I’m not a bad person August 13, 2009

So the friend who announced her pregnancy has her first ultrasound today. I was honestly worried at what my reaction would be if she had received bad news. I really do wonder if this infertility is making me a bad person.

When I hadn’t heard from her by late evening, and she hadn’t updated her facebook (keep in mind that she announced to her 400 nearest and dearest that “we just found out that we are 4 weeks pregnant!!” the day she got her blood results), I was getting a little concerned.

When I spoke to her on MSN, and she told me she had gone well, that they had seen the heartbeat, and baby is measuring right on track at 6w4d, my first reaction was relief. I even managed some genuine excitement!

I’m proud of myself, but also a little relieved. I’m not really a bad person.

Understanding Tashish

I'm a 28 year old teacher from Melbourne.
Mr G. and I have been married since April '09, and have always known that having a family was going to be a little more difficult than for the 'average' person, due to his Klinefelter's Syndrome.
We have been on a financially enforced 'break' from IVF since our miscarriage in late 2009. We hoped to cycle again in 2011, but pushed it out to early 2012.
It looks like this might be the one...
This is our story.

A Brief History of our TTC journey

September '06~ Meet Mr G, who tells me he has Klinefelter's (KFS) and will never be a father. Ever the eternal optimist, "never say never" say I.
Early '07~ Realise that this thing is for real, and start to look into MFI related to KFS. I am reassured by vague, sci-fi like stories of ICSI, and the Dr Google consensus that 'it's not impossible'. We try.
Nov '07~ Visit to the Endo for routine KFS checkup, obtain a referral to FS.
Dec '07~ Mr G proposes, and life goes all-wedding, all-time. We keep trying.
Late '08~ When it becomes obvious that it's not 'just going to happen', we make our first FS appointment, where it becomes clear that we will need help. Azoospermia, and a side order of suspected PCOS.
April' 09~ Our wedding
July/Aug '09 ~ IUI + injectables + donor sperm. AF arrives before beta.
September '09~ Book in for IVF
Oct '09 ~ Waiting, waiting, waiting... AF is almost a fortnight late
Nov/Dec '09 ~ IVF + ICSI + Donor Sperm. Stim for ages, poor response, threatened with cancellation. 2 eggs retrieved, 1 fertilised. 2 day, 4 cell, Grade B transfer. Faint Positive, Low first beta. Wait for appropriate HCG doubling. Levels are great, then that night the unthinkable happens.
Friday, 11th of December~ Our precious miracle is leaving.