How Men Can Also Fight Patriarchy – One Anecdote

Men not tolerating creepy behaviour on the behalf of other men is the least that can be done in the public sphere to combat the gauntlet of patriarchal foolishness women face every day of their lives. Dudes, are you up to it?

“Let me tell you what happened to me an hour ago:

So I’m at the bus terminal and this guy (who’d been following me and hovering over me for 10 minutes) comes up to me and says “hey beautiful. Can I talk to you?” So I said “no thank you.” He goes “I just want to speak to you, though.” And I said “yeah I know that and I’m not interested in talking to a strange man at a bus terminal. Please leave me alone.”

So he stands there watching me.

Finally he says “listen, there’s no need to be difficult. I approached you politely like a gentleman so I don’t see why you’re saying no. Now just let me speak to you.” I said “nobody’s being difficult my guy. You asked a question, I gave an answer so we’re done.” Then he says “yeah but the answer you gave me made no sense. Why don’t you want to talk to me? You don’t know what kind of person I am. You’re judging me before you know me. You’re being ignorant and prejudiced so”- Just then this other guy who’d been sitting close to me said “my nigga shut the fuck up! I saw you following her and stalking her like a fucking animal or some shit, like you didn’t think she didn’t notice? She’s probably scared of your predatory ass and I don’t blame her. Mans need to understand you don’t follow girls and shit. That shits corny.” So the guy goes “yo, mind your fucking business.” And the other dude says “nah because I see you harassing this girl and as a man this becomes my business. You thinking you were polite doesn’t mean a girl has to speak to you. Be nice because you’re nice, don’t use that please and thank you shit and think somebody has to speak to you. You’re not a “gentleman if you don’t respect her. Take the L and go catch your bus you fucking creep.”

So the guy starts swearing and then walks away. The guy who’d defended me is like “you okay tho? Like real talk I don’t really like men because of shit like that. They’re fucking predators man. I do what I can when I’m able to for women because you don’t deserve to be hunted.”

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:::head desk::: It’s the 21st century for pity’s sake and STILL this?! This IS why I want to hit people with my umbrella.
BTW, Arb? Trying to “invite” you as viewer if you like to privatized blog — WP says The Arbourist doesn’t exist? What name should I use, if you are interested.

This is the sort of story that more men need to share with their male children growing up. The power of narratives to shape behaviour and by that same method, culture, cannot be underestimated. So now the only problem is finding the non douche dudes and getting them to replicate something other than the patriarchal status quo.

Not enough. It needs to be happen so much more to form enough of a critical mass to that will change the way men as a class thinks about women as a class. I think this is where much of the work for allies has to fall. I know I’ve been neglecting this angle on the blog as of late but I’m entranced by the sheer magnitude of bollocks that has been issuing forth from the trans/queer community against women and have felt the need to prioritize refuting said bollocks.

Reaching men with anti-patriarchal ideas that don’t scare up their defences is a decidedly different kettle of fish.

Situations like this are most definitely in the -headdesk- zone. The expectation that people should act decently shouldn’t be a rare story, but rather the norm. :/

I’d like to be part of your privatized blog. I checked my ‘gravitar’ and it says “The Arbourist” but there is also an @sardeth in the profile, maybe try that? I’m unfamiliar with the WP invite process :/