Two fisherman are out sailing when suddenly a hand appears in the sea. "What's this?" asked the first fisherman, "It looks as if someone is drowning!"<br>"No," explained the second fisherman, "It's just a little wave." <br><br><br>

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the "men of God," the rival florist across town thought the competion was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his mother to ask the friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too. So the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving That Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.<br><br>How do you get holy water?<br>Boil the hell out of it.<br><br>What did the fish say when it hit a concrete wall?<br>"Dam!"<br><br>What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?<br>Polaroids.<br><br>The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words <br>which were better unspoken.<br>Homer

Three vampires walk into a bar. Bartender asks the first one what he'd like - vampire says he'll have a pint of O+. Bartender asks second vampire what he'd like - vampire also says he'll have a pint of 0+. Bartender asks third vampire what he'd like - he says he'll have a pint of plasma. So the bartender says - let me see if I've got this right - that's two bloods and one blood lite.<br><br>

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!" <br>After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"<br><br><br><br>

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