Can Cleveland break through the Team Irrelevant tag?

Friday

Around the NFL: Weekly column includes Browns, New England, Kansas City, Mike Ditka, among others.

One day a year, at the end of the draft, the final selection -- Alabama’s
Ramzee Robinson won the honor April 29 -- is Mr. Irrelevant.

All year almost every year lately, the Cleveland Browns have been Team
Irrelevant.

They’re an official NFL member, but with records of 2-14, 3-13, 7-9, 9-7,
5-11, 4-12, 6-10 and 4-12, who cares?

Never is there a shortage of talk about one hex or another dogging Cleveland
pro sports.

No World Series for the Indians since 1948? Fired Manager Bobby Bragan
applied a curse.

The Cavs? Nice 2007 run, but still no NBA titles in 38 years? The curse of
Ted Stepien.

Browns? Bolted without ever tasting a Super Bowl; now a worst-case expansion
team.

Maybe what they need is a blessing. Maybe the one involving five-time Pro
Bowl defensive lineman Bob Gain will do the trick. His marriage was blessed
recently at Cleveland Browns Stadium, on his 55th anniversary.

The Browns desperately need to get remarried to their past. For Gain, it is
no yellowed photograph; it’s between his ears in high-def. The images and
the blood are real. As in:

“There were a few dirty players then,” Gain says, “and everybody knew who
they were. Officials weren’t all over the field. There was a referee, a head
linesman and one guy in the backfield.”

Dirty tricks?

“If the official wasn’t looking,” Gain said, “it happened.”

Dirty Browns?

“We played by the rules,” he said, “but if your approach was, 'I will change
the rules for my benefit,’ our response was, 'We will change the rules for
our benefit.’ ”

The Browns absorbed some infamous shots. Future Hall of Famers Len Ford and
Otto Graham got their faces smashed. One time, retaliating to a dirty trick,
Gain accidentally broke a teammate’s nose. He said he was sorry.

No apologies necessary from the Browns for the era in which Gain played.
From the time he joined them in 1951 to the time he left them in 1964, their
records were 11-1, 8-4, 11-1, 9-3, 9-2-1, 5-7, 9-2-1, 9-3, 7-5, 8-3-1,
8-5-1, 7-6-1, 10-4 and 10-3-1. They were in the NFL title game six times.
They won championships that equated to Super Bowls three times.

It was a mistake to mess with those Browns. Lately, mostly, they have been a
mess.

Gain still loves them like a son. He’s the type of personality who would
take his wife to the football stadium for their 55th anniversary.

Bob and Kitty Gain were married in Kentucky, on June 16, 1952. The presiding
judge charged $2.

Their renewal of vows this June 16 at Cleveland Browns Stadium was
officiated by Judge Dick Ambrose, a Browns linebacker from 1975-83. Ambrose
didn’t charge anything, but, Gain says, “I had to feed the (so-and-so).”

Some Browns from the relevant era witnessed the ceremony. Dante Lavelli
caught passes in 10 straight seasons ending with league championship games.
Jim Houston helped the 1964 team shut out the Colts in the championship
game. Don Cockroft kicked in two NFL title games.

The ceremony unfolded at midfield. They went from the field to a nice place
in the stadium. It was a lucky day. The Oak Room has a piano. One of the
guests is a piano player.

Gain is an ornery romantic. About promising Kitty “from here to eternity”
...

“If I go first,” he told her, “I’ll be up there hiding from you.”

“No cloud,” she replied, “is big enough to hide you.”

It has been forever since the Browns were really good. Fans are way hungrier
than a judge at a 55th anniversary bash.

You could tell from the way they packed a Canton Browns Backers dinner at
the Hall of Fame -- Gain was there.

You could tell from the way they over-ran the Hall on Wednesday for a meet and greet with
Browns rookies. Nobody guessed the crowd would get way too big to
manage. Autograph hounds swarmed over players. The Steelers can only dream
of pressuring Brady Quinn the way some of these people did.

Cars stuffed the lots and spilled to so many makeshift parking spots you’d
have thought there was a game in Fawcett Stadium. One woman pushed a baby
stroller at the edge of a narrow lane with cars bunched up dangerously.

Inside, people who had paid to get in and had bought little helmets wanting
autographs got angry when they couldn’t even get close to Quinn.

People jostled around wondering if such and such who looked like a football
player was so and so -- although with huge first-round pick Joe Thomas, you
could tell.

People got mad while standing in a crowd while the schmoe up front asked if
Quinn could make out the third autograph, “To my good friend Uncle Larry.”

Amid the glitches and frustrations of a borderline unruly crowd came another
thought.

What? People care about the Browns again?

SAME OLD SONG

Once again, an agent is singing the blues about a contract signed with no
guns to anyone’s head. Larry Johnson’s agent told the Kansas City Star it
is “not good business” for the running back to play for $1.7 million in 2007
after rushing for more than 1,700 yards in each of the last two seasons.

No doubt, the man was a beast in his breakout season of 2005, averaging 5.2
yards a carry and scoring 21 touchdowns. His follow-up season wasn’t as good
-- his per-carry average plunged almost a yard -- but it was still very good.

And, it’s fair for Johnson to worry that his heavy workload and punishing
style could lead to erosion that make teams wary when his contract expires,
and he can hope for free agency riches. Johnson will turn 28 in November.

A contract is a contract, but perhaps there is a fair compromise. The Chiefs
can ask for a refund of the salary he drew as a rookie in 2003, when he gave
them next to nothing. Then, they can refund that on the spot and say,
“Here’s an extra million dollars to help you shut up and play.”

ODDLY ENOUGH

Offseason moves hurt Indianapolis and helped New England, at least in the
view of one wagering service. BetUS.com puts longer odds against winning
Super Bowl XLII on the defending champion Colts (7-to-1) than it does on the
Patriots (3-to-1).

Other teams with relatively short odds include the Chargers (6-to-1), Ravens
(15-to-1) and Bears (15-to-1).

The Browns are gaining a little steam. Odds against them winning the Super
Bowl are 70 to 1. That’s not far off a few 60-to-1 teams (Chiefs, Bucs,
Rams, Titans) and more optimistic than odds against the Bills and Vikings
(80-to-1), Texans (100-to-1) and Raiders (150-to-1).

DRIVING 55

It’s no surprise to see a great linebacker wearing No. 55. Junior Seau has
worn it well. Ditto Willie McGinest.

Heads turned, however, when the face of the Bears, Brian Urlacher, turned up
in No. 55 for the final practice before summer break. Urlacher has worked on
Hall of Fame credentials while wearing No. 54.

The Bears got to the Super Bowl with No. 55 on the back of Lance Briggs.
Briggs is still a Bear, albeit one who skipped voluntary activities and
threatens a holdout if he doesn’t start getting paid like a key member of an
elite defense.

Urlacher did a fly pattern away from reporters wondering what he meant by
donning No. 55. Head Coach Lovie Smith played dumb, saying, “Did (Urlacher)
have on No. 55?”

It remains to be seen whether Briggs, who lasted until Round 3 of the 2003
draft, is a superstar or the product of a clever system arranged by a former
Tulsa linebacker named Lovie.

HANGING AROUND

When Keenan McCardell was drafted in a round that no longer exists and
suffered a knee injury that wrecked his would-be rookie year, it seemed he
would never make it in the NFL. Now it seems he will never leave.

McCardell, who will turn 38 before the next Super Bowl, was being courted by
multiple teams, including the Redskins and Texans, at week’s end.

The Houston native was one of Bill Belichick’s early finds. He gave the 1995
Browns 709 receiving yards. He was a 10th-year pro when he had a career-high
1,207 yards with the Jaguars. McCardell originally came out of UNLV, where
rookie Browns cornerback Eric Wright played in 2006.

MICROPHONE MIKE

It will be interesting to see if Mike Ditka uses a Monday Night Football
platform to press his attack on Gene Upshaw, director of the players union.
Ditka is the most visible among the numerous older ex-players who think
Upshaw has done an awful job with retirement issues.

Ditka will do game analysis foe ESPN in the second game of ESPN’s
opening-week Monday Night Football doubleheader. The former Bears player and
coach has a chance for is biggest audience yet on the retirement topic.
According to Sports Illustrated, more people are likely to watch Ditka’s
game than watched the NBA finals games between the Spurs and Cavs.