You want to be the legal assistant to most unconventional and hip lawyer you’ll ever meet? You think you got the right amount of swag for the job? Want to be exposed to a multi-dimensional law practice-criminal defense, family law, personal injury, contract law, business litigation, you named it, I can game it! And trial work? That’s a given here! Professional job conditions: Only Young attractive hip females need apply, all others will be passed by; seriously. Job tasks include, but are not limited to, calendaring, scheduling, filing, typing dictation (not the antiquated dictaphone type either I prefer personal interaction) mailing, and such things associated with practicing law not previously defined. This position will, for the tyime being, on an independent contractor basis.

UPDATE: This guy’s fairly easy to find. And in a touch of irony that I’m sure escapes even him, he touts himself as a “brain injury attorney.”

UPDATE 5/26/2012: Our favorite “hip” legal baller’s still at it. Either he has no clue he’s the subject of such good ol’ fashioned interwebs ridicule (I’ve seen the above posted on other legal sites for its sheer, jaw-dropping douchebaggery), or he simply doesn’t care because…he’s…such… a huge…legal baller! Anyway, here’s today’s post, cut-and pasted verbatim — typos, bad grammar and all. And get this: the post is titled, “My Right Hand”! Yes, I’m serious. This guy cannot be for real, right? Geezus:

My 2nd year Harvard student assistant…landed and Internship Abroad..Sadly, she’s leaving my firm on June 1…Anyway, I need to replace her and these are big shoes to fill. So, if you think you got the knack…Send me your C.V. and tell me why I should hire you. Show me why you stand out. You would stepping into a “hip” top-notch Trial Lawyer Firm that doesn’t limit itself to any specific area of law…multifactorial practice…it’s new and raw..I have cases galore I get them everyday…If you want to be part of something special…Persuade me…

UPDATED – JULY 20, 2012: This guy’s still unaware of his own douchiness or that he’s an internet sensation for his general douchebaggery. Back at it again today — typos and all.

Up and at ’em you hip, tenacious, go-getting, swag-walkin’, moxi-talkin’ attorneys willing to work for 20 bucks an hour:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
Are you unemployed? Tired of doing nothing to further your legal career that you spent a lot of money and time obtaining? Are you Tenacious? A “Go-Getter?” Ready to work in a hip, multi-dimensional trial practice law firm that gets new cases every single day in a wide variety of practice areas? If you think this is you, and you have the requisite amount of “swag” or “moxy” to work wtih me? Then please send me your resume and a writing sample so I can get a glimpse of you writing style, mastery of the English language the tenets of legal analysis. Your data will be personally reviewed by yours truly and if chosen, a immediate interview scheduled.

This a very “fast-paced” environment with a lot of litigation and trial work. So if you are ‘meek’ and/or are afraid of the Courtroom, please keep your resume to yourself. The pay is low to start but the opportunity is better than most currently out there from a career growth and income producing perspsective.

UPDATE 12/2012: I notice (rather sadly, actually) that this post seems to get the most traffic, and not my other pro-environment, anti-palm oil rants. So let me offer some new news on our favorite legal toolbox for your Legal Baller fans. It appears that this dwid actually has registered for trademark protection on the whole “Legal Baller” thang. Kinda sickening that he just doesn’t get it. He really needs to be taken down a few notches. I mean seriously. Check out his Linkedin page. (Just do a search for “legalballer” and his name — you can’t make this shit up — will show up as a Linkedin result.) Even better, check out his Facebook page. A riot.

UPDATE: 2/4/2013: Apparently, our favorite (?) legal baller must have found this blog on the interwebs because he actually weighed-in on our proceedings. His comment is either an incredible demonstration of having a great sense of self-deprecating humor — or it’s more of the same heavy dose of self-unawareness. So, thanks, Legal Baller!

Thanks for the thread good man; I do appreciate it. Venerably, Verily, and Vale. LB (for short) 😉

NAME WITHHELD

By the way, you legal baller fans, I’m deleting this blog post by the end of the week. Since I started this blog, its content has turned toward the environment, so this no longer appears on-point to me.

So, today in my quest for entry-level legal employment, I came across this post: http://sandiego.craigslist.org/csd/lgl/3116813474.html
…which led me to your soapbox 🙂
I identify with many of the sentiments expressed on your “About” page and was wondering if you might know of a way that a fresh graduate of the USD Paralegal program might find work that is socially important/progressive. I have very little experience, other than the last three months of interning at a small civil litigation firm in Cardiff. Any help would be much appreciated and guaranteed to have a positive impact.

I feel ya! I’m having the same challenge — trying to get into an environmental advocacy or green energy/renewables field and it’s tough to make that crossover jump (and to take the paycut). Until then, I’m having to stick it out where I am (though I did tell them I was leaving to “do something more meaningful to me”) for the paycheck. I would just seek out enviro orgs, like Surfrider, etc., and see if they could use some help. I’m doing some pro bono work for a nature org that helps me feel better. Sorry I don’t have much more advice for you — but I’m not having much luck either. 🙂 Hell, if I could, I’d be over in Indonesia saving the orangutans!