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April 15, 2014

for me I am enough

I crawled into bed last night exhausted from a long day... most days are with a toddler and a baby still needing nightly nourishment. Not long after my head sunk into the pillow, a wave of self-destruction coursed through my tired brain. I thought about how heavy I'd felt all day. Remembered the feeling of disgust when I caught my reflection in the mirror and found the person staring back to be shaped differently than I'd prefer. I wished to be thin, to have clothes fit me better. Heavy. Fat. Unattractive. Gross.

And then as if somehow he knew my thoughts, two strong arms encircled me and rescued me from my self-inflicted torment. The two strong arms that sealed his life to mine for all eternity. In my ear I hard him whisper, "You know you're beautiful, right?"

His large masculine hands coursed all edges of my body. My imperfections, my flaws. He touched it all. No flinching as he reached my stretched and scarred belly; signs of two children there bourn are not hard to find. This man who loves without holding back, who helps me love me when I can't, for him I am enough.

My body is beautiful. It is a sacred gift from God. It was created by Him as He saw fit. Though it may not yet be perfect, it is of eternal worth. It is strong and it is beautiful. It was created to experience joy, sadness, hunger, growth, pleasure and pain. To give my spirit the chance to act on the choices it makes. To love in sacred intimacy and bring new life into the world. I am the offspring of a divine being. I have inherent worth. Despite my mortal imperfections, I am beautiful. For me I am enough.

I wrote this over a month ago in the middle of the night and forgot about it until now. Felt like it was still worth sharing.