in her words

Kellie Borden: It Had to Be Jesus

The 700 Club

CBN.com
 Hi my name is Kellie Borden. I’m from Pennsylvania, and I grew up loving horses. I grew up in a family who didn’t really know how to communicate very well, so it left me feeling very isolated, very lonely, and very insecure.

And the loneliness that I felt started causing me to die inside. And I just remember so many times where I would go to the woods and ask, "Does anybody love me? Does anybody care about me? Uh nobody is ever around. Nobody ever asks ‘How’s Kellie doing?’, or ‘How is Kellie feeling today?’, or ‘How was your day today?’ "

When I was 15 I had gone through a lot of transition. I had just had a back surgery, gotten braces, and my parents had just gotten divorced all in the same month. My mom had also gotten remarried. I felt like my life was falling apart. And I fell into this darkness where nothing in the world made sense. I had no idea who I was.

I got together with some friends I had made in junior high school who liked to party. They liked to do drugs; they did it every weekend. They were really the people I felt accepted around. They were the people I felt really liked to be around me, and I had never experienced that before in my life. Every weekend I would go out, and the more I was around them, [the more] I wanted to be like them. So I started drinking, and I started smoking pot, and I started becoming more and more sexually active, thinking that was the right thing to do, that was what people did that felt loved.

I thought that after only sleeping with one guy it could never happen to me.
I was 19, I had found out I had this STD, and that had eventually turned into pre-cancerous cells. They told me at that moment that if I had let it go there was a possibility that I would need a hysterectomy, and that I wouldn’t be able to have children. At 19 years old I was devastated. I thought there was no hope. I didn’t think there was anyway out of this, nothing looked right. Nothing looked like it would work out.

One day I just wanted to end it, and so I popped a bunch of pills and literally came so close to dying. At the same time I was going through all this I was in college, and I met this guy. He told me that his parents were pastors of a church in downtown where we lived.

The first day that I walked into the church I remember just feeling such love and peace. I had never felt that before in my entire life. I just felt so at home. I remember just being like - is this really real? Because I don’t know what love feels like, but I think I do now.

After the service a gentleman approached me with my friend’s mom and said he had a word from the Lord for me. He basically started telling me things about my past, things about my future, things that I had never even shared with my friend before.

So in that moment I knew that it had to be Jesus. He just became so real to me. I remember saying “Lord, Jesus, this has to be you. This has to be you. There is nobody else in the world that would know this but you.” So I just lost it, I cried and I wept and I got on my knees and said, “Lord, I don’t know what this means, but I know that I want to know you. And I want you to show me who you are.”

In March 2006, I had gone back for my other check-up, and I had found out that the cells had returned and they were even more aggressive than they were the previous time. But at this time I did know the Lord, and I was building a really strong relationship with Him. And I looked at this as an opportunity to really trust Him. I got up every morning at 5 a.m., and I got my Bible. I fell flat on my face every morning and I prayed, and I prayed, and I prayed.

My next check-up was in October. Come October my tests were completely clean. No HPV, no cells, nothing. It was gone. For the first time in two-and-a-half years I had a completely clean test. To this day I am so thankful because you know the power of God when He heals you of something like that.

He pulled me out of the darkest place of my life, [at ] the last moment when I was going to end my life. He pulled me out of it. And it’s just the evidence of His pursuit of me. I love the Lord with all my heart because I’ve learned who He is, and who He is makes me who I am.