Err, you obviously dress to protect, Timmy, yet one wonders why you feel the need for such large and pointy protective gear?

Black undies is "okay", but colour is good too. Up until a year ago every pair of undies I had was black, and this had been the rule for at least a decade - then I dared to break my own rule, out of boredom, rather than any compelling reason.

Bras, of which you may or may not indulge in the privacy of your own home, must, must, must be in any number of gorge-arse colours and lacy designs available to the modern gel.

Come to think of it, I don't think I have ever owned any brown clothes.

More gross than brown undies: g-strings, no matter the colour.

The visible g-string "line" has to be one of the most heinous dress crimes ever committed. Don't women know that everyone can SEE that they have a piece of string between their butt cheeks; and don't they know that everyone can SEE their "cheeks" merrily wobbling all over the place? After all, the g-string may have separating properties, but no-one ever said it had lifting or firming qualities.

Short story:

Puke inducing moment in the workplace: obscenely paid, executive manager – female – late forties; childless, but long married; fond of wearing skirts up to her arse (so that crotch visible when seated), and tight clothing of all manner. Summer: white pant suit; readies to go to important meeting; goes into office to REMOVE her jacket; heads off to said meeting – literally doing a little prance along the way for another, male, executive – “virginal white” she tittered at him. Rear view: white trousers, not opaque, entirely visible bum, entirely visible g-string. Entirely gross.