American Idol: The second live show

Another clutch of young singers with dreams of 'Merkin Idolatry sing their hearts out live with hope of getting into the final 12. But will they be better than last week's lot? Only one way to find out! (Well, there are others, but there's only one on this blog)

I had previously decided to stop talking to American Idol entirely since one of my favourite contestants got eliminated already.

But … you'll be VERY glad to hear (unless you don't like SPOILERS, don't like Reality Television or don't like American Idol, in which case you'll be dismayed and cross - since this is after all, a recap of a reality show called American Idol just after its US showing but before its UK outing…) that we decided to come back for this second live show, where 12 more contestants tried to sing their way into the top 12. And what happened when they did? Well, let me tell you …

8pm, somewhere … "Where would you find a bartender, a welder, a font designer and a comedian, all in search of a dream" asks Seacrest. Ooh! Oooh! I know this one! It's that competition where they search for the perfect commercial signmaker! You know, it's on Fox, and they get them to choose a really clever and punny name for a business, like a bar, and then they have to design it and make it and… "NOWHERE" says Seacrest. "Except here".

Oh.

As usual, Ryan goes through and asks the judges for last minute words of advice. Kara? "It's all about doing the best you can possibly do. There are no second chances, that's what's harder about it now" she says, making me more confused than ever about this mythical wildcard show.

He asks Simon for his best advice. "It's too late for advice now". He grumps. Right, we'll just get on with it now, shall we?

Jasmine Murray wide-eyed high school student. And when I say wide-eyed, I don't mean 'open' as much as 'apart', kind of like an extremely cute fish. But also quite feline. So it's almost as if a really cute fish had sex with a cat and then trained the resulting babies to sing. But as any zoologist could tell you, those fish-cat-singing tutors haven't got the chops necessary for singing at this kind of level.

"You tried to give your interpretation, and you just sang all around the notes and went off pitch" - which, as it turns out, will end up being the constant refrain this evening. The chorus, if you like, in between verses that will run something like: What did you pick that song for? It wasn't very youYou should have done what got you hereYou'll never now get through

Matt Giraud is a duelling pianist from Kalamazoo, which is a sentence I'll never get tired of saying out loud. But based on this Justintimberlakisation of Coldplay's Viva La Vida - which will never be talked about again in polite circles except with lowered eyes and heads sadly shaking while people ask deep searching questions like "but if there WAS a god, would he allow these kinds of high notes to happen?"

Interestingly it's worth noting that one thing has already gone from last week: last week Ryan was taking all the singers up to his lair to reunite with family and friends - but it was, after all, a pointless and painful and mainly personality-free activity - so I'm quite glad that he's now just joining them on stage instead.

Jeanine Vailes decides to climb aboard Maroon Five's mighty horse and ride their hit single This Love to the next round. But oversings it, criminally. You know that technique where people sing nine times more notes than were originally in the song but never once the ones the written in the music - just all the ones in the general vicinity? Yeah, it's that. And it's too much, say the judges. She does, however, have very nice legs, as Simon and Randy point out about a billion times. Yes, that would be fine if this was a Least-Knobbly-Knees competition. But it isn't. I think that starts next week.

Nick Mitchell (otherwise known as comedy Norman Gentle) appeared in the opening line up in his normal Nick clothes, but no, by the time it got to performance time, he was back to being Norman. As he rightly pointed out in his video, he's never going to be the next Justin Timberlake, so he might as well do what he knows and try and get as far as he can with it.

He sings "And I am Telling You I'm Not Going", from Dreamgirls - and the thing is, even if you don't like the idea of a comedy performer being in the final 36, he's hitting more notes than some of the other contestants we've seen this round; and the ones he doesn't hit he can explain away to 'comedy'. The judges don't want him to go any further. Even Seacrest says he doesn't want him to go any further, but hands out his number anyway. He's big like that.It's the only way he IS big, mind you. So we'll let him be, poor pocketsized Ryano

Allison Iraheta is a 16-year-old high school student; she's now in Idol school, says Seacrest, leading into a really dull interview mere minute before she has to go on stage (so we'll blame it on that) Oh, bless. Anyway - she sings Alone, by Heart, and though she starts low, like the other girls, and though it could be more exact … she just blows all the others out of the water.

The judges love her. Simon beams like he's just tripped over the next Miley Cyrus. And perhaps he has. She's a cutie. She just needs to grow a personality, he says. Oh give her a break, Simon - let's see you when you were 16 pull off something like this. Did you? No you bloody didn't. Shut up then.

Kris Allen is a clean cut young man with confidence and a bit of personality "It's very easy to forget someone like you …" says Simon after his bouncy rendition of Man In The Mirror "… But you gave it a go and you may have put yourself back in the running". Well, if he has, I'll try and find something more interesting to say about him. In the meantime, what a nice young man, etc.

Megan Joy Corkrey has a marvellous tattoo and, dare I say it, chops. The judges like her - I mean, they don't love her as much as they love Allison, but I'm not sure if they love their own small yappy dogs as much as they love Allison. She's sweet, she's pretty, she sang 'Girl Put Your Records On with as much chutzpah as the song deserves (not that much, then)

Matt Breitzke is a welder. A welder who sings the bejeezus out of If You Could Only See by a band called Tonic, which I've never heard before and never wish to hear again. He's nice. And he has a great voice, it's just a bit of a blah song.

Jesse Langseth, single Mom who looks no where near old enough to have an eight year old daughter. First thought when she arrived on stage was 'Oh GOSH, she's been sabotaged!', but after a while worked out that no, her jumper was actually designed to look like that. She sings Bette Davis' Eyes, she sings it fine … but it's funny isn't it? It's about being technically fine AND having that certain something, and so few of them do, do they? Certainly in the showing of the last two live shows.

Kai Kalama, there's just something so cuddly about you. I don't know if it's the memory of his first audition show where they showed how he cared for his ailing mother, but almost certainly not. What Becomes of the Broken Hearted? he asks, through song. I think … from what the judges say … what becomes of them is that they become you, tomorrow.

The female judges clearly like him, but all of them think the song choice was too old fashioned, the performance too safe. Simon calls him a wedding singer. Kai smiles, winningly but with sad eyes. And then Ryan hands out his digits to a nation who might have sung along, but almost certainly aren't sitting there pens poised. Perhaps this is good. Who's looking after his darling mother, after all?

Mishavonna Henson was the girl who turned up looking weirdly like Snow White. Drops of Jupiter, by Train. Anyone? Anyone? No, me neither. It seems to have the word 'Ney-hey-hehehhehehhhhh' in it rather a lot, but whatever the hell it is, she rocks it, in a Snow Whitish kind of way. Technically great, the judges say: but it doesn't excite Paula says Paula. And it left Simon cold, says Simon. We kind of expect to go on to hear other points of almost too much information about Randy losing wood and Kara's giving up sex forever, but luckily the oversharing stops there. She needs to loosen up, they say.

Adam Lambert used to have a problem with being a bit too musical-theatrish, but he isn't any more, he says, before stepping onstage and proving that he is still quite over the top.

But the judges lap it up - Abdul's up on her feet (for the first time tonight perhaps? I haven't been paying enough attention to the Abdul Danceometer), and the other judges are all hot and bothered. "You're like Good Charlotte, that guy from Twilight! Pete Wentz!" Randy blusters, not so subtly letting on that, whatever he sounds like, they're counting on the tweenage emo vote to get him through. [Hey look ma! I just said those like they were real proper English words! I'm a real journalist now…]

And that's it for the night. Numbers are reread, contestants hopeful little faces plead and flirt with the camera.

Who will make it through, tomorrow? I really don't know. I'm going to say Adam, not only because he was in the sweet last spot just before people start voting, but because of all the reasons Randy said. Allison Iraheta in the girlspot. And in the last? Could it be another female? Megan, then? Jasmine? I have no idea. I'd love to say Nick - but is that joke just not funny any more for people who actually want an idol to look up to - as well as the ones that don't ever watch the audition shows? Almost certainly.

We'll find out tomorrow night. I'll be here, doing it live. But doing it live in Pacific Time, hours after most people, and days before others. So I won't expect any company … Mañana, amigos.