Are you watching this show? Do you wish someone would watch along with you because everyone else you know thinks it’s dumb? Here is what I was saying while I was watching it–I WILL WATCH WITH YOU.

Spoiler Thoughts:

I find it hard to think that Hades can’t just zap Zelena back from wherever she is.

So far, Hades has not been making out too bad with these deals.

Hey, it’s a “Heroes Reborn” reunion!

Nice mirror to Emma’s bail bondsman intro the first episode.

I feel like ripping up the contract is not legally binding.

So I really like this scene. In the first place, I think Robbie Kay does a great job as Evil!Pan!

In the second place, everyone here acts consistently with their characters. Emma keeps the spirit of her bargains, Rumple rarely does.

Not sure why Pan didn’t take Zelena with him when he poofed out, but oh well.

I always think it’s hilarious that those jelly hearts split in half like “click.”

Oh quick, snap ’em back together again and stick it back in.

How was Peter Pan going to get back alive? Isn’t his body rotting somewhere?

I can’t tell whether this is Emma before or after Neal and Henry.

This seems like a pretty sketchy plan from Hades.

Papa not so happy with baby Rumple.

Why can’t Rumple just sling Belle over his shoulder and take off? Or poof her over there? Why does he even need a box?

I feel like people transport sleeping people normally without Pandora’s Box.

Robin is feeling the consequences of having spent this whole arc babysitting out in the woods.

Regina is becoming a little credulous in virtue.

Emma was kind of a brat.

Poor Stealthy.

I don’t get how you can just become mayor or Ruler of the Underworld just by saying so.

I’m not a lawyer, but I don’t think that’s how elected officials happen.

Maybe if the lame denizens of Storybrooke ever lifted a finger to help themselves against every evil person who walks over and says they’re in charge, their lives wouldn’t be as crappy as they usually are.

This doesn’t seem like the most strenuous test of true love ever.

That was not the best fire effect this show has ever done.

Colin should maybe work a little on his “burning man” acting.

Turned out someone can’t turn good that fast.

Zelina, still not the sharpest stick in the drawer.

Good going, Emma.

Killian, you don’t let go, you are going to keep her hand with you in the Underworld.

I hope this girl gave Emma a discount.

So what was the point of the whole flashback? To show that Emma got some poor woman killed and learned the wrong lesson from it?

If Emma and Regina combined can reverse Hades’ spells, you’d think this adventure would have taken less time than it did.

Nooo! Robbie!

If Rumple could distract him long enough to put Robin’s heart back and get a wineskin and fill it with lost soul water, you’d think he could have just skipped the Robin part altogether.

Not sure this is how Pandora’s Box historically works.

Rumple walking over and stepping through the portal without so much as a look back is the most perfect example of someone NGAF ever.

Clock stopped. Glad they left and took all the hope with them, abandoning everyone to Cruella for Eternity.

Are you watching this show? Do you wish someone would watch along with you because everyone else you know thinks it’s dumb? Here is what I would have said while I was watching it–I WILL WATCH WITH YOU.

Spoiler Thoughts:

Mulan is the most mirthless character.

Dorothy is pretty grim as well. This is like a medley of unpleasant characters plus Ruby.

I don’t entirely get Zelina’s train of logic all the time. She doesn’t seem to want to be Team Hades, but then she’s not looking to be part of Team Swan, either, and those are kind of the only games in town.

Well actually, Belle, you were protecting Rumple. The baby wasn’t really in the picture.

It’s nice they overtly acknowledge Charming isn’t the alpha hero in this family.

Why are they all sitting there letting Cruella rip out the phone? Like they have to observe her mayoral powers?

I don’t think the Underworld is where I’d start obeying municipal authority. Just bean Claude with a rock–it’s not like you’re gonna kill him.

Zelina really isn’t that thrilled at the prospect of becoming as earnestly dull as Regina.

Whenever Regina shows up to chat with Zelina, she’s stuck being the Snow/Emma, and Zelina gets to be the Regina.

I thought Ruby found her pack and had to kill her Mom to stop her from killing Snow?

I guess we’re not getting the big David/James throw-down.

Ugh. The Belle-Zelena mutual pity party is pretty sad.

Maybe y’all are in your respectively pitiful states because of bad decision-making, and not some malign fate.

Charming and Hook are always a good pairing.

How is Ruby not going to smell the poppy when it’s stuck in her waistband?

When you control your powers, you can transform with your clothes.

Are you KIDDING me? There’s another place to eat in town and no one ever went there?

And it serves chicken and waffles?!

The idea that everyone still hangs out at Granny’s when they could be having chicken and waffles is maybe the most unbelievable thing ever in OUAT.

Taking away the chicken and waffles cements Hades as total evil.

If past results are positive predictors, Mulan is possibly the worst person to give relationship advice.

Wait. If Hook can change the names, why doesn’t he change them to Gold and Zelena and Belle, and the rest of them can take a powder?

Or even some Joe Blow who is already stuck there?

I feel we’re not taking full advantage of this power.

For that matter, why can’t they use the slippers to go back and forth every day? Do they get used up?

Maybe this is when the PR tour for Zootopia started.

Didn’t Hades just say it wasn’t about Zelena?

There are some good hairdressers in Oz.

It’s very romantic, until you remember Aunt Em became liquefied for this reunion.

Like Rumple could stop Hades doing boo in the Underworld.

Poor Belle. Her only hope of true love is the Dad who tried to marry her off for political reasons, and then kidnapped her and tried to give her amnesia.

Like this:

Are you watching this show? Do you wish someone would watch along with you because everyone else you know thinks it’s dumb? Here is what I would have said while I was watching it–I WILL WATCH WITH YOU.

Spoiler Thoughts:

Well, they did a pretty good job in matching this guy’s outfit to the movie Gaston’s.

Belle is kind of a pushover.

GDI Belle. Gold’s not good. He doesn’t wanna be good. He’s never gonna be good.

It must be pretty cold if they finally got Emma a sturdy jacket.

Maybe Emma could tell Snow about the foreshadowing of her doom?

Hades is kind of a mouth-breather.

Does Gaston work in an animal shelter?

The way to Belle’s heart has always been to support her half-baked plans.

Like literally, Merida almost crushed her skull with a rock, and she still helped her because she was flattered anyone believed in her magical prowess.

Yeah, I think once someone kills you and makes you suffer for eternity, it’s probably a little late to kumbaya that over.

Wait, doesn’t Zelena hate everyone again, since Hades told her he was on her side?

Gold does have a point. Belle is just using him like AAA when she wants something.

“Here’s where she meets Price Charming, but she won’t discover that its him till chapter three.”

Regina became Dr. Phil all of a sudden.

Well, Emma is kind of right. This was a terrible plan.

But, it’s not like this is any different from all their other terrible plans.

Actually Emma, I seem to remember you forcing Gold to come down here pretty good.

I like how Gaston and Gold are totes down with murder, but breaking into a man’s locker? Sacré bleu!

It is a bad day for Gaston.

Belle is such a dip. There is no way Gaston didn’t orchestrate all this.

Holy Lipsmacking Gobstopper. Does Belle actually think Gold will keep his word to her? When this has never happened before?

You are all the bad judgement, Belle.

“We don’t like what we don’t understand, in fact it scares us, and this monster is mysterious at least…”

Gold does like to chat over his vengeance-getting.

Well that could have gone better.

Belle’s Dad is so much worse than Merida’s Mom.

I guess you’d think Belle would like Gaston better for being a monster, like with Rumple.

Glad Belle is apparently ok now, with all the lies and evil and betrayal Rumple’s accomplished during their marriage.

By this time, I feel like Hades might be a better parent than either of them.

Spoiler Thoughts:

You know, Rebecca Mader gives it all she’s got, but Zelinda continues to not be my favorite character.

This crazy/evil thing she’s got going is entertaining but starts to get one-note when she can’t seem to move past her abandonment issues.

But that’s the same as all the villains, I think–Regina kind of stalled out for me when she kept flip-flopping back into evil because of Daniel, and Gold’s in danger of the same. It’s fun to see unabashed evil, but if it doesn’t go anywhere…it doesn’t go anywhere.

Wow Dorothy. That was quite possibly the worst plan in the history of plans.

It’s a good thing Zelina suddenly forgot how to be effective.

Gold can make portals? Wasn’t there roughly a jillion times where we really needed a portal and couldn’t get one?

Oh, and Zelina’s back in Storybrooke. Good thing she suddenly remembers to be competent when the plot requires it.

Too bad we didn’t leave anyone with any power back in Storybrooke to protect against her.

Blue is all “well that’s that. Peace and quiet at last.”

That’ll teach Zelina not to wear rubber soles.

“No one loves you.” Ouch Hades.

Hansel and Gretel’s witch is surprisingly helpful. She ought to have moved on by now.

You tell them Henry. Like any of them are doing anything.

“The Catch” is pretty repulsive looking.

Everyone in Storybrooke celebrates their birthdays with a sad cupcake.

Aw. Hades and Zelina bonded over their mutual vortices of perceived self-victimization.

Oh wow, Rumple. Now might not be the time to go the full disclosure route.

Yeah, this isn’t going well.

Harsh truth times with Belle tonight.

Belle, if you stay with him after all this, you are dumber than a sack of bricks.

Regina, Evangelist for Good.

This weird Shatner-esque delivery Hades keeps using is pretty distracting.

Didn’t the bicycle actually belong to Elmira Gulch?

Robin the Credulous Hood.

Wow, who could ever have predicted Zelina’s shocking betrayal.

Serious? Those dudes couldn’t catch up to a limping woman in heels and a top hat?

It’s hard to think what Dorothy ever thought she could do against Zelina in the first place.

Not being afraid of a homicidal lunatic when she’s got you paralyzed just shows a bad analysis of your situation, IMO.

If all you needed was a baby for the spell, this doesn’t seem like the easiest one Hades could have gotten.

Everyone is as revolted by Zelina’s maudlin self-sacrifice as they were by her psychosis.

Hades hasn’t really gotten out much.

Oh wow. I can’t believe that they actually made me feel bad for Hades, putting the moves on Zelina.

Oh Hades. If only there were someone who really loved you.

This is the creepiest love scene ever, and it’s still more appealing than “The Catch.”