So, what worked, for me, that you might find useful in your transition from married to divorced? The tools that work for me may not be right for you but I do find common threads as I coach my clients. They include:

You are getting a divorce. Perhaps congratulations are in order, or, perhaps not. Whatever your sentiment about the separation and divorce, make no mistake about one single thing: how you behave now and throughout the divorce with your spouse will define much of your life post divorce. And no, it isn’t just for the kids this is true although that is very important. It’s your mindset and focus that matters, right now, even as you likely face huge life change and emotional overwhelm.

When couples are in the midst of the divorce process, they have a lot on their minds. They are typically just trying to get through each day one step at a time. Often, the absolute last thing they want to face is their financial picture and what changes are taking place as a result of the dissolution of the marriage.

We, at Dear Divorce Coach, have coined the term “toxhole” to refer to an ex who is both toxic and an a**hole too. Although it’s a funny term, dealing with one is anything but laughable. There’s the ex who dumps you unreasonably or maybe doesn’t even give you the satisfaction of saying goodbye. Some exes treat you terribly in a relationship. Worse than both of those exes, however, are those, unhappy in your relationship but unhappier after the split. If you don’t have children with them, it’s easy to put as much distance between you and them as humanly possible and not be exposed to their negative fuming. But, what if you do have kids and are required to co-parent with them, or rather, with a toxhole, attempt to do so? There are no easy answers but there are some coping and communication strategies you can use to make your life more manageable. After all, you deserve to have a life after your relationship even if it appears their single-minded purpose is to ensure otherwise. Try these strategies and let us know your story and what we can do to help. We have tools to make life better, for you and your children.

Often, I hear from clients, during separation and divorce, that they are lonely.Loneliness, as most of us know, comes from a feeling that we are missing something or that we are disconnected. In separation and divorce, or even when trying to repair a broken relationship, this feeling might arise. However, if we keep digging, we might discover that loneliness is simply what we are feeling most of the time and only discover it when others aren’t around to distract us from it. Another person didn’t actually cause the loneliness, they didn’t fix it but rather simply distracted us from it for some period of time. What, then, is loneliness, really?

Divorce and money always seem to be intertwined and certainly not in a good way. Kind of like the chicken and the egg. Did money problems cause the divorce or did the divorce cause money problems? Usually, the answer to both questions is YES!For many people, marriage involves financial stress…and lots of it. Money always seems to be tight for one reason or another. Perhaps one person is a spender and the other a saver. Or perhaps financial secrets were being kept. Or, maybe, as the couple grew older, their financial values shifted away from one another. No matter what occurs, there may be some financial disconnect between the couple that is unresolved and ultimately, among other factors, led to the separation.

Divorced Exposed Podcast with Debbie DeChambeau: Nesting: What Is it and Is it For You?Featuring Cherie Morris

EPISODE 11 – NESTING: An innovative way to keep your children from having to go back and forth with visitation. Nesting isn’t for everyone, but it’s a concept that we need to explore more and try to figure out ways to make it work. Parents don’t always get along hence they divorce, but that’s not the children’s fault. Why do they have to pack up every other weekend to go visit mom or dad? Why do they have to have their life disrupted because their parents couldn’t figure things out. Could this be one of the reasons why we have so many issues with millennials today. Parents are over compensating for the divorce. It’s complicated, and there isn’t one right or wrong answer, but the parenting issue needs to be at the top of the divorce discussion.Our guest, Cheri Morris, is a divorce coach with Dear Divorce Coach. She’s an attorney who pivoted her career into coaching, based on her own divorce. Nesting is one of the areas she explores with couples as they divorce. DIVORCEThe first time you get divorced, there are a lot of questions, a lot of overwhelm. How you handle it is somewhat influenced by who is initiating the divorce. If it’s you, the emotions might be very different than if it is your spouse who wants the marriage to end. COACH VS. THERAPYIt’s a process, with phases that many of us go through. We can’t see them when we are in the middle of it, but others on the outside that work with divorcing people will tell you that they see many of the same patterns. A coach can help you through this and keep things in check. At the end of the conversation we talk about the difference between a therapist and a divorce coach. Hiring a divorce coach is an added expense to the divorce process, but it can be one that brings a lot of value to the end results as well. It could also save you a lot of money by staying out of court through some practical negotiating strategies. If you are going through a divorce and have children, get them into therapy right away. You might be ok with the divorce, but they need help processing what is going on! Please don’t ignore this important piece, no matter what their age. It’s particularly important for teens and early twenty somethings. That should be something you do before you start processing the paperwork with an attorney! SHARE THE LOVEIf you like what you hear in this podcast, please share it with a friend or family member. The divorce rate is over 50% in the US and a lot of people are thinking about divorce long before they actually take the first step. Knowledge is power and each episode provides value for helping those who are married or contemplating divorce. You can listen to this podcast on the website at DivorceExposed.com or iTunes if you have an iphone, Spotify if you have an account and if you are a droid user, go to your app store, you can download any number of podcast player apps where you will also find the podcast such as Stitcher and Google Play. ​