Monday, May 2, 2016

I used to believe that I could find what I was looking for if I disappeared in a trail somewhere for long enough. That was part of the reason why I wanted to hike the Overland Track, and really any place at all.

I had a lot of experiences when I was there. Mostly I walked a lot, felt really cold at night (despite my layers and the sleeping bag! why?), met many different kinds of people, and just thought a lot. The scenery was beautiful. It was great. It's a time I wouldn't trade for anything.

Right now, though, I feel like what I'm looking for isn't in a place filled with natural beauty, and also - I admit - my romantic ideals. It wasn't all fun, 'cause when I was cold I was cold, and some people were mean or rude, and I got lost and scratched up and muddy and quite desperate...a few times. ^^" It was great but it wasn't only great. And even if it was only great, it wouldn't have been That Thing.

I feel like now it would be best to look amongst people, in a different culture, with a thousand different interactions. And I cringe a little 'cause I like quiet and solitude, but y'know, I like people too! Singapore has it's own vibrant culture (ha ha) but I don't want it to be all I know. I don't think we should just accept things - that this is the way it is, and should be.

I also feel like in the future, I'll believe something different. That maybe what I'm looking for isn't in either of the two places I've gone to search. I kind of think I know what the answer is, but it would be meaningless to go there now? This should happen in stages? Or rather I'll need different things at different times in my life, and they'll lead to the same place - something like that.