Building Stepfamilies

“Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labor in vain.” Psalm 127:1

Look at the picture above. Notice how the blocks are sitting in all different directions; some precarious, and some solid. Notice the precarious bridges and then notice the single square blocks vs. the double sized ones.

This is a picture of what stepfamilies look like in our country today. We are now a nation in which the majority of families are divorced. Most go on to remarry or form living together relationships.

The US Bureau of Census found:

1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day

Over 50% of US families are remarried or re-coupled

The average marriage in America last only seven years

One out of two marriages ends in divorce

75% remarry

66% of those living together or remarried break up, when children are involved

What a mess we have made of families over the last generations! So much hurt and devastation. We just can’t hide our heads in the sand and pretend it is still the “Beaver Cleaver” days, can we?

During and after the divorce, there is a lot of hurt and chaos as families split, fight in court, and try to vie for position with the kids and the finances. In awhile, the divorced parents may begin to think it is time to think about a new relationships. The financial pressures are mounting, the kids are getting older, which, many times leaves more time for parents to feel the loneliness.

One day, divorced boy meets divorced girl and the road is set for a new marriage on the horizon. Oh, the hearts and flowers swirl above the heads, they can’t get enough of each other, and dreams of a big “blended” happy family fill their minds. THIS time will be different.

The children are reluctant and sometimes, they are completely closed to the idea because their loyalty is with their other parent. They still dream of their biological parents to get together and they are holding strong onto that dream. If the children are very small, they may bond with their parents’ new love.

What this new couple doesn’t know is that there are several areas, just under the surface that may rise before, during, or after the wedding, that will have huge potential to sabotage this new marriage. My husband, Ivan, says, “One of the worst things is when people don’t know what they don’t know.” There is a reason why the majority of remarriages fail!

This week, on the “Chained No More” radio show, my guests will be Gordon and Carri Taylor. They are a remarried couple of 13 years and have built an entire ministry around educating, supporting, and encouraging stepfamilies and those thinking about it. They will discuss the things that can ruin a remarriage and cause another divorce. They will give tips and advice on how to discuss and maneuver through these issues together. Priceless! Tune in LIVE on Tuesday, Sept. 1 at 2pm ET at toginet.com or download the podcast later at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

Take your time in building another marriage and family. It is worth the pause to get it right and be successful. Remember that each family member is coming into the new family with their own hurts, disappointment and expectations. Work through those first before walking down the aisle again. One building block on top of another to achieve a strong stepfamily structure.