The Good Girl Recovery Program, It’s Not About Being bad. It’s About Being You.

Recovering good girl Marcia Baczynski is Edie Weinstein’s guest who shares the priceless knowledge that you need not be perfect to be loved. She offers bold and daring ideas to rock your relationships and shake off worn out beliefs so you can be authentic and empowered to ask for what you want.

Marcia Baczynski is a relationship and sexuality expert, co-creator of Cuddle Party, founder of the Good Girl Recovery Program, and a private coach who has worked with thousands to overcome shame and get in touch with what they truly want — romantically, sexually and relationally.

Host Edie Weinstein, MSW, LSW (Bliss Mistress) is a colorfully creative journalist and interviewer, internationally known transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, Bliss coach and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into The Extraordinary.

The Good Girl Recovery Program with Marcia Baczynski was last modified: March 22nd, 2016 by Its All About Relationships with Edie Weinstein

How’s Your Feng Shui? How Your Home or Office Affects Your Prosperity

Dr. Anastasia Chopelas invites P.K. Odle to illuminate how the arrangement of key elements in your home or office affects your prosperity, health and relationships. She gives you the real low down on Feng Shui and how it works. Listen in for quick tips you can use right away.

Since 1997, P.K. Odle has improved her clients’ Feng Shui influences in both homes and work places. She is the director of the renowned American Feng Shui Institute, which teaches the “I Ching” style, a sister science to acupuncture.

Dr. Anastasia Chopelas, author, physicist and the Scientific Healer, is the founder of Diamond Healing Method, a combination of modern science and ancient healing arts.

How’s Your Feng Shui? with PK Odle was last modified: February 4th, 2016 by Scientific Healing with Dr. Anastasia Chopelas

When it comes to relationships, fear of abandonment can lead to all sorts of forms of self-betrayal. In trying to manage this very human fear, we can sometimes ignore our own knowing, all in the name of not being left. Ironically, these subtle or not so subtle attempts to escape being rejected actually results in our own abandonment. Telling the truth about ways we betray ourselves is ultimately liberating, but what do we do when we are betrayed by the person we are in a relationship with?

Gangaji shares her own experience when it comes to this inner and outer betrayal.’

The story of a relationship. The sparks of new love. The journey taken with its twists and turns, pains and pleasures, separation and reunion. Musical interludes that evoke knowing smiles and wracking tears. This is the essence of Goddess, which is the co-creation of husband and wife musical team known as Lyra Project. Debra Lee and Rick Denzien are multi-instrumentalists whose voices compliment each other beautifully. At turns folky and charming, as well as bluesy and wailing, their shared talent needs to be offered from the ‘big stage’. As it is, they are well known on the East Coast and have taken it on the road in their electric car that they ‘fuel up’ at charging stations wherever they go. Their commitment to right livelihood work and the environment makes what they create all the more impactful.

Common Theme expresses the anger inherent in a relationship in which one party feels slighted. The singer wishes that her partner realize what he is about to lose.Ordinary Girl offers an image of a woman who sees beyond the mundane and reminds the man in her life that she and the life they can live is extraordinary.God Put a Smile Upon Your Faceis a cover of a well known Coldplay song.

Good Kinda Crazy is by far the sweetest piece that begins with the image of sleeping in her lover’s shirt. “After each kiss, I push rewind. You make me feel the good kinda crazy.”

Could Have Left a Note asks for the heads up that something was amiss before walking out the door.Find My Way invites parting the clouds and seeing one’s way through to clarity and the courage it takes to walk the relationship path. Patiently Waits invites time to contemplate choices before making a regrettable one.

Love Slip By acknowledges full emotional range and begs retaining what can be salvaged. “A higher love is always near. Don’t let the love slip by.”Please Don’t reminds the lovers that hearts and lives are fragile and need to be handled with care.

Only You is my favorite on the CD, in part because it is the theme song for my show It’s All About Relationships but also because it challenges both people to be true to what they choose to make of the union.

Goddess is a sultry and seductive piece that honors the Divine Masculine and Divine Feminine.

The happy ending of the CD mirrors the love that these two share.

Goddess: Music Review was last modified: December 15th, 2015 by Edie Weinstein

Edie Weinstein welcomes Kimara Himchak as they explore our connection with Spirit and each other. She has come to discover that we are One with everyone and not separate. That is one of the biggest illusions. Once we recognize this, it is easier to deal with even the most difficult people and challenging situations.

Kimara Himchak is a professional psychic medium, soul coach and healer. She has been a professional medium for over 20 years and has most recently completed intensive studies at the Arthur Findlay College for Mediumistic Studies in Stansted, England and House of Spirit in Hannover, Germany. Kimara has just returned from a European tour where she practiced mediumship and hosted workshops on psychic development. She currently advises clients throughout Europe, Australia, Dubai, Saudi Arabia, Iceland, the United States and Canada to help them develop their own psychic abilities and to identify and break negative patterns that disrupt their lives.

Edie Weinstein, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, BLISS Coach and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into the Extraordinary. She calls herself an Opti-Mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. www.opti-mystical.com

We are in a world marked by the pressure to buy things to show the people in our lives that we love them. But if we use the wisdom of all of the ages, we learn that the greatest give anyone can give is relationship – to be personally interested in and to participate in the life of another. To me, that makes it clear on how to celebrate what is super about dads.

I have always been an advocate to do something from the heart instead of buying something as a gift. What makes life better is having greater personal connections and fewer things that end up in our landfills. Thinking this way, here are some ideas on how to rethink how to celebrate dads:

For those with dads who are still will us:

Make the call or go visit. Nothing shows care more than changing our schedules to make room, time and space for another. On the call, eliminate all other distractions and focus on the conversation. They know when you are trying to multitask…

Share a story or favorite memory of how your dad helped you succeed, navigate something difficult, learn a skill or help you grow into who you have become. They love to hear how they made a difference for you.

Take a picture of your dad today. Place it where you regularly see it. Spend a moment when you see it just remembering who this person has been for you. Let it inspire you to connect more frequently and more personally.

For those with dads who have left us:

Remember his favorite music, art, food, book, hobby and spend some time with it. Remember what it meant to him and enjoy his memory through some of what he felt was important or enjoyed.

Write a brief letter to your dad, sharing some of the things you would talk to him about if he were here today. You’ll tap into his wisdom and reconnect to some of what you remember most of him.

Share a story about your dad with someone who didn’t know him. Keep his memory alive. Though gone from each day, he has shared his wisdom and best with you. You carry this on in the way you live your life.

Dads – we aren’t perfect but we sure do try. Down deep we are madly in love with our kids and brave the world each day trying to create the means for our kids to find their way. No real roadmap, no real guidebook. Just trying to watch and make decisions on the fly. Just trying to guide and teach our kids so they learn how to navigage life to be successful and happy.

Fight the urge to buy a tie or just pass over the day. Instead, make it personal, special – build or live the memory. The holiday may have been created by some greeting card marketing department, but its purpose can make us all aware that though dads are only people, we can see that there were times when they were actually more super than just human.

Celebrate What’s Super About Your Dad was last modified: June 18th, 2015 by Jay Forte

Edie Weinstein welcomes Thomas Fiffer whose latest book Why It Can’t Work: Detaching From Dysfunctional Relationships to Make Room For True Love. He offers his experience to help others avoid the pitfalls and perils, as well as to heal from damage done.

Are you unhappy in your relationship? Do you and your partner constantly fight? Has the person who’s supposed to be your comfort, support, and joy become someone you both love and despise? What you’re going through is well beyond normal, because you’re stuck in a dysfunctional relationship.

Thomas G. Fiffer, Executive Editor for The Good Men Project, has written extensively about dysfunctional relationships and gathered his wisdom in a new book, Why It Can’t Work: Detaching From Dysfunctional Relationships to Make Room for True Love. The author survived two marriages defined–and ultimately destroyed–by dysfunctional dynamics and has learned how to break the patterns that prevented him from being happy and forming healthy emotional and romantic attachments.

Edie Weinstein, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, BLISS Coach and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into the Extraordinary. She calls herself an Opti-Mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. www.opti-mystical.com

Jeff Brown joins Edie Weinstein as they delve deeply and soar unbridled into the topics of authenticity and ‘enrealment,’ ascension, heart opening, the courage it takes to face fierce fears and to cast oneself completely into a life that nourishes.

A former criminal lawyer and psychotherapist, Jeff Brown is the author of Soulshaping: A Journey of Self-Creation, Ascending with Both Feet on the GroundandLove it Forward. He is also the author of the viral blog Apologies to the Divine Feminine and the key journeyer in the award winning spiritual documentary,Karmageddon. He has written a series of inspirations for ABC’s Good Morning America and appeared on over 200 radio shows. His most recent book—a higher consciousness love story called An Uncommon Bond was published on May 1, 2015. www.soulshaping.com,www.soulshapinginstitute.comwww.enrealment.com.

Edie Weinstein, LSW is a colorfully creative journalist, inspiring transformational speaker, licensed social worker, interfaith minister, BLISS Coach and the author of The Bliss Mistress Guide To Transforming The Ordinary Into the Extraordinary. She calls herself an Opti-Mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility. www.opti-mystical.com

The greatest gift we have is our ability to look at one another with tolerance and love. Not only when we dance and hold hands and look into each other’s eyes. Not only when we feel close to one another. No, this feeling of kinship must be there even when we disagree, even when we don’t see eye to eye. If we cannot maintain our sense of kinship under adverse conditions, we may as well take all of the positive moments we have had with the other person and just blow them away into the wind.

“We need to cultivate a feeling of kinship with those around us that doesn’t disappear when we disagree or don’t see eye to eye.”

It’s irritating at the very least, someone assumes what you’re thinking or feeling, or what you need to do. Perhaps you have someone in your life right now who is just certain they know what is true for you. In an extreme way, perhaps it’s even an abusive relationship. Do we ignore their projections? Do we not take them personally? Do we stay or do we go? If we find that projections in general aren’t ultimately based in reality then how do we find solid ground when it comes to relationships?’

Join host Hillary Larson for a Conversation with American Born Spiritual Teacher Gangaji on Other People’s Projections.

Imagine living an inspired life, fueled by connecting with and giving to others.

Motivational speaker Steve Gamlin’s crash and burn life’s story became his fuel for rediscovering that the value in life is in showing up aware, generous and kind to others – to find ways to be someone’s hero. He intentionally plans his days around providing inspired moments of service to others – small events, simple to do. This refocus on living through giving recharges life and connects what is best in us to our world. We all benefit. More about Steve Gamlin www.SteveGamlin.com

Jay Forte, the host, is a coach, author and speaker who helps others discover, develop and live their greatness – to live in their Greatness Zone. More about Jay’s greatness focus in work and life www.TheGreatnessZone.com

I endured a huge betrayal from an unlikely place – a younger woman whom I was close friends with and mentored for many years. When we first met, she was trying to write and sell a book – to no avail. Eventually, I gave her an idea for a book – then helped her to write the proposal – asking for no upfront money – just a small 10% back end commission – should the book sell. She enthusiastically agreed – thanking me profusely for not charging her upfront for my time. She had a lawyer draw up papers – which we each signed.

To my shock, soon after I got her the highly successful book deal she’d always dreamed about, she turned into an “All About Eve” kind of character – displaying low-character behavior – in a variety of fibbing, royalty-hiding and contract-breaking ways.

At this point, I’ll stop sharing specific details of the story – because my purpose for this essay is not to complain! Quite the opposite! I want to share my path to recovery. I want to help others who are also suffering from a betrayal – either from a friend, a relative, a spouse, a love partner, a colleague, a boss, a neighbor.

A betrayal can destroy so many varied kinds of relationships – and turn one’s view of the world topsy turvy.

Some of my main upside-down effects after this woman’s betrayal: I found myself less eager to socialize. In particular, I felt nervous to open my heart to new friendships – and thereby to new pain. I felt hesitant to help others with books and projects. I worried they too might take advantage. Plus I did not want to go any place I might see this betrayer: events, cafes, gyms, yoga studios, social clubs. All my usual haunts now felt haunted by a potential sighting of her.

My solution: I told myself I needed to take some time alone to heal and gain insight. So I chose to stay in my home more, socialize less. It was easy to do. I’d just become pregnant. Then I became a mom. In fact, at the time I thought I was going into a healthful “cocoon” – a less social, nesting period.

But as it turned out, I was entering a “cave.”

The difference:

A COCOON is a quiet, comfortable place you go to evolve into a more beautiful you. It’s a safe haven to experiment with new, uplifting thought patterns. When you emerge, you feel in your full, majestic power – flying higher and further than before.

A CAVE is a quiet, uncomfortable place you go to think and brood – to hibernate. Instead of spending time thinking grand thoughts, you growl. You view the world as cold and unsafe.

How did I finally realize I was in a cave not a cocoon?

When I thought about leaving my home to socialize, I found myself feeling heavy in the heart.

In fact, if you ever want to know if you’re in a cocoon or a cave – check in to feel the weight of your heart when you think about leaving your home.

If you feel light in the heart, you’re telling yourself “Butterfly Stories” about the world – viewing life as a beautiful, safe haven to spread your wings.

If you feel heavy in the heart, you’re telling yourself “Bear Stories” – viewing the world as cold and unsafe.

I was telling myself “Bear Stories.”

I was even doing “Bear Math.”

This is “Butterfly Math”:

1 untrustworthy person = 1 untrustworthy person

This is “Bear Math”

1 untrustworthy person = infinite untrustworthy people

Positive Psychologists have a term for this “Bear Lens On The World.” They call it “Permanent and Pervasive Thinking.” It’s when you tell yourself stories which make you feel like one negative incident has permanent, pervasive, lifelong negative effects.

I’m not proud of these thoughts. They are grizzly “Bear Thoughts.” And they were keeping my life limited, dark, dank – and making me feel batty – all signs I was in a cave – not a cocoon!

Basically, a cave is a place you go to shrink your life – a prison for the soul.

A cocoon is where you go to grow your life – an ashram for the soul.

I confess it took me a while to look around and realize I was in a cave. I just knew my heart felt heavier when I thought about going outside to play with others. I decided to journal about my heavy heart. That’s when I realized I was telling myself painful permanent/pervasive stories – triggered by this friend’s betrayal!

Know this now: Although you can’t change your past, you can control the story you tell about it – and thereby change the effects your past has upon your future.

I decided the time had come to rewrite my story so it was a happier one. Literally. In my journal. I began by writing down all my permanent/pervasive thoughts. Next to each, I wrote how non-permanent/non-pervasive the situation truly was!

“I can’t trust anyone.” I realized this betrayal shouldn’t be making me permanently anti-social. It should simply be making me anti-jerks. I realized I should even look upon this betrayal with a bit of gratitude – because it was a powerful reminder to honor my intuition more -and stop being color blind to red flags – no matter if they show up as smaller red hankees. (Truth be told, looking back, there were times I felt this woman’s energy to be pushy in an uncomfortable, aggressive way.) Basically, this event was not meant to stop me from trusting. It was meant to stop me from ignoring my gut – and thereby keep me safe from falling for even bigger business betrayals down the road.

“People Suck” Yes, some people do suck. But not ALL people! Plus, I should never allow someone who sucks to suck all the joy out of my day – and my life! Sure it’s bad when someone’s a jerk. But things could be worst. I could be the person who’s doing sucky, low-character things. And I am truly proud of NOT being someone who could behave so badly. Indeed I feel compassion for my betrayer. She is stuck living with herself – while I get to move on and away. But how could I move on and away, when I was still holding onto resentment? After all, anybody who angers me is actually controlling me – which means they are still an active (and negative) presence in my life. If I wanted to be happy, I needed “To Pull An Elsa” – and “Let it go”!

“I’m an idiot for being suckered!” When I re-read this permanent/pervasive thought, I realized I was displaying the classic case of “blaming the victim.” (Not that I enjoyed using the word “victim.” In fact, I’ll be writing more about the word “victim” at the bottom of this essay!) Basically, calling myself “an idiot” is showing anger and shame at myself – rather than focusing the anger and shame where it more rightfully belongs – on my betrayer! I decided I needed to re-write my word choice from “I am an idiot” to “I am a wronged person.” And the reason I was wronged did not truly have to do with intelligence. I simply didn’t see the betrayal coming, because I never would have done such a thing. I have an awake and active good heart. I value loyalty, strong character and sticking to commitments. Not just for legal reasons – but moral reasons. I remembered a quote I’d heard: “Fools take a knife and stab people in the back. The wise take a knife, cut the cord and free themselves from the fools. “ I decided that since I very much value the trait of being a non-idiot – that I should do this wise choice – cut the emotional cord – and set myself free as a butterfly leaving a cocoon! The best way to cut the cord? Forgiveness. Yes, even if the betrayer was not sorry, forgiveness was still necessary. How could I forgive? I needed to keep reminding myself: Forgiveness doesn’t excuse my betrayer’s behavior. Forgiveness simply stops her behavior from destroying my heart! Plus it helped to keep in mind a great Wayne Dyer quote: “How people treat you is their karma. How you react is yours.”

‘This 1 bad thing means I need to permanently keep my heart safely stored in a betrayal-proof Tupperwear container.” When I first re-read this particular pervasive/permanent story, I chuckled. I wondered: “Why should I punish myself for the crime this woman committed? Isn’t that misplaced punishment?” And this new choice (to avoid letting love into my life) was very much a big self-punishment. After all, love is good stuff! I love love! Plus whenever I push friends and/or potential-new-friends away, it’s as if I’m punishing these people for the sins of my betrayer! Totally batty cave thinking! Once again I was reminded of the lessons I should be learning: “Pay attention to the energy I feel around people. Listen to my gut!” Truth be told, it wasn’t my trust in other people that was being shaken up by this betrayal. It was my trust in myself ! I needed to re-gain my trust in my abilities to see people clearly! So I gave myself another writing assignment: Jot down all the times I’ve trusted my life choices – and I was correct. Write about all the awesome, trust-worthy, loving friends I’ve chosen to be in my life – so I’m reminded that I have a “good internal picker” and that love is indeed good stuff.

“I shouldn’t help people any more – they just take advantage.” When I re-read this permanent/pervasive thought, I also saw it as a form of self-punishment – because I love helping people! I shouldn’t become less of me because this woman showed low character values. Instead, I should become even more aware of how important strong character values are to me – and embrace them even more fully. So I gave myself another writing assignment: Write down a list of people I’ve helped with creative projects – and stay reminded how most people do NOT take advantage, fib and break contracts. Next I wrote about how good it always feels to help and support people – a win/win – for both the giver and receiver!

If you’re presently recovering from a betrayal, I encourage you to watch out for thinking painful, permanent and pervasive thoughts. Please refuse to become a member of that club called “People Suck.” Please refuse to distribute any of that club’s untrue literature.

Instead I invite you to join me in a club called “You Live. You Learn. Life Gets Better. Yes, You Can And Will Trust Again.”

Although we can’t always control what happens to us, we can control our response.

We can choose the role of victim – focusing on blame, anger, regret and resentment.

Or we can choose the role of victor – seeking support, healing our wounds, retrieving our power, and moving forward stronger and wiser than before.

How To Recover From Betrayal (Not just love betrayal, but betrayal of all kinds.) was last modified: November 12th, 2014 by Karen Salmansohn

If your love relationship or marriage has become something you never wanted (and maybe never thought it would be), any– or all– of the above words may accurately describe how you feel right now.

Decades (or maybe not so long) ago you had a vision of what it would be like when you finally found the right partner. Even if you weren’t dreaming of your perfect match or soulmate, you probably had a clear idea of what you wanted in a relationship.

You imagined how the two of you would really listen to each other and share your deepest feelings. In your mind, you could see how affectionate, loving and passionate you and your future partner would be with one another.

When you finally did meet and start a relationship with your partner, this delicious vision came true– maybe not perfectly, but at least partly so. The two of you DID share a special connection that was from the heart. You were open and available to one another and you didn’t doubt how important you were to your partner.

Somewhere along the line, something changed.

You no longer feel the same closeness as before and your relationship seems to have lost its spark. You can’t remember the last time you two actually laughed together.

“How did we end up here?”

When you can’t find the sweet and loving relationship you used to have, it’s time to decide where your commitment is. Are you committed to continuing on a path that’s unfulfilling and maybe even emotionally unhealthy or are you ready for a turnaround?

A turnaround can be a subtle shift that happens within you and that your partner isn’t even aware of or it may be more noticeable. You can even invite your partner to join you in making significant changes in the way you two communicate, spend your time together (and individually), trust one another and even how you make you love.

The kind of turnaround you choose is up to you. Just be sure that you approach this change in a way that will be effective and allow your relationship to point in a new direction…one you actually want to go.

These 5 reminders will get you started:

1. Stop blaming
Blame about your current relationship gripes and problems will only keep you stuck there– or worse, it will morph disappointment into outright hostility. Every time you say things like, “If only you would ____, we would be happy,” you push your partner away from you. Every time you make him or her wrong, you move your relationship closer to disaster. And every time you stop a blame mid-thought or mid-sentence and speak your truth differently, you make room for a positive turnaround.

2. Be honest with yourself
You’ve got to be completely honest with yourself about the role you play in the disconnecting patterns in your relationship. Recognize your specific habits that keep you dissatisfied or take you two apart. While there are things that your partner does that also isn’t good for your relationship, acknowledge what you often say or do because that’s where you have the most power to make a change.

3. Update your relationship vision
Remember that “dream relationship” you used to have? You’ve grown over time and so has your partner and it’s likely that your “dream” is no longer a fit. Sit down with a piece of paper and a pencil and write or even draw what your new relationship vision looks like. Get excited about what you want and share about it with your partner.

4. Get specific
As you come up with the new direction for your relationship, it’s okay to have general hopes like, “We’ll be happy” or “Passion and romance will revive,” but be sure to get specific too. What particular words and actions do you associate with your updated relationship vision? What old habits will you replace with new ones? From this specific list of words and actions, start making changes in your own behavior. You can also create agreements with your partner around them.

5. Build positive momentum
Next, put into motion your agreements and start practicing your own new habits that are supportive of the turnaround you want. And be sure to watch. Watch for any signs of improvement. Watch for signs that you and your partner are following through and that your relationship is beginning to shift (in a direction you want to go).

Allow momentum to build up as you notice what’s getting better and what you like and appreciate. Let that momentum carry you and your partner closer together.

How Did We End Up Here? 5 Turnaround Tips for Couples was last modified: April 18th, 2014 by Susie and Otto Collins

In spiritual circles, the mantra is “let go and let God.” Sage advice for all because “letting go” is a healing process that results in a physically, emotionally and spiritually healthier life.

Yet, you may be frustrated when it comes to the experience of “letting go.” Letting go is not an action step. It is a decision to release the inner emotional blocks that prevent your true being from shining so you can experience peace, happiness and joy.

This is what the Dalai Lama meant when he stated:

“Inner disarmament first, then outer disarmament.”

The implication of this statement is obvious: we are all part of the whole, so when we let go and heal ourselves, we heal for the benefit of the entire world.

Letting go is also about surrendering your life to a Higher Power and acknowledging that this power lives in you and wants you to be happy. It is also about giving this Power permission to use you as a vessel for good.

All spiritual and religious paths ultimately require a letting go or surrendering process. In other words, all roads lead to God.

As Relationship Coaches and spiritual teachers, we have found that no matter what road you may take, it is important to travel with preparedness. We have discovered that the letting go process occurs when you allow the power of courage, acceptance, love and peace in to your life.

Courage is rooted in any thought, belief or statement that begins with the words “I can…” When you affirm that you can emotionally let go of the pain you harbor within you, you open a channel for healing and release the wounds that bind and imprison you from within.

Courage means the willingness to look at your fears. A Course in Miracles defines all fears as illusions. When you examine your fears and acknowledge their presence, you will see how they have inhibited the Life Force within you.

By shedding light on the fear (illusion) and courageously walking through it and letting it go, you begin to notice positive changes in yourself and in your life. This process is not about making your fears your enemies. Instead, it is about embracing them, feeling them, and then having the courage to rise above them.

This is the true spiritual definition of success: feeling the fear and having the courage to move forward and take action in spite of it.

Acceptance means that everything is perfect as it is. Letting go becomes easier with acceptance. You become more nurturing and supportive of others and yourself without any feelings of loss or sacrifice. It’s affirming: “All is well in my world” even when outward appearances may demonstrate otherwise.

This is not denial or putting your head in the sand. Through acceptance, you will begin to see the innocence in everyone. You will begin to realize that most people are erroneously operating from a place of fear; frantically trying to eliminate struggle from their lives today so they can finally be happy tomorrow.

Acceptance is the starting point for letting goodness into your life. Acceptance opens doors of opportunity that previously remained shut. It does so because you have shifted and raised your energetic vibration to a higher frequency.

When you incorporate courage and acceptance into your inner world you will find yourself becoming more loving and peaceful. As a result, you will also find yourself attracting more loving and peaceful people and relationships into your life.

Love is the most powerful remedy for emotional healing. When you have the willingness and courage to be more loving, and to let love into your life, you will find that “letting go” occurs spontaneously.

When you courageously face your fears and “accept what is” in any given moment, you realize that your greatest desire: to love and be loved, was ultimately your greatest fear. Once you shine the light of Truth and embrace love in its’ purest, unconditional form, your life is transformed forever!

Peace: we all want inner peace. It’s your greatest power. When you let go by courageously “accepting what is” and loving all life unconditionally, inner peace is the result. When you add the choice for peace, rather than being right and making others wrong, you ultimately let go.

With inner peace you will notice a reduction in fear and all its’ distressing emotions.

As a result, all aspects of your life begin to take on a healthier dimension. By letting go you will also feel and look younger. You will find yourself more enthusiastic and inspired. New doors of opportunity will open. You will have a new zest for life.

“Letting go” is an awakening to living Life in the one and only Reality. The key attributes of that Reality are inner peace and unconditional love. When you let go, you eliminate the source of all your suffering and pain. You have literally rediscovered what you are made of and who you truly are now and forever. “Know that ye are Gods!” When you “get” that, you’ve “let go!”

You may be the most peace-loving person around…but you’re still a fighter. Your continued fight may actually be the reason why the connection in your love relationship or marriage is severely strained or maybe even broken.

When you think about “fighting,” you probably imagine hostile silences, loud arguments and shouting or even physical hits and slaps. Because you care about your partner, you don’t usually act in these ways. Even if you sometimes raise your voice and lose your cool, you try not to make it a habit to fight with your partner like this.

It’s important to recognize it when your anger or other intense feelings take over. Make a conscious effort to calm down because you won’t be able to communicate effectively if you’re not calm and clear.

But, it’s essential for you to also be on the lookout for the other ways you might be putting up a fight. These habits cause harm to your relationship (and to you too) if you allow them to persist.

You put up a fight when you….

Insist that you’re right (and your partner is wrong).

Strive to prove your worth and value:“I’ll show him!”

Push or manipulate to get your way.

Stubbornly cling to a particular way of living no matter what.

None of these actions is necessarily bad. What matters most is how often you fight and what you do once you realize what you’re doing.

For example, Jessica and Mark have waged a hidden war against one another for the past month. Their older son wants to transfer to a different high school because he feels bullied at his current school. Jessica and Mark don’t agree about what to do. They have the very same debate night after night about whether or not to let their son transfer. Neither of them is budging and the deadline for enrollment in a new school is approaching quickly.

In this situation, it’s understandable that Jessica and Mark are each “fighting” for what they believe is best for their son. The fact that they are each speaking up about what they believe isn’t the problem…the problem is their motivations and how they’re going about it.

When Jessica is honest with herself, she can admit that underlying her “fight” is a desire prove to Mark that she’s more in tune with their son and his needs. Mark’s “fight” is driven by his attachment to their son sticking with his current high school because it’s ranked highest in academics in their city. Mark is afraid that if his son goes to a “lesser” high school, he won’t get into a good college.

Neither Jessica nor Mark is wrong for being motivated as they are, but they can’t truly support their son and guide him wisely if they don’t change their approaches.

Jessica, Mark and possibly you too keep standing in the way of not just problem-solving, but a strong and healthy relationship connection when the fight dominates. You continue to fight because it seems like what you“should” do. You may even believe it shows how“strong” and “dedicated” you are.

Unfortunately, all of this fighting makes you…

exhausted

judgmental

conflicted

depleted

closed off

blaming

unapproachable

far from where you want to be

When you’re caught up in a battle– whether it’s big and loud or quiet and hidden– the sooner you give up the fight, the sooner you’ll get back to trust, closeness and genuine happiness in your relationship.

When you realize you are fighting your partner, stop and ask yourself curiosity questions like, “What is at the heart of this for me?” or “What am I most afraid will happen?”

Questions like these can help you re-frame the whole situation, including your staunch reasons for having it “your way.”

What “giving up the fight” can mean for you….

Just to be clear, giving up the fight doesn’t mean you bite back your true feelings or that you roll over and do whatever your partner wants.

You can honor your priorities and values as you also keep an open mind. An internal shift happens and discovering what the best possible solution could be becomes the new driver (instead of proving something or being right).

Giving up the fight starts when you accept that “your way” isn’t the only way and that your partner may have a valid point. From there, you can begin to speak honestly and listen with openness. A solution can emerge (instead of being forced) which usually brings you and your partner closer than before.

Give Up The Fight was last modified: March 28th, 2014 by Susie and Otto Collins

You are exhausted after trying to convince your partner the merits of your side. You’re tired of butting heads over this one very sticky subject. You’re worried about the toll this lingering argument is taking on your ability to enjoy one another’s company.

Sometimes that’s not such a big deal. If you two have been debating politics, movie reviews, sports or something else that doesn’t directly impact your daily lives, you can usually forge a sort of peace and accept this is as an area where you have opposing views.

It’s those other disagreements that put a chill in your relationship.

When you and the one you love realize that you have very different perspectives and priorities on issues that are core to your ethics and sense of morality, then it becomes far more difficult to “agree to disagree.”

It may even be impossible to do so genuinely.

Couples grapple with pornography, friendships with exes, parenting decisions, financial planning, how often to have sex and much more. When a disagreement comes up over and over again, it can erode trust, affection and shake the very core of your connection.

These types of quarrels don’t just “take care of themselves” and, instead, tend to intensify and become even more divisive over time. This is why people try to “agree to disagree” so that they can move on from the dispute. But when the issue remains unresolved, what mostly occurs is more tension, more resentment and more distance.

So before you speak these three words with a clenched jaw, do these 5 things…

1. Find out what it’s really about.
Dig deep and be honest with yourself if you’re firm on this issue because you want to be right, acknowledged or feel in control of a troubling situation. Get to the root of what this is really about for you and address those needs instead. Watch new solutions appear when you do.

2. Literally listen to your partner.
It’s probable that you are misunderstanding what your partner thinks or wants about this prickly topic. Back up and review what he or she has literally said about it. If you don’t know, ask. Listen with the intent to really hear your partner instead of trying to find holes in the argument or snappy come-backs.

3. Look for the overlap.
As you literally listen to your partner, you’re more likely to see that you two aren’t so far apart on this issue after all. Challenge yourself to find one thing you two DO agree on– even if it’s that you’re both ready to put the argument behind you and return to loving one another again. Use that as your starting point and build from there.

4. Create agreements you can live with.
Even if you aren’t able to ever see eye-to-eye on this issue, you can suggest conscious agreements that allow you to maintain (or regain) relationship trust and connection. Be specific when proposing an agreement and talk about how you both can get your needs met in observable ways.

For example: Texting with your ex is okay if you’re transparent about what was said. Watching porn is allowed if the one who finds it offensive isn’t around and you two are still making love regularly. The two of you will talk about potential purchases over $100 before they are made.

5. Expand your view with integrity.
What’s most important is that you act with integrity. As we’ve said, “agreeing to disagree” as a last-ditch effort for peace while you secretly remain angry is unhealthy and causes even more war in your relationship.

Be clear about your priorities around this issue and in general. Don’t sacrifice what’s sacred to you for the sake of your relationship, but don’t sacrifice your relationship because of pride and an impulse to be “right.”

Take a both/and approach which might mean stepping back for inner clarity first and then opening your mind in order to communicate more compassionately and effectively.

We can’t promise you that the perfect solution will instantly appear, but it’s reachable when you put in the effort and proceed with awareness and love.

Can You REALLY “Agree to Disagree?” was last modified: February 28th, 2014 by Susie and Otto Collins

It’s no wonder February holds the special Valentine’s Day and is considered the month of love. February is the second month of the year and the two carries the main traits of intuition and sensitivity and is also the gateway number to the Soul Plane. It’s about feeling this month and emotions will be on the sensitive side. With the relationship-focused year behind us, the theme of 2014 is authenticity and truth. Combining that with the feeling centered energy of February and you get a soulfully self-reflective vibe.

It’s about embracing the REAL you this month. Take the time to pause (so many of us resist being still) and figure this important step out. If you do, you’ll be in much better place to utilize the truth-filled essence of the year.

You’ll be making a great deal of headway inwardly but not much in the way of outer change – just yet. As the month moves closer to wrapping up, you’ll start to feel less physically stalled and bustling with ideas of how you’ll implement the new you.

Calculating Your Number:

Before we get to the individual monthly forecasts, you’ll need to calculate your Life Theme Number which is your main energetic essence in this lifetime. Your date of birth is like spiritual DNA and can reveal who you are, what you’re here to do and how to do it.

To calculate your Life Theme Number, add together each individual digit in your date of birth and then reduce to a single digit, like this:

DOB: 12-18-1975

1+2+1+8+1+9+7+5=34

3+4=7

This date of birth has a Life Theme Number of 7. Follow the same steps to calculate your own essence.

**Note: If the sum equates to 10, 11, 22 or 33, stop there. Don’t reduce these numbers further as they are called the Master Numbers and should be displayed in their unreduced form. They are guiding frequencies which carry a greater responsibility to mankind in terms of their life purpose. To find out more about these numbers and the other nine base energies, sign up to my newsletter at www.MichelleArbeau.com to receive a complimentary copy of “Life Theme Numbers”.

Individual Life Theme Number Forecast for February:

2: Carrying the same vibration as the month’s energy, you’ll be feeling extra emotionally sensitive but also extra intuitively tuned in. Your psychic feelers will be picking up much smaller, more subtle (and important) details this month. You’ll be navigating the path with expert precision, figuring things out at a rapid pace. Of all the Life Theme Numbers, you’ll be on top of this authenticity wave and discovering who you truly are and want to create going forward. It’s best to steer clear of anyone who is negative or emotionally charged in a less than positive way (drama queens, negative vampires, etc). They will only cloud your clarity and you’re on fire this month with your intuitive hits – use it to your advantage for a change. Even though you’ll be feeling rather vulnerable with emotions being extra sensitive, resist the urge to become co-dependent in your close relationships right now. Retreat to keep your intuition clear and flowing. If you follow this guideline, lots of ah-ha moments will follow.

3: As the number of imagination and memory as well as the social butterfly number, a super-sensitive feeling month can be a little tough to endure for the three. You might have your moments of feeling jittery or on-edge as your mind tries to logically think its way through the river of emotions surfacing this month. Resist the urge to rationalize your emotions. This is your moment to step down from the mind for a change and go with how you feel rather than what you think. You’re discovering the most authentic version of yourself and it can’t be done through thinking alone. Be especially aware in social situations this month because you’ll find you might be curt with or overly critical of others with emotions on the sensitive side. February will be a challenging month for the three but you’re up for it. You’re more intuitive than you give yourself credit for.

4: The four is the “doer” of the Life Theme Numbers. They’re the practical, organizational foundation builders. The feeling realm isn’t necessarily their go-to place as they would rather do first and think/feel second. The realm of the heart/emotions doesn’t follow the logic of the mind so a highly charged feeling month can make the four feel out of their element and out of sorts. The beginning of this month might have you feeling like a fish out of water but you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the many moments you’ll catch yourself leaving the world of logic and reason and floating in the space of intuition. The best part about being a four is that when inspiration hits, you’ve got the physical energy to bring it to fruition in a hurry.

5: The five is next to the two on the birth chart and is the second most sensitive Soul Plane Number. Five is the number of the heart/emotions and when a five is in the midst of two energy, it isn’t too shabby at navigating the emotional waters. This month’s energy will have you keenly aware of your emotional self and less likely to react in emotionally charged situations. You’re in introvert mode right now, something the freedom of expression number isn’t necessary used to but you’re enjoying this solitude after the fast-paced experiences in January. As the month progresses, you’ll find that you’re making headway in the realm of relationships but it might be a one-sided situation for now. With your emotions attuned front and center but more in observation mode, you’ll start to see clearly the meaning and purpose behind the closer relationships in your life. You won’t necessarily take any action in changing those relationships until the intellectual energy of March (3) comes closer but the clarity you receive this month will get your mind churning in the right direction. Overall, expect to feel cool, calm and collected this month–something you haven’t felt in a while.

6: The six is the number of extremes with a strong positive and negative side. When you’re up, you’re up but when you’re down, you can go all the way down. Sixes are prone to self-sabotage and being critical of themselves and others (pessimistic). The key for the six is to always constantly be creating in some form (six is the number of creativity). When you’re not doing that, you end up in the negative vortex, spinning round and round. Under a two energy this month, it is self-reflective and subdued energy in terms of physical expression. It’s not a big outer action month and for the six (if they’re not conscious of it) it can spell trouble. One thing the six leans toward is creating “what-if” scenarios and vividly living them out in their mind. With emotions on the sensitive side this month, you could find yourself feeling more than a little anxious. Resist the temptation to put too much thought into how you’re feeling right now. Go with the flow as much as possible and more than ever, be sure to surround yourself with positive, people, places and things. As the nesting energy, you’re feeling more lovey-dovey this month but be cautious not to breach the line into co-dependent mode where you become judgmental, critical and narrow-minded instead of the broad-sighted nurturing visionary that you are.

7: The seven is no stranger to isolation for the sake of contemplation but this month you could take it overboard and become a hermit. The sevens are normally the “leap before thinking” Life Theme Number but under a subdued, low physically focused month, you’re head-first into the flip-side of the seven energy: Self-reflection and research mode. You’ll find this month you’re drawn to read more, research on the internet, watch some meaningful television or movies – all in search of answers. You’re using the sensitive and intuitive energy to map out your next phase. Relationship connections and your social life in general might take a hit this month because you’ll be way off the radar. That’s ok for now though as you’ve got your lesson plan laid out for you this month. You’re on a mission and need to go into your cave for some serious brainstorming.

8: As the number of wisdom, the eight is referred to as the knowledge bearer but this month you won’t be feeling as confident in your wisdom. You might find yourself grumpy and edgy at times because your stream of wisdom and knowledge has got a bit of static in the lines. You’re feeling off your game and discombobulated. You’ll likely find yourself switching back and forth frequently this month from wanting to fly solo to the desire to be in the company of others. Others may not get your all over the place behavior but you’re not overly concerned right now. You’re like a cat being rubbed the wrong way and frankly, you can’t wait for February to be over. In work and personal relationships, you could snap or lash out easily so be extra careful and mindful of what you say before you say it. You have less than enough patience for others this month. As March approaches, your sense of balance and equilibrium will return and your flow of wisdom will be gushing again. Be patient with yourself and use this disconnected time as a period of recharge.

9: Surprisingly, as the most active mental number, you’re rather enjoying this highly emotionally charged month for a change. You’re embracing the love mode and gushing on others close to you. Your humanitarian charm is shining bright and you’re extra patient and helpful. If you find yourself whistling a happy tune while you walk or smiling at a stranger, relish the moment and breathe it in. You can be overly serious with your black and white, right and wrong outlook so this is a refreshing change of pace for you. February’s energy has you feeling as though the world is your oyster and anything is possible. The focus of your month is relationships but not starting, ending or changing them. It’s simply about enjoying the meaningful time you spend with those you care about. This deepening of the important connections in your life will bring you a sense of equilibrium to help you stay focused during the high change spring months ahead. You’re all about selfless service but you can’t keep giving until the well is dry. You’ll end the month with a feeling as though your emotional and spiritual belly is pleasantly full.

10/1: After the one energy of January, February’s soulful two energy feels like it’s hit you like a ton of bricks. It may take you the first week or so to slow down enough to begin enjoying the lighter flow and slower pace of the month’s energy. Thankfully you’re the number of adaptability and most ten’s can be like cats in the sunshine if they want to be. It’s just going to take you a minute to adapt because going from January to February is like oil and water. Once you do, you’ll be happily fitting in as many downtime moments as you can. You won’t be feeling overly ambitious this month and that dream vacation keeps popping into your head at work. You’re also not taking much seriously right now and that includes relationships. You’ll take an “it is what it is” approach and let things slide for now. As for contemplation or self-reflection this month, you really just feel like being “offline” to chill for a bit. Take a road trip to a fun destination or buy yourself something that makes you feel good and don’t feel guilty about not accomplishing much in the next few weeks.

11/2: Pivotal could be a word to describe your month. You’ve got a double whammy two energy (you are a two at the base and February is the second month) going on and it’s calling you to be on the spiritual mountain, looking back to where you’ve gone and looking ahead to where you want to go next. You’re making some major inner decisions this month about who, what, where and why. It’s happening at a rapid pass too, leaving you feeling a little breathless from the high speed shifting. Of all the Life Theme Numbers, you’ll walk away with the most clarity this month. There’s no time for relationship drama when you’re in such serious inner change mode. More so than relationships, your soul searching is more about your path and purpose right now as you’re feeling a call to your post. Let the revelations and epiphanies hit you as they come and don’t worry about the break-neck speed at which you seem to be climbing that spiritual mountain. You won’t slip or fall because it’s your time to figure things out.

22/4: Whenever two and four energies collide, you get what could be referred to as “practical spirituality”. It is a realm where intuition leads action, as it should be. For the twenty-two four in the second month, it can be one of the few Life Theme Numbers that experiences both inner and outer action. Typically a two month is self-reflective and not big on action but your energy as the four at the base gives wings to the sensitive two. You have a knack for translating the intuitive hits into plans of action and implementing them. This month you’ll actually see more outward progress than you did in the pioneering new beginnings energy of January. Career-wise, you’re pumping out ideas and solutions, being the Master Builder you were born to be. Relationship-wise, you’re seeing things for what they really are and taking practical steps to improve the situation. February you’re on the ball and in your element.

33/6: One of the greatest challenges of the thirty-three six is self-doubt and self-criticism. This month you’re feeling particularly vulnerable to and affected by the critics from those around you. In both love and career you’ll be shaky in your confidence and abilities. Like the six Life Theme Number, it’s critical to avoid negative people, places and things this month. Your main focus should be on self-nurturing in February. Carve out as much “me time” as possible. Take relaxing walks, soothing bubble baths or treat yourself to some retail therapy that will help you feel like you’re worth it. Now more than ever you need to be conscious of when you go into autopilot with your insecure thoughts and feelings. Keep in the forefront that you are the Master Teacher, the one who has limitless potential for success. You won’t really take any big steps forward in your master plans or goals over the next few weeks but that’s ok. You’re not meant to right now. It’s crucial to your success to feel like you have something worthy to share with the world. Without that, you become your own greatest enemy and become the self-sabotager.

February 2014 – The Month of Love, Self-Nurture and Embracing the REAL You was last modified: February 6th, 2014 by Michelle Arbeau

The trees around our condo property are being trimmed as I write this. In Florida, nature is powerful – things grow fast here and can quickly get out of balance. With the winds that blow over this great peninsula and the upcoming hurricane season, pruning, trimming and fertilizing is critical to helping the trees and the buildings stay safe, regardless what comes our way.

This reminded me that we should do regular life maintenance so that things work as they should; we should prune, trim and fertilize in our own lives.

Prune. There are things in life that need to go – big changes. Like trees that need larger branches removed for their overall health and strength, some of the things in our lives need to be pruned. Perhaps they are unhealthy habits or relationships we have. Perhaps it is a thankless and tedious job that undervalues and under-employs our talents. Perhaps it is a group of friends that don’t share our values about life, relationships or money. Perhaps it is a connection to a family tradition that has served its time and purpose and needs to go. We have a tendency of holding on to things in our lives that should be discarded. Prune the things that don’t serve you. Prune the things that keep you from knowing your true self, living your purpose and achieving your potential. You own this life and all that happens in it and to it. Don’t be afraid to cut out the things that do not allow you to achieve your greatest and most creative self.

Trim. There are things that need some redirection and small changes. Because not all parts of the trees grow at the same rate, they frequently need trimming to even things out. In life it is the same – some things may not need heaving pruning, but rather some gentle trimming. It may be a relationship that just needs a bit more attention – another phone call a week – to keep it healthy. It might be a minor change in eating habits to include more fresh and organic vegetables in the diet. It might be the inclusion of a morning affirmation to start the day out more powerfully and with greater happiness. Small adjustments when done in a timely way can yield tremendous results.

Fertilize. We are always growing – and for that to happen well, we need to constantly feed what matters. Trees need the right combination of minerals and water to stay healthy; tree health starts at the base – at the roots. It is the same with us. We should fertilize our brains with new and powerful perspectives – ways to connect to our greatest abilities and show up powerfully to our lives. We should fertilize our hearts with meaningful and powerful relationships. We should fertilize our spirits with meditation, quiet time and an awareness and appreciation of our world. The more we feed ourselves with the right combination of what helps us grow into our best selves, the more firmly we connect to our lives.

We are like the trees – needing constant care to grow into our best selves. Big changes, small changes and constant learning provide us with what we need to show up powerfully to our lives, regardless what life storms come our way. We become solid, anchored and confident – nothing gets us to move from who we are.

What pruning, trimming and fertilizing do you need in life? Don’t wait for a strong wind (challenge) to blow you over. Be ready by preparing now.

Regular Life Maintenance was last modified: February 8th, 2014 by Jay Forte

It is finally our time. To heal these mortal rifts. To remember each other. We couldn’t do it until now. Liberated from your pain riddled earth-suit, I can feel you again. I am no longer afraid to get close. I know you won’t hurt me now. You have freed me to love you again. In fact, I feel you protecting me. Already. That purple sunset, that’s you right? That strengthening I feel inside- that’s you too, yes? You are speaking to me, through me. You are hearticulating your love. You have much to share. I understand- it was hard to say it then, with all that mortal pain between. But I can hear you, Papa. There’s nothing in the way now. No more hatred, no more misidentification, no more fear of showing our love. Nothing to hide, nowhere to hide it. Here we are, on the bridge between our hearts, beginning the healing. We have work to do. Lots of it. This is only our first purple sunset.

It’s an odd thing. I was sure I would abuse myself for being so distant for so long. I should have done this, or that, I should have visited more. But something has happened. I am treasuring myself. Suddenly the shame game looks ridiculous. Something more infinite is infiltrating my lens. Is that you, too? You are sending waves of kindness my way? It’s you, isn’t it? Your anger is gone- all I feel is your compassionate heart. You are speaking through me: “You must love yourself, my son. You must embody your magnificence. There is no need to doubt it. I am sorry that I shamed you”.

I need your support now. I have much left to do in my earth suit. I hope you will clear the path. I hope you will keep the dark forces at bay. Your call to write lives on in me. It was never lost. You loved it forward. I will write for you, too. The world didn’t know what greatness you are made of. But I do.

Please hold me safe until it is my time to join you, Dad. One day I will meet you there, in the wordless wonder. One day we will heal it all, in the ever knowing. One day we will ride together on the wings of our love. In the meantime, rest in love, Albert Ronald Brown. I am holding your spirit safe, too.

Our daughter and her husband have a St. Bernard. And even though their St. Bernard isn’t as huge as some of the breed, she is still a very BIG dog. It’s really interesting to watch other people approach the dog when out on a walk or at the park.

Some people, especially children, will rush up eagerly shouting, “Look! It’s Beethoven!” They’re referring to the lovable St. Bernard featured in the 1990s family movie series.

Others aren’t so excited to be around a canine of this sort. They cross to the other side of the road or visibly shrink back and try to give the dog plenty of space. Perhaps they’re remembering the classic Stephen Kinghorror novel-turned movie “Cujo” in which a gentle St. Bernard contracts rabies and viciously attacks a neighborhood.

What’s most intriguing about watching these reactions is to see how they affect the dog.

Depending on whether people treat her as a “Beethoven” or a “Cujo,” our daughter’s pup will play the part. Of course, she’s never ever bitten or hurt anyone, she does bark and lunge at those who are obviously nervous and fearful around her. Conversely, when people respectfully approach with confidence, the dog is happy for the attention and soaks in the petting and praise.

What’s all of this dog stuff have to do with your relationship?

A whole lot!

Most of us aren’t fully aware of what our expectations are when we approach the ones we love. We allow past experiences, assumptions, stereotypes and beliefs about ourselves and others to dictate how we are in any situation.

This shapes what we see and also what we get.

If you enter a room feeling bristly, defensive and certain that someone isn’t going to approve of your idea or plan, this dooms the conversation before it even begins.

If you’re certain you’ll be rejected, that will come through in your body language and your tone of voice and you’re more likely to hear a dismissal or a “no” even if that’s not exactly what the other person says.

We walk into a situation sure that things will go a certain way and, when they do, that expectation is cemented in our minds as “this is the way it has to be with this person or under this set of circumstances.” We don’t see the role we played or consider that a different approach might yield different (clearer and more favorable) results.

The tricky thing about this is that expectations are usually built on real experiences.

Your partner has a habit of yelling when you make a mistake.
Your teenager usually argues when you make a request.
Your co-worker has let down you too many times to count in the past.

You’re not making this stuff up!

But it’s even more difficult for the people in your life to actually follow through, to cooperate, to treat you with kindness, love and respect when you’ve already written the scene in your mind before it’s had a chance to unfold.

The way you propose your idea or ask for what you want is already transmitting to the other person that you won’t be surprised when he or she repeats the past– even if there were other occasions in the past that were actually different.

And here’s where so many of us sabotage our relationships…

We hyper-focus on the disappointments, the hurt feelings, the “bad” times and overlook the examples of the ones we love supporting us, keeping promises and treating us with consideration and respect.

So, if what you see is what you get and you’re not getting what you want from your relationships (and your life), isn’t it time to consciously change your view?

Clear yourself for what’s next.Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh’s simple yet powerful meditations are well known. Everyday activities can be a place for breathing and mindfulness. And presence. He recommends pausing before you pick up the phone, for example, and taking a moment to breathe in, breathe out and smile. After this, then you will be ready for the conversation with whomever is calling.

Apply this practice to any interaction you have with loved ones. Clear your expectations with a few slow and deep breaths and invite in a smile too. Experiment with this and see what happens.

Focus on what you do want.
It’s okay to gently hold in your mind an image of the experience you’d like to have with this person. You can remain open and hear what he or she has to say while also keeping alive what’s most important to you about the specific situation and about your relationship too.

Reach for an image of what you want that feels believable and is desirable. You might not know exactly how you and your partner will resolve a disagreement, but you can see in your mind the two of you communicating with love and cooperating in a pleasing way.

Cultivate this openness and focus on what you do want (instead of on what you’re afraid of) and watch the way this shifts your view of what’s possible…and what actually happens.

What You See Is What You Get was last modified: February 2nd, 2014 by Susie and Otto Collins

“Since what others may do to us is not in our power to change, we need only concern ourselves with what we do to ourselves… for this is in our power.”

There is always a moment before a problem starts with another human being where we realize that what we want is not going to happen. Ordinarily we’ll say the other person is about to “ruin my day.” But there is, for those of us who want to understand, not only a way for our day not to be ruined, but a way for us to elevate both ourselves and the other person, or at least give them the opportunity to change their lives as well our own.

The nature of change has nothing to do with what another person has done to us. What the other person did presented us with a moment of grace — the opportunity for us to see that the reason this happened is so that we are moved to where we can take the next step in our life. We can use this painful moment to prove to ourselves that not only has what we’ve wanted all along not worked, but there exists something that if we change what we want, we can begin to know ourselves at a higher level.

A self-working man or a woman, the person to whom and in whom the Truth begins to become a living force, cannot have a bad day or a bad relationship. It’s impossible, because everything that happens to that self-working man or woman is used for the purpose it was created, which is to help the person discover first the condition they’re actually in, and then to be moved to read it, and to want the understanding that rests above them.

What happens when we get hurt by another person? We either lash out in the moment we feel hurt, or we run the other way. Have you ever changed another human being by lashing out at them or running away from them? It is not our power to change anyone. All that happens is the experience (that is there to bring us understanding) just keeps repeating itself… over and over again. Our experience always brings us to this moment of truth where we have the possibility of changing what happens to us.

This is what is in our power to do: Whenever someone hurts us, we can put our understanding first and remember that this person cannot do anything different toward us than what he or she understands to do. Simply put, the person who is hurting us is doing the best they know how to do… and no one wants to be punished for their ignorance. The only way that person will ever know what they don’t know is when we stop punishing them for it. But here’s what we say: “That’s not good enough!” Then we try to drag them through a change, which means we resist their negative behavior. And what do we do when someone resists our negative behavior? We just hunker down all the more. So our resistance to their state not only keeps their state alive, but we’re convinced that we’re different than them, when really it’s one secretive relationship perpetuating itself.

In the moment that I feel hurt, I am in a space where I’m upset with you because of what you just did to me. That space wouldn’t exist if I weren’t standing as a secret opposite to the other person. What I’m looking at and feeling is really me. Therefore, what’s mandatory in that moment is to realize that this space that I’m in – meaning my sense of self and all of the relationships that are producing this sense of self – must be abandoned. This is what is in our power to do: Instead of placing our attention on the person that we say has hurt us, we can place our attention and our wish on Love. I intentionally place it on my understanding that, even though I can’t see it at the moment, the Love that would free me from this moment exists right there within me, above me.

When I understand that this human being could not do better than they’re doing right now, and even though I’m sure they’re wrong, they’re the worst thing that ever happened… I can realize: that doesn’t help me. That doesn’t take me to the next level, and I can’t make the other person go there… it’s impossible. Therefore, I must quit the relationship that seems to be the only possibility at that moment, and join myself to the relationship that I know in my heart stands here even if I can’t see it, and I can intend the Truth. I intend to be in relationship with what I know.

This is a key problem for us: I know the Truth is above me, and right now I’m angry and upset, and I don’t feel any love at all. But by the same token, I know that what I am feeling is not only conducive to keeping this conflict going, but it’s not letting me rise above myself. What I must do is understand that above me sits this Truth, this Love, this Goodness, and here is where I am, and that there exists some relationship between where I am and where I long to be.

Nothing in the universe can prevent a man or a woman who wants to know Love, who wants to reach the next level, from reaching it. The entire universe is set up for the purpose of us realizing our intention. The whole thing is designed for us to succeed at rising. When we understand the true nature of change, we can begin to intend that. It is not necessary to strive to succeed or to blame oneself if one doesn’t. As we allow our understanding of the truth about our relationships to guide us, we will change… and we will know the change that we go through was given to us by something above us, and we will continue to long for that until our life is one beautiful upward movement. Truth promises it.

New Powers to Help You Perfect Your Relationships was last modified: March 28th, 2014 by Guy Finley

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Shayne Traviss

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After over 20 years of marketing, promoting and producing others I've decided to open a new chapter in my life.
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Founded by Shayne Traviss formerly VividLife.me was an online resource for personal growth through over 10,000 blogs, audio conversations and videos, from thought leaders, best-selling authors and wellness experts from around the globe. VividLife.me provided engaging conversations on consciousness and human potential with Arianna Huffington, Jane Fonda and Alanis Morrissette, wisdom packed blogs from spiritual Icons Iyanla Vanzant and Ram Dass, Green Tips from David Suzuki’s Queen of Green, Advice from Award Winning Parenting and Relationships Experts, Recipes from Vegetarian, Vegan, Raw Chef’s and more… and reached and inspired over 3 million people around the globe.
However sometime's growth involves digging up the dirt and planting anew...
And after over 20 years of marketing, promoting and producing others Shayne Traviss decided to open a new chapter in his life.
If you long to go higher, live a life 'all in' join him as he dives in deep sharing his life experiences, travels and inspirations for living a VividLife.