to speak out implies that someone is listening, that someone will hear you. . .

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I'm sure it's more complicated than this, but--Let's pretend there are two parts to Day. There's hyper-critical (in the good way of critical), academic, intellectual me, who is smart, often a jerk (though often on accident), and to some people intimidating. Then there's the soft nougatie center: melodramatic, playful, silly, self-important, exceptionally empathetic, passionate, sad, and in many ways childlike--in short, unapologetically emotional as all hell.

Introspective thought of the Day: Both personas make people uncomfortable. The thing that sometimes makes people comfortable is to put on diplomatic-face, which is EXHAUSTING--and feels more like a hard earned skill than an authentic presentation of myself. Except, I do authentically want to make people comfortable. Sometimes. In some ways. I think.

No sir, I am Not prickly. I don't know why you people say those things about me. Humph.

An exception: Day in a crisis--who is simply badass. Maybe I'm just more comfortable around people who are uncomfortable?

Lately, childlike emotional Day seems to have been putting in more appearances. Oh crying in public. . . you knew I wouldn't abandon you.

I mean, I suppose one could go deeper and talk about how self is a narrative anyway that cannot be accounted for philosophically with a simple focus on traits like personality, matter, structure, and so on. And I could also claim that multiple personality disorder is possibly an extreme version of normal persona shifts. And even further assert that unification of a self can never be *real* because a fiction is not real, and because our behavior is contextually driven given how heavily context can impact our memories, spur our responses, and so on. But, I am lazy.

I am not sure if I have sent you these before, but here's two articles:

A warning: this blog sometimes includes a lot of disturbing content. If you have a hard time dealing with stories about rape, domestic violence, child abuse, eating disorders, or other related topics, be careful.

This is what it means to be among the colonizers, you do not have to listen to what the colonized have to say, especially if their ideas come from experience and not from books.-bell hooks

but mostly we spend time together at work--listening to each other's stories. Mostly we talk about not having enough money, and not having enough love.

-bell hooks

The drama of woman lies in this conflict between the fundamental aspects of every subject--who always regards the self as essential--and the compulsions of a situation in which she is the inessential.-Simone deBeauvoir

The story we tell ourselves about ourselves is fundamentally a lie; the truth lies outside, in what we do.-Slavoj Zizek