If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

[Essay] Correct my toefl essay

I wrote the following essay for toefl, can you give sugestions fo improvements please?

Theme: Would you support opening a restaurant in your neighborhood?

In my opinion, a restaurant is an improvement for my neighborhood for three reasons: save my time on going to lunch near my home, instead going to another neighborhood, help students who need to work and help the local commerce. So, I would support a restaurant in my neighborhood.
In my city there are a lot of good restaurants, but none of then is near my house, so I spent to much time going to one. Another problem is the vehicle traffic in the city. There a lot of cars, trucks and public transports in the streets most part of the time. As a result, I get stressed and tired to spend so much time and effort by only going to a good restaurant.
Another good reason for support a restaurant in my neighborhood is to help students who need to work. Giving for these people a job and some money is a good manner of avoiding teens getting involved with drugs and gangs. The third reason to support a restaurant is helping the local commerce increasing people movement in the area. A local restaurant could generate good opportunities with cross-selling promotions which benefits everyone, businessmen and customers.
So, opening a restaurant in my neighbordhood would benefit many members of society, people like me would be less stressed and tired economizing time on going to a good restaurant, young students would learn a job to help their families and other local business would increase their volume.