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Frum Guide: Yom Yerushalayim

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David Kilimnick
David Kilimnick: Jerusalem's Comedian performs at his Off The Wall Comedy Basement- Jerusalem's first comedy club, every Thursday in English
… [More]and every Wednesday in Hebrew, in downtown Jerusalem. David may also be contacted to perform for tour groups in Israel & Synagogue fundraisers around the world, and for your private parties.
Contact: david@israelcomedy.com 972(50)875-5688
David Kilimnick, dubbed Israel's father of Anglo comedy by the Jerusalem Post, is leading the new pack of English-speaking stand-up comics in Israel . At his Off the Wall Comedy Basement club in Jerusalem (the first of its kind), Kilimnick has been offering up penetrating observations of life in his turbulent adopted country. Tourists and native Israelis alike have been flocking to his cozy, intimate club and raving about his unique ability to transform the daily chaos and aggravation of Israeli life into an evening full of laughter. Kilimnick's material covers the rocky transition from his "New York Cocoon" to his new life as an "Oleh Chadash" or Israeli newcomer. Still single, Kilimnick touches on his religious upbringing, his rabbinic insights, the injustices of Jewish grammar school and Jewish summer camp, and the looks he gets from his Jewish mother because he isn't married yet. Meanwhile, Kilimnick's universal humor takes you on a tour of funny through the Holy Land.
Incorporating routines from his shows 'The Aliyah Monologues Classic 1 & 2','Find Me A Wife,' 'Frum From Birth: Religious Manifesto', his music show 'Avtala Band' & more, David Kilimnick justifies his Aliyah (move to Israel), while taking you through the reality of life as a single immigrant, Israel experiences, holidays & family left behind. You are sure to walk away entertained, enlightened, or with David.
David has recently appeared on "Bip" Israel's comedy network, צחוק מעבודב and has been hailed by the tough Israeli media as a rising star who possesses Seinfeldian charm when he takes to the stage. [Less]

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You do not celebrate this day. You should be embarrassed if you know about the Six Day War, or even words like the year 1967.

You can do one or two things to celebrate the day of Jerusalem’s unification in private. Work it the same way you would if people asked about your acquisition of a computer. Say nothing and hide it. Do not tell your children, because they talk.
Do not even mention Hallel. Praise and thanking Gd for Jewish unity are forbidden.
Point is that you shouldn’t even know the name of this day.
Any holiday that is not in the Tanach (Bible- you hedenist who probably calls it a Tanakh) is not something you celebrate, or should even know of. The only occasions we celebrate that are post Tanach are days of mourning. Mourning is mutar; Tisha BAv (Ninth of Av- you non-Hebrew speaking Apikores, who probably can’t even say it in Yiddish), The Omer, but not happy days during the Omer. You can mourn on Yom Yerushalayim, to celebrate the unification of the Jewish capital. Celebrating with a ripped shirt, while mourning the destruction of Beit Hamikdash (House of Holy- you heretic who would even think to use the word ‘Temple’ and ‘Great’ in the same phrase) is acceptable.
Even saying Tanach is shameful. I should have said, ‘Holidays mentioned in the Gemara’ (because to say Talmud shows you are an heretic- you heretic who is probably praying and thanking H’- probably pronouncing the full name Gd- for bringing us back to our Home Land).
Many non-frum Shomer Shabbat (keeping the mitzvot of Shabbat- you money laundering heathen who works on Shabbis and calls it Shabbat) Jews who believe that Israel is a blessing from H,’ make their way to the Kotel on this day. The children march to the Old City and parades happen. Parades are Asur (forbidden- you Hebrew speaking heathen who would even call it a ‘mitzad’).As a frum Jew, the only aspect of a parade that you are allowed to join is the protest. You should be out at the protest, as this will allow you to skip school and work, and that is a mitzvah.
And to even think that you could call a day ‘a holiday’ that you can shower on?!!! Oy.

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