The high of my week was receiving the clothes I ordered from Old Navy! After the disappointing ThredUp order (made even more disappointing when I found out they have a super strict return policy and I wouldn’t be able to return anything I got, ugh), I decided to place a small order at Old Navy (and hooray, they were having a 30% off sale when I did!) and got some new shirts that will be perfect for work. Even better – they fit perfectly and make me feel great. What can be better than that?! (Oh, I know – if any of the shirts didn’t fit right, I could easily return them at my local Old Navy.)

The low of my week was all the crappy food I ate. I just didn’t plan my meals well this week, and you know what they say: fail to plan and your plan will fail. So, I’m just taking this week as a loss and going to spend some time this weekend scoping out some healthy meals and spending Sunday in the kitchen meal prepping. (Please send me your ideas for healthy breakfasts and lunches! I’m in a huge rut.)

An article I loved wasStephen Miller Is an Immigration Hypocrite. I Know Because I’m His Uncle. by David S. Glosser. Hoo boy, was this a great article. (And can we say, family drama?! That’ll be a fun Thanksgiving table, ha.) But it really drove home the point that being against immigration is honestly hypocritical for just about everyone in the Trump administration because you’re being prejudiced against your own family history.

Trump wants to make us believe that these desperate migrants are an existential threat to the United States; the most powerful nation in world history and a nation made strong by immigrants. Trump and my nephew both know their immigrant and refugee roots. Yet, they repeat the insults and false accusations of earlier generations against these refugees to make them seem less than human.

A podcast episode I enjoyed wasJon Favreau on Armchair Expert. No, not that Jon Favreau. The political speechwriter Jon Favreau! You know, the one who is basically BFFs with Barack Obama. I’m obsessed with him and basically fan-girled hard when I saw him at Pod Tours America a few months ago. (He’s just so dreamy! And so damn smart and genuine it hurts.) If you love Favs as much as I do, please do yourself a favor and listen to this episode. Also, I found it super informative in how to talk to people who may hold similar political beliefs, but are more cynical and apathetic about them. Jon did a great job of really cutting to the heart of why politics should matter to everyone.

The best money I spent was $21 on dinner with some girlfriends. We went to a new-to-us taco place where I had some of the best tacos of my life, as well as chips, queso, and guac for the table. But as good as the food was, the conversation was even better and I left feeling oh-so-happy for these women in my life. They’re good ones.

My plans this weekend include working on some freelance assignments, a hair appointment where I’m hoping to get a much darker auburn color, game night with the fam, and enjoying a book club meeting at a friend’s pool. It should be a really, really great weekend and I’m looking forward to it so much!

I finished Hillbilly Elegy over the weekend, and it was a book I was prepared to dislike. I’d read a lot of reviews from people who read the book soon after the 2016 election, and were disappointed that the book didn’t offer a real answer to the results of that election. Or that they were expecting more of a social commentary on the state of working-class Middle America.

But that’s not what Hillbilly Elegy is about. Instead, it’s a memoir. It’s one person’s experience growing up poor in Middle America, and escaping that life to become Ivy League educated and living comfortably in the middle class.

And while I can’t say I agreed with everything J.D. Vance had to say, especially when it comes to his politics, there was a whole lot I could relate to. Because, you see, J.D. and I had very similar upbringings.

Like him, I grew up poor. My father was in and out of jail my entire life, due to his drug addiction, anger problems, and gambling addiction. My mom did the best she could with what she was given. She tried her best to give my brother and me a good life. She left my father for good when I was 11, moving the three of us into my grandparents’ house. And she never had a bad word to say against my father, even when he was skipping out on child support and leaving threatening messages on our answering machine.

It was because of my father that we were poor. With his contribution, we could have done fine as a family. Maybe not at a level where we were going on lavish vacations or had a college savings fund, but our bills would have been paid and we wouldn’t have been evicted from multiple apartments. But instead, my father chose to gamble away his paycheck. And when that was gone, he’d pawn off our belongings (including my mom’s wedding ring, which he then blamed her for losing) or force my mom to give him part of her paycheck.

In Hillbilly Elegy, J.D. has a different experience as he had a revolving door of stepfathers and a mother who had a drug problem. His only saving grace was his grandparents, who made sure he attended school, studied hard, and made something of himself. It was because of them that he was able to escape the cycle of poverty and abuse, just like it was my mom who made sure I did the same.

She left my father because she didn’t want me growing up thinking the way my father treated her was the way men treat women. She didn’t want me thinking that it was okay for a man to yell at you, demean you, call you names. She wanted more for me. And, because of that, I want more for myself when it comes to my relationships and I’m not settling until I get it.

In the book, J.D. talks about a concept called Adverse Childhood Experiences, or ACEs. He writes: “ACEs are traumatic childhood events, and their consequences reach far into adulthood … Children with multiple ACEs are more likely to struggle with anxiety and depression, to suffer from heart disease and obesity, and to contract certain types of cancers. They’re also more likely to underperform in school and suffer from relationship instability as adults. Even excessive shouting can damage a kid’s sense of security and contribute to mental health and behavioral issues down the road.”

J.D. and his sister Lindsay scored a six on their ACEs test. J.D.’s aunt scored a seven. Those without traumatic childhoods often score a zero, as is the case of J.D.’s aunt’s husband, who grew up in a normal home environment. I took the test myself. It’s 10 questions and you just answer yes or no to the questions. My ACE score was a six.

It wasn’t totally surprising to see that number staring back at me after I took the test. I knew my childhood was a rough one. There was domestic abuse, screaming matches, times when I curled into a ball under my bed with a pillow over my ears to drown out the fighting. There was a father who never gave me the love and attention I desperately craved. There was divorce and food stamps and never feeling like there was enough money. There was depression and insomnia and anxiety. That was my childhood.

It reverberates to this day, as I still get uncomfortable if my mom hassles my stepdad about something. My stepdad has never once raised his voice or his hand to my mom (or to anyone, I’m sure) and has the most low-key disposition of anyone I know, and I’m still worried that one wrong word from my mom, and he’s about to go off on her.

It’s also why I just find it easier not to date because I’m just too worried about becoming the woman my mom never wanted me to be. The woman who acquiesces to her husband’s demands and doesn’t let her opinion known. I’ve seen myself doing that in relationships, and it manifested itself greatly in the only successful relationship I’ve ever had. I let him walk right the fuck over me, saying yes to things I wasn’t comfortable with and giving up all of my free time to be with him because that’s what he wanted. Never mind what I wanted. Never mind that we never did what I wanted to do. (Which isn’t totally on him – it’s also on me for not feeling like I could voice my opinion. Because if I did, I would lose him. And I desperately didn’t want to lose him.)

And that brings me to this quote from the book, which resonated with me greatly: “For kids like me, the part of the brain that deals with stress and conflict is always activated – the switch flipped indefinitely. We are constantly ready to fight or flee … We become hardwired for conflict. And that wiring remains, even when there’s no more conflict to be had.”

I’m a very non-confrontational person, and I am this way because I’m constantly worried that the people I love are going to leave me. It’s hard for me to express a dissenting opinion because I don’t want someone to realize that this is the reason we should not be friends anymore. I’ve spent my whole life making sure everyone around me is happy and satisfied, that their needs are always being met. Because what my childhood taught me is that conflict is always on the horizon. One wrong word to my dad, one small slip-up, and he was enraged and all of his anger was taken out on me. So, it makes sense that I just eliminate conflict altogether, hence the way I’ve acted in my romantic relationships. But in doing so, I’ve forgotten that my needs also matter. That it’s okay to have a different opinion. That the beauty of relationship isn’t everyone loving the same things in the same way, but of us coming together with different opinions, likes, and dislikes. It’s a daily battle of recognizing that conflict isn’t always bad, and that it doesn’t always cause people to jump off the deep end into anger.

When I think about my childhood, my ACE score, and the way the deck was completely stacked against me, I can’t help but feel so damn proud of myself. Sure, I’ve got some stuff to work out and it’s why I’m seeking therapy so that I can learn how to get past my childhood trauma and actually be able to function in a healthy relationship, but all in all, I’m not doing half bad. I have a great, steady, well-paying job. I have my own apartment. I am financially independent. I took care of a dog in the last years of his life and did a damn good job at it. I have friends and an active social life. I have a brother who has stuck by my side throughout everything and even stood up for me to my father time and again. He’s shown me what a true man looks like.

And I have my mom. Every kid with a traumatic childhood has to have someone watching out for them, and I am so grateful that she was that person for me. She got us out of a volatile home environment and into one filled with love and happiness and hope. She dated one man in the time she left my father to the time she started online dating in my mid-twenties – because to her, it was important that she gave her full attention to us and kept us happy and healthy. (But, boy, sometimes I wish she had met Robert much earlier!) My childhood wasn’t ideal, that’s for sure, but I got through it, and I got through it because of my mom’s deep love and persistent expectations for me.

I cannot believe it’s already mid-August and kids are back in school and it’s almost time for football. Time is a crazy thing. My weekend was pretty great, as it was fairly low-key. I needed that because my upcoming week is going to be busy, busy and the weekend even more so. I got in some reading time at the pool, lots of naps, and a pedicure date with my mom.

Last week, I finished two books and really loved both of them. Reviews below!

Books Finished

Title: Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in CrisisAuthor: J.D. VancePublished: 2016Format: Library hardcoverRating: ★★★★★

Plot Summary: A memoir about a man who grew up poor in Appalachia, but manages to escape the cycle of poverty to become an Ivy League-educated lawyer.

My Thoughts: I loved, loved, loved this memoir. Maybe it’s because I read it two years after the election and approached it solely as a memoir, not as a commentary on the state of the working-class society and why so many of them voted for Trump. This is simply J.D.’s experience growing up poor, with a revolving door of fathers and a mother who struggled with addiction. And it was a story I could relate to all too well. I couldn’t stop taking pictures of quotes that resonated with me, and it really made me stop and reflect on my own childhood and how growing up poor and in a volatile home environment affects me even now. (In fact, I’m planning on writing more about this on Wednesday, so stay tuned for that.) This is a book I would wholly recommend, but with a word of caution: don’t think about this as social commentary. Don’t think you’re going to “get into the minds of Trump supporters” with this book. Instead, approach it as a memoir and expanding your worldview of what it’s really like to grow up poor in middle America.

Plot Summary: Lady Felicity must land a husband, and when a mysterious stranger named Devil promises her he can help her with this mission, she accepts on one condition: she won’t be satisfied with a marriage without passion.

My Thoughts: New Sarah MacLean! New Sarah MacLean! This book starts her brand-new Bareknuckle Bastards series, which looks to be totally fun. In this first book, we follow Devil who reigns over Covent Garden, a place that ladies such as Felicity should never be. From the get-go, I was captivated by both Felicity and Devil (gotta admit, the way he wielded his walking stick was pretty hot!) and rooting for them. They were both completely stubborn and completely right for one another. Like most MacLean novels, I wished this one was a bit shorter (400+ page romance novels are not my jam), but I was still so happy every time I opened my Kindle to read this book and cannot wait for the next one to be released.

Beartown by Fredrik Backman – You guys, it’s time. IT IS TIME. I have put off reading this novel for reasons I don’t even understand. Maybe because I’m worried it won’t live up to the hype? Maybe because I know how much I’m going to love this book and want to savor the anticipation? For whatever reason, I have put off reading this book and I’m stopping that nonsense this week. It’s time for me and Beartown to get acquainted.

It’s been quite some time since my last Friday Questions post – five months, in fact! So I am overdue in going through some of the terrific questions that Nicole asks her guests on her Real Talk Radio podcast. Below are five more questions, some of which required a lot of thought in coming up with an answer. Enjoy!

1) What’s a habit you’d like to break? What’s a habit you’d like to build?

I’d love to break my habit of needing chocolate after lunch and dinner. It’s not a craving, but an ingrained habit that I have found so hard to give up. My body just… like… expects it, or something. I’d like to save chocolate as something special a few times a week, not something I eat multiple times a day.

As for a habit I want to build, I’d like to work on implementing a skincare regimen on a regular basis. I have all of the products I need: cleanser, toner, moisturizer. Even a Clarisonic! But I struggle to get on a regular habit of morning and nighttime face washing. I use a makeup wipe every night to take off my makeup, but that’s about the extent of my face washing. Every now and then, I’ll get on a kick where I do the morning and nighttime skincare routine for a few days in a row, and then I fall off the wagon. It’s just… a lot of work? And sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s helping much. (I swear I feel like I break out more when I’m regularly using my Clarisonic than when I’m not.)

2) When you look ahead to the next couple of months, what do you feel most excited about?

Getting a kitten! My goal is to adopt one in either September or October, once my living room is finally all put together. (Hoping to shop some Labor Day sales for my new couch.) I’ve been having a lot of bouts of loneliness lately, the kind of loneliness that comes with being completely alone in an apartment for hours on end. I never felt that way when I had Dutch around because he was my little buddy who kept me company. So, I know it’s time for me to adopt a cat and have a little four-legged friend with me again. I cannot wait to enter the world of being a cat lady! Bring it on.

3) What’s something you do to inspire or encourage yourself when you’re feeling defeated?

It helps to step away from whatever is making me feel defeated. Is it my dating life? Delete the apps. Is it my writing? Work on something else. Is it social media? Take a break. Is it work? Find things outside of work to bring me joy and fulfillment.

I also think actually talking about it and speaking truth to my feelings of defeat helps to lessen its impact. When I’m feeling defeated because my anxiety feels unmanageable, I’ll get on Instagram Stories to say so and the responses I get always make me feel better. Like I’m not the only person feeling overwhelmed by my own thoughts. Sometimes, talking about my lack of dating prospects or diet struggles with my friends help me to see that I’m getting too in my head about things, and that I am a lovely person whether or not I’m dating or losing weight.

4) What’s something you really love about yourself?

I love how funny I am! I’m the girl who is always making my friends laugh and keeping things light-hearted with jokes and sarcastic comments. I feel like my humor doesn’t really come across in my writing, but basically all I do with my friends is tell jokes and make them laugh.

5) What’s a time when you quit something and it was absolutely the right decision?

When I decided to change my major from elementary education to communications. I was nearly done with my education degree (just had to do a semester of student teaching), but after failing a student teaching internship, I realized that teaching was not where I was meant to be and I changed my major. It was a hard decision at the time because it meant another 2-3 years of schooling, but it was the right move for me. I was able to graduate with a major that was much more aligned with my skill set and now I have a job that I really love. I don’t think I would have ever been happy as a teacher.

It’s been a rocky few months when it comes to my mental illness. There was an intense depressive episode in June and then a string of high anxiety days that had me feeling overwhelmed by my brain. More than once, I remember thinking to myself, “I cannot live like this. This is too much.”

I didn’t say that in a suicidal way, but more in a I-need-to-figure-this-out-so-I-can-live-better way. But truthfully, I didn’t know if I had it in me to figure it out. I was trying to recover from my depressive episode while also dealing with riotous anxiety-ridden thoughts, and I didn’t know what to do or where to turn to make it all stop. I was so mentally exhausted.

And then my mom said something to me that flipped the switch: “Maybe you need to talk to your doctor about adjusting your meds.”

Light bulb.

It was one of those moments where someone else offered the simplest suggestion to a problem, and you’re just like, “Well, yeah. Duh. Why didn’t I think of that?”

So, I made an appointment to see my doctor.

I’m always nervous to talk to my doctor about my anxiety and meds. For some reason, I worry that she’s going to think I’m lying. Or being dramatic.

That’s why I didn’t start taking anxiety meds until just recently. I just couldn’t work up my nerve to talk to my doctor. It’s hard when your illness is invisible. While I know the way I’ve been feeling isn’t normal, she doesn’t. It’s not like I can take a blood test and prove I have anxiety. Instead, I had to trust that my doctor wouldn’t be indifferent to my pain. I had to trust that I could be honest with her and she would hear me and help me come up with a solution.

Thankfully, I had nothing to worry about. My doctor listened to me, even though I stumbled over my words and couldn’t articulate all the ways my anxiety affected my life. She prescribed me a low dose of Lexapro and off I went.

Going back to the doctor to explain that the meds hadn’t been working as well as they used to was just as hard as the first time I asked for help. I was again worried that she wouldn’t hear me. Worried that she was thinking I was trying to game the system or something.

And again, my worries were unfounded because my doctor listened to me and talked to me about my options. We decided to double my dose of Lexapro.

I left the office feeling, for the first time ever, shame.

I’ve never, ever felt shame about my anxiety or needing to take medication to manage it. I understand that my brain just functions differently than those who do not experience anxiety and depression, and that the medication is necessary to balance it all out.

So, this feeling of shame was a new experience. I think it stemmed from this idea that I wasn’t getting “better.” Shouldn’t I be at the point where I could drop my dosage from 10mg to 5mg… not double it? Shouldn’t my brain be fixed by now?

Obviously, I know all of these thoughts are irrational. You don’t “fix” anxiety, you learn how to manage it. Just as you cannot “fix” a chronic illness… the same is true for anxiety.

Some people are able to figure out how to manage their anxiety without meds, and perhaps one I’ll be able to do that, but that’s not my end game. My end game is to learn how to manage my anxiety so that it doesn’t interfere with my daily life. So that it doesn’t keep me from participating in things I want to do and investing in my relationships and finishing that novel I’ve always wanted to write. And that probably means I’ll spend the rest of my life on anxiety meds. I’m A-OK with that.

The truth is, the shame of doubling my anxiety dosage disappeared after I realized how much better I feel now. I was in a really dark and miserable place for May and June and part of July. I could barely summon the energy for even the most basic tasks. Just a few weeks on this higher dosage, and I’ve found myself again. I don’t only feel more stable and in control over my emotions, but I’m actually happy. I actually feel fulfilled. I have energy again and find myself excited about life and what’s next for me.

And there’s definitely no shame in needing a higher dosage of anxiety medication to make me feel like that.

Happy Monday! I had such a fantastic weekend, full of friends and puppy cuddles and naps. I got to see Chip on Friday evening and he got super excited when he saw me, doing zoomies all over the apartment. It was so cute! That boy totally has my heart, 100%. I also got to celebrate a dear friend at her bridal shower and was thrilled when I won the “how well do you know the bride and groom” game. Of course, I lived with the bride-to-be for a year, so maybe I had a bit of an advantage. 😉 And, on Sunday, I had brunch with friends to celebrate another dear friend’s birthday. All in all, the perfect weekend and I’m diving into Monday feeling really and truly blessed about this life of mine.

Last week, I finished three books and gave all of them 4 stars. Let’s discuss:

Books Read

Plot Summary: This thriller is told in two alternating plotlines. First, there’s Liza who is a thriller author and has 30 days to produce her next masterpiece. And then there’s Beth, Liza’s character in her newest novel, who suspects her husband of cheating and ends up killing his mistress (not a spoiler, it’s in the synopsis). But as the novel progresses, the lines between Liza’s real life and Beth’s fictional one become increasingly blurred.

My Thoughts: Oh man, I loved this novel. I listened to it on audio, and I was concerned that I was going to get the alternating plots mixed up, but thankfully, there were two different narrators with very distinct voices so it was easy to keep them separate. I found the storyline to be so unique and refreshingly different from what we see so often in women-led thrillers nowadays. The twists and turns felt honest and never overly dramatic. And I found the ending to be so satisfying. I would highly recommend this novel if you love a good twisty thriller!

Plot Summary: Lo is a travel journalist sailing on a luxury cruise, the kind that’s so exclusive that there’s only a handful of people on board. It seems like the assignment of a lifetime, until her first night when she wakes up to what can only be the sound of someone being thrown overboard. Only, everyone on the ship is accounted for and it’s up to Lo to figure out what is truly going on.

My Thoughts: I really enjoyed this thriller, and maybe it’s because I went into it with very low expectations. I loved the setting because what’s creepier than a cruise ship that has just a handful of guests and no cell service? And I loved all the twists and turns – it kept me guessing to the very end! I’ll admit that I fairly loathed Lo. I have a hard time with unreliable narrators and Lo is right up there with Rachel from The Girl on the Train. She made a lot of dumb decisions in her quest to find out what happened, but she redeemed herself in the end. All in all, a pretty solid thriller but probably not one that will particularly stand out in my mind.

Plot Summary: Charlie and Silas wake up one morning with no memory of who they are, and it’s up to them and them alone to figure out what happened.

My Thoughts: Oh, boy, do I love Colleen Hoover novels and this one is no exception. The concept behind this novel is so unique, and I just had to know what happened. Of course, this is only part one in a three-part series so I immediately requested part two from my library after I finished this book (I was prepared to buy the e-book, but it’s not available through Amazon weirdly). This novel was everything I love about Hoover’s writing, and I especially just adored the back-and-forth between Charlie and Silas.

Wicked and the Wallflower by Sarah MacLean – Ah! My romance pick for this week. I love, love, love Sarah MacLean’s writing and her romances are top notch. I’m less than 15% into this historical romance and I’m already super invested in the characters.

I want to start this reading wrap-up with a disclaimer. Often, when I talk about the amount of books I read in a month, I receive comments from people who seem to be self-conscious about their reading life. It happens frequently, so I’m not trying to call anyone out here, but I do want to say that I don’t give my monthly reading total to brag. And it’s not a competition. If you only read one book this month because you were busy corralling kids while on vacation or traveling for work, that’s fine. If you only read one book this month because you chose to binge on Netflix, that’s fine. If you only read one book this month because that’s all your mind could handle, that’s fine. I’m a reader through and through, which means I set aside a lot of time to read in my life. (I’m also single and childless with a low-stress job, which means I have more hours in a day to get things done than most people.)

I also don’t feel like reading is the right hobby for everyone. I wish it was, only because I derive so much joy from it myself and I think reading does wonders for opening up one’s worldview. But for some people, reading just isn’t fun. It’s work. And so, I’m not going to sit here and implore everyone I know to read as much as they can. Read if you want, or don’t. But please don’t feel as if I am bragging when I tell you how many books I read, or that the fact that I can read so many books a month means I am superior. I’m not. I’m just a woman who loves to read and makes a conscious effort (at the detriment of other hobbies) to read as much as I can.

Okay! With that said, let’s get onto my reading wrap-up! In July, I read 13 books and abandoned two. My average rating was a 3.9, which is the exact average rating I had last month. I had a few 5-star reads mixed in with a bunch of 4-star ones, so it was a pretty solid reading month for me.

Books Read

1) A Hope Divided by Alyssa Cole (★★★☆☆) – I found this historical romance to be lackluster in the romance department, but really interesting when it comes to the historical element. I learned so much!

2) The Cruelest Month by Louise Penny (★★★★☆) – This cozy mystery was slow to start but super stressful for a good chunk of it due to a secondary plot involving the chief inspector. Not for the faint of heart!

6) Intermediate Thermodynamics by Susannah Nix (★★★☆☆) – A slow plot and lackluster romance means I probably wouldn’t fall over myself to recommend it, but I loved reading about a woman rocket scientist and how she dealt with constant misogyny and sexism at work.

8) Someone Like You by Lauren Layne (★★★★☆) – This novel had a pretty heartbreaking side plot that had major bearing on the overarching romance, but it never felt like it was too much or overpowered their love story. A very satisfying read.

9) The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli (★★★★☆) – I loved every minute I spent with this book and could relate the Molly, the main character, more than I’ve ever related to a character. Highly recommend, especially if you love sweet YA love stories.

10) The Last Time I Lied by Riley Sager (★★★★★) – Another 5-star Riley Sager novel for me! His thrillers are just so damn compelling, and I couldn’t put this one down for anything.

11) Make Me Crave by Katee Robert (★★★★☆) – Just one of those sexy romances that had a really silly premise, but was carried out in a semi-believable way. And those sex scenes – whew!

I’m happy to report that I was pretty successful with my July goals, especially when compared to previous months. I managed to complete three of the six goals I set for myself, and I’m feeling really good about that! August is going to be a busy month, so I’ve tried to select goals that won’t require too much from me. Hopefully, I can have my first 100% completion! We’ll see. For now, let’s take a look back on my July goals:

1) Design and order my mom’s wedding album. Done! It arrived in mid-July and it was perfect. I used Mixbook to create the album, and it allowed me to stretch my creative muscles a bit, which was fun. My mom and stepdad both love the album, and I’m so happy I finally did this for them.

2) Leave positive ratings and reviews for 10 of my favorite podcasts. Done! I’m glad I finally did this because I know how much podcasters rely on ratings and reviews. It was just a little thing I could do for these people who create such great work and give so much to me on a weekly basis.

3) Add two extra writing sessions at Starbucks. Done! I went to Panera instead of Starbucks, but I think I might make this an every-other-week thing because I really enjoyed it. Both times, I went on a Monday after work and spent two hours working on writing projects. It was much needed!

4) Schedule a therapy appointment. Ugh, no. Again. Can I outsource this to someone? Eeks.

5) Have a no-spend week. Nope. The only week that worked for not spending money was the last week of July and I completely forgot about this goal by then. Oops.

6) Visit a new-to-me nature preserve. Nope. My weekends in July were a little more frantic than usual as I had some freelance writing assignments to complete, as well as my girls weekend and my mom’s birthday. So, it just didn’t work out this time around!

Here’s what I want to accomplish in August:

1) Go to the gym every Wednesday morning. So, I’ve decided to not cancel my gym membership – at least, not right now. Instead, I’m going to try to ramp up my fitness again. I figure that I’m making my membership worthwhile if I go twice a week (equals out to just under $5 a session), but I’m going to start small since I haven’t been consistent with exercise (or, at least, going to the gym for a workout) for a few months now. So I’m challenging myself to implement a Wednesday morning gym routine. It means setting an early alarm (4:45AM, oof) and packing a gym bag since I’ll need to shower and get ready for work at the gym. It’s a hectic way to start my morning, but I kinda miss those early morning gym sessions.

2) Schedule a therapy appointment. One of these days, I’m actually going to mark this as complete.

3) Buy an area rug. A few months ago, I found the area rug I wanted at Target. It’s about $100, and that’s not chump change for me so I couldn’t get it the moment I saw it. But August is going to be a good month for my finances, so I’m going to allow myself to buy it finally. Yay!

4) Spend at least 30 minutes outside every weekend. This shouldn’t be a hard goal to accomplish since I have a lot of plans in August that require being outside in the sunshine, so yay! But I made this goal to force myself to get outside since I have a tendency to stay inside, especially when I’m experiencing higher levels of anxiety or depression. I don’t need to make it a big production – even if I just go down to the pool with my book and put my feet in the water, that’s enough.

5) Buy a book about the Enneagram. It’s time to get cracking on what I think my type is, so I’m making myself the very simple goal to finally purchase a book about the Enneagram so I can read about all the types and figure out which one I am. I think I’m going to purchase The Road Back to You because it’s been highly lauded by many Enneagram fanatics, but if anyone has another rec, please let me know!

6) Cut my credit card balance in half. This is a pretty monstrous goal, but August is looking like a great month for my finances. I had two nice freelance assignments come in, and I get an “extra” paycheck this month, so I really think I can funnel a ton of money to my credit card. I’ll be happy to bring the balance under $1,000, but my bigger goal is to get it under $800.

In July, I…

Had some very complicated feelings about the Fourth of July. I’ll be honest: it was really hard to feel patriotic this year. I was sick during the holiday, so I spent the majority of the day in bed watching Friends, and stayed off social media as much as I could. It’s just hard to feel proud to be an American right now. The leader of our country is someone who doesn’t abide by morals or ethics. The party in power is filled with money-hungry, spineless idiots. Asylum seekers are having their children ripped away from them. The president is shaking hands with dictators and putting our global partners on blast. It’s just really hard to be a proud American right now. I’m proud of the resistance. I’m proud of the people who get up and fight against this administration every day. But I’m not proud of our leaders and I just want this nightmare to be over already.

Celebrated my mom’s birthday. My mom’s birthday was early in July, and we had a low-key celebration for her. My brother and I went to her apartment to have a game night where we ordered in pizza and I made a cake for her. Then, on Sunday, I brought her mini-doughnuts and took her out to lunch. I always love celebrating my mom!

Spent a weekend at Anna Maria Island with my friends. I talked all about this weekend previously, but suffice it to say, it was such a lovely weekend and it’s one I’m going to remember so fondly. I love this tribe of girlfriends I have in my life, and I can’t wait for even more adventures with them.

Had all of the doctor’s appointments. For some reason, July was the month of all of the doctor’s appointments. The majority of them were just regular annual checkups, like a dentist appointment, gyn exam, and seeing the eye doctor. I also saw my regular doctor to discuss adjusting my anxiety meds and getting my thyroid levels checked.

Attended a Friends trivia night at a pub. Oh, this was so much fun! A few friends got together when we heard a local pub was hosting a Friends trivia night. I thought I might be able to help since I’m currently rewatching the series, but it’s amazing how many questions I couldn’t answer. Ha. Still, we had a ton of fun and the restaurant was packed. It’s amazing to see how this show has impacted so many of us, decades after the show ended.

In August, I will…

See Crazy Rich Asians with some work friends. I’m really looking forward to this movie! I didn’t love the book as much as most people did (it was a 3 star read for me), but the movie looks fantastic.

Celebrate five years at my job. It’s blowing my mind that August marks five years! It’s been a really fun five years. This past year has been a tough one with most of my close work friends moving on to new companies and opportunities, but I’m still really enjoying what I do and I don’t take that for granted at all.

Take my mom on a dolphin tour. For Christmas, my brother and I purchased tickets to go on a dolphin tour with my mom, and we’re finally going to go in August. It should be a super fun afternoon and I hope we see some dolphins!

This was my last low-key weekend for the next few weeks, so I tried to enjoy the extra downtime as much as I could. I’m happy to have a few busy weekends on my schedule in August, but also aware that it will limit my alone time, which can lead to anxiety and overstimulation. Just have to make sure to build in some alone time when I can!

Last week, I finished three books and I’ll be interested to see if I can read at this same frenetic pace when my weekends are much busier than usual.

Books Finished

Title: The Last Time I LiedAuthor: Riley SagerPublished: 2018Format: HardcoverRating: ★★★★★

Plot Summary: Emma was 14 during her first summer at Camp Nightingale, a summer that ended in tragedy when her three cabinmates turned up missing and were never found. Now, fifteen years later, Emma returns to Camp Nightingale, this time as a painting instructor, with the secret mission to find out what really happened to her friends.

My Thoughts: I loved Sager’s first novel, Final Girls, and I was curious to see if his second novel would be just as captivating. The answer is yes. I think I loved this book more than Final Girls! The setting was terrific (come on, a sleepaway camp? Yes, please.) and I really enjoyed each and every character, even the ones that were written to be unlikable. I was also surprised by all the twists and turns this book took, and definitely didn’t see the ending coming. If you’re on the lookout for a really great thriller, pick this one up!

Plot Summary: Roman has an investor interested in Allie’s women-only gym/women’s shelter, but she hasn’t taken any of his calls about it. When she takes off for a vacation to a Caribbean island for a week, he decides to follow her there to make her finally listen to his spiel.

My Thoughts: Romance novels often require you to suspend belief, and this one definitely required that because in any other setting, a man chasing a woman down on vacation is creepy and stalker AF. But there’s a good reason why Roman is so intent on his investor taking over Allie’s business and it didn’t come across as creepy as it might seem. The chemistry between Allie and Roman was sizzling from the get-go, and I was pulling for them to make it. They both brought a ton of baggage into their vacation fling turned something more, but I really love the way they worked through it. There was just something so sweet and lovely about their love story. I thought the ending was super rushed and since the book was only 225 pages, I definitely think author could have tacked on an extra few chapters to flesh it out, but still a fun romance novel. (Be warned: this book has a lot of sex scenes, so if that’s not your jam when it comes to romances, you might want to steer clear.)

Title: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good LifeAuthor: Mark MansonPublished: 2016Format: Library hardcoverRating: ★★★★☆

Plot Summary: A profanity-heavy book in the self-help genre that begs the question, you only have so many fucks to give, so what do you really give a fuck about?

My Thoughts: I loved this book. I had a feeling I would because self-help like this is my jam, and I found so much incredible insight from Manson’s words. I saved so many quotes from this book, and it really made me think about my life and the pain I’ve experienced in an entirely new way. Manson states clearly that it’s our negative experiences, our suffering, our pain, and our fears that help us to live more fully and happily. It’s only by going through those peaks and valleys that we find our truest self. “We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful,” Manson writes in the book. “It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change.” It wasn’t the epiphany I was hoping to get from this book (I mean, yeah, not sure most of us want to know that suffering is useful to our overall sense of self), but it’s one I’m continuing to ruminate on as I think about this book and Manson’s words.

Book Abandoned

Lost and Found Sisters by Jill Shalvis – I abandoned this book at page 55, and it’s the first time I’ve ever abandoned a Jill Shalvis novel. Her contemporary romances are some of my favorite to read, but this women’s fic novel left a lot to be desired. I found the writing to be a little over-the-top cheesy and the main character to be supremely unlikable. Meh.

What I’m Reading This Week

Lies She Told by Cate Holahan – This is my book club’s August pick that I’m reading a bit early. I downloaded the audio version last week and have been dipping in and out of it. It’s a fascinating thriller and I have no idea where it’s going!

The Woman in Cabin 10 by Ruth Ware – Reading this for my work book club. It’s been on my TBR list for a long time now. It gets mixed reviews from the people I follow on Goodreads, so I’m hoping that by going into the novel with low expectations, it will exceed them!

Meet Stephany

Hi, I'm Stephany! I'm a 30-year-old single lady, living in Florida. I love taking cruises, reading, writing, and spending time with family and friends. I am an introvert and a Highly Sensitive Person, and I'm quite proud and pleased with the quiet life I lead. On this blog, you will find stories about my life, book reviews, travel experiences, and more. Welcome!

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