Could It Be A Yes This Time?

I’m beyond overwhelmed. I was not expecting anything anymore. I know that I didn’t do my best in the last interview. My previous answers were better than the last one but now I have a chance.

I’m grateful for I know that I don’t deserve it. I was half asleep and half awake when I had my last interview. I was actually not satisfied with my previous answers and I wished that I could edit the words, rearrange my thoughts, make better answers than those that I have said. I guess, that’s to be expected of me because I’m a writer by nature. I am a Journalism graduate after all. But with a leap of faith, the words that I can’t ever take back are the words that helped me land another interview. I guess, I’m lucky enough to be chosen in the top 3.

In fact, I was literally half asleep and half awake when I learned about the final interview with Ms. Diane tomorrow at 17:00-17:30 KR time. It was surreal. I can’t believe it. I’m unworthy and yet, I have the chance. I was able to push through.

I remembered some parts of that dreaded interview and I was blabbing. I was like half drunk, half asleep, half undecided and in doubt but miracles do happen sometimes.

I am not good at words right now because I’m very nervous. But actions speak louder than words and I hope that you’ll consider me.

I didn’t think that that was enough. It sounded as if I’m begging for the position the entire time. I sounded proud and really unworthy. I don’t know if the words really helped my case and if I was able to move them.

And now, I’m here. Supposing that they really took a chance on me, even if I’m just merely a contender. Regardless of how stupid and proud I sounded. Regardless of how reckless my answer was when they asked me about how I can become a better version of me.

I remembered that I wasn’t able to clearly give my 100% in that interview and that was the messiest, scatteredbrained version of my thoughts. It was worse than an unedited journal entry. It was like talking without thinking. I was not even confident about the end result, but I’m still here.

It still haunts me when I remember my imperfect answers. Most especially, when they asked me about my definition of service. I know that I was able to express my ideas clearly and I know that I was able to make them understand what I really mean. I was a bit confident with my answer to that question to be honest. But I didn’t think that it was enough.

I can also remember how I begged them. On how I begged them through words that I need this job more than anything else. Despite threatening them that I am going to quit the job if I don’t get this post. Telling them that I’m thinking about my career as an adult. That I want to improve as a person and to become better in my career. That I’m doing this for myself, — shedding personal problems in the process as I told them about my struggle in proving to my family that I can. That I don’t need to ask for their help, because I can take care of myself. I showed them how proud I am. How my pride has eaten me to risk everything and actually do something about it as to apply for a team leader post.

I let them see my vulnerability. I told them that I can turn a weakness into a strength. How? I’m really not sure, but sometimes my words can be so powerful that I haven’t actually thought about how to do it in real life. It was just a theory. It was upselling. It was an empty promise. Which leads to action speaks louder than words.

I realized that I sounded desperate all in all, but I guess, my voice of reason was also desperate at that time. I need it and I’m going to take my current situation in my advantage. I am after all doing this because I wanted it.

I’m doing this because I really hoped and wished for this. I’m more ready than before. I’m 100% sure that I want this job. I am decided and yeah, I really got brokenhearted when I didn’t get the post some months ago. I also said in that interview that I’m not gonna give this up easily. That I’m not gonna waste this opportunity without a fight. I will not let this go just like that.

I’m still healing from losing the previous post. It just made me realized how much I wanted this. I’m still counting on God’s will, though I haven’t been praying in a while. But I will, I will pray for this starting tonight. I will even go back to church and sing His songs if I will get this job. I will do anything for it.

As a person, I can say that I can be a traditional leader who follows orders as I am told. My virtues are still intact and still in me. I will guide the people that will believe in me if they will let me. If they will trust me that we can be a better team. If everybody will cooperate.

My ammos are:

I have been a level tester before. I just backed out because at that time, I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t expecting that I will be chosen as a level tester. That they will give me level test classes on weekdays too. At that time, I thought that the level test classes will only be on weekends. I quit because I didn’t think that I can handle regular, bonus, make up classes and substitute classes along with the level test. I was not up for it because it was a trend that my colleagues were taking advantage of before. Now, if they will let me become a team leader, I can say that I can handle the classes better and I can accept the reviews or criticisms constructively.

I guess, my sensitivity got in the way of my chance in becoming a level tester.

Now, I’m taking this in my advantage. They don’t need to train me anymore because I already know how to handle level tests.

I have been teaching in BCM U-Phone for more than 2 years and I have learned the system by heart. I still feel nervous and upset when I receive Bonus Class Surveys which are below the student’s satisfactory grade. I may not agree with having too many classes at a time but I can still see things on the brightside and I know I must, so I have to adapt that in the career that I’m going to take.

I live near the office. It takes 20 to 30 minutes from my apartment to the office on foot. I can go to work anytime. In fact, I have been taking my 2 hours over time on weekdays for almost 2 years as well. I started my weekend OT for about three months and I’m still looking forward to more weekend OTs in the future.

Obviously, I’m a workaholic and this job wouldn’t be a breeze. But I will do my best to get this post. And perhaps, if it’s really for me then it’s a YES.