This post is R rated for raunchy behavior. Read at your own risk.

Originally, I was going to keep this post private and just share it among friends, but I’ve decided to let the world in on my review of the Spearmint Rhino at Las Vegas. This is more like a racy erotica story rather than a typical blog review. I tried to put this together as accurately and as best as I could from memory. I’ve never written anything like this before, and I thought it was a good idea for a post.

Your jaw will drop, your eyes will widen, and you may get a little hot because of how detailed this is. However, I think it’s really good. Just read to the end and you’ll know what’s possible at the Spearmint Rhino. My first experience at a gentlemen’s club completely blew away all my expectations. I am being absolutely honest about what happened.

Introduction

Until recently, I’ve never been to a “gentlemen’s club”. I just got back from a 4 night 5 day trip to Vegas. What happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas…but this is too good to not share. This past Thursday 6/18 and Friday 6/19, some of my friends and I rolled into the Spearmint Rhino Gentlemen’s Club which is right off the Las Vegas strip. I heard amazing reviews from Yelp, and professional reviews have called it one of the best clubs in Las Vegas. I’ve been told that celebrities go there often and it’s one of the classiest strip clubs you’ll ever go to. People from David Beckham and his wife to Howard Stern have been there recently. In fact, I believe Howard Stern hired some girls at the Rhino for his Vegas show. The Spearmint Rhino girls have also been featured briefly in the movie 21. You’ll never know who you’ll see, whether it’s a pornstar, a model, a celebrity, or other captains of industry visiting this place. After seeing some pictures and a few reviews, I was sold.

When I arrived with my buddies, there were two bouncers outside, one with a metal detector, and another big guy who checked my id. Cover charge is $40 (raised from $30 but it includes a paid drink) but you can supposedly get in for free if you schedule a complimentary limo ride from the club. We went there by cab so we all paid the cover.

Combined, I think my friends and I spent about $2400 at this strip club. I spent about $800 not including cover and drinks which is ridiculous, but I was prepared to ball hard. By ball hard, I mean by average civilian standards, not rich millionaire standards of dropping 10 G’s in one night. Here is a detailed account of my experience.

Spearmint Rhino from the outside

1st Night at the Rhino

Spearmint Rhino entrance

During the first night and my first time at the Rhino, I wasn’t sure what to expect as I walked in there, but I knew what I was looking for. We all walked past a group of beautiful girls who were standing by the entrance, and we made a beeline to the cashier. As I waited in line to exchange a $100 bill for five $20 bills, I spotted a stage with 3 poles and some girls dancing. There were three other things I noticed: it was really dark, there seemed to be tons of nooks and crannies in this place, and there were at least 100 strippers in this place, almost all of them 8’s or above in looks. On my scale, an average girl is a 5, a good looking girl is a 6, a pretty girl is a 7, a hot girl is an 8, and so on. You can probably imagine just how high end this club is in terms of the quality of women. They don’t just let any woman who can strip to work at the Spearmint Rhino.

While I was in line, a stripper approached me, and I had only been in the club for about 15 seconds. I summoned my willpower and said “thanks but I’m ok”. She cocks her head and asks, “Are you shy?” I say “No, I don’t want a dance right now.” After getting the money, we walk down and up a ramp, turn left into a nice lounge area, and get our drinks. On the way to the bar, there are about 20 women all unaccompanied just staring at us. It’s pretty intimidating, but you just have to learn how to say no and avoid eye contact no matter how hot they are. When we get to the bar, there’s like another 50 women, some with clients and others just chilling with drinks trying to make eye contact. I order a Redbull Vodka, find a table, and sit down on the comfy chairs with my friends.

30 seconds later, a tall sexy brunette taps me on my shoulder. I look up at her and get a little flustered as would anyone else and I’m thinking…wow just let me relax for a bit and take in the scene. She asks me “hey babe how’s it going?” I slide her a $20 and ask her to give my friend a lap dance. He has no idea what’s going on. I’m just sitting there laughing a little. Looks like the fun is about to start. Within seconds, her top comes off and she’s sliding up and down my friend. I don’t remember if my other friends had strippers approach them during this because 15 seconds later, a beautiful slim blonde comes up to me. “Hi my name is Lena” I shake her hand and tell her my name. Yeah I’m not passing on this one. I give her $20 for a lap dance that’s over way too soon.

Spearmint Rhino has an army of pretty strippers

This is the VIP lounge. $200 for 30 minutes. $400 for an hour.

1st stripper

Lena asks me if I’d like to go some place quieter. I have to agree. She tells me, “I love the tie” and drags me to the VIP lounge. I think for a few seconds about how much this will hurt my wallet…then I think ehh fuck it, my first stripper experience needs to be awesome. The lounge has an intimate feeling with square sofa booths and a tables in the middle. It’s $200 for 30 minutes and $400 for an hour, but there is a drink minimum, tips, and I think some charges if you pay with a card. I begin with the 30 minute deal. We sit down and she asks me to remove my wallet, phone, and other stuff to make it more comfortable. She asks me playfully “You look young, are you old enough to be in here?” She has a very soft girly voice. I say “Yeah, guess my age.” She guesses “24?” I reply “No, I’m 23.” I guess most of the guys who visit the Rhino are like 30 years old or in their 40s if I’m considered young. You need to be 21+ to visit the Rhino. I figured most of the audience would be younger but young 20 year olds are typically broke ass dudes.

Lena asks me where I’m from and what I’m doing here. I tell her I’m from NJ, and I’m just on a trip with some friends. She’s originally from Ohio. We move over into the corner. In the other corner, there’s some guy with tits covering his face, and I just see flesh everywhere. Lena asks me if it’s my first time at the Spearmint Rhino. I say “Yeah, I’ve never been here before.” She perks up and says, “Ooo it’s your first time, so you’re like a Rhino virgin!” I nod uneasily. This girl was young, hot, and it was kind of making me uncomfortable if that makes any sense at all. She smiles at me and says “Mmm, you’re soooo cute, can I keep you forever?” What happens next is kind of a blur. She began her dance and her top came off. She had smaller natural breasts that looked amazing. At first, I had no idea where I could touch or what I could do. I remember asking to cup her breasts, and I touched her nipples which she said felt really sensitive. She told me I could go anywhere but down there (which are the strip club rules). She asked me if I like blondes or brunettes. I said “blondes are nice”, and she replied “I like brunettes”. I slowly massaged her sensitive breasts while she writhed around. Then I ran my fingers down her back while she grinded into me. I noticed an intricate bird tattoo on her back right above her ass, and I asked her about it. She asked me “Do you have any ink?” I told her no. She said “Only get it if you’re completely sure about it.” Her ass was really really nice even though she was so slim. It was really tight and soft, with smooth slightly tanned skin, and a nice curve to the sides. She slotted it perfectly into my lap, and I thought wow…she has one of the tightest nicest bodies I’ve ever seen. I wanted to ask how many times strippers moisturize a day because she smelled so good and was so soft.

She rubbed my arms a lot and said, “Your arms are so smooth, I love it.” Yeah, so I naturally have hairless arms. It must be a good thing though because they get a lot of attention. Girls have said that I have great arms and that they feel nice. Anyway, enough about me, back to the action. Lena lifts up my shirt and licks her lips, “Mmm boxers?” I nod. She asks if I’m ticklish. I lie and say no. She moves her hands around my stomach and slides them up my chest. I try not to laugh. Then she comes up and wraps her arms around my neck while straddling me. I kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear “You’re so cute Lena.” She thanks me and kneels on the ground. Suddenly, she puts her throat against my cock and starts humming which has a pleasant vibrating effect. It is really ridiculous. She plays with my tie a little, sits on my lap and pumps up and down, and mostly grinds into me while singing a little to the music. A few minutes later, she cuddles up against me and asks “Mmm, I love cuddling, do you?” I blurt out numbly “uh yeah…”. She cocks her head at me and asks “Really? Or are you just saying that?” I say “no really, it’s nice”. I let her rest against me, and I stroke her for a bit. Before I know it, 30 minutes is up. Fuck… I sigh and buy another 30 minutes. We take a little break and chat while sipping our drinks. I ask her if she goes to the gym. She says, “No, I do Yoga. I was into sports when I was kid. I was a runner, played basketball, was on a soccer team…” She trails off… I thought well…no wonder she’s so lithe and hot.

In round 2, Lena asks me if I need to adjust my pants and if my crotch is ok. I’m wearing slim jeans and there’s not much you can do for adjustment so I lie and say I’m ok. She sees my sunglasses and asks about them. I tell her they’re aviators. “Ray bans?” “Yeah” She asks me to put them on. I slip them on and she grins “You look like a cop”. She says “they’re not so good on me because I have a narrow face”. She puts them on and I tell her they still look nice. All of a sudden, the dancing starts up again. During the second 30 minutes, Lena lets me remove her panties (she’s wearing two pairs) and underneath is a very skimpy black thong. As the panties slide down her leg, she says “Oops my panties are stuck on my heel.” I slide my hand down her leg and remove them. Lena lifts up my shirt, removes my belt, and then she says seductively, “Mmm these can be dangerous”. She makes a snapping whip sound with it and puts it to the side. She pouts at me and says “I’ve been really naughty” and forces me to slap her ass and slide a finger up and down the side of her thong. She tells me to rub her ass while she’s feeling me up. “Hey, feel my ass and how soft it is!” I give it a little squeeze and stroke it a bit. Yep, super soft and toned. I explore her body with my hands from her back to her shoulders to her breasts to her thong. She slides her hand into her pussy and rubs it while rubbing my crotch with her other hand. Lena gives me a little mischievous smirk and tells me, “I don’t let people remove these panties very often.” I grin at her, and I plant a kiss on her shoulders and rub her back.

Near the middle of the routine, she grinds into me softly, while I thrust into her softly. She eventually sandwiches her ass right on top of my hard-on and sort of squeezes until I almost felt like cumming through my jeans. Oh man, she’s good. I inch back a little because the feeling is just too much. If it’s possible to have sex through clothing, then Lena accomplished it with flying rainbow colors. Five out of five stars. Two thumbs up. 1st place. If you’re laughing right now, so am I. It’s crazy.

After the dance is over, I sign the bill and tip her. She gives me a hug and kiss on the cheek, I thank her, and then I’m on my way back to the main floor. I meet up with my friends and they’re all getting lap dances. The club is crazy by this point at about 1am.

Spearmint Rhino pole girl

I have to note now what I was wearing. I had on a white double pocket shirt with rolled up sleeves, dark slim straight jeans, GUESS wingtips, and a nice black silk skinny tie. I also had non-reflective Ray-Ban aviators to complete the cop/pilot look. Yeah, I wore these sunglasses into the club at NIGHT like a gigantic douche, because I knew it would get attention and ‘wtf, who is this guy?’ reactions from people.

As I sit back down to finish my other drink that I left at the table, a Hispanic chick with an accent comes up to me. She asks me how I’m doing and if I’d like a dance. I say “no I’m fine for now”. Then randomly, she talks about how she met a gay dude earlier, and she wondered why they bother coming here. I say, “ehhh, he probably just wanted to avoid dances”. She says a few more things and that it was nice meeting me and she moved on. About 30 seconds later, two Asian strippers and a brunette tap my shoulder. I say no because I want a break. About another 30 seconds later, a gorgeous blonde with a nice smile and pretty eyes comes up on my right side. She asks me how I’m doing and if I remember right, her name is Sierra?

2nd stripper

I have to say this stripper and I meshed really well. She’s quite good at what she does. Anyway, I introduce myself to Sierra and where I’m from. She says “Oooo a Jersey boy”. I tell her I used to work in the financial industry for a bank, but I’m trying to find entertainment/media work like for tv or movie production. I give her $20 and she starts a lap dance. She had pretty large tits, probably fake, but they were really well done. I’ve never seen anything like these in my life. She slides up on me and tells me “Wow, you’re hella warm”. She plays with my tie a little and tells me that she loves it. The dance is really nice and I end up going to the 3 songs for $100 – private lap dance room. Sierra playfully drags me by my tie to the room. I tell her I need to go to the bathroom and she says ok and waits for me. I visit the bathroom where there’s a “paper towel guy” and an ATM right by it. The women’s bathroom door is open and there are tons of strippers in the bathroom readying themselves. I come out, meet back up with Sierra, and I walk into the private lap dance room which isn’t really completely private. It’s just a room with a bunch of booths next to each other and you can kind of see what’s going on in the other booths. She laughs and says “wow it got hella dark in this room. Oh God… are they really playing country music in here?”

We sit down at a booth and I remove my wallet and other belongings just like before. Sierra examines me for a few seconds and tells me “hmm you look hella young.” She sure loves to use the word “hella”. I ask her to guess my age. She says “25?” I laugh a little because 25 is not young to me. I tell her I’m 23, and that I’m Asian so that when I’m 30 I’ll look 25. She smiles and says yeah I have a little Asian in me and she tells me she’s a quarter Filipino and half German. Well, she doesn’t look like she has much Asian in her at all. Her eyes are kind of exotic but they are green/blue. She guesses that I’m Japanese or maybe a little Filipino like her but nope…I tell her, “I’m Chinese”. Sierra wrinkles her nose, “hmm really?” I nod. She tells me she’s 23 too, and that she generally doesn’t hang out with guys her age because they’re all assholes and immature. She says, “but you’re nice, you don’t act like the guys I’ve met”. I find out she lives in Las Vegas, NV. “Yep, I’m one of those crazy ones that have lived here forever. We chat about Cirque du Soleil shows, when she’s been to the east coast, and how awesome Florida is. She says, “Yeah Florida is nice and I’d definitely be there instead of here but they don’t pay as much as they do here.” Well…that’s no surprise haha. She asks me if I’m ready and the dance begins.

She slides up on me and slowly removes her skimpy top. She grabs my tie and tells me she has a tie fetish and loves it. She tugs on it, laughs, and starts to act like a cowgirl hopping up and down. This is going to be good. Everything is a blur at this point, and I’m just enjoying myself. I slide a finger from her neck, circle her breast and spiral inwards toward her nipple, and come back down to her belly button. I think back to the first stripper…I point to her nipples and ask her “Are you sensitive there?” She says “No, not really. It feels really good.” As she’s grinding into me facing forward, she tells me “You’re hella cute, I just want to take you back home with me.” I thank her and tell her that she’s really cute too. Pretty soon, the set is over and she asks me if I want to keep going. Well obviously!

We take a break and she talks about how there’s an image of east coast people being rude and impatient. I agree. She tells me how nice I am and she asks me if I’m single. I say yeah and she’s really surprised. “Wow, that’s crazy that you don’t have a girlfriend.” We chat a little more, she brings up sex and how she has yet to have sex with an Asian guy. Uhhh..right… Pretty soon, she starts her second set.

I try to be as sensual as I possibly can here for two reasons. I am enjoying her immensely and Sierra clearly really enjoys the sensual touching. As she moves on top of me this time, I take a chance to kiss her shoulder and her neck. She goes “aww you’re so sweet” and kisses me on the face. At this point, this dance starts to get really hot and sexual because I know she’ll allow me to really kiss and touch her. She grabs my tie and yanks me towards her breasts. I cup one and kiss her nipple and I kiss the top of the other one. She grabs my hair and says “I love your hair, it’s nice and thick here.” As she’s grinding in a circular pattern, I begin to kiss her at the V of her neck and I slide down and suck on a nipple. I have to say she tasted amazing and smelled intoxicating.

Then she breathes hot air into my ear while fondling my hair and purring softly. I’m moving my hands down her chest and around her belly button. She leans her back against my chest and nuzzles her head right up against my right shoulder. I slide her hair back a bit and kiss her on the side of her neck up to her ear and her cheek. She says again “Mmm, you’re so sweet” and I sigh and tell her, “God, you’re so hot.” She flips around and straddles me, I moan a little in her ear and she kisses me back on my ear, does a sexy purr, and bites it a little. I kiss her on the mouth briefly before I start to work on her neck again. I’m hugging her real tight and sliding my hands down her back. At this point, we’re both hot and breathing heavily and we end up just resting a bit. Before we know it, the set is over. She says “I don’t know if that was the 3rd or 4th song, but I really like you so whatever, and I’m kind of high right now.” I laugh and say ok (I’m pretty sure it was the 4th so I got a freebie). In hindsight, I should have asked her for some weed for my friend. She asks me if I want to take a break or keep going. I’m okay with one more set because this is like one of the hottest dances ever. She says, we’ll wait for the next song to start. She lights up a cigarette and asks me if I want some. I take a drag and give it back to her. God this shit is hot.

When the next set of songs start, we resume our lap dancing. This is crazy. This stripper is passionate like no one else in the private room and this is my SECOND stripper ever. We’re just ravishing each other like we can’t get enough. Way too hot. I kiss her starting at her ear all the way to her mouth. She smiles, and says “oh God…everytime you do that…I just wanna…” and she trails off, growls and bites my ear, and kisses me on my neck. I slide my hands around her breasts, push them together and kiss both of them at the same time. She grabs them and shoves them into my nose. I ask her how low I can go and she tells me “everything but the cookie jar.” She knows the strict club rules, but I’m sure if the bouncer wasn’t looking in every now and then that I would have been able to give her some more action. Anyway, I rub her thighs a bit while we press our noses against each other, and I’m just breathing in her scent. I stroke her chin and kiss her on the nose. She smiles affectionately and darts in for a kiss to my ear and mouth, and she runs her hands through my hair. She says “You’re really cute and sweet and you’ll make a girl really happy one day.” Lol, this girl is good.

The set ends and Sierra tells me that I can call her or get her on the pager instead of trying to find her in this big place. She makes sure I have all my belongings and says “The couch almost swallowed your wallet.” She asks me for a hug, and we walk out together. I have the biggest smile on my face. She hugs me again, I thank her, and I tell her I’m going to the bathroom. I come back out and a blonde comes out of the bathroom. She says “hey baby, wanna come with me? I’ll rock your world!” I decline even though she’s hot because I’ve already spent more than enough money for the night.

I’m walking back to where my friends are and damn!!! I realize that I completely forgot to get Sierra’s number. I wanted to see if she would come entertain me and my friends at the MGM Grand the next day. Oh well, I didn’t bother to find her in the club since it was really crowded at this point. Also, I wanted to stop spending money. I get back to the table and my buddies say, “Wow where have you been, you disappeared for like 2 hours.” Hahaha. I decline a few other stripper advances as I sit down, and I wait for my friends to finish their dances. We leave the club at like 2:30am with smiles on our faces and talk about it for the rest of the night into the next day. Hell, we’re still talking about it even after we got back to the East coast. Fun times.

2nd night at the Rhino

Spearmint Rhino main stage

So on Friday night, I went back to the Spearmint Rhino with two friends. As I stepped through the door, I noticed that it was 3 times more packed than yesterday. There was barely room to walk and pretty much all the strippers were occupied. Tons of guys were just standing around the pole area or by the bar looking completely lame. Like 20 minutes pass and finally one of my friends is dragged away for an hour at the VIP lounge. I walk around with my other buddy for a little bit and decide that if nothing happens, we’re just going to bounce in 30 minutes.

3rd stripper

Jana Jordan works for Spearmint Rhino too but she wasn't in Vegas.

About 10 minutes later, a young, pretty, tall girl with long blonde hair approaches me. I hear a girl say “Hey…” directly behind me. I look around at all the other guys just standing around. Nope, she’s talking to me. Nice! She asks me about my drink and if I’m drunk. It’s another Redbull Vodka, and I’m not at all drunk. I smile at her and she checks me out for a bit then says, “hey… I think I like you.” She tells me her name is Sayshelle (spelling?) like a spinoff of seashell. I tell her that I can’t go with her anywhere until I get someone for my buddy. I didn’t want to leave him standing around. I thought oh well, there she goes. Surprisingly, she didn’t move on to the other guys who were just standing around sipping their drinks waiting for strippers. She says “ok, I’ll find a hot girl. Blonde or brunette?” I tell her it doesn’t matter. About a minute passes, and she finds a brunette for him. I suggest that we can start at the private room. We walk over to the 3 songs for $100 – private lap dance room. It’s extremely busy this night and there’s a line.

While we’re on line, Sayshelle asks me how old I am. I ask her to guess and to keep in mind that I’m Asian so I might look younger than I am. She says, “24?” I say “Close, I’m 23.” She says, “My next guess would have been 21, it’s hard to tell with Asians.” I say, “Yeah, I’ll still look young and hot when I’m 30.” She laughs and says “Well I’m 22, when’s your birthday?” I tell her and she says “so you’re about 9 months older than me.” My friend’s stripper behind us says something along the lines of “Mmm, I’m an oldie” but she doesn’t look too much older than us though.

Sayshelle tells me she’s from LA and a total valley girl. I try not to roll my eyes because she does have a California girl accent. It’s cute but also kind of annoying. She mentions how she loves reality TV and that she likes trance music. I ask her a question about trance, and I make some comments about Armin Van Buuren and DJ Tiesto. She answers my questions correctly. I ask her about how the club is on Saturday and she tells me that it’s actually not as busy and that some girls don’t bother showing up for work. I find out she’s been working for about 2 weeks. Nice, I got a newbie stripper.

The three song set starts and she starts to climb on me while I’m trying to get my wallet, phone, and other shit out of my pocket. Haha, so eager. She removes her top exposing some incredible looking breasts. She starts to grind on me as I run my fingers down her neck around her breasts and to her belly button jewelry. Going into the second song, I kiss her on the shoulder and she says “Aww” and laughs. I slowly begin to kiss elsewhere to see if she would encourage it. She does. She moves her left breast in for a kiss and then her right breast in. She tastes so good and smells like peaches. I lean back and run my fingers up and down her body. She seems to be really enjoying it at this point, just staring down at me and smiling. I’m just enjoying her trim figure. The set seems to be over way too fast. She asks if I want to do another. I say “ok one more would be nice”.

Going into the second set, she raises up on her toes, arches her back, and starts to bounce up and down on my cock which is now bulging up through my slim jeans. I start to thrust upwards and lift up off the seat a few times. LOL. I have no idea if she wants me to do that but the dance is starting to get smoldering hot. So, I stop after 30 seconds and she’s still slamming her pussy into my jeans. She laughs, closes her eyes, and just has this sexy expression of lust. Well now I know she really wants it. She’s driving down as hard as she can until I could feel her pussy bone ramming my crotch. We dry hump really hard for a little bit before I stop because it’s starting to hurt. I interlock my fingers with her right hand and she hugs me really close and nuzzles my neck. She moves my hand to her leg and I stroke her inner thigh for a bit. I whisper in her ear, “You’re really really cute.” She laughs and says “It takes one to know one!” and fondles the back of my head.

Now she’s just sliding back and forth on the bulge, and it looks like she really wants to jerk herself off on this. She’s digging in and trying to push and mush our genitals as close as possible through clothes. It kind of hurt, but I really can’t complain. She turns around and leans her back on my chest, and puts her head against my shoulder. She’s grinning at me so I stroke her chin, slowly kiss her neck multiple times, and play with the cross necklace that is draped between her breasts. That kind of jewelry is super hot. As I’m blowing hot and cold air into her ear, I’m drawing circles around her tits. She closes her eyes going “mmmm” and leans in to kiss my ear. By the end of the set, we’re both feeling hot and heavy, and I rub her body a bit more. She giggles and asks me “Can I get a hug? That’s always free.” I give her a hug, a tip for being so good, and we walk out. We smile at each other, wave goodbye, and I head to the bathroom.

After a quick piss, I join my friends who want to leave. One of them had a lame experience because his stripper brushed his hands away when he tried to feel up her breasts. I guess they didn’t connect too well? The other had a really good time spending an hour at the VIP lounge. He said there was ice involved…that’s cool haha.

We jump into a cab and I spend the last night in Vegas at the MGM Grand gambling in roulette. The past two days were so MONEY, that I didn’t even realize how awesome it was until I got off the plane in Philadelphia and all the glitz and glamour were gone.

In Hindsight

Lena Nicole is a Rhino girl (not the same Lena I had)

Jana Jordan is a Rhino girl. Imagine if she gave lap dances.

Jana Jordan at a Spearmint Rhino booth at AVN 2008.

It was pretty awesome that I managed to get three different amazing strippers who approached me and gave me an amazing set of dances. They were young, able to speak to me like a normal human being, and they didn’t just try to hustle me for more and more money.

How do you know if a stripper is not just an emotionless shell trying to use you like an ATM? How do you know if a stripper picks you because she likes you? How do you know if a stripper thinks you’re a good patron? Well shit I don’t really know, and I don’t really care but these questions may cross your mind briefly. I guess if you had my experience, then you’ll know that the stripper probably likes you enough to open up a bit more. Either that, or they’re really good actresses.

Ultimately, there’s really no point in reading too much into how strippers behave. Keep in mind that you’re paying money for an experience and you should get what you pay for. If you get anything extra and above and beyond what you expect, then good for you. Make sure you look rich, or at least nice and approachable. Sure they’ll try whatever it takes to make as much money as possible, but they’ll also stay away from drunken, shitty, ugly, or sleazy assbags when they can. They will not hesitate to complain and get a bouncer to remove you if they don’t like you. This is important to note on busy nights when there’s way too many guys available to handle. If they come to you over a group of other guys, then there’s something about you that attracted their attention. Just be happy about it and have fun.

When I used to think “strip club”, I thought about sad women who’ve made some very wrong choices in their life. I thought about whether or not some of these women have morals. I wondered what happened in their life to get them into this kind of job? I thought about how they justify it by saying it’s a way to make a living, or that they got sucked into a world of stuntin’, or they do it to get themselves through schooling, or because they’re just nymphos. I questioned the validity of the profession, and now I’m astonished at how much money these women can potentially make. I thought it was a waste to just spend the rest of your life stripping and then spending that money on dumb shit. I thought about the abusive and/or horrified fathers out there and whether they still love their daughter, or the crazy fathers who know but feel absolutely fine. I wondered about the regular who goes week after week, night after night, lap dance after lap dance, hoping that the stripper he sees will take a genuine interest in him.

Well you know what? Fuck all that. My presumptuous attitude about these places is regrettable. Don’t knock something till you’ve tried it, right? The girls at the Spearmint Rhino just want to have fun and so should the guys that go there. I can’t stress that enough. Know that a gentleman’s club is way different from a strip club, and these classier joints seem to be springing up all around the country. It’s your American duty to support these women who put on a fantastic show and prove that the female form is art. Help change the world into a sexier place $20 at a time.

On a final note, if you don’t have at least $140 to spend, don’t bother going to this club. Ideally, you should go in ballin’ or don’t go in at all. To sum up the menu: $20 for regular lap dances, $100 for private 3 song dances, $200 for 30 minutes in the VIP, $400 for an hour in the VIP. Don’t forget about drink minimums and extra charges. Use their limo service to avoid cover. Women can’t really get into this club unless they work there, do some bribing, or have an entourage of guys. In fact, I don’t think I saw any woman in this club that wasn’t a stripper. My only regret is that I wanted to make it rain in the VIP, but sadly I didn’t have enough cash.

Occasionally I’ll let my mind wander back to those two nights and how surreal it was.

Just remember not to fall in love, remember that you’re paying for an experience, wear a sexy tie, and you’ll definitely have fun at the Spearmint Rhino Las Vegas.

Alanna Kolette is a 21 year old, 5′ 7″ brunette model with a megawatt smile and a megasweet rack. She was born in Oklahoma City, OK, is a mix between German, Irish, and Native American, started modeling in her teens, likes to watch movies and be lazy, and she uses her sex appeal to get into high-end clubs. Sounds great, but there’s more. Check out the interview at -> http://www.hotimportnights.com/events/profile.asp?id=206

A couple weeks ago, I debated whether or not to goto Englishtown, NJ for one of the HIN (Hot Import Nights) 2009 shows. I didn’t go based on a past experience; it’s like $35 to just look at terribly modded cars and experience mediocre entertainment. That’s not to say all the cars are terrible, but seeing and speaking with some hot models is about the only thing that makes it a bearable show. Even then, the sweaty throngs of obese Asian and Guido photographers mobbing me to get to the models isn’t fun. At any rate, Alanna Kolette is probably worth half the admission price. I didn’t notice this woman until I saw her on a flyer. You might recognize her as Miss HIN 2009, the top model for the import car show circuit. Her face is distinctive and that’s obviously important in a sea of attractive models.

Alanna Kolette radiates with hotness

Here are some of the best photos I could find. Lots of credit to the photographers who took these pictures.

Sara Jean Underwood was Playmate of the Year back in 2007 and I think she’s one of the best looking girls I’ve ever seen. It would be absurd to say she’s got that girl next door type of look since I’ve NEVER seen a girl next door quite like her, but that’s what many people think. She has an approachable, likable quality about her. I stumbled upon this photoshoot she did for Blackbelt TV, and I think she looks scorching hot. So here are the photos.

Sara Jean Underwood makes pink boxing gloves look awesome.

Gallery of 12 more pictures. Click to enlarge to high resolution pics.

Sara Jean Underwood will win any boxing fight with these gloves

Just how hot can Sara Jean Underwood get? Too hot to show on WordPress.

There’s always room for Megan Fox on this blog. Her latest shenanigans involve a scorching hot video by Esquire Magazine, hamming it up on the Jonah Hex movie set, and being set to play a raven haired beauty in Fathom, a movie adaptation of a comic book by an artist I actually like.

Megan Fox in ESQUIRE Magazine

Her recently popular magazine shoot is with Esquire Magazine. They have an exclusive video capturing Megan Fox from the moment she wakes up to what she eats at lunch. I don’t believe that many women can wake up writhing and arching their back, drink a beer, eat a fat burger and look as good as she does. It’s a gift.

From the DailyMail:

Photographer Greg Williams shot the hottest actress with a hi-tech Red One camera, which meant he could grab stills of her at the end. He recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage – getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, lighting a barbecue. “It allowed her to act,” Williams says. “She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture.” Williams was then left with ten minutes of footage which he turned into a mini-film called ‘Good Morning, Megan Fox.’

Megan Fox sleeping and waking up

Megan Fox jumps right into her clothes

Megan Fox lounges by the pool

Megan Fox chills by the pool with beer and barbecue

Megan Fox fixing her makeup

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Click thumbnails to enlarge to 1280 x 736 screen caps.

Megan Fox in Jonah Hex

Megan Fox in a tight corset for the Jonah Hex movie

Megan has also been caught recently wearing a slinky costume with a tiny midsection on the Jonah Hex movie set. She squeezed her 22in waist into an 18in corset meaning her waist is about 6 inches across. That sounds like a reasonable torture to look hot. She stars as Leila opposite Josh Brolin who plays Jonah Hex. The movie is about some ridiculous bounty hunter fighting a voodoo practitioner that raises an undead army out in the wild west.

Megan Fox plays Leila, gun-wielding love interest of Jonah Hex

From the DailyMail:

“When Megan first slipped into it she almost couldn’t breathe,” said a source. “It’s extremely tight – but I think you’ll all agree she looks sensational.”

“Megan’s got an intriguing role in the film,” said the source. “By day she’s the epitome of respectability – by night she’s a man-eating vice girl. And without giving too much away I can tell you she’s one hot ticket in some sizzling scenes.”

It’s been rumored that her character is a prostitute. I heartily approve this decision. Bravo!

Megan Fox in Fathom

Aspen Matthews is the main character in Michael Turner's Fathom

Her next big project will be Fathom, a comic book series adapted for the big screen. Megan Fox plays Aspen Matthews, a marine biologist who is the victim of an attack at an underwater research station. Aspen finds that her anatomy is not quite human and eventually discovers that she’s part of an underwater race hiding from humanity called The Blue. This race and their city is like Atlantis, very technologically advanced and apprehensive of humans. Aspen is abducted and they attempt to use her as a weapon since certain members of the Blue can manipulate water and energy. She finds that she’s more powerful than she could have ever imagined. Chaos ensues. She fights bad guys. People die. World is changed forever. Sounds like it could be epic right?

She definitely has the looks to pull off Aspen Matthews. I photoshopped these set of pictures together so you can see a side by side comparison.

Megan Fox will look scorching hot as Aspen Matthews in Fathom

Aspen Matthews from Fathom and Megan Fox

From MTV:

The 22-year-old actress claims to have been a lifelong comic reader with a penchant for the late Michael Turner’s artwork — which is why her upcoming turn as the lead character in “Fathom” is nothing short of a dream come true. “[‘Fathom’ is] a comic book property by my favorite artist, Michael Turner,” Fox told USA Weekend during a photo shoot with herself and soon-to-be “Green Hornet” star Seth Rogen. “It’s about this underwater race of people, and it’s plausible, really, because so much of the ocean is unexplored. We don’t really know what’s under there. It could be happening, which I like.”

Like Megan Fox, I also like Michael Turner’s creative work, he does some fantastic and unique looking art. I’ve been following his work since I was in high school. The Fathom movie was planned to be directed by James Cameron back in the late 90s, but that obviously never happened. I’m glad it didn’t happen until now because there wasn’t a suitable brunette to play this role back in the 90s. Megan Fox saves the day again. It must be a tough life being a heroine all the time.

Miranda Kerr

"I was blessed with good genetics, but my essence is very happy and warm and I don't take my job too seriously. I'm not saving lives here." - Miranda Kerr

Miranda Kerr is a unique, untraditional kind of beauty in the Victoria’s Secret model lineup. I remember very clearly the first time I saw this woman on television. It was back in 2006, and I was in the family room in my house on a winter night watching the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. My sister made some remark about the model on TV, and I notice a non-Brazilian model with a cute dimpled face hamming it up and down the runway with a giant megaphone. I searched for a bit on the internet but I couldn’t find out what her name was…that is until a few weeks later when I saw her again on TV and on the internet.

"I don’t look at myself as a sex symbol. I see it as a job, and I’m working for a company that I really love and enjoy working for." - Miranda Kerr

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a person look similar to her. Some people think she looks kind of weird like a baby faced doll. I don’t disagree, she looks strange in some photos but so does every supermodel. Miranda Kerr has a girl-next-door look most of the time but she can have a super hot look on a moment’s notice. I think the Australian accent works well too. When Alessandra Ambrosio or Adriana Lima try to speak in English, I’d rather they keep their mouth closed because they sound retarded. When Miranda Kerr speaks, she’s understandable and her voice adds a pleasant touch to her persona. It’s also kind of funny. Listen to the way she says “wings”, “mystery”, and “push-up”.

For a post like this, I think it’s better to show pictures rather than go through a whole exhaustive list of biographical information. However, here’s a summary background on this supermodel.

Miranda Kerr has very beautiful distinctive eyes.

Miranda Kerr is a 25 year old supermodel born Sydney, Australia but raised in the rural town of Gunnedah. She was a tomboy when she was young; she was racing motorbikes, riding horses on her grandmother’s farm, and not afraid to get dirty with the guys. “It was a very grounding thing to grow up in the country where there wasn’t any pretentiousness and no one really cared what you were wearing. You could just be you,” she says of her childhood. Miranda entered the fashion industry in her mid-teens after winning a competition that sparked some controversy.

From the Daily Telegraph:

One of her friends entered her into the Dolly/Impulse Covergirl Competition by asking Kerr’s mother, Therese, for some photos from the family album and secretly posting them off.

“I didn’t want her to be a model, so I supplied photos of Miranda that showed her crooked teeth!” laughs Therese. “She has gorgeous teeth now after years of wearing braces, but I thought it might put the judges off.”
It didn’t. Kerr won the 1997 competition and flew to Sydney for the photoshoot, one week before her 14th birthday. “There was some stiff competition, but Miranda’s photo was stunning. I’ve never forgotten it,” remembers Shonagh Walker, one of the judges and the beauty and lifestyle editor of Dolly.

But the win took a nasty turn when several media pundits declared Kerr too young to appear on a magazine cover, saying the photos might attract pedophiles and that the shoot was “pornographic”.“I couldn’t understand the fuss. It was a magazine for young girls, so why shouldn’t young girls be modelling in it?” says Kerr. After the fuss died down, Kerr decided to finish high school before she started working in modelling seriously.

After receiving tons of commercial exposure through Australian surf clothing chain Billabong, Miranda cycled through agencies, runway and print campaigns for brands like Levi’s, Neiman Marcus, Rock and Republic, Roberto Cavalli, etc. In 2006, she broke into the US market through a cosmetics contract with Maybelline New York. That lead to better things as she became the first Australian model to be offered a contract with Victoria’s Secret. In a short period of time she became the first Australian Victoria’s Secret Angel joining Gisele Bündchen, Alessandra Ambrosio, Karolína Kurková, Adriana Lima, Selita Ebanks, Izabel Goulart, and Heidi Klum. She gained quite a bit of exposure as she appeared on the 2006, 2007, and 2008 fashion shows. In addition to that, she’s the new face of Californian fashion retailer Arden B and Australian retailer David Jones. In 2008, Miranda Kerr earned approximately $3.5 million which puts her on the top 10 highest paid models.

These shorts look hot on Miranda Kerr.

“The US has fallen in love with her,” says leading fashion, beauty and celebrity photographer Russell James from Los Angeles. “We love her because she has the most incredible girl-next-door look and she’s also insanely beautiful.

“It means women are not intimidated by her looks and guys think they might be able to talk to her. It’s a fantastic combination.”

There are three things that mark Miranda Kerr as something special in the modelling world. Unlike some of her beautiful colleagues, she has an effervescent personality. People want to be around her; she’s fun on a shoot.

“And she’s not stupid, which can be a very annoying trait among some models” adds James, who recently shot Kerr for Victoria’s Secret. “She’s outstandingly professional and she always turns up to the job in a great mood. I’d place her in my Top 10 alongside Gisele and Heidi Klum.” Secondly, she really sells product.

“It’s all about the bottom line for the clients. It’s as blunt as that,” says her Sydney agent, Ursula Hufnagl of Chic Management. “The clients want to sell their product and Miranda has one of those very open personalities that the public relates to.”

Thirdly, she’s a Buddhist. And we’re not talking about that brand of celebrity feel-good Buddhism. Kerr has rejected the fast-lane lifestyle of many of the top models.

She turns 26 on April 20th, but I easily thought she was younger. Currently, she’s residing in New York and dating Orlando Bloom. Her book is due to be released soon. It’s an inspirational self-esteem self-help book called Treasure Yourself aimed at the female teenage demographic. Miranda says, “Basically, it’s a whole lot of information that I’ve found, that has helped me. If I can help one girl by doing this then I’ve completed my purpose.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that quote but I’m not sure I would have the patience to write a book, no matter how dumb or easy it sounds. I don’t want to take anything away from her though. Miranda Kerr is easily one of the more educated, humble, and charismatic models to come around in a long time.

*Happy Sexy New Year*

It’s almost time to ring in 2008 with celebrations throughout the United States. I started this blog as an experiment not thinking it would amount to much, and now I’m close to getting 100k hits. Thanks to the power of blogging and to all readers, browsers, and picture lookers.

Celebrate the start of 2008 with these two excellent french champagnes…

It happens to all famous attractive women. Eventually they will transform into something NOT so attractive. They’ll get the verbal beatdown on the internet, in magazines, and in real life. Villages will burn, livestock will be slaughtered, and children will be forced to wear funny outfits. Jennifer Love Hewitt cannot accept this and has fought back with her mighty words.

Onher Web site, Hewitt says, “I’ve sat by in silence for a long time now about the way women’s bodies are constantly scrutinized. To set the record straight, I’m not upset for me, but for all of the girls out there that are struggling with their body image. “A size two is not fat! Nor will it ever be. And being a size zero doesn’t make you beautiful.

“What I should be doing is celebrating some of the best days of my life and my engagement to the man of my dreams, instead of having to deal with photographers taking invasive pictures from bad angles. I know what I look like, and so do my friends and family. And like all women out there should, I love my body.

“To all girls with butts, boobs, hips and a waist, put on a bikini — put it on and stay strong.”

You know your words have been heard when you’re on the front cover of People Magazine. Yes I know, I also thought WTF?

After all this mud flinging over the internet, you’d think she actually is really upset but noooo…she’s upset for all the girls out there struggling with their body image. What a crock of shit. Just shrug and admit that you do indeed look fat, but at least you’re not Britney Spears. What a shame though, she used to look pretty damn hot.