(In between deadlines. In between flights. In between time and space. In between dreams and nightmares)

Indonesia

BATU, Indonesia. Photo by Jes Aznar

Thursday, October 24, 2013

And So It Is

And you try each day, in this God-forsaken world, filled with child molesters, thieves and irresponsible alcoholic dads, to survive and make sense of the chaos. You try to imagine, even in the most unimaginable hours, that there is something real out there, beyond the doublespeak of people around you, those who claim to be your friends, loved ones, too. You try to see through the haze and the noise and the madness, and you think there's something more for you as you wait in the loneliest of hours for something to hold on to, that promise of tomorrow, though the promise never comes.

You try and you try and you try because you know in the deepest recesses of your hearts, in the most miserable moments, you know you deserve something better than be treated by forty plus spinsters with remorse and envy; or older women who resent you for the travels you've made because those are the trips they could never make.

And so you try, over and over, again and again, to find peace in the mayhem amidst all the resentments and the broken dreams but you realize by looking at moving walls that there is nothing to hope for, especially not for a dumb blonde like you. Not in this affirmation-hungry world, filled with egoists and backstabbers and men and women, who in the end, fight over junkets and other freebies, not unlike little children caught in a mad scramble for candies.

is a Manila-based journalist. She covers the economy for The Philippine Star and blogs about human rights and development issues for the London-based New Internationalist. She is also a coffee and Scotch drinker, a barefoot traveler and a collector of memories.