The minute I became a mother something inside of me changed. I went from being a 26 year old woman focused primarily on myself to caring deeply for this little human being. I became selfless overnight. I no longer cared about what I ate (other than staying away from certain foods to prevent any tummy issues for my newborn breastfeeding son), what I wore, whether or not I really slept or if I left the house or not. As you can imagine this kind of self sacrifice probably wasn’t in anyone’s best interest, despite my thinking that I was the ultimate mother to my son. It was easy to isolate myself from others and spend hours sitting on the couch nursing my baby and watching reruns of the CBS show CSI. My son was born during the Minnesota winter and we didn’t see the bare ground until early April that year. The longer I stayed inside, huddled in my house, the more disconnected I felt from society.

Looking back I thought I was doing what was best for my son. I was keeping him out of the cold wind and keeping him away from all of those nasty germs that seem to creep up during the winter months. Perhaps it was the best decision for him to stay away from the life that was happening outside my own four walls; I will tell you one thing though I was miserable. I felt lonely, unappreciated and I had forgotten who I was B.B. (before baby). Didn’t anyone see my self-sacrifice? This baby couldn’t give me a progress report like I had become accustomed to while working in Corporate America. My focus was solely on my child which was a good thing but hear me out on this: it wasn’t the best thing. No, it wasn’t the best thing… for either of us.

While I was busy keeping my primary focus on my child I started forgetting who I was. In losing that knowledge I lost myself and I lost my sense of happiness. I was like a mindless wandering robot; meandering in and out of life’s events never fully appreciating all that was around me. I started writing again and that thing inside of me, the creativity that I was so lacking in my own life started bubbling up. I began to find myself again through my own writing.

No one was reading my blog. It really was something that I only did for myself; like a little secret that only I knew. I could escape to my laptop and pound out my thoughts and feelings on the keyboard. The more I wrote the more I enjoyed life. I started honing in on the little nuisances during our day; I found joy in the little things and a sense of accomplishment in the everyday battles that we had overcome. I opened up my eyes and saw the world happening around me.

What I’m trying to say is that making your child or children the sole focus of your life may seem like the ultimate motherly thing to do but at what cost? My fear has always been losing myself and who I am apart from my child. Eventually, they will leave my nest and then what will I do? This is why it is imperative for us as mothers to not lose our sense of self apart from our children.

Whether you need a creative outlet like writing or you need a physical outlet like running; or even if you need to take a special cooking class just for you because you genuinely enjoy cooking, do it. Do it for yourself and don’t feel guilty about it. By having a little focus on yourself, you’re giving your children the best thing you possibly could: a happy mother who knows who she is outside of her children.

Elizabeth "Bert" Anderson is a stay-at-home mom of two living outside of the Twin Cities and the writer behind the blog, First Time Mom. She's a lover of cloth diapers, pop culture, health and fitness, and the blessings that comes with being a mother.

I can relate to this article 100%. When I had my daughter she became my world and I forgot about everything else. But, in the end I also felt lonely and isolated. Now my daughter is still my world but I work part time, I spend QT with hubby, I reached out to other moms to form friendships. And now I may not give 100% of my time to my daughter, but I know that the time I do give her is definitely more quality because I am happier and more content

Comment by Bekah Kuczenski on August 5, 2013 at 1:09 pm

I think this is so important. I spend much less time on my hobbies now than I did before I had kids, but I still try to make time most days to read, sew, or spend some time with friends, because it makes me feel happier, and it is a good example for my kids because I want them to see that I have talents and interests and they should too. I think it’s really good for our self-esteem to sometimes spend time learning, creating, or helping in some way.

Comment by Marcelaine on August 5, 2013 at 3:02 pm

It is so hard to be sure that you do things for yourself because you are so wrapped up in making sure your family is taken care of. I have found when people ask me what I like to do I have no idea.

Comment by Tiffanie on August 6, 2013 at 11:12 pm

I totally agree with this. At times I find I am so content just to hibernate with my daughter that I forget there is a world out there and a wonderful hubby who needs my attention too. Thanks for putting things back into perspective…again.

Comment by Traci on August 7, 2013 at 1:40 pm

With my first child, I went back to work part-time 8 weeks pospartum. At the time, it was pretty hard, but we got used to it. With my second child, I didn’t go back to work and I feel like I’ve been so isolated. When I was working it forced me to get up and prepare for the day. But now, well, it’s hard sometimes. Thanks for the article and reminding me that I’m not alone.

Comment by Jutta Pearce on August 7, 2013 at 2:28 pm

Your words speak volumes! Your child will see you and how you behave. You are their #1 role model. Be the person you want your child to grow up to be <3

Comment by Amanda Bolduc on August 12, 2013 at 9:49 am

Amen! This is so true and, sadly, so common.

Comment by Melissa C. on August 12, 2013 at 10:24 am

Um … I TOTALLY relate! It’s so hard not to let “mommyhood” become my entire identity when it threatens to take over all of my waking (and often, my non-waking) hours. I’ve tried to make it a point to read non-parenting books, tackle larger study projects, baking from scratch, writing letters, etc, just to remember that there ARE things to do in life outside of parenthood. So good for the soul, and I think it makes me appreciate mommyhood all the more!

Comment by Stephanie on August 12, 2013 at 1:18 pm

I have also learned that it’s okay that sometimes my needs have to come before my kids’ wants. Oddly enough, when my son was a newborn I struggled with that sometimes. I am a little embarrassed now when I think about some of the times I postponed my needs (showers and lunch, mainly) for too long because he was crying and wanted to be held.

Comment by Marcelaine on August 12, 2013 at 1:21 pm

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