FOLLOW US

Regional tension increased by North Britain

The enigmatic leader of North Britain Ai-Lix Sal-Mon has increased diplomatic pressure in the region as he threatens to break all diplomatic relations with the South of the Island. North Britain has become increasingly isolated since the historic division of the country, with its unpredictable leader now seeking to cut his society off completely.

Since coming to power as Glorious First Minister in 2007, he has sought to increase his popularity at home by criticising the more prosperous, ’decadent’ South Britons. At the last People’s General Congress he gave a three hour speech in which he railed against the South’s ‘theft’ of his country’s oil reserves, tennis success and whisky production and warned he will not be held responsible for the safety of southern students performing at the Edinburgh Festival this summer.

‘He knows this bellicose talk goes down well at home’ said UN General Secretary Ban Ki-Moon. ‘Life is very tough north of the border, and Sal-Mon hopes that this aggressive talk will make up for his country’s poverty, appalling weather and abject failure to qualify for the World Cup Finals.

But now Ai-Lix Sal-Mon is alarming world leaders as he threatens to launch deep fried Mars Bars and cans of Irn Bru at the south.

‘We think this is probably just attention seeking’ said an expert on the region. ‘No one would be as insane to actually carry out these threats. The whole point of these lethal foodstuffs is that they are only there as a deterrent. No one would ever actually consume Haggis or Deep Fried Pizza.’