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Sunday, February 19, 2012

Josh and Anna on Purity and Dating

Last week, Josh and Anna Duggar spoke to an Arkansas youth group about purity and dating. They also shared how they met and fell in love, as well as stories from their lives leading up to marriage. We have posted the video below.

Great talk to these young people! Although I must say, I thought Josh came across as a little disinterested and disrespectful of Anna when he pulled out his phone and started texting or looking at the time while she was speaking . It may not of been his attention to come across like that, but unfortunately, it did. Anybody else feel the same way?

MMolesy, I feel the same way. My husband and I saw Josh take out his phone and couldn't believe it. They are part of a wonderful family, but I did feel it was disrespectful to Anna AND the youth. I am glad I am not the only one that noticed that.

Really enjoyed hearing Josh and Anna's testimony - having been through a similar relationship and now being happily married I can also testify it is SO worth the wait to save yourself and your heart for one man only!

I felt that Josh was very disrespectful when he pulled out his cell phone. I LOVED Anna's example with the roses. That was great! I am 27 years old and parents look to me as a 'young person' to help their teens stay modest and pure. I will definitely use the rose example!

This was wonderful. I thought it was great that Josh said: You don't have to do it the same way we did.People tend to think of them as so legalistic and they're way is the only way. They cleared up that misconception.

MMolesy, it is sad when we unintentionally communicate something like that. Poor Josh. He's young and hasn't learned stuff like that yet. You may not be disinterested, but you look disinterested when you do such and such. I bet he's totally unaware.

I agree with MMolesy, Anna never took her eye's of Josh while he was talking, but thought it was ok to text whiile Anna was talking, I found it rather disrespectful. It kinda ruined the message for me, if there's no respect for each other in a relationship, as equals, then in my opinion it's not a good relationship. I don't beleive that man should rule over woman, woman are just as capable as men at making desions and doing things that are hard, so way should men have the right to control women. I have my own veiws and opinions of things, and I'd expect my husband to repect that and not try to change those things about me, as I would not expect him to change himself for me, your meant to love someone for who they are, not what you think you can turn them into, that's just not right in my eye's. I don't think God wanted women to be second class people, that they should be ruled over by men, if God created everyone, including women they He created women with the ability to think for them selves and do great things all on there own, not after direction for a man. Now why would God create women like that if He didn't intend for them to be that way, to use there skills. Why would He give us voices if He wouldn't our opinions/veiws to be shped by men. I love the Duggar family but I do think there's a few things that they do that isn't right, but I resepct that, that's the why they live their lifes, but I'd hope they would do the same and respect other even if they don't agree with who they are, what they believe in, or what their faith is. God does teach us to love our neighbor, I took that to mean no matter what their like love them in spite of their diffrences. I feel aslong as you care for other living things, you don't hurt others, and you live purely, (no matter what faith you are or even if you don't have a faith), then your a good person.

Just watched it again with my teens. Josh explains why he was on his phone while Anna was talking. He was looking up an episode from Family Life Today he wanted to share: Don't settle for second-rate $ex.

I thought that too about the phone but at the end he talks about a speaker that he wanted everybody to listen to and he said he was checking if it could be downloaded. And it could. But at first i thought how rude, but he explained later.

Thanks for the comments. And, yes, he is still learning. I am glad he pointed out why he had used the phone. But, he could of just mentioned the guys name if he remembbered it, or looked it up on his phone AFTER they had finished speaking. It was just bad timing. And I agree, I thought Anna looked pregnant too! (Just to clarify,I do love the Duggars, not bagging them at all. They have quirks and faults just like us!)

Wow! That goes to show that they ARE real people, they don't have all the answers, and that they're not as "sheltered" as many who grew up in the ATI/IBLP life. How sheltered can you be when people make fun of you for your standards? And talking about youth groups and Sunday school and so on. And to not just focus on relationships, but to give EVERY area of our lives to God. And the humor does work in good too.

I was wondering if you know why the Duggar's don't eat pork is it because of their denomination as Evangelists?

Anna does appear to be pregnant mayne two months along. She's wearing a maternity top. However no one can say that except for Anna herself, we'll have to wait and see. Most people wait at least two month before announcing just to make sure that everything is going well.

What a great talk!!! I'd love a way to save it for my kids to hear when they are teens!! I kinda thought as well that Anna was pregnant...we will hear soon I bet :) Glad he did clear that up about the cell phone...I wasn't overly impressed when he grabbed the mike from Anna when she wasn't done talking...you can tell it was a bit awkward. They are young, but over time (and doing more talks) they will be a fantastic couple to learn from!! I love how honest they were.

I have only watched the first 1/4 but plan to come back with my children and finish it. Yes, they did a marvelous job of sharing the most important things and so winsomely! How refreshing to hear from a young couple who preserved not only their sexual purity, but intentionally chose to be intentional about their whole faith during their young years and trust God with their futures. When I was young, we only had "ex-addicts" or "ex-promiscuous", etc. and they were wonderful stories of God's redeeming power, but I was left feeling that I was second rate if I hadn't experienced the "other side". Even when I was young, I remember very strongly feeling that the Church ought to be sending us encouragement to stay the course instead of only showing us how God can pick up turned over garbage! (Both, by the way, are needed....just not one without the balance of the other).

As for Josh, yes, that was disconcerting. Yes, I'm sure he wasn't aware of how it looked. Even if he had a reason for it, it is imperative as a speaker that you prepare ahead of time and if you don't have your material ahead of time, just mention where the audience can look for themselves when they get home. We live in a culture of "instant gratification" when it comes to technology. Instant messaging (old hat), texting, "Googling", etc. We need to remember to follow the rules of courtesy and protocol so that people come first, not just ideas.

To Josh, I would say that it did distract from her and yes, unfortunately it was very disrespectful of her AND setting a very bad example for the youth concerning their technology/attention. But it was clear it was just him not being aware of protocol concerning technology. This is a growing experience for him as much as it is for anyone else. Thank God they are out there doing it. We ought never to be caustic in our comments or hard, because they are doing what we only talk about. They are out there encouraging our children to stay the course NOW and not just later. We can afford to let people learn. I would only be concerned if it continued to happen.

To all young men (and ladies, but it seems that it is normally only the young men past 16 years of age), please consider technology like you would consider your underwear. Don't pull them out in public! Remember....people come first, not information or ideas. Plan ahead, be with people, and when you get a call or an idea that you need to research and you are with people (especially if you are listening to another person speak to you), yield to the "live" person or idea over the remote one. You can always call back later or say, "Let me write that down so I can look it up later" (and then use pencil and paper to do so!). If there is a location on the Internet you want to reference, just TELL them the reference. You can always ask, "Would you like to see that right now, or shall I send you the link by e-mail later?" Just remember, YIELD TO THE LIVE PERSON AT HAND!

hard to take advice about staying pure from people who got married at 20. What if they didn't find 'the one' until they were forty? would they think it okay to put their human desire on hold until then? easy to say when you're married and able to have sex when you want it and are in the category of people who can legally get married. it's so easy when you're 'in the crew' i wonder how they would feel if they weren't!

He's always apologizing and making excuses for his actions/comments--his quip about "the short bus", his picture of a shabby house and saying it was Obama's, of course he had to come up with something quick to explain his constant disrespect for his wife. Has he come up with an excuse yet when he left her alone to take a nap while she suffered and had their second baby in the toilet? They might be "man and wife" but they are not partners. And don't think I didn't notice the clip of him-on the show- hanging around the bikini clad women in Israel (while he was holding one of his babies).

Josh and Anna should definitely do more talks like this to youth groups everywhere! Very encouraging! I agree...Josh: Put away that iphone! Now that was NOT a good example. Anna definitely appears to be expecting again! Maybe they will announce this on the next episode (since it's an update about them :)

I Loved this Video!!! I think that marriage is very important, and should not be taken lightly!They both did a great job. I feel that dating has become too casual, and we should stress the importance of loving God first. Good job to Anna and Josh!!!

About the phone flare up lol...guys, Josh later on expalined as to why he pulled his phone out he gave a good explination and clarification. If he hadn't of given one, I would have found it rude sure, but like they said in the beginning of the video...they don't have it all together and they are not perfect people...so don't expect them to be. :)

Well, Josh may have explained the use of the phone, BUT, he should have just made a comment or quipped about it sometime during the time on stage...he certainly joked about alot of other stuff! Obviously without having done that, ALOT of people took this as really rude - including me. Because of little things like this, The Duggars have been criticized quickly for things that have actually been misinterpreted. When you're in the public eye, and "famous", especially as Christians, it's proof you really have to be "above reproach".

For one thing, yes it did come across as rude when he whipped out his phone. Just meant he either was unprepared or it was a spur of the moment thing. No big deal. Maybe he'll do better next time? Anywho, Anonymous (feb 20 @9:42 am) I disagree with you on him being CONSTANTLY disrespectful to his wife. Having had 6 babies naturally myself,And expecting another this september. The whole labour is a tiring process, so I don't blame him for wanting a nap. Not only that, but here in Australia we are told that once you are in full labor it's not a good idea to go to the toilet incase you end up giving birth on the toilet! So Anna was given bad advice to start with. And Josh did stay up with her for hours on end waiting for something to happen and ENCOURAGING her when she gave up. He only went to bed after being assured that nothing was going to happen soon. And it's not like he left her alone to birth the baby herself. There were other perfectly capable people there to help her. So i think you are being a bit harsh. And going thru that process i would hardly call it "suffering" it is tiring for sure and it HURTS. But one does not suffer. And we only see about 1% of their lives, so how can we judge the other 99% of their lives if we don't see it? And I also thought Josh could stand to lose a little weight. Anna looked gorgeous. And as for being around bikini clad women, they are a famous family, you dont know if they wandered up to him to have a talk, and he was hardly alone with them. whats he gonna tell those girls, sorry, but i cant talk to you cause you're wearing a bikini? piffle. Give Josh a break, he's not perfect. He makes bad or uninformed choices from time to time just like we all do, no one is perfect.

I'm not trying to be mean but Anna has a baby bump...and so does Josh. I think that they need to stop eating the chikenetti, fritos and beef, steak and potatoes, and start eating healthy, low fat foods and exercising. Anyone else feel the same way?

ARwifey, I know!!! Of course Anna has had two kids and probably still has the baby fat but Josh!! My goodness! As a 49 year old PE teacher, I feel that he is very unhealthy and needs to start excersizing more!! Man oh man! Also not happy about the whole cell phone thingy! Come on Josh!

I feel bad saying this, but look at what they have as a guide. As sweet as Michelle is, watching the clips of what her children eat makes me gain 5 pounds and this is definitely a deficiency in her mothering skills for those that want to find a deficiency. You can get away with it if you are under 20. They buy tons of those gross fake Cheetos and chips for snacks; watch the children grab a handful or two of cheap cookies and candy and run out the door; eat pickles all the time (can we say sodium-bloat off the charts?); their recipes are made of cheap, cheap gross food; and the closest thing I have ever seen to a salad on the show is iceburg lettuce. Cheap sugary cereal for breakfast; oatmeal in packs mixed with tap water. As much land as they own, I would like to see them start a garden. They certainly have enough manpower to do it. Hey, that could be a way to meet in the middle! No matter what anyone thinks of Obama's politics, you have to hand it to Michelle Obama and what she is doing for kid's nutrition and teaching children about nutrition. Knowledge of nutrition is certainly a lack in the Duggar household. They fed a world-renowned preacher Tator Tot Casserole and it showed his almost full plate on the table when he left. Smart man. Middle ground! Hey, Michelle, start a garden! Their idea right now of eating vegetables is to open 4 giant cheap off-brand cans of green beans. I have never seen a fresh fruit on the show. Maybe that is why Jim Bob planted fruit trees! Honestly, people in prison eat better than the Duggar children and from what they "show" on the show, that is a fact.

I thought this was a very good talk. I, too, reacted to Josh's phone but in the limited view we do have into their lives via their tv show, I've seen him act very lovingly and respectfully towards his wife, so I granted him grace in that moment (and he later explained there was a purpose!). I don't think we need to flip out about that... none of us are perfect!

Regarding the comment someone made about waiting for sex: yes, it's true that a lot of Christians get married young and yes, it is largely due to the fact that it's definitely a challenge to keep one's self pure. However, a wise Christian couple wouldn't marry JUST for the sex, and as Josh repeatedly said in his part of the talk, it's important for both individuals to get their own life and walk with God on the right track before entering into marriage. Marriage is definitely about more than sex; even though sex is a big part of it. Christians that are truly striving to live out God's calling on their lives will wait until they are married to have sex - whether they marry at 20 or 50. Of course a longer wait is a bigger challenge, but if that's God's calling on an individual's life, He will honor them for following through with it.

I know a couple who started dating when they were both 16 and they dated for 10 years before they got married and were both pure when they married - now that's commitment! Another thing that Josh and Anna talked about was dating as a teenager - if you're not looking to get married anytime soon (which no teen should be!) then what's the point? You can easily hang out with guy and girl friends in a group and have a blast and there doesn't have to be any romantic involvement. Now, my friends did end up getting married but they'll be the first to tell you that waiting 10 years was no walk in the park! However, they were faithful and God rewarded that.

Josh and Anna both also said, there is more to life than just waiting for Mr or Mrs "Right" - and they both encouraged the youth to make wise choices and do proactive things with their lives to make a difference in the world. There are a lot of things that single people can do better than married people, so there are advantages to being called to singleness!

I always wondered how they felt about gay people and just with that little comment in the beginning about gender I finally know.

I really respect the family for being good people and wanting to do good things but I wished they were more open to things that are not in the bible. The world is not only 6000 years old and whoever believes it is can't be taken seriously 100%.

Molesy--I respect your opinion but I am sorry, I still find this guy problematic--no matter how long it takes, you don't leave your wife while she's having a baby in this day and age. It was being filmed---he kept snoozing even though there were how many people there and how much noise being made? He couldn't hear Anna pushing?? I'm guessing the reason TLC kept filming him snoozing is because they were appalled. And he was walking towards the bikini clad women, who were at the rinse off station on the beach. They weren't approaching him. It's not just these little things I've noticed on the show. His Twitter comments, which I already noted, are questionable. People here make excuses for him, saying he's still earning. Well he has ALOT to learn and I find it ridiculous that he gives out advice.

my issue isn't only with them. it's with the message of 'waiting for your spouse' as the end goal of abstinence. yes they did touch on obedience, yet they referred to marriage as a when or will happen. marriage is not guaranteed. not a promise we are given and i personally am one who wants to see the message of abstinence be focused on obedience to God. because that is the issue. and that 'reason' will never change with age or time. and obedience has you focused on God not on another human being or sex. think we are doing a disservice when we only talk to youth from a perspective of 'your honeymoon night'.

i'm also one who thinks it doesn't make sense when someone preface's their conviction/standard in the Lord with 'this isn't for everyone' or 'you don't have to do this'. why do we feel we have to do that?! he went back and forth on saying that and then stating that it would be best to not be alone with each other. it really takes away from what you are saying to start with a dismissal!

Annonymous feb 22 @ 1:28 am: There is a lady in christian history who's name was Susannah Wesley. She was the youngest of 26 children and went on to have around 19 children herself. She homeschooled all of them, taught them how to keep a home and run a farm, AND arranged scheduled time to spend with each of her children on certain days during the week. She also ran a bible study in their home. Her husband was also rather absent because he was a preacher and was constantly studying. They were very poor anad often had little money to go round. Her children and generations to follow have had a major impact on the world thru their leadership and or ministry. There is NO WAY these children would of been well trained if there mother had not purposefully taken time out of her week and spent it on one on one time with her children. It IS possible to spend one on one time with that many kids. If you are creative and smart about it. To think otherwise is hogwash. And about the whole candy thing. You only see maybe 1 % of their lives. How do you know what they eat the other 99% of their lives? Are you a fly on their wall? Are you the food police? I don't think so. Their diets may not be perfect but at least they are able to feed all of them. It's not like they are starving and have nothing to eat. So think about that next time your little one is munching down on a cheese burger because you can't be bothered making dinner. So lay off them. And must this conversation continue on forever? Surely there must be an end to it?

Considering they are newlyweds in their 3rd year of marriage, I think we should consider the action of Josh checking the cell phone as an error, but forgivable. Hopefully after reading these comments, he gets the message that it did come across as rude. Great message and enjoyed learning how the show originated. Their speaking skills will develop in time and I think they did a good job!

Thank you this was so encouraging!!! I am inspired to do what God has called me to do and speak to young people and encourage them. Josh and Anna are talented in speaking and letting God speak through them. They both have a gift and God is using them so mightily. They are such great role models and I thank God for their ministry.

For your questions on why to wait for marriage, learn the Theology of the Body by Pope John Paul II! It is life changing!

The 'Theology of the Body' is Pope John Paul II's integrated vision of the human person - body, soul, and spirit. As he explains, the physical human body has a specific meaning and is capable of revealing answers regarding fundamental questions about us and our lives:

Is there a real purpose to life and if so, what is it? Why were we created male and female? Does it really matter if we are one sex or another? Why were man and woman called to communion from the beginning? What does the marital union of a man and woman say to us about God and his plan for our lives? What is the purpose of the married and celibate vocations? What exactly is "Love"? Is it truly possible to be pure of heart?

All of these questions and many more are answered in Pope John Paul II's 129 Wednesday audiences, which were given between the years 1979 and 1984. His reflections are based on Scripture (especially the Gospels, St. Paul and the Book of Genesis), and contain a vision of the human person truly worthy of man. John Paul II discusses who man was in the beginning, who he is now (after original sin), and who he will be in the age to come. He then applies this message to the vocations of marriage and celibacy, in preparation for the Kingdom of Heaven.

The Theology of the Body portrays a beautiful vision of sexuality. It encourages a true reverence for the gift of our sexuality and challenges us to live it in a way worthy of our great dignity as human persons. This theology is not only for young adults or married couples, but for all ages and vocations since it sums up the true meaning of the human person.

Thanks for leaving your comments! We answer as many of your questions as we can, but due to the number of comments we receive daily, we are unable to answer every one. Our aim is to post all points of view, but we do not post anything that is profane, insulting, derogatory, or in poor taste.

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Welcome to the premiere source for factual, encouraging updates on Jim Bob & Michelle Duggar and their 19 kids (TLC's 19 Kids and Counting & Counting On). Our site is not maintained by the Duggars, but we (Lily and Ellie) are personal friends of the family.