'Let's Be Cops': A Live Blog Review

‘Let’s Be Cops,’ a new movie about two grown men -- played by Jake Johnson and Damon Wayans Jr. -- who pretend to be police officers, did not screen early for critics. On a rainy Tuesday night, I paid $14 for a ticket for ‘Let’s Be Cops’ at my local movie theater, to watch the film amongst around 30 other people who thought this would be a satisfactory night of entertainment. While watching I kept a running diary of my experience. Watching ‘Let’s Be Cops’ is a miserable experience. Anyway, here’s how that all went…

10:00 p.m.: I am holding out a scant piece of hope that this might be funny.

10:04 p.m.: The first trailer is for the Seth Rogen/James Franco movie ‘The Interview.’ No one laughed.

10:07 p.m.: The second trailer is for ‘Dumb & Dumber To.’ No one laughed. One person said “Ewww.”

10:18 p.m.: The man in front of me is playing a game on his smart phone.

10:19 p.m.: ‘Let’s Be Cops’ starts with the Backstreet Boys’ ‘I Want It That Way,’ leading into Jake Johnson performing the song at karaoke. I wish the whole movie were about this.

10:21 p.m.: ‘Let’s Be Cops’ is trying to prove to us that L.A. is a bad place because Jake Johnson’s character, Ryan, couldn’t start his car and everyone on the sidewalk laughed at him.

10:21 p.m.: His car started and he collided with an SUV of Russian mobsters. Ah, it’s going to be one of those kind of movies.

10:22 p.m.: I bet we see these Russian mobsters again.

10:25 p.m.: Damon Wayans Jr.’s character, Justin, works for a video game company. He is pitching a game about police officers and to do this he has full police uniforms. I see where this is going.

10:27 p.m.: Ryan and Justin are already pretending to be cops.

10:28 p.m.: The man in front of me is still playing his video game.

10:32 p.m.: The Russian mobsters are back.

10:33 p.m.: The man in front of me is still playing his game.

10:34 p.m.: I should say something.

10:34 p.m.: I hate confrontation.

10:35 p.m.: He just put his game away. I think he beat it. I find myself strangely happy for him.

11:58 p.m.: I’ll always cherish that one time that I laughed during ‘Let’s Be Cops.’

11:58 p.m. I hope that man in front of me playing a video game set a high score tonight. I hope he never forgets this night. I hope, someday – maybe a day just like today, only many years from now – he remembers, “That was the night I saw ‘Let’s Be Cops.’” For humanity’s sake, someone has to remember.

Mike Ryan has written for The Huffington Post, Wired, Vanity Fair and GQ. He is the senior editor of ScreenCrush. You can contact him directly on Twitter.