I hear parents all the time proclaim, “I’d do anything for my child on the spectrum.”

Heck, we say it too. And we all do, right?

We spend hours, days, weeks, months, YEARS, supporting… advocating… caring for… loving… sometimes even tussling – like when our kids DO NOT want to go to therapies… or brush their teeth… or, well… SO MANY other things….

Sometimes it can feel like every minute of every day (and deep in to the night and early morning) we’re on “constant call” just in case something goes awry.

So yeah, we WOULD do anything for our kids on the spectrum… and our typical kids… and our families. We ALREADY do.

But what do we do when we’re asked to invest what we don’t have? Like what happened to us a few years back. Continue reading →

There I was, standing next to my car, with my keys in my front pocket, ready to leave my family and NEVER come back.

I was angry, I was frustrated, I was hurt. “This isn’t what I signed up for” I screamed internally.

There was nothing I could do. My family was failing, nothing I had tried was working.

I had no choice.

IF…

I was to have ANY chance at happiness, it would not be here, it would not be with this incredibly dysfunctional “slaves to autism” family. It didn’t seem possible under these circumstances. Continue reading →

I’ll admit it. I am a flawed human being. But I’m trying my best. It feels like I always have. Of course, I’m guessing most people would SAY that. But until I had two sons that were diagnosed with autism, and I knew they really needed the “best” me I could be, I didn’t truly understand the effort I was capable of and to what depths I was willing to go, to give them what they deserved. And I could have never imagined that in doing so, I would find so much joy and growth (and a deeper kind of happiness) in this world. Let me explain: Continue reading →

We don’t get to travel very often because… well… there’s the cost (and we don’t have a lot of discretionary money – for obvious reasons – we have two (2) affected by autism) among our 6 kids and then there’s the even harder issue of… with whom do we leave our kids when we go anywhere? The truth is… trust comes hard with our circumstances.

I meet people all the time that like to TALK the TALK. But rarely do I meet those that WALK the WALK. That’s right, I said it. And it happened again just recently as I met with a group of Dad’s that all had the answers to why “each of the OTHER Dad’s” were struggling even as THEY WEREN’T able to apply the information they know for themselves… and subsequently were unable to find the joy and happiness in their OWN lives and THRIVE as they served.

Yep, they all KNEW they should manage themselves in a way that allowed them to serve their kids best – they knew WHAT to do, but when things got tough, or they got tired, or the “right” buttons were pushed, almost none of them could admit they DID what was best. They almost all admitted they failed to “manage themselves” optimally – even though they knew what they SHOULD have done.

And THAT’S why they were missing out on joy and happiness that was there for the taking; THAT’S why they weren’t THRIVING as they served; and THAT’S why they were meeting with me. They didn’t need to know WHAT to do, they needed to know HOW. Continue reading →

When we experience what may seem to be never-ending difficulty, the emotions we experience – like sorrow, heartache and anguish – can be a natural consequence. It’s natural for those emotions to happen. The purpose of sorrow, heartache, anguish, suffering – or whatever you want to call it – is NOT to make you feel worse – OR to help you feel better. These are just emotions. That’s the way it is.

But in my humble opinion… sometimes people allow these emotions to cause more damage than necessary. Continue reading →

A few weeks back I had a phone conversation with a friend who expressed to me that he was a bit frustrated because his wife was having an extended “tough time.” When I asked for more detail he went on to tell me that recently he had expressed to her (in the most loving way he could – he assured me) that all her screaming and yelling and crying and complaining was over the top and unhelpful and that she may need to think about… somehow… toning it down a bit.

When I asked him how THAT went for him… he said, that SHE said, “I shouldn’t have to watch what I say or do around you. I should be safe to be ‘MYSELF’ and not be judged by you.” Continue reading →