Patti Smith: Just KidsI'm not much of a fan of either of the artists featured (Patti Smith and Robert Mappelthorpe), but the book is very compelling taking me into a new world and time that I was not really aware of. (***)

Interesting Thoughts

December 01, 2017

With all of the news of sexual harassment it appears there is one dynamic becoming increasingly clear based on my conversations and experience:

Teenage boys are mortified about what to do/say or not to do/say. Teenage girls are aware there is a portal to assert themselves and they aren’t completely sure how to step into it.

It appears to be a crisis.

I firmly believe that both of them want what most of want most, connected, fun, deep relationships that have space for mistakes, feelings, logic, reconciliation, love and forgiveness. They want the thrill of the chase without the real threat of the danger.

Here’s what I see as the challenge:

How many relationships do you know that really model that? I see my own deficiencies and am working on it diligently in my committed relationship and I have an incredible amount to grow still.

Personally, I spent YEARS as the nice guy and while not criminal, it’s damaging because there’s a manipulative aspect to it that is representative of my fears and shortcomings around being authentic. Unwinding that while raising a teenager means I’m sure I’m passing on some of my limitations.

How many of us are clear enough from our desire to either stick to a victim story (me included) to past harms of almost any kind or mindlessly hold to the familiar pole of masculine or feminine we are fluent in (me included)? (this goes beyond but includes sexual issues)

I have personal evidence that there are healthy, authentic relationships out there although they appear to be the exception. But how are we as parents going to be more effective at this than say, career advice? (How many of us love what we do and what role did parental guidance play in that?)

Who can lead us? There are a number of people I know or follow who I believe have crucial aspects to the answer and are stuck either in a level of abstraction that creates impact to those who sort of already know how to hear it or are almost strictly “issue” oriented (career, money, heck even relationships).

There is a gap and the consciousness that so many of us have in our relationships in some ways feels unsuited to really address the underlying issue to teach these kids. I feel like there’s a collective admission required of realizing that we don’t have the answer beyond what seems clear to just stop (Weinstein, Lauer, Nassar and the rest of that crew that should be studied extensively and held directly accountable and suitably punished).

I can understand why so many of the teenagers prefer the screens to numb out at times. They are facing yet another widespread reality that we are struggling to guide them through. Although I’m not in the camp of hating the screens, rather I think screens are part of the solution.

Here’s my hope:

I hope a diverse group of teenagers step up and become the leaders…NOW, because in this case I think they may have more to teach us how to solve this than we have to teach them beyond supporting them in telling them it’s ok to admit “I don’t know”.

November 15, 2017

Each year I write out reflections near my birthday. Here are 49 this year one day before turning 49. Interesting to note they are a little dark at times....

I think if I could go bowling with 3 others right now they would be Malala, Pope Francis and Chuck D

I think I’ll break dance and do the running man on a plane the first time I hear a female’s voice as the pilot

I think either a new, inclusive and inspirational leader emerges for 2020 who we don’t already know or Trump will win again

I think holding space for a thoughtful dialog with opposing views is more valuable and a lot harder than taking a position and defending it

I think God needs a new name

I think Shaun the Sheep is Ferris Bueller in wool

I think I’m going to start a podcast called “15 Minutes You’ll Never Get Back and Never Forget” or maybe just “The 15”

I think schools need 4 electives over 4 years that are subjective classes around concepts like empathy and failure

I think women should be priests

I think young men are in great danger right now because they are woefully ill equipped to interact with young women and very few people are able to teach them how

I think young women are in a tenuous position because they need more guidance about how to unleash their power and stay accountable

I think men who are uncomfortable with their feelings are children

I think while women don’t like men to solve their problems, it helps to give men formulas, they work (and in my experience there are times when women want men to solve problems)

I think there’s a small percentage of people who are actually qualified to do life coaching and that small percentage has an almost uniform inability to speak at a level of abstraction that is maximally inclusive

I think I’m ready to resolve more unresolved anger

I think reality TV has gotten so bad that we don’t even see how much it’s negatively impacting society and relationships

I think the next frontier for application development and advanced metrics in sports will be based on emotional elements

I think real love in an intimate relationship is really hard work

I think I’ve learned more in the last year about how my survival behaviors from childhood and teen years unconsciously and consciously guide my current behavior than the 47 years before

I think if you’re a parent you should ignore the warnings about teenagers, the rewards of raising my teenage daughter are beyond measurable, even when it’s challenging

I think the next wave for me with my parental friends is our teenagers doing all the stuff we used to and wondering how to guide them and not sound like complete hypocrites

I think I’m a darn good Dad and boyfriend

I think I have a freaking AWESOME daughter and girlfriend

I think I’m officially sick of being called Tool Time

I think if adults have mental and/or emotional problems and the means to address them, it’s is completely on them to do it and I’m tiring of people who don’t

I think if these same adults don’t do that and create conflict and then ultimately do horrific damage of some kind they should be locked up and analyzed rather than rehabilitated, they had their chance, their contribution to society now should be helping us stop more people like them

I think if you don’t have a child there’s an experience of love that’s not available to you, which is a plus and a minus

I think while at our core we are considerate and kind there are some that the hurt on top of the kindness is so complex and deep that they are irredeemable or unreachable

I think rainbows are cooler than unicorns, but I’d rather ride a unicorn than a rainbow

I think if I could act on any show it would be Westworld for drama and Atlanta for a comedy

I think I take things personally because I’m more comfortable with that at times

I think we are WAY too hard on millennials partially because we’re envious of them

I think the current batch of teenagers coming up is loaded with kids who want to do powerful, meaningful things and as a parent I want to play a role in supporting that but don’t always know how

I think I think a lot

I think Guacamole, sushi and red velvet cupcakes are proof of the existence of some kind of God

I think atheists are cool and sometimes I wish I was one because it seems like it might be more simple

I think forgiveness is sometimes too powerful for us to give away

I think I like that I make people laugh

I think I want to write a one person play and I’d likely be the person in that play

I think my darkness doesn’t rule me because I know my darkness exists and I’m familiar with it

I think basketball is the best sport, by far

I think my social circle may actually shrink in the next few years and I will thrive

October 25, 2017

Tom Hanks had a mix and match upbringing in the Bay Area that included his “original parents” as he said getting divorced. He said he was kind of big deal because his parents got divorced at a time when only people named Zsa Zsa got divorced.

At some point during his youth, he realized that acting was not just something to goof off and have fun with but something to be studied. He talked about a class where they read a play, went to see it and wrote a paper on it and that was part of the transformation.

He said he thought one movie could be done over and over: That Thing You Do! He also talked about the inspiration being a song called Little Honda by the Hondells and how they got sick of singing that hit song. He kind of wanted the movie viewers to get tired of the song “That Thing You Do” in the movie.

My truth is I wish he would have played the full song every time because the camera work each time they did it and the setting of the story was different each time. I also binge listened to that song with my daughter when she was like 10 and we loved it.

He talked about how he writes pages and pages of backstory for characters when he does movie that go beyond the script. I didn’t even know actors did that. The idea is to create a past story for the context of the current character’s motivation.

This is probably really basic for most, but I didn’t know that each scene in a movie has a purpose: to move the story forward. He talked about how one director told him they need to find the “Red Dot” in the scene. (I couldn’t help but think of the Seinfeld Sweater episode or a few of my married Hindu friends)

He has a book of short stories and so many of them are founded either in history or in the lived experience of both discovering our tiny part of the universe and the related gigantic reality of our lives in that context. I really appreciated how he shared that he doesn’t feel drawn to the classic protagonist/hero narrative.

He told the story about how his Father In Law came to America which was a compelling 2 hour chat. When he mentioned how incredible the story was to his wife, his wife said basically I’ve never heard the story, what was it? It’s funny how we have people in our lives where there is tons of back story that we may not even be aware of.

He did a great physical imitation of writers who are confused and uncertain. About that time, he also touched on how a writer thinks a story will go one way but upon writing it, the story follows tributaries to the river down all kinds of other paths.

This is not an exact quote, but he sort of said “Hubris and celebrity are not qualifiers for leadership” or something like that as he reflected on politics. Not long after that he responded that he would not run for President. He said that the level of commitment and ideological certainty at a minimum don’t fit.

One of the best stories was when he shared about the scene in John Adams where Adams was the lawyer for the British Soldiers who shot into the mob. It was a substantial reframe of a historical event for him. It is a totally compelling scene from a series I’ve watched twice from beginning to end.

He brought up how when he watched movies he assumed everything was totally accurate. (he told a really funny side story about how he talks to people he portrays in movies saying he’ll do things they’ve never done, go places they’ve never been and his single desire is to play them truthfully!) He feels a responsibility to be as close to accurate as possible because he understands kids sometimes watch it.

One funny quote: “Politics is Hollywood for ugly people”

The quality he thinks is most important in work of almost any kind and I’m guessing life is perseverance. He talked about when the phone is not ringing with opportunities you have to keep fighting for your dream. I know it seems like a throwaway quote, but for some reason it felt real for him. He seems like a really hard worker.

He talked about the abuses of power in the industry and not surprisingly strongly called it out as wrong. He also asked the women in the audience to basically clap if they’ve been harassed or assaulted in the work place and it seemed like 80-90% of the women clapped.

Finally, three reflections on how he talked.

First, I’ve seen other actors/actresses talk and they tend to talk about acting at a level that is just not relatable. He takes on the same topics but does it understandably. It made it totally engaging.

Second, dude swears like a sailor at times. He dropped f-bombs like he was auditioning for a Scorsese mob flick.

Third, he’s funny, like really funny. I don’t know why but I was surprised he was that funny.

October 09, 2017

I finished Ken Burns & Lynn Novick’s documentary on Vietnam and it was absolutely gripping. I’m publishing a post that maybe 2 or 3 people will read and maybe none will read all the way through.

When something hits me like this, I guess I want to put something out in public just to know I did. If you have any desire to watch it, please do and consider not reading this because it gives a lot of it away.

I was stunned by how little I knew about the war that my Uncle served in. I remember asking him 15 years ago why we went, he said “If we didn’t who would have?”. I would have a different perspective today on his response and WAY more compassion.

It’s ironic that in 2001 I visited Vietnam, where I clearly stood out. And yet, every single person I met was kind, curious and generous. It’s memorable in that the people are nicer than maybe any other foreign country I’ve ever visited personally (Australia is a close second). It's hard to understand hearts that big given what happened.

For me the most powerful and insightful interviews were with John Musgrave. His riveting points which willingly let the viewer into completely what he felt about it all was beyond stunning (and he walked me through his own changing perception too).

That being said, the interviews with Vincent Okamoto, Bao Ninh, Roger Harris and Nguyen Ngoc were incredible too. There’s something uncommon about people who can hold both the clarity of duty and the bloody pool of pain of the war simultaneously in a discussion.

Understanding that even if Burns’ desire was to have a balanced view, it’s hard to believe that some endorsed narrative wasn’t unconsciously or consciously there, here are a few reflections:

I have a completely new perspective of the men and women who served for the US in Vietnam. At one point we had a stunning 500,000+ troops there (about 20% were actively fighting according to the doc). The Vietnamese more or less did not want them there. The majority of the troops did not speak the language.

Enemies were woven into those who weren’t in the population. How do you distinguish which is which? Many of these kids (and they were kids) were 18-20 years old. They were still developing their moral compasses.

I learned two unforgettable lessons that I never considered about fighting a war.

First, that life or death fighting can be a high. According to him (I can’t remember which one said it), the situation more or less requires your absolute and total attention. There’s nothing else on your mind. Before and after you face the depression and agony of it, during it that’s gone. It sounds exactly like a drug.

Second, was from Mr. Okamoto who talked about when he was shot and he thought for sure he would die. At that point, he said, nothing else really matters other than inflicting as much damage on the enemy trying to finish the job as possible. He talked about the incredible freedom of that feeling.

I cried hardest in the last episode where they documented the Vietnam war memorial and how it was created. There’s a moment where one veteran who initially hated it ultimately went to visit it because his roommate, who was killed, was being honored and he had to go. His transformation about his perspective on it was deeply moving.

Related to that Nancy Bieberman’s apology of how she protested the war in that same episode was heart wrenching. It’s fascinating to see the perspective changes documented.

I don’t believe that war crimes were happening as often and uniformly widespread as I thought before I watched it. I do believe that a huge percentage of those that fought witnessed some version of war crime during that time.

I know now that there was a massacre at My Lai where between 350-500 people died including many women and children. I learned that had Hugh Thompson, Jr and his crew hadn’t landed it would have gotten worse. He got in between the soldiers and the civilians and warned the soldiers that if they kept shooting civilians he’d start shooting them.

Almost every person interviewed (on both sides) had friends who were killed virtually right next to them. I don’t know how an 18-25 year old (barely a year and half older than my 16 year old daughter) can see this for one year or two and ever really leave it behind.

The two things they said and in some ways repeated is you NEVER leave your wounded and you ALWAYS go back for the dead. I will never see Vietnam Veterans in the same light.

One chilling part was when Mr. Musgrave said that he killed “one human being” and suffered from the guilt and remorse of that. It was his first kill. From that point forward he spoke about how he thought of killing as wasting the enemy by calling them the widely used slurs for Vietnamese people. It felt like that was how he made sense of it.

Honestly, I know people today who can’t tell the difference between a Korean, Japanese and Thai person (who each have features that are nearly unmistakably different). So I wouldn’t be surprised if at some level many of the population looked the same to them. I wonder if that changed their perspective about killing although I don’t recall that exactly being said in the documentary.

The inclusion of many North Vietnamese in the documentary was brilliant. It humanized the enemy and on many occasions helped me understand why they fought as they fought. One particular interview about how a soldier would fight, walk 100’s of kilometers home then not long after go back to fight.

While our 18 year olds looked fresh faced, the pictures of the North Vietnamese and Viet Cong soldiers were stunningly young. Their relentlessness and outmaneuvering in the face of the bombing devastation was incredible.

It was revealing when one of them talked about how the US going after their wounded was an opportunity for them to kill more soldiers.

At one point a highly placed officer in the US army said that he wished he had 200 of them to fight for him.

It was illuminating to learn that before Vietnam we widely believed that our government didn’t lie. Seeing how presidents Kennedy, Johnson & Nixon in their own ways misled us about the war was chilling.

The documentary does a terrific job of showing just how much the governments on all sides were lying. They all had vested interests in making sure it looked like their cause was just and they were in fact winning.

Richard Nixon’s motivation was almost singularly to get elected and to control the narrative. While the other presidents tried to hide facts, based on the evidence presented (again which is incomplete but felt representative) Nixon was an outright liar. His lying about the bombing in Cambodia and his role in the South Vietnamese backing out of peace talks right before the 1968 election were particularly egregious.

His conversations with Kissinger where he all but admitted that he knew the war wasn’t winnable but he wanted to time the outcome to give him the best chance of being elected were a heartwrenching look into politics. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if many of our current politicians use some form of this as an approach.

Nixon won in 1968 with 43% of the vote and George Wallace (a known segregation champion) won 13% of the vote….of the DEMOCRATS! Nixon then destroyed his competition in the ’72 election. Like him or not, he was a brilliant, dirty politician. His silent majority speech was frighteningly savvy.

Over a MILLION Vietnamese died in that war (estimates vary, this is the low end). Our bombings absolutely decimated the country and took a LOT of innocent lives.

I finally learned what the Tet Offensive was. I literally didn’t know what happened, now I do.

There was a wide group of people who ultimately opposed the war. I have a feeling that most of them peacefully protested the war. The documentary seems to show that they mostly weren’t so peaceful.

I was astonished at the HUGE numbers of people who protested. It reminds me that when there is a clear, simple, common cause, people can get behind it.

I learned there was a group called the Weathermen who more or less looked to create conflict. They were widely unwelcome to the movement because it gave the pro-war side something to point to as it being a problem and detracted from the effort. Makes me see Antifa as something that while it’s understandable it may not ultimately be productive.

I learned that like today there were plenty of people who felt differently about the same issue. They supported war and importantly supported our troops there and home. Trying to bridge the two groups is virtually impossible.

There is a difference between watching a movie and watching a thorough documentary. Admittedly, much of my perspective on the war came from movies like Platoon, Apocalypse Now, Full Metal Jacket, Deer Hunter and many more. For me there is a distinct difference between hearing it from people who actually went through it rather than people playing characters that may have gone through it or some combination of those that did.

For example, as brutal as the movie was, the scenes from the POW’s in Deer Hunter didn’t match the actual stories from POW’s. There’s almost a distance I can create between a movie and an experience.

It also dawns on me that if hearing the experience from someone who went through affects me differently (and perhaps more disturbingly) than a movie then certainly actually going through it would be WAY more damaging. I know that sounds basic, but it’s a realization that I had about the hell of war.

And on a side note, Donald Trump’s comment about John McCain as POW not being a winner was reprehensible. I can’t honestly imagine how that must have felt for the hundreds of men who endured torture and unspeakable treatment as POW’s.

The last episode which documents how we pulled out of Vietnam was beyond difficult to watch. The hopeless families desperate to get out as the North Vietnamese army invaded was terrible in the context of our broken promise to help them came to life, a promise that we probably should never even have made.

I’ve come to a point that I think people who are making decisions on war should only be people who really understand war. And I think the only ones who REALLY understand war are those that have been in it. It chills me to think that there are people making real decisions about war who don’t know the horror it involves.

More than anything else I felt tremendous compassion for the people fighting on both sides of the war, it was horrific.

I bristle at times when people say learn your history or your doomed to repeat it. I feel like it’s more of sentence to keep doing the same things. Like there’s not enough room to clearly see the present moment. This documentary certainly squarely challenged my position.

I’m irreversibly changed forever having watched it in ways that I’m not even aware of yet.

July 13, 2017

I had an odd convo with a co-worker where we were wondering whether anyone could be TRULY altruistic, in the context of sushi chefs of all things.

I suggested that in order to be truly altruistic (the unselfish concern for the welfare of another human being with no benefit whatsoever personally) you need to shed the definition of what it means to be a flawed human.

I started thinking that maybe the only true, 100% pure altruism could come from a robot which is designed to look after the welfare of another human being. And so I wondered…..

If the absolute unselfishness comes from a robot does could I actually receive it with a full heart for the intention of what it was designed to do?

Or, is it more likely that our totally human, often flawed attempts at being altruistic are more meaningful because it’s coming from a context of a shared human experience temporarily overcome with the best efforts to be altruistic?

Like does it actually FEEL different because in spite of its flaws it’s the EFFORT involved to try to shed the humanity in that moment of unselfishness vs pure unfettered service from a being designed to do so.

Shortly thereafter I was all but ready to pitch Westworld meets Touched by an Angel (old school!) to HBO but then moved on to my avocado toast.

May 10, 2017

My mostly unspoken but enacted commitments, to the best of my ability, to my teenage daughter, are that I commit to, with every ounce of my soul:

Be a warrior for you. I’ll go into any battle beside you and whenever necessary in front of you without a second thought.

Be a human for you. I’ll make mistakes and admit it when I do.

Be a listener for you. I’ll be ready when you’re ready to tell me what you want and sometimes even before you are (at which point I’ll refer you to the “human” entry above). I commit that I won’t try to fix it EVERY time (and when I do I’ll again refer you to the “human” entry above).

Be a joke for you. It’s one of my God given gifts and from God’s hands to our ears, I will share my rather weird view of the world and play off yours too as we laugh like crazy.

Be a teacher for you. Whatever I have learned and un-learned it’s there for you, any time you want it.

Be “not so serious” for you. I will to remind you that 97% of the time, it’s just not worth taking things so seriously and won’t judge you even when you do take seemingly smaller things really seriously…and even maybe laugh about it afterwards.

Be a cheerleader for you. I will share the fulfillment and joy I get in seeing the beauty of you competing in sports and when you succeed I’ll bust out the pompoms. I love that you love to win and compete.

Be a shoulder for you. When you need to cry and my shoulder is the one you need most or any other times it’s available…always.

Be authentic for you. I promise I’ll cry when I’m happy, sad, hurt, joyous, etc. and won’t fight to hold it in.

Be a reminder for you. I know you’re strong just as you are and so am I, I’ll remind us of that so we can get through things together.

Be a hug for you. Need I say more?

Be a model for you. I’ll teach you to succeed, not succeed “like a man”…that’s garbage.

Be an embarrassment for you. You have a Dad who is a goofball at times so I will almost certainly embarrass you, but you’re used to it right?

Be in the background for you. I commit to let you live your life, neither of us are happy when I try to control everything.

Be a pain for you. Yes, there are times when I’m going to draw boundaries, say no, call you out and when I do I will supply with a time honored source of rebellion for teenagers. If you aren’t pissed off at me on a semi-regular basis, I’m not doing my job.

Be a student for you. I’m willing to learn new things and realize you can teach me some of them.

Be realistic for you. You are a teenager and I promise not to give you the “back in my days” bs or the “you’re all so entitled” bs, I know it’s harder in some real ways to be a teenager these days and I know you’re a teenager and it’s unfair to paint with an old or irresponsible brush.

Be present for you. I commit that I’ll do the work when I’m not with you so that when I am with you I am.

Be a perspective for you. I’m willing to share when I’ve been through tough things that might be like what you are. I’m willing to remind you when you’ve gotten through tough things as you go through them.

Be a debater for you. Let’s argue about things going on in the world, it’s worth it.

Be a believer for you. If you believe strongly enough in something and it’s at odds with the prevailing, broken point of view, I’ll back you…100%. If you’re following just to follow, expect us to go back to the previous line.

Be a believer in you. I believe in you 100%.

Be a truth teller for you. Even when it’s really uncomfortable I’ll do it.

Be a Dad for you. More than anything else, the one unchanging fact is that from the moment you were born, I’m your Dad and will be that until the day I die.

Qatari leadership is visionary in that they realize they need to look beyond the oil and gas economy. It’s a fascinating study in the intersection of business and humanity. There is a lot culturally to break through to really shift to an entrepreneurial mindset for the investors and entrepreneurs to thrive but the vision and energy is there.

It was really invigorating to be a present part of a 20-30 year vision. So much of what I’m surrounded with in business has a less than 5 year horizon. That longer term vision gives importance and space for achieving lasting and meaningful impact.

It was so rewarding to see the researchers light up as they saw the possibilities roll out of how their years of work, their babies essentially, could be taken to market successfully by entrepreneurs who care. I was totally blessed to bring my piece of the puzzle in helping them with their presentations.

The long term vision is to help shift the researchers into a commercialization oriented entrepreneurial mindset ala Silicon Valley.

It will be fascinating to see what comes of it. More to come.

And, here are a few quite random reflections from my trip to Doha, Qatar:

There is construction EVERYWHERE. So much so that they are actually running out of SAND! So they are fighting against illegal importation of sand….in the desert. They are building world class facilities and have a TON of capacity to fill.

I met the ONLY couple in the world that is a marriage between a Qatari and Norwegian and they were delightful. In certain cases, there is an approval process for Qatari citizens to marry different nationalities.

I had a heartwarming experience when a totally likeable and brilliant engineer/researcher pulled me aside at an event and told me that I had given him the incredible gift of teaching him “how to laugh”. My rather big and full laughter is unusual and he loved to laugh along with me and others as we joked around.

I LOVED the times when there was singing over the loudspeaker to remind those who observe it to pray. I honestly wish that we could somehow do something like that here that would be free of denomination or even belief in God (plenty of my atheist friends meditate). A reminder a few times a day for all of us to pause and reflect in some way would have a substantial beneficial impact.

There is a GIANT yellow bear at the airport. I found out it cost almost $7 Million. That’s one expensive relative of Winnie the Pooh. I only pray that they don’t open a honey store in the airport.

Their salt shakers are much better than ours because yield per shake is much higher (or put less business-y their salt comes out of the shakers faster with more of it each time I shook it).

They use Kleenex as napkins. It took some getting used to but ultimately it’s good because it’s more eco-friendly as I didn’t find myself using more of them. Oddly, for whatever reason I became more careful about how I ate so as to minimize my use of them.

Not surprisingly, without a shared pop cultural reference point my blue ribbon comedic material at times is met with confusing looks and crickets rather than laughter.

It’s hot. Like REALLY hot. I would go for a walk at 5:30 am and it felt perfect, by 6:30 am my walk ended luckily because it was already steaming hot. One upside is the AC in all the buildings I went to was phenomenal!

I’m not particularly surprised by this but was comfortably reassured. Parents there love their young daughters as much as I did/do, that made me really happy.

I played hoops with an international key and three point line on a wider court. And oh my GAWD it was a lot harder to do. Shots that normally drop were falling well, well short. (Oh and as a bonus the court was blue so I kinda felt like I was playing football at Boise State.)

Finally, I was reminded again how to be awake and aware to visitors to the USA as I walk around throughout my day. San Francisco in particular brings a confluence of all types of different cultures and perspectives. I was treated wonderfully while I was there.

It reminded me to be a little more patient, tolerant and kind and that my friend is, indeed, what is all about.

February 03, 2017

I was sitting on the bus listening to an audiobook about how to live in the present moment this morning. A guy got in, who I’ve seen before. He wears a fedora hat and fingerless gloves (judgment already arising…) and seems to act fairly brusquely (judgment arisen) when he rides the bus.

The bus is pretty packed and he has to stand…next to me and he turns and whacks me with his bag (ok he actually probably BARELY brushed me…)

I spend 2 seconds in a self-righteous fueled anger story about how he’s a jerk, he doesn’t care what he’s doing, confirming my story about him, etc. as I am still listening to how to be “in the moment”.

He turned around to me and gave me a gigantic smile and apologized, completely disarming me.

The person sitting next to me got up and fedora hat, no finger glove guy sat next to me.

I tapped him on the shoulder and told him the story of what I was thinking and the impact his smile and apology had. We had a big laugh about it and told me he works on exactly these kinds of issues personally and professionally.

He told me that like me, he struggles with this. We figured out in short order that on so many levels we were the same.

I put my headphones back on and after a minute took them off and put out my hand and said:

January 11, 2017

My friend Roy and I reminisced last night about LA sports radio man Jim Healy and we laughed hard until my heart hurt.

My Dad introduced me to Jim Healy in 1990. Jim Healy did quick current sports report with amusing reactions/sounds from spliced in interviews.

We used to cackle hilariously listening to him as we commuted and even on days off. We got to a point where even though we KNEW the jokes that were coming (“Who goofed? I've GOT to know!”) we STILL laughed really hard!

Sometimes we’d be at a restaurant or the golf course or the mall and pull a Jim Healy zinger out and laugh even harder.

We always made sure to schedule it so we could hear it. I remember RUNNING out of the office with him to the car to catch the whole show as we faced the commute.

Jim Healy died in1994 and I’ve never found another one like it (and I listen to LOTS of them).

And it goes beyond the show.

The thing is the show was a thread that wound my Dad and I together. It was sports, entertainment, laughter in the context of a tough time for my family and a time of hope for me at 20 years old.

I had some notion that times were tough and yet he always could let that go during the show.

The joy of the show was so pure and innocent.

My Dad’s health and memory is failing. Unfortunately remembering the show or even me is challenging. My heart strings were pulled quite tautly as I realized I will never get that time back (yes I can be grateful for it as well).

It was our running inside joke and a virtual soundtrack to a life neither of us took to seriously. I’ve passed this incredible gift onto my daughter. We even have our inside jokes that both of us know and even when we know they’re coming we still laugh really hard.

And still it doesn’t replicate how sports connect a Dad and son, nor should it. So while I’ve taken some time today to listen to it and had several big laughs, I can feel the tears behind it.