Is Petraeus Strung Out on Love?

General David Petraeus—war hero and, until recently, director of the CIA—was discovered to have had an affair with a beautiful younger woman, his biographer, Paula Broadwell. Her book's title, “All In: The Education of General David Petraeus," may in fact describe the experience Petraeus underwent.

As a result of this "indiscretion," the Obama administration requested, and received, Petraeus's resignation. Many observers all along the political spectrum wondered whether this was an overreaction. Wasn't this a private affair, one that wouldn't impact Petraeus's work at the CIA?

On the contrary, Petraeus may have been going through the most severe trauma of his life -- including the effects of war that he had experienced in Vietnam, Iraq, and Afghanistan. Of course, there is the reaction he now faces from his wife of 38 years and the loss of his powerful position, as well as perhaps the admiration of colleagues and the public. But, more critical than any of these, he confronts the experience of having pulled from underneath his feet the excitement, admiration, and obsession created by his involvement with Broadwell.

I was teaching at the Harvard Business School while writing Love and Addiction with Archie Brodsky (published in 1975). One of my colleagues had seen an interview with me in the Boston Globe with columnist Ellen Goodman. He cornered me in the faculty lounge and winked at me: “Right, love addiction!” Then he walked off laughing.

Since that time, the discovery that love and sex are addictive has been an expanding universe in American psychiatry and psychology, now approaching warp speed. As of this writing, these conditions weren’t officially included in the American Psychiatric Association’s new diagnostic manual, scheduled to appear in May of 2013.[i] But they seem destined to be there sooner rather than later, as neuroscientists[ii], health writers,[iii] and film-makers[iv] discover the phenomena (the referenced sources are only a small reflection of their number!).

My divorce has left me completely blindsided and affected every aspect of my life. It is something that I have struggled for years to get over and to this day cannot seem to move forward. It has literally destroyed so much of me and continues to take another piece day by day. I fear what the outcome will be in the end.

Or, from the New York Times:

In 12-step confessional style, this is what love addiction did to my life: I dropped out of college, quit my job, stopped talking to my family and friends. There was no booze to blame for my blackouts, vomiting and bed-wetting. No pills to explain the 15 hours a day I slept. No needles as excuse for my alarming weight loss. I hit bottom one sleepless night, strung out on the bedroom floor, contemplating suicide. And then I spent four months — and a good chunk of my family's money — in treatment for love addiction.[v]

No, Petraeus had to be removed from his position because of the danger that he might become completely unhinged by the worst withdrawal known to humans. Let me turn finally to among the greatest philosophers of this experience, Leonard Cohen. In his album, "Live in London," made in his mid-seventies, Cohen talks about last performing in London 12-15 years earlier, as a kid of 60. He lists all the drugs he's taken -- Prozac, Ritalin, Wellbutrin, then he talks about his Buddhist experiences and beliefs.

"I loved you for a long, long time, I know this love is real. It don't matter how it all went wrong, that don't change the way I feel. And I can't believe that time's gonna heal this wound I'm speaking of. There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love.

I'm aching for you baby, I can't pretend I'm not. I need to see you naked in your body and your thought. I've got you like a habit and I'll never get enough. There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love.

All the rocket ships are climbing through the sky. The holy books are open wide, the doctors working day and night. But they'll never ever find that cure for love. There ain't no drink, no drug, ah tell them, angels. There's nothing pure enough to be a cure for love.

I see you in the subway and I, I see you on the bus. I see you lying down with me, I see you waking up. I see your hand, I see your hair, your bracelets and your brush. And I call to you, I call to you, but I don't call soft enough. There ain't no cure, there ain't no cure, there ain't no cure for love."

You ask a good question. But so far given the known chronology, one could also ask whether Petraeus might not have been more disturbed by the end of his love relationship with the Army. Was it a good idea to encourage him or let him resign from the Army (something which was not required to lead the CIA)? That might have been a factor in him getting into an affair without a clear exit strategy.

It is too early to tell, but for now there is more evidence for unhealthy reactions to the love affair itself in Broadwell or Kelley, or Kelley's FBI friend than in Petraeus (maybe they had withdrawal from having to abandon their love for the image of Petraeus they had in their head).

In terms of the questions you pose both about Petraeus's army withdrawal, and what seems to be Broadwell's addictive behaviors.

This is especially well put: "maybe they had withdrawal from having to abandon their love for the image of Petraeus they had in their head." Of course, this is essentially always true of love addiction.

Not sure i'm buying this interpretation....to wit that petraeus "had to be removed" lest he suffer withdrawal.

According to the latest, credible news, petraeus and broadwell stopped their shenanigans several months ago, but whose decision that was is unknown. One could surmise it was petraeus because of broadwell's response to kelley. At any rate, this hardly, if at all, seems like a withdrawl response from a so- called addiction. Further, although it was obama who accepted the resignation, it was petraeus who tendered it.

Couching this square in text about love addiction and the new seems somewhat of hard sell for inclusion.

This thing looks odd and the timeline feels bizarre. Or is the settling of old scores between CIA and FBI? All this intruding of people’s privacy for “ national security” does not come cheap.

Or it could be a belated midlife crisis 101.

You are aging, on the healthy side of narcissist, not even a silver fox but not looking your age, you spend time tell your life story to a sexy biographer who laps it up and makes you feel young again and she is more adoring than your wife back home who now looks like your mother(harsh I know but true). You fall in love or fall hard for the fantasy in your head.

Maybe an addiction, but this looks odd.Could be a plot from a spy movie.

I could see how Broadwell's brain, beauty, relentless ambition,competitive streak and killer naked arms could upset some women - the tall poppy syndrome. Obviously the general was on her bucket list.

Now why couldn't he fall for Nancy Mcnally instead? She would have told him his COIN strategy in Afghanistan was not working and if they had had an affair nobody would have found out, it would have been a knowing smile between the two of them.