Let’s Get Together

Bachelor Recap: Week 1

Hello, friends! The weather has been cold and yucky today but there is an end in sight–we might even have 60 degree weather this week!

If there is one thing that can entertain us and take our minds off the terrible cold, the Bachelor is it. Does anyone else indulge in this guilty pleasure? These people are something else, and Matt and I are always immensely entertained by all the shenanigans that ensue.

I thought it would be fun to do a recap this week, so let me know what you think! I had hoped to get the first one up last week, but with all the various sicknesses that descended upon our household, it just didn’t happen. Hopefully I will have this week’s up and ready by Thursday.

So, FYI, this season’s Bachelor is Arie Luyendyk Jr. (I definitely had to Google his last name). He was the runner up on Emily Maynard’s season five years ago, and I guess that couldn’t sign on Peter, Rachel Lindsay’s runner up, so he was the next best thing. (I’ve recently gottten hooked on Reality Steve, and he keeps referring to Arie as “Not Peter,” which I find hilarious. Also, don’t check out the Reality Steve site if you don’t want to read spoilers–don’t worry I won’t mention any on here.)

Anyway, we’re fed the usual Bachelor lines about how he’s “ready for love” and “it’s time” and blah blah blah. Come on ABC, let’s get to the parade of crazy!

Before the cocktail party magic begins, we’re introduced to a few of the ladies. First up is Chelsea, a single mom from Portland, ME. At first, you’re probably thinking, “alright, let’s go single mom!” However, you will be not rooting for Chelsea within just a few minutes of the Cocktail party. She is The. Worst.

We’re also introduced to a girl from Wiener, AR (yep), who happens to be bffs with Raven, from Nick’s season. She, of course, opens with a weiner joke when she meets Arie. It does not bear repeating.

We meet Krystal, who is a fitness trainer (in LA, I believe), who also likes to take lunches to the homeless–which is very sweet on paper, but seems very staged on the show. The music gets very dramatic when she gets out of the limo, so I have a feeling we’ll be seeing her for several episodes.

Another California girl is introduced–her name is Bekah, and Matt and I spend the rest of the episode trying to figure out her age. Is she in her early twenties? Is she legal? Is this going to be a crossover episode with To Catch a Predator? Is Chris Hansen going to show up? (She’s 22, so the answer to this is a solid NOPE.) Bekah shows up in a classic car, which of course makes Chelsea feel threatened so she starts making nasty comments about Bekah.

Maquel, from Utah, is a phographer who is also in her early twenties. In her video, we see her photographing a lucky-in-love couple, and she says, “aw. maybe one day I’ll get to get married too.” GIRL. You are like 24 years old! Slow down!

Maquel enters in some sort of fancy race car, showing up Bekah’s classic car entrance, and then later proceeds to steal Arie away from Chelsea. Chelsea was, like, totally cool about the whole thing and didn’t bring it up at all for the rest of the show.

JUST KIDDING. Chelsea is firmly established in her role as this season’s villain. She complained about it and made snide remarks until she finally decided to steal him from someone else (Krystal), then makeout him, thus earning her the First Impression Rose and intense dislike from all the other women. Chelsea informs us that, “at the end of the day, I’m a nice person,” and “I’m really not competitive by nature.” Okay, Chelsea. You got your rose. Don’t bother with pretending to be fake nice now.

The party continues for the entire night, as every woman there tries to make herself memorable, which just feels awkward most of the time. One woman ordered pizza and shared it with Arie, and in the moment I was like, “Oh! Pizza! I want to be on that date with them right now!”

A reporter from San Diego eagerly tells Arie that her dad passed away, but this one time her dad met Arie, so shouldn’t they be together forever? I felt bad for her, because in that moment I could see his face shutting down as he mentally added her to the “does not get a rose list.”

We finally make it to the Rose Ceremony. Hooray! These are the people who get to continue to enjoy a paid vacay in California: Becca, The Girl Who Owns an Indian Restaurant (what was her name?), Kendall Loves Taxidermy, Lauren G., Krystal, Bekah M, Lauren S., Sienne, Caroline, Brittany T, Bibiana, The Girl Who Wore a Mask, Jenna (who we believe was quite drunk), Valerie, Jacquelyn, Jenny, Lauren B., Ashley, Tia (Weiner, AR and bffs with Raven), Maquel (photographer).

We get a sneak peek of the drama that is to come, interspersed with shots of Arie staring moodily off at what we can only assume is the final rose ceremony. Stay tuned for more!