Thursday

I am thinking maybe I should feel a little bad about what I posted on LBs fb… but the truth is, I just can’t. “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind” but sometimes it’s the only way for people to open their fucking eyes and change! Oh that’s mean… ah well, it’s true. People don’t really change when they don’t think everything is okay, it’s only when they are on the precipice of losing everythingthat they find the will the change. Or logic to change. Of course that also contradicts what I believe- and that is that everyone is changing all the time. Every choice you make, every path you take changes you and makes you into someone you were not before. People say they don’t want to change but everyday they are changing; it’s just not always the right way to be changing. And I think that's the point.

What LB posted: “Not really caring if I piss you off or hurt your feelings today. I. Just. Don’t. Care.” To which Erin (LB’s ex gf) said “Have I ever told you that you’re SEXAY when you are angry? Lol!!!!” to which Vernon (LB’s current gf) said “Love the status… not the comment…” and here’s where I get myself into trouble “Which comment? That’s shes sexy when shes angry?... well… she is. And frustrated… that’s a sexy look on her… and giggly. She’s rarely giggly but that’s a golden moment I love to see every so often!!”

LB texted earlier this morning saying “Apparently ur fb comment really upset sarah” and my initial response off the top of my head- thank god this was texting and not face to face- was ‘and? Your point is?’ … I am not jealous that LB is seeing someone, I’m happy when she’s happy, but this person, this Vernon is just grating my nerves. Personally I think out of everything I could have done this was harmless and true. LB is sexy, that’s just a commonly known factoid, and if Vernon wants to her panties in a twist because LB’s ex’s can still CLEARLY see she’s a sexy woman than that’s her fucking insecurities to deal with and get the fuck over because that fact will never fucking change!

oh that was mean… hmmm…

“She feels its overstepping bounds n felt it was really bad that u said that knowing she didn’t like erins comment. Disrespectful/spiteful? I dunno…”

All I want to say:
Little Bit, I don’t care if she didn’t like it, I seriously couldn’t even pretend to give a rats flying fucking ass about what she likes or doesn’t like! She lives with her best friend who is straight and is pining after her and every time you go over there she throws a temper tantrum like a fucking toddler- no that’s insulting toddlers because they have their own little ‘right’ to do that, what she does is just fling disrespect at you and everything you have with Paco! And Paco! Holy flying fuck how many times has Paco been with you but catering to her BF’s temper tantrums and texting or calling her WHILE WITH YOU!? This even pisses you off!! I have no respect for the fucking ginger and frankly couldn’t care less how goddamn insecure the little bitch is- and she is insecure. She will not let go of her BF’s hand but refuses to have anyone compliment you? That’s fucked up LB, and I don’t care what you say about it- It. Is. Fucked. UP! You are a fucking sexy woman and I don’t care who is offended by my agreeing with Erin on that fact. YOU ARE FUCKING SEXY… I can’t imagine anyone who knows you denying that. Inside and out, you are, and you always will be. And let her be damned for putting that ‘boundary’ up that no one can say it.

I won’t say that to her. I will not rescind what I previously said to her. “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”

Or better yet…“Sticks and stones,
as hard as bones,
aimed with angry art…
Words can hurt like anything,
but Silence breaks the heart…”

Monday

(NOT MY PICTURE: this was sent to me in an email about the Wallow Fire in AZ)

It was a good weekend despite some potholes. Friday I wore a dress to work and everyone liked it, might make that a monthly thing. That night I went out for some drinks with Mike at Monte Vista Fire Station, one of my favorite bars, and it was nice. Once it began to get loud and crowded we left and decided to meet up at Billiard’s Palace, another favorite of mine, but Mike never made it. He texted, said he couldn’t find it and didn’t want to get a DWI so he went home. That was fine because as soon as I got there a cute- well, handsome, man who took over my tab. Peter, very nice. Made me feel good to be flirted with and then his friend Chris started flirting with me too. Made me wonder what would have happened if I had gone there in a dress and not grunge down into a vest and jeans. But we were all drinking, flirting, have a good ol’ time until Peter and I were getting ready to leave. Don’t know what sparked this but Chris takes a shot, I push Peter out of the way nearly get hit myself and shove Chris back. The bar owner, a small Armenian man, pulls Chris away from Peter and me and I drag Peter outside who is still completely oblivious as to what is happening. I later talked to Mary, the bartender, and asked what happened to make sure I didn’t owe anyone an apology but she assured me it was between Peter and Chris and that I just got in the way and tried to stop it. That sounds like me, I’m not a mean drinker, I am very happy and try to keep the surrounding area happy with me. I hate mean drinkers. But anyways-so Peter and I went to Taco Cabana, then back to my place and after some fun he left like all good toys should. It was a great, albeit dangerous, first couple of hours of my birthday. After some sleep, and a wicked hangover, I finally got up and started cleaning- which is all I wanted to do on my birthday was clean my casita. Started pulling everything out of the casita and piling it in the enclosed patio. Little Bit came over after going to Urgent Care for a bug bite or sting on her foot. She says Benadryl and other antihistamines never work for her and never make her tired- but this new medication made her giggly and giddy! She never giggles, but she’d just laugh and laugh and gasp for breath making these cute little hiccup sounds which made me laugh which made her laugh and it was just fantastic. Then she passed out. It was so cute.

She left when she woke up and after sunset I launched a flying lantern, I love those things, grabbed my laundry and went to the parents house with the dogs. Watched some Doctor Who and did most of my laundry. It was a good day, brobro called and left a message on my voicemail of him singing happy birthday, then my little sister called and sang to me as well. All in all I’d have to say that was the best birthday ever even with stupid Chris- which really is a pity because he was very handsome.

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!

Sunday was good too, I got home from laundry about 3am, fell asleep about 4-430 and slept until 11am. Continued cleaning threw away a lot of trash, played pool, drank beer, played assassins creed brotherhood and went finally turned in about midnight. Couldn’t sleep, but the window was open and the fan was on so I was lying there with my face in the moonlight, the slight breeze on my skin and the only sound was the crickets chirping… it was nice. Still didn’t sleep much, I am so tired today but the moon on my face last night had me feeling like I was asleep outside, and it was fantastic.

Grades were posted, all A’s for me, and the new term starts this week, tomorrow for me. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday which I am happy about, no Saturday class for me! Have to get my bicycle rebuilt, my motorcycle fixed and I just bought a new light bulb for my headlight on my car. I should have bought 2 but didn’t have that much money. Ah well, anyways…

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Artie sure puts up with a lot from me, the xmas hat is in my car, and then the Coyote pelt fits her nicely. Ahriman was watching me dress her up and I put it on him next. They are Old Man Coyote!!! ^__^

Tuesday

“I can’t believe you roped me into this Tony.” I hissed and pulled the camouflage uniform away from my neck.

“Sorry Kat, it seemed like a good idea at the time.” He whispered, his small frame shivering slightly as we crept down the hallway.

“Well, I was stupid enough to follow you.” I put my hand out to stop him, footsteps were getting closer and we quickly turned around and ducked into a small alcove as the footsteps turned another way and faded out. “Still,” I breathed a sigh of relief. “We need to get out of here now and away from this place.”

“Yeah,” Tony nodded. “The door should be thirty feet from here on the right.”

We stepped into the hallway again, ears straining to hear the smallest sound and we carefully picked our way to the door. Tony pulled a small bottle of WD-40 from his pocket and shot the hinges. We didn’t know if they’d creak or not but always better to be safe when hatching an escape plan.

The door opened without a sound and we slipped off into the twilight. Staying close to the back of the building with the intention of following the wall until we reached the southwest corner, then shimmy down the rock face into the ravine below, a small sprint along the river and into the forest where we would go our separate ways from there.

But as we reached the southwest corner there was a gathering of people and curiosity got the best of us. Tony walked ahead of me and starting chatting with someone about why they were all gathered there.

“The troops are marching off to war,” the stranger said eyeing our uniforms.

“We gotta get out of here,” I said but Tony sat down. I knew I should have left him there, but silly me, I stayed close by keeping an eye out as he chatted away with the stranger about the inner workings of this ‘army’.

“So when are they supposed to be marching out?” Tony asked finally but before the stranger could answer there was a thunderous cheer as the main gates of the compound openedand the platoon marched out into the road heading our direction.

“Why the fuck do I wait for you?” I groaned and ducked behind a couple of chairs as the troop marched closer and closer. They stopped in front of the crowd, saluted, executed an abrupt about-face and stood in formation, their backs to us. The precision of the troop so perfect I could easily pick out which spaces Tony and I were suppose to be occupying. The leader, a sever looking woman in a black dressed and tight bun marched over to where Tony was sinking in his chair and she told him to get back into the formation. He jumped up and ran into his spot and as she turned to go she caught sight of me in the corner of her eye.

“Come along kitty-kat.” She purred violently and I followed her back to formation and took my spot. She smiled at me as the formation turned and we headed off to the ‘lodging house’ for the night.

I tried to keep close to Tony, our last escape plan didn’t work but our next one would. As people rushed around the lodging house getting ready for the night I was surprised to see no one turned on the lights. The house was cast in blue and black shadows and the roar of the troop was quickly toning down but no one was asleep, they were just disappearing.

Tony was called to Madame Leader’s room for a talk, he chuckled saying he was going to get a scolding for our escape attempt and handed me his Nintendo DS and left. A few minutes later I was called into her room and as I entered there the air felt thicker in my lungs.

She held out her hand. “Give it to me,” she said in a sharp voice. “I know he gave it to you.”

In my pocket I could feel my cell phone that Tony was able to get back to me after Madame Leader took it, and his DS. I handed her the DS and she took it looked it over and handed it back to me.

“Where is it?” She asked again. “I know he gave it to you Kitty.”

I looked around trying to figure out what she meant.

“He can’t help you now sweetie,” she smiled viciously. “He’s… sleeping… on the gurney next room over.” She chuckled when I took a step back.

“What do you want?” I asked… then woke up.

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Strange dreams always, nightmares, but whatever. I have to remember to keep writing them down, maybe one day turn them into a novel or something. I tired to go back to bed a lot this morning, willing to be late to work, I desperately wanted to know why she needed me, what it was I was supposed to have. Why did she kill Tony, was everyone else dead? I tried and tried and tried but Artemis and Ahriman were having none of my snoozing they trampled me out of bed.

ah well

Arizona is on fire and the smoke is flooding into Albuquerque, choking the sky, making the sun a bloody mess and making the mountains vanish.