Periodic Elements

Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class) of
elements:

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don't even go there)

Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at
any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity
with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able
to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to
a shinier specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth.
Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180+/-50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape
easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due
to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young
samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends
to form strong bonds with itself.

Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child) for prolonged period of
time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to
produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to
smell.