Sunday, September 07, 2014

How American Women Could Pay Off the National Debt in 5 Years

I am happy to announce I have found a simple, easy and painless solution to our national debt problem. Easily the largest economic problem we face is officially over. Everybody can relax, the US and by extension the world economy will be saved and, frankly, we can look forward to very bright economic futures across the globe. And it will be women who lead the way into this glorious future no less!

I happened upon this solution walking through the mall and realized that nearly all of the stores are for women. I fused this observation with the fact women spend the majority of their money on things that are

really
truly

just not needed.

So instead of blowing their money on Jimmy Choo shoes, hand bags, flirtinis and the cornucopia of other worthless trinkets they like to stockpile in their unnecessarily large apartments, we force them instead to cut checks to Uncle Sam that would immediately go to debt reduction.

Looking at consumer spending data from the BEA I estimate that women waste around $3.2 trillion annually (estimates will of course vary). Dividing the current $17 trillion in debt by this means we could have the national debt paid off in a mere five years. But better yet, it's without any genuine suffering or real decrease in standards of living.

Naturally there will be some resistance to this brilliant economic plan. However, since women disproportionately vote for democrats and to "help others," I'm sure they'll find it within their charitable nature to "do the right thing" and help save America's future for the children.

What's funny is this REALLY would work. And it really would be painless. Sadly, that frivolous spending is just too addicting and women place more value on competing against other women than the country's finances.

In our mall up here I think there is a tobacco shop and maybe that's about it. Possibly a book store...but it's filled with the contemptible and deplorable 'Chick Lit' that would make most men snore or gag.

Methinks this isn't one you want to torment the hags and witches with though, Captain. What about the motorcycle shops, the gun shops, the fishin' holes, the hardware shops, the liquor stores, and other purveyors of manly death and destruction? It would only be a matter of time before some clot headed cnut noticed that funds for these essential items could be diverted to the debt too! And with the Hildebeest getting to make her run at the Whitehouse, there is the potential for much estrogen fuelled evil to fall across the land.

Jests like these are better made quietly, in more manly company if ya take my meaning. Hell hath no fury, and all that rot...

Cute, but how about all frivolous spending, instead? Men could make up the other half easily. For example, every person who owns or leases a "pickup truck" who is not a full time licensed contractor will immediately sell the truck and purchase a used Mini to replace it (which would include not just men, but a bunch of strident 4x4 women drivers, as well). The production of convertibles will be immediately stopped, and replaced with thousands-of-dollars-cheaper, much safer hardtops.

All non-race-car drivers who have upgraded the engines on their personal vehicles to whatever "the larger size" is will be required to trade in their vehicles for something utilizing a straight 4. All 350s will be melted down and used for scrap metal.

Anyone so pitiful as to have ever used the services of a "consultant" will be required to pay all previous consulting fees to the debt, and in return, will receive from the government a card imprinted with one of six possible messages about personal responsibility instead. The most popular such message will be, "Talk to flowers--flowers listen!"

B-b-but how will Chinese sweatshop workers and billionaire CEOs LIVE without spendthrift women? Think of the poor Chinese sweatshop workers and billionaire CEOs.....

(Men splurge on things too, but they tend to be things they'll get a lot of use out of. Had a friend of mine just buy a 1500 dollar Mah Jong table, but considering the thousands of hours he'll probably spend at it while socializing with people, it's probably a better deal in the long run than a 60 dollar video game.)

It is brilliant, but you are overlooking one important fact: progressives, leftists, Democrats, what have you, mean that *you* should use *your* money, not theirs. That they *feel* the right way is sufficient, so they don't actually have to do anything.