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Progress as Brexit negotiators to consider contra-Shetland solution for Ireland

Progress on the impasse over the Irish border appears to have been finally made in regard to Brexit negotiations as Northern Ireland First Minister, Arlene Foster, has proposed an idea being dubbed as the ‘Contra-Shetland Solution’.
Under Foster’s proposals future maps of the EU will show NI removed from the main island of Ireland and encapsulated in a box set twenty miles of the Welsh coast in Cardigan Bay.
Chief EU negotiator Michel Barnier told reporters: ‘This is a stroke of genius. A total fudge of the position that allows both sides to pretend they have won, it ignores the problem completely but crucially, in real terms, allows us to press on with some kind of cack-handed rapprochement over this entire nonsense.’
Mrs Foster speaking on Today said: ‘It came to me in a flash after them lot on Shetland had been bleating on about being inside a box. I thought, sure what’s the problem about that for frig’s sake? Yiz aren’t really in a box at all so yiz aren’t! Just stop your oul gurnin’ and get on with your lives.’
‘So anyway, like, I called The PM and told her that I could deliver the Province in a box no bother at all, she called Barnier and there you are. As easy as pishin’ down a drain but nowhere nears as dirty, so it’s not.’
Details remain to be finalised but the proposals could be accepted at the upcoming negotiation meeting in mid-October allowing a draft agreement to be drawn up for both sides to discuss.
Meanwhile Taoiseach Leo Varadkar commented: ‘Makes no difference to me. That crowd in the North are as mad as a box of frogs and as long as this solution doesn’t affect us and our trade arrangements with our partners my view is… yeah… whatever!’