Posts tagged ‘change ‘

Do you remember that movie Runway Bride with Julia Roberts and Richard Gere? The movie where Julia Robert character runs from all her weddings moments before she is to exchange her vows? I tend to be a runner, then things start to look like I am going to be hurt…..I run and depending on who you are depends on how fast I run. On New Years Day, I got mad at one of my dear friends. Our friendship has always been rocky, so my first instinct was to get my things, she had and be done with this friendship. But, God reminded me of my motto for 2015 which is QBQ? I could not fail on the first day of 2015, and I have a sneaking feeling that I need to go to her church and I did not want the white elephant in the room. So, I ask her what I could do to fix this? We did not really resolve the issue, but I realized through our discussion that God has place some really amazing people in my life to help my through the changes coming this year. I even tried running when I learned of these changes. But God said nope, and has closed every door I have tried to open myself. I believe He has given me the support and equipment to handle the changes and allowed me to see what I need to learn. I even try running from God, then I think He has giving up on me. Sometime, I cannot feel God, and I beg to just be able to feel His present and then I do not, that is then the doubt set in. Is God real? Why would He care what I think or do? If God is real why cannot I feel Him? Why did He leave me? What did I do wrong? Why? Why? Why? Is the question at hand. This is when I general run fast and furious and shut Him out of my life. No matter, what I do I cannot run from God, and I am tired of running. You cannot out run hurt. We are going to hurt and be hurt, it is part of life. I have discovered that many of my hurts are because I had false expectations for others. My prayer today is that I have less expectations for others and just allow them and me to be who we are without expectations.

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Hmmmm……I book on how to kill eleven million, why would I read a book like that. But, after hearing an interview from the author Andy Andrew on EntreLeadership podcast, I was intrigued. Again, was so ecstatic to read this book, I called three different bookstores when Barnes and Noble did not have the book locally. I so wanted to know what the secret is to facing issues with your opponents and actually achieve more than arguing. I have known for years that, I am not going to change your opinion and you are probably not going to change mine, but how do you work together, if there is not a win-win mentality . Andy Andrews did not go into detail of how to work with your opponent but stated repeatedly that the truth is what is important. It also makes me ponder my involved in my local, state, and federal government. To be perfectly honest, I vote, but that is about as far as my involvement goes. I have tuned the world out, because it is depressing and my opinions or ideas are not going to change Washington or stop world hungry. Who wants to hear about the wars, school shoots, gang fights, the trillion-dollar deficit (Obama, you need to listen to Dave Ramsey and get our country on a super tight budget), Obamacare, recession, murders, politics, the party lines, liberal, republican, democrat, conservative…..you get the picture. Andy Andrews answers to the questions in the back of the book, caused me to stop and think more than the actually story. It was because of people like me, that just sat back and ignored the issues, for whatever reason, are guilty of the crime too. I am a bit ashamed to say that I am part of the problem and that I need to stop blaming Obama, stand up, and demand our leaders to lead with integrity and honor. When did we become a nation, divided? A nation are lying leaders? I ponder what old Abe Lincoln is thinking about now. He fought to keep our nation together because he knew we could not stand divided. What is the old saying, divide and conquer? Growing up watching shows like Knight Rider, Matlock, StarTrek (the Next Generation), Murder, She Wrote, Walker, Texas Ranger, I always wanted to be the one who stood up to the bad guys, even if I was in danger. Now, as an adult looking back, I let fear and discord settle in my spirit instead. I believe now is the time to be involved, because to change a town, city, county, state, country, and the world starts with me.

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So, I have been skipping church over the last sixish weeks (Mother’s Day Weekend was actually spent with family), for two reasons: I was angry & lazy and second, I did not have a Sunday school teacher (it is still new church to me so I did not feel comfortable going to a different class). I did go last week because we have a wonderful new teacher and new faces and it was weird but nice. I felt like I could not say anything, and then I did I was so nerve. I assume that is how my speech class is going to go. too. Anyways, today, was the young adults barbecue, there were several new faces. I personally wanted to turn and run, because I am terrible with people especially new people who were invading my comfort zone. I did not run, but suck close to my munchkins, and it was actually a pretty good time and got to know a few of my Sunday School members. I was a little sad as several of them were married, but it was not the completely overwhelming sadness as then I was younger. I do miss the intimacy and security of marriage, but God being intimacy and secure in God is the ultimate. Lord, I would like someone: to share my daily life with long after my munchkins leave home, someone who making me want to be a better person, someone to share growing closer to You with, someone to have that intimacy with, someone I can help, someone to lead our family, someone to pray with, hold hands with, kiss goodnight, kiss good morning, and maybe even to have another baby with. But, Lord, I know that I do not have to worry
about it because if I follow You, You will full fill the desires of my heart in Your timing.

Delight yourself also in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. (Psalms 37:4 NKJV)