Courtney Stodden Kicked Out of Pumpkin Patch Cuz Ur Mom’s Jelly

[Ed. Note: These are all entirely different photos from the other day because she posed for roughly 500,000 of them. Shocking, I know.]

If you’re like me and a lover of America and all the freedom it affords, you probably haven’t been able to sleep since finding out Courtney Stodden was kicked out of a pumpkin patch for practicing her barely legal love of Doug Hutchison and all the taint showing that’s entitled to under the Constitution. So who could’ve committed such a heinous crime against liberty? Turns out it’s moms. Those jealous, jealous moms. Via E! News:

“The dads loved it!” she exclaimed. Hutchison agreed, but put a more kid-friendly spin on what went down.
“There were a lot of people who wanted to take pictures with us,” he said, “and we overheard a dad say to his little girl, ‘Oh look, honey, they have a pumpkin-patch girl this year.'” (Nice save, mystery dad!)
Hutchison continued, “A lot of the kids thought she was a pumpkin-patch princess and there was a handful of concerned moms who went to the owners and said, ‘Get her out.'”

“OMGZ! This is Facebook all over again!! I just wanted to trolloply trance through tilted tangles of tantalizing pumpkins while tittily tumbling Doug’s tawdry testicles in a tight teddy that tickles my turgid tan tomatoes. – Ezekiel 12:13″