Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Seeing the beginning of the Spirit (sorry, walked out) reminded me of a rhetorical structure I wanted to talk about. There was a triplet of characters with t-shirts emblazoned with Logos, Ethos, and Pathos.

Those three concepts set a clear framework from which speakers and writers can more effectively connect with their audiences.

Logos is using logic to persuade people. "We should walk out of this movie because our marginal utility functions provide sufficient reason to seek enjoyment in another theater."

Ethos uses ethics or morals to explain. "We should walk out of this movie because there's is something fundamentally wrong with sitting in a movie that you don't like. It's just wrong."

Pathos is using emotion to persuade. "I'm going to cry if we don't leave this movie. You don't want me to start wailing right here, right now, do you?"

The great speakers of the world, use the best combination of these three techniques to get their message across. Now you can too!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Okay so how do you know your parents are nuts? Just look on your birth certificate son.

A couple in Easton, Pennsylvania kicked up a fuss when the bakery at Shoprite wouldn't put "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on his cake. story So what did the cooky couple do? They went to Walmart! That's the best solution. Everyone knows Walmart doesn't have a heart. You can't offend people who value nothing but money.

Shoprite should have honores their valid, albeit idotic, request. They offer to write the name down of whoever's birthday it is. Well that's his name. They got the proof. It doesn't matter if you don't like the name.

I feel bad for little Adolf. He's stuck with that name until he's eighteen. How bad is he gonna get made fun of. Those his moron parents better have their home-school kit ready for when he gets jumped one too many times by the school bully, Tyrone Malcom X Jackson.

I thought that there were certain names that you couldn't give your kids. In that case I can finally give my kid the name I've always wanted. I wonder how my dad's gonna react when he meets his grandson, Blacky McMonkey. He and little Adolf would get along great.

Ok... great you got me. I thought you were serious there for a sec. But okay, it was all a joke. Oh look, yea, I see the cameras right there. What? A new ABC show? Great. Do I win something? No? Oh well okay. A release? Oh so I can agree to let you use my image on your show? Let me think about it...

Hell no! I ain't signing crap. I don't care if you all think I'm being a curmudgeon. You can all kiss my ass. Ever since Candid Camera invaded the privacy of normal people going about there business. Every starving segment producer with armed with a camera, release forms, and a 'wacky' host has been convinced that they have the next great prank show.

Just leave us the hell alone. Why don't you do something daring and go write a script that's actually entertaining. You say everyone wants reality tv nowadays. Well that's because your scripted shows sucked! So instead of going back and being creative you all decided to just abandon using your brains and starting spitting out nothing but reality. Okay so you got some idiots to sign up for your stupid show. But that wasn't enough. Now people who are just trying to get to work have to help sell your garbage by being tricked, bothered, and made complete fools of to entertain your brainless audience.

Well let me send you a message from everyone who doesn't want your stinkin cameras in our face. No, we will not sign a goddamn thing!

I thought MTV's Boiling Point was the lowest the prank shows could get. That is until I saw the crap on BET. Hell Date is quite possibly THE worst show that has ever made it on the air. I should've filed a complaint to the FCC just for sucking so bad. It's done terribly, the scenarios are stupid, and the people don't even win any money for having their time wasted! I want to know what Neanderthal's they convinced to sign on to their garbage.

How empty does someone's life have to be to enjoy that kind of 'entertainment.' It sounds elitist, but it's so damn true. Seriously, I don't care if fans of those types of shows are offended that I think they are brainless retards. I'm ready to have a debate with anybody, anytime if they want to defend that trash.

The only schadenfreudic indulgence I'll give you is a guy getting hit in the nuts. That will always be funny 'til the end of time. But that doesn't mean that I'll take a half-hour out of my day to watch people get hurt, have accidents, and get accosted by twenty-somethings with spiked hair.

I had to examine why I enjoyed seeing people get hurt many years ago. And to all those who do enjoy it, I suggest you do the same.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Mama Africa has died of a heart-attack after a performance in Italy. story I learned about her a few years back when I watched Amandla, a documentary about the role of music in South Africa during apartheid. I love the music in that movie.

I don't want to force a movie on anyone. But I highly recommend it.

Her most famous song is Pata Pata. Acute listeners will recognize the song from Season 3 in NBC's now canceled, Las Vegas.

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Barack Obama will be the next president of the United States. It's a privelege to be blogging about it a day after history has been made. The whole world is celebrating (except for Texas).

So who's vote put Obama in office. In 2000 it was the white evangelicals that gave Bush the White House. In 2004 it was the Hispanics that put him over John Kerry.Yesterday, virtually every group showed up for Obama. Hispanics, who account for 15% of the elecotorate, came out 66% in favor for Obama. In Florida, with a strong Cuban community, went 57% for Obama. He drew votes from more than one-half of women voters, and no need to even measure the percentage of black votes.

The only group that tended to side with McCain was white men and old people. My black friends are quick to label them racists, but I have to give them the benefit of the doubt. Not voting for Obama does not make you a racist. Maybe.

So what does this mean for black people? Will they reenergize their hope and strive for better things? Will they soon return to asking for handouts and blaming other people for their failures? That part we have to wait and see.

Barack needs to pull the country together and keep moving forward. It's time to transfer the soaring rhetoric into actionable policy. If he can sucessfully bring the country together to tackle the issues we all care about (read: economy), then he might not get all the blame if things don't work out as planned.

I'm afraid of the Lefties running the Congress. Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and their cronies may actually give Obama more problems then solutions. The republicans' vitriolic rage will be aimed at Congress. When Congress messes up, they will then tie it to the Obama administration.

Wall Street's scared now, but they get over it. I swear, they're the biggest bunch of whining babies in the country. As sson as he selects Warren Buffett as his Treasury Secretary, they'll calm down.

I didn't think Obama could do it. I held off on supporting because I didn't want to get heart broken. I think most people did too. He better go to Iowa and thank them over and over. He would not be in office right now if it weren't for them. This whole thing started at that primary.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

What the hell is going on in Nebraska. Under a new "safe haven" law that took effect in July, parents may dump their annoying kids off at any local hospital without legal retribution. story from AP

Twenty-two brats have been dropped off so far. The state legislature is considering revamping the kooky law to limit abandonment to children that are 3 days old.

Wow, those kids are going to be messed up for life. There is no better path to porn for a girl than daddy issues. How much worse is it going to be when your dad literally kicked your ass to the curb as soon as the state said he wouldn't go to jail for it?

The abandoned boys will be robbing people within a few years. The girls will be on the stripper pole in no time flat.

Nebraska needs to change the law right away before more future juvenile delinquents are dropped off at the local ER.

But the worst part of the story is the fact that such a law would have to be corrected. What the hell is wrong with parents that they need the threat of jail time to not abandon their kids? Are we Americans that messed up?

For those who whine that government shouldn't legislate parenting, please explain what you would have the state do in this case. They have been put in the position to threaten parents with jail time in order ensure that kids have a home. Welcome to the 21st century. story

Thursday, October 23, 2008

West Virginia is still one of the most exciting college football programs in the NCAA.

They're battling the Auburn Tigers (what's been up with them lately?) now on ESPN. They should win as they're up by ten with 6 minutes left. Pat White and the speedy backs are lighting up the Auburn defense. Why aren't they in the top ten?

They started off ranked number 8 in the country. The loss to East Carolina dropped them big (24-3). And then they lost to Colorado in overtime, effectively taking them out of the top 25.

Anyone who thinks West Virginia's a push over since they don't have a ranking next to their name will be sadly mistaken when they underestimate them. They can still win their conference and make it to a bowl game. I like them. I want them to win. They're better than Pittsburgh and can end up taking the Big East championship. Go Mountaineers.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

I seriously think that music has saved Pink's sanity. Time after time when she would have imploded, she hit the studio and made things happen. That's a good role model for everyone that's depressing themselves over someone who doesn't want them anymore.

Her early candy commercial hits didn't do much for me. But in her second album she left all the corny pop stuff and did her own thing. She took a huge risk that took some balls. One to expose herself to the world, and second, to take on her label to get the album done her way.

I first listened to Don't Let Me Get Me. What a crazy song. "I'm my own worst enemy. Don't want to be my friend no more. I wanna be somebody else." How many people have felt that way before? Or I should say has anyone NOT felt that way before? And the song is catchy. It's good music, and has a real personal message.

Then there was Family Portrait. It wasn't released as a major single, so a lot of people missed it. MTV watchers got to catch the video though. It's a great video and a great song. Again, cause it's so personal and true to real life, and it's good-ass music.

The latest song to catch me is her new hit, "So What." When I heard that she got divorced, I felt really bad for her. She seems like a cool chick, and I thought it was cool that she proposed to her guy. So after the divorce I thought she'd be done.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity, she hit the studio. She put everything she was feeling into a song. And did it again. An awesome song that comes straight from the heart. And it's good music- great music. Her ex is even featured in the video.

Don't try to work on the person who doesn't want you, work on YOURSELF! It's the best advice I've ever gotten. And I see it demonstrated in Pink. And I pass it on to everyone today. Get busy living. Get off your depressed ass. It hurts now, but it will hurt much less in a year from now when you've accomplished things in your life.

Follow Pink's lead. We all got to turn our hurt and anger into motivation to kick ass everywhere else in our lives. Check out the videos.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

You know what guys do when they see a dude with a hot chick at the club? They give him props. I've had guys buy me drinks for having a hot chick at my side (many times). I wonder how many girls have had other girls buy them drinks (girls that weren't trying to hit on them). Seriously, I wonder if any chick under the age of 30 has bought a drink for another girl that she met at a club.

I knew that girls were catty and rivalrous, but I had no idea how deep it went. Tripping the Prom Queen by Susan Shapiro Barash is just a peek into the lives of women- and I'm glad as hell that I'm not one. Chicks battle over everything; houses, husbands, children, body shapes, aging, and jobs. Everything!

What the hell's wrong chicks? At first I thought it was because of the different pressures that women face that men don't have to deal with. But I realized they're just babies; just a bunch of immature brats.

The book has a lot of testimonies from women who battle with jealousy and envy from potential rivals. Whenever they see a girl who could possibly take attention away from them, they fight to destroy her. What, do they think guys don't like attention too? We don't like when a better looking guy shows up to scoop up all the girls. We envy guys like George Clooney and Diddy who fly across the world in private jets, banging chicks from all over while they make blockbuster movies or hit records.

But here's the difference, we deal with it. We go to work. We get a life. We don't plot to destroy anyone. We don't act like a bunch of babies when attention is taken from us. Men realize very early on how to get used to being ignored. We get overlooked at clubs, we can't pout our lashes out of getting a ticket, and we can't show any cleaveage to get our way.

We sit outside of the club. We have to pay our tickets. We walk into a room and no one gives us a second thought. It's life as a guy.

I think chicks can learn a thing or two from us. Don't get mad at your rival, get mad at yourself and change your situation. Go to the gym instead of calling every girl with a nice body a slut.

Get a good job and make some money for yourself instead getting jealous of successful women; saying that they must've slept their way to the top.

I always loved how guys are polite to each other (at least when we're not pissed drunk). Guys are always smiling and talking to each other in the bathroom at the clubs. The girls bathroom is like mission-central. They all check each other out like they're getting ready to go on stage at a beauty pageant.

One more thing I got from the book was how women really shouldn't trust each other that much. I used to rail against girls who had a lot of guy friends. They'd always go on about how they didn't trust girls, and that guys are much cooler. I'm starting to get their point. I still wouldn't date a chick that was the only girl in a group of guy friends. But I can see why they wouldn't trust the other women.

There's no reading a man can do to understand chicks. I just thought it was an interesting subject. But the mystery continues. Stay single forever guys. Bros before hoes. Semper fi.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Is the milf qualified to be vice president? Is Obama? Mccain? No, no, and of course.

John McCain is definitely the safe choice when it comes to qualification. The Japanese are right, old people are smarter and wiser. Palin and Obama are too hot under the collar to be chill during real crises. If something bad happened to the country, I'd want McCain choosing our next move.But more on that later.

Its time for the flavor of the moment. The celebrity politician. The one that draws the huge crowds. They inspire admiration from their screaming fans and ire from their enemies. Of course I'm talking about...wait which one am I talking about? Palin and Obama are both flavors of the moment. They're both overexposed celebrities. As soon as we as a country get over that, we might be able to get back to the issues.

It's hard to get people to watch foreign films (you don't know what you're missing), but at least I can start you off with something from the UK. This movie is funny as hell and has a heart. Honestly, I didn't expect to like it. But it was free from the library to borrow. Well good stuff.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

White people who list Coldplay as their favorite band are what we will call “basic” level white. Chances are that they discovered the band a few years ago and have attended at least one concert. Their knowledge of music is very limited, and there is a 100 percent chance that they also like U2. If you need to befriend one of these people, just tell them that X&Y helped you get through a difficult breakup. They will understand.

If you mention the band to a white person and that white person rolls their eyes, you are likely dealing with a “standard” level white person. The way to know for sure is to say, “I consider the band to be a guilty pleasure.” A favorable reaction indicates that your white person is indeed standard level. For the most part, these people are either former fans (“I liked Parachutes when it came out”) or very reluctant fans (“Yeah, I guess ‘The Scientist’ is a good song”). Though they may appear more standoffish than basic level white people, they are far easier to manipulate once you know their secret...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Our penises have voted. Guys would rather have a hot girl then an interesting one. And women have obliged us by putting the books down and picking up the eyelash curlers.

Guys, when was the last time a girl you just met cracked you up? Long time ago? Never? I can think of about one or two. The question though is why?

Well I got a chance to do an experiment I've always wanted to do.

I became friends with a pretty hot chick a while back. We got to talking about Myspace, and I asked her about guys messaging her. She kinda blew it off and said only creeps tried to get with her. I kept pressing her about it and she said she'd let me see her page and inbox. What I saw shouldn't have shocked me, but it did.

She came off as so dry and uninteresting that if it weren't for her bikini pictures I don't think anyone would have hung around her page for more than three seconds. She's the type of girl that puts in her 'Heroes' section: Martin Luther King and Lauren Conrad. You know, crap like that. The type of girl that has in her 'Books' section: does Us Weekly count?I cleaned up the entire page. Each section had a bit of funny added in. I threw up a few funny blogs, and a few stories of our adventures told from her perspective.

Well, things unfolded just as I thought. The guys went nuts. Absolutely went ape-shit over this girl. She said her mailbox always had messages waiting for her that she couldn't get to. I stood behind her and told her to respond to the ones that she liked. She would tell me what she wanted to say, and I would sprinkle a little personality on it (You'd be shocked at how bland our female friends can be).

I feel bad for the guys, since she really had no desire to meet anyone. She just wanted to see what would happen. I witnessed her turn down more dates than I've actually participated in. Eventually we had to close the account because she just couldn't take it anymore.

I always thought to myself that my humor was pretty decent. But I wondered what would happen if a hot girl had the same verbal chops as me? Obviously it's a mix that's too potent for mere mortals to handle.

So what should we get out of this little foray into contemporary social theory? First women aren't funny (sad but true). Second, they probably don't have to be. Why? Because us guys don't ask them to be. It's nice to have, but doesn't make much difference. Women look better than men. Yea I know you might think a woman sees it differently, but you're wrong. But that's because they actually care about how they look.

Our value comes from our personalities first, and looks second: and the complete opposite for the ladies.

One thing that backfired in the experiment was when the creepy guys fell even harder for her. Most guys were already into her, and when she showed a little personality it only made things worse. She couldn't get them to lose interest in her.

Now that I look back, there was no incentive for her to be funny. She was right to skip over the news and watch the Style E network.

Guys will take women smart, we'll take'em dumb, but we won't take them with clumpy short lashes.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

If Obama's elected as the next president he vows to make universal healthcare a reality. The republicans just want to reform the system a bit. So who's right?

I'm all for the philosophy of healthcare for every American. It seems right, even we can't all explain fully. There's something wrong when a rich nation like ours still has people who die needlessly because of a lack of funds.

My problem has always been with the execution. Can we do it? I don't think we're smart enough or responsible enough as a country to have the government manage the entire health coverage system. I'm convinced they're gonna mess it up.

The analogy I use is the legal system. Everyone has the right in our country to be represented by legal counsel in any U.S. court. How's that system doing? Does anyone respect that institution. The public defenders are walking punchlines. Of course it's because there's not much incentive for a law school grad to do it. Getting free, government-issued legal counsel is like throwing your case away. The government believes that although everyone deserves counsel, not everyone deserves Johnny Cochran.

Is the same thing going to happen with doctors? Will we end up with a system full of basic, low-level doctors for the masses and the good ones saved for the rich? I don't see why we should expect anything else?

Are we asking for too much? It looks like the democrats not only want everyone to have healthcare, but to also have the BEST possible healthcare to each person.

Most Americans believe that we all deserve a meal at the end of the day no matter what our financial standing. But does that mean we all deserve a ribeye steak dinner with all the trimmings?

Friday, June 27, 2008

What is clear is that Barack Obama is pursuing a course radically different from Kerry's—or, for that matter, Al Gore's. (Gore lost the white evangelical vote by a 68-30 margin.) And therein lies a tale about one of the least appreciated but most effective of political techniques: the art not so much of winning over voters as of lessening the intensity of their opposition...

The reassurance strategy, by contrast, takes the opposition as a given and then tries to lower its intensity. To oppose a candidate, after all, isn't the same as actually giving money or pulling the lever for the other guy. White evangelicals in Ohio may well support John McCain by margins of 2-1—but if they're not out on Election Day with car pools and massive door-to-door vote pulling, that's a major victory for Obama.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Sometimes I really like what the Supreme Court does. They are appointed for life so they won't be swayed by political leaders or, more importantly, political climates. I want to talk about the climates.

Nowadays, there's a vitriol toward child rapists that used to be saved for cannibals. They are thought of as less than human. And now, some members of Congress want to put a law in effect that allows them to get the death penalty.

The Supreme Court said no. They say the death penalty should be saved for cases involving death.

I'm not sure if I agree with them, but I respect their wisdom and knowledge of the law. I may have been caught up in the death-to-rapist sentiment too. Anyone who would violate a child like that should be punished severely. That child will never be whole again. Rapists essentially kill a part of that kid's life.

But that sentiment has been like a fever spreading through the country as of late. Child rapes have been going on for many years, but it's only lately that they've been headlined on national news. Tv shows hoping to catch child predators have flourished.

This rabid drive to hang all child predators won't last. And I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing. The Supreme Court thinks the same way. They don't make rulings for temporary shifts in public sentiment. And they definitely don't join witch hunts. Hopefully (I'll have to check the history books on that one). Or if they have in the past, maybe they learned from it.

I like my Supreme Court a bit old and out of touch. You don't want them trendy cause their rulings will last way beyond your little pet project.

By the way, they know much more about the law than most two-bit senators with constituencies to answer to. They've spent their entire adult lives contemplating legal issues, how much have we?

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

No. I'd rather tell you in person. I'll tell you when I see you tonight.

So why did you bring it up now? You could've just told me later and not have me wonder about what the hell you have to say for the whole afternoon.

What's the big deal?

The big deal is I don't know if you got diagnosed with cancer or if you bought a new pair of Seven jeans. If you want to break up or get married. Maybe you want to confess that you've been cheating on me or that you think I'm cheating on you. This is gonna eat me up all day.

I don't have cancer.

Ughh. Why do I even try.

Wait... cheating?

It was just an example.

Why would you even bring that up?

Ugh goddammit. I was just saying that I have no idea about what you might want to talk about.

Why would cheating even come in your mind? ARE you cheating on me??

I hate my life.

Why do girlfriends torture us like this??????

Our boss once told us that he had an announcement that he was gonna make at the end of the week. Everyone ran around crazy trying to figure it out. They asked me why I didn't care. Maybe it's cause my ex's tortured me so much that I erase what people say now when they tell me I'll find out later.

I haven't been excited about hearing what anyone's had to say since 1999. Thanks girls (sarcasm?).

Sunday, March 02, 2008

I don't like trying to convince people to watch movies. I find that movies are best appreciated when they are found. And nobody should sit through 2 hours of something they don't like just because it's supposed to be important.

BUT... you should watch 'King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters.' It's a documentary about guys trying to conquer the world record for the arcade game Donkey Kong.

Now I know what your probably saying, I said the same thing. Why in the world would I want to watch middle-aged men play Donkey Kong? I'll tell ya. It's all about the filmmaking. Whoever made it, knows what they're doing. And the story is a classic tale of a little guy taking on the big boss superstar champion. It's good.

I'm that sure that everyone in the free-thinkers universe will enjoy it.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

And a man sat alone...Drenched deep in sadnessAnd all the animals drew near to him and said:We do not like to see you so sadAsk us for whatever you wish and you shall have it.

The man said I want to have good sight.The vulture replied: "You shall have mine."The Man said: "I want to be strong."The jaguar said: "You shall be strong like me."The Man said: "I long to know the secrets of the earth."The serpent replied: "I will show them to you."And so it went with all the animals.And when the man had all the gifts they could give; he left.

Then the owl said to the other animals: "Now the man knows much and is able to do many things. Suddenly I am afraid."The deer said: "The Man has all that he needs.Now his sadness will stop."

But the owl replied: "No. I saw a hole in the man.Deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want. He will go on taking and taking. Until one day the world will say: "I am no more and I have nothing left to give."

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Ah Britney. She's lost it. Dr. Drew says that we might have another Anna Nicole on our hands if we don't do anything. That paps are going to keep following her if we keep watching, and we'll keep watching if the paps keep following her. Vicious cycle that ends when...?

I'm just wondering if we can stop making fun of her now? I know we like seeing rich, successful people fail, but seriously?

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Denzel Washington... put the camera DOWN. You can act your ass off, but you can't direct to save your life.

Seriously, the fact that this was a 'black' movie has helped MR. Washington with the critics. They would NEVER give a white director this much praise for directing like that. Terrible over-acting, rushed sequences, murky story development. It was a mess.

Golden Globe nomination for best picture? You've got to be out of your tree-hugging, socialist-loving, white-guilt-riddled minds! The Great Debaters has a few interesting scenes and some decent social commentary. At best, it is a mildly interesting socio-pic (my word; can't nick it).

At least the white guilt wasn't bad enough to warrant a best director nod. Even that would've been too much for those hippies.

Thank God for Protestantism, huh???? Martin Luther said who do you priests think you are; you can't be the only interpreters of God's revelation. Every man, woman (sometimes), and child should be able to hear from God themselves.

Maybe the priests had a point.

(January 8, 2008)--Friends and family of a 21-year-old who East Texas woman police say was killed and mutilated by her boyfriend tried to put aside the grisly details of her death.

Friends of Jana Shearer continue posting tributes and goodbyes on what appeared to be her MySpace page.

Police say Shearer appeared to have died from blunt trauma to her head. story