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Tuesday May 7, 2013 8:05 AM

Dear Abby: My granddaughter and her boyfriend live in another state, and I love hearing from
her. When I call her, however, she always puts me on speaker phone — which I find rude.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

— Private Grandma in Florida

Dear Private: I don’t think so. Not every word that comes out of your mouth should be community
property. The next time it happens, all you have to do is say, “Honey, take me off the speaker,
please.”

Dear Abby: My wife, “Carlene,” is a neonatal nurse in the intensive care unit who is required to
work a certain number of holidays. For the past 12 years, her family has feigned attempting to
accommodate her schedule and then planned holiday events at the same exact time and place as the
year before.

For example, last Thanksgiving they once again made a big deal about everyone sending their
schedules via email. We responded that Carlene would have to work until 3 p.m. Shortly after, we
received a call from the host, who said: “We know you can’t make it, but the celebration will be at
12 sharp. Maybe we'll see you some other time.”

My wife thinks she is unimportant to everyone. She plans to stop attending family events and
celebrate only with me and our daughter. I know it probably isn’t the best solution. Should I
support her decision, or is there some answer I haven’t thought of yet? — Let Down in Texas

Dear Let Down: Your wife should make no decisions about future celebrations while she is
angry.

On those occasions when it isn’t possible to attend extended family gatherings, celebrating with
immediate family seems like a sensible solution.

Your wife might have self-esteem issues that need to be addressed if she is taking this
personally. As a nurse caring for the most fragile of infants, she is doing important work that
should be respected. Please tell her to remind herself of that fact anytime she feels “unimportant”
because her efforts make the difference between life and death.

Dear Abby: I got pregnant by a man I’ll call “Ryan,” who was just a fling. When I told him, he
told me to have an abortion.

Instead, I decided to “abort” Ryan from my life. I never told him when our baby was born. Part
of me feels bad. Another man has been willing to step up and be a daddy for my child.

Should I even bother to let Ryan know? Should I give him a chance to rise to the occasion or
keep things the way they are?

— Living My Life in Indiana

Dear Living Your Life: This is really a question you should ask a lawyer, just in case Ryan has
already risen as much as he intends to. Whether or not someone has stepped up to be your baby’s
daddy, Ryan has a financial obligation to the child.