If only I could broke down my door, I might not thirst to death, and I may live to hear Denise talking to ME in a sex talk kind of voice! Also, I would LOVE to find a shotgun, an gattling gun, and a lazer gun buried in my yard

How did he get into the forest if he couldn't broke down the door? And how did he know that there was a shotgun, a Gatling gun, and a laser gun, buried in the graveyard? Wouldn't it have been easier just to run away? these pretzels are making me thirsty.

2'd. And, not because I'm trying to be a down-vote *ssh*le. I'll actually explain why if you care. This seems way too fake. I mean, it's not just like some barely literate 12-year old trying to recreate Resident Evil in a poorly written sort of bad, which is what it's trying to pass off as, but it seems like it was written purposefully to be bad, and anybody can write a bad story if they try hard enough, even people who can't write well. The random sex-scene just made it seem like Robert Hamburger work.

Note: If you are ever in the graveyard and a zombie starts attacking your lady friend after an hour of intercourse, immediately get on your hands and knees and dig into the ground with your fingers until you find a shotgun, gatling gun, and laser gun. Don't run away. The zombie will EXPECT that.

That story was f*cking epic. Truly literary genius. The morale of the story is, whenever there's trouble (i.e. zombies), there will always be a weapon either attached to a wall or buried half an inch below the ground, and the way to pick up chicks is to save them from said zombies. Hell, you don't even need to say anything to them, they'll just take off their braw and have sex with you on a tombstone. 5/5