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Awful birth experience and how to get over it

My daughter was born 34 months ago, and to this day I can hardly
think about that time in the hospital. I still get angry over it, I
still cry about it sometimes, and I still feel violated and robbed of
what a birth is supposed to be. I know there are other women in similar
situations, I just wonder if any of them are here. And if you have any
advice on how to get past it.

Yes, my daughter is fine and healthy
and perfect in every way. It's not about that. And I don't want to hear
that the baby is all that matters. It's not. If you haven't been there,
you probably wouldn't get that.

With my son my experience was terrible 30 hours of labor with me on magnesium for BP issues and me so out of it I only remember the misery of the ordeal. As soon as he was out i was saying never again I never want to do that again. Well here it is 3 years later and i have done it again and am about to do it in a month again. Its hard on me because i fear the experience i had with my son happening again and really I wish i lived a lot closer to a hospital or could afford a midwife because i realy would rather do it alone at home. But since that wont happen I am just trying to stay positive and say things happen the way they are supposed to and the experience with my son's birth was just something I went through and its over. That is the only way I get past anything remember it is in the past and you dont live in the past.

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