Competition is a barbaric, insensitive ritual that reeks of social Darwinism. We cannot allow the fittest to survive on our pages. Your loss is someone else's gain, and your gain is someone else's loss. Therefore, losers contribute to the society and winners take away from it. Being a winner is unethical, while a society of losers is happy and striving as a collective. In the spirit of diversity, inclusiveness, and collectivism our contests shall have no winners. Everyone is declared a loser, which in our book means an ethical team player.

Faux pas, extraordinaire!!! Someone please photoshop that owl t-shirt out of the picture. Sanitize it. Replace it with a tree, or something. The owl is a symbol of death. What is the message here, comrades: Pardon = Death?

This is bad PR, really bad PR! PETA will not be happy. We can have our show-trials after the re-election. But now, why be so obvious?

Faux pas, extraordinaire!!! Someone please photoshop that owl t-shirt out of the picture. Sanitize it. Replace it with a tree, or something. The owl is a symbol of death. What is the message here, comrades: Pardon = Death?

This is bad PR, really bad PR! PETA will not be happy. We can have our show-trials after the re-election. But now, why be so obvious?

Dr. P, owls are very important public service employees who, not coincidentally, perform a very important public service. They tell us to give a hoot and not pollute.

In other words, they raise awareness of the need for us to care—just like I do. Yet would you have MY image photoshopped off a t-shirt, simply because I’m the symbol of a shovel whacked upside your head?

Owls have been telling us for many years now to give a hoot and not pollute. Years, Dr. P! That makes them sacred. That makes them a national treasure. That makes them something which the Government, having given it to us, can never, ever take away from us. Not without a lot of hooting and screeching while perching in treetops.

Without the owls to tell us we should give a hoot and not pollute, our air and water would be a lot dirtier than the Republicans would like. Not only do the Republicans want to cut funding for the owls, but they even want to chop down the trees where they live. Republicans want to see the owls jobless as well as homeless. In fact, they’d like to see the owls die quickly. Dr. P, if any creature is a symbol of death, it’s a Republican!

But if that’s not enough, Republicans also want to ban owls from fraternizing with pussycats, and even cut funding for their beautiful pea-green boats, without which the owls cannot go to sea with the pussycats.

When you see an Obama daughter wearing an owl t-shirt, you know she gives a hoot. She gives a hoot about the planet, and clean air and water. She gives a hoot about the owl’s habitat. She also gives a hoot about the owl’s right to go to sea with the pussycat in a beautiful pea-green boat.

She gives a hoot. I give a hoot. We all give a hoot. Why don’t YOU give a hoot, Dr. P?

Congratulations, Comrade Red_Leader. Your contribution caused the muscles around my mouth to twitch in such a way as to force the ends of my lips upward in a rare display of amusement, thereby making you the latest recipient of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

And for your mother:

Additionally, as a newly minted BOTW recipient, you get to participate in our new "Beet of the Week Gives Back" Program! BOTW Gives Back is a unique opportunity for BOTW alumni to give back to the community via the transfer of funds from your bank account to my foundation, Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie, or CRAP. CRAP takes action to help people learn how to care and contribute to the betterment of their communities by educating them to identify and raise awareness of the important issues affecting those communities and to discuss ways to address those issues through promoting and advocating social and economic justice.

CRAP is a shovel-ready project funded by Obama's Stimulus--and now comrades like you!*

Why don’t YOU give a hoot, Dr. P? Dearest Commissarka, Of course, I give a hoot! So much so, that I believe two hoots are better than one. That's why I try to eat lunch, at least once a week, at HOOTERS. ~Dr. P

Well, crud. Gulag 4 Alfred, I am ever so touched by your tribute to my Pink Commissarkness* that I wish I could give you, too, Beet of the Week, but policy prohibits me from awarding it more than once in a thread so as not to detract too much from the main topic.

However, you don't have to make Beet of the Week to Give Back to my CRAP. Rest assured the funds are being exchanged from your bank account for CRAP even as I sit here typing!

Congratulations, Comrade Red_Leader. Your contribution caused the muscles around my mouth to twitch in such a way as to force the ends of my lips upward in a rare display of amusement, thereby making you the latest recipient of Pinkie's prestigious Beet of the Week Award!

And for your mother:

Additionally, as a newly minted BOTW recipient, you get to participate in our new "Beet of the Week Gives Back" Program! BOTW Gives Back is a unique opportunity for BOTW alumni to give back to the community via the transfer of funds from your bank account to my foundation, Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie, or CRAP. CRAP takes action to help people learn how to care and contribute to the betterment of their communities by educating them to identify and raise awareness of the important issues affecting those communities and to discuss ways to address those issues through promoting and advocating social and economic justice.

CRAP is a shovel-ready project funded by Obama's Stimulus--and now comrades like you!*

*Contributions are not tax deductible.

Wow, I'm blushing. Thank you very much Pinkie! I am humbled and honored. :D

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand