Her Stumbles to the Crossing

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

"I could not do without Thee,
Oh Savior of the lost.
Whose precious blood redeemed me,
At such tremendous cost.Thy righteousness, thy pardon,
Thy precious blood must be
My only hope and comfort,
My glory, and my plea.

I could not do without Thee,I cannot stand alone.I have no strength or goodness,No wisdom of my own.But Thou, beloved Savior,Art all in all to me.And weakness will be power,If leaning hard on Thee.

I could not do without Thee,
Oh Jesus, Savior Dear.
E'en when my eyes are holden,
I know that Thou art near.
How dreary and how lonely
This changeful life would be,
Without the sweet communion,
The secret rest with Thee.

I could not do without Thee,
For years are fleeting fast.
And soon in solemn loneness,
The river must be passed.
But Thou wilt never leave me,
And though the waves roll high,
I know Thou wilt be near me,
And whisper 'It is I.'"

-I Could Not Do Without Thee, Soundforth Singers and Orchestra

Well, it has been quite a while since I have been on here. This semester is proving to be a hard one. We know all too well how busyness, and emotional, spiritual and physical unrest make life a burden. What is meant to be a life of joy in Christ can easily turn into a life of blundering mishaps and struggles.

All too often, I find myself distracted by things of the world. What will I do when May rolls around? Where will I be in a year?

I get so concerned with my own well being that I lose sight of the beauty of Christ's care for me.

Really, I have nothing to worry about. God has provided and blessed my family above and beyond all that we can ask or think, so should not I be comforted by this?

Should not I find rest in His arms?

Sometimes I wonder why evil takes such an interest in such a measly life as mine. Why are temptations so frequent and hard to overcome?

The answer?

We could be such threats to evil if we are living godly lives. We have so much potential in Christ. Should not we strive to achieve that potential?

On earth we work so hard to please and impress our authorities--our parents, bosses, church leaders.

These people did not die for us.

These people did not create us.

How can I live my life crippled by a desire to please people? How can I dismiss the unbelievable fact that Christ, the son of God, came to die in my stead?

It was for me He died.

How can I not live to please Him above all else?

Weakness.
The same weakness that caused David to stumble. The same sinful flesh that haunted Paul early in his life.

Oh, for the strength to overcome this weakness. Oh, for the strength to combat the darkness of my flesh and this world.

I could not do without Him. Without Him my weakness would rule my life. His strength is my shield, my fortress.

"I could not do without Thee,I cannot stand alone.I have no strength or goodness,No wisdom of my own.But Thou, beloved Savior,Art all in all to me.And weakness will be power,If leaning hard on Thee."

Saturday, February 16, 2013

As many obstacles and temptations are placed before you, you fail to pass them. Or you barely scrape by them only because of God's grace and mercy.

Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in,Onto the crashing waves.To step out of my comfort zone,Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is.And He's holding out his hand.
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me,Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
The waves they keep on telling me,
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
'You'll never win.'

Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant,With just a Sling and a stone.Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors,Shaking in their armor,Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand.

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me,
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed.
The giant keeps on telling me,
Time and time again 'Boy, you'll never win!'
'You'll never win.'

But the voice of Truth tells me a different story.
And the voice of Truth says 'Do not be afraid!'
And the voice of Truth says 'This is for My glory.'
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of Truth

--Voice of Truth, by Casting Crowns

How is it, that despite my horrible flaws and failures, that God still loves me?

Even more, how is it that I knowingly...WILLINGLY break my Savior's heart? Even those temptations that I see coming in the distance, I tell myself that I should not fall, but inside I know that I will. Willingly.

Why is that?

Why am I so entirely weak?

I used to think I was so strong. When I was younger I was invincible. The things of the world and the things of God were not so black and white to me. Everything was grey, and I didn't care what I said or did.

As I have grown and now understand consequences, God's mercy and grace, my sin, and life, it shocks me how weak I am.

Who am I, that despite all of these flaws, God still holds me in His arms and calls me His?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt?
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star,Would choose to light the way,For my ever wandering heart?

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin,
Would look on me with love,
And watch me rise again?Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea,Would call out through the rain,And calm the storm in me?

Not because of who I am,
But because of what You've done.
Not because of what I've done,
But because of who You are.

I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow,
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.Still You hear me when I'm calling,Lord, You catch me when I'm falling.And You've told me who I am,I am Yours, I am Yours.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

God never moves without purpose or plan
When trying his servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long
In darkness He giveth a song.

O rejoice in the Lord,
He makes no mistake.
He knoweth the end of each path that I take.
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead,
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead.
I bowed to the will of the Master that day,
Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best and I trust in His care,
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

O rejoice in the Lord,
He makes no mistake.
He knoweth the end of each path that I take.
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

--O Rejoice in the Lord

A beautiful song that we sang in church today.

I think I will just post some things that spoke to my heart this week.

Following is another song that fits perfectly with my life, and my family's lives.

Still my soul, be still,

And do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow.

God is at your side; no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.

God, You are my God,

And I will trust in You and not be shaken.

Lord of peace, renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone.

Still my soul, be still,

Do not be moved by lesser lights and fleeting shadow.

Hold on to His ways, with shield of faith against temptation's flaming arrows.

God, You are my God,

And I will trust in You and not be shaken.

Lord of peace, renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone.

Still my soul, be still,

Do not forsake the truth you learned in the beginning.

Wait upon the Lord, and hope will rise as stars appear when day is dimming.

God, You are my God,

And I will trust in You and not be shaken.

Lord of peace, renew a steadfast spirit within me to rest in You alone.

-Still My Soul, Be Still

Despite hard circumstances where we feel as if there is no guidance, we can be reassured that God is with us. He is on our side. We can rejoice in our circumstances because through purging we bear more fruit for Him.

God guides the eagle through the pathless air.

If He guides the eagle, how much more will He direct our paths?

Even in storms God is by my side.

Mark 4:39-40-And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.

And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?

Psalm 91:1-7-He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night: nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Well, due to the heavy snow that we've had here in the Northeast, I decided to forgo a trip to church this morning, opting instead to watch my grandmother's church service live. Wow. What a good decision that was! God's providence seemed to direct that message at me and my family.

It seemed that every sentence out of the pastor's mouth was meant for my ears.

He talked about the wall. Often times we hit a wall on our journey through life. Often, God places a wall in front of us to teach us to wait on Him.

We try desperately to find a way around the wall, a way over the wall, or under it. When really, shouldn't we wait for God to take us THROUGH the wall?

Waiting. What a heavy word. This is not a passive thing. Waiting on the Lord requires us to take action. Actively trusting in God and living each day in His presence.

Often, the world presses against us as we attempt to go through the wall with our Lord. Evil seeks to push over our already teetering wall.

Psalm 62:3-4-How long will ye imagine mischief against a man? ye shall be slain all of you: as a bowing wall shall ye be, and as a tottering fence. They only consult to cast him down from his excellency: they delight in lies: they bless with their mouth, but they curse inwardly. Selah.

Despite all of this, there is good news!

God is our strength and refuge.

God brings us through perilous times. What have we to do? Wait on the Lord and trust in Him. This does not mean trust in God AND something or someone else, as the pastor made clear. We are to trust ONLY in God. Wait ONLY upon God.

The Lord is the only One to bring us through the wall. We may seek prayer and help from others, but we should not rely on anything or anyone other than our Savior.

Psalm 62:5-8-My soul, wait thou only upon God;
for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my
defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of
my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people,
pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah."

Again, it seems that God was speaking directly to me. As humans we will falter. We will have doubts. Our thoughts may sometimes be consumed with negativity.

"By now I thought I would have a job. I've applied for so many."
"By now I thought I would be married, or be okay with being single."
"By now I thought my son would have turned back to the Lord."
"By now I thought my marriage would be better."
"By now I thought this would be over. I thought my joy in the Lord would be restored by now."

The pastor listed all of these thoughts...all of which I see or experience with my family right now. It is as if this entire message was meant for my entire family.

These thoughts are clear indications that we have hit a wall. Yet, it is here at the wall where God is reminding us of His presence. How? By bringing us through it, and teaching us to wait and trust in Him.

The Devil seeks to make us doubt. Evil seeks to make us think that God is not enough. Trying to get us to turn to our own strength and devices. Thus, we are faced with a decision.

Trust God alone? Or trust something else?

It is a comfort to know that "God ordains the means as well as the end." He ordains the way to bring us through this wall we are facing. He will never give us a temptation we cannot endure. He always provides a way of escape.

1 Corinthians 10:13-There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Another chord struck. "Do not be ashamed of the brokenness in your life."

My hope is found in the Lord.

Psalm 62:5-7-My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defence; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.

Amazing. There was yet another moment that caused my jaw to drop. I have been listening to "In Christ Alone" for weeks. Almost daily. In fact, I even posted lyrics from the song in my January 13 blog post. The pastor quoted this song in his message this morning!

Another affirmation from God that He is with me. With us. He is my strength.

"In Christ alone my hope is found,He is my
light, my strength, my
song;this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,firm
through the fiercest drought and storm.What heights of love, what
depths of peace,when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!My
Comforter, my All in All,here in the love of Christ I stand.

No guilt in life, no fear in death, this is the power
of Christ in me.
From life's first cry to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand."

Friday, February 1, 2013

After this week, I feel that I have passed a few hurdles that will hopefully not present themselves again, and that makes me happy.

Some thoughts...

Do you ever end up on the receiving end of worrisome news? Several times in a day?

It seems that people are going through so much and February just started today. We are only one month through this year. Is this year to be harder than the last?

Strength. Lord, give us strength to face what comes.

I was talking with a friend last night. His family is in a troublesome period of their lives. There is nothing to do but pray for them, but it is difficult to be there for people who are shouldering such burdens.

My family is struggling and must move from the house they currently live in. One month to pack and move.

Can I do anything for either of these situations? No. All that I can do is pray and support them.

I know on this side of heaven I will never understand God's dealings on earth. I am, however, reassured that God is with us.

John 15:18-20-If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you.
If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.
Remember the word that I said unto you, The servant is not greater than his lord. If they have persecuted me, they will also persecute you; if they have kept my saying, they will keep yours also.

Romans 8:31-What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?

Though we face trials and pain on earth, Jesus endured it before us. He will never give us more than we are able to bear.

1 Corinthians 10:13-There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye areable; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

That verse speaks especially to me, as I felt before that I would not be able to win the battles I was facing.

Those battles are now behind me, and though it was difficult and I faltered, God brought me through with minimal wounds.

So will God bring my family and friends through these trials. God uses fire to mold us into something more beautiful. Fire to bring us closer to Him. His refining fire.

Job 23:10-But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.

1 Peter 1:3-7-Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, which according to his abundant mercy hath begotten us again unto a lively hope by the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
To an inheritance incorruptible, and undefiled, and that fadeth not away, reserved in heaven for you,
Who are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.
Wherein ye greatly rejoice, though now for a season, if need be, ye are in heaviness through manifold temptations:
That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perisheth, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honour and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ:

Monday, January 28, 2013

Church this Sunday was a blessing. Sometimes I wake up on Sunday mornings tired, and feel like skipping church altogether. Every time I beat that feeling and go anyway? I am always happy I did.

God always speaks to my heart in clear ways when a small battle such as tired eyes or busyness is won.

This Sunday?

Hosea.

Hosea 3:1-5-Then said the Lord unto me, Go yet, love a woman beloved of her friend, yet an adulteress, according to the love of the Lord toward the children of Israel, who look to other gods, and love flagons of wine.
So I bought her to me for fifteen pieces of silver, and for an homer of barley, and an half homer of barley:
And I said unto her, Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee.
For the children of Israel shall abide many days without a king, and without a prince, and without a sacrifice, and without an image, and without an ephod, and without teraphim:
Afterward shall the children of Israel return, and seek the Lord their God, and David their king; and shall fear the Lord and his goodness in the latter days.

Why might I post something about a harlot?

Well this scene is actually a beautiful picture of us... and God.

Hosea's wife was a harlot, who left Hosea and their children. She left them and got into much trouble and lived a life of darkness and sin.

God commanded Hosea to go buy his wife back when she was being sold as a slave. At this point she had gotten into financial difficulties and was being sold for much less than what a "normal" slave was sold. Usually slaves were sold for 30 pieces of silver, yet Hosea purchased his wife for fifteen pieces of silver and some barley.

He then said to his wife: "Thou shalt abide for me many days; thou shalt not play the harlot, and thou shalt not be for another man: so will I also be for thee."

This picture of redemption and love on the part of Hosea depicts the love and mercy that God shows toward us.

We are like the harlot-sinful, wicked, hearts of deceit and violence.

Yet God? God is rich and full of mercy and love. He is ready to draw us back into His loving arms whenever we fall away. What must we do? Let Him draw us.

"O Christian, are you sighing under your burdens? Is God not your Father? Go and boldly lay your case before him.

His heart will certainly roll and yearn towards you.

Is it spiritual blessings you want? Spread your requests before him; as he is your Father so he is the God of all grace, and will give you of his fullness; for God loves that his children should be like him."-Voices from the Past

His heart will certainly roll and yearn towards you.

What a beautiful statement.

He is waiting. Why am I so content to stand afar off, caught up in the crowds on earth? I should be so heavenly minded that all I can think about is Christ, and going to be with Him in paradise.

That is certainly on His mind. He is waiting for me, picking me up every time I fall. How can I not follow after such a One?

"I've been waiting to dance with youIn fields full of colors you've never seen.I've been waiting to show you beautyYou never dreamed that's always been in you.I've been waiting to see you tremble as you're embracedBy a world saturated with My love.I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say'My child, you are finally home.'

Sing, O son of Zion,Shout, O child of mine,Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind,For you are finally home.

I've been waiting to watch you realizeWhat all your longing was for.I've been waiting to show you the thread of graceThat ran through all your pain.I've been waiting to let you drink the water of whichYour greatest joy on earth was just a taste.I've been waiting for the day when at last I get to say'My child, you are finally home.'

Sing, O son of Zion,Shout, O child of mine,Rejoice with all your heart and soul and mind.Sing, O daughter of Zion,Cry out, O child of Mine,Dance with all the strength that you can find,For you are finally home.

Every tear you cried dried in the palm of My hand,Every lonely hour was by My side.Every loved one lost, every river crossed,Every moment, every hour was pointing to this day.I've been longing for this day."

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Sometimes life seems a great drama of "What-if's" and wishes. While we waste away our time pining after dreams of fortune, love and happiness, the world goes on and lives slip away.

The things we care so much about.

Friendships, arguments, food, weather, careers, school.

Why do we care so much? Better--why do we care about those earthly things, when all that really matters is eternity?

Are we really so blind to our mortality that we are comfortable wishing for false security and happiness on earth? Our emotions and mind force us into delusions of owning these things on earth, when in reality we are simply pilgrims.

"This world is not my home, I'm just a-passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me to heaven's open door, and I can't feel at home in this world any more."

Sometimes I wonder why I get so engrossed in the busyness of life. Take school, for instance. Quite right--doing my best is important, but it should not be most important.

Friendships? Surely it is good to have uplifting and godly friends. But to spend every moment planning for the next event and social gathering? What a waste.

What I wish for at this moment is an escape. Instead of consuming myself with the petty dealings of strangers on earth, I should be living every day for my King. Christ is the only One to which I owe my full allegiance. I wish to escape this maddening world. To escape from the encasing of drama, relationships, news, jobs, school and noise.

Yes, I must love my family and friends and strive to help them in this pilgrimage as often as I can, but my relationship with God is of utmost importance. Through that relationship with God, He will strengthen the relationships I have with my family and close friends.

Where can I escape to, when every direction I turn presents temptations and distractions? Must I seclude myself completely to spend a moment of solitude with my Savior? How might I eliminate the noise of the world?

ramblings

her story

Henry David Thoreau

As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind. To make a deep physical path, we walk again and again. To make a deep mental path, we must think over and over the kind of thoughts we wish to dominate our lives.