Wednesday, February 15, 2006

What Happens To A Dream Deferred

As I was sitting in front of my computer working on a business writing project for hire, wishing I could be doing something more creative, I thought back to my childhood, and how great it was to be four. My entire world then was playing, running, drawing, and imagining. My parents were infallible, and I couldn't wait to turn 5, so I could be big, and go to school like my older brother.

School, as it turned out, was overrated. All of a sudden, playtime had parameters, work was expected, conformity was the norm, and creativity was stamped out. After the first day of kindergarten, I had had about enough, and recall asking if I really had to go back. In retrospect, I think I would have been a perfect candidate for home or Montessori schooling.

Of course, I went back. For the next 12 years I went back, though not as often as one might expect. I graduated high school with the record of being the second most absent student in my grade. If it weren't for LF and his juvenile delinquent ways, I would have been number one! What's funny, though, is that I was a pretty good kid, all things considered. I just was not good at conforming - nor at subjects which held little interest for me, as it turned out. For the most part, I hated biology and did only passably well; genetics fascinated me, however, and I aced every test. It was that way with every subject but English and Art, which I always excelled at - if the topic discussed piqued my interest, I was in, and if not, I was off in dreamland.

It wasn't until college, and even more so graduate school, that I really enjoyed school, really grew to love academia - I'm sure in part due to being able to choose my schedule, and in part because I could take mostly classes that I enjoyed and was interested in. I took studio art and literature classes, track and drama, film and writing and Judaic Studies and foreign languages. It was bliss (well, except for Blake and Melville and whatever we had to read in Old English, but we won't talk about that). I went to readings and plays, and was part of a writer's group, and was encouraged by my professors to transfer to the School of Visual Arts.

Reality hit about a year out of school - none of the things I was interested in were valued in the real world in their pure form - unless you were very fortunate or a dead white European male from the 16th-19th centuries, in which case you appreciated and were appreciated more with the passing years. The trajectory is kind of bizarre - you begin as a child encouraged to be creative and free, only to have that stifled in elementary and high school, only to have it rekindled in college and grad school, only to have it squashed again by the working world.

As some of you may recall, I have this recurring nightmare of becoming an accountant (with no offense to the fine upstanding accountants and accountants to be out there, especially Ezzie). Though it would mean a nice upswing in my financial status, it is not in any immediate danger of happening, nightmares notwithstanding. You can't be something you're not. But it is equally hard not being something you are.

They say you should look to your passions as a child to find your calling. When I was in second grade, the teacher asked us to write about what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wrote about being a chef. At other times during childhood, I remember wanting to be an artist, a writer, a runner, a rabbi, a husband and father, a doctor, an astronaut and a firefighter. The last two fell out of favor along the way to adulthood, and I am much too squeamish to be a doctor, but the others have never left their places in my dreams.

Were I living out my childhood passions, I would spend most of my days writing novels and short stories and literary non-fiction; I would create funky artwork and lamps and furniture to sell at fairs on Sundays; I would be a gourmet chef and create recipes and write cookbooks; I would teach chassidut; I would be a healer; I would run marathons and I would be raising a rambunctious brood of kids with a wonderful wife and companion.

It's true I do/have done some of these things - some in quiet ways. Some I have worked hard to reach, some I have even seen a bit of success with, others are but a flirtation, and some I let float out there just beyond grasp. What happens to dreams deferred? They stay dreams, until they become real.

What were your dreams as a child? And where do they show up in your life today?

Robbie - Thanks for your comment. I am doing those things. I am working on a novel, have written short stories and seen a few published, took a glass blowing class last summer. They are all side projects for now, still dreams...have you succeeded in becoming a dreidel?

Hmmm... to be totally honest, I was too busy being a child to worry about what I was going to be when I grow up. Just playing and school and stuff kept me busy as it was. I had no desire to work in any field for that matter.

When I was 12, I woke up one day and just knew what I wanted to do with my life, and I've been doing it ever since. I've been a teacher, have 8 published titles, and currently enjoy my work to no end. I guess you can say that I've lived my dream instead of having it.

I still constantly think about different ways of changing the world. But I like the ol' R' Salanter quote, too.

I've thought about so many possibilities, I have no clue where to start. President? (Or more likely, Chief Advisor... I like being out of the spotlight) Football coach? Running a company I created which changes the world? But these are all still going to happen, of course. :D

I don't take offense at the accountant lines - heck, there's a decent chance I won't be one for a while, if at all! :) But that's another story...

I relate completely on not wanting to be structured (which is why my major always throws people off about me). I can't handle normal schedules like everyone else... and haven't had one since 6th grade.

MGA- Welcome to the blog. It is very inspiring to hear of someone who is living their dream and actually loves what they do for a living. All too rare. You give the rest of us hope, Amen to your bracha....

Miss Nibbles- Thanks for the kind words. Just half way more to go, then! How did mathematician come into the picture for you? I think you may have a future best seller on your hands with your Pepto Bismol book...

Ezzie- I like your positivity. Glad you did not take offense, 'cause none was intended! I have actually always been good with numbers, so maybe that is why accounting keeps coming back up for me...what made you choose it as your major? What is your plan for handling the structure of the working world? Almost struck me as funny how unstructured college can be - sort of a last gasp of freedom before cubicle life...

Running? I never knew.That might be the key to it all. When was the last time you went running?

As for childhood dreams...Lawyer was in there (I liked to argue), and computer hackingish things were both high on the list. Architect was also in the mix, and I haven't quite let it go. Music was and is a passion, but I've never channeled it into learning an instrument. I also remember learning about the Technion and thinking that it must be the world-center-best place to go to College.

TAFKAP- Well, Brandon Routh is set for Superman Returns, but perhaps they will go in your direction for the sequel? "a work in progress with the advantages of adult sensibilities" souns very Jane Austen-y (in a good way). I am happy you have fulfilled a number of your dreams. Nyloo or NY loo?

'laizer- In some ways, I never stopped running. But physically, have not done it regularly since college. Good to know there are still some things unknown about me :) I think you are one of those perpetual motion kind of guys who always end up doing amazing things in all areas they undertake...anticipating the next chapter with cautious excitement...not sure about the "hacking" part, but you have certainly accomplished the "ish"...maggid was not a lifelong dream?

McAryeh - I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, and I wanted to be a writer. I "discovered" Israel at the age of 20, and from then on I wanted to live in Israel.

Two out of three isn't bad - and if you count a few short stories and a blog as writing, than the third is there too.

I think you need to change how you define "dream deferred". If you are writing a novel, and taking glass blowing classes, and you are writing a blog, than you ARE living your dreams. I think sometimes people confuse real life compromises with failure, and are unhappy as a result.

WestBankMama - Israel became a dream of mine when I was 20, too - that is when I first visited. I would definitely count short stories and a blog, so you get all three in my book.

I am not unhappy and don't feel like I have failed, at least not yet! But I hear what you are saying, I am living my dreams, albeit on a smaller scale. Reality does necessitate compromises. Perhaps "dreams in the making" is beter. Thank you for your thoughtful comment.

I think this whole your dream/passion should be your profession thing to be overrated.For those for whom it happens it's wonderful, but think of the many jobs that exist of which no one ever dreamt of, but good for us all that they didn’t! My current job isn’t a very exciting one, but someone needs to do it!

I dreamt of being a writer, mostly to be able to denounce all the people I disliked in public!Later I also envisioned myself as a therapist, which in a way I am, but not professionally, just for friends and family.

As a kid, I wanted to be a ballerina, an artist, an actress. I had real hopes of being an astronaut, and even enrolled in engineering classes in college before I realized that I really hated it. And I would still love to go up in space, I am fascinated by the sky.

I haven't pursued any of those childhood dreams, but I still see remnants of them in my spare time - I love being artistic and creative.

When I was a child, I don't think I knew what a school counselor was, and I don't know that I would have ever dreamed of being one, but I think I always did want to help people (I do remember brief desires to be a nurse, which was tossed out when remembering my extreme dislike of needles), so I guess it fits, and I do like the prospect of being one, though I also want to incorporate art therapy into my counseling practice. It's interesting to see how we don't change that much from when we are children.

The funny thing is, I never relaly knew what I wanted to do until I was in my 20's. Then it kind of hit me like a freight train. I wanted to write.

So now here I am. I have completed a novel I can't get anyone to read, I have a blog to keep the itch at bay and I occasionally write for a sport's fan site.

And through it all, I can't help but feel as though I will never live my professional dream. The industry is too compartmentalized, too picky, too faddish. The livelyhood to be made selling books is shrinking in out Tivo and PS2 age. People don't read like they used to. Publishers don't take chances on unknowns anymore.

Sometimes I feel as though I'd rather have never had my epiphany then to have known it and failed at it.

MC, you are the quintessential artist...in every way. I enjoyed reading of your dreams.

From the time I was in kindergarten my head was buried in math books. When the others wanted to do art, I would cringe. (I was so bad at it)!! I just wanted to solve math problems. In 4th grade I wrote in my journal that I wanted to be a mathematician. And that is what my degree is in, so I did achieve it.

But I had other dreams. I wanted to be a ballerina and a doctor, too. I think I will always regret the last one, but it is OK because I love my life.

Keep dreaming the dreams. I hope they all turn into realities for you.

Chavaleh- My guess would be quite a few. Good observation. Thanks for stopping by.

Prag- I cracked up at your reason for wanting to be a writer! That is classic! I think we are all a lot of things in life unintentionally - such as therapists for family, etc. It sounds like you have a healthy and realistic attitude towards working life. I hear your argument for not making dreams your profession, but I like having something to aspire to....

Shoshana- Well, they are chartering space flights for civilians, if you have a few hundred thousand dollars lying around...spare time is a good place for dreams in the real world. I think you are right that we don't intrinsically change from who we were as children, although sometimes we forget...but it's always there. You strike me as someone who would always be able to tap into that. I am glad you are going into a helping profession, and hope you find a way to incorporate the art therapy into it. If you had gone for an art therapy degree, would you have been able to be a school counselor?

Jack- Those are all still attainable. You capture them all in your blog in some way. I have a sneaking suspicion you actually played for one of the major pro teams in Cleveland, and that is why you love the place so...

Elster- All that you say about the publishing world is true. As someone who has been working on a novel for a while now, I have to imagine there is tremendous satisfaction in just having finished the thing! As long as you are writinng, it is a dream in progress...NFL wide receiver, on the other hand, may be a bit of a reach at this point...although you could be one in your fiction, I suppose...

Stacey- Very inspiring that your 4th grade journal entry became your reality. And you are a ballerina in your blog picture and seem to be a better diagnostician than most doctors, so I would say you are three for three. And as a total bonus, you just rock. Thanks for the good wishes.

Childhood dreams? Ha-ha! I'm a professional dreamer! I've always wanted to write, however, and am slowly starting to turn in that direction. Since I was a child, I would spent hours playing "pretend" or making up adventures, which most often included traveling exotic places. Still waiting for my dreams to come to reality... but for some reason I believe they will!

initially, the satisfaction of completing the work was indescibable. This has since been replaced by feelings of helplessness and confusion. Why, for example, should WRITING the bbok be less difficult than getting someone to read it? Forget like it, simply to read it. The answer, many, many people write books and there simply isn't enough deman for all of them.

Truth be told, I wrote the book for me, not for it to become a bestseller. But even so, once you climb the mountain, it sucks not to be able to crest the peak.

I guess maybe one of the reasons I want to work with children is to remind myself of the beauty of youth - that you still dream and hope and don't get so caught up in life that you forget to take a moment aside to appreciate the beauty of the world that surrounds you. I sincerely hope that I will never lose my ability to tap into that.

Re: Art therapy - I haven't looked into it officially, but from what I know I think it would be much more difficult to work in schools with an art therapy degree than it would be the other way around. There are so many regulations about school counselors and the training that is needed for certification (at least in public schools) that I imagine it would be next to impossible to get a job as an official school counselor with anything but a degree in the field.

Art therapy is such a new field that there are a lot of options in it still. I don't know that I will get a complete degree in it, but I do want to incorporate it somehow in my counseling, because I just feel that it can be so incredibly therapeutic, and such an incredible way to initially establish a relationship with a child. And I am sure it will be a lot of fun for me as well :)

Irina- If there is a job opening for professional dreamer, I get first dibs! I was also a very imaginative child. My brothers and I would make up intricate games. It makes sense that childhood dreamers would turn into adult writers. Glad you are well on your way...

Elster- I guess it depends what you make your peak. I can sympathize with your frustration, but you have come this far. I have read your writing and I know you are a good writer. Maybe there are a series of mountains before you reach the peak. It is actually very common for an author to have their second written work published before their first. Just some food for thought...

Shoshana- I also hope you can always tap into that beauty. I think you are wise to have gone for school psych instead of art therapy based on what you describe. I know there are certificate programs out there in art therapy which you could take after your degree if you wanted to incorporate that into your practice. It does sound like fun...and rewarding too...

Jack- I know you didn't. But what good is a post without at least one or two Cleveland references?

I tried to be an English major, but.. ummm... it went less than well. My honors English teacher decided to use me as a source of sexual humor. It made reading and writing less fun. (Of course, I nearly got her fired over it. So it was almost worth it, sort of.)

So I just kinda landed in this math class. And I totally fell in love with the precision and possibilities.

P.S. I just have to say, I fail that "word verification" every single time and it takes me at least three tries to post a comment. My eyes aren't so great. Hence the glasses.

I too am very creative. That's why I teach preschool. I get to play and do art all day long. of course there is a lot more that goes along with that but it's a job where I can be creative and everyone around me is creative and we bounce creative ideas off of eachother. Actually, today I had a training in manhatten and the trainer read "where the wild things are" and then told us to go to different centers. I chose water play and at that center was a sensory bucket filled with water and loads of supplies. Our challenge was to build three boats using different materials, a mascot for each boat and a draw bridge. Extra credit- use all materials. Our materials included mini milk cartons, foil, saran wrap, coffee cups and stirrers, play dough, etc. You had to see what I came up with. I made a little canoe out of a cup and stirrers (oars). I made a draw bridge out of foil and then added fine details like the little bar that comes down when boats are coming and a mini car crossing the bridge. My little canoe had trouble staying afloat so I put a piece of saran wrap under it and said it was ice. ETc etc. I should have used this as my own post. Aww shucks!but, anyway..it was fun.my dreams as a child? singer, actress, artist. Also never anything that can pan out. But, through highschool and college I still pursued all those things. I was in a play in college, I took art classes and singing is just part of me. You don't have to have a career out of something to do it. But, by the way...you can use one of your talents as therapy. You can come to a school like mine (it's special ed) and be an art or music therapist. You don;t have to be an accountant if that is not your calling. it's definitely not mine!

oops and I forgot about being a writer which is a dream that hasn't gone away. I've started many books but I really want to write children's books. In highschool and college I wrote for my school newspaper.

MCAryeh - I went into accounting because math is my strongest suit... when I was in 10th grade, my calc teacher recommended acturial work; my father, who at the time was primarily selling insurance out of our basement, said, "Acturial work is the most boring job in the world. You'll hate it." I responded, "Dad, you sell insurance out of our basement." He said, "Yes - and I'm telling you, actuarial work is the most boring job in the world." "Got it."

I have no clue how I'll deal with the pure structure of the working world... in a sense (though you don't realize it), accounting is less structured than many jobs - I'm an efficiency guy, so my guess is I'd quickly figure out how to do the tasks I'm assigned quickly the way I want to (within their parameters). They'll be happy, I'll be happy.

Like every little girl, one of my first dreams was to be a mommy. I had also had the other classic dreams of wanting to be a figure skater or a gymnast. As an adolescent, entranced by the novels I buried myself in, I wanted to become a writer, a dream that far outlasted any of my other dreams, but one that I gave up my junior year of high school when I came to the realization that suffering from writer's block 364 days a year would get in the way. In 8th grade, while going through a John Grisham stint, I briefly thought I would like to be a lawyer, but quickly recovered. Ayn Rand's, The Fountainhead had me convinced that I would love to be an architect, but my utter lack of artistic ability forced me to forget that one...

As for the dreams that show up in my life, well I dreamt of going to Harvard, and although the dream has long evaporated, this semester, just for kicks, I have cross-registered and am taking a course there. And well, I'm living someone else's dream of being an engineer at MIT, because with 3 months left before getting my masters, I'm realizing that I'm not really sure how I ended up here (well I sorta do, like Ezzie, math was my strongest suit, or so I thought back in high school, and I didn't want to be an accountant), but working as an engineer has become the equivalent of your nightmare of working as an accountant...

So I think I've come back full circle, and mostly want to be mommy (but first would need a prince to sweep me off my feet--my Disney dream), and maybe study some psychology on the side...

Oh, why do I feel depressed as I collect my thoughts for this comment? I guess I've dreamed of almost everything. Growing up, I always wanted to be a doctor - specifically, a neurosurgeon. If you'd have told me I could do it without compromising my chances of marrying the kind of guy I wanted, I would have done it. But, that was not the case. I still pine about it sometimes. If I were rich, I'd teach in a Jewish school part-time (I miss that atmosphere that felt like you were doing something spiritually meaningful) and probably go to school for the rest of my life. I'd go from major to major and learn everything (except maybe pharmacology and economics). I would even do History as long as I wasn't required to actually remember any of it (why is that so difficult for me?). I went to a school where Art wasn't even a blip on the curriculum radar so I feel quite lacking in that area - I'd do lots of that. In fact, a few summers ago, I treated myself to this awesome course designed for teachers that was given by the Met, Guggenheim, and Whitney. Man, what a world! I'd take every crafts course under the sun - pottery, glass-blowing, decorating, jewelery-making, textile arts - you name it, I'm interested. The reality is that I'm an Othodox mom of 3, which means that "career" is not allowed in my vocabulary and there certainly isn't any time for it anyway. I'm too poor to afford any of these classes and would have no one to share this fun with - although I'd go myself if that were the only drawback. I yearn to travel the world, to walk the streets of different countries - not just hit the tourist attractions. Europe, Africa, South Asia, Far East, Middle East, Australia, the Amazon. I don't know if that'll ever happen, either. Oh, and, if I weren't Jewish, I'd have been a Broadway star. I'm passionate about acting. I love the stage. I love the costumes, the music, the grandness, and, of course, the applause. Who doesn't love applause?

Oh yeah - I forgot! I wanted to be a lwayer for a long time... then wanted to combine accounting and law... and still think that I may actually do so at some point. My B-law professor wants me to go to Harvard Law; I offered him the opportunity to pay for it.

A lot of people have said I should be a teacher/advisor, stuff I seem to do anyway; but I enjoy doing those things as favors - not as a profession.

It sounds like you have a healthy and realistic attitude towards working lifeI didn't choose the title" The Pragmatician" for nothing you know :)If you cracked up at my reason for becoming a writer listen to this, a kid that wasn’t always very pleasant to me asked me what I did over the summer and I told him I started to work an a book. He asked if he was in it , and I answered he was.He left me alone for the rest of the year, until it became clear I would never actually finish/ publish a book

Ayelet- I'm buying a 5 dollar arts and craft project for a 12 year old girl and we are doing it together. we can afford that right? As I recall, Mordechai was not to fond of all the crafts projects I provided...so I guess he doesn't get that from you!

Rebecca - Yeah, he's totally not into the artsy stuff. He's not great with his hands whereas I am. At least he got my genius brain! ;) I'm up for any craft. I think we need to learn how to knit/crochet. We'll hopefully be grandmas one day, you know...

I guess I'm a little late coming to this post, but hey, better late than never, right? (Just like fulfilling a dream!) I have just about completed a dream of mine to write a book to help children with grief. I decided even if only one copy sits on MY coffee table and never anywhere else, that I will have at least completed my dream. Wonderful, thoughtful post, Mcaryeh.

mc! I think you always have to dream even if you got to where you think you need to be. I am a constant dreamer, a professional. I would have got all A's in high school and college if it wasn't for my dreaming. I've been a rock star, golf pro, tennis pro, basketball star (even though I'm really bad at basketball), I've had the all time homer record and highest average record all in my first year at being a pro, I've found the cure to cancer, I've been a brain surgeon(even though I hate blood), I've been a Talmud Chuchum, I think I may have been the mashiach once too, I've been the leader of Israel, I've led tons of crazy army secret missions, these are just a few of the daily dreams that I go through. I think thats part of the reason I have never had a boring second in my whole life.

Believe it or not..when I was kid I wanted to be a Rebbe (as in chassidic leader)..lolas we get older and hope turms into pragmatism..turns into life slipping away..its hard for me to grasp that I may never do so many of the things I'd always dreamt of doing..

My dream as a kid was a to be a hair dresser, which later changed into wanting to be a bus driver. My problem is that after the age of maybe 8 when somehow I no longer had these high aspirations, my dreams weren't really replaced.

Instead, I admire and am jealous of people who have dreams, and even more so for those who have the guts to follow them...

Miss Nibbles- Interesting. Many actors say that they are shy in real-life. It is only when they are performing that they bloom. The arts and math don't often come together in the same person. You are very unique. And don't worry over the word verification - I don't know anyone who is able to get their comment through on the first try!

Jack- I'm staying out of that one,,,don't want to be dodging any snowballs...

Rebecca- That training session - and your job- sound like a lot of fun. Do you get tired being around kids all day and then coming home to Estee? That's a lot of kid time! I would love to be an art therapist, but they make no money. I want to be able to support a family, so it is not such an option. It would be an ideal career for me, though...I think you would be great at writing children's books - maybe a series of books about Estee?

Stacey- LOL at The Snowball Squad!

Ezzie- Your dad's line is a classic. I know a number of very efficient guys who have put your plan into action - doing the work very quickly but doing a good job at it, so I think there is hope...

hketg- Glad you recoved from the John Grisham lawyer phase. That is so cool that there is always one day a year you just know you will not have writer's block! My brother is also studying to be an engineer, and at times, is equally as horrified at the prospect of becoming one. There is always industrial design, which is kind of fun and funky. I hope your Disney dream Prince arrives soon, and wouldn't it be great if he offered an array of courses in psychology?

Ayelet- A neurosurgeon is pretty specific! Would becoming one really have prevented you from getting the shidduch you wanted? I can definitely identify with the dream of being a perpetual student - although I would add accounting and maybe hydrophysics to your list of pharmacology and economics as subjects to avoid. Why do you say you can't have a career as an Orthodox mom of 3? I hope you do get to travel and see all those places you would like....as an English major, though not a grammarian, I think dreamed is pefectly acceptable in place of dreamt...

Ezzie- I think you SHOULD go to Harvard law - you can pretty much do anything with a degree from there; and I think your B-law professor should take you up on your offer to have him pay for it. That kind of opportunity may not come his way again...I do know what you mean. We all do a lot of things in our lives which could be professions if we got paid for them!

Jack - Is this the record for post with the most Cleveland dissing in the comments section? That would be a pretty cool record to have...Not sure a spreadsheet, a broom and 6 more shabbat guests are a match for The Snowball Squad, though (very funny to read)...

Prag- Were you really working on a book? How did he find out you wouldn't finish it? And why wouldn't you finish it? As someone working on a novel, I can use all the inspirational book-finishing stories I can find!

Stacey- I think you should copyright The Snowball Squad. Too good a name to let fall into the wrong hands...

Cruisin-Mom- No such thing as coming late to a post! Thanks for the kind words. I love your dream and your standards for considering it fulfilled. Would like to read your book...

Oishkapipik- I appreciate your being a dreamer - probably one of the reasons we get on so well! And I agree that you have probably never had a boring second in your life. I know I haven't when I've been around you...

Neil- I really enjoyed your poem. Thank you for writing it and posting it here. I also don't think people change. Different traits may come to the fore at different times, but they are all always there...you strike me as someone who does live their dreams.

Eshet- Very sweet of you to say. My youngest sister is being homeschooled now and she is doing beautifully. She had individual attention and her learning comes alive rather than sitting on the page. It's not for everybody, but I think it's a great alternative for some...

Ezzie- I know he was in Buffalo, but has Jack even seen a Cleveland-size snowball?

Jameel- I do know that song. I am a big Harry Chapin fan! Dreams do keep you young, but why throw out the old ones if they are still possibilities? As long as they do not turn into regrets, they are worth holding on to...

ss- Looking forward to reading it - though I barely seem to have time to read comments on my own blog lately!

David- Actually, I do believe it! You could always start your own Chassidic dynasty - Lakewoodovers or Lakewoodovichers...

My Bald Sheitel- That's quite a shift from your first three to your current three! Although...you could still be a published author and columnist as a wife and mom, you can be a female judge in your home, and if Alyssa Milano were to marry and have kids, who is to say you could not be her?

SweetTooth- Is off-off Broadway still a possibility?

Another Frum Blogger- Those are pretty eclectic choices. It is the rare individual who can go against the grain when their dreams do not correspond to what is valued by society. I hope to be one of them.

Well I really was writing a book but it was autobiographical and it got very painful at some point to describe certain memories. So to this day I haven't finished it, perhaps one day I'll pick up the thread of my story again.Had it been a novel I imagine it would have made more progress.

The kids I work with are much different than Estee. she's a baby and they are 3-4 year old special needs children. I am exausted at the end of the day but working with kids is my passion. I don' think I will continue to be in a classroom forever but it is just a starting off point for me. I want to go into early intervention.

A great post. My mind escaped back into the irrepressible joys of childhood where one could prance about to ones' heart's content. I wanted to be a writer and grew up to realise that writing doesnt pay. This is Ben from Israeli Uncensored News