Jugs

I’d like to see more jugs. No, I’m not talking about women’s hooters…uh…breasts, but I refer to earthenware storage units. You know, jugs.

Jugs were once a mainstay of civilization. Even before Jesus was a puppy, people were schlepping around all sorts of commodities in jugs. Jugs of wine were real popular, as were jugs of grain, dates, water, hummus, Cocoa Puffs and animal renderings. Jugs were the backbone of ancient commerce.

And, jugs were easy to make, too. A little water and dirt and viola–a jug. Jug-making guilds sprang up all over the Middle East, providing thousands of people with an honest day’s labor. There are even inscriptions on pyramid walls featuring jugs. Jug craftsmen were hailed as great artists. Ernie of Mesopotamia was the first recipient of the coveted “Juggie Award” in 12 BC. He set a standard that jugsters aspire to today.

But there lies the rub. There are not many jug tradespeople left to carry on the craft. Why? No one wants jugs anymore. Sure, maybe a few maple-syrup factories order a few, but by and large, jug packaging has become a thing of the past. Now, we are deluged with plastic and cardboard containers that have no style, no panache, and no soul.

With a jug, all you have to do is take off the top and pour the contents out. Not anymore, have you ever tried to open a CD package? Of course, people might say, “Well, now we have metal canisters, they’re much better.” Of course, that’s bullshit. OK, maybe metal canisters are better if you are storing nuclear material, but metal is a harsh, industrial metal fit only to enfold waste products. Jugs, on the other hand, are earthy, vibrant and beautiful. When metal dies, it rusts. When jugs die the eulogy might read “dust to dust, water to mud.”

Jugs are environmentally sound, and their production can provide even the most simple-minded person with gainful employment. Jugs rock! It’s time to bring back jugs. Write your government officials..