Thursday, October 25, 2007

I have been summoned to post....

My good internet buddy, Laura, kicked me into gear today. I have neglected you sweet, sweet blog. And I am sorry.

I have been a little frustrated so far this week. I have been eating on plan, exercising my keister off, and today, after a long break from the scale, I got on it. And I saw what I didn't want to see. A maintain. Talk about frustration!! My goal was to be down 30 lbs by the time I was in my best friend's wedding in November. Here we are, two weeks from the wedding and I am down 15 lbs. A disaster in my book. This has not happened anything like I thought it would.

The first time I joined Weight Watchers Online was in March of 2004. I had just gone on a birthday shopping trip in Chicago with my mom and sisters, and decided that I wanted to finally get in shape for our pending September wedding. I journaled, but not nearly as religiously as I am now. I don't even know my exact starting weight and ending weight. I have some scribbles here and there that say I started somewhere around 202.5 and ended somewhere in the low 180's. I got thinking about that journey and how different it is from this one. Here is why:

---My husband pointed out that my body, even though it is heavier than when I started in 2004 (202.5 lbs), it is a much different body. The working out has been religious for the past several months. When I was 202.5 in 2004, I was a flabby mess. I am still a bit of a flabby mess, but I am MUCH more toned even at 210 lbs. (Aside...my friends swear I am lying about my weight, but when you are 6' tall you disperse your weight much differently! It's a bit of a boost to hear that there is 'NO WAY that I weigh THAT MUCH.')

---This time the journey is FOREVER. It was spawned by a wedding, yes, but it was also started as a result of wanting to be healthy for my future pregnancies, and my future family.

---I have expanded my exercise routines immensely. All I did the first time around was walk, and do the Power 90 DVD's at home. That was it. I think this is part of my frustration. Because I am working SO MUCH harder, but I am not seeing results. Likely a result of my increase in age, and my lowering metabolism as I creep closer to 30. I also realize that changes needed to be made in my diet. See below.

---I stopped taking hormonal birth control. This is a biggie. One I never thought I would be announcing to you, Internet. But, yes, this is a factor I cannot miss. My BCP had a very strong diuretic component. One I am missing very much right about now.

---I am starting to realize how important food choices are. My first time on WW, I lost weight by staying in my points range, but I ate a lot of convenience foods. I was not eating whole grains, complex carbs, lean proteins...I was eating a lot of junk. And I still lost the weight. That is the funny thing about this whole weight loss thing. You can lose by simply restricting calories. That was not working anymore and I have started to eat a lot more clean. I think my body was way too used to using the junk and it needed something to kick start it. Eating clean, will be the answer. I hope. I can honestly say I have not snacked on a 100 calorie pack in over a month.

As you can see, things are different, and I am losing differently. I am 2 weeks away from this wedding, I am nowhere near what I wanted this body to look like, but I think I am okay with that. I feel great, I look toned and my muscles are starting to pop (thanks to Corinne!). I am running (which I have NEVER done in my life) and I am seeing the big picture. This is not about deadlines, or getting thin by a certain date. This is about changing my lifestyle and my behaviors forever. And I won't give up. No matter what the scale says.

I'm pleased to hear you say that you are okay with the fact that you didn't reach your goal. While you haven't lost as much weight as you woudl like, you ARE losing inches and building muscle. Can you feel it in the way your clothes fit? Don't you feel stronger and more powerful?

You're doing a great job, Em. I am constantly amazed by your devotion to you work-outs. You are going to look fantastic at the wedding.