Life's Most Important App

Appreciating more with less.

The text messages of a dying man reveal a lot about who he was. Larry Melzer, 37, was losing his 17-month battle with leukemia. Lying in a bed in an Israeli hospital, suffering from viral pneumonia after a bone marrow transplant, Larry was on a respirator. His four little daughters were at home in Jerusalem. Larry’s devoted wife Jen was at his bedside. Shabbat was approaching. Larry could not eat, drink, nor speak, but his fingers kept maneuvering his iPhone.

Shortly before Shabbat, Larry received a text message from a friend who was also battling cancer, commiserating how dreary it was to spend Shabbat in the hospital. After Shabbat the same friend wrote:

Thinking of u. Hope Shabbos was bearable!

Larry texted back:

It was great, jen was here, don’t worry it will be great

Great? He was hooked up to 15 separate antibiotic infusions, his once-athletic six-foot frame was shriveled, his handsome face aged and wizened. He had endured a Shabbat without reciting Kiddush, eating challah, singing songs, enjoying food, or embracing his beloved children. The only bright spot was that his faithful wife Jen was there. Yet Larry considered that Shabbat, “great.”

In great pain due to sores from radiation, while receiving an emergency blood transfusion, Larry said with a smile, "I’m so happy.”

A few months prior, Larry had been rushed from Jerusalem to a hospital in Haifa. As his friend Daniel Irom relates: “After a long drive, after he hadn’t slept in a few days due to being on large doses of steroids, while in great pain due to mouth and throat sores from radiation, while receiving an emergency blood transfusion, Larry turned to me with a smile that seemed to come from Heaven and said, ‘I’m so happy.’”

What was he happy about?

Larry and Jen, at the peak of their successful Yahoo careers, had a fabulous Manhattan apartment, an SUV, many DINK [Double Income No Kids] friends, and two dogs. Then they started to become interested in their Jewish heritage. In 2004, they went to Jerusalem for a six-month sabbatical to study Judaism.

There Larry fell in love with Judaism. With his personal charisma and passionate personality, he reached out to share his enthusiasm with everyone he met. While continuing to enjoy the pleasures of the physical world, he infused them with a spiritual awareness and appreciation. “More than once,” relates Gabi Leventhal, “I would be enjoying a wine, a whiskey, a delicious meal with Larry, and before we began to fulfill our appetites, Larry would redirect everyone and talk about all the kindnesses that God has done for him and for everyone else present." He transformed the enjoyment of eating to a sublime state of gratitude.

Eric Rayburn, a former single from Manhattan, recounts a conversation he had with Larry during the period of his struggling to adjust to the Spartan standard of Jerusalem while learning at Aish HaTorah. Larry said to him: “Jerusalem! This is the Wall Street of Judaism. Do you know how many people would love to trade places with you?”

“But, Larry,” Eric protested, “I live in a room without a window and it’s smaller than the second bathroom where I used to live!”

"The key is appreciating what you have. Every second is a precious million- dollar gift."

Larry, in a corporate business manager tone, replied: “I understand, and you are so lucky that the Almighty has invested His time in you to teach you how to appreciate more with less.”

“To appreciate more with less” became Larry’s approach to life. A month before he died, he posted this blog on his website:

Fighting Leukemia for me is about becoming unspoiled. I feel like I went from being a spoiled baby to a mature adult during this 16 month process. I have a zest for life I never had before!

This zest for life is indescribable. How can I possibly communicate being able to see the hand of God in everything? I live in a world where everything is perfect.

The key is appreciating what you have…. Every second is a precious million dollar gift.

Sukkot and Happiness

Sukkot is the holiday of “back to basics.” For seven days (eight in the Diaspora), we move out of our comfortable home into a flimsy sukkah. We leave behind the central heating, the furniture, the posturepedic mattress, the recessed lighting, the carpets, the hardwood flooring, the DVD player, the flat-screen TV, and—how spoiled can you get?—the rain-impervious roof. Yet this is the holiday when we have a mitzvah to be especially happy! What exactly are we supposed to be happy about?

In the snuggest juxtaposition in the Jewish calendar, Sukkot comes a mere five days after Yom Kippur. On Yom Kippur, the day when every person’s destiny for the year is sealed, we pray and plead for life. Yes, we also pray for good health, livelihood, marriage, children, a new job, and whatever else we relish, but most of all we pray for life.

Then here we are, five days later, in our cramped, no-frills sukkah. We don’t have our creature comforts or our hi-tech pleasures, but we do have—life. We have no guarantee that we’ll be alive a few months—or even a few days—from now. But right now, sitting on a folding chair in the sukkah, we have life, the fulfillment of our cherished desire. Of course we should rejoice in it.

We also have relationships. No one builds a one-person sukkah. We sit in the sukkah with family — parents/siblings/spouse/children. If Larry Melzer could consider his deathbed Shabbat “great” simply because his wife was with him, how can we not appreciate that greatest accoutrement to life: relationship? The presence of a loved one turns a house into a home and a sukkah into a sanctuary.

There’s one more ingredient to the joy of Sukkot. On Yom Kippur we are cleansed of all the tainting culpability that has tinged us throughout the year. We emerge from Yom Kippur pure and perfectly prepared for the closeness to God that the sukkah affords.

A simple formula: appreciate life, relationships, and closeness to God. That’s a lot to be happy about.

Larry's Final Words

For both Larry and Jen, the fact that he was dying was no excuse to stop living. At one point, after ten rounds of chemo, Larry was in remission. It seemed like he would make it, after all. Then his doctor in Haifa told Larry that she was 95% sure that he was no longer in remission. Larry phoned Jen to break the news. “Jenny, the doctor said I relapsed.”

Sobbing, Larry continued: “The doctor wants to talk to you about when I’m going to restart chemo. She says I have to restart chemo tomorrow.” Larry paused, collected himself, and said cheerily, “But tonight let’s have a date night. Let’s go out to dinner.”

“That’s a good idea,” she enthused. “We need to have fun, not worry about it.”

He left me with a big sack of faith. That’s how a young widow with four children can face the world with a genuine smile.

“Larry had unbounded faith,” Jen recalls. “On the day he got the original diagnosis, when they told him he had a matter of days to live, Larry said to me, ‘All news is good news.’ He meant that everything is from God and therefore everything is for the good. That’s what he left me with, a big sack of faith. And that’s how, as a young widow with four children, I can face the world with a genuine smile.”

At the end, losing the battle against viral pneumonia, Larry's doctors decided to induce a coma. At that point, Jen had been with her husband for five days, around the clock. Larry clasped her hand, looked into her eyes, and with gasping breath, said, “Thank you.”

“It was clear to me, “ Jen recalls, “that Larry was thanking me for everything I had done for him during the last 17 months, for getting his medications and making sure he took them, for feeding him, being his personal nurse, taking care of the kids single-handedly, paying bills, food shopping, and keeping the family afloat. He knew he was coming to his end, so he left nothing unsaid. He thanked me. It meant: I love you; you did everything right.”

Larry knew only one way to say good-bye: Thank you.

This Sukkot, let’s acquire life's most important app — appreciation.

Update 18 months later: I am happy to add the latest news: Jen remarried in September, 2012. Her four daughters are thrilled to have a father presence in their lives again.

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About the Author

Sara Yoheved Rigler is the author of God Winked: Tales and Lessons from my Spiritual Adventures, as well as the bestsellers: Holy Woman, Lights from Jerusalem, and Battle Plans: How to Fight the Yetzer Hara(with Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller). She is a popular international lecturer on subjects of Jewish spirituality. She has given lectures and workshops in Israel, England, Switzerland, South Africa, Mexico, Chile, Canada, and over thirty American cities. A graduate of Brandeis University, after fifteen years of practicing and teaching meditation and Eastern philosophy, she discovered "the world's most hidden religion: Torah Judaism." Since 1985, she has been living as a Torah-observant Jew in the Old City of Jerusalem with her husband and two children. She presents a highly-acclaimed Marriage Workshop for women [seewww.kesherwife.com] as well as a Gratitude Workshop. To invite her to your community, please write to info@sararigler.com.

Visitor Comments: 34

(31)
Sugarman,
February 2, 2015 2:38 AM

Eliezer

I miss Larry. I am happy his widow found love again. They say people that remarry quickly were really in love. God Bless her and her family. I am sure his daughters will be proud of their father Eliezer as they get older.

(30)
rayla,
October 5, 2012 5:07 AM

I am so happy for the widow that she remarried I hope she's so very happy.. I am a little sad though for what larry is missing out :)

Rabbi G,
October 5, 2012 11:41 AM

you missed something

I cried while reading the article - for a couple reasons. Mainly because of how much I'm lacking in the most important "app". But then after calming down, I read your comment and started to cry again because, I believe, you missed the point. Larry isn't missing anything. Larry, in such a short time (his journey back to his roots) accomplished what many of us don't in a lifetime! I believe he merited completion; perfection but even more than that, he changed others (and is still changing others now!) in such a powerful way! Maybe you should reread the article (I know I want to - not just once more) but this time, keep in mind - realize what our goal in life is, and where Larry is now! If he was so happy and appreciative in his last months of "barely living" - just imagine how happy he was when he saw his rewards and how even happier he must be now that his wife and children have a husband and father!!!
Good Shabbos and Chag Sameach!

Rebecca,
September 24, 2013 3:41 AM

I agree with Rabbi G

Yes, I think Rabbi G has it right. Larry is with God now, and he lived his life in the way that is ultimately fulfilling, up to the very end. He did it to the best of his ability, using his talents and everything God gave him to respond to God's call in his life. This is what it means to live a fulfilled and happy life, and it is our ultimate calling. And being with God, as we trust he is, is the ultimate happiness. It is the ultimate purpose for which we are called to, and what a good life on earth leads to. Of course there is great mystery in this for those of us on earth. But God gives us a glimpse of that, and sometimes a very clear glimpse, as it seemed Larry had during the later part of his life, to see and take joy in what it was all for.

(29)
so touched,
October 5, 2012 3:00 AM

wow i am so moved by this article..im speechless.. what a speacial man he was..not only did he see Hashems hand wile battling for his life..but he also saw the need to gladly share Hashems kindness to others.most of us take life for granted nd dnt appreciate every second that wer well and breathing...yes life can be tough sometimes.. but life itself is indeed a gift bc. wer not gnna be on this world forever. thank u so much for sharing this i am so inpired.. i plan o printing this article and reading in by the sukkos meal to my family..to help them appreciate life to the fullest nd they dnt havto be sik to fiannly get it. i wish u nd ur kids the best of luck nd may u continue to build a bayis neeman with ur new husband.may ur family walk in ur previous's husbands ways nda hava love of life the same way he did.may this article help be an aliyah for his neshama

(28)
Anonymous,
October 1, 2012 9:57 AM

So touching

What a touching, impressive story. Thank you for sharing it. May the Lord bless his wife and children.

(27)
Danielle,
September 27, 2012 6:48 PM

Wow thank u for sharing that, it touched my heart

(26)
Anonymous,
October 24, 2011 12:55 PM

Crying tears of joie-joy while reading the story of your spouse

So happy for you as one looks out the window to see the dawn of the earth's horizon bow in the east to reveal another day of light from the Sun that turns darkness into light of the day to live for Hashem.
Blessings to you and your children who had a chic alors wonderful father to appreciate until they had to trust in their memories as children what they now as adults might dimmly perhaps strongly so recall fondly.
May your very best intentions add a glow and spark to your daily walk of matching what you walk to what you talk.
-anon, s'il Hashem plait.

(25)
suri,
October 23, 2011 8:02 PM

jen i am so sorry for you

while no one can know exactly how u feel - i can only imagine for just a brief moment and then its too painful. u both sound so wonderful - i am sure hashem will comfort u and ur beautiful kids by being so so close to you and holding ur hand.

(24)
Michal Selber,
October 17, 2011 12:05 PM

What a Kiddush Hashem

Overwhelmingly powerful.
Bottom line, there is little in life that we ourselves control. But what we do control our own attitude "att" about what happens, and Hashem "apps" a good "att."

(23)
RAV ZELLER,
October 15, 2011 10:38 AM

very INSPIRING!

AFTER READING THIS ARTICLE,I APPLIED MYSELF TO DAILY TASKS WITH MORE ALACRITY THAN BEFORE. BRAVO SARA RIGLER

(22)
derek,
October 12, 2011 12:32 AM

cancer

i cried..i am a survivor for today .thru GOD and my jewish faith in the events i have no idea about ,,,mystery of healing ..i certainly dont get it ...my real mystery was after 3 major surgeries 2 minor ones with about cutting my stomach area that PLEASE GOD i have one major surgeryto go ...i thru my faith spent 30 days as the drs.the hospitals nearly killewd me twice ..not them but the NASTY SIDE EFFECTS OF CHEMO and wen to a natural more holistic approach t with GODS blessings ..
i beat the so called odds ...
every day is happy
derek maui ..

(21)
devorah kigel,
October 11, 2011 2:28 AM

inspiring

we only knew the meltzers at the beginning of their jewish journey, and it is awe-inspiring to see what truly great people they have become. i think sometimes we feel that there are no tzaddikim walking among us and that no one but big rabbeim or rebbetzins could react to life's challenges the way these two have. so they are a reminder to us all, that it is possible. that we must strive to be better. to realize as my rebbetzin says: Hashem runs the world, i just work here. yasher koach, jen. you are an amazement to all of us and a true example of a phenomenal wife.

(20)
Anonymous,
October 10, 2011 9:59 PM

beautiful, inspiring story

It never ceases to amaze me how some very special people transcend their trying situations.....Wishing Jen and family an easy(as possible) year filled with blessings.

(19)
Gemma,
October 10, 2011 9:30 PM

Such an inspiring family

Jen, you are so amazing and I get inspired just by thinking about you. The way you and Larry chose to face this challenge was unlike anything I'd ever seen. Thank you for teaching me so much. It is a privilege to know you!

(18)
Emma,
October 10, 2011 7:41 PM

If....

You need any help at all please let me know. I may not be able to 100% help you but I will do what I can.

(17)
suri steinberger,
October 10, 2011 1:27 PM

behind every tzadik is a special woman

there is no question about it - larry was on a plane soaring upward every second of his life - we just wish it was more spiritual. Jen I am sure that on his journey toward gd you were there every step of the way like an angel. one rabbi said without faith there are no answers with faith there are no questions just acceptance. I hurt for you.

(16)
Robert Rayburn,
October 10, 2011 12:51 PM

A personal note about Larry and Jen

As Eric's father, I have a tremendous love and respect towards Jen and her late husband Larry, It was a trying period when our son decided to study in Jerusalem and we did not understand his decision. I do not think that he would have been able to fulfill his journey and marry a wonderful wife and give us two beautiful granddaughters. It is because of the kindness and wisdom of Larry and Jen that our son is happy and has a grown into who he is today. When we first met them at our son's wedding, the warmth and friendliness of Larry was evident. The joy that he shared was like he was a member of our family. Two days later, he and Jen hosted a rooftop dinner in the Old city in the newlywed's honor and we got to know them even better. Throughout his illness, I kept in contact with him and Jen. My youngest daughter developed a relationship with Jen. With all of their trials and struggles, they still took time to reply to us. I only wish that Jen and her daughters have the best in this new year and every year and everyone who is reads this article will be inspired to one small percentage of what these two people have done in their lives.

(15)
Braha,
October 10, 2011 9:59 AM

Jen, You're Amazing

Dear Jen,
You amaze a lot of people and I can only take my place humbly as one of them. Your heroism and clarity are the stuff of midrashim. And you're human -- fun, adorable, real, huggable.
I just wanted to take a moment to tell you how much I appreciate YOU and to thank you for being who you are. You and Larry always shone a special light, an incredible wholeheartedness and full-throttle dedication to Torah and Yeshivas Bircas HaTorah. You were always the ones that everyone knew that they could turn to.
Now you continue to shine that light, that special, joyful light that gives clarity and illuminates meaning for all of us. Jen, what can I say? You're amazing. I write this in public because everyone deserves to know just how truthful this article is.
Huge Hugs,
Braha

(14)
Gavriel Jacknin,
October 10, 2011 4:02 AM

A true Yid

I knew Larry personally....he was a super mench, a true G-d fearing person, and example for all of us. in his blogs he mentioned how we should stop being "Adult babies" and stop being selfish...life is great, Hashem is Awesome!!

(13)
Andy,
October 10, 2011 2:44 AM

A healthy response to a challenging ordeal.Inspiring continuation of Yom Kippur

Wow,A man of great faith and a wonderful wife who is a true ezer. It's obscene to say to a person who suffers a great tragedy that all that happens is good, but if one comes to that conclusion oneself it's truly beautiful.I'm for sure uncertain that gam ze le tova is true, but I do believe it. Others may see it differenly but to buy into that idea I need a big picture reference point taking into account many free will choices made in many lifetimes, as well as collective responsibility. An example of this we read yesterday of the 10 martyrs accepting the decree of heaven. It ain't a simple matter as these things are not provable in the conventional sense.

(12)
Jack Altman,
October 10, 2011 2:15 AM

Live in Dallas,Tx.Myself and my wife are Holocaust,survivors

Please put my name and email,on your list.
Myself and my wife are Holocaust survivors,
my wifes maiden name Rachel Kryzman,both
of us were in Belchatow,Poland,near Lodz,we
lived in Lodz ghetto from 1942-44,later auschwitz.
Shalom,Jack and Ruth Altman.

(11)
Shoshana,
October 9, 2011 11:31 PM

Why does it take death for us to appreciate life?

He died knowing he had the best of everything -- faith in Hashem, a wonderful wife (who didn't leave the room when he was suffering so much), four lovely daughters and an appreciation of life.

(10)
Meghan,
October 9, 2011 9:50 PM

True Inspiration

Larry was an incredibly special person who left behind 4 of the most adorable girls and a wife who is one of the most inspiring people I know. Jens strength is beyond what I can possibly comprehend.
It's almost impossible not ask yourself or G-d "Why?" when the world loses such an incredibly special neshama. I guess all you can do is take Larrys advice and know that "Every second is a precious million dollar gift" and that "All news is good news"....

(9)
Anonymous,
October 9, 2011 8:46 PM

serving G-d no matter what the circumstances

I wish i could have faith like this family.. since losing my own husband i can seem o fidn the stnghth to go on

(8)
Sara Fefer,
October 9, 2011 8:30 PM

Beautifully uplifting

Thank you for a beautiful and inspiring article. What a great comparison to Sukkos. We have so much to gain from Larry z'ls insights. May the family be well and shed by Hashem's light during this chag and may you have much hatzlacha in conveying life's best kept secrets.

(7)
Arik Yacobi,
October 9, 2011 4:37 PM

If only........................

...........we could all be as enlightened.............

(6)
Anonymous,
October 9, 2011 4:34 PM

left in tears

thank you for this article. i have never left a comment on my many aish articles that i read but none have left me in tears before. may the message of Larry touch many other hearts and inspire change in the world.
chag samcah!

(5)
yosef glanz,
October 9, 2011 3:21 PM

thank you for sharing

Immensely inspirational. May the Almighty grant you nachas and brachah from your beautiful children. Your reward and your late husband's in the Next World will be endless!

(4)
ruth housman,
October 9, 2011 3:12 PM

To a Wonderful Man!

I was deeply moved by this story and those little girls are just so beautiful, as is Larry's wife. I hope she has many speaking engagements because this story is entirely about love.
I am seeing, it's not over when it's over. I really am seeing this, because my life changed, and deeply a long time ago, and I am recording an astounding story of massive connections that do form a weave, a story in and all of itself, that only G_d could have written, that does deeply tell me we're all connected to each other, more than we ever thought possible, and that there is something MORE, call it, the More in Amore itself.
Something amazing is happening, and I am saying, this symphony has a conductor, perhaps for some, the not too hidden face of G_d.
Shana Tova!

(3)
Lauren Adilev Cohen,
October 9, 2011 2:34 PM

Possessing Self, Not Things

Sara:
You listed a lot of material goods, which I don't have. My family and I live in a simple apartment decorated with my young daughter's artwork. I would have a lot more things if I had worked in the US for twenty years. Instead, I chose the Wall over Wal-Mart, and although I have nothing of material value, B"H I have two healthy children and live near Kever Rachel. My life is empty of objects yet full of value.
Chag Sameach!

Sophie Sarah,
October 9, 2011 5:59 PM

possessing self

This comment is almost as beautiful as the story. That is most important in Judaism to possess oneself and then the things.
Family, children - these are real happiness.
Thanks for the inspiring article, Sara Yocheved, moving as usual.
Chag Sameach!

(2)
Galia Berry,
October 9, 2011 2:07 PM

Wow. Enough said. Just: Wow.

(1)
Anonymous,
October 9, 2011 2:01 PM

Wow!

What an amazing couple! I'm bawling away...and blown away! May Hashem give you strength and Larry should be a heveanly defender for the entire Jewish people.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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