I read it as if the domestic violence itself was not keeping the note writer awake, but rather a response to it by the victim. Like, “Yeah, I get it, it sucks that you got beaten up, but did you have to go disturbing the rest of us at 2 A.M. by [causing a scene, calling the police, doing whatever else he or she might have done]?”

I could just be giving the writer too much credit for properly constructing a sentence.

My head hurts from trying to find a logical way for this PAN to *not* be horribly insensitive to a neighboring victim of DV.

The only possible explanation I could think was maybe the letter was directed at a group of people who were loudly planning an anti-domestic violence rally or something late into the night. That would explain the “DV isn’t cool, BUT” phrasing…BUT it’s a real stretch.

Perhaps the couple has been loudly copulating at two in the morning, and the note writer would prefer that they just beat each other in the evening, and then sleep through the night. As in, “domestic violence isn’t cool, but [it's better than what you have been doing, which is] keeping us all awake at 2:00 am!” .

Studies have shown that having the subject use each word properly
in 5 different sentences aids in long-term vocabulary retention.
There is also a large body of anecdotal evidence to suggest that ball gags, Alpo dishes, and double-blindfolds work synergistically.
Conflicting conjectures exist as to the nature of the effect these pedagogical devices have on the subject’s affect.

What? Women can’t be massive assholes? You’ve obviously never met my ex-girlfriend. She used to smack me around all the time. But at least she was considerate to the neighbors and only beat me during the day. Never at 2am.

Smacked around? HA!!
You haven’t lived until your wife puts a butcher’s knife to your throat and threatens to flush your head down the toilet.
Oddly enough, I was about to point out that it wouldn’t fit, but thought I’d better not piss her off any more than she was at the moment.

Oh my gosh, this actually happened to me. My ex-husband was busily beating the crap out of me, and I was yelling my head off, praying that someone would call the cops. My landlady knocked on the door and told him, “You’re going to have to keep her quiet.” I am still stunned by the heartlessness of that statement!

yarp. I am a bossy bitch buy nature and when I hear that kinda shit, I get my phone in hand and I bang on the door and not once has the guy ever stayed to continue whatever bullshit he was perpetrating. I’m kinda proud of my track record.

I had a crazy neighbor who showed up at my door with a case of beer and an offer to “party”. I politely declined the offer and closed the door. A few days later, while eating lunch with a girlfriend, this crazy neighbor spotted me in our local bistro and decided to confront me. He burst through the door, screaming obscenities, kicked our table over and began hitting me and spitting on me. Now, I’m no slouch in the self defence department, so I was able to fend him off. As I was in the midst of trying not to get my ass kicked by this all but perfect stranger, not one man in the restaurant said a word or offered any assistance what-so-ever. Finally the manager approached and while looking at ME, told ME that I needed to leave because I was disturbing people and being much too loud. Well, long story short, I refused to leave and demanded that he call the police, crazy neighbor left, police came, took report and took me home. Two days later, the police were at my door, checking on me because crazy neighbor had just killed his father and they were afraid he was coming after me next. They arrested crazy neighbor that night. On my doorstep. I guess I should have just had a beer with him.

I got strangled by a guy friend in my early teens. He got me around the neck and then tried to push me down a cement staircase. Our friends stood around looking stupid the whole time; no one ever tried to pull him off me.

Laura,
The restaurant has long since closed and I honestly don’t remember the name although I still remember the pasty-faced weasel of a manager and the faces of many of the men who sat and watched this happen. When the police were there and interviewing witnesses I overheard one man say that it looked like I was holding my own and that’s why he didn’t help. Oh, and the manager ran over to present me with the bill as I was leaving with a police officer. The cop, my hero, just stopped and stared pasty-face down until he turned crimson and backed away stammering. Jerky jerk pasty-faced bastard.

Yeah, RC. I might have completely lost it. As it was, I just had the police officer take me home and gave him a thorough thrashing as a form of stress relief. A hard cop is good to find.

I can’t even formulate cohesive thoughts concerning the link you posted, TOS. Women and children are clearly still fair game. Ladies, lift weights and learn to throw a punch like a man. And learn how to take a punch too. The martial arts are great for that. You must condition your body to be able to take a hard hit without you becoming incapacitated.

Mamason- Soooooo glad you didn’t have a beer with him; it could easily have become something I’d see later on Forensic Files. I know people think of me as “that nosy neighbor” but if there are disturbing sounds in our hallway, me or my husband check it out. So far, it’s just been drunk people coming home but I like to imagine that if I ever was screaming, someone might respond…if I make it “fire” instead of “help”. I have no idea how people can go about their business when someone clearly needs help.

Not to be a pedant (OK, to be a pedant…) and not to diminish the awfulness of your experience (seriously), but if you were “strangled buy a guy friend” you wouldn’t be leaving that comment — you’d be dead.

From WordNet (r) 2.0 [wn]:
strangle v – 1: kill by squeezing the throat of so as to cut off the air;
[syn: {strangulate}, {throttle}]

Guys, I’m so sorry my nightly beating interrupted your usual encounter with ‘sweet’ dreams. I bet the ending was great. I have stitches. 18 of them. But I’m feeling GREAT now. Thanks so much for noticing my every day rigamarole. I’ve tried EVERYTHING to get people to notice me… the strange color of my hair, the pedicure I got, the new puppy I keep tucked away in my purse… It’s so awesome to know that I’m not under the radar, as T-Loc seems to think I am. Wait till I show him THIS!

Even though you don’t give a rats @$$ about the person you married, my twisted logic tells me you’ll have more consideration for the random person living next door. So please restrict beating your spouse to the hours of 9 am – 8 pm from now on. If I miss another night’s beauty sleep I might actually call the police.

Nice if it were just some role playing scenario gone off the rails by rookies.
Signals and safewords gone awry between consenting adults.
Nicer yet if the note were just plain fiction.
Sad to imagine the mental process of deciding not to call.
Sadder to imagine the same process if a child were involved.

Whatever happened to the spirit behind The Gift of the Magi ?
One sells their hair to buy a beautiful, multi-issue leather magazine case.
One cancels their Stockade Monthly to buy a custom bondage helmet.

Wow. I mean.. wow. Rarely am I ever stunned by what a person puts on this site, but I am bowled over by this!

Dude, if you’re kidding about a loud fight being “domestic violence”… it isn’t “cool”. There’s a huge difference between screaming out your partner/roommate/drunk-buddy and hearing someone’s face getting slammed in the daily “learnin’”. If you’re -not- kidding, and this was a real beating session next door, you’re more offended you lost some sleep?! And lastly, the most stunning of all, you DIDN’T call the cops?!? You left a whining note in the hall?!? That’s gonna go over well with Mr. Sensitivity next door, you know, and will somehow become the abusee’s fault. Way to go! You probably caused another beating!

I’m stunned to be amazed that there’s actually something worse than a wife-beater in the world…it’s the by-stander-do-nothing-PAN-writer.

There was a public debate about this here in Singapore a while ago. Going off the letters to the Straits Times, when people witness public physical abuse, 10% “didn’t do anything but I’m ashamed of myself for my cowardice”, 89% “I keep my nose out of other people’s business, what if the guy beats ME up for interfering”, 1% actually confronted an abuser.

I agree that a screaming match is nothing to a knock-down drag-out spouse-beating, but anyone who does either during universal quiet hours should expect someone to call the cops. Neighbors can’t tell whether you’re bleeding to death or not.

Nack, there is an entire psychological process you have to go through in order to act to help someone in danger. You have to notice something is wrong, you have to decide that what’s going on is both real and serious enough to warrant intervention, you have to decide that something can be done and that you are the person who has to do it and that the action won’t adversely affect you. Then you have to actually act. There’s a lot of places there where an average, ethical person can come to the conclusion that no action need to be taken, and it’s not just “courage” you need to do it. The more bystanders there are, the more likely no one will help because (a) no one else is helping so therefore you must be overreacting and (b) you can easily come to the conclusion that someone else will help.

yeah I have read the study that showed that if somebody needs help and there are lots of capable people present then actually he won’t receive any help at all. Human nature is a complex matter, you can’t solve it with simple arithmetic or even with advanced algebra.

Yep…it’s actually known as the bystander effect, best illustrated by the case of Kitty Genovese who was repeatedly stabbed and raped over the course of a half hour and then died on the street outside of her apartment building full of neighbors.

Maybe this notes is from a woman who was being abused at like 1:30 A.M., and having heard a fight, people came by the door and knocked at like 2:00 A.M. but the abuser and the abused had both gone to bed by then and were annoyed that they were woken up at like 2:00 A.M. So they put a note on the door that says, “Yeah, yeah, we know domestic abuse isn’t cool, but don’t try to save me in the middle of the night, we’re probably done and sleeping by then.”

Wow, I actually feel for this note writer. I had some neighbors who were beating each other up one night, keeping myself and my roommate up until all hours. But a more effective response probably would have been to call the police, like we did. And then you get a snotty note from the violent neighbors saying you should have just knocked on their door and asked them to be quiet in the middle of the rumble instead of calling the cops….Riiiight…like I wanted to get pummeled too.

Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. I never believed the whole “try to resolve disputes with your neighbors before calling the cops” thing. Not after dark, and not when blood-curdling screams are involved.

Had a young couple living downstairs from me last year..BIG pot smokers and drinkers. One night amid lots of screaming, I hear the guy yelling “I’m gonna KILL you!!” I did not hesitate one second. Called the cops immediately. They knew it was me and never spoke to me again. Too f**ing bad, then stop acting like idiots! I am supposed to know you were just high and “joking around”? I’d rather be mistaken than have a dead neighbor. The girl gave me dirty looks, too. Um..you’re welcome, you dumb b*tch!

Um… OK, actually, if all you had to go on were the words “I’m gonna kill you!”, you should know that plenty of people use that phrase when, say, they find out their spouse mailed back the NetFlix DVD they hadn’t watched yet… or their brother taped over their Baywatch episodes… or their “date” for the night pooted in the bed after a long session of, er, “rear entrance” frivolity. If that’s all you had to go on, then hesitating perhaps one second would have worked out for ya.

Ultimately, the inclusion of unnecessary judgemental statements about your neighbors’ recreational pursuits gives you away: You didn’t like them, decided they were trouble from the start, and were practically looking for something that could justify you calling the cops on them.

FERD, my dear. FIRST of all, that wasn’t all I had to go on – there was also the screaming, crying, furniture being thrown around, and some serious thumps followed by more crying. The bellowing in a rage-filled voice came after all that and was the last straw. SECONDLY, their drug use and drinking directly contributed to their loudness and idiocy EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND, proven by the fact that Tues-Friday were vewy vewy quiet (they ran out of their “recreational” substances by then). I never said I gave a shit if they liked me so that’s not even relevant. And yes, I do judge people who use illegal drugs and then act stupid. Sue me. I called the cops on them because I was concerned that male idiot (large) was going to actually hurt female idiot (tiny). LASTLY, if your partner is pooting in the bed, you should find someone who is more experienced at anal.

I used to be tempted to write this note. My neighbor’s Bob and the Screamer. Are always getting drunk and yelling at each other at 2 am. Yes, its domestic and yes, its violent, but in some cases both people are to blame. My neighbors are in their 60s and they still haven’t figured it out. Drinking + A Bad Relationship= Domestic Violence. I feel for the note writer. Living next door to these types makes you just as much of a victim as those involved. Its not just losing sleep, its losing your sanity. No one wants to listen to two people yelling at each other in a drunken stuper at 2 am. Luckily for me they have been given one more chance by the landlord and then its bye bye maniacs.

A partner and I once had our sleep interrupted by some cops pounding on our door. We both went to the door together–he wouldn’t let me answer the door alone, and I was just nosy like that–and were informed that the neighbors had reported a domestic dispute and they wanted to make sure that everything was all right and nothing was hurt. (I’m sure the cops were ESPECIALLY interested when they saw us in person–Chicago cops in general tend to make assumptions about what goes on with interracial couples.) We were completely mystified–although there HAD been some, erm, sounds which could have been misinterpreted, those were OTHER evenings. So we just blankly looked at them and attempted to reassure them that no, there was no beating going on; that no, I was not saying that under duress; and that no, the neighbors had clearly got SOMETHING wrong.

Our denials and our sleepy faces were apparently enough to keep them from noticing all the heroin-related paraphernalia on the table a few feet behind us, as well; after that, we generally remembered to put the gear away at night, just in case.

If you did drugs before going to bed that night are you sure you didn’t just forget about the stuff you did while high?

I actually had junkies as neighbors once who were making lots of noise at night. I confronted them a few times but they denied causing noise and looked like they honestly believed that, although I was sure they were the source of the noise.
I decided to knock on their door while they were doing the noise, but they didn’t answer. After a few attempts, I brought a microphone to their door and recorded their noise. I made them listen to the tape the next day and their answer was “wow it’s amazing the stuff we do when we’re high!”
I just reported them to the cops and we never saw them again in the building.

No, Jinx, I deserve much better than that, and will gladly educate you in the mysteries of why people stay.
OR I could bar the door and pistol whip you with Claw’s blue dildo collection until you cry for your mommy and forget your safe word. Your choice.

But seriously, there are a number of reasons why people, primarily women, stay in abusive relationships. If you’ve never been systematically broken down over a number of years, then you just don’t know. It usually starts with childhood trauma. It’s tough when you’ve been given that invisible ink tattoo across your forehead that says, “victim.” Predators have a special light that they use to identify potential “love” interests, and then the real work begins.

If childhood trauma isn’t a factor, then it takes years of chipping away at someone’s self esteem. So all you wannabe abusers, Incest survivor groups or ACOA are great places to meet new friends if you don’t want to wait too long for the real fun.

Word, I’m sorry. It breaks my teeny tiny black heart that you’re too STUPID to use a phone or contact one of many shelters for abused people. You know, it’s not 1950. Anyone, man or woman, is a retard if they stay with an abusers and they have resources. I laugh when adult domestic violence victims die. People should call the cops for you. B*tch please! It ain’t my ass getting beat. You know what? If it was, I’d fight back and call the cops. I’m sure your uncle billy bob dun touched your nono spot. So, you’re too much of a retar— Er “victim” to know how to call the cops, or call friends/family to stay with, or look up a shelter that will take you in for free.

Empathy is still a good thing, right?
It’s really easy to say what you would do when you’re not getting left hooks to your eyes, quite another when you’re afraid that if you even cry out you (or your children) may not survive the night.

I’m guessing Jinx thinks that those who died in the Holocaust were pussies for failing to Kung-Fu the Nazis to death, or that the slaves in pre-Civil War America should have just manned up and told massa to pluck his own goddamn cotton.

Little harsh on the slaves, who had already been subjected to some self esteem bashing by virtue of having been captured by African adversaries.

But, yeah, those other wimps are kind of like contemporary versions the tens of thousands of Asiatic softies who laid down and loaned their skulls to Timur and his pyramid techs. Bad enough we have to learn dates and quantities in History class without newbies keeping the vibe fresh.

WMD, I’m glad you finally smarted up. However, stop blaming people for your problems. It’s called being an adult. Adults have to make hard choices. If you choose to be abused, you deserve it. If you smarten up and use your resources, you’ve freeded yourself. You’re an example. Did your family and pets die? I’m guessing probably not. Are you still with the person? No.

@ Jinx – this “stupid bitch” happens to be the manager of a domestic violence shelter. I’ve looked down the barrel of more than one loaded gun being wielded by some unenlightened, opinionated panty-waste with a napoleon complex with the mistaken belief that anyone caught in a situation like that deserves everything they get for not getting out before the crap starts while pulling men, women and children out of harm’s way. I’d like to believe that you don’t fall into that category, but I’m beginning to think you may disappoint me.

DIAF? For someone who was abused, you sure are abusive, Pussy. Er… Kitty. It’s nice to see you have a mouth on line, but not when your ass is being beaten offline. LOL You avoided my questions. Which means nothing happened to your pets or family. Honestly, if you stay with someone who hits you, you deserve it. If ever you find yourself in a situation of domestic violence again, I’ll laugh when you die by the hands of your “abuser” because you’re too stupid to know how to operate a phone or go to the other retard… Er, victim’s shelter. Ask for Wordtink, you two can piss your pants while you cry about all the abuse you suffered while no one else called the cops for you. LOL

Jinx, I really hope this is your sick sense of humor because I can appreciate that. If this is truly how you feel, then I can only pray that not you or anyone that you care about ever becomes ensnared in this ugly cycle of abuse. I’m not saying that I agree with staying with an abuser, I’m just allowing for the fact that there is probably a bunch of stuff and some junk going on in the abusee’s head that perhaps I don’t have complete understanding of. I’ve abandoned friendships because I couldn’t deal with the midnight phone calls and cries for help only to have her return to the asshole who was beating her. I feel your frustration and powerlessness, but no one ever deserves to be abused. Where do you draw the line in your blame game? At what age do beaten and molested children become responsible for their abuse? Have you ever had to try and find the help that you so blithely state is available to each and every abuse survivor? God forbid you ever have to make the kind of tough choices that thousands of women are forced to make everyday.

I did not CHOOSE to be abused, I did not CHOOSE to be conned and manipulated, and I certainly didn’t CHOOSE not to call the cops for myself. The bastard would not only take my phone, but he’d remove the battery AND place it somewhere I couldn’t reach. He wouldn’t return it until I promised not to call the cops.

And when I DID reach out for help, what did I get? NOTHING. I was told that the police “couldn’t” do anything. I was told by the Sheriff’s deputy that I couldn’t press charges, or I’d be arrested, all because I defended myself.,

You know what FINALLY got the cops to sit up and take notice? When my ex assaulted THREE OTHER PEOPLE.

Jinx is acting like I, and other women, just woke up one day and went, “Gee, I think I’d like my life controlled down to the tiniest detail, and get hit/choked/held at knifepoint for daring to even THINK about leaving him, even if it’s just so I can go to class and get a fucking degree.”

NEWSFLASH: It doesn’t WORK that way!

Abusers are sneaky, manipulative, and expert at finding and exploiting a person’s weaknesses, and using those weaknesses to control their “partner”.

My only mistakes? Thinking I could “change” him; and believing him when he said he’d “never do it again.”

@Dave (26.19) — I didn’t come here for a showdown, argument, debate, or what have you, but I really *really* hate when people play “Pin the Blame on the Victim”. Especially when they don’t know the circumstances, or the person’s history.

As it is, I’m doing the best I can to move on with my life.

As for Jinx, I sincerely hope he’s just a troll, and doesn’t seriously believe all this crap he’s spewing about how it’s the victim’s fault for “letting” the abuser… well… abuse them.

Abuse never starts straight away with big things. It starts small, with little criticisms, put-downs, a gradual whittling away of self-worth over time. By the time the violence starts, it’s too late to just “get out”.

Pussy, I really have no idea why you’re bothering to try to tell me about how the abuse could in no way be stopped by you. For every excuse you make for accepting the violence, thus deserving it, I can make a counter point. Unless you live in a city that has no pay phones (like they have most malls), no homeless shelters/abuse shelters, and I’m assuming you have no car. I’m also also assuming you have/had no job and had no time in the day where you could have left or called someone/told someone about the abuse. All points lead it’s your own fault. I think you trying to prove to me that wasn’t is your way of trying to prove it to yourself. I’m entitled to my opinion. I’m sorry, anyone who gets hurt regurlary by their partner deserves it. It’s not 1950.

Have you ever seen a movie called “Not Without My Daughter?” That woman was in a foreign country and managed to escape without her passport, that her abusive diaper head husband stole/destored (I forget which). She got out. Still feel smart?

Surrah, you can hit me. I won’t even hit you back. I’ll just fall down and pretend it hurt a lot more than your punches probably could. I might even get a back injury. I’ll sue you for everything you’re worth. I’ll press charges. You’ll have have a record and nothing left. Please hit me.

Perhaps Jinx thinks that a restraining order (order of protection) is actually worth the paper it’s written on and that all those murder-suicides are fictional news stories added to lighten up the economic news reported on local newscasts.

Jinx, you really had me (some of us?) agreeing with you since you went down the common-sense tough-love path, but then that right-wing turn down Racist Road left us stumped. Isn’t there a white power meeting you’re later for or something?

How do you know I’m not Arabic? So, if you don’t know, El Spic… Er, El Jefe, you can’t say I’m racist. I’ve pointed out the flaws in Asians, Blacks, Whites, and many others on this forum. So, pick up a dictionary , retard.

You may be inadvertently proving Jinx’s point about people being voluntarily abused, by placing yourself in a situation where disagreement with your point/insensitivity is considered (verbal) abuse. Regardless of what you’ve experienced, others’ truths may differ. Save the empty platitudes please. Choosing to be abused or not to leave an abuser may not FEEL like an option but nonetheless IS one. Just because someone doesn’t want to spend their finite empathy/pity budget on something obviously personal to you doesn’t mean it has to be a bad thing (and it doesn’t mean they’re right or wrong). So you’re officially labelling joke-tellers as Part of The Problem? We’re humans and we use dark humor to overcome adversity. Deal with it already. Sometimes we’re Jewish and make movies about productions like “Springtime for Hitler.” We also exaggerate and use hyperbole from the time we’re out of the womb. Does some brat whining about he/she’s ‘sttttaaaarrrvvviinnng’ (usually because the effects of the corn syrup they dumped down their neck is starting to wear off) make light of the children who have less than $1 of food per day? Sorta. It’s an expression though. Deal with it. Do expressions like ‘wouldn’t be caught dead’ with something make fun of dead people? Oh noes!

Feel free to whip that Domestic Abusers Inspired by Violence Jokes survey on me, though. I’m always willing to learn. It sounds like one of those things that, like Steven Colbert , you might look up in your gut. You having been abused no more makes you an expert in psychology than my not having been abused makes me an ignoramus.

I totally feel for the note-writer. In more than one instance I lived in a situation where neighbors were engaged in domestic violence. Seriously scary domestic violence… but guess what, call the cops and they give you shit. Woman bails the guy out of jail, gets beat up more, gives you more shit for calling the cops. AND IT DOESN’T STOP. And its not like it something that’s easy to ignore when guys are beating the shit out of their girlfriends and locking them in closests and screaming at each other, and seeing the bruises later… but both will treat you like a scumbag if you call the cops, and she’ll bail him out of jail anyway. it’s fucked up. Unless I honest to God see someone about to die in front of me from domestic violence, I don’t even fucking bother anymore.

That is the unfortunate truth. If they didn’t want to get beat up, they would not be hanging around the dude/dudette that’s beating them up.
I kind of go the other way when I think a child is being beaten, obviously. To me that is a phone call no matter what. Of course the repercussions can be pretty awful if something actually happens because of it. (as in the child gets taken away) If the person knows or thinks he/she knows who called, you can be in for a world of hurt.
That’s why I agree with mamason – know martial arts, have weapons handy and know how to use them.

I really hate the mental laziness of the ‘the cops do nothing’ meme. Legal situations are intrinsically individual and we cannot criminalize THOUGHTCRIME or what one MIGHT do. That is a fact of any crime.

Similarly, I hate it when someone says anyone ‘got off on a technicality.’ It’s usually something like, oh, say, right to face one’s accuser, or right to adequate counsel, or right to a trial by one’s peers, you know, the really minor details, right?

Modermoron, you have not done due diligence with the anecdote you fuzzily related, from what year? state? country? city? Why should we draw grand conclusions from it?

My general perception is that all you have to do to get someone locked up in most parts of the US country is let the cops know someone laid a hand on you.

@ el jefe: “Similarly, I hate it when someone says anyone ‘got off on a technicality.’ It’s usually something like, oh, say, right to face one’s accuser, or right to adequate counsel, or right to a trial by one’s peers, you know, the really minor details, right?”

Exactly, the U.S. Constitution is NOT a technicality! That bugs me, too. To be perfectly correct, people “get off because the police screwed up the arrest/search/etc.”

El Jefe, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. I didn’t even realize I was attempting to offer any grand conclusions. Of course the cops do stuff. Unfortunately, often (but not always) in domestic abuse situations, the girlfriend/wife will often bail her own abuser out of jail the night of his arrest. Best is when you’re the one that reported it and they both treat you like shit for months afterwards or even threaten you.

Modernmoron, without contextual details the experiences you relate make it (‘they don’t do anything’) it sound like That’s How It Is. I believe this to be intellectually sloppy because the impression you give is that the reactions of cops are the same all over. By specifying a town and time period we’re warmer to legitmacy, but the plural of anecdote is not data.

Frankly. I think we can’t deny helping someone can be a difficult decision to make.

Aside from the bystander effect, there are many more factors to consider.
For instance, what if the victim turns against the helper because they didn’t want help. I once saw a guy in a wheelchair wait for a minute in front of a closed door. I hesitantly offered help and since the guy wasn’t replying I opened the door. The guy waited there silently and I was starting to wonder if he was OK, but then he just started yelling at me for treating him like he couldn’t take care of himself. Needless to say, thanks to this experience I’ll think twice before offering to help a disabled person next time.

Then you have the situation of shy/introverted people, or people who aren’t comfortable with social interactions. I know people like this and they worry A LOT about what people think of them. They really try to avoid any interaction with anyone as much as they can, except for a few close relatives they feel comfortable with.
I’m sure these people would simply be unable to overcome their discomfort and help in case of an emergency.

And lastly, in the case of assault, people will worry about their own safety. I think of myself as brave enough to defend someone if needed, but I would worry that the attacker could just pull a knife out of his pocket and stab me before I even realize it. That would result in me getting killed for the sake of someone I don’t know and don’t care about. And it’s not just me I’m worried about, but I think I have a duty to my relatives, especially my family, not to die on them.
A knife is concealed easily, pulled out quickly, and vital organs get stabbed before you realize it.

On top of that, when the assault looks like a guy beating his girlfriend, I think of the emotional state of the attacker: if someone intervenes, he’ll see it this way: a) the victim is HIS girlfriend and b) the defender is interfering in their private business. This can lead to strong over-reaction from the attacker.
On the other hand, a guy assaulting a random victim probably wouldn’t have such a strong, emotional reaction if someone stepped in.

But then again, if I felt the attacker was likely to kill or seriously injure his victim, I would be more likely to step in.

It’s really a matter of three things:
1) What’s the relationship between attacker and victim?
2) How serious is the threat?
3) Is it safe enough for me to step in?

And if I stepped in (or was involved in any physical altercation) I have one basic rule: I fight only to kill.
I would warn the attacker that any future attack would be considered a murder attempt and I would use deadly force in defense.
I would never engage in a fight just to hurt or knock out someone: my concern is my safety, which is most assured by quickly disabling my opponent. I either back off from the fight or, I fight for my life.

Perhaps another reason people do not help is because they don’t feel like killing/seriously injuring an attacker, and thus they think the fight that would result from stepping in would be a long exchange of blows instead of the attacker going down fast.

All of this aside, people would be more likely to step in if they knew they would not be the only ones. I mean, if ten guys came to the defense of the victim, the attacker would be harmless. But we know (or assume) that this will not happen if we do step in.

Yea, at my old college, a girl was raped in her dorm’s communal bathroom. In response to her cries for help, some b*tch came into the bathroom and told them to keep it down.
Sometimes I really want to punch humanity.

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"The thing that drives me bonkers at work is to open up the trash can drawer and see a cup half-full of water that was carefully placed into the trash can so it doesn't spill--in a trash can an arm's length away from the kitchen sink!

99% of the people in my office are college graduates, probably toward the top of their class. But some without enough common sense to pour the water in the sink before putting the cup into the trash can.