I hate television. I hate it as much as I hate peanuts. But I can't stop eating peanuts. Orson Welles~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man told his wife he was not going to church this morning for 3 reasons. (1) The congregation is cold (2) The people don't like me and (3) I just don't want to. His wife said "Ok, but here are my 3 reasons why I want you to go" #1 The congregation is not cold #2 Some people there do like you and #3 You're the preacher, so get dressed you're going!

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After many years of marriage, a husband has turned into a couch potato, became completely inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watching TV all day. The wife was dismayed because no matter what she did to attract the husband's attention, he'd just shrug her off with some bored comment. This went on for many months and the wife was going crazy with boredom. Then one day at a pet store, the wife saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble running down the side of its mouth. The shopkeeper, observing her fascination with the bird, told her it was a special imported "Goony bird" and it had a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony bird! The table!" Immediately, the Goony bird flew off its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into a hundred little pieces with its powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shopkeeper said, "Goony bird! The shelf!" Again the Goony bird turned to the shelf and demolished it in seconds. "Wow!" said the wife, "If this doesn't attract my husband's attention, nothing will!" So she bought the bird and took it home. When she entered the house, the husband was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watching the game. "Honey!" she exclaimed, "I've got a surprise for you! A Goony bird!" The husband, in his usual bored tone replied, "Goony Bird, my foot!"

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There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, "I tell you, this mad-cow-disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm." The other cow replies, "I ain't worried, it don't affect us ducks."

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A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head. The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what's going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, "Pardon me. May I help you with something." The blind man says, "No thanks. I'm just looking around."

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

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A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that rottweiler outside?" "Yeah, I do!" a biker says, standing up. "What about it?" "Well, I think my chihuahua just killed him..." "What are you talkin' about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my rottweiler?" "Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

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A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

When the waitress in a New York City restaurant brought him the soup du jour, the Englishman was a bit dismayed. "Good heavens," he said, "what is this?" "Why, it's bean soup," she replied. "I don't care what it has been," he sputtered. "What is it now?"

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Good morning everyboomie.

I don’t understand why spell check doesn’t like that word.

It’s a black day……………………..black Friday.

Black coffee is free in the diner today.

It know it'll be black when I get up at 4:00am.

Ok it’s 5:30 in the afternoon as I type.

Since the company is buying us breakfast, I’ve made the momentous decision to get up at 4:00am instead of 3:30am.

Since I’m getting up at 4:00am, I plan on getting to bed by 7:30pm.

Since I’m going to bed at 7:30pm, I’m typing this diner at 5:30 in the afternoon.

Get the picture? (CHEESE)

I hope so, it’s pretty dark. (black)

My mood will also probably be pretty dark until I get off at 2:00pm, at which time all will be hunky dory with the world.

Ok it’s half time in the game. Time for me to get a shower and put my night gown on.

Have a happy Black Friday everybody.

Don't shop too hard.

joe

Edited by gymcandy1 (11/23/1204:47 AM)

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"Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in." Will Rogers

Fiance and I didn't go to dinner, as he has to be at work at 10 pm tonight. As for myself, I have to be there at 4 am. Fun times. Oh, well, at least since I arrive early, I'll get off early.

I'm going to try to head to sleep now, as I have to be up at 2:30. So, good night, everyone.

Hope everyone has a terrific Friday.

EDIT: Have a great day, Ana. Ha, sounds like your son will be having just as much fun as fiance and I. Sorry he has to work those hours. Hope the rest of his day is better. And hope your project goes well.

Edited by venus (11/22/1207:39 PM)Edit Reason: Ana snuck in :)

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Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Nan, I don't know that it's going to be happy, but it will definitely be working. Have fun feeding the vampire, and hope your appointment goes well.

Haroula, it's Black Friday because it's depressing for those of us who have to work. Best Buy's calling it Green Friday, but their employees have a different opinion. (Actually, "in the black" means doing well financially, so it is closer to Best Buy's "Green Friday" than anything else.) Hope you have a terrific day.

I woke up early, so I actually had a little more time to post this morning. I kept waking up because I'm not used to going to sleep that early. It is time to whoosh now, though, so see everyone later.

Have a great Friday, everyone.

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Interrogator: [True or false?] All mangoes are golden. Nothing golden is cheap. Conclusion - all mangoes are cheap.

Good morning everyone. We had a Wonderful day yesterday with family and some of their friends. Lots of Turkey and the trimmings were consumed. We have a lot to be Thankful for. Hubby is feeling good and enjoyed the day. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Friday. Danish, Blueberry Pancakes, and Turkey Sandwiches in the NC.

NOT going shopping unless it's a true emergency. So far Black Friday (or Thursday or whatever we have now) isn't that crowded. One of the newest shopping centers East of me has practically nobody there. They have all the BIG stores too, Apple, Macy's, and lots of electronics stores and all. Just no Best Buy, no Wally Mart, no K-Mart. I guess everyone is at the 'big box' stores today.

In other news: Son of Tenants who doesn't live here and visits soooo frequently from Los Angeles finally showed up after noon with his new girlfriend. I was walking down to feed my friend's/tenant's cat and SHE saw me and immediately said Hi and shook hands and seemed very very nice. I got invited to the big Thanksgiving bash, but had to decline due to my whatever it is, sore throat, cough, no voice thing. I'm sooo mad I've got something from someone. Probably one of those people coughing and sneezing all over me in Wally Mart on Monday.

But, true to form, Son was out early (7 am) washing HER car. Ugh. I figured he only washed HIS truck but it's a routine. And they wonder why I raise the rent? Some places forbid use of water for car washing (it just runs down the driveway), but I don't want to do that. Just wish tenant's would figure out that rent is tied to 'expenses' and water is one that keeps going up and up around here.

Managed to remember to take out my trash (a day late because of the holiday) but forgot to drag out the extremely heavy 'yard waste' until 7 am and then had to skip all my morning routines to get it out there before the truck (which comes very very early) passed by. Hurt my back. Waaaa. I'm wondering why my yard kid didn't come yesterday to drag out my trash like he usually does? Gonna check the arrest records for yesterday, hope he's not in there again. I really want him to shape up and I sure appreciate his help around the yard! I try to remind him of the behavior he is falling into, but I don't want to adopt all his problems. Praying for him daily.

Off to eat leftover turkey roll. Was yummy with the cranberry/cornbread stuffing. Made some gravy but never got around to mashed potatoes. Maybe today.