12 May, 2005

After hearing about the horrific...

...crimes of late, and being a little tired and emotional anyway (thanks to some very annoying work pressures and a lack of sleep as a result) I found myself sat at the back of the bus, on the final leg of my (severely disrupted) journey home this evening, reading the absolutely unbelievable details of something even *animals* would never have contemplated (<14 year old girls, abducted, injected with *smack*, then *raped* and beaten, then *shot* and left for dead) just in case you missed the news reports)...

I am disgusted.

Sat there, with the paper in my hands as I forced myself through the details, I felt my face, involuntarily, form up into a terrible mask of fury, I conciously observed my chest and arm muscles tense *hard* and my heart welled up like a bursting **VOLCANO** (the same feelings as when swept away reading the kind of fictional **HORROR** that Steven King so kindly lavishes us with (or prepares us for) - helpless, loved one in mortal danger - and oh so very often...)...suffice it to say, feeling slightly calmer now, if any one of those 6 suspected individuals had been in range, (my rage is circling in my head, even as I type this) well, put it this way, it is genuinely hard not to feel "mob-like"...

*BUT* this is not the way English Law works, and for *very* good reason* (I remind myself)...

Taking this in mind, as I step off the bus at East Surrey Hospital, I groan, as I once *again* find myself, alone, and personally embarrasingly, trailing a young girl...concious, *always* of what a threatening figure I can be...

I prepare my reassuring smile (despite my mood) and move, if possible, to overtake her (my reasoning (long being) that a big stomping angry looking guy in front of you must be a bit better than a big stomping angry looking guy pacing himself behind you), but as usual, I didn't get the opportunity to use it...her eyes burning into the tarmac all the way, almost certainly as aware of recent events as I...

I actually took the long route home, so as not to be on her tail...

So, what is going on in my mind...? Even people I don't even know, I would almost certainly *fight* for if needs be, but here I am, so embarrased at making the potentially vulnerable feel uncomfortable, I probably put her at greater risk by deliberately avoiding her path, just to make her feel more secure..something is going wrong here...