No she isn't. The new Jordie WILL win this contest. Proof? She will go get that cheesecake and throw it in the trash. She is strong. She is powerful. She is your future. Now, get out there - you have a closet to clean!

__________________Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, which you have from God, and that you are not your own?ICor 6:19My Pictorial Journey" "My Goal Story

I say there has to be something causing this. Jillian Michaels talked about this on her radio show Sunday (Which I just listened to today, thanks to on demand internet). There is something, you just have to dig deep, drag it out, and beat it.

Could it be you are somehow afraid of failure? That you are getting more attention and it is uncomfortable for you? That you are so afraid, maybe so convinced, that you will put it all back on that somewhere inside you are going ahead to make that happen?

There is something behind this...throw the cheesecake away, get a notebook and start writing. Or go for a long jog in the morning and think hard. Whatever lets your mind go to work, get busy figuring this out. I really, really believe there is something there you just haven't uncovered yet.

I have had binges I thought were for no reason at all, but I write my thoughts out and end up writing things I didn't even know I felt. i am petrified of attention turned toward me and tend to self-sabotage once others start to notice...thus why I knocked off 30 lbs, just enough to get comments and questions, then started putting it back on. I uncovered that after a very long binging week and it has been different for me ever since.

Old Amanda DOES win some battles, sometimes. BUT - I second what everyone else said - New Amanda not ONLY won the war, she learned what brings old Amanda out and learned new tricks for future battles. And you will too!

And honestly, think about how many times New Jordan has kicked Old Jordan's butt already? Quite a few times, I'd wager, to have lost 70 lbs! So she has done, and will do again, and each time Old Jordan wins a battle, New Jordan will learn new tricks for defeating her.

Thank you all for your comments. The remaining junk food has been properly disposed of and I am ready to return to battle tomorrow. I love this site, thank you again for your kind/honest replies. -New Jordan

Oh boy do I hear you. I wonder if I will never, ever do away with old Robin.

Funny thing is, I hadn't heard from her too much while I was in the losing portion of my journey, but then this thing called maintenance came along - and there she was. Back. Back. Back.

I think these things are going to happen from time to time. It's just the way we are. It's great though that you recognized the behavior and were upset by it.

Rest assured that New Jordan is healthier, happier, waaaay smarter and has learned so much now and knows just how to handle old Jordan and knows how to keep her at bay - majority, make that LARGE majority of the time. Old Robin peeks her head in every now and then - but like has already been said, New Robin wins out MOST of the time - and ya know what - that's good enough.

Glad you are feeling better. I hope to be hearing lots more from you Jordan, mostly NEW, occasionally old.

Everyone else has already said it all, but I just have to add: old Jordan is NOT the real you. You get to choose who you are, which you've already done by losing all that weight and giving yourself a new life. You'll make mistakes, as we all do, but that doesn't change who you've become.

__________________LisaStart by doing what's necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly you are doing the impossible. -- St. Francis of Assisi

So funny, isn't it? You are sailing along, feeling so strong and invincible, and all of a sudden it's like you have a split personality that takes over your body and does something horrifying. Except you are aware of going on, and screaming at yourself the whole time, to no avail!
I think old Jordan and new Jordan are the same person. Old Jordan has taught herself some new tricks, but sometimes reverts to the old habits. The new tricks are habits by now too, though. As somebody said, there is a reason for this, but I'm not big on introspection, so I have no clue what that reason is for me, and probably never will. You may have more success there than me. But you are doing great and your new habits will win out over the old. We just have to keep on going, despite our hiccups! Hang in there!

__________________Life's a journey, not a destination.It's easier to stay on plan than to get back on plan.