'Shared Wisdom' deals with 'struggle' to be happy

Updated 4:21 pm, Thursday, March 28, 2013

Alexandra Stoddard will talk about her latest book, "The Shared Wisdom of Mothers and Daughters," at R.J. Julia Booksellers in Madison on April 2 and Bank Square Books in Mystic on Friday, April 5.

Alexandra Stoddard will talk about her latest book, "The Shared Wisdom of Mothers and Daughters," at R.J. Julia Booksellers in Madison on April 2 and Bank Square Books in Mystic on Friday, April 5.

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Alexandra Stoddard's latest book on living well and in the moment is "The Shared Wisdom of Mothers and Daughters."

Alexandra Stoddard's latest book on living well and in the moment is "The Shared Wisdom of Mothers and Daughters."

Photo: File Photo

'Shared Wisdom' deals with 'struggle' to be happy

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Although they are often marketed as gift books for women, the work of Alexandra Stoddard is packed with information and guidance that can help readers of both sexes deal with the life and death issues we all face.

Stoddard is a teacher and a philosopher who passes along what she has learned from great writers as well as what her own life experience has taught her.

The Stonington Village resident's latest book is "The Shared Wisdom of Mothers and Daughters" (William Morrow, $21.99), which is subtitled "The Timelessness of Simple Truths."

The writer will be appearing at R.J. Julia Booksellers in Madison on Tuesday, April 2, and at Bank Square Books in Mystic on Friday, April 5. She is also set for a Westport appearance on Saturday, May 11, at Terrain.

Stoddard's books are compact and beautifully designed, but it's the words that count. She said in a recent interview that it is a struggle to boil her writing down to the size her publisher requests.

"There were a few bumps in the road. The publisher wanted 40,000 words and I submitted 92,000," Stoddard said, with one of the many chuckles that punctuated our chat. "I don't like to edit, I like to write."

At the root of many of the books is the achievement of that sometimes elusive state of mind we call happiness.

The chapter titles in her latest book include "Cultivate the Ideal Pleasure of Everyday Life," "Choose to Remain an Optimist" and "Surround Yourself with Stimulating People."

Stoddard believes you have to be mindful and try to live in the moment to be happy.

"Happiness is a struggle. You have to work at it," she said.

One of the keys to happiness, the writer believes, is to avoid wallowing in the past or focusing on things you are looking forward to in the future.

"Whatever phase we're in, these are the only days we have to live fully," she writes. "Nostalgia for the good old days is depressing and self-defeating because they are not ours anymore ... This is the moment we have in the palm of our hands. It is alive with potential."

The new book is being marketed to mothers and daughters, but Stoddard insists, "If I had sons, I'd give them the same advice."

The author presents a mixture of the philosophers and writers who have been important in her own life, but she is part of no organized movement.

"I'm a free thinker. I don't fall under any label or system," she stressed.

"Shared Wisdom" deals with the way relationships between parents and children can deepen once the offspring are living on their own as adults.

"This book is about relishing the fact that I no longer have children, I have these wonderful, caring adult daughters," Stoddard said.

The author respects writers with a darker vision, but has always been a glass-half-full person.

"A lot of writers deal in angst. I write in celebration. I have an ardent love of life which a lot of people don't. I'm not a Pollyanna, but I do what I can to be a part of solutions," she said.

As much as she tries to live in the right now, Stoddard is an old-fashioned person when it comes to technology.

She writes of the way that our many devices can interfere with being "present" with our friends and loved ones, if we insist on seeing if we receive any texts or emails during dinner. Tablets and iPhones can create an invisible wall that separates an owner from the real people sitting right in front of them.

She also prefers books in their original, physical form.

"I don't want people to read me as an e-book. I want them to hold the book in their hands. Smell it. Share it with your friends ... other book people," Stoddard said.