Men With Vaginas & Women Who Are Dicks (confused sex roles)

I would normally make a video on my Elliott Hulse YouTube Channel for a question like this but I have been super busy since the children have gotten out of school this week. (don’t worry I’ll get back to posting videos again soon).

Anyway, here is a question from someone that I really wanted to answer. I wrote him a text answer but since I thought the topic to be an important one, I’ve posted it here for you to read.

QUESTION: (edited and paraphrased) I cant find one thing in my life worth living for i feel trapped, ive always believed that if your not happy you should stop and change the things that are making you unhappy but this time i feel trapped every thing i try and do comes to a dead end.

im almost 26 and live at home in my old room and the reel reason im down is i have a girlfriend that dose not love me even though i love her more than any one in the world, i know that when im with her there is still apart of her that is wishing i was her ex a guy who used to beat her and cheated on her i know she loves him instead of me and is pushing me away more and more because she is not over him she even tried to kill her self when he left and i promised my self and her i wouldn’t hurt her like that and now im the one getting hurt, every time i talk about how i feel she says it not all about me and i should man up and accept it.

But its hard to give life value if you’re not actually LIVING in it. Life is lived in the body, not the mind. The body is what experiences pleasure and pain, not the mind… the mind can only create pictures.

That said, do you exercise? — You need to breathe deep and get in touch with your body first. No philosophy or theorizing can help this… you simply have to move.

Sex and relationship between men and women is composed of two elements… tenderness and aggression.

Both sexes posses each element, but woman are naturally more “tender” while men are more “aggressive” by nature.

But our roles have become confused and reversed. Women have given away their tenderness in order to adopt the aggressive attitude that our neurotic world values so much… and men have shed their aggressiveness to become more politically correct and acceptable in our mixed up world.

So we end up with women who have lost their natural place as “tender receivers and nurturers” who now walk around with a facade of “aggressiveness”. But naturally they want to receive aggression from men (not beating, but just assertive behavior)… the paradox is that they say they want a “nice guy”, meaning non-assertive (this is due to a longing to embrace their own rejected tenderness).

Men trying to be “nice”, suppress their natural tendency to aggress towards women and in life… they end up becoming become a passive player in the relationship.

This leaves everyone confused. Women with too much penis attitude, yet starving for an aggressor. And men who have suppressed their natural aggression and adopted a “pussy” attitude in order to be nice (tender / passive).

Its all fucked up.

What YOU need to do is “man up”.

This means find your place in the world FIRST. The way you aggress towards the world is going to be an indicator to women as to how you might aggress sexually towards them.

Woman want to invite a man “in” who is “out” in the world. He is a doer… he is a DICK! (meaning extends himself towards the world and his woman)

You mentioned that you have a business… get you business right.

Get OUT in the world, begin to exercise and THEN women will be begging to invite you in.

I agree with everything this article said. I hadn’t heard it phrased that way that “women say they want a nice guy because they’re looking for their own lost tenderness.” It really is true for so many women these days.

But to leave the article like this, with no added resources for the hapless man asking the question… well, that’s just foolish.

Dear anonymous:

I understand your position. I do. I too was a too-soft-for-my-own-good-gentleman for a long time. The idea behind the words “man up” does not mean that you lose your kindness in place of something else; it means you simply tone it down and add another layer on top.

I’d highly recommend that you immediately buy and read through a copy of Models: Attract Women Through Honesty [http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358] and a copy of The Art of Manliness – Manvotionals: Timeless Wisdom and Advice on Living the 7 Manly Virtues [http://www.amazon.com/The-Art-Manliness-Manvotionals-Timeless/dp/1440312001/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1339343410&sr=1-3]. If you value your life and your love, then do NOT say that the money is not money you want to spend. Whether you enjoy reading or not, this is critical material to absorb, understand, and refine yourself with. Nowhere else in life do you gain more information from such wise people than through books. Seriously, get them and let them change your life for the better.

I totally agree with your advice. Too many guys think being “nice” means to surpress your male role. I used to have an issue with this passive attitude (not as bad as this guy though” but hanging around my older brother and roomates in college eliminated this attitude. I guess it might have to do with who your influenced by.

I totally agree with you…the roles are confused…nature is conflicting with society. But HELP! I am a woman with this ‘problem’!! I’m so independent, strong-minded and assertive in a relationship that a man doesn’t know how to handle me. What also adds to the problem is I LIKE MYSELF this way. I often feel that a man in my life would be a negative addition because I would have to suppress myself to ‘fit’ in with him. Please don’t think I’m ‘butch’ in someway…I am very much a lady in the way I carry myself. Have I just not met the guy I’m suited to or is it imperative I change?

You should really evaluate your life for yourself.
Think are you an embodiment of the qualities that you’d like to have in a male partner or are you truly and wholeheartedly just an assertive, strong minded person.

Your words kind of hint that you’ve been looking for a guy who has those traits and in your search for them, you began to display the traits yourself. Almost like a sign saying “Hey you, look at me, this is what I want!”

I was open to Elliott’s opinion not wanting him to sort my life out!
Yes, you are right, I am displaying what I want back from a man but I can’t differentiate that from the qualities I possess too. I was once in a long-term relationship with someone that described us as 2 bulls in a field…he was right!
Thank you for your input and the good luck

This guy first and foremost has a low self-esteem. Low self-esteem appears in passive behavior AND aggressive behavior. I know you are probable not advising him to be a bully but that’s what it looks like in your hasty post.

The most attractive people are not the ones who behave in a certain way/the way they think they should behave (’cause you or anyone else says so) but those who like who they are despite how they behave or who they are.

Be a real man or a real woman and like WHO you are not what you are “supposed” to be.

Another really helpful self-therapy book for changing perspectives and attitudes for moving on is:
“The Tools” by Phil Stutz and Barry Michels
a truly direct help book with simple tools for immediate life-changing results.

This article really hit home for me. For a major part of my life I must say I’ve been shrouded in this “role confusion” of the genders but haven’t been honest enough to admit it.
You see I have a very erratic personality. Sometimes I can be very aggressive, typically in things I do well at like sport and other competitive activities.
But when it comes to my “role” in society or simply socializing with the ladies or the fellas i’m a “too-soft-for-my-own-good-gentleman” and a blatant crowd pleaser. I freeze up when it comes to making monumental decisions. I turn into a “pussy” when it comes to things that I don’t understand, but is perhaps why I am a fast recipient of new information. My problem is I tend to stay in this “receiving position” too often and too long.

I think I need to locate my figurative “dick” and thrust myself upon life more often haha.