Violence as an Effective Mode of “Indian” Communication

Violence as an Effective Mode of “Indian” Communication

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Are we legitimizing violence against women? Take a look social norms that impact #VAW: http://bit.ly/1Mgpyxc

Many Indian men still think it’s alright to hit a woman. It’s time to challenge these social norms: http://bit.ly/1Mgpyxc

As a society that sanctions, legitimises, and even applauds violence, how can India look selectively at just one manifestation?

Despite the label of a ‘middle income’ country that has made our opinion leaders proud, most parts of our country remain poor in terms of human development outcomes. Despite some gains over last decade, India still has the largest number of deaths among children younger than five years of any country in the world. At 1.5 million deaths per year, three children under the age of five die every minute in India.

If we take the long-term view, no doubt things have changed due to public advocacy, education, and campaigns run by women’s organisations as well as the government. Earlier, the average husband would beat the wife and feel proud. Now, the average husband still beats the wife, but he is perhaps not boasting about it anymore. Enactment of strong laws – although ineffectively implemented- has contributed to this micro change. Some men of course have even started feeling they are the victims in this highly “hostile” legal structure.

Patriarchy treats violence as a language that the woman “understands” within the marital relationship. One that gives quick results that other modes of human communication always can’t. When you don’t have arguments, beat her. When you want her to behave, beat her. When she wants to go out, beat her. Basically, when in doubt, beat her.

The social norms that sanctify violence as a fair way of conveying one’s opinion may have deep origins. These may be unsettling for many, and perhaps it is too scary for India as a country to look at them yet. Doesn’t this simple and powerful solution to all problems sound eerily close to something else that Indians do routinely in their everyday lives? Yes, we are talking about parents (and teachers) beating “their” children.

For example, if we were to implement the “Western” standards of child protection in India, then most of our legislature, judiciary, executive, media, and -god forbid - civil society, will be in jail. The “Indian Way of Parenting” has alleged high-profile run-ins with the “Western civilization” at regular intervals. That Indian parenting/teaching is a popular theme for Western comics of Indian origin, points to the high incidence of violence against children that we silently take for granted.

A study that looked at parenting habits in Mumbai covering 1700 parents had some interesting findings. In addition to the fact that in 2015, 62 per cent parents in Mumbai beat their kids to discipline them, the reasons and reactions that parents gave sounded quite familiar. In the following Figure, just replace child/kid with wife/partner and see if it helps.

The ingrained violence in human relationships and how norms get formed may be a spectacularly rich theme for sociological enquiry. However, a kid who gets beaten up every day at home doesn’t need to be a sociologist to realise that violence is an effective tool to “discipline” dissent. It’s a weapon that is bound to be used in the future.

In a patriarchal culture, men are more likely to use violence to keep their dominant position. Just like parents do with their kids. Or even teachers. In many ways than one, perhaps it all starts at our homes and schools.

Lastly, I’m reminded of an incident which a friend who is a gender trainer shared. It happened in a north Indian city. At a training against VAW conducted by the state police department for private school children, my friend caught the principal and the police officer in-charge chatting about “changed times”.

Rattled by the noisy kids in the training, the principal of this top private school tells the policeman, trying to hide his embarrassment: “Sir, RTE ke aane ke baad haalaat kharab ho gaya hein. Hum thappad bhi nahin lagaa sakte”. (Sir, after the Right to Education Act, the situation is really bad – we can’t even slap the kids!)

Here we have two model figures for our children, seemingly at a loss, when they can no longer use violence as freely to “discipline”. The Delhi Police ad released a couple of weeks back, against what it calls “eve-teasing” is yet another example of how we legitimise violence everyday. I share it here, without comments.

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