I have had CFS since 2006. It has taken me awhile to find acceptance of this debilitating disease. I've finally come to realize that life with CFS means less doing and more becoming. I'm rebuilding who I am and what my dreams are. I am living the CFS life.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Hope: v. to wish for something with expectation of its fulfillment; to look forward to with confidence and expectation; to expect and desire; n. a wish or desire accompanied by confident expectation of its fulfillment; something that is hoped for or desired; one that is a source of or reason to hope.

Hope is a dangerous thing. It builds expectations. It shines the light on the past as a titillating promise of the future. It paints tomorrow in such lovely colors. And invariably, if you give it too much attention, it disappoints.

I haven't given up hope. On the contrary, I honestly believe that I will see miracles, that researchers will find a cure, that I will someday be free from CFS. But, I think it is safest for me to keep hope tucked away in my back pocket -- always there, but never consciously acknowledged or relied upon.

Love is the true antidote to despair. A note that says "I miss you." A gift left at the door. An unexpected visitor who can only stay a minute. Words of encouragement, reminding me I'm not alone. Little acts of kindness. Hugs and kisses and that spot right under my husband's arm where I fit perfectly as we watch TV on the couch. These are the things that calm my troubled heart, bring peace to my soul, and remind me that this life ... this life ... is worth living.

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comments:

ShelliYou have said it well. I try to find a balance between hope and acceptance. Maybe in the place of balance like on the middle of a teeter-totter, we find the joy in the small things..the love expressed to us as you shared here.Thank you Shelli for reminding me of the many small blessings that come my way each and every day no matter what my circumstances. That which makes life worth living as you have said.Gentle hugs

Beautifully expressed, Shelli. Finding so much to live for while feeling so sick can be a challenge, but it's so worth the effort and it brings happiness for those who are there for us all the time, through thick and thin.

Hands Around the World

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About Me

I am a 44 year old stay at home mom. I have been married almost 20 years to the world's best husband. We have six wonderful children. My husband and I are starting our own small business together. I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome for two years now. It's such a strange disease (illness? condition? ailment?). I wanted to create a place where I could come and write about what it's like to deal with the challenges of living the CFS life. I honestly believe that sometime, somewhere, some doctor is going to magically tell me, "Oh, I know what this is!" and I will be cured. Until that time, I'm hoping to learn something about myself and maybe help others.