Man : You boys may be leaving today, but remember this: Camp Tiny Pine is not just a place, but a feeling. A feeling that takes roo in your heart. So wear your evergreen friendship necklaces close to the trunk to remind you of the special time that you had here.

Rusty : Now go out there and proudly spread your seed. I'm really not sure

what's wrong with me today, sir. Not funny.

WASHIGTON D.C – Casey office

Woman : Casey, the door.

Casey : Wait. I have to... Hold on. Sorry. What?

Max : Do I need to do something?

Casey : No, I have a code. I've never been so happy to see someone in my entire life.

Casey : Am I a horrible person for being partly glad your Caltech grant money fell through and you're stuck at Cyprus with me?

Max : I could never describe you as horrible.

Casey : Even though that part that's glad is way, way bigger than the other sad for you part?

Max : I forgive you.

Casey : All that stuff I told you bout the summer, let's just keep it between us, OK? I don't want anyone else to know. Not even Ashleigh.

Max : Your secret’s safe with me.

Credits

EXT. ZBZ HOUSE

Casey : Here we are.

Max : You gonna get out?

Casey : Totally.

Max : You having second thoughts?

Casey : Change is good. It's just... The thought of disappointing Ashleigh kind of scares the crap out of me.

Ashleigh : You're back, you're back!

Casey : Seatbelts!

Ashleigh : OK, Casey and I hav a lot of catching up to do, so you can just d your manly unpacking thing.

Casey : I missed you so much! OK, OK, so tell me Did you?

Ashleigh : It took 44 summer campus tours. But I did it. I am no longer Credit Plus' bitch. OK, I want to hear all about Washington because months of emails aren't good enough. But before that we hav two major house things to discuss. First, OK, I changed the rush balloons from pink and white to all gold.

Casey : What the hell?

Ashleigh : You're right. I knew it. The bling-bling thing is totally played out. This is a sorority, not a Beyonce video.

Casey : Why is Rebecca getting out of Frannie's car?

Frannie : Welcome back, Case! You look tired. Long drive?

Casey : Rebecca, what's going on?

Rebecca : We couldn't find parking in front of our house.

Ashleigh : That was the second major thing. Rebecca called last night and she's defecting to the Iota Kappa Iota house.

Casey : "Icky?"

Frannie : Iota Kappa Iota. Or the I-Kaps.

Ashleigh : Or the "Ickies."

Casey : Rebecca, you chose us. We initiated you last semester.

Rebecca : And I changed my mind. See you, girls, around Greek Row.

Ashleigh : Forget about stupid old Rebecca. With the Dynamic Duo on the job ZBZ will be unstoppable.

KT HOUSE - Party

Cappie : Summer! Hey Sppiter ! You promised to wear your Speedo.

Rusty : I just want to show these guys my new room. I finished the redesign. Hey, new guy.

Calvin : This is my boy, Andy. He and I used to play high school football.

Andy : I'm a freshman.

Calvin : And the Titans' number one high school recruit. But before you get any ideas, so he'll be pledging Omega...

Cappie : Don't say it. You know how I feel about the "C" word. Popsicle?

Andy : What flavor is this?

Beaver : Beer. Freshmen.

Cappie : You three have a fantastic time and remember, here at Kappa Tau, summer isn't officially over until the fat professor hands out the syllabus. Hit the water slide. Come on, guys.

Andy : They're exactly like you described them. You even called the water slide.

Calvin : Yeah, the KT's are nothing if not obvious.

Rusty : These are my brothers you're talking about.

Calvin : You're crazy if you think you can get any work done here. Sure that pledge paddle last spring didn't leave any lasting brain damage? I still can't believe that happened.

Rusty : I'm in a really good mood right now and I don't want to talk about Evan. Pretty much ever again.

Calvin : So how are you gonna get work done living here?

Rusty : Just wait till you see the oasis.

Calvin : This is nice, Rus.

Cappie : Let the belching contest begin!

Andy : It's almost freakishly quiet.

Rusty : Acoustic foam panels in the walls and the ceiling.

Calvin : Come on. I might even come here to study.

Rusty : See? I can have it all. Full time honors engineer... full time Kappa Tau brother! Full time honors engineer. Full time Kappa Tau brother! Engineer, brother, engineer...

ZBZ HOUSE – MEETING ROOM

Ashleigh : OK, first on the agenda should be rush, but as we all know, we have a little situation to deal with. Since some of our officers have... chosen a different path, we need to fill the following positions: Standards Chair.

Casey : I nominate Ivy. She has such a strong moral center.

Ashleigh : Done. But as for the all-important Rush Chair, Case...

Casey : Oh Laura !

Laura : Really?

Ashleigh : Rush Chair is really important this year, since we need twice the number of pledges to fill the house, thanks to Frannie. So I think we need someone with experience and someone I like.

Casey : Laura for sure. Yeah, she can be abrasive...

Laura : You realize I'm right here?

Casey :... but it's all in good fun and she is definitely experienced, not to mention crazy organized. Have you seen her closet? All the hangers are two finger spaces apart.

IKI Girl 1 : Wow Frannie !! I can't believe you found a vacant house on Greek Row.

IKI Girl 2 : This place is just so much awesomer than the ZBZ house.

Frannie : It's a work in progress.

IKI Girl 1 : And look. A ghost!

Joan : Hello, gals.

Frannie : Sisters, meet Joan, our landlady. She lives all the way upstairs and keeps to herself... mostly. Although we've agreed as a condition of the lease that Joan can, very occasionally and after giving notice, mingle with us. Very occasionally.

Joan : I was a Tri Pi myself, you know. Back in the day. I will never forget the Sputnik mixer with Lambda Sig. I let Eddie Bailey put his hand right here...

Frannie : That's wonderful, Joan. Why don't you go upstairs and make yourself another round of gimlets? Don't worry about her, girls, OK. Not even that old tramp is gonna stop Iota Kappa Iota from being the very best house on campus. I guarantee it.

ET. CRU - APPARTMENT

Woman : As tenants of our model apartment, you would be required to keep the unit neat and presentable for tours. But you two look tidy.

Casey : It's only me. He's here for moral support. Moral support.

Woman : I don't know about living in a model apartment, though. This is all I have left. Off-campus housing close to CRU usually books by spring. In exchange you'll pay reduced rent.

Casey : Sounds like a good deal.

Woman : I'll give you a chance to look around.

Max : Thank you.

Casey : OK.

Max : You sure this is what you want?

Casey : If there's one thing I learned last summer, but I have to make my senior year count.

Max : You can't do that in a sority?

Casey : Last year, two girls nearly came to blows over whether Cameron Diaz looks better blonde or brunette. And yes, those two girls were Ashleigh and me.

Max : We had a similar situation in the dorm. Not Cameron Diaz, but a pretty heated scuffle over the elastic properties of Mr. Fantastic versus Plastic Man. Yes, it was between me and Rusty. Sorry, this is not about me. This is about you and your dilemma.

Casey : Which is about to be solved. Come on.

KT HOUSE – Rusty’s room

Rusty : What are you guys doing? What are you guys doing?

Cappie : Basic rule on a construction site: never startle a man with a power tool.

Rusty : It's a construction site?

Beaver : We are constructing a loft.

Rusty : It's 3:00 in the morning.

Cappie : The boys and I just finished our nightly... morningly, 1:00 a.m. power naps.

Beaver : Morningly.

Cappie : Morningly. So we're using our time constructively to turn this room into a quad.

Rusty : Quad? Cappie, you cannot tur my oasis into a quad.

Cappie : Where the hell are Ben Bennett, Pickle and Arrowhead supposed to sleep,the shed? They're not animals, Spitter. Now where's my stud finder? Stud finder, please. You found me. I'm a stud. Seriously, I need a stud finder.

EXT. CRU

Rusty : Morning, Dale.

Dale : You're lucky I got here when I did. I had to fight off some surly civil engineer to get this spot. I told him to build a bridge and get over it.

Rusty : I can't believe engineers camp out to get their textbooks early.

Dale : Sophomore year's most competitive. You've got core requirements, organic chem. About a third of the class usually drops out. You look terrible, by the way. I mean really bad.

Rusty : My Kappa Tau oasis turned back into a very loud desert. But you know, I have to learn to adapt to their unique schedule if I want to have the full experience.

Dale : I guess. Why are you eating a corn dog?

Rusty : It's breakfast on a stick. It's sausage and cheese wrapped in a chocolate chip pancake with maple dipping sauce. Part of the KT meal plan.

Dale : You better get your act together before classes start. You can't count on me to carry you again. I might need to lean on you this year a little too.

Rusty : Is that right?

Dale : It is right. I'm not gonna get any help from my new roommate, Peter. He's ghostly pale, got this weird, implacable accent. He speaks English but he's not American, you know. He's unnervingly polite. He wrote me a thank you note yesterday for making my own bed. Who does that?

Frannie : You are so cute. We're with the brand new Iota Kappa Iota sorority, and we're here to invite you to our ultra-exclusive, top-secret, pre-rush lake party with the Omega Chis. The hottest guys on campus.

Megan : Cool! But wait. I thought we weren't allowed to talk to you except during rush. Can't you get in big trouble with Pan-Hellenic for dirty rushing?

Frannie : That would be if we were an ordinary sority.

Rebecca : Iota Kappa Iota isn't affiliated with Pan-Hellenic, so we don't have to abide by their rules.

Megan : But if you're not Pan-Hellenic, then how do you do all the fun stuff like Greek Week?

Frannie : Not to worry. The moment rush is over, we'll petion Pan-Hellenic for membership.

Rebecca : Besides, consider how unfair it is that sororities can't have co-ed parties and alcohol like fraternities can. It's so patronizing and sexist, right?

Frannie : We won't have that problem. We're local. No nationals to worry about. We can have all the fun of a fraternity but without the mess.

Casey : Ash, I'm moving out of the ZBZ house. I found an apartment and I... I signed the lease today.

Ashleigh : Why didn't you tell me?

Casey : I was afraid I'd change my mind.

Ashleigh : You should change your mind.

Casey : I love living with you. I can't imagine not being here. And maybe that's a problem. I just feel like... I want to try having some distance from the house for a little while. I got so wrapped up in it last year. I need to be somewhere without so many distractions so I can focus. If I want a career in politics, I need to get serious. I'm sorry, Ash.

KT HOUSE - Garden

Cappie : What's this?

Rusty : A few modifications to the Kappa Tau lifestyle schedule. I know, change is scary, but this schedule will help all the brothers achieve the full Kappa Tau experience at an enhanced comfort level.

Calvin : I was there to see Rusty, and before you start I told you, back off him.

Evan : And I told you I got a little carried away. I know it may sound like a rich kid sob story, but my family stuff kinda got to me last year.

Calvin : And now it doesn't?

Evan : I'm back. I'm ready to focus on rush. Everybody really wants this Andy guy. The Lambda Sigs won't rest until they get the number one football recruit{in their house}. Bring him here.

Calvin : Don't worry about it. He didn't play ball with the Lambda Sig. Trust me, he's far too ambitious for the Kappa Taus. It's as good as done.

Evan : All right.

Calvin : One more thing. If you mess with Rusty again I will have to kick your ass. Rich kid sob story or not.

Evan : Peace.

EXT. CRU

Cappie : Would you like to play? 'Cause you look.like you'd like to play

Casey : I'm fine. Thanks.

Cappie : You need to get that out of that... There you go.

Casey : Now I've lost my place.

Cappie : You don't need a place. Classes don't start for a week. That's seven days of sleeping, eating, drinking beer, watching the entire series of Full House on DVD.

Casey : That's all you did this summer?

Cappie : Of course not. I also watched Jon and Kate Plus 8. It's amazing how they make it all work.

Casey : You realize we're graduating this year?

Cappie : You speak for yourself.

Casey : Even you have to grow up eventually.

Cappie : Agreed, but there are several developmental stages between infancy and old age. There's no reason to turn yourself into a grandma before you have to. What are you worrying about? You finished the world's most incredible fun internship, right? It sucked, didn't it? I knew it as soon as I saw you.

Casey : It sucked. But now I know what real life demands. I need to buckle down and get serious. And that means I don't get to play this year.

Cappie : Let me get this straight. You make yourself miserable now, hoping to be better prepared for the misery to come later?

Casey : That's not what I meant.

Cappie : You know you're gonna end up dead someday.

Casey : Thanks, now I feel so much better.

Cappie : You should. You're going to die, no matter what. Hence the phrase, "Life is short, so make the most of it." Guess what? College is short too. And so is senior year. Soon we'll be graduating/dead, so... play hacky sack while the sun shines.

Casey : That's actually strangely profound.

Cappie : I know. Right?

Casey : Can I ask you a favor?

Cappie : A favor you say? I thought Max was on favor duty. I heard you guys got back together.

Casey : The only bright spot of my summer. But this favor is more you. It falls under the "play hacky sack while the sun shines" category.

Cappie : Excellent. Hit me.

KT HOUSE - Shed

Rusty : Beaver, this isn't the bathroom. That's not Beaver. Possum! You stay away! This is supposed to be a single. Go away!

Dale : You sleep in a shed?

Rusty : Crap. What time is it?

Dale : It's 11:00 a.m. You can thank me later. for waking you up. I've got bigger problems. Like this. My roommate is canadian. How am I supposed to sleep at night with some foreigner. Waving his alien flag in what's obviously an act of anti-american aggression?

Rusty : You put up the flag when...

Dale : Do this for me. Don't think about it, do it. Say this word. A-b-u-o-t."

Rusty : Aboot."

Dale : He got to you too.

Rusty : You just misspelled the word "About."

Dale : All right, I'm sorry. I thought I lost you there. Listen, until I can get this mountie-loving, moose-smelling hockey fan deported, can I bunk here with you for a little bit? I'd prefer to sleep on the left side with two pillows.

Rusty : I may not be bunking here much longer myself. There are possums living in the shed.

Dale : I thought I smelled the dung of a mid-sized marsupial.

Rusty : But if I don't live in the house, I may miss out on a huge chunk of the kappa tau experience. I won't even feel like a real brother.

Dale : Why? You moved off the honors engineering floor. You're still an honors engineer.

Rusty : If I keep sleeping until 11:00, I won't be for long.

CRU - Lake

Frannie : Welcome, ladies. You should know you are part of an exclusive group of young women who embody what we're looking for in our brand new sisterhood. A sisterhood that will enjoy all manner of greek fun, some not even possible at a traditional sority.

Ashleigh : This was a brilliant idea, Case. And not just 'cause it gave me an excuse to wear my camo booty shorts. Maybe, you could live in that stupid apartment. And keep a room at the house...

Casey : Ash.

Ashleigh : I know, but I'll take your scheming brain whenever I can get it.

Casey : Red eagle, are you in position?

Cappie : Roger that, heaving bosom.

Casey : I never should have let him pick my code name.

Frannie : Mixers are a highlight of sority life. And if I'm not mistaken, you're about to see a preview of just the type of guys we will be mixing with. Ladies, may I present the creme de la crème of cyprus-rhodes men. Wait. These are not the guys I meant. There's been a mistake!

Frannie : Not half as sorry as I... Beaver ! Put that freshie down right now!

EXT. ZBZ HOUSE

Girl : Hey, there.

Ashleigh : I'm Ashleigh, president of Zeta Beta Zeta.

Casey : And I'm Casey. Unfortunately, pan-hellenic rules preclude us from talking to you now, because we're a real sority, but we can't wait to meet you all during rush next week.

Girl : We'll definitely be there.

Laure : I'm so glad you're my sister.

Ashleigh : OK, they're gone. You can let go.

Frannie : You are playing with fire.

Casey : We know.

Rebecca : That's how we make s'mores. Let them eat their s'mores, frannie. We'll crush them during rush.

Casey : I misjudged you, rebecca. I never thought you'd be clueless enough to go with frannie.

Rebecca : You were clueless enough to think I gave a crap about ZBZ in the first place.

Frannie : Couldn't have said it better myself.

Casey : I can't believe I felt sorry for you because of your dad screwing over your family. Now you've done the same thing to us.

Ashleigh : Let's not make this personal.

Frannie : Come on, let's go.

Ashleigh : You know, just forget about them. The important thing is, the awesome twosome pulled it off.

Casey : The awesome twosome is pretty awesome.

Ashleigh : And you're breaking it up.

Casey : Ash, I want to tell you the real reason I'm moving out. Remember how I said my internship was so amazing? Like, I got to research a bill?

Ashleigh : It was amazing. I was so impressed.

Casey : It was a starbucks bill. My boss got overcharged for his latte.

Ashleigh : That still sounds math-y.

Casey : My internship was a complete failure. The other interns came armed with years of knowledge. I came armed with subtle highlights and the ability to make up a cheesy skit about almost anything. And worst of all, they called me Elle Woods. All the other interns thought I was some stupid sorority girl. And nothing I did proved them wrong.

Ashleigh : So, they underestimated you. But think about it. Elle woods was the only one in that courtroom who knew you can't wash out the ammonium thioglycolate in a perm for 24 hours. It helped her catch a murder.

Casey : I know.

Ashleigh : But maybe there's a way that we can find you your space to focus right there in the house? I'm tall but I can make myself really, really small.

Casey : And cute.

EXT. CRU

Calvin : My butt fell asleep.

Evan : Come on. Let's go find this party.

Andy : I'll catch up. I left my sweatshirt on the bus.

Cappie : Nice work, Jeremy.

Evan : They're hijacking our bus.

Rusty : Hurry up, guys, hurry up!

Calvin : Has anyone seen Andy?

CRU - BUS

Cappie : Proving once again that crime does pay. And having a brother with a class C commercial drivers license. Thank you, Jeremy.

Ben Bennett : The Omega chis can suck it!

Cappie : They can and they will, Ben Bennett.

Rusty : I just had an epiphany.

Beaver : Man, did it get on the seat?

Rusty : Kappa Tau house is just like camp tiny pine. Not because of all the flies. Because Kappa Tau is not a place. It's a feeling. It's a feeling that's taken root in my heart, even if I never eat another pepperoni log. I'll be a Kappa Tau no matter where I live. No matter where I spread my seed. Nap time. I'm moving out of Kappa Tau, cap.

Cappie : Congratulations, spitter. Where are you gonna spread your seed? You got another place lined up?

Rusty : I hadn't thought that through.

CRU – MAX’S ROOM

Rusty : It's good to be back in good old calhoun hall.

Max : It's good to have you back.

Rusty : You really don't mind being here instead of caltech?

Max : Nope.

Rusty : I don't get it. You had the grant and then caltech changed their minds?

Max : Caltech didn't change their mind. I did.

Rusty : You changed their mind?

Max : I changed my mind. About going. I turned down the grant so I could stay at cru with Casey. She doesn't know. You can't tell her. I don't want her to feel some... kind of obligation.

Rusty : You're really not gonna tell her?

Casey : A slumber party involving my brother, my boyfriend and...

Dale : Casey ! Hey !

Casey : How disturbing.

Max : Rusty and Dale are having some... roommate trouble.

Casey : I met a guy down the hall who was looking for a new roommate. Canadian guy. He was so nice.

Dale : This canuck is relentless. Did you tell him I was in here?

Casey : No.

Dale : You're a good girl.

Max : Let's go to the new apartment. I don't know when I'm gonna be able to get these guys out.

Casey : About the new place, I've been reconsidering it.

Max : What?

CRU - APPARTEMENT

Owner : Welcome to titan tower apartments.

Casey : Thanks.

Owner : I'll admit I was taken aback when you added two gentlemen roommates. But these two look responsible, not to mention charming. I should go. You know where to find me if you need... anything. Anything at all.

Dale : Cougars love me. Not that I have a problem with older women.

Casey : Listen guys, my name is on this lease. Sheila thinks I live here and even though I don't, I'm responsible. Think of me as your second landlord.

Dale : I'm totally cool with that. I have no problem being your submissive. Being... being submissive. To you.

Rusty : I'm happy to have somewhere to live.

Dale : I told you we'd be roomies again.

OC HOUSE – Living room

Calvin : I'm not worried. He'll show. Let's go.

Andy : Sorry I'm late. I just woke up from a nap.

Evan : No worries, man. We thought maybe those Kappa Taus were holding you hostage.

Andy : They were cool. And your boy Rusty made a pretty inspiring speech on the bus. I kinda cried.

Evan : Excuse me one second.

Evan : I never found you at the lake. You finally came by to make sure I was alive?

Frannie : I knew you were alive.

Evan : I was thinking I could make it up to you. Take you out for a nice dinner.

Frannie : You really want to make it up to me?

Evan : Of course.

Frannie : I hate to ask this, but... I need a rent check. For the house?

Evan : Of course.

CRU - BATHROOMS

Casey : Show me the filthy remark about Frannie and then let's get out of here. I hate north campus.

Ashleigh : Which stall is it again? Rebecca, You could have chosen the handicapped stall!

Rebecca : Keep it down. This is a secret meeting.

Casey : Why is this traitors' turnskirt here?

Ashleigh : Rebecca's not a traitors'turnskirt. Not for the reasons that you think. She didn't deactivate ZBZ.

Rebecca : I'm a mole at Frannie's house.

Ashleigh : Rush spy! She's gonna help us, Case. She's the one who told us about Frannie's top secret lake party. Rebecca and I talked over the summer and I wanted to tell you, but you know what a gossip I am. I can't keep shameful secrets about myself. I even told you about my crush on dean bowman. And now I've just told Rebecca. See? Seeing you guys go all Hasselbeck and O'Donnell on each other at the lake, I realized I had to come clean or things would split screen. We are all still sisters.

Casey : You expect me to trust her?

Rebecca : I'm trusting you and you kissed my boyfriend.

Casey : You broke up with him and you slept with my boyfriend last rush week.

Rebecca : At least I didn't know he was your boyfriend.

Ashleigh : Ladies, please. Can we at least, for my sake, try and be "frenemies?"

ZBZ HOUSE – CASEY & ASHLEIGH’S ROOM

Ashleigh : And with this pink tank top, I hereby declare you, Casey Cartwright, officially moved back into ZBZ. Now complete with... focus space! See, you can live in the house and still be serious.

Casey : Thanks, Ash. No more keeping secrets. And no more crazy surprises, like Rebecca in a bathroom. I still think you can't trust her.

Ashleigh : If you're worried about Rebecca maybe you need a bigger role. Like becoming my new rush chair?

Casey : You made laura rush chair.

Ashleigh : I can dismiss her on grounds of incompetence. Did you see her at the lake? If that is the best she can do faking sisterly love, she'll never make it through rush week.

Casey : Rush chair, that's a big one.

Ashleigh : I know.

Casey : It sounds so... fun. No need to turn myself into grandma before I absolutely have to. So... Before all the warm fuzzies go away, the warm fuzzies go away, I have one last thing to confess.

Ashleigh : What?

Casey : In exchange for ruing Frannie's party I promised our first three mixers to the Kappa Taus. Don't fire me!