74. If Shkspr was in2 txt wat wud it b like

A lot of people are familiar with the website Texts from Last Night, where embarrassing or funny (or both) text messages are put on display for all teh interwebz to see. One of the marvels of the site is just how nonsensical texting can be. A perfectly normal conversation looks infinitely funnier/weirder when in textspeak. Well, what if Shakespeare’s characters had access to texting? Would they end up on the site? I’m pretty sure the Porter from Macbeth would. And probably Falstaff. I guarantee Dogberry would.

This article made me start wondering about that. What if Romeo and Juliet’s iconic balcony scene were done entirely through texting? It might look something like this:

JULIET: i wish u werent a montague this is all so complicated now

ROMEO: well i could just change it

JULIET: i mean it doesnt matter i still love u its just a name

ROMEO: well just dont call me romeo nemore and itll be ok

JULIET: how did u get my number btw

ROMEO: love magic

JULIET: lol ur so cute but seriously if ppl find out they will freak

ROMEO: i dont care its better than never talking 2 u

JULIET: awwww

Of course, if Romeo and Juliet had cellphones, then the whole big disaster probably would have been avoided. But what about the incredible back-and-forth between Benedick and Beatrice? What would that have looked like?

BEATRICE: dude srsly shut up no one listens to you

BENEDICK: wtf is ur problem

BEATRICE: u r my problem. i am really nice until u show up. u bring out the worst in me

BENEDICK: liar, every1 likes me except u. but i dont like every1

BEATRICE: good or else we would all have 2 deal with u all the time. i wouldnt want to hear a guy say they loved me, esp u

BENEDICK: good, u would scratch a guys face off in like the first day of dating