Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day.

•Sean Payton's EIU jersey retirement ceremony drunk photo tour rolls on, as J.R. sends us another photo of the Saints coach showing off the ring, and some waist candy. Idea for a recurring feature: Payton's Place, in which we run weekly photos from that one night.

•Today in unexpected authorings, Bill James has a new book on crime in America. Because America has an affinity for rulebreakers, he argues, we should embrace Bonds and Clemens, and assume that Babe Ruth would have doped himself silly, had he had the means. I call dibs on naming the new metric to measure a player's propensity to break the law: Sin Shares.

•The Giants and the Padres are in a virtual tie, with the Rockies just 1.5 back after a Jason Giambi walkoff. Raise your hand if you knew the NL West would be so exciting. Strike that; raise your hand if you thought 81 wins would be enough to take the division.