Wednesday, July 14, 2010

I don’t know what to do with him?I am just so tired.He works so hard all the time, I just want to give him a break.My back hurts from carrying him.He can’t just go run and play so I have to do everything with him.

These are just a few of the excuses that run through my mind when I know I should be working with or playing with Zach but I’m not.

I struggle all the time with guilt. So the other night when Nathan brought up that he noticed I wasn’t working with Zach like I used to, it hit me like a Mack truck. It is really hard to hear things from other people that you know you should be doing in the first place. I knew that I had not been spending as much time as I used to with Zach, that I had just become complacent and lazy.

Having children can be a tough job already, but when you have a child who you want to let run around and play at the park and they can’t, it can be even harder. You have to do EVERYTHING with them. I have to play in the sand, go down the slide, sit on the swing and run around while holding him if I want him to enjoy what going to the park is supposed to offer.

I am selfish; I know this, but having to do all the activities a 3-year-old likes to do at almost 30-years-old is exhausting. When I get tired or overwhelmed I start to complain or I just shut down. I think this is what Nathan was talking about when he brought it up, I had just shut down. I had gotten so tired and overwhelmed with just the idea of what it takes to play with my little man that I had stopped paying attention. I just stopped trying. I still spent time with Zach and was always around, but I was not interacting the way I should. I was not helping him to learn and be the 3-year-old I know he is capable of being.

Even if being reminded of something is painful sometimes it is just necessary to allow you to wake up and change your behavior. I know that I will have many times in my life where I will need to be reminded again and it will be just as painful but I am grateful that I have a husband I know only wants me to be the best women, wife and mommy I can be.

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About Me

I am a follower of Christ, a wife, a mother, massage therapist and more. I love my family.
My job is now being a mom to my little man who keeps me busier than I ever imagined. My son has Cerebral Palsy so my life is pretty much filled with running him from appointment to appointment just hoping that they can in some way help him to have a "normal" life as he grows. (what ever "normal" means anyway) Being the mom of a special needs child can at times be overwhelming but I feel so blessed that the Lord saw fit for me to have this job.
I love my husband and thank God for him everyday. We are so different but I couldn't be happier about that or we would never make it through the tough times in this life.