Here we use only sustainable, organic and gluten-free seasonal jokes. Comedy, satire, sports, editor and occasional cooking tips writer, Alex Kaseberg. E-mail to - or if you need to hire a comedy writer - alex.kaseberg@gmail.com
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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Dire Straits - Wild West End + lyrics

Downtown Santa Banana

Sunset over the Santa Banana Harbor

Stepping out to Angelluci’s for my coffee beans, Torn Slatterns and Nugget Ranchers

After the Oscars, Hollywood restaurants are offering the Angelina Jolie Special: it is a hot, saucy and nutty dish with a side of chicken leg.

It has been confirmed one day after the Oscars; Angelina Jolie has been diagnosed with WLS: Wandering Leg Syndrome.

I don’t want to say Rick Santorum is conservative and boring, but his Secret Service codename is “Applebees.”It rained in Southern California. In fact, it rained so hard in Santa Monica, it actually washed a straight guy into a movie theater showing “The Artist.”

I don’t want to say Rick Santorum is boring, but his Secret Service codename is: Rick Santorum.

At the Oscars, Angelina Jolie kept posing with her right leg sticking out of her dress. It caused the most stir at the Oscars of any of Angelina’s appendages since her tongue she shoved down her brother’s throat.

A female student at Western Nevada State is suing her male human sexuality professor for sexual harassment for assigning a masturbation assignment. Whereas a male student is suing for getting assigned the one thing about human sexuality he already understands.In Michigan, Kid Rock performed for and endorsed Mitt Romney; that’s just fine, but I am waiting to see who Lance Bass and Joey Fatone like.

One of the strangest moments during the Oscars for me was when Adele flipped-off Billy Chrystal.

Did you see Angelina Jolie sticking out her leg at the Oscars? Not to be critical, but I have seen more meat on a Buffalo chicken wing after Kirsty Alley got done with it.

Hey, Rick Santorum, you can either hate gay guys or wear a sweater vest, you can’t do both.The sister ship of the capsized Costa Concordia, the Costa Allegra, had to be towed back to Italy. Now there is much concern over their third sister ship: the Costa Paris Hilton. That thing can go down in no time.

Since you asked:

Lex’s dream solo work-project getaway.

Take an early Friday afternoon train from San Diego to Santa Barbara with my board, paddle and laptop. Write on train. Check into a hotel on or near State Street. Rent a car. Write in the hotel room. Saunter down State street listening to Dire Straits “Wild West End” on iPod. Window shop. Check out boutique shoppe for a vintage harmonica.

Have a cocktail at Joe’s. Have dinner at the Fish Enterprise Co. Saunter State Street and people watch. Have a night cap at a quiet bar. Bed.

Get up early and Stand Up Paddle Surf. Shower, breakfast at Esau’s. Have a ball and a biscuit. And a Bloody. Write in room. Write at a coffee shop. Go back to room and write. Go surfing again. Shower. Burger and beer at Durf’s. Back to room for nap. (After surfing twice, beer and burger, no choice here) Wake up and write in room until happy hour.

Saunter State Street listening to Jack Johnson, John Hiatt or Jimmy Buffett on iPod. Drive up to Cold Springs Tavern and have dinner.

Drive back to town. Drinks at a club with a band. Play harmonica with the band. Bed.

Get up and SUP surf. Smoothie. Shower, turn in car, check out and catch train back to San Diego. Write on train. Home in time to catch up with DVR games and grill some Sunday night dinner wif’ fambly.

That, my beloved Slats and Nuggies, in the words of the great Max Von Stock, would not suck.

(Included in additional trips, tour of wineries, golf at Sand Piper with the Snakes, Mark, Billy and John and Mr. Wopat and other assorted Decath and Pentath alum. Dinner at the Hitching Post, ala “Sideways”, invite myself for Tri tip at the Wopats. Beach mussel bake.)