Category: Funnies

English Grammar Lesson

The difference between “complete” and “finished”.

No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

The final question was: ‘How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand?’ Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. Here is his astute answer:

“When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!”

(FYI: This is a joke. To our knowledge the contest never took place and the individual doesn’t exist)

Rate this:

Share this:

Like this:

New Employees

A large organization had recently hired several cannibals. After conducting a lengthy new hire orientation, the human resource director congratulated the cannibals and said, “You are all part of the team now! You get all of the benefits we have discussed, and you can enjoy our company cafe free of charge! But please don’t eat any of the other employees.” Each of the cannibals promised they wouldn’t.

After a few weeks the cannibal’s boss seemed very pleased, but also a little worried. She said, “You’re all working very hard, and I’m satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?” The cannibals all shook their heads, “No.”

After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals was a bit angry and said, “Okay, which one of you dummies ate the secretary?”

A hand rose hesitantly in admission. “You fool!” said the leader, “For weeks we’ve been eating managers and no one noticed anything, but nooo, you had to go and eat someone important!!!”

*****

I think those office parties are going to get smaller and smaller …

Have a lovely weekend!

Rate this:

Share this:

Like this:

The Bridge

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, “LOW BRIDGE AHEAD”. Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.

Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, “Got your truck stuck, huh?”

The truck driver says, “No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas.”

*****

Reminds me of a song that used to crack me up. 😀

Friend of mine, who first shared that song with me years ago, once said to me, “Man, that sun sure is hot today!”

To which I replied, “The sun is hot every day. Here’s your sign!” We had a good laugh. 😀

Rate this:

Share this:

Like this:

The Efficiency Expert

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You don’t want to try these techniques at home.”

“Why not?” asked someone from the back of the audience.

“I watched my wife’s routine at breakfast for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. ‘Hon,’ I suggested, ‘Why don’t you try carrying several things at once?'”

The voice from the back asked, “Did it save time?”

The expert replied, “Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven.”

*****

Yep, that sounds about right! 😀

Have a wonderful weekend!

Rate this:

Share this:

Like this:

Posts navigation

2018 NanoPoblano

My theme for this year’s NaBloPoMo (affectionately known as NanoPoblano) is Personal Mottos. I put this together last year for a future A-Z Blog Challenge, but ended up using something else for that, so I thought I would use it here instead. These are mottos which I try to live by, things which color my life and perspective on it. I chose a word a day (except for Sundays) because time is short, you’re busy trying to read other blogs too, and I didn’t want to take up too much of your time, which I thank you for sharing with me! ~Vanessa

This Month: November

The bright butter yellow glow of the chrysanthemum brings joy, light, and cheer to the dwindling days of November. Chosen because of the cheer and joy November birthdays bring throughout the year, the chrysanthemum’s color and perseverance are a beacon of happiness.