Monday, May 20, 2013

Salaam- Namastey....

Our Kaiser in Alibag.

Handshake,mwuah, aadab or namastey…?

Here’s the basic ground rule, ladies : when
in doubt, opt for a namastey. It’s the safest, most hygienic and indisputably
the best greeting in the world. Women and handshakes? Naaah. Of course, this is
a sexist remark. So, kill me folks. But why would I want to extend my hand and
make physical contact with strangers of either sex? Traditional social greetings have gone for a
big toss in urban India ever since we discovered the dubious and decidedly
dodgy ‘joys’ of mwah-mwahing. Let’s face it, we get our version of air kissing all wrong to begin with. There is
enormous awkwardness on display as we clumsily attempt to make lip contact with
assorted proferred cheeks ,often of randoms we aren’t likely to ever meet again (strictly
speaking, no lip contact is required, it’s more a cheek-to-cheek deal).
Consider the downside: noses get in the way, for starters, followed by the
whole confusion over left cheek first or right? This dilemma leads to nervous
giggles and apologies, with squashed faces and snout- like pouts making for a
far from attractive public performance. Take a look at paparazzi shots of our
Bolllywood Divas greeting friends, lovers and rivals on the red carpet. Oooof!
Such self - consciousness and discomfort on display. The fact of the matter is
that social kissing a la Europe does not come naturally to us. It is a
comparatively new phenomenon, and we have yet to get the hang of the drill. But
does that stop desis ? Bilkul nahi!

The traditional ‘aadab’ ( SRK sticks to it)
is respectful and visually attractive. But will the younger lot adopt this form
of greeting ? No chance. Like the namastey, the aadab is also considered
‘uncool’ by those who prefer an idiotic ‘Yo’! accompanied by a high five. Try
telling college kids to switch, even when they meet friends of their parents in
formal settings. They will laugh derisively at the suggestion. Even for people
of my vintage,the simple act of folding ones hands when introduced, has all but
disappeared. Instead, one has to deal with aggressive chaps refusing to accept
a namastey and boldly leaning forward to plant that entirely unwelcome peck on
the cheek. I loathe the practice – think of the yucky side effects – beer and
biryani breath, the roughness of stubble,slobbering sound effects… who needs
that? It is so much more civilized to allow the woman to decide just what level
of proximity suits her. Does she want to be hugged by a boor? Make contact with
a paunch? Have some desperate chap
‘accidentally’ brush past her chest? No,no,no! Which is why, I admire
contemporary parents who have trained even toddlers to greet everybody with a
sweet ‘Jai Shree Krishna’.

The right salutations leave a strong and
lasting impact. Hats off to the anonymous female Indian delegate who ignored
Chinese President Li’s extended hand and stuck to a namastey recently. Do I
prefer a super casual ‘Hi Aunty!” to a ‘Namastey Aunty?” You know the answer. I
have zero problems with ‘Aunty’. But several with ‘Hi!”And when was the last time
you saw today’s super cool bachchas touch the feet of their grandparents,
parents and elders to seek their blessings on birthdays, before leaving for a
trip, rushing off to an important exam
or job interview? I grew up doing just
that. And trust me, the emotions generated via that simple gesture were worth
the extra few seconds invested in it. Folding hands, bowing ones head in the
presence of those who have lived longer years on this earth, instills a sense
of humility and respect. It works both
ways. You show respect, you get respect. The thing is if you want to catch them
young, you also have to teach them young.

Handshakes, I learned from my cousin Usha Bhende, who helpfully
forwarded an article on the subject recently, were invented by warriors, for
warriors (“ Look! I am unarmed!”). The mwah- mwah as we practice it, must have
been a Paris Hilton/ Kim Kardashian brainwave, designed for the cameras. So
many of our lovely Bollywood ladies are in Cannes this weekend. I’m betting
Vidya Balan will sensibly stick to a namastey, Aishwarya to the royal wave and
the others will giddily kiss away. If chumma chumma we must, let’s at least get
the protocol in place first. Once? Twice? Or thrice… like the French do it?

12 comments:

I'm sorry this is not a comment on your blog post... I was actually looking for a video link... you'd interviewed Sri Sri Ravi Shankar... a friend of mine is exposing him (with loads of rational evidence)... and we needed it... i've seen that interview... he says something about india needing less hospitals... do you have that interview hosted somewhere on the internet so that we could link our readers to it ? ...

...and this is the link to the work that my friend is doing...

http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/invisibleindian/1155319/

... in case you'd like to add to the list of topics... or make any other suggestions that would help us in our cause... he's breaking a lot of homes to "recruit" people into his "cult"...

Ma'am, I am completely awe-struck by your every article! I am a pure Gujarati and I just love the way you pen down your views seamlessly because we hardly find such candid, convincing and rejuvenating articles in ahmedabad...

Touching the feet of elders is not necessary to show respect. I feel embarrassed if somebody touches my feet.Show respect in the way you talk, you listen and smile.I feel really bad when I have to touch the feet of a person who is a but an elderly rogue.

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