Listen up gays! I know you want to get married, but I’m sorry, it just ain’t gonna happen! Although I appreciate your predicament, let me explain something to you. The institution of marriage is sacred because the union between a man and a woman is a miraculous and amazing thing. Some things are so rare and beautiful that they must be placed on a pedestal and given unquestioned respect and reverance by society. Sex between a man and a woman is one of those things. I mean, have you ever heard of a heterosexual couple doing it in the back of a limo on prom night, crudely videotaping their lovemaking or inviting complete strangers to join them in the bedroom? No, of course not! Have you ever heard of a man forcing himself on a woman who has clearly said “no” or a female teacher having sex with one of her 14 year-old male students? Cases like these are simply unheard of. Why? Because, unlike you and your gay partner, God is present within each heterosexual relationship. And that is why you will never hear horror strories such as a man killing his pregnant wife on Christmas Eve and dumping her headless body and that of their unborn son into the San Francisco bay. It just doesn’t happen.

If you need further proof that “normal” straight marriage is sacred, all one has to do is look to the stars. No, not the heavenly stars above — the trend-setting stars in Hollywood. Take for instance the female performer Jennifer Lopez. Her marriage to the male pop singer Marc Anthony is a glorious thing in God’s eyes. So was her first marriage to Ojani Noa. And her second to Cris Judd. And I’m sure God will smile upon her next marriage, too. And who could watch five minutes of “Britney & Kevin: Chaotic” or “John & Kate Plus Eight” or “The Bachelor” and not see the quiet dignity of marriage? And the vagina-sporting actress Renee Zellweger’s marriage to the penis-equipped country singer Kenny Chesney is also a golden example. So are Woody Allen and his one-time adopted daughter and now wife Soon-Yi. As are Anna Nicole Smith and J. Howard Marshall II, who was 60 years her senior. Want even more evidence? How about one of my all-time favorite married couples — film director Peter Bogdanovich and Louise Hoogstratten — who is not only 29 years younger than him, but had plastic surgery to look more like her sister, doomed Playboy centerfold Dorothy Stratten, with whom Bogdanovich had an affair before her enraged husband blew her brains out with a shot gun and sodomized her dead body. Add to this all the green card marriages, mail-order brides, reality show love connections, Mormon polygamists and women who marry serial killers on death row and the argument is settled once and for all. Can’t you just hear the birds singing while God nods with approval? So you see, this is why you as a defective homosexual cannot get married. It’s just not right. Not when you step back, take a good look at marriage and realize just how sacred it really is.

According to Britney Spears’ former bodyguard she sexually harassed him by walking around nude all the time and coming on to him. Fernando Flores wants multi-million dollars. This is not the first bodyguard to complain about this. I think they should not be such pussies. Many man would love to see a naked Britney all the time.

Lady Gaga’s new clip has caused a lot of controversy with mostly the catholic church. She wears a latex nun-outfit, walks around with a religious cross in front of her crotch and eats a religious symbol in the clip for Alejandro. Kathy Perry called it blasphemy, but she is just jealous I think. The clip is fine, nothing too shocking. I liked the Bad Romance and Telephone-clips better though.

Seinfeld re-runs have made $2.7 billion over the last 12 years. All that money goes to Jerry himself and Larry Kramer. Other cast-members get nothing. This amount is not surprising, I mean I love the show but it is on all the time.

Tom Cruise has some very kind and loving words to say about David Beckham. He admires him as an athlete, father and husband. He has a great spirit and solid body. Allegedly the last part is what he likes best, haha.

Kathy Griffin’s mom has written a book called ” Tip it, the world according to Maggie Griffin.” Kathy interrupts her mom throughout the book and it is about a fierce mom and the special relationship she has with her daughter. I have read Kathy’s biography and they have went through a lot. Definitely gonna read this as well.

Jesse James is digging his own grave deeper and deeper. Now he said in an interview he though the Nazi-salute was “funny” at the time. Yeah, real funny!! What a moron. His former wife, porn-star Janine Lindemuller wants custody of their daughter sunny. She just got out of jail for tax evasion.

Heidi Montag from the Hills is apparently suicidal. She apparently hates herself, and got all the plastic surgery to make her feel better. But the critique from everyone and the fight with her mom have made her very emotional. This combined with her addiction to painkillers since her 12 plastic surgeries have people fearing for her life. She has some serious self-esteem issues, that is for sure…

Britney is the new queen of Twitter. She dethroned Ashton Kutcher and has the most viewers now, 4.9 million. Bet she does not even write most of her tweets herself compared to Ashton who is often very funny and interesting. What does Britney Twitter anyway, I took a big dump, y’all. I’ve got the crazies ,y’all. When her Twitter is hacked it does get funny though, that probably helped her a lot.

Britney Spears is apparently losing it again. She was supposed to go with bf Jason and her kids to Disneyland but after a fight with Jason, Britney locked herself in the toilet and stayed there for hours. Later on Britney ordered scissors and cut a big piece of her hair off. She also got a tattoo of a crown on her ass, because she thinks she is the queen of her life. Maybe poppa Spears needs to take the control over Britney’s life again.

Lindsay Lohan is in big shit. She did not show up for her court hearing because she lost her passport while promoting a movie in Cannes, France. Judge Revel was having none of it and put a bail out for her arrest upon arrival in the U.S. for $ 100.000, later it was brought down to 10.000 and people in Lindsay’s camp paid it. Then there was a photo that was shown in the media of Lindsay surrounded by some people close to a table with lines of coke on them. Lindsay says it is a set-up,but I dunno. Lindsay and lines of coke go together like Lindsay and fake tanner imo.

That is what you get for not fucking until you are married!!. Kevin Jonas and his wife of several months do not sleep in the same room because he snores to loud. People are already dooming their marriage but I think it can still last. My and my boyfriend rarely ever sleep in the same room either for similar reason and have already been together for years.

Courtney Love confessed she and Kate Moss did the dirty together back in the 90’s in Milan. She said it was fun and they did not take a lot of drugs. Yeah right…

You haven’t made it in Hollywood until you have your own drag queen. Congrats Chloe Sevigny, star of Big Love.

Wow, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag seem to have lost it completely now.Heidi called the cops on her mother who came by unannounced. Heidi says that after what her mother did to her on TV(basically telling her the truth about her plastic surgery) she does not wanna see her anymore. She is calling her mom psychotic and wants a restraining order. Meanwhile she is apparently only staring in the mirror the whole day and Spencer stands outside with crystals in his hands and binoculars to see if either his or her family will show up…

There are some new BFF’s in town. Real Housewife of NYC Jill Zarin and Lynne Spears, mom of Britney. They dined together and Lynne wants parenting advice from Jill. Kinda strange for someone writing a book about parenting huh?? Well, Lynne did a bad job and Jill seems like a great and smart mom so it is a wise move.

Crazy eyed Jonathan Rhys Meyers, great in the Tudors, got himself in trouble again with an airline/at an airport. After being arrested at the Dublin airport in 2007 for being drunk and hitting someone at Charles de Gaulle in Paris where he was detained by the French and put into handcuff, this time he drank so much during a United Airlines flight(my favorite airline) that he acted like a giant asshole and is no black-listed by the airline and will never be allowed to fly with the again. Must have been pretty severe then!

My favorite comedienne is Kathy Griffin but a good second is Joan Rivers. I love that crazy foul-mouthed babe and was excited to see that a new documentary about her life called A piece of work will be released in June and it looks fantastic. On Youtube I found a clip.

Finally I saw Lady Gaga live!!!. Missed her in NY a few times, but this time in the Netherlands it all worked out. I went with my 2 sisters and we had so much fun.It was super fantastic. Gaga is just such a great entertainer but unlike Britney or Madonna the girl can sing very well, live. Her outfits were beyond fabulous. Extreme couture, sexy and risqué. Fire spitting tits, hair-extension on her pubic area and extreme bulging jock straps on her dancers. The decor was very musical-ish with a huge monster, a car that had in a piano as engine and lots of special effects. The whole crowd was so into it and that made the atmosphere magical and unique. Must-see for music fans!!