More stories

I’ve had a saying for a few years now. Bisexuals are like unicorns. You really want them to exist. But they just don’t. And there are a lot of people who won’t give up hope.

Last week, HBO’s original comedy series “Girls” returned. Main character Hannah’s new roommate/gay ex-boyfriend Elijah drunkenly decreed, “People are so prejudiced against bisexuals, though. It’s like, the only group of people you can still make fun of. It’s like, bisexuals and Germans.”

It’s true. It’s very difficult in our society to believe in something as free-spirited as bisexuality. For one, it’s threatening. For heterosexuals and homosexuals, we have to contend with only being attracted to half of the population. Those odds aren’t terrific. For someone who’s bisexual, the world is their genital oyster. It’s actually a very picturesque image. Men, women, who cares? I’m attracted to everyone.

Unfortunately, I find it just too good to be true. Now, I am not bisexual. And I cannot claim with 100 percent certainty that bisexuality isn’t real. I also can’t assert assurance on things like Bigfoot, John F. Kennedy’s assassination or the contention of Jesus’ divinity. But I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere in the right ballpark on those topics as well.

The real issue has to do with the male psyche and sexuality. In our American culture, it’s a mostly accepted commonality that heterosexual men enjoy the image of two women kissing, fornicating, etc. And why shouldn’t they? Women are certainly the fairer and more sensual of the sexes. Two women going at it is A-OK to me.

The same notion just doesn’t extend to heterosexual women. You’d be hard pressed to find a straight woman finding the same sexual stimulation from watching two men go at it. Is this fair? Not really. But after years of men grind stoning women’s sexuality to the fine powder it is today, why should anyone be the wiser? Two women going at it? Crack a beer and enjoy. Two men going at it? Ultimate party foul. It’s typically pretty hard to party once the gay bomb drops.

Call me a cynic, but I can’t begin to believe in bisexuality in a society where men’s sexuality isn’t nearly as fluid as women’s. Recently in Hollywood, loads of successful women have come out as bisexual. Celebrities like Evan Rachel Wood, Lady Gaga and Megan Fox have admitted to loving the ladies. It’s empowering. The same just doesn’t go for men. We still exist in a culture where the masses can’t accept a homosexual, let alone a bisexual, leaving man on the same level as a woman of any sexuality.

But the future may be bright. Frank Ocean is one example of a successful man who’s admitted to having a relationship with a man. He’s now sitting pretty atop six Grammy nominations.

Maybe we can look forward to a future where girls squeal over two men physically expressing their love in the same manner that heterosexual men love lesbian porn. But until then, the jury’s still out for me on bisexuality.