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Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

My baby is almost three weeks and I'm ready to throw in the breast feeding towel. It's 'working' for us in the sense that he latches and feeds well (after some fussiness), but it is taking it's toll on me. I don't enjoy breast feeding at all. I don't feel like it is helping me bond with my baby. I am not at all comfortable doing it in public (covered or not) so we are tied to the house for the most part. Breast feedin makes me feel tied down and not like myself. I'm thinking it's time to switch to formula for my sanity sake. Any recommendations? Does it get any easier? Will I ever feel that 'bond'? Will he ever nurse on somewhat of a schedule so we can at least plan trips out of the house around feelings?

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

Yes it gets easier. Yes it takes some time. Your baby is so very young. At 3 weeks your child is still regulating your supply. And it's normal for a new born to want constant contact with their mother and to eat around the clock. Most of of us spend the 1st 6-12 weeks finding our groove as nursing dyads. If you are making enough milk, don't stop. Don't stop giving your child the best possible nutrition for FREE so that you can start paying to feed her substandard food that puts her at risk. No one feels bonded via breastfeeding at 3 weeks EXCEPT THE BABY. And her and her nutrition should be your top priority at this point. Feeling the bonding over nursing takes time. Months. Don't quit. You will never be sorry you stuck with it. Even if you never love it, from a healthy nutrition standpoint there is so much to be proud of in terms of producing food and having it be exactly what YOUR baby needs. Your milk will grow and change with her. It will give her your antibodies to protect her from sickness. It will teach her to self regulate rather than learning to eat until a bottle is empty. The longer you do it, the better it is for both her and you. You will learn to get out with the baby and to feed the baby while out. But I think having expectations about picking up and fitting the baby into the lifestyle you had before, especially this soon are unrealistic.
I ran with my baby. We were completely on the go the first year of his life. But I didn't try to plan a trip out of the house by myself with him until he was 5 weeks old. And even then it was Mommy group once a week. It takes time. And mother nature means for you to be doing not much else in these early weeks. It's when you get to know each other. Spend the days just holding and feeding your baby. Because you will blink your eyes and your toddler will be RUNNING away from you and you will long for these days. Set up a nursing station in the morning. Where you can be comfortable being all day. Have your phones, Laptop, Movies if you are going to watch them, books if you are going to read them. I got up to pee, change diapers and get more food for me. Wake up with
the goal of feeding the baby. It's not for long Mama. Stay focused. You can do this.

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

Oh man, it's hard the first few weeks. Please don't feel like you've missed the breastfeeding boat because you aren't enjoying it from the beginning. It is so much better for you and your baby and you are so lucky not to have problems with latching and feeding. It's working and it WILL get easier, I promise. You and your baby will BOTH get better at nursing and your baby will start to settle into somewhat predictable patterns. Of course the patterns will change every few weeks, but you'll get used to that, too.

You aren't yourself any more. You are yourself with a baby and that's an entirely different thing. But it's not necessarily because you are nursing. Your baby needs you, whether you're nursing or not, and that is a hard thing to get used to, but you do get used to it. The lost feeling goes away and you start to trust your instincts as a mother. You are doing the right thing right now. I encourage you to give it some more time. Even for experienced moms those first few weeks are often the hardest.

I've both exclusively nursed and exclusively formula fed and speaking from my own experience it is SO MUCH easier when you are just nursing. No bottles to wash and sterilize, no remembering to bring formula and bottles and safe water every time you leave the house. No measuring and trying to remember how much baby drank and when.

Once you are more used to nursing and feeling better about it I encourage you to come back and ask for some tips to help you feel more comfortable nursing in public. It's kind of a fiasco with a newborn, or it can be especially if you're feeling self conscious. Point being, you won't be tied to the house forever.

“We are not put on earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.”
--Anonymous

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

I remember feeling very annoyed with having to breastfeed with my first child, both just with actually doing it, and also some problems we encountered. I only stuck with it because I thought myself it was best for my baby. I'm glad I did, and am now nursing my 3rd child. I did go on to enjoy it.

WHen other moms tell me they want to quit, I usually tell them why not try to get to 6 or 8 weeks and then see how you feel. Its only a few more weeks, and if at that point, you still feel this way, you can think about it again. But really, really, it does get much easier around that time. I remember a good friend telling me that I better be right, because she was ready to quit too. But she did it and went on to enjoy nursing and is currently nursing that now toddler.

However, it IS your baby and your choice. No one can make that choice for you. I do believe it will get easier for you if you stick it out, but you also need to make the choice you feel is best for you.

One thing to keep in mind is that sometimes moms have trouble feeling bonding right away with their children. Sometimes it can be due to post partum blues/depression. Sometimes it doesn't, and it just takes time.

Babies do space out their feedings more as they age, and as they become more efficient. That is partly why I always say to try to at least make it to 6-8 weeks. I'd give it that and see how it goes. Its only 3-5 more weeks- it will fly by in one sense (although maybe not in the moment)

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

I thought the same too ! And i had cracked nipples, it hurt so bad that i just didnt want one more feeding session. My DD used to feed for 45 min to an hour every hour or so especially in her third week.
Now at close to six weeks BF is much more enjoyable than before, and i actually look forward to it. One thing that might help is, if you have a breast-pump or can handexpress for atleast one feeding session, you can have somebody else feed your LO and take some rest or catch up on your sleep. However i dont know how many experts will actually encourage introducing a bottle so early, since it might cause nipple confusion. I was lucky that my DD didnt face that problem.
But hang in there, soon you might find BF a wonderful experience.

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

But right now at 3 weeks and at the 6 week point your child will be spurting so there should be a 3-5day period in there where it feels like ALL. YOU. DO. IS. FEED. That is how they demand enough to keep up with their every growing bodies.

Last edited by @llli*djs.mom; May 14th, 2012 at 07:40 PM.
Reason: missed a word

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

Originally Posted by @llli*djs.mom

But right now at 3 weeks and at the 6 week point your child will be spurting so there should be a 3-5 period in there where it feels like ALL. YOU. DO. IS. FEED. That is how they demand enough to keep up with their every growing bodies.

I sometimes dont realise what day of the week it is, just going from one feeding session to next. But with minimal pain (i still have vasospasms), it doesnt seem that difficult. Also, my LO sometimes looks into my eyes and if I pick her up when its about feeding time, she calms down and mews. Doesnt do that if anybody else picks her up. its just so endearing.

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

It was a couple months before I stopped hating nursing. It was a couple more months before I was actually happy to be nursing my baby. Then a couple months after that I had a very serious injury and nursing was the only thing I could do unassisted to care for my baby for the three months of recovery. At that point it truly saved my sanity, and I have never been so happy to have stuck with something in my entire life.

I agree with the other posters that you should get through the first couple growth spurts before making any final decisions. The early weeks can be pretty miserable, but it truly does get much easier as you go!

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

I love DJsmom's comment above that the only person who really feels bonded at three weeks is the BABY. That is so true. I had so many problems with breastfeeding in the first weeks, I really wasn't feeling like I was "bonding" until quite a bit later. I mean, how much can you bond when you're in constant pain? But later, it really did become pleasant and natural and lovely. Just take it day by day. I used to tell myself, I could think about quitting again tomorrow. But for today, I was sticking it out. And that got me through a lot of days, until I no longer wanted to quit.

You can call me JoMo!

Mom to baby boy Joe, born 5/4/09 and breastfed for more than two and a half years, and baby girl Maggie, born 7/9/12.

Re: Help, almost 3 weeks and ready to give up

Thanks for the tips. I'm trying to hold out until the 6 week mark before quitting but not sure if I'll make it until then. I go back to work at 12 weeks maybe earlier and would like to enjoy some of my time with him before then.