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funny (if not necessarily "passive-aggressive") notes from pissed-off people

Grandpas can guilt-trip, too!

Dara’s birthday is coming up, and her grandpa sent her this card. (Explains Dara: “He calls birthdays ‘anniversaries’ because ‘you only have one birth day.’) Nice, huh? And we haven’t even gotten to the guilt-trippy part yet.

“He lives in Florida and I live in upstate New York.” Dara says. “I went to visit my parents in NYC a few weeks ago and he chose to visit them the day after I left. Somehow that’s my fault.”

More of the card is dedicated to complaining about not seeing her versus actually wishing her a happy birthday (anniversary). That’s just crappy. You don’t use holiday or congratulatory greeting cards as an excuse to whine at someone.

Furthermore, context matters. It is ridiculous to argue that this note coming after they missed seeing each other in NYC is just coincidence.

But let’s pretend that going all “woe is me” in a birthday card isn’t rude and we’ll also pretend this has nothing to do with not seeing each other in NYC. WTF is with the “can’t be helped” line?

“Oh, this thing makes me so sad but *I’M* not going to do anything about it.” Seriously? Even going with the most favorable interpretation possible he’s essentially just given up on trying to see her even though he claims he’d like to. Had he asked for a good time to meet up or let her know when he’d be up north again that’d be one thing, but he didn’t.

Whining about a problem you apparently don’t care enough about to solve is not only PA, it’s bullshit.

This is a card that I would get from my grandma; she has no conception of how much flights cost, but that’s probably because she’s never been on one. Maybe you should send another passive aggressive notes saying that he should let you know when his trip is so you can try harder to see him next time? Old people are funny.

Saying, “I guess that can’t be helped” often means “You don’t care enough about me to fly down here and spend a week with me and meet my bridge friends and wake up at the buttcrack of dawn to go for my daily walk with me and eat egg beaters and yogurt for breakfast.” I know the ways of the elderly.

This. Only grandparents can take a perfectly reasonable comment like “Well, some things can’t be helped” and turn it into “After all, I won’t be here forever, and you’re still young… No, no, don’t go out of your way just to see me, I don’t want you to inconvenience yourself…” all while getting that old-person shaky voice going.

I think most generations’ handwriting looks similar, depending upon where they were taught, though I don’t know about the keyboard dependent generation. It’s a long time since many have picked up a pen, now, myself included.

What is grandpa, a drug courier? Who goes from Florida to NYC and only stays one day? Dara couldn’t dash back down to the city? It may be a long drive, but a lot shorter than going to Florida. The old guy was practically in the neighborhood, probably for a few days.

First of all, that’s assuming she even knew he was coming up there ahead of time. She might not have found out about him visiting until after he left.

Second, we don’t know when he was visiting. He might have been there during the week instead of the weekend. Even people who do get paid time off usually have to let their boss know ahead of time if they’re going to use it. She couldn’t just miss a workday and say she just wanted some vacation after the fact.

Third, just because she’s closer doesn’t mean she’s close. She could be as far out as 6 hours away and still be in New York State. That’s hardly “in the neighborhood”.

I guess you don’t recognize the word “practically”, huh?
And no, it probably wouldn’t take six hours by car, even the long way, unless you don’t like using the highways.
285 miles in width, 330 in length at 55mph you’re assuming she’d have to traverse from the farthest extremities of the state, which is statistically improbable. Odds are she’s closer than 6 hours away by car.

You are aware that “Upstate NY” simply means outside of the NYC metropolitan area, right? Could be 10 miles or 200…it’s all called “Upstate NY”.

One of my 2 remaining Gma’s also has no interest in talking to me… but that’s because she no longer has any idea who I am. Or who her son (my dad) is. And it sucks. I’d cherish a good ole’ guilt trip from her again…. Must be time to call my other Gma and hear about how I don’t visit or call enough.

The fact that it was written by an old person doesn’t make it less passive aggressive.

We’re not talking about someone stuck in a nursing home who needs others to come visit him. We’re talking about someone who was able to book a flight and travel almost the entire length of the east coast. If he’s able to do that then he’s able to contact other relatives in the area to arrange a meet-up ahead of time.

It seems to me that if the Grandfather was coming from Fl to visit the parents, everyone would have known about it in advance and any grandchildren could have made their visit when he was in town. At least that’s how we do it in my family, when someone visits my parents from out of town we have a big get together and everyone goes.
My grandfather writes the same exact way as well…..

Maybe. Or maybe they operate like my family and as Dara’s getting into the car someone casually remarks, “Oh yeah, Grandpa’s coming tomorrow afternoon. Why don’t you stick around? You can just call off work (and miss a day’s pay you so desperately need).”

Yes, how dare she have any commitments, like working! She should drop her whole life for her (presumably retired) granddad!

Seriously, my grandma died recently, I miss her like fuck, she was more of a mother to me than my own mother, she raised me, she took me to my first day of school, but she was still sometimes passive-aggressive and difficult!

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"The thing that drives me bonkers at work is to open up the trash can drawer and see a cup half-full of water that was carefully placed into the trash can so it doesn't spill--in a trash can an arm's length away from the kitchen sink!

99% of the people in my office are college graduates, probably toward the top of their class. But some without enough common sense to pour the water in the sink before putting the cup into the trash can.