Dealing with trust issues in a relationship

May 13, 2017

When relationships break down, trust is often the blamed as the culprit. Arguments get heated, hearts get broken and the whole experience can sour the months or even years of happy memories. After all that, if the truth hasn’t come to light you’re left with loose ends and feelings of doubt that could lead to some real trust issues going forward. Fortunately, there is a way to get to the truth before hearts even get broken.

Could a simple polygraph test be the answer to all your relationship problems?

Think wisely before considering a polygraph test for your relationship: even if the results come back and it turns out there was nothing to worry about, trust might have already been pushed too far to go back. Would you rather learn to trust your partner and try to start again or do you desperately need to know the truth even if it leads to heartbreak? It’s a personal choice that only you can decide.

Can a polygraph test save a relationship?

People take a polygraph test to find answers to all sorts of questions and problems. Some people want to clear their name and set the record straight, others come to accuse and have their partners finally face the music. Whatever your reason is for seeking a lie detector test, the results will finally give you the facts you need to make a decision about your relationship: should you try making amends or call it quits?

Some people would argue that if you rely on a lie detector test the relationship is already over, that you can never build that trust again… but that’s not necessarily true. For many people, once their relationship has deteriorated to the point of needing a polygraph test, the final results offer both partners a huge sense of relief. Finally, everything that wasn’t being said is out in the open and dealt with and you can go forward with a clean slate.

It’s not just people in romantic relationships that can find answers with polygraph tests; colleagues, brothers and sisters and all manner of different people can make use of this tool to help re-build trust and finally gain some closure.

How the polygraph test will work

To use the polygraph test to get the truth from your partner, you’ll need to have questions that they can answer with a simple yes or no. They will also need to have consent for the polygraph test to be carried out on them; it can’t be done without their awareness. If you’re volunteering to undergo a polygraph test for your partner then you will be provided with a record of the test questions, answers and the results once it is over. You can also ask for the test audio to be recorded if need be.

Picking the right questions for the test is vital. For example, “where have you been going after work?” is not a question that will work with the polygraph machine.

The Jeremy Kyle show might not be to everyone’s taste but it’s a good place to start with ideas of how to phrase the questions you want to ask into a yes/no style. Common questions on the show include:

Since the beginning of your relationship have you had any form of sexual contact / sexual intercourse / romantic feelings with anyone else/a specific person?

Do you tell lies to your partner on a daily basis?

To the best of your knowledge, is a specific person the father of your child?

You won’t be asking these questions yourself, instead a qualified examiner who can use the polygraph machine without bias will ask them clearly and fairly among a range of other general, non-specific questions to get an accurate reading.

You won’t need to wait long for the results of the test; each question will either come back with true, lie or inconclusive. Once you have the results it’s really up to you how you interpret them and how your relationship goes forward.

Make a decision

A polygraph test won’t tell you what to do going forward, but it lays the truth out for you to see so you can make a good decision based on the facts.

The best advice we can give is to communicate with your partner – that doesn’t mean arguments and shouting! Take the time to sit down, think through the results of the polygraph test and get some perspective. Think about what this all means, picture how you would like to go forward and have a mature conversation with your partner about everything. Don’t lose heart if things can’t be fixed immediately, Rome wasn’t built in a day.

Making healthy decisions is more important than the results of the polygraph test so try not to get hung up on them. What matters is how you choose to use the results and how you continue or end things with your partner.

Fixing Trust

If you’re reading this and are still undecided if taking a polygraph test is right for your relationship, take a while to consider what would happen if your suspicions were wrong and your partner was telling the truth. Would you both be able to move on from the test or will the situation be reversed? Could your partner trust you again if it took a lie detector to convince you that they were being truthful? Some people are genuinely happy to take a test to clear their name.

Sometimes it’s lack of trust in the first place that caused problems to arise. Having trust issues is something that you personally need to work on, they won’t simply disappear with the results of a polygraph test. The test is a useful tool however in overcoming these problems.

It might be time to look back over your life and work on the issues that are causing you to mistrust in relationships, whether the test showed you were right or wrong with your suspicions.