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zw3: pulchritudinous pandas

Intrepid journalist Hank Talbot continues his exposé of the disturbing political agenda behind the zoo world facebook propaganda blitz.

As I commence this third chapter in the sordid story of zoo world facebook indoctrination, I am again filled with regret. I am, after all, 27, single, and on facebook. It should come as no surprise that the preponderance of facebook ads directed my way include lots of attractive women, cleavage, or some combination of the two. Very few, if any, of these ads seem to be concerned with political subversion. It is with great reluctance that I once again shoulder the burden of journalistic duty, ignore the bodacious babes, and return to the thankless task of thwarting the thinly-veiled ideological extremism behind the zoo world propaganda machine.

pulchritudinous pandas

how to sustain your dragon

Let us begin by examining the advertisement in question. If you are a regular reader of fantastic drivel (a creature about as easy to find as a sasquatch, it seems), you will no doubt sense the deep political undercurrents churning beneath the bright colours and cheerful text, waiting to drag you under in a riptide of dogmatic propaganda.

pulchritudinous pandas

In a different context, the idea of “exposed breeding” might be quite titillating. The inclusion of “zoo” somewhat diminishes the titillation-factor, as does the picture of a gawkish gal fondling some poor panda. The confusing caption ratchets the t-factor down a couple more notches with a vapid phrase that trails off dreamily into an ellipsis . . . only to slap us in the face with an imperative tagline punctuated by a cliché slammer.

We are bored. Our guard is down. It seems improbable that such a limp string of text could effectively belie the kind of political machinations we’ve seen from the zoo world folks in the past. But this flaccid prose, my friends, is nothing but a fluffer pink smokescreen; an affected apathy as part of a brilliant rhetorical diversion.

The truly significant text in this ad is not in the title, nor in the caption. It is partially obscured by the fondled panda, and is difficult to make out because of the 72 ppi web graphic resolution of the picture. However: an intrepid journalist in the 21st century is not without a few high-tech resources for such obstacles. I called in a favour from a friend in a top CSI lab (who helped on the condition of total anonymity). After running the graphic through several million enhancement algorithms, she sent back the most promising results:

no enhance (original)

This is the original graphic, enlarged but without any enhancement.

what's in the hut?

enhance algorithm 11082104

Although my CSI friend has had some bad experiences with this enhance algorithm in the past, she felt this result was relatively trustworthy.

Compare with the photo below.

live !! panda show

Both feature a single-room “hut” structure. Both have a variation of the “Live ____ Show” sign. Both have a girl standing out front holding something. Sure it’s a cell phone, not a panda; but the similarity is undeniable.

quite the show

Although the “Adult Palace” is, sadly, no longer in operation, in its heyday it was surely a hotspot for guys interested in seeing a show featuring a live girl. Or guys with a lot of quarters. Or both. I’m not sure any actual “breeding” went on inside, but with enough quarters . . . well, who knows. Suffice to say, if this enhance algorithm is accurate, there might be some kind of sexy panda show going on inside that zoo world hut. Panda-lovers, don’t forget your quarters!

Another related example: the Paper Maxim Show Club. You wouldn’t know that’s the name of the place unless you googled it. By the signage, it looks like the place is called “Live Show.” Or maybe “Topless Live Show.” In fact, a local billboard advertises it as “Live Show: formerly the Paper Tiger.” Perhaps taking a cue from John Lennon (“But if you go carrying pictures of chairman Mao / You ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow”), the management ditched the “Paper Tiger” name in favour of “Live Show.” Even if the average member of the stripclub audience hasn’t boned up on Mao’s famous 1957 speech, the management probably figured a switch to “Topless Live Show” would increase their chances of making it with anyone. Anyhow . . . it probably encouraged more boning up in the audience.