“We the shaboinkin people. We got some shit hanging down on us … Ya’ll don’t believe it? White people the ones that made up the rumor. Ya know black people got some tremendous dicks … The Brother’s dick is too big, it fucks up his balance.” —Eddie Murphy, Delirious, 1983

I have a problem with my dick size. It’s not big and I want it to be! I guess it is about average size, and that’s just not good enough!

I’m also Black and the ‘word’ is all Black men have a large phallus. Not sure where I was when they gave them out, I obviously skipped kindergarten that day.

At around age 12, I had a neighbour who was hung. He felt so highly about his member that he frequently had it on display. If he was not talking about it, he was challenging other kids to a dick size contest. It was not enough that he was the tallest and seemed to garner the most female attention; he had to be hung as well.

It was not just the neighbourhood kids talking about the uniqueness of African American dick size. Comedian Eddie Murphy in his hit stand up Delirious and the late great entertainer Bernie Mac also discussed the apparent enormity of Black genitalia.

Meanwhile there are literally some days when I look down at my crotch, and ask, “Is that really all you got?”

Size?

I can´t say exactly what my measurements are because I have never taken a ruler to my penis. The primary reason for this is because I hate bad news, and that’s the type of information that can ruin my day. Furthermore, at least this way I can honestly answer “I don’t know” when asked my size. Besides I have watched enough pornography, been in enough locker rooms and read enough literature on male penis size to know the difference between big and average. I am (at most) average. And that stinks.

I suppose I have no reason to complain. No sexual partner has ever said my dick size was a problem. Then again, would they actually tell me?

Just Right

Although no partner has ever informed me that I have a small penis, on two occasions I have been labelled “not big.” Upon first moving to Australia I was in a relationship with a very beautiful and caring, White Australian woman. A few months into our romance we chatted about her friends and their impressions of me. One of the first questions they asked her was, “Is it true what they say about Black men?”

The sad part is, I wanted her to be able to answer their question with “Yes, his dick is massive and magnificent.” I don’t know how she actually responded, but the look in her eyes appeared to say “You’re no porn star, but it’ll do.”

Two years later and I was dating a beautifully curvaceous, bubbly, Italian-Australian female. Early on her friends bluntly asked her: “Is his dick big?” She responded by saying that my penis was “just right.” JUST RIGHT? “Just right” is for room temperature. For my genitalia, I want BIG!

Undoubtedly, the interracial nature of the above unions played a role in the myth of the Black phallus being selected as a central topic of conversation. The question is: if the two women were Black, would the weight of this stereotype continue to bear down heavily upon me?

Long before I began dating, I was aware of the perception of that to be a Black man is to have a large penis. Therefore, it is likely that this insecurity would be present for me regardless of the ethno-cultural background of my sexual partner.

I have tried penis exercises to no avail and even considered penis enlargement surgery, but I cannot reconcile the idea of sharp objects in that neighbourhood. So I’m stuck with what I got.

This idea is vividly depicted within the D.W. Griffith film “Birth of a Nation.” In the film, the central Black character, Gus, aggressively pursues a White female, who ultimately jumps to her death to avoid his advances. Gus is then tried and killed by members of the Ku Klux Klan, who are heroically depicted in the film.

Author/Professor Gail Dines accurately reported the ways in which the porn industry plays upon sexual racism. Many of the adult movies with Black men in starring roles use racial themes in the title and often as the flick’s primary selling point. Titles such as “Big Black Dicks, Little White Chicks,” and ‘There´s a Black Man in My Wife´s Ass,” are a microcosm of the porn industry´s perpetuation of Black male sexual stereotypes. In these cases the troupe includes exacerbation of the notion of Black male obsession with White females which was often used to justify lynching of Black males.

Larry G. Morton II, in his article entitled: MSM, the Streets, and Lockdown: Sexual Threat and Social Dominance in America, reported that present day stereotypes such as ‘once you go black you never go back’ are examples of attempts to stigmatise Black male sexuality. Or, as Dines revealed: “From the image of the black woman as Jezebel, to the black male as savage, mainstream white representations of blacks have coded black sexuality as deviant, excessive and a threat to the white social order.”

Going Forward

So the idea of the salacious Black male and his monster cock has been used to perpetuate the objectification and brutality of African American men. However, how does one transcend messages of marginalization when they are transmitted through interpersonal, institutional and historical channels?

Education

For starters, more education is needed in order to re-socialize males starting from childhood. Looking back, much of my education came from my childhood peers, most of whom were as misinformed as me. Such information can include confronting present stereotypes and hyper masculine ideals about male sexuality as well as providing concrete research on male anatomy.

For example, I was recently informed by a colleague that, contrary to popular belief, human males are the best endowed of the hominids, proportionate to body size. The average human penis size is 5.16 inches. As my colleague concluded, if men were not bombarded with a barrage of messages preaching their inadequacy, insecurities related to the male genitalia would be minimal.

Brain-gasm

Furthermore, there is general agreement among sex experts that the brain is the biggest erogenous zone, not external genitalia. The more in tune we are to the sexual preferences of ourselves and our partners, the more enhanced the sexual experience. This type of information may be useful in rewriting the dominant masculine narrative.

Black male voices

Finally, I find that there is very little literature written about Black American male sexuality in the absence of disease and oppression. One might conclude that the strict scholastic focus on Black American male sexual behaviour pertaining inflexibly to disease and oppression itself constitutes a racist distortion of Black American Male sexuality.

I would argue that this type rigid focus on sexuality inadvertently deflects attention away from African American men’s individual attitudes about their sexuality. Our understanding of Black American male sexuality would benefit by according attention to both macro and micro level dynamics.

Examination of the sexual experiences, attitudes and beliefs of Black American men and how these individuals construct stories about their sexual experiences appears warranted and yet conspicuously absent from the literature.

Media

As for television, I am still waiting on a male equivalent to “Sex in the City”: a space for men to authentically talk about or experiences, hopes, dreams, and fears in reference to sex and sexuality. Discussing our insecurities in particular may be a path towards liberation from our societally imposed, hypermasculine prison. Remember, you’re as healthy as your secrets.”