So I am a teacher, and I stay to myself a lot. I really like the people i work with, but I never talk to them outside of school. It’s just at work a little here and there. They are all really great though. Here’s what I’m struggling with: Should I invite them to the wedding? I honestly would love to invite everyone but my venue and guest list is limiting us quite a bit. At the same time, my parents believe based on coworkers always asking me questions about my wedding that I should definitely invite them. But I keep thinking maybe they just ask to be friendly but don’t really want to attend. I would feel terrible if they all sincerely wanted to be invited. My original plan was to not invite any of them because budget is low and I didn’t want to invite some and not others. But now I don’t know if that’s the best option. A. I could invite only certain people. But then i would feel awkward about it because I chose some and not others and honestly I don’t even feel like I know some of them that well that I would want to invite in the first place. And I don’t want them to feel obligated at all. B. I could not invite anyone, with risking getting their feelings hurt. I don’t bring up the wedding, but they often do. I’ve tried to keep it on the DL but I’ve even had people to say “hopefully I’ll be able to make it!” C. I could send the secretary a mass email stating that all are invited and anyone interested in attending should let me know and I will give them a written invite. The con with this is that it might end up causing a lot of people to come. But the pro is that people are invited but it’s more impersonal so they don’t feel obligated at all. HELP!

For our wedding, we had “Invitation Audition Parties”. We threw two parties at our house, one for my coworkers and one for his. Those who did not bother to come were cut from the wedding invite list. Those who came but were really awkward (more of an issue with his coworkers) were also cut from the list. The remaining folks received invitations. On my side, 9 out of 10 attended. On his side, 3 out of 7 attended. It ended up working out really well.

@redherring: Thats interesting. Did your co-workers know that they were auditioning?

FI and I both work for the same company. He’s been there for almost 5 years and I have been there for over 3. Its a large corporation but our departments work closely with each other. Since I deal with his guys on a regular basis and they are all pretty close we chose to invite everyone in his department, plus their wives (8 total). My department is small (3 people) and we’re all pretty chummy so we are inviting each of them with their spouses. In total it adds 14 people to our guest list but we are only having 75 total so we could justify it.

I was always told not to talk about the wedding at work unless your co-workers are invited but if your not the one bringing it up then I think your ok. I personally would definitely not go the mass email route. Thats a little too risky for me.

I would invite the co-workers that you are closest with and the ones that you want to be there, not those that you feel obligated to include.

@UpstateCait: No, as that would have likely skewed the results. Literally all of my coworkers were thrilled to be invited to our house for a party, and every single one of them got a wedding invitation. My husband’s coworkers were a lot more ambivalent, and maybe 10% of them were invited. And especially for our wedding, we only wanted to invite people who were genuinely enthusiastic about being there. (And, for the record, my coworkers had a blast using the photobooth. There might even be a picture of my boss wearing a tiara.)

Wow I am confused as ever lol. Thanks for all your responses but I am getting so many different things that I don’t know where to start! I just feel like if I invite some and not others, how do I decide that? And what if they feel obligated? Won’t some people feel left out? AHHHHH But if I don’t invite any of them, I fear they would be hurt. Since they bring it up a lot I feel like they assume they are invited? I don’t know. It’s a small town where I think the habit is people get together a lot on these gatherings. Any strong opinions? The more comments I get the better~!

@tessa9876 if it’s common for brides at your work to invite everyone, then you need to invite everyone. Go based on the traditions that you’ve noticed. It’s likely not everyone will come, but it needs to be done.

I am trying to decide as well. I don’t talk about the wedding unless someone asks. Then what do you do? I am not close to any in my department. We don’t see eachother after work. I had one person outside my department actually ask to be invited. I like her so I probably will. I thought of inviting a sub committe that I work on but I don’t want to invite all of them, so I think not. I report to too many individuals to simply invite my “boss”. So at this point, I plan to invite only those that I want to and not worry about it. We are at our max on the guest list, so it would be impossible anyway. My FH works for a small business, so we have decided to invite them all as good will.

If you are having a small wedding, I wouldn’t invite anyone. If they asked you about it, just tell them that you are having an intimate ceremony. It sounds like you can’t afford to let everyone come, and I don’t think it’s right to pick favorities since all your coworkers have similar relationships with you. If you had a few coworkers that were your best friends and you see eachother outside work all the time, it would be different.