Average Girth: Ask Dr. Chaves

Q&A: What's The Average Girth Size For Guys? & More

Old habits

What is the deal with men over 50? Is it true that it takes more for them to get it up? And if so, what does a woman need to do? Is it always her fault if he can't get it up? And yes, I'm over 50 too.

Jamie, WY

Most people, not just men, have sexual changes associated with age. Juices seem to flow less abundantly, bodies ache more, arousal and recovery times take longer, and guys look back to their youth wondering which decade was it when they use to be able to ejaculate four or five times in a row and still have the energy to drink a beer. It’s true that men, as they age, often have less control over their erections (getting them and keeping them), longer refractory periods (time between ejaculation and the next erection) and less ejaculate volume. But there are perks too.

Much as fine wine ages gracefully, men and women often become better, more skillful lovers as they learn more about mutual pleasure, communication and what they need to feel fulfilled in the bedroom. It’s not a woman’s fault if a man has a hard time getting an erection at this age. That has more to do with psychological or physiological changes that occur in his body than anything else. I wouldn’t fault the male either. Many guys have trouble with erections while masturbating later in life too. Women can help out men with fighting these obstacles. A sexy striptease, dirty talk, role-play, fellatio, acting out fantasies, a hand job, sexy attire, foreplay, and sex toys can all help the erectile cause. Depending on the circumstances of the male’s erection difficulties, exercise, a healthy diet, a penis pump/penis ring, or a prescription for Viagra, Cialis or Levitra might do the trick.

Hard to swallow

Dr. Chaves,

My girlfriend of five months loves to swallow. I’m totally down for that and like that she does it. My only problem is that it completely grosses me out that she tries to kiss me afterward. I don’t know if she’s doing it on purpose or if she’s just kissing me, but it freaks me out. It makes me feel gay or something. How would you go about telling her this?

Xavier, MI

Telling her shouldn’t be a big deal. You just say, “Honey, I’m not into you kissing me after you swallow my semen (load, come, whatever).” Start a conversation and find out if it turns her on or if she even notices this. Say it respectfully and let her know you like her swallowing — just not kissing afterward.

I’m not sure why you think it’s gay, though. I mean, you’re getting a blowjob and a kiss from a girl. That sounds pretty heterosexual to me. The fact that you’re coming in contact with your own semen shouldn’t be such a big deal. I’m sure you’ve come in contact with your own bodily fluids before: sucking blood from a cut finger, swallowing your own saliva, drinking your urine to stay alive and hydrated when stranded on a desert island. Maybe not that last one, but you get the idea. My psychic sexual powers tell me that you’ve come in contact with your semen before. If I go along with your thinking, you’re giving a guy (yourself) a hand job when masturbating. Gay or not gay? When you perform oral on your girlfriend and come up to kiss her, she doesn’t turn into a lesbian, right? Try and get over your homophobia if you can, whether or not you decide to stop letting your partner kiss you after swallowing.