The Last Time I Bought Cologne Was Three Years Ago

The last time I bought cologne was three years ago/Pimp the system or let the system pimp you (warning: real cheapery below lol)

Contrary to popular belief, you can get pretty much anything you want today or in the future, for free. The key is to figure out what exactly you want and figure out which company/store wants you to have more of it bad enough. Once this is done, you’ll find that the greed in many of these companies causes them to have exploitable workarounds or huge glitches in their matrices. The following are just a couple…please feel free to add any additional ones you’ve found:

Sephora – Sample bottles of cologne and perfume may not be a revolutionary concept. However, with the prices of stank a$$ fragrances averaging around $40-$65 in a recession….and for it being a bottle of something you thought you liked when you smelled it at the store…they become even that much more helpful. The workaround- simply tell the Sephora employee that you are having a hard time deciding between x cologne/perfume and y cologne/perfume or that you want to make sure it smells the same after a prolonged period of time. Ask for a sample bottle of both…then hit up the next Sephora across the street for two more.

Restaurant.com– You’d be amazed at what you can accomplish if you just plan ahead.Thought Restaurant.com’s promise was too good to be true? So did I. Then I realized why not…the first thing to get hit in an economoic slowdown is discretional spending..which includes eating out..and these restaurants KNOW they are hurting for business. The workaround- For every $25 worth of food at a fancy restaurant, only pay $10 using Restaurant.com’s pre-paid certificates. I know thats not free but damn near..

Nordstroms– Ok ok…this may not be suitable for everyone…BUT if you have no shame as I do, this is the holy grail for fashion. The workaround- What is that you say? Nordstrom’s return policy is that of not HAVING a return policy? I can buy things today and return them in 4 months – 5 years? No tags and fresh out the washing machine? Instead, I guess I should have titled this “The last time I officially bought clothes was 03′”.

Uh uh. Don’t judge me…

– TheBlackJew
(remember when I told you I was the cheapest man on earth?)