Rising to the bait

So often clients in anger management are suckers in getting hooked with other angry people ending up attacking each other. Unfortunately it is the last thing that will help. Listening gives power. It is the last place the angry person wants to be as he sees it as a passive space and he will get hurt if he doesn’t attack back.

Knowing where the other person is coming from immediately provides an edge up. Acknowledging the other’s frustrations is the smart way to start . Giving them the opportunity to put their point of view takes the lid off the pot and allows the steam to come out. The one who is angry sees the other as the enemy and the goal is to appear as his ally. Unfortunately scared people fight scared people. This is compounded by body language and facial expressions where much unconscious communication is registered.

Low self esteem takes over. Learning to step back and be in touch with one’s own feelings moves us from knee jerk reaction to probable resolution. This requires thinking beyond the what’s in your face issue to some bigger picture. Know the scared person only attacks people and does not address the issue. Address the issue, move from the first person to the third person, from “you “ to “it”.See the bigger picture, what ever the issue is and take charge.