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Come Heller high water … the August 30th edition

Yeah, it was bad taste for Melania Trump to wear stiletto heels, a designer outfit and a FLOTUS cap to Houston, but as the Daily Show’s Trevor Noah pointed out at least she was there to help people, so give her a break. That said, would the right have given Michelle Obama a break if she’d done that? Not a chance.

OK, the FLOTUS hat was a bit weird, though. Did she somehow think if she didn’t wear it that people wouldn’t know who she was?

My Inner Bad Andy is saying the cap should have said, “I’m with stupid.” Ahahahaha. (Inner Bad Andy doesn’t realize he’s not funny, by the way. But he has fun.)

Best tweet I saw about Houston, which accompanied a photo of a block-long line of people: “Wanna know what this line is for? Food? Water? Housing? These people are waiting in line to volunteer.” Yup. And that’s the America I know. Not the fringe collection of white supremacists, Nazi wannabes and Confederate mouth-breathers who descended on poor Charlottesville.

And in case you missed it, when it returns from summer recess Congress will debate taking nearly a billion dollars from the disaster relief fund and spend it on Trump’s wall. Great timing, folks. Just perfect. Get your request in fast, Houston.

You know how I know Matthew Stafford shouldn’t be the highest paid player in NFL history? Because at my fantasy football draft this weekend, he’ll be at least the 10th quarterback off the board, and maybe the 100th overall player. Maybe Bob Quinn and the Fords should play.

A new study out of Canada says every previous food study was wrong and we should eat more saturated fats and fewer carbs. Yet another reason to love Canada.

In other news, another new study from the Heller Institute of Crankiness says you should always believe the opposite of every study about food. Except for this one, of course. And the Canadian one. They’re accurate. Plus we like pizza, so …

So now, according to a new study by Enbridge itself, sections Line 5 beneath the Straits of Mackinac are down to bare pipe, meaning there’s no enamel or fiberglass coating left. This is ridiculous. Why isn’t the governor ordering it shut down? Where’s the Legislature? This is the Great Lakes we’re talking about. One breach – just one – means an ecological disaster. And that’s the thing about pipes underwater – the will break. It’s just a matter of time. I can’t believe we’re gambling with our greatest natural resource so an oil company can make a few bucks.

So how alarmed is our governor. He says he’s “greatly concerned.” And what does greatly concerned mean? It means he’s ordering an “aggressive review” of Enbridge’s operations. Which will no doubt take months. Way to swing into action, Spider Man. “Great Scott, that old lady’s being attacked, I’d better call for an aggressive review.” Sigh.

The Los Angeles City Council just voted to replace Columbus Day Indigenous Peoples Day, which is great except for the fact that no one knows what indigenous means. Maybe Original Americans would have been better. Or “Those People Who Were Here Before Us.”

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma Gandhi.

I’m sure Gov. Snyder just needs to check the balance in that federal fund the state was given for the poisoned Flint water to see if there is enough to fix those pipelines. That’s after his legal fees are paid for of course.

The idiot where’s a USA hat that he sells on line for 40 bucks. It was a hat that aided his campaign when he ran for president. Classy. Then the fool says what a turnout what a crowd. Thinks he is still campaigning I guess.

Yup, and the America I know. Not the fringe collection of white supremacists , nazi wannabes, Confederate mouth breathers, spiked baseball bat wielding, masked antifa thugs throwing feces and urine , the anti first amendment alt left arsonists and rioters who haphazardly destroy public and private property and the blm racists who chant ” what do we want? Dead cops! When do we want it ? Now!” along with the ever popular ” fuck the police” who descended on poor Charlottesville.

Hey beret boy, I fixed it for you. Thank me later.

Recently you called the above lefty angels the ‘ANTI HATE ‘ protestors. andi, please acquaint some of your regular, low information lib contributors ( you know who you are) with the term ‘euphemism’.

The fact the Trumps wore white outfits into an area where people are wet and struggling shows they are elitist idiots. We know who they are so her FLOTUS hat was so inappropriate. And the word itself was quite ironic, considering everything is as “floating” away. Neither said a word about caring for the people suffering because they DONT care!! She had white designer tennis shoes on but never said a word. I find them disgusting without empathy!!

By the way, I make my donations anonymously. I don’t need fanfair or a pat on the back, like you your insecure orange buffon sorry excuse for a president does, and neither does Obama.
Your attacks on Michelle only further confirm how racist you are. People like you have nothing positive to offer society. You are just garbage, and you are obsessed.

Fake news CNN was caught having one of their staffers drive a truck, in broad daylight, into a very visible 3′ deep ditch. They then faked a rescue with their camera crew as the “heros”. The “victim” then collapsed on the ground as if he had been battling torrents of raging water for hours when in fact he just climbed out of a truck, seconds after the fake water incident.

The ones that started the fighting in Charlottesville was not the dispicable neo nazi’s or the foolish white supremists. The asked for and received the proper permits to march. It was the violence driven blm and antifa’s that started the fight. The blm and antifa’s are the fighting wing of the democratic party. They show with the clubs and other weapons to oppose those who’s views match their views. Then they either threaten those who do not believe as they do or they attack them.
In the long line waiting to volunteer there was not one member of the antifa or the blm standing in line to help the victims of hurricane Harvey.
It was the Bible believing, maybe church attending southerners who “bitterly hang on to their guns, according to the former president”. The line also included those described by hilliary as “deplorables”. One thing though Vice-President Pence did roll up his sleeves and help move some flood damaged items. He did a lot more than vice-president biden would have ever done while in office.
I will wait and see if President Trump does actually give his own money to the hurricane Harvey
relief fund. I believe that he will give more than obamma, slick willie, hilliary, biden, john kerry and other assorted rich liberal democrats will ever give. Nancy pelosi, maxine waters and other rich liberal congress critters will try to claim that they are giving by maybe passing a bill to fund, via taxpayer money, hurricane Harvey aid.
Embridge 5 needs to shut down. I do not believe for one minute that the underwater pipe is a safe as the company says it is.

About The Author

Andrew Heller has been an enduringly popular newspaper columnist in Michigan for a long, long, long time. He wrote his first column for the Escanaba Daily Press way back in 1979. It was about his … Continue Reading

Come Heller High Water II is the smash hit follow-up to Come Heller High Water I. It includes everything from Andy's takes on modern life to conversations with his back home pal Moon Dimple, and much, much more.

Saving the World One Column at a Time is a bitingly funny look at the world through the eyes of this award-winning columnist. In it he takes on corporate crooks, Little League parents, tongue piercers, ketchup sinners and much, much more. A must-have for Heller fans.