Friday, 9 December 2016

I'm grateful that I was able to provide a trusty listening ear to an old friend who had come and gone in my life many a time. Sometimes, the whom you can trust the most is the most unexpected one, albeit for a brief moment.

Wednesday, 16 November 2016

Wii: Why is dating so complicated? I wished dating can be simple like going out for dinner, movies and hanging out with a guy for two to three months before you decide if you like each other enough to want to be in a relationship. And they even ask you if they could kiss you.
BX: Yeah, babe. Those days are long gone.
Wii: Nooo! Don't tell me that.
BX: Long gone, babe.

Google Photos and I have a love-hate relationship. I love its convenience. But I hate how it has been showing ghosts of boyfriend past from 6 years and a year ago in the Photo Assistant. And it's the same guy. Aargh.

Sunday, 6 November 2016

I am ecstatic that I got to introduce Chantel to the arts today. I brought her to the Singapore Arts Museum for the biennale festivities. I hope she'll be my trusty companion to the arts in the future.

Wii: I really should spend more time practising my Spanish. Only attending two hours of lesson weekly is not enough.
Toliver: Find a Spanish boyfriend to help you practise.
Wii: Okay, I will try looking for one.
Toliver: I'm sure you won't have a problem finding one if you wanted.
Wii: That's such a lie. I wanted to be with Ryan Gosling but he ended up with that b****.

Sunday, 23 October 2016

Right: What Instagram told me I can make in a 1-minute - some beautiful potato-shell hotdog munchies.
Left: What reality told me I can make in a 3-hour cookout - some unbeautiful potato-shell hotdog munchies.

Monday, 10 October 2016

I'm grateful to have sailed through my first day back at work after a week of hospitalisation leave. I'm grateful that my new manager is a friend who has returned to Google. I'm grateful I don't have to deal so much with my bully ex-manager anymore!

Saturday, 8 October 2016

I'm grateful that I caught a Suzhou ballet performance at one of my favourite places in the world, The Esplanade. Oh, I have missed the arts so much! The simple costumes with clean lines and muted tones with appropriate accents (at times, muted is almost naked!), the graceful lean prima ballerina, the majestic painted stage backdrop and the beautiful legend of Xi Shi. It's the annual Dans Festival soon, so I'll be sure to be catching more dance performances!

Friday, 7 October 2016

I'm grateful that Ian was visiting from Dubai on business and managed to visit me during my hospital stay to say hi. I'm grateful that I had lovely ice cream pancakes today. And I'm grateful I'll be discharged tomorrow! :)

Monday, 3 October 2016

Today's gratitude post is an open letter to a man I used to love and continue to have strong feelings for, albeit different kinds of feelings now.

Dear MM,

As I was lying on the operating bed today for the same procedure which I did 5 years ago, thoughts of you came flooding uncontrollably.

For one, you broke up with me the day of my surgery 5 years ago. You were not apologetic. My heartache took a longer time to recover than my surgery wounds.

Last Summer, we got back together unexpectedly. Despite knowing that your love is like a burst of fireworks (it burns brightly but fizzles out quickly), I fell in love with you without care and consideration. I thought if we are given a second chance, we should make the most of it. I was looking forward to you making good on the the promises you made and the future we said we'll build.

As the Chinese saying goes, 计划赶不上变化 (loosely translated to The plans cannot keep up with the changes). Our paths separated with bad choices that brought upon undesirable consequences.

While I was reflecting, yet again, while my doctor prodded me, all memories came flooding back - the good, bad and ugly.

Let's go conquer the world together! And so we met in Belgium, Poland, Germany, Dominican Republic, Singapore, Italy, UK, Hong Kong, Japan and Kyrgyzstan where we laughed, ate, and danced to our hearts' delight. The good times always bring smiles in the darkest of hours.

I have always maintained that I'm afraid of pregnancy. Seeing my friends go through the experience makes me happy but scared at the same time. Instead of asking "What can I do to make you feel supported and less afraid of pregnancy?", you said, "You don't want kids and I want kids".

You slept with so many women and was even sleeping with others days before and after we go our separate ways on multiple occasions. You said, "I miss you and cannot stop thinking of you". You said, "I do not like that you are with another man". Yet, you feel like it's your prerogative to enjoy the comfort of many women since we are not in a committed relationship.

Instead of working through the issues we have, you said, "Being together is not the right thing anymore" because I don't fit into your plans.

You had 100 reasons why you loved me. A whole hundred. Yet, not a single one mattered.

While drowning in my own thoughts, there was a moment which I was holding my breath and my heartbeat dropped, causing a brief moment of alarm throughout the operating theater. "Breathe, Wynnii. Take deep breaths", my doctor said gently.

So as I was lying on the operating bed, my tears fell because of how uncomfortable the procedure was, and also, because of the cessation of my feelings for you.

I have come to accept that you won't be the generous, selfless, supportive, positive, respectful and understanding man I want to be with.

You must have your side of the story. I hope you are able to see mine through my lens, and hopefully aspire to become a better person. No, you are not a good person, and you just don't realise it yet.

So today, I am grateful that I am finally able to see you clearly for the person you are.

Sunday, 2 October 2016

To end the week, I am grateful that I went on a pleasant date today. I was supposed to just do a coffee with him but it ended up to be a 2.5 hour conversation. I am grateful I got to watch half of the Man United-Stoke City match, which sadly ended with a 1-1 score. I am grateful the week has been awesome and I am in a happy mood for my surgery tomorrow.

Everyone knows I'm a noob at Pokémon so my good friends, Fadzli and Natasha, took me on a hunt on Friday night. I ran for the first time for a Pokémon and caught four new kinds after going to Gardens by the Bay, MBS and Woodlands Waterfront. So fun! I'm super grateful for my amazing friends.

Friday, 30 September 2016

On this Friday, I am grateful for having a great time at my internal Google chat. I could have done a lot better but I gave it my best shot. I am grateful Ellie organised a Bridget Jones' movie marathon and a group of ladies caught the first and second movies at her place. We laughed non-stop and it was such a great Friday evening. I am grateful that I got to enjoy bubble tea and ice cream today. I am grateful that my good friends, Faz and Tasha, brought me on a Pokemon hunt today and I caught four new Pokemon! I cannot wait for the weekend to start! :)

Thursday, 29 September 2016

I'm grateful for being able to practise for my chat with a Googler tomorrow with tips and support from people who care. I'm grateful I managed to catch the 6pm bus despite leaving the office at 557pm. I'm grateful a friend, Benson, reached out to arrange for coffee on Saturday. I'm grateful I didn't miss MM today. I'm grateful I finished watching the first presidential debate and saw Hilary crushed Trump. I'm grateful I was able to reschedule dinner with Jacinta. I'm grateful a childhood friend, Wenxiu, reached out and wanted to catch up. I'm grateful I showed patience with the bully manager today.

Wednesday, 28 September 2016

I'm grateful to be able to catch up with Jacqueline and Kelvin over dinner and drinks today. I'm grateful I enjoyed two glasses of wiskey green tea which I have not had for a long time. I'm grateful they ordered Argentinian wine during dinner. I'm grateful they invited me over to their place dinner on Sat. I'm grateful we made plans to go clubbing on Sat. I'm grateful Saturday will be a fun day!

Tuesday, 27 September 2016

I'm grateful I met a new friend, Julian, today, and she's from Taiwan. This means I can practise my Chinese. I'm grateful I was able to grab a Uberpool ride this morning, despite the rain and heavy demand. I'm grateful I have a new buddy, Toliver, to chat with from Tokyo office. It's weird how we would be chatting throughout the day on whatsapp and I don't even like typing. He's a cool guy, except for his crocs. He knows this. I'm grateful for having red bean with my shaved ice dessert today.

Sunday, 25 September 2016

I'm grateful for a day filled with great games that made me laughed. I'm grateful for a great god brother, Shaoxiang, who invited me to his place to hang out and play games. I'm grateful for him catching a new Pokémon (Dratini) for me. I'm grateful I caught two new Pokémon today. I'm grateful I learned how to play two new boardgames. I'm grateful I came in second for a new boardgame, The Network. I'm grateful that we were only caught a little in the rain after dinner since we do not have umbrellas and will be soaking wet otherwise. I'm grateful that I got a cheap uberX pool price reduced from 22 to 8.80. I'm grateful I am smiling at the end of the day.

Saturday, 24 September 2016

Today is such a happy day. I played with my two god daughters. I had McFlurry after lunch with my god daughter. I had a chair massage at Eugina's plae. I watched Man United trashed Leicester 4-1. Yay! I had two Pokémon eggs that hatch into new Pokémon which I didn't have. I caught new Pokémon too. I had Chilean wine while watching football. I have a favorite friend of the year, though Edwin claims he my favourite friend of my life. I had such an amazing day. And it's not even the end of the weekend yet!

Wednesday, 31 August 2016

I missed you.I adore you.You're so cute!This is the 10th country we have been together.*the deep loving stares*I miss hugging and kissing you.What if I find you an English-speaking job and we hang out with English-speaking friends?I don't know what to do with you.Why are you asking me these questions?I thought we said no expectations?We do not want the same things. I can stop kissing and hugging you.We will go back to our own countries.That chapter has closed for me.

Friday, 26 August 2016

I seriously think that someone up there is playing a joke on me. Two days after the parting, I received this work email on "9 reasons to love Google Warsaw" while I'm trying to not think about Warsaw. Aargh.

Tuesday, 12 July 2016

Our Generation Has Ruined Love With These Excuses

Over the weekend, I witnessed such a sweet moment between my grandparents that made me feel all mushy on the inside. Grandma was stirring her stew, under the lit-up kitchen hood. Grandpa looked at her and said, ‘Wow, you look so beautiful under that light!’ and as always, she pretended she didn’t hear him. He called out to her once more, ‘Come and sit here with me. You’ll look even prettier if you weren’t standing there, cooking.’ The only reaction he got from her was a glare. As much as she tried to hide it, I knew damn well she was feeling all mushy on the inside as well. She had better be. Because these days, men like Grandpa are a rare breed.

After over 50 years of marriage, Grandpa still treats Grandma like how he would have if he were trying to woo her. Looking at relationships today, everyone is afraid of commitment. Everyone wants their partner to love them wholeheartedly but is afraid to give their all. No one is ever willing to put the other person first. The world has turned into a blur of one-night stands, casual hookups and 4-month long relationships. We all ‘have a thing’ with someone but nobody dares to call it what it is. Love is the very being of our human nature, yet we’re afraid to love, and we tell ourselves that we have the right to be afraid. So we make excuses to avoid getting hurt, to avoid commitment and to avoid fully giving ourselves to someone else.

‘I want to focus on my career and be successful.’

Today’s world is more materialistic than ever. Rather than being satisfied with just getting by, we want so much more than we need. We work our behinds off to climb the corporate ladder so that those around us can look up and say, ‘Wow, he/she is so successful.’ And what determines success? The car(s) you drive, the clothes you wear, that latest Bottega bag you’re carrying and the places you dine at (which you tell everyone by checking in on Facebook and posting pictures of a tiny cube of meat on an oversized plate).

What happened to the time where success was measured by the happiness of your family?

When Grandpa was thirty, he had a modest job, a decent house – nothing too large or fancy – with fruit trees in the garden, a simple sedan, a happy wife and four beautiful children. His wife spent her daytimes chatting up friends at the market and around town while the children were at school. When he returned home from work, they would all enjoy Grandma’s home-cooked dinner and then he would guide his children in their homework. Grandpa didn’t have much but he was successful.

It is amazing to have a goal and to want to work hard to achieve it. However, many of us use this as a reason to avoid taking relationships seriously because we don’t want to start a family and bear its commitments. Then it no longer is a reason but an excuse.

‘We can’t be fixed. We should break up.’

Our generation has it easy. Everything is handed to us. We don’t have to search a book for answers: we have Google; we don’t have to spin the dials on the telephone: we have touchscreens; we don’t even have to step out of home: we have delivery.

This has caused us to become so easily frustrated when we aren’t able to get what we want, so we give up and move on to the next without even putting in enough effort to try and improve the now.

This is why divorce is becoming more and more apparent. During Grandpa’s days, divorce was for when things really don’t work out – a last resort. Today, divorce is when we realize we don’t love our spouses as much as we thought we did and aren’t willing to make enough sacrifices – an easy option out.

Working towards fixing our relationships seems to be too much of an effort for our generation.

We don’t treasure our relationships enough to want to make sacrifices to keep it.

‘Getting married/having a family is too much of a burden.’

When we date someone without the intention to spend the rest of our lives with them, we never truly love them. We just want to be with them in the now, while looking around for a better person. When we intend to be with someone for life, we stop comparing them to others and we stop looking for others. Someone better may eventually come around, but what’s important is that we weren’t looking for them while with someone else. Once we start looking, we don’t have the right intentions when dating – it’s all in selfishness. And that ruins love for us.

When did having a family become a burden instead of a blessing? Now you would probably stop reading because I sound like a pro-life pastor speaking to a greying congregation. But really, think about it: is having someone to share your life with really a burden? I’m not talking about sharing food on a date or the petrol cost on a road trip. I’m talking about sharing the joy of looking at the face of a newborn that was created by you and the person you love, as well as the financial struggles of buying a house.

Maybe if we stopped looking at these as burdens and started seeing them as an honor and as something to look forward to, we might love better.

‘I need freedom and space.’

Personal space is one of the most important traits of a happy and long-lasting relationship. But was it really space you needed when you and that cute guy started texting while you and your boyfriend were on a break? Was it really freedom when you told your girlfriend you were going out ‘just for lunch’ with a girl who was clearly into you? We tend to use freedom and space as an excuse to flirt around and explore our options. My Chinese mother often uses this proverb (which sounds absurd when directly translated):Riding a cow while looking for a horse. It simply means, you make do with what you have while looking for something better. Our generation often settles for less, then leave our partner because we’re unsatisfied. Wouldn’t we have longer, better relationships if we didn’t just settle?

We have ‘a thing’ with someone just so we aren’t lonely. We get together even though we know very well that we won’t last very long. It has become acceptable to be in a relationship just because. And when we’ve found a better person, we use freedom – or the lack of – as an excuse to leave the relationship. If you can’t accept that freedom and space has to come with boundaries when you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be in one.

These acceptable reasons have become so loosely used that our generation has turned them into unacceptable excuses. Real relationships are hard to come by, and love is losing its value. Look within before jumping into something that should be more than casual. Don’t ruin love for the next person.

Wednesday, 22 June 2016

The stars say "Truth is one of the highest virtues. So why do we spend so much time avoiding it or spinning it like dubstep DJs into a warped remix? Like a spoonful of cough syrup, honesty can be brutal (and bitter) when we get our first taste. But, if we're brave enough, it can also set us free."

Thursday, 9 June 2016

My Uber just went passed Great Portland station and I saw the Tesco which I bought a sandwich from. To think it was less than 10 months ago when we walked hand in hand there. Life has a way of playing tricks. On me and you.

Monday, 9 May 2016

Left my phone in the Uber car and only realised my silliness 10 minutes after when I'm back in my hotel room. Called myself and driver picked up immediately to say he has been waiting at the hotel lobby to wait for my call. Who says there are no kind souls in Beijing?

Monday, 2 May 2016

I was in Sydney for a work training which will see me as a new manager learn to become a more effective manager. So exciting!

And some interesting conversation that I had in Australia.

Wii: Is Brown Sugar a pretentious place? It's my last dinner so I want to go to a nice place.

Mike: Wynnii, I cannot believe how you love to be pretentious and yet, had such fondness for McDonald'sWii: Dear Michael, at McDonald's, you can build your burger for 22 bucks. It's a fast food restaurant. It's a $22 burger. Of course it's pretentious.

Thursday, 14 April 2016

Today, a team member gave me feedback on how she wants me to provide more direct support and help when she asks for it. She says if she will ask for direct help and if she did, she wants me to provide exactly what she needs.

I have pleasant strange mixed feelings.

On one hand, I feel like I'm have not been a good manager and didn't provide what exactly she needed.

On the other hand, I'm proud that there is physiological safety for my team member to trust me that I won't take the feedback personally and wants me to improve on how I can help her in the future.

While watching a B-grade movie with a trapped guy trying frantically to get the last call through to his dad before he drowns under a sinking car and his phone died, Mark commented that this will never happen to Chinese people because they always have a battery pack. ‪#‎truethat‬ #shanghaifun