From here on in, every single night of our lives will be a night, we'll never forget. Starting tonight!
- The night we started a Mariachi Band!
- The night we ate everything on the menu!
- The night we brought a horse into the bar!
- The night we bungee-jumped off the Statue of Liberty!
- The night we stole a mummy from the Natural History Museum!
- The night we partied with the mole people
- The night we tracked down Phil Collins, became best friends with him, and talked him into reuniting with Peter Gabriel, and then we got to sing back-up on the new Genesis album and it was awesome!
- The night we stole a camel!
- The night you got locked out in your pajamas and Robin landed a freakin' helicopter and there's still time to reunite Genesis!

Marshall: 'Lily dream-banged someone we know.'
Barney: 'Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed. The truth is, I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.'
Marshall: 'That movie only came out two years ago.'
Barney: 'What movie?'

Marshall: 'All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams. It's just her hormones going berserk.'
Barney: 'So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time?'
Ted: 'Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington.'
Barney: 'I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.'
Ted: 'Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her.'
Marshall: 'Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner - we all remember.'

Ted: 'Luckily, you are friends with a former Boy Scout and a Boy Scout is always what?'Robin: 'Unpopular?'Lily: 'Beaten up?'Barney: 'Going to the movies with his mom?'Ted: 'A Boy Scout is always prepared...'Robin: '...prepared to spend lunch in his locker?'Marshall: '...prepared to die a virgin?'Barney: '...prepared to paint his sister's nails?'

Ted: 'In a city of eight million people, you happened to walk into the club where she works? Maybe it's destiny.'
Barney: 'No, Destiny strips at 'The Melon Patch'. They're people, Ted. Try to keep them straight!'

Kevin: 'Well, it's a close one. Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage and Marshall made an even 60.'Robin: 'I'm so sorry, Kevin.'Kevin: 'It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk?'Lily: 'I do.'Marshall: 'I do.'Kevin: 'That's a half a point each.'

Ted: 'Oh, screw 'The One'!'
Barney: 'What?'
Ted: 'Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. Last week, I went out with a girl whose favorite band was Glee. Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. So... all aboard!'
Barney: 'I have never been more proud of you.'

Lily: 'Sorry this is taking so long. He kicked for everybody else.'
Marshall: 'It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure.'
Barney: 'Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night.'
Kevin: 'Wow! It was small, but I think I felt something.'
Robin: 'Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night.'

Robin: 'Sometimes in life you have to be assertive and stand up for yourself.'
Ted: 'You called her a whore!'
Robin: 'Who wears that much make up?'
Ted: 'Old ladies!'
Robin: 'Who take money for sex, exactly!'

Marshall: 'The last time I lived this far from him, was my semester abroad.'
Lily: 'You never did a semester abroad?'
Marshall: 'That's what I called it, when we lived on opposite sides of the campus.'

Hey kid, you know how your mom won't let you have icecream 'til after dinner, but then the waiting kind of makes it taste better? Well, I've been waiting two months for that bowl of ice cream - and tonight I'm gonna have sex with it.