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Hi. Jedi here, and I’m debating the existence of Hammond. In case you didn’t know, Hammond was leaked in the newest map release for Overwatch, Horizon Lunar Colony, and most everybody thinks he’s a chimpanzee. I do NOT think he’s a chimpanzee, though. I think he’s a baboon. Of course he’s a chimpanzee! Any idiot knows that from the leak! But, what will his abilities be? Most everybody thinks he’ll be a builder, but I think he will be…… a builder.

But, his abilities. Everybody is thinking that he’ll have a shield and a stun beacon, but PLEASE! That’s basically Symmetra (or as some of my friends who shall remain nameless call her, Symmetry). Here are my ideas.

FIRST ABILITY: Movement Destabilizer. This ability will sort of be like the anti-Lucio. It will slow down the enemies that walk near it, speed up the allies that walk near it, and will have 275 health and a 7 second cooldown.

SECOND ABILITY: Shielded Turret. This ability is kind of overpowered, but it’s low fire rate makes up for it. It does 150(!) damage per shot, but only shoots once every 8 seconds. It has 200 health plus 30 shields, and has a 12 second cooldown.

MAIN WEAPON: Pellet Pistol. Hammond holds this in his LEFT hand, making him the first hero to do so. It has 10 shots and empties relatively quickly, firing one pellet per second. It does 75 damage per shot, and is good for long distances.

SECONDARY WEAPON: Okay, sue me. This isn’t an attack, but it’s a shield that has 100 health and can protect 3 people at once. You need to hold down the corresponding button for at least 5 seconds, though, or it loses 5 health a second.

ULTIMATE: Chimp Instincts. I think this is a pretty cool ultimate. It lets Hammond jump really high, move really fast, allows him to climb things, and increases all of his thing’s health by 25%. Also, he can do 100 damage with the Pellet Pistol multiplied by how long the ultimate lasts.

Okay, that’s all of Hammond’s abilities, now onto his stats. He will have 100 health and 125 shields, so his health is relatively high. He will be a defense hero, and will be placed between Mei and Junkrat. Now for some chimpanzee pictures, because i feel like it.

Hi. I’m alive. A bunch of you were probably wondering why I was dead, but if I was dead i’d be rotting in a grave someplace, not writing this right now. Anyways, since I last wrote in, Overwatch had another new event. Honestly, their getting a bit event happy by now. But this isn’t any event. It’s the Overwatch Anniversary Event! Which means that there’s a huge event that takes even longer to download than the game itself. My computer nearly crashed trying to download it! But of course, my computer’s a piece of trash, so that’s obvious.

Anyways, apart from the aforementioned Robocop 76 (It’s actually called Cybersoldier or something stupid, but it’s basically Robocop 76), Bastion got a new skin, and it’s called Dune Buggy, even though it looks nothing like a dune buggy. Here it is.

I can see the resemblance there, Jeff. Also, Genji got a new skin, and it’s the Green Power Ranger. No, literally.

Also, no new skin for Junkrat (boooooooo) But D.Va got a new skin, which is surprising because if we look at D,Va’s play rates…….. What? It’s THAT high? (jumps off Niagara Falls while on fire) And also, Tracer got a new skin, and it’s pretty good.

But honestly, the best skin of them all is Lucio. Take a good long look at that hat, class, because it’s all you’re going to be seeing for a while.

Also, EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER got a new dance emote. Roadhog’s is the best, though.

DO THE HULA-HULA! And if that wasn’t enough, there are THREE new maps! Castillo, Necropolis and The Black Forest are their names, but their basically Dorado, Temple of Anubis, and Eichenwalde. And they are ARENA MAPS! No more Watchpoint: Antartica for me, BOY. Bye.