The scamps over at the New York Post's Page Six got ahold of a copy of Julius Erving's autobiography today, and immediately dredged up an unsavory bit of tid. Seems that Dr. J conceived one of his kids, the tennis pro Alexandra Stevenson, because her mother, Samantha Stevenson, took on a set of bear-trap early-'80s braces. This prevented her and the Philadelphia 76ers star from engaging in their preferred form of congress, fellatio. So with head off the menu, they did the silliest thing possible, considering the myriad alternatives nature gave us for sexual tomfoolery, including various positions, orifices, lotions, prophylactics, vibrators, pornography, oils, whips, crevices, straps, massage techniques, costumes, harnesses, creams, harnesses, smut-talk, candles, nerve endings, soaps, swings, chains, lubes, toys, mirrors, soft plastics, beads, leashes, whipped creams, spare digits, feathers, etc., etc., ad nauseam. They straight-on boinked, breeder-style, in the only form of sex that can and does babymake.

Here's how Page Six reported Erving's recollection of the goddamn miracle of life:

Erving tells how he met Samantha Stevenson — whom he describes on the page as “a smart single woman — a pretty white girl, a bit of a hippie giving off a vibe of availability” — in 1978 when she was covering the Philadelphia 76ers for Sport magazine.

“She becomes someone who helps me unwind if I’m feeling high-strung or stressed. I can drive over and spend a relaxing evening that might even include oral sex,” Erving writes. “I can only remember one time that we actually had intercourse, and that was because she had just gotten this new orthodontia to straighten her teeth. With wire and gleaming metal bristling in her mouth, oral sex was not an option.”