It was more than just a little fascinating to read this Time Healthland post, inspired by comedian Sarah Silverman’s recent confession that depression has deterred her from having children.

What Silverman actually said is this:

“I don’t want kids,” she said. “I know that I have this depression and that it’s in my family. Every family has their stuff but, for me, I just don’t feel strong enough to see that in a child.”

While I don’t pretend to have a clue about the seriousness of Sarah Silverman’s depression, I do feel as if I completely understand her train of thought. When I am struggling with depression, something which, while subtle, does plague me from time to time, one of the first things I beat myself up with is the mantra, “people like me probably shouldn’t reproduce.”

There is nothing like parenthood to bring all your flaws to the forefront. And the guilt that brings, not to mention the perspective, the sheer absurdity of looking a beautiful child, your child, in the face and feeling profoundly sad, is heavy. One thing I haven’t experienced, yet, thank God, is any inkling that my children are going to be sad like me. They’ve had their moments when I imagine I might see glimpses of their ancestral genetic baggage shining through, but so far, so good.

But let’s go back to that idea that depressed people should not burden the world with their potentially-flawed offspring, or burden their offspring with their emotional imbalances. According to Time, while the research is clear that depression is heritable, there is a lot to be said for what else these psychological conditions carry along with them and what the world would look like if it were only inhabited by people with impeccable mental stability.

The article brings up research that has linked mood disorders and creativity: Bipolar disorder has been linked to creative professions, much like computer scientists and engineers are known to share traits with people who have highly-functioning autism. And we are always hearing about great authors, musicians and artists who were terribly depressed.

“This means that if you eliminate the genes that carry these mental-health risks, you may also do away with their associated benefits. The research suggests strongly that the genes associated with our most tragic psychological conditions may also carry the potential for our greatest talents and skills.”

And this leads to the question “What would we lose as a society if every person with a mental imbalance decided not to have children?”

“By selecting against our “worst” genes, we may run the risk of losing our greatest gifts.”

And if we are going to start analyzing human weaknesses and using them as a measuring stick with which we assess parental competence, where would it begin and end? If depressed people shouldn’t procreate, what about arrogant people, vain people, close-minded people, not so smart people, people who are bad at math, people who are afraid of dogs, people who curse incessantly, people who don’t exercise or eat right, people who like terrible movies or music?

Depression can be debilitating. Obviously, Sarah Silverman, and any woman, has every right to decide for themselves what they can or cannot handle. But I can’t help wanting to tell her, “Don’t sell yourself, or your potential children, short. You might be surprised.”

What are your thoughts about parenthood and depression? Do you think people who suffer from depression should become parents?

77 Responses to Should people with depression have kids?

This hits close to home. My boyfriend has clinical depression; and he’s also brilliant. He made excellent grades in school and has almost a photgrapbhic memory, especially when it comes to numbers (he does calculus for fun). He has said he doesn’t want kids because of the risk of it being inherited or having it affect them. I know he’d be a wonderful father and is selling himself short but don’t know how to tell him.

Daisysays:

June 6, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I have depression which has been extremely serious at times, but parenthood has always been my dream. Depression is a disease like any other, and many people with diseases decide to have children. Everyone deserves to have children if they want to. We need all types of people in the world.

Debrasays:

June 6, 2012 at 1:44 pm

I myself also have major depression plus a few other disorders. But when I was younger I never had problems it was in my 20’s when it all happened. I have a 2 1/2 yr old daughter and pregnant with our first boy. I do feel bad that they may get what I am dealing with. I do know now for how I felt and all I can keep an eye out and help them if I notice it. In school I was and still am very creative and did well. I had plenty of friends and didn’t get into much trouble. It all depends for a person and their thoughts. I’ve always wanted a family also and now I have it. Theres days yes I just want to hide from everyone including my family but when I see my daughter and the things she does that makes me smile things get better.

Juliussays:

June 6, 2012 at 2:16 pm

Very interesting post and an important topic. I have struggled with anxiety since I was in jr. high. Thereay be some depression in there too, and that runs in my family. My son has inherited my apparent lack of resilience, but he also has an appreciation for games/sports/distractions and just silliness from his dad. The qualities that sometimes drive me nuts in my husband, give me comfort when I see them in my kids.

Emmasays:

June 6, 2012 at 2:27 pm

My mum has clinical depression. She is a very skilled self employed accountant. She has huge creative talent for clothes making knitting and crocheting. And she has made an incredible mum. Being totally honest if I could chose any mum in the world I would keep her. Yes she has slightly passed on her depression I’m prone to situational depression but as yet haven’t needed it treated. But that didnt deter me from deciding to get pregnant with my son (who is now a week late hurry up kid) and I hope to have more children. I think Depression should only be a deterrent to parenthood if it is severe enough to affect the ability to parent.

spiralingsnailssays:

June 6, 2012 at 2:36 pm

I’m not sure I can find the right way to explain this, but I think some of the problem is that we tend to use the wrong comparison: “I have depression, so my kids might have depression, so it would be better to let other people produce kids without depression.” But in reality the comparison should be “Given a choice, would my hypothetical kids prefer to be alive with depression or not to exist at all?” There are some people who are unfortunate carriers for cruel genetic diseases where the only merciful choice is not have (biological) kids. However, most of our faults are really not bad enough make non-existence a better choice than a potentially flawed existence.

carolinesays:

June 6, 2012 at 2:39 pm

I am 40 and have struggled with my depression since my teens. I went through a fairly good period for a few years but Post Natal Depression has not left me. I have been on various meds, but many are too sedative in their effect. I have a 23 year old who shows no signs of this illness and is a very balanced, happy and driven young man. Has worked hard since his teens and now has a career in the aviation industry. Does professional photography, has his Pilots Licence and is working towards his commercial pilots licence. All of which he is funding through his own earnings. . I also have a 6 and 3 year old. They can be described as two of the most happy children I a lot of my associates have come accross. Despite being very strong willed and often very difficult to deal with…if anyone reads the Baby Whisperer book, they are definitely Highly Spirited

I also have had a long problem with substance misuse and I am very worried this addictive gene (if indeed there is one) may affect my kids. So far my eldest seems fine, but I worry about the younger two.

I had a history of depression when I got pregnant with my daughter, but she was an oops! baby so there wasn’t a lot of though put into my passing on this illness. When she was 5 yrs old I was hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar disorder because I was suicidal. She is the reason I am still alive after that. She gives me a purpose and a reason to be alive. She makes me want to be a better person and a better mom.

EMMAsays:

June 6, 2012 at 2:58 pm

While I don’t think the fact of someone having depression should make them wan tto forgo having children all together I think everyone with any genetic illnesses should think it through. My husband and his side of the family have issues with cancer & diabetes, my family also has cancer and high blood pressure. Did that fit into the equation when considering children, definatley. But we also knew that if we didn’t our particular lives wouldn’t be half as fullfilling as they are with our daughter (and any future children) in them. I do however have some cousins older than me by some years who chose not to have children b/c his fathers family had a history of schizophrenia(sp?) his great grandfather was affected by it in his later years his grand father and his father earlier on. He never showed any signs of it but he didn’t want to take the chance of putting a child through that illness. But to me its like anything else you press on and hope for the best.

Shelbysays:

June 6, 2012 at 3:22 pm

My husband and I have a history of depression on both sides; it is a treatable condition. We have three beautiful children and we will be watching them closely for early signs of depression, should they appear.

CCJsays:

June 6, 2012 at 4:58 pm

I have been dealing with bouts of moderate depression since my parents divorced when I was 11. On top of that, I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Panic Attacks when I was 15. The anxiety affects me a lot more than depression does, so that’s where the real issues are. Anyway, I’ve been dealing with all of that for a long time, as I’m almost 30 now… which means that I’ve had all this time to find healthy coping strategies to deal with my anxiety and depression, sans medication. I do not feel, nor have I ever felt that I should not have children because of my issues or whatever disorders may run in my family. I don’t feel that my children are necessarily doomed to end up with anxiety or depression just because I have those problems. Rather than seeing it as a reason not to have kids, I look at it this way: If my kids ever show any signs of depression or anxiety, I will have a wealth of personal experience to refer to to help them find a way that works for them to cope with their problems. And, if it comes down to it, there is always therapy and even meds, if that is the only thing that helps them. All I have to do differently than anyone else is keep my eyes open for any signs.

i myself have bipolor and i myself have 3 kids and a new baby on the way and i do great yes at times it can be very hard for me but others its what i love the most i have always wanted children even before drs had told me i had bipolor and even with all the other family traits i have going on with me as well as my husband mind you but we are great parents and love our children and we do whatever we can for them as well as plan to do for them

triciasays:

June 6, 2012 at 5:15 pm

I have depression and generalized anxiety disorder. It never occured to me to not have children so as not to pass that on to them. I also have a family history of hypertension and diabetes. Should I not have children because of those diseases? My husband has MS. Although we have some concern about that, we still didn’t think twice about having children.

And whose to say that the children that are adopted don’t have a family history of mental illness. You can’t always know for sure that the biological parents will report all of their family history.

Although we have a strong family history of depression/anxiety, we also have a strong family history of great artists and musicians. I’ll take the good with the bad, both in myself and in my children.

Juliesays:

June 6, 2012 at 6:11 pm

My mom is bi-polar and schizophrenic. If she chose not to have kids because of her mental illnesses I wouldn’t be here. I thankfully have not suffered from any mental illness (yet).

Kimsays:

June 6, 2012 at 8:06 pm

I have had clinical depression since I was 10 or so. It has been well controlled with medicine. Someone once said taking medicine for depression is like needing glasses. If I had poor eyesight, I would get glasses or surgery to correct it. It wouldn’t keep me from having children because I might pass that on to my children. And my children are the light of my life, the greatest blessing. I look at them as the reason I made it through all the stuff I dealt with when I was younger.

Jessicasays:

June 6, 2012 at 10:07 pm

Depression is something that can be treated, either with or without medication. My entire life I have struggled with it. I had my first child at 21 years old and the depression came back with a vengeance after he was born. I tried different medications and did find the side effects to bother me more than I had hoped. When he was about six months old I decided to get off medication and try lifestyle changes. I lost weight, meditated, read every “feel good self help” book I could. I felt like I as cured. Then at 25 my husband and I became pregnant with our second child. After she was born, I dont think I had trouble with post partum depression. I do think sometimes I may have confused it with stress, from learning how to deal with two kids all day. Even though I made plenty of lifestyle changes to ensure my own happiness, my depression is easily triggered more than ever now @ 27 years old. I have gone through therapy and have been told more than once I am perfectly sane person with a chemical imbalance that can only be resolved with medication. I went to my doctor and he introduced to me a new medication. The side effects are low, and the positive effect on my life is AMAZING. Medication has lifted the mask over my eyes and it shown me life doesnt have to be SO HARD. I am a better mother for my children, a better wife and better friend. The point of my story is, you dont have to suffer and the depression you experience every once in a while may be effecting your life in ways you dont even realize. I also believe the route your brain is built during childhood can be different for your children than it was for you. If you are able to look back at your parents parenting and know what went wrong, then make the positive changes in your own parenting, kids have a better chance of being happy.

Lizsays:

June 6, 2012 at 11:58 pm

To Caroline (#7)- since you posted yesterday I don’t know if you’ll end up seeing this at some point, but after reading your comment I just wanted to say that I come from a long line of alcoholics (mother, grandmother, several uncles) and so far at almost 24 years old I have not shown any signs of substance abuse or addictive tendencies. Seeing my mother struggle with her recovery left me particularly motivated to monitor my own drinking habits and make sure that I’m not developing any problems, and knowing that I’m genetically predisposed to addiction has made me more careful with alcohol- for example, I don’t drink when I’m upset, nor do I ever drink alone. When your younger kids are old enough to understand addiction/ substance misuse, talking to them about it may help if you think it would be appropriate. Hope that helps!

If someone would have asked me this question when I was 21 before I knew much about t depression I probably would have answered this question differently. But Im am almost 45 years of age and I currently care for my twin grandchildren who are now 16 months old, and are absolutely wondereful,beutififul and just bring me such joy. I have care for them pretty much since they were born with a little help with there mom when shes in a good state. My daughter their mom, has bi-polar disorder, epilelpsy and a learning disability. Before the twins were born she decided she wanted to have a baby and decided this with the childens father, whom she met in high school they are now both 21 years of age. I tried to encourage them with almost every fiber of my being as well as family members, and friends not to get pregnant right now atleast not so young and to wait until atleast they were a little bit older atleast. They decided this is what they wanted and she stopped all contraception and got pregnant with the twins. Well I suffer from anxiety and depression and my daughters father suffers with a severe bi-polar disorder in which was discovered when my daughter was about two years old because he was in the remission stage and wasnt taking any medication for seven years after his first episode and his family really didnt understand much about bi-polar disorder anyway and never even discussed it until his next episode which was worst than the first. I think if I had of know what I know now from my experiences with self, x-husband and now daughter I would have probably thought long and hard before having children, our first baby was still-born which had nothing to do with our disorders but thats another story. Now its 3am in the morning im feeling some depression today so maybe thats why I feel this way right now. But, l feel life has been a struggle for me since my first diagnosis of depression which started when I was pregnant the second time with my daughter. I wouldnt take nothing for her, I love her dearly we are very close we live in the same building. I watch her go through some really hard struggles with her bipolar depression which has caused her to loose custody of her kids. She’s never done any physical harm to them but she made a statement to someone about how she was feeling when her kids were around and she felt sometimes she couldnt take their crying in which that person reported to cps and thats how they ended up involved in her life. But her step-grandfather and I care for her twins now and shes sees them but is still court ordered to have supervised visitation with them and so is her boyfriend because of his anger issues. I hope my grandchildren who by the way are meeting all their milestones ,are happy and healthy and seem to be developing well dont have to deal with depression and other illness as we do. our situation has been very hard on all of us but we are all trying to take it all day by day and are trying to cope with our situation as best as we possibly can. I really hope that all these people who ask me time to time ” do you think they will have the same problems as their mom and dad or what are the possibilities of them being like their parents or what are you going to do if they do ect. ect. one day when the kids are older and hopefully thriving well in life think what a idiot I was to even think this way. They have really developed into really wonderful individuals.

Sorry for the spelling errors. Im just really tired and rambling on and on. Its kinda of neat to feel like I have some adults to talk to. I guess Im actually missing not going to work everyday. Im starting to now understand how young mom’s felt when I would hear them say, I sometimes wish I had adults to talk if they were home with babies all the time. I went back to work after I had my daughter 21 years ago when I was 24, and never understood that then I guess.

Wow. Thanks for your candor. What a story, and one that we can all take something from. You sound like a super mom and grandmom. I wish you all the best of luck.

ASsays:

June 7, 2012 at 5:50 am

If you can take care of the said child, I don’t see a problem…a lot of what ifs. There are some people that suffer depression that shouldn’t as they can barely take care of themselves, and a lot that are productive members of society and therefore would be able to take care of a child just fine.

Heathersays:

June 7, 2012 at 5:55 am

This is very interesting. I don’t suffer from depression myself, but my husband does, and I know that for a very long time he didn’t want to have children because he didn’t want to risk passing it down to them. Eventually he changed his mind and we now have an 8 year old and a 3 year old. He still does worry some that as they get older they will start to show signs of depression. He was close to 20 when it hit him, so he won’t relax for quite a while, I’m sure. I don’t worry as much about them developing depression as I worry about how his bad days affect them. He’s on medication, and most of the time it helps, but sometimes it doesn’t. I absolutely don’t think it should keep him, or anyone else from having children though. I just think we need to be vigilant about keeping an eye on our children for any signs and being supportive if they ever do develop symptoms, which is something he didn’t have until we got together. His family to this day doesn’t have a clue how bad it really is and he’s been dealing with it for 20 years.

Catherinesays:

June 7, 2012 at 11:12 am

MY SON ROCKS!

I have depression… I’ve always had a psychiatrist and a therapist and i’ve been on various different meds for 15+ years. I got sober 7 years ago (I used to LOVE pot and alcohol as most depressed people do). Getting sober changed everything. I got married and had a son (now 20mos) all while staying sober and staying on my meds. This, for me at least, was key.

Sure, I was nervous to have children but with VERY CAREFUL monitoring by my dr I reduced meds prior to getting pregnant, and only stayed on low doses of Prozac and Wellbutrin until the final weeks. I had him 6 weeks early (yes, scary) but beside that he’s 100% healthy.

Here’s the scoop: MATERNAL DEPRESSION HAS SERIOUS EFFECTS ON DEVELOPING CHILDREN… even on fetuses. I was willing to take the risk of staying on the meds to keep me steady rather than going off meds and risking my child being a victim of maternal depression (which can effect the way they see the world and form relationships, as well as how they see themselves etc). I’ve armed myself with knowledge on early interventions and am confident that SHOULD my son show signs of depression, I will seek appropriate help. As for now, he has a mom who is peaceful, happy, fun, silly etc and who models self-care. It really works for us. GOOD LUCK!

Najjasays:

June 7, 2012 at 1:17 pm

As the daughter of a woman who suffers from severe depression, I have to admit that many times I’ve thought that my mother shouldn’t have had children. Her emotional instability most often got the better of her and prevented her from being the mother she should have been to my sister and I. I love my mother immensely, but it’s hard for me get beyond her illness and have a certain level of sensitivity towards it. Although, I do agree with the author that the world would be at a great loss if every depressed person chose not to reproduce.

nikonajdsays:

June 7, 2012 at 1:30 pm

I just think this has to be a personal decision, and can’t be universally declared. I do not believe that everyone who may or may not suffere from depression should automatically rule it out. However, given the number of murder/suicides involving parents and children in the news, there may be people that should not. In Sarah’s case, she says she doesn’t feel strongly enough about kids to over-ride her fear of passing on the depression. Another mother may, and can take steps to counteract the inheritable genes by going in with their eyes open.

Katsays:

June 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

While I believe everyone has a choice in if they want kids or not, its hard to think that what your family history is dictates that decision. There are so many awful things that happen in the world along with so many good. I’ve heard of super healthy people having children with health problems and on the flip side, parents who are not healthy having very healthy and active children.

My son was not planned and boy were we not ready. But with all of my family history of mental disease, my history of asthma and allergies. I would like to say he is a happy child. I hope that his morals and values will help him cope with anything the world brings him in his life and will help him make good decisions. Above all else, I couldn’t imagine my life without him. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me

Gabriellesays:

June 7, 2012 at 1:34 pm

I struggled with depression in my younger years and then was diagnosed with manic depression in my early 20s. There have been times when things have gotten rough, but through God, my family, some meds, and my own inner strength I have learned how to manage the ups and downs to my cycles.
I was told once that I shouldn’t have kids because I could pass on my problems to them. I stopped and considered it … for about 5 seconds. But I did do some research. There is only a 25% chance that I could pass on something to my children. That was all I needed to hear.
Now, I have a beautiful DS who will be four this month. And I am doing a pretty darn good job at raising him. He is polite, loving, funny, smart, adventurous, and knows exactly when mommy needs a big hug! I get compliments all the time about what a good job I am doing (despite the bipolar!)and what a great kid he is! But he also is a life support for me. Now, I haven’t gotten back to those suicidal type depressions of my earlier years, but even if I did, there is something that will always stop me … him. I love him too much and love being a mom too much to ever leave him before I am supposed to. I also have a great support system that knows exactly when and how to step in when I need some help!
I agree that there are some people who shouldn’t have kids, and I respect anyone like Sarah that makes that decision, but for my motherhood has been the best thing to ever happen to me! And I can’t wait for God to bless me with number 2, 3, and 4!

Knickerbockersays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:02 pm

My husband suffers from depression, anxiety, and also is in recovery. If I truly think about it, sure it scares me that our duaghter could have the genes….but I never gave it one second of thought about whether or not he should have kids. It has been the biggest joy of his life. I know he loves her way more than he loves me (okay, in a different way, but you know what I mean) — and I am totally okay with that and proud to have been a part of him receiving this gift. Having children – to us – is what life is all about and I cannot help but feel sorry for people who don’t feel the same way.

pictish13says:

June 7, 2012 at 2:04 pm

My mom has Major Depressive Disorder, and it was pretty severe when my sister and I were kids. I think the key is taking care of yourself and seeking help. Unfortunately my mom didn’t seek help until I was in college. Living with her as a child was hard, as we were constantly walking on eggshells since anything could set her off. She would also take her roller-coaster emotions out on us, and at times was abusive, particularly verbally abusive. Now she is on medications and seeing a therapist–she’s like a different person. I wish she had sought help earlier, but at least now she is functioning and stable, and we can have a positive relationship.
All in all, to have kids or not to have kids is a personal decision, like so many have already said. If you struggle with any kind of psychiatric disorder, though, it’s important to seek help, because you’re not the only person who’s affected by it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be with medications (although for some, it is necessary–my mom’s story is a testament to that)–therapy, meditation, support groups, etc. are all helpful and beneficial.
I’ll also say that I love my mom. My childhood was difficult at times, but I’m glad she decided to have me and my sister. Now I’m a mom myself and I can appreciate how difficult it was for her to manage everything, and having depression on top of it. I say again, though, seeking help is sooooo important, and might have saved my family a lot of heartache if she had done it sooner.

Fabiolasays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:08 pm

I had serious depression on my 30’s. I take anti-depression medicine. When I was 41 my daughter was born beautiful, healthy and very very smart. Now she is 4, more beautiful and smarter than ever.

Stephaniesays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:11 pm

I have struggled with episodes of depression my whole life (probably starting with a traumatic event in first grade that was never emotionally resolved), and my mom has also stuggled with bouts of depression (since before that traumatic event) without treatment and probably without even acknowledging the disease. Because of all of this, I did lots of research in high school which all pointed to evidence that yes, mothers with depression are more likely to have children who suffer from depression. But more importantly that percentage drops dramatically for mother who have saught treatment. Understanding the disease and being able to self observe our behavior and the impact it has on those around us is incredibly beneficial for our children! Not only is my (now 13 month old) daughter less likely to experience depression, or at a lessened severity than mine, but I can help her learn to keep her body in balance (eating right, getting enough sleep, exercise), and if that’s not enough I can support her there too. My job as her mother is to help her understand and thrive in this world (at a pace her development is ready for, of course). How much more equipped am I by my experiences, whatever they may be.

Erinsays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:18 pm

I’m sorry, but this post rubbed me wrong.

If we are talking about weather women with depression should have kids, where is the board for women with asthma or diabetes, or even overweight women have kids, because those are all common health conditions that may limit the woman.
And what kind of depression makes it not-okay? Generalized depression, bi polar depression, depression with psychotic features, or even postpartum depression? Plus, more then 80% of Americans have had a depression at one point in there life. It’s not always there, it can come and go; and if you’re lucky enough to only have one your whole life, congrats!

Good for Sarah, because that is her choice, just like a women with a family history of heart (or what ever) problems and doesn’t want to pass that on to her kids. If she does choose she wands kids, there’s always adoption, it’s not an all or nothing.
But I don’t see why this is such a big deal, honestly. I have two beautiful boys and a history of the stuff. Big deal!

shannon osays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:27 pm

I have suffered w/depression probably my whole life, mostly due to PTSD. I was not planning on becoming a mother; in fact, I felt suicidal not long before I became pregnant (I have a very rare neurological disorder called Isaac’s syndrome which at the time was undiagnosed & it’s VERY painful). To further complicate things, the father of my child left me when I became preggy and I was also coping with the tragic death of a cousin. But therapy is an important tool, no matter the severity of depression. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, my whole outlook on life turned for the better. Do I still struggle w/depression? Of course I do. But does that mean I think I shouldn’t have become a mother? NO! Because I am in tune w/my body & mind and I won’t hesitate to talk to family/friends and/or a counselor when I feel depression or anxiety worsen. I am a great mom! Yes, I have a painful disability AND depression. But I also have a strong support system. Which is important.

My daughter (who just turned 2) is such a HAPPY tot! She’s thriving, healthy, BEAUTIFUL, is always laughing & smiling, eager to learn, curious, and is the light of my world. Her daddy had a change of heart after she was born and he&I are now happily raising our child together.

I think it is important for everyone struggling w/depression who wants to become (or already is) a parent to just be aware and know the limits of what you can or can’t handle both physically and emotionally. If you’re having a bad day, or feel overwhelmed…meet up w/other parents w/kids for a play date. Or take some time to yourself – get a sitter for a couple of hours and get outside, take a long bath, whatever make you happy, DO IT even if you lose interest in the things you used to love . But most importantly, make sure your doctor knows what you’re going through. He/she may recommend a medication…and/or therapy. It works! It doesn’t cure it, but it certainly helps.

Also, if you have depression and you’re a parent – be on the lookout for signs that your child may have the gene as well.

THANK YOU BETSY SHAW, FOR POSTING YOUR ARTICLE! Awareness and education on topics such as parents with depression is vital!

I think children are a blessing no matter how they get here, who birth them or the past that follows them.

Sure you could pass it on to your kids, and you may not. Who knows.

I grew up with a mother who was Bi-polar. A father who was Bi-polar and killed himself. A brother that is Bi-polar and threatened my very life many times.

I don’t regret any of it. It made me strong (kinda like that boy named sue song..) It made me compassionate, understanding and a very happy go lucky person, I have an optimistic personality that is MILES long. It also prepared me for motherhood.

It prepared me to learn how to deal with autism in my step-son, severe ADHD with my 6yr old, and how to better cope with my own type of PTSD from the military.

Other than PTSD, I have no other mental issues. I do not have Bi-polar, I am not depressed, in fact I am very happy most of the time. I have gone further than anyone in my family and would be what society considers “normal” in brain function compared to my family.

So where one part of the tree branch went the same path as my mother, the other (me) reached for the stars.

So I would say, yes by all means have children, let nothing get in your way, only you can decide if children in your life is right for you and your family. However they come about, they are always a blessing.

HLHsays:

June 7, 2012 at 2:51 pm

As a woman, and a psychologist, who has experienced post-partum depression and had to be placed on medication after I had my first baby, I’m a little offended at the idea that depressed people should not have kids. In today’s world of modern medicine, there are solutions.

Was it terrifying and disappointing at first to have a newborn when I felt so terrible? Was it damn difficult to deal with some days? Yes. But if I knew then what I know now, I’d still choose to have a child. And I would like to have one more. My depression is in remission–I am off medication again and feel great. I have a 2-year-old with a happy, content disposition most of the time. Maybe he’ll struggle with depression someday, maybe he won’t. The important thing is depression is manageable, and if you have supportive family, friends, and health care, it should not be the sole determinant of what you choose to do in the future.

Jennysays:

June 7, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I had my beautiful son almost three years ago, despite having had depression, bipolar disorder, and PTSD for much of my life. I was fine at first, then a few months in, I started bursting into fits of rage, crying at anything and everything. I was diagnosed with post partum depression and stress, and was back on medication very quickly. I did ok for about a year, and then something snapped again. Nothing has been the same since. I love my son dearly, and I’d love to have more kids, but I feel like the worst mother in the world. I don’t know the last time I was truly happy, content, and pleased with life. I hate what I’m putting my family through, and I believe they would be better off without me, but I don’t want to leave my son. Selfish? Maybe. But do I love him? Completely.

It hurts to read this, Jenny. But I’m glad you commented. Please don’t feel like the worst mother in the world. As you probably know, you are the worst judge of that. I have felt, however briefly, that feeling you mention of believing your family would be better off without you. It’s not selfish. It just is. I hope you can find peace with this. Sooner than later.

Heathersays:

June 7, 2012 at 3:12 pm

I have had depresson since I was 12 years old I’m now 22 and have a 23 month old baby boy and I still have bad depresson but my lil boy just knows how to fix it if I wake up feeling down and not in the mood his lil face and kisses and hugs just make it all go away for some people having kid can change there lifes for the best others not so much :'( but depresson shouldnt stop people for having kids it could be the best thing to take away yur depresson …. take it from me

Stephaniesays:

June 7, 2012 at 3:16 pm

I just wanted to add a huge thank you to everyone out there who understands, and shared. Yesterday was really tough for me (today was better) but your stories have touched my heart in a way I really needed. Thank you for your strength and perseverence. Thank you for sharing the deep love you have for your children and grandchildren. And thank you for your openness.

Angelsays:

June 7, 2012 at 3:54 pm

I have depression and there are times when my children are the only reason I fight, and battle on til the next day, for me it’s not worrying that I have depression it’s worrying that the disease might actually consume me entirely if something should happen to them. I do think that this is a descion each depressed person should make for themselves, some may be able to handle several children some just one and some may say none for me thanks, and to me that’s just okay.

kiahsays:

June 7, 2012 at 4:01 pm

although i have periodically longed for a child of my own, i know that my own depression, anxiety, …. prevents me from tolerating the 24/7 responsibilities that go with parenthood. some of us know our limits and some don’t. i’m glad to know mine. i’m glad also to be blessed with siblings who’ve provided me with beautiful nieces and nephews to dote over and spend quality time with.

DWsays:

June 7, 2012 at 4:10 pm

I never had any history with depression. Until the birth of my first child. I thought Brooke Shields just must have been looney. The postpartum depression floored me, it was more than “unhappy”, it felt like someone pulled the plug on anything and everything I ever cared about. I looked at my husband as a stranger. My child who I wanted was difficult to hold. My spunky, opinionated, and sharp witted self was reduced to indifference towards life. My favorite phrase became, “I don’t care”. I stopped eating and I thought I would just whither away to nothing and just die. But the worst thing I feared was that my child would be motherless. No kind of positive thinking would pull me out of the dark hole. It wasn’t until I accepted I really had depression and I needed help. I needed more than talking to the postpartum depression therapist who just reminded me it would go away. I finally took medication that brought me back to life. It was magic…I was myself again.

I am no longer depressed and no longer on medication. I actually decided to have another kid knowing I had a greater chance of it happening again. And it did, but much less severe. I took the medication again and it brought me back again. I am med free, happy with two beautiful daughters. So I can only imagine what someone who has had chronic depression feels like every day. But I would also like to think that someone who has depression would take the precautionary measures of using medication to manage the problem, especially when I a child is involved. It is the responsible thing to do. And with that, why shouldn’t someone who has a history of depression not have kids. I love my kids. The depression humbled me and my kids offer me more joy than I can describe. Let medical options help you to live a full and complete life.

Jennifersays:

June 7, 2012 at 4:34 pm

I couldn’t have said it better myself. The paths our children take in life are not under our control. People with remarkable disabilities and disorders still manage to live very complete lives. It’s time to stop seeing problems as a standard for quality of life. (And I say this as an anxious depressive sort of person.)

Maryannsays:

June 7, 2012 at 5:37 pm

From study during my degree, it appears that most of the ‘evidence’ suggesting genetic factors have not actually been seperated from environmental factors (including how children feel when they see their parents upset.) Depression is treated as an external factor, however much of it seems to be associated with situation, life issues etc. which is why cognitive behavioural therapy can be so effective in treating depression. Don’t give up! Feeling sad/anxiety sometimes can be a really positive call to action to address the underlying issues we all face at some point in our lives!

Lisa Ksays:

June 7, 2012 at 6:45 pm

I have suffered from depression most of my life- controlled by medication. While I am not a perfect mom (who is?), I am a more empathetic mom than many “normal” I know because of it. And I would not trade my two kids for the world- they give my life real purpose when I want to give up.

Daniellesays:

June 7, 2012 at 7:00 pm

As a human race in general, we need to evolve. We are psychologically primitive. Who is to really say the root of depression, anxieties and psychological disorders are because of this? Often those who have experienced no heart ache, difficulties or ‘depression’ are the least equipped to handle any arising problems with anxieties and depression in their children. The facts are that people with depression are not the only ones to breed children with depression. People oblivious to life’s obstacles can provide the worst example to their offspring, the worst set of tools to help and in fact cause damage so irrepairable that they create the depression and anxiety that their children are experiencing. Where as a person with endless experience and wisdom in depression and anxiety have developed the necessary tools to help and nurture their children through the inevitable hard times that come to pass. They dont avoid and neglect such problems because they know first hand of the ramifications involved in avoidance. So maybe a similar arguement can go with the opposite, should people who have never experienced depression, anxieties or psychological disorders be allowed to procreate. I think both theories are as rediculous as each other

Sharon Lernersays:

June 7, 2012 at 7:17 pm

This really caught my attention because I had always had mild depression and I remember asking someone before I got pregnant “What if the baby cries, and I am too depressed to get out of bed”. I don’t know why I was so surprised then after I had post-natal depression following the birth of my second baby – It really hit me hard. A year and a half later I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. Yes, I worry about my children and if they will one day have to deal with this often debilitating disease. But then I think to myself ‘If I can live with this and be strong, have faith in God, have acceptance, and humility with it, then that will be my greatest achievement. And if my children can see me live with depression but also with dignity and all the aforementioned qualities, then I will have taught them how to handle adversity – something EVERYONE has to deal with; depression or not. This is just my challenge and my children teach me how to get through it. But then again I have a loving and understanding husband who is there to pick up the slack. I think there should be at least one mentally stable adult. Although my husband is a recovering addict. Oh well I guess we really are screwed!
But in all honesty, depression, bi polar, addiction, anxiety. Who among us does not deal with at least one of these things. The human race would die out.

Debsays:

June 7, 2012 at 7:45 pm

I have had depression and severe mood swings since I was a child and still suffer regularly. I have children and see the beginning signs in one of them. It scares me because she is only 8 I wonder if it could possibly be worse in her. I over compensate by letting her do whatever she wants most times because I just want her to be happy and not suffer. Sometimes I blame myself not only because I may have given her the genetic predisposition but also because I was going through a very difficult time in my life when she was born until she was 6. I have now given her a younger sibling which has made her happier than she was before. I believe it is important to find what makes a child happy and help channel their energy in tht direction. Easier said than done but at least it gives me a goal to work towards.

SGsays:

June 7, 2012 at 9:11 pm

Depression is a heritable trait but gene expression has a lot to do with it as well–if you do provide a stable envt there’s a good chance the children will not suffer, and most depressions are quite treatable w/ science and medications improving every day. Aside from someone who has experienced extreme post-partum psychosis involving the desire to harm herself or her children, I can’t fathom a mild to moderate or even severely depressed person not having children simply due to fear of passing it on. I can understand that someone who tires easily and struggles in general may not want to take on children, but people who truly want children should not let genetic predispositions deter them. It’s all a gamble to some degree in the end.

Nicolesays:

June 7, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I have suffered from bipolar disorder since I was a teen, although I have only been diagnosed within the last few years (I’m 30 now). While if given the choice I certainly would not have chosen this, having these deep depressions did not stop me from wanting kids. I still felt that I had good qualities and that I would be a good mother, despite my flaws. Now I have 4 year old twins and they are the light of my life. In fact, a lot of times they are the thing that keeps me going through the darkness, because I know they need me, and I cannot leave them without a mother. They are beautiful, smart, talented, and in short wonderful little people. If I had made the choice not to have kids, they wouldn’t exist and bless so many others lives. I would never ever regret the choice I made. It may be harder on me than most other people but worthwhile 100%.

Sandysays:

June 7, 2012 at 9:45 pm

What amazing stories. I am not very open to tell my stories but definetely I was touched by your stories. Thank you to everyone. I just have a question to Deb. What are the begining depression signs that you see in your child?

Anzelsays:

June 7, 2012 at 11:52 pm

I suffer from major depression. I never planned to have children. But the reason was not linked to depression. I fell pregnant when my husband and I got married. I was very disappointed at first, but my husband was very excited. I was wondering how I’d cope with having a child. Depression is also in my family. I suffer from Severe Depression and bi-polar. I had to stop all medication immediately. This stressed me. But, for some bizarre reason, depression never became an issue. I had so many complications during my pregnancy. I had high prolactin levels, and was admitted to hospital, as they thought I had a tumor on my pituitary gland. Only to find that the anti-depressants I was using caused this imbalance on my hormones. At five months I had my appendix removed, and a week before I gave birth at 8 months, I was sitting on the front seat of a bus, when the bus hit a padestrian. I was a little rattled seeing this man slamming into the bus window. But, not once through any of these events did I experience any depression. I did however cry very easily, but not thoughts of self destruction, morbidity or bouts of isolation. These are the things that I used to experience during depression. I wanted to breastfeed, but my son had 3 holes in his heart and took forever to finish one feeding, as his body wasn’t getting enough oxygen to stay awake and finish a feeding. This made me go into another state of depression and I had to start my anti-depressants again. My son is now two years old. I don’t look back one day. My depression has been in remission for over a year now. Dr is considering to lower the dosage for the first since I started my medication. I was also diagnosed with Rheumatoid arthritis a year after giving birth. The medication I’m now using is the same as chemo, so there is no way that I can fall pregnant. My husband therefore had a vasectomy. I am so grateful that God gave me my son before this disease was discovered.
I would encourage anyone to have a child. It changes your world, and makes you realise many things you never thought about.

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