Vitosal Plays – The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past (Episode 2)

Vitosal made an insane decision to play Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past. Thanks to Ocarina Of Time Nerd, Vitosal has safely landed in the magical top down world of Hyrule where an evil wizard who’s name cannot be pronounced is threatening to break seven seals and release all sorts of evil into the world. After receiving a detailed mental text message, a princess named Zelda instructed Vitosal to break her out of the castle dungeon that she was trapped in. Acquiring a sword, shield and his super secret family attack (holding down the attack button for a charge hit), Vitosal successfully infiltrated the castle, defeated numerous enemies, saved the princess and made it to a friendly Wizard who instructed him to find the elder in order to obtain The Master Sword…today, that adventure continues…

…The friendly wizard and the princess just stare at me with these blank, pixelated eyes and when trying to converse a little more they just repeat themselves. Award winning personalities these two. I leave the safety of Sanctuary, which I now see as I make my way out the doors, is a church. I leave the church and once my 2d face has reached the warm artificial sunlight, oh wait, it’s sunny now, God, how long was I rescuing Zelda for? No more rain, but I imagine the petrichor smell all around me. MMMM, Rain.

I check my map and see that the friendly wizard has marked down the location of the elder that I seek. There it is, a star flashing on my surprisingly futuristic map. I put the map away and trek forward. I need to go west. As I make my way to Kakariko Village a few exploding soldiers try to ambush me. I make short work of them and pick up their hearts as they explode. I see wondrous things as I make my way through, one of them, a small lake which seems to have a whirlpool in it. I can’t wait to see what’s in there. More guards attack me, some of them get lucky and land a few strikes. I win the battle but this alarm keeps going off indicating that I only have one heart left. Apparently, I have three hearts in my chest. That explains why I keep collecting them but then where am I keeping these hearts? Surely my blood soaked pockets must be leaving some trail of evidence, even pixelated evidence would be fine. What a strange world.

I enter Kakariko village and decide to visit the first house I see. Upon entry I am greeted by what I can only describe as Orco from the Masters of The Universe. Orco tells me he can see my future and asks If I’d like to know how my journey ends for a cheap price. Ha! Even in this magical, top down, 2d graphics world we have charlatans. But this is a magical world, what if Orco speaks some merit of truth. This is Hyrule and not earth after all. I decide to award my curiosity. I ask him to tell it. Orco raises his hands and then puts them down again over and over and then speaks, “Hocus Pocus! You will find the elder Sahasrahla.. (Sahasrahla can only be related to M. Night shymaldlaldla) and then takes twenty of my violently earned coins. Mother…fucker. I should have known better. Even in a virtual world I get conned out of my money.

I leave the con artist formerly known as Orco and head south into the heart of the village. Checking my map again I quickly find the elders house. Outside his house is a familiar brown board. On it a notification and warrant for my arrest. I am a wanted elf, pixie or what ever three hearted creature I am. My imaginary street cred goes up. Oh, if only Ezio could see me now. I enter the house and a very old lady stares at me from the other side of the room, through lined eyes. I ask her about the elder and to my dismay she explains the he has been missing since the Evil Wizard who’s name cannot be pronounced had been kidnapping other girls. She proceeds to give me a lecture in which I already have started to drool but I do know that I have to ask around town to try and find this elder.

The plot thickens, Now I have to really search for this elusive elder. Why is he so important? How did he go missing? Why do the guards explode? I just hope I can find him before it’s to late….