When is a Relationship Exclusive – How Do You Know ?

Exactly when is a relationship exclusive? You can tell way more about when a relationship is exclusive by a man’s actions than by his words. Sure some men claim you verbally, but in the beginning you really have to watch his actions as opposed to listening to his words if you want to know where you stand with him.

Anabelle asked this question: “Is it considered “the talk” if you ask a guy if he’d be upset that you’re dating other men? I am in a very gray area with firefighter. It’s been over 3 months. He volunteered that he’s not online, he’s not pursuing anyone because he wants to focus on me, he took me out of town and we had a wonderful time, he wants to introduce me to his family who are asking to meet me, he makes plans in advance, he spends a couple nights a week at my house, he calls me “babe” and makes me feel beautiful, cooks me dinner, fixes things around my house and brings me little gifts **BUT** he hasn’t said, “you’re my woman” or “I don’t want you dating anyone else,” or “I’m falling in love with you,” etc. etc. Exactly when is a relationship exclusive?

We kind of have a don’t ask don’t tell policy because while I’ve definitely cooled it online (closed my Match account and haven’t been on Tinder in a month) there are still a couple guys who text and take me to dinner, etc.

I’m not absolutely 100% I’m ready to be exclusive but I’m starting to stress that I’m somehow being dishonest that I’m talking to other men. So… has firefighter claimed me and I’m just dense?? Or should I wait until I literally hear him say the words to agree to shut down my rotation? Or should I just keep doing what I’m doing and wait for him to literally spell it out for me?”

Bringing up the talk is getting ahead of a guy. And it’s an indication that we are not trusting or not happy with a man’s leadership. Even if you get what you want you’ll be much less satisfied and the relationship won’t be as solid as when a guy leads every step of the way from the start to the finish line.

And here’s the problem, often we are not sure if he thinks we are exclusive or not or he’s claiming us. Many will say not every guy subscribes to the “verbal claiming” philosophy and I would agree. However, a guy who claims us will be so obvious with his actions and he won’t leave us in the dark.

When is a Relationship Exclusive?

He makes it clear he’s courting us. Claiming, more than anything, is really an energy. My boyfriend didn’t really claim me as making proclamation that we were a couple but I had no doubt in my mind he was courting me and I stopped seeing other guys as he intensified his pursuit. He hadn’t called me a girlfriend yet but I knew how he felt about me. In fact the first person he told that I was his girlfriend was the waiter in a Thai restaurant as we were ordering “My girlfriend wanted (so and so).”

By that point we were already exclusive and even if I wanted to see other guys he made sure I couldn’t.

His actions said it all.

So when you feel great about his consistency in stepping up even though he never brought the subject, you could always suspend the rotation till such measure is needed again (maybe he starts to slack or blow hot and cold for whatever reason).

However, if he’s consistent YET he’s pacing the courtship and he hasn’t brought up the subject, it is safe to assume that you two aren’t exclusive and you can continue your rotation till he defines the relationship or he’s showing it with his actions he’s claiming you.

In Anabelle’s case, to me he has obviously claimed her with his masculine presence/energy. Here’s the update from her a few hours later: “Ummm……….update. I went on a date last night…….firefighter asked me where I was so I was honest and his big brown eyes turned cold, he was not happy. He said, “I have no right to be upset but I am.” I realized I don’t want to lose him and I replied as such. He’s spending the day at my house so he can take me to the airport tomorrow early morning so it’s comforting to know I’ll see him tonight but wow…. I guess we had “the talk” because it was time. Y’all were right, I was a claimed woman and now I know it.”

So I was right!

Anabelle had just freshly broken up with her EUM four months prior when she met him. Through consistently practicing what I teach, she is now in a relationship with a man who is so taken by her feminine magnetism.

She not long ago shared her happiness: “Firefighter is taking me to St. Lucia July 5—12. He booked the airfare and hotel last night. Our first date was Feb 8, when I was pining and miserable over EUM. I didn’t want to get out of bed and never thought I would be happy again. Because of Kat and this group, I leaned back and let him lead. I stayed feminine. I didn’t initiate and I mirrored him. I didn’t have expectations. I was soft and receptive. I focused on a life of my own (travel, friends, gym, etc.). I had a dating rotation until he asked me to be exclusive. I try to live in the moment and be vulnerable. He thinks I’m a prize and he puts me on a pedestal. If I didn’t use the advice and insights here I would have gotten in my own way and reverted to old habits: anxious, needy, leaning forward, over functioning, rowing the boat, arriving before him, controlling, agenda driven, making him the prize, etc. Ladies who are having a tough time right now: HANG IN THERE. Kat’s method works. cha cha cha!”

If you feel your relationship is not deepening or is inching very slowly, don’t despair. Keep the rotation alive and well so you don’t over-invest in any one guy which is a kiss of death (my client Mia got claimed thanks to the rotation). Some women in my community have been verbally “claimed” yet that isn’t being backed up by actions. At the end of the day, actions speak louder than words. Trust his actions over his words. When a relationship is exclusive, he shows you with his acions.

Here’s another account from Jenna who when she first found me could never understand why her dating life never went anywhere. Her story is an example that getting into relationship is easy if you are a feminine woman who doesn’t create resistance in a man.

A month after they started dating, one of the guys in the rotation made it clear verbally but he obviously as claimed her with his pursuit. She shared: “Lol have I been claimed and didn’t even know it?? Haha. I’m trying to move out of my apartment due to rowdy students and he wants to help but I keep saying I don’t want to take advantage”

She then recounted her evolution since she practiced my method:

“I really just feel that I need to commend Katarina Phang on her programs and being on here to help us.

When I found her online in December, I didn’t know what to think, I was in and out of very short term dating situations that weren’t going well, I was leaning forward and didn’t understand why men were running for the hills, I thought it was so because of them and not at all to do with me. I searched for literature on what to do because clearly something was wrong.

I got her book and read it so many times, I had recently had two men give me the dead relative excuse after I told them off for not contacting me. No wonder….. I had trouble entertaining the idea of rotation dating, I felt that it was cheating. But I knew I had to venture out of my comfort zone if things were to change. And I really tried to let go of my expectations as I really did have an agenda with dating.

Every time they faded I was devastated and I still was for a while. I was taking things so personally. I was so involved with the idea of being with these men that I would literally leave work, take a couple sedatives and sleep for a day in hopes that when I woke up, they would have messaged me. Like how sad is that?! Ugh…

At first I had some miserable dating experiences as I was practicing letting go of expectations. It was hard, I admit it. Like really hard but I could see the ultimate point of it, I just had to get used to it. I posted on here about a couple of my dates and their lack of response after and over time I was less and less upset about it. I was severely hung up on a customer at work as well, and it was affecting me at work and while dating James.

I saved up to do the Cycle 4 Journey Inward replays as I knew that I still needed some extra help beyond the group and book. I was able to do that eventually and at first I was a little skeptical about whether it would help but I kept an open mind. Kat recommended the cycle 4 replays, and I wasn’t sure if it was the right one because of the subject of getting an ex back. I never wanted an ex back but the messages contained within really can apply to just about anyone.

I listened to the replays and wrote out the lessons and let my mind wander until I had written pages and pages. Initially I didn’t think any of applied to me but it really did, more than I thought possible. It was an immediate release, like I had just let go of the biggest self esteem burden possible. I could breathe easier, I was crying, I felt such calm, I felt happy. The first two classes I listened to while washing dishes and floors, so there is always time to do this.

The most crucial bit was the part about identifying and labeling. Once I could do that, I could let things go and that has always been my problem. I could never let things go and release. I could not accept initially that I was going to keep meeting the same guys and that it had anything to do with me at all. I realized that came from a place of lack and that although I thought I was confident, I was not.

I relied on a guy for happiness and would worry that I would be single forever. I journaled all the lessons in cycle 4 and at the beginning I struggled to figure out how they applied to me but I just let myself release what came to mind and before I knew it, I had pages and pages of stuff written out that I had not even remembered or thought of and I was very emotional over it. That release and “eureka” moment was sudden and cathartic. Since then I have barely thought twice about if a guy is avoiding me, they don’t! I had so many men from my past appear again and many online that I practically needed a secretary! I have to beat them down with a stick. I credit Kat completely for this.

Within a few days, the energy shift was noticeable. Co workers commented, men started flirting with me, I was getting twice the amount of messages, I couldn’t keep up. Multiple exes came out of the woodwork asking me out. I went into rotation dating with a vengeance and I felt such power in my femininity and vulnerability that I became irresistible. None of my dates ever faded away after that either. I had one potential date fade and then Rudy was sort of wishy washy but I had no problems not messaging him because I was busy with James and Ron who both picked up the pieces.

James started messaging me on Tinder (yes, there are good men on Tinder!) and the rest is history. He has pursued so heavily, it’s the stuff out of movies. He even says it’s the mans job and that his own mother turned his dad down for a year before she accepted a date with him. Men will go after what they want if they want it bad enough. James tells me “without the personality and confidence it’s only steak without the sizzle” and it’s true. With James, I don’t have to ask when is a relationship exclusive.

I was dedicated to doing the inner work and being grateful for the advice on here. The one time I went against advice, it blew up in my face. So ladies, please know that when we respond, we have been there, done that and bought the t shirt.

I totally credit Kat for this transformation of mine. I never imagined being at this place mentally and being able to put my phone away and being happy and optimistic about life and the future. When I changed my profile picture, there were multiple comments about looking happy, which is a big change from the “looks like someone died” look I used to have.

So thank u Kat for responding to my posts, from the ridiculously pathetic ones up until now.”

My method has been proven to work so fast it’s revolutionary and counter-intuitive, just like what Anabelle and Jenna experienced: they went from broken-hearted and being lost to be so cherished in a budding relationship in less than 4 months! Every woman has that power within herself. It’s not about looks. It’s all about energy.

Have you read my book yet? If not grab it here because you will learn so much about a lot of things that haven’t worked for you in your love life and how to fix them. And I have just recently updated it with additional 20 new pages so there is more meat in it now. If you sign up to my newsletter, you will receive the first three chapters. This book is a primer on dating and gaining a man’s love and adoration for any woman. You can also be irresistible like my client Arida and get him to step up and claim you by attending my Journey Inward group coaching.

Please share this with the buttons below and I’d like to hear your comments as well (and don’t forget to subscribe to this blog for more insight into the mind of men on the right side bar so you’ll get notified for each new post).

One comment

Its Pink from South Africa 😀 Since I last posted about the guy I’m dating (him not persuing me as he did in the beginning), I’ve learned so much from your posts and advice. I’m still struggling to get hold of your book though, not sure if its a problem on my side (payment method using Rands instead of Dollars)…

Latest update:

He did contact me, we’ve spend some time together and I’ve used the leaning back method whenever I felt anxious if he didn’t contact me, which worked beautifully 😀

But now, I’m not sure if he’s claimed me. He mentioned recently that we dont spend enough time together and that’s because I have 2 ‘men’ in my life (I have a son), so I assumed he was referring himself as my 2nd ‘man’. Last night again, we were just joking around that we are not spending a lot of time together, so he said he’s gonna get a ‘helper/side chick…So I said Im also get myself one or 2…and he said: I quote ‘I’ll kill u’ (I dont think he meant literally though). But the convo took a turn from then, cause he just went on & on about he knows he’s not doing enough & I have 100 reasons to leave him (cause he’s separated, with 2 kids & has only filed for divorce, though it’s not finalised). He also doesn’t call much, says he’s not a phone person…and that is another reason why I could leave him. I said to him, if he sees that as an important reason enough why I could leave him, why doesn’t he do something about it, he pulled back & didn’t respond. Just said ‘good night’.

Today, I leaned back, he called. He wanted to see me today but I have plans already. At the end of the call, I said ‘Thank you for the call’. I also did something that I think I shouldn’t have done, I initiated a date with him. I literally felt my alpha energy bolting through my whole body. The date is set for Thursday & somehow I wish I can cancel it, but I feel as though I’m gonna appear flaky to him.

The last time I saw him, he asked me ‘How does a person know that they are in love’…I answered as best as I could without insinuating that I’m in love with him. He’s going through a divorce & I dont want to burden him emotionally…I maybe just his rebound or ’emotional crutch’.

Katarina, how am I doing so far? Has he claimed me or am I just a few steps behind him?