Televisualist: Subtropical Zombies

Each week, Torontoist examines the upcoming TV listings and makes note of programs that are entertaining, informative, and of quality. Or, alternately, none of those. The result: Televisualist.

“I know this seems hard to believe, given that you’re locked in an insane asylum, but they cast Naveen Andrews to appear later in the season as Jafar.”

Monday

AMC begins the next The Walking Dead marathon (which will go on all damn week) because now that Breaking Bad is over and Mad Men isn’t coming back for another year, it’s either overhyping their only other major hit or trying to get people to watch Low Winter Sun. And that latter fish, she ain’t biting. (8 p.m.)

Tuesday

Oh, look, The Rick Mercer Report and This Hour Has 22 Minutes are back for their new seasons, presumably because news has started happening again! What’s that? The Daily Show managed to go for three months without having Jon Stewart handy? It’s almost as if it has some sort of commitment to doing a regular and relatively timely comedy news show! (CBC, 8 p.m.)

The CBC also has the premiere of Crossing Lines, for all those of you who didn’t watch it back in June when it premiered on NBC. If you really want to watch it, that is. It was renewed for a second season by the TF1 network in France, so we guess it has that going for it. (9 p.m.)

Wednesday

Returning for its second season for reasons we don’t quite understand: Arrow, which is seemingly proof that no matter how stupid your superhero TV show is, people will still watch it. New this season: Summer Glau as the new baddie! Hooray! She was in that other thing you liked! (CTV, 8 p.m.)

Debuting on Bravo roughly a year after its cancellation is Boss, Kelsey Grammer’s drama about a tough-as-nails Chicago mayor trying to conceal his early-onset dementia. There are only two seasons and eighteen episodes of the show, so it’s not a major commitment. It’s worth checking out if only for Grammer’s ridiculously good performance in the lead. The rest of the show is hit and miss (and, frankly, trends downwards as it goes on), but Grammer is just great in this, which is why he won a Golden Globe for acting in it. (10 p.m.)

Big Tips Texas is MTV’s new reality show about waitresses working at a honky-tonk bar in Texas. If it’s successful, expect to see Big Tips New York and Big Tips Miami—and probably Big Tips Wyoming for all we know. (MTV Canada, 10 p.m.)

Thursday

Once Upon a Time in Wonderland is a spinoff of Once Upon a Time, which you probably forgot about but apparently a whole lot of people still watch (it’s like the C.S.I. of fantasy TV in a lot of ways). This show is, of course, about Alice from Alice In Wonderland, except it’s much more of a straight-up adventure show than the mystery/drama saga that its parent show was conceived as. There will be sword fights and romance and lots of gritty re-envisionings of Lewis Carroll’s books (the Red Queen wears an evil lingerie dress!), and it doesn’t look that bad, but then again Televisualist is seemingly the only one who liked Tim Burton’s Alice In Wonderland movie unironically, so maybe take our opinion with a grain of salt. (City, 8 p.m.)

Chocolate Sundaes: Live On The Sunset Strip is BET’s latest stand-up comedy offering, and features sets performed at the legendary Laugh Factory in Hollywood during its weekly “Chocolate Sundaes” black comedy night. The first episode offers up Kevin Hart, Katt Williams, and Aries Spears, and that should be enough reason to tune in right there. (10 p.m.)

The Weekend

So now that you’ve spent all week watching all those old, flawed episodes of The Walking Dead, you can watch the fourth-season premiere, which will also likely be flawed—because this show never quite gets it entirely right! Hooray! (AMC, 9 p.m. Sunday)

And after The Walking Dead, perhaps you’ll want to watch The Talking Dead, because nothing makes you appreciate a series quite like watching minor celebrities and people from the internet say stuff like, “Wow, that was great.” (AMC, 10 p.m. Sunday)