Uncertain lovers on season three of VH1's 'Tough Love Couples' will find insults, not answers

Steven Ward (seated) doesn’t hold back when he tells his couples who’s messing up on the VH1 series 'Tough Love Couples.' (Neumann/VH1)

The primal human desire to be on television must be amazingly strong to make people voluntarily appear on a show like "Tough Love Couples."

The premise, for those who missed seasons one and two and are just tuning in Monday night for the start of three, sounds simple: The mother-son counseling team of Steven and JoAnn Ward takes six couples who are uncertain of their relationships and analyzes them in blunt terms designed to force an either/or decision: move forward or toss it into the Dumpster and start over.

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The title, especially the "tough" part, isn't marketing hype. Steven, who does most of the talking, gathers the couples, tries to get a sense of their problems, then rips into whomever he thinks is screwing up.

This leads to "challenges" designed to measure how they "really" feel - but not until Steven has told them what he thinks.

This may involve referring to one woman as a "crack ho" because she's addicted to counterproductive behavior. Another woman is "a b-," which upsets both her and her boyfriend.

This inspires the couples, including the women, to respond with way more four-letter words than you'll hear in the average VH1 show.

And yes, the guys get called a few names, too - including some that viewers might be inclined to use themselves.

Mario, a former bar bouncer who proudly recounts his party-life past, says he loves Christina. But he takes way too long to answer when Ward asks if he will give up other women forever.

It doesn't take Stephen Hawking to see a red flag the size of Colorado here. But we'll apparently have Mario for all eight weeks of this series, even with almost zero indication that anything short of a lobotomy would change his outlook.

One couple has been dating since high school, almost 10 years, and they seem to be afraid their relationship has become more like brother and sister. Exactly how they think the Wards can rekindle that spark isn't clear.

That couple is, however, a good microcosm of the whole show. The couples themselves, give or take Mario, seem legit. They're actual people with actual problems. They want to work them out, but don't know how.

Fine. That they're seeking professional help is fine, too.

What's harder to figure is why they want to sit in a room with five other couples and a TV crew to have a camera-loving "matchmaker" call them names.

When did this kind of therapy move from a private process to spectator sport? What motivates a couple to say "We've got sex issues, so let's try to get on TV and talk about them there"?