Last week, for her first assignment in TK, Fable completed an "About Me" portrait. It was the same "About Me" that Archer completed at that age and most likely the same one I did as well. And Hal. And my parents... Questions like, "what is your favorite color?" and "What is your favorite food?" and "What is your favorite television show?" and "What is your favorite favorite to favorite?"

And I realized as I looked over Fable's answers that the only question that said anything about her true self was the question she didn't properly answer.

And everything suddenly made sense.

And then didn't make any sense at all.

Our young children are inventing worlds out of egg cartons and making dresses for their dolls out of rubber bands and we're asking them mindless the-opposite-of-thought-provoking questions so that they may answer them and represent themselves with words like "pink" and "ice cream."

Wouldn't it be amazing if the questions we asked our children were inspired? Complex? Or at the very least, interesting?

Our children are alive with creativity. Their imaginations are full of treasures -- their hearts are wide open. Their minds are looking for ways to expand.

Surely such generic questions can't be helpful to a child who is developing his/her own sense of self. Playing favorites with things that have nothing to do with their heads and hearts, their wonderful little free spirits...

So then why are we asking our kids such generic (limiting!) questions? Why are we tip-toeing around the creative bits?

I like to think that lines are drawn as much for the purpose of coloring outside of them. That rules are taught with the notion that it's okay to break some of them. Maybe even most of them.

And yet, it's hard to see beyond a row of self-portraits that portray nothing.

***

ED: This article may have nothing to do with what I'm writing about but I just read it after taking a break from writing this post, so I felt it belonged here somewhere. Especially this:

And maybe I'm overreacting. Perhaps these simple questions help children learn to problem solve, make choices, understand their preferences without overwhelming them. Perhaps some people do feel defined by their favorite foods, shows, colors, and who am I to judge that?

But there is so much more to our children and to us and to everyone and I am suddenly feeling very protective of all that limitlessness. It's beautiful when it runs off the page and up the wall.

Because while choice can be empowering, asking someone to make a choice based on "close your eyes and pick one" criteria seems pointless and counter-intuitive. Not to mention the fact that playing favorites with food and books and even television shows paves the way for picking favorite friends and thinking it's okay to discard what isn't as glamorous on paper... Who's your favorite person to sit next to at lunch and eat food with? What's your favorite hair color? Eye color? Skin color?

Playing favorites is not what I call an exercise in self-expression.

Besides, I challenge anyone to argue that there is a better color out there than rainbow.