Tired of the same old coffee?

After many years of study, engineers at the State University of Northern South Dakota have at last discovered a way to produce polarized coffee on an industrial scale.

The polarization of coffee has been a matter of scientific study since 1973, when scientists at the Swedish Institute for Coffee and Quantum Physics accidentally produced polarized coffee during an all night experimental session with the Swedish National Synchrotron. According to the wave-particle duality, all matter can exhibit properties of both waves and particles. Thus, it follows that all matter can be polarized, and coffee is no exception. Until now, however, polarized coffee has only existed in the laboratory. Furthermore, early forms of polarized coffee were not stable, and thus needed to be consumed immediately, which resulted in a lot of burned tongues.

While not everyone can taste the difference between polarized coffee and ordinary coffee, those who can report that polarized coffee has a cleaner and deeper flavor than the ordinary variety. This scientific breakthrough will be a cause of joy, celebration, and insomnia to coffee drinkers the world over.

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