In fact, a binge drinker is three times more likely than a nondrinker to have two to four sex partners in the past year, according to the health survey. Binge drinking men who have sex with other men are particularly at risk, doubling their likelihood of having five or more sex partners in the past year.

Oh no! So what you're telling us is that drinking increases the risk of getting laid? For the love of Betty Ford, gay dudes, put down those Cosmos unless you want to end up naked with a hot stranger!

Ha. It's funny how they make that sound like a bad thing. But of course, their point (which they get to, eventually) is not that drunk people are at risk of having sex itself but bad sex. "Everyone knows that moment when you wake up and regret what you’ve done," one 22-year-old puts it. "You just look at the person next to you in bed and regret it."

Still, trust us, dude. You'd feel a lot worse about it if you were sober.