Letter From the Editor: Keeping memories of murder victims alive

That was my initial reaction as I walked into the Living Memorial Gardens in Upper Chichester last Tuesday night.

That's the whole point. This very special place isn't about death; it's about life.

Specifically, it's about 57 lives honored in a very special way, with gardens lovingly tended by those who knew them best.

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As I strolled through the gardens before the annual National Day of Remembrance for Murder Victims held by the Delaware County chapter of Parents of Murdered Children, the names all came flooding back.

To me they are familiar; to those who gathered in the gardens last Tuesday, they are a tragedy, that most unnatural of events, a parent burying a child.

I've always thought it a bit strange that Parents of Murdered Children would reach out to me to address their group. It was the second time they had done so. A few years ago, I took part in their annual vigil on the steps of the Media Courthouse.

This was a little different. The vigil is solemn; the gardens are full of living, growing things, even if their purpose is to honor the dead, those taken from us way too soon.

That is in fact one of the themes of the Living Memorial Gardens. Family members wanted a place outside the confines of a cemetery to remember their loved ones.

Steve and Sharon Conroy's son Sean was beaten to death on a Center City SEPTA subway concourse. He was a Delaware County native, living in the city, managing a Starbucks.

Steve and Sharon know all about his death. They want to remember his life. And they want others to do the same. That's why this place is so special.

"If I go to the grave site, I see that stone and the name etched in that stone," Steve said. "It becomes overwhelming. The garden is a summation of his life. It's just more of a joyous remembrance of him instead of that cold stone."

All of which is why I was more than a bit anxious as I stood before the group. After all, I reminded them, I'm the man who supervised all those stories of incredible heartbreak that brought us together Tuesday night.

I decided to use the occasion to let them in on a few newspaper secrets.

For starters, I told them the answer to the question I get asked almost every day.

"Why is always so much bad news in the Daily Times?" It is a question they are intimately familiar with, having seen many of their loved ones wind up as one of our lead headlines.

They also, probably more acutely than others, know the answer. That's what people read.

But doing those kinds of stories very often gives a skewed vision of a person's life -- and, unfortunately -- their death.

The police report and other documents tell us a victim's name, age, and the details of their death.

It all too often tells us nothing of their life. That's our job. That's why we reach out to family members, why they very often invite us in, ask us to sit on their sofa, and bring out their precious family photos.

They know a story is going to be written, and their hope is to deliver a full picture of their loved one, not just their death but their life as well.

That is our job.

That is how we found out Sean Conroy was incredibly proud to be a product of Delaware County.

The police report didn't tell us that Jamie Hamler won a state championship while a member of the Chester Clippers high school basketball team in 1994. But it was something his family pointed to with pride.

It was her loving family members who told us that little Madison Bierling was called "our little lady bug" and that she died just a day after her first birthday.

There is another reason I was at the Gardens last Tuesday night. It's one of the reasons we did the story and photos on Monday in advance of the event.

It has to do with something Steve Conroy told me. The truth is I've heard it from many families.

They don't want their loved ones to be forgotten. They sometimes bristle that so much of the focus is on the suspects, that the victims too often get lost in the shuffle, not just in court, but in the media as well.

We have often written that Parents of Murdered Children is one group that no one wants to join.

I know that's not going to happen.

I also know this: We will continue to use our words, pictures and video to add to the remembrance, to honor their lives and keep them close to our hearts.

I can't make the pain go away. I can't put a stop to the mindless violence that plagues so many of our streets. I can't halt the headlines that so many of those despicable acts will trigger.

But I can assure you of this.

We will keep this very special place in our heart. We will keep the Living Memorial Gardens in our minds. We will keep alive the precious memories that those in attendance there Tuesday tonight hold so dear.