Welcome to my bloggy home. Here, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry warmhearted tears, get silly, and be naughty. Together, we'll uncover morsels of sweetness in the light and dark. You'll leave craving chocolate. That's a given. I'm a bad influence. Oy vey, am I a bad influence! {But I do recommend fair trade and organic varieties.} Please enjoy the samples, and may you fast become addicted. I hope you'll return again and again. Then once more.

One Rainbow Tribe in an Orange World (but only for now).

Thursday, August 29, 2013

Don't get the wrong idea about me. I still have chocolate wine in my fridge, left over from my birthday in June. Hm, I wonder if that's why it tastes like toxic vinegar now. (?) At any rate, I'm continuing the search for really good chocolate alcohol. Because if you're gonna mix the two, the product should be doubly divine.

Today, I'm reviewing two chocolate wines that a couple of friends helped sample.

1) Chocolate Shop's "chocolate lover's red wine". My summary: "Meh!" It's alright but not so good. I couldn't detect the chocolate, nor could I detect sweet red wine. It's a bit watered down and unmemorable. But it costs too much and is too pretty to NOT deliver. In other words, don't buy this one. I paid almost $15 for it. I give it a 4, and I'm being generous. My friends felt the same. One serving was plenty.

2) ChocoVine - a chocolate red wine made in Holland. Doesn't it look lovely and delicious? Yeah, I was fooled by this one too. I also paid a good chunk of change: nearly $12. We agreed it tastes just like Kahlua and cream. I love Kahlua and cream, but this one's marketed as a Dutch delicacy. No fair! I was disappointed yet again, but had no problems finishing that bottle. It does taste good, but it's not what it appears. I give this one a 6.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Welcome to Chico, CA, for another edition of Sundays in My City, hosted by the ever-gracious UnknownMami. Visit her site to tour bloggers' hometowns across the globe.

If you grew up watching Sesame Street, you might remember the game, "One of These Things." We're playing that today. It's basically a test to determine if you're alive and breathing, even for a 3 year old. (I don't want you to work too hard today.) Can you tell which Chico horse doesn't belong with the others?

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Please enjoy the following excerpt from my novel, Woman on the Verge of Paradise, due for release some time in the future.
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Perched on a sun-warmed spot of stone overlooking the cliffs at Pirates' Cove, Negril Jamaica, I was privy to an influx of magnificent sights. While this “no worries” isle boasts resplendent scenes, one specimen instantaneously claimed top of my list. A seasoned diver, he leapt from steep cliffs and floated downward in elegantly angled positions, landing with equal grace and poise in the welcoming ocean 40 feet below.

Returning from his fifth magnificent dive, the man arrived on land and began strolling past me but halted. He turned to eye me and I reciprocated. I couldn’t help it. He appeared a delicious chunk of dark chocolate sculptured by Michelangelo, radiating sun rays from the most intimate of crevices and dressed with black spandex for public viewing.

“Hi, I’m Donovan.” He extended a hand.

“I, hi, I’m Robyn.”

“Come with me.” Like a puppy in heat, I pranced behind.

Focused on the subtle shifting of his tight buttocks, I followed as Donovan led me down a metal ladder into an underwater cave. We landed in an active, chilly ocean, sheltered atop and along the sides by dark stone walls that opened up to a glorious view of the fading blue sky streaked with yellows, oranges and reds. The waves nudged me, as I fought to secure my footing. Donovan planted himself in deeper water and I inched closer to him amid brief flirtations.

“No husband or boyfriend?”

“No, I came here alone, just to get away. The last one was crazy.”

“Did you make him crazy?” He teased.

“I don’t think so. I mean, I’m sure I didn’t.” Probably.

By this time we stood facing each other, little room in-between. With waves crashing against the rock, sun resting in the backdrop, and the titillating grazing of our warming bodies, Donovan’s juicy lips savored mine. I relaxed into the dreamlike moment, enjoying his luscious kisses and the touch of his fingertips moving gently up and down my back.

I would never join #1 because I find arrogance - especially when combined with misuse of the apostrophe - rather ugly.

1) The How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Way's Blogfest! A word from the host: So, like, okay. Its super hard, but I'm going to list only 101 reason's why I'm awes'ome. Then you get to read it. Cuz like everyone want's to join my blog and I don't return follows becau'se you are totally lucky to find me and I am really cool like that. Want to know more? Hit me up with ques'tions'. Ask away. Hee hee.

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The next one, I'd never join because I've had it with the word "meme."Stop it, people! Do you go around saying "meme" at work or in your living room? I didn't think so, so quit using it in blogland! You don't even know what "meme" means, you use it incorrectly, and it doesn't make you sound cool. Not at all.

A blogfest for people with no tolerance for those who face mental health problems.

Now, I'm shifting gears to a more serious tone. Gary dedicates himself wholeheartedly to breaking the stigma of mental illness. Since this is Gary Day, I want to draw attention to this critical issue through personal disclosure.

Mental illness has plagued my life for years, and it runs intersect with my career path. Many years ago, a family member, who had always been very sensitive and mild-mannered, was overcome by psychosis and voices (auditory hallucinations). He was diagnosed with schizophrenia.* I've also worked with sweet and gentle clients who were tormented daily by voices telling them to harm themselves and others. The former love of my life, too, combated a slew of mental health problems, none of which he acknowledged --due to societal stigma and his own stubborn pride.

Further, I've battled depression throughout my life. It's under control now, but its vengeance strikes unexpectedly. Despite or perhaps because of this, I am able to laugh and smile. Depression doesn't necessarily have a permanently sad face attached to it. In fact, it usually doesn't.

I know I'm not alone in this; writers and artists are sensitive types. I've read a number of posts and comments about depression. It's on the rise and ever-rising, here in blogland and across the globe. So too are all forms of mental illness and mental health issues.

What can we do but support each other, speak/write through it, and lend a voice to Gary's fight?!

Thank you, Gary, for being an inspiration. Keep up the fight. We love you, and we love your hate for blogfests.

Thank you, dear readers, for your contributions to this fest, for hopping around, and/or for being willing to go dark with me for a moment. I appreciate it.

Keep faith, a smile, and a side of chocolate.

*Despite what most think, schizophrenia does not involve multiple
personalities. Multiple Personality Disorder does, and both are
horrendous conditions that a person develops through NO FAULT of their
own.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Founded by none other than Captain Ninja Alex,
the IWSG provides a venue to express writerly insecurities and/or offer
words of encouragement. Join us, if you' haven't already. All
that's required is an insecurity or two hundred.

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Robyn walks onto the stage wearing baggy sweatpants, flip-flops, and a raggedy T-shirt that reads, "I'm not pregnant. I just really love chocolate!"Get pumped, ladies and gentlemen! Exercise diva extraordinaire, best known for her fierce training tactics on The Biggest Loser, Jillian Michaels, is here! Let's welcome her! All the men in the audience throw their shirts off and start flexing. The women, enraged, take sledge hammers to their bathroom scales - which they happened to have brought with them - and leave the studio in tears.

Jillian runs out towards Robyn, dressed as so:

google images

Robyn:Thank you f--

Jillian: shouts angrily at Robyn.. Drop and give me 20!

A shaking Robyn drops onto the floor, reaches for her purse, and scrambles to find a 20 dollar bill. She stands up and extends her arm towards Jillian's tight shorts, as if prepping to place the bill in them. Jillian snatches it away and throws it at Robyn.No, you stupid b*tch! Give me 20 push-ups.

Robyn:Oh, no problem.Robyn moves her hand up her shirt, appearing to reach into her bra, and pulls out a Vosges Milk Chocolate Bacon Bar. Here, hold this first.She hands it to Jillian.Jillian takes and then drops the chocolate, disgusted as ever. Twenty minutes and two commercial breaks later, Robyn's done. She's sweating profusely but smiling with pride.

Jillian:You disgust me!

Robyn:Really, cuz I was hoping to - you know - give you a good workout.Robyn winks at Jillian. She eyes Jillian's abs, and then her cleavage.

Jillian:Get to work!

Robyn: Oh, okay. Well, I asked you here for the IWSG, 'cuz I'm feeling insecure about my lack of energy. I haven't had any since, well, since I was in my twenties. Like decades ago.Robyn chuckles and attempts to stifle her tears.So I'm, I'm just rarely motivated and focused enough to get any solid writing done. But you've cranked out a bunch of books, screamed people into shape for years on end, and you seem to always be energetic. And you're pushing 40, though we wouldn't know it b*tch! Do you have any words of wisdom to share with us?

Jillian: You gotta sweat. You gotta work really, really hard. Do you think I looked this great all my life?

Robyn: Yes.

Jillian:You're right, but that's just me. Everyone else needs to work their ass off! Don't give up. Look at all the losing winners on my show. They had a goal, pushed and pushed, and they achieved it. Pretend I'm shouting in your ear, if you need to. Just keep at it!

Robyn's distracted by Jillian's well-defined calves, and then she sees her chocolate bar behind Jillian's feet. Her eyes widen.Well, that's all the time we have. Thanks. See ya. She directs Jilliantowards the exit. Jillian grunts and darts off. Robyn grabs the bacon flavored chocolate bar, rips off the wrapping and starts devouring it. The credits start to roll.

Monday, August 5, 2013

I. Today, the lovely L. Diane at Spunk on a Stickhas given me the spotlight. Feel free to visit her, and read what I have to say about self-publishing.

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II.Reminder: We're only one week away from the silliest blogfest in the history of silly blogfests, The Anti-Blogfest Gary Fest!

Thanks to those of you who already signed up! If you don't know Gary, he's a very nice guy, despite the prison-lineup shot above. You can find him at Klahanie. Gary hates blogfests, so this one's in his honor. It's going to be packed with playfulness, and it may even be therapeutic for many. (Gary's not the only blogfest-hater.) So even if you don't know him, I encourage you to join the party.

The rules:
Create the titles of three PG-13 blogfests you would never join,
and then add a descriptive sentence or two.

I admit, Reality TV has merit. At least it did once. At work, I sometimes get have to watch TV with my clients. They were watching a reality show called House of Joy. On it, the woman (whose name I assume is Joy) was teaching her daughter to sing "Jesus Loves Me" as a surprise for the girl's brother's birthday party. The little girl was adorably bubbly and sang beautifully, while Joy played the piano. Though Joy didn't seem impressed, she told her daughter she'd practiced enough. Then the girl wanted to change things up.

"How 'bout we change the words," she said to her mom. "How 'bout 'Jesus loves...chocolate?'" She beamed with pride at this suggestion. I wanted to swoop her up through the TV screen, hug, and then adopt her. Joy, however, was worried that her brilliant daughter was going to ruin her son's party. Lighten up, lady! It's just chocolate!

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Hello! Welcome to Chico, CA for another edition of Sundays in My City. UnknownMamihosts this wonderful tour of bloggers' hometowns. Visit her site to visit the world.

When I asked the store's young employee why town mascot, Du Pont, is sporting zebra garb, she said, "because it's cool." Can't argue with that. She added, "It's his favorite color." Can argue with that, but I didn't, because it's cool.

Remember the pumpkin from last Halloween that looked like this in June?

It looked like this last week and has finally been laid to rest in a nearby trash bin.

Can you name this bird? Over a dozen were hovering on branches of trees along Honey Run Road, where Chico borders Paradise.

Wait, I can't let you leave without showing you something pretty.

If you're a facebook friend, you've seen this photo. I probably also posted these roses here before. They just do so well to compensate for less pleasant sights.