We don’t mean to overstate our case, but some might say that food is literally crucial to human survival. That’s why, over time, we’ve learned to stop eating random berries in the forest and pay attention to what exactly we’re putting into our food holes. But while we assume that our restaurants, grocery stores, and […]

If you’ve tried to get painkillers from your doctor recently, or read literally any news story about white rural America, you know that we have an opioid epidemic. Fortunately, it turns out there is a clear, simple solution to the problem. Here’s a quote from Attorney General Jeff Sessions, breaking it down for the rest […]

Monty Python once taught us the following neuroscience: “The human brain is like an enormous fish. It is flat, and slimy, and has gills through which it can see.” That obvious bullshit is obvious bullshit. It’s also not much sillier than our own daily treatment of our brains. We know the human brain needs calm, […]

If I’m remembering correctly, sex ed in the ’80s consisted of the following lessons: — First grade: Tell someone if a grownup (who isn’t a doctor) touches your private parts — Fifth grade: You’re going to bleed from your private parts one day, catch these free diaper-sized maxi pads as we lob them at your […]

You may think of service animals as those dogs that keep blind people from walking into traffic, but they’re available for all sorts of conditions, like PTSD or anxiety. Or nothing at all, if you’re willing to lie. Yes, as you might have noticed if you’ve flown next to a suspiciously unruly rottweiler or seen […]

Whatever you make of him politically, there’s no denying that Donald Trump has been alive for a long, long time. That is literally the least that we can give him. So it stands to reason that he must know something — that he must have some standards or guidelines by which a person can live […]

Supply and demand should ensure that we never run out of people to do the really key jobs. If there was a dire shortage of, say, potato chip flavor developers (don’t panic, this is strictly theoretical), chip companies would make the salary and perks of the job more attractive, colleges would hype up the benefits […]

Making video games might seem like a sweet gig when you’re in junior high, when games are nothing but rocket launchers and yelling racial slurs on Xbox Live. But it’s actually super hard work, and not everybody can do it. Not just cheapo indie games get released in a garbage state. Even the biggest-budget titles […]

Everybody stop what you’re doing — there is a movement taking the nation by storm and it’s crucial that you know about it. It’s called the “girther movement” and its basic concept is that Trump is fat. That sounds more like a fact than a theory or a movement, we know. We’re getting to the […]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the world is literally crumbling around us and it’s time to cut back on skinny vanilla lattes with no whip and put your money towards things that actually matter. The good news is that after you donate you can brag to your friend about how you’re […]