Category Archives: Frame Control

I came across this classic video of Mystery handling shit tests from a bratty chick. What I admire is how calm, cool, and collected he remains. Instead of getting testy, he seems to be like “you’re so cute,” instead.

Such a great lesson. Instead of taking shit-tests personally, turn it into playful banter and tell her how “cute” she’s being. Defuses negativity, and wins the girl over. Unruffled by the outside world. I imagine women find that super hot.

Here are some examples. I’ll start with AMOG situations (dealing with guys) and I’ll end with Shit Tests and Bitch Shields (dealing with girls).

There’s three basic categories of technique in either situation. “Ignore,” “Meta-frame” and “Agreeing, but Reducing to the Absurd.”

AMOGs:

1. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

Ignore. Don’t even respond. Just keep talking about what you were talking about.

2. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Cool man. Anyway.”

Less is more. Still under the “Ignore” category. The more attention you give to him, the more power you give to him. So, give the least possible attention, the least possible words, the least possible reaction.

3. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“That was weird. Anyway…”

Here, you stand outside their frame, judging it from a higher place. A “meta” frame. You don’t accept his frame. You see it as weird.

4. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“This guy you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”

Another example of a “meta” frame. Again, notice how you don’t accept his frame. You step outside it and see it from a higher position. You see it as a social violation.

5. “Did your mommy buy that shirt for you?”

“Yep. Doesn’t she have great taste?”

Here you actually agree with the frame but exaggerate it. The exaggeration makes his frame absurd. The technique is also known as “Yes and…” You simply agree, then exaggerate it. By doing this you’re showing his frame to be ridiculous. You’ve destroyed it with humor.

6. “Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.”

“Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.”

Another example of agreeing with the frame and exaggerating it to the absurd.

SHIT TESTS AND BITCH SHIELDS:

1. “Do women even like you?”

“Oh my God, you are so cute. Look at you trying to give me shit.”

Eeeeeeeeverything she does is cute. Everything. When you put a label on someone, you don’t accept their negative frame. You interpret theirs another way: her being cute. This is a type of “meta” frame.

The other advantage of specifically calling her “cute”: it creates sexual tension. Sexual tension comes from being dominant, and her being “cute.” In other words, you being masculine, she being feminine.

2. You’re talking and the girl gets all distracted.

“Hey ADD, party’s over here.”

Again, putting a label on someone interprets them in your own way. The frame goes from “you’re not very important” (her frame) to “she gets easily distracted” (your frame). You’ve stepped outside her negative frame using a “meta” frame. Nice.

3. “What kind of shirt is that?”

“Do you always wear that lipstick? Anyway…”

You’re not even answering her frame. You come up with your own. You’ve “Ignored” hers.

4. “You’re a stupid piece of shit. Get the fuck away from me!”

“That was weird.”

OR

“Wow, that was rude.”

Same kind of “meta” frame from above. Instead of playing into her negative frame, you see it from a higher position of judgment: her being completely rude.

Another way to deal with extreme rudeness:

“Oh I get it. You probably act like this all the time, and you probably get away with it too. I don’t buy it. I think that you act like a bitch and you convince people you’re a bitch but really you’re a sensitive person. I know that you’re really a nice person but you have to act this way because a lot of dorks hit on you.”

Credit: Brad P. Here you reinterpret her bitchiness in a positive way. You turn a negative frame into a positive one. Another “meta-frame.”

5. “You’re short.”

“Yes I am. Great things come in small packages.”

Agree and replace her negative insinuation with a positive one. Your positive frame is now in charge.

6. “Do you say this to all the girls?”

“Yes, you’re the 512th person I’ve said this to today.”

Agree and exaggerate.

7. “Does this make me look fat?”

“Yeah, I wasn’t going to say anything.”

Agree and exaggerate.

8. “I have a boyfriend.”

“Maybe he can make us breakfast in bed.”

Agree and exaggerate.

OR

“That’s cool. I have an uncle that has 5 cats. 4 blue ones and 1 red one. He dyed them blue and red. You should check it out sometime. Anyway…”

Agree and exaggerate… take it to the absurd.

9. “Will you buy me a drink?”

“I’d be happy to. But let me get to know you better first.”

Agree, but replace with your own frame. You’re not the stereotypical guy who thinks he has to buy girl’s attention (her frame). Your frame is we’re two human beings. Let’s focus on that first before getting money involved.

By the way, you can do this technique with any other demand she might place on you. In other words, rather than blindly jump through her hoops, let her jump through yours first. Then you can go through hers. That way it’s even. You’re not rewarding potentially spoiled, princess behavior. She gives and you give. For example:

“Sure, but before I do that, give me at least one compliment.”

10. Let’s say she’s giving you bad behavior and she doesn’t respond to a more good-humored response. Then factually point out what she did, and tell her you won’t stand for it:

“This is what you did. This is not cool with me. If this behavior doesn’t change, I’m gone.”

You don’t accept her frame where she thinks she can get away with whatever she wants because she’s hot. Stand outside of her self-absorbed frame, a “meta” frame, and call her on her shit… respectfully. If her behavior still doesn’t change, walk away. You’ve got bigger fish to fry. As a byproduct, this can actually create attraction… while halting bad behavior at the same time.

And that’s about it.

Each technique “Ignore,” “Meta-frame,” and “Agree to the Absurd” has this in common: they disregard a negative frame and replace it with a positive one. Never think you have to accept people’s negative frames. They are mere interpretations of reality, not reality itself. You can always create your own frame… and get things back to reality.

This way you stand up for yourself, but in a way that still treats people with respect.

Dealing with AMOGs is kinda like dealing with a computer program with a bad virus. Would you want to play in a virus-infected program?

Hell no!

Same with AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields.

Don’t play into the frame. Shut it down. And replace it with a better one.

For example, someone says “Hey nice shirt. Did you get that in high school?” If you say yes you’re playing into his frame. And if you say no, you’re playing into his frame. Why say yes or no at all? Fuck that shit. Create your own frame that doesn’t make you look like an asshole.

“This guy, you can dress him up, but you can’t take him anywhere.”

See how you don’t even bother answering “yes” or “no”… which plays in his frame… but replace it with something else entirely? The frame you replace his with: this is a guy with no social acuity.

But you also do this with good-humor. Never to harm, hurt, or destroy. Otherwise you look pissy and rude and like a big baby. You say this with a smile on your face.

It’s like dealing with your own negative thoughts. No need to beat yourself up over having them. And for God’s sakes, no need to let the negative thoughts take you over either! Simply recognize you’re having negative thoughts. See they’re not real. Then replace them with positive thoughts, or reality.

So, step one: recognize the words that are coming from the AMOGs for what they are. “Thought-viruses.” It’s not reality. It’s bullshit.

Step two: Ignore the “frame.”

Step three: Replace the negative frame with a positive one. If you don’t replace it, the virus will just come back.

That’s it.

Dealing with AMOGs is just a matter of not playing into their negative frame, and replacing it with your own positive one.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, you say. What the hell is a frame?

Great question.

The word “frame” comes from NLP, “Neuro-Linguistic Programming,” a hybrid of hypnosis and psychotherapy invented in the 1970s. It has some great uses, especially for programming your mind for success.

And that’s how the word “frame” fits into NLP.

The book that really clarified the term for me was “Sleight of Mouth” by Robert Dilts.

Great Book. It really clarified the concept of “frame” for me.

Great read. Highly recommended.

His basic premise was we can program ourselves for failure if we think within a “problem frame.” We can do this in our own thinking, and people can do this to us in order to keep us down. To break free from this “thought virus,” we need to replace this with a higher, “solution frame.” This sets us up for success. The book explores how to do this through language.

There’s a quote in “Hamlet” where Hamlet says, “There’s nothing good or bad but thinking makes it so.” That’s the essence of a frame. We humans are a unique animal. We interpret facts. A frame is an interpretation. It’s a “way of seeing” the world.

The philosopher Wittgenstein said something similar in his “Tractatus.”

One of the great philosophers of the twentieth century: Ludwig Wittgenstein 1889 – 1951.

He said value and meaning don’t lie within the world. The world simply consists of facts. Value must reside outside of the world. Value includes things like aesthetics and ethics, but also negative thinking too.

One example of this is snow. There’s nothing inherently good or bad about snow. It’s simply a fact. We put meaning into the snow by thinking it’s either bad or good. Dilt’s point was when we interpret the snow into a frame of “problem” it can set us up for failure. Interpreting snow into a more positive frame has a better chance of setting us up for success.

AMOGs, Shit Tests, and Bitch Shields are simply a negative frame. It’s a power trip. It’s a way of cutting someone else down to make them look superior. But their frame is not reality. It’s a figment of their imagination. You have the choice of accepting it or disregarding it and creating your own.

And if you reveal their power trip for what it is, you almost don’t have to do a thing. Their negative, power-grubbing frame will work against them. It’s so absurd what they’re really doing, it’s actually funny. Dilts calls stepping out of the frame to reveal what it is a “meta-frame.”

You can also preempt from all this happening, too.

How?

Treat everyone with respect and kindness. This keeps a positive frame. Be cool with people, make ’em feel important, often they’ll be cool with you.

If that doesn’t work, go to Plan B: disregard the frame and replace it with your own.

Again… HOW?

Either step outside the negative frame and call them on their shit… the “meta-frame”…

Here’s a question for you. You treat others with kindness. But how do you handle people who don’t treat you the same way?

I want to be up front. If there’s an area I really want to improve on, and there are plenty, it’s definitely this. But after thinking about this question, reading what others do, trying out different things, I think I’ve gotten a little better understanding, even though I still have a ways to go. I wanna share what I’ve learned so far with you.

Here’s the basic idea: don’t buy into their erroneous “frame.”

Before I unpack that idea, let me backup and give you a quick background on Shit Tests, Bitch Shields, and AMOGs in general first.

“Shit Tests” and “Bitch Shields” are when women play the superiority role, put you down, give you shit, and disrespect you. They want to see if you can handle them. For if you can’t handle their shit, how are you going to protect them from the world of shit that exists?

AMOG stands for “Alpha Male Of the Group.” It’s a concept that was invented by a pickup artist who goes by the name “Tyler Durden,” a former student of Mystery’s. He named himself after the Brad Pitt character in “Fight Club.”

“Tyler Durden,” a.k.a Owen Cook

Anyway, he’s known as one of the legendary pickup artists, and he shows innovativeness in inventing this concept. The origin of how he came up with the concept was documented by Neil Strauss’s book “The Game,” on pages 235 – 237. The story is kinda interesting. In Tyler’s own words:

“I learned most of this from European naturals while trying to steals sets from them and prevent them from stealing sets from me. The guys here are not pushovers like most guys in North America. Many have game. So I’ve been figuring out how to out-game them.”

Apparently while he was in London doing bootcamps, Tyler would be talking to some girls, and guys would come up to him, totally blow him out, and guess who the girls went to? Exactly. The guys who destroyed him.

So, he started analyzing what exactly they were doing to him. He cracked the code, and used their tactics on them, field testing them hundreds of times, and they worked. AMOGs could no longer destroy him. He called these tactics “AMOG.”

Here’s some examples of the tactics from his own mouth:

# 1.

AMOG: Hey girls, what’s up. (trying to steal his set)

TYLER: Hey dude (puts his hands up like he gives up), I will pay you a hundred dollars right now if you take these girls away from me.

TYLER: Hey, you know I’ve gotta try to impress you cool London guys (or “rugby-shirt wearing guys” or “shiny shoes guys” or whatever detail Tyler would gather from a quick look at them and then use that detail against the AMOG to make him feel self-conscious). You guys fucking rock.

———————————————————————————————————————

#3.

AMOG: Is that design on your shirt a sphincter? Man, you’re going to need somebody to protect you, mate. You’re going to have all the guys into you.

TYLER: Dude, that’s why I rolled up on you. I need you, man. Help me, please, man. I look at you, and I just know that you were born to protect my sphincter.

———————————————————————————————————————

#4.

AMOG: (startes touching him to show dominance)

TYLER: Haha dude. I’m not into guys, man. Dude, the gay club is over there. Hands off the merchandise, buddy.

GIRLS: laughing

AMOG: qualifying to you he’s not gay.

———————————————————————————————————————

#5.

AMOG: (gets into your face)

TYLER: (silence. Doesn’t respond. Tyler just stands there quietly. As a general rule, Tyler discovered that if a guy keeps trying to out-alpha you and you don’t answer, eventually he looks beta because he is trying too hard to get your attention. Another trick is to make “let’s get out of here” motions with your eyes to your girls. Speaking “girl language” to girls… always a good thing.)

———————————————————————————————————————

#6.

AMOG: (shows signs he wants to fight)

TYLER: Haha dude. Are you like trying to pick a fight with me? haha. Okay, okay. Hold up, hold up. Wait a sec. We’ll do even better. First, we’ll have an arm wrestling competition. Then we’ll do one-armed pushups. And last, pose-down! (Starts flexing) Ladies?

GIRLS: (laughing) Ooh you’re so strong.

AMOG: (tooled because he looks like he’s trying too hard to impress the girls with his physical superiority)

Neil later in the book accused Tyler of worshipping the AMOG concept a little bit too much.

Neil, along with Tyler, were both students of Mystery. Neil and Mystery became best friends. And Tyler went on to use everything Mystery taught him to profit from it. Most pickup artist businesses out there have done the same thing, the founders starting out as students of Mystery then creating their own business based on his ideas. Anyway, Tyler called his business “Real Social Dynamics,” based on a term Mystery invented “social dynamics.” It’s still one of the top pickup artist businesses to this day.

But that wasn’t even the worst of it. “The Game” talks about how Neil a.k.a Style, Mystery, Tyler, and other pickup artists had all lived under the same roof called “Project Hollywood.” Well, to eliminate his competitors, Tyler used some of these AMOG techniques as backhanded ways to “freeze out” both Neil and Mystery from the house to turn it into a place for his Real Social Dynamics business.

Obviously I’m just repeating what I read in the book. I wasn’t there.

Neil also said that he had said to Tyler once that Tyler was the type of person who liked to rise to the top of a situation by eliminating his competitors, and Tyler agreed (page 427).

So, even though there’s good to Tyler’s AMOG concept, there seems to be some shady male ego stuff attached to it, too. I’m not interested in that part of the concept. Rather than using the AMOG techniques to “destroy” other guys, I’m more interested in simply learning how to defend yourself from these kinds of people… in the most ethical way possible.

Here’s one of the most important things to take away from Tyler’s AMOG concept. It’s the observation there’s often a power struggle in human interactions. People have egos. And people will cut you down in order to satisfy those little monsters.

The question is: if you come across a guy who says to you in front of a bunch of girls: “Nice shirt. I had one like that in high school”… What do you do?

The basic solution is this. These people are creating an imaginary “frame” about you. But it’s a false frame. And unless you reveal it to be false, people might take it for reality, including yourself. Don’t accept this false “problem frame.” Create a better, truer frame of your own.

How?

This post has gotten long. So, I’ll tell you exactly how in “Part II.”

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