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Funny Stories

Posted on 10 January 2019

We are happy to share with you a collection of funny stories updated daily.
As always, we appreciate your contribution to this collection.

On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living.

I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.

Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said, "If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

-- Story submitted by Jennifer Kent [Funny Stories]

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My husband and I have been raising poultry for several years. One evening while we were at the hatchery to get a batch of chicks, a neighbor phoned, wanting to speak to my husband. He was left speechless when my daughter, five-year-old Brittany, told him that her dad couldn't come to the phone because he was in town picking up chicks.

-- Story submitted by Elaine [Funny Stories]

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I left my brand new iPhone on the counter, and went to get its cleaning cloth. My grandmother saw a mosquito, and used my iPhone as a fly swatter. I now have a broken iPhone.

Good news though: no more mosquito.

-- Story submitted by Sophia [Funny Stories]

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While touring historic buildings in Alexandria, Virginia, we visited an old church. The guide told us that George Washington had attended services there and pointed to his pew.

A reverent silence fell. The guide, encouraged by this, went on to tell us that church services back then had been very lengthy -- frequently lasting three hours or more.

The mood of the moment was shattered when an anonymous voice whispered loudly, "So George Washington slept here too!"

-- Story submitted by Emma Brooks [Funny Stories]

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Kids' Ideas About Science

1. One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second."

2. "You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind."

3. "Talc is found on rocks and on babies."

4. "Isn't inertia when something is moving, then it stops moving and keeps moving?"

5. "The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down."

6. "When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions."

7. "When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting."

8. "Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand."

9. "While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating."

10. "Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction."

11. "South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage."

12. "Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south."

13. "A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go."

14. "There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever."

15. "There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days."

16. "Lime is a green-tasting rock."

17. "Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils, while others preferred to be oil."

18. "Genetics explain why you look like your father, and if you don't why you should."

19. "Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there."

20. "Some oxygen molecules help fires burn, while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother."