No, it’s not that I secretly despise every last one of you and wouldn’t cross the street to pee on you if you were on fire — though that is, in fact, true. What I want to tell you is that, regarding all this speculation about Beatles, and Yoko, and iPods with cameras and tablet computers with laser beams — enough already. Okay? The bottom line is, you’ll get what we give you, and you’ll like it. No, wait. You’ll love it. You’ll rave about it. We straight on that? Okay, peace. I’m going to go throw a bottle of water at someone.

While you’re waiting for the childlike sense of wonder to begin, here’s something you can ponder: