Month: January 2011

“Some failure in life is inevitable; it is impossible to live without failing at something unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all, in which case you fail by default.”

~ J.K. Rowling

The fear of failure is paralyzing. It is much like a parasite that sucks all of the hope, determination, and courage out of you; chipping away at your will to succeed little by little, day by day, obstacle by obstacle. But much like any debilitating illness that takes a hold of your body, there is a recovery process. It may take longer than you think to get there but the key is wanting it bad enough and keeping your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel.

It is safe to say that we are all going to fail at some point in our lives. It is both what we do with, and how we chose to perceive that failure that determines whether it will cripple us or make us stronger. Where some people get off track is in perceiving any moment of failure as anything but a much needed step forward in our road to success. If we never fail it means we have never taken any risk and that we have always played things safe. But playing it safe isn’t really living.

We need failure. Yes it causes us to doubt ourselves, to lose sight of our purpose, even to think about giving up altogether. But it also brings about a realization. It humbles us while strengthening us. It breaks us down and then builds us back up. It renews our fight and determination to achieve the things that we really want out of life. Without our failures we might never truly appreciate or grasps the depths of our successes. If you are afraid to fail then you are essentially afraid to live because in living your life to its fullest potential, failure is inevitable.

For a large part of my life I have let the fear of failure immobilize me. Always trying to remain cautious; using the excuse of maintaining a routine as a reason to ward off change, all the while staying stuck in the same place because of it. From here on out I am not going to be so afraid to fail that I never even try to succeed. Instead I plan to embrace my failures, every single one of them, because they all mean something. Whether it is something good or something bad, it is a lesson nonetheless. Our failures show us what we did wrong so that we can finally get it right. If anyone reading this is struggling with this same fear, let go of it right now. It is that fear of failure that is killing your opportunity for success. Take a risk today, and if you fail, take another one tomorrow. What else do have to lose? Think about what you stand to gain.

There is something to be said for the lessons that our children teach us without us even realizing it. My daughter may just be the most positive and completely optimistic person that I have ever had the pleasure of coming in contact with. She doesn’t like to think of anything in the negative, she doesn’t like to see people upset or crying and she’s so sensitive. However she is also incredibly smart and has a remarkable way of seeing things from a very unique prospective.

Today we were in the car and I had just told her that she couldn’t have something that she kept begging me for. Finally she stopped begging but then when I looked back at her she had a massive frown on her face and looked to be pouting which drives me crazy. When I asked her what she was frowning about, fully prepared to give her one of my “with all of the things you have to be grateful for you’re going to frown over this” speeches, she simply, and with such a positive tone in her voice, replied “I’m not frowning I’m just resting my smile”. What could I say in response to that? She had once again found a way to turn a negative into a positive. The thing is, this isn’t the first time that she’s said this but for some reason I heard it differently today.

My day had been full of nothing but stress and worry about things that I honestly have no immediate control over and I have most likely had a frown on my face all day long and when she said that it really made me think. That’s the attitude we should have as we go through life; always optimistic, turning negatives into positives even when that’s not the true reality. Always resolving to not frown but simply to rest our smiles while the worry passes and the stresses evaporate. Why is it that we can’t grasp a concept that children seem to have mastered?

The thing about children that I love so much is that they see things with such a broader scope, whereas adults seem to have adapted to seeing things with such a narrow view. With us it either is or it isn’t and somehow we miss the possibility in between. I am guilty of losing my optimism when overcome with and beat down by day to day worries and stress. On those days I tend to find the negative in almost anything and it seems as if every moment of the day is some kind of struggle that consumes me. I get so wrapped up in that struggle to get through instead of taking stock of the little blessings that fall somewhere in between those moments. Looking forward I think that when we get worried, when we struggle, when we obsess over the obstacles that we can’t really control, we shouldn’t dwell in the negative. We shouldn’t frown but simply rest our smiles until the storm passes by.

Like this:

“The big secret in life is that there is no big secret. Whatever your goal, you can get there if you’re willing to work.”~ Oprah Winfrey

Once again it’s a New Year, with new goals, and new hopes, maybe even new dreams, or at the very least old dreams with new methods for attaining them. So what is your game plan for this year? Have you even made one yet? Or are you just expecting that the things that you want for yourself this year are just going to magically happen on their own. If that is the case, I am sorry to tell you that you may just be waiting on those dreams and goals for a very long time. Do you really have that kind of time to be sitting around just waiting for things to happen?

If your answer to that last question is no then I think that you know what you have to do now. First thing’s first. If you have not thought about how you are going to grab on to those dreams that you are aiming for, there’s no time like the present. Take out your paper and pen (or pencil) and get writing. Write down what it is that you would like to see yourself accomplish this year. Now this list should be goals that are at least attainable and in some way help you get one or more steps closer to your long term life goals. For instance, if your long term goal is to become a Lawyer but you have not even gone back to school yet or finished your Bachelors yet, then you know what your goal for this year should be.

The next thing is, once you have these goals written down in front of you, and can visualize them, you should start thinking about each individual goal and begin to think of how you can get that one achieved. Each goal towards your dream has a whole separate set of mini-goals within them as well. It would be nice to think that you could just get your degree in something overnight but in reality one of the mini-steps to this goal would be to map out how you are going to manage your time of going back to school. How are you going to fit in school work, into days that are already probably jam packed with other crucial things that are necessary in your life? That is totally up to you to figure out but you should definitely try to plan it out.

Lastly, check off the things on your list as you go along throughout the year. Not only that, but take the time to reward yourself for the things that you have checked off. No accomplishment is too small and they should be celebrated when accomplished. However, don’t take up so much time celebrating that you forget or lose sight of the fact that there is still more left to be done. If you are not accomplishing the things in life that you want to get done, there is only one reason for that, you. No one can plan it out for you. No one can make you determine what your destination in life will be but you. If you do not put in the work to get where you want to be, then you will never get there, and the only person that will be responsible is you. So figure out your game plan and make this year count. Your dream can not become a reality unless you make it one. So what are you waiting for?