Before I tell you the tale of my St. Patrick’s Day nightmare of 2000, the picture next to this is not me. There isn’t any photo evidence of this event and I thank God that the invention of the “camera phone” wasn’t around yet. I didn’t change the names of any of my friends in this post, because I am the only one who looks like an ass in this story. I hope young men will read my adventure and note what I learned during my first drunken St. Patrick’s Day.

The first time that I got drunk was in October of 1999, just a few days after my 19th birthday. I was a freshman at Ball State University and was still trying to figure out the world. I came from a very small town in Indiana and I looked like I was 14 years old. I just came off a growth spurt and I started to shave once a week…things were looking up for me. Continue reading →