This blog is just about my life and mostly revolves around my son, Jamie. This blog is a combination of everything, whether it may be a new recipe I tried, a good freebie I found, something funny Jamie said, or feelings I'm having about life in general. There's little rhyme or reason. I'll never win any blogging awards, but I enjoy writing about our lives and I mostly do it for my son. It's so easy to forget moments over the years. I've got all these little tidbits of our life in print and I hope that someday Jamie can enjoy them.

I called this blog Mother of Life, Mother of Loss because of my issues with pregnancy loss and the joy of finally bringing this wonderful person into the world. Truly, I feel the pains of loss, but you won't see too much of that here. I am blessed and I am, above all else, a mother of life.

After all the years of infertility and loss, Matthew and I were blessed with a surprise pregnancy. We were pregnant with twins, but unfortunately, Baby A could not stay with us. Baby B grew into a healthy and happy baby girl that we named Bella Marie. We are so blessed to have two beautiful children.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Friday, July 24, 2009

I can't believe I've made it to 12 weeks. Originally my cerclage was supposed to be done between twelve and thirteen weeks but I opted to put it off just a little longer so I would have it done after Jamie's birthday. Preventative cerclages have really high success rates, so there is little reason for concern, but just in case I didn't want to do it before Jamie's birthday. There is also the concern that I might have some cramping and bleeding.

My cerclage is scheduled for August 5TH. I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am. That sounds like fun. The cerclage won't be done until 7:30. I guess they need that time to get me signed in, get an epidural, and something to prevent contractions.

I need to call my doctor tomorrow and ask about an antibiotic. We didn't discuss it but I really want to take something to prevent infection. From my research, that is the biggest risk after a cerclage. I'd hate for things to go south over something that could be so easily prevented.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Sunday, July 19, 2009

I have been badly neglecting my poor blog. It's been a great summer, though. Jamie has been enjoying playing with friends. It's been nice getting out of the house for both of us. I think the last few weeks would have dragged on and on with this surprise pregnancy if it wasn't for that.

These are some pictures of the kids from The Cove (a nearby park). The kids really enjoyed it there so I'm going to have Jamie's birthday party there in a few weeks.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

We went to The Cove a couple of weeks ago. While there Jamie's friend showed him how to pee outside. He loved this novel new ability and quickly had to test it out. A little while later my friend and I went to her car to get some picnic stuff and to take her daughter to the bathroom. When I got back I found Jamie in quite a state. It seems that he thought "If you can pee outside then you can poop outside, too." He had poop streaked legs. I took him to clean up and change, then went back to find the poo. Turns out he had pooped right in the playground in front of a bench where a lady was sitting. Poor Jamie was so distraught. "I don't want you to be mad at me Mommy." I was so embarrassed I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. I picked up the poo and properly disposed of it.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Well, I don't have the software needed to change the video into a format that can be uploaded online so I recorded it with my camera so I could post my ultrasound video. For that reason there is a little running commentary. You can see the little flutter bug wiggle his/her feet. They even did a 3D picture, but it just looks like a silhouette.

You can also going to see them measuring my cervix. It is difficult to get accurate measurements at this gestation. This is an important part of my prenatal care due to my incompetent cervix. This is the beginning of assertaining baseline measurements so my OB can watch changes to my cervix.

Saturday, July 4, 2009

I haven't been online much. Life has been insane, but good. I seem to have lost time for the Internet and TV, not that it's necessarily a bad thing. I like logging what's going on, but a busy life is satisfying.

I thought I'd log on and update my pregnancy. I need to get on later and post some pictures from a trip to The Cove we took this week and the ultrasound video, but I'm not at home so I'll have to do that later.

UPDATE

I had an ultrasound on Thursday, July 2ND. Everything looked great. The baby even moved a little for us. You can see little hand and feet buds. Jamie was so excited to see "his baby" which he insists is a sister. My due date is now set for February 4, 2010. That's behind based on my menstrual cycle, but I probably ovulated late. Baby A, the one who passed away, is still visible and may not "vanish". It's strange that I was a little relieved to see it there, even though it is gone. The tech attempted to get the baseline measurement of my cervix, but at this time it's very difficult to get. She said we'll be seeing a lot of each other. It's always a good time when you know you'll be seeing a lot of the ultrasound tech. This is the plus side of being high risk.

My next ultrasound is scheduled for July 20TH. I'll have an ultrasound that's purpose is to check for Down Syndrome along with blood work to check for it due to my age. I would refuse it if I didn't get a bonus ultrasound. I am pro-life and even if I wasn't, I couldn't imagine aborting my baby just because he or she would have Down Syndrome. I guess if something is wrong this will give me time to do my homework so I'll have a better idea of how to prepare for a special needs newborn. Most likely the baby will be fine.

I don't' have a date set for the cerclage, but my OB said that he'll schedule the cerclage after I have that ultrasound. I should have it a few days later. The OB wants to place it between twelve and thirteen weeks. I could go longer before getting it but it should be placed before the cervix has had any chance to be compromised at all. My motivation for wanting it is as soon as possible is simply to get the scary stuff over with as soon as possible. I think I'll be able to breathe a lot easier once it's over.

The OB says that I'll have no restrictions at all after the cerclage. I can't believe it. I won't even be on pelvic rest after a few weeks. I might actually have the "normal" pregnancy that I've always dreamed of. I might get to go to the store with a huge belly and have strangers try to touch it. I might get to have maternity pictures taken. I might even have a baby shower, even though that may be considered tacky for a second pregnancy. I didn't get to do that with Jamie. I might get to nest and fix up my own nursery. When my water breaks this time it actually be time to have the baby. I might go to term. I might not have a baby in the NICU at all. I might breast feed my baby the day he/she is born. When I think about the possibilities I just get so excited.