Just A Regular Cringe Date Story

I went on a date today (I’m writing this at 11:00 PM).

I never know how people are going to react to seeing me in real life. It was a girl I met on Tinder. The first thing on my Tinder profile is my height as to not surprise the ladies when they meet me and notice I am as tall as a middle-schooler.

I know most women don’t like short guys.

If you’re a short guy you should do that as well, you’ll get less matches but at least you won’t have to be self conscious about it in real life. Oh and while we’re on the subject of Tinder, I really don’t recommend it. I did it anyway because it’s summer time and I’m getting a little desperate to connect with people that aren’t either my business peers or the draining geeks at my college, but if you aren’t in the least bit attractive your personality won’t matter because it’s so easy just to swipe left, and guys who aren’t particularly attractive in pictures or in real life aren’t going to be able to really show themselves in this app.

But anyway, back to the date. So I was talking to this girl for 3 days on Tinder. She seemed very smart for a 19 year old. We talked everyday consistently and I felt like we were going to hit it off. We talked about music a lot, and it never felt awkward or forced. Even the transition from Tinder to phone text was smooth. The invitation I gave to actually go on this date was smoother. I set it up by asking her if she wanted to go to an XXXTentacion concert, which I know she would hate, turned it into a joke by saying “jk” and then invited her for a Wowfull (an special sort of ice-cream cone) in Manhattan.

It looks better than it sounds but anyway, after confirming that we will be taking the train separately because none of us have cars and we don’t live near enough to meet up half-way, we wait a day then meet up at this place in Manhattan.

Now, I spilled my spaghetti at first site. I wasn’t nervous at all during our conversations or when I was waiting for her by a McDonald’s, but when I saw her I stretched my hands out awkwardly as to hug her and she had to rush over all awkwardly and I feel like hitting my head with a stainless steel pan. After that I did this weird thing where I avoided eye-contact and looked at my phone and said “Uuhhh err now to find the place…” But that eye-contact part, I avoided her eyes by darting mine’s every which way like I was looking for something and she caught onto this and started looking, only to realize that I wasn’t looking for anything and was just a physical manifestation of anxiety.

After that cinder-block of awfulness we walk for about 5 minutes in the wrong direction all the while I’m not looking at her at all. Then we turn around and talk sparingly. When we get there, to the small place that served these “Wowfulls,” the convo was alright, but I was caught up over the fact that she paid for her own Wowfull. I got the impression that most women still want men to pay for their shit and I felt like I slighted her by not speaking up when she paid for her $8 ice-cream cone.

We’re sitting on these bar stools and I’m scrutinizing her face to see if she’s disgusted by my presence or enjoying this date, I get nothing of course because I’m not usually good at gauging these things unless it’s overt. In my pessimistic mind two things told me she wasn’t enjoying it, first she wasn’t speaking like she was happy: she would laugh at some of my jokes but she wasn’t making a lot of eye-contact or actively trying to keep the conversation alive. The second thing is; she ate her ice-cream too fast. She claimed to be a fast eater, but I know a nervous coping mechanism when I see one. How can you talk when your face is stuffed with food?

We take ourselves to the park afterwards and sit down. I’m trying to create sparks like a worried paramedic, but she seemed bored. We talk for about 10 minutes, I offer to take her to the movies, we pass by a movie place that was only showing indie movies, she says she doesn’t want to see an indie movie which I know is bullshit she just wanted to get away from me, and we part ways somewhere down the F line in the subway.

She said she enjoyed the date as the train car doors opened and she embraced me awkwardly. But she ever hit me up again after I checked on her to see if she got home safely so…that’s that.

The message? More prospects in the queue, don’t let it knock you. #bars