Dwyane Wade Brings The Ruckus as Heat Takes Game 2 Against Bucks

The Milwaukee Bucks proved to be a feisty bunch as they tried to even their best-of-seven series with the Miami Heat on Tuesday night. Even with Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis struggling for most of the game, Ersan Ilyasova, Larry Sanders, and Luc Mbah a Moute proved to be just an irksomely itchy asshole to the Heat throughout Game 2.

But then the Heat blew the Bucks' asses out of the arena by going on a 12-0 run during the fourth quarter, and that was the end of that.

Unlike in Game 1, the Bucks came out cranking on all cylinders. And while they have none percent chance of winning the series, it was still quite exasperating to watch them hit jumpers and frustrate the likes of LeBron James, who scored ONLY 19 points on the night.

Although this season has been the Super Terrific LeBron Happy Hour, it was Dwyane Wade who came soaring to the rescue in Game 2, for the most part.

Normally, LeBron is the Flying Death Fortress of Fatality against teams. But on Tuesday, it was D-Wade who crashed the stratosphere with massive dunks and attacking the rim like it had insulted his momma. Wade threw down 21 points and kung-fued the ass off the Bucks defense by slicing through it and taking the ball right into the danger zone on an 8-for-14 shooting night.

Although most will be calling this a "vintage" performance from Wade, as if Erik Spoelstra found him in a cellar inside the American Airlines Arena and blew dust off his face, Heat fans know that D-Wade has been doing his thing all season. Wade has been denting faces in the shadow of LeBron destroying the competition en route to a fourth MVP award all season long. And, on nights when James' game is somewhat disheveled, Wade has been holy-shit-my-asshole-just-exploded-from-all-the-awesome brilliant. This wasn't vintage Wade. It was Wade. Being Wade. Kicking teeth in and making dudes make the "Who farted?" face.

And then there was the Birdman, who has been a one-tattooed-man-wrecking machine in the first two games of this series. Chris Andersen was again an insane giant berserker, scoring ten points off the bench and grabbing six rebounds. But it was his filthy swat of a Marquis Daniels layup attempt that got the Triple-A rocking and everyone in the building flapping their arms like a bunch of crazy people.

Andersen went nuts on anything that resembled a basketball after Spo finally set him loose off the bench to smite some Bucks balls and lacerate carotid arteries with his gel-slathered spiky Mohawk (seriously, it's only a matter of time before that thing fucking impales a testicle or an eyeball or something).

At this point, Birdman is clearly the better option over Udonis Haslem and his concrete knees and flailing old duck jumpers.

Yet even with all the ass-wrecking the Heat was bringing, it couldn't quite shake the Bucks. Entering the fourth, Miami found itself up by only three, at 68-65. Ilyasova had dropped 21 points on the Heat. Mike Dunleavy, 16. The Bucks were clinging to the Heat like those fish that cling to sharks, only while sharks don't mind them so much, to the Heat it was pretty fucking irritating.

So it was time to unleash the mayhem known as LeBron Raymone James.

LeBron, who had been scoreless for the third quarter, suddenly remembered that he is the Cobradick -- the vicious, ball-wrecking, defense-killing scourge of the NBA -- and single-handedly led the Heat on a 12-0 run that launched any hopes the Bucks had of stealing one on the road face-first into a brick wall.

LeBron scored, passed, and fucked his way to stretching a 68-65 lead to an 80-65 lead.

As always is the case, LeBron was a catalyst for the breakout. Like a grandmaster in chess, he got all the pieces involved for a quick-strike death blow. A Birdman And-1 here, a Ray Allen jumper there, and a rocket pass to Norris Cole so hot that it forced Cole to throw up a precise three-point shot that caved the Bucks in for good.

Final score: Heat 98 - Bucks 86.

The Heat now heads into cold-ass Milwaukee up 2-0. Game 3 is on Thursday.