Advice on almost anything…

Dear Dharma,

Oh Dharma, I’m really hoping you can help me with my daughter! Your advice is always so enlightening so I’m really betting on you (no pressure! haha!) 🙂

I’ve been dating my boyfriend now for a little over 3 months. He’s amazingly good with my four year old daughter and she really seems to like him. There’s only one problem…..she keeps calling him “Daddy”! The first time I heard her call him that I was just so shocked that I didn’t know how to respond, and she’s done it a few more times since then.

Her biological dad isn’t in the picture right now so maybe she’s looking for someone to fill that role, but I still feel like this isn’t healthy. Am I wrong? Is this something to be happy about?

Sincerely,

Who’s Your Daddy

Dear WYD,

Clever sign off name. I like it. 🙂

But that’s where our little love fest ends because now I’m going to have to ride your butt before we actually get back around back to your question.

Do you know why it’s generally advised that parents who are in the dating scene not bring the new BF/GF around and let them interact “amazingly” with their four year old children?

It’s so that kids don’t form attachments and start calling them daddy before we know if the relationship is even going to work out.

You’ve already said her biological dad isn’t around “right now”, which I don’t even know what that means… He’s on vacation, he’s in jail, what? I guess it doesn’t matter, but it certainly emphasizes the lack of stability in her precious little four year old world, and now we’ve got this other guy who’s been around a whopping three months, and your guess is she might be looking for someone to fill the role of daddy?

I think you may just be onto something, WYD. She is looking for someone to fill that role, and now your situation is akin to asking how do I unburn the pudding. Because the damage is already done.

To answer your specific questions – nope, you are not wrong, this is in fact quite unhealthy and nope, happy dance not required.

Now What

Not that you asked.

My first instinct makes me mad, because it’s to tell you to have a conversation with the BF to get a sense of his commitment level. But seriously. How the eff does he know? It’s been three months, and it’s completely unfair to corner him like that.

However, I don’t think it’s out of line to say, “So you’ve probably noticed that sweet little Cindy Lou Who has been calling you daddy. What’s your take on that and how do you think we should handle this?”

And I guess you just go from there, hopefully with a renewed mission to protect your little one from losing two dads in four years, and counting.

Dharma

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