Website; http://www.paranoid.nl/avalon/
Pairing: Glorfindel / Erestor
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Erestor and Glorfindel stay with the twins who made the choice to be
mortal until their dying day. Standing at their funeral pyres, Erestor makes a
startling admission, which leaves Glorfindel completely shocked. Now that the
twins have died, Erestor is finally free to admit the truth and mourn the
family he never had. Now, the time has come for Erestor to make his own choice.

Disclaimer: These characters are all Tolkien’s.
Warning: AU, character death (Elladan, Arwen and Elrohir) Angst?
Author’s Note: This story is completely AU. I had to give Erestor a different
background for this story to work.

Erestor of Imladris

Heartbroken, Glorfindel listened to the soft web of melody
and words that Erestor’s magical voice wove around the dying twins, making their
passing much more peaceful. Never before had Erestor raised his voice in song
like that. Never before had he seen such emotion on the dark-haired Elf’s
features. Not *once* had he heard such pain in the beautiful voice and it
saddened him, that he – a great and fabled warrior – could do nothing to stop
this pain, for the twins had made their choices many decades ago. They had
chosen mortality, never revealing their reasons for doing so.

Maybe Erestor knew, though. Glorfindel had seen the three of
them grow close toward the end and he had found comfort in the fact that
Erestor had managed to ease their pain.

The calming song stopped abruptly and a keening wail left
Erestor’s lips. Glorfindel was pulled away from his trance and he quickly moved
forward until he could slip his long and strong arms around Erestor’s trembling
frame. The dark-haired Elf was kneeling at the twins’ feet, who had snuggled up
on a chair together, holding each other tightly. One look at the twins told him
that their spirits had gone and that they had left for whatever place Eru
Ilúvatar had designated for the souls of Man to dwell.

Erestor shook in his arms and the dark-haired Elf released
tears of bitter pain. Glorfindel wondered if his friend was even aware of his
presence. Rocking Erestor gently, he began to whisper soothingly. He had seen
the lights in the twins’ eyes die slowly during these last few days and he had
known that death would come quickly for them now, but what he hadn’t foreseen
was the effect their deaths would have on Erestor.

He cast a quick look at Elrohir’s face. The eyes had closed
and a smile, revealing peace of mind, had settled on the features in death.
Looking at Elladan, Glorfindel found a similar emotion on the other twin’s
face. They had made their choices and had never regretted them.

“They have found peace now,” he whispered into Erestor’s
right ear. “Let them go.” His friend, and former Chief Advisor to Elrond, had
surprised him these last few years. It had started when Erestor had announced his
decision not to sail for Aman, which had shocked Elrond, but the half-Elf had
had no choice but accept Erestor’s decision. Then, Erestor had moved to Minas
Tirith, spending many years with Arwen and Estel, whilst Glorfindel had
remained with the twins.

Erestor had stayed with Arwen long after Estel had died and
he had been the one to close her eyes in death. Only then had the dark-haired
Elf returned to Imladris to spend every waking moment with the twins, making
Glorfindel even feel left out at times. But all that seemed so irrelevant now
as they were seated at the twins’ feet. “They made their choices, and they
brought them serenity.”

But Erestor began to shake harder in his arms, sobbing
brokenly, and Glorfindel judged the time had come for him to take charge of
this situation. For the first time in his life Erestor needed him to be the
strong one now that the raven-haired Elf was overcome with grief. Glorfindel
gently slid his arms beneath Erestor’s knees and back and lifted him slowly in
his strong arms.

“No… No…”

Erestor’s pitiful whimpers almost made him reconsider, but
in the end, Glorfindel carried him out of the twins’ rooms and headed for his
bedroom instead. “They have found peace in death, Erestor. We should not
disturb their rest.” Hearing Erestor’s sob almost broke his heart in turn, but
knowing Erestor needed him made him push away his own pain so he could be there
for his friend.

With one hand he pushed down the door handle and he then
carried Erestor into his own rooms. He tenderly deposited his charge on the bed
and slid into place behind the weeping Elf. His arms tightly encircled the
trembling waist and he pulled Erestor close. “Weep and mourn their passing,
though the twins would not want you to. Elrohir and Elladan died the way they
wanted; holding each other and whilst having us close.”

Erestor whimpered softly and that sound brought tears to
Glorfindel’s eyes. “Oh, Erestor, we knew this day would come!” Grief
overwhelmed him and he released his own tears. Together, they wept and clung to
each other.

Arwen, Elrohir and Elladan, Elrond’s beautiful children were
no more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ithil stood high in the sky when Glorfindel finally awoke
from a dreamless and restless sleep. Erestor was still in his arms and must
have wept himself to sleep, exhausting himself. The twins’ demise had shaken
them harder than he had expected. The two ancient Elves had had a long time to
make peace with the twins’ choices, and he had been under the impression that
Erestor had accepted their mortality as well, but maybe he had been wrong.

Nuzzling Erestor’s neck, he deeply inhaled the salty scent
that surrounded the dark-haired Elf. /I wish I knew how to comfort you
properly. But is there even a way to soothe you?/ Pain, regret, and grief
demanded their own time and wouldn’t be rushed into healing.

These last few decades had been hard on them – Erestor
especially. At least Glorfindel had been spared witnessing Arwen and Estel’s
demise, but Erestor had been there, had stood at Arwen’s side after her husband
had died. It was Erestor who had held Arwen’s hand on her death bed, lending
all the support he could to Eldarion, who had openly cried when losing his
mother. Erestor had seen more pain and grief than Glorfindel had and the
dark-haired Elf had never let them down, had always been there for them to lean
on. Now it seemed that Erestor needed a strong shoulder to cry on in turn, and
Glorfindel was determined to be there for his friend. Weren’t they alone in
Imladris now, still beautiful in her neglected state? Who else was there to
offer Erestor comfort? No one, except for him, that was.

Glorfindel hummed a lullaby softly, which he had picked up
from Erestor himself, who had softly sung it to the children. But never had
that voice possessed such an unearthly beauty as it had when singing to the
dying twins.

As he was facing the window, Glorfindel stared at the
star-lit sky. Surprised, he noticed the shower of falling stars, which
descended directly onto the Last Homely House. “Maybe it is Eärendil, coming
for his grandsons to finally take them home.”

“Your voice woke me.” Erestor shifted closer to Glorfindel,
relishing the warmth that surrounded him. “It is beautiful.” One star made its
way toward them, almost touched the balcony and then exploded with light in
front of their window.

Glorfindel tucked Erestor’s head firmly beneath his chin and
continued the gentle rocking, surprised that Erestor allowed this. “I truly
believe they are at peace now, my friend. We should let them go and not cling
to their memory.”

“But memories are all I have now,” whispered Erestor in
obvious pain before closing his eyes and locking out Glorfindel, the stars, and
the deaths that had shaken his world. “And I need to cling to them or else I
will lose my sanity.”

Glorfindel frowned at that, but didn’t question Erestor, who
was weeping once more, and allowed his friend to mourn the terrible loss. In
the meantime, he would be the strong one so Erestor could lean on.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

/Glorfindel says they found peace in death, but how can I
believe that? I know what motivated their choices and I should have been the
one to talk some sense into them. But I did not, knowing they were entitled to
making their own choices. If only I had known back then the pain their choices
would bring for me, I might have tried to change their mind./

Erestor had woken just before dawn and now stared at the
mirror, which allowed him to catch a glimpse of the rising sun. Arien’s
reflections were radiant and seemed to mock the loss he had suffered that night.
He had lost them all. Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir were gone now.

/What keeps me here now? I should join them in death./ But
then Glorfindel was moving about, pulling him closer and the blond’s soft
exhale of breath caressed his skin. /He will sail for Aman./ Glorfindel would
leave Imladris now that the Peredhil he had helped raise had gone. /I do not
want to dwell here alone…/

“Erestor? Are you awake?”

Glorfindel’s voice pulled him away from his thoughts and
Erestor whispered, “Aye, I am awake, but I do not want to be.” Shortly, he
would have to face the twins again and he would be confronted with the loss
again.

“I will erect the pyre,” offered Glorfindel, truly believing
that Erestor would want to be the one to see to the dead twins this last time.
“Will you keep vigil with them until sunset?” The twins would be placed on the
pyre then and be freed of their earthly bodies.

“I will,” said Erestor, swallowing convulsively. He could do
this for the twins.

“Turn toward me? Please look at me?”

Erestor allowed Glorfindel to slowly roll him onto his back
and then onto his right side until he was face to face with the blond. He
closed his eyes, as tears threatened to spill from them once more.

“You are allowed to mourn,” said Glorfindel, softly, “You
need not hide your pain for me, for I share your grief.”

/Nay, you do not,/ thought Erestor, saddened. /You cannot
possibly know what their deaths mean to me./
But even in this state he understood that Glorfindel was hurting as well and he
returned the hug the blond bestowed on him. Glorfindel had been his friend for
millennia and he was thankful that the blond was there for him. “Thank you.”

Glorfindel raised an eyebrow. “We are both hurting, my
friend.”

Erestor moistened his lips, feeling nervous. “I ought to
leave your bed and sit with the twins,” he swallowed hard, “for this very last
time.”

“I won’t let you ago just yet. Look at me, Erestor, open
your eyes. There is no reason to lock me out.”

Erestor’s eyes fluttered open and fastened on Glorfindel’s
cerulean ones, clearly seeing pain and hurt there. They were already hurting
and he was only making it worse by shutting the blond out. /But he does not
understand my pain!/ And how could Glorfindel? The blond didn’t know the truth
– only Erestor did... and Celebrían. “I can deal with this,” he said, finally
realizing what his friend needed to hear. “I can do this for them – for you.” Unexpectedly,
Glorfindel’s lips brushed his brow and Erestor’s breath caught at the sweet
sensation, which seemed so undeserved, so out of place in the midst of his
grief.

“I will join you after I finish their pyre,” said
Glorfindel, reassuringly. “You are not alone in this. We shall support each
other.”

Erestor nodded once, no longer seeking to avoid eye-contact.
They would be there for each other in their darkest hour.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor worked in silence. He had undressed Elrohir, bathed
him, and had dressed him again in his finest robes. Tenderly, he had combed and
braided the twin’s hair. His self-discipline had kept him going, but when he
pulled Elladan toward him, the façade shattered and tears appeared in his eyes.
His lips moved instinctively, singing the lullaby Glorfindel had hummed that
night. He still recalled with startling vividness singing it to the twins, and
later to Arwen. They had been such sweet babies and had always fallen asleep
during that lullaby.

Now the three half-Elves slept their eternal slumber of
death and were beyond his reach. He had lost Arwen first, beautiful and strong
Arwen, who had given up her immortality to be with the love of her life. And
although Estel had lived long, mortality had claimed him in the end, leaving
her behind in sorrow and pain. He had stayed at her side – and her son’s – and
had done his best to comfort them. But Arwen’s heart had been broken and never
healed again. She had died shortly after her husband, leaving Eldarion alone.

/She was still so beautiful to my eyes, even grown old with
age, but then again, she always was. She died much too young. She should have
sailed with Elrond to Aman, but her love for Estel was too strong./ In the
early days of Arwen and Estel’s love he had cursed the Dunedin for winning her
heart, but even he’d had to admit defeat when they wed in Minas Tirith. And yes,
her life had been happy after she had made her choice. But her death had been
heart-wrenchingly bitter.

And now he was attending to the twins – in their death.
Tears continued to leak from his eyes as he took care of Elladan, bathing him
and dressing him in his favorite robes. He placed them on the bed and arranged
their arms so they were holding each other. Oh, their lives had been tragic
ones! More tragic than even Elrond knew! Hugging his waist, he shook with sobs,
allowing his anguish a way out.

“Erestor?” Glorfindel had silently entered the room, not
wanting to disturb Erestor, but seeing the dark-haired Elf’s pain made him
reach out and he folded his arms around the other Elf’s waist. A lump of fierce
emotions formed in his throat, looking at the twins now. “They merely seem
asleep, holding each other as they did in their living days.”

Erestor stared hard at the twins, blaming himself for their
deaths. “I should have done something! I should have talked to them! Should
have been able to change their minds!”

Glorfindel immediately soothed him. “This was their choice,
never yours.”

Erestor shook his head, firmly. “You do not understand! How
could you! You do not know…”

“I do not know *what*?” Glorfindel tried to catch a glimpse
of Erestor’s face, but the other Elf hid behind a curtain of raven hair.

“Did you finish building their pyre?” asked Erestor in a
choked voice. He didn’t want to see them burn! But this was their way!

“I did… and the sun is setting. We should move them now.”
Glorfindel no longer tried to hold back his tears, letting them flow freely.
“Which twin do you want to carry?” Erestor finally looked at him with an
unspeakable pain in the brown eyes. “Erestor?”

“I will carry Elladan, as he was the first born of the two.”
Erestor gently disentangled the twins’ arms and pulled Elladan close to his
chest. The twin was surprisingly light in his arms. Calling upon his inner
strength, he left the room and descended the stairs, softly mumbling words of
comfort to the dead twin.

Glorfindel gently lifted Elrohir in his arms, remembering a
time when he had carried the twin to his cradle, delighted at finding the
baby’s tiny hands reach for one of his fingers. That had happened a life time
ago. Why? Why had they chosen mortality?

It took every ounce of his self-discipline to follow Erestor
down the stairs and onto the courtyard. Arien was about to set and Ithil was
already climbing the darkening sky. The pyre in the middle of the courtyard
already awaited the dead.

Erestor climbed the pyre first and placed Elladan on the
branches. “Farewell, my sweet one. May Eru Ilúvatar watch over you. You made me
proud in life, but you broke my heart in death. May your death bring you
redemption and understanding. I loved you so much.”

Hearing those words surprised Glorfindel, but he didn’t
remark on them, placing Elrohir next to Elladan. He then stepped back,
instinctively knowing Erestor needed this personal space to say his final
goodbyes. His heart thundered with pain, seeing Erestor move the twins closer
to each other until they rested in each other’s arms.

“Goodbye, my lovely Elrohir. I loved you and your siblings
with my entire being, and having to say goodbye to you is killing me. I already
feel dead inside. It won’t be long before I will join you.”

Erestor’s words startled Glorfindel and alarmed him. Did
Erestor plan on taking his own life? He had to act now! Stepping up closer to
Erestor, he folded an arm around the dark-haired Elf. “Come with me.” He began
guiding Erestor down the pyre, but the other Elf struggled and managed to break
free. Afraid for Erestor’s sanity, he followed his friend, but stopped dead in
his tracks, seeing Erestor kneel and kiss the twins’ brows.

“Goodbye, my sons…”

Glorfindel’s confusion mounted, but this was not the time to
explore this matter and he gently, but firmly, pulled Erestor back to his feet
and he guided his friend away from the pyre. Erestor remained silent, and
Glorfindel reacted to that by tightening his hold on his friend.

Standing at the foot of the pyre, Glorfindel reached for the
burning torch, somehow sensing that it should be Erestor lighting the funeral
pyre. Soft, swimming, brown eyes met his when Erestor accepted the torch.

“I do not want to see them burn,” whispered Erestor,
waveringly, “They are beautiful, even in death.”

“Set them free, Erestor. Let them go.” Wrapping his fingers
around the ones holding the torch, he guided the fire closer toward the pyre
until the first branches caught fire. Erestor unexpectedly collapsed against him
and the torch slipped from the shaky fingers. Glorfindel quickly placed the
torch aside where it couldn’t do any harm and went down on his knees beside
Erestor, who was shaking himself to pieces. Folding strong arms around the hurting
Elf, he lent his friend all the strength Erestor needed.

Erestor lifted swimming eyes and watched the twins burn.
Watched the flames devour their bodies until only ashes remained. “I cannot
believe they are gone.”

“Neither can I,” admitted Glorfindel in a raw voice.

Erestor’s grief overwhelmed him and he screamed his pain
into the dark night. The last thing he remembered before losing consciousness
was Glorfindel’s arms catching him, and that golden voice trying to calm him.
Then, only darkness remained.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tiny, chubby feet
trampled on his stomach, whilst eager, little fingers reached for a lock of his
hair. Erestor smiled, brilliantly, and caught Elladan when the baby lost his
balance and tumbled toward him. “He ought to become a scholar,” he said
teasingly, “he lacks proper balance!”

“He is only a baby,”
replied Glorfindel, good-naturedly. He made funny faces at Elrohir, who was
chasing the end of his belt with his short fingers. The fabric eluded him and
Elrohir’s eyes widened, alarming the blond. “Erestor, quickly! Help!”

Erestor immediately
spotted the danger, grabbed Elrohir’s favorite stuffed animal, which happened
to be a turtle, and quickly pushed it into the baby’s arms. Elrohir never got a
chance to squeal his displeasure at failing to capture the end of the belt and
wrapped his arms around the sea turtle instead.

“Thank you,” said
Glorfindel, sighing in relief. Elrohir was only four years old, but already
well- known for his temper tantrums. He prayed to the Valar that these tantrums
would disappear in time. “How did we get stuck watching them in the first
place? Remind me?”

“It is Elrond’s
begetting day,” replied Erestor, amused to see Elladan trying to get to his
feet again and he steadied the baby, who was learning to take his first steps
these days. “And Celebrían wanted to spend some time with her husband.”

Glorfindel nodded and
concentrated on his charge again. “I had almost given up hope that she would conceive,
you know.” Elrond and Celebrían had been trying for decades, and yet her womb
had remained empty. In the end, Glorfindel had been afraid that his dear
friends would remain childless, but then Celebrían had come running to them one
day, announcing her pregnancy. She had been radiant with happiness and
fulfillment. Elrond had pronounced she had made him the happiest Elf alive and
had declared his love once more.

Erestor managed to
hide his own fierce emotions and pretended not to have heard. “The twins are
adorable. How can you mind watching them?”

“Hum…This one is
drooling on my tunic.” Glorfindel pointed a warning finger at Elrohir. “Stop
drooling on me. Drool on your turtle instead.” But Elrohir had different ideas
and began to climb Glorfindel’s leg, heading toward the blond’s knee. Once he
had attained his goal, he chirped and swung his sea turtle at Glorfindel.

“Now that one *does*
have the makings of a warrior,” chuckled Erestor, delighted when Glorfindel had
to duck in order not to be hit. “Truly excellent aim!”

Glorfindel grumbled
his displeasure. “Let us hope Elrond and Celebrían are not planning to have
more children. These two are already a handful!” Erestor’s gaze darkened
briefly, which puzzled Glorfindel, but he contributed Erestor’s reaction to the
many sleepless nights they had suffered as the twins tended to be active at
night as well. On those nights, Elrond and Celebrían would call on them to
help. Erestor more often than Glorfindel.

“I hope so as well,”
whispered Erestor, barely audible. His heart felt heavy, but the burden lifted
momentarily as Elladan stumbled over his own two feet. The baby reached for him
and managed to wrap his short arms around his neck in an awkward hug. “I love
you too,” whispered Erestor, noticing his words drew a chuckle from Glorfindel.

“Definitely a future
scholar!” remarked Glorfindel, teasingly, just before noticing Elrohir was
still drooling on his tunic. “Oh no!”

“Erestor? Erestor? I am sorry to wake you, but…”

Glorfindel’s voice, raw with sorrow, pulled Erestor from his
happy dream and his eyes blinked with loss, realizing he would never hold any
of the children in his arms again.

“I took you back to my rooms after you fainted,” explained
Glorfindel, carefully monitoring Erestor’s reactions, which seemed sluggish and
slow at best.

Erestor pushed himself up onto his elbows and then rested
his back against the pillows, which Glorfindel had placed against the
headboard. Aye, he was in the blond’s rooms again, safely tucked beneath a warm
blanket. Glorfindel sat on the side of the bed with a worrisome expression in
his eyes. “What happened?”

/How very true,/ thought Erestor, /if only you knew…/ But
Glorfindel didn’t.

“Is there anything I can do to ease your pain?” Glorfindel recalled
Erestor calling the twins ‘my sons’ and he was curious to find out why the
other Elf had done that, but doubted this was the right moment to question his
friend.

“Nay, but thank you for your kind offer.” Erestor forced his
eyes open and looked at Glorfindel. “Would you leave me alone now? I would like
to mourn them privately.”

Glorfindel softly bit his bottom lip in frustration. “Are
you certain you want to be alone?”

“Aye, I am… Please, Glorfindel.” Erestor was about to cave
in and he didn’t want Glorfindel to witness his emotional breakdown. The
warrior had his own pain to deal with and didn’t need more misery adding to his
burden.

“I will take my leave then,” announced Glorfindel, “But… I
want you to know that you can come to me if you need company.” He was about to
rise from the bed, when he stalled for a moment, pulling something into
Erestor’s view.

Erestor’s heart almost burst, seeing the sea turtle, which
had been Elrohir’s favorite toy during his childhood. Glorfindel’s big hands
tenderly rubbed the fabric and Erestor reached for it, frantically taking hold
of those hands and pulling them toward him.

Glorfindel reacted instinctively; he inched closer to
Erestor, pressed the stuffed animal into his friends’ hands and then wrapped
his arms around the raven-haired Elf. Erestor no longer requested he should
leave and he was content holding and rocking the crying Elf. /I do not
understand why you are hurting in this way, but I will find out./

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel was forced to leave briefly to make certain that
the fire had died. The pyre was now nothing but ashes, a sad reminder of what
had happened here only a few hours ago. Erestor and he were truly alone now.

/I already miss them./ Elrohir and Elladan had become a part
of them during these last few decades. The four of them had seldom been apart.
The twins had become more immobile over the years, old age making their bones
brittle and they had taken to snuggling up to each other in the Hall of Fire in
front of the luxurious fireplace that spoke of happier times. Their once raven
hair had turned gray with locks of pure white and their once perfect faces had
born wrinkles, deep lines etched onto their brows. At times, Glorfindel had
been thankful that Elrond had left for Aman, not having to bear this burden as
well. Watching the twins grow old had been hard on him – and on Erestor as
well.

But once the twins had made their choices there had been no
way back and when Elrond had asked him to stay with Elladan and Elrohir until
after their deaths, he had said yes, honored that his friend would pick him to
watch over his children.

Glorfindel’s shoulders slumped, recalling the defeated
expression on Elrond’s face the day the Elf-Lord had said his goodbyes to his
sons. He had already said goodbye to Arwen in Minas Tirith, but what had really
broken the Elf-Lord had been leaving his sons – his heirs --behind as well. Elrond had been emotionally
devastated upon his departure to the Havens.

And now only Erestor and he remained. What would become of
them? /We should obtain a boat and sail for Aman./ They would always be welcome
there and maybe their hurts would heal in the Undying Lands. Aye, he would
suggest sailing for Aman to Erestor the next time they spoke.

Erestor… The twins’ deaths had affected the raven-haired Elf
much harder than he had expected. But then again, they had known Elrond’s
children from the moment they had been born. No, even before that, as Celebrían
had allowed them to feel them kick. Now that Arwen, Elladan and Elrohir were
gone, Glorfindel felt ancient – felt like he had lived too long and had seen
too much. Maybe there was some sort of comfort in death, but he didn’t want
that kind of comfort.

/Oh, Erestor, please accept that I am here for you…/

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Erestor had moved to one of the chairs in front of the
window and had taken to staring outside. The first flakes of snow descended
onto the valley, announcing an early winter. When Elrond had still resided here
winter had always been brief, but since Vilya no longer protected Imladris the
winters had become much colder, longer and harder. /But this will be the last
winter I will witness./

Although he didn’t feel the cold – yet – he had snuggled up
beneath a warm blanket made of furs, which he had found at the foot end of
Glorfindel’s bed. For a moment he had contemplated returning to his own rooms,
but had then dismissed that idea. He could be miserable here as well.

He was grateful that Glorfindel had left, giving him a
moment of privacy. Beneath the blanket, he hugged Elrohir’s sea turtle close,
wishing he knew of a way to travel back in time and to hold the Elfling once
more. His head rested against the comfort of the chair and he stared at the
white layer of snow now slowly covering Imladris. He had been happy here –
relatively happy.

“You do not look well,” said Glorfindel upon entering his
chambers. He advanced on his friend and pulled a chair close so he could sit
beside Erestor. “Why do you not share your burden with me?”

“You have no idea what you are asking for,” replied Erestor
in a saddened voice.

“Then enlighten me.” Glorfindel moved closer still until he
could look into Erestor’s eyes, which were hooded with sadness. “It is just the
two of us here. There is no one else you can turn to for comfort and I want to
be there for you.”

Glorfindel blushed, weakly. “Then honor our friendship,
Erestor. Do not lock me out. I am hurting too. They were as sons to me.”
Glorfindel noticed the way Erestor’s eyes darkened and how pale his friend
became at hearing those words. “I mean it. I loved them. All three of them!”

“I know you did,” whispered Erestor, remembering much
happier times.

“Step out of Arwen’s
dress this instant!” Glorfindel was at wit’s end. “Why would you want to wear
your sister’s dress in the first place?” Shaking his head, he stared at
Elladan, who had somehow succeeded in slipping into Arwen’s dress, which was
way too small for him. To make things even worse, Elladan had also managed to
fall headfirst into the Bruinen and was now dragging the fabric behind him.

Elladan pleadingly
looked at his tutor. “Elrohir dared me!”

“You should know
better than to let your brother trick you into doing these things!” A few days
ago Elrohir had dared Elladan to put knots into their father’s hair whilst
Elrond had been asleep. Upon wakening, the Elf-Lord had found his hair tied to
the bed post. Elrond had not been amused, but Celebrían had calmed him.

“But…” Elladan
shuffled his feet nervously and then sneezed – hard.

Glorfindel threw his
arms toward the heavens. “By the Valar, do not tell me you caught a cold!” He
recalled that one time when Elrond had had one. The half-Elf’s temper had
flared and everyone had avoided dealing with the Elf-Lord until the fever had
gone down. “Really, you should know better than…” Glorfindel didn’t get the
chance to finish his sentence as a worried-looking Erestor dashed into the
corridor.

“Did he sneeze? Does
he have a cold? Glorfindel! Why is he still in those wet clothes?” Erestor
pointed a finger at the blond. “Do I have to remind you of how much we suffered
when Elrond contracted that cold? Do you want history to repeat itself?”

“Then you take care of
him!” Glorfindel pushed the wet, still dripping Elfling toward the Chief
Advisor.

“I will! And I want
you to keep Elrond and Elrohir at a safe distance. Make certain that they do
not come near Elladan!”

Glorfindel glared at
Erestor. “It was your turn to watch them!”

“I was watching
Elrohir! I had no idea Elladan was up to something. And why am I still talking
to you? I should be taking care of this one instead! Elladan, come with me.” He
took hold of the Elfling’s shaky hand, and as he looked at Elladan’s face,
misery was written all over it. “First we need to get you out of those clothes
and into a warm bed. You will stay with me for now.” After giving Glorfindel a
last, stinging glare, he scooped the Elfling up in his arms and carried Elladan
to his rooms.

Glorfindel burst out
laughing, but then sobered, wishing Erestor the best of luck tending to Elladan
whilst the little one was fighting his first cold. And then there was Elrohir, who
needed to learn that he couldn’t manipulate his twin like that.

“I know you loved all three of them. You loved them enough
to lecture them when it was necessary,” said Erestor, fondly.

“Well, Elrond was prejudiced where his offspring was
concerned,” admitted Glorfindel, grinning cheekily, “All three of them could
easily wrap their father around their little finger. Elrond adored them.”

“Do you remember that time when Elrohir dared Elladan to
wear one of Arwen’s dresses? You lectured Elrohir, whilst Elrond merely worried
about Elladan’s health.” Erestor smiled, dotingly.

“The children enriched our lives,” said Glorfindel,
eventually, his right hand snaking beneath the furs in search of a counterpart.
A weak smile surfaced on his face, encountering the sea turtle. “That always
was Elrohir’s favorite toy.”

Erestor nodded. “It was a good way of keeping him calm and
happy.” Elladan had never cared much for toys and had followed Glorfindel
around the moment the Elfling could walk unaided. He had also been the first to
ride a horse – with Glorfindel holding him tightly, of course. “And now they
are gone from Arda.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” said Glorfindel,
reckoning the moment had come to address their future. “We need to find a boat
that can take us to Aman now that our time here has come to an end.” To his
surprise, Erestor firmly shook his head. “What?”

“I am not leaving for the Undying Lands. I wish to stay
here.” Determinedly, Erestor met Glorfindel’s eyes. “My time has come, but you…
You should sail for Aman and join Elrond and Celebrían.” He could never sail
for Aman, but couldn’t divulge the real reason for that to the blond. “I will
stay here.”

Glorfindel’s eyes widened drastically. “But… But you will be
all alone here! Why would you choose that fate?”

Holding onto the stuffed animal in his arms, Erestor managed
a weak smile. “I have nothing left to live for now that they are gone.”

“But…” Glorfindel stammered, too shocked to form coherent
sentences.

“I will stay here and fade.” Erestor smiled, warmly, “I have
lived long enough, Glorfindel. It should end here.”

“Why?” Glorfindel’s mouth had gone awfully dry. “We have
been friends for millennia and I thought I knew you!”

“You do not know me at all, Glorfindel,” admitted Erestor,
saddened, “And it is best that way.”

“I cannot accept your answer, Erestor. You are obviously not
thinking logically and still affected by the twins’ deaths so I will take
charge and act in your benefit. When I find that ship, you *will* sail with me.
I refuse to leave you behind here to fade!”

“You never knew I was half-Elven, did you?” A sad smile
appeared on Erestor’s face. “Aye, I am half-Elven, and I postponed my choice
long enough. It is time I reached a decision.”

“Half-Elven? But…” This didn’t make any sense! Recalling the
time when Elladan had contracted that cold, he said, “But you… You never caught
that chill!”

“I did, but you never knew as I locked Elladan and myself up
in my room for a week. We recovered and then emerged again.” Erestor smiled,
lost in happy memories. “I had him to myself for one week, and it did not
matter to me that we were coughing our lungs out.”

“This makes no sense!” Glorfindel rose and pushed back his
chair. “Erestor…” A growl lay hidden beneath the begging tone in his voice.

But Erestor realized he had already revealed too much. He
had to be careful now. “Glorfindel, sail for Aman and tell Elrond and Celebrían
that the children died peacefully and leave me here.”

“Nay! I won’t do that! Never!” Glorfindel angrily marched
toward the doorway. He needed to put some distance between them as he was
seriously tempted to shake some sense into the other Elf. “You won’t stay
behind!”

Erestor’s eyes shone with compassion and understanding,
recalling his own reaction upon hearing the twins’ decision to become mortal.
He had raged as well, had denied hearing the words and had stormed out of the
room. “I am half-Elven, Glorfindel, and I choose to be mortal. I will never
sail for Aman. I will join them in death.”

Glorfindel was about to spin around and talk some sense into
the other Elf, but then he saw the pain and anguish in the brown eyes, and
seeing that made him change his mind. He would handle things diplomatically,
allowing Erestor to believe he had succeeded in convincing him. But when the
time was right, he would act. “We will discuss this later.”

“Glorfindel, this is not up for discussion. I made up my
mind and you will have to accept that.” The sapphire eyes suddenly burned with
an unholy fire, which made Erestor push back in his chair, squirming.

“Are you telling me that I will be called upon to set fire
to your remains as well? Isn’t it enough that I lost Arwen? The twins? And now
you are telling me that I have to go through that whole process of loss and
pain again and watch you die? Nay! Never! I have had enough!”

Glorfindel forgot about handling this in a diplomatic way and
exploded with emotion. He stalked back over to Erestor, placed his hands on
either side of the trembling Elf on the armrest, and yelled, “I am *not* going
to lose you too! I do not care if you are half-Elven, and why you chose to hide
that fact from me your entire life! You will not choose mortality and you will
sail with me! Do you understand? I cannot lose you too! Don’t you know I love
you?” Tears erupted from his burning eyes and he went down on his knees in
front of Erestor, who stared at him in obvious shock. “Please do not make me
watch you die.”

Erestor had expected a whole range of emotions and
reactions, but not quite these. Freeing one hand from the blanket, he placed it
on Glorfindel’s head and stroked the golden hair. A moment later, Glorfindel
inched closer and rested his head in Erestor’s lap, practically begging for the
caress to continue and Erestor obliged him. “I am sorry if I have hurt you, but
you must understand. I cannot stay here when they are all dead.”

“Then come to Aman with me! We do not have to stay here!”
Glorfindel slowly turned his face toward Erestor, looking up, trustingly. “Please.”

But Erestor shook his head. “I can never sail for Aman,
Glorfindel.”

“Why?” Glorfindel relished feeling Erestor’s fingers moving
through his hair. “Why can you not sail? What keeps you here then?”

“Nothing keeps me here,” whispered Erestor, wondering why he
was opening up to Glorfindel when he had already revealed too much. “But I can
never face Elrond and Celebrían again.”

Glorfindel raised his head and captured Erestor’s hand in
his, rubbing the knuckles. “Why is that? And why did you keep the fact that you
are half-Elven from me?”

Erestor sighed, deeply, realizing Glorfindel deserved to
know the truth. “Do you really want to know the answers to those questions?
Even if some of them will cause you to look at me in disgust?”

“Disgust?” Frowning, Glorfindel shook his head. “I will
never look upon you in disgust.”

Glorfindel’s earlier admission now returned to Erestor.
“Because you love me?”

“Aye, because I love you.” Glorfindel suckled his bottom
lip. It hadn’t been his intention for Erestor to find out, knowing the
dark-haired Elf didn’t love him back.

“I never knew you did,” said Erestor, musing. Surprised, he
found that their fingers had twined and that Glorfindel’s hold on him was
becoming stronger. “Go to the kitchens, fetch some wine and return here. I will
tell you everything you want to know and then you will let me go. You will
allow me to make my choice.”

“I cannot promise you that I will do that. I do not want to
live without you.”

Erestor, ruefully, said, “You will have changed your mind
once you know everything. Now go and fetch wine.” Seeing Glorfindel’s sudden
worried expression, he added, “I vow to still be here upon your return. I won’t
run.”

Glorfindel slowly got to his feet, still reluctant to
release Erestor’s hand. “I know you are an Elf of honor and that you will be
true to your word. I will return here within minutes.” Eager to learn more of
the one he loved, Glorfindel raced for the kitchens.

Now that the blond was gone, Erestor closed his eyes and
drew in a deep breath. What had possessed him to agree to this? He didn’t want
to see disgust aimed at him in Glorfindel’s azure eyes, but the blond deserved
to know why he had chosen mortality, no matter how much pain telling his tale
would bring him. He would join his children in death shortly at any rate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Glorfindel was pleasantly surprised upon his return to his rooms.
He had expected Erestor to be still huddled beneath the blanket, but the
dark-haired Elf had left his chair and had built a fire in the fire place. He
had also moved pillows and the blanket of fur and had made himself comfortable.
The eyes were still red-rimmed though and his body shook with emotion.

Glorfindel placed the carafe with wine on the floor, poured their
glasses and handed one to Erestor before sitting down next to the other Elf.
/Nah, half-Elf,/ he thought, correcting himself. It was strange to think
Erestor as half-Elven.

Erestor accepted the wine and sipped slowly. The liquid
warmed him from the inside and his trembling lessened significantly. “Thank
you, I needed that.”

Glorfindel sipped his own wine and continued to study
Erestor. “Who are you?” He had never pried on Erestor’s heritage before but now
he found himself wondering.

Erestor smiled, sorrowfully, at Glorfindel. “My father’s
name was Beren and my mother Lúthien. I daresay you know those names.”

“They are legendary!” Glorfindel sat up straight, searching
Erestor’s eyes. “But I never knew they had a second child! I only knew of
Dior!” Why had he never inquired after Erestor’s parents before? But then
again, the dark-haired half-Elf had never volunteered any information either.

“Dior was my elder brother,” admitted Erestor, staring into
the dancing flames as his mind traveled back in time. “I was born thirty-five
years after Dior’s birth, in the same year that my father died.” Erestor’s eyes
took on a distant expression. “I never knew my father, Glorfindel. I never knew
Beren.”

Glorfindel swallowed hard in order to rid himself of his
emotions. “I am sorry.”

But Erestor forced himself to continue and not to give into
his emotions. “My mother died a few days after giving birth to me. My
grand-mother, Melian, came for me and told me that my mother would have loved me,
had her mind not gone insane with grief for her dead husband. Melian took me to
live with Dior in Tol Galen. It was decided to keep my identity a secret to
everyone except my close relatives. Fëanor’s sons were already searching for
the Silmaril and they didn’t want to expose me to that threat. I grew up in
Lanthir Lamar and was relatively happy there. I missed my parents terribly, but
my brother, his wife and my grandmother loved me instead.”

Glorfindel didn’t want to interrupt, but had to know. “Did
you ever set eyes on the Silmaril?”

“Aye, I did. It was magnificent,” replied Erestor, smiling
saddened, “but I would have rather have set eyes on my parents just once.”

“So that is why you are half-Elven. I never knew – never
suspected…” Glorfindel poured them more wine – and the Valar knew they needed
it to pull them through this conversation. “What happened next?”

“We traveled to Doriath and the ThousandCaves, where Dior re-established
the Kingdom for a while. But then my grandmother decided to sail for Valinor
and Doriath lost its protection. The sons of Fëanor found out and attacked. In
the end, my brother died, but he took Celegorm, Curufin and Caranthir with
him.” Erestor’s eyes darkened with memories. “We also lost Elured and Elurin
that faithful day… They were only six years old when the sons of Fëanor
attacked… I never saw them again.” Erestor sat upright, placed the wine glass
aside, pulled his knees close to his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around
his legs. “I lost my family that day.”

Glorfindel reached out and stroked Erestor’s raven hair away
from the pale face so he could look into the swimming eyes. “I am so sorry… I
never knew…”

”I never told you… The only ones at this court who knew the truth were Elrond
and Celebrían.” Erestor closed his eyes and savored feeling Glorfindel’s
fingers move through his hair. It was a gentle and reassuring caress. “I need
to finish this whilst I still have the courage.”

“Then go on.” At the same time, Glorfindel scooted closer
until he was near enough to enfold Erestor in an embrace, and pulled the
willing half-Elf against him. “I was smuggled to the Isle of Balar where I
remained for quite some time. Almost two centuries passed by and I saw Gil-galad
gather his warriors there and prepare for the upcoming war. That is also where
I met Elrond and Elros. I knew of Elwing’s tragic fate and I also knew her sons
had survived, but I had never thought I would actually meet them. Elros
however, did not stay for long, but Elrond remained and friendship formed
between us. It seemed I had finally found my place in life and I fought
alongside Gil-galad and Elrond. I saw Sauron destroy the High-King and after
the war I followed Elrond to Imladris.”

“You are much older than I thought,” admitted Glorfindel,
surprised. Nuzzling Erestor’s hair, he said, “Why did you never mention any of
this to me before?”

“Why should I?” Erestor couldn’t help it and leaned heavily
against Glorfindel for support.

“And why would I loathe you? Nothing you told me gives me
reason to look upon you in disgust.”

“That is because you only know half of my tale.” Erestor
suddenly tried to free himself of Glorfindel’s embrace, but the blond warrior
wouldn’t let him. “That was the easy part to tell.”

“Trust me, nothing you tell me will make me loathe you.”
Glorfindel loosened his hold just enough to pour Erestor wine and to hand him
the glass. “Sip, it will give you strength and courage, which you obviously
need.”

“Is it that obvious?” Erestor began to tremble again and the
wine almost sloshed over the rim. He quickly emptied the glass, wondering why
he was even considering confiding in Glorfindel. “I should not tell you this. I
swore an oath that I never would.”

“And who demanded that oath?” Glorfindel placed the glass
back on the floor, before it could drop from Erestor’s unsteady fingers.