In divorce cases, too many people want to make sure the Judge knows why the marriage failed and that it is the other spouse’s fault. Unless it goes to custody, i.e., drug abuse, alcohol abuse, domestic violence, and so on, the judge does not care because the law does not care. It does not matter that your spouse has been having an adulterous affair unless he or she was “doing it” front of the children, and by “doing it,” I mean “doing it.” It does not matter your spouse is financially irresponsible. We now live in no fault divorce and it just does not matter. Get into counseling and or a support group, but get over it or your divorce will cost you so much more than it should, psychologically and financially.

If you are not seeking custody of the children but you have complaints about how the other spouse parents the children: keep it to yourself. If it is that bad, and it is how the other parent has been parenting for a long time, you are guilty of child neglect by letting it go on for so long and for not seeking custody. You cannot say you do it, but my way. So get over it.

Oh, so you want to vindicate yourself that you are not the bad person your spouse makes you out to be. Unless it affects the granting of relief at law the Court can grant, the Court does not care. So get over it, unless it is a domestic violence allegations, then you need to prove otherwise if untrue.

What does matter? That which will affect the best interests of the children, custody and child access. That which will affect how much support you will have to pay or be paid. That which will affect the equitable distribution of assets and debts. That which will affect exclusive use and occupancy of the marital residence. That which will affect the best interests of the children. That which will affect how long it will take you to get over the divorce and rebuild your life. That which will affect just how much it will cost you in legal fees. If you do not get over it, it will cost you way more in legal fees and the psychological scars will last much longer preventing you from getting on with your life.

If your lawyer is not guiding with the above principles and just letting you go and on, it is time for a new lawyer!