Sperm Tester Sarah Maya - Diary - Day 13

It's 07:57 on Sunday morning and what a grey day it is. I'm sure when I woke up a couple of hours ago the sky looked blue. Or maybe I was so drunk at that point in the morning that I was totally unable to see straight…

We went out at 5pm last night and executed a pub crawl in our local town, visiting five pubs in the first hour. Have just seen a message saved on his phone as a draft to one of our mates. It was entitled 'Nah Barbahd'.Need I say more?

We got absolutely hammered last night, danced like plonkers and I ended up making my way home on my own. Don't ask. It's not the first time! We seem to lose one another when we're in that kind of state. I fell over. My hand hurts.

I remember being stopped by a police women and her partner and suddenly becoming very lucid and explaining that I was quite alright and that she should go and spend her time with someone who really needed her assistance! I also mentioned that I had been walking the streets of my local town for years and nothing had ever happened.

Honestly, I don't think anyone in their right mind would ever try anything with me if they met me in the street when I was drunk as I am quite sure I appear totally deranged and capable of anything. I am also very sure I wouldn't hesitate to execute my own very personal form of GBH on any man who did try and accost me.

Be warned: I am not friendly with strange men when I am drunk so if you ever bump into me… :-D Men have been known to run off! Well we did have sex this morning. Do you feel randy when you're hungover?

Shane's spunk didn't make it directly into my mouth (we were in bed) but I delicately placed my finger inside myself after the event and swiped some of his lumpy (dehydrated) fluid and there was absolutely no taste of apple. I was slightly disappointed, I must confess. Anyway, I want to go to the shops now and buy some bacon etc to have a fry up. Nothing is ever as good as a home cooked one. Catch ya laters. M.

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