Sunday, April 12, 2009

I'm not sure how to record this story so this post will be revised for style over the coming days. Content updates, should they be published, will be noted as such at the bottom of the post. The crisis is inching toward resolution, but the outcome is still uncertain.

Through my meditations I have come to believe certain things. I believe rights are lost by not exercising them under threat. I believe self-destructive behaviour should not be validated with influence over any matter.

I am currently dealing with a crisis of my own making. One who is very close to one who is very close to me, has a problem. She gives gifts pathologically. The practise is destructive to her as she hasn't money to burn, and it is destructive to me as the gifts come with an obligation to value (read: keep)them. Everybody between me and this gift giver told me not to engage her. I was told she do something 'crazy' or 'retarded'. I had seen the effects of them not engaging her. That was not good enough for me.

At the hight of the crisis I was given a gift. When I refused she insisted. She made the obligation explicit. I again refused. She threatened to disrupt my family and kicked me in the balls. Interestingly the knee jerk reaction to those between us was to blame me. Of course, I knew better, she didn't. Public opinion has been slow to turn in my favour.

I have always be eager to engage the worse to get to the better. I did this despite all advice. Regardless of what has happened and how it ultimately turns out, I don't think I could see myself doing any differently.

The dispute is now just over a week old. I am looking for an acknowledge of boundaries. She has the freedom to be self-destructive, and I have the freedom to keep her self-destructive habits away from my family. My balls would appreciate an apology, but that is less important than the issues with my family.

Self-destructive people shall have no power over me. I will exercise my rights as the only method of preservation. I will continue to actively engage to worse to get to the better.