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HOW TO SURVIVE AN ANACONDA ATTACK

I thought I would take a quick minute to write “How to Survive an Anaconda Attack” just in case one of you would happen to run across a 20 – 30 foot long snake that weighs about 550 lbs while hanging out with friends in your back yard, or while out walking your dog! You always have to be prepared, and I honestly couldn’t live with myself if one of you were to get swallowed by an anaconda and I hold information on how to survive such an attack.

First let me tell you a little bit about this monster snake! It is a member of the boa family, and is pound for pound, the largest snake in the world. Its cousin, the reticulated python, can reach slightly greater lengths, but the enormous girth of the anaconda makes it almost twice as heavy. They are comparable to the size of a school bus!

They are a non-venomous constrictors(if they bite you they won’t infected your blood with poison, they will just bite through to your liver) . Their main way to kill is by coiling their muscular bodies around you and squeezing until you have asphyxiated (It will crush your lungs so you can no longer breathe) Now imagine having a 30 foot long 550 lb snake wrap itself around your body, and squeezing you with all its might.Doesn’t sound nice does it? Actually sounds really painful! Imagine your bones breaking all at once, ribs, legs, arms, spine, think of your organs being squeezed so hard they rupture, if I were a betting a woman (and I’m not) I bet it could squeeze the poop right out of, and I mean that literally, the poop will come right out of you! Now that’s what I call a life changing hug! After you are nice and broken into many pieces and it completely drains your body from any toxic waste the snake is ready to eat you. This process may take sometime. It starts by stetching it’s huge jaws open , it can do this because they have stretchy ligaments which allows it to open it’s jaws really big , and it will start to devour you whole, slowly taking you in inch by inch making sure to enjoy every last bit of you. If by chance the anaconda is in a hurry for some reason, or you trick the snake into believing your already dead, the snake will eat you alive, Hmm.. I don’t know what sounds better being strangled to death or being swallowed alive? The good thing is once they’ve eaten a big meal they can months without food! So if you are a with a buddy, you could always shove him or her into the snakes path..and get away! I mean they will eat pretty much anything they want, I mean what’s going to stop them? The only thing I could think of would be a T-rex or a Brachiosaur and well if you encounter one of them than we REALLY have some problems! They do mostly snack on wild hogs, deer, capybara, caimans, jaguars and the occasional drunk human. Just in case you are unaware of what these animals look like I’ll post some pictures, that way if you spot one out on your daily walk, you can be alert , there may be an anaconda in the weeds near by!

Ok now that you know a little information on the Anaconda, let’s get to what this post was originally about, how to survivor if you would happen to run into one of these monsters while playing in the backyard, walking your dog, or swimming in your local swimming hole!

1. Do not run. The snake is faster than you are.
2. Lie flat on the ground, put your arms tight against your sides and your legs tight against each other.
3. Tuck your chin in. (We are going to take the playing dead approach, this will hopefully prevent the snake from squeeze the breath right out of you, which seems less painful).
4. The snake will being to nudge and climb over your body. (All 550 lbs if your back needs cracked this will surly do it)
5. Whatever you do.. DO NOT PANIC!!!
6. The snake will begin to swallow your feet first.
7. You must lie perfectly still. This will take a long time.
8. Did I mention..DO NOT PANIC!!!
9. When the snake has reached your knees, reach down, take your knife, slide it into the side of the snake’s mouth between the edge of its mouth and your leg. Quickly rip upward, severing the snake’s head.
10. Be sure you have your knife.

Just remember if all else fails, and you cannot remember all those steps, if you have a buddy or friend with you, you could always just shove him or her in front of the snake and run for your life! The snake will get its belly fully, and you’ll be alive, which is the purpose of this blog, to teach you how to stay alive!