Everything has its beauty but not everyone sees it.Confucius~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's closing time, and two drunks are getting ready to leave the bar. "God, I hate getting home at this hour. All I want to do is take my shoes off and crawl into bed, but Hailey always nags me for what seems like hours". "Sneaking's not the way to do it. Try slamming the front door, stomping upstairs, and yelling 'Hey baby, let's make luv'. When I do that, my wife always pretends she's sound asleep".~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Letter from CollegeDear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I've made lot$ of friend$ and am $tudying hard. With all my $tuff i $imply can't think of anything i need, $o if you would like you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, your $on.

Reply from Dad..

Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study hard eNOugh Love, Dad.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him you're going to file a complaint with his boss. – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Why Aren't You Married?

Here are some comback answers:

You haven't asked yet stud.

I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.

Because I just love hearing this question.

Just lucky, I guess.

It gives my mother something to live for.

My fiancée is awaiting his/her parole.

I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss/Mr. America.

Do you know how hard it is to get two tickets to Miss Saigon?

I'm waiting until I get to be your age.

It didn't seem worth a blood test.

I already have enough laundry to do, thank you.

Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.

My co-op board doesn't allow spouses.

I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund.

They just opened a great singles bar on my block.

I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.

I guess it just goes to prove that you can't trust those voodoo doll rituals.

What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?

I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.

Why aren't you thin?

Bonus reply for Single Mothers: Because having a husband and a child would be redundant.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study.

The professor told them that they could have another day to study. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were sure that they knew just about everything.

Arriving to class the next morning, each boy was told to go to two separate classrooms to take the exam. Each boy just shrugged and went to the two different parts of the building.

As each sat down, they read the first question.

"For 5 points, explain the contents of an atom."

At this point, they both thought that this was going to be a piece of cake, and answered the question with ease. Then, the test continued.

"For 95 points, tell me which tire was flat"...~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie.

I hope it's as good as the last few mornings have been here.

We've been in the mid 60s early in the mornings and staying below 90.

Any drop in the temperature makes both work, and the day more tolerable.

Today we will have our district manager, and our new store manager in the store, which has all the ASMs running around like little chickens clucking about fixing this, and changing that.

I'm starting to feel married to my job, but I'm considering a trial separation.

If my wife doesn't stop demanding so much of my time and attention, I may sue for a divorce.

I wonder if I could get the house.

Have a happy day everyone.

joe

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Good morning everyone. Gail, January and February are generally our coldest months, but the beach area is usually warmer than the central part of the state. If you come we can meet for lunch one day. Nan, if you decide to come down we can meet too. To all here and all who follow, have a Great Monday. Danish, BB Pancakes, and Cinnamon Buns in the NC.

Good morning boomies! Another day in paradise here. Not sure when I have to retreat back to the corner so I will weedwack the yard first, then run the dogs, then go to the store for bike gear cleaner and wash, tune up and re-lube the bikes. Tonight I will go to Street Vybe dance if I am still free. Lots of other little things in between that too. Hopefully, I will be able to do it all.

Good morning. Looks like a beautiful day out there today. I don't have to be at work until 5:00 this afternoon.I hope everyone is doing OK. Thanks Joe for your openers. Ana sounds like you'll have a very busy day.

Bad night's sleep for me resulted in not getting up to walk <sad> I'll take Keoki for mini walks as I can if the rain holds off. He is obviously full of energy as he grabbed a toy and went into the "Keoki spin" when I brought him downstairs this morning.

I finished the Cussler book I was reading last night. I have to say...it's the first of his books that made me say "meh." I think that is why it took me so long to finish.

I finished menu planning this morning for the week. Now off to King Arthur Flour to order gluten free stuff for daughter. Then I'll take a run at Mt. St. Laundry and I'm hoping to "find" the top of my desk later.

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"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." -Roger Caras

Good Morning everyone!! A very busy weekend here. Hubby's mum went back to ER Friday night, two weeks to the day that she went in before. Her BP is very erratic and they think it has to do with her diabetes. That is a horrible disease, I might add. She hopes to get out today. Company was wonderful and all of my cooking ahead of time paid off. BIL and wife and such nice people. So blessed am I!! They may rent our studio apt next door and if they do, it would be awesome!!! We have been actually having some of that so hoped for summer weather even to sleeping with windows open!! I love that. Tomatoes are beginning to ripen more so I should be very busy with salsa, sauce, marinara and canning soon. Hi Joe, Haroula, Gerry, venus, Connie, Gail, manxman, Leeana, Darlene, Ana, Midgie and Nan and all who come later!! I hope your day goes by without flaw and Happy Gaming!!

L4L, you posted while I was writing so Hello to you too. Hope you can get all of your chores done.

Edited by Lotus777 (08/19/1311:54 AM)

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LotusLife is like a hot bath. It feels good while you’re in it, but the longer you stay in, the more wrinkled you get.

Joe, loved the 'why aren't you married' list! My usual reply is, "I've already raised two husbands and I'm too tired to raise a third". Or alternately, "Because now I have total possession of the TV Remote control!"

Off to the thrift store BEFORE it opens today to lie in wait for the woman who was so rude on Saturday. I half expect to see her sleeping in her car since then. My ideal 'gotcha' would be to get there, find one piece of that china she so wanted enough to push me out of the way. Then I would grab it and wave it in her face and see what happens.

She doesn't look 'dangerous' so if my plan goes as scheduled, I would say, "sure you can have this, but only if I get an apology for your behavior on Saturday". It would make me very happy just to point out what she did (probably without thinking or realizing it). Dream on, it probably will be a no show for her or the china, but I'm up for a fun time and my plan of revenge makes me happy just thinking about it.