Saturday, 9 April 2011

The Ember

Its been almost six months since i last posted. A human body is 60% water and the water in your body gets replaced every 6 months. So as i write to you, more than half of me is someone different. The rest has been so changed. Im nothing now to what i was then.

I cant remember the last time i took a photo that clasped my heart and made me run red. Everyday i touch images. Everyone elses. Little glimpses into other peoples happiness. Holidays, birthdays, couples, family members, pets, new places, old favorite places. None mine. At the moment i feel impotent, powerless and caged. I live like a vagrant moving from one borrowed bed to another. Depending on others kindness. A splinter of past greatness that gently glows. I lost my humbleness and i dared to congratulate myself too much. I forgot what it was like to fail.

Things are different now. Im hungry and lean with a bag full of day dream thoughts holding clenched fists, steam powered pumping, ratchet clinking relentless. My back against the mat holding on and i know the universe is testing me. So pummel my hopes, hammer my spirit and chastise my heart like a creative cuckold. Because if im still able to stand when you pause to get breath, thats when this wonder bomb fragments. I wont be an ember anymore. Prepare to squint.