Tech Dating 101: He Acts Differently Online Than in Real Life

I'll admit it: technology has made the early stages of dating a lot easier. For instance, you no longer have to work up the nerve to call a guy you're into — just fire off a witty text message or IM and avoid awkward pauses on the phone altogether! It's a lot easier to type out something you might have trouble expressing in a face-to-face situation. (Exhibit A: Texts From Last Night. Do you think half of the things said via late-night text would ever see the light of day in a face-to-face or phone call situation?)

Another admission: it's a whole lot easier for me to talk to a guy online than it is in person. And if it's easier for me, I assume it's easier for a guy, too. But that creates a whole other set of issues. What happens if you connect great with someone while chatting online or via text, but there's still a ton of in-person shyness and awkwardness. It's happened to me more than once, but I was able to overcome it. To find out how, read more.

After meeting a guy and exchanging information, we started chatting online and immediately hit it off. We didn't see each other face-to-face for a week or two, and when we did we both suddenly reverted to our shy selves, never mind the amazing, insightful conversations we'd had. Thankfully, we both realized the problem and were able to overcome it. Here's how:

Stop online chatting. OK, that may be a little extreme, but at least slow it down. One of my favorite Someecards reads, "Let's temporarily avoid each other's blogs, tweets and Facebook updates so we have something to talk about on our date." This is so true! Not only is it easy to virtually stalk him, it takes all of the fun out of getting to know each other.

Talk about your online conversations. A simple, "That story about your dog that you told me online today was hilarious," worked wonders. It reminded him that I was the same girl that he happily typed to all day — and that I was paying attention.

Don't overshare just because you're online. It's much easier to divulge more personal information when there's a computer screen in front of you instead of a real person. When you're just getting to know someone, If you wouldn't say it to their face, don't type it out, either.

It's tough, but a little online distance will only make the face time you spend with your new guy even more exciting.

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Ohhh same problem here anonymous 1. Great chemistry in person but then he hardly ever texts my mobile or chats online. I thought he wasn't interested so I confronted him about it he says he's just really busy. We went out again after that and still great chemistry in person. But he still never texts or calls, only ever to arrange when we're going to hang out next. I've asked if he's a player and just using me because thats what it looks like to me, but he swears he isn't. So stuffed if I know. lol.

Oo, anon, I had the same problem with my husband when we first started dating. We had great chemistry in person, but when I chatted with him online, he was just super quiet and seemed distracted/not interested. Turns out that was just his chat style - he's since told me he doesn't want to overload people with IMs, so he's mostly quiet online. Whatever. I still don't get it, but anyway we switched over to talking over the phone and that was a much easier way to communicate, and much more balanced. May be the same deal for your guy.

5 years

I am having the opposite problem. I just started dating this guy, and when we are in person things are great. But online and even via the phone, there is hardly any communication. Seems like very mixed signals to me and its pretty frustrating.

good advice. my boyfriend and i are doing the long distance thing, and i, more than he, text stories throughout the day, and i really appreciate when he brings it up later in the evening on the phone so we can really talk about it
ie: i texted him at 10am in the morning to say i won an award at work (he responded and said he was proud), and when he phoned me around 10pm at night, he said "so tell me about this award!"
it's nice to really bring it into the real world, so you don't get caught up in an electronic relationship

It really is too easy to say things over text or IM. The only big fight my boyfriend and I had was over text, and I halted the fight and told him to call me. We discussed it over and we've come to a rule: No serious discussions over text message or IM. It's either a phone call or in person. We still text a lot, but it's either small little conversations or silly little messages.
Our fight was over a misunderstood text message. Why? you can't get tone of voice over a line of text. so the message came across wrong.