"I don't think I'd be a great mother," the New Jersey native said. "I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child. Childhood was heartbreaking enough for anybody. I don't know that I could handle my own child, especially if I had a girl, going through what I went through growing up. Not that it was so traumatic, but in many ways, it was in your own way."

Handler, the youngest of five children, also opened up about her long-distance relationship with wealthy hotelier Andre Balazs, her on-and-off love since the spring of 2011. "My boyfriend is as busy as I am, so we both make time. I think if you want to be in a relationship with someone, you both make it happen, and we do," the "My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands" author said of the divorced father of two, 56. "We're fortunate enough to be able to have the wherewithal and the resources to kind of meet each other all over the place."

The comedienne, whose exes include rapper 50 Cent and animal trainer Dave Salmoni, said she actually prefers having a bicoastal relationship. (Handler resides primarily in Los Angeles, while Balazs lives in New York.)

"It's always fun. It's always exciting," Handler revealed. "He's very romantic. He's very good for me and I'm very good for him. He's pretentious and I'm not, so I take him down a notch and he brings me up a notch."

Though the pair have broken up twice, they've since learned how to better understand each other's needs. "We had some troubles in the beginning because we were both fighting who the other person was. Everything you like about somebody you end up detesting about them. . . Finally, we both calmed down and then we were able to come together in a much different way," Handler said. "But I'm grateful to be in an adult relationship because I always figured, 'Oh, I'll just have sex with a bunch of guys and have my career.'"