Tuesday, June 12, 2007

If you were the billionaire parent of an obnoxious twentysomething who had never had to work a day in her life, possessed no talents discernible to the human eye yet was world famous simply for being the offspring of a billionaire and said progeny one day found herself doing a stint in the big house, would you (a) take the opportunity to examine how you might have played a role, perhaps through less-than-stellar parenting during her formative years, in creating your daughter's current situation or (b) arrange for your daughter to receive special treatment that only served to disregard and complicate the day-to-day existence of her fellow inmates, some of them potentially murderous?

If you chose (b), congratulations! You're a Hilton!

On Tuesday, (presumably) non-billionaire visitors to the Los Angeles correctional facility that Paris Hilton currently calls home--many of whom had waited in line for hours to see their imprisoned loved ones--were passed over in favor of Paris' folks, who got to scoot on inside just after their arrival to spend quality time with their sex-tape-starring, one-pucker-faced-pose-for-photographs-having, probation-for-DUI-arrest-violating masterpiece.

Judging by the reactions of the non-incarcerated visitors to the prison, this incident--combined with the fact that Hilton is staying in the medical ward of the facility, which is much more private (not to mention significantly costlier to taxpayers) than general population, despite showing no clear signs of illness other than vague rumors of a "rash" that briefly got her out of jail altogether last week--it's fair to assume that the people who are already living behind bars are none too pleased with their most famous neighbor.

I'm sure Paris will be fine, however. She'll just have to keep her head down until the prison talent show, where she'll no doubt win the adoration of all the inmates by displaying the many gifts that brought her fame and fortune in the first place.