The Olympics started up at the end of last week, and we have been trying to consume as much of them as possible without a cable subscription. So far we have seen what the network has deemed interesting enough for us to see. It has been enjoyable, but I really miss the on demand, any event we want thing that they host online. You need a cable subscription for that access. Jerks. I would pay for that access, I would pay directly to NBC, but then the cable operators would be unhappy about that, and no one wants monopolistic cable operators to be unhappy.

Anyway… today’s questions are all about the Olympics. Thanks this week go to Nadolny, Lrd Pithy, Lsig, Chris Ring and Maj McArmypants.

Before we get into the the rest of the questions there were three questions that most people asked.

A. What is your favorite Winter Olympic event?

I love the bobsled… absolutely love it. My fav is the 2 man. Doesn’t matter if it is women’s or men’s.

B. What event needs to be shit-canned?

There truly aren’t that many events in the Winter Olympics. I guess I would say the team long track speed skating.

C. If you could add a sport, what would it be?

Ski Archery… Bow and arrows on skis, yes, puh-lease!

and now on to the rest of the questions:

1. What is Sochi? Is it a mining town, a key transportation hub, what?

It is a resort town on the Black Sea. It has been in the process of modernizing since the Olympic announcement to questionable results. They want to attract sporting events, and I hope that they can.

2. Does Scohi mean anything in Russian that is interesting?

Not that I could find.

3. Ok, so what's the real scoop on the fifth ring? I haven't been paying any attention to the news, but had some facebook feeds that mentioned some controversy of some sort.

Eh, it just didn’t expand correctly in the opening ceremony. I think for the Russian Viewers it was not shown or was edited to look like it did open or something like that.

4. The Olympics seem to always have a political component. I find this understandable, but sad, based on why it was started. Maybe we should have a Hunger Games olympics for the political discussions?

As long as politicians are the contestants in the Hunger Games-esque stuff, I think it could work.

It isn’t on my favs, but I have seen it. I found it delightful. The music made it for me. Who doesn’t love The Human League

6. Eddie the Eagle and the Jamaican bobsled team, truly what the olympics are about. Are there others? Comment and discuss.

The amount of training associated with all olympic athletes requires amazing amounts of sacrifice and dedication, so all Olympians have at least one inspirational story. The one from this Olympics that seems like Eddie the Eagle and the Jamaican Bobsledders is the Indian dude who is a luger. Number 1 is that he practices on active streets going down a mountain in India. Crazy ass shit that. Number 2 is that India is banned from this Olympics due to bribery and the dude is sledding under the unaffiliated competitors. That dude’s name is Shiva Kashavana… he fell off his sled and then got back on it. Boom

7. Name or create an Olympic event in which you would be guaranteed “gold.”

Well, since the battery on my car sucks, I have become really good at jumping my Jetta using the wife’s Rav4. I think I could get Gold in that as a timed event in -8 ° F weather.

10. How cool would it be if men’s speed skating outfits became appropriate for “casual Friday”?

Well… we wouldn’t have to wear that, right? To each their own, I just think those uniforms would be difficult in bathroom environments, but maybe that is what you are going after....

11. What do you think the original Olympic athletes would think about the modern games?

I think they would not understand why people were doing sports in the winter and then they would want to take off their tunics and get oiled up.

12. Pros/cons of the Winter v. Summer games? (I assume everyone will ask which one you prefer, so I'm setting you up to defend your choice).

I like the winter more because of the speeds associated with many of the events. Sure sprinters are fast but even the speed skaters who don’t qualify are faster than them.

13. Who is the biggest Olympics fan in your household?

the Wife, by far.

14. Historically, hosting the Olympics has not been an economic boon (in some cases, it has been a catastrophe) for the hosting city. Why do cities keep competing for it?

Because you know cities that have had the Olympics. It gives a cache to the city that other things do not. They are typically trading the economic boon for name recognition.

15. If DC were to win the 2024 games, would you try to attend? (And if so, how much will you be willing to pay to sleep on our couch?)

I would love to attend… but I have trouble thinking about how much I would pay to not go to work tomorrow much less how much I would pay to go to the Olympics. Ten years from now is a difficult sell.

16. Do you believe in Miracles!?

More like statistical improbabilities, amiright?

17. Am I the only one who thinks the Winter and the Summer games should still be at the same time every 4 years.

Nope, I have often thought that. In fact, that is what I am thinking right now.

I have some very strong opinions on why the Olympics pale in comparison to those of my youth. Please evaluate the following suggestions to improve the Games.

18. I miss the spirit of amateurism (the idle rich goofing off) where one guy with a shred of athletic ability could get like 50 medals in different dissimilar events. To recapture this I suggest that athletes be assigned their event when they get to the Olympics. Your thoughts? As an added bonus, this may cut down on all the world records being broken again and again.

What ever happened to Faster, Higher, Stronger? I love that the specialists are pushing things forward. You, sir, are an antiquarian stuck in a golden age of stagnation.

19. Similarly, I think we should just randomly pick Summer Olympic event and do it "ON ICE!!!" Sure you might get Bridge ON ICE!!!!, but also you might get Badminton ON ICE!!!! I would honestly pay to see that. Your thoughts?

I would love to see the shot put ON ICE! Lake ice to be specific.

20. The Running Man...... ON ICE!!! Here's your sub-zero, now just plain zero!

I take this as Arnold doing the 90’s dance step, and that is the only way I will think of this.

To recap:

It is craptastically cold here today

Again

Oh well, it is winter

I guess that is what we should expect in Ohio

Not so much in Sochi

I am not getting enough sleep

How can one get enough sleep

I really loved the LEGO Movie

Emmet Brickowski falls a bunch and screams whilst falling the whole time

It was delightful

The third act was a bit long and contrived, but other than that it was delightful

It was a delightfully fresh movie with a boatload of recycled characters