Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Author
Topic: "I don't care, just fuck me!" (Read 35654 times)

If I were still in NYC and if I was still participating in or at least following research studies, what I would be curious about (curious enough to have logged on to get this down before I lost it) is has anyone done a study or studies in which gay men are separated between those who state themselves to fuck (active) and those who state themselves to be fucked (nice phrase, no? passive) in which the researchers (or those reading and posting here) ask questions inside and outside of the bedroom? Is there a corelation between those who fuck in the bedroom and how they perceive life, how they approach life (work, play, finance, education, etc.) and is there a corelation with those who get fucked in the bedroom and they how perceive life, how they approach life and, if so, can we start to draw conclusions such as the passive gay man perceives life in and out of the bedroom as a place where he is at least partially controled by, at the whim of, others; the reverse being true, or not, for active gay men? Or do gay men act differently outside of the bedroom from how they may perceive themselves inside the bedroom? Are gay men more or less different or similar, depending upon totally other indications than sexual preference in position? And, moving back to where this started, is there something going on- leaving out the drugs for this discussion- in the minds of passive/fuck seeking gay men that would lead them to make decisions, whether it be this penis or another one, someone with or without hiv, because he approaches this as you have to do what you have to do unlike, if true, how the minds of active/fucking gay men make their decisions?

Finally, if anything can be glimpsed in such a research study or by postings somewhere in the forums, does this clue those of us concerned about new infections in how we might design harm reduction efforts, sorting, to use the new word, gay men who fuck and gay men who get fucked differently. Win

Logged

Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems. The last was published in December 2006. He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Benj, there really isn't much about cocaine that's 'classy'. True enough, you doing drugs alone hurts no one. Although you do help keep a dealer in business, and not all his 'clients' are single gay men. As long as you , or your male friends, or girl friends have no intention of ever bearing a child, and attempting to raise that child in a world with drug addicted parent(s), no problem. It's not only cute young gay men who use drugs. It's a real problem, and causes tremendous problems in our society. Car accidents while under the influence, burglaries/robberies to support such habits, shooting/stabbings over bad drug deals, cops killed by dealers running from them/arresting them. Innocent bystanders caught in that crossfire. Orphaned children because their parents OD'd. There is absolutely nothing glamorous about drugs. I'm sorry you see them that way.

Spare me, Mary. That computer you're pecking away on supports Communists in China... probably some child labor thrown in for good measure.

Just to throw in that I also don't really buy into that whole "too tweaked to know what they are doing" business when it comes to meth sex (or other forms of, um...chemically enhanced sex). The guys that tweak and fuck know before they blast off in advance that the meth or whatever is going to put them into that free-for-all mindset. They are counting on it...and hoping everyone else present is ready to get into the same head space.

Wow, lyd, can't say I can relate to how you feel cause I have never been to an orgy. I have a hard time sharing.. But I can understand your frustration about trying to be safe and the young bucks just wanted your nice hard on. A few months ago, a man was interested in me, actually found my ad on poz.com and had no problem wanting to raw dog me. His words were I don't like to use condoms, I like the natural feeling and the feeling of playing russian roulette, wtf!!!!! At first, I was like hey that's on you but after some consideration, I declined because I don't know what this dude has, ya know. And if he was willing to be so free with me, who's to say he wasn't with someone else. You gotta look out for you. So did you get some? Protected of course but did ya?

As far as being drugged induced, hey to each their own. I really don't consider coke as being classy either. Because of using coke back in the day, I now have a hole in the cartiledge of my nose. And the only thing I really liked about it was the drain and the numbness in my throat. Plus I have had some friends get taken out from it's use, either by overindulging or receiving a hot shot. Although no drug is really good for you, I have no complaints smoking weed. Yes, I'm giving my money to the weed guy but I can actually see where my money is going. I'm not trying to rob anyone or sell anything out of my house. If anything, I'm eating and zoning into my PS2 playing Scarface.

THE WHOLE DRUG SCENE IS INSANITY DOING IT'S FINEST WORK....I LOST A FRIEND LAST YEAR DUE TO A METH OVERDOSE....THE OBITUARY CALLED IT A HEART ATTACK....THE REST OF US KNEW BETTER. HIS WAKE WAS BILLED AS "THE TWEAKERS FUNERAL"....THIS GUY GRADUATED FROM YALE AS AN ARCHITECT WITH GREAT ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND TALENT....HE HAD RISEN TO THE TOP IN DETROIT SOCIAL CIRCLES...THOUGHT HE WAS INVINCABLE....NOW HIS PARTNER IS SITTING IN A $600,000 HOUSE THAT HAS BEEN FORECLOSED....CAN'T AFFORD TO TURN UP THE HEAT PAST 62 DEGREES.....HOPING SOMEONE WILL COME ALONG AND BUY THE HOUSE....AND IF THEY DO HE JUST MIGHT WALK AWAY WITH $20,000 TO PUT DOWN ON SOMETHING ELSE. THE HOUSING MARKET IN DETROIT IS THE WORST IN THE NATION SO A SALE DOES NOT LOOK LIKELY. SO TO EVEN THINK THAT SOMEHOW, SOME WAY, DRUG USE IS OKAY IF YOU DON'T HAVE KIDS, DON'T HAVE A PARTNER, NO FRIENDS, NO FAMILY.....WE ALL HAVE SOMEONE WHO WANTS US TO BE HERE....WHO NEEDS US IN SOME WAY. TO DESTROY OURSELVES IN THIS WAY IS A PURELY SELFISH ACT BORN FROM UTTER STUPIDITY....I CAN ONLY SAY THAT BECAUSE I HAVE "BEEN THERE, DONE THAT"....I WAS ONE OF THE TWEAKERS AT MY FRIENDS FUNERAL. THANK GOD I CAN USE THE TERM "WAS" INSTEAD OF "AM"......I STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I ARRIVED AT THAT "I DON'T CARE, JUST FUCK ME" MINDSET.....BUT IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE....AND IT IS HAPPENING MORE AND MORE.....I AM SEEING A BASIC SHIFT IN THE HUMAN RACE AWAY FROM SELF PRESERVATION AND SELF-LOVE.....HOW DO WE REVERSE THIS TREND??

i stopped drugs in the 90s but then i met someone who was a little into drugs in 2000 so i did a little with him over the course of 3 years and it was weekends mostly and nothing too heavy ... anyway today i think about the effects drugs can have on our cellular health

Dingoboi, How can you say fuck'em. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Then you cry on your blogs about the evil meds, and how they don't work, when you're swigging them down with booze. I know you never claimed to be an example, but it pains me to have anyone think that you represent what being gay is remotely about. Sorry dude, but it seems like you are intent on "giving AIDS back to the monkeys."

fuck em.. literally... bareback or not. If they don't get it from you, they'll get it from somebody else... at least you got yerself a nice piece of ass.

I'm all for personal responsibility re both sex and drugs, but that's a piss poor excuse for potentially passing HIV to someone.And, the same for drink driving, Bailey. Take some personal responsibility, consider the consequences, and take a taxi.

This thread is absolute proof that HIV, both infection and risk of infection, is the most complex viral pathogen to hit mankind so far. So much blame game for all of us to share. I did it, he/she did it, the drugs made me do it, I was drunk and couldn't help myself, I didn't think that needle would do this to me, my husband/wife was/is a whore and lied to me. Enough. It is what it is. I personally think that if you have the motivation to post on aidsmeds.com these thoughts, you are already a front line soldier in this HIV war. Do we find ourselves occasionally in situations that test our resolve and/or moral compass? Some of us do indeed. We are HIV positive, but we are still human and subject to all its frailties. Our strength comes from our knowledge, our ability to process that knowledge, and in our ability to share that knowledge when we can. And those times when we fail to share our wisdom, the foresight to to know that when in the future we find ourselves in another situation where our wisdom can help, we do better. And maybe save someone from the reality that we are dealing with. It's all we can do. And I think most of us do it well.

I'm sorry, I just have a problem with people openly advocating intentionally infecting other people with HIV.

Bailey's Words of wisdom:

"Fuck em.. literally... bareback or not. If they don't get it from you, they'll get it from somebody else... at least you got yerself a nice piece of ass."

I am not even pretending that Bailey will give a rat's ass about any form of social responsibilty. The sad reality is that people will read his post and will equate being gay with his twisted mentality. With his posts he is making a social statement as I am with mine.

Seriously, hiv is this Africa thing to most. You dont hear bout it much outside this forum cause I guess in the U.S. its not a problem? Thats how the media acts. Its a problem in Africa, not here.And if you get it, so what (they think). Just down a couple pills, available to ANYONE in the US (so they say), and you're good to go. Thats it in a nutshell. And thats how I use to think too, back in the 1990's. Pills for everything! Looking back, I now put some blame on the HBO Queer As Folk show. All the hiv+ guys went about their daily life, looked great, and never talked about meds, cost or side effects. Always good to go. I regret getting hooked on that show. I did warp my thinking, till reality set in, in Sept 2005.Well, enough on that...

As always, it seems it is always the person who is HIV is the one who is expected to be the sensible one. Nothing like being a party pooper to get you going for a bit of jiggey jiggey. Itís sad that people do not seem to care, getting so off their heads on drugs that they are making possible life changing decisions when they at their most vulnerable. Iíve been there, got the t-shirt, got myself a little blood borne thingey along the way.

What happened to the old days of popping a pill, a dab of speed and trying to kiss as many boys as possible. Well, sort of like that, sorry my memory is errr a bit hazy. My attitude to drugs is a bit ambivalent. Why should I tell what people what to do, when I was just as bad. Whoo, Hoo I can dance more than the two step shuffle, feel alive and attractive, though I probably looked a right old state, if the people around me were anything to go by. And suddenly anal sex seemed SO much less a pain in the old behind.

Iíve never understood the attraction of meth, you feel shit on it, you look shit and afterwards... Donít go there.

Feeling invincible is part of growing up and until youíve been through it and realising you are not, is always a hard lesson. Add meth to that, youíre on a one way ticket to well, here.

I avoid going to sex parties for just this reason. (well that and I am also not an exhibitionist, at least when it comes to sex, I feel too self conscious). I hate meth and I hate having sex with guy on meth. I would have left the scene just because of that!

Anyway, let's be real here. Men don't like condoms. While they are an effective way of stopping the spread of the viru, they will never actually stop the spread of AIDS. We can preach the virtues of safe sex until a comet strikes the planet, but as a practical matter, the only thing that will stop the spread of HIV is a cure. Period.

Logged

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Dingoboi, How can you say fuck'em. I wouldn't expect anything less from you. Then you cry on your blogs about the evil meds, and how they don't work, when you're swigging them down with booze. I know you never claimed to be an example, but it pains me to have anyone think that you represent what being gay is remotely about. Sorry dude, but it seems like you are intent on "giving AIDS back to the monkeys."

rob

Sorry to cause you pain, but just because it's not an 'acceptable social behavior' doesn't mean it doesn't exist in this world. Being morally 'superior' won't change the behaviors, just like it didn't change the behaviors of the meth heads.

Point to you for being morally superior. 3 million points to the meth head and others who don't give a shit.

I don't approve of intentionally spreading the disease without informed consent. I do think it important that each and every one of us take personal responsibility for our health and ensuring this does not get transmitted further. It's wrong.

That being said, being pious and superior does nothing for those who express these behaviors. In all actuality, it just makes 'em tune you out.

In all actuality, there are many reasons why someone may not disclose going to a bareback orgy. The most likely being that everyone HAD INFORMED CONSENT BEFORE EVEN ATTENDING. Add in self esteem issues, drug dependencies, emotional issues and you have a recipe perfectly suited to not disclosing.

It is behaviors that got us ALL here. Those behaviors don't just change overnight for most people. So, instead of attacking an individual for saying what is really happening in the world, working on changing those behaviors is the way to go.

The context quoted in another thread conveniently left out the part that i wouldn't dislcose 'probably not today anyway' being my emotional state would make it harder to disclose.

I never said it was right it just is. Same of the meth heads behavior. It just is. Burying your head in the sand won't make it go away and neither will taking a morally superior attitude.

edit to add: "I simply don't know how to carry out a "safer sex" message to this crowd. I'm lost, they have no ears to hear me."

I do think it important that each and every one of us take personal responsibility for our health and ensuring this does not get transmitted further. It's wrong.

That being said, being pious and superior does nothing for those who express these behaviors. In all actuality, it just makes 'em tune you out.

In all actuality, there are many reasons why someone may not disclose going to a bareback orgy. The most likely being that everyone HAD INFORMED CONSENT BEFORE EVEN ATTENDING. Add in self esteem issues, drug dependencies, emotional issues and you have a recipe perfectly suited to not disclosing.

Well said, Dingo.

Logged

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

We moralize in one thread and tout the joys of barebacking in another...odd indeed.

I will leave the moralizing to others but offer a practical warning that we ignore at our peril. Services for people with HIV are now stretched beyond the breaking point. Each newly infected person brings us closer to a government having to make the decision...is it fair to allocate money for diseases caused by risky behavior? The private sector already does...smokers need not apply...your risky behavior will not be tolerated or cause me to pay higher health premiums.

As a poz person who must rely on Ryan White for the most base of services I can see where all this is going. Each time I am re-certified the restrictions are more stringent and what is covered pared down. I truly believe it is so close to the breaking point.

Yesterday I witnessed a mother and her young (twenties) son put on the state of TN waiting list. The mother's tears and arguments could do nothing...I imagine risky behavior was involved.

This is now back to where it is supposed to be.... and because of that I agree that everyone needs to take responsibility. Like I have said before if a negative person wants to remain so it is up to them to do so.

Saying you would fuck em anyways bareback because they are the ones responsible is not acceptable...and by no means has anything to do with disclosure or lack there of. If that is high and mighty then so be it. I was once told I was one of the three wise men anyways during a drug induced dream.

We moralize in one thread and tout the joys of barebacking in another...odd indeed.

I will leave the moralizing to others but offer a practical warning that we ignore at our peril. Services for people with HIV are now stretched beyond the breaking point. Each newly infected person brings us closer to a government having to make the decision...is it fair to allocate money for diseases caused by risky behavior? The private sector already does...smokers need not apply...your risky behavior will not be tolerated or cause me to pay higher health premiums.

As a poz person who must rely on Ryan White for the most base of services I can see where all this is going. Each time I am re-certified the restrictions are more stringent and what is covered pared down. I truly believe it is so close to the breaking point.

Yesterday I witnessed a mother and her young (twenties) son put on the state of TN waiting list. The mother's tears and arguments could do nothing...I imagine risky behavior was involved.

Dingoboi, may choose to bare backtrack now and flip flop on the position, but I have read previous posts of his where he stated that it is "kind of a fantasy of his to infect a neggie." He likened it to being the person who takes another person's virginity, and in that same thread he stated if somebody wanted him to give him the gift, he just might do it. He went on to say that others of us probably thought it was hot too. When noone agreed he barebacktracked that time as well.

So, I have never negated my involvement in catching this horrible disease. People on here may think that it is not so horrible, but for some it will be a death sentence because quality access to healthcare is not universal. Just think if you give it to someone from a developing country where there is no care available.

There are people ont he ADAP waiting list in many states who are literally dying to start meds. The more people get infected, the more the system will become burdened and even people with private insurance like me will have to pay the price, even with my professional degree, how will I pay to stay alive when healthcare becomes too costly to treat this disease long term?

I repeat, I know how I got here, but it angers me that to some people it is just a game in which the price is "a good piece of ass" without thinking the financial and human cost to society.