Sky Scraping Stumbling Stones

A poem I didn't post, which I had written a few months ago for school.
I thought it matched with my updated city profile picture. :)
Have a restful weekend!
__

Through the window of the car
gleams the bar graph of NYC.
As we tread softly down the chipped street
Towers of glass and stone we meet.
Study the Freedom Tower how
that needle drills into the sky.
The Babels say, “Keep the sky a secret.”
Does the Maker smile at their schemes?
He paints sunsets like rainbow watercolors
and even waves surrenders to His voice.
Such a Creator as He
Has built intricate DNA beyond man’s wildest dreams.
He can shake his head at
Man’s skyscraping stumbling stones
All He commands is one thing That
we let not man’s glory steal
the meek sheep heart we need
to build a tower not on earth but on His Word.

Comments

Very nice! I like how you take us on a tour - in the car, down the sidewalk, standing at the base of a skyscraper and looking up. The actions of the Maker - His waves and sunsets - depict qualities of creativity and sovereignty. You have the manmade city of creative architectural design and almost limitless power evoked by carved stone and great heights; this is juxtaposed starkly to the nature themes you use to describe the Maker's creativity and power.

Another interesting contrast comes from mentioning DNA and then the stones in the skyscrapers again. The DNA is something microscopic and yet a product of infinite wisdom; the stones are macroscopic, a product of limited wisdom, and "stumbling" there reminds the reader of architectural flaws and human decay.

It isn't until the next portion that "stumbling stones" evokes "stumbling blocks"; man's glory, meek hearts, and His Word all evoke religious ideas, which suggest a new religious interpretation of the "stumbling stones" before it.

The one thing I would consider revising is the phrase "meek sheep hearts." I feel that "meek sheep" is a bit repetitive since "sheep" is supposed to evoke the idea of meekness; it is a sort of metaphor. To emphasize the metaphor and perhaps strengthen it, lamb could be used: "the lamb's heart we need"

The objection could be that lamb evokes Jesus, which wouldn't necessarily evoke an image of meekness but suggest the concept of Christ living through us; but personally I think that keeping lamb uncapitalized keeps it as a proper metaphor to describe a meek spirit. But that's your call, as the author.

Hannah, I didn't get to say thank you for this. You probably don't remember this and that is totally fine...but this was an analysis that you really thought deeply about=thank you so much!! Interesting and neat interpretations!