In Good Faith: Graduation wisdom from Uncle Matt

Thursday

Jun 8, 2017 at 12:04 PMJun 8, 2017 at 12:06 PM

Rev. Tim Schenck More Content Now

There’s a slew of advice slung around this time of year. Especially for the freshly minted high school graduate. Some is inspiring, some is heart-felt, some is cliched, some is unsolicited but either way, there’s no lack of it.

Whether through commencement addresses or notes to the graduates, the opportunities for doling out advice is legion. With my eldest son, Ben, graduating from Hingham High School this year, I’m particularly aware of the abundance of advice.

One of the endearing traditions at Hingham High is the presentation of the Red Envelopes. Here’s the deal: “Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, clergy and friends may send their senior student a special note of congratulations on his or her upcoming graduation. We will carefully keep these cards and notes for each student and distribute them to the seniors during their graduation rehearsal.”

I had a lot of fun writing Ben’s letter — as we all did — and am proud of him and his 2017 classmates.

The best letter he received, however, was from my brother Matt. Uncles are great, right? They can say things parents can’t and Matt has always had a great relationship with Ben. I asked Matt if I could share his letter with the wider world and I do think every high school graduate could benefit from Matt’s wisdom. Feel free to share it with that special graduate in your own life.

Dear Ben,You’re a high school graduate! Hurray!

One more step to go in your academic career! Well, unless you’re a masochist and choose more school after college. Either way, I’m here to congratulate, support, and give some free uncle-ly advice:

The real world is where the action is, and you’re right to want to zoom through college and get to the good stuff. Sure, post college life also has rules, schedules, and responsibilities, but at least they come with a paycheck. And while at school you’re rewarded for great performance with a vowel, out in the real world you get handed a bigger paycheck. I know what you’re thinking. It’s so close, you can almost taste the freedom.

But from someone who couldn’t wait to get out there and start achieving, take a deep breath. Slow down. You’re about to learn the big things that will help make you successful in the real world. And don’t worry — I’m mostly talking about things outside a classroom. Here’s my list of things you need from college, things that will make you succeed when it’s over, but that you can’t rush through:

1. Live without mom and dad. Seems simple, but it’s an adjustment whether you believe it or not.

2. Manage your time. Successful people do this without teachers or parents nagging them.

3. Learn how to hold your liquor. It’s better in business when the other guy is more drunk than you.

4. Learn internal motivation. The role of grownup as authoritarian is over. That’s a blessing and a curse. Make it a blessing.

5. Make deep friendships. That just happens at college. And you’ll need them. And they’ll be there when you do.

6. Question stuff. But don’t just ask why in a late night philosophical way. Ask how to change and improve. Then do it.

7. Don’t date one person the whole time. But don’t date a hundred people either.

8. Go abroad for a semester or a year. Just do it.

9. Don’t drop out. No matter what. You need the piece of paper. 0.1 percent of the time it works out and you only hear about those.

10. Be a brash and confident kid. But eventually, be humble. And thankful. Arrogance doesn’t win in the end.Have the best time! I’ll be visiting you and checking up on this list!

Congrats, Ben.

Love,Uncle Matt

What’s Matt doing these days? He’s doing his usual entrepreneurial thing, currently serving as Vice-President for Admissions at Smartly, the online MBA company. Previously, he led the global growth strategy as Executive Vice-President at Rosetta Stone. Oh, and he went to Williams College where he majored in psychology — mostly because he had no idea what to major in.

Happy graduation season, everyone!

— The Rev. Tim Schenck serves as Rector of the Episcopal Parish of St. John the Evangelist in Hingham, MA. Visit his blog “Clergy Confidential” at clergyconfidential.com or follow him on Twitter @FatherTim.