Charlie Jane Anders

Superheroes

Super Lady

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This mid-1970s film is just sort of... odd. I would think it was a spoof of Project A, except that Project A hadn't come out yet. The film is called Super Lady, but they refer to Project A quite a bit. And the resulting superwoman wears a big "A" on her chest. In any case, the plot of this one is that the government pays for research to create the ultimate woman, and they succeed — but unfortunately she's a nymphomaniac with superstrength. See for yourself, if you dare. The main selling point is the moog synthesizer soundtrack.

BatfXXX: Dark Night Parody

Do we really need porn featuring someone trying to do a impression of Heath Ledger's Joker? Really, porn industry? In any case, it exists, and you can glimpse it above. In the above clip, Catwoman is running a strip club and the Joker shows up and uses his special Joker venom, which makes you horny, on all the women. Why so chaste? There's also The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody, The Dark Knight Rises XXX, Batgirl XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody and Katwoman XXX, all released in the last few years.

Batman XXX: A Porn Parody

This is that rarest of things: a porn parody that's actually kind of sexy, thanks to lots of 1960s fashions and costumes, and a healthy sense of playfulness. This porn spoof goes to great lengths (so to speak) to duplicate the 1966 Batman TV show, including the "walking up walls" gag, the Batusi, and the stilted line delivery. Oh, and there's the obligatory Ron Jeremy cameo — but he's actually playing himself, in a "poking his head out the window" gag.

Bat Pussy

Actually, this 1970s film might be the worst porn spoof of all time. It's sort of notoriously bad — she rides around on one of those bouncy jack o'lantern head things, where you hold the horns. The whole thing is sort of intentionally nasty and messed up.

Check out the rockin' opening credits of this classic (??) superhero porn spoof, starring John Holmes as Dickman. Featuring lines of dialogue like "Holy Ben Wa Balls, Dickman!" Plus this speech, which includes the line, "Throbbin, why don't you help Brooke take her pants off, before they burn?"

Souperman

The first Superman porn parody, from the mid-1970s, is pretty goofy, featuring Clark Bent, a reporter for a sex magazine — who's secretly Souperman. And the villain Luther wants to kill everyone's sex drive, but Souperman figures out a way to stop him. For truth, justice and the American Way of Having Sex.

Superman XXX

What's great about this bit is that they totally copied the scene between Superman and Lois from the 1979 Superman movie, where he lands on her roof, answers some questions, and then takes her flying. The guy who plays Superman is pretty perfect as well. Director Axel Braun and star Ryan Driller reunited this summer for Man of Steel XXX: An Axel Braun Parody, based on the recent Zack Snyder reboot.

Supergirl XXX

Probably better than the actual Supergirl movie, where Faye Dunaway spends half the movie trying to get a supermarket busboy to sleep with her. Although judging from the trailer, there's a magic tinfoil helmet in this one, so hard to say, really.

Superman Vs. Spider-Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody

Not only has the porn industry given us a Justice League film long before Warner Bros. could manage it (see below) but we also got a Marvel-DC crossover. The actual Spider-Man/Superman confrontation is pretty brief, and Superman more or less wipes the floor with Spider-Man. Later, both heroes are captured by Lex Luthor and Doctor Octopus, and Lois Lane has sex with Luthor in exchange for Luthor sparing Superman's life. The bit where Spider-Woman shows up and saves the day is kind of the best part. There's also Spiderman XXX: A Porn Parody. And see below for much, much more Marvel.

The Avengers XXX: A Porn Parody

This version of the Avengers gets to have Spider-Man in it, plus it's more gender balanced than the Joss Whedon version (because porn.) Although that should be Captain Marvel, not Ms. Marvel, people. There are also two Iron Man films: Iron Man XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody and Iron Man XXX: An Axel Braun Parody. Plus The Incredible Hulk XXX: A Porn Parody, She-Hulk XXX: An Axel Braun Parody, Thor: A XXX Parody, and Thor XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody.

Justice League of Porn Star Heroes

Also known as Justice League XXX — I don't think that's two separate movies. This is the one that features Ron Jeremy as the Penguin, arguably the role he was born to play. What's amazing about this trailer is it shows the Flash running at superspeed, Wonder Woman flying in her invisible jet, and Superman zooming around, and it makes you realize how much fun a Justice League movie that embraces the material could be. Also on the DC Comics tip: there's Wonder Woman XXX: A Hardcore Parody, Birds of Prey XXX: A Sinister Comixxx Parody, and most improbably, XXX Adventures of Hawkman and Hawkgirl: An Extreme Comixxx Parody.

Kick Azz: An XXX Parody

Wait... isn't the original Kick-Ass about underage kids? Anyway, we don't have a clip from the actual porn parody, but here's a pretty hilarious video where the stars of Kick-Ass react to seeing the box art of Kick-Azz. Aaron Taylor-Johnson makes a good point: Why is this movie not called Fuck-Ass? Or Lick-Ass? Why Kick-Azz with two Zs? That doesn't even make any sense.

Superheroine 3D XXX: An Extreme Comixxx Parody

And finally... there's the generic superhero porn parody, that tosses together a bunch of random DC and Marvel characters. In 3-D, which seems even more gratuitous in porn than in other movies. The main thing I get from this trailer is that they wasted a lot of confetti during the filming. Maybe they had a bucnh of papershredders pointed downwards onto the set, and they were shredding all their tax records?

Star Wars and Star Trek

Star Babe

Here's a huge chunk of this film, via Youtube. This film came out in 1977, and is only loosely connected to Star Wars, using the Star Wars font for its logo and trying to copy a bit of the icongraphy. The actual plot seems to have to do with three women in the year 2080 going on an assignment to save the planet Earth from being taken over.

Sex Wars

The first actual Star Wars parody appeared in 1985, and features Princess Layme trying to rescue her sister, Princess Orgazma. So basically they split Princess Leia into two people, as a way of getting around the fact that George Lucas was only able to come up with one female character for his entire original trilogy. Makes sense. Above is a music video that seems to cover the "cantina scene."

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody

From the same people who did all the Vivid superhero porn spoofs, this is basically a parody of the original Star Wars, with the highest budget of any porn spoof ever made. The delivery of the line, "Darth Vader, only you could be so bold" is note perfect. But then Darth Vader's voice is just wrong, sadly. Plus incest, and all that.

Porn Wars: Episode I, II and III

Yes, they made porno versions of all three prequels. Why? I don't know. At least there doesn't appear to be any Jar-Jar in them, and the VFX are insane. Above is a super-brief sequence where someone uses his Jedi powers to take a lightsaber (actually a vibrator) out of a woman's hand, and then rips her clothes off.

Sex Trek: The Next Penetration and various sequels

Starting in 1990, they made a series of X-rated Star Trek films, all of which were based on the Original Series despite the "Next Penetration" pun. They feature some pretty insane attempts to copy Shatner's staccato line delivery, and a lot of plots that find excuses to put the Enterprise crew onto a soundstage, wearing Hawaiian shirts.

XXX Trek and various sequels

In the mid-2000s, a second series of Trek porn spoofs came along, and these were more or less based on individual episodes of the series. There was a "Where No Man has Cum Before" movie, a "Man-Eater" movie, and a "Charley XXX" movie, where Charley is a hot babe. See a brief clip of the Charley film above.

This Ain't Star Trek XXX and sequel

And finally, the third series of Star Trek: TOS porn spoofs, this time with Evan Stone as Kirk and a pretty much all-star cast. Including Sasha Grey in the first one. The first movie is, weirdly, a porno version of "Space Seed" in which Khan's seduction of Marla McGivers is a lot more raunchy. The second one is more of an original story.

Star Trek: The Next Generation - A XXX Parody

Even with all the crazy attention to detail in some of these other spoofs, the TNG parody is probably the most astonishing, in terms of the sets and the fact that they got a professional Jean-Luc Picard impersonator to play Picard. And there's a really serious story, about the relationship between Picard and Dr. Crusher, which covers a lot of ground that you wish the TV show had gone over. Here's a video of the whole thing, minus the sex scenes — and as you'll see, there's a lot of story here.

Horror

The Bare Wench Project

This spoof is pretty much a straight-up copy of Blair Witch, with the handheld "found footage" camera work and people camping in the woods to discover the truth about the myth — except that in this version, the Bare Wench makes you horny. And everybody ends up naked a lot more. Here's a clip from the sequel, Book of Babes: Bare Wench 2.

Blair Witch Project: A Hardcore Parody

In this version, a group of adult film stars go into the woods to film a documentary (and some porn.) This looks like it could be kind of difficult to watch, what with all the shaky-cam and stuff, and the attempts to duplicate the real "freaking out" acting from the original. This trailer has a lot of crying and yelling and bawling, and may well serve as Exhibit A for why it's better not to stick too closely to the source material for some spoofs. Sheesh.

Baby Rosemary

Weirdly, this one is actually quite creepy and disturbing. They probably did too good a job of capturing the feel of the original horror film — it ends with Rosemary at her father's open-casket viewing at the funeral home, when all of a sudden weird smoke starts pouring into the room. The funeral home becomes a giant Satanic orgy in front of the casket, and the whole thing ends with a nightmarish freeze frame. Not sure if this one is meant to be erotic, or just freaky. Relatively tame clip from the "Satanic orgy" sequence above.

A Wet Dream on Elm Street

And here's the polar opposite, a horror spoof that makes no effort to be scary or messed-up — the main character finds herself in bed with Freddy Krueger, and is titillated and kind of thrilled. That is, once she gets over her initial mistake of thinking this is Edward James Olmos. Oh, and Freddy Krueger has dildo fingers.

Buck Adams' Frankenstein

A 1990s Frankenstein parody written and directed by its star, Buck Adams. Watch the safe-for-work opening sequence above. Love the fact that it's set in the present day, but he still has an old-timey science lab full of capacitors and gothic candles. Also love the fact that there's randomly a white mouse running around his lab. Alas, when he brings his wife back to life, she comes back as a rampaging sex monster.

Official Halloween Parody

Yes, that's right: Official. As in, someone signed off on this? It's actually about Michael Myers, and it's actually an attempt at making another Halloween movie, except pornographic. There's also an Official Friday the 13th Parody. Plus a slightly more tongue in cheek Halloween: XXX Parody.

The XXXorcist

By all accounts, this is one of the most revolting porn movies of all time. They put a lot of effort into doing up the main actress to look like Linda Blair. Father Merkin attempts to do an exorcism — and when that fails, he tries a "sexorcism" instead. Along the way, this film manages to prove that there is no God.

Re-Penetrator

Featuring the same star as The XXXorcist, Joanna Angel. Featuring Dr. Herbert Breast (sadly not played by Jeffrey Combs, which is something I'd pay good money to see), who "vaginally injects the long-dead, but exquisitely preserved exotic dancer with special serum so the re-penetrated corpse will return from the VIP room in Hell and crave nothing but sex." Possibly the only Lovecraftian porn movie, if you don't count Dagon.

Hung Wankenstein

Apparently this movie is actually something to do with a penis transplant? There's shockingly little info available about this movie, and anyway I'm not sure the actual film could live up to the mental image of Gene Wilder and Marty Feldman doing weird porn.

Dawn of the Head

So there are horny zombies? I guess. And they have a craving for sex, instead of brains. And they turn sort of green from sexitude. That's what I'm getting from the DVD box, anyway.