Every time my old man would visit, at some point he’d open the cabinet where all this stuff is stored neatly in glass jars and I’d know what was coming next…

“What the bloody hell…? Are you some kind of bloody budgerigar or something?! Can’t you eat bacon and egg like a real bloke?”

You have to understand. He was trained as a butcher from the age of 12. That makes his once vegan now pescatarian son who hasn’t had a bacon sarnie since 2007 very odd indeed.

Of course I could’ve reminded him of the cause and effect relationship between his lifetime’s indulgence in meat and the indignity of the bowel cancer that devastated his life, but it wasn’t something either of us wanted to remind ourselves of.

Anyway, I enjoyed the banter with my old man. Typically British, always taking the piss and sometimes doing it brutally. Just like father and son should be.

And regardless, I would worry for the old boy if he wasn’t playing someone up. When he was giving me some stick, I knew his spirit was in the right place to deal with the numerous and difficult physical challenges he was facing.

And let’s be honest, I’m not exactly normal am I? As if my concoction of health in a bowl isn’t enough to get most of the bacon butty munchers of the world turned off, it’ll only get worse when they see what I drink.

A pint of green shit. Twice a day.

No, I’m not joking.

In goes a small amount of orange juice (watch that sugar!!), mixed with a pint of water, an effervescent vit.c tablet (keep the immune system pucker) and a heaped teaspoon of spirulina – the world’s most nutritious food.

Otherwise known as algae.

Yum yum.

You should try it. It’ll make you want to puke.

The way I’m going, I’ll be licking the insides of the fish tanks next.

Still, I’m happy to make such sacrifices in order to put the right stuff in my body. And in return, I get plenty of payback.

The old carcass is put through a punishing fitness regime every week and it steps up, every time. I wouldn’t have the energy levels I do if it wasn’t for putting the right stuff in in the first place.

You know the drill. You don’t need me to remind you. Put good stuff in, you’ll get good stuff out. It’s an unwavering law of life.

Thing is, it doesn’t just apply to the body. The same principle applies to the non-physical side of our nature. Cause and effect is absolute. And just like they do with the body, most people allow their minds – the creative engine of every result in their lives – to consume and marinate in untold amounts of crap every day.

Seriously. Very few people consider the quality of information they’re subjecting their mind to. That’s why they’re obsessed with Facebook, TV or some other form of distraction.

Anything to avoid having to THINK.

That’s why entertainment trumps education every day of the week in the life of a perennial underachiever.

And still they wonder…and whinge…about why their results aren’t getting any better.

Ah, it must be that extra dose of “bad luck” that seems to be dished out in extra rations to the hard-of-thinking.

Or maybe it’s the government.

Or unscrupulous bankers.

Or the so-called competition.

Or the bully boy at school.

Or the parents.

Or maybe it’s God’s “retribution” for “sinners”.

Or the work of the “devil”.

God knows what other unsubstantiated myths and oh-so-convenient excuses the horribly misled and psychologically retarded will come up with next to excuse themselves from owning the ultimate cause and effect relationship in their lives.