Finding humor in the struggles of being a mom and a woman.

The Gremlin Strikes Again. Elfing Elf.

The little devil has played his hand well this year. The Elf on the Shelf has more accessories and friends brimming the shelves of retail stores this year. The other day walking through the Christmas section of Target, I actually spotted a kitchen set and a reindeer for the little jerk. This provided an endless account of questions from my oldest baby about why the Elf would need a kitchen if we can’t touch him. Stupid, stupid Elf, always causing more work for mommy than needed, exactly why I wasn’t surprised by the events that took place on Wednesday.

With Grandma in town I took the opportunity to tackle some last item Christmas shopping. One purchase in particular that needed to be made on the wish list of my eldest: Elf on the Shelf pajamas. I had a plan in place. I would use the Kohl’s cash I rung in a few days prior to snag the desired asset. I first had tried to buy the pajamas via online but was defeated when I found that all boys Elf on the Shelf pajamas were SOLD OUT online. Having been in our local Kohl’s only a couple of days before hand, I had seen a display of the pajamas in the store. I would just head over and grab a pair with no problem. However, I would quickly be reminded that it wasn’t mommy who was in charge but that grinning little gremlin on the shelf was calling the shots.

I headed over to Kohl’s and after walking what seemed like a black hole of aisles I found only PINK and red Elf pajamas. Finally finding the customer service desk, with attendants that were less than thrilled to be employed, I pleaded for help to find the sleeping garments donning teeny tiny replicas of the devil Elf. After clicking and clacking on her keyboard, the monotone service rep informed me that they were all sold out of Boys Elf-ing pajamas and wouldn’t be restocking the item before Christmas. Are you #$%$#$% kidding me?!? Within days the damn pajamas had been ripped and bought out from the shelves. To my dismay I knew I would have to venture over next door to the big red rabbit hole that is Target.

Upon entering Target I bee-lined to the boys section. You name it they had it in the department of characters that filled the racks of PJs, EXCEPT the hell raising Elf. Shortly after being sucked into the dollar section and blinded by the clearance end caps I found a helpful employee donning red and khaki. He led me to the display of Elf on the Shelf unisex pajamas that they carried. They weren’t exactly what I was looking for and only had size 4 or 6, but unisex size 6 would do, plus I had a cartwheel deal for %25 off. Cha-ching. I grabbed the pajamas in a size six and after throwing a million other items I may have or may not have needed in the cart, I headed to the check out line, paid and drove home.

After unpacking my purchases and separating out what was Christmas and what was not I was faced with another Elf-ing problem … the pajamas were missing. I searched the car, no PJs. I went through the empty bags, no PJs. Checked the receipt, I HAD paid for the pajamas. AHHHH!!! $#%$%%^ ELF!!! I then proceeded to call the big red store. I then waited on the service line for an eternity. After being passed around between three associates, I was blessed with a miracle from baby Jesus when they informed me that they did have the pajamas in a size 6 waiting for me at customer service, but I would need to pick them up within 24 hours. Needless to say my husband and I found ourselves headed to Target during dinner time to collect our treasure. As the customer service cashier took the pajamas from the bin and handed them to me, the material seemed to glow with an exuberance that matched the happiness I felt after finally winning triumph over that stupid, grinning Elf-devil.

The treasured pajamas now sit in a secret safe spot in our master bedroom awaiting their unveiling on Christmas morning as a farewell gift from Jake (a.k.a our asshole of an Elf). I just hope size 6 fits ….