Actual Miami press conference title: "ONE BULLET KILLS THE PARTY!"

"It’s sad that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of wild dogs," Saturday Night Live's Jack Handy once said in a "Deep Thoughts" sketch.

We don't have many of those in Miami, but we do have guns. Lots of guns. Especially on New Year's Eve. So here's the City of Miami's press conference headline: "ONE BULLET KILLS THE PARTY!" The press release:

In a united effort, concerned elected officials, law enforcement and community activists are urging residents and visitors never to fire celebratory gunshots in the air. Every year innocent people, including children, are struck by bullets fired into the air by people celebrating various holidays causing serious injury, and oftentimes death.