Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group

Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...

God, who knew dying could be so difficult?

I have a complete mess on my hands re: my estate planning which I started soon after I found out i was sick. I had a will done, and at the time name my BIL my financial executor (he is an attorney) and my sister in charge of my healthcare. Now, without giving you the novel, our family is not close. It really is only me, my sister (who is 12 years older) and my mom. As for mom, I KNOW she is undiagnosed BiPolar, but I have learned to tolerate it. My sister and I have never had a really great relationship, and it has severely declined in the past 5 years.

The more I thought about it, and our kind dislike of one another, coupled with the fact that although they live 20 minutes away, they have not seen my minor daughter in three years, I made the decision to revoke my decision to have them be my executors/daughters guardians. I let them know this week, and of course got the usual nasty email from my sister telling me what a piece of ((&&$@! I am. My mother also flipped out and is now threatening me; saying if I do not name them my daughters guardians she will sue for custody (at my eventual death) and then give my daughter to my sister. Wonderful family huh?

My oldest daughter would like to be named guardian, however I do not care for her husband, and, I think she is too young to take on such a big responsibility (she is in her early 20's). Now, I have asked several good friends (couples) who are very active in my daughters lives, but asked them to take the time to really consider it. The sad thing is, they are great people, and would do anything to ensure my daughter saw my family if anything happened to me.

The last twister here, is my daughters father is around, pays child support rarely, and has seen/had contact with her about 5 times in 10 years. Here in Cali, you cannot get a parent to voluntarily relinquish their rights, even if they are willing (which he would be). So, I am in fear he would somehow end up with her and all my money.

I am working on changing my will, completed an Advanced Directive naming my two friends as my healthcare advocates, and have now realized I must A) complete a living trust B) Hire an independent trust manager as I really do not want this kind of drama anymore. It is just amazing that here I am sick trying to avoid stress, and this has me so stressed out about my daughter's welfare. Sorry so long, it is just crazy to deal with all of this, and it is your own family. Now I am worried they may try to get custody by using my illness saying "I am not thinking rationally". What a mess..

Heather- I do understand what you are going through. The saving grace for me is that my son is an adult (although not capable of living on his own). I have no family except him (thank god) but do have my chosen family who are willing to take on the burden of caring for him and administrating my estate.

I'm so sorry that you are having such a tough time with this. I sincerely doubt the part-time dad has what it takes to be there for your child.

Heather, Kudos to you about thinking ahead to secure the best possible future for your child in the case of your incapacity or death.I understand the family thing, as I don't talk to my Mom and rarely to my brother. Although you are making prudent decisions about your future &quot;in case&quot; something happens, most likely it won't. Setting up a living trust is not big ordeal, and stating where and to whom your estate goes can be as explicit and detailed as you want. Lynne would know best in those matters as she is an attorney.Life is full of stress at every turn so it is important that you prioritze what you allow to upset you. You are fortunate to have good friends to offer to help you. I have always felt my good friends are my &quot;real&quot; family beause they actually care. I digress, and just want to wish you luck. Try not to stress so much over these decisions. I know they are very important, but remember they can always be changed down the road. Instead of stressing, turn this around and realize how fortunate and blessed you are to have an estate to leave your kids; as well as good friends willing to help care for you! good luck, marcia

Hi Heather it is so good that you have and are getting your business staraight.. very smart. My boys are big the youngest 19yrs. and I am getting my papers in order too as my husband passed away 6 months ago. It is never too early to start getting papers in order especially since things can happen at anytime.Good luck to you. Christine

Ugh. Oh my, that is a lot. Sorry. You know, I think these things come to us so we don't get bored living here. Try to see the challenge, and remember You are still in charge. Good luck. I think you'll be very happy once it's all sorted out.

I agree with Bistro. You are still in charge. Try to keep focused on that and know that you are being so responsible in making arangements for the welfare of your child(ren) so when &quot;that day&quot; arrives, they won't have to second guess your wishes or fight with family.

I'm not sure how the laws work there, but I do know it is worth the money now to make sure all of your affairs are in order.

Today is my 25th birthday, to my somewhat lack of surprise I can see already no one really seems to care. I've always been the kinda person to make sure that everyone I Care about feels appreciated and knew somebody had their back. I can count 4 times this year when I Went out of my way to make sure a "friend" felt good on their birthday, especially if they got left hanging. Its early in the...

So my daughter, who will be 30 in a few months, says she thinks she has varicose veins, as she can't figure out what else it could be. Only in one leg, and is so bad it is hard to sleep at night. She is in excellent shape, really exercises a lot, and eats well... not at all overweight. Anyone else have any issues with this? I did find that it can go with PKD. She was reading that there are...

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