Thursday, August 14, 2008

God hates what now?

**Maybe I should just stop trying to blow sunshine and admit that we've had a lot of underperforming disappointments, and that Canada has a choking problem. A partial catalogue:

Rau'Shee Warren and Gary Russell Jr. in boxing; Kristin Armstrong in the road race; the women's saber team; Alicia Sacramone; women's pair (rowing); shooter Bret Erickson; swimmer Katie Hoff and the women's 4x200m relay team; the Williams sisters. Plus still plenty of heartbreak to come in track & field, and let's not even think about what a disaster it would be to lose on the basketball court or the ball diamond.

Ahhh... you see what I did there? That's the American failures! Ha-ha! All athletes/teams who either were favoured to win gold and didn't, favoured to win a medal and didn't, or in the case of Alicia "No Relation to the Sopranos Guy" Sacramone, just blew chunks period. And that doesn't even include those who were (over)hyped by the national media as medal hopefuls, without actually being favoured, a scenario that Canadians are all-too-familiar with at the moment.

**Speaking of "no relation", I was taken aback somewhat to learn that Michael Phelps' middle name is Fred. I assume he's no relation to this guy, but if he's on the podium for medal #8 and unfurls a banner that says, "Thank God for 9/11", well... fair warning!

**And speaking of taken aback, here's the jarring headline of the Olympics so far:

Oh, so that's what, uh, he, has been up to.

**Pardon me for being part of the Maple Leaf Hype Machine, but here's what's coming up tonight/tomorrow (Day 7):

We have an archer(!) who has made it to the Sweet Sixteen, having pulled upsets in the first two rounds. Best of luck to crazy-looking dude Jay Lyon of Winnipeg, who resumes competition at about 9PM MT.

Breaststroker (cue Butthead laugh) Annamay Pierse qualified for the 200m final with the 5th-fastest time. The gold and silver look to be locked up by Jones (AUS)/Soni (USA), but 3rd to 6th looks awfully wide open; that race goes at 812PM MT.

Wide open is how Brian Cazeneuve describes the women's heptathlon, which kicks off the track & field competition at 7PM MT. Canada's Jessica Zelinka finished 4th at Gotzis last year, which is an excellent sign, but has been recovering from injury and may not be on form. But, the "athlons" are by their nature rather wide open, so a medal is (narrowly) possible.

The women's softball team plays China, and then resumes their game against the USA with a 1-0 lead thru 3 innings. If they prove to be in the same league as the Americans, then a medal is clearly possible here.

And at about 4AM MT, the women's soccer team takes on the USA in the quarterfinals. You kinda need to believe in miracles to think they will eke out a victory there (all-time record vs. US = 3-36-4), but they have been competitive with the Americans recently.

Here's a link to the interview:http://deadspin.com/5036888/andrea-joyce-makes-tiny-gymnast-cry-enjoys-it

The difference between the US choking and Canada is that for the States, someone like Katie Hoff is labeled a disappointment despite the fact that she won three medals. Even if none of them were gold, she'd be a hero in Canada.

Taiwan just lost to China at baseball after blowing a 7-3 lead in the 12th inning.

To put it in a hockey perspective, that's like Canada blowing a 3-0 lead with five minutes left in the third to Denmark, and imagine Denmark was also actively trying to erase the world's perception of Canada as an independent nation.

Canada and Denmark are peacable nations, let's resolve this peacefully. Let's temporarily declare Hans Island a neutral site to host a showdown in the appropriate sport of Ice hockey. Winner takes "home ice advantage", once and for all.

It should be a best of seven, but it shouldn't be ice hockey; each round should be a different game: ice hockey, curling, biathlon, bobsledding, nordic combined, long-track speed skating, and, if necessary, the polar plunge.

It should be a best of seven, but it shouldn't be ice hockey; each round should be a different game: ice hockey, curling, biathlon, bobsledding, nordic combined, long-track speed skating, and, if necessary, the polar plunge.

Wow, nice to see Tyler Christopher finish fifth in the opening heats in the 400m and probably not make the semis (according to the CBC guys) forget Hayden, Shewfelt and anyone else: this guy is the most disappointing Canadian. At least he could have pulled a Felicien and run into something.