Am I overreacting? With Poll- New Info Page 5 UD Pg 36, 44 & 63

BG: My husband's secretary is 27 years old but acts more like a teenager. She is very immature and flirtatious. She has been his secretary for less than 1 year. To be perfectly honest, I do not like her at all. My biggest reason being that she recently called a 6 year old deaf boy a "retard" to his mother. Being the mother of an autistic child (or just a decent human being!), this really put a bad taste in my mouth about her.

So, please tell me if the following would bug you or if I am being a hormonal pregnant woman who just doesn't like this chick.

Yesterday, for the 2nd time in the past month, she went into his office, got on his computer and changed his Facebook status. The first time, she changed it to "HER NAME is the greatest employee ever. I am so lucky that she works for me." Yesterday, she changed it to "I think I should change my toenail polish to lime green. The pink isn't working for me."

The statuses are stupid and NBD, but the whole idea that she is comfortable enough with my husband to do this makes me very uncomfortable. Additionally, he works in a very professional occupation and I think it is inappropriate. I told him that in no uncertain terms and that if she does it again, I will be asking her (in an adult manner) to stay off his private facebook. He has been very apologetic and seemingly understanding of my feelings but seems to think I am overreacting.

Sorry if this is too long. A lot of thoughts based on 700+ posts. Hope the OP will read it knowing I am really trying to look out for her and realize the best outcome is if her husband was innocent and only clueless of how stuff could effect his relationship with you. The rest of you can skip if it is too much to digest.

What I am about to write about this thread in general has no bearing on whether your husband had thoughts of cheating or not, whether his assistant did or not, or whether discussions in the office were inappropriate or letting off steam in a stressful job with office mates in a job where you have to trust each other to do your job. I've read this entire thread and frankly I could really find no "proof" of anything, just a ton of hearsay, intuition and almost a lynch mob mentality. People were immediately calling for a person to be assaulted or immediately fired simply for talking to a co-worker about her life, even after that co-worker felt it was benign enough to share the conversation with his wife.

Being that your husband is a prosecuting attorney, you more than anyone should understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty, and the mere fact that a racy conversation (that wasn't even based around your husband but different men) took place doesn't mean there was any intention to act (not to mention the fact that he seems to be totally transparent with you with his phone, email, Facebook, has no contact with her out of a work setting and even shares the conversations with you.) Would he have cheated? Who knows. The problem with deciding of course is that the things he will do and say if he is telling the truth are exactly the same things he would say or do if he was trying to cover something up. The reality, though, is that if he is prone to cheat that will be based on your relationship with him, not his relationship with another, and you will both have to examine if something is not right in the way you are being with each other. Cheating isn't the disease, but a symptom of the disease. I am so glad you guys are going to get some counselling to help figure it all out.

In your case it appears that he has done pretty much all that you have asked after you made your concerns known which sounds like the actions of someone who loves you. I'm not saying he isn't guilty, just that he isn't PROVEN guilty so perhaps folks shouldn't be so quick to convict. It seems a pity that an anonymous person such as myself might have more trust in your husband, who works in a position requiring trustworthiness, than his wife, but that is neither here nor there.

Anyway, the reason I started this way is because this thread itself can do damage to your husband and his career, MUCH more than a Facebook prank could have ever done.

I know this wasn't your intent... far from it... and that you were simply trying to work through very valid feelings you were having based on circumstances you had witnessed, but posting it all on a public website perhaps wasn't the safest move. Unfortunately, Google caches webpages, and those cached pages are still available even when we delete things like personal information from our profiles. Being that your husband is a public figure, it would actually be quite easy to track down his and your actual identities and Facebook pages based on a few keywords using his job, state, and first name. I would imagine he and his office would be very concerned about him personally being linked with this thread. The damage you worried that he might be causing to himself could actually be being done with this thread instead.

Again, I hope for the best for you both, and it looks like things are going the right way with you guys now which is great, but you might see if Baby Center will allow you to delete this whole thread now in order to minimize any damage it could cause in the future. Making your Facebook pages private, if they aren't already, may be necessary now as well because of this thread. I understand that this thread probably hit a nerve with a lot of people who may have had bad experiences in their own lives to base their visceral responses on, but these are real people with real lives, after all, so perhaps we could all try to remember that before we join the lynch mob. Good luck to you.