Soul Fucking is not your parent’s intercourse.

Nor is it your everyday run of the mill shag. It’s also not a hemped up, hit that, horizontal, home run hump either. Soul Fucking is a rare, elusive and undeniably spiritual event and it’s the most powerful type of fucking we can ever experience.

Why? Because it penetrates, permeates and elevates us to new heights of feeling and intensity that everyday lovemaking can’t hold a candle to.

It’s the heroin of fucking and once we taste it, we will crave it like junkies, again and again.

According to Urban Dictionary, the definition of a soul fuck is: “when you look into someone’s eyes, and you are so connected with that person that it feels like your souls are making love.”

Uh, sorry but no, this doesn’t even scratch a left testicle compared to what I am talking about, so let me explain.

Just like Tantric sex, this deeply interconnected practice transforms and elevates us in a way that goes so beyond the feeling of orgasm, so beyond the feeling of typical coupling, so beyond the feeling of love as we know it, that it becomes a total out of body, transcendent experience.

It’s fusion, alchemy and liberation all at the same time; a merging of Shiva and Shakti, a total dissolving of individual self that cuts right through bullshit and delusion. It validates our existence on this earth in a way that no other experience can or ever will.

This is not recreational sex, but rather another tool (albeit an extremely fun and powerful tool) on the path of personal development and spiritual evolution. It is a conscious choice we make and a practice defined by the absence of fear and shame.

To engage in this practice we must be willing to expose our beautiful raw selves to each other with all the faith and trust of an infant. In partaking in this practice, we commit to revealing our inner world in a way that is exquisitely uncomfortable and divinely intoxicating. This type of immersion facilitates a way to reach “The Space Between” (thank you my beloved Dave Matthews) and to call upon the “Bliss of the Womb.”

An interesting thing about this spiritual practice is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be with a long-term committed soul mate (although that is a bonus). We might very well experience it with an enlightened partner that visits us briefly in life, opens us up in brand new ways and then leaves; another type of soul mate if you will.

Or, it may very well be with the person we’ve fully committed to and who decides to open and awaken with us, the one, who chooses to move within and through us in a simultaneous dance of four-body connection. This type of soul mate hangs around to experience and further develop this connection in and out of the bedroom.

This relationship is much more profound; this is the “Soul Fucker” I seek.

Have you had it? You would know. It stands apart and is unforgettable.

I’ve tasted it, briefly; been on the cusp of it. I’ve felt its intoxicating wonders scorch through my veins before orgasm explodes and redirects. I’ve experienced how self-talk shuts down when we allow it to, but it’s been fleeting.

To get there takes commitment, discipline, plus a sense of wild, fearless abandon. It also takes a shitload of courage. We are stripping down to our truly naked essence and this is why it’s so rare and elusive. We bring so much pain, shame, confusion and fear from the past with us into our beds; often we are not even aware of half of it.

But it’s there, lurking, waiting for an opportunity to unleash itself.

This is why it’s not for the faint of heart or mind. It’s a huge leap of faith and most of us don’t have the balls to be truly “seen” in this way. But if we get a taste of it, even just a nibble as I’ve had, then that is extremely encouraging and motivating. It is proof.

Remember, it’s a practice and even after we start to experience it, it’s likely not going to happen with every sexual encounter we have—that would be incredibly and amazingly exhausting.

If we work towards total honesty and authentic vulnerability with ourselves and with our partners then we will be on our way towards awakening into the space we need to occupy for Soul Fucking to flourish.

And this “space between” serves us well in all areas of our life, far beyond the bedroom.

About Debra Faith Warshaw

Debra Faith Warshaw, aka “The Bold & Sassy Love Coach” is a direct, disarmingly honest force of love that believes in the power of truth and love to heal us in our lives. Through her writing and coaching she passionately works to guide, support and inspire others to navigate along their authentic path. Debra works privately with couples and individuals and is also currently working on her first book about the transformative power of self-love. You can contact Debra through her website or on FB or Twitter

What an outstanding and compelling article; it resonates deeply with me to illuminate my desire to have a relationship where such a connection is not only possible, but is realized regularly. The heights of intimacy that soul f***king seem endless and wholly within the reach and power of truly connected partners. Thank you for bringing to light that which I have believed is possible!

Hi Katya, So, you want some juice eh? Well, who could blame you, it IS a juicy topic to say the least. I am thinking I will write a part 2 since others have also asked the same question. I do touch upon it here by speaking of the release we need to have with ourselves and our partners; the raw, vulnerable honesty we need to embrace. This is all about "undoing" rather than "what to do". For many who are not yet on a path of awakening this type of sexual experience will elude them. The ego and mind chatter will be too powerful. But, I will put some of these thoughts in another blog to expand upon this.

Thank you for taking the time to read and reply.
Love and Light,
~ Debra Faith

Awesome! Brilliant and yes I say no words are necessary yet your description is so vivid causing others to want that very kind of connection. Way to say and share it! It is something to be experienced no doubt.

I think to get truly bare takes a lot of courage. I have tried doing that but failed. There is soo much mind chatter going on, the complexes surfacing, all kinds of fears showing up, etc. And I personally think that this becomes even difficult if the other person doesn't know you veryy well. There has to be a connect. It HAS to be your soul mate, i believe.
Thank you Debra for this wonderful article. Already waiting for the part-2…

"Soul F***ing*** ? This is the first time I heard so raw concept to something that had to be treated very but very delicate. A sacred union is depicted like the way you are describing but it depends on the level awareness of the people doing the intercourse. When i said awareness you can do sex with someone and just fulfill your desires. When you are doing sex. you are moving yourself within a frame that is call the bodies . In general terms there are 3 structures. Physical body, astral body and causal body. When in a sexual intercourse you sincronize breathing , your touch and sexual act is consious, you place an intention on it, you make of the act something really special ( Sacred) . You will be going from the physical body to the astral body, meaning that you will start to feel things and doing things energétical . Once you are aware that a sexual act involves energy, this sexual energy can be handle and expanded conducting the experience to something that involves the unifing of physical and energétical bodies of both people. The energétical system in our bodies start to awake and elevate the frecuency of it ( chakras, nadis , talas and marmas) This process awakes on you physical sensations as euphorya & esctasis; which generated endorfines, occitosyn, & dopamine , between other fluids on the brain cortex. These substances generate lots of pleasure and are natural drugs to the human body . This in combinations with over saturation of sexual energy in our bodies will push the physical and astral body to the causal body. When we feel that you are one with the other , that the feeling of time and space are gone, that the pleasure is so intense that you get in a trance that both of you are in the same intensity of sexual awareness it becomes what is called sacred unión . The experience becomes one for both of you and you will be going in the 3 bodies meaning that there you are doing this unión energétical & you are sharing astral and causal body ( energétical feels out side of the body & aura) but also and the most important you will be in contact with the being that makes you who you are ! THE SOUL!!! Then extra body experiences can be come in different levels ; depending in the awareness of you and your Partner . There are lots of other things that happens during a sexual intercourse , offcourse like Healling, soul bounding, karma bourning , energetical attachments, energétical anclives, between other phenomena. That is why you have to choose with some one special for you, not as you suggest and i quote """It doesn’t necessarily have to be with a long-term committed soul mate""". With that person you are creating a very but very special union !!!

Thank you so very much Anand for your thoughtful and eloquent reply. You are certainly a scholar in this regard and I can hear your passion for Tantra coming through. I do believe that in many ways we are saying the same thing here, just with a different "style" of expression. As for the the long term committed partner comment, I completely understand why you would say that, but I stand by my point of view here. Perhaps it simply comes down to perception of what this sexual experience can be. From my perspective (operative words), I feel that we can experience this deep connection with someone whom has not been long term in our lives. There are, albeit rare, enlightened souls who may come along on our path and touch us in deeply connected special ways despite the length of time we've known them. I have personally experienced this. Our time with them may be fleeting, but the impression, the lasting and profound effect they have on our spirit is not.
Namaste, my friend.
Love & Light
~ Debra

I think you did answer the question about the "how". It's about giving, committing, and total trust with your partner. Where self-satisfaction doesn't exist; only connecting and giving who you are from the depths of your soul. No ego, just your true self, exposed and open to another. Great article!

It somehow confirmed my believe that your “sex is your sole” as it could be a very spiritual experience which comes from the soul. I thought that real, deep orgasms and ejaculation is our souls connecting. I look forward to learn more…

I can't help but feel like this article is one big, holier-than-thou ego dump. Great, you have an amazing connection when you're "fucking" (what a cheap word). And, awesome, most of us will never experience it because we don't have the "balls?" What else is this article contributing to readers? Other than a vain opportunity to say "Oh yes, I have done this too" in the comments section.

Speak to us with a little more humility and you might win some people over that don't already think they're at your level.

Dear "DrinkLifeUp",
I understand your opinion, and I respect it. My POV here is about something I long for, work towards, know exists, and crave in my relationships. This is why I say: "i've tasted it briefly." I do not believe myself to be at a "holier than thou" level {far from it}. It is my intention to write about interesting subject matter in an exciting and yes, somewhat provocative fashion. That is "my style" and if it does not resonate for you, well so be it, you are entitled to your opinion. Thank goodness there is enough diversity out here {particularly on EJ} for us all to find something that we can experience in a positive manner. You may find my part 2 blog to contain more of what it is you seek; or, maybe not.
Respectfully in Love,
~ Debra

I don't really believe you can teach this to someone, but I could be wrong.

Maybe once in 20 years I experienced this, for me it was about my consciousness being totally involved in the act of lovemaking, usually some part of me is observing and commenting on my pleasure or my partners.

Yes! I have tasted this with but one partner. And I have wandered in the desert looking for it again since…to no avail. How I long for that intense coupling again. I'm glad to see it was not just some fanciful psychosis on my part but an actual shared experience that others have had. Wonderful article.

It is no 'fanciful psychosis' 'S', it is so real, in every part of your life, if you are open, ready and willing to 'see' it, but you also have to 'feel' it …. I live it, every day, mixing with others who do too! Very powerful, enlightening and satisfying when two people are so aligned – 'soul-mates'

I am, too, enthralled by this concept and am in pursuit of it- I have tasted a few morsels in the past and know it is part of who I must be. The deep sadness I have is knowing with great clarity that it isn't possible with my life partner, and never will be.

Dear Catie, I understand how that must feel. Of course I know absolutely nothing at all about your relationship, but I'd like to invite you to perhaps challenge that belief. Maybe working with a professional who can assist you 2 in an opening up process will help. Feel free to reach out.
Love and Light,
~ Debra

So beautifully written, Debra!! My husband and I have intuitively related to each other this way for over two decades. It wasn’t until this past year that I came to the realization that it’s based in Tantra. It makes sense, since Tantra is accessing divinity through the human experience. A beautiful way to experience such an ecstatic part of life and add unbelievable depth. Thank you ❤️

LeillaB, A Tantric Goddess I am learning from married her Tantric Master! I am aiming for something similar! How wonderful to have this with your husband, I am inspired and know I will have this soon to continue on my incredible adventure through life! Thank you for sharing

I have had this recently in my life, sadly only one of us is ready for a full relationship …. (he has unresolved childhood trauma to deal with, but won't! And his immaturity made him 'run' from this pleasure as I opened him up to his deepest emotions which he cannot handle!) Shame as I am on an enlightened path, fully engaged in Tantric practices and hoped he would be with me for a life of pleasure and bliss. I am in no doubt that I shall have this extra-ordinary connection again, very soon, as has been revealed to me in the most unexpected ways, by the most unexpected men …. I am biding my time and choosing wisely this time ….life is truly a gift and to be lived fully :-).

It’s a shame the west has changed what tantric sex is. To Westerners this is more than tantric sex, to those of us that know TRUE, untoxicated forms of tantra know this is the deepest level. Eastern practice teaches this and yes soul sex is the highest form ever. It is true tantra period, this is nothing new or newly discovered it’s just that people were closed off to others and didn’t allow themselves to open to others this way.

Finally people are catching on to what it truly means to be one and connect to all that is.

This is nothing new…..In fact it is a practice that has been around since the beginning of time. This is what eastern tantra reaches, but the next level past this is collective consciousness because that is the purpose of arousing this energy in the first place. It is still to connect all together….that is the biggest wow of them all…..

It is nice that someone has brought it to attention but not a new practice. That is true higher tantra of the East, the one that is not taught here in the west and that which we don't understand.

Never knew it had a name or term but have the joy to say I found it with my dear, late wife many, many times. She was nearly 18 years older than I but the only person who's brought out the inner me. I never knew what real self-giving was until I met and fell in true love with her. Over the years it grew to the point that we knew each other as ourselves and it was the most intimate sexual moments when it truly came to life. Thank you all for helping me understand what it was during 35 wonderful years.

I am 55, he is 32.
It started as an attraction and a thrill, an unconventional and perhaps taboo coupling, fleeting… once maybe twice.
But with each experience it grows and has become a divine and beautiful spiritual experience.
We see each other, He sees me like no other ever has.
We are laid bare to each other.
There is no pretence, no rules.
Savage, sweaty… slow, tender, he fits into me like no other ever has.
Comfortable, intimate, connected by our eyes, hands, hearts.
We drown together and save each other as we roll with each wave.
Our bodies and consciousness entwined.
Endless pleasure, endless hunger.
Lovemaking is the drug and we are powerless.
Soulmate? No, but divine lover. Absolutely.

i dont think ive experience this , i have peyrones disease and my sex life has been going steadly down hill, its not my wifes falt she is a beautiful Hispanic woman and i love her very much also im disabled , but would like more info on this thanks john

Feeling so much gratitude as tears stream down my face…I have been blessed to have experienced this..trying to describe it to someone and getting a weird blank stare back…you wrote these words straight out of my head and heart…

I recently experienced this out of this world love making with my longterm partner. I felt it, but I haven’t asked him he felt the same. I really didn’t know what my body or mind was thinking but I’ve never felt that way before during love making. I felt so connected with him on a whole another level. It’s was so beautiful.