All the Single Ladies: 'How do I tell my date his text messages make me feel like he's not interested?'

By Sarah Swain| 10 months ago

'After our dates he went silent'

9Honey journalist and single gal Sarah Swain knows a thing or two about dating. She's been on the apps, read the books, and interviewed the experts, which makes her uniquely able to answer your questions to do with the frustrations of single life. Got one for her? email sswain@nine.com.au

How do I tell my date his text messaging game is making me feel unwanted and constantly on edge? I don’t need my date to call or message me all the time, I value our face-to-face time more. But lately I've been so confused, and I even ended my last relationship because the emotionless and scarce text messaging was in such stark contrast to our dates, which were awesome.

We'd see each other once a week, but after our dates he went silent. He'd never reply to the few messages I'd send him and when he did, the texts were so emotionless and would come hours or days later. It was annoying and I thought he didn’t like me, so I ended it.

Now I'm dating a new person and the same thing is happening! They're fantastic face-to-face but they play games when it comes to texting. All I'm asking for is a reasonable response time, an emoji every now and then, or just for them to tell me they’re busy or not interested! What should I do?

Wasn't life much simpler when men had to pick up the actual home phone to ask us out?

And when the only texting done was one-fingered typing on a Commodore 64 computer?

It’s fantastic you're having great dates with these men. Clearly, you're a catch and a fun person to hang out with.

However, the important thing I note is that you say the first guy 'never replied to the few messages you'd send him'.

You're indicating here that you're the one initiating contact. I'm curious: are these men texting you to arrange dates?

If they're leaving this completely up to you, I'm sensing some red flags.

Because if there's one thing I've learned – usually the hard way – is that if a guy isn't getting in touch, he either hasn't figured out what he wants from a relationship, or he's not that keen on you.

Sure, he might be busy, but how long does it take to send a text to somebody you're thinking about?

While I’m a firm believer in equality and certainly despise game-playing, I'm afraid when it comes to dating, experts suggest you need to let the man do the work - at least in the early stages.

Toborrow a mantra from dating coach Sami Wunder: it's all about 'leaning back'.

That means, let the guy come to you.

Don't initiate contact, stay busy, date other people, work on your own self-worth and most of all, don't text him.

If he's interested - and I'm sure he is if your dates have been as fabulous as you say, chances are he'll realise he needs to get in touch if he wants to see you again.

Also, I'd establish early on that it’s cool for a guy to actually pick up the phone and call you.

Having proper conversation in between dates will help you build your new relationship.

You can do this by suggesting during a text chat that he call you to work out the finer details of where you’re going on your next date, perhaps?