Is Accepting Your Body As-Is Considered Giving Up?

I see this line of thinking quite often. People want to accept their bodies but are afraid that means they’re giving up on their weight loss goals.

They see the situation as either/or – either accept yourself, or want to lose weight. But you can’t have both – or so they think.

It’s hard to grasp how it’s possible to both accept yourself unconditionally as you are right now, and to still have goals to lose weight and change your physique.

So let me explain…

What Does It Mean to Accept Yourself?

Accepting yourself means to place value on your self in its current state. You have value as a human being, and it doesn’t matter how much fat is on your body.

Fat does not define you. It does not devalue you. It does not make you any better or worse than anyone else.

It is just fat – extra calories your body is storing for when you need it. That is all.

Once you get to a place where you can accept that, you can start accepting yourself. If you think “once I lose weight I’ll be satisfied and I’ll accept myself,” you’re going to be very disappointed.

You are always going to find something wrong with you. It might be cellulite now that’s causing pain, but in the future it will be a pinch of fat on your abs that’s causing you grief.

If you don’t accept yourself now you will always be struggling. The struggle doesn’t end just because you lose weight.

Ending that struggle starts right now.

Your Mindset Approach Affects the Outcome

Once you’re at peace with who you are you can start approaching your goals from a completely different place. A place of love and acceptance instead of hate and punishment.

The results will be very different.

When you approach your transformation from a place of acceptance you make eating and exercise decisions based on what feels good to you. You become present in the moment and witness the immediate gratification you receive from eating whole foods and moving your body.

You become process oriented. You feed off the positive energy your actions are creating. You create a self-reinforcing motivation cycle that lasts for life.

This is how lifestyle changes are born. The result is weight loss.

But when you approach your weight loss goals from a place of unhappiness and disapproval, your eating and exercise choices take on a punishment undertone. You’re beating yourself up.

When this happens you are no longer present in the moment. You become outcome focused. Everything you do is for the purpose of losing weight so you can be happy.

But it never happens.

You never stay motivated long enough to see the fruits of your labor. You subsist on willpower for a few weeks and then trail off into the abyss.

The cycle starts over in a few months once you hate yourself enough to take action again.

Perspective Matters

Two people can experience the same situation but have two very different outcomes from it.

Focus on the experience. Make it a positive one.

Find one of the many things you love about yourself instead of focusing on the few things you hate. They are there if you’re willing to look.

Place value on you. You are worthy as you are right now.

No one can take that away from you if you don’t let them.

But it starts with you. How do you expect others to accept you for who you are if you don’t accept yourself first?

Start making an effort right now to see yourself in a different light. Shed your physical body for a moment and start placing value on your self.

Once you do that you will find peace. Then you will naturally start making nutrition and exercise decisions that lift you up.

You will experience transformation. And the side effect will be weight loss.

20 Comments

Tony Schober

Hey Everyone,

Just wanted to let you know that if you need more help losing weight you can download my ebook The 10 Forgotten Rules of Weight Loss absolutely free.

I focus a lot on body image with my own clients as it’s usually the biggest pain point for them. Getting over that hump really sets things in motion. You have a great way of explaining things. I plan to “borrow” your thoughts. lol

I’ve dropped 172 lbs so far. Still see the fat guy in my head and in the mirror. Don’t think I’ll ever be skinny enough. Then I get depressed and go bingy for 20-25 lbs. and prove myself right. then I have to fight to get back to where I was before Family and friends think I look so good “skinny” (I weigh 178 at the moment) that it seems like they want me on a perma-cut. I just want to maintain and maybe have an 80/20 diet. It’s crazy-making.

Thanks for sharing your experience Jeff. First off, congrats on the weight loss. 172lbs is quite the loss.

It’s definitely hard to change your body image. It’s a process that starts with noticing the positives of your self. Once you’re at peace with who you are you won’t be negatively affected by short term weight gain.

As you’ve seen, that negative body image leads to negative side effects like bingeing. It’s a nasty cycle.

At last things make sense, I have battled for years ( I am 63 and battled with this since I was 19). Finally I can see what I need to do, it is never too late and I can’t thank you enough for posting this.

Oh, wow – this is EXACLTY how I think! Just recently, I was looking at older pictures of myself 5 lbs lighter and thinking how great I look. Then, I remembered how that wasn’t really even good enough for me back then. Endless cycle. I will keep this article to re-read; thanks!

Good to see you again, Heidi. You’re right, it’s an endless cycle. Your body and mind are two different things in this case. You have to change your perception of your self in order to be happy. Weight loss won’t do that for you.

Your articles are always so great!! It’s kind of funny because I really didn’t think I was struggling with excepting myself as I am right now. And then I got home and saw some pictures of me from my recent vacation that had come in the mail. Let me tell you I was less than thrilled with what I saw. I thought I looked better. The thing is is I have made a lot of progress and it made me realize how circumstantial my happiness can be. That kind of attitude is what sends me to the pantry! But no, no, I’m not doing that anymore. Because this is the LAST time I want to have to lose weight. So, I’ve got some work to do!!

You e-mails always seem to find me at just the right time with just the right content. The day before I read this I had given up and accepted the fact that I don’t love myself. And the worst part is I was ok with that. WTH? right! I just just going to square my shoulders and work harder. But your right, extra fat does not define the love I have for my family, the loyalty and thoughtfulness that I have for my friends. I don’t know how to not categorize not being able to loose weight as a failure after 6 years of trying , but I trying to separate “failure” from self value. Thank you for your emails and support!

Hey Kristi, accepting that you don’t love yourself is just your body’s way of rationalizing the situation. It was an emotional decision instead of a rational one. You can see that now that you’ve stepped back from the moment.

Losing weight is not about doing or not doing. It’s a process. It’s about progress. And the simple fact that you’re mindful of what’s going on is a breakthrough. And breakthroughs = progress.

Keep pushing forward and keep making that progress. The transformation sneaks up on you.

Tony,
No doubt this week’s message is coming from someone who has felt this way. There’s no other way you could be so spot on. I agree with you 100%. Acceptance of one’s self is probably the hardest lesson in life. Thanks for reminding us of this and for pushing us to really see the big picture.

Very true, Michelle. Everything I write about comes from personal experience. That’s why it’s relatable to others. All I’m doing is sharing my own past breakthroughs in an effort to speed up other people’s progress so they can avoid years of pain.