In my head, she was to be lip synching…

* Mondays are always awful. Practically nothing happens over the weekends, so we’re left with a bunch of stale news and the prospect of previewing something that hasn’t yet happened. It’s like the entire news business is in election hangover mode. Where’s the news, y’all?

* Today I ran a story about China outlawing lip synching. And then I intended to cut to Ashlee Simpson’s total failure on SNL. But for some reason, my editor cut video of Ashlee actually singing, which sorta deflated the point. It was a joke with no punchline. Very dada.

* Another monkey wrench in today’s show: My first story involved the first noticeable snowfall of the season. Only when I got into the booth did I realize… the story had vanished! Someone pulled it from my rundown and it disappeared. Through a little detective work, I see Arch Nemesis Producer Jim ganked it. I believe he is just jealous of my beard. Beard jealousy is no excuse to steal another man’s story, Arch Nemesis Producer Jim.

* Zoraida gazed upon my continually more impressive beard and issued the following assessment…

* My beard growth is an attempt to crack the list of Top Ten Beards. Zoraida’s lack of support will not hinder me. I believe every man should grow a beard at some point in his life, if only to prove that he can. Chicago is a big facial hair town.