A most original tagline used to promote this quintessential “nudie cutie.” Better yet, listen to what Criswell, the fabulously unreliable prophet has to say – “I am Criswell. For years, I have told the almost unbelievable, related the unreal and showed it to be more than a fact. Now I tell a tale of the threshold people, so astounding that some of you may faint.”

Hip couple Bob (William Bates) and Shirley (Pat Barrington, Agony of Love, 1966) head out to the local cemetery to dig up inspiration for a ghost story. Tipping its hat to its Edward D. Wood Jr.- penned script, these scenes alternate between day and night in the manner of his Plan Nine from Outer Space (1959). Pulling up to the boneyard, they are introduced to the “Emperor” (Criswell under any other name) and the “Black Ghoul” (Fawn Silver, a Vampira wannabe) who tie the two up for an evening of supernatural fun ‘n’ games.

What we get in Orgy of the Dead is a series of “interpretive dances” from some cut-rate dancers in what amounts, to what another scribe described as just a “tasteless tit show.” This forgotten author, from a long forgotten Eighties fanzine added another bon mot worth repeating: That all the strippers gave the transvestite Wood the unfettered opportunity to squeeze his big business into their discarded costumes.

We get a Slave dance, a Mexican dance, a Skeleton dance and the piece de resistance: the Buxotic Barringer doing double duty as a dancer gilded in gold, in yet another no-budget homage to Shirley Eaton’s turn in Goldfinger (1964). Some brutally unfunny guys dressed as the Werewolf and the Mummy crack some lame jokes and everything clears up with the coming of the dawn.

It’s a term that’s overused in describing older films, but Orgy of the Dead is definitely a “relic” of a bygone era. The film, along with Apostolof’s other films came at a time when any film where a girl dropped her top had paying theatrical audiences lining up around the block. Apostolof’s other films, Suburbia Confidential (1966) and Office Love-In (1968) benefit from a camera mounted on a tripod and pretty gals, but little else. His films lack the depth and manic appeal of his contemporaries such as Joe Sarno and Russ Meyer. Scenes of men with firmly belted pants climbing into bed with topless girls who then mimic unconvincing lovemaking make up the bulk of his film’s runtimes. Since Apostolof kept Wood on payroll and vodka, some unconventional sexuality would pop up every now and then in his features, but overall his cinematic conservatism reflected his humble roots as a Bulgarian expatriate trying to make good in America.

There is a bit of history between this writer and Apostolof. Under the recommendation of filmmaker Anna (The Love Witch, 2017) Biller, who I likened to Apsotolof with her frequent use of medium shots, a film crew all the way from Bulgaria traveled to my abode for a filmed interview. The resultant documentary, Dad Made Dirty Movies (2011, directed by Jordan Todorov) has received extensive cable TV play in such far-off places such as Australia and Hong Kong. My interview segments are interspersed throughout, usually humorous asides surrounding the innocuous nature of Apostolof’s output. I’m ashamed that my usual chatty self was not up to the task. To this reviewer, Apostolof was never good or bad enough to warrant study.

Vinegar Syndrome’s Blu-Ray/DVD combo of Orgy of the Dead transfers all the scorching colors of the original intact, making for an ocular orgy unto itself. The chief extra is a commentary track with Ed Wood biographer Rudolph Grey and director Frank Henenlotter. Most of the material trod upon will be familiar to most sleaze film fanatics, although one tidbit – that Bela Lugosi’s Dracula cape from Abbott & Costello Meet Frankenstein (1948) is worn by Criswell in the film, is new to this reviewer. An interview with dancer Nadejda Dobrev, “Impressions of Nadejda,” tells of how she was essentially tricked into appearing in the film, but who now has no regrets. “Orgy of the Ted” is a less-than three minute interview with the late exploitation maven Ted V. Mikels about his brief association with the feature.

A product of bygone burly-cue productions and American’ then current “monster craze,” Orgy of the Dead continues its samba through the graveyard before the startled eyes of a long-jaded public. Criswell, who heavily promoted the film on Johnny Carson’s late-night chat program “The Tonight Show” – imagine being a befuddled TV viewer being admonished to see something called Orgy of the Dead? – sums it up verily: “Torture, torture, it pleasures me.”

November 14, 2017

Kevin, Jeff, and Dalyn discuss the horrible stories of abuse coming out of Hollywood, stand-up comedy, and the adult film industry. They also discuss Tucson Comic-Con, a podcast mini-series from Jon Ronson, and a "comedian" that stops in for a thankfully short visit.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.

Cinema Head Cheese is sponsored by Bunny 17 Media. Use the code CHC and get 15% off of all books, ebooks, and more. We are also sponsored MoviePass. See unlimited movies at a theater near you for a low monthly rate.

November 11, 2017

I actually volunteered to review this. I just don’t know who I am anymore...

Space Boobs in Space begins with a blonde, busty, plastic-bustier wearing crew person, I guess, reviewing a missive from...wherever. The message is pretty clear: don’t watch the file we’ve included on this disc.

THEN WHY INCLUDE IT???

Anyway, she watches it. It’s basically a copy of an alien talk show, Space Talk, hosted by the green skinned Zee Zee Poof. This particular episode is all about the film, Space Boobs in Space, a collaboration between her species and Earthlings. But not just that! Included are a handful of short films, again made with the Earthlings, as well as interviews with cast and crew.

SBiS tells us the alien race is desperate for human breast milk because their own green titty drink makes them live longer with less fine lines and wrinkles. They’ve had to curb their sexual reproduction, for crying out loud! They lure Earthlings to their planet where they reap the benefits of Earth’s dirty pillows and in exchange, Earth gets the Irilidian green boobie juice and all its health benefits.

The short films in between the talk show’s interviews include: "Operate" (a woman hires a hooker to play the game, Operation, against her hoo-ha), "A Killer Deal" (real estate agent trying to sell some land to Jason Voorhees), "Horror Hands" (woman gets a call from a killer in her house then her hands create dramatic music with everything she touches), "Cheesecake" (woman eating cheesecake seductively in a bathtub shot exploitation style), "Horror of Sandy Creek" (guy filming a documentary about a mud monster), "Ghosted" (dead woman helps living woman NOT become a victim), and finally "Lapdance at the Gates of Hell" (stripper gives vampire a lapdance).

Then we return to the opening mammary madame, she finishes watching the file, grabs some kind of laser rifle, and walks off screen.

I, uh...yeah.Oh, wait. Can't forget the final wrap up with Grand Dame Muff Tit (Ming Vase Dynasty) with 10 minutes of absolutely annoying, useless, rage-inducing filler of bullshit just so she can have more screen time (that's my guess anyway because there's nothing funny or entertaining about it at all).

The entire premise is completely ridiculous, silly, asinine, campy, tongue-in-cheek, satirical, and boobilicious. But there’s no nudity. If you’re looking for full-frontal, simulated sex, or anything above PG-13, you won’t find it here. I couldn’t find a lot of info on the cast of SBiS but I’m 98% sure they’re all Burlesque performers. It’s all about the tease and the titillation, not the reveal.

Starring actresses like Dee Flowered (also one of the writers), Pandora Disaster, Tittiana Sprinkles, and Cocquette De Jour, you just KNOW this is gonna be fun. Mostly, anyway.

While the acting is horrendous, especially from Ming Vase Dynasty (the lone drag queen as far as I could tell), the stories were mostly enjoyable. My favorite had to be "A Killer Deal". Best acting and probably the funniest premise of all the shorts. "Ghosted" was a little predictable and "Horror Hands" just made me shake my head. The rest were pretty good.

The overall film’s pace was decent but it did start to slow down around the Mud Monster vignette. I found myself getting a bit bored as the same style played out over and over in each section (short, major film, talk show). I mean it’s nice to have ice cream every night but what would be even better is to throw in a brownie or maybe some pie (heh) every now and again.

Overall, this was kind of fun to watch. The jokes were silly, the ideas playful, and the titties WERE glorious.

What happened when the Pink Panther stepped on an anthill? Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant ... The characters in Dead Ant miss this obvious and very old joke but they do manage to cough up every other joke every which way.

“Sonic Grave,” a long-in-the-tooth Hollywood hair band with one hit to their name head out to Joshua Tree before hitting the comeback trail before playing the “Nochella Festival,” (group manager Danny, played by Tom Arnold explains that he couldn’t swing the band into Coachella). Seeking musical inspiration of the chemical persuasion, they score some mescaline from Native American fruit stand operator Bigfoot (Michael Horse) who warns them is that they disrespect the land that they will be dealt with most severely. Our group gobbles the drugs underneath the desert skies, and the band’s roadie takes a wicked whizz on a fire ant. Bad move! The ants confront our heroes the following morning, progressively growing in size after each setback. Will Sonic Grave make it to the Nochella Festival with an army of pissed-upon and very pissed off giant fire ants on their tail? Well, what do you think?

October 14, 2017

Several years ago an aspiring filmmaker approached me with his latest opus, an apocalyptic zombie comedy featuring a tough-talking gumshoe. Slipping the disc into my entertainment system, the project was as good as it sounded. Billing itself as horror, the two-hour plus feature relied on long passages of dialogue, under-lit photography that faded away into total darkness for extended periods, gags that weren’t funny, characters who ware annoying – and zombies who showed up ten minutes prior to the ending – before the film ended promising a “Part 2.” Hesitant to review the project as I didn’t want to discourage young filmmakers, I let the auteur to-be know about my concerns and how I couldn’t recommend his film. His reply tipped his hand: “It’s a grindhouse movie! It’s supposed to be terribly done!”

Stop that right there, mister. Grindhouse and exploitation movies are by and large quickly and inexpensively made, but a good deal of thought and time goes into them. There are usually made by seasoned professional or young filmmakers out to make a name for themselves, and they come to the ring with good intentions. Anyone who enters a project with a deliberately dumbed-down attitude – acting as if the film at hand is beneath them and will wink broadly at the audience to underscore the fact defeats his purpose and insults his audience.

These thoughts came to mind while watching Adam Rifkin’s – hiding under the nom de plume of “Rif Coogan,” Psycho Cope Returns. Don’t get me wrong, this is actually a sprightly and entertaining exploitation film. To wit, a group of yuppie nerds plan on a totally rad bachelor party after hours in their office building. It’s their rotten luck that Officer Joe Vickers (Robert R. Shafer), serial killer and satanic cop overhears their plans at a nearby coffee shop. In short order, Vickers follows the hapless office drones back to their building and makes short work of the partygoers. A trio of strippers arrive, the security officer is paid off, the booze is broken out and the party begins. Things go from bad to worse, as Vickers stalks his prey and people start getting offed. The actors are hammy, the jokes are funny, the girls are pretty, the violence is shocking – everyone has a good time regardless.

A late-to-the-party slasher that delivers, Psycho Cop Returns arrived as the Friday the 13th series was sufficiently neutered by this point, and the Nightmare on Elm Street series began cloaking its violence in surrealistic dream and fantasy sequences. Psycho Cop Returns plays its kills with gusto, with lots and lots of Ragu Sauce on display.

However – as the commentary track on this Vinegar Syndrome Blu-Ray DVD release reveals, as moderated by Elijah Drenner and director “Rif Coogan” – aka Adam Rifkin, the parties involved thought they were “slumming.” Having met Rifkin in person, I can vouch that he is a nice guy, but his commentary track goes at length about how he thought this film would hurt his vaunted career if the truth ever came out.

Let’s back up here. Rifkin’s career is marked with lots of kooky and idiosyncratic projects, but one would hesitate calling them either “mainstream” or “good.” Rifkin’s first film The Dark Backward (1989), starring Judd Nelson as a benighted nightclub comedian who begins to get serious attention after a third arm begins growing out of his back is distinguished as a comedy bereft of humor. The Nutty Nut (1992), his follow-up feature, was a likewise laugh-deprived feature that wasn’t awarded a theatrical release.

From the artful, such as Night at the Golden Eagle (2001) to mainstream dreck as Dog Years (2017), Rifkin’s film are at best a mediocre lot. To talk down to his audience in such a fashion o this track leaves a lingering disappointment.

September 23, 2017

As The Disaster Artist trailer was just released, Kevin
Moyers shares an old interview with Greg Sestero about his book The Disaster Artist: My
Life Inside The Room. They discuss what it's like to tour with Tommy
Wiseau, writing and touring for a book and Greg's upcoming projects.

Click here to listen or right click and choose "Save Link As..." to download.