#teamhighrisk: Top 13 Songs to Put a Hole in ‘Em

I strive to carry myself in such a manner that when my train comes… when they dig my six feet…all anyone will be able to say is, “There’s a man in that hole”. That’s my code and I strongly believe every man needs one. Just like your name, it’s one thing they cannot take away from you.

My ex self-admittedly began cheating on me a couple weeks before I deployed. Maybe I knew in the back of my mind, but it doesn’t really matter. The time leading up to boarding the plane to Afghanistan is mostly a blur. It wasn’t a typical deployment seeing as we only received a couple weeks’ notice that we would be going.… But fuck the emo shit and let’s get to what you really want to hear. She was sucking dick while I was getting shot at. Both of us were in a war of attrition; me against those soulless mountains – her against her gag reflex.

Without a doubt, getting shot at teaches you something about yourself. However, there is a difference between “I got shot at” and “Fuck, that bullet was meant for me”. It makes it personal and it’s almost intoxicating how focused you become. If you’ve only gotten a taste of these moments, like myself, you fiend for it again. With time you process it and hopefully you’ll eventually get back to your normal self. If you continually have these moments, it will change who you are. Some will read this and disagree. Some will understand. Every man’s experience is different. Here is one of mine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiDg-T_z59Q”

I had just gotten back from my first real firefight, the ending of which you see above. The adrenaline was long gone. It was followed by a moment where pure exhaustion meets surreal reflection. “What the fuck did I just do?” I call my wife. There is no answer. I check the book of face and I had received a message from her friend asking me to call. My ex hadn’t been seen or heard from in days and her friend suspects she’s cheating on me. (No shit.) When she finally popped up #whathadhappenedwas she had been hospitalized after wrecking her car. I know it’s bullshit, but what is there to do? So I do what I think most men would do. I hang up the phone, put my head phones on, and bump Pastor Troy’s “Vica Versa”. I tell no one and go back on patrol the next day. I subconsciously hope for violence. After I got to back to the States, she and the truth came out. It went something like this: “I rear-ended some guy, who turns out was a personal trainer. I didn’t want the insurance to go up so I flirted with him. He bought me to dinner so I sucked him off in the restaurant parking lot.” Apparently giving head cures whiplash.

I need a drink.

So here you go, top 13 songs to put a hole in someone to. If you are enjoying share with your damn friends, we appreciate the support. As always, not giving a fuck is also acceptable.