The crazy nursing in public photo I can’t even show you

There’s a battle brewing over a photo of a breastfeeding mom, but this is no selfie that simply offends some viewers’ sensibilities — it’s a pic that was taken without the mom’s permission or knowledge.

Hours after taking her two children to play at a Chick-fil-A with her moms group, Kate White was horrified to discover a photo of herself nursing in the restaurant with a snide comment was making the rounds on Facebook.

Lafayette news station KATC reports the woman who snuck the picture of Kate that went viral wrote, “Anybody want some milk? Noon time at a restaurant is not a place to do this?”

Commenters from around the country weighed in on the image, putting this mom of two quite unexpectedly in the middle of a debate.

As a matter of fact, the mother of 6-month-old Bentley (seen here in a photo she shared with us) had gone out of her way to make sure the group she was sitting with didn’t mind her son nursing.

“I asked the moms before I sat down, ‘I forgot my cover do you mind if I breastfeed?’ and the moms said no go ahead,” she explained to the local news. In an email to me she added, “I was just a modest mom who forgot her cover and had a fussy hungry baby who need to nurse and I had 2 yr old to look after. I was not there for show and tell or to make a statement.”

I’d love to show you the photo in question, but amazingly, even though Kate has a copy of the photo of herself nursing, I can’t publish it here because it belongs to the woman who snuck it. Doing so would violate her ownership of the image. Mind-boggling, isn’t it?

Kate also told me via email she reached out to the woman who posted her photo on Facebook, but was blocked from contacting her. The news got a bit farther in conversing with her, and it doesn’t appears she’s at all sorry for her actions. KATC explains:

We also reached out to the woman who posted the picture, and she told us she believes she should be able to post freely on her social media sites and is now being cyber-bullied by those who disagree.

The entire experience has been a whirlwind for Kate, who had never even considered someone might sneak a photo of her breastfeeding. “For the past week I have been emotionally struggling to cope with what is happening,” she shared with me. “My husband has been super awesome and supportive that I was right to feed my baby and not leave my 2 yr old unattended even with friends on a play date.”

Nonetheless, finding herself on the receiving end of so many negative comments has been painful. Kate says the experience has changed the way she’s willing to nurse in public to the point the she has “purposely stayed home as much as possible because I couldn’t go through this again. It’s incedibly hard on a person’s body, mind, and soul. People have called me strong, a herione, brave, courageous but honestly I’m a coward, I was just a normal mom taking care of my babies.”

Kate has consulted with an attorney regarding her state’s breastfeeding and public shaming laws, and is in the process of taking legal action against the woman who took her photo.

From what I can tell, it’s generally legal for another person can take your photo in a public place and post it online, which unnerves me. No, I don’t mind the idea of being in the background of someone’s restaurant photo, but the idea they can purposely take a photo of a woman exercising her right to breastfeed wherever her baby needs to eat just feels wrong. It’s not something that had occurred to me during my nursing days, either.

Earlier this month this same topic made headlines in Hong Kong. After a photo of a woman nursing on a bus was taken without her knowledge went viral, the South China Morning Post reported, “The Equal Opportunities Commission lashed out yesterday at ‘secret photography’ of women breastfeeding in public, condemning it as a ‘violation of an individual’s personal privacy.'”

You may also recall a breastfeeding mother in Englad had her photo posted online and was labeled a “tramp” in March. “This behaviour is dreadful,” a spokesperson for the National Childbirth Trust said. “For good reason, mothers feeding their babies are protected by law… The Equality Act, of October 2010, states that it is unlawful for mums to be discriminated against or treated unfavourably because they are breastfeeding in England, Wales or Scotland.”

Up until now though, it’s not a topic I’ve seen discussed much stateside. Perhaps it’s time?

What do you make of Kate’s experience having her photo taken and put online?

Recent posts

It’s a shame that we live in a day and age where our need to snark outweighs someone else’s privacy. I have to wonder: If she is so offended by someone nursing in public, what makes her think people want to log onto her FB page and see it? Truth? She was just looking to be judgmental and harsh. Maybe next time she’ll mind her own darn business.

Jessica

Guess I am wondering where Facebook’s modesty police are with this breastfeeding picture. Seem to recall many stories about breastfeeding pictures being deemed to violate their no-nudity policy and subsequently being removed. Kind of strange that someone could take a picture of me and post it without my permission, and in this case against my wishes, but if that same woman had posted a “selfie” nursing it would have been removed from her page. I think policies need to be reviewed to ensure things like this don’t happen, and I think the person who took and posted this picture is an awful individual. I hope she isn’t a mother herself – would take this to a whole new level of meanness.

Beth

1. I find it really really funny that the person who took and posted the picture with the clear intent to shame and humiliate someone is now complaining about cyber bullying. You have free speech, not consequence free speech. When you choose to exercise your free speech by doing something nasty and cruel, don’t cry foul when people respond negatively.

2. If you’re out in public, people get to take pictures of you. Sometimes that sucks. Sometimes that’s what protects people’s civil liberties.

3. The fact that this mom feels like she now needs to hide in her own home is precisely why I don’t consider it “common courtesy” to cover up. If the general public needs to see a naked to the waist woman breastfeeding her 10 year old every 30 seconds in order to become desensitized to breastfeeding, then that’s what needs to happen. Because so long as there are people who are irrationality squeamish about seeing GASP a nursing boob for heaven’s sake, women like Kate White are going to be shamed. And the reality is that you can only hide out for so long. Eventually many women choose to stop breastfeeding in order to stop hiding.

Dee

While it was extremely rude of the woman to take a picture and post it with a snarky comment, we do have to realize that if we do something in public, it is just that – public. Unfortunately we can’t have it both ways – breastfeeding in public is okay, but having someone see a picture of you breastfeeding in public is not okay.

I don’t think there is anything she can do except be strong enough in her opinion that there is nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public that she’s not ashamed to be seen doing it, even by a wider audience. I think the other woman’s words and actions speak for themselves and say far more about her than about the woman she photographed.

I really hope they have cyber bullying laws in her state, because I’m positive this mother is a victim. She was doing something completely legal in a restaurant that had no problem with it. But this woman took a photo of her AND her child without her consent and posted it online with the intent to harass this woman for an act she found indecent. Now it may be difficult to prosecute this because proving intent will be difficult, but at least a trial or media coverage of an arrest complete with mug shot would be enough to shame this woman and discourage others from doing this. I mean this is not the first time this has happened and I doubt it’ll be the last. I think we need to start going after people who are taking these snaps and sharing them. Otherwise it’s only going to get worse.

@Jessica, Facebook just this month revised their breastfeeding photo policy. They say that all breastfeeding photos are natural and not against their guidelines. Great timing, I’d expect nothing less from them at this stage.

B

@Dee, there is a difference between doing something in public, and having it broadcasted to an audience far larger than could even fit in a Chick Fil A. Those are two different things to me, and I can understand this mom’s distress, particularly since she is someone who would normally cover up.

As for the woman who posted the picture and is now complaining about cyber bullies… All I can say is, “Seriously?!” How ridiculous.

@Dee, I didn’t see your comment before I posted. I feel a bit as though you’re missing the point here. This is a modest woman who prefers to use a cover. The one time she finds herself without one some creep takes a photo. And it wasn’t like she took a photo and posted it online saying “Look, what a great Mum just doing what she has to do to feed her baby”. No, she tried to make it seem like she was doing something shameful and basically incite an online riot. So I think there’s the difference.

I always used a cover because my son loved it under there. I’d even been known to use it in the house when no one else was around. I had nursed in public sans cover a few times in specialty nursing wear and because it lifted up and had panels on the side you really couldn’t see anything. It was a bit of a pain to get things out of the way actually. But even fully clothed I would have had a problem with some stranger/jerk taking my and my sons photo and posting it online without my consent. Especially if the caption was talking about how I was being gross/inappropriate. People do have the right to go about their lives without having people take your photo with the express purpose of bullying you.

Jenn

On a bigger scale, this sucks but it’s a risk I guess we all take in public. Don’t do anything out there you wouldn’t want recorded by someone’s phone or a street cam or whatnot.

On a personal scale, boyhowdy I’d be PISSED if this were me.

Kate, you are a mom doing what she needs to do for her kids. Try as best you can to shuck the haters and keep on with your ways. You’re doing fantastic.

4forme

I cant believe its ok to take someones photo without them even knowing or saying its ok and put them on blast publicly. Just wrong!!!

Jenna

Every time we post anyone’s face on our Facebook page or blog or anything, even if it’s at a water park and we are taking pictures of our children and another child or adult sneaks in to the frame, you are taking pictures of someone else. What if I take a picture of my child at a water park and I accidentally take a picture of a mom next to her in her swim suit and she finds the picture unflattering? Unfortunately, I agree that you can’t be out and proud about breastfeeding in public but then find it inappropriate for someone to make it more public by posting it online. Something else I found inappropriate, as an example, is when the news does stories on say, obesity in the US and will video passers-by from their neck down or “black box” their face but use their “obese” bodies for a news story. If I saw myself in one of those stories, I would be horrified. But, there isn’t a law against it, because I am in public. This is one of those things where we want to be able to breastfeed in public, and have the right to privacy while doing it. It doesn’t work that way. Do I think it was appropriate and right for that person to shame her like that? NO WAY.

@Jenna, There’s a big difference between being in the background of someone else’s picture that’s been posted online and being the subject of said photo. If someone took a photo of me in a suit and it found it’s way online, oh well. I’m positive such photos of all of us exist. But we’re not the focus of that photo and the photo isn’t being used to mock us for our “unattractive” bodies or whatever mean thing someone else might come up with.

I, personally, think purposely taking photos of strangers is weird. I’ve had constant problems with people taking photos of my son. He’s pretty, I get it. I’m 100% positive there are photos of him online that I did not take, nor did I approve. It’s what happens when weirdos buy camera phones- and even professional cameras (yes I’ve had psychos with professional looking gear pull this crap). And I count ALL strangers that take photos of my kid without permission weirdos. I don’t care if you’re a creepy dude or clearly someones grandmother. It’s weird. And I think that weirdness of a stranger snapping a shot of this woman while breastfeeding combined with the posting of it to social media with the intent to mock incredibly invasive and borderline criminal. How could anyone see this as anything else makes no sense to me.

lacie

This is exactly why I don’t nurse in public. I don’t put myself or my baby on display in public. I’ll go into a dressing room or nurse in the privacy of my car, that’s about it. I’ve always been a private person though.
Smart phones and google glass have made it easy for voyeurs to take advantage of a vulnerable situation(nursing).

lacie

@koolchicke, Where are you hanging out that people have time to take photos of your child? I’ll be damned if that would happen to me and I get stopped often when out with my son because he’s so gorgeous(Native American & Black). I certainly don’t halt what I’m doing long enough to let folks start snapping pictures and I would ask them to stop if they did.

@lacie, I’m the Mum of a bi-racial baby as well (Caucasian & Chinese). You’d think you can just stop people but it isn’t always so easy. I have asked people to stop, and have denied requests in the past. But you can’t always stop people when they aren’t right next to you. You also really have to get comfortable with shouting at random people in theme parks and shopping malls, I’m not quite there yet. And even if you’re headed right towards someone they can (and sometimes do) leave. And the others will sometimes deny taking the photo. But at least half the people I approach are at least decent enough to both admit what they did and delete it. But I can’t take their phone or camera and start deleting images because technically I don’t own them. I wish people would just come over and talk to us, or ask where I bought my kids clothes, or whatever. I used to dress my son up at Disney, but the crowds he’s caused are so terrifying I’m going to have to stop. And that’s hard because he loves his Tigger costume.

Danny’s Momma

“she believes she should be able to post freely on her social media sites and is now being cyber-bullied by those who disagree” — Um ok, is taking someone’s picture and posting it on facebook with snarky judgemental comments not cyber bullying? I’m sorry but cry me a river. You reap what you sew, karma, and all that jazz.

She may have the “right” to take pictures and post them on facebook, but she also has the right to decide to be a decent human being. Seems to me she should have exercized that right instead.

mamabadger

So, someone explain to me how this is not bullying? Now explain it to a 14 year old…

We expect kids to act better than this, but when an adult pulls this krappe they can cry “Free Speech!” This is where kids learn this behavior. We can take a picture of anyone we want (stranger or friend) and tear it apart for any purpose we want?

Sorry, but no. She needs to be prosecuted for cyber bullying, just as any teenager would (and should) be. And how do you prove she’s cyber bullying? Why, it’s all over her “social media”. I wouldn’t be surprised if she can sue her for slander, too.

BTW- why are we calling her “the woman who took the photo”? If you put this krappe out in the universe you will be called out for it. Use her name. Let everyone know that you can’t hide behind your cyber-curtains if you’re going to be a jerk.

Roogirl

Why can’t people stay out of other people’s business?

I think I would hire someone to follow this woman around, in public, with a camera for awhile. Every bad hair day, every nose pick etc would go right up on social media. Then I would claim it was my right. Karma, karma, karma.

Momof4

The public place is not a place to take exposing pictures. This should go the route of the guy who was taking upskirt photos on the subway… Its the same dehumanizing and humiliating intent.

connie

I have 2 kids and I breastfeed my oldest and still breastfeeding my youngest and I find it easier to go out without a cover or blanket couse there’s just times where you can’t use them (in line at WalMart and she just pulls your shirt down) and I get looks all the time but I’ve learned that you’d have to do wants best for your child and don’t mind what others think. Couse there’s always going to be that group of people who think your doing everything bad. So just stay strong and live your life how you see fit.

carrine

If people would just mind their business this world would be a much better place.

Penny D

Not for nothing but how is this any different from the photo of the toddler laying down on artwork taken and posted by a stranger, or the picture of the potty training toddler whos mom sat the kid on the portable potty at the restaurant table taken and posted by a stranger? Or the one where mom/grandmother/caregiver was holding child over trashbarrel to pee at mall? All stories covered here and people where outraged by parents behavior but very few where upset by the fact it was strangers that took and posted pictures without consent.

Rebekah

So the lady who posted wasn’t cyber bullying?! It seems like she posted the pic with a malicious intent to degrade the nursing mother, why else would you “sneak” a photo of a stranger and then post in online?! Come on people, grow up! And I love CfA’s response, everyone has the right to eat!

mafalda

Mhm. Another cool thing about Europe: As long as you’re not famous, nobody is allowed to take your picture and/or post it online. This would even be a crime. Are you guys sure this is really not the case there?

Amygirl

Laws or not. I have always just gone with the notion that individuals deserve the common courtesy not to be photographed or videod by strangers. Just dont do it. And as far as the breast feeding in public… just suggesting the ones who complain about it could be so ill informed it bugs me so much. How about they consider they were children once living in communities and with people around. Were they not fed? Were they breast fed or bottle fed? It diesnt matter; someone cared enough about them to feed them so stop complaining about other peoples choices. Dont stare, dont comment, appreciate what it is (breast feeding), and go on with your life.

Nikole

Actually as soon as it hit facebook it no longer belonged to the woman who took the picture and seeing as how the breastfeeding mom never signed a release then the photo belongs to her and she can post it or allow you to share it or do whatever she feels like really.

Well, uh who cares if moms breastfeed in public. I know I don’t.
If it’s between having a baby cry in a restaurant to having to see a baby eat, oh and a boob!!! then i would rather see the boob and the baby eating. Breastfeeding is one of the most natural things in the world well aside from pooping and peeing of course. Now, I will say this if you can cover up then do so but if your in a bind like this lady was then whip it out and do your best to cover with what you have with you.

You were in the right to feed you child, the weirdo who snapped a photo is over reacting.

Katrina

I think this sounds pretty typical of cyber bullies. You have no problem intruding on this woman by taking her picture and posting it on Facebook but you block her from being able to contact you on Facebook because God forbid she has access to you. And now she has the nerve to cry about cyber bullying. Please Kate, don’t change the way you live your life because of intrusive cowards like this. Hold your head high and remember that karma always comes full circle. This woman will reap what she sows.

Ashley

Who cares what that women thinks. She decided to breastfeed her baby because it’s the most natural way. It’s why women have boobs. Boobs are only sexual because we make them that way. As for the photo on Facebook, they don’t allow photos of other people to be posted without permission. she can have them take it down and the account suspended for a period of time.

Blake

“The woman who posted the photo” is named Jennifer Long. Why is she being given anonymity when she started this whole thing? Because she’s a cyberbully now complaining about being cyberbullied? As you sow, so shall you reap, sweetheart.

mom of 3

The last time I checked women’s breasts were meant for nursing their child. They are not meant for sexual purposes. I find nothing offensive about a mother taking care of her child’s hunger regardless of what situation they are in. The child is hungry the child needs to be fed. It’s a shame that the need to be aware of other peoples preferences is more important than the benefits to the child and the mother that breastfeeding provides. People that find breastfeeding offensive for one need to grow up and two you don’t like it then leave the area. There is no need to humiliate a woman for taking care of her child and doing what is right for HER child.

Zina

Noon time at a restaurant – perhaps the woman should let her baby starve? Who is the nut attention seeker who violated a woman’s privacy to get a laugh on Facebook? Stupid jealous woman

Manuela

@mafalda: I agree. I’m from Germany and there’s a law that protects individuals in the picture. I know that that’s sometimes difficult to reinforce, especially if you’re in a public place, taking pics and other people just happen to be in it. But THIS is ridiculous!! There oughta be some kind of law that protects the nursing mom!! How does it make any sense that the person who took the picture without any permission of the person in it has more rights than the person who took the picture??
As far as the mom goes, there’s nothing to be ashamed of!! Her baby’s well being is way more important than some ignorant person’s opinion any day!!

Sarah

It’s not just breastfeeding though– we all laugh at People of Walmart and similar sites but can you imagine how it feels to end up on one of them? Unfortunately I think having a cell phone picture taken by a rude person in a public place ending up on the internet for other rude people to comment on is one of the prices of freedom. Fortunately decent people are also free to make their opinions known!

Amygirl

Honestly. There seems to be so many self ritious and ignorant adults out there, and that starts with parenting. Truely, isnt it really just the children who need to be protected from the innapropriateness of the world. As adults we already undrrstand the human form what it represents, its sexuality and so on. Children dont. They dont even connect feeding with sexuality.they dont even remember doing it, its innocent and the human race is here because of it (?) If your an adult and you have a problem with breast feeding you just need to grow up and stop acting like an ignoramus.

Niki

Well actually I feel so bad for this mom. Go mom be strong and breast feed ur child when he gets hungry! Its not these other people who have to deal with ur child when hes freaking out and hungry. It would break my heart knowing i could not feed my baby when hes hungry justs cause rude person is around me. I breastfed my daughter and im going to breastfeed my son when hes born in five months and when he gets hungry im gonna feed him i dont care were im. We go to a resturant to eat why cant the baby eat too?

Lindsay

Breastfeeding is NATURAL, dating back to the first humans created. It’s a Beautiful thing, and should NOT be shamed! Ever!
Animals do this without shaming, why is it a big deal for a human?
I REALLY hope that those who are shaming and hating on this, have a ten fold experience of judgement.

masj

As a mom who breastfed my son until he was one, anytime I was in public and needed to BF I made sure I was always covered up. I didn’t want to expose myself accidentally or make anyone uncomfortable. I prefer not to see exposure but covered up. Yes nursing is a natural thing I just don’t to see it. My opinion and I’ll probably will get some snide remarks but again its my opinion.

Jenn S.

This other woman is a pervert for turning something natural and healthy into something ugly. She should be criminally punished for assaulting another woman & encouraging others to shame her JUST for feeding her child. Get a grip lady! I certainly hope you NEVER find yourself where you put Kate & her innocent son. I am behind you Kate all the way. Bentley is lucky to have a mom like you! Good Luck!

Angelica

Hang in there, breastfeeding is beautiful and should be tolerated in public or we should push to have proper nursing spaces in all restaurants, for those a bit more shy. The ignorant woman who posted the photo SHOULD be cyber-bullied into taking it down and learn a lesson, to respect other people and open her narrow brain to the wonders of nursing.

RoseyGrosey

It’s a shame to know there are people who does not understand how important to breasfeed including having to do it in public places. If we fail to ask if it’s OK they say it is wrong. And others taking your picture while nursing is OK? If a person gets offended then have the gall to say that to the mother (in a nice way of course). It would have been better. Although for sure as a mother like myself. I would listen, perhaps apologize but will still continue to breast feed my baby 🙂 we cannot really please everybody. You will see folks “not breasfeeding” can get away with clothes scantly covering specific body parts. Yet it’s OK. This is a matter of ignorance on child’s welfare.

join

First off, the person who took the photo does not own the rights to the photo unless a waiver has been signed by the pertain in the photo…

Next you shouldn’t do something in public that you are not willing to have the world make fun of… I don’t think i would watch and would probably leave the place, but that is why there is a trend of breast pumps across the world because allot of people are uncomfortable with that being a public display, just saying

Brittany

With technology these days anyone, anywhere can take your picture. I was a breastfeeding mom and feel that you hold cover up when breastfeeding. It may offend others an especially while at a restaurant and others are trying to eat. I do not agree with the woman who posted the picture, but there are sickos out there that feel it’s alright to post pictures of other people.

Gemma

It’s upsetting to see something so natural as breast feeding your own child seen as so derogative. We don’t complain when our children go to the countryside and see farm animals milking from their mothers etc. And as for the silly woman saying she is now being bullied on line ( she posted it she can deal with it) just a pity she didn’t consider the right of Kate to feed her child in public, and if in the woman’s mind kate was being so horrid why photo it and post it. I just hope this doesn’t put Kate off continuing to breast feed. In the uk ( am in Scotland) the health service encourages breast feeding & we have laws that state we cant be discriminated against. Im not sure what your “covers” are, but we don’t use anything over here. Baby is hungry… Out the breast …latch on … Feed… Put away. Happy baby

Linda

I cannot believe this has even had to become a news story.
The woman breastfeeding her child had every right to do so and should have never been made to feel like she needs to hide in her house to do so.
The person taking her picture and posting it on Facebook is an idiot. I hope you don’t have to put up with someone like you when you have children and they are hungry while you are out in public (assuming you are smart enough to breastfeed your children).
Breastfeeding is a completely natural event. IT is not sexual in any way.
Why is it OK for people to wear very skimpy outfits showing pretty much all of their anatomy, but people are offended by a mother feeding her baby?

AidansMommy

Kate is doing nothing wrong and shame on that immature girl (I don’t care if she is 30, she’s acting like a little kid) for being a bully. I’m a new mom myself and BF has been an emotional experience for me. I love it and cherish each session with my son. I wish I was braver to do it on public but I’m still trying to get the hang of it… I’ve got a squirmy wormy!! So sometimes the cover cones off, oh well. My point is, this lady is doing a wonderful thing for her child and I’m so sad she had to go thru this. Don’t let it get you down Kate! You’re the bigger person and a woman who loves her children. Keep on breastfeeding in public! Ppl need to just calm the eff down. You’re nourishing a human being for goodness sake!

dawn

I don’t get it…some guy can go to jail for taking pics of women in skirts at the park but this “women” is allowed to take a pic of someone she don’t know and why she is feeding her child…and is allowed to post it and have it?!? Where’s the laws on this one?! I would feel so violated if I was to breastfeeding mother that had her picture slandered all over the internet

Michelle

I have to agree with Dee. If you are breast feeding in public then you have to be realistic that you are in the public eye. It was exceedingly rude and obnoxious for this woman to take/post a pic but not illegal. I can also understand Kate’s feelings of mortification at being displayed in front of a larger audience. But the fact remains that this was a public venue and, while certainly not expected or in good taste, someone can potentially witness and document others’ activities. Try to stand tall Kate. What you did was natural and there was nothing wrong with it. Yes, there are people who have a different opinion. But have conviction in your actions (because I truly believe they were the right ones) and stand with them.

Chrissy

I am really weirded out by this, why would anyone go to such lengths to humiliate someone they don’t know? I also know that of course there are strangers in the background of pictures and things like that and its kinda like whatever but when you purposely take a picture of someone just to post it online and then get mad when you get a backlash? well WTH did you think would happen??

Honestly I have pictures of my son at the park and if there are other kids in the picture and you can see their face I won’t post them on facebook. I would hope that other people would do the same. It just seems like the right thing to do.

Desiree

This story makes me want to make sure both of my breasts are exposed next time I nurse in public- that way it will probably be removed from Facebook or any other site if some sicko wants to sneak a picture of me nursing and violate my privacy! I hope she wins in court, it is not ok to take pictures of someone and target them without their knowledge or consent. I wish there didn’t have to be laws written on paper for people to recognize what behavior is acceptable and what’s completely asinine and violating.

Jo

Some people are just rude. We need to stop making breast just for sex. They make milk to feed our babies. Animals do it we have been doing it for thousands of years. Then hey lets all take pictures of people we don’t know and blast them on the internet.