That Really CHAPS MY ASS!

03Feb

Proper Use of Chapstick

When I was a little kid, 3 or 4 years old, one of the favorite things my Dad said when he got upset was “That really chaps my ass!” I heard that a lot. One day I was digging around in my Mom’s purse, at church, and found a little cylinder with a cap and some type of greasy stuff that the cap was covering. I asked my Mom what it was, she reminded me to whisper, then told me it was called “Chapstick”.

Maybe it was because we were at church but I didn’t ask anymore questions. Later at home I decided to use the Chap Stick so I went and found it, in my Mom’s purse, removed the cap and smeared it on. It felt a little funny and even burned, but no big deal. Frankly I didn’t see what the benefit of this stuff was. Over the next week I tried it several times, and decided it was a waste of time.

About a week went by and my Mom came to my room, Chapstick in hand. She has a puzzled look on her face. The cap was off and she was sniffing it. As she brought the Chapstick towards me and my nose I panicked and ran out of the room. I hid in the built in clothes hamper. It was easy for my parents to find me, but hard for them to get to me!

Finally she coaxed me out of the hamper but only after she promised not to make me smell the Chapstick. Another five minutes passed before I was able to clearly explain why I was so concerned about having that Chapstick in my face and my overall misunderstanding of it’s appropriate use.

My Dad never did say “That really chaps my ass!” again.

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Ii can understand how anyone could make that mistake, that the Chapstick was intended to be used on the apperture at the other end of your alimentary canal. Based on the expression, “that chaps my ass” is not the best word choice. Your mistake could have been avoided if the verb “chafe” was used in the expression instead.

Great comment, thanks. Truth be told this is just something that I came up with one evening while I was talking to my wife and two teen age girls. I did take aspects of my life and interweave into the story but my Dad very seldom cursed and if he did it was very rare.