TURN ON/OFF

Does it turn you on or does it turn you off? Sex therapist Miriam Baker explores the deeper side of sexual expression. Good at saying what you like? How about what you don't like? Fantasies and the power of expression all come into play.

Find out what your fantasies and power of expression might be doing to undermine or overtake your sex life. And yes, it does, "take two to tango..."

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What turns you off?

There are so many articles that address "how to get turned on;" the real issue is in what turns someone off.

What turns someone off is what lies within you.

Meaning, being turned off is a mental apparatus, highly individualized to your own sexual makeup.

It is also highly idiosyncratic.

If there is a fine line between what is sexy and what is not, the same is for what turns us on and off.

The mechanism that sends erotic stimuli to the brain begins in early childhood.

We lay down memory tracks for erotic impulses.

The ability to be repulsed or move away from erotic stimuli is as different from person to person as are all other human characteristics.

A patient complains that his partner talks about other men and her sexual experiences with them from the past.

Her explicit descriptions have turned him off on many occasions.

She in turn gets aroused telling him these stories.

His idiosyncratic stamp is rooted in monogamy.

Hers is rooted in exhibitionism.

This mental apparatus runs the gamut of fantasies through our minds.

We use our fantasies even when engaged in actual sex with a partner.

We in fact create the fantasy of that partner.

When we turn off to a partner it is often our own choice and creation.

The road to the 'turn off' originates first in your brain and then in the dynamics with whom you are relating.

Respecting the turn off is crucial for you in that it is self-acceptance.

When a turn off happens in the coupleship it is a signal that something is wrong.

Of most importance, what is wrong may not actually be about sex, but the brain may translate it into such.