Tuesday, January 23, 2018

When Couples Fight

Arguments
happen. They occur naturally in the course of any human relationship. The
varied differences between people and their opinions make disagreements
inevitable. But when the verbal exchange crosses a certain threshold, things
start to change. This is especially true when hurtful words are used. When this
happens, the relationship begins to sour sometimes irreversibly.

This is true
for any kind of relationship, be it between family and friends. And this
negative effect is even more visible in the case of romantic involvements. It
happens because respect for one another is decreased when painful words are
traded. And when the arguments between a couple grow in frequency and
intensity, there is hardly any understanding left. Further respect is lost
until virtually none remains. Whatever love that used to exist is gradually
replaced by contempt. It may even reach a point where physical pain is
inflicted by one on the other. This is because we tend to hurt the people we
hate.

And when a couple
comes to blows, yet another threshold is breached. The partner who starts using
violence on the other will undergo an unexpected transformation. The violent
partner will abhor the victim even more. This is because we tend to hate the people we
hurt. Instead of feeling guilt for having harmed another human being, we come
to rationalize the pain we inflict. We start believing that the person deserves
it.

This is the
vicious downward spiral of anger, hatred and violence that leads to even more
hatred. It is for this reason that couples who fight keep on fighting. It has
become the routine. Unless the cycle is broken, the fights between a couple
will get worse. To break this cycle, respect between them must be restored. Couples
experiencing this problem may find it necessary to just give each other space
to reflect on what was good and beautiful about the relationship.Sometimes spending time apart will provide
the couple the chance to appreciate each other’s presence. Allowing each other
some time and space alone may even help them recall the reasons why they first
fell in love.