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What is the next step when you've done all of the above but your SO still refuses to accept? Do you tuck your physical desires under the rug, cheat, or get a divorce?

I did options 1 and eventually 3. My ex and I finally opened our marriage up after 20 yrs of him knowing I was a flirt and bisexual. But we lacked knowledge about how to work being poly, and it was a disaster. For that and other reasons, we split.

Now at 55, I am living the poly life fairly successfully w a female primary partner who's been poly all her life, and it's great. She's brutally honest about her past sexual life and current needs and I am encouraged to be as well. It's work sometimes, but very rewarding, fun and sexy.

__________________Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley

Cross that bridge when you come to it, and don't make assumptions about where things will end up ahead of time, because the truth is you have no way of knowing. Remain positive, loving, and open. If in the end, after being totally open and honest with each other, you find that you cannot pack away your physical desires, then talk about it, and do what's right by your partner and your situation. I doubt that if you and your SO are in a place where you can comfortably communicate on the deepest level you'll WANT to divorce. Surviving that kind of communication creates a bond few things can sever. I think most of us are poly because it's the most sensible solution to the fact that human beings are innately promiscuous (whether sex, love, or both) yet live in a society driven by material possession and property transference, which has, since its very inception, depended on monogamous legal relationships - IE the institution of Marriage.

SvartSvensk: you're right. The bridge was crossed two months ago, and it wasn't pretty. It's difficult to hear you've been asked to either continue keeping your thoughts to yourself or face being asked to move to your mother's basement. Relationships are a two-way street. If he genuinely worked on meeting my sexual needs or accept me for me, I wouldn't find the need to stray. The traditional institution of marriage is only as good as what you are willing to put into the relationship. I am resentful of his unwillingness to be creative or come up with new ideas on his own. We've become roommates as a result, and he seems fine with that. That's not enough for me. A woman in her early 30s needs passion, intimacy, and the ability to be vunerable with someone you love. When I find the courage to move on, I will. Until then, I'll work on me to find inner peace.

SvartSvensk: you're right. The bridge was crossed two months ago, and it wasn't pretty. It's difficult to hear you've been asked to either continue keeping your thoughts to yourself or face being asked to move to your mother's basement. Relationships are a two-way street. If he genuinely worked on meeting my sexual needs or accept me for me, I wouldn't find the need to stray. The traditional institution of marriage is only as good as what you are willing to put into the relationship. I am resentful of his unwillingness to be creative or come up with new ideas on his own. We've become roommates as a result, and he seems fine with that. That's not enough for me. A woman in her early 30s needs passion, intimacy, and the ability to be vunerable with someone you love. When I find the courage to move on, I will. Until then, I'll work on me to find inner peace.

Erin, I'm sorry to hear that things have gone that way between you and your SO... A lot of times people don't realize what they had until it's gone - he may wind up feeling exactly that, especially with your "roommate" status.