Friday, May 13, 2011

Cats: Can't live with them, can't eat them

Well, truth be told, I could probably eat a cat. They're wiry little critters, with too little meat and too much muscle, but yeah - given enough time in the pot, I could eat one.

But why would I want to? Simple. My daughter's cat is driving me nuts. The only thing that saves its furry little hide is that it saved my daughter's life.

That sounds overly-dramatic, but it's true. When the psycho-ex walked out on us a couple of years ago, my little one was crushed. She didn't like the psycho much more than I did, but desperately wanted a stable family. My girl wanted parents who loved one another.

Truth be told, the psycho-ex and I could barely tolerate one another's presence. I tried, for my daughter's sake. I was polite. I didn't scream, nor rip the skin off the psycho's face. I wanted to, but I didn't. The psycho, on the other hand, began spending more and more time away from home. Overnight and week-long trips were not uncommon. When the psycho left in February 2009, both my daughter and I felt relief. Sure, it's tough taking care of a young one by my lonesome, but it was actually better for us.

Four months later, the divorce papers came. My daughter was crushed. She was glad the psycho was gone, but wanted that stable family. It was around that time that my daughter began pestering me for a cat.

I could see that she needed something in her life. She had a good counselor, but needed something more. I relented. We got the cat - four months old and as sweet as you'd want. My daughter insisted that the cat be an indoor cat, and again, I relented. I prefer outdoor animals, as they don't shit in the house. But like I said: The daughter needed something more than counseling. But therein lies the glitch.

The cat didn't have any feline role models to learn from, and the cat took to chumming around with my then 13-year old dog. The cat picked up dog behavior. That's fine in my dog - part chow, part huskie with a temperament to match - but annoying as hell in a cat.

Flash forward two years. My dog, now 15 years old, is having problems getting around. I have to hold the door open for extended periods to get him in and out of the house. Two days ago, I heard the beating of padded feet as I opened the door for my dog.

Zip! The damn "indoor cat" zoomed out the door as the dog waddled inside.

I hate that cat. I had to tell my daughter that her cat escaped and, no, I didn't know where it went.

Shit. Fuck. Damn.

The cat eventually came back, and I wanted to pluck out its eyes. But my daughter interceded.

When I was a kid I loved the classic vampire stories. As I grew up the stories changed until these days, they’re all about eternal love and how best to woo the heart of a teenage goth chick. Or, as Diana Trees puts it, they’re sparkly. In short, I have come to hate the vampire novel with a passion that rivals the depths of the emo self-pity felt by the average character in said books.

With that said, I happened across Diana Trees on Twitter and was immediately taken by the blurb on her account: “Vampires do not sparkle. They eat people.” How could I not dig deeper after reading that?! And so I did – for $.99 it was worth taking the risk.

I’ll admit I wasn’t sure right off the bat. The story felt a little odd at first, but not in a bad way. It had a nice flow to it and other than 1 or 2 exceptionally minor typos near the end of it, I was very satisfied with the mechanics of it. Sadly that is a rare thing in most interdependently published books, I’m sure even a few syntactical errors exist in some of my own books and those went through a publishing company.

The only problem I had with the book, if you can call it a problem, is how difficult it was for me to establish a rapport with the main character. After all, the main character is a vampire in a more traditional sense. She thinks and feels but she doesn’t pine away for some long lost love who has just been reborn into his or her great great great grandson’s body. The main character feels alien and vicious – and rightly so. Near the end I saw a bigger glimpse into her personal life that opened her up some. It was a good thing that showed character development. It made her feel a little more human without reducing her to glitter and sparkles.

Loved the introduction of some other supernatural beings without reducing it to the same old vampire vs. werewolf crap too. A fine job, Ms. Trees!

But there will be blood – and lots of it. Divine Wine does not lack in the blood and gore fest. I even contacted the author to mention I enjoyed her extremely gory book and she told me she appreciated the feedback and assured me I wasn’t to worry, the next one she’s working on has even more violence. Tuck the kids to bed and read it with the lights on and the doors locked!

It’s a novella and something I finished in a few minutes while waiting for the babysitter to arrive. Get it on Kindle or Nook – I recommend it for anyone who wants to spit in the face of the current trend in undead romanticism!

The paranormal erotica and romance genres have bloomed in recent years, and as anyone will tell you, much of the fare offered up is... well, pretty bland. The werewolves are emo, the vampires sparkle, everyone has flowing tresses and wears a lot of lace. Then comes along Diana Trees with 'Divine Wine', and - joy of joys! - the genre is as it should be. 'This little book is a racy, edgy, gritty grindhouse story, packed with intriguing characters and sexy monsters.

'Divine Wine' a short, sweet and gruesomely entertaining novella depicting the twisted tale of two predators - one human, and one not. The pair engage in a game of cat and mouse around the grimy docklands of New Jersey, culminating in violent confrontations with gang-bangers, innocent bystanders, and a pair of (strangely adorable) bonded ghouls.

I'm not usually a 'vampire person', but I was caught by the vivid depiction of Atlantic City at its seediest, and was helplessly drawn into the story by its atmosphere alone. Diana Trees has excellent pacing and style that makes for a thrilling read, never giving too much away about the characters or the outcome of the book. While possibly too dark for some, its not dark enough to be inaccessible, and if you're after visceral sensuality - the kind found in 'Silence of the Lambs' and 'American Psycho' - you'll probably get a kick out of 'Divine Wine'.

“Divine Wine” by Diana Trees is a fun story for readers that can handle the anti-hero concept with violence taken so far it becomes comical. The lead character seeks out violent criminals and places them in a nightmarish situation with every bit of inhumanity, brutality, and beyond what they gave to their victims. This “Evil meets Evil-er” story, not for the faint of heart, gets the reader laughing as the outrageous creatures have their own agenda outside of human society and are more than happy to bring in new criminals to satisfy their need for entertainment. Congratulations, four stars!