David tells how he legally added “Equality” to his name at the age of 40. “To me it was symbolic and something that I did to mark my 40th year on the planet – 40 years of inequality – and to remind myself that there is still work to be done. I believe that those who have inserted ‘Equality’ into their online profile names are also making it clear to others that victory in the battle for equal rights is still some way off. It opens conversation and debate too.”

We at 10,000 Couples first got to know David last fall when he shared news about the Equal Love Campaign in the UK – an effort to obtain a legal ruling that neither marriage nor civil partnership should be limited by a couple’s gender(s) or sexual orientation(s). Throughout 2011, David is contributing to 10,000 Couples, introducing us to the eight couples who have filed applications “in the European Court of Human Rights to overturn the twin bans on same-sex civil marriages and opposite-sex civil partnerships” (Peter Tatchell). See David’s first couple-profile here.

David is also author of the forthcoming book Never Blend In: The Legacy of Harvey Milk, featuring key voices from the LGBT community with the goal of inspiring and encouraging “those who may lack self-esteem or who question their validity” (NBI Associates website)

In fact, all that David does involves assisting people – any and all people – to live authentically, to no longer accept the judgments and limitations imposed on them by others, and to believe in themselves as valid individuals. To that end, he has recently undertaken two new endeavors: NBI Associates, an organization which empowers people to make personal and professional transformations, and the “Give ‘em Hope” video campaign on YouTube, which David himself explains in the video below.

In response to my question of whether NBI is specifically geared toward the LGBT community, David explained that he doesn’t find it useful to label people – that he believes

“the best approach, with regards to understanding our common human experience, is to be fully inclusive and to acknowledge that there are similarities in the way society can limit us all by the labels that are attached.” He went on to explain that “NBI is absolutely open to anyone wishing to look at where they are ‘stuck’ and why. It’s about understanding that our beliefs inform our choices and our behaviors.” David offers one-on-one coaching via Skype, email, or in person, to any individual who wants to move forward in life. NBI uses Cognitive Behavior and Performing Arts strategies and tailors workshops to meet the needs of individual, academic (both students and staff), and corporate clients.

School workshops cover such topics as Labeling, Self-Esteem, Confidence, Interdependence, and Goal Setting, as well as those designed specifically for Performing Arts students. Business workshops explore Change in the Workplace, Equality & Diversity, Owning Your Goals, Assertiveness at Work, Public Speaking, Giving & Receiving Feedback, Team-Building, and more. (See sidebar for descriptions of some of NBI’s Student workshops.)

David & Richard

David shares his life with his partner, Richard, whom he met when both were living in South East London. The couple has been together for seven years. Says David, “I think that we are incredibly well suited (and for the purpose of this article, Richard agrees!). We want the same things and have always managed to be strong and supportive when the other needs it. We have experienced the usual ups and downs that life sends, but the older or wiser one gets, [the more] one realizes that without the bad, the good has less value.”

David continues, “I admire and respect Richard more than anyone I’ve ever met. I think that we have been a good influence on each other. He teaches me not to stress out, and I teach him (he would say push) to take on new challenges. The Equal Love Campaign would not be something that Richard would have put himself forward for, but I know that he is secretly proud to be part of such an historic initiative.”

Richard has two adult children and a grandchild on the way. David feels blessed to be fully included in Richard’s family and proud to be a part of their lives. He states, “I love it when they come to me for support or advice; it’s like being a dad without having to have dealt with all the teething and dirty diapers!”

David sums up his and Richard’s relationship this way: “We’re just a ‘normal’ couple doing ‘normal’ things and trying to do the best we can to get by in life – we’re just as boring as the next couple!”

To which this author, having read much of the content on the various websites for David’s multiple ambitious, global-society-impacting, high-intensity, much-effort-requiring projects, responds with an “I’m not buying it” sort of smile: “Normal? Boring? Um, yeah… right!!”

“I can highly recommend David for his ethics, his talent, and his dedication to nurturing individuality and originality through his fine writing. David uses the gift of the written word to inspire leadership by preserving the memory of historical visionaries who dared to be different. His essays on Harvey Milk and his determination to “never blend” preserve an important man and time in history while encouraging all of us to realize that we all have the power to change history ourselves on a grass-roots level with community outreach and activism.” January 11, 2011

Joe Mannetti, Contract Clinician, Waterford Youth Services Bureau
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“I had the opportunity to work with David as part of his team in the performing arts department. During that time David had a great leadership styles that enable his staff to develop at their own pace, while maintaining a high standard for his team. His advice and support for CPD has been extremely beneficial which has resulting in me writing development programs. Furthermore, David’s passion on the subject of equality and diversity was very inspirational. With this in mind, I recommend David as a leader who can write about our unique experience’s in and outside the working environment. Hope to work with him in the near future.” September 18, 2010

“David Watters is a tireless advocate of social justice and engaging writing. Working with David on a community service project in San Francisco, with him in England, was a breeze, fun and highly effective. I recommend his services, charm and, most importantly, passion for any advocacy needing to be done.” August 21, 2010

Melton Cartes, Chief Ad Guy, AnAdGuy.com
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David’s work was outstanding. The depth of knowledge and accuracy was just what was required for the features he wrote for us.” August 21, 2010

Top qualities: Great Results, High Integrity, Creative

Andrew Howard,
hired DAVID EQUALITY as a Writer/Editor in 2009, and hired DAVID EQUALITY more than once

“David has a gift with words. His writing is eloquent and polished. The stories he writes are entertaining and well driven. His poetry is lyrical and full of emotion. David is simply a wonderful author that would be an asset to any English language publication.” August 10, 2010

GABRIEL ROMERO, President, LOVE & LIGHT INC.
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David Watters is a hard-working, tireless advocate for social justice and I recommend him highly in any capacity!” July 28, 2010

Lesléa Newman, Writer and Writing Consultant, Write from the Heart
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David writes excellent work dealing with coming out issues for LGBT college students. Having a good body of literature to draw from when coming and when dealing with LGBT issues while in college is essential; and helps break down the barriers between different communities.” July 28, 2010

Maria Mizz M York, Contributing Writer, Bi Social Network
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“DAVID WATTERS is not a relative, although I’d be proud to be in his family. David is a fine writer and passionate advocate, a man who boldly uses his intellect, wit and sense of fairness to every project he undertakes. If you are looking for the spark to ignite your plan, call DAVID WATTERS.” July 27, 2010

Willie Watters, attorney/author, attorney/author
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David is a person of unrivalled integrity, who has great passion for his art and for whom I have the greatest respect.” July 27, 2010

Matthew Kolakowski, Curriculum Leader, Greenwich Community College worked with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David is a rare individual. Someone with a cause but also someone who is pragmatic. He understands his area but also the way the world thinks and is not judgemental but someone who looks for a ‘win/win’. This is rare but is the measure of the man. I would heartily recommend him for his intelligence, people ability and pragmatism.” July 27, 2010

Gladeana McMahon, Director, Gladeana McMahon Associates
worked directly with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“I have worked with a myriad of Harvey Milk related researchers in recent years and I wish they were all as thorough and considerate as Mr. Watters. I trust him and his workmanship implicitly.

Dan Nicoletta” July 27, 2010

Daniel Nicoletta, owner, Photography by Daniel Nicoletta
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David is excellent with timelines, content and substance in all of his work. His thought-provoking articles have been a huge hit with our readership in Ambiente Magazine. We welcome Mr. Watters work as often as he can provide it!

Melissa Robinson, Credit Management, Qwest Communications Corp.
worked directly with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David is an extraordinary writer and freelance journalist. His work is always cutting-edge and his writing skills nearly flawless. His articles focus on the most urgent of human issues facing the planet and his attention to detail make his articles a very informative alternative source of news and important information. His perspective is unbiased and his work is always outstanding.” July 27, 2010

CQ Scafidi, Author, Time Logistics Couriers
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“Never Blend In: The Legacy of Harvey Milk by David Watters offers an innovative approach to a subject that has been taboo for such a long time. Dedicated to the cause, David aims to help clarify that equality is not about race and gender it’s about fairness and the freedom. It’s imperative that we are all treated alike and not individualised. David’s book explores the sometimes traumatic journeys others have taken and faced, their struggle to come to terms with not only themselves but, the prejudices they have endured along the way. It’s about survival and acceptance. A unique compilation of compelling stories. An awe inspiring piece of work. David’s writing is reaching out to all.” July 27, 2010

Julie Norton, Part Qualifiied Accountant, Unemployed and looking for work. was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

“David is very proactive. He contacted me about his new book ‘Never Blend In’ – told me about the book and I decided to do an interview with him. He quickly articulated interesting answers to the questions I put to him and his story made for a very intriguing article.

I have already approached David about working with him again in future as I strongly agree with the direction of his work.” July 27, 2010

Will Astbury, Editor/Director, Manchester Mouth
was with another company when working with DAVID EQUALITY at VARIOUS

PRAISE FOR…

NEVER BLEND IN: THE LEGACY OF HARVEY MILK

Stuart Milk, nephew of Harvey Milk and Equality Advocate, has said: “I love your work, which is vital to show the richness of embracing and celebrating our wonderful diversity. As Harvey would say, you’re bringing medicine into the world that the world needs! Thank you!”

I think that out of everyone in society LGBT people, especially LGBT youth, are subjected to most negative energy and the most negative portrayals of themselves and so it’s really important for us as a community to give back and to let people see that the sun can shine

“I have worked with a myriad of Harvey Milk related researchers in recent years and I wish they were all as thorough and considerate as Mr. Watters. I trust him and his workmanship implicitly. Dan Nicoletta”

July 27, 2010

Daniel Nicoletta , owner , Photography by Daniel Nicoletta

He (Harvey Milk) had great confidence in me; I really felt that the basic message was “you can do it”. He was a cheerleader first and then he would deconstruct content second. I think there was always this attention to helping somebody really feel that they can make their way. If you look at his speeches that’s there; there’s really this broad stroke that’s about positivity and confidence so you’re on the right path in terms of carrying on his work that way.

For me as a care professional, working in chem-dependency, to have any kind of guidebook that talks about self-esteem or how to keep people from committing suicide…I’m all for it. The few kids that have shown up that had suicide ideation, quite honestly, I didn’t have a template for what to tell them so I had to rely upon my intuition but I have no idea if I’m doing the right thing. I definitely feel that the therapeutic community, the psychological therapeutic community has a role to play in LGBT civil rights and I applaud you for doing this.

I was reading some of your pages on your website and I thought, “This is the antidote to my suicidal friend. If he could just read this, it would help him rephrase what he is defaulting to now.”

PETER TATCHELL

For young people coming to terms with their sexuality it’s really important that they have positive, high achieving role models as a way of boosting their self esteem and confidence. This kind of book shares the experience of a very diverse group of LGBT people. Individual and collective experience offers the inspiration and motivation for LGBT people to do something worthwhile with their lives and live their dream.

There are two ways you can approach not fitting in. If you get to see it as a blessing, feeling like an Outsider can eventually give you the freedom and license to create your own world, follow your own goals, and make your own reality. I’ve always thought it must be a lot harder for those who effortlessly belong – how much stronger the temptation to just blend in and be a non-questioning sheep! Yes, there is pain. Feelings of rejection, confusion, self-doubt. But think of those negatives in a positive light: you have the chance to acquire resilience, fortitude, understanding and the realization but you have one life to live, so you absolutely have the right to live it your way!

It’s no shame to get help and inspiration from others, which is why David Watters ‘Never Blend In’, is so timely.

STEPHEN FRY

At all times, but especially as an adolescent you need to be told “You are not alone” – there is no more positive and euphoric feeling than the discovery that others, including people of courage, genius, insight, passion, talent and charm felt the kind of feelings you feel. Especially when society, religion and the world tell you that those feelings are wrong.

I have to modify that with this point though: some people growing up LGBT will certainly want affirmation that they are not alone, but they will also (quite rightly IMHO) resist the idea that there is a “type” and that they fall into a categorisation. Such is the human paradox, yearning to assimilated and demanding to be treated as unique and apart. A part of the tribe and apart from the tribe. There are plenty of young LGBT people I know or have known who hate the idea of any sort of ghetto or connection with others. I’m Jewish and I’ll fight against anti-Semitism, but I’ll also raise issues about Israel’s violations of human rights and express my happy atheism and contempt for much of Judaism… It’s not a question of “hurrah, there’s a role model, now I know who I am and who my people are and where I belong in the world.”

ANTOINE SPITERI

Role models are described as those individuals who we ‘aspire to’ and who provide strong and achievable targets that we can emulate in pursuit of our career or personal aims. This book breaks down the common stereotypes of gay people and unveils a more realistic perspective, chronicling the success of many gay role models that others aspire to.

In “Never Blend In” David Watters has brought together a number of role models in one publication featuring successful gay artists, scientists and entrepreneurs, who share their experiences and take you on their journey. These are men and women with whom you can relate, whose stories will inspire and motivate you and leave you ready to move forward, both personally and professionally.

Be inspired by the successful members of the gay community; real men and women. Read about the challenges they faced along the way, what helped to keep them going, and what it takes to make a small business, a life, a success.

This book illustrates the breadth and creativity of gays everywhere. It is a pioneering work and the success stories of inspirational gay role models from a wide variety of backgrounds should be made available in every library, every school. These are men and women you can aspire to but who have all shown just what it takes to become a role model – determination, courage and an unwavering desire to succeed.

“Never Blend In” brings you some amazing candidates all of whom have succeeded in very different ways. They each have inspiring stories to tell about their achievements and future ambitions, yet I noticed they all had one thing in common they were passionate about what they did.

So in reality gays are still struggling for acceptance and to reach the top of the ladder. However, I think for the gay who enters the celebrity arena or who decides to do his/her own thing – they no longer have to do it at the expense of their happiness- they can do things on their own terms. For many it will provide them with the work/ life balance that wasn’t available for them in the past. It’s vital we have gays in big business and we need more gays to be there. I think companies need to realize they can’t operate without gays. But they do need to provide the very thing we all tend to take for granted – the basic right of being given the same opportunities and earning power as str8 men. We are mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, lovers, and friends. We are like you.

Anthony Spiteri, BS, MSc, PhD (Psychology)

DR JOHN R. SHAFER

The book NEVER BLEND IN is a provocative look into the lives of successful people who live in a world where the odds are stacked against us. It is important to give hope to the younger generation with diverse sexual orientations to see that we can be happy, healthy, and successful players in this game we call life. I hope by telling my story in this book, I can, in some small way, make life easier for those who march to the beat of a different drum. I am a rebel with a cause…you can either march with me, or step out of my way.

I am excited to order several copies of your book and share them with friends and family as gifts. I may try to use it with one of my classes that I teach at my college on the psychology of diversity.

Director of the Counseling Center and Professor at Franklin College of Indiana, President, Shafer Consulting Services

GLADEANNA MCMAHON

As one of the leading personal development and transformational coaches in the UK, Gladeana was instrumental in founding the Association for Coaching for which she now holds the positions of Life Fellow and Vice President.

The Book that David Watters is proposing is long overdue as there is little written on the topic of LGBT issues.

Positive role models are important to individuals whether they be LGBT individuals talking about their experiences or the family and friends of such individuals who can model acceptance and positive affirmation. Therapists are likely to be interested in such a book in a bid to understand the specific needs of those who identify as LGBT considering the best ways to work with such individuals and/or their families. Academics are likely to find the book useful in considering issues around diversity and, of course, the general public will also benefit as a book of this sort educates the reader. This book will also help LGBT individuals to understand their situation and consider how to develop a deep and meaningful sense of self-worth. It will also help such individuals understand how best to help those around them to understand their situation as much as it will educate family and friends.

HERB SOSA

NEVER BLEND IN, and the efforts of writer David Watters, is a brilliant collection and resource of openly LGBT and successful role models across the globe. The value to all, especially for the younger generation, is paramount. The presentation of individuals who are successful, determined, active and visible in our communities will undoubtedly inspire all who read this collection, to do better, become a better person, and strive for greatness in their lives and that of others.

The LGBT community has often been portrayed in a less than favorable light – NEVER BLEND IN rips that inaccurate veil off, and offers a face and portrait of today’s LGBT community, its leaders, history, accomplishments and potential.

“NEVER BLEND IN is a vital project that is sure to make a difference in many young (and not so young!) lives. As the author of HEATHER HAS TWO MOMMIES, I have seen firsthand how important it is for children to see a family like theirs portrayed in the media. It is just as important for teenagers and adults to see themselves represented in books, in film, and on TV.

By showcasing people who are out as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender and living authentic lives, David Watters is sending an important message to those struggling to come out and be out: You CAN be yourself and live a full, satisfying, meaningful, and glorious life.”–

“Never Blend In: The Legacy of Harvey Milk” is an important work that will inspire and lead at the same time. Harvey’s legacy to us is one of activism, “can do” spirit and honesty.

This project authored and edited by David Watters will help certainly reach out and touch a generation of young people who will be the ones to carry on his legacy by helping transform our perceptions of the LGBT community and lay the foundation for a healthy and whole sense of self.

…we are in the fight for our very lives. NEVER BLEND IN says that we are committed to living out in the open, as we have a right to do. NEVER BLEND IN, means never settle for second best or the notion that we are “second class citizens” I will NEVER blend in.

I always feel inspired by someone everyday. I think we should learn something new each day from anywhere or anyone. I’m inspired right now, by you, answering your intelligent questions Mr. David Watters. It’s not often I get to answer some great meaningful questions. So Bravo!!! MARCUS PATRICK

There’s plenty of times in this world where we can feel isolated and alone and anytime we can find a source of community, a feeling of being a part of something bigger than ourselves; that can provide tremendous inspiration and solace, then that’s invaluable.

In the world of “Lost Hope” for the youth of the World this book stands as a beacon of light that others have travelled the road before. “Be true to yourself” & “Never Blend In”.

JOEL FRAZIER, M.D.

“Never Blend In,” is so absolutely crucial to our very survival. For when we first discovered our difference, we believed we were alone. This is why statistically, gay teen suicide attempts are four times that of heterosexual youth, and for every completed suicide by a gay youth, there are between 100-200 attempts that are made by other gay teens. Astoundingly, one-third of ALL teenagers who commit suicide do so because they are gay. In America, we have had as many as 11 teenagers a day commit suicide due to their sexual orientation! “Never Blend In” provides a guiding light for all LGBT people (in fact, for all non-LGBT people as well) because it demonstrates that not only are you not alone, but that you too can rise to attain your most desired dreams. There is nothing and no one that can hold you back.

Harvey Milkpaved the way for us all to be able to be ourselves and to simultaneously provide a role model for others. Whether you are the parent, uncle, or cousin of a gay child, or friend of a gay adult, the stories presented here give a unique insight into the relationships we cherish. You do not need to be gay to be inspired by the lives of these amazing heroes, whose stories are told, often for the first and only time, in “Never Blend In.”

As a parent bringing up a straight and a gay child, I think one of our messages to our children was ‘be yourself’ in all things – think for yourself, dress for yourself, and don’t be afraid to stand up and be recognized for who you are or what you believe in. Never Blend In is all of these positive messages. IRENE MILLER

Never Blend In is about more than being gay, straight, or whatever orientation. It’s about the importance of building a life appropriate for you–the real you. Harvey Milk encouraged us to give EVERYONE hope, and this work does just that, showing people that they can live happily and well no matter WHO they are.

STEPHANIE SILBERSTEIN

I have always been separated from the rest…I have always forged my own path despite the obstacles of being different. The true leaders in all social realms are the individuals. These are the people who are not afraid of closed doors, untraveled paths, and at the end leaders into uncharted territory…Thank you for allowing us to tell our tale. I am and always have been comfortable in my own skin although I know it’s not a suit most would choose to wear…Thanks for giving me the forum to express that. Best of Luck to you…(I know you don’t need it)

LIZA FRIEDLANDER

NBI is likely to be encouraging to anyone who isn’t ‘normal’, with the vital message, Be Yourself – normality is at fault! “

CHRIS McCABE

Adolescence is an emotional minefield for any boy or girl. For gay teens, navigating that treacherous minefield can be especially challenging.

NEVER BLEND IN is a wildly valuable source of comfort, support and inspiration for young people at this most vulnerable time in their lives.

I applaud David Watters for providing a book that offers a valuable lesson to all young people, regardless of gender or sexual orientation: be comfortable in your own skin, make the most of your own unique assets and never fall for the trap that “being like everybody else” is better, smarter or easier.

I highly recommend NEVER BLEND IN: THE LEGACY OF HARVEY MILK.

SHELLY GOLDSTEIN

NEVER BLEND IN is a perfect title because as the book it requires you to surmise your own individual independent meaning. For me…To NOT be a follower…to think for yourself, and to be authentic and pure.

JAMES MICHAEL McCRACKEN

NEVER BLEND IN is a defiant title. It is almost like an elder’s advice – ‘Hey, Kid, Whatever you do & however you live remember – “Never Blend In!”‘. TUHIN CHATURVEDI

“DAVID WATTERS is not a relative, although I’d be proud to be in his family. David is a fine writer and passionate advocate, a man who boldly uses his intellect, wit and sense of fairness to every project he undertakes. If you are looking for the spark to ignite your plan, call DAVID WATTERS.” July 27, 2010

“David is a rare individual. Someone with a cause but also someone who is pragmatic. He understands his area but also the way the world thinks and is not judgemental but someone who looks for a ‘win/win’. This is rare but is the measure of the man. I would heartily recommend him for his intelligence, people ability and pragmatism.” July 27, 2010

“I have worked with a myriad of Harvey Milk related researchers in recent years and I wish they were all as thorough and considerate as Mr. Watters. I trust him and his workmanship implicitly. Dan Nicoletta” July 27, 2010

“Daid is excellent with timelines, content and substance in all of his work. His thought-provoking articles have been a huge hit with our readership in Ambiente Magazine. We welcome Mr. Watters work as often as he can provide it! Herb Sosa Editor In Chief Ambiente Magazine http://www.ambiente.us” July 27, 2010

“David is an extraordinary writer and freelance journalist. His work is always cutting-edge and his writing skills nearly flawless. His articles focus on the most urgent of human issues facing the planet and his attention to detail make his articles a very informative alternative source of news and important information. His perspective is unbiased and his work is always outstanding.” July 27, 2010

“Never Blend In: The Legacy of Harvey Milk by David Watters offers an innovative approach to a subject that has been taboo for such a long time. Dedicated to the cause, David aims to help clarify that equality is not about race and gender it’s about fairness and the freedom. It’s imperative that we are all treated alike and not individualised. David’s book explores the sometimes traumatic journeys others have taken and faced, their struggle to come to terms with not only themselves but, the prejudices they have endured along the way. It’s about survival and acceptance. A unique compilation of compelling stories. An awe inspiring piece of work. David’s writing is reaching out to all.” July 27, 2010

“David is very proactive. He contacted me about his new book ‘Never Blend In’ – told me about the book and I decided to do an interview with him. He quickly articulated interesting answers to the questions I put to him and his story made for a very intriguing article. I have already approached David about working with him again in future as I strongly agree with the direction of his work.” July 27, 2010

“David writes excellent work dealing with coming out issues for LGBT college students. Having a good body of literature to draw from when coming and when dealing with LGBT issues while in college is essential; and helps break down the barriers between different communities.” July 28, 2010

In what would have been Harvey Milk’s 80th year, a book celebrating his life and legacy is born.

Never Blend In: The Legacy of Harvey Milkby British writer David Watters, and with a foreword by Harvey’s nephew, Stuart Milk, is a unique collection of inspirational interviews with well known and everyday people who represent the great diversity within the LGBT Community.

I ask for the movement to continue, for the movement to grow, because last week I got a phone call from Altoona, Pennsylvania, and my election gave somebody else, one more person, hope. And after all, that’s what this is all about. It’s not about personal gain, not about ego, not about power — it’s about giving those young people out there in the Altoona, Pennsylvanias, hope.

You gotta give them hope.

HARVEY MILK, from a tape recording (1977 – 11 – 18)

When did you begin writing it? Do you have an exact competition date it?

The book has taken just over a year to research and write. I began in March 2009 and received such an overwhelming and positive response to the project, with an immediate reply from Stephen Fry, that I knew the vision had value.

I am finalising interviews now and hope to complete in the next few weeks.

WITH STUART MILK (2009)

Stuart Milk, nephew of Harvey Milk and equal rights advocate has said, “I love your work, which is vital to show the richness of embracing and celebrating our wonderful diversity. As Harvey would say, you’re bringing medicine into the world that the world needs! Thank you!”

How did it feel having the book endorsed by Stuart Milk?

Stuart Milk’s support for this project is a huge blessing. As an extremely active equal rights ambassador in his own right, Stuart has lent a greater credibility to my work and I would credit him with making many of my connections to interviewees possible.

What do you think that this book could do for young gay people?

Openly LGBT and successful role model figures can play an enormous part in highlighting the wealth of possibilities available to young people. These people, who are successfully modeling admirable qualities and character traits such as determination, diligence, vision and consistent effort, can only serve to inspire and encourage the younger generation, or anyone questioning their validity, to lead a balanced, fulfilling and dignified life.

The research, supported by PFLAG, The Trevor Project, FFLAG (UK), The Gay Police Association (GPA) and Schools OUT (UK), tackles the issue of teenage suicide and the disenfranchisement often felt by LGBT youth.

Role models from education, entertainment, law enforcement, medical and emergency services, politics, religion and sports have participated in this accessible and much needed discourse to illuminate the reader’s journey of self-discovery and self- efficacy.

You have some big names on the front cover? Who have you interviewed for the book?

We, as a community, are under or misrepresented in the media and this impacts upon how individuals are perceived and treated by society. Positive, inspirational role models from the LGBT community can have an enormous impact on addressing this and can give hope to individuals who feel less valid and disenfranchised from society.

Any favourites or top moments?

Top moments are difficult to narrow down but I guess that meeting Stuart Milk counts as one of these. I won’t gush on about Stuart as he might read this but he is a personal inspiration to me and a model of someone who lives authentically and with empathy for others.

Of course, having an email from Stephen Fry was pretty mind blowing. I still watch QI and get all excited, thinking, “He’s in my book!”

STALKING ALAN CUMMING

My interview with Alan Cumming was hysterical; he was driving back from Washington to New York and kept getting lost, asking directions from unhelpful people and pointing out various landmarks to his husband, Grant.

Most inspiring have been the “regular” people who live with authenticity and, perhaps without realizing, are role models and inspiring figures to those whose lives they touch.

What made you come up with the idea for this book?

Why did you decide on this particular title?

We can be part of society without blending in. To me it means living with 100% authenticity (as Dr Phil might say!). We shouldn’t compromise our identity to be accepted and everyone regardless of sexuality or gender identity has a right to fully live.

The “community” if such a thing exists is diverse but too many live in the shadows. My point, with this book, is that self worth determines our potential and that blending in is a direct result of feeling “less than”, feeling ashamed of how God (whatever that means to you) made you”.

Harvey Milk’s legacy, I believe, is the growing number of proud LGBT individuals who refuse to live lives limited by the judgment of others.

Life need not be a self-fulfilling prophecy and by recognizing that our “truth” has been shaped through our relationships, our environment and our experiences, we can begin to change our perceptions, heighten our self-esteem and move toward our personal and professional goals with clear vision and purpose….

What have you learnt from conducting the interviews and writing the book?

I have learned so much about myself from conducting this research.

As a young child and into my late teens, I was introverted and found it difficult to connect with people my own age. I felt different to my peers; I couldn’t relate or blend in and subconsciously, and this is only in retrospect, I didn’t want to blend in.

My “truth” was that I was a little bit weird and, as a teenager especially, that wasn’t a great thing to be. I was bullied in high school and mocked by two particular teachers at a time when my parents had separated and my sexuality was beginning to become evident.

Self doubt had an extremely detrimental effect on my development; I naively believed negative feedback and took it to be accurate without questioning the motives or hidden agenda behind the comments.

It is only with hindsight that I can see how my poor self image led me to set myself limited goals and how different my life might have been had I known.

So you see, because of my low self image I habitually criticised and doubted myself, believing that what others had told me about myself was true and then limiting my expectations of life; I subconsciously created the negative outcomes that I felt were deserved.

My past conditioning, that I was no-good, meant that I truly believed that I was not worthy of the things that I desired and it was only after many years that I began to change this perception, heighten my self-esteem and move toward personal and professional goals with a better, more positive outlook.

Many of those interviewed in the book have shared this experience and have told me how they found a pathway toward improved self-concept and the elimination of self-imposed limitations and dependence on others to provide validity.

Our BELIEFS inform our THOUGHTS, which in turn inform our CHOICES

David Watters is a teacher, personal tutor, freelance writer, who regularly writes for www.ambiente.us and founding member of NBI ASSOCIATES & Tech Queens.

David has worked internationally as both a singer and director for more than 20 years and has taught drama and music within socially and culturally diverse settings.

Since graduating from The Institute of Education, University of London, David has gone on to train with LEAP, as a mediator, and is a qualified facilitator for The Pacific Institute.

NBI Associates are personal and cultural development specialists who devise and deliver tailor-made training and transformational team building programs. We provide individuals and organizations with the tools to achieve meaningful and lasting change.

We pride ourselves on our innovative and creative approach to resolving conflict and negotiating change through the development of individual and team identity.

The NBI Programs are an engaging, enjoyable, interactive and effective means to personal, professional AND organizational GROWTH and TRANSFORMATION.

Participants explore the origin of BELIEFS, challenge their accuracy, redefine those which create limiting THOUGHTS and learn strategies to make CHOICES to say and do only those things which bring themselves and others closer to emotional, intellectual and spiritual fulfillment.

We are able to quickly assess and act upon the needs of each client, in line with current professional and educational practice, and deliver cost and time effective strategies and solutions which meet their specific measurable targets.

The beneficial impact of NBI is far reaching and profound in that, when individual self-concept is improved and collective habits, attitudes, beliefs and expectations are understood, organizational potential is enhanced on every level.

More information on the book and the author’s NBI Program can be found here:

Like this:

We can be part of society without blending in. To me it means living with 100% authenticty (as Dr Phil might say!). We shouldn’t compromise our identity to be accepted but everyone regardless of sexuality or gender identity has a right to fully live.

The community if such a thing exists is diverse but too many live in the shadows. My point is that self worth determines our potential and that blending in is a direct result of feeling “less than”, feeling ashamed of how God (whatever that means to you) made you.

Our BELIEFS inform our THOUGHTS, which in turn inform our CHOICES

Life need not be a self-fulfilling prophecy and by recognising that our “truth” has been shaped through our relationships, our environment and our experiences, we can begin to change our perceptions, heighten our self-esteem and move toward our personal and professional goals with clear vision and purpose….

As a parent bringing up a straight and a gay child, I think one of our messages to our children was ‘be yourself’ in all things – think for yourself, dress for yourself, and don’t be afraid to stand up and be recognized for who you are or what you believe in. Never Blend In is all of these positive messages.

IRENE MILLER

…we are in the fight for our very lives. NEVER BLEND IN says that we are committed to living out in the open, as we have a right to do. NEVER BLEND IN, means never settle for second best or the notion that we are “second class citizens” I will NEVER blend in.

SIMONE CAMPBELL

We all have to carve out our own paths in the world. We can’t follow another person’s path, and contrary to opinion, we can’t wear someone else’s shoes. We have our destiny and ours alone to shape and control. While I am straight, I have friends that are not, and I want them to have the opportunity to carve their own paths and wear their own shoes without being ashamed, shamed, or abused. I want them to be able to live in the world with the same rights as myself. I hope your book makes a small step in the direction of that world. I think it will.

HANNAH WHISENANT

Never Blend In is about more than being gay, straight, or whatever orientation. It’s about the importance of building a life appropriate for you–the real you. Harvey Milk encouraged us to give EVERYONE hope, and this work does just that, showing people that they can live happily and well no matter WHO they are.

STEPHANIE SILBERSTEIN

Bless you
I do not think I could blend in for anything. I know I love it, not all do, but I do

MARY SAN MIGUEL KRAUS

David,
I have always been separated from the rest..I have always forged my own path despite the obstacles of being different. The true leaders in all social realms are the individuals. These are the people who are not afraid of closed doors, untraveled paths, and at the end leaders into uncharted territory..Thank you for allowing us to tell our tale. I am and always have been comfortable in my own skin although I know it’s not a suit most would choose to wear..Thanks for giving me the forum to express that. Best of Luck to you…(I know you don’t need it)

LIZA FRIEDLANDER

NBI is likely to be encouraging to anyone who isn’t ‘normal’, with the vital message, Be Youself – normality is at fault! “:o)

CHRIS McCABE

Adolescence is an emotional minefield for any boy or girl. For gay teens, navigating that treacherous minefield can be especially challenging.
NEVER BLEND IN is a wildly valuable source of comfort, support and inspiration for young people at this most vulnerable time in their lives. I applaud David Watters for providing a book that offers a valuable lesson to all young people, regardless of gender or sexual orientation: be comfortable in your own skin, make the most of your own unique assets and never fall for the trap that “being like everybody else” is better, smarter or easier.

I highly recommend NEVER BLEND IN: THE LEGACY OF HARVEY MILK.

SHELLY GOLDSTEIN

NEVER BLEND IN is a perfect title because as the book it requires you to surmise your own individual independent meaning. For me..To NOT be a follower…to think for yourself, and to be authentic and pure.

JAMES MICHAEL McCRACKEN

NEVER BLEND IN is not a negative title, it is a defiant title. It is almost like an elder’s advice – ‘Hey, Kid, Whatever you do & however you live remember – “Never Blend In!”‘.

TUHIN CHATURVEDI

In the world of “Lost Hope” for the youth of the World this book stands as a beacon of light that others have traveled the road before. “Be true to yourself” & “Never Blend In”.

JOEL FRAZIER, M.D.

Blending in is compromising in all areas of who we are, whether it’s sexuality or not.

SALLY LINDA RUSSELL

I always feel inspired by someone everyday. I think we should learn something new each day from anywhere or anyone.I’m inspired, right now, by you; answering your intelligent questions Mr. David Watters. It’s not often I get to answer some great meaningful questions. Often it’s always about sex or training. So Bravo!!!

MARCUS PATRICK

“Never Blend In,” is so absolutely crucial to our very survival. For when we first discovered our difference, we believed we were alone. This is why statistically, gay teen suicide attempts are four times that of heterosexual youth, and for every completed suicide by a gay youth, there are between 100-200 attempts that are made by other gay teens. Astoundingly, one-third of ALL teenagers who commit suicide do so because they are gay. In America, we have had as many as 11 teenagers a day commit suicide due to their sexual orientation! “Never Blend In” provides a guiding light for all LGBT people (in fact, for all non-LGBT people as well) because it demonstrates that not only are you not alone, but that you too can rise to attain your most desired dreams. There is nothing and no one that can hold you back. Harvey Milkpaved the way for us all to be able to be ourselves and to simultaneously provide a role model for others. Whether you are the parent, uncle, or cousin of a gay child, or friend of a gay adult, the stories presented here give a unique insight into the relationships we cherish. You do not need to be gay to be inspired by the lives of these amazing heroes, whose stories are told, often for the first and only time, in “Never Blend In.”