Yeah, those didn't help my raging headache any....unless those were made exactly as they were requested I can't believe any rational cake decorator looked at them when finished and said "that looks good, I think I'm finished".

WVOTD: acept...I acept that there are some really bad cakes in the world, but I don't have to buy them.

The first two are just sad. It's the third one that worries me. The bakery is obviously a front. By their clever misdirections of poor spelling and spacing, they are trying to prevent you from reading down the left edge...

It's a ploy to secure sacrifices for Cthapp, much neglected little brother to Cthulhu (who gets all the good sacrifices, darn him). By eating this cake, the unsuspecting people will be marked for death to bring greater glory to this nearly forgotten Old One. Beware!

So I had to look up "The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen." Interesting.

"When Superheroes, live theater and tap dancing collide, the result is Chicago Tap Theatre's Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen. With moments of intense action, irresistable humor and heartfelt emotion, this is the show that proves that tap dance is the perfect medium for theatrical expression..."

Is the picture of the cake just upside-down?

The second cake is missing something. Something that would make it complete. Oh, yeah...CLOWNS!

The Hourglass and Poisoned Pen is, according to one website, a "Superhero Tap Dance Opera." It has apparently played in Chicago and New York, from a quick look at Google. What that has to do with a cake on the ceiling and bad spelling/spacing, I have no idea.

What I would like to know is, who the heck puts the plastic balloons on the cake before they finish frosting it?? Notice the blue....uh...streamer running right across the top of one of the plastic balloons on the right. Is that to give it an even more realistic 3-D effect? *snickers*

That second cake, the horror. As if plastic balloons from the early 90's weren't enough, they threw in the blobs of frosting to pass it off as a more festive cake. Then, in an attempt to coordinate with the balloon blobs, they put the name in blobs...pukey, ugly, blobs.

The last cake with that poison pen deal, reminds me of the poison bon bon cake.

Wow. Jen, you have really outdone yourself today. A virtual grab-bag of poor layout, bad handwriting and incompetent airbrushing, all layered with horrible color combinations that make the eyes bleed. I think you may be approaching critical mass of wrecktitude. Careful: goggles and hardhats may be required!

Wow, at first I thought you were kidding but now my eyeballs hurt a little and my head is pulsing. It reminds me of the time I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark with a friend of mine and we rewound the melting eyeballs part at the end over and over until it made us sick.

I have just a few questions here (raising hand respectfully):Cake #1, why does the plaid come down the side on the right but not on the middle? Not that I think we should have more of that plaid.Cake #2, who handed out cans of Silly String to the decorators? There's just a little too much exuberance there, Pete. Cake #3, what's with the lavendar frill around the bottom?My eyes hurt. I'm going back to bed.

Thanks Jen...I actually was having nausea and head pain (think it's a sinus infection gone wrong).Now it's worse.The plaid explosion is awful and it reminds me of one of those stupid magic eye puzzles. The second one...I have no words. The third one cracks me up...lovely justification. Great spelling. It's an absolute winner.

Paul E, I would have commented sooner but was laughing hysterically about Cthapp. It screams out for an online Web comic treatment about Chthulu's younger and less talented brother. Someting between Lex Luthor and Pinky & the Brain. I only wish I could draw.

Again: The first and last cakes. First someone did a nice border and nice roses, then someone scribbled (and airbrushed) on them. This hurts my brain. The middle one is simply grotesque and should not exist, anywhere, ever.

The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen web site features misspellings - "the last siiver of wood" - and creative grammar. It must be intentional. The vile Nick Prickle forced the pitiful cake decorator to create the horror on purpose!

Wow. My eyes hurt from the first one, I'm STILL not sure what to think about the second one, and I swear the third one keeps spinning on the screen. My mind keeps trying to make sense of the spacial references, but it can't. Ahhhhh!

The first cake looks like those eye trick things in emails, like you should have said start at the cake for one mintue then close your eyes....you saw Jesus did you! And the last cake...uhm ok I blinkedlike10times before Irea-lized that was writ-ingand couldregainmy bearings...andIstillhave no cluewhatmes-sagetheyaretryingto-relay.

I bet Pete is thrilled down to the toes with the idea of his cake having the honor of being one of the decorator-trainee practice surfaces. Yeppers, someone got to hone their mad skillz in airbrushing, piping, sprinkling, conflicting color usage, and both lettering & balloon placement done in both icing and on stems. Nice.

omg!! this is hilarious!! how could you even find those cakes?? I guess i've always overestimate the intelligence of the cake designers then?! oh boy. I love your blog! now i need to tune mine up to show some humor...

Perhaps I didn't read the comments closely enough, but who is that first cake for? It reads, "Happy Belated Birthday Rich[something or other]", but I can't quite make out those last few letters. Richile?

On the other hand, it also brings back memories of my childhood. I was born in 1972, and when I was young, I tried coloring the people as wearing the plaid pants that were popular back in the day.

I also love the Cthapp def. I do draw and all of a sudden I'm doodling mad visions about a skinny little cepho his older, disdainful brothers calls 'the squirt' (and who probably was the decorator for Cake #2)!

Total aside: Can someone pleeeeease explain the whole "WV" thing? Google failed me (thanks, West Virginia!) and I don't know how far back the trend goes, so forgive my laziness in asking. As a word-nerd, my curiosity has been piqued.

Dude, how did they *do* that on the last cake? It really does give one a vertiginous feeling to look at. Whoever thought up that camera angle has a career in...some field where making people feel slightly ill is an asset. Maybe Guantanamo Bay has an opening?

In Christian camp and youth groups there is a thing called hand check. For various purity reasons, however I vote that there is a Hand Check instituted in bakeries."HAND CHECK!""Drat, drop icing bag and run they are going to actually check out work!"

I think this would be both amusing and help to prevent some of the wrecks that happened here.

Cake #1 is altering my world view. This blog helped me understand one genre of cake wrecks by explaining that the experienced professional ices a sheet cake with smooth icing, neat little borders and a smattering of lovely icing roses and then goes home, only to be followed by an overambitious cashier who smears "Congardultions" on it with the back of a butter knife. But where in this sequence does the neon argyle appear?

I refuse to comment on cakes #2 and #3, on the grounds that I'd have to look at them again.

Jen -- this is to inform you I have reported you to the authorities for cruelty to your legions of fans for this latest post. I don't even HAVE migranes, but I think after that 1st cake I may have contracted them!!!

The police will be arriving shortly with a duplicate of cake #1 for you ;-)

You realize, of course, that you single-handedly increased the awareness of The Hourglass and the Poisoned Pen by one or more factors of ten today. I'm actually kinda interested in seeing this now...I wonder if there are any snippets on YouTube?

I think there was some memo addressed to wreck decorators, because I have seen exactly the same green/blue combo on two cakes in Stater Brothers today. Somebody somewhere bought too much blue/green color?

That last cake? With the secret message? It's a trick.(!!!) It is REALLY meant for someone named Congradula."TION" is code for "shun."They want Congradula to shun the hourglass and the poison pen.Because someone (maybe Congradula him/herself) will die.(!!!)

OR...The "TION" could be read phonetically as "Tie-On"...in which case the cake-getter is being told to tie on the hourglass and the poison pen --without specifying where--or why. ("Await further instructions.")(!!!)Very Secret Agent-ish, don't you think? Or not.

I googled... and the hourglass and the poisoned pen is some kind of play. And I quote: "When superheros, live theater, and tap dancing combine..."... pretty freaky all the way around. Here's the link:http://www.nymf.org/index.php?module=ShowManager&func=display&sid=938

Cake 1: Horrible looking, but okay on the visuals.Cake 2: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! My brain! Whomever decorated that 'Professional' cake was more than likely chewed out. This one hurts. Ow.Cake 3: I happen to be waiting for it to fall downward onto the floor.

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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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