Friday, December 29, 2006

The Truth Is Out There

The 7th Annual Christmas Puzzle is officially a bust. I can’t believe it. I thought I was sooooo great, creating a technologically advanced, unnecessarily long puzzle with limited accessibility. Well, I have been shown otherwise. There were no (yes, Virginia, that’s a zero) responses this year.

Since it would be a cold, nay, freezing day in hell were I to take the blame for this, after thinking on it for a moment, I believe there could be other reasons for the lack of response this year. Maybe, in the vein of Edgar Allen Poe, everyone who tried to solve the puzzle went mad before they could send in their responses. Maybe, in the vein of bureaucracy, the Chief Administrator of the Intertubes decided to block all the emails coming to me about the puzzle. Or just maybe there is a larger conspiracy at work.

Even though Fox Mulder probably played naked dungeons & dragons with teenage boys, I think the conspiracy theory could be a viable option here. Obviously, the FEMA myths have debunked themselves in recent times. What other covert government agency could be responsible for the abject failure of my Christmas Puzzle?

The IRS? No, although if it had been closer to tax season, I might be more hesitant to discard them. Plus, I don’t make a dime off this thing.The NEA? Probably not. Yes, they stifle creativity, but let’s face it, the Christmas Puzzle is not art.The EPA?Can’t be. They get blamed for everything under the sun, and rightfully so. But my puzzle was not environmentally unfriendly, unless you count noise pollution.DARPA?Not nearly as scary since Mel Gibson made that awful frozen in time movie.

Hmmmm. So much for the conspiracy theory. There is no government agency in existence with the competence to actually achieve a good cover-up anymore. It’s almost depressing.

I guess what it all comes down to is this.

Nobody finished, so I win.

The Puzzlemaster reigns supreme for the first time in seven years. I shall revel in my triumph until next we meet. Happy New Year.