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Plunder Text Contest (week 2) - 9.8.2010 - 15.8.2010

Please post your plunder text entries here in this thread. This week we are looking for texts for a large plunder booty.

The rules:

- Write only your plunder text, and nothing else. All posts which are not merely plunder texts will be deleted. Discussion, celebration, and virtual applause should be taken to the discussions thread.
- The usual forum and game rules apply to the contest entries as well - nothing insulting of offending is permitted.
- You may submit as many different plunder texts for consideration as your creativity can manage.
- The thread will be closed on Sunday at 23:59 server time. All entries must be posted before that time.

After a rarther enjoyable Order Battle your on your way home
when you spot a tixer burying his Battle Haul
you hang around and wait for him to leave
then dig it up and leg it before he comes back
833 gold
10 xp

after a great night in the tavern with your friend
your walking home together along the river bank in a very happy mood
when you suddenly realise that hes more of an acquaintance than a friend.....
splash
1100 gold
10 xp

While out hunting in the forest you get caught in a trap. You hang upside down for several minutes, before the owner of the trap steps out to admire his handiwork. At the precise moment he walks directly under you, the rope snaps and you land on him, crushing him with the weight of your armour. You then steal all the gold you find on his person.

Whilst wandering through the town in search of Gold, you over hear a very loud (and very bad) fake Scottish accent bragging about his last Plunder! You sneak up behind him and see that it's Tibbsy! You quickly Disguise yourself as the Farmer's wife and club him over the back of the head! You steal his loot and slip away leaving him thinking up his revenge on the FArmers wife!

The biggest thing, lacking in the world today, is "Common sense"! (and the ability to think before acting!) W1 Tixx-FreeW3 Hugh de PayensW4 noobot/-POW-W5Angel of DoomW6 -POW- Given AwayW7 -POW-W8 TixxFreeW9 FuniqHunt/Al_SalilW10 -POW-Al_Salil soldW11 -POW- deleted/Druss sold

Bored with a life of plunder and adventure you decide to retire and become an accountant. Unfortunately your mental abilities are stretched beyond their limits and you are fired by the Bank for gross incompetence. You return to the Bank the following day and empty its vault into your saddlebags whilst uttering anti-capitalist slogans and waving a black flag. 1000g 10xp

Falling from your horse after it stumbled in a particularly treacherous pothole, you suffer a minor yet incapacitating injury. The resulting lawsuit earns you a decent haul. 1000g 10xp

Upon returning home one day, you discover your pet goose laying sparkling eggs. In a quick visit to the local Fabergé dealer you swap the Diamond-Encrusted Egg for a wad of cash. 1000g 6xp

While perusing the market in Jerusalem, a man in a white hood attempts to stab you in the throat with a strange pointy thing attached to his wrist. After convincing him that you are in fact NOT a Templar, he apologises and starts to walk away. As soon as his back is turned you strike him unconscious with your weapon and drag his body to the local authorities and collect a hefty reward. 1200g 12xp

While riding along the highway one day, you notice 3 red dots appear on your chest. A large Austrian man emerges from the roadside vegetation and tells you to "Smear cold mud on yourself". Barely have these words escaped his mouth when he is eviscerated by something invisible. You gallop away as fast as you can. A national newspaper pays you a large amount for your "Remarkable Story of the Unknown" 800g 8xp

During your commute to your favourite plundering spot (Lovely views of the Jordan Valley and copious free stabling facilities), you stumble across a large group of ninjas and pirates engaged in a mass brawl. While they are distracted you rifle through their knapsacks and pilfer any and all valuables. 800g 8xp

More successful plunders

A lurks by a pub outhouse at midnight, but is spotted by B just intime. B sneaks around behind A, yells BOO, and A lurches startled
into the outhouse. B then pushes it over. This popular latrine has
not been cleaned out in 20 years.

A calls a halt in the battle and buys B poutine, Beavertails and rich
Canadian beer. B has a heart attack and is rushed to the nearest
hospice. Fortunately, B has medical insurance and is able to pay for
treatment and return to fight another day.

...Yes, I ken William Twyti
An he ought to be gagged
With his hounds and his horn in the morning.(T. H. White)

After a disappointing day, you return home only to stumble across the golden cement! Gleefully, you start building a golden house with the cement and a past found golden brick

Ill put all of these in the correct thread now

She likes us Christians really!!

From -Typo-Fairy- - The members of GAME thank you all, and Mut.. to you a very special thank you.. a little Red Pebble.. to remind you that xtians can be cool

Typo Fairy really loves me!! - Ive a very special gift to award..to Mutania, because again.. he has shown me that some xtians are cool.. *bestowed to Mut - a blow up raft shaped like crocodile head- floats on the water and looks just like the real thing! The words " THE GAME" blazed on the head*

*You are sacking a neighboring castle, you burst through the doors with the aid of a battering ram, slaying all the guardians of the gate. Your superior prowess in battle has earned you a name in legend and a hefty portion of the spoils.

*You are invited to a tournament in a neighboring kingdom. You manage to knock your opponent off his horse, and ransom his horse back to him for a large sum.

As the enemy besieges your castle, they fling dead cattle over the wall. You are pleasantly surprised when you realize they accidentally flung their own purse over. You smile imagining the dread on their face at the realization of their mistake.

You decide to give up fighting and take a carear in painting. You paint landscapes as far as the eye could see and sell them at auction for a mint.
You put Andy Warhol to shame with the price they bring.
10xp
3.2million gold

After some hours lurking at the back of the tavern you see the inn keeping locking up for the night
gripping your rubber cosh tighly you creep up on him and knock him senseless and remove the
entire nights thimbling takings from him.

After lurking in the rafters of the local tavern, you deside to take a walk. Just outside the tavern you notice that someone has planted a big tree... You promptly cut it down, watching people fall out of it and sell it as firewood.

After unsuccessfully attempting to negotiate a better price with the blacksmith for a new weapon you've had your eyes on for some time, you decide to plunder his shop. That night, you ransack the shop and make off with the money from the week's sales (and the weapon you had had your eyes on.)*

*Somewhat unlikely that will actually happen, but I thought it a nice touch.

Believing that the stall keeper of the weapons stall is holding back some of the gold you are owed from your sales, you decide to plunder the stall for all you can find, you ride home with a lot of gold and the receipts from your sales which prove he was holding back gold.