Thursday, October 11

They're crisp between my fingers, just as I'd always imagined them to be.

I remember first hearing the word "resume." My stepfather had been recently laid off, and he was spiffing up his resume for some strangely named website that he often referred to as Monster.

It was a scary time for that half of my family, even if I didn't really understand it, but we made it through. It's a simple summation, I know, but J's resume was polished and impressive, he excelled in his interviews, and he got the job he was after - soothing the family.

I don't remember how old I was then, but I was certainly too young to spare much of my attention on something like a job hunt. I wasn't particularly useful or integral in the process, and, looking back, it's probably best that I didn't try to get too involved. My efforts were better spent on a good book. Or maybe a video game. Perhaps now I can argue that I learned some sort of work-related skill from the former or the latter, hm?

Dedication and persistence?

Who knows. Maybe I really learned those qualities from chasing a certain boy in elementary school...

Regardless; it's years later and here I am, fidgeting with this stack of paper and feeling uneasy and awkward about my education and job history.

I know I'm not, but I feel old. I feel weird that this is finally happening - that I'm a sixth of the way through my senior way and that - holy shit - I need to figure out what's next because nothing is certain anymore.

It was nice, four short years ago, to think that college was some kind of easy, natural, expected path. What a comfort it was to graduate from high school and not have to be an independent adult. I didn't have to figure things out because - how convenient - housing and scheduling were a walk in the park and then - what do you know? - I was signed up for school and that was just the thing I was committed to doing for the next four long years of my life.

High school dragged on forever. College would surely be the same. And all I would have to do was worry about my grades for the eternity that was sure to follow.

Except I was wrong. And everything that anyone had ever told me about college was right. And now, naturally, I'm resigned to joining the ranks of those before me who petulantly wag their fingers at the lucky younger few who really shouldn't wish to grow up too quickly.

Because I already know that I've made that mistake myself.

I wished away my freshman year, sitting broken-hearted and lonely in my dorm room after K left for Germany and P left for India. I was down on myself. I quit my job. But I kicked ass in the classroom.

I spent sophomore year blinded and thinking I could fix a relationship that needed cauterization with band-aids. I gained close to 40lbs, suffered through my accounting courses, fell out of love, grew closer to the best friend I've ever had, then ran away to join the circus.

The fall of junior year was blissful and too fast. I don't think I've ever been happier than I was then. The winter that followed was less significant in many ways, but it was a time for me to finally understand that I could be happy "on my own," starting fresh and making new friends. I got healthier. I focused on my internship and started to really get to the meat of my marketing education.

The past three years were a roller coaster of wonderful, exciting life experiences. And now it's senior year.

That "later" that I've been fearing for so long.

And I'm walking home from FedEx with this teeny friggin' stack of resumes, all dolled up (thanks, Boss Lady!) and proclaiming my proudest accomplishments amid a laundry list of seemingly mismatched work and personal experiences for all of the recruiters to see.

And suddenly, dressed in one of my few grown-up disguises, I feel crushed and destroyed at the thought of everything that's to come. Not that I hadn't considered it before, of course, but suddenly it's real. It's right there. And it's time.

I want a career in marketing. I do. I like what I do at CiesaDesign, and I want to learn more about it. It's something I like, so I want to excel at it. That's how I work. I want to take a brand from nothing to something just to see if I can. I want to kick Google AdWords into shape and make it my... Ahem. You get the point.

But getting there. Getting that job based on a 30-second elevator speech and a piece of paper that maybe - hopefully - will be read... Well, it seems impossible. I've already been denied one screening interview, and I'm certain more denials are coming my way. I've done my best to market this blog as a hiring asset, but who knows if any of the recruiters will really find interest enough in me to take a peek.

But the reality of the situation is that 16 years of education and 5 years of work experience allot you just one sheet of 60lb paper, and a 30-second scramble to convince a recruiter to take a second look.

Except, like my peers, I'm more than a piece of paper. So here's to you, potential boss. I admit that I'm scared, but I also admit that I'm eager. And whatever stuttering and rambling I did in that 30-second window was probably a mistake, but I won't apologize for not being that super-polished, perfect 4.0 student that upper management probably told you that you wanted. Because I would argue that I'm more.

I can be crass, but I like to think that it's because I've got perspective. I'm friendly. I'm creative. I'm resilient.

I like to learn. I like to feel useful. I like to make things happen and I like the reward of seeing the results of hard work.

As you can probably guess by this long and winding post, it took a long time to find me, but I like who I am and I think you will too.

So if you're lost and confused and fidgeting with that stack of business cards that you collected at the job fair...

Find mine.

And give me a call.

As always: thank you for your time.

Soft Frosted Ginger Chunk Pumpkin Spice Cookies adapted from AllRecipes
My only complaint with these cookies is that they're difficult to transport due to being so soft. I had a hard time taking them into the office, but I admit that they were quite popular there. Anyway... If they're hard to take somewhere... That just means more for you, right?

In a medium bowl, cream together the butter and sugars until lightened, about 2 minutes, scraping down the sides of the bowl. Add egg, beat to combine, then beat in the pumpkin and vanilla. Scrape down the sides of the bowl and gently blend in the dry ingredients in two additions. Fold in the ginger.

16 comments:

I know how you feel. I'm in my senior year of uni and all this time just flew by. I'll have to come up with some kind of topic for my bachelor thesis and time is pressing on..Nevertheless, I love your cookie recipe :)

I need to get my spices out - other than carrot cake I've not made enough use of cinnamon and ginger and all things spiced and delicious this autumn. These look gorgeous, might have to add them to the list.

I remember those feelings like they were yesterday, and I just attended my 20-year college reunion. Hang in there. You'll find your way, and the employers will find you, too. And if your post-college path takes a few twists and turns, well then you'll be just like the rest of us.

I'm a sophomore in college, and trying to savor every moment. I still remember 7th grade perfectly, and I'm already dumbfounded by how quickly college is passing. Time seems to be going by at lightning speed. Good luck on your job hunt! I'm sure you'll find the perfect fit :) and as always, those cookies look phenomenal! Such a perfect fall dessert!

This post kind of sums up how I feel right now too! College has been going by so fast. I'm shy, so it took me forever to find and get close to the friends I have now, and I'm just not ready to leave them. I don't want to move and start all over. But, like you, I know what I want to do, so I might just stick close to campus for a little while.

And these cookies look amazing! I don't make cookies very often, but these make me want to!

Welcome to the world. Funny thing, I have been out of college now for 22 years, been married for those same 22 years and have 5 kids in various stages of their education and the one thing I can say is there is always going to be something that is going to challenge you, keep you up at night, rack your brain over and wring your hands about. Get that perspective and understand that the only constant is change. The better you are at handling that, the more prepared you will be for the rest of your life. If you look at things like that, it becomes a wonderful, joyous roller coaster ride that you just can't wait to get on! Your blog is wonderful and I thoroughly enjoy your recipes sprinkled with your life experiences! Good luck!!!

I can relate to almost everything you have said here. I know exactly how it feels to expect college, and our younger life to drag on, and then being woken to the sudden expectation of having a career. It is scary, but you are so accomplished, and well deserving of whatever great journey is coming down the pike for you. Embrace these feelings, because once you really get going on this whole "life" thing, you don't want to forget what got you there in the first place!

I grew up in a family business, which I spent 37+ years pursuing. Suddenly it was all taken away. Nothing I did in college prepared me for the family business, and nothing I did in the family business prepared me for being unemployed, 55 years old and without much in the way of marketable skills. If you had asked me at any time during the 55 years, I would NEVER have thought of pursuing the new career I've started, but I'm enjoying it as much as I've enjoyed the rest of my life. An architect friend of my parents once told us he now hated his job, but he was the prisoner of an 18-year-old boy who wanted to be an architect. Point being: Do marketing, or whatever, but enjoy it while it lasts and when it's over move on and enjoy whatever comes. After reading your blog, I would have thought a career as a pastry chef was in the cards. But maybe that comes later. I still want to see you on cupcake wars, or top chef desserts.

OBTW, I've got a project for you. I don't know what your experience with puff pastry is, but have you ever heard of a kouign amman. I had one from a bakery in San Francisco and I'd love to see it reproduced.