How to Stand Up for an Elder in Need

Reporting elder abuse can bring up a lot of difficult emotions and uncertainty. You may ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing, or how you can be sure an older adult is getting the help they need. You may also question whether you’re doing enough to help the person. As difficult as reporting elder abuse can be, it’s important for you to stand up for an older adult in need. Here are some tips for communicating effectively in different situations.

Reporting elder abuse

Tip 1: Try to be specific as you can in your description

You don’t need “hard evidence” to report abuse. In many situations, abuse can be subtle or happen gradually. However, the more specific details you can provide, the clearer the picture of abuse can become. For example, if you’re worried that your neighbor is not taking care of himself, instead of reporting, “My neighbor is having a hard time taking care of himself”, try “I’ve noticed that my neighbor wears the same outfit over and over again and it is looking very dirty. When I come to the door, I smell urine and even feces. The house also smells like there is trash accumulating inside.”

Tip 2: Understand the elder does have the right to refuse services

As painful as it may be, unless the older adult no longer has the mental capacity to make their own decisions, he or she does have the right to refuse help. A senior may refuse to admit they’re being abused because they’re afraid the caregiver will retaliate, or because they’re worried about who will take care of them if their abusive caregiver is removed. Sadly, an elder adult may view having an abusive caretaker as better than having no caretaker and being forced to move out of their own home. In these situations, if it is safe for you to do so, continue to stay in contact and encourage the elder to consider alternatives to home care. For example:

Taking tours of assisted living or other facilities, without any immediate pressure to move, may help dispel myths or eradicate the older person’s fears about moving

Offering services on a trial basis can help the elder see the positive changes they can have on his or her life, and make them more open to change. For example, if self-neglect is an issue, encourage them to try housekeeping help for a month, or a meal delivery service for a few weeks.

Keeping the older adult and caregiver connected to support services can help reduce feelings of isolation and depression, two major risk factors for elder abuse. Also, the more support there is for the elder and the caregiver, the more eyes there will be to watch for any warning signs of abuse.

If a family caregiver is suspected of abuse, other family members may have the best chance of convincing the older adult to consider alternative care. Some families may feel that care should stay in the family no matter what, but if the caregiver is abusive, it is safer for everyone to consider other options.

Tip 3: Keep your eyes and ears open

If you see future incidences of abuse, continue to call and report them. Each elder abuse report is a snapshot of what is going on. The more information that you can provide, the better the chance the elder has to get the level of care he or she needs. Older adults can be increasingly isolated from society and with no school or work to attend, it can be easy for elder abuse cases to go unnoticed for long periods.

Connecting a senior to services

Eldercare Locator provides a database of services for seniors in your area, either online or by calling 1-800-677-1116.

Senior centers or senior service organizations can also provide tips and resources for services in your area.

The elder’s healthcare team may have suggestions for services. Social workers, both outpatient and in the hospitals, can also be a good resource.

Religious organizations often have services to help seniors stay connected such as transportation, meals, or friendly visitors.

Legal aid groups in your community can provide affordable legal help. The Center for Elder Rights Advocacy has a state by state directory of legal hotlines.

Special situations: Abuse in the home and self-neglect

Sadly, two of the most common sources of elder abuse are abuse by a primary caregiver—often an adult child—and self-neglect. Here are some tips for handling these situations.

Elder abuse in the home

Try to have different family members or neutral parties involved in the older adult’s care to provide checks and balances, including reviewing finances. The greater the cognitive or physical impairment of the elder, the more people need to be involved in their care. While there is no excuse for abuse, caregiving can be extremely taxing, both mentally and physically. Caregiving for an illness like dementia will often involve around-the-clock supervision, constant vigilance, and the need to cope with disturbing behavior. If a caregiver is unable to get any respite, has disrupted sleep, or is experiencing his or her own health problems, there is a greater risk for elder abuse.

Feelings of shame can often keep elder abuse hidden. You may not want to believe a family member could be capable of abusing a loved one, or you may even think that the older adult would be angry at you for speaking up. However, it’s important to remember that everyone deserves to live with dignity and respect. The earlier you intervene in a situation of elder abuse, the better the outcome will be for everyone involved.

Look for common risk factors for elder abuse in the home

Substance abuse can impede a caregiver’s ability to provide adequate care. It also increases the risk of financial abuse as the caregiver struggles to finance a substance abuse habit. The elder may be self-medicating due to the abuse, and shame may prevent them from seeking help.

A history of domestic violence or other violence can often be a marker for elder abuse later in life.

Self-neglect

You may notice that an older family member, friend, or neighbor living alone is no longer taking care of themselves. They may appear increasingly disheveled, lack basic personal hygiene, or their home may be growing dirtier and dirtier, while they make no attempt to address the problem. Unfortunately, in many cases of self-neglect, the older person will refuse to get assistance. However, there are still things that you can do to help.

Remember the older adult is a person who deserves dignity and respect. He or she may be in denial, feel ashamed about needing help, or worried about having to leave home. Don’t stop checking in with the older adult, even if you are brushed off. Enlist others to express their feelings of concern to the elder. Sometimes a peer or a neutral party, such as a geriatric care manager, may have a better chance of getting through.

Make sure the older adult is connected with medical services. Self-neglect can be a sign of depression, grief, dementia, or other medical causes. If you know the person’s doctor, you can share your concerns. While the doctor may not be able to discuss the case with you if you do not have the older adult’s permission, you can write a letter or call to make sure that your concerns are heard.

It can be a real challenge to respect an older adult’s right to autonomy while at the same time making sure they are properly cared for. If you are concerned that a person’s ability to take care of themselves safely is compromised, you can look into legal guardianship or legal conservatorship. If there is not an appropriate family member available, a guardian can be appointed by the court.

Related links for reporting elder abuse

What services are available to stop abuse? Provides resources in the community for stopping abuse, including counseling, legal services, and case management. (National Committee for the Prevention of Elder Abuse)

Fast Facts

Search This Site

Frequently Asked Questions

Get answers to your questions about Alzheimer's disease caregiving from the National Institute on Aging

2015 Alzheimer’s Disease Facts and Figures

Download the new report from the Alzheimer's Association here. Everyone with a brain is at risk. Share the facts.

Preventing Alzheimer’s Disease: What Do We Know?

Get this very useful and free report from the National Institute on Aging.

Need Help Caring for a Person with Alzheimer’s?

Get this excellent, free guide from the National Institutes on Health here.

It’s Never Too Late to Start Exercising

Regular exercise and physical activity are important to everyone. The National Institutes on Health offers many free publications to help you get started. Check them out.

Alzheimer’s Disease is Life Changing

Find an Alzheimer's caregiver support group near you from the Alzheimer's Association.

Want to Reduce Your Risk for Dementia?

The World Alzheimer Report 2014, Dementia and Risk Reduction: An analysis of protective and modifiable factors critically examines the evidence for the existence of modifiable risk factors for dementia. Get your copy here.

Understanding Alzheimer’s Disease: It’s Just Not Forgetfulness

Get the free and informative report from the BrightFocus Foundation.

Starting the Conversation . . .

. . about Health, Legal, Financial and
End-of-Life Issues with a Loved One. Please click here for a helpful brochure from Eldercare.gov.

Who's Blogging?

Jennifer Gerhold is an Alzheimer's advocate, writer, psychologist, and avid caregiver supporter from Washington state. She posts information about Alzheimer's disease and other dementias from around the world.

44 Million People in the World have Dementia Today

Every 70 seconds someone develops Alzheimer's disease. Fight back by being informed! Your Loved ones will thank you for it.

Need Some Ideas for the Weekend?

101 fun things to do with a loved one who has Alzheimer's disease or other dementias.

Early Alzheimer’s Detection Matters

Read about the 10 signs of AD from the Alzheimer's Association.

Caregiver’s Guide to Understanding Dementia Behaviors

Caring for a loved one with dementia poses many challenges. Get this free guide from the Family Caregiver Alliance. It will help.

After the Diagnosis of Dementia . . .

. . . What Happens Next? Read first-hand accounts, find support groups, learn about services, and much more from the National Institutes of Health.

Tips for Successful Communication

. . . at all Stages of Alzheimer's Disease. Need some help? Get this free booklet from the Alzheimer's Association.

Food that is Good for You and Your Brain

I Hear a Lot About the Mediterranean Diet, But What is It?

Caregiver Stress Check

Caregiving can be stressful. Take the Caregiver Stress Check from alz.org and get resources that can help.

Web-Savvy Caregivers

Get Your Caregiver Tips Here.

Get Started Today on a Better You

A simple and easy exercise program just for you from the National Institute on Aging. Try it out - you may like it.