In Defense of Yoga Pants (The Skinny Jeans Crusade Continues)

The Jeans Cupboard Category 1:

The Criminalization of Yoga Pants

Boots, feeling Brave and reporting for duty on The Skinny Jeans Crusade. Yup, your Badass Coffee Babe is here to dispel the myths that we allow others to sell to us regarding our own sweet body image. And, yes, I am ready to take on the Criminalization of the Innocent Yoga Pants.

It’s a factual truth that we are entirely too hard on ourselves regarding body image. I mean, come on, people. It’s ridiculous how self-critical we are when it comes to our bodily temple. We look in the mirror and think that we simply must have the perfect body and the perfect clothes according to societal and fashion standards. But for what? For whom?

And why? What’s the prize for having achieved some standard of Perfection? Would someone explain to me how all of this matters? Right? Isn’t true living more about who we are and what we say and what we do that really matters? Aren’t you tired of all of the self-imposed negativity? I, Boots, have had it with all of this bad-mouthing self-talk.

But there are those times when it feels good to feel hot according to our own personal Hot-o-Meter. Don’t we want to feel that inner satisfaction when our outer selves match who we feel like on the inside? And that our inner selves match who we feel like on the outside? Call it balance. Equilibrium. Stability. Sanity. Use whatever word in the lexicon that suits you, but I am calling it Being True to My Levi’s. All I am asking here is to be kind and to adjust your Hot-o-Meter. We all can’t fit into a size 2. That’s just factual. Be nice.

What with spending as much time as possible out in the woods and on the trail, I am the first to dispatch with outer artificiality . . . But I do believe in being okay with wanting my external to honor my internal. There’s nothing wrong with any of us trying to be our best selves.

So that is why I am here . . . dedicated to fitting our way through the spectrum of categories that defines our jeans wardrobe. I am thinking it’s time to get down and get real and exercise some humor. Why? Because maybe it’s time to take a real look at reality and poke a little fun at it at the same time. And I am thinking that it’s time to examine why we think we are “settling” when we wear our baggy, uni-sex pants with no waistline and no fasteners . . . what we fondly call our Yoga Pants.

Yoga Pants take on many different forms and prices. At the higher end of the Yoga Pants spectrum, you have your “fancy” pants that you buy from the expensive brands that advertise themselves as Authentic Yoga Pants. You know the kind. These are the pants that women pull on in the morning when they have to run to the store for half-and-half for their morning coffee. These pants are designed to look casually authentic, like the wearer is saying: “Attention all shoppers: I just left my hot yoga class (not true). . . and by the way, I paid a lot of money for these pants (true) so that is why I look so fashionable in my baggy pants with no fasteners.”

I realize that this is a heck of a lot for a pair of loose cotton knit pants to declare, but this is what some people believe. Really. I can’t make this up. These pants go for no less than $90 a pair, when on sale, and are no better than the leggings, the jeggings, the wide-legged sweat pants, or the solid-color pajama pants you can buy on the 90%-off sale rack at some bargain basement for $7.99. Call me cheap but I don’t need the little enlightened embroidered emblem on the back of my waistband to announce that my Yoga Pants are bonafide. Life isn’t this shallow. At least not for the Thinking Folk.

Can we all agree? All categories of shapeless pants without fasteners: they all constitute Yoga Pants. I care neither how much you paid nor from which boutique or bargain basement you bought them. They still come down to the simplest of terms: You just don’t want to put yourself into a pair of structured denim jeans with all of those restrictive zippers and pockets . . . which I think we can all agree that we are okay with.

Busting Through and Breaking Down the Gender Barriers of Yoga Pants

I remember this one boyfriend who belonged to one of my girlfriends. Let’s call him Brian. Brian was one of those men who thought he was a lot smarter than he actually was. I guess you could say that Brian thought of himself as an erudite person in Male Yoga Pants.

Brian sold himself as a “male kindergarten teacher” — much like the gender-assuming people who still say “female doctor” or “male nurse.” Brian was pretty proud of himself for having broken ranks and chosen a largely-female career.

In accordance with Brian’s Gender Infiltration, Brian wore Yoga Pants day in and day out. It’s not that Brian was heavy or unable to fit into a pair of denims. He was just lazy and couldn’t be bothered with fasteners. It wasn’t the best look for Brian, but who really cared. Certainly his young students didn’t care. And all of us in the Posse weren’t in Shannon’s shoes who had to look at Brian everyday in his sloppy pants.

I recount this story merely to emphasize that Male Yoga Pants, too, exist, and we can safely steer away from what we traditionally assume and think of as a a female-dominated fashion choice. Thank you, Brian.

So what the heck am I trying to say here?

Not a whole lot. It’s okay to wear Yoga Pants as your go-to fashion. It’s okay to want to be more comfortable than you feel in your Levi’s. It’s okay as long as you are okay with every thing associated with this conversation. Remember: there are no judges. Not even you. If you can dismiss The Pitiless Judge from the bench, you are miles ahead of many.

Boots’ Jeans Cupboard Takeaway:

Be who you are and become who you want to be.

Okay . . . I couldn’t resist adding some Yoga Pants that caught my fancy. If you are going to go baggy, you might as well make a statement. I think these Aladdin pants are fun, fun, fun! And you might as well make a statement with your comfort.

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