Eight Jokes

Funny Jokes

OPERATIONAL EXCELLENCE?Once upon a time, an American company and a Japanese company decided to have competitive boat race on the Bear River. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach their peak performance. On the big day, they both felt as ready as they could be.The Japanese won by a mile! Afterwards the American Team became very discouraged by the losses and morale began to sag. Corporate management decided that the reason for the crushing defeat had to be found. A The "Continuous Improvement Team" was established to investigate the problem and to recommend appropriate corrective action.THEIR CONCLUSION: The problem was that the Japanese Team had eight people rowing and one person steering, whereby the American Team had one person rowing and eight people steering.The American Corporate Steering Committee immediately hired a consulting firm to do a study on the management structure. After some time and millions of dollars, the consulting firm concluded more...

On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..."

On the first day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: A Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the second day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Two Happy Meals, and a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the third day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fourth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the fifth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the sixth day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, Four Egg McMuffins, Three Biggie Fries, Two Happy Meals, And a Big Bacon Classic with cheese. On the seventh day of Christmas, My drive through gave to me: Seven pints of cole slaw, Six chocolate milkshakes, Five onion rings, more...

A guy walks into a bar in Argentina. He sees a familiar character, albeit much older now, sitting at the bar. He approaches, examines his face, and asks:"Excuse me, but aren't you Adolf Hitler?""Vy yes, I am Adolf Hitler.""But I thought you were dead!""Ach. I get a lot of dat. But in fact, I am chust biding my time, planning a scheme to kill fifty million Jews and eight of der Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders.""What?" the guy exclaims. "Why would you want to kill eight of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders?"Hitler turns to another fellow sitting at the bar next to him. "You see vat I mean? Nobody gives a damn about da Jews!!!"

The following gems of wisdom were gleaned from test papers and essays from elementary, junior high, high school, and college students.As one teacher noted, "It is truly astonishing what weird stuff our young scholars can create under the pressures of time and grades!""H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water.""To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.""When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.""Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water.""There is no Nitrogen in Ireland because it is not found in a free state.""Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.""Blood flows down one leg and up the other.""Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."The moon is a planet just like the earth, more...