Welcome to my bloggy home. Here, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry warmhearted tears, get silly, and be naughty. Together, we'll uncover morsels of sweetness in the light and dark. You'll leave craving chocolate. That's a given. I'm a bad influence. Oy vey, am I a bad influence! {But I do recommend fair trade and organic varieties.} Please enjoy the samples, and may you fast become addicted. I hope you'll return again and again. Then once more.

One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Saturday, April 28, 2012

UnknownMami hosts a lively worldwide party on Sundays. Through her blog, you can feast on amazing sights across the globe.

Today, I welcome you to Paradise. This scenic town rests 8 miles Northeast of Chico, smack-dab in the middle of the squared off part of California. The weather begged for a walk in the park, so please enjoy Aquatic Park with me.

a mini-waterfall

It's a nice sentiment, though I only saw one young fisherboy. His parents were madly screaming at the kid after he cast his fishing line at a flock of Mallard ducks.

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Remember when authors were people who we imagined lived in remote castles on mountaintops at the end of the earth, with 23 cats and a spouse that brought them tea but otherwise never disrupted their writing time? It's such an honor to be friends now with actual authors, warm-hearted folks who are just one keyboard click away. It's even more exciting when they publish. So, today I proudly present three author friends' recent accomplishments:

[Insert my frustrated growl here.
Blogger won't post any images
to the blog roll. So sorry.Please visit these guys' blogs to link to their books.]

If you don't know Alex J. Cavanuagh, welcome to the blogoverse. That is, you must be new around here. No worries, follow Alex's blog. He'll connect you with slews of amazing bloggers, movie and music snippets, blogfests, and a lot more. Alex is such a skilled writer, he makes aliens seem incredibly human. Sci-fi never was my thing. Because of Alex, though, I'm now enjoying CassaFire. It's the second sci-fi book I've read, the first being CassaStar. I'm hooked.

Alex broke 1500 followers this week. Here's his related announcement: "To celebrate 1500 followers, I’m holding a giveaway – a copy of CassaStar and CassaFire!
The books will be donated to the winner’s choice of public or high
school library, along with a selection of bookmarks. (The winner also
gets bookmarks.)"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[Frustrated growl goes here too.]

Al Penwasser, aka Author Kenneth Lynch, is one of my favorites. One minute, Al P. was asking fellow bloggers for input on e-publishing. The next, he was announcing that he'd published Shag Carpet Toilet. It's an amazing book, too - as deeply touching as it is hysterically funny. This story about boyhood friendships, life, love, loss, Catholic school, and a shag carpet toilet is reminiscent of my favorite Rob Reiner creation, Stand by Me. It left me with the same heartwarming feeling of nostalgia capped by gratitude that I never had to experience life as a boy.

[Al's blushing right now because he didn't ask me to endorse his book. He's too humble. He simply and generously let me read it. I'm very glad I did, and I'm sure you would be too.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[...and here.]

It's always Rhyme Time for Pat Hatt. The man even comments on his comments in rhyme, it's amazing. His first children's book is fun and action-packed. The story's told through rhyme, and it's wonderfully illustrated. If you have kids in your life, they'll love The Swashbuckle Chuckle.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

“Oh hey girl, yeah, my emails to you keep coming back.” But I just got your email message. In fact,
that’s why I’m calling. “And you’re not on my Facebook page.” Yeah I prefer you don’t have easy access to
all the writing I’m doing about you, Mr. Salsa.

“Well, I don’t like to spend much time on Facebook” I explained.

“So what are you doing right now?”

“Not much, some writing projects. It’s a lazy day. I’m still in my
pajamas. What about you?”

“I just drove my roommate to the Sacramento Airport.” He has the place to himself, wants me to know it. “So do you
want to come over for pizza? You can come in your pajamas.” He giggled.

Admittedly, I was tempted. When a woman hasn’t had "pizza" in a long,
long time, she craves it. I’m not talking about anchovies, peppers, or any
extra spice. No pepperonis either. Just the basic spread topped with sausage,
and I’d be satisfied. Very satisfied.

Unconvinced of his “pizza” delivery skills, though, I came to my senses.
“Thanks, but I’m going to stay in. Maybe another time.”

“Okay. Can I put your number in my phone?”

“Sure, I have yours now too.”

We ended the call. Crap! Did I just blow my only opportunity for
"pizza" in this town?

I went dancing two days later. My friend Brandi and I sipped sodas
while scoping out prospective partners. Mr. Salsa crossed the floor and headed
towards me several times, only to ask the blonde svelte 20-somethingers for
dances —and, perhaps, to share some "pizza." We didn’t talk or dance at all. Instead, I hit the floor
with a few other men, then got bored and walked out with Brandi. Meanwhile, I
noticed Mr. Salsa whirling a golden haired gal —no doubt in hopes of "pizza."

En route home, I got a sudden urge to pull over.

“I’ll take an individual slice
with sausage,” I told the guy at Round Table. “Please, extra sausage, and thick
crust.” As he walked away to place my order, I continued: “Extra thick, and really,
really hot. I'll blow on it. Hard too, but not crusty.” I wiped saliva from my chin.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

UnknownMami hosts a picturesque party on Sundays. Visit her site for a fun and fascinating tour of our wonderful blogoverse.

Today, we're back to Chico for some horsing around.

I met the kind folks at Chico's Horse Store and More. Donna and Mike shared stories about their horse, a town celebrity. She's been on TV, in local papers, and graciously posed for a second time at Life by Chocolate. Note: I'm not sure if this horse is, in fact, a "she" - I didn't check; I'm making assumptions based on her rather effeminate attire.

From saddles to cowboy/girl boots to medicine for horses, there's a lot of great "more" to the Horse Store and More.

I learned she's dressed for Mother's Day. It's a tad more fashionable than the horse-bunny costume, right?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

I've never been much of a water drinker, never liked the (non)taste. But it's the best thing for us. So I'm thrilled to have discovered this product at a local supermarket (Raley's/Nob Hill Foods). You can also find it on-line. It's made in the USA and contains just three ingredients: purified water, mint and cocoa essence. We're talking NO sweeteners, preservatives or calories. We're also talking decadence. Really. I've never liked water so much. It quenches my thirst and leaves a similar aftertaste to Girl Scout thin mints. Plus, it's healthy and attractively packaged.

My only complaint is that the bottle is too small, 16.9 ounces (approx. 2 cups).

Friday, April 13, 2012

Hi, friends. I'm back with a sampling
of today's most eligible bachelors. At least they seem to think they are. Lifted
directly from popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized
snark, please accept the following reasons for my choice to live a celibate
existence. I hope you get by now, there's no viable alternative.

Have a great weekend. May your every momonet be devoid of boardom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON #176:Im board. Wish I could meet some
cool girl to hang out with.

You mean to say you’re
an uncastrated male swine? Or are you simply bored? If so, see below.

REASON #177:if your bored its probably because
your boring :D

True. And if this is your idea of an alluring
headline for your personal ad, it’s probably because you’re an idiot. :D

REASON #178:What am I chopped liver haha

I’m sure you’re not, babe; I like chopped
liver.

REASON #179:New in town and ready to get it in!!!!

Sounds
sexual. Judging from your shirtless photo and delightfully chiseled abs, I’d
like to invite you to do so. I mean - clearing
throat and composing self - good luck to you, sir. Have a nice day.

REASON #180:Looking for a moman who loves to
be love

You want a moman who
loves to embody love? Are you cousins with the next guy? The one who talks
about the momonet, which my wise friend Ruthdefines as “a moment according to
Monet”?

Warning and apologies, repeat ad headline:Im at a lost for words at themomonet....

REASON #181:Cmon! Hop on! Wegoing to Blissville
via Happytown!

With somber regret, I must decline. But cmon ‘n toss over whatever you’re
hopped up on! Then Igo to Blissville via Happytown alone!!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Dear Virtual People, and
by this I mean anyone who’s ever tweeted, re-tweeted, favorited; facebook
statused, liked, poked or tagged; blogged, followed, or commented;
and anyone who’s ever operated or considered operating any device through which to access cyberspace,

Let’s talk. Then again, you probably don’t want to.
Most Virtual People don’t roam about cyberspace to engage in the art of
discourse - excepting the warmhearted blog community that invests with earnest in
human connection. This is rare. That’s the problem, and it’s monstrous: the rapid
pace at which we’re blasted by bits of news or inanity, much of which propels
us further from humanity.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m fine with meaningless shards launched
through cyberspace. In fact, I’m responsible for some of it (e.g., my recent
tweet series “originating” from Snooki’s fetus, poor thing). I believe in mocking
the world’s idiots - especially those earning millions for being themselves. Deny
it or not, life is really tough for most. And we could use regular doses
of hearty laughter. So, why not at the expense of those who can afford it (and
the country of Belize)?

Pure hatred, though, has no place here nor anywhere. Last week I saw a tweet that paired Jews and
ovens in the same message, with seeming levity. I was sickened to a point of
tears. I’d previously followed this twitterer without pause; he seemed funny. In
the few seconds it took me to message and then un-follow him, his fan base shot
from 6,496 to 6,500. I find this highly disturbing. Hate spreads like wildfire,
even faster when propelled by the social media AND disguised as lighthearted
banter.

Listen, Virtual People, we are the privileged few; only 25%
of the world’s population has access to the Internet. Let’s use this privilege for good and not
evil. Towards that end, I’m setting some rules:

DON’Ts:

If you spent your workday playing Angry Birds
and downing beer, don’t boast about it. Much
of the world is unemployed. Nearly half of the labor force earns $2.50 per day,
and many risk their lives to bring home this pittance. Keep your spoils under wraps. Thank
you.

If you’ve enjoyed an orgasmic foot or other
body-part massage by the world’s greatest lover, the one you’re unbelievably
lucky to have captured, don’t boast about it. Spare us from nausea (and crazed
jealousy). Thank you.

If you ONLY spew bragging bits about yourself, partner,
or child/ren, stop. It’s annoying. Thank you.

If you’ve just returned from a fabulous trip, share
photos but not all 500 of them. Thank you.

Finally, a NOTE ON THE POKE: The poke’s a unique tool,
worthy of special mention. Keep in mind that, when considering poking, the
intended recipient might not be in the mood and may thus be unresponsive.
Repeated poking could be construed as harassment. Tread gently.

Friday, April 6, 2012

Oops, I missed the label in the right hand corner when I grabbed this box yesterday: NOT FOR PASSOVER. Yet if matzah (the "bread of affliction" eaten during the Passover seder as a symbol of the Jews'/Hebrews' sustenance during my people's Exodus from Egypt) isn't for Passover, I'm at a loss. Perhaps the manufacturer should've invoked a rabbi's input before before sending this box to print. A more appropriate label would read: "Not for Passover for those observing our deeply meaningful dietary laws that have enriched the Passover meal for thousands of years. If, on the other hand, you're the woman seeking matza with some flavor, and a decent blog photo, this, you should buy for Passover. Eat, eat, and eat again. Sorry it's salty but we know you'll drown out the salty egg-onion flavor with chocolate anyway."

I'm usually better about reading such labels. For years, I hosted Passover seders (the service and meal combination). I consistently welcomed at least as many non-Jews as I did Jews. Everyone seemed interested, and I even had to say "sorry but no" on occasion to prospective guests of guests.

Not only is the holiday layered with powerful ritual, lively discussion, and delicious food, its purpose is to appreciate our many freedoms and, ultimately, renew our commitment to bring peace on earth. It's a universal goal and one we can all appreciate.

Whatever your faith, may you experience gratitude for your blessings at this time and always. We've countless freedoms to celebrate.

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

It seems insecurities delight in wreaking havoc with creative minds, so Alex J. Cavanaugh founded an Insecure Writer’s Support Group. We’re posting monthly, exposing our insecurities and/or offering support to each other. Please check out Alex’s link to visit others’ posts. It’s a group of kind-hearted bloggers/writers, authors and all-around great folks.

---

And now, we are incredibly fortunate to welcome Dr. Ruth Westheimer to our studio. Though orphaned by the Holocaust, Dr. Ruth displays exceptional resilience and boldness. In 1980, she launched her radio show, Sexually Speaking. Dr. Ruth quickly drew worldwide popularity for her grandmotherly appearance yet unflinching candor. Her accolades include at least 35 published books, and a stint as a sniper in the Israeli Defense Forces. Plus she’s tiny - about my height. I look up to her. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s welcome Dr. Ruth Westheimer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dr. Ruth, at age 83, strolls on stage with a warm smile and wave. Robyn gives her a hug and invites her to take a seat.

Robyn:Welcome, Dr. Ruth! It’s a great honor to have you here to talk about s, s, s,se..cks.

Dr. Ruth:My dear why are you stuttering?

Robyn:Laughing nervously and turning red-faced.I guess I have insecurities. That’s why I asked you here.

Dr. Ruth: You have sexual insecurities? Could it be vaginismus? Are you not achieving orgasm during intercourse? Is he suffering from erectile dysfunction? Have you consulted a doctor about Viagra? Tell me what the problem is.

Robyn: Oh, God.My heart races, legs and arms begin convulsing radically, and I stare down at my feet.Well, I, I don’t actually have ANY sexual problems. Because I’m not having ANY sex these days. It’s more a matter of needing to write about my asexuality. And that feels abnormal and kinda embarrassing. Plus there were some thwarted attempts to have s, s, se--. Crap! Dr. Ruth, it was never my fault that the guys couldn’t, you know, but it’s still humiliating. And the men I’ve been meeting these days, whew, talk about nutters! I’m so turned off I don’t even want to high-five them wearing latex gloves and a gas mask. Ah – I sigh— celibacy is relieving.

Dr. Ruth:So you don’t have a sex partner? Is that what you’re trying to say?

Robyn: I guess. I think. I mean, yes, I don’t have a partner. That’s status quo for me.

End note 2: I opted out of the A-Z Challenge this year, mainly to focus on my book. But I feel some guilt over reaping the benefits (thanks to Alex’s sweet shout-out yesterday) without trudging through the alphabet. Sending gratitude to new followers; energy and drive - plus delight, donuts, and divine inspiration - to those currently contending with “d”; and much appreciation to my dear friend, Alex!