Bestseller

Colgate Total is a titan in the world of FMCG (fast-moving consumer goods). The latest evolution of a product launched in the US 108 years ago, it's now not only our favourite toothpaste but also the bestselling health and beauty product, just eclipsing that other bathroom giant, Gillette razor blades. We buy a lot of it because we've become really very good at cleaning our teeth. On average, we do it an impressive 13 times a week.

My conversation with its manufacturers, Colgate-Palmolive, could only take place after I'd agreed that we'd operate under Colgate-Palmolive rules. That is, everyone who works for the company must be referred to as A Spokesperson. Which means that while I know the name and gender of Colgate-Palmolive's charming and urbane Marketing Manager, Oral Care, I can't share that knowledge with you.

'We're a very shy company,' said A Spokesperson.'We don't generally talk to the press on the phone.' I asked him - or her, or it - what's in our favourite white stuff? 'A mild abrasive - silica, a refined natural product. Calcium. Fluoride. And an anti-bacterial agent, for below-the-gum-line protection.'