Thursday, October 2, 2014

I feel more lost now than ever beforeLost in the hurricane galeSome days, I just lay on the floorParalyzed by this grief and sadnessIt come in waves, every seventh waveMakes me lose controlSome days, I can’t find any words anymoreCan’t stumble now, I know, I know, I. Know.Talking to you, everyplace I goI know, you would never leave us aloneEvery time you left, you always returned to atoneDid you die thinking death was a dream?Did you die without any pain?Knowing you were surrounded by love?Did you know we knew your genius?Did you know you were our hero?Did you know that you were our heart?Death dragged you away from our embraceDeath keeps you from answering my desperate callsI want to time travel, to meet you in the simple timesI want to smoke with you and laugh away the daysI want to swim in the ocean, our bodies skimming in the wavesI can’t be mad at your body, because it was so beautifulI can’t be mad at your diet, you treated your body like a templeThe universe is, and your life was part of the universeEverything is everything, I see you in everythingI will find my voice, my love for you, and I will singGrief, is an insult to the power of the emotionNobody took you home, you were fucking stolenMy heart is swollen and broken, but I’m not hopelessI was raised to float, to fight, to never meshWithout you, I will always feel like something is missingYou join the ancestors, the vestige of our existencesI cry every morning, to honor your lifeI got comfortable, standing on the knifeI didn’t feel the danger, the impending doomThe time was stagnant, and we lost our grooveI loved you more than I love myselfI lived for your happiness, for your healthSpent our time on the paper chaseSpent our time regretting our wasteYears filled with toil, my brain boils in my skullEveryone telling me, how good I’m doingEach day, I feel more of myself losingI’m sinking lower, I feel colderI’ll never be the same man, I was beforeI am glad you are free, from the debts and the stressThere is no afterlife, no heaven or hell for meI wish I could believe in the fairy tales they tell meMama held your hand to make it warm that dayPoppa couldn’t stand, we wailed for you NatchieI feel you inside of me and I will protect youI wish I could of helped strengthen your heartI see your face smiling every night in the darkI see all the telltale history of your body’s betrayalOver my shoulder, I see the hints of your body’s one flawI see the beauty of life and the reality of death, in your life and taleYour son is everything you wanted him to beHe is your gift to the world, and its clear to meHe listened to everything you said; I can see it in his eyesHe is funny, kind, and righteous, like you were Natchez