“HOW TALL CAN I MAKE THIS THING BEFORE THE PRESSURE GOING DOWN BREAKS IS ABLE TO STRIP A PERSON’S SKULL AWAY FROM THEIR SPINAL CORD?”

BOOM TOWER OF DOOM.

THAT IS A SHIT RIDE.

…there is a cheaper amusement park close to this house, and it’s a shorter version of it. I went on it twice. I don’t know why. I was pressured on, and got off jittery as fuck. Like I had overdosed on caffeine. The adrenaline was so delicious I went on again. TERRIBLE TERRIBLE. NEVER AGAIN. My 11 year old brother next to me genuinely confused and sincerely asking as we rose up fr the second time “Why am I going on this again? Why did I do this?” and I had no other answer except “I don’t know. I don’t knoooow….sorry. okay shush.” just because talking was making me panic more. And he died. I mean, he was just like EYAAAAGHAGHAKJGNEIT inside. I am awful moral support, I’m sorry baby bro, I’m glad you went on with me, that shit was terrifying. I would’ve held your hand if I hadn’t been scared of breaking your wrist. Also, I don’t think that’s allowed. Glad they don’t take pictures.

We’ve been having some family drama and I haven’t felt like writing about it. It’ll probably come out on it’s own eventually. I mean, here.

I kind of find I don’t enjoy setting out and writing about what I’ve done. Maybe because it’s enough to have done it without having to relive it and write about it. It’s exhausting to do it twice. Especially when it’s not too interesting. Or if it will be something of a downer.

No I think what it is, is that it’s tiring to consider that I have to transcribe the emotions and vague thoughts and ideas to text, and explain and define and it’s nice as recordings but….nah. On top of that, writing it down makes it more concrete as a memory. I’d rather not have this as put down in stone in my mind. This can remain faint, or fade over time. Negative events are things that make a strong enough impression right? They set in your mind and remain more easily than candid, easy, or happy times. Maybe why those who have experienced bad events appreciate peace the more so…..they learn to….hummmm~~~~

Anyways, it was monday, I think….because sunday would’ve been my father’s off-day…..and we had gone to an amusement park but initially planned to go to some resort/hotel and/or landmark thing, and he’d have needed monday in order to do that too…..yeah. So it was monday. And my sister and I came back from my aunt’s tuesday night.

I closed this for a bit because I thought someone was coming in. Tense! It was very panicked. haha

Yeah well…..I’m more worried for the kids. Though they seem to be handling it like I had…..they don’t seem to care much either. Furthermore it looks like Salmon used the opportunity to steal his mother’s credit card to get microsoft points or something….and he got in trouble….and his lies are crumbling around him and he’s panicking…..I’m worried he’s some sort of psychopath sometimes. He can be quite manipulative. Is that a common fear? Good thing daddy won’t stand for his bullshit, but….

My schedule has kinda been left aside too for a while, but I think I should pick it back up again because it seems unnecessary to do so. I was wondering why I’d left it, and I realized it was because I’d no idea what was going to happen tomorrow, or for the rest of the time that I’m here (the summer). And it made me realize how stable my life had been, and how I’d taken it for granted, and how necessary and useful something like that can be. A stable life. Stability, in general. It’s great stuff, haha. But seriously….

dot dot dot.

Anyway, yeah it looks like my stepmother and dad might be getting divorced. Same bullshit you’d expect, my dad thrown in, his unpredictability thrown in, patterns, silence, both still in the house…..that kind of everything is changing mentality but everything is nearly exactly the same in practice…..I hate this bullshit. My dad’s rants about marriage and his wives, hah, my stepmom’s typical derailing a normal conversation into a moral and humanist rant that’s really about my dad but it feels a bit darker now….and sad. Uncertainty, doubt….he talked to my mom about it….poor mom.

I think I’d used books as my “crutch” before, without realizing….my stepmom made a related comment today 🙂 something along the lines of, when you read your focus is on the book, not around you, what’s going on in there….you can’t be distracted or have bad thoughts as a result….and I replied ‘it depends on the book’ haha

my sister kind of laughed, she said ‘yeah but’ and explained, I knew what she meant, etc. I know it would’ve been more….stylish, to leave this unnecessary bit out, but I think I’ve always felt these bits were important. It’s messier and not cool, but it’s more life. Seriously though, the little misunderstandings and clearing up and the person defending their thought, it’s ego and….well, movies….life isn’t style, man, it’s punctuated by style. Even with style, someone’s ego is always the butt of their comment. I kind of like Lestrade’s interaction with Sherlock in The Adventure of the Noble Bachelor for that, he’s at the butt of his jokes, but he’s constantly defending himself and it shows his frustration, resentment, energy, especially after his hard work, and it’s more real. Than just, ‘ooh snarky comment’ looooool and swish of the cape, magician’s dust, nah. Lestrade has a life too, dammit.

…what. Okay bye. Wait no, I’ve also felt the imaginary burden of recording these dramatic events lessened by my sister recording everything exactly as she perceived it, with my answering her questions about the time and such, in ms notepad. She might put it in her blog. Apparently, as she said at the time, in case they ask her about it in court xD I don’t know how a typical divorce goes, because my parent’s wasn’t typical, from what I hear, but this sort of comment would probably have been understandable for their’s. Maybe for a messy one, it was. She also wanted to do so when it was fresh in her mind….it was the morning after…..I woke up and had this dynamite of marriage drama explode in my face, it was completely unexpected. Then again, it usually is, with them. Or maybe it’s with my dad….I somehow just walk into it….

Sister (watching tv): Good thing he doesn’t live in [city-of-my-university]! (dies laughing)
Me: What?
Sister (laughing): He lives in [city-of-my-university] and his dad said he’d be right there and drove. It took him 5 minutes! If it was us it would’ve taken 4 hours! You’d be dead! HAHAHAAHAHA

.

.

Me: LOWER THE VOLUME!!!

Sister: you could’ve just asked nicely…
Me: …I already said this yesterday!

aw man. I burned the first four a little so I was eating them and the youngest one, Zim, comes up with his blanket to his nose and stares at my plate and says “eeeeeehgh why did you make it like that?!” and ran away. COME BAAAAACK THEY’RE NOT ALL LIKE THAT!!!

HeyHeyBIO (no -logy)

Hey. Pseudonyms will be used.

Meez - Me. I'm 20, dropped out of university in May 2012, found out I might have ADD around the 2nd week of 2013 after online classes had started (nice!), diagnosed February 8 2013. I'd like to thank God, my cat, and my left foot for trying to give me a hint with the blog title I'd randomly chosen at 16, and apologize for being too damn thick to get it. This is embarassing.