Am I being petty re. au pair?

We have a new au pair - overall everything is going well. Apart from being a bit moody, she's punctual, good with the kids, keeping their things in order. Her schedule is by no means too hectic and we don't ask too much of her - she gets paid for 30 hours a week but probably does more like 25 hours. We treat her as part of the family and she often eats evening meals with us. I have a couple of niggles that I think are a bit petty but they are winding me up. While she will empty the dishwasher she won't clean or put anything away that has been used by us - not talking about plates etc. as that's our mess, but anything we've used to make the evening meal that she's eaten. E.g. pot left soaking overnight that I haven't had time to clean the next morning before work. She never offers to help with dinners we make her or help tidy away communal items from dinner (again that she's eaten). Also, she often does a lot of washing on a Friday but won't put it away on a Saturday once dry as it's her day off...am I being petty?!

Did you make it clear what you expect out of her. It’s all well and good pointing out she gets paid for more then she works, that your choice. Just speak to her and say can she wash a pot that’s been left soaking. And I’m a live out nanny so slightly different but if I did washing on the Friday for the child, I wouldn’t expect it to still be there on Monday. So the same I wouldn’t expect her to be doing it on the Saturday (if it’s child related clothes) again just speak to her and say can she do all washing by Thursday, so by the time she finishes on Friday for the week it’s dried and she can put it away.

She is not really part of the family, as she doesn't have any freedom, she is working according to your rules and your schedule (fair enough, that's what she is paid for)

It sounds like she is not working at all on her time off. As long as you don't leave her a mess, you can ask her to clear the kitchen in the morning. To be fair, I never leave things soaking overnight, so I don't really understand the point of it.

You can't expect her to do the laundry at the weekend. That's unreasonable.

We never ask our au pairs to put stuff away that's been used by us. I always finish off the dishes the night before. She should be helping clear the table after a meal though (I expect my 6 year old child to do that!)

As Ovienna said - just ask her to make sure that she finishes off the washing on Friday.

I'm a live-in nanny so a similar set up. I never help with cooking family meals as MumBoss is by far a better cook than I am so I feel it's polite to help clear up afterwards. I load the dishwasher every evening as a gesture of thanks for the meal.

If it's her washing she puts in on a Friday then it's reasonable for you to expect her to take it away as soon as it's dry. If it's the children's laundry then it's not fair of you to expect her to put it away on her day off. You could, however, ask her to do the laundry on a Thursday and put it away on a Friday.

Re: the soaking pots, could it be she's unsure if they're 'finished' soaking or that she's unsure if they can be put in the dishwasher? Some casserole dishes aren't so perhaps she's being cautious in case she damages something. Just chat to her

Thanks for the comments all! I agree I am probably being petty - not expecting her to work on her day off, I guess I'd just prefer it if it was all done within working hours. I will ignore and focus on the positive

I fully disagree with some other posters who say she should not help with family dinners. If she is part of the family and is having dinner with you, she should. My children are part of the family and are supposed to help out preparing and clearing after dinner. I don't see why she would not help.

Regarding the laundry she should organise herself better to do the laundry she is supposed to do during her working hours. It's not that complicated.If it's her laundry, she should clear it when it is dry.

myheart a young person who feels that way is a very bad candidate for a live in with a family role. It also works the other way - you have people coming on here who want the au pair to clear off as soon as they walk through the door. They are unsuitable hosts.

Myheart... An aspiring aupair with such a mentality (the one you're describing) is probably in the wrong "job". Where did OP write she expects the aupair to cook for parents? OP just wrote that she expects the aupair to help out with meals she also eats which is totally fair! Also from OP's post, I don't think the aupair is forced to have dinner with her host family, but just eats the same meal (and anyway having dinner with the host family is what many aupairs wish to do to feel as part of the family).

Thanks Herewegoagain - she doesn't cook any of our meals, we cook everything for her, lay the table and clear up afterwards. She very much wants to eat with us, but it's her choice, she's free to make her own meals if she wishes. My comment was merely that as part of the family it would be nice if she helped tidy away with us, as I expect my children to do too when they eat with us.

I absolutely expect our au pair to help clear away (and set up for) meals she eats with us - just as the children help or guests staying would usually help. Anything else would be downright rude of her. I would talk to her about now wanting washing hanging up to dry over the weekend.

I think if you've cooked and she's eaten it's perfectly acceptable to ask her to wash the pot once it's soaked- perhaps not every time but if you haven't had time before leaving for work. Tell her that you need her to so this, she might not realise.

're the clothes, you could either ask her to do the laundry on a Thursday so she puts away on Friday or put it away yourself.