One of the best things about First Actuarial is they never listen to anything I tell them about marketing.

When I talk to them about the power of social media , they smile indulgently. When I suggest they promote their modelling tools as robo0advice, they cough apologetically.

But I have been hoodwinked. Within the dismal actuarial dungeons where spreadsheets hold sway, seeds of creativity emerge. As Leonard Cohen observed, there is a crack in everything – that’s how the light gets in.

Now before you get flicking, let me tell you about First Actuarial’s Defined contribution consulting team. They are not as other groups of people, they are very peculiar, very wonderful and to be cherished.

They are not as other actuaries, that is because by and large they are not actuaries. Alan Smith and Mark Riches run the team – they are Founders of FA, Antonia Balaam , Ian Barrett, Laura Chesson and Simon Redfern!

As First Actuarial’s Business Development Director, my job is to sell this lot to help you sort work out your pension strategy, implement the right plan for your firm and your staff and manage what you’ve got compliantly and in the best interests of all.

But I’m very sorry whenever I visit these good people in Tonbridge, Leeds or Manchester. They are far too busy, I want them for myself, I want their deep research into workplace pensions, I want their extraordinary technical knowledge and I won’t their sound judgement, good humour and all round goodeggedness.

Now they’ve decided to start churning out DC surveys that look as good as they read, I fear they will be more popular than ever.

So do the Pension Plowman a failure and don’t ring First Actuarial up asking for them.