"Maxim Magazine, much like your wacky uncle and sober bartender, thought to continue something we thought had died long ago. No, not the actual girlfriend—who never existed, let alone died—of the former Notre Dame linebacker, I am talking about the jokes surrounding her.

Maxim included every last nonexistent curve and sultry wisp of invisible hair of Lennay Kekua's in its annual breakdown of the hottest women in the world.