Thursday, December 20, 2012

You Win, You Win... You Lose, You Still Win..

This is a good time for media folks to remember the Romans (Ashutosh of
IBN calls them “Romany”). The Romans repeatedly lost their battles to the Gauls
but took the defeats in their stride. There are many of our friends in the
media who may need psychological counselling tonight; they may be going through
the Pakistani syndrome of forever losing battles and wars. Rajdeep Sardesai,
Barkha Dutt, Sagarika Ghose, Shekhar Gupta, Dileep Padgaonkar, Aakar Patel, S.
Vardarajan, Ashutosh, Nikhil Wagle, Malini P and all their fellow campaigners
in the media need to be complimented for their brave campaign against Narendra Modi. Then there are other
foot soldiers like Shabnam Hashmi, Mallika Sarabhai, Javed Anand, Sanjiv Bhatt,
and it’s time to say Hasta La Teesta
to them. Politicians don’t have much of a problem with losing elections and
deal with it quite well. They are used to it and always have their reasons
ready.

The first rule to remember in a battle is the advice that Joey La Motta
gives his brother in the landmark movie “Raging
Bull”. Jake La Motta is up for another shot at the world title and is
constantly worried about his weight but won’t stop eating. You know, sort of
the Barkhas and Sagarikas who can’t stop eating while they campaign. Barkha
goes even further, doing most of her campaigning from restaurants like ‘Agashiye’
or ‘Vishalla’ in Ahmedabad. Barkha seems to like Vishalla because it’s close to
her only campaign spot ‘Juhapura’, which is a Muslim ghetto in Ahmedabad. See?
Mention these two ladies and one can’t help getting distracted. Where were we?
Oh yes, here’s Joey’s exemplary to advice to his tough, raging, boxer brother
Jake:

“If
you win, you win... If you lose, you still win”.

Hear the audio of that brilliant piece of wisdom from Joey La Motta at Hark. That’s the spirit to show. Life
goes on! And none of the media folks are losers anyway. They and their channels
have made a huge pile of money in their feverish campaigns all these years.
Some of them are even known to have become “abnormally affluent” and known to
own real estate beyond their known sources of income. But still, an election
loss is a loss in public and needs to be dealt with. If it were Robert Vadra,
we could have dismissed it as “private loss”. All the Queen’s poodles may
definitely go for a ‘make-over’, new hairstyles, new wardrobes but it’s their
hearts and minds that need more healing. I had actually thought of 5 ways but
there’s Tim Milburn who has come up
with 7 in his article “When You Lose An Election”. I will use just 6 of his 7. He has the experience too. So
what we’ll do is just rephrase his 7 ways to deal with the loss and help the limousine
chauffeurs recover.

Even though you lost an election, you’re not a
loser.Hold your head up; frown but smile. Respond like vindictive pricks. Don’t blame
anything or anyone other than communal and polarised Gujjus who don’t understand
the concept of secularism at all. Everyone who desires to be in media’s
lie-mongering, fake opinion polls and conduct a campaign of calumny will lose
out to someone else at some point. Yep! Like Rajdeep and Barkha lost out to
Arnab on TRPs.

Take some time right now to thank those who
helped you.Whether they made posters for your campaign or helped spread the word, make
sure you thank them. Like those who gave you Blackberrys or Iphones. They’re
feeling bad as well (they wanted you to win). Your positive and encouraging
words to them will restore their confidence. Do remember all those Hotels that
gave you special discounts because you’re a media celeb. Remember all those
restaurants who gave you free lunches and dinners just to have their pic taken
with you.

Congratulate the person who won.Huh? NEVER! When it comes to
Gujarat, never ever congratulate that man. No matter what people say, no matter
how the people vote, that man is not to be congratulated. Find all the excuses
and reasons how victory was handed to him and he DID NOT win it. This may be
difficult but it is absolutely the right thing to do.

Reflect on the campaign.The best thing you can do with a failed campaign is to learn from it. Nothing!
As with the last decade media folks will keep losing elections and learn
nothing. What will you do different next time? Make sure you do all you can to
ensure he is not a PM candidate and make a mild concession. Instead of State
leader, call him a ‘Regional leader’ at best. Who do you need to bring on
board? Think of Shabnam, Teesta, Mallika… Umm.. maybe even Suzy Roy?

Gather yourself.You will experience a whirlwind of emotion. Take the time to regroup and find
your emotional center. You entered the campaign or process with a clear
understanding that you are going to lose. You only hoped and prayed it somehow didn’t
happen. It did! Talk to princes and princesses. Immerse yourself in something
else; like public anger against some cause. Find a sense of imbalance in the
way your loss is reported.

Begin to formulate a new plan.Like I said above, when you lose an election the only thing that really changes
is your plans. You don’t need to change your life, you just need to
change your plan. Start looking at your options. Now it’s time to start
thinking about what’s next. Think of your campaign for 2014 and how the prince
is your candidate for PM. Think of how to “Evolve”
him.

There! That’s not all that hard to do is it? History has it than when
India toured Pakistan after a very long gap for the first time in 1978 under
BishenSingh Bedi. After the series, which Pakistan convincingly won, Mushtaq
Mohammad the Pak Captain thanked “All
his Muslim brothers across the world for their victory”. I must caution
Barkha and Sagarika not to thank them for their losses. When asked which two
players Bedi would like to pick from Pakistan for his side, he replied “Your two umpires”. Maybe in 2014 our
media crooks might like to thank the umpires again. Till then…

27 comments
:

Against all good reasoning...I tuned in to NDTV juts to see the face of Barkha and there she was gleefully cheering up her own Party. Money is coming...propaganda machine at EndiTV /CNN-IBN will turn till the last vote is counted. By the way in the last para thanking this umpire thing for 2014 is referring to the possible EVM fraud I guess.

Even Sekhar Gupta too reminded Ms. Barkha that even if a journalist has to vote (and they have their own biases), but s/he should be above all this when commenting on election results. Her utter hatred for Modi was clearly visible. Now your article will certainly help the media and political crooks a comeback.

I liked the cartoon there.. heheModi might even be thinking to bring in all the development work he wished to do in next 5-year term in just 2 years; in case he becomes a PM from CM :) he loves Gujarat and lives it !!

Ravi excellent work. Loved the cartoon of the cartoons. Not joking, the MSM English media, press and TV is full of half naked jokers, be it Burqa or Devout Hindu wife, the Tool or Beefeater and of course Arnav and others like Kanwal, Sekhar. The Congress has some consolation that it won in HP.

Love to see NaMo as next PM. The best leader India had after LBS and ABV. A true Indian right from top to toe.

Ravinar bhai, today is such a happy day for us all....but we have only won the semi-finals. Finals is still to be played. But as long as we have intellectual warriors like you on our side, we should have no fear.

Agree with comments by fellow readers. Two statements stand out for me today.

1. One by Sankarshan Thakur and Yogendra Yadav on TimesNow saying that victory in gujrat for modi is a defeat of Idea of India. It was honestly beyond me - dishing out pieces of rubbish one after the other and they claim to be working on behalf of Janta.

Wasn't such a response expected from the Congress-sponsored media? Anything below 117 would be given a spin by them as a failure of Modi.

As a Modi supporter, I am frankly quite disappointed with the tally! More than anything, I was hoping that this election result would decisively propel Modi right in the forefront of the BJP and NDA leaders as the PM candidate - no questions asked.

I was just watching HT channel and for few minutes after modi was declared winner, the anchors had an honesty assessment and then as the hours went by, suddently all the anchors (like they were keyed like a doll) started bad mouthing Modi for no reason and they seemed blackmail other parties like BJD and AIADMK of the consequences of supporting BJP!! strange very strange.

These thick-skinned crooks in the media will not be affected. And yes, they have already got something to get on with their spins...its not 117 you see! Its only 116!And about their hearts and minds, well...they are beyond any repair. Lets not bother about them.We are extremely happy that Gujarat is again MODIfied!

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