Back in around 2004, I moved to Austin when I divorced and did little more than cry a lot. I dried up the tears long enough though, to get a job.

And it was great. And the people were fun. And my boss was the bombest of all bosses of bomb-ish bosses.

And eventually, I only cried at night!

Things were looking up!

The boss spoke Spanish. Fluently.

Not to me, but on the phone and to customers who only spoke Spanish and such.

But to me? Lilly-white-southern-girl-twangy-English only.

He was cool. We really had a fantastic working relationship. Good family man, good heart, just a very sincere and genuine man.

So, one day I decided to try out my small knowledge of Spanish on him.

The phone rang so I said, “Hey, I’ll answer the el-phone-o so you can get to that el-meeting-o.”

Then came, “I’m going to pick up el-something-o for el-lunch-o, you want anything?”

And well, you get it.

He even started using my own special Spanish with me and it’s like we had our very own language that nobody else could understand but I know they did because how hard is it to translate an English word made Spanish by simply adding ‘el’ and ‘o’ to the English part?

I mean, really.

But.

There was this onnnnne day….

He saved my butt on something I jacked up and didn’t get mad or flustered or even ask to discuss it with me. He just kept on keeping on.

But I felt bad about it, and I went in his office and said, “I am so sorry…I really jacked that up. It will not happen again.”

He just smiled his big, giant smile and said, “Please. We all jack things up from time to time. It’s all good, don’t worry one bit about it.”

I still felt bad. This day couldn’t get any worse.

And as I turned and walked out of his office and entered the main office where all the other people working were, I said…OUT LOUD…

“Dan, you are one el-cool-o dude!”

And I could hear gasps. And I could hear silence. And I could hear my ass puckering. Cause something apparently wasn’t right.

I turned and looked back in his office….in slow, slow motion….and he has his head down in his hands. He looks up at me shaking his head and says, “You have no clue what you just said, do you?”

(Apparently, this day just got worse.)

(And it must be pretty obvious when an idiot is being an idiot.)

I went beet red. My face was so on fire it was this close to blowing off my neck.

(This close = Small smidgen)

I immediately prayed to die and at that point didn’t care what I said because apparently it was something that shouldn’t have been said but yet I said it and it was out in the universe and I couldn’t suck it back down my Dorito chute to save my soul now.

Here’s a hint:

Yeah.

Me and my special Spanish.

“You just called me an ass.”

The blood drained from my about-to-blow-off-my-neck face and I could feel my eyes burning.

One of the guys yelled out from his office, “Somebody’s been needing to do it!”

And the boss started laughing and could barely breathe and the rest of the office just bellowed out screaming and pointing and thank-the-good-Lord-of-all-jackassy-things-I’ve-done in this little lifetime, this went over well.

Oh this is one of my favorite stories ever! Mainly because now I am picturing you like Karen on Will and Grace because she always said “el” and “o” around everything when she tried to speak to Rosario. And because I didn’t know the word for ass either… and am glad you felt that one out for me. My Spanish is about as good as yours. I took French.. but upon actually having to use it in France, learned that I do NOT speak French. I do not even fake French.. I might as well just ad “le” before everything like Pepe Le Pew for all I actually know.Jennifer recently posted..Christmas Day

hahahaha Those are more words than I know, but I do know cerveza and cheso and pollo because CHEESE, Chicken and Beer are essentials!
Your boss sounds like a riot!Joy Christi recently posted..I Just Want To Know If I Killed Her