A technically inclined onanist has apparently developed a piece of software designed to exploit the notoriously advanced capabilities of the USB Onacon, capable of not only measuring speed, insertion time and other vital onanistic statistics, but even of uploading the results to Twitter so fellow onanists can compare their performance…

The exchange:

“My onahole arrived so I made some software to count time, insertions, average speed and other data.”

“Amazing.”

“Strange. You must be a pro.”

“Onacounter…”

“You are an idiot.”

“What is the use of this?”

“It’s like this when you use it. Below is a graph of insertions and speed.”

“I want it.”

“The perfect app for the health-conscious man! Available now!”

“Give it to the manufacturers…”

“I think this is amazing… amazingly retarded.”

“Release it!”

“This is a boon to society – use it to measure early ejaculation and you could measure the effectiveness of new drugs.”

“If you really uploaded your data to Google it might be rather dicey…”

“Use it already.”

“I already used it. It took some time. In keeping with the spirit of the age, I made it compatible with Twitter and Mixi.”

“Oi!”

“Stop that!”

“Why is it showing a speed of 4 even when you have finished?”

“That’s recorded when you press the ‘ejaculate’ button on the USB Onacon.”

Chobits ahh...heaven but with 7B people on counting you'd think we'd be worried by now

I'd be like "Silence commoners, not to procreate is a sin?! I say nay in these times we are simply patriots taking the first step in preventing humanity from imploding into itself!" but nevermind this right now all I see is an ground-breaking in technology

this brings another level to "multiplayer" onani.
maybe even a coop game where everyone gets together to whack off and defeats a boss by not cumming as fast. problem with that is it's more like a circle jerk where the first guy that cums is gay.

They need to make one that's smartphone-enabled next. You could insert your phone in a special sleeve, and it would make use of the phone's accelerometers, vibration and touchscreen to provide optimum tracking and haptic feedback. Plus it could use the cameras to take photos and upload them to Flickr, so all your friends can stay updated in realtime. When not in use, it could double as a silicone case for the phone.