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Whether you’re a new dad or an experienced father who wants to connect with his kids in a deeper, more meaningful way, these parenting strategies can specifically help a father-child relationship.

Dads and Parenting: Appreciate Your Role

Todd DuBose, PhD, assistant professor at the Chicago School of Professional Psychology, offers the following advice for raising kids:

Have confidence in yourself. As a parent, many dads feel like they won’t be as helpful as their partners. “Men initially start out feeling like they don’t have as much to offer,” says DuBose. But this self-doubt can lead to a tricky circular pattern. “If a man feels like he won’t be good at parenting, then he won’t be as engaged with his children,” adds DuBose. “Then the kids will feel like dad doesn’t want to play with them, and the pattern can circle on itself.”

It’s not a competition. Comparing oneself to a partner is akin to comparing an orange to an apple, says DuBose. “Many men worry that they won’t be as good at parenting as their partners,” says DuBose. “But it’s important to remember that the relationship you have with your child is unique. It can’t be replicated.”

Dads and Parenting: Make the Connection

Dads need to understand and appreciate whatever their child is doing:

Enter your child’s world. Learn about what he likes to play and how he plays, and validate that. “When a child gets this kind of feedback, he will see and feel that,” says DuBose. “He will be able to say, ‘That matters to my dad.’ And that reassurance that their dad understands and cares about the things they care about will build their confidence in their world and in themselves.”

Find the value in just being with your child. “Often, men focus on the end product,” says DuBose. “But for children, playing is much more immediate.” Once dads follow a child’s lead and get into playing, says DuBose, they find it can be fun.

Set up a regular time with your child. A key part of raising kids and building a good relationship is establishing time to be together. Fulfilling the anticipation that kids have about being with their dad is important, says DuBose. If you have more than one child, set up individual time with each.

Accept your limitations as a human being. “Our high-tech culture seduces us into thinking we’re not human,” says DuBose. “It requires immediate response and pulls us away from our limitations. And it can lead to burn-out.” The solution, says DuBose, is to realize we are not omnipotent, and to play. “We are all juggling and trying to get a balanced life. People can feel inadequate. But it’s important to realize you’re never going to be able to give as much as you want to everything.”

Dads and Parenting: Remembering Your Spouse

As you add on to your family, there’s less time to be together as a couple and more effort goes into managing work and family responsibilities. Take steps to find the right balance:

Juggling. “With each increase in the number of children, time and attention are shared more widely,” says DuBose. This becomes especially obvious in trying to spontaneously go out or enjoy a sexual encounter. Even when couples do find the time to be alone, exhaustion and sleep deprivation can hamper time for romance. But it is vital that couples find the time to be together, even if you have to shift how, when, and where you do it, says DuBose.

Sharing. Having a partner all to yourself and then having that attention shift to someone else after the birth of a child can be jarring for a new dad, says DuBose. “Carl Whitaker, the late experiential family therapist, went so far as to say that a mother ‘has an affair’ with the new baby, leaving the dad jilted. I believe the same issue arises for gay and lesbian couples who have to shift from a [couple] to a [family of three] or more,” says DuBose. “This is an inherent and non-negotiable part of being a family and a challenge to grow up.” The parent who feels jilted must learn that the world isn’t “me-centric” and learn how to feel loneliness at times and self-soothe, says DuBose.

Dads and Parenting: The Influence and Importance of Dads

At the heart of raising kids, besides building a good connection, is allowing a child to become a happy, confident individual. “Play can be a place where children can feel like it’s okay to be where they are,” says DuBose. “Play space can be nurturing.” The nurturing that dads — and moms — can give their kids plays a crucial role in a child’s self-confidence and development. “When kids are faced with their own limitations, they won’t be as hard on themselves and then, paradoxically, they will succeed,” adds DuBose.

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