The Big Box Greeter

There are some truly lovely and helpful people who work at (insert name of national big box store). I in no way mean to suggest otherwise. In fact, we often happily shop at (insert name of national big box store).

However, I’d be interested to know how the greeter at the (insert name of national big box store) we visited recently landed her job. How’d that interview process go?

Interviewer: So, can you tell me why you want to be a greeter here at (national big box store)?

Applicant: {silent scowl}

Ok. So, we’re looking for friendly, caring faces to make our customers feel welcome, GREETING them as soon as they enter the store. Tell me why you think you are one of those friendly faces?

{silent scowl}

Mmmhmmm. Now, over the years, (national big box store) has developed somewhat of a reputation as being uncaring, unkind, and inattentive to the needs of its customers, its communities, and the universe in general. That’s a sentiment we are working very hard to reverse. Tell me why you feel you’re someone who can help us become known as a company that cares.

{silent scowl}

Interesting. Let’s do a little role-playing. Pretend I’m a customer. How would you greet me in your role as GREETER for (national big box store)?

{silent scowl}

Ok. Now let’s pretend I’m a customer who can’t find what I’m looking for. Demonstrate how you would go about helping me, the customer, find what I’m looking for.

{Rolled eyes followed by silent scowl}

Now, it says here under previous work history absolutely nothing, because it’s blank. In fact, the entire application is blank. Can you expound upon that?

{silent scowl}

Well, there’s another 20 minutes scheduled for this interview, but I think we’ve seen enough….When can you start?!

{silent scowl}

Haha. Excellent!

{silent scowl}

{eager smile}

{silent scowl}

I have a good feeling about this.

A Royalty-Free Image which I’d like to claim was chosen to represent the cold disposition of the greeter described herein, but was really just chosen because it’s Royalty-Free and has to do with shopping. So . . .