This week’s wrap-up sponsored by Cafe Rio, who make the best tortillas IN THE WORLD. At least, according to my husband. I’ve never been there because it’s in Utah, but it looks delicious. Also, I accidentally called it “Cuh-FERRY-oh” the first time I saw it because the link had it all one word and then Victor was all “You mean ‘Cafe Rio’?” and then he never stopped making fun of me. And now I want tortillas. Thanks, Cuh-ferryoh.

Oh I don’t know. I vote more cold meds and lots more live tv. A match made in heaven. You are divine, Ms Bloggess, in all of your naked Skype splendor!! Xoxo. BTW those are NOT taxidermied animals at Disney. I wish someone had told me (awkward).

Personally I would claim the Skype chat WAS done nekked. No need to mention the strapless dress. It’s always best to play these things up for all they’re worth. Think of the increase in audience size you’ll have the next time you do a live reading on Skype.

whenever I go back to my hometown to visit my parents, legitimately the first thing I demand is Cafe Rio. THEIR SALAD IS AMAZING. And I know that probably sounds sad, like, “oh wah, I like salads,” BUT GO THERE AND EAT ONE AND THEN TELL ME I’M WRONG

It would help, too, if they told you what you can and can’t say BEFORE they throw you on the air. If they did their research, they should know that cow vagina was going to come up at some point. And the part about the weasel…

Where do you find these things? Robert Downey Jr. can teach me to count ANY day. And how funny that I was just reflecting upon Lucky Charms marshmallows yesterday…now there are so many more than simply pink hearts, yellow moons, orange stars and green clovers. Where the hell have I been?

OMG, Disney World! Last time I was there they had just debuted the new ride Sum of All Thrills in EPCOT. You get to ride a giant robot arm. It is so freakin’ cool! Also, there is a tequila bar in the Mexican pavillion. They have ~flights~ of tequila.

Know why I shouldn’t be on live TV or radio? Because I’d say even worse stuff. They’d switch on the camera and I’d be all “I like toast” and they’d be all “why did we bring her here?” And I most certainly would never be invited back.

Disney World…really? Okay, I know you’re focused on making up mom points or something, but couldn’t you have worked another book tour stop into this trip? Disney World is only about an hour from where I live. I could totally make it to Orlando to see you. It’s not really fair to tease those of us who have not had the opportunity to see you on your tour with the knowledge that you’ll be so close to where we live but we still won’t be able to see you.

Someday, they’ll have a Bloggess “Quote of the day” generator (right up there with Einstein and Benjamin Franklin!) and ALL these will be in the rotation! (Ha! I’m already ahead of the game ’cause I saw them here first.) Here’s hoping you and your family have a freekin’ AWEWSOME time!

When I picture things growing in lady gardens, I picture a huge garden full of flowers, sunshine, fairies and babies growing in little pulsating, slimy baby-pods, kinda like the ones in the movie “Aliens” that had the awful little mini-aliens growing in them that would screech and latch onto people’s faces. Oh, and a babbling brook or a pond or some shit. Somehow, this makes me hate my uterus a little less, though I don’t know why.

I LOVED your interview on NPR today at lunch. Since I had to sit there and listen to ALL of it, I was late for lunch with my writer friend. But after I explained my social faux pas, she’s now looking up your interview online.

Come to Utah and I will treat you and your entourage (you ARE a celebrity now) to a most loverly meal at Kuh-ferryoh with lots of hand-made, warm-right-off-the-grill-tortillas and other good eats. Victor has good taste – in tortillas and bloggesses.

You, know from that camera angle you totally could Skype naked and no one would really know, except that one would inevitably forget and stand up to get something and BAM! Which is why we all shouldn’t Skype naked.

Never think you shouldn’t have made the Lady Garden comment – I got one of the most laughingly effusive thank you’s of ever when i gifted the onesie to my cousin for her new daughter…Of course, it was also paired with the card where Juanita Weasel is screamingly excited about eating *WELCOMING* the new familial addition, which got posted on FB as ‘The funniest card I will ever get’…so thanks to you my social media immortality has begun…but since there can be only one, I bow to you, with humble gratitude

I’m in Orlando doing the Disney thing this week too- when not with the Mouse people at the pool are backing away slowly from me because I am giggling like a loon while reading your book! Have a great time!

Yeah, every time I open my mouth and something unexpectedly outrageous comes out (…which is pretty near ALL THE TIME), it ALSO turns out I’m being taped. For later playback under soberer conditions (yes, Mrs. McGillicutty, ‘soberer’ IS a verb). Go figger.

Chicago is a seven hour drive for me – that’s the closest to me you have been on your tour, oh Bloggess the great. Please, please, PLEASE tell me you’re gonna make a stop somewhere closer to the armpit of southwestern Indiana?! Nashville? Louisville? St. Louis? Indianapolis? Hell, even Cincinnati? C’mon… us midwestern corn-fed kids think you may very well be a certifiable genius. Or maybe just certifiable. Either way, given the chance to meet you in person, I totally swear to have your caricature tattooed somewhere as a testament to my love of the great and powerful Bloggess. (is that enough ass kissing yet?)

Don’t you hate wardrobe malfunctions that aren’t actually malfunctions at all! Somehow, you have actually managed to plan out an ensemble that comes off just totally wrong. Like the time I thought I was being totally hip by wearing a black bra beneath my white shirt…it turns out you can only pull that off if you are a soap opera character.
Your blog is awesome!!!

So here’s the deal, Jenny. There are like, a bajillion people here offering to buy you Caferryoh. I am one of theme. Therefore, you have over a bajillion fans in the greater Utah area. Therefore, you have to come to Utah on your book tour. Puhleeeeez? The math TOTALLY checks out.

My heart sings that you sponsored Cafe Rio today. You should probably do a reading in Utah just so you can try Cafe Rio because it is the best food you will ever put into your mouth EVER. And then you should do one in Vegas the week of my anniversary (June 7thish) because that’s where I’ll be, celebrating it. IN FACT, now that I think about it, there’s a Cafe Rio IN Vegas!

Oh god, it was the ‘naked’ picture that really got me laughing tonight. It’s just so perfect because you really WEREN’T and yet you just KNOW some pervy people were staying to listen JUST for that.
I’m sorry, and thank you for sharing. It makes me laugh because I’m the kindof person who would do a webcam interview without pants on, and forget, and stand up to get something while the camera was still going, thus mortifying myself.
Jenny, you’re awesome. Don’t ever change!

This is why you SHOULD be on live shows! So much better than the conventional stuff lol… just loved your apparently naked skype picture. Rather brilliant of you. And… what a beautiful little girl you have! Such a bright smile! Thanks for sharing🙂

Laughing My Ass Off. I had to write that out, because the acronym was insufficient. Anyway the reason you’re successful is BECAUSE of the weird shit that comes out of your brain! (be it written or verbal!)

Well, truth be told, I see nothing wrong with any of this. My position on this subject will probably not get me invited to live anything either. Have fun at Disney – the pastry shop in France at Epcot is my favorite attraction. Nom nom nom

At least you never ended a voice mail message with “Sincerely, Jenny.” I was so tired during tax season I kept thinking I was emailing my clients instead of talking to their answering machines and embarrassed myself forever.

I know about the mommy guilt… case in point, check out the blog and then the fact that I made this http://t.co/23IbCrd4 to make up for it. Have fun in Disneyland/world, wherever. I can’t wait til my girls are big enough to go.

WOAH. I was literally eating a Cafe Rio salad as I read this. That was trippy.
They are amazing. I wish I had a way to prove that I’m not just a fake teenager made up by the company to come here and pretend to promote them. Maybe look me up on facebook and acknowledge that no PR office, no matter how dedicated, will spend the time to create a facebook page that saturated with girly teen angst.
Either way, they are fucking delicious.

I actually recently interviewed a woman who was inspired to write a book when she was Skyping with her mother, and she realized her mother was nude. So if you wanted any more writers in your family, keep wearing the tube tops!

I skyped for the FIRST time about a month ago. It was with a sub contracted website designer who is from Romania. My being from California, it being a hot night, I was in a tube top sundress.

I had to wait until 10:30 at night to skype him, so that it was morning for him.
So here I am, a tired, tube top, sundress, nightgowny thing wearing, gal skyping Romania at night time. My husband, and kids had gone to bed, but thank god my hubby had gotten up, and informed me of my ‘naked’ look.

Oh, P.S.- I have been reading your blog for a while, this is my first comment. But I actually witnessed you on T.V. and yelled out “Hey, I know her”
O.K., so I don’t really know you, but…………………..Well………….you know……

Ok, so here’s the shit YOU missed because I don’t actually know you…
my 5 year old asked me if I killed a man, and he was being serious…I concussed myself with a pan AS I WAS WASHING IT… the lady in the stall next to me had explosive diarrhea and kept apologizing to me… and I had to tell someone to not drink water out of the air conditioner…and that’s less than half of it.
Also, you DO look naked, but also hot, so its ok.
PS: loving the book

For crap’s sake, I can’t believe how long I’ve been wasting my time on this earth without knowing about The Worst Things for Sale. Please, the obsidian healing orb: my favorite. Thanks for sharing the awesome. XO

HEY THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT
i don’t do twitter and i don’t have time to set up an account just to warn you of an impending zombie apocalypse. so first of all, where the hell is the Activate Early Warning System button on this website?
secondly, did you get so hard to contact all of a sudden because of your new book or because of comments like this?
third, what’s your game plan?
i’m gathering supplies, heading to the high seas.http://www.examiner.com/article/police-shoot-naked-cannibal-during-zombie-attack-miami

Hey Jenny,
I thought of something else to add to the list…
I bought a do-it-yourself vag wax kit today. Who WOULDN’T want to be friends with someone who is willing (crazy?) enough to wax their own crotch? Actually I plan to trick my husband into doing it for me, but still its sort of do-it-yourself.
Kassi

I took my daughter to the zoo and when we were riding the tram a woman in front of us was wearing a tube top dress. My two-year-old was yelling at me, “WHY IS SHE NAKED!?” And wouldn’t believe me that she did, in fact, have a top on and wasn’t riding through the zoo in the buff. Tube tops are dangerous.

Yeah, get yourself to Utah STAT! Cafe Rio is the best food on this whole dang planet. Even my kid is obsessed with them (he’s 4.) The salads are to die for. Like literally, if I ever turn into a zombie, I’m going to eschew the whole brains thing and go for these salads. I’m drooling just thinking about them.

Okay, work with me here, ‘TheBloggess’s Celebrity Cruise’ sorta like when a band does a cruise and its their fans. You and your fam should do one! I can just picture the ‘incidents’ at the buffet. It would be great! Think about it, just remember I get a free ticket for the idea!

Hope you had fun at Disney! I saw your daughter’s end-of-first-grade video right before I read the chapter in your book about your pregnancies. As I was reading the chapter, I kept thinking, “It will be okay, your little girl is amazing and adorable and delightful!”

Are you sure you weren’t naked and then decided halfway through that it wasn’t funny so now you’re trying to play it off as though you were wearing “a strapless dress”? How very Emperors new clothes of you! I am impressed.

Cafe Rio is super delicious, best pork barbacoa anywhere in ever. When I visit my family in Utah (they moved there from San Diego a few years ago in a bout of “we’ve had too much perfection in our lives”) I make sure to gain ten pounds on Cafe Rio. It’s only fair.

My band used to do a lot of college radio and I was constantly putting my foot in the mic, iykwim.
Luckily only like 12 people were probably listening. Once a listener ordered us a pizza. But stuck us with the bill. DOH!

Was listening to NPR in the car last week and heard this chic talking about taxidermied critters with clothes on and thought. “Hmmmff I bet that’s Jenny Lawson” and it was. Kudos! Also, interviews are generally safe and boring, so we’re glad to see you’re not going that route!

Um, Cafe Rio DOES have fantastic tortillas! But if you ever make it out to Utah, get the pork burrito… enchilada style.
I personally think it would be great if you came to Utah, because then I could listen to some of these things you shouldn’t say live on the radio, live on the radio!

I came here expecting to read your take on the zombie attack in Florida only to find nothing about it, plus your GOING to Florida on vacation!!!! I can only conclude that the zombies already got o you.

Once you understand the reason your mom is holding back, ask her under what conditions she would think it would be okay for you to be on your own. Is there an age she feels you need to reach before that can happen? Does she not trust your friends?

I am reading your book very slowly for two reasons.
1. I have to share so much of it, I keep stopping to rwad a passage to my kids, or my friend, or my husband (who then looks at me funny and come on I am trying to share something really important here man!)
2. I don’t want it to end!

Yes, you read that right. I am either the worst mom or the coolest for reading The Bloggess to my kids (I admit to editing your language some). My kids KNOW when it is you and my son is STILL giving me grief that we didn’t fight 2 hour traffic to see you inLA when you came.

I heard you on Dudley & Bob here in Austin, and it was so endearingly hilarious. Carissa from the show is such a huge fan of yours (as am I!) she was talking about it all week. Then she proceeded to get some sort of poison ivy-type thing on her hoo-hah while reading your book in a park.

In short, thanks for some of the funniest radio I’ve heard so far this year. And we love you here in Austin, neighbor!

Ugh I had the same clothing fiasco as your skype call with my passport photo. I wasn’t thinking when I was getting dressed and wore a tube top to get my photo taken. Now I am stuck looking like a naked lady with green hair for the next 10 years. Awesometime.

I couldn’t put the book down (I thought I was the only one who called them ‘Crazy pills’ at least my doctor made me think so) and I am telling everyone I know to read it. Some of my friends are all “Fuck Yes!” and others are all “You thought this was funny?”. It has made dinner parties awkward.

I am posting a note to mention I added you to my blogroll. I just wanted to let you know I really enjoy reading your blogs. If for some reason you prefer not to be listed on my blogroll, just send me a note and I will remove your link (or if you want me to add a comment or more information about your blog that is fine as well). You may view it at:http://justshyofperfection.com/blogroll/
I very much appreciate you and your bravery and humor. Thanks!

Just for the record, don’t wear anything tubey or tank toppy when you get your driver’s license photo either. You will appear to be naked, which is really kind of scary to department and liquor store personnel. It may actually help if you get pulled over a lot… …but still, not worth the crushing embarrassment. * The More You Know! *

No, I think you need to be live frequently, the rest of the world needs to take itself less seriously and I think you can help with that, hard to be too serious when laughing one’s ass off. Just sayin. The tube top however, yeah, don’t do that again. No one over the age of 12, possibly 10, should be wearing those things.

Gah! Caferio!! There’s a town in WV (my husband and I are from there) we drive through now and again named Metalton. Now. How would YOU pronounce it? When I said, “Meh-TALL-ten”, my husband nearly drove off the road in hysterics….Love reading! Want to read the memoir now🙂

All in the Family: Courtney LeBlanc's poetry chapbook is an honest and raw look into the dynamics of family relationships, the good, the bad, and the oh-so ugly; it'll make you cringe, cry, laugh, smile, and appreciate the relationships you have with your family.