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I was younger, when this question crossed my mind: “Why can’t I be ugly?”

What’s wrong with being ugly?

Yes, some people might generally not be considered attractive (“pretty”, “handsome”, “hot”, “gorgeous”). Some people might be considered unattractive even.

So what?

So what if they’re ugly?

Now what I’m going to rant about, you may not understand.

So what if someone is ugly?

Why must they be offered some consolation? Why must it be that “it’s okay, you’re not THAT ugly” or “what matters is that you’re beautiful on the inside” or “you’re beautiful because you’ve got a beautiful heart”? Why must the person think “why am I so ugly? I wish I was prettier” or “what can I do to make myself look better”?

Why can’t we just live and let be? Can I not just be ugly and leave it at that? Must I get some consolation words? Must I be told that there will be someone for me? Must I be told that it’s okay? Why can’t I know myself that it is?

Let’s say I’m ugly. Let’s leave at that, why don’t we? Must you go on to ridicule me, must it be an offensive or harmful to call me that? Am I already facing some (un)conscious biasness from people around me for being ugly?

Less likely to be offered jobs, less likely to be warmed up to, less likely to wanted be friends with. Now we must go on to make it a big deal?

Maybe I have a good heart, maybe I’m smart. How is that related? There could be someone who finds me attractive, there will be someone who won’t. It’s like that. If I’m ugly, I’m ugly. That’s it.

1. Not your average P.I.M.P
The Pimp Stereotype propagated by the media grossly exaggerates how women, men and children find themselves victims of Sex Trafficking. Though, there is truth to the Pimp captured by Pop Culture, more often than not recruiters or Pimps are more subtle in their approach to trafficking victims. This method is called ‘Grooming’ where the recruiter will manipulate the victim and eventually use their influence coupled with threats of violence to push them into involuntary prostitution.

If you need a reminder what I’m talking about, here’s a link to the first & second parts for my Giving Back on a Budget series.

Here’s another secret for giving back on a budget: People need your hair. This method of giving is deeply personal for me, & it might be the most rewarding. However, it limits what you can do with your hair & you need to care for your hair until it reaches a certain length. That’s why I think it’s also the most difficult way to give back on a budget.

But, I’ll come back to the “why” later on.

This type of donation is personal for me because my Mom was diagnosed with cancer when she was 6 months pregnant with me. Chemotherapy took her hair, but gave her 12 more years of life.

The gallery contains mugshots of attractive women portrayed to have been arrested for sexual offences, and it implies if you are a straight man, you would surely enjoy getting raped by this attractive woman.

This is a pathetic reflection of the gender inequality and norms in our global society. Men are automatically assumed to like sex and they are actually considered ‘lucky’ to be sexually assaulted. If not, he must surely be homosexual.

“Man, I wish I was ‘raped’ instead.”

“He is so lucky! That woman was hot!”

“If he’s complaining, he’s gay. Give her to me instead.”

These are many of the comments we’ve heard of whenever someone posts about a rape of a male.

Some actual comments on the gallery

People are asking to be raped.

(Not all of the comments were stupid. There were quite a bit commenting on how it’s still an offence whether it’s an attractive woman or not.)

This idea that men cannot deny the offer of sex or that men will always want sex is also a form of gender inequality. Male victims are not show any sympathy and are instead considered a ‘lucky bastard’ by many others. Their pain is disregarded and, most times, laughed at.

The patriarchy hurts not only women, but men. That is why when I, as a feminist, and many others, stand for the fight for equality between men and women (and also other genders), I know that I fight not only for women, but for men. For men to be able to show their feelings, for men to be able to say no to sex! For men to be feminine or what society deems as such, and for men to not always be horny!

(Also: if you assent to being “raped”, technically, you’re not being raped, but rather engaging in consensual sex. Unless you’re a minor of course.)

Recently while browsing through a selection of movies on Netflix, I happened upon a Bollywood movie. Usually, I stay away from Bollywood cinema, as they tend to lack depth and are riddled with gender role stereotypes. However, when I saw the description for Pink, I was intrigued. It seemed to veer from the typical Bollywood story of romance and thrills. Additionally, with 136 minutes run time, it seemed to be reasonably short for Bollywood standards, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and watch it. I have to say besides the melodramatic portrayal of a retired lawyer played by Amitabh Bachan and some unrealistic court scenes, the movie’s depiction of how assault victims are treated in South Asian culture is very accurate. We have seen this many times, not just in Asian cultures, but here in Western society as well. People…

You are more than your skin colour, your race, your gender, and your physical attributes.

Recently, I was in a heated discussion with a friend of mine about a few things, one of which was the topic of identity.

He defines ‘identity’ in regards to physical attributes – what you first see in a person.

I disagreed. I define ‘identity’ as the collection of the unique features and characteristics of an individual (in this case) has that sets him or her apart from the rest. (According to some websites online, that might be generally what identity is defined as too.)

I have this thing about identities. The first time I actually spoke about identity was with another friend of mine on the topic of race and skin colour. I couldn’t stand with his point of view that he is only his race and skin colour; I almost couldn’t understand.

I told him – “You are more than your skin colour, your race, your gender, and your physical attributes. You are you.”

You are the person who loves football. You are the person who loves to read. You are the person who is so sweet and charming, and you are the person who gets happy at certain specific things. You are someone who likes to make people laugh. You are you. You are beyond what the world sees at first glance.

You are beyond these physical attributes.

That is what I truly believe.

Of course, our identity also constitutes of our race, sex and physical attributes. But does that define us wholly? Are you only a twenty-year-old Caucasian male? Or a forty-year-old African woman? What is it that makes you truly you?

My friend in this discussion asked me who I am. I told him I am someone who loves this and someone who loves that; I gave him my name. He scoffed, “There are other people with names like yours.” But isn’t that my point too? There is another person who has the same first name as mine, or even the whole name. But what makes her, her, and I, I? Isn’t it our values and our beliefs, actions and inactions, and our likes and dislikes? There will be another person who is of your height and weight, someone who looks similar to you even. An Asian teenage boy and another Asian teenage boy who look similar – but are they the same? No.

Do all Asian men act in the same way, as do all African women? Do all dark-skinned individuals have a similar behaviour, or do all females have a similar attitude? No. There will be ten Caucasians who all act differently, so how can they only be defined by their physical attributes?

It all boils down to individual differences that make us who we are.

It is important, our biological roots, but there comes a point where people have to understand that that alone won’t define our behaviour, our actions, our beliefs, and our identity wholly.

I am proud of my race, my gender and my physical features. But that is not my sole identity. I am a person who is passionate, loud, stubborn, hopeful, loving, emotional, and so much more. I am more than my physical attributes.

Just like you are. Just like he is. Just like she is. Just like they are.

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You got me scatterers in pieces💔shining like stars and screaming🌠 lighting me up like Venus⚡but then you dissapear and make me wait🌪every second' like torture🌬finding a way to let go🔹but no i can't escape