I’m sorry I pushed you harder and further than you were ready for. Your vulnerability, and honesty was met with harshness. And later, insecurity, emptiness, and pain. Your dancing has dissipated, your despair ever present.

Instead of protecting you and treating you like the fierce violet feather that you are, I assumed a more passive role letting the world take you on and forgetting to advocate for you. I took you for granted. You were and are more delicate than a bud in the springtime. In bloom you are growing and need more nourishment, than I could supply. Hastily I threw you into the arms of another without a second thought: Were they better or worse for you than I was? These realizations, far too late cannot make up for the way you took scars, swallowed smoke, coughed down self-medicated injustice and toxins.

I only have one of you, yet I treat you as dispensable, second-hand – comme des ordures .

I cannot express how much this spontaneous, yet temporary, move to Ottawa, Ontario has opened my mind, my heart and shown me a different side of myself. My weekends are for exploration – thank goodness for friends and family with cars. Praise the Lord that they are willing to make my dreams come true, let me pull out my camera and try new things.

If you know me at all, you know that two of my favourite things are wine and being by the water. Niagara Falls and the Great Lakes have hundreds of amazing wineries and views. This means, my weekend my stellar.

Sometimes I would rather travel solo – it makes for a deeper reflection and appreciation for the nature around you. It increases the about of socializing with strangers and integration into the local culture. You can create your own selfish itinerary without considering anyone else’s comments or goals. I had a few chances to sneak away, and these were some of the best moments of my entire weekend (beside snuggling and running after my ADORABLE twin baby cousins in Toronto).

Your 20s are for mishaps, mistakes and meaningful exploration. I have a finite amount of time on this earth and I intend to discover all that my life has to offer. With my health, my support systems and my innate desire to discover, I am set.

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Summer 2017, you are more than I ever dreamed you would be. I am 100% certain that teenage me would never have been able to predict the wonders, joys and delicious treats that you’d have in store for us.