Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Tonight's Big Speech

Wow, what a day. Big Guy and I have been busy for hours rehearsing this State of the Union Address. I hope all of you are ready, because it's going to be a long one. I mean, really long.

Just to prepare, we had Toes and Gibbsy and a few other staffers sit in on the rehearsals this afternoon. If you factor in the 43 standing ovations and 35 other applause lines we counted ourselves, this speech could go on for hours.

Now I should tell you that there is no truth to the rumors that Big Guy is going to not be using me tonight, or that he's giving me up for one of those newfangled iPads. Let's face it. The man does only a few things well, and he's going to announce that he's not going to spend any more of your money. Without the spending, that's leaves reading from my screens as the only skill for which he seems to have any aptitude. Well, there's also being patronizing, but as Toes says, that's less of a skill than a natural talent for Big Guy. All in all, I think I'm safe.

You may be wondering what Big Guy is going to talk about tonight. Well, he's going to talk a lot about taxes and jobs, especially how he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District, where in a matter of days last October we achieved almost full employment. He's also, out of concern for national security, going to call for the strengthening of "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Now some people might look at that as just a shout out to his girl Ellen, since we're basically sucking up the "American Idol" time slot. But, no, we're not talking about the one about gays in the military. We're talking about the the new White House policy that means we won't have to keep hearing about that pesky "transparency in government" issue all the time.

Finally, Big Guy's biggest mission tonight is to show that he understands that Americans are angry with him, as well as the failed Bush Administration and its failed policies that failed. Big O feels the best way he can do this is by explaining to his fellow citizens why they are mad. Which brings me back to giving Big Guy something to do: because if he can't spend your tax dollars, and you don't want him reading off my screens, being patronizing may be the only thing left he can give to his country. And in that regard we all know Big Guy has a lot to give.

One knew Patronizing and Pandering aplenty would be about.Presumed he would push an appeal for both by asking the patrons to patronize their government corporations,and purchase the now Federal 'Perfect Brownie Pan',through the WH switchboard .They are $19.95 plus S&H costs of $24.99.Please patronize Patriots,as the government needs the money.Plus these pans make for absolutely perfect pandering as will also be seen in tonite's 'readership' performance.

I wish TP,you would "faint" and make him wing one of these SOU speeches without you.It might be as funny as a sitcom,or perhaps as sad as a Lifetime movie.(I can't decide which to watch tonite).BTW TP ,did you see what fresh postage did to to the Comenteering Peanut Gallery ?Fresh faced FOTS flooded the joint.You should try this postage stuff more often.Just post a TWWEET in the lead column and fans will flock here for the festivities,as they have tonite.Well,welcome one and all,including you Boss.We have missed your eclectic electric inputs.

One line among many peeved me: "I don’t think American elections should be bankrolled by America’s most powerful interests." Who among us doesn't believe that UNIONS themselves represent 'America's most powerful interests?' They march right into the White House and get their little exclusion from the health-care tax, which then gets put on MY shoulders to bear? What planet does Obama come from, anyway?

I think it resonated all across the flat, flat earth (and all you 'round earthers' out there, and you know who you are, I don't want to hear it).

And thankfully he refrained from daring us to go to Mars by the end of the decade, like JFK challenged us to unrealistically reach for the moon. Good thing, too, because that would have been more wasted money just like all that NASA dough went for staging the fake moon landing in a studio in Arizona.

Yes, I was truly mesmerized by the Messiah, makes we want to hop in the wagon that all of you guys are happy to pull for me. Woo hoo.

Here was the best part of the speech: "Thank you. God bless you, and God bless America." Thank you for having him read that, however for the rest of it you could have simply turned off and it would have been OK with me.

The speech or preach sounded much like Charlie Brown's teacher. After about the 3rd I/Me all I heard was Mwah Ma Mwah Ma Mwah. If it weren't for his tantrum like foot stomping while he seethed I would have missed all 80 references he made to HIM self. (Attention Deficit Ooh Shiny flare up)

I think it was real smart calling out the Supreme Court. His current path may lead him before them someday. Great posturing.

Did we really think that the preach er speach would be anything less than a self agrandizing lovefest?

I appreciate him dumbing down his platform.

As far as tranparencies go, the only thing transparent in the White House is BO's character or lack there of.

I agree with the Rev. The One's thanking God and ending the speech was the best part.

So does Biden have some auxiliary prompter to tell him when to pop up and clap? It seems to be preemptive. As for the speech itself, are you SURE it's a new speech? It seems like the same stuff he was saying during the campaign up to an including his six Blame Bush moments.

Totus, your tweet about Rush packing fancy Nancy's parachute was pure genius. All that electricity sure keeps your wit on fire. That's why we love you, well, that and all your most excellent insights into the dopey world that you see from that oh, so dis-advantageous place, staring at both sides of big guy's haughty chin at the same time.

Hey, did you ever feel like you were watching a Saturday Night Live skit during that 70 minute joke of a speech? Joey B and Nancy were pure comedy gold back there. What a cast of characters! It looked as if they were mocking themselves for a taping of SNL. How do you maintain a steady scroll during all of that hilarity? You sure are focused.

Actually, now that I think about it, Totus, you're job is way more taxing than I ever realized before. You have to watch and listen to Big Guy in DUPLICATE each time he gives us a good talkin' to. Does he hypnotize you as he swings back and forth? He's always watching... watching, never letting you out of his sight. Isn't that kinda creepy? And those angry eyes of his. Woo...scary. What if you freeze up?

And you are forced to watch him non-stop, for boorishly long periods of time, from both the left AND the right at once, and sometimes from the hideously ridiculous jumbo screen straight ahead as well.

Agh! How do you cope looking at both of his two faces simultaneously? That means you have to ingest twice the lies and twice the madness the rest of us endure. Sometimes triple. It's like déja vous, vous.

Oh Totus, we just can't possibly comprehend what you go through in service to our country. Perhaps The Won's next recovery package, or the next one, or even the next will be for you. Not to worry, there will be plenty of opportunities... three more years of give-aways to look forward to.

Yours is one recovery that would actually make sense. After all, we need you to stay on top of your game. It could be YOU were the jobs bill he was talking about, a rescue plan to add you to the saved jobs numbers. And yours will probably count double since you have to do double duty and all. Wow, you really are an asset to the Big Guy.

Honestly? I was slamming down drinks and having shots. It was my birthday. Let's see...Obama? or pounding a few...? Lets face it.. Politics will be politics. What I support is the young lads giving their life to support their country. Feedom of speech. Nice blog! You earned it being a Veteran. Thanks!

[Image] "What a cast of characters! It looked as if they were mocking themselves for a taping of SNL."

It did!

In the clips I saw, it looked like Grandpa and Grandma Walton sitting behind their beloved John Boy (remember how insufferably arrogant and naively liberal he was? I couldn't stand him) while he gives the commencement speech at his high school graduation. Grandpa can't understand a word, but he keeps nodding and smiling and, nudged by Grandma, gets up at the right times. Grandma CAN understand him and keeps a fixed smile ("He may be a fool, but he's OUR fool.")

LOL. Biden probably received an electric shock everytime he was supposed to clap or stand (kept a close, squinty, eye on Puhlosi to see what was up). Puhlosi, bless her heart, was thinking about how impressed people must be at her being as beautiful now as she was 50 years (FIFTY YEARS, LADY!) ago. (eye roll)

[TOTUS] "he's going to use the same formula we used in New Hampshire's 73rd Congressional District" --

"Aaaaaaaand, uuuuuuh, folkssssss, we now have FULL employment.... er... ON THE MOON! Yeah, heh, heh, everybody there has a job. Mmmm, hmm."

"What do they do?........uuuuuuuh, hmm. Above my pay grade. (( PRESENT! )) You know, this is not about ME. And remember. When you win I won, er, I mean, you lose, I hope, I...O..... , you win I..... . I'm lost....................................................................(( PRESENT! ))

i've heard obama speak without a teleprompter is he does eloquently and intelligently, more so than pretty much any other politician on public television. he also writes his own speeches. the fact that he "uses" a teleprompter doesn't mean anything in itself. you are debasing him for no other reason other than either you are an idiot, or you can't put your idiotic ideologies aside and face the truth like a man with a real pair of balls.

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