From Eroica With Love #8

Veni, Vidi, Vici

This story begins shortly after the end of
Hallelujah Express. Klaus,
Dorian, and their respective followers have arrived in Rome, and Klaus
is waiting impatiently for the real action of the mission to begin. As
he explains on the phone to the Chief, the work is being delayed by
Dorian, who has been happily playing tourist since their arrival and
refuses to settle down to the serious business of breaking into the
Vatican Palace vault.

The Major is in a rotten mood (even for him.) The Chief is nagging him,
Dorian is unmanageable, and the Italian coffee doesn't compare to his
favorite Nescafé. Mr. A procures some Nescafé, which helps a little,
but when Mr. B reports that Dorian is lounging in the hotel's Roman
bath, Klaus is completely fed up and storms off to find him.

Dorian has the bath -- a sunken affair on the order of a smallish
swimming pool -- all to himself, save for the attendance of James, who
is hanging around to scrub his back and complain about his using too
much soap. Having had his fill of sightseeing, and realizing that
Klaus' mood is reaching the danger point, Dorian decides it's time to
get started on the job. After he finishes his bath, of course.

Klaus bursts into the room, causing James to flee in terror, and
demands that Dorian get out of the bath and get to work at once. Dorian
agrees to get out in a minute, and Klaus, approaching the bath, states
his intention of waiting there until he does. A bar of soap rests on
the edge of the bath, and a deft flick of Dorian's finger sends it
scooting right under Klaus' foot. As Klaus slips and tries to recover
his balance, Dorian tugs at his trouser leg and tumbles him headlong
into the water.

Klaus is soaked and sputtering, but Dorian cheerfully suggests, "Why
don't you take a bath before work, too? You can get to it feeling
refreshed, you know." Chattering happily, he removes Klaus' tie and
gets his shirt unbuttoned and partway off before the Major recovers
from his shock sufficiently to begin struggling. Interestingly, he
doesn't respond by hitting Dorian, or take the simple expedient of
drowning him, but simply tries to get away, yelling, "I don't want a
naked man to touch me!" He only gets as far as the edge of the bath,
with Dorian gamely clinging to him and pulling the shirt farther off
his shoulders. Cornered, Klaus stares like a deer in the headlights as
Dorian moves in very close to him and murmurs, "Jet black hair...the
color of wet crow's feathers.... Very sexy.... You're dripping wet, and
it gives me a tingle in my spine just to watch you drip.... Major...."

Klaus apparently makes a final, successful bid for escape, because in
the next panel we see him standing well across the room, his back
resolutely turned to Dorian, and complaining of "chills". Dorian, all
innocence ("Weren't you going to wait here until I get out of the
bath?"), is toweling himself off.

Freshly dressed, Dorian emerges from the bathroom and suggests that the
dripping Klaus go change his clothes while Dorian has breakfast in the
hotel restaurant. James resurfaces and orders a huge breakfast (so he
can last without any later on), but he and Dorian have barely ordered
when Klaus, now dry, comes charging in and nags them to hurry. He
smokes a cigarette and taps his foot impatiently, while James drinks
coffee straight from the pot and Dorian decides that he's lost his
appetite. They leave the restaurant, James neatly passing the check to
Klaus on the way out.

Klaus insists on accompanying Dorian on the job, but has second
thoughts when he sees Dorian's car -- a very flashy red Ferrari. With
an air of martyrdom, Klaus finally gets into the car and they drive off
into the chaotic Roman traffic. Dorian rhapsodizes about the history of
Rome, James whines about keeping to the "economic speed", and Klaus
gripes about how he'd rather be driving on the Autobahn in a Benz.

They are interrupted by a barrage of honking from a car behind them -- a
black hearse. Klaus, irritated, yells, "Stop honking, you geek!"
whereupon the hearse passes them and then swings in front, forcing them
to stop. The driver gets out to confront them, demanding, "Who called
me a geek? Say it again, will you?" He is a tall, blond man with a
prominent scar on his left cheek, wearing a rather loud striped suit,
and is accompanied by a short, bald fellow dressed as a priest.

Dorian and James appear to recognize the man. Klaus doesn't, and is
pointedly unimpressed, obligingly calling him a "geek" several more
times. The man looses his temper and reaches for a gun in a shoulder
holster, but the priest stops him and begs him not to make a scene. "Do
as the priest says," puts in Klaus. "If you show that off too often,
it'll look cheap." Behind him, Dorian whispers that the man is from the
Italian police, and suggests that they leave. They drive off, leaving
the man glaring suspiciously after them while the priest records the
car's license number.

Dorian explains that the man is Franco Giuliani, or "Detective Casket"
of the Italian police. His sidekick, Fra Angelico, is described as an
"ex-priest", and the two of them pursue their cases in the hearse, with
a casket in the back which is used to hold captured malefactors. Klaus
tells Dorian to be careful, since it would endanger the mission if he
were caught by the Italian police. Dorian replies that he wouldn't want
to be caught by a man as vulgar as Giuliani anyhow.

According to a copy of an ancient document which Dorian has studied,
there is a secret passage into the Vatican Palace from one of the
catacombs along the Appian Way. After dark, Klaus and Dorian arrive at
the entrance to the cave which contains the catacombs. They are
accompanied by James and agents A and B, who remain on watch at the
entrance while the other two venture inside. As they head into the
cave, James calls out after them, "My lord! Please don't rape the Major
in the dark!" This triggers a fit of paranoia in Klaus, who hadn't
considered that possibility, and he makes Dorian swear to God not to
"do anything indecent in the catacombs." They then continue inside,
Dorian commenting offhandedly, "By the way, Major, I happen to be an
atheist." "So am I," replies Klaus.

Dorian and Klaus proceed through the skull-heaped catacombs, occupying
themselves as usual by bickering. They finally reach a cramped, dead-end
tunnel. Dorian says that the Borgia Apartments in the palace should
be just above them, and Klaus starts to dig through the tunnel's
ceiling. He is not pleased at being spattered by the dirt and rocks
which fall down on him, but Dorian tells him, "Take a bath when we get
back to the hotel. I'll wash you myself." [Dorian has apparently
decided that baths are a promising environment for what he has in
mind.] Klaus threatens, "I'll get to you when this mission's over!" but
just then, the shovel hits something solid -- the floor of a building
overhead. The hidden door which Dorian claims should be there shows no
inclination to budge, so Klaus breaks through it with the shovel.

Climbing through the hole into a brightly lighted room, Klaus freezes
in astonishment when he sees where he is: a bathroom occupied by a
young woman, wearing a towel and nothing else. She's even more stunned
than he is, and after a moment's shocked silence she opens her mouth to
scream. Klaus grabs her and claps his hand over her mouth, while her
struggles threaten to dislodge the towel. He tries to hand her over to
Dorian, who has emerged behind him, but Dorian panics at the idea of
holding onto a naked woman. Suddenly, a young man enters the room and
demands to know what they are doing to his sister. Klaus and Dorian
make a rush for the door, leaving the girl to scream, and go charging
through the house, down the street, and over a wall to escape.

Klaus contacts A and B by radio and orders them to leave the catacombs
and go back to the hotel with James. He berates Dorian for his blunder,
and Dorian says the manuscript he looked at must have contained errors
from being recopied over 500 years. He plans to check the original
documents to see where they went astray. Meanwhile, he notices a red
smear on Klaus' hand, and asks whether the woman has bitten him. Klaus
realizes that it's her lipstick, and is revolted. He refuses to wipe it
on a handkerchief ("It'll get dirty!"), and instead tries to wash it
off in the nearby Tiber River. While he scrubs at his hand, Dorian
fantasizes about the Renaissance and how bodies of assassinated kings
and nobles were thrown into this very river. "If you'd lived in that
time, you would've been a very scary monarch who'd constantly make wars
everywhere," he tells Klaus, and imagines himself as "the gorgeous
thieftain who terrorizes midnight Rome." [I'm not at all sure
"thieftain" is a word, but it's in the translation and I like it.]

Klaus is unimpressed by dramatic fantasies. Looking out at the river,
he exclaims, "Hey, there's a body floating over there!" When Dorian
turns to look, Klaus says "Oh, it's here," and neatly pushes him into
the water. "Indulge in a fantasy of wops 500 years ago there," he
adds. "My thanks for the entire day today." He stalks off, leaving a
dripping and annoyed Dorian to muse over what will happen between them
when this mission is over.

At a police station, Franco Giuliani and his colleagues are discussing
the report turned in by the young woman, Lucrezia, and her family. The
descriptions have enabled them to identify one of the intruders as
Eroica (his photograph is in his file), but the police are puzzled as
to what Eroica could have been after, since there was nothing of
artistic value present. The other man is still a puzzle. A police
artist has produced a sketch from the descriptions, and while the
artist has made the face far too "pretty", Giuliani recognizes the man
in the Ferrari he had confronted earlier. The girl heard Eroica address
him as "Major", and this and the sketch are all they have to go on.
Giuliani, however, vows to capture them both.

At the Vatican Library, we see a group of nuns approach. Their
leader -- suspiciously tall and with a very familiar face -- tells the monk in
charge that they are from the Cecilia convent, and they are allowed to
proceed into the library. The last one in stealthily hangs up a sign
saying "The library is closed today for rearrangement," and locks the
door behind them. Inside, a couple of librarians tell the nuns they may
not go into a certain room without a special permit, but the nuns
(Eroica's gang, of course), placing masks over their faces, release a
soporific gas which quickly renders the other occupants of the library
unconscious. The gang proceeds efficiently through various old volumes,
researching the location of the secret passage. All except for James,
that is -- wearing a habit covered with patches, he is happily
collecting vases, candlesticks, and anything else he might be able to
sell, until Dorian catches him, retrieves the objects, and boots him
out of the library. Outside, James sets up a shoeshine stand and
garners a few cents by telling tourists they may not enter the Chapel
with dirty shoes.

Near the fountain at St. Peter's Piazza, Klaus is waiting impatiently
for Dorian, who had left a message that morning saying to meet him
there at 3:00. Klaus hears a voice call, "Major!" and turns to see a
nun, whom he does not recognize. "Have you forgotten? It's me, look!"
says the nun. Klaus, mentally recalling various nuns he has met, is
still drawing a blank. "Are you really an intelligence agent?"
Dorian asks, and Klaus finally catches on.

Dorian reports that he's discovered the true location of the secret
passage. In fact, it is directly under their feet -- it runs underneath
St. Peter's Piazza. The entry is in the basement of a department store,
but is blocked with concrete. They have no choice but to dig in the
Piazza itself, but have to be able to do so without exciting suspicion.
Dorian details his plan....

Night: we see a helicopter, manned by some of Klaus' subordinates,
hovering over St. Peter's Piazza. They are very hesitant about what
they're being asked to do, but Klaus orders them to get on with it.

The next morning, news reports detail the act of vandalism which
occurred during the night: someone has painted a large, fluorescent
pink kiss-mark on the stones of St. Peter's Piazza. The paint resists
any kind of solvent, and the Papal Palace has announced that it will
have the affected flagstones removed and replaced immediately.

Dorian is quite pleased with the way things are going, but Klaus is
dreadfully embarrassed by the graffiti, created with special ultra-durable
paint obtained from NATO. The Eroica gang assume their
disguises as nuns again and head out to waylay the trucks of the
construction team heading for the Piazza, while Mr. Z tries to reassure
Klaus.

The construction workers are flagged down by a group of nuns, who
explain that their car has fallen in the river and ask for help. The
workers are willing to be of assistance, but are taken by surprise when
"Sister Eroica" pulls out a gun and demands their trucks.

At the Piazza, several priests are awaiting the arrival of the
construction crew. They are relieved when the trucks pull up, and
readily agree to cooperate when the foreman -- Klaus -- asks them to
stay out of the area while the work is going on, for safety. The
workmen, consisting of both the alphabets and Eroica's gang, erect a
scaffold around the graffiti with sheets stretched over it to hide the
construction area. Inside, Klaus orders the men to start removing the
stones to hunt for the underground passage. Operating a jack-hammer
himself, he tells Dorian, "If we don't find the passage this time,
you'll be dead meat."

One of the alphabets comes running up to announce that they've discovered
the passage. Klaus orders the team to keep pretending to work until he
returns, and not to let anyone come near. He and Dorian drop down into
the tunnel (after first changing out of their construction-worker
clothes; Klaus is in a suit again, and Dorian in one of his close-fitting
black thieving outfits), and Klaus gets nervous again when
Dorian lands right behind him. They squabble a bit, then head down the
tunnel toward the Palace.

This tunnel turns out to be the real thing. At the end of it, they find
an ancient iron-barred window which leads into the Palace. The grating
is old and rickety, and Klaus has no trouble removing it. As they walk
through the Palace, Klaus comments that at least there are no naked
women around. Then he happens to look upward, and is horrified to see
naked men painted all over the ceiling. Dorian explains that it's a
mural by Michelangelo, but Klaus thinks it's disgraceful and indecent.

Dorian asks Klaus to stay behind and wait for him to carry out the
theft. Ever suspicious, Klaus doesn't like this idea at all, but Dorian
assures him, "I won't screw up at this point, for the sake of my own
reputation." Reluctantly, Klaus agrees to remain in the chapel,
disguised as a monk in prayer. Dorian, meanwhile, has changed into the
uniform of the Swiss Guard. (He carried a bag with him through the
tunnel, which presumably contained the clothing as well as other
equipment.) They synchronize their watches and Dorian departs,
promising to return by 20 minutes after midnight.

Klaus paces up and down the chapel, thinking, "I'm glad I'm a monk. If
he'd brought a nun's drag, I'd have knocked him down flat." He glowers
at the offending paintings overhead, and finally sits down and lights a
cigarette. Almost immediately, he hears the steps of an approaching
guard and hurriedly puts out the cigarette and waves away the smoke.
The guard looks in, but leaves after seeing only a praying monk. Klaus,
realizing that the guard won't be back any time soon, re-lights his
cigarette, thinking that it reminds him of his schooldays, smoking
while hiding from the teachers.

Dorian is working. We see him gain access to the room which houses the
vault entrance, and manipulate the controls to turn off the infrared
sensor. He knows that the time lock on the outer door of the main vault
opens for ten minutes at 12:00 midnight, and has timed his visit
accordingly. The doors open right on schedule, leaving Dorian to work
on opening the inner vault door.

Back at the construction site, the two teams pretending to work on the
excavation are startled to see a hearse pull up. Detective Giuliani
approaches them and tells them he's looking for information about two
men, giving them the photograph from Eroica's file and the artist's
sketch of the Major.

Dorian has completed his work in the vault, just in time for the time-lock
to close the doors again. Pocketing the microfilm capsule, he
notes that the next ten minutes are his alone, according to the bargain
he'd made with Klaus, and he sets out in pursuit of his own target.

The alphabets and Eroica's gang are denying any knowledge of the two
men Giuliani is inquiring about. Agents A and B are rather aghast at the
romantically beautified sketch of the Major (though Mr. G likes it).
Giuliani tells them the sketch is of a "rapist maniac with thirteen
previous convictions." Fra Angelico protests this fabrication, but
Giuliani tells him, "Citizens won't cooperate unless we bluff 'em up a
bit." He tells the crew to report to the police if they see anything of
either man, and then departs in the hearse.

In the chapel, Klaus is noting that Dorian is a minute and 35 seconds
late, and wonders whether something has gone wrong. He is startled when
a voice behind him asks, "Is a monk permitted to smoke, Fra Eberbach?"
Klaus starts frantically waving the smoke away before realizing who it
is and greeting Dorian with the usual snarl of "Idiot!" Dorian
cheerfully hands over the microfilm. He apologizes for being a bit
late, saying, "It took me longer than expected to carry this,"
referring to a large bundle wrapped in tapestry which he claims is "The
one-and-only best theft of the century." Klaus is uninterested in
whatever Dorian's been pilfering; now that he has the microfilm, he
just wants to get out of there. He carefully picks up his cigarette
butts, and they depart back through the tunnel.

We see the construction trucks hastily departing from the Piazza. There
is a period of silence, then -- sirens start to blare, guards, priests,
and nuns rush about in consternation at the Palace, and police cars go
whizzing by. Back in the hotel, Klaus wonders what could be going on to
create so much noise at that time of night. He's only mildly curious,
though; his mission is over, and he can go back to Germany. He amuses
himself by wondering whether he should hand Eroica over to Interpol, a
thought which puts him into an excellent mood. It doesn't last long,
though -- he sees his men huddled around a piece of paper, and demands
to know what it is.

Dorian (still carrying his unwieldy, wrapped bundle) and James, walking
down the hotel corridor, are startled by a bellow of "IDIOTS!" They
enter the room to find Klaus in full roar and A and B cowering: it
seems they were looking at the police sketch of Klaus, and he caught a
glimpse of it. He is, to put it mildly, not pleased with the way he was
depicted, and he indignantly shows the sketch to Dorian, who studies it
for a minute and then asks if he can keep it for his "sexy Major
coloring book." Predictably, this does nothing to improve Klaus' mood,
but Dorian tries to soothe him down by reminding him that the mission
is over and he can go back to Germany and forget about the petty
Italian detective.

"By the way, Major, take a look at my harvest," says Dorian, starting
to unwrap his bundle. Just then, Klaus gets a phone call from the
Chief, and is talking to him with only half his attention on Dorian,
who continues to unwind the tapestry while the alphabets and James
crowd around him curiously.

The last layer unfolds, revealing the prize. There is a stunned and
horrified silence, broken only by the Chief, on the phone, querulously
demanding to know what's going on.

Klaus finally recovers his voice: "Y-y-you stole the POPE?!"
And yes, that's just what Dorian has done. His bundle contained the Pope,
unconscious, presumably from one of Dorian's soporifics. General panic
erupts among the alphabets, but Dorian remains serenely pleased with
himself: "Don't you think I'm the very first thief in the world to
steal the Pope?"

The rest of them realize what all the commotion outside is about. The
Chief orders Klaus to return the Pope immediately, and never let anyone
know NATO was involved with this. Dorian, playing innocently with his
curls, says, "I just picked him up as a souvenir for sneaking into the
Palace. Was it that bad?" Klaus explodes at him, and Dorian agrees to
return the Pope. The question is how to do it; Klaus has already
blocked the passage they used with concrete (to discourage further
depredations by Dorian). James suggests they just "leave him around
somewhere", but Dorian has a better idea: "If an important object's
stolen, it should be reported to the police, shouldn't it?" Klaus
doesn't want to deal with "that morgue detective," but then Dorian
explains what he has in mind. "You really are a man of pure malice,
aren't you? What a nasty trick," says Klaus -- then tells him to go
ahead.

Detective Giuliani is out cruising around in his hearse, discussing the
kidnapping with Fra Angelico. Suddenly a motorcycle zooms by; the rider
is Eroica, all decked out in black leather, who waves tauntingly as he
passes. Giuliani recognizes him at once, and sets out in pursuit. The
motorcycle enters a cemetery and takes off through the tombstones,
where the car can't follow. Giuliani and Angelico are about to follow on
foot when they see James approaching on a ramshackle, squeaky bicycle.
They promptly confiscate the bike and ride off on it, leaving James
(whom they don't know) wailing in protest. After a minute, Klaus
emerges from hiding and tells him to shut up. James continues to
lament; the kindhearted Mr. Z feels sorry for him, but Klaus is
unsympathetic. Mr. A reports to Klaus that he has called the police, as
instructed.

Giuliani and Angelico return to their hearse on the squeaky bicycle,
having been unable to find Eroica. As Fra Angelico puts the bicycle in
the back of the hearse, he notices that the lid of the casket is ajar.
Before he can investigate, a whole squad of police cars come roaring
up, sirens wailing. The Superintendent emerges from one of them and
orders Giuliani to move away from the casket, saying they've received
information from a "good citizen". They carefully lift out and open the
casket, to reveal the missing Pope, who is just waking up. The Pope is
puzzled; Giuliani and Angelico are horrified.

Back at police headquarters, Giuliani is being questioned. He
frantically denies having had anything to do with the kidnapping, and
blames it all on Eroica. Before anything can be resolved, Giuliani is
summoned to the Papal Palace for further questioning. He vows revenge
against Eroica and the mysterious "Major".

The Piazza is crowded with people murmuring about the recent
kidnapping. Dorian and James have come out to have a look around, and
they meet Klaus there. He tells them the Papal Palace has summoned all
the intelligence agencies for a meeting, and he will have to attend to
represent NATO. He is not at all pleased about this, and threatens,
"I'll get you, Lord Gloria," before stomping off toward the Palace,
leaving Dorian looking wistfully after him.

His reverie is interrupted by the now-familiar siren of Giuliani's
hearse, which is just pulling up. James starts to run toward it, intent
on retrieving his precious squeaky bicycle, but Dorian restrains him. A
crowd of representatives from the Palace are examining the hearse as
Klaus walks by with some other intelligence agents. Giuliani catches
sight of him and immediately starts clamoring at the Superintendent
that Klaus is Eroica's partner, the man in the sketch. "He doesn't look
one bit like him," says the Superintendent, looking at the sketch, and
adds that Klaus is an officer with NATO intelligence -- "If you mess
with him, you'll be in big trouble." Giuliani is still certain that this
is the man, especially after the Superintendent refers to him as "Major
Eberbach".

A couple of plainclothes officers are keeping watch over the hearse,
with the bicycle standing near it. James, whose one-track mind is
fixated on recovering the bicycle, sneaks up, makes a sudden dart, and
rides quickly away on it. The police are puzzled at anyone wanting to
steal the thing, but take off after him anyway. James heads straight
for Dorian, who is relaxing on a bench. The officers running after him
see Dorian and recognize him from the search directive as Eroica. He
starts to make a run for it, but the police grab James and threaten to
kill him. Dorian stops and surrenders.

In the Papal Palace, representatives of various intelligence and
government agencies are conferring. They are puzzled by the kidnapping,
since the Pope was returned without the kidnappers having made any
demands. Klaus suggests that perhaps it was intended as a warning, and
that there will be more abductions of high officials soon. The
discussion is interrupted by Giuliani entering the room. He orders
Eroica brought in, explains that this is the prime suspect in the
kidnapping, and accuses Klaus of being his partner and accomplice.

Klaus turns to Dorian and asks, "Why do you always muck around near me?
The police even think I'm your partner 'cause you hang around me."
Dorian hesitates, asking, "Can I really say it? You won't like it,
though," but Giuliani urges him to speak out. So, Dorian gives Klaus his
answer: "'Cause I love you...."

"Good reason," says Klaus, absolutely deadpan, as he tosses away his
cigarette. Without further ado, he lands a vicious right cross to
Dorian's jaw, knocking him halfway across the conference table. Klaus
collars him, yelling, "How many times have I got in trouble because of
you?!" but before he can inflict further violence, Giuliani intervenes
and starts to remove Dorian from the room. "Never show up in my
sight -- understood?" says Klaus, before the door slams.

The conference is thoroughly disrupted by all this commotion, and the
various representatives break off to chatter about it. They are much
amused by Eroica's being in love with Major Eberbach, and seem quite
convinced that the latter had no part in the kidnapping plot. There is
one exception, though: a KGB agent who tells Klaus it was "a very
interesting show," but makes it clear he regards the whole scene as a
piece of dramatic acting. "I will avenge for Misha the Cub," he says,
before walking away.

Klaus is concerned that Dorian may reveal what he knows about the
mission to the police. He orders agent B to obtain the structural plan
of the police headquarters, and to find out where Dorian is locked up.
Mr. A brings him a newspaper which features an account of the
kidnapping case and a prominent picture of Dorian. "I should have hit
you a few more times," mutters Klaus, staring intently at it. Shortly
thereafter, Mr. A is startled to see his superior vigorously punching
the photo in the paper.

In his jail cell, Dorian is recovering from Klaus' punch. The swelling
has gone down, but he's still sore and a bit depressed. James, who has
been tossed into the same cell, is ranting against Klaus; he can't see
why Dorian didn't admit to everyone that Klaus was his partner and get
him into trouble, too. Dorian points out that if he did that, they
wouldn't get the 100 million marks. James promptly changes his mind,
begs Dorian not to reveal anything, and occupies himself trying to dig
out of the cell with a spoon. Dorian assumes that Klaus, caring only
for his mission, has by now headed back to Germany.

A guard fetches Dorian from the cell and takes him to an office for
interrogation. He is roughly questioned by a group of Italian
detectives, led by Giuliani, but they are interrupted by the entrance of
the Superintendent General, who orders Dorian to come with him (over
Giuliani's protests.)

The Superintendent General tells Dorian he has a visitor -- a "very
scary friend". Dorian is excited at the thought that it must be Klaus,
but when they enter the Superintendent's office the visitor is revealed
as Gian-Maria Volovolonte, a powerful Mafia boss who also happens to be
an admirer of Dorian's. [We met him previously in
Dramatic Spring.]
Volovolonte greets Dorian affectionately, and promises to help him. He
has an "understanding" with the police, and has already made it clear
that he wants Dorian freed; the Superintendent isn't happy about it,
but says he can't neglect a request from a boss as powerful as
Volovolonte and promises to make arrangements.

The KGB agent who spoke to Klaus earlier is watching the police station
and sees Volovolonte leaving. He tells his subordinate that they must
not let the Mafia rescue Eroica -- the KGB wants him to provide
evidence which will destroy Iron Klaus. Meanwhile, agents B and G are
observing the KGB men, and report their presence (and Volovolonte's) to
Klaus.

While Klaus mulls over the situation, a television in the background
plays a news broadcast about the kidnapping, featuring a picture of
Eroica. Klaus stares at it and picks up his gun, but Mr. A jumps
between him and the TV, begging him not to shoot at it and create a
disturbance. Klaus denies that he had any such intention, but to
himself he thinks, "Shit! He interfered!" Further talk about Eroica on
the broadcast arouses his ire again, but Mr. A is on the watch and once
more obstructs the line of fire. Klaus considers sending him to Alaska:
"He knows too much about his boss's behavior patterns."

Protest groups, which show every sign of turning into a lynch mob, have
gathered around the police station where Dorian is being held. Klaus
observes them from a nearby corner, and notes the KGB agent is also in
the crowd.

At two o'clock in the morning, the crowd has dispersed and all is
quiet. The Superintendent General has Dorian and James brought from
their cell, telling Giuliani that they're to be taken to the public
prosecutor's office now, to avoid the mob. Giuliani complains about the
move, but is allowed to accompany them. They set out in a car, and Mr.
Z, observing nearby, reports their departure to Klaus -- and the fact
that the KGB men are following. Klaus, driven by Mr. A, sets out to
intercept.

On a deserted road in Borghese Park, the police car is stopped by a
burst of gunfire from a line of trenchcoated men blocking the way:
Volovolonte's henchmen. They order the Superintendent to release
Eroica. He complies, but Giuliani has conniptions and is not at all
inclined to let his prisoner get away so easily. Meanwhile, the KGB
agents watch from behind some bushes.

As Dorian and James approach the Mafia men, Giuliani suddenly whips out
his gun and fires at them. The two dive for the ground, and the Mafiosi
assume Dorian has been shot. They promptly open fire on the police car,
with the Superintendent, Giuliani, and Fra Angelico hiding behind it and
attempting to return fire. Dorian and James, actually untouched, try to
crawl over to the bushes and escape. They are spotted by Giuliani, who
starts to fire at them, but the KGB men -- not wanting Eroica damaged -- join
the fray and start shooting at Giuliani, who dodges. [No one in
this entire scene, with one predictable exception, shows any signs of
marksmanship at all. Bullets are flying everywhere, and no one even gets
nicked.]

Dorian and James try to run away through the trees, but they are
pursued by the furious Giuliani, who has evaded the KGB gunfire. He
closes in to where he has a clear shot at Dorian; he aims and prepares
to fire, when another shot rings out and his gun is blasted out of his
hand. This is too much for Giuliani, who demonstrates the better part of
valor and runs for it, followed by a few more shots.

Dorian is left standing in the clearing, watching his latest rescuer
approach: Klaus, his automatic in his hand and a grimly determined look
on his face. He comes closer and closer, raises the gun, and points it
at Dorian's head, almost touching his face. They stand there in silence
for a minute, staring at each other; then Klaus lowers the gun and puts
it away. "Guess not," he says. "'S different from a TV screen."

Much shaken, Dorian starts laughing weakly and collapses to the ground
for a minute. "Finally, this time," he thinks, "I thought you really
were going to kill me..." Klaus orders him to come on, and they leave
in Klaus' car, dragging along James (who has opportunely fainted.) They
head for the air base, hoping to get out of the country while the
police, Mafia, and KGB are still shooting at each other.

Dorian comments on Klaus not having returned to Germany, but Klaus
insists it was only because he was afraid Dorian would talk to the
police. Dorian is offended at the idea, but takes the same tone and
points out that if he'd talked, he couldn't have collected the 100
million marks.

They pass a statue of Julius Caesar, with "Veni, Vidi, Vici" written on
a plaque below it, and Dorian likes the phrase as a description of
their own victory on the mission. Klaus is unimpressed. Dorian adds,
"When I was caught by that Detective Casket, the moment I saw you
standing in the dark, I knew I'd won. You seemed to me the god of
victory, or the war-god, Mars..." This, Klaus brushes off as
"exaggeration and flattery," but before he can say anything else, he
spots a car following them: the KGB has caught up. Klaus yells at
Dorian to duck, as a couple of bullets shatter the back window, and
tells Mr. A to speed up. Leaning out the door with a machine gun, Klaus
quickly dispatches the KGB car, which plows into a tree.

Back in the park, the battle has wound down. Neither the Mafia nor the
police can find Eroica, and Giuliani is left grumbling about the case
being abandoned, unsolved, as a military plane soars by overhead. The
lead KGB agent is also watching the plane depart. He thinks, "Iron
Klaus, we shall meet again. Next time in a cold country..."

On the plane, Klaus hands a case containing the 100 million marks to
the delighted James. When Mr. A reports that they're over England,
Klaus tells Dorian and James to "get out," pointing to the door of the
still airborne plane. They are taken aback for a minute, but then Klaus
relents and gives them parachutes to put on.

Dorian offers to shake hands ("I know I can't ask for a farewell
kiss,"), but Klaus refuses and says, "Go while I'm still in a good
mood." At the door of the plane, Dorian turns to say, "Then, from
Eroica with lo -- " but is interrupted by Klaus peremptorily kicking him
out the door. "A severely unromantic man," comments Dorian. James is
similarly launched, and Klaus throws the case with the money out after
him. As James clutches it, though, it opens and the 100 million marks
scatter to the four winds. James has hysterics. Back on the plane, Mr.
Z once again feels sorry for him, but Klaus tells him not to
sympathize, saying that James will eventually collect every note of the
money, if it takes him all his life.

One of the men, looking out, reports that Dorian is sending them a
"victory" sign. He is holding what appears to be a belt, and displays
it in triumph. No one is sure what that is supposed to mean, and Klaus
doesn't care -- he enjoyed booting those two out of the plane, and is
looking forward to returning to Germany and a new mission.

Suddenly, however, he realizes that something doesn't feel quite right about
his clothes. His favorite ox-hide belt has vanished, and he is
horrified at the thought that Dorian has taken it right off his waist.

The narrative concludes, "The British sky that morning was filled with
the peacefulness of the spring sunshine." Dorian, belt in hand, waves
"Good luck!" as the plane (and Klaus' ranting) disappears into the
distance, James continues to shriek, and thousands of notes in German
currency drift through the air.