Author
Topic: You don't like that. (Read 9645 times)

BG: DH stopped eating wheat because of a book. This changed a significant portion of his diet and inadvertently uncovered his lifelong extreme eczema was really an allergic reaction to (drum roll please...) wheat. We've been testing and over the last year have more or less eliminated his triggers, with excellent results in both his skin and physical condition. The transformation literally made me cry. I can't imagine how much he suffered for all this time, and am so thankful it has ended.

Now that DH can't eat any of his comfort foods, I make all sorts of new things to try out. He's been excited and receptive about the new offerings. We've reached a point where I can say "this is gluten free" and DH is willing to give it a try. He's started eating things he would never have touched two years ago and is finding he likes a lot of foods he either wouldn't or didn't eat before.

Now we've run into the problem of people reminding us what DH eats, or specifically, what he doesn't eat. They feel the need to point out that DH doesn't eat this or that in a way that implied I'm feeding him things he dislikes.

We had BIL and his partner over for dinner on Sunday and BIL's SO was chatting with me in the kitchen while BIL popped in and out asking what I was making. Eventually dinner was ready and as DH served himself a heaping portion of chickpea salad BIL looked at him and said, "You don't like that."

DH looked at the spoon in his hand, his brother, me, BIL's SO, BIL again, and said, "What an interesting assumption."

Interesting fact that I picked up in another thread about allergies and food that I did not know - Soy sauce (most brands) has wheat in it! I started looking at the ingredient list on them. and almost all brands had wheat listed as either the first or second ingredient. Now my hubby is careful when shopping, and we make sure that I get a soy sauce that does not have wheat.

Sheesh, you have to check *everything*.

ETA: Interesting side story - I dislike chickpeas, but recently tried a huummas with artichokes, and thought it was wonderful. You never know about tastes.

Interesting fact that I picked up in another thread about allergies and food that I did not know - Soy sauce (most brands) has wheat in it! I started looking at the ingredient list on them. and almost all brands had wheat listed as either the first or second ingredient. Now my hubby is careful when shopping, and we make sure that I get a soy sauce that does not have wheat.

Look for tamari. It's not guaranteed to be wheat-free, but much more likely. Tastes better, too.

Logged

It is the policy of the United States Navy to neither confirm nor deny the presence of nuclear weapons aboard its vessels.

I would hope not, that was not a very polite thing to say. I get that it's annoying when you are trying out a different diet - my in-law's table is always laden with things I am trying to avoid - but a simple, "I've found I actually like this, thanks" is a fine way to respond. The "interesting assumption" comes off as overly defensive.

I have to agree with the previous poster - if BIL didn't know that your DH's eating habits had changed, it's not an assumption. All your DH needed to say was something along the lines of how his tastes have changed.

I would hope not, that was not a very polite thing to say. I get that it's annoying when you are trying out a different diet - my in-law's table is always laden with things I am trying to avoid - but a simple, "I've found I actually like this, thanks" is a fine way to respond. The "interesting assumption" comes off as overly defensive.

I wonder, though, if what prompted him to say it was the "interesting assumption" not about what he liked and didn't like, but the one about how he is just a passive man-child who just eats whatever his wife puts in front of him, whether he likes the food or not, and can't speak up for himself. Or maybe the one about how his wife just gives him food and doesn't care if he likes it or not, and basically says "You can't get up from the table until you have cleaned your plate".

Those assumptions are the ones really getting me in that story. The OP and her DH are adults, and married, and what she prepares as meals and whether or not he eats them, I would hope that we all should assume that this is a thing they have discussed together before the meal, and that OP knows what DH likes and provides it for him, and there is enough communication that if he wants to try something that he's not sure if he'll like, she'll go along with it.

I don't know, maybe I'm just reading too much into it, but it really is an "interesting assumption" that the OP would just be giving her husband food and insisting he eat it, and that he wouldn't speak up if he didn't like it-basically the assumption that there is a lot of immaturity here.

And I'm not disagreeing with anyone here, by the way, this was just the previous post that was closest to what I was thinking, so I quoted it.

I have to say, I agree with General Jinjur and pharmagal. I honestly think your DH's reply was a little snotty, especially given that his brother didn't really make an "interesting assumption" at all. If your experience with a person has always been that they dislike ingredient X, it isn't at all unreasonable to assume they will not like a dish composed mainly of ingredient X. An assumption is not automatically unwarranted or "interesting" just because it happens to be wrong. One can make a perfectly logical, reasonable assumption but still happen to be wrong.

Logged

"Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies DO divert me, I own- and I laugh at them whenever I can." -Jane Austen

I would hope not, that was not a very polite thing to say. I get that it's annoying when you are trying out a different diet - my in-law's table is always laden with things I am trying to avoid - but a simple, "I've found I actually like this, thanks" is a fine way to respond. The "interesting assumption" comes off as overly defensive.

I wonder, though, if what prompted him to say it was the "interesting assumption" not about what he liked and didn't like, but the one about how he is just a passive man-child who just eats whatever his wife puts in front of him, whether he likes the food or not, and can't speak up for himself. Or maybe the one about how his wife just gives him food and doesn't care if he likes it or not, and basically says "You can't get up from the table until you have cleaned your plate".

Wait, where is this assumption made anywhere? As I read it, the husband didn't previously like chickpeas, his brother (mildly, in my opinion) commented, and the husband reacted defensively? I think you are hugely reading into it.

I would hope not, that was not a very polite thing to say. I get that it's annoying when you are trying out a different diet - my in-law's table is always laden with things I am trying to avoid - but a simple, "I've found I actually like this, thanks" is a fine way to respond. The "interesting assumption" comes off as overly defensive.

I wonder, though, if what prompted him to say it was the "interesting assumption" not about what he liked and didn't like, but the one about how he is just a passive man-child who just eats whatever his wife puts in front of him, whether he likes the food or not, and can't speak up for himself. Or maybe the one about how his wife just gives him food and doesn't care if he likes it or not, and basically says "You can't get up from the table until you have cleaned your plate".

Wait, where is this assumption made anywhere? As I read it, the husband didn't previously like chickpeas, his brother (mildly, in my opinion) commented, and the husband reacted defensively? I think you are hugely reading into it.

But I don't see in the OP where it says that he previously didn't like chickpeas, either. My DH won't eat many things that he's never tried. There are things that I won't eat that I've never tried, due to either being told that I won't like it or proximity to other things I don't like. If I were to suddenly have to drastically change my diet, I'd probably be open to trying some of these things, just to add variety. Further, OP's DH was serving himself. He was not eating off of a plate that had been handed to him full where he might not know the contents of his plate. To tell an adult what they should and should not put on their own plate is rather rude (unless BIL was warning that there was a known allergen in the dish).