Feb 17, 2009

Make me laugh competition

The last competition I ran - while a technical fiasco - did seem to be reasonably popular. So let's have another go.

Post a comment, and include a joke, or a funny story or quote, or a link to a humourous picture video. Whichever tickles my funnybone most, wins a post from me about them, or the topic of their choice.

I once, when working in the exciting field of discount variety (Crazy Prices! Woot) in my teenage years, asked a woman with no arms past her elbows 'can I give you a hand?'. Really and truly. I wanted to die.

Also during the surly teenage Saturday job years, a lady came in asking if we had any Christmas themed lolly bags for kid's parties. Grumpy pimply hormonal 17 year old me thought I was being clever by telling her she could just write 'Jesus' under the 'Happy Birthday' ones. Apparently, they were for a church group. She had words with the manager.

Twas summer in London, and it being a Saturday I was walking to Covent Garden from Charing Cross station to meet friends for drink and maybe some food.

I did not notice the large rubbish receptical hiding in my path. The next thing i know the bin jumps me and I'm in the bin down past my shoulders. Happily my quick reflexes saved me and I managed to wriggle clear much to the appreciation of passers by who were clearly amazed at how i had managed to defend myself.

Okay okay I was distracted by a good looking woman walkign in front of me, didn't see the bin and ended up head first in the bloody thing.

Here is an 'honestly, you can be proud of your coordination, and also, you will live longer than i will' incident:

2006: Ironing in the early morningYou know life's unwritten instructions? Like, "Do not attempt to eat this giraffe?"

I'm fairly sure there's one that states, "While using a steam iron, be sure to wear pants."It is 6:45 am and I have groin burns. After the running water (And yes I did try to sit in the sink), I sent a text message to my best mate.

Richard responded to my anguished cry with:"It is with great trepidation I say that I always thought you had a hot pussy."

---An thing from work, 2007:

Incident while committing art with a small boy early last week:

Lad: "C'n I have some o' them fings?"

"The toothpicks?"

Lad: "Yeh, c'n i have some to take home?"

"Only if they're part of your artwork."

* Lad sits still for a few moments, then starts inserting toothpicks into the centre of his crepe-and-drinking-straw roses.

"What are they for?"

Lad: (thoughtfully inserts 8 more.) "Bees..."

----lovely links that I go to for happies:Kate Beaton's comics, like this and this one