So some weird guys and half of Russia have concluded the world’s gonna end on Friday. That’s all well and dandy, indeed it gives me a chance to get into the fortune telling business here.

The Ermine can categorically state the world will NOT end on December 21st 2012

And if it does, well, bite me afterwards Which brings me on to what’s puzzling me about preppers who think the world is going to end. Why are they putting so much effort into surviving it? I mean, it’s THE END OF THE WORLD for heaven’s sake, not just some run of the mill zombie attack.

Bugarach, France,apparently a good place to survive the Mayan apocalypse

At least there’s some rationale for people piling into Bugarach because they hope to hitch a ride on a UFO that’s going to arrive in the nick of time. Hopefully they’ll bring back the missing top of the mountain.

Wonder how you hitch a ride on a UFO, somehow just sticking a thumb out doesn’t seem quite enough. Perhaps the good people of Bugarach can update their website with some of the hot news about it all, since the tourist website seems to studiously avoid any mention of the end of the world while talking of the numerous walks in the rural birdsong. Along with the usual delightful Gallic insouciance to the fact that French missed out on being a widely spoken language among the potential tourists of the world… I wonder if kids still learn French at school, my 40-year-old school French was up to the birdsong but not much more. 1

Joanna Fuertes-Knight’s Apocalyptic Dinner for One. Help the lady out with all that Spam, people. (language slightly though not very NSFW, well, whaddya expect on a site called vice.com)

There may be plenty of reasons to stockpile Spam and tinned food. Surviving the end of the world doesn’t seem to be one of them. Gatecrashing Joanna Fuertes-Knight’s Apocalyptic Dinner for One might be a reason, that’s far too much Spam for one girl to eat even if the world has ended

There are some things worth prepping for. Unexpected redundancy, yes. Tolerating the world of work less as you get older, yes. Collapse of the welfare state, hyperinflation, or the value of money becoming destroyed by the inherent inconsistencies in the assumptions we make about it, maybe. Zombie attacks, not so sure about that, nuclear war, have to think about that, probably a lack of fun afterwards y’know. The end of the world? You can’t prep for that ‘cos it’s the End of The World, dammit You’ve already missed the last flight to Mars.

Me, I’m already prepped for Friday. Along with the world ending you’ve also got to prep for the winter solstice, when the shortening of the days is arrested and begins to turn towards the returning of the light. It’s traditionally a time of coming together and celebrating. A bit of this

End of the world? Bring it on!

augmented by some mulled wine is the way to celebrate the Winter Solstice, and if the world ends then I’ll take it straight between the eyes

Someone ought to tell those Mayan guys they need to run out to the shops buy a new calendar, too.

Notes:

Have to take that back, I’ve just looked at VisitIpswich and they’ve achieved a similar fail I was spoiled by the cosmopolitan Carnac tourist site. Even VisitLondon settles for the cheesy Google translation, though at least it’s a hat tip to trying to be customer-friendly. ↩