These 7 Things MUST Happen This Year, According To Sci-Fi

The year 2015 sounds like science fiction, doesn't it? Blame movies, TV and video games -- they've been plotting out the far-flung future for decades, but we've finally caught up to a major era for sci-fi. So what do writers and filmmakers think will happen in the next 12 months? Well, I've got some good news, and a lot of bad news...

1. Rick Deckard will become a Blade Runner

The movie Blade Runner takes place in 2019, which means we've got about four years to get scientists to figure out flying cars, commercial space travel and Edward James Olmos in a pimp hat. Most important to the Blade Runner universe, however, is the advent of synthetic humans called "replicants." According to the timeline, Rick Deckard (aka Harrison Ford doing his best Harrison Ford impression) begins his job as an replicant hunter -- or Blade Runner -- in March of 2015.

So if we assume this is our future, that would mean that fleshy robots are already among us, right now, and we don't even know it. People who tag their friends in every comment section? Androids. The people at the post office who take so long to get your package from the backroom that time actually goes backwards? Only robots could be that spiteful. I know it sounds implausible, but hell, the future cities in Blade Runner aren't too far off from Times Square.

Now imagine it with a drunk guy in an Elmo costume.

But there's the thing about Deckard -- he's probably a replicant himself. Though the theatrical release didn't hint towards this possibility, director Ridley Scott reinserted a few vital clues for the Final Cut version of the movie that more or less confirms what was long speculated. And then there's the multiple occassions where Scott straight up said "Deckard is a replicant."

It really explains a lot about Six Days, Seven Nights.

So if we take that into account, the only thing we can really be sure about when it comes to Deckard is the fact that he became a Blade Runner. That would mean it's very possible that Deckard was "born" into his job, as an android, in 2015. Here's hoping it's not too long before they start mass-producing roguish-but-kind-hearted private detectives for sale at K-Mart.

2. Hoverboards (Back to the Future Part II)

Well, yeah.

Six months before Back to the Future Part III blew chunks, Back to the Future II blew our minds. Ever since BttF II was released in theaters, fans have been waiting for the trash-guzzing time-machines and Nike Air Mag self-lacing hi-tops that it promised would come in the storied year of 2015. There's a lot of serious shit going on when Marty steps out of that DeLorean.

Seriously branded shit.

Not only do we have weird two-toned dick-shaped cars, but filling your dildomobile with fossil fuels has never been easier! We already see a form of this process in the New Jersey and Oregon of today, where pumping your own gas is illegal -- only instead of a robot filling your tank, it's usually an empty, emotionless husk of a human being working for seven bucks an hour.

That sounds bleak, but the good news is: Movie franchises have never been bigger!

Bad news: Pop-up ads are worse than ever.

Our timeline is a little behind on the Jaws sequels, but we've more than caught up with two Sharknados and that movie where the dude from Sliders gets his dick bit off by a fish. That mega-projection is within our grasp too; if we can bring back Tupac as a hologram, that shark from Finding Nemo should be no problem.

But if we're being honest, we've all been clinging to life until 2015 for one reason.

Oh hell yes.

Somehow having two inches of open air between you and the ground is infinitely cooler than anything with wheels. One of the best parts of that scene is the fact that, in order to put Marty McFly at a disadvantage and make the scene more exciting, Marty is given a shitty pink Mattel-branded hoverboard. But in this future universe, even the shitty Barbie's First Hoverboards are awesome because they are hoverboards. You'd even look like a badass on a Chinese knockoff "hooverplank."