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Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Living Here or Over There? Maybe it's Boredom. P is for Planning: Part 2

I see my future so clear in my head and make the mistake of
living there rather than living here, in the present. I close my eyes to the
present because I hate a particular situation and don’t want to deal with it. I
wait for time to wreak its destruction on the present as it relentlessly pushes
forward to the future. And lo and behold, time performs its job wonderfully.
And yet, time frightens me. I have to be on my toes. I can’t blink, take a breather,
or sit one place and think and think, my favorite pastime. Thinking. I do it
too often. Or I think of nothing. I focus on emptiness. It’s nothing
sophisticated like meditation but rather I stop the flow of endless thoughts,
worries, and voices in my head that disturb my peace and cause anguish to my
soul. I breathe. I can make a choice. I can live over there where it’s perfect
in my mind and all the components making up a difficult situation disappear.
But, like all choices, consequences lurk close by and wait for the right
time to attack. Some don’t have to wait long; others can see years before they strike.

It looks nice now...

Living in the perfect future means abandoning my present,
abandoning my life right now. Walking
zombie, anyone? Fake smiles, concerted efforts to listen, be present and
respond in kind that it meshes into one big mess—all of it becomes a chore
until it finally hits: living has become a chore. And that is boredom my
friends. Take another breath. Zoom and focus and remember what living is all
about. It’s not all about the tasks on the list, the annoyances, the situation,
the external, the frustration bursting inside, or all those pieces that work
together to tug that big sigh out of you. It’s about the people in life. The
connections you create, strengthen, weaken, and destroy. Smile in the middle of
it all and everything becomes better. The present is okay. I have to make it
okay.

Press the button, already!

SO, what does this have to do with writing? Don’t get
trapped in the dream. The hard work gets done in the present, not the future.
Let’s check out what I have done for part two for P, Planning.

oAs important as these tasks are, some deserve
more of my time than others (i.e. writing 1600-2000 words/day and editing
scenes and blogging). However, since these things are clearly the hardest to
perform, it’s easy to fall into the habit of doing the lesser, but easier
tasks, which pile together to eat away time that could have been spent on high
priority tasks. Or I regularly do one of the harder, high priority tasks and neglect
others that are equally as important. For instance, I feel like I’m blogging
more than writing and editing my novel. That needs to change soon! Determining
priorities and avoiding time-wasters are an essential component to having my ultimate
goals realized.

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"It is nothing to die. It is frightful not to live." - Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

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