In the Messages, we are referred to as being pioneers. There is a great deal bound up in that simple word: “pioneers.” It means many things, including the necessity of going through crises of faith — to reach deeper inside ourselves for inner resources we didn’t know we had, to reach higher than ourselves, for help from the unseen. In their last Message, “Farewell For Awhile,” the Hosts said they would be silent so that we could have the richest possible experience for ourselves. That Message was given on September 15, 2002, and in that same Message, they said that the “Booster Rocket” event would occur “later this year.” I assumed, and I think all of us assumed, that they meant the Gregorian CALENDAR year of 2002. We assumed incorrectly, as I shall reveal below.

The Messages also stress the importance of facing down our fears. My greatest fear was that of being a “false prophet.” I am a reluctant channel in the first place. The last thing I wanted to happen to me was to be given words to say that were not true. I have often been critical of other sources of channeled information because of the gross inaccuracies they put forth. As the end of the calendar year approached, I grew increasingly tense and anxious. What if nothing happened? What if the Booster Rocket event DID happen? The implied suffering was too terrible to contemplate, and I agonized over being “right” versus the deep wish that a peaceful outcome could be obtained. I watched in stunned amazement as the excuses for war grew thin at the same time as the preparations for war increased. What was going on?

Then, as the pressure mounted, I got a letter from someone in Canada, pointing out that one of the Messages (“Calm, Grounded, and Centered”) was missing from the printed version of Volume Two. I take such pains to make sure the books are as perfect as I can make them before they go to the printer, so this was very discouraging news. I felt and still feel sick in my heart about this. I checked the file that I constructed the book from, and it was correct. How did this happen? And why? And what should I do about it?

I struggled with all of this in relative isolation. The only people who knew about it were my partner and a few of the people on the Forums, including a trusted friend of many years. I went through yet another “dark night of the soul,” of which there have been so many. I went back and reviewed all of the demonstrations that I had been given about my path and the work I was to do. I believed with all my heart in the journey to Terra, the ships, and all the rest, and the Hosts had certainly been accurate about 9/11 before it had happened. And it was clear to me that world events WERE playing out toward a time that WOULD meet the conditions laid out for “Booster Rocket Time” (BRT), but it was also clear that it wasn’t going to happen by the end of 2002.

I assumed that I had been given false information, that I was seeing the realization of my worst fear — that I was, indeed, a “false prophet.” And on top of that, with all the care and effort I had put into making the book perfect, it had a major flaw. An entire chapter was missing, and the “Clarification” of that Message ended up pasted onto the previous Message, where it made no sense whatsoever. I felt like my whole world was collapsing on top of my head, and it was not a happy time. And yet, when I woke up on New Year’s Day, the birds were singing, it felt more like spring than winter, and I felt like the year would be a wonderful one, in spite of how it looked at the time.

There was another pioneer in the first half of the last century. His name was Aurobindo, and he and his spiritual partner, a woman referred to only as “Mother,” dedicated their lives to the search for the key to the next phase in human evolution. Aurobindo made the observation that when it is time for an evolutionary leap, there is a pressure that builds up and then a leap occurs relatively suddenly. He compared it to putting pressure on one end of a melon seed, and when the pressure was great enough, the seed would leap across space and land far from its original position.

These past two weeks for me were just such a pressure. I let go and let God, over and over again. The final blow however, came yesterday, when the first letters came in, questioning the authenticity and accuracy of the Messages, and some people began leaving the mailing list and the Forums. I was in despair and confusion as to what I should do. I absolutely would not try to explain or defend myself. If this is what God wanted for my life, so be it!

I understood what the Christ must have felt in the Garden of Gethsemane when the pressure was on him. I understood how Buddha must have felt when he was confronted by the many tests of his faith. I understood how the path of initiation into higher states of consciousness seems to include these tests of faith, to require us to venture out into uncharted territory with no guidebook or map to show us the way. That is what a pioneer is called upon to do, by definition. We are pioneers, according to what the Messages say, so these crises of faith are part of the journey to Terra, as well as being part of the path of initiation into a higher state of consciousness.

Last night, the pressure was so great that I was determined to get an answer from the Hosts before I would go to bed. This is what they said, as I wrote down their words on a pad of paper:

All right now. We have several points to make:

1) We have not misled you. We have not told you anything that is not true. We have not led you to make a “failed prediction.”

2) We are still with you. We are guiding every step you take. You are on the right course.

3) Booster Rocket Time is upon you NOW. The passage of a few days more and all will be fulfilled.

4) You are still in charge of the “op” and much more lies ahead to be done.

Having said all of this, we do understand your position and shall give you this assurance: All WILL be well, and this pain will soon pass. Have faith. The best is yet ahead. You will always have critics, regardless of what does or does not happen. But we WILL see you through.

Q. Did YOU tell me about “by the end of this year”?

A. Yes, but we did not mean the calendar year. We meant the year end when the spring comes and begins the new cycle.

Amen, Adonoy Sabayoth. We are the Hosts of Heaven.

When I reflected on this, I realized that this definition of the year made a great deal of sense, as it is a celestial point of reference and transcends all individual cultures. It is a true reflection of the planet’s rotation around the sun, and the major monuments at Stonehenge, in Central America, and in Egypt all are aligned in relation to this cycle, not the Gregorian or Chinese or Hebrew or Mayan or Moslem calendars. It’s possible to identify a new year in every month of the calendar. One can celebrate Sekhmet in January, Chinese New Year in January or February, Noruz in March, Baisakhi in April, Buddhist New Year in May, Runic New Year in June, Armenian New Year in July, Shenshai New Year in August, Rosh Hashanah in September, Samhain in October, Dipavali in November, and Papal States New Year in December.

The calendar defined by the solstices and equinoxes underlies the dictionary definition of a year, namely “the period of time during which the Earth completes a single revolution around the sun.” The Hosts speak to us all, regardless of nationality, religion, or geographic location, and it is obvious that the time one chooses to begin and end a year is both arbitrary and subjective. The “vernal equinox” (northern hemisphere) in March marks the beginning of the celestial year in Western astrology, but Chinese astrology would not use that point of reference. In the southern hemisphere, the seasons are reversed, but I live in the northern hemisphere and since I interpret the telepathic impress through my own symbol system (that’s how telepathy works), I translate it “spring,” whereas someone in the southern hemisphere might call it “autumn.” It’s all subjective, and the Hosts have now defined their “year” as ending on March 20, 2003.

My former husband suggested that this all happened for a reason. He suggests that the reason is so that all of us who made the assumption that the Hosts meant the Gregorian CALENDAR year can be shaken out of our narrow cultural frame of reference into a planetary perspective, which in my thinking brings us back to some of the fundamental principles involved with Operation Terra: We are here for the planet, and we come from every race and culture, background and religion. We are in the East. We are in the West. This crisis of faith in the Hosts’ words paradoxically put us squarely back on ourselves, to re-examine the basis of our beliefs and what we align with. In the end, we have to let go and let God.

My former husband suggested that the missing chapter in the book was so that the book would have to be reprinted and that this lesson in faith would become part of that book also. I really don’t presume to have all of the answers, or even many of them. I am just like everyone else on this journey. I am doing the best I can to understand what “God wants for my life,” and if I get too filled with self-importance and feeling too special, I am humbled so I can remember that it is not about me or being right, it is about “getting right with God.” It is about right alignment, about the walk and tasks of being a pioneer, about being willing to go into uncharted territory and to let go and let God show us the way. To do that with faith and trust is the “mission.”

It is ironic that the Message that disappeared from the book was one that directs us to listen within ourselves for what is true for us alone, in every moment. More specifically, that Message had told us, “ ... we want to give you a last reminder — that this journey of yours is a PROCESS, not an event, and although you are reaching an important threshold, there is a journey to be made beyond that time, so please remember this and do not place yourself in a position of locked energy with regard to this ‘;event.’”

They went on to add, that “no solution that matters in the long run of things will be found outside of yourself. Your answers lie within. Even if you are not hearing ‘voices’ or words, you do know — in each and every moment — what is true for you. You can access this knowing at any time. It is a feeling that you feel. ... There will be many attempts to talk you into adopting a certain attitude, but stay aligned with what you know as your own truth. You can carry it silently, but do not abandon it in order to accommodate anyone else.”

And finally, they said, “each of you has a plan for your life and each of you will have different experiences, so there is no prediction we can make that will be true for all of you, other than when the time is right, you will be called to your right place.” In other words, regardless of the source of the information, the answers lie within, and at a certain point, the only thing that is prudent to do is to follow your own inner promptings in each moment and “let go, let God” with everything else.

I hope this is helpful in some way to you. I yearn more than ever for the peace, joy and love of Terra, but I am still willing to walk the walk that is asked of me, today and every day, until it is over. I hope that you will do the same.

NOTE: We can now appreciate a little better that, for the Hosts, time does not mean the same thing as for people experiencing linear time on 3D Earth. When they said, “The events that have preceded this forthcoming shock were relatively mild compared to what comes now and what will follow it in relatively rapid succession,” we can now look back at the events that have occurred since “Shock and Awe” began on March 20, 2003 (the last day of the “year” that the Hosts had referred to), and begin to get an idea of what “relatively rapid succession” means to the Hosts.

The massive earthquake and tsunami in Indonesia on December 26, 2004 and Hurricanes Katrina and Rita in the US in 2005 were clearly not “mild” events, and now we can see the world heading steadily toward financial collapse and major social disription. Our interpretation of “rapid” seems to be much faster than that of the Hosts, who remind us elsewhere in the Messages that a few years now is but a very brief moment when one is considering a cycle of 4.5 billion years.