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Monday, July 17, 2017

Crucial
Conversations by Kerry Patterson, Joseph
Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler is the book that covers the curriculum of
the Construction Law Class’s third module at BYU Idaho. This paper will
summarize the book; then, the author will commit himself to improving his
communication skills based on the concepts taught in the book. The following
subjects, summarizing the literature of the book, are as listed: the definition
of Crucial Conversations, the Pool of Shared Meaning, self-awareness within
conversations, awareness of others’ behaviors within unsafe conversations,
restoration of safety, a path to the resolution of personal Stories, a method
to address Crucial Conversations with others, the conversion of a conversation
into action, and the integration of all of the principles in individual's lives.
The teaching of this book are very applicable to man’s life because the skills
overcome the weakness of humanity. The author of this paper will explain how he
will master crucial conversations after summarizing the book.

A
Crucial Conversation is the term given by the authors to establish the topic of
the book. It is important to gain skill in these conversations because most people
lose control of themselves when they come up. Crucial Conversations arise when
opinions differ, emotions untemper, and stakes rear. The terminology is this
literature is not too unique.

The
authors set forth the phrase Pool of Shared Meaning to build understanding.
When people associate with each other, people have a shared Pool of Meaning. The
depth of it is based on how safe the people feel together. The Pool of Shared
Meaning is the combination of people's thoughts and ideas. The reaction of
people to unsafe situations are violence or silence. Violence is verbal abuse
usually, and silence is a withdrawal of individuals input. Self-awareness, when
people contribute to a Pool of Shared Meaning, is important because people’s
comfort depends of each individuals’ participation.

People
are very habitual, and their relationship to a Pool of Meaning may not be as
they intend. Self-awareness can help reduce individuals’ faulty habits.
Self-awareness requires a higher level of consciousness as do true
conversations. When people converse by habits, they do not truly listen,
sympathizing with each other. We must get over automating thoughts and
projecting our motives on people. One must be sincere with oneself, evaluating
their personal motives. People feel unsafe when an individuals’ habits are
automated, and they try to manipulate other people’s behavior. Other tendencies
that we should be careful of is personal pride. Do not seek to raise personal
intelligence above others by trying to “win” a conversation or seeking revenge.
People need to avoid the “Sucker’s Choice”, when people feel that they need to
be violent or silent. There is a third option to consider solutions through
dialogue. Think of a solution to the situation, which is making you react
violently or silently. The way that we handle ourselves is important, and we
can use our skills to handle conversations with other people too.

Another
rise in an individual’s consciousness is the awareness of others. The book calls
to watch the contents and the conditions of the Pool of Shared Meaning and
conversations. The content of a conversation is easily understood as the topics
and the precepts of the discussion. The condition of a conversation may not be
easy to understand without clarification. The condition of a conversation
eludes to the feel among the people. The most important part of the condition is
the feeling of safety. Be aware of the signs that indicate that the
conversation may become crucial. The signs are very subtle, but there is a
different demeanor in individuals when the condition of safety has been pushed
too much. It may be seen in their tone of voice or behavior.

When
people feel unsafe, they usually go in to a violent or silent mode. The most
common three ways that silence are expressed are masking, avoiding, and
withdrawing. Masking is the behavior of downplaying or hiding parts of
individual’s true opinion. Sarcasm is a type of masking. Avoiding the Crucial
Conversation is not a physical but a verbal avoidance of the sensitive
subjects. Withdrawal is a physical pulling out of a conversation. It may
include leaving the room or withdrawing participation in the conversation.
There are also three common ways of verbal violence. They include the following
types of violence: controlling, labeling, and attacking. Controlling involves
pressuring people to think a specific way. Labeling is stereotyping or
categorizing in a dismissive attitude. Attacking entails belittling and
threatening. We should learn to sight these offenses in people’s conduct before
the conversation turns crucial.

When
these acts of violence and silence arise between people, it is important to
address the problem directly with sincerity. The development of mutual purpose
and respect is important to restore safety. Seek unity in the conversation.
Apologies can be helpful, and contrasting can make the desires of individuals
clear. Form “I don’t” or “I do want” statements to understand each other with
contrasting. The authors of the book developed the acronym of CRIB to help
people remember a recommended path to mutual purpose. The CRIB acronym
symbolizes the following words: Commit to Mutual Purpose, Recognize the Purpose
behind the Strategy, Invent a Mutual Purpose, and Brainstorm New Strategies.
Strategy is a term of the book’s authors to distinguish the difference between of
our desires and the method to achieve our desires. When we discover the purpose
behind our strategies we can create a mutual purpose, seeking a method to
accomplish it. In order to restore respect, we need to practice forgiveness and
repentance.

Stories
are a term of the book’s authors to teach us that one can misunderstand facts,
getting emotionally driven by their delusion. Stories can result in violence
and silence. We would again need to raise self-awareness. If one retraces how
they got to their story, re-evaluating their facts, they can de-escalate their
emotions and take control of their story. A healthy conversation about a
situation especially when it involves other people can solve issues. The
authors of Crucial Conversations developed another acronym of STATE to help
people de-escalate emotions, opinions, and stakes. The STATE acronym involves
the following steps: Sharing your facts, Telling your story, Asking for others’
paths, Talking Tentatively, and Encouraging testing. The first three are
self-explanatory; therefore, only the last two steps will be explained.
Tentative talk of a story is the recognition that the story is not fact in
conversation. Testing stories from facts can bring clarity and a broader
understanding of the situation, letting wiser decisions to be made.

Another
acronym that the Crucial Conversations’ authors came up with to help us resolve
dilemmas with others is AMPP. The
acronym AMPP symbolizes the following steps: Ask to get things rolling, Mirror
to confirm feelings, Paraphrase to acknowledge the story, and Prime when you
are getting nowhere. These steps are skills of listening. It requires
sincerity. The people that this method is supposed to be used on are violent
and silent, needing safety and trust restored. Ask to get things rolling is an
invitation for them to express themselves. If they do, sympathize with them. A
sign and skill of listening is paraphrasing the story to get mutual understanding.
Priming is a guess at what silent people are thinking to get things started,
but this practice should not be the first step. It is after the first three
steps fail. After the conversation is started, the ABC acronym is used to solve
the problem; standing for Agree, Build, and Compare. Agree is the agreeing on
facts; then, build upon to fill in the issues of fact until the parties are
united. When disagreement continues, a comparison of paths is important rather
than deem them as wrong. The book recommends that you practice the STATE
acronym at that point.

As
people participate in a Pool of Shared Meaning people feel an ownership in the
pool. People need to be careful of making decisions based on the Pool of
Meaning if individuals are left out of the decision process. The decision
process should be decided upon before the decision is made. The main methods of
decision are command, consult, vote, and consensus. Be careful of the feelings
of each party member. Voting begets winners and losers.

There
are seven principles to the Crucial Conversations book, and its authors found
that people that successfully implement the discipline do two at a time until
it is habitual. The first level is to apply CRIB or STATE to oneself, and the
second level seek safety in their conversations. The author of the paper has
personally used AMPP on his social network pages to get feedback. The audience
can be silent especially because the page shares an article every two hours. The
author as the administrator of the social network guessed at what the audience
was thinking, asking for feedback. A sister gave good feedback, saying that the
content was hard to keep up with for the audience. The administrator found
another way to share all the content effectively in one post. The administrator
has always wanted to expand the page’s influence to other popular social
networks, and the simplification found from the feedback enables all the
desired social network pages to be active.

The
author of the paper’s plan is to apply two of the seven principles as the
authors of the book recommend for success. The author plans to not fall into
the “Sucker’s Choice” of silence or violence, but I will find the third option.
Secondly, the author would like to master CRIB to have more productive
relationships with other people. He is grateful for the self-awareness that the
book has raised in his life, planning to refer to and study the book as a
Crucial Conversations reference manual.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

A most
common name that comes to mind when it comes to who is the most influential
person is Martin Luther King Junior. Our lifestyle has largely been influenced
by him. The society that Doctor King described in his speeches are unfathomable
today, and the change in the civilization of the United States of America due
to Martin’s work was practically instantaneous. The following quote is an
excerpt from his most famous speech at the Alabama State Capital Building:

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its
governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition"
and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black
boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and
white girls as sisters and brothers. (King 1963)

Since
Martin Luther King Junior was murdered on April 4, 1968, he was only able to
witness his dream become reality for about three years. The revolution was
still an infant. This literature will evaluate the types of influences that he
used. The construction capstone class curriculum exposed several. There are
ways to influence people that are not motivating, and these were revealed to the
author before he made the list of Mister King’s powers. It is interesting that
he did not use the powers are not truly motivating. These powers are reward,
coercive, legitimate, information, and ecological power. The powers that Martin
Luther King did not use will not be explained. His truly motivating powers is
his notoriety of his personal power and position. Referent power comes from his
integrity, and his expert power come from his intelligent exercise of his
scholarship. The proceeding paragraphs will address his powers in the order
given next: expert, personal, position, and referent. Expert power will be the
first power addressed because it is easily separated from the other powers, and
the power is least influential without it being combined with others.

“Unique
knowledge of how to perform tasks or solve problems is at the heart of expert
power.” (Sessions 2014) Martin Luther King’s journey for equality started
at age seventeen in the church, giving his first speech, where his father was a
pastor, as he was studying Sociology at Morehouse College. Benjamin E Mays was
the president of the college, inspiring him to pursue social justice. After a
second bachelor’s degree, the first was Sociology and the second was at Crozer
Theological Seminary, Martin achieved a PhD in Theology at Boston University.
He developed his expertise in social action since his teenage years. His social
justice agenda had the right to vote as the solution to all of Jim Crow laws
and persecutions. At that time Lyndon Johnson was the President of the United
States of America. The following quote from the Selma movie paints the image as
he spoke to President Johnson, proceeding a church bombing, which killed four
young girls:

Because
there have been thousands of racially motivated murders in the South, including
those four girls… And you know the astounding fact that not one of these
criminals who murder us when and why they want has ever been convicted. ... Not
one conviction because they are protected by white officials chosen by an
all-white electorate. And on the rare occasions that they face trial, they are
freed by all-white juries. All-white because you can't serve on a jury unless
you are registered to vote. (Selma 2014)

His expertise in Sociology, Law, and Theology as he was a
pastor gave him great skill in writing speeches. He knew how to inspire a
congregation, but his power could not come without his personal integrity. The
following paragraphs will describe his personal powers such as his position and
referent.

The
influence practiced by “personal power is directly associated with a person's
behavior, traits, and characteristics.” (Sessions 2014) An example of his
personal power is when Jimmie Lee Jackson was murdered for participating in a
march against the persecution of black people. He visited his family personally.
His demeanor was humble as he spoke to his father, saying “There are no words
to soothe you, Mr. Lee. There are no words. But I can tell you one thing for
certain. God was the first to cry. He was the first to cry for your boy.” Martin
Luther King Junior’s personal power was also expressed in his meetings with the
President of the United States of America. He would confront President Johnson
with a very deliberate agenda. His persistence got
the president to see that legislations needed to be given executively. The
president was in a power struggle with Martin Luther King until King’s movement
was so momentous that the president’s “War on Poverty” was delayed. The word
“fate” in the following quotation of President Lyndon Johnson indicates that he
was compelled by Martin Luther King, making “history” to force executive action:

I speak tonight for the
dignity of man and the destiny of democracy. At times, history and fate meet at
a single time in a single place. So it was last week in Selma, Alabama. There,
long suffering men and women peacefully protested the denial of their rights as
Americans. Rarely in any time does an issue lay bare the secret heart of
America itself. The issue for equal rights for the American Negro is that
issue. For this issue, many of them were brutally assaulted. There is no Negro
problem. There is no Southern problem. There is only an American problem. The
Constitution says that no person shall be kept from voting because of his race
or color. To correct the denial of this fundamental right, this Wednesday, I
will send to Congress a law designed to eliminate these illegal barriers. The
bill will strike down voting restrictions in all elections, federal, state and
local. And we shall do this. We shall overcome. (Johnson 1965)

According
to Lyndon Johnson comprehensive legislation was passed more than six months
earlier to resolve the persecution of black people; however, it had little
influence on state practices. As “history,” which the author analogizes to
refer to Martin Luther King, and “fate,” which he analogizes to refer to
President Lyndon Johnson, Martin’s “personal power is directly associated
with [his] person's behavior, traits, and characteristics,” (Sessions 2014)
compelling this speech by the President of the United States of America.

“Position
power is a person's authority in connection with his or her position or title
in an organization.” (Sessions 2014) As Martin
King researched the best location to start his march to a state or national
capital, he found that Selma, Alabama was the city. He sought a coalition with The
Student Non-Violent Coordinating Committee in Selma to gain a greater
following. The leaders of the SNCC
resisted Martin Luther King’s team, saying “Maybe we should just leave Selma...”
(Selma 2014) One reason that the SNCC resisted is that MLK’s team failed in Albany.
After the team’s negotiation fizzled, Martin observed the situation.
Approaching the leaders of The Student Non-Violent
Coordinating Committee, he said the following Selma film transcript quote:

Enough
of this now. I haven't the time for this. None of us got the time for this. John.
James. The way our organization works is straightforward. We negotiate. We
demonstrate. We resist. And on our best days, our adversary helps the matter by
making a mistake. Now, we were in Albany for nine months and we made a lot of mistakes.
But their sheriff, Laurie Pritchett, he never made a mistake. Kept his cool, kept
arresting us in a humane way, carried people to the jail-wagons on stretchers. Day
in, day out. There was no drama.

You
mean there was no cameras.

Exactly.
Now I know, we all understand, that you young people believe in working in the
community long-term. Doing the good work to raise black consciousness. It's
good grassroots work. I can't tell you how much we admire that. But what we do is
negotiate, demonstrate, resist. And a big part of that is raising white
consciousness. And in particular the consciousness of whichever white man happens
to be sitting in the Oval Office. Right now, Johnson has other fish to fry and
he'll ignore us if he can. The only way to stop him doing that is by being on
the front page of the national press every morning and by being on the TV news every
night. And that requires drama. Now... John. James. Answer me one question. I've
been told the sheriff in this town isn't like Laurie Pritchett in Albany. He's
a big ignorant bully like Bull Connor in Birmingham. Well, you tell me. You
know Selma. You know Sheriff Jim Clark. Is he Laurie Pritchett? Or is he Bull
Connor? (Selma 2014)

In this meeting Martin Luther King displayed a few influences.
Informational and position powers was shown as well as a rational persuasion.
Another influence that was expressed is that Martin was the higher management support
that his team needed to achieve the coalition. MLK told James and John what
happened in Albany; said their appreciation, revealing his personal friendly
nature; and taught the methodology of his campaign. It took a while to win the
full support of The Student Non-Violent Coordinating
Committee, but Martin’s input in the negotiation was a good start compared to
leaving Selma. A personal scene in the movie had showed the referent power and
personal relationship with a leader of the SNCC.

“Referent power occurs when a follower wants
to be like or closely associate with the leader and demonstrate strong loyalty
towards the leader.” (Sessions 2014) The
campaign was straining on Martin King. Sometimes he would express discouragement
in difficult times. After a march demonstration failure, he went on a drive
with John Lewis, the SNCC leader. The following quote is a display of his
loyalty towards Doctor King:

When I was working with
SNCC on the Freedom Rides, the Montgomery bus reached the city limits. We got
off. And out of nowhere, from all directions, they came. There was men, women. Kids,
too. They had just about every makeshift weapon you could think of. I mean,
bats, bricks, tire irons, pipes. I remember... I remember this little girl just
clawing her nails into the side of my friend Jessie's face while her daddy... Her
daddy beat him with an ax handle. Jessie was unconscious, and they just kept
beating on him and beating on him. I must've passed out on the asphalt
somewhere. Next day, I found myself patched up and sitting in a church. I could
barely hold my head up, but I needed to be there. You were gonna be speaking. And
I needed to hear you. And I was feeling down, but you got up there. I'm about
to tell you right now. And I hope you hear me. You said that we would triumph. That
we would triumph because there could be no other way. And you know what else
you said? You said, “Fear not. We've come too far to turn back now.” (Selma
2014)

King’s
referent power reflected through John back to him, yet John Lewis was not one
of Doctor King’s main team members. The next quote will illustrate the
comradery between Martin and his close associate. After a demonstration landed
MLK’s team in jail, he asked downheartedly. “What are we doing, Ralphy?” (Selma
2014) Martin’s conversation with his team member is as follows according to the
film:

We
take it piece by piece. Like we been doing. We build the path as we can. Rock
by rock.

This
cell is probably bugged.

It
probably is.

Oh,
Lord. They're gonna ruin me so they can ruin this movement. They are.

Look
at the birds of the air that they do not sow, nor reap, nor gather into barns, and
yet your Heavenly Father doth feed them. Are you not worth much more than they?
And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?

(Selma
2014)

A follower, sustaining their leader, is evident of their devotion.
It is also evident of Martin Luther King’s referent power.

In
conclusion Martin Luther King Junior set the foundation of his life by studying
society with his first bachelor’s degree during his teenage years. He was only
thirty-nine years old when he was murdered, yet he practiced influencing social
justice for more than twenty years. He became an intentional leader, using
meekness with his powers. Martin was a powerful expert, knowing how to execute
influential events, protests, and movements. He had the integrity to lead his
life and other’s lives, saying “I'm no different than anybody else” (Selma
2014) as he refused government protection. His position gave him authority to
use many types of influences to accomplish what he knew what needed to happen.
Martin Luther King’s dream is still a referent power that people feel today,
promoting equality among all races, cultures, and peoples.