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I think some people want to "be strong" and feel that needing therapy is "just a crutch." And so they avoid it, assuming things will get better if only. If only I buck up and take it. If only I fight back. If only I buckle down and do something productive. If only I eat better.

But, when someone breaks their leg, they need a crutch. If someone dislocates their shoulder, they need to put their arm in a sling. If someone chips a tooth, they need a cap. And when the mind (not brain) has been injured, it needs a crutch. For mind-injuries, therapy is one possible crutch. Medication can be a crutch too. There's no shame in needing something or someone to lean on, it's not a weakness. It's a strength. It means that you're telling yourself "I'm an awesome person who sometimes has trouble and I'm not too much of a coward to lean on someone else once in awhile."

So go ahead and lean on someone else. Get back to therapy to help you get through this hump in your life. You might not get "over" it - you might have to give it a few good whacks with an axe. Or you might sail around it, and bypass it entirely. It all depends on the type of therapy you get and how you respond to it.

Everyone needs a little sumpin sumpin at some point in their lives. For you, for now, that sumpin sumpin is a professional who can really -hear- your concerns.

Good luck!

Re bolded, yeah, that's me, except that I have had years of therapy and I KNOW it can be very helpful...but still I'm sitting here thinking I should be able to fix everything up on my own. Part of the problem of always having to be the strong one and having to do it all on your own is that you come to think that you should be able to always function that way.

I feel a little better just getting these responses from you guys. Seriously, you did a great deed for the day.

I have been much, much worse depression-wise than I am now, but only over the past few days (and partly as a result of that survey asking me hours of questions about how I'm feeling) am I realizing the rut I'm in. Some of it is very tangible--job-related stuff. I'm in a job that I'm stuck in for now and it's bad. I like my basic job, and the salary is good enough, but we are under attack by the local press and by the politicians who run us, and in an attempt to save their own asses, our executives are throwing the employees under the bus and saying, "Yeah, here ya go, we'll work them harder and cut their pay and their benefits..." It's soul-sucking to go in every day. Meanwhile, ten years ago after 84 of our people were killed just for showing up at work one day, we all came back twitching and mourning and half-demented to put everything back together again. That's completely forgotten.

There's other stuff--the past 12 years spent as a single mom concentrating on getting a daughter raised with a good head on her shoulders, and did that pretty well. But she's in college, and what now? Old age? Death? I'm realizing that's what I'm thinking. That now I just continue to work at a job I'm learning to hate, come home and feed my cats, pay off the college bills for the next ten years, and then die. LOL. It sounds funny when I put that into words, but that's where my head is.

No "go out and volunteer and life will become full of meaning" crap. I do that already, and it didn't. (That was NOT directed at the depression-experienced.)

****

Ah well, on the bright side, daughter is here with me for a few days--spring break--and we are going to the mall (which I despise, but I'll go with her as a mom/daughter activity!) and then to our favorite restaurant. It's on the water, and very calming.

MQ, we are quite similiar, my last "chick" is out of the nest, in college. She comes over to see the cat, and get money once in awhile. If I did not have the cat, I wonder if she would ever come over?

My job? Tons better, since I decided to get away from the sociopath I worked with.

I just feel excited now, that it is finally spring. Winter really got to me, cold, dark. But now, I am looking forward to Summer. But last year this time, I was pretty low. The job was horrible. And it took me two years to get another one.

Maybe you need to set some personal goals...but I will let you decide where you are on that. Like I said, last year, my "personal goal" was to get out of my bed on the weekends by 3pm.

I think that therapy will help you re-frame your life. I know for myself, a few years ago, I just felt like a major failure, I was single, could not afford a house, had nothing, and a major dead end job. Then, I thought...hmmm...I can move any place I want....and I did just that. I completely changed my career, moved across the country...so sometimes, it is how you look at things.

lol MQ. Those of us who have been through it would never say take a walk around the block...my Dad told me that once when I wouldn't go out for a month. I was 20. Thats the kind of support I got {none}

However after one very excellent dr., when I was in Boston just told me to allow my feelings, and respect them...no one else has to validate them, its about how you feel.Sounds simple but he was right.

When I go into my mode of auto-pilot and people pleasing now I still remember that session, when I learned to be true to myself...hope it helps a little.

^^^no offense...but people who have never experienced a serious depression have no clue!
"Go exercise an hour a day"...whatever. How about, my goal was to get dressed by 3:00 on the weekends, and sometimes, I did not even get that done. I just wanted to stay in my bed, where it was "safe". I was mentally, physically, and emotionally drained. Exercise? Sure. We all know it is good for you, but in a severe depression, you just don't care.

Look, I'm not exactly sure how you might qualify serious depression. There have been periods of time where I would just lay on the couch and not move for the entire day. I didn't even feel sad or anything, just totally numb. It was after a death. About a year after that I did get pretty depressed. Suicide did cross my mind more than once. Combine that with drinking and it's not a pretty picture.

I don't mean to marginalize anyone's condition and I do sympathize. I was in bad shape for awhile myself and that is just worked for me. I felt my depression/anxiety was coming from my lifestyle. So I changed it.

MQ, we are quite similiar, my last "chick" is out of the nest, in college. She comes over to see the cat, and get money once in awhile. If I did not have the cat, I wonder if she would ever come over?

My job? Tons better, since I decided to get away from the sociopath I worked with.

I just feel excited now, that it is finally spring. Winter really got to me, cold, dark. But now, I am looking forward to Summer. But last year this time, I was pretty low. The job was horrible. And it took me two years to get another one.

Maybe you need to set some personal goals...but I will let you decide where you are on that. Like I said, last year, my "personal goal" was to get out of my bed on the weekends by 3pm.

I think that therapy will help you re-frame your life. I know for myself, a few years ago, I just felt like a major failure, I was single, could not afford a house, had nothing, and a major dead end job. Then, I thought...hmmm...I can move any place I want....and I did just that. I completely changed my career, moved across the country...so sometimes, it is how you look at things.

Wish you the best.

Thanks. Your words are encouraging--it might be time for a major change. I am off for a few days, back to work tomorrow, because my daughter had spring break this week and came home for three days. Getting bad news from the work grapevine re cutting pay and benefits. The things that kept us working there forever are being taken away. They know they've got us by the short and curlies because of the economy, but still--I am going to update my resume and see if anything is out there. If I can find work for the same or even less but don't have to travel 90 minutes each way, well then...

But meanwhile, while I've got my current benefits I'm going to find somebody to have a chat with.

Look, I'm not exactly sure how you might qualify serious depression. There have been periods of time where I would just lay on the couch and not move for the entire day. I didn't even feel sad or anything, just totally numb. It was after a death. About a year after that I did get pretty depressed. Suicide did cross my mind more than once. Combine that with drinking and it's not a pretty picture.

I don't mean to marginalize anyone's condition and I do sympathize. I was in bad shape for awhile myself and that is just worked for me. I felt my depression/anxiety was coming from my lifestyle. So I changed it.

I think you are sincere--it's just that it's the sort of advice that you get out of a magazine article so it sounds canned, but from you I don't think it is. And the truth is that my depression symptoms are not as bad but what I do have is directly influenced by what I eat and if I eat too much sugar and not enough protein, life gets really bad and like MQ, I don't even realize how bad until I start to get better. Lifestyle changes might not take the depression away but at least it's the part that you can control and they might take it away by half and make it bearable. It's just that when you're that deep in the hole, you can't see a way out. And yet, why not make them, b/c everything tastes the same anyway, right? And walking around the block is no more miserable than laying on the couch. Not accusing you of being a couch potato, MQ, just adding perspective here.

I found a book this past December that I've been working with and it has helped some--It's called The Mood Cure, and the author talks about what amino acid supplements can help build the neurotransmitters in your brain that tend to get low in certain types of depression. MQ, not enough info about your kind of symptoms, but she says if it's a thing where life is more flat and stale than sad, you may be low on dopamine, and tyrosine can help build that up. For less than $15 a bottle, it might be worth a try. These are not instant cures but I don't think you expect that.

She also talks about adrenal fatigue, which is something your doc doesn't really believe in probably, but right now while i"m in it, I do believe. I am just working really hard to rest and eat right and let my body heal itself after the onslaught of stress so I don't have bigger problems down the road, so maybe that's a factor for you too, esp with PTSD(?) Sounds like?

And sorry, I have almost nothing to contribute about counseling, which I surely could have used all these years and don't know why I didn't b/c I don't think it's a weakness. Just never got around to it and I'm so used to being depressed that half the time I don't even realize that I am.

Just want to make clear that I'm NOT against walking--exercise is one of the best things for depression IF you can talk yourself into going out and doing it. I try, and some days I am successful and some days I am not. It's just not enough to pull me out of whatever I'm sinking into right now., but it does help temporarily to take walks, yes.

I am fortunate in that the Atlantic Ocean is a 15-minute drive from where I live, and there is a wonderful boardwalk with a walking mile marked off in eighth-mile points along the beach. I will bundle up in cold weather and go there sometimes.

I also have not been for a basic physical exam in many years, so I have to get my courage up to make that appointment, too. The thought of it makes my throat close in anxiety, though. Geez, I feel as though I want to cry just typing about it.

Just want to make clear that I'm NOT against walking--exercise is one of the best things for depression IF you can talk yourself into going out and doing it. I try, and some days I am successful and some days I am not. It's just not enough to pull me out of whatever I'm sinking into right now., but it does help temporarily to take walks, yes.

I am fortunate in that the Atlantic Ocean is a 15-minute drive from where I live, and there is a wonderful boardwalk with a walking mile marked off in eighth-mile points along the beach. I will bundle up in cold weather and go there sometimes.

I also have not been for a basic physical exam in many years, so I have to get my courage up to make that appointment, too. The thought of it makes my throat close in anxiety, though. Geez, I feel as though I want to cry just typing about it.

Pathetic.

I wish I was near the ocean again. In NY and FL I would take long walks on the beach.

Now if I walk the dogs in the subdivision it requires socializing with neighbors.

I am not into this,so just walk at campus for an hour during lunch. At least on campus no one bothers me. I dislike having to put on a facade of being happy, or listening to mindless gossip in some situations.

I wish I was near the ocean again. In NY and FL I would take long walks on the beach.

Now if I walk the dogs in the subdivision it requires socializing with neighbors.

I am not into this,so just walk at campus for an hour during lunch. At least on campus no one bothers me. I dislike having to put on a facade of being happy, or listening to mindless gossip in some situations.

I totally understand the way you feel. However, one thing I'd like to say.

"Act as if." It is one adage I have found helpful to myself. To put it very simply, if you want to be happy, ACT (fake) happiness. Please don't jump on me thinking I actually believe it's that cut and dry because I know it's not. It is by far a solution. But it does help for me. I believe it is a way to build confidence - if you believe you are happy, then you are. By "acting" you are convincing yourself that you actually are something...our brains are not too difficult to trick if you know how.

Again, I'd like to emphasize that this isn't about living in a fantasy world. It is just a method that might help in some cases.

Just want to make clear that I'm NOT against walking--exercise is one of the best things for depression IF you can talk yourself into going out and doing it. I try, and some days I am successful and some days I am not. It's just not enough to pull me out of whatever I'm sinking into right now., but it does help temporarily to take walks, yes.

I am fortunate in that the Atlantic Ocean is a 15-minute drive from where I live, and there is a wonderful boardwalk with a walking mile marked off in eighth-mile points along the beach. I will bundle up in cold weather and go there sometimes.

I also have not been for a basic physical exam in many years, so I have to get my courage up to make that appointment, too. The thought of it makes my throat close in anxiety, though. Geez, I feel as though I want to cry just typing about it.

Pathetic.

What you said is not pathetic. Who we are and how we behave is largely a result of chance - your genes, how you were raised and what you experienced. Only once you realize this can you change it.

Now I am not a professional of any sort. But I would still like to try to offer help and if you don't take it I would completely understand.

By not making your appointment, I believe you are essentially defining yourself as a victim. You want to do the complete opposite. You want to take charge and make the appointment. You do have the courage to do this, you just need to find it. I know that advice is cliche and if someone gave it to me, I'd likely tell them to go **** themselves. However please digest the psychological ramifications behind it: if you act as a victim (not making the appointment) then you view yourself as a victim, and then you continue to act like a victim. If you take control then you start to view yourself as someone who has control. Then you continue to act like that.

If that sounds simple, it's not. Understanding it and carrying it out are obviously 2 VERY different things. So the question becomes, how do you get up the courage to make this appointment having that information in mind?

The first thing you should do is make yourself accountable to us here in this thread. I don't want you to set a deadline for yourself - I don't think pressure will help. But just promise us you will make the best effort you can and keep us posted.

Second, you NEED to have confidence that you can change this. One small step at a time. It won't be easy. It won't just happen overnight but eventually you will start to feel better, take control, and then you will have more strength than you ever thought possible. I know that this is the case. People want immediate gratification but life doesn't work like that. You have to take MANY HARD baby steps to get to where you want to be, but if you really believe you will get there, then those steps get a bit easier.

I understand that you making an appointment is not the point of this thread. However I think it does, in a way, epitomize the issue.

I am just some random guy on the internet to you but I really do believe in you and your ability to do this. I can't emphasize how much I mean that.

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