Predictably patchy portmanteau pic "7 Days in Havana" sutures together seven flimsy-to-outright bad shorts set across a week in Havana, to forgettable effect.

Predictably patchy portmanteau pic “7 Days in Havana” sutures together seven flimsy-to-outright bad shorts set across a week in Havana, to forgettable effect. Given that part of the production coin came from rum-maker Havana Club and advertising outfit M&C Saatchi, it’s no surprise the pic plays like a product-placement exercise more suited to a corporate website than to the cinema. Events eager to snag guests are likely to bite, but despite its name helmers, the pic will stay embargoed within the fest circuit.

Benicio del Toro’s daft opener finds Josh Hutcherson’s dim tourist hooking up with a transvestite. Pablo Trapero’s whatever segment has Emir Kusturica, as himself, befriending chauffeur/musician Alexander Abreu. Julio Medem’s embarrassing telenovela-like mini-meller features a Daniel Bruehl/Melvis Estevez/Leo Benitez love triangle. Elia Suleiman’s episode, in some ways the best, shows the helmer himself feeling lost in translation. Gaspar Noe’s take on a voodoo exorcism at least has style, while Juan Carlos Tabio’s comedy drama is visually flat. Laurent Cantet’s community comedy is cute but inconsequential. Vague coherence is created by all segs being similarly luridly colored and technically cheap-looking; even the music, an expected strong suit, underwhelms.