Im Almost there...

I am at breaking point... I cant give a fuck about any of this anymore.. I just cant do this. I cant stop crying, I cant stop cutting. Im really craving a drink righ now. I cant phone anyone. I dont want to phone anyone because Im sick of getting told that I am only wanting to top meself for attention otherwise I would just do it so fuck it... Ive got my way... Ive had enough now. These thoughts are stopping tonight.

no, no, NO, please don't kill yourself. i know how you're feeling. believe me, i've going through it plenty of times... but you just can't let those thoughts win. and i DO NOT think you are doing this for attention. so, just, take a step back and tell yourself you're not going to do it tonight. that you'll wait, til, say, next week or something. it's the same thing with cutting. sometimes, when i get the urge to cut really badly, i imagine that the body part i'm going to cut on is actually my best friend. i wouldn't be able to hurt her, so i don't cut. find ways to stop yourself. i know that you are probably desperate right now and don't know where to turn and you feel like there's so much shit going on in your head that you just can't take it anymore... but you can get rid of those thoughts... or, at least, stop them from being so overwhelming. talk to someone. talk to someone here on the site. talk to your family? friends? if you want to, you can talk to me,just message me, but you're probably reading this going "this is a bunch of bull shit. i don't care what the fuck this chick is saying, i'm going to do it!!" well, if you didn't want someone to try and stop you... why did you post this???

I am at breaking point... I cant give a fuck about any of this anymore.. I just cant do this. I cant stop crying, I cant stop cutting. Im really craving a drink righ now. I cant phone anyone. I dont want to phone anyone because Im sick of getting told that I am only wanting to top meself for attention otherwise I would just do it so fuck it... Ive got my way... Ive had enough now. These thoughts are stopping tonight.

I feel like shit at the moment. I asked for help from a member of staff who works at the half way house, and I had to go see a pdoc. last night to be risked assessed. In the mean time, my flat had to be searched and they've taken all my blades and knives and my "medication" which I was just stock piling (sorry if this is classed as method). I feel like crap because like Sydney had said obvously I dont want to do it, but I jsut couldnt take the thoughts anymore, I still cant handle them. I have so much in life that is going good, yet these thoughts drag me down and destroy me every single night.
They've put me on different medication to try and stabalise me, but I hate relying on meds to keep me"normal" I mean I want to get better but Im sure just getting a decent psyc. instead of the half wits Ive seen in the past should help.. I dunno Im running out of options here. They were going to section me again, but I agreed that I cant do anything with everything been taken so I wouldnt do anything. I still managed to self harm, but only to calm me down. I am still sober as well which is a good thing!
Thanks for all the help and support at lease I know I get it in cyberworld.. if it is only the one world that I get it its better then nothing...

I'm so, so impressed that you asked for support. I would presume you probably feel pretty violated by them for searching your room and removing things, but I do think they did the right thing, as did you by being honest. I know you probably can't feel this way, but I think you should be proud of yourself for being honest.

Well done for staying sober!

Sometimes people need medication to help them live, and that's ok. It's no different from someone diabetic or epileptic needing medication to hel them function successfully. I hope the new meds work and do help stabilise you.

I'm so, so impressed that you asked for support. I would presume you probably feel pretty violated by them for searching your room and removing things, but I do think they did the right thing, as did you by being honest. I know you probably can't feel this way, but I think you should be proud of yourself for being honest.

Well done for staying sober!

Sometimes people need medication to help them live, and that's ok. It's no different from someone diabetic or epileptic needing medication to hel them function successfully. I hope the new meds work and do help stabilise you.

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Thanks Scum that helped alot, yeah I do feel pretty violated at the moment, and to top of my day I saw my pscy. today and they have decided to pull out as well as the Alcohol && Drug service that I also see. I had the meeting today, so Im pretty much damned now. They feel they cant help me anymore, so they diagnosed me last week and ditching me this week, the mental health team over here are shit anyways, and it is typical of them to do that. They are only wanting to see statistics of how brilliant they are of "fixing" people, and the ones who slip and struggle dont want to be known. I struggled alot with my thoughts again today, but i actually just went and sat in a church (Im not religious) but prayed. I did pray for me to die and to let me just take my last breath yet i felt a sense of relief just asking for that and it calmed me down alot.
I am trying to keep it all cool at the moment so for now its ok I think.