Please welcome our guest Leah DeCesare, the author of Forks, Knives, and Spoons and the nonfiction parenting series Naked Parenting, based on her work as a doula, early parenting educator, and mom of three. Leah’s articles have been featured in The Huffington Post, the International Doula and The Key, among others. In 2008, Leah co-founded the nonprofit Doulas of Rhode Island, and in 2013 she spearheaded the Campaign for Hope to build the Kampala Children’s Centre for Hope and Wellness in Uganda. In a past life, Leah worked in public relations and event planning. She now writes, teaches and volunteers in Rhode Island where she lives with her family and their talking cockatiel.

I have always earnestly sought details on how other authors write – their process – and have tried a lot of other people’s habits for myself. At last, I’ve come to terms with the fact that my way is equally as valid as other authors’ styles, it’s what works for me. My interest in the writing process, however, persists and I’m open to things I can adopt that could work for me, too.

For years, I eagerly gathered all bits of advice from writers and was very focused on other writers’ processes. The how and the where they wrote, the how much and how long they wrote. I was searching for some road map, some how-to formula.

We hear from every angle, every conference, blog and crafting book that writers must write every day. We hear: Write in the morning before you do anything else, write X000 words a day, write X hours a day. Yet, that’s never worked for me.

This feels slightly like a confession: I don’t write every day. And while I’m at it, confession number two: I’m not a morning person. The idea of writing before my kids leave the house compares to swimming outside in a New England in February. (My apologies if you like either of those things. If you do, use this comparison instead: It compares to preparing your taxes. No one can say they like that! Certainly not among a group of word-folks like us.)

Admitting I don’t write daily felt like I was “doing it wrong,” but I have finally accepted that my process is different, not wrong. I love blocking out a few solid days, running away to my parents’ house while they’re traveling, packing a bag of salad and a few frozen meals from Trader Joe’s and logging out. This is my happy place, my great luxury and I’m grateful for the means and a supportive husband to allow me to do this a few times a year.