The Top 10 Things I’d Tell a New Ex-Wife

There is a lot of things one has to consider after a divorce is final. From where to live, what the kids schedule is and what you will do for work and money. Beyond that there is the inevitable acknowledgement that at some point in time your ex-husband will be involved with another woman. Hopefully this woman isn’t the reason you got divorced in the first place, but assuming she isn’t, then the time will eventually come. There are things you need to know and hear, and hear again, in case you forget. We want to make sure you don’t fall victim to being the horrible, rotten ex-wife that everyone hates and wants to avoid. You can not allow this one event to close you off to the world and make you bitter. Trust me when I tell you, this is just a moment in time.

Here are the top 10 things I would tell any new Ex-Wife:

You have nothing to prove

You were already the wife, you have the kids and the house and the family dog and you are better off were you are right now, so don’t worry about proving anything to anyone.

This too shall pass

If this isn’t where you thought you’d be, fine. Own it and move forward to get yourself to a place where you are happy again

You are still a role model to your kids

They are hurting too, so try your best to not dog their father to them, they will learn who he is without you having to say a thing

You can do this

It may have been a long time since you’ve done things on your own, there may be some things you’ve never done, but just breath YOU CAN DO THIS!

Do something for yourself every day

Sounds silly, but do it anyway. Whether it’s sitting quietly having a cup of coffee or going to a yoga class, make sure you take time to fill yourself back up with things that are just for you

Be in charge of your money

This is super important. You may have had someone else in charge of the finances, you need to know what things cost, you need to have a budget and you need to be able to handle your money no matter what.

Talk about it as much as you need to

Divorce is like a death. You will mourn this loss and the whole new world you are entering into. Talk to your family, your friends a therapist, but find a way to constructively communicate your feelings so you are in touch with them, can work through them and can eventually let them go

When you meet the new woman in his life, smile

I know, it my be nearly impossible, but everyone looks better and feels better with a smile on their face. A sort of “fake it till you make it” attitude

Try not to be jealous

This goes back to you have nothing to prove. Yes, your kids willow now be spending time with another woman in their life, but YOU are their mother and no one can ever take that away from you. Remember, it takes a village to raise children and if your children can have another positive female figure in their life, this is a good thing. A very good thing

Divorce does not define you

This is what happened to you, not who you are. You are not a failure because your marriage didn’t work out. Sometimes, things go wrong and we have to be able, at some point, to say I loved this person, this hurts like hell, but I will be ok. Remember your marriage didn’t define you and nether will this.

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7 thoughts on “The Top 10 Things I’d Tell a New Ex-Wife”

I LOVE this! We need to hear, over and over again, that it will be OK! It is like a death and it must be grieved and discussed. It’s not going to be easy to come through it but eventually you will! Sharing!

#TeamDivorce I can relate to most of this from the guys perspective….I say most only because my ex is the one that left me and almost two years later is jealous as hell of what I’ve become and uses my daughter as leverage against me. She coparents about as well as I speak Swahili, and I pay the “penis” penalty in family law because that system is corrupt and nothing but a cash grab. Great post!