A Nuclear Arsenal Is A Terrible Thing To Waste

Obama insists that in spite of Putin’s body language, their private conversations are often very productive. Indeed they are. For Putin, that is. Without his lifting a finger to help us when it comes to Iran, Syria and Edward Snowden, Obama has agreed not to supply Poland with a promised anti-missile system, has agreed to diminish our nuclear arsenal and, for all I know, agreed to subscribe to Pravda.

If it were up to me, we would have used a few nukes to curb Islam long before now. Just because the jihadists don’t wear uniforms or carry flags is no reason not to let their host nations understand that certain rotten activities will inevitably result in very unpleasant consequences.

Besides, someone recently sent me photos of modern day Hiroshima. Far from being a nuclear wasteland, it appears to be a thriving metropolis. In fact, it suggests that just as Nero apparently burned down Rome in order to clear it of slums and rodents, a well-placed nuke might be the only way to brighten Detroit’s future.

Why, I’d like to know, are people like John McCain so eager to oppose the Egyptian military? Would he raise the same loony objections if the Iranian military got rid of the mullahs or the Russian military disposed of Putin? The Egyptian military got rid of Morsi, who, although he managed to win a democratic election, quickly showed himself to be the front man for the Muslim Brotherhood.

And arguing, as McCain does, for a reconciliation of secular Egyptians with the Brotherhood is moronic. But, then, it would take a self-righteous pinhead like McCain, the fellow who argued against the very enhanced interrogation practices that ultimately led to the elimination of Osama bin Laden, to call for it.

McCain speaks out against Islamic terrorists, but like Obama, he seems blissfully unaware of the fact that they often go by other names than Al Qaeda.

Speaking of people who seem unqualified to speak as authorities, Chip Saltsman and Joe Trippi recently appeared on Chris Wallace’s Sunday morning show to speculate on upcoming elections. Mr. Wallace introduced them as veterans of presidential campaigns. Technically speaking, they are that. After all, Mr. Saltsman managed Mike Huckabee’s ill-fated primary campaign in 2008, while the older Trippi spearheaded the failed campaigns of Ted Kennedy, Walter Mondale and Howard Dean, among others. But wouldn’t it make more sense to have the guys who managed winning campaigns pontificating on Fox?

I readily confess that I have very little interest in professional football and basketball, but at least even I get why other people might be fans. But when it comes to soccer, I’m at a total loss. I mean, I can see why those in third world countries might grow up being aficionados. After all, the only things required are a large empty field and something round, maybe a melon or an animal skull, to kick around. But why an American would ever follow the so-called sport is beyond me. The game requires stamina, but so do marathons and sitting through an Obama speech, but nobody ever claimed those were spectator sports. In fact, one of the few activities that require even greater stamina than playing a game of soccer is watching a game of soccer.

I am still hearing from people who are taking me to task over my defense of the NSA by pointing out that, after the scandals involving Operation Fast and Furious, Benghazi and the IRS, the present administration is not to be trusted. Of course I never said anything about trusting Obama. But the thing to keep in mind is that tyrants such as Stalin, Hitler and Mao, didn’t require electronic data to imprison or kill anyone they considered suspicious. If collecting phone numbers helps prevent another 9/11, I’m all for it and I don’t consider my civil liberties lost or even diminished. It just seems to me that blind distrust is every bit as naïve, and perhaps even more dangerous, than blind trust.

I know that some of you, especially those living in places like Massachusetts, Washington and Illinois, are convinced you live in liberal-run asylums posing as states. But, believe me, compared to California, you might as well be living in Utah or Oklahoma.

For instance, our governor, Jerry Brown, just signed Assembly Bill 1266, which will allow transgender youths to use whichever bathroom and participate on whichever team they feel most closely matches their gender identity.

Still not convinced? Okay, people who are trying to give up nicotine by using the product known as e-cigarettes will no longer be allowed to smoke them in public places or even in their own homes. In case you’re unfamiliar with the item, it provides ex-smokers with the tactile experience provided by cigarettes, but replaces the tars and nicotine with water vapor. The stated reason — hold on to your hats! – is because of the unknown health risk! As we all know, you can’t be too careful when it comes to those pesky, cancer-causing, water vapors.

I guess the next item on the liberal agenda will be to do away with baths, showers and Niagara Falls.

About Burt Prelutsky

Burt Prelutsky, a very nice person once you get to know him, has been a humor columnist for the L.A. Times and a movie critic for Los Angeles magazine. As a freelancer, he has written for the New York Times, Washington Times, TV Guide, Modern Maturity, Emmy, Holiday, American Film, and Sports Illustrated.
For television, he has written for Dragnet, McMillan & Wife, MASH, Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda, Bob Newhart, Family Ties, Dr. Quinn and Diagnosis Murder. In addition, he has written a batch of terrific TV movies. View Burt’s IMDB profile.
Talk about being well-rounded, he plays tennis and poker... and rarely cheats at either.
He lives in the San Fernando Valley, where he takes his marching orders from a wife named Yvonne and a dog named Angel.Author website: http://www.burtprelutsky.com/