As male filmmakers are sidelined by scandal, Hollywood turns to films directed by boys

LOS ANGELES – The increasing number of male directors embroiled in sexual harassment and abuse scandals has threatened to shut down all film production in Hollywood, leaving studios in a state of panic as scripts are mothballed.“We were in danger of losing the entire slate of 2018 films,” said Tom Rothman of Sony Pictures. “Every day we held meetings talking about how we would make movies without any men to direct them, but we were stuck on what the alternative could be. Then I got a call from Sean Bailey at Disney and he told me how his little boy was obsessed with making YouTube videos, and the idea hit me: get boys to make movies before they get interested in sex, that way there are no scandals!”After several phone calls and emails, the studios were able to put together a team of boys from ages seven to twelve – “six year olds don’t have the maturity to helm a multi-million dollar production,” said Rothman – and these boys were matched to the existing scheduled G to PG-13 movies for 2018. “Unfortunately, the entire output of R rated films had to be scrapped because no one could get their parents’ permission to make them.”“The boys are obsessed with making superhero films and endless sequels to Star Wars,” said Rothman. “They also love disaster movies, movies about fast cars, monster movies, aliens, gross-out humour – really, this won’t change our cinematic output at all! Plus it’s a great experience for the kids. What young boy hasn’t benefited from being thrown head-long into the danger and excitement of Hollywood before he’s even hit puberty?”We requested comments from Kathryn Bigelow, Patty Jenkins, and Ava DuVernay, but they were all speechless.