The chronicle of a life split between urban Manhattan and rural Montana.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

From the heart?

TOMORROW IS V DAY
Hopefully none of you have
forgotten that tomorrow is
Valentines Day. Just in case
I thought I would provide a
quick checklist for all of you
to review prior to the big day.
Scan it quickly and make sure
you've checked off at least one
key category off the list. In the
event that you've forgotten at
least you still have time. But if
you're reading this on the 14th,
GO TO HALLMARK NOW!

[ ] CARD
I realize that paper greetings are
considered archaic. That said
there is little I adore more than
receiving a gesture of affection
in my mail box. Don't worry, I'm
not having an affair with my post
man. It's just that one feels special
whenever they discover a red or
pink envelope nestled amongst
their junk mail. I cherish Frank's
first handwritten affirmation of
love. If nostalgic, do Millennials
sort through their old texts?

[ ] FLOWERS
If you do nothing else, say it with
flowers. However, be certain you
send the right posies. Years ago on
one Valentines Day a boy sent me
two dozen roses in a crinkly green
glass vase filled with shaved ice
styrofoam. That same day another
man sent me a posh arrangement
of white orchids, roses, stock, and
french tulips in a clear cylinder
with a hand written declaration
of love. Yes... you guessed it...
my white knight was FRANK!

[ ] SWEETS
Some of us have a sweet tooth.
What better way to show your love
than to decadently indulge one's
beloved's vices? Whatever you do,
stay away from the corner drug store.
This time spend the extra time and
cash to get something special and
unique. Even if it's simply Godiva,
Sees, or your local Chocolatier, it's
best to buy the best and then hope
for the best. Otherwise some soapy
pre-wrapped slop can quickly sour
any relationship. Sweeten the deal!

[ ] GIFT
Nothing is worse than a gift that says you
didn't think before you shopped. If you're
planning to use this special day to pop the
big question, any accompanying mineral
had better be bigger! Most men claim size
really does matter. Nows your chance to
prove it by not skimping at the jeweler.
Every extra carat will deliver ROI. Better
to risk bankruptcy than miss the chance
of future paybacks. UP YOUR ANTE!

[ ] DINNER
If you neglected to book a dinner
reservation you're out of luck as by
now every table in town is taken.
One could opt for the early bird or
midnight special but I suggest you
simply stay at home. Given you've
missed the gravy train, here's my
recipe for success. Chilled Veuve
Clicquot. Fabulous cheese plate.
Two pre-cooked grilled chicken
breasts on mesclun greens. Fresh
berries atop vanilla ice cream.
Served in front of a roaring fire.

[ ] MEMORIES
Many consider this a "Hallmark
Holiday" and in many ways they
are right. Nothing is as pathetic
as a rote gesture of love. In the
end the only thing that matters
is that the object of your affection
knows you care. All of the above
is for naught if by the end of this
day they don't feel all "gushy".
Nobody knows your lover better
than you. So as long as you're
certain to check off their list you
should avoid being kissed off it!