LELO smart wand

I have to admit, I laughed when I opened the email containing a review request for the LELO Smart Wand all over body massager. Usually “all over body massager” is code for…you know…vibrator…. And I’m not about to start reviewing vibrators.

But then I watched the how to use it YouTube video (and I was quite apprehensive of what I might be about to see before I hit play) and found that it actually is a massager. I think.

So I said yes. I could use a massage, so sure, send it my way. I googled LELO smart wand, and found you can buy them from sex shops. Hmm… What was I getting myself in to?

It’s actually quite large. The end is about the size of my fist.

I seriously thought a vibrator was going to turn up at my door step. When the LELO did arrive, the box was quite large. I didn’t know it was the LELO that the package contained. Discreet packaging you see. Which is good, because if a delivery man thinks that kegel exercisers are “personal massagers,” (you can read that story here) then what would he think of an all over body massager? I didn’t really want to re-live that embarrassment again. Phew.

I opened the box.

“Oh, that’s definitely not a vibrator!” I told Aaron rather excitedly. It was way too big for that sort of thing. If I ordered a vibrator for actual um… vibrate-y things, I would be like “Oh heck no! You’re not coming near me with that thing!”

So yeah, all over body massager it actually is. I’m pretty sure.

I checked all of the instructions for good measure. There was no “do not insert…” warning, but I’m still going to go with that’s not what it’s for.

Massaging her own back. Easy.

It just so happend that I could use a shoulder massage, so after charging it up, I turned it on and went to work. With the 8 different vibration settings, I could start the massage slow and pick it up from there. Oh boy did it undo some knots.

It’s easy to reach your own shoulders because of the curved design. Oh, and did I mention it’s water proof? Yeah, you can take that bad boy in the bath with you. Relaxing bath, with a shoulder massage? Yes please. Can you tell that shoulder massages are my favourite? It’s also relaxing on my legs, feet, and lower back.

So just why is it shaped rather like a penis? I’m not sure. But because it is, I feel like I have to hide it away so anyone who comes over doesn’t see it. Even though it’s not used for any coital purposes. And I certainly can’t let any friends have a back massage with it because it does look like a vibrator. Despite it’s large size. I think they might be rather frightened if I pulled it out and said “hey, try this out.”

Hannah thinks it’s the best toy ever, and loves to turn it on and run around the house with it. Which looks rather funny/alarming/weird/horrible/cringeworthy due to it’s phallic appearance. I really hope that she doesn’t go in my room, grab it, and run around with it when we have people over. Sigh. Hopefully she doesn’t know where I hide it.

Maybe people do use it for um…you know… Maybe they don’t. I don’t know. All I know is that I use it as a shoulder/leg/foot/back massager, and it is very good at that.

PROS:

-8 different settings
-Curve makes it easy to reach your own back and shoulders
-Comes in different colours (Mine is purple, my favourite!)
-Completely waterproof
-Rechargeable
-1 year warranty
-Discreet packaging

CONS:

-Phallic appearance (although maybe some people like feeling like they are getting a back massage from a penis?)
-A bit pricey
- I really hope my Grandma isn’t reading this