Juli:I’m confused by nearly every example here, except the Eagles, who are suitably boring.

Bruce: Well, as a baby-boomer, he has to like the Beatles. It would just be weird if he didn’t. Even George W. Bush liked the Beatles, the pre-druggy stuff. If Romney admitted not liking the Beatles, that would prove he was a pod person. What do you think about the Randy Travis choice? Isn't he one of those guys who does one of those “America—Fuck Yeah!” songs?

Juli:I think so? But not an ironic “America—Fuck Yeah” song! You made a good point earlier, pre-chat, that the Randy Travis name-drop was a clumsy attempt to appeal to the Republican base. I think this makes sense: Randy Travis is a sonic synonym for “the sound pickup-truck tires make when a man is pulling into the driveway after a good honest day’s work in the American South.” I wonder what Beatles Romney tolerates—probably, like, “Octopus’s Garden.”

Bruce: I wonder if, when he’s home alone, he turns off the lights, puts on “Nowhere Man,” and weeps softly to himself.

Juli:I bet he gets really stoned and listens to “I Want You” super loudly. No, just kidding, definitely “Octopus’s Garden.” So, what’s most interesting to you about this list, Bruce?

Bruce: The outliers seem like Roy Orbison and the Killers. Orbison’s great, but nowadays he’s not quite the household name the others are. And even though he had huge hits, like “Pretty Woman,” I think he’s a surprisingly cool choice for Romney. I don’t really know the Killers, but aren't they almost the perfect band to cite if you were trying to seem cool to voters under the age of 40 or so? Like not awful, not offensive, not indie-weird, sort of the modern-day equivalent of Grand Funk Railroad or something?

Juli: Oh! I have an answer. Per The Boston Globe: “Brandon Flowers, the lead singer of The Killers, is a fellow Mormon. Romney had lunch with him earlier this year in Las Vegas, and it’s not a stretch to imagine him singing at campaign rallies next year should Romney win the G.O.P. nomination.”

Bruce:Oh, I got the comparison wrong, then. The Killers are more like the new Osmonds?

Juli:Ha! They’re like the Osmonds got locked in Urban Outfitters for a few years and came out a little worse for wear.

Bruce: Scruffy, canned-hip Osmonds. I like that.

Juli:Exactly . . . except they're all men and I don't think any of them are related. But still: Osmonds all the way.

Bruce: And not to flog the Beatles thing, but I was also going to say that Romney kind of is the Walrus.

Juli: Romney is so the Walrus. Do you think if you play Abbey Road backwards it contains all his condescending debate answers?

Bruce: The “Number 9, Number 9” thing sounds more like Herman Cain. Bud-da-bump.

Juli:Nice. Bruce, can you explain to me, a child of the 80s, why Roy Orbison is a cool, cred-building choice? My first instinct was a cruel, teenage snicker.

Bruce: Sure. You probably only know him from the Traveling Wilbury’s (goofy) and “Pretty Woman” being overused on movie soundtracks. Orbison was originally on Sun Records, a rockabilly guy. But then in the early 60s he started making these amazing, beautifully orchestrated pop records that kind of bridge that gap between classic rock and roll, country, and Sinatra-style pop. (All things to all people, I could see why Mitt would like that.) Also, he has this amazing, piercing voice that's really one of the singular voices in American pop. Listen to “Crying” or “Only the Lonely.” “Pretty Woman” aside, there’s a real haunting melancholy to a lot of Orbison’s music that I could imagine might appeal to a man who’s acutely, painfully aware of his own hollowness, as I like to imagine Mitt is. That is, when I’m imagining he has a soul at all. Roy Orbison also had a defiantly dorky haircut his whole life, so props to him for that, too. Seriously, go listen to “Crying” on Spotify and tell me what you think.

Juli:Listening now! . . . Ha! Uh, is Roy Orbison the lead singer for Jay and the Americans?! It’s great but it sounds like Jay and the Americans! It’s "Cara Mia."

Bruce: Hmmm, yeah. Not to dump on Jay and the Americans, but the arrangement to “Crying” is a little cheesier than I remembered. But that voice? Like when he gets all falsetto singing “cry-y-y-ying over you,” that doesn’t slay you?

Juli:It does, but I have a well-documented though no less embarrassing weakness for 1960s pop groups with falsetto-prone lead male vocalists.

Bruce: It’s hard to think of what music Mitt should like. I mean, techno, ha ha. But in reality, that’s too druggy. And if he said the Osmonds or Up with People, even Newt would laugh at him. The more I think about it, the more I think his list is pretty much perfectly, brilliantly unassailable. Touches many demographic bases. Nothing too cool, nothing too square. It’s almost . . . sinisterly unassailable.