CANARY: Totally RAD

By THE CANARY

I was too busy flying off the handle about the Lompoc prison situation last week to utter a twitter about another lousy local situation.

THE CANARY

The Old Town Market in Orcutt.

But before I gather my feathers and flutter onto that particular cannabis-soaked soapbox, I just need to say, THANK GODSanta Barbara County managed to extricate itself out from under the staggering numbers associated with the COVID-19 outbreak at the Lompoc pen.

The county should definitely not be punished for the sins of the U.S. Federal Bureau of “Bozos” (Prisons) and how badly it’s managed to screw up safety at its two detention facilities in Lompoc—which the county has no power over and is having a hard time getting transparent information out of. And California apparently agrees. The county gets to move forward with reopening plans without worrying about the cases between the Federal Bureau of Putzes’ walls.

The number of “confirmed active cases,” according to the oh so trustworthy Federal Bureau of Asshats’ website, is currently sitting at 928 inmates and 16 staff members.

Back to everyone’s favorite neighborhood grocery store run by a local family that one of the biggest cannabis growers/sellers around is kicking out of his company’s newest asset. Helios Dayspring’s retail cannabis operation, the Natural Healing Center, is hoping with crossed fingers that the county will allow it to set up shop in what’s currently Orcutt’s favorite family market.

Apparently after 10 months of super-secret haranguing over the building, its owners finally sold it to Dayspring, sending a text message to market operator Mark Seller notifying him of the news. A text message? Really? After 16 years of a landlord-tenant relationship. Wow!

And, gosh, would you believe it? The Natural Healing Center folks just don’t understand why Orcutt’s residents are in an uproar.

The shop won’t be dingy, Healing Center Chief Operating Officer Nick Andre told the Sun. Criminals aren’t going to hang out there. Guys, come on, it’s going to be a professional operation. Plus, he said, this reaction is fueled by a negative preconceived notion of cannabis stores.

Yeah, Nick, I’m sure the uproar has nothing to do with the fact that a mom-and-pop business that’s been serving Orcutt for decades is most likely going to close its doors because your company bought the building out from under them. Which might just show the county why it shouldn’t approve a cannabis retail permit application for the spot.

There’s this little box that needs to be ticked during the approval process that has to do with community fit, and the Natural Healing Center clearly doesn’t understand anything about that.

Even this liberal freedom-taking rag understands that it’s not about the weed, man.

Speaking of getting high, who comes up with the names for these guides to reopen? We’ve got RISE in Santa Barbara County—Reopening In Safe Environment (not grammatically correct, at all)—and START in SLO County—Steps to Adapt and Reopen Together. Do we need inspirational words to guide us through a reopening plan after being on lockdown for almost 10 weeks?

The canary thinks Reopening After Detention (RAD) is a fine name for a post-pandemic guide. Send comments to canary@santamariasun.com.

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