Tuesday, December 20, 2016

it's almost Christmas, today is the 20th and I am sitting in my bed, aimlessly browsing and thinking I should at some point get up and set up the tree atleast.

Every year the urgency is lesser and lesser. I feel I should do it and yet am not motivated enough to actually get around.

Tomorrow a friend and her family visits us. I want to get going before that atleast.

I had plans of cake and stuff, will probably get going on that on 22nd. 23rd is K's birthday and as per the grinch, he didn't want to have anything so will comply with his wishes (so much the better for me!)

Amma and all are off to Bangkok for Christmas and I am so glad they are doing this instead of the usual christmas fare! She is maha excited and so are the kids.

Friday, December 16, 2016

Maggie and I met on our respective morning walks. She with her pint sized French bulldog Frank and I with Sage in tow, my giant drooling golden. The dogs inched forward, Frankie was about 1/5 of sage in size, I asked if he was friendly and she said yes, so we met mid way on the street.

The dogs sniffed each other in every orifice, Frank promptly got onto Sage's back and tried to dry hump him, Sage just sat there with a bewildered expression on his face.

Maggie was in India because her husband came here with a job, she taught yoga and is Polish. We both had our lives wound around our dogs, compared notes on how people thought we were crazy middle aged, childless women humanizing our dogs (which we were in a way), walk routes, vets, silly dog habits and everything else similar to what bus stop moms would talk about.

Our routines changed, we saw less of each other, or more of each other on facebook. She swung by the studio a couple of times, with home brewed limoncello her dad made in Poland and we did shots, I was in the middle of a large baking order and was positively pissed drunk by the time I did the final coating! We had lunch together once when my mom came to stay. We always made plans to meet other than on our walks but most of the times it never worked out.

We once rescued a dog hit by a car on the street and rushed it to hospital. We had different names for the same dogs we met on our walks. Some days we would stand chatting for an hour while Sage pulled at me to go back home for his feed and Frank would be restless to go home too.

Today Frank died. He had a sudden bout of sickness three days ago, it was diagnosed as a possible severe ear infection or a stroke. He was given some medication and saline but was sent home. M was just getting home after a month of teaching yoga in Goa and came home to this. Yesterday he had partial paralysis and by this morning he was gone.

The whole of last night, I was restless. I was in touch the minute I came to know he was unwell and M said they were doing all they could. I asked if I could be of help but didn't want to hover. Yesterday when she told me he had a stroke, my heart sank. I clutched Sage close and asked him to send positive vibes to his friend Frankie. Several times last evening I kept telling K that I was worried for Frank. This morning the minute my phone rang, my heart pounded. I knew it was over.

M asked if Frankie could be buried in our farm and I said yes ofcourse. I got his grave dug in a corner of the plot between two trees. We made the long and sad journey to lay him to rest.

When M and R took out his blanket to wrap him in it, Sage pounced on it and wouldnt let go, growling at all of us who were trying to retrieve it. We had to show him Frankie for him to let go of the blanket.

We put Frankie to rest with his favourite toys and stick and blanket and bed. Kissed by him mum and dad and surrounded by a few of the people he loved. I cannot even begin to imagine what M and R are going through.

The loss of a pet is devastating, especially when it is humanized into a child of sorts. All your parenting emotions are channeled into the pet. They become human, they talk to you, they understand you (or atleast that is what we imagine) and a world with just the two of you is built. But to have no way to process your grief via a funeral is particularly difficult. We buried all our dogs in our old house and I couldn't think of not having a resting place for them. my heart stop sometimes, when I think of a similar journey I will have to make one day.

M said he would love it there, it is quiet and peaceful with lots of birds and trees and flowers. She said she was very grateful for what we had done by allowing her to bury Frank, but that is the least I could do.

If I was in a situation like hers, I know I would have a friend who would do the same for me. I hope he rests in peace.

Friday, December 9, 2016

While driving to the studio this morning, in heavy traffic, going at less than 10 kms per hour, I felt a surge of some kind of energy over me. We were stuck in traffic, I was waiting with my car in first gear, when I felt like a dark curtain fell across my eyes and lifted in a couple of seconds. By that time, I knew that I was going to bang the car in front of me. I desperately was trying to figure out the brake pedal but couldn't. My legs felt like lead. I was not panicking, but I felt a part of my brain had blanked out.

I didn't have the presence of mind to put the hand brake, but took my right foot off the accelerator. That saved me and the car I eventually banged from a lot of damage, since I went slowly ahead and dented the bumper of the car.

Ofcourse the driver got out and yelled at me and I lowered the window and apologised and he asked me to fork out 20 K standing there in the middle of the street. I perhaps made every other driver beside me shake his head thinking of every female driving stereotype they thought of at that moment.

I offered to compensate the driver if he came to my office and spoke to me like a normal person and not a banshee yelling on the road.

I managed to drive on to class, finished my session and still couldn't get over why that blanking out happened.

I had not had breakfast, but I was not yet hungry, not the low blood sugar and hands shaking kind of situation that makes you blank out. I have not been stressed either to have that kind of a situation. I could have been tired, because I have been unable to get a full night's sleep. I have been feeling exhausted quite easily these days. B

I just thank my stars that I wasn't in any serious accident. I think I am going to walk to the studio and have the driver drive me around for a while till I feel more confident.