Madonna 'will wed adopted Malawi son's father'

London - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Relentless self-publicising entertainer Madonna is set to dump her gormless husband Guy Twitchy and get hitched to Yohane Banda, father of her adopted son David.

The wedding will be shown on Malawi state TV on July 6, the country's National Day.

The move follows an offer by Malawi's President Bingu wa Mutharika to create a second Vice Presidency and offer it to the singer.

In return Madonna will reveal ancient Kabbala secrets of the exact location of Africa's biggest oil reserves, long rumored to be under Lake Malawi.

A century-long dispute with Tanzania and Mozambique has meant Lake Malawi remains a political hot potato.

But the Banda/Ciccone marriage may be the international solution according to latest UN reports.

News of the impending nuptuals was leaked this morning amid lawyers' frantic behind-the-scenes haggling over Madonna's prenup agreement with Twitchy, who is said to be demanding a straight 50-50 assets split.

"In his dreams, of course," a Mayfair divorce layer said today.

"Madonna's never forgiven him for putting her throught the humiliation of starring in his movies 'Swept Away' and 'Revolter'.

"He'll be lucky to get away with having all his UK assets stripped in return for a lifelong gagging clause about his mobster pals in the UK."

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