Final Vancouver election polls show dead heat between ‘Wait, there’s an election?’ and ‘Oh, that explains the yard signs’

VANCOUVER – The race to replace retiring VancouverMayor Gregor Robertson ends today and polls show it’s a toss up between people who don’t know there’s an election and people who’ve just learned there’s an election from being asked how they are going to vote in the election.

“There’s a municipal election this week? That doesn’t sound right,” said Vancouverite Trevor Lindley. “Are you thinking of pot legalization? Because that’s a political thing that happened this week. Yeah, you’re definitely thinking of the pot thing.”

While the proportion of the public who are not only unaware of the upcoming election but actively resist any attempt to inform them about it has remained steady, the number of people who are grudgingly accepting of the existence of the election has slowly been creeping up and is now jockeying for the lead.

“I did see like fifty yard signs on my way home from work,” said Ajita Burman. “I guess it’s true what they say, you can only ignore the signs for so long. It’s like I knew that an election was happening, but I also didn’t want to know, you know?”

Pollsters said the race could still become a threeway tie with a sudden burst of support for “Metro Vancouver has too many mayors, there should be an UberMayor to rule them all.”