Two Boys
A Catholic boy and an Islamic boy were talking and the Catholic boy said, "My priest knows more than your Allah." The Islamic boy said, "Of course he does, you tell him everything."

I'm Gonna Jump
In Mumbai, a man is going to jump off the building. Up rushes good Hindu cop to talk him down. Cop yells up to the man "Don't jump! Think of your father" Man replies "Haven't got a father; I'm going to jump."

The cop goes through a list of relatives, mother, brothers, sister, etc. Each time man says "haven't got one; going to jump."

Mullah
A friend asked the mulla how old are you?
Forty replied the mullah.
The friend said but you said the samething two years ago!
Yes replied the mullah, I always stand by what I have said.

Central Park
A college student is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He saves the girl's life, but the pit bull is killed in the process. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

Phone Call
Three men want make phone call from Hell to remind to their relatives about its harsh conditions Their Nationalities were American, Italian and Iraqi.

So they decide to go to Devil who is the boss. So the American made a call and the Devil made him to pay 100 USD, then an Italian made a call and the Devil made him to pay 10 Euros on fact that Italy is less developed than that of USA.

LASTLY an Iraqi made a call and the Devil made him to pay a cent.

Both the American and Italian complain as it is not fair and the devil responded to them "The Iraqi call was a local call whereas your was an International call"

Religious Shit

Taoism
Shit happens.

Buddhism
If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam
If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism
Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism
Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism
This shit happened before.

Catholicism
Shit happens because you're bad.

Hare Krishna
Shit happens rama rama.

T.V. Evangelism
Send more shit.

Atheism
No shit.

Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, shit happens.

Hedonism
There's nothing like a good shit happening.

Christian Science
Shit happens in your mind.

Agnosticism
Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.

Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this shit.

Existentialism
What is shit anyway?

Stoicism
This shit doesn't bother me.

Handy Phrases
A few handy Arabic phrases translated to English -- in case you're ever kidnapped by terrorists.

SHOMAEH FIKR TAMOMEH GEH GOFTEK BANDE.= I agree with everything you have ever
said or thought in your life.

AUTO ARRAREGH DVATEMAN MAMO SEPAHEH-HAST.= It is exceptionally kind of you to
allow me to travel in the trunk of your car.

FASHAL-EH TUPEHMAN NA DEGAT MANO GOFTAM CHEESHAYEH MOHEMA RAJEBEH KESHAVAREHMAN.=
If you will do me the kindness of not harming my genital appendages I will
gladly reciprocate by betraying my country in public.

KHREL JEPAHEH MANEH VA JAYEII AMRKAHEY.= I will tell you the names and addresses
of many American spies travelling as reporters.