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A group of college kids are stalked in a house by the curse of a woman who was... *gasp*... BURIED ALIVE.

IS IT A GOOD MOVIE?

When it comes to straight-to-DVD horror, the difference in quality from one film to the next can vary greatly. Usually, it's not hard to predict whether or not they're going to suck (since, unfortunately, they almost always do), but it is hard to tell whether you're going to get something that has decent production values or something that looks like a failed film school project. BURIED ALIVE is the former, yet still manages to carry all the characteristics of the latter.

The gore/effects look good and the technical aspects of the production are fine, but the script, direction, and acting are all horrendous. More than that, the film is f*cking boring. Other than a couple of cool kills, the pacing never advances beyond sluggish until the final ten minutes. Most of the time is spent having the characters pull random sorority stunts, utter moronic mumbo jumbo about a Native American curse, pay almost no attention to the fact that they've all been seeing an undead axe-wielding psycho-chick, and act like obnoxious walking clichés.

Specifically, there's a laughably one-note geek character that wears glasses, has a bowl haircut, sneezes a lot, and always carries around his laptop. Shit like this tends to make the movie seem more like a parody than a genuine horror film.

The picture also screws the audience over in the nudity department, incessantly delivering porno-like setups, but only featuring one of the girl's jubblies in two different scenes. I'm already bored out of my mind watching your bullshit excuse for a horror flick, and now your going to tease me with promises of T&A and barely any delivery? What the f*ck is that?

NOTE: To those interested in Tobin Bell's involvement in the film, he has a minor but amusing role as a gold-toothed loner who likes to refer to himself in the third person. (And if you're wondering who the hell Tobin Bell is, he plays Jigsaw in the SAW movies.)

THE EXTRAS

Nothing, gracefully.

FINAL DIAGNOSIS

Not quite crappy enough to be so bad it's good, and not quite satisfactory enough in its delivery of gore and nudity to be worth a rental, BURIED ALIVE is one straight-to-DVD horror flick that should stay [insert pun relating to film's title here].