Writer of tragically funny fiction – Statistically Chaotic Neutral

Close Encounters of the Otter Kind

One morning I was taking the dog out for his constitutional in the yard when a large brown creature started charging right for us from the neighboring field. It was long and thin and immediately I thought, “Wolverine! Imma gonna die!” before enough synapses fired to bring up the fact that wolverines don’t actually live anywhere near me. My poor pre-caffeine mind haltingly managed, “That looks a lot like a river otter” which it was.

Mr. Otter was doing the otter-equivalent of walking and texting. I mean this otter was charging straight for me and my 96lb dog thinking about what he was going to tell the Mrs. about why he was out so late, cause he was totally oblivious to everything around him. My dog gave a low, warning “woof” and the otter looked up and I totally saw the thought, “Whoa… Crap! ABORT ABORT!” flicker across the otter’s brain as it realized where it is and what it was heading toward. It abruptly made a 90 degree turn and hurried along the outside of our fence rather than cut through our yard on the way to the creek.