Thursday, January 10, 2013

The 12 month wrap up...

Well here we are 3 months on from our last post in a new year and with time to reflect on the events of the last 12 months. We hope you all had a relaxing Christmas and ate way too much like we did. We headed to Bali just before Christmas for another one of those "much needed" breaks following continued uncertainty around rationalisation of public sector spending as well as another negative result in early November.

Here's a few snaps!

Good Ol Bintang, the local brew

Traditional Indonesian boat in sea near our hotel

GB - walking back to the hotel from Legian

Brilliant sunset on the west coast of Bali

While we were away, we discussed and reflected quite a lot the events of the last 12 months. It was around this time last year that we decided which clinic we were going to go with and started the process of arranging blood tests, paperwork and financing.

It was a time filled with excitement and possibilities. A year on and those words of our first post back in May are all as true as they were back then.

"....I (and my partner) expect it
be frustrating, expensive, exhilarating, stressful and emotional. But
above all life changing."

It was and still is. I guess to some degree you expect the good with the bad, with equal measures of emotional ups and downs. I can't say that has really been our experience over the last year; with a larger amount of disappointment and stress than exhilaration and happiness. It has been life changing, but probably not in the way we had expected. Knowing what we do now, I realise how naive we were going into the situation and how many things we would change if we were starting over. Of course this only comes with experience, hindsight and a shit load of money being spent. We really expected that in a few short weeks we'd be doing the baby pick up in March/April. 3 transfers on and we're no closer to that goal.

We have followed a number of blogs concurrently with our journey, with the vast majority of bloggers now preparing nurseries, buying little people clothes, planning baby showers and on their way back to India to pick up their babies. I can't lie and say that we're not jealous or don't feel a twinge of disappointment when we read these blogs, but simultaneously it does provide us with the hope that it may happen to us one day. I know it sounds terrible, but what makes it worse are those who started well after us and are already posting ultrasounds and sharing positive HCG results. When I thought it would be an emotional journey,these were not the emotions I was hoping to have!

So, again we dust ourselves off and go for round 4 in a few weeks time. We have a very definitive plan should we not get some positive news. Complicating the situation now is the enforcement of the visa issue now presenting itself following a letter sent by the Police to all ART clinics on the 17th December 2012. The letter essentially states that unless you've been married for at least 2 years (same sex marriage excluded) ART clinics should not be accepting clients for surrogacy. The reason being, surrogacy should be undertaken on a 'medical visa'. Medical visas approved in relation to surrogacy are only provided to those who have been married for greater than 2 years. Until now, most single people (straight, gay, male, female) would travel on 'tourist visas' - without issue. The letter from the police has requested that all ART clinics provide client details (passport no's, addresses, names etc) and may be charged or fined if they are found to be accepting clients who don't meet the conditions of the letter. For the uninformed, the real problem arises when parents go to the police to obtain an exit visa for their newborn. At this point, the police ask to see any number of documents, including the parents' passports and the visa they are travelling on. Now the problem is, the visa crackdown conflicts with law which permits people except gay people to undertake surrogacy (gay males usually identify as 'single' males for the purposes of surrogacy). So two things will resolve this - the law changes to reflect the eligibility of visas or the visa eligibility changes to reflect the law. Or, both agencies puff their chests, and the situation reverts back to the way it was. People who aren't married for more than 2 years travel on tourist visas.

I guess if we are successful with this transfer, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But this is India we're talking about and the conflicting law with another Government department is never a good look. If it doesn't resolve itself, some personal financial offerings (let's call them 'fines') will probably work wonders.

In light of the Indian visa situation, we are looking at other options such as Thailand, but compared to India it appears the industry is pretty immature and presently unregulated. USA still remains too expensive and non-commercial gestational surrogacy in Australia (if done above board) is a lengthy and costly process. Apparently Panama is becoming a new medico tourism destination - but seems to have similar limitations to that of Thailand and based on my limited research remains unproven as a surrogacy destination at this point in time.

So lots to think about. We're off to the USA for Easter to celebrate our 10 year anniversary. As on most of trips - we'll spend a fair bit of time planning what we'll do with our future without the interruption of the day to daily grind. We'll be doing a lot of driving - so they'll be plenty of opportunity to discuss things. So we have a few things to look forward to as well as FET in a few weeks time.

Thanks for your continued readership and following our longer the usual surrogacy journey. Until next time..take care.

3 comments:

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, it does look like an uphill battle with that ridiculous new law - how very frustrating. Enjoy the USA - another well deserved break - and congratulations on your 10 year anniversary! Time does fly. xx

GBLC

About Us

We are a thirty-something same sex couple, who have been together for over 10 years. After 4 failed attepts in India during 2012, we're starting fresh again and heading to Bangkok in November 2013 to fulfil our dream of starting a family.