A detailed look at the game of Dungeons & Dragons and all things related

Monday, June 2, 2014

5 Very Awkward Gaming Moments

If you spend enough time roleplaying, either as a player
or as a DM, you will eventually encounter a situation that is supremely awkward
or makes you feel uncomfortable. It is almost inevitable given enough
experience. After all, many roleplaying groups have at least one or two
outspoken/strong-willed members who aren’t afraid to say things or even do
things that would make the rest of us pale. Additionally, roleplaying is a
social game and sometimes being social means stepping to uncomfortable
situations or having awkward conversations.

So, I would like to share with you some of my own
experiences in the land of uncomfortable gaming to potentially aid you when
something similar raises its ugly head in your game. I’d also like to preface
this article with a perfectly good disclaimer: I am not a trained councilor or
psychologist. Even though I may give advice on how to approach these
situations, I fully accept the fact that my method and way of handling things
could be interpreted as incorrect by a professional. All I can say is, I’m just
an average guy with (what I think is) above average decision making skills.

Now with that out of the way, here we go:

1)The Racist/Sexist Remark

Now this event can vary greatly
depending on the group of people playing. I’ve had the experience of being a
member of an all-male group throwing out constant remarks about the opposite
sex that would make a feminist quite irate. Oppositely, I’ve also had the
privilege of running an all-female group of players where the jabs toward the
male half of the gender were coming fast and furious and more than one at my
own expense. I’ve also had the unfortunate experience of hearing what could be
considered raciest remarks in games and, to be perfectly honest, I myself might
have crossed a line or two in the past and I am regretful for doing so. I
really don’t believe that any of it was done with the intention of true hate,
just jokes and regurgitation of punchlines from famous movies to make the
others laugh. However, ultimately jokes and punchlines can still be sexist/racist
no matter what the excuse. So what do you do if you are present when something
like this happens? I think the big mistake here is to overreact. Berating your
fellow players or the DM may eventually happen but it shouldn’t be the first
reaction. To begin, I would speak up and let everyone in the group know that
you are uncomfortable with that kind of talk/language. Make it quite clear that
it is unacceptable to you. After that, I believe that most groups would be
responsive and follow your advice. If that isn’t enough, then your next step
might be to pinpoint who sparks these remarks and why. Once you discover the
cause you may just discover the answer and be able to diplomatically confront
it. Keep in mind that the people involved may not even realize what they are
doing!

2)The Temper Tantrum

This happens more often than you
think, especially among people who take their games very seriously. Maybe
they lose a favorite magical item, maybe someone else steals their kill, maybe
another player has ticked them off for the last time, or maybe their beloved
character has just died, etc. Whatever the reason, something sets them off and
the rant/tantrum is on like Donkey Kong! It’s also important to note that these
tantrums are not just confined to the players. I’ve also seen the DM go into
one of these episodes when things didn’t go exactly to his/her plan. These
tantrums are not only childish and futile, they can also seriously hurt the
group unity and decrease respect for a player/DM. No one feels good about
witnessing one of these and the awkward silence afterwards can really make a
player or DM question if playing with this person is really worth the effort.
If you are one of these folks or play with one of these folks my advice to you/them
is simple: give them a D&D timeout. If they want to act like children, then
they should be treated as such. Maybe
being temporarily kicked out of the group or stepping away from playing for a
few weeks may shed some light on the underlying issue. If the person truly
loves the game, then they might realize that playing with an even-temper is
more important than playing poorly and getting kicked out. Similarly, if they are
removed from the group for a time, they might realize that the cause of their
anger was the fact they never really liked playing in the first place! A
roleplaying time-out might provide just the perspective required.

3)The Couple Conundrum

Let me begin by saying this: I
really enjoy when couples play the game together. I think it is a good bonding
experience and an excellent opportunity for two people to spend some fun times
in a different atmosphere. However, the problems arise when the two people in
question bring their personal issues to the gaming table. I’ve had the
“pleasure” of witnessing at least two of these meltdowns in my career as a DM
and I really hope that I don’t get to see a third. The long and the short of it
is this: if you both need to step away from the table, or need to miss a few
sessions to work something out, then do it. Better to face the problems head on
and as soon as they happen rather than bottle them up and try to “play through
the pain” so to speak. It is extremely unfair to both the other players and the
DM if two people are spending the whole adventure “not talking to one another”.
Don’t let D&D and roleplaying be your excuse to put off something you need
to deal with. Also, if you are a DM overseeing this kind of a situation and the
couple can’t seem to get it together, perhaps you need to give them a push by
sitting down with them and expressing your concerns. You never know, they might
not even realize just how much tension there is between them and how much extra
tension they are making for the rest of the group until you bring it up.

4)The Grudge

This issue can arise between DM
and player, but it more often presents itself between player and player. This
is where someone is convinced that someone wronged them in the past, whether by
action or inaction, and now the trust between them is completely gone and only
the argument remains. “You remember that time you screwed me over?” or “Oh
sure, abandon me again!” or “Why are you never there when I need you?” and
other similar phrases are thrown around frequently. These grudges usually start
as small molehills but can grow into mountains over time. For example, I can
remember two players in the past that irritated each other to the point where I
had to ask one of them to leave the group. Their arguments and disagreements
over almost everything overpowered the roleplaying and left the other players
in the group feeling more like observers than players. In this situation, my
advice is for the DM to examine the underlying issue. If the cause of their
friction is being caused by something in-game, make any adjustments you can
even if you really have to go out of your way. Believe me, the headache of
making the necessary changes will be less than the headache of hoping it works
itself out. However, if the cause of the problem is something out of game such
as personal issues, school issues, work issues, or even something deeper like a
cultural, sexist, or racist divide, then I would personally stay out of it and
inform the players that they are not welcome at my table until these issues
have been permanently sorted out.

5)The Cheater

This one always confounds me
regardless of how many times I see it. One of your players suddenly rolls far
too well, or inexplicably has a few extra spells up their sleeve, or seems to
have an extra dozen hit points stored away in their backpack. Is this a
miracle? No, it’s good ol’ fashioned cheating and
nothing you can do as a player will piss your DM off faster. Now I can
understand why some people engage in this practice, it makes them the hero and
raises their status both in-game and as a player. But when the truth comes out,
and believe me the more you cheat the faster it will be discovered, your
reputation is going to be toast. The DM will suddenly be looking over your
shoulder every time you roll and your fellow players will start calling you out
on everything, even the things you are doing correctly. Put simply, it really
isn’t worth it. And, as far as I’m concerned, cheating goes against all of the
major principals of playing a game like D&D. The randomness of the dice,
the strategy of combat, using spells at the right time and for the best effect,
and even dying are all great parts of the game and need to be embraced, not
avoided. If you want to cheat, go play a PC game and fill your boots. If you
want to experience roleplaying, fly straight and carry on.

1 comment:

On the cheating front, in terms of good rolls its important to remember that sometimes it just happens. I was in a session where a player was rolling extremely well, and, when his 3rd nat 20 of a combat showed up, another player accused him of cheating. This was disproven when his rolling continued to be good despite handing his d20 to the GM, he borowed one of the GMs d20, and proceeded to used a cup to shake his dice before rolling to prove he didn't have practiced rolls. Fate simply choose to favour him that night.