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Thursday, November 12, 2009

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I can't tell you how many wedding Wrecks I've seen salvaged with nothing more than a few well-placed bunches of fresh flowers.

These...are not those saves.

Believe it or not, that's a 3-tiered cake. See how effectively the gigantic seed pods hide the flaws in the top tier? They ran out for the bottom two, though, and were forced to randomly spill stuff on the table cloth to help "distract the eye." Cocoa powder or dirt? That is the question.

My wedding cake was absolutely salvaged by a few well-placed flowers. The top/second layer was perched on four unsteady columns, and the one child at my wedding bumped into the table and toppled it.

A guest swooped in, grabbed the tumbling top layer before it fell off the table. She removed the columns and stuck the top layer smack on top of the first... grabbed a bunch of flowers and stuck them everywhere the icing was impacted, and it almost looked intentional. Fantastic.

I am at a loss for words for #1. Or I was. How bad was the top layer that they completely had to cover it? Why didn't they cover the icing landslide in the back? Good luck saving the top layer in the freezer for the first anniversary--and picking leaves out of it.

#2--looks like it's bleeding. Green. Why would it be bleeding green? Do I really need to ask? It's also lopsided I think. Love the presentation though, on what looks like a crushed pizza box. How--elegant. Some of those white daisies are blending in a little too well with the icing flowers. Careful what you bite into, people!

And #3: The flowers look like they're attacking the cake. How will anyone be able to cut the cake through all that wire? And if you try to pry off the flowers--there goes the icing. Nice. Real nice.

That third cake can not possibly be a professional job! It must have been done by a mother who allowed her preschoolers to help. Oh, I know, the grandkids did it for grandma and grandpa's party, right?

You know, I wish I thought of salvaging my cake with flowers. The florist had come and gone before I saw what was wrong with my cake. She probably thought I wanted those fat dancing cherubs holding up the middle layer so they were left nice and naked and exposed. (I told the photographer not to waste too much film on the cake.) I should have been more specific when I said "no columns." I didn't know the term was "stacked." And the maitre d' was the one who took the order *faceslap* (never met the baker)

I'm pretty sure that under the flowers of the last example, there's no cake to be found at all, just a pile of wadded-up tissues. You know, like the kind your grandmother always pulls out of her sleeves? So what's the big complaint-- those flowers are actually doing everyone a big favor.

Occasionally when I am in the craving for yummy cake goodness but not in the mood to do anything fancy, I make what I call "ugly cake". It's just a French vanilla box mix with extra vanilla added, topped by a quick plop-n-spread of Alton Brown's ganache recipe (albeit with slightly darker chocolate because my hubby and I like it that way).

We celebrate the relative ugliness of this cake. I do not worry about levelling or if the upper layer forces a bit of ganache out the side to create that ripple-look. It is a cake of freedom from worry about aesthetics.

But I must say, even my ugliest ugly cake is far and away a better, smoother icing job than any of these. And I'm just a hobbyist, so it's just being eaten at home in private!

WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?! Who the hell sells a cake that looks that horrid? Okay, I'll buy the "didn't speak English clearly" excuse for the Falker Sautherhoods of the world, but come on, at least most of those scary samples looked like someone had tried to make a smooth coating.

Seriously, who are the professional dingbats who let such monstrosities out into public?

From the background in the second picture, you can tell just how fresh these flowers are-- we have here a flower pot, and some scissors for stem trimming fun!

Unfortunately, all too many of the blooms that made it in either a) have no petals left, or b) are of a color that only comes from baking flowers a while in the oven. But to be fair, it seems that she's not done, um, "arranging" yet...

Has anyone seen the new commercial for the Flip video camera? I saw it last night and nearly spit my juice out all over my poor boyfriend. It features a guy filming with his new Flip camera, and he films a picture of a gorgeous wedding cake and says something like "This is a picture of the cake we ordered," then pans over to a HIDEOUS wreck, and says "This is what we got," then pans over to his fiance who looks beyond pissed/miserable. Absolutely Wrecktastic. A must-see for all the Cake Wreck fans.

The daisies are so traumatized by their wrecky cake that they are crying kelly green tears of humiliation.

The rest...*shudder* I'm sooooo glad my wedding is done! The only thing my baker messed up was forgetting the topper. I was very willing to overlook that since the cake was on time, looked great, and tasted delicious!

Joanne, Thank you! That was my sentiment. As I look at these cakes, there are obvious mistakes but some of these are just so poorly done I have a hard time believing they are proffessional. After all, who would accept it in that condition and pay for it? I can understand damage during transport or melting frosting due to humidity but todays didn't appear to be suffering from that. Just attrocious work by people with out skills.

cake #1...I'm guessing that it's dirt from the flowerpot that they grabbed those flowers out of...check the dirt trail leading up from the hotel lobby. I'm sure there's an empty flower pot on the check in desk.

I've actually been asked to make my first wedding cake...it's nice to know if all else fails, bombard it with flowers and no one will be the wiser. Thanks for the tip! :)

At my sister's wedding 11 years ago, the Maid of Honor and I had the the most honorable duty of cutting and passing out the cake. One of the groomsmen walked by the gazebo and bumped the 1/4 sheet cake that we had set aside while we cut the other cake. It landed in the bark dust. We picked it up and brushed of the big pieces. When we finally had to cut into the sheet cake, we started telling people it was chocolate sprinkles....

I don't think anyone has yet discussed the fact that the cake board--or more appropriately, cardboard--under the 2nd "cake" has printed on it "this insert for use with 14" foil covered cake drum." Perhaps they assumed guests would be so horrified by the cake that they wouln't look long enough to notice? Or perhaps it's simply proof that this paticular wreckerator doesn't follow ANYONE'S instructions.

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What's a Wreck?

What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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