Glasgow Schoolchildren Mistakenly Given Fruit Instead of Cocaine During Break

Four schoolchildren from an inner-city primary school in Glasgow have been rushed to hospital having mistakenly consumed fruit during their break-time under the misapprehension it contained cocaine.

The emergency services were called to the school at 11am last Thursday to deal with the incident. Although no harmful side effects have been reported, the children are still being monitored for adverse reactions to unexpected nutrition.

The news has naturally shaken the local community, who have been left to wonder what kind of wicked person would introduce such a substance to a school environment.

A police spokesperson informed journalists that, ‘The children were all assessed to be in a normal state of poor to mediocre health, and were subsequently discharged’.