I started this site 4 1/2 years ago to help people that are
experiencing difficulty in their relationships due to
Internet
infidelity. My main goal is to increase awareness of how the Internet
can become an addictive problem that can destroy lives, relationships
and families. I am not a counselor or professional therapist, just a
person that would like help others avoid my mistakes. --- John

My Story

In November of 1999, my wife of 23 years, Vivian, left our lives without a word. I
left to visit my sister that morning and
when I returned around noon, my wife was gone. My youngest daughter, who was at
home sleeping, had no idea where her mother had went. We were a bit
worried, because it was not like Vivian to leave without telling
someone where she was going. Pure panic set in later that evening when
she still had not returned. There was no sign of what had happened, no
sign of a struggle, no clothes missing (that we could tell), or suitcases
missing. We called the police that evening and they started a missing
persons report.

For three agonizing days, we waited. During that time, I tried to go
over in my mind what had happened leading up to her disappearance. She
was spending a lot of time on her computer, especially at night. When I
questioned her about this, she told me that she was doing research for
a book that she was writing. I trusted her and though I had thought
about checking her PC to see if she was truly doing research, I wanted
to believe her, I wanted to respect her privacy, so I did not look.
After she had gone, I went through her computer to see if I could find
any clues as to what happened to her. Nothing was too apparent at the
start, but I am a programmer and I dug deeper into old histories and
deleted files. I discovered some e-mail and chat transcripts that began
to explain things. By the time the police came to my door, I thought
that I had a good idea of what had happened. The police informed me
that my wife had left the country (USA) voluntarily, but they could not
tell me where (to protect her privacy). This came as a shock to me,
because the e-mail and chat sessions that I was reading were from a
local man named Patrick. I knew that he was local because in one of his
last e-mail to her, he described their latest sexual encounter in
excruciating detail (just days before she left the country), at his
apartment. (Read more about Patrick)

So where had she gone? She had set up an ICQ chat room called "Smoothlegs"
and a Hotmail account called "viv362536" (actual names were slightly
different), and men from all over the world could come and meet, write
and have cybersex with her. Who was the "lucky" man that ended up with
her? I don't have a clue. I received divorce papers from her (local)
lawyer about three months after she had left. This actually gave us
some relief, because until that time, my daughters and I did not know
if she was dead or alive. We still have not heard from her to this day.

What could make a person leave their spouse and loving children without
a word, never to be heard from again? Mid-life crisis? Maybe. But I
place full blame on the cybering, which is why I started this web site.
I could certainly understand my ex leaving me after 23 years of
marriage. I was not a perfect husband. For one thing, I was taking it
for granted that we would always be together. I should have been more
attentive, more of a lot of things. But it was the fact that she left
her two girls just as cold-heartedly, that persuaded me to look for
other causes. Our children were 16 and 18 at the time, but their
relationship with their mother was as special and loving as one would
expect between a mother and her daughters. She has done severe
emotional damage to them and she does not seem to care. This is
completely out of character for Vivian. She was and probably still is a
good person. She may be too ashamed of what she did or how she did it,
to contact her girls. Whatever the reason, I feel sorry for her. For I
am certain that one day, she will realize the pain that she has caused
her daughters and regret her actions.

Think that this could not happen to a person that you care about? Think
again! It doesn't matter how faithful your mate has been, this fantasy
world of Internet chat has a power all it's own. Good people, acting
innocently and naively at first, get drawn in. I believe that Vivian
became addicted to the Internet and to cybersex and it caused her to
change her feelings towards the ones that loved her most. I offer
PC monitoring software and other "spy" products on my site.
However, I do not condone the spying of someone on their mate. I offer
these products as part of a three step plan
to stop Internet infidelity. Chat cheating can become an
addiction, just as severe as
drugs and alcohol. You would not leave a bottle of booze laying around
the house if someone you love has a drinking problem and you should not
leave a computer unmonitored if you have an Internet addicted person
with access to the web.

Best wishes to you all and I sincerely hope that my site is of some
help to you.

John

I have been fortunate enough to featured in the following media
sources: CNN with Anderson Cooper, FOX News Live with John Casich, NBC,
CBS and more. My mission is to inform as many
people as possible about the dangers the internet can pose to a
relationship and to their family.

Some commonly asked questions:

Why did you start this site?I
started Chatcheaters because I believe the internet turned my ex-wife
into a mother that could abandon her children and I wanted to warn
others. I never blamed my ex for leaving me.

Have you ever had any communication from your wife since she left?No.

Have your children heard from her?Yes,
but rarely. The first time they heard from her, was four years after
she left.

Do you know where your wife is now?
Did you ever find out anything about the person she left you for?Last
time my daughters heard from her, my ex said she was living in New Zealand with
a NZ army guy named Kelvin Stickey (name changed to protect the
damned). Here is the only picture I have of the two of them
together.

Are you still bitter and angry?Yes.
I will never understand why they took Seinfeld off the air at the
height of its popularity.

Do you believe it is a good thing to spy on your spouse?No.
I do not condone spying on your spouse. I do not think this is healthy
for a relationship. I do make a distinction between spying and
discovery surveillance. To me, spying on your spouse implies long term
surveillance and is never proper. Discovery surveillance is when you
have a reasonable cause for suspecting infidelity, it is denied by the
cheater and you need proof to bring the issue out into the open to
resolve it.

Chatcheaters.com
was created to be a positive influence
to the discovery,
repair and peaceful resolve
of relationships threatened by internet infidelity.