A Letter To My 16 Year-Old Self…

I know that this is one of the most cliche and least original blog posts. But everyones story is different and I believe it is important that we take time to reflect on the decisions and choices we made, even thought we may hate ourselves now for making them, they have shaped us into the person we are today.

These two photos were taken in August two years apart. Things will get better, you’ve just got to hang in there and have a little faith.

August 2016

August 2018

Dear 16 Year-Old me,

The next few years are going to be hard Rach and I don’t think anything I tell you now will prepare you for what you will go through. But please trust me when I say this, I promise you that you will make, and everything that you SURVIVE will make you so much stronger.

School is going to be tough, people are going to be mean and you are going to feel incredibly hopeless and alone. At the time the depression and anxiety will completely consume you and you will struggle to look ahead to the future, because it feels like a black hole has swallowed you up and there is no way out. But you do have a future and it is so bright. I know it is impossible to see right now but you are fighter and you manage to prove everyone wrong. People will make fun of you and your scars and they will make fun of you for your failed attempt of suicide. They will taunt you and laugh about you behind your back and for the last few months of sixth from you will not go into school because you can no longer face them. But despite all of this you make it through you’re a-levels and you somehow manage to pass them all even though you were told by your head of sixth form to drop out. YOU DID IT GIRL!

You are kind and caring and sadly people will take advantage of that. You will gain and loose many friends over the next few years and it’s going to be hard, you will be let down and betrayed a countless number of time by the people who you thought would be in your life forever. It will hurt but you are the bigger person, so move on and learn from it.

Do not let your mental health define you. Yes, it is a part of you but you will not let it take control of your life. The next few years are going to be tough, you will take a number of different anti-depressants, anti-anxiety and sleeping pills and you are still taking them now. But things are more stable now and you are slowly but surly finding ways to cope and to mange the bad days. Self-harm and suicide will be a big hurdle, that you will overcome. Don’t be ashamed of your scars they are a part of you and your journey to becoming the person you are now. Be proud of yourself for making it this far!