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I know today is "Father's day" but my little brothers father wasn't much of a father to him. For the most part of his life, I was the major male role in my brother's life. I just feel like I failed him. I feel like I was supposed to protect him but I couldn't. I was one of the ones to find him (along with my mother), and when I look back to that image I see the biggest failure of my life.

Don't hold yourself down for what you could not control. Don't bury yourself in regrets that are not yours. And you are not a failure, you were his brother, and you did what you could as his brother. And I'm quite certain you did a splendid job.

In the face of this event, you need to stop and think to yourself about not the negative moments, but the positive side to the relationship between the both of you. Think of all the good times you both had, think of the years he lived, and hold those high, higher than anything else. And then remind yourself that if he saw you, and could send you just one message, would he want you to fret over him, or would he want you to live your life in happiness? A life without sorrow? Would he want you to do all the things he couldn't, all the wishes he had to come true?

Though you were his older brother, you were the best father he could have ever had. And I'm sure if he were alive, he would tell you this. Cherish his memory, don't let it fade. More importantly, hold his legacy close, and let it be the torch for your future.

That's really terrible OP. If you need to take pm me. Dealing with that sort of thing sounds difficult. Reach out to people and get help if you need it. Don't blame yourself, I'm sure you were the best brother you could be. I'm sure your brother wouldn't want you to be sad for the rest of your life. There's a chip on your shoulder, but don't let it weigh you down forever.

OP, I had some close family kill themselves also and it's been 3 years but I'm going to let you know something.

It never gets better. It gets easier though, you can deal with it effortlessly in time, but that sense of abandonment never leaves you. There will come a point where you no longer have to slave over it every day but it becomes a part of you. It stays there to let you know why you are so lucky to wake up every morning and why you should appreciate and be there for every one you love. Most importantly, it teaches you to let go because not everybody that you love is going to feel that same selfless attachment.

I know you feel like you could have stopped it. To this day that's still how I feel on occasion, but trust me when i say that there is nothing that you could have done or can do now. You were such a positive figure in his life that you must know that you were no factor in his passing. Hold out.