Saturday, January 19, 2013

Comprehensive Firearms Reform

Today's society seems to be divided into two distinct groups regarding guns and gun control: gun grabbers and gun nuts. There are very few people who fall into the neutral "don't give a crap" category.

With the presence of so-called "assault weapons" allowing lunatics to kill large numbers of people with relative ease and the convenience of not having to reload very often. and the propensity of these lunatics to take their weapons into so-called "gun-free zones," it is obvious something needs to be done.

I have a solution.
First, I think we need to give thanks to God that lunatics like James Holmes and Adam Lanza didn't realize that, at a much smaller expense, a load of fertilizer and a few common household cleaners could have been mixed to cause a whole lot more carnage. Think about it: Timothy McVeigh killed more people by an order of magnitude with just a U-Haul truck and a trip to his local garden center. Instead of watching the story unfold at Sandy Hook Elementary, we could have been staring at a hole in the ground where the school, and all the students and teachers inside, had been.

Second, we need to realize that the Regressives in this country will not rest until guns are banned and out of the hands of every law-abiding private citizen. I'm sick of fighting this issue, and think we should give them what they want, with a twist.

I want to use components of my plan for Comprehensive Emigration Reform to enact a system that will allow the gun grabbers to grab all the guns they can grab (How many guns would a gun grabber grab if a gun grabber could grab guns? Say it three times fast!), while allowing the gun nuts (among whom number my wife, Ndnd, and I) to not only keep their weapons, but expand their arsenal as well.

What we need to do is set up a nationwide gun-free zone, with one giant zone where the ownership of firearms is encouraged, if not required. For the sake of clarity, I'll refer to the gun-free zone as Amerika, and the armed and dangerous zone as Texas. The Texas zone need not be composed solely of the actual State of Texas, but we should call it that or the Texans will get all upset. Optimally, this zone will be composed of contiguous regions, so that at least some of Oklahoma, New Mexico, Arkansas and Louisiana could be included.

Once the boundaries of the zone are determined, construction of a border wall should commence, cutting Texas off from the rest of Amerika and, ideally, Mexico. Texans won't mind, they consider the rest of Amerika foreign territory, anyway. Ultimately, it's not to keep Texans in, anyway; It's to keep Amerikans out.

Once the border wall is completed, the U.S. government would enact the emigration plan to allow for relocations between the two entities, providing $250,000 to each person who wants to relocate in either direction: Freedom-loving gun nuts to Texas, fascism-loving gun-grabbers to Amerika. At the border, all firearms would be taken from those heading to Amerika, and AR-15 assault rifles would be given, after a suitable background check, to all adults heading to Texas.

Once the transfer had been completed, the border wall would be sealed, and Texas would be cast out of Amerika. This might seem like a difficult feat to accomplish, but I bet it would be much easier than it appears: democRats don't care much for Texas because it is such a deep red state, and Republicans don't care for Texas because Texas can care for itself. Since the outflow from Texas would be largely liberal, and the inflow largely conservative, I suspect those remaining in Amerika wouldn't mind the New Texans taking the Constitution with us, as they would not be likely to use it anyway.

I know this plan is expensive, and there would be those who would say it was unaffordable, but to them I say, "It's for the children. If just one life could be saved, isn't that worth any price the Amerikan taxpayer could pay?" Our children have to live to have a future, for us to mortgage it. I bet the liberals in Amerika would sell their own grandchildren to the Chinese to get rid of the Conservatives in the nation. Those they haven't aborted, anyway.

18 comments:

Wow again. I tell ya what, wow! Can I move to Texas near Hunter? My parents live in Alabama so I already have the southern accent down. Unfortunately, my best southern is black girl southern... Which sounds funny coming from me. Just ask Lactose....uh oh. Now the liberals are calling me racist. How soon can I relocate? :)

I have no idea where I got it. whenever I try and speak southern it just comes out. she must be my alter ego or something.

Maybe could we move south but not quite so far south? Like maybe Kentucky? they have these beautiful Asian looking trees with Pinky purple blossoms in the spring. they grow out of the rocks all along the side of the freeway. so dainty that's so strong

It's possible Kentucky could be part of Greater Texas when the change occurs. It just depends on how many people want to relocate. We could even have different provinces: Texas Province, Oklahoma Province, etc.

Kentucky is still a bit too cold in the winter for me. I've often thought Chattanooga would be nice, and I have family in Atlanta. (Georgia province?)

Thanks, Arik, for looking up my trees. That was sweet. Maybe they are the same....

Wait. It snows in Kentucky? I'm from Utah. I don't mind pretty snow. Shoveling is good exercise in small doses. Small south facing driveways are best. I don't like dreary dark gloomy days or bitter cold. (why do I live here in Wisconsin? NO IDEA.) So San Diego would be your ideal place to live? Need suggestions. May truly be relocating.

I love your plan, and am totally on board. I can't stand what this beautiful country is becoming. Our founding fathers were so wise, and our Constitution is brilliant, but the liberals in charge now are wiping their butts with it, and I'm sick of it. I agree, Arik. Let them have their socialist utopia and run it into the ground. I would love to be part of a new country where people share my values and the love of the original US Constitution and our God given freedoms. I would love to live in a place where my rights and freedoms aren't being systematically stripped at an alarming rate. I want to be surrounded by like-minded, responsible, law abiding people who cherish their freedoms, family, and yes, their God and their guns. I wish we could create that, and wall ourselves away from all the Obamas, Pelosis, Reids, Moores, Bloombergs-the list goes on and on. I am tired of the propaganda from the left and the demonizing of good, law abiding citizens for their gun-grabbing agendas. I am tired of Obama wrapping himself in his executive orders to pass laws that are unconstitutional and aren't going to deter any criminal. Criminals don't obey laws- that's what makes them criminals. I'm tired of good people being made to feel like criminals because they want to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights and be responsible gun owners and protect their loved ones. I want to move to the new country of Texas, and start building that wall!

Can we include any of Florida? Southern Florida? We have good weather in the winter and hot Miami Babes all year round. Maybe we could be like an Annex or something.... South Texas? I'm not good with the imagining names so I am open to suggestions.

I suspect a large portion of the South would go along. You might have to move to the Panhandle, though. Let South Florida keep that Traitor Lebron...May his name be cursed unto the thousandth generation, or until he signs with Cleveland again, whichever comes first.