The Bottom Ten / Steve Harvey

What a State These Teams Are In

THE COLLEGES No sooner had Columbia (0-infinitum) been declared ineligible for the Bottom Ten's Woes Bowl (investigators found too many actual students on the team) than a Midwestern state seized control of the rankings. Talk about an embarrassment of riches--Kansas, Kansas State and Wichita State--combining for a total of one (1) win!

Kansas State, in a spectacular Dow Jones-type display, chalked up a deficit of 49 points in just 60 minutes against Oklahoma. Though the Mildcats' position is secure--they'll be placed on Nebraska's plate this week--the devalued Jayhocks of Kansas will be sorely tested against Iowa State (1-5).

Obviously trying to pump up his players, Iowa State Coach Jim Walden likened the teams to "two pit bulldogs with no teeth."

SPECIAL CITATION: Fresno State Coach Jim Sweeney, waving a red jersey over his head to enliven the home crowd when visiting San Jose State had the ball, proved inspiring--to San Jose State, which came from behind in the final minutes to win, 20-16.

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Kansas State (0-6) at Nebraska (6-0) (children under 18 not admitted without an adult).

The real games are about to resume, and the question is whether strikeball flops such as double-fumble Tony Dorsett (Rhinestone Cowboys), Howie Long (L.A. Waiters) and Lawrence Taylor (N.Y. Ants) can avoid being cut.

With the expanded player rosters, there was speculation that the Ants (0-5), experiencing what stockbrokers like to call a "slight correction" after their 14-2 season in 1986, might also take on a second head coach.

Meanwhile, spirits rose at Also-Rams Park in Anaheim when Coach John Robinson revealed that the team roster he put together for this week includes John Elway at quarterback, Jerry Rice at wide receiver and Todd Christensen at tight end.

Like the players, striking Bottom Ten pro selectors returned to work. Not a moment too soon, either. The replacement selectors' performance was marred by several gaffes, i.e., referring to George Halas as the Chicago Bears' coach, invoking the infield-fly rule on one high punt. . . .