It’s no secret that Roman Abramovich wants Chelsea to play entertaining football. It was obviously made clear to Grant, probably by pale blond slabs of men with KGB accents and snow-shouldered meatlocker overcoats, that after Mourinho’s bitter departure from the club (soundtrack: “Success Has Made a Failure of Our Home”) he would be expected to transform Chelsea from a team of bulldozing union men into an Arsenal-style musical revue. This is obvious because of the diligence and purpose with which Grant has indicated to the press that Chelsea are going to f***ing rock ‘n’ roll.

But a man can only be who he is. And as a man, Avram Grant is an animated frog who simply does not take out his top hat and cane when anyone is paying attention. When it’s just Chelsea fans, sure, you get “Hello, my baby,” some Radio City leg kicks, and a 6-0 win against Man City. But as soon as everyone shuffles over to look, you get an indifferent ribbit and a 2-0, penalty-assisted win against Sunderland.

I don’t mean this to be critical of Avram Grant. As I said, a cartoon frog can only be himself, and in any case, his attempts to diversify the style of entertainment on offer have not always moved in a comfortable direction. For now, you just have to hope you catch him when he thinks no one is looking. If you’re lucky, you’ll hear a rendition of “Blow, Gabriel, Blow” that would make Ethel Merman weep with jealousy. If you’re not, you’re going to hear a bullfrog moo that could barely even score against Bolton. Either way, a win’s a win. I just hope Abramovich realizes it, or Grant could find himself in another time capsule before too long. Well, a box in a concrete girder, anyway. Same difference.