The second time I went to Japan, I visited Nagasaki. Since I’d been to Hiroshima before, I thought I was prepared. I wasn’t. I guess nothing can prepare you for the results of war.

Inside the Atomic Bomb Museum, I remember seeing guards here and there around the perimeter. I thought I was fine. Then I saw the outline of a woman embedded forever in the stone steps she was sitting on while the bomb went off. Next I saw a diorama of children standing with their skin dripping off. I do cry easily and I also think I hide it well, usually that is. I was shocked to hear loud sobs coming out of me. I didn’t mean to do that. A guard was instantly at my elbow. He asked me (in English) where I was from? I sobbed the United States. I remember escaping to the ladies room till I could compose myself.

There were buttons on the wall that you could push to hear survivors tell their experiences. I couldn’t listen to very many. This is one story paraphrased by me and subject to the limits of my memory.

A survivor related that she came to an elementary school that was devastated. In all the rubble, she heard a small voice and searched through the bodies till she found one that was alive.

The child said “Water.”

The person looked around and found a piece of rug. She ran and dipped it in a stream and let the water drip off it into the child’s mouth. The child said “Thank you,” and died.

I bought this book, FOOTPRINTS OF NAGASAKI which is a compilation of the experiences of girls from the Nagasaki Prefectural Girl’s High School. I thought I would read it, but I have only been able to skim it.

Outside in the courtyard there was a display of school children’s art – pictures of peace. It was very healing to see them, pictures in rainbow colors with all the earnestness of children’s wishes.

By the time I finished the workshop I realized what was really bothering me was that I didn’t want to risk being authentic. I didn’t want to tell people B what I was really thinking and feeling about person A, because it was that I didn’t want to help person A. I didn’t want to get involved in the games they play and I was judging myself as bad or wrong for not wanting to help.

After I realized all this, I felt so much better and free. Hey I get to chose what I do. I’m learning that when I risk being real the relationship is either going deeper or coming apart. Either way it’s a good thing.

Have you always wanted an easy way to be slender?
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I have.
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On Spark People, when I read some people get back to normal weight when they start measuring portions, I knew that would be me.
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It wasn’t.
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Then they said some people who stop inhaling their food, get to normal weight.
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Nope, didn’t do it.
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Tracking calories does it for some.
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No.
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I really expected each of these steps to be it. I remember deciding very strongly to stay slender when I was young.
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Nine days ago, I found what works for me.
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The catch is, you have to have been infected with helicobacter pylori AND you need to have vague enough symptoms that you never sought treatment for it AND you have to have misinterpreted your stomach’s discomfort as hunger.
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I also tried those hypnosis programs where you only eat when you are hungry. Hello. I always felt hungry.
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Nine days ago, My husband started treatment for helicobacter pylori because of excessive bloating. The doctor suggested I take treatment also so we don’t reinfect each other. (Gross.)
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Okay, fine, I was happy to do it. Almost immediately, I stopped feeling hungry soon after eating. I eat breakfast and start working and next thing I know it’s 11 AM or later.
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I used to eat breakfast at 7 and look for something by 9 AM and 10 AM. If I went out, even for two hours, I took raw vegetables or nuts with me. If I got hungry and didn’t eat something, it would go into uncomfortable nausea. A little food relieved it. My acupuncturist told me in Eastern medicine, nausea that is relieved by food is a classic symptom of an ulcer. I don’t have an ulcer but I was likely on the way to one.
*Elenadan
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So without doing anything different, except the big difference of not wanting to eat all the time, my weight is down to 149.5 pounds. It was 155, nine days ago.
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The doctor said we’ve had this for 15 or 20 years. Unchecked it is connected with ulcers.
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Ten or more years ago I started a weight loss program to combat my weight gain that crept up slowly.
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They recommended a 1200 cal diet. I could do it by will for about three days and then I would binge so they said to eat 1500 calories and lose more gradually.
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I aimed for 1500 and often went to 1700 or 1800 or beyond.
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I keep track of my calories and now I find it is very easy to eat 1400. Before this, at the end of the day I would be looking for something low calorie that I could “fill’ up on.
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50% of those over 50 years of age have H. Pylori.
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I told my doctor about my good fortune and he laughed and said he wished he lost weight on the treatment. The reality is, unless you have H. Pylori AND are misinterpreting discomfort as hunger, this won’t work for you. If this helps even one other person, I will be very happy. Heck I am ecstatic already.

The Japanese don’t teach their children to hate. The park has many glass cases that house chains of 1000 origami paper cranes.

Japanese believe if you make a chain of 1000 paper cranes, all the while holding the focus on a wish – the wish will come true. School children make these chains while holding the focus of peace. The park receives so many they leave them in the cases for a while and then change them out for the next batch of cranes.

When I came home I made a chain of 1000 cranes and mailed it to the park. While I was making them, some people said they wanted to help me. They made some cranes. I thought I didn’t want to take any chances with my wish for peace so I made 1000 and sent them along with the extras made by others. My husband says they probably think I can’t count. Heh heh.

* It was a golden moment in my life when I decided to live under my own scrutiny.

* The first time I remember confronting someone, I was terrified and did lose their friendship.

* I realized I was never going to be wealthy if I couldn’t say no to people.

* Now, I realize when I confront or set limits with someone and I lose their friendship that is a blessing.

* I had an outdoor pet scorpion. I used to see him every time when I watered my lemon tree. He would come out with his tail up looking very majestic. He’s nocturnal and I woke him up. I haven’t seen him in a year or so. As long as he is not in my house, he can live.

* One morning in my barefeet, I noticed a scorpion under the dining room table, ( not my pet, this one was smaller). I went psycho on him with the pampered chef fly swatter. It is rare that I forget to look at the floor before walking.

* The centipedes here are more fearsome to me. I used to call my husband to catch and kill them. Now I even do it myself. There is a trick to it. You need to keep yourself at a distance or they curl around and bite you.

* We keep an organic yard – no pesticides. I was happy to hear my accupuncturist say that she noticed people who spray and people who don’t have about the same amount of pedes come in the house. We haven’t had one in over a year. I kill any I find when I am working in the yard.

* No scorpions allowed in the house, no centipedes in the entire yard.

* I have written 50,000 words of a novel each November during NaNoWriMo for the last 4 years.

* Revising and editing these novels is another story.

* I placed in a Write Tight Contest.

* In high school a teacher published 2 of my works, in the high school paper. I never meant for them to be public.

* Approaching middle age I decided to stop spending my life in a book and start living it.

* When I was 7, I knew I wanted to live in California and marry a Jewish boy.

* When I was 7 and picked out a pink dress with a rose at the waist, my mother told me that my grandfather would like the purple plaid one better. I knew the purple one cost less.

* My father is an honorable man and I have tried to be as honest as he is.

* My father creates true abundance. I emulate that also.

* I love the early morning quiet.

* I love dark chocolate with nuts.

* I have observed that after 40, women are better off on the bottom, if the lights are on during sex because of face sag.

* When I lived in a friend’s house, I felt like I was wearing someone else’s clothes.

* My favorite color is green.

* I like subtle flavors like mushrooms, tofu and lobster.

* When I become a multimillionaire, I will have a maid and a cook and upgrade my house and location and wardrobe.

* The above statement is my subconscious telling me to schedule in a day to houseclean and a day to cook and continue upgrading my house and wardrobe.

* Lately, I love to knit and crochet while I watch TV or Netflix.

OMG only 56.

* When I dig down deep, what I want is peace.

* When my children were young, I knew that if painting myself blue and standing on my head would make them turn out well, I would have done it. This does not mean that I was able to overcome my failings.

* I remember reading that whatever we try to do perfectly is sure to fail. I thought, but surely we must try to be perfect at raising our children?

* Now I know aiming for excellence is where it’s at not perfection.

* My children turned out excellent, far better than I could have imagined.

* I cannot take credit. I think it was innate in them.

* Their childhoods did not go at all as I would have chosen, then neither did life.

* I have often thought, if I had the power to create the perfect child: my children and grandchildren far surpass anything I could have come up with. In fact all children do.

* I also know that if I chose my life for myself, it would be like a sterile pool that was beautifully shaped and landscaped. It would be lined with exquisite tiles and I would have extras to replace any that cracked. It would have a transparent cover to keep it clean and environmentally perfect.

* And real life is like jumping into the ocean with sharks and stinging jellyfish and salt and sand that irritate.

Night blooming cerius

* And real life is so interesting and beautiful and never boring.

* I love a good plot.

* Tomatoes warm in the sun are so yummy.

* How do people pick berries and end up with enough to make a pie?

* I save my oldest ragged underwear for when I travel. After I wear it I discard it and open up a little more room in my luggage.

* I love sashimi and seaweed salad and miso soup.

* I love efficiency and productivity.

* I love to get rid of stuff.

* I love the beauty of negative space.

* I was attracted to my husband partly because he lives simply.

* I live fragrance free except when traveling because of my husband’s sensitivities.

* He is totally worth it.

* My husband teaches me how to do things the easy way.

* When I was about 17, I had an out of body experience, not near death, not drugs, just out of body. It happened talking with a school psychologist.

* I used to think when I was old I would sit and watch movies of my children all day.

* In one writer’s group all four of us confessed we had thought ending up in a wheelchair would be a benefit as a writer. DEFLECT

* I used to think I would embroider all day when I got old.

* I am happy with my body.

* I like my legs, hair and nails.

* I scored 154 on an IQ test, go figure.

* I can play stupid with the best of them.

* I used to wish I could do something wonderful for mankind.

* I think I am of the picking up litter ilk of greatness.

* I am extremely slow to make friends.

* Last year I saw high school friends and it was like I never left.

* Once a friend is in, they are there forever, even if I don’t keep contact. XD

* I’ve heard that your middle name is what you are becoming. My middle name is Frances which means free.

* I love to feel the wind in my hair.

* I went on the first University Of Santa Monica Prison project and workshop called Freedom To Choose. I was a volunteer assistant.

* I loved going to the University Of Santa Monica. I went in a basket case and came out in touch with the loving being I am.

* My husband has created a safe space where I can tell him anything. Believe me I have tested him.

* When I lie it is usually out of fear.

* When I was young my friend’s grandmother died after a long illness. The grandfather went out and got himself a convertible sports car, red and a sporty hat and drove around in it. Even I could see that was a very healthy thing to do.

* My cousin and I decided when we were young to become nuns and spend our lives atoning for others sins. It was all her idea. It would have never occurred to me. I could see the nobility in the gesture and I went along with it. We vowed. Later a priest released me from the vow and said don’t do that.

* When I was young I believed the nuns had to pin their veils into their scalp because their heads were shaved. I did not want to be a nun.