Drunk man at bar not lying about being a surgeon

THE pisshead you met at the weekend was telling the truth when he claimed to be a top surgeon.

Probably going home after this one

As statistics show that operations at weekends are more dangerous, it emerged that the very drunk stranger you chatted to in the pub wasn’t lying about being a medical professional.

A British Medical Association spokesman said: “It’s quite common when in the pub to meet a middle-aged man, slurring and with bits of crisp stuck to his shirt, who claims to be a brain surgeon or something.

“You naturally assume he is bullshitting to look impressive and that he actually works part-time in a warehouse while living on alone on a diet of Rustlers burgers.

“Actually only the last bit is true. He is actually the man whose job is to make you not die.

“If you’re looking at people’s insides all day you need a pretty stiff drink at the end of it.”

Surgeon Julian Cook said: “I try to limit myself to three pints if I’m operating the following day, because manipulating human organs is the last thing you want to be doing with a hangover – it’s instant barf time.

“Still I end up getting smashed most nights. The trick to working while ‘under the weather’ is to imagine you’re playing the board game ‘Operation’ and that a buzzer’s going to go off if you drop a lung on the floor.”