Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Remember, directing the Internal Revenue Service to harass and hinder your political opponentsenemies and their freedom of speech will show "not even a smidgen of corruption" if its responsible agents claim all their interagency email communications while it was doing such "improper" things, were stored only on hard drives that all of sudden "crashed" so no outside or independent investigators may discover what was in them. Also, don't forget to destroy "recycle" any external backups of those communications older than 180 days. Neat, huh?

Next, if you like delaying any of those oft-delayed provisions of the so-called Affordable Care Act, you can keep delaying any of those oft-delayed provisions of the so-called Affordable Care Act. Period. Doesn't matter how exact or clear its effective-date language is. You don't even have to involve the Congress whenever you delay it. Members of the other party say they're perfectly fine with a president doing that. So you should be, too.

Speaking of not involving Congress, just tell it you have a pen and a phone and you'll use them to do whatever you feel like doing, including delivering our money, arms, and even air support anywhere, to anybody, anytime you wish. Don't worry about its members coming together to do something to stop you. Even if you said, "By the authority vested in me via the Cross Townsend and AT&T, I now make it so," it's very doubtful they'd try.

By the way, do you like taking numerous vacations every year and a lot of time out for playing your favorite sport? If so, you couldn't find a better office to hold! Yes, you and the First Spouse (not to be confused with the first spouse if you've ever had more than one) can take separate planes to the same or different luxurious locations. Sweet. Enjoy the complementary free passes the press will go remarkably out of its way to give you, too.

But wait, there's more. Since you're the president, the Fourth Amendment doesn't apply to anything you do. Neither does the Due Process Clause. Spy on American citizens or blow them up with your drones. It's nice to have options. Reporters don't seem to mind much if you spy on their colleagues, either.

Your predecessor B.J. Clinton said he did what he did "because I could." B.H. Øbama followed that up with "yes we can." You should keep this going by spewing something even a little more revealing. How does "it's our turn" grab you?

One last thing: About those words you recited right before you took office — you know, when you had your left hand on the Bible and stuff? Those came from the Constitution. (If you just asked, "The what?" then nevermind.) But since more and more people in Washington don't bother paying attention to the rest of the words in it anymore, it's not like they're going to care whether you took all that "solemnly swear" crap seriously or not when you spoke it. So your preserving, protecting, and defending this or any other part of the Constitution is now becoming merely another optional thing that yes you can freely ignore. Because fewer and fewer of us could give a Defraudcrat's asterisk if you did.