Monday, February 25, 2013

We carry Otis Spunkmeyer cookies for our customers. We bake them fresh every day and they taste really really good. We've had these cookies for over two years now.

The cookie above is my all-time abso-fucking-lute favorite. It is called a Carnival cookie. See it? Isn't it beautiful? Here, I'll show it to you again:

Eat me.

Recently, the Otis Spunkmeyer company has decided not to deliver to stores anymore. They now ship to big suppliers, who distribute the cookies to their customers. Otis Spunkmeyer's reasoning is that they want to focus on making their cookies and since they have recently gotten a lot of new business, it is costing too much to deliver to every store.

Fine, whatevs.

But what pisses me off is that now we can't find a company that can give us our product.

Correction: We have found a few companies that have these cookies, but they are raising the prices so high that it's impossible for us to make a profit on these cookies.

So instead, these new companies are promoting their own brand of cookies.

So I ask; How is this method possibly going to keep Otis Spunkmeyer in business? These distributors are trying to push their own cookies and raising the price on Otis cookies so that you don't have any choice but to go with the off-brand.

I mean, sure the Otis cookies are good, but customers will eat anything that is baked fresh. Customers eat the mysterious products we have on our shelves that have no expiration date and that have been sitting there for who knows how long.

But if we switch the brand of cookies, I doubt a lot of people are going to notice. Sure, we'll get a few people whose palettes have been offended, but they'll get over it.

Bad move on Otis Spunkmeyer's part. We will probably be changing over to a less expensive cookie. I hate when companies do this. Don't screw the little guys, we're the ones that put you on the map in the first place!!

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Has anyone tried any of these yet? Lay's has these three new flavors that you can vote on to pick which one stays.

Chicken & Waffles sounds disgusting to me. I'm afraid to try it.

The other two don't sound as bad, but that Chicken & Waffles scares me. I don't know what it is about it. I know a lot of people eat and enjoy Chicken & Waffles for dinner, but the thought of that in a chip? It's just wrong!

So tell me. Is it as gross as I think it is? Or does it taste pretty good?

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

I get a lot of emails from people working in retail that have their own stories to tell.

I love getting these emails because it lets me know that people are assholes all over the world, not just near me.

One reader, David, shared this interesting story with me:

"There was a man who pulled up outside one Monday
evening and went nuts and started kicking his truck and cursing for about 10 minutes. I was off the next 2 days. When I came back on
Thursday, tons of cops cars, helicopters and canine units were all over
the place looking for this guy. It turns out, he had killed a man,
wrapped him in a blanket, stuck him under his house and tried to burn
everything. It didn't work. They estimated that he killed the man about
5:00pm on Monday, just a couple of hours before he went crazy in the
parking lot."

This got me thinking. What if a customer in my store had just killed someone right before they came in to buy cigarettes or something? What if that dead body was currently in their car in our parking lot?

What if I told a killer to "Have a nice day," after he just got done chopping a person to pieces in order to hide the body? What if he smiled at me and thought about killing me, too, and eating me for dinner?

Thanks for the story, David. The next time a customer yells at me for not letting them use the bathroom, I'm going to assume they just killed someone and now needed to shit their pants.

Has anyone else ever rang up a murderer before? Or someone you suspected was one? Did they buy someone murder-y? Like duct tape, trash bags and cigarettes?

Sunday, February 3, 2013

I was bored and hungry at work the other day. This is dangerous because I will often peruse the store and find the unhealthiest piece of junk food and devour it.

I guess it's a good thing I stand on my feet all day. That's mostly the only exercise I get.

So when I was walking through Aisle 2, I came upon this mysterious package:

Now, a chocolate delight could be almost anything. And since I've tried everything in the store, I wondered how this could have slipped past me and when exactly we had gotten it. But then I remembered that the Hostess Company died and we were left without Twinkies forever.

Anyway, I decided to buy this, rip open the package and feast my eyes on this:

Kind of looks like a piece of poop, doesn't it? No? Well, I thought so.

I wanted to try an experiment and place this on the floor of the public bathroom next to the toilet to see what customers would do when they saw this. Would they leave the bathroom immediately and not say a word about what they saw? Or would they bend down to get a closer look (which would be disgusting because then you are getting closer to what could possibly be someone else's shit).

Would any of them tell us there was something mysterious on the floor?

I was all set to conduct my experiment and when I headed toward the bathroom carrying this in the palm of my hand, my dad asked me what I was doing so I had to tell him.

Then he told me, "No." That I wasn't allowed to do that. So there went that.

I walked, defeated, into the back office where I sat on the chair and silently devoured it.

Even though it's not that attractive looking, I have to say that this thing was fucking delicious.

There was marshmallow on the inside, which added to its sweetness. The best part was the top; it tasted like frosting on a cake.

About a minute later it was gone and I was licking my fingers trying to get every last bit of it.

Normally I don't care for this stuff, but I'll have to make sure I avoid Aisle 2 for awhile so I don't eat one of these every day. Either that, or I could let one go moldy and that way I won't be tempted by it again.

I would definitely eat one of these again, but I won't. I want to make sure I can still fit through the door to go to work.