Most coffee from a communal office pot tastes about the same. But I appreciate the special clarity that comes after you’ve poured out the last lukewarm dregs, sometime around 11 AM when it’s really too late to make another pot, and not even some clumpy non-dairy creamer can distract you from the bitterness of where your caffeine addiction has led you.

A 24-hour delivery service that brings a 2 Liter Diet Coke and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s right to your door. I would literally pay anything for this. Gold, jewels, literally anything. Like teeth. I would pay in teeth. Or bits of my soul. Seal pelts. A vial of hummingbird tears. Souls of the undead. Childhood memories. The One Ring. Bitcoin.