Cases where Parental Alienation (PA) is present are very different than cases where it is not. Very often however, these cases do not appear that way at first glance.

When parents’ divorce, there is often animosity between the parties, and in many, if not most cases, this acrimony will subside with time. In cases with PA however, the acrimony will typically increase, and the sooner this can be identified the better. The problem is that they often look very similar at the outset.

Why is it important to be able to identify PA cases early on? Because failure to do so, and proceeding as if Parental Alienation is not present, will predict very likely failure. Adding to this is the fact that Family Law Judges often under appreciate the significant damage that PA does to its victims, the children, as they may appear to be thriving with the alienating parent.

It is this collision of circumstances that creates the perfect storm of failure if these cases are not identified early on. They are constitutionally different and must be presented differently.

In cases where PA is not present, many disagreements are eventually negotiated, often with mediation. In these cases, it is not necessary or even advisable to aggressively “go after” the other parent to make the case. In fact doing so, will often backfire and make the attacking parent look badly. In cases where PA is not present, GAL’s may be a very good and helpful role to consider, helping the trier of fact to determine the children’s best interest. In cases were PA is not present, extensive discovery is often not warranted and necessary.

However, when Parental Alienation is present, these typical tools and strategies will be found to be not only ineffective, but also counterproductive. These cases are very different than how they may originally appear, and therefore require different strategies.

Parental Alienation Education for Attorneys

Effective litigation can change the face of Parental Alienation. The National Association of Parental Alienation Specialists, of which I am Co-Founder, has launched a new online workshop, "Litigating Family Law Cases with Parental Alienation" for Family Law Attorneys & others specializing in Family Law. The workshop covers this topic, and more. Click here to sign up for individual modules by topic, or to purchase the 11 module bundle & save $299.90over individual module purchases. $#

I would like an investigation done on our court system. I lost my son due to lack of finance's not for any other reason. Judge Funderburk was the Judge in my case, whom is no longer a Judge. I'm sure if we do some investigating as to why he is no longer a Judge we will see as to why he stepped down. We need to stop accepting these things and actually start fighting for our children, and for our rights as parents. Just because we are not able to afford, the "right" attorney doesn't mean we lose custody of our children. We are supposed to be worrying about who is the most capable, the most fit, and the most stable as well as who has the best interest for our children at heart. Not just who can afford the best attorney, who is best friends with the Judge, who plays golf with them on Saturday, and who has them over for Sunday brunch. I really hope you will look further into our family Court systems and see that they are corrupt and seek further investigation into them.

Now I am not informed of Drs appointments, teachers meetings etc. My son came to my house for my weekend visitation and informed me of a mass on his left breast and that he told his father of it two weeks prior and that his father has not taken him to the Dr. His father has not informed me of this issue, nor taken him to Dr. Last season his father enrolled him in football which I then had to take my son out of due to the fact my son has brachial plexus which is negligence on his father's part because my son was born with brachial plexus. His father knew he had it and yet still enrolled him in it and could have further damaged my son's arm if he continued to play this sport. I'm afraid if my son continues to live with his father he is only going to be in harms way. I'd like someone to contact me as soon as possible so that I can fight to get my son back and get a psychiatric evaluation on his father please.

If I can be of further assistance please don't hesitate to contact me at 918-982-5058.

Sincerely,

Shantelle Anderson

Reply

Carolyn Jones

4/13/2017 12:50:10 am

I can call you, but start you here. My PA has gone on for over 25 years. You have to get an emergency order to get your son back ASAP. If he has mental problems as my son did, get him committed to a hospital. Break the court order, be in contempt but after the independent psych. eval. You will win custody. I'll try to call later. Meantime, fight!
Talk soon.
C.

Reply

Shannon Wilfong

4/5/2017 02:20:45 pm

The nightmare that my son my family and myself are forced to live due to the corruption in the county is best described in the previous comments left by Shantelle Anderson. We live this life as well. There is nothing that she posted that I don't relate too. My son is 14 going on 15 yrs old in September. His father keeps everything in regards to my sons wellbeing completely hidden from me. I know nothing of which goes on in my sons life other than what my son is " Allowed " to tell me. At public events such as basketball games, track meets and even while my son played baseball and even swam on a swim team. I am only allowed limited contact with my son during his sports events. My ex has a lot of pull politically within the county and elsewhere with certain people. Financially he has used and currently using his money to keep my son and I apart.
Parental alienation needs to be fully addressed in the judicial system. Because these ABUSERS such as my ex are getting by with everything. I am only allowed through the court who favored my narcissistic ex to grant my son and I 6hours a month. I have to pay additionally $30.00 an hour to my ex's (girlfriend ) to supervise my visitations with my son. This all happened in 2010. The narcissists has drained me, but I keep going!! I am NOT GIVING UP! It breaks my heart for all of the time that my son and I are missing out on together. The time away from my side of the family that my son is not permitted to be around. My ex thrives for complete power and control and this is all. He is a prison guard and has been for several years and retired military!!! As we all know the mentality oo prison guards. He has manipulated my son and has put fear in my son through the years.
I have been in contact through the years with different representatives and as high as the former president Barack Obama to address what is happening in regards to my situation. The last person I also reached out to was the Governor for Illinois! It seems as though no one cares because this is not happening to them and their loved one.
Anyone reading this may feel free to contact me in regards to this horrible situation. If anyone would be interested in getting a group of people together to help take parental alienation to a higher level with me as stated please contact me.
I know that I am not alone in this. Please come forward and lets make a difference.

Sincerely,
Shannon Wilfong
618 565-7482

Reply

Carolyn Jones

4/26/2017 01:37:13 pm

Hi Shannon,
I tried to call you but your mailbox has not been set up. I am all in with taking this matter to the court systems.
Please write me or I'll try you again later.
I feel your pain!
C

Reply

Beth

10/16/2017 04:54:01 pm

I am about to tackle a very similar situation in Illinois...same area code. I am down to do whatever to keep my baby protected.

Reply

Jennifer

9/30/2018 10:30:26 am

Your story sounds almost just like what im dealing with. My son is 16 yrs old. P.A. Has been going on 2 yrs and I will not stop fighting even though the ignorant court system and GAL gave him full custody:/ I also have to pay for supervised visits and i've never done anything to hurt my son! I admire your tenacity;)

I receive e-mails, or read in our over 150 social media groups of matters regarding Parental Alienation literally daily.

Our own governments statistics clearly state that in the United States in excess of 80% of all non-custodial parents are the fathers, Yet not one father has posted to your article in this blog.

I have also noticed and been chastised for stating this but I believe strongly that the fathers in the United Kingdom are more willing to fight for their parental rights than fathers in the United States.

In that we also have groups and organizations in the UK, this is a fact that is painfully obvious to me. The fathers in the US are more likely to send a meme or just walk away.

My own children are victims of Parental Alienation and miss my children as much as I do every day. I always recognize, through all of my own heartache that it is all OUR CHILDREN who are the true victims in these matters.

Donald Tenn
Christopher, Leesha and Madison's Daddy

Reply

Carolyn Jones

9/30/2018 03:55:17 pm

Donald,
PLEASE do not lump all American men into one category.
There are plenty of men who fight and win custody. I had lost as I was on welfare and he had a better lawyer. In the end, the kids will decide who they want to live with. At that point, you can't force them to stay.

Reply

Holly

12/28/2018 10:22:49 am

I went to college in another town, to better myself, so that my daughter would never have to grow up the way I did... Dirt poor and never having anything. Her father, whom i had broken up with 5 months prior, and I agreed(verbally like an idiot) that he would keep her so I could concentrate on school, and I would get her back when i graduated and came back home.

Everything went well for the first 8 months. I got to see her on the weekends and breaks I could afford to come home, I talked to her on the phone every day, etc... I met my(now ex) bf, and things went rapidly downhill. He stopped answering the phone as often, if he knew i coming in, they 'already had plans they couldn't break' or would flat out disappear with her until he safely knew I was back at school, then he would finally answer the phone. Fast forward, 3 days before my last final exam, a process server comes to the school to find me. Educational director pulls me out of class to tell me about it, and gave me the rest of the day off. I almost failed my last class because of that stress.

OK, so i get home after graduation and I go to the courthouse, they serve me there, but i never got a date for the hearing. Only a paper saying I had 30 days to respond. I tried. But i was told i had to have a lawyer.

So i read through the petition, he's put it in there that i was mentally impaired,(I worked for the department of corrections 5 years, and had pass a psychological eval and an ncic background check) that i abandoned him and my daughter(we were never married) to move away to be with another man, that I was unstable because i didn't have a home(I literally just graduated and hadn't found a job yet) and that I made over 29k per year. I was literally unemployed and on food stamps. But I was never given a date so i didn't show up to court.

Anyway, so I felt that the best thing to do was to play along and be nice, because I could not afford a lawyer to appeal the decision. It worked to my advantage for about a year, until I found a job. Now, is been 10 years since my daughter has loved with him and his grandmother(he will not work and had no intention of working) whom has been institutionalized for mental issues several times in the past. He lives off of her money, and blows child support on stupid things like game systems(that my daughter doesn't even get to play) and won't even buy minutes for her phone that i gave her. I am also a single mom of a son, and i can barely make ends meet because of child support, and I now only get to see her on her birthday and Christmas. I was forced to pay 19,380 on arrears that when the math is done, should have never been more than 7k. And then turned around and got hit for another 11k arrears for that time that i was unemployed after graduation. All total he's gotten over 55k in free money.

My daughter knows I love her, she knows something isn't right. But she's afraid to say anything because she's afraid of him, and her great grandmother. They have had his 2 uncles who are both known methamphetamine addicts living with them on and off for the last 5 years, I've called dcs, because one was arrested with drugs in his possession, inside the home. I confirmed that with the sheriff's department before calling dcs. I also have had 2 people close to them tell me that he has been physically abusive towards them and her.

I am at a loss, i don't know what to do. I can't afford a lawyer, dcs won't do anything because they would have do work.(dcs said that there was no neglect or abuse, yet having meth around a child is a felony child endangerment charge.) She is now old enough that the courts will listen to her wishes, but I'm scared that she won't say she wants to live with me (which she's told several people in her extended family mutual friends of mine and his) because she's scared of him. Please help...

Reply

Leave a Reply.

J. Michael Bone, PhD.

Dr. Bone is an experienced consultant for cases involving Parental Alienation and has spent over 25 years working with high conflict divorce as a therapist, expert witness, mediator, evaluator and consultant, both nationally and internationally.