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Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist

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Hi my husband had oral sex from a prostitute 2 weeks after

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Hi my husband had oral sex from a prostitute 2 weeks after i suffered a miscarriage. We have been together 6 years and married 4 months. He has never done anything like this before. He did it while away on business and says he was drunk, he was by himself. He says he was walking back to his hotel and walked past the massage place. I just feel so disappointed and humilated as our wedding was fantastic now i see it as a totally farce, i can't even wear my wedding ring anymore. Don't know what to do

It does make sense what you're feeling is in response to his behavior. You feel a sense of disappointment because you did not expect this sort of behavior on his part.

Of course, although he had stated he had done so while intoxicated, the behavior is still not to be excused lightly. Your sense of trust is also possibly on the line now and especially during a time when you have wanted more support after the miscarriage.

Sometimes marriage scares people and they realize that they miss a part of the freedom that unmarried life offers (even if you've dated for 6 years)

It would be important to find our from him if he had ever been unfaithful in the past.

If the two of you are interested and willing, couple's counseling can address many of the issues at hand. You have to realize that you did not do anything to make him act like that. It was his decision.

he has destroyed all my trust and he is not the person i through i knew. í feel so dissappointed in myself for getting him so wrong. He is devasted and told me himself 2 weeks after it happened. He tells me he loves me and has made the biggest mistake of his life and can't bear to live without me. But how could he do that to someone he loves - he would never hurt his paretns like that. How can he say he loves me when he obvioulsy doesn't. He wants to save the marriage to aviod people finding out what he has done because everyone thinks he is the world nicest person. He denies this and says he will tell anyone he just can't bear to be without me. I don't know if i can stay with someone who would do that

You did nothing wrong. How would you have known what a person is capable of? People can change even while in a relationship. You are not a mind reader. You did what a loving partner does- trust, love and rely on him for support.

No one is perfect including himself. It is a mistake and that is for sure. He should admit his behavior (although it is not needed for others out of the marriage to know about your business) If you do the couple's counseling you would learn a lot about him and that would help you decide where you want to go with the relationship. Trust is a very important issue in any relationship and at the moment you're very hurt and having a difficult time with this.

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