Local Man Finds Self in Correct Lane Ahead of Time

ATLANTA–Local commuter Brad Vinson had the shock of his life Monday afternoon when he realized that his vehicle was in the correct lane ahead of time. The 37 year old financial analyst and father of two drives his car to and from work as well as on family errands.

The commute to his office usually takes about 32 minutes, time Vinson says he uses productively. “Like any other commuter, while driving I text, check email, Facebook, maybe play a little Candy Crush,” said Vinson. When asked if he also looks at LinkedIn, Vinson said “Hah! What kind of lame ass do you think I am?”

Normally, Mr. Vinson says he’d drive alongside the lane he needed to be in to exit the interstate, then look for someone in that lane to be following the car in front of them at a safe distance. Vinson would then swerve his car into that gap, causing the car behind him to slam hard on the brakes as is the norm, and exit. On the day in question, however, he just happened to focus on the road momentarily when he noticed that everything had changed.

“I don’t know how else to say it. I was in the lane I needed to be in ahead of time,” he said. “I just kinda hung out in that lane, and I didn’t have to swerve in front of anyone. It was crazy. Blew my mind.”

Vinson said he’ll pay more attention to the road in the future.

“Yeah I think tomorrow I’ll check the road a little more so I can skip being in the right lane until the very last second. Endangering others to save me 17 seconds of waiting is my preferred way of doing things,” he said.

In a startling turn, a previously undiscovered living remnant of the Cretaceous period then appeared. An adult Tyrannosaurus Rex smashed down the wall of Vinson’s office building and consumed him bite by painful bite over a period of 15 minutes, during which time Vinson experienced unimaginable pain, suffering, and ultimately death. The dinosaur predator then roared once and thundered away, never to be seen again.

Editor In Chief, Founder, and Admiral of Smugness at The Atlanta Banana, Jim Hodgson has an ass for news. Follow him on twitter at @jimhodgson
He is the author of the hilarious Science Fiction novel Dangerous Dan, available now on Amazon in Kindle and Paperback.