YOUR VOTE

Why can't I orgasm when I have sex?

Well, I have recently lost my virginity and had sex a few times since then, but I have not been able to orgasm one time. When I masturbate, I can orgasm in like 5 minutes, but when i have sex for 20 minutes, i feel nothing. Why is that? Is it him or is it me? Is it because I have recently started having sex? I'm just confused, please help me.

ANSWERS

First is I would assume your not that old and I would say its both of you because first most women cant have an orgasm from penetration they need clitoral stimulation which is what you do when you masturbate and with the male being inexperienced his main goal is to get his and he thinks you got your and he doesn't know what to do so if you look on this site there is plenty of info for you both to read about what to do and how to do it. So read explore and enjoy.

First off, please be aware that only about 30% of women can regularly reach orgasm from intercourse alone. If this is the case with you, it simply means you and your man will need to experiment a little until you find what works for the two of you. My wife is not among the lucky 30%, yet we've been having sex for 25 years, and through a combination of manual and oral stimulation, I probably bring her to orgasm about 90-95% of the time.

You already know (thanks to masturbation) what feels good and what it takes for you to reach orgasm. Communicate with your man and let him know what you like. DO exercise some tact in keeping the feedback positive rather than criticizing ("It feels so go when you__", rather than "You're doing it wrong!") It may take different sexual positions during intercourse, it may take oral sex (and if you're giving him oral sex, the least he can do is return the favor!), it may involve manual stimulation, or it may involve sex toys - just find out what works for you.

Since you have only recently started having sex, I am assuming that these experiences have all been somewhat casual - not with someone you really care about. Please be assured that when you ARE with someone whom you love and care about (i.e. when you are actually making love rather than just having sex) the added emotional joy makes it SO much better than the simple physical sex.