Never a dull moment…

When Prayer is a Struggle

I sit to pray because it’s the thing to do. The way to start my day off right and almost like ‘insurance’ for my plans. Not the best approach to prayer, I’ll admit.

But even if my heart yearns for it, sometimes my mind is not on board with the idea.

Sometimes the ping-pong that has replaced my brain just won’t settle long enough for a cohesive thought to form. The ‘cares of this world’ crowd in on me – the school work, the bills, the ever-growing-to-do list.

I struggle to pray, struggle to read, struggle to settle my focus on the Lord Who knows all my cares.

…casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. – 1Pe 5:7 NKJV

There’s also the guilt.

The bedtime words that have lingered over to this morning, pressing on me like dead weight. They are dead weight, leftovers of the old man crucified.

I tucked my kids in with condemnation, frustration, anger.

Where is the way out of this?

I am surrounded by the provocations of last night. The dishwasher full of clean dishes, the counter full of dirty ones. Floors unswept, garbage full, toilets dirty. And a whole busy day ahead.

Is any of it really worth a second thought? Even the whole dirty combination of things, is it worth wounded hearts and biting words and unmerciful lists?

And have I failed again only to let the guilt of it all separate me from the One Who is Mercy?

This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. – Lam 3:21-23 NKJV

New. Every. Morning.

That’s always been my way out, my hope for the redemption of words I can’t take back and deeds mis-done.

In the morning we can start over.

I leave my chair and ora et labora, pray and work.

I do the chores because my kids are more important and if I don’t remove this burden, it weighs my children down, as well.

We’ll talk later about responsibilities and I’ll remind them that we all have work to do, but for now I just know that they don’t need to wake up to the same heaviness I did.

“Good morning. Do your chores,” is no way to greet my kids.

I make pancakes. It’s a Friday morning and that usually means toast or oatmeal. Pancakes are for Saturday, for eating while listening to Odyssey and Ranger Bill.

But this is a Friday with new mercies and why not pancakes?

They come out of their rooms confused, but thankful.

That must be the joy – thankful confusion. It sure makes me happy, and that’s always a good way to start the day.

So that’s it, my two-steps when prayer is a struggle:

do the chores

make pancakes

I am no authority on prayer, but I am an expert at struggling. Struggling means you are trying, fighting against the old man, hanging on to Jesus by a thread when you feel like you’ve cut every chord.

He never turns away this kind of prayer, the one lived out in the dirty kitchen by the struggler-seeking.

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Adding some ‘thankful’ to our ‘confusion’ this week…

201. Science (can I just say, I’m thankful that someone here is thankful for science?!)

202. the amazing, strange, funky creatures that the mind of God created

203. kids who work together

204. fresh paint

205. the wonderful neighbor who makes us dinner on a busy day

206. a house beginning to feel like home

207. so many good friends around the table that we eat soup from strawed-cereal bowls and measuring cups!

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7 thoughts on “When Prayer is a Struggle”

Love your vulnerability here–we can’t even conjure up the want to talk to God by ourselves. We need Him to give us desire. I also heeded “but for now I just know that they don’t need to wake up to the same heaviness I did.” Personally, I am often dissatisfied without an apology or a conversation after a difficult day…but sometimes I just need to forgive as Jesus forgives–without expectation. And I nearly teared up at “thankful confusion.” What a beautiful term for how the Gospel produces in us a love for Jesus. He came and died before I sinned. I am thankful and confused.

Amen, Kayla. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and deepening mine. I, too, get frustrated with the lack of apologies. I’ve been meditating on Ephesians 4:32 – kind, tenderhearted, forgiving as Christ forgave…all the things I need. And yes! The gospel is confusing-thankfulness!

I found myself nodding the whole time I read this. There are mornings I wake up so frazzled from the previous day’s events that I birtually storm downstairs to let the dogs out. Those are the morning when I sit in a chair out back while the dogs are doing their thing and look up at the remnants of the stars, looking toward Heaven, not really putting any words into my prayer but asking the Lord to remind me that He is there.

Also, I have a prayer taped to my refrigerator for those days, because I usually find (this is just me) when I’m that out of sorts and unable to focus, the problem is that I’m trying to take on too many things that rightfully belong to God. Here’s the prayer: “Lord, please help me remember today that I do not want Your job.”

Pancakes sound like a stellar idea, though. I’ll have to try that one.