friendship

You’re from Morocco… that’s nice, thanks for letting me know where you are from. What I care about is where you are now, though. Oh, still in Morocco? Yeah, no.

I’m pretty sure on-line dating isn’t for me! 😀 Through this process I have discovered, I really don’t like people asking me questions. And I really don’t like when they interrupt my day to ask them!

Now, I have messaged back and forth with some nice guys – a few have asked me out and I’ve been tempted, but it just wasn’t right. And there are a few that we are working towards friendship… well, a friendship that will last until I cancel my account! Which is coming. Soon. Very soon…

Not bad as opening lines go – but again, yeah, no.

I texted Adam about this one.

So, seduction guy, guys, I did actually try. He had mentioned lunch time fishing during our picnic at the lake (while he’s feeding me chocolate covered strawberries apparently) and so I messaged back that fishing at lunch time probably wasn’t going to catch us much, we should go in the morning time. I added some more stuff, you know, making general conversation. He came back with another laid back, laying around, relaxing and doing nothing type of message. So, I asked him if he ever actually did anything. He had two boys, but was always talking about just laying around the lake, or the beach and just listening to music and picnics. Did he actually ever do activities? I told him that I was running a 5k that weekend and then going over to a friends house to help out, and then I gave him an idea of my next couple of weekends, which were pretty busy – I told him that was what I was use to, I liked to be out “doing” things. Relaxing was fine, but just not every weekend!

Loved this blog by Spirit Lights the Way! I have read a few of my blog friends who are reaching for their authentic selves and discovering some push-back, and this shows us all why it’s important to keep to our true path! Love the line about stop worrying about our reputation with acquaintances! If you don’t already follow her, go stop by and enjoy The Golden Apple today and take a moment to just be mindful of who, and where, you are!

Like this:

Recently I’ve been working on staying off social media. It’s a killer time waster and being Type A, I like to be productive. So, I’ve taken to checking Facebook and Pinterest when I’m on the stationary bike. It gives me something to focus on, and frequently I’m on there past my scheduled 30 minute time because I just want to get caught up to my feed!

Part of the bonus is that it keeps my mind sharper and engaged, because seriously, I want to get caught up to my feed, and in order to do that, I have to be able to read and process in a short amount of time!

It also has helped me notice some flaws in my Ego.

Per Dictionary.com: In psychological terms, the ego is the part of the psyche that experiences the outside world and reacts to it.

Case in point. I ran across this gem the other day.

My immediate reaction was more on the negative side, my Ego feeling the rejection that comes from life moving and friends moving on. “Well, he doesn’t need me anymore, he has his new friends” which translates to “I must be lacking”.

Fortunately, just as soon as I had that thought, my next reaction was, why? Why does this have to be negative?

It immediately reminded me of a girl, she’s not been my friend the longest, but it’s probably darn near close! In the past, her life has sometimes gone off track and she has needed me. I’ve been beneficial to her life. And the same is true the other direction, I’ve needed her, and she has been beneficial to my life.

But right now, we aren’t a benefit to each other. Our lives are pretty good.

Yet, she still calls, and she still reaches out, and we still get together.

And that’s when it hit me. Her true colors are showing. I offer no benefit to her life, except my friendship. She loves me for me and that is all she needs. I don’t have to be useful to her, I just get to be.

I can’t tell you how amazing it was to have that revelation, that what I immediately saw as “lacking” was in fact a message exactly the opposite. I just needed a new perspective on things!

And this happened a few days ago, but I just couldn’t get it out of my mind, so I had to come share it with y’all! What do you think? Do you have a perspective thought or revelation to share?

Like this:

I’ve debated all morning long about writing this post. There are several reasons not to: I don’t want to upset my mom, I don’t know if I want to drag out my emotions and stomp all over them again and maybe others are tired of the subject matter.

So, mom, you probably should just stop now. I’m not sure what I’m going to write, but if you must continue, probably should wait until you are off work.

These are my thoughts and emotions and I’ve shared everything else, I think that I want to share this with you, too. And, if you are tired of the subject matter, I’ve decided that I’m actually okay with that! It is okay if I write something that doesn’t connect with you because while I’d love to have a connection with every single person that reads this, it isn’t humanly possible. Maybe I’ll connect with those that need to read this post today, and that is all that matters.

This morning in my prayers I said an extra one for my family today, and then I told my brother Happy Birthday and that I really missed him. And I cried a little. Lee would have been 29 today and after five months, it’s still hard that he is gone. I deal really well with it on most days, most days I can see that I am getting stronger and able to handle his absence in my life, but I knew that today I wouldn’t be able to, that today I would struggle and today I will allow myself time to grieve.

It helps to have great family and friends in my life. I’ve got a friend who is staying with me and willing to do anything, another friend that is coming over later to see me and another that told me if I needed, she would load up the kids and make the hour plus drive to be with me. What blessings I have in my friends! I am so very fortunate to have those around me that love and support me.

I’m very blessed, but they can’t fill the hole inside me. They can comfort me when I cry, but they can’t stop the tears. They can say the right thing and offer up the appropriate platitudes; however, the words aren’t a band-aid that immediately works on my heart.

Having said all of that – let me say this to anyone who has a friend that is grieving – don’t give up. Keep showing your support, hold your friends when they can’t do anything but cry and keep talking. While you can’t ease my pain, you make it tolerable. You let me know that it is okay to have days where I struggle (and just as importantly it’s okay to have days when I don’t) and that there is no time limit on grief. Whether it’s via text, phone, email or in person, the efforts that we all make towards each other shows our love. The compassion and connection that we make with each other is what matters most in this life. I probably won’t remember half of what you have told me, but I will remember the feelings you left me with. I will remember that you were there when I needed you and in turn, I will be there for you.

And today I will allow myself to grieve just a bit that my brother isn’t here to celebrate his birthday and then I will celebrate that I had as many birthdays with him as I did. I’ll play a little ZZ Top as he got me that CD for one of my birthdays and I will be okay.