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One of the main factors of having and keeping a good relationship is being able to trust, and have good communication. In order for others to trust us, we have to be able to become vulnerable, and show our vulnerability. Honesty and vulnerability go hand in hand. You cannot be totally, and genuinely truthful with another, without opening up fully to them.[...]

We are conceived through a connection, of the deepest kind, between a man and a woman, and from the moment that we are conceived, we are connected to our Mother in her womb. When that physical connection we began with is separated at birth, we spend our lives desiring to be connected again. How we go about, and how well we succeed, at re-creating that connection…becomes the story of our lives.[...]

I was raised in a family of givers, and caretakers, and the old fashion way, where the women wait on the men, and take care of the home, but in the world of relationships, that tenancy and upbringing, if taken too far, can get me into a whole lot of trouble with men, and ultimately be the downfall of any relationship. There is a fine line between caring for someone and allowing yourself to be a “puppet on a string”.
When you spend all of your time trying to please another person, at your own expense; they will see you as weak, possessive and clingy.[...]

I was reading an article by Zara Stevens, and it hit on something that has been on my mind a lot these past few years.
"You no longer make me happy anymore."
I heard this statement a lot at the end of my last relationship; that had started out with the most profound happiness that I could ever imagine. Both of us were filled with dreams that we were working to create together, along with supporting each other's individual dreams.
But then there came that "crack", as Zara put it.
I think that so many times part of the problem lies in the fact; that we meet someone, and they begin to bring so very much happiness into our lives, that each of you creates this perfect picture in your mind, about what a wonderful,[...]

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Her article touched on how, as we get older our bodies have a way of telling us to slow down, even though our mind tells us that we are superhuman, and can keep on going.

My comment to her article, was in essence; that I could certainly relate to this. I am a perfectionist and a workaholic, and I have a very hard time laying it all down, and if by chance I do take those much needed breaks, from imitating the Eveready Bunny, I find myself feeling guilty, and my mind is constantly racing, and wandering to all those things that need, or should be done instead.

But then I went on to reflect on how my son and my last Love, would often complain when, they would ask the simple request for me to sit down and watch a movie with them. I was simply unable to sit through the whole movie without, naively popping up, usually during commercial time, to do that…just one thing…usually taking much longer than the allotted commercial break. When all along, all they had asked from me was, to spend some much needed, and devoted time with them, and to share with me, something we were doing in common together. Even though we may not say much to each other throughout the movie, they needed for me to sit still, with them, and share the movie together.

I really didn’t comprehend what the problem was, or what they were trying to express to me. Swoosh, right over the top of my head, their justified comments and complaints flew.

One of the things that led to the breakup of my last relationship was, because he said that I was not fully committed to the relationship. He came to this conclusion, by observing several different patterns of mine, which I was oblivious to.

This man used to tell me, “Don’t tell me that you love me, show me that you love me.” There were times he would say, “You just don’t do.”

What? What is this? I run myself raged working 12 to 14 hours a day trying to contribute paying our bills, and keep my demanding job, I cook dinner, clean up the mess, take care of the house, do the grocery shopping… I help him with his house projects. What do you mean I don’t show you that I love you? What do you mean “I don’t do!” So I foolishly attempted to do even more, in an attempt to please him.

But what he was really, unsuccessfully, attempting to tell me was, to lay some of those things down, and spend some of that time with him. He wanted me to take the time to sit my fanny down, and watch the whole movie, without getting up during the commercials, to complete some chore. The feeling of connection.

He told me that I was the only woman that he knew, that needed to work for a sense of my own self worth. I thought he was trying to give me a compliment, when what he was trying to tell me, was that I was worth so much more than that. He wanted me to make him, and us, number one. The one individual that I started with, was now, the one that we created from, an us.

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Come join me on my quest to self discovery, discovering how and where I went wrong, and the healing process on my road to fulfilling my destiny. You might come to discover a bit about you, through me.
We are all here on this Earth to teach each other about ourselves.
See the post Did You Know? to see all those little things that bring "simple" joy to my life.