Everyday life as a Domina

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On Sunday, Kazander and I checked in to our hotel and went up to our room.

Loved the view from the tub.

Unfortunately, Sounder was not with me, as originally planned. But that’s because I may have sort of broken him (and not in the fun way that I like to break my boys) last week.

M’kay, so what had happened was…

I went over to see him on Wednesday, feeling extremely sadistic, and he was going to experience some of that.

So I pulled down his panties, tied him down on his bed and pulled out my fun impact toys. I got the flogger, the paddles, the tawse, and the single-tail, and set them out, making sure he could see them. I made sure to come prepared. I didn’t want to break blood vessels in my hand like I did last time.

I started gently, with the flogger. But soon graduated to the paddle and the tawse. Unfortunately, there wasn’t enough room for me to use the single-tail, not the way he was lying.

But that didn’t matter. I was having fun, and he was squirming and thrashing around beautifully. I loved watching the way his body moves when I hurt him. He would tense up, occasionally holding his breath, trying to handle the pain, gasping and moaning and grunting. I loved watching that tension rolling through his legs, arms, and torso, his hands clenched into fists. I loved watching him strain against the ropes that held him down.

In short, he’s fucking sexy when he’s in pain.

So everything was going great. Then, as I was spanking him with the paddle, he said, “wait.”

Now, just so everyone knows, we don’t have safewords, so I never gag him, and make sure he’s always able to communicate what’s going on.

So I asked him what was wrong, and he said he felt like his balls were swelling up. I hadn’t touched his balls in a few minutes, but untied his legs, anyway, to let him roll over.

That’s when he said it actually felt like he turned wrong in his thrashing and tweaked something in his abdomen, right around his hip line, and it felt like whatever he’d done was dripping into his balls. He said it didn’t hurt, necessarily, just felt uncomfortable, and despite the fact that his balls looked exactly the same, he said they felt like they’d tripled in size.

It was the weirdest thing I’d ever heard of. I finished untying him, let him up (he put on one of the few pairs of men’s underwear he still owns, for doctors or whatever), and we talked and hung out for awhile before I went home.

Before I left, I checked again, and his balls still didn’t look any different. So I figured the discomfort would go away.

The next day, he was still sore, and still felt swollen. Friday, it hurt, and was still swollen. I told him he needed to get it checked out, and he replied that yeah, he’d begun to concede to that, himself. So he put a call in to his surgeon and had an appointment set up.

It was adorable, he was wearing his men’s underwear, and made the comment that he didn’t like having to wear them. I love the fact that he was hesitant and nervous about being made to wear panties at first, and now he prefers them to men’s underwear. I loved that.

At that point, we were still planning on him coming over to the hotel on Sunday. We would just have to be very careful, and there wouldn’t be any impact play or anything rough. That sort of play would wait until he got the all-clear from his doctor.

But then, I woke up to a text on Sunday morning (he’s a morning person, but he’s fucking adorable, so I’ll forgive that horrible flaw), warning me that he had just picked up a prescription for pain meds. The cute thing is that his reason for telling me was to let me know that he’d be a little quiet and might doze off, so I wouldn’t think anything was wrong if he didn’t answer my texts right away.

Seriously, y’all… He’s too fucking cute.

I told him to get some rest, and that we’d postpone the session in the hotel.

So that was a bummer, but what could we do? It’s something that was out of both of our control. And as I reminded him, he’s not getting out of the session with Kazander. It’s still going to happen. It’s just going to happen on another day.

The other bummer is that the party I’m having with him, Sadie, and Kiki is supposed to be this Saturday. We’re waiting until tomorrow to see how he’s feeling, and we’ll decide then whether the party is still on, or whether we’ll need to postpone that. Right now, it’s looking promising, but I want to wait and make absolute sure he’s feeling up to it.

He saw his doctor yesterday, and the doctor said that it’s more than likely a tear in his upper abdomen, which can be fixed laparoscopically. The problem, and the concern, is that the tear should not have happened without significant force, and the fact that it did happen without significant force makes him think that there’s an accompanying tear in the lower abdomen. If there’s another tear in the lower abdomen, that’ll be a slightly more complex procedure. There’s also concerns regarding the level of pain Sounder is feeling. He’s got some scar tissue from previous injuries in the area, which may or may not be contributing to some of what he’s experiencing now.

The bottom line is that he needs an MRI, and can’t lift more than 10 pounds, and needs to take it easy. He can still go to work and go about his life, he’s not bed-ridden, but he can’t push himself, he can’t work out, and I can’t beat the living hell out of him.

So the party can still happen, as long as he’s feeling stable. We’ll just focus on humiliating him, rather than beating him. But I also don’t want to risk making his injury worse, so we’ll play it by ear and see how it goes.

So Sunday night didn’t go as planned. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t have fun.

Ever since Sarah wrote me about some basic rope techniques, my interest in shibari has been once again fanned. It’s been so long since I’ve done any of it, I had to give myself a bit of an online crash-course in what I used to know.

When we first walked into the hotel room, I noticed a sturdy-looking coffee table in the “living room.” After examining it a bit, I was satisfied that it would hold Kazander’s weight. I had a general plan in place, but it was still early, and I wanted to make sure he was burning with need. I teased him for hours, grinding against him, reaching through the bars of his cage to stroke his dick, making him eat me out, grabbing and groping him.

I wanted him whiny and horny and desperate. But he wasn’t going to cum.

Hell no, I wasn’t going to let him cum. Sunday was our anniversary, and there was no way I was going to let him cum. He didn’t get to cum on our wedding night, either.

But finally, I’d teased him enough.

So I stripped him and laid him down on the table, then pulled out my rope.

I think he looks so cute all tied up, don’t you?

At first, I just tried a simple ladder, and because my rope skills are that rusty, I actually had to take a minute to remember how to do it. But he was patient and let me mess with him. And it didn’t take long for me to get my rhythm back.

I love putting him in this position.

Immediately, I tied his legs together and up, keeping his ass nice and exposed. I really love putting him in that position. His ass is so much fun to play with, and because he’s not a masochist, I love tying him up like this and beating him, knowing that he can’t get away, he has no choice but to take whatever I decide to give out.

Super awesomeness.

Once he was tied down, I pulled out my electrical kit, grabbed the plug, and plugged it in to the power box. Slowly, I lubed it up and slid it inside him, grinning as he whimpered and moaned, knowing what I was going to do.

But I was nice. I didn’t turn it up too high. I only turned it up just a little past “pleasurable,” so while he wasn’t super comfortable, it was something he could handle.

The power box would shut off after 15 minutes, so I decided to give him that time to ponder his position in life, pointing out that most men get to fuck their wives on their anniversary, and he’s tied up. lying on a coffee table in a hotel room, plugged and tormented because I find it amusing. I told him that his dick is so useless, so pathetic, I would never allow it inside me again.

It wasn’t long before that pathetic dick was straining against the cage. I know he wished I would reach down and play with it, to tease it through the cage and frustrate him, to tease him further, but he’d just have to keep wanting.

I sat down on the living chair and propped my feet up on the table beside him, responding to all the Facebook happy-anniversary posts, and basically ignored him.

And he makes such a good footrest.

When the machine shut off, I took the plug out and replaced it with my strap-on, fucking him raw. I know he was starting to get sore and stiff from being kept in that position, but I wasn’t quite done with him yet. I made him take my cock a bit longer before finally letting him up, letting him crawl to me and kiss my feet to thank me for using him.

I told him to go downstairs, to the 24-hour Starbucks, and get me my Venti nonfat iced caramel macchiato and a bottle of Baileys from the gift shop. He returned and drew me a bath while I mixed the Baileys with the coffee (everything tastes better with Baileys).

Once the bath was ready, I got in and relaxed while he straightened up.

Then, he got in with me, sitting on the floor of the tub between my legs and leaning back against me, wrapping his arms around my leg and just being the sweet, slutty boy I love so much.

After awhile, it looked like he was going to doze off, so we got out of the tub, rinsed off in the shower, and he licked me to another orgasm before bed.

Again, make sure you have blunt-tipped or medical scissors on hand, safe-sane-consensual, communicate with each other blah, blah, blah, all that common-sense stuff.

M’kay, so the next thing I’ll show is a very basic shibari harness, like the one in this picture. It’s pretty easy once you get the hang of it, and you can do it relatively quickly.

Keep in mind, this does take some time to get right, and you’ll need to be patient, but it’s so worth it. This harness is unbelievably versatile. You can do anything with it once you’ve got it on him. You can tie his wrists and/or ankles to it, in pretty much any position. You can tie him to things in a specific position. You can put it on him under his clothes when you go out for a constant reminder of who owns him. You can use this as a starting point for virtually any kind of bondage you can think of. Literally endless possibilities.

You need a long length of rope for this. At least 35 feet, you might do better going with a 50-foot length. Again, better too much than not enough. And bear with me, y’all, it’s been a long fucking time since I’ve done this harness.

Also, when I did this last night, I was very eager to do some other things to him, so I wasn’t going to spend a damn hour making this harness perfect.

Thanks again to my boy, Sounder, for being my guinea pig.

Step 1:

Find the middle of the rope and double it up. Make a knot so you’ve got a loop at the end. Make four more knots, so you’ve got a total of 5. The distance you need between the knots will depend on the size and height of your sub, but you can adjust it as you go, so start with 6-8 inches.

Take the space between the fourth and fifth knots, and put that over your sub’s head, so the knotted length is in front.

This is what the back will look like.

Step 2:

Separate the lengths of rope behind him and bring them around to the front, one on either side. Thread them through the space between each knot, back-to-front, then wrap them around his body and do the same for the other spaces, until you get to the loop at the end.

Make sure you don’t do it too tightly, or you won’t be able to get to the bottom. This harness gets tighter as you tie it. Always make sure you can get two fingers between the rope and his skin. Again, adjust as necessary, and don’t be afraid to start over. It takes practice to get it right.

If you’ve spaced the knots correctly, the last knot should rest right underneath his balls, with the loop hanging down below that.

Step 3:

Now all you have left is the loop at the end. Pull the loop between his legs and behind him.

After threading the rope through the last space in the front, you won’t cross them behind his back like you did the other times. Instead, you’ll thread them through the loop.

Step 4:

Pull the two lengths of rope up his back and thread them through the space just above the first knot, on either side, front-to-back. As you can see, I started to run out of rope. I’m 70% sure this was 35 feet long. But I might be wrong on that, I’ve had this rope so long, I can’t remember what any of the lengths are.

Tie the two ends together in a square knot, and you’re done! If you have extra rope, you can wrap it around the two lengths going up his back, or you could tie him to something, or you could use it to tie his hands behind his back, or whatever you can think of.

The finished product, yay! From here, you can do whatever you want.

Want to use the rope handcuffs with this? Super easy. Go ahead and do Steps 1 to 3 of the handcuffs as you would normally. When you get to Step 4, wrap the rope around the bottom two crossed ropes across his back, along with the loops around his wrists. Then do Step 5 as normal, and you’re done. It’ll be comfortable, secure, and he won’t be able to get out of it.

Sarah, I hope these techniques helped you. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask anytime. I’m sure Sounder or Kazander would be thrilled to be guinea pigs and help me illustrate other things, wouldn’t you, boys?

I’ve been experimenting with Femdom with my boyfriend, and so far we both are having a lot of fun. It’s still really new and we’re going slow but we both like it.

We both like bondage. I really like restraining him. We got a set of those “under the bed” restraints, and that’s awesome. And we have handcuffs too, but those get way too uncomfortable for him because he has big wrists. I want to try tying him up with rope but we’ve been having trouble getting it right. Either it’s too tight and cuts off his circulation or it’s too loose and he can get out. Are there any techniques you know of to help?

Thanks!

Sarah

Hi, Sarah. Congrats on delving into the wonderful world of Femdom. I have no doubt that you’ll fall more and more in love with it, the deeper you go.

I do want to point out that I am in no way a rope master. It is, sadly, one of the few things I have limited knowledge of. It’s something I’ve always wanted to learn, though. Shibari is absolutely stunning, and really is an art form in and of itself.

Case in point.

Incidentally, if anyone happens to have experience with shibari, and lives in the Las Vegas/Henderson area, hit me up. I want to suck the knowledge from your brain.

So I’m not a rope master. However, I do have some basic knowledge that I’m more than happy to share.

Before anything else, we’ll do the whole obligatory SSC thing. If you’re doing ropework of any sort, particularly with methods you’re not familiar with, or suspension, etc., make sure you have a pair of blunt-tipped scissors. Should something go wrong, and you need to get him out of the ropes fast, that’s the way to do it.

First, you need to use the right kind of rope. Nylon is okay for basic stuff. Silk is better (but expensive). And judging by the tone of your question, I’m assuming you’re just looking for a couple of basic techniques to get you started. Nylon will work fine.

You could always buy a ready-made, idiot-proof set like this one. It’s definitely got its advantages. It’s pre-assembled, it’s nice and soft, and it requires basically zero work. I have a set myself, for those days that I’m feeling lazy and don’t want to go through and actually hogtie someone (hint: even basic ropework is time-consuming).

Here’s a picture of my set. Sounder was kind enough to “volunteer” to be my guinea pig for all of this.

Quick, simple, effective. And you KNOW I totally took advantage of this position after putting the phone down. Let’s just say he’ll be very sore tomorrow………

So there’s always that. The obvious problem with a set like this, though, is a lack of versatility. Sure, you could tie his wrists and ankles in the front, rather than behind him. But that makes it too easy for him to get out of. And unless your sub is extremely flexible, like, Olympic-gymnast-flexible, being hogtied is a position he’ll only be able to handle for a short time. So it’s fun occasionally, but this by itself is just not enough.

One of the most basic ways to tie a sub’s wrists together is called (I think) the Handcuff knot. It’s pretty easy. You’ll need about 25 feet of rope for this technique.

Rope work takes way more rope than you realize. A good thing to remember is that it’s better your rope be too long than too short. Don’t waste your time getting 5- or 10- foot lengths of rope. You won’t use them often enough.

Okay, so here we go. The Handcuff knot. Oh yeah, and Sounder is only allowed to wear women’s panties, so that’s why he’s got them on here.

Step 1:

Have him stand with his wrists out, about a foot, foot-and-a-half apart. Find the middle of the rope and lay it across his wrists.

Step 2:

Wrap the lengths of rope around both wrists two or three times. Count how many individual ropes are wrapped around his wrist. There should be at least five, especially if you’re going to keep him in this for awhile, or if you expect him to squirm and struggle and pull on it a lot.

Step 3:

Cross the two lengths of rope underneath, then bring them up and over the two 5-rope-wide sections.

Step 4:

Begin wrapping each length of rope around, until you reach his wrist.

Note:

Make sure there is some space between the wraps and his wrist.

Space. You should always be able to work two fingers in between the rope and his skin.

Step 5:

When you’re done wrapping, it’ll look like this. Take each length of rope and pull it through the last wrap on each side. From here, if your rope is short, you can tuck the ends in, underneath the wraps. Or, if you’ve still got some length left, you can tie a square knot in the center and use it to lead him around, tie him to things, etc.

Ta-da!

You can also use this to tie his hands behind his back, or to tie his ankles together, or to tie his wrists to his ankles, or his wrists/ankles to the furniture, the possibilities are endless. And this is a pretty comfortable tie for subs, so as long as it’s not too tight, you can keep it on him for extended periods (obviously communicate with him, watch his fingers/toes to make sure you’re not cutting off circulation. Common sense and all that).

So that’s one technique. Tomorrow I’ll detail how to do a basic shibari harness (don’t worry, it’s easy once you get the hang of it, and doesn’t take much time to do).

Between her being here, and other things that have been going on, I’ve had a depressingly kink-free couple of weeks.

Like seriously. I could cry.

I even had to cancel plans with my sissy, because of my mom being around. And I haven’t been able to have her back to play with since that first time she came over.

Like seriously. I could cry.

So when I arranged to meet a boy I’ve been talking to (we’ll call him “sounder”) who could host, I was ecstatic. We set up a day and time, and a place to meet. I was definitely looking forward to meeting him.

And then, the night before I was supposed to meet him, as I was driving home from my Femdom meeting, all of a sudden the check-engine light came on in my car, and my transmission wouldn’t shift (I have an automatic).

Well fuck me.

So the next morning, the day I was supposed to meet him, I took my car to the shop, and they said they wouldn’t even be able to look at it until the next day.

Fuck me sideways.

It was literally hours before I was supposed to meet sounder, and I suddenly found myself with no vehicle. I couldn’t get kazander’s, because he was at work. Both of the relatives I asked had doctor appointments.

So I had to cancel on him that day. Which I hated having to do (and have already done once recently, with sissy). I felt like a huge flake.

But luckily, he was very understanding, and we set another time for Saturday. Of course I’d have my car back by Saturday.

………. Or not.

*Fun side note: It has now been almost a week, and they still don’t even know what’s wrong with the damn thing. Which translates to, this is going to be fucking expensive.*

So once again, I found myself with no vehicle. But it was fine. It was a weekend. No one had to work. I’d be able to take someone’s car and go meet him.

………. Or not. Once again, no one’s car was available.

Well, actually, one person’s car was available, but he doesn’t let me drive it because he says I’m “too reckless of a driver.”

No. No you didn’t. So stop bitching.

And that’s only because, a few years back, my sister-in-law needed to get to the airport to have her husband flown out for a liver transplant. The airport was 20 minutes away. She needed to be there in ten. And for the record, my kid wasn’t in the car.

I got her there in 8 minutes. I can drive fast. That doesn’t mean I’m going to. But ever since then, I’ve been branded a reckless driver, and he won’t let me drive his car.

So anyway, once again, it was hours before I was supposed to meet him (well, technically, it was the night before) and I had no vehicle.

I had two options at this point. I could either reschedule again, and basically brand myself a flake forever, or I could ask him if he’d be willing to come pick me up.

Again, he was quite understanding, and immediately agreed to pick me up. We ended up going to this horrible, cheesy, mountain-man-esque type bar (seriously, I felt like I should’ve been wearing flannel) and proceeded to get completely lost in conversation.

We ended up talking for three hours, and it would’ve probably gone much longer, but I needed to get back because I had dinner plans with my mom.

And, at random points throughout the conversation, I found myself damn near overwhelmed by this desire to grab him by the collar of his shirt, bend him over the bar, and have my way with him. More than once, I had to remind myself that we were in public, and you’re really not supposed to do that sort of thing. It’s usually frowned upon by management, you know?

But he’s a blast to talk to. He’s got that dry, sarcastic sense of humor that I love, and he’s well-spoken, and very sweet. And a perfect gentleman, as well. I was really sorry to have to cut the conversation short.

He drove me back home, and I groped him a bit in the car while he was driving, and then we said our goodbyes, and I went to dinner.

But I was definitely looking forward to playing with him. And since he could host, I didn’t have to worry about my mom running around, poking her nose where it isn’t wanted. So I decided that, after I put the kid to bed, I’d go over and play with him.

Thankfully, my mom had rented a car earlier in the day, and I was able to drive that. I got to his house, and we ended up lost in conversation for another hour, just talking about anything and everything.

But then, that urge grabbed me again, and this time, I didn’t have to fight it. I bent him over the island in his kitchen, slid his shorts down, and started playing with the ass I’d been wanting to destroy all day. For a moment, I simply groped him, running my hands across his ass, playing with his hole, reaching between his legs to play with his cock and balls.

Then I told him to take all of his clothes off. He was standing there, naked, hands behind his back, legs spread, as I inspected my new toy.

And I discovered early that he can take quite a bit of pain, which made my inner sadist snap to attention. I grabbed my toybag, and we went upstairs to his bedroom.

I had him lie on the bed, and buckled a collar with wrist and leg cuffs chained to it on him. The cuffs kept him in a fetal position, and left his ass wide open and vulnerable.

Of course I was going to do stuff to it.

I started small, with the smooth vibrator. It had been awhile since his ass had been used, and while he seemed confident of his ability to stretch to the point that he could take my largest plug, I wanted to see how he did with something a bit smaller, first.

Oh gawd, but he makes some awesome sounds when I put things inside him. Squirming and moaning and straining against the chains that held him in place, I was definitely having fun.

And then, in a move that completely surprised me, the chain holding his legs suddenly snapped, sending a few links flying. I laughed, stunned that he’d been strong enough to break it, and simply wrapped an arm around his hips, holding him down as I continued to fuck him with the vibrator.

After awhile, I turned him completely on his stomach and took my flogger to him. He gets so delightfully red, and he can take so much pain. The feeling of the vibrator still inside him, along with the stinging pain of my flogger, elicited some pretty amazing noises.

He was taking the vibrator pretty well, so I decided to go up a size. I knelt between his legs, pushing the larger dildo into him, while he gasped and moaned and squirmed all over the place. And holy shit, his reaction to getting fucked is hot. I was thoroughly enjoying myself, enjoying watching him strain against the cuffs still holding his wrists, when suddenly I heard another snap, and his wrists were free.

Now I was surprised. Granted, it was a relatively cheap chain, and I’ve had it for so long, I don’t remember where I got it or what the chain itself is made out of. But, I mean, regardless of what it’s made out of, it’s still fucking metal. It wasn’t that metal-coated crap. It was actual metal. And it wasn’t insanely thin, either. The fact that his legs had been strong enough to break the chain was impressive enough, but his arms were apparently just as strong. Like damn.

He was completely naked, so I could obviously see that he’s in great shape. But he doesn’t look like those obnoxious bodybuilders or anything. There’s no ridiculous amount of muscle mass there. So I was surprised that he was strong enough to do it.

And immediately, my mind went to bondage, and all the ways I wanted to incapacitate him, to take his physical strength away and leave him completely helpless and at the mercy of my whims. I was bummed that I’d left my rope at home, but I was already thinking of what I wanted to do to him next time I saw him.

I kept fucking him, chuckling as he squirmed further and further off the edge of the bed, his hands gripping the blanket. At one point, I grabbed both of his wrists and held them behind his back while I fucked him, and saw again just how strong he is. It took nearly all of my weight to keep his hands still, and I doubt he was using all of his strength to push against me.

Yeah, I definitely want him tied up and helpless. That needs to happen.

A few days prior to this, he’d bought a set of sounds for me to use on him. I love sounding, but haven’t been able to do it in forever, so I was seriously excited. After fucking him for a bit more, I had him turn over onto his back (keeping the dildo inside him) and grabbed the sounds.

I was nice. I started with the smallest one.

Guiding it into him was insanely hot. But he didn’t squirm nearly as much. Funny how boys tend to stay very, very still when there are things inside their dicks, isn’t it?

He took the smallest one with no problem, so I moved up to the next size. And that was a lot more fun in regards to his reactions. I was loving the way he sounded with something sticking out of both his ass and his cock.

But it was starting to become painful for him, so I pulled it out and turned my focus back to the dildo in his ass, pulling his leg across my lap and fucking him.

I fucked him for a bit more, and then suddenly, he said the dildo was hurting. So I took it out, watched him closely for a moment, and then, when he said he was ready, I slid the dildo back in.

And it was at this point that he uttered the two words no Dominant ever wants to hear.

“Something’s wrong.”

Immediately, the dildo came out and I was on high alert. At first, I was worried that I’d been too rough and tore him. But there was no blood, and based on the way he was describing the pain, it didn’t sound like that was the problem. It sounded exactly like a couple of boys I’ve owned in the past who had problems with hemorrhoids. I asked him if he had them, and he said no, not that he knew of. But man, that’s what it sounded like.

Regardless, I was ready to stop the session, but after a few moments, he took a deep breath, and said the pain had subsided, and he was fine, and wanted to continue. I was wary at first, but decided to trust him, trust his knowledge of his body, and we continued. But nothing else went into his ass, obviously.

The session continued, I teased him, I spanked him, I used my Wartenburg wheel on him, and I completely tortured his nipples. He made the mistake of telling me how ridiculously sensitive they are (silly boy), and I completely used that to my advantage, twisting them, pinching them, caressing them. It was hilarious how he would flinch if I barely grazed my finger against them. And he really is so cute when he squirms. There were a few moments where he’d try to remain stoic, try to “handle” the pain.

I know, I know… But give him a break, it’s the first time he’s played with me.

I had a lot of fun making him make all kinds of sexy sounds.

I started playing with his cock, and asked him how often he masturbates. He said daily, and I quickly decided that needed to change. His dick was far too spoiled, and could definitely do with some neglect. I teased him some more, made him play with himself while I watched, and told him I didn’t want him coming that night, and not at all until I see him again.

The session didn’t really have a definitive end. I actually have no idea how, but we ended up getting lost in conversation again, him lying naked on his back on the bed, while I lied next to him, fully clothed, my head propped up on my elbow, talking and laughing, and arguing the statistical probability of getting shot in the groin (dude, don’t ask). I have no idea how long we were talking, but I know it had to be longer than 45 minutes. When I finally looked over at the clock, it shocked us both to see that it was after 2 am.

I gathered my things, let him get dressed, and he walked me to my car. We hugged, and I drove home.

We texted again today, and I was sure to ask how his ass was, if it still hurt, and he assured me that, other than his nipples being so sore, wearing a shirt was painful, he was fine. I still think he should get it checked out, and I will continue to touch base with him over the next few days and make sure he’s still doing okay, but he’s not exhibiting any of the “red flag” symptoms, so that’s good. He may get annoyed with how much I want to talk about what’s going on in his ass for the next week or so, but he’ll just have to deal with it.

But I’m looking forward to seeing him again. He could definitely turn out to be a fun toy. And I definitely think he’d be adorable wrapped in rope, leather, and chains. That needs to become a reality.

I’m still on the fence about the nerd. We haven’t played since the session where he told me forced bi is a limit. Part of that is because he had a family thing that took up most of his time this week, and part of that is because I still don’t know what I’m going to do with him.

I mean, I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, here. It could just be nerves, after all. The boy is brand-spanking-new (see what I did there?) and it’s a lot to take in for a newbie.

And he really is so adorable. His little mewling cries, his gasping, whimpering moans, the way he grinds against the dildo when I fuck him…. Freaking adorable. I don’t want to have to let him go.

So I haven’t really made any decisions about that. But on Saturday night, zane came over, and I got to play with him for the first time.

And you know what? I think I’ll be okay even if I have to let go of the nerd.

I knew zane was into bondage, forced femme, humiliation, and forced bi. He didn’t have much experience with anal, other than the random self-fingering on occasion, so I knew I’d have to start small.

He came over, we went to the bedroom, and I told him to strip. And once I saw him without his clothes on, I immediately knew that humiliation wouldn’t be the least bit difficult with him.

As I said before, he’s a good-looking guy. Well-groomed, well-dressed, well-spoken. A little on the chubby side, but still attractive.

But dude, his dick!

It was tiny. Laughably tiny. The smallest I’ve ever seen in person. Like, whoa.

Small-penis-humiliation it is, then.

I had him stand in the center of the room, naked, his hands behind his back, while I walked around him, inspecting my new toy. When I trailed my fingertips across his butt, he let out this soft, shuddering gasp that made me instantly wet. So I tied him spread-eagle to the bed and just spent a few minutes lightly trailing my fingers across his body, talking to him and watching him tremble.

Then, I took a short length of rope and tied it tightly around his dick and balls. By that time, I was just aching to put something inside him, so I got the smallest vibrator I own and lubed it up. I fingered him for a bit, first, and I loved his reaction.

He didn’t moan (actually, he hardly made any noise at all, through the entire session) but he gasped and started writhing a bit as I slowly fingered him. I gave him a moment to adjust to being penetrated for maybe the fourth time in his life, and certainly the first time by someone else, and then pressed the tip of the dildo against his hole.

God, he was so nervous! It was so cute. As I started sliding the vibe inside him, he gasped again and arched his back, pulling on the cuffs that held him down. It was freaking adorable.

So I fucked him for a bit, then left the vibe inside him and moved on to the whartenburg wheel, vampire gloves, and nipple clamps. A little pain is good for the soul, after all.

After a few minutes of that, I reached back down to the vibe and turned it on low. I guess he didn’t realize that it vibrated. He was completely startled by it, and it elicited one of the very few moans I got from him throughout the night. Again, I spent a few minutes giving him a slow, thorough fucking.

But then, I figured his ass would probably need a break. He was still practically a virgin, after all. So I took the vibe out, untied him, and tossed him a pair of panties to put on. I spent some time verbally humiliating him, calling him a girl’s name, reaching into his panties to rub his “clit,” or reaching further down to finger his pussy, and grabbing his tits. I made him kneel down and kiss my feet, taking the opportunity to reach over and play with his ass some more.

Then, I buckled a collar around his neck and attached a chain with two wrist cuffs and two ankle cuffs attached to it. It’s great for hogtying, but I used it in the front, cuffing his hands and ankles and effectively forcing him into a fetal position. I did some spanking, some mild CBT, and then put the vibe back inside him and turned it on as high as it would go, alternating between fucking him with it and spanking him.

I was surprised, though. I was expecting his ass to be sore by that point, but it wasn’t. So I left it in and grabbed my vibrating wand, pressing it against his dick. He immediately started writhing and panting, but I kept asking him questions, making him answer, keeping him distracted and not allowing him to lose himself in the pleasure. I asked him about his previous play experiences, about the cocks that he’s sucked, I asked him if any woman had ever laughed at his pitiful dick, etc. I only meant to edge him, but as it turned out, I gave him a ruined orgasm. Oops.

But I wasn’t done with him yet. After humiliating him for cumming in his panties, I started playing with the super-sensitive head until he was begging me to stop. Then I flipped him over, so he was on his knees, ass in the air, and face down on the bed. He was still cuffed, so he couldn’t move. I pushed his panties down, and started fucking him again. And he was doing much better than I anticipated, so I moved up to my next-size-up dildo and put that in him and fucked him for awhile. He was still doing great, so I decided to try my strap-on (which I didn’t think he’d be able to take for at least a few weeks).

But he took that one like a champ, too. So, to reward him for being such a good butt slut, I grabbed the wand again and held it against his dick while I fucked his ass. He came in less than a minute.

And then he collapsed, falling onto his side, panting and breathing hard, goosebumps all over his arms, legs, chest, and butt. I took the dildo out of him, untied him, and spent a few minutes running my fingers through his hair as he recovered. I gave him some water and let him get dressed.

He was adorable. He said he felt like his whole body was buzzing, and he had some trouble remaining upright. I asked if he was okay to drive, and when he didn’t answer right away, I told him to sit back down and hang out for a minute. So we chatted. I asked him what his favorite part was, and he said it was having the vibe in his ass and on his dick at the same time. His least favorite was adjusting to each new toy as I pushed it in. But he was surprised when I showed him my strap-on. He didn’t realize he’d taken something that big.

It took almost twenty minutes before he felt up for driving, so I walked him to his car, gave him a hug, and sent him on his way with strict orders to text me so I’d know he got home okay. And he did, because he’s a good girl.

The nerd came back over last night. Due to both of us being supremely busy this past week, this was only the second time we’ve been able to play.

Still, it was fun. I pushed his limits a little further than last time. I started out by tying him spread-eagle to the bed and fingering his ass a little bit. He was still super enthusiastic about anything having to do with anal, and that was totally fine by me.

I tied him down on his back, and made him look me in the eye as I fingered him. He’s still practically a virgin, so he was unbelievably tight, and it didn’t take much to elicit a sexy reaction from him. Within minutes, he was panting and gasping, and I was loving every minute of it. It’s still such a novel thing for me, for it to take so little to get him going. What kazander and I consider a good warm-up is about all he can handle.

So after a little bit of fingering, I switched to his vibe. He tensed and arched his back as I slid it in. Even as slender as the thing is, it’s still a bit much for him. So I took it slow. Sure, I love causing pain, but I want him to enjoy anal. There’s plenty else I can do to cause him some pain.

Once it was all the way in, I left it there, without turning it on, and found other ways to amuse myself. The wartenberg wheel was pretty fun, especially around his groin. When I ran it lightly over his balls or up and down his shaft, he’d gasp and hold his breath, his entire body tense and his hands balled into fists.

Freaking adorable.

I also introduced him to my flogger, using it just a bit on his inner thighs, just enough to leave a few nice red marks, and make him squirm a bit.

I always love tying a boy spread-eagle on the bed, because they just look so cute when they squirm in their bonds. It’s hard to explain, but just the way they writhe, the way their legs bend and tense as they twist their bodies, the way their hands ball into fists, the way they try so hard to bring their limbs together, trying to protect themselves…

God, that’s the best. And the nerd certainly didn’t disappoint. He’s just so adorable, and so little! I didn’t realize that he’s so much shorter than I am. I’m not insanely tall, at 5’9″, but I’d worn heels both when I first met him, and when we played the first time, so I couldn’t accurately judge. But this time, I was barefoot, and when he took his shoes off, and I approached him, I saw that I’m a good half a head taller than he is.

So he’s significantly shorter than I am (I’m guessing 5’5″, maybe 5’6″), he’s only 23 (a baby!), he’s unbelievably shy (so cute!) and he just has this adorable, lost-puppy type of face. God, I just want to chain him to the foot of my bed and keep him as my pet. Maybe even give him a butt-plug tail.

Yeah, that would be awesome….

Anyway, where was I?

Ah, spread-eagle. Right.

So after the flogger, I turned the vibe on medium and started fucking him with it. And the way he writhed was just freaking awesome. He was panting and moaning and straining against the cuffs, my panties were immediately soaked.

I untied him and told him to get on all fours on the edge of the bed. He’s not ready for my strap-on (dammit) so I had to settle for holding the vibe in place with one hand, and using the other to grab his hip as I thrust into him.

And wow, he loved that. That was the least shy I’d ever seen him. He went nuts, pushing back against the vibe, rocking his body back and forth so I’d fuck him even faster, mewling and moaning like he’d been fucked a hundred times before. There was nothing shy or reserved about him.

Like, whoa.

At one point, I reached down and gripped his dick, playing with it a bit while I fucked him. And within seconds, he’d reached the edge, and I had to stop. He was totally, completely loving every moment of it.

But after awhile, it started to get to be too much for him, and I saw him starting to wince in pain. I wasn’t done with his ass by a long shot, so I decided to give him a little bit of a break. There was no reason to push him to the point where it would be too much. Not yet, anyway.

So I went back to the flogger, letting him deal with the pain of that. My flogger is leather, and rather thin, so it’s light and stingy, and it doesn’t take much to leave little red marks. So I spent a few minutes testing his pain threshold, bringing him to a few more edges, and verbally humiliating him.

But there was something else I was eager to try, something he’d mentioned the day after our first play, so I tied him back down and blindfolded him.

I knew he was ticklish from our first time playing. But he told me that having his nipples licked was actually his biggest weakness as far as being ticklish goes.

Go figure, right? But I was definitely going to take advantage of that. He’s not a masochist, and I wanted to bring him to the point where he’s profusely begging for mercy.

So I went to it. Since he was blindfolded, he had no idea it was coming, and his reaction was everything I’d hoped it would be, and more. I combined that with reaching across and tickling his sides, and that was just all kinds of awesome. I loved it. It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to play with an extremely ticklish sub. It’s something I plan on taking advantage of quite often in the future.

I gave him a break, and turned my attention back to his ass. I used another toy on him, a soft rubber one with balls that start small and gradually get bigger. He can handle all but the biggest relatively easily. I pushed the biggest one into him without any hesitation.

He was panting and squirming, trying his best to handle it. I said, “Aw, what’s the matter? Does it hurt?”

He said, “Yes.”

“A lot?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like a distraction?”

He was about to ask me what I meant, but I started tickling him again and he lost all ability to speak. And tickling him with the toy all the way inside him was even better.

Still tickling him, I reached over with one hand and started jerking him off. It took literally seconds for him to reach the edge, but this time I told him to cum.

And good God, he made a mess. Ah, the benefits of youth.

It was at this point I discovered another weakness, quite by accident. Of course, most men are incredibly sensitive after they cum, which is awesome, and something I enjoy taking advantage of. But he’s more sensitive than most, and when I rubbed the head of his dick, he went nuts. It was amazing, and I spent a few minutes doing that before finally letting him relax, removing the toy and blindfold, and uncuffing him.

So all in all, it was fun. But today, while we were texting, something rather disappointing came up.

Forced bi is a hard limit.

Well, dammit.

That’s the whole reason I started looking for a sub. I wanted to add another boy to my marriage, and Dominate the two of them together. My fetlife profile explicitly states that I am not even a little bit interested in straight men, or men with forced bi as a hard limit. And in all of our conversations, he said that it was something he was willing to try.

So part of me was pissed that he changed his mind. But I took a moment and thought about it. He’s brand-new, after all, and really doesn’t know what he likes. Sure, when he had absolutely zero experience, the idea of it may have been hot. But now that he’s gotten his toes wet, he has a little bit better idea what he can and cannot tolerate. So I expected his interests to change. I just didn’t think it would change that quickly, and without even trying it (throughout all of our conversations, he kept saying he was willing to try anything once).

He said it’s something he’s not mentally ready for, which leads me to hope that he’ll eventually get there. So I’ll give him a few months, and hope it happens. If it doesn’t, I’m going to have to let him go, which I really don’t want to do. He’s pretty much perfect in every other way, but if he can’t/won’t do forced bi, then that means I’ll have to get another sub for it, and I just can’t have three subs right now. That’s too much.

I still have the other sub I’m looking at, zane, and am planning on playing with him sometime next weekend. And zane has enough experience to know, without a doubt, that forced bi is absolutely doable. So if the nerd doesn’t work out, I still have options.

I really hope the nerd works out, though. I don’t want to have to let him go. I think he’d be a perfect fit for what I want, and I think, once he gets over his shyness and kazander’s overall intimidating nature, he and kazander will get along pretty well. I’m definitely keeping my fingers crossed.

The Nerd came over last night. And holy-fucking-glow-in-the-dark-ass-implants, Batman.

I knew this was his first time, and that he was nervous as hell, so I decided I was going to completely capitalize on that nervousness. I wore my black thigh-high stockings, a sheer, thigh-length camisole, and my black over-bust corset over that. With black pumps, of course.

I looked damn good. And scary for a new sub, which was an awesome bonus. Kazander certainly approved of the way I looked.

It was adorable how eager the Nerd was. He got here and I immediately brought him into the bedroom and told him to take off his clothes. So he was standing there, naked, and rock-hard, hairless, and trembling.

And I already knew he was cute. But seeing him naked, I was reminded that he’s actually really good-looking. Slender, but not scrawny, around my height (he was actually a smidge shorter than me, but I was wearing the heels), with black hair and a sweet, innocent face.

Yes please, and thank-you-very-much.

I made him stand there for a minute, while I walked around him, inspecting my new toy and loving what I was seeing. He shuddered a bit when I ran my nails down his back, over his butt, and when I reached lower, to tease his asshole a bit, I heard that soft gasp that I love so freaking much.

I made him bend over and teased him some more, alternating between playing with his ass and his balls. Really, all I wanted to do was grab him by his hair, pin him down on the bed, and fuck him brainless with the strapon, but I knew I had to take things slow.

And I knew the strapon would be too big for him. It’s not for beginners, and especially not for virgins. So that would have to wait.

Dammit.

But still, I had a wide array of toys I could use on him, and I was excited about it.

I have one of those under-the-bed restraint systems, so I had him lie on his back, spread-eagle, and tied his hands down. I didn’t cuff his ankles, because I needed them up and bent, so I could get easier access to his ass. I decided not to blindfold him yet. No, I wanted to see his face when I took his virginity.

First, I just slid a lubed-up finger inside him. He held my gaze as I fingered him, moaning softly and squirming all over the place. He was so tight, it was unbelievable. I’ve gotten so used to kazander, who is well acquainted with ass play, it was actually a little surprising, how much tighter the Nerd was.

I fingered him for a bit, using my other hand to edge him a couple of times (the first of many), then switched to the vibe he bought when I took him to the store.

It was bigger than my fingers, so I needed to go slow. I lubed it up well, positioned it at his entrance, and started easing it in.

I can’t lie… There was a big part of me that just wanted to ram it in, to completely and utterly violate him, to absolutely degrade him. The temptation was strong.

But I want him to enjoy anal. I want him to enjoy and crave being filled, being fucked, being used. And with what I knew of his personality, I needed to go slow with him to achieve that goal. I needed to be gentle.

So I was. I slid it in slowly, giving him time to adjust. He was breathing hard and gasping, still moaning and squirming in that delicious way of his. Finally, it was all the way in, and I started caressing his chest and stomach, giving him a moment to get used to the fact that he was being penetrated for the first time in his life.

And the look on his face as he looked up at me, the vulnerability, nervousness, desire, pain, humiliation, and trust there, was insane. I was already dripping wet, and we were barely fifteen minutes into our play.

Then, after a moment, I reached down and turned the vibe on, setting it to a medium speed. And his reaction was priceless. His eyes widened, he gasped, his whole body tensed up, and he started writhing slowly on the bed, grinding his butt into the mattress.

He wanted to be fucked.

And who am I to deny such a sweet little thing what he wanted?

So I gripped the end of the vibe and started fucking him with it, pushing it in as far as it would go, then pulling it almost all the way back out. I went slowly, letting him savor the experience, letting him savor the sensation. It was a long, slow, thorough fucking, and he was going nuts.

After a few minutes, I left the vibe to continue whirring away inside him, and turned my attention elsewhere. I put on my vampire gloves and ran them across his chest, ribs, stomach, and thighs. Mostly, I was gentle with them, but of course there was the occasional slap to his thigh, or reaching down to cup his ass cheek tightly, or pressing a fingertip to his nipples, balls, or shaft.

Next came the Whartenburg Wheel, which got some nice, shivery reactions from him.

By this time, he was actually getting pretty overwhelmed, and I had to remind myself that he’s completely new, completely inexperienced, and while he wasn’t a total virgin, he hadn’t been with a lot of women, either. I needed to take things slow. What kazander and I would consider a great warm-up was about all he could handle.

So I didn’t take it much farther than that. About an hour after we started, I grabbed my vibrating wand and held it to his dick, while turning the vibe inside him all the way up, as high as it would go.

It took less than a minute. He came all over the place, and I gently pulled the vibe out of him, handed him a towel, and gave him some time to recover. It was his first play session, and his first experience with the sub drop that sometimes comes afterwards, and seemed a little worried. I explained that he’d just pretty much exhausted his body’s supply of adrenaline, endorphins, and seratonin. It’s normal to feel a little “off” afterwards.

So I sat with him for about twenty minutes after the session was over, just chatting and letting him recover. Once he was feeling a bit more steady, I walked him out, gave him a hug, and sent him on his way.

And I’ll have to be honest, I was half-expecting to run damage-control with kazander after the Nerd left. It had been my first time playing with another sub since the very earliest days of our relationship, and while we had both talked about it, and agreed to it, I didn’t know how he was going to react.

So I was prepared for anger, or hurt feelings, or jealousy, or anything like that.

Instead, when I approached him on the couch, he leaned forward, grabbed my panties in his teeth, and pulled them off of me (I should say, I was ridiculously wet at this point, and the panties were soaked).

Well, okay then. I can definitely work with that.

I took my cue from him and grabbed him by his hair, pulling his head back and shoving the wettest part of the panties in his mouth, making him taste it. I leaned over and whispered, “How does it feel, knowing it was someone else who got me this wet?”

He didn’t answer with words, but his dick jumped immediately to attention, and he melted into that mushy, squishy pile of subby goo that I love so much. He and I played for a bit, and he gave me oral, and then we went to bed.

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This is an 18+ blog about my day-to-day life as a Domina, wife, mother, and all that other crap. A chronicle of me. While this blog focuses primarily on the D/s aspect of my life and my relationships with Kazander, Steel, and Sounder, it is not exclusive to that subject, and I might talk about my kid, or my annoying mother, or my sister's pet cat, or whatever the hell I feel like talking about.

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Sounder’s Blog: soundslikejesseblog

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Steel is no longer my sub, but his blog is still wonderful, and worth reading.

Steel’s Blog: Grind_'n'_Throb

It begins over a friendly disagreement, during which you smile, roll your eyes, and say, “Go fuck yourself.”

“But, Ma’am, that’s physically impossible.”

You smirk and ask how certain I am of this. On a roll, I launch into a smug and tangential rant about the anatomical impossibility of an individual’s being capable of fucking oneself. Your response is to merely shrug, smile, and make a cryptic statement:

“Don’t be so sure…”

Later that evening, you tell me bedtime will be early, an hour early to be exact. The amused look on your face says it would be in my best interests not to argue.

Sometimes I fall into a vicious cycle where I’m mentally and emotionally frustrated and cannot manage to channel that energy into productive avenues. In the old days, this would lead to drinking or drugs, but I don’t do that anymore. Instead, I try to go about my day, generally fail to complete mundane tasks and end up feeling ‘stuck’ – this progresses into a cycle of mild depression, feelings of inertia, guilt over said inertia, and then on and on it goes until something snaps me out of it.

It feels like I’m seated in a car stuck in neutral yet compelled to rev the engine until it screams.

When did I last curl up in her lap? It’s been so long, I cannot recall. Despite numbered boxcars on the calendar and the disinterested faces of clocks, a concrete memory eludes me. Time, location, and date, they’re merely three dimensions after all.