The Torpedo of Not Awesome

My friend AB came up with a great term to describe how Charlie Sheen has sunk his TORNADO OF AWESOME—she called it the “torpedo of awesome”. Brilliant term, because “torpedoed” is exactly what Sheen has done to his run of hilarious and highly entertaining crazy.

A lot of you have been upset that I’m enjoying Charlie Sheen’s TORNADO OF AWESOME. He’s sick, you said. It’s disturbing, you said. Isn’t this sad smut? For some of you it is. And that’s cool. But I wasn’t comfortable with everyone tearing apart Nicole Kidman’s recent baby drama and I just had to ride it out because pretty much everyone else was down to talk about it. We all have a line and it’s different for each of us. I got a kick out of Charlie Sheen because, based on all the same public ramblings we all saw, I drew the conclusion not that he is sick but that he is a giant asshole who was allowed to indulge the worst of his habits for so long that now that’s all there is left—the sum total of Charlie Sheen’s bad habits. And yeah, I do think there’s a fiduciary component to the saga that’s being somewhat overlooked because of all this erratic behavior. Now that Sheen’s been officially canned, the lawsuits will start in earnest.

This time last week Charlie Sheen was the most entertaining thing to come along in a while and everyone was wondering—what’s next? What could Charlie Sheen possibly do to top this? The answer is his Youtube show “Sheen’s Korner” and “nothing”. “Sheen’s Korner” is sad not because it’s a desperate cry for help, though fine if you see it that way, but because Charlie Sheen is so obviously trying now. He reminds me of something a veteran standup comic told me once—don’t ever wing it. It feels less organic now. Am I just tired of it? I don’t think so, because when Charlie Sheen’s response to his firing involved the phrase “whatshiscock” I laughed pretty hard. It just feels like Charlie Sheen started something he can’t sustain and now he’s winging it.

But maybe his intern will help straighten that out. For those unwilling to believe that there’s a financial component yet, does the soliciting of a “social networking intern” and meetings at Live Nation make a difference? He’s already set up to start cashing in on his catchphrases by selling t- shirts—could a radio show or live tour be in the future? Who knows? Better question—who cares? Because now, one week later, Charlie Sheen isn’t even the funniest Charlie Sheen. Bill Hader is a good Charlie Sheen. Jimmy Fallon is maybe the best Charlie Sheen – see below. Then there’s this. And of course this.

The thing about tornadoes is that even the biggest of them eventually lose strength and peter out. Charlie Sheen’s TORNADO OF AWESOME has been replaced with Charlie Sheen’s Try. It remains to be seen whether or not the TORNADO OF AWESOME laid waste to his chances at winning any of the inevitable breach of contract lawsuits to come, or if he can still come out on top, winning. Duh.

Attached – Charlie Sheen with one of the “goddesses” yesterday at Live Nation declaring victory with a machete and a bottle of Tiger Blood.