WC1 in the deep dark bowels of the british museumlocked away in specimen jarsfloating in formaldehydeare the testicles and ovariesof all our greatest poets that have passed awayin readiness for one glorious day - a resurrection (of sorts)

the power of science in a laboratory constructedto the design of mary shelley’s uteruswe will be able to perform an operation from the realmsof the imagination and …SUPERPOETwill be conceived

[EXPERIMENT 2]:was again unsuccessful althoughaesthetically more pleasing to the eyeno one would listen to the dronesounding sleeping potionSUPERBOREcodename : andrew motion

yet the day will comeof this we are certainand readers will look to the heavensIS IT A BARD?IS IT A SAGE?able to withstand a speeding sonnetdouble the strength of a rhyming coupletqualified to see right through a metaphor

IT’S SUPERPOET

come to tell us our lives are so mundaneand only death can relieve our pain

***2. Looney Case

VOICE OVER

readers are reminded that this poemcontains cliché dialoguea hint of cartoon violence and a plot lineof no real significancethat some readers may find mildly irritating

THE STORY SO FAR

i’m the perfect usual candidateto be a tv police suspecti’ve always been aware of thati’ve that sort of facethe sort of face with one caterpillar eyebrowa hairy creature that sits on my browlaying in wait

THE CANYON RIDDLE

during a murder investigationwhere a body was found in a canyonalthough no one was thereto hear the scream(except the murdererwhoaccording to the tv detectiveswas me and only meso help me god)nine out of ten tv police detectiveswill always point the finger atthe first person on the scenewearing a unibrow

then cut to the next scenein the pubcelebrating with a whiskey chaserand cop drama laughtercase solved

SORRY OFFICERS, I’VE NOT COMMITTED A CRIME

not this timethey had their prime suspectmebut they had no motive

bring him in let’s lean on him a bitsaid the superwe’ll use some electricitypush him down a few stairs (so to speak)strap some dynamitebetween his legshe might just want to spill the beansfull confessiontell us all

BREAK FOR A COMMERCIAL

have a smile that’s glowing and brightbrush your teeth with new radioactive whitefor that beaming confidencemade from the finestsellafield ingredients

PART TWO

the chief super’s eyeswere like tape recorder reelshis mind a mass of tangledmagnetic tapehe went into rewind and saidon the day in questionwe believeyou first tried to killmr roadrunner esq by droppingan anvil on his headbut missed

howeversly crafty wiley beast that you areyou had a back-up planthe 100 ton weight did the trickand now mr roadrunner esqflat linedbeep! beeps! no more

what the …you think i’m a cartooni said

well you have been sketchyabout your whereabouts

i’ve been nowhere near the canyoni went to a rock concert

with my matesbarney and fredgot home late i was starvingthe only thing i murderedwas a bowl of cornflakes

i don’t like the look of this onesaid p c plodcould be we’ve got ourselvesa serial killer