Friday, January 20, 2006

happy happy land...

once upon a time in happy happy land there lived a mouse who could not really understand what all the happiness was about. He used to curse at the other mouses and look back on his life to try and think what had been wonderful enough to make him happy...he had lost his mother and father at an early age, his father was in something the big people called the 'great plague' and his mother was entranced and hypnotised by a flute whilst she was visiting her german side of the family. The pied Piper led her to an untimely death and unhappy mouse was left all alone to fend for himself in the big happy world.

Unhappy mouse was grumpy and told the smaller mouses to 'fuck right off' whenever anyone came near. He was like this every day. The townsmouses all wondered how they could help unhappy mouse to lead a more fruitful and fun life, so one day they decided to ask unhappy mouse to tell them what he would like most of all to be given. 'I would like a new door for my house' he said...so the townsmouses went to work and created the finest hand crafted door which was a glorious red in colour. The door had lovely brass furniture and glistened in the morning haze of the happy happy land sun. The townsmouses went to visit the next day and once again he told them to 'fuck right off'. They were all agog and had a short mutterance between them. They decided to ask what he desired again and this time he told them thet he wnated 'four upvc triple glazed windows for my lovely house'...once again the townsmouses went to work and by the end of the day unhappy mouse had aquired four new upvc triple glazed windows to go along with the glistening red door.

On the third day unhappy mouse was even ruder and not at all tolerant...he was making fun of all the crippled mouses and the mouses that were different colours. The mouse elders once again decided to try and appease unhappy mouse and decided to throw more money at him. This time unhappy mouse asked for a huge industrial fence to go around his house so he could feel safe at night protected from wandering toms. They dutifully provided an industrial fence, prison graded with razor wire at the top of each section. They all slept well that night, all except little charlie mouse who had been tangled up in the razor wire and was not expected to live through the night. In the morning the elders told unhappy mouse that charlie mouse had passed away and all unhappy mouse had to say was 'serves him fucking right'...they were shocked at his heartlessness, especially when he kicked charlie mouses mum for making too much noiuse while she was crying. That was it, they ordered a decree that there would be one last chance to make unhappy mouse happy in happy happy land.

Unhappy mouse asked for the biggest set of gates that they had ever seen to be attached to his high grade prison fence...it took a day of mouse sweat and graft but by sunset they had finished...the townmouses had a party that night because they had created the finest looking house in happy happy land. The sun rose and as the townsmouses gathered at the gates of unhappy mouse house they realised that the gates were padlocked with the biggest unbreakable lock they had ever come across. That was it, from that day unhappy mouse was never seen again. The townmouses had provided unhappy mouse with his own isolated life. Unhappy mouse sat there in his chair in his triple glazed lounge smiling and wondered to himself whether the townsmouses realised that by helping him SO much they had created the perfect reason never to be in contact with anyone in happy happy land ever again....