To co-sleep, or not to co-sleep…that’s a hot, debatable topic these days! Of course, we work with families all over the world, who sleep in a variety of arrangements, so we pass no judgment. We make it our priority to respect every parent’s personal philosophies and goals.

But we also make it a priority to emphasize the important of safe sleep practices. And let’s face it, when it comes to co-sleeping, there is quite a debate out there about whether or not it’s a safe way to sleep.

The Overlooked Facts About Co-Sleeping

There’s a lot we could say about safe co-sleeping, but we’ve already made those points in this article, Is Co-Sleeping Dangerous?

But here’s the thing – we have learned a lot about how and why parents co-sleep in the 3 years since the American Academy of Pediatrics issued its warnings about the dangers of bed-sharing in 2011. The AAP went to great lengths then to issue warnings about the dangers of co-sleeping…and some states (New York and Wisconsin, for example) have taken up the call by creating their own anti-co-sleeping campaigns. The goal was to staunch the rising tide of infant deaths related to bed-sharing, and some of the tactics used in this anti-co-sleeping campaign were downright disturbing (like this image of baby sleeping next to a meat cleaver).

For one, most of these campaigns strongly emphasize the dangers of sharing a bed with your baby – but really, sharing a bed is far, far less dangerous than parents sharing a couch with their babies, or a recliner. As Dr. Melissa Bartick shared in a recent article with WBUR, in Boston,

“As states have adopted the AAP 2011 recommendations, the advice to never sleep with your baby has backfired in the worst possible way. Rather than preventing deaths, this advice is probably even increasing deaths. Included in 2009 study that the AAP even cited in its statement for other conclusions, parents of two SIDS babies who slept with their infant on a sofa did so because they had been advised against bringing their infants into bed but had not realized the dangers of sleeping on a sofa. In fact, deaths from SIDS in parental beds has halved in the UK from 1984-2004, but there has been a rise of deaths from cosleeping on sofas.”

And it’s becoming clearer and clearer that not all co-sleeping is equal. An attachment parent who is committed to co-sleeping, and who is incredibly intentional about her family’s sleeping arrangements, is not at all the same as an parent who simply collapses on the sofa with baby on her chest, out of sheer exhaustion. So to treat ALL co-sleeping as dangerous is really unfair; we know that intentional co-sleeping, done safely and carefully, is actually quite safe indeed.

So what does this suggest? To us, it suggests that what we don’t need is a fear-based campaign designed to terrify mothers into not co-sleeping…instead, what we need is a comprehensive system to educate mothers about how to co-sleep safely and with intention, if they do choose to occasionally or frequently (or even always) share a sleeping space with their babies.

In some ways, this is like similar to the sex education that many teenagers receive in school. (Okay, not totally similar, but stick with me here!) There is lots of evidence that abstinence-based sex ed, on its own, is not nearly as effective as programs that teach both the value of abstinence AND safe-sex practices. You simply can’t terrify or persuade teenagers into not having sex, and hope that works. It doesn’t.

Similarly, you can’t terrify moms into not co-sleeping – the evidence suggests that they will anyway. So what if, instead, we focused on educating moms about what safe co-sleeping practices look like?

The fact is, as Dr. James McKenna points out, co-sleeping has been around since the dawn of time. We will never eradicate it, and campaigns that are designed to dissuade parents from sharing a sleep space with their children are bound to fail – whereas campaigns designed to educate and inform can only succeed.

How To Co-Sleep Safely

With all this talk about how to co-sleep safely, you may be wondering, “How exactly DO I co-sleep safely, anyway?” Glad you asked! These resources are great ones, if you want to educate yourself about safe co-sleeping practices:

In the end, what we want to leave you with is this: there is no “right” or “wrong” sleeping arrangement for you and your baby, provided your sleeping arrangements are safe. Safe bed-sharing, safe room-sharing, safe crib-sleeping…it can all work! And your baby can sleep well, and peacefully, in any sleeping arrangement. The Baby Sleep Site® team is 100% committed to respecting your parenting goals, and your family’s sleeping arrangements, and we will work with you to improve your child’s sleep no matter what those arrangements look like. We will never pressure you to change you sleeping set-up; instead, we will work within the parameters you give us, and will respect them every step of the way.

Once you make your choice and purchase, you will immediately receive an e-mail with your Helpdesk login information. You’ll be able to login and start your Family Sleep History form right away – it’s that simple!

What are your thoughts on co-sleeping? Any co-sleeping stories or tips to share?

Our Members Area is packed with exclusive content and resources: e-Books, assessments, detailed case studies, expert advice, peer support, and more. It actually costs less to join than buying products separately! As a member, you’ll also enjoy a weekly chat with an expert sleep consultant. And the best part – members receive 20% off all sleep consultation services!

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3 Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night.

If you’re looking for ways to get your baby or toddler into a healthy sleeping routine during the day, I encourage you to explore Mastering Naps and Schedules, a comprehensive guide to napping routines, nap transitions, and all the other important “how-tos” of good baby sleep. With over 45 sample sleep schedules and planning worksheets, Mastering Naps and Schedules is a hands-on tool ideal for any parenting style.

For those persistent toddler sleep struggles, check out The 5 Step System to Help Your Toddler Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your toddler sleep through the night and enjoy a better daytime schedule.

When a family is expecting a new baby, one thing that’s likely high on the to-do list is setting up a nursery. That’s one of the fun parts of being pregnant, after all — buying cute nursery stuff makes up for all the nausea, leg cramps and constant trips to the bathroom! 😉

What is Room-sharing?

When setting up a nursery for your baby, you’ll probably include a crib in your plans. Whether or not your baby will sleep there, though, is less certain. Plenty of parents prefer keeping their babies (especially newborns) nearby at night. These parents often sleep their babies in bassinets near (or right next to) their own beds. This practice is called room-sharing.

Room-sharing directly affects sleep (both yours and your baby’s); whether those effects are good or bad (sleep-wise) varies from family to family. Some families find that room-sharing helps everyone sleep better; for others, the opposite is true.

In this article, we’ll explore all the ways (good and bad) that room-sharing affects sleep. However, before we continue, I should note that room-sharing and bed-sharing are not the same thing. Room-sharing is considered safe; bed-sharing, however, is inherently risky, if precautions aren’t taken. We’ll talk primarily about room-sharing in this article.

How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Good

Whether your baby sleeps in your room or you sleep in hers, there can be some definite advantages to keeping your little one close by.

It’s breastfeeding-friendly. This is especially true if you use something like the Arm’s Reach Co-Sleeper; one side drops, allowing the bassinet to be pushed up right next to mom’s side of the bed. When baby is so close at hand, it eliminates the need to get up and walk down the hall, leading to faster nighttime feeds and more sleep for mom.

You can monitor baby easily. When you and baby share a room, you’re better able to monitor him throughout the night. And this makes a difference: according to the American Academy of Pediatrics, room-sharing can actually help reduce the risk of SIDS. Some parents find that having constant access to their baby throughout the night actually helps them (the parents) sleep better, since there’s no wondering if baby’s too hot or cold, or if baby’s still breathing.

Nighttime fussiness is quickly resolved. If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know by now that hunger isn’t the only reason a baby wakes during the night. Babies wake due to discomfort, or because they need their pacifiers replaced, or simply because they’re going through a sleep regression. And when baby’s nearby, it’s much easier for mom and dad to offer comfort. After all, simply rolling over and replacing baby’s pacifier is easy; walking across the house to do it (especially if you’re doing it 10 times each night!) is frustrating.

How Sharing A Room With Your Baby Affects Your Sleep: the Not-So-Good

There are plenty of families who find that room-sharing disturbs everyone’s sleep (including baby’s).

You hear every.single.sound. This was me! When my oldest son was a newborn, he slept in a pack-n-play right next to my bed. That arrangement lasted a grand total of 3 nights. Turns out becoming a mom had given me the hearing of a bat; every little hiccup or sigh or grunt from my son caused me to wake instantly. It wasn’t until I moved him down the hall that I finally started getting some sleep! Your baby may also hear every single sound you make, which is not so good, if you have a snorer in the family or an early riser.

You might be tempted to check on baby constantly. This goes right along with the last point; when you hear every sound your baby makes, you end up checking on your baby all the time. (You know — just to make sure that sneeze wasn’t something serious! 😉 ) Not only does this wreak havoc on your own sleep; it can disturb your baby’s, too. Often, those little sights and grunts happen when baby is fast asleep; when you check on her, you risk actually waking her up.

Your baby can develop less-than-ideal sleeping habits. This dovetails with the “nighttime fussiness” point in the last section. When you’re room-sharing, it’s easy to stop nighttime crying by offering the breast (after all, how many people can sleep next to an all night buffet and not eat?), or replacing the pacifier. And that’s a good short-term solution; everyone will get more sleep on that particular night. But is it a good long-term solution? If that happens every night, your baby runs the risk of developing major sleep associations. And of course, sleep associations ultimately mean less sleep for you and, especially, for your baby.

We’ve said it before, and we’ll say it again: there is no one-size-fits-all solution for baby sleep. Room-sharing is a perfect arrangement for some families; it’s decidedly not for others. We recommend finding the solution that allows everyone in your family to get the rest they need (including you!) That might be room-sharing; it might be something else.

Nicole’s Note:
“When my youngest was born, we planned on having him in a bassinet in our room. He *hated* it! Never slept even one minute in it. We switched to a Close and Secure Sleeper between us after that and he was so noisy! I would ‘pat him back to sleep’ even when he was sleeping! LOL That was the end of room-sharing for us with that one. But, we have many clients who room share successfully. All babies (and situations) are unique!”

“Mom….,” comes an exasperated sigh from my daughter, “the boys are awake again!” As a mother of fraternal twin boys (and a singleton daughter), I’ve heard this many times. Often though, I’d enter their bedroom, and find the same one of them up, crying, ready to get out of his crib, and the other asleep, just starting to rustle at the noise from the door.

Sound familiar? What really does make up the difference in sleep patterns between children? Those of you with one child who has sleep challenges may wonder, will we face this again with baby number two (or three, or four)—or is there something different that we can do next time? Can we change the sleep patterns of our current baby? And, every family with more than one child probably recognizes the similarities and differences in their children’s sleep.

Rather than feeling twinges the green-eyed monster jealousy for your neighbor, because her baby sleeps through the night AND her baby naps well, let’s look at some new research on what factors do influence sleep. No wonder she has time to do her nails.

An Italian study on twin sleep, just published this month in Pediatrics concludes that sleep disturbances in early childhood are shaped by BOTH environmental AND genetic factors. We knew that though, right? Remember the whole nature vs. nurture debate? This study found that nurture, or the environment that a child is raised with, affects sleep more than nature, or the genetic makeup of the child. Twin studies are invaluable to learn about topics like this, because they look at babies or children who share the same environment and genes (in the case of identical twins—fraternal twins only share about 50% of the same genetic makeup).

The results of this study show, that while there are some things about our babies’ sleep that we can’t change based on their genes, the good news is that there is even MORE that we can change. This can help both us and them receive better rest, based on our sleep behaviors with them.

So, don’t look at it with the glass half empty–thinking that your rocking, walking, or bouncing and holding until baby is asleep has prevented your baby’s chance at good sleep. In fact, you did what was right for her at the time! Maybe she was sick or teething, and you did what was necessary. The glass half full attitude, says, “Yes…I did what was right at the time, and now there are things I can change to help my baby sleep better.” It may be time to help coach your child toward better sleep.

What factors did the study look at? It looked at factors that concern parents just like you ever day, such as:

Co-sleeping

98% Environmental Causes

Night waking episodes

63% Environmental Causes

Night sleep duration

64% Environmental Causes

Nap duration

61% Environmental Causes

For each of these items, it means the things our baby does (especially co-sleeping, which isn’t necessarily bad, and many parents do by choice) are greatly influenced by our actions, and how we respond to our baby. There is no right or wrong when you do what’s best for your family. But, there are methods that can be implemented to help your family rest.

As for me, at this point my twins are 18 months old, and I am quite convinced that their slight differences in night sleep and nap duration are genetic changes between the two. They sleep great at night, and 95% of the time nap well also. So, the fact that one boy wakes a few minutes than the other? I think that’s an example of the genetic differences between them. They are fraternal twins, so genetically more like regular siblings than an identical genetic makeup. I do keep them on exactly the same schedule, and learned by trial and error to do that when they were younger babies also. They have almost always slept in the same room, except when we were working with the one twin who sleeps a little less. Everything else was done consistently, so they have essentially the same sleeping patterns, not just because they are twin brothers—but because I coached them with the exact same sleep behaviors.

The next time you hear a night time cry coming down the hall, question if this waking is natural for a needed feeding session or if it’s truly time to get up. If not, it may be something you could help change through the use of different behaviors and changing sleep associations.

For those persistent nighttime struggles, check out The 3-Step System to Help Your Baby Sleep. Using the same unique approach and practical tools for success, this e-book helps you and your baby sleep through the night. For those looking for a more customized solution for your unique situation with support along the way, please consider one-on-one baby and toddler sleep consultations, where you will receive a Personalized Sleep Plan™ you can feel good about!

This week’s post is by our new assistant sleep consultant, Heather Matthies. Heather will work with us to create personalized sleep solutions for tired families and provide support during the process. Heather is a registered nurse and holds both a Bachelor’s and Master’s of Science in Nursing. She has many years of professional experience and is a kind, warm person. She’s also the mother of three, including twins, and knows just what it’s like to juggle the many demands of parenthood! Please give Heather a warm welcome to The Baby Sleep Site.

When I was pregnant with my first, I was adamantly against co-sleeping. The reason was that I saw how difficult it was for other parents to get their child out of their bed, months and years later. Although I knew it was right for some, it wasn’t for me. Before you have kids you have all these ideas about how you will do things, but after the baby comes it’s a whole new ball game. I did end up co-sleeping with my first baby for about 2 months and with my second for just 3 nights. This article will talk about whether co-sleeping is a viable solution for you and your baby’s sleep problems or not.

My first son was a challenging sleeper from basically the beginning. Once the newborn sleep-all-day stuff wore off, he was difficult to soothe to sleep for every nap and especially at bedtime. I had to rock him for 2-3 hours (I’m not exaggerating) only for him to sleep for an hour or two before needing to be rocked again. It wasn’t that he wasn’t tired. He’d fall asleep just fine, but would wake up whenever we’d put him down. I know many of you relate.

Once my son was 2 months old, out of necessity, co-sleeping was the only solution. I had gone back to work and just couldn’t hack it anymore. Getting up every 2 hours was not even a possibility anymore. Co-sleeping was just a temporary solution for us, though. The main difficulty for me was that I was getting depressed going to bed every night at 7 p.m. and missing out on time with my husband. More than that, he was still waking every 2 hours to breastfeed for 30 seconds to go back to sleep and although he went right back to sleep, I didn’t always. I was getting more sleep, at least, but it still wasn’t the best and I was petrified I was going to roll on top of him or my husband would cover him with blankets. So, we did transition back to the crib at 4 months when I learned about 4 month sleep and sleep associations. Once he was gone, I did miss him. But, it was the best thing for me and my family. We were all happier after that, mostly because he was getting way more sleep than ever, since he was so cranky without it (still is!).

Although co-sleeping wasn’t a long-term solution for us, I do believe that it can be for others. We only did it 2 months, but it doesn’t mean others can’t do it longer and still be successful at helping your baby sleep better. Knowing what I know now, I know that you can co-sleep, you can break sleep associations if you must, and you don’t have to let your child sleep with you until they are 8 if you don’t want to. I have personally helped many parents transition from co-sleeping to crib at a variety of ages.

Co-sleeping Solution

If your baby is having sleep problems, co-sleeping might be a good solution for you. Whether you are breast feeding or bottle feeding, if numerous night wakings are doing more harm than good for either of you and you feel your baby is too young to learn to self-soothe, you may find simply sleeping together is the best option. This is a personal decision for each family. The main thing is that you do co-sleep SAFELY. There have been several recent news articles about the risks of bed sharing and the increase of suffocations. The thing to keep in mind is sleeping on a couch, sofa or other unsafe place is included in these statistics and there are safe ways to co-sleep.

For co-sleeping to be a solution for you and your family, it is best when both parents are on board as a first step. In my case, my husband did support my decision. He did want a sane wife. 😀 In some cases, a partner will take up temporary residence in a guest room to get more sleep. Here are some guidelines for safe co-sleeping:

• Do not co-sleep if you’ve been drinking, on drugs or on medication that makes you too drowsy

• Do not smoke in the room you are co-sleeping as it’s an increased risk to SIDS

• Do not co-sleep if you have a too-soft mattress or waterbed

• Do not co-sleep where baby can get stuck in a hole or crevice (such as between you and the back of the couch)

• Do not place a baby to sleep next to an older child

• Do sleep on a firm mattress with not too much adult bedding (too much bedding in a crib is just as dangerous!)

Co-sleeping is not a solution for everyone and my philosophy is that we all must find our own way to parent our children and find the right solution to our baby’s sleep problems. Hopefully this article has helped you determine whether co-sleeping is the right solution for you and your family. Keep in mind that even co-sleeping, you may need manage sleep associations in order for all of you to sleep well. And, when you are ready to transition to crib, I typically recommend a slower approach the longer you’ve been co-sleeping. I don’t typically recommend jumping to cry it out for long-term co-sleepers. If you’d like to discuss options, I’m always here.