Psychology final actually just paying $300 to lie on a couch for a while

The end of the year is quickly approaching, and students are gearing up for a hectic finals week. Students in Dr. John Stauffer’s PSYC 101 class are in for a whole new exam format.

Citing a need for on-the-job training, Stauffer made a few modifications to the standard lesson plan.

“I usually assign a standard 50-question final with an essay question,” he said. “But that wasn’t really cutting it for all of my future psychologists.”

He continued that the current system “doesn’t really show the students how the business of psychology works.”

Stauffer’s new final gives students an opportunity to see clinical psychology from the patient’s perspective.

“The test just doesn’t give students an appreciation for the financial burden of seeing a shrink,” he said. “If the students pay my standard hourly rate to lie on the couch for a while, they learn what this profession is all about.”

Students, however, did not share Stauffer’s enthusiasm for the unconventional testing method. Preston Newson, a sophomore ag economics major, explained his reservations.

“I just took this class to fill an ACE requirement,” Newson said. “I really don’t think he’s even allowed to collect our money.”

Psychology major Jake Meyer had an entirely different view.

“I just think it is so great what Dr. Stauffer is doing for us,” Meyer said. “This kind of experience is just invaluable for someone looking forward to their career as a clinical psychologist like me.”

To this point, no one is sure where the money will go. Some believe that the money will be used for alimony payments, while others think it’ll fuel Stauffer’s aggressive alcoholism.

However, sources close to the matter believe that the money will be used to bankroll Stauffer’s moonlight musical group, The Wet Slaps.