Dennis Rodman’s Mission To Save Us All From Nuclear Destruction Isn’t Working

Dennis Rodman’s mission to save the United States from nuclear destruction isn’t going too well. You might remember us telling you yesterday that he was joining three Harlem Globetrotters to film an HBO documentary on their try at “basketball diplomacy.” Well there’s no word on how they’re welcoming Rodman in particular, but according to the Washington Post, his stated-not-really-stated directive isn’t affecting national policy.

“The U.S. imperialists and the south Korean puppet forces are getting hell-bent on war exercises, crying out for ‘punishment’ of the DPRK over its peaceful satellite launch and nuclear test.

A club is fit for a rabid dog.

If they dare pounce upon the DPRK, they will face death by merciless strikes of its powerful revolutionary Paektusan army.'”

There’s also a line about “bitter hatred for the U.S. imperialists.”

Welp. Turns out basketball doesn’t save lives. But at the very least, we should get a very interesting HBO documentary.