Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Little Bighorn

Games 75 & 76 - Red SoxIndians 7, Red Sox 0Indians 5, Red Sox 3 (in progress)Let me get this out of the way quickly, in hopes of keeping the Sox in tonight's game:

The Red Sox suck, and I don't think they have any real chance of doing much of anything this season if they continue to suck at their present levels of suckitude. Generic complaint about pitching. Generic rant about underperforming hitter. Generic disgruntlement with Mark Bellhorn.

There, now that we've got that settled, we can move on. Uncanny, just un...freaking...canny the power I hold to influence the Sox' fortunes one way by merely mentioning that I think they're tacking in the opposite direction. "Dominant," I called them in my last post. "It's almost unfair," I added. Hence the text that started this entry.

In addition to my work here, I also:

Worked on Howard Dean's presidential campaign. I was the guy that convinced him a contrived yelp of emotion would energize voters across the country.

Convinced IBM execs that they should focus on hardware - no way anyone would need an operating system built by a nebbishy Harvard dropout.

Served briefly as David Caruso's agent, until right after Jade. Also, it was me who told Craig Kilborn that The Daily Show really didn't have any legs.

Authorized the Jeff Bagwell for Larry Andersen deal.

Greenlighted both Gigli and Battlefield Earth.

(Shhhh. While I'm typing this, well, let's just say things are happening. The Sox still suck.)

Told Eddie and Alex that, sure, Gary Cherone was a good fit.

Sold lots of real estate in the D.C. area in the mid-90s and invested the profits in AOL/Time Warner stock.

Now that you know the whole, sordid story, you'll understand if I can't be trusted to know my head from my backside. Read my blatherings at your own peril, gentle fan.

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Misery Loves Company

First two, and now four avid baseball fans torture themselves by closely observing their favorite major league squads. Follow along as the Red Sox, Yankees, Mets and Phillies inflict pain and suffering on a daily basis, soothed only by great beer and rock 'n' roll. (The pain and suffering has been doled out in largely disproportionate measure since 2004.)