Cuz Nerdy Girls Drink Too (NSFW)

We’ve all been there. It’s zero dark thirty in the morning, the faint glow of the moon coming through the window is blurry and unusually bright. You can sit, you can crawl, but the ability to walk from one place to another has become too much to handle. Oh yes, you’re shit faced, and while you may feel like death in the morning or whatever time you finally wake up, right now the only pain you’re feeling is hunger pain. Being drunk is pretty much the only time that you are given carte blanche to eat whatever the hell strikes your inebriated fancy. But what to cook? Here to help us in our time of need is the Drunken Chef. Not only are his recipes easy to follow for those with diminished motor skills, but they are tasty as well.

I was introduced to il maestro through a friend and immediately recognized his genius. His name is Jose, pronounced Hose (get it right people!) and he is revolutionizing the drunken cookery industry through a series of webisodes. So far there are only nine episodes, but I have personally tested out 3 recipes while drunk as fuck, and let me tell you this man has mad skillz in the kitchen. That’s right, skillz with a “z”. Jose isn’t limited to one style of cooking. The man doesn’t box himself in like that. One week it’s Mexican, the next Indian, and I love variety particularly when I’m 2/3 of my way into a bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to sit down and have a chat with the legend himself. After the second bottle of tequila the interview was fairly unintelligible, but this is what I was able to make out.

F=Flonz

DC=Drunken Chef

F: How did the web series come about?

DC: I used to make frozen pizzas after bar time, then pass out while they were cooking. When I was able to stay awake, you know, if I didn’t have money, I’d have to make whatever was in the fridge. And I’m not into filling my stomach with any crap just to get full — I’m not Vegan, for Goddsakes — so had to experiment and make due. So, after I lost my job at the Sizzler and my girlfriend kicked me out of the house, I thought I’d make the show. It’s my passion, and it’s what I want to pass on to the common folk.

F: How much of the series is scripted and how much is improved? How much of your performance is acting and how much is actual drunkenness?

DC: That’s a secret. I’ll tell you this…there is alcohol on these shoots. There’s gotta be! We’re all about keeping it real. I eat what I make. Every recipe is tested and proven by myself.

F: What is your favorite episode and why?

DC: The Freedom Pizza episode, because that’s where it all started.

F: How many people are involved in the production and how much does it cost to produce each episode?

DC: I have a buddy who does camera, when I can get him away from his wife, which isn’t too hard because he’s bored in that relationship anyway, and a sound person, usually my “producer” who lives next to my old place (where my bitch ex-girlfriend lives with my cat — MY cat, Mr. Mistoffolees — and who I sleep with once in a while to piss off my ex). Either her or this burly African American friend when his car isn’t in the shop, which it always seems to be. And my 8 year old niece does the website.

F: Where did you receive your culinary training?

DC: Chuck’s in Fontana, Wisconsin, and L.A. Community College.

F: What is next for the drunken chef? Ultimately, what would you like to see happen with the series?

DC: I want to have it out with Anthony Bourdain and I want to make food for Rachel Ray.

F: Will there ever be an episode where the drunken chef goes to a sit down pizza hut?

DC: Why, you wanna go? Sounds like you’re asking me on a date. I’m down. I’ll scrounge up some quarters for the tabletop pac-man game.

F: What is the most difficult part of the entire production process and how long does it take to make one episode from coming up with a story to completion?

DC: The most difficult part? Dealing with all these normal-lites who are asleep at 3am when I come back and cook. We usually decide on what I’m gonna cook, then go from there. Or we visit fans or whatnot and see what they got in their kitchen. We shoot an episode in a few hours, then my “producer” cuts it in a couple of days.