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Raped While Traveling, or Why a Nightmare Abroad Won’t Stop Me from Seeing the World

As a 20-year-old female traveler, I am well attuned to the worries of my family and friends. In the past three years, I have traveled to 23 different countries on three continents, much of the time alone. Before each trip, I repeatedly received the same pieces of advice, telling me not to walk alone in the dark, always watch my drink, and not to place too much trust in men I didn’t know. Since many sources uphold common sense and rational decision-making as the way for women to stay safe while traveling abroad, I was quick to assure my family and friends that their worries about my safety were misinformed. After many successful trips, I was further convinced that incidents of female travelers running into trouble abroad were blown out of proportion and used to scare women and girls from embarking upon adventures that had the potential to empower them.

My parents, who have generally supported me in my decision to travel, were nevertheless hesitant when I informed them of my plans to travel alone to Central Asia for five months. My father, who rarely displays his emotions, cried at the airport when we exchanged our goodbyes. I didn’t understand his fear.

To me, making “safe” decisions provided me with a certain degree of invincibility. Although my peers consistently told me they admired my bravery for seeking to discover the world’s gems on my own, I never considered myself brave. After all, thousands of women have made trips around the globe and have returned home with stories of its beauty.

During a recent trip to Osh, Kyrgyzstan, I was raped. It wasn’t a stranger, but rather the brother of a good friend, someone who was supposed to be my guide in the city. It was aggressive and premeditated. I tried to fight back, but I wasn’t physically strong enough. Immediately, reactions of shame, isolation, and defeat engulfed me completely. I hadn’t allowed a stranger to get too close, and I surely hadn’t let down my guard. The safe and misunderstood image of the world I had believed in and preached about had shattered along with my dignity.

I failed to choke back my tears as I explained the incident to the United States Embassy the next day. Just as I had expected, bringing him to justice would be impossible. Not only does corruption penetrate every institution in this country, but women courageous enough to seek justice are also framed as the instigators of rape. Though those I spoke with at the embassy were well informed, compassionate, and empathic, there was nothing else they could do to help.

The consul offered to assist me in contacting my family and making arrangements to return home, but I immediately declined. I imagined encountering all those who had only reluctantly supported me, embracing me with pity but harboring thoughts of “I told you so”. However, something stronger than my pride was urging me to stay and continue on my journey.

After the rape, preventing anger and disappointment from polluting my entire being took all of my strength. Traveling is my identity, though, and I wasn’t about to abandon it. Instead, I reflected upon the experiences I have gathered from my time abroad that have taught me one of the greatest lessons of the human experience: gratitude.

Through my travels in the past three years, I have had the great privilege of witnessing passion and human connection in many of its forms. After ending up in a carpet warehouse after getting lost in the alleyways of Istanbul, I met an old Muslim man who gave me tea and fervidly showed me every carpet in his collection, explaining the rich history behind every symbol, pattern, and color. In Romania, I fell deeply in love with a man in a matter of days. Later, I learned to say goodbye. In Israel, I encountered an Iranian woman who told me that she didn’t care that I was American, that she loved me anyways. In Kosovo, I met a man who worked as one of the region’s few child therapists. He was determined to help underprivileged children despite barely earning enough money to pay his rent. In Poland, strangers comforted me after I learned about the loss of my grandfather.

By learning gratitude, I also learned the power of vulnerability. Each time I stepped off of the airplane, I embraced the chaos of an alien environment. At the same time, I allowed each new place to embrace me, being honest when I felt uncomfortable, insecure, and lonely. Without being vulnerable, I never would have experienced the deep connections that make me grateful for the privilege of traveling and bearing witness to life’s diverse facets.

Although what happened made me want to return to comfort and familiarity, I won’t let my rapist break me. Next week I will board a plane for the next adventure: venturing through Tajikistan and to the Pamir mountains. This is still a man’s world, and that’s the unfortunate truth whether in Kyrgyzstan or Europe or the United States. However, I plan to change this fact. Through embracing vulnerability and traveling fearlessly, I will reclaim my identity.

This is a guest post penned by a strong traveling woman who would like to remain anonymous.

Author:

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28 Comments

Beautiful thoughts that perfectly encapsulate both the pain and beauty of travel. We don't travel because travel life is perfect, we travel because it is valuable. Thank you for sharing this story, even though it is personal and difficult.

You are an incredibly strong woman and I applaud you. I can't imagine what you've been through but I am so inspired by your strength and perserverance. It takes a lot to be able to see beauty in the world after such a horrible experience. Thank you for sharing your story.

As I was reading this post, I can feel the weight of your feelings. I was almost raped on my trip twice and managed to escape. I did not told my family but I told the incident to some of my friends. They convinced me to go back home or stay in their house and I also refused. I continued my journey despite of what happened. Traveling indeed is not all roses. I hope girls will be inspired to fight for their dream with your story. Thanks for sharing.

You are an inspiration! Definitely an extraordinary human being! Yet I would at least spread the contact through FB, twitter and any other social media in order to help other women not only to recognize him but also to avoid and spread the face of this monster. Living in a country with high level of corruption and policial incompetence I know the best and most of times only option is to turn the face of the criminals is the only way to at least turn their life into nightmares as justice may never me actually done.Also as a solo female traveller I'm always here to support you and every member of this community to whatever decisions you make.You are definitely an amazing girl and I hope we'll meet in this world Keep travelling! Never give up!

What a beautiful albeit heartbreaking read this was. You are such an inspiration to not just rape victims but to all women who unfortunately still live in a man's world (even though it's already the 21st century). I applaud your strength, resilience and perseverance to keep living your dream despite the sick ordeal you've been through. It's such a wonder that you can still see the good in spite of everything. As you keep on keepin' on, I pray for your safety and may you have more moments experiencing compassion and kindness wherever you go.

Very sorry to hear that this has happened to you, I'm sending you lots of love from England. Everything aside.. please do allow yourself to seek help should you need it. Rape is an awful thing having gone through it myself with my first boyfriend. Even though I thought I was "fine" and got on with things and didn't let him stop me living my life, and I believed that I had healed etc, things came bubbling back to the surface a few years later now I in a very stable and healthy relationship. Don't be ashamed to get the help you may need, regardless of how determined you are to carry on normally.

Props to the author for traveling despite the hardships she has had to endure and for speaking out/giving a voice to other women that have endured similar setbacks in their travels or daily life. She is certainly a brave soul and I, along with many other readers, applaud her for continuing her life and not letting one bad man take away from all of the positive things she has been lucky enough to do/see in the world.

Thank you for sharing your experience and also with that you moved something bigger that I realy don't have words for it. Is almoust as reading your story I set myself free of my grudge over frend betrayal. And although the story is different the symptoms are very similar as those you describes. So your courage and power remined me of mine and something shifted. So thank you for sharing and I wish that Love and Beauty be your companions on every trip!

Wow... this must be the strongest story about a determined woman traveller I've read so far in my life. Respect, congratulations and my admiration for everything that you are doing, from the way you see the world to the way you know to pick the good from all experiences. Keep travelling!

Thank you so much for sharing such a brave story. I'm a journalist and am currently writing an article for Broadly (a section of Vice) about women's experiences of being raped abroad. I was wondering if you would be willing to speak to me about your experience? I will be sharing my own story in the article but anything you said would of course remain anonymous. If you would like to get in touch my e-mail is katherinegiddins@msn.com

Thank you for sharing your story. I myself am a 20 year old female traveling solo. I am in the middle of my trip and two nights ago I was drugged at a club and raped in the streets of Slovenia. For now I am keeping this from my family and friends for the same reasons mentioned in your post. Your story is exactly what I need to hear right now.