Ya Ya You Is Welcome

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Sunday, December 26, 2004

Christmas Weekend Style

it had been a while since I was in the great city of Philadelphia, however the 4 month streek was broken this weekend. Friday morning i woke up bright and early to drive 2 hours to the city I had once been so in love with. Christmas eve morning was spent at the malls looking for a great pair of shoes for yours truely. Followed by helping my cousin Jeff wrap the plethora of gifts he had piled into his office. Dinner was then served at my grandmothers and gifts were opened. I personally received the Phish IT DVD and The Jimi Hendrix Experience Box Set. After dinner Phil and I went over to the Baltaians, a family whom I hadn't seen since... oh jeez... sometime in the middle of my senior year. It was really nice to see them. Ryan and I chatted, caught up and will hopefully try and maintain some sort of friendship via telephone. I know it's stupid of me to even expect that from him, but who knows. I'm the idiot always willing to give people an innumerable amount of chances. The next day was spent sleeping, eating at my grandmothers again at 4, then going over to my cousin's family's house in NJ. That family is really great. They are a funny group. Their gifts are all essentially insults and stabs at each other. My cousin Jeff and His cousin Jim are the two biggest rivals. It was truely entertaineing watching them take stabs at each other with gifts. This has been the tradition for years now. It's funny to watch.

The 2 things I was oversaturated with this weekend:
-Farts
-everything ending with the word "style" (i.e. Hot style, BMW style)

The closer I got to New York, the more the happiness of the weekend was sucked out of me. So now I find myself here, in my room, once again with my lovely iBook, a dime bag, a green apple and a pack of Camel Lights. Looks like this is what I'm gonna be doing for most of vacation.

Homefront

Well I've been in the heights for about 5 days now. Sat. Night was a shit load of fun at Danny's. We watched Stop making sense and it was probably one of the most single interested concerts i've ever watched.

Being home is wierd. Not as surreal of an experience as it was when I first came back. It's nice to be home. My mom is great. I enjoy her company a lot. Last night I hung out with Fiorella. it was really nice seeing her. She's grown up a lot. She's not a stupid stoner anymore... She looks great and is doing great and I'm really happy for her.

I dunno what's been up with me lately.. I just sort of feel like i'm on the wrong track. I don't really have any rational reason to feel this way... i just feel really uneasy. I feel wierd... I dunno. My mind is just blank right now...

I'm gonna go sew the holes in the crotches of all of my pants up... later dudes

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Suny Purchase, Home, Can't Let Go

I'm really in love with SUNY Purchase. i've grown accustomed to the campus life. I love it here really. It's good for me. I have great friends. As the last days of the semester dwindle down I can honestly say that I am really sad to be leaving the school for a month. I have things to look forward to at home. Hanging out with my mom is going to be fun. I'm gonna go to Philly for Christmas. I'm spending new years with Julia at the Disco Biscuits, the next weekend I'm planning a trip to Woodstock. Then the next week my parents are gone. And then it's Purchase-bound I am.

I know how I am though, I'm gonna be sad if I come back to Purchase from having been home for a month and Rob not trying to hang out with me. It's like a dark cloud constantly over my head.

Now, I am not really one to read my horoscopes often enough and take them seriously at the same time. Yesterday however Alima was checking them and I asked her to read mine. Here's what it said.

"Living in the past is sure to have a negative effect on your future. Go back to the well and refill your bucket with clean water this time. Even if you have an unhappy history with family members or old acquaintances, you can still find something there to teach and nourish you. If an unresolved issue is holding you back, deal with it and move on. Growth may not be easy, but it's necessary. Take a break from this inner turmoil to work on external beauty. Your home or office could stand a bit of brightening up or redecorating."

Tell me that's not weird. And I was TOTALLY going to redo my room over the break. Alice and I are on rocky terms right now. I'm stuck on Rob. And everything and everyone is telling me I need to drop it. Why do they all feel wrong though? Why do I still feel like it's possible? Why is it that when Ryan Baltaian didn't call me at all after having kissed me took what, 2 months to forget about? IT'S BEEN 4 MONTHS! I feel like I've been cheated. Rachel say that given the way things have played out with this whole situation, it's completely normal for me to be feeling this way. But I still don't understand why everything in my life is telling me to go one way, and I can rationally understand why I need to leave this behind. But no matter how hard I try I can't move on. I just go around in circles.

Al Green and The Smiths ROCK!

I'm coming to the heights Friday night so I'll see y'all in Jackon Heights

Sunday, December 05, 2004

Fucked up Friday, Recovery smokedown, blah...

So my trip wasn't all that I had hoped it would be. They first few hours were really good.. well actually just the first two. The hallucinations were intesne.. everything was vibrant, moving, morphing and all of that great stuff. But I wanted to talk damnit. No One was really tripping together, the flows of our trip just weren't running the same way. So after a while I felt like no one really wanted to hear my rambling so I stopped talking. Then i just started arguing in my head about nothing good. all bad, all of it depressed me. I just feel like a lost, conflicted, hopelessly romantic, lonely girl. Everything was going around in circles, nothing made sense, it wasn't enlightening, it was just confusing. I couldn't come to any solid conclusions or anything. The to top it all off, Phil was being a royal DOUCHEBAG! He called me and was being unnecissarily mean.

I miss Rob. everyday...

Sat. was a day of recovery filled with pot, food and wine. I watched PCU, and read a little bit.

Lately I've been quite obsessed with Hemingway's The Sun Also Rises. I just feel I can relate to it. I wonder if the mindset of Jake is what I'll need to continue on with life and not let things knock me down.