With Fashion in Mind

by David Stevenson

Following some earlier comments in the sartorial elegance (or lack of
it) amongst cyclemotorists, Buzzing has asked the distinguished Italian
fashion designer Cucciola Nassati to offer some advice on riding outfits
for the forthcoming season.
We have asked her in this initial article to concentrate on male riding
attire:

I say, that'sa good.
I like tha rust colour, itísa rich, like falling leaves, very romantica
that rust.

Ee say ee donít mind it neither but it not so good when it
eata through the frame tubes.

I say, they rida thesa things in public and they worry
abouta what they wear? I ringa back Monday when I stop
laughing.

Monday I say to heem, I gotta tha great idea.
You tell your members from now on they weara tweed knickerbockers, da
brown brogues, long socks, a belted tweed jacket and long brown leather
gloves.
It suit their ages, itísa very elegant, itísa very Eenglish.
Tha meeddle-aged Eenglish ladies they throwa off their corsets as you go
put-put-putting by.

Handloose, he reply: Itísa nice but what about tha rain.
It always raining íere and wool ee doníta keep outa da wet.
They doníta wanna get the flu.

I say, I doníta usual giva tha fashion teeps for wimps.
I ring back Tuesday.

Tuesday, I say to heem.
I gotta it.
You tell them to wear a whita rubber overall.
It keepa dem clean.
It keepa dem warm and latex is so sexy.

Ee say thatísa fine but where you buy a whita rubber overall
in Ipswich?

I say to heem, I doníta care what you gotta wrong with your
hips, rubber be good to them.

Ee say, but theesa boys they pedal muchissimo because theira
engines doníta work so good.

I say, they do theesa for fun?

Ee say, they getta very sweaty in rubber.

I say, thata be all right they notta so old, eh? (You caníta
wink down a telephone.)

Ee say, thatísa your final word, then?

I say si, you giva them the choice, they getta hot and
sweaty in rubber or colda and wet in tweed. You doníta get chic for
nothing.