Baby on Board

You know those little caution signs you hang in your car’s back window to let everyone know there’s a baby inside? Baby on Board! We don’t have one, I don’t know why, I guess I never felt like spending the money and also saw one for sale at the same time in the same place. But, I’ve heard people complaining about them lately. “You think your baby is so much more special than everyone else on the road, you gotta put a sign in the window that says, hey, look at me, I had a baby! I’m special!” Or something to that effect.

But, I’m here today to tell you it doesn’t mean that at all. Here’s a few things a Baby on Board sign does mean:

–Warning: Distracted Driver. Babies and kids might be a distraction for the driver. Nay, babies and kids ARE ALWAYS a distraction for the driver. Pretty much the entire time they are in the car. Something is amiss–they’re hungry, they’re thirsty, it’s too sunny, it’s too hot, it’s too cold, they have to pee, the straps of their carseat are digging into their shoulders, because they just grew another inch since getting in–whatever it is, they’ve got to YELL and SCREAM about it. And sometimes things are thrown. It’s hard to drive like this. Is it unreasonable to expect the other drivers to deal with that? Totally. But, you’ve been warned.

–Don’t Drive Like a Shit Around Me. Don’t tailgate. Don’t drive 20 miles over the speed limit. Don’t weave in and out of traffic like it’s a damn NASCAR race. I have CHILDREN in my car. Know how much fun it is to rear end someone? Well, guess how much fun it is to rear end someone with kids in their car. Someone who is a grown up, responsible adult (ok, haha, just kidding) that the police are going to side with.