Withey: Dreading the race to potty-train the toddler

The iPotty for iPad potty training device was on display recently at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. No app is available to go with the trainer, but the idea is to keep the child on the toilet for as long as necessary by keeping them digitally entertained.

Photograph by: Julie Jacobson
, The Associated Press

EDMONTON - Potty.

Just typing that five-letter word gives me the willies.

I know I’m supposed to enjoy every minute with my son but I’d really, REALLY like to fast-forward through the toilet-training stage, which is about to descend on my household and disturb the diaper-clad peace.

At two-and-a-third, my son has officially entered the potty-trainable demographic. But even though most of his little daycare friends have crossed the great divide, and even though he loves to flush and play with the toilet paper, my boy has zero interest in doing his business on the proverbial throne. “I want fresh diaper!” he shouts as soon as we remove the soggy one from overnight.

Rewards, people tell me. Give him stickers, give him toy cars, give him lollipops and balloons. Let him play on an iPad while he sits, they suggest, treat him to superhero gotch.

I’ve told him how fabulous it is, living diaper-free. I’ve stressed the cool factor of big-boy underwear, how handy “I have to go to the bathroom” can be when you’re trying to escape from chores, or stay awake late. But toddlers don’t like it when you mess with their routine, and they certainly don’t want to be told they have to sit still on a green plastic pot waiting for a tinkle or plop.

“Is he interested?” people ask. Curious, yes. We talk frequently about bodily excretions. The dog logs in the backyard are a great conversation starter, and we’ve got a robust toilet-lit section on the lower bookshelves. My child gets the concept, but when I suggest he experiment, he simply shakes his head and laughs at me. Don’t be preposterous, Mommy, I’d much rather pee in this warm bathtub!

A gal finds herself trawling pediatric websites, scrolling down lists of signs a child is ready. Can he stay dry in diapers for several hours in a row? Does he have regular, predictable bowel movements? Can he follow one or two simple instructions? Can he pull his pants up and down?

From the sounds of it, he’s not quite there yet. Which is a relief. Because it’s not just the fact he isn’t ready. His MOTHER isn’t ready.

The more I think about it, the more I wring my hands. I’m the optimist in my household but I’m convinced my toddler is far more obstinate than all other toddlers who’ve ever walked the face of this Earth, that toilet-training will be this huge exercise in frustration that will see my teeth ground down to the gums, and have my son hating me. I’m not usually one to shrink away in the face of adversity, but as soon as people ask if I’ve started potty training, I get this sharp pain in my left eye and find myself rocking back and forth like a laboratory monkey.

I berate myself for being lazy, for procrastinating, for not believing my son can do this. Why this level of dread? I guess it’s the fact that change means work, discomfort, more work. It feels like yesterday I was getting a handle on how to change a tiny diaper on a preemie’s bottom; now, just when my family’s in a groove, we’re meant to evolve, to keep up with the potty-trained Joneses. You barely have a chance to get used to one phase before another is hurled your way.

And there’s pressure. Early childhood development is irritatingly competitive. Everyone wants to know how old your kid is, and what they can do, so they can compare to their own kid, as if the first one to pee in a toilet is going to be the next Mozart. You try to tune it all out but it’s hard not to, because, even though every kid is different, no one wants their child to come last, heaven forbid, get labelled with the D word: delayed.

There’s a stigma with having an older toddler who isn’t toilet-trained. I’ve judged other parents, unfairly, for having a three- or four-year-old who’s still in diapers, as if it somehow means doom. Now, standing on the edge of the toilet bowl, bracing myself to dive in with my son, my face is flushed with remorse and empathy and compassion. Toilet training may prove a headache, but parenthood is good for you.

Calling all parents

What are the issues are affecting your household? Do you know of an Edmonton-area family with an unusual story? Which parenting topics would you like to read about? E-mail ewithey@edmontonjournal.com with your ideas.

Story Tools

The iPotty for iPad potty training device was on display recently at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. No app is available to go with the trainer, but the idea is to keep the child on the toilet for as long as necessary by keeping them digitally entertained.

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