Austin, TX - A new anti-doping blood test of Lance Armstrong has revealed elevated levels of Bulldorphin (BDO), a sophisticated hormone used by cyclists to disguise lying, according to the United States Anti-Doping Agency.

"Bulldorphins can help prevaricators defeat any lie detector test yet invented," said a spokesman for USADA.

Dr. Carlo Collodi of Malibu's Anabolix Institute, who is treating the beleaguered cyclist, said "Though Lance's elevated Bulldorphin readings for him are actually normal, we think it would be beneficial to Lance ... and the rest of the world ... if his BDO levels were knocked down to that of an average person.

"We're not certain the treatment will stop Mr. Armstrong's lying," explained Dr. Collodi, "but the good news it should keep his nose from growing."

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