So, what are you going to do? It's Christmas, you're Jewish, you've already seen the good movies and the only restaurants that are open are Chinese. Better to laugh than to cry, right? Better to get yourself over to the 11th annual Kung Pao Kosher Comedy show in Chinatown. At eight performances in the New Asia restaurant during Christmas week, more than 2,000 Jews and others will nosh Chinese food, find respite from "Jingle Bells," and relish Jewish-themed humor that is heavy on guilt...

Time to celebrate The holidays are a time for celebration. What and whom do you value and celebrate the most? Many people enjoy the festive feeling of savoring champagne, especially during the holiday season. And what is the best thing to pair your favorite champagne with? That's easy: the person whom you love (or at least like) the most. And while we're savoring that wonderful nectar, it might be valuable (at least interesting) to know that a correctly opened bottle of...

Dear Abby: Oh, what a wonderful time of year! The air is filled with Christmas songs -- from "White Christmas" by Bing Crosby to "Jingle Bells" by the Barking Dogs. In my neighborhood, we've had a problem with one neighbor's dog barking all night. Several of us tried to ask the owner to please do something about it. Our pleas fell on deaf ears. We tolerated it until recently. After hearing "Jingle Bells" by the Barking Dogs, four of us neighbors had an idea. ...

The Women's Board of the Joffrey Ballet presented its 16th annual Nutcracker Family Dinner on Dec.8 at the Standard Club. Five hundred and seventy-five guests enjoyed a matinee of Robert Joffrey's take on Tchaikovsky's "The Nutcracker" at the Auditorium Theatre before being whisked to the club in festive trolleys for a family-friendly event. Activity stations offered face painting, customized graffiti T-shirts, holiday manicures, and cookie and cupcake decorating; Allegro...

By Text by Leigh Hanlon, a metromix special contributor | December 17, 2003

Q: What's the most annoying holiday song? "Jingle Bells" by those barking dogs. We have four dogs in our home and that song really sets them off. Carissa Vignocchi, 22 child-care worker "Jingle Bells," because it's bothersome and not very original. Anna Shur, 24 law clerk Any Johnny Mathis Christmas song. Andre Taylor, 29 retail stock person "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." It pretty much exhorts the mother to be a free...

There are some things that make you say, "ah yes, now it's the holiday season": Black Friday, Macy's holiday windows and Trans-Siberian Orchestra's holiday concert. Well, tell mother to get out her jingle bells because TSO is coming to town with a theatrical music performance of "Christmas Eve and Other Stories. " Why go: Because you've been rocking your holly jolly Christmas with TSO from "Christmas Eve and Other Stories" to "The Lost Christmas Eve. " Reconsider: If...

Here are my Top 5 holiday-season don't's: 1. Christmas icicle lights. Hanging beads went out in the '60s. Why bring them back? 2. Santa hats worn as winter headgear. Really, who looks good in frilly red and white besides the Grinch? 3. Guys who wear red and green ties as we get closer to the 25th. "Hello, fashion police hot line?" 4. Family-picture holiday cards from people on the peripheral fringe of friendship. I really don't want to toss this nice picture of your...

The title of the show says it all: Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's Wild and Swingin' Holiday Party. If you think your office holiday shindig sounds uncool, and your friends invited you to yet another boring cookie exchange, make this the only soiree you attend. Why not sweat off the indulgences of the season by dancing to the rollicking sounds of this Southern California outfit? Despite a waning interest in swing music since the mid-'90s, Big Bad Voodoo Daddy continues to roll out an impressive array of material.

The shots were ringing off posts Saturday and it was music to San Jose goaltender Steve Shields' ears. "It was like `Jingle Bells' in my head," Shields said of the Bruins hitting the post five times in the first period. "I guess it's better to be lucky than to be good." Marco Sturm scored the tying goal late in the second period as the Sharks extended their unbeaten streak to five games (4-0-1). Boston outshot San Jose 15-5 and led 2-0 after one period, but the lead could have been bigger.

The holidays came early for us in Tribuneland. We asked for some New Holiday Classics so we wouldn't get sick of the old ones, and you delivered a Santa's sack full of catchy, accomplished songs celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah and that snowy time o' year. We received more than 110 entries sent as YouTube links, often with elaborate videos. Some were a cappella efforts, some were of individuals singing with guitar or piano, some were professionally recorded band performances,...

Christmas is still five days away for many Ukrainian-Americans who, like others in the Eastern Orthodox Church, follow the Julian calendar and celebrate the holy day on Wednesday. As part of the celebration, students from St. Nicholas Ukrainian Catholic Cathedral School, 2224 W. Rice St., will carol at National Security Bank, 1030 W. Chicago Ave., at noon Friday, according to spokeswoman Diane Monk. The 20 girls from the 5th through 8th grades will don brightly...

I believe the holidays are as happy as you make them. I believe in snow. It's fine to curse the snow in January, February, March and May, but in December, let it fall. No matter what your friends in Florida say, the holidays are not better with flamingos. I do not believe in snow that turns to ice. At the office holiday party, I believe, you should chat with your colleagues' spouses, even if you don't know them, because they may know nobody and are probably very tired of...

That ubiquitous Yuletide song "Jingle Bells" actually begs the question: Just how much fun is it to ride in a one-horse open sleigh, or any kind of sleigh for that matter? That question can be answered at the Danada Forest Preserve. Sundays through Jan. 28, teams of draft horses will pull sleighs for 15-minute rides through the 783-acre forest preserve grounds, which offer the possibility of seeing varied winter wildlife. After the ride, a warming fire and refreshments will be available.

Consider this interpretation of "A Christmas Carol" as explained by actor Alex Goodrich onstage at the Neo-Futurarium: Spending lots of money is the key to your salvation. A moment later, Goodrich -- performing in "A Very Neo-Futurist Christmas Carol" -- decides he will make good on that plan by air mailing a goose (actually, it's just a humble turkey sandwich) to the pal of someone in the audience. We're doing it, he tells the crowd. "Tonight! Seriously!" It's one of the better moments in a...

Clutching their donated toys, young carolers sing for a Christmas Eve broadcast on WGN radio, in a 20th Century variation on the old custom of wassailing. In its different forms, wassailing has involved marching from house to house singing, drinking toasts around a bowl of punch, and even serenading the local apple trees to ensure a good harvest, but the universal spirit of the wassail can be found in the word's Old Norse meaning: "Be of good health." Holiday that "Jingle Bells" was written for: Thanksgiving.

The holidays have arrived, and you've decided to add swing to your jingle bells by hiring a musician for your party. But unlike shopping at the mall for, say, bath beads, finding a fine musician takes savvy -- more than sticking a CD in a boom box. Here's our checklist for finding the right player to make your merriment more melodious. Band aids. If you're trawling the Chicago branch of craigslist.org, search for "musicians" under "all services offered." You could...

There are some things that make you say, "ah yes, now it's the holiday season": Black Friday, Macy's holiday windows and Trans-Siberian Orchestra's holiday concert. Well, tell mother to get out her jingle bells because TSO is coming to town with a theatrical music performance of "Christmas Eve and Other Stories. " Why go: Because you've been rocking your holly jolly Christmas with TSO from "Christmas Eve and Other Stories" to "The Lost Christmas Eve. " Reconsider: If...

It's hard to shop for the holidays without encountering Johnny Mathis crooning about "The Most Wonderful Time of the Year" or Frank Sinatra swinging to "Jingle Bells." But if you listen closely, you may discover retailers are attempting to place their own spin on holiday music, putting as much thought into the tunes overhead as the colors on the walls and the ambience of the lighting. Musical attitudes vary, but most merchants agree on one thing: More than ever, they don't want to...

I like the seasonal music around the holidays. Really I do. But not in commercials. It's not because of religious objections we so frequently hear. I object because it is an affront to the senses. Every year we are assaulted with commercial jingles, set to the tune of "Deck the Halls" or "Jingle Bells," and others. How original! How creative! Must every company on the planet present its own version of this tripe? Are advertising agencies actually paid for this? Was Scrooge turned off by carolers in the...