Today’s Birthdays – 14 September

If it’s your birthday today you share it with Ivan Pavlov (1849). He is famous for discovering The Reflex years before Duran Duran and also for being 158 years old. That’s a good age – why isn’t that on the news instead of all that crap about Organic Food for Schoolchildren? Apparently he discovered conditioned reflex by feeding dogs whilst ringing a bell, the dogs that didn’t come when he rang the bell were shot dead. By the end of the first week all the dogs were responding to the bell, in fact one day an ice-cream van went by the house and the whole pack went into a frenzy of fear, tore Pavlov’s assistant to pieces and shat on the carpet.

Also today, Clayton Moore (1914) the actor who played the Lone Ranger. Well actually, we only have his word for that.
The truth is that on his second day on the lot he accidentally shot himself in the foot whilst trying to remove his holster, belt and trousers when trying to get on the toilet in a hurry. The next day he sent in his housekeeper, Greg, who donned the mask and managed to put in a better performance than Clayton had the previous day. Obviously, Clayton took the $1,000 a day from the studio and paid Greg $500. It didn’t take Greg long to get the same idea and he found himself relaxing by the pool whilst his brother-in-law, Ian, was wearing the mask.

This went well for some years, a whole string of franchised Lone Rangers. You may be able to spot the difference between them when watching the show, especially episode 23 when Hi Hung Hat, Greg’s laundry boy had his five minutes of fame. The whole thing was blown wide open however, when the Studio had a 100th episode party and all 43 of the Lone Rangers turned up.
‘Lone Rangers, my arse,’ said the Studio Boss,’more like Gregarious Conservatives’. How ironic.

Don’t blame me – if you were born two days ago you would have had Barry White and Maurice Chevalier.