Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Rather entertainingly, and totally without warning, I lost my broadband connection yesterday (and I still don't have it back). Never fear though, I thought, a quick call to those well informed and helpful people in Mumbai, or some such fucking shithole, and I'll soon have it all sorted.

Yeah right.

Oh for fuck's sake you mongtard, I know what the fucking weather is like in the UK and no I haven't changed any of my settings or fucked about with my router ..... just FIX MY FUCKING BROADBAND SUPPLY! "Ahh, OK sir .... I see what the problem is now ..... there is a fault at our end, which our technical department seem to be aware of, and we are trying to fix the problem as soon as we can." Oh, OK then, so how long will it take? "It will all be up and running again within 7 to 10 days"

*long silence*

*deep breath*

SEVEN-TO-TEN-FUCKING-DAYS!!!!

Fortunately, thanks to TheEye, I had in my possession an emergency phrase in Hindu* which he assured me would be most useful if such a situation were ever to arise ..... "Mein teri maa ko teri bhen ki choot mein chodoonga aur tera baap laltern lekar aayega", I said.

The line went dead.

So, until I can get those useless broadband fucking ISP fucktards to fix whatever the fuck it is they've fucked ... I'm fucked .... apart from a dingly dangly dongle thing which I pinched from a loved one, which means I can get some sort of sporadic connection to the internet, depending on whether Pigsy can be arsed to stand on one leg, on a stool, waving aforementioned dongle (via a USB extension lead) outside of the spare bedroom window. Assuming the big fuck off Yew trees aren't swaying in the wind and blocking the fucking signal, of course, and that I don't need her to fetch me another bottle of red.

Meanwhile, I can still pick up your emails and post comments via the TwatBerry device and those of you who are awaiting replies to emails, bear with me and I'll get back to you as soon as I can. I'll also be trying to reply to all your post comments too ;-)

Also. many thanks to everyone who ran with, and linked to, that Richard Curtis video I posted yesterday ..... it seems to have been very popular. Good. The fucking eco fascist 10:10 terrorist twats! Hey .... you don't think that ...... no ..... surely not ...... they wouldn't do that would they? Hmmm, the mongtard in Mumbai was a bit fucking sketchy about why my broadband service had been totally disconnected .... and they were having to re-supply me from scratch.

Well then, just in case I'm not being paranoid, I'd better give you these handy new blog sidebar graphics while I still can .....

<p><span>Dump whoever you are with and go with Be. In the rare circumstance that it might go wrong you’ll have to deal with Bulgarians. However, they are the nicest foreign call centre bunch I have ever dealt with! So long as you use standard English there is no language problem. They also appear to know what they are on about and care.</span></p>

Well if India's pathetic attempt at hosting a major sporting event is anything to go by Gotty and the utterly shite "service" you get from their call centres in India (Which I can vouch for as I have experience in dealing with those fucking utterly useless cunts which infuriates me to fuck, so I know how you feel!!) It seems you'll have a long wait until your broadband is back up and running normally again! Good luck! Utter wankers aren't they!!!! I suppose it could be worse, at least it's not those fucking Muzzie cunts over the border in Pakistan!!!

Many years ago my father was doing some work on a USAF base in the UK. All vehicles were being searched on entry. The guard duly poked his long handled mirror under the car and had a good look. He walks back to ask dad if he was aware of a large, round object in a black plastic bag hanging underneath. My father replied (trying hard not to laugh) "Yes, it's my spare wheel".....

Don't worry about it.I printed those off and they look fine. I wanted several, but was too lazy to make a contact sheet out of them, so I just printed one per page, I hope the eco-fascists are ok with that.