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Occupy Hell: How come 1% of the forumers get 99% of the gifts?! [Secret Satans]

Box 1 of my Satanee's gift arrived yesterday evening, and I am very pleased with it. I was a little anxious at first, but was very relieved once I got my hands on and examined it a bit.
So excited to put it all together and send it off!

well, I decided to check the mail on my way home. in my post earlier tonight I mentioned a package slot key, and lo there was one. A small package was found and quickly ferreted inside, out of the rain. I started taking pictures of the Unboxing. I was quite giddy. Then I opened to box.

To say I was a little disappointed to find the special edition version of TellTale's Back to the Future game, that I had ordered, instead of a secret satan gift is a bit of an understatement.

Hey @Margarazzi you should update your list to reflect the first completed Satans chain.

Because lo and behold, when I went to walk the dog tonight, the gate guard at the top of our street stopped me and said they had tried to deliver a package this afternoon while I was at work... and @Blake T is totally my Satan.

(Okay you're right I may have suspected something to this effect, Blake.)

Hey @Margarazzi you should update your list to reflect the first completed Satans chain.

Because lo and behold, when I went to walk the dog tonight, the gate guard at the top of our street stopped me and said they had tried to deliver a package this afternoon while I was at work... and @Blake T is totally my Satan.

(Okay you're right I may have suspected something to this effect, Blake.)

Present photo bonanza incoming!

AND THE BEST PART IS THAT I KNEW ABOUT THIS CHAIN AND NEITHER OF THEM HAD A *CLUE*

Also, this promise of more... I wonder if this refers to the stuff I already got or even more because that would be nuts.

I uh...

Errr...

<.<
>.>

Make sure you have room somewhere for more parcels... There is indeed more Christmas cheer winging its way to you.

All that shaving stuff was meant to come as one package, but I had to get it from different retailers. Also, why Amazon, why? There should be an option to make gifts anonymous, dangit! I didn't know they'd put my name all over the top of everything like that. You weren't going to find out until the very last package got to you...

Also, this promise of more... I wonder if this refers to the stuff I already got or even more because that would be nuts.

I uh...

Errr...

<.<
>.>

Make sure you have room somewhere for more parcels... There is indeed more Christmas cheer winging its way to you.

All that shaving stuff was meant to come as one package, but I had to get it from different retailers. Also, why Amazon, why? There should be an option to make gifts anonymous, dangit! I didn't know they'd put my name all over the top of everything like that. You weren't going to find out until the very last package got to you...

Aw man! I ruined the surprise! I think you can mark an anonymous box somewhere during checkout?

When Blake was talking about his package getting a personal seat in the airplane and all of that roughly coincided with my mysterious texts I thought, "My, wouldn't it be funny if we were each other's Satans?"

Anyway! Onward! I'm spoilering the blow-by-blow account.

Haechi was experimental in carrying the box from the top of the ridge down to our house.

Spoiler:

After, he expected some compensation in the form of brown paper to eat.

Spoiler:

Inside the paper wrapper was in fact a quite cleverly assembled cardboard container. How long did this even take you to make? I'm guessing, forever?

Spoiler:

Oh boy oh boy it's a card!

Spoiler:

The card is in fact to a Merry Christmas Wanker, complete with pictures of an inappropriate Santa. And the message is really nice! Thanks, Blake! I will extra enjoy my time with my friends and family.

Spoiler:

But who cares about that? FUCKING PRESENTS.

Spoiler:

LOOK AT ALL THESE PRESENTS AHHHH

First up was the one that I could immediately identify as Tim Tams due to the crunchy and bad-for-you vibe it gave off through the wrapper. I have never had a rum and raisin Tim Tam before and so I was morally obligated to consume one immediately. (They are delicious.)

Spoiler:

The next thing was really puzzling (I think someone had guessed it was toilet paper? Sorry, it wasn't toilet paper) until I picked it up and assessed the shape, which I recognize due to fondling the contents frequently at the shop. Someone is an excellent stalker! My favouritest favourite body wash and lotion.

Spoiler:

At this point any normal human being would probably have rested on their laurels but I'm super-glad Blake did not, because otherwise I wouldn't have received THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER.

Spoiler:

I just... how can these even exist? I was going to start Christmas cookie baking this weekend after my exams but fuuuck that, moustache baking all day erry day.

Obviously I tried one on. (I am super-grungy from kindergarten and working out, but how could I not?)

Spoiler:

AND THEN IT GOT MORE AWESOME. A gorgeous red kitchen scale! It's slim and glass and so pretty, you guys don't even know. I have wanted one of these honestly forever. It's one of those stupid items you know you need but you never buy because other things always seem more urgent. Now I have one and it's soooo shiny and beautiful!

Spoiler:

Understand that at this point I had stopped unwrapping and chortled uncontrollably multiple times. I'd actually considered gumming the kitchen scale box like a baby with its special blankie. But there was still one package left (impossibly). Inside was this!

Spoiler:

I can not wait to try out some of these recipes! The book is on my lap as we speak and I'm thrilled to have a cookbook where the ingredients are actually readily available to me. Although this black cloud ear fungus business might be hard to acquire. On the inside Blake wrote, "Dear Sandra, Merry Christmas! I hope you like this book. I have a copy of it myself and it's in terrible condition due to over use. I hope you like it as much as I did. Blake 2011. P.S. Make the wontons on 264."

Those wontons look so freaking delicious.

And that finally concludes my amazing haul! Blake knocked it out of the fucking park, so good luck to the rest of you guys trying to match this stuff!

Did every thing stay wrapped up, because I uh, lied everywhere on that form.

What's in it!
Are there batteries!
How much is it worth?

Everything was wrapped up but you may notice that ID Recorded sticker which I have no idea what means! Also I lied my pants off on your incoming (hopefully soon arriving? tomorrow?) package. "WORTH? TEN DOLLARS. CONTENTS? CIRCUS PEANUTS" was I think basically what I wrote.

Instead of sleeping or studying I'm drooling over this cookbook. I want to eat everything in here.

By the way Viv is it true that in Chinese "eating rice" is synonymous with having had a meal? Because it's the same in Korean!

Also by the way I'm in the middle of reading this article about Australian canyons and I've decided that you should probably go do your climby thing in these places if you haven't already, Blake, because these photos are awesome.