In
case that link was insufficient, let me recap: The liberal and fact-controlled
media recently came down on you for voting against expanding medical marijuana
based on an article from Daily Currant that explained 37 people died when
Colorado legalized recreational marijuana. A reporter for the Advocate pointed
out that the Daily Currant was a satirical publication. In response, you said
you were “given this info from a so-called ‘Trusted’ source but now know that
the story was not credible.”

In case that recap was insufficient, here's the Tweet from the reporter, who pointed out that you failed to distinguish between real news and satire, the type of error that would cause most teachers to immediately fail a student on an assignment:

I
completely understand that any arguments in favor of legalizing marijuana are just
as false as any suggestion that Rep. Mike Johnson yearns for the company of
men. Marijuana or “Lilith’s Tampon,” as today’s youths call it, presents
a clear and present danger to our way of life as extreme as Target’s bathroom
policy. However, you need more credible sources. Fortunately, we are here for
you.

In
order to make this blog, I review a lot of credible sources, such as Representative
Mike Johnson, a podcast from Alex Jones that focuses exclusively on things he
shouts during traffic, deleted comments from Tiger droppings, PSAs from Congressman
Clay Higgins, the UN Blackhawk Helicopter Report from an AM radio broadcast
that you can only receive between Minden and Sibley, The Onion, the Sibley Conspirator,
RT TV, Clickhole, the National Inquirer, and things my wife’s step-aunt posts
about Killary.

We
have found the argument you need to defeat marijuana legalization in this
state. Within the last year, Only in American, a reputable news source I did
not realize existed until an hour ago, revealed that gay scientists are
infusing marijuana with homosexual chemtrails to turn marijuana users into
aggressive homosexuals. Here’s a link to that hard-hitting piece of journalism
you should absolutely post, share, and retweet:

The graphics from the PSAs The Onion has reported on drive home the powerful connection between smoking marijuana and becoming gay:

Perhaps,
the lame stream media will laugh at you, just as they have at Rep. Johnson but what
does that matter. It seems extremely likely reporters for The Advocate handed
Lilith’s Tampon to the WGNO staff, who are the most desperate among Louisiana’s
journalism community to seem cool. Even though I have no facts to support that
theory, I think that could be true, because it confirms my views on how the
world works.

Never
listen to anything the Advocate or its ilk have to say. The Advocate is the newspaper
of choice for the Louisiana-specific gay agenda, immigrant fishermen, and
fashion-forward black architects. Of all the local news teams in Louisiana, the WGNO news team really goes for the Lord Byron look the
hardest when it presents the local news – it is basically a leather clad slave gimping
whatever the Advocate spits out. It’s not like these or any other professional
media outlets have people trained to investigate stories and provide coverage
consistent with the facts involved in an investigation. Clearly, they’re trying
to be as gay as the Bayou Brief which is the gayest publication in Louisiana.

On
a side note, publicly referring to marijuana as “Lilith’s Tampon” will make you
seem cool and relatable to teens at risk of becoming gay potheads, so you
should refer to it as “Lilith’s Tampon” whenever you talk about the dangers of
marijuana in a forum when teenagers might be listening.

You
should reach out to Rep. Johnson for support and guidance. I have seen the
pictures of both of you. Given that you have trouble distinguishing between actual news and satire, while having a tendency to treat newspapers with nationwide circulation and staffs of professional trained journalists as fake news, here's a picture to remind you of what you look like:

For purposes of juxtaposition and clarity, here's a picture of Representative Johnson that literally screams "Pussy Control":

Given
how good both of you look, I cannot be responsible for the maelstrom of masculinity that washes over
Rep. Johnson, or the feelings of femininity that could push you in to his arms, just like I cannot be responsible for your inability to distinguish satire from actual news. As a result, I strongly urge both of you to implement the Mike Pence Rule. Yes,
Rep. Johnson is so not gay that he must use the same rules as Vice President
Pence. As a result, call his office, tell him I referred you in this open
letter, and ask to see his Pence special.

If you follow my advice and ask for the Pence special, perhaps our President will be pointing at you like this one day:

In
conclusion, I urge you to announce that gay scientists have laced gay chem trails
in marijuana that turns people gay via every social media tool available to you
as well as press releases. Just to be safe, you should also share this blog
post explaining why you were right on your social media feed. We
are just as trustworthy as The Daily Currant, and we are here to emphasize that
Rep. Johnson is NOT gay and to warn the public that gay chemtrails in Lilith’s Tampon
will make you gay.