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Tuesday, July 4, 2017

News:: 5 Star Wars games that would be better with an American Bald Eagle

I don’t like to say this in public or on the internet or in the privacy of my own home because it’s not cool to be patriotic these days, but I fucking love this country. There, I said it. Don’t @ me. I love everything about it. I love the freedom. I love fireworks. I love barbecuing. I love the flag. I love John Phillip Souza. I love basebaZZZzzzzzz…. Oh God, sorry I fell asleep writing the word "baseball" because it’s such a fucking boring sport.

I also love Star Wars. Fuck yeah, Star Wars. I’ve always said if you’re going to live in this universe you better speak Galactic Basic Standard or get the fuck out. I love Luke. I love Han. I especially love Leia. It’s such a fucking awesome series and the games it spawned have been epic. They’re all good, yessiree not a bad one in the bunch.

Unfortunately, my love of this great country of ours and my love of Star Wars has never really mixed because Star Wars takes place in a galaxy far, far away. Like, further than Cleveland is from my house I bet. And that sucks for Obi-Wan and Vader and Darth Maul and, my favorite, Jar-Jar Binks because they’ve never experienced the greatness of America. Star Wars is practically perfect as it is, but you know what would make it even better: the American Bald Eagle.

So, on this holiest of days, May the 4th of July Be With You, I want to tell you what five Star Wars video games would be as awesome as truck nutz if they just added a frickin bald eagle. Woooo!