My Pensive

Author: Clara

Recently I’ve been suffering quite a lot of ‘bad body image’. If you have an eating disorder you probably know what I’m talking about, if not let me break down all the thoughts that are filling my mind. Although my anorexia nervosa didn’t come as a direct result of wanting to be thin, the more I fell into the depth of the illness the more … Continue reading Dealing With Bad Body Image

People just don’t seem to understand. It’s not a ‘silly diet’ or something I can turn on and off whenever I want to. How I wish I could! It’s a struggle, a war- where both the enemy and the ally is yourself… which parts do you listen to? My mind just won’t shut up, I can’t stop those racing thoughts exploding in my mind like … Continue reading What It Feels Like To Be Anorexic

Why is it that most of us live our lives in such a way that pleases others? It seems illogical to me that we base our days doing things that will make us accepted by people around us, rather than doing things that we would rather do and that please ourselves. You only live once. How many times have you heard this phrase? But have you … Continue reading You Don’t Have To Prove Anything To Anyone

I think one of the reasons it’s so, so hard to recover from anorexia nervosa is the body dysmorphic disorder that often comes along with it. For those who don’t know Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is an anxiety disorder that causes a person to have a distorted view of how they look and to spend a lot of time worrying about their appearance (as stated on the NHS … Continue reading Understanding and Beating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Whether I’ve slept or not it doesn’t matter, my nightmares would just be a recreation of my daily life. I do not feel tiredness in my body. I do not feel my body. It is made of solid bronze and the only feeling I do feel is me aging every day. If someone were to touch me with their hands, my coldness would diffuse to … Continue reading Still Life – A Story About Depression

This may be more of a rant than anything else but I believe it needs to be said. Throughout the past few years I have encountered various people both online and in real life who have been dealing with mental illnesses. A thing I have noticed by following these people is how much of a competition there seems to be between people to be ‘the … Continue reading The competitiveness with illnesses

For God sake help me- I suppress the weak cry I must strive higher Please- I shake my head clean Filled with me. The plead is inaudible. I stay grounded Yet I find myself running I’m lost- No. I’m strong, I can keep going Nothing can stop me With one single mind- But there it is Why?- It’s a broken scream One I cannot bare … Continue reading Single Minded- A Poem About Anorexia

This question is very controversial and I don’t think there is a definitive answer to it but that rather it affects different people in different ways. I think a very important question to ask yourself if you have anorexia and are vegan is this: Is your veganism a way for you to avoid foods? Or in other words, is your veganism feeding your anorexia? The … Continue reading Veganism and Anorexia -Should You be a vegan if you have anoerxia?

Since I first received help for my eating disorder I have held on to the belief that I could recover from it and still remain skinny. I thought that showing I could eat was enough for my doctors and my family to leave me alone and think I was better. I believed and hoped that only the act of eating was recovery, not the act of eating enough. … Continue reading Letting go of anorexia- Goodbye skinny me

I think that a lot of people who have anorexia have had this thought. This is understandable due to this illness being, unfortunately, very competitive. It’s hard to make an effort to eat and get better when you know there are worse places you could reach, places which other people have reached. The problem however, is that no matter how far worse you get, it … Continue reading “I’m not sick enough to recover”