Monday, January 24, 2011

The Sign

Sahil and I had been blog friends since a long time and four months back since that day, he had taken it to another level. We had got to know each other pretty well, and he had made it clear that he liked me, in a non-platonic way that is. I had never met him though, since we lived in different cities. I liked him too but I wanted to get to know him in flesh and blood first. He'd always say he was head over heels in love with me and I'd always wonder how someone could love so deeply in so less time! Not one to rush into such affairs so soon, I told him I take a lot of time getting to know someone and he seemed to be in absolutely no hurry. The first month was wonderful, with him sending me lovely songs to listen to, and giving me as much attention as no other! It's a wonderful feeling to be loved, and as I enjoyed it, I was slowly trying to build trust.

I really don't know what went wrong but in the month after that, it seemed like all that love had gone on vacation. I say 'vacation' because it returned a couple of weeks later in full zest. I was told that he had been busy with a lot of other activities and that he was still very serious about what he had proposed. After something like this, who would believe that he really meant it? I told him that it'd take even longer to build my trust in him after this and that it was really difficult to buy his explanation though I was trying hard to. We weren't talking as much as we used to anymore and I used to wonder why.

In the month after that, I finally met him in person along with some other people he knew. After a round of introduction, we went out together and I knew I felt the same for him like I did in the 'virtual' world. I heard him say he loves me when we hugged each other 'goodbyes' after the meet. I felt a strange kind of happiness surge through me that lasted till the next morning but something still told me to wait. I still wouldn't express what I felt for him. He went back to his city, and I got busy building castles in the air thinking of how we'd look like together! My exams were just a month away and I forced myself to concentrate on my books and put those thoughts aside for sometime. Meanwhile, Karthik, one of the people he had introduced me to, and I had begun talking and we seemed to get along pretty well.

I had known Sahil for a whole four months then, and he had been on my mind that whole week. My university exams had begun, and by that time, I had decided I'd give this thing a shot once all my papers were done. Oddly, though he met all that I would want in a partner, something stopped me from going ahead. I thought I was just fearing getting hurt after all that I had gone through with my first love. I quickly made a silent prayer saying that if at all he isn't the right one for me, I want a sign- any sign and it'd be so much better if I got it today itself! That said, I left for my paper in the afternoon.

As usual, there were students shuffling papers to revise whatever they could in the little time that was left for the bell to ring. I was one of them. My cellphone beeped in the middle of all that last-minute revision. It was a text message from an unknown number that said, "I might not tell you I love you but deep down, I still do!" I couldn't help thinking it was Sahil and decided to call him right after my paper that day. As soon as my exam for that day was over, I called on that number and no one would answer. I called him on his own number and he wouldn't answer there too. I thought he was probably busy. Half my mind was wondering why he didn't text me from his own number. I put all that away for a while and went online. Karthik was online too and we got chatting. I typed the number I had got the message from, and asked him to confirm whether it was from Sahil's city. He said it was from there indeed but he couldn't see why Sahil would send me such a text when he was already in a relationship with someone for three months! I couldn't help but confront Sahil immediately and he admitted to being interested in someone but not being sure if she was the right one. The little 'vacation' that his 'love' took was three months back too.

I didn't know what to do. Three months back also meant that he was thinking of her while he said he was in love with me! I didn't even know whether to blame him, not having expressed any of what I felt for him in those few months. Clearly, he had lied but blaming him wasn't going to change anything.

I was disheartened and was going over the series of events in bed that night. Just then, I remembered something. The sign! The message had saved me from making a mistake. I was so glad at having listened to my voice and having got an assurance that I had been right all along in not rushing into something that my heart didn't completely agree with. That sign was just what I wanted and I got it just when I had asked for it. It was a miracle indeed. After a long time I slept well that night, disappointed, but feeling a sudden sense of strength from within.

1,118 comments:

nice narration ,a similar thing has happened to me too , the sign..God does show us the right path many a times in different way. U surely were saved from committing a mistake and u took it in a positive manner was even better. i m sure God loves u...tk cre :)

Really nice narration. Left me curious though. Did you ever find out who sent that text? Also, was Sahil in a relationship as his friend described, or was he merely interested in this other girl as he said? If it is the former, then yeah, he was lying to you and doesn't deserve any further consideration. But if it was mere interest, I don't know if I would call it cheating. How deeply emotionally invested was he in this other girl? For all you know, she might have just been a friend he liked to talk to, while his true 'like' was you, while he was waiting for you to convey your feelings to him. Just things to consider, since relationships are really complicated. But so long as you are happy with the way things stand now, nothing else matters. :-)Nice blog. Was linked to it via Facebook. Will check out some of your other posts. :-)

Well, Sahil was already in a relationship with the girl- he had just not made it official then. As for the text, it was from a long lost friend who used to harmlessly flirt with me on Orkut. :)

Relationships are indeed complicated. I still haven't figured out whether to blame him for being in a relationship with her- he might have decided to give that a shot because i was taking too long. You really can't figure out what a person thinks like sometimes. Anyway, the point is I am happy now :)

Thanks for your response. Well, then it seems to me that Sahil (I hope you are not using real names) was not worth your consideration, not because he was in a relationship with this other girl, but because after telling you how much he pined for you, he could have at least been honest enough to tell you that he had found someone else and had moved on since you never got back to him about how you felt. Either way, since you are happy with the way things stand now, that's what matters. Thanks for the welcome by the way!

@AceHmm yes he was really not worth my consideration. Even after a few months when I asked him why it was kept hidden he said he thought it was no big deal and I don't have to be stuck on it for so long.

bloody hell, girl! where have you been all this time...? you've got a gift for the written word, AB... and you use it well! loved the way your narrative flows without any hiccups whatsoever... wery vell-ritten (yeah, i know, my spelling's not all that good!) ;-) stay with it! looking forward to reading a lot more from you... :-)also gotta admit, i admire your honesty, AB... way to go, girl... i havent got the courage to bare my soul with such candour... which is why, i can't "blog"... :-)btw, did u find out who that lifesaver SMS was from... (i wonder if SMS, in this case, stands for "Saved My Soul"..!) ;-) keep smiling... keep shining... :-)

Is this who I think it is? The person who took blogging tips from me? :S I'm guessing it's you. You don't have to reveal yourself if you don't want to though.

Thank you so much.. you made my day! :) You're welcome here, I hope you enjoy the other posts from me too! :)

And hey, anyone can blog. Why don't you start and see that for yourself?

Yes I did find out who that person was. It was just a friend from Orkut who I had not spoken to for years. He used to flirt with me casually a lot when we were in touch, hence the message. The timing was perfect enough to save me though :)

You too keep smiling and I hope you keep visiting and start blogging too. All the best!

yes, it is, AB... and no, i wasn't actually taking blogging tips (one does that when one intends to follow suit, right? like i said, i don't)... i was just attempting to understand it... :-) c ya... if not in the e-world, then at some cutting-chai ki tapri! keep smiling... have fun... :-)

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