4 Things To Know When Dating a Girl With A Single Mother

No matter how much we go through in adult life and no matter what sort of choices we intend to make, things that happened in our childhood still define us to a certain extent. We can always change the ways that we look at our past, but it still existed, and during the formative years it can leave a huge impression on us. Here are some things to know about women who grew up with a strong single mother, and what you should know about dating her.

1. She will recognize the strength of women.

Anyone who grew up with a strong single mom will know that women can do anything, and she probably won’t think highly of lazy or half hearted behavior. Most single moms have to work in addition to taking care of their kids, which means a lot of sacrifices, not a lot of free time, and a total commitment to handling business and staying out of trouble. That can be a stark contrast to growing up in an environment where one parents stays home some of the time and might even feel bored or lacking purpose.

A single mom has one hell of a purpose and her children grow up seeing when she puts their needs ahead of her own. They understand compassion in that way, and what it means to do things for the people that you love. They’ll also understand (or have to learn) that not everyone deserves to be treated that way, and that they have to pick and choose what is worthy of their personal commitment before it drains them.

2. She only got a woman’s perspective on many things.

A strong single mother takes on the primary care role and will raise her daughter to be the best woman that she can be. But she also is just one person. A woman who grew up in a home with just her mother was heavily influenced by her whether she liked it or not, and without the dual perspective that a lot of children get. If there are two parents around and they disagree on a topic or even just see it in slightly different ways, then kids might be influenced to make their own decision out of the two options that they hear. Many single parents do their best to give sound advice and see things from multiple perspectives, but will never be the same as multiple people.

Since she got so much of one woman’s perspective, she got less of a man’s perspective. This is good in certain ways, and not good in other ways. It might take her a while to sort through things when she gets to a point in life where she’s suddenly bombarded with all kinds of opinions from every direction.

3. She might fear commitment.

A woman who grew up in a single parents household either saw a relationship end or they saw how easily it is for a person to never be around from the get go. There are tons of things that can break up the relationship, but whether it was death, a divorce, distance, or a deadbeat dad the fact still remains that he wasn’t there with her mom. If a woman doesn’t see her mom in a healthy and happy relationship while she’s growing up, it’s a little more complicated to understand that it’s possible. Especially if her mother is ever sad or dating a bunch of people short term.

It’s not that she doesn’t necessarily trust men (although that can be a huge issue), but she might need a little extra time to warm up to things so that she can be sure of what she’s getting into as she does. She doesn’t want to be abandoned under any circumstances, and since she has experienced the concept of that closely her fears around it might feel legitimate.

If her mother was dating throughout her childhood years she probably saw an awful lot with that as well. Single moms and their children tend to be close in many ways, and if there men around in those years the child would have seen a lot. Even if it’s just picking up on how her mom is feeling good or bad. Kids tend to be extra sensitive to their single moms, and undoubtedly she would notice when her mom seemed at peace with a new guy around and when it only added turmoil. Sorting through that has an added layer to understand when it isn’t her father in question.

4. She can handle things on her own.

A woman who grew up with a single mom never saw a man step in to handle the maintenance chores while her mom cooked and cleaned. Her mom did it all. She didn’t grow up with the same stereotypes about what women and men are best suited for based on the gender. She’s aware of them anyway, but she quickly learned that you can just handle things as they arise and not that you have to wait around for someone more capable to do it.

For that reason she’s probably pretty self-sufficient. She saw her mom do it and so she started to do it too. This is obviously a great thing in many ways, because she’s aware of her personal power. At the same time, she might not be accustomed to asking for help or even accepting it when other people offer it…especially men. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t offer aspects of yourself and strengths to her you absolutely should. If you’re used to giving or taking care of women it can be confusing when one doesn’t act like she needs you in those ways. Offer it anyway but don’t be insulted if she doesn’t take it at first. With the right person she’ll learn to accept the dual aspects of a partnership and accept as much as she gives.

But no matter how independent she might seem, don’t make the mistake of assuming that she isn’t thinking and feeling a lot. She might be the most emotional person on the planet but perhaps she learned to keep it in. Assume that she’s as soft on the inside as anyone else despite her strengths, in the sense that she needs love just as much even when she doesn’t want to admit it.

Everyone is different in subtle ways if not massive ones, but some women from single mother homes are a little harder to get close to. Do it anyway! Once you do you’ll be met with the sincerity from a really strong woman. When she lets people in she does it with intention.

Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer, who utilizes as much wit and personal anecdote as possible across a variety of genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Keep up with her on her social media @KateFerg