Zebra Chases Pony Through Parking Lot, Humans Follow in Pursuit

The Staten Island Advance's Anthony Nasti reports a local shopkeeper passed along footage of a zebra chasing a pony in a Staten Island parking lot around midday. Zachary Osher, owner of Metropolitan Drape & Blind, was minding his business when he noticed the beasts chasing each other through the mall's parking lot where his store is located. What happened next might be our our personal favorite part of the story:

"About 30 seconds later, I saw two men in dark black suits carrying lassoes running across the street," Osher said. The scene of two hapless zoo officials chasing a pony and zebra seems a little too Looney Tunes to be real, but here we are: There is, indeed, video evidence that a zebra chased a pony through a Staten Island neighborhood today.

Surprisingly, there haven't been any parody Twitter accounts started. Yet. @StatenIslandPony and @StatenIslandZebra are still available, and ripe for some horrible comedian to start. Where is your sense of urgency, America? Have you become lazy with your parody Twittering since the fervor of the election? Should we be disappointed or proud right now? A zebra and a pony should not cause such a whirlwind of emotion.

Besides the few details passed along from The Advance, this is all we know about the mysterious zebra and pony in Staten. If you have any tips, please email us.