It shouldn't be this painful...right?

I'm a virgin, but my boyfriend is not. This weekend we tried to have sex for the first time. I say 'tried' because it was just so terribly painful that my boyfriend could only get a bit in before he saw how much pain I was in and stopped.

This was the first time we've managed to get anywhere in weeks! We've been trying for a while, but (on a more embarrassing subject) my vagina was just too tight. So tight, in fact, that he simply can't get it in there!

He's been amazingly patient with me, and I feel terribly awful that my irritatingly tiny vagina seems to be stopping us. Does anyone have any advice on how to both deal with the pain and my...um...tiny vag?

Why don't you relax on the full penetrative sex for a while and spend some time just learning your bodies together -- foreplay alone can be VERY fulfilling!! Try out some different combinations of fingering & oral, get some toys of different sizes and see what you can do after a few weeks/months of that... if it doesn't improve, I would recommend seeing a Dr just for your own knowledge - maybe you are just very small, maybe its something else.

PS people on reddit might give you flack about not really masturbating. Don't stress it - we're all different. I have hardly masturbated alone at all in my life, but do it all the time with my husband right there next to me, kissing me etc... find what makes you most relaxed and brings you the most pleasure.

Do you use a tampon? Some women simply cannot put anything in their vagina: I'm not kidding, it's a real condition called Vaginismus. It's extremely rare, and there isn't too much information out there about it, but gynecologists theorize that it's linked how a girl was raised to feel about sex and her vagina. Even girls who have not conciously absorbed whatever an overly religious parent (for example) has taught them, can later experience vaginismus, resulting in extreme physical pain. The bright side? At least you didn't wait till you're married, that's probably as bad as it gets. If you do have it, it can be understandably difficult for you and your partner. I've heard of it being treated with sizing inserts, over a long period of time, but to be honest, I learned all of this on Oprah and you're going to have to read more yourself. Good luck!

Time, lube, and a glass of wine. But don't push it, don't stress about it, and expect it will happen when it happens. If you do the opposite of those things, you'll likely make it worse. Or, get a dildo a bit smaller than his penis and work with that for a while; if that is too big, get a smaller one and work up.

I've been through the same thing (as a guy) - took us three times before I could actually get in there, and even then it was over immediately because of how much pain she was in. Then she still hurt and bled the next four or five times we had sex.

A. Lots of Lube B. Alcohol C. Maybe get like a small vibrator and see if you can't ease her into it. D. At some point you just have to go for it - it'll hurt a lot, but it has to be done, so just get it over with.

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