They
had planned the goddamned thing. Ed's voice sounded different over
the phone. The world he was thinking of was 'older,' but
somehow that terrified him. He had always loved Ed's maturity just
as much as the sinner in him loved his sudden and unpredictable
childlike innocence. But that tone in his voice was weary and yet
knowing, like a true adult. There was none of that annoyance he was
so used to hearing, not even the slightest hint of mockery, two
things he couldn't help but love about Ed. He loved it because it
taunted him, he loved it because it made him smile. And smiles were
rare in those days, truly.

He
told himself beforehand that he would control himself. He recited his
greeting over and over again in front of a mirror, changing it each
time. First polite, then casual. Then taunting, then annoying. Then
impatient. Then sad. God damn that boy, if he only knew what it was
he did to him.

At
last he settled on a simple greeting, nothing fancy. Hello, Edward.
Look him in the eyes. Don't you dare let him think you're as
nervous as you know you'll be. He tells himself he can do this, he
can make this work. He won't let that love show in his eyes, his
voice. He won't allow himself to touch him, even to shake his hand.
Because he knows that if he does, he'll lose it. He'll take him,
hold him. He'll away that horrible feeling, that anxiety, that
disgust. He'd lose control.

He
sat by the closed door and waited for the doorbell to ring. His
stomach was all butterflies. His heart beat loudly in his ears. Years
passed, it seemed. An eternity passed. You can do this, Roy. You can
get through this. Just control yourself. Control yourself!

When
at last the bell rang, he rose to his feet, shaking slightly, hand
curled on the door. Edward was wearing brown overalls and a white
sweater. His bright, yellow hair was swept back in a low ponytail.
His large, golden eyes watched him wearily. 'Older,' he had
thought before. Yes, he was older. Something about the aura of him
made the clear. He had grown up, had moved further and further away
from him. He was always changing, the Edward. And now…

They
stood there watching each other in silence. Golden eyes drank him up
like a wine. That ever-practiced greeting was stuck in his throat.
And after what seemed like forever it was Edward he spoke at last.

"Hey."
was all he said. It was all he needed to say. And all it took was
that fraction of a moment to break his resolve, to draw the blonde
into his arms and bury his face in the hallow of his neck. He thought
he was crying, but he no longer cared. Oh, it was bliss to feel his
warm body against his, bliss to entwine his fingers in his
honey-colored hair and hold him. He felt the hesitant hands embrace
him in return, and then tighten suddenly, strangely, as if Ed had
decided to throw away his own resolve as well.

He'd
never understand it. Never in a thousand years. He thought he could
handle simple things like old affections, he thought he could keep
his life under control. He was getting old, yes. He was changing as
well, changing in many different ways. He told himself he didn't
need his old friends, or the women, or the comfortable niche that
came along with being a Colonel. He told himself he didn't need to
see those golden eyes laughing at him. But once again Edward had been
his undoing, or his redoing, or whatever the hell you would call it.

At
last their embrace weakened and he drew away and straightened up. He
could feel a slight blush to his face, and he didn't bother to
cover it up. Too deep to worry about it now. Edward's eyes met his
again, but the older look to them seemed to ring different now. They
were sighing, or shrugging. And they were crying a little, too. He
told himself he didn't need to see those eyes. And he was wrong.

He
stepped back a little, opening the door to his home wider in a silent
invitation. They had all the time in the world to feel like fools
again. So be it. He knew he was smiling and he could see Edward
fighting a smile, too. It seemed that home was home again, now that
he was no longer a memory. And as the younger man stepped inside
graciously, looking around the spacious room for a moment and
grinning, he heard the words that made his heart glow with a strange,
honest fire that had long mourned for dead.

"I
missed you."

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