Friday, March 26, 2010

Im having a hotflash right now and its driving me crazy! wheres a fan when u need one loli accually get hotflashes alot but normally during the day. it starts off as chills and then about an hr or 2 later iv got like hotflashes where im sweating but cold, does that make any sense......:P

iv got a drs appt tomm with my reg dr, just to update him on stuff and see about getting some different meds for my stomache and this heartburn always, what i take just doesnt seem to be working as good anymore. i dont no why but i get nervous going to the dr, maybe cause i never no what hes gonna say hmmmmm

im watching tv and nuthin good on but i have a craving to eat something, whats up with that?why do i want to eat just because im watching tv, its way to late so not even gonna do it!

okay as you can see by this post i dont have much to say im all over the place......... oh wait i no what i wanted to say. so im home all day and yea yea its my job to clean be the mom, cook yada yada, because my bf works. this isnt the old days...... why is it if i ask for a little help, like just vacuum the living room floor or something little its like im asking something crazy. again i get that im home all day but i also have a medical condition that leaves me tired, weak and just not feelin good most of the time, so me asking for a little help, what is wrong with that! i cleaned last nite more than usual and i was in so much pain afterward and tired and just miserable, i hate when i have stuff to do because i get overwelmed so easly and if i dont get it all done i feel like i didnt accomplish anything! i also get upset when theres 2 other people here who could help me just a little, just a little thats all im asking. we need to spring clean and throw some stuff out etc and i told bf last nite I AM NOT DOING THIS ALL BY MYSELF, i need help and im not the only one who lives here and if he dont help me im gonna pay someone to help lol. he didnt have much to say on that, i dont think he really wants me to pay someone lol

well no plans for the weekend so who no's what we will end up doing.......... have a good one!

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

It's been one of those days......... i slept in because i didnt get much sleep over the weekend and my sleeping schedule is weird anyway, thought okay the days gonna be pretty good even though its rainey and storming! well it all went down hill once my son got home from school he was a whiney , crying mess and i still dont no why, guess he was having a bad day! so he cryed and threw a fit for many hrs i was going insane, hes 6yrs old. i was trying to cook dinner and clean up things and dealing with that can really urk me. i had a headache and it just wasnt helping! then the dog got loose outside, i have a 6 month old bichon/poodle puppy and shes white and like i said it rained today!!! so she got loose out front and needless to say she got muddy, i wasnt happy! so i had to get her all cleaned up......... then i was cooking hamburger meat for dinner, wasnt sure what i was going to do with it but it ended up not being good so i had to throw the 2pounds out! it smelled fine in the package but was a little brown but when i was cooking it it just didnt smell right so didnt wanna take any chances. i ended up cooking some salisbury steak with mash potatoes and corn. wrote some checks for bills, I HATE DOING THAT BYE BYE MONEY! thought okay things have settled down...... wrong! dog pees in my sons room, well that just ticked me off, she had just been taken out an hr before omg! this is my first dog and i only got her because she doesnt shed and my bf and son wanted a dog sooooo bad but im normally a cat person. i like the dog but it sure can be hard getting use to, exspecially when they have accidents in the house i hate it! so she new she was in trouble so she went to her bed(crate) and was behaved rest of the night, but she was just being so bad today, trying to knock over the kitchen trash can. some days i wish i didnt have any pets, i have a cat also and she drives me nuts with cat hair and puking everywhere with hairballs ugh. but hey you gotta love em right!

little stressed right now we are trying fo find another vehicle and planning on spending more money than we normally do. we have for years been cheap and bought junkers and just ran them till they couldnt run no more but we are tired of not having a reliable vehicle and just being able to get up and go and not have to worry on wether the car will make it that far! we dont want payments because we dont wanna get ourselves in trouble and so we like to just buy and pay cash and be done, hense cheap cars, we dont have alot of money, we dont have a money tree in the back yard lol. so we are looking at Ford Explorer Sport Trac 4x4 , its half explorer half truck, i think its cute! and it will be nice to have the truck bed if we need to haul something. i guess we will be going to dealerships soon and looking around for one of those, i hope we can fine one for a decent price. i get so nervous when spending alot of money or alot of money to me!

lunch was so nice yesterday with my girls, i love hanging with them, we always talk about the old days and the crazy stupid stuff we did! i dont get to see my friends much but we are trying to change that and get together at least once amonth wether it be lunch or whatever. next plan is spring vacation to go to lancaster outlets and shop! so hopefully i have some money and feel okay to do it. i get excited about stuff like this but then dread it when the time comes because i no its gonna wear me out and i dont wanna be in pain the whole time. i told the girls just bare with me and let me rest as we shop as much as possible. luckley my friends are very understanding and are looking out for me and dont mind me holding them up, they understand my condition! wish my family was that understanding! so anyway thats it for now just watching some tv and hopefully bed at some point. have a good week. hugs heres pics of my puppy

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Today was a good day! my niece called me up and asked could she come for a visit shes 18 and i do enjoy spending time with her. so she came and we went shopping at biglots but while in there my darn ankle/foot started killing me, i thought it was getting better, NOT! so needless to say i couldnt wait to get out of there! so delt with the pain and bought couple things.

next on list was to go to fashion bug because i never or rarley i should say ever get there, bought couple shirts ands and pair of capris, stuff was on sale. my ankle/ foot was dampening my enjoyment of shopping of course. i couldnt wait to get home my whole body was killing me!

got home and took a percocet and layed down, felt so much better little while later! really sucks that i cant do things like use to, use to be able to shop all day, now im in pain after just a little while, i no i just have to get use to it but its hard sometimes. always think about how i use to be and feel and now to never feeling good, in pain , it just gets to me sometimes or here latley always........ oh well!

still going to lunch/dinner tomm with friends and look forward to seeing friends. hope everyones having a good weekend. today the weather was beautiful yet again :)

OMG im dieing here of heartburn! i had my favorite tuna with pickles sandwich for dinner and thought all is good, should have known........... we had tuna last nite also and i was fine all nite, bf however was up all nite in pain from hearburn and i was like oh im fine, im great! me and my big mouth, now tonite im in pain! i took a chewable rolaid and take a prolisec everyday as it is cause i have tummy troubles but nuthin is helping!!

so went to movies last sunday and seen the movie alice and wonderland and it wasnt tooo bad, it was 3D wich that i thought could be better, it was my first time seeing something like that and i wasnt impressed :(

iv been dealing with ankle/foot pain ever since sunday and having trouble walking had no clue what the heck i could have done to my foot . iv stayed off it as much as possible this week and its feeling better so hopefully it stays that way.

i am just loving this warm weather but yet without my jacket i feel naked, like something is missing! like i said im trying to adapt to warmer weather even though im not feelin to hot about myself right now with this weight gain and clothes not fitting! im stressing on what the heck im gonna wear because my summer clothes i doubt will fit and ill be darn if im gonna go buy new ones....... might buy some new shirts though just for the heck of it :P i stay the same size up top pretty much i just gain mostly in the dreaded middle ugh!gonna quit talking about weight gain now as its depressing and i really dont no what i can do at this point but deal.

i have no clue what we are doing this weekend, bf is working saterday till who no's when but hopefully sunday he will take us out! i wanna go to big lots, maybe ill make it there. i do have lunch/dinner plans with some friends on sunday so looking forward to that. we are suppose to be going to hibachi grill buffet. iv only been there one time but loved it, love all the choices.

well guess thats it for now.......... heres to a sunny beautiful weekend. hugs

Friday, March 12, 2010

Well today was a boring day but i was okay with that i didnt feel like doing much really! iv got a massive headache that i can feel just amovin around, now its in the back of my neck, hope it goes away soon or i wont be able to sleep. its the worst when you go sleep with a migraine and wake up and its still there ugh.

boyfriend irratated me with dinner tonite its like okay i wasnt going to cook dinner just eat some cereal and its almost 6. he pretty much nos that if i havent mentioned anything about dinner or put anything out that im not cooking. hes so darn picky and never wants anything i wanna cook. so anyway he starts asking wheres dinner and im like are u for real you no how this works. i was like what do you want me to cook, him- i dunno, what do we have.......... this is what ticks me off you should no what we have, your at the same grocery store as me, you put the food away like i do and you dont no what we have???? how about you go look in the freezer and fridge and see duh! lol then you let me no what i should cook because im not going to stand here all nite trying to figure out what you want grrrrr why make things so difficult. needless to say we ended up ordering pats, we need to go to grocery store though.

glad tomm is friday, no real reason just look forward to the weekend and maybe going somewheres and getting outta this house for a bit.

might go see alice n wonderland on sunday deffiently matinee. movie tickets are so expensive, to see this movie because its 3d its gonna cost $11 now if i went later in the day $14, $14 for a movie darn! good thing i dont go very often, plus my son wants to go and hes gotta have popcorn , candy etc etc. i wont get outta there spending no less than probobly $30 some dollers.

well to anyone who reads my blog you can find me on facebook im on there at least once a day, like playing games on there, look for tracy handlin. hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

Thursday, March 11, 2010

I REALLY NEED TO START WRITING IN THIS BLOG AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES MY FEELINGS AND SUCH , IM GONNA EXPLODE LOL!

WELL WHAT CAN I SAY IV BEEN LIVING MY LIFE, SAME OLE SAME REALLY. JUST HAVENT FELT LIKE WRITING BECAUSE I DONT NO MAYBE WINTER BLUES OR JUST TOO LAZY. ITS BEEN BEAUTIFUL HERE IN MARYLAND, IN THE 60'S OH SOOO NICE! BUT THEN WHEN I THINK OF SUMMER IT GETS ME DEPRESSED BECAUSE THATS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN TIMES AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ALL THE THINGS I CANT AND WONT BE ABLE TO DO PHYSICALLY. WINTER WAS NICE BECAUSE ITS AN ESCUSE TO STAY IN, SUMMER AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER YOU WANNA BE OUT AND ABOUT, MY BODY WANTS TO RUN FREE LIKE THE WIND BUT IT NOS ITS NOT POSSIBLE LOL. I WISH I COULD SAY HEALTH WISE IM DOING BETTER BUT NOT THE CASE. FOR SOME WHO FORGOT I HAVE POLYMYOSITIS MUSCLE DISEASE AND HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IT NOW FOR 2 YRS. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER BUT LATEST TEST SAY OTHER WISE AND JUST THE FEELING WORSE THAN USUAL. SOMETIMES I THINK ITS IN MY HEAD SO WHEN THE TEST SAY HEY YOU REALLY ARENT DOIN BETTER IM SURPRISED! SO IM ON NEW MEDS TO ADD TO MY LIST, WE UPPED THEM AND IN 4 WEEKS WILL GET BLOOD WORK DONE TO SEE HOW IM DOIN, IF DOING OKAY WE WILL UPP THEM AGAIN AND SO ON, IF DOIN BAD WE WILL TRY TO GO WITH SOMETHING ELSE. ITS NOT A GOOD THING TO HEAR FROM YOUR DR THAT YOUR NOT LIKE HIS OTHER PATIENTS AND ARENT RESPONDING LIKE THEM, BECAUSE FOR ONE ITS LIKE WTH AND THEN ITS LIKE THE DR DOESNT NO WHAT TO DO WITH ME. THINGS COULD BE FAR WORSE FOR ME BUT RIGHT NOW JUST DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF WEIGHT GAIN THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND I DONT NEED TO GAIN ANYMORE, FEELIN LIKE CRAP AND LIKE IM JUST WASTING AWAY SOMEDAYS............. I WILL GET THRUE THIS I NO, ITS GONNA TAKE TIME. IF I HAD A BETTER SUPPORT SYSTEM IM SURE LIFE WOULD BE EASIER BUT WHEN MOST OF YOUR FAMILY DONT TALK TO YOU, DONT HAVE THE TIME OF DAY FOR YOU ITS A REAL DOWNER, I CAN SAY ALL I WANT THAT I DONT CARE THAT I DONT NEED THEM BUT HONESTLY I DO. SO ENOUGH BOO HOOING FOR ONE DAY. I WILL MAKE IT AN EFFORT TO START BLOGGING AGAIN AND TO START READING BLOGS AGAIN. DEFIENTLY GOTTA CHANGE MY BLOG LAYOUT, THINK ITS FROM THANKSGIVING LOL. HUGS!!

About Me

Im 30, im shy but outspoken. i have a boyfriend of 7yrs, a 6yr old son and a cat named lola and puppy gummybear. I was diagnosed with polymyositis/muscle disease in August "08 and am in treatment. Little by little im getting better and hope to one day be my normal self again or as close to it. I also am trying to loose weight for what seems like will be the rest of life but im no quitter!Thank you for stopping by!