Going For Goldsprints – Guest Gallery by Christine Moser!

We kicked off 2 Broke 4 The Worlds with Goldsprints, everyone’s favorite way to cramp up and burn out legs before a big race. For the unacquainted, Goldsprints are stationary bike races. Two fixed gear bikes on roller stands, hooked up to a computer that tells the world who cranked out the faster time for a set distance. Geared at a 2.0 ratio (34×17, same as Rich’s singlespeed MTB!) these Goldsprint bikes were ultra-low-resistance spinning machines, designed to deliver maximum suffering, while being minimally impressive to onlookers. Imagine two goons at the gym going ham, spinning their feet beyond the speed of light, as spectators scream at and throw beer on them. Then, tell us which gym this is and sign us up for a membership. Stationary bike races may sound ridiculous, but add enough beer and – OK, beer is all you need – and the competition really heats up.

The Sponsor

Joe Prettyman, The Deaner and Chris Snider: Hardly working messengers.

Robinson and Roberto go two times in a row after a TIE!

Travis from Bicycle Michael’s takes home First Place.

#localhardlady

Barf

2nd Place, Robinson. Travis, those records are yours!

3rd Place, Chris Snider

1st Place, Sara Kane

2nd Place, KDHL

We got things rolling with open sprints matches, just for fun. We tossed up some prizes like PBR T-Shirts for prime rounds, to make things interesting. We did a few beer races, wherein both riders must drink a half-pint before finishing their race. Finally, we started a bracket and began running head-to-head matches for all the bacon. In one of the more exciting heats, Robinson Sudan and Roberto Puig actually tied, with times identical to 3 decimal places. That’s pretty much a scientific anomaly. To the delight of the crowd and the disappointment of those poor saps, a rematch was called. Rich was knocked out of the tournament pretty early on when Boedi decided to handicap him by demanding an entire PBR tallboy be pounded before even starting to pedal. Needless to say, Rich lost the match and nearly lost his lunch. For how absurd the whole shebang was, everyone seemed to have a blast, enough so that the neighbors called the bar a couple times to complain about maniacs screaming wildly in 17 second intervals. Sweetening the pot, rad prizes got handed out to top men and ladies. Thankfully, our good friend, Christine Moser was there to capture some of the action for you folks at home. Thanks for the snaps, Christine!

We got these bikes on loan from Beaux Jones and Bike Baton Rouge, who are hosting a series of Goldsprint tournaments this summer. Their next event will be August 28th, check their Facebook for more details. We will definitely be doing more of these in the future, and we highly suggest you attend. We also highly suggest you clear your schedule for several days afterwards of any activities that involve walking normally.