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Saturday, 26 April 2014

My words in our pages.

It's true i speak louder, and yap it's real i get wilder,It's true i do nag for the million time's,and yap it is never wrong for i open up myself in different views,it's true i seek thousand explanation,And damn true i genuinely question you more than necessary,No wonder my lady,No more wonder,It's not a single word in my pages that slipped from my mouth when i fail to put intoand neither to judge you;Judging to make it messier before it turns beautiful.It's not that i do every time to snatch those freedoms,a freedom to domesticate you. It's simple and sincere;It's's all those that begins from mad love and extreme care that has grown from the time you appear,Like those plants that grows even through broken walls,Since from the time when i get into you totally.Beginning the dawn when you show me the love in my love completelyIt's all those sincere love, that born everything crazily,with huge madness, it's a word of my page for why i bother you so much.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Unrecognized thoughts

I don't know for sure,
whether the particular things or stuffs happens to everyone or not; where some
particular thoughts or either the feeling bothers one so much from doing
anything, starting from the daily usual activities like sleeping and
eating.

Nothing much to
exaggerate, sometimes, at some point in our life, there comes a moment where we
feel like drowned to the bottom of dark Deep Ocean fighting for an air to
breathe and fighting for shaft of light for the warmth. Lately, I have been
into this situations, but I want to make it clear that, it's nothing out of
some hellish, bizarre or some worst stuffs that are going around in my daily
life. You know, there is one thing that bothered me so much, at all times over
this rolling week and had never let me walk so gently as usual.

I don't know myself how
to put it into, although I can feel it intensely and bothered me so much. Yap
sometimes, as if it comes right on my lip, flicker in mind what that really
bothered me, but it fade away so easily in no second before I get a word to
describe. There is a thought on thought that overlaps before one took a lap,
you know it arises before other sat down and bothers me so much in whatever I
do, where I really could not focus particularly on one thing. Forget about the
difficult ones I even could not focus on simplest stuffs. You know like usual,
I tried to do the most simplest thing, where I find space all alone, sitting
all by myself listening to song to get rid of all those thoughts that run over
the thoughts, but again over the line's of the song it emerge as thoughts and
another thought run down when other is not even of half way.

Frankly speaking, it's
neither a consequences of me thinking over the past that has walked down nor
worried of the future days waiting ahead of me, it's neither due to an enormous
thinking nor worried/tensed of anything but you know in whatever I do, suddenly
those particular thoughts flooded over my mind overlapping with number of
imaginary thoughts corrupting my mind, bothering me so much and this past week
has been too tired.

Usually I do all things
on time and even if I don't, I at least manage to do it on the last day of the
time, but these days, I am totally running out of the schedule and whole work
trying to get off these thoughts. I don't know myself how I am trying to make myself
feel happy and better, but still I feel like I am suffocating, struggling and
landed up getting my brain heated up almost all time unable to stop those
numbers of thoughts that sprung like fountains. I really don't know why and how
this thousands thoughts give birth and propagate and bother me so much in
whatever I do.

I sometimes wonder, does
it happen to everyone or not?

I wonder why thoughts
run down over another sometime too fast.

I wonder why these
particular thoughts are too active when we're not in need.

And I wonder where those
unrecognized thoughts emerge from unnecessarily?

Saturday, 12 April 2014

13th January 2013( something bigger than a surprise)

Early winter morning
of 12th January 2014, at around 5 Am, my grandma woke me up as I
have to leave Samdrup jongkhar the very day by any means because I have to
reach Phuentsholing on latest by 14th due to my booked train ticket
to return back to college on mid day of 15th. As I woke up, I felt
like I have just spent a day ago with my parents in Bhutan, looking at the time
that approach so fast for me to return back and no sooner without thinking
much, then I washed my face, got dressed up and had breakfast and by that time finally
time has came to depart with my parent’s and felt so heavy. Where, unlike
before it was deep sadness that tear me half way, as I depart and seeing my
Grandma and Mommy crying and seeing the
sad faces of Grandpa, Daddy, Sister,
brothers and other relative but how ever I stand not to as they would worry more.
Then I started my journey and by early evening I reach down and was receive by
my sister in law, tshoki and her friend. And shortly we came to room, talk a
while and they left back to their room and I was all alone in room by myself
and then started making call to my parents to inform that I reach safely and
then finally made call to woman of my heart. We conversed as usual teasing,
making fun and yup doing crazy and then after while I went to nearby restaurant
to take dinner and then went to shop for voucher, buying some toiletries and to
arrange the cab to move to Phuentsholing the next day.

I never like to be alone whenever I travel, as its total
boring and don’t know what to do. Moreover,
it’s too lonely. By then it was almost 10
pm and I ringed back to my girl friend and as usual we talked about the day,
had fun joking, teasing in the phone and yap most importantly in our
conversation I asked repeatedly like I have done number of times when I was
already in the home to come to meet me before I leave to my college, as I would
desperately miss her as I know how struggling it is to be far and a year being
far from her taught me everything, but she refused and yap indeed, It was
understandable , as she was busy most of the day with internship stuffs in Chukha
hydro project and moreover as she stay
with her brother ,where she made me clear already that he is strict and report
everything whatever happens to her to mommy, so with no single say I
consider all her problems and didn't asked her again, and shortly she paused me saying in low dim voice,
“tsagye sorry, I didn't mean that I don’t want to meet you , but there Is no
choice.” And explained everything and tried so much to make me feel better as
always but still then light inside was getting dimmer, as I really can’t
imagine leaving for college without meeting her. I felt lonelier, sad and
didn't find any way and reasons to be happy and after that with goodnight kiss
we hang our phone.

It was already midnight as we hang our call and no sooner
had I try to get sleep as I have to wake up early for the tomorrow’s journey
then the particular feeling and thought of not getting able to meet her flooded
in making me die inside so pathetically and made sleeping really difficult.
Moreover it was so lonely like those wandering stars in the azure sky all alone
in the big haunted room. Struggling
moving side to side, turning up and down,
trying to stop of thinking to get
sleep, after long while I was off to
sleep, but didn't knew how sleep came over, as it was not that easy that night
to get a sleep as I look.

The very next morning, at around 5 am I manage to wake up,
washed my face and then call cab to ask when we’re taking off. Driver was so
kind and told me that he will call me when’re about to leave and ask me to stay
in room as it’s cold outside and moreover as I would to have wait as they were
searching for more passenger. However, I went to the cab parking which is of
3 minute walk from my room to reach my brief case as it was difficult for me to
carry all bags at once and to make sure everything is confirm. And then I went
to one of the restaurant for breakfast, as I have to bear through all inside the
cab travelling long and tiresome journey.

At around 6 past 30, I got a call from the driver and then
rush with bags to parking but still 2 passenger has not turn up, so we have to wait
and in mean while, other passenger’s start sitting and making themselves
comfortable and I was outside busy making call to mom to inform that I am about
to start my journey and most importantly to wish tsagyem as it was our special
day (13th) and wanted her to be happy smiling from morning, which
means a lot to me. After almost 20 to 25 minutes they did turn up and we
started our journey at around 7 am in the morning. The morning was warm, fresh,
clear and totally silent except for those chirping birds, fast moving wheels of
the cab and monk reciting prayer just right next to me. After a while the monk
stop reciting prayers and then he broke the silence in the cab talking to me
and started our conversation questioning each other smiling where we’re from,
to where we’re heading and talking much stuff even about the life and yup he
was kind enough to advice me, talk to me and by then my loneliness, boredom
were lost in laughter and smiles and like in a minute of time I felt like we
have reached to place where everyone travelling this road rest for an
hour taking lunch and all. But our driver continued our journey without
resting, as most of the passenger inside the cab I am travelling were busy sleeping,
some fighting with motion sickness hoping every minute to reach destination fast and yup, inside I was
feeling sorry for them. Again then I started conversing with a monk and after
while he too has fallen to sleep, by
then only two of us were awake( driver and me) , with silence taking over again
and yap, thought of talking with driver and make journey interesting but I was
in the last sit, so there was no choice.

After almost 3 hours from the lunch time with silence and
total boredom, we reach Phuentsholing very early evening and then everyone got
dispersed excitingly. But Like them, I didn't have any excitement and moreover
I felt so lethargic and blue. However as I have to spend my night in hotel
(though I have my uncle staying in phuentsholing I have never choose to stay
and love to be spend over), then I rushed to hotel where I used to stay most of
the time when I travel managing one porter as I could not carry all of my bags
together and in mean while going to hotel, I switch on my mobile, suddenly in
no second I receive a call from my only tsagyem, although I was sad as she was not coming, but
her call always mean a lot to me and without holding even a bit I picked her
call. She told me in the phone that, “thinking my tsagye is upset and down
looking at his poor tsagyem, I managed at least to call to my friend to book
room for you in my name.” And yup she
told me to go directly to the hotel and cross check her name with room number
and go to the room as her friend is waiting there.

I rushed to the hotel and yup saw her name in 6th
and cross checked the room number and went to room. When I reached there, the
hotel cleaner was cleaning the room and I was just wondering where her friend
is, as she was nowhere to find and in mean while I gave money to porter and then
upon arranging my bags inside keeping on the table and bed, I saw one cute
little bag which was exactly the same which I have gifted to her on the table.
Once I thought, my tsagyem must have turned up but smiling, I thought again I
must be being silly as her friends must have that similar bag too, and then I
came outside the balcony to give room cleaner a time to clean the room. As I came outside, I don’t know how to
describe how I felt, but I have one particular feeling that “no matter how much
sad you feel you are, happiness is always right next when you turn when your
important person in life is there for you” this is the magic of a love. She, my angel, woman of my heart, was just
their leaning beautifully on the balcony.

Her cheek was on her
hand, Faced down.

And with the closing step that I took,

In minute of time she turned an angle exactly moving her
head to look,

There, she was exactly like beautiful rising sun,

Rising above the balcony so greatly glowing,

With the single turn, her hair flowed dressing
naturally;

It was like nature art drawn beautifully.

And I could see her smile not just on lips but even in the
eyes,

Making me almost cries.

She walked toward me innocently and fairly.

But I was still lost in the magic of huge joys madly.

And With my hand over her, hugging so tight,

It was a like drinking water in desert with huge thirst.

And was a moment that I shed tears of huge joys with
indefinable happiness, over the magical surprise,

I don’t how much she discovered
how I felt, but I really want to know that, it was something, something more
than a special, a big surprise, a big day on our day and moreover, simply she
made me feel simply on the top of world, where I just felt like shouting loud,
louder than anything, saying, “I love you so much pelden.” In life, no matter what, how much ever we’re
sad, upset or over blues, the happiness
take no time to get rid all this from us. I feel so much blessed to have a lady
who is down to earth.

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Today from the early morning, despite having my exam i was waiting curiously for the quarter final for champions league between Barcelona and Athletico madrid which was going to kick off at midnight and seriously i was so sure for Barcelona to get through this second leg so easily, how ever it was total turn out, which made my night so blue. (I supported this club next after Real Madrid so much from the time i started developing as a passionate soccer player and as tonight as the club didn't make it to semi final, it was a sort of blue night)

As the time approaches for the kick off, I started making myself comfortable,keeping my water bottle on the table, arrange lap top on the desk in clear view and made myself so comfortably leaning on the walls switching on the match from the, sport lemon web site. By then, at around 12:15 the match started and from the very early beginning the half of light was shut down after Athletico Madrid player "keko" made his way through net shortly after 5 minutes from the kick off turning aggregate 2-1. In the very first half, the madrid, played so comfortably, despite the total control of the ball with Barcelona as always and thought that Barcelona had rare chance to turn off the game. By then as second half begins, they started playing defensively which provide a large barrier for Barca to penetrate and to make a way through the net. How ever, despite the strongest defensive play, the Barca, tried so much, did so well and yup got numbers of chance and my light inside started waking up,but as they failed to score, even if the ball was right in front and right from that time, i got an answer and my total light shut down and i knew it was not a good day for them, indeed a bad day.
Finally as the match ended, the fans of athletico started cheering, and fans of Barca getting dimmer and i was one of them among million taking so much energy cheering up myself alone in the room expecting to win, but they didn't make it as i expected, how ever they tried, played so well and yup made a taste of football as always. Cheers! to Barca and yap congratulate athletico for making to semi final.

Have you ever tried going back
to those times in your mind when you say?

Upon those worst times; like whenever you get pissed off over the
horrible situation, whenever during broken days or during some awful times when
leak into our door saying, life sucks or it’s hell. And comparatively in those happy
days when you exclaim wow! What an awesome time/day/moment, when a light has
shown upon you. but if we look into closer view, it's all upon us how to make it a day that we want.

Undeniably it must be true to almost all of us with these
particular stuffs, even if we don’t speak out. As human, we always have a
tendency to cheer only on those times when it glows and get off to the shore during
worst times, being negligent to try and standing tall.

Many of us, usually during those worst times, our positive
energy lowers down to zero, failing to stand when the situation pulls, failing
to fight when situation challenge us, and to put in extra effort when you’re in
sheer as during those time’s we never think of the happiness that will come
tomorrow and as we don’t know that, the challenges of today give us a total
strength to stand tall happily the very next time. Human in general has never been
powerful himself to conquer his mind though he can build unimaginable stuff in
a minute of time. You know, whenever, when the worst times show upon us, simultaneously
it triggered like an antigen and antibody formation, where our mind is filled
with all those negativity, heart filled with all those negative feelings(
Hatred, Sadness, Anger..Fear...etc), because most of us has never been so successful
in conquering our mind. Say for example, if there is very important test like
as if do and die for life tomorrow and it was announce just one day ago. If I am
not wrong, out of hundredth, ninety nine percent of us would land up getting
scare and fear how can I do? With anger, why they didn't announce us earlier? And
with sadness and despair, I am poor and I really can’t make it. But if we seriously
take into as normal thing in our normal life, will we be scared, angry and sad?
I don’t think, because our mind and heart has never been able to focus on our
inner thought sometimes. See, we clearly can discover that, the worst time, the
worst situation, completely rule us giving us all those negative feeling, and
as we grow up on this negativity, thus we land up saying, “Damn! Life sucks, (or
something like so poor of me, or what the hell).” But what we actually need to do is to face it
with generating a positive thoughts, standing tall without getting despair with
the self trust and courage to move, because life as whole is never on only one
thing for all of us and will never will be to make ourselves happy, as we can
find many different roads to make it.

Yup similarly, let me go with some positive situations. Like for example, how you will react when you’re
most awaited day show upon what on earth it is. Every one of us, would be
heavenly happy and indeed an indefinable happiness that you can’t hold. That’s
similarly what happens here too, where the positive situation generate our
positive thought, positive energy, feeling and love, thus with mark from our
lips with immense happiness inside “ what a perfect day” comes out. But life
has never been, so perfect, so pure and permanent, it’s our entire mind that
make up.

Looking back sitting from those old chair of my first year
college till now, though haven’t spend much time here in India and yet still
have couple of year to spend, Fighting every day and night of my 1st
year to the 2nd year as it’s about to complete, I came to discover
with every situation here in India that, nothing is so perfect, nothing is so
worst. Many times, as I pass though the street, auto driver, tea maker, beggar and everything which are fighting for
their own living restlessly yet smilingly always give me a reason of more than
thousands, that it totally depend upon us how to make it a day. Yap I know, some
might argue on this point saying, this is the situation in India, but if we
look into with closer view, it’s like our daily challenges that totally build
up with our inner strength of mind and heart. Challenges usually are in many
different form’s, and let me tell you,
our anger, our sadness, despairs and all around the negative thoughts put us
down like we never can wake up. But those of every people working in the street
road, living each days fighting in the scorching sun, accepting the truth of
challenge, they keep fighting for living, destroying their negative thoughts
every time that’s what I call the simple hero of the their own life. Because,
many of us whether big or small, rich or poor, we usually face a problem with
our negative thoughts to be the hero. If we really think better, the happiness
is right next door to us. Therefore, what so important for all of us is, it’s
not “what a hell” or “what a big day” but every day is the starting of life….to
live with hope and dreams with positive energy to face it no matter how worst
is the situation.

Monday, 7 April 2014

Late afternoon call.

Like every usual day for me,one Sunday i was sleeping deep on the bed till afternoon, and yap that too i woke up only after mommy called me. When i share all this stuffs, It doesn't mean that I find most of my days in college sleeping, but there is no choice usually in hot summer days, where we can't get outside like other normal days even if want to, where we can't refresh by playing's, going for walk until the evening swallow the day and moreover these days as we are in sort of holiday for the semester exam preparation most of the time, there is nothing to do, so we find time usually sleeping to save boredom and summer heat of India.

Late afternoon, i heard a buzzing bees like sound on my table, time and again and in half sleep i woke up to check and it was a call from my mommy. Suddenly, then i rub my eyes, clear throat to pretend that i was not sleeping till at this time as mommy will definitely feel bad, but as i picked up my phones, mommy knew it that i was just waking up, as usually when we just wake up, our hoarse voice just appear and disclose the truth. and then she scolded me saying "cheychey,why are you sleeping till late after noon? and i guess you're still sleeping like the way you use to do when you are at home, grow up chey chey with a pause." then i was smiling drowsily and answered with lies to escape and not to let mommy worries as she most of the time land up worrying, tensing for us. After that, like usual, we find our conversation where by; She always ask me how i am doing? how is my studies going on? how is my health and how is the status of everything in all around and we hanged our phone and by then my sleepiness has already gone but still then i lied down on the bed to get rid of those laziness and the very time, a particular thought sprung up in my mind and i realize one thing. and it's damn true to each and everyone of us.
You know most of the time, we land up pretending, neglecting without getting up and putting our selves into their position, until and unless as time show upon us and make us realize. Obviously i am pretty sure that, not only me, most of the people around the world would find through word to defend everything what they love and what they care. Everyone of us, we do have much to say on thing's we love and care, people we love and care, because simply there is a huge feeling of attachment and love, that's why we never wanted our thing and people to fall down, we always want to look better, best and as we expected, that's why we always have unending says.
Yap sometimes to us, it sounds as complain, scolding and being strict and i don't disregard too, after all it's true to all spring chickens in the world. But until and unless as time come for everyone of us to realize and stop escaping away through lies.
You'll a discover a real meaning out of it.
See, if we really look into with deep focus, you know, like everyone we have a unending words coming inside our mind, crazy feeling in our heart and that's why, we can't stand on seeing what we love and care in wrong positions and as what we expected.
That's why every mom in the world in one way or other way, they know they're mother and they do always have a responsibility to make their own child better with love and care. That's why be it scolding or advice, harsh or strict, complain or say, if we really take into greater account, every word that spoke to us is single wisdom for a day to become better human being.
Thus reasonably, we need to understand that, for each and every person to whom we have feeling call love and care, we always much unending says and complains, 'cause we want the best out of them.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

"definition of the perfect beauty"looking back from all those time when i was in love( 13-1-2013)to each and every moment i spend, i got million reasons to explain that "love can fight all war" a message of dedication to my love that defines my life.

She discovered my real dream.
Indeed, she is an angel that never make me despair a single moment.
Not even day, no matter how harsh.
She not only ease the living days,
But she totally changed the way how i think,

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

No matter how dark, light will always find through.

"The hard days, the struggling time has shown to us since a month ago and still it has never leave us from the feet, although not a hard work that involve strength to carry the heavy loads on the uphill sweating, but the stuffs associated with the feelings and mind is a total devastating at a time, when nothing get well and better, when nothing get changes, after every awaited time,waking up every morning with the new hopes."

I really don't know from when it began, when it started making us face hardship and see the frightful challenges, but yup it's been a real hard days at a time for a more than a month, however, we came by without losing hope, never getting devastated, never falling down when a situations keep us pulling and never failing being one, one as united and standing tall in this horrible situations , but still it's been always the same every morning and it's been one of the most awaited time for us.

I don't know, how my buddies replied and will reply, to the most asked question of every day, every time; how is everything? and yup i don't know too how they will describe, if asked to write " a living situation over a month till now"
To this very questions upon every greetings in the university with friends, senior, junior,teacher all around, the definite answer my mouth open to is , ya!i am doing great, trying with a hope inside and to look as if like moving better, but every night when i am about to doze off to sleep and looking back from the time i wake up till to time when i am about to sleep, i get myself question, am i really doing great as i answer always and came to discover that, it's never a been a great day for a month but yap a good day to be better coined as. it's been almost all the day, a sort of lie i am living with myself and fighting hard to get start well.

To the very next question, it would be a little harder for me. because' in one way, i feel totally impressed, motivated and always standing with a hope along with my cheerful buddies and in another way, if i come by truth, a "broken" as word flash in my mind instinctively.
For this very long time, without never getting devastated, without even complaining, how much ever we're broken, we didn't give up. It's been a real hard time for us, more like we have missed a rain for thousand years, like we're totally dehydrated. But not even once, we felt despaired. because we know there is always a choice, there is always two sides to choose to fight for 2 quarts belly and for living and yup i realize lately that living as it sound simple, but it's not that as it look. it's every day a challenge that arrives to test us. In this span of time, i get to learn a lot, i got inspired and motivated myself, we as a friend didn't give up on none of us, rather we keep supporting each other, none of us tormented with a situation. Sometime's what we really need to keep moving is, we need to forget every bad thing's of a day, and to remember and cherish with a every best thing that happens, after all, life itself is a challenge and we never should loss our moment of time tormenting and getting devastated.

I choose not to disclose what really 'hardship' is, and what we're struggling from, as i feel it's not really a good idea that i am thinking of, as i have number of reason's, reasons of reasons to explain and feel blessed how much distance and time we traveled together unanimously, because it's a hard thing, one of the hardest in the world to get people together mostly in the hard times.
Forget praising our selves, because we have much reasons to feel proud of. a reason, how we came through, a longest struggle in the broken time's without getting despair.
Still it is same over the past month, attending classes, struggling of our "hardship" which i choose not to disclose, and hoping each and every morning to get well and better, and in deed, i am never gonna feel so poor, so devastated, though a situation is because there are a huge reasons to fight for with numbers of my friends doing the same each day and night fighting for living and breathing.
Yup, i will wait standing tall, i will get up each morning strong, until god answer us for thy to every questions and struggle in life, there is a way to get through and to every sadness, there is a music that will sooth.