by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married several weeks ago in a beautiful, reverent, Christian ceremony. Our reception, held in an upscale restaurant, was designed to be both fun and tasteful. Everything from the dance music to the cake-cutting was planned to represent the love and respect we had for each other on our first day of wedded life.

That spirit was shattered by "Simone," my husband's brother's girlfriend. She took over our reception. Her shrill voice screamed at least 50 times for my husband and me to kiss and smear cake in each other's faces. She drank champagne straight from the bottle. She showed our guests X-rated photographs of her unmarried daughter's natural childbirth. She performed a "striptease" by whipping her skirt over her head and gyrating against other guests in a practically nonexistent thong. We didn't realize the extent of her misbehavior until we returned from our honeymoon and saw the video. The expression on the faces of our guests is horrified, and she dominates every scene.

Simone will no doubt be a permanent fixture in my husband's family. I do not want to cause a rift, but that vulgar woman ruined my wedding. I don't know how I'll control my feelings the next time Simone and I are thrown together. How would you handle this? -- MORTIFIED BRIDE IN NEW YORK

DEAR MORTIFIED BRIDE: I'd keep uppermost in mind that Simone may have a drinking problem that causes her lapses in judgment once she's had a few. I'd say this plainly to your new brother-in-law as I handed him a copy of the video. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. And this is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old single working woman, and I'm in love with an older married man in my office. This has gone on for about two years.

I have never acted on my feelings, and I never would. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his marriage and have never told him how I feel. However, a little incident recently made it pretty clear he feels the same way I do.

No, it's not what you're thinking. We simply shared a "moment" (corny as it sounds). It was like in the movies when the music soars, the man and woman suddenly lock eyes and slowly move in for "the kiss." In fact, that's exactly what happened -- but I pulled away.

I don't know why I hesitated. I have fantasized about that moment for the longest time. But when it finally happened, I couldn't go through with it.

Now when I see him, I ache inside. It's a different kind of pain than anything I've ever experienced. I desperately need your help. I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm afraid if I'm ever again in a position to kiss him, I might just do it, and I'm afraid of where it would lead. Any advice? -- ACHING AND ANXIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ACHING AND ANXIOUS: You appear to be a sensible and honorable woman. You and I both know you and this man are swimming in dangerous waters. The wisest thing you can do is to remove yourself from any situation that could tempt you both and cause future pain, embarrassment or regret. If that means a change of employment, so be it.