8/20/2012

What Todd Akin Meant to Say (Updated):
So completely bugnuts cocktard Todd Akin, who really has been elected repeatedly to the House of Representatives by idiots in Missouri and really is the Republican candidate for Senate against incumbent Claire McCaskill, really winning a primary in Missouri, the "Show-You-How-Fucking-Dumb-We-Are" state, really said in an interview yesterday regarding pregnancy from rape, "First of all, from what I understand from doctors it is really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down." He also said that, even if the pussy's laser beam of justice misses and the woman gets pregnant, she should not be allowed to get an abortion.

When everyone picked their jaws off the floor, Akin's profoundly, demonstrably, scientifically wrong statement was met with a DefCon Katrina level of outrage. At what point is low too low? At a time that demanded true leadership, Mitt Romney's campaign's response was so milquetoast that Fire Island twinks would tell him to butch up. And, like a good little conservative spoogebucket, Akin didn't apologize for his beliefs. He merely said he "misspoke."

So it seems to leave us with a question: What the fuck did Akin mean to say?

1. "I meant to say that rape sperm is too angry to inseminate an egg."

2. "I meant to say that vaginas are like snapping turtles that will bite off a rapist's penis."