The NFL's regional programming rules are famously byzantine, but luckily the506.com cuts through the bullshit for you, providing weekly maps that allow us to answer the only question that really matters: Which fans are the most screwed this Sunday?

Sikeston—in southeastern Missouri—is basically split between St. Louis and Nashville. Most people in this area are either Rams fans or Titans fans, but probably not both. Luckily each of these teams has its own horrible matchup this week that Sikeston is being forced to watch, so nobody is happy.

In the CBS early game, Sikeston draws Tennessee-Miami. I don't think I have to remind you what happened to the Titans last week (but I will); needless to say, no one is seeing them as a serious playoff contender right now. The rest of Missouri gets to watch Peyton continue his renaissance and Cam Newton reclaim his swagger.

None of these games is bad, but the best matchup is clearly between the undefeated Falcons and the "can beat or lose to anybody" Saints. Everyone just a few hours east, west, or south of Sikeston gets to watch this game. The town is on the world's crappiest little peninsula.

To screw over the Titans fans, Sikeston gets stuck with Rams-49ers. The Rams score the fourth-fewest points per game in the NFL. The 49ers allow the fewest. San Francisco is going to manhandle the Rams in the same methodical, unwatchable way that San Francisco manhandles all of its inferior opponents.

Meanwhile, most of the country gets to watch DeMarcus Ware try to murder Michael Vick, in a game that promises to be sloppy, testy, and, most importantly, close.