Early morning confrontations

I hate arguements (Ofcourse except with Hubby :-p) It spoils my mood, upsets my day.Especially a morning arguement. I remember telling mom way back in high school not to scold me/argue with me in the morning before school. It would ruin my day.Initially mom just brushed it aside as a teenage-mood swing. But then every time she would scold me for something in the morning, I wouldnt be my best self when she got back from work – invariably my day would’ve gone bad – I
would’ve forgotten to take the homework, fallen down and hurt myself, fought with a friend, band master scolding me – something gone wrong… Then she realised that it was true – my day would go bad simply because I would be brooding about the morning and not concentrate on the moment.So, she stopped scolding me in the mornings -yes, she would wait fo evenings and we would finish whatever it was before I went to bed so that the next day would be better…

Coming to the husband – I dont know why, but nobody hackles me as much as he does. Initial days of marriage, we worked in different shifts and we would hardly get any time to spend with each other-we would only see a sleeping spouse- he would be sleeping while I left to work and I would’ve been in snooze-land while he came back from work.So the scope for arguements on weekdays would be rare. Weekends were different – saturday mornings would start with fights – mostly on how to spend the weekends.But the Saturday mornings that we fought – the whole day/weekend would just get spoilt for me.So,After a few weeks I just stopped planning the weekends! And then hubby also understood that the morning arguements spoilt the day, and so even now, we try and avoid arguments in the morning, so much so, that a couple of months back, I stressed out with the morning chores and screamed at him, and he said “these early morning arguments,I’ve realised, put my mood off” so can we please stick to not argueing in the mornings”…

Now, why am I saying all this?Because, I now have a new contender for my morning arguements – my cook! She comes in at 5.15am, and then starts grumbling no matter what we-mom/me ask her to prepare for the day, and generally we ignore her.We also ignore the salt-less dishes, half cooked bhindis, thick chappattis-though we still think that a cook has to do a better job. I mostly support her knowing that she is a single parent to 2 small kids having her own set of problems. But a week ago, she spoke to mom in singular in a really bad tone and said she didnt have to learn cooking from my mom, that she had been cooking for 6yrs now in different houses and they had never asked her to cook in any particular way etc; etc; All the lady had to do was put specific ingredients to the masala and put it in the mixer,so that mom could mix it with the rice – no chappatis too that day. Mom just did the grinding herself and when I went to the kitchen she told me all that the lady had spoken-in front of her.When I questioned her, she just only fought more-saying she didnt need to take an cooking exam(!!) and that she just didnt wantto do it. Again she addressed my mom in singular. I didnt care if she didnt want to cook that dish (knowing that she is a cook,and that she needs to do it our way) but I didnt like the disrespect to mom. I lost my cool, screamed at her, told her that she could go and not come to work from the next day. Some more words and then she just left. But it spoilt my mood – big time. The whole day, I couldnt concentrate much on the tasks, seething inside for the words she said and for the words I *should’ve* said. At the heat of the moment I can never really get the right words-they only come to me after.

All this time, I thought only arguements with loved ones ruffled me and affected me, but that day I realised it was more of a stress thing related to the arguement that spoilt my day.I need to keep this in mind, going forward. Try not to get into arguments first thing in the morning…

So tell me, like I asked in my first sentence – does it affect you as badly as it affects me?

PS: Not able to comment from work. But I am reading all the posts though! Even publishing new posts arent working – posting this in a hurry before Chutku grabs the laptop!

I think arguments are stressful for everyone, and noone likes a fight like the one you had with your cook. I don’t think it’s restricted to just loved one – in fact, I feel loved ones are easier because at the end of the day you know you are loved. Arguments with non-loved ones I find more stressful.

me tooo..
At the heat of the moment I can never really get the right words-they only come to me after — same here.. forget right words, sometimes I just go blank not knowing what to say and later I will have some 10 pages script of what I should have said!

this happens to me also.. i also have tough time with my maid not coming on time. everything gets delayed for me. and spoils the day. my hubby keeps telling me, that it is b’cas i am dependent on her, that is the reason i get irritated.

i cant give the reason for spoil mood to anyone in office also.. i need to change to this behavior.

Interesting topic…. I don’t have to spoil my mood on external entities (being a glorified maid cum cook cum everything) here.. But if N and I happen to get into an arguement in the morning, we usually don’t leave without sorting it out.. So our minds get cleared out and we are not in that mood the entire day… Ofcourse it has to be something big.. Small things doesn’t stay in our minds…