27.2.09

Joaquin Phoenix

I'm watching him (I may not have spelled his name right) on David Letterman. I have heard the press about him being nervous in interviews, but this is uncomfortable. He is super fucking nervous. He won't talk. He is unresponsive. Full beard. Hair going into dreads. Letterman is starting to get a bit perturbed. Phoenix is not exactly amusing or a good interview. He appears to be drugged, but I don't think so. It seems like he'd rather be anywhere but there. Letterman is pushing him on his retirement from acting. He does not want to talk about this. He is questioning the audience. I'm sure you can find a clip online.

I think I understand.

I don't like performing on demand, like a well-trained monkey. I don't appreciate it, and I am uncomfortable when put out in the public eye. I don't like simplistic questions. I don't like the trivial. I don't like putting on their show. I'd rather retreat. I have retreated. I've closed off because some people I thought could understand may have twisted things. I can count on one hand those who haven't. You all know who you are because I continue to have good discussions with you folks.

When the fallout of my life has finally settled, things will be different. Some will be surprised. Some won't. I don't think I care. I know what will make me happy, and while it won't be easy. It will be right. No doubt in my mind about that. None at all. There will be those who question my decisions. So be it.

I'm not here to perform on cue. I'm not here to make you comfortable. I'm here to finish a story, and that's what I'm going to do. Happy ending? Some people won't think so. Me? I know so.