I had a pair of shoes in year 7 in school that caused me to get bullied for a year. I wanted Rockport but we couldn’t afford that so my folks got me a pair of Ravel loafers with a buckle, very nice shoes that just two years later would become a mainstay in school life for all the knobheads. The abuse I got from day one was hurricanous. Looking back though I have to congratulate the bullies for the words they used to describe my shoes. These words lit a bush fire of intrigue for me to use words that shouldn’t be fucking used together shithole monsters anal river. Two of my favourite names that these total wipeout amoebas used to describe my shoes were thus: