2010 Year in Review

So looking over my facebook status entries for the past year, I’ve compiled a list of items that were most meaningful to me. I’ve done this so that I may demonstrate to the world what an important person I am when it comes to wasting time. My working title is:

Marvel at the Textual Utterances Leaked from My Brainpan in 2010

Can someone please tell me how you know when you’ve applied one coat of mascara? What is one coat?

I haven’t had anything witty to write in some time. That being said, the only reason our toenails grow is so that we’ll look at our feet every couple of weeks to see if they need to be trimmed. Otherwise, we would never look at our feet at all.

It has come to my attention that I may, in fact, be a blasphemer and woe shall come unto me. I always thought that Job and I may have had a lot in common which explains why I shake my fist at the heavens on occasion, albeit ever so gently, and with downcast eyes, on my knees, behind a really big rock (you know, in case lightning comes at me).

I smarted off to Jaime. She coldly replied, “I know where you sleep and I know where you’re kidneys are.”

Our bed was just a shaking early this morning! Wooo hooo! By the way, did you know that a 3.3 magnitude earthquake hit Maryville at 4:30am?

I have a mind like a steel trap…nothing can get out.

I can’t wait until stupid people are replaced by robots.

Is it too much to ask for the wind to blow that same direction that you hair is parted?

I don’t like working in funeral homes! The folks here, while nice, seem creepy and artificially calm.

I’m starting to think I am better at being a punch line than I am at delivering one.

After 14 hours of effort I have been able to interface my Meade LX200GPS 14″ telescope with my laptop. Now, in theory, it’s just point and click and the telescope should track a celestial object.

Who out there is a 2nd Amendment purist? Why can’t I carry a sword on my person? In Tennessee, it is illegal to carry a knife with a blade longer than 4″. Doesn’t this violate my 2nd Amendment rights?

A baby seal walks into a club…

A really sweet customer gave me a mess of fresh greens and a baby blanket yesterday. Welcome to Green Acres.

The gold Star Trek command female uniform was a big hit with the trick-or-treaters last night. Young people aren’t aware of just how short skirts were in the 60s. One tween girl exclaimed, “Oh! I love your costume!” Her friend, “I love how short it is!” Such were the comments all night long as I handed out candy, unconsciously tugging at the hem hoping not to give the teenage boys an extra treat.

What a comforting sensation to bathe my alveoli in a warm soft blanket of lung butter. Ahhhh, the joys of cold season.

You can vote for your favorite status by commenting here! More than likely, however, you just don’t give a damn and neither do I. Yaaaaaaaaay!!!