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Author
Topic: I can't seem to convince my ex-bf to take the test (Read 9302 times)

When I turned out poz I tried to find my ex-bf and finally found a friend that had a friend that had a friend etc that got him to contact me. I told him the news, and I told him that if I got infected when I thought I was infected, then he would not be at risk, but we're talking a two week period. I can't be 100% that I was not infected when I was with him, I'm pretty sure, but "pretty sure" is not enough.

It's been almost a month since i've asked him to take the test; I was relieved 3 weeks ago when he called me and he said he wanted me to go with him to take the test, but it's been 3 weeks and despite talking to him and asking him 3 times a week to take the test, it's not happenning. I even bought a home testing kit for him to use, he was supposed to come today to use it, but he's not showed up.

I'm getting worried, even though I'm pretty sure he's okay, but there is a slight risk. Last week he said he had a "cold", and he sounded like it was a real cold, not flu symptoms when he was on the phone, he didn't mention any rash or high fever, and he was sniffling that's all.

I'll go with him at any time of day or night to get tested, I have the homeaccess ready, what else can I do to convince him to take the test?

Milk, as much as you are concerned you may have to accept he's not ready to get tested.

Obviously he's aware of the situation and that getting tested is a good idea. You might consider saying something like, "What's keeping you from getting tested? Should I leave you alone about this now. I'm concerned about you but I'm wondering if I am just pressing you too hard."

Try any or all of those whenever your instinct tells you is the right time -- and then realize you can only press just so far about the issue.

See how he reacts to what you ask/say.

Youre being a good friend to him, but you may have to back off a bit about this.

I'm not ready to back off, it's too important for me, but then again you may be right, I've done everything I had to do and I should let him go on with his life. Damn this is tough, I so care for him argh i have tears while writing this

Hi Milky,It's great news for both of you! Last year I had an affair and after that get an information that my husband is poz. (Yes, he is not the only one who had somebody during our marriage). And, when I told a guy the information, he went immediately to the lab. He is OK, negative... Now, I don't heve sex with my husb, my whatever doesn't want to see me because of information, and I'm.... Tashana

i knew i was exposed. i found that someone i slept with was positive. i don't know why i didn't go get tested. i was ill, seroconverting and in denial but not really denial. i knew i was poz. i knew i had it. i was shit petrified. i thought why bother i am already doomed. anyways i got sick and got tested and the doctor was shocked i was not shocked by his diagnosis. so fear. fear he knows. even if he doesn't end up having it fear will keep him from testing.

then he topped a guy (unprotected) that he knows is positive. I slapped him a lot on that one. Next test: july.

I see him tomorrow, I will need to have a talk with him, because I don't believe he understands the transmission very well, and because I look good and not like i'm going to die tomorrow, it must not be that bad.

i knew i was exposed. i found that someone i slept with was positive. i don't know why i didn't go get tested. i was ill, seroconverting and in denial but not really denial. i knew i was poz. i knew i had it. i was shit petrified. i thought why bother i am already doomed. anyways i got sick and got tested and the doctor was shocked i was not shocked by his diagnosis. so fear. fear he knows. even if he doesn't end up having it fear will keep him from testing.

I didn't relate the seroconversion symptoms with HIV. It's only when the doctor said the rash looked like syphilis that I told her to do the hiv test as well. When she announced the results she said "You do not seem surprised". I said something like "I knew it would happen, I didn't know the exact time".

my doctor actually thinks i was exposed on more than one occasion. so do i. i remember becoming quite ill after barebacking about 2 different guys a year apart but never got tested. all my other std tests came up clean. so there was no surprise or shock just a okay what now?

When I turned out poz I tried to find my ex-bf...I can't be 100% that I was not infected when I was with him, I'm pretty sure, but "pretty sure" is not enough.

I'll go with him at any time of day or night to get tested, I have the homeaccess ready, what else can I do to convince him to take the test?

Milker

Milker: Your "ex" doesn't have to get tested "any time of day or night" or at all.. Somehow I doubt he "wanted" to go with you, as much as he gave in---you can be quite persuasive. Your insistence..."'pretty sure" is not enough'" had more to do with you and your worries than his or his health. Could it be that you wanted him to receive a "clean bill of health" right away, so that if/when he turns positive in the future you wouldn't have been responsible? Let him be...Well you lucked out. He's still neg. Stop being super-nanny! -megasept

so my ex-bf tested neg.. but 2 days ago told me he had spots all over him, and also told me that he had unprotected sex with a guy, after I told him I was positive...

I was supposed to see him tonight but i'm going to see him tomorrow. I'm not sure he tested for hiv anymore. So tomorrow is going to be a serious discussion.

Milker.

Well, yeah, "that was an old post" but one that will not die, because you keep posting and posting follow-ups and addendums to follow-ups. I have to agree with you that your "ex" might have lied to you about the HIV testing. Also possible that he DID TEST AND LIED TO YOU ABOUT THE ACTUAL (BAD) RESULTS---which would be an even greater shame. I can think of a score of reasons why someone in his position might lie to you.

"Serious discussions" can only take place between people who are being straight with themselves, and with one another. You two make talk constantly, but clearly, that's not happening. -megasept

I totally agree, megasept!!! And I didnt reply about your suggestion about the "clean bill of health". I didn't think of that, but I don't think this is what I wanted, I was really concerned that I may have infected him (and maybe I did.. you're right maybe he never tested..), and I wanted him to know his status the soonest, so that I could take care of him, feeling responsible for his infection. Now that you "injected" some doubt in my mind about his testing, I'm a bit confused I admit..