Over the past several weeks I have shared stories from my mother’s life that illustrate the five givens, the things that inevitably happen to all us, over which we have no control. Last week I wrote about the refuge from these givens—not escape, but refuge— that can be found in a steadfast trust in God.

This week I wish to put forth a summary—not so much for my readers as for myself, as I wish to pound these principles into my head. I am convinced that for the remainder of my days on this earth, if I can learn to speak the unconditional yes over life’s givens, I will be a much happier, peaceful person.

I started this series by quoting the Serenity Prayer, written by Reinhold Niebuhr, an Amerian Protestant theolgian. It bears repeating:

“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The five things I cannot change, the five unavoidables, the five givens of life are:

Everything changes and ends.
Things do not always go according to plan.
Life is not always fair.
Pain is part of life.
People are not loving and loyal all the time.

I have learned from reading Dr. Richo’s book that my inability to always accept these givens gracefully is a result of a fragile ego that insists on having its own way. I have learned that the emotion at the back of that ego is almost always fear. Fear of losing something—that something is typically control.

I have experienced enough of life to know that resisting reality leads to a series of disappointments, frustrations and sadness. I am ready to try something different.

This is what I pledge to myself.

When I encounter changes and endings, I am going to grieve and then let go.

When my plans go awry, I am going to accept it gracefully and look for the supernatural grace offered by the detour.

When life does not treat me fairly, I am going to respectfully ask for redress, and failing that, I will let the disappointment go.

When I experience pain, either physically or emotionally, I will try to lean into it, not control the circumstances, and learn from it. I will allow it to make me a more compassionate person.

When people are not loving toward me or loyal to me, I will respectfully speak up, but not retaliate.
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I remain convinced that if I can live up to this pledge, it will make me more empathetic, stronger, deeper, wiser, and a better example of Christ’s love and grace.

I will ask God’s help in this journey by requesting serenity,courage and wisdom, as the case may be.