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Sexy Corte and I are thinking about getting a new mattress, so I’ve been doing some internet research. Obviously we want to get a good night’s sleep, but since 90% of our sex is done in bed we want to make sure that a new mattress will meet that need too. Since mattress stores are apparently fronts for mafia money-laundering, we’re likely to buy something online sight-unseen, which makes up-front research especially important. The best website I’ve found so far is Sleep Like The Dead, and they’ve even got a page that rates mattresses for sex suitability!

(You can visit the site for a description of all the rated qualities and details about each mattress type.)

This chart was a great starting point, but I immediately realized that we don’t care about “fluid, stain cleanup” or “allows fast climax”, because both factors can be easily mitigated by a mattress protector — which we use on all the beds in our house. “Allows discretion” isn’t important to us because our sex room is very private anyway. “Durable” is somewhat important, but I’m not sure I understand the ratings here — we’ve had an inner spring mattress for a long time, and haven’t experienced any durability problems. In order to take these preferences into account, I created a spreadsheet that adjusts the ratings based on custom weights for each quality. (The “weighting factor” on the right ranges from 0 to 2, with higher values indicating a greater importance to us.)

The penultimate row shows the average raw rating for each mattress type without the weighting factor, and the final row includes the weighting factor. As you can see, the Latex and Hybrid mattress types are the highest-rated both with and without our personal weighting factor. Digging a little deeper:

Our Sensuelle Wireless Bullet vibrator finally bit the dust a few days ago after almost a year of thrice-weekly use. You may remember that we originally bought this vibrator for Sexy Corte to wear in public with my finger on the button, and it was great for that purpose! However, the vibrator was so good that it became our go-to toy almost every time Sexy Corte wanted an orgasm. (We don’t use affiliate links or anything like that, but you can easily find the product on Amazon or many other websites.)

The most common way we used the bullet was with SC on top and the bullet wedged between us, up against her clitoris. Sexy Corte doesn’t have orgasms from penetration alone (75% of women don’t) and the vibrator has been a fantastic tool for bringing her to climax while I’m inside her. We had previously used an egg vibrator for the same purpose, but the wire kept getting pulled and tangled when we moved — even pulling off once, breaking the ($10) vibrator and the mood! It’s much easier to put the wireless vibrator in position and then do our thing without distraction. I’m able to use the remote to change settings whenever desired, and then put it out of the way when we’re ready to climax.

The bullet we bought has ten different vibration patterns, but for the most part we never used anything but the simple low, medium, and high settings. The other seven patterns were fun to play with in public to tease SC, but they weren’t effective for actually bringing her to orgasm. Extra patterns are a feature that’s cheap for manufacturers to add to a product so you’ll probably see them on every wireless vibrator, but I wouldn’t pick a vibrator based on their presence or absence.

Is it strong enough? This is the most common question asked by shoppers and reviewers. Vibration strength is an advantage that wired vibrators have over wireless (because of larger batteries or being plugged into the wall) and it’s a property that’s very hard to quantify. Every vibrator is different, and every woman is different. This wireless bullet is weaker than the wired egg we were used to, and at first Sexy Corte was concerned that the highest power setting wouldn’t be enough for her. However, she did reach orgasm the first time we used it and every time since. It seems that a woman can adapt to a lower level of stimulation over time, even if it doesn’t meet her expectations at first.

How long do the batteries last? We always put the vibrator on the charger between uses, and it always had plenty of power and duration for our encounters. The only times we ran the battery out were when we used it in public, and in those cases we got about 40 minutes of continuous vibration time (spread out over the whole date). It would be fantastic if the batteries lasted longer, but 40 minutes is pretty respectable.

Durability: I estimate that we got about 150 orgasms from the vibrator over the course of a year — maybe 3500 minutes of use. That’s a very rough estimate, of course, but it’s in the ballpark. At a price of $30 for the vibrator, that’s only $0.20 per orgasm. The vibrator worked perfectly until it failed — the power suddenly dropped while we were using it, and then it kicked on and off randomly when we shook the device. (A wire probably came loose inside, but fixing it myself would be more trouble than it was worth.)

Final thoughts: Even if you have other toys, you should get a wireless bullet vibrator. They’re super fun, and they enable very intimate face-to-face orgasms. The Sensuelle Wireless Bullet is a solid product, and we ordered another one immediately. Just writing about it makes me eager to use the new one in public on our next date night!

(We don’t make any money from this site, and have never received any free products to review from anyone.)

Do you use a wireless or wired vibrator? In public? In private? Share your experiences in the comments.

If you spend the night with family while vacationing then you may have encountered a frustrating situation: doors with no locks! It’s hard to have sexy time if you’re worried that your kids or family will burst in on you at any moment, but c’mon, you can’t skip sex just because you’re traveling! Fortunately for all of us, there are several kinds of portable locks that can be easily mounted onto any inward-opening door. The best one I’ve found is the Addalock (pictured above).

Discrete: No one on the other side of the door can tell you’re using one.

Portable: Weighs less than a pound and fits easily into a suitcase.

Effective: The door cannot be opened with the lock installed — short of breaking it down with an ax.

In our bondage for beginners post we first mentioned the under-the-mattress restraint system and we got a few questions about it, so here’s some more information about why it’s great and how to use it. The banner photo doesn’t show how it’s installed, so here’s a diagram:

There are a few key features that will make such a system one of your most-used sex toys.

Easy to install. You have to lift your mattress and then shuffle the straps into place, but it’s once-and-done. After it’s installed, that’s pretty much it. Unlike many other restraints, you don’t need a headboard or bed posts.

Concealed. When you’re not using it, the cuffs can be tucked under the mattress and the system is invisible. You can show off your room to visitors or let your kids play without worrying that they’ll notice anything unusual.

Convenient. The system doesn’t need to be set up every time you play, and you don’t have to plan ahead. If the urge strikes you while you’re in the middle of the action, just reach under the mattress and grab a cuff.

Adaptable. The diagram shows the straps wrapping over the top and bottom edge of the mattress, but the system works equally well if you pull the straps over the sides. It just depends how you want to stretch and restrain your spouse: more length-wise or more spread-eagle.

Adjustable. The lengths of the straps can be easily adjusted to enable a variety of positions. Most systems come with removable cuffs as well.

Effective. It does exactly what you’d expect: holds wrists and ankles in place. If you want to hold knees open, make sure your cuffs are big enough.

So what positions you use the straps for? Here are a few ideas.

Spread-eagle is the most obvious position, either face-up or face-down. If the husband is restrained face-up the wife can easily have her way with him; if the wife is restrained, face-up is awesome for foreplay and teasing, and face-down is easier for sex.

Arms above head. For face-to-face sex with the wife restrained, it’s convenient to set her ankles free after foreplay but keep her arms above her head. This let’s her legs and hips get into a good position while still restricting her movement.

Arms out, legs up. The straps are easy to reposition, so with the wife in a face-up position you can pull her arms out straight and then lift her legs up. This position is always amazing for deep penetration, and adding the restraints puts the husband in complete control.

Doggy style. Almost the reverse of the position above. Put the wife on her knees and then pull her arms down between her legs and put her face on the mattress. Cuff her ankles and wrists. You can criss-cross the straps to hold her legs together — attach the left wrist to the right strap and the right wrist to the left strap.

Pillow under the hips. Pillows can be put under the restrained spouse’s hips, whether it’s the husband or wife, face-up or face-down. The pillow can can be used to improve access, penetration, and enable angles that are hard to do when laying flat.

I learned something very interesting while listening to a podcast on Delight Your Marriage titled “Understanding the Female Orgasm with Dr. Jessica McCleese”. Oxytocin, which is a chemical your body releases to form bonding during sex, is released at different points for men and women. It is released during foreplay for women, and during orgasm for men. Dr. McCleese makes two very good points in regard to this:

1. This can explain why women often don’t feel a need to orgasm every time they have sex. I know this is very true for me. While orgasm is amazing, there is a good percentage of the time that I am fulfilled without needing to climax. My body still needs that release regularly, but at least I now know when that release doesn’t happen I am still getting enough of that feel-good chemical.

2. It’s interesting that God created us this way, so that we help each other out. I think she says that beautifully. God designed us to fit together so well, even in the details that we can’t see.

The whole podcast is worth listening to when you get the time, but here are some other points I think are good advice:

She says that sex, when compared to the total amount of time spent with your spouse, is a relatively small amount of the relationship. However, she describes it as sort of a barometer for the relationship. If things are good in the bedroom, it’s a lot easier to talk about other issues. I totally agree. El Fury and I have great communication, and our sexual intimacy makes me comfortable with initiating any conversation with him. I also think that good communication can feed right back into having better sex.

Another point Dr. McCleese makes that I have been pondering is how our spouse’s actions are confirmed by our beliefs about our spouse. One action can be taken two completely different ways depending on the attitude you are filtering your spouse through. For example, if you think they are manipulating you, you will interpret something far different than if you think they love you and have your best intentions in mind. This is a great concept. If your attitude towards your spouse isn’t positive, pray for God to give you eyes to see them differently.

Dr. McCleese talks about her own marriage and how they fight for their marriage. She gives an example about not talking about marital problems with anyone else until you talk with your spouse. Great advice, and a great way to guard your marriage. I would go further in saying if you do talk about a marital problem with someone, be very careful about who. Make sure it is a person that won’t try to poison your mind against your spouse.

The last thing I want to share about Dr. McCleese’s interview is to encourage your spouse! In the bedroom, outside the bedroom. Your spouse needs to be told how important they are to you, what they do that you appreciate, how blessed you are to be with them, and definitely what they do to turn you on!

As I’ve perused the marriage blogosphere it’s clear that the female orgasm is one of the most prominent themes: ever-elusive; mysterious; husbands desperate to please their wives; distraught wives who just can’t seem to get there; frequent frustration. It’s easy for husbands to have orgasms, but it’s very common for wives to have a harder time achieving sexual satisfaction. To that end, I want to recommend “Satisfaction”.

The book is about “the art of the female orgasm”, and there’s a solid focus on the loving relationship between the couple. Aside from the expected advice to communicate and develop intimacy with your spouse, the book reads almost like an instruction manual for the female body — and that’s exactly the approach I was looking for when I bought it. I found the book to be extremely educational. It’s laser-focused on its single target: “helping a man fully satisfy a woman” — without toys. The philosophy of the book is that “every man can be an artist” when it comes to the female orgasm. It’s not that toys aren’t fun or handy, but the book intends to teach the reader how to please a woman with his own body.

Topics covered include:

Basic anatomy, the clitoris, the g-spot

Oral stimulation

Using your fingers

Anal stimulation

Vagina-to-mouth

Multiple orgasms

A few simple medical issues (including premature ejaculation and the use of Viagra)

Various communication topics

Hygiene

The book has no photographs in it whatsoever, but there are abundant diagrams and drawings that depict the referenced acts and body parts. The drawings are clinical in nature, but if you have a strong desire to avoid any depictions of nudity then this book is not for you. The diagrams are all helpful rather than titillating, and are essential for explaining some of the more esoteric movements and positions. If only for the diagrams, this book is better than searching the internet for information. Any internet searches are bound to lead you to pornography.

It’s also worth pointing out that the book is not written from a Christian/marriage perspective, but that won’t hinder your application of its techniques.

“Satisfaction” probably has something to teach everyone, and with the caveats above I strongly recommend it to anyone who loves female orgasms. Specifically, the book might be an excellent gift for newlyweds. Brides receive a plethora of gifts at their bridal showers, but “Satisfaction” might be the perfect gift for the groom who wants to please his new wife and has remained chaste until his wedding.

What resources have you used to learn about sex? Have you read any good books?

Sexy Corte was digging through the toy drawer last night and found some KY Warming Liquid that she put on my night stand. We hadn’t used it for a couple of years, and the brisk fall weather this afternoon encouraged us to give it another shot. I applied it to her ladybits during foreplay and rubbed her good while she used her mouth on me, and a great time was had by all. However, the warming liquid was underwhelming.

First off, does it “warm”? Well, it warmed my hand up a little, but Sexy Corte said that she couldn’t really feel any warming on her… surprising, right? Her lips should be more sensitive than my fingers. Even after penetration it didn’t seem to do anything for her warmth-wise.

Second, it’s pretty thin as a lubricant. While I was fingering her the warming liquid was certainly better than nothing, but it wasn’t as slick as a water-based lube and I had to apply more several times. It’s not like we needed a heavy duty lube, but because of the larger quantity it was messier than lube and less effective.

Sexy Corte and I recently purchased a We-Vibe II. SC has an easier time climaxing with a vibrator, and we thought that the We-Vibe would give us some positional options that our trusty egg vibrator doesn’t allow.

The way you use the We-Vibe is pretty simple: the narrow arm (on the bottom in the picture above) is inserted into the vagina and the larger arm nestles over the clitoris. The U-shape is springy enough to hold it in place, and the device is completely sealed so you can lube the whole thing up. The battery is sealed inside and charges by induction from the included charger. This means that it takes 16+ hours to charge fully, but there’s no port on the outside that could get gummed up or let liquid inside.

We were pretty excited to try the We-Vibe II when it arrived, but we had to wait a day while it charged. Bummer! The next evening we were especially horny and we leaped into bed. The device itself is easy to apply to the woman — just slip it in and position the outer arm in the right place. Unfortunately we ran into two problems that ruined the experience for us.

First and foremost, the vibration just didn’t do it for Sexy Corte. It was pretty weak and she said that it didn’t hit the right spot. We moved it around and played with it extensively, but even when I used my hands to manipulate the vibrator she said that it just wasn’t going to get her to orgasm.

Second, it was uncomfortable for me during penetration. We used a lot of lube, but the vibrator itself rubbed me the wrong way while entering and thrusting. It felt pretty much like you’d expect: like rubbing the slippery tube of a magic marker across my erection. Distracting and unsexy.

So despite really wanting to like it, neither of us got much pleasure from the We-Vibe II. We’re going to stick with our egg vibrator.

I just read the book Kiss Me Like You Mean It: Solomon’s Crazy In Love How-To Manual by Dr. David Clarke. In it he asks a question about “the source of passion in marriage?” The answer is God! God created marriage and even created sex. He wants us to have passion in our marriages! Clarke gives four “passion principles” for spouses to keep God at the center of their marriage.

Come to Christ – Knowing Jesus is the most important thing a person can do. You need Christ as your foundation in order to be able to share him as a couple.

Share Your Personal Spiritual Growth – Talk about what God is doing in your life. Ask each other what you are learning, how you are growing. Read scripture and discuss it. Your spouse should be your best accountability partner.

Pray Together – And not just at meal times. Hold hands and pray out loud. Pray for each other. El Fury always asks me before we go to bed how he can pray for me. It’s such a blessing to know that I always have someone praying for me.

Read the Bible Together – Reading Scripture and discussing it together is an amazing experience. I learn a lot from El Fury. And when we don’t know the answer to something, it’s fun to look it up together.

To have a spiritual bond is incredibly intimate. This is how God designed marriage. Closeness with Him leads to closeness with each other, which means more passion! Passion is what fuels the fire of great sex and great intimacy.

I think Clarke’s Passion Principles are really refreshing compared to a lot of marriage books I have read. Rather than relying on methodology on how to communicate better, resolve conflict, etc. he cuts to the core of your relationship. More Christ. God desires to be intimate with you and your marriage.

El Fury and I started reading “Sheet Music”. The book starts out describing a married couple that used to have sexual difficulty. The problem was that the wife wanted more sexual variety, and her husband was mis-reading her signals. After the husband went to counseling, a light came on, and now they have a fantastic sex life. However, they spent the first 15 years of their marriage not enjoying mediocre sex!

Communicate! It is startling that many people aren’t able to communicate about sex with their spouse. You are already naked, vulnerable, making strange noises, in awkward positions. This is not the time to be shy! If at one point during that 15 years the wife would have said “ooo, that feels good” or “why don’t we try it this way?” Or perhaps the husband could have asked “how does this feel?” or “where do you want me to touch you?” Something so simple could have made that 15 years sexually awesome!

Be bold! The more you communicate, the more comfortable it is to talk about. Being explicit with each other can be a big turn on too.

Stay tuned. I’m sure we will post more as we read more of “Sheet Music”.