Tuesday, September 7, 2010

OMG, I’m a fraud. I don’t belong here. Nine Naughty Novelists readers are going to out me and see me for the fake I am. Seriously, just look around at the women who anchor things here and what do you see? Hip, modern, with it, quick-witted, sophisticated, everything I ain’t

At least I ain’t nuttin like them other writers in person. Hopefully it’s a different story when I hide behind my writing. To clarify, I’m an old broad (no, I’m not giving that away) who lives a dismally boring and deeply satisfying life in a town that sports a single stop light. Much of my days (when I’m not wearing my mom, grandma, and wife hats) are spent up in my office staring at a dusty and lip balm smeared monitor waiting for inspiration to quit hiding in that dog-hairy corner at the other end of the room. No shoes on, hair probably still tangled from this morning’s dog walk, makeup still in the bathroom, the same shorts I had on yesterday. At least I’m wearing a bra today because I took my 91 year old mother out to lunch.

My neighbors know I write, but they don’t know what comes out of my fingers and because I don’t want to be run out of the neighborhood on a rail, I’m not going to whisper a word about the alter-ego who pounds out hot stories about the kind of sex I wish---

Oops, forget I said that.Life is what it is. Happily, fiction is whatever I want it to be. At the moment I’m coming to the end of an erotica book I owe Aphrodisia. Yesterday I left Matt and Cat naked in her bedroom with a mysterious wolf spirit waiting outside to tell Matt something that will tear his world apart. But before Ghost Wolf can deliver his message, my characters will turn their sexual relationship on its ears. Hopefully it’ll be a hell of a ride—if I can pull it off.

Their story won’t come out for at least a year so while I’m here I might as well tell you about a few things that have recently seen the light of day and hopefully prove my imagination makes up for the above-mentioned pedestrian existence.

First up is Falcon’s Captive, a print Aphrodisia book with the coolest cover Kensington has ever designed for me. As a lover and researcher of all things Native American, I drew from NA spiritual beliefs in crafting a tale about a woman who shape shifts as a falcon and the warrior who captures her. Here’s a not too well kept secret. I love writing and reading capture/hostage stories.

Just on the stands is Aphrodisia’s Sexy Beast 9, the first in the sexy beast anthology series not to have a Kate Douglas story in it. I was given lead billing, gulp. Back when Crystal Jordan, Lisa Renee Jones and I were kicking around the idea for a ‘beast’ anthology, I laid claim to white tigers ‘cause it sounded interesting. Then the concept sold and I jumped into researching white tigers. I learned some depressing stuff about the result of too much inbreeding, but believe me, there’s nothing inbred about the sexy shape shifter my intrepid zoologist finds when she goes to India. As my mother would say, hubba, hubba.

Oh shoot, I’m going to blow up my brain if I keep going this way. Suffice to say, I have three new Ellora’s Cave releases and just put my first erotica novella up on Kindle. Another first for me is a book on tape.There are three more EC stories in the pipeline, two coming out from Samhain, and a recent sale to Loose Id. All that stuff, if you’re so inclined, is on my website www.VonnaHarper.com

That’s why I’m none of the things the sexy and savvy ladies who run Nine Naughty Novelists are. It takes everything I still have of a brain just to write. And hopefully find my shoes before winter.

BTW if anyone comes up with a title for Matt and Cat’s story, I’d be eternally grateful.

Under her "real" name, Vonna Harper has published more fiction than she can keep track of . These include category romances for the major players as well as the 'juicy' stuff. She also penned a series of well-received Native American historicals. One earned her finalist status in both the Women Writing the West Willa award and Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association. Before discovering romances, both erotic and otherwise, Vonna 'confessed' all kinds of nonsense for the confession magazines.

When asked about erotica research, she insists, "Of course I've time-traveled to the ancient Everglades, infiltrated bondage strongholds, done wilderness search and rescue, and spent a night trapped in a workout gym with Mr. Universe. How can I possibly write about something I haven't experienced?"

As for day jobs, "I've been a commercial pilot, brain surgeon, worked as a white-water river guide, bee keeper, snake charmer, and garbage collector."

And if you buy all that, she'd like you to check out the bridge she has listed on eBay.

Oooh, you have a stoplight in your town? LOL! We're still working on running water at our place. Vonna, you sound like just my kind of gal and a hell of a writer! I thoroughly enjoyed your post and look forward to all your new releases.