I went to run several errands on Sunday, I visited several stores. I didn’t feel my best but, I had the confidence I normally have, until … I looked down at my feet. Something seemed a little odd, at that moment I didn’t pick up on it.

My mind kept saying ‘something ‘isn’t right’. I looked back down at my feet, my mind not registering anything out of the way. I went on to finish all I needed to do, got in my truck, came home. My truck is high enough off the ground that I have to step up on the running board to enter it. Sometimes, it isn’t an easy job when there are days my body ‘feels the pain more’… also, for a ‘short’ person. :)))

When I got home, I began to exit my truck and slid down to the ground… when the sunlight revealed to me what I had not seen before … I was wearing different sneakers! They didn’t match! They were of different colors! Oh my God! I went out in public like this! I couldn’t believe it. I knew I wasn’t feeling well, but…..

Well, hopefully no one noticed it… thankfully, they were of the same style, but… of different (soft) colors. I didn’t recall anyone looking down at my feet… I ‘looked into my mind immediately!’).

I had gotten sick on Saturday, very sick with flu-like symptoms …enough so, that Skip was worried. I slept all of Saturday evening, through the night, and on Sunday morning, I felt ‘well’. How fortunate was I? I didn’t feel 100%, but, almost. I think I ‘missed the bullet.’

Not feeling the very best, is my only excuse for wearing non-matching shoes. I did that once many years ago, when I worked in the office… I couldn’t go home, I kept my feet hidden under my desk!

Not only did that happen… something kept distracting my attention as I drove my truck. Each time I looked into my rear view mirror, I saw this:

Taban’s brand-spanking new car seat. I will save this for him ‘one day’… I already have his wagon, dump truck, artist easel with paints, paper, Christmas presents, and toys… blankets….. and …. and ….. and………………………………………………………………………

This was what kept bothering me as I looked into my rear view mirror… see Taban’s seat sitting there on the 3rd seat of my truck?

Taban’s car seat has sat here almost as long as Tommy’s been gone. Taban has never gotten to ride, while sitting in it.

Taban’s seat still rides with me everywhere I go, sitting there wishing for a little, precious boy to sit in it. It been there for almost as long as Tommy’s been gone. I ordinarily don’t let my mind focus on it….

That was the second thing … today, that bothered me. When I got home, got inside… another thing made me feel worse.

You can see 24 Missed Calls… get an idea how much I pay attention to that house phone, I don’t hear it anymore … I don’t care. Who’s going to call, unless it’s someone with something ‘bad’ to … tell me?

The third thing… the house phone was ringing … Kissy began crying, howling. It sounds so sad, I can’t bear to hear him do that. It’s strange … it’s really strange he does that.

I ‘know why’ I can’t bear to hear the house phone… that’s how I found out Tommy was … Tommy died. The man talking on Tommy’s cellphone called our house phone…

I hate the house phone, I feel instant anger when it rings. ‘If’ I answer it, I know anger is in my voice… I feel mad, I feel anger…. I begin to tense up when it rings.

It is just how it affects me… so, whoever chances calling me on it, also…. may hear pure anger in my voice. I know it’s wrong, not right… but, tell my feelings that. I feel ‘mad’ now.. talking about it. I’m not mad at who calls…. I’m mad … at something in the past.

Combined with how I feel, Kissy crying each time it rings… it’s almost… unbearable. We use it mostly to fax with. I would not keep it, if it wasn’t needed. Our cellphones would be enough..

I’ve turned the phones down as low as they will go… thinking the tone is too high for Kissy… it doesn’t matter. He begins crying, howling… anyway.

Same thing when he hears the theme song for ‘Two and a Half Men‘… and the ‘bacon, bacon, bacon commercial.’ Kissy will begin crying so pitifully, it turns into howling non-stop.

We can use the remote control on the tv to mute the sound, but… we don’t have a remote control… for everything.

So, today shoes of a different color, Taban’s car seat, and the house phone have bothered me…. threes are always my number it seems. A lot of times though… threes are significant in a good way. Today, they weren’t… I felt them more because I was sick.

All of these things were upsetting, but… I don’t dwell on things too long… I make myself ‘let go’….. to find peace of mind.