If the Nets were a jilted ex-girlfriend, and Jason Kidd were the jilter, then tonight's game in Dallas was the party of the mutual friend where the former lovers were to be forced to share a social setting for an evening. Here's how it went:

In the days leading up to tonight, she reassured everyone that it was absolutely fine, she was absolutely fine.... Because they're both adults, right? And there's no reason two mature adults can't be in the same room. You know, even though he did break her heart dumping her for that skank. But whatever. It'll be totally cool, no need to worry. Even if he is being all passive aggressive and acting like a cockbag talking about things that are clearly not based in reality with their mutual friends. But whatever. It'll be fine.

She showed up looking hot. I mean, like, smoking hot. She pulled out all the stops with tonight's outfit and she knows she's looking fine. Not that she wanted him to miss her or anything...she's totally fine without him. She just wanted him to remember what it was he lost. That's all. She's totally fine.

She pretended for the first hour or so to not notice him across the bar, while she surreptitiously (or not-so-surreptitiously, if you ask anyone else) scoped out his new chick. She reassured herself that New Girlfriend is soooooooooo not even that cute. Her friends did their part too- "You are so much cuter than she is." Oh, are they here? She hadn't even noticed! Whatever. Where the hell is the bartender?

The bottom fell out really quickly as she lost her composure by the end of her second drink. She started to visibly unravel. Her friends tried in vain to reassure her- "He's only acting like he's happy with her...but even if he is right now, that's not going to last....he was so much better with you. He totally knows that, he just hasn't...realized it yet. And you are SO much cuter than her!"

And you know how things like botched dunks and airballed free throws tend to pile up, sort of like Long Island iced teas will do? Well, she lost count of how many of those she drank by the halfway point of her evening.

And 3/4 of the way through the night, she was crying in the ladies room. Of course.

She spent the last hour or so of her night gearing up to walk past her ex and his new lady friend...in her head, she was going to be so cool about it. She was going to be an ice cube. It was pretty clear to everyone in the immediate vicinity though that this was an impossibility, what with the mascara smeared down her face and the distinctive odor of tequila about her. But gosh darn it, no one had the heart to tell her, since she spent a freaking hour mustering up the courage to, you know, walk past someone.

At the end of the night she, in her head, walked proudly and sexily past her ex and his girl and out the door. In reality, she stumbled unsteadily into the door. The new girlfriend was completely unable to hide her smug smile. No one could blame her.

She only made it a block or so before having to stop and puke on the sidewalk. A couple homeless guys openly mocked her.

She very nearly made it home without further incident until she decided she had to stop at the pizza place across the street from her apartment, because fuck her diet, that's why.... After all, she's fat and disgusting and no one's ever going to want to see her naked again anyway, so who even cares? She wolfed down the pizza before she even made it through her front door. She then promptly passed out fully clothed and reeking slightly of vomit on top of her bed, hanging halfway off of it with her head near a trash can. .......Ahhhh...yeah, so I guess it's a bit of a rebuild for these Nets....

HT on the picture of "Vince in drag" to Arsenalist...I have no idea where they got it or the context in which it was taken, but it is awesome.