1. I must not attempt to have every session end with "Great game, guys, but now I have to revise my notes significantly."
2. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
3. Elona's favoured weapon is not the whip.
4. Despite modifiers, Maiko cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.
5. I am not allowed to rub the Keichi's head for luck. He will probably fireball me.
6. I am not allowed to rub any part of Shinobu for any reason.
7. I am welcome to try to rub any part of Sang, but I won't like the outcome.
8. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
9. There are no profanities in Celestial.
10. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
11. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
12. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
13. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
14. Cannot cast haste on the Daimyo during a long-winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
15. I cannot order the Druid to transform and roll out.
16. The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers
17. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
18. Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still doesn't restore any of my HP.
19. I have been assured with total certainty Ralph is not a Japanese name.
20. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity.
21. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
22. I am not allowed to declare my plan of action right before the DM takes a drink of his soda
23. I will not seduce the poorly named NPC that the DM intended to use for all of five seconds
24. I will not toss boars into the column of light that leads to the realm of chaos just for the hell of it
25. I will also not yell ‘Go piggie go!’ as I do so
26. I will not toss badgers into the…
27. Just because we bombed the enemy with 50lbs of opium does not mean I should encourage the Shugenja to use ‘color spray’
28. There is no Perform: Air Guitar skill
29. There is NO PERFORM: AIR GUITAR SKILL
30. You are not allowed to have your character dress in frilly costumes.
31. Especially if you are a pirate.
32. No, you cannot start up an S&M shop with those weapons.
33. My companions are not equipable shields.
34. I amnot allowed to use your companions as missile weapons.
35. I may not search for every fired arrow after an encounter.
36. I may not shout "Your GP or your HP!" as a battle cry.
37. If I lose a limb, I may not wield that limb as an improvised weapon.
38. Said limb is not considered a light weapon, even if I am in good shape.
39. Growing out your fingernails doesn't make them claw weapons.
40. You may not imbue any weapon with a portal to another dimension.
41 You especially may not use that weapon to send them straight to any hell for a technical instant kill. Oh wait… Nevermind. (Yes, I found those two on a list, and for the MURP people, Garath has one of them)
42. Profession: Lady of the Night doesn't exist. Stop asking.
43. If you've contracted a disease, you may not bottle any of your fluids and sell them as poisons.
44. The cute blonde female elven wizard cannot take anything with tentacles as a familiar.
45. One of these days, you ought to play a straight character
46. You really should play a sane character sometime
47. Even if you follow a god of gambling, blowing your money on a bet doesn't count as a tithe
48. Meditating in the middle of the battlefield is bad
49. Lingerie is a 'sometimes' armor.
50. Puns are only allowed as a verbal component for Blasphemy.
51. Flashing the lonely captain may get me free passage, but it doesn’t mean I should do it
52. Nibbles” is not a cute name for the hydra trying to eat another player
53. I cannot make my glamoured armor look like a chain mail bikini
54. …or souvenir T-shirts
55. Stealing a holy talisman from an NPC, melting it down, and turning it into a holy symbol for my own god is not 'good'…but it is awesome
56. Just because its male and I’m a bard doesn’t mean I should try to sleep with it. Yes, I mean you.
57. I should not attempt to Inspire Competence by playing The Pink Panther theme song during Hide checks
58. I will not learned Celestial in order to tell priests from rival churches where they can shove it
59. I will not consider the possibility of using my intelligent sword as my maid of honor should my character get married
60. I will not train my horse to fetch the small PC in the group with its mouth
61. “I wasn’t built for this—oh god don’t let me die” really shouldn’t be my battle cry
62. Bardic Knowledge will not help me remember what it was I was supposed to ask the oracle after three days of traveling
63. …or tell me who the hell that one random guy in the corner is
64. …or the sexual kinks of the local politicians
65. …or the kinks of their immediate family
66. …or the results of pickling basilisk eyes
67. …or if the guy I’m considering charming has VD
68. …or why the guy who’s trying to kill me is so grumpy
69. …or why the DM now yells “BARDIC KNOWLEDGE DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY!” before I even have a chance to suggest its use
70. I am no longer allowed to sing the "You Are A Pirate" song from Lazytown.
71. There is no such thing as perform: (hammertime)
72. Polearm-Chucks do not exist. I should stop tying Guisarmes to Glaives.
73. It can not be house-ruled that a deities' favoured weapon is said Polearm-Chucks.
74. The material component for dominate person is not "leather, whips, and chains."
75. "Out of" is not an appropriate alignment.
76. "Bensvelk zara" is not Draconic for "nice ass," no matter what the Draconomicon says
77. Fire is not the only solution to any problem.
78. Blasting powder is not the other solution to any problem.
79. There are no such things as +1 Throwing Gnomes.
80. I cannot give my non-magical weapons their own names
81. Nor can I pretend that they are sentient
82. Nor can I convince the rest of the party that they are either. Not even with my bluff modifier.
83. Just because I saw it in the movies does not mean that it is a possible martial arts maneuver
84. Especially against a dragon
85. When the GM asks for a die, give it to him nicely, and don't demand XP for it.
86. Higher AC on female charaters does not make them more scantily clad, regardless of what the pictures show.
87. This includes Maiko, despite the fact that she doesn't wear armour.
88. I cannot convince a demon to form a death metal band with me, even if I'm evil.
89. Demons cannot be defeated by either the fiddle or the guitar. No matter how hard you rock.
90. There is no demon code that says they must accept rock off challenges.
91. All variants of Everad's Black Tentacles are banned.
92. I am not allowed to buy 50,000 fishhooks, sheets of paper, quill pens, signet rings, or sewing needles and carry them all around just because they have a negligible weight.
93. Even if I am humming the Indiana Jones theme song, a 1 on the use rope check is still a 1 on the use rope check.
94. I am not allowed to use my warhammar as a golf club.
95. It is unlikely that hitting a large stove with a hammer in hopes that it will fly through the air and hit a nearby werewolf will have any positive effects.
96. When I play the healbot, it is to be assumed that I will be doing more healing than flamestriking.
97. I am not allowed to say "I grab the plot-hook and swim for dear life."
98. Perform(mooning) is not class for my paladin
99. I am not allowed to make 1d10sp per day with an "enjoyable performance"
100. Panty Raids are an innappropriate use of the spell Time Stop