FAITH2ACTION

Obama's 'Halloween czar'

Janet Porter is president of Faith2Action*: turning people of faith into people of action to WIN the cultural war TOGETHER for life, liberty and the family. Author of "The Criminalization of Christianity," she hosts a daily radio program from 2-3 p.m. Eastern and a daily radio commentary heard in 224 markets and at www.f2a.org.
* Title and affiliation for identification purposes only.

I drove by what used to be a booming car dealership last week and saw nothing but a ghost town thanks to Obama taking over the auto industry and shutting down dissenters. Obama and his lynch mob in Congress have taken over our health care and turned it into something worse than any haunted house could portray. They have sunk our economy deeper than the Titanic, and the amazing thing is he is on the campaign trail for the Titanic crew – still trying to sell tickets for their disaster “cruise.”

I’m really surprised that among all his “czars,” Obama has not yet appointed anyone to oversee Halloween. Take a look around our country to get a hint of what that would entail:

All children would have to obtain a costly permit to allow them to participate in trick-or-treating activities at least 30 days prior to Oct. 31.

All candy collections would be monitored, reported and severely taxed.

All sugar intake would be subject to government oversight, lunch bag searches and candy confiscation.

Costumes would be regulated.

Government candy restrictions would apply.

Under an Obama Halloween czar, the following costumes would be banned:

Barack Obama: Clearly the scariest costume on the market, (rivaled only by the Nancy Pelosi mask), has been shown to cause emotional distress in children and adults alike. Test groups reveal that many seeing a “Barack Obama” costume are prone to turn off their lights, lock their doors and rush their personal belongings into safekeeping.

George W. Bush: The Obama administration would also declare this costume illegal because homeowners often give those wearing such a mask at least a double portion of candy. And in the Obama administration, the freedom of disproportionate distribution (even based on merit or achievement) is prohibited. Besides, it makes the current administration look bad, particularly when those children wearing a George Bush costume are also embraced while homeowners repeat the phrase, “I miss you! I miss you!”

All skeletons: also banned because they too closely resemble the results of Obama health care. They fear such reminders could lead to a repeal of the Democrats’ socialized medicine.

Any “Star Wars” costumes, which might fuel “the force” and the empire that, Obama himself admits, is striking back.

Bums or hobos: Any children wearing costumes with holes, patches or signs of “poverty” that reflect the Obama double-digit unemployment rate would be arrested on site.

The Wicked Witch of the West: The Federal Elections has received complaints claiming that this costume gives the current speaker of the House an unfair door-to-door campaign advantage.

On the banned candy list:

Pay Day: It is too reminiscent of the free-enterprise system that enables people to actually earn money and keep some of it.

Good and Plenty: Same thing. Banned because it points to the success of capitalism and a happier time most of us can all still recall.

Life Savers: Also banned because it makes people think about the tea-party movement and the Republican challengers. The Obama administration also wants to divert attention away from the fact that we are sinking in their failed socialist policies and the deepest in debt we have ever been.

Tootsie Pops: The candy of the Democratic Party reminding voters of that last election when they were all a “bunch of suckers.”

Bazooka Bubble Gum: Chewing it is like an endorsement of the Second Amendment’s right to bear arms.

Smarties: These are the people who’ll be voting Republican this year, and we can’t have that.

Snickers: The sound heard at Obama’s campaign speeches still selling socialism as a solution.

Sugar Daddy is permitted, but would be printed with the Obama seal – to be handed out with government cheese. And, finally,

Almond Joy: Because sometimes you vote like a nut, this year we won’t.

Under an Obama Halloween, in addition to the permits, children must report all candy intake and leave 96 percent of it at ACORN offices and various union drop-off sites. They will be redistributed to purchase votes in the coming weeks. Any leftover candy will be given to those Obama/Democrat supporters who are unwilling or too lazy to trick or treat for themselves.

If the government schools still have your children believing that Obama is worthy of the praise songs they sing, give them a “taste” of what that really means. After working all night collecting candy, inform them of all the restrictions and income, sales, health-care, “stimulus” and other taxes that will leave them with about three candy corns – two of which you, as parents, are entitled to for “property tax” for their bedroom in your house.

What’s at stake in this election can be communicated to your little tots as simply as “candy or no candy.” “Trick or Treat.” Which do you prefer?

Then enlist them in these remaining days to go door to door for something that really matters: getting our country back. Got an e-mail? Facebook? Send out voter guides from www.f2a.org! The results of doing nothing are just too scary.