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Tarot Car Reading: Volvo V70R

The 2004 Volvo V70R. 300 Horsepower, 295ft/lb of torque, enough space to take the family on vacation, sporty looks, luxurious interior and it's a wagon. While it doesn't excel in one particular area, it is quite good in all areas: power, versatility, space, comfort and handling.

Boasting a better slalom time than the base model Corvettes of the same year, but with 3 extra seats and a big rear cargo area, the V70R seems like the only car a person could ever want or need. You want to add a 6-speed manual and all-wheel-drive? No problem. It's the perfect mix of enthusiast and utility one could ask for.

The only thing it's missing is the ability to convince people to buy it. It's eccentric yet a little bit shy, so people seem to pass right on by. Much like you. With more funky paint and interior colours than you can shake a stick at, sometimes people find it a little unapproachable.

You're the fun dad that none of your kids friends think is the fun dad because you don't come out of your shell enough to show your true self. Your stoic demeanour really throws people through a loop given you propensity to tend to dress so eccentrically. People don't know whether to high-five or shake your hand.

It's almost like you have multiple personalities depending on the situation and who you are with. When you're tooling around with your family, it's all good clean fun. You are the tame, yet permissive dad and husband that your family loves, always willing to do something fun with the kids at the drop of the hat.

However, when you're out with the comrades the inner demons are unleashed. Nobody sees it coming when you get to the beach and under your shirt is a fully ripped, smoothly shaven body of a mid-20's gym buff. You can always outrun, outhit, outdrink anyone that challenges you. And when it's all over, back to quiet 'ol dad, always respectful, dependable and never one to brag.

One of you favourite things to do is to watch people's reaction when you let loose only to revert back to business as usual when it's all over.

You are a Volvo V70R owner. Never one to brag, more strength and intelligence than anyone would ever expect, nearly invisible to the general public and loving every minute of it.