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Compiling years of zoological research, PETA reports, and common sense, experts have officially concluded that life as a cow must be pretty terrible.

“As a cow, you spend your entire day standing and eating grass in one of the most boring locations in America, and then you spend all night hoping to avoid being tipped over by mischievous teenagers who have nothing better to do because they also live in such a boring place,” explained a researcher who preferred to remain anonymous due to the controversial nature of these findings.

The researcher added, “While human wives have to put up with their husband’s crap, cows have to deal with some real bull shit.”

Modest job prospects are one motivating factor for low satisfaction ratings in some herds. Many cows will spend their entire life being fondled for their milk, and then their ultimate endgame is no better than being included in a Happy Meal. In addition, cows will almost never hear a compliment like “good job” or “great work” throughout their life but, if they are lucky, the final remark about them will be “Well Done.”

Despite all of the disbelief sweeping the campus, spring quarter is already here. Thousands of extremely confused Stanford students have come back to campus, only to realize that their general perception of time was completely warped. Here at the Flipside, we were a bit confused as well, so we contacted […]

So you want to seduce your professor. Not a problem! You may have already looked to the internet for help, but the WikiHow (which exists) will bring you nothing but heartache. Luckily, I’m hear to straighten things out!* Step 1: First Contact Send your professor an email about something plausible, […]

Hi all, tech guru Ken Waterman here, and I’m here to talk to you about Apple’s latest offering in their wildly popular iPad line, simply called “The New iPad.” While the new iPad is not without its flaws, some of which we’ll delve into later in the review, I can […]