The Question I Never Asked But Should Have

A coaching client has been learning to ask quality questions. She shared one with me that blew me away. She asked a manager, “What questions are you asking your team?” The manager said, “I’m not asking questions. I’m telling them what I want.”

Four exceptional leadership questions:

What questions are you asking your team?

What questions should I ask?

What questions best match this situation?

What else should I ask?

Let’s take curiosity to the expert level.

First answers and second questions:

The difference between discussion and action is a second forward-facing question.

First answers feel right, but second questions burst the bubble of perceived knowledge.

First questions are dangerous because first answers give the illusion that you know something when you don’t. First answers are based on available knowledge, current assumptions, and limited experience. You haven’t begun to explore an issue in new ways until eyes go to the ceiling and people say, “I don’t know.”

Examples of second questions:

What questions are you asking your team? What new questions seem most relevant for your team to answer right now?

What story do we want our customers telling about their experience with us? What’s essential to those experiences?

Where are the pockets of energy on our team? How might we pour gas on those pockets of energy? (Don’t let squeaky wheels distract you from opportunities.)

What decisions are you making that others can make? How might you begin transitioning decision-making authority today?

Thoughts shift from exploring ideas to defending them when curiosity ends. Successfully defending an idea in most organizations is about power and authority, not brains or creativity. Keep curiosity alive by asking second and third questions.

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17 thoughts on “The Question I Never Asked But Should Have”

One of my favorite questions to ask is “What has failure taught you?” Usually that is a question that catches people off guard and one that people really like. However I think I can take it a step further by asking “What is a current situation that you could put those findings to use?” Hopefulltcthat might lead to enlightenment for them by thinking of it from an angle they haven’t seen before.

It can be relatively easy to pre-think the obvious questions, and prepare answers in advance. We are taught to do this for all interviews.

This post reminds us to dig a little deeper to find truth, be unpredictable in the questions you ask, ensure the team prepare deeper prior to the meeting. If they aren’t sure which questions will be asked, they will try harder to ensure they are better prepared

Thanks Rob. You remind me that we can lead with questions. The questions we ask and repeat let everyone knows what matters. If you keep asking, “What are you learning?” followed by, “How will that make a difference today?” people will see that the application of learning is important.

I think questions are one of the most under utilized ways to explore and understand. I have found that once I started asking more questions, particularly open questions for which I had no answer, the more open I was to change, to new ideas. Questions allowed me to sit in ambiguity and trust the process of inquiry. Thoughtful open questions always provide me with new insights, new ideas and best of all, the perspectives of others. Open questions, particularly when asked in sequences of more than one, are great disruptors that challenge us to think differently, test assumptions and see the world in new ways.
Dan – thank you for yet another great post, one that explores the magic of curiosity.

Great blog post. Any questions beginning with ‘why’ or ‘how’ are enjoyable, find it starts to stimulate minds, discussion, openness, starts the team working together. Although, only if the question(s) are asked of people with the correct frame of mind and the person asking the question is also open to any possible answer that may be given i.e. no closed minds. The question I am itching to ask, which doesn’t begin with ‘why’ or ‘how’, more so of an ‘expert’, but as yet, due to an enforced period of unemployment, have been unable to, is – ‘can you ‘personally’ explain to me? help me fully understand? May be a wee bit of the mischievous side coming out of me but just because someone is ‘an expert’, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be questioned either. Ps am not a leader. 🙂

Thanks Thinker. Your comment emphasizes that who comes before what. Who we are is more important than what we do. You could also say that who we are guides/informs what we do.

Personally, I’m not a fan of “why” questions, unless the conversation is about purpose. Why can invite blame or excuses. It can also sound accusative. My preference is questions that begin with “what” or “how.”

should every conversation not be with, about purpose? Could question 1, begin with “what”, question 2 begin with “how”, leading to a question 3 (further drill down, further curiosity, further understanding) starting with “why”, explaining it not an accusative “why”, but a ‘make me understand’ “why”. Have a great day!. In my own mind, there can never be too many questions, they are how we learn, educate ourselves, open our minds.

As always excellent post! I’m wondering if a future post could expand more on the questions posed in item 4.What decisions are you making that others can make? How might you begin transitioning decision-making authority today?

Questions uncover layers and contribute to deeper understanding. Great reminder that one good question can and should lead to an even better question to probe deeper or connect to application. As educators this should be a regular practice in our classrooms and during professional learning. Drill down to discover!

Dan,
I have found the questions develop out of lack of clarity, lack of knowledge and lack of Leadership, so all parties have a stake. I appreciate the questions to clarify so that there are no assumptions “what is to be done” or “how we are doing the tasks”., as you so mentioned.
For me I encourage our people to ask the questions and we always state “we are here for you”, at the same time we may challenge them with their own ways to do the tasks, which are open to discussion. None of us ever moved forward without mistakes, which “Josh” spoke of in his comments and rightfully so.
Always ask if you don’t know, always answer when we do know when educating, or perhaps send them to a source to make their own interpretations on “how we should proceed”.