Thursday, February 21, 2013

You'd think at baby #3 I'd have this whole being pregnant thing down pat and it would be easy.

Turns out baby boy Byrne has had his own thoughts on the matter.

The last 2 were relatively easy. I carried out front, I had plenty of energy, I gained weight well, morning sickness and acid reflux were only an issue in the first trimester, and birth and labor were relatively normal. The most tiring parts were labor and delivery, but I bounced back pretty quickly.

This time I'm carrying right in the middle of my body, forcing all of my internal organs (including lungs and diaphragm) into smaller spaces. It took until the 3rd trimester to gain weight and somewhat get the morning sickness and acid reflux under control (still struggling there). The little one has sucked up all of my body fat and requires far more calories than either of his sisters. I have no idea what labor and delivery will be like, other than I'm already exhausted all the time.

For weeks now I've been struggling with getting enough air because my lungs and diaphragm were unable to move properly. I couldn't take deep enough breaths. Because of this, getting enough oxygen has been difficult.

This is after becoming the fittest and strongest I've ever been. This is also after years of being Chris's legs (in both a metaphorical and physical sense) due to his widely variable mobility due to being sick and in pain.

I'm used to being able to do a full Costco run with a full cart, do Wal-Mart, run a few other errands, put away all of the purchases, carry a 50 lb bag of dog food into the house, and still cook dinner at the end of the day.

Now, with the lack of energy and lack of oxygen, not so much.

Today I got winded walking into the post office and checking the PO box. Then I struggled to stay awake driving home after dropping a friend off at work.

Seriously.

This is not me. I feel very crippled at the moment.

Today I lucked out and my uterus dropped a noticeable amount.

Thank fucking God.

I still can't draw a full deep breath, but I have more room for my lungs and diaphragm now. It's not all back, but enough back that I may finally be somewhat useful again.

Which is good, considering we only have 7 weeks left before the due date.

For those of you who are permanently crippled, or live with diseases or conditions that impact your ability to get as much done as you need to... I understand.

Saturday, February 16, 2013

"There is nothing which has yet been contrived by man, by which so much happiness is produced as by a good tavern" -- Samuel Johnson

Re-reading Callahan's right now, from the beginning...

Because I need it.

Wash is still gone. My best friend is suffering from a serious antibiotic resistant infection post major abdominal surgery, and not doing well. Another good friend is very ill, and we won't be able to see them very much, if at all... And life just isn't simple, or easy... It never is.

Shared Pain is Lessened, Shared Joy is Increased.

Thank you Spider Robinson. If you don't know Callahan's, and you're not one of my few friends who dislike science fiction or fantasy... Go, Read, NOW.... Seriously (or even if you are... you should read anyway).

When I was a kid, Callahan's helped save my life... as it did so many others. It was a place, and an idea, I very much needed at that moment... and many moments since.

In fact... Spider himself has said that Callahan's is the kind of place that people find when they really need it... "It's the kind of place you only hear about when you really need to... if you're extremely lucky".

No, I'm not anywhere near that bad off right now... Just... needing something... and right now, praying isn't doing it for me... My prayers just... won't come together.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Taken by an airline pilot from angels 40, the day after the Great Nor'Easter of 2013, aka the Blizzard of 2013, aka Winter Storm Nemo.

The official reported snowfall for Boston is reported as 24.9 inches; but several areas around Boston reported totals as high as 34", and towns in Maine and Connecticut up to 40"(making this the worst blizzard ever recorded in New England history).

There was 30" of snowfall in my fathers yard, in Weymouth, about 10 miles (straight line. About 20 by road) south of Boston.

Monday, February 11, 2013

We all have a personal form of kryptonite, some trigger that when it gets pulled it doesn't matter how well or badly you're doing, or how well or badly you're dealing, you will lose your ability to function properly.

For some people the death of a family member strips them of their coping abilities. For others, it's being helpless or otherwise out of control. For some, a bad breakup will do the trick.

Turns out that my kryptonite is any one of my family members going missing or otherwise being gone, or in danger of being gone. A few months ago it was the death of a cat. Before that was Chris's surgery and radiation. Before that was my ex taking the kids to Canada or, in one instance, outright kidnapping them. Then there's the several family members who have passed away in the past 2 and something years.

Today it's a missing dog. It seems I can deal with every other extremely stressful life thing going on right now, but I can't deal with Wash being missing. And so I'm having my first true nervous breakdown of the year.

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Well, the weather here the last month or so has been a bit screwy. We got some pretty heavy snow for a couple weeks, and then mixed light snow, rain, ice etc...

Then, for the last two weeks or so we've been cycling between as high as 46 (that was a freak day, but 39 hasn't been uncommon) to as low as 4 degrees (again that was a freak low, but 14 degrees hasn't been rare, and 24 has been common) in a single day.

That has meant we've been having lots of melting and refreezing; complicated by some additional wet snow, and some freezing rain.

What that has meant, is that my driveway, which is a fairly steep slope, has been a sheet of ice.

And I've fallen on that ice several times.

I've given up on taking things in and out of the shop for now, or carrying anything heavy around... I'll wait for some more melting so I can break up some of the ice etc...

Anyway last week I took a pretty nasty spill, which strained some things, bruised some things etc... Made me sore enough that I wasn't moving very much at all most of the week.

Then we had some friends over this weekend (had a "friends weekend" combined with a superbowl party)... and I warned them not to try parking in the driveway unless they had 4 wheel drive and good tires.

Unfortunately, not everyone listened to me.

Saturday night, two cars got stuck hard enough that I had to go around them with my truck, then set a recovery rig, and pull them out.

In the process, I had to climb up and down that icy slope several times... and I fell several times.

Twice, I fell and hit very very hard.

In the process I badly bruised my back, ass, and the back of my head, my left elbow, and left palm; and I badly tweaked both my knees, my back, my neck, and my left wrist.

Sunday it wasn't too bad... It hurt, and I was stiff, but I could move... even had a good time with our superbowl party.

Monday was a different story entirely.

I haven't been out of bed except to use the bathroom since Monday morning.

I have been too stiff and sore to even take a hot bath.

My range of motion without pain for my neck has been about jaw to shoulder both side. My back... the best way to describe it is overtightened overstressed cables?

I think I might be able to do so today... maybe even walk down the stairs to the main floor and participate in life for a while.

So, the GOOD news, is that its supposed to be well above freezing every day this week, and the ice sheet is already showing gravel through it in spots, so my driveway and shop are becoming accessible again.

In this case goggle malware detection is reporting that I am hosting or distributing content from "cooking issues" "a known malware distributor".

Well, first of all I'm not hosting or distributing content from them; they are (or were, I just removed it) a link in my blogroll nothing more.

Second, they aren't a known malware distributor, they're the blog of a few instructors at a cooking school who like to mess around with unusual and interesting techniques for producing food. Very good site, I just wish they'd update more often.

It appears they haven't updated since August... and it's entirely possible that in that time someone has snuck some malware onto their site... But much more likely is that they also have a link to a site, which has a link to a site etc... etc...

This is the weakness of automated malware detection, automated intrusion detection etc... In fact, this can even be used as a deliberate denial of service attack, getting "content protection" services to block a site (it can be VERY difficult and annoying to get unblocked).

Anyway, I've pulled the link off my blogroll and everything seems to be fine now, with no more false alarms.