Understand Men. Find Love.

Menu

Evan Marc Katz on Good Day LA on Monday, August 3rd

Just wanted to let you know that I’m returning to Good Day LA on Monday, August 3rd, to offer a special first date quiz for women. I’m not sure if I’m going to get to answer all 6 questions – such is the nature of roundtable discussion on live TV – but it should be a fun conversation.

In fact, in case I don’t get to it, I’m going to give you one of the questions here – and ask for your thoughts in the comments.

It’s the end of the night. You had a really good time with this guy and while the chemistry isn’t electric, you think he’s cute and you’d like to see him again. He goes in for the kiss and you kiss him, even though you’re not exactly sure how you feel. Good move? True or false?

I’m sure it will somehow devolve into a discussion about feminism, money and stereotypical gender roles, but hopefully, we can keep it light.

Comments:

1

vino

“It’s the end of the night. You had a really good time with this guy and while the chemistry isn’t electric, you think he’s cute and you’d like to see him again. He goes in for the kiss and you kiss him, even though you’re not exactly sure how you feel. Good move? True or false?

I’m sure it will somehow devolve into a discussion about feminism, money and stereotypical gender roles, but hopefully, we can keep it light.”

– OMG you mean he paid for….and those damn feminist…

Ah, I’m just joshing.

Really, my experience is that women generally decide on good chemistry or none in about 5 minutes. Putting aside all of the other stuff regarding how nice you are, smart, blah blah blah…

Honestly, it sounds lukewarm. That said, she should kiss him. It’s a date, for crying out loud. You need not know exactly you feel. Maybe the kiss will rock, maybe it won’t. Isn’t that part of the intrigue of dating?

I agree and disagree with Vino. Yes women usually decide 5 seconds in whether or not there is an attraction but where I disagree is that I don’t think you should kiss them. Kissing this person gives mixed signals which can end poorly for everyone if on the second date you realize you just aren’t interested.
.-= Amanda’s last blog ….You tell em grrrlll =-.

Question is, what type of a kiss are we talking about? A peck on the cheek? Yes, that’s acceptable. A peck on the lips? Possibly, but I feel it might be forcing things. Especially if we’re talking about a guy you’ve met for the first time, and the two of you have no other connection in real life. A French kiss? Absolutely not. I guess I’m old-fashioned but Frenching a guy on our first date is definitely moving too quickly when I’ve never met the guy before.

Probably not a good idea. I think a handshake or hug after a first date is more appropriate and only a kiss when you do know you are feeling some chemistry and even then, not at the end of the first date.

A-L, you’re not old fasioned in the least. I agree definately no French kiss. “While the chemistry isn’t electric”…that indicates some chemistry so I might allow a peck on the cheek. I had a similar situation where the conversation was good and he was a nice guy, but no physical chemistry at all (at least on my part). He leaned to kiss me and I turned my head so he brushed my cheek. I felt awkward an uncomfortable. I’m not sure how he felt, embarassed, maybe.

Hey the kiss could turn the tide. Unless you are positive you don’t want to see him again, give it a go. Start with a peck and if it’s good, try something a little more adventurous. What is a turnoff though is a guy giving you a tongue kiss first thing. Give us a chance to decide, otherwise it’s probably bye bye.

I disagree with some of the comments above. I think it is possible for the attraction to develop further over time for women as he gets to know him better even though the first night was not electric. And what a better way to test the potential for there to be something more than with a kiss, and to see how you feel about it. By giving a kiss (to cheek, to lips, or a french one) certainly does not have to mean that you have now committed your-self for something more.

And to Evan’s latest question (number #7), I think a woman would feel like a fool. But I hope you are not asking that question to try make a woman feel obligated to give a kiss if they don’t feel like it.
.-= Mikko Kemppe’s last blog ….Why Are Women Often Attracted To Bad Guys? =-.

If you think he’s cute and you already know that you’d be interested in a second date, I’d say there’s enough potential chemistry there to warrant a good night kiss. And I agree with Carol it might turn the tide from lukewarm to warm.

I’m not a proponent of a handshake at the end of the night, though. Unless there’s absolutely zero interest/spark/connection — but even so…it’s a date, not a business meeting!

I can’t believe I’m about to say this because I consider myself a feminist… but screw feminism! If you think the guy is cute, you had a really good time, you want to see him again, AND he initiates the kiss, then definitely absolutely kiss him back. Even if you’re not sure how you feel. It doesn’t have to be tongue thrusting passion. It can be a staid goodbye kiss. Above all you don’t want to give him the impression that you’re not interested. Remember, this is a guy you want to see again. He’ll feel awful if you don’t return the kiss and I bet he won’t call you for a 2nd date.

Evan, #7
I’d feel embarrassed or that I blew it by moving too fast. I may even chastise myself for not reading him correctly…all reasons why I don’t think going in for a kiss following a first date is a good idea.

If a woman agrees to date #2 and #3 a guy is better off waiting until the end of one of those to make his move. Unless he is completely oblivious he should be able to read her body language by then to determine when it will be not only welcome but wanted.

In regards to Evan’s #7 I’d assume that he either wasn’t into me or that I was rushing him. From that point on I would not do anything physical before he initiated it.

But for me it’s so much more fun to have a bit more of a wait, get to know them more, and have some anticipation build. That’s when I want to become more physically passionate, even if that’s only on the second date. But if a guy tries too much on the first date, he ruins it for me.

Based on what EMK says:
“You had a really good time with this guy and while the chemistry isn’t electric, you think he’s cute and you’d like to see him again.”

If the guy is really cute and I had fun.. Sure, why not a kiss to the lips when he tries it.
If he tries deepen it by pushing his tongue to my mouth, then I would decline to meet him again, since I don’t see the point of meeting someone who wants to share his influenza virus with me without making sure that I am so attractive to him that I would allow it.

If a cute guy wants to test waters if I want to see him again – ok..
If a cute guy wants to push it – then he is way over his head, and he doesn’t seem to understand that he hasn’t earned enough credit to infect me with his saliva.

And no, I am not really worried about swine influenza – I just don’t want to kiss with strangers when there is always some flu etc going around.
I have learned it once the hard way after being in a flu for a week. I don’t even remember the guy, who pushed to kiss me, but I do remember that after that I made a decision that I will NOT french kiss someone with whom when eating I wouldn’t share my fork comfortably with.

And sorry #9 Mikko, I disagree. You understand this – potaskaa!

If you have had a date with a guy, and there is no spark – then it is better to cut it short, and find someone who is interesting and interested.

I made that mistake based on other peoples advice – advice like you gave there.
I dated a guy but we had no spark to beging with, I learned to care for him, but only to “care” for him – and it was over in 2 years with acrimony from his side and he had to revenge that the fact that I never fell for him…
Couple other times, I have tried that pool again because the guys really wanted to try and pushed for it.. Both of those guys were my good friends – but no, it didn’t work in the sack either.
Luckily with those two we still can be friends – no tensions left from that time, but it could have ended as bad as the first time.

So as often as this subject comes up I say – it is IRRESPONSIBLE to say that women should reconsider, when they don’t feel like attraction. Some women may be like what you say.. – but others may be like me, who really KNOW.
and like EMK says, “as valuable as your options”
In short what is worse for a woman-
a. to be free and alone when relatively young to try with someone interesting who comes along, or
b. to be tied for years to someone whose closeness feels suffocating, be damaged by that, and all important youth gone to dead end relationship as it ends with bitterness?
Often the latter women are the ones who leave after children have flown from nest, and men are left thinking “what the hell happened, we were ok” – when they never had it to begin with.

What I don’t understand (when there are so many men and women around) why dating counselors advice women to waste time with guy with whom there is no chemistry. Considering that you are wasting man’s time too and stopping that guy from finding the right person for him.

It is better for both that they find someone with whom they are really compatible with, and who thinks they are lucky to find someone so wonderful.

“…while the chemistry isn’t electric, you think he’s cute and you’d like to see him again. He goes in for the kiss and you kiss him, even though you’re not exactly sure how you feel. Good move?”

I think it is a good move. I would become more attracted to a “cute” guy who was bold enough to try to kiss me; that would mean that he probably liked me too, and it would put a nice note on the end of a date. A simple kiss on the lips is harmless and sweet – the woman has the power to pull away before it gets any deeper (if it does), if that is what she wants. For a first date, I wouldn’t go any further than that if there was no electric chemistry.

To Evan, there have been guys I wanted to kiss, but I wouldn’t dream of trying to initiate this. It doesn’t feel like the appropriate move for me to make in the early stages. If he wants to kiss me, and we seem to click, then I’d be willing to within reason on a first date. A simple kiss to show I’m still interested; no tongue lashing. And a simple kiss can sometimes create more anticipation than no kiss at all.

I can’t imagine ending even the worst date with just a handshake. I feel a hug is warranted, even if just a half hearted one armed hug, for someone that i’ve presumably shared a meal with who didn’t shoot any puppies with bb guns while on the date.

If i felt like i could even possibly be attracted but was on the fence, i would let a guy kiss me on the lips, wouldn’t be comfortable with tongue though and would not let it get there.

the last guy I went out with that I knew I wasn’t feeling physically i just had to turn my cheek. Felt bad, but couldn’t picture kissing him. And he was pushing for a kiss , which annoyed me.

The thing that annoys me most is when a guy seems to assume a kiss on the lips is a given. A kiss really isn’t a big deal to me, but i don’t appreciate the assumption.

There’s kissing and there’s kissing. If it’s tongued throatwrangling and accompanied by pelvic grinding it is probably a bad idea. If you can keep it light and breezy then it still might not be a good idea, but it’s not a terrible one, and might be preferable to the alternative.
.-= casualencounters.com/blog’s last blog ….Weekly Roundup Top 10 Casual Sex Links from Around the Web =-.

When I get a peck or a handshake I get the message that he’s not interested. If I get a hug, similar feelings. If he moves in the kiss, I let him kiss me. I he wants to do a little (I said little) tongue and I am feelin it because the kiss was nice, I will go with the flow. Then pull away and leave him breathless with sparkley eyes. Especially if I think he’s cute! Folk on here need to ease up and enjoy themselves!

“A peck on the cheek?!?!? A handshake?!? A peck anything, for that matter. How about the old ass out hug?

I gotta tell ya, that is the nonverbal equivalent to saying I have zero attraction and am doing this to be polite & not hurt your feelings.”

Vino, There have been maybe 3 men who I met online, gone out with for the first time, spent 2 hours with and said goodnight with a handshake. THIER move, not mine. I wouldn’t shove my hand out there as I always think a hug is nice and have at times even wanted a kiss. I let the man make the move and thankfully, have not had to turn my head at the last minute.

These ‘handshake’ men wanted to see me again and the kiss came at the end of date #2.

I was fine with it, in fact I got to look forward to date #2 with the goodnight kiss in the back of my mind and the anticipation was nice. I said it before, what is the rush? If people want to kiss at the end of the first date, I certainly don’t think it’s wrong but it shouldn’t be expected.

As in the example, the girl wasn’t sure how she felt but ‘did it anyway’. Sure, maybe doing it anyway would spare his feelings and maybe give her insight to her own, but I prefer to WANT to kiss someone not just go with it because he expected it.

If a woman wants to be kissed and you don’t kiss her she will assume you don’t like her. She will usually not say anything. You will have missed out. She will also feel let down if she gets a peck on the cheek or an otherwise sucky kiss.

“If a woman wants to be kissed and you don’t kiss her she will assume you don’t like her. She will usually not say anything. You will have missed out.”

Missed out on what? The first kiss is still to come. Even if she thinks ‘he’s just not that into me’ in the moment, when you call for another date, if she likes you, she will be happy to be proven wrong.
Then you both still have the kiss to look forward to. It may even be better because you will have had more time spent getting to know each other and for chemistry to grow.

“If a man wants to be kissed and you don’t kiss her he will assume you don’t like him. He will usually not say anything. You will have missed out.

Missed out on what? The first kiss is still to come. Even if he thinks she’s just not that into me in the moment, when you call for another date, if she likes you, she will be happy to be proven wrong.
Then you both still have the kiss to look forward to. It may even be better because you will have had more time spent getting to know each other and for chemistry to grow.”

– Huh??? A couple of points. If she likes you, she SHOULD kiss you. I think most guys don’t mind a bit of coyness, but not even a kiss? What is this, 1875? As the pursuer in this scenario, a kiss or the kiss is how you know hings are moving forward. No kiss, no pursuit. And if you’re gonna make me work that hard for a bloody kiss….

– I’d rather spend my efforts where I know there is chemistry and she wants to show it too. There are more than enough women out there not to play such mundane, outdated games.

Happy Clients

"Being able to check in with Evan each week was like a safety net to give this a go."

I also discovered that I could attract a ton of quality men, in no time at all, if I needed to go back out there. It's a relief to know I have options. But really, I'm very, very much in love. THIS is the relationship I want, and I have it!

Morgana R.

"Give the guy a chance to prove he might have what you need for a satisfying relationship."

I am a firm believer in dating at least 4 seasons and we are already in our 3rd season of love. We have discussed marriage and will revisit the idea this October.

Connie D.

"Now I feel empowered and I am glad to be free of him, to find the one who will love me without question."

I learned, through reading “Why He Disappeared”, that because of the fact that he did not commit to me, I really didn't want him back. I realized that I needed to find the man who would love me unconditionally for who I am, not for who he wanted me to be.

Kim M.

“You opened my eyes to the fact that my boyfriend left because he didn’t love me unconditionally.”

I am in such a better place today because of your insights and inspirational guidance. I was so stuck on getting him back, but now I realize that I don’t want him back! I deserve someone who will love me unconditionally, no matter what.

Ana C.

"I'm getting to know and like men with an entirely new perspective."

I feel more confident and relaxed and I'm not even sure it matters if I meet the one. I have a whole new way to enjoy life and enjoy having men in my life.