Shopping for Love

“An object in possession seldom retains the same charm that it had in pursuit.”—Pliny the Younger

“Can’t buy me love,” sang The Beatles. But we can buy its cousin: Praise, which we use as a poor substitute for love. People crave love and acknowledgment beyond all other things. In a survey conducted by Ken Blanchard, author of The One Minute Manager, employees ranked “Feeling ‘in’ on things” and “Appreciation of work” as the number one and number two benefits they wanted most from their jobs. Higher wages ranked a distant fifth. We want to feel included, we want to be special, we want compliments, we want attention.

When we don’t get it, we go shopping. We buy things to make us noticed, to get praised. Women buy clothing, jewelry, shoes, handbags, scarves, and makeup to be beautiful, to be admired. Men buy cars, electronic equipment, tools, hardware, businesses to be powerful, to be admired. The problem is that after everyone has “oohed” and “aahed” over our fabulous purchase and we’ve had our fix of the praise drug—the rush is over. It isn’t long before we need another fix, another dress, another car. The praise is over—but the payments aren’t. We’re stuck with endless monthly bills for items that don’t get us any more praise, but still we need more praise. So we charge the next fix on our credit cards, even though we’re ashamed of ourselves for spending more than we should. It is a habit as destructive as drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes.

Now we have a cycle of buying praise and feeling shame for doing it. The worse we feel about ourselves, the more praise we need to buy. So credit cards in hand, we shop again. “Love me!” the silent scream floats beneath the surface of our ocean of debt.

The solution? Look for love in better places. It isn’t in the new shoes, it isn’t in the new computer whiz bang. Love is in the eyes of a friend, who’s happy to see you, regardless of what you wear. Praise comes from a customer or boss you’ve served above and beyond the call of the ordinary. Acknowledgment is what you give yourself as you master your spending and pay off your debts.

Send out a ship into someone else’s harbor today. Reach out with love to compliment someone on their thoughtfulness, their kindness, their ability to love, or the light in their eyes instead of their new dress. Do your job better than you’ve ever done it—every menial task. Be extraordinary by putting just a little extra in the ordinary. Send out love and love will come sailing back to you. You can’t buy it. You just have to practice it.

Today’s Affirmation: “I am peaceful and content with all the riches in my life.”

In the last several posts, I have referred to the importance of looking good. We want to shine, to show our best selves, to get compliments. We want to look gorgeous, talented and successful.

Make no mistake, the marketplace wants that, too. On average, good-looking people make higher salaries than normal. A study published in Annals of the New York Academy of Sciences finds that the attractiveness of interviewees can significantly bias outcome in hiring practices, showing a clear distinction between the attractive and average looking interviewees in terms of high and low status job packages offered.

“When someone is viewed as attractive, they are often assumed to have a number of positive social traits and greater intelligence,” said Carl Senior and Michael J.R. Butler, authors of the study. “This is known as the ‘halo effect’ and it has previously been shown to affect the outcome of job interviews.”

When you watch television shows, especially shows with a number of young twenty-somethings, how many of them are unattractive? It colors our thinking in everyday life. But look around you as you walk down the street or shop at a grocery store. Most of the people you see are just average in appearance.

But some stand out anyway. They have an energy, a charisma beyond their looks. They smile at you and nod. They’ll ask, “How are you?” and wait for your answer. They look genuinely interested…because they are interested. They are engaged with you. It’s been said of President Bill Clinton that when he spoke with you he made you feel like you were the only person in the room. People love that. So do that, and it won’t matter what you look like. The ability to genuinely like people and engage them trumps beauty every time. And yes, you can learn this – inner beauty is within everyone’s grasp! Reach inward to develop it and reach outward to perfect it.

Receive Daily Posts by Email

Find What You’re Looking For

Connect With Chellie

What People Are Saying

Jenee Dana

“I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to create your workshop and share it with us. The training...

2014-10-09T22:28:15-07:00

“I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to create your workshop and share it with us. The training I received in your workshop was incredible and the best thing I could have done as a brand new business owner because I am going to start my business the right way. And thanks for being you, because you give me permission to be me, and I love that.”—Jenee Dana, My Focus Book, LLC, 323-356-0420, ucla.jenee@ymail.com

http://www.chellie.com/testimonials/jenee-dana/

Jennifer Christianson

"I started reading Chellie's book and doing her affirmations about a year before I took her class. Prior to this...

2014-10-10T20:29:11-07:00

"I started reading Chellie's book and doing her affirmations about a year before I took her class. Prior to this I had many customers (30) that bid me out for each and every project (no quality customers). There was too much to manage and no continuity. A year later I had only 5 customers with regular monthly business and am billing more than double what I had in past years. Less stress, more money and a better life! Thank you Chellie for your help! My only mistake was not taking the class sooner!" — Jennifer Christianson, Account Executive, Transcontinental Direct, 310-937-2483

http://www.chellie.com/testimonials/jennifer-christianson/

Jack Molisani

"I took Chellie's Stress Reduction earlier this year and things went great — for awhile. While slogging through a particular...

2014-10-10T20:28:14-07:00

"I took Chellie's Stress Reduction earlier this year and things went great — for awhile. While slogging through a particular "effort-full" month I spotted I had stopped applying some of the principles in the workshop. So I decided right there to sign up for Chellie's follow-on workshop, and immediately made over $45,000 in commissions in the two weeks after I started. Coincidence? I think not!" — Jack Molisani, Lead Recruiter, ProSpring Technical Staffing, 888-378-2333 Ext. 2, www.ProSpring.net

http://www.chellie.com/testimonials/jack-molisani/

P. Hamilton

"Chellie's teachings, affirmations, words, workshop homework and, most importantly, her wisdom and fun-loving spirit helped shift old patterns and belief systems and revolutionize my life — above and beyond the finances.During her workshop, money flowed to me in increasing amounts even though Iwas starting up a new business at the time did not have a product to sell. I followed her homework suggestions and did the daily affirmations and my old programming about money dramatically shifted… money showed up in the form of unearned income: a reduction in my home and office rent, lowered rates through vendors and extra capital from investors--without asking. Even the right materials for my designs showed up in October--after a frustrating and exhaustive 1 1/2 year global search. But the most important shifts came through changes in my belief system which helped me build a solid foundation for my budding business. I am grateful to Chellie, her wit, smile and laughter--her gold shoes and magic wands. My business, my health, my wealth and I thank you! Take Chellie's workshop-- it will change your life! You will never fear your finances again!" — P. Hamilton, P. Hamilton Design

http://www.chellie.com/testimonials/p-hamilton/

Moira Shepard

"I have to tell you this is the most fun workshop/class/seminar I've ever taken — and you know what a...

2014-10-10T20:25:54-07:00

"I have to tell you this is the most fun workshop/class/seminar I've ever taken — and you know what a seminar junkie I am. Besides getting a lot of great information and meeting wonderful people (Dolphins, as Chellie calls us), it's just a kick to spend time with one of the most enlightened and entertaining women I've ever met. One of the results I've gotten from the class: I'm about to pay off $24,000 of my $32,000 credit card debt (mostly from seminars, instructional books and CDs!). Another: I'm inspired to start my own coaching sessions and workshops. In my book, Chellie is a goddess! — Moira Shepard, Radio Host, 310-923-8551, www.TriumphOverTrauma.com