MELBOURN CELEBRITY SQUASH

Gandhi at one (Bez with a Movember tribute)
Si Barker playing another teenager (guess the result)
Moz at three (Bonnie Tyler). Will explain why later
Me at 4
Kev R at 5, playing as a virgin for the Cambs team (turned up as Muhammed Ali)

First one Kev R playing a new bloke on their team (their captain standing down for the night, hmm, wonder why) and Si Barker on the other court coz his opponent had to be in bed for nine o clock

I marked Kev’s game, and he played some great squash, was 14-11 up in the first 5-1 up in the second, but played the best no 5 I’ve seen in this league and got edged out 16-14, 15-111 and 15-11. No disgrace on his first outing and we will be looking for more!! He should have don what was done to him the night before and clocked him one over the nose with his racket (hence the Ali impression)

Si B on the other court, playing another banana skin, which is another 10 year old. Only joking, he was 16. The lad never stopped running and unfortunately Si run out a 3 nil loser.

So, we are now struggling.

Me next up and Moz will go on the other court in a bit.

Their number 4 played pretty tight but fortunately was even slower than me to boasts and drops, so managed to finish him in 3, fortunately as pulled my back after here points!

Moz playing tricky player on the other court, with some great racket skills (last time he played he took smithy to 5 hard games playing at 2). Loses the first easily. In the meantime, Gandhi is on against their number one. Max’s last game was against Powley, so he’s looking forward to this. Bez/Gandhi always within himself and closes it out 3 zip, just as Simon M has drawn level at 1 each, by scraping the second 16-14. Looking ominous as Moz looks knackered ,although to give Moz credit, so does his opponent to an extent. Perhaps there’s a chink of light. Into the third and Moz gets hammered, hitting to many at the front or down the centre and Mark (his opponent) picks them off easily, beating Moz to 7 points.

So we’re going down like the Independence spaceship in Armageddon.

I’m off for a shower. I haven’t got the oratory skills of Bruce Willis to bring it round.

Shower finished, towelling down (no this isn’t a plumber porn movie) his opponent staggers into the changing room. His team mate follows, saying ‘don’t speak, just breath’. Blimey Moz has levelled it at 2 each, and his opponent looks like he is struggling. As usual Moz trying to get his monies worth, going to 5 games.

So into the fifth. I start thinking of Bonnie Tyler. Are we waiting for ‘our hero at the end of the night’.

Yes, we are, and Moz digs in, winning it 15-13 in the last.

A result, a 14-8 win.

On to the pub , where a selection of fish, sausages and pies abound. In hindsight, not sure how, but nine of us managed to spend £113.