Taylor Swift and One Direction’s Harry Styles are dating now, but let’s be real: they’re going to break up. I’m sure of it. You’re sure of it. Anyone who has thought about Taylor Swift for even one minute over the past five years is sure of it. This is just what she does. Swift kisses and kisses and kisses, and then she tells (with varying degrees of coyness) on her multi-platinum albums.

But thanks to American Idol Season 9 alum Tim Urban (straight outta left field, I know!), we no longer have to wait for Swift’s inevitable confessional about Harry Styles on her inevitable fall 2014 album. Urban’s written one for her, and it’s hilariously, almost unbelievably on-point. Seriously, is he her secret ghost writer?

The opening couplet had me on board right away. “He was the wrong direction with a beautiful face,” Urban sings. “He made me smile on those December days.”

I mean, that’s just classic Swift, right? But it was the sassy kiss-off at the end of the chorus that sealed the deal for me: “There won’t be a next time for him/ And he can keep his accent.” Ahhhh, how is this not already a real Taylor Swift song?!