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IMELDA, ‘ANG PROBINSYANO,’ AND POWER NAPShttps://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/19/imelda-ang-probinsyano-and-power-naps/
https://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/19/imelda-ang-probinsyano-and-power-naps/#respondMon, 19 Nov 2018 00:30:55 +0000http://professionalheckler.com/?p=25180Originally published by the Philippine Daily Inquirer on Nov. 18, 2018.

A NEW research published in the journal, Pediatrics revealed that most babies (57 percent) do not sleep through the night. That explains why President Duterte missed those events at the ASEAN Summit.

Last Wednesday, President Duterte skipped several events at the 33rd ASEAN Summit in Singapore. His spokesman said he “took power naps.” To be fair, Duterte’s absence in those events was the country’s brightest moment during the five-day summit.

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Imelda Marcos has been found guilty of seven counts of graft. But the former First Lady is still running for governor of Ilocos Norte next year because she “wants to serve” her constituents. She can actually do something even better: serve her prison term.

Mrs. Marcos failed to attend the promulgation of the guilty verdict saying she was “suffering from multiple organ infirmities.” Even her organs are sick of her.

Mrs. Marcos skipped the promulgation because she was reportedly sick that day – although she partied that same night. Then on Friday, she claimed she didn’t know about the promulgation at all. Do you remember the saying, “Ang sinungaling ay kapatid ng magnanakaw?” In some cases, “Ang sinungaling at magnanakaw ay iisa lang.”

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Last Friday, the Sandiganbayan allowed Imelda Marcos to post P150,000 bail for her provisional liberty – giving her yet another reason to party.

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Imelda is already 89 years old. According to a medical certificate from the St. Luke’s Medical Center, she has seven ailments. And yet, she’s still very strong and full of life. Some say it’s stem cell. Others believe it’s formalin.

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The former First Lady has yet to release an official statement on the Court’s ruling. But some sympathizers have expressed their support for her like Quezon 3rd District Rep. Danilo Suarez, Sen. Cynthia Villar, and the Philippine National Police.

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PNP chief Director General Oscar Albayalde got flak for making comments on the impending arrest of Mrs. Marcos. Albayalde said, “Baka magalit sa atin, matanda na. May edad na kasi.” Thank you Sir for letting us know who was being referred to in the PNP motto, “To serve and protect.”

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The PNP chief gave us the impression it would be difficult to arrest Imelda because of health, age, and the fact that her last name is neither De Lima nor Trillanes.

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Amid the barrage of criticisms being hurled against him on the Imelda Marcos issue, PNP chief Oscar Albayalde complained about ‘Ang Probinsyano,’ the most popular primetime series today. The distraction worked. We all fell for it. Congratulations!

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The PNP chief scored the negative depiction of policemen in the primetime series. Albayalde said the portrayal is unfair to the police force. “I so agree,” said Imelda Marcos.

PNP chief Oscar Albayalde insists the inaccurate depiction of cops in the primetime series gives a bad impression of police officers. Albayalde should be thankful. The impression would have been a lot worse if the depiction was truly accurate.

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Former Makati City Mayor Jejomar Binay claimed he was cheated in the 2016 presidential elections. (No need for a punchline.)
_____________________________________________________________________________________“It is the common people’s duty to police the police.”
~Steven Magee

]]>https://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/19/imelda-ang-probinsyano-and-power-naps/feed/0ImeldaprofessionalhecklerImeldaSANTO RODRIGOhttps://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/06/santo-rodrigo/
https://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/06/santo-rodrigo/#respondTue, 06 Nov 2018 00:45:24 +0000http://professionalheckler.com/?p=25178This article was first published in the Opinion Section of the Philippine Daily Inquirer last Nov. 4.

IN HIS All Saints’ Day and All Souls’ Day message, President Duterte urged Filipinos to “emulate our saints” and help in “alleviating the suffering of others.” To which, Filipinos replied, “You first.”

Less than 24 hours after the release of his All Saints’ Day message, the President mocked the Filipinos’ observance of Undas calling saints “fools” and “drunkards.” He then suggested, “Get hold of a picture of mine, place that in the altar, Santo Rodrigo.” His Ka-DDS supporters were shocked. They said, “He is not a saint! He is our god! No to demotion!”

A Manila policeman attending a Halloween party was allegedly caught snorting cocaine in the restroom of a high-end bar in Taguig City. During questioning, the suspect couldn’t give clear answers and was talking utter nonsense prompting one officer to yell, “Stop acting like the president!”

President Duterte sent flowers to the tomb of Ninoy and Cory Aquino at the Manila Memorial Park on All Saints’ Day. Thankful, the Aquinos couldn’t wait to return the gesture.

Militarization?
President Duterte has ordered a military takeover of the Bureau of Customs (BOC). When he heard the news, Paolo Duterte said, “Challenge accepted.”

Another retired military general, Rey Leonardo Guerrero has been appointed commissioner of the Bureau of Customs. His term officially started last Oct. 30 and will end until the next shabu shipment slips past the BOC.

Reports say President Duterte has full trust in Commissioner Guerrero’s capabilities. In fact, this early, he’s sure of where to transfer Guerrero when he gets fired as Customs chief.

The President justified his appointment of military men in government saying they were the ones who delivered. That’s actually true. Under the watch of former Customs Commissioners Isidro Lapeña and Nicanor Faeldon, some P20-B shabu shipment were delivered.

Bets
According to President Duterte, he will campaign next year for candidates who are “honest” and who are “not corrupt.” Imee Marcos and Jinggoy Estrada are hoping it’s just another Duterte joke.

New Low
From 113th last year, the Philippines’ ranking fell to 124th this year in World Bank’s Ease of Doing Business. The Department of Trade refuses to accept that. You know who else disagrees? Drug smugglers.

Solution
To address the soaring inflation, President Duterte has signed an executive order (EO) that will supervise and coordinate a barter trade in Mindanao. Duterte’s EO took effect last 6000

Trolls
Facebook has taken down several pro-Duterte Facebook pages due to violations of policies. Mark Zuckerberg has since apologized to Duterte supporters for loss of extra income.

Duterte II
Brazil has elected far-right candidate Jair Bolsonaro as president. Political analysts describe Bolsonaro as the Rodrigo Duterte of Latin America. He is a populist, a misogynist, and an advocate of violence and extrajudicial killings. Bolsonaro has denied though his eldest son is a drug smuggler.

Happy Birthday
Star for All Seasons and Batangas 6th District Representative Vilma Santos celebrated her 65th birthday last Saturday, November 3. Ate Vi thanked everyone online who sent her video greetings except for Cesar Montano.
____________________________________________________________________________________“Every day he woke to the desire to take the world by the throat, and choke it.”
~Mary Butts

Sound Bites
“The Bureau of Customs under military control is (1) a patent violation of the civilian supremacy clause of the Constitution & civil service rules; (2) an obvious attempt to undermine the integrity of the military by placing its officers in positions where they may be corrupted.”
~Former Solicitor General Florin Hilbay

]]>https://professionalheckler.com/2018/11/06/santo-rodrigo/feed/00DIGSprofessionalheckler#RIP – PREDICTED EPITAPHS OF LOCAL POLITICAL FIGUREShttps://professionalheckler.com/2018/10/31/rip-predicted-epitaphs-of-local-political-figures/
https://professionalheckler.com/2018/10/31/rip-predicted-epitaphs-of-local-political-figures/#respondWed, 31 Oct 2018 01:56:40 +0000http://professionalheckler.com/?p=25151IN OBSERVANCE of All Saints Day, here are the predicted epitaphs of famous political figures in the Philippines.

1. You’ve been warned.

2. FYI: Death can be revoked.

3. The girl who cried wolf

4. Maang-maangan School of Acting

5. Time has come.

6. He died happy.

7. A quiet place

8. He cannot move on.

9. Transferred.

10. The boy with the dragon tattoo

11. The fugitive presidential kumpare

12. The Government Contractor

13. How did he die?

14. Ms. Senate Inquiry

15. A hard habit to break

16. Wish granted!

17. The (fake) doctor is in.

18. Most Obedient

19. Just Google the verse.

20. She just gave up.

21. Indeed!

22. An inconvenient truth.

—————————————————————————————–“Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once.”~William Shakespeare

Sound Bites
“Observers have compared Bolsonaro to U.S. President Donald Trump — both love stirring up controversy on social media and have harnessed populist sentiment, promising to clear their respective governments of corrupt political elites. But his approval of violence and extrajudicial killings makes him closer to the Philippines’ Rodrigo Duterte than to Trump.”~Fortune on Brazil’s newly-elected leader

Watch the full on interview on GGV on November 31, 2018 after Rated K.
__________________________________________________________________________________________“Whoever is detected in a shameful fraud is ever after not believed even if they speak the truth.”
~Phaedrus

Sound Bites
“A victory for justice, rule of law and democracy for the country.”~Sen. Antonio Trillanes IV on Judge Andres Soriano’s ruling

]]>https://professionalheckler.com/2018/10/24/unaired-interview-vice-ganda-grills-solicitor-general-jose-calida/feed/000000VGprofessionalheckler1CalidaTweet21CalidaTweet1CalidaTweet3ICYMI: SECOND OPINIONhttps://professionalheckler.com/2018/10/17/icymi-second-opinion/
https://professionalheckler.com/2018/10/17/icymi-second-opinion/#commentsWed, 17 Oct 2018 13:28:44 +0000http://professionalheckler.com/?p=25141First published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer last October 14, 2018.

During a Cabinet meeting, President Duterte announced that the recent tests on his esophagus came back negative for cancer. Members of the Cabinet erupted in cheers and congratulated the President. Suddenly, his liver spoke, “Don’t celebrate just yet.”

The President and his family went on an unannounced trip to Hong Kong recently, apparently, to seek second opinion. The next day, Mr. Duterte got the confirmation: t-shirts and jackets cost less in Hong Kong.

Harry Roque is currently in China for a private engagement. But he’ll be back tomorrow. He can’t wait to consult his family, talk to the President, and update his curriculum vitae.

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Alan Peter Cayetano has stepped down as foreign affairs secretary. Reports say he is seeking a congressional post, and wants to be Speaker. Oh, he probably misses it. He’s been very quiet for more than two years now.

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Former police chief Ronald ‘Bato’ de la Rosa, who is seeking a Senate seat, was recently quoted to have said, “Galit na galit ako sa gumagawa ng EJKs. Ang gumagawa niyan walang b****g!” When President Duterte heard this, he sought for a second opinion.

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Feuding half-brothers JV Ejercito and Jinggoy Estrada are both running for senator. But JV, who pushed for the passage of a bill banning political dynasties, believes it’s not acceptable to have two Estradas in the Senate. And the Cayetano siblings were like, “Okay lang ‘yun!”

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Folk artist and staunch Duterte supporter, Freddie Aguilar has filed his certificate of candidacy for senator. Aguilar is a cultural icon whose music we grew up listening to. I can’t wait to not vote for him in 2019.

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Anson Tuana, a 39-year-old senatorial aspirant, who also filed his COC, claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of resigned Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson. A number of people actually believed Tuana’s claim saying ‘the customer is always right.’

Anson Tuana claimed he was an ex-boyfriend of Mocha Uson. Uson’s supporters say Tuana is a liar who spreads lies. To which, Tuana replied, “That’s exactly why we clicked.”

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In Makati City, siblings Junjun and Abby Binay are on a collision course as both have expressed interest in running for mayor next year. Taking a potshot at his sister’s “different” style of governance, Junjun says he carries the “Binay brand, the brand of governance that my father did for the people of Makati.” To which, the Makati City Hall Building II said, “I know, right?”

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The Philippine Drug Enforcement Agency (PDEA) says methamphetamine hydrochloride or shabu has “flooded” the streets of Metro Manila. When told about it, President Duterte ordered PDEA to take over the operations of the MMDA.

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Prices of basic commodities continue to rise but the cost of shabu has reportedly dropped by more than a third. This has prompted the President to revamp his economic team to include people from the Bureau of Customs.

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Former Assistant Presidential Communications Secretary Mocha Uson claims Communist rebels are to be blamed if she gets killed. The country is in crisis. We don’t have the luxury of fairy tales. Next issue please.

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Two persons allegedly won the more than one billion peso-Ultra Lotto 6/58 jackpot. To the administration candidates in next year’s elections, congratulations!
____________________________________________________________________________________“It is hard to imagine a more stupid or more dangerous way of making decisions than by putting those decisions in the hands of people who pay no price for being wrong.”
~Thomas Sowell