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Web-only letters to the editor, Dec. 12, 2013

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Thursday December 12, 2013 10:42 AM

Dispatch.com regularly will post letters to the editor that don't make it to print in The
Dispatch. Unlike letters to the editor that appear in the newspaper, Web-only letters have not been
edited.

Spirit of the season

I wonder the efficacy of Bob Grimm's letter of Sunday, December 8th, to the editor titled
Limit white Christmas to Postcards. Dispatch readers may decide who is more petty: Grimm for
writing it, or me for taking time to respond to it.

In his opening sentence after the seasonal bah, humbug greeting Grimm assures us: he is not
like most people. That is the last part of his letter I can be in full agreement with. Is it now
fashionable to publish your list of grievances fearing they may not be spread wide enough by
personal grumpiness throughout one's daily contacts? Perhaps Grimm meant for his letter to be
humorous (my apologies in that case) but lists of woes, perhaps, should be left to David Letterman,
for his Top 10 segment.

Grimm's shot at the one horse open sleigh to Grandmother's house reminded me of H.L.
Mencken's line about his kind: "A cynic is a man whom, when he smells flowers, looks around for a
coffin." Moreover, Grimm is not a tree, unless he is on probation, he can easily move south.
All roads are open. Before I descend into severe sarcasm to fend off Grimm's cynicism let me list a
few things to love about central Ohio.

1. the people, mostly giving and kind

2. Economy and opportunity, location

3. My memories, I have been here for fifty years

4. My family and family by merger thirty years ago

I actually understand Mr. Grimm's feelings, I have felt that way before, but here is what I
have found. Over the years I have found complaining or walking around looking and sounding like you
were weaned on a pickle, robs you (and sometimes others) of their joy. To complain we must think
there is something or somewhere better; or there could be no basis to complain. Maybe, it is insane
to complain about things we cannot change (such as weather).

Mr. Grimm, I wish you a Merry Christmas and receive your bah humbug for what it is to joyful
people (to use your word): an anachronism. Perhaps, like in Dickens's A Christmas Carol, you
will be visited by the three spirits of Central Ohio Christmas: Love, Giving, and Purpose.

Jon Hanson, Etna

Guy talk

IX-NAY on
guys! Enough is enough. So I offer this friendly suggestion to direct sales
people.

This includes those who take orders, accept payment, make deliveries, and generally deal
face-to-face with people who buy things in retail establishments. This particularly includes:
folks who seat guests, waiters, drive-through cashiers, and folks who cash folks out at the
register.

WE ARE NOT GUYS! (Also, of course, we are not sweeties or honeys).

I’m sure it will be a very hard habit to break, as it seems ingrained over many years.
But it is annoying. It sounds insincere. It depersonalizes and debases the retail
transaction.

Alternatives abound. We have a solid personal pronoun, which is, in itself,
adequate. YOU. And there are other words that work, if only to break up the routine.

Instead of “How can I help you guys?” try “How can I help you folks/” or simply, “How can I
help you?”

Drop “You guys come back real soon.” Try simply “Please come back soon.” Definitely
avoid the very awkward “You guys’s order will be right out.” Doesn’t “Your order will be
right out” sound a lot better? Or, “Your order(s) will be out soon.” Yep, definitely
better.

Okay, all you guys to which this applies, raise your right hand and repeat after me: “
I, (your name), do promise that, hereafter, I will not refer to my customers as guys (or as Honey
or Sweetie), so help me, Bob Evans.”

Thanks, Guys.

P.W. (Bill) Miller, Columbus

Ohio State

I respond to Mr. Spencer Waugh's respectfully-written letter, which the Dispatch published
last week under the title, "Land-grant status might affect ranking", which was itself a response to
my letter which you had printed a week earlier under the title, "Michigan on top in important
category".

I quickly skimmed the US News & World Report article in its entirety, hoping to find any
mention of whether and, if so, how the Report's authors might have accounted for Mr. Waugh's
"maybe". I found none.

So, my draft reply suggested that Mr. Waugh couldn't have it both ways: applauding "stiffened
admissions standards" on main campus, while still embracing open admissions at lesser
campuses. I should mention that the main campus was the only "OSU" I had envisioned myself
attending, had I accepted either of two offers from OSU to study for the PhD there. I also
suspect that the main campus is where most football player sightings occur.

But, then I saw today's Dispatch article headlined, "Ohio State’s pricey research fails to
generate much income". The Dispatch wrote “[OSU] remains last among the Big Ten schools in
generating income from its research despite increased efforts to turn more university discoveries
into marketable products and ideas." That's what I'm talkin' about!!

I take little pleasure in drawing these additional facts to Mr. Waugh's attention. But,
I'd hope Ohio's taxpayers would be embarrassed to find that their leaders had lulled them into
accepting such low ranking in academics, even with a still high BCS ranking -- which seriously
undermines Mr. Waugh’s argument.