Public Housing Escape

Posted on July 6, 2017 by the Editor

By Megan Deal. Megan is from Flagstaff, USA. She is a student, nanny and a mother

Why is it 3 am? Why am I tired and yet awake? Why is everyone so different? Why don’t they like me? Every night my body wakes up yet my mind is so numb; since, my mind is numb all I do is sit and think. I think about what I’m going to say to my coworkers, and then I practice it in my mind the way I want it to go. Why have I worked over 40 jobs? Why do my coworkers hate me? What did I do? Maybe, I’m just a young soul who still does not know what exactly to do. Is this normal?

I currently live in public subsidized housing also known as the Projects in the United States, which are apartments or units intended for low income families and individuals. If you took the 50 family units in the projects I live in, then 40 of those are single mothers with children. The upkeep of low income living is poor; I have mold that grows in my bathroom and maintenance tells me it’s okay. I overheard that some units have had an infestation of bed bugs. Knowing that other people live better, only makes living at the Projects hard that all I can do is worry. Whenever, I look out the window I seem to notice police and someone is always getting arrested. My apartment door gets egged and threatening notes are left on my door. You see, I try a little harder to be honest and loyal which the neighbors don’t seem to like. My neighbor has been drinking a lot and I’m afraid of her since she acts out. I stay in my apartment with the curtains down and watch movies with my daughter. I want to move out of the projects; however, I cannot afford to live anywhere else. Is this normal?

I’m a single mother of one child, I work two-part time jobs, I attend a University full time, I coach youth sports, I live in the Projects, I’m on food stamps. If you go on social media you are bound to find people being harassed for using food stamps; every day I worry that I must rely on assistance for help. Each time I walk into the grocery store I worry the person behind me at the register will make fun of me. Per the statistics 80% of people judge other people. If you took a survey of what people thought about those who rely on assistance, then everyone would judge us.

Growing up I had a terrible speech impairment which other kids in elementary school would make fun of me. In middle school I got made fun of even more and other students would push me down in the hallway. Once I got to high school I was made fun of less, yet, I just had no friends and so I kept to myself. I was never asked to homecoming, prom, or any other school function with others. All the students who made fun of me and pushed me around programmed my mind to think that I’m not normal.

It seemed with every job I held coworkers bullied me. Every time I would begin a new job I would hope this would be the time someone might want to be friends with me. It seemed that my coworkers did not accept me in the work place and they would want me to quit, my managers at least were accepting of me. One thing that kept bothering me was why didn’t my coworkers accept me? Why does it seem so hard for my peers to be accepting of me? Most of the nights I lay in bed wondering what my purpose of life is.

My mind is finally worn out from spending so much energy worrying about if I’m normal. If more people in the world could be more respectful to others maybe there would be less worrying what is or what is not normal. Someone is always going to be better than me and I need to learn to accept that; if I can accept my life maybe I wouldn’t spend a huge amount of my time worrying. If people could be more accepting of me than I would worry less. Next time any of you have hurtful or negative words to say to someone take time to think what the other person might be going through. It might be time to talk to our children on being respectful. Let’s spend more energy on ending bullying and then people like me could worry a lot less. I want everyone in my hometown who has bullied me to look at me and say “WOW we should have been nice”; until next time have a wonderful night.