IDEAS FOR TWEETS Instead of me dieting, can you just learn to find my binge eating sexy? #TwentyPoundsGiveOrTake #What’sFiftyPoundsAmongstFriends?

Sure, I love your haircut. Can you put this hat on? #PutTheClippersDown #KnowWhenToStop I just had a bad break up with the internet. I want my tweets back. And my updates. And pixel out my face in all those tumbler pics. #NeverLikedHimAnyway #BreakingUpIsHardToDo

What font says, ‘Playful but not flighty'? #ComicSansMe #SeriousIsBoring Said to the kids, ‘Can you solutionize this playroom before dinner?’ #NewWordsOldMeanings #StillDidn’tWork Your blog post should feel like cool sheets on a hot day. #KissMyGrits #HowAboutAColdSlapOnASouthernCheek My heart is telling me to leave the dishes until morning. #ListenToYourHeart My stomach is telling me I shouldn’t have eaten the whole sleeve of Thin Mints. #IListenedToMyHeart Don’t put the political sign in your yard if you don’t want my poop on your sign. #FreeCountry Not all of us can be born this way. Lady GaGa, be more selective. #OllyOllyOllyAlexandro Four out of five moms get pissed off at the fifth mom who can look sexy running a marathon, breastfeeding, and vacuuming- all in the same day. #Doesn’tExist

It goes without saying that I am grateful for you, dear reader of gregorific. Thank you for giving me your time and interest. Put simply: YOU rock.

There are thousands of other things I am grateful for, and I captured a few and listed them below. Enjoy.{Bonus points if you make your own list.}

Top five things I’m grateful for: (micro)1. Mr. Gregorific cleaning the game closet.2. My youngest daughter finally lost what she called her vampire tooth. It was poking her lip and overlapping her adult tooth.3. Mr. Gregorific let me cut his hair. It looks good!4. After waiting nine years for my daughter to be ready- we are finally reading the Harry Potter series. It was worth the wait to be excited, scared, and *obsessed* together. Top five things I’m grateful for: (macro) 1. People who are kind even when I’m not. 2. Fun, friends, family, fiction, fall.3. Biscuits.4. Being able to live in this country.5. Health. Happiness. Sure, I took the liberty of making my own combo packages. You can do the same. Hey, it's Thanksgiving. I'm grateful for being able to create this gregorific blog. Woot. Gobble. Woot.

A little FYI in the month of NOV Ever heard of NaNoWriMo? Last year I heard the guy speak in NYC at a conference. The guy who “invented” National Novel Writing Month. Get it? The first letters of each word makes NaNoWriMo. If you say NaNoWriMo then you will understand why this abbreviation works. It sounds like the word should describe a cure for constipation, doesn’t it? And in a way- it does. The idea is to write 50,000 brand spanking new words in the month of November. Not perfect words, not necessarily an entire book, but about 1667 words a day, all new, in one month. Some people scoff at the notion that a person should try to do this. And I agree in the sense that if you are writing sentences that mean nothing to anyone, even yourself- yeah, don’t bother. But this is the push that many people need to sit down and do it. Write that novel that has been hovering in the back of your mind for a decade. Remember that weird thing that happened that one time and you always said it was stranger than fiction? You know that coincidence that fed into that serendipitous situation that exploded with karmic resolution? Or those notes in your bottom drawer? The journal that you kept during that awful time? The box of letters your great grandpa gave you from the war? People, just do it. Give it a try. Worst case- you waste a month. Best case- you love doing it. Last year I wrote my YA novel The Shadow Grove Group Home for Girls. I revised throughout the year, put it through its paces with my critique group, massaged the plot some, kicked its tires with my boot, and then last month an agent requested the entire manuscript. Then another did. To me, that means it was worth a read, right? I have not heard back from the agents and I’m not holding my breath but I’m not apologizing for dreaming either. These things take time and in the meanwhile, I’m writing my next NaNoWriMo novel, a slice-of-life, coming-of-middle-age story that I will not reveal by title yet. (Bribes accepted.) If I knew how, I’d make a CAPTCHA and see who could read the jumbled letters of the title through the wavy, fuzzy blur. Since I can’t, I’ll get back to writing. For those who like to be held accountable by inanimate objects or pie charts, log onto the NaNoWriMo website and track your word count. If you make it, you get a t-shirt. (http://www.nanowrimo.org/en/dashboard) Good Luck! Crack those knuckles! “I wrote a novel and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”,~gregorific PS. I love my t-shirt. It’s magical.

Gregorific took a first aid CPR class last weekend. The scenario looked like this: torso of dummy on mat. No legs. No arms. No facial features. No chance I’m gonna let that stop me from saving his dumbassy. -Check scene for danger.- Hey Dummy! Dummy! Are you okay? Are you okay? You! Call 911! I’m trained in first aid and CPR – may I have your permission to help you until professionals arrive? {no response} I take that as implied consent! Put on rubber gloves. Take mouth barrier out. (When do I have these on hand?… Always be prepared.) Care for victim. Bleeding? Apply pressure and clean bandages. Breathing? Make comfortable and wait. Not breathing? You don’t say. 30 chest compressions, 2 breaths Repeat Repeat Repeat Help has arrived! Paramedics take over. Dummy, you owe me your life. I passed first aid and CPR! ~gregorific