Friday, November 13, 2009

Bob’s 24 hour-ish stomach flu last week is lingering… in his mind. The stomach ache, vomiting, headache, and fever are long gone but their shadows remain in the form of whining, false complaints that just keep on coming.

When bed time is especially unpopular he will say, “But I have a fever! I think I need medicine.”

When he would like just one more episode of Olivia, he will add, “Because I have a stomach ache. The Olivia show will help me.”

My favorite is, “I might do barfing. I need more Halloween candy to help me.” He might then throw in some fake "ah choo" sneezes to further illustrate his point.

I alerted one of Bob’s teachers to his litany of faux ailments. I would not want the pre-school staff to be alarmed if Bob suddenly had a convenient instant on-set headache if the goldfish crackers weren’t meeting his snack time standards. (Although his shrill whine has been known to give mevery real instant on-set headaches.) We have learned that if the symptom is “pretend” he will drop it quickly and try another tactic.

In these instances, with my gentle coaching, I have taught him to say, “I am suf-fer-ing from my hy-po-chondria.”

I need to teach that line to my almost-7-yo, who is a bit of a hypochondriac. She always has stomach aches and the like, which makes it hard to diagnose when she's actually sick. Like the night she told me her stomach hurt and I sent her off to bed with an extra hug and kiss. She later threw up all over her bed. Le sigh.