Tag: Jeff Hardy / Willow / Itchweeed / Brother Nero

Having been working through the awfulness that is WCW 2000, I decided to go and see how the other half was living and check out a WWF PPV from the same time. So why King of the Ring 2000? Because I’m also randomly watching all the Wrestling Observer’s worst matches of the year and this PPV contains the apparent worst match of 2000 which, given the shit I’ve seen on Nitros from that year, is truly an incredible feat. So let’s get on with the show!

When all the legal rigmarole regarding the Broken Universe was finally settled and Matt Hardy brought the character to the WWE I thought his crazy little corner of the wrestling world was the perfect sort of thing for the WWE Network and longed for a Broken/Woken Universe series. My wish has finally become a reality with the House Hardy Halloween.

Welcome everyone to Monday Night Raw coming to you live from the Manhattan Center with your hosts Good Ol’ JR and Jerry “The King” Lawler. We’ve got the old wailing siren of yore and the entire thing is set up like an episode of Raw from 1993, complete with an ICOPRO banner.

Lawler promises that this will be the most memorable Raw ever. It would turn out that he was either gravely mistaken or outright lying…

This seemingly random episode of Raw is actually a historically important one as it was the first WWE Draft and the episode that would begin the Brand Split Era. We start things off with a cold open that features Linda McMahon boringly explain the concept of the draft to those of us watching at home as well as a gaggle of WWE wrestlers watching in the locker room.

There will be twenty picks tonight overall between the two brands: Raw (with General Manager Ric Flair) and Smackdown (with General Manager Vince McMahon). The remaining superstars will be put in a draft lottery on WWF.com after Raw ends or something.

She goes on to say that since Triple H, Jericho, and Stephanie McMahon will be competing in a match for the Undisputed Heavyweight Championship none of them are able to be drafted. Steve Austin is also ineligible since he apparently had something written into his contract that said, “In the event of a Brand Split leading to a Draft I, Stone Cold Steve Austin, become a free agent and that’s the bottom line cuz Stone Cold said so.” I guess he was legit having a contract dispute at the time and it was unclear if he’d resign or not and this is what they came up with.

Of the “Big Four” WWE PPVs my favorite has always been the Royal Rumble. Sure WrestleMania has bigger marquee matches but there’s something awesome about seeing a bunch of dudes clubbering one another and tossing each other out of the ring and seeing what random legend they bring back in to throw a couple dudes out of the ring before ultimately getting eliminated.

Today we’re going to take a look at the 2009 edition of the Royal Rumble coming to us from the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit.

Remember when Dok Hendrix was a Hardy Boy? Atomic Drop remembers. Watch the Hardys and Dok Hendrix battle the team of Farooq and Bradshaw for the WWF World Tag Team Championship all the way back in 1999. WHO DESERVES THE BELT?!

After your slick looking, albeit standard issue, “Tonight some shit is gonna go down…IT’S DECEMBER TO DISMEMBER!” video package we head to some random arena or civic center in the ECW stronghold of…Augusta, GA? That can’t be right can it?

Pyro explodes and in spite it being almost 2007 when this is happening, “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor,” blares. We are joined by our announce team for the evening: Joey Styles and Taz. Joey promptly spoils the main event when he declares, “Tonight, a new ECW world’s champion will be crowned.”

Now, for those of you not well versed in random WWECW storylines from 11 years ago, this was not a situation where the title was vacant going into this event. Big Show was the reigning champ, and according to Joey Styles in two hours and change he was set to drop the belt.

When I was a kid Saturday Night’s Main Event was kind of a big deal since most of the televised wrestling matches were King Kong Bundy or Ric Rude or whoever squashing the fuck out of S.D. Jones or some other job guy. If you wanted to see guys who could win taking on other guys who could win you had to order PPVs…or tune in to NBC a couple times a year. It was a decent concept, but it stopped being a thing in ’92.

In 2006 the WWE and NBC brought it back. It ran for a couple years before being replaced by Tribute for the Troops. This is, to date, the final Saturday Night’s Main Event.

It’s time for the Invasion. I somehow missed out on this when it happened and haven’t seen it since, but I know its reputation. Everyone does. Does the Invasion deserve the amount of shit that’s been heaped upon it? Let’s find out!

Franklin Delano Roosevelt kicks things off for us, talking about war as clips of WCW and ECW dudes invading WWF are shown. This is really a weird way to kick off a PPV. Fireworks happen. JR welcomes to the Gund Arena as we get down to the ring for action.

We’re in Cameron, North Carolina tonight for Total Nonstop Deletion. Senor Benjamin tells us (en Español) that we shouldn’t try this at home and Vanguard 1 informs us that no drones were harmed in the making of this event.

From there it’s time for a montage! Reby’s playing a piano. Matt Hardy’s in a dilapidated boat in the middle of a lake. Jeff Hardy is doing edgelord landscaping. Things are about to get broken!