Sending a shockwave through the geekosphere, it appears the man behind the glorious holiday known as Geek Pride Day is, in fact, not a geek at all. Help desk technician Rodney Schweiber (real name: Blake Knight) appears to be a super cool, totally hip guy.

Adding insult to injury, The Pepper discovered Knight never actually worked in IT. In fact, he’s spent the past 20 years sailing the Caribbean on his personal yacht (thanks to a hefty trust fund). Accompanying Knight on his sun-baked, decades-long jaunt: a crew of bleach blonde ex-models… and no shortage of champagne.

“He probably thinks 117 is a prime number and couldn’t even tell the difference between the United Federation of Planets and the Galactic Empire,” said exasperated IT administrator (and self-proclaimed geek) Peter Raymond.

“I bet to him,” Raymond continued, “42 is just the age you turn when it’s time for your second botox injection.”

“I just wanted to honor all the geeks I beat up in high school.”

— Blake Knight, Cool Guy

Knight, when he does make it to land, can be spotted racing through exotic locales in his cherry red Ferrari. His personalized license plate “IH8DND” is yet another slap in the face to the millions of geeks who feel utterly betrayed by the recent revelation.

“Look, I just wanted to honor all the geeks I beat up in high school,” Knight chuckled like a man who had never even heard of string theory. “That’s why I started a holiday for total nerds.”

Former homecoming king and varsity quarterback, Knight sees himself as a champion of geekdom and an advocate for disenfranchised dorks everywhere. This is surprising, coming from someone who never wore braces, prefers sports to space, and has zero opinion on net neutrality.

“Do I feel bad for once bullying the same dweebs I now celebrate?” Knight asked, flexing and kissing his steroid-pumped bicep. “Is feeling bad trendy? If so, I totally feel bad.”

“Let me get this straight,” Conners asked. “Blake can recite the movie Top Gun by heart, he wears spray-on tanner, and his chest is covered in Ed Hardy tattoos? Guy sounds like a real d-bag geek to me.”

Due to the controversy, Knight plans to step down from his position as Geek Pride Day chairman. He’ll be handing the reins over to his fraternity bro, Zack, who claims to be “totally into Dr. What and all that nerdy crap.”

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Inspired by The Onion (the deadpan fake news site with a cult following), The Pepper is Spiceworks' spin on tech parody — served up with a dose of snark for all you wise-cracking SpiceHeads! Got a satiric headline of your own? Shoot a PM to Andrew B. for your chance at Pepper fame!

What if you know the difference between the United Federation of Planets and the Galactic Empire and you know the difference between a curveball and HB option , can you still be a Geek? #InclusiveGeek :)