Politico/Drudge Report Atomic Infinity Loop Finally Birthed

The clusterfucky relationship between Politico and Drudge Report reached new heights yesterday when Politico reported on the U.S. Attorney's Office of Massachusetts telling all of its staffers to stop smoking the Drudge.

Tragically, the notice was sent out to the U.S.O.O.M. (fun, right?) for all the uninteresting and wrong reasons. An IT organ-grinder named Paul Harvey, who - and get your best pissy I.T. Guy voice on - noted that he had to "to reformat/reimage two computers because the user visited the drudgereport.com site," and that if someone needed to get on Drudge, they still could. Just don't break his fucking computers, first, okay?!

Politico bakes this non-story of IT anal-retentiveness into NEWS like they do everything because of the obvious angle. Drudge is a "conservative-leaning" site and "Barack Obama critic" and thus, conspiracy! Inevitably, because of both Matt Drudge's bi-polar vanity complex and need to keep his relationship with Politico well fed, it stays the main headline on his site. For 19 hours now, going strong. And don't forget what a total and complete non-story this is.

Politico and Drudge have a symbiotic relationship, like those small fish that suck the bacteria off the bigger fish: the bigger fish gets cleaned, and the small fish gets fed, but really, one's getting rid of shit and the other's eating it. Matt Drudge needs Politico to break stories. Politico needs Drudge to link to their stories. And this has got to more or less be the mutant-psychic peak of their relationship: Politico breaks a story on Drudge, for Drudge to link to. It's Drudge's favorite kind of story, because he gets to flatter himself and take the cognitive dissidence route into thinking he was banned for being a badass, by the Government! He links to it, and Politico gets the hits on the story.

For those who were fortunate enough to not have to sit through Donnie Darko director Richard Kelly's so-bad-it's-good apocalyptic fetish dream Southland Tales, the movie ends when (SPOILER ALERT!) Seann William Scott shakes the hand of Seann William Scott, playing his clone-via-time-travel double. Stiffler meeting Stiffler rips a hole in the time-space fabric of the universe, and the credits start rolling over a Moby song or something. This is kind of like that, except the world goes on and all we have left to show for it is a news cycle that just made us all slightly stupider people. The upside to all of this is that we've seen through the other side of the fourth dimension, and we finally know what it looks like:

U.S. Attorney's office tells employees not to log on to Drudge Report [Politico]