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Read this carefully, heed my advice, and your enjoyment of life will be lifted exponentially! An opinionated, unsubstantiated guarantee perhaps, but what have you got to lose? I challenge you to prove me wrong…

The focal point of our collective unhappiness? Dealing with Mondays. The seeds of dread begin growing slowly in our subconscious by Thursday. By Sunday, the disdain for this abomination of scheduling is at it’s peak.

Many people refer to this malaise as the “Monday-morning blahs”, a feeling of physical uneasiness, general discomfort, and mild depression. I’m telling you we don’t take it seriously enough! Succumbing to this feeling will surely guarantee your entire WEEK will be jaded.

Television provides subtle proof of my theory. Friday night programming is filled with shows that placate the people who are not out celebrating the end of the week. Saturdays, TV executives just assume that viewers are acting on the wonderful commercial suggestions of the previous week. They’re drinking, using erectile assistance products, eating everything and anything, and won’t be watching the tube until the evening’s debauchery has concluded. So accordingly, those of us who stay at home are left with re-runs and infomercials.

Sunday programming is based on sporting events and specials that we would never watch during the week. But since they know we’re not looking forward to going to sleep, we’ll watch just about anything. Then a funny thing happens. The news is still there, but beyond that, a chasm of emptiness. No uplifting, comical or topical shows, just useless drivel ad nauseum all seemingly interspersed by the same inane Ford commercial. This thankless, diabolical industry is forcing us to deal with our own thoughts.

As we turn off the television, the lonely click of the remote is magnified in our minds. Panic ensues as the potential terrors awaiting us in just 8 short hours begin to unfold one after another. Lying awake with the cold sweats, we’re never quite sure when sleep finally overtakes us, but like a silent angel it does.

Your alarm braces your conscience for the next few hours of hopelessness and despair. The token breakfast, zombie like exchanges between loved ones, the drive from hell to get to work and then you arrive. Like waking from a dream, reality takes over and you stumble through the day with one thought burning in the back of your brain… please, let it be over.

With this kind of start, should we be that surprised that a small blanket of doom has settled on the rest of the week? Like a day without breakfast, we sleep walk through the week: famished by Wednesday, ready for a nap by Thursday, and nothing but thoughts of escapism by Friday. My answer to this malady will not only make your life brighter, but also raise the productivity of the United States workforce!

How do you end this endless cycle of futility? BE MORE OBJECTIVE! Blaming Mondays for all the trappings and pitfalls of your life is a result of years and years of mind control. If you take an objective look back, you’ll find that numbing life disasters have happened to you every day of the week, including Friday, which by default is everyone’s favorite day.

Break free from the shackles of Madison Avenue ad campaigns, slick television programmers and worst of all, listening to family and friends. Take the first step and admit that your life can be horrible ANY day of the week. Only then can you objectively say, “Monday is my friend”.

Practice by using self-induced dread on the other weekdays. Once you accept that the Monday curse isn’t real, you can get on with your life. Each Sunday night, have a good book or music player handy when you feel you’re slipping. If that fails, let your amorous nature take it’s course if you are so inclined. Use that option wisely however, it opens a pandora’s box of it’s own. The point is, you are in control and can remove the fear of “blahs” on any given day.

Once you have, the pall of your former stigma will be lifted. Each and every day is now the same, which is another problem for some people with I’ll have address in another post. You are now free to enjoy a finer life. Be assertive and break old habits. Hit the mute button when the commercials come on, it’s truly a freeing experience. Take alternate routes to work, and keep both middle fingers stationary at all times. Do these things and I assure you, the “blahs” will be the least of your worries. No really, all your worries will still be there and perhaps even a bit magnified, but your apprehension toward Monday will be gone, therefore, your life will be better. You’re welcome…