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Forget me not: Stuart Heritage's hour on Forgotify

There are 4 million songs on Spotify that have never been played. To shake up the musical graveyard, Stuart Heritage wades into the unknown to discover some surreal Christmas tracks, German men shouting and a ballad about internal organs

One of the great thrills of being a certain type of music fan is uncovering something that’s new. Something that nobody else has ever heard. Something that’s yours. If you’re that sort of person, Forgotify is the answer to your prayers. In theory.

There are four million unheard songs on Spotify. Four million lonely works of art that people have poured their hearts into, and all for nothing. Forgotify is a new site that scans Spotify for songs with a zero rating and randomly presents them to users. Once a song’s been listened to, it’s crossed off the list until, presumably, everything’s been heard.

It's a lovely idea. In theory. Because, of course, there’s a chance that every single one of Forgotify’s ignored masterpieces is actually a giant wad of unlistenable cack. To find out, I spent an hour on Forgotify to see what it threw up. Here’s what I found.

Cottonwood - Pacoy

A vaguely pleasant, determinedly 1970s Allman Brothersish Southern rock number about ‘pioneers of the future’. Better than I expected, but nowhere near as interesting as the album sleeve, where four bearded longhaired in flares jump over a metal chain.

Twenty two seconds of a German man shouting. About Christmas, I guess.

Müserref - Gün Batarken Gel

On the plus side, this is less than two minutes long. On the down side, it’s generic muzak. On the plus side, the album cover suggests that the singer is Zuul from Ghostbusters. On the down side, she appears to be trying to murder me telepathically.

Rabindranath Tagore: Tumi Jato Bhaar Diyechho Rituparna Tah

This is a find. Rabindranath Tagore was the first non-European to win the Nobel Prize for Literature, and gained a knighthood in 1915 before handing it back four years later. According to Wikipedia, at least, “his songs are widely popular and undergird the Bengali ethos to an extent perhaps rivalling Shakespeare's impact on the English-speaking world”. Accordingly, this is a very beautiful song, ending in what sounds like (but probably isn’t) a prayer. The first Forgotify song that I’ve bothered to star.

This is 27 seconds long. It took me longer to write the song title than it did to actually listen to it, which seems counterproductive.

Nilo Espinosa y su Orquesta - Cumbia de la Madrugada

Much better. If the music – a lively, if generic latin number – doesn’t appeal, then the album sleeve certainly will. Almost the best photograph of a man posing in his garden with a saxophone and a baby on a pouf that I have ever seen. Starred.
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Affinity: We Wish you a Merry Christmas

The second Christmas song in less than ten minutes, although this barely even counts as a Christmas song. It’s a muffled minute-long busked waltz by a gang of incompetents recorded at a sparsely-populated concert 49 years ago. After 15 seconds, the song stops. After 20 seconds the singer has berated the guitarist for playing in the wrong key. After 40 seconds the crowd starts chanting about how rubbish he is. Then there’s an apology and it ends. Not essential.

French Kiss: Ballade pour Jérémy

Dear god, this is awful. It’s like the sort of syrupy guitar instrumental that Jimmy Nail probably listens to right before he tries to have it off with you. No.

Nadja PaganKreativ System: Strange Silence

There’s a chance that people have tried to listen to this song before, but haven’t got past the first five seconds. It sounds like Nadja PaganKreativ System were early pioneers of electronic music, but nobody remembers them because everything they ever recorded sounds like an underwater bathtub electrocution. One song on their album is called They Were OK But Not For You, which seems like a fitting obituary. I’m starting to miss songs with tunes.

Bodywork - National Youth Music Theatre Cast: Life Passes Me By

Hey, a ballad about an appendix from a youth production of a 1980s Richard Stilgoe play about internal organs. How has nobody ever listened to this before? “I haven’t had so much as a backward glance,” it goes, “Since you were a caveman, eating plants”. Starred the whole album.

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