Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The friend's brother

Don't ask me what I'm doing. I have no idea. The friend's brother seems to have fallen in love with me. Or something close. He's super affectionate with me which completely took me off guard. This is someone who is a total bad ass and has established his reputation by being an asshole and the black sheep of his family. It turns out he's actually a softie. True to form, the minute he began to show vulnerability I emotionally turned off. I'm so f'd up. I just can't do it. I don't know how to care about people who seem to like me. I can only care about people who don't. It's so frustrating and so unhealthy. It scares the crap out of me. It makes me feel like I will never have a healthy relationship. I find myself being comfortable in the most unhappiest of situations. I'm scared because I don't want to hurt him and I'm so afraid I will. Its like a switch literally turns off for me. When will I be normal. Will I ever be normal?