DERF Happy Hour

MLB's Mitchell Report urges Reds to use steroids

NEW YORK - Results of Major League Baseball's steroid investigation revealed in the Mitchell Report indicated the Cincinnati Reds long-term poor performance is likely caused by the team's long-term lack of steroid and human growth hormone (HGH) use. In a several page section, quoting witnesses and medical records, the controversial report stated the Reds organization and players were completetly steroid-free and appeared oblivious to their existence. Report Investigator George Mitchell stated, "The Reds never even bothered to experiment with steroids. Hopefully the Reds organization understands this lack of awareness has had a devastating long-term effect to their viability in this highly competitive league."