FDA Orders Recall of Thousands of Tainted Beefcakes

Washington – The Food and Drug Administration said today that it was ordering over 30,000 tainted beefcakes, or muscular, well-toned men, recalled, for fear they had been contaminated due to the way in which they were harvested. Reaction from the beefcake industry was swift.

“We harvest our beefcakes with the utmost care and concern for their well-being,” said Jim Evermore, a spokesman for the beefcake industry. “One beefcake comes down with the flu, and suddenly we’re careless breeders of unhealthy beefcakes. This is untrue to the point of being insulting. We care about each and every one of our beefcakes.”

Millions of women and gay men keep pictures of beefcakes in their rooms, lockers or in more clandestine places. The beefcakes that were recalled will undergo rigorous testing before to determine whether or not they can be re-released into the marketplace.