Entries in Illness
(5)

Dear Cleo,In your letter, you want to tell your new date about your permanent but non-life-threatening STI*. You’re just leery of the timing. Many of us also have Secrets, parts of our health or history we know we’d need to tell any new partner…someday. But what day? Thanks to our survey respondents and empirical help, here are some guidelines that should stand all of us in good stead:

My fiancé and I haven’t had sex with each other, but I *masturbate every day. I’ve always felt guilt about it, and now I’m worried it will ruin my ability to please my future wife. How do I stop? Dear Albert, I’m touched by your concern for your future wife’s sexual happiness, and honored you’d let me lend a hand as you prepare for your nuptials. But perhaps instead of stopping your own masturbation, you could consider encouraging hers…

Wise Readers, Going Stealth to treat a lover’s ED (when he won’t do it himself) spawned many personal revelations and quite the discussion. What are the many —sometime surprising— causes ED? If it’s this common, should we even call it “erectile *disorder*”? And can you screw up recovery by rushing the process?
Read on!

Dear Duana, for two years, Erik’s had erectile dysfunction he won’t discuss or treat. Eric says is he’s “fine” with how things are. I think it’s closer to truth to say he’s anxious and would rather shut down sexually than be crushed by trying something that doesn’t work. Is there a way to resume sex of *some* sort with the man I love and married?! Dear Cassandra,I hear your frustration, but I’m not a sex therapist. I could claim to be—in most of the USA, *anyone* can. Ye olde local psychological association can often direct you to someone reputable, but even then, therapy involves something Erik’s avoiding: talking.
So you might have to treat Erik’s ED* under-the-radar, and here’s how: