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As we have a thread for trucks and another for buses I thought it's about time we had a thread for all us two wheeled shite lovers. Feel free to lob up pics of your bikes, both past and present. Any amusing stories and tales of epic journeys are more than welcome.

I'll try & dig out some pics of my proper bikes (new & old) but in the meantime thought you'd all like this.

Bought in a job lot of 4 (from an august/senior member of this forum) its a Honda Kinetic 100cc scooter thingy; now very nearly ready for the road.

Kinetic? Yup Indian market only model, that seems to have been ridden all the way here form northern India. History shows it was ferried across from Northern Africa to Toulon! I fully intend to trace the prev owner to see if I can get the full story.

Early days of Eastern bloc touring on a Honda 750 - to Yalta. Impoverished ,but happy.

I moved on to lengthy sojourns in the sun, buying this on Samos (cheaper than renting for the summer)

Several months of untroubled tootling demanded I try to get it home. To my suprise the Greek Post Office were happy to send it by land for Ã‚Â£80 -so I handed it over on my last day there. 6 weeks later a call from French Customs in Dieppe (couldnt be Uk landed unattended) had me tootling across for several more years relaxing Uk bimbling.

SSU 721 -I wonder where you are now?

I moved on to BM's as my youth faded, and long distance comfort became increasingly important.My trusty K100Rs toured far & wide, (this pic on Elba) & is still ready to go today... Pity I'm not!

My European toy -sadly knicked in St Tropez, but now replaced with a black Blackbird

In those days Western motorcycles werent allowed into Russia. I had to agree to pay the wages of a personal Policeman to ride with me! Trouble was thier old Urals were no match ,so half the time I was riding their Police bikes whilst my western tat hooned up & down the road on one wheel! Bizarre!

My lasting 3wd memory;

Here's a small suprise/ present I built up for my (ex) wife whilst she was working away briefly. She took it with her when we split

I ran an old Beezer (650 o.i.f T/bolt)

whilst I rebuilt:

Jota was a truly wild beast that needed a Vauxhall Magnum Gel battery in top condition to give it any chance of starting. Still got the BSA, sold the Jota.Too much for me now....

Dont know if this counts -as a 3 wheeler?

Built this little treasure up

Before painting this & slipping it over the top (here its off to the paintshop on top of my Standard van)

to create thiswhich we secretly shipped up to Preston (from Sussex) to usurp the promised 'fabulous' wedding car I had promised my bride! She knew something was up when this puttered up the path to the church & reversed into the vestry (with Vicars blessing). Should have seen their faces!

The first fairly memorable journey I can recall was on my 1987 KH125. It only had third gear (at the time of the incident) and had a straight through RD250 Micron pipe badly attached.
Went to a party in Neston with a mate on the back, just to try and tap off with some bird I had the hots for who was going. Anyhow a bit of a fight was obviously looming against a sizeable party of plastic scousers who shall we say weren't overly keen on Chester lads. Especially ones who were there to tap off with 'their' birds.
So a stand off occurred, we got covered in beer then decided to do one as it was getting on top a bit as the Neston lot were getting agitated and there was only two of us.

Anyhow with barely a drop of ale touched we pissed off sharpish, bump starting and running with the bike and shot off down the A540 back towards Chester. As the road was really quiet we were just pissing about shouting to each other over the din of the Micron and weaving all over the road as we laughed about the nights proceedings. Everything was going fine then we got stopped by the law who were 'interested' in my riding manner and asked if we'd been drinking or were pissed. I suggested we hadn't (which kind of made us look a bit twattish due to smell of ale plus my riding manner) and the copper asked me to step off the bike.
As I did so the four cans of lager I'd had off fell out of my coat and dropped on the floor right in front of the coppers feet. The only thing to do was to burst out laughing and hope for the best. The copper was great, he laughed his head off, let us on our way and we got home tired, sober and aching with laughter.

"As for actually admitting to liking Corsas on a public forum: you're a bollock-brained, biscuit-eating, faux-northern, bastardy, bollocky, wank-brain"

A couple of weeks ago it ran perfectly, was a bit battered and scruffy but solid and looked OK from a distance. My first bike so maybe I have rose-tinted spectacles but it was brilliant. I remember it looked like this:

Alas, it now looks like this.

And will continue to do so until I find a suitable doner frame to replace the one that was written off last year by a previous owner. I'm really hoping I find one before I forget where all the bolts go.

It's a Kawasaki GPZ 500, not my first choice of bike but it was cheap and came with a years tax and test. It's the model with the iffy 16" front wheel so whether I gel with it remains to be seen. Needless to say it has totally pissed down since I bought it! The aftermarket exhausts are LOUD and it sounds more like some aincent Norton rather than a sensible middleweight sports tourer, earplugs at the ready!

Barry Cade. likes this

WARCRAFT. The only dealer network that GUARANTEES their cars WILL get you laid, and that's a PROMISE!

A couple of weeks ago it ran perfectly, was a bit battered and scruffy but solid and looked OK from a distance. My first bike so maybe I have rose-tinted spectacles but it was brilliant. I remember it looked like this:

And will continue to do so until I find a suitable doner frame to replace the one that was written off last year by a previous owner. I'm really hoping I find one before I forget where all the bolts go.

Thanks, I did see that one, been watching ebay ever day, alas I need a specific model (BR-K) which is 90-94 only. I bought an 89 frame (BR-J) which has crucial differences meaning that a lot of my parts won't fit including the rear subframe so that's going back up for sale.

On the plus side, I've just found a chap selling a whole BR-K on a J plate with a knackered engine so I've made a cheeky offer, waiting to see what he says.

Todays fun and games involve an exhaust gasket blowing on the right cylinder, not too hard to replace but it did make an awful noise. Whilst replacing the offending part (cost a quid) I noticed that the balance pipe between the exhausts doesn't fit properly. Looks like someone has had a few attempts to get it to fit without much success. Needless to say I bodged it with some exhaust bandage and I'll put my thinking cap on later to see what I can do to fix it properly.

WARCRAFT. The only dealer network that GUARANTEES their cars WILL get you laid, and that's a PROMISE!

Ah, thanks, that got me all excited for a moment. I emailed him, he'd had lots of enquiries but no-one had been to see it. There's good reason for that, I ran a check and it's a CAT B writeoff as well! See, I did learn! Never mind, can't win them all.

must get some pics of my bike shite,including my current MZ ETZ251,complete with goppingly un cool fairing,latest in a long line of MZs (think 2 wheeled Trabant!)

If anyone wants it before Mr S. Crapman, my sisters boyfriend dumped a Kwacker GT550 Shaft drive monster in my back garden when he got a Honda Benly, its rough but complete,with docs etc,wants Ã‚Â£100 for it.got a spare engine somewhere for it too.

I love a GPZ500. I've had two - both facelift models though so I've never tried one with the 16" front wheel. Great little bikes, quick enough for 95% of riding and a lot better on juice than a big sportsbike. Cavette, I'm 6'1" and never had any issues comfort-wise.