“Look at my striped shirt! No seriously, look at it. It’s either that or the neck fat.”

Newcastle United’s manager Kev Keegan, as much a part of the Magpies’ tradition as their black and white jerseys, quit the team last Thursday over what he perceived to be shoddy restrictions over how he ran the club. During the height of the team’s internal strife, team owner Mike Ashley was in New York dropping $216,000 on one night of partying.

The owner and three other men, including one man named only as PK, downed an amazing 175 bottles of Cristal Champagne — the club’s entire stock. They also necked 16 bottles of Dom Perignon, 29 of PJ Fleur Rose and three of Grey Goose Vodka.

Onlookers in the club on Wednesday night said Ashley was “slaughtered” and soaked from head to foot in Champagne as he sprayed £450 bottles of Cristal over his pals and handed out drinks and bottles to scantily-clad girls — getting some to pour booze into his mouth.

Big deal. I went to the liquor store and got, like, almost all their Mike’s Hard Lemonade. AND I wasn’t carded, thank you very much. Operators are standing by, ladies.

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09.08.08 at 4:40 pm

Blackcapricorn

After doing a lot of drugs, I usually see words superimposed on people as well.

09.08.08 at 4:51 pm

ShallowThinker

I remember the 1st time I tried doing this and was throwing the actual bottle of cristal at people, instead of spraying people with the bottle of crystal and it turns out my way is way better at making poor people feel bad about themselves.

09.08.08 at 4:52 pm

WestCoastBias

I always took you for a Smirnoff Ice man…

09.08.08 at 5:04 pm

whowillsexmutombo

Someone offered me some “Hard Mike’s Lemonade” once. Turns out the two are not affiliated. Awkward at first. Then, sort of liberating…

09.08.08 at 5:26 pm

Enrico Pallazzo

‘TOPES RULE!!!

09.08.08 at 5:42 pm

Dave05

The video of Ashley downing a pint (illegally) at the Arsenal match was more fun. It was a perfect demonstration of exactly what’s required to be a Newcastle supporter.

09.08.08 at 5:53 pm

Angel Eyes Van Cleef (for now)

I know The Sun is a beacon of truth and enlightenment but the claim “In May he won £1.3million on a single spin of a roulette wheel at a London casino — staking £480,000 on lucky number 17.” Eh? 480 large on one number? And the return is less than 3-1. Doubt it.

09.09.08 at 10:01 am

chavman

continuing on ….their lacky was given a suitcase of 100,000 dollars and told to walk into the middle of the dance floor and throw all of it into the air conditioning units…just so they could piss themselves while all the birds were jumping up and down trying to catch it all!