attached to mommy!!!

Mandy - posted on 11/18/2009
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my little girl is 4 and half months now and wont go to anyone apart from me, not even to her dad. if i give her to someone else, she will start crying and it really sounds like someone is hurting her untill i take her from them and she is quiet straight away and smiles, giggles and chats!! i jus need a break and im sooo tired. i cant leave her with anyone for more then 5 mins...and babysitting is out of the question now and im desperate to have some time to myself!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

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Jackie - posted on 11/19/2009

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I promise moms this is not only normal but they will out grow it. We are all mammals/animals. A babys only instinct is to survive despite all the things we believe they do. This means being close to the food source and the protection. Since we give majority of the feedings if not 100% and we are the ones who are with them since 9 months BEFORE birth it is only natural for them to want us as close to them as possible. 4 month olds scream for mom because they can. They have a voice they know that cry will make you come to them. And you are suppose to go to them. Its important for their emotional well being and their verbal and non verbal communication later on in life. We know they are safe... they don't know. So you have to calm them and talk to them and figure out what makes them feel safe outside of your arms. My daughter just needed to hear my voice.. but my son needed to be able to see me even if it was from a distance. I made it clear to vistors they couldn't just pick up my son. That if they waited until he came to them there would be no fit or tears. And those who listened bounded quickly with him and those who didn't well some he still has issues with. And remember babys who are tended to right away as infants actually cry less as toddlers *1 and up*. A baby in distress should never be left to "cry it out". It means they aren't being listened to and we all know if you were upset and no one was listening the world would come crashing down around you.

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My daughter was exactly the same from very early on,and stayed like that until I was forced to put her in nursery at a year old - I had to go back to work. It was really hard - heartbreaking. She cried herself hoarse one day and burst a blood vessel in her eye another, but after a few weeks, she got slowly better and is no longer scared by other people. It has honestly been the making of her, and with my next (due in March), I'll be starting the process sooner by leaving her with my family regularly from much earlier, so it is not so distressing for her. It's really very hard, and the distress is real, but if you're going to have to do it (or need to for your own sanity), I reckon it's probably better to start sooner rather than later. Good luck - its horrible, but they need to trust and bond with other people as well as you.

Hey Mandy. My little Ella just finished up a little spell like that. She wouldnt let me walk to the other side of the kitchen. I was even showering with the curtain open and her sitting in her little chair so she could see me. It lasted about 2 months. But I slowly started playing with her around more and more people. So she got used to them. Now she doesn't even care if I leave the room because when she sees Daddy, or Grandpa or Uncle Anthony she knows its time for serious play time.

It will get better. I promise. Its a normal stage of development for them to only want you. I know its frustrating but be honoured that your daughter loves you that much. To her, you're god. (Not to offend anyone for for all purposes you are).

I am totally there with you. The advice below seems really good! Just know you are not alone and you are doing a great job. Time and reasurance is the key. Good luck... for the both of us and all the others going through this!

my daughter was the exact same way for a while. unfortunately it lasted for over a month (which isn't to say your little one will be the same). Over the course of some time, she got used to hanging out with daddy. She's now 7 months old and has gotten a lot better about being with other people but she still prefers me. I understand needing a break but you may just need to give her a little time. Try spending time with her and her daddy (or grandma or whoever will be taking care of her while you get some much needed me-time) and try to keep the focus on that person. It'll comfort her that you're still there but also let her know that the other person is there to care for her too.

are you breastfeeding? if so, it's your smell. her dad smell different from you, and that is a big thing. my daughters the same but not as bad, she'll stay with my sister, i have no problems with that. my daughter is fine with her dad in the mornings, she'll laugh and chat to him, but from when his gone to work and came back home, thats a different story, but he has to shower, change his clothes, then she seems fine.

Hi Mandy,I have gone through something similar with my daughter but I just continued to allow other people I trust to hold and play with her, and when I put her down, I made sure she had things around her to keep her stimulated. I think it's just persistence and letting her cry sometimes as hard as it is, will help the situation in the long-run. Hope this helps :)

My son is 5 mo and daddy just doesn't do it for him. However, over a few weeks my mum can do things for him and he's content. But its taken WEEKS!! My mum comes over and I go upstairs, clean the bedrooms, bathrooms etc...when I hear junior having a meltdown I go downstairs and help soothe from a far. If that didn't work I would then take him just til he calmed down and then passed him directly back to nana. Usually I had to nurse him, but nana burped him etc.

Daddy is fine now to play with for few minutes at a time or the occasional burp. With daddy we started having daddy take him for baths a couple of times a week and that has helped too. I'm still in the bathroom with them so junior can see me but daddy sits there and plays with him etc.

Hang in there, find someone who can handle when your baby freaks out *daddy, friend, family and slowly show baby that these people can take care of them. For your own sanity do it however you like. I am almost at the point where nana can come over and I can leave the house without my boy.

My 9mo is experiencing this, too. It's very hard to see him cry and reach out for me.

What works for us is I just say a calm and cheerful "Bye bye baby, I love you! See you soon!" give kisses, and then go out of sight. He cries, but can be distracted after a minute or two and then it's like it never happened.

It might help to remember that babies learn to trust that you WILL return by seeing you leave and come back over and over. So although it's not much fun right now, I try to focus on the fact that I'm helping him develop confidence and trust. Good luck!

my son is okay with playing with his toys in his play yard as long as he can't see me. as soon as he sees me, he climbs up the fence and tries to get to me. my advice is to get her daddy to help you do things with your daughter, like give her a bath, change her diaper, read her a book. This way...she is not always expecting you. I cannot tell you how many times i have told my husband that by not helping me enough, he is actually conditioning our son to favor me over him. I do all of that routine stuff, so our son expects it. But lately, we are slowly adding daddy to the routine and it seems to help

I wonder if you would be able to get her used to daddy a bit? maybe if daddy starts by playing with her while your holding her? work your way up to you playing with her whilst she is on daddys lap and eventually just leaving her with daddy?

I couldn't leave my little boy crying, I dont believe its fair, not when its as bad as you describe. stay strong and hang on there, as Michelle says, itwont last forever. I feel for you hun, good luck x x

Hi Mandy! my girl is nearlly 7months & for the past 2weeks shes doing the same thing! as well as whenever i leave the room she cries so this makes it impossible to have a shower or go to the toilet without her! i have found though if shes distracted by something like a colourful book or toy shes fine as long as she cant see me!! apparently babies can go through seperation anxiety as earlly as 4months! & can last 2-4months! im hoping its just a phase & knowing that shes not hungry or tired i can leave her to cry for 5mins just while i get organized!!! good luck hope this comes with some help!