It is appointed unto man once to die, but after this the judgment*. Good old King James. This, along with “be sure your sins will find you out*” are the scriptures my mother used as she did her best to scare me into the Kingdom of God.

I wasn’t buying it. I had plenty of time.

Oh sure, I attended church. There was no way to avoid it. But slouched in the pew, legs swinging, sometimes kicking, the pew in front of me, I played a game each week: shut my ears and do not listen to a single word the minister preached. I am happy to tell you that as a result I cannot remember a word that man ever said.

But my mother, now that’s a different story.

Heaven and earth shall pass away but my words shall not pass away*. Memory verses were just one of my many punishments. Each week I was given a new verse to memorize. Each Saturday was my day to recite them. And recite them I did, or else endure the whip. I cast them aside as soon as I was done with them. But some of them come back to haunt me.

Not even the bottle can drown them.

The threat of hell for all eternity hanging over me scared me only until I was old enough to move out of her house. By the time I left, I figured I’d already lived through hell, what else could happen to me?

More than I could have ever imagined.

“Habits, Hang Ups and Hurts” the sign outside the church said. Now this was a 12-step group of a different color. Maybe someday I’ll check it out. When I have some time to kill.

Tick. Tick Tick.

Seconds become minutes. Minutes become days. Days become years. It is appointed unto man to die and—

STOP!

I will live my life the way I want to live. Maybe it does sucks but it’s my life. If I decide to change it, I will. I have ti--

Tick.

The clock stops.

But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father*.

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