9 comments:

((hugs)) I can't explain it except to guess that they are in very different places in life. I am wondering if they know of your loss? if so, I can't imagine sharing something that would be so painful for you....if they don't know, I would guess that they are close friends in need of support, either way, it can't be easy for you. ((more hugs))

I wish I had words to give you. It's such a challenging situation. Everything that is coming to mind sounds judgemental and (for lack of a better word) selfish. Maybe just letting your friend know that you care for her, and that while her decision is her's alone to make, it is hard for you to accept that she is giving up what it is that you want so badly. Even that sounds kind of iffy. I guess I'm really not much help.

I'm not sure. Intellectually, I understand some people feel the need to make that choice but I have a much harder time being accepting of it since I went through infertility (well, except for medically necessitated ones and I don't even question that). {{{Hugs}}} and I am so sorry you are having a rough time right now.

While I am pro-choice, when I was TTC, I probably would have felt hurt, angry and shocked to have a friend choosing to abort while we were so desperate for a baby. However, no baby should be unwanted or wanted for the wrong reasons.

The U.K. has the highest rate of teenage pregnancy in Europe, possibly because it also gives housing benefit to them. Some are becoming pregnant on purpose to get away from their parents and have their own apartment. They also get child benefit once the baby is born.

It makes me feel so bad for children of children: to see a bunch of kids standing around in the mall, smoking cigarettes, with their babies' strollers pushed to one side. I know I'm getting away from the point here....

I think that if you know your friend has thought it out carefully and decided that she isn't equipped for parenting, then don't look at it relatively to your own infertility. Support her need to make that choice. Tell her to not care what everyone else thinks, as you said about your own decision to stop trying to conceive. It's better to be true to herself, or she could have an unwanted baby who turns into an unloved child.

Best of luck with your doctorate program. It's obvious that you have a real passion for it, which is the best way to start any career. Everyone should be so lucky!Lisa (ICLW #195 Your Great Life)

As an infertile who had an abortion before we knew of our fertility problems--be there as much as you can while still caring for yourself. If they are aware that you're dealing with infertility or re-imagining you life after ending TTC, then they should be able to accept you pulling away for a bit.

Trust me, it's not an easy decision to come to, nor is the process itself. I have mourned for that child every single day, but the child would have been severely handicapped, if it survived at all, due to meds I was on when it was conceived. Our birth control failed. Now that we can't conceive on our own, I wonder daily, sometimes hourly, if infertility is our punishment.