I was delighted to see a new TLW story in English! I thought I was the only author still writing those...(See the Mature fics here.)

You have captured the early Marguerite from the show well, with all that I despised about her. I was once married to a similar woman who even looked a LOT like her, and I felt substantial sympathy for John Roxton. I longed for her to mature and mellow, as indeed she did.

Your entry reminded me of three stories that I wrote that had Marguerite exposed to the wilderness at night, so what she might encounter was well in my mind. I think you dealt with most elements well. I might have had her get up a tree. Given the fire, I recall that Amerindians said that the Indian makes a small fire and gets close; stays warm. The white man makes a big fire and stays away from it. I think Marguerite might have made a small fire, in hopes that observers might think she was a Zanga. Wouldn't matter to a nocturnal predator, but might affect human behavior toward her.

You noted her rifle, blanket, and other gear pretty well. (No compass?) And her hesitancy as she realized how stupid her argument had been, but stubborness wouldn't let her admit it and seek Roxton's forgiveness. ("Fine!" does not mean "fine" in femalespeak...)(Rolling Eyes Smilie here)

I like that you noted the omnipresent-but-changing background sounds of the jungle. It helps the reader to "be there."

You built tension well and plausibly. And you had John put up with this witch yet again and follow to protect her in spite of herself. (He must be a masochist.)

Maybe if he brews coffee, all will be well? I always thought that the way to her heart was through coffee and diamonds.

This was well done, in little space, but captured both characters well and the surroundings. Nicely written, and without flaw that I could detect. And it's in English!

Gemini Explorer

Beckers chapter 1 . 5/15/2012

Well done! Perfect characterizations. I really miss The Lost World ...

Gemimaa chapter 1 . 5/15/2012

This was really lovely. Short and sweet. You have a very clear writing style too. :)