Not all relationships function the same. Just because someone’s relationship functions differently than yours, it doesn’t necessarily mean that is bad.

With that understanding in mind, let’s break down how intimacy in real life is different than intimacy in movies {or I guess media in general}.

Sometimes you have to plan times for connecting with your spouse

I can just picture that scene in a movie where the guy wipes off his desk and they “spur of the moment” have sex. HA! It’s not really like that.

While there are many moments that it’s awesomely fun, exciting, and spicy, for the most part, it’s not going to happen randomly anywhere and everywhere. Sometimes it takes a little bit of planning.

It takes longer

Sometimes Hollywood does a great job at speeding up the progression of sex… like really fast. Sometimes in real life, it isn’t always that fast. What I mean by that is that sometimes you have to “get in the mood”.

I actually don’t think this is a bad thing. It allows you as a couple extra time to connect and be in the right mindset.

Intimacy takes work

Have you seen that clip in “how does she do it?” with Sarah Jessica Parker where the hubby goes into the bathroom to get ready and Sara Jessica Parker falls asleep on the bed in the mean time? {it’s like second :42 – :48 in the clip below}

haha.

Intimacy in real life takes work; prepping, getting in the mood, and clean up.

Hollywood doesn’t always share those parts.

Kids

Oh boy. The difference between having kids and not having kids is a double edge sword when it comes to intimacy.

On one end you have no distractions, intimacy is much easier to achieve. You can have sex anytime, anywhere in the house, and not worry about your mini “ticking bombs” going off!!

Yet on the other hand, you don’t quite understand the pure joy, the incredibly deep, complete sacredness of intimacy until you have kids. Because YOU made those kids together, with God. That knowledge and understanding bonds and fuels the deep fire of intimacy.

Feeling Safe

A lot of the time movies portray sex as this almost dirty, self-pleasing act that is done to “win” or prove that somehow you were conquered. The sexual encounter is not to be remembered or cherished, yet to be a one time pleasing act.

Yet intimacy in real life is much, much different than that. The amount of security and safety I feel in the arms of my husband is very deep. I’m not sure how to explain it. I think it’s because you are so vulnerable and trusting with this person that you know will take care of you and that you know loves you so deep.

The level of connection is much deeper than any movie portrays

Another thing Hollywood can’t quite make you understand is the deep level of connection you feel with your spouse because of intimacy. Your brain physically has a change; the limbic system within the brain is flooded with a surge of neurochemicals – these are the chemical messengers that forge emotions, feelings of attachment and even love.

Intimacy in real life is sacred

Intimacy between a man and a women in the bonds of marriage is a very sacred responsibility that must be held with the upmost respect.

What is your take away from this?

If you aren’t married, set your expectations that intimacy in marriage is different than what you see in the media.

If you are married, set your expectations that intimacy in marriage is different than what you see in the media. Don’t compare your marital romance to what you see in movies, tv shows, or hear in songs. It’s not the same because that’s fake.

Your homework?

If you aren’t married, study how to find the perfect match for you! It will make sure you are making the right decisions before you choose your spouse.

If you are married, make sure you check out the 10 absolutely best marriage tips {coming from the wife of a marriage and family therapist!}. These will help you strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

This article was submitted to the following link parties: Mommy Moments

24 Comments

Thank you Roxanne 🙂 Sometimes we take a shot in the dark and share out thoughts, not knowing if people will agree or completely see things differently. Even though we should always stand by what we believe, sometimes it can be hard to think you might be standing alone. Glad to know I’m not totally alone on this one.

What needed writing! The same thing can be said for mindless love stories. I’ve counselled young wives that have read so many they think their husbands should be just like the heros of the books. Yes, intimacy in real life is sacred.

oh so true!! the idea of what men are in love stories compared to real life is totally the same concept. simply put, it’s just not reality. Such great perspective, thank you for reading and taking the time to comment Pamela!!

Hi Britni! I love this post! You’re so honest and everything is really spot on! I really want my readers to know about this too! I want to share this in my weekly series called “Roll Out The Red Carpet Thursday” – I share bloggers’ amazing posts that I’ve found during the week. I hope that’ ok! Have a great night!

Yes, it most definitely is a change! Not bad, but just a change! I jumped over to your site because the title caught my eye, I was curious as to what you meant by “in due time”. Your story is very touching. I’m excited you stopped by, I look forward to reading more of your articles and getting to know you more. Thank you, Caroline for commenting!

An interesting read. Hollywood can be damaging to our younger generation and set unrealistic expectations, as well as minimize commands God gave us. (I can’t think of many movies where the couple saves themselves for marriage…)
Here’s another thing that Hollywood gets wrong: 20 years later (and many more I anticipate), he can still curl your toes. God designed Eve perfect for Adam. The bible states Adam was 100 years old when he had his first child–obviously still attracted to Eve, eh? Intimacy in marriage is a gift–and with nurturing, it can and should remain as such.

I know I really struggled with this at the beginning of our marriage. I had been bombarded with all these ideas about what it should be like, more than I realized, and my ridiculous expectations were far from the reality. After a lot of frustration and talking with my wonderful hubby, I was able to readjust those expectations and value our intimacy for what it really was and not what I’d pictured it to be. It’s great to read a post like this to know that I was not alone.

Oh I love what you said “and talking to my wonderful hubby”!! Such a good thing to be able to communicate with our hubbies about our sex life. It’s such a difficult thing to talk about yet it is so crucial!! I’m really glad you were both able to learn together what your intimate life means to you as a couple. That will bond you two for years to come. So glad we were on the same page. <3

Yeah, it’s crazy what advancements we have these days in the media to change/alter/photoshop anything. I was so surprised the day I learned that not only can they photoshop pictures but they can photoshop videos too. So so crazy. You really have to have the companionship of the Holy Ghost to be able to clearly see what to believe and what not to. It’s a scary thought for our young children; but it makes me square my shoulders and realize I have a lot to teach my two beautiful kiddos.

😀 haha yes. It’s crazy the different perspective guys get vs girls get from media. and then to compare that with how sex really is. haha. much different. It’s so important to be able to talk to your spouse it all because if not it can be super confusing and frustrating!
So glad you stopped by Iris, thank you!!

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