The weekend Nielsens are in, and Houstonians are apparently enjoying the last of the summer. Nearly half-a-million households, or 44 percent of TVs in use, were tuned in to the Texans' boring win over the Dolphins. That's not great—worse than all but four games last year. But it's gangbusters compared to the numbers for the Astros, whose Nielsen Ratings were OH GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE.

It generated – if that's the word – a 0.05 rating, which means it was viewed by an average audience of 1,092 households. It only generated a measurable rating in four quarter-hour periods, and it was never viewed during any 15-minute period by more than 0.18 percent of the area's 2.1 million TV households.

The Astros were away that afternoon, so they don't even have the excuse of having 15,000 potential viewers in the stands instead of on their couches. Of course, this doesn't take into account the fans who might have assembled at sports bars to watch the game, but I'm pretty sure putting baseball on the bar TV on football Sunday is an offense worth at least three simultaneous executions in Texas.

There's a bright spot (speaking relatively, of course): this isn't a standard occurrence. The Chronicle says this is the lowest rating since Fox Sports Houston's predecessor started carrying Astros games in the 1980s. It can only go up from here! Or, you know, down.