I'm not on Valium. Yet.

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All Mixed Up

I’m just a mess of emotions tonight. Logically, I think I’m just insanely hormonal. I’m not sure if it’s PMS or if it’s the birth control pills (or possibly both), but it sucks. I really, really, really hate being on the pill. The side effects drive me crazy. The WORST side effect is that I’m not nearly as interested in sex as I am when I’m off of the pill. Well, actually, I think that side effect ties with the emotionally crazy side effect. But it definitely seems to negate part of the point of being on birth control. It’s not that I’m against sex when I’m on the pill, I still enjoy the closeness it can bring…. but normally I’m a very randy kinda girl… I don’t even really feel like I’m fully participating in life when I’m celibate. That sounds like an exaggeration, but it’s really not.

I would love to stop taking the pill (and I very might have to because of my OB/GYN’s stupid rule). I just hate it. BUT it does do something that is rather important: preventing pregnancy. I know that there are other ways to prevent pregnancy, but I have reasons for not using those methods as well. We are definitely not good at refraining from intercourse and as much as we intend to use those rubber barriers, it never seems to work out in the heat of the moment. I had an IUD in when my ex-husband and I were still together, but he always used to complain about the string poking him while we were having sex and I don’t want to do that to my boyfriend. We could use the pull-out method or just chance it… but we’ve only been together for three months, so that’s probably not in anyone’s best interest. Although I would love to have a baby, since my baby is almost four. But still, not in anyone’s best interest.

Oh yeah, my OB/GYN’s stupid rule. I suppose they have the best of intentions, but the crazy people are going to stop my birth control prescription. I had an abnormal pap a few years back (which the last one I had they told me it looked fine) and since I haven’t had another one done in two years, they are cutting off my birth control until I have one done. Which sucks, because being a single mom who works and goes to school, I don’t have a whole lot of time to fit in doctor’s appointments. Then you mix in the near impossibility of getting an appointment at their office and my health insurance issues I keep having… and I’m screwed. And, unfortunately, said screwing could lead to a new baby.

So, I had an appointment for my OB/GYN set up for last October, but the doctor’s office called to reschedule it. Fine. I can manage that. Unfortunately for me, right after I rescheduled it, I found out my health insurance was ending right before then. So I called to reschedule and they couldn’t get me in until January. Then I got my new job. YAY for me, right? Well, yes, YAY for me…. BUT that means I don’t have insurance until 3 1/2 months after I start on Friday. So, consequently, no-go on my appointment for January. No insurance = no doctor’s appointment. Bastards. Unless I can get my general practitioner to prescribe me the pill, I will be birth control-less until end of April, beginning of May. Which could very possibly lead to a squirmy little bundle of joy if I’m not careful. Which we all know I won’t be.

Anyway, on a more positive note, I’m excited to wake up to snow on my birthday!