Thursday, November 19, 2009

MINNEAPOLIS—According to family and friends, area Republican Jerry Rainer, 47, is still fucking enthralled with himself nearly one week after making a sarcastic crack towards someone he perceived to be a supporter of President Obama.

“Yeah, some lady or something was sayin’ something about being disappointed with the speed that the health care bill was going through Congress,” remembered friend Sonny Adams, who still can’t believe he’s having to relive such a minor anecdote a week after the fact. “So, Jer was all like ‘I guess this isn’t CHANGE you can believe in’, sarcastically emphasizing the ‘change’ part in a really annoying way.”

Adams sighed and continued, “We didn’t think much of it. Actually, we kind of thought he was being a dick. But it wasn’t until he walked away with such a smug look on his face and kept bringing it up in every conversation that we began to suspect he thought he had won the Lincoln-Douglas debates.”

Those close to Rainer don’t know what caused him to interject his big fuckin’ mouth, uninvited, into a mildly political conversation, noting that his previous political interaction seemed solely centered around forwarding utterly retarded right-wing chain e-mails from his office. Most surmise that Mr. Rainer had likely thought of the alleged joke a long time ago and may had been waiting a long, long time to finally say it.

They were quick to note that this was “pretty goddamn sad.”

For now they don’t see any way of getting him to stop mentioning it without further engaging him politically, a process in which none of them wisher to engage. Instead, they have organized a movie night around the film Borat, hoping that this human wasteland will switch over his incessant ‘change’ references to the equally overdone, but at least mildly amusing, catchphrases of Sacha-Baron Cohen's character.

“Frankly it’s our only HOPE,” smiled the now repellent Adams. “You see what I did there?”