Widespread disappointment in SW as floods fail to be worst ever

The halcyon days of blaming infrequent weather conditions on global warming appear to be at an end. This year's annual submerging of properties on the Severn flood plain failed to be the worst since records began, or as long as anyone can remember, or even since last year.

"This is a disaster for the campaign", said climate change activist Tarquin Smythe, "it could take years, but we will bounce back stronger from this setback. We really were hoping for scenes of widespread devastation, loss of life and a massive cost to the insurance industry". TV companies were equally frustrated.

Sky News alone had despatched twenty seven separate news crews to the area to milk the stories of human suffering, as well as film some twat in a canoe. "All we are left with is some footage of quite deep puddles with cars driving through and some piles of disappointingly dry sandbags.

Jeremy Clarkson celebrated the end of global warming by racing up and down the A34 in a Bugattti Vaeron