Project Runway: 9.3 Go Big or Go Home

The guest judge this episode is Kim Kardashian. The designers are broken into teams of two and must create outfits for stilt-walking models. I’m already disappointed because with the episode title and Kim K as a judge, I was really, really hoping this would be a BIG BUTT (so what!) episode! Embrace the big badonkadonk! Back that ass up!

Stilt models are soooo 2008.

Heidi comes clomping down the runway in stilts and everyone is all OMG. She tells them about the stilt walking challenge and wants the designers to think “REALLY BIG.” (again, big butts!)

Heidi randomly chooses the team pairs from the button bag.

Bert and Viktor (Viktor all but burst into tears. He made a face and when Heidi asked WTF? he said “My heart dropped.” Bert was all, what a cry baby.)

Anthony and Laura (they were actually sitting next to each other and started making out. But lipstick lesbians as a couple rarely work out because they end up fighting over shoes and mirror time.)

Joshua More!More!More! and Julie (Joshua is a little nervous as Julie’s last two designs seem a little LOST. I immediately time-traveled back two years and made out with Sawyer.)

Danielle and Cecilia (both are so bored with each other they had nothing to say)

Anya and Oliver (they are happy)

Kimberly and Becky (Kim is soooo over Becky’s plain designs)

Bryce and Fallene (the two who almost got aufed last week. Not a happy pair. Fallene actually says “I wanted to shit my pants.” Hey! Bryce made a dress for that last week!)

All the teams are meeting and bouncing ideas off each other, but Viktor and Bert are just being bitchy little girls. Well, Bert is. Viktor is talking to the model about their idea and he says “Kind of Queen Victoria like, but sexier.” And Bert says, “Queen Victoria was in mourning for 50 years. I don’t think that’s the direction I want to go.” Then he’s all “That’s not Victoria, that’s Elizabethan.” Viktor snapped his neck and was all “Whatever.” and Bert was like “Read a book.”

This is going to be the Bert and Ernie Viktor show it seems. They get pissy with each other while they are working out the design and Viktor actually calls Bert immature AS HE STOMPS OUT OF THE ROOM AND SLAMS THE DOOR IN A POUT. Hmmmm. Must reacquaint myself with the definition of immature.

Most teams seem to be doing okay, though Joshua More!More!More! says he and Julie could switch genders. AT one point Julie says if Josh wants to Bedazzle I’m going to let him do it. Kim can’t read Becky because she “stares a lot.” Team Doom (Fallene and Bryce) are trying to work together, but Bryce takes over. Emo Oliver actually smiles because he’s a little bit in love with Anya. Or as in love as he can be with her since she’s a she.

Today’s runway show is outdoor at Battery Park in front of a live audience and the press. It’s the first Project Runway outdoor event. All the designers are freaking out and nervous. Fallene is crying as they are setting up because she let Bryce take over and she knows that as Team Doom, they are in trouble. Tim tells her to buck up, little camper and just make the best of it.

Joshua More!More!More! and Julie are first down the runway. Joshua is really proud. Julie says it looks like a bedazzled Spanish matador that’s a little showy but appropriate for the event. Michael says Drama doesn’t mean tacky! It’s another Halloween costume. Nina says it’s bizarre because of her tiny arms and long legs. Heidi says it is very well made and looks sharp even for a circus outfit.

Bert and Viktor: Viktor says their garment is big and dramatic but he’s freaked out by the stilt models. Bert feels regret because he was “encumbered by Viktor.” Had he been alone, it would have been amazing. Michael calls this outfit wallpaper and curtains with a gold dust ruffle. Kim says it’s like when they took the curtains off to make their clothes in the Sound of Music. Nina says it’s a bad costume. Bert threw Viktor under the bus. Viktor says he owns the work but he’s not the one to go home. They bickered on the stage like the Honeymooners. GAH!

Team Doom: Bryce and Fallene: Bryce is excited and worried becasue they didn’t finish the bodice. Fallene calls it amateur hour. She’s still
crying. Heidi calls it Black Swan. Kim says it’s a tank top she wears to bed with a tie wrapped around the waist. Nina says it had a lot of promise. Michael loves the head piece.

Becky and Kimberly: Becky says their model looked awkward when walking. Kim loves their look but would like to change the pointy collar Becky added to the jacket. Heidi is very impressed with the tailored pants and what a show stopper this outfit is. Michael calls them fantastic tailors. Nina didn’t love the half-collar, but over all loves the outfit.

This episodes ‘Dream Team’ of Emo Oliver and Anya: Emo Oliver thinks the garment is cool but could have been better. Anya calls it beautiful but thinks it might be too simple. They are safe.

Cecilia and Danielle: Danielle loves, loves, loves, their outfit. It flows beautifully. However, she thinks they will be dinged for the model’s hair. Cecilia is proud of the garment, but agrees the hairstyle is going to be their downfall. Heidi likes the colors and the blouse and the sheerness. The HAIR ruins it. Michael Kors screams the hair is CRAZY. Kim thinks it’s rich and fabulous. Nina says it’s pretty but needs more drama.

Anthony and Laura: Laura thinks they have a great chance at a winning design. Anthony is super proud. He says their design is the WOW dress. Heidi likes their look a lot and sees a lot of work. Kim K. thinks the details make it look elegant. Nina also likes it and calls it beautiful, her only worry is that it doesn’t seem quite original.

Congratulations Anthony and Laura! Your design is the winner…but only Laura gets immunity.

Becky and Kim/Danielle and Cecilia/Josh and Julie are all in.

Bert and Viktor: fabric choice was wrong. Anything you could have done with it would have been bad. Bert is in.

Fallene and Bryce: the look was boring ballerina. Bryce, is in.

The bottom two are Fallene and Viktor. Auf Wiedersehen Fallene. Oh no. And here are the tears. She’s okay with it overall because she was in over her head anyway.

Copyright

All written words and original art work on HDJM should be considered as wholly owned by the author and/or site. Reprinting without permission will result in your being mocked mercilessly and we'll say nasty things about your mother, too. Oh, and maybe sue. Stealers need healers.