Local fire chief Benedict Redgate this morning asked that local alcoholics avoid the large ethanol spill currently being cleared up on the A14.

A tanker carrying the pure alcohol overturned at 6.20 this morning at the Bythorn turning, west of Huntingdon.

Within minutes of the news breaking, groggy, hung-over wreck-heads started turning up with those wide-bore drinking straws you get in a KFC Crush ‘em. “They were pulling up near the accident scene, and rushing out to slurp up the chemical,” explained Redgate.

“Obviously, this is extremely dangerous – and that’s before you consider that a drink goes really well with a cigarette. Potentially, the whole of Huntingdon could explode!”

Ken Faulstitch

Ken Faulstitch was born in New Jersey in 1921 and is still not dead. He remains a 31-year-old local news hack, is only available in black and white, and it still not sure whether this new-fangled internet thing will take off.