More About the Unique Needs of the Trauma-Impacted

In my last blog I invited the reader to consider how different the needs are for someone who has experienced significant trauma versus someone who has not. I noted how important it is for anyone who is interacting with someone with significant unresolved trauma to be mindful of the unique nature of a trauma-impacted person’s needs. I also suggested that anyone who has experienced significant trauma consider the ways this information might relate to their needs.

Trauma-impacted people
typically experience powerful and profound struggles with feeling unsafe within
themselves and in most relationships. Those with unresolved trauma are often
victim to their own overwhelming thoughts, feelings and sensations that can
re-traumatize them. Their own personal internal safety and power are greatly
diminished. Many have attachment-related issues and needs, making it even
harder to enter into healthy and potentially healing relationships.

Therefore, most
trauma-impacted children or adults feel very alone in life, afraid of their
inner worlds and unable to trust the outer world. It can feel as if there is no
escape from waves of fear and anxiety related to the unresolved trauma and
especially to core beliefs with messages about how they are unworthy, unlovable,
repulsive, disappointing and how they don’t fit in with everyone else who
appears to be so much more secure, capable and deserving of being loved.

The goal often is to just
survive each day and each minute, capitulating and attempting to put on outward
attitudes and behaviors that are acceptable without being able to be authentic,
transparent or vulnerable. Simultaneously, the trauma-impact child or adult has
deep-seated emotional and relational needs, just like everyone else, along with
needs that are specific to being trauma-impacted.

Noted psychiatrist, Dr. Bruce Perry says that children and adults with unresolved trauma automatically can be presumed to be functioning in a lower brain state virtually all the time in contrast to those who do not deal with the impact of unresolved trauma. Many never move beyond alarmed and most never experience calm.

It’s virtually impossible
for the trauma-impacted to think in terms of their future because a lower brain
state means functioning moment-by-moment at best, and they can’t consider what
life might be like in the next few hours, days or weeks. These realities for those
living with unresolved trauma influences what they need and how they respond to
attempts to have their needs addressed and met.

When someone is highly attuned to the needs of a trauma-impacted, they remain fully aware of the possible internal thoughts, feelings and sensations of that person and how these are constantly playing within that person’s inner world, even as they outwardly may appear reasonably calm and alert.

An essential part of
helping to meet some of the needs of the trauma-impacted involves intentional
use of body language, facial expressions and voice tone. People can project
warmth and acceptance through each of these. Without impinging on the
trauma-impacted’s personal space. This usually involves staying a little more
distant than one might stand or sit with someone not struggling with unresolved
trauma, the trauma-sensitive person may lean in a bit, smile gently, noticing
if eye contact appears to be threatening. If so, regularly looking away can
give them relief.

The trauma-sensitive person
projects nonverbal messages of acceptance using their body language and facial
expressions, nonverbally communicating things like “I am comfortable with
whatever you are thinking or needing. There is nothing wrong with you or
whatever you might be struggling with.” They give the message, “I’m ready to
interact with you in whatever ways keeps you feeling safe with me.” They show a
desire to connect to the trauma-impacted child or adult, “I like being around
you. I appreciate you just for who you are. It doesn’t bother me if you
struggle sometimes to connect with me. You can just be you.”

Anyone trying to meet the needs of a trauma-impacted person needs to be extremely patient and appreciative that they are up against an inner world of pain, fear and anxiety along with self-condemnation. It may take a long time before they are rewarded with attitudes and behaviors that show they have made progress and gradually are able to be experienced as a safe person, one that the trauma-impacted can trust and move closer towards.

Invitation to Reflect

How aware
do you think you are of the inner world of someone who is trauma-impacted? Can
you imagine what it must be like to experience a constant barrage of negative
thoughts as a result of the destructive beliefs most trauma-impacted children
and adults experience?

How willing are you to be patient when
interacting with a trauma-impacted child or adult? How willing are you to say
and do the kinds of things that are meant to promote relational safety and
connection without getting positive feedback from that trauma-impacted child or
adult?

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For struggling students, success is often an elusive dream and failure a painful reality. Lakeside's brain-based, trauma-informed approach to serving young people alters that reality. When students perceive themselves as failures, they can react by withdrawing or acting out. Lakeside offers another option, one that leads to success today and in the future. Our therapeutic schools and … Continue Reading

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