Boys and Homework

Hi, My son is 12 and in year 8 and we as a family are finding the homework ( mainly project work) a nightmare! I wake up thinking about what approach we should take and how it should be done. Then I think its not my homework but then I need to advise. He is a good boy but settling down to project work he seems to not want to give input! My husband spent hours with him yesterday teaching him how to research and get info.
My worry is are we helping him too much? I dont want him to fail.

Yes it is his homework not yours! and once he knows how to research then it should be him actually doing it and then using his research to complete his project. I assume you have guidelines on how much time he should be spending on this so other than giving him the opportunity and encouragement and maybe some initial help to get started he then needs to work independently. If he does not start to do this now he may become too dependant on you in the future and in year 10 you will not be allowed to help him with coursework for his GCSE's because it must then be his own work.

I agree with the previous poster, it should just be pointing him in the right direction and encouraging him. My son is in the same year as your son, he had a history project to do and did it all himself the night before!! The only advice I gave was for him to read around the subject but make sure he put the info in his own words, ( his teacher felt that he hadn't used his own words in some places and I did tell him that he would probably do a better job if he'd not crammed the night before!! ).

It maybe that as parents you feel he should start his homework before he feels the need and therefore when you see him leaving it to the last minute you get anxious........ I've just read a book called He'll Be Ok by Celia Lashlie and she says that it's pretty much the norm for boys to leave their homework until the last moment, when they realise it can be put off no longer, that's the male psychi for you it seems!!

Hi! Thanks for your advice! I feel reassured. I know they have to do it themselves, just so hard to make them feel like its important! Its his first proper project, so after our help on this one, I am going to let him go alone! As you say in Y10 they are on their own.
Have a good day!

It does get better

My son is now 14 but we had the same problems from the age of 11. We found that he left his homework till the day before he needed it back, sometimes in the morning before school. Despite all our nagging and 'chats' nothing worked. But as he got to 13/14 he suddenly started to realise just how important his GCSE's were going to be and slowly he started to do his homework a bit earlier and put in more of an effort.
Deciding that nagging him wasn't working we then just had short brief discussions at teatime about possible future career ideas and then got details from the Uni's etc about qualifications required and slowly but surely the seed seems to have been sown in his mind and he has picked up on the need to do his homework and to a higher standard that he used to. They do change a lot from year 9 onwards.
The hardest thing we found was trying to not 'get on' at him all the time as he would instantly put up a barrier and you could see there was no getting though. But with short stress free discussions and allowing him time to think about it he will no doubt come to this conclusion himself in due course.

I've found it helpful to ask regularly whether they have coursework, project work or homework, then use the "what help would you like from us with this piece of work, or are you fine doing this without help?" approach.

It makes it clear that it's their homework and their responsibility, but I'm happy to lend a hand if they want something. The sort of help they may ask for is a lift to the library, tips on internet searching, showing them how to break a big project into smaller chunks.

Ur welcome
My son is in year 11, he still leaves things to the last minute but it is up to him now!

Hey Lisa, Know this one well. My son spent all day Sunday on his BTEC Art course work that had to be handed in Monday. I think it is a case of lesson learned. We banned the X Box on week days which has helped. I guess some kids can motivate themselves better than others, like us adults. X

Hi Mel,
It can be hard finding the right balance with homework, as parents we do want our children to succeed and do well, and helping your son with his first project has given him a good start for any future projects he has to complete.

i would have a word with his teacher they very very likely will have a homework club at school for each subject and if he did it there he would find it much easier as he is in school mode. his brain isnt programmed to work at night when hes home , are any of us! so doing it at school or the library before he switches off will help.

Hi Netmums

It sounds all very daunting as I have twins of 9 years. I am this moment in time helping both children to do their homework and I am hoping that when they reach your sons age they know what to do. Not everything works out I know and girls are more likely to pick up things quicker than boys. I hope when it comes to that stage I will be able to stand back and let them get on with it. Obviously with our vast knowledge ha ha....... we can help our children to a certain extent and not forgetting we learn new things along the way too.