Hear me out here - This sport isn’t like the other sports. It would test the durability, patience, and strength of a man. Nobody realizes how tough it is to jerk off for 10 straight minutes without busting a nut. That’s why we should have the absolute professionals all do it in one place on Tv. I don’t think it would be nsfw, we can just keep the camera on the pools of cum on the ground. Jerking off is a very tough test and requires a lot of concentration, and I have plenty of ideas for this.

Name

Professional Jerking / Jerking

How the game is played
I think professional jerking can have many different concepts, so let’s just set this is for the Olympics. We bring 50 of the worlds best masturbaters, and bring them into the arena. Think about it, the lights and sounds, the chants, as we prepare for the first profession jerking.

We start with round 1, the players get to chose what they want to watch and the clock stars 20 minutes down, every player has to jerk with condiments of there choice. Last one to nut wins. First five to nut are eliminated. Then, we do it again with a 20 minute break for advertisements and to regenerate nut power, as we go on to round 2.

We repeat the process over and over, until we reach a final 5. Last one standing. Now they have to jerk to each other. First to nut wins. As they watch their same gender opponents and try as hard as possible to jerk to their sweaty, white dicks, with how gay it is, they have to bust. First one to cum wins.

League
It’s be call the PJL.- Professional jerking league, and the league subreddit would be r/ProfessionalJerking.

That is all. I have a dream that this could happen one day. Sorry in advance for any formatting issues i’m on mobile

edit: In no way would the camera work be nsfw, they would have “pan cams” where they show cum that’s coming out, but the dick is censored. There is also a large crowd that fits about 20,000 around them

No the machine takes care of that, it will adjust to be putting the exact same pressure on all parts of the dick and with the same speed. No difference if the guy next to you has a phat cock, the machine will put the exact same pressure

What if the scoring system wasn’t entirely based on how long they lasted? The score would be based on a variety of factors such as:

Total Number of strokes

(Potentially) average amount of time in between strokes and/or average length of a stroke

Total time lasted

You would get more points for more strokes but you would lose points if the strokes were really long. So a professional would get more points by jacking off REALLY fast but they would have to try a lot harder. But then there could be guys who make strategy’s where they have a relatively high amount of total strokes over a long period of time, so that they could get points from the total time and the total strokes, and cancel out the penalty for stroke times. They would find a way to make this work.

Your idea is bullshit and way too simple. If we're going to put masturbation into the olympics, it needs to have its own disciplines. Imagine the possibilities:

The Sprint Jerk (aka what everyone does anyway):

Get 8-15 guys lined up, lying down next to each other. Starter pistol fires and they're off to see who can cum the fastest. With technology nowadays we can see photo finishes, slow motion replays, you get the idea.

The Jerkathon:

The endurance event of jerking off. This'll be a set time limit, maybe 6 hours, where the athletes have to jerk off as many times as possible. I can see attendants walking around with water, passing out cups like at a marathon, but instead of drinking it, the athletes dip their worn out dicks in it in between orgasms.

The Cum Shot Put:

The distance event. One guy at a time comes up to the line, jerks off, and tries to shoot his load as far as he can. He can wind up too, like spin around and thrust his hips out just before he cums. A real event of timing and technique.

Target Shooting:

Athletes jerk off aiming for targets, bull's eyes, clay pigeons, you get the idea.

I’d maybe have it as a relay, as before, where your cum lands, that’s where the next person starts from. Teams of 8-10(??). Once one guy’s cum hits the floor, the next guy starts from that exact spot and so forth. First team to finish... comes first, (pun intended).

You forgot “Volume”. First person to produce a cup of ejaculate wins. This would have the benefit of stressing the body to the furthest stretches of physical limits and encourage athletes to be on strict diets and well hydrated in addition to training up the capacity of their nut glands.

I don’t feel like a cup is entertainment enough. I can do that normally in about three minutes and lap it all back up like a dog in about half that time.
I think a two-liter soda bottle might be a better spectacle, really push the boundaries of what a human nut can do.

You've obviously thought this through. My recommendation would be for a time zone finish. Start a timer for, say, 10 minutes but don't let the fappers see the timer. Who ever nuts closest to the exact ten minute limit is the winner.

You can kill your dick if you don't supply it with fresh oxygen. Erections cut off the blood supply and it's why ED commercials tell you to go to the doctor if you have an erection for more than four hours. It's a funny joke, but losing your dick because your blood and flesh necrotized is no joke.

"In case you are just tuning in, we are nearing the epic finish that we've all been waiting for, our contests have been presented with their choice of "My Little Pony" erotica, and they are off to the races!"

"Yes, Cotton, let's turn over to the US' 31-year-old star athlete, Bobert Bulingar. He's brought his own, by the looks of it, quite worn, picture of Rainbow Dash being sodomized by not one, not two, but three humans. He has taken a commanding lead and is plowing through without any concern, like he is back at home and not here at the olympics, possibly the most important sporting event of his career"

"But desperately trying not to be outdone, Croatia's Terrance Bartholomius is furiously stroking away to, let's see .... huh, there doesn't appear to even be a picture, he's just reading some fan fiction about an orgy starring the entire cast. "

"A bold strategy, Cotton, I imagine that makes Terrance's task at hand that much harder. And he's only 23, quite a bit younger than the average age for this sport. It must take nerves of steel, as rock solid as his penis is right now to maintain form with so much riding on the line."

Back in highschool I worked for a small painting company. Couple older guys were running the buisness. The head guy was about 50, real nice guy. Always looked out for his employees. Anyways sometimes we would travel long distances to paint apartments and would stay the night in the rooms. One time we got off work and went up to our rooms to get some chow and we all were sitting around smoking dope on the balcony when randomly one of my friends tossed the blunt off the balcony and im like wtf? Then right after he did that our boss came barreling in and went fukin phsycotic. He was like "WHAT THE FUK WAS THAT! WHAT THE FUK WAS THAT!" He screamed it a couple times before my friend finally said it was a blunt. Then he looked each one of us in the eye and asked us if we had smoked, all said no besides 2 of my friends who my boss had seen passing the blunt to each other as he came in. He pulled them into the apartment right beside our balcony and just went APE SHIT. He was so mad, nothing he was saying made any fucking sense, just absolutley belligerent. He kept asking them to fight him, calling them pussies. He said all sorts of crazy bizzare things. After about 4 or 5 minutes of screaming at them, calling them names and threatening them he started talking about his life how hard he had it as a kid. Then he started telling them how he and his friends used to have masturbation contests to see who could masturbate the farthest... I'm not kidding and it was Not calmly either he was screaming it at them. He goes "YOU FUCKS THINK YOU HAVE BIG DICKS HUH, ME AND MY FRIENDS USED TO HAVE MASTURBATION CONTESTS TO SEE WHO COULD MASTURBATE THE FARTHEST. YOU GUYS REALLY THINK YOU HAVE BIG DICKS HUH!?" We all looked at each other and almost shit are selves with laughter. Both of my friends who were getting bitched out sounded like they were about to cry, their voices were quivering so bad lol. None of us worked their again. Hard to believe but the strangest thing id ever heard anyone say during a psychotic rage. But anyways I guess there are people out there that do have masturbation contests

This is fucking stupid, I'd jerk off like three times before the contest, and just win. It also unfairly biases towards homosexuals... and who jerks off with a condiment?

Now instead, let's fix this idea and we can go for a new olympic games, we have three events. "Speed" "Quantity" and "distance/Accuracy". I think the categories explain themselves but it's basically one attempt. Who ever cums the fastest, cums the most, or can hit a target the farthest out accurately wins. You only are in one of the three categories at a time.

Would you guys consider jacking off to be a sport? I don't know about you motherfuckers but I consider that shit to be a sport okay? If people can sit back and label goddamn golf which is the boringest fucking sport in the world. Think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing in golf my niggа? All you doing is hitting a goddamn golf club. "Oh my god that's a long as birdie man, nice birdie, nice put, and it went 258..." get the fuck outta here nobody cares about that boring ass shit. Who the fuck really watches golf my niggа? Nobody gives a fuck. It makes niggаs fall asleep. Fishing on the other hand... What the fuck are you really doing athletically my niggа in fishing?

As a sport, it would be waaaayy too hard to standardize. You’d have to provide a line of Olympic-level functional model penises, define the act of ‘completion’ beyond a shadow of a doubt, and emphasize technical practices for scoring. Not to mention navigating the bureaucratic nightmare of motion in the ocean rhetoric and leftist minute-men resistance.

I remember a Japanese movie where american man were kidnapped and forced to jerk off infront of whatever people they were bringing in to have sex. the first one to finish would survive, the other was shot in the head.

that scene ended when the kidnapped american survived a few times, until the next sex act was an old man and a child. the american couldn't bring himself to finish first and was shot in the head.

EDP445 would like a word with you.”Would you guys consider jacking off to be a sport? I don’t know about you motherfuckers, but I consider that shit to be a sport, okay? If people can sit back and label goddamn golf, which is the boringest fucking sport in the world, a goddamn sport, if you can label that shit as a sport, and if you can label goddamn fishing as a sport, I know damn well you can label jacking off a sport. Think about it, what the fuck athletically are you really doing in golf, my guy? All you doing is hitting a goddamn golf club, “Oh my God man, that’s a long ass birdie man, nice birdie, nice putt, man it went 250 yards.” Get the fuck outta here, nobody care about that boring ass shit. Who the fuck really watches golf, my dude? Nobody gives a fuck, it makes everybody fall asleep. Fishing on the other hand, what the fuck are you really doing athletically, my guy, in fishing? All you’re doing is that you’re sitting your bitch ass up in a boat, usually it’s old ass snagger-teeth motherfuckers that ain’t got no goddamn teeth up in they fucking grill, or up in they mouth. They’re just sitting up the goddamn boat, you know what I’m saying. Throwing a goddamn rod. It can be any kind of goddamn bait up on the end of the rod. It can be a worm, it can be a caterpillar, it can be a centipede, it can be a dead ass butterfly, it can be a fucking beak of a damn bird, it can be a fucking, it can be anything, you know what I’m saying? “Oh my God! We caught a big ass salmon, reel that fat bitch in, yeah.” Motherfucker, what are you doing athletically? How the fuck is that working up a sweat, my dude? What, you’re working out your arms, because you have to reel that motherfucker in? Man, that’s not a sport, dawg. Well, fuck it. You know what, it is a sport. Fuck it. You guys want to consider that shit to be a sport? Jacking off is a fucking sport to me. Jacking off and beating your motherfucking dick to porn is a sport. There’s two damn things that you have to do. A. You build up a sweat. Well actually, you don’t have to do shit. There’s basically two things that goes down, that’s what I meant to say. A. You’re building up a sweat. I don’t give a fuck man, if you are building up a sweat, goddamn it, that’s shit is considered a sport. You’re building up a sweat. Number 2, and the most important part of that shit, is that your hand is getting a workout. Your hand is getting a workout, man, you are building up your arm strength, and you are building up your hand strength, okay. I don’t know about you, dude, but when I’m beating my shit, man, my fucking hand muscles get fucking tight, you know what I’m saying? And that shit wears the fuck out of my entire left arm. I used to be able to do it with my right hand, can’t do that shit, so I do it with my left hand. So, in my personal opinion, do you guys consider jacking off a sport? Man, in my opinion, I believe it is. So I know with some of you trolling ass fuckin bitches are gonna say “Oh, man, you must not get no pussy, motherfucker, if you jack off.” Motherfucker, let’s be real, okay? Everybody has jacked off once in they goddamn life. If you gonna sit back, and you gonna come on my video, and troll my shit, say “Oh, Jimmy, I never jacked off once in my life.” Bitch, stop lying. Everybody does this shit, okay? So please miss me with that bullshit, dude, and go preach that shit to somebody who fucking is actually gonna listen to you, okay? Number 2, “Oh my God, this comment was stupid. It was pointless.” Couldn’t’ve been that stupid, bitch, you still read it! You know what I’m saying? All the motherfuckers that’s reading this, man, you saw the first sentence of the fucking comment before you read this shit. So it couldn’t’ve been that damn stupid if you still proceeded to click on the motherfucker. So, jacking off. The shit’s a sport, fuck it. ?”

Bro, I love you're creativity. However this good sir is riddled with holes. Not to mention that it would be extremely difficult to regulate, both for competition fairness and in terms of safe to broadcast.

Ps. What's up with the random gay stranger jerk? And even more puzzling is why you say quote "white dicks jerking each other" like why are they white dicks?
If it's people from the whole world, would be a lot more color in that group.

My only issue with your idea is why do you assume all athletes are going to be straight white men?

Like, of course, the females would be separated into their own event (would it still be called jerking though?).

But there's no reason there can't be sweaty black dicks and sweaty other human colours dicks too.

And finally, being gay would give a massive advantage in the final round, so recruiters would target those particular athletes.

Now for the Paralympics equivalent, I want to see guys with hooks for hands try this for sure, maybe also deaf guys (because they can't hear the sounds they're making so I'm expecting weird grunts and stuff lol), and guys with no legs (just picture it), just to list a few.

No it's nsfw af. Olympics are a sports event where families can come together around the TV and have a good time and be proud of their countrymen/countrywomens' achievements, a jerking of league wouldn't be fitting and also it's not pleasent to see men moaning and bust a nut so nah.

though there needs to be more category's. longest (and possibly shortest) time till ejaculation ? most times in a row ? most times in an hour ? maybe not counting ejaculations but just going till you can't go anymore or counting who shoots the furthest. or jacking it whilst doing other things, like running ? so many sports could have a masturbation version, it would be like the winter olympics... except more white.

im just saying i would rock this, im not tall, handsome, smart or even that likeable or physically inclined... but if there's one thing i can do is jack it, my record is 16 in a row before i had to turn my pc off and say "no, stop doing this you animal, you've had enough"... the next day was not pleasant, i was dehydrated and it felt like i'd had an all night session with a very energetic lady made of sandpaper and salt.

I been training my whole life for this. I mean, since i was thirteen. High school letterman in the 5th Period Circle Jerk. Serious handicap, tho, cuz house rules awarded winner to be the first urethral expectoration, not last as you propose. A speedy beat as opposed to a languished stroke. Like track/field vs cross-country.

Well, definitely unpopular. And I wouldn't watch it. But if you want to, go ahead. Maybe if you tweet PornHub Aria, they'll make it an annual competition on PornHub with prize money for the champion, and half of all proceeds or whatever going to charity.

NOT NUTTING in front of millions of people watching is far easier than not nutting at home. The real challenge would be how long you can keep a full erection, a steady pace AND not nut whilst having all the nut pressure from the crowd.

A few years ago my friends and I had the same conversation and we looked it up. There is a competition in Asia where the goal is to climax as many times as possible. Their mascot is a black dildo with wings

While I can see that masturbation would be an interesting test of virility and may be appropriate for some cultures, I feel that in the West it would become operational within existing ideological structures.

The simultaneously anti-sex and pro-sex ideology of Western cultures already pressures teenage boys to masturbate excessively. This is part of a reaction to Christian sexual repression in the form of Fascistic Hollywood masculinism. It also provides a 'safety valve' for male libido, removing its agency to operate socio-sexually -- sexologists and feminist academics love this, because they think male libido is a source of sexual violence and macho culture. Parents and society at large also like to prevent the seduction of fair young maidens by girly or unworthy teenage boys, so they do little to challenge this ideology that maintains social order.

Excessive masturbation has raised a generation of alienated, sexually repressed, perverted young men who don't know how to woo, have no intuitive grasp of flirty play, are weird around girls and who believe a bizarre, American, anti-love ideology of puerile masculinity. Introducing it to the Olympics would therefore just create yet another oppressive apparatus of nation-states and global capital for the abolition of love, poetry and freedom.

I disagree. If you jack off multiple times a day it becomes increasingly difficult. If there is some standard such as those flesh lights on jerk off machines sure but even still it’s not impressive to see how long somebody can last. And it doesn’t require super strong feats. Just a lot of jacking off. And there’s benefits to circumcised people who jack off dry can desensitize significantly better (source: myself) than someone whose uncut and or used lotion. Idk doesn’t seem like an interesting thing plus could be offensive to cultures and religions. Over all not worthy of being a sport.

You can use anything to help you jerk as long as its not a drug / viagra. It is very difficult to last long without busting a nut, maybe some people have better advantages.

It’s like the NBA, you can’t just separate the short and tall people, they have to play with their natural advantages and disadvantages, as in being uncircumcised and circumcised, play on. As for if it’s very offensive, most people know it’s natural to give it a wank. We’ll work on becoming advertiser and family friendly soon

This would be considered too pornographic for the Olympics and it would be too easy to cheat. What if a straight guy says he wants to watch gay porn. Wouldn’t he have a huge advantage? He could still stay hard if he tried, but he wouldn’t nut. It would be super easy to cheese your way into the top 5.

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