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The tourists milling around Fisherman's Wharf might imagine San Francisco as a relaxed, family-friendly city - which it is, no doubt. But as a frequent Bay City visitor, I know San Francisco has a sexy side, to which I introduced my husband during a quickie weekend trip.

After all, San Francisco is home to the first U.S. lesbian-rights organization and Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man to be elected to U.S. public office. This is a city comfortable with its sexuality and not afraid to show it - if you know where to look.

"AsiaSF should be your first stop," says co-founder Skip Young, reading our minds, who took a break from tending bar to chat at his restaurant, where beautiful transgender stars perform expertly choreographed routines to hit songs on the red runway bar to the wild applause and catcalls of a packed house.

"We wanted to create an accepting, energetic and inclusive atmosphere, a dynamic performance and incredible food, and I think we've been successful," Young says. The restaurant's fame has spread, as much for the risqué, but not raunchy, performances as the delicious Cal-Asian fusion cuisine, and it has been a fixture on must-do in San Francisco lists since opening in 1998.

Our second day was spent shopping downtown before we checked into the centrally located Hotel Diva. Inspired by the bestselling novel Fifty Shades of Grey, Hotel Diva, Kensington Park and Hotel Union Square offer a Fifty Shades of Women package that includes a custom-designed gift box from sex toy company Minna Life.

Upon arriving in our sleek room, we discovered the discreet black box filled with a satin scarf and very long ribbon and other sexy treats.

It was difficult dragging ourselves away from the black box and the pleasures it promised, but we didn't want to miss our reservation at Opaque, which ended up being a black box of another kind entirely.

Opaque is a dark dining experience, and when they say dark, they mean dark. We had envisioned a very dimly lit restaurant, with waiters in night-vision goggles and mediocre food as the owners trusted the novelty of a dark restaurant to draw in crowds. Instead, we descended into a subterranean, pitchblack space, assisted to our table and throughout our meal by legally blind servers - and served one of the most mouth-watering meals of our lives.

"The food has to be amazing," explained our server Katie Phan. "Otherwise people would come once just to say they've been and then never come back. But we have a lot of regulars who really enjoy the experience."

During the meal, my husband and I snuck in an obligatory caress or two, trying not to giggle too loudly or knock over our wine glasses in the process. It was thrilling to steal a few deep kisses with the patrons a few feet away none the wiser, but we didn't do anything that would result in abandoned clothing.

"We do find the occasional bra, but mostly people leave their sweaters or phones," Phan says with a laugh.

Later that night we hit our final hot spot - literally. They'd jacked up the temperature at the San Francisco Concourse Exhibition Center for the second annual Masquerotica, a sextravagant event billed as a Sinfully Sensual Soiree that takes place in late October. Here, nearly 3,000 partygoers in various stages of undress danced and mingled in themed areas.

"Because San Francisco has a long history of activism and tolerance, it's safer to fly your sexy flag. When someone is able to express their sexiness openly, and there's no assumption that they'll do anything, or they're degraded, then exponential sexiness is possible," Thomas explains.

"Parties like Masquerotica can happen because women and men are able to express their authentic sexiness openly. The San Fransexual revolution is about consent and freedom of expression."

After this final night of consensual debauchery, we said goodbye to San Francisco thinking that Frank Sinatra had it right when he said of fog city, "Now there's a grown-up swinging town."

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