Friday, January 8, 2010

Day 6 - The Gift of Surrender

For the morning practice, all about strengthening my faith, I chose the mantra:

"I am safe in the Universe. Life loves and supports me."

But for some reason I just couldn't swallow the first part - I am safe in the Universe. My mind kept saying, "I don't feel safe - What about all those things that are out there to hurt me or my kids."

So, when I read today's focus: surrendering feelings and was asked what emotions I have deemed awful, scary, or unacceptable one major emotion came to mind: FEAR.

In the cleansing ritual, Debbie asked the following questions:

How old was I when I deemed this emotion unacceptable?

- I was very young.

How have I resisted fear?

- pushed it away, made excuses, ate, blamed/doubted those I trust, resisted fear with words, tortured myself by replaying scenes of fear in my mind, pinned labels on people, imagined ways I/my kids could be further terrified...

Then, as always, Debbie brought the hurt/vulnerability I had found into a place of wisdom by asking:

This realization affected me profoundly. I feel as if I am no longer holding the burning coals of fear and trying to run away from the pain, but rather that I have stopped, seen the coals for the first time, and let them go.