Saturday, September 15, 2007

9/11 Truthers praise Maher for "giving us the right drug for 9/11 Truth." Lines form at Ground Zero area drugstores.

(BNN - September 15, 2007 - New York City.)

Bill Maher's announcement last night that 9/11 Truthers should "...start asking your doctor if Paxil is right for you," caused a sensation at New York City hospitals late last night and early this morning.

"Suddenly, our ER started filling up with young, bedraggled twenty-somethings, all begging for prescriptions for Paxil," said, John Berliner, spokesperson for Bellevue Hospital. "They said it was unfair to keep them waiting for the "truth" till Monday when their own doctors' offices re-open - whatever the hell that means. We filled their prescriptions just to get rid of them."

In his "New Rules" section Maher said:

New Rule: Crazy people who still think the government brought down the Twin Towers in a controlled explosion have to stop pretending that I'm the one that's being naïve. How big a lunatic do you have to be to watch two giant airliners packed with jet fuel slam into buildings on live TV igniting a massive inferno that burned for two hours and then think, "Well, if you believe that was the cause?" Stop asking me to raise this ridiculous topic on this show and start asking your doctor if Paxil is right for you.

Nico Haupt, spokesperson for the growing "no planer" faction of the 9/11 Truth Movement, said this was the sign he was waiting for. "Ve know dat drugs will show us die 9/11 truth. Ve just didn't know VICH drugs."

According to medical literature, Paxil is effective in relieving anxiety and symptoms associated with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, long considered by psychologists to be the foundation of the 9/11 Truth Movement and other societal disorders.

Ask to comment on the long line of 9/11 Truthers at his door, New York City pharmacist, Dirk Veersten, said, "Heh... whatever works to get them off the streets."

Friday, September 7, 2007

Several days after a new Zogby Poll showed only 4.6% of likely voters believe "9/11 was an inside job" (MIHOP), and Osama Bin Laden praised 19 Arab hijackers for the 9/11 attacks, "Loose Change" video creator, Dylan Avery, issued a statement announcing the recall of all T-shirts with the saying, "9/11 Was An Inside Job." Part of Avery's statement:

"As much as it pains all of us in the 9/11 Truth Movement to face reality, we can no longer ignore that the vast majority of Americans, and even Osama bin Laden himself, believe 19 Arab cavemen were able to carry off the 9/11 attacks without help of the U.S. Government.

"Despite the massive evidence we have collected showing that pre-planted explosives were needed to collapse the World Trade Center towers, Americans were unable to grasp the laws of physics sufficiently to see the truth.

"Therefore, we have decided to abandon the reality that "9/11 was an inside job" in favor of the less elegant and less dramatic theory of LIHOP - that the Bush Administration let the attacks happen on purpose."

[...]

"We ask all Truthers to return their "9/11 Was An Inside Job" T-shirts for disposal. For those unwilling to abandon hope, Alex Jones has offered to modify the T-shirts to say "4.6% of Americans Believe 9/11 Was An Inside Job" for $12.95 plus shipping and handling. New York City and state residents, please add appropriate sales tax."

Asked what would be done with the returned T-shirts, Avery said they "will be sent to China for recycling."

For more information and shipping instructions please contact Dylan Avery at publicity@loosechange911.com or Alex Jones at prisonplanetweb@hotmail.com.