CATHOLICS VS. CONVICTS T-SHIrT (FAT ENZO EDITION)

$20.00

You may remember the throwback (circa 1988), or perhaps you've seen the 30 for 30. But, our version of the iconic "Catholics vs. Convicts" (Notre Dame vs. The U) is so much better! Updated with a fresh, new message, with top-notch screen printing on 100% high quality cotton, you can order your future ACC Champions' crew neck tee today (w/ Free Shipping to the entire State of Florida)!

NFL | No F-ing Loyaltee (Facebook friendly version)

$15.00 - $17.00

​Look, regardless of which side of a particular issue you are on, one Rule is UNIVERSAL: ALL Protests ARE GREAT for T-SHIrT Companies! And, whether your idea of protesting is to kneel during the anthem prior to an NFL football game, or to boycott said game by refusing to watch, or to print an offensive political T-SHIrT -- that right is protected in the United States Constitution.​ We just might not have the right to use the NFL’s intellectual property. ANYWHO, if you would like to purchase this ridiculously offensive NFL (No F-ing Loyalty) tee, f-ing do it! It is your right. Next Sunday, rock this @FAT_ENZO Original!

FUCKN' WHITE PEOPLE T-SHIrT

$20.00 - $22.00

I've said it before, and I'll say it again - "Fuckn' White People!" They're the dumbest people on the globe and most of us here at FAT ENZO embody that statement; therefore, we can say it. Checkout FAT ENZO's own Tone Lo-Ki modeling this gem on the boardwalk in John's Pass, Floridumb. As you can see, there's nothing more attractive than the truth!

HALLOWAYNE T-SHIrT

$15.00 - $16.00

Michael John "Mike" Myers (born May 25, 1963) is a Canadian-born actor, comedian, screenwriter, director, and film producer, known for his run on Saturday Night Live from 1989 to 1995, and for playing the title role in the Wayne's Worldfilms (among others). Michael Myers is a character from the Halloween series of slasher films. He first appears in John Carpenter's Halloween (1978) as a young boy who murders his older sister, then fifteen years later returns home to murder more teenagers. Leave it to FAT ENZO to mash them up...HAPPY HALLOWAYNE!

Florida: State of IRMAgency | T-Shirt

$20.00 - $24.00

While Florida is bracing for a Cat 6 hurricane, FAT ENZO would like to comfort you with a one of a kind #TSHIT of epic proportions. It's a STATE OF IRMAGENCY! Get these while you can. Offered in heather gray and sand, 60% cotton/40% polyester - super soft lightweight tee. Shipping is FREE to FLA.

DRIVE THEM OUT T-SHIRT

$20.00 - $24.00

Have you ever been affected by Terrorism? Your flight’s been delayed at the airport and you just got frisked for a little too long and thorough, for having a beard that’s a little too long and thorough. It’s time to fight back. The POTUS said is best during his speech in Saudi Arabia - "Drive. Them. Out. DRIVE THEM OUT of your places of worship. DRIVE THEM OUT of your communities. DRIVE THEM OUT of your holy land, and DRIVE THEM OUT OF THIS EARTH.” Rock this BRAND NEW soft, cotton white ANTI-TERRORISM #FATENZO #TSHIT hot off the presses. | FREE SHIPPING ON ALL ORDERS TO CONTINENTAL U.S.A.

GRAM PARSON "JOSHUA TREE" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Gram Parson, musical investor, lover of very fashionable attire (i.e. Nudie Suit), died on September 18, 1973, in room eight of the Joshua Tree Inn, near Joshua Tree National Park. Parsons' body was partially cremated. His charred remains were recovered and returned to his family. Parsons' remains were later buried in New Orleans.

"HOOKED ON PHYSICS" EINSTEIN TEE

NEW YORK SHITTY TEE

HUNTER S. THOMPSON "HAPPINESS IS A WARM GUN" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

He was one of the greatest American writers of all time. Also, an avid gun enthusiast, Hunter S. Thompson allegedly took himself out with a gunshot to the head—at Owl Farm, his "fortified compound" in Woody Creek, Colorado, at 5:42 p.m. on February 20, 2005. Rolling Stone published what Doug Brinkley described as a suicide note written by Thompson to his wife, titled "Football Season Is Over". It read: "No More Games. No More Bombs. No More Walking. No More Fun. No More Swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitchy. No Fun — for anybody. 67. You are getting Greedy. Act your (old) age. Relax — This won't hurt."

ROBIN MOTHERF@#KN' WILLIAMS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Robin Williams (July 21, 1951 – August 11, 2014) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, director, producer, writer, singer and voice artist. Starting as a west coast stand-up comedian in the mid-1970s, and, after rising to fame as Mork in Mork & Mindy (1978–82), Williams went on to establish a career in both stand-up comedy and feature film acting, i.e. Popeye (1980), The World According to Garp (1982), Good Morning, Vietnam (1987), Dead Poets Society (1989), Awakenings (1990), Hook (1991), The Fisher King (1991), Aladdin (1992), Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), Jumanji (1995), The Birdcage (1996), Good Will Hunting (for which he won the 1997 Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor), etc...Known for his improvisational skills, William also received two Emmy Awards, six Golden Globe Awards, two Screen Actors Guild Awards, and five Grammy Awards throughout his career. He's Robin Motherf@#kn' Williams. And you should recognize his greatness.

JACKIE'S O-FACE TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Jacqueline Lee "Jackie" Kennedy Onassis (née Bouvier; July 28, 1929 – May 19, 1994) was the wife of the 35th President of the United States, John F. Kennedy, and First Lady of the United States during his presidency from 1961 until his assassination in 1963. And, an "o-face" is a loose term for the face a person makes when they orgasm. Put the two together and what do you get? A truly ignorant FAT ENZO T-SHIT.

SALT FACED TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

SALT FACED - a level of intoxication one can only achieve by living a drunken, debaucherous beach lifestyle.

The inspiration behind the SALT FACED logo is none other than the illustrious Ben Coletti - whose ridiculous beach lifestyle is the stuff of legend amongst tourists and locals alike, in the Village of John's Pass, Madeira Beach, FL. This logo was created from a photo taken of Mr. Coletti at a point of intoxication almost unsurpassable. In the middle of a sun-filled day with at least 100 Bud Light beers under his belt, he turned to the camera with the look of complete and total inebriation and a dumb enough wit to somehow keep it all together.

It is also important to note that, Alexander Benjamin Coletti, at no point whatsoever, had anything to do with the creation or conceptualization of this witty, awesome T-SHIT graphic. And, his face can easily be substituted for that of Earnest Hemingway, if FAT ENZO sees fit.

TOMMY D TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

This little guy is a cartoon depiction of Thomas Anthony DeSimone (May 24, 1950 – disappeared January 14, 1979), also known as Tommy D, a Sicilian-American gangster and associate of the Lucchese crime family in New York City. DeSimone was a grandson and nephew of Los Angeles mob bosses, Rosario DeSimone and Frank DeSimone, respectively. He was married to Angelica "Cookie" Spione, but had many mistresses, including Theresa Ferrara. In Martin Scorsese's film Goodfellas, the character Tommy DeVito (portrayed by Joe Pesci) is based on DeSimone. More to come in this series.

GRAM PARSONS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Ingram Cecil Connor III (November 5, 1946 – September 19, 1973), known professionally as Gram Parsons, was an American singer, songwriter, guitarist, and pianist. Parsons is best known for his work within the country music genre. Besides recording as a solo artist, he played with the International Submarine Band, The Byrds, and The Flying Burrito Brothers. Since his death, Parsons has been recognized as an extremely influential artist, credited with helping to found both country rock and alt-country, worthy of a FAT ENZO T-SHIT.

ORIGINAL IMMIGRANTS SHOESHINE TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

This NYC streetwear-style tee, depicts a shoeshine boy practicing his craft...a common job amongst immigrants and the children of immigrants of the early 19th century. Rock this tee if any of your kinfolk ever owned a shine-box!

NIXON "I AM A CROOK" TEE

"YOU LEARNED THE TWO GREATEST THINGS IN LIFE" GOODFELLAS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Been there. Done that. Did my time like a man. Got the FAT ENZO T-SHIT! Take it from Jimmy Conway, "Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut!" Henry probably should have taken Jimmy's advice.

"WAKE UP, HENRY" KAREN HILL TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Goodfellas (1990) directed by Martin Scorsese is THE best movie ever made, ever. Fucking ever! Everybody needs a Goodfellas tee, and every "Goodfella" needs a Karen sitting on their chest with a gun pointed at their face, once in a while.

MARK TWAIN TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Samuel Langhorn Clemens (AKA Mark Twain) was the first author to write in the "American language." His lecture circuit performance was the predecessor to what is now know as standup comedy. What a fucking pimp.

KOSHER SALT LIFE TEE

HONEYSHROOMERS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

The Honeymooners was an American sitcom, which was filmed in front of a live studio audience. Debuting as a half-hour series on October 1, 1955, the show stars Jackie Gleason, who plays Ralph Kramden - a bus driver for the fictional Gotham Bus Company based out of Brooklyn, NY. He is never seen driving a bus (except in publicity photos), but is often shown at the bus depot. Ralph is frustrated by his lack of success, and often develops get-rich-quick schemes. Ralph is very short tempered, frequently resorting to bellowing, insults and hollow threats, such as, "To the moon, Alice!"Alice in Wonderland is an 1865 novel written by English mathematician Charles Lutwidge Dodgson under the pseudonym Lewis Carrol. It tells of a girl named Alicefalling through a rabbit hole into a fantasy world populated by peculiar, anthropomorphic creatures. What if Ralph Kramden gave Alice the magic mushroom, which propelled her to that fantasy land...it'd be an interesting FAT ENZO mashup, to say the least!

FLORIDIOT RICK SCOTT TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

The 45th Governor of Florida, Rick Scott, is a tremendous scumdouche of epic proportions. A carpetbagger from the midwest, Dick made all his millions from running pill mills throughout the state of Floridumb.. He's the quintessential Oxy-moron. And he's earned his moniker: FLORIDIOT.

FLORIDIOT DEBBIE WASSERMAN SCHULTZ TEE

FALE UNIVERSITY (FU) TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

FAT ENZO didn't attend college, because he's a dog. But, he's still our mascot despite being such a stupid bastard. Now, Yale University has a bulldog as their mascot. We're not quite sure of Fatty's breed, but if we were an institute of higher learning, FAT ENZO would be an unscholarly drunkard, carelessly doing keg stands and motor boating sorority sisters. Wear this T-SHIT to a frat party! #FratEnzo

EMOJI PENTAGRAM TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

The Pentagram is a symbol of a star encased in a circle, always with 5 points (one pointing upward). The upward point of the star is representative of the spirit. The other four points all represent an element; earth, air, fire, and water - which comprise us all.

​To wear a pentagram T-SHIT, is to say you feel the connection with the elements and respect the earth, not satan. Although, satan is pretty fucking cool. (Besides, he’s a softy - always texting back and forth w/ emojis).

HUEY LONG TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

He was born, Huey Pierce Long - the greatest American dictator this country has ever known. He was Senator and de facto Governor of Louisiana at the same time. The state militia was his person army. He demolished the old governor's mansion and built a new one, which looked like the White House. He built all the roads and bridges, and took Louisiana out of the muck. He called himself, "The Kingfish," and he had a motto - "Every Man A King" (but only one king wears a crown).

DON'T FUCK WITH JESUS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

It should probably read, "Don't Fuck w/ 'the' Jesus," because the idea kinda sorta came from that scene in The Big Lebowski where John Turturro utters those same beautiful words. But, somewhere along the line - the concept morphed into this ridiculous scene, which takes place at the exact moment that Judas is about to betray his teacher with a kiss for thirty pieces of silver. What if Jesus knew the setup was about to go down, and instead of going easily to his death - he had a little surprise for a Judas (who looks surprisingly similar to the actor who played Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar).

KEVIN BACON TEE

TED BUNDY TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Ted Bundy was an American serial killer, kidnapper, rapist, and necrophile who assaulted and murdered numerous young women and girls during the 1970s. Bundy was regarded as handsome and charismatic by many of his young female victims, traits he exploited to win their trust. Shortly before his execution, after more than a decade of denials, he confessed to 30 homicides. He died in the electric chair at Raiford Prison in Starke, Florida, on January 24, 1989. Biographer Ann Rule described him as "... a sadistic sociopath who took pleasure from another human's pain and the control he had over his victims, to the point of death, and even after." He once called himself "... the most cold-hearted son of a bitch you'll ever meet." Attorney Polly Nelson, a member of his last defense team, agreed. "Ted," she wrote, "was the very definition of heartless evil.” Obviously, FAT ENZO doesn’t condone murder - just cold-hearted sarcasm.

BUKOWSKI "DON'T TRY" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

The second of two, this Bukowski design captures the main symbolism embodying Chuck. The double-negative below was a favorite saying of the late, great L.A. author - "Don't Try." What's the positive way to say it, friends? "DO."

Black, white and gray print on soft, natural 100% cotton tee. "Made in a Sweatshop in the U.S.A."

BUKOWSKI "DON'T TRY" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

The first of two, this Bukowski design depicts Charles' in all his glory. The phrase below is etched into the great L.A. writer's tombstone - "Don't Try." For what's the positive way to say this double-negative, friends? "DO."

Black print on soft, white 100% cotton tee. "Made in a Sweatshop in the U.S.A."

GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

"Do you know what it takes to sell real estate? It takes brass balls to sell real estate. If you wanna go out there tonight and close, it's yours. If not, you're just gonna be shining my shoes." Alec Baldwin recites it best. One of the greatest monologues of all time. "YOU CALL YOURSELF A SALESMAN, YOU SON OF A BITCH!?" Then you need this FAT ENZO T-SHIT.

BOBBY KENNEDY TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Robert F. Kennedy was the fucking man. And so was his brother Jack. The most powerful time the following quote was uttered, was at Bobby's eulogy by brother Teddy - "Some men see things as they are and ask, why; I dream things that never were and ask, why not." Powerful quotes deserve to be turned into powerful T-SHITS.

NYC MAYOR BILL de BLASIO "BILLY BLAZE" TEE

ROBERT DE NIRO TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Robert De Niro is a quarter guinea, a quarter mick, a quarter kraut, and a sprinkle of frog, limey and cheesehead - but he was granted his Italian citizenship by the Prime Minister, on behalf of the Italian Republic despite a strong opposition of the American-Italian community. Needless to say, FAT ENZO hearts this Goodfella.

JOEY RAMONE TEE

CHARLIE SHEEN "SCHWINNING!" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

Beach cruisers are the best bikes in the world. When Bobby Pickles was living in NYC, he would ride his Schwinn to work even in the snow. Hey, you know what's also awesome -- Charlie Sheen! What if Charlie Sheen was riding a Schwinn (and rode it in a similar fashion as the Pee Wee's Big Adventure cover).

MUHAMMAD ALI "GOAT" TEE

$20.00 - $22.00

He was the GREATEST OF ALL TIME - the most intelligent boxer to ever grace the world's stage. The creator of the rope-a-dope. Spiritual. Original. Orator. Rock this tee and show some respect! A true legend. Prophet.