Airport staff were celebrating last night in light of the Home Secretary’s decision to increase Britain’s Terror Alert t Status. Recent upgrades which have set this at ‘Likely’ and have caused feelings ranging from incomprehension to panic. However, in one quarter the announcement from the Home Secretary has caused delight and excitement. A spokesman for Cardiff Wales Airport announced yesterday that these new opportunities for condescending attitudes, patronising explanations and customer contempt will be explored and exploited to the very limit. The spokesman went on to add “In the past we’ve done our best to upset our customers, we’ve spoken to them in a curt manner, we’ve gone out of our way to catch people out on baggage allowances and we’ve always been particularly proud of ensuring that passengers waste a great deal of time in queues as we individually slowly explain the bleeding obvious to every single passenger in turn in relation to flight rules and regulations” One of the most exciting areas for development has been the opportunity to expand on jobsworth explanations, one check-in assistant explained “In the past I’ve been able to make up for the fact that the rest of society has rejected me by fussing over minute irrelevant details under the umbrella of ‘just doing my job sir’ now under new rules I am able to roll my eyes, take an over-exaggerated breath before exclaiming ‘this is the situation we are now in madam, these rules and regulations are here for everyone’s safety and protection’ it’s all very exciting” He later went on to admit that a lot more hand luggage bags would be approved “if I’d just been born a couple of inches taller”
Security staff at baggage inspection were similarly thrilled,, Brian Burgess went on to explain “previously these families and business travellers have been breezing through our security area stopping only to pop their bags on scanner and walk through a metal detector, now we get to throw a minor hissy fit because someone brought their own clear plastic bags, didn’t take a laptop out of its case properly or even on a good day forgets to take their keys out of their pockets. It’s very fulfilling for the many of us who had our applications to join the police rejected and thought we’d never get the chance to make people do what we tell them”