Issue 31

front cover issue #31, 1st edition, Chris Soto: "Finally, a return to the good ol' days where a cover actually features both Kirk and Spock! Not only are they both presented on both these covers, but they actually are depicted as two people involved in a relationship. Though the lines of the illo on the front cover are rather light, I applaud the presentation of two people in love. The back cover is my favorite, as not only are the feelings clearly there, but the expression on their faces indicate their awareness that they may have some struggles to overcome while traveling the road of happiness. This illo also has an innocence about it, and I'm not sure if that stems from their youthful faces or the simplicity of their nudity. [1] Another fan writes: " Beautifully rendered and filled with mood, these two pieces art just great. The cover shows vary accurate profiles (no easy task mind you!) and vary atmospheric as they stand together in the ocean and the palm trees actually swaying in the breeze. The back cover is gorgeous also. Their expressions are dreamy and thoughtful and I love the positioning of the bodies. The starry background completes the mood and is perfect for these two star travelers. Two of my favorites of Soto's consistently fine work." [2]

front and back covers issue #31, 1st edition by Chris Soto: "The front cover is Spock and Kirk holding each other while standing in a lake or ocean. They are just looking at each other. Here I really can't imagine what they are thinking. It's a puzzling picture. That's not a criticism. I can see some good writer using this picture as inspiration, and I really want to read the story if someone does it. The back cover, which I like best, shows them holding each other against a background of stars. Here, both are looking off into space obviously (to me) not seeing anything but their own thoughts or perhaps they are just enjoying the wonder of each other. The faces are great, very expressive." [3]

First Time 31 was published in 1991 and contains 186 pages. The covers are by Chris Soto. Interior art is by Dragon, Chris Soto.

Cover Up - Kay Wells (Kirk is on a stakeout with a fellow captain for a Romulan spy when the man tries to seduce him-something he had tried years before without success. "Okay," Kirk laughed. "You're not supposed to agree with me when I say I'm behaving badly. I did volunteer for this. I just wish it didn't have to be with Tom Galen." Spock turned off his terminal and shot the human a puzzled look.") (4) (This story was involved in a plagiarism incident.)

The Kiss - Penny Wise (Spock realizes Kirkʼs love for him after he starts picking up mental emanations through their link of the erotic dreams Kirk is having of them together. "Kirk inhaled sharply as the dark head moved closer to him, midnight eyes shining with warmth, chiseled Vulcan features beautiful in the subdued lighting. "T'hy'la," Spock murmured as his lips touched the rounded ear.") (26)

Verdant Wishes, poem by Belle (34)

I Lost Myself, poem by Belle (35)

All the Right Moves - Gena Moretti (While a cadet, Kirk begins a series of chess games with an unknown opponent when they both use the same small alcove in the library. "It was too days later when Kirk again spent hours studying in his little haven, and as always, before leaving he looked at the gorgeous old chess set. He reached to return the pawn to its proper place and froze. Someone has countered my move!") (36)

Moves, poem by Sue Cameron (57)

Touching - Karla Kelly (Kirk challenges Spock to a game of poker whose ante is “touches”. "In the shower, Kirk gazed fondly at his friend, water matting his eyelashes. At Spock's acknowledging glance, Kirk shrugged. "Even nude, you're dignified. You're the only one I know who can appear fully clothed without a stitch on.") (58)

Check and Mate - Elizabeth Kay (Kirk and Spock get stuck in the turbolift for 7 hours, time enough for their emotions to be declared to each other. "Jim?" For a long moment Kirk lay still, oblivious to the passage of time, as he focused past the Vulcan. Bright lights glared back from the turbolift ceiling? "Uhhhhh, damn," he muttered beneath his breath. Then his mouth twisted in a curiously wry grin. "What the hell happened?" "I would venture to say, Jim, a turbolift system failure.") (64)

Righthand Man - Barbara Taylor (After Kirk is slightly injured on a landing party, Spock seems to withdraw from him, just as he is beginning to confront his own feelings for Spock. "Captain James T. Kirk was taking great delight in teasing Leonard McCoy, M.D., about this decidedly old- fashioned way of dealing with a minor sprain and hairline fracture. "What happened to those miracle laser bone- knitters, Bones?" he taunted, half seriously. "Always worked on me before, haven't they?") (76)

Humor Most Difficult, poem by H.R. Radei (86)

Sirens & Soldiers, pen by Ruth Relons (87)

Whither Thou Goest - Carolyn Spencer (Kirk is used as bait for the Romulan commander to get Spock to go with her where she has Spock tortured, not knowing of the link that he and Kirk share. "The second wave of pain hit even harder. Spock's eyes clenched shut as he doubled over in the chair. Jim . . . ?! he sent through the link. Jim, answer me! Where are you? What is happening? A black empty void met him as he probed. Nothing! There was nothing where Jim's comfortable presence had lingered just a moment ago. Control! he ordered fiercely to himself. (88)

Consent, poem by Robin Hood (129)

Ordeal by Consent - Ciana Mitchell (novella) (Kirk and Spock are taken prisoner by a Klingon bird-of-prey after being forced down on a small planet, where Kirk uses his body to trade for medical help for Spock who was injured in the crash. "The shuttle plowed through the galactic seas. Stars shone like precious gems and nebulas splashed brilliant colors on the black void. A pair of brown eyes studied the beauty. With a pang of sorrow, their owner mused that only a short time before he might never have had the chance to see these wonders again. A presence behind him brought to mind a weary traveler finally come home; again warming his body by the hearth-fire of that familiar aura. It was good to be home again.") (130)

inside page from issue #31, sample poem and illo

inside page from issue #31, art by Dragon for "The Kiss"

inside page from issue #31, first page of a story, sample text

inside page from issue #31, the inside back cover, art by Chris Soto for "Trial by Ordeal" -- "The inside back cover goes with the story "Ordeal by Consent" by Ciana Mitchell. It shows them after ST:TMP along with a new character named Khylar. This is an interesting picture with all three people looking in different directions. It means nothing until you read the story." [4]

Issue 32

front cover issue #32, 1st edition by Lori Lee: "Why haven't I seen more of this artist's work? Beautiful nude reclining Spock! I would have loved to see this one in color!" [5]

back cover of issue #32, Lori Lee: "The covers for FIRST TIME 32 by Lori Lee are gorgeous. I really like the Kirk on the back. I can't quite figure out Spock's expression. Maybe it'll inspire a story? Kirk's face I love. His eyes are wonderful.[6]

First Time 32 was published in 1992 and contains 171 pages.

Animal Passions - Emily Adams. (Kirk is injured soon after he and Spock finish their wildlife observations. "He grasped one wrist in each hand, holding tight, with his chin resting on top, willing himself not to fidget, not to move. The itch in his thigh persisted, increasing and demanding more attention the more he tried to ignore it. Think of something else, he kept telling himself. Say the alphabet backwards, recite the names of the crew, list the names of all operating starships . . . .It was no use. The itch became irresistible and he had to scratch. No matter what. Slowly, carefully, he slid his hand down his side and between his leg and the tree limb onto which he was clinging. As he moved, the limb shook slightly, its leaves quivering with a metallic jingle. He looked up guiltily as the soft sound broke the stillness and met his first officer's eye. "Sorry," he mouthed.")

5,654 - Pat Roklos. (Kirk proves his qualification to be included in the next landing party by recalibrating the tricorder to count the hairs on Spockʼs chest. "Five thousand six hundred and . . . ah . . . . " McCoy slid his tray onto the table, watching both the coffee slosh over the top of his cup and Spock, whose face was a wooden, unreadable mask. "Fifty four," Kirk finished. "Stars surveyed this week?" McCoy guessed innocently before taking the seat next to Kirk. "No. Actually the number of hairs . . . on Spock's chest," Kirk answered seriously, never breaking eye contact with his first officer.")

Love and Lies - Royal Stewart Montgomery. (Spock receives a message he believes is from Sarek informing him of his newly secured bondmate, just as Kirk has decided to tell Spock of his feelings for him. "That covers Engineering." Kirk flipped the pages in his list of departmental reports. "Mr. Spock?" Kirk glanced at his second in command as Spock began his report. He tried to keep his mind focused on what Spock was saying but his thoughts kept straying to more personal concerns. He couldn't hear Spock's words because he was too busy watching the mouth forming those words. Soft, Kirk thought, I bet his lips are soft. They'd feel wonderful.")

First Time... Again - Jacquie Renee. (Kirk and his crew are rescued by Vulcans before they can be extradited to Earth for the Genesis affair in order to allow Kirk to help his bondmate regain his memories after the fal tor pan. "After Admiral Kirk's third brandy, he finally took notice of his surroundings. A dark outworld bar probably on the frontier of the alien sector of ShiKahr. How he got here he was uncertain that the brandy helped, he was certain. Aliens mingled and talked among themselves. Tellerites, Andorians, humans, and even a Vulcan or two populated the bar. No one took notice of The Best is Yet to Come - Jean Gabriel. (After a conversation while camping in Yosemite, both Kirk and Spock separately come to the realization that they love one another, but each is unsure of the otherʼs feelings. "They talked far into the night. Long after the crickets had stopped their incessant chirping, long after the full moon had travelled across the sky, even after McCoy had fallen fast asleep by the flickering campfire. Long after...")

That Sweet Used to Be - Karla Kelly. (Kirk realizes that Spock is in pon farr, and even though Spock is at Gol they are mentally drawn to each other. "Admiral Kirk sat in the restaurant, waiting for Lori to return to the table, idly turning the brandy glass in his hands, when the band began to play "Beyond Antares." Instantly Spock appeared before his eyes, as clear and as real as he had been on the Enterprise, playing his lyre to accompany Uhura's singing. The memory replaced reality and Kirk saw it all again. Spock looked down as he played, the light glinting off the soft black hair. Uhura's voice filled the rec room and Kirk was struck by the beauty of the pair. It was enough to make his stomach contract with jealousy. Suddenly, Spock looked up and their eyes caught, revealing their hidden emotions. For one unexpected moment, they absorbed the love emanating from the other, unshielded, unashamed. Then Spock dropped his eyes, leaving Kirk to wonder if that sharing had ever taken place.")

Rainy Days - Sharon Travis. (Kirk misses Spock while heʼs on Earth during his shore leave, but then he gets an unexpected visitor. "It's raining. Hmm . . . . I smell coffee; soon she'll come upstairs and bring me a mug hot and steaming just like in those days when I was home from the Academy, on vacation. I love being at home. Although my true home now is the Enterprise. No, not only the ship, but the work and the people who work with me. I miss them. I miss you, Spock.")

Magic - Penny Wise. (Kirk fantasizes about Spock and unknowingly sends his feelings to Spock through their link. "James T. Kirk surveyed with disgust the elegant trap which his first officer and friend had just sprung. He was checkmated, but that disturbed the young man less than the face he hadn't even seen it coming. He raised his eyes to the solemn dark ones, now holding the faintest hint of humor.")

Not Men Apart - Kathy Stanis. (Beaming down to the planet Gaia, Kirk and Spock find themselves in an area that causes relaxed, though energized states. ""I know, Jim. It would seem we are . . . graced with heightened perception and extrasensory communication here. At the risk of sounding poetic,I feel the very gravitation as an . . . embrace. Matter-of- factness vied with flights of fancy in a dance of expression across his face. "Ah, yes." Kirk unhesitatingly moved closer and put his hand on the back of Spock's neck. The Vulcan visible loosened, the last vestiges of tension flowing out at the smooth and commanding touch. Kirk's voice was silken. "That's where we left off, isn't it?")

Order of the Elite - Kay Wells. (Kirk and McCoy beam down to Vulcan to witness a ceremony by the group Spock wishes to join, but Kirk is angered when he discovers that it would mean that Spock would never bond. "One after the other, the ten men with the red sashes repeated the same Vulcan phrase and began walking around the outside of the circle. The men without arm bands closed their eyes. Kirk estimated there were nearly seventy men in the room and he counted twelve, other than himself and the doctor, who wore neither arm bands nor the boot sash. Spock was one of the twelve.")

Warriors - Sharon Travis. (Kirk goes to Spockʼs cabin and they bond, but then Kirk awakens to find it was a dream. "I'm standing here at the door to your quarters. Five minutes, now. I'm nervous. If someone comes past, I'll have to excuse myself and run. But who would come at this hour? None. No more excuses! I have to speak to you . . . and it must be now!")

Equilibrium - Kate Singer. (Kirk has trouble sleeping after the incident with the Romulans. "Another factor which had the same effect on Kirk was his burgeoning friendship with Spock. Unbeknownst to Kirk, his features softened as he thought of the enigmatic half-alien who was his first officer, garnering warm smiles and greetings from the weary crewmen he passed. But his hands unconsciously clenched into fists and his jaw firmed again when he remembered the xenophobic slurs the Vulcan had endured from Stiles due to his uncanny physical resemblance to the Romulans.")

Primitive Cultures - Kay Wells. (On a planetʼs primitive enclave, Spockʼs reaction to their blatant sexuality goads Kirk into going with a native man. "Kirk stepped through the security gates, not sure if he were eager or not to see the native area of a highly developed tourist planet, Heran Orlis. He had only agreed as part of a bargain with Spock, and now hoped it wouldn't be so boring that he'd regret it. The guard handed him a temporary visitor's permit and he stepped through the lowered force field. The tight security surprised him, especially since there were no particular restraints on visiting the native sector.") (4)

Truth, poem by Jackie Meadows (14)

Desert Rose, poem by Linda Frankel (15)

Deeper into the Heart - Kathy Stanis. (On a camping trip in Yosemite, Kirk and Spock realize their love for one another. "Spock awoke rather late that morning, with more than usual clarity of mind yet strangely flushed, feeling every nerve ending and the warm flow of blood. He sat, still, slowly remembering the dream. Briefly contemplating the concept of "embarrassment," he concluded it not worthy of much consideration. The sight of naked skin stirred a flow of memory.... He found he preferred not to disturb this unusual reverie, preferred to dwell a while longer in this sense of connectedness with...Jim Kirk.") (16)

Lute or Leaf, poem by Linda Frankel (23)

Sacrifices of the Heart - Elizabeth Kay. (Kirkʼs plan to change TʼPauʼs mind regarding his and Spockʼs bonding fails and ends up causing Spock to reject him. "Leonard McCoy leaned against the door partition in his friend's quarters and sighed heavily for emphasis. "Why aren't you nervous?" he asked no one in particular. "People getting married should be nervous, Jim. I don't know, I'm beginning to think this isn't such a good idea after all.")

Soul Searching - Kate Singer. (Spock must find a way for both Kirkʼs to accept their reunification after Kirk is split by a transporter malfunction. "Firmly gripping the identical biceps, Spock and McCoy helped the duplicate Kirks from the bridge, the "gentle" one supporting the comforting the wild one who had attacked him, though it obviously taxed his own remaining strength.") (66)

Image,poem by Jackie Meadow (82)

Doorways - Jenna Sinclair. (In a meld with Spock, Kirk recalls his “lesson” when the unit he was in as a cadet is abducted by slavers. "The big, bearded, gray-haired man sat morosely in the corner of the bar. He was slouched back in his seat, staring fixedly at the mug on the table in front of him, fingers lightly curled around it. To the waiter's practiced eyes, he was a customer who would be there for a while, drowning whatever demons he saw in the alcohol. The man would be surly, and would probably leave a lousy tip.") (84)

Kismet, poem by Sharon Travis (112)

On Being Invisible, poem by Jackie Meadows (113)

The Journal - Carolyn Spencer. (Spock ends up in 1885 with the Jim Kirk of that time, an ancestor of his bond-mate. "The nights are always worse. It's always at night when day's chores are done and I ain't got nothing to do afore bed that I think of her. We looked forward to these hours. It was the only time of the day we could spend together. We'd come out here to the porch and sit watching night creep over the mountains. The stars were more beautiful then. Now they only look cold and the sky very empty. I don't even know why I keep coming out here Habit I guess. I hardly remember to light the lamp after dinner now. Why bother? Sometimes I still scratch a few lines in this here journal, but mostly it hardly seems worth the trouble. One day is pretty much like the next.") (114)

One Night's Compromise - Sylvia Bond. (Spock requests a transfer when he realizes that his and Kirkʼs relationship is nearing the point of taking that last step, but Kirk is unwilling to lose so easily. "Kirk had requested he be notified when the Enterprise docked at Starbase 11 for shore leave, and Spock did so automatically. Moments after he gently thumbed the communications channel closed, the Captain came striding through the door of the lift.") (10 pages)

Heroes - Karla Kelly. (After their run-in with the forms of Lincoln and Surak, Kirk wonders if either man was ever truly happy and decides to offer Spock what they never had. "Do you think Surak was ever loved, Spock?" Right brow raised, Spock looked at his captain over the chess board. Kirk was obviously not interested in the game.") (10 pages)

Dreamscape - Bryan Taylor. (The radiation that is causing madness in the inhabitants of a planet creates dreams of hidden desires in the crew of the Enterprise. "The Enterprise has been assigned to investigate a strange phenomena that seems to be disturbing a peaceful culture known as the Mirani civilization. A few days ago, they reported unusual behavior patterns in their population, driving normally quiescent individuals into madness.") (25 pages)

The Power of Suggestion - Barbara Taylor. (An overheard conversation gets Kirk thinking even more about Spock than he already does. "As he made his way to the rec room for dinner, Kirk contemplated life. It's good on this ship. Damn good. Best of Starfleet, ship and crew. Best assignments, too, mostly challenging ones, for certain. And dangerous, though even the routine can turn dangerous out here.") (4 pages)

Tidal Wave - Pandora H. (Spock is dismayed when Kirk returns from a month away from the ship with a new female crewmember in tow, making his growing desire for the captain since his aborted pon farr harder to control. "Okay, Spock, I give in." "Give in?" "Yeah...give in, concede...admit defeat." "In that case, Doctor....") (15 pages)

The Most Primitive Organ - Jane Yambe. (Kirk is disturbed by something, and Spock is determined to find out about what. "May I inquire, then," the Vulcan said, "what is troubling you? You have been preoccupied.") (2 pages)

The Match - Penny Wise. (Kirk and Spock are forced to participate in a ship-wide test that uses a computer program to match compatibilty in order to find ones perfect mate. "He wanted a companion, someone to love, to talk with and play chess with; to snuggle with. Someone who loved him. Someone who knew his needs and met them, who took care of him occasionally, instead of his role always to take care of others. (11 pages)

Musical Beds - Kay Wells. (After a night of drinking, Kirk awakens in Spockʼs bed and fears he has sexually assaulted his first officer. "James Kirk rolled over and immediately wished he hadn't. He hurt. Unable to identify anything specific, he only knew that he didn't want to move again.") (10 pages)

Human... and from the Stars - Shelley Butler. (The day before heʼs to take command of the Enterprise, a malfunctioning ship finds Kirk crashed on Vulcan and five thousand years in its past. "Spock continued gazing intently at him. "Human," he said and frowned with the attempt to comprehend. "From the stars." He sat back on his heels, placing his hands on his thighs.The unfathomable ebony lakes drowned Kirk with their sight. Despite the turmoil, despite the fear, despite the foreboding he felt, there was something about this Vulcan that made him feel as though he belonged here, with this warlord.") (17 pages)

No Witnesses - Kate Singer. (Spock has a hidden lover whose fatal illness results in Spock taking extended leave from the Enterprise, raising fears in Kirk that he is losing the Vulcan. "No one but the transporter technician had seen the ship's first officer (looking somehow more imposing than ever in Vulcan civilian garb) when he beamed down to the planet late into low watch.") (38 pages)

[zine]: The latest I have seen of the long-running K/S series from Robin Hood, one of fandom s most prompt and reliable editors.

[About some stories]: Unable to remain on the Enterprise with his hopeless love (or Kirk, Spock requests a transfer. An anomaly causes dream-fantasies in the Enterprise crew (McCoy s vision of Uhura would not be easy to explain to that young woman!), and Kirk has to face his fear of being alone. Spock discovers that jealousy can sometimes have a positive result. A new computer experiment is designed to select compatible ships crews - but can also find the perfect mate. A night out with Scotty leaves Kirk with a bad hangover - and a guilty conscience. Thrown back into Vulcan's past when His shuttle crashes. Kirk meets a powerful Warlord, (This story contains very explicit detail, and has the weakness of offering no explanation for Kirks eventual return to his own time.) Spock takes extended leave to be with his dying lover. Kirk suddenly realises that he might not return, and unaware of his reasons, beams down to find him. Although involving an outsider, I nevertheless enjoyed this story.

This zine included two points that have irritated me from time to time over the years. Why, pray, would there be a Vulcan Embassy ON VULCAN? And why is it so difficult to portray McCoy as concerned without making him nosey? Doctor or not, an uninvited intrusion into a friend's private quarters is stepping over the bounds. Apart from this, the zine has much to offer the K/S reader, though of course anyone opposed to the subject should avoid it The series in general covers a wide range of subjects and author, and as with all Robin's zines, is supplied promptly.

The covers show a nude Kirk and Spock on the front. Kirk standing behind Spock; on the back cover they are embracing. Again, don't open over the breakfast table. [9]

Issue 35

front cover issue #35, 1st edition, Caren Parnes. -- "They are breathtaking. Now, I’m not an artist and don’t know the technical reasons why they are gorgeous, but they are. The front is Kirk; the back is Spock. Both are shown from the chest up, unencumbered by clothing and morphed into a puma (Kirk) and a wolf (Spock). A majestic eagle perches on Kirk’s shoulder as the sun blazes overhead. A hawk surveys his moonlit domain from above Spock. Light and dark. Power and strength. Courage and wisdom. The stuff of legends. Both are half-enclosed in ovals and would look great in your living room." [10]

Eye of the Firestorm - J S Cavalcante. (After being rejected by TʼPring, Spock feels himself going back into the fever and asks Kirk to accept his resignation so he can return to Vulcan. "A tall silhouette, black on the starry black of space. It would have been carved in obsidian from Vulcan's famed L-langon hills. Kirk stood for a moment in the spill of light from the open doorway, watching his first officer and closest friend stand staring out at the stars, unmoving. He stepped inside. The door shut, sealing both men into the profound darkness, the profound light. Kirk stayed rooted to the spot for an eternity as his eyes adjusted.") (26 pages)

The Last Hunt - Alice Hooker. (Kirk is upset when he learns that the diplomat the Enterprise is to transport is the same man Kirk was assigned to as a cadet and who drugged him to be used sexually by another male. ""Standard orbit, sir." Sulu turned and his Captain simply nodded,leaping restlessly from the center seat after having st down for only a moment. Kirk crossed to the science station. "Er...Mister Spock, please see to Ambassador Reed and his party. I'll be busy elsewhere." Unable to meet the concerned eyes of his first officer, Kirk hurried from the bridge, leaving behind a worried and mystified Vulcan.") (41 pages)

A Logicial Courtship - Anne Marie. (When Spock informs him that TʼPau is looking for another bondmate for him, Kirk applies but must now re-win Spock after avoiding him while waiting to be accepted. "Captain James Kirk smiled happily to himself as he left his cabin and headed for the mess hall. He had just received orders for the Enterprise to continue her exploration of an uncharted area of space along the course the ship was travelling on; he was anticipating a pleasant evening of dinner followed by chess in the company of his best friend and first officer, Spock; and he had even finished all his paperwork.") (17 pages)

A Love Found in Time - Shelley Butler. (While helping Vulcan researchers collect Vulcan history from the Guardian, Spock is accidentally thrown into Vulcanʼs past when the landing party is attacked by smugglers. "Spock," the one named Kirk said, standing in the small, bright room that was designated his chambers. "You must come back with me." Looking at the proud warrior, he was looking at a stranger. "Something's happened to you, don't you remember?" The Vulcan frowned. It was unsettling to hear the language that was spoken by this human. And that was what Kirk had called himself. So Spock began speaking this language with the human and found the words came easily. He did not remember, but he still knew this human. He knew him deep within his dreams. He knew him from the visions rising out of his kat'ra. It was unfamiliar, but he knew him. And this knowing made the warrior want to take this Kirk into his arms and tell him of love. And show him love, with all of the passion.") (39 pages)

Blue Courage - Kay Wells. (Kirk, thinking theyʼre going to die before help can arrive, talks Spock into making love while marooned on an unknown planet. "Well, I guess this is really it this time," Captain James Kirk announced boldly as he turned from looking at the wall of rain just outside the tiny cave. "I calculate the odds of our rescue at " his science officer started to say. Kirk interrupted with a gesture of his hand, tattered shirt sleeve waving like a flag of surrender. "I really don't want to know the odds, Spock. Besides, how could you possibly calculate odds on something with so many unknown factors? No, don't answer that either. The shuttle sank before you had a chance to manually activate the distress beacon and I can't believe we managed to lose both our communicators out there." Wearily, he waved in the general direction of everywhere. They had already had this same conversation several times in the days they had been trapped.") (46 pages)

Issue 36

The Tirizan - J.S. Cavalcante, art by DEW (At a diplomatic reception, a Betazoid diplomat “feels” the unexpressed love between Kirk and Spock and decides to do something about it. Sequel: Tinzandi. "I met him at a diplomatic reception on Rigel Seven. Not the most prepossessing of places to meet someone you're going to fall hopelessly in love with. But that's where it was. And he was the most unbelievably sexy man I’d ever come across. Which is saying a lot. I've been to fifteen planets in just the last two months. I've shaken more hands, and rubbed more noses, and stroked more feathers, and tentacles, and what-have-you in the last two months than in the rest of my life put together. Did I mention he's in Starfleet? That was the other thing that surprised the hell out of me. I've never gone for a guy in uniform before. They've never been my type.") (4)

Surveillance - Elizabeth Scott, art by Elizabeth Scott (Kirk has a hard time keeping his feelings to himself when he and Spock go on surveillance duty. "The image of Admiral Robert Morrow chuckled from the comm screen in Kirk's quarters. "You know, righteous indignation really doesn't become you, Jim. Much as you protest, I can already see that swashbuckling mind of yours working overtime to solve this entire mess. But yes, all we want you to do is spend a nice, leisurely two weeks holding down the surveillance until we can get clandestine operations there." "Why us? I've got any of four hundred twenty-odd folks who could babysit as well.") (18)

Surveillance, poem by Robin Hood (42)

Cliches - Pandora H, art by Chris Soto (Continuous interuptions as Kirk and Spock attempt to bond. "You do understand the logistics, my son?" "Mmm, sounds interesting," murmured a seductive voice in his ear as a pair of gold-clad arms encircled him. "The meld must only in instigated at the optimum point, for if orgasm is not shared the bond will be incomplete. Your control at this time will be responsible for the strength of the resultant bond." "Yes, father," Spock replied, thankful the hook-up was only audio. "Thank you for supplying the information." "I hope this is not a precipitous decision on your part, Spock." "Precipitous!" snorted his lover in disgust.") (44)

Dim the Flame, poem by Patt (69)

The Bet- Karla Kelly (Exasperated with his science officerʼs lack of empathy for his aroused state, Kirk bets Spock that the Vulcan cannot go the whole day with a hard-on. "Damn it, Spock, don't Vulcans ever...." His voice trailed off. Of course Vulcans did not walk about with a hard-on, but damn it! I'm only human.") (70)

Games, poem by Patt (77)

The Conversation - Jamie Belle (Kirk wants a conversation with Spock regarding human biology. "Spock, I'd like to talk with you sometime." "What is the topic you wish to discuss?" "Ah...let's say it's...human biology...with maybe a touch of human psychology thrown in for good measure. "'Thrown in for good measure.' Another idiom I comprehend but fail to understand. Indeed, it is hard to separate the biological and mental processes of a human. Will you be more specific? Or would that constitute starting the conversation?") (78)

Never Again, poem by Patt (81)

Don't You Remember? - Kathy Stanis (During their trip into Earthʼs past to retrieve the whales, Kirk hopes that a meld between them with restore Spockʼs memories. "Jim, Spock. You used to call me Jim. Don't you remember?" Shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh with his resurrected Vulcan on the crowded city bus, now free of discordant noise and travelling at an oddly relaxing pace across the Golden Gate, Jim Kirk tuned out for a moment the sense in his pulse of a time-bomb ticking and stared at Spock's hands, calm and still against white cloth. He wanted to touch them.") (82)

untitled poem by Patt (86)

The Web, poem by Sue Cameron (87)

Look to the Heart - Judith Coventry, art by Shelley Butler (To recuperate from his injury sustained during the Babel conference, Kirk is invited to Vulcan by Sarek and Amanda and while there, discovers a member of Spockʼs family he did not know existed. "Sickbay was finally quiet with the lights dimmed for sleep. Amanda shifted in her chair, making herself comfortable. She looked briefly up at her husband, and frowned. This had been much too close for her liking, almost losing them Spock and Sarek. She glanced toward the other occupied bed. How could she thank him for what he had done? No one said it, but she sensed the young Captain had probably been only a heart beat away from death because of that little escapade on the bridge...and all for her son.") (88)

Fragile Hands, poem by Robin Hood (233)

“The Need for Stars” by Carolyn Spencer (p. 134-154). (After years of refusing the bond, Spockʼs death makes Kirk realize what he had been asking of his lover, and with Spockʼs revival, what he will ask for now. “But my favorite, the one that recurred most often, was the vision of Spock lying among a bed of stars. The silken black hair grown long enough to reach to his ankles was the only garment he wore. And the stars were shining in, and through his long, black hair. Or maybe his hair was made up of stars. His legs were spread for me. Arms flung wide. Face, contorted and so open in his passion. Body writhing in sexual abandon. Again he would offer not only his body, but his heart and mind and soul as precious gifts for us to share. Here in this forever place of dreams, where there was no past and no future. I was able to accept them. And I finally knew all of him. Spock, among the stars. Where he was meant to be. Where we were both meant to be.”)

Second Star to the Right - Kay Wells, art by DEW (At the end of the Khitomer peace process, Kirk and Spock finally admit to their feelings for one another as they return to Earth to face retirement. "Totally unable to speak, Kirk sat staring at Uhura, her words ringing in his ears and echoing through his numbed brain. They'd hardly had time to catch their breaths and were being ordered to return to headquarters immediately to be decommissioned. Tears wells up in his eyes; if he blinked his image would be shattered with the bursting dam of emotions pushed too far. Recent events had been overwhelming. It was Spock who broke the silence, speaking in clear, precisely measured words. "If I were human...I would tell them to go to hell...if I were human.") (156)

[art on page 149 by Shelley Butler]: Wow! This is the first piece of work I've seen by this new artist, and it just blew me away! As the old saw goes, I don't know much about art, but I know what I like, and this is what I like! This rendering of Spock with long flowing hair is set very imaginatively against a panorama of stars and includes visions of the magnificent bod (Leonard should ever have looked so good!), as if seen in a mirror. I'm addicted to long-haired Spocks, and this one is done superbly, and in a very creative manner. [11]

Issue 37

front cover issue #37, 1st edition by Deeb: "It was quite a shock when I saw the cover of FIRST TIME 37. There, staring at me from the cover of a zine was the same picture that I see every single day, several times, from where it hangs in my closet (That sacred place where all K/S artifacts are... kept. My husband calls it my shrine and claims I worship there.) The picture of Spock with his lyre is one of my all time favorites, and I had the pleasure of purchasing the original back in June of 1991, at the twenty-fifth anniversary convention. Deeb's style of strong black ink (I know nothing about art, guys, forgive my naive inaccuracies) is especially suited to pictures of Spock. I think. And this is a wonderful Spock, with strength and character and a little touch of humor shown beautifully in that exquisite curve of his lips. .. Sigh. Bravo. Deebl I still love that picture, and now everybody else can enjoy It too. [12]

front & back covers issue #37, 1st edition

First Time 37 was published in 1993 and contains 150 pages.

The Perfect Day - Lee Owers Sansome. (Kirk treats Spock to a perfect day and then for dinner takes him to an exotic restaurant where he has “something special” for Spock. "As they passed, once more, through the ornate gates of the Botanical Gardens on their way back to the city, Commander Spock of Vulcan stole a glance at his companion. Captain James T. Kirk strolled casually beside him, hands thrust deep into the pockets of his loose cotton pants. Kirk looked relaxed and happy, head held high to face the last rays of sunshine in what had been a glorious day.") (15 pages)

Double, Double - Karla Kelly. (Spock is split in two, one male, one female, during an ion storm and finds his desire for Kirk is the needed catalyst to reunite him. "Captain, I'm getting another Vulcan reading!" Kirk's eyes never left the shimmering form on the transporter platform. "Lock on to it," he ordered, voice harsh. The ship lurched and the translucent light that was the First Officer blinked off and on, fading only to be reestablished seconds later.") (8 pages)

Bright Flame - Katie Berman. (After being held captive together Spock and Sulu become lovers, unaware that both have ulterior motives and that itʼs tearing Kirk apart. "In one month's time the first five year mission would be over and for the first time in his life Spock had no idea what he was to do.") (31 pages)

A Timely Story - Karla Kelly. (In Vulcanʼs past without his memory, Spockʼs only link to his own time is his pleasure slave, Jim, who is aware of who they really are but needs Spock and his memories to get them back. "He loves to play with my hair, winding it around his fingers, looping it over my ears, chewing on it. He can spend hours combing and braiding it. This symbol of my refusal to fight again now reaches below my ass. His is just to his shoulder.") (5 pages)

Yes, He Said, Yes - Kathy Stanis. (Kirk and Spock are lovers but Kirk refuses to meld during sex until, raped by his own body while trapped in Janice Lesterʼs, he realizes the difference love can make. "With one last long hard thrust Spock felt inside and outside become one dazzling radiating wave of nerve- overloading and sense-dissolving release, but the whimpering groan that limped out of his mouth was a pale echo of the howls of ecstacy which had at first spilled out to flood his joinings with Kirk like a river of hot intoxicating musk.") (11 pages)

The Flavor of Gold - Sylvia Bond. (Spock follows Kirk after finding out that Kirk took an undercover assignment while on shoreleave. "He walked briskly through the maze of streets, and tried to shut out the roar of the city, the clatter of voices and footsteps, and the ever present high pitched, slightly off-key sound of rain spluttering against a million square feet of transparent aluminum, steel and concrete. It hadn't taken him long to deduce where Kirk had gone, once he'd spoken to McCoy.") (81 pages)

[art on page 70 and 71 by Fiona Graves]: I firmly believe that old adage "the eyes are the windows to the soul." Here in this portrait of Kirk, the eyes pull you in and hold your attention, then pull you in even deeper. The overall effect is one of a candidly pensive moment; Kirk in thought or even daydreaming a little. Very mellow, very gentle. [13]

Issue 38

back cover of issue #38, 1st edition -- "Typically wonderful Chris Soto covers. The delicate touch is so immediately recognizable that the artist hardly needs to sign her name at this point. The back cover of Kirk reclining was perfect. The intent expression and well-done body proportions on our captain had my fingers itching to pull away that concealing sheet. On second thought, I'll leave that job to a certain Vulcan. But the front cover was my favorite... Spock's face, chest, arms, and long, eloquent hands are bathed in light while the black of the background fades into the black robe he is wearing. Use of light and dark are extraordinary. Stark and yet soft as the man himself. [14]

front cover issue #38, 1st edition by Chris Soto: -- "He is handsome, mysterious, alien, strong. He is just Spock. What a wonderful portrait -- one of the best I've ever seen!" [15] Another fan writes: "Very beautiful Spock. So quiet and strong. Perfect pace, Striking pose. Excellent light-and-darkness. Something about it invites me to get lost in contemplation." [16] Another fan writes: "An absolutely lovely rendition of Spock sitting pensively, long fingers steepled characteristically in front of him. Such an intriguing, serious face as he looks off into the distance. The use of dark shadow and background contrasted against the light face is superbly done- This is filled with emotion, seemingly quiet and serene, but one senses the fire underneath! A stunning use of black and white and probably one of my favorites of Chris Soto's work. I say probably because there's so much to choose from. [17] Another fan writes in her Shore Leave convention report that when she met Chris Soto she embraced "her so enthusiastically that we almost fell over. Then, buying at auction a print of her Spock from the cover of FT 38. This is my second favorite piece of Soto art. The first being the original."[18]

The Perfect Gift by Karla Kelly (Kirk is looking for the perfect Christmas gift for Spock and finally decides on the gift of himself. "The problem with you, Jim, is you keep looking for the perfect gift. There ain't no such thing." Kirk shrugged, refusing to acknowledge the truth of his CMO's statement. "It's just that Spock deserves the best." McCoy grinned, shaking his head. "Well, keep looking.") (4)

Virus by Royal Stewart Montgomery (Spock is intentional exposed to a deadly virus by an unknown crew person.) (14)

Stardust, poem by Robin Hood (40)

One Damn Lucky Bastard by Brianna Falken (Kirkʼs unremembered wet-dreams hold the key to the continuous retransference between himself and Janice Lesterʼs body long after she should have been able to cause it. "Soft green-gold eyes opened to meet dark brown velvet. "I love you, Spock," Kirk breathed. "I think I always have." "I too, until death and beyond," the deep baritone whispered. "Know this also, Jim. Although I would love you in any form you happen to inhabit, I prefer you as you are, in all your masculinity. For you are beautiful so beautiful you make my blood burn as no woman, Vulcan or human ever could.") (42)

There is No Luck, poem by Robin Hood (64)

Three Faces of Spock, poem by Robin Hood (67)

The Captain's Needs by Quilla S. Pongee (On the anniversary of Gary Mitchellʼs death, McCoy asks Spock to stay with the Captain. "Anyway...I wanted to talk to you about...." McCoy noticed himself beginning to fidget under the Vulcan's intense stare. "The captain." Spock didn't have to hazard a guess. Jim Kirk was the primary focus of their lives. "The the 'anniversary.'") (68)

Worth My Life, poem by Robin hood (99)

Personal Property by Rosemarie Heaton (Spock helps a fellow unbonded Vulcan through pon farr and when he runs into him again at a starbase, the Vulcan returns the favor by helping Spock get Kirk as his lover. "Why didn't you check with me?" "You were ashore with Doctor McCoy and therefore unavailable." "You could have contacted us." Kirk was impatient. "You had specifically stated that you had no wish to be interrupted." Spock had no intention of informing his captain he would not have told him anyway.") (100)

Safe Haven, poem by Robin Hood (123)

Echoes of Forever by Kathy Stanis (While in the past of the 1930ʼs, Kirk and Spock see a 3rd timeline in the tricorder, one in which they remain in the past and help create a better world as bondmates. (124)

The Passion of Their Destiny by Shelley Butler (The Vians torture Kirk and Spock in order to get them to reveal their “passion”. "They've probed my mind, Spock," Kirk said, anger tingeing his rough voice. "They wanted to know about me." "Passion," Spock answered. And Kirk knew what he meant. "Yes," Kirk pulled on the tethers, feeling hope now that Spock was here by his side. Even tied as he was, somehow Kirk knew the Vulcan would find a way out of this. "They made me remember...." "The Enterprise and the first time we met," Spock completed. "Yes, Spock ," Kirk said clearly despite the pain. "My passions.") (148)

inside page from #38, artist is Deeb for "The Perfect Gift" -- "Great picture of Kirk and Spock kissing under the mistletoe! It accompanies the very cute Karla Kelly story, “The Perfect Gift”. Or maybe Kirk and Spock are just about to kiss - both have their mouths open with the lips just touching. I like the way Kirk’s hand is resting on Spock’s throat, and Spock’s hand is in Kirk’s hair." [19]

inside page from #38, artist is Deeb for "One Damn Lucky Bastard" -- "Well, if you want to get your heart rate up, look at this picture, which accompanies Brianna’s story. It shows Kirk in a wanton, inviting pose. He’s on his stomach, left leg drawn up a bit, testicles partly shown, and arms clutching a pillow as if to brace himself for what is to come. (Ahem.) Very erotic picture. It does not perfectly illustrate the action in the story, since Kirk is on his back when Spock takes him there, but the way the story is going, I’m sure they’ll get around to this position soon!" [20]

inside page from #38, artist is Shelley Butler for "Echoes of Forever" -- "I love this drawing for itself-Kirk in jeans and plaid shirt in the basement--but also because, unbeknownst to either of us, as I began to write the story based on "City on the Edge of Forever," Shelley was doing this drawing. What a very appealing Kirk.... And I saw the original, of which the printed version is an enlargement. I really love it small-exquisite tiny detail. Most work of Shelley's I've seen is large, but you should see what she can do with small--also very fine work. [21] Another fan writes: "The illustration used to accompany the above story (ed. Echoes of Forever) It's the best I have seen. Few artists have the ability to draw a realistic Kirk. If the features are correct they are often expressionless. Shelley has got round this problem in the most imaginative way. We only see a small part of his face as he is turned away. Yet this IS Kirk, Every line shouts the fact out loud. The plaid shirt emphasis it if the viewer should be in any doubt. The detail even to the jeans, is wonderful, and that gorgeous ass... exactly right. I feel as though I could put my hands out and grab him!!" [22] Another fan writes: "The Kirk in plaid shirt in this zine is wonderful. SHelley has done a marvelous job not only on the shirt, but on Kirk's expression. I wish I had the companion piece." [23]

inside page from #38, artist is Deeb for "The Captain's Needs" -- "Oh, my lucky stars! Here I am once again attempting to verbalize how much excitement and enjoyment I derive from a piece of art (I'm not sure if I mean the whole picture or the most tantalizing penis I believe I've ever seen!) Both are exquisite! Spock has a very youthful looking face, but who can linger there long enough to truly appreciate the face? What a prize-winning piece of equipment! Long and sturdy and perfedly formed—Thank you, thank you, DEEB. It's a wonder Kirk ever makes it to the bridge!" [24] Another fan writes: "Well, if the picture on page 62 was for Kirkophiles, this picture will cause all the Spockophiles to swoon dead away! Whoa, my goodness me. Yummy, yummy, yummy! My K/S friends know that I find Kirk to be more attractive, but if Leonard Nimoy looked like this then I might have to consider changing my opinion! (Well, maybe I would let him tie with Kirk in my affections.) This is a nude of Spock on his knees. A supremely well endowed Spock, I might add! What I like about this picture is that it is an idealized representation of Spock that I find believable. I just don’t buy the pictures of Spock I sometimes see where he is rippling with muscles. Leonard Nimoy has that long, lean physique that I don’t think can ever look like a body builder. I have a friend with a build like Nimoy’s (tall and slender) and he went to the gym for six months once with a man who had a build more like Shatner’s (shorter and more compact.) My friend was quite chagrined when after both diligently worked out for six months, his friend had muscles everywhere while he hardly looked any different. This picture of Spock is more muscular than Nimoy was in the series, but in a believable fashion. The shoulders are a bit broader, so the waist is a little more defined, and the arms are also a little more muscular. For the long, lean body type, this picture is just about perfect. (In my opinion, of course. I know lots of fans love a rippling with muscles Spock, but it’s just not to my tastes.)" [25]

inside page from #38, artist is Deeb "Three times Spock: the warrior -- sensuous and passionate, the Mirror Spock -- dark and powerful, the young Spock of our universe -- shy and innocent. What lovely idea to show them all in one picture!" [26] Another fan writes: "This third picture is very different in technique from the first two (or it looks that way to my untrained eye). It accompanies Robin’s “Three Faces of Spock” poem, and so is divided into three parts. The background is entirely black around the pictures of Spock presented here. Great representation of the side view of an AU warrior Spock (sexy braid and earring) on the left. In the middle is a head on picture of the mirror Spock looking appropriately menacing and sinister. To the right is our Spock, face partly hidden, looking pensive and thoughtful. I loved seeing three faces of Spock in one picture like this." [27]

[Three Faces of Spock: poetry (Robin Hood) and art (Deeb)]: Exquisite! Each separately, and especially together. The drawings are perfection; the poetry adds even more life to them. I love the way the poem depicts that these are three faces of Spock as seen by Kirk, and of course he loves them all. [28]

[poetry]: I am going to be presumptuous and bend the old rules just for this LOC. I want to comment on more than just one poem of Robin's. There has never really been a place to say how very much I have always loved all her poetry. I've always really been sparked by her "First Time" pieces on the cover pages inside each zine. It's fascinating that each time she can make such magic with so few words- Each time really is like the first time, and she has expressed exactly that 38 different ways so far! Also, all the other unacknowledged poetry she slips in at the ends of stories a few choice words, always so apt. Brilliant little gems. And the actual poems of hers in FT38 I appreciated as much as any I have ever read of hers. In particular, "Safe Haven" and "Haven't you ached.... They are very moving; there is a beautiful depth, strength and intensity, and a slipping out of bounds - exactly what we like poetry to do. I read them over and over. [29]

[art by Deeb]: Well, when rereading First Time 38 before I wrote my LOC on Brianna Falken’s story for this issue, I noticed once again all the great art by Deeb in the zine. Deeb is one of the artists whose work I really enjoy, but I’ve never written any LOC’s to tell her that. I really enjoyed all of her art within the zine, so decided to write some comments on all of the drawings… Great job on all of these pictures, Deeb! [30]

Issue 39

back cover of issue #39, 1st edition Shelley Butler, "Bathing Spock," winner of a 1999 STIFfie Award -- "Be still, my heart! Kirk in a James Dean leather jacket, a slight Elvis sneer, and nothing else' A come hither look if I ever saw one- And Spock, unabashedly, gloriously physical and pensive at the same time, holding a towel, stretching a hand behind his head, looking like he's just stepped out of the shower. Both incredibly gorgeous likenesses, with the trademark Butler musculature (our boys are buffed to a shine!) and the faces, as always, are drawn with exquisite delicacy. Spock's my favorite of the two, though it's so hard to choose; in this case, I chose Spock because it's such a particularly intimate moment (those words again) for the Vulcan, and she's captured his Cupid's bow mouth to perfection. And the Kirk! I want to know what's going on below the field of vision in this picture. They're both perfect, and I have only one request to the artist: let's see full body renderings of these two poses! I mean, if you think our hearts can stand it." [31]

front cover of issue #39, Shelley Butler, "Black Leather". -- "Wow! Oh, my! Oh, my goodness! Are you beginning to get the idea I liked this illustration of Kirk clothed in nothing but his charisma and a leather jacket? It absolutely took my breath away. I don't know how Shelley did it, but I can almost feel the texture of the leather and the cold metal zipper against warm skin. (Did you notice how hot it got in here all of a sudden?) Shelley, I DEMAND parity!! Pleeease... On second thought, maybe you'd better not. The sight of Spock in a leather jacket might finally be enough to finish me off for good. That cold shower you mentioned last month is beginning to sound very good!" [32]

First Time 39 was published in July 1994 and contains 160 pages. The covers are by Shelley Butler. The interior art is by DEW and Fiona Graves.

A Soul in Chains - Malena Williams. (After the fal tor pan, Kirk attempts suicide when Spock doesnʼt remember their bonding, unaware that the breaking of the bond is the cause of his pain. "Spock!" It was a beseeching cry from a desperate man. Its strangled call echoed against the imposing monolith of Seleya. Kirk's outburst jarred him to the present. He looked about in confusion, until finally able to focus on the cold, sterile room which had held his heart captive since Fal-tor-pon. "No...." he moaned. How could this have happened?") (6)

Stranded in Shadow, poem by Robin Hood (73)

T'Impara's Story - Karla Kelly. (The transporter splits Spock into two, one female, one male when Spock, thinking himself dying, projects his thoughts of how Kirk could love him. "My first sight through shimmering particles was his face, tense, worried, eyes fixed on the space beside me. His body taut, muscles clinched, relaxed only when the transporter effect cleared. "Welcome aboard, Mister Spock." The Other beside me nodded, shields high. He, however, is irrelevant. What secrets could he have that I would want to know? I dismiss him.") (74)

Alien Love, poem by Lee Owers Sansome (79)

sample text, first page of "T'Impara's Story"

And Then Those Words, poem by Lee Owers Sansome (80)

Bright Promise - Pandora H. (TʼPau orders the healer to hold back Spockʼs memories of his 7 year affair with Kirk during the fal tor pan, which causes complications for McCoy. "She moved away knowing these two friends had a lot to catch up on. The Vulcan looked well, she thought. Better than a resurrected person had a right to. Better than the man who had rescued him. She glanced at Kirk and blinked. The expression on his face made her eyes water and her heart beat faster. It was there only for a brief second then gone, as, with a pleasant nod of recognition, Spock walked straight past to where his father stood with McCoy.") (82)

Doubt, poem by Patt (116)

Return, poem by Patt (117)

Logic on Fire - Ellen Thacher. (When Spock is captured and almost raped, he and Kirk use the newly installed holodeck to confront the problems Spock is having with unresolved emotions. "What did you say, Mister Spock?" Standing near his command chair, James Kirk turned to his first officer and smiled. "I'm not sure I heard that clearly." Kirk wasn't aware of the softening in his features that accompanied any conversation with his first officer. Subliminally he gratefully accepted the soothing of his mind and body simply being in the presence of his friend. And he was totally unaware of the effect of said features on said first officer. "I was...day-talking, Captain," the Vulcan stammered. "Ah, day-talking?" Kirk nodded, looking at his friend closely for any outward signs. There was the same correctness as usual.") (118)

The Longest Night - Kay Wells. (When Spockʼs 2 months on a research project becomes 6, Kirk volunteers for the opening when a member is injured. "Sounds like a bunch of excuses, Captain," the doctor observed, resuming the consumption of his meal. "So what's really bothering you...besides Spock's little trip to that ice ball?" "Why would that bother me? Spock's gone on scientific expeditions before." "Not for six months." "Six months is a little long," Kirk conceded His plate of food had been completely forgotten. "Especially since it was only supposed to be two.") (134)

Frantic Time, poem by Robin Hood (159) (not listed in the table of contents)

Chastisement, poem by Patt (160) (not listed in the table of contents)

inside page from issue #39, Fiona Graves

inside page from issue #39, DEW for "The Longest Night"

inside page from issue #39, Fiona Graves for "Logic on Fire"

inside page from issue #39, DEW for "A Soul in Chains" (not credited in the table of contents)

[cover art]: Those eyes, that face, that LOOK! This is wonderful, the stuff dreams are made of. Kirk in nothing but a leather jacket staring out at us (or Spock?) with a gaze that would melt neutronium into putty. Note how the shadows on the chest delineate the musculature. No one does bodies like this artist does. The detail on the jacket is exquisite from the teeth of the zipper to the sheen on the leather. One can almost hear it slide over bare flesh.... Is it getting warm in here? [33]

[art on page 15 by DEW]: A stunning illustration of Kirk and Spock in a vibrant embrace that just seems to leap off the page. If most drawings capture a unique and separate moment in time, then this has to be a motion picture. I so easily visualized what came before and ... what will come after.
Kirk is just so ... Kirk. Powerful, dynamic, passionate, and most definitely in charge. And Spock doesn't seem to mind at all. Words fail, but the drawing doesn't. I adore it! [34]

[zine]: It was truly a difficult decision on which Merry Men Press zine I chose to review. Which of the consistently fine publications do I laud my praises upon? Lest one think this is some sort of mutual admiration society, think again. It is common knowledge, by now, that Robin Hood is one of fandom's finest publishers. Her always on time, varied and excellent zines speak for themselves.

I chose First Time 39 as my example because as the artist whose work is on the cover and back cover, I feel I am most qualified (perhaps most critical is more like it) to judge the quality of the reproduction. And most concerned because that's my drawing on the cover being sold all over the world!

This one is a beauty. Robin cares how the artwork looks and good glossy paper is used and I really like the clean, strong type of binding. The interior art is paid attention to as well. The only thing that would enhance it would be to leave the back of the page blank.

Baring some of those ubiquitous typos, the typeface is simple and highly readable with more decorative type used for the poems.

The stories are varied and interesting, with always appreciated new authors (of which Robin treats caringly and is often first to publish) and accomplished ones as well. I can't remember an issue where I felt cheated or that it was a waste of money. [36]

[zine]: As usual, there is plenty of reading in this issue of the long-running series. A Soul in Chains by Malena Williams is set after The Search for Spock. Kirk is suffering from the Mah-lah, the Desolation caused by a broken bond, in such despair that he attempts suicide. Saved by McCoy, he then learns that the the Klingons are hunting the Bird of Prey, so in order to lure them awav from Vulcan he takes off alone in the ship, but is captured and subjected to the Mindsifter. Spock recovers his memory of the bond, and uses the link to seek his mate. In Tlmparas Story, by Karla Kelly, a transporter malfunction creates a female duplicate of Spock, an image from the Vulcan's subconscious that he believes his Captain could love. The story is told by the duplicate, who knows herself created to love Kirk, but who is also aware that the two must be reunited. Bright Promise, by Pandora H, also deals with the aftermath of Search for Spock. Because of the closeness he experienced hosting Spock's katra, McCoy is determined to bond with Spock. Kirk convinces Spock that T'Pau arranged for his memories of their own bonding to be erased during the fal tor pan. T'Lar returns Spock's memories, and this in turn frees McCoy from the need to love Spock. In Logic on Fire, by Ellen Thatcher, Spock uses the holodeck to exorcise painful memories, and reveal his love for Kirk. The Longest Night, by Kay Wells, has Spock off the Enterprise for six months as part of a scientific survey team. Kirk arranges to be part of the team, and the time together reveals some changes in their relationship.
This issue has a good mix of themes, and although there are some explicit scenes the stories are strong enough to be interesting in their own right. There is some rather nice artwork; I particularly liked the delicate Kirk and Spock portraits by Fiona Graves. The covers are by Shelley Butler, a waist-length nude Spock and a rather sultry Kirk wearing a leather jacket. There is also a selection of poetrv, notably Alien Love, bv Lee Owers Sansome who has recently returned to writing after a too-long absence. [37]

[art on page 15 by DEW]: Extraordinary! Absolutely fascinatingly alive. So unique! An economy of lines, but such vitality. I have stared for hours. [38]

Issue 40

front cover issue #40, 1st ed by Caren P.

back cover of issue #40, Caren P.: "Loved these representations of Kirk and Spock as statues that come to life. Unique and vary imaginative. The Kirk on the back cover was especially good; our captain's assets were perfectly portrayed. These pictures were worth the proverbial thousand words. Now all we need is someone to write them down into a story." [39]

cover of issue #40, second edition

First Time 40 was published in 1994 and contains 158 pages

A Surprising Day - Karla Kelly. (During a diplomatic dinner on a hedonistic society, Kirkʼs arousal is amplified by the recent confession of love between him and Spock. "Try not to make it too obvious, Spock." Captain Kirk leaned into his Vulcan friend to whisper his instructions. This diplomatic mission required that Spock lose the game to the current king, a man very proud of his ability to play tak cha. Barely nodding, Spock examined the tak cha ball. It was a spiked ball with two smooth places for hand grips.") (6 pages)

The Missing Piece - Kathy Stanis. (An unpleasant experience with a former lover causes Spock to hesitate as he and Kirk move closer to becoming lovers themselves, and then Spock starts receiving messages over his computer from an unknown source. "Spock was rock-steady and comforting as a pillow. Anxiety began to lift away and float out the turbolift vents and Kirk's breathing normalized, but he felt the pulsing of his own heart in his hands clutching the Vulcan's arm so desperately. He could not let go; he did not want to, not yet. His vision was filled with blue so close. The blue that always stood between him and danger. The blue that made him feel not so alone. "Jim. He lifted his eyes slowly to meet the deep, dark gaze and he felt embraced by it, enveloped, protected. And privileged, to be the captain of this particular first officer. He thought it the most fulfilling relationship anyone could ever desire. Almost.") (41 pages)

Sing the Tune - Kate Sheridan. (Kirk is surprised and a bit unsettled when his relationship with Spock is investigated by Vulcan. "Know a good shrink?" Kirk asked, slipping into the chair in front of McCoy's desk in the Sickbay office. The older man bit back a snappy reply as the serious tone of his commanding officer registered. "Maybe," he answered, simultaneously switching on the privacy signal so they wouldn't be disturbed. "Know someone who needs one?" "Maybe me," Kirk replied with a slightly nervous laugh and a refusal to look at his friend. Instead, he pretended to study the seemingly disorganized mess on the top of the CMO's desk.") (16 pages)

Teeny Weeny - Mildred Manhill. (Kirk tries to convince Spock to wear special swimwear. "It will not fit." "How do you know if you don't try it on?" "I can tell. In addition, I would not have selected that particular color." "Since when isn't black your color? Damnit, Spock, do you have to be so pig-headed?") (2 pages)

“Deepest Secrets” - Shelley Butler. (Spock’s odd behavior, and Kirk’s erotic dreams of his first officer, cause problems while the two men are on a diplomatic mission to Orion. “Beneath him, the hazel eyes glow in fear. The only sounds in the unreal quiet are the wet slapping of bodies and the grunts uttered in cadence with each violent thrust. The body beneath him writhes and twists, but each movement only incites him more. He must claim the human to quench his fire. “You...are...mine!” The voice speaks from somewhere, the words punctuating each push of his hips. Deeper. Deeper. He must go deeper. He must quench the terrible fires burning in his loins. Like a bright candle carried through the brooding darkness of his ancestral home, the flame illuminates his shameful passion. He must snuff it out. There must be no light.”) (56 pages)

Reactions and Reviews: Issue 40

[art by Shelley Butler on page 61]: Kirk and Spock before a viewscreen. Kirk, one hand on the table, his weight obviously on one hip, listening over his shoulder to Spock, behind him. Spock's face, Spock's whole being, focused intently on Kirk, as always. Such expressive qualities in the faces. Ms. Butler's virtually flawless pencil technique. Need I say more? Well, just one thing. Look at the figure of Spock for a few seconds, and you'll almost see him moving, embracing Kirk. I can see it in his eyes, like he's just about to do it. All Kirk has to do is just turn around. And he is already turning .... Shelley makes K/S come to life. [40]

[cover art by Caren P.]: Caren generates some of the most original ideas in K/S art. This pair of drawings is compelling: on the front. Kirk and Spock as statues in an intergalactic art gallery, on the back, the statues coming to life and-of course-getting off their pedestals to kiss. I find K/S "kiss" illustrations to be the most erotic of all. I don't know why; I like the more explicit ones as much as anybody. There's just something about those two kissing .... Caren does a lovely job with these drawings. Among my favorite details are the gorgeous hands on both characters, especially in the "kiss" drawing; Spock's large hand splayed along the back of Kirk's neck and the side of his face, while the Vulcan's left hand presses down on Kirk's bare thigh. I can just feel Kirk moving, pressing up against that hand. And Spock's right leg, pressing between Kirk's thighs! @#$%*&*! Er . . . must be time for a cold shower.

Okay, I'm calmer now. I do have a criticism. The artist cleverly takes off on some classic sculptures for these drawings. Spock is appropriately posed as Rodin's Thinker. But in the same drawing, she puts Kirk in the place of The Slave (was that one of Michelangelo's unfinished pieces? Sorry I'm rusty). The problem I have with this juxtaposition is that the two don't fit together. Since she chose a perfect, in-character pose for Spock, she should have done the same for Kirk. The Slave, much as we all love those sexy slave stories, is just not right for Kirk, who is no one's slave. I would have loved to see him as Michelangelo's David, so like Kirk because he stands up to a giant with only his courage and the knowledge that he's on the side of right.

As for technique, I am not an artist, so maybe I'm out of my depth, but I do love the textures she chose for both statues and flesh. Most of the work is so good that I hate to draw attention to the part that bothered me, but Spock's backside and left leg just seem ... wrong; the leg is foreshortened, the buttocks too large and rounded for Spock. This is the only technical problem with an otherwise magnificent pair of pictures, so perhaps that part of the illustration was done at a time when the artist was too tired to go back and perfect it. I have slipped up at the end of a story because of fatigue often enough to understand what that's like.

All in all, the illos are marvelous, a fitting pair of bookends for a really good issue of First Time. [41]

[Turn]: Such a special poem by one of my very favorite authors. In just two pages Ciana as told a whole story of love and unfulfilled desire, Kirk sits in his command chair and wishes for Spock to turn to him and see the love he feels.
This reminds me of Leslie Fish's classic filk, "Turn and Believe" originally written from Christine's viewpoint. Needless to say, I have long since replaced Christine with Kirk in my head whenever I hear it. Now Ciana has given me a very satisfying end to it. Thank you, Ciana. [42]