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Monday, June 02, 2008

What I've been doing...

I've been doing so much of everything, that's I've close to nothing this week.

I feel very pulled in many directions and unconnected. It's one of my least favorite feelings. I'm thinking about a lot at once and doing little. Or I'm trying to do a lot, but managing to do little well. I'm not sure what I even said today, though I know I spoke. I tried to be courteous to others, but what they may have seen was someone in a golden poncho running by.

There is a certain color of morning that only a West Coast ocean can produce. While some see the reds and pinks of sunrise, the ocean sees blues. Outside the window on the beach, dark and light blue. I see this image on the cover of a book and I cross my fingers.

There are perfect mornings and ghosts reflecting from the windows. I need to slow down. I need to.

Today I was annoyed because I found a darling multi-colored scarf on the sidewalk. Someone said, "It might belong to those people." *Those people* were halfway down the street. I said, "Yell to them." The someone said, "They are too far away."

I said, "Now this scarf if my responsibility. I regret seeing this scarf." I didn't chase the people yelling "Is this your scarf?" which actually is something my more active personality would do, but this unfocused scattered personality just wanted to take a nap.

If this sounds like a scene from Frog and Toad are Friends, it could be if it weren't my life.

And the scarf? It's been sent to the Lost and Found. Maybe I can find my old self there, the one who isn't so scattered as I've been. Maybe my center is there.