A fan fic by Caleyndar.
Rating: PG-13.
Notes: I am starting an Neon Genesis Evangelion and Sailor
Moon Role Playing Game entitled "Children of the Second
Impact". If you know and are a fan of both animes/mangas,
please contact me if you are interested in joining.
Email: caleyndar@tac.com.au
URL: http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/
17th Angel ~ A Tribute to Kaworu and Shinji:
http://members.xoom.com/portalsms/17thangel/
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me. The story,
however, is mine.
Closed Palms...
"It is said that one who hides his palms is without a soul,
or is one who is content to live in solace from society, one
who has come to peace with what they are and has discovered
their own purpose."
Part One: Awakening...
Chapter Five...
The Sea of Tranquillity. The great body of water on
the moon, gifted with beautiful beaches, clear waters, and a
peaceful atmosphere. Located about an hour?s walk from the
palace, it was a place the Senshi often visited. Having
nothing planned in the day, and no signs of approaching danger
on Earth, the Inner Senshi decided to picnic there, taking
the two pilots and the Prince of Darkness with them.
"Usagi!" Rei exclaimed no sooner had they began
settling down on a once serene beach. "You?re getting sand
all over the blanket!" The Fire Senshi snatched the piece of
cloth up from the ground, mumbling under her breath as Usagi
started crying, saying Mars was being mean to her.
"This is going to be a long day," Makoto sighed,
setting her picnic basket down beside her feet.
"Unfortunately, you may be right," Mercury answered,
sitting down in the shade of the beach umbrella Kaworu and
Shinji were setting up, and taking out a book to read.
"You know, Ami, the knowledge you gain by absorbing
the words found in those books may be valuable, but you should
take some time to relax in the beauty of such a place," Kaworu
said, glancing over the girl?s shoulder once he had finished
his little task.
"Yes, Kaworu is right, Ami!" Usagi chirped in, jumping
in front of Ami and grabbing the book away. "Come on! Let?s
have some fun before lunch. Without reading!" The bright eyed
blond grinned and pulled the other girl up, dragging her
towards the edge of the water.
Shinji watched as the Senshi raced into the cool
sparkling water, a half smile on his face. He missed somewhat
the company of Asuka and Rei, and most certainly his friends
at school. But they were all gone now, torn away from him in
one way or another. Heaven had been kind though, and they had
sent an Angel to watch over him. The red eyed boy with the
twin scars on his back.
Angels. They were the enemy, but were not Angels
meant to be good and pure, the messengers of God? Either way,
Kaworu, to Shinji, was an Angel in the sense of his ability
to bring him such happiness and peace, to understand him so
completely. No, Kaworu was nothing like the enemies he called
the Angels.
But the scars he had seen last night? Down between
his shoulder blades, mirroring each other? They looked so
cruel on his body. Tainting his perfectly smooth and pale
skin. The Third Child could not help but wonder how Kaworu
had come to possess such scars, but he dared not ask.
"You are thinking about something?" Kaworu?s voice
interrupted his thoughts.
Once again, even after last night, Shinji could not
help but blush. "Yeah, just some trivial stuff."
"It is the trivial things that creates the simple
joys in life, Shinji," the other boy smiled. "Now, have you
ever immersed yourself in an ocean? It is different from a
pool. If you listen, if you feel with your entire being, you
can hear those who live within the water."
"No, I never even thought about that before..." Shinji
trailed off, eyes drifting towards the open horizon and the
waves that curled and crashed on the shore.
"Well, let me show you," Kaworu offered with another
smile, reaching out with his hands and pulling Shinji?s
t-shirt off with one flowing movement.
Shinji stood there, more than a little shocked at
Kaworu?s action, until Kaworu removed his own shirt and turned
his back, starting towards the water line.
The marks were clear now in the daylight. Two lines
which ran down between the shoulder blades. It was certainly
from no accident, the scars. They looked to be from an
operation almost. It frightened Shinji to think that some
harm could have come to his friend. To think that he would
have endured such pain.
The grey haired boy turned, flashing another warm
smile. "Come, Shinji! The ocean awaits!"
"Um, I?m coming, Kaworu..." Shinji mumbled, willing
his legs to move forward after the other boy. "I just hope you
are alright. I never want you to be hurt," the Third Child
whispered in a voice too low for the Fifth Child to hear over
the roar of the crashing waves.
Watching from some distance away was a figure dressed
in black. Having moved away from the group upon their arrival
at the Sea of Tranquillity, he sat now on a boulder staring
out at the ocean. He found himself watching the figure of
Serenity surrounded by the clear sunlit waters, listening to
her sweet laughter. Just being in her presence gave him
delight almost. And perhaps even brought peace? But that had
to be an illusion. He could never achieve true peace. Not
until he died.
In the stray to bitter thoughts, Endymion did not see
the vision of light and purity walk up to him. His eyes stared
at her, but his mind did not register the girl coming nearer.
"You won?t join us?" Serenity asked, standing in front
of him now.
Endymion remained motionless for long moments before
he blinked, shaking his head as if to clear unseen thoughts.
"I have much on my mind, Serenity. I am sorry, but I would
like to remain alone for now."
Serenity gave her kind understanding smile, a smile
that was open, that invited him to smile. "Well, we will be
happy to have you in our company when you feel like joining
us, Endymion." With another smile, she turned and ran back
towards her friends.
The Prince of Darkness watched her return to her
friends. He eyes did not see her perfect figure, nor her
shapely long legs, her graceful neck. He only saw her
kindness, her constant want to make him feel something akin
to happiness. And that almost made him want to cry.
Cry? When the eyes leaked. Had he ever cried before?
Screamed, yes. Yelled, yes. When they had done that
unspeakable act to him, he had roared with anger. He had even
sobbed, begged to remain awake, free. But cried? No, tears
had never fallen from his dark blue eyes.
To remain still any longer seemed unthinkable. Swiftly
he was on his feet, walking fast along the beach away from
the group. Silence. Quiet. To be away from their laughter,
their joy. He wanted darkness. He wanted to be alone. He
never wanted to be hurt again.
The cold salt water rolled over him, their force
pushing at him, tugging him. Gentle hands that almost seemed
to say ?come?, to invite him back to which he had come.
Kaworu Nagisa. Kaworu of the Seashore. The ocean. From which
all living things came. But him? He doubted he could be
classified as such. And the salt water. It stung at the scars.
A constant reminder of what he was.
"Do you enjoy this, Shinji?" Kaworu asked, floating
on his back, eyes closed against the bright warm sunlight. He
held Shinji?s hand in his own, telling him though touch that
he would always be beside him should he need help.
"It is nice. It?s very relaxing. I feel like I am
free... Without any constrictions, any weight on my
shoulders," Shinji answered in a voice barely audible above
the sound of the waves.
A sudden large wave rolled beneath them. Its force
barrelled under the two children, moving them with the sharp
flow of the water. Kaworu was unaffected by it, but Shinji
lost his balance on the surface of the water, and sank into
it, kicking water high up into the air and flapping his arms
trying to resurface.
With a gentle laugh, Kaworu pulled him up to the
surface, holding him by the waist and lower back. Shinji
laughed nervously, being so close to the Fifth Child once
again. Without consciously realising, Shinji?s hands had
moved up Kaworu?s back to the scars, tracing them with his
fingers. The other boy visibly flinched, Shinji?s touch
sending pleasurable, yet at the same time unpleasant, shivers
down his spine.
As if his fingers had been burnt, Shinji snatched his
hands away, gasping. "I?m sorry, Kaworu! I didn?t mean to do
that..." Shinji stuttered, backing away from the other boy
standing in the water.
Kaworu let his arms drop back into the caressing
waters, and looked into Shinji?s guilt ridden face. "No, it
is alright, Shinji. They no longer hurt me. That area is just
more sensitive than others." To reassure the Third Child, he
smiled warmly, and pulled him into a close embrace, kissing
his cheek and eye lids.
"But Kaworu... How did...?" Shinji murmured against
the red eyed boy?s ear.
"They are from an operation I had when I was a child.
It was nothing. Please, Shinji, do not worry yourself over
it," Kaworu whispered before covering the dark haired boy?s
mouth with his own.
So involved with their passionate and loving kiss,
neither saw the beach ball flying towards them, nor heard the
warning cries. Dropping from the air, the huge blown up and
brightly coloured beach ball hit both the pilots on the head
with a bonk, shocking them out of their intimate embrace. Both
fell back into the water, more that slightly distorted in
vision.
"I?m sorry, I?m sorry!" Minako exclaimed as the whole
group half ran and swam over to the couple who were now
floating in the water, twitching.
With the help of Makoto and Rei, the two pilots
climbed to their feet. Kaworu smiled kindly and was about to
speak when something distracted him.
"Usagi, could you please watch over Shinji?" the
Fifth Child asked, barely looking at the concerned Moon
Princess for a reply before hurrying out of the water towards
the quiet beach.
"What was all that about?" Makoto asked, still holding
the out-of-it Shinji in her arms.
"I don?t know, but were those two just kissing?"
Minako asked bluntly.
All five Senshi looked at Shinji in Makoto?s arms.
The boy just slid down into the water, face very red,
embarrassment written all over his features.
Only the roar of the waves crashing on the rocks now.
No other sounds. But Endymion did not stop his endless walk.
His eyes were blank, fixed on nothing, but staring at all
that crossed his path.
"Do you think running away will ever solve your
problems?"
The voice from behind startled him. But he should
have excepted the Fifth Child to follow him.
"Do you think loving that child now will cause him
less pain when you betray him?" Endymion shot back, turning
sharply and glaring with dark blue eyes at the red ones that
looked upon him with such sadness and pity. "Do not speak to
me, Tabris. I need no advise from an Angel."
"It is strange you should say that, Prince Endymion.
Did you not pray for guidance once?" Kaworu asked softly,
standing with his hands by his side, some distance away from
the Prince of Darkness.
"Yes, once! And when I needed it, there was no answer,
no sign! I was left to suffer alone, Tabris. So do not speak
to me of praying to your God. Now let me be!" Endymion shouted
at the child.
"You search for peace. In your blindness, you seek
death, believing it is peace. Death may be the only absolute
freedom, but the peace you search for is not death. In many
ways, you have already found what you look for, Prince
Endymion. Are you so blind you can not see?" Kaworu asked,
never flinching at Endymion?s harsh and cold words.
"Shut up, Angel! Do not taunt me with such words. Yes,
I am blind! What do you except me to do? Beg you to tell me
what it is I seek? Just shut your mouth, Kaworu Nagisa, and
leave me alone," Endymion almost growled, his voice heated,
filled with frustration.
"I only wish you to find your peace. No being should
be made to live without love. That is worse than betrayal.
That is worse than a tortured death. And that is what your
life is," Kaworu said sadly, his smile gone now, replaced by
an infinitely sorrowful expression.
There was that feeling welling up again. Almost as if
he would break down suddenly and cry, or perhaps his heart
would split. His mind was screaming, ?don?t care for me!
Don?t feel sorry for me! Don?t love me!?. But why? Because he
was afraid of pain, of rejection. Of caring for another and
never having it returned. Instantly though, his coldness
locked that away. A calm like ice stole over his heart and
soul.
Endymion smiled coldly at the Fifth Child, the
Seventeenth Angel. "I only wish you will not feel as much
pain when you betray your lovely Shinji as you felt when they
severed your wings."
The boy flinched. Flash of dark memories. Blinding
pain. His own screams as they had torn his wings, his very
limbs from his body. That wet ripping sound echoed in his
ears. The warmth of his own blood running down his back and
his heated tears down his face. ?To make you human,? they
had said. ?So you can do what you must.? Physically he felt
sick, as if throwing up could cleanse his body of these
memories. Kaworu shut his eyes and smiled sadly.
"Your words do not hurt me." A lie. "They only show
how pained your soul is. You attack me to seek for yourself
some comfort knowing I may feel some pain. But as you know,
I am an Angel. And I can not feel pain." Another lie. "Only
sadness. Only regret. And eternal love." The Fifth Child
turned, meaning to go, but stopped. "I am sorry that I will
break the Third Child?s heart and trust. And I am sorry that
in turn, I will hurt Serenity. But it is my destiny to unite
with Adam. And they will not feel any pain after that. But
unfortunately, you will."
Too shocked, too angry. No words passed Endymion?s
mouth as the Fifth Child walked away from him, back towards
the one he loved. Back towards comfort, joy, happiness. Was
this jealously he felt? That he could not know, nor even
understand what that child did? No, not child. Angel.
His last words. Meant to torment him. Why? Kaworu
knew what and who Endymion was. Thus he knew Endymion had the
power to stop what he meant to do. Then why anger him so
deliberately? It made no sense. Nothing that boy said made
sense. Or maybe he was just misunderstanding everything.
That would be nothing new. How he hated all of this. How he
wanted to just destroy all in sight.
All except her.
A smile to his lips that touched his eyes.
No matter what state of mind, not matter how black
the soul, a single thought of her and all would be washed
clean. For an instant, there was no bitterness, no hatred.
There was contentment at merely thinking of her, of seeing
her in his mind?s eye.
Torn again. Confusion again. Hate and fear tearing at
one side. And the Princess of the Moon embracing the other.
He no longer understood himself. Not that he ever had.
Her conscience stung at her, a tiny voice yelling at
her for following the boy with the twin scars upon his back
to his meeting with Prince Endymion. Now her ears were filled
with pain at the words that had passed between the two, and
the sorrow that welled in her soul threatened to overwhelm
her.
But no matter how much sadness she felt, nor how much
she wanted to cry for the two pilots and the Prince of
Darkness, she could not remain where she was, hiding in the
sand duns. Even now the Fifth Child was turning to go. Should
he pass her, then surly he would know she had heard all that
had been said. So quickly now, like a petty thief, she stole
away, her two long streamers of golden hair flying out behind
her as she dashed back towards the main group.
The voices in his head whispered. Soft dry breezes
stirring his memories and thoughts. Try as he might, he could
not ignore them for much longer. Another day, and they would
force him to do that act. They would make him betray the
Third Child and any others he had befriended. And they would
then tell him to unite with Adam, the so called First Angel.
Tabris wanted that. To return to the one from which
he came. Tabris felt the pull and wanted more than life
itself to feel his soul merge back into the being from which
he had been created.
But Kaworu did not. Kaworu asked did he have the
right to destroy all of mankind by doing so. Kaworu demanded
to know why he must do such a thing. He did not want to hurt
the Third Child. He loved Shinji too much now, and he loved
mankind and their culture as a whole.
That was why Kaworu had said the last words. Yes,
their use was to anger Prince Endymion. Perhaps if the Prince
of Darkness was hurt and pained enough, he would kill him.
And if he was dead, then Tabris would not be able to complete
his little task. Thus mankind would be saved from the Angels,
if not from themselves.
Night again. The darkness always brought some
discomfort to him. Dinner had come and gone, and Setsuna had
delivered his tuxedo into his room whilst he had been at the
ocean with the others. The day had been so enjoyable. He
could not really remember a time when he had felt so happy
and content. Usagi and her friends made him feel so at home,
as if he almost belonged here. And of course, there was
Kaworu. Even the thought of him made him blush.
The Third Child laid on his back, lying upon the bed
with which he had shared with the Fifth Child last night,
smiling slightly. Despite everything though, he could not
help but feel a sense of forbidding. Any kind of happiness he
felt never seemed to last... And just the thought of losing
Kaworu now was horrifying disturbing. When the next Angel
attacked, what would happen? Asuka was still in the hospital,
and Rei?s Unit 00 had been destroyed. Would Kaworu pilot
Unit 02? But Shinji did not want to think about that. In
truth, he hated piloting the Evangelions.
A polite knock on the door that adjoined his room to
Kaworu?s sounded.
"Come in," Shinji called out, without rising from his
position.
"Resting, Shinji?" Kaworu asked, walking with silent
footsteps to where the Third Child laid.
"Yeah," Shinji replied, looking up with a smile at
the Fifth Child. "It was a great day. Thanks for making it so,
Kaworu. You are a wonderful friend... And more."
Kaworu smiled, leaning over the other boy and brushing
his lips on Shinji?s. "No, Shinji. Thank you for giving me
such joy," Kaworu answered softly. A comfortable silence fell
before Kaworu spoke again. "I came to tell you that Usagi has
informed me that they are holding the ball tomorrow night. We
will meet the Outer Senshi then. Do you know them well?"
"No... I?ve only battle with them once. And they left
as soon as it had concluded," Shinji answered, sitting up and
looking solemnly into the red eyes possessed by the other boy.
"Kaworu... I really do not want for the next Angel to attack.
I don?t want to leave. Here, on the moon, with Usagi and her
friends, and you, I have known the first true happiness since
my Mother died..."
Kaworu did not reply. He looked away.
"Kaworu... Did I say something wrong? I didn?t mean
to upset you..." Shinji apologised.
"You should not assume that you are always wrong,
Shinji. If you do, there are those who would use that against
you," Kaworu said softly. "But no, I am not upset. It is
merely that I do not want our time here to end either. But
unfortunately, it must, and it will soon." The sadness in his
voice was unmistakable.
Shinji could only stare at the grey haired boy. It was
as if he knew what would and must happen. And that scared him.
Kaworu looked at him again, smiling warmly, as if
their previous conversation had never taken place. "I think,
what would do both of use good, and refresh our weary bodies,
is a nice shower and bath together." With that, Kaworu pulled
Shinji off the bed and towards the bathroom.
Night was slipping into day, yet she still could find
no peace in comforting sleep. The knowledge she had acquired
today haunted her, kept her awake, lying there on her silken
sheets.
Kaworu Nagisa. Shinji?s best friend. An Angel. Their
enemy.
What could she do, knowing this? She understood his
position, why he must complete his task. She understood why
Endymion wished for death, and why he would not kill the
Seventeenth Angel. But could she just let this slid? Take no
notice and watch humanity be erased from the Earth? And the
answer was no, because they had sworn to protect Mankind.
Kill the last Angel. Or watch a race be destroy.
That was the choice. And time for making a decision
was running out.
End Part One, Chapter Five.