Wednesday, August 06, 2008

The New York Post is reporting that Jenna Jameson is pregnant with the child of her oaf, meat head husband UFC champ Tito Ortiz which means we’re in for a really interesting celebrity body cocoon type thing again – just like there was with Nicole Ritchie. Oh, Christ, there I go typing her pointless name again. Oh well. No wonder I’m so exhausted.

Meanwhile – the last time I saw Jenna Jameson was at Fashion Week and, with the exception of her mallard beak like lips, she looked so ridiculously out of proportion thin that her legs looked like breakable twigs atop a body that was like a shrink wrapped skeleton. A little while before that she was on the plane I took to Vienna and she had to basically be carried she was so thin. Oh well, as long as she’s not unsightly and fat – who cares what she does to her body. So, yeah, if you wanted to sum up her body it was basically an abstract sculpture prop tree with fat lips.

Where is the baby going to go? I mean, what is the baby going to use as nourishment as well? Probably her thin flesh and any fluids squishing around beneath it I’d guess. Yeah, that feels normal and healthy.

Just like I rationally did with Nicole Ritchie’s baby, I’m going to predict that the baby inside Jenna Jameson will grow and grow and finally turn its mother’s body into a mere cocoon type skin that it will burst through. It didn’t EXACTLY end up the way I described with Nicole Ritchie but it was near enough. Near enough for me to not feel weird or wrong about it.

So, yeah, Jameson’s knocked up, meat head husband, the kid’ll be a weirdo – probably will end up a Catholic mathematician except with blonde hair. [source]

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About Me

Matt Phillp is an Australian writer who lives in the eye of the hurricane in Brooklyn, New York. He writes about people and the arbitrary nature of culture. Because the world is a complicated place. It's weird.