Police Dispatch

CRAZY LIKE THE WOLF

A man with a lofty self-image disrobed and embraced his inner animal while on a neighbor's property, according to a Pima County Sheriff's Department report.

Dispatch received a call describing a male trespassing in a backyard and pounding on a sliding-glass door.

The reporting deputy entered the backyard and met the subject, who declared that he was God and commanded the deputy to remove his clothing. Told to put his hands behind his back, the subject instead proceeded to remove his own clothing, down to his boxer shorts. He was handcuffed after a struggle; when another deputy arrived, the subject started yelling, "I'm going to kill all y'all motherfuckers!" The subject's clothing was seen scattered throughout the backyard.

Eventually, the subject was wrestled to the street and into a patrol vehicle, during which time he kept repeating that he was God and had "made everything in this world." At times, he would reportedly make strange, undecipherable noises with his mouth and howl like a wolf.

The homeowner said the man lived nearby, and this was not the first time such an incident had occurred.

The subject was booked for trespassing and disturbing the peace.

THE BIGGER THEY ARE ...

SOUTH KINNEY ROAD

MARCH 13, 4:17 P.M.

A large man experienced a dramatic fall, both literally and figuratively, after acting out at a southwest-side condominium complex, a PCSD report stated.

Deputies responded to a report of harassment at the complex's swimming pool, where four females said a shirtless, heavyset, middle-age male had been hitting on them and "making comments regarding their body parts" all day.

Deputies found the 350-pound man in a lounge chair with empty beer cans strewn nearby; they also found a near-empty bottle of hard liquor. He greeted the reporting deputy with a vigorous handshake, continuing the handshake until firmly commanded to stop. After accidentally bumping a deputy, the man reportedly told the deputy not to worry and explained that he was not going to hit him. The deputy responded that not hitting him was a good thing, because hitting him would be "the worst choice of the day."

Throughout his contact with law enforcement, the subject continued to drink and act disorderly; at one point, he yelled at the women he had been harassing to go call their boyfriends so he could "kick their asses." The man then proceeded to topple over into a full trash can, strewing its contents with a crash.