A Guide to Binge-Listening Taylor Swift's New Album Without Losing Your Sanity (Barely)

Today is the DAY: Taylor Swift's new album, 1989 is finally here. Hooray! We've already heard, cringed over, and deeply analyzed some of the album's chart-topping songs, which were slowly and expertly released to us before the full album was available. But now, any true Taylor Swift fan can listen to 1989 in full.

If you went whole hog and listened to the thing in full today at work, kudos, I hope your brain is still intact. If, you, wisely, thought to wait until you were home to devour the album, Netflix binge-watch style, we applaud you. Safety first.

So, if you want consume your Taylor Swift in one big, pop-y dose, here is how you should listen to the full 1989 album in one sitting. Download 1989 and proceed at your own risk.

1. Put on sequins. If you don't own sequins and don't think buying a fully sequined getup is a good investment, stop reading now. This is not the adventure for you. If, however, all your sequined staples are at the dry cleaners, merely stop by your nearest CVS, Party City, or Target, and buy a package of loose sparkles. Pour said sparkles in your hand and grip them tightly, they'll come in handy later.

Proceed to play the first track of 1989, "Welcome to New York."

Okay, now, quickly, turn on Beyoncé's "Single Ladies," throw the sparkles in the air, and do your best Bey strut.

Do you feel happy? Are you okay? Good. That was our first hurdle. "Welcome to New York" is a bit, well, rough, to put it lightly. You will dance to it eventually. Soon, you'll probably even like it. And hey, this is Taylor's big moment—she's putting the whole Nashville country singer schtick behind her and she's embracing her best, Beyoncést, New York self. She just doesn't quite know how to do it yet.

2. Next up is "Blank Space." It's overly auto-tuned (Tay, you have a killer voice, don't hide it!) and sounds, oddly, a bit like Katy Perry meets Lorde. The important thing is to stick with it, especially at the 57 second mark where it sounds like she's singing "Got a long list of Starbucks lovers," but really says "Got a long list of ex-lovers" (are we really only at the second song?). Truly, knowing that going into it makes it so much better and helps you overlook lines like "Love's a game, wanna play/New money, suit and tie."

3."Style."STYLE. That sounds a lot like Styles. Like Harry Styles. You guyssss, this one is juicy. It's going to be like reading a tabloid. The lyrics are proof: "You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt" and "You got that James Dean day dream look in your eye." So good. Enjoy this one.

Hmm...he's kind of hot in this one...Time to move on!

4. And we've arrived at "Out of the Woods." This is familiar. It's safe. We've talked about this one before. So now is the time to dance the feelings out. Truly. Sia, "Chandelier"-style. Change into a nude body suit and let it all gooooo.

5. Feel good? Good! Because now we have "All You Had to Do Was Stay," which is classic Taylor. Classic. You don't need any help on this one.

6. "SHAKE IT OFF." Now that you've legitimately heard this song 100 times—whether you're waiting at the dentist's office, on line, trying to hide the box of tampons in your hands at the drug store, or in the car, stuck in traffic, it's always playing—it's time to admit that you like it. In fact, this is the moment to say that you love it. Go ahead, tweet about it.

YAAAAASSS.

Getty Images

Getty Images

Getty Images

7. Time for a brain break. Listen to this, quickly:

Kanye, amirite? So crazy! He also did that weird video with Kim, remember? WEIRDEST!

Have you forgotten what track five sounded like? If not, click here to look at some puppies. If you can barely even remember the name of it, proceed to track seven, "I Wish You Would," and enjoy. It doesn't sound enough like track five to make you question your own sanity. Promise.

8. How you doin'? Look alive, man, we're more than halfway there! Next on your listen list, "Bad Blood," the frenemy anthem that's supposedly about Katy Perry. "For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not," Swift told Rolling Stone of the subject of the song, who she did divulge was a fellow female artist. "She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, 'Are we friends, or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?'" Rough.

If you came out of that song thinking Katy Perry is kind of the worst, stop the playlist immediately. Open Netflix and watch Katy Perry's Part of Me in its entirety. Trust me, you're too deep into Taylor. If anything, that song was kind of the worst. Don't worry, in two weeks, you'll cheer when it comes on in the bar and aggressively sing it at your best friend...but now, to these new, unadjusted ears "now we've got problems, now we can't solve-em" sounds super cheesy.

9.Okay, take a deep breath. Before you press play on the next track, know this: There are going to be some feels. It's also not going to be an 'N Sync respite, which, for the first three seconds when it sounded like the opening to "Bye Bye Bye" we thought it might be. (That would have been so clever, Taylor!) Instead, it's another taste of Taylor Swift of yore. Not in a bad way. If you worked up a sweat dancing around Sia-style or shaking it off, turn "Wildest Dreams" way up, hop in the shower and, you know, maybe cry a little. #safespace

10. "How You Get the Girl." This song is going to make you thirsty. Mainly because it's the song from the new Diet Coke commercial, and though you perhaps can't place it at first, you'll suddenly find yourself craving soda and hallucinating cats à la Taylor Swift (or at least wanting to be hallucinating). This is the time for a snack break—go for salty snacks, you don't need more sugar.

11. And now, "This Love." Warning: This is a slow build/burn. You're going to want to skip it. It's because you're still on a Taylor high. You probably still have "Shake It Off" in your head. You might even still be thinking those mean thoughts about Katy Perry (DID YOU WATCH Part of ME??). But really, this is an important one, because it's the Enya of 1989's tracks. Zone out and let this one just wash over you. It's happening.

12. Are you hydrating? This is a Swiftathon and not the moment to pass out. "I Know Places" is all about Tay being chased by paparazzi, and it's a bit darker. If you listen the actual lyrics, it's pretty sad: "You stand with your hand on my waist line/It's a scene and we're out here in plain sight/I can hear them whisper as we pass by/It's a bad sign, bad sign/Something happens when everybody finds out/See the vultures circling dark clouds/Love's a fragile little flame, it could burn out/It could burn out." It all goes back to what Taylor said in an interview with Esquire this month: It's our fault that she's single. And we should feel bad. Take a moment to reflect/have a glass of wine, and listen to the words in this track.

13. Taylor, being the wise pop star she is, ends her album with a revitalizing break-up song. If you haven't already whipped out the wine (really, why haven't you already whipped out the wine?) and summon your inner Kelly Clarkson, this is your moment. Choose a full-bodied red, lean back, listen to "Clean," and imagine Tay waving goodbye to Harry Styles and his greasy hair.

Cheers! You made it through! Time to finish ALL THE WINES and forget what just happened. Just kidding. It's a lot, but it's still Taylor Swift and we love her...and still feel okay about ourselves. Ish.

Sally HolmesDigital DirectorSally is the Digital Director of MarieClaire.com where she oversees coverage of all the things the Marie Claire reader wants to know about (beauty!

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