Detachment

Detachment is one of the most difficult but rewarding tools in personal growth. My old way of detaching was to physically separate myself from someone with a resentment, which usually caused bitterness and unforgiveness. I never let the other person know this, because I was always the nice one who would never do such a thing.

After years of living this way I finally realized that this behavior became a personal prison in which I wanted out. What was I accomplishing for myself? Was this behavior working for me? Looking back now I see that it was one of the only coping skills I knew. I didn’t know how to speak the truth in love or have healthy boundaries. To take care of myself in a relationship was not a concept I had ever heard of, must less practiced.

Through the process of personal growth I have learned new and more effective coping skills by first identifying when I begin obsessing over someone or something I have no control over. Second, I give myself a “time out.” This separation time is much different than what I had done in the past — this separation allows the time and space I need to contemplate my thoughts and feelings and to take care of myself before communicating or taking action with another.

Without this “time out” or detachment I would react out of my hurt and fear in ways that are counterproductive to how I want to live my life by saying things I don’t mean and hurting those I love. Through this process I have learned I can allow myself the right to this time. I can step away from any situation by communicating that “I need time to think about this,” then allow myself as much time as I need regardless of how it makes another feel.

Detachment gives me time to pay attention to myself, take an inventory of my thoughts and feelings then consider my options.