Saturday, February 01, 2014

Super Bowl XLVIII: The Q&A

OK, so this has become more banter back and forth than a standard Q&A. Nevertheless, the Super Bowl Inquisitor makes his annual visit to this blog. If there was ever a place where you absolutely needed clarification or perspective on any issues surrounding the most celebrated professional sporting event in the world.....well.....you likely won't get it here. Ah, but we have fun anyways.

Commence inquisition.

Super Bowl Inquisitor: I’ll start this off with the musical acts, though I assume you’ll likely ridicule anything that’s not of the ‘80s genre.
Brad Carlson: I gotta be me.

SBI: Uh Huh. The national anthem will be sung by opera singer Renee Fleming. What say you?
BC: Who else but a soprano in New Jersey?

SBI: Halftime entertainment will feature Bruno Mars and….
BC: (interrupting) The movie character played by the same guy who invented “Borat?”

SBI: For the love of…..never mind. Now I know you’ve heard of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. They will also be part of the halftime extravaganza. That must do something for ya.
BC: Rather appropriate that a band with a hit song titled “Under the Bridge” would be playing in a state governed by Chris Christie.

SBI: This is the first Super Bowl where the venue is an outdoor stadium (New Jersey’s MetLife Stadium) in a cold weather climate. How will that impact the game?
BC: Shouldn’t be a huge factor. For crying out loud, it’s not like they’re embarking on some sort of mission in the Antarctic Peninsula. Though I will enjoy seeing the hoity toity attendees seated in the stadium’s lower bowl hit the exits long before the game ends.

SBI: The Denver Broncos have the NFL’s most explosive offense whereas the Seattle Seahawks possess the league’s stingiest defense. Are you going with the old “Unstoppable Force vs. Immovable Object” analogy here?
BC: Way too predictable. I prefer to use a baseball analogy, like the 1927 New York Yankees lineup (Ruth, Gehrig, et al) facing the late ‘90s Atlanta Braves starting pitching (Maddux, Glavine and Smoltz).

SBI: Does Broncos QB Peyton Manning need this second Super Bowl win to solidify his legacy as one of the all-time greats?
BC: In the same way Laurance Olivier “needed” a second Academy Award for Best Actor to solidify his status as all-time great thespian.

SBI: Are you bothered by the incessant trash talking of Seahawks CB Richard Sherman?
BC: I’m more amused by it than anything else. Given he has a Communications degree from Stanford, I’m quite certain he could work in a word like “verisimilitude” into the verbal harassing of opponents.

SBI: Are you shocked that it costs $4 million to run a 30-second commercial during the Super Bowl?
BC: Only in the fact that something actually usurps the Federal government’s spending pace (approximately $3.3 million per 30 seconds).

SBI: Super Bowl Sunday parties often feature a veritable buffet. What’s on the menu at your gathering?
BC: My tradition is to partake in foods which are common in the region of the cities and/or states representing the Super Bowl participants.

SBI: Hmm. So what type of cuisine would best represent Washington state and Colorado?
BC: Since both states have legalized marijuana, pretty much all foods are edible after a toke or two. That said, I will be in solidarity with the stoners by pretty much gorging on whatever’s available-----sans actually smoking a joint, of course.

SBI: You’re just trying to bait me into taking a shot at Percy Harvin, aren’t you?
BC: Not at all. Besides, my personal invective is saved for the sleazy Pete Carroll, who bailed on USC’s football program before the sanctions hit. You know it’s bad when one makes Bobby Petrino look virtuous.

SBI: Well as Carol Burnett once crooned, “I’m so glad we had this time together.” Before I move on to another year of...uhh...not contributing to this blog, what is your prediction for the game?
BC: The Broncos are a 2-point favorite. However, Manning will not have the luxury of imitating a cigar store Indian like he did against the pathetic pass rush of the New England Patriots. With that, I say the Seahawks not only cover but win outright 24-23, which means Sherman will have an opportunity to trash talk Mickey Mouse.

About Me

Christian. Husband. Conservative. Sports rube.
I host a weekly radio show Sundays from 2:00 pm until 3:00 Central Time on Twin Cities station AM 1280 The Patriot. You can also listen online at www.am1280thepatriot.com