~ An Expert's Guide To Male Grooming

Category Archives: Mad ramblings

You know how they say you know you’ve made it when someone starts to impersonate you? Well, that’s the positive spin on impersonation. The darker side is when someone pretends to be you for their own material gain: that, dear readers, is commonly known as ‘fraud’. Sadly, a couple of weeks ago it came to my attention that someone (I nearly wrote f**ker there but am way too polite) had written to one of the ‘big three’ skincare companies claiming to be me and requesting product for review. The actual email they sent reads thus:

Hi,

I’m Lee Kynaston, and I am the Online Grooming Editor for MensHealth: the number one online magazine for men – sex tips, fashion, sport and health advice. We cover a wide range of segments in our website: including Style & Grooming, consisting primarily of fragrance / grooming / hair care and whatnot. We haven’t actually featured any XXXXX product(s) on our website, and we were wondering if this would be possible as we would like to get more scents in for review before the summer. The review would be featured on our fragrance section of our website, as seen here:

They are absolutely right to laud Men’s Health but are wrong about the fact that I haven’t featured the product they requested and whilst they have accurately aped my notoriously flaky spelling in their sign off, even I know how to spell my own surname correctly. And who, apart from Jacob Rees-Mogg, uses the word whatnot in 2014?

On investigation it transpired this person has mailing addresses (anonymous suite numbers of course) in both Portland Oregon and in Belfast and is using an email address similar to my own (using the inaccurate spelling of my name). Not only is this person committing a crime by impersonating me, they are also on the wrong side of the law by using one of my employers as a cover.

Let’s be clear about one thing here: in the UK the Fraud Act 2006 makes it an offence to dishonestly make a false representation with the intention of making a gain or causing a loss and laws in the US are equally as clear. The bottom line is that it’s a criminal act.

So, if you are a PR I would ask you to be vigilant and always ensure that the person contacting you for product really is the person they say they are (and if they are not, do as the PR in this case did, and contact your legal team for advice).

If you’re are a journalist or blogger, meanwhile, I would merely ask you to be aware that identity theft like this is an increasing problem, particularly online. And if you do find you are being impersonated in any way contact the police about it immediately. After all, your identity is probably the most precious thing you own.

You know how a picture paints a thousand words? Well, this one, which a pal of mine shared with me today, paints a better picture of the state of modern journalism, blogging and copywriting than words ever could. If, like me, you’re a scribe by profession I’m sure you’ll appreciate it.

I’ve come across some truly bonkers grooming terms in my career and am often asked what’s meant by ‘manscaping’, ‘mampering’ or ‘Brotox’ so I’ve gathered together a few of my favourite (not to mention least favourite) terms for my latest Telegraph Men column. So, if you’ve always wanted to know what ‘batwing ball’ is click on the pic below!

It’s strange, but criticising Movember now seems to be a national sport in my industry. Every year at least one of my colleagues breaks ranks and has a pop at the fact that Movember has become too commercialised, has too many official partners, or that success has ruined it and that – like an indie band who come up with a multi-platinum album – it has somehow ‘sold out’. Others complain it has become a joke (wasn’t it always meant to be fun?) whilst some funsters suggest that it would simply be better to forgo the whole moustache growing part and just hand over some money charity.

It is, of course, easy to criticise a cause for not being perfect. It makes good copy and it has the allure of being controversial. It’s also fantastically mean-spittited and rather symptomatic of an industry that sees anything to do with women’s charities as worthy of praise and anything to do with men’s as either daft or cynical.

The male grooming industry has a quite pitiful record when it comes to giving anything back to the men who buy its products. Come to think of it men have a pretty pitiful track record when it comes to giving anything back to men. And this is why I’m an ardent defender of Movember. Sure, it’s not perfect – and there are brands that rub up against it for a little of its feel-good sparkle – but at the end of the day it’s one time of year when men actually get of their sorry asses and do something that helps other men. For this alone it should be celebrated rather than knocked.

So what if companies like Penhaligons, Gillette* and Kent get on board with their products? Who cares if Byron are getting bums on seats with their (rather tasty) Mo’Shroom burgers? Yes, they’re getting publicity. They may be even making a profit for themselves whilst raising funds for others (to be shocked by this is to not fully understand the mechanics of modern charity) but, hey, they’re supporting a great cause and their contribution generates a huge amount of press and publicity – and we all know that charities rely on the oxygen of publicity. On a more basic level, for me, our industry is proactively helping men, in a way that the beauty industry has been helping women for years. Whether the companies involved are doing it selflessly or selfishly, who cares? They’re doing it.

The cynicism about Movember comes into sharpest focus when compared with the industry’s attitude to Breast Cancer Awareness. Whilst sitting in the lobby of Estee Lauder’s London HQ a few weeks ago I was struck, not just by the effort that they go to in supporting that particular cause (even re-painting their front doors pink) but by their “We’re stronger together” call to arms. One of the beauty industry’s real successes is how it has united to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer charities (and by industry I mean cosmetic houses, beauty journalists, magazines etc working together to shine a light on the cause). Certainly, my industry could take a leaf out of the beauty world’s book and get behind men’s charities but it won’t if, every time it tries, scorn is instantly poured over its efforts. Just as women are ‘stronger together’ when united to combat cancer so are men. But we’re also weaker when we’re torn apart.

It’s a dilemma facing every wannabe journalist or writer looking for a foothold in what is a notoriously tough and fickle industry: do you offer your work for free?

As a journalist I’ve only ever really been asked to work for free once professionally (more about that later) but as a blogger it’s a regular occurance. The typical scenario goes something like this: I get approached by someone who’s discovered my blog or stumbled across me on Twitter and they have something they’d like me to help them with. Some say they’d like to “collaborate” with me but I’ll vent my spleen about that term on another day. Anyway, we talk and they’re all over me like randy pup. I’m just the person they need! Then, when they twig I actually make my living from writing (and therefore require remuneration) they’re off my quivering leg like lightening.

But it gets worse. A couple of years ago I was contacted by the online editor of a publication asking me if I’d be interested in writing for their website as they were looking for good male grooming content. He knew I was a journalist and since I’d never written for this particular publication I was keen to contribute, so my answer was an enthusiastic yes. After sussing out what kind of thing he was after and agreeing that I could provide it I then asked what the payment would be.

The reply, although meant to be funny, actually took me aback. “Oh, you’re one of those old-fashioned journalists who likes to get paid!” he said. Given that I’ve been a journalist for over 20 years and have managed to earn a decent living out it (no mean feat given what a poorly paid profession it can be) I was pretty gobsmacked.

Of course, the moment I said yes to his question, I never heard from him ever again. He got his copy, though, and presumably for free, from elsewhere. Don’t get me wrong, not every single piece of work I’ve ever written has been paid for. I’ve done work for friends as favours or as part of contra deals and I wrote for free very briefly when I was doing work experience, back in 1990. I started out at 19 Magazine (ironically, a title I eventually ended up editing) and though I wrote a couple of small pieces without payment on a two-week work placement the features editor at the time – one of the best I’ve ever come across – eventually decided she should pay me for the words because she rated what I was doing.

There are, of course, many great commissioning editors and content managers out there but there are also also plenty of predatory ones essentially looking for writers to groom. Bloggers, in particular, are easy prey. I’m a curious breed of blogger known as a jogger. Half journalist and half blogger I’m the writing word’s equivalent of the bisexual – and treated with just as much suspicion. Since I was a journalist first, though, I’m pretty savvy about how things work when it comes the industry but I don’t suppose everyone is.

These days, many aspiring writers see blogging as the perfect launchpad for a journalistic career. And why not? Self-publishing has never been easier nor more respectable. The problem is, if you’re starting out and someone comes a long and asks you whether you’d like to write for them you’re naturally flattered. You see an opportunity to get your work out there. They won’t pay you? Fine, it may lead to something where you do get paid. Trust me, I get it. Like seeing a tray of doghnuts in a baker’s window, it’s a proposition that’s hard to resist. And the people offering you the opportunities know this.

Please understand that I am not having a go at all the aspiring writers out there – I was one myself once – it’s the unscrupulous people who expect them to write for free. Often these people work for websites or retail sites who are clearly making money. They’re businesses so they understand that everything comes with a cost attached. Except you of course.

What irks me about the website I mentioned earlier is that though they wanted copy for free the person that contacted me is quite clearly salaried. That website pays its staff so what makes its staff think they don’t have to pay its contributors? Wanting writers to write for free is shameful, disrespectful and frankly, turns commissioning editors into little more than petty thieves.

The problem is we live in a world where skill and creativity are have been undermined and devalued. It’s easy to blame the internet for this. Most of us expect content for free these days after all. But at the end of the day, businesses have a choice and they should choose to allocate budgets for ‘talent’. I totally understand that many start-ups don’t have huge amounts of cash to splash but I do believe that even if they can’t pay their writers the going rate they should, at the very least, offer them something for their work. And I think that all the writers out there have a duty to at least ask for something, otherwise they are doing themselves, future writers and indeed, established ones like me, a real disservice.

What made the features editor at 19 who offered to pay me for the pieces I wrote at the very start of my career so special is that she put a value on my work. And by valuing my work she she put a value on me too. If you constantly give your stuff away for free you’ll, quite literally, end up feeling worthless. So my message to budding writers is never sell yourself too cheaply because, to adapt the tagline L’Oreal are so fond of using, you’re absolutely worth it.

PS. Thanks to Guy Clapperton for pointing out this brilliant video after I wrote this post. If I’d have seen it beforehand I would have just posted it on here instead!

The other week, over a tongue-slackening bottle of wine, I had a rather enlightening conversation with a PR regarding the nature of blogging. And in the process I had my wrists slapped a couple of times for, would you believe it, speaking my mind? Why, they wanted to know, would I bother to criticise a product if I didn’t I didn’t like it when I could simply not mention it at all?

That, I told them politely, is a little like turning a blind eye to an injustice and hoping someone else will speak out because you’re too afraid. I know, I know, the two aren’t entirely comparable but I had been drinking remember. The sad fact is, though, bloggers do have every reason to be afraid. I have, in the course of saying what I think, been blacklisted (after one critical post a company I’d been in regular contact with for over five years promptly removed me from their mailing list) and I’ve incurred the wrath of more than one overly-sensitive PR for a less-than-flattering product review. Worse still, on occasion I’ve simply had the silent treatment when I send emails to PRs, which is essentially the beauty industry equivalent of waterboarding.

As I explained to the PR I was discussing the subject with, though, to me a degree of objectivity is absolutely crucial for credibility. In print journalism (and I’m talking about beauty journalism specifically here) there is a convention that everything is wonderful. This lipstick’s gorgeous, that aftershave balm’s fantastic etc, etc. But then, when you have advertisers breathing down your neck how are you going to say something doesn’t work, smells rank or stripped a couple of layers of skin off your face?

The thing is, as readers become increasingly more sophisticated in how they consume information – and increasingly sceptical in the process – the ‘love all, hate nothing’ mentality so prevalent in the beauty industry simply won’t wash. Indeed, I strongly suspect it’s why so many people prefer to access product information via blogs rather than print media these days.

What I don’t understand is why some brands and some of their PRs freak out so much when they read a less than glowing review, why they can’t roll with the punches and why they can’t see the bigger picture. When a brand has a reality outage over a bad review I’ve written I often point them in the direction of a review of another of their products where I’ve been quite beside myself with adoration.

Don’t get me wrong, some do ‘get it’ (I often receive emails saying “we know you weren’t keen on X but are sure you’ll like Y” which is great – and perfectly reasonable – approach). These people understand that you’re bound to take a hit sometimes and that in actual fact, being critical of some things makes praise of others all the more powerful when it comes.

I’m sure lots of bloggers will disagree with me about being openly critical and there will be others, perhaps those just starting out, who are too nervous to upset big brands, especially since so many are now clamouring to “work with” us. I totally understand that, and that the beauty about blogging is that everyone can do their own thing. There are lots of bloggers out there whose aim is simply to alert their readers to the availability of a product and who leave any opinion at the coatcheck. And that’s totally fine. I read them and enjoy them, and as with news channels, there are times when not having an opinion is a good idea.

Personally, though, I like to hear what a blogger thinks about a product. One of the things I love about Amazon is the glorious array of conflicting reviews. Look up your favourite album and there’ll be people saying it’s the best thing ever recorded while others will say they hurled it out of their car window in utter disgust. What this array of opinions gives you is perspective. And you need that just as much if you’re thinking of buying a moisturiser or massively-hyped new fragrance as when you’re buying a new TV, car or home insurance.

So to all the brands and PRs out there who still flip out at anything less than a glowing product review I say this: reviews are like sex. Sometimes great, sometimes average, sometimes downright disappointing. But you should never write off a lover just because of one bad experience.

When I first started blogging, several years ago, I used to find spam comments a real nuisance. As time has gone by, and the comments have become increasingly unintelligible, though, I’ve grown to love them. In fact, I rather look forward to them. And today I received one that makes Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky read like a road sign…

Comment: “I acquired vintage choclate red bottoms pumps round A couple of years before, resulting in Two months after my best digital went through the the very best. This coat experienced worn off the very best plus my best digital fell apart by way of.

Therefore, My partner and i went back them along with an exciting new set at zero cost. At present, My partner and i convey all of these books any time that carries a lot additional alert.This red bottoms pumps are so very fashion, and I’m intending to receiving a further set very quickly! They will do marks a little, thus is red bottoms pumpsest moistening them ahead of making them.”

Long before there were cosmetic brands for men like Myego and Menaji (1973 to be precise) there was this wonderful “unisex mascara” from the legendary Alice Cooper. Can’t, for the life of me, imagine why it never took off. Not entirely sure about the BacoFoil boob tube either to be honest.

Two products have found their way on to my desk this week that manage to both delight an infuriate me. The first, is a rather good concealer (nice texture, colour and coverage and at £6.99 a great price) and the other is a new grooming range priding itself on its natural approach to skincare that smells great and is free of all the petrochemical industry’s natsy leftovers.

So what’s my gripe? Well, for me, both products are let down by their names. Given that we now live in a positively post-metrosexual world, where using some kind of skincare (even if it’s just a face scrub) is pretty much part of most men’s lives it’s a shame that some companies still feel the need to heavily man-brand their products.

I know that blunt sign-posting is often necessary if your product is going to sit on a crowded supermarket shelf but surely Mancave can only be aimed at the ever-shrinking number of men who still think skincare is for sissies and need to be reassured that it’s still a butch – nay, Neanderthal – pursuit. And Mancealer is as daft a name as Guyliner, except the latter rolls off the tongue better.

I’ve personally always found the ‘man’ prefix superfluous and silly (though I still think the “For Men” tag has value for brands like Nivea, Clinique and L’Oreal who need to differentiate their men’s lines (often reformulated to suit men’s skin and its unique needs) from women’s. So come on guys, don’t spoil your perfectly good products with thoroughly daft names okay?

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