Not long ago, I decided to sell my horse. Even though she's not dangerous or crazy, she's just too much horse for me. This decision was so incredibly hard and I was really upset, so I decided that I would ask for lessons from the trainer we bought the horse from-someone who is very experienced, confident, knowledgable, and someone I deeply respect-in the hopes that maybe she could teach me to have some confidence and how to handle the horse.

So, almost a week ago, I asked my dad about it. Immediately, he spouted every excuse he could find ("She works a lot", "She doesn't have a proper arena"...) before realizing I was not easily put off and ended with "Yeah, we can ask her". He said it in the tone of voice that I have come to learn means there's a very good chance that he will NOT actually ask her or even talk to her.

I don't like to nag him, because he gets irritated and angry when I do, so I haven't said a word since that night, hoping but not believing that if I gave him a few days, he might get around to it.

I asked him again tonight. I picked up the phone, turned to him and said: "What's [the trainer]'s number?" and he replied: "I have no idea......we'll get ahold of her (eventually)." Again, in the tone that means he is NOT going to get ahold of her.

I asked him to ask her first because she knows him and it would just be more suitable for him to talk to her. Now though, it seems I need to do it. After the conversation with dad tonight, I googled her name and in about 2 minutes had found her phone number. However, I have not yet told dad.

I don't know why he is so resistant to speaking to her. As far as I know, he is impressed by her and her work. He has never had a single bad thing to say about her to anyone. I had to stop taking lessons from a different instructor this summer as money would be an issue, but I am not even asking him to pay for me. I told him the first time I asked that I can pay for it. All he would have to do is trailer my horse over there, and he has never objected to trailering me anywhere. I don't see a reason, besides money (which I am covering) that he wouldn't want me to take lessons, least of all from her, so I don't know why he's procrastinating.

So now, I have her number and dad doesn't know. Dad is not going to talk to her, and I'm not eager to nag at him. I'm thinking that I am just going to go ahead and speak to her myself. I just don't know what to say. I don't think she'll remember me unless I tell her I'm dad's kid, and I don't know if she'd even remember the horse (who she sold to us 2 years ago).

It's probably unnecessary to ask, but what should I say to her when I call her? I was thinking: "Hi, ____, it's ____: ____ ____'s daughter, how are you?...[insert trainer's reply here]...I was just wondering if you gave riding lessons?" And then go from there. Does that sound alright? I'm terrible at speaking to strangers, let alone over the phone and one that I respect, admire and am intimidated by.

Should I tell dad I'm going to call her? I feel frustrated and confused that he is being so stubborn about this whole deal, and I don't know what his problem is. To be honest, I would rather we drive over there so I can talk to her face to face, but I don't want to pester dad about it.

This is one of the tough parts about being a minor; if you aint payin' the bills, you aint' callin' the shots. That's my opinion. I think you should ask your father, "may I please call her.? I really want to get going on this. I can save you the hassle and do it for you." But , if it's him that would pay for the lessons (is it?) then you cannot keep him in the dark, at all.

No, as I said above, I told him that I would pay for it. He would have to haul me there...gas bills...but he has never ever had a problem with that. He has offered to trailer me and my friend out to trails, and I think her place is closer than the Forest.

I think tomorrow I will ask him if I can call her. No point doing it now...it's rude to call someone at 11 at night anyways.

If I were you I would let you dad know first as even though you are paying for the lessons he is involved as he will be taking you there.
You could start that conversation by saying something along the lines of
'hey dad, I am really keen to call that trainer, I found her number and I am have the money to pay for the lessons. do you think we could talk about what your reservations are about it, as I get the feeling you are not keen'

Then depending on how that goes, give the trainer a call and what you typed here is fine. It explains who you are and what you are looking for. If you are nervous just remember not to rush your speech. :)

I don't think its a good idea to contact the trainer if you know her through your father without your father consenting. Either confront him about it directly and ask him why he won't contact, and if it is okay for you to contact her, or you can wait until he does. Give him the number and the phone and see what he says.

Its been two years - perhaps the way you remember the trainer and he remembers her is different? There would have to be some reason why he is stalling.

If you bought the horse off the trainer, is it possible that your Dad doesn't want to have to tell her that the horse was sold on? Is it possible that there was some sort of verbal agreement between your Dad and the trainer that the trainer would have first right of refusal in the event of a sale?

Is it possible that the horse was sold for more than what you guys paid for it when you bought it off this trainer? Not that there would be anything wrong with that, but if it comes up in conversation it may be somewhat awkward.

All horses deserve, at least once in their lives, to be loved by a little girl.

To the OP, I think contacting this person for advice and lessons is a wonderful idea. Even in the worst case scenario, if she can't help you be confident and comfortable around the horse, she may have another customer who would be interested in the horse or otherwise be a resource to sell him.

I do agree with the posters who said you have to discuss this with your father if he's going to be involved in getting you to the lessons. Straightforward approach is best. "Dad, I found the trainer's number online. If I call her up and set up a time for lessons, are you okay with taking me? Of course I'll be paying the lesson fee." If he balks or makes excuses at this, then ask if there's a reason he doesn't think it's a good idea or what his reservations are.

And good luck!

PS - Non-horsey parents are pretty clueless about this stuff. My own father frequently said he didn't understand why I still took lessons; that I must have had bad instructiors or been doing something wrong if I still needed lessons after all this time.

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