HowTo:Not Get in Trouble

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Countless people have been put to death for getting in trouble. Some were guilty, some were innocent. In this article I will show you all you need to know to, for example, get away with beating an old lady over the head with a bag of nickels and stealing her purse.

NOTE: These strategies WILL NOT get you out of trouble if you have written a crappy article. Furthermore, this article will not show you how to get away with any internet crime, as all the child porn on your computer is incriminating.

Contents

Ted Bundy was a pro at pretending it never happened. Who could convict that face?

While doing the crime you'll want to leave as many holes open as possible. I like planting fake evidence, such as drugs and kitty litter. This will confuse the cops so much their head will asplode. You always have to make sure you kill everyone who saw you, they'll come back and bite you in the ass by the end of the movie.

Pretending the crime never happened is a key aspect in making you look innocent. After every crime, I recommend taking a rohypnol and hopping into bed. If you truly don't believe it happened then who will?

Sure, they have your finger prints on the pillow case full of nickels, and her purse is in your closet, but there is still a small chance someone was framing you. You must take that small chance and turn it into a reality. By taking these small realities and turning them into fact and/or improbabilities, you will look innocent. Things to remember while being interrogated:

Always sound cool, like you have nothing to prove.

Use the media as necessary, public opinion is very important.

There is never anything that doesn't have a loophole in it; so do your best to find a way to blame someone else.