Jokes n Humor

Humour or humor is the tendency of particular cognitive experiences to provoke laughter and provide amusement. Many theories exist about what humour is and what social function it serves. People of all ages and cultures respond to humour. The majority of people are able to be amused, to laugh or smile at something funny and thus they are considered to have a "sense of humour".

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

To see the answer, drag your mouse from one corner of the box to
the opposite corner.

Q: Do you know what a woman and insurance have in common?

Answer: They are both expensive, difficult to understand and what
you get is not guaranteed.

Q: Do you know the difference between a man and a whole life
policy?

Answer: A whole life policy eventually matures

Q: Did you hear about the insurance executive that nearly died
in a horseback riding accident?

Answer: He was saved when the manager of the Wal Mart finally came
out and unplugged it.

Q: How many producers does it take to change a light
bulb?

Answer: None, they'll just have a CSR do it.

Q: How many CSRs does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer: Seven; one to change the bulb, and six to stand around and
complain how producers do it.

Q: Why is a CSR like a mushroom?

Answer: Because they're kept in the dark, fed a lot of crap, and
when they start to grow, they get canned.

Q: What do you get when you cross a monkey with a broker?

Answer: Nothing, there's some things even a monkey won't
do.

Q: I asked a broker how many producers he had working for
him?

Answer: He answered "about half of
them".

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
-A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance
convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, "I think all
insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn't like it, come up and do
something about it."Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, "You
take that back!"The drunk snears and replies, "Why, are you an
agent?""No," the man replies, "I'm a crook." - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -A super genius goes in to see a
doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I'm too smart. I'm having trouble even
communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it's
ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"The doctor runs a series of
tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently,
your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your
having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that
will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You'll
still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."The
genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the
machine.Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from
his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before
the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees
the IQ readout at 75.The doctor says, "Are you all right?"The former
genius just stares blankly.The doctor shakes him, saying "Say
Something."The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in an umbrella
policy?"- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
-Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine. The first man
steps up, places his head in the hole, the executioner release the knife, and
miraculously the knife stops inches above the man's neck. The executioner says,
"Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do its job, you are
declared free." So the first man leaves, and the second man takes his place.
Again, the guillotine knife stops inches away from the man's neck. Again the
Executioner says, "Under the laws of our country, if the guillotine fails to do
its job, you are declared free." So the second man leaves, free. The third man,
who is an actuary, puts his head in the guillotine hole, looks up, and says, "I
think I see what the problem is ... " - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - - - -Confusius Say:Needing insurance
is like needing a parachute. If it isn't there the first time, chances are you
won't be needing it again.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - -A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE
requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can
take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing
center.On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a
testing center a half hour late."You'll never finish this test on time," the
test administrator coldly states."Just give me the test," replies the agent,
"I'll finish it.."Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the
test.The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not
completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent
brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of
tests."You can't turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew
there was a time limit.""Do you know who I am?" replies the agent."No",
says the administrator."DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more
forcefully."No, and I really don't care" replies the administrator, slightly
annoyed."Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle
of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Confucius
Say:Never argue with an idiot client. They drag you down to their level,
then beat you with experience.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - -Steve's barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the
insurance company and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I
want my money.""Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn't work like that.
We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of
comparable worth." the agent replied.Julie, after a pause, said, "I'd like
to cancel the policy on my husband."- - - - - - - - - - - -
- - - - - - - - -A woman was in the hospital after feeling very
ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three
months to live." "Oh that's terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"
The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent." "Will I live longer?" asks the
woman. "No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."-
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -An agent, broker, and
actuary are all caught drinking smuggled liquor while staying in Saudi Arabia.
Under Saudi law, simply possessing alcohol is an offense punishable by
death.However, the local prince is feeling generous that day, so he commutes
the death sentence and instead sentences each to 20 lashes. After further
thought, the prince does not want to offend the American government, so he also
grants each a wish to ease their suffering.The broker is punished first
because he drank the most."What is your wish?", asks the saudi
prince.."I'd like to have a pillow on my back," replies the broker.So a
pillow is placed on his back, and the punishment begins. The pillow holds up for
about 10 lashes, after which the broker screams out in pain.The actuary had
only a few drinks, so he is punished next."I'd like to have two pillows on
my back," boldly states the actuary.So two pillows are placed on his back,
and the punishment begins. The pillows hold up for about 15 lashes, after which
the actuary screams out in pain.Finally, the agent steps forward. Of the
three, he was the only one who didn't drink. The Saudi prince is impressed by
this, and grants him two wishes.The agent then states, "Well, for my first
wish, I want to receive 100 lashes, not 20.""Your courage is impressive,"
states the prince. "and for your second wish?""Strap the actuary onto my
back", replies the agent.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
- - -