Wednesday, March 23, 2011

RYU! ...I mean Jon for winning the first Will Work for Food Competition

Total weight loss for Jon: 9 lbs

Total weight loss for Janene: 4 lbs

Let's ask the contenders how they feel with this final result!

Janene's comments: "A small victory for me is good. I'm glad we did it together."

Jon's comments: "I didn't realize how fun this would be, I got into some good habits, and learned a lot about how to lose weight , I'd like to thank my competitor for giving me a run for (and spending) my money. Hopefully now we can work together to lose even more weight" I would also like to thank all my friends and family for their support.

Thank you both again for including the JAE in your pre-marital squabble , we are honored to have had you, and wish you the best out on your steak dinner!

Our fighters are going toe to toe and they are death defying their doughy physiques by dodging the doughnuts and danishes! Now that we have a break in the action our JAE reporters have taken this opportunity to interview our fighters and get an update on how they are doing this week!

Janene: After one good week of portion control, consuming more vegetables, and working up a sweat on the stationary bike, I have lost two pounds. Although it is not as much as my opponent, it is huge victory for me. I have not been able to lose weight in about a year and this challenge has given me the push I needed to really get back into it. Keep in mind that the difference in weight lost this past week means nothing. My opponent in reality weighs more than I do, so I could end up with a greater percentage lost than he. Hopefully my allergies/cold (courtesy of Jonny) will not set me back. Only time will tell. Meanwhile I have discovered the weakness of my opponent and will use this to my advantage: homemade waffles and pound cake.

Jon: One week down one to go. I see the light and it seems to be running away from me, hahaha. I’ve lost a total of 4 pounds !! I am really stepping it up this last week. My use of biological warfare has seemed to slow down my opponent but how long will it last? I ,like my opponent, has discovered a weakness in her plan. She refuses to eat beans and this will be to my advantage. I have replaced dinner with beans to substitute my protein and fiber. This last stretch is going to be a gas....

There you have it folks the battle is fierce and the contestants are still thirsty for blood! Make sure you tune in next week for the conclusion to this all our war next on the JAE!

We can all stop berating him for the unkempt beard and his shriveled little [Kris] Kringle. However, his lack of existence is no excuse for why I never got the one toy I always wanted: a Batmobile Power Wheel.

While Santa could be blamed for a lot of things I want and can’t have, I can’t really complain. But I’m going to anyway. Constantly surrounded by media and other whiny Americans, we are accustomed to wanting things we cannot have. Sometimes it’s because someone else already has them. Sometimes it’s because we’re blind to want vs. need.

Still other times the desire is there and capability is not .Maybe it’s the woman who taunts you with another man. Maybe it’s the car you can’t afford. Or a wish to change the past. Maybe you want your money back for the bad boob job—hey, I’m not judging that deflated, cockeyed art project you wear under your shirt. Humans are for some reason conditioned to keep up with the Jones’ or to want the next best thing. Below are some recent observations of wants; some will likely never be achieved, some might take some persistence:

- A girl in the “9” to “10” range (…from a guy that’s probably not more than a “5” or “6”)

- World peace (Really?! Let’s shoot for tolerance first)

- A continued military careers when you’re fat, can’t run and can’t perform basic duties and your uniform is mistaken for a body paint costume in all its sausage-squeezing glory

- Sex (see sausage people above)

- A tan (Yeah, piss off, I’ve been in paradise for 2.5 years and still can’t get dark!)

- Million bucks

- The “American Dream”

What’s the key? Has not getting what you want actually affected your desire for that thing? I dare say my desires rarely change when I don’t get my way. Nothing can get in the way of my American Dream. And I still want a goddamn Power Wheel. My kids will have a Power Wheel for each day of the week.