How to spot a good-time gal.

There are two types of girls as far as men are concerned – those you’re happy to just screw around with and those you’re willing to commit to, (I hate to say marry as so many men are now anti-marriage, and unfortunately for many good reasons). Women in the first category are the ones that you’re happy to rock up to a drunken frat party with. Maybe she’ll be leaving with you at the end of the night, but maybe she won’t. And it won’t really matter that much either which goes for her just as much as you.

They used to call these women “good-time gals” back in the day. They are often a lot of fun which is why bringing them to a frat party is a move with lots of upside. As far as looks go they usually range from a 6 up to a good 8 but they can go much higher than that. Much, much higher. Good-time gals are not necessarily sluts. There is a wide range of behaviors that fall into this category but the common factor that they share is the fact that committing to them is a mistake. Think of Amber Heard who Johnny Depp made the dreadful mistake of marrying.

Unfortunately many men are prone to making the error of confusing a good-time gal with a woman of marriageable quality. So it helps to have some sort of way of identifying these types of women. Fortunately for us, nature has a habit of marking its dangerous creatures with varying warning signs and behaviors and these women are no different. I am going to give you an example of one of each.

A very clear sign that a woman is not to be considered for a serious relationship is the fact that she has a tattoo on her body. This one is a slam-dunk no-brainer, and I’m sure that many of you already know this. They do call them ‘tramp-stamps’ for a reason. Now perhaps you’ll meet a nice woman who has a tattoo that she got many years ago and on asking her about it she breaks down and confesses that it was just a stupid mistake and it happened many years ago and she really regrets it and please don’t judge her blah blah blah.

The inexperienced suitor might be swayed by this argument. But my response is, how many other stupid mistakes has she made that aren’t so visibly evident? And how prone will she be in the future to making more silly mistakes of the same nature? The doubt caused by these uncomfortable questions places her firmly in the camp of ‘do not commit to’. There are plenty of women out there. Why go for one who is prone to fucking up her life when you can choose one who doesn’t have this affliction? Sounds pretty clear cut to me.

Piercings are almost as bad but they can be removed and the evidence goes away. However, if you meet a girl with her tongue pierced, keep in mind that while you’re most probably going to have the best sex of your life she is firmly in the camp of good-time gal.

The next identifying feature may surprise some of you but it is a sure-fire lock nonetheless. A woman who uses bad language is not of marriageable quality. You want to marry a lady. You don’t take ladies to frat parties, you take them to meet important clients or foreign dignitaries. And a lady does not cuss. She has standards and she holds to them. It’s not an either/or proposition – either you have standards or you don’t. A woman who swears is either crass or she’s trying to be one of the guys. When you think about it, why would you want to commit to either one of those?

Can women reform themselves from earlier poor behaviors? It is possible but whether she will lapse is another question. Popular culture is adorned with this story. Think Pygmalion, My Fair Lady, and Pretty Woman. The last one is particularly ridiculous. Anyone who thinks that Richard Gere’s character would have married a street-walking prostitute is simply off their rocker. Women however, love this story as it appeals to their nature of being able to have a bet both ways.

I am sure that there are other markers, (we could comment on feminists propensity to color their hair blue but feminists are obviously identifiable so it doesn’t really count). But these two are as good as they get. The trend of the last ten years of tattoos becoming fashionable has only helped men to pick their careful way down the suitor’s path.

Another one: women who change their hair color often. Not those who try to hold of the grey, but those who sport at least two different hair colors in any given calendar year. They’re prone to this “new year, new me” crap and will discard a marriage nearly as quickly as dyeing product.