When Jim Morrison would go on
psychedelic trips, he called it “riding the snake.”
Though I have not been indulging in hallucinogens of late, I have
been playing bucking bronco with my own serpent: Effexor. I share
this account, not to bitch out… Read full post »

Weâ€™re broke, like most of
the 99% these days. We have a house we couldnâ€™t
sell before moving to Californiawhich we rented out until a
sociopath squatted there for almost a year until we evicted her.
That adventure drained our savings and left us borrowing money
f… Read full post »

"The terrible twos" isn't really much different than all other
stages: the kid is going through something in order to become a
funcitonal human and the parents have to deal with the fall-out
without fucking it up too badly.

What is different is the strange melange of language, emotion, and
emergent pe…

Baby has the
croup, which one might think was trounced back in, say, 1818 or
so. But, no--the croup is alive and well and seems to be taking one
child after another in its clammy chokehold. Currently, Baby, who
is almost two, sounds like a three-pack-a-day hamster. She can ba/…

Every morning the drive to work was like a slow squeezing into
someone else’s skin. I walked around in that skin all day,
sometimes holding myself up on the wall when the dizziness and
fatigue were at their worst and no one was looking. People who
loved me told me to… Read full post »

The lease had expired. She hadn’t paid rent in months, yet
she continued to run a day care out of our home in Chicago, so she
was making money. She claimed she would leave, but didn’t.
She became my nemesis: The Squatter.

I don't know if ears can actually
bleed without the eardrum being punctured, but my best guess is
yes, yes they can. I think the flow usually begins when a toddler's
finger connects with a toy's button over and over again without
ceasing so that the demented babble is indelibly impress… Read full post »

I've seen it before: a toddler at her own birthday party,
unwrapping presents. The adults are focused on what's inside the
package (or on their watches, because presents means it's almost
time to go). The toddler, however, is focused on the ribbon, the
paper, the box, and anything else that is…

Some of my worst moments come upon the slow-waking realization of
Baby crying. There's the murmuring, whimpery cry, still very close
to the fabric of sleep. My muscles tense, but my breathing is still
slow. She may still return to slumber. If the crying is punctuated
by a sharp/…

Everyone keeps telling me that having a baby at Christmas makes it
even more special. Perhaps when she is able to do more than put
tree needles in her mouth and pull the ornaments of the tree, this
will be true. I have always been a bit of a curmudgeon around…

I always
said "Thank you," but I didn't always mean it (i.e. socks). There.
I said it (now I love getting socks).

Everyone
knows there are some Christmas presents that are far superior to
others. As a kid, there were certain presents that took on
legendary status. They were so completely awesome,… Read full post »

Before having Baby I watched as friends ramped up for their
child's first birthday. Cakes were made in interesting shapes.
Plates, cups, and candles were purchased to match. Goody bags were
constructed. Games were planned. Cute invitations were designed and
sent well in advance.

I haven't clocked her, but I think Baby can crawl abnormally fast.
It's not cheetah fast, but I am fairly sure that a mathematician
could construct a proportionate calculus problem that would show
that she is impossibly quick for an infant.

The idea of the zoo makes me happy. I can see all kinds
of animals that I will probably never have the chance to see in the
wild. Hopefully, it inspires people to protect these amazing
creatures and the places they live. Perhaps some of the animals
were rescued, or are/…