The Gift That Keeps on Giving

For Father's Day, how about a souvenir of Illinois politics?

With Chicago hosting the “Summer of Rod Blagojevich” festival at the exclusive Federal Courthouse Bar & Grill, Blago gear couldn’t be more topical. Many such gifts are on the market, but none will enable dad to keep the Gov in constant view like these comfortable shoes. (Zazzle, $72)

If your dad always wanted to pal around with Chicago aldermen but didn’t have the brains or the charisma, this teddy bear would
make a good companion. (Cafe Press, $18)

Speaking of palling around, you remember how President Barack
Obama used to pal around with Bill Ayers? Now your dad can wear
a portrait of Ayers on his thigh. Let’s hope he doesn’t get stripsearched at the airport, though. (Cafe Press, $16)

If your dad is as communist as Bill Ayers, or just a weirdo who misses his cold war lifestyle (everything was so much simpler then!), this Warsaw Pact helmet will have him singing “The Internationale” with joy. (Poland by Mail, $19.95)

War is sad, isn’t it? America has many wars under way, in Afghanistan and Iraq, and the war against the oil on all the birds, and the war on unemployment. It’s enough to make a man cry. If your dad has taken all the bad news to heart, this couch-shaped tissue box will help him keep his Kleenex stash dry and secure. The box has an ironic Chicago Bears design that challenges masculine stereotypes. Grr! (Etsy, $14)

Like dad, Rahm Emanuel is half-sensitive, half-macho. Remember how he used to dance ballet? But he will also cut a bitch with his sharp and vulgar tongue. Emanuel’s proud of his manhood, and is reputed to magically appear naked in people’s showers to tell them what he wants them to do. This “lobby naked” T-shirt commemorates Emanuel’s extraordinary talent. It’s not clear who Emanuel is talking to in the picture, or why he is lobbying naked in a suit. Must be a “Beltway” thing. (Zazzle, $19.95)

Ugh, Washington is full of devils, isn’t it? That’s why the Tea Party exists, to bring Real America back. This Teabagger sign will help dad bring the country one step closer to liberty and freedom, amen (and it’s on sale!). (Tea Party Patriots, $8.95)

Returning to state-level politics: Does your dad live in Illinois somewhere? If so, he belongs to the Madigans, because everyone in Illinois does! It’s what makes us unique as a people. Illinois dads are eligible to wear this T-shirt. (Cafe Press, $17.50)

Has your dad told you which guy he wants to replace Roland Burris as Illinois’ junior senator? There are only two choices so far this year: Republican Mark Kirk, who fought for Poland in World War II, and Democratic state treasurer Alexi Giannoulias. Mark Kirk is “rated R,” for his (made-up) wartime violence (Cafe Press, $17.50) . . .

. . . while Giannoulias has merged with Blagojevich to become the worst politician ever, basically. (Cafe Press, $190/50)

Everything always comes back to Blagojevich, doesn't it? Yes, because he is Chicago's most special gift ever, to the whole nation. Happy Father’s Day, America!

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