What is life like for a 30 year old virgin Mormon living in today's society? There is so much to share about my culture, my religion, and what it means to be an anxious white virgin.

Thursday, February 16, 2012

My Funny Valentine

Ok ok, I know I am a little late for Valentines Day. I have been in a sugar
induced coma for the last three days by means of conversation hearts. No no,
that's not true. I actually despise those things. And I have discovered
something worse than eating them...kissing someone who has recently eaten them.
I honestly don't know how they have lasted as long as they have, though I must
admit, the ones that have the dirty and/or inappropriate things etched on them
do make me smile inside.

Ah Valentines Day. Has there ever been another holiday in the history of our
humanity that has caused the exact opposite reaction than the one it was
originally intended for? Kinda ironic actually, a holiday all about love, that
in reality inspires so much hatred and ill-will. The mere mention of its name
to the wrong person and you are liable to get a first full of conversation
hearts shoved right in your proverbial mailbox. You know, like the kind you use
to make when you were a kid in grade school. I was a fan of the Robo-box
myself. The Valentines would go right in his mouth and drop into his waiting
belly. Genius.

An entire sub industry has emerged from the anti-Valentines movement. I was
at Walmart the other day and saw an whole section of merchandise devoted to the
hatred of Valentines and everything it represents. From tee-shirts riddled with
such catchy phrases as "Screw love" and "Love is for
suckers", to napkins with the initials S.A.D printed in bold letters, the
veritable cornucopia of rage seems never ending. For those of you who don't
know, S.A.D stands for Single Awareness Day. Poor Saint Valentine, he must be
rolling in his heart shaped grave. It's at times like these I find myself
joining in the inquiry of The Black Eyed Peas, cuz truly "people got me,
got me questioning, Where is the LOVE?"

I try to envision this kind of polarizing effect taking place on any other
holiday. Can you picture an entire isle at Walmart devoted to the pure hatred
of Christmas. Can you see it? Can you imagine Santa
roof toppers with a stake through his heart? Or, take it a step further, a
tee-shirt with the baby Jesus with one of those big Ghostbusters X's
proclaiming blatant distain? Even the most hardened of atheist out there might
find this just a tad much. In fact, it seems like we are perfectly content to
let people enjoy the myriad of other holidays, whether we personally ahead to
the specific ideology or not. Like St. Patrick’s Day; what’s all that about?
But even though I don't worship Patrick, I'm sure he did some pretty cool
stuff. I also very much enjoyed when I was a child and my mom use to put green
food coloring in my milk and sometimes, if she was feeling really ambitious, we
would awake to the enchantment of green Cream-O-Wheat for our celebratory
breakfast. And in all of my years, I have never noticed any tee-shirts emblazoned
with K.A.L.D.........Kick A Leprechaun Day........anyone? anyone? Just me? Ok.

Perhaps we have just lost the vision of what Valentines was really supposed
to be about. And maybe it is because we have perverted its true and pure
meaning that we find ourselves in the bitter war that has now become par for
the course. But maybe if we could just recapture the spirit of what Valentines
Day is really all about, we can again come together and enjoy it for what it
was originally intended to be.

A day to eat chocolate till you feel ill, and make inappropriate phrases out
of conversation hearts.