I want to talk a little bit about Butterball turkeys. And I want to let you know [that] every single Butterball turkey sold in the United States of America has been sacrificed to Allah.

Every single turkey that Butterball sells has been ritually slaughtered according to Islamic practice and has had an Islamic prayer prayed over that bird while it is being slaughtered.

If your Thanksgiving turkey starts speaking Arabic or insists on wearing a hijab, now you know the reason. But this is no joking matter to Fischer, who raises the possibility of a pressure campaign against Butterball this Christmas.

In reality, the process that Fischer is decrying is no different than the typical way turkeys are slaughtered. It just means that observant Muslims can eat the turkey, and Butterball can sell more food here and abroad. It’s common sense and smart business. It also respects diversity without changing the product in any way whatsoever.

We’ll keep you updated on Fischer’s crusade against Muslim turkeys. In the meantime, here are some other non-Christian food products for Fischer to rail against: