One of the things I'm really trying to challenge myself in is being more sociable and speaking to more people. As a religious man, I know that happiness spreads through one to one dialogue and building bonds of friendship. I'm not great at putting myself out there and casually striking up conversations with strangers, but I'm trying.

One place which seems to offer a lot of opportunities for meeting new people is the gym. I go to my local gym three or four times a week (I'm not a fitness freak, I'm fat) and there are load of people there who it would be so easy to talk to if only I could build up a little more courage.

My question to you fellas is this: Would you find it strange if someone you did not know started to speak to you (friendly) in the changing/locker room?

There seems to be a layer of awkwardness added to this situation by the half- and fully-naked men around (I probably wouldn't start a conversation while the guy had his wang out) and I just don't know what the social etiquette is here. Is it like in a public bathroom where conversation is verboten? Or is it as fine a place as any to start a new friendship?

Follow-up question: What is a good conversation starter for someone you met in the gym?

Can I go to the old faithful that is the weather? Do I talk about gym things? I don't really know what guys who go to the gym like to talk about, really.

Thanks in advance for your answers. I'd especially be interested to hear what British guys have to say because I feel this is a bit of a cultural thing and North American attitudes may not be the norm on this side of the Atlantic.

Once again - this question is NOT about finding a date or someone to sleep with. It's purely about having dialogue with our fellow man and possibly forming friendships.

I'm not a Brit, so you may not care what I say. But for me, some random dude trying to chat me up in the locker room wouldn't garner him any points. Especially if I'm in some state of undress. When I was in high school and college I belonged to a large gym. A group of us would go work out together, 2 or 3 times a week. There were a few guys we called "followers", as they'd follow us around the gym and into the locker room. Once we even passed one in the hallway, he was freshly showered and on his way out as we were going in. Miraculously, he showed back up in the sauna and showers when we were done.

Talking to someone in the actual gym/work out area. I'm not good at starting conversations either but I think I'd be more receptive to one in a more public place. If your gym has a trainer, start talking with him. He may know someone that needs a workout buddy and you can form a friendship there and gain more friends from his associations. I'll think more on it.

edit... once you know a guy, or have at least spoken to him before... then a chat in the locker room would be a little more acceptable

When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates

No I would not.... as long as the discussion was a logical one. I am former Military, so... yeah, you can find yourself in a locker room or shower situation quite often, and guys DO talk. Even if you don't know them.

As for your second part, I think it has to be something of relevance to the community, news happening, or reason you are both there (a game, or whatever). But you have to approach it correctly and read body language to see if the person is receptive to conversation. It could indeed be very off-putting if not done correctly.

It would be a lot easier in person than to try to come up with out of the blue examples. I for one, am very friendly and can chat about most anything (as you probably noticed by my interactions here) and in the real world I have an easy going way about me that allows for good contact. Not everyone has that, and so they need to figure out what their strengths are and play to them... or identify their weaknesses and work on those. It seems like you are trying to do that in a way with this... and good luck, and good job. :)

Yeah, unless you are looking for a gay hook up I wouldn't just start up a conversation with a guy in a state of undress. Don't even start by saying how hot the new girl instructor is - it sounds like you're testing sexuality

I'd suggest taking a class at the gym rather than just doing your own set. Spinning classes are good as they can make you feel part of a team without the whole team sport thing. Going every week you'll see the same faces and make friends. Warning: The opinions above are those of an anonymous individual on the internet. They are opinions, unless they're facts. They may be ill-informed, out of touch with reality or just plain stupid. They may contain traces of irony. If reading these opinions causes you to be become outraged or you start displaying the symptoms of outrage, stop reading them immediately. If symptoms persist, consult a psychiatrist.

Joined: 7/17/2011Posts: 2,295Location: Exactly where I should be!, Canada

overmykneenow wrote:

Going every week you'll see the same faces and make friends.

Kinda like the lush forum hey!!!

Funnily enough, some times we have to tell people in lush to treat people like they do in RL and then sometimes the opposite occurs. Just be your lovely self Clum, you have plenty to contribute, just do it in the fully clothed areas, you'll be fine. x

Sports related topics would go over well in a gym atmosphere i would think. In the U.S. Health clubs /Gyms are very business like. Get in> get changed> workout routine> get clean> get changed again> get on with your day. Some small talk here and there but, nothing like sitting around and getting to know each other.

One of the things I'm really trying to challenge myself in is being more sociable and speaking to more people. As a religious man, I know that happiness spreads through one to one dialogue and building bonds of friendship. I'm not great at putting myself out there and casually striking up conversations with strangers, but I'm trying.

One place which seems to offer a lot of opportunities for meeting new people is the gym. I go to my local gym three or four times a week (I'm not a fitness freak, I'm fat) and there are load of people there who it would be so easy to talk to if only I could build up a little more courage.

My question to you fellas is this: Would you find it strange if someone you did not know started to speak to you (friendly) in the changing/locker room?

There seems to be a layer of awkwardness added to this situation by the half- and fully-naked men around (I probably wouldn't start a conversation while the guy had his wang out) and I just don't know what the social etiquette is here. Is it like in a public bathroom where conversation is verboten? Or is it as fine a place as any to start a new friendship?

Follow-up question: What is a good conversation starter for someone you met in the gym?

Can I go to the old faithful that is the weather? Do I talk about gym things? I don't really know what guys who go to the gym like to talk about, really.

Thanks in advance for your answers. I'd especially be interested to hear what British guys have to say because I feel this is a bit of a cultural thing and North American attitudes may not be the norm on this side of the Atlantic.

Once again - this question is NOT about finding a date or someone to sleep with. It's purely about having dialogue with our fellow man and possibly forming friendships.

Thanks in advance for your answers.

That's awesome. I'm really happy that you are.

I'm neither a guy nor British, but that's never stopped me from answering a thread before.

I've had a lot of life changes lately, which has forced me to do things as a single person again, which I haven't done in forever. Anyway, after moping for a bit in a fetal position, I figured I needed to get the F* out of the house and start doing stuff again.

I am not a phone person, and I hate, hate, hate calling people and asking them to do stuff. What has worked for me, tho? (you ask all interested and crap?)

I will send a group text and/or FB message to local friends to see if they're interested in doing something. Usually along the lines of "Hey, Joe Schmo Bar has $3 dollar pitcher night on Thursday, such and such band is playing at Skid Row Bar on Friday, there's a beer cruise on Saturday and it's $28 per person. Who wants to go?" I also mention that the more the merrier, so please invite anyone else you might think is interested. (another great way to meet new people)

So, I thought I would pass along what has worked for me. Good luck and don't give up!

I've found that strangers usually wait until all parties at least have their pants on before starting chat. If its someone you know well, just tie a knot at the end of your towel and towel pop them on the ass real hard.

I appreciate all the response so far and am still thinking about them but I just wanted to add something...

Guys, give me a little fucking credit! I'm not going to start talking about the weather while a guy is towelling off his danglies; I do possess SOME common sense. I'm talking about when a guy just finishes his work-out or is just putting his shoes on to leave, not when they're fresh out the shower.

I know myself that I wouldn't much appreciate a friendly chat when my ass is on show.

Locker Room conversations have always been clumsy Clum, just like getting into a crowded elevator and nobody speaks a word after the doors close.But I don't let that bother me. I enjoy being the first one to blurt out something relating to the days situation to help lighten the thick atmosphere.Locker Rooms are no different, I don't care if a guys drying his dingle berries or not, say what you need to if it's appropriate.Just don't get caught looking at the dudes package afterwards.As with a woman, look them in the eyes as you talk to them, and don't let your eyes roam.

I started at a new gym when my old gym shut down and did not know anybody at the gym but maybe two or three people. I got to know people by seeing them all the time and then you can make small talk like your here as much as i am. Dont force conversations let them flow if someone is not receptive no problem they are there to workout and get out not date. At my gym they have a tv so alot of the time we'll talk to random guys about the game. Conversations will come as long as you are not trying to force any awkard and unwanted conversations.

My gym is quite a large one and I don't go at the same time every week so it's rare that I see people more than once or twice. Maybe I should think about getting into more of a routine with rather than just when I feel like I should.

I'm not a Brit, so you may not care what I say. But for me, some random dude trying to chat me up in the locker room wouldn't garner him any points. Especially if I'm in some state of undress. When I was in high school and college I belonged to a large gym. A group of us would go work out together, 2 or 3 times a week. There were a few guys we called "followers", as they'd follow us around the gym and into the locker room. Once we even passed one in the hallway, he was freshly showered and on his way out as we were going in. Miraculously, he showed back up in the sauna and showers when we were done.

Talking to someone in the actual gym/work out area. I'm not good at starting conversations either but I think I'd be more receptive to one in a more public place. If your gym has a trainer, start talking with him. He may know someone that needs a workout buddy and you can form a friendship there and gain more friends from his associations. I'll think more on it.

edit... once you know a guy, or have at least spoken to him before... then a chat in the locker room would be a little more acceptable

As a guy who's always struggled with chatting to strangers, I'd probably find it quite strange if someone started randomly talking to me in a changing room. It would be different in the actual gym, for instance, my local gym in pretty small and so it's not rare for 2 or 3 guys to be standing around waiting to use a piece of equipment, and starting up a conversation with those would just help pass the time. But unless I know you, keep silent in the locker room.

I would sign up for some classes, Clum. Have you tried martial arts - maybe kickboxing or Muay Thai. Some gyms are offering variations of these now or you can find a separate gym/studio for them. You'll get paired up with people during the classes for practice and sparring. It's an easy way to get conversation flowing and build a rapport.

Or as someone else said - starting conversations while waiting for the machines or weights or seeing if your gym has social events or a running club (to train for half marathons or something). Some gyms have a lounge area or juice bar in the front too where you can read a paper, set up a laptop or hang out and maybe have an opportunity to socialize. As someone else mentioned - going at the same time everyday is also helpful because you'll start to see the same crowd over and over again.

I think every gym has a different kind of social culture, but even as far as girls go - if I don't know someone in the changeroom, I'm not likely to start up an in depth conversation. A few exchanged pleasantries now and then maybe, but I think it's still viewed as a 'private place' if you don't already know the people or aren't coming from the same gym classes where you have something in common already.

Piss on a guys leg in the shower area sometime and see what kind of conversation occurs.

The only locker room conversational experiences I've really been familiar with in my life, occurred when I was a part of a football, basketball or baseball team...and then, there's usually quite a bit of horseplay occurring as well as general bullshit being traded back n forth between those whose lockers are closer to one another. I have been known to launch balls of wound-up, used tape, 30 feet across rooms to hit a locker door and attempt to startle panic a guy or two, before.

But it's primarily because you're on the same 'team' with those fuckers and you're talking to them on the field of practice all the time.

At a commercial gymnasium such as Bally or Golds - here in the states... I've rarely had a conversation with anyone else. I don't know 'em...I don't want to know 'em and depending on what someone might say to me - 'they' would have to be pretty direct when addressing me, as I tune out all the other guys when I'm showering, dressing, etc.. When I've been traveling and wanted to use equipment at any of the equipped hotels...I go to work out...I don't go to meet people.

I turn off my gaydar when I got to a workout. It's just a bunch of other men in the locker room, they've got the same package I have and I'm not interested, but I'm also not on Defcon 3 alert mode either.

Clum...you should go to get fit...I guess in your situation, be open to small talk if someone speaks to you, but a gym/locker room is not someplace I'd go to try to make acquaintances with anyone. Maybe the gym/bar-lounge area for your protein/carb shake or smoothie afterward would be better. Different strokes for different folks, though.

Good luck, ClumMost intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski

Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful advice (except Jack, obviously). There doesn't seem to be a consensus on this issue but it generally tends to be leaning in the "don't do it" direction. That's pretty much what my intuition tells me but I'm not really apt to strike up casual conversation in many situations so I wasn't the best judge.

I can't really commit to taking up a class and, if I'm honest, I don't really want to. I'm not on some kind of mission to make lots of new friends; I just wanted to make sure I'm making the most of the opportunities I already have. My primary reason for going to the gym is, and always will be, to improve my fitness.

My gym doesn't really have a communal lounge-type area where people hang out. There are a few vending machines but it's not a social space. Now that I think about it, it's a rather impersonal gym—it doesn't even have a reception desk.

I suppose I'll just carry on as I have been doing and maybe try some small talk with people on the gym floor (those who aren't wearing earphones, anyway). I'll look out for more appropriate situations in which to make new acquaintances, too.

Thanks again, everyone. And if you ever see me at the gym, or anywhere, I'm very open to a chat.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful advice (except Jack, obviously). There doesn't seem to be a consensus on this issue but it generally tends to be leaning in the "don't do it" direction.

Look man, I just gave you the cliff notes on why everyone else said it isn't the best moment to shoot the shit.

Also, for future reference, It's probably not a good idea to strike up conversations with other guys in changing rooms, strip clubs while a guy is getting a lap dance or in a public bathroom while urinating next to him.

Look man, I just gave you the cliff notes on why everyone else said it isn't the best moment to shoot the shit.

Also, for future reference, It's probably not a good idea to strike up conversations with other guys in changing rooms, strip clubs while a guy is getting a lap dance or in a public bathroom while urinating next to him.

It might seem gay. Just saying.

To be honest, my problem wouldn't be with it "seeming gay" but more with it making people uncomfortable, which is really what my question was about. If people think that any guy who wants to strike up a friendly conversation is probably homosexual, that's really their hang-up.

Like I said before, I've got a little more tact than to start chatting with a guy while he pulled his underwear on. In my OP I recognised the public bathroom protocol, and I don't go to strip clubs. However, thanks for the tips.

Seriously, I know what you're getting at but "That would be so gay" was hardly the most insightful contribution to this discussion. I'm really not very concerned about other people's views on my sexuality. Thanks for your input, though.

EDIT: And I was being sincere when I said it was my favourite response.

Also, for future reference, It's probably not a good idea to strike up conversations with other guys in changing rooms, strip clubs while a guy is getting a lap dance or in a public bathroom while urinating next to him.

It might seem gay. Just saying.

Pfft, this is one of the best times to strike up a conversation with the guy sitting next to you (if that's your gig, I mean). It's also not a bad idea to tip the woman who is working...if you'd like her to come see you later too.

Has never failed me yet...and never caused a stink with another bar denizen/patron. $10 meet side of panty...don't just cram it in there, she's gotta see you're putting something there...

Of course I knew the owner/manager and all four of the bouncers.

Play to your strengths Clum. If you think the guy next to you in the locker room has a nice cock...tell him. He may not know how to read your mind/eyes - I mean.

Most intelligent people are introspective and doubt themselves while many fucktards are proudly over-confident. - a tip of the hat to Charles Bukowski

To be honest, my problem wouldn't be with it "seeming gay" but more with it making people uncomfortable, which is really what my question was about. If people think that any guy who wants to strike up a friendly conversation is probably homosexual, that's really their hang-up.

And why would they feel uncomfortable with a guy talking to them in a moment most of us deem as private?

clum wrote:

Like I said before, I've got a little more tact than to start chatting with a guy while he pulled his underwear on. In my OP I recognised the public bathroom protocol, and I don't go to strip clubs. However, thanks for the tips.

I apologize, I missed the part where you said you knew it wasn't a good time to chat up a guy while in the bathroom.

clum wrote:

Seriously, I know what you're getting at but "That would be so gay" was hardly the most insightful contribution to this discussion. I'm really not very concerned about other people's views on my sexuality. Thanks for your input, though.

EDIT: And I was being sincere when I said it was my favourite response.

I said THAT would be so gay. Like giving you the type of knee-jerk reaction that most guys would have if a guy came up to them and asked them what their favorite protein shake is as he's grooming in a locker room.

I said THAT not YOU would be so gay.

clum wrote:

If people think that any guy who wants to strike up a friendly conversation is probably homosexual, that's really their hang-up.

If you can't see that I was trying to give you an honest reply on what you asked and what most guys would think a split second after you approached them in this situation and not that I was calling YOU gay... Then that's really your hang up.

If you can't see that I was trying to give you an honest reply on what you asked and what most guys would think a split second after you approached them in this situation and not that I was calling YOU gay... Then that's really your hang up.

I can see that. And I thanked you for it. I just didn't think it was especially useful.

I didn't for a second think you were calling me gay. But surely people who think my actions are gay (whatever that means) would transitively have that same opinion of me.

If you're doing it in the locker room then it's all about luck. The more relaxed ones might not have a problem at all getting to know someone while they're showing off their cock and balls and wouldn't mind having the casual conversation while bending over and showing you their arsehole as they dry their toes. But the more insecure and maybe slightly homophobic ones could easily go "Oh my God, he's coming on to me!!!" in their head just from a simple Hello.

Considering that Norway isn't a place where strangers talk to each other unless it's a necessity, locker room chats would be extremely awkward if it was a stranger. Talking in the gym while you're running on the treadmill next to another dude is more acceptable. I guess you could say that the less compromising the situation and the person is at that moment, the less of a chance he has to start thinking "GAY GAY GAY GAY!!!!!" and then freak out.

But good on you for trying to be more social! (that be a bro hug, not a gay hug and not in the locker room either)"It's at that point you realise Lady Luck is actually a hooker, and you're fresh out of cash."

If I were clothed and you brought up the professional sport team whose logo I had on my t-shirt, I wouldn't have a problem with it. Depending on how big a fan you were it might turn into a good conversation. "I saw the angel in the marble and carved until I set her free." -Michelangelo

I can see that. And I thanked you for it. I just didn't think it was especially useful.

clum wrote:

Thanks to everyone for their thoughtful advice (except Jack, obviously)

Come on now clum, you didn't thank me... I was the most honest with you though. It would be weird to chat guys up that you don't know in a locker room setting because of the gay undertones. Not saying you are gay... Just saying that it may be misinterpreted as such because of the situation. Like, flip it around and turn the guy you are trying to befriend into a woman...

Why do you think locker rooms aren't co-ed? Because the guys would make up any bullshit to start chatting up the girls right? And why would they be doing this? Why would a guy want to get the attention of a girl, fresh out of the shower? To hit on her of course. Would you be annoyed if some guy waited to chat up your GF/wife while she was in the locker room? What goes on in the locker room? people shower, they get dressed, they groom... I imagine he would be trying to hit on her, no? Turn it back into two guys and well... It's so gay.

clum wrote:

I didn't for a second think you were calling me gay. But surely people who think my actions are gay (whatever that means) would transitively have that same opinion of me.

^^^You kinda contradict yourself here... And also below it seems like you think I was calling you gay so I wanted to clear that up.

clum wrote:

I'm really not very concerned about other people's views on my sexuality.

Okay so sometimes I can't tell if threads like this are an overelaborate joke that I fell for because I mean "locker room chat" sounds like gay erotica...

BUT

This just occurred to me... Do you feel pressure talking to men sometimes? Do you get nervous? Do you second guess what you say? Do you ask yourself often "is this an appropriate time to approach"? Do you sometimes have the fear of rejection in the back of your mind?

Because I feel all these things, to varying degrees. when I approach women I might be interested in. First thing I think about is "is this the right time" so I don't ruin my chances at getting her attention and having it turn into hanging out. Approaching a women while's she's in the panty section (unless she looks like a total slut) at a clothing store would be the wrong moment because she might think I'm a pervert. Same thing with locker room chat. Does that make sense?

I did thank you, Jack, and I do so again. Each subsequent response since your first has been more and more useful. I completely understand the valid point you were originally trying to make, I just think initially you made it rather... shitly.

Magical_felix wrote:

This just occurred to me... Do you feel pressure talking to men sometimes? Do you get nervous? Do you second guess what you say? Do you ask yourself often "is this an appropriate time to approach"? Do you sometimes have the fear of rejection in the back of your mind?

Yes. But I feel like that when I talk to everyone, whether I'm attracted to them or not. That's kind of why I'm trying to work on my communication and kind of why I had to ask this question to which you feel the answer is so blatantly obvious. Some social situations I'm unsure of; I'm okay with admitting that.

Magical_felix wrote:

Okay so sometimes I can't tell if threads like this are an overelaborate joke that I fell for because I mean "locker room chat" sounds like gay erotica...

Yeah... the thread title was purposefully misleading (maybe I have a strange sense of humour) but that's why I went out of my way to include the disclaimer at the start of my post.

My next story is gay erotica actually. Take from that what you will.

THANKS, JACK! (Seriously, I appreciate your honesty, even if I don't especially care for the way you present it).

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