For the year, I’ve buried myself in what you could call “success literature”, “mindset” topics, and “greatness”. I’ve began to surround myself with people who are highly motivated, and highly successful, in either the financial arena, in life, in relationships, or all of the above.

After my first set in the gym I knew I was in for a rough one. Every set after that was a struggle, my whole body felt fatigued. My gut had me in the restroom half a dozen times over the course of the workout.

Today I started something I like to call #180in180. A 180 degree life turn around in 180 days.

180 degrees?? Really? Anyone who knows me would say I’m a nice guy. I’m fairly fit, workout regularly and eat decently well. I’m not an alcoholic or addicted to drugs. I make money, I’m not totally broke, and not in debt up to my eyelids. Hell, I even have some money in investments. I even have a chronic illness that I’m not on medication for! Most would look at my life and say “hey you know what, for what he’s been through, he’s doing ok!”. I absolutely agree, I’m “ok.” And OK is absolutely the problem.

Your eyes flick open. Sun pours through the window. This is going to be a good day, it has to be. Only six bathroom trips last night, not bad. Smiling slightly, you sit up slowly on the edge of the bed.

My mother died when I was 14. Before then, I didn’t know how much the human heart could hurt. But I was still too young: a boy that age is not designed to cope with that level of trauma. So I did what most young boys would do. I buried it.