“What do you really want?
Did you know that every single one of your desires is an expression of your soul’s longing to experience human life as you?
It’s true.
These pure impulses get filtered through our conditioning and show up distorted at times, but follow them back to their source and nothing you desire is anything but good and possible.”

“Your enormous soul had so many choices of who it could show up as.
It chose you.”

“Hello,” Life says, “Remember me?
We started out together here
When you were just a bundle
Of innocent amazement.
Remember how you saw the world
With nothing but wonder?
We were such rowdy playmates then.
We painted on the sky with clouds
And made magic out of
Clothespins and peanut butter.
Remember, can you, how I became stained and heavy
With trouble?
Not safe now. Lots of no.
They dressed me in painful clothes
And made you wear them, too.
You don’t recognize me, do you
But I’ve never abandoned you
Or lost my wild, happy desire
To show you
Play with you
Kiss you
Hide and seek down twisty paths
And always discover more.
Want to run away with me again?
Shall we elope without ever leaving
Because that’s possible, you know.
I’ve never been anywhere but here
Waiting for you
To remember.”

―Jacob Norby

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I just want to explore. Because those who discover every inch, crevice and piece of the world are really those who who are breathing every breath to know that every cell is a part of this universe. To know the universe is to know yourself. To know yourself is to know the universe. I am remembering. I am remembering my soul’s promise for this journey. To keep exploring the depths of the deepest shadow I have and keep finding. To remember.

Four years ago, I left my life in Los Angeles and bought a one-way ticket to South America. I knew no spanish, didn’t know a soul there and had never even heard of a hostel. In five months, I volunteered in the jungle, slept in $5 a night rooms, did ayahuasca, tried guinea pig and alpaca, hiked under the stars, hitchhiked, slept on a wooden bamboo “bed,” taught a class of Peruvian children for one month, had more hangovers than I can count, got lost, kept exploring, and met so many amazing people that I still call my great friends today.

Then I came back. The universe brought me back so I could discover the loves of my life–my supportive partner, my dog and my art.

Everyday I continue to nurture these loves, these passions. They give me inspiration, happiness and roots that ground me. They give me a place to call home.

Still, my heart is a traveler’s heart. There is nothing comparable to the uncertainty, rush and curiosity of exploring a new city and a new culture! There are so many secrets waiting to be unveiled, so many paths waiting to be taken, so many treasures the universe offers to us.

I don’t think that ever goes away. But now I have both. My loves and my freedom. My yin and my yang.

I’ve found my balance.

More about Nikki Star: I am a writer, traveler, artist and believer of creating a beautiful life. I believe we all know more than we think we are capable of. We can be and create eternal beauty if we only allow ourselves to. You can join me on my journey atwww.strippedcanvas.com. Also, find me on instagram @strippedcanvas.

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Twirling, tumbling and flying, around and around, full and empty at the same time. Lately, this is my mind. I don’t know when a thought begins or when one ends. I grasp at emptiness. Sometimes it feels like paralysis.

We fill our cup, empty it, fill it back up. This over and over for eternity. I don’t want the cup anymore.

Today as I’m hunched over my table cutting, pasting and working on projects, I get a text from my partner who is lying just outside on the patio in the warming sun.

It was just what I needed to hear. Sometimes it’s much needed, no matter how many times it’s been said or known. It is needed.

I feel peaceful today. Just being. Breathing. And knowing I’m near you. Sometimes doing nothing- or not knowing what to do- is the greatest gift. There are no starts, no finishes, no prescribed paths. So enjoy that you are simply alive, with nothing to prove and, for today at least, nowhere to go. Love you- after all, that’s really what it’s all about!

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“You can get everything that you want. But who cares? That will only make you happy in your head. You wont be fulfilled. Connect to this moment. Unhook from wanting everything.

Be, connect, allow, flow, enjoy that process. That is where you meet who you truly are. When you connect to who you actually are, when you release effort, when you unhook from anticipation, fear, doubt, and just allow the unfolding of yourself, when you just start without knowing how, you expand. Expansion equals fulfillment. Fulfillment equals everything.

When you do this, accidentally, money, health, love, career all fall into place, way more than a ton of effort, but who cares? That is not the highest excitement. You were not sent here to “get as much money as possible” You were here to create, allow, flow, play. The money just comes, but it isn’t you.

If the most exciting thing you want is a physical thing, than you only have experienced mental happiness. You have things how you want them, which means you are a victim to your circumstances and you changed the circumstances. But you are still a victim.

Wait until you experience connecting to you. It turns everything else into a story. You suddenly understand something new, you run this whole damn thing. Your fears aren’t real. You discover doubts aren’t real. You see that you were identified with the story of you, but you are only now. Stay there. Nothing to do. Enjoy. Don’t distract yourself every second. Fulfillment leads to true transformation, where you become someone different than who you used to be.”

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During eons of evolution, from the simplest of living forms to the most complex, there has always been the day to day struggle to protect oneself. In our highly evolved cooperative social structures, this survival instinct has gone through evolutionary changes. Many of us no longer lack food, water, clothing or shelter; nor do we regularly face life threatening danger. As a result, the protective energies have adapted toward defending the individual psychologically, rather than physiologically. We now experience the daily need to defend our self concepts rather than our bodies. Our major fears end up being with our own inner fears, insecurities, and destructive behavior patterns and not with outside forces.