The Left Is Officially Bereft of Ideas, Arguments, and Logic

Watching from afar, extraterrestrial beings might view changes in Earth’s atmosphere as symptomatic of a civilisation growing out of control – and take drastic action to keep us from becoming a more serious threat, the researchers explain.

This highly speculative scenario is one of several described by scientists at NASA (insert joke here-ed) and Pennsylvania State University (where a bunch of the Climategate stuff started-ed) that, while considered unlikely, they say could play out were humans and alien life to make contact at some point in the future.

And then there is this…

To bolster humanity’s chances of survival, the researchers call for caution in sending signals into space, and in particular warn against broadcasting information about our biological make-up, which could be used to manufacture weapons that target humans. Instead, any contact with ETs should be limited to mathematical discourse “until we have a better idea of the type of ETI we are dealing with.”

The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth. In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to destroy humanity to protect other civilisations.

“A preemptive strike would be particularly likely in the early phases of our expansion because a civilisation may become increasingly difficult to destroy as it continues to expand. Humanity may just now be entering the period in which its rapid civilisational expansion could be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of the Earth’s atmosphere, via greenhouse gas emissions,” the report states.

I want to believe this is a joke, but the Britishness of the article, along with no Onion tag, makes me believe these fools are serious. To that, I say:
Fuck you extraterrestrially with a glowstick soaked in alien fuck. Fuck you for using stupidity to push an agenda. Fuck you for being so bereft of arguments for your agenda, you resort to this academic AIDS. Fuck you for being so arrogant as to think people would take you seriously. Fuck you for perverting the scientific method with Starman’s fuckdrippings to advance your goals. And fuck you because any time I get to mock you guys is a good day in my book.

What, were Han and Luke unavailable as test subjects? Did the Independence Day Aliens pay you to pimp for them? Did your scientific method include channeling Jodie Foster and her SETI dish to see what other “experts” said? And were Spock and the Tribbles unavailable for comment and peer review? If any of these are yes, fuck you and with your own degrees for ruining science for everybody.

Get a grip. Use some real science. And call me when you sound serious.