Thursday, November 10, 2005

Gynecology...

A bitch is always open to requests and suggestions…my ass might not jump at a topic, but y’all can always send them in.

By request…

Gynecology…This bitch has posted before about my health scare a few years back. Since it ended a cycle of invisibility that my ass had sunk into it was a good thing. This bitch can say that now, because of the distance of time.

But while my ass was dealing with issues…down there…it was a never-ending drama!

Calm down, boys! Bitches around the world need to know that they are not alone. If you aren’t a woman, just imagine an ongoing testicular issue…that’s internal and in need of probing, scraping and constant examining.

A bitch has fibroids. They are these nasty uteran tumors that grow and then dissolve and then grow again. They cause extremely heavy periods that last FOR FUCKING WEEKS, cramps that make you call out to the Devine One for relief and general drama.

This bitch discovered my fibroids when my ass rolled over and felt one of them in my lower belly. After freaking the fuck out and imagining the worst, my ass went to Planned Parenthood…oh yeah, they do lots of stuff at the Phood and they were wonderful to this bitch.

On a referral, this bitch found the most wonderful doctor in Dallas Texas. It’s a good thing that she was so good, because we got to know each other real well over the following year.

A bitch hated the stirrups, that fucking flesh separator that isn’t any more comforting heated up and the whole process of having anything dive in down there without passion. It fucking sucks…but being in pain sucks more.

My ass went on some serious hormones to reduce my fibroids…they didn’t work. A bitch endured monthly sonograms…not so bad, but nothing to throw a party about. And finally, after 6 months, my doctor looked at me and pronounced that Enid (my fibroids collective name) had to die...and she would wield the blade that killed her!

Well, the pills continued, my skin broke out in hives, my stomach was extended like my ass was pregnant with a fucking alien fetus and bitchy?…oh my ass was beyond bitchy!

My surgery was scheduled over Thanksgiving. A bitch doesn’t remember the event, but the murder of Enid was a trying time for a bitch’s sister. Post surgery, my ass soared for hours on morphine and other assorted meds…fantabulous.

Well, after my mother…who is an asshole…threw a fit over something trivial and exited the hospital room like some sort of diva on Dynasty, this bitch had one more night of morphine based dreaminess then was released.

Basically, none of this shit was cool. A patient has to be aggressive, demand answers and never shy from kicking a gynecologist to the curb should they fail to click.

Go for your yearly exam…ask about those pesky little problems and be aggressive! It will be a fucking drama…get over it, cry when you need to and stay in the game!

ok, ok, ok... i will find a doctor! i remember having abnormal cells years ago and having a special exam that included sticking a camera up past my cervix. oj had his video out at the same time and my hubby wanted to see if my video would outsell his! thank God the doctor wouldn't give him a copy.

I want to tell folks about alternative methods for fibroid treatment. In my research I found that fibroids are often associated with the liver. If the liver can be cleansed the fibroid can be decreased also using a caster oil pack on the area where the fibroid is located helps to decrease it as well. Years ago I had surgery for fibroids but they recently came back. I started on a liver cleansing(drinking a liver cleanising tea) and castor oil pack regime and it has really worked. I told my doctor I would not go through surgery again, it was just too much on my body. So I'm giving the alternative a try. So far so good. I also had to give up sugar and dairy during this time. This can be a huge sacrifice for some but it is worth it. Oh, I forgot you also have to give up things high in estrogen and most meats and decrease carbs. I know it sounds awful, like being in prison or some thing! But it is not that bad. Plus the results are fabulous! A month ago I was in so much pain because of my fibroids that I could not even move or sleep but since starting the regime, I am pain free. I offer my story, and the title of a book called, Herbal Healing for Women by Rosemary Gladstar to any woman who is looking for an alternative to surgery for her fibroids.

It's coming up on my time to do the gyno thing. I don't know anyone who looks forward to it. What would THAT woman look like? Yikes.

The last two years' visits have sucked because each had ended with a health scare.

Year one-some really questionable cells- so more smears, biopsies and other fun. Everything was ok. Last year- questionable mammo. (I have family history so the doc wanted me to get a baseline-I was 33) That was fun to keep getting redone until we were sure everything was ok. AND he made me quit taking my depo shots because they apparently increase your risk of osteoporosis. I hadn't had a period in 4 years. How happy do you think I was when that baby rolled back into town?

Girl... yesterday I finally found a doctor who takes my half-assed state insurance (don't get me started on THAT) so I could check out this cyst in my ovaries. Fortunately, he seems to be very good. He doesn't think the answer lies in dosing me up with hormones. Unfortunately, he found that the fibroid that shrank post-pregnancy decided to show up again. I've been dealing with this for years- I thought periods were supposed to last 8 days and hurt like hell.

Oh, and my sister is having a hysterectomy next week, because her fibroids just plain took over. Damn.