Pages

December 13, 2015

Waiting to Adopt

This is a post I keep drafting and stopping and trying to write. If you follow me on Instagram, you know we finally got the call for a potential adoption. The mother is not due to give birth for another couple of weeks, and she can change her mind at any time. The waiting has been awful! We were told it would be tough, but it's hard to put into words what it actually feels like until you're dropped into it.

Getting the call was like being handed a positive pregnancy test, except I hadn't peed in a cup. It's like, "wha? huh?" Maybe this is how men feel?

A million thoughts ran through my head - about the present and the future. Once I got over the "is this really happening?" feeling, I couldn't help but start to plan and wonder. One minute everything is the same as always and the next you know huge changes will be coming along, you just don't know when or for sure.

I started going into nesting mode - cleaning and organizing clutter in the house. Luckily, my friends did with me as well, and started to bring me baby things we may need.

The feelings I have now are mixed with excitement and fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of heartbreak. Adoption takes an incredible amount of trust and bravery on both sides.

Because of all the emotions I am going through, I started looking online for ways others can help us through this time. I could not find very much info, so I'm starting a list I hope can help us and others also going through The Wait:

I know you have questions, but you're not the only one asking me questions. On top of that, we're asking ourselves questions. So maybe try to keep your own questions to a minimum? Some answers will be apparent to everyone in time.

Please also understand that I can't or won't answer certain things. Some things I honestly don't know and others are just no one else's business. My child's story is theirs alone to tell and again, if it's important for you to know, you will have your answers in time.

I need you to know that as excited as I am, it is tempered by worry things won't work out and sadness for the loss my child and his mother will experience.

I need you to help me prepare my home and mind, the same way I would if I were pregnant. At the same time, we can enjoy our last moments of "freedom" before my life gets taken over by bottles and diapers. Invite me out for coffee, take me for a spa day - distract and pamper me like any mother-to-be.
I may not be able to hold a baby shower like a pregnant woman would, but you can still help me feel special, or maybe offer to babysit the Little Man, so Hubby and I can process alone a bit.

Understand it is very stressful to live under this amount of uncertainty - I might not always be in the best mood or want to talk about it.

Please tell me you will be there for me no matter what happens. I will need you in good times and bad. I am scared of the unknown and whether or not I will have anyone by my side if everything doesn't go as planned.