Planes: Fire & Rescue trailer: someone make it stop

I thought I knew how atrocious a sequel to Planes — itself a desperate cash-in on the dreadful Cars series — could be.

And then I saw this trailer, and was humbled.

The inspirational rock ballad about touching the sky and doin’ what ya gotta do and givin’ it all ya got — aimed at machines who are exactly like human beings, just because they are — has knocked the stuffing out of me. I have no ammunition to counter this. I can see no point in trying even if I did. For we are intended to take whatever good and positive feelings we may have about human heroism and selflessness in the face of danger and transfer them to machines who are exactly like human beings, just because they are. And this trailer will brook no objection to the plausibility of this. Humans = machines = humans. This trailer dares you not to accept this.

I am a broken woman this morning.

It’s all in 3D, of course. Focus groups have shown that human emotion is better twisted to unnatural ends when you’re about to start sobbing from the annoyance of 3D glasses on your face.

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