My Other pages

Fun quotes I like

When I was a young man old people at weddings used to poke me and say "You're next!". That is until I went to a funeral and poked them back saying the same thing.

Whenever some one calls me an ugly old git I get really sad and give them a big hug, because I know life can be tough for the visually impaired.

Seriously, I don't know exactly when that UFO landed and dumped all these stupid people around me, but apparently they are not coming back for them.

My Hobbies

Making faces at babies.
Doing "mouth farts" in the cinema.
Crayoning in library books.
Annoying the neighbours.
Throwing stones at the ducks.
Scrounging drinks at the pub.
Staring at people.
Shouting.
Queue jumping.
Burning old tyres.
Being a burden to the kids.
Feigning illness.
Driving slowly on the motorway.
Pretending to be deaf.
Stealing sweets off children.
Kicking empty tins about.
Hiding the cats food.
Shouting at the pigeons.
Talking loudly.

and lastly,
Finding naughty people and grassing them up to the police.