TALE OF THE TAPE

Tale Of The Tape: NHL Negotiations Vs. A Bad Date

Locks you out of your workplace for months with security guards at the ready.

Winner
Leaves you drinking water and eating table bread at a restaurant for over an hour before letting you know they can’t make it.

Who's Involved

People who look like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like someone who had ever picked up a hockey stick.

Winner
Someone who looks like your grandfather with way too much make-up on and nothing like that online personal you replied to.

Meeting Point

Winner
Undisclosed locations that sound like dingy basements with blood-spattered walls and one fluorescent light bulb in the middle.

A self-help seminar on how to trust people again after your parents put your dog to sleep and tell you he ran away.

Conversations

Winner
Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts can understand.

Talks about money in a way only accountants and financial analysts would, as far as they know.

Possible 2nd Date?

Winner
Abruptly breaks off talks and doesn’t speak to the other party for a week.

Runs crying from the restaurant and calls you up a week later to tell you, “we should do this again.”

Outsider Perspective

Winner
More action and drama than the NHL has had as a sport in years.

Winner
Hilarious to everyone involved except the two people on the actual date.

The Winner Is

WinnerNHL Negotiations

4 out of 6

After some careful consideration and thoughtful review, its been determined that the NHL Negotiations are worse than a bad date. Why? Because not even a federally appointed mediator can't help fix the problem.