Big Brother August 4 - Lane Elenburg, The Unlikely Voice of Reason

Welcome back, Big Brother fans, for the ever exciting Wednesday night episode. When we last left our houseguests, HOH Rachel nominated secret showmancers Hayden and Kristen. Kathy comforted Kristen, and Britney was the first to hug Hayden. Eventually, Hayden and Kristen hug each other.

In her nomination speech, Rachel taunts Kristen and Hayden to “Bring It On.” I immediately think of cheerleaders waggling their fingers in each others’ faces, replying “Consider it brought!” Now I’m picturing the houseguests forming a huge cheer pyramid, but no, they aren’t that ambitious.

Back in HOH bedroom, Brendon was not thrilled with Rachel’s Bring It On attitude. Rachel claims she doesn’t know where that came from. I’m pretty sure it was from the lame cheerleader movie of the same name. I preferred “But I’m a Cheerleader” but this isn’t a movie review column. Rachel claims she doesn’t think that she and Brendon are an unstoppable duo, and he chastised her for alienating all of Hayden’s friends against them.

Rachel and Brendon continue to fight. Rachel is mad at Brendon for wanting her to apologize to Hayden, claiming that she shouldn’t have to bake cookies and sing kum ba ya with her competitors because it’s Big Brother. Brendon points out that she keeps saying “I have been fighting the whole time to stay in” and not “we” and then Rachel tells him that he needs to pick her first and back her every boneheaded move. Or else they won’t have a relationship. Oooooh, big threat.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve started to like Lane more and more. He says the most interesting things in a cast of otherwise boring folks. Joel McHale started a segment on The Soup titled “Stephanie Pratt, The Unlikely Voice of Reason.” I think Lane has earned that title for this season of Big Brother, and hope they continue to use his Diary Room comments for major narration this season. Britney is actually coming in second in that category so far.

Rachel picks Brendon to be the host. The game is Wizards of Pinball, with the contestants trying to shoot their ball towards the center, with the furthest away being eliminated each round. Britney mocks Brendon’s hosting skills, thinking he was too enthusiastic of a wizard. Reminds me of last week’s episode of Psych, where guest star Freddy Prinze Jr. played a character who was a secret nerd who had a snazzy wizard cape. Several contestants remark about how quiet and serious everyone is while the competition continues. The stakes are obviously high, as Kristen and Hayden are both trying to save themselves so they won’t have to face each other on the block and end their showmance.

As we’ve done in prior seasons, as each person wins a prize, they have the option to keep it, or trade with someone else who had already won a different prize. In past seasons this has lead to hard feelings as people get inappropriately attached to prizes long before they are truly “theirs” to keep. Hopefully people can be adult enough to figure out that is part of the competition this year.

Kristen is out first, and wins the veto. Will she be able to keep it for the whole competition? Not likely, as I can’t recall anyone holding on to the veto in prior seasons.

Ragan is out next, and wins a rather lame “guarantee veto player for next week” and is glad to have it.

Enzo is out next, and wins a 3D television. He’s stoked and plans to get 3D glasses for himself, his wife, and their 8 month old daughter. He’s attached to that tv already.

Rachel is out next, and wins a “second chance” ticket, which she needs to trade with an already eliminated contestant, who will then return to the game. Rachel wisely doesn’t return Kristen to the game, and also (wisely) doesn’t want to get between Enzo and his tv, so she sends Ragan back into the game, taking his “veto guarantee” for next week.

Ragan is next out again, this time winning $5,000. Unlike normal people who like money, Ragan is so paranoid to win anything of value that he immediately trades it to Rachel and reclaims the “veto guarantee.” Rachel is similarly money-phobic and pleads to not get the cash, but alas, she’s saddled with $5,000. Hey Rachel, you can send it my way.

Hayden was out next, and won the fabulous unitard “prize” which is more of a punishment, and this year it’s a nice “hippee” montif. He trades with Kristen, takes her power of veto, and saddles her with the hippee-tard. The men of the house thank Hayden for passing that revealing outfit to someone hot. Men really can’t pull off the unitard look that well anyway.

Britney wins the competition and gets the last prize, which is “Solitary Confinement.” Pretty much it means getting locked into the “Have Nots” bedroom for 24 hours. Not wanting to risk going up as a replacement nominee when Hayden uses the veto to save himself, Britney takes the veto and sentences Hayden to Solitary Confinement.

Britney holds the veto. Hayden gets locked in the Have Nots room all alone for 24 hours. Enzo got to keep his tv. Rachel is the reluctant winner of $5,000, which she can keep or give to another contestant at any point for any reason. And it’s time for Kristen to model the hippee-tard outfit. Lane’s opinion on Kristen in the unitard: “The first time I saw Kristen in the Hippee-tard, I thought peace never looked so good.”

Hayden is bored, but not completely alone, as he’s talking to his brigade-mates through the walls, and then is trying to touch fingers with Kristen under the door. Time passes quickly, and then his 24 hours are up. Hayden’s Brigade-mates Lane and Enzo are anticipating his release from Solitary Confinement, speculating that he might have a full beard or even wilder hair on his release, as he is “the Animal” of their Brigade. Then they spout some “rah rah” silly non-sense about how great their alliance is, as apparently we have a cheerleader theme this episode.

Hayden and Enzo then collect their reward from the Luxury competition and get to watch the new movie “The Other Guys” with Brendon and Rachel. Enzo claims he feels like a chaperone. They get candy and watch the flick while the other houseguests are locked out in the yard, feeling left out. Rachel and Brendon both shill for the movie right on cue. This product placement is quite effective, as my family now thinks they want to see the movie.

Snake-oil salesman Hayden approaches Britney about possibly using the veto to save him. He’s quite the charmer and does have a good head for house politics. Part of Hayden’s plan is trying to get Rachel to put up Kathy put up as replacement nominee so Kristen can stay too. Britney thinks it’s a win-win for her if it works, as then Hayden would promise to protect her for two weeks. Hayden and Kristen then approach Rachel and Brendon about their plan to form a double showmance alliance with them, using Britney’s veto to get Kathy out, and then promising to protect each other. Brendon seems to be seriously considering it.

Rachel talks to Britney about possible replacement nominees. Britney mentions that Kathy might go if nominated, but that Kristen still could if Rachel wanted her gone. Rachel mentioned that she might put up Lane as a replacement nominee. Britney doesn’t want to see Lane leave, and either do I, because he’s one of the most interesting people in the house.

It doesn’t look like Britney got a chance to talk to Hayden before the Veto Ceremony. Hayden pleads for the veto. Kristen whines and cries about being thrown under the bus with her nomination, even though she really has herself to blame for 1) going after Rachel immediately after she won HOH, and then, 2) not accepting her apology. Yup, that was a dumb move. But blame someone else for your problem, Kristen, way to go.

Britney elects to not use the POV and keeps Rachel’s nominations the same. Rachel cannot hide her glee in seeing Hayden fume. Hayden feels betrayed by Britney, but has no clue that she saved him from being in a tough position between trying to save his girl versus revealing that he’s in a secret alliance with Brigade-mate Lane. I’m happy that Lane’s safe for another week. Hopefully role model karma will take place tomorrow and apology non-accepter Kristen will be out this week. Tune in tomorrow to find out.