Love is the only thing that can save this poor creature, and I am going to convince him that he is loved, even at the cost of my own life. No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I may beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for, do you understand? Do NOT open this door.

Let me out of here. Get me the hell out of here…What the hell is the matter with you people, I was joking! Don’t you know a good joke when you hear one? HAHAHA! Jesus Christ get me out of here! Open this goddamned door or I’ll kick your rotten heads in! MOMMY!

How about a happy news thread for posting happy news articles, think Anchorman with the waterskiing squirrel, or in Anchorman with Ming Ping the panda that gives birth to more pandas, or Anchorman 2 with the top story on America, her being the greatest country in the world. I don’t want to hear about whats wrong with America or russia or north korea or china or the Europes or the Canadas, I want to hear about whats right with those places. I want to hear about a heroic dog that rescues a helicopter from a fire. I want to hear about the president of Earth coming to an understanding with the bear population and all parties benefit and receive tax breaks, increased wages and health care benefits, which in turn affords the bears a chance to get their driving licenses. I want to hear about a Giraffe that cooks meals for the homeless but moonlights as an impressionist artist. I want to hear about a guy who finds a 50 dollar bill on the sidewalk and takes his special lady friend on an expensive date using blank forged checks, wins big on scratch 'n wins and has enough to pay for the forged cheques court battles and some left over for a quality frozen pizza.

Worst case scenario: thread never gets an update past the first post and falls into obscurity. FAST.

Best case scenario:
Actually I have no idea what the best case scenario would be since I have never read a happy news thread.

Luke: We’re not going to make it, your going to have to go on without me.
Han: No way, mister. You’re going to the top of this mountain, broken legs and all…
Luke: You’re crazy, you know that?
Han: Yeah? Tell me something I don’t know.
Luke: Alright, promise me one thing though if I die before I reach the summit you’ll use me as an alternative food source.
Han: Ew, gross.
Luke: Eat me, dammit! That’s an ORDER!
Han: Maybe just you’re love handles.
Luke: I have love handles?
Han: yeah.

No! No disassemble!

R2D2 (parodying tv announcer): Escaped robot fights for his life. Film at eleven.

I wish I didn’t destroy most of my art from the before times, as a cry for help, it too was quite imaginative, luckily I won’t do that anymore, unless its expecially crappy and I put no effort into it. I have a photo of some of those old drawings and could probably make a new version of a couple of them some day.

Dad, WE’RE MEN. That means a few things: We like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on river boat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.