Archive for U.S. House of Representatives

Another snark-filled guest post by the one, the only Will Durst, who's having a little fun with Eric Cantor's stunningly humiliating defeat. Or as Will calls it, "feeding the beast that ends up devouring you." Speaking of devouring, with his usual snark, Durst does just that to the paraphrased headlines "Cantor Eats Crow." And speaking of eating, welcome to another episode of Republicans Eating Their Own. Take it away, Will:

CROW MEDIUM RARE

A massive Earthquake rolled through the Republican Establishment after Eric Cantor became the 1st sitting House Majority Leader to lose in a primary since, well… ever. Going back to 1899, the 19th Century. Back when Mugwumps bought buggy whips and the Emperor of Russian lunched with the Viceroy of India.

In terms of wake up calls for GOP incumbents, this elbow to the ribs from the right is the equivalent of having your alarm clock replaced by a battalion of Taiko drummers. In the hold of a container ship. With Marshall amps pinning the red and the reverb switched to infinity sustain.

GOP insiders offered a number of theories for the upset. Bad polling. Disconnection with base. Low voter turnout. Democrats in an open primary. Ambition the size of Montana. Didn’t get as many votes as the other guy. Butterfly ballots. Michelle Obama. The World Cup. Approaching El Nino.

But mostly: back when he was midwifing their birth in 2009, Cantor was considered very very Tea Party. Now, not so much. Classic case of feeding the beast that ends up devouring you. Kind of a Siegfried and Roy sort of thing. “Eric Cantor the RINO.” You got to admit: that’s pretty humorous. Like saying… Dick Cheney the Peacenik or Colonel Sanders the vegan.

Let this be a lesson to all squishy moderates out there: the Tea Party has the same tolerance for tolerance that SWAT teams have for swatting. The Redneck Taliban. Though responsible for scuttling the Boehner/ Obama Grand Bargain and fanning the flames of the government shutdown, Cantor might have read the word “compromise” in a book once. And that is unacceptable.

Don’t you get it? That anti- colonial socialist Obama is ruining the country and if you don’t think so, you don’t love America enough and can go back to Europe and eat crescent rolls on your 6 week vacation.

The man who would be Speaker lost his 7th District Virginia Congressional seat by 11 points to Dave Brat, a doctor of economics who teaches at Randolph- Macon College in Ashland Virginia, a private Methodist liberal arts college 92 miles from the US Capitol. And who, in November’s general election, will be facing a Democrat named Jack Trammell, a doctor who teaches sociology at Randolph- Macon College in Ashland Virginia. Guess you could call their upcoming debates a partial Randolph- Macon College faculty retreat.

The New York Times calculated Cantor spent more money at steakhouses than Brat raised for his whole campaign. But that is simply not true. Cantor only spent $168,000 at various DC meat palaces while Brat raised close to $200,000. So, the Congressman only spent 17/20th on scorched cow flesh compared to what Brat raised. The irony is, now, all Eric Cantor gets to eat is crow.

Of course Brat only used $123,000 of that two hundred grand in his campaign, which gets us to the Times claim, but that’s nitpicking. Nitpicking, being a grand Washington hobby, which Cantor might want to pick up, seeing as he has some unexpected free time on his hands.

Who knows what the future holds for John Boehner’s former go- to- guy. Cantor could become a lobbyist or a consultant. He might even want to write a paper on climate change. After all, who else could provide such a first hand eyewitness account… of hell freezing over?

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his new one- man show “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG,” info about the documentary film “3 Still Standing,” and a calendar guide to personal appearances including June 20 & 21 in Winters & San Rafael.

The affable McCarthy, now the No. 3 Republican in the House, is by no means the top choice among tea party lawmakers who believe the current leadership is tied too closely to the party's establishment wing.

But wait... Texas Rep. Pete Sessions wants to be the next House majority leader, too. Oh noes!

Cat fight!

But since "the affable" Kevin McCarthy "is supposedly all but assured of becoming the next House majority leader," it's an appropriate time to take a second look at the representative from Bakersfield, California. Via another article from the L.A. Times:

McCarthy rails against endangered species protections. He crusades against California's high-speed rail project. He helped inspire the budget brinkmanship that forced a partial shutdown of the federal government for 16 days last fall, closing national parks, delaying oil drilling permits and furloughing 850,000 workers. [...]

His signature issues include easing environmental rules that limit use of water by Central California farmers. He is also a close ally of the oil and gas industry, and pushes for policies that preserve its ability to conduct hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, in California.

The likely next House majority leader doesn't sound very affable to me.

Hang on, here we go. This must be the affable part:

He is a prodigious fundraiser, widely praised by colleagues for helping their campaigns and for presiding as a kind of informal social director. He hosts movie nights, bike rides around Washington and other bonding opportunities for his caucus.

He also loves taking long walks on the beach, gazing at sunsets, engaging in deep conversation, holding hands, reading romance novels, and playing Mahjong. Oh but I kid the Kev.

Come to think of it, Rep. Social Director is beginning to sound a little like Julie McCoy (old "Love Boat" reference... very old... too old)...

This is the guy-- Rep. Frack You, Rep. Who Gives a Crap About the Environment, Rep. Government Shutdown-- who the tea party deems not conservative enough? You heard right, future House majority leader McCarthy, with all his right wingitude, is still not their cup of... you know.

According to House conservatives, we can wave bye-bye to the current Speaker of the House of Representatives, the one, the only John Boehner. Per The Hill, Boehner's been running around trying to convince everyone that he'll run for Speaker again after the November elections. Apparently, his credibility is shot, because those same House conservatives aren't buying it:

Conservative Reps. Raúl Labrador (R-Idaho) and Matt Salmon (R-Ariz.) told reporters Tuesday that they didn’t believe Boehner would seek another term after the November midterm elections. [...]

The conservatives were asked to respond to a report that Boehner were hatching a plan to punish members who refused to vote for him on the floor in January, two years after a group of conservatives failed in their bid to deny him the 218 votes he needed to win a second term as Speaker.

Twelve members didn't vote for The Boehner for Speaker, including Labrador. Salmon did. In addition, awhile back Rep. Mo Brooks (Ala.) told The Hill he didn't expect Boehner to run this time around.

Boehner insists he has strong support, despite what House conservatives are saying. If only he were good at his job, one might give his opinion some credence. Rachel Maddow reached that conclusion way back in February 2011: Strong indications John Boehner is bad at his job.

A Montana Republican who is running for a seat in the U.S. House of Representative is calling for a "moratorium on all immigration." Why? Because, according to Drew Turiano, if we let those lefty liberal commie pinko Marxist Kenyan gay French Mexican immigrants cross the borders, they'll all vote for Democrats. And if that happens, you know what comes next, right?

*Ominous music, deep echoing voice* The End of the Republican Party!

So clearly, the best remedy is to full on stop anyone from entering our territory. Gotta keep this country white and conservative, dammit!

“I believe in a moratorium on all immigration to America,” he said. “The reason I believe in that, it will be the end of conservatism in this country. The majority of immigrants who come to America are big government people. They’re going to mostly support the party of big government, the Democrat Party. They will not support the party of small government, the Republican Party.

“Because this is a fact of life, it will mean that the Republican Party will never win another national election again in about 10-15 years time. … I’m hoping that we can do something to immigration and put a stop to it, so the Republican Party doesn’t go the way of the Whigs.”

Drew Turiano's pitch to voters? "I will do only what’s in the best interests of the people of Montana and the people of my country.”

Instead, he believes that by preventing diversity, we can suppress Democratic votes and postpone the demise of the GOP. Drew must have also forgotten that they've already written their own autopsy.

It must have slipped what's left of his mind that the Party of No has managed to further exacerbate its outreach problem (scroll) and alienate voters all on its own without resorting to a complete immigration ban. Wake up, Drew, your party is already well on its way to a self-imposed obsolescence.