Ã¢ÂÂYou know darn well that when Miley Cyrus is 60 years old and on a talk show, someoneÃ¢ÂÂs going to show that clip,Ã¢ÂÂ Costa said.

It hasn’t gone away yet, and given the millions of hits on mtv.com, it’s unlikely to vanish anytime soon.

Miley Cyrus’ emphatic coming-of-age proclamation — in the form of salacious, pole-dance-like gyrations with a foam finger — is one of those events that can make parents worry their kids are at the edge of a cultural chasm, about to fall in.

What should a mom or dad do or say about the metamorphosis of sweet little Hannah Montana?

No longer is it enough for parents to oversee what their children watch on live television. Provocative images now have a much longer shelf life, lingering on Facebook pages and iPhone videos.

Nor can they simply wait it out, hoping next week’s bit of titillation will take its place. After all, even the mother of Robin Thicke, Cyrus’ dance partner (or prop, more accurately), said, “The problem is, now I can never unsee it.”

MTV reported the live broadcast was seen by 10.1 million viewers, another 2.8 million people watched it as a rerun and more than 4 million watched it online.

Costa’s advice for this latest cultural shocker dovetails with the standard advice for the birds-and-bees talk: First, ascertain what your child thinks about the subject. You may be ready to answer a question he wasn’t going to ask.

Next, he advises, keep your own opinions out of it, for the time being.
“Try to put a check on your own visceral reaction,” he suggested. Instead, ask a question: “What did you think of that dance?”

If you see a young child trying to imitate Miley’s raunchy dance routine, quickly convert it to another dance style of rock and role, or even square dancing.

Young kids and preteens may not be as fascinated or affected by seeing the performance as parents may fear, Costa said. And older teens of 17 or 18 “may slough it off because they know it’s a provocative thing.”

It’s younger teens in that middle group — 13, 14, 15 — who may need the most guidance about what messages to take from the show-biz stunt. They’re of an age when they’re facing their own increased sexuality and feelings of attraction, so the image of Cyrus, 20, grinding a man nearly twice her age might be unnerving to them.

Even at this stage, parents should resist the urge to lecture. Instead, convey your values by offering food for thought.

“Parents might be surprised about what their 14- or 15-year-olds say,” he said.

Parents can certainly mention their own feelings about the situation. They might say something along the lines of, “‘As a parent, it made me feel uncomfortable. I thought she was pretty young for that,’” Costa said.

One trap to avoid is that of criticizing the actress who, as squeaky-clean Hannah Montana, might have been their child’s idol.

Instead, they might express empathy, he said: “They could say, ‘Miley Cyrus is a very talented kid, but I feel she made a mistake with this. We all make bad mistakes; we all make stupid mistakes. I have a feeling she’ll regret this.’ ”

This might also be a good time to gently point out that mistakes made in youth now stick with people forever, courtesy of social media.

“You know darn well that when Miley Cyrus is 60 years old and on a talk show, someone’s going to show that clip,” Costa said.

It might be more awkward to have a conversation with a son about Miley, but again, it should start out with asking what his reaction was to the performance. He may admit to finding it intriguing or arousing.

Again, this would not be the time to chastise him. Instead, concede that you can see how he might feel that way, but that her performance hardly encourages the world to look at women in a respectful way.

“You don’t want to ever make a child un-feel something they’re feeling,” Costa said. “What you want to do is anchor those feelings in a set of values.”

But that should be done gently, without attacking either Cyrus or the child’s reaction to her. Said Costa: “Try to keep your venom in check.”