we got your warrant swinging

Breaking: Warrantless Wiretapping Has Been Illegal This Whole Time, Apparently

Oh hi, judicial branch of the United States, how are you serving as a check or balance on the executive and legislative branches of government today? Why, by allowing the federal government to spy on Americans’ communications without warrants or exposure to lawsuits in order to keep us SAFE, of COURSE, which is exactly as the Constitution envisioned? Very good then!

The federal government may spy on Americans’ communications without warrants and without fear of being sued, a federal appeals court ruled Tuesday in a decision reversing the first and only case that successfully challenged President George W. Bush’s once-secret Terrorist Surveillance Program.

“This case effectively brings to an end the plaintiffs’ ongoing attempts to hold the executive branch responsible for intercepting telephone conversations without judicial authorization,” a three-judge panel of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals wrote. (.pdf)

Oh so warrantless wiretapping has actually been illegal this entire time? Learn something new every day! See, we were under the impression that it has been a sort of a Fourth Amendment free for all ever since 2001, because of Terrorism and Keeping Us Safe and everything, but it turns out, a warrant WAS required until sometime around yesterday afternoon. We’re sure that this is EXACTLY what the Founders had in mind when they wrote the Fourth Amendment, so kudos to the 9th Circuit Court of Appeals.

Kris E. Benson writes about politics for Wonkette and is pursuing a doctorate in philosophy. This will come in handy for when they finally open that philosophy factory in the next town over.
@Kris_E_Benson

A conservative's guide to the Bill of Rights:
1st – I have the right to hate you, to talk about that hate, and to get paid to talk about that hate. You have no right to complain about this.
2nd – I have the right to kill you, dead, forever. You have no right to complain about this.
3rd – You don't have to live with a soldier. You do have to refer to them as heroes now and forever.
4th – If you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide.
5th – Only guilty people use this one. And you're all guilty anyway.
6th – You have the right to be put to death as quickly as possible for being any one or combination of the following: hippie/black/illegal/liberal commie/terrorist.
7th – You can get a jury in Gitmo. You just won't know they're there.
8th – Waterboarding is totes OK.
9th – We can ignore any law that conflicts with our freedom to oppress you.
10th – STATES RIGHTS FOREVER EXCEPT WHEN INCONVENIENT!!!!

What kills me are the people who say, "I don't care. I have nothing to hide, if it makes us safer, I'm all for it." That's not the point you stupid fucks.

mlle_derp

“Every nation that has ended in tyranny has come to that end by way of good order. It certainly does not follow from this that peoples should scorn public peace, but neither should they be satisfied with that and nothing more. A nation that asks nothing of government but the maintenance of order is already a slave in the depths of its heart; it is a slave of its well-being, ready for the man who will put it in chains.”
― Alexis de Tocqueville

bikerlaureate

Worse, it's usually "if it might make us safer…", since proof is such a pinko egghead concept anyway.

But god forbid the government investigate neo-Nazi skinheads! Oppression!!

Baconzgood

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. NOT!!!!!"

FIXED

emmelemm

"The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. NOT!!!!!"

Sorry, snark fail- I just meant I don't know how to get porn onto that site…

Baconzgood

My snark bad.

Ducksworthy

They really should sue the Obama administration for doing what W. did if they want to limit Executive Branch power. Whats that acronym for "It OK if a Republican does it"? And is there a corollary that "Its treason if a blah Demonrat does it."

bikerlaureate

Any blah, really.
Or any Demonrat.

Boojum

Yeah, but scary black Muslin Preznit.

PuckStopsHere

In a related note, the Court also ruled that the right of citizens everywhere to get their asses shot off while attending a movie is absolute.

HogeyeGrex

When does the Bush Legacy go the fuck away?

Biff

When Roberts croaks or quits.

BaldarTFlagass

We need to vote him out!
What? Are you fucking kidding me?

BigSkullF*ckingDog

When we try him for war crimes and make an example of him?

PhilippePetain

When our kids hear Cherry Pie and they ask what the band's name means, we will just cry and cry, and they will never know what they said that hurt us so.

Actually, having skimmed the decision, what the court said was that Congress had made it impossible for you to sue over it, as they didn't waive sovereign immunity related to the wire taps. As such, you can't sue for damages.

HistoriCat

So it's illegal for them to wiretap but if they DO wiretap there are no consequences? Awesome.

Next up on the chopping block – the need for a warrant to search your home, car or person.

Who says Conservatives are progressive?

Generation[redacted]

And woe be to those who refuse to quarter soldiers in their homes. That's just plain hating our troops.

bikerlaureate

I say they're post-regressive.

If it was good enough for the Know-Nothings, gosh darn it…

mlle_derp

Meh- wake me up when you realize that all the Amendments are unwarranted…

Generation[redacted]

"Hi. I'm the government. You don't need the 1st, 4th, or 5th Amendment rights anymore. In fact, all you need is the 2nd Amendment, and that should be sufficient to protect you from any abuse of government power. Go ahead. Here's a gun. Pick it up. I double dog dare you."

pinkocommi

The government can still strip search me without a warrant, right? Because I LOVE being strip searched. Also.

IndianaKevin

Now, if you'll just relax that sphincter, we'll have you on your way in a moment …