Some people* in this wild thing that we call life claim that the week begins on a day that is sometimes called Sunday. Now, putting aside all the other problems I have with this day, I think it is paramount to point out that the week does not begin on Sunday. And while we are at it, it doesn’t start on Monday either. Now you might be sitting there asking yourself, “Why am I reading an article by the guy who usually incorrectly predicts football games?” Well the answer to that is this: “Because I know a secret to life, a secret that I’m not going to share with you. But I will tell you something else.”

The Week Starts Whenever YOU Want it to.

That’s right, I friggin said it. Don’t let arbitrary rules set up by some people** before you were a baby dictate the way you start your week. Start your week on a Tuesday, and if you don’t like that, start it the following Wednesday.

I started mine on a Friday. And I’m not trying to be funny here when I say this, but sometimes humor is unavoidable. I started my week off with my girlfriend of four years dumping me. I know it sounds rough, but at least I got food poisoning a few days later. And then developed the flu by the time my week ended, just in time to see the snow that Friday morning. Hilarious stuff, right? But, back to the amazing life changing advice I was going to continue to hide from you.

You may be asking yourself this question: “Zach, you sound like a student, and students sound like the type of people that have homework.” Well, that’s not a question, but I think I get where you are going with that. I do have a lot of homework, and since teachers inevitably think you are lying when you tell them you are sick or that you have serious personal reasons hindering your work, it’s tough to muster enough energy to do assignments that are, by their very nature, unnecessary busy work.

SO what does it all mean? Starting your week on Fridays allows you to call your own shots, and take control of your life despite everyone and everything around you wanted to do exactly that. By making your own rules, you can get in touch with the creative side of yourself, and maybe build a fort out of dirty laundry and toilet paper in the bathroom. Because who does that? YOU DO. And as far as the homework goes, just don’t do it. All your problems eventually fade away anyway, just like this senten…

*People that eat french fries with ranch dressing as a meal. ** Also people that eat french fries with ranch dressing as a meal.