Modern Dating Advice for Smart Singles

WHY YOU FALL FOR THE WRONG PEOPLE

I spent last night skimming through the chapters of ‘50 Shades of Grey’ a new fiction trilogy that’s getting lots of buzz and great reviews. The main character Christian Grey has an almost unnatural sex appeal that the books female lead can’t explain or resist. Although I’m sure his multi-million dollar net-worth has something to do with it.

In the book, now a movie, this young woman finds herself doing things she’s never done before or imagined herself doing, all the while engulfed and aroused by Mr. Grey’s magnetism.

In the author’s world the female character is “hypnotized” but in the real world she’s ‘dickmatized’. A common affliction of women who have never had good sex.

Even though I was a late bloomer but I have always known that sexual desire makes men and women do things they would never imagine themselves being driven to do. Not in a million years. The problem with sexual desires and lust, is that it’s often masked or misinterpreted. It’s the driving force behind many people’s action yet they fail to identify it’s importance. When you’re single and find yourself unreasonably drawn to certain people it’s not because they’re magnetic it’s because you’re horny.

You know how scientist say that most often when we feel hungry, we’re actually just thirsty? Dating is no different. You think you’re feeling a deep connection with someone you’re dating but in actuality what you feel is lust. If you haven’t learned to understand your sexual desire you’ll find yourself confused in the dating world.

I am in no way a sex expert, but I do know that men and women grossly misunderstand sexual desire. First, it has always been the assumption that women mistake sex for love, ‘50 Shades of Grey’ does not help to dispel this theory. When a woman is driven by sexual desires she’s not seeking love she’s seeking attachment, attention and physical touch. When men are driven by lust or sexual desire they often mistake casual signs of courtesy as indicators of interest. They believe they’re acting out of kindness but they’re actually acting out of the hope of getting laid.

What I’m getting at is the truth many singles want to deny, you are horny. Whether you have never had sex or you haven’t had it in a long time, your body wants to procreate so the desire to have sex will always be in you. The key is to identify when it’s a driving force in your actions.

The unwillingness to believe in the power of your own sexual desires it what leads many people to pursue the wrong relationships. If you want to exercise your free will to fight it, do so, but don’t deny its existence all together. This will be incredibly dangerous to your love life.

Pheromones remind us that we desire sex the same way fresh-baked cookies remind us that we LOVE sugar.

But it’s not just about sex. Regardless of your willpower, or denial, if someone you like is showing you attention, or in close proximity to you, you will get aroused without your body giving you any for warning. This is when sexual desire, desperation and downright horniness can cloud one’ s judgment.

I’m going to be honest (I always am): when you fall on the side of the fence of the desired, you can tell a horny, lustful and act of desperation from a mile away. There are very few desirable and attractive people that can’t tell when they arouse someone else. You want them (sexually) and they know it.

Confident and sexy people know when you want to have sex with them. They know that you are under their spell and that you are in denial of your own desires. They will use this against you if they can. They will give you false indicators of interest because they understand that you’re desire for sexual contact is so strong you will do anything to please them. They can use this to their advantage.

All the while you’re thinking thoughts like, ‘I like this person SO much’, ‘ We get along so well’, ‘They really understand me,’ ‘We have such a great connection when we’re together.’ When in actuality you have an overwhelming sexual desire for them that is driving your actions, and you don’t even realize it.

In dating the only person that doesn’t realize that your actions are motivated by lust and sexual desire are you.

Any person that has ever been desired will recognize that desire immediately. They will see your need for it and they will date you to exploit it. My suggestion if you feel an incredible attraction to someone or claim to like someone a lot: do NOT have sex with this person.

Have sex with other people if you can but not the person you’re actually interested in having a long-term relationship with. This might sound counter intuitive because often once single men and women find willing sexual partners they cling to them. This will likely happen to you so if you have a relationship that you feel has promise, I do recommend holding off on sex.

If you find it difficult to find others who want to have sex with you, I suggest you take this opportunity to explore why. Explore what makes you sexy and take control of your confidence and sexual appeal. If you want to build desire then you have to hone in on what makes you desirable.

My advice is to take inventory on your desires and pay attention when they draw you to the wrong people. You can’t ignore sexual attraction; your body will react when it is aroused. Be aware of your desire and don’t let your desire be the driving force in your dating life.

I thoroughly loved your tips on if you want to keep your man.. Though I myself comes from the men fraternity yet could not refrain from liking the minute detail you explained as I Could have easily relate to each point 😄. That's why , the marriage kills the romance because of those bad traits.

Miss Solomon - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

Thank you for your comment, and for reading. My advice is this. A man should be cherishing and chasing you. A man should be worried that he will lose you if he doesn't show you attention. If a man isn't treating you like you're valuable to him, don't stay with him. Show your own value by leaving him alone. You don't need anyone in your life who makes you feel like you're second class. I hope this was helpful.

Miss Solomon - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

Thank you so much for your comment and thank you for reading! I know this is easy to say but the best way to approach men that you like is to remove yourself from the outcome. Yes, you want a date, and I think it's great that you took the initiative but don't beat yourself up about the outcome. The circumstances might not be right. There is one way I recommend taking action in dating to see results. It's a simple process - Step 1. Write down 3 possible scenarios A,B,C - A being if nothing happens, B being if it something happens but not what you expected, C being if your ideal results happen. Then try to imagine how you would feel in each scenario. Prepare yourself for no response, for a rejection, or for a date. If you're prepared for any outcome, its easy to take action. Just don't NEED anything certain result. Just take action because you're a brave person willing to take risks, and go after what you want. Instead of worrying about the result, just focus on taking action. It's not about what happens, it's about taking the action, accepting the result as feedback and moving forward with new information. I think you did a great thing! and the action itself means more than the result because you showed confidence. If you don't get a date, that's ok. But don't stop right taking action where you can. I hope this was helpful.

Danica - 5 Bad Habits That Chase Men Away

there is this guy who flirts with me, shows all 32 teeth when smiling at me and sighs around me a lot, well I do like him and think the feeling is mutual, but ive asked men out in the past and that did NOT turn out as I had hoped. but I decided to give it another shot by giving my crush a Christmas card and writing in it the following "me and you coffee with my name/number" and if he is interested he has my digits. is that too much or not.

lizzy - He Hasn’t Called, Now What…

i want u to advice me ma.there is dis guy v bn lvn for d past 10yrs i lata told im my filns and he agri to date ever since dat day he hasnt called or text v bn the 1 textn and calln.what can i do