The Courtship of Jessa Duggar Is Here; Also Here, Your Vomit

Here is something disgusting, you guys! You know those people who think Jesus wants them to have all the babies so as to dominionize the earth (from the black people, probs, though we guess they don’t say that out loud)? You know, they have those shows on the teevee about their one million children, and then their children get married and start pumping out babbies and get teevee shows of their very own? Well, they have a daughter, “Jessa,” apparently, and she is 20, and she is having a “courtship”! But what is a courtship? How is it different from the courtship of, say, Eddie’s father?

Jim Bob [Duggar] explains: “Courting is getting to know each other in a group setting, both families spending time together and the couple setting goals together to determine if they are meant to marry. With dating, a couple will often pair off alone and that sometimes leads to a more physical relationship.”

Jessa and Ben met in church, Jim Bob says, and then asked to correspond via text and on the phone. The Duggars agreed – and were kept in the conversation as the couple texted each other, mostly asking each other questions about theology and scripture.

“Jessa has a very steady personality,” says Michelle. “It has been interesting to watch their interactions because for her personality type, they share very similar beliefs. It has been fun to watch them and both of our phones are going off back and forth, ping, ping, ping.”

Ping ping ping. So that is what the kids are calling it these days!

Now, far be it from us to presume that watching like a hawk as your 20-year-old daughter gets her sexts from “Ben,” her “courtier or whatever the fuck,” might be, say, DEEPLY CREEPY. Nor that your daughter is a grown citizen who presumably is able to make her own decisions — legal, social, and vaginal — without her parents inserting a speculum … INTO HER BRAIN.

Or, you know, just keep on keeping on with your inspections of your grown daughter’s pants. For the patriarchy. And for love.

Looks a little like the new bank teller I dealt with yesterday. Young, cute, friendly enough, a little flustered by her new job… but left me with a subtle feeling of “Therein lies madness.”

$73376667

But more importantly: Is that a soul patch?

actor212

More likely a zit he popped and scabbed over.

msanthropesmr

Who are these people, and why the hell should I care?

Not Sure

The woman is the daughter of the Duggar family, who has a TV show called “19 kids and counting” The poor wife is just constantly pregnant. I believe the religious nutjobs call it “quiver full”

Lina

Then that’s a look of dawning horror: “I’m about to spend the next 20 years pregnant and wiping noses and bottoms.”

actor212

Well, if you have eighteen siblings, wouldn’t the sight of an erect penis make you nervous?

actor212

The Duggars agreed – and were kept in the conversation as the couple texted each other, mostly asking each other questions about theology and scripture. Yea. “Kept in the conversation.” THAT conversation, sure, but the one late at night on Skype?”Show me yer tits, Jessa…here, let me pay you tribute….”

msanthropesmr

Tits or Get thee behind me, Satan!

Lizzietish81

Silly Wonkette, she doesn’t wear pants like a common harlot. She wears skirts of Jesus, complete with extra virginal guard.

actor212

Clearly, tho, her cups doth not runneth over.

Chow Yun Flat

These people are strange but not in a good way.

ortcritic

Hell no.

coozledad

Their fifty children are all going to look like James O’Keefe, unless they buy the semen straws from Tractor Supply.

$73376667

Would you say she is dressed…A.) conservatively?B.) modestly?C.) fashionably?D.) in the manner of a conservative?E.) none of the above?(He’s obviously dressed in the manner of a male prostitute.)

Not Sure

I take that to mean that you know precisely what a male prostitute looks like. I’ve never hired one, so I have no idea.

She’s showing her arms, so she’s dressed more or less like Michelle Obama.

x111e7thst

Saddlebacking for Jesus in 3-2-1

SullivanSt

So, have the parents demanded a sample to make sure he’s fertile enough to keep the nice young lady permanently preggers yet?

JohnE_o

Those are not the eyes of a gal who is glad to be in that picture.

SullivanSt

They do have that hint of “How do I get out of here”, don’t they?

Arcturus

Dear Jessa, have we discussed Exodus 3 yet, the one about the burning bush? Or are will still on Psalm 23, about how his rod and staff will comfort you? – Ben

DrShitferbrains

I’m positively DYING to see some of these flirty text messages about scripture. I’ve been trying to write these erotic bible prophecies, see, because racket.

JayGoldenBeach

“Jessa will save her first kiss for marriage.”- – JimBob Duggar in ‘People’ articleThat’s what Ted Haggard’s wife said… and she is still waiting… LoL

Official Teabagger

And in retirement and beyond, you can just see the happy couple riding into the sunset, on their personal mobility scooters.

Rick Strandlof

Someone needs to snatch her wig.

marindenver

The Duggars are the griftiest grifters of all the grifting reality show people that there are. Like ever. And now they’re training their children to start grifting families of their own. Check out the other picture from the People article – that kid Ben is on to a good thing and he knows it.