Monty Python Scripts

Back to the 'Light Entertainment Awards'

The cast:

The sketch:

Pull out from screen to see that this is the screen in the
awards set and Dickie is working a stirrup pump which pumps tears
out from the side of his head via rather obvious tubes.

Dickie: There they go, the credits of the year. Credits
that you and the Society voted as the credits that brought the most
credit to the Society. Sadly, the man who designed them cannot be
with us tonight, as he is at home asleep, but we are going to wake
him up and tell him the good news.

We see a darkened bedroom. The light is suddenly switched on.
We see two men in bed together.

Dickie: Are you there in Bristol, Arthur Briggs...?

Briggs:(terrified) Oh, my God! (pulls a sheet
over the other man )

Cut back to Dickie.

Dickie: And now for the moment you've all been waiting
for...

CAPTION: The End

Dickie: No, not that moment. Although that moment is not
coming, in a moment. The moment I'm talking about is the moment when
we present the award for the cast with the most awards award, and
this year is no exception. Ladies and gentlemen will you join me and
welcome please, the winners of this year's Mountbatten trophy, Show
business's highest accolade, the cast of the Dirty Vicar sketch.

The cast enter to applause and stately music, shake hands in
turn with the Dummy Princess Margaret and collect the award, shake
hands with Dickie and then line up behind him.

Dickie: Well, now let us see the performances which
brought them this award. Let us see the Dirty Vicar Sketch.