Of all the things a parent can teach a child, manners rates very close to the top of the “must teach” list. Number one, when a child is taught, from the time he or she can talk, to say “thank you,” you are teaching that child thankfulness. The insertion of the word “please” in a request changes the child from a demanding person to one who accepts the fact that when they ask a favor or make a request, the parent has no automatic obligation to respond favorably to that request. Response to “please” is much better than the “get this for me” demand type of approach.

Psychiatrist Smiley Blanton says that roughly 80% of all of the counseling he does is the direct result of parents not having taught their children manners. He emphasizes that he is talking about more than table manners; he’s talking about the whole spectrum of deportment and civility. That’s significant because the record indicates that most top executives in any field of endeavor are courteous, thoughtful people. Example: One hundred seventy-five of the CEOs of the Fortune 500 companies are former Marines and 26 of our presidents served in the military. The military teaches respect and manners. I challenge you, when you encounter a former career military person who moved up in the ranks, you will be impressed with their old-fashioned courtesies, including, “Yes, Sir,” “Yes, Ma’am,” “Thank you,” “Please,” and other expressions of good civility and deportment. They are taught to serve before they earn the right to command.

Just in case you’re thinking, “But that’s old-fashioned and people don’t do those things any more,” of course, you’re right in both cases—which is the reason why the people who do take that approach stand out like beacons in the dark as they move to the top.

The fact is that many women do leave, and they risk their lives in doing so. A woman may leave an average of seven times—leaving and going back home—before she leaves for good. There are many reasons why a woman stays in an abusive relationship or returns home after leaving, but the primary motivation is fear.
Fear

The victim has every reason to be afraid. Many abusers threaten to take the children if she leaves—either by accusing her of being an incompetent parent and gaining custody or by kidnapping them. In extreme cases, he may kill them as the ultimate revenge against his wife.

She also fears for her own safety. She may get killed herself! A woman is at 75 percent greater risk of harm from her abuser when she leaves.1 One abuser threatened to kill his wife, saying, “If I can’t have you, nobody else will either.” In another incident the abuser disfigured his wife’s face with acid, proclaiming, “Now no one will ever want to look at you again.”
Guilt

Religious beliefs and guilt keep many women from leaving abusive situations. They fear the condescending and judgmental reactions of friends and family who believe she is responsible for breaking up the family by leaving. She may also fear offending God and her church family. Most women who have children try to protect them from the trauma of divorce by staying in an abusive marriage. They do not realize their children will suffer more long-lasting trauma by being in an abusive home than in a single-parent home. Women may not realize that leaving does not necessarily lead to divorce. In some cases, separation is the wake-up call that causes her husband to seek help.
Confusion

Confusion and “crazy making” keep many women off balance and unable to make rational decisions. One day he worships her and places her on a pedestal. The next day she doesn’t meet his expectations and falls from grace. The fall is a long one, and she can’t understand why he has changed from a loving, generous husband into a maniacal bully who delights in punishing her.
False Hope

False hope distorts a woman’s view of reality. Many women stay in an abusive home because they love their husbands and long to see their marriage succeed. They simply want the disrespect and violence to stop. She believes if she tries a little harder or waits a little longer, things will change. She believes him when he says the abuse will never happen again. Because he has been wounded in the past, she thinks he needs extra love and care, and she thinks that helping him become whole is her responsibility. Because she loves him, she denies the reality that he is capable of seriously hurting or killing her. False hope convinces her that she needs to protect her husband—even from himself.
Financial Instability

Financial dependence and fear of the unknown paralyze many women as they ponder how they will be able to support themselves and, in many cases, their children. Most women face financial, social, and emotional hardships when they leave, and they often find that assistance is limited or not available to them. Weak criminal justice systems offer no hope, and have failed victims again and again, causing women to be terrified of possibly losing custody of their children and become destitute financially. When a woman’s life is bound up in her family, she worries about continuing important relationships with stepchildren, grandchildren, in-laws, and friends. She believes her identity will be lost if she leaves.
Lack of Information

Ignorance of the facts and of the consequences of domestic violence causes women to view themselves as the problem rather than understanding the cause of violence is within the heart and mind of the abuser. They believe his violence is caused by temporary problems based on outside circumstances, such as stress at work. Having this mind-set, they believe that once the stress is relieved, the beatings will stop. In addition, some women are unaware that spousal abuse is spiritually and morally wrong.

(If you have been abused or in an abusive relationship, you dont have to suffer in silence feel free to contact us, there is help out there.)