure air” idea, without really knowing what application it would have. He and his wife figured it out after, I assume, much hands-on experimentation. (Lucky wife.)

So what’s the deal? How does a contraption that looks like a computer mouse leave me screaming and half-conscious? Here’s your tech lesson of the day…

“There are lots of clitoral stimulators out there,” Rossi said, “but there’s the problem of numbing, desensitization and over-stimulation. A huge amount of women can’t use that direct stimulation. It’s just too much. With the Womanizer’s pleasure air technology, it’s so gentle, so effective and ultimately, it’s kind of touchless. Air flow and air pressure are doing all the stimulation.”

She continued, “If you were to crack open our product, you would see all these little chambers. What they’re doing is pulling in air and blowing air out simultaneously. That’s what you’re feeling, almost a pulling sensation. It’s not actually coming into contact with the clitoris or rubbing it. It’s the air flow that creates the sensation.”

See? When I was joking with my girlfriends about the Womanizer being a clit vacuum, I wasn’t completely joking. Let’s face it: Many women can’t get off without clitoral stimulation. Sex feels good, but intercourse isn’t always great. The Womanizer bypasses this problem by focusing solely on the clitoris, and the effects are astounding.

Rossi said, “I’ve heard of many women writing to us, letting us know that for some of them, it’s the first time they’ve had an orgasm. They’ve never found a product or partner who can deliver quite like this.”

That said, Rossi was clear: The people at epi24 are not trying to make men obsolete in the bedroom. The Womanizer can easily be used with a partner, as well. She said, “Just because a woman could achieve an orgasm in less than sixty seconds with the Womanizer doesn’t mean you have to.”

(Pause in awe of a product that’ll make you orgasm in 60 seconds and leave your whole body twitching.)

“You can use this product on the clitoris to warm up,” Rossi said. “It doesn’t have to be on the clit. You can use it on nipples, too. By no means is it limited to ‘gotta get to work, get in, get out, quick orgasm.’ It can certainly be integrated into couple’s play,” as evidenced by some very helpful sexual position suggestions on the Womanizer website.

So are we calling this a miracle product? No. OK, maybe. I mean, listen to this testimonial, one of Rossi’s favorites about the Womanizer: “A woman who had gone through chemotherapy got in touch. She said through all of her treatments, her libido was down. She didn’t feel like having sex. She’d tried other products really to no effect. Nothing was working. She came upon the Womanizer, and she felt the need to contact us because she hadn’t had that pleasure in six years, and it brought her to tears.”

And the angels sing.

The first generation of the Womanizer was called the Delight. The new version, only on the American market now for a few months, is called the Deluxe with some added speeds and a change in aesthetics. Aesthetics seems pretty dang important to epi24, the company who produces the Womanizer. The look of the product is actually one of spokesperson Rossi’s favorite things. She said, “I have to hand it to the designers. It’s so innocuous. It’s very approachable. Aside from the amazing technology and effectiveness of the product, I do love the design.”

This can be important for women especially when, say, traveling through airline security, but also for women who’ve never owned a vibrator before. Thankfully, we’ve moved past the huge penis shapes of old. As Rossi pointed out, “Vibrators have been changing over the years: less and less of those phallic vibrators and more things that are aesthetically pleasing. The Womanizer is not intended to be an affront in any way. It’s something you can feel comfortable owning and not embarrassed about.”

For me, sex toys are never embarrassing, so I don’t have such a high interest in aesthetics. I want a vibrator that’s going to get the job done. I can’t tell you enough that the Womanizer gets the job done.

The Womanizer Deluxe is now available from distributors nationwide, retailing at $219. The Womanizer Delight is a little cheaper, but can you put a price tag on the best orgasm of your life? I don’t think so.