Day 204: Hope in Imagination and Fear of Powerlessness

A bumpy ride through the objections and ‘buts’ as fear expressions in seeing this me that stands in self-righteousness and hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with fear and anxiety in seeing and facing what it is that I have accepted and allowed as who I am in this relationship of standing in and clinging to self righteousness in hope.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the shame of the reality of what is that I have accepted and allowed and my responsibility within it, and through this accepted fear reaction to my own reality, to have accepted and allowed a smoke screen of confusion in my mind to not see clearly what it is that I have done or how it is that I have come to be this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge self-righteousness as ‘bad’, and through this judgement accepted and allowed myself to avoid to see it in myself, because believing in this judgement, I fear to experience myself as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that this self-righteousness is a position/stance that I have adopted as myself deliberately in order to create a positive feeling and thus feel better about myself – within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that together with the judgement that I hold of ‘self-righteousness is bad’, I have actually trapped myself into a compulsive ignorance of me, so that I have accepted and allowed myself to never see my own self-righteousness for what it is, so that I can continue in it as an energy experience in which I feel better, and yet actually have no comprehension of how I came to be the way I am.

So… The relationship of hope to fear of my experience of powerlessness, where from early days in this life, I accepted and allowed myself to not look into this -and hence to understand it and give myself the possibility of a solution to it – but instead to escape into hope and imagination where I could have a world and a make believe reality and an energy experience according to my own design and liking.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to fear the experience of powerlessness in my life, and for not seeing and realizing and understanding that this experience I feared came out of the belief that I had lived of being powerless, and that this belief had come from my abdication of self-responsibility in my life, in which I had accepted and allowed myself to see myself and to be defined through the eyes of the world, and to be defined and moved according to the energy reactions within me. Within this I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize and understand that stability was something that I give myself and was able to develop for myself from a starting point that I had not accepted or allowed myself to see began within me. Therefore I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to blame the world as an expression of having given my power away to it by putting all responsibility for who I am upon it, and through this to fear the experience of powerlessness in which my experience of myself was entirely according to my energy reactions which in turn appeared to me to be within the hands of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand the nature of the negative experience of myself and therefore how and why I developed and evolved a character of hope and imagination, and how and why I came to protect and defend this with self-righteousness.

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