This Is What I Wanna Do For The Rest Of My Life

Thanks to my mom for taking care of me during the weekend when I got sick. I feel very well now, actually since last Tuesday pa. Thanks to God for answering my prayers. I thought I won’t make it to the workshop last Tuesday.

Yes! I was able to make it to Trumpets last Tuesday safe and sound. We started learning some songs from our musical. Teacher Jaime told us that by our next meeting, we should already have the cast for the musical but we haven’t done any auditions yet. I was wondering what was going to happen. So we started learning the opening number (but I’m having a hard time because I still got colds) and everyone’s just loving it. I was shocked when Teacher Jaime told us that he wants to hear each of us sing. So I was like “oh my gosh… patay…” It seems like my heart wants to leap out of my chest after hearing him say that. I was so scared at that moment. Though I know some of the songs, I’m still not confident enough. Kagagaling ko lang kasi sa sakit and my voice is not in it’s normal state. So yun… Wala na ‘kong nagawa. I just asked God to help and guide me.

He asked the guys one by one to sing “Eyes That Never Lie” with two guys singing at each round. The first part of the song is easier to sing than the second part. I was begging to the Lord to give me the first part. But no… Teacher Jaime gave me the second part. So I was singing like crazy. I’m having a hard time relaxing while singing and my body is trembling to the max. I did have a lot of flats and off keys. And the worst thing is that, I wasn’t able to sing the last line properly because my voice cracked. Ayun… Teacher Jaime kinda gave me a disgruntled look after my lousy performance (you might even not call it a performance after all if you hear it). As in sobrang napahiya talaga ako. Haaay nako… I really want to “evaporate” at that very moment. My classmates gave a round of applause but it seems like they don’t want to clap talaga. They just clapped just for the sake of clapping. You know… Haaayyy… Kainis talaga… Waaaahhhh… But the show must go on. We continue learning some songs. So it became like our auditions na. Though I really performed badly, it didn’t stop me from singing my heart out. There are times that Teacher Jaime asks for volunteers to sing some songs. I say to myself: bahala na, mapahiya na kung mapapahiya. Basta I want to sing and give what I can give. So I tried to volunteer and found out that I can sing properly naman without the kaba. And believe it or not, I enjoyed doing it. So I volunteered for the second time and my performance became better. Parang nawala talaga yung kaba ko after realizing that I can sing properly. Grabe… It took a lot of guts on my part.

It was a great feeling telling them through singing that you can also do what they can. I got intimidated kasi after hearing each of them sing. Pero God was so good! I know that I won’t be able get the role that I want anymore but I learned something. Singing also means letting go. Letting go of your fears, letting go of your worries, letting go of your insecurities, letting go of your feelings, letting go of your anxieties. You really won’t be able to sing if you have these things in your heart. Singing is a way of telling people that this is who I am, this is what I want. I don’t care whatever you will say but all I know is that I enjoy doing this.I simply enjoy singing!!! So Gian!!! Enough of your desire to be like the next ‘Audie Gemora’ or ‘Robert Seña.’ You can be just you. A person with a simple dream of singing for the Lord, ’til eternity.