Not Enough Sex? Too Much Sex? You're Normal

by Jeff Schult

“How often” is often the subject of dispute in long-term relationships.

Are you in a long-term relationship and not having the right amount of sex? You’re not at all alone. A majority of men (54 percent) and not-quite-a-majority-but-a-lot of women (42 percent) say they are unhappy with the frequency of sex, according to findings published in the March issue of The Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy.

The “right amount” of sex is a pretty tricky concept, of course. Guys who aren’t having their own right amount pretty much say they aren’t having enough. Two-thirds of women who aren’t happy with how often they are having sex also say they aren’t getting enough, leaving a third who would prefer less sex.

“Age was a significant factor but only for men, with those aged 35-44 years tending to be least satisfied,” the study said. “Men and women who were dissatisfied with their frequency of sex were also more likely to express overall lower sexual and relationship satisfaction.”

The New York Timesgot this e-mail advice from one of the study’s authors: “Couples need to talk about the frequency of sex. Talking openly about sex and finding a middle ground with regard to frequency appears to be very important for overall sexual and relationship satisfaction.”

Ah, the middle ground … representing the art of compromise in a long-term relationship. Yes, we know about that. But what about when the “middle ground” is in an area that makes both people unhappy? We’re waiting for scientists to get a little more creative on this one …

And we didn’t mention this survey was all Australians. We don’t know if they’re typical. “Typical” is not a word we use to describe our Aussie friends.