Call Me Darling

It's a strange thing, but over the past couple of years I've started to notice that more and more people are calling me Darling, or sometimes, Sweetheart and occasionally, Love. Unlike some, I don't get offended by this - (I've been called worse) and it doesn't bother me that it might sound patronising when there is clearly no intention on the part of the darling, sweetheart, love calling person to insult. But I do wonder what it is about me that has brought on this new status.

Now I come to think about it, there have always been people who called me Darling - my mum, for a start. She still calls me that, but although it is always meant affectionately, I can't take it too personally when there are so many others she calls by the same term of endearment. There's my dad, my brother, sister, all her grandchildren - the list goes on and I am less special the more I think about it.

My dad too, when I was a child, he often called me darling, though that was mostly because he tended to forget my name. There were three of us and whichever one of his children he was addressing got called by all three of our names. This made me either - Sally Mark Deborah, or - Mark Sally Deborah - often followed by, 'whatever...' The only thing that was consistent was that our own name came last. So in Dad's case, Darling made life simpler because by the time he'd got to the second of our three names, we had often upped and left without hanging around to find out what he wanted.

There have always been people who will use the term Darling, even when addressing someone they don't know, and this varies from area to area, along with other names like, Chook, Cock, Duck, etc. But where I come from, Darling and Love and the more blokey - Mate, are more popular. And it's not always said in affection, either - like yesterday, I wandered down to the crossing and obediently stood admiring the newly painted stripes across an entirely empty road, thinking my thoughts - what to cook for tea, should I walk the dogs before I cook, I could do with a nice soak in a hot bath - my back's killing me - overdone it in the garden, probably. I dug over two beds and planted potatoes - nothing like home grown potatoes - and tomatoes - so much tastier than shop ones. Actually, I could nip over to the garden centre tomorrow and pick some tomato plants up - Ooh, and some strawberry plants. Did we get enough Easter eggs ?... By now the crossing had two long lines of traffic piled up on either side, and I'm pretty sure the guy who wound down his window and called me Darling, wasn't feeling much in the way of affection. I could tell, not only be his tone of voice as he yelled, 'In - yerown toim - Dawlin!' but by the way he shook a fist at me as I crossed the road. Still, I did enjoy the applause I received when I finally reached the other side.

But as I've said, it's puzzling to me that more people are addressing me by terms of endearment. I started to wonder if I have crossed over into a different age-group where this suddenly happens. I mean - it's not just older people who call me Darling these days, it's people of my own age and young people, too - neighbours, people in shops, people I know, ones I've never seen before... my own daughters, for goodness sake! I don't think I can suddenly look that much older because I'm still at the stage where people think when I'm out with my young grandchildren that I'm their mum. I'm wondering if it's nothing to do with me at all and that instead, it's the latest fashion, or if everyone is just getting more luvvy as time goes on.

My husband doesn't call me Darling very often - he usually calls me, Deborah - because it's my name, and often shortens it to Deb. And I call him John because although it's not his name, which is Norman after his dad, for as long as I've known him he's always been called by his middle name. I do have other names for him - but that's not for here.

So now I am everybody's darling and although I don't know why this has sneaked up on me, or if it has been this way for longer than I had previously noticed, I'm just wondering if I am responding in the correct manner. So far, I have managed never to react. Take the supermarket - it might go something like this -
'Excuse me darling, would you like to come to this till to save you a queue? Follow me, Sweetheart...' And then at the till -
'That'll be six thousand pounds and 99p, Sweetie, and there's your receipt and a penny change, Darling.'

I just say, 'Thank you.' But is that right? Should I call them Darling, back? What is correct? If anyone can advise me on this matter, I'd be very grateful.

Comments

Our neighbour has a cat and when calling it in always follows its name with 'sweetie', it is in no way sweet when it leaves nasty smells in my garden.

The other thing I've noticed, (or is it just particular to where I live ?) is that shop assistants will greet you with 'Yor right?' I imagine they mean are you alright. My husband insists on replying to this, 'I've got a pain in my leg or some such silly remark. He is usually ignored.

Hi Jenny, so happy you laughed. Interestingly, my dad has stopped calling me by my brother and sister's names and now often just calls me Jenny, which is my aunties's (his sister's) name - and sometimes - Jen. I answer to anything these days.

Bee, you're very sweet. I'm not sure if it is age related, here in the Southwest everyone says ,sweetheart', 'my love' and even 'my lover'. Might be linked to gender, though. So 'cheer up darling it might never happen! Elsie

I would also like to tell you that I very much like the way in which you put your viewpoints across both in prose and in poetry. Much of your writing is gentle rather than showy, with a touch of humour and yet crystal clear in its direction. It feels authentic and real.

I don't think I notice getting any more endearing type comments now than I did when I was younger, but I really enjoy it and smile at whoever says it, but never say it back. A lot of these phrases are typically English, and I was quite surprised to be called Mate when I first came here. In fact it was my brother-in-law who said it at our reception, and he noticed my confusion and explained that he didn't mean what I probably thought he meant.

Made me chuckle.Darling is nothing but affectionate and far from geriatric.Imagine if people called you duck.My partner only calls 'certain people' duck. He says they're a 'type' of person.I notice he doesn't call very young people 'duck.' Or sexy women with barely any clothes on. If he called me duck, I'd leave. Darling's better than babe.But babe feels quite filthily young. Sweetheart's past it. The sod.I 'got this' Bee. Most annoying.

Glad you had a chuckle, Vera, that's what is all about, really. I've never been called 'Duck' yet, although when we stopped at a service station in Nottingham a couple of years ago, the ladies serving breakfast called John 'Duck'. I think he quite liked the fuss they were making of him. It's funny how it changes from area to area and between ages, too. I'm just waiting for people to start calling me, Dear - oh no...

Oh Bee! What a problem to have, all these people calling you darling. Now, as you know, I come from somewhere that you know, so there are rules to this thing.

1. I ALWAYS call someone ( female) "Darling." Saves so much time trying to remember their name. They then return the compliment with "babe". Now, I know I'm not their babe, but its a way for them to respond without having to remember MY name.

2. "Mate", this is okay for different situations. It can be used in a nice way, as in "Can I get you a beer mate?". Or, in a bad way, as in "Oi mate, move you're f..king car!"

3. "Geez" , now we are on to another level. "Cheers Geez" is for someone you know ( male) when they have done you a favour.

4. "Sweetheart". Awkward one, this is normally reserved for your mates mum. She walks into the pub and you say " Hello sweetheart, can I get you a drink?". "Darling" is not appropriate for this occasion.

5. "Me Son". Only, and I mean only, when you first meet someone after a long time. Lets say the guys been away for a while. he walks into the pub. You say " Hello me son, how you doing?" You never use it after that. When he says he has that money he owes you, you say "Cheers Geez". Then he buys you a drink and says " This is yours mate".

6. "Babe" is another one that can go wrong with the female gender. Your best mate's girlfriend walks into the pub. You say "Hiya babe, drink?" Thats fine, no offence taken. But if you say it slowly, as in "Hiya Baaaaaaaaabbbbbbbbbbeeeeeeee. Drink?" There is likely to be a smack in the mouth at some stage from your mate. You must be careful with "babe", no one over fifty should be called babe. These people ( female) are called "darling" or "sweetheart"

I hope I've explained it as well as I can. there is an Open University Cousre that I run just for this dillema! Email me on babedarlinggeez.com.

This has been most informative. I now feel better equipped to handle myself in any given stuation. I'm definitely going to look into signing up for your OU course, though when I tried to email you, Darling, there was a problem. Anyway, Cheers Geez, next time I see you, I'll buy you a drink mate, you've been a real sweetheart.

Sorry, I seem to have broken some of the rules already - sorry me doock

Hi, Bee, a bit late noting this (not in poetry!). Like I think someone said above, I do enjoy your teasing, gentle flow of your humour as you deal with such a fun subject, and hold attention well.

I think I myself have to go for a smile, grin, or sometimes a touch or hug, but I suppose these terms to break formality down! The only dislike I do have though is for the word 'darling' itself', but I'm afraid that's from association, as my husband's parents used is so much while squabbling rather unpleasantly. My husband feels the same so knows I don't want to be called that!!

I am very guilty of rolling off the wrong name or a list of names when calling/talking to my children, and really get teased if I use the wrong gender. I think I'm thinking of what I'm saying and know exactly who I'm speaking to, but the name is in another part of my brain that I'm too busy to access. I've also had to explain to my 'identical' twin grandchildren that it isn't only them that suffer in this way. Rhiannon

Thanks for reading this, Rhiannon - I'm glad you found it fun. If I'm honest, I sometimes get the names muddled up when I need to say something. Getting the gender / name mixed is no different really - it just means we think of them with equal regard where forgetfulness is concerned, and like you say, we know exactly who we are speaking to. It's just that in a split second our mind is on other things. I can see how identical twins might be miffed, but then if you have explained, I'm sure they understand.

Boys can be 'darling', too. I suppose it depends how young they are. But then, my husband still occasionally calls his grown-up sons, darling and they don't object. I don't know - the rules keep changing and I can't keep up.

Thanks for clearing this matter up. I told you how confusing I find it all. But as a woman, I can call my boys of any age, darling, but for a man, that wouldn't be right. When I say, he occasionally calls his sons - darling, it's more by accident, but it doesn't seem that odd. More often than not he'll greet them - probably to save himself remembering their names - with, "Hello Boy!" That's ok - I think...

My first morning's work down here, I walked through a glass manufacturer's yard in the dark at 6am and someone shouted "Awroit, Droiv?" After a few seconds of looking around, it became apparent that I was being hailed. My lorry was the one in the corner. Since then, I've variously been "Babber", "Babs" and "Luvver". Somehow, none of that was as disconcerting as the first hairy-arsed, Rugby League-following Leeds bus driver to announce his affection for me with "Exact fare only, love". A local variation was "Old love". Obviously ageist, that version is presumably no longer use.

Hi Bee, I have come to this after reading Jolono's great feedback and enjoyed it very much. The reason I am intervening in the discussion is that nobody seems to have addressed you as 'pet' which makes me wonder. Whereabout do you live? It is used in our part of the world.

I loved jolono's feedback, too. It was worth posting this piece just to receive that - even if his comments ended up being way more entertaining than my effort here. No - seriously, it was great feedback and he made me smile.

I live in Berkshire, but I am sometimes called 'Pet' by my Newcastle friends - and just now by you. That's sweet - I like it. Can't think why I missed it out. Thanks for the reminder.