How NOT to potty train your toddler

“We waited until she was ready, then on her lead it happened so easily. She got it straight away and we never had any accidents!”

This is how OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS potty train. Not, so it would seem, the kids of Mum Muddling Through.

Our potty training adventure hasn’t gone exactly how I imagined… If you are here looking for the golden rules of potty training and a smug round up of how it happened SOOOO easily for us, then sorry you’re in the wrong place.

Here on the other hand is a frank and real account of how potty training actually goes for some of us, you know, the ones who are still buying bumper packs of kitchen roll and disinfectant on week four.

START WHEN THEY ARE READY. I’d already smugly declared we’d be potty training as late as possible this time around having raced through the Mummy Olympics as a first time Mum previously. So, when it seemed the Mouse wanted to get on the knickers train we decided with a LOT of apprehension to go with it. Three weeks later, let’s just say there have been far from zero accidents.

DO IT WHEN YOU HAVE LITTLE ELSE GOING ON. Like a weekend away to a zoo glamping resort for example. And absolutely NEVER do it when your child is ill with a knock out virus.

BE PREPARED TO STOP AND RESTART LATER. I want to stop! Please let this stop! Just try telling her that… She’s loving her new found grown up underwear selection…just not quite enough to not defecate on them.

BUY ALL OF THE STUFF. Because you can’t be arsed to go in the loft and find the stuff you already have somewhere up there amongst the Christmas decorations and camping gear.

STOCK UP ON TODDLER WIPES. The ones that you can discard of down the loo, to avoid excess handling of bi-products of potty training. Just make sure when you enter supermarket for said items you don’t come home with baby aviators instead (which make toddler look super cool on the potty but are not so practical for bum wiping purposes).

NEVER ASSUME ANYTHING IS CHOCOLATE. Ever.

OR THAT THERE ISN’T ANYTHING ON YOUR HANDS BEFORE RUNNING THEM THROUGH YOUR HAIR. Enough said, let’s move on.

ESTABLISH A ROUTINE. Like changing knickers every time you use the potty. Even when they’re clean. #LaundryDayProblems

LET THEM EXPRESS BLADDER CONTROL. Don’t tar them with your own pea sized bladder brush. They may surprise you with their far superior urine retention skills, and then surprise you again with a 10 minute after the potty, on the floor wee.

DON’T STRESS. The golden rule…right? Even when they are using your sofa as a giant litter tray, and showing defiance of steel. So of course, no stressing, no shouting, no begging, no pretending to cry, no ringing your Mum begging for help and definitely no actual crying.

One thought on “How NOT to potty train your toddler”

ok thank you, just what I needed after a hellish day 1. I’m getting conflicting reports from people I’m telling – some say she’s not ready, some say it takes time and to persevere. (I don’t think they truly understand my lack of patience though!) xx

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I'm Sarah, a nature loving mum of two little girls, living in the Garden of England that is Kent.
I started this blog in 2015 to document the highs and lows of motherhood as I experienced it, after being made redundant from my career in Science. A place to share my thoughts and to offer another parent somewhere a virtual empathetic chat over a brew. Being a Mum has been the making (and breaking) of me, and I invite you to join me in muddling through this chapter of life called PARENTING together x