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Friday, April 18, 2014

"P" is for Pride: A-Z Challenge

(From Bing but when I thought of Pride, I thought American Pride - 'Merica!)

“Do you need anything?” Devin asked.

“No, I’m fine.” I said. It would be nice to have something to eat, I thought.Ever since the
migraine hit, I hadn’t eaten.

~~@~~@

“Is there something wrong?” Devin asked.

“No.I’m fine.” I
answered. I wondered why he couldn’t figure out what was wrong.Then, I realized he wasn’t a mind reader.

Wash.Rinse.Repeat.

I’d had that same type of conversation with multiple
people.I refused to allow people to
know I needed something.Or more
importantly, I wanted their help.

It was my pride getting in the way.It’s like I had this little voice whispering
in my ear.“Don’t admit you want help,
Elsie.It’ll make you appear weak.You’ll seem like you don’t have control over
things.”

Now I know it's okay not to have control all the time. I'm not supposed to be in control. It's not my job. I leave that to God. Sometimes it's a daily struggle. Other times, I let go without any problems at all. Most of the time, I'm comfortable not being in full control.

Every so often, that inner voice will pipe up.I have
to remind myself that it’s okay to admit I’m in pain, or I don’t know how to do
something.It’s okay to put my pride
aside and ask for help.

27 comments:

That's right - it's God's job. He does it much better than we do. By a lot.I think that's something we learn with age. I have no qualms asking for help now, either at work or home. Why waste time doing it wrong, struggling, or suffering?

I agree, Alex. God does it much better than we can ever do it. I also agree that with age we really don't have as much problem asking for help as we did when we were younger. Strange that we're so stubborn when we're young.

Pride is a strange one for me. Sometimes I have too much and sometimes I don't have much and I'm okay asking for help. A lot of the time I'm not good with it though. I think it depends on what it is, and who I'm asking. It's okay to ask for help but even then there are people you feel you don't want to ask, or can't.

I can be like that too, Mark. I think it can depend on who it is I'm asking for help from. I'm getting better about it, but sometimes, it can still be tough to ask for help. For some reason, I don't mind asking my kids. Not sure why that is..

That's a great point! I love a great challenge. But, when it's detrimental to me, it's not a challenge, it's just me being stubborn. Now hubby will say something like, "Are you being difficult? Want me to help you with that?"

I think that's the key. To be aware of when it's pushing too hard, versus be able to do more. There's a balance in there. Knowing it makes all the difference.

Barnes for us today. But up first, lunch. Today's menu, waffle sticks. My gosh, I love this little machine. Only $20 at Target and I'm having a blast. So far, nothing sticks but that's because I followed the instructions and they wrote, no spray oils.

This is the best. I will never use spray again.

And that's too much information but I'm really excited to make more waffle sticks in my pretty Bella machine. You have a groovy day. I hope you feel all the way better soon. Sorry you have migraines.

I admit that I dance around things too, esp. w/ Russell. He gets so frustrated with me and my 'if you want to' or 'whatever you want' or 'no that's OK' or 'no I'm fine'....He's like, 'just give me a straight answer!'

Thanks, Debra. I still have the damn thing. What a way to spend a Saturday. I love your gay and lesbian pride!! I've learned so much from you. I thought I knew all sorts of stuff growing up on Long Island (so close to Fire Island) but you've really taught me tons. =)

ha. i really dont like the mind reading trick...its no replacement for good communication you know...smiles.asking and allowing others to help is something i struggled with all the more when i was younger...and that is pride...smiles.

Oh boy, does this resonate with me! I can't count the number of times I've gotten angry at my partner for not being a mind reader. It's totally unfair, and it's totally pride. I'm working on it as consciously as I know how!

I've had the same problem all my life, but I don't know if it is driven by pride so much as it is driven by shame. I don't feel any sense of pride over my accomplishments. Most of what I do is done in an effort to keep shame at bay. The Spawns new boyrfriend (whom I will refer to as "The Future Son-inLaw), kindly offered to help out in the yard and around the house as he can see I am drowning. It took him a week of pounding at me to get me to let him and then the whole time he was working, I felt ashamed that I wasn't doing that particular job myself.

This made me sad, Anne. You've accomplished so much. Been through so much. Yet, you're still so hard on yourself. It goes back to that Catholic guilt. You and I have to remember we have limitations now. We have to remember to let some stuff go. Not give up but ease up. Do what we can but share the burden. Especially when we have someone who is younger and able to take them. I'd say your SIL (omit future) is a keeper!! Let him have at it so you can enjoy the sunshine without the pain. No shame in that, my friend! xo