LETTER TO THE EDITOR: Jan. 17 - Friends help during grieving

On Thanksgiving Day, my dear husband of the last 53 years collapsed practically in front of my eyes, and tireless efforts of the rescue team to resuscitate him failed. A few days later while clearing his desk, I found a form given to him earlier on by the hospital whereby he instructed not to be resuscitated in case his heart stops.

My husband, Dr. Sheldon (Shelly) Kapen was a longtime neurologist who also practiced sleep medicine. He served for 30 years as chief of neurological services at the John Dingell Veterans Affairs Medical Center in Detroit and 28 years ago he established the sleep disorders clinic, which was the first of its kind in the V.A. system. Only a year ago, already frail and ailing, he finally decided to retire after a half century of healing the sick.

In the midst of the grieving process, my family and I were greatly assisted by our Jewish community, which -- for historical reasons of its small size and persecuted minority scattered all over the globe -- was inherently geared to help those needed it. The poor were helped by institutions lending money without interest. A bride's parents were helped with the dowry, and the people were helped with the burial of their family members. This still remains in practice today.

However, having my very own personal grief to contend with, I fully participated in empathizing with what must be the unimaginable grief of the parents of the 20 young children killed by a crazy person in Connecticut. I wonder whether despite all the publicity and even the condolence visit of President Obama, these grieving parents had the benefit that I and my family had when our entire community rallied around us, trying their best to help us in our most difficult time of need?

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When tragedy strikes, as I learned firsthand, it really takes a village -- a community in which you live -- to sustain you in life and in death. I know that I wouldn't have been able to fare the way I do without the help of my family and my community and for that, I am truly thankful. In hindsight, losing the most important person in my life for the last 53 years on Thanksgiving Day of all days, was in a way thanksgiving not only for the good and fulfilling life we both shared, but a reminder to be thankful for everything you have and for all the good people who are there to extend their hand when you need it.