You’re probably used to giving your kids warnings (“That needs to stop right now!”), but do they work? You may find that your warnings are more effective when you tailor your approach to your child’s temperament.

Here’s a question to help you figure out what kind of approach to take:

How does your child react when you say, “This is your warning, if you do it again I’ll have to . . .”

One of my children used to interrupt my warnings as a personal challenge to “bring it on.” My other child reacted as if my warnings were an assault on his tender emotions.

Some children need warnings to be very direct and firm so they know you mean business. Other children do much better when you use a soft, gentle voice and confine the warning to information only. And some children need a blend of the two. Only you know what your child needs.

The Keys to a Successful Countdown

We’ve all said to our child, “You don’t want me to get to three!” Some parents even add, “I mean it.” That’s the point when a lot of parents wonder, “What am I going to do when I get to three?”

Many experts say being consistent is the answer, and I agree. But it’s not the full answer. If you don’t know what you’re going to do when you get to three, you can’t be consistent.

Most parents say, “I’m going to send her to time-out if I get to three.” But time-out tends to stop working when it’s overused, so consistently using time-out isn’t the answer either.

You can increase the chances that your child will listen if you say what’s going to happenas you count and if you say it in a way that’s suited to your child’s temperament. Your follow-through then becomes effortless because you’ve already announced what was going to happen.