The first time someone called me a loner was 2008. I met with one of old friends who I hadn't see for years. He told me that I am a loner. What? I am not a loner. I told him. "Yes, you are." He laughed.

5 years later, today, I agree with him. I am a loner.

I don't go parties, go social with others, go out with friends, hang out in the group more than 3 people, etc.. My reason for that is always the same: too much work and I can't be myself. Don't take me wrong, I enjoy all the things above, but I rather be by myself or just with small group of people, like no more than 2 people. I had time that I didn't talk to one single person for days and I had time that I refused to hangout with close friends, only because they didn't make the plan a week ahead. I don't like last minute social event. I like to go to social events, but I have to know advance more than a week to prepare myself emotional and mentally. That's strange, I know. I am not sure if I am a loner from long ago or just this few years because I thought I was sociable.

Maybe some of my old friends will be as surprised as I was when they know I admit myself as a loner 'cause I am always friendly, sociable, talkative or even bubbly. I am all that. That is me. But I think I am also a home buddy, quiet, reserved and enjoyed to be left alone. Just don't want to talk to people who I don't know well, who I don't know at all, who I only know for less than 5 years and don't hangout daily because I felt I have to always be friendly and talk to them even we all know there is nothing to talk about. Why trying so hard to fit in? I never fitted in, and never tried to.

It wasn't hard to grow up as a single child. I am always alone and doing things that I enjoy to do by myself. It was hard to have both parents who are very sociable. They like to party, especially my mom. They took me with them everywhere they go. This friend's party, that friend's party. I was always quiet. Just sitting there and listen to them, or reading my book, mind my own business. Maybe the loner is always in me.

I like who I am. If I don't hangout with you for a period of time, it doesn't mean I don't like you. I am just simply like to be alone a lot. But I do enjoy time with friends and family. Maybe because it doesn't happen enough for me, it seems to be so enjoyable. I am weird... sorry my friends.