"It ain't supposed to make sense; it's faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe" - A. Bunker
Antediluvian rants on Archie Bunker's favourite baseball team combined with precognitive, precision surgeries on the underbelly of Mets faith.

4.10.06

Drunk In England For Game One

(Pay attention because by the time you've gotten towards the bottom you will doubt your own reality...)

21:17 - three up three down. I think I've coined a new phrase!

21:18 - dying over these commercials - colour copies at UPS store? What's up with that?

21:23 - Delgado takes a huge turn at first, as if. Still, first and third, two outs, David Wright to the plate...

His first at-bat in post-season. Wonder if he imagines what he's doing...

21:26 no runs.

21:33 Maine working into trouble missing slider by a wide margin...loss of focus in middle innings taking effect already?

21:34 FECKING HELL! TWO outs at home plate!

21:37 oops - you can only give up so many doubles...1-0 dodgers.

21:41 - Maine escapes. I've decided the first bong hit will be saved for the first Mets run. Hopefully that will be the bottom half of the inning and will come quickly...

21:47 - Maine strikes out to end the inning and the question remains, can the Army wait for the first run before the first bong hit? Ah well, there's another blizzard of horrible commercials in between to consider it...

21:54 - 1-2-3 Dodger 3rd. I've got a feeling that bong hit is coming up in the bottom half this time...

21:57 - Maybe don't need the bong hit - Maine strikes out to start the bottom of the inning after I thought he'd struck out to end the last inning...

21:58 - Lo Duca will single, I feel it, I will it.

22:00 - fuck it - Lo Duca, called strike three. If I have to listen to another 3 minutes of mindless commercials between innings I swear, the bong will be filled!

22:01 - The Army fills glass number five of Chilean Merlot and the mindless commercials continue...

22:08 - Maine picks up 5th strike out. The Army decides that the first bong hit will come EITHER by the Mets' first run OR Maine's 6th strikeout, just to hedge the bets...

22:11 - Meat of the order coming up. I've decided to at least load the bong, just to be optimistic.

22:19 - Inning over damage done. Nice inning. Beautiful inning. Amazing what five minutes can do in one inning of post season...

22:24 - Mets bullpen warming up already. Is it that late? It's only like the third or fourth inning, isn't it? Have Delgado and Floyd rendered me high?

22:26 - And Maine gets a standing ovation as he leaves. He deserves it but feckin hell, is the time difference that big that I thought this was the 3rd or 4th inning and already the bullpen is coming in?

22:29 - Willie makes 2nd bullpen change after one batter. Will he outmanage himself?Willie he be the Bobby V of the bullpen?

22:35 - Two batters, two relievers - Willie is shooting 100%

******

22:55 - Man, Carlos Delgado is making his mark for the postseason and franly, at this moment, I am the proudest of the Mets I have been all year.

23:01 - Now you can get over that wall with Five Hour Energy available from every shit hole and pseudo vitamin shops throughout rural moral humbug america.

23:05 - Bases are loaded, Valentin hit with Mota coming to bat and so Willie is confident. Nice one, big balls. Willie did say he's got to manage backend of the game differently. Well done. Still 4-1 Mets.

23:09 - Of course, Mota better prove him right...

23:12 - Jose Valentin, ooops. But wow, even more impressive the ability of the FAN broadcasters to second guess a play neither of them have ever made in the playoffs.

23:14 - First and third for the Dodgers trying to rally the little cunts.

23:16 - Strike fecking three, the first out of the inning. 9th for Mets pitchers.

23:18 - RBI single for Furcal, 4-2.

23:22 - Garciaparra v Guillermo Mota two run double. 4-4. FAN anouncers still whingeing about Valentin's failure to go for the single out at first rather than double play a few batters previous. Idiots. No qualifications necessary to be a FAN announcer, line 'em up.

23:24 - Guillermo Mota finishes the inning damage done...who is more crazy, willie for batting him with the bases loaded instead of PHing? Valetin for going for DP instead of single out? FAN announcers for being douchebags with too much time to fill with their monkey comments?

23:28 - You cannot ASSUME the out, Mota gets charged no discount, all earned runs. And now comes in Penny - healthy enough to pitch or the Mets pinata?

23:29 - I sense this as another Grady Little brain fart.

23:30 - Reyes lead off walk, finally gets on base. Yeah Grady Little for bringing in Penny. This is the bust out, bong hit inning, I feel.

23:32 - Beltran earn your bills, make me prophetic or profane.

23:33 - Head first slide into second by Reyes between the legs of Furcal, his fellow shortstop. And shotly thereafter, Penny walks second of three batters and out comes Grady Feckin Little with his great post season history of bad decisions.

23:37 - Carlos Delgado 4 for 4 and now more RBIs. Well animated. Fastball fisted for another run, woooooo. Thank you Grady Little! 6-4 Mets

23:50 - These announcers really suck. Cohen says top of the 9th when it's really top of the 8th and just because I'm high I question my reality for a moment. And then a few seconds later, once the Mets closing out the inning, NOW it's top of the 8th. If you're the fucking radio announcer that I'm relying on to hear the fucking game HOW can you get the fucking inning wrong? Jesus christ, is that too much to ask? The radio announcer getting the fucking inning right?

23:55 - I hate to carp on it but the Mets are up by two runs and Cohen is on about 95 mph pitch by some monkey out of the dodger bullpen. What fucking difference does it make how fast he can throw the ball?

MIDNIGHT PLUS TWO - Beltran having a chance to break it wide open even though we don't need or should't need it for one inning.

MIDNIGTH PLUS THREE - Bases loaded now. The Dodgers are fecked. Two runs down and the worse hasn't even come. At least Game One proves all those sceptical cunts wrong. Delgado four for four, he must get out once else he ties Jeter and others with five hits. What a great fucking first playoff game ever for him after all these years waiting...

MIDNIGHT PLUS SEVEN - Now the Mets with Delgado's K, have left like a million runners on base over the last two innings. My guess is it doesn't matter. Bring in Wagner to close it out, 1-2-3-4-5-6- Mets win eventually!

MIDNIGHT PLUS MIDNIGHT: 9th inning herewego.

MIDNIGHT PLUS FIFTEEN = True to form, Wagner bring us to the edge and maybe over...4-3 now and Garciaparra at the plate, whoops.

MIDNIGHT PLUS METS VICTORY: Wagner SWING AND A MISS PUT IT IN THE BOOKS!

I say, almost expected. Well done.

******

I take every nasty thing back that I said about the FAN. I've just heard the most gibberish happy interview ever with cliff floyd. Happy and discombobulated mfer.