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Well friends, Christmas has come and gone and tomorrow night is new years. I gave it a few extra days because of Snowmageddon and all the delayed mail and frantic postal workers trudging through five feet of snow, however, I can deny it no longer. Santa failed to write me back this year. I took the time to painstakingly hand write such a lovely letter and I received no return post from the North Pole. Fail Santa…epic fail.

I checked the mail eagerly every day after work, but alas, the dream was not to be. My boxspring still droops where it somehow was broken, Mr. Pip cannot open his own cans of food and the boyfriend has no belted sweater to call his own. I hope that he had time to write all the little kids who wouldn’t understand his lack of dedication to his fans so they can go one more year with that total belief and excitement, but I myself am saddened. Perhaps next year, friends.

I do plan to try again next year, hopefully not hindered by a freak snow storm and I’ll be sending the letter out well in advance of Christmas.

So today I wrote my letter to Santa Clause and will be sending it out in the mail tomorrow. I chose a very lovely stationary with snowflakes and Christmas trees. It ended up taking 3.5 pages but not because I’m greedy. My handwriting is atrocious and very big, so it takes up a lot of room on unlined paper. Below is a picture of the finished letter and a translation underneath so you can see what I wrote.

My very pretty letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

I know that it’s been a while since I wrote you a letter, probably almost twenty years, but it’s never too late to catch up, right?
How are the reindeer? Are the elves surviving these hard, economic times? I hope so, they always seemed like such a jolly lot.
Anyway, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, so here is the list of things I was kind of hoping to get for Christmas.

A new boxspring for my bed. It was damaged in a freak accident and now my side of the bed dips. This makes for a most uncomfortable sleep at night.

A pug named GIR so the Peep can have a friend and stop torturing the boyfriend on a daily basis.

Fuzzy dice to hang from the rearview mirror in my car. Because Bob the Car is just that classy.

A belted sweater for the boyfriend because I can’t find them anywhere. His favourite colour is orange.

Another Snuggie. I know that I already have one, and I love the way it’s warmth and coziness invades me while it steals my soul, but I can get cold at work and would like to have one there as well.

I’d really like someone to make a She-Ra movie. There are no good cartoons left in the world and that was one of the best and greatest roll models for girls and she was the best. Boys got a He-Man movie and I’m still waiting for my She-Ra film. I’m sure you have connections in Hollywood and can make this happen.

By the way, since he doesn’t have opposable thumbs, Mr. Peep would like cat food that is easily opened so he doesn’t have to wait until the boyfriend and I get up to eat his tasty breakfast. Because, trust me, Mr. Peep is not impressed with his humans sleeping in.

I know that this is a very nerd-like request, but please bring back Buffy and Firefly. Please????

A new duvet would be lovely because the boyfriend stole mine two years ago and I haven’t been able to snuggle into it’s pillowy goodness ever since. I miss my duvet, Santa, a lot and I’d be very appreciative to have another one. We don’t share blankets very well, so no, that is not an option.

Lastly, Santa, I would like a winter coat. I used to have several and somehow, they have all disappeared. It may be the boyfriend’s way of getting me to buy a new coat as the old ones were ten years old. I live in Southwestern Ontario. It’s freaking cold here and the moderately rated one I have isn’t really cutting it.

So, in closing, I would like to thank you for your time and tell you that its been wonderful writing you a letter again after so long. I hope your trip is good this year and Merry Christmas to you.