Every time you think of being near a Hijackal®, you get anxious. Why? Because the main purpose of Hijackal behavior is to win.

Recognizing chronically difficult people requires admitting that they not only like to win, they have to win. Yes, to win...and in all circumstances and at all times. Yes, they will give you the illusion of agreeing with you...but, only when it suits their purposes, or their longer "game."

Know one? I'm thinking you must because you've found yourself here on this page with me. You're ready to escape the Hijackal Trap.

It might be your partner, ex, parent, co-worker, or someone in any organization--family, workplace, government, court, church, community project, board, or association.

I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, and I coined the term, Hijackals™, to describe predictable patterns of behavior that drive you crazy…but you may not know why and how. That’s because everything they do or say seems somewhat plausible. And, that’s how you get caught in The Hijackal Trap!

If you are not strong in your personal sense of self or conviction—who you are, what you value, what you deserve, what you will and will not tolerate, what your inalienable rights are, you are more likely to become entangled with a Hijackal.

Here is my definition of Hijackal:

"People who hijack relationships--for their own purposes--while scavenging them for power, status, and control."

Now, do you know one?

If you feel hoodwinked, scapegoated, always wrong, always blamed, and powerless, you are likely in the grips of a Hijackal.

GOOD NEWS: Once you recognize the Hijackal behavior, you can immediately take steps to change it, and I can help you uncover these patterns, discover the causes, and recover from the emotional abuse they cause when they stay under your radar.

When you're first waking up to the fact that "It's not me!" it is a revelation. All this time you thought there was something terribly wrong with you.

"I'm not patient enough."

"I'm not kind enough."

"I'm not compassionate enough."

"I cannot seem to get the story straight or follow the plot."

"It always seems to be my fault that s/he is unhappy, unhealthy, unsatisfied."

"I should be more accepting, understanding, patient, thoughtful, considerate....."

Right? You blamed yourself for what was going continuously sideways in the relationship. Recognizing chronically difficult people is not always easy. One thing is for sure with a Hijackal: the problem--and the battle--is within them, not with you.

Their game is to keep you thinking everything is your fault! IT IS NOT! Sure, after you've been with a Hijackal for a while, you begin to build resentment, anger, and a sense of always being wrong. Sometimes, then, you react in ways you may not be proud of. That's on you, of course, But, you are later blamed for those reactions...eternally. You are continuously made wrong for those things by the Hijackal, endlessly reminded of slips you have made, and are doomed to more of the same until you agree with their low opinion of you.

You cannot win. You can never win...because a Hijackal MUST WIN!

You are on the path to becoming assertive and strategic. That is essential to leveling the playing field when your partner is a Hijackal. And, really, the game analogy is an accurate one. When one person in a relationship HAS TO WIN, it’s game on…forever.

You’re here, reading this. Great start! I can help you and I want to.

I want to for two reasons:

You deserve to breathe, to live fully, and to express who you are in life and relationships. You have difficulty doing this when you are constantly overshadowed by a looming Hijackal.

Your children NEED to be protected from Hijackal behavior and from chronically difficult people. You have to see it, believe it, understand it, and learn how to strategically encounter it for the best possible outcomes.

If all this is sounding way TOO familiar, great. You’ve on the path to change, to standing up on your back legs and saying “NO MORE!”

I am Rhoberta Shaler, PhD, The Relationship Help Doctor. I offer urgent and ongoing care for couples and companies globally. I am a relationship consultant and educator, speaker and author. For over thirty years in Canada and the United States, I have calmed the turbulence of troubled relationships. I offer the insights and pattern-breaking skills that lead to blame-free, game-free, non-manipulative relationships.

My specialty is working with the partners, ex, adult children, and co-workers of relentlessly difficult people.

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Testimonials

Chilled my bones when she said about trying to get you pregnant as means of control! Once I was pregnant (with twins), I suddenly felt terrifyingly trapped and it only dawned on me then.

Carrie

I enjoyed this program very much. There were tons of interesting anecdotes and advice and information. I feel like I gained a lot of insights and wisdom that will serve me well down the way in the future. I also feel like I met some really great people in my fellow classmates.

John

Dr. Shaler, you have just described my previous life!!! I was married to a hijackal for almost 20 years and left 10 years ago. It has taken me 10 years to recover, but I did. Where were you 10 years ago??? I so hope you can help others who feel trapped and crazy as I did. Thank you!

Christa DavisYoutube viewer

Coming from a non-functional childhood, being able to learn healthy relationship skills and techniques allows me to feel confident in myself as I grow. Thank you, Rhoberta, for your openness, skilll, and kindness throughout the program. I am confident the skills I have learned will make me a better person in all aspects of life.

Marie

I thought of you many times over the last period of time.

I want to express my thank you to you as you helped me very much in a period of time that was difficult for me and when I had no knowledge nor methods to overcome them alone.

Further more, I’ve read some of your books and conversations with you stimulated wonderful work on myself, which is ongoing.

Thank you so much.

T.T. Switzerland

My partner offered me your video.. however, I am mind boggled that it is her that is the Hijackal.. it all makes sense to me right now… I always knew that she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions and I am always to blame.. and eventually I started to believe her as I love her .. Oh my god! your video is incredible and enlightening.. I feel secure again within myself.

incredible and enlightening

My partner offered me your video.. however, i am mind boggled that it is her that is the Hijackal.. it all makes sense to me right now.. i always knew that she doesn’t take responsibility for her actions and i am always to blame.. and eventually i started to believe her as i love her .. Oh my god! your video is incredible and enlightening.. i feel secure again within myself.

FB Group member

Thank you Dr Shaler and may i just say, thank you for your work and your writings. You may have no idea just how much of a lifeline i have been thrown just by finding you and now your group.

FB Group member

I’m thankful you’re getting the word out, Dr. Shaler! It has made a life-changing difference for me.

FB Group member

I love you Rhoberta Shaler; you have given me such power, inner strength, wisdom and invaluable insights. Thank you!