Dear Matilda Mae

22:14
Pippa Ainsworth
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Dear Matilda Mae

I can't believe a year has passed since we got the most unexpected news. News that took the breath from my body. Forcing me to sit. That brought tears, and grief. For a baby I had never met but one that I felt that I knew. A beautiful blog baby whose life was shared with the world by her amazing Mummy.

I knew you before you were born Matilda Mae. You were your parent's miracle baby and I discovered your Mummy's blog as you became Matilda, I still remember reading the post in which your Mummy announced that your name would be Matilda Mae. Her writing, her anticipation and excitement for your arrival were shared with the world. When I stepped away from the blogging community then found my way back, your story was one I was keen to see and I was delighted by the photos your Mummy posted of her brown-eyed girl. We all embarked on the friendly Graco Evo competition and it was an opportunity for me to really chat with your Mummy, yes, much of it was about red changing bags and footmuffs but, again, I felt like I got to know you even more.

Then, that night. A year ago. The impossible news that that you were gone. An ache in so many hearts for your loss. There's been so much I have wanted to say to your Mummy since that moment, so many tweets and messages deleted as I can't find the words. I want you to know that your Mummy has taken my breath away this year Matilda Mae, she is an inspiration to me and to so many others. Even in the face of your unimaginable loss she has fought and worked to make your life important, not just to everyone who knew you even a small amount, but to the wider world and, hopefully, to the mummies and daddies who may never know your name but will benefit from your legacy - through Bliss and the Lullaby Trust. She is a phenomenon, a force of nature. I wish she didn't have to be.

Baby Tilda, we've seen you in every star, every bubble and every rainbow this year. We've splashed in the rain on your Welly Walk and supported bloggers leaping from a plane, screaming your name. Your name has moved mountains this year baby girl.

I've just been outside and the stars are shining so brightly for you tonight. I often turn to music to express my feelings when I can't find the words. There's a song which often makes me think of you and your beautiful family and I've heard two versions of it today, I think you might have sent them.

Sleep well beautiful star of the sea. You are truly loved and dearly missed