The National Affairs Desk of Glorious Noise

In 1962, the Students for a Democratic Society (SDS) gathered in Eastern Michigan to draft their political manifesto. The Port Huron Statement included the phrase, "We are people of this generation, bred in at least modest comfort, housed now in universities, looking uncomfortably to the world we inherit..." It was a response to the equally thoughtful, but conservative Sharon Statement, adopted in 1960 at William F. Buckley's estate and it read, "...THAT the purpose of government is to protect those freedoms through the preservation of internal order, the provision of national defense, and the administration of justice..." Both statement were drafted by the youth of our nation who held genuine concern for the future of the country bu held opposing views on what was best.

Today, POLJUNK presents the Kutcher Statement, as written by a bunch of drunk, dopey kids on a beach.