Ho. Lee. SHIT. Four hundred lucky guests who show up to a Star Wars convention in Florida will get one of sixteen Star Wars-themed cereals. I don't give a shit about any of the others here, but I WANT ADMIRAL ACKBAR CEREAL. (Buzzfeed)

This brilliantly sums up M. Night Shyamalan's reputation with audiences now. His name actually elicits a collective groan in a movie theater. (FilmDrunk)

The now dead Anchorman sequel, it turns out, was going to be a musical. (CHUD) But now, there is talk of a Step Brothers sequel. Ugh. (Cinemablend)

Now that Lindsay is using rehab to avoid jail, she wants to open her own chain of rehab centers. In related news, Roman Polanski is set to open his own daycare. (Yeeeah!)

Wanna hear something that will make you lose all faith in a benevolent God? How about this: The two most watched videos ever on Youtube are a Lady Gaga video and Justin Bieber's stupid fucking "Baby" song. Are you weeping for humanity yet? (Evil Beet)

I know I don't say this enough but please please PLEASE kill yourself Spencer Pratt. Set yourself on fire, throw yourself off a cliff, wear a meat-suit and jump into shark-infested waters; I don't care how you do it, just stop living. (Celebitchy)

Well, now that Megan Fox's career is pretty much dead as dirt, meet Taylor Momsen, the sixteen-year-old who doesn't care about Haiti and who talks about using her vibrator. Pedobear approves! (Agent Bedhead)

You know, for a band who asked how fucking magnets worked, Insane Clown Posse does not take kindly to people trying to educate their fans. (Gamma Squad)

In preparation for shark week, or as I like to call it "Watch TV with your feet curled up safely on the couch week," The Discovery Channel turned their building into a giant shark. NO ONE IS SAFE. (Warming Glow)

Ever wonder where the little pieces from Tetris come from? The answer: Chopped up beloved video game characters. You heartless Russian bastards! (Unreality)

Ever wanted to see what Jersey Shore would be like if they were all Asian and The Situation was actually a soft-core gay porn star? There's a show for that! (Side-note: Soft-Core? You pussy.) (Dlisted)

Ever wonder what Inception would be like if they replaced Leonardo DiCaprio's character with Dora the Explorer? Well your oddly specific fantasy has come true thanks to this spoof trailer! Also: No, I haven't seen the movie yet. Shut up, I was busy!

Jeremy Feist is a freelance writer, maker of lovin', and an average-everyday-sane-psycho. You can check his sorta-NSFW blog here, or email him here.