My father is a magician. He does impossible things. He does it well enough that when I have a party, my friends ask, “Yeah…but will your dad be there?” Sometimes, I write and voice things for his shows. Once, I played the part of a ghost trapped in a bottle.

So I’ve written and done voice work for a number of my dad’s magic show bits. Including my performance as a haunted playing card. I’ve recently written and recorded a voice bit for my dad’s latest show. That video is coming soon, but in the meantime, here’s a text and image sampling. For the routine, I invented a new tarot deck, consisting of only four cards. My sister, Danielle Doetsch, drew those cards

Forget Minor Arcana. Forget Major Arcana. This is the Super-Ultiamte-Delux-Ultra Arcana. Each of these five cards represents one of the basic, primal archetypes that has haunted man’s mind since he crawled out of the primordial ooze…

I. The Cyborg Whale

See the hulking brute — half machine, half marine mammal, sent back in time to unleash leviathan carnage. This card suggests dual natures, diametrically opposed forces, the yin and the yang. This is the duplicitous edge of life and death that we all dance upon. Some days are cold, calculating, and pragmatic…and some days are eleven tons of rotting whale blubber.

II. The Creepy Doll

See the frightful ragamuffin — the dead glass eyes, weirdness stitched into its tiny limbs. It only moves when you take your eyes off it. This card suggests a lurking presence, unexpected strife, upheaval. That detail we mistook as small and insignificant coming back to haunt us. This card also represents unexpected opportunity. You never know just what’s waiting around the corner…wielding your missing kitchen knife.

III. The Grinning Roadkill

See the furry cadaver — flies buzzing, belly bloated, a putrid stench — and yet, the mournful decay of death reveals a big, toothy grin. This card suggests an involuntary change of circumstance, a transitory state, and destruction. But also, renewal. The maggots of redemption are always chewing. And there’s a wisdom to smiling when things seem at their worst.

IV. The Cannibal Lovers

See the masticating sweethearts — I said masticating! — a ravenous romance, a gory picnic, one flesh. Where does one end and the other begin? This card suggests an irresistible attraction, hunger for life, the drawing together of opposites, and an ouroboric cycle unending. It is the affirmation that there is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion.

V. The Flatulent Astronaut

See the embarrassed explorer — trying to hold his breath, a gastric disaster, nowhere to go, there’s no escape from our inner demons. This card suggests a journey, delving heedlessly into the unknown, and our own folly turned against us. But sometimes we come face to face with what we perceive as our most loathsome qualities, only to feel relief in the end.

That ranks up there with my favorite sentences. Some time ago, I wrote the patter for a stage routine of my dad’s and did the voice recording for the ghost. The routine has since been updated with some new effects. Here it is. Magic by Mark Doetsch. Ghost by Joshua.

My dad is a magician, and I sometimes write routines and dialogue for his shows. This is a bit I wrote for a show he did recently in St. Louise. I also did the voice work, playing the part of a haunted card. The camera work is not great…but enjoy!