Because it’s 2003 and he has to decide whether he wants to play for Roy Williams or Thad Matta, LeBron James will make an announcement in an hour-long special Thursday night on ESPN, starting at 9 p.m. Eastern. No, I meant he will make an announcement on WHO HE WILL SIGN WITH IN FREE AGENCY. ProBasketballTalk reports:

LeBron and his people will sell sponsorships of the show, with the money going to the Boys & Girls Clubs of America, according to ESPN. There is no work yet on where LeBron will be during the announcement. A national television announcement with money going to a national charity — hard to read too much into that about where LeBron might play next year. It doesn’t have the hometown feel of Cleveland though, does it? What you can read into this — it takes a pretty big ego to ask ESPN for an hour like that. There is potential for backlash, something LeBron saw when he did the Larry King interview during the NBA finals.

LeBron James and Kobe Bryant are the closest things to artists in the NBA, so if James wants to do this, screw it, let him do it. He plays for the Cavaliers. Half of that team have never held a basketball before, yet they’ve been in the playoffs every year except for his rookie year. They showed his high school games on ESPN for chrissakes. If I was LeBron James, I’d make this announcement in my gigantic pool riding a Great White shark with an iced out grill.

Preemptive strike: Shut up, Steve Nash and Dirk Nowitzki homers. They’re white boys who can ball. You’d have a better chance of seeing a unicorn. And Boston fans, please. Rajon Rondo is the best player on your team. I say all of this with love.