Heart Work First (Part One)

If you’re reading this, you’re probably calculating the date from my last post and this one. You may be thinking, “Why did she stop when she just started?” “It looked like she was off to a good start.” You may even be one of those generous people who allowed me to interview them.

Well… I’m ready to answer.

I’m not sure when it began, but it was small when I first saw it. I was quiet and shy as a kid so it was sort of like an imaginary pal. It kept this single-child company in crowded spaces and assured me that I didn’t need to make other friends. Used to being in my own little world, it made sense. One day, it went away.

It showed itself in waves over the past few years. I didn’t bother to give it a name since it never stuck. It was a familiar feeling so it was welcomed. Major mistake.

Last year was different. It decided to make it’s grand entrance. The tide washed in full force early January. It hit again in March. Then again in May. In June, it grew legs and was kicking like Bruce Lee. I was still “functioning” so everything was gravy, right? No. In September, it decided that it was the perfect time for a funeral. It came through someone I held dear to me and instructed them to finish me. By November, I just didn’t care anymore. I laced my fingers with it and followed wherever it led.

The year that cannot be named almost killed me. It crept up like that black tar-like substance that took over Spider-Man. I was trapped. Or so it thought…