A Drunk Prime Keane Review

Right lads, ladies and others, I’m here to tell you why the top tier shithousery Roy Keane is a must in all your Ultimate Teams, and I may have had a lot of drinks celebrating Christmas with the family and I’m hoping autocorrect can carry my bum so this is readable and your head don’t hurt too much After.

Keane is a proper hard bastard in the midfield, played about 30 games with him in a 4231 with the little man Kante next to him and my god what a pairing, go together better than my parents did.

Pace – The bloke isn’t the fastest, can’t catch up to the likes of Neymar or Mbappe, but that could be because it’s fu*kin Roy Keane chasing after ya so I’d be pacing it as far away from the tough bastard before he absolutely twats them.

Shooting – Luckily he’s my ducking CDM because my shits after a spicey curry has more consistency than his shooting. Scored couple worldies for me but also seemingly attempted to murder the corner flag sometimes too.

Passing – Could pick out Maddie McCann with a pass the blokes magic, pingers left right and centre he takes the piss with it, never misplaces a pass.

Dribbling – For a CDM it’s fine but when on the edge of the box don’t expect some houdini shit turning like a ninja, he dribbles like he’s wearing timberlands and had a few too many, just try and pass it to anyone else.

Defending – Oh my what a saucy fu*kin devil he is, unlike my dad this guy is always there when you need him. Doesn’t matter if it’s Cr7 or Messi or Neymar, Keano is fu*king getting that ball no matter what.

Physical – Keano can run all game like a hamster on steroids and some coke, never need subbing off so he can be that hemeroid that is permanently there in your arsecheeks. His aggression is class and sometimes gives away fouls but altogether funny seeing some players get completely shat on.

Overall he’s a bloody good CDM and a childhood hero of mine, I prefer him to Kante because of the additional aggression and better passing, i think he’s definitely worth it and he’s just a pain to the opponents.

Just as a disclaimer, this is after 1 evening of games, so take it with a pinch of salt Pace: (93) Feels like a hamster on steroids. This boy is rapid. Could catch a fu*king cheetah with ease, let alone your opponents aubameyang. Defending: (80) His defending is decent. He’ll tackle most players as long…

I had a tradeable Prime Lampard when his SBC came out and did him despite being unsure about him at the time. He's had his ups and downs but he's my favourite players and I'm really glad I chose to make him untradable. This is what my team looks like IG: https://imgur.com/a/1FeUPbK Lampards stats: 224…

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