My girlfriend loves heights, not me. But, because she loves them, much like Taylor Swift concerts, I grit my teeth, put on a wonderfully fake smile, and go along with her because that is what one does is relationships. I pretend that I like these things, but she probably knows better because she is smarter than I am. As of late, she has been saying that I am not spontaneous enough for her. Well, how’s this for spontaneous?

I am going to propose to her at the very top of the highest spot of her favorite nearby mountain range. This is a full proof plan because I will not have to worry about getting scared when I am looking down because I won’t be looking down. I will be looking at her. And, she will never suspect a thing because she will be too busy being astonished that I, without any prompting from her, suggested doing this. I cannot lose here.

So, we’re at the top of the mountain. Everything’s perfect. It’s a nice sunny day with no wind for me to be afraid of blowing me off the mountain. We’re both wearing our matching, embroidered tracksuits. I lean up against the railing, get down one knee. However, she thinks that I need to tie my shoe, so she doesn’t think anything about it until she sees me bring out that big sparkly circle. Then, for some reason, this prompts her to get down on my level, while getting excited, which, that part I understand. She’s leaning on me. We’re both crying. I’m about to ask. And then, we both start to fall. I would later be told that the guardrail that we were unintentionally leaning against had given way, causing us both to fall down the mountain. I learned, through this attorney’s website, that we’d be able to sue the park for negligence. I also lost my very expensive engagement ring somewhere along the way. I don’t know how far we fell. I just know that the next thing I knew was that I was in a hospital with both feet and arms in the air, like both my legs and my arms were broken.

She was in the bed next to me with similar injuries. Between the two of us, several ribs were broken, among other things. Probably, the only reason that we weren’t both dead was that, at some point, we must have landed in some sort of pool, or decent sized stream.

While this will be something that we laugh about and cry about for some time, she still blames me for all of this, even though she loves me. She’s still a little mad that I did not propose again for some time, which she eventually said yes to, because I wanted to wait so that I could get down on one knee and do it properly.

And, as for an engagement gift, my future in-law lawyers sued the park that the mountain is located in for damages, both punitive and otherwise, and the money for a new engagement ring, as well as money for physical therapy and to cover hospital expenses. That was a long and painful way to go just for a proposal.