OT- Son running out the door help

My middle son (5 years old) is very impulsive and lately has begun a bad habit of opening and exiting the front door. He can do the deadbolt and regular lock. We have an alarm on it (just a chime one) but ordinarily don't have it on. We have talked dozens of times about never opening the door unless we ask, not going in the front yard alone, never talking to strangers, etc. And he knows the drill...just acts before he thinks.
Yesterday he opened the door to a solicitor. Today our high school aged neighbor got off the bus and he ran out to our driveway to say hello. Both times I am literally in the next room doing dishes and notice right away thank goodness, but obviously we need to stop this right away.

I am trying to think of a good temporary solution that won't allow him to get out, but long term I am struggling with a good positive or negative consequence (reward system or time out) that will change the behaviors for a kid who is not typically motivated by positive or negative consequences. Any ideas?

My son who has ASD had a tendency to run away/open doors when he was young so we installed a bolt at the top. Not only was it high (a kid would need a chair) it was stiff and tight. I would say a sign and chain at the top should do for a NT kid since to open the door he would need to drag over a chair. If he did you would know it was more than impulse and forgetfulness.

I don’t know what the neighborhood you live in is like. Mine is very safe, so you can take all this with a grain of salt if yours has violent crime or if your front yard is on a busy road.

Both of my kids have an area that their independence is extending, that I am working with them actively to help them know what is safe. When they show me that they can be safe for the dangers in that area, they earn some independence. The danger I am worried about is cars, and that is what I am training them for. But I tend to more have the attitude of: “You can go out the front door when you have shown me that you understand x, y, and z”. So, both my five year old and my three year old are allowed to go out our front door freely. They are VERY motivated to show me that they can be safe. We live on the second story of an apartment building. If they put one foot on the stairs going down without talking to me, they go back inside and lose the priviledge of being out. My five year old is working on being able to go down. We’ve done a lot of working on it and talking through it. So now if his ball goes down the stairs, he comes and asks if he can go get it. I have him tell me where the ball is and where he needs to stop and look for cars to be safe. And then I just send him down. (It is a very quiet parking lot). He is totally responsible in this task because we have worked through each step together.

Is there anyway you can talk to him about how he would be safe in the front yard? Maybe always talking to you before he goes out (or you bring him right back in)? Or staying in grass / on a sidewalk?

--

Pamela in Japan:N ('13) A ('15) and waiting for H ('16, T21)"God decided ... to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself." Eph. 1:5

I don’t know what the neighborhood you live in is like. Mine is very safe, ...

Posted
08/24/2018

I don’t know what the neighborhood you live in is like. Mine is very safe, so you can take all this with a grain of salt if yours has violent crime or if your front yard is on a busy road.

Both of my kids have an area that their independence is extending, that I am working with them actively to help them know what is safe. When they show me that they can be safe for the dangers in that area, they earn some independence. The danger I am worried about is cars, and that is what I am training them for. But I tend to more have the attitude of: “You can go out the front door when you have shown me that you understand x, y, and z”. So, both my five year old and my three year old are allowed to go out our front door freely. They are VERY motivated to show me that they can be safe. We live on the second story of an apartment building. If they put one foot on the stairs going down without talking to me, they go back inside and lose the priviledge of being out. My five year old is working on being able to go down. We’ve done a lot of working on it and talking through it. So now if his ball goes down the stairs, he comes and asks if he can go get it. I have him tell me where the ball is and where he needs to stop and look for cars to be safe. And then I just send him down. (It is a very quiet parking lot). He is totally responsible in this task because we have worked through each step together.

Is there anyway you can talk to him about how he would be safe in the front yard? Maybe always talking to you before he goes out (or you bring him right back in)? Or staying in grass / on a sidewalk?

I'm pretty free range compared to many especially on these boards. We live in a "safe" neighborhood with a billion kids so the kids tend to run around in packs and the parents all kind of have a understanding to help watch them. One of my kids is still young enough to play with the kids too young for school as well so their is opportunity even in the school year and certainly after school.

Still a HUGE part of the responsibility is I MUST know where she is. Just taking off nope. SHE must let me know and must make sure I hear (and respond) she knows that she can just announce I'm going into the year or I'm going to ride my bike out front.. She doesn't really need my permission other than she needs to make sure I acknowledged her. (or she can tell big sister or dad).. IF she going to go to someones house she must ask for permission, if she going bike riding with a friend or on a walk she must ask permission. She is allowed a longer range than most. She can bike ride with a friend over several blocks for example. She can freely walk to a friends house a mile away etc but nope just exiting with out me knowing nope.

We live in a apartment in a populated area. Whenever I take my son and daughter to the shops or a local park I use a pushchair and wheelchair.

My neighborhood is full of cars and buses all day long. I find that having a wheelchair helps remind people of basic etiquette skills etc. We will work on strategies to develop their sense of stranger awareness and road safety skills in a few years time.

If I lived in a quiet area I would probably feel differently. It would be easier for sure however I cannot afford a house right now. What about investing in a lock for your front door that will work? If you look online I’m sure you can find something that will meet your needs.

I'm pretty free range compared to many especially on these boards. We liv...

Posted
08/25/2018

I'm pretty free range compared to many especially on these boards. We live in a "safe" neighborhood with a billion kids so the kids tend to run around in packs and the parents all kind of have a understanding to help watch them. One of my kids is still young enough to play with the kids too young for school as well so their is opportunity even in the school year and certainly after school.

Still a HUGE part of the responsibility is I MUST know where she is. Just taking off nope. SHE must let me know and must make sure I hear (and respond) she knows that she can just announce I'm going into the year or I'm going to ride my bike out front.. She doesn't really need my permission other than she needs to make sure I acknowledged her. (or she can tell big sister or dad).. IF she going to go to someones house she must ask for permission, if she going bike riding with a friend or on a walk she must ask permission. She is allowed a longer range than most. She can bike ride with a friend over several blocks for example. She can freely walk to a friends house a mile away etc but nope just exiting with out me knowing nope.

Totally agree! I wasn’t trying to imply that five year olds should be able to run all over the neighborhood without communicating.

What I do think is that kids react differently to, “You can never be in the front yard alone” then they do to, “You want to do something in the front yard? Great. First I need to see that you are treating the street with respect 100% of the time, and I need you to ask me before you go out so I know where you are. If you can do those two things, you’re big enough to handle yourself out there!” And I think “You can’t go in the front yard today because this morning you went out there without telling me” is a fabulously effective consequence for many kids.

--

Pamela in Japan:N ('13) A ('15) and waiting for H ('16, T21)"God decided ... to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself." Eph. 1:5

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