“Love you lots like jelly tots”

I’ve been left heartbroken. Never have I experienced the feelings of loss until now and it hurts. My dear friend recently left this world on the 9th of February 2017 and though she fought a hard battle, her body eventually succumbed. I am left empty so I have turned to my comfort of writing and it’s a letter to her…

Dear Sim,

Can you remember the first time we met? You were 5 and I was 4. I just started at Barham Primary School.

“That’s a funny accent” you said, I didn’t have a clue what you were on about, as I believed that you were the one with the accent.

“I’m Scottish, this is how I talk,” I replied and we both laughed and laughed. Like many friendships, laughter has been the basis of ours and I will never forget what a great friend you have been to me. I knew from the day I met you that I wanted to be close to you (and you were the headteacher’s daughter!) but I could sense great comfort and security around you. Even at such a young age, you were confident, funny and incredibly empathic. You also gave the best hugs.

I remember when your mum passed. I didn’t see you around school for a while. The whole school mourned her and it took great time for everyone to recover. I admired your strength, the way you came back and simply carried on. At the end of year 6, we felt that an epic journey had truly concluded. We cried because we were moving to bigger schools with different people. But I know you cried more because leaving the school was like leaving your mum, her memory and her hard work. I understood.

Sim always wore the best jumpers!

It was unfortunate that we failed the Haberdashers 11+ examinations. I’m sure we would’ve turned that place right around perhaps even torn it apart. I felt so much better when I found out that I wasn’t the only one who failed it. My parents knew you were quite the boffin and well.. if you failed, there must’ve been something wrong with the test! I truly missed you when we parted during our secondary school years.

Even though we met a few times during our time at KCL, it took an astounding twelve years when our friendship was truly rekindled. Let’s not get into the details of how (I’ll leave that between us and whoever knows), but boy did I love having you back in my life. We were all grown up and interested in nights out, food, make up and dancing – “bruv, what you wearing tonight?” I guarantee that would be the text I get from you before any night out. I could almost time them. I loved exchanging pictures of our wardrobe as we contemplated whether something was too inappropriate. I loved talking to you about what shade of make up we were going to wear and I looked so forward to seeing you, every time we arranged to meet.

You have been a part of everything in my life. I had so much fun with you during my hen in Barcelona. I even remember speaking to you on the phone the night before my wedding. I couldn’t keep still, I kept walking around the house so nervous about what awaited me the following morning. Your words are still with me, “stay calm, have something to eat and get some sleep” and so I did.

You have been there to congratulate me on my wedding day and on the birth of my children. You have been there to celebrate perhaps every birthday I can remember. You have been to every house party I’ve hosted and stayed until the very end. You have met and become friends with mine and I of yours. You have been there to message me every morning from a coffee shop before work. You have encouraged me to keep going in the write up of my studies. During my hard times you have offered spiritual words of guidance and encouragement. We have had so many deep and wonderful conversations about religion, life and spiritualism. I have always been grateful for your friendship. I just didn’t tell you enough… please forgive me. Thank you Sim for being a beautiful, reliable and supportive friend. Thank you for gracing my life with so much love, fun, wisdom and laughter. Thank you for all those meals that we’ve shared and bottles of red that we’ve finished. Thank you for being my dear beautiful friend Sim. What I would give for another one of your hugs. I miss you so much.