Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Random Tuesday...

Forty seven years ago today my mother had the displeasure of squeezing my then bobble sized head through her vajayjay via two sets of forceps happily welcomed her first born into the world. I was 18” long and weighed 8 lbs. 4 oz. Since then I’ve grown 44 inches and gained…never mind.

My favorite color is red. I prefer vanilla to chocolate.I could eat pizza every day.

I polled some people a few days ago and asked them to describe me in one word…

My friend C said ‘Conversationalist’. (I think it was just a nice way of saying that I’m a phone-aholic.)

My BFF said ‘Loyal’. (But of course she would…BFF’s know how to keep secrets.)

My brother said ‘Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious’. (I’ll take it because he could have used hyphens and said: ‘brat-who-promised-to-play-GI-Joes-with-me-after-I-played-Barbies-with-her-but-just-used-the-GI-Joes-so-she’d-have-more-dates-for-her-Barbie-dolls-big-sister.)

My son said ‘Persistent’. (That’s his way of politely telling me I’m still a nagging mother.)

His girlfriend said I was ‘Spunky’. I like her…(unless she really meant ‘spunky for my age’…if that’s the case the jury is still out.)

My fraughter told me I was ‘Anal’ and then changed it to “Witty’, but wasn’t happy with either word so she changed it to ‘Special’. Even though I told her the first or second word was fine she insisted that she wanted to change it to ’Special’, as in this type of special. (Yes, she is the rotten fruit of my loins.)

My husband was out of town when I conducted this little survey so I called him with the request to describe me in one word. The reception was bad so I told him he could think about it and get back to me later; especially so he could try to consolidate words like, Sexy, Luscious, Fantastic, Creative, Thoughtful, Passionate, Amazing, and Beautiful; and that it would be okay if he needed to use hyphens.

Me: “I’ll talk to you tomorrow when the reception is better. Let me know then.” Him: “No, I got it. You need me to describe you in one word.”Me: “Well, think about it. Give it a little thought.”Him: “It’s demanding.”Me: “What? I don’t think asking you to describe me in one word is demanding.”Him: “No, that’s how I would describe you in one word.”Me: (Hearing him quite clearly) “You’re breaking up…I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

Forward to the next day:

Me: “So back to that one word…did you say demanding?”Him: “I did, but now that I’ve had time to think about it I want to change it.”Me: (Realizing he was joking the day before) “To what?”Him: “Bossy.”Me: (Crickets chirping)Him: “Are you still there?Me: (more chirping)Him: “You know I love you, right?”Me: “Yeah, I love you too…So, when you get home you’ll get the oil changed on my car, take the dogs to the vet, and steam clean the carpet?”Him: “Of course, because you’re Sexy-Luscious-Fantastic-Creative-Thoughtful-Passionate-Amazing-Beautiful…and because I don’t want to sleep on the sofa.”