Archive for the ‘black women’ Category

I know this topic comes up again and again, but I have to speak on it once more because 1. It never gets old and 2. It happened to me.

Recently I was reconnected with a blast from the past (worksite jada). He reached out to me via email after a year of not speaking due to me ending it. Obviously it was for good reason but for some reason I thought things might be different. For a while (read a week) things actually were different, we talked every day via email, text and hours on the phone. It was pretty cool. Then one day I got an email “hey yea member that girl I told you about?” Yea well we went on a date……..

This for me is where it pretty much ended. Suddenly the phone calls stop, texting stops, emails are there but fading into black. I saw all these signs smacking me in the face saying its time for me to act like a banana and split but something in me needed conformation.

So Mik gets bold and brave enough to ask the question “Dude what happen?”

Dude: I been in church all week and got super busy….

Dude: I am over in my text messages……(we have mobile to mobile)

Dude: I figured you might be sleep and I knew you was going out of town.

Dude: Work? Oh yea I was busy there too!!!

Dude: Its really not like that……

Seriously? You think that for a second I am buying any of these excuses? I am not the brightest crayon in the box but I do know when I am being played. So he insisted once again that it wasn’t like that and apologized again. I am a big creature of habit and if you start out one way and suddenly things are MUCH different im going to side eye you.

Thankfully I saw the sign and It opened up my eyes I saw the sign……. (song break) and I wont continue to go down this path with this dude.

Have you ever had clear signs that he wasn’t that into you and you ignored them and kept forcing something that would probably never be right?

As you all know I will be documenting my dating experiences on my blog. Today I am super tired from the weekend so bare with a sista!

Friday night, I went to salsa class in my attempts to “leave the house” as the book (how to find a man worth keeping) states, your husband is not going to fall out the sky so get active. I have to admit just leaving my house and doing something out of the regular was extremely fun. I got a chance to dance with this super cute 2520 which im shocked i even found him attractive. I believe since I started to go by the “no expectations rule” I was able to step out side of my 6’0 chocolate brown brotha idea.

I am suppose to be getting 5 numbers a week, keep in mind I don’t actually have to go on a date, i just have to have prospects. I must admit that this might be harder that I thought. I realized this weekend I am a bit shy when it comes to speaking up, probably something I knew but just never really had to face at any given time. Now that I am basically forced to get phone numbers i HAVE to speak up!! Unfortunately I didn’t get the guys number in class but hopefully my confidence will be up by friday because I am most def going back!!

The other experience I had was with a guy I had met online. We had been taking for a few days and while I was very interested in him he was just a little to “thirsty” as my friend holly would say lol. For a minute I was intrigued buy his persistence but then I realized that I am not suppose to be exactly “falling” for anything for at least 6 months. Needless to say I worked up enough courage to tell him that I am going to be “multi tasking my azz”. He didn’t like that and told me he wouldn’t be speaking to my from that point on because he was looking for a wife like yesterday lol.

I am glad I was able to stand up to the guy and let him know my true feelings. So many times we get caught up in the fairly tales of dating and love that we forget to check out the “True picture”. Underneath the surface of this guy was a controlling, overly dramatic, ego driven brotha. When I took off my sunny shades, I saw the true picture and it was NOT good. I pray that I will continue to see the trueness in people as I move about this process. So here are a few questions we must ask are self when we are getting involved with someone of the opposite sex.

1. Am I willing to settle for fear, there might not be something better?

It was 2 days shy of 13 months ago when I wrote the post Date or soul mate?. It was detailing the type of characteristics you would hope to find in a future husband or wife. I really had to give myself a pat on the back for summing up the book so well and giving my spin on it. Anyways I figured it would be a good time to revisit my idea of a good man (again) since I am newly single and entering back into the wonderful world of dating.

The last few days have been rather hard actually. Having to think about starting over and pushing myself out into the social scene can be pretty intimidating at first. This time around I do plan on taking things hopefully much slower than I have in the past BUT I will move forward with those guidelines I seem to have forgotten to take with me on that first date.

After being with my ex I realize how much more important it is to stick to the LIST. Although we may find someone who is seemingly right, you may tend to have issues with someone if everything doesn’t 100% check out. This isn’t to say be so strict but to be close as possible wouldn’t hurt at all. So my list once again isn’t really meant to be taken lightly although you are welcome to laugh and call me crazy, I just needed to put it on paper what Mik feels is a good rule of thumb to picking the right dude.

1. Must make more money than me or equal – If you think this is golddiggerish then your probably right lol. Even though I feel my situation wasn’t purely based on money most of it was, and it was the heart of the breakdown of my relationship. Some people make not like to believe relationships aren’t about money but trust a LOT of them are. So I am keeping this one just so we don’t have to deal with the broke ones. P.S i don’t make that much so it shouldn’t be hard lol.

2. Family ties – I admit I get into with my momma on the regular but at the end of the day we can call each other and laugh about what ever we had argued about before. I love my mom and my little brother and I would love to be with someone who shares my same sentiments.

3. Believes and knows God – Please believe I am NOT a bible thumper nor do I want to date one. but it is important to be with a man who recognizes a higher power and is not afraid to call on him in a time of need, or simply give some praise when he is blessing us. If I can say babe, lets go to church and he says sure would do me a lot of good cuz i need some Jesus right nah.

4. Good with Money- Not a penny pincher but knows how to balance being in a relationship and managing their own bills too. I don’t actually believe in participating in the recession because I am always looking for new ways to bring in money. If you can’t realize that dating cost, then maybe you just shouldn’t date because even though I am on a budget I still need some fun in my life. I don’t want a man who is a tight wad but I do want a man who looks towards the future financially and plans for that.

5. Can balance seriousness and goofiness – I am a silly girl by nature and it would do me good to laugh 24-7 if I could and I appreciate a man who can be silly at any given moment but I also want someone who can have a serious conversation about life in general and things that make us who we are, its just good for the soul.

6. Keeping me in check – Please do not mistake this for an IKE and Tina sitcho or now days Chris and ReRe, But a man who is cool with telling me no but also realizes how happy it makes me when he tells me yes. I love a man who can make decisions without needing a second opinion (Good decisions mind you) It just makes you feel so secure.

7. Educated – I am putting this back on my list because Mik is going back to school and I’m gonna need some help with homework lol.

So here is my list, there are a few things missing but if you are smart you know the things that aren’t on the list that I don’t actually NEED to mention……