Saturday, 18 October 2014

One of the questions that has always been lingering around
me and is a topic of much contention is the question of happiness. How real is
this idea of happiness, or does it exist at all? Well you probably have a
hundred self- help books that tell you how to be happy, some of you might have
found it in a lover’s arms, some at the piano keys and some at the bottom of a
bottle. Well as a recluse, I obviously do not find it amongst a sea of people
and as a teetotaller I do not find it any of the vices. As someone who knows a
little bit about the way the brain functions, I would say that happiness is
nothing but a neurological state . It is the way our brain reacts to certain
situations that we humans conveniently call happy or pleasant ones. Well pick
up any biochemistry textbook and you will see a hundreds of reactions about
essential bodily functions. Now why is it that the chemicals that make us happy
( dopamine , serotonin etc.) are so glorified and not the others that are as
essential if not more essential than these.
More so if someone is in misery , as to why his reaction to given situations
cannot be accepted as just another chemical reaction and nothing more. As to
why it has to be treated with sympathy or any other such thing beats me.

As a medical student who sees patients at the hospital , I cannot
help but feel bad at the plight of patients. Pain and suffering is ultimately pain
and suffering. Somehow , it equalizes all of us . And as another college kid , I
see so many other witnesses to this pain and suffering spending their days
blissfully partying and indulging in every vice possible . The funny part is
the doctor who spends all day dealing with his patients is then called cold and
unemotional. Anywho , these are the two absolute opposite ends of humanity that
I have seen. And maybe here lies the eternal curse that has been cast on us.
Humans are all equalized by their pain , and segregated by their happiness.
Every party or every group or every society has that one outcast , that one
misunderstood person, that one labelled person. But in a hospital ward for example
, everyone is in pain and gets equal treatment. It would be such a sacrament to
consider one patient’s pain ( physical and psychological greater or lesser than
another patient’s.) The point that I want to make is that somehow pain, no
matter how painful seems to be much more equalizing than happiness.

Now let me come down to the topic of delusion. Well , as an absolute
rationalist I would have to say that many ideas that people find happiness in
have absolutely no rational basis whatsoever. Cite things such as religion,
superstition or your favourite good luck charm as an example. Fact of the
matter is we all have had those blissful summers of childhood when the entire
world seemed so beautiful , before rationality entered our lives and taught us
what was true and what was false. Alas those summers slipped away , and you no
longer are amused by those stories that your parents read out to you to put you
to sleep. And we are desperate to find those summers in the winter of this
life. ‘Always the summers are slipping away…… find me a way to make it stay ‘Humans
are very desperate to find happiness. And the mind sees what it chooses to see.
And that is why so many claim to have found that elusive diamond that is
happiness. And if you are rational enough , you will see one delusion after the
other falling . And you will be miserable without delusion , yet you will be
truthful . Delusion is the key to happiness and it is well also diagnostic of
many psychiatric conditions.

So you see, we humans are very imperfect creatures. And happiness
seems to be this wondrous perfect state. So where can we possibly find
happiness? Well I think you can find it in those things that are a product of
nature and not of humans themselves. Products of nature such as the way the
human body works or how the physical world works , or how strings vibrate to
produce music. These wonders of the world seems so beautiful and devoid of
human corruption. And you know what the best part about these ? They will never
betray you or go back on their words. Your science and your art will always be
there for you. They will still be beautiful and interesting no matter what .
And that I think is something no human being could do for another.

But we are but imperfect humans, thrown into this world of
other imperfect humans. Even if you are reclusive, you still will have your own
imperfections by virtue of being a human as you try to appreciate the wonders
of nature. So you probably will not be able to find true happiness because as
much as you try , you will not be absolutely at one with nature and its beauty
no matter how close you get to it. So how do you reconcile this predicament?
Well the way I do it is by accepting the fact that we are all human , all too
human. These imperfections are inherent to us. For every patient that dies ,
there is some kid getting wasted. That hypocrisy or duality (if you like Indian
philosophy) is a part and parcel of the human condition . Someone is going to
be miserable sometimes , and denying it is pure repression. Fact is most people
are not brave enough to believe in an inconvenient truth. And the truth is almost always inconvenient .To them it all boils
down to what is convenient to them. Too many thoughts on your mind, let’s
chemically suppress the nervous system! Does that make our basic imperfect
truths go away? Does it bring those summers back? No it does not. So the only
way to deal with this predicament it to accept that misery is but a part of the human condition that does not
need to be hated . So while accepting this basic truth , looking for those
moments of completeness in science or art ( or anything else of that nature)
makes much more sense to me.

The highway is the only one that can shelter him./* So this one draws from audioslave's I am the highway and Porcupine tree's I drive the hearse. It's about a solitary wanderer realizing that wandering is ultimately what he has to do . It is the only thing real for him. Everything else and everyone else comes and goes like various passengers on the hearse and only the highway remains. The highway is the wanderer's ultimate muse */

Thursday, 9 October 2014

Beautiful creaturePerched so purposefullyDignified in statureEach pointed feather in placeSeemingly youthfulBut your eyes give it awayShinning, yet sadThere is a weight in those eyesA weight larger than your frame could ever carryUnder the gleam of pristine feathers, you’re a fighterProtecting yourself is second natureThat sharp beak does not go unusedYou keep up your image and hope to protect what’s underneathFlight from others gives you that protection tooMajestic wings to carry you to solitudeBut with solitude, you lose those that still choose to care

Sunday, 5 October 2014

I have always dreaded that room. It's too loud, it's too bright. Sometimes I wish I had dark sunglasses on . Sometimes I wish I had ear muffs to block out all that clatter. More than too bright , more than too loud I think it's too many people. Just too many of the , talking about different things. Every one talking and no body listening. I wish someone would listen to me. So I try to talk in that room even though I find it uncomfortable. I talk and no one listens. But no one listens to anyone anyway. They talk at me . They say I don't know how to talk. They say I am too silent.So I keep away from the room . I talk to myself. Myself keeps me happy . He is my best friend. Sometimes , he even listens to me. Sometimes we make a louder noise than the entire dreaded room. I am happy to finally have someone who listens. But I can't understand why they won't listen to me. More so ,why would they say that I don't know how to talk . I talk to myself ,don't I? And he understands me too. So why can't that room also listen. So I decided to give it one final try. Since everyone calls me silent , I decided to go scream in the room. So I went to the room and screamed at the top of my voice. I thought they'd be happy that I wasn't silent anymore. But they just scoffed at me and called me too loud . This room is beyond me. I think , it's not that I don't know how to talk , it's that they don't know how to listen . Anyway , I am going back to myself. At least he listens to me. I don't like being alone, I just like being heard.