Compliments & All Things Random

I can’t even think of a post title at the moment (don’t worry, there will be one by the time this goes up). I’m a little frazzled with all the love and support that I have gotten in the past 36 or so hours. You guys are amazing! I have been getting emails from people who have either struggled personally or know someone who is struggling with addiction and it’s a pretty humbling experience. If you don’t know what I am talking about, check out my Huffington Post article here.

It is crazy how I deal with compliments. At first I was super pumped about it, but after a point the old self doubt started to creep back in and each one that I would read would make me wince. My brain apparently has a glass ceiling for nice words and then it starts telling me that they are unwarranted, that my story isn’t so great to deserve such acclaim. I started asking myself if I was worthy enough of all the kind words that people were offering and that maybe if my story had been a little more gritty it would be ok to take credit.

It didn’t help to read the comments on the actual article and in fact I had to stop reading them yesterday morning. I get that putting yourself out to the world is in a way asking for criticism from people I have never even met, but that doesn’t mean that I like reading it. I get that not everyone understands addiction and many people think it is a switch that I can just turn off, but I don’t get the need to publicly ridicule or insult another human being. Oh well. If my story can help just one person, then I’ll take the negativity that comes along with it.

I didn’t intend to go on about my inability to take compliments, but I guess that’s what Thinking Out Loud is all about. My creative writing class in high school would always start with a period of free writing, which at the time I thought was lame and I would use to doodle or write love notes to my boyfriend who sat next to me. Over time, though, I came to realize that so much more than I expect comes out when I just sit and write.

To lighten things up a bit, I will embrace Thursday’s random structure and unload pictures from my phone:

I read about this book in my daily Skimm and made a mental note to read it next. Then I saw it mentioned somewhere else and on my walk to work yesterday I saw them all staring at me in Barnes and Noble. I guess it’s a sign.

When I went to Foodease the other day I found miniature Jeni’s ice creams. They didn’t have a huge flavor selection, but spending $6 seems like a better deal to me than $13, especially since the pint we bought over a month ago is still in the freezer. Score.

I have a long running problem of things I like being discontinued or unavailable. The most recent is my beloved Noosa Honey Yoghurt. No, it hasn’t been discontinued, but they have removed it from the Walgreens immediately next to my building (that’s lemon and mango you’re looking at there). I have been able to find it at grocery stores further away, but it seems to follow the pattern of things I love being taken away from me. You may remember that my obsession with Vanilla Petite Creme yogurt also had to be curbed when they stopped selling it in our grocery store a month after I discovered it.

From what I can remember (and I know there’s more), I have also been robbed of these delicious things: my oatmeal brand that I used to eat daily and Betty Crocker Cookie Brownies (omg). To be fair, I think I have seen that oatmeal again and other stores may carry the cookie brownies, but when I went to Giant and saw that they were on sale because they were a discontinued item, I bought every box on the shelf.

So, in closing, I want to thank everyone again. To clarify, I’m not saying don’t compliment or share my article, I’m just sharing my feelings towards those compliments which are a reflection of my silly little brain. I know they are meant with love, but sometimes my head likes to tell me I am not allowed to take credit. It’ll pass. Thank you for also letting me share random thoughts and my irrational fear that now I have talked so much about Perfect Bars and buy them by the box that they will be taken from me.

11 Comments

I definitely have a hard time taking compliments too. I always manage to convince myself that I don’t deserve credit – either it wasn’t something I did on purpose, or the people don’t know the “whole story” (like I stumbled into a success on accident), or feel like I need to share the credit. So I completely understand. But girl, you DO deserve the credit for putting your story out there and being brave (amongst many other things). That took a lot more guts than I have, and I definitely look up to you for it! 🙂Stephanie @ My Freckled Life recently posted…How my fitness routine has changed since becoming pregnant

Yes I definitely relate to all of those statements. I have gotten much better at it, but there’s still stuff that trips me up. I guess if I put something out for all of America to see, I should probably be prepared to deal with what happens next. Lesson learned!

I think you are incredibly brave for putting yourself out there. People are so quick to judge and leave rude comments – it’s easier to be a jerk when you’re behind a computer screen and I’m willing to bet the majority wouldn’t have the balls to say those things to your face. I am awkward about compliments in person. I never know when to be gracious and just say thank you, or when I should downplay myself and point out some flaw I have, or to awkwardly think of a reply compliment on the spot. I think I’m going to start A Thousand Splendid Suns next…I loved the Kite Runner and just bought the rest of Khaled Hosseini’s books.Emilie recently posted…Day In The Life {Snow Day}

I used to always point out a flaw whenever I would get a compliment, but then enough people yelled at me to stop doing that, so I just had to swallow and say thank you. I wanted to explain why the compliment wasn’t justified bc they must be making some kind of mistake, but that doesn’t really help anyone and can just make things more awkward haha.

I haven’t read those but I know they are good. Let me know how they are!

I hope that my sharing hasn’t been an issue–I truly do see this as an incredible opportunity both for you (to get further in your recovery) as well as others (who are struggling as well). What you did took a lot of courage, and regardless of whether you are good at taking complements or otherwise, please accept our appreciation that you are still here to share your story. Perhaps look at it as appreciation, rather than complements or flattery.Susie @ SuzLyfe recently posted…Foodie Problems, Sports Widows, and Getting Published

I meant to comment yesterday but I read your post on my phone and got a phone call just as I was done reading it. What great post, and shows how strong you are today to share with others. I know you will impact a lot of people with it.

I understand what you mean with compliments, I have a hard time with that too. But they are well deserved so remember that! And as for the negativity, I get amazed at how horrible people can be behind a computer screen and the comments they make. Then I feel bad for them that they live in such negativity they feel the need to pass it on to others. What you did took a lot of courage and I’m sure you helped more people than you know by sharing your story!!

I think it was super brave of you to open up and share your story with so many people. There will always be those that don’t understand or that are too quick to judge, but their reactions are more of a reflection of who THEY are than who YOU are. I’ve never understood the need to publicly criticize people either, but thus is human nature.

And when it comes to compliments, I hear ya on having a hard time handling them. It’s nice to hear nice words being spoken about you, but it always makes me a tad bit uncomfortable. Almost like I’m expecting people to one day realize the “truth” as I see it.Amanda @ .running with spoons. recently posted…. at a glance – january 2015 .

It took me a long time to realize that–that people’s reactions have more to do w them than w you. Once I learned that, it definitely helped but there are times when I still need to remind myself. Thanks for reading!