Friday, October 25, 2013

Dear followers+friends,You want the truth? Well here it is straight, no chaser.I've struggled with self-harm since the 7th grade. I was 'clean' for about 5 months and this week I relapsed.There I said it. I admit it.

So for mental and emotional health reasons I am going to take a small vacay from blogging. I'm not quitting blogging! I just have a lot going on in my personal life right now that needs sorting. Maybe I'll be able to really sit down and explain one day all of what's going on with me...maybe I won't. But right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to do so. I hope you understand. There's a lot of things about myself that I've kept private because it's just plain embarrassing. Like, even though it hurts so much to keep it all to myself I'm afraid to share certain things in the hopes of finally feeling relieved and accepted and understood only to have it backfire on me in the end. I don't want to be seen as an embarrassment or annoying or a hypocrite or just another pathetic girl who couldn't get her life together.

Believe me I've been doing (or at least trying my best to do) a good job of keeping my chin up. I've thought good thoughts, laughed hearty laughs, took pretty pictures, got new clothes, sang a bunch of sugary songs, and all that jazz. But it was to no avail. I've still failed. I feel like I'm back at square one. I've done all that I know how to do to keep a genuine smile on my face. But right now I am emotionally drained. I am physically tired. This past week was the straw that broke the camels back. I have done all I can to ignore my triggers. I've spent countless days researching alternatives. Looking for ways around it. Fighting all of my urges. But I failed. Just like I always do.

I feel like the best thing for me to do is to take myself away from anything in my life that may contribute to any and all negative thoughts/feelings and this includes social media. I have to do what I have to do in order to keep myself sane. So please be patient with me. Again, I'm not quitting, I just need to get myself back into a happy frame of mind.

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

So, in honor of the nice day yesterday I got up early and did my hair, slapped on some make up, did a little shopping and treated myself. When I came home I watched a couple of Halloween movies and pigged out! I've been feeling really off lately.... And the only way to get over feeling awful is to force yourself to do things that would ordinarily make you feel good, right?

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

*****TumblrTuesday is my weekly feature where I posts some of my favorite things I've come across on Tumblr over the week/weekend. Everything ranging from funny gifs, TV screencaps, inspiring quotes, Loveley pictures, or just downright ratchetry. But mostly ratchettry. All of these things you see in every TumblrTuesday post can be found on my actual tumblr HEREDisclaimer: photos and content is not my own unless otherwise noted*****

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

There's so many things on my mind lately. A lot has been going on and we're only half way through October!I've been so busy working almost every day, sewing, de-cluttering, and exercising that I literally spend all of my free time sleeping. Because of this I often use some time on my days off (in between naps of course) and write out a few posts and schedule them throughout the week so y'all don't think I'm dead or something. Today I'm off, but I honestly don't even feel like writing out 15 different posts about all the things that sounded like really good ideas last week as I wrote them down in my notebook. So instead I'm just going to make a list of all the things I really want to mention but just don't have the energy to make separate posts about. Plus some things don't really need a whole post. So I suppose it's my mid-October honorable mentions. Off we go!

I now have three pen pals! I get SO excited when I get a cute letter in the mail and I got my third one on Monday :) I wrote letters to about 6 or 7 people earlier this year and was a pretty heartbroken to never hear from them. I almost gave up writing letters because it made me sad to take the time out to write to people who didn't care to write back. But then some lovely ladies in blogland wrote to me! Nothing huge, but a sweet card introducing themselves and saying hello (which is huge to me). Today I sent out my little cards in reply and I hope it gets to them very very soon! you know who you are -wink-

As I've said earlier, most if not all of my free time is spent sleeping. Personally I don't mind it, I mean it's not like I have a social life to keep up with and appearances to make other than the usual visits to one of my sisters houses. Two and a half weeks of work down and I'm not fully set into my routine yet. My internal clock wakes me up somewhere between 9 and 10AM everyday but the rest of my body hasn't quite caught up yet.

I'm getting plenty of exercise as of late. Which is fantastic because I hate working out. I hate any and all unnecessary physical activity to be honest. COUCH POTATOES UNITE! I walk about 2 miles almost everyday and I've been keeping track of how many miles I've walked this month and so far I'm at 13! Go me!

Slowly but surely I'm getting through my fall to-do list. In THIS post I shared with you some of the things I needed to get done. I have a thing about deadlines and so there isn't reeeeally a set timeline but as long as I finish everything before winter hits I'll be satisfied. Right now I'm in the middle of making a tutu for my niece and so far so good! Next I'll start on the skirt for my sister. Just as soon as I can get her measurements. Shouldn't take me too long. I've got the pattern/tutorial saved on my computer. The fabric and stuff is all picked out, I just need to double check with her that it's the color she wants. Also, after about two weeks of procrastinating I'm ready to give my nephew back his jacket that I talked about over HERE. woops

After a year and some change, I've made the decision to dye my hair purple. Unfortunately for me, my job prohibits me from dyeing my hair any 'unnatural color.' So I have to wait and wait and wait. But that's okay, because in the meantime I can get my hair to the healthiest possible state I can. Because after going banana-pants researching the best possible way to achieve long lasting purple hair without going to a salon I'm gonna thank myself for all the time spent really taking care of my hair. P.S. Any tips YOU have would be greatly appreciated!

I still hate fall weather. Transitional weather just sucks for so many reasons. Other people in blogland rant and rave about all the lovely festivities going on and the lovely chilly weather and the lovely crunchy leaves and lovely Starbucks drinks and the blah blah blah. Well over here it's still warm enough to wear shorts everyday, which I've been doing. The trees are still green and there are plenty of annoying bugs all over the place. My eczema is flaring up all the time and it's driving me mad. So I kind of hate you if you're in one of those cities/towns that is experiencing the 'ideal' fall season.

I hate birds. That is all.

99% sure that I'm gaining weight. Roll your eyes all you want. But after spending most of my life between 110 and 120lbs it's a pretty big deal! Nobody I know (except my grandmother) has a scale and it's been bugging me. That couch potato stuff is probably catching up with me. My clothes still seem to fit just fine but I swear I feel 10lbs heavier. Hopefully all this walking will make that go away. We'll see. But I don't want you to think I'm doing anything crazy about it! I'm not dieting, working out like a maniac, or developing any kind of body image issues. I just feel... heavier you know?

That's all for now. I'll probably do this again at the end of the month... But don't hold me to that. Right now it's 6 o'clock and time for me to make myself some dinner so until next time, take care! XOXOXO

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

*****TumblrTuesday is my weekly feature where I posts some of my favorite things I've come across on Tumblr over the week/weekend. Everything ranging from funny gifs, TV screencaps, inspiring quotes, Loveley pictures, or just downright ratchetry. But mostly ratchettry. All of these things you see in every TumblrTuesday post can be found on my actual tumblr HEREDisclaimer: photos and content is not my own unless otherwise noted*****