A Life Without Harry Potter

We've got one question for pretty_little_writer: how have you survived this long with Harry Potter?—Sparkitors

Sparklers, I have a confession to make: I—cough—hanotierherernpottermmm. What’s that? You didn’t hear me? I, um, well, ha…what I mean to say is, I've never read Harry Potter. I can just hear the shrieks of incredulity and the murmurs loathing now, so perhaps I should explain: my parents are the sort of people who think that if I read about magic, I’ll turn into some sort of demon and try to cast my own spells. Until recently, anything that rhymed with very hotter was taboo in my house. It’s not like I could just read it in secret, either, because I’d probably start giggling about the situational irony in the book during dinner, and my folks would figure out my betrayal and ground me for 45 years. But one day, out of nowhere, my dad said, “You can read Harry Potter if you want.” WHAT?!

Until that moment, the extent of myexposure to the great HP had consisted of 20 minutes of The Prisoner of Azkaban movie dubbed over in Spanish, the frequent references made wizard-loving friends, and the occasional mention on SparkNotes. I knew the books were about magic guys named Harry, Ron, and... Herman? Yeah, I think it's Herman... and I was pretty sure there was a bad guy called Voldemort involved, and also a Snape, which I assumed was some type of magical bird.

Obviously, I was desperate to find out more, so when my dad gave me the green light, I was so excited I started jumping up and down and screaming, “Read? Harry Potter? I can finally LIVE!” But there was a glaring problem with my newly-found freedom was: try as I might, I could not get my hands on a copy of The Sorcerer's Stone. When I told a friend of my plight, she said I could borrow hers, only to discover that she owned two copies of every title—except the first book. I even requested the first book at the library; the only problem is, I’m second on the waiting list, and everyone knows that libraries take four bazillion years to actually give you the book you requested. So now, I have a copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets gathering dust in my closet, because who in their right mind starts reading in the middle of a series? I definitely, definitely have not even cracked the cover; I don’t know about anyone named Ginny or Draco, or anything about a monster turning the students into…never mind. I haven’t read any of it—I swear!

Basically, I’m sunk. I’ve been having pre-withdrawal nightmares: I wake up in the middle of the night screaming like an Edwardless Bella. Except, unlike Miss Whiney Pants, I actually have a reason for my nightmares—no Harry Potter! Alas, I have come full circle with nothing to show for it. Maybe someday I will finally know what a Snape is…*miserable sigh.*