Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Welcome to DC, Teabaggers!

While attending last year's 9/12 teabagger convention, JN and I wondered about how these idiots made their way around the city once they exited the safety of their chartered Whites Only Freedom Works buses.

Wonder no more! Someone found a teabagger website with handy instructions on how to get around in DC without being gruesomely murdered or potentially running into someone that isn't white. This is not a joke:

Safety and Mores

DC's population includes refugees from every country, as the families of embassy staffs of third world countries tend to stay in DC whenever a revolution in their homeland means that anyone in their family would be in danger if they went back. Most taxi drivers and many waiters/waitresses (especially in local coffee shops like the Bread and Chocolate chain) are immigrants, frequently from east Africa or Arab countries. As a rule, African immigrants do not like for you to assume they are African Americans and especially do not like for you to guess they are from a neighboring country (e.g. Eritrea, Ethiopia, Somalia) with whom they may have political or military tensions. It's rare to meet anyone who gets really offended, but you can still be aware of the issue.

Many parts of DC are safe beyond the areas I will list here, but why chance it if you don't know where you are?

If you are on the subway stay on the Red line between Union Station and Shady Grove, Maryland. If you are on the Blue or Orange line do not go past Eastern Market (Capitol Hill) toward the Potomac Avenue stop and beyond; stay in NW DC and points in Virginia. Do not use the Green line or the Yellow line. These rules are even more important at night. There is of course nothing wrong with many other areas; but you don't know where you are, so you should not explore them.

If on foot or in a cab or bus, stay in Bethesda, Arlington (preferably north Arlington), Crystal City, Falls Church, Annandale, or Alexandria, or in DC only in northwest DC west (i.e. larger street numbers) of 14th or 16th streets, or if on Capitol Hill only in SE Capitol Hill (zip 20003) between 1st and 8th Streets, not farther out than 8th (e.g. 9th, 10th etc). (Or stay on the Mall and at the various monuments.) Again there are many other lovely places, from the Catholic University of America to Silver Spring, Maryland. But you don't know where you are so you cannot go, especially at night, unless you take me with you.

There's really too much in that to digest, although "Do not use the Green Line or Yellow line. These rules are more important at night" might by my favorite of them all.

DCist was kind enough to post this map in case these people need visual help:

The map is good, but as 6.54 pointed out, it doesn't include another safe haven: "Arlington (preferably north Arlington)" He also made the observation that you might not be safe even in the blue zone of white people:

Rumor also has it that a Kenyan/Indonesian muslim family lives within the shaded territory. Shouldn't they avoid downtown?

The horror.

If the blog shuts down from here on out it's safe to assume that I was gunned down going home from work... yes you guess it - on the green line of death.