August Fly On The Wall

The great advantage of being a writer is that you can spy on people. You’re there, listening to every word, but part of you is observing. Everything is useful to a writer, you see – every scrap, even the longest and most boring of luncheon parties.

-Graham Greene

Welcome to the August Fly On The Wall!

Have you ever thought about what people might think if they saw what goes on behind-the-scenes at your house? Do you ever wonder what it would be like to catch a glimpse of someone else’s daily life? Here’s your chance. Today 15 bloggers are inviting you into their homes to be a fly on the wall.

The real, the weird, the life as only my circus can live it…

Our August Fly On The Wall

I washed a couple sleeping bags but made the fatal mistake of setting them down to answer the door.

Our fur family found their heated bedding to be especially delightful.

Psst, party on the chair pass it on!

“People in California are fascinated by Big Gulps. All day long I see Big Gulps and people refilling them. In Connecticut 7-11’s are gas stations too and they have Big Gulps but I don’t recall anyone being like ‘hey, let’s go to 7-11 and refill my Big Gulp’. I don’t know if we just didn’t know it was there or what… Wanna go refill our Big Gulps?” Lyss, I do believe that the last statement you made might have solidified your application as an official convert to the beautiful land of fruits, nuts and apparently Big Gulp consumption!

Cheers to only wearing scarves as a statement and flip flops in December!

Yes, shall we drive “The ‘Lude”?

“What’s that?” one of the kids asks about the sandwich I just made.

“A bacon sandwich,” I answer wondering if in fact I would make it out of my kitchen with my sandwich.

“Do you know how much cholesterol is in bacon?” came the reply.

“Who are you to judge my cholesterol content… could you hand me the cheese and maybe some Canadian Bacon too?” I ask.

“I will not be an accomplice to crimes against pork”

Ten minutes spent debating with several strangers where someone would wear these bell bottom gems that feel like dirt bike riding pants but look like the great grandmother of a pair of board shorts Kenzie once owned. Only at The Will can you find such interesting conversation starters.

I was down the hall in one of the kids rooms when I hear Min walk into my room talking to a cat.

I use this as my chance to do what all great mother do…

wait and time it just right to leap out and terrorize said child so she’ll actually have something good to talk about in therapy some day.

I waited to precisely the right moment to make a hideous face, spring into the hallway thus exploiting a completely awesome opportunity for a laugh. Mid way through the air I can see that I have totally scared her on a whole new level BUT in a delightful twist, upon her shoulder sat Luna. Well by that point Luna was hovering above her shoulder, hair on end, claws out and about to land back on the shoulder wearing a tank top .Min collapsed into a heap on the ground, offended cat landed on her back and used it as a springboard to launch herself down away from my freaky mug.

I continued into the leap landing into the bathroom, which was rather convenient given that I was about to lose all bladder control at any moment laughing that hard.

Min was scared speechless for a few minutes but she had stammering, laughing and issuing small short shots my way.

The cat shot us looks from around the corner of the end of the hallway but was only offended by the prank. Min did recover and swears that she’s going to get me back. I fear I have taught her well.

“If anyone cares, all my blood is falling out of my brain!”

That’s Luc’s code for chop chop the people that cater to the royal rear, there is bleeding from the nose again.

“Soon every few months I can go give blood and refill my karma points. Right now they just get stale so if I don’t use ‘em I lose ‘em out my nose,” he states.

“Is that anything like paying through the nose?” I asked trying not to laugh.

“Probably,” he says looking fairly certain.

We need to chat my creative little buddy…

“Animal Farm is not a happy movie. What I’d really like to know is how and why animals rising up would need for a bonfire, chanting and potentially roasting themselves. If they could make fire don’t you think chickens would have laser eyes and would no longer be nuggets?” K shares with me.

I remember thinking something similar the first time I saw it after reading the book… about the bonfire part not the death laser on a chicken part.

I got super sick.

Then The Handsome Prince caught it.

As you read this I am totally entrenched in Man Cold Land.

Save yourself, don’t come near.

I fear the whining might be contagious.

The kids spent a week with my mother. They reported the following findings:

*Shucky Darn is commonly used

*The Whoa Nelly story was told- an epic tale of a woman on a water slide

*She is believed to be part hummingbird

* “Don’t look at my privates” was uttered in reference to looking at the cards in her hand

*Glendale Theater in the round is still as wonderful as ever

* I’m in a dither is still tossed about in these parts

*That woman has more candy than anyone I know, has been stated more than once

* I know from nothing spoken fluently

*Grammy is a human crumb detector

While the kids were gone the adults tried hard to make the most of it.

On more than one occasion that week we turned on a movie on the big screen. I can’t really speak for anyone else but each time I was asleep within the first fifteen minutes but they were just as crashed out when I woke.

A little Pauly Shore comic relief for .25 cents?

Thank you, I shall.

“Hold it out of the hole. Hold it, hold it, there! Now push it baby. Push, push. Its not in the right hole! Up! Up! Now don’t force it just let it slide in smooth the way it was designed to. Okay, give it a little ugh, yeah that’s right. You seem like you’ve done this before.”

That was the direction I received when assisting The Handsome Prince changing the axle out of a car in our driveway. I was dying… it was so innocently bad and a rotor weighs more than you think when your trying to stick it in the… moving on!

Lyss and I accompanied The Prince to the driveway while he worked on her car.

“Whoooooooooooot!” Screeched from a tree across the street and repeated many times shortly after.

Next thing we know, it flies to the palm tree just above us and sits watching us for the rest of the project. We got out some binoculars and shined The Prince’s super powerful flashlight up at the tree. It was an incredible owl that bobbled his head around funny and appeared nothing like the one from Pooh Corner. It was amazing, it was kinda scary.

Miss Lyss is curled up in our bed reading my book. She’s totally enthralled with the characters and at the climaxing moment in desperate need of caffeine, I cracked the top of a Dr. Pepper.

The hiss escaped the bottle in the otherwise silent room. Lyss leaped straight up and nearly slid like an eel right off the bed. Such a range of emotions crossed her face in rapid succession… it might have been the best terrified reaction since Min.

I almost killed Lyss with a Dr.Pepper.

Luna “The Writing Cat” Lovegood goes to work with me every day.

I sit with my legs crossed so it leaves an open lap after I balance the laptop on my knees. I ask Luna if she’s writing today and she curls into my lap for some love before she watches me work. There is even a Writing Cat Song I sing to her. (I promise to work on getting out more ) I think she’s the bee’s knees and I do believe she might be my biggest fan.

Abandon Cart!

I was in the market wandering around with the kids. Off and on they were pushing the cart next to me until they left together to pick up a few items. I continue shopping and catch up with the kids eager to put my armful into the cart. They look at me and I at them as we stand by the cereal holding a bunch of stuff.

“Where’s the cart?” I ask.

“We left it with you.”

Three isles away sat my sad abandoned cart wondering where we had gone.

“To your face we call it creative genius but behind your back moments like these shall be retold,” Min states.

Who loses their shopping cart while shopping in a market?!

I’m pulling a late night and working while The Prince sleeps next to me.

Out of nowhere he yells, “Delivery!”

A small piece of my soul died a little from the fright.

He didn’t remember a thing. the next day.

Back to Bob…

The plight of our good friend Bob generated a few emails, including an offer to purchase and rehang him in a room not containing the loo.

See MANY of the older FLY posts for the adventures of Bob.

Bob is doing quite well at the moment having found himself chilling out in the closet with a beautiful scenic view of the lovely boudoir. He has plans to come back from his vacation in the closet to a wall in the house soon.

Bob sends his regrets but he rather enjoys our funky family and will have to take a pass on the relocation package.

Hurry up and go spy on some of the most amazing writers and all around wickedly fantastic people participating…

I think I’ve told you before, but we have a Luna Lovegood, too. I love that she writes with you. Also, I may be outing myself as a crazy cat lady, but I love the first picture of all your cats on the fresh bedding. Too cute.

OMG, you play scaredy cat pranks on your kids, that’s hilarious and absolute genius. Nothing scares me though but I like scaring others *grin*.
I have a gawdawful flu and the only difference between you and I is I don’t lie in bed and I don’t use tissues, they scratch my nose.

Have I mentioned how much I love your family? Beware of the scarring/scaring incident. It’s weird how children never forget…
Love the “Changing of the tire” story. I was almost ready to yell “Don’t Stop!” hahahahha
I’ve been to 7/11 thousands of times and have never had a Big Gulp. It’s Ice-ees all the way, man!

The axle repair bit had me hooting loudly! And you made me remember the time I jumped out of the kid’s doorway and scared my son’s friend. He called me a “foul beast!”
Your blog made me grin from beginning to end – loved it!

I feverishly searched for a certain version of “Get Fuzzy” by Darby Conley after reading your post. I was unsuccessful. It had something to do with being able to stop cats from taking over the world by setting out warm fleece blankets…

Bacon and cheese sandwiches are especially lovely… have you tried this exquisite concoction? Mmmmmm…

I have Tiberius the kitty curled up with me right now. It’s quite nice to have a writing kitty!

As always, I smiled as I read your post and felt like I was right at home. I feel like I could walk into your house and not feel out of place…