Computers

Computers

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up, there's no law against whacking them around a little.

My computer kept beating the pants off me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

The Internet: where men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Computers are from hell.

Be nice to geeks when you're in school, you might end-up working for one when you grow-up.

Dating a girl is just like writing software. Everything's going to work just fine in the testing lab (dating), but as soon as you have contract with a customer (marriage), then your program (life) is going to be facing new situations you never expected. You'll be forced to patch the code (admit you're wrong) and then the code (wife) will just end up all bloated and unmaintainable in the end.

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history, with the exception of handguns and tequila.

Computers are like humans - they can do everything except think.

When two slightly crazy people get together online, they reinforce each other's beliefs without even trying. And they end up both going totally crazy.

An important benefit of miniaturization in computer technology is that even people with limited physical strength can now throw a computer out a window.

I was going to change my bank account password to penis, but the bank said it was too short.

Howard: I thought you didn't like Facebook any more.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I'm a fan of anything that tries to replace actual human contact.