Harsh words from a mentor can push a youth off course

When Linda was in high school, she composed a short story, an assignment in her creative writing course, and put her heart and soul into it.

Her teacher, whom she admired, handed it back bloodied with red ink and criticism, describing her work as "garbage."

An aspiring writer, she was crushed, and decided to put down her pen to work with numbers. After all, numbers are either correct or not, and matters of taste (I like them or don't) are not part of the equation. She created her own version of "safety in numbers."

"After my teacher called it garbage, I was miserable for weeks with little sleep, no appetite and ducking my friends. It took a long time to get over the worst of it, and it still hurts to remember," she explained.

When someone you trust or admire disparages what feels like a calling or a gift, it can cut deep.

Of even greater concern, it may alter the entire trajectory of one's life, as it did for Linda. Why?

Because a person's sense of self, or identity, becomes all but inseparable from the budding vocation or talent she or he possesses.

Perhaps you are, by nature, a scientist, teacher, artisan, mother, musician, nurse or any of a myriad other callings.

When someone you hold in high regard attacks your life's work, already realized or as a potential, they also assault your sense of identity and self-worth.

If sufficiently discouraged by someone influential, particularly earlier in life, one may drift far off one's life path.

Such folks often feel incomplete or even inauthentic. They are, in a sense, living someone else's life, rather than their own.

"Still have that short story?" I asked Linda, and she did.

At my urging, she took it to a local writer's guild attended by a number of published authors. They loved it, which led her to compose and publish a collection of short stories. Linda became her true self, a writer.

John wasn't so lucky. His high school guidance counselor and parents dissuaded him from pursuing a college degree by implying, and not very subtly, that he lacked the smarts.

He bought it and, sadly, unlike Linda, remains cut off from his innate calling. Rather than pivoting toward his childhood dream of becoming a geologist, he remains in the predictable safety of his life as an electrician, an understandable but disheartening decision.

"Don't get me wrong, I have a good job working with fine people, but my heart isn't in it," he explained.

Often, those who discourage a younger person from following an "inner directive" (a talent, gift or calling) are doing him or her a grave disservice. Thankfully, some shrug off this existential bucket of water and go their own way, but many do not.

Parents, teachers and mentors are the most common sources, but the role of spoiler can emerge in anyone the young person looks up to.

Those who are influential, who cast judgment, for good or ill, on a youngster's emergent calling, need to take this responsibility very seriously.

Someone's best chance for a fulfilling life may be in his or her hands.

Philip Chard is a psychotherapist, author and trainer. Email Chard at outofmymind@philipchard.com or visit philipchard.com.