Monday, May 24, 2010

We all love food. We spoke about food. This is a two-part rule. In part one, I'm dealing with kinda the way our government deals with illegal immigration: Nobody obeys the law, so now we'll talk about exactly in what ways you can break the laws, ok? So... without further ado, let's take a look at Part 1:
Since eating in your rooms seems to be going to happen, let's deal with that: Please return all dishes, glasses, etc to the kitchen. This should be done in the same century in which the food/drink was consumed. And before the leftovers sprout new life forms.
Part 2:
Let's be sure to scrape all excess/leftover food into the garbage can. It's right in the kitchen, the same distance you traveled to get said food.

Penalty: I really mean this one. Really. If I find food fossils in bedrooms, guess what will be on the dinner table the next evening.Also, if I look in the sink and see a buffet in the drain strainer, guess what will be on the menu the next night.Get it?

Five months after the death of actress Brittany Murphy, her husband, British screenwriter Simon Monjack, was found dead Sunday night in the couple's Hollywood home, according to the Los Angeles County coroner's office.

Monjack, 39, was pronounced dead after the Los Angeles Fire Department was called to the residence for a medical emergency, say authorities. Police spokesman Sgt. Louie Lozano said the preliminary cause of death was natural causes, but investigators remained at the scene.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Ok, I figure it's a privilege to have a TV in your room. When one is done watching said TV and leaving the room, please press the little button that says "Power". This will turn the TV set off and cease to consume vast amounts of electricity.

Failure to adhere to this request will cause the Relocation Rule to go into effect.

Relocation Rule:If above rule is not followed properly, TV set will be relocated to Ebay.com. Dad needs golf clubs.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

1. Clothes can only move if they're attached to your body. They will not magically fly up off of the floor by themselves, and the stationary bike is truly not part of the closet. The hamper has been placed there, not to cover a spot on the floor (although there are plenty of those), but rather to collect those garments no longer feasibly wearable.

Since you are now conceivably (pardon the pun) old enough to have children of your own, thou shalt assist with the laundry. And by assist I mean do one step more than making the clothes dirty.

I am now the full-time father to three kids again. I'm feeling quite good about that. My life is improving daily because of the time I spend with them.

I'm also becoming very aware of the need for some Law and Order in the household. I was a kid once, and I remember doing nothing unless I was told. I also remember doing things once I was told forty to fifty thousand times. We all have similar memories, as long as we weren't raised by the US Marine Corps.

I like to parent rationally. I like to try and do things right. So, naturally, I'll be asking for feedback from some of the smartest (and most susceptible to sucking-up) people I know. Ready, set, GO!

Sunday, May 16, 2010

The electronic age has done nothing if not accelerated our immediate gratification demands. But something good happened, and I'm not too sure what to do.

I got an email from a good friend the other day. What she took time to write absolutely floored me (in a very good way). She was just so gentle, kind, compassionate and caring that I was very choked up by the whole thing.

It took me quite some time to read. And then it took some more time to digest and appreciate the time it took for her to compose such an incredible outpouring of love for me. I love my friends, one and all.

Now typically, if I get an email requesting info, or asking a simple question, if I have the answer at hand, I shoot right back. But there are occasions such as this, where I want to sit back and reply just as deeply from the heart. I don't want to just say, "thanks!" It takes a while, usually, but people are seemingly so impatient these days, that the window for a reply seems to have shrunk to minutes.

Now this doesn't apply here. She knows me well and knows I'll be writing back. But what do you folks normally do? Do you send a "Stand by for Reply" message, similar in theory to a "SAVE THE DATE" notification?