4/14/2005

Scalia, DeLay, and Sodomy: A Couple of Things Briefly Noted on a Busy Day:1. Fucking Maureen Scalia's Face:So yesterday, Antonin Scalia is speaking at NYU when a gay man, pissed off that Scalia went nutzoid supporting anti-sodomy laws that were struck down by the majority of the Supreme Court that happens to believe that consensual ass fucking, labia licking, and blow jobs are really not the province of government intervention, asks Scalia, "Do you sodomize your wife?" Because, you know, everyone needs the picture in their heads of Maureen Scalia with Big Tony's spicy sausage thrusting in and out of her mouth. But, really, and, c'mon, it's a totally legit question, since some of the laws Scalia supported had blanket bans on straight and gay sodomy. So, like, if Big Tony was munchin' on Maureen's kooz like a badger on a titmouse and Maureen started shriekin', "Suck my clit, you meatball of a man" a little too loud for the people of the Birmingham Marriott, the police might have been able to burst in and drag the future Chief Justice and the good Misses down to central lock-up, where, ironically, sodomy is the law of the land.

Scalia, a man who everyone says is noted for his sense of humor (and, boy, we got the joke on Bush v. Gore), responded to the student by saying that the question was unworthy of answer.

2. Tom DeLay Sodomizes the Act of Contrition:Oh, what a chastened man Tom DeLay was when he pulled a trussed-up apology out of a coat bag and started fucking it in front of the gathered press. "Y'all watch me fuck the shit out of this apology," he shouted as he thrust his cock deeper and deeper into the sore anus of the apology, the poor contrite words just weeping through the gag. He was so busy fuckin' that act of contrition for implying that judges ought to be punished for bad decisions, perhaps with death, that it was hard to notice that he said about jack shit that would actually be construed as an apology.

Here's DeLay, in-between grunts and ass slaps: ""I said something in an inartful way, and I shouldn't have said it that way, and I apologize for saying it that way . . . It was taken wrong. I didn't explain it or clarify my remarks, as I'm clarifying them here. I am sorry that I said it that way, and I shouldn't have." Oh, how Tom DeLay whooped with joy, coming all over the back of the apology, as the Washington Post headline read, "DeLay Apologizes For Comments," as did the headlines at the Boston Globe, ABC News, CNN, and just about every other fuckin' place.

If that's what passes for an apology, then if Osama Bin Laden said, "I apologize for using United Airlines on 9/11. I should have used Delta because they lost my bags once," the Washington Post would say, "Bin Laden Apologizes for 9/11."

DeLay finished fucking the raw ass of the apology and threw it back into the coat bag before heading over to the Potomac and dropping the poor, raped apology into the water.