Thursday, December 23, 2010

Less than twenty-four hours after a high-octane skillfest with one of the NHL's elite teams in one of the NHL's elite hockey markets, the Canucks were sentenced to an evening in Columbus. There was concern that this game could be something of a trap game, as Vancouver realistically couldn't have much left to give after yesterday's tilt, and also because it's literally impossible to be excited about a trip to Ohio. Yet somehow, the Canucks came out like gangbusters, making crisp passes and scoring seemingly at will; they had this one sewn up before the end of the first period. It was refreshing to see the Vancouver crush an opponent, especially after we saw what they were capable of a day earlier in Detroit--and Columbus ain't Detroit. The Canucks put on a clinic last night and, much like the Blue Jackets, I watched this game:

We've talked about the Sedins' frustrating ability to put up 4 points between them without controlling the game, so it's always nice to see them decimate and demoralize an opponent with their Wizardous Sedinerie. They were unrelenting last night, and the Blue Jackets looked downright hapless defending them. The opening goal was an excellent example, as Henrik Sedin lost the draw, but still managed to poke it to Daniel in front of the net. The Blue Jackets never got organized, and while Daniel's shot didn't go in, the line was already onto Plan B. This is something I love about the Sedins: once they have a team on their heels, they just push and push until the puck's in the net.

I love Shorty's call on the second goal: "Somebody start singing Sweet Georgia Brown, it's 2-0!" If you're wondering, Sweet Georgia Brown is the Harlem Globetrotters theme, but it was first recorded in 1925 by bandleader Ben Bernie. Somedays, I wonder how Bernie would feel knowing his tune had been adopted as the theme song of a swarm of emasculating, glory-hogging showboaters. I tell you, if my music ever becomes synonymous with bad sportsmanship, let me die.

Raffi Torres is an enigmatic dude. He's talented enough to score 20 goals in a season, despite being not smart with the puck. Raffi got halfway to 20 on Thursday night with a two-goal performance, both on fabulous tip plays, and I've said it before: Torres tips like the waitress is pregnant. He tips like he's the star of It Could Happen to You with Nic Cage and Bridget Fonda. Raffi's the best tipper on the team--maybe one of the best in the league--and if you give him a waist-level puck, he'll prove it in a hurry. Because of his goofy puck decisions, Torres lost his spot on the second unit powerplay to Jeff Tambellini awhile back, but he'll win it back every time he reminds the coaching staff how good at redirecting pucks he is. I suspect, after Christmas, he'll be back on the unit.

While we're talking about the second Torres goal, let's take a moment to realize how little Columbus cares at this point. When it lands in the back of the net, it's like one of those improv flash mobs that freezes at a train station. Nobody moves, and nobody seems to care. Mason's a butterfly goaltender and he's standing straight up like Kirk McLean. Marc Methot looks like he's still waiting for the referee to drop the puck. Did someone slip these guys a roofie? If someone's sitting on a stash of Rohypnol, now might be a good time to give one to every fan still in the stadium.

Before I forget, the Henrik and Daniel combined for two more goals, (this one and the crazy one above) finishing with 4 and 3 points, respectively. What's incredible to me is that they only played 15 minutes of the game. Even more interesting, though, is that their icetime wasn't severely reduced in the third. They played about five minutes of every period, meaning Vigneault was already resting them by the first.

If I have one gripe, it's Shorty and Garret's broken promise: on the third goal, Garrett begs Shorty to use the Sweet Georgia Brown line again, and Shorty says he'll use it later. Then, later, the Sedins give him the perfect opportunity with their fourth display of wizardous sedinerie. Instead of doing what he said, Shorty just laughs incredulously. You promised.

Even despite the gimme game, Vigneault found a way to make some curious decisions with his icetime. As a result of the game's lopsidedness, Keith Ballard played eighteen minutes, but before you applaud the extra minutes, realize Andrew Alberts played over twenty. Vigneault's just rubbing his nose in it! Now, some of this had to do with resting his top players, as Christian Ehrhoff and Alex Edler were the game's low-minute pairing, finishing with eighteen minutes and seventeen minutes, respectively. But nothing makes sense when realize Kevin Bieksa still skated for a team-high 22:05. If somebody can tell me why Vigneault hates Keith Ballard and loves Kevin Bieksa so much, I'd like to know, so I can emulate it. Perhaps it's a fragrance? Were often very unaware of the ramifications of our odours. Someone tell Keith Ballard he smells.

Maybe Vigneault was just showcasing Bieksa for those people in the crowd who looked identical to him. The one guy looked like he could be Kevin's twin brother. He must have been a scout.

Quietly forgotten is that this was the last game of a 3-game road trip against 3 very difficult opponents, and the Canucks came out of it with 5 out of a possible 6 points. Their road record is now a very respectable 9-5-3. Here's a positive stat: no team in the Western Conference has more wins or points on the road.

Dan Hamhuis had four shots in the first period, and holy cow, has this guy suddenly come alive. Hammy was flying in the opening frame, pinching like a madman, keeping the puck in the offensive zone, and stepping in off the blueline to wire shots. Every time Columbus thought they were about to alleviate the pressure, Hamhuis sent them wheeling back into their zone. He finished the night with one assist, but if he plays like that, he's got a pretty good chance to get two assists.

Ryan Kesler's point streak is now at 6 games, and he's got 10 points in that span, and 15 points in the month of December. He's scoring like every night is prom night. Kesler had 1 goal, 2 shots, a game-high 5 hits, and 2 takeaways (i.e, an awesome stat line), and if we're being realistic, he's the reason this team has the best win percentage in the Western Conference. The Sedins are so good that any opponent's game plan is to stop them (hence, when the team gives up, the Sedins score a billion points). But if you do stop Daniel and Henrik, you've got a point-a-game center coming on the ice afterwards. That's tough to stop, and it's a luxury fans should celebrate. Vancouver has two of the best centers in the NHL; the best center in Toronto, on the other hand, is the YMCA.

Let's give credit to Jannik Hansen, who appears to have stolen somebody else's hands. I saw this episode of Futurama. More than likely, somebody took Daniel's advice and gave him some lotion for Christmas, which he used to soften up his hands. Impressive; that's not what I would have done with it.

Corey Schneider played well, but who cares? Chris Levesque could have won this game. Hey, has anybody ever seen that movie The Big Green? Doesn't Schneider kind of look like the goalie in that?

And finally, Bulie @beninvictoria pointed this out: Jeff tambellini needs 3 more points to break his career season high. it took him 65 games last year, 18 so far this year. Not since the Micro Machines guy have I seen a man burn through points at such an accelerated rate.

10 comments:

What did you make of the slash'n fight at the end of the game? That is at least twice now I have seen a player with a red mist over their eyes wanting blood from Ballard. he seems so quiet how does he piss dudes off so bad?

Good question, Kenny. In most cases, I think it's the hip checks. Players hate them. In this case, I think Dorsett was annoyed Ballard was still playing hard when everybody else on both teams had quit trying about five minutes in.

The other possibility is that Dorsett has the same mental defect Alain Vigneault has, and loathing Keith Ballard is of the symptoms.

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