Evil, rotten, mean, and nasty birds

I hate birds. The feelings of hatred began when I was routinely attacked by blue jays and red-winged blackbirds while out running, cycling, walking, or just enjoying the outdoors. I don't hate all birds, but there are definitely no birds I love.

This morning around 5:00 a.m. I was leaving to go for a run and was exiting through the garage. As I hit the button to open the door from the inside, I must have startled a robin that was on the outside of the door because it the proceeded to fly into the garage and just go crazy. He then perched on top of the garage door tracks and wouldn't move. I threw some gloves at him hoping it would scare him and make him fly out, but he just got confused and was flapping around between my Jeep and the ceiling and then would perch on the tracks again. It took about 7 minutes of me repeatedly opening and closing the garage door to get him to fly back outside. The ordeal must have literally scared the sh!t out of him because when I got outside and put the garage door back down, I noticed it was covered in very fresh bird poop. When I left to drive to work, I discovered the same thing happened to the windshield and roof of my Jeep. I guess it's a good thing I didn't take the top off of it last night like I had originally planned.

I hate birds. The feelings of hatred began when I was routinely attacked by blue jays and red-winged blackbirds while out running, cycling, walking, or just enjoying the outdoors. I don't hate all birds, but there are definitely no birds I love.

I hate Bluejays. They visit the feeder, scream, and chase off the "nice" birds like Chickadees and Cardinals, and just throw seed around onto the deck. I don't care that they're pretty, or the official bird of New York State. Bluejays suck.

What's worse, though, are Mourning Doves. I got rid of the flat feeder to drive them off; the damn doves would sit in it for a half hour or more at a time, and shit in the seed itself. Rats with wings.

Chickadees are awesome little birds.

Growth for growth's sake is the ideology of the cancer cell. -- Edward Abbey

I once heard pigeons referred to as "sewer falcons". Easy to see why. Seagulls look cool and certainly have a distinctive call, but as far as I'm concerned they are seaborne rats with wings.

oh, one other thing. I cannot use the row of parking at work located beneath the overhead wires. I never see birds perched up there, but one of these days I'm going to catch them in the act!

Moderator note:

split from RTDNTOTO

Last edited by Maister; 11 May 2012 at 12:45 PM.

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

^^^ Many years ago, in a prior incarnation, I was on Anacapa Island off the coast of California, helping with a nesting gull research project. It seems to me that one of the gulls' main defenses is to crap on you, which they did with great regularity and accuracy. I was dressed for it (lightweight parka that could be rinsed off), but it was a bit disconcerting. And since the gulls had been eating pelagic red crabs, their sh!t was pink. They may not have closers on their digestive tracts, but they sure seem to have pushers.

I just learned last year that birds don't have spinchters. When they gotta' go, they go. .

I don't think that's true. I've had two pet parrots that were somewhat potty trained. While not always successful they would definitely try to hold it until they were back in their cage. My parents have a pet cockatoo who likes my dad the least and when he has to go he always runs over to my dad, climbs up on him, poops, and then runs back to whoever he was previously hanging out with. It's pretty hilarious.

I like birds and have a few birdfeeders. I have had a few pet parrots as well. so in summary- y'all suck for hating on the winged things!

I agree. The doves go to the hanging feeders and the flat feeder and do not leave a mess. They always seem to wait until everyone else is done, and get the leftovers. The jays left the hanging feeders when I put out the flat feeder. It all works well.

As imaplanner says below, parrots can be house-trained. They are so smart. Speaking from personal experience.

Magpies are very common here. I personally like them. I think they are attractive but not showy and they serve an important function of cleaning up the road-killed squirrels and other organic matter. They appear to be pretty smart for bird-brains.

I am also amused by the hatred they have for our cat. As soon as he goes outside the magpies get really aggitated. Magpies in other yards will fly over to harass him. Magpies tend to nest pretty high in spruce trees, so I don't think he has any chance of getting in their nests. Maybe it is because he is also white and black. Or maybe they don't like cats. Maybe they just don't like him (he is a jerk as cats go).

Regardless, it is amusing to watch them diving at him and him running for cover.

When I was a kid we had a Siamese cat who was sleeping in the grass, or so it seemed he was sleeping. A blue jay was swooping down repeatedly at him. That is until he swooped a little too close and Simba leaped up and caught it. Simba was one bad-ass Siamese cat.

"I am very good at reading women, but I get into trouble for using the Braille method."

When I was a kid we had a Siamese cat who was sleeping in the grass, or so it seemed he was sleeping. A blue jay was swooping down repeatedly at him. That is until he swooped a little too close and Simba leaped up and caught it. Simba was one bad-ass Siamese cat.

We had a three legged cat that was death on mockingbirds. I miss her.

“Death comes when memories of the past exceed the vision for the future.”

Anyone here ever gotten a direct hit on their head? I've had a flying guano deposit land on my shoulder a couple of times.

I've never been the victim of a direct head shot, but did take one to the shoulder one day while sitting in my car having lunch. One of my sisters, on the other hand, received two direct hits to the head in about a 4 day span on one of our trips to Florida when we were little.

Back off, bird haters. Birds are good. Except for pigeons. Except for pigeons, all birds are good. And starlings. Except for pigeons and starlings, all birds are good. Oh, and cowbirds. Except for pigeons and starlings and cowbirds, all birds are good. Except for the flicker that's trying to drill a hole in my cedar siding. Except for pigeons, starlings, cowbirds, that fooking flicker, all birds are good.

I once saw a seagull catch and eat a starling. GOT to love seagulls for that.

Birds. They sure are good at pooping. Dontcha wish they'd do it discreetly in a bush somewhere instead of [fill in the blank]

People will miss that it once meant something to be Southern or Midwestern. It doesn't mean much now, except for the climate. The question, “Where are you from?” doesn't lead to anything odd or interesting. They live somewhere near a Gap store, and what else do you need to know? - Garrison Keillor

Having grownup in a city on the shores of Lake Huron, I have developed a white hot passionate dislike of both seagulls and Canada geese.

Gulls are just nasty aggressive garbage and Canada geese are messy nasty mean piles of feathers.

Here's a tip - If you don't want geese messing up your subdivision's water features, don't mow to the edge of the water!

Originally posted by btrage

Bounties should be placed upon Canadian Geese.

I think one of the problems in the upper Midwest, as far as geese go, is that it doesn't get nearly as cold as it used to in the winter and the geese don't fly as far south as they used to or stick around here longer than before, just making the problems that much worse.

My employer contracts with a lady who has two big dogs and drives around our campus and the locations of whoever her other clients are and stops when she sees geese congregating on the grounds and lets her dogs out to chase them away. These seems to have made a pretty good dent in the problem here over the past year or two we've been using her services.

I've heard of some parks with goose problems that have the grounds crews shake up goose eggs if they come across their nest. This will make the goose continue to sit on it thinking it will hatch and it never does. And then the next season, the goose will move on to another locale to lay its eggs because it thinks something in the environment caused its eggs not to hatch in the first location. Whereas if the parks employees just smash the eggs, the goose will just lay another one and start over again.