Gently Joining

Blended movie pitches, inspired by the revival of a classicBarbeliththread and seeing the director’s cut of The Wicker Man over Christmas.

Wicker-Man

On holiday in the island of Summerisle, Peter Parker is nibbled by a radioactive rabbit and becomes Wicker-Man, the pagan superhero with the power to spontaneously combust. All goes well until Kirsten Dunst’s brazen nudity raises his temperature just that little too far...

The Running Man

Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a pious Scottish sergeant who flies to the Hebrides to investigate a murder, only to find himself caught up in the filming of Who Wants to Be a Pagan Sacrifice? Relentlessly pursued by game-show contestant villagers with chainsaws, he dons a thirty-foot high suit of wicker armour and mows them down with a geese-propelling bazooka.

Wicker: The Man and his Dream

Preston Tucker challenges the automobile industry of the 1940s with a bold new car design that’s thirty years ahead of its time, with seat-belts as standard, triple headlights, and all-leather cow interior. Unfortunately, the exteriors are made of wicker, and as soon as the cars are started they ignite.