I was having coffee with a Grey named D’xia’lepid’othec and a Reptilian named Jox. Actually I was having coffee, D’xia was cleaning his anal probe and Jox was drinking a mocha-human-blood-frappuccino. We were discussing current exopolitics.

Both of them, like myself earlier, were recently let go in the downsizing that followed the market meltdown in 2008. In fact, Jox had only been let go last week and D’xia was let go a few days before that. The Grey and I were quite surprised to learn that Reptilians had been behind the sub-prime mortgage fiasco and had billions of their liquid assets wiped off their books.

You know how it is: you start a new job with all this breathless excitement and anxiety-ridden exuberance and you think it’s going to change your life.

Well, it did change my life: I was certain when the Grand Master of the Lodge informed me that I would be the Illuminati’s newest recruit that I would be able to learn all I needed to know about the Gregorian Calendar. But that myriad geocentric dating system was too baffling for me to come to terms with and the black cabal was less than impressed that I kept confusing Ra with Aunbis. This all added up to me getting the boot in 2009, and since then I’ve felt a little empty.