Category: Thoughts

What is the best thing about being either single, or partnered (whichever you are right now)?

For me the best thing about being partnered is knowing I have a teammate in this game called life. Someone I can trust and count on to lend support when I need it. Someone who I know is invested just as much as I am and is working with me to achieve the same goal. Not really the most romantic answer but it’s true. If you would have asked me this question a few months ago I would’ve probably had a different answer. Recently I discovered something about myself and my marriage. You know that famous movie line from Jerry Maguire.. no, not “Show me the money”. The other famous line, “you complete me.” Yeah, I have decided I really dislike that line. Don’t get me wrong, its a great movie moment and I used to totally swoon over those words… until I got married.

However, the more I am married the more I realize my husband does not complete me, and it’s unfair for me to put that expectation on him. If I were to do so, I feel I would be setting him up for failure. Here’s what I mean by that. In the past when I was feeling sad or lonely I would look to him to fix it. But that never really worked and then I found myself just frustrated with him. Poor guy. Then finally it hit me. It’s not his job to fix those things for me and I needed to stop looking to him to fill those voids. I needed to make an adjustment. I need to take my husband out of the role of “void filler” (that’s not really a thing but.. you know what I mean) and rather see him as my teammate. I can honestly say it’s been awesome! Since I am the same for him I started to think of qualities that make a great teammate.

They put the team before themselves

They are reliable and committed

They treat others with respect

They lend support when needed

They cheer their other teammates on

They listen and encourage

They communicate constructively

They work with others to problem solve

They celebrate the victories

They work on bettering themselves for the benefit of the team

Hahaha wow this turned really self-help like. I promise I am not trying to write a book or anything ;). Just thought I would share some of the things Ive been pondering lately.

I would love to hear your response to the writing prompt. What is the best thing about being either single, or partnered (whichever you are right now)?

Since it’s Thursday I thought it would be fun to do a little Throw Back Thursday! Below is a picture of me when I was 20.

When I was 20 I could eat french fires like it was no big deal. My hair always looked perfect even when I didn’t style it. When I was 20 I could hang out on the beach with my friends until 2am and then get up and go to work and not even bat an eye! When I was 20 I was invincible…

I’m not 20 anymore. Last night my husband and I went to a country concert. We were so excited, we were going to relive the glory days..before kids. Who cares if its a Wednesday night and we have to work on Thursday. Who cares that the concert was an hour and a half away and we weren’t getting home til after 1am. We can hang! We used to do this all the time when we were 20! We aren’t 20 anymore.

Last night was fun but today was horrible. I quickly realized after a whole cup of coffee and two coke zeros that I was probably going to feel like crap all day. I quickly realized that I can no longer stay up till 2am and expect to function like a normal person. Then I started thinking about it. The truth is I can’t eat french fries like I used to because where as french fries and I used to be besties.. we are now in a love hate relationship. I love them, they hate me. My beautiful hair that used to be thick and flowy has now thinned and grayed (ok that’s a bit of a stretch, I have like two gray hairs.. but still!). My boobs are at my knees. I can’t see the TV without my glasses. And if I even think about staying up past 10pm I regret it!

So I have decided I’m going to just accept my fate. I think starting a movie at 8pm is crazy! I would rather stay at home in my pj’s then visit the latest night club. For me a hot date is if my hubby does the dishes and gives me a back a rub! I’m becoming pretty boring in my old age and I like it! Maybe when the kids have grown and left the house, I’ll spice it up a bit and become a regular at my local bingo hall. But for now it’s 7pm and I’m going to bed! Whoop Whoop!

I have a single friend in the dating scene who is looking for a serious, even forever relationship. Recently, through online dating, she met a guy and was quite excited about the possibility. The first date went great, they had great conversation with lots of laughing and quickly decided on a second date. The second date came, a casual dinner in which he let her pay (my thoughts on that in a minute) and a baseball game. When the date was over he took her home and automatically assumed she would want to have sex. She didn’t and he was gone, not to be heard from again.

What? What happened here? Because she didn’t put out he instantly decided she was not worth his time? Is this what has happened to dating? What happened to the days of dating? What happened to the seriousness of it? Wasn’t there a time when you didn’t just date anyone…wasn’t there a time when people truly got to know each other before deciding to be fully intimate with each other.

What upsets me even more is.. have women just accepted this standard? I’m going to take a second and call out the guys… MAN UP! Stop treating women as if they are something you can shop for… if she doesn’t give you want you throw her away like trash. This is not the behavior of man, of someone who deserves an ounce of respect. If you want to have the title of MAN.. then start acting like one. Treat a woman with respect. Be a gentleman. Open doors, Pay for dinner, treasure her. She is your gift, not your prize. Even if you don’t marry her.. everyone woman deserves this treatment.

And ladies…. stop giving your goodies away to every tom, dick and harry who asks for it! Know that you are worth SO much more then that. Every women desires to be loved and treasured and they deserve it!

I know that not everyone who dates is like this guy in my friend’s story. But I feel it is the growing trend, which saddens me. I know there are still people who care about dating to fall in love, I just don’t see it very often. I have a daughter who will one day date. What will be her experience? I hope not this. I hope she can experience the delight and purity in dating. The butterflies. The joy. I hope she is not faced with the pressure of feeling like she has to give a guy what he wants in order for him to stick around. That is not love… that is not dating… that is selfishness.

When I was in college and my early twenties I was go go go… never home. Between school, work, friends, having a boyfriend, events and social activities, life was crazy. Late nights and early mornings.. sleep was on the bottom of my list. Now I am exiting my mid-twenties and about to enter my late twenties with a husband, a job, my own home, and a toddler and infant in tow. And you know what, life is still crazy! But crazy in a different way. Before I was never home where as now being home seems like the best place to be and sleep seems to be my number one goal! In fact I could say life is the craziest it’s ever been but in a weird way my days are slower. They are filled with dirty diapers, copious amounts of laundry, baby stuff everywhere and one mess after the other. There are days that seem to never end where I am counting down the minutes seconds until my husband gets home. I live from hour to hour. One hour can be filled with overwhelming joy and love and the next hour seems to bring a wave of exhaustion that results in tears. I find myself with a list of stuff to do and barely any of it seems to get done.

Recently it was brought to my attention by someone who is close to our family, in there opinion, I am not doing enough. That of course is the condensed version and I will not divulge further on what transpired because that is not what this blog post is about. But of course upon hearing this I was devastated. As a wife and mom my biggest insecurity is that I am not doing enough. I hate that I am so exhausted all the time and I wish I could be the super mom with the immaculate house, cultured kids and dinner on the table every night. But this is not who I am. Upon processing what was said about me I realized a little something about myself. I would rather sit down and play with my kids then do the dishes and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes I need a little extra “me” time in order to keep my sanity and there is nothing wrong with this either. It is who I am and it is what works for me.

I am not here to pass judgements on other moms, in fact I believe there needs to be a little less comparing and judgment passing within the mom community. Being a mom is hard, really hard and really rewarding at the same time. You can never fully understand or appreciate motherhood until you become a mom. I have had to learn a big lesson ( a lesson I am still learning) it’s called Grace. Grace for myself, grace for my kids, grace for my husband and grace for others. Simply put.. we are all a little imperfect and that is ok.

I am not sure if I decided to write this because I am still trying process or even self justify. A part of me thinks the real reason I wrote this post is for YOU the reader. Maybe you are a mom or dad who feels like you are constantly failing, maybe you see others and can’t help but feel a little less than. I hope you know you are not alone. I hope you know that there is someone out there who understands your struggles and your fears! I want you to know that you are doing a good job and it is ok if you do things differently.

In end life is always a little crazy, but for me, at the end of it all I think what will matter the most are the relationships. I know my children, when they are grown, will appreciate more the time I spent with them rather then the time I spent “doing things”.