How to Attract Women: What They’re Not Telling You

In the darkness, as you stare across the bar, desperately wondering how to get the attention of that impossibly out-of-your-league blonde bombshell, your mind is racing.

What do I say? How do I act? What should I do? And you still come up with nothing. Why? Because you’re not asking the right question.

All these questions you’re asking actually have a deeper undercurrent — something that forms the basis of these questions that you have to get to before you can come up with a real answer: How do I attract women?

You see, you don’t really care about what you should say or what you should do, as long as they get you the results you want: doe-eyes, wet-panty, delicate-touch-of-your-arm, attraction. You want her to want you, and want you badly.

So if you’re ever going to answer these questions that race through your ming, you have to start by answering the core question first: How do you attract women?

How to attract women: A Beginners Guide

Attracting women is simple, straight-forward, and even logical – when you know how.

And if you want to take the hard work out of turning accidental eye-contact into, flirty smiles and even a feminine hand resting casually on your arm, the first thing you need to do is forget everything you’ve ever been told about attracting women.

Here’s why:

According to the ‘seduction bibles’ floating around the internet, mischievously traded between confused 14 year olds in seedy internet chat rooms, to attract a woman, you need to activate her attraction switches.

Yes, that’s actually the way they talk about attraction, like women were some piece of Ikea furniture you could ‘turn on’ by following the instruction manual and making sure all the screws were in the right places (pun intended).

This is actually a load of crap – made up by some confused little boys who couldn’t tell the difference between what they did that made a specific woman attracted to them at a specific point in time and the actual mechanism of attraction.

Saying that you have to flick 5 / 9 / 14 ‘attraction switches’ to attract a woman because they were the things you did to attract one woman is like saying you need to kick a ball forward, then backwards, then with your right foot, then your left foot, then really hard with your right again to score a goal in soccer.

What you did once to achieve an outcome doesn’t mean that that’s how you achieve that outcome every time.

If you walked onto a soccer field and just kicked the ball the same way you did the last time you scored a goal then you’re going to miss 99.999% of the time. And if you blindly follow this flawed ‘attraction switch’ theory, you’re going to miss out on attracting the girl, time and time again.

This is because the theory of attraction switches ignores the most fundamental rule of attraction: attraction is a feeling, not a thought.

If you can make a woman experience what she wants to experience, then she will be attracted to you. If you can’t, then she won’t.

That’s it. That’s all there is to it.

If a woman wants to feel excited and alive and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.

If a woman wants to feel safe and secure and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.

If a woman wants to feel free and unrestricted and you can give that to her, then she’ll be attracted towards you.

When you can give a woman what she wants, she’ll be drawn to you like a magnet. If you can’t, then at worst, she’ll be neutral and at worst, she’ll be pushed away from you.

And you’re right, it’s not revolutionary. Which makes it even more puzzling how the guys who came up with the attraction switch theory missed how obvious this is…

The fact that attraction is a feeling makes the ‘attraction switch’ theory completely wrong on two counts.

Attraction Switches are a Load of Crap Reason 1:

Women want different experiences

Do you think the follow women want the same experience?

The 18 year old party girl who’s just broken up with her high-school sweetheart and is exploring all the possibilities that comes with moving away from home to college for the first time

The 27 year old book worm who just started to explore her love affair with Edgar Allen Poe and other great literary geniuses

The 35 year old cougar who craves the attention of younger men because he husband of 11 years spends more time on the Xbox than he does with her

The 29 year old who’s been trapped in an unsafe relationship with an abusive boyfriend for the last 2 years and has finally found the strength to move on

Do you think you could just flip the same switches with these women and they’d be on their knees unzipping your fly?

Do you think you could just follow the same manual to turn all of these women into blubbering messes?

No. Of course not.

The party girls wants to taste freedom and so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of freedom

The book worm wants to experience a depth of connection so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of connection

The cougar wants to feel appreciated and important so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of appreciation

The abuse victim wants to feel a sense of power and control over her life and so to attract her, you’d have to give her the experience of power and control

Each woman is different and each woman wants a different experience. This means there is not step-by-step set of switches you have to flick because each woman has a different set of ‘switches’.

Just in the same way you want different things out of life than your parents and your mates, women also want different things.

But, it doesn’t just stop there. This goes even deeper…

Attraction Switches are a Load of Crap Reason 2:

The experience women want changes day-by-day, and even moment-by-moment

Answer this: when you woke up this morning, did you crave the exact same thing for breakfast as you did for lunch? Or, over the course of the day, have your desires changed?

Of course you didn’t.

Why? Because people change. All the time. Every day.

And that means that the experience they’re attracted to changes as well.

The party girl who wants to taste freedom might see her ex-boyfriend making out with another girl and all of a sudden desire to feel significant and important

The book worm who craves connection might get her fill and all of a sudden desire to do something exciting and outlandish

The cougar who desires to feel appreciated and important might find her sense of significance and then crave an adventure

Women (just like guys) change. Their thoughts change, their feelings change, and their desires change.

You can’t just follow one set script and process to attract women because even if all women did desire the same experience at one point in time, that desire is going to change. And when that desire changes, what they’re attract to will change.

But that’s not all. There’s one more point you need to know about attraction switches

There’s no one exact set of tools or switches you can use to attract any woman because every woman is different.

Every single one.

Different women want different experiences at different times of the day and to give them the experience they want (and have them attracted to you because of it), you can’t just follow a script or a prescribed set of actions.

So now comes the usual question:

“How do I attract a woman by giving her the experience she wants?”

This is where most pickup books would just in with techniques about to demonstrate this and how to internalise that, and frankly, once again, they’re all crap.

Why? Because the actions you take don’t determine how you make women feel.

You can introduce yourself in a way that makes her feel creeped out and you can introduce yourself in a way that makes her feel excited and alive

You can tell a story in a way that makes her feel pressured to laugh and give you a positive response and you can tell a story in a way that makes her feel excited.

You can ask her for her number in a way that her feel unsafe and unsure and you can ask for her number in a way that makes desired and appreciated

One factor that is missing is the “rape accusation” issue. And that any sex between males/females is now considered rape. Women can now consent to sex with a man, regret it two days later and accuse the partner of rape. No questions asked,man is arrested. And walking around schools, I see posters all over calling sex, sexual assault. Basically, their point being that consensual sex doesn’t exist, it’s always sexual assault. Men are walking away from romance now that there’s always a spectre of the new witch hunt hanging over them. Personally, I always ask women I meet and pursue “would you be comfortable with a non-sexual relationship with me?” They always say no, they want sex. So I then tell them that’s fine but I just want to establish that you’re not doing me any favours. It’s a tangled web that’s been weaved into modern relationships thanks to feminism. And I consider myself a traditional feminist: I support women having careers and all the freedoms men have. The problem is, feminism has become a hate movement against men. And it hurts women the most.

The problem with trying to pick up women and pick up strategies is you’ll never really come across as genuine. You need to work on yourself and you wont have to do anything. Women will attract to YOU because you radiate confidence and alpha-male behaviour.

I Logun, i really like your things and your materials, but, just one thing, really i cant understand why you destroy the hability of create strongs beliefs..?? Why? Thats a very important thing, in lot of aspects in life, in PNL, in hypnosis, in all…and you with your book SCS destroy the skill and the capacity of believe in any strong some idea.. Why your ebook made guys looks like in a sleep state, and absolutely asexual?? are you the Evil? Are you working really for CIA – mental destruction section? why your primal objetive is become guys in retardars and stupids? And please, public these note, dont be a coward, What could I did for recover my belief hability? I will pay all what you want…have a nice day…

Thanks for your comment. I’m sorry that you feel so lost but I’m not sure what you’re talking about. If anything, I encourage you to have very strong beliefs.

Yes, the ideas in Seduction Community Sucks are designed to help you see the limitation of the ideas of the seduction community, but they’re also designed to help you see that there’s a different and more powerful way to transform your relationships with women. A way that involves taking responsibility for your life, owning who you are, what you stand for, where you want to go, and pursuing that.

I don’t want you to be asexual, I want you to be ultra sexual. I don’t understand where you got this idea from. Can you let me know what part of the book led you to the belief that I want you to be like that?

Leigh

P.S. I can neither confirm nor deny that I work for the CIA but that’s a topic for a later discussion… 🙂

I can see what he is talking about. I`ve read your SCS from a getting perspective and I felt then what he is feeling now. If John downloads Endgame maybe all becoms much clearer. At least it did for me 🙂

I agreed with the first half. Then the 2nd half I don’t know if I am getting this right, but it feels like I need to adapt myself constantly? (What happened to being myself?) and keep trying to analyse and think what she needs to make her feel better? Whats the difference between this and “saving” her? a trap lots of ‘nice guys’ fall into?

Great question! I was wondering how long it was going to take before someone asked that.

The reason you’re confused here is you’re not making the separation between the end point and the pathway for getting there.

The ultimate end point I’m attempting to help you achieve is to become the kind of Man who naturally gives to everyone around him because he’s so happy, fulfilled, and satisfied with his life that he’s able to give completely without asking anything in return.

The pathway I’m suggesting you follow is one of being completely selfish and totally internally focused so that you are completely fulfilled and satisfied with your life without her in it. When you reach this place, you can give freely without asking for anything in return.

If you try and give before you reach this place, there’s always going to be an element of neediness, wanting to get something back for your giving.

The difference between this pathway and ‘saving her’ is if you’re totally fulfilled and happy with your life, you’re probably not going to be attracted to someone who needs saving. I can’t say this as a conclusive statement because I can only speak from personal experience but now I’m on the path of personal fulfillment, women who need saving simply don’t do it for me. I want to fill my life with people who are strong, free, powerful, and moving forward creating the life they want. I don’t want it to be weighed down by people who are only interested in taking from me.

Helloo! These is the part of your book that make me lose lot of confidence, power in magic and money, because i normaly just create the reality that I wish to want… And I don´t know why the next day when I finish that book all my old ideas dissapear, and my mind become blank…
Cap.9 of SCS. WHY DOING AFFIRMATIONS (TO DEVELOP POSITIVE BELIEFS ABOUT YOURSELF) IS BAD FOR YOUR CONGRUENCE
Confidence and positive beliefs are very closely intertwined, but as there’s such a huge emphasis
placed on them in the bla,bla,bla,bla,bla and more bla, and my set of believes was absolutely destroyed… Include my sexual tension, again, dont be a coward and publish these comment, have a nice day Agent Logun…

Ok, so I think I get it. You had a map of the world that told you that getting power and money was the way to live your life. It was the ‘right’ way to live.

Then you read SCS and all of a sudden you see that living that life isn’t going to make you happy fulfilled or satisfied with your life. If this is right, I think I can see what’s going on here.

If you’ve spent your entire life chasing money and power, there’s a good chance you’ve been letting other people dictate what you should work towards in life. Now that you’ve read SCS and seen that those things aren’t important, you don’t know what you need to work towards because for the first time, you have to think for yourself.

Is that accurate?

I’m not trying to put you down or make you feel bad, I’m simply trying to understand what’s happening here.

Actually I didn’t even read this guy’s question, only your answer here and I’m wondering if i am not in that position exactly. I used to be myself when i was younger, sparky and full if life, i was also arrogant and had an attitude and all if that attracted girls alot. I still get messages from girls telling me how much they wanted me when we where in high school. I grew up, made my career pass in front of everything, had relationshits with two narcissists, and sex here and there with a bunch if women. But since my last relationship i feel like i have no more drive, i lost myself, it took me a while to get back on my feet and i don’t even know if I’m completely recovered from all that emotional turmoil. And now i feel like if i want to atteact a woman i need to show money and power, because i feel empty. I dont know if I’m explaining that the right way but i just feel that it’s the inly thing i can do now. Buy a Mercedez, go to the gym and act like i’m on top of my game. Pitiful.. 🙁

Is it common to feel happy and fulfilled yet when seeing a beautiful women, there is still a desire of wanting her as girlfriend, which then traps me in a getting pathway that makes me insecure a needy for that moment?

Think back to the work you did in Get Real – what’s the sensation you’re seeking behind your desire to have her as your girlfriend? And what’s a way you can expereince that through the actions you take rather than through the outcome.

what’s the sensation you’re seeking behind your desire to have her as your girlfriend? —–

How can I describe it? By seeing her everyday, watching her smile, listening to her laughter, feeling the softness of her skin…..It is a sensation of comfort, a rush to the heart feeling fulfilled and loved. I guess that’s the best I can do to put it..

How would I experience that sensation through actions instead of outcomes?

I am a bit confused.. Do you mean the action of ‘making love’ with her to experience that sensation vs outcome as ‘She likes me’?

Ok, so what I’m reading in this is that ‘I’m trying to be more like the kind of guy that I think women will be more attracted to by trying to be more confident. The problem is that no women are attracted to me.’ Is that right?

Humans by nature are selfish that is why we tend to think more of our needs rather than our partners. It takes a real men to know the needs of a women and be able to provide and satisfy them. Nice article. Good job man!

Just a tip. You should maybe consider mentioning that the book is free because when i read your article, I ignored the link to SCS because I thought it was some sort of product you where trying to sell. Then I realized it was a free E-book, and that turned on my curiosity. Great article, always good to have those kinds of logic and simple but still important tips!

I’m glad you emphasised the point that attraction is simply a feeling.

I don’t care what your circumstances, ugly, broke, boring, you can attract hot women. It’s all about knowing 100% in your heart that YOU ARE THE MAN, and you can pull any chick you want even 10/10’s. Once you have this mindset, attracting women will be of ease.

Not many posts get me interested, however Im going to download the e-book and have a read. All information is good information – It looks interesting anyway. Seduction and attraction can be tricky concepts and you definitely need some inner thinking to get it all worked out in your mind.

This is hilarious I am a woman and the key to getting is to be interested in you is to allow us to see all the foos in you. What makes you attractive that you already have inside. We get hit on all the time we don’t want to be approached by another guy who wants to buy is a drink in hopes of getting laid. All we ask is you are fearless and want to engage in a great coversation and joke around a little and don’t sweat possibilities of rejection. We are humans just like men and when men don’t take the step to engage with us chances are they will miss out.
Just thought a female perspective might be nice. GReat job L.

Words of wisdom and clarity finally on dating. I remember coming out of a 10 year marriage and realised I was no longer the confident man I used to be, in fact I was no longer me.

I started down the David De track and it was a good primer, I also enjoyed many of his dating gurus. When I read all the different ways guys were attracting women… it dawned on me. ‘shit! I’ve done that” A bit of an aha moment.

I never had trouble meeting and attracting women before I got married. Perhaps I didn’t qualify enough but what the heck, I probably didn’t know what I wanted anyway…lol

So now I’m feeling more and more like my old self but more like a new self. My confidence is back because I’m no longer focussed on me. I focus on making women laugh & smile, I’m genuinely interested in them and find it easy to create rapport with… anyone, male or female.

You’ll attract a woman, as a by product of being who you are, for real.

If you’re not attracting any women, perhaps you’re not interesting enough or think highly enough of yourself (not in an ego way). It also helps to be interested enough to learn the arts of seduction your woman deserves the best.

Go for the women who you feel attracted to on many levels. Some of the coolest women I’ve ever dated were way under what guys would consider 10. I never gauge a woman on her looks alone, if you do, your are missing out on some beautiful women out there. Looks and body parts are over rated.

A Woman last week asked me (before we met up),

Her: What type of breasts do you like?
Me: Depends who they are on (this is true for me)
Her: Now come on, don’t you like big boobs, most guys do!
Me: Well, I do feel for women with large boobs, all that extra weight and back problems
Her: What would you call large boobs?
Me: …..You know, bigger than 12D
Her: Well I’m sorry, you miss out, I’m 12F
Me:.. (laughing by now) Let’s not quibble about a few millimetres

I’ve been dating online since 2003

PS I like that left brain right brain analogy its really opened my mind to being aware of ‘whats’ in control of me at any one time. Great stuff, dialling it in this weekend. 🙂

And yeah, you’re right. I still find it easy to slip back into old habits and have ot keep reminding myself of the basics. It’s a never ending game but it’s also the most rewarding game you’ll ever play.

I do agree that some of the advice out there about attracting women can seem overly complicated and over the top. I try to tell guys to start with making themselves more ‘attractive’ people in the first place. In other words, I tell guys to work on developing themselves and trying to improve their own lives so that they can become more ‘attractive’ to women.

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Great post about this subject. Taking action and believe in yourself is the best thing really, because if you try things and fail you learned a valuable lesson and you are one step closer to becoming successful

Very good information in this article is true as to what really attracts women, many times we get if we want to pass security to a woman, we must be sure of yourself, it’s a matter of transferença of feeling, if I’m happy and having fun, this energy will infect positively people around me, the same thing if I get insecure or sad near the girl She tends to feel strange.

Leigh (LoGun)
Really enjoyed your article about woman preferring rough sex. I myself enjoy the lighter side of BDSM and absolutely love it when said women is uninhibited, as that’s such a turn on. Nothing like a little biting on the small of neck/collar bone area to let her know this sex is about to get all the way animalistic. On another note… Let’s be friends Leigh!

Great article, but totally academic for me. There’s no way I could ever attract any woman no matter what I do – they just never see me as anything other than a friend. I’ve asked many woman friends what’s wrong with me, and they’ve all said there’s nothing wrong with me – I just need to act sexual. Unfortunately I can’t do that, so the terrible reality is that I’m a lost cause who will be alone forever.

You are putting yourself in the friend zone. Look at your behavior, do you constantly hang out with them when they ask you to? Do you agree with everything a woman says? The solution is to ignore them sometimes and create sexual tension. Be selfish, you will see a change in how women will view you.

No, I don’t agree with everything women say to me – in fact most of the time I disagree – and I ignore most people pretty much all the time. My problem, according to my woman friends, is that I need to ‘act sexual’ around women I like. Since I am unable to do that, I’m stuck being alone forever no matter what.

With so many women nowadays that are Bi And Gay which really does make it very difficult for us Straight Guys trying to meet a Good One that isn’t since they will Mouth Off to us when we will try to start a Conversation with the one that will Attract us since i had this happened to me already which a friend that i know had the same thing happened to him as well.

during the past several months during my morming jog ive exchanged smiles and hellos with an attractive young woman every woman as she stands at her bus stop. I KNOW SHE LIVES 2 BLOCKS DOWN FROM NY STREET BUT I DO NOT HAVE A NAME ADDRESS NUMBR OR CONTACT NUMBER! ALSO I DO NOT KNOW ANYODY WE HAVE IN COMMON IN THE NEIGHBORHOD THAT I COULD ASK INFO ABOUT HER. I WISH SHE COULD SEE ME IN DRESS CLOTHES INSTEAD OF MORNING JOGGING CLOTHES CAN U THINK OF ANY OTHER WAYS I COULD “COINCIDENTALLY” BUMP INTO HER SINCE SHE LIVES 2 BLOCKS FROM ME?? ANY APPROACH STRATEGIES???? THANX CLAUDE

Awesome post! All of this advice is exactly what I have been looking for. As someone who’s responsibilities will soon include a lot more reaching out and getting active in social conversations, this was great to read. I especially like that you included how important it is to track you conversations, don’t just have them. So important to continue to analyze and better strategize to have better more valuable communications with your audience.

Golden advice? It would take a whole other book and lifetime to give yourself everything you want, you’d be dead before that happened in all likelihood.

As far the PUA seduction community yeah if you look at with just a glance it seems sexist or whatever (and it doesn’t say it’ll work 100% of the time, nothing in nature works 100% of the time) But when you realize the reason it works is because you’re just doing to women what they do naturally to men then you won’t feel so guilty, bad or whatever about it. Women are naturally master PUAs.

I would tell my single guy friends about PUA stuff and they would be like i can’t do that, that sounds wrong. Then like 5 minutes later they’re calling women bitches and hos or commenting on a woman’s tits/ass when she walks by and I’m wrong/sexist? Women and men both want sex, just gender roles makes us go about it differently. Whatever works, works.

There is one secret to getting women and it’s so simple it changed my life. Go for Asian women. Don’t go for western women, they are too strong and independent, too much mind games. Asian women like nice guys, they like boring guys, you don’t have to try! When I say Asian women by the way I mean women from Asia who have lived in a western country for maybe one to two years. Not westernised Asian women, they are just as strong and independent as western women themselves. Honestly, if you don’t care about language barriers and want a traditional woman with good values, pretty, good body you will never look back. Let’s be honest guys don’t care too much about good conversation really, it’s only because women like it. We just want a decent woman and sex on tap. I’m not saying every hot western woman is indecent, I’m just saying many are, and your chances are low unless you are something extremely special. After 18 months of focusing on Asian women I slept with more hot girls than in my life and now I’m married. I can just be myself. I don’t have to be hot, they love white men, it’s that simple and as long as you’re a gentleman you can’t go wrong. No mind games, no bullshit. Trust me.