Pages

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Cue in the Self-Doubt

Here's is what I am working on now. Since it is not partof the new series, I am posting it.

For those of you who think that I don't have any self-doubt about my artistic ability, you're wrong. At the moment I am full of self-doubt. In fact, I am kind of drowning in it. I assume most artists experience this at some point, especially when trying something new, like, say a new series. I am no different.

I have been working for three days trying to get what is in my head out on a panel and it hasn't been working. Part of it is my unfamiliarity with what I am trying to do. Part of it is impatience. I have worked so long on tight, figurative paintings that loosing up and doing something more "abstract" has been difficult. I am frustrated that I am not getting the results that I want NOW. I guess it's ridiculous for me to expect after three days to be proficient at something new, but I can't help it. I have expectations of myself and failure is not one of them. I am not very patient. I like instant gratification and so far I have hated everything I have tried for this new work. So here I am frustrated and doubting myself. What do I do now?

I think the best thing for me is to work on something familiar for the moment. I started a new "Forgotten Memories" painting and I am feeling pretty good about my abilities as an artist again. I'm thinking the best plan for me is to work on the new stuff in between the familiar so that I have some success in between the frustration...at least until the new stuff starts to click with me. I don't want to give up my vision for this new series because, one, I think it's a worthwhile series, but also because I don't want to be a quitter. Being challenged and frustrated will help me grow as an artist, and growth is very important. I've said it before, and I will say it again: I don't ever want to become too comfortable or stagnant as an artist. If this means having moments of self-doubt and anxiety in order to do something new, then so be it. I know that the only way I can work through this is to keep painting and to paint A LOT. It's only through a lot of painting that I will be able to work things out and, hopefully sooner than later, get what I see in my head out for the rest of the world to see.

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

Jhina Alvarado is a self-taught artist who is represented by galleries across the United States. Her work has been featured in various international and national magazines, blogs, and art technique books. She currently works part-time as a calculus and pre-calculus teacher at the Ruth Asawa School of the Arts and paints full-time in her home studio in San Francisco.
Visit her website at www.jhinaalvarado.com