Never Alone: Why I Want To Be a Social Worker - Music

Monster

Monster, by Sydney Holofcener

by Sydney Holofcener

I wrote the song "Monster" in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Week, 10 months after I was diagnosed with my own monster, Anorexia Nervosa. I wanted to take the opportunity to bring justice to all those suffering in silence, raise awareness for an illness that is surrounded by so many stigmas, and help people know they're not alone. This song was the turning point. This song marks the point where I knew that what I have to say matters. My story matters. I am worth listening to. That is the reason I am in college as a social work major. I want to be there for people who are afraid to have a voice or are yet to realize the power they have.

I initially wrote this song for my high school's talent show. I was shaking from the fear of vulnerability when I walked out into the light of the stage and up to the microphone. Singing this song in front of the whole student body meant that my heart was about to ooze out of my mouth, roll off my tongue, and touch the small worlds that were the hearts of everyone in the room. Some knew I had previously skipped the first two months of my senior year to go to residential treatment, but most didn't. My biggest fear was that nobody would get it. Much like the eating disorder in my brain would try and convince me of my insignificance, I was afraid I would be left on stage, alone in my thoughts and feelings. However, like always, my eating disorder was feeding me lies.

The reaction from the crowd was more than my mind even let me expect. I got a standing ovation. I left the stage shaking in shock and awe. I felt stronger in that moment than the false control of my eating disorder had ever made me feel. I will never forget the three little girls who came up to me with roses and thanked me for sharing my story - their mom in the distance, giving me a soft, thankful smile. The best thing that happened that night was when people began opening up about their personal stories and experiences with eating disorders and mental illness - either personal, or with people they knew. I realized I wasn’t alone.

That is why I want to be a social worker. I want people to realize the vastness of the phrase, “You are not alone.” Until I sang this song at my talent show, I didn’t understand what it meant either. Through authenticity and vulnerability, people came together. I have never written a song so fast in my life. They were the words that, at the time, I was still trying to convince myself of, but they were equally the worlds that many people need to be reminded of, as well. My past struggle with mental illness ended up being the path that brought me to the silver lining of discovering what I want to do with my life - major in social work and become an adolescent mental health therapist.

Everyone has a story. No one is alone or “crazy.” Social work has allowed me to put my life experiences to good use. We are all more than the lies our minds tell us.

-Sydney Holofcener

The link to my YouTube Channel and music video for the song, "Monster" –

Sydney Holofcener is a Social Work major at Belmont University. She is an eating disorder survivor who advocates for mental health support for college students, and plans to become an Adolescent Mental Health therapist.