Who can forget Mailgate, when the paper's managing editor, Lawrie Sear, left stacks of paperwork unguarded in an empty office. The files were looted and their contents, including embarrassing details about the amount paid to senior columnists, leaked to Private Eye. Sear escaped with a mild admonishment, but Diary hears he has just had a swipe card system installed in his own office to prevent further snooping. The words 'stable', 'door' and 'bolted' spring to mind.

Lobby's full of hot air

War has broken out in the lobby, where daily and Sunday hacks are fighting over the labyrinthine network of offices they are forced to share in the House of Commons. Daily lobby hacks are attempting to have their Sunday counterparts thrown out on the grounds that they don't make enough use of the limited space provided. The Times has even produced a study to show how little time their Sunday counterparts spend at their desks. 'It doesn't make us look too good,' said one. Perhaps that's because the audit was carried out on a Monday - day of rest for all Sunday journalists.

Damien's cheque mate

Damien McCrystal, one of the hapless hacks who got their marching orders from the Evening Standard 's Veronica Wadley last week, is sanguine about the prospect of spending more time with his family. McCrystal, a former Observer columnist, Sunday Business bon vivant, Telegraph diarist and Sun City editor, said: 'It was the most gentlemanly and elegant redundancy I've ever had, and I've had quite a few.' Many of his previous pay-offs have ended up in the tills of bars, public houses and restaurants across the country, so we just hope the Standard has had the good sense to make the cheque payable to his lovely wife Amanda, crossed and marked 'account payee only'.

Howard's end away

Tory leader Michael Howard may not have offered William Hague a post in the Shadow Cabinet, but he has taken a leaf out of his predecessor's book. Howard has given his first extensive interview to Esquire. Hague, you may remember, gave an interview to lads' mag Loaded in which he boasted of downing 14 pints of bitter a day in his youth. Howard has committed a far more serious faux pas, telling Esquire he likes football far more than rugby. 'I'm going to get into terrible trouble here. I can feel that,' he says, with one eye on the rugger-loving Tory vote. Perhaps he should be more concerned about the articles he is sandwiched between, which include 'Why are the Germans so Kinky?', 'The boys can't help it' (about sex addiction) and a lengthy piece on the joys of oral sex. Whatever will the blue-rinse brigade think?

Taking the Mickey?

The highlight of the Esquire piece, however, is a quote from Boris Johnson in which the Spectator editor takes the art of brown-nosing to new heights. 'People are sick of Tony Blair and his synthetic charisma. Michael Howard embodies radical chic. He's tremendous. He's brilliant. He's charismatic.' After a front-bench post, Boris?

Titmus test at Virgin

Diary hears that the career of that delicate flower Abi Titmus, one-time partner of John Leslie and, er, several others, goes from strength to strength. The former nurse turned presenter of late-night adult entertainment programmes has been offered a slot on Virgin Radio. 'She's a Virgin sort of girl,' says a spokesman, 'Not literally of course.'