In a nutshell, this would be my approach to immigration:1. Let the illegals come right over.2. They just need to give us a little info (name, age, birthdate). At each border, there is an instant registration. Immigrants come right in. 3. The first year they are here, they have to work at a special "camp". They could make things for WalMart, or be taken out to places to clean highways. 4. They'd get "3 hots and a cot" for that year at no charge.5. After the year, they'd get $1000, cash money

In short, they'd be providing a real contribution to society, and would not over-burden the system. They'd also have a greater respect for being a citezen, since they had to work for it.

There are some who would argue, "but would some illegals still come over?" These people are idiots who are missing the big picture. We don't tell the foreigners about the camps until they've signed the papers and are on the US truck. Then we make sure that they don't mention the camps in any correspondence back home. If they mention it, they get an extra year's service tacked on. Simple and effective, believe you me.

The Danish Cartoons
Simply put, aren't cartoons supposed to be funny, except for Mary Worth, Johnny Quest, and a couple others. Those cartoons that the Danish guy did are just stupid. I mean it's obvious, draw a picture of Mohammed gay-marrying Osama, and you've got comedy gold!

Laughing All the Way... TO HELL!!!Mood: on fire
Yes, that means you Mr. Stewart and Mr. Letterman. Don't even try to make light on the War on Christmas. People probably laughed at Jesus back in the day, too. Know what happened to them? They're somewhere deep below your feet, Satan is roasting marshmallows on their rears, forcing them to watch "Brokeback Mountain", and act out all the kissing parts with other guys.

KwaanzaMood: quizzical
Does anyone really celebrate Kwaanza? I've bought Kwaanza cards, and given them to some of the black people I know, but a lot of them have told me they'd rather receive Christmas cards. Since I bought a whole box of cards, I sent the rest to some of my white friends. Funny stuuf!

Pre-Emptive Strikes
As we have seen in the War on Terror, the true way to victory is through pre-emptive strikes. I feel this also applies in the War to Save Christmas. That's why I am asking all readers of my blog to take it to the streets, not just by boycotting stores, but by placing Christian paraphenalia throughout them. Additionally, I highly recommend pointing out the errors in not only secularist thinking, but also kindly letting those of other faiths know that they are on a track to hell where the only redemption is through our Lord and savior Jesus Christ. Please note, although I refer to this as a war, please do not go around beating up or killing non-Christians.

Christianity- Under Attack! Fight!Mood: loudTopic: Outrage!!!
I'm back, and I'm outraged! We Christians have been victimized long enough in this country by the secularists and pagans and their desire eliminate any remnants of Christianity from our society. Walmart cannot tell people "Merry Christmas", even though they can devote an entire portion of their store to providing Christmas trees, wreaths, stockings, mangers, etc. This is obviously an outrage!!!! That's why I want not only a boycott of Walmart, but I want a competitor to pick up the reigns and not only say "Merry Christmas" during this Christmas season, but to say "Christ is Lord" when giving me back my change during any time of the year. That's taking this country and our shopping back from the heathens!

Last year, some of you may recall, I had a campagin for Children to have their pictures taken with Jesus in the department stores, rather than Santa. Last year, this idea was obviously ahead of its time. This year, we need this kind of message out there remind America we are a Christian nation, and we will stand our ground. If there are any department store owners reading this who want to participate, just leave a note in the contacts section, or send me an e-mail. Also, if there's anyone out there looking like Jesus (the typical Jesus, not any of the freaky, new-age type Jesus depictions), but not into drugs or heavy metal. Leave a note and we can put you in touch with the department stores. We need to act fast, only 27 days to go.

Tales of Inspiration from KatrinaMood: a-ok
There are tons of stories we are hearing in the wake of Katrina, but none really put it all into perspective and reveal the triumph of the human spirit like the one I got in my e-mail from Reggie (attached).

"Mr Candra,Let me start this off by saying I was a fool to stay in New Orleans, but I wanted to protect my melon stand from looters. I must admit, I am used to fate dealing me a bad hand, as my parents died from drug overdoses when I was a boy, and I was unoficially "Adopted" by gay-married voodoo worshipers. I ran away when I was fifteen, began reading the Bible and pulled my self up by my bootstraps to become a rather wealthy melon stand proprietor, pulling in hundereds of dollars a month. Life was great, and then came Katrina.

Like I said, I couldn't let my life's work be ravaged by the savages of this city. I bought the strongest chain I could find, and wrapped one end of it around the wagon and padlocked the other end to the biggest strongest tree I could find. Then I waited. I waited until the winds got so strong I could hardly stand straight. I climbed twenty-five feet or so up the tree and tied myself to the trunk, aroung my waist. Armed with a shotgun and 5 shells, I felt I'd be ready, since basically all I had to do was shoot one looter, and the corpse would be a pretty firm warning for anyone else.

As it turned out, the storm surge swept my stand away in minutes. There was nothing left but the chain, and melon rinds resembling the end of a Gallagher show. My life's work, gone in a flash. Shortly after the water started to rise, and was creeping ever closer to my feet. If things kept up, I knew I'd be a casualty, like the ones who floated by below. I was so overcome with despair, I almost took the shotgun to myself, but it fell from my hands, perhaps by God's will, and sank into the rising water.

As night fell, I had finished the last piece of Sinckers I had in my pocket and I was panicked. I unfastened myself, and floated away. An hour later, I could make out the shillouette of a roofline, and steered myself toward it and climbed up. then inspiration hit me. Using the rope I had tied myself to the tree with, I made a makeshift raft from the dead cajuns which floated past, and embarked on a voyage back to civilization.

The moral of my story is obvious, Mr Candra. Don't stop believing. Hold on to that feeling.

Thanks,Reggie"

No, Reggie, thank you, and God bless.

PS- I had to throw the refugees off my property after some of my wife's jewelry ended up missing. It's a shame, too. The lawn never looked so good.

Pitching InMood: a-ok
Hurricane Katrina is obviously a tragedy, and I'm not going to point fingers and hand out blame. It's time to make things better. When one has means, he should pitch in and help out those in need or less fortunate than them. For instance, I have taken in several displaced evacuees, and given them a place to stay on my ranch. I am also providing them meals, and a sense of self-worth by giving them jobs to do around the grounds. I may even give them a little extra cash so they can go out and take in a movie on the weekend.

The Answer at Last
"I wish all the mean people, if you want to be mean to each other, just buy a country together and blow each other up. Then we'd have no terrorists left. Like, don't kill innocent people for no reason. It's not fair. WE love everybody. We'd even like THEM if they said they're sorry. It's not fair that innocent people are getting hurt. It makes me sad.”

- TARA REID, commenting on the London bombings in the latest episode of TARADISE

Even More Gay TVMood: loudTopic: Outrage!!!
I'm beggining to think it would be easier to point out the heterosexual shows on television rather than the Gay ones, as the numbers seem to be overwhelming. Anyway, "BJ and the Bear" is obviously a show deeply rooted in sexual deviance.

Consider the name alone. For those readers with unsoiled ears, "BJ" is a term some deviants use for an unnatuaral sexual practice which I shall not dignify by defining further here. "Bear" is a term in the gay community for a big, hairy gay guy, like Dom Deluise, except gay.

Then there's the premise, BJ, a trucker by trade, travels the country with Bear, his male ape companion and finds adventure along the way. Seems innocent enough at first glance, right? It does until you realize the perverse nature of truckers, going from rest stop to rest stop in search of gay satisfaction. This show was aimed at young people with the sole purpose of preparing a whole new generation of gay truckers. How can I say that? Because the chickens have come home to roost. You cannot even relieve yourselves at one of these roadside restrooms without practically tripping over two guys (ore more) kissing. The US government has even had to redesign rest area stalls to decrease these roadside trysts!

You may be thinking "Al, BJ and the Bear is a 20 year old show, what relevancedoes it have today?" Obviously, it's because the gays are trying to reach out to the next generation, so be vigilant, wise sheep, and report any of those recruitment incidents here.

Pullout of Iraq? Are You Nuts?!!!Mood: loudTopic: Outrage!!!
So the Dems are pushing that much harder for a cut and run timetable. All I can say is are those guys really that crazy?!! You exit now, regardless of your opinion of the war, and planes will be crashing into every damned US landmark the very next day.

Has it ever occured to these people that the reason that Iraq can't handle the simple goal of creating a constitution may just have something to do with the fact that they'd really rather not be their own independent country? It's not like they had any independence under Sadaam, so how do they know any better?

On the other hand, why not just make Iraq a US territory? I've brought this one out before, and some of the readership gave me a hard time, but it's time to call a spade a spade- The Iraqi people are just not smart enough to govern themselves. I think we give them at least a "charter run" as a US territory, and if it doens't work out after a couple of years, we can at least say we really tried, and possibly the Iraqi people will be smart enough to rule themselves properly by then.

Karl Rove- HeroMood: amorous
Why does the left just want to tear down anything that represents decency? Nixon, Oliver North, Tom Delay and now, Karl Rove. The liberals want to bring America down from the inside, just like Al Queda. And like Al Queda, they don't care who they hurt in order to meet their end. In fact, I'll go as far as to say the Democratic party may well be the largest sleeper cell in the US, and I don't think I'm exagerating.Karl Rove is a hero. He has shaped this country into the Juggernaut it is today, possibly even more than my man, W. In this case, he helped bring out the nepotistic tendecies of the CIA, such as giving their spouses trips of a lifetime to such exotic locales as Niger, and the liberals somehow want to spin this as treason?!

Madagascar and Subliminal RacismMood: loudTopic: Outrage!!!
I went to see Madagascar this weekend with my family to have a little wholesome family fun. The movie seems okay, nothing great, but okay, yet the whole time, something seemed not quite right. I couldn't put my finger on it at the time, but I just felt uneasy.

Later in the day, it started to come together. This movie is racist. Not in the typical "black are weak" or "Jews are greedy" way, but in a much more sinister fashion. Consider these points:

1. Chris Rock plays a zebra, an animal that is part black, part white in Central Park zoo. He adds a bunch of "izzles" to his lines, just to show you how hip and urban (read black) he is. What is his main ambition in this film? TO GO BACK TO AFRICA!!!!

2. Who plants this idea into his head? The penguins. Penguins are blacker than zebras, about 75% of a penguin is black, as zebras are basically 50/50. The penguins are depicted as a violent, sociopathic bunch, just adding to more racial stereotyping.

After a series of events, the zebra, his Jewish lion and Giraffe friends, played by Ben Stiller and David Schwimmer, respectively, end up in Madagascar along with Jada Pinkett Smith, who plays a hippo (a gray animal, again a combination of black and white).

In Madagascar they help a tribe of lemurs (part of the monkey family) overcome oppression so they can sing and dance hip-hop all day. The lemurs are voiced by Cedric the Entertainer, and Ali-G!!!

So in a nutshell, here is the subliminal racist message of the movie. Blacks should go back to Africa for multiple reasons, inlcuding to help their monkey breathren.

Please keep in mind, I am only pointing out these facts as facts, I do not agree with any of the viewpoints which these sinister cartoonists have depicted in this film. Please direct your outrage at the cartoonists, not me.

Lay off DeLayMood: irritated
Dedicated readers,I'm not usually one to advocate violence, unless it involves supporting our troops, but if you hear anyone making personal attacks against Tom DeLay, I want you to smack them in the back of the head. DeLay is a good and decent man who supports the culture of life. To support that culture costs money, and to that end, Mr. DeLay has done what he has to do. Besides, what he did with Indian Gaming is brilliant:1. He took money from the Indian Gaming community, thus reducing their overall profit2. He used that money to prevent other Indian Gaming establishments from developing

In other words, he's sort of bringing down Indian Gaming from the inside, and if you can't see that, you're obviously just blinded by partisanship.

Pope Adolf?Mood: not sure
I'm not so sure that going with a former Hitler Youth for Pope is exactly the best PR for Catholics. I still think James Dobson would have made a great new Pope for the 21st century. I'm not Catholic anyway, so no big deal, I guess.

American PopeMood: a-ok
Ladies and Gentlemen,I've been trying to put together a good list of names for American candidates for the Papalcy. So far, I've got Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, and Dr. James Dobson. All three of these men would be ideal candidates, except that they are not actually Catholic. They are all married, too, which would be normal for guys their age, but is typically frowned upon when running for pope. Perhaps if they let their priests/bishops/cardinals/etc get married, they wouldn't have to worry nearly as much about them becoming sexual deviants, but I digress. Please let me know of any other names of people you feel would be good as an American pope.