The Worst Singles of the Decade, Part 3: #30-#21

Double entendres are a lot more enjoyable when the naughty meaning is the real one.

#29
Jamey Johnson, “The Dollar”

Real kids don’t talk like this.

#28
Garth Brooks & Trisha Yearwood, “Love Will Always Win”

This treacly ballad is the nadir of Trisha’s career and one “It’s Midnight Cinderella” away from being Garth’s as well.

#27
Darryl Worley, “Have You Forgotten?”

Featuring more straw men than a Wizard of Oz audition.

#26
Clint Black, “I Raq and Roll”

“Have You Forgotten?” without all the nuance and subtlety.

#25
Shania Twain and Billy Currington, “Party For Two”

Proof positive that spoken dialogue can ruin a song before it even begins.

#24
Martina McBride, “God’s Will”
He was dressed as a bag of leaves? That’s his costume? Hey, at least she didn’t kill him off in the last verse.

#23
Brooks & Dunn, “Play Something Country”

There are so many poorly written female characters in Brooks & Dunn songs, it’s hard to pick just one to represent them all. But I’ll give the nod to this one, simply because it has her howling the title to a melodic hook that’s a blatant rip-off of Mary Chapin Carpenter’s “Shut Up and Kiss Me.”

#22
Jason Aldean, “Johnny Cash”

The “country star as song name” trend hasn’t yielded anything worthwhile, but at least “Tim McGraw” and “Kristofferson” have some tenuous connection to their titular song. “Johnny Cash” is just shameless name-dropping.

#21
Gretchen Wilson, “Red Bird Fever”

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Haxd6g2Mux8

In retrospect, this should’ve been a huge red flag that Wilson wasn’t built to last. My personal favorite moment of this St. Louis Cardinals shout-out comes in the chorus, when she sings “Let me get a big ‘Go Cards!’ from the Red Bird fans like me. Go Cards!” and the backup singers answer back, “Hell yeah!” because they couldn’t be bothered to change the “Redneck Woman” backing track.

These are all some pretty bad songs (though somehow “Play Something Country” is a guilty pleasure for me and I don’t mind “Party for Two”). I think the worst of this bunch are “Have You Forgotten” (yeah, Daryl, I “forgot” that 9/11 happened! Thanks for reminding me) and “The Dollar” (Don’t like Jamey Johson’s voice). I hadn’t heard “Red Bird Fever” before but its so bad its good.

“Have You Forgotten” would top my list (with Toby Keith filling a few slots in the Top Ten as well) so I can’t wait to see what’s next on yours. “Party For Two” and “Play Something Country” remain guilty pleasures of mine. I love the write up for “God’s Will”. Hah!

I had somehow managed to miss the Gretchen Wilson single, and wow, that may actually go beyond laziness and qualify as sloth. I wouldn’t argue with the inclusion of any of these ten, and “God’s Will” would rank significantly higher for me.

And if “It’s Midnight Cinderella” had been from this year, it would definitely belong on this list. I really like Garth and Trisha’s voices together, but I don’t think they’ve made the best of their collaboration selections, with the exception of “Squeeze Me In” and Garth even sounded a bit too screechy there.

I remember years ago, Entertainment Weekly gave a horrible review to a Randy Travis album because it had “Point of Light”. The reviewer felt it was a political song that didn’t belong on the album. I remember the reviewer commented that Randy Travis tried to keep it off the album, but the label wouldn’t let him. The reviewer’s conclusion: “He should have tried harder. Grade: D”. A “D”! For an album that “Forever Together” and “Better Class of Losers”.

Several years later, Entertainment Weekly gave a much better review to “Stones in the Road” by Mary Chapin Carpenter, with its line “a thousand points of light or shame”. That crystallized for me the problem of reviewers traveling to the intersection of music and politics: they can’t leave their baggage at home. And I think that’s the case with some entries on this list.

I really like “Point of Light”, but I’m pretty partial to songs like that, helping your fellow being. As I said somewhere else discussing this topic (“The9513), I won’t get into “Have You Forgotten” this time around, because I understand and accept the political polarization of the interpretation, but “I Raq and Roll” is beyond reproach as a lyrically stupid song and I cannot help but think that it’s a partisan thing for those who defend it as anything else.

Now it might be a smart bomb,
they find stupid people too.
If you stand with the likes of Saddam,
well, one might just find you.
Iraq, I rack ’em up and I roll,
I’m back and I’m a hi-tech GI Joe.
I got infrared, I got GPS,
I got that good old-fashioned lead.
No price too high for freedom,
so be careful where you tread.
Now you can come along
or you can stay behind

or you can get out of the way.
But our troops take out the garbage
for the good old USA.
Iraq, I rack ’em up and I roll.
for the USA.

I agree with Cutting the Treacle that it is hard to keep one’s political views out of an evaluation of a political song. Absolutely true.

I think thats true of other songs as well. though maybe to a lesser extent. Our own views of the world influence whether we thing a song is cliched, sappy, overtly cynical, et cetera. One person might think “Bonfire” is a fun, harmless song about hanging out, another might think it bad because it celebrates alcohol consumption.

I actually agree with that part of Treacle’s point too. Luckily, it won’t stop me from allowing my particular persuasions to influence whether or not I like a song. I think it’s natural. I like to deal with the technical stuff, but it’s also impossible not to allow personal bias to enter into the critiquing equation. Otherwise, we’re simply providing overviews rather than reviews, which is obviously boring and not the point of this site or most country music blogs.

Seeing Trisha Yearwood’s name on this list feels like a kick in the pants….but i have to agree. The production seemed like it was rushed and very sloppy and lyrically stomach turning. It stands so far away from such a stellar catalog of Yearwood’s. I dont really care for anything her and Brooks have done except for maybe “In Another’s Eyes” Trisha has had MUCH better duet partners.

Come on, Redbird Fever wasn’t that bad. But I guess that’s because I like the original, Redneck Woman. However, I will whole-heartedly agree with Johnny Cash. It’s shameless name-dropping that sounds like it’s trying to be countrier-than-thou