Nicole Richie is reportedly terrified that nude pictures of her and her friends will soon be on the Internet after she lost her camera phone at the L.A. nightspot, Guy’s. While partying with Lindsay Lohan and DJ AM at the karaoke bar, Nicole realized her camera was missing and demanded that the bar immediately shut down the music, turn on the lights and search everyone on the premises. The camera was never found. A source says:

They were having fun and then suddenly she’s freaking out after she realises the camera’s gone…Nicole had been experimenting and had a memory card full of sexy nude photos of her and a lot of friends,” says a source. “They’d be embarrassed if they got out.”

I’m sure the source used the word “sexy” just to be nice, because it would take Criss Angel to make looking at nude pictures of Nicole Richie even remotely tolerable. I’m positive he’d have to hypnotize me to make me think I was a necrophilliac or I was seeing a ghost. Even then he’d have to show me pictures of a car bombing or kittens on fire to make sure I didn’t wake up with nightmares.

Nicole in L.A. earlier this month:

Note: In case you’re too macho to realize how scared you should be, Nicole is now supposedly dating Jeff Goldblum.

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It’s so unfair that the mean old man from Morgan Creek would write that nasty letter to our precious little Lindsay. I mean, it’s pretty clear she’s exhausted, just look at these pictures that were taken since she got the letter. The poor thing obviously needs to be in a wheelchair, but she’s not letting little things like “exhaustion” and “dehydration” get her down. She’s a fighter. Honestly, I really think that we can all learn a valuable lesson from Lindsay here today – that you should never let the threat of legal fees and future employment keep you from realizing your dreams of being a spoiled, drunk slut that everybody hates.

Pamela Anderson, 39, and Kid Rock, 35, were “married” during a wedding ceremony Saturday on a yacht in St. Tropez. France requires that all couples have a civil wedding at the mayor’s office for the union to be legal, but it didn’t stop her from saying it was “the best most romantic wedding of all time.” Jimmy Choo owner Tamara Mellon said:

She was the most beautiful bride I’ve ever seen – like a modern-day Brigitte Bardot…Kid Rock was a total rock star.”

Pamela Anderson wore a white string bikini and Kid Rock wore jeans and a hat. Pam drank champagne and Kid smoked a cigar and chugged Corona. Despite the fact this took place on a yacht in a tropical paradise, this couldn’t have gotten any more white trash unless there was plastic patio furniture and a dog chained to a tree.

If any of you were holding out hope for redemption for the Spears family, specifically the potential hotness of Britney’s younger sister, Jamie Lynn, that dream is now dead. Yesterday I would have thought that Jamie could lose and arm and grow fangs and still turn out hotter than her haggard sister, but then she showed up at the Barnyard premiere with what appears to be a gunshot wound on her lip and shoes that look like she kicked over an urn. She has her own money, she can’t afford concealer or a magic eraser? And please don’t get all uppity because I’m making fun of a 15 year old. I do it all the time when I’m sitting by myself during couple’s skate.

If any of you were holding out hope for redemption for the Spears family, specifically the potential hotness of Britney’s younger sister, Jamie Lynn, that dream is now dead. Yesterday…

When it’s time for some private reflection and practicing your toe curling exercises, most people choose not to share their experience with anyone who’ll watch. Not Victoria Silvstedt, though. She’ll hop right out on her balcony, take those itchy bikini bottoms off and go right to work on herself. I can’t imagine how many people were personally affected by this public display of self violation … the paparazzi, the Christians, the virgins, the fat guy in the bushes … well, as it turns out I am also affected. So much so that I decided to share it with my neighborhood, too.

Be back in a few.

When it’s time for some private reflection and practicing your toe curling exercises, most people choose not to share their experience with anyone who’ll watch. Not Victoria Silvstedt, though. She’ll…

The Smoking Gun was cool enough to get their grubby paws on a letter sent from the CEO of Morgan Creek Productions to Lindsay Lohan. The letter was sent just days after she left the set of their movie, Georgia Rule, citing “heat exhaustion” and “dehydration” as her reasons for bailing on them. The letter calls her excuses for being frequently absent from the set “bogus” and they’re well aware her “exhaustion” is a result of “all night heavy partying.” The letter goes on to inform her she’s cost them hundreds of thousands of dollars in damage, pissed off her co-workers and calls her discourteous, irresponsible, unprofessional and a “spoiled child.” Then he sticks a cherry on top at the end by threatening to sue her if she doesn’t get her shit together.

Lindsay Lohan is a lacklustre actress who’s lucky anyone hires her to do anything. I wouldn’t even pay her to walk my dogs for fear she’d just get them high and have sex with them.

Here’s the letter (click for the larger version):

And lucky for me (and us) I know Lindsay Lohan’s personal MySpace address and after a little investigating, I saw she was dumb enough to leave the following message on one of her friends’ accounts the day after the dehydration debacle (“mike” is her brother, by the way):

Always a good idea to publicly call your employers (who pay you millions of dollars) “cunts” for asking you to do your job, Lindsay. Way to go, jackass.

According to her friends, Jennifer Aniston will not marry Vince Vaughn until Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie get hitched first. Despite the fact that Brad has a new child with Angelina, Jennifer is hoping that she and Brad will one day get back together. A source tells Grazia magazine:

Jen can’t bring herself to remarry as long as Brad still remains technically single.” Friends of the Jennifer, who recently reportedly revealed the former ‘Friends’ actress still has feelings for her ex, say the 37-year-old star is hoping for reconciliation, even despite the fact Brad has a two-month old baby daughter, Shiloh Nouvel, with Angelina. The source added: “If Brad had married Angie, I think Jen would have set her own wedding date by now.”

Earlier this week, Brad’s grandmother said Brad will never marry Angelina until he gets over his failed relationship with Aniston. Just so we’re clear, Brad still intends to marry Angelina, but he wants time to get over his failed marriage, not time to get over Jennifer Aniston. Brad couldn’t have moved on faster if he was dignity at a strip club.

I don’t know what in the hell is happening to Kate Bosworth, but these pictures will do nothing to help the rumors that she hates food and her boyfriend is gay. Unless you’re standing on the other side of the barbed wire, there’s no way seeing this naked could do anything for you. Even Ghandi would tell this chick to eat.