My Fears As A Single Mom

What I fear the most about being a dating single mom is not having anyone at all. Sometimes I am not sure if it is possible for a woman to have it all. It is almost like you have to sacrifice one thing for another. Being a mother is always my first priority but is it bad that a girl wants a companion too?

I have a pretty normal and for the most part a smooth sailing life. The more I mature I find myself ready to settle down with someone who compliments me. As I have said time and time before I have never been a girl who has dreamed about their wedding day but now more than ever I dream about the one who will make me a lucky woman. Not to mention my six-year old is constantly asking when I am going to be married because he wants a brother. Now let me be clear, I do not think that having a child is holding me back in the love department. I have all of the time that I need to establish a healthy relationship because I have a great support system. I never met a man who did not want to date me because I have a child. In fact I think the fact that I am an INDEPENDENT single mother makes me that more attractive. To be honest I think the fact that I had a child before marriage has my panties all the way in a bunch. I feel the pressure now more than ever.

What frustrates me is how easy it is for men with kids to date. Quite naturally the child will live with the mother so the father has time to live life as is. Besides the couple of days a week that he has his child (or whatever the arrangement may be) his day-to-day is never altered. If an event such as work or something else arises it is always easy for him to call you and say that he cannot see his child. As a mother you have to always have a plan A, B, C and D. You do not have the option to say that you cannot see your child. I am not sure if men understand the word sacrifice. I do not think men consider a lot when inviting another woman into his life when he has a child. I feel that a man does not have the worries that we moms do or even take into consideration certain factors that could affect the mother as well as the child. For example, my son has never met a man who I have dated. As a woman I have to consider who I introduce my child to because he will emulate what he sees. As a father he may not consider that because he feel that a child, particularly a son, will not model after a woman. I also constantly worry if the man who I do marry will love my child as if he was his own. I also worry about if I have other kids will my son feel out-of-place because he does will not have the same father as his future siblings. I do not think that men consider that. I do not think that it is because they do not care but because they just do not think…PERIOD!

I always worry about not being there for my son or consuming my life with other things will make me a bad mother. I always feel guilty when I do other things and I end up wishing I was at home with my son instead. In reality I know that I am a phenomenal mom but I do not want to feel like I am choosing something or someone over him. I fear that making my son the only man that helps me keep my bed warm at night will have me old, gray and alone.

Life for a woman is not always easy. I feel that as a woman, most importantly a mother, it is natural to always sacrifice. But what if the small things that we feel are “unimportant” cause us our soul mate? In some cases our children may not be why we do not have a flexible schedule but it could be because we do not put ourselves in a position to welcome love.