I have honestly reached a point where I am tired of opening my mouth to communicate with some.

Some really need to learn that a “no” means a “no”, not a “yes”, not anything else. Just take today in the lab for example, I was working on the code, while another guy friend is done. So, he turned over and said excitedly “Come and have a look”. Of which, I told him I am busy and still working on my code. He kept doing it for a couple of times, giving my chair a shake and just wouldn’t take “NO” for an answer. Look! Which part of my reply did you not comprehend?

I was busy working on my code, and I did not want to have a look at your code, because there wasn’t any point in doing so. That would have meant looking at the solution.

SERIOUSLY?

This is why I am so tired at the end of each day. Not only do I have to deal with research, my other commitments, there are also guys like such to deal with.

I think I am starting to resemble what is described in this post on “Turning 30 by Andy Rooney” in many ways, which isn’t a bad thing.

apart from this, this is something else I am trying to practise/force upon myself these days.

think more, listen more, talk less. wisdom is one of the rarest commodities these days.

I have become a lot noisier over the years, partly due to work experience where I was trained to present and “defend” my work. Or, perhaps it’s just Canberra. I miss the meaningful conversations in life, the times where I can remain silent, listen and process my thoughts. Give me that anytime, over having to argue in conversations, just because some people just can’t hold normal conversations here in Canberra.

Whatever it is, most of the people in college aren’t going to be seeing much of me these days. I figured that if I need to put in much, much, much more effort and hours to submit in June 2013, no later than that. With 24 hours a day, time is better well spent on the PhD, meaningful conversations, and people that matters.

On a different note, I’m pretty pleased with my run in the gym last night – 2.4km in 15 minutes. Nothing fantastic, but it’s been 2 weeks since my last run. It’s time to start training for this Mother’s Day Classic 10km run that Kas and I are planning to enter, and hopefully the Gold Coast Half Marathon in July.

I suppose I have been eating a fair bit of crap food today as well, way past the amount of food I usually take. Sure, it’s still below the number of calories I should be consuming to maintain my current weight. But, I am feeling way too full

So, I really need to be eating less tomorrow, and just stick to the diet.

For now, I really need a nap before I start on work again. And, I have absolutely no idea why I have been feeling so tired! Perhaps it’s the bad sleep I have been getting.

Over the past one month or so since I submitted that thesis proposal, I’ve been feeling very restless and somewhat lost in my research. I’ve been asked to work on my code to make it converge, which I managed to do so. Next, I’ve been asked to work on the literature review to narrow down the question for my first paper even further. However, I’ve been stuck on reading, with not a single word written. I’ve been largely uninspired. I don’t know why. I’m somewhat a really “hands-on” person, which I suppose makes me an applied macroeconomist/econometrician.

Part of that restlessness in me is probably due to other matters in life such as just starting on two tutoring jobs, still auditing a few courses here and there, and so on. What I need is to learn to prioritise, work harder, put in more hours, and cut out the unnecessary things in life. I am still trying and let’s hope I have more productive weeks from this week onwards. I can still make this work, and have my first paper done by end July.

I know I am putting a fair bit of pressure on myself. But, I honestly would like to submit in June 2013 as a deadline.

From now onwards, I am going to try to stay in the office till around 9 to 10pm everyday, and get more work done given how much time is lost to tutoring and stuffs.

Isn’t it funny how I crave for company here in Canberra, yet I really don’t have the time for it? I still feel lonely in Canberra from time to time, and crave for company and good meaningful conversations. At the same time, I just don’t have the time for social activities. I still have my social activities, but just not really the ones I want. It’s here in Canberra that I realised that I do like dancing from time to time, apart from running. It’s in 2011 that I realised that I am actually over and done with going to clubs and pubs, and alcohol in general. It’s also in 2011 that I realise the side of me that enjoys meaningful conversations over coffee, and just chilling out with one or two others still exist. I’m glad, just when I thought I had undergone a huge change here.

I suppose I will just leave things as they are. Almost certainly, people around me are going to start seeing less of me, particularly in college. I’ve gone to my fair share of events this year, trying to know new people. But, to be absolutely honest here, I’ve been really lazy in knowing new people. It’s just too much effort, particularly when I know each and everyone of them are going to graduate before I do. People come and go, and I will still be here.

These days, I also find myself trying to remind myself of why I am here in Canberra – to complete my PhD.

That restlessness in me is making me lose sleep. I was so tired that I crashed and slept for 3 hours in the evening out of sheer exhaustion.

On another note, we have started Autumn really cold. It’s currently around 7 degrees. It’s a little too cold for an Autumn night. I sure hope the weather warms up a little. I am not ready for a bitterly cold winter. For a place that doesn’t snow, Canberra does get really cold in Winter. I remembered we hit -5 degrees on a couple of nights.