Do Drunk-Driving Laws Apply to Zamboni Drivers?

Kevin Underhill
, ContributorI write about the law.Opinions expressed by Forbes Contributors are their own.

The Smoking Gun reports that a 34-year-old man was arrested Monday night in Minnesota for driving while intoxicated. Witnesses reported the man was driving erratically, which responding officers confirmed when they saw him "struggling to maneuver" his vehicle. And as we have seen before -- but only once before -- the police may arrest you for DWI even if you are driving a Zamboni ice machine at the time.

Zamboni! (Image: Brood_wich via Flickr)

Whether you can be convicted for this, however, is another story. The question in non-automotive DWI cases is typically whether the conveyance in question qualifies as a "vehicle" or "motor vehicle" under applicable law. Riding-lawnmower DWIs are really too common to mention anymore, although I will generally make space for motorized beer coolers and will go out of my way to write about motorized bar stools. Things like those have generally been held to be "motor vehicles." More controversial are cases involving horses, which generally do not have motors but could be (and have been) considered a "vehicle."

In the only previous Zamboni DWI case (to my knowledge), a New Jersey judge dismissed the charge against that defendant after ruling that a Zamboni is not a "motor vehicle." He based this on his findings that a Zamboni can't be used on streets or highways and can't carry passengers. That was great for the defendant (who wasn't really putting anyone at risk), but was also, quite obviously, wrong. They are easily big enough to carry passengers (and some hockey teams offer Zamboni rides to lucky fans). And if Zambonis can't be used on streets, how did these gentlemen manage to take theirs through the Burger King drive-thru lane? The prosecution rests.

This is not to say that there should be severe penalties (or any penalties) for someone convicted of this. If a Zamboni is not actually out on the road, at least, it is hard to imagine that any real risk is posed by a vehicle that doesn't leave the ice and has a top speed of 3 to 5 mph. Unless I'm wrong about the latter, I'm not buying testimony that a Zamboni driver was "speeding" (the claim in the New Jersey case) or that the Zamboni "careened across the ice" (as the Minnesota witnesses claimed). I'm sorry, but a Zamboni wouldn't "careen" unless you put rockets on it.

And yes, I would pay a lot to see that, and please remember it was my idea. Unless something bad happens. But if you ever do get hold of a rocket-powered Zamboni, all I can say is, "designated driver."