love the life you live Peace Corps Cambodia ☮

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I am on my lunch break and I feel compelled to write up this
blog for those of you who still read it. I would like to come out of the closet
no not that closet the feminist closet because as much as I have talked about
my work in gender to many of you I don’t know how many of you or the random
people who read this blog get why I care about gender. Let me state this I would
even go so far as considering myself what would be labeled as radical feminist and
I am more than okay with this I sort of embrace it, to the point hierarchy and
social status is on my mind every min of every day. Let me first give you as
quick history lesson 2nd wave feminism is the one most people are aware
of and it did in fact drive a movement for equality. However because of this
one type of feminism most people feel they no longer have to identify as a feminist
as equality in most people’s mind already exist in America (of course I could
argue that it does not but for now we will say equality exist). While I of
course will always work towards equality but when we talk about feminism it
goes way deeper than just equality but that of hierarchy this impacts life
daily for most living things. Even with in one’s own social circles you can see
a power dynamic, however most people don’t want to even acknowledge the power structure
in which they are a part of (ask y that is?). To understand this even more so take yourself out
of your own social circles or networks and start to think of the world at large
for me this is the train of thought that starts me to think about feminism from
a different cultures perspective. This past week one of the only news show I really
like to watch and happily watch it while doing laundry, is Melissa Harris Perry
show and she calls attention to the lack of understanding white feminism has
towards black feminism. As for the dominate class in most cases white people we
tend to forget about black history and the mammy roles that existed that
because someone like Michele Obama in this case, is not acting in a radical
activist way that some people might have hoped for does not mean she is not
contributing to feminist it’s just not white feminism. If you want to know more
about black feminism I highly suggest reading Bell hooks (more radical) and Patricia
Hill Collins it helped me get way more insight into what I was missing from a
white America perspective its helped me figure things out while living in Cambodia.
I bring this all up for the simple fact I have a feeling the mainstream media
thinks that it has silenced majority of people to not recognizing feminism for how
it has actually evolved instead they question “is there any feminist left” “is
it the end of men as we know it” “equality exist so the activist have left to
other cause”. These are just some things I can think up of now but in reality
no one in mainstream media is asking about how the power dynamics and social
class divide and how it is impacting all of us daily. Most people want to believe
that people taking to the streets has died out and there for we r all accepting
that we live in an equal classes society. In research especially related to
development we say things like gender blind approach but I think for where we
are at in society it’s more like a power blind approach to everything. I have
to get back to work so I will stop my babbling but just know that the streets are now the world wide web and that if you really want to understand the world
around you suggest people take back to more feminist ideology which can be
applied to most hierarchy’s. Once you do your life will never be the same again
but hey at least people will know there is far more into it then just
equality.Next time I might come up with
a reading list for you all bc it may shock you but I read this stuff on my free
time reading. Anyways peace out form the other side of the world talk to you
again soon!!!

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I am counting down the days until I get to see all of your
faces =) I still have so much to do but as I am sitting on my lunch break at
work I am thinking about my experience in Cambodia and how sometimes my ideals have
been put to the test. While living in the village I was challenged to grow to
understand true poverty so much so that maybe at some points I have diluted myself
into thinking that I can relate and maybe is some ways I can but my American privilege
will always keep me in a spectators roles bc even though I was “Living” it I
could never really live it bc I will always have away out and the people I was
living with will never have that. However it has been my time in Phnom Penh that
has forced me to realize this in a much deeper way because in the village it is
me and Khmer nationals where in Phnom Penh for the first time on a daily based
I get to see how the class system truly thrives between Khmer people and
expats. I don’t know how to begin this next segment of what’s running through
my mind but it goes something like this I told myself that I needed to
diversify my friends now that I am in the city I should have expat friends not
just Khmer friends. However after coming out village life I really did not know
where to start add that with the compounding factor of I still did not have a
paid job and my volunteer work was in an all Khmer organization than the
weekends I went to class with all Khmer student my interaction with the expat
class was severely limited. For a while before
my land lord got all pissy I did host couch surfers a lot and that made me feel
I was trying and it was working but once that stopped the only thing I really
had left was my roommate Liz’s coworkers who are all teaching eng at what is
considered the best eng school in Cambodia. Most of them are European and not American
this is not all that important except this does add to the class system in
which most not all of the bonding experience in this group when I have gone out
with them is bitching about either Khmer culture American culture and then
comparing it to mostly British culture. On a side note I just found out that
the map of the world that I have always seen in American text books is not a standardized
map they use in Europe in fact the one in Britain they make themselves the center
of the world I find this amusing. Anyways so most of my days are spent around Khmer
people and I would never think to myself in a superior way and either would
most expats even though the shit they say states otherwise. The thing about
hanging out with this particular group of people is they see class and I think
really feel there are rules to be followed and people who you can and cannot interacted
with. So while I by deff make it into the same class as them based on my up
bring edu wealth etc I am excluded bc I break the class rules by allowing
people who they view as having no class into a dinner party or an event these
just so happen to be Khmer nationals who don’t make the cut. They will act very
friendly to a seller or a driver but those people get made fun of at their
dinner parties or various outings as not knowing bank or saying blank wearing
blank… as if there ever is a right way of being except I think in some part of
the culture the expat normative concepts takes over even when the group is the
minority group in the situation but somehow there wealth dilutes them into
thinking that they can set the normative tone in Khmer culture. I should also
mention expats in Cambodia have a shelf life of about 6 months to a year and
they leave a very few stick around but for the most part there in and out so it’s a
lot of effort to make new way of expat friends every 6 months. Well so I shake
up the class divide bc I don’t just say hello and fake smile at the sellers in
part bc I lived with a family of seller for two years I know how to joke around
and have actual relationships with sellers to the point where I can invite them
out and it does not phase me to invite them to some expat dinner party until I get
there and realize they don’t want to control their serotyping behavior. This is
what bring me to my current state of mind wondering how much class should
impact my relationships with people I mean I really believe in equality and
ending oppression but do I live my life like that for real? I was thinking
about that sex and the city episode when the case system gets brought up bc the
lawyer in the show starts to date a bar tender and the word working class gets
brought up and then comes the you can’t pretend we live in a classless system
when we do and then a shot of the Asian women painting there feet. I can say at
least in my family there is a concept of class for instances if I started to
date certain minorities it would be a topic of conversation or if the person
was of the right color skin but lacked an education I would get asked how will
they support themselves what can you really have in common with someone who is
blank. The thing is though while in my mind we have a class system in American,
Cambodia and worldwide I feel that in our current state of the social media revolution
or even globalization to some extent all of us especially myself will be forced
in one way or another to go outside our small circle of normalcy’s and maybe
have to face class “disparities” so to speak differently. In some ways I am
stronger person since being in Cambodia bc I have been an outsider and insider
and everything in between and its helped me to maybe push class boundaries and
force some people to meet the “Khmer other” though I’m still not quite sure
people in the expat subgroup of people are ready to really understand the level of
poverty that there seller faces or there driver bc that would make them have to
start to realize their own privilege in life and well it’s not easy to do, to
see how your actions maybe oppressing someone else. I can say that first acknowledging
and accepting my American privilege has been an uphill challenge bc I keep
going all over the place in my mind about it and now that I am single it’s made
me think more so about the divide if I end up finding someone in a developing
country like Cambodia most likely our classes will not be the same it would be
one thing for me to get over that concept but what about the rest of the world
it would be a constant battle to be allowed to “sit at the front of the bus
together” not that I mean to use sex and the city as a real time reference but
in the end the lawyer marries the bar tender and in the show they make it seem
like people and the couple learns to accept it but in real life I don’t think
things would go so smoothly. In the show no one talks behind the couples back
about why they are even together but in real life I have seen it once that
couple leaves the room it will get brought up. The complexities of society really
baffle me some times but the things that keeps me at ease is that I realize
that society and the rules are always changing (however slowly) so while being
a crusader/activist by going against the norms it what has to happen for things
to change. Well see you in a few weeks peace out from the other side of the
world!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Well
for the first time in recent history for Cambodia people stopped being scared
of change and standing up to power with that said I sort of felt a need to stay
out of the city for a few days while the elections went down just incase
something bad happened. I choose Palin as my destination because I have never
been and it is a 5 min drive to the boarder of Thailand incase stuff got real
crazy I could leave the country. Pailin is famous for rubies in their dirt and
ex Khmer rouge solders living there now in my head I had this insanely
different picture of Pailin that went something like this a poor desolate place
where these ex-soldiers slink off in a corner somewhere and everyone hates them
and a town that barley had roads sort of ghost town like. However in reality it
was way different majestic really it is UN touched jungle with waterfalls and
mts and ironically enough these ex Khmer Rouge soldiers were not poor saps in
the corner they are rich and have a lot of money. Moreover they are in the run
of the gov there which I was really surprised about but I think I get a better
idea of what is going on in that land all over Cambodia is sold to Chinese
companies but pailin the gov leaves them alone I think it’s a secret agreement
that they don’t try to fight and watch and protect the Thai Cambodia border. I
also thought it was just a few soldiers turns out the whole place is ex-soldiers
basically every other person of a certain age you run into is missing a limb,
an eye or has severe burns on their face with that said I will begin to explain
why I was only too clever by half. So these soldiers love the current ruling
party cpp so I inadvertently put my escape root with possible black opp type solders
for the CPP I should also mention that I did not go to Pailin alone I went with
Alin from my village and her sister both of them used to live there and work in
the Casino and have family in the area who we stayed with. Ironically these
family members where ex Khmer Rouge why this is crazy is I spent the night in
these peoples house and they were supper nice to me but u know when u ask about
them before getting their I get a line like this “ming khume pou-kai kamplug”
my aunt was the most skilled at shooting people all good stuff to keep in mind
right. Not gonna lie these ex khmer rouge people were not the type who would never
claim they were forced or scared to die if they did not join these are like the
leaders who really push the ideology and shit with that said there whole year 0
thing and not wanting any other cultural influence made me wonder if they were
just acting nice to me but hating me secretly but it honestly did not feel that
way hummm. Well as I went riding around on a moto I got to see some cool stuff I
got to go looking for rubies I did not find any maybe next time but never the
less the first day of my trip was a good time. The second day I went to this mt
that is called green mt and it was soo pretty it goes up 10 levels but it’s
important to note that it’s not paved and really off the beating trail but that’s
the benefit when u go somewhere like this with Khmer people they know all the
way to get places that are missing in lonely planet. Well that night before the
elections the news who I might add is stated owned and controlled was playing a
rerun clip that remind me something out of an snl skit I don’t know if I can
describe it but it went something like this going to different khmer people
asking them about the opposition party and then a camera will show a girl
wearing a tank top and some old khmer lady will say something like cnrm is destroying
khmer culture they are going to break are women. Another one of my favorite
skits I mean news shots was this homeless guy huffing and then they shoot back
to cnrp having an Election Day party basically claiming that they are passing
out drugs to homeless people. Then the news people where trying to prove that
cnrp is a bunch of young kids making trouble so they were vandals in every providence
however they lack video clips for this so instead they tried to blur out the
background pretend it was different place in Cambodia while it was the same
people in every shot lmao. Anyways this is like comedy to me so im crying
laughing so hard sitting next to some ex khmer commrads looking at me like im
crazy then I try to explain to them in khmer why I think this shit is so funny don’t
think it translated o well I had a fun time watching the news. Okay well on to
the day of the elections pretty much all the news did all day long was say how
fair the election r this year and showing the special ink that was donated my
India that cannot be wiped off (except it has been proven that it in fact can
me) I know shocker anyways this went on all day long smiling police etc showing
their finger to the camera. Meanwhile facebook has changed the name of the game
in this country and the election no one will believe a word the news says so
instead u got kids and people posting up video clips anything to facebook
showing the polling stations and all the corruption more than 1 million people
have been left or eliminated off the voters list this year see my last post for
the map. In the past people where hopless for change so they just did not care
this year that was all different and because of that people got mad and a bunch
of people burned a police car and turned it over even the monks on the video were
helping. Cambodians are very biased against Vietnamese immigrants sometime I feel
its way to harsh but I sort of understand why not Vietnamese people who don’t have
citizenship are allowed to vote while khmer people are not its quite strange I have
never seen anything like it. So the polling stations closed and the kid who
works for the ministry comes home and we start making phone calls to see what
the numbers are well at this point it’s about 4:00 and huge upset it looks like
CNRP won despite all the odds stacked against them and these results came from
the counters in other provinces so it’s pretty official. Well as this is
showing up all over facebook less than an hour later people are all posting
pictures and video that army is out they closed down all these streets blah
blah. Meanwhile the state run news has stopped showing anything and instead
puts on khmer dancers for the next two hours if we did not have internet we
would be lost. Around 8 pm the news comes back on to go down the winner and
comes out that cpp won though at this point most people don’t believe it felt
that the military forced CNRP hand which is sort of proven bc this letter that
the CNRP leader send around went something like this “Please stay Calm thank
you for your support but they have guns and I have nothing do not try to fight
on my behalf bc you will only end up dyeing” O yea maybe I should mention Cambodia
law prohibits owning a fire arm so only the military, police can have them so
most people are pretty defenseless in a circumstance like this. More important
u might be wondering will all the military really support the current ruler and
the answer is does not matter bc the military is only slightly trained however
the P.M has 10,000 yea that’s right 10,000 of his own person security guards
that are supper trained basically meaning even if the military tried to go
against him they would lose as well so to stay alive I feel they would back
him. Well anyways my roommate went back to Phnom Penh that night from a village
down south I was way up north to see tanks and trucks rolling past a rd near r
house they were not just preventing riots it was a fear tactic however in the
past that really did work but it seem less people care now. Anyways now the Gestapo is out and about I can’t
go home because all the taxi are freaked out and don’t want to go into Phnom Penh
and I am feeling sorry for my roommate being left alone with things so
uncertain. I finally find a taxi back but its way more expensive then when we
came but what can we do so on the way back I stop in my village to give my host
fam some fruit and see what was going on their last night and my host mom just
goes off, That she wants someone to get him out of office it’s not fair. She is
scared for me to go back to phnom penh then she begins to give me lessons on
how to crawl on the ground like a solider and apparently bc my apt is the top
of a house they like to shoot high so im in more danger got to love my host mom
for just being so blunt about things like this. My host mom is 66 and she
refuses to watch tv bc it lies to her now instead now I have to sit down with
my ipad and let her watch the news via facebook so I guess u can say she is a truly
informed citizen now. Going back to work things seem both normal and slightly
off like people where deff unsure what would happen and CNRP was contesting the
loss claiming different results. This then caused the current ruler to yet
again to take out the army and close the streets off only issues is I work
right around the block so I was stuck in this barricaded area until they
finally directed traffic another way and soon enough I see a park filled with
people and Sam Riansey… is it me or does
that not seem like a bad idea to direct traffic into the oppositions rally bc
if I went home as normal I would have no idea it was going on they are
basically giving him more support just saying. No final results are in apparently
it might be two months in the meantime Cambodian people is calling for
international help and wants the UN back in create a true democracy and to
count the votes for real. As you can see this whole post is only to clever by
half and to add to this I think I caught some kind of bug and have been really
sick with a 102 temp based on my blood results which are in French instead of
eng err I am anemic have limited white blood cells and may have either Dengue,
malaria or typhoid fever sigh I came back into work today bc I have enough
energy to type at a desk the past two days I could do nothing sort of sucked my
host sister came in yesterday to take care of me but I made her go back to sell
I felt bad. Anyways peace out from the other side of the world!!!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Translated the Election are happening this weekend and it occurred to me I have not updated you in a while though I am not sure how many people care but at least i can show you some pictures etc.

So this is how campaigning works in Cambodia especially if you are the opposition party you are not given space to really set up anything so instead you drive around with speakers on ur car and moto and whatever else.

So every morning bc the CNRP head quarters is close my house i wake up to there them song it starts at about 6:30 and ends at about 10 at night. O and after 20 years in self exile the leader Sam Ramsey received a pardon from the king and has returned this video is at the air port. The crowds go back for miles its pretty crazy. National news was not allowed to cover his return but VOA (VOICE of America was on it).

It is not only CNRP out and about but the current ruling party as well however people tell me that they pay people between 5-10 usd where CNRP go out for free. the current phrases one hears lately is doh mon doh which means change or not and then the number which for CNRP is 7 and CPP is 4 there are many other parties but I guess you can say these are the two that matter. The smallest is this democratic peoples party and they are angry that no one will talk about what their policy's are.

What as shocked me so in America voting stuff is in an age bracket of 40 plus who get supper involved its why you know to raise money they have dinners to raise money bc in America it seems assumed that the youth will not par take seriously. I guess one can argue that the Obama Campaign changed that but on the whole you get what i mean. Well anyways in Cambodia it is reversed kids still in hs and college in some cases single handily are in charge of campaign efforts rain or shine they are out on their motos in the back of a truck for the past month to get people to vote for their party. This however is new according to people i talk to social networking has changed voter participation also what has worked in the past for the current ruling party is no as effective as now the majority of voters did not witness the genocide and want a none corrupt government with true democracy.

Nearly all of Phnom Penh’s communes have voter registration rates in
excess of 100 per cent, amounting to more than 145,000 additional names,
with one commune topping the 200 per cent mark, an analysis of
previously unseen government population data reveals. Further
analysis of the already public National Election Committee voter list
shows there are more than 25,000 exact duplicate names in Phnom Penh
alone. Basically it is estimated that about 10 percent of the voting population has been removed from the list and excess names have been added especially in key battle areas where the current ruling party is losing ground.

So the return of the opposition leader has been given credit to America however I think it was more UN influence never the less Cambodians think its all Obama not sure why but people are always thanking me one old man came up to me as i was walking to school to shake my hand.

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

I saw this and thought about gender expectations and how sometimes it really is like what Atticus Finich have to walk a mile in someones shoes. Think about all the people we have ignored because they did not meet some social ideal. I think I myself have had a few break down moments when I realized how my own brain washing has caused me to make people invisible anyways this is clip just sort of made me want to repost.

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Well I guess we had another 4th of July and fyi
living overseas believe me when I say that the Brits are still hostile about us
throwing that tea over board haha. Im sure they are just sad bc almost every
country has a freedom from the UK but what do they get nada. I played with some
sparklers and that was about it the embassy has 5 dollar tickets but there is
to many people and not enough food for the 5 bucks.On other good news I got my camera working
again so I will soon to have a million new pics to share with you all of my new
office etc. o right its presidential
elections in Cambodia and I can fully heartily admit USA elections r crazy in
their own way Cambodia has a whole different kind of crazy! For ex only the
ruling party has space to set up events so the opposition parties are forced to
be on the move all the time so there are like 1000 kids n moto’s with flags
representing their party in oncoming traffic and when u on a bike and they come
at u the best way I can describe it to you guys it’s like that part in the lion
king when Siba and his dad on in the stampede. The whacked out thing is that the current
ruling party pays university students 10 dollars a day to stand on the side of
the rd so the party looks cool hip etc and all of the parties go around blasting
music but the ruling party has the most money so they seem to have I kid u not
trucks with movie screens on them playing music videos of the current
president. I should also not delude u to think any of this is a fair election
however all the parties do try to gain votes im pretty sure the current party
has to win and yeah there is an or else. In the papers it’s been stated by the
current ruling party president if he loses there will be civil war it will be
all the CNRP fault (that’s the most popular party) anyways I just thought bc
CPP (the current ruling party) has been in power for the past 20 years they
sort of had his in the bag however the stuff coming out in the papers r all the
threats the current P.M is making is as if he is nervous and im not sure I understand
why. It also goes without saying u do not want to be an ngo or work in the gov
and not support the cpp im pretty for what I understand u can lose ur job esp
if u r in the gov and don’t help run the campaign. As for the war I don’t see
it actually happening bc I really don’t think cpp will lose (too much
corruption at the voting booth) however incase to ease ur minds I will leave
Phnom Penh for the weekend of the election bc that’s where all the military is
however poor Cambodians really think that if that happens that America will
send in our military to uphold democracy. Though we did get free of the press back in Cambodia
VOA VOICE OF AMERICA is a huge radio station in Cambodia esp in the village
level and the ruling party kicked them out a week ago for the month of the
elections and the US Embassy I think said no more funding blah blah and two
days later VOA and all other foreign press was allowed back in it should be
noted that Khmer press is owned by the current party so the only way to get a
fair balance of news is though things like the VOA my host dad loves the VOA
when I lived with him he used to tell me all sorts of things and ask me
questions and when he realized VOA had a web site would make me go online. Well
ill stop with the political update bc I have some stories about the cream of
wheat guy which know u all love to read about! Okay so I may have mention that
im not sure if he is mentally challenged or messing with me it goes back and
forth bc im always so unsure but now im back on the though process that he is
messing with my head. So the other day he updates on his Skype that he is in Cambodia
now im like wtf is this real or not I don’t know??? The thing about him though
is I can’t ask him bc if he is messing with my head that’s what he wants me to
do bait me to see if ill flip out it’s like the longest game of war I have ever
played with someone anyways then he tries to call me but im at work so I don’t pick
up and bc I have skype plus even if im not on I can get voicemail messages but
he did not know this so he did not know that I would know he called basically
all I heard in my voicemail was click click. Now im thinking why is he calling
me unless he is already in Cambodia so now I have to call my host sister to
warn her and to warn jentu as well bc he hated jentu and I dunno could see him
trying to pull something with her as well. I already had plans to go to the
village for a day bc it was my host moms bday so I thought I can figure out
more when im there. Side the bday party
was fun the thing about my host mom is I think she encourages me to do things
that r not culturally normal but things she has wanted to do in her life. Well in
between the next interaction I had with cream of wheat guy my host grandmamma died
of what exactly not sure this is what I can guess maybe she had hpv that turned
into uterus cancer that then spread to her bones this is all a guess though
based on what they told me her symptoms were. I sort of felt like the whole her
dyeing was a freak show I don’t think my description will do it justices but
she has been really sick for a month I guess it got really bad this past Friday
so every single older person in the village with all these monks persist spend
24 hours a day at my host grandmamma house. Meanwhile the day that she died they
take out her ivy which I told them not to bc she was going to be in pain but
they were like no this will help her die I knew that was wrong. I also don’t think
they moved her since the last time I was there so she just had a blood clot
pooling in her forehead it was a bit much to see. Then in Cambodian culture you
give money to family to help with the funeral when I went to give them money bc
she was still alive they made me put the money in her hand which was also a bit
much. I went back and from my house to my g-mamas house at one point im sitting
down with a bunch of monks who are writing on a chalk board predicting the
future I thought it was for the old lady talking to him but no it turns out
they were trying to predict when my g-mama was going to die (the monk was wrong
he said Monday but it was Sunday night at 10pm). Meanwhile there are rows of
chairs lined up with people just sort of looking on like a show of someone
about to die. I left for the last time bc I realized the likelihood that she
was going to chock on her own fluids and die really slowly bc I asked if they
were going to give her meds to put her to sleep and they were like no we don’t have
any. That’s when I knew that’s was too much for me to handle and they were not
getting the things I was asking them. Well in between my visits to the sideshow
I go online to see if we could get in touch with Jenta my host sister living in
Korea when cream of wheat guy calls me. I debated not answering it however the
game plan was to see where he was I am pretty sure he is not in Cambodia now
but not positive. He just went on and on about how he is looking at Chinese
women online that he wants a new wife once again I debate how stupid can he
be?!?! There is no way the us gov will let him have a foreign wife anyways he
is doing this shit bc he was convinced with his big ego that jentee would miss
him first but she is so over him that she thinks its funny how desperate he is.
Then he brought up these annoying wedding pics to send them to my dad’s house I’ll
get them when I am home but then he is like well I have other pics to ill give
u as if he has creepy pics I dunno this guy has a few screws loose. The rest of
my weekend was spent in class im taking a class on the impact of education in society
its been interesting its has prompted me to read about America and education it’s
called academically adrift im only on chapter 3 but its address the major gaps
in higher education and labor market etc. well till next time peace out from
the other side of the world!