Can you Believe This?

August 21, 2009

My best friend Joan and I spent Saturday afternoons out and about town grocery shopping. It was the one and only day of the week we had a few hours to our selves. Our husbands, God Bless them, babysat the children. We were housewives and mothers and the Saturday afternoon shopping sprees were almost a necessity. As it was our only break in a long week we tried to make the best of every moment of freedom it provided.
Joan and I had a lot in common. We both enjoyed rich gourmet foods such as; French fries, hot dogs, everything else fried or smothered in gravy. Naturally our first and last stop every Saturday was at a fast food restaurant.
During pregnancy we discovered nature called often making it necessary to stop more frequently. Our well planned excursions worked to perfection; a store, a restaurant, a store, a restaurant, a store…until one day! The line up at the cash was longer and slower moving than usual. I, being heavier and later into my pregnancy than Joan, experienced a great deal of discomfort. Finally, with our purchases in hand we quickly waddled along to the closest restaurant. Depositing my parcels on a table I made haste for the bathroom, calling over my shoulder,
“Order me anything.”
Oh the relief of it! There I was comfortably ensconced in the cubicle when suddenly much to my dismay my peaceful moment was shattered by the noise of the door being slammed open. A great loud banging continued right outside my cubicle. I thought,
“What kind of a woman is that? Boy is she rude not to mention rough and ready.”
Opening the cubicle door I found myself belly to belly, so to speak, with a six foot five inch tall male. The fact that I was four foot eleven inches tall and as round as I was tall didn’t deter me one single bit. Stretching myself to my tallest height I gave him a look of utter disdain. If it were possible I would definitely be looking down my nose at him. In a caustic, sarcastic voice I said,
“Excuse me! This is the lady’s room!”
The man stared in astonishment for a second. Backing off with a crimson face and a contrite voice he apologized profusely. I rolled along to the sink, giving him one last dagger filled glare Embarrassed he made a hasty retreat to the door. He tugged it open and there, as big as life in large black letters printed across the door was the word ‘GENTLEMEN’.
“Oh God! Oh! I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”
I mutter red faced and contrite as he angrily glared at me. So angry, unable to speak he briskly turned his back and walked out slamming the door behind him.
Praying he had left the restaurant and trying to escape before another male came in, with dripping hands I pulled on the door.
Squeezing into the booth on the bench across from Joan I held my head low.
“Come on we have to get out of here,” I mutter.
“What?” She says.
“Hurry up lets leave” I squeeze out.
“I ordered for us” she says. “What’s wrong with you?”
Glancing up his angry eyes meet mine in the mirror over the counter. Quickly, I lowered my eyes and quietly try to explain to Joan what happened. Leaning as far as she could across the table she tried to hear what I was mumbling.
“What’s wrong? I can’t hear you! She bellowed” “Shhhhsh! Shhhhsh!” I hissed. “Not so loud”
Stealing another glance from my place as close to under the table as I could get I received loudly and clearly the message the angry, cold, steely stare was meant to give. Whispering and shushing I finally gave Joan the awful story. Her Loud, contagious laughter filled the air and continued to bounce off the walls long minutes after the tale was told. What could I do, but join her. What could the gentleman do but leave. The last time I looked his untouched coffee cup sat on the cold vacant counter.