Saturday, March 3, 2012

T.R.O.Y

My relationship with my father has always been a very odd one. We have never shared the "Daddy's Girl" type bond. I have always felt like he just kinda tolerated me and that was that. I can't help but to feel that I have been some kind of disappointment to him. I dropped out of college, had two children; one out of wedlock and a tumultuous failed marriage. I never lived up to all that he hoped I'd be and somewhere along the line we both just quit each other. Now, don't get it twisted, we love one another but we don't really talk a lot, even when we're in the same space. I have been at my parents house for the weekend and we have probably said 10 words to each other. Today while the house was quiet I sat on the floor in the room over the garage and thumbed through my dad's photo albums from back when he was stationed in Guam before I was born. It was interesting seeing my father in a different light. There were pictures of get togethers with his friends that lasted into the wee hours. Food, liquor and good friends...sounds like my type of time. I also good tell from his newspaper clippings he was very concerned with the politics of Guam and the Vietnamese refugee situation. For that moment I realized that we had things in common....if this was back then. Now all we have in common are disappointments and broken dreams. As my father gets up in age, I am coming to terms that my sister will be the keeper of all of daddy's stories and anecdotes and I will have to piece together what my father was like with pictures and secondhand accounts.it hurts but this is a reality I have to deal with. I'm praying that we are able to fix this before one of us leaves this earth....