When you find yourself watching
someone you love disappear, knowing there's not a thing you can do, nothing is
important any more. Everything seems insignificant in contrast but you continue
even if the only thing you want to do is shut out the world. I would've loved
to turn the other way and put it off as just another bump in the road. It
would've so easy, but to turn my back on her would mean betraying everything I
know.

Charlie had become my life. She
means more to me than anyone could begin to imagine and now I had to watch her
waste away. All I could do was hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her,
hoping by chance she'd be able to hear my words. Never knowing for sure.

I reached out and gently
intertwined her lifeless fingers with mine swallowing the lump in my throat.
I've tried to stay strong. I tried, but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop
thinking about her and each time I do I'll break down. Her kiss. Her voice.
Things I knew I'll never know again.

"I've told you this a million
times but I'm going to tell you it a million more so you'll never doubt it," I
said. I stood and leaned down letting my lips graze her forehead. "I love you
Charlie."

I felt tears run down my
cheeks, not caring if anybody saw me. Taking a deep breath I looked down at her
to find tiny droplets trailing down her ghostly pale face, making it look like
she had been crying but I knew she hadn't. They were mine.

"I wish you could hear me," I
murmured, wiping the wetness away with my fingers.

In a moment of weakness I found
myself unable to take it any more. It was killing me. She was so close and yet
so far away. Wearily I backed away, running a hand through my messy hair before
walking out of the room. I couldn't lose it in front of her, whether she'd be
able to hear me or not. I leaned against the wall. After a moment I dragged
myself over to the coffee machine, desperately needing the caffeine to keep me
going.

What should've been a
two-minute trip became much longer. I know this sounds bad but I didn't want to
go back in there. It was just too hard. I've spent so many days by her side, so
many days just watching and it never got any easier. I closed my eyes and fell
back against the wall again unable to find the strength to stand. Everything
around me seemed to have become nothing but a blur, the sounds barely even
registering in my mind. Maybe it was just the fatigue finally taking its toll
but I knew it wasn't. It was the fact that any day now she could slip away and
leave me forever. I felt like a part of me was dying. I felt like I was losing
half of myself.

There was a sudden rush and it
was only barely I heard the sound of heavy footsteps. Turning I saw a few
nurses racing my way. With bated breath I watched them, feeling as if I was
going to be sick. My worst fears were confirmed when I saw them going into the
room I had been in only seconds ago before an announcement for my father was
sent over the speakers. I couldn't move. I couldn't speak. All I could do was
stand there, staring at the closed door.

My father didn't notice me as
he rushed by. He just quickly went into her room giving me a glimpse inside of
the two nurses trying desperately to revive her. The few minutes that flew by
felt like hours and I didn't dare move from my spot. I didn't have to. The door
creaked opened and my father walked out, his head bowed low. When he finally
lifted his eyes he immediately spotted me. No words were exchanged but I knew
instantly what had happened. Before he could say a word I dashed out of there,
not sure where I was headed. I soon found myself outside.

Bent over my knees I felt like
my lungs were going to burst. My stomach churned and what little I've eaten
emptied onto the gardens. Not caring about the bile taste in my mouth I broke
down on the path, the tears flowing uncontrollably down my cheeks. I slammed my
fist into the hard concrete. The pain that shot through my arm nothing compared
to the one eating at my soul. I just lost the woman I loved and I wasn't even
there for her. Like the coward I was I ran away leaving her to die alone in the
hospital bed. I left her.

* * *

The thunder roared as another
strike of lightning lit the dark heavens momentarily bathing my room with
light. I stared up at the ceiling, my eyes unblinking. Sleep had long ago
become foreign to me, more now than ever. Weeks after that fateful day at the
hospital, the day I lost her.

I closed my eyes and as the lightning
flashed once more I heard a soft knock on my door. I quickly sat up as it
creaked open, half expecting it to be Charlie.

"Shawn," Winston called, his
tiny form outlined by what little light there was.

I reached for the lamp and
turned it on. I watched as the little boy ran to my bed closing the door behind
him. I tried to smile but it was a strain to do so.

"I couldn't sleep." He jumped
onto the bed before setting the square tin in his arms down. He looked up at me
and said, "These are Charlie's treasures."

I looked down at it feeling a
stab to my heart at the mention of her name. I watched as he took of the lid,
my eyes running over the little bit and pieces scattered in the box. I picked
up a small photo. Amazingly it was one of her and me as kids, one I never
remembered being taken. Wrapped in my arms was a six-year-old Charlie who was
trying desperately not to cry.

He handed an envelope to me.
Without question I took it, my eyes running over the name scrawled messily on
the front. Shawn. I took a deep breath before ripping it open.

Dear Shawn,

If you're reading this I
guess I'm no longer with you. I hope I get the strength to tell you everything
I wanted, but just in case I wrote this so at least you'll know. I want you to
know how I feel and most of all how much you mean to me.

I wish things didn't have to
be this way. I wish I could be with you but since I can't I hope one day you'll
be able to find someone who'd make you as happy as you've made me. You don't
know how much I wanted to be that girl, the one you'll fall head over heels
for, the one who you can't stop thinking about. Maybe even the one you'll
marry. I guess it wasn't meant to be.

I'm not sure how it happened
but somehow I fell for you. At the time it felt like the most far-fetched thing
in the world and even I couldn't believe it, but the way I feel whenever you're
around tells me all I needed to know. Suddenly all the little things weren't so
little any more. I've never realized until now that every single memory I have
of ever being happy all have one thing in common. You.

It was you who helped me get
through what was probably the toughest period of my life. You were my light, my
heart, my soul and my guardian angel. I guess now it's my turn to be yours.

I love you Shawn.

Always,

Charlie.

The piece of paper fell out of
my hands and I felt my eyes beginning to water. I knew she had written this
before the play, before the revelation that the feelings were reciprocated. I
guess she forgot, but despite the fact things had changed quite a lot since
then, I found myself glad that Win hadn't.

"She'd always be watching over
us," Winston said, he too trying to hold back the tears. "She once told me that
when people die they become angels and that I'll never lose anyone because they'll
always be looking out for me from heaven. All I need to do is look in me and
I'll find them."

I smiled and pulled the little
boy to me in a hug. He was right. I still had her. In my dreams, memories and
heart. I will always love her, remember her and cherish every moment we shared
because that's all I have. It may not be enough or ever come close but it was
better than nothing. It's better than never knowing her at all. Apart of loving
is also losing, but I haven't lost. Charlie would always be mine. In life or
death because I know her love will always belong to me.

THE END

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