Written by Compiled by Maggie Inahara from City of Woodinville Police Reports

Nothing gets between me and my Snickers

Sugar is a substance that affects the brain chemistry of the user causing euphoria, supreme confidence, loss of appetite, insomnia, alertness, increased energy, a craving for more sugar and potential paranoia.

The high usually lasts from 5 to10 minutes, after which time dopamine levels in the brain plummet, leaving the user feeling depressed and low.

A textbook case of a depraved sugar addict displayed these symptoms and more at a local grocery while attempting to feed an insatiable craving by any means, legal or not.

A loss prevention officer got between the jittery junkie and their carbonated and candied confections, and since sugar doesn’t build strong bodies in any way, the former prevailed.

With their hope for a fix disappearing faster than last week’s paycheck, this fervent fiend found themself slapped with a charge of larceny. Score one for the LPO.

Turn that frown upside down

’Tis the season for cooler weather, fall foliage and a plethora of campaign signs.

Who knows if it’s political opinion or pure pranksterism which has compelled persons of unknown partisan persuasion to perform a topsy-turvy of selected signage in the sea of aspiring office-seekers?

Our petitioners may frown upon such tampering, just as those who miss our otherwise unfettered landscape may frown, but after elections, we’ll all be smiling again. We can celebrate our environmentally-conscious personas as placards, stakes and other campaign paraphernalia head to the recycling heavens.

Top ten ways to make friends and impress your neighbors

O.K., this one didn’t make the list: Drive around the neighborhood in your ATV at 10 p.m. spewing mud from your tires and bellowing like a baboon.

Add some insults and vague threats (also in a very loud voice) and you’ve made yourself some BFFs. If you want to be crowned the ultimate King of Cool Dudes, keep this behavior up once the police arrive.

Alas, the anticipated coronation did not come about and instead of being shown to his throne, our bellicose bacchanal was escorted to the back of a patrol car with a charge of disorderly conduct.

(Courtesy of Bothell PD)

Seeing Red

You’re approaching the intersection … you know this particular signal has an exceptionally long cycle … the light is yellow … a few extra psi pressure on the pedal and you know you’ll just squeak through.

The only problem with this picture is that the driver in front of you has taken a more cautious approach by stopping.

The resulting crunch turns calculating thoughts toward repair costs, plus medical costs for the crunchee — not to mention the cost of a citation for following too closely.

Oh, and that “cha-ching!” you hear is your insurance rate going up for that moving violation.