The Gollum Rap

Jonathan | March 9, 2002

Yo! Once I was a hobbit with an attitudeBut when Déagol got the Precious I told him "Dude!""Give that to us, my love, my gnarly man,If you do, then I'll be your biggest fan!"And then Déagol had to be a real wise-guy,The only answer he would give was a measly "Why?"I decided to give him another chance to be cool,Said: "'Cause it's my birthday and I wants it, and that gold makes me drool!"

Déagol responded with "I don't care,this Ring is mine now, and I ain't gonna share!""I gotcha Nintendo, and I gotcha a bike,And now at the Gladden Fields, you're goin' all psyche!""I spent all my greenbacks on pleasing Your Grace,I found this and I'm keepin' it, so IN YOUR FACE!"

Well, then with a sneaky smile and then a slight smirk,I asked him "Are you keeping it indeed, you idiot jerk?"Then I closed my hobbit hands around Déagol's throat,After he was strangled, I took the Ring back in the boat.I hid his body quite cozily, ain't tellin' you where,So be assured no one's gonna find him there!

I found out with the Ring on I could not be seen,I used it to be cruel, and I used it to be mean,They named me after the noise I often made,They may have kicked me out, but at least they were afraid!

Ssssay, my precious, up for a ride?We'll go find the Bagginss, don't let it hide!We wants the Precious, gollum, and we wants it now,We shall catch the Bagginss, but, preciouss, how?Putrid little thief - sss - is going to pay,Ssearch all the pocketses, keep it at bay!

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