How Dare You? 2

Mark GottliebThursday, November 13, 2003

ast week I presented the first wave of Acrostic Deck Dare deck submissions. This week I will present the second (and, sadly) last wave. There were so many great decks that I could easily write another column or two just to show them off. But it's time to move on. As I've said, there were hundreds of submissions, and I thank each and every person who sent one in. Acrostics paid tribute to Magic artists, films, books, historical events, video games, and more. HANDEL'S MESSIAH sat alongside ROB ZOMBIE MUSIC. James Groth-Olson made a J. GROTH-OLSON autobiographical deck. Glenn Davis and Sylverfang, picking up on a jab I made in my Dare column, both made the HOMELANDS acrostic deck—and they differed by only three cards. Nick Azer's LEON CZOLGOSZ deck took its theme from President William McKinley's assassin. Jack Oldsteel's SAPROLINGS ARE AWESOME deck competed with Fednis48's SAPROLINGS ROCK effort. Benn Freeman presented a symptom-by-symptom analysis of BIPOLAR DISORDER, while Lars Node asserted that GLOWSTICKS ROCK in his rave deck. And Tad Whitmore broke the 60-card rule for his Battle of Wits acrostic deck (THE WIZARD WHO MEMORIZES A THOUSAND BOOKS IS INSANE). Each card in that deck was related to Wizards, studying, or insanity.

After three rounds of sorting still left me with 75 decks in my "really good" category, I went through one final time with a single criterion for judging them: To get into this column, the deck had to knock my socks off. I hope they knock your socks off too.

So Bad It's Good

Here's the submission from Peter Ingraham (though he's threatening another acrostic deck based on the acrostic decks I post in my column). His theme is VERY BAD CARDS, and he's not kidding.

Each of these cards is pretty horrible on its own. However, when combined, they form an intricate, disruptable, but very evil 3-card combo! Varchild's War-Riders keeps giving your opponent more and more Survivor tokens. Earthlink and Burning Sands mean that if we can knock off the hordes of people fleeing from Varchild's grasp, we can make our opponent sacrifice his or her lands! That's where Aether Flash comes in: get the whole combo in place and your opponent has "Cumulative upkeep: Sacrifice a land." Reckless Assault and Rain of Daggers are hideous creature control cards that keep you alive (sort of) while you set up your combo. Divining Witch is a miserable way to find your combo pieces. Agility is awful—but less so when you consider all the 1/1 creatures you're giving your opponent. The rest of the deck consists of subpar creatures and land. Cyclopean Mummy was even voted the worst card in Fourth Edition!

That's Her

Like with my first Deck Challenge, I got a lot of music-themed decks this time around. (Of course, last time music was the theme.) The most stunning musical submission was Keith Bogart's deck. I was reluctant to include it because it's so long... but I had to because it's so good.

In fitting with the song, this deck is filled with Angels. Early-game options include landcycling, mana acceleration, or a face-down Exalted Angel in preparation for casting large, efficient fliers. Oversold Cemetery can fetch your landcyclers back, and Hell's Caretaker combos with Spirit Mirror to put those landcyclers directly into play.

Show of Force

As I stated last week, there were lots of movie submissions. Monty Python and Terminator had their proponents. Fans of the Evil Dead movies married an acrostic theme with a Zombie deck (as did fans of Night of the Living Dead, Resident Evil, and Rob Zombie). There was a neat little PIRATES OF THE CARRABEAN deck that, unfortunately, had quite a fatal flaw. The most popular movie submission after The Matrix and The Lord of the Rings was, not too surprisingly, Star Wars (the good ones, not the new ones).

Double Acrostic

What really pushed Simon's submission over the top is that he included an bonus acrostic goodie for me: A deck that spells out the message "Using Magic cards, also do me a double acrostic"... while doing just that. It's an astonishing feat of construction that, he says, plays a bit like Psychatog, using Nightstalker Engine as the 'Tog.

Fowl Play

Apparently overwhelmed by the Michael J. Fox quote "Nobody… calls me… a chicken!" in the Deck Dare column, Graham Herrli went insane. This is not the best acrostic deck I received. But it is the weirdest.

Wild Mobs of Super Fire Chickens are conspiring to take over the world with this 5-color deck! Turn all of your creatures into Chickens using Unnatural Selection, and watch as Chicken a la King supersizes your order. If you get into trouble you can always turn chicken (yes, terrible pun intended), and force a draw with Wildfire and Dingus Egg.

The Scottish Play

How about a faithful retelling of Macbeth... in Magic deck form? Shawn Main provides a monoblack deck steeped in murder and ambition whose card choices are so dead-on, playing it should give you high school English credit.

Card explanations:Sengir Autocrat: King Duncan and his attendantsHatred: Macbeth: My name's Macbeth. Young Siward: The devil himself could not pronounce a title more hateful to mine ear. Macbeth: No, nor more fearful. (Act V, Scene 7)Ambition's Cost: Ross: Thriftless ambition, that wilt ravin up thine own life's means! (Act II, Scene 4)Kaervek's Spite: Second murderer: I am one, my liege, whom the vile blows and buffets of the world have so incensed that I am reckless what I do to spite the world. (Act III, Scene 1)Eradicate: Macbeth tries to kill both Banquo and his son Fleance to eliminate the lineage that would eventually become king.Skeletal Scrying: First Witch: Round about the cauldron go, in the poison'd entrails throw. (Act IV, Scene 1)Promise of Power: Third Witch: All hail, Macbeth, thou shalt be king hereafter! (Act I, Scene 3)Endless Scream: Lennox: And as they say, lamentings heard i' the air; strange screams of death. (Act II, Scene 3)Ascendant Evincar: Macbeth himselfRoyal Assassin: The three murderersEmpyrial Plate: Macbeth: I'll fight till from my bones my flesh be hack'd. Give me my armour. (Act V, Scene 3)Slaughter: Ross: Your castle is surprised; your wife and babes savagely slaguhter'd. (Act IV, Scene 3)Mind's Eye: Macbeth: Art thou but a dagger of the mind, a false creation, proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? (Act II, Scene 1)Abyssal Gatekeeper: The porterCackling Witch: The three weird sistersBraids, Cabal Minion: Lady MacbethEbon Stronghold: Dunsinane and InvernessTortured Existence: Macbeth: Better be with the dead, whom we, to gain our peace, have sent to peace, than on the torture of the mind to lie in restless ecstasy. (Act III, Scene 2)Haunting Echoes: Macbeth's vision of the dead Banquo.

As it should be, Lady Macbeth (Braids) drives the action, forcing you into murder. She'll keep the opponent's resources low while you sacrifice Serfs from Sengir Autocrat or your Abyssal Gatekeeper to do away with even more of the opponent's creatures. The Assassins, Slaughter, and Eradicate deal with any creatures that remain. Ebon Stronghold works surprisingly well to let you cast Hatred early. Ambition's Cost, Promise of Power, and Skeletal Scrying keep your hand full, and Ascendant Evincar, Endless Scream, Promise of Power, and Cackling Witch provide appropriate finishers.

'Tis the Season

I started recounting the acrostic deck submissions with a Halloween one. It seems fitting that I end with a Christmas one. Tom Laflin couldn't wait to start jingling his bells and candying his canes, so get ready for Christmas in November!