The Right Thing is Marriage For All

I consider myself to be a pretty average American mother of a typical American family. My husband and I are married and live in a small town in the Midwest. We have two small boys ages three and one. Both my husband and I have college degrees and we work outside the home. I am a high school teacher.

Why am I telling you this? Because it may seem like a decision on gay marriage will not affect my little family at all. And I guess right now, directly, it won’t.

It will affect our friends and family across this country.

You see, we have many gay friends and some gay family members. Some are already married, having gotten married in states that allow it. But in the state where we live, it’s not recognized. In two of the cases, one spouse is not an American citizen. Each is legal, just does not have his citizenship. While their marriages are legal in the state where they were wed, in the case of becoming a US citizen by marriage, they are not recognized.

One of the couples has four children.

If you strike down DOMA, you could be saving families from being torn apart.

That is important to my family because we love our friends and pray for their happiness and safety.

But the reason I am writing is because I have children. They are small and don’t have a developed sexual preference yet, but it’s there in them somewhere. When they hit puberty (or maybe a bit before), they will start to know if they think the boys or the girls (or both) are cute.

If either (or both) of my boys want to marry another man someday, I need this to be Ok by the law.

You see, their happiness is my happiness. Their finding joy in life is what makes my heart complete. It’s true, maybe they won’t even want to marry anyone, but maybe they will.

This is how I see it: to me, marriage is a partnership. It’s teamwork. It’s saying, “Hey. I love you. You love me. Let’s do this thing called life together. And when we get to the end, let’s help each other with the end process too. Let’s fight the battles and celebrate the victories together.”

When the end comes for one of us, the other will be able to be there. Will be able to make decisions. Will be able to have custody of our children if they are still minors.

What if my sons are gay? If you don’t throw out DOMA, they could be separated from the only family they know in the worst of times…times they vowed to stay through.

I can’t imagine the grief and sadness that comes with being forced away from your partner in tragic times.

As a human being, I can’t imagine denying basic human rights to anyone. Look at how ridiculous it was to deny interracial marriages. Or women the right to vote. Or black people the right to anything. How is this different? Really? How is denying homosexuals the right to marriage any different from telling a black woman and a white man they can’t get married?

It seems like common sense to my mind. It seems like the right thing to do in my heart.

Every time I think about this decision before you, I picture my boys–my heart and my soul–being denied happiness.