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Nota Bene

Our modern relationships have nothing to do anymore with the one our grandparents, or even our parents went through. Years of fights for equality have completely changed the relationships between men and women. Sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst.
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Exploring the highs and lows of relationships

All by myself

I met recently M., an old friend of mine I have lost in sight since we left high school. She’s become a lawyer, but she’s still single. We used to be in the same school together, and partied from time to time with some common friends. Back then, some of my classmates used to bet she would never marry. That’s really cruel for her. She was part of a list of girls everyone thought they would end up as spinsters.

Why? These girls used to be not so popular back then with the opposite sex. The boys in my class described M. as a “sheep tainted in black” because of her dark and curly hair. The other “future spinsters” were simply not gifted physically or just were old in their head (you would easily give 40 year old to one of them back then). I still remember when we were in a class activity outside our school that one of the animators confused one of our future spinsters for an older lady. He didn’t know we were in high school, and asked her if she was married and if she had kids. She didn’t appreciate at all.

In the case of M., it’s not that. She’s not drop dead gorgeous, but she’s not ugly either. Maybe it has something to do with her personality. When we were in high school, either you were drop dead gorgeous so you could have all the boys you wanted, either you were popular and were able to have a boy court around you. To be popular, you had to have a magnetic/ great personality, to be rich and pretty too, of course. If you didn’t enter those two categories, well, you only had the choice to seek in other places than our school to find a guy. M., of course, didn’t fit in those two molds. But for what I know about her love life out of school, it was a disaster. One guy she dated spread the rumor she couldn’t kiss, and this reputation didn’t help her at all. Later, when we entered college, I know that she took her revenge and started dating and sleeping with as much men as she could. And apparently, she didn’t find the prince charming among the numerous one night stand she had.

Another future spinster, B., had another kind of problem. She had also the pressure of her family to find an eligible man: he had to come from a good family, he had to be wealthy, he had to be white, catholic,… She used to date a black guy when we were in high school, and their relationship quickly ended because her mother was against it. Then, she met a charming count with a castle and a Ferrari, who promised her everything. The problem was that the charming count had also another girlfriend to which he promised exactly the same thing. But B.’s parents encouraged her to pursue her relationship with him, who finally married the other girlfriend. Now, B. is still waiting for her prince charming.

The predictions of my ex-classmates seem to turn right so far. Our potential spinsters are still single now, but we’re only 29 – 30 year old. They still have plenty of time to find a man, even if the celibacy market shrinks past 25. Yet, for B., I’m not optimistic, unless she says fuck to her parents. For M., well, we’ll see.

It’s cruel and childish to predict things like that. But when you’re a victim of those stereotypes, it’s such a pleasure to beat all odds. “I never had a serious relationship when I was young, and wasn’t interested in the opposite sex very much, until I met my husband in my office. Everyone thought I would never get married, and it was a shock for them when I sent my invitation for my wedding. Inside of me, I felt really like I had my revenge on them”D., 32, said.

And this goes out to my old school.

So, how were your years in high school? Do you have good memories of this period?

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10 thoughts on “All by myself”

whatigotsofarsays:

My high school days, not so good. Only a few dates, never any second dates. Of course, now I see that as a good thing. All those skirts I chased turned out to be not worth the chase. Nary a skirt today is.

I’ve got a friend, I think that she thinks she’s on her way to spinsterhood. I’ve offered to help her out but she doesn’t seem to like my advice. Oh well.

My high school days? I had the same curse as M. This guy once said loudly in the class, “Spinster!” and repeated with each sentence with as much malice as he could. I can’t remember what I did to set him off. Perhaps I had mentioned that he behaved too sissy (well, he was sissy) and he got insulted?

I’ll never know but the whole class knew he hated me so much to the core to curse me like that. Maybe that’s why I’m in such a desperate situation to prove him wrong. Aye, I’m too anxious. Curse him 😛

Sure, sometimes my advice involves her getting up on a table and dancing, possibly removing some clothing. But sometimes I think I give some good advice. Things like going up to the guy and saying ‘hi’ sounds like good advice to me. Even if it doesn’t envolve a crotch-grab.

My childhood was much the same as all of the above. Ugly, lame, boring, acne, skinny and basically unpopular. Of course there were boys who made me cry in the middle of home room, and I never went to the school dances, but come high school, I was just an average girl. I got asked to the prom, and had a great night.

Today I am just a single woman, enjoying my sex toys as much as the next. I don’t really feel like I need any revenge, I’m simply happy living my life today.

Good post, it really gives you something to think about. Recalling my childhood and how monotonous and painful it was, and how glad I am that it is over!

It’s hard to be a person who can let go and forgive. It’s not easy, thats for sure, but I just don’t see a reason to hold onto a grudge that long, or for those reasons! Kids will be kids, and teens will be teens. Plus, revenge really doesn’t solve anything… maybe give you a temporary sense of self satisfaction, but really nothing in the long run.