Monday, August 27, 2007

I got Memed the other day, and I decided to save it for a time when I was not overly encumbered by installing hardware, driving to another city, sleeping or trying to finish an expense report.

So I'm sitting in the Calgary airport... IDS Hot Boy is chatting up two girls (they MIGHT be 16 years old) at the end of the aisle. I've finished "Noble House" and I am hoping there is a movie on this flight since I'm out of reading material.(They did, "Next" with Nicholas Cage, not too bad.)It's raining here... The flight is at 1:00. It's 12:30 now and there is no plane at the gate. This has success written all over it.(We were late, but not enough to miss our connection in Houston)

So... The Meme:

Finish these 24 sentences:

1. I've come to realize that my ex is: Far far away. Fortunately.

2. I am listening to: The hum of a Coke machine and the PA system calling for missing passengers.

3. I talk : Incessantly.

4. I love : Ugrades to Business Class.(Didn't get one this time. :( )

5. I have : A deep sense of futility.

7. I lost : All will to go on.

8. I hate it when : The Customs agent looks at me and motions me over to the "Rubber Glove"room.

9. Love is: Sticky. (But only if you do it right.)

10.There were: Times when I enjoyed traveling.

11. Somewhere: There is a roll of gaffer's tape for the mouth of the child that is crying behind me. (With my luck, the little screamer will be sitting next to me on the flight too.)(She was in the seat in front of me this time. Just my luck.)

12. I'll always be : Irritated with everything and everyone.

13. I need : Rum. And then more rum.

14. The last time I cried was : The night of July 4th. Go back and read the blog. (Feet don't fail me.)

15. My cell phone is : An albatross.

16. When I wake up in the morning : I never know where I am.

17. Before I go to sleep at night : I fill out an in-room breakfast menu and hang it on someone else's door.

18. Right now I am thinking about : Death and Dismemberment of airline flight staff.

19. Babies are : Tasty. If you use enough tarragon. And maybe some cumin.

20. I get on MySpace: for Stalking purposes. I mean..uh, to talk with friends.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

If you think a Buccaneer is too high a price to pay for corn, please go to another site. I suggest this one.

However, if the term "booty" brings to mind chests of gold doubloons, piles of gems and pearls, and burying dead shipmates to conceal your ill-gotten gains, the listen up.

International Talk Like a Pirate Day be fast approachin', mateys.You'll be needin' t' learn all th' correct language t' celebrate th' event.You'll be needin' yer Pirate Name, and mebbe a name fer ye vessel...

Some pirates live for the open sea, others join the Brethren of the Coast for the fine cuisine... (Mmmm. Weevil biscuits and grog for three meals a day!)

My favorite part is working with the crew...Needin' a little wind in your sails?

On September 19th make sure you have your hatches battened, your sash buckled, and your horn swoggled.In the mean time, I'll supply you with some additional tools to make International Talk Like A Pirate Day a success.Stay tuned.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Everyone knows that we have Ned Flander's long-lost twin brother at IDS...

You've seen this before, yes?

And many folks know that in the heat of battle (or drinking) I have been known to compare JR from the NHL to Uncle Fester of the Addams Family.

First, an introduction...Not everyone knows Uncle Fester.

Uncle Fester was the creation of American cartoonist Charles Addams, one of a group of recurring characters that were often featured in The New Yorker magazine, and eventually became the basis of a TV series in 1964 and 2 movies in the early 1990s.

IDS Hot Boy is unable equate JR and Uncle Fester since he's too young to have seen the TV show with John Astin & Carolyn Jones as Gomez & Morticia Addams, and since he doesn't go to movies he hasn't seen the movies with Raul Julia and Anjelica Houston.

So just to refresh everyone's memory...

Let's see if we can get a side by side comparison...

First- Christopher Lloyd as Uncle Fester...A very dark portrayal of the old villain.

Checking my pictures of JR...

Nope- that one won't work...

Wow...it's kinda hard to find a picture of JR that is unencumbered by superfluous females...Hmmm. Another Hooters Girl.

I decided to further the cause of science and document the way that women throw themselves at Hot Boy.

I put Hot Boy at a table near the security entrance to the A Concourse at the Montreal Airport to see how the local females would respond.Let me tell you, friends and neighbors...it didn't take long.

First, the manager of the cafe where we were conducting the study came out"to clean the table..." (nudge nudge, wink wink)

She stayed to chit chat for a minute, gave Hot Boy her phone number and gave him a peek inside her ninja outfit.

Hmmm...

Not too long after, another predator arrived on the scene and struck up a conversation with His Hotness.

This specimen performed a flanking maneuver, coming in from one side to make her attack.After several moments of inane airport-centric chitchat, she insisted on adding her contact numbers to HotBoy's cell phone, along with a quick tongue kiss before rushing off to make her flight.

Hot Boy took it all in stride, including the invitation from 4 blond flight attendants from Scandinavian Airways to join them in their hotel hot tub.(I was so shocked I forgot to shoot a picture of them...)

At the corner of 44th and Thomas Rd sits a converted Jack-in-the-Box...

Now called...That's right. Heart Attack Grill.

Now...Don't get me wrong, I think it's cool to have a gimmick...In this case, the menu is succinct and to-the-point. They stick with what they know...They only serve stuff calculated to kill you.

The Menu:An $8.00 Cheeseburger (complete with 2 kinds of cheese and Queso sauce to boot!And where else can you get lard-cooked chips? And cigarettes on the menu?Please.

To top it off- Just so's you can get your daily carcinogens,They really flame-broil the burgers... And you'll also see another gimmick... Costumes.The kitchen staff wears surgical scrubs.The manager wears a doctor's lab coat and stethoscope;

And of course, the waitresses....Well... Here you go...The fair Nadya, with my $8.00 burger.

Upon departure from Lunch in lovely downtown Montreal,Luc gave Hot Boy a tour of the NHL (or if your are Canadian, LNH) offices.I had to get back to Centre Bell and continue to work...

We suspect that Hot Boy, sad to say, is not the sharpest blade in the pack...Luc and I both wondered about his ability to follow the breadcrumbs back to the arena from the office.He is a pop culture desert, never having seen even the basic Guy-Movies...Caddyshack, Full Metal Jacket, American Pie, and even classics like The Godfather are unknown to him, and any movie quotes or references make a whooshing noise as they fly past him, unnoticed.

What with all the women throwing themselves at him, I am continually amazed at the low standards of women. (All women, and American women especially. I'm not sure, say, a Russian woman would swoon in the presence of the Hot Boy, but it sure happens on this continent.

The following is the transcript of the text messages between Luc & Yours Truly:

Luc: He's on his way backLuc: I'm going to poll the receptionist (20 something) about his hottie statusThe Big Guy: Cool! Thanks for showing him around. And let me know what she says.Luc: He's ok for an American. lolThe Big Guy: Lol!The Big Guy: That will take him down a peg or two.Luc: Cause we all know how butt ugly y'all are!! LolThe Big Guy: Ouch!Luc: Present company excepted...Luc: And his familyThe Big Guy: I'm sure! LolLuc: Ok so official rating on ryan is he's an 8. She would definitely let him by her a drink. Another good point: he doesn't seem full of himself. The Big Guy: Wow. Distressing. I thought Canadian girls had better taste.Luc: LolLuc: But her first impression was lower. She had to think about it. The Big Guy: Still sad. After analyzing, she still couldn't see past the spiked hair and boyish grin to the shallow mind and inferior gene pool. I weep for the women of tomorrow. Luc: Ah man. Another one here said "where's the hottie??"Luc: Sad indeedThe Big Guy: Damn. That's just a damn shame.Luc: Let me know if he made it back alright.The Big Guy: He's back... 37 minutes. But he said stopped to chat up some poor low-IQ Canadian girl.Luc: Not about movies that's for sure lolLuc: Damn shame (shaking head)

I have been running ever since getting back off the Island...I was in the office on Monday (the 6th) and on the road ever since.

Tuesday in Boston (or Bah-stin, as the locals call it)Wednesday & Thursday in Philly, Friday was DC,Saturday was wash day, then off to Denver on Sunday.We installed equipment at the Pepsi Center on Monday and Tuesday and had a lovely meal at the Rodizio Grill in LoDo, then drove 900 miles to Phoenix on Wednesday.Thursday and Friday were spent at the Jobing.com Arena in Glendale.Saturday I spent the day in the pool, and Sunday I was traveling to Montreal.

In Denver we stayed at a Marriott Townplace Suites hotel. Very Nice.Phoenix had us at the JW Marriott - Camelback Inn. Really, really nice...(Presumably just down the street from the Cameltoe Inn, probably not so nice- especially the swimming pool.)The Hotel here in Montreal is the Courtyard downtown.Since I'm traveling with the IDS Helpdesk Hottie, I need to go shopping for one of those "toddler leashes" in order to keep him from being lured off by women with nefarious purposes in mind...

Oh well...

Lots of pics to post, when I get a chance...

Let me leave you with a goodie or two while I work on getting some more pics up...

Also-

Since it's US Open time, our man from Maui, The Skunk, is back in Flushing Meadows and is pissed about it.Read his on-going rant about the US Hopeless...The Mighty Skunk...

Monday, August 06, 2007

The last day was the most, uh, "interesting" day...(In a "May you live in interesting times" kinda way, if you know what I mean.If you don't know what I mean, ask me some time.)

I was able to cram a full day of Loggerhead chores into 4 hours, and along with a "drop-off-and-dash" of Cubans and the ensuing merriment thereof, and the joy of everything I owned getting (finally) rained on... I made it to Garden Key and onto the Yankee Freedom for transport back to (heh) "Civilization".

Exercise Your 2nd Amendment Rights

Do you have a firearm that you have purchased for home protection, but are not comfortable with your ability to safely maintain, load and fire it?
Uncle Jay would be glad to help.
If you've never shot a firearm or would like an introduction into shooting sports, just let me know.
I can arrange range time and can give you practical assistance in learning about guns, or help you with your personal protection firearm.

Always remember the 5 rules:

1. Always treat a firearms as if it is loaded.
2. Never point a firearm at anyone or anything that you do not intend to kill or destroy.
3. Keep your finger off the trigger until you are ready to shoot.
4. Know your target and what is beyond the target.
5. Don't be a dick.

You can violate one of the rules and you might survive; If you break two of the rules, someone could be hurt or killed.
Violate the 5th rule and the person hurt or killed will probably be you.
Always remember: You are personally responsible for anything that happens while a gun is in your hands.

Ex Libiris

People who should have better judgement than to be following a subversive bastard like Yours Truly