Diet pills? Fat chance

Friday

According to a local pharmacist, I was the very first person at the store to purchase the new over-the-counter diet drug Alli on June 15, the very first day it was available. How embarrassing is that?

According to a local pharmacist, I was the very first person at the store to purchase the new over-the-counter diet drug Alli on June 15, the very first day it was available. How embarrassing is that?

But I was probably the very first person to throw it away as well — I chucked it on June 15 as well, without taking a single pill. Just chalk up the loss of $50 to the fact that old habits die hard.

You see, I thought I'd gotten "better." It's been a few years now since I last tried anything rash to lose weight. But banish one demon and another one sneaks up behind you (in the diet pill aisle at the grocery store) when you're not looking.

Here I thought I'd reached a good place — the "eat less, exercise more" mantra was finally sinking in. I had taken over the household cooking to make dinner less an all-you-can-eat affair and more a healthful event.

I was getting back to yoga and walking more and even trying to (gently) urge Jon to get moving a bit.

And I was willing to chuck it all, for the chance to take a Glaxo Smith-Kline pill, whose accompanying literature advises users to carry an extra pair of pants in case all that blocked fat just leaks out.

Once I got home and did more reading online I learned that it might not even help me, as I'm not even close to the number of pounds that they're defining as overweight for my height. I also realized that I really, really, do not want to poop in my pants.

Before this latest lapse, it'd been a long time since I dabbled in diet miracles. It started in high school. I went on a Diet Coke and Dexatrim diet of my own creation when I was 15. I passed out on the back of my horse on the second day and gave up.

In my senior year, I lost 15 pounds because of excessive partying and seriously unhealthy behavior. My teachers all told me I looked wonderful. I gained it back and more the following year because of even more unhealthy behavior.

In my early 20s in New York City, I made it down to my lowest weight ever with a combination of Ephedra, work stress, insomnia, and — oh, yeah — Phentermine purchased illegally over the Internet. In more recent (and less pharmacologically focused) years, I've taken natural diet suppressants like Hoodia Gordoni, drank copious amounts of green tea and tried the South Beach Diet, the Atkins Diet, The Healthy Way, Slimfast and my crowning glory — two spectacularly failed attempts at Stanley Burroughs's Master Cleanse.

Now, before any of you well-meaning readers get an urge to send a concerned e-mail that mentions self-esteem, body image or the portrayal of beauty in the media — please, please don't. I really am pretty well-adjusted. In fact, I'd wager that my behavior rates about average on the curve of female nuttiness in regards to weight gain and loss.

The thing is, I'm starting to get a little nervous about infecting my daughter.

During a recent visit, I actually said, to my (tiny) sister: "I wish I could be anorexic, but I just don't have the self-control." She looked aghast and told me I'd better clean up my act for Samantha's sake. It was like getting hit with a giant bag of doughnuts in the side of the head. She was right. I had to get over this toxic behavior and fast.

During her working years, my mother used to eat coffee for breakfast and carrot and celery sticks for lunch, and a small dinner. I don't know how she did it. She did chew a lot of Doublemint gum. She was a good three inches taller than me and always weighed about 20 pounds less.

My sister is also exceedingly slender, and I've always felt rather elephantine around her as well.

My mom used to shake her head and laugh whenever I ordered a salad and an entrée at a restaurant.

"Boy, you and your father love to eat," she'd say. After that I always felt like the 300-pounder in a tank top at Sizzler and dinner just didn't taste that great.

How do we find middle ground with our diets and our daughters?

It is unhealthy to be inactive and overweight. In terms of health issues, think of it this way: I don't want my daughter to smoke, so why is it OK to be seriously overweight? I want her "self-esteem" to come from her own accomplishments, not from Dove commercials.

At the same time, I don't want her taking dangerous drugs in a quest to be thin(ner), like her mother did. And I want her to be confident in her health and appearance. But can she do it if I can't show her how?

Emily Bailey is the very last person in the developed world to start a blog. If you're not easily offended and want to read it, e-mail her for a link at publicemily1@gmail.com.

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