Did a quick JuriSaku drabble to keep my mind off my Bar exam results.. If any of you would like to read, please feel free to do so

Again, this will eventually be up on my tumblr page

Thank you for reading!

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How many times has it been?

Miyawaki Sakura thought to herself whenever she’s here-- in a certain hospital, where 48G members would usually be sent whenever they have issues with their health.

The main reason she’d be here would normally be to visit Kodama Haruka a.k.a. Haruppi, the supposed Ace of HKT48, her so-called counterpart in said group and most importantly, a person she could earnestly call “a friend”. A title that she would not normally hand out unless she “deems” the title worthy onto a person.

Of course, Haruppi has been clear to be in and out of the hospital and as such, Sakura’s visits to the hospital has been less frequent. Since then has met her fellow friend at her home as Haruppi still needed more rest and rehabilitation for her health to be at its 100% to return to her activities in the group. Sakura respected that decision, albeit she did feel slightly lonely and longed for the return of Haruppi by her side, to lead HKT48 as it should be.

Her thoughts on Haruppi were put on hold when she had arrived at her destination. A nurse had just exited the room, bowing courteously to Sakura with the latter doing the same immediately before she walked away. Sakura froze in position, looking at the nameplate of the hospital room she was about to enter.

“Matsui”.

“Jurina” was written in a smaller writing besides her family name and Sakura gulped. She honestly didn't know what made her come here. She wasn't egged on by her manager to pay this senior of hers a visit, nor did Sasshi make a fuss that she should. Heck, she shouldn't have anything to do with her is what she thought.

But something in the depths of her conscience, her heart, said that she should visit Jurina, whether she wanted to or not. Thus why she is here today. It's probably because deep down, she wanted closure.

There had been way too much drama going on between the de facto leaders spearheading the 48G and eventhough she personally felt like avoiding the conflict in case another may arise, her heart wouldn't allow it.

She gulped, shakily pulling onto the door and slowly walked into the room. All she could hear in the room were the sounds of the air conditioning and beeping sounds of medical equipments.

As she approached the bed of said patient, she clenched her fists as her heart started to thump in anxiety. What would she say if Jurina was awake? What would she do when she sees Jurina, in whatever state she is in?? Would she just call it quits and run away???

Enough thinking. Just get it over and done with.

Sakura let out a deep sigh as she drew the curtains, revealing her senior in a peaceful sleeping state. As expected. Even when she has her eyes closed you can see her happy facial expression. She wasn't known as a ball of sunshine for no reason.

Sakura's eyes continued to scan her senior. She definitely seemed as weak as everyone feared her condition to be. She was on drip and it does not seem like Jurina would wake up any time soon, at least not when she's there.

The younger of the two slowly walked over to the visitor’s stool placed next to the bed and sat down softly. She cursed herself in her head for not bringing anything with her to give Jurina due to this being extremely impromptu but she continued to stare at Jurina’s fragile state, heart aching at the sight.

She definitely felt like she was suffocating.

It felt like yesterday when Jurina and Sakura were asked to be the 48th single’s WCenters, with Jurina congratulating her and saying “let's do our best!” with the brightest smile she could show Sakura. Sakura, on the other hand, was more on the awkward side and rarely gave the same friendly response to Jurina unless she was put in the spotlight in the media or such.

She recalls every single time they had to perform “Negaigoto no Mochigusare” together that Jurina would do the same thing, as if it was a natural habit. Jurina would purposely seek out Sakura before they go on stage, and encourage her with a smile before running off to go on standby without even needing a response from the latter.

“You’ll be fine today! Let's have fun performing.”

She said the exact same phrase each time, to the point Sakura thought that Jurina was on autopilot out of courtesy and just so she could get “brownie points” from anyone who actually noticed this simple act. However, now that Sakura has thought a little more carefully, Jurina did more than just that.

She boosted Sakura’s confidence each time they had to go on stage together. Sakura never did the same, or more like, she couldn't, due to usually being either awkward or just not as spontaneous as Jurina was.

Selfless.

That was what Jurina was. Her senior wanted what was best for the people around her more than caring about herself. Sakura knew Jurina definitely needed the emotional support more than anyone else but Jurina decided to do the opposite-- by giving members who needed it first, not receiving it.

Tears started to unconsciously roll down from Sakura’s doe-like eyes and she started to feel extremely frustrated at herself. All the drama, all the misunderstandings… everything could have been prevented if she had talked more to Jurina.

“... Sa… ku… ra… tan…?”

Sakura was startled by a weak voice that called out to her. She looked up slowly, only to see Jurina's eyes squinting at her, as if she was trying to keep her eyes open to look at Sakura. The junior felt even more emotional at the sight of her senior currently, but quickly wiped away her tears. Jurina was definitely not supposed to be awake, that was what she thought when she entered and saw her. This was way too unexpected and now she doesn't know how to deal with it.

“... I’m… sorry……”

Jurina said weakly as she slowly shut her eyes, letting out a sigh, before quickly falling back to sleep.

Again. It happened again.

Sakura couldn't respond at all.

“... Why are you apologising… I… I should be the one who should be…”

Sakura said between sobs, slowly reaching out to Jurina's hand closest to her and wrapping them in her own pair.

“... I have so much I want to say to you… I have so much to thank you for… I…”

Sakura tightened her hold on Jurina’s hand until she suddenly realised the fragility of Jurina’s hand and quickly let go. She shook her head vigorously in a brief panic that overcame her and shot up from her seat, breathing in and out shakily. Her eyes darted elsewhere from Jurina’s vulnerable body and she saw a clipboard with papers attached, along with a pen on it. She knew she shouldn't be nosy but she approached it and took a closer look at it.

The first piece of paper had random scribbles and doodles which did not make much sense to her but it seemed like stickmen doing dances, with “Ikinari Punch Line” written at the bottom lightly. She flipped to the next page and there were more scribbles that weren't very readable as they were written lightly. She could only presume that these were written by Jurina herself.

She continued looking through the clipboard and the writings and scribbles slowly got more and more readable and cohesive. They were probably written when Jurina was still in a more better condition than she is now.

Her attention stopped at one piece quite a few pieces later and unclipped the stack before it to read it more properly. On it, the words “Tell Sakura” were pretty clear at the top.

There was a personal note to Jurina herself right below it: “Don't make it sound rehearsed. You will make everything worse if you do. If you mean it, say everything from the bottom of your heart! >o< Also, don't overload her with your ‘speech” OKAY?”

Sakura was confused. Just what was this? She continued reading on:

“Hey Sakura. This may sound slightly awkward but I really want to apologise again for the whole Sousenkyou incident. I know I must have hurt your feelings and I should have known full well that you're as stressed out as I am. We both have our responsibilities to fulfill in our own individual groups and our own dreams to pursue. But well, it'd be nice if the both of us can move past our… “issues”... against each other and work together for the sake of the group. It'd be nice if we could set a good example for our juniors… is it too selfish of me to ask? ^^; I hope I'm not too pushy… I'm trying my best not to be! Really! I want to hear Sakura-tan’s thoughts and opinions as well! Please don't hesitate to stop me if I go too ahead of myself… it's weird telling you this but I’ve always had Rena-chan or Masanyan who would tell me off when I go overboard. Now that I'm the only senior, as much as I've lost my “limiters”, I realise I definitely need someone to look out for me. I've got Akarin for most parts but it'd be nice if we both could look out for each other I mean, we're in Produce48 together too! I really hope we can get more acquainted with each other through the programme and fight for our group so that everyone will know how amazing the 48G is. Of course, I'll take good care of myself so that everything will go smoothly. I hope Sakura-tan will take good care of yourself too. Let's do our best together okay?”

Sakura couldn't help but smile wryly at what she had just read as she returned everything to how it was positioned. She was well aware that Matsui Jurina was a rather stoic person despite her ever-cheerful outlook, since she had to literally prepare a “script” to confront Sakura, but it also showed how awkward she was in her own way as well.

‘An awkward sun’.

She sees how that song from SKE48 somewhat relates to Jurina after hearing about it from members and comments online.

Sakura was now resolved to make things right, once Jurina got better. With newfound courage that surged within her, she turned to Jurina and gently caressed her head, forcing a smile as her eyes continued to form tears within them.

“... I'm waiting for your return Jurina-san… when that happens, I can be honest with you… and tell you a lot of things I've been wanting to say to you. Rest well…”

Sakura left the room after she made a brief bow to Jurina. Little did she know however, Jurina's lips had formed a weak smile, and a tear rolled down from the left side of her eye, as if she had actually heard the yearning and resolve of her precious ‘rival’.