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Old Fashioned Ideas on Men and Women

Awhile ago, I became obsessed with watching “Millionaire Matchmaker” on Bravo TV. I would be trying to get things done on the weekend – you know, like painting the bathroom or getting a load of laundry done – but I would walk through a room where “Millionaire Matchmaker” was on, and – next thing I knew – I’d be sitting on the edge of the couch with the laundry basket on my hip, sucked in, while my sons’ T-shirts would have their wrinkles set in.

One weekend, the show had me particularly enthralled. Partly because I was fascinated with the ne’er-do-well wealthy bachelor of the hour and the seemingly lost, desperate lineup of would-be-millionaire wives, but mostly because – arriving on the set suddenly – was none other than Dr. Pat Allen!

I interviewed Pat Allen many moons ago for an article I was doing for the newspaper on creating and breaking New Year’s resolutions. At the time, she was doing weekly seminars at a local hall in Orange County, focused on helping women and men communicate with one another. My editor friend Dixie gave me her number and said I must interview her. I loved that Pat was all about empowering women – helping them find their strength (in many cases for free) – and I became a big fan of hers, then and there. She turned out to be an amazing interview. She has this deep, gravelly voice, and a wicked sense of humor, and she tells everything exactly like it is. I remember wanting to talk to her for hours.

Over the years, I’ve seen Pat pop up in many places – in interviews, on daytime television with Dick Clark and Danny Bonaduce (remember that show?), writing books, giving seminars on “How to Love One Another” in Los Angeles and Orange County – and now here she was again! Helping Patti out on Millionaire Matchmaker! Uber-cool.

Of course, as soon as I saw her helping Patti with matchmaking, I rushed off to my bookshelf to find one of her books I read for the interview. It was “Getting to ‘I Do’ – The Secret to Doing Relationships Right.” Although I wasn’t interviewing her about relationships at the time, I read the book to get a background on her basic philosophies. And Pat’s basic philosophies were fascinating.

Her basic thought process is that men and women have clearly conventional roles, and if you buck the roles, and try to “play” the man in the relationship (if you’re a woman) or “play” the woman (if you’re a man), you’ll probably fail at relationships. She, instead, advises that if you’re looking for love, women need to play women and men need to play men. Otherwise, she insists, if a man is with a woman who’s playing the man, she’ll come off as a shrew; and if a woman is with a man who’s playing the woman, he’ll come off as a child. They’ll think they’re just falling for this same “type” over and over, but really it’s them — because they’re trying to play the wrong role and attracting the type who will let them.

Pat’s philosophies don’t sit well with everyone, of course. I mean, they sound awfully old fashioned. (And they are, really — the theory dates back to Carl Jung.) But, according to Pat, they’re still relevant today (whether we want to believe it or not).

3 thoughts on “Old Fashioned Ideas on Men and Women”

I have also found myself sucked in by the Millionaire Matchmaker and find it is best not to turn it on unless I want to watch it all day =) I have never read one of Pats books or seen her speak, but it sounds like it makes sense!