Paul Ryan Leaves Congress To Continue Pursuing His Dream Of Killing The Poor

Washington, D.C. – Outgoing House Speaker Paul Ryan choked back tears in his farewell address. After 20 years in Congress, Ryan never fully accomplished his plans for killing the poorest people in America, and fulfilling Ayn Rand’s dream.

Speaker Ryan came to Congress with one idea in mind, to destroy the social safety net that protects millions of Americans. Heading back to Wisconsin, Ryan is still determined to kill the poor, and he has a compound bow to do it with.

“There’s this veteran who hangs out around the local 7-11 and asks for help. I think I can take him out with an arrow at 3 AM while he has Vietnam flashbacks behind the store dumpster.”

Sources say Ryan should be up and running shortly after January. What will be left in our actual government should be a shit storm. I hope ya’ll are ready. Because this is going to be a Paul Ryan meltdown in front of all TV cameras.

I’d like to say something more pointed, but my mom taught me better. So…bless his heart.