Pieces of My World.

#beautiful

We live in the age of information with conveniences such as e-readers and the Internet. Personally, I get overwhelmed with how much is available to us. For me there is nothing better than the feel of a real book in my hands. I adore books because they contain specific information. When you read a physical book there is no aimlessly wandering around to the next webpage, no staring at bright screens. You can’t text and read a book (you could but if you are I bet you’re not paying much attention). Books have beautiful art on the cover, they take time to be produced. They aren’t so quick, simple and easy like everything else in our world today. Reading requires an effort.

The First Time

It was January. We met at a hotel bar for a drink. When I first laid eyes on him I thought he was arrogant. He led the way to our table with his hand pointed in the air. I looked at him and all I could think was, “No, no, no.”

He was strange. The lighting wasn’t the best so I could barely make out his face. He kept pulling these faces that looked like he was majorly disgusted by words/suggestions (see photo). I was so thirsty but I wouldn’t drink because when I arrived at the table, the water was already poured. You never know with people you meet online.

People tell me I have a knack for writing about dating and relationships. I am always doling out my share of love advice. I am fascinated by the way people interact with one another. Because of that, most of my blog posts are based around dating and relationships. I’ve enjoyed sharing my stories and experiences but after turning another year older on Saturday I have finally learned some important things.

The people you swipe on Tinder are as random as people you see when you walk through the streets of New York. There are so many profiles to choose from that you really don’t matter to these people. You’re purely disposable. Truly, no one cares. Not only that, if you are an online dater you may already know that online chemistry in no way relates to real life chemistry. It may seem like you have much to talk about via text but in real life it usually doesn’t translate. As you may know there are different levels of attraction aside from just the physical – voice, mannerisms, dress, smell, touch, little things like that. Here are two real life profiles of men who I have met thanks to Tinder:

Seven hundred and thirty days with no cuddling and no intimacy. I would hold hands with a man and it would lead to nothing. We would kiss and there would be no “afterwards.” I would go on a date with someone from 2-4 times and then I would stop talking to them. There wasn’t a strong, genuine enough connection with any of the people that I met online that would make me comfortable enough to be intimate with them or even be in a relationship with them.

But the truth is I probably could have dated any of those men. It was my past that was holding me back from being with someone again. After being single for so long, I craved a man to love me. I craved giving my heart to a man. To feel a man’s touch. To be taken care of. And the way I was going about finding a suitable one just wasn’t working out for me.

Two years without meaningful intimacy will do crazy things to a woman. Until I started to think outside of the box.