My sister stayed because she had three babies to raise. HIS babies, which he didn’t give a shit about.

I remember Jordan, the youngest, would sprint to him as he walked through the door, hug him around the legs tightly, kiss his jeans. He did this every. single. day… but my sister’s killer never responded. He merely stood there stiff, cold, and without heart.

After that, Jordan stopped running to him.

Yeah, that’s kind of what the marriage was like, too.

Emotionless. Sunless. Moonless.

She stayed because she thought he’d become a father to his children, a husband to his wife, a man she could look up to with admiration.

She stayed because she believed wholeheartedly that one day he’d respect her, value her, listen to her, love her, be amazed by her uniqueness.

Pure ignorance on his part Kim. That seems like the typical answer for an “abuser”, although I shouldn’t judge him. I’m glad there are women like you that are being the VOICE for the victims. Much love my friend. xoxoBren Lee recently posted..Do You Worry About Side Effects of Prescription Drugs?

You are much more of an adult that I am. I think I would have wallowed in my rage.
She stayed, as so many stay,for a lot of reasons. Hope. Love. Fear. And laziness and materialism don’t come into them.Elephant’s Child recently posted..Tomorrow

Dear, S,
at first, I felt physically sick. I called my mom and girlfriend to get out the cuss words. Then I thought, this is a teaching moment, a God moment. Luv flowing to you, sweetheart. xxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

Oooh, that comment was a punch to the gut. Perhaps worse. I’d like to say he was trying to get a rise outta you but unfortunately, there are folk who feel that way. Regardless, just ’cause one feels something, doesn’t mean they have to express it.

Will it reach this troll, in any deep, emotional way? I doubt it. But maybe this will reach a brother, a son, a co-worker, a neighbor, who’s looked at a women in a similar situation and not “got” the many complicated reasons she did not leave. And maybe that person will help another woman, or man, who’s being verbally or emotionally abused, before it is too late.

Kim, I’m so very sorry such a terrible comment was left by that person. I know that sometimes people are just trolling to get a reaction as demented as that is. They are not worthy of a reaction…just my opinion. You have courage and bravery being reproach as you’ve continued to move on in this life without Kay. You are surrounded by love from those that truly matter and she looks over you always. Many hugs to you 🙂Mike recently posted..A Friend Is Missed Around The World

May I add ? Kay stayed because she had FAITHfully sacrificed her own needs, and her own gutted heart to hope for, encourage and ultimately pray for this husband of hers to be redeemed and transformed into a man of honor that transcends her undying hope for love – Love for his wife and children. That Kay’s strength and integrity was stronger than her murderer, and that is why he killed her? That BECAUSE of her faith and strength and relentless hope, she endured this horrific life- because she believed in the power of a miracle?

The man who responded with that comment does not know what honor, faith, integrity, hope, sacrifice, strength and love look like. I pity him actually. And I pray that he lives alone, and no woman is ever captive of his mentality.Chris Carter recently posted..Thankfuls From Prague!

Chris,
you would have loved Kay. You are absolutely right…She prayed for Mike all the time. We all did. She thought God would transform him. How did you know this? He said he changed, read the bible, went to church…but he was lying.
Love you from here. xxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

It takes all kinds, Kim. Unfortunately this is true. Don’t give him your power. You are doing a wonderful thing giving voice to Kay and to all who are victims of domestic violence. We know the truth. He’s the one with the problem. Keep it up. Delete him and forget his dumb words.Monica recently posted..My Birthday Week–Fun, Frivolity, Madness & Sir Paul

Monica,
he has NO power. Somebody who would write something like that LACKS the power. Right?
I feel sorry for his wife/ girlfriend…NOT for him. xxx kISS for you.My Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

Perfect, Kim! My first thought when I heard about this troll was he is bitter and miserable . He found his way here because he needs enlightenment badly. Beautifuy expressed Kim. I would have said “F**k you” & then be at his level. Hugs! xoLisa thomson recently posted..50 Things I’ve Learned

I’m totally shocked, Kim. I can’t believe anyone could write such a heartless and ‘know-it-all’ comment on your blog. What a lot of cruelty he has. You’ve written a fabulous response and I’m glad you didn’t let him get away with having the last word. His comment shows such a lack of comprehension and understanding of domestic violence xxHotly Spiced recently posted..Reef Beach, Sydney

Thank you Kim for challenging this ignorant and clueless commenter. Your post is exactly right. How can someone look at a domestic shooting and blame it on the victim? Disgusting and inexcusable. But it is the reason domestic violence continues. We need to break the cycle and educate people. And you are the person to do that. Keep it up. I love you.Joan Peterson recently posted..While I was away; “reflections” of different cultures

Joan,
this comment demonstrates the Exact reason DV is prevalent and out of control. Aaron Moon is the perfect example of ignorance and lack of empathy. xxxx LUV uMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

While we try to understand such insensitive persons who left this comment, lets not forget they are all around us, in various forms, wearing the masks of kindness, displaying a heart full of love, trying to trap innocent, naive girls who believe this world is full of good people!
Lets not forget there are many more who are beating, torturing and killing!
Lets not forget they can never change their sick thinking.
Lets not forget we have to create more awareness to recognise such monsters who roam around us in human form.
This person deserves all those words you used and much more.Balroop Singh recently posted..Living Again

Kim Sisto-Robinson

You are doing exactly what you need to be doing Kim and just keep on doing it. My opinion is that the person who wrote this was not just clueless and ignorant but angry. Big time angry….debbie recently posted..Old Fashioned Pound Cake

Kim Sisto-Robinson

We are, usually, told to ignore the trolls. Don’t give them any ‘power’. I totally understand your need to address this idiot. I do. I’m, thinking he either grew up with an abusive father, or in some way, has lived in a violent environment. These males are put in a difficult position, whether to admit they know it’s wrong or become the abuser. The abuser seems to have the power, in their mind. This is how the cycle continues. It’s a horrible, horrible legacy.
Thank you for speaking up and telling him the truth. I hope he can see the futility of his position.
xoxobBarbara recently posted..The Cape May Adventure Continues…

Kim Sisto-Robinson

Holy WHAT?! I’m blown away, Kim. What a total arse… I am sitting here shaking my head that anyone would write such a comment on your blog. Faaaaaar Out!!! What a F’ing jerk!!! Your response however is absolutely brilliant, beautifully written, you really are such an inspiration, I love the cool response to this person. High fives & fist bumps to you. Soooo much respect! Thanks for being you Kim. I love that I have such an incredible woman like you in my life. xoxAnna @ shenANNAgans recently posted..The Sparkling Brut

Oh I can’t leave it alone. There was a time I made more money than my ex. I had the house before he joined me. I had my own car. I had everything. I did not need him to support me. So this boys thought that she was lazy and the need to express it shows me as a boy and not a man.

The best quote for this boy? TIs better to be thought ignorant than to open your mouth and remove all doubtnan @ lbddiaries recently posted..The Power of Touch

Kim Sisto-Robinson

There is nothing to say, nothing worth saying to someone who has no understanding of violence, or for that matter of women. This particular man is neanderthal, clearly not worthy of your time or response.

However, others will learn from your response so it is good you took the time. Thank you.Valentine Logar recently posted..Morning Whispers

Kim Gagnon

October 5, 2014 at 7:17 pm

Proud if you Kimmy !!
People need to be educated and know there is hope and support out there. I believe that people who don’t respect others don’t have respect for themselves and by bullying others and putting them down makes them feel powerful but no respect. Love you xoxoxo k

I’m glad you stood up to him Kim. Can he learn? Well I don’t know. If he’s related emotionally to my ex then NO. If he wants to be a man, then he’ll at least be humbled if even for a moment.Annette Molitor recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

Annette,
I used to think all people can change, but that’s not true. Look at Kay’s murderer.
On the other hand, if one WANTS to change, one can. Do you agree? xxxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

Kim, I think what comes before WANT to change is for the person being able to seeing error in their behavior, and wanting the error to become void. But it’s hard to be humble. I personally am friends with a guy who gave up alcohol because he hated who he was when he drank. He gets teased now and then for not drinking. But his over all attitude is that he’d rather be teased and sober than to be who he was when he was drunk.

What is more important is that you stayed. You are here speaking for your sister and you will never leave. He is a troll, unworthy. Gather up all of the positive and leave the negative. xo.Bill Dameron recently posted..Public Displays

Hi Kimmy. I’m sorry you received such a comment. It’s awful and enraging. He’s being a jerk, speaking from something that occurred in his past or occurring now. It’s nothing to do with you or Kay. You’ve handled it well. Trolls show up when you’re making a difference. xxsolidgoldcreativity recently posted..Melbourne in the spring

What is it w/ these Trolls? They are horrible little roaches sitting behind their computers feeling all safe and cozy and all powerful. They give me the chills. xxxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

As you know, I had a trolling incident on my blog. It’s been a few weeks and I’m only now feeling OK about being myself on it again. It was nothing like the brutal comment this guy left on yours, and it still shook me up. I felt like someone had come into my house and written something nasty on the walls. He told me in a comment I didn’t publish that the only reason he’d cultivated discussion on my blog was to get me to apologise to a woman who was disgruntled by a comment I’d made three years ago. He let me know he’s regularly in contact with her. He said he didn’t like that I”d *ostracised her” and that that was the only reason he visited my blog. Imagine that. Visiting a person’s blog for three years, cultivating discussion, only because you’re waiting for an opportunity to do … what? The one thing I’m grateful for is that he was finally straight about it.solidgoldcreativity recently posted..Melbourne in the spring

Narelle,
it makes me wonder what goes on inside a “horrible” mind like that. It almost reminded me of my sister’s murderer.
How are you, dear? Work? Love? Life? xxxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

I’m well, darling xx I’ve started dating for the first time in ages and am enjoying it. Going to talk more about it on my blog. How’s life and love in your world?solidgoldcreativity recently posted..Melbourne in the spring

Kim! You are truly the most incredible woman! I am honoured to know you.
What a very sad existence for the ignorant person who wrote such scathing words. He is clearly very blessed to not to know real fear.
Sending you much love, hugs and kisses across the vast oceans separating us.
🙂 Mandy xoxoxoMandy – The Complete Book recently posted..In My Kitchen – October 2014

This is exactly why you need to keep writing what you do Kim – to educate the ignorant who have no clue what it is like to be in a relationship with a manipulative killer. So many people don’t get why women stay in an abusive relationship because they have no idea how powerless a woman becomes in that situation.
Thank God you are such a voice of clarity Kim – even Aaron Moon should be able to see the truth of the situation, but I doubt very much that he wants to.

IT is indeed sad that someone had such a bad comment for your post that enraged you. But I give u credit for replying him in such an amazingly written post, I hope he gets the point now and would learn a lesson of typing after thinking! Or for a matter of fact learn something!
You write beautifully.Rashmi recently posted..Half Girlfriend pre-order madness !

Kim, you said it beautifully and your sister would be proud. It’s terrible that there are people out there like him whose lives are so empty that all they can do is troll people on the Net. Clearly this guy’s issues are significant enough that he needs to see a mental health professional.

Keep doing what you’re doing. There are so many out there that need to hear it; one woman who is able to set herself free is one life saved.Suzanne Lucas recently posted..Dear Spambot: I Love You Too

Kim, you’ve been hurt enough and don’t deserve to be hurt again by stupid ugly clueless comments. I think you handled it with grace and aplomb. xxxxx big hug to youJann recently posted..Comment on Summer’s End by Jann

You did GREAT Kim! I wonder where you mastered the strengh to give such an insightful reply. This guy does not have a clue what he’s talking about.
Keep raising your voice KIM, it’s saving lives and honoring Kay’s memory. ALWAYS.
xoxoxoMarie recently posted..Taking Sides

Oh, that is revolting. You see comments like that all over the place these days; left by people with no apparent agenda other than to say shocking and hurtful things. Pathetic. Sorry, though, that it happened to YOU. xxxMs. CrankyPants recently posted..My Cat Has No Teeth

There’s a lot of judgement in that comment; condemnation, even. I’m glad you chose to seize it as an educational opportunity, Kim. It would have been easier, but much less effective (and also too much like Kay’s murderer), to blast him to smithereens with anger-filled words.
You chose the high road. Good on you, dearie. xoxo

It’s hard to believe that anyone in our “enlightened” world would be so dumb. Or so insensitive. See? That’s why you need to keep telling Kay’s story. For people like that letter-writer. For people who are quick to judge others. For people caught in a situation like your sister’s, people needing just that little push of courage to leave.

Well written, Kim. Thank you for telling him — without dropping down to his level!Debbie recently posted..Rainy Day Beading Redux

dad

October 6, 2014 at 12:46 pm

That guy hasn’t got anything else to do but write things on his computer to try and piss
people off. How can he say like that about Kay like that when he don’t anything about her.
I think that guy (Aaron) needs help, lots of it.
Love You
Dad

Polly John

October 6, 2014 at 8:40 pm

Hi Kim: I don’t always check in on your blogs, but whenever I do, I am amazed at your strength and courage. I wish I had known Kay better, but what I did see in her was such beauty and character……….and your family is a testament to what’s GOOD in this world. That being said, I’m going to take a different aspect of this jerk’s commentary (which was totally shitty and uncalled for), and wonder this: MAYBE, if he reads your blogs regularly, he will SEE and understand. MAYBE a little piece of your wisdom and courage will touch his cold and ugly heart……..and he’ll see the light. MAYBE, just maybe, he’s hiding behind his computer, feeling like a big old stud………..but a word or a sentence keeps coming back to him, and he knows how wrong his feelings are………and he’ll turn from his ugliness. It only takes a little piece of sand to make a pearl. Keep using your words and your strength to CHANGE hearts! God bless you!

That is frustrating. I’m sorry you had to deal with that guy. The trolls of the internet are alive and well. I wonder what his background and history is like. He sounds like he probably has a lot of anger.

Great answer Kim to this ignorant person. Who the hell does he think he is to judge like this without even knowing Kay. I’m disgusted…Rita @ The Crafty Expat recently posted..Once The Musical #LoveOnce

Good for you, Kim. Turning his ignorant comment into a teachable moment was the perfect thing to do. I doubt anything you say would change his mind, but if you can change the thinking of someone else, some good has been done.Dana recently posted..Onion goggles and other things that don’t make me cry

Dana,
in my opinion, most people do not change unless they truly desire to.
This post is not for him…it’s for the people who WANT to transform & become educated.
Do you agree? xxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

There are more people like Aaron Moon in this world than we need. Which is why we need more voices like yours in this world. People like A****** will always be judgmental, believe that the shit they talk is gospel and carry on with their heads stuck in their butts. Their thoughts and words will therefore stink, eternally. They will never stop to think..that relationships are interactive, two-way connections and both have to work at making it work. Aaron will never know what Kay went through and so, his judgmental comment simply belongs in cybertrash.

Now you, Kim, continue to tell the world how you feel. Talk about Kay’s pain, your pain. You are making a difference to millions who put up with shit and are too scared to go public.

My dearest Kim, if you ever needed a reason to continue on your quest, this is it. Creating awareness, educating those who lack the knowledge to understand the whys of domestic abuse, and giving hope to women who find themselves in the same position Kay did, are just some of the reasons you do what you do. This reader obviously lacks empathy and without a doubt doesn’t have a clue regarding what abused women go through. Sadly, it’s easy for people to pass judgement on others, without knowing the details, without realizing their ignorance fuels situations such as these. I’m proud of you for enlightening Aaron and anyone else who feels it is his or her God given right to judge and condemn. Something tells me Kay is proud as can be for how you handled this. You are her voice. You speak for her and all the other women who are too afraid to do so. May God continue to give you strength to go forward, doing away with ignorance and continuing to inspire, motivate, and educate. Hugs to you from Roxy and me!

Kim, I have said this before, but I will say it again, you are an amazing woman… you played this moron perfectly. I know how hard it had to have been to read his ignorant and compassionless words… I don’t know how you controlled yourself from writing him right back. But the way you handled was brilliant…

–Hilary,
I felt such hatred that first moment…
but then I thought, “OMGosh, I’m just like him!”
It made more sense to calm down, educate, & enlighten. xxMy Inner Chick recently posted..She Stayed Because She Was Too Lazy To Leave

I wonder about the trauma such people must have experienced to cause that ugliness in them. But then I think of those who suffer trauma and turn around and do something beautiful with it. Thank goodness for those of you, Kim.Gunmetal Geisha recently posted..You Probably Think This Post is About You

Jesus did not accuse the Samaritan woman in John 4. He did not mock her for having had 5 husbands. He did not accuse her for living with a man out of wedlock, though the religious leaders could have stoned her for that. And though the town (which was the undesirable city in the undesirable country of Samaria) rejected her so that she had to go and fetch her water at the well – alone – in the heat of day, Jesus did not reject her. In fact, she was the first person to whom he revealed that he was the Messiah.

Aaron Moon has not understood Jesus’s heart for women. He has not understood Jesus’ heart at all. One day maybe he will.Lady Jennie recently posted..A Mountain Meeting with God

Holyfuckshitfuckingassholes. That is a word, by the way. I’m so proud of you for responding the way that you did, while also horrified by the dickhead who said what he did. You are such an important voice in the world that women have lived and are living now in the name of your sister. Please keep your voice and your words and your everything. I so appreciate what you are doing. So so much. And also? Fuck that asshat.Kristi Campbell recently posted..Life, Death and The Sucky Reality of Pet Fish

What breath-taking arrogance to comment on an issue he clearly knows nothing about. Unless, of course, he is trying to rationalize his own abusive behavior? And what an apt response; powerful yet dignified. I wish you success in your awareness-raising about such an important issue.Gary Sidley recently posted..A birthday to remember

Nikky44

October 15, 2014 at 8:06 pm

Aaron Moon,
I had 2 great jobs and earned 4 times his salary. I owned an apartment (fully paid) before I got married and deliberatly gave it to him 5 years after getting married. I had 2 cars, he had none. I was never lazy, but I stayed. I stayed for so many reasons. I stayed because i thought it was the right thing to do. I stayed for my kids. I stayed because I loved him and felt sorry for him and didn’t want him to be miserable.

Kim, I read this post so many times and each time got so angry, I couldn’t comment.
Love you <3

Anonymous

November 10, 2014 at 12:31 pm

Women stay for all sorts of reasons… I recently posted “Why I Stay” as a guest writer on letmereach.com, another fantastic blog.

For me, it has nothing to do with laziness or materialism. But I do worry about my children’s future. I could live in a cardboard box and make it work, but couldn’t do that to them. Shelter is just one of a hundred reasons.

That writer doesn’t know what it’s like to live with self-doubt and constant anxiety. Most of us have been conditioned to believe we couldn’t possibly make it on our own. Some days I know I could! On darker days I’m not so sure…

My aunt was murdered when she tried to leave. I wonder if the writer ever considered that kind of deep, profound fear. Imagine fearing for your life for just trying to improve it. My husband has firearms in the house. Don’t think I don’t worry about it too. I’ve seen it first hand and even though I don’t believe that is a likely outcome for me, I know there is a remote chance it could end badly. It sickens me and yet I feel paralyzed. My aunt didn’t think it was possible, either.

You’re doing great work with this blog- empowering women, educating, supporting, etc. Sure, you get a bad apple now and then, but the rest of us thank you for sharing your sister’s story and maintaining the site!