Child of Destiny

Monday, 23 October 2017

Is Integrity the Unicorn of the Trump Era?

I love Colin Kaepernick. Like, in my heart. To me, he is a shining beacon of integrity in a sea of selfishness and spinelessness. I read the background to his story, how he grew up, his conscious choice to embrace his identity and to stand up, or kneel, for injustice. It's compelling reading especially since some of the people he's standing up for ridicule him.
"Oh, what does he know? His parents are white."
"Who does he think he is anyway?"
And my personal favorite, "Colin is no Mohamed Ali. He's supported only by the radio guy (cthagod) and (someone else I forget who) - to which I added, + me.
Seriously?
Like people don't even seem to get the point. It's hard to live in this world if you are of above average intelligence...sigh.

Speaking of integrity...did you read Lupita's essay on Harvey Weinstein? It was so vivid that I was triggeredT. I was right there with her when she was wondering what to do with this guy wanting to give her a massage, in his bedroom, with his kids in the house.With his kids in the house!
Like, do you predators have any shame at all? Is there no line in the sand you will not cross? I saw a discussion on a facebook group which I was very tempted to screenshot and Instagram where some guys were blaming everything from the chicks being bitter (including his wife) to how there is no innocent party, to how it's 'tricky' to it takes two...yeah, one to say no and the other to ignore it.
The lengths people will go to, to not have to look in the mirror and recognize themselves...the mind boggles.
Mayim Bialik also wrote an opinion piece in which she basically asked 'not so attractive' girls who might feel left out of the "the casting couch" experience, not to worry. Somebody somewhere would find them attractive enough. It wasn't clear if she meant attractive enough to sexually assault or...
Anyways, I don't blame her.
Just like I don't blame white men for not seeing what the big deal is with white supremacy. Discrimination is totally outside their experience and unless they truly apply themselves to understand what happens, it's all Greek to them. You can't blame someone for not having experienced what you have. You can only hope that they try to educate themselves before opening their mouths.

On the other side of the coin, and I left my judgment hat at the laundry FYI, is the reaction of the - for lack of better word - victim. Lupita said no. She said no in spite of the fact that she had everything to lose. Lena Headey also said no. Cara Delevigne started singing so that she could get out of there without kissing anyone.
The point is that there is not just one way for this to go. Just because you're the target of harassment doesn't mean that you have to agree to be harassed...and then agree to be paid off afterward. Because doing that casts doubt on the next woman who claims sexual harassment. It becomes a question of "how much?"
How much is your dignity worth? Your self-respect? Is there a number?
I get it, some women are scared, they don't know how to say no, etc. That's why this is not judgment. It's pointing out for those who don't know, that there is another way. It might be more difficult but I bet ultimately, you can sleep better at night.

Because on the other side of sexual harassment is entrapment. A woman saying that Nelly raped her on his tour bus...another woman holding a press conference to say Usher gave her STIs...the ultimate aim was/is money and fame. Now, nobody is saying women can't be as money grubbing and conniving as, well, the next woman. But it's women like this that also make it difficult for women who experience genuine assault to be believed.
Again the question arises...
"How much?"
And I know you're gonna say, "But what if Nelly really raped her?"
Well, maybe he did. Ultimately only the two of them know. But I believe him. I believe him because I've watched him on his reality show with his kids for whom he is the sole breadwinner. I have seen him with his girls. And I've seen predators and how they act around women. Nelly is not a predator. He does not display any signs of misogyny, of seeing women as objects. More importantly, he is not a dumbass. He's not going to risk his freedom, his livelihood or his family for the opportunity to allegedly subjugate a woman on a bus.
Why?
Even if he wanted to cheat on his girlfriend, aren't there enough willing women? Why force somebody? It makes no sense.
Even R.Kelly's girls went to him of their own free will. He didn't make them. So we condemn him for preying on young girls when one of those young girls met him outside his pedophilia trial. Where were her parents? She must have been all of 15. How did she get there? What did she want?What is the role of free will in sexual situations?
I personally would have given my left arm to be given the choice these girls had. The choice of knowledge. Of knowing what you were getting into.

but I'm 'sleep tho...

And now back to our regularly scheduled programming. In honor of #booklaunchforcharity I did a mini virtual book tour and two of the interviews are out. Read them here and here.