Thursday, May 13, 2010

It seems like forever I haven't update anything. I know. And today is the first day that I onlined since like forever...hehe.Okay..i'm just exaggerating it. More like 6 weeks I guess. But seriously,life without internet. It sucks.hehe. I went for induction on 4/5/2010 (I remember this date because its my beloved's husband birthday..sorry yang) at Hotel Impian Morib. Stayed there for 5 days and start working as a doctor in PPUKM. Currently doing my surgery rotation. The first week was suck..the second was suck too.Everything was new and you have to learn A LOT.Everyday I feel like I wanna quit (even until today I still feel that way sometime). I don't know. Its kinda tough especially during EOD (every other day) call and postcall. Its just so difficult to maintain focus at work after only 1-2 hours of sleeping and almost 35-36 hours of work.It sucks.But you got no choice but to just do your work I guess. Luckily I have one day off every week either saturday or sunday for me to spend time with my beloved family and to just unwind and start fresh. Still managed to went out for dinner and watch movies.

I know that life as a doctor in Malaysia will be tough and more like having NO LIFE at all I guess. I guess no one can prepared you for working life but to just dive in and start working then you realized what work is all about.Everyday you have to come very early in the morning and review all your patient. Trace all the investigations and update new progress before your ward round. When they come, they expect everything in front of their eyes. Nothing less. Some registrar or consultant are very fussy.When they asked someting about the patient, you must say as if you remember it. No time to flick pages or run to print the blood results.

There are some nice and some bad registrars or nurses. I guest that's the fact of line. You can't expect everyone to be nice to you especially with the fact that you just the poor new houseman. All this can really motivate your or demotivate you but I guess in the end you have to work with them. You really have to put your very best to face it. At this point I survived. Only after a week of work, I start on call.First day oncall, patient died in my ward.Actually, the patiet was already deteriorate. Came in with hepatic encephalopathy post-TACE. Family decide not for resus. Another patient died again during my second week. Post AR for rectal Ca. Family wanted us to resus despite his very critical status.After seeing a lot of patient passed away everyday, you get so used to it. It was sad but sometimes death is the best thing that can happened after so many months of pain and suffering. But what I learn is that, not to be too close or too attached with your patient. It really does trouble your emotion when they passed away.

All in all, I hoped I can survive this long journey of housemanship. No kidding. Sometimes it can be physically, psychologically and emotionally draining but I always think of my patient. I don't want to work to impress my boss but I'm doing it because I like to help people.Ultimately, it is the patient that you're treating and its always look so damn stupid and embarassing when you about to present a case to your boss but you don't even remember the patient's name. Yeahh..it happened all the time.