Thursday, July 15, 2010

Harrison's Freaks

I don’t recall the exact moment when everyone in the callroom turned into Harrison’s Freaks, for all I know they might have been that way all this time. In any case recently everyone has been hurling questions and infos and reverse infos and double-reverse negative questions from the much lauded Harrison’s. Harrison’s Freaks, all of them, but I don’t necessarily mean freak in a bad way, I mean that in an endearing way, like come here, you freak, let’s fuck. Yeah, like that. For a moment it has rubbed on me, not the intense studying habits, mind you, but the over-all mindset. “Di ba, according to Harrison’s, DRE does not cause elevation of…” I once said during our gen med rounds, but I stopped myself on time, hyperventilated upon the realization of being an HF, and spontaneously combusted, after which my two residents and interns clapped in glee as they stepped on my ashes. “He’s dead!!!!” JM clapped. “He’s dead!!!!”

I think. At one point the Harrison’s Freakazoidness has reached MK level—that’s Maximum Karindihan level to you, the level of no return, the high-pitchiness level of which could summon deaf alien mutant bat-dog hybrids from Venus—that Mrs. Therese almost unclothed her giant fish (she has a patient who would always give her 8-kg fish) and threw the damn thing on the bed, screaming “Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaks!”.

“What is the Rome criteria as updated in 2006?” “Pegylated interferon is superior to lamivudine in what regard?” “Enumerate all the classes of lupus nephritis and tell me ALL their histopathologic features!!! And their treatment!!!!” Lightning, thunder, muzak.

Pyro has even transcended regular Harrison’s Freakazoidness and became telepathic. “Hey Pyro,” I asked, “what is the most common…” “Fatigue,” he correctly said.

Since then my questions would go like this: “Hey Tits, what are the two types of?” “Hey HIV, what is the percentage of?” “Hey Tessieloopagooparoopiepoop, azathioprine is, because, and yet?” “Hey Pyro, how many?” “Hey Djana, flea?” To the last one Djana astutely replied, “Flea-bitten, or flea-like?” My batchmates are freaks. In a come-over-here-and-let’s-have-sex-using-leather-implements sense.