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Thanks to the recent Kavanaugh event, we have added more fuel onto the already spreading wildfire of outrage—a fierce call igniting within each of us an opportunity to look at how we perceive women’s bodies and sexual rights, along with the larger issue of human dignity.

This is an unprecedented time when the full spectrum of change and possibility is alive for each of us. Some of us are the rising storm itself, while some of us are the storm-riders, attempting to make sense of how we feel and how we can affect change in the climate of overwhelm and confusion. Thankfully, there are stages to this storm that we can map out and use to our advantage.

Three Stages of Transformational Storms

Stage One: Turning Righteous Anger into Sacred Anger

Before we get creative, we must feel what we feel or risk numbing out, or worse, deepening our own trauma and pain. Anger is a good sign. It means we are no longer willing to be frozen and numb. It means we are waking up to all the ways in which our own sovereignty as individuals has been overridden and disrespected.

The only trap to look out for is that of feeling righteous in our anger—where our own experience is viewed as more important than that of others, and where we, in turn, disrespect others through how we react to our challenges. This kind of anger can feel good after feeling helpless, and as it gathers momentum and power, it can move through a greater and greater number of us. Yet this kind of anger, like a wildfire, seeks only to obliterate whatever is in its way, no matter what the cost.

This is where sacred anger comes in—the clear, focused anger that’s the cornerstone of catalyzing a transformational and effective end result. When we harness the intensity of our rage with lucid clarity, mobilizing ourselves and others to create the change we believe is needed, we become powerful change agents.

So yes to our collective anger, and rather than wasting it through emulating the behavior of those who enrage us, we have the opportunity to rise together in sacred anger—a force more powerful than imaginable. It’s in service to the common good of everyone: one in which our sovereignty is seen, respected and heard.

Are you willing to let yourself feel anger and focus it into sacred anger?

Stage Two: Moving from Assumptions to Clarity

Rather than throwing tantrums kindled through assumptive reactions, we must put our genius to work and attain clarity. It enables us to create lasting change in which the choices of each individual within the greater collective are upheld and considered. We are not a one-size-fits-all world.

Assumptions can only take us so far, often at a great cost. By allowing ourselves to integrate our feelings with our capacity to use our intellect, we start to engage in the clarity needed for us to move forward with integrity.

This includes recognizing the essence of human dignity: that only WE can be the true authority of our own choices. We’re not children needing mother and father to patronize us into proper behavior.

Up until now, we have put conditions on our healing and reclamation, deferring our power to an external authority. Yet both the #MeToo movement and the recent Kavanaugh hearing have clearly shown that although conditions are not what we’d like them to be, we no longer buy into the idea that those conditions pre-determine the trajectory of our own lives. In other words, the full reclamation of our power isn’t dependent on any conditions, including the ones we are currently facing.

Are you willing to get curious, letting go of assumptions, to have a deeper look at issues through the lens of your own sovereignty?

Stage Three: Creative Action

Structures help us function better, however, when they shift towards tyranny, it’s natural to be ignited with sacred anger—anger that arises from noticing injustice and offering forward-moving solutions. It’s time for a structural upgrade.

As we address many large issues that impact humanity, and we work together to improve the conditions for all people, we are realizing that we cannot leave behind the issues that surround our body and sexuality. The dissolution of existing paradigms about sexuality makes the idea of sexual sovereignty an important one to consider.

Sexual sovereignty is a new possibility, one that will be fleshed out not by the few, but by the many. What would it look like to live in a world where each of us feels safe to be in our body, we enjoy our body, and we naturally take on the responsibilities of being a sexual being?

Establishing the profound respect for oneself naturally allows this same respect to flow outwardly to others. No longer can we stand for slavery, serfdom, the sex trade, and all manners of outdated ways in which we treat each other’s body and sexuality.

Kavanaugh’s recent rise to the Supreme Court need not predetermine the outcome for all American women. This is a unique opportunity to laser-focus the fire in our belly to moves into right action and to co-create a world where sexual sovereignty is established as a true human birthright.

Now’s the time to come deeper into our body, to let the rage flow through, leaving us crystal clear that what we stand for does matter and is worthy of our continued attention. We are setting a precedent for the future generations, one in which, against all odds, we come together in common purpose for the good of everyone. One in which we stand so fully in our power that we no longer regard men as our enemy, but are finally willing to invite them to stand with us as our allies.

Our sexuality isn’t a commodity, a weapon, a thing to be used. It is who we are. By learning to heal ourselves of our traumas and wounds, by taking a stand to fully abide in ourselves, by using our voices, sharing our stories, we become the change we desire and we open the invitation for others to do the same.

It is time for each of us to heal, to speak, and to contribute to creating more of what we’d love in the world. What is one thing you can do today to take creative action towards what you’d love?

To discover more about the impact of desire, explore Dr. Saida Désilets’ newest book, Desire: DesireTheBook.com

In the light of world events, a lawsuit about jade eggs may seem rather contrite and of little importance. However, when we look a little deeper, a greater issue is revealed: the abject disrespect for women’s erotic intelligence.

As the founder of the modern Jade Egg movement and creatrix of a powerful psycho-sexual method, I’m not at all surprised by the recent lawsuit against Goop. For years I’ve been speaking up against the outrageous claims made about the Jade Egg, taking a stand for the fact that it’s the woman herself that creates her transformation, not the Jade/Yoni egg.

This fact was revealed while during the research for my dissertation—the functional model (do a certain technique with the Jade Egg and get a particular result) was only 1/2 the answer. The more important part of the equation was being left out: the deeper meaning and purpose of our sexuality.

Every time we make promises based on a technique or a thing, we disrespect a woman’s inherent erotic intelligence. We actually propagate her social conditioning, anchoring further that we are not enough as we are, broken and in need of fixing, and must have the guidance of a expert to activate our sexual powers.

Sadly, this industry is profiting from women’s pain and insecurity. And the only solution to this is for women to claim their sexual sovereignty and for professionals to treat them as such.

Jade eggs are not sex toys or gym equipment. We can use them that way, but we won’t get what we are really looking for: ourselves and a confident relationship with our sexuality.

A woman’s body and psycho-sexual health is not something to joke about or to treat like a commodity.

I realize we live in a culture that likes the quick fix, but when it comes to our sexuality, we deserve to invest time and energy in learning high quality education, steering away from wild claims.

There isn’t a quick fix or a pill that will solve our deeper healing. Each one of us has our own journey, one that deserves our high standards and due diligence.

Maybe this incident with Goop will encourage us all to rethink our approach to this practice, and more importantly, how we treat women’s erotic intelligence.

As Western women, we have the power to choose. But so many women – too many women – are choosing not to choose.

They’re bored, overwhelmed or numbed out. They’re moving through life on auto-pilot, favoring safety over freedom. They’re behaving like they don’t matter; like their voices don’t matter; like their choices don’t have an impact.

That’s what cracked my heart open today: realizing the impact of free women who are NOT choosing their sovereignty every day.

There are women in other parts of the world who get stoned, shot at, ostracized or beaten for getting caught doing something as innocent as learning the ABC’s. Their hunger to learn how to read and write is never satiated. They’re made wrong for their desires. They don’t have the freedom to choose what they want.

As Western women, we have the privilege of choice. We have the freedom to learn how to read and write; to love who we love; to travel wherever we wish without a male escort; to wear what we desire; to start our own business or family when we want, if we want to; to do what we want when we want.

Yet there is another set of ABC’s that are killing us. These ABC’s aren’t the ones Malala got shot at by the Taliban for. But they carry their own dangers for us Western Women.

What are the ABC’s I’m referring to?

A = Apathy

B = Brokenness

C = Criticism

APATHY

If we’re not choosing, we’re choosing apathy.

Sure, apathy blocks out the poverty, inequality, abuse and tragedies of the world. But it also suppresses our deep caring and ability to heal. It builds a wall around our own genius so we can never fully access, let alone share, our gifts with the world.

Apathy deadens our senses, our capacity to feel pleasure and desire. We end up as empty shells, moving through life on auto-pilot, choosing safety and apathy over freedom and desire.

Apathy is a cop-out. It’s a way of avoiding the power and privilege that we Western Women have. The biggest danger of apathy is that it kills us before we’re even dead.

BROKENNESS

So many women – too many women – make the mistake of believing they are broken. They buy into the cultural training that they shouldn’t age, they shouldn’t gain weight, that they are too much or not enough, and that at their core, they are bad and wrong.

Women then spend their money on anti-aging products and practices; they invest their energy in diets, exercise regimes and trainings with authorities who supposedly know more than they do on how they should be and what they should do to be a “good” woman.

It is so sad to me that this culture of free women gives away our power to try and fix ourselves.

But the truth is, the more you think you’re anything less than perfect, the more you are wasting your life.

You are not broken. Quit trying to fix yourself.

CRITICISM

Take a moment to consider what your internal dialogue has sounded like over the last few hours.

Did you hear an inner voice saying things like, “I’m so beautiful!” And, “Oh, that croissant was so delicious. I’m so glad I chose to have it with extra butter.” And, “I did such a great job with that presentation. I showed up with confidence and handled their concerns brilliantly.”

Chances are, if you’re like the tens of thousands of women I’ve talked with over the years, your inner voice isn’t that kind. Instead, you may have heard an inner voice making comments like, “Oh my gosh! Is that another age spot?” And, “I can’t believe I ate that croissant. And with extra butter? I’m such a pig.” And, “What are they thinking of me now? I can’t believe I made that mistake with my presentation. I really messed that up.”

We as Western Women kill ourselves with criticism. With comparing ourselves to others and their expectations and judgments of us. We get so lost in the stories our inner unkind voice tells us that we lose sight of what is really important and what really matters to us.

How can you show up and be the greatness you truly are when you’re cutting yourself down with criticism?

‘Cause the truth is, you are great.

You are born to step into your greatness alongside all other great beings.

But if you keep letting Apathy, Brokenness and Criticism be your rulers, you will never know the power and possibilities of your sovereignty. You will never know the joy and pleasure of your freedom.

That’s why I invite you… I DARE you… to ditch those ABC’s and choose another, more empowering set of ABC’s that will change everything. These are the building blocks to a whole different way of living.

The ABCs that will set you free:

A = AWAKEN

B = (EM)BODY

C = CHOOSE

AWAKEN

The freedom that we have as Western Women comes with a responsibility: to awaken to our privilege and USE IT to create the kind of world we desire to live in.

Responsibility does NOT mean obligation, being a martyr, or getting hooked on some savior complex. What it DOES mean is taking responsibility for yourself and your gifts and using them to create more for yourself and for everyone.

Many women make the mistake, too, of thinking that when they awaken they will be overwhelmed with the pain of this world; they will feel all the needs and tugs for their attention; they will drown in the sea of sorrow and burn with rage. Dear one, I get it. Believe me, I really do.

It can be challenging to feel it all, to be with all the pain of this world. Yet you don’t have to remain in the pain or drown in it. Allow it all to crack your heart open to more of your caring, to the depths and beauty of our humanity, and ultimately, to the depth and breadth of your own extraordinariness.

Apathy is living in black and white. Awakening is living in technicolor. What do you really desire?

We can NOT afford to fall asleep. We can NOT afford the costs of apathy.

We also can NOT wait for someone – anyone – else to give us permission to awaken to our power and privileges.

Do not wait for your spouse, your partner, your father, your mother, your governor, or your president to give you permission to awaken from the domestication and trance that we’ve been trained to live by all our lives.

That day, and that permission, will never come. And even if it does, it is worthless until YOU give YOURSELF permission to awaken fully to your daring, desiring self.

No more waiting. It’s time to give yourself permission to AWAKEN.

(EM)BODY

When you embody, you come home to yourself. You stop believing you are broken and need fixing. You inhabit your sovereign ground and claim your right to be here.

How can you ever create what you desire if you’re not embodying your beautiful self and your life?

How can the world show up for you when you’re not showing up for yourself?

You’re either embodying or you’re abandoning yourself. Which will it be?

We need you in your body, loving your body and expressing all the truth and wisdom that lives inside. That is what will change the world.

So many women do not have the capacity to choose. They run the risk of getting killed or imprisoned if they choose to love someone of the same gender or get educated or leave the house without covering their head (let alone their entire body).

Now, I know there are parents out there who say to their children, “Eat what’s on your plate! There are children in Africa who are starving.” They use this truth as a manipulation, a bit of a guilt-trip to get their kids to finish their peas and carrots.

I’m coming from a different place with this; not as a manipulation or a guilt-trip, but rather, a call to action.

Your choices matter.

When you exercise your freedom and CHOOSE to awaken, to embody, and to choose, you take your power back. And when we all stand in our sovereignty, we stand in solidarity with all sisters (and brothers) who don’t have the same privileges we do.This has more impact and momentum than we may ever truly know.

Now is the time, more than ever, to choose what you desire. To stand up for the causes you care about. To show up for yourself and what matters most to you.

If you are with me…

If you’re ready to ditch the ABC’s that are killing you and choose the ABC’s that will set you free, engage with me. Let me hear your voice by posting a comment below. What are you daring to choose today? Join The Daring Project, it’s free for 30-days! Click here to join.

From this perspective, impeccability creates a clear presence, one that is not weighed down by the burden of maintaining lies or hurtful thoughts about oneself or others.

It allows for clarity of mind, heart and body, where you are free to feel the fullness of your undomesticated erotic genius without having to act out in any particular or pre-determined way.

This allows us to by-pass socially pressured or endorsed (enforced) ways of being a sexual creature such as “all flirting leadings to sex”, “all touch indicates desire for sex”, and “all sexual delights” infers to “please take me now.”

These rather clumsy and juvenile ways of expressing our sexual selves also leads to behaviors that are out of integrity with oneself.

How is it that to be ‘sexually liberated’ we must actually be able to have sex with whomever-whenever? Since when is that an act of liberation?

Then add into the mix alcohol and recreational substances and you have a potent combo of neurotic, shallow and unsatisfying sex.

In fact, in some groups, if a woman’s vagina isn’t readily available to everyone she is considered sexually repressed.

That’s where sexual liberation is actually a facade for sexual ignorance.

It is where we lose sight of the opportunity to feel into the scintillating aliveness that is pulsing between two people.

Why not play and enjoy this sexual tension?

What’s the rush to resolve this tension all about?

What are we afraid of if we don’t ‘take things all the way’?

Impeccability is sexy, deeply so.

It allows all of you to meet all of me.

We can be vulnerable together, open and pure in our dance, free of goals or even the need to control the outcome.

We can enjoy the exquisite unfolding of something utterly profound and magical, without ever having to take our clothes off.

Don’t get me wrong, I love skin to skin connection with the person I choose, I love, I respect and I’m willing to see and be seen by.

But I’m not talking about deep lovemaking or wild, abandoned Eros (although it is included in this discussion).

What I’m speaking of is revolutionary: it is unbridled, pure, erotic innocence leading the way.

Not innocence with ignorance.

But innocence with integrated consciousness.

In other words, innocence with impeccability.

This is where we meet, outside of social pressures, outside of our conditioning, outside of predetermined social constructs… where pure creativity leads the way.

Where even just a breath sends ripples of delight into all the curves and valleys of our being.

Without impeccability, we are left playing with projections and insecurities, becoming beggars in the equation.

Yet… we are all gourmet.

All born into this birthright and responsibility.

How amazing that it gets to be one that is capable of creating tremendously beautiful experiences of profound pleasure along with unshakable integrity.

If delighting in the creative nature of your erotic innocence in combination with being impeccable is something you’d love to learn more about, you may want to start with my book: Emergence of the Sensual Woman.

As always, I would love to hear directly from you. What did you find challenging about this article? Was there anything that inspired you? How do you treat yourself or others, especially with regards to sexuality? Let me know in the comment section below.

https://saidadesilets.com/wp-content/uploads/blog_TSR_088_031.jpg270710Saida Desiletshttps://saidadesilets.com/wp-content/uploads/hdr_SAIDA_lite_22.pngSaida Desilets2015-09-17 14:54:572015-12-09 17:33:58Why Impeccability Is The New Sexy

Are Vaginal Apps & The “Skea” Video Game The Future?

As a lover of all things that bring women more pleasure, self-love, and a renewed passion for life, I’m always curious about new fads and tools for sexual empowerment.

There are two new emerging trends have grabbed my attention: the kGoal & the Skea video game.

The kGoal is a small device that a woman inserts in her vagina in order to train her PC muscle (aka the sex muscle). It is linked to her iPhone through an APP that let’s her know how well she is doing while also tracking her progress as the weeks and months go by.

The Skea video game is similar to the kGoal, only it interfaces with a video game called “Alice in Continent” (pardon me?!).

Now upon first look, these ideas are rather exciting! More funky APPs to make our lives more efficient while encouraging us to get much needed exercise for our pelvic floor.

But this is where the magic ends for me.

First of all, this reeks of a purely functional approach to our sexuality, leaving out the essential deeper meaning or purpose of having an erotic nature.

Whenever we do this, we instantly transform our vibrant sensual/sexual self into a commodity or currency.

This degrades our erotic intelligence and moves us further and further away from cultivating our erotic genius—literally alienating ourselves from ourselves.

Secondly, these devices covertly create yet another standard that a woman has to live up to. We are already bombarded with having the “right size & shape” of breasts, waists, hips, thighs, and yes, even labia!

Add to the mix the fact that we have to constantly contend with how much sex is the ‘sexy’ amount to have while juggling all the various styles and combinations of sex a ‘sexually liberated’ woman “should be” versed in.

Never mind that we simultaneously must maintain the success of our careers, families, and friendships.

This leaves us with a massive ‘to do’ list inclusive of “sexy dates” to insure we actually get to do whatever latest and greatest exercise we must do in order to stay with the latest pleasure trends.

Exhausting… and not very sexy.

My biggest pet peeve, however, is with the overtly intellectual and functional approach to female sexuality.

Singular focus on excessively toning one group of muscles (like the PC muscle) can result in the too much pelvic tension which can lead to forming scar tissue or pinching vital ‘pleasure nerves’.

As much as I’d love to celebrate kGoal & the Skea video game as a way to inspire women to take more care of their sensual selves, I fear that it is yet another burden and incomplete program that will leave women frustrated and possibly even anorgasmic!

The inventors of these modern ‘feminine’ devices obviously have great intention, but unfortunately reveal their limited understanding of the complex and profound nature of female sexuality.

As women, the journey to claiming our full sensual/sexual self is precarious and loaded with dogma, memes, and commercialized propaganda.

And although it is essential that we care for our beautiful bodies and sexual organs, doing so at the cost of losing our own intimate connection with ourselves is too high a price to pay.

It’s my desire that we step out of this insipid and limited viewpoint on female sexuality and enter a more profound and inspired relationship with ourselves.

Through regarding our body as an erotically intelligent creature who loves to exercise as well as to deeply melt open and surrender to the beauty of life, we recognize that our sexual self isn’t just another currency to trade with, but a profoundly alive ‘sexual being’.