Monday, October 04, 2004

Ok, its my turn to ask why. Now my why is for something totally different. But I still ask why. Well, I guess my story begins last summer. I was so unsure of my faith, and how it would conflict with my choice of career, because I was taught to follow God and His plan. But I was so scared to commit to the whole church and God thing that I had been avoiding it or running away from it. So then I was told something that made so much sense then I will believe it till the day I die. I was told that if I have a passion or a talent in something, that God will provide an opportunity for me. So, with this in my mind, I have been breathing easier knowing that everything will work out fine.The thing is, I also have this thing for music. Not this "I'm in band, I listen to music" thing. No, I know I'm not a good player, but whenever I hear something I have played, or just listen to a piece, I don't hear the dumb little mistakes, like a missed note, or dirt. I remember the thrill of performing, hours of practices, sleepless nights, bad food, the screaming crowd, insanely loud music, the sound of the announcer voice, scores, trophies, the feeling of being the best at something, the tightness within the ensemble, sleeping in the most random places (with the most random people). I love performing.So back to the whole why thing. Why does that have to be a part of my past? Why are there two things in life I can not live without? Is God playing a horrible trick on me? whywhyhwywhywhy?

If you can relate or answer, leave me a message, I need someone to talk to.