Boris not at all happy about calls for Cameron to resign

Boris Johnson is said to be absolutely devastated that there have been calls for David Cameron to resign. With no reason whatsoever to do anything other than support his best chum against unfair allegations, Johnson said that the campaign had to stop immediately.

Johnson said, with a mischievous wink, “Even if David did resign, who on earth would replace him? I am stumped. I honestly could not think of a better man for the job. Absolutely no one comes to mind. If only there was someone with the charisma and luscious locks that Cameron is, perhaps, lacking.”

Calls for his resignation have come after it was shockingly revealed that Cameron actually comes from a background of privilege. Cameron asked for the nation’s sympathy in a press conference, “So not everybody had a Daddy who paid for everything with his offshore account. But what matters is I gave all of that up to become prime minister. I put it all behind me for this glorious nation because we are truly all in this together.”

Meanwhile, Jeremy Corbyn has had the best week ever since becoming Leader of the Opposition. With Cameron busy single-handedly fucking up everything for himself, Corbyn had time to read the Collected Works of Marx and Engels cover to cover.