Chav can be a noun, verb or an adjective. As in “you shitty scum chav”, or “Hey I like the way you have chavved up ya car/wardrobe/lifestyle/language” etc.

The origins of the word itself are unclear and there are a few theories, perhaps all of them correct. Nonetheless, the current criteria for being a chav applies as laid out in this dictionary and no doubt, as culture dumbs-down even more, the definition will need to be updated. Chavs will no doubt eventually, despite their in-bred lack of intelligence, cotton-on to the fact that burberry and it’s current associations foster great hatred and negativity amongst the majority of the population. This factor however, could backfire, as Chavs could consider the perpetuation of hatred and negativity as a great contribution to humanity, even if it is directed towards themselves from others.

The most recent example of a celebrity Chav is Kenzie in Big Brother. (I can’t remember the name of the boy-band he is in – so uncool – but I know it had the word “Crew” or “Squad” whatever, in the name). In fact, Kenzie actually said “no” initially to being in the BB house, but when he thought long and hard about it, decided to say yes as the word “brother” as in, “bruv-va” or “bruv” for short, sounded cool and he thought it would really do wonders for his street-cred. Kenzie is actually white, but to see his clothes and hear him speak, you would think he is black.

Chavism represents a cultural link with the Trailer Park Trash in The States which is actually a sub-culture of black America. They both inspire each other. The lower the common denominator they appeal to, the cooler they are! Both of these cultural factions are represented by the highly evolved people picked to appear on the “Jerry Springer” show. Due to the speed of the transmission of information in modern times ex. Internet, TV etc, cultures very quickly pick up bits from other cultures, bounce off each other, and this happens at such a rate that no-one exactly knows who originated what. But as society has evolved, and that is the key word, “evolved”, chavism did not happen overnight but evolved as culture dumbed-down and it became clear that it was not “cool” to aspire to anything other than basic animal appetites (for junk food, sex, cheap bling etc). Perhaps devolved is a better word!

Jordan is the ultimate aspiration of female Chavs. She is actually much more stupid than the average Chavette which is why they (chavettes) admire her so much. She is actually now trying to pull herself out of the Chav-pit she has made for herself by writing a book about herself, no doubt mostly really ghost-written by someone else, paid for from the proceeds of all the modelling jobs she has done which evolve around her flubber-inflated chest (but isn’t she a great business woman- fuckin what?), and is trying to appear in “serious” programmes such as Book Award Ceremonies. Unfortunately, she is still seriously boring as she has neglected her mind in favour of her chest , hoping that the more silicone she has pumped into those tits, the more self-esteem and intelligenceshe will attain and therefore rather than work hard and learn, just go see the surgeon again. Easy!! Her tits have now become self-funding entities (get it?) in their own right.

A chav joke would be, "What are the first words a chav baby says to its single parent?" Answer: "What are YOU looking at??" or: "If there are two chavs in a car and no loud music playing, what kind of car is it?" Answer: "A police car."

The disastrous result of bog weed mating with Jordan on a massive scale. They dress in a uniform of tracksuits and assorted pikey jewelrey found in the homes of elderly people and cattle sheds. The typical male chav is loud,weedy and barely coherant. He is also racist, homophobic, and anti-semitic, while simultaeously worshipping Ali G, a jew dressed up as a black man, and other people who live lives different to themselves. This is thecase for most chavs. Female chavs are jaundiced, ill educated, perpetualy inseminated and privy to the Croydon Facelift hairstyle, where the hair is pulled back so tight that their eyes are placed some 3 inches above their scalps, and Ugg boots worn with very short pleated skirts, revealing their flabby doughlike limbs. Female chavs are so devoid of taste that this style will be mantained if the girl in queston weighs 300 pounds and has an unhealthy 5 o'clock shadow surrounding her thighs. Chavs hunt in packs, picking on people superior to them in every way or form, explaining their maurauding pensioner-slapping antics with th words, 'i has a learnin' difficulty blud, innit'. These words will be accompanied by the pungent odour of a homemade stick of 'ganga' which is usually comprised of table salt and the remnants of last nights microwaved chicken tikka masala.
Chavs live in their 'cribs' or Council Rented Iredeemably Basic Shacks. They are usually tastefully decorated with 1970's style brown wallpaper, and as many tv sets as they can afford. A 12 inch 'Plasma' tv is likely to be Johnny Chavs' most treasured possession, surpassed only by his 'maxed out' 1987 Nova in terms of 'mintness'.
The typical chav listens to bland-as-shite RnB and rap, the male Chav looking up to whatever dumbass has got hold of a microphone this month, and the Chavette idolising the perpetual bint-in-mask-like-makeup on the front pages of Bebo.
If you do see a chav, it is considered the kindest thing to end it's pathetic existence as quickly as possible, preferably with the sharp edge of the new Kanye record, or irony's sake.

A chav... is a strange creature that was not born in that way but was mutated at some point during their life into a burbary wearing, fast food scoffing, cigarette smoking monster who has no ambitions or dreams other than acting hard , having sex with any woman no matter how fugly and getting wasted ever Saturday off cheap cider...

Appearance: Usually they are easy to spot, aged around 8-18 (because after that age they get a grip), they usually wear burbary, or cheap imitation tracksuits with their trouser legs tucked into their imitation Nike or Adidas trainers. Usually the chav women have long hair tied in a side ponytail, so much makeup that you'd need a chisel to get it off and 2 times out of 10 they are pregnant. Often they have greasy skin and ridden with acne.

Habitat: Often they inhabit small dwellings on council estates in Britain and are very territorial, often hanging around their neighborhood, intimidating passers by and discussing "fitbirds" in their strange, ever changing language.

If there was a rare case of anybody actually Wanting to find chavs, for catching or hunting, the best place would probably be outside shops, in parks or in a place where people will have to walk through them or around.

The social structure of chavs can be greatly compared that of a Meercat. Often hanging out in groups of about 4-20 sometimes with one on the lookout for pigs. Despite acting hard and agressive making sounds such as "aare yuu startin bellend" or "aaare'll smash uur edd in" they are surprisingly timid creatures and unless they heavily outnumber you for example 20 to 1 they will usually just "scarper" at the first sign of conflict.

The first sign of this epidemic was in Chatham in kent where parents noticed their children becoming deformed, voices changing, skin becoming greasy and sense of fashion slowly degrading. Slowly it crept across the country now the whole of Britain is knee deep in "bellsniffs".