Rob’s Sporadic Cycling Google Issue 1

I was having a conversation with the Eric Schillinger, attorney cyclist extrordinaire and founder of this venerable “weblog”, and he made, as he often does, a good point. We started this blog at the worst time possible, just an winter was setting in. When Eric pitched the idea for this forum I had tons of material. The kinder months of fall gave me all kinds of things to write about.

That stream of inspiration didn’t last long. As a result, (and the following is an approximation from my dachshund and accountant Chester B. Arthur) 75% of my posts have been about how the cold sucks (at least for tax purposes). I didn’t want to subject you, my loyal reader(s) to another such diatribe, so I’ve set for myself a safety net: Rob’s Sporadic Cycling Google, a series of posts in which I bring to you all the wacky adventures that could be befalling you if you lived someplace a little more reasonable in the winter than the old CP.

Our first story is that of Ibrahim Nur, Somali-borne English cyclist with some prior drug convictions. Mr. Nur was riding his bike at the consumately suspicious hour of 2:00 AM somewhere in England (I’m too lazy to figure out where, precisely, but it must be in the nice part of England since the cops are riding BMWs are playing soccer) with full knowledge of his drug history and came under the suspicion of the local police who gave chase. Accounts differ, but all agree that Mr. Nur was cast from his bike and his leg was run over. Apparently local news reporters got this video of the incident before the actual accident.

The potential for lawlessness is one of cycling’s least touted virtues. Of course this, like any kind of freedom, is a terrible thing if it falls into the wrong hands. Case in point: a man has been tooling around the George Washington University campus exposing himself and generally acting like a fool with his pants on the ground. The students are apparently in an uproar about the man known only as The Fixie Flasher. Normally I’d be right alongside them, but you get what you pay for: I can’t imagine anyone is going to Washington, D.C. to avoid this kind of behavior. I also suspect that this is really some kind of misunderstanding and that the Fixie Flasher is really a vanguard Flashlocross enthusiast and that his exposure of his genitals was an ironic ode to Jersey Shore.

ALEXANDRIA, La. — Alexandria police said man stopped for riding his bicycle at night without a headlight was carrying a weapon made from a butcher knife attached to a pool cue. They said the 51-year-old man also had a razor blade in his hat. He was booked with illegally carrying a weapon, doing so after a felony conviction, resisting an officer, public intoxication and at least five outstanding warrants.

The police report said the suspect originally gave police a fake name. An officer patted him down and found a metal push rod that appeared to be used for smoking crack cocaine. They also found a prescription painkiller in someone else’s name.

We’ve all been there I’m sure. I ask you this: Can we honestly tell our children that we live in a free nation if we can’t slay dragons on our bicycles without being molested by the local 5-0? I don’t think so.

Finally the New York Times and then, inevitably, NPR were reporting that sales of electric bikes, which split the difference the geared bicycle and the vespa were “surging” (as the historically pun-averse NPR put it) around the world. The idea of someone charging around with “a butcher knife-pool cue axe” without at least getting winded is appropriately horrifying and the prospect that one day the Fixie Flasher will improve the efficiency with which he subjects us to his sardonic commentary on modern love should definitely give us pause. That aside, I’d have to put this in the “good things” column. Electric bikes seem silly at first, but they make cycling more accessible and therefore improve our chances of taking a larger slice of the road.