" You learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a lifetime of conversation." Plato

How you go about conflict is the key to success…

Hi guys, wellcome back after nearly 6 month I am back in my english blog with the new topic of conflict managment and conflict resolution. Conflict is drama, and how people deal with conflict shows you the kind of people they are – says Stephen Moyer
So let’s find out what kind of strategy we can use in order to avoid or to resolve the conflict situation.What is so special with the conflict management? Why people are afraid of the conflict? And of course how to resolve? A week ago here in Bulgaria there was a Training Course “Face the Conflict”. Participants from Spain, Italy, Latvia, Bulgaria, Romania and Lithuania gathered together in Bankia, Bulgaria in order to discuss different methods for conflict resolution and management.So basically I have to start my explanation about the conflict resolution:). In general conflict is a daily reality for everyone. Whether at home or at work, an individual’s needs and values inevitably come into conflict with the needs and values of others. Some conflicts are relatively minor, easily handled, and simply overlooked. However, other conflicts are of greater magnitude and require a strategy for successful resolution.The ability to resolve conflict successfully probably is one of the most important social skills an individual can possess. Yet, there are few formal opportunities in our society to learn conflict-resolution skills. Conflict- resolution skills can be learned; and like other skills, they consist of a number of subskills, each separate and yet interdependent. Conflict-resolution skills need to be integrated at both cognitive and behavioral levels (i.e., Do I understand how conflict can be resolved? Can I resolve specific conflicts?).We develop our own preferred approaches for dealing with conflict when we are children. Even if our preferred approaches do not resolve conflicts successfully, we continue to use them because we lack awareness of alternatives.Conflict-resolution strategies can be classified into three categories: avoidance, defusion, and confrontation. The accompanying figure illustrates that avoidance is at one extreme and confrontation is at the other extreme of a continuum.Avoidance:Some people attempt to avoid certain types of conflict situations or avoid conflict situations altogether. These people tend to repress emotional reactions, look the other way, or withdraw from a situation entirely. For example, one may resign from a job, leave school, or become divorced. The person either cannot face the situation effectively or does not have the skills to resolve the conflict situation effectively.Defusion: Essentially is a delaying tactic. Defusion strategies attempt to cool off and to tone down down the situation, at least temporarily, or to keep the issues so uncler that attempts at confrontation are unlikely resolving minor points while avoiding or delaying discussion of major issues, postponing confrontation until a more favorble time and avoiding clarification of the prominen issues underlying the conflict all are examples of the prominent issues.Underlying the conflict all are examples of defusion tactics as with avoidance strategies, defusion tactics often work when delay is possible. However such topics typically result in feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety about the future concerns… about oneself and decreased self-esteem.Confrontation: The third major conflict- resolution strategy involves confrontation conflicting issues or persons. Confrontation can be subdivided into power and negotiation strategies.So th Power Strategies include the use of physical force ( a punch in the nose 🙂 ), bribery ( money and favors) and punisment ( with holding love, money). Power tactics often are very effecrive from the point of view of the “WINNER” or “SUCCESSFUL” party in the conflict. Unfortunately, the real conflict may have only just begun. Fot the “loser”, “Getting even, hostilty, anxiety, and actual physical damage frequently are the residual effects of win – lose power tactics.Negotiation strategies: Unlike power confrontations, present opportunities for both sides to win. The objective of negotiation is to reslove the conflict with a compromise solution that is mutually satiseying to all parties involved in the conflict of the three cinflict – resolution strategies. Negotiation seems to provide the most positive and the least negative effect.Negotiation Skills
Successful negotiation requires skills that must be learned and practiced. These skills include:1. the ability to diagnose the nature of the conflict;2. effectiveness in initiating confrontation;3. the ability to listen and willingness to hear another’s point of view; and4. the ability to make use of problem solving processes in bringing about a consensus decision.Critical diagnostic skill is an ability to determine whether a conflict is a real (tangible) or a value conflict. If the conflict is a conflict in values resulting in nontangible effects on either party, then it is best tolerated. However, if tangible effect exists, then the tangible elements can be resolved. Initiation :The second conflict-resolution skill is effectiveness in initiating confrontation. Confrontation does not mean attacking or demeaning the opposing party. Attack almost always elicits a defensive reaction that blocks a quick resolution of differences. A more effective way of confronting is for one party to state the tangible effects that the conflict has on him or her. For instance, “I have a problem. Due to your policies on hiring women as executives, I am unable to apply for the supervisory position that I feel I am qualified to handle.” Stating tangible effects is more effective than saying, “You male chauvinist pig; you’re discriminating against me!” In other words, confrontation is not synonymous with verbal attack.Listening: After confrontation has been initiated, the confrontor must be willing and able to listen to the confrontee’s point of view. If the confrontee’s initial response is not what the confrontor had expected to hear, defensive reactions within the confrontor can follow. Argument-provoking replies should be avoided at all costs. The confrontor should not attempt to “defend” himself or herself, explain a particular position, or make demands and threats. Instead, the confrontor must be able to engage in a skill termed reflective or active listening.
In reflective listening, the confrontor listens, reflects back, and clarifies the confrontee’s position. When the confrontor has interpreted the conflicting position to the satisfaction of the confrontee, then the confrontor should again present his or her own point of view, being careful to concentrate on tangible outcomes and avoid value-laden statements. Usually, when people listen to one another, defenses are lowered and both parties become more receptive to other points of view. When both parties are skilled in reflective listening, the likelihood of successful negotiation is greatly enhanced.Problem-Solving:The final skill necessary for successful negotiation is the use of problem-solving processes to negotiate a consensus decision. The steps in this process are simply stated and easy to apply. They are:1.Clarifying the problem, identifying tangible issues, and determining where each party stands on the issue.2. Generating and evaluating possible solutions. Realistically, generating and evaluating alternative solutions should be done in two steps. First, all possible solutions should be surfaced in a brainstorming session, and, second, each proposed alternative should be evaluated.3.Deciding together which is the best solution. The one solution most acceptable to both parties should be chosen. This is a consensus—not a voting—process.4.Planning the implementation of the solution. How and when will the solution be carried out?5.Planning for an evaluation of the solution after a specified period of time. The last step is essential because the first solution chosen is not always the best or most workable. If the first solution has flaws, the problem-solving process should be begun again at step 1.
Because negotiation is the most effective of all conflict-resolution strategies, the skills necessary to achieve meaningful negotiation are extremely important in facing

Every conflict we face in life is rich with positive and negative potential. It can be a source of inspiration, enlightenment, learning, transformation, and growth–or rage, fear, shame, entrapment, and resistance. The choice is not up to our opponents, but to us, and our willingness to face and work through them. – Kenneth Cloke and Joan Goldsmit