Monday, 29 September 2014

Gloria Swanston's Kitchen

I’ve always been rather leery about
bars. Though perhaps unfair, I feel like it’s often warranted. It’s not that
bars don’t serve food, but I’ve realised that most people don’t go to bars to
eat, even if the food is good. But like I always say: whatever floats your
goat. And it’s food, not beer, that floats mine.

Though the sign from the street
says ‘Lounge’, it has since gone and reinvented itself, emerging as Gloria Swanston’s Kitchen.
Still, a lounge is very much what it is – the music is booming, and there’s a
disco ball hanging from the ceiling, casting fractals across the nooks and
crannies. With the added bonus of a sheltered balcony for smokers, this is very
much a place for the youngsters, especially the ones from RMIT, which is just
up the road. Luckily, the staff at the bar are hip yet down to earth, with none
of the pretension you may expect.

Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5)

Ethan’s birthday was about a month
ago, and because I couldn’t make it to the dinner, I’d vowed to treat the good
man to whatever he wanted, which was a good burger. After consulting The Burger Adventure, which is the be-all-end-all guide to burgers of Melbourne
if you ask me, we sunk our teeth into the aptly named Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5).

Kick-Ass Beef Burger ($16.5)

It’s not often you get a burger
full of salty bacon and double cheese, melted over the thick patty (juicy and
charred) by default, so when it happens, it is indeed rather kick-ass. The
fatty, messy mouthfuls of brioche, special sauce, and meat were supplemented
with crispy shredded lettuce and pickle slices. Oh and, the crinkle cut chips
on the side tossed in chipotle salt weren’t half bad either.

Deep Fried Pizza Balls ($9.5, 5pcs)

Compared to the Deep Fried Pizza Balls ($9.5,
5pcs), the burger we just shared was almost light. Not only were the balls of
mozzarella and pizza sauce battered and deep-fried to a golden brown, they were
then to be dipped into a rich and thick basil mayo. Not that these weren’t good
but dang son, I can feel these
working their way into my arteries even now.

Memphis Chicken Waffles ($10.5, 3pcs)

Like I was before my first time, Ethan
was incredibly intrigued, and just a little repulsed by the idea of Memphis Chicken Waffles ($10.5,
3pcs). Though not as intensely flavoured as the waffles from Mr Big Stuff,
the mild chicken wings were crisp and juicy, pairing well with the waffle,
whose slightly plasticky texture was remedied by a good helping of syrup.

By 6:31, the disco ball was going
psychedelically, and I was getting a sore throat shouting over the now-pounding
music. Stay away if you have a hangover, or better still, rock up between
12-3pm every Tuesday for an $8 burger and fries combo that will kick that
hangover up the buttocks (or so I’m told).