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28 January 2014

My Unnatural History

The fun thing about having a blog is the part where I get to take a lot of pictures of myself and pretend it's "for my blog" when you know perfectly well most times I just blow those photos up and stroke them lovingly. The other interesting thing is that I can see what I was doing every day since 2007. Sometimes I wonder when something happened--but not often because I have one of those freakish memories and it bugs the people who really know me.

"No, you DIDN'T say that in May of 2011. You said it in March of 2009, I remember because I had on the blue boa."

You know it's perfectly possible I was wearing a blue boa at some point. The POINT is, sometimes I wonder when something happened, and I can go here and LOOK IT UP!

Anyway, today I thought I'd see what I was up to on January 28 of years past. Exciting!

January 28, 2013

June reports from her cold. She never drones on when she has a cold. Fortunately.

Hey, how're y'all? I have a cold. I know that when I have a cold, I do not carry on dramatically or anything. Are the lights going out? Is that a tunnel?

Yesterday I slept and splayed histrionically on the couch and blew my nose. It is amazing how many Kleenexes I plowed through, but I have them in droves because my Aunt Mary sent me a bunch, thinking she was hilarious. I have always had the theory that only rich people have Kleenex. I mean, you need a tissue? Why can't you just use toilet paper? You don't need a whole FANCY DIFFERENT form. I said this once when Aunt Mary was visiting, or maybe it was my father and he reported it to her, but anyway neither of them have stopped making fun of me since and for Christmas Aunt Mary sent me, like, six boxes of Kleenex.

I feel so rich. And, truthfully, glad to have all this goddamn Kleenex.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2012

We had our usual routine this morning, where the dogs immediately burst outside like the house is on fire, and then when they hear me feeding the cats, through the wood and the brick and the five rooms from the back yard and the insulation, they want right back in. Then after they eat, the house is apparently aflame again.

In other news, guess what.

Dude, I effing love Latisse. I am unsure if I have touched on this topic enough.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2011

Rockwellin out with my smock out

Wouldn't it have been awful if I'd have driven all the way to Raleigh for that Rockwell exhibit and instead of Norman Rockwell it was that idiot Rockwell, who sang Somebody's Watchin' Me?

Luckily everyone continued to not watch THAT Rockwell and we all looked at Norman Rockwell instead.

After the exhibit, Carpool Queen had to go...carpool, and I had about an hour before I got my roots done. Fortunately I found something to do.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2010

Perhaps you were thinking, "I wonder what June and her household are doing?" sometime around 7:57 p.m. last night. Or, you know, not. Nevertheless, I decided to photograph everyone in their element to see if we could find anything interesting.

We didn't.First of all, here is me. And my, you know, HAIR.

As per usual, Tallulah was .06 centimeters from me, and you know what would be great? Is if I knew how far that actually was.

Winston is in the in box. Of course. And he seems pretty smug about it. "I'm in. Winston is the new black."

Henry was looking regal in his chair, and studiously ignoring his scratching post.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2009

I just finished watching What Not to Wear

Can we please do away with the following phrases?

Comfort zone.

Outside of the box.

Fashion forward.

Push the envelope.

Thank you. I do not mean that we can do away with the phrase "thank you." I'd like to keep that one.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2008

Running and Raleigh

Yesterday, Marvin Gardensalad and I went to Raleigh, because I have never been to Raleigh, and guess what? Turns out I like Raleigh.

It is a real city, with cool shops and Manolo Blahniks and gay men and all the things I require. There was also a man with gray hair and a mohawk, which I think is great. Maybe I'll grow my hair gray, as I have been threatening to do, and then finish off the look with the hawk of the mo.

So, there we were, shopping somewhere cool in Raleigh, when the back of my leg itched because I probably have rickets, which I don't even think is an itchy disease, I just wanted to say rickets.

**********************************************************

There's no blog post for January 28, 2007, but there IS one from January 27. This was back when I had a no-spending blog.

January 27, 2007

The questions on everyone's lips seem to be (a) can I borrow the $2,300 you have already saved (Answer: No) and (b) what on earth did you once spend $2,300 a month on? Funny you should ask.

I added up those old receipts just to see what I spent on back in the day. And guess what? It wasn't food I spent so much on! Which may explain why I haven't lost ONE. SINGLE. POUND. since starting this endeavor.

Here's what it came down to: in November of 2006, I spent $354.47 on gifts for other people (Marvin Gardens and my mother have November birthdays); I spent $349.34 on groceries; I spent a shockingly low $73.06 on eating out (I was trying eDiets, so that sort of explains it); $106.63 on gas and parking; $6.48 on the cats (Francis needed a new collar); and $592.59 on personal stuff for me! $592.59! I sent flowers to myself, I had my eyebrows done at Damone (really the best eyebrow guy -- he is on all the makeover shows), I bought clothes, shoes...GEEZ!

**********************************************************

God, I miss living in LA and getting my eyebrows done by Damone. So, anyway, there it is, everything I've been up to on this day for the last seven years. I wish I hadn't had to see pictures of Henry and Winston. Killing me. And why did I look so awful back in 2010? Man! No WONDER Marvin left me.

I guess that's all I had to tell you. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane. I went to Raleigh on two different January 28ths. That was weird. And remember I told you this story: The time Marvin and I went in 2008, I had this really strong premonition while I was there. I've never had anything like it. But I thought, "The next man I fall in love with lives in this city." And I showed Ned where I HAD that premonition, and he said, "I didn't live far from there." He may have been WALKING BY ME while I thought it!

Comments

My Unnatural History

The fun thing about having a blog is the part where I get to take a lot of pictures of myself and pretend it's "for my blog" when you know perfectly well most times I just blow those photos up and stroke them lovingly. The other interesting thing is that I can see what I was doing every day since 2007. Sometimes I wonder when something happened--but not often because I have one of those freakish memories and it bugs the people who really know me.

"No, you DIDN'T say that in May of 2011. You said it in March of 2009, I remember because I had on the blue boa."

You know it's perfectly possible I was wearing a blue boa at some point. The POINT is, sometimes I wonder when something happened, and I can go here and LOOK IT UP!

Anyway, today I thought I'd see what I was up to on January 28 of years past. Exciting!

January 28, 2013

June reports from her cold. She never drones on when she has a cold. Fortunately.

Hey, how're y'all? I have a cold. I know that when I have a cold, I do not carry on dramatically or anything. Are the lights going out? Is that a tunnel?

Yesterday I slept and splayed histrionically on the couch and blew my nose. It is amazing how many Kleenexes I plowed through, but I have them in droves because my Aunt Mary sent me a bunch, thinking she was hilarious. I have always had the theory that only rich people have Kleenex. I mean, you need a tissue? Why can't you just use toilet paper? You don't need a whole FANCY DIFFERENT form. I said this once when Aunt Mary was visiting, or maybe it was my father and he reported it to her, but anyway neither of them have stopped making fun of me since and for Christmas Aunt Mary sent me, like, six boxes of Kleenex.

I feel so rich. And, truthfully, glad to have all this goddamn Kleenex.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2012

We had our usual routine this morning, where the dogs immediately burst outside like the house is on fire, and then when they hear me feeding the cats, through the wood and the brick and the five rooms from the back yard and the insulation, they want right back in. Then after they eat, the house is apparently aflame again.

In other news, guess what.

Dude, I effing love Latisse. I am unsure if I have touched on this topic enough.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2011

Rockwellin out with my smock out

Wouldn't it have been awful if I'd have driven all the way to Raleigh for that Rockwell exhibit and instead of Norman Rockwell it was that idiot Rockwell, who sang Somebody's Watchin' Me?

Luckily everyone continued to not watch THAT Rockwell and we all looked at Norman Rockwell instead.

After the exhibit, Carpool Queen had to go...carpool, and I had about an hour before I got my roots done. Fortunately I found something to do.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2010

Perhaps you were thinking, "I wonder what June and her household are doing?" sometime around 7:57 p.m. last night. Or, you know, not. Nevertheless, I decided to photograph everyone in their element to see if we could find anything interesting.

We didn't.First of all, here is me. And my, you know, HAIR.

As per usual, Tallulah was .06 centimeters from me, and you know what would be great? Is if I knew how far that actually was.

Winston is in the in box. Of course. And he seems pretty smug about it. "I'm in. Winston is the new black."

Henry was looking regal in his chair, and studiously ignoring his scratching post.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2009

I just finished watching What Not to Wear

Can we please do away with the following phrases?

Comfort zone.

Outside of the box.

Fashion forward.

Push the envelope.

Thank you. I do not mean that we can do away with the phrase "thank you." I'd like to keep that one.

**********************************************************

January 28, 2008

Running and Raleigh

Yesterday, Marvin Gardensalad and I went to Raleigh, because I have never been to Raleigh, and guess what? Turns out I like Raleigh.

It is a real city, with cool shops and Manolo Blahniks and gay men and all the things I require. There was also a man with gray hair and a mohawk, which I think is great. Maybe I'll grow my hair gray, as I have been threatening to do, and then finish off the look with the hawk of the mo.

So, there we were, shopping somewhere cool in Raleigh, when the back of my leg itched because I probably have rickets, which I don't even think is an itchy disease, I just wanted to say rickets.

**********************************************************

There's no blog post for January 28, 2007, but there IS one from January 27. This was back when I had a no-spending blog.

January 27, 2007

The questions on everyone's lips seem to be (a) can I borrow the $2,300 you have already saved (Answer: No) and (b) what on earth did you once spend $2,300 a month on? Funny you should ask.

I added up those old receipts just to see what I spent on back in the day. And guess what? It wasn't food I spent so much on! Which may explain why I haven't lost ONE. SINGLE. POUND. since starting this endeavor.

Here's what it came down to: in November of 2006, I spent $354.47 on gifts for other people (Marvin Gardens and my mother have November birthdays); I spent $349.34 on groceries; I spent a shockingly low $73.06 on eating out (I was trying eDiets, so that sort of explains it); $106.63 on gas and parking; $6.48 on the cats (Francis needed a new collar); and $592.59 on personal stuff for me! $592.59! I sent flowers to myself, I had my eyebrows done at Damone (really the best eyebrow guy -- he is on all the makeover shows), I bought clothes, shoes...GEEZ!

**********************************************************

God, I miss living in LA and getting my eyebrows done by Damone. So, anyway, there it is, everything I've been up to on this day for the last seven years. I wish I hadn't had to see pictures of Henry and Winston. Killing me. And why did I look so awful back in 2010? Man! No WONDER Marvin left me.

I guess that's all I had to tell you. I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane. I went to Raleigh on two different January 28ths. That was weird. And remember I told you this story: The time Marvin and I went in 2008, I had this really strong premonition while I was there. I've never had anything like it. But I thought, "The next man I fall in love with lives in this city." And I showed Ned where I HAD that premonition, and he said, "I didn't live far from there." He may have been WALKING BY ME while I thought it!