Online Parent Support Chat

2.10.08

Boyfriend Problems

In our daughter's desire to spend more time with her 15-year-old boyfriend she will lie to us to make it happen. We are picking the battles on this one and even instituted visitations into our home with him within our boundaries. We've also included him on family outings, allowed them to go to the movies, to school football games, etc. Their public displays of affection are getting to be problem at school and in our home. So much so that she is looking for more time to be with him in areas where "...authority will let us do what we want when we want." As I mentioned in the past, I did put her on birth control when I discovered she was sexually active.

The runaway charge we made over the summer where she was found at his home was postponed and so we haven't even been to court on this charge. The reason I am writing and mentioning this is because a couple of weekends ago she got caught lying in school and then lying to me about the day a tardy detention was to be served so she could spend time with the boyfriend. She got caught on school grounds after hours and I was called to pick her up. I told her that she could not use the computer (house rule is 3 hours a day computer use) for 3 days because of the lying. I also explained to her that when you lie people will not trust you.

When we got into the house she immediately got on the computer so she could IM her boyfriend. I reminded her of our discussion and the consequence and told her to shut down the computer. She told me that I could shut the f*** up now and then went at me physically. She tore my shirt and left bruises on my chest. I told her to stop, trying to remain poker faced but visibly shaken, not hitting her back but pushing her off of me and screamed I would file a charge of domestic battery if she did not quit right now. My husband woke up as he works nights and told her to go to her room. He had me sit down to calm down.

We then found that she had taken her older brother's laptop into her room and contacted the boyfriend to come and get her. My husband called off of work and told me to get out of the house for a little while. The boyfriend came over with 2 other friends of his and asked to see her. My husband said with his poker face that this was not a good time. The boyfriend was at a loss as to what to do as he did not expect my husband to be home at that time. He left but asked him to tell her he was there.

The next day when everyone was calm we sat down with her and told her that violence and disrespect would not be allowed in our home. That if a violent incidence to any member of the family occurred a domestic battery charge would be filed. If she chose to disrespect authority there would be consequences and we would be willing to clarify them depending on the circumstance. We also we believed, etc. (Six Steps).

She then told us that she wanted to be emancipated from us and that she would be sixteen in a few months. Her boyfriend and his mother are going to help her. With my best poker face I said "I hope you find a good lawyer and have some place to live. I don't know a lot about emancipation in Indiana but that it would be a good idea if it was researched first." My husband called a timeout at that time.

Since refuses to do any chores around the house, and continues to just try to get out and see the boyfriend.