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Now let me tell you something. If it’s not happening for you right now that’s great, in fact it’s fantastic, you’re on the right track. High five! I say this because the very fact that you feel stagnant is good news only because you’re bound to keep working on making your goals happen if you’re feeling this way. If you didn’t feel like it wasn’t happening for you then I’d be concerned.

I recently got into the trap of feeling like “it’s not happening for me right now!” while watching everyone else it’s happening for.

You’re probably feeling like this because you are trying to reach your next milestone in life (which is normal!) or things are really tough right now (which is also normal!)

If you are trying to reach your next milestone in life and are feeling discouraged because it seems to be taking so long or you’ll be happy and complete if you could just get that one thing then STOP. Stop right now. Don’t ever forget how badly you once wanted what you have right now. There was a time you were praying, visualizing and sweating it out to be where you are currently at. Now that you’ve received your blessings you’re too distracted by worrying about making the next thing happen. Human nature is like this. We as a species are like this because it is necessary for our growth and intellectual development. But when you’re stuck in this vicious cycle of chasing the next best thing you’re never going to have the best thing, even the things you’ve already acquired. You forget to live, feel and enjoy the beauty you worked so hard to create.

Learn to be grateful and live in the moment instead of worrying, overthinking and stressing about whether what’s definitely going to happen for you will happen for you. When you recognise how far you’ve already come it would be crazy to think you couldn’t go any further.

‘Most people treat the present moment as if it were an obstacle that they need to overcome. Since the present moment is life itself, it is an insane way to live.’ - Eckhart Tolle

Going through a rough time right now and unable to see the light at the end? If I could give only one piece of advice it would be to to turn your pain into passion. The greatest light can come from the darkest places. Life is filled with different phases. We often label them as good or bad. The good times often pass too quickly. If you’re going through a tough time right now remind yourself that this moment too shall pass. The day’s going to finish whether you like it or not. This adversity will only make you stronger, this pain will only give you perspective and this time will give you the gift of gratitude for all the good in your life despite this.

For me the most empowering thing to remember is that beyond my physical realm there’s another one. That is the human spirit. Your spirit doesn’t care that you lost your job, it isn’t broken by your breakup and it doesn’t care about the economy. None of that stuff matters. It simply asks “what is my command for the day?” and that despite your hardships is how you design a life you love. You simply have to wake up each morning and focus on making the next one better than the previous one. You may not notice the accumulative improvements straight away but you will definitely notice a shift in your mood. Your shoulders will start to feel lighter, you’ll have hope again and soon, very soon you’ll slide into the good phase without even realising it.

When I first moved to Virginia I spent a lot of time feeling incredibly homesick and even made plans to move back to England. It was only after a short visit back to England when I realised how much Virginia became my home and the reasons why I love this place so much.

Let's start with how beautiful it always looks

Look at all those colours. When I went back to Birmingham after 4 months in Virginia it looked dull and crowded and I cannot imagine living there anymore. I am such a home girl and was always comfortable with the idea of living in England my whole life so it is crazy that I have adjusted so well and so quickly.

The weather
Virginia has all four seasons. My favourite is spring. Virginia springs are warm and sunny but not too hot. You can step out in a jacket and sandals whereas in England I never knew what to wear from one day to the next because the weather was so inconsistent. When it rains it pours. When there’s sun it’s enough for sandals and a dress all day long. When it snows it snows enough for a snowman. Just straight up reliable weather.

Huge roads and open spaces
We have a very outdoor lifestyle. We've had road trips to the Blue Ridge Mountains and even New York. There's a park only 2 miles from us just for hiking and I've taken up basketball. I could not do all this in England as the weather and lack of space rarely permitted it.

I can’t imagine moving back to my city life. I could possibly have a city life here in Washington DC or Arlington as I’ll always have close access to the mountains and greenery but I could never go back to Birmingham. Birmingham to me is a closed chapter. I never knew I was an outdoorsy person, or even one to consider getting a golden retriever, but moving abroad really does things to you. It changes you in a way that it brings out parts of you that you never knew were there all along. I’ve discovered so much about myself.

Quiet
I went from the second city to the suburbs and for a long time it felt like I was in the middle of the countryside. It didn't help with my homesickness but now I love it.

30 minutes from the capital
I'm in Northern Virginia and live only 30 minutes from Washington DC. I love DC for all it's little cafes, museums and parks. There is always something going on.

But still near the coast
Although Virginia Beach is almost 4 hours away from where I live there are still beautiful rivers to pass golden hour by. This was taken in National Harbor, Maryland.

My home will always be a constant work in progress. I think this is because part of me loves to innovate and freshen up my space. There’s never an end point to improvement and what better area of your life to improve than the space you live in, more importantly your bedroom. The bedroom is where you spend most of your time and where you go to feel relaxed. It is the one area of my home that should never look like chaos. Today I’m sharing the barebones of my room. Rather than an entire room tour you’ll get to see the key things that create a peaceful space.

Candle

I love this candle. The scent is cassis and I picked this one up on a whim at Khols for only $3.99. Yankee also do the scent cassis. It’s a mixture between fresh and relaxing and it’s the only candle I own. I love putting this on just before sunset as the room darkens and tuck into a book. I love the ambience it creates, it really sets a a winding down mood.

Lamps

A lamp also creates a sense of ambience and helps you prepare for sleep and relaxation. When the main light is on it’s too bright to wind down.

Accent Chair

If you have the space an accent chair makes a world of difference. Often we can get tired of our bed. I’m one of those people who can slip into the habit of doing everything on my bed, even work. However, when you’re working away on your bed you’re inadvertently teaching your mind to associate the bed with a place of work rather than relaxation. I use the accent chair for both relaxation and work. If you have the space you can move all your work into a home office. I also use the chair as a reading chair. I have a dedicated blanket for this too. It is a plush teal blanket in a king size and together with the bucket shape of the chair it makes it cosy for an evening read. Sidenote: the teal blanket happens to match the candle and the accent chair matches our deep blue curtains.

Colours

Colours have the power to enhance or bring down the mood, even as far as making you feel warmer or colder. The walls in my bedroom are an off-white while the furnishing is either white or walnut brown. I then have blue hues everywhere else. Blue is an important colour for me. It signifies trust and calm and reminds me of water. You can have fun with this by googling colours and their meaning. The smaller the colour palette the better. Try to go for max 4 different colours. I went for: off-white/white, brown and blue (including shades of blue like teal).

No Tech Zones

Taz and I now have a strict rule of leaving our phones on the white chest of drawers (the object furthest from our bed). That way we never take our phones to bed with us unless we’re both watching something on it together.

3 Object Rule

When I started minimalism I created the ‘3 object rule’. This means that you are only allowed three items per surface. Limiting clutter allows for a clutter-free mind. I identified this when I realised that the reason why I so enjoyed hotel stays were because I had what I needed and needed what I had. I now have much less to no objects per tabletop and it really helps me feel so much more peaceful. I share this concept in my video on how to become a minimalist.

Things that bring you joy

There are specific objects that bring me joy or that I just love looking at. These are usually keepsakes but sometimes they’re just pretty looking things. I don’t believe in having ornaments or stuff for decoration that don’t serve a purpose so I don’t fill my house with vases. This handmade lantern however, emits beautiful colours when you put in an electronic candle.

Inspiration Board

The bedroom is where the magic happens. You have meaningful conversations, get emotional, be yourself, get ideas and dream (literally). It only makes sense to have an inspiration board that will forever inspire and motivate you. For most people that is words and quotes of encouragement, for me, it’s my current project or focus. Right now, it is the process of making my house a home. I have found that keeping an inspiration board even though I am not actively making any effort to look at it actually works. I have effortlessly turned a lot of these inspiration clippings from interior magazines into a reality in my own home.

Make your bed everyday

My day doesn't seem to go right when I haven't made my bed and my evenings don't feel as relaxed. I tried to impose a rule where the last person to leave the bed is the one who makes it but that didn't always work. So even if I have to come home to an unmade bed I would make it just before getting in. There's something satisfying about getting into tightly tucked in sheets.

It's been a six months since I started documenting my life in the US. I love sharing all of the new things I learn about living here. A lot of it is seen through my monthly vlogs and my Instagram stories. Although living across the Atlantic comes with all its opportunities there are also drawbacks.

Cheddar cheese is bland

The cheese doesn't taste quite right, not sure if it's the amount of preservatives in it or am I just buying the wrong cheese? Oh, and American substitute for margarine is the brand 'I can't believe it's not butter'.

Chocolate doesn't taste good

Chocolate will never taste as good as the old British favourites of Cadbury, Milkyway and Malteasers and don't get me started on the crisps. I ordered a batch of Walkers crisps for $27 dollars because I missed it so much.

Lack of biscuit variety

I miss Mcvities, Viennese or other assortments. There's so much variety in the UK.

No free national healthcare system

Choosing the right health insurance from a whole marketplace can get stressful not to mention choosing the right doctor with the best reviews because some even charge a hefty admin fee to get your medical history transferred. I never appreciated the NHS as much as I do now.

America works you hard

Want to take two weeks off for holiday? You'll be lucky to come back. 20 day annual leave per year? Unheard of. America works you so hard that your days off most often get exchanged with getting paid overtime. In England employers even encourage you to take your time off. Although there are some bank holidays like Labor Day or Thanksgiving Americans don't get as many as we do. There's no such thing as boxing day and you can forget having new years eve off.

Excessive exuberance about everything

As a Brit I will never get used to the exclamation marks or the word "awesome". I see this as the equivalent of us saying "interesting" when we don't know what to say back.

People don't get my dead-pan sense of humour

I have learnt the hard way that the typical British self-deprecation and sarcasm could be taken the wrong way.

The gap down the side of the toilet cubicle

I'll never use a public loo again.

People keep asking you questions about the royal family

Royal news is just as much covered in in the US as it is in England.

The amount of salt an sugar in everything

Everything tastes so processed and way too salty. I did a taste test comparing Walkers Ready Salted with the Lays Original and I could taste the excess salt in Lays. When I'm in England I find myself adding huge amounts of salt and sugar to everything, even my Heinz Baked Beans.

Putting on weight

Some people think I'm talking a foreign language

A lot of phrases get lost in translation.

Driving fills me with dread

Why are the traffic lights so high up? And how do I know which lane to drive in? Sometimes there are two 'turn right only' lanes and I'm forced to turn right while in the middle lane.

Directness

As Brits we shy away from expressing ourselves directly whereas an American will usually say what they want and mean what they want. This can come across as blunt if you're experiencing it for the first time.

Healthy food is expensive, unhealthy food is cheap

Every year I grow and charting my progress has made me realise just how much I do grow. I chart my progress by journaling my life events and how I am feeling about them at the time. At the end of the year I look back at my year and on those entries and read in bewilderment at just how much I have grown. I also did this by starting a document called Problems in My Head where I wrote down my current worries I did not know how to fix. Writing them down helped as a kind of therapy. Instead of instantly trying everything to fix them like a pinball machine and stressing myself out I allowed for these 'problems' to pass.

#1: Don't make permanent decisions on temporary emotions

Even if you don't act on the permanent decisions you'll end up saying it to someone else and that can make you look unsure or make you miss out on opportunities.

#2: Live more intentionally

I want to live even more intentionally. I want to focus on one thing at a time and give myself to it wholly. Even the smaller things we consider meaningless like eating lunch. I don't want to be scrolling through my emails over breakfast. I want to eat mindfully.

#3: Trust the process

Stop trying to make things happen all the time. trust the process. A lot of obstacles have come in the way of my goals but I learnt that these were just detours leading me to a better direction. A direction I had never foreseen but one that will ultimately bring me closer to my goals. Nothing good ever came from being rushed.

#4: Pain demands to be felt

To not try to escape everything and know that this too shall pass. This goes well with trusting the process. Sometimes we have to go through the pain.

#5: Let it go

I want to let things go more easily. I hold onto my dreams too tightly and when something does not go according to plan all hell breaks loose in my head. There is no such things as a dream life and I want to stop striving for perfection.

Before my long distant relationship with my now American husband I hadn't been that very well travelled. When I booked my first trip to the US I searched up every single 'what I'm packing video'.

Living between two countries has not been easy. I found myself having to leave behind a favourite jumper or forgetting I own something and repurchasing it. I have made it work by having a pre-written packing list template on my trello. I have put together a list of essentials I must carry with me between the UK and US as well as on holidays.

Travel pillow

I particularly love the inflatable ones because they hold up strongly and can be packed away really easily.

This keeps my cold water cold. I usually fill up halfway before a flight and drink the water by the time I get to security.

Backpack

Backpacks are great to travel with because it means you'll be handsfree. My favourite is the Fjallraven Kanken backpacks. They open up completely, fit so much in them and are ergonomic for people with back pain.

All in one place purse

I call this my all in one place purse because I don't to be unnecessarily carrying my Tesco clubcard with out in Sub-Saharan Africa. Keeping a separate purse for foreign money and a couple of debit cards means you're not rifling though different currencies and different cards.

Monzo card

Monzo is a debit card linked to an app. You can use this card anywhere in the world for free. They don't add fees to the exchange rate. It's always best to check the exchange rate because they do make money from this if not from charging a fee. Always compare the rates with your usual bank. You can get £10 when you join Monzo using this link.

Socks

I used to carry fluffy socks but they took up so much space in my backpack. I now carry thin thermal socks that keep my feet warm on the cold plane.

Jumper

I always need an extra jumper because it gets so cold in the plane.

Scarf as blanket

Despite the weather I always carry a thick scarf that doubles up as a blanket. Unless you're on a night flight the airline won't provide blankets.

Earphones

I always carry my earphones to watch a pre-downloaded show on my phone. I love the dramas on BBC iPlayer, I'm currently watching Trust on BBC 2. I can't access BBC shows in the US so I always download as much as I can to watch offline on the plane.

Snacks

I recently learnt that you can bring food from outside the airport all the way through security and onto the plane. This helps save money on expensive airport prices and exchange rates. If you have a particularly long journey with a layover it's important to bring snacks with you.

Kindle

I have rekindled my love with my e-reader. I love it. Now that I am living such a nomadic life I can't be lugging books across the Atlantic every time. I do have a book shelf in both my home filled with my favourite physical books but having an e-reader means I have instant access to the books I miss.

I have had the best and worst year of my life all at the same time. 2018 has taught me well. I have done a lot of growing up and it has definitely been character strengthening for me. I share what I have bene up to recently, an update on living between England and America and the craziness that has been 2018.

About

Hey, I'm Malia. I share my passion for intentional living, books and travel. I am a British expat living between the England and Virginia. I moved for love and also share my personal life and travels around America. Find here positivity, personal growth and deep discussions to live consciously.