Remembering Mother’s warning: Keeping my wits about me

March 28, 2012

My mother told me to keep my wits about me when I started working at Work Services Corporation in 1996. What she really meant escaped me at the time. One of the major concerns any parent had when raising a child with a disability was whether the people they met would find a way to take advantage of them.

Recently, I met and started chatting with a male acquaintance on a lesser-known social networking site called Zorpia. I had other male friends on that site, but didn’t chat much because of other pursuits in writing. Anyone who sent me a message to chat got a polite “Sorry, I’m working during the day.” Their communication stopped after that.

This last person was different because he pursued me. I thought it was flattering having someone to send e-mails to other than family members and Facebook friends. Yes, he seemed interested in my life and what kind of work I did. We swapped e-mail addresses. I even sent him the links to the stories I published that week.

I had no idea that what I watched on television, “Dateline on NBC,” “48 Hours Mystery”, “MSNBC Investigates”, and “Who the (Bleep) did I Marry?” would be a lifesaver financially. I saw a lot of red flags in the communications he sent me.

This was the first one:

Well I’m not looking for a woman who is working or having money but looking for a woman who is caring, loving, honest, truthful, sincere and understanding to spend all my life with her. I do have money sorry to say that and I have 5 houses in the US and I got 3 cars, you would not have a problem of me driving you. I know what you are really going through but let us keep in touch to see what the future would hold for both of us

I treat my woman with care, love, honesty and I treat her with truthfulness. I also would get time for her and be by her side anytime that she wants me by her side.

Here’s more:

I can take good care of you so you wouldn’t be working too much but I could help you in the writing cos its an opportunity though

I’m very rich and do have anything a man should have but its just that I’m very busy right now b cos we are somewhere very busy and I would like us to keep in touch. You would not have a problem with money okay cos I’m going to share all what I have with you all I need from you is to be truthful to me and I want to Trust you

Well you won’t have a problem at all with money okay, I would like for you to wait for us to see what happens cos I might be coming home soon so we can meet and talk, maybe I would take you to one of my 3 houses maybe the biggest one so we can go there stay and live there with my son when he finishes his service and comes back. I would like for you to love my son like you would do to me, I do love him so much and I never want him to be hurt by someone so would like you to care for him and love him like your own biological son. I would make sure that I take your everything okay, your health and everything, I would buy you a good power chair and I would be driving you as well.

This was what he wanted in a woman:

Thoughtful, loving, generous kind, loving, caring, understanding, honesty, goal oriented, along with sense of humor. I love to laugh and smile. I also love to read, watch tv and cook, My interests are many. I am honest, intelligent, loyal, affectionate, easy going, romantic, soft-spoken, generous, stable and sensual. I’m romantic, caring, and much more! I just hope that you would be the one

His ideal vision of himself:

I am very easy going, open-minded, and liberal person. I am a true romantic at heart and have a very sensitive and gentle disposition. Definitely not in to head games and always believe that honesty is the best policy. I am also a animal and nature lover, As far as interests mine are many and varied, I am comfortable doing or trying anything at least once I really love the outdoors, sports, health and fitness, reading, computers, etc

Here’s his ideal woman again:

This’re what I am looking for in a person, I am looking for honest, good-looking, sexy, respectful, easy going, a open-minded and trust-worthy person and beside I’m not looking for someone to live with, I’m looking for someone I can’t live without and I’m also looking for someone, who can take as much as I give, give back as much as I need.

Here’s another red flag:

How much to you earn in a week or month? How much do you have left after paying your bills and buy food?

Then there’s this: (I knew better then to give him my phone number)

write back and do remember to give me your phone number as I would like to hear your voice to see how it sound.

Major alert:

wish that I were there so we would rest together but maybe soon we would and even do more than that.

I’m very glad and happy to hear from you caring about caring for me and my son, I would really like that and I would like and love you just like I do to my son, Emmanuel is very good and studying hard to become someone great in the future. I did told him a little about you and he as very happy to hear about you and he said he would like to hear from you someday. He says that he is becoming lucky now for getting a mother to care and love him as a son.

Told me that he is not feeling well b cos of the weather there in Africa but I just hope that he will be fine. I would treat you like my lady and do all you want in life. I want to be there for you and want to spend all my life with you. Well I feel like we are already compatible. I’m also happy that you do want me just for me and not what I have, I do also want the same so we can both take good care of each other

Here we go with the money thing again:

I know what you are going through but that is not a problem to me at all, so far us that I’m rich just know that when we are together I would take good care of you and let you get a proper treatment and a good health care. Also remember that I have 3 cars of which of any would be taken you to where ever that you want to go to give you any exercise that you want. I think that I must get home for you, I’m beginning to developed a strong feelings for you and I can’t wait to meet you in person.

Here’s the ideal relationship:

I think a good relationship requires being each other’s best friend, and trusting one another. I think each should respect the other’s opinion and that stupid arguments over stupid things are healthy, as long as they are not taken too far.

Good communication. Never being ashamed of each other for any reason. On occasion surprising your mate with a nice romantic date or evening together and telling each other I love you.

There is a lot of love and caring in the relationship. There has to be love in order for a relationship to work. A good relationship is when your partner is more than just a partner… they should be your best friend. A good relationship is when two lovers understand each other, they’re concerned for each other and they respect one another.

A good relationship is one purely based on trust, if nothing else. Being able to be miles apart yet never worrying a minute about what they’re doing. Communication at all times is so important, and most importantly, respect for each other and their need for alone time as well as together time.

Two people trusting each other fully, not being afraid to tell the other what one thinks, whether it be good or bad, and the other respecting their opinion. Being able to enjoy the same things with each other, enjoying each other, and being able to take their separate lives and smoothly combine their lifestyles into a couple’s lifestyle.

Being friends first, last and always. If you have friendship as the basis of your relationship, you can get through the hard times. The second ingredient is commitment. With those two things, you can’t lose. A good relationship is two people that are not afraid to tell the other anything that may come up in the relationship. Best friends. Honesty, devotion, love, and sense of humor. A good relationship exists when either individual has the freedom to leave but neither wants to.

I honestly think that a good relationship is one where there are no secrets. You are completely open with each other. But the biggest key is that the other person knows the worst possible thing about you and they love you even more for it. On top of that you have to have faith and trust. So that when your man goes out with an old female friend you can completely trust him and know that no matter what happens, he will always come home to you. I know it may not seem like much but as long as you have that and love, you are in a wonderful relationship. 🙂

He was evasive about himself:

I call home to be the US where I’m from and I have been in the military all my life, I’m coming back home by the end of next month. I want to come so we can meet in person, so you can meet my son too as he would be home by then and I can also meet you mother.

all I need from you is your love and trust. I want to trust you more so I can share everything that I have with you. I do want to hear your voice so badly so if you are writing me back just try and leave me your phone number so I can try and call you. Though I don’t have a phone here but I would try my best.

Major red flag:

Emmanuel said that he is very sick and I’m so worried about him now, said he would be taken to the hospital if it becomes very serious.

Home is United States Tampa Florida. I’m glad that you do want to meet us both. Emmanuel has been very happy about you and hoping to meet you soon. He will also be finishing by the end of next month so I guess that we would meet up so we can both come together and meet you all.

The scam exposed:

Emmanuel called me again today and told me that he sickness was getting serious and he was taking to the hospital, they had to let him pay some amount of money but he used all he had to pay so he is short of money right now and needed some money to live on. Right now where I’m I don’t have access to my card and also busy so just want to know if you can do something to help him now before I get the chance to get it back to you I mean pay you back. Just let me know anything that you can come up with till I get out here.

I do care for you a lot and would never want anything bad to happen to you. So just let your mother, friends and everybody to know that so far us that you have me in your life, you are blessed and not to be let down okay. I wish that my heart could speak out to you how I feel and care for you. But I know at the right time everything would be clean so far us we would be meeting soon.

I like you today and forever. Lets just keep the faith and know that it will happen for us.

Here’s the urgent plea for funds. This was what got his profile removed from the site.

but I would need your help very badly to get my son out of troubles. Where I’m right now I don’t have access to my card and I’m too busy and my son just got out of the hospital and have used all he has to treat himself. That is why I told you to try your best and get anything that you can come up with before I get out here and get my card working. Please I know what you are going through by then I’m not here to ask you for anything but right now I don’t know what to do so please do anything that you can to help my son. I’m so worried all day and night thinking about my son, he is my life now and I don’t want him to get into trouble, he should stay out of trouble there before next month cos both of us would be coming home by the end of next month. won’t you be happy to meet us both in a good health? Please do try your best and do something to help my son.

Well I will be waiting for you to write me back, I’m sitting here and waiting to hear back from you. Please do try all your best and do what you can to help my son, Just let me know what ever that you can afford right now I would pay you that amount back or double the money when I’m out here and get my card working. Waiting to hear from you.

This man also said I was very clever, meaning I was mentally bright; having sharp or quick intelligence; able. It sounded better than this one: superficially skillful, witty, or original in character or construction; facile: It was an amusing, clever play, but of no lasting value. This man fit definition number two, especially after getting caught scamming people.

This is what he claimed to be after his plea for money to help his son: Well it doesn’t matter at all I’m also a Christian and I’m a God fearing man. I have never cheated someone or hurt someones feelings.

He hurt me though. My sole mission was to put a stop to his scamming on the site. He probably made a living scamming others too. After praying over the situation for a few days, I finally reported the situation March 9, 2012. By 6:56 p.m. Hong Kong time, March 11, his profile was removed. They told me he had been banned from the site.

He seemed to make himself scarce since the last e-mail Tuesday March 6. His time on-line was scarce, maybe once every 14-20 hours. He made two new female friends, young blonde-headed types. I hope the weren’t scammed by him. Both the aunts I spoke to about this had the same reaction as my church friends, be very careful. When the scam was exposed, I called them all and thanked them. It sure beat having to apologize or whine when my money was cleaned out. One got what they did for not listening. Mom said he should give up four of the five houses and two of the three cars he had then he could have helped his son.

Instead of criticizing and scolding me for what might have happened, be grateful that I paid attention to all those shows listed above and kept my wits about me as my mother requested. Most of those women profiled on the nighttime magazine shows, cried over the amount of money lost, those that lived at least. Some of them knew they were being scammed and were flattered by the attention after being alone for so long. Most of the time, they were lonely middle-aged Caucasian women unlucky in their relationships with men. Those women that were killed after they discovered what their new man was up to weren’t so lucky. Usually the family was left to pick up the pieces after burying their kin and finding a way to explain what happened to young children.

Here is the Examiner article I wrote about this, Online daters told to beware of scamming. It only touched the tip of the iceberg. I welcome any feedback my readers had on this post and that article. I wasn’t looking for ‘forever’ on that site. Because of the above situation, I stay off the well-known sites too. Nothing beats the old-fashioned way of meeting a soul mate.