No More Penis Envy

Freud would positively love this webpage. Yes, secretly all women are just dying to be able to pee standing up. All of our lives we watched our brothers and fathers pee against trees and felt inadequate, but now through the wonder of modern technology we can be just as “good as the boys.”

Now that we can stand along side the men we won’t have to face the dangers that come with squatting. Finally technology has found a way to counteract our defective female bodies. Is anyone else suddenly feeling liberated and free?

The new pseudo penises are so small and convenient that they fit in a purse. Imagine that, the joy of two worlds coming together so beautifully, a penis and traditional female luggage. So along with carting a ton of useless shit that we really don’t need, as well as the crap our boyfriends, or husbands ask us to put in there, we can carry around our new dicks.

Think of the freedom that this new convenience will lead to. There will be no more squatting over dirty toilet seats. But even more important than that, there will be no more long line ups to use the bathroom. Instead of going in pairs to the facilities we can grab our girlfriend and visit the nearest bush with the confidence that our new dicks will make it an easy and possibly fun experience. Have I mentioned that we will be able to pee standing up? The overwhelming joy of finally being the equal of a man in a pissing contest, is something I have dreamed about since I discovered that I was born a deformed male. If only Freud were alive today to see his theory of penis envy proved true as we rush out to buy what nature has deprived us of. Between a strap on dildo and this latest concoction women are are finding ways to overcome the disability of being born with a vagina. Now if only we could find a way to fake a cum shot, the world would be completely equal.

Thanks to the new disposable dick, there will be no need to demand that establishments keep cleaner bathrooms and make sure that there is toilet paper in each stall. There will be no need to ask for more facilities so that women don’t have to wait in such long lines. The new female dick will ensure that women finally will no longer be in need of “special privileges”.

Women only make 70 cents for every dollar that a man makes but spending $4.50 Canadian to achieve this new equality seems worth it doesn’t it? So when your boss asks you to make coffee or calls you sweetie, you can whip your new dick out of your purse and demand he treat you like the man you have always wanted to be. Just ignore the breasts and the ovaries, that plastic peeing dick will make you a “legitimate man” in the eyes of patriarchy. Don’t forget to revert to a woman when you return home. It is important that you continue to do more household labour than your husband and spread your legs on command. It is important to remember that while you may be seeking equality, the capitalist system is still highly dependent on free female labour. Lets face it we can only push this equality thing so far. For now though we can all celebrate the fact that female equality has take a huge leap forward with this wondrous product. One small leak for woman, one large piss for womankind…ahhhh someone point me towards the nearest urinal.