11 lethal habits jeopardizing your marriage

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By Mary Petramalo, FamilyShare

It is far too easy to let undesirable habits slip into your daily routine. Although some of these habits may seem to have a positive shimmer to them, they’re really undermining your happiness.

It’s true, it becomes more tempting to justify small, negative habits the older you get. This being said, it is very important to have check-ins with yourself and with your spouse. Making sure that you are working together to become better instead of allowing these habits to corrode your marriage.

1. Being negative about in-laws

Being negative about your in-laws is a lot more damaging to your relationship than you would think. Even if your spouse may not be totally positive about his parents, it is important to be a constructive influence in this matter. When you are negative about your spouse’s family, it ensues damaging feelings into the relationship on a subconscious and deeper level. When you do not respect someone that your spouse has come to love and respect, it starts to eat away at the trust in your own relationship.

Work hard to build the in-law relationship, even if it may look like a beast of a task at first. This will not only make family gatherings more comfortable, but your spouse will have a renewed appreciation for your efforts of optimism.

2. Gossiping

Gossiping is a destroyer of all relationships, and marriage is no exception. Having some girl chitchat is always enjoyable, but when you start to talk about negative things pertaining to your hubby or relationship, that will eventually make it full circle. You may think your friend will keep the information about your marital struggle secret, however she’s sure to share with her husband. There’s no telling where it will go to from there, but the result could be devastating to your marriage.

3. Only reaching out with problems

Let’s think back about what happened to Pavlov’s dogs. He would ring the bell and the dogs would come running with the saliva dripping. Relationships follow the same pattern. We come to expect certain behaviors out of people simply because of past experiences.

So when we reach out to our spouse for a chat or some alone time, and then we spend the whole time talking about things that are bothering us, or our problems in general, then they automatically start expecting that and want to find a way to avoid the negative contact altogether. This creates a bedrock of pessimism in the relationship; a relationship that is easily shattered.

Make sure to reach out with the good and the bad in your life. Have conversations that deepen your relationship and love for each other.

4. Putting kids first

At first take you may think, “Of course I am going to put my kids first. My husband is a grown man and can take care of himself.” However, this is detrimental to your relationship. It is so important to make sure to get “kid stuff” done earlier so that when your husband comes home at night, you have time to nourish that relationship.

Make sure to have breakfast ready for him in the morning before he rushes to work —the kids can wait. Stop what you’re doing when he comes home to give him a kiss and tell him you’re glad he’s home. Do the small things for him that shows you love him deep down.

5. Social media fixation

The more time spent on social media, the more time spent away from face-to-face time with loved ones. We’ve all seen the toddler tugging on the mommy’s pants and the mother’s eyes are glued to the screen and finally she snaps at the child with a “how dare you interrupt me” tone. Or, when she is so focused on uploading her pictures from the day’s adventures her husband who is trying to communicate with her finally gives up in frustration. This leaves plenty of space for thoughts like, “Really? Her relationship with Facebook is more important to her than her relationship with me?”

Put down the phone and focus on your spouse. Listen to him and have those needed chats. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to completely shun all social media from your life, but have a good balance, and make your attention available for your spouse and children.

6. Inability to empathize

When we do not actively train ourselves to try and see things from other people’s point of view, our ability to empathize weakens drastically. In a relationship, it is critical to try and see things from other points-of-view. It is so easy to misinterpret or misjudge when we are both raised in different homes and under different circumstances. Therefore, we are affected by situations differently, and we need to be able to empathize with our spouse. Improve your ability to empathize. Your patience will grow as well as your ability to love.

7. Taking everything personal

It is far too easy to think everything is your fault, or that the comment is a jab at you, personally. Chances are your spouse didn’t mean it in the negative, personal way that you took it. As a result of people being raised so differently, it is so common for something to be said, and the other person taking it to heart. In this circumstance, it probably wasn’t meant to be belittling or harmful in anyway. Take care to not react with narrow-mindedness and an “it’s always my fault” mentality. Best advice: even if the comment is meant to hurt, don’t take it that way; you will be so much happier.

8. Withholding compliments

Withholding compliments from your partner is a sign of pride. How sad to not want to uplift someone around you, especially someone as special as your spouse. Compliments mean way more to people than they would like to admit. Making sure that you are very free and open about compliments to each other helps to build trust in your relationship. It helps to endear you to each other. Giving compliments helps you to better focus on the positive things about your relationship, which will do wonders for your relationship.

9. Comparing

It is dangerous to compare your spouse to other people; whether it is co-workers, friends or even your exes. Comparing is degrading and will slowly start to undermine your relationship. Everyone is different and you can’t compare someone’s best to another’s worst. We all have our own areas where we excel. Instead, look for the positive qualities, characteristics and habits of your spouse. Positively reinforce the good and your overall outlook of your relationship will be much more optimistic and blissful.

10. Lack of nourishment

If a relationship is to last through time, it needs nourishment. It is so easy to get caught away in the busyness of life, and slowly (even without us noticing it) our relationship disintegrates. This doesn’t have to be a huge daily quest, but if you will do the small things to let your spouse know you love them and have deeper conversations on a regular basis, your relationship will be nourished and become stronger.

11. Avoiding conflict

Many people feel that any conflict in a relationship is a sure sign of a broken relationship ahead; however, this is false. Avoiding conflict in a relationship leads to bottled-up emotions. In fact, if you learn to work through disagreements and conflicts in your marriage, it will leave your marriage fortified because you build respect for each other and your opinions.

Each one of these is pretty small, and we almost seem to do them subconsciously. But if we can work together as a couple to notice and improve these habits in our relationships, the little frustrations will melt away, the relationship will strengthen, and a happier aura will permeate the relationship.

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