They Shoot Single People, Don’t They?

The season almost every twenty-something dreads. No, I’m not talking about bikini season, although, that sucks the big one too.

I’m talking about wedding season.

The season of taffeta vs organza, black tie preferred vs cool and casual and open vs cash bar. Oh, and who can forget the free-roaming bridezillas that walk among us all –watch yo back, betches!

Of course, being a single twenty-something at the wedding, I dread the question, “so…when do you think you’ll take the plunge?”

To this question, my heart always speeds up a bit and I answer with a polite and funny-but-true answer of, “well, I’m thinking about getting a dog in a year or so…but not sure I can really commit yet.”

Seriously, being single at weddings blows. You’re surrounded by love and heart-shaped everything and people crying left and right.

But actually. It’s like the ‘someone just cut onions’ or ‘dammit!! I just stepped on a Lego’ type of crying. Yikes.

In all reality though, there are worse things than going to a wedding single, but you still have to mentally prepare yourself for all the love you’ll be witnessing.

This is why I’ve devised some tips that help me get through the singles hunting season almost completely unscathed. I say “almost” because no one can un-see your grandma “drop it like it’s hot” on the dance floor.

1. Don’t wear white. Just don’t. The bride is already freaked out enough hoping that her 4 ft ice sculpture doesn’t melt before the reception and that the doves will be released at the exact moment the “I dos” are spoken, much less worrying that some of her bridezilla spotlight will be stolen by your off-white, but too-white-to-wear-to-a-wedding dress.

2. Don’t feel the need to subject yourself to the bouquet toss. This tradition, I’m convinced, was created by men to see cat-fights in short little dresses. Let’s save the chick fights for their day dreams and let the tradition die out quietly.

3. Don’t hook up with more than one member of the bridal party. These are the closest people to the bride and groom, so chances are, if you’re close to them, you’ll see these people again and again, meaning you’ll want to avoid any awkward situations that might occur at the next morning’s champagne brunch. So, if you must, just pick one and focus all of your liquid courage on that person.

4. Speaking of liquid courage, don’t drink to the point of no return. Sure, it’s fun to take shots with everyone, but no one likes an overtly drunk wedding guest. They just make the bride uncomfortable and worrying about what dumb thing they’ll do next. Save yourself the hangover and celebrate responsibly.

5. This one may be the most important rule for your awesome single self to follow:

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT feel the need to explain to your grandma, aunt, great uncle or anyone else why you are single. Whether you’re a young twenty-something or a 50 year old, you don’t have to explain your life choices to anyone. You do you on your own time. Plus, it’s way too fun to hit on all the hot groomsmen anyway. 😉