Golden Globe Clips And More. 01/13/14. 6:00amShow opening bits and songs included: A ''Goodfellas'' movie clip, a Jack and Rod Show clip where Sal and Richard interview a woman about her book using Richard Simmons ''Gary'' audio clips, Train performing ''Drive By'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

Howard started the show asking Robin how her voice was because she had a cold. Robin said it's better. Howard said she sounds better than yesterday.

Howard said a lot of people are hung up on gay marriage. He said he doesn't get that. He wondered why anyone cares. Howard said he got an article from the 1960s from a Dade County school. He said the guy went to the school and he told little kids about homosexuals. Howard said this is why people are brainwashed. Howard played the clip and the guy was talking about girls and boys turning homosexual. Howard said this guy has a crew cut and he's talking to little kids about homosexuality. Howard said the kids are thrilled to get out of class and they have to listen to this. He said the guy is scaring the shit out of the kids.

Howard played more of the audio and the guy was saying that they've arrested all types of homosexuals. The guy said that you'd better stop quick. He said one out of three will turn queer and they will be caught. He said it's one thing you can't get away with. Howard said that if you are gay and you're sitting there that's why people want to kill themselves or have terrible lives. Robin wondered where that guy is now. Howard said that guy is probably a queen prancing around in the Village now. Howard said he's probably a self hating homosexual.

Howard said that the movie ''Lone Survivor'' did very well over the weekend. He said he was glad to see that because it was Pete Berg and Mark Wahlberg's movie.

Howard took a call from a guy, Joe Mooski, who asked what he thought about Woody Allen getting the Lifetime Achievement Award. Howard said he didn't see it because he was in bed. He said that the whole thing is stupid when it comes to the awards show. Howard said it's weird to see actors giving each other awards. He said that Woody is a fabulous writer of comedies and more serious movies these days. Howard said the guy has a body of work that shows he's a genius but he has some weird things going on in his life. Howard said if you're going to give a guy an award then you want him to have a body of work like that. Howard said he has written some of the greatest American comedies ever. Howard said the guy is very prolific and he's a genius. Howard said he deserves an ward but it's hard to take when you see what he's up to in his private life. Howard said Diane Keaton accepted the award for him.

Joe asked if he can try to win some birthday show tickets. Howard had a clip of Diane Keaton he wanted to play first. Howard played the clip of her accepting the award for Woody. She had the 7 second delay hit on her when she said ''god damn'' and it cut out a whole chunk of her speech. Howard said they haven't perfected that whole thing yet. Joe threw in a Happy Birthday to Howard. Howard thanked him for that and talked more about the stuff they cut out of the network TV stuff. Howard said it's so absurd that they cut this stuff out. Howard said they obliterated her whole speech with that. Howard played more audio of Keaton where she sings a song. He said she sounds very damaged. Howard said she's singing a child's song about Woody Allen. He said it makes him think that we're all insane for applauding that.

Howard said Jacqueline Bisset was there and she shows up looking old. He said you have to concentrate on what she's saying and you think she's some kind of Mutant. Howard said she's seriously damaged too. Howard said she can't get out a word. Howard said she has to calm down. Howard played some audio of that appearance. Bisset was trying to say something but she wasn't able to get her words out. She said she was shaking. Howard had no idea what she was talking about. She was all over the place asking questions and blurting out words that didn't fit in.

Howard said that he can't believe that someone like that can be so disjointed. Howard said sometimes people do that at weddings. He said they drone on and on. He said he doesn't get on microphone and drone on and on. He said it's such arrogance to get on and behave like this. Howard said she's pointing at the people who saved them during World War II. Howard said she acted in a TV show. That's it. Howard said that people who get their legs blown off in war don't get this kind of time to make a speech. She named 2 agents in the speech and Howard said it's no wonder it took two to get her work. They started playing music to get her off stage but she kept going. Then you hear her say ''shit'' and they cut out some of the speech. They missed the curse word though. Howard said this network hasn't figured out that delay button yet.

Bisset kept going even though they were playing her off. Howard said they need a siren to blast her off the stage.

Howard asked what's going on today with Gary clearing his throat. He said he's doing it more than ever. Howard said he sounds like he has Tourette's today. Gary said Bisset claims she thought her award was coming up later and she had no idea why there was a guy on her with a camera. Howard said her problem is that she was probably always like that but she was so hot it was cute. Gary said he remembers the movie she was in and it must have been in 1981.

Howard had an echo problem with the phone so he put Joe on hold. He figured out the problem. Howard got back to the Golden Globe thing and talked more about the wards show. Howard said that P. Diddy was doing something there. Gary said he was talking to someone who hadn't even gotten his award yet.

A Birthday Show Ticket Game. 01/13/14. 6:25am
Howard said that Joe wants to win some tickets so he'll play a game. Howard said this birthday show is turning into a huge thing. He said that people need to be well rested for it. He said that David Letterman is stopping by on the show. Howard said that's a major thing. Howard said that he's excited about that. Howard said they have a lot of guests they're not talking about yet. Howard said they do have Steven Tyler coming by to do a little number. Howard said they have other music acts but Gary didn't know who else he was talking about. Howard said Jon Bon Jovi will be performing. He said that one of his heroes will be performing too. Howard said that John Fogerty will be performing two songs. He said he's really excited about that too. He said they have a huge amount of musicians coming by that night. Howard said some want to be announced and some don't. Howard said he'll leave it at that for now. Robin said that should get people revved up.

Gary said that it's so exciting that even the person introducing Bon Jovi is a big deal. Howard said it's going to be a great night. He said it's going to be spectacular. They are trying to keep some of it a surprise though. He said there are still ways to win too. You can win through SiriusXM.com/HowardBdayBash

Howard said they just don't have the room for everyone who wants to come. Howard said they can only hold 1500 people at the Hammerstein Ballroom. Howard said they gave away a lot of tickets through SiriusXM. He said they have a lot of famous people who will be sitting in the audience. Howard said there are a lot of people who want to come. Joe said he deserves it. Howard told him to calm down.

Howard said in the name of charity he's going to put up another set of tickets. Howard said there are so many ways to enter. He said he can't take it.

Howard said he has an announcement to make in the name of charity. He said he can't take this. He said that the phone is echoing and he has to lower that. Howard read more about that and said he has to get this thing built for North Shore. He said people have no heart. He said he has friends who are billionaires who are cheap fucks. He said he donates 10 grand to their charity and they end up sending 500 bucks. He said he's serious about that too. Gary said he knows he is.

Gary said that all roads lead to HowardStern.com for ticket giveaways. Howard said he's making a good point there. Howard asked what he's waiting on. Gary said he has the games for him to play. Howard said maybe they can play the Ronnie ''this or that'' game. Howard said everyone loves Ronnie so they'll play that. Howard said people can't believe that it's real. He said Ronnie is his greatest discovery. He said some people find oil and he found Ronnie.

Howard asked Joe if he wanted a practice question. Robin said like that's going to help. Howard said the first one was ''Ass bitten or nipples played with.'' Ronnie picked nipples. Howard said the game is to figure out what Ronnie is going to pick as his favorite. Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather have a woman with big tits or a tight vagina. Howard said this will be another practice question. Joe picked tight vagina. Howard said that this is the only game show where you can win tickets for a tight vagina. Howard said that all vaginas seem the same to him. He said he's never had anything but a tight vagina. Howard played Ronnie's answer and he said ''tight vagina'' and got into graphic detail about it grabbing his cock.

Howard said this is the real question for Joe. Howard said he's going to win two tickets if he wins. Howard said that they have so many guests coming to the show. Howard said they have John Fogerty coming as well as about 10 other acts. Gary said that all of the singers will be doing hit songs. Howard said no one is fucking around.

Howard said this is for the win. They asked Ronnie if he would rather cum in a woman's mouth or on her face. Joe said he thinks he's going to say in her mouth. Howard said he's thinking practical. Howard said it's either going to go down in his car or in his house. Howard had Fred lock him in on that one. Howard said that they're looking for ''Cum in her mouth.'' That's what Ronnie's answer was. He said he likes to do it there because he knows she hates it. He said he holds his cock there so she has to swallow it. Howard laughed.

Howard said Joe won and they'll see him there at the show. Joe thanked him a few times. Howard put him on hold and said he has a few more Ronnie things. They asked him if he would rather eat pussy or ass. Robin said pussy. That's what Ronnie's answer was. He got very graphic with that answer too.

Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather have a vibrator on his asshole or a woman's tongue. Robin said she thinks that it's a woman's tongue. Howard said he was going to say vibrator. Howard said Robin is on a roll though. He said he'll have to go with Robin. Howard asked if she can imagine having her tongue up Ronnie's ass. Robin said no. Ronnie's answer was the woman's tongue.

Howard said he's not even sure if Robin would want to stick her tongue up Brad Pitt's ass. Robin said maybe to that.

Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather do it doggy or missionary style. Robin said it has to be doggy. She was right. Ronnie got very graphic talking about what he likes to see back there. Ronnie was talking about how he likes to see the asshole and maybe stick his dick in there without her knowing the difference. Howard said she'll know.

Howard said he has to get off of this subject. He said they have Queen Latifah coming in today. He said that she's his mom's favorite. Howard said he's excited to talk to her. Howard said he has to tell her about his mom suggesting her as a judge on America's Got Talent. Howard said his mom threw that out there when Sharon Osbourne left AGT. Howard said he didn't think she was even on his mother's radar. Howard said he thinks his mom is right. He said he called and told NBC to get her and it turns out they couldn't get her. Howard said she's too big and she has too much going on. Howard said she was lining up her TV show apparently. Howard said he had to take a break after that.

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More Golden Globe Audio Clips. 01/13/14. 6:50am
After the break Howard came right back and said he wants to thank Audible.com for being a sponsor of the birthday bash. He said he's not sure what that means but he likes that they're there. Howard said they were talking about the Golden Globes and he has a tweet that Ronan Farrow posted about Woody. Howard said he really has it in for dear old dad. Howard said that's something else. Howard said that Woody is a genius though.

Howard said that speech Jacqueline Bisset gave. Howard said she was just as disjointed back stage. Howard played some audio of her talking to the press back stage. She was asking someone to wipe her glasses for her because she wasn't able to see anything. Howard said that she looked out to the crowd and asked Nicky to clean them for her. Howard said she's completely oblivious to the fact that 99 percent of the people in the country don't have someone to clean their glasses for them. Howard said he'd have enough brains not to ask for something like that in front of the press. Howard said you'd think she was in the Iraq war and lost her hands. Robin said that they really are oblivious. Robin said Elizabeth Taylor didn't know how to pretend to make breakfast in a scene in a movie. She had no idea what to do with an egg.

Howard said this was probably acceptable behavior when she was good looking. Howard played more audio of Bisset answering questions back stage. She was talking about why she was out of it when she got on stage. Howard said if that craziness was planned then she might be a genius.

Howard's Birthday Dinner And Gifts. 01/13/14. 6:55am
Howard said she spent the day with his daughters yesterday. He said he got his whole family together. He said Debra was coming in and she had to cancel. Then his other daughter canceled. He said Ashley surprised him by showing up. He said they had a nice time hanging out. He said they had some vegan food for lunch. Howard said his daughter picked the place out. Howard said he showed them a tape he made of his parents and they loved it. He said they watched it 5 times. Howard said he has to show it to the rest of the family. He said he has to get everyone together for that.

Howard said he went out to dinner with his wife and she was going to pay the bill but the waiter said it was all taken care of. He said that he got a note saying ''I love you, I love you, I love you...'' and it was from Robin Quivers. Howard said that he didn't tell anyone that he was going out to dinner and she figured out how to pay for it. Howard said it worked out great. He thanked her for that.

Howard said that he was being showered with gifts yesterday by fatso over there, Benjy. Howard said he didn't know Benjy had such a feeling for him. Howard said he got a basket of goodies from him. He said he got that from Benjy and Elisa. Then in the evening he had another bunch of gifts from Benjy. It was a mug that looked like a camera lens. Howard said he's been dreaming of owning that. Howard said it's made of pure plastic. Howard said he also got a book about the works of Tennessee Williams. Howard said that he will never read that but they left the slip in the book so he can return it and get something else. Howard said Benjy obviously has no idea what he likes but he thanked him for the thought.

Howard said Fred sent him his horoscope. Howard said it said he has a year of good ideas in his head. Howard said that Fred will be doing a lot of work with those ideas. Howard said he has to thank everyone who sent him something. He said they have the big birthday bash coming up on January 31st.

Howard Takes Some Calls. 01/13/14. 7:00am
Howard said Gary went out to CES this year and said they really didn't have anything that great out there. He said the big thing was a TV that was bent. Howard said they had a $600,000 speaker there. Howard said they have that to get people in there and then push their other products.

Howard took a call from King of All Blacks who said he's about to retire. He's only 49 years old. Howard sad that's the great thing about that job he has. King said he's being forced to retire because his sister passed. He said that her breast cancer came back and she was taking care of their father. Howard said that's a kick in the ass. Howard said he Googled a question yesterday asking why, if there's a god, would he take away young people who have done nothing wrong. Howard said he got the search results and the answer he got was nothing. He said it was a bunch of nonsense. Howard said he thought that they'd have some biblical answer. He said he's not sure why God would go through making a kitten and have it die 4 weeks later. Howard said there are no answers for those kind of questions.

Howard said if there is a god he believes there is a free will. Howard said that he may do this as a test to see how we respond as a people. Howard said he doesn't really know. He said there was no answer from Google. Howard said his thoughts are better than what Google had.

King started to tell Howard about what he had to do as far as moving in with his dad. Howard said he doesn't want to hear it. King said he has a heart of stone.

King went on to say that the director of 12 Days a Slave is married to a white woman. He found that very amusing. Howard said there is nothing to be learned there on the Golden Globes other than that kind of thing. Howard said every woman was wearing a shitty gown on the show too. He said they have stylists and he's not sure if they look in the mirror. Howard said they were hideous gowns. He said he's not sure why they want to look like that on an awards show.

Howard said he really has to go. King asked him to ask Queen Latifah one question for him. He said that she's very beautiful but he wants to know if she's gay. Howard said she doesn't want to talk about her situation. Howard said that's irrelevant to him but he will ask for King. King said they all care. Howard said that is one fucked up dude there.

Howard said King must have had a childhood where his parents let him have his way all the time. Howard said that's what he gets from his constantly asking questions when he says goodbye to him.

Howard said he read that Tupac could have had a role in Star Wars. Howard said he was reading this article about how he was being considered for a role in the reboot of Star Wars in 1999. Samuel L. Jackson ended up getting the part. Robin said she's not sure how Tupac would have worked in that role. Howard said Beetlejuice was up for a role in Star Wars too. He has an audition tape. Howard played the bit they put together with Beet and some Darth Vader audio clips.

Howard said he was listening to Robin speaking Klingon again over the weekend. Howard said that she's actually good at it. Howard said that she says ''cock'' a lot in the lines she says. Howard said it's very interesting to hear her saying that. Howard played a prank call the guys made using clips of Robin speaking Klingon. They called a Chinese food restaurant and had Robin saying the same line over and over again. The woman had no idea what she was saying but she guessed at it.

Howard said that woman somehow communicated with Robin. Howard said the call was baffling. He said that Robin can call Chinese restaurants and she even sings Klingon. Howard played a clip of a bunch of songs they put her in singing in Klingon.

Howard took a call from a guy who asked if he would let Beth do Ayahuasca. Howard said Beth is his wife and he doesn't have any power over that. Howard said that she can do what she wants to do. Howard said that he's not going to stop her. He said he'd tell her that he loves her and he doesn't think it's a good idea. He said he'd tell her it's a mistake. He said that Robin did it and he thinks it did her great harm. Robin laughed. Howard said he thinks it did her harm medically. Howard said Zachary Quinto did it too but he thinks that these Shamen guys are crackpots. Howard said that's a fancy word for crackpot. Howard said they don't have an education. Robin said they are native people. Howard said he'll take his chances on a Harvard graduate. Howard said he doesn't trust learning anything when he's high. Howard said Robin got high and that's what she was looking to do. Howard said that she claimed to have a revelation and she still doesn't know what it is. Robin said she figured out that your life belongs to you.

Howard said it's not good to be shitting and vomiting at the same time. Robin said people have that from alcohol. Howard said it's just not right. Howard said he's not going to go to some native's hut to get high. He said this guy was yelling at Robin while she was seeing colors.

The caller asked if Howard would ever go to Peru. Howard said never. He said he loves America. He said he did go to Mexico but he did that under protest. Howard said he isn't going to Peru. Howard said when America buys Peru then he'll go there. Howard said he feels safe there in America. Howard said he appreciates America too much to go to Peru. Howard asked what he'd see down there. He asked if the guy would show him some Inca shit. The guy said he would. Howard said that they eat Guinea Pigs down there. The caller said that's one of the most delicious meats. He said it's very tasty.

Howard said he would just want to get back to America if he was in Peru. Howard said he'd just miss his country more. Howard said there is a lot wrong with this country but he'd miss it just the same. Howard said they have too many people there and he wishes they would clear out a few. Howard said he has problems with the people who are already here.

Howard asked the caller what happens when he sees these other places. The caller said you read about other cultures and see what they do. Howard said he never reads about other cultures. Howard said his sister is going to Scotland. He said he asked her why she would do that. Howard said most people have never even seen this country. Robin said she's probably seen more of it than Howard has. Howard said he's gone across country two times and he has seen it more than Robin. Robin said she has gone cross country once. Howard said he beat her then.

The caller said that he wanted to win some tickets but Howard said he already gave away a set. They're only doing one a day. Howard said he can call back tomorrow.

Howard took a call from Hanzi who wished him a Happy Birthday. He said he heard that the Ayahuasca thing is something you have to kick when you get into the Illuminati. Howard said this stuff is getting old. He said he thinks that Hanzi is speaking Klingon.

Hanzi said that everyone is harassing his mom on Twitter and it's not even fucking funny. He said he doesn't want to bring her to the birthday show. Howard said he has to get a signed affidavit from his mom saying he can come to the party. Hanzi coughed so Howard told him he has to get rid of that cough first. Hanzi was laughing and coughing. Howard asked what the hell is going on there. Hanzi was cracking up. Howard said he's off his rocker. He said he's sitting there making noises in his parent's basement. Howard said he likes Hanzi and he would like to have him at the party. He said he has to get he signed note or bring his mom or dad to the party to chaperone. Hanzi said that he can't enjoy himself if his mom or dad are there. Howard said he has to learn to enjoy his life with them. He said if he can't enjoy it then why does he live with them. Hanzi said he knows why. Howard said he can't let him come if he doesn't do this. Howard said he needs supervision. He said he has already told him the rules. He hung up on Hanzi after that.

Howard said they went out on the street and told people that Dennis Rodman has been named the Vice President of North Korea. Howard said not one of them found it to be crazy. Howard played the clip of Sal and Richard telling people this news. The people were saying it was a good idea. There were a couple of people who thought it was a bad idea but a bunch thought it was a good idea. Howard said most of the people thought that Dennis would make a great VP of North Korea. Howard went to break after that.

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Howard Tries Out The TC Harmony Singer. 01/13/14. 7:30am
After the break Howard came right back and said he was out in the hall and he thinks JD wished him a Happy Birthday but he's not sure there's a way to tell for sure.

Howard said when Hugh Hefner was 60 years old his current wife was being born. Howard said he has abs for the first time at 60. He said that he might be a really late bloomer. He asked Fred when his baby dick fell off and he got his real dick. Fred said he thinks he was 10. Howard said he's still jerking off at his age of 60. He said he's still looking at online porn too. Howard said he's evolving and devolving at the same time.

Howard said he had a cupcake with a birthday candle on it. Howard said he made a wish but Benjy is still there so you can figure it out.

Howard said he learned one thing on his birthday. He said he will never fire Ronnie. He said that he looks like he's 22 next to Ronnie.

Howard said Queen Latifah is coming in today. He said she can meet King LaTeethah later. He said that's Gary.

Howard said there is a web site called Bachelor Uncut and they say that he's the most fuckable man in America (My Hero: The Most F*ckable Man in America!. Howard said that's what he put under his name in his email. He said he wishes he had the article there but he didn't print it out. Howard said they had 5 reasons why he's the most fuckable man. Howard said Robin must be very strong to resist him.

Howard said that they have this tiny box out and when you sing it creates harmonies around your voice. He said that he has to try it out. Howard said Fred was trying it out and it was working. He said it was pretty impressive. Howard said he's going to sing The Eagles ''Take it Easy'' and Fred is going to play guitar. Howard said he ash to walk over to the box to do this. Howard was about to do that but Fred said they're missing some cables. Scott didn't have it set up the way they wanted it. Howard said Scott has been setting it up since Thursday. Howard said the second they walk over to it the thing isn't set up. Howard said he keeps Scott around because he's an old timer.

Howard said Scott just walked out. He didn't get it right. Howard read the ''Most fuckable'' article instead. He read through the 5 things they had listed as why he's the most fuckable.

Howard thanked the web site for saying that. He said that he thinks they're legitimate even if other people don't. Robin wasn't sure they were.

Howard said Lindsay Lohan went to China and lost her computer. Howard said people imagine she has naked pictures on it. Howard said there are probably clowns and zoo animals on there.

Howard said the hottest picture he saw was of Michelle Rodriguez making out with her girlfriend at a basketball game. Robin said that it wasn't clear if they were girlfriends or not. Howard said he'd go to every Knicks game if he knew they'd be there. Howard said he just gets the stink eye from Spike Lee when he goes.

Howard asked Scott if he had the harmonies box thing worked out yet. He did so Howard went over to try it out. Howard asked what it's called. Fred said it's called the TC Harmony Singer. Howard told Fred when to hit the box so it works. Howard was singing and Fred was testing it out to see if it was working. Scott didn't have the board turned on yet. Howard and Fred started to perform the Eagles song and it didn't work. Fred tried it but it didn't come in when Howard told him to do it. Howard said Scott was supposed to have this set up a week ago.

Howard tried the song again after they heard the Harmony thing working. Howard started the song over and it was kind of working this time. It sounded like there was a harmony thing going on. Fred said the thing does work but he's not sure why it's not working today. He said it didn't sound right today. Howard said nothing they do ever works.

Howard tried another song but Fred said it wasn't working right. He said this isn't what it usually sounds like. Howard said he's going to blame Fred this time. He said he won't blame Scott. Howard said that sucked. He said it was awful. Howard said he heard Fred do it the other day and it sounded good. Scott said Fred was fucking with the knobs until he got it right the other day. Fred said it's just not working.

Gary said that there's a consensus in there that says Fred should try it. Howard said no one cares. Scott said Gary just told Howard that he can't sing. Scott said that technically the thing was connected correctly. Howard said it's just another day at the Howard Stern Show. Howard said maybe they'll try it again in the year 2025. He said he had to take another break after that.

Queen Latifah Visits. 01/13/14. 7:55am
After the break we heard a some prank calls Sal and Richard made to a Swap Shop radio show. Fred also played Soundgarden's ''Spoonman'' as they were coming back.

Howard came back and asked what Fred was playing. Fred told him it was a SiriusXM exclusive version of Spoonman. Howard said that they must have performed it there. Howard let the song play through until the end.

Howard said he loves music. He said he was listening to the Neil Young CD Gary got him. He said that's some CD. He said it's terrific. Howard said he was listening to Jimi Hendrix too.

Howard said Queen Latifah is there too. Howard sang to her as she was coming in. He said he thought that's what her real name was. Latifah said that would be a cool name to have. Howard said that if it was her real name then it would have been something else for her parents to come up with. Howard said that's her rap name though. He said that Latifah is an Arabic name. Latifah said that she has a cousin named Latifah. She said she named herself that when she was around 17 and she was rapping. She said she wanted to be unique and give herself a name that wasn't MC Latifah or something like that. Howard asked if people bought into that and started calling her queen. She said they did. She said they started calling her by the full name. She said it was interesting.

Howard asked what her friends call her. She said it's either Dana or La. She said that it's okay to call her Queen too. Howard said he thought she would goof on him if he called her Queen. She said that some call her Queenie. She said Howard can call her La.

Howard said that a lot of people want to rap and they can't do it. Latifah said that she has to soak this in for a while. She was enjoying the studio. She said the refrigerator in the green room looks like a Marshall amp.

Howard asked if she heard what his mother said about her. Latifah said she did. Howard said his mother told him that she was going to give him a name. She told him it was for a judge on America's Got Talent to replace Sharon. Howard said she threw out Queen Latifah. Howard did an impression of her telling him this. Howard said that's just the way she did it too. Howard said his mom said she has such a good personality and she does it all too. Howard said he called NBC and told them. He asked Latifah if she got any calls from them. Latifah said she got a lot of calls about what he said his mom said. She said that she was surprised and thought it was cool that his mom thought that.

Latifah asked if that job is hard. Howard said it can be. He said you have to be honest and tell kids they're not that good. He said he's made kids cry.

Howard asked about why she backed out of a show she was doing years ago. Latifah said she had a clause in her contract that said she could back out if she felt she wanted to. Latifah said she wanted to do other things and she jumped into this talk show thing too fast. She said that she didn't think she had fulfilled that burning desire in herself to do the acting thing. Latifah said that she had an offer to do a TV show at the time but she wanted to make a film career. Howard asked if management told her she was insane. She had a show that was working. Latifah said that she enjoyed the talk show but not as much as that nagging feeling to do something that she was passionate about. She said she had no job after walking away from that. She said she owns the company so she didn't have any manager telling her she was a fucking idiot. She said she has a partner that she works with and he can bounce ideas off of her. Latifah said that she has known him since high school and they bounce things off each other. She said that they know when one is serious about something or not.

Howard asked if she had to audition to get the role in Chicago. Latifah said she did. She said that there were a lot of people who wanted that role. Latifah said that it was a coveted role. Latifah said they were making a comeback with musicals at the time. She said this was in 2010/11. Howard asked if she was nervous when she went into the audition. She said she was. She said she just went in and did it. She said that she did a few different auditions and she had to sing in one and read in another. Then she had to go to Canada and she figured that was the last one she was going to go on. She said she told her agent that they had to make their decision after that. She said she got the role after that. Latifah said she didn't want to leave that door open anymore. She said that she had to worry about her own sanity and had to bring an end to the auditions.

Howard asked if Latifah took any acting classes. She said she didn't really. She said she went from rapping to being on set. Howard asked if it was Will Smith who figured that out. Latifah said he was the first one to put her on TV. She said they all kind of grew up on the road together touring. She said she knew him long before he did his show. Latifah said that they figured it Will could do it then they could do it. She said he's one of the most rock solid human beings she knows. Howard said there are so many people who can be selfish and Will actually stuck with her. Howard said that he could have just turned her down. Howard said he was generous enough to have her join his show. Latifah said he's always been like that too. Howard asked if she wondered why he did that. Howard said they weren't having a sexual affair. Latifah asked how he knows that. Howard said he's just assuming. Howard asked if she did him. She said she was just joking and she didn't.

Howard said he was reading about how her childhood was. Howard said she had some pain in her life. Latifah said that she didn't have a bad childhood. Howard said he thinks she had some pain. Howard said her father ran off. Howard said he was a black panther. Latifah said he was at one point. She said that he didn't try to turn her. She said he just wanted them to be proud of who they were. She said that he wanted them to know they were capable of anything. Howard said that most white people don't understand that the Black Panthers weren't a threat. Howard said the 5 percenters were more of a threat. Howard said he was happy to be around the Black Panthers. He said they were more about peace and love. Howard said he was happy to have them around him.

Latifah told Howard that they had parties at the house and they'd have people playing all kinds of instruments. Howard asked if she started rapping during that time. She said she was only like 3 at the time.

Howard asked when she started recording. Latifah said she was 16 and she got a recording contract at 17. She said that one of her boys helped her out getting them into a recording studio. She was throwing out names and none of them were their given names. Howard asked if her parents were resentful of her using that name. Latifah said that her mother is a hip hop head and she got it. She said that she's still around and living out in L.A. now. Howard said her dad is still working for her too. Latifah said he only works for her when she's doing movies. She said that he's security.

Howard asked about what happened when her father left. She said he was in and out of her life for her teenage years. She said he was never far though. She said he was only a few miles away. Howard asked if she confronted him when she got older. She said it was interesting because she thinks her cousins were going through something similar. She said that they all talked about it and worked it out amongst themselves. Latifah said her father came out of the Viet Nam war and went to work as a cop in Newark, New Jersey. She said that it caught up to him eventually. She said that they had a lot of shootings there in Newark and they wouldn't even take them off duty after a shooting. She said that they did things in the 70s that would get you fired from a job today.

Howard asked if she heard stories from Viet Nam from her dad. She said that she did eventually. She said that he needed her to understand what he was seeing every day. She said that he would see Viet Kong in the tree lines in Central Park. She said he'd have nightmares from the war and it was tough for him. She said that anyone who has been to war can understand. Latifah said she had to make due and deal with that. Latifah said he's back and pops is cool with her now.

Howard said it sounds like her dad saw action and he must have come home and wondered why he had to kill those guys over there. Latifah said that he was probably thinking that while he was there. She said that she wants to take him back there and find her big brothers and sisters. She said she may have some siblings she needs to meet over there. Howard asked how old he is. She said he's 65 now. Latifah said that he's the coolest guy she knows. She said he's so smart and genuine. She said he's just different. Latifah said that he filled her up with so much. She said when he's not there it's a big deficit. Howard said he must be screwed up from the war and from the shootings as a cop.

Howard said the two sad things in her life are that she was molested by a male babysitter when she was a child. She said that he wasn't even a babysitter. She said he was just watching the kids for a few days. Howard said she must have a lot of fears from that. Latifah said that you learn to live with that. She said she's not even sure if he's still around. Howard asked if it would help to confront someone like that. Howard said Tom Arnold told him about telling off a guy who molested him. Latifah said that would help her if she could do that. Howard asked if her dad would have done something to him. Latifah said she never asked. She said she thinks that he's done enough and he doesn't need that kind of trouble. Latifah said she never went to get her father to take care of something like that. She said that she'd rather have the fight then tell her father because he's going to take care of that problem. She said she had a brother and a list of cousins that she could call.

Howard said the other tragedy is that her brother died. Latifah asked what this interview is about. Howard said it's about her TV show. Howard said that she bought her brother a motorcycle and he died on it. Latifah said that he had other motorcycles before that one. She said she rides herself and she got herself a new one and had to get him one. She said that she still rides even after that. Howard said riding a motorcycle is insanity. Latifah agreed. Howard asked if he was doing something crazy when he died. She said it was just an unfortunate accident. Latifah said he was cut off and ended up under the car that cut him off.

Howard asked Latifah about how she made it in show business and ended up buying her family things. Latifah said she bought her mother her first house. She said she was able to do that at 21.

Howard said Latifah went bankrupt at one point. She said she wasn't that bad off but she was broke. She said she didn't learn to handle money. She said she was making money at 17 and her mom told her to set it aside. She said that she'd give 1/3 to her mother and save another 1/3. She said she'd blow the other third. She said she was like 18-19 years old. She said she bought a Jeep Wrangler and a gold tooth. Howard said you'd think she'd want to save money because she was poor. Latifah said she wasn't poor. She said she was lower middle class. She said that she wasn't that materialistic though. She said they would drive up to Livingston and Short Hills New Jersey to look at the houses. She said she wanted a dope ass house before a car. She said that was the way they lived back then. She said her mom was an art teacher and her dad was a cop. She said she had culture. She said she was at home drawing and painting and listening to music. She said they figured out ways to make life interesting and fill it up. She said they would watch TV and fill up the gaps instead of going out on the streets.

Howard said he read that she tried to be a drug dealer. She said she did try but that wasn't for her. Howard said he read she tried being a hooker too. She said she didn't really do that. She said that she didn't want to be a ho when she grew up. She said she was going to take $50 from a guy for sex. She said she came very close to it but she thought about how gross it was and backed out. She said the guy was older and she was only 16. She said she thought she knew everything back then but she knew better than to do that. She said she knew she'd feel like a piece of shit. She said she felt lower than low. She said that feeling wasn't worth any amount of money. Howard asked if a friend talked her into it. She said that she was influenced by things around her. She said walking around with that kind of money in her pocket would have been nice. Latifah said that was a great idea to her at the time. She said that the consequences wouldn't have worked for her.

Howard asked if she went to college. She said she went to a community college. She said she actually skipped a grade in school so she had time to think about all of that. She said she skipped 1st grade. She said they wanted to skip her 2 grades but she thought that would have been too much. Howard said she must have some high IQ. She said she might but she's never been tested. Howard said skipping 2 grades is big. Latifah said it is and she knew she had more on the ball than some of her compadres.

Howard asked if she would get angry with other rappers when they were blowing the money they were making. Latifah said that she didn't really. She said that it's not something you did. She never lectured anyone. Latifah said that the money they blew was on investing. She said that they had a management company that they started and they were making sure people had paychecks every week. She said they bit off more than they could chew. She said that they were trying to build a future and over extended themselves. She said they had to pull back and evaluate what they were doing. She said once she got through that she looked at money differently. She said way more money started coming in after that.

Howard asked about Will and Jada Smith being producers of her new TV show. Howard asked why she'd cut them in on it. Latifah said when Oprah left she left a big vacuum. She said that everyone is trying to get in on that. Howard said it's retirement bucks. Latifah said a lot of people were offering her deals and money and it wasn't something she wanted to do. Robin asked if she was thinking about doing that after getting the acting out of her system. Latifah said she wanted to know that she could be successful. She said she wanted to be an A-list actor and that's what she tried to do. She said she got that in the books and now she's back to doing the talk show. Howard said the truth is that to sustain a movie career is very tough. Latifah said that she also became a producer.

Howard said the Steve Martin movie she was in was huge. Latifah said that she was a producer on that film and it wasn't as lucrative as it could have been. She said it was a nice check to see though. She said it would make your eyes bounce out of your head. She said they were able to make some interesting stuff happen. Howard asked if she was intimidated to work with Steve Martin. She said she was. She said Steve is very good at coming up with stuff on the fly too.

Howard asked if she still hangs out with Steve. She said they stay in touch but they don't really hang out. Howard asked if she hangs out with Will and Jada Smith. She said she does hang out with them. Howard asked if she's upset that they haven't done her talk show. She said she's really not. She said that she understands when someone has a life and they can't get around to it.

Howard asked if she checks her ratings every day. She said she doesn't but there are people who do that and worry about it. She said she has to do her show and not worry about that kind of thing. Howard said she did get renewed for a second season. She said a lot of people have gone away and dropped out. Howard said she has had some life. Howard said she has had a great career so far. Howard asked if people have told her to lose weight. Latifah said she was already on TV when she was told that. She said she wanted them to say it to her face but it was all behind her back. Howard said he thinks she's gorgeous the way she is.

Howard asked Latifah about the strategy of not talking about her personal life. She said that it's just easier. She said it's easier not to discuss it. Robin asked if she ever brings a date to an award show. She said she doesn't share that side of her life with the public. She said she gives so much with her talent and identity. She said she shares all of that publicly but not what she does in her bedroom. She said that's not anyone's business but her's. She said it's not like she's a hermit. She said she's living her life and she knows who she is or isn't. She said she doesn't need to explain it to anyone. Howard said he needs to know. Latifah told her that he needs to know. She told him he doesn't need to know shit.

Howard said it's sad that people can't just live the life they want to. Latifah said even if she was married she wouldn't necessarily share it. Howard said if she does get married he will find out. Latifah said she likes to be able to keep some things private.

Latifah said that if you're a guy in love with another guy then that's fine. She said if you can find true love then that's a great thing. She said she supports anyone who can find that. Howard said he imagines that if she was with a chick that she'd be super fine. Latifah said that would be the case if she was. Howard said he's coming to her house. He said he has to find out where she lives and see what she's up to. Howard said she is delightful. He said she's something else. He said his mother was right about her. Latifah said that he has to thank her for that.

Howard asked if she's friends with Spike Lee. She said she is. She was in Jungle Fever. Howard asked if that was fun. She said it was nerve wracking. She said that she didn't know what the hell she was doing at the time. She said she was just going by instinct at the time.

Howard asked who some of her great guests have been on her talk show. She said Carol Burnett was great and Betty White was too. She said Tim Conway was great on the show too. She said that she has fun when she goes on people's shows. She said you have to have a great time when you're on one.

Howard asked if she's had to fire anyone yet. She said they have a couple of times and she really liked some of these people. She said she would fire someone if she saw someone doing something wrong but when you're talking about a talk show you're talking about a couple hundred people. She said that they are working in teams and they have to let people go if they're not doing their job. She said it's not her doing the firing though. She said that she has to be respectful to the staff that works for her and they have to work with people who respect what they do and are doing their jobs.

Howard asked what time she gets up to do her show. She said they do shows 4 days a week with 2 on Thursday. She said she's there from 9 in the morning until 8 or 9 at night. She said that they have to do some rehearsals for things like games they play and things like that. She said she's looking forward to doing the show and injecting more of herself into it. She said she wants to do more rap and more singing and drama and comedy. She said one of her best guests was Snoop Dogg. Howard said he is one of the best guests he's had on his show. Latifah said that it's great to see him on this show and on her show 10 years ago.

Latifah told Howard about how she gets to bring people like Snoop to the people who are watching. She said she can show a different side of a person like that. Howard said she's so right. Howard said that people hear guests on his show and respond back on Twitter saying they didn't like someone before he interviewed them and then they like them after the interview.

Howard asked what Latifah said at Michael Jackson's funeral. She said she read a Maya Angelou poem. Howard said he went to Ed Bradley's funeral and he wasn't able to speak there. Howard said he didn't even have a good seat up front.

Howard found out that Latifah had managed the band Outkast. Howard asked what happened to them. She said they're working on a movie. Howard asked if she smoked weed with Snoop. She said the 80s are over and she doesn't do that stuff. Howard asked if she's ever tried heroin. She said she never did. Howard said he can imagine her smoking weed with Snoop. Latifah said she may have smoked with someone who looks like Snoop way back in the day. She said she's not saying it was him or not.

Latifah said that she's trying to sell her house in New Jersey. Howard asked what she wants for it. She said 2 and a half million. Howard said that's it. He seemed to think that was reasonable for her house.

Howard asked Latifah why she had breast reduction. She said that's none of his damn business. Howard said that Robin did it too. He said it was against his wishes. Latifah said she's no less than a DD now. Howard said when they're too big then it's hard to exercise. Latifah said she lost 25 pounds and they didn't go anywhere. She said it wasn't something she thought about lightly. She said she wishes she hadn't done it but she doesn't miss the back pain or the marks in her shoulders from the bra. Latifah said they all have big breasts in her family. She said she doesn't recommend surgery to anyone. She said that was the part of the whole thing she wasn't prepared for. She said they did an okay job on that but she's not the kind of person that worries about that. She said she has a lot of scars from living her life and she doesn't worry about that stuff.

Howard asked if she owns any guns. Latifah asked why he's trying to get people to admit to illegal stuff. Howard said it's legal to have a gun in his country. She said she enjoys what she has.

Howard asked Latifah to give Will and Jada his love. She told him she would. Howard wrapped up with her a short time later. She asked him not to ask her about her childhood next time she's on. Howard said that was a good interview. Howard asked why she never joined a gang when she was a kid. Latifah asked how he knows she didn't. Howard let Latifah go a short time later and went to break.

Music And Magic Discussions. 01/13/14. 9:20am
After the break Howard came right back and said that interview was fun with Queen Latifah. Howard said his mom would have loved it. Howard said Latifah was telling him a lot of 80 year old women love her.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that he's done 2 interviews with people he hated that he likes now. He said Rosie O'Donnell and Queen Latifah are those two. Howard said that everyone has a story. He said he put together a tape about his parents and it shows how interesting their lives were. Howard said that everyone has an interesting life other than Benjy.

The caller said he never liked her before and never liked her movies. The caller said he has a lot of respect for her now. Howard thanked him for the call.

Howard said Hanzi has an interesting life. He said a lot of people wrote him emails about how he cracks them up. Howard read some of those emails and people were saying that he's been very enjoyable on the show lately.

Howard said there's a tape of Robert Downey Jr. singing with Sting and that guy can do everything. Howard said there isn't a thing that this guy can't do. He said he was blown out. He said the dude can really sing. Howard said he loves that iTunes. He said he listened to so much music this weekend. He said Gary gave him some stuff to download but some of it was faulty. He said he was listening to some Pink Floyd ''Wish You Were Here'' and it's amazing. Howard said that's what people would do today. He said you listen to parts 1-5. Howard said not the 6-9. Howard said that they're good but 1-5 are exceptional.

Howard said that they were wondering what people should wear to the birthday show. Howard said he thought about it and the dress code is going to be... wear your absolute best. Howard said that he thinks everyone should get decked out. He said that he loves freedom so he's not going to tell people wheat to wear. He said he's not even sure what he'll be wearing.

Howard said he finally got around to watching the David Blaine magic special. Howard said he had it on DVR for the longest time. He said he thinks this guy is some sort of Shamen. Howard said he is the greatest magician ever. Robin said she heard that Harrison Ford kicked him out of his house because he was scared by his trick. Howard said he is the greatest magician that ever lived. Howard said Penn and Teller are good but this guy David Blaine is amazing. Howard said you should watch the special. He said Robin should watch it. Robin said she will but she doesn't think that he's as good as Houdini. Howard said he thinks he is.

Howard said that this woman Janice Min is very good at her job. He said she took over a magazine and changed it to something readable. Howard said that she's taking over Billboard now and she's going to do a great job there too.

Howard said hello to a married couple, Sean and Allie, who won the chance to sit in on the show after donating to a charity. Howard talked to the two of them for a short time. He found out they're both attorneys and Sean went to Harvard. Sean said that he didn't have the typical road there. He said he grew up like Richard Christy. He said he lived alone from the age of 15. He said his parents moved and he wanted to stay in his town. He said that he stayed there and made it work for a while. Howard asked if he can drink beer through his rectum. Sean said he probably could. He said he went to college for a year and joined a metal band for a short time. He said he lived in a band house that wasn't so great. Howard asked where Allie went to school. She said she went to UCLA as an under grad. Howard spent a little more time talking to them and then moved on to Robin's news.

Robin's News. 01/13/14. 9:35am
Howard had Robin start her news after Fred played her in with a Little Mikey song parody. Robin started off with a story about someone who is suing Nike for not putting a warning label on their sneakers saying they could be used as a lethal weapon. Robin said this guy is 26 and he killed a man with his sneakers and now he's suing saying they should have a warning label on them saying that they could kill a man. He's seeking $100 million. Howard said he's tired of these kind of lawsuits. Howard said they need Tort reform. Sean said that he makes a living off of those Torts.

Howard had the audio of Robert Downey Jr. singing. He played the clip for Robin. Robin sounded shocked that it was him singing.

Robin read a story about a fire fighter who said the TV show Breaking Bad got him into making meth. Howard said the judges don't fall for that defense. Robin said lawyers will try anything. Howard said you have to throw everything in there. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

Robin read a story about the flu and how bad it is right now. Robin said she thinks she has the flu and she got a flu shot. Howard asked if she had loose stool. Robin said she didn't. Howard said he just wanted to know what her stool was like. Robin said they say that it's not too late to get a flu shot. Howard asked Allie how her stool is. She said it's just fine. Sean said that she prides herself on that. Howard asked if he's ever smelled her after she goes to the bathroom. Sean said he's never smelled a thing.

Robin said that a Southwest airline landed at the wrong airport. Robin said they landed at an airport about 7 miles from where it was supposed to land. Robin said they transported the passengers to the correct airport on a bus.

Robin read about how America's Got Talent is going to be going to four more cities than they have in the past. Howard said the info is on AGTAuditions.com. Howard said he thought that he was going to see last year's winner all over the place but he hasn't seen him at all. He said he knows these guys make a lot of money after doing the AGT thing.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that the Queen Latifah interview was great. He said he needs his birthday bash. Howard said they already gave away the tickets today. Howard said they do have a couple of ways to win tickets. He said you can find out more at HowardStern.com. Howard mentioned the guests he was talking about earlier this morning like Steven Tyler, John Fogerty and Jon Bon Jovi. The caller said that he'll let them amputate a toe to win tickets. Howard said he can't do it but you can still try to win with the giveaways they have. Howard said they're auctioning off some tickets too. Howard said he can't take his toe because he's not sure that's even legal.

Robin got back to her news and read a story about the French president's girlfriend who got so upset she had to go to the hospital. Howard said no one has ever gotten sick over him.

Robin read about Pam Anderson has gotten married to her third husband making it her fourth marriage. Howard said she's married just about everyone twice. Howard said she married Kid Rock twice and Tommy Lee twice. Howard said she's a nice woman but he can see she's very confused. He said that's just not normal. Robin said she married Rick Solomon who was in the Paris Hilton sex tape video.

Howard took a call from a woman who asked if there was any jealousy between the women when he was on vacation with Jennifer Aniston and Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said everyone was mellow and it was fun. There was no jealousy. The caller asked if he had to sign a non-disclosure form. Howard said he didn't. He said he heard from Beth that all of the girls were emailing each other after the vacation. The caller asked if they talk about him ranking on them in the past. Howard said they've worked all of that out.

The caller asked if she can get a tour of the studio for her husband's 50th birthday. Howard said he can't do that but she broke him down a few seconds later. Howard told the guys to give her a tour. He went into a live commercial read after that.

Robin read a story about Sean Penn and Charlize Theron coming out as a couple. Howard said she's a very sexy woman like that Allie over there.

Robin read about the E! network apologizing for a mistake they had on the screen during the Golden Globe red carpet coverage. They had a ''fun fact'' about when Michael J. Fox was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease. Howard asked what kind of dopes are running that network. He said they're supposed to be on the celebrity's side. He said they worked for them and they know they're the cheapest mother fuckers on the planet. Howard said they probably gave that job to some intern.

Robin had a bunch of clips from the Golden Globes. She had a clip of the director of 12 Days a Slave forgetting who to thank. She had some audio of Jennifer Lawrence making her acceptance speech and being out of breath while doing it. Howard said that the women's gowns were awful on that show. He said they pull their hair back in a horrible style. He said it's like women who get married and do the same thing. He said the women look ugly and horrible. Howard said he's not sure who these stylists are but they make the women look ugly. He said Jennifer Lawrence looked horrible.

Robin had some audio of Leonardo DiCaprio making a speech about Martin Scorsese being a visionary. Howard said that he's no visionary. He said there are other people who are. Howard said he has to correct Leo on this stuff. He said that the kid who gets his legs blown off in Iraq is a risk taker. Martin Scorsese isn't a risk taker.

Robin had some audio of Bryan Cranston accepting his award for Best Actor in a TV Drama. Howard said he likes Bryan. Robin had some audio of Michael Douglas making his acceptance speech. He was thanking Matt Damon for what he did and saying he's the bravest, most talented actor he's worked with.

Robin read about the Chris Christie bridge-gate that erupted over the weekend. Robin said he tried to explain how some people who worked for him decided to tie up traffic on the George Washington Bridge because the mayor of Fort Lee, New Jersey didn't endorse him for Governor. Howard said that was killing him. He said he thought he handled the press conference well though. He said this is some of the chicken shit stuff that politicians get into. Howard said he's going to believe Chris Christie. Howard said it's so hard to find a guy who is capable of running a state. He said that he prays that there is no smoking gun and he really didn't know about this. Robin said they are doing a lot of investigations to find out who knew what and when they knew it. Robin had some audio of the mayor of Fort Lee talking about that whole thing. Howard did a live commercial read a short time later.

Robin read a story about Alex Rodriguez being out of the entire season next year. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that. She had some audio of baseball fans talking about it as well.

Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who asked if he's going to be on the road with AGT this season. Howard said he won't be on the road. He said they're going to bring the talent there. Howard thanked Mariann for the call. Mariann wished Howard a happy birthday and also asked Robin about her flu and said she's not getting a flu shot if Robin got one and still got the flu. Howard hung up on her when she started to sing ''All I need is Howard in my life...''

Robin read a story about Ariel Sharon dying over the weekend. Howard said that he will be doing some traveling for AGT this season. He said it won't all be there.

Robin told Howard about the NFL championship games that are coming up this weekend. Howard wondered how they can have two teams in New York and neither one is in the playoffs. Howard said that the Patriots are in it and they can't win it there in New York. Robin said she's not sure what happened this year. Howard said it's a dumb game.

Robin said that the movie Lone Survivor was number 1 at the box office. Robin said it was a surprise hit. Howard said he loves it. Robin ran down the list of the other movies in the top 5. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show around 10:15am.

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-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

Wrap Up Show - The Harmony Singer Disaster. 01/13/14. 10:20am
Jon Hein started the show talking about what they were going to cover today. They spent a little time talking about the Golden Globes and the gifts that Benjy gave to Howard. Gary said he had ripped a bunch of CDs and gave them to Howard so that's what he was talking about with the music he gave him.

Jon said they also learned that the dress code for the birthday show is ''your best'' so that's open to interpretation.

Jon said the bit that didn't work on the show today was the harmony singer thing. Jon said Scott the Engineer is in there to explain his side of the story. Gary asked why Fred's guitar wasn't set up and ready to go. Scott said that's Fred's thing. He said he thought Fred wanted to tune it up. He said it took 2 seconds to tune it up. Scott said he should ask Fred why that wasn't ready to go. Scott said everything worked the way it should have. Gary asked why it didn't sound good. Scott said that's up for debate. Gary told him to give his side. Scott said that he and Fred tested it last week and Fred had to adjust the buttons. He said the harmonies are created from the key of the guitar so if you're out of key then it won't work. Scott said either Howard was out of key or Fred wasn't playing the right key.

Gary said it was conveyed to Howard that it was a lot easier to use than it was. He said Scott should have told Howard to do it during a break or something. Scott said you have to be in key with the guitar too though.

Benjy said he heard a harmony. Scott said it was working but it was cutting in and out. Scott said it will work if you're in key. He said you need to have a pitch for it to adjust to and that may not have been reached.

Jon asked if Gary thought Scott was blaming Fred. Gary said everyone was blaming everyone else. Scott said it did technically work. He said it was working on the air. Gary said Scott may be right about the key. Scott said that Fred wanted to check it after the show. Gary said that Fred didn't hear it working in his headphones. Scott said that if you're off key then it won't work. He said there was nothing he could have done anything differently.

Jon asked if Scott is being blamed wrongly here. Gary said that would take an investigation he has no time for. Shuli said he was in Scott's studio when the shit hit the fan. He said it was amazing to watch Scott work when he was being yelled at. He said he picked up a bundle of wires and looked at it and then threw it down. He picked it up a second time and then threw it down again. He said he also blamed Fred for the screw up. Scott said there are a lot of adjustments on the box that Fred could make.

Jon said that Scott was saying that Fred was playing off key. Scott said he never said that. He also said that he never said Howard was singing out of key.

Jon took a call from a guy who said that he has used that box and he thinks that Howard was singing in the right key but he was an octave too low. He said that could be why he was off. Scott said he could be right. He said he's no musician. Jon said he plays drums though. Scott said he's a drum player, he's not a drummer. He said technically what came out of the box was correct.

Jon took another call from a guy who said that what Howard was singing shouldn't have been coming through his headset. He said he was adjusting to what he was hearing in the headphones. Gary said he's not sure that would work either.

Jon took a call from a guy who said Howard was the one who was off. He said it didn't sound anything like the Eagles. Gary said he's pretty sure Howard wasn't going for that.

Jon said he was going to move on to the gifts that Benjy gave to Howard. Benjy said that he just did what anyone would do. He said he's tried to get gifts for everyone but he gets overly thought out about it. He said he has had ideas for people like Jon and Scott but then he thinks about them being organic and things like that. Benjy said he just had to bite the bullet and make a decision on what to do for Howard. He said that he has to do it now and he has done it.

Jon asked Gary if he's gotten a gift from Benjy. Gary said he has. He said he got a book of Yiddish terms that he liked.

Jon took a call from a guy who said if anyone else said they ripped Howard a bunch of CDs for his birthday they'd get ripped a new asshole. Gary said that he didn't get Howard that for his birthday. He said he got him a Neil Young CD a few weeks ago. He said he can get him more gifts over the next couple of weeks. He said he had another idea this morning about what he can give him so he may do that as well. They went to break a short time later.

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Wrap Up Show - Queen Latifah. 01/13/14. 10:40am
After the break Jon moved on to talk about Queen Latifah. He said Howard didn't know what to call her today. Gary said Howard didn't even know that wasn't her real name. He said that's like when they call Kid Rock ''Bob'' since that's his real name. Jon said some people call Gary Baba Booey because they don't know his real name. Gary said that his company is called Baba Booey Inc. so people at his bank will call him Mr. Booey not knowing that it's not his name.

Jon said Queen Latifah was talking about how she usually follows her gut and it's worked out for her. He said when she doesn't follow it that's when it doesn't work. Jon asked Gary if he does that. Gary said he thinks it out and plans it more than going by gut. Benjy said he likes people who go by their gut.

Jon took a call from a guy who said that he knows Howard has rap guys on the show but he's wondering if this will open the show to more hip hop artists. Gary and Jon asked who. The caller said that getting Eminem in there would be great. Gary said they'd like to get him in there but he doesn't. Benjy said he has been in there.

Gary asked who else he'd like to hear on the show. Jon Leiberman said that maybe Rev. Run would be good. Gary said he's been on the show before.

Jon said female rappers back in the day wasn't easy to get into. Leiberman said that she set the framework for everyone that followed her. He said that queen is an appropriate name for her. The guys threw out a few other names of rappers that were around before Latifah. Leiberman said they were all good too.

Jon asked Leiberman if he would work solo or with other people when he was doing rap. Leiberman said he worked alone but if he were to do it again he'd work with other rappers. Leiberman said he thinks that being a rapper can get you into other things. He said once you're in that realm then it's realistic and doable.

Jon took a call from a guy who said that Howard does a great job with his interviews and showing a great side of these people. He wondered if anyone does any research into her history and if they know nay of her music. Gary said they did some research on the music but they may not know it. Gary said she was after his time. Leiberman said he remembers her but she wasn't a focal point of his listening at the time.

The caller said he's not sure that they'd go out and research any other rappers that are popular. He said does not sure that they'd have Kanye on the show. Gary said he would take him in a second. Gary said he likes it when someone says they're not into queen Latifah and then they're into her after the interview is over. Jon said they had to take another break after that.

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Wrap Up Show - Ronnie's Sex Life. 01/13/14. 10:55am
After the break Jon moved on to talk about Ronnie the Limo Driver and his ''This or That'' game. Jon said they learned more about his sex life today. Ronnie didn't have much to say about that. Gary said that the answer is never one worked with Ronnie. He said that he gives a full explanation of what he likes and why. He said that's what he loves about the game.

Ronnie said that people on Twitter are talking about all of that stuff he brings up. He said that they'll try it and say it's great or they'll say it's disgusting.

Jon said the well never runs dry with Ronnie. He said he has more examples of doing stuff than anyone else. He said he has an opinion and some expertise on some of this stuff. Jon said there seems to be a difference when it comes to this stuff with him and Sal. Ronnie said Sal is just about killing the girl when he's trying to impress a girl. He said he wants the girl to enjoy the sex but Sal doesn't seem to want that. Ronnie said he was joking about it when he said that he keeps his cock in a girl's mouth when he cums. He said she's going to want it because he's not forcing her into it.

Jon asked Ronnie if he's always been about pleasing a woman like that. Ronnie said he has. He said he had a girl he was engaged to and this girl had never had oral sex in a car. He said he was like 17 at the time. Ronnie said his dad had a 73 Dodge Dart and it had a big bench seat. He said they had no place to go. He said he figured they'd drive to the house which was at an apartment building with a garage. He said he was eating her out in the car and she had her legs on the dashboard. He said she had a yellow skirt on and he was down there doing his thing. He said he felt liquid on the seat but it was dark in there. He said he lifted his head up and put his hand down. He said his hand was covered in blood. He said it turns out he had a nose bleed from bending over at an odd angle. He said her yellow mini skirt was covered in blood. He said he didn't give a shit about her. He was worried about his dad's car being covered in blood. It had vinyl seats in it so he had to clean that up before his dad saw it. He said he took her home and gave her his jacket to cover up. He said that she ran into the house and up to her bedroom. He said he was able to clean up the car after that too so his dad didn't know. He said his dad would have been cool with it though.

Jon asked if he thought it was her time of month. Ronnie said he thought that's what it was but the blood was pouring into his mouth. Ronnie said he tasted the blood but he didn't know what it was.

Leiberman asked how he remembers what she was wearing at the time. Ronnie said it's something he didn't forget. He said he had this girl with her legs on the dash and he was bent down in a way that made the blood rush to his head. He said he didn't know what was going on right away.

Jon asked if that's the most challenging time he had in a car. Ronnie said he picked up a girl once when he was driving as a kid. He said he picked up the girl in the street and they went to a diner. He said he bought her some food and he ended up banging the shit out of her in the car. He said this was someone he didn't even know.

Shuli said if you've ever ridden around with Ronnie you hear all kinds of stories from him on every block. Jon said they were running out of time so he had Jon Leiberman run down his news preview. Leiberman ran down a list of the stories they were going to be covering today. He mentioned the awful flight that Jon Hein and Gary had on the way back from Las Vegas. He also said that Jeff the Drunk doesn't have a ticket for the birthday show yet but he has a tux. He said they have more on that and much more today. Everyone else got in their plugs and they ended the show around 10:10am.

Howard Plays Some Various Audio Clips. 01/14/14. 6:00amShow opening bits and songs included: A ''Tongue Twister Time with High Pitch Eric'' bit, a prank call to a guy using Ronnie the Limo Driver audio clips, Collective Soul performing ''The World I Know'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

Howard started the show talking about how Rob Zombie shares his birthday. Robin said she didn't know that. Howard asked how she's feeling today. Robin said she's feeling better every day.

Howard said he has so much to talk about but he doesn't feel like talking. Robin said she has a question for him. She said she was watching a reality TV show and this woman comes home and the guy says ''I had a very trying day'' and the woman asks ''What were you trying to do?'' Howard said you leave the woman. He said you can't overlook that. Robin said then they had a conversation about having a baby. Howard said that kid is going to have a poor genetic pool. Robin said this was one of the Divas on a WWE reality show. Howard said the guy should have said he was trying to divorce her.

Howard said they have a very busy show. He said Michael Ian Black will be coming in. He said he just got his book. They also have the hottest mother daughter contest coming up today. Robin said she never thought they'd see that happen. Howard said he didn't either but it's coming up today.

Howard said he watched The Bachelor and has a clip to play. Howard played a bit they did with Ham Hands Bill playing The Bachelor. He had a couple of clips of Bill playing the part and saying things about his dick, ass and sniffing panties.

Howard said they've never had a bachelor so outspoken before. He said they should get a guy like that. He said it's crazy how proper the guy has to act on the show.

Howard said Evander Holyfield is on the British version of Big Brother and he's saying some crazy stuff lately. Howard said that's what makes a good reality show though. He said that he had a good image for a while but now he's saying some crazy stuff. He played a clip of Evander talking about hitting a horse after he fell off the horse. The other people eon the show told him how wrong he was for doing that but he kept saying that he was embarrassed by it so he punched it in the jaw. Then he said he didn't know the horse was pregnant at the time. Howard said the guy has to know he's on TV and shouldn't tell stories like that. He said he should just keep it quiet. Howard said he's a maniac. Howard said the guy is hitting it out of the park with those stories though.

Howard said Dennis Rodman is great too. He said he's back on American soil and the reporters are all over him. He said he's hanging out with one of the most despicable people on the planet. Howard played some audio of Dennis defending his actions and saying that he's not the President and it's okay for him to do this. Howard said they really have to get him on the show. Howard said he does so well there when he comes in.

Howard said DMX is great too. He said he's been booked on the show a bunch of times but he keeps backing out. Howard said that he was on some show and played some audio. DMX was talking about how he's the only one to get arrested for driving without a license. Howard said everyone gets arrested for that kind of thing. He said you can tell the interviewer gets annoyed with him too. He played another clip where DMX was getting all worked up over something and the reporter was getting kind of frustrated with him. Howard said this guy is the best guest ever. He said he had no idea what he just said but it was great.

Howard said he thinks Kanye West did the right thing. He said his wife, Kim Kardashian, went to the chiropractor and some guy told her that she's a ''nigger lover'' so she called Kanye and the guy was telling him the same thing. Kanye then said he was coming down to beat the shit out of him. The guy waited and Kanye knocked the guy out. Howard said he knows you're not supposed to hit someone but eventually enough is enough. Howard said he gets that. Robin said that person needed a beat down. Robin said she hopes he doesn't get into trouble for that. Howard said he probably will.

Howard played more DMX audio from that interview. He was talking about becoming a pastor and how he didn't want to molest boys so he didn't become a priest. Howard said he has a point based on what he's read.

Howard said Richard's Dad was out hunting and he was hunting rabbits. Howard played a clip of Richard's dad leaving a message about the 4 rabbits he's had so far this winter. Howard said he actually hunts to eat. He said he ignores the supermarket 3 blocks away and hunts rabbit. Howard said he doesn't have a beef with a guy who eats what he hunts. He said he finds it odd that he calls Richard to let him know. He said he's kind of cool though. He said he stays connected with Richard. Howard said he'd like to know how often he calls. He said they must hear one tenth of the messages. Howard said his dad never calls him to let him know what he eats.

Howard Tells His Mom About The Queen Latifah Interview. 01/14/14. 6:20am
Howard said his mom called last night to let him know that she heard that Queen Latifah was on the show. Howard said he asked if she heard it. She was at the doctor and missed it. Howard said he asked if she has a CD player so he could send her the interview. Howard said he wanted to call her back after eating dinner. He did that and then he had to tell her what Queen Latifah said. Howard said the interview was over an hour long. He said he didn't want to repeat the whole interview. He did start out telling her what happened when she came in. Howard told her about the things that she was talking about and had to get into detail when his mom would ask about certain things. He was doing his impression of his mom asking all of these questions.

Howard said the interview was over an hour so he couldn't get into every detail. Howard said he can't remember all of the details either. Howard said his mom asked about suggesting her for America's Got Talent. Howard said he told her about that and had to explain to his mom why she wasn't able to do it. Howard said he brought his mom up with Queen Latifah too. Howard said his mom asked what he said about that. Howard said he told Queen Latifah that she's very big with women 80 years old and above and she's not sure why. He said his mom laughed at that. Howard said he repeated every aspect of the interview he could. He said he was going to try to get her a cassette so she could listen.

Howard said his dad could have told her about the interview. Howard said he's able to hear everything when he's by the radio. He said he has a lot of hearing loss but he can crank the radio loud. Howard said the walls shake when he's listening. He said you have to wear ear plugs when you watch TV with them.

Robin said she just saw a phone for sale that writes out what people are saying on the line. Howard said that's what he needs. He said his dad doesn't even pick up the phone when his mom isn't there. Howard said if he calls and his dad picks up he'll tell him to hold on and then he'll start shuffling something around. He said he must be adjusting his hearing aid or something. Howard said then he switches phones.

Howard said his parents really like Robin. He said he should bring her with him when he goes to visit. He said they don't want any fancy phone like Robin was describing.

Eric The Actor Calls In. 01/14/14. 6:30am
Howard said he has to get Hanzi on the phone. He said someone told him about this song parody that someone made. The person wrote it about his real name which is Imran Khan. Howard played the song for Robin. It was about him living in the basement with his parents. Howard told Fred to play that when Hanzi calls in. Hard said that was Psych who did that song.

Howard took a call from Eric the Actor who wished him a happy birthday. He also said he was thankful for being able to call into the show for the past 12 years. He said he won't be able to attend his birthday bash because of Johnny Fratto's slow work. Howard said maybe it's not up to Johnny to find him work. Eric said that it's the manager or agent that should be able to figure out the client's needs are. Howard asked if he's ever paid Johnny. Eric said no.

Gary said that he had a conversation with Eric about possibly bringing him out there and he asked what he needed. He said he never got back to him. Eric said he gave that to Johnny to handle. Howard said Johnny isn't getting paid so he can't expect him to handle all of this. Howard said they have a huge amount of guests coming to the show and it's going to be amazing. He said he's sure they'd all love to see Eric. Gary said he wanted to get him there. He said that he spoke to Eric off the air and they were civil to each other. He said that it was the first time that had happened. Howard said they knew that they had to do a lot for Eric but they were prepared to do it. Howard said Eric didn't tell them what he needed so he's missed out on the big weekend. Howard said he dropped the ball.

Eric said he's hoping that his friend Adam Snyder will be there with the 49ers. Howard thanked him for the call and let him go. Howard said he kept the update short. Howard said he's blaming Johnny Fratto for this. He said he's not going to be at the show and he has no one to blame but himself.

Robin said Eric was so nice at the start of the call. Howard said he didn't want to hear where he was going with that. He said he had to let him go.

A Birthday Show Ticket Game. 01/14/14. 6:35am
Howard took a call from a guy who asked if Robin is okay because he's freaking out about this cold she has. Howard said it's just a cold. The caller asked if she's going to disappear for another year and a half. Howard said no. The caller said he wanted to take a shot at the birthday show tickets again. He asked if he would have sex with the mother from Honey Boo-Boo if he could cure cancer with that. Howard said he thinks he would but he's not sure he could get it up for her. Howard said he thinks he would rather fuck Benjy. Howard said he'd have to find something on Mama June that was feminine and focus on that. Robin wished him luck. Howard asked if she has nice hair. Fred said no. The caller said he thinks that they could have a threesome on her chin.

Howard said he finds her barely a woman. Howard said he'd take one for the team if he could cure cancer or AIDS. Howard said he'd find out a way to do it.

The caller said he needs a shot at the tickets. Howard said he'll do a Ronnie game with James. Howard said he was going to take a break but he will get through this quickly.

Howard said they're playing the Ronnie ''This or That'' game with James. Howard said that he has to hang up if he doesn't get this right. Howard said he's giving James a second shot at this. He called in last week trying to win. Howard said he has to hang up if he loses. James said he did it last week.

Howard said they asked Ronnie about his sexuality and asked if he would rather slap her ass or pull her hair. James said yesterday was tough but today it's hard. He said he has a 50/50 chance with this one. Howard asked what he thinks Ronnie would rather do. James asked what their advice is. He picked Ronnie as his lifeline. Howard said that's brilliant but that's the one guy he can't ask. Howard said he thinks that the ass is the way to go. James said he'll go with that then. Howard said he can't blame him if he loses. Howard said you can win tickets in other ways and you can find out how to win through HowardStern.com. He ran down some of the guests they have coming to the birthday bash. He said there are so many he can't even announce. He asked Gary if he can mention any yet. Gary said that's it for now.

James said that he just wants to be part of this and he doesn't even want to meet Howard or anything. Howard asked JD what he's going to wear to the show. He said the dress code is just ''your best.'' JD said he's going to wear the suit he just got. He said he may be wearing sneakers though. Howard said that's not a good look for him. He said he should wear shoes. JD said he'll wear them then. Howard said he's like a chick with high heels that doesn't want to wear heels. Howard said he should wear some nice shoes. JD said he'll wear them then. Howard said he can find some nice shoes.

James said he's going to kill himself if he doesn't win this thing. Ronnie came in saying that they got JD some very nice dress shoes. Howard said JD has put on weight in the last two months. JD said he's doing some stuff and he's going to be doing a lot of moving around. Howard said he has to control the eating. JD said he just had a ham sandwich and chips yesterday for lunch. Howard said he should skip the chips. JD said he'll be fine with the suit. Howard said they just got him that thing a few months ago. JD said he knows. Ronnie was goofing on him about the weight too. Howard asked what he puts on the ham sandwich. JD said he's not getting into his eating habits here. Howard said he wants to know what he puts on it. JD said he doesn't want to get into it. Howard asked if he eats white bread. JD said it was a hero. He said it was like half of one. Howard asked if there was mayonnaise on it. JD said there was ketchup and mayonnaise on it. Howard said that's disgusting. Ronnie said Stephanie does the same thing. They both grew up in Ohio.

James asked the guys to slow down because they were playing a game there. Howard said he's right. He got in some more plugs for the other ways to win tickets. Then he got back to JD and his eating. Howard asked what kind of calories there are in a bag of chips. Ronnie said he thinks it's like 130 calories. Howard asked if he can't avoid the mayonnaise and ketchup with his sandwich. JD said he could.

James said he hasn't been able to sleep for a week so they have to get to the game. Howard said he's going to play the game and if James loses again he has to hang up. James said he will hang up. He said he wants to ask a question if he loses though. James said he wanted to say happy birthday to him just in case he loses. Howard said he likes his spirit and he would like to share his birthday show with him. He said he's pulling for him with this. He said he has to win fair and square. Howard said he is honorable and does hang up when he loses. Howard said he feels so bad for Gary. He said they have so many people calling in asking for tickets. Howard said he'd like people to let him off the hook. They only have 1500 seats at the Hammerstein Ballroom. He said there are people who are their friends and are angry that they're not going. Howard said he says this with peace and love but they don't have enough tickets to give them to everyone. Howard said the seating is going to the fans and the guests who are coming. Howard said they don't have a ton of tickets. Howard said people have said horrible things to Gary about it. Howard said they wish they could have more but they can not. Howard said it's 1500 tickets and that's it.

Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would want to slap her ass or pull her hair. Howard said he thinks this is an easy one. Howard asked James if he was ready. James said he was as ready as he'd ever be. Howard let him hang in the wind for a short time. Howard said he was building suspense. He asked the guys to be quiet while he was letting James hang there. Howard asked James if he wanted to change his answer. James said he could have done that at any time. James asked why he asked him that. Howard asked him if he was sticking with his answer. James said he's not sure what to do. He sounded like he was near tears. Howard asked if he wanted to change. James said he wants the right answer. His wife told him to just pick one. Howard said he should do that. Howard told James to ask her. James said she likes anal sex and she doesn't care if he slaps her ass or pulls her hair.

Howard said this means a lot to James because it's going to be the best party ever. Howard said he's locking him in on slap her ass. Howard played the answer and Ronnie said that he likes to pull hair. He said it's like having a bucking bronco. James was freaking out. Howard said he asked him if he wanted to change. James was supposed to hang up. James sounded like he was crying. Howard said he told him that he was going to hang up. James said this was the worst week of his life when he hung up last week. He said he had to ask for one more chance. Howard said he just gave him a chance. He said he's not being very masculine right now. James said he doesn't care. He said he is a Stern fan and he can answer trivia but not 50/50 shit. Howard said everyone wins the Ronnie game. James asked why he didn't want to slap her ass. Ronnie said that it turns chicks on to pull their hair. Ronnie said he can slap an ass anyway.

James said that he's still on the phone. He said he has one question about Son of the Beach. Howard asked if anyone wanted to give him one more chance. Robin said she did. Howard said he did too. JD said this was his second time already. Howard said he has to hang up if he gets this next one wrong. Ronnie said he's going to have to have his wife give him anal and let him pull her hair if he loses.

Howard said they're doing one more with James. James said he was ready. Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather be with a woman who had a good body and a bad face or a bad body and a good face. Howard said he'll give him a different question if he wants it. James asked for a different one. Howard said he thought that was an easy one. James said he'd go with that but it was too late. Howard said they're asking Ronnie if he would rather be with a squirter or a woman who can flex her vagina muscles. James said he has to go with the tight pussy thing. He said that if he doesn't go with that then Ronnie is a faggot and he'll hang up. Howard said he has to hang up if he loses. Howard played the answer and Ronnie said he would rather have a squirter. James lost again. He was gone within seconds. Howard said he really did hang up.

Ronnie said he should have hung with the other question. Howard said that he thinks Ronnie wants the hot body. Howard said that was a simple one. He said he should have stuck with it. Ronnie did pick the hot body. Howard said everyone knows Ronnie loves squirters. Ronnie asked what's wrong with that guy. He said he has said it so many times. Howard said he wanted him to go. Ronnie said he's probably killing himself now. Howard was shocked. He said that was crazy.

Howard asked Fred what he's wearing to the show. Fred said he's going to see if he can find his tux but he may have to go out and buy something. Fred said the tux may be in storage. Howard said they have to get to Michael Ian Black. He said he just got his book and it's good. He said he's on an Amazon roll lately. He said he has Prime and he's been ordering a bunch of stuff.

Howard said he was reading Michael's book and he had some really funny stuff in there. He said he'll have to talk about that later. He went to break after that

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Michael Ian Black Visits. 01/14/14. 7:10am
After the break we heard some prank calls Sal made to a religious call in show asking for prayers and speaking in tongues. Fred also played Bruno Mars ''Locked Out of Heaven'' as they were coming back.

Howard came back and asked if Bruno has had any other hit songs since that one. Fred said they haven't been as big as that one.

Howard said he has Michael Ian Black there. Howard said he doesn't look gay. He said Michael has said that people say he looks gay. Michael said he used to get hit on a lot when he was younger and thinner. He said he doesn't get that so much now. Howard said he just got his book last night. He said it's really good. Howard said he got it in paperback. Howard said his book was one of the first things he ordered on Amazon. He said he can order just about anything he wants. Michael said they have everything from books to shovels. He asked if Howard has ever gone to a store before. Howard said he has.

Howard said he really likes his book. He said one of the titles in the book was something about what Billy Joel is thinking when he goes to a party and there's a piano there. Howard said he has had Billy to his house and he knows he's a great guy. Howard said he had a piano at his house and Billy didn't want to play it. He played anything but his own songs though. He said that's one way to deal with it. Michael said that would be like Howard going to a house and they have a radio studio there.

Howard said Sarah Silverman says the book is good as a bathroom book. He said that she was right. Howard said you can turn to any chapter and find something funny to read. Howard asked if he sold a lot of the books. Michael said he didn't. He said he sold a few. He said he has another book that's about his life (You're Not Doing It Right: Tales of Marriage, Sex, Death, and Other Humiliations) that Howard isn't talking about.

Howard said Michael talks about how you ask for anal in the book. Michael told Howard about what he talks about in that chapter. He said that you do the finger waddle with her. He showed Howard what it looks like. Michael said it's a rapid up and down movement with your middle finger. Howard said that most of the time the reaction might be negative. Michael said you continue to try after that. He said you just do more finger waddling until you get that yes.

Howard said Robin had a guy bend her over a sink and take what he wanted. Robin said there was no finger waddle. Michael said maybe that's why people think he's gay. Howard said he wishes he had read the full book before he came in. He said he just got it though.

Howard said Michael says that vampires are good for the economy. Michael said he didn't remember that. He said he wrote the book like 6 years ago.

Howard said Michael is a big Twitter star. Michael said he has about 2 million followers. He said they put him on their recommended list when they were just getting started. He said that helped get him a lot of followers. Howard said Michael was in a controversy over the brand Dos Equis when he tweeted something about them as an ad. Michael said that he doesn't understand people who get upset with you if you're trying to make some money. He said that he's just trying to make a few grand for putting out all of this material. Howard said they don't want to see him making any money off the internet. Michael said he retweets the haters and it gives him so much joy. He said he doesn't care that it encourages even more haters.

Howard said he got so fed up with Twitter that he had to stop doing it. Michael said that he blocks people who are mean in an unfunny way. He said they'll tell him that he's not funny and not be funny about it. He said those are the people he'll block. He said he blocks people who call him a fag too. Howard said he agrees about that word. He said that's just offensive. Howard said it's enough of that.

Howard asked Michael about his upbringing. He said his mother was gay. Michael said she still is. Howard said she was married to a guy and then announced she was gay one day. Michael said he was 5 when she came out. He said when you're that age you don't even understand it. He said he just knew he was living with some lady now. Michael said that his sister has Down Syndrome too so it's a very wild story.

Howard said Michael's dad died from a reaction to a medication. Michael said he never quite understood why he died. He said they found him on the side of the road with a bruised face. He said that he was in the hospital and he developed an embolism in his leg that killed him. He said that he was about 12 when his father died and his father was only 39. He said that he was getting kind of Aspberger-y around that time. He said his dad was into HAM radio and he liked to share that with them. Howard asked if he was angry with his mom for being tricked in some way. Michael said he thinks he was furious. He said his dad ended up remarrying a woman named Beth.

Howard said there was a lawsuit over his dad dying. Howard asked if they sued the drug company. Michael said they sued the doctor and the hospital. Howard said they gave the money to his sister because of her condition. Michael said they were all involved in that decision. He said that they were old enough to know what they were agreeing to. Howard said he would have probably said she has Down Syndrome and she doesn't need the money. Michael said it was about giving her money to care for her for the rest of her life. Michael said they did take some of the money to help get them through college.

Howard asked Michael if he ever asked his mom why she married a man. Michael said he did. He said he just asked her that. Michael said when his mom grew up the idea of being gay wasn't even in the air. He said she never thought of that. Michael said she didn't know it until she was in her 20s. He said she told him that she knew it was a mistake as she was walking down the aisle. Howard said that forced it to the front of her mind. Michael said she knew that it was the wrong person but the gay part didn't enter her mind for a few more years.

Howard asked if the woman she married was hot or butch. Michael said she was somewhere in between. He said she was kind of a Billy Jean King type.

Howard asked if he was embarrassed by the situation. Michael said not because of the relationship but the way they were abusive. He said it was terrible. He said they were yellers and screamers. Howard said he seems upset by the whole thing. Howard asked if it was abusive to him. Michael said not so much but the house felt like it could explode at any moment.

Michael said that his mother's girlfriend had a son who was adopted and he was way into the band Rush. He said it was very hard to take. He said he was always playing Tom Sawyer at 6 in the morning. Howard asked if he had to drown out Rush with something of his own. Michael said his other brother was into Howard so he heard Rush and Howard. He said that the Cabbage Patch Dolls were hot at the time and his brother won one from Howard. He said that his brother went to see Howard playing shows in New Jersey. He said that his mother was probably there too so Howard may have met his mother.

Howard said he was pretty taken with Michael's career. He said he was in the Tisch school of the Arts. He created ''The State'' there and that went on to become a TV show. Howard said Michael has a show called ''Duck Quacks Don't Echo'' and it's kind of a myth busting type of show. Howard said he's heard that echo. Michael said that's the one thing they don't actually test on the show. He said they test a bunch of theories and that's one they don't test.

Howard asked for something that they learned that would be surprising. Michael said that they found out that cows with names produce more milk. He said they tested two farmers and the one that names the cows produces more milk. Howard said he believes it. He said cows are highly intelligent. Howard said he can't eat anything with a face like that. He said they say they're as smart as 3 or 4 year olds. Howard said Richard's dad forced them to eat their pet cow and he was saying that the cow would come when you called its name and things like that. Michael said he agrees with Howard but he is a meat eater.

Howard said that Michael has a podcast too. Michael said he does. Howard said he thinks there are too many podcasts out there. Michael said he has one where he does a show with Tom Cavanagh who was on ''Ed'' with him. Howard said that was produced by David Letterman's company. Howard said they were looking for a guy to replace Craig Kilborn. Howard said they thought of Michael for that show and it came down to Michael and Craig Ferguson. Howard asked if he knew they were searching for a replacement. Michael said he knew about that. He said that he talked to Rob Burnett about it. He said there were rounds of auditioning. He said he did a night or two and they had a few people doing that. He said he got to do a week of shows. Howard said he remembers that. He said he thought he was going to get the job. Michael said he thought he was going to get it too. Howard said he got good feedback for what he was doing. Michael said he's good at it. Howard asked if he does stand up. Michael said he does. Howard said he has that whole monologue thing down. Michael said he's more comfortable doing that then being the guest.

Howard asked if he ever got upset and asked Dave why they didn't pick him. Michael said it came down between him and Craig Ferguson and he was conflicted about it. He said he did a show on a Friday night and that was his final show. He said Peter Lassally told him he had gotten it in not so many words. He said that he told him to stay by his phone. Michael said he felt like he had just purchased a house he couldn't afford. He said that he was living in New York and he'd have to move. He said he was devastated he lost but not because he didn't get that particular job. He said that he was relieved he didn't have to move and he still got to do his show ''Stella'' on Comedy Central. Howard said it must hurt after the pilot goes away. Michael said it hurts more now than it did then.

Howard asked if he's been offered other talk shows. Michael said he has but they didn't work. He said there's a time slot that works and 12:30 is a god time. He said he had a show on E! and it just wasn't right. He said he actually really likes Craig Ferguson. He said he's been on the show a bunch and they have a good relationship. He said they talked about how he didn't get the job and Craig is such a sweet guy that everything is okay.

Howard asked when he got the call about the job. Michael said he got the call from Rob Burnett and he told him he didn't get the job. He said he got right to it. Michael said that he had told his wife to start packing before that. Howard said it must have really hurt her. Michael said he's had a lot of failed shows. He said that it doesn't hurt so much after getting so many shots. He said he just did a game show with DL Hughley. He said they're waiting to hear back on that one. He said they co-host the show and one of them is lying about something and the other isn't. He said that Mark Burnett's company brought that to them. He said they did 10 episodes of that and that could be it.

Howard asked how he makes money. Michael said that he goes from one failed TV show to another. He said he would like one where he can not worry about paying his mortgage. Howard asked if he made any money with his book. Michael said he didn't because books don't make money. He said he writes them because he enjoys it. He said he wrote a movie once called ''Run Fat Boy Run'' and it kind of sucked to have someone else do it and not be involved. He said he would have liked to have been involved but he was kind of shut out of it. He said it felt like it wasn't even his anymore.

Howard said you'd think that he'd have a hit by now. Michael said he's given up at this point. Howard said maybe now something will happen.

Howard said Michael has written 5 children's books. Michael said they did pretty well too. Howard said he had a list of things that he has done. Howard asked how his marriage is going. Michael said it's been 15 years and it's going well. He said he's bored with her but it's probably less than she's bored with him.

Howard asked what he says when she says she's bored with him. Michael said he just says that he's probably less bored with her.

Howard said Michael changed his name. He was Michael Schwartz. Michael said that Ian is his middle name and Black is equal to Schwartz. He said he hates the 3 name thing but he couldn't be Michael Black because there was already one.

Howard asked Michael about doing Letterman. Michael said he choked on the show. Howard said he gets that. He said he always wants to please Dave. Howard said he thinks he would just pick a few things from his book to talk about on Letterman. He said he should be Michael's mentor.

Michael said he got to go back on Letterman and he was on when Justin Bieber was on. He said Letterman was freaked out that night. He said Dave had said something to Bieber that got him upset and that kept Dave from paying attention to him. Michael said that he told a story about being in Vegas with a stripper and that upset the whole staff at Letterman. He said he had cleared the story with the producers though. He said that the Bieber thing had run long so the ended up cutting down his appearance.

Howard asked what the story was that he told about the stripper. Michael said he was writing a book with Megan McCain at the time. He said he asked her if she wanted to write a book over Twitter and she said she did. He said they went on a road trip across America and they asked people questions. He said that the book didn't make any money. He said he's building a house right now and he won't be able to pay for it.

Michael said they went to Vegas when they were writing this book. He said that they went to a strip club and he's not good with that stuff. He said Megan got him a lap dance and this woman who was probably 45 years old came over and asked if he wanted the upside down pussy. Michael said he said no and that's when Megan gave her the money to do it anyway. Michael said her head went in between his legs and her pussy was right where his mouth is. He said that it was awful. Howard said strippers don't know what's hot. He said that is just not a hot move. Michael said that's not what you want to see or smell either. He said he was telling that story in a different form on Letterman and the audience was liking it. He said that's what got cut out of the Letterman appearance. He said he didn't think he had upset Dave in any way. They ended up cutting the bit and told him that the women on the show were offended by the story. He said he's not going back on Letterman anytime soon. He said they won't invite him back. He said he has a home on Ferguson's show though.

Howard gave Michael some plugs for the ''Duck Quacks Don't Echo'' and asked if he thinks it'll succeed. Michael said no way. He said that Tom Papa is another host of the show. Howard said he met Tom and he's a good guy. He said he thinks he met him at Rob Zombie's house. Howard said he'll check this show out. He said he thought he did great there today. He said that makes up for all of those Letterman appearances. Howard said he thinks he's said enough. He said he's bored with his wife and that's a lot. Michael said he loves her though. Howard asked if he has any regrets he married young. Michael said he was 27 so he wasn't that young. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

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Howard Talks To Hanzi. 01/14/14. 8:05am
After the break Howard came right back and said he got to see the Golden Globes a day late. He said he was happy to see Jon Voight win for Ray Donovan. He said he was happy to see Robin Wright win too. He said she's really hot. Howard said she was married to Sean Penn. He said he must have given her the heave ho. Robin said Sean is with Charlize Theron now. Howard said Robin is dating Ben Foster now. He said that he's much younger than her. Howard said she has a very toned body from what he could see in her gown. Howard said most women look shitty in their gowns but she looked good.

Howard took a call from Hanzi whose name is really Imran Khan. Howard played the song parody that he played earlier about Hanzi's real name. Hanzi said he hates when people call him that. He said his uncle is actually the famous cricket player named Imran Khan.

Hanzi said he's upset that he has no problem flying Eric the Actor out but he won't fly him out. Howard said he offered him that because he's handicapped. Howard said that he has no problem with Hanzi coming if he follows his rules. Howard said Eric isn't living with his parents either. Hanzi said he held him off from getting any opportunity in show business. Hanzi said Howard holds a lot of people back. Howard asked what it is that he's holding him back from. Hanzi said he silences people like Jackie's audience and things like that. Howard said he didn't do that. Jackie did that all on his own. Howard told Hanzi he would be thrilled to have Hanzi at the party but he has to go to his mother and ask permission. He said he knows he suffers from mental issues and he can't have him there alone at the party. He said he needs a note from his mother or his mother accompanies him. Hanzi said that he can't do that.

Howard said he wants him at the birthday show. He just has to go to his mother and ask her permission. Howard asked what he calls her, mom or mommy. Hanzi said he doesn't call her anything. Hanzi said his mother isn't well. He said he doesn't want his father coming with him either. He said they would suggest he go with his brother anyway. Howard said he has to get a notarized note from his parents that he can go with his brother or bring his mommy or daddy. Hanzi asked how he gets him the note. Robin said he has to put it in the mail. Hanzi asked if he has to show it to him directly.

Howard said he has the hottest nude mom and daughter contest coming up. Hanzi asked if he can get him a date with Chelsea Handler. Howard said he might be able to do that. He said she's coming on soon. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi told him to hold on. Howard said he has to go. Hanzi yelled at him to hold on but Howard said he can't spend the whole show with him. He said it would be compelling to spend the whole show with him though. Howard had to go to break after that.

The Hottest Nude Mother/Daughter Contest. 01/14/14. 8:20am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a Chinese restaurant using clips of Robin speaking Klingon. We also heard a Scott the Engineer ''The Least Interesting Man in the World'' bit. Fred also played Guns N' Roses ''Sweet Child O' Mine'' as they were coming back.

Howard came back and said he's excited about this big contest. They have a $5,000 prize. Howard said that it's courtesy of CougarLife.com

Howard said they have two sets of mothers and daughters competing today. Howard said that's a miracle they got that many. Howard said he didn't think anyone would enter the contest. Fred played Howard in as the host of the show. Howard said they have Ronnie, JD and possibly Sal as the judging panel. Howard said that you never know what will come out of their mouths. Howard said Ronnie always has something to say. He's an expert. Howard asked JD if he wanted to judge. JD said why not. Howard said Sal can judge but he can't say creepy stuff. He said he has to keep his mouth shut. Sal said he wants them to be comfortable. Then he blurted out ''Bring those sluts in!'' Howard said he's done with him. Sal said they're not there yet. Ronnie said they can hear him though.

JD said he's judging a contest tomorrow too. He said they're doing the Wack Packer contest tomorrow. He said he has a gavel for that. Howard said if Sal fucks up he has to leave.

Howard said he wants Robin to judge too. He said they need a woman's point of view. He said it could get creepy if they don't. Howard said they're bringing in the contestants one at a time. Howard said someone should have discussed that with him.

Howard brought in Buffie and Lexus. Howard said ''Wow!'' when they walked in. JD said they look like sisters. Howard said Buffie looks very young. She's 40. Howard asked if she's married. She said she is. She said she's been married to him for 10 years. She said that it's not Lexus' dad. Howard asked how old she is. She's 22. Howard asked if she ever gets jealous of the attention her mom gets. Lexus said she doesn't. She said that they walk around the house naked so this isn't a big deal for them. Howard asked if they bathe together. Lexus said they'll be in the bathroom at the same time but not shower together. Howard said his dad washed his balls for him regularly.

Howard asked if Buffie ever had to spank her daughter. She said she did once but that was really tough. Howard asked if she has other kids. She said she has younger kids but Lexus is the only one over 21. Howard said that JD is liking this.

Howard asked if the girls get hit on a lot. Buffie and Lexus said that they do. They'll go out to a bar and drink and they get hit on a lot. Howard asked if that's confusing to Lexus. She said she finds it funny actually. Howard asked if they have normal type jobs. They said they do. Howard said she must have been pregnant young. Buffie said she was pregnant at 17. She said she had both sides of the family helping out. Howard asked why she didn't get an abortion. Buffie said that they are from Utah so there was no abortion going on there. Howard asked if Lexus still in touch with her dad. She said she is. She said he was okay with this whole thing. Howard said Buffie is very open with her daughter.

Howard asked Lexus what her mom's strength is. She said her arms are good. Howard asked if she worked out for this contest. Buffie said she worked out hard for 2 months. Howard said that they do have competition today. Buffie said they met them. She said they're from Utah as well. Howard asked the judges if they care about arms at all. Sal said he doesn't fuck arms. Howard asked what the weakness is on Buffie. Lexus said that her legs need work. She has fake tits so Howard asked about that. Buffie said she had a blow out of one of her implants. She said it had a slow leak. Sal said he has a slow leak right now too.

Howard asked Buffie what her daughter's best feature is. She said it's her eyes. Ronnie said no one cares about eyes. She said her flat stomach is her best body feature but her bird legs are her worst feature. Howard said he bets they look good.

Howard asked what kind of work they do. Buffie said she's an office manager for a company and they're listening right now. She said hi to them all. Howard asked who the fan of the show is. Buffie said she is. She said she's been listening for a long time. She said her friend Amanda is there and she's a super fan. Howard asked what she weighs. She said she's 122 pounds and about 5'5''. Lexus is 5'6'' and about 120. Howard said that seems to be the perfect weight.

Ronnie said he wants them to get naked so they can stop listening to this bullshit. Howard asked Lexus what she does for a living. She works in the cell phone industry. Howard said this is exciting. Howard said it's time to disrobe. Howard told them to take a deep breath and do their thing. They stripped down a few seconds later. JD said ''God bless America.'' Howard said they're in great shape. Sal said they have twin vaginas. Howard told him to take it easy. Howard said Robin has to be impressed. Robin said they're beautiful. Howard asked Sal if he's touching himself. Sal said he did by accident.

Howard said they're beautiful girls. Howard asked JD what he has to say. JD said this is awesome. Ronnie asked them to turn around. Everyone sounded like they were impressed. They said they both have great asses. Ronnie said the mom needs some squats but she looks great. Howard asked if Lexus has a boyfriend. She said she does. Howard asked if they have any pictures up on the web. Howard said he never thought a mother and daughter could look this good. Howard said that they're looking really good.

Sal asked if Buffie has ever given Lexus advice on oral technique. Lexus said she hasn't but she went through her mother's drawers when she was about 16 and she found anal beads. Buffie said that they do have a lot of toys. Howard said the husband must be happy to have a wife like this.

Howard said that the girls can put their robes back on. Howard said that they are going to bring in their competition now. Howard said that they have Christine and Sarah coming in now. Howard said this is touch competition. Howard said they look young too. Howard asked how old the mom is. She said she's 48. Howard said she looks young. Howard said she has a young look. Howard asked if guys mistake her for being much younger. She said they do.

Howard said Sarah is the daughter. Howard asked if anyone knows what they're doing. They didn't tell anyone until Sarah's brother found out what was going on. They weren't happy to hear about it. They're all Mormons out there in Utah so they weren't thrilled about this. Howard said Christine is the mom and Sarah is the daughter. Howard asked if they have seen each other naked. They said they have their whole life. Howard asked if the mom walks around naked all the time. Sarah said she does but she's comfortable doing that. She said that her mom doesn't do that when her husband is around.

Howard asked if they were upset about the brother finding out and snitching about what was going on. Christine said that her son was very upset with her but Sarah is almost 25 years old. She said that Sarah was the one who brought up the contest and she agreed to do it right away. Howard said some women aren't uptight about their bodies. Robin asked if they worked out. Christine said she stopped eating. She said she had some pizza last night but it was thin and vegetarian. She said it was about 4 days that she didn't eat before that. She said she's a pro at that. Howard asked if she's ever been anorexic. She said she has been. She said she was down to 69 pounds. She's at 105 right now. She said she was in an ICU at the time. Howard said 69 is his goal weight. Howard said imagine how he'll look at that weight. Christine said she was like 23 at the time that happened.

Howard asked what their strengths and weaknesses are. Christine said Sarah's best feature is her ass. Sarah said her mom's boobs are the best feature on her. Howard asked if Christine has other kids. She said she has a 16 year old and a 10 year old. She said the 16 year old is a boy. She said that she told him that she was going to be nude on the show and he was cool with it. She said she's still the MILF. Howard asked if she walks around in bathing suits in front of the kids. She said she wears pajamas.

Howard asked if she's married to Sarah's dad. She said that she isn't. The dad does know they're o the show but not that they're getting nude. Christine said her husband knows but he's not happy about this. She said that she just called him a few minutes ago and told him what she's doing. She said that it was hard on him today.

Howard asked if Christine taught Sarah about sex. She said she did. Sarah said her mother didn't want her to have sex. She said she wanted her to use vibrators and masturbate. Howard said that seems strange. Christine said she was a sexual person and she knew she'd have those urges and she didn't want a young boy to give her that. She said that she wanted her to experience a man. Robin said she doesn't think her mom even knows about vibrators now.

Howard asked Sarah if she was taught how to shave down below by her mom too. She said she figured that out on her own. Howard asked the judges what they thought of the vibrator thing. They all seemed to think it was pretty great.

Howard asked Sarah when she started having sex. She said she was about 18. She said that it did delay sex. Ronnie asked if she made out and gave blow jobs and all of that. Sarah said she did. Howard said he never would have thought to ask that.

Sal asked if they spit or swallow. They said it depends. Sal said they are wonderful parents. Howard asked if Christine gives her tips on what to do with her husband. Sarah said she tells her how to keep it interesting. Ronnie thought this woman was awesome talking about all of this stuff.

Christine said that men need sex at least 2 or 3 times a week. She said that her husband is older than her and she will do what she needs to do to keep him happy. Sarah said she does the same thing for her husband. She said she'll give him road head at times. Christine said she'll use a vibrator on herself in the car too. She said she has done that and showed the truckers her tits.

Christine said one of her daughter's boyfriends was coming on to her too. Howard said that must be annoying. Sarah said she gets it. She said they had broken up though so it was okay. Christine said that she didn't do anything because she loves her daughter. Sal said she should have had a threesome. Christine said Sal would never do that. She said he'd be scared. Sal said he'll take her home now. Howard said these women are very open and honest.

Howard said the first mom and daughter were great too. Howard asked if they give road head too. They said they do.

Howard said they have to judge them so they have to take off their robes. Howard had the mother looks amazing. He said she has the body of a 19 year old. Howard said it's unbelievable. Howard said she is in some shape. Howard said she's standing next to her daughter and that's not easy to do. Howard said she is very attractive. Howard asked JD what he thinks. JD said they have to turn around. He had to see their asses. Howard asked if they were nervous. They weren't as nervous as they thought they'd be. Howard and the guys told Sarah not to get implants. Howard said she looks great. Ronnie said little ones are good too.

Sal said it's like when they pull the curtain and you see a new car on the Price is Right. Ronnie said this is a good day.

Howard said that they have to judge the women now. Sal wanted to get the two mothers to make out. Howard said that's not the contest. Howard asked if the moms were into each other. They weren't into girls at all so they weren't really into that.

Howard said this is important because it's a $5,000 prize. Howard said they have two mother/daughter teams and they have to give them some scores. Howard said that they have Buffie and Lexus and on the other hand Christine and Sarah. Howard said they're shocking that they're mother and daughter. Howard said they are very sexually liberated women.

Howard said he's not going to put Robin on the spot yet. He asked JD who he thinks gets the money. JD said that Christine and Sarah are both hot. He said that their story makes him want to vote for them but he's going with Buffie and Lexus because he thinks they're hotter. they thanked him for that. JD said ''No, thank you ladies!''

Howard said he's going to Ronnie next. Ronnie has established himself as an expert on women. Howard asked what he thinks. Ronnie said that the second group has great stories. He said that their masturbation stories are so good Sal was rubbing himself and getting turned on. He said that they're going by looks and hotness and he has to go with Buffie and Lexus.

Howard said Robin is next. Howard said she's on the spot now. Robin said she loved everyone and she thought they were wonderful. Robin said that she has to agree with Ronnie and JD. Gary said that the mother and daughter are holding hands. Buffie said this is a fun experience. She said just being there alone is a wonderful experience.

Howard asked Sal what his vote is. Sal said he agrees that physically the blondes are beautiful. He said they have the same vaginas and he finds that fascinating. He said the second couple were great too. He said the hotness comes to attitude with him too. He said he has to give them a vote.

Howard said it's irrelevant what he says now. The winners are Buffie and Lexus. Howard said Christine looks disappointed. She said it's hard. Howard said they may have something for them too. Howard said that they have $5,000 for the winners. Howard said that they have porn star Julia Ann there to give them their prize. Howard asked her what kind of movies she's been in. Gary said she was on the show many years ago with Janine Lindemulder and the had a movie called Blondage.

Sal said he has cash in his hand if the porn star will make out with the losing mom. He had a dollar in his hands. There were no takers. Howard said Julia is a beautiful woman too. Julia presented them with their check for being the hottest mom and daughter.

Howard said CougarLife.com is very generous and they have a parting gift of $500 for the losing mom and daughter. Howard said they are all very brave for coming in. He thanked them for that. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

A-Rod Discussions. 01/14/14. 9:15am
After the break Howard came right back and said the birthday bash is getting closer and closer. He said he was reading an article about the party and some of the guests that are scheduled. Howard said he is only telling you about 1/10th of the people he knows about. Howard said there are some they can't talk about until after the show. He said it's a big deal.

Howard said they have more tickets to give away and you can find out how to win those on his web site. Howard said they're auctioning off a pair of tickets too. He said they only have a few more to give away to fans. He said that he has to ask the people to stop asking Gary for tickets. Howard said they just don't have any to give. Howard said they only have 1,500 seats and that goes fast. Howard said they wanted to have the fans there and not just the big shots.

Howard said that was one freaky contest they just had. Robin said she didn't believe she had to be a part of it. Howard said it was awesome. He said Sal was really turned on. JD and Ronnie were too. Howard said JD has already moved to Utah.

Howard said he is sickened by this A-Rod story. He said that he's not a fan of baseball but he is a fan of entertainment and he truly believes that the only reason they're doing this is to get out of paying his contract. Howard said he met A-Rod once and got a hand shake from him. He said he didn't have a conversation with him though. He said he doesn't really know the guy but it's so apparent to him that the Yankees just don't want to pay him. Howard said he's been a victim of this. He said they just back out of contracts and don't pay. He said that they know what they're getting into and they end up firing him over some FCC thing and blame it on that.

Robin said A-Rod is suing MLB and the union. Howard said he should. Howard said if they're going to look the other way with everyone else in the league and pick on just one then he should sue. Howard said they're going to fuck this guy over and the other players think it won't happen to them. Howard said it will happen to them too. Howard said it happened to him when he was on in Washington DC. He said he was on DC101 and they stopped paying him when he was going to go to WNBC. Howard said he went to the union and they decided they didn't like his style of broadcasting. Howard said he got a lawyer and sued the union. Howard said they ended up changing their story and ended up paying him. Howard said even if this happened to his worst enemy he'd be on their side. He said that these baseball players are all a bunch of pussies. Howard said they all have contracts and they have to honor them. Howard said that's the way it has to be.

Gary asked if Howard really thinks the Yankees knew what he was doing. Howard said they had to. He said just look at the guy and you see he looks like Beetlejuice with the giant body and tiny head. Howard said baseball knows about it and they will continue to let them do it. Howard said this is all about the Yankees not wanting to pay A-Rod. Howard said that's all it is.

Howard said that he's just telling it the way it is. Gary said the only people supporting A-Rod are Howard and Mike Francesa. Fred said he is too. Benjy got in on it and said he is too. Howard said that's enough of that. He said once Benjy gets involved then he's done.

Robin's News. 01/14/14. 9:25am
Howard said it's time for news. Fred played her into the news with a song parody. Robin said they have a do it yourself dementia test. Howard said he'd rather not know. He said he thinks that his parents are doing fine. Robin said she has a shot at Alzheimer's because her dad had it. Robin said they developed a simple test that tests language, reasoning and memory. Robin said it can be done at home online or on paper.

Howard said he was named the most fuckable man in America and now people look at him differently. Howard said he always thought he would receive that title but not until every other man on the planet was dead. He said he's very pleased about that.

Howard said he got a lot of email about Robin speaking Klingon. Howard said they love it. Howard said he played some clips yesterday of her singing some songs. Howard said she really does speak it well. Howard said maybe she's really a Klingon. Howard said she's the only human who has ever thrived on radiation and Chemo.

Robin read the story about Kim Kardashian and Kanye West getting into a fight with a man in front of a Chiropractor's office. Howard said he doesn't advocate hitting anyone but provoking someone like this guy did might have deserved it. Robin said the man has pressed charges on Kanye for assaulting him. Robin said the 18 year old is looking to press charges. Robin said that there is something called provocation and she hopes this comes into play.

Howard said it's remarkable to him that Pam Anderson has married all of her husbands twice. He said that she hasn't learned a fucking thing. He said it's remarkable. Robin said she was married to Rick Soloman for 2 months the first time.

Robin read about Octomom being charged with welfare fraud after receiving payments while on welfare. Robin said she didn't report that income. Howard said the thing that drives him nuts is that she refused help from people when she started in with this whole thing. Howard said she said she was going to do it all on her own but she blew it. Howard said it makes him mad. Robin asked who is going to take care of the kids if she goes to jail. Howard said that's what he's saying. Howard did a live commercial read after that.

Robin read about Diane Keaton accepting Woody Allen's award at the Golden Globes. Robin said they weren't talking about how this affects Ronan and Mia Farrow. Howard said Mia is a great woman. Howard said it's hard to overlook the craziness of Woody's life. Robin said that Ronan was wondering if they mentioned that Woody had molested a 7 year old girl in that speech. Robin said that one of his daughters says that he touched her inappropriately when she was a child. Robin said Woody has always denied that this went on and no charges were ever brought against him.

Robin read a story about the show Teen Mom and how they've had many teens that go through child birth and trying to manage a life. Robin said a couple of economists did a study and found that the program has led to a nearly 6 percent reduction in teen birth rate. Howard said thank god because how can you watch that show and thinks it's pleasant being a teen mom. Howard said they end up giving up their own lives to raise a kid. Robin said they say that kids are seeing what other kids are going through and they don't want to go through it themselves.

Howard took a call from a woman who said that Howard mentioned Robert Downey Jr. yesterday and said he can do no wrong. She said that Howard said the one who can do no wrong. She said he can sing and do interviews and he's on AGT. Howard said that's very true. She wanted to play a game to win tickets to the birthday bash. Howard said he gave her a studio tour yesterday. She said she did get that but she really wanted tickets. Howard said he's taking away the studio tour if she plays this. She sounded like she was fine with that. Howard asked if she'll hang up if she loses. The caller, Shelly, said she would do that.

Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather have sex in a small car or a public bathroom. Shelly asked Fred what he thinks. Fred said the bathroom because there's more room in there. Howard said he'd say the car. Shelly said she's going with the bathroom. Howard locked her in but asked if she wanted to change her answer. She said she's sticking with the bathroom. Howard played Ronnie's answer which was the small car. Ronnie said it's hard to do but it can work out pretty well. Howard said Shelly must have hung up. She was still there. She said she was on hold since 6:30. Howard said he told her he was taking the tour away. She asked him to let her have the tour. Howard said this is what he wants to avoid. Gary said there is no avoiding. He told Howard to just hang up. Gary kept saying no. He said it's not right. Shelly said that she'll never call again if she can have the tour. Fred kept playing a buzzer over her. Ronnie came in and said she's not a fan of the show so hang up on her. Howard kept her on. Ronnie told her she fucked up so hang up. Shelly refused to hang up. Ronnie said she's not getting the tour. Howard said this is annoying him. He said she promised not to put him through this. She begged him to let her have the tour. Howard wouldn't hang up on her. Gary said there is no other game show where this happens. She eventually hung up after saying peace and love. Howard said he loves this woman and the fans but there has to be a game. Howard said that's why he asks people to hang up for him. He said they just don't do it. Howard said all of society is crumbling over the birthday show. Howard went into a live commercial read after that.

Robin read a story about some motorcycle riders that took over a road in Manhattan. Robin said they stopped traffic and did stunts in the street until the police arrived. Robin said she's not sure what's going on with these people. Howard said he's not sure why they have to ride in groups. He said he's not sure why you need 500 other people with you. He said if he goes for a drive or a bike ride he might go with his wife or alone. Robin said they were doing this to commemorate a friend that had died. Howard said he doesn't get it. Robin said they were doing wheelies and burning rubber and things like that.

Howard took a call from Wolfie who said he finally made it to the Three Stooges museum. Howard said he heard the tape. He said the guy there was answering questions as if he was in the Three Stooges. Wolfie said he even married Larry Fine's niece. Howard said you have to hear this guy. Gary told him where the clip was. Howard played the clip and the guy was answering the questions as if he were the Three Stooges. He'd do his Curly and Moe voices as he was answering these simple questions. Howard said he's not even good at it. Howard said he can do it better. He demonstrated by doing his Curly impression. Howard said he loves the Three Stooges. He asked Wolfie if he thinks he married the niece first or did he start the museum. Wolfie said he thinks he married her before. Howard said he'd be freaked out if he was Larry Fine's niece.

Wolfie asked if he can get into the birthday show. Howard said they just don't have the seats. Wolfie said he knows it's hard to get in on this thing. Gary said he was at the Christmas party and his wife was telling him to stop bothering him. Gary said they were both pretty drunk. Howard said Gary had to ask if his wife could come to the show. Gary said she's on standby. Gary said that someone there asked if someone should be at the show and he will write it down for Howard to see. Howard checked out the name and Gary said he can't even say why this person would need to be there. Robin thought it was Dan the Song Parody Man. Gary said he can say he doesn't have a ticket for him. Wolfie said he told Gary that he'd interview fans and work that night. Gary said they have the whole news staff working on that. Howard said this guy should be at the birthday show but he may not be able to go. Howard said he thinks that Wolfie should be there before that guy. Robin asked who that guy is. Howard wasn't saying.

Howard said you have to understand why they can't give tickets to everyone. He said they need tickets for the fans. Gary said that he gets calls asking for tickets since they're giving them away on the air. He said that's all they can do though.

Howard asked what Richard and Sal are doing at the show. Gary said he has an idea for them. He said they have a great bit for JD to do there too. Howard said he feels stupid making Wolfie play for tickets. He said he feels bizarre doing this. Howard said he can play a game to win though. Howard said he has to hang up if he doesn't get it. Wolfie had no problem with that.

Howard said he's running out of Ronnie stuff. Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather have a blow job or a hand job with lube. Wolfie said he has to be a blow job. Howard said it has to be. Howard said he should be winning a ticket. Howard played the answer and Ronnie went with the blow job and she has to swallow or he'd smack her on the back of the head. Howard said Wolfie is in. Wolfie said that people can call in and wait on hold.

Howard said that Fred and Benjy will be on stage with them at the show. Gary said that Shuli told him that Ass Napkin Ed thinks he's in and he wants 7 extra tickets. Shuli came in and told Howard that he needs them for robots that are going to come in and perform for Howard. Howard said that he loves Ed. He said he heard him on Leiberman Live and he's great. Howard said Jon Leiberman does the news at 4:45 every afternoon and you have to hear it. Howard said it's a quick 15 minute show and they have Wack Packers commenting on the news. Howard said Ed doesn't understand a question that Jon asks. Howard played a clip of Jon asking Ed about unemployment. Ed didn't hear what he was saying about the story. Ed kept asking questions when Jon would ask him about the numbers. Howard said you just want to shake him. Jon kept trying with the question but Ed didn't know what he was talking about again. Then he was trying to say that he doesn't live in the United States.

Shuli said that they renovated the lobby there and he saw something out there that he had to show Howard. He had a picture of high Pitch Eric sitting out there with his huge belly sticking out. Howard said he's gotten way fatter. Howard said he can't answer any questions either. Howard played a clip of Eric trying to talk about the news. Howard said that must frustrate Jon. He said he tries to talk politics and things and these guys don't have a clue. Howard said Leiberman looks like he's ready to kill himself.

Shuli said that Eric will call him 10 times a day and he never leaves a message. Then he picks up on the 11th one and he just says he's calling because he misses him.

Howard said he heard that they wanted to get Underdog Lady (Suzanne Muldowney) to come to the birthday show. Shuli said he thinks he has her in the mindset that it won't be like the old days. Howard said he has some audio of her talking to Shuli and she ends up singing to him. Shuli said she was singing about the dead. Howard played the clip and Underdog was singing in an awful way.

Howard said Shuli was talking to Underdog about the birthday show and she started freaking out. Underdog said it was that day, January 31, in 1992 when she went on Howard's show. She said that's terrible. Howard said that's why he's having the show that day. He said that date is engrained in her. Howard said that Shuli asked her to sing after that and then she gives an answer you'd never expect. Howard played another clip and Shuli told her that he'd be by her side the entire time at the show. Underdog asked why Howard would want her to sing and not dance. Shuli told her that she can do both.

Shuli said they had Underdog on Superfan roundtable once and Jim Florentine and Don Jamieson were on telling dick jokes. He came in and defended her and that's the day that she fell for him.

Howard said Underdog mentioned Jimmy Kimmel being part of the show. Shuli said she brought it up out of nowhere. Underdog Lady was talking about how much she likes Jimmy and how she'd like to be on his show again. Shuli told her that she could see him at the birthday show. She didn't want to see him there though.

Howard played another clip of Shuli talking to Underdog about her doody problems. She said she has to wear protective clothing and she takes some pills for that. Howard said he really loves her. Shuli said that she was saying that Underdog doesn't sing. He said he told her that she also plays Shelly the South Shore Mermaid so she could sing as that character.

Howard said he has the clip of Underdog on Jimmy Kimmel. Howard said he didn't have time for it but he ended up playing some of it.

Howard said that he didn't know Jimmy had her on the show. Howard said it sounds like the audience didn't know what to do. Howard played some of Underdog Lady talking about figure jogging and how she wants to make it a sport so they can get it into the Olympics eventually. Howard asked Shuli if he'll be at the birthday show. Shuli said of course he will. He said someone has to wrangle all of these people. Howard said Suzanne is the best.

Robin read a story about a guy who shot and killed a man in a movie theater. Robin said that this man shot a man and woman when the guy was texting during the previews. Robin said this was a former police officer who went to see the movie and ended up shooting this guy. Robin said this guy wanted to hear the previews and not the people. Robin said the guy was armed and he shot them. Robin said they'll have to see what happens now.

Robin said they have the 9-1-1 calls from the Short Hills mall where a man was shot and killed when his car was being car jacked. Robin said the ambulance took a long time to get there and that's why people are wondering where the ambulance is. Robin had a clip of a woman talking about how it had been 30 minutes since they called the ambulance. Howard said they were having a hard time getting the ambulance under something in the parking lot. Howard said it took like 40-something minutes to get to the guy. Howard said the guy bled out. Howard said a lot of shit is going to fly over that.

Robin read about some awards that GM got at the North American International Auto Show this year. Robin said they're really rebuilding the company and doing well. They wrapped up and ended the show around 10:20am.

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-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

Wrap Up Show - Birthday Show Discussions. 01/14/14. 10:25am
Jon Hein started the show talking about the people who played for birthday show tickets today. Jon said that you have to hang up if you lose. He said Howard can't hang up because he feels bad. Gary said there is no other game show where you get to haggle. Jon said Howard often gives a second chance. Gary said they can't do that with something so valuable. Jon said it's a big, big prize. Gary said that people get upset if you give them a second chance. He said you can never make everyone happy.

Jon said that once you say no then it's over. He asked JD if that's the case. JD said he did that to Ronnie's radio show and since then it's been ''Fuck it JD.''

Jon said they understand everyone wants to come to the show. He said if you play and lose you just hang up the phone. He said if you win then they'll see them there. Jon said that's the fans and now there are people who are friends and guests of the show who want to come.

Gary said that his brother asked where his tickets were. He said he can't even give them to him. JD said he had the same conversation with his dad. He said he thinks that he can get him in since he got him into AGT. Gary said they have more flexibility with AGT. Gary said they gave almost all of the tickets to the fans. He said the fans that didn't get them are mad. He said that someone who interned for them 30 years ago emailed him and said she thought that she won. Gary said that she actually did win. He said he thought she was pulling his leg.

Jon said that it's very tough to win tickets. Gary said that they are auctioning off tickets. He said that is an option but that's for the one percent.

Jon said they brought up JD and what he'll be wearing to the birthday show. JD said he'll wear a suit but he was going to wear sneakers. JD said he would rather do that than wear dress shoes. He said he's not a dress shoe guy. Jon said they got him nice shoes to wear though. JD said he knows that. He said he would wear them to a wedding or something. He said he might be running around that night.

Jon asked if the suit fitting him is a concern. JD said it is. He said he will try it on today. He wore the suit to the Gravity premiere and that was the last time he had it on. He said that was months ago so it may not fit.

Jon asked JD what's going on that he's under so much stress. JD said he's moving so that's stressful. He said he's moving closer to work so that should cut down on stress. JD said he has a lot of things he has to move and trash to get rid of. JD said he had to cancel his cable and internet and it's been very stressful. Gary said that's life. JD said he knows and that's why he doesn't go out.

Gary said he hopes he's not moving on Super Bowl weekend. JD said he's not but he may have to do some cleaning that weekend. He said he wants to get some new furniture for the new place. Gary asked if he's hiring a mover. JD said he is. Gary told him not to hire someone he gets off a telephone pole. JD said he got a number from Will so he should be fine. Jon asked JD what else is bothering him. He said he seems annoyed. JD said he's fine.

Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they're hearing things about people selling tickets online. Gary said he has seen people selling tickets and they don't exist. He said don't buy a ticket if you see them for sale online. He said they don't have physical tickets. Gary said that the tickets are not transferable.

Jon took a call from a guy who said he wanted to talk to Howard about the A-Rod deal. He said there were 13 guys who were suspended so it wasn't just him. He said that he was trying to get through to win tickets too. He said he was about 2 seconds away from throwing his radio out the window when that guy James lost again. He said hew as crying like a girl on the phone and he's sick and tired of that. He said that Howard has given these people multiple chances. He thanked the guys for yelling at that woman to hang up since she wouldn't get off the phone.

Jon said Ronnie was against giving anyone a ticket if they lost. Ronnie said that's what would happen if he called in. He said everyone should get that treatment. Jon asked Ronnie about the game they played today where they asked this or that with Ronnie's answers. Ronnie said that guy James should have won. He said he really blew it. Jon thought Ronnie was kind of angry today but Ronnie said he's fine. Gary said he felt that Ronnie and JD were both on edge too. Jon said maybe it's after that contest they judged today. Gary said that was Sal being a little bit reeled in today. He said that he told Sal to ''sort of'' be himself. Jon asked how quick he had his hand in his pants. Ronnie said his hand was in his pocket. He said it wasn't down his pants.

They talked about how Sal voted today and it was for the woman's filthy mind and not for her looks. Ronnie said it was the hottest mom and daughter contest and the pair that won were the hottest. Ronnie said the stories the other ones were telling were good stories but he thought they were trying to get one over on them. Ronnie said the 48 year old asked him if he would date her even though she's not that young. Ronnie said he said he sure would.

JD said he was more attracted to the blondes. He said that's why he voted for them. Gary said Sal was very funny when he said he had leakage in his pants. He said he came up with that very quickly. The guys figured he didn't have to make that up. He probably was leaking. Jon said that Sal seemed to be the creepiest of the guys in there today.

Benjy said he heard there was a last minute phone call from the daughter's husband. Gary said he thinks that he knew she was there but it was just sinking in. JD said he thought that she was saying that he didn't know she was going to be naked.

Jon and the guys were talking about JD's weight again and how well they treated him when they bought him the suit. They had to take a break after that.

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Wrap Up Show - Michael Ian Black. 01/14/14. 10:55am
After the break Jon brought up Michael Ian Black and how they were talking about how people think he's gay when he's not. Gary said he never thought he was. Jon said Michael always thinks that no one is going to like what he's in. Gary said that he isn't a huge name but people who are into comedy are really into him. He said he reads his tweets and his book and he thinks he's very funny.

Benjy said he never thought he was gay. He said that he does cross his legs in a way that's kind of feminine. He said he has good skin and he's thin so he has kind of effeminate qualities. He wondered what he meant when he said he doesn't make money with his books. He said he's wondering how much isn't a lot of money. Gary said he may make 25 grand but he's not going to work every day. He said that there may be a lot of little things that he does and makes money that way.

Jon said that Michael almost had the job hosting the Late Late Show. He said he almost got the job but missed out on it. Gary said that has to hurt. He said he was talking about Peter Lassally and he's a big guy in the late night world. He said that he told him to wait by his phone so that was a good sign for him.

Jon asked Ronnie about what Michael was saying about how you get anal. Ronnie said he heard some of that but he's going about it the wrong way. He said that you can't do it the way he was saying. He said you have to do it the way he does it. He said you have to work your way into it. Benjy said he thought that's what he was doing. Ronnie said you can't just go for it. He said you really have to work into it. He said that it may take an hour or more to get in there. Ronnie said you have to make sure she takes a shower first.

Jon took a call from a guy who asked Ronnie if he's going to stop in the middle of that whole thing and make the chick take a shower. Gary said that a woman may have to work the whole day and then drop a deuce. Ronnie said you can tell if a girl took a dump. He said some girls clean up really good. Ronnie said he can tell if a girl is clean. He said ''She doesn't smell, dude.'' Ronnie said that you can smell if there's something going on down there. Jon asked how long his full session might be. Ronnie said it could be 10 minutes. He said that a good night could go from 45 minutes to over an hour. Gary said he's not married so that's why it goes on that long. Ronnie said he's been with this girl for 7 years almost.

Jon asked Ronnie about Eric the Actor blaming Johnny Fratto for not coming to the birthday show. Gary said he wanted Eric to come. He said it would have been a pain in the ass for him but he wanted him there. He said Jimmy Kimmel wanted him there too. Gary said they discussed having him fly in with balloons but they figured it would just be fun to have him there. Gary said he had a nice conversation with him. He said it won't be happening now because the airline needs 3 weeks notice to make things happen for Eric and it's too late now. Jon said Eric could have made this happen. Gary said he would have made the attempt if Eric had gotten back to him in time.

Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Ronnie's girlfriend got upset with him about him talking about all of this sex stuff. Ronnie said that he's just answering questions. He said she's not upset about it at all.

Another caller said she wanted to comment on Ronnie too. She said he sounds so gross. Ronnie said that's fine. He told her to go ahead. She said he sounds disgusting and gross. Ronnie didn't seem to care. She said she finds it hard to believe any woman wants to spend any time with him. Ronnie said he can tell that she's the kind of woman who just lays there and wants to get sex over with.

Jon asked Ronnie about this intuition he has about women. He said he jumped to that conclusion quickly. Ronnie said people enjoy sex and they won't call in and say you're gross. Gary said that they don't know if he's correct about her. Gary said that she could enjoy sex. Ronnie said she may but in her own way. Ronnie said that's the way he felt about her.

Jon and Gary asked Lisa about the time Ronnie kissed her. Lisa said Ronnie had soft lips. She said she was surprised. Lisa said that she's not sure about his intuition. Ronnie said he stands by everything he said. Jon asked if she was repulsed by Ronnie. Lisa said it's the way he goes about it. She said it's not as tactful as some people want to hear. Ronnie said that he's just telling it the way he experienced it. He said he has never had a complaint about this stuff.

Ronnie said that he didn't want to get really graphic but when a girl shoots her load you know about it. He said he can tell when she's faking. He said it gets all over you. He said when a girl cums you know it because it's all over you. Jon said some of that is him though. Ronnie said he knows that. He said he's not denying that.

Ronnie said he has had girls do it right on his finger. He said that has happened before. Jon asked how often that happens. Ronnie said it's not that often. He said he's had girls cum 3 or 4 times in a session. Jon said no one is questioning his ability. Ronnie said he's just answering the questions.

Jon asked Lisa what they have coming up in the Howard 100 News today. Lisa ran down a quick list of the stories they had coming up. They ended the show a short time later around 11:10am.

Benjy's Diet. 01/15/14. 6:00amShow opening bits and songs included: A Jerky Boys prank call to a diamond dealer, an Evil Dave audio clip where he can't pronounce ''fellatio,'' The Fab Faux performing ''Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band'' and ''A Day in the Life'' live in the Howard Stern Show studio.

Howard started the show talking about the great Rob Zombie as he was coming in to his show opening song ''The Great American Nightmare.'' Howard said he was preparing for the show and someone told him that Robin was nominated for a NAACP award. Robin said she had no idea. Howard said someone wrote about it and he thought it was a joke. Howard said he went to the NAACP web site where they list the award nominees under books. Robin's book was nominated. Howard said he's feeling this could eclipse his ''America's Most Fuckable'' win. He said he went from being in her corner to not being in it. Howard said she stole his thunder with that.

Howard said Robin was nominated and he's the most fuckable man in America. Howard said Fred has won a bunch of games. He said Benjy just sits with all of the winners. He said somehow it will rub off on him. He said he'll see eventually.

Robin said she sent Howard an email and Dr. Agus was going to put her book in his waiting room. Robin said he has the book there now. Howard said he knew all about it. He said he went to the same restaurant that Robin went to one day and he heard that she was there with Dr. Agus.

Howard said the mother/daughter contest went so well yesterday that they're going to move the whole show to Utah. He said both sets of mother and daughter were from Utah. Howard said if they did a show from Utah they'd have Robin naked and masturbating. Robin said that's the state that's the most repressed and look at what the people are doing. Robin said they wouldn't let them broadcast there but look what's happening. Howard said the more you oppress people the more they'll act out.

Howard said they were in the middle of that contest yesterday and Sal showed compassion for the people who didn't get one vote. Howard said he almost changed his vote so they could have a vote. Robin said she thinks he's right. She said he gave his vote to them so they'd have one. Howard said that Sal gave a mercy vote and it's that kind of horny compassion that moves him. Robin said that Sal did enjoy their story about the mom teaching the daughter to use a vibrator.

Howard said he was talking to Benjy about the birthday show and he's freaking out about the dress code. Howard said he has some belly on him right now. He said he was stretching yesterday and his belly came out of his shirt. He said he has a whole display when he does that. Benjy said he'll wear a tux or a suit to the show. Howard said that's his best look. He said he won't be down to 180 pounds by then.

Benjy said he's going to start a fast today. Howard said he's down to his goal weight and he thinks that fasting is not the answer. Howard said it is so simple to do. He said he has to turn off that mechanism that makes him snack. Benjy said he has no problem with the regular meals he's eating. Howard said he has to cut back on that too. Benjy said he gorges on food. Howard said he understands that. Benjy said he did that last night. Howard said he used to do that too.

Howard said he went to dinner with two great guys that he's not going to name. Howard said he had a great meeting last night. He said he can't say who they are though. He said he has a vision for his future. He said that he may run out of time to make it all happen though. He said he needs time for all of this stuff.

Benjy asked how long it would take for Howard to get into his body and make him into what he wants to be. Howard said he'd need a year to make it great.

Howard said he went out last night for dinner and started off with sparkling water. He said he has a couple of glasses of that and he's ready to leave. Then he had a cauliflower salad. He said it has sauce all over it. He said he had Arctic Char for dinner and then had two sides. It was Brussels sprouts and a mixed vegetable thing. Howard said he could have had dessert but he didn't. He said the party was over and he went home. He said he could have had some fruit but he said that was it. He said he got into bed and that was it. He said you can't eat late.

Benjy said he doesn't eat out of hunger. He said he just gorges. Howard said he has to say no to food. He said he doesn't need to fast. He said he can enjoy a meal. He said he just can't eat so much.

Howard said for breakfast he had an egg white wrap. He said he ripped most of the bread away. He said he had some fruit and he'll be don until 10. He said he has grilled salmon and 1/4 of a potato for lunch at 10. He said that he will get hungry around 3 and he'll have an apple. Howard said that works to fill you up. Then he'll go out to dinner or eat at home. Howard told Benjy to stop gorging.

Howard said he used to have tons of nuts and fruit at night. He said he thought he was hungry. Howard said he would convince himself he needed that to get to sleep. He said he just stopped it. Benjy said he realized that it's like sex. Howard said he doesn't need that much sex. He said he was on fire with that. He said he calmed down when he realized he didn't need it so much.

Howard said Benjy just has to do what he does and he'll be fine. He said if everyone did that then the whole world would be great. Howard told Benjy he doesn't care how good he feels. Howard said you don't feel good from fasting. He said if he did he'd be doing that right now.

Robin said that it's about breaking habits and that's what he has to do. Howard said if he was a smoker and he asked him to smoke one right now, he'd do it. Howard said that's what this is like. Howard said he doesn't like lifting weights but he forces himself to do it. Howard said Benjy yoyos with his weight and that's because he fasts and then eats. He said he shouldn't do that. Howard said he's spent too much time talking about this already. He said he should listen to him and be smart. He said if he listens to himself then he'd dopey.

Howard said he's on this site as the most fuckable on BachelorUncut.com. Howard said that people say they've never heard of it. Howard said that's ridiculous. He said that the site is very popular.

Howard said Pizza Hut is selling pizza by the slice. Robin wondered who would want that. Howard said you can order the shittiest pizza by the slice.

Birthday Bash Discussions, Hanzi And More. 01/15/14. 6:25am
Howard said he got an email the other night from Harvey Weinstein. Howard said he's like a god in the entertainment business. Howard said that Harvey wants to come on the show and tell people how great this Julia Roberts / Meryl Streep movie is. Howard said he told Gary that he has to change his email address so he won't be bothered like this. He said that Harvey is going to come in there and tell them about this movie. Howard said he thinks he's going to tell them how people in Hollywood are scum bags for not nominating the movie. Howard said after Harvey they'll have Judge JD picking someone to get tickets to the Birthday Bash tickets. Howard played a People's Court theme with a JD impersonator mumbling along to the music.

Howard said there are a couple of ways to still win tickets to the birthday show. Howard said that one of them is an auction and the money goes to charity.

Howard said he was reading an article about the upcoming birthday bash. Howard said that they have a picture of the great Jimmy Kimmel and himself. Howard said that they were writing about how old he is but he won't mention that. Howard said it makes him seem old but he's really hip and young. He said he feels like 30. Robin said 60 is the new 30. Howard said ''How dare you...''

Howard read the article about the birthday bash and how they're very hard to come by. Howard said that this will make Gary's life a little easier. He said Gary was quoted about the tickets that people are selling online that aren't real. There are no hard printed tickets out there.

Howard said that Hanzi got a big write up in this article. He picked up the phone and told him about that. They played his new song parody about his name being Imran Khan. Howard read the article to Hanzi and told him about that. They were talking about how he needs permission from his parents to come to the show.

Hanzi said he's glad he's getting some notice. Howard said he got some email about Hanzi. He said people are saying that they're sick of him being on the air every day. Howard read about the same thing he does every day and how sick of it these people are. Howard said they want him to stop it. Hanzi said he hopes the guy jumps out of a window or something.

Hanzi said that he gave Wolfie tickets and he was going to do that either way. Howard said he did not. He said he played the game fairly and won. Hanzi said he's a contributor to the show. Hanzi said he has done that for years but he doesn't get tickets. Howard said he's in if he gets that note from his mommy or daddy. Howard said he can walk into his mommy's bedroom right now and get to the birthday show. Hanzi said this is going to cost money. Howard said he can come if he brings his mommy. He said if he wasn't mental it would be a different story.

Howard said he doesn't want to be responsible for what Hanzi does at the party. He said he doesn't want to worry about him. He said he needs him to bring his mommy with him. Hanzi said he can handle it on his own and he doesn't want his mom there. Howard said the audience wants to see him. He said he needs his dad or mom to come with him. Hanzi said he doesn't want either one of them to come.

Gary came in and asked Hanzi not to yell at him. He asked him whose day it is. Hanzi told him to shut up and get out of the studio. Howard said he has a good point.

Howard said the woman who wrote the article about Hanzi is on the phone. That's Marianne Garvey. Marianne said that she was dying laughing writing this article. She said she knew he'd go crazy after reading this article. Howard read more of the article where Marianne talked about some of the guests who will be there.

Hanzi said he actually asked Marianne to be his date but she blew him off. She said she actually said that she'd go if he got that note from his parents.

Howard said that Benjy tried to bang Marianne. Benjy said he did not. He said for a couple of months he had a crush but that was it.

Howard asked if Benjy and Marianne are still not speaking. Marianne said they still aren't speaking. Howard said that Benjy loves her. Marianne said they can't even talk rationally.

Benjy said something about how Marianne will do anything to get closer to Howard. Hanzi wanted to take her to the birthday show and wondered if he could get her. She's engaged.

Howard said Hanzi has to bring his mom to the show. He said this is getting boring and he has to just bring her or give up on this. Robin said he has sure tickets and he just has to do this one little thing. Robin said it's so simple and he's still screaming no. Hanzi said they know he's not going to do anything there. He said they're just doing this to embarrass him so people can make fun of him.

Howard said no one there is going to cast any aspersions if he brings his mom. Howard said he has to do this. He said he loves him but he has to go. Howard said Marianne has even agreed to go with him. He said he could have a date with a beautiful girl with a good job. He said he trained her personally. Marianne said she has a VH1 talk show that's on hiatus until March. Howard said that Hanzi could get on VH1 if he went out with her. Hanzi said Howard is holding him back.

Howard said that he told him the parameters and this is just for his health. He said he's trying to be responsible there. Howard said that they don't know that he's not going to do something. Howard said he needs to bring his mom with him and he can go with Marianne. Marianne said she'll go if he gets the notarized note. Howard thanked her for the article and said goodbye to her. Howard said he can't let Hanzi come unless he brings his mom. Hanzi asked why he's doing this to him. Howard said he's doing it for his own good. He said he can't let him come without his parents. Marianne said that he has the easiest in. She said that it's easier for him to get in than anyone else.

Hanzi said they hold him back so much. He said that they didn't even let him on Best of 2013. Howard said he was trying to have an intelligent conversation with him but he can't do that. Howard asked Marianne what she'll wear for the show. She said she'll wear something fabulous. Howard asked if she'd have no panties on. She said he's going a little far now. Howard said maybe she'll wear a thong.

Howard said he really has a huge schedule today and he has to go. Hanzi said he needs 2 seconds. Howard counted down and Hanzi wasn't about to get out more than ''Hold on!''

Howard let Marianne go but Hanzi was still trying to talk. Howard hung up on him. He said he's not trying to be mean to the guy. He said he is telling you that he'd do this for any of his listeners. He said he feels he needs supervision. He said he can't have that responsibility. He said he couldn't live with himself if something happened to him. He said that would ruin the birthday. Howard said the party is going to be fabulous and he doesn't want to ruin it.

Howard said they have to take a break and then they'll get Harvey Weinstein in there and then do the Judge JD thing with the Wack Packers. They went to break a short time later.

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Harvey Weinstein Visits. 01/15/14. 6:50am
After the break we heard a prank call the guys made to a radio show using clips of Bobo talking about his liver problems. Fred also played Van Halen's ''Runnin' With the Devil'' and a Baba Booey song parody as they were coming back.

Howard came back and said in the next half hour or so you'll know how to make hit movies. He said that Harvey Weinstein is coming in and they'll figure this out. Howard said Harvey wants to yell about this movie he made with Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep. Howard said Meryl calls him god. Howard had the guys bring Harvey in. Howard said he wondered what god would look like and this is it.

Howard asked Harvey if he enjoys his job. Harvey said he does. Harvey said he likes to make movies and he would like to be called a film maker. Howard said he doesn't know how he picks these movies. Howard said he must get this stuff all day long. Howard said Harvey has made movies that he would have said he was out of his mind to make. Howard said the first one is The King's Speech. Howard said you'd think it would be an art film but it grossed $414 million. Howard said he has to be shocked by that. Harvey said he had his eye poked out when he was a kid. He said he wasn't able to go to school. He said he fell in love with books and he started reading. He said he reads two books a week. He said he could see in the script for King's Speech that it was there. He said it moved him emotionally and he knew it would move audiences. He said this whole mogul thing is bullshit. He said that's why he wrote to Howard.

Harvey said to get on the show he has to give Gary $100,000 in an envelope. Howard said he knows Harvey is an important guy. He said he knows he wants to berate someone about this movie ''August: Osage County'' because it's so good. Harvey said that the Academy Awards are like a stamp of approval. He said that a billion people watch the awards. He said they don't make Oscar bait but this is why he's on the show. He said the movie, ''August: Osage County'' had a great script. He said he wrote the script thinking he'd never see the money again. He said the movie was 3 and a half hours long and people went to see it anyway.

Howard asked how many scripts he reads a week. Harvey said he reads 5 or 6 but the company reads maybe 100. Harvey said he'll tell him a story that he's never told. He said he had a script called Good Will Hunting years ago. He said that they needed 1 million dollars to make the movie. Harvey said he walked in and had a meeting with Kevin Smith and someone else. He said at one point there was a blow job scene. He said they put that scene in the movie to test the movie studio heads. They were wondering who read the script and he was the only one who noticed it. He said that's how the movie got made.

Howard said he was reading about how Brad Grey must be reading the scripts too because he got a bunch of movies made. Harvey said Brad reads everything. He said he comes from the old school movie making. He said he's a fantastic executive.

Howard said Harvey has a great track record. He mentioned the Kill Bill movies and how much money they made. Howard said that he can't imagine handing that money to Quentin Tarantino because it seems so off the wall. Harvey said he read the script and it was 216 pages long. He said that he told Quentin thought it was too long but he told him to make it into two movies. He said Quentin didn't want to do that but he eventually saw the light and he knew where to break it in two. Harvey said he had it exactly right and he never complained about the 216 page script. He said he just felt it was 2 movies.

Howard said the movie business is like gambling. He said that it can all just screw up. He said it must be heart breaking. Harvey said that you can have a great script and it can go bad. Howard said he would never make the movie ''The Artist.'' He said that grossed $133 million. Howard said it didn't have a super hero or anything. Harvey said that he calls his people and says he wants to make a movie and tells them that it's going to be black and white. He said they're fine with that. Then he says it's in French but with English subtitles. He said then he tells them that it's going to be silent. He said that they brought him to the board of directors after that. He said he didn't even know they had a board of directors. He said they weren't sure this would work. He said they challenged him on that one. He said he just had an instinct for it.

Howard said he had to talk to Harvey about Django Unchained. Howard said it grossed $425 million. Howard said he would have thought that was just a bullshit movie. He said he would never imagine it would make that kind of money. Harvey said that Quentin is just great. He said that he's a director he would bet on blind. He said he's just got it.

Howard said he would imagine that a lot of studios turned down a lot of these movies. Harvey said that they do.

Howard asked if he's ever had the board of directors turn him down to do something. Harvey said they had the Lord of the Rings movie script. He said that when the opportunity came to make this he wanted to work with Universal. He said they dropped out of the project because it was going to cost $180 million to make the three. He said he had to write a check for $10 million to develop some technology for the battle scenes. Harvey said that Disney ended up backing out of the whole thing. He said that it was Michael Eisner didn't think anyone would go see it. Harvey said he showed them the special effects and they did an animatic where they show a cartoon of the entire story. He said that they proved they could do it and they still said no.

Howard said a lot of people would have balked at the price tag for that. Harvey said he didn't think it was that big of a gamble. He said they could have stopped after the first. Harvey said he convinced Michael to do it and it turns out the gamble worked out. He said Disney got half of the gross. He said it probably made them $100 million. He said the three movies grossed around $4 billion. Harvey said he probably got $60 million from that and he had to split that with his brother.

Howard said it must be hard to give half of that to Disney. Harvey said now they have The Hobbit and Warner Brothers doesn't want to do more than one movie. He said they're not calling the other two movies ''The Hobbit'' so they're going to have to sue. Howard said that must be irritating to the end. Howard said they're trying to fuck them out of the money. Harvey said it's probably going to take years to sue over that.

Howard asked Harvey how he got poked in the eye. He said he was playing Cowboys and Indians and he got poked in the eye. He said the vision has been restored over time. Howard asked if he could own a casino on a tribal property since he was playing an Indian. Harvey laughed.

Howard asked Harvey about the Academy shortening the time that he can campaign for a movie because he had gotten so good at it. Harvey said nothing really got shortened. He said they hate the Golden Globes so they make the announcements tomorrow and they won't make any difference with the nominations. He said that the idea is that the Globes work as the biggest party and the Oscar are the most prestigious.

Howard said it must be like being the king to be there. Harvey said they had a few drinks there. He said Meryl Streep and Julia Roberts were there at the table. Howard said he had a party after the Golden Globes too. Harvey said that they don't compete when it comes to the awards. He said it's just a fun thing they do and it's a great way to get people together.

Howard asked about the movie ''Silver Linings Playbook'' and how good that did in the box office. Harvey said it made almost $250 million and it only cost 20 million to make. He said that he thinks the director of the movie is going to be one of the greats.

Harvey said that he read the book Silver Linings Playbook and he bought the rights to it. He said he hired David O. Russell to write it and then direct it. He said it's his project other than finding the book to base it on. Harvey said that he isn't a mogul. Howard said he loves to read and he knows how to pick the movies.

Howard asked Harvey about having a 1 year old at the age of 60. Harvey said that the kid travels everywhere with them. Howard said he has to imagine that every starlet in Hollywood wants to blow him. Harvey said it works that way for the actors. Howard said actresses could be made a star overnight. Harvey said the risks are too great and he can't do that. Howard said he's saying he can't just go into a room and pull down his pants and tell someone to do something to him. Harvey said there are some that may have done that but that's not what he does.

Howard said he knows some directors who have said the same thing. There's not that much of that going on. Harvey said there really isn't. He said there are so many great actresses who are in it for a cause. He said that Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron are in it for that. Howard said it must drive him insane when he can't get a starlet he wants for a movie. Harvey said he thinks that they can find someone new if they can't get the one they want. Harvey said with Silver Linings Playbook they wanted Anne Hathaway and they had her but David and Anne had a difference of opinions. He said that they had Jennifer Lawrence come in to replace her and it turns out she was an amazing actress.

Howard said that Harvey must be the one who goes in and talks to Anne and David about their differences. Harvey said he is the one. He said he had to talk to Gwyneth Paltrow and Matt Damon when they were shooting The Talented Mr. Ripley. He said he had to get her to stop fighting with the director. He said he has a great picture of him talking to her. He said that they did a great take for this scene. He said there are some big egos on the set.

Howard said it must be tough to do business with people. He said that he has to tell these people that they're costing him money. Harvey said he was working with Ellen Barkin on a movie and she was asking for this and that. He said that people were telling her that she didn't have to do this movie and they couldn't bring her all of this stuff. Harvey said she asked him where he was from. He told her about being born in Brooklyn and being raised in a rent controlled apartment. He said Ellen was from an even lower rent apartment near there. He said they started talking about that and by the time they were done Ellen was cooking for everyone on the set. He said that she had a complete turn around.

Howard asked if it's like parenting being in his role. Howard said he has to tell them it's enough of the bullshit. He said he doesn't want to lose his star with that kind of thing. Howard said he has to tell them that someone else is ready to step in. Harvey said he tries that with his kids but they don't want to hear it. He said he can't even get their attention when they're texting in the morning. He said they think he doesn't know what's going on with music and things like that. He said they try to tell him what books to read and what movies to make.

Harvey said he brought his 15 year old daughter to see August: Osage County and after it was over she held up 4 fingers and he had no idea what that meant. He said that she told him that no actress has ever gotten a fourth Oscar but she thought Meryl deserved it.

Howard asked what he wants to say to Hollywood about this movie. Harvey said that critics say that the play was a masterpiece and they didn't do the movie right. Harvey said the play was 3 and a half hours and they have a happy ending at the end of the movie. He said the playwright said that if he had a car he would have had the actress drive off stage. He said that's what they did in the movie and that's why it ends the way it does. Harvey said that people just don't get it.

Howard said Harvey gets hurt when the critics don't get it. Harvey said he's upset for the actors. He said that the critics point out the most ridiculous things. He said the director was a TV director but that doesn't matter. He said he directed West Wing and that was one of the greats that made other great TV shows happen.

Howard said TV is more exciting to be in than movies these days. He said that there are great shows like Breaking Bad and Dexter. Howard said he feels that's where his next play is. Harvey said they're doing it already. He said the critics can't turn you away from TV. He said you're going to watch it because you're not paying 10-12 dollars to see it.

Harvey said that when he was a kid he was dating a girl and went to the girl's house and the plates were flying after dinner. He said this movie is like that. He said you go and walk out of the theater thinking that's what your family is like.

Howard said Meryl Streep called him god. Harvey said that she was told by the golden Globes people that she had time to thank God and her agent. She ended up doing that by thanking God, Harvey Weinstein. He said she's a smart and funny girl.

Howard asked if Kevin Smith was fighting with him. Harvey said Kevin is upset with him. He said they made a movie together and the movie was Zack and Miri Make a Porno and Kevin thought that it should have made more money. He said that he thinks Kevin thinks they didn't market it as well as they should have. Harvey said that maybe England and France would show them they were wrong. He said that didn't happen. He said he may have let Kevin down by not being as smart as they could have been. He said that the name of the movie may have been part of the problem. He also said that he came out of a movie theater and didn't pay as much attention to Kevin as he should have. He said he thinks that Kevin is upset about that too.

Howard said he thinks that it's funny he didn't remember the name of the movie because he wants to block out the experience. Harvey said that he thinks of Kevin as part of the family. He said that he's a genius and he's great. Howard said he's not talking to him though. Harvey said that his brother still talks to Kevin so he hopes that they can have a reunion.

Howard and Harvey about politics and who he has voted for. Harvey told Howard a story about voting for Mayor Bloomberg. He told Howard about watching these guys babbling in a debate. He said that he wasn't sure he wanted to support a guy who couldn't support the opposition. He said he called Bloomberg at 11 at night and told him that he was going to vote for him. He said he thinks that he turned out to be one of the greatest mayors of all time. Howard said he feels he doesn't get his due. Harvey agreed. Howard said he built the city and built relationships that no one else was able to do. Harvey said he needs better public relations people.

Howard asked if he has a movie he's got to get made that's just burning a hole in his pocket. Harvey said they bought a book called ''Get Happy'' about Judy Garland. He said that they want to do that with Anne Hathaway but it takes a few years to make it happen. He said Anne has the look and it should be a good movie. He said they should be shooting that this summer. Howard said he thinks that he could play a part in the movie. He said he's busy with America's Got Talent though. He said he could play Sammy Davis Jr.

Harvey asked if he has seen the movie ''Philomena.'' Howard said he has not. Harvey told Howard about working with Judi Dench. He told Howard about the movies he's made with her and how she's won awards for just about all of them. She said that she had 6 nominations in a row. Harvey said that she took him out to dinner at the Four Seasons and Judi gave him a present. He said she opened her pants and pulled them down. He said on her ass was a tattoo that said ''Judi Loves Harvey.'' He said a year later she was raising money for Kevin Spacey. He said she did the same thing with Johnny Depp. Howard said it has to be a great feeling to make someone like that a big star.

Howard asked if he will ever direct a movie. Harvey said he will be doing that with a movie he has in the works about the uprising in the Warsaw Ghetto called ''Mila 18.'' He said that he has to do this one. He said this has been a project he's searched for since he was a boy. He said the story is about Jews with guns and he has to make it. Howard asked if he owns a gun. Harvey said he doesn't. Howard asked why not. Harvey said that he thinks the NRA is a diaster area. He said he's going to make another movie about that and take that issue head on. He said that he's making a big movie with Meryl Streep about that and it's going to make them feel like crap when he's done with them. Howard said he has great visions so it might just work.

Harvey told Howard more about the movie Philomena and what that's about. He said it's about forgiveness and it's triumphant.

Howard said that Queen Latifah was in there telling them about how he backed her in the movie he put her in. Harvey said he was the one guy who believed in her. He said that even the director didn't want her. He said he insisted and they went with her and it worked out.

Howard said he could talk to him all day about this stuff. Harvey said he wants men to go see ''August: Osage County.'' Howard said he had to be wrong about some movie in his career. Harvey said there are so many. He said that Quentin Tarantino told him to do ''Kill Shot'' and he got the casting all wrong. He said that it was a diaster. He said he did Crossing Over with Harrison Ford too and that turned out to be a mess too. He said he knew it as soon as he saw it. Harvey said that Quentin even told him that the patient was dead when he saw that mess. Harvey said that he knew that he wasn't going to do anything with that. Harvey said that you have to wait a little bit and get a hit and then break the news to the board. Harvey said that his kids do the same thing when they get an A in class and then break some news to him.

Howard said sex with his wife must be through the roof. Howard asked if he worries about his wife, Georgina Chapman, running around behind his back. Harvey said it's a solid marriage. He said she's great.

Howard said that he didn't get to everything that he wanted to. Robin said they didn't even talk about how he created Miramax and sold it and then bought it back. Howard said that he doesn't own the company but he's working with them. Harvey said that his mother never got over him selling that company and losing the name. Harvey said when he lost the name she flipped out. He said that she was upset for his dad.

Howard asked what he's worth financially. Howard asked how many homes he owns. Harvey said he has 3. He said he has three homes in the New York and Connecticut area. He said he's got a new one out by Howard. Howard said he'll hang with him.

Howard said he will have Harvey back on the show and talk to him about other things. Howard said he will see this movie that he was talking about. He gave him some plugs for Philomena and ''August: Osage County.''

Harvey told Howard about doing this event to raise money and he asked Howard and Adam Sandler not to do anything stupid there. Howard ended up going on stage as Fartman. Howard said he loved Bill Clinton and he wanted to talk to him. He said that Bill turned his back on him when he went to talk to him and it may have been unintentional. Howard said that movie about 9/11 was great. Howard said that they had phone problems that night and some guy from Google walked in and fixed it for them. Harvey said it was amazing. He said that was Eric Schmidt who did that. Harvey said they were able to fix it in like 2 minutes. He said Eric Schmidt walked up and the place went crazy.

Howard thanked Harvey for sharing his stories. Harvey asked if he has to give Gary money now. He said he brought the envelope. Howard said the illegal downloads must kill him. Harvey said it kills him. He said it's like stealing a shirt from your father's clothing store. He said it's going to kill the movie industry. Howard wrapped up and went to break a short time later.

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Shuli Vs. Pittsburgh Pete. 01/15/14. 8:15am
After the break we heard a prank call Fred the Elephant Boy made to a candy store about taffy he had stuck in his teeth. Fred also played Aerosmith's ''Dude Looks Like a Lady'' as they were coming back.

Howard came back and said that's the great Steven Tyler who will be at the birthday show. Howard took a call from a guy who said that Michael Ian Black said his book shot up on the Amazon book list. It jumped 128,000 spots after being on the show. Howard said he was very happy for him when he read that.

Howard took another call from a guy who said he was online and saw Barbara Walters' 10 most interesting people and Howard wasn't on it. He said that's bullshit. Howard said he has to get to this game they're going to play but a couple of years ago they contacted him about the 10 most fascinating people. He said Barbara was going to come to interview him. He said that he wasn't interested when he found out there were 9 others. Howard said he wasn't interested in a 7 minute segment on a Barbara Walters special. Howard said he turned it down and they were flabbergasted. Howard said that everyone else sucks up to get on that special but if Barbara wants to talk to him then he will only do a full hour. He said now they won't even ask him to do it.

Howard took a call from Tommy in Malden who asked if Lloyd Braun is going to be at the birthday show. Howard said he is. Tommy asked if he can go then. Howard asked why he would bring up Lloyd. Tommy said Lloyd is his mentor. Howard said he's about to play a game so he can't do this. Tommy said he should be there over Pittsburgh Pete. He said he contributes more than Pete does. Pete said that he never had a classic fight with Artie Lange. He said he didn't go on stage with Artie either.

Howard said they're going to get to Judge JD and the rest of the guys in a moment. Howard had Elephant Boy speak some Korean for them. He did that and Robin said that's about as good as her Klingon.

Howard took a call from a guy who said he was watching Jerry Seinfeld's show last night and wondered when Howard will be on. Howard said it's sometime in February. The caller asked if he can win tickets. Howard said he's about to do something else so he doesn't have time for that. The caller asked if he's afraid that Beth is going to hang out with Harvey's wife and want to have a kid. Howard said he is and that's why he's going to ban Beth from hanging out with her.

Pittsburgh Pete said before he came in there Shuli came in to confront him in the green room. Shuli came in and said that Pete spread a lie about his wife 2 years ago. Howard said this isn't the place to do this. Shuli said the guy is an asshole. Howard said he should have let him deal with it. He said he could have worked something out. Shuli said he wanted to do a man to man thing with him and tell him not to talk about his wife again. Howard said this isn't the place to do that. He said he can take it off the air and handle it but not in the green room. Howard said he's a guest on the show. Shuli said he understands that. Howard said he has to feel safe on the show. Pete said he should have done it after this. Shuli said he doesn't want any interaction with him at all.

Howard asked Pete what the attack was about but didn't want him to say exactly what it was. Shuli said he was saying that his wife was posting naked pictures of herself on Facebook. The two of them started yelling so Howard had to calm them down. Howard said this isn't right to bring up before the show. Howard said he wishes he had known about it before. Bobo said he should have done it on the side instead if embarrassing him in front of the reset of them.

Howard said he has to have control over this stuff. He said he can't be confronting people like that. Shuli said he's 100 percent right and he apologizes for that. He said he has to defend his wife though. Pete said he's a kiss ass. Shuli told him to come down there at 5 tonight and say that to him. Shuli said he doesn't live at home with his parents. He made fun of his speech impediment too.

Pete said Shuli isn't a great caller. He said he just got lucky. Pete said he'll meet him outside at 5 tonight. Pete called him fat boy. Howard said Shuli may have put on a few pounds but he's not fat. Pete said he's not even good at doing his job.

Shuli said Pete is so jealous of him. Shuli said that Pete was saying he lied about his wife because he was trying to contribute to the show like he does. Shuli said he can go fly home and never be on the show again. Howard said he doesn't want them fighting. He said he just wants peace and love, peace and love.

Howard asked if Pete is demonstrating his worth to the show. Pete said this is real. He said Shuli remembered this for 2 years. He said that Shuli insulted him on the phone when they talked about that. He said he's been banned from the news since Langford left.

Howard asked JD if he heard all of this. JD said of course he did. Howard said that Pete came out swinging. Ham Hands Bill said that they could sniff Robin's panties and that would relax all of them. Howard said this guy is a maniac.

Howard said he's going to take a couple more calls and then get to the Judge JD segment. Howard said Bobo is on pills from this whole birthday show ticket thing. Bobo said that he's been going crazy over the whole birthday show thing. Elephant Boy said that JD is looking good today. He was doing a little ass kissing.

Howard took a call from a guy who said he wanted to wait on hold to win tickets. Howard said he's not doing that today.

Howard took a call from Melrose Larry Green who told Shuli not to threaten anyone like he did. He said Pete is a fan of the show and he shouldn't be doing that. Melrose said that he isn't even going to the birthday show. Howard said Larry is a peace maker who calmed everyone down. Pete said he's known Larry since he was 16 years old. He said he had a book signing for him at a local Dairy Queen.

Judge JD. 01/15/14. 8:35am
Howard asked if he has to break. Fred said he doesn't have to. He said he has the flexibility. Howard said he'll get to Judge JD then. Howard said that only one of these gentlemen can go to the birthday bash show. Howard said Bobo is there and 81 percent of the audience believes that he shouldn't go. Howard said that Bobo has been on Xanax for weeks because of this. He said he can't sleep and it's impacting his relationship with his 7 year old son. Bobo said he can't be that dad right now. He said he has anxiety issues. Robin asked if he thinks this is a silly thing to lose time with his son over. Bobo said that he loves the show and people who have done that can understand.

Howard said Ham Hands Bill is there as well. Howard said Bill is going to be in the movie Mark of the Cobra. Howard asked when the film is coming out. Bill said they're looking for actors now and they're looking to get Ray Liotta. Howard said they won't get him.

Howard said in the third position is Pittsburgh Pete. Howard said he fights with everyone. Howard said Pete is a promoter and a driver for a strip club in Pittsburgh. Howard said he even hooks up with strippers. Pete said he's high every day too. Howard asked if he's high now. Pete said he's not high this morning. He wanted this day to be clear so he can get through this game.

Howard said that Fred the Elephant Boy is there and he's one of the original Wack Pack. Howard asked what year he was a made man. Fred said that was back in 1988. Howard said that Fred has complied a list of the things he's done on the show. He still has his girlfriend that he got through the show but he hasn't seen her in a year. Fred said that she went through a lot this past year and they're there for each other over the phone. Howard said he claims that he has almost no sex drive now. Fred said he's in his mid 50s now. Howard said it says that he doesn't masturbate anymore. Fred said if it comes up then he'll do it. Robin said she has no idea what he just said.

Howard asked JD if he's ready. JD said he is. Howard said he has the best news for Bobo. He said that he's going to hand him an envelope with two tickets in it. He said they're his but he can lose them. Howard said he's going to go to Ham Hands Bill and he's going to talk to JD. If JD thinks that he should get the tickets then Bobo loses them. Ham Hands can take them if he convinces JD that they should be his.

Ham Hands told JD that this party is the biggest of all time. He said they're going to have a lot of big stars there. Bill said he has enjoyed the birthday shows over the years on TV and radio. He said that if he gets to go he will invite a girl to sit on his lap. Howard said he ran out of time so he had to cut him off.

Howard asked JD if he wanted to pass the tickets on to Bill. JD said he does not. He said Ham Hands just talked himself out of it. He said there was some praising the show but this was more about having a girl on his lap. Howard said maybe the audience would like to see that. JD said no. Howard asked Ham Hands what he has to say about that. Bill tried to say something but he ran out of time again. Howard said he isn't very good at getting his thoughts out. Howard said he blew a big opportunity.

Bobo said his heart was about to explode. Bobo said he had to take his Xanax this morning. He said he hasn't had much more than 6 hours of sleep over the past couple of weeks.

Howard moved on to Pittsburgh Pete. Pete told JD that he sat next to his sister and tried to hook up with her that night. JD said he may have done that. Pete said he loves JD and thought that would be great for her. He said he was fine with that. Pete said the question isn't ''why me?'' but why these guys? He said that Fred hasn't really made an impact since Howard moved to satellite. Fred was shaking his head like he agreed. Pete said they locked him in the green room with Fred. He said that he has body odor. He said they don't want a guy who smells. Howard asked if Fred showered this morning. Fred said he showered before he left this morning. Pete said it makes it even worse then. Pete also said that Ham Hands is in a wheelchair. He said no one wants to pity anyone there. Bill said he's not looking for pity. Pete said it's depressing. Pete said that Bobo is great but it's a mistake to let him go. He said he knows JD will lose twitter followers if he votes for Bobo. Pete said if he lets Bobo go then he's promoting stalkers. He said Bobo got famous for going up to Howard's wife's hospital room. Bobo said that he's been a fan longer than anyone there.

Pete said one reason he should go is because he's America's number 1 radio caller. He said he calls shows across the country and it's always entertaining. He said he's going to get laid that night too. He said none of these guys are going to get laid. Fred and Bill said they could get laid.

Howard asked JD what he thinks about this and if he thinks that he has earned the right to get the tickets. JD said that Pete shouldn't have even been there today. He said that he's very antagonistic. Pete said he expected this from Howard's staff. Howard said he can see Pete is upset. Pete insulted JD with a couple of lines about his weight and being a nerd. Pete was insulting his football team too. JD just laughed and said ''fuck him.''

Pete said that judges are corrupt so ''unleash the whore.'' They brought in the stripper, Miss Gia, that he brought with him from the strip club he works at. Howard said there could be a steal round coming up so watch what you say. Howard asked Gia what she wanted to say. Gia showed off her body and JD said that's a very attractive bribe. Howard said that Pete did bring in some fun into the room. JD said that he won't take that bribe.

Howard said it's Fred the Elephant Boy's turn to try to steal the tickets from Bobo. Fred said he's been on the show for over 26 years. He said that if he's not on the show on a regular basis he's on other shows on the channels. Fred said that Pete should remember that Pittsburgh is home of Hunts Baked Beans. He said what they get from that is hot air. Fred said that he and JD are not that different. He said they're both shy. Fred said he was shy and awkward as JD is. He said they're really not that different. Howard asked if he's trying to say that things will get better. Fred said he thinks so. Howard said maybe he'll be a swan like Fred is. Fred said that he has done a lot of things on the show like getting his ass waxed. He said he had that gay phone call thing too. Fred played a clip of that dating service message he had made years ago.

Howard asked JD what he thinks about Fred the Elephant Boy and if he should get the tickets from Bobo. JD said that Elephant Boy is a legend on the show. Pete said he's a legend too. JD told him to shut up. Pete said he's a legend because if you take away the Howard Stern Show they're nothing. He said he's associated with other shows too. He said people want to be him. Fred said that if he's on other shows then he can go to their birthday show.

JD said Fred is a legend and it is a radio show first and foremost. JD asked Bobo to please pass the tickets to Fred the Elephant Boy. Howard said he's reaching into his Xanax pack now. Howard asked if he's okay. Bobo wasn't saying anything. He was breathing heavy. Howard asked if he has to lay down. Bobo said he'll be alright.

Howard asked Bobo if he had some issues with his wife. Bobo said that he had a thing going on with his family in December. He said his wife was upset with him for leaving the family on that day the world was supposed to end. Howard asked if he's crying. Bobo said it was a tough thing and he loves the show so much. He said he stepped over the line but his wife forgave him. Howard asked if she thought that the world was going to end. Bobo said she didn't but he thought he should be there for his family.

Bobo said he's very loyal to the show and he made that decision to come to the show instead of stay with his family. Bobo said most wives would throw him out of the house for being obsessed as he is. He said he has an entire downstairs devoted to Howard Stern. Bobo said he quit a job after 2 weeks because of the hours. He said his wife told him to quit that job so he'd be happy.

Pete said he quit high school to listen to Howard. He said he was a freshman at the time but he should have been a senior. Howard asked Pete to let Bobo continue. Bobo was pleading his case a little more.

Howard asked JD if he thinks that Bobo should get the tickets. Fred said he's not giving them up. Howard said only Judge JD can change that. Howard asked for his verdict. JD said he loves Bobo and he hates disappointing him. He said he can't see not having Fred the Elephant Boy there at the party. Bobo said he's bummed. He said he understands it and respects the decision. He said he knows there are prices to pay. He said he would give 1000 percent to get in. Howard said he would give him tickets if he had them but they just don't have enough. Howard said that there is a ''steal round'' so he let the guys say a few more words. Ham Hands Bill was rambling about something that Howard cut off. Howard said Pete wants to say something too. Pete got in a plug for Cheerleaders Gentleman's Club which is the strip club he works at. Pete said that he'd like to have his own radio show too. He said even though he has a speech slur he thinks he could do a good show. Pete said he thinks he sucked on his two fingers when he was a child and that led to the slur. There was more to the sorry but it wasn't even clear to Pete what had gone on.

Bobo said he accepts the decision and he knows it was a tough one for JD. Bill said he always behaves when he's up there and he just wanted to say that. Robin said she wouldn't want to be JD.

Howard asked Pete about his dad and Pete said he still lives with his dad and his dad still comes into his bedroom and sits on his bed in his tighty whiteies. Howard said he can't tell what's going on here. He said he doesn't think he's kidding. Pete said he's not sure. Pete said his dad isn't putting his cock in his mouth now. He said he's too old for that. Fred told him to seek professional help.

Howard said he's not sure what's going on over there. Robin said she thinks this has become a nightmare. Howard said he's not sure if it's shtick or not. Pete said ''Lets move on.'' Robin said they were supposed to have a good time today. JD said that they're going to end this. He said court is out of session now.

Howard thanked the guys for coming in and congratulated Fred the Elephant Boy on his win. Howard said JD did a good job judging today. Howard told Pete to put a lock on his door. He asked if he's okay. Pete didn't say anything. Howard said he loves that guy. He said he's not saying anything and he's a very emotional guy. Howard said he had to take a break after that.

19 Year Old Gray Sits In For The News. 01/15/14. 9:15am
After the break we heard a World War Z commercial parody featuring Bobo. We also heard a Scott the Engineer ''You know you're old when...'' bit. Fred also played Rihanna's ''Diamonds'' as they were coming back.

Howard came back and said that they have Gray sitting in the studio. He's the 19 year old fan who was going to win tickets but he was too young to win. Howard said that he's wearing a birthday hat and a sign that says ''Age is not a number.'' Howard asked if he's going to be annoying. Gray said he's not. Howard asked if he's really 19. Gray said he really is. He's in college at Baruch.

Howard asked where he's from. He said he's originally from Israel. Howard played him a song that he'd recognize. He played a Yiddish song.

Howard said they were all over the place this morning. Robin said it was too much. Robin said she's not sure what to think of that whole thing. Howard said Bobo left there distraught. Howard said it doesn't get better than that. Robin said it's detrimental to people's health.

Howard said this Sarah Palin makes him nuts. Robin said she always does that. Howard said he just got a note saying Ham Hands was crying in the hallway. Robin said he was so bad at making a case for himself. Gary came in and said it was the craziest visual ever. He said everyone went their own way and he was just sitting there welling up. He said he wasn't balling though. Howard said Bill has never broken down like that before.

Howard asked why Gray is in a high chair over there. Gary said he wasn't involved. Gray said he's fine. Howard said he looks like a hood ornament. Howard said maybe they can give Gray's birthday hat to Bill to make him feel better.

Ronnie said that Gray is at every AGT show. He said he knows all of the AGT people by name. Gray said it's incredible to be there. Gray said Howard was staring at him at AGT at Hammerstein. He said Howie kept asking who he was. Howard said he's beautiful so that's why he was staring at him. Howard said he has the personality of a real accountant. Howard said he does remember him now that Ronnie pointed him out. He asked if he's going to come to AGT this season too. Gray said absolutely.

Howard got back to the Sarah Palin rant. Howard said he doesn't know what John McCain was thinking when he picked her to run with him. Gray said they chose her because she's a woman. Howard asked Gray if he's going to interrupt every time. Gray quieted down after that. Howard said he can't interrupt every time. Howard said you'd think that McCain would pick the right person to run with.

Gray said he's speechless that he's in there. Robin said he's really not speechless. Howard said he has to get to the news and get out of there. He said he has meetings to get to.

Howard got back to Sarah Palin again and played a clip of her doing an interview and talking about hearing the news that Katie Couric's TV show was canceled. Palin said that she wasn't surprised. Howard said why this woman has it in for Katie is beyond him. Howard said Katie asked her a question about what periodicals she reads and Palin was stumped. Howard said that she's holding a grudge against her for that. Howard said Katie wasn't trying to sandbag the woman. Howard said she was just interviewing her. Howard said Sarah Palin has one person to blame for that fiasco and that's Sarah Palin. Howard said Katie Couric did nothing to her. Howard said it's a bunch of horse shit. Howard said she's looking for a talk show and she can't even talk.

Robin's News. 01/15/14. 9:30am
Howard said it was time for Robin's news so they played her in with a song parody. Howard said he loves that song. He asked who did that one. Fred said it was Eli Braden. Howard said he thinks he's coming to the birthday show. Robin said maybe they'll hear that one live. Howard said they can only hope.

Howard mentioned the birthday show ticket giveaway they're holding and how you can bid on another set of tickets. You can find out more through HowardStern.com

Robin read a story about a court overturning same sex marriage ban in Oklahoma. Robin said they'll have to see what the supreme court has to say about it.

Howard said he loves Sal and Richard's calls to Tradio but they have to get someone else to do the voices. Howard said the host recognized them immediately when they called yesterday. He played a clip and the host said they can't have him on because it's his first day doing the show. The host hung up on him and told everyone about what Sal and Richard do to them with their prank calls.

Howard said the guy knew it on his first day there. Howard said Sal got the same response with the guy they call all the time. Howard said the guy is catching on to them. Howard played a clip and Sal did a gay joke with Mike Morales' name and the host didn't really know who it was. Howard said he shouldn't have said that he did. The host went right to break after hearing the prank. Robin said she loves it when they get lectured.

Howard said Sal and Richard went out on the street and asked people what they wanted to say to Howard Stern for his birthday. Howard played some of the responses and people were telling him to go away. One woman wished him death for his birthday. Howard said this is such a great country. He said it's filled with peace and love.

Robin read about today being the anniversary of the Miracle on the Hudson plane landing in the Hudson. Robin said no one died that day. Robin said that they will all be on the Hudson celebrating today. Howard asked Robin if she's thinking Sully is a hero now. Robin said after hearing about the pilot landing at the wrong airport this week is making her think he might be.

Howard read that DirecTV is dropping the Weather Channel. He said that channel drives him crazy. He said they don't really need that channel. He said you can get weather on your phone now. Howard said he has satellite TV and the TV goes out during rain anyway. He said he can't check the weather during rain anyway. He said he can check his phone in 2 seconds though. Robin said there are some people who don't want change and need that channel. Robin said people like Howard's parents need that. Howard said it might be for them and their one friend.

Robin said Sea World made more money last year than ever. Even after all of the bad press they've been getting.

Howard took a call from Mariann from Brooklyn who said this Bobo thing is terrible. She said that Pittsburgh Pete was horrible too. She said that he isn't a real fan if he's listening to other radio shows. Howard cut her off before she could say more. Howard did a live commercial and then went to break.

After the break, around 9:45am, Howard came right back and mentioned that Pope Francis is urging moms to breast feed in the chapel. Howard said that he likes this guy. He said he's right on track. Howard said this guy cares about titties when none of the others do.

Howard said Kim Kardashian was at a chiropractor's office and some guy came up to her saying that she's a nigger lover. Howard said that made him think about that term. Howard said it's actually a nice thing if you leave out the N-word. Howard said that means she likes black people. That's a good thing. Robin said it's debasing people though. Howard said if he went out in front of the BET building and someone called him that then he'd be a hero. Robin said he's going down the wrong road with this. She said that word is a whole different thing. Howard said he's trying to teach. He said it's a warped curriculum but he's teaching.

Howard asked Robin if she's watching The Bachelor. Robin said she doesn't watch that show. Howard said they had a woman running around crying in a bathing suit. Robin said she saw the promo for the show and saw she had a meltdown. Howard said this guy Juan Pablo has the personality of a wall. He said the women love him even after just one week. Howard said they think he's brilliant and a genius. Howard said he's hot but he's dumb as a fucking wall. Robin said he must be like a beautiful woman and they can't hear how dumb he is yet.

Howard said he was listening to the newscast about the guy who shot a guy in the movie theater for texting. Howard said it turns out the guy was texting his 3 year old daughter. Howard said he wondered what 3 year old has the ability to text. Robin said the kid can't read. Howard said that's not the point of the story but that's what he's obsessing on. Howard got a note saying that he was texting the day care center. Howard said the guy ended up dying. Howard said the guy who shot him must be wondering why he got so upset about texting. Robin said it is annoying when people turn on their phones in the theater.

Robin said people are bringing their kids into high end restaurants and people can be interrupted by the screams of babies. Robin wondered if people become immune to their kids noise. Howard said if you go to a high end restaurant like Danielle or Jean George you're paying for a big experience. Howard said some people save up all year for that. Howard said you get dressed up and bring your best girl. He said it's spectacular to take in. Then you have some kid carrying on. Howard said it ruins the whole experience for the restaurant. Howard said people have no compassion. He said the people just sit there like zombies. Robin said it's like they can't even hear it. Howard said people do the same thing at movies. He said they bring a toddler into a movie and the kid is terrified. Robin said no one says anything because they're afraid to. She said you feel like the victim.

Robin read a story about a guy who lost his dog 6 years ago and he got a call from a vet's office saying that they had found the chip in the dog. Robin said that the guy discovered that the dog is alive and well but the person who brought the dog in came in and took the dog home. Robin said the guy doesn't want to lose the dog. Howard said people get emotional about their pets. Howard said he's a judge so he's going to rule on this. Howard said the person who micro chipped the dog is the owner and the dog should be returned. Howard said you can understand why this person would be upset losing the dog they took care of for 6 years. Howard said they do have to do some due diligence. He said they have to figure out how the dog got lost. Howard said he must have loved it if it had a chip implanted. Robin said the current owner is saying that he wants to be paid for all of the care he's done with the dog. Howard said he thinks the original owner should get the dog back even more now. He said no douche bag is going to ask for that. Howard said that's a douchy move. He said he's not saying the guy is a douche bag but that is a douchy move.

Robin read a story about a 4 year old boy's body that was found in New York and no one has the money to pay to bury him. Robin said custody of the child was given to the father of the child who went to prison and he left the child with friends who ended up abusing and killing the kid. Robin said this kid never had a chance. Robin said now the guy is looking to get out of jail to attend his son's funeral.

Howard took a call from Mutt from Super Fan Roundtable. He said happy birthday to Howard and also said he was sorry to hear Ronnie lost his dog. Howard said the dog had cancer. Howard wondered how he found out. Mutt said Ronnie tweeted it. Howard said Ronnie really loved that dog. Howard said it was a sad day yesterday. He said when you have to take your beloved dog to the vet and say goodbye it's so sad. Howard said he felt for him. Howard said he was really upset for him. Howard said he found a doctor who has had success with these conditions but it was too late for Dudley.

Mutt said he tried helping out Hanzi to get him a Notary. Howard cut him off saying that he really feels that Hanzi needs to be accompanied by an adult. Mutt said he agrees. He said that makes sense. Mutt told Howard he sent Hanzi a note to help but Hanzi told him he wasn't going to do all of that to get to the show.

,Howard said he got a happy birthday message from Wendy the Retard and Gary the Retard. He played the clip of them singing to him.

Mutt asked if he can try to win tickets to the birthday show. Howard said he doesn't think he has a game to play. Howard said he can't believe that Mutt doesn't have tickets. Mutt said that he didn't even bother Gary about it. Howard said he'll give him a Ronnie This or That game. Howard said he has to just give him one shot at it though. Howard said they asked Ronnie if he would rather have one finger in his ass or two fingers in his ass. Howard wondered what kind of question that is. Mutt said he'll say one finger. Howard said maybe he would rather have 2. Mutt stuck with 1. Howard said most of us would say no fingers but Ronnie likes fingers in his ass. He said maybe he'd want as many as he could get. Howard said no guy wants more than one though. Mutt said he never has luck playing along at home. He said he's sticking to one finger though. Howard played the answer and Ronnie said one finger would be good. Two would hurt. Mutt won tickets. Howard said Mutt is in the door. Mutt said he's been on hold all day. He thanked Howard for that.

Howard said Ronnie is still tight back there. He said he was listening to stuff for the show and Ronnie recorded two sexy messages for Martin Luther King day and they're offensive. Howard said this just seems wrong. Howard played a clip of Ronnie talking about how Martin Luther King's dream was for more black men to eat pussy. He said that they don't like that but it's a new century and they should be eating more pussy.

Howard said Ronnie is wrong about black guys not eating pussy. Ronnie said he talks to a lot of black guys and they're not into it. He said black girls will tell you that too. Howard said he'll check in with King of All Blacks about that too. King was on the phone and said that Ronnie is right. He said they don't like to do that. He said the light skinned guys think they're too good for it. King said he likes eating pussy. He said he likes it to have a little tinge to it.

Howard said King was on Jon Leiberman's show last night and he was saying that it was fashionable to have AIDS early on. King said he's taking that out of context. He said as time went on it was a thing to have. He said it wasn't fashionable but it was something to have. Howard said he really has to move on. King said that's not fair. He said he has to give a pair of tickets to him. Howard said he really has to go. He said he just gave a set away to Mutt. King said that's not right. Howard hung up on him.

Howard asked Ronnie how he's doing with the loss of his dog. Ronnie said it's rough. He said he watched the dog pass. He said that was the wrong thing to do. Howard said he thinks he did the wrong thing. Howard said Ronnie is a great dog owner. Howard said he treats his dogs really well. Howard said to put a dog to sleep is rough. He said they're alive and then you inject them and they're dead. Ronnie said when they go their eyes are wide open and it's horrible. He said they look like a statue. He said it haunted him all night. Howard said it's good for the dog though. Ronnie said they gave him anything he wanted yesterday. He said that they gave him chocolate and anything he wanted. Ronnie said that the vet was great too. He said they were all crying too. Ronnie said Dudley ate anything they gave him. He said he had a bowl of water too. He said the death was very calm. He said that they warned him that he could have fought it but he went out like a trooper. Howard said he was a good dog. Howard said he's never had to put an animal to sleep. Ronnie said it's not fun. Howard said he doesn't think he could do it.

Robin said that you're with them through their whole life and you go through that with them. Howard said he wouldn't want that image in his head. Ronnie said the dog was pretty bad off yesterday. He said he was peeing when he didn't realize it and things like that. Howard said it sucks. He said he was going to call him last night but he figured he was pretty bad off. Ronnie said they didn't go until 8 last night. He said that his vet had to go to a funeral and he wanted her to put him down.

Howard asked how you even make that decision. Ronnie said they told him that they really couldn't do anything for this cancer he had. He said it starts in the spleen and once you know they have it it's too late. He said they took his spleen out and hoped that would help. He said that he went to Dr. Wen on Saturday but it was too late for him. Ronnie said they said he could go in 3 months or 6 months but he only lasted 4 weeks. He said it really sucks big time. Howard said Ronnie does have a sensitive side. Ronnie said he does for him.

Ronnie said he came to work because he had to laugh and try to get over that. Howard said Gray didn't know that Ronnie had a nice side. Howard said he really does. Gray said he just adopted a dog and he can't imagine going through that.

Robin got back to her news and read a story about sex trafficking to go up in New Jersey around the Super Bowl weekend. Robin had some audio of a woman talking about that but the recording was very hard to understand.

Robin said they had a school shooting yesterday and the student may have warned some people about it. Robin said some students were told not to go to school. Robin said that two students were wounded.

Robin read about another school where they had a chemical device go off. Robin said that they have arrested at least one suspect.

Robin read a story about a judge who is denying bond to the former police chief who shot and killed a man in a movie theater in Florida. Robin had some audio of someone talking about that case. Robin said they say that this guy has had other run ins with people over texting. Robin had some audio of an official talking about another woman who had been confronted.

Robin read a story about Duck Dynasty's new season starting tonight. Robin said this is season 5. Robin said they have new cast members to introduce this season.

Robin read about the real life guy from Lone Survivor is saying that they were just doing their job when they had all of this stuff happen to them. Robin had some audio of the guy talking about that.

Robin read a story about Chris Christie doing a state of the state address and talking about lengthening school years and school days. Robin said that he's pledging that there will be no tax hikes. Robin had some audio of him talking about that.

Robin read a story about a chemical spill in west Virginia. Robin said they had to ban drinking water in several counties for a while. Robin said they are looking into how the chemical spill happened and how dangerous the spill was.

Robin read about Justin Bieber getting into trouble for allegedly egging a house. Robin said the people who owned the house have video taped it. Robin said that an arrest was made at Justin's home. Robin said that there were reports of cocaine being found there but now the police are saying that it could be other drugs and not cocaine. Howard said that kid is such a dweeb. Howard said the police came for an egging incident. Howard said he's trying to build up his rep and he's doing it by egging. Howard said egging is the worst crime ever. He said his dad's house got egged and his dad was out trying to paint the house to hide the egg stains. He said that he was up on the ladder cursing. He said the house was his one big investment. Howard said in his best year he was making 25 grand and kids are egging it. Howard said Justin Bieber is a dick head if he was doing that. Robin said they say the house had $25,000 worth of damage from the eggs. Robin had some audio of an officer saying that Justin Bieber was not arrested but they did collect evidence from his home. Howard said he can imagine Bieber going out trying to be a bad ass and throwing eggs and toilet papering someone's house. Robin wrapped up and Howard ended the show a short time later. Howard said Gray did a great job sitting in. Gray said it's much better than the birthday show. Howard ended the show around 10:30am.

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-- Wrap Up Show Wrap Up --

Wrap Up Show - Judge JD. 01/15/14. 10:35am
Jon Hein started the show talking about how the show really ran the gamut. He said they had Harvey Weinstein in and that was big. JD said that he doesn't love all of his movies but he has a lot of good ones. He said he obviously loves movies and wants to put them out. Jon said they are big fans of Harvey's. Gary said you always knew Harvey and Bob had their hands on every movie they put out. Jon said JD wanted to be a Miramax guy when he was thinking of putting out a movie.

Gary said he read about Harvey and Bob having some eyes on them when they were out one night and it turned out that Ang Lee was there saying that if he didn't make movies he would die.

Jon went over some of the other things he wanted to cover today. Jon said he wanted to start off talking about the big contest. He said they had Ham Hands Bill, Bobo, Pittsburgh Pete and Fred the Elephant Boy competing for tickets. Jon said that Fred won and Bobo left pretty distraught. JD said so did Bill. Jon said JD had to make that decision on who would win. He said that Bobo would give his life for the show. JD said he likes Bobo and Ham Hands Bill too but you have to make a decision. He said there can only be one person and he's sorry. Jon asked if he had his mind set right away. JD said he kind of did. He said Bobo is the one bringing things on himself and he needs to work on that stuff.

Benjy asked if Bobo was in second place. JD said today he was. Gary said he knew that Pete was in last place with JD. JD said he definitely was.

Gary said JD seemed very comfortable doing this today. JD said when he's talking about his personal life he hates it. He said this had nothing to do with his personal life so he was good. Gary said he was shining today. Benjy said he gets what he's saying. He said it had nothing to do with his own life. Jon said he was playing a part and he likes controlling things like that. JD said he thinks that Bobo will be fine. Gary said he doesn't think so. JD said he hopes he is.

Jon said that the fans think that Bobo gets a lot of stuff. He said you can't question his dedication to the show. He said he thinks that Fred the Elephant Boy did a good job today. Fred was sitting in so they spent some time talking to him. Gary said when he met Fred they were kids and now they're in their 50s. He said it's crazy.

Benjy thought Pete was good with entertaining today. He said he doesn't have the personality that Fred has though. Gary said Fred isn't a character on the show either. He said he's a participant in the show. Gary said he's not sure what Pete is. He said he's not sure if he's doing a bit or not. He said with Fred what you see is what you get.

Gary said that when they started it was Fred, Celeste, Crazy Jerry and Gina Girl and Becky the Mental Patient. Gary said Fred has outlived all of them. Fred said something about being back to normal but it was hard to understand what he was talking about.

Jon asked if Fred can understand how Bobo is feeling. Fred said he can. He said there are things he would like to be in that he didn't get into. Jon asked what he'd tell Bobo to do to handle this. Fred said that he just says to himself that if this is it then it was a quick history. He said he never got into their Christmas parties. He said he would have liked to have gone to those. Fred said in the past they always had a table for the Wack Pack. Gary said they have a separate table for them at this party. Shuli said it's more of a cage.

Gary said he thinks that he'd go to the sincere route to get into something like that. Jon asked if there was anything that Ham Hands could have said to convince JD. JD said if Ham Hands had been more about how much he loves the show and how much it would mean to him then maybe he would have given him the tickets. He said that he was more about the girl he wanted to have siting on his lap. Gary said he's really not a sad sack and he's very upbeat. He said maybe if he had played that hand he could have gotten it.

Shuli said that Ham Hands was in tears talking to him. He said he thinks he took it hardest. Gary said that Bobo took it hard and cried too. He said he has the tape.

Gary said he thinks that Pete knows he's abrasive. Jon said he plays into it. Jon said that Pete was talking about Fred and putting him down. He said Fred was agreeing with him. Fred said he was just going along with what he was saying. He said he's not like Pete and he won't get into a yelling match with him. JD said that stripper he brought was hot. Jon said he wasn't bribed by her though. JD said he's not easily bribed.

Jon took a call from a guy who asked if Fred is going to take Bobo as a plus one to the show. Fred said he's bringing his girlfriend so he can't give it to Bobo. Jon said Bobo can call in and maybe earn his tickets that way.

Jon took a call from a guy who asked if they think Fred is on the Mount Rushmore of Wack Packers. Gary said there is no doubt that Beetlejuice would be in there. Shuli said that Hank the Dwarf would be too. JD asked about Crackhead Bob. Gary said he thinks that Eric the Actor or Gary the Retard would be in there too. Gary said he knows Hank and Beet are on there but he's not sure about Fred. He said Fred might be his fourth choice. Shuli said High Pitch Eric might be up there too. He said he's been on the show for years and he's contributed a lot. Gary said maybe they can put a poll up on the web site about that.

Jon said he wanted to talk about the individuals and if they deserve to go. Gary said that Ham Hands is part of the Wack Pack and he thinks that he's in one of the tiers there. Gary said he's not sure Pete is in the wack Pack. He said he's a regular caller. He said that's a different thing. He said that anyone in the Wack Pack is a regular caller but there is a difference. No one thought that Pete was in the Wack Pack. Gary asked what group he's in. Shuli said he's a regular caller. Gary asked what Bobo is. Shuli said he's a Wack Packer. Jon asked if Mariann is a Wack Packer. The guys thought she was because of her obsession with the show. They said she's more of the queen of the Wack Pack and she's the one who holds all of that stuff together. Gary said he has to get a hold of Mariann and ask how much money she's given out to the Wack Pack. They had to go to break a short time later.

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Wrap Up Show - Ronnie's Dog. 01/15/14. 11:00am
After the break Jon said he wanted to express his condolences about Ronnie's dog. He said he was breaking people's hearts today. Ronnie said it's not a good time. He said he's not holding up so great. Gary said he had an emotional moment in the hall with Ronnie. He said their dogs are half brothers. He said that he sent him to his breeder when Ronnie saw his dog. Gary said Ronnie started welling up when he was talking to him and he had to walk away. Benjy told Gary he should have his dog checked out for this cancer. Ronnie said he doesn't think so. He said that it could happen in the same litter but they haven't heard of any other cases in his litter. Gary said he knows how all of Murphy's brothers and sisters are doing. He said Murphy is going to be 10 in April.

Gary wondered if a dog would know his brothers and sisters. Benjy said he wonders about that too. He said he doesn't think they'd know. Gary said that sometimes other Vizsla's find the same type of dog. He said that maybe a sibling dog would do that.

Jon said that you don't want to be there when you put your pet down. Ronnie said they did it up really nice for his dog. He said that they gave the dog a tranquilizer and he was going to walk out when he fell asleep. He said the dog never really went to sleep so he stayed in there. He said that he was warned that it could go bad. He said it didn't happen. Shuli said that he had a friend that it happened to. He said it went horribly. Ronnie said his dog went within 15 seconds. Ronnie said that he saw his mom die but she was in a coma. He said that when animals die their eyes don't close. He said it was horrible to see. Ronnie said he can't get that thought out of his head.

Ronnie said that his girlfriend Stephanie sees this all the time but she was a basket case last night. Gary said the thing about pets is that they want a part of you every day of your life. He said they never have an attitude. Ronnie said they have to be near you and up against you. Jon said they're just thrilled to see you no matter what. Ronnie said the dog was a real guy's dog. Gary said they're very active. He said when they're gone you can feel it. Ronnie said it was so sad. Shuli said it's time to talk about pussy.

Wrap Up Show - Benjy's Diet And More. 01/15/14. 11:05am
Jon took a call from a guy who said Ronnie sounds like a big pussy crying on the air. He said that Ronnie was calling him a pussy yesterday so he's going to return it to him. Ronnie said that everyone wanted him to tell him to hang up yesterday. The caller said he hung up eventually. He said that Ronnie can't say that his problems are worse than his. He said that it means a lot to him and he doesn't regret asking for a second chance.

Gary asked what he thought of today's contest. The caller said that he didn't care who won but he was glad that Bobo didn't win. Ronnie told Jon to hang up so Jon did.

Jon said he's not sure why people are so upset with Bobo possibly getting tickets. Ronnie said he's involved with every show. Ronnie said that Mariann doesn't get that shit because she's the queen. Benjy said if Bobo was more out of it then maybe people wouldn't have a problem with it. He said Bobo is like the every man.

Jon asked Benjy if he's going to listen to Howard's advice about eating. Benjy said he's going to keep doing what he's doing. He said he actually gained 5 pounds since he started his diet. Benjy said Howard's thing is good for the long term but he's looking for results before then.

Jon asked JD if he's going to listen to what Howard had to say. JD said he likes to eat so he's going to keep eating. Benjy said JD isn't that overweight. He asked if he's gorging at all. JD said he will eat to stay awake. Ronnie was busting JD's balls over the cupcakes he thinks he's eating there. JD said he almost never eats one. Ronnie wasn't sure about that. JD insisted that he hasn't.

Jon asked who sneaks cupcakes and cookies. Ronnie said Gary does it. He said he'll take little pieces a bunch of times. He said he had 2 or 3 of those big cookies they get. Gary said he doesn't eat anything else the rest of the day.

Jon asked JD how much weight he wants to lose. JD said he weighs less than he thought he did. He said he hasn't tried on the suit yet. He said that he was up around 220 but now he's 210. Gary said that's like throwing a chair off the Queen Mary. JD thanked him for that.

Gary asked what JD thinks he should weigh. JD said he'd like to be 175 and cut. Gary asked him to be realistic. JD said he'd be happy to be under 200. Gary asked what he weighed when he was really skinny. JD said he was around 170 or 175 when he started working for them.

Jon had Shuli give them a rundown of what they had coming up on Howard 100 News. Shuli ran down a few stories that they had coming up today. They ended the show a short time later around 11:15am.