Motherhood does amazing things to you as a person

i too surprised myself when catching sick in my hands, i thought i would struggle with that side of things but it's just what you do....also maybe not the kind of thing you are looking for but i have also got an amazing ability to catch after being the offical most clumsy uncoordinated person in the history of people, that i put down to motherhood.

yup. using your hands to cup vomit. Clearing noses. Picking up poo. hunting the one that you can smell but you just can't find. Cleaning it off walls and floors. Examining poo in great detail I am called upon to admire it. "Look mum, I did a MONSTER POO!" whereupon I must go to the bathroom, look down the loo and be very admiring and enthusiastic. They don't tell you that in the parenting books!

I was called in to witness my eldest son's first erection he had no clue what was happening and couldn't believe this miraculous transformation.

I've caught a toddler about to fall through a bannister. I've cleared slugs and snails and cat litter from little mouths.

I've helped them to wee into bottles when they've been caught short in the car and no loo for miles - and ended up with wee all over my hand.

I find injuries harder to deal with. If they're hurt, particularly if they're bleeding, my legs hurt. It's really weird. I get a very strong cramping and shooting pain in my legs.

One year old DS is a prolific shitter, capable of exploding out of every single pamper we've put him in.

When he was 6 weeks old, he hadn't pooed for 3 days. I was sitting in the back of the car nursing him after lunch with a friend and had him resting on my knee. He chose that moment to evacuate his little bowels, poo shot out the top of his nappy and proceeded to run down my thighs and into my shorts and knickers (live in a hot country, spend my life wearing shorts) - he'd finished nursing so after putting my boob away, I leaned him forward to check how bad the damage was only for him to projectile vomit over me. So I was sitting in a big puddle of poo and puke that were leaking into my pants.

I managed to reach into the front seat for my bag only to find that I only had 3 wipes left which I had to tear into strips with my one non-poo covered hand, and attempt to mop the baby up. I had to lie him on the floor to avoid the sick and after 45 minutes, cleaned him up sufficiently to allow me to re-pamper him and put him back in his car seat. I then had to drive home all the while attempting to keep my arse from touching the seat to stop the poo/puke continuing their journey into my butt crack and lady garden. It didn't work - when I got out the car it looked like I'd shit myself.

Since that day, and amongst other gross things, DS has projectile vomited on my face, sneezed a giant booger into my mouth and only last week I walked into his room on MOnday morning to find him playing with his own poo which was scattered about his crib and all over his toys like a Jackson Pollock painting. Bless him, he looked so pleased with himself!

DS was 18 months old, and sitting in his car seat. His bottom 'exploded'. The smell hit me first and I started gagging. He was wearing a nappy I might add. When I stopped and lifted him out of his seat I realised it had overflowed his nappy. It was all up his back, and had poured down the inside of his trousers, all over his new shoes, his seat, and my car. Oh the smell. And I had to keep going till I got him home. The longest 3 minutes of my life. I had to take a black bin liner out to the car to use to carry him up to the bathroom in, as 'D'H would have gone mad at the mess. It must have taken me a good hour to get him, his clothes, car seat, shoes, and my car clean again. Bleurgh!

Thanks Ladies, this thread has immediately improved my mood. So far, my most horrible moment was not the leaky poos or vomit, but when I was changing my 1 year old pooey nappy, I have noticed that she hasn't quite finished and had a soft lump of poo hanging down from her bottom on a string of poo. I had to wipe it gently, because as far she was concerned, she has finished and would gladly walk around with poo stuck in her bottom. Pulling a bit of poo out has made me gag a bit.

Not forgetting the time in June when DH decided to projectile shit up the toilet wall on a trans-atlantic BA flight at 3am. Trying to change a squirming 9 month old in a cublicle that size whilst simultaneously attempting to stop his diorreah from getting over anything else is beyond impossible.

I got back to my seat after 35 minutes and DH says "where were you?" - bastard fucker.

DS3 had a tummy bug and was sleeping on me. We had a full on puke into my cleavage - I just held him close until he was finished and had soaked me in vomit but I'd saved the sofa.

Another time he'd done one of his once weekly poos at my friend's house I 'm too lazy to get the changing mat out and get down on the floor so was changing him on my lap when he farted and I had that 'OMG he's not finished' feeling - with that he projectile pooed into my hands - I was sitting there with him across my lap and a double handful of very liquid breastmilk poo and no idea what to do next, lol