Growing up in vicinity of the delightful Lincolnshire oasis that is Grantham, La Liga Loca had to develop a vivid imagination from birth to survive the experience of a Little Chef that clung to the A1 being the most exciting place in the neighbourhood. So, the blog has gone wild in its mind recreating how the last 10 minutes of the transfer market in Spain must have been in Real Madrid's Santiago Bernabéu offices.

“What does this mean! You need to download the latest version of Adobe Software?! Where’s the password! It was on a post-it note! Where's the paper for the fax machine?! Florentino is going to execute us! Gaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!” Either that or a particularly slapstick scene involving the Minions jabbing a refresh button, waiting for an email while firing staples into the backs of each other's heads.

Leaving it late

From the she-said, he-said aspect of what happened between the bickering pair, the one actual fact that comes out of the stories is that the whole David de Gea business was dealt with far too late and was always going to be one printer jam away from failure. In fact, both clubs should be punished for torturing us all summer with stories about the Manchester United goalkeeper moving back to Spain since the end of May. Especially as it turns out that the pair of faffing football clubs only started talking about a rather complex deal on Monday. Monday! Four blooming months of blooming stories! For nothing! That’ll learn us.

Maybe next year, eh Dave?

Any hoo, De Gea is still at Manchester United with best buddy Louis van Gaal, and the Premier League club have their best player potentially back in business. That is, once the former Atlético Madrid man can be disconnected from the suitcase he's been hugging for two days now while in racks of sobs. Actually, De Gea is in Madrid but with the Spanish national camp, so that last part isn't entirely true.

Everyone loses (almost)

Over in Madrid, the club will probably end up getting De Gea for free in a year’s time – despite Wednesday’s Marca claiming that he is thinking about renewing his current United deal now – and have the perfectly good Keylor Navas in goal for a year. Once the former Levante man can unflex his knuckles after pretty much being forced into the footballing equivalent of a horse box and packed off to Old Trafford. ‘Awkward’ could describe the next meeting between Florentino Pérez and the Costa Rican keeper.

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As it turns out, Navas was probably the only winner from the fiasco, considering that he was quite happy to stay in the lovely city of Madrid having only moved to his abode a year ago.

Everyone else comes out of the affair looking none too clever. Real failed in their Galactico signing of the summer. United are stuck with two Spanish keepers who don't want to be at Old Trafford. De Gea is squatting in football limbo-land. As Wednesday’s AS cover says: “Two guilty parties. One victim.”