Point is: you're not much of a God, as you can only change 1 thing. In fact, you're more of a cut-price genie, if truth be told. Anyway, before I go off on one - you can do 1 thing to change the world. What would it be?

If you're a dummy and can't think of anything, don't panic! There now follows a list of things from which you can choose if you so wish.

1. END WORLD POVERTY - Sounds good in theory, but bad news for benefit concert organisers. On the plus side, Bono would hopefully shut the fuck up.

2. BOMB FRANCE - And if you're really inaccurate, you might get a bit of Belgium as well. Everyone's a winner.

3. SEARCH FOR NEW WORLDS - The exploration of deep space remains one of humankind's last great frontiers. The chance to visit another world, to experience new civilisations. We could send Bono.

4. PERSONAL GAIN - Seems a damned waste being a Deity if you can't push a slice of the action your way. Concubines, money, booze and the like. Slaves to slap and wenches to command. The opportunity to bellow with laughter at the misfortune of others while eating grapes remains a dream for us all.

5. END WORLD HUNGER - Famine and starvation continues to ravage much of the Third World. Does Liverpool really deserve any better though?

6. CURE ALL DISEASE - Typhoid, Aids, Tuberculosis, Athlete's Foot and the French could all become things of the past at your behest.

7. STOP CAPITALISM - Except for names and the start of sentences, obviously.

8. SHAME FATTIES - Tubby folk should be made to earn what they eat, by running around inside a reinforced wheel until they reach their target weight. What they aren't told is that their target weight is 12kg.

9. END WAR - No more conflicts. No more squabbles. No more fighting. Surely, you'll have to get rid of the Germans first.

10. STOP POLLUTION - Or you could just move the hole in the Ozone Layer to directly above France.

A little of each of those things. Get rid of the worst pollution (to be sure, shift that hole in the ozone layer from us to France), cure the incurable diseases (AIDS, cancer, the common cold), stop capitalism (except the companies I use), alleviate world hunger by making greedy rich buggers like David Beckham share the wealth, that sort of thing. Heal the world...