RS

FRONT PAGE CONTRIBUTOR

Forward, Really?

Democratic Party Platform Now In High-Speed Retrograde

Forward™ reads the DNC motto in delusional Stalinesque grandeur. They are marching beyond traditional boundaries. God is a mere delusion. Strike it from the platform. America’s love for Israel is from that crazy Jeebus Book. We can’t defend that (expletive) country in a DemocraticParty platform. Plus, Progressives have moved far beyond mere serfdom or chattel slavery. We don’t belong to the landed gentry, nor are we private property. With successful nationalization; we now only belong to the Government! Big Brother is now watching – even when you skinny-dip.

The DNC has run all three ideas up the flag-pole and watched with amazement when lightning struck the same flagpole three times. The DNC has now made like Brave Sir Robin and bravely ran away. It started with the “We Only Belong to Government” agitprop from the North Carolina Central Committee. Obama couldn’t proclaim its non-existence, so he disowned the North Carolina State Party by refusing to agree that it was done in his name. This will make it vastly easier for North Carolina Democrats to disown Barack Obama while the run down-ticket this November.

Then, God in all his omnipotence proved a difficult individual to delete from a party platform. The GOP had a field day at the expense of the Atheist Wing of The Atheist Party. So the Democrats spend this morning getting back right with Jesus and had to experience the PR nightmare of having a goodly number of their delegates boo the resolution reintroducing God to King Barack I. In hoc signo vinces indeed.*

Then there was the debacle over the removal of The Democratic Party’s traditional platform plank promising support of Israel as a state. Charles Schumer was asked what they meant by this and was honest enough to shrug and plead ignorance. Debbie Wasserman-Schultz wasn’t as savvy as Senator Chuckles. She provided some great unintentional comedy when trying to deny that The Dems were attempting to remove the commitment to protect Israel from their party platform. Thus the Party of Jefferson and Jackson quickly reaffirmed their support of Israel before they became once again the Party of Jefferson and Burr.

So on the whole, The Democratic Party has discovered they are far Forward!™ Of what most Americans consider to be our traditional cultural norms. Many Americans have apparently decided that the Democrats have grown so open-minded that their brains have fallen out. Their trial balloons have fallen short and they have been reduced to being The Party of Closing Gitmo Maybe Next Time. As the Democrats have shamefully retracted these unintelligent ideas they become worthy of being serenaded by Monty Python’s Flying Circus. This one’s for The Empty Chair himself.