The Pain…and the Good…of Still

Lately I’ve struggled, even as a writer for God-sized Dreams, with actual dreaming.

Life is just busy.

The day-to-day often gets in the way of chasing down the big hopes and plans I wish I could accomplish NOW, and I feel the pain of being still in the dreams I so badly want to come true.

I wrote these words several years ago, and today, they are an encouragement as I wait on those dreams and, instead, live out the life God has for me in this season. Maybe you find yourself in a season of stillness, too…and if so, I hope there will be some reminders and truths here that you can cling to today.

People who know me well…well, they know a lot of things about me.

And one of them is that me + ferries (as in, the boat kind) don’t get along.

At all.

It really all started back in 2006…and probably before, but I just didn’t know it. 😉

My husband and I were living and working overseas in Indonesia. We did okay financially, but we didn’t have a lot of extra money to do extravagant things often. However, we made it a point to travel over each Christmas break since, at that time of year, it was far too expensive to go back to the States. We had fun…Bali, other parts of Java, the beach.

And one year…Thailand.

Oh, my friend Becky and I had the most incredibly fun time planning that trip. We started in October to be sure that we could find the best possible deals on absolutely everything…from hotels to quick, in-country flights, to even leaving the country.

You see, in Indonesia, non-residents who are residents (if that makes any sense) have to pay every time they leave the country. $100. And on our salary, that was a lot.

But Becky and I discovered that by taking an in-country flight to Batam and, from there, taking a ferry to Singapore, we’d only have to pay $50 each.

Score.

With that, and some good bargain-hunting skills, we managed to book our entire trip…eight flights and two ferry rides per person…for around $350 each. Not bad. 🙂

We flew into Batam late on a Friday and found a place to crash for the night. The next morning we took a taxi down to the ferry terminal, had some coffee and pastries, and bought our tickets for the ferry.

All was happy happy…because I had ZERO clue as to what was coming. None.

I should have known, really…I mean motion sickness is one of my NON-love languages. If I’m not sitting in the front of the car, I’m usually sick, and I’m not making that up. Maybe I just forgot because the joy and anticipation of traipsing through Thailand for two weeks with our best friends took over…there was nothing not to love.

And for the first ten minutes on the ferry, I was good.

We were laughing, joking, dreaming about all the shopping. (‘Cause Becky and I both adore a good market where our bartering skills can be tested to the limits.) 😉

And then…it hit. The nausea, the headache, the chills…the awareness of the garbage can just two meters from me.

I literally slumped down in my seat, rested my head on my hubby, and prayed to God that I wouldn’t lose my breakfast in front of the other…oh, I don’t know…TWO HUNDRED passengers.

It worked for awhile. I lasted another half hour, to the point where we could see the Singapore shore off in the distance. A bit of relief may have crept in here.

Suddenly, the boat stopped.

Secretly, I hoped there was a hidden port behind us that I’d somehow missed.

Haha…I know, I know.

Nope, apparently the coast guard was doing a standard stop/checkpoint, which was understandable…just NOT APPRECIATED…by this girl. Not to freak anyone out, but those waters aren’t pirate-free. They’re pretty safe…but there are never any guarantees.

There was a part of me that was thankful we were stopping, but I quickly learned that it was much WORSE when we stopped. No forward motion to counteract the waves meant the ferry was just going up and down.

And up and down and up and down.

And up.

And down.

Any motion sickness I’d felt before was magnified by about six-thousand and fourteen times.

I was pretty sure I was going to die during those ten minutes…which felt like ten months.

I managed to keep it all in, but I’m sure my skin was visibly green…and the first thing I did when I stepped off that ferry (after I’d heaved into the garbage can) was almost-crawl to a corner near the line for customs, curl up into a ball, and wait for my turn to budge in line to join my traveling buddies…or my impending death, whichever came first.

But you know what, friends? I survived.

It wore off within twenty minutes. By the time we caught a cab to California Pizza Kitchen, I was much better and ready to order my usual along with unlimited Diet Coke refills.

I tell you this story for two reasons.

First, everyone loves a good Indo story, especially with Mel at her finest. Kidding, kidding. 😉

Second, and the real reason…because there’s a lot of truth wrapped up in my little ferry journey between Indonesia and Singapore.

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About Mel Schroeder

Mel is a follower of her Father, wife to Tobin, mama to Mae and Mac, a friend. She loves music, running, long chats over coffee, and could probably live on dark chocolate. A dreamer who loves everything from swinging on vines in the jungle and surfing, to dancing through her days with her sweet girl and heart-spilling on her blog, she takes each step of the ever-winding journey with faith that her Father has it all planned for good. She's working on her first book that recounts the hilarious and heart-changing moments from the years she and her hubby spent in Indonesia. However, her dreams go beyond book-writing. Mel believes that doing whatever He's planned for this beautiful life she's been given is her biggest dream of all. Mel blogs at A Barefoot Life and can be found on Facebook and Twitter.

I’m usually the queen of the “too long” comment, going on (honestly) about how much I identify with a post, but today all I have is tears running down my face. Your words hit so close to home. Such pain in the current journey, so hard to be still, so badly just wanting to get to the other side and still no sight of land. Thank you for the reminder that He has it all – including my tears.

I love how you bring your stories to life for us and make us feel as if we took the journey with you! I hate being still too, but it’s there I find my peace and direction. So much can be learned from those painful parts of our journey’s…but oh, how it stinks at the time!!

It’s funny because I wasn’t really at a super-still season of life when I wrote this. And, yet, right now…SO much still. I’m learning to look for the peace and direction, but yes…it’s hard. I’m so grateful for my amazing tribe of women who love on me, even in those moments of waiting and wondering and just not being sure. You are a gift, friend…so thankful for you! 🙂

So painful, so still right now. I’m being very honest with God in my prayers- asking, expecting him to do the unexpected. We have prayed so long, to not see things get much better but, in fact, get a little worse. It’s difficult to keep going in spite of and through the pain, but what choice do I have? Looking for land here as well…

Sending hugs today, Beth…I mentioned this in an earlier comment, but when I wrote this, I was only kind-of in a season of stillness. Today, I feel like I’m waiting and wondering and just trying to pray through it all…hoping He’s show me what’s next soon. Trusting for you that God has something amazing planned, better than you can even imagine…and that you’ll see land soon. Praying for you today, friend.

This is the perfect analogy, Mel! Oh, I’m sorry you were so sick, but the lessons you explained here are so true and important. Thank for helping me understand better and remind me that hope (relief?) is waiting on the other side. I also love learning more about you through your Indo stories 🙂 Xoxo

Oh I just love you! Thank you for your words. Yesterday was pretty much a ferry ride for me. But this morning He reminded me of a precious gift an even more precious friend gave me that is securely “fastened around my neck” and close to my heart 🙂 thankful.

That brought tears to my eyes, my friend…you are a blessing. I’m sorry for the ferry ride you had yesterday…praying that His peace will overtake you today. He has good plans for you…and they are beautiful ones, I just know it! 🙂 Love to you!

Oh my goodness. That is it exactly. The long painful, nauseating journey punctuated by stillness and more nausea. I wish I couldn’t relate to this so much. Oh how I wish I could just enjoy your beautiful writing from afar. But I am right there with you on the bobbing ferry.

“There are times when the journey is just painful. ” This is not something I wanted to hear but I really needed to hear it today. I have been on a little ‘ferry ride’ myself lately. Thank you for reminding that this to shall pass and there is reward (Diet Coke is a reward, right) in the end.

Diet Coke is most definitely a reward. Anxiously waiting for October and the chance to sit down together with two of them for a chat In. Real. Life. (I almost just got up and did a cartwheel in my living room, but it’s not really big enough for that!) 🙂 Love you, sweet friend!

Mel, I always love Indo stories 🙂 different perspective and love to learn more from cross-culture experiences from people like you. Your story is great analogy of how I sometimes wish the pain was just went away, but indeed God helped me to go through it all to see the beuaty of the other side He has prepared for me.

Thanks Mel! What a beautiful story and the lessons, so simple but so profound. I can really relate to your story in the natural and in the spiritual journey. Sometimes God brings us into hopeless situations for us to still and know that He is God 🙂 and most of the time these situations lead us to frustrations but thanks God for His love and grace that mold us to be patient and be humble, then little did we know that we are getting closer to our destination. (Sorry about my English, I am still working on it, because English is my second language :)) God bless you and keep encouraging us!

I’m so glad you stopped by today, Sabrina. 🙂 (And your English is wonderful!) I think you worded it so well…humble may have been the word I was looking for. It was certainly a lesson in humility and admitting a weakness…I’m so thankful that He works, despite the struggles we have! Blessings and hugs today. 🙂

I had that terrible experience when my hubby invited me to go with him on board the ship where he worked and spend two weeks on board. I thought that I wont survive the trip that lasted only a week because I couldnt take it anymore.
Well, like in our lives, we dont want the pain, the trials and the difficulties. But God helps us through them all and we will truly survive at the end.

Great question!
I am still learning to be still and grasp that I am so not in control. I think that’s the lesson in which God is trying his hardest to get me to comprehend! I also hear, “you are enough- just be you and leave the rest to me.”
Release and Rest.

Even though I live on the Maine coast, I’m no seaworthy girl, and I feel your pain! Ugh. (Just your words . . . up and down . . . up and down . . . could make me queasy.)
I just read a great acronym for HOPE in Sue Detweiler’s new book: Hold On – Pain Ends. This is the truth in a nutshell!