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Thursday, 3 December 2009

..."Paul," said I, "never have I seen such a vaulted and noble forehead! Surely you do not shave your hairline, thus cheating, to seem intellectual?"...

...Using my own studies as a guide, it's not hard to see Ms Boyle's problem. It's in the unplucked eyebrows she first appeared with, her bad frock and unkempt hair. Her high and apparently noble forehead is deceptive, since it balances far too symmetrically with her jaw. Had her jawline been daintier, it would have been quite another matter. She might have proved to be a useful parlour maid. But as it is, she's condemned to be a mere singing sensation.

I must deal swiftly with any imputation that Paul laughed insensitively at the mention of oxygen deprivation. This was merely evidence of his inquiring mind at work, and he is naturally joyful. Everyone knows, too, how he chuckles at the mention of playground bullying such as Ms Boyle was said to experience as a child. But this is only because it calls to mind the jolly times he had in the playground himself, configuring trigonometry whilst playing virtuoso violin and chewing bubblegum, all at the same time. He was ever of a forward, as opposed to a retarded, nature.

This latest ridiculousness from Paul Henry seems to have been the last straw for many. Over 200 complaints to the Human Rights Commission, and who knows how many people have, like me, complained to TVNZ directly. (On that note, has anyone who has emailed Breakfast had a response? I haven't...)