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Healthy Mental and Emotional Development

Just as you prepare your children for the start of a new school year with the right school supplies and materials, it’s also important to think about their emotional health. Remember that children may not only be excited about the new school year, but also apprehensive about all the changes that come with growing up. Their emotional health is tied into their mental health and as their parent, you are the person they look to for support and guidance.

Despite the fact that children may not actively seek out a conversation with you, it is important to engage with them on a regular basis so that you become part of the support system they look to when they are in trouble.

For example, a poll conducted by KidsHealth found that “kids said they were stressed out the most by: grades, school, and homework (36%); family (32%); and friends, peers, gossip, and teasing (21%).” However, only 22% of these kids dealt with their stress by talking to their parents.

So, be prepared for the variety of issues that can “stress out” your children. Below are some pointers that can help you address the needs of children in various age groups.

Ages 5-9

What to Expect

Tips for Caregivers

This group will:

Have increased ability of their emotions, self-control

Know how to mask emotions and their use of coping strategies (by age 8)

Have knowledge of how their actions affect others

Express preference for structure and routine but they are learning how to assert their independence

Be able to “step into another’s shoes”

Form peer groups

Spend less time with parents and more time with peers

Increase the child’s self-esteem with warm, positive parenting and reinforcement

Minimize comparisons among children and help them overcome failures

Give advice and encouragement when he/she comes across moral questions such as lying, cheating, stealing, etc.

Help the child think about how to handle feelings of anger and similar emotions in safe ways

Promote respect and positive relationships between the child and others

Talk to the child about school, friends, and feelings regularly

Expect that the child’s level of independence will change depending on the circumstance

Ages 10-12

What to Expect

Tips for Caregivers

A pre-teen adolescent (tween):

Commonly has emotional swings (feeling wonderful one minute, and sad or irritable the next)

Begins to rely more on same-age friends

Views being accepted by peers means being liked

Still relies on bonds with parents though it may not be demonstrated

Has thoughts of independence but bonds with family are still clear

Questions rules and values, often will say things are “unfair”

May begin to have body image issues

Listen to the preteen and take his/her feelings seriously

Don’t minimize the issues they stress out about

Work together for solutions when problems arise

Schedule time for family connectedness (shared meals, weekend activities)

Be involved in social media activities

Reinforce your family’s values

Give room for independence and identity exploration

Be mindful of their self-esteem and feelings of self-worth

Talk openly about teasing, bullying, and similar problems and the appropriate actions to take when these issues arise

Ages 13-15

What to Expect

Tips for Caregivers

An adolescent:

Struggles with sense of identity; worries about being normal or “fitting in”

Feels awkward or strange about self & body image

Maintains high expectations for self

Still relies on connectedness with parents but not in an open manner (being rude to parents in front of others)

Complains that parents interfere with independence

Begins testing rules and limits

Develops more friendships with opposite sex

Has increased exposure to sex and drugs

Tries to find a group of peers where they fit in and are accepted

Interests and clothing style are influenced by peer group

Commonly experiences moodiness

May return to childish behavior, especially when stressed

Develops intellectual interests, which become more important

Realizes that his/her parents are not perfect and identifies their fault