Bittersweet

I am entering into what is technically my last week of college. I still need to come back and take a math class to actually get the piece of paper, but all of photography and other core courses are done. It is bittersweet. I should be excited, but I am not. I am going to miss the routine. I do not know what will be next. Originally I thought I could build up the farm business and if necessary, get a part-time job to off-set expenses, but that does not look like a possibility now.

So I am brushing off and polishing up my resume including both my old and my new skills and if I can find a decent paying part-time job, I will go for that and continue with the farming, but the chances of that happening are not looking too shiny.

So be it.

Going back through my old images from school assignments I realize just how much I have grown as a photographer. I have developed a style — a style that I will continue to foster and develop – a visual signature. I cannot get the photographer or writer out of my system. It is who I am – no matter if they will not make me any money. It really is not about how much money you can make is it? I know of lots of people that make a lot of money and are not happy or full-filled.

“At its best, the sensation of writing is that of any unmerited grace. It is handed to you, but only if you look for it. You search, you break your heart, your back, your brain, and then — and only then — it is handed to you.”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Annie Dillard

Doors will open. As Annie Dillard also said (I’m on an Annie Dillard kick), “I cannot cause light; the most I can do is try to put myself in the path of its beam.” Especially after this semester’s portfolio class, I have learned to find the light. I need to keep looking for the light because it is there and it is important. Yesterday was our graduating portfolio show. It was exhausting and I am glad it is over, but I was immensely proud of my portfolio.

For now, I need to refrain from looking at my old school work. I’ve got a few projects left to button up before next week so that will keep me busy. Plus Wally and I have plans to get a good bit done over the weekend. Hopefully we will be able to get our big garden tilled this weekend and then the fun begins!