Play Ball

(UPDATE: Because of a mixup on the copydesk Friday night, this column also ran in Saturday's Morning Call. Since this post was up overnight, I'm disinclined to remove it now, but I wanted you to know I'm not making a practice of running the same thing here and in my column. Now, back to our regularly scheduled program:)

Announcer Joe Buck said, “Welcome to the World Series on Fox! The atmosphere is electric around here, despite the fact that it’s 10 p.m. and most people are in bed. Right, Tim McCarver?”

“Z-Z-Z.”

“Tim!”

“Huh? Yes. Electric.”

“These late start times are unfortunate, but we’re ready to play ball. On the hill for the Indians is C.C. Sabathia. He’s finished his warmup tosses, and the first pitch is moments away.”

“He’s a real hoss.”

“That he is. Man, he’s really rubbing up that baseball.”

“It’s a little chilly at this time of night,” McCarver said. “About 15 degrees, in fact.”

“A crisp autumn evening. That must be tough on a pitcher when his hands are cold.”

“It’s tough on me, too.”

“Sabathia is blowing on his hands. Now he picks up the rosin bag. OK, he’s dropped it. Now he’s peering in for his sign … and leadoff batter Willy Taveras steps out. He’s going for that pine tar rag.”

“It’s important to have a firm grip on that bat, Joe. Half the people in the stands are dozing, and it could be very dangerous if a bat came flying out there.”

“Well, he’s back in the box. Sabathia shakes off his sign. Looks like they’re having trouble deciding on the pitch.”

“Here comes catcher Victor Martinez out to the mound. They need to make sure they’re on the same page.”

“The rest of the infield is gathering around them. Discussing strategy, I guess. OK, looks like they’re ready to go. As soon as Taveras is done adjusting his batting gloves, we’ll be ready for baseball.”

“I was ready three hours ago.”

“Sabathia gets his sign. Any minute now, he should be rocking into his motion.”

“He can really bring it.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if this pitch is close to 100 mph, assuming he ever throws it.”

“No sense speculating about that. He should be delivering his pitch any day now.”

“Just trying to make conversation. What time is it again?”

McCarver looked at his watch. “10:15. Do you know where your children are?”

“Not watching this. Oh no, here comes manager Eric Wedge out of the dugout for a conference. I wonder what that’s about?”

“Some of these skippers overmanage a bit during the playoffs,” McCarver said. “It really slows down the action.”

“What action? Umpire Randy Marsh is removing his mask. I bet he’ll walk out and tell them to break it up.”

“Good. I’m running out of things to talk about.”

“These Rockies have really been hot, haven’t they? They’ve won 21 of their last 22 games.”

“Absolutely. And round about daybreak, they may even win this one.”

“There goes Wedge, back to the dugout. I think we’re finally ready to go.”

“Sabathia’s chomping at the bit out there.”

“Champing.”

“What?”

“Common misconception. It’s champing, not chomping. Sabathia is peering in for his sign, and … Taveras calls time.”

“Adjusting his crotch.”

“A properly adjusted crotch is more important than you think. Now he’s ready to go. Sabathia is into his windup! Ball one. There’s nothing like that first pitch to break the tension of a sizzling matchup. Right, Tim? Tim?”