Part Two - The Veterans Address Important Issues
Chapter One: Support From Home
Chapter Two: Homecoming
Chapter Three: Agent Orange
Chapter Four: Outlook on Life
Chapter Five: Prisoners of War/Missing in Action (P.O.W./M.I.A.)
Chapter Six: Looking Back for Lessons Learned

Part Three - Epilogue: Where the Veterans are Today

The Debate Goes On: Unresolved Questions

Appendix: Students' Questions

INTRODUCTION

"Nobody really cares. They may ask about it, but they really don't
care." That's what we often hear Vietnam veterans say about their experiences in
Vietnam. So they don't talk about it.

But one group of people who do care, we have discovered is high school
students. Given the opportunity to understand the Vietnam experience from an historical
viewpoint and to learn about the experiences of people who, like themselves, were young
and impressionable, they really want to know what it was like to have fought in Vietnam.
They want to know what it feels like to be a veteran of a war that created divisiveness,
political cynicism and a new awareness that even though there may be individual acts of
heroism, war doesn't always create popular heroes or elicit gratitude from people at home.

Over an eleven year period American History teacher Linda Calvin has
invited Vietnam veterans to her classroom at Urbandale High in Urbandale, Iowa, to answer
the hundreds of questions formulated by students. Linda's deep concern for Vietnam
veterans comes from her own experience as a college student graduating at the time the war
was drawing to a close and her concern that her students understand, not only the
historical background of the war, but the excitement and trauma of those years. As a
result of this commitment, her students spend many hours on this topic, including
preparing questions for veterans. The panel presentation, then serves as a culminating
activity. These young people have learned enough about the Vietnam Era to care and to want
to know about the personal side of the war.

As a member of the panel, Sandy Strait proposed the writing of a book
based on the many questions she and the others have answered over the years. Sandy's
presence on the panel came about because she is the wife of a Vietnam veteran. In
addition, she is the mother of a child who suffers from a birth defect as a result of her
father's contact with Agent Orange during his tour of duty.

More than 100 of the actual questions asked by students were sent to
Vietnam veterans across the country. Their responses are set forth in this book. We began
with the original panel members who have presented at Urbandale High School and included
many others as well. The reader must bear in mind that although we have tried to present
as many points of view as possible, it would not be possible for us to include responses
from more than a fraction of the two and one half million veterans who fought in America's
longest war. Therefore, we offer these responses as only a sample and recognize that not
every possible question is answered nor every possible point of view is presented. We have
presented this material as we received it and have added no viewpoints of our own. The
only changes we have made are in terms of grammar or spelling and have in no way changed
the meaning or the emotions expressed in the original responses. The opinions expressed
are those of the respondents and are not necessarily those held by the authors. Names of
veterans marked with an asterisk are pseudonyms. This was done at the request of the
veteran.

Our book begins with historical background information in the sections
entitled "A Prologue to War" and "A Chronology of the Vietnam
Conflict". The text is then divided into two main parts. Part One showcases
individual veterans. Each veteran's actual Vietnam experiences is described by the use of
questions students asked and the answers given. Part Two is written in narrative form
taken directly from the answers given by veterans about important issues which affect them
all. The reader is also given personal background and information on what the veteran is
doing now. The book ends with a section of resolutions for debate on unresolved questions
presented by the war.

Our hope is that the reader will be able to understand to some degree what
young audiences who have listened to veterans over the years have experienced, and that
some of the questions they might have asked themselves will be answered here. Perhaps this
book will serve as a kind of inspiration to other teachers who also desire to achieve both
understanding on the part of their students and an appreciation for a generation of
soldiers that history would like us to forget. It is our further hope that the many
veterans who responded to these questions will know that yes, indeed, we, and many, many
others, do care.

AL FISCHER

Like many veterans, Al Fischer felt frustration over the government's
policy toward the war in Vietnam. Over and over, as we read the answers to the questions,
the same message comes through. The veterans believe that if the government would have
backed the fighting men 100% ... given them a clear an obvious goal ... those men who
fought in Vietnam could have returned home with a very different feeling about their
country, their government, and themselves. As it is, Al, and many others like him,
describe a situation which does not correspond to the idealistic picture of men fighting
for the defense of right, honesty and human dignity by gaining victory over the forces of
evil. Veterans like Al make it very plain that they would fight for freedom and that they
are willing to die to protect those they care about, but one can sense a doubt that that
is what Vietnam was really all about.

WHY DO YOU THINK THIS WAR AFFECTED VETERANS MORE THAN OTHER WARS?

We didn't have a real goal to work toward. We fought with both hands
behind our back. Then we came back to a society with many other problems such as racial
tension, anti-establishment attitudes - a changing culture. The biggest problem of all
that affected the returning Vietnam vet was there wasn't a de-programming or de-
pressuring period. You can't take someone from combat and in less than one week put him
back into society as a civilian. Especially a society that took its frustrations out on
the Vietnam vet. This I feel has caused the greatest harm of all.

IN WHAT ASPECT OF THE AMERICAN EFFORT WERE YOU MOST PROUD?

How well we actually did perform under the most strained circumstances.

WHAT WAS YOUR WORST OR MOST FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE IN VIETNAM?....WHAT WAS
THE CLOSEST YOU GOT TO BEING KILLED AND HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

I was shot down from 5,000 ft. by 37 mm radar controlled anti-aircraft
fire in Laos 20 March, '71. It blew out the nose of the bird and my engine quit. It
knocked my co-pilot, crew chief and me out temporarily. My aircraft was shot up very badly
from small arms and I was trying to make it back to Vietnam from Laos. I was an MIA for
several hours. We were surrounded and under fire the whole time.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IN VIETNAM?

Believing I was going to make it, and to put American troops in knowing
some would be killed. Then pulling everyone out and leaving the enemy have it all back.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING TO DEAL WITH PERSONALLY IN VIETNAM?

Not understanding why we were dying. There wasn't any direction given to
us by our government.

WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT THE WAR?

How brutal it is to the human beings that are the pawns for those few
calling the shots.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE FIGHTING?

Sheer terror - knowing the next second you could die or worse be paralyzed
for life.

DID YOU EVER WANT TO BE KILLED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE IN THOSE
CONDITIONS?

At one time in Laos I was ready to die rather than become a prisoner and
be tortured.

WAS IT FRUSTRATING FIGHTING A HIDDEN ENEMY?

Extremely. We wished we could face him.

WHAT WAS CHRISTMAS LIKE THERE?

I re-supplied troops in the field with hot food. I watched one of my
friends haul body baggies on his bird. They were hit with friendly artillery on Christmas
Eve. They gave the wrong coordinates.

WERE THERE ANY DISCIPLINE PROBLEMS DURING COMBAT?

No, we always finished the missions. However, back at base we at times
took a stand not to fly with certain people.

DID YOU EVER GO AGAINST YOUR COMMANDING OFFICERS INSTRUCTIONS WHEN YOU
FELT THEY WERE NOT RIGHT?

Only once. I refused to fly a mission with him because I thought it was
suicide. Had he been going after Americans I would have gone - he was going after
Vietnamese soldiers who weren't defending themselves. That's why I was shot down to start
with. He took me to our battalion commander. They told me I would be court martialed the
next day. Major Jack Barker and the whole crew of four people died less than one hour
later. The next day I flew 16 hours. Nothing was said about a court martial.

DID YOU EVER PARTICIPATE IN ANY FRAGGING OR KNOW OF A FRAGGING INCIDENT?

I never fragged - our C.O. was threatened. The company first sergeant was
fragged, but wasn't hurt. I did hear of other people being killed, but you didn't know if
they were rumors or reality.

DID NORMAL HAPPENINGS LIKE SLEEPING OR EATING COME HARD TO YOU WHILE IN
VIETNAM?

Eventually I drank more to sleep. I lost 30 pounds by the time I came
back. It happened gradually.

DESCRIBE SOME PEOPLE THAT YOU BEST REMEMBER.

Young, full of life. Could only see the good things in life. They were
caring and brave. They would have given their lives to save another American in trouble.

JERRY STRAIT

The words, "I know just how you feel" are probably the six most
misused words in the English language. How does it feel to be in the jungle? The only
people who really know are those who have been there and their experiences are not
identical. There is no way to know how they feel about their Vietnam experience, and yet,
that is the question students most often ask. Jerry Strait spent a year as a "boonie
rat"... one of many soldiers who spent most of their time in the jungle ready for
combat at any time. How do you survive such an experience, physically or mentally? You do
so by doing your duty, numbing your emotions, and staying alive until your time is up and
you can go home. As in most wars, kids don't actively think of cause and country when they
are in combat: they think of their comrades and how to survive. But like most of the other
veterans who answered the questions students asked, Jerry felt proud to fight for his
country and would again if necessary. However, Jerry 's experience in Vietnam left his
family with a burden for a lifetime. Jerry and his wife Sandy have a daughter, Lori, born
with significant birth defects as a result of Jerry's contact with "Agent
Orange" during his tour of duty. This part of Jerry's story will be told in another
chapter. Here are Jerry's answers to the questions specifically about combat.

WHAT WERE YOUR FEELINGS WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOU HAD TO GO INTO THE WAR?

I was proud to serve and ready to go.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE IN VIETNAM?

If you can imagine a year long back-packing trip through mountains and
jungles with people and the environment trying to kill you, you would have a vague idea of
what it was like.

WHAT DID YOU FEEL LIKE BEFORE YOU WOULD FIGHT?

At first I was nervous, uncertain of what was going to happen. Later on, I
was mainly calm and made sure I was ready and my men were ready. I guess deep down we were
all terrified, but in a way that couldn't be seen or even explained.

WHAT DID YOU DO WHILE WAITING?

When we were not moving from one location to another, we ran patrols from
around the area we were set up in. If not paroling we would clean weapons, write letters,
talk, or eat meals, also sleep if possible. No matter what you were doing, you were always
on guard.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE DIE IN FRONT OF YOU?

In the beginning shock, anger, sadness. After a while, nothing. You hoped
you wouldn't be the next and did what you could to keep it from happening to anyone. You
also didn't make many friends so you didn't have to feel a loss.

WHAT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY LIKE THERE AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?

My long awaited twenty-first birthday was spent on patrol in mostly
waist-deep water. Before dark we found a hut an built a fire to dry off. As I remember, no
one but me knew it was my birthday.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS LIKE THERE?

Christmas, 1969, started out with seven wounded and one dead on Christmas
Eve. On Christmas Day, my rifle and jacket were riddled with bullets, as an N.V. soldier
fired 30 rounds at me from an AK-47. Somehow, it only left a blister on my arm and a few
fragments in my face. After making an assault on a hill, we spent the afternoon digging up
graves looking for hidden equipment. After that we moved back to our position and ate
dinner of cold turkey and gravy that had been dropped in by helicopter. On the 24th and
25th I should have been killed.

WHAT KEPT YOU GOING WHEN YOU WERE FIGHTING SO FAR AWAY FROM HOME?

Since dying was the most real alternative, that was the biggest incentive.
To go home was the goal. Survival instincts kept you going.

DID YOU EVER SEE ANY BOOBY TRAPS?

We found many booby traps of various types, sometimes they were only found
after someone set them off. For our part, booby traps were set mainly for ambushes and not
left permanently. However, in the mountains, we would sometimes set traps in our resupply
garbage.

WAS IT HARD BEING AWAY FROM HOME A LONG TIME?

Yes, after a while it seemed like it (home) hadn't existed, and the war
and jungle were the only things that did.

DID YOU EVER WANT TO BE KILLED BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO LIVE IN THOSE
CONDITIONS?

Not actually, however, toward the end of my tour I reached a point where I
didn't care anymore, and took chances that I shouldn't have. It seemed that living and
dying were the same and nothing else existed. My company commander recognized this and
sent me on a leave and then put me on a fire support base for my last 30 days.

ARE THE WAR MOVIES AND SHOWS LIKE M*A*S*H ANYTHING LIKE IT WAS IN VIETNAM?
WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE MOVIES Platoon AND Hamburger Hill?

I think the movie Platoon took all the bad things that anyone heard of and
put them into one movie to make people think that that's the way it was. Hamburger Hill
was more realistic, however filled with movie dramatics.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING TO DEAL WITH PERSONALLY IN VIETNAM?

Day to day living. We lived in the mountains and jungle areas just the
same as the enemy, continuously moving and carrying everything we owned on our backs. You
lived in the heat, rain, and mud, right along with the animals.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IN VIETNAM

Live

WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT THE WAR?

Losing so many lives and having nothing to show for it.

WERE YOU PROUD TO FIGHT FOR VIETNAM?

Yes, then and now.

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOST ABOUT THE WAR?

The pain of surviving it.

ELLEN LALLY

War evokes images of death, violence, brutality and ugliness. Its hard
sometimes to even think of war in any other way. We can conceive of heroism, but even
then, we think of that heroism in terms of fighting; with weapons, with violence; to save
the life of another fighting man. Caring, concern, love, those aren't words we often
associate with war. Yet, the Vietnam War has that side to it too. To listen to the words
of Ellen Lally, after all these years, you hear, loud and clear, the compassion she had
for those who were in her charge. Her nursing experience in Vietnam has had a deep and
lasting impression on her. Contained within her words you can almost feel the hurt, the
love, and most of all, the lasting concern she feels for the people she knew in Vietnam.
It is very apparent that the year in Vietnam Ellen spent those many years ago is an ever
present memory that continues to affect her life today.

Reading her answers to the questions asked, one is impressed by her
dedication to people and her concern for their suffering. Equally, one is impressed by how
this experience is so much a part of her now.

WHAT WAS YOUR REASON FOR GOING TO VIETNAM?

My mission was to care for the wounded and dying men. I feel very
fortunate to have had the experience. I didn't have to kill anyone. As nurses we had a
dedicated, compassionate, caring reason for serving our country.

HOW DID YOU REACT WHEN YOU FOUND OUT YOU WERE GOING TO VIETNAM?

I was afraid that I wasn't prepared as a nurse to handle the job of caring
for severely wounded men. I was just out of nurses' training and had very little
experience. I was worried about my parents and their reaction. I was scared to be so far
away from people who loved me.

WHAT DID YOU RELY ON THE MOST TO KEEP SANE DURING THE WAR?

There were several things I relied on to keep me sane. One of the most
important was the bond between the other nurses, doctors, medics and patients. We were all
there for each other -friendship and love for each other. I relied on my letters from home
that kept me in touch with the world and reality. My family was very supportive. Last, but
not least, was a sense of humor that was vital in order to keep sane in an insane place.

WHAT WAS YOUR CHRISTMAS LIKE THERE?

Christmas was very lonely. I came from a large family - seven children -
and we always were all together at Christmas. My family sent me Christmas presents and I
opened them all alone and tearfully. I just wanted it to pass quickly. We did manage to
try to decorate our ward for the patients to brighten their holiday, but I didn't feel
much like celebrating - I wanted to be home.

WHAT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY LIKE AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?

I turned 21 years old in 'Nam. The medics baked me a cake and that really
touch me. We had a little party and they gave me humorous gifts that they had made. I was
truly touched.

WHAT WAS YOUR WORST OR MOST FRIGHTENING EXPERIENCE IN VIETNAM?

For me the brutality of thee war was the worst. Seeing all the men blown
apart, their wounds and the dying. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to handle the work load
and stress. I wanted desperately to take care of each of them with love and compassion. I
gave a lot but I got much more in return.

WAS IT HARD BEING AWAY FROM HOME A LONG TIME?

Yes, it was very difficult. I had never been far away from home. I missed
my family each and every day. But I didn't complain because we were all in the same boat;
lonely and far away from our friends and family. The year passed very slowly at times.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO HAVE SOMEONE DIE IN FRONT OF YOU?

I saw many patients die and it was a very emotional time for me. I was 20
years old and it made me grow up fast. I felt the loss deeply and it broke my heart over
and over. But I was glad I was there for many to ease their pain and comfort them so they
wouldn't feel so alone.

WERE YOU SCARED?

I wasn't scared I would die. I was afraid I couldn't be enough to my
patients.

DID NORMAL HAPPENINGS LIKE SLEEPING OR EATING COME HARD TO YOU WHILE IN
VIETNAM?

I never remember sleeping very well. We worked twelve hour shifts. I
couldn't sleep during the day or night because of the heat and because I could hear the
medivac choppers coming in and I would anticipate what kind of day or night I would have.
Instead of counting sheep, I counted helicopters.

WHAT WAS THE HARDEST THING FOR YOU TO DO IN VIETNAM?

Taking care of the wounded and dying.

WHAT DO YOU HATE MOST ABOUT THE WAR?

The destruction, brutality and killing of so many people. I hate for the
men and women who were injured who served to have to live with so many physical and
emotional disabilities.

WHAT IS THE BEST THING YOU REMEMBER WHILE BEING STATIONED IN VIETNAM?

The closeness I felt to all the people I cared for and worked with. I felt
so needed as a nurse and I gave of myself as a nurse that I could never give again. I have
been a nurse for twenty years and my 'Nam experience has touched me deeply. I am proud to
have taken care of the bravest men I know: the Vietnam Veteran.

WHAT WAS YOUR OPINION ON THE WAR AT THE TIME YOU WERE THERE?

It was difficult to feel it was right when so many young men, women, and
children were dying. I hated that part of the war.

WHAT DO YOU REMEMBER THE MOST ABOUT THE WAR?

I remember most my patients and the people I worked with. I miss that
special feeling we had for each other. I wish I could see some of them again.

HOW WAS YOUR HOME LIFE AFTER THE WAR? WAS YOUR FAMILY ANY DIFFERENT AROUND
YOU?

My family was not prepared for how I had changed. I was more grown up.
They didn't really and can never understand my feelings about my experiences. They wanted
and still want me to forget it. Having been through that experience - you can never forget
it. It is a part of who you are.

HAVE YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH ANY OF THE PEOPLE YOU WERE STATIONED WITH?

No, and I miss them. I wish I could see them and talk about the war and
how they are doing.

ARE THE WAR MOVIES AND SHOWS LIKE "M*A*S*H" ANYTHING LIKE IT WAS
IN VIETNAM?

Many things in the war movies and shows like "M*A*S*H" were
similar to Vietnam: The closeness we all felt for each other, the sense of humor, the
feelings of not being able to stop the awful war, and the wounding of young men.

DO YOU LOOK BACK AT THE WAR AND REMEMBER ONE INCIDENT THAT YOU WISH YOU
COULD HAVE DONE DIFFERENTLY?

I wish I could have given more of myself to my patients. We were so busy
meeting physical needs and at times were not there for them emotionally. I regret that.