It’s not just homeschooling advocates who recognize the plight of government education and desperately desire to make the public aware of the disadvantages it gives to our children. Especially now with common core standards. Besides veteran voices like John Taylor Gatto, Peter Gray and Roger Schank, who have been pleading for a de-centralization of government schooling for a long time, a recent retiring school teacher has joined them with his retirement letter-gone-viral:

“My profession is being demeaned by a pervasive atmosphere of distrust, dictating that teachers cannot be permitted to develop and administer their own quizzes and tests (now titled as generic “assessments”) or grade their own students’ examinations. The development of plans, choice of lessons and the materials to be employed are increasingly expected to be common to all teachers in a given subject. This approach not only strangles creativity, it smothers the development of critical thinking in our students and assumes a one-size-fits-all mentality more appropriate to the assembly line than to the classroom. (emphasis mine) Teacher planning time has also now been so greatly eroded by a constant need to “prove up” our worth to the tyranny of APPR (through the submission of plans, materials and “artifacts” from our teaching) that there is little time for us to carefully critique student work, engage in informal intellectual discussions with our students and colleagues, or conduct research and seek personal improvement through independent study. We have become increasingly evaluation and not knowledge driven. Process has become our most important product, to twist a phrase from corporate America, which seems doubly appropriate to this case.

After writing all of this I realize that I am not leaving my profession, in truth, it has left me. It no longer exists.” -Gerald J. Conti, Washington Post

Slowly, and thankfully, many parents want their kids out. But some feel that homeschooling isn’t an option. What then?

My first suggestion is that homeschooling may very well be an option. Before other alternatives are even discussed, I want to knock down some common assumptions about “why I can’t homeschool.”

Myth 1: “We can’t afford it.”

While it may be true, in some cases, that without two incomes, or without a second parent in the home, the basic bills (food, shelter, utilities, clothing) simply won’t get paid, this is hardly ever the reality. The real reality is that major sacrifices may have to be made to cut back to one income (in the case of a mother and father). I am speaking from experience, that when your belief in the enormous advantages of homeschooling (as opposed to the alternatives) is strong enough, you will do drastic things to make it happen.

It might mean cutting things you’ve been accustomed to, eating differently, shopping differently or living differently. It might even mean moving to a more affordable house/area. It might mean exploring work-from-home options. But there’s never been a truer statement: “where there’s a will, there’s a way.”

Additionally, due to our presuppositions about schooling, homeschooling can be done in the evenings, as well as in the absence of parents, if children are old enough to stay by themselves.

You don’t have to be. Because education isn’t dependent on your knowledge (contrary to what you may have been conditioned to think). Education is helping a child learn what he needs to learn through experiences, books, tutors, videos, projects, conversations–through life and the human experience. Just like a young child learns what he needs to learn with adult guidance, he continues to learn the same way when given the freedom and opportunity to explore and find answers to his questions. (Read more: Am I Qualified to Teach My Child?)

Myth: 3: My Kids Won’t be Socialized

One of the very reasons we homeschool is precisely because we don’t desire the socialization that comes with a peer-driven culture. As Christian parents, we should consider strongly the Bible’s admonition that “he who walks with the wise will become wise; but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Children learn best how to do life by the experience of being closely associated with those older and wiser than himself, especially as he learns proper social behavior. Besides that, homeschooled children have enormous opportunities to spend with peers, if that’s your desire. (Read more: Socializing at School or Home)

Maybe an unspoken one might be “I don’t like my children?” Before I had them, I swore I’d NEVER have children! I love my children, and wish I’d had more than I do. The secret is that they are MINE, and I can raise them to not do the things I see other children do. If that makes any sense…

I am going through this right now , my daughter has struggled since day 1 with reading and is now 15 in 9th grade . I finally realize after years of struggle that the school system never intended to help my daughter to learn or find out the problem or help us to help her…it has just been finding ways to advance her along to graduation through using programs which opt her out of basic learning. Now she is rudely against any teaching , no curiosity about anything. Finally we are in agreement to bring her home , but she is smirky whenever I do anything with her, I have decided to start with cursive handwriting and having her read books with about a 5th grade reading level ,I just feel totally lost, she is very resentful of me asking her to do anything at this point, I am incapable of teaching at a 9th grade level but I guess that is okay because so far she is incapable of learning at a 9th grade level. Now the school says she is simply lazy where for 8 years they said it was a learning disability and that she always was trying so hard. Now that she has given up trying it is a laziness issue .I am lost as to what to do.

Take heart! I’ll tell you exactly what I would do: bring her home, restore a right relationship with her, carefully balanced with respect, love and camaraderie.

Then open up a world to her that doesn’t involve “this is what you HAVE to do.” Just enjoy life with her. Read to her. Perhaps visit some places that would spark her curiosity. What does she enjoy doing? Do it. Read about it. Explore some hobbies. Think outside the box of text books, and rekindle what God gives us all when we’re born: a natural curiosity to learn. That’s been crushed in her, but it can be restored.

You will never, ever regret doing that. She needs someone to care about *her*, not the way she performs on a test. Tests/grade levels get us sidetracked. Forget about those. Just get her inspired to live and enjoy life again. Then she’ll want to learn.

Amen to what Kelly said. For starters, you may even think back to things she liked to play with when she was little. Did she love Barbies? Would she now be interested in fashion? Kids are authentic when they’re little and abandon things they love as tweens because they get teased about them. Set about recovering what delighted her when she was young and you will see her blossom anew.

I like the idea of homeschooling, and am drawn to it because I do NOT like some agendas that are making their way into the public school education. But what if it just doesn’t seem like it will be a good fit? I have a hard enough time already keeping up with things, how can I add teaching my kids? (I have 4 kids – oldest 2nd grade, youngest 22 months, and one on the way.)

While it is tricky for me to answer your question (“keeping up with things”) because I don’t know your schedule or your “things”, I can say with certainty, that getting kids off to school, especially with toddlers,and all that entails, is a huge undertaking and will relieve you immensely, should you decide to homeschool.

Homeschooling the relaxed way (which in my opinion, is the BEST way 😉 ) allows you to tailor everything to your family’s needs and schedule and seasons.

Part of the reason people have a difficult time imagining trying to homeschool, is that they are imagining trying to recreate a classroom at home. The classroom model is not a superior method, and surely not the only way to educate. It is done simply because it has to be done to manage large groups of children, and because the school system isn’t really after true education anyway (oh dear, that’s another story.)

What I’m saying is, homeschooling is a different world. Suffice it to say that you are already homeschooling your little ones. It is not too big. I promise 😉

I was so nervous when I first began homeschooling. I didn’t think I was qualified and thought I would have to recreate the public school classroom in our home. I very quickly realized that this was not the case. I had already been homeschooling my son since birth and did not even realize it!

Homeschooling will require some lifestyle changes, that’s for sure. And it is a sacrifice, no two ways about it. Your kids are home all the time. Makes scheduling things like dr. apts. and other appointments difficult, especially those for yourself. Your house will be messier. I have 5 kids, ages 3-11 and my life is pretty chaotic. But, for us, the benefits completely outweigh the costs of homeschooling. There is no question about putting them in public school. This is a sacrifice I willingly make. We have a very tight knit family, my kids are studying things they’d never study in public school (and in a way they’d never teach it), and the actual hours spent in school is about half what they’d be putting in in public school, and no homework.

Many years ago I ran into a former teaching colleague of mine, and when I told her I was now homeschooling, she responded, “Oh, I could never teach my own kids.” I thought that strange, but didn’t say anything, that she could teach a classroom full of children she hardly knew, but couldn’t teach her own few children.

I suspect what she was really saying was somewhere along the lines of someone else I met some years later (not a teacher) who said she wanted to send her kids to school, and not homeschool them, because “they listen to/obey their teachers better than they do me.”

I wasn’t bold enough to say it in person, but I’ll say it here 😉 — if your kids are more willing to listen to and obey other adults than you, then that’s a sign you need more time with your kids, not less, building a solid relationship. Parents need to have their children’s hearts; sending them off to others and being glad that at least they’re obeying *someone* can be a recipe for disaster, depending on whom they are willing to trust and obey. And even if they give their hearts to someone who doesn’t misuse that trust, there still remains the issue that the child is not willing to align fully with his/her parents.

You’re right that relationship is key, and the picture of what “real learning” is is a distorted one if the classroom model is the one we’re using to imagine homeschooling. (Actually, I think “home discipleship” is a better term than “home schooling”, but the latter, of course, is more familiar.)

“The bringing up, as of a child, instruction; formation of manners. education comprehends all that series of instruction and discipline which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science, is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties.”

As opposed to Webster’s definition today:

“the action or process of teaching someone especially in a school, college, or university”

I love that definition from the 1828 dictionary (and that dictionary is one of the best purchases I ever made). I have a notebook where I write down quotes, definitions, and various other musings that I find interesting. That definition of education is one of the items that made it into the notebook. 😉

One I’ve heard from friends is simply, “I could never do that.” Meaning that “some moms” are just cut out for homeschooling and some aren’t. I’ve heard the same argument against moms staying a home. “I have to work, it’s my break. I could never be with my kids all day.” Unfortunately, I think this bespeaks an incredibly sad and harsh reality of what we (as a culture) think of our children: that we can only “handle them” when they’re being easy or pleasant. Anything that stresses us or makes us uncomfortable…we would rather someone else deal with. And of course, this isn’t everyone (not even all people who don’t homeschool). But I’ve heard it enough that it bothers me. Why sign up for parenthood if you only want the “happy parts?” Some of the hard stuff becomes the most beautiful, but you have to stick at it.

This article is so good. It makes me realize that our current situation is not as bad as I have made it out to be. Here is our story:
Friends of ours asked us if we would like to rent a home they wanted to build on their land in hopes that we will buy in the next year or two when we get back on our financial feet. We said “yes” after being told the house would be completed in December. We moved out of the rental home we were in on September 1st after it sold to another family. Our plan was to use our timeshares and visit family for short visits until the house was completed to avoid the cost/burden of moving into another rental short term.

We have 5 kids 9yrs. and under. Three days after we moved out I found out our 6th baby was on the way! 🙂 This was the beginning of difficulties for me. Morning sickness kicked in full boar and my husband who works from home had to take on every detail of running a home and taking care of the kids. My whole idea of journaling our travels as the kids “school” quickly flew out the window. Three solid months of horrible sickness, continual moving (every week to 10 days) between California, Oregon and Washington, has made life so difficult.

Then Christmas came and went, and the delays of building kept coming. The first of the year we all became sick, and I got the worst of it, pregnant with H1N1 (swine flu). I was bed ridden. This time it was 3 weeks of it, until the antibiotics finally kicked it. We were scared, having read several stories of deaths from it at the time I had it. We continued to move around from place to place, (even once during my flu) which set me back further. If anyone has been discouraged beyond, it’s me. But through it all, our house is supposed to be finished TODAY!!! 🙂 Praise God! Move in scheduled for this weekend.

I have wondered if I ruined my kids lack of “schooling” these past 6 months. But then today my 8 year old daughter came in and asked me if bees hibernate during winter. You know, I don’t ever remember being taught about bees when I was in school. We had a good short conversation about it and she was off to explore outside again on this beautiful Wednesday. 🙂 She isn’t confined to a classroom and has been able to explore to her hearts content wherever we have landed.

My kids have learned to go without their toys and creature comforts. We have all slept in the same room together for days at a time, adjusted to new environments, and have explored places we don’t normally see. We have also had time to spend with family that is unable to travel to see us. So I have been depressed about their lack of academics but am realizing that they have learned more than they could in a classroom. I’m anxious to get into a daily groove like we used to have. Back to the reading and writing, math games, etc. but I have learned that they learn best when they have little but curiosity. They have learned to deal with siblings, selfishness, boredem, etc., and are learning along with me learning, 🙂 thankfulness, selflessness, giving, creativity, and the list goes on. So our long journey waiting for our home is coming to an end, and I’m just realizing that it wasn’t so bad, it was actually a blessing.

I actually think having the kids home schooled is better when life gets crazy because you can change their routines and be more flexible than when they are in school. Even if they are not doing tons of schooly things at least you are all still together and, as you have seen, still learning important things about life!

I started out homeschooling but then had a health/stress crisis last year and thought maybe it was partly because of homeschooling. My son is in 3rd, my daughter is in K, and my youngest is 2. I am so tired of the the homework, common core, and rushing out in the morning to name a few. My children even go to a “good” school a few houses down from us. Plus, I cry because I just plain MISS my kids so much! I am counting down until summer when I have them back. Dh wants them to finish off the year but a few months ago he thought they should stay in school. The Lord has answered my prayer and changed my husband’s heart so we can homeschool again!

Something that I will NOT do again is use a charter! I think that added so much pressure for me because I had to report to someone and find stuff to turn in. I always felt like I was failing too with the list of standards to cover. That thing is huge! Sometimes I don’t think I would have ended up sending my kids to school if I was not in the charter.

My children did really well with the relaxed homeschooling that Kelly is talking about. My son even did great on standardized tests (not that it matters!) and can read many grade levels ahead even though he did not learn to read until he was 7.

After having my children in school now I know how good it is to have them home even though it has its challenges. The thing that bothers me the most is that school (even our “good” one) is just such a waste of time and needlessly complicated. They spend so many hours teaching concepts that can be learned painlessly in real life or when they are ready with a little help from their mom!

I think my biggest fear/misconception/challenge, was that good homeschool moms are these Type A, control freak mothers whose floors are spotless, and who eat the Paleo diet, rise at 5am to jog half a mile every morning, and who can do everything from nurse a baby to can their families supply of food every summer…while being a fabulous mom and stimulating wife… We’ve been “officially” homeschooling, now, for 2 years. My oldest is 9 and my youngest is 3.5, and we are expecting #5 in about 4 weeks. Unfortunately, our district is not that free, in that we have to turn in an evaluation and samples of work, and a daily log, and attendance calendar (180 days). This part of it irritates the living daylights out of me…Every spring I feel SOOO spied on and hassled… But I would also like to make a few observations of what I have learned. Homeschooling is great if hubby’s work schedule is weird. My hubby works second shift (3-11) all the time, and if our older boys went to school, they would NEVER see daddy except on the weekends. I think that is a recipe for disaster, especially for boys. Also, as Kelly has said, a relaxed environment does help, and it has taken my husband and myself a while to realize that we don’t need to be so freaked out about “are they learning enough?” or “are they where they should be?” and so on… As the primary teacher (hubby does math mostly), I have to simply start with something, realizing that as we work our way through it, things will stick. As they read more, write more, listen more, are exposed to info and ideas more, some of it WILL stick. Perhaps not all the vocabulary will stick perfectly in their minds, but it doesn’t have to (at this stage, anyway). My two older boys are sooo different. One reads easily, one harder. One spells naturally, the other not AT ALL. One likes to use his hands, the other is clumsy… and so on. We can’t expect to mold them into the same shape… they each will have their own shape that will show up over time. I just have to remember to be faithful (as much as I can) for today. TODAY we will learn a bit more about math, a bit more about science, a bit more about the English language, a few more spelling words, we will practise how to form cursive a little better… and so on, realizing that doing that day in and day out, WILL bring progress. And filling in the gaps with cooking, laundry, cleaning, organizing, playing, pretending, fort-making, taking walks, talking a lot, asking lots of questions etc hopefully will deal with socialization and direction for each child. The only other thing I will say is a struggle for me is the tight budget. We make about $28K/year, and our family will be one of 7 soon. We are out of debt minus our (small) mortgage, and have one car, but what I am finding is the struggle of work/convenience each day. For example, our washer was making funny noises the other day and I was afraid it was on the blitz… and we don’t use a dryer, but hang ALL our clothes(and I average 2-3 loads a day, nearly every day). The next day, since hubby hadn’t had a chance to look at it, I hand washed 2 small loads in our utility sinks, and hand wrung them and hung them to dry(while 8 months preggo). I was very nervous, because we really don’t have $500 to replace the washer (or even $200), and was feeling overwhelmed, if handwashing our clothes was going to be a permanent thing that had to be fit in to everything else…So much about our lives is already NOT convenient. I must eat gluten free, so we can use NO convenience foods at all, and I cook everthing from scratch. We don’t use paper products but eat off real dishes and use rags instead of paper towels… and so on…living on a tight budget often requires sooo much WORK. Which can be a struggle to figure out how to fit it all in, PLUS some structured school time (which I must do, since we HAVE to report to the district). I DO delegate lots of chores to kiddos and the older ones are becoming pretty good helpers, it’s just a lot to remember each day…and while things are generally not horrible, my house is rarely all clean all at the same time, and clutter is a constant battle… Overall, after 2 years, I feel like we are just now settling into a normal pattern that doesn’t feel strange. I have struggled with resentment over the dual-role of teacher/mother, wishing I could just be one or the other, and often feeling like I fail at both. Also, I struggle to figure out how to fit in things like walking, sewing, spending time with hubby, without feeling pressured to be getting things “done”… But, even with these conundrums, I think my boys are being protected from what can be a dangerous environment, and education destruction…as well as from political agendas that have nothing to do with education. I just pray that God keeps me healthy…

You sound like you’re at a peak of frustration, and feeling of inadequacy. I don’t think you are alone one bit. Every mom I know including myself struggles to feel adequate. Am I a good wife, mom, homeschool teacher, house keeper, cook, etc? Truth is, we are all a bunch of imperfect moms who love their families enough to be raising our kids an being wives. It’s hard work…a labor of love. 🙂

One thing that’s so wonderful about growing older and having your own family is that that really is all that matters. We have too much responsibility to be worried about pleasing anyone else, and trying to mimic what they do. Just figure out what pleases Jesus. And figuring out that sure gives me sooo much peace.

I love this blog site because Kelly has so many encouraging articles about renewing our thinking and getting away from replicating public school at home. Rather, realize that you make the rules, the day goes the way you decide based off your families personal needs, and the way that you function best. No one person has it all figured out.

We have food allergies in our home too, making it difficult to eat normal stuff, no peanut butter sandwiches here, no eggs, etc. So what to do? Embrace it, and make baking homemade part of school. If you aren’t a rigid type A personality, (I’m not a type A) then do what is more free for you.

I struggle to follow any kind of structure other than the one I create for myself. My morning starts with doing 4 girls hair, because they beg for it first thing, then coffee, then breakfast, then a break for me to breath. When I get my bearings again, we do whatever I have energy for, usually make them make beds ad clean up dishes. My oldest is my only son, and he is so easy going. So I like to start school with him. Read some and copy a section into his notebook for writing. Then on to the next kid. It’s fast and effective for us. But some days I just don’t feel like doing it until later because I’m pregnant and just need some down time. So we just kind of go with the flow. We don’t even live in our own place right now, been traveling around for 6 months, so each day is different. There really is no one size fits all.

You may be surprised to know that you are not alone in the struggles you face. Many, many, many moms are struggling with the same, financial issues, pregnancy with little ones running around with older ones to school, things breaking down, food allergies, etc. It’s not easy, and it’s all a part of life. Consider it pure joy when we go through various trials, it helps our faith grow, and matures us.

It’s important to give yourself a break once in a while, even once or twice, or three times a day! 🙂 Renew your strength and sanity by taking breathers during the day to refocus. Sip tea from a special cup, take a few extra minutes in the bathroom to read something you like, freshen yourself up with lipstick or fluffing your hair, put on something you feel pretty in. There are a million ways to freshen up your situation. Lighten up… 🙂

I’ve learned, the kids can wait. My husband has to remind me just like the flight attendants on an airplane say, put your oxygen mask on first then on your kids. If you don’t take care of yourself you will not be able to take care of your kids. You will wither…

The hardest “excuse” I hear, and I don’t know that it’s always an excuse, is from folks who assert that they feel “led” to have their kids in public school. I do not ever want to be a pharisee, and I hesitate to judge what someone is hearing the Lord say to them, but…I can see very little in Scripture that I read as a compelling lead to hand my little children over to a government institution that is at its core antithetical to the Christian faith. Hopefully this will not open a big can of worms! I recognize that there are those who homeschool for motives that also sound very holy but boil down to the idea that if we can keep our kids away from OTHER nasty sinners they’ll grow to be pure as the driven snow. And who knows their own hearts, truly, since they’re “deceitful above all else and desperately wicked”? Anyway, just wondering about others’ thoughts on that.

I just love this blog, and I even love the comments because I read about as much inspiring stuff in there (or thoughtful rebuttals, or whatever 😉 as I do in your writing, Kelly. I’m sitting here just loving the obvious thing, that non-homeschool moms frankly miss, and that is the day-to-day refinement that we receive just from plugging through, one day at a time, from our husbands and children. I don’t mean to imply that other employment, out of the home commitments do NOT do this….but frankly, when I have a whale of a time with my two year old I never wonder, Hmm….did I miss the mark on having him? Or, should I have taken this account? Or, is it time to move on to a different position? I know without any doubt, that is the challenge the Lord has ordained for me, for that day. And I am so blessed by reading the heroic stories of you other moms out there fighting through transition/pregnancy/challenges, etc. I had some of my own these past three months, as I moved from Japan back to the US after (my husband’s) three years’ assignment there. With three boys, age four and under. And our dog. Living in a hotel for over a month, camping in our new house as we try to get things painted/cleaned, surviving stomach viruses on a cross-country drive. We’ll make it, ladies!!!!

Oh my goodness, I see this a lot too! There is one HUGE flaw in that argument, aside from the complete lack of Scripture evidence. 😉 We would never send out unregenerate or even baby Christians onto the mission field. Why would we send our children, many of whom do not know Christ personally, as witnesses for Him? And those who DO know Him…they are young, impressionable and learning oh so much!! They need to be trained, not sent out before they barely know up from down.

I happened onto a great article today that explores and debunks a few myths about homeschooling. It is also a very positive, encouraging report about so many of the wonderful realities for families who have adopted the home-educating lifestyle. A good reminder for those of us who have chosen this path about the blessings inherent in it, and an honest, excellent and encouraging glimpse at those blessings for anyone who is not currently homeschooling, but may be considering it or wanting to know more about this lifestyle.

Regarding the “socialization myth”, I thought this to be very thought-provoking from the article I linked to just above:

“Lack of socialization is one of the first criticisms raised by many home school opponents, but psychologist Linda Silverman notes the important distinction between socialization and social development. Socialization is the ability to adapt to the needs of a group, the ability and desire to conform. Social development, on the other hand, is the process of getting to know and be comfortable with oneself and one’s beliefs so as to better contribute to the needs of the group. The difference is between going along with the crowd and not making waves or standing out (socialization) and cooperating when necessary for the common good but also being willing to stick one’s neck out to make a positive difference (social development).”

I think that’s a good distinction to make, the difference between socialization and social development, one that I had not considered or heard discussed before.

Hi
I have three children aged 11, 9 and 7. They all attend a nearby Christian school. Recently though I’ve met a few families who homeschool their children and I’m starting to think maybe this is what our family should be doing as well. I always thought I wasn’t academic enough to be able to teach my own children but after speaking with different people I’m thinking maybe I could actually do it. My 9 year old struggles a lot at school and I think homeschooling would be great for her. Although my 11 year old loves school. Do you think the adjustment from being at school will be to hard for her now that she’s already been at school for 6 years? Have I left it to late to make the change? Do you know of anyone else who started homeschooling when their children were older?

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