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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The Thing(s) I am Most Afraid Of...

Day 7 of the "Blog Every Day In May" challenge is to write about the thing(s) I am most afraid of. Before cancer, my fears were pretty simple. I have always been afraid of balloons and rubber bands. I also know from where these fears originated.

My fear of balloons:
It started at a young age...shortly after the popularity of the "punch balloons" and the "sit on the balloon until it pops" relay races. I believe I had some traumatic experiences with both. Ever since then, I am terrified if it appears to be imminent for a balloon to pop. Some examples include when a ceiling fan is on and the balloon begins to approach it, or when one of my children has a balloon and is pinching it.

My fear of rubber bands:
I hate rubber bands. I know there are some good uses for them, but I would rather find another tool than to utilize the rubber band. My fear of rubber bands definitely originated from my brothers having very large rubber band guns. My parents armed my twin brothers with the guns but not me and my sister. We were weaponless and would be chased down with those things. And the gun apparently worked best with the industrial size rubber bands. These experiences were not my fondest childhood memories.

More Recent Fear:
You know your life hasn't been too bad if rubber bands and balloons are some of your biggest fears. Then cancer struck. It struck at a very surprising time. It struck me as a young wife and mom with two tiny children--a 2 year old and an 8 month old. Of course, some of my first thoughts when I was told about my stage 3 cancer was, "What would my little children do if they lost me, their mother?" Also, "I would hate to leave Drew alone, without his wife and best friend and mother of his children." That, folks, has to be my biggest fear. I have no fear of death itself. I believe in Heaven and my eternity with Jesus Christ. Again, my fear is just leaving my kids without a mother (and Drew without his best friend and partner in life). I know that fear does not come from the Lord. Thankfully, those terrible thoughts do not occur very frequently. But when they do, I turn immediately to prayer as a solution for instant peace.

For our light
and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far
outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what
is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal
(2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)