(Closed) Long distance wearing on me:( Need encouragement

I usually don’t get into our relationship too much on here. But I really am sitting here feeling completely lost, missing my FI so much that I’m holding back tears. I don’t understand why I can’t handle the distance well like so many other couples.

Our work schedules are so opposite I feel like I have had barely any time to talk to him in the last two weeks, so much so that I’ve been asking him a lot are you OK? I think he’s getting frustrated I keep thinking something’s wrong. Just feel distant, literally and figuratively.

Im sorry youre going through this *HUG* i kind of know how you feel. We went through a similar distant phase and it was crazy hard. Missing the company and connection is really heartbreaking I feel for you. I hope you guys get some time together soon 🙁

Long distance relationship is tough, been there. How far do you two live? In my past, I dated guys that lived in different coutries so trust me it’s so so hard. I met my husband through internet and we lived half world away for about 2 years until I decided to move here to be with him. You just need to hang on to it and be sure that you don’t be too fussy about him (I think guys don’t like that). How do you talk to your Fiance? Phone or Facetime? I got through my relationship with my husband through phone, chat, and webcam (back then no facetime yet :-)) and that helped a lot to be able to see his face and his smile and then you can feel more as well how he’s feeling about you at that moment :-).

hey it’s ok!!! my fiance and i went long distance for like 18 months!!! and talk about missing schedules, i lived in korea and he lived in hawaii!! and then i moved to maryland and he was still in hawaii!! now we’ve been living together for like a year and half and it’s awesome. being long distance WAS super hard but if the person is worth it, he’s WORTH it. you make it work. it’s hard but work on your communication skills and compromising. TRUST is key because it’s all you have. what that person says is what’s happening (unless you have a spy! ;-)). today, we are an amazing couple. people really are jealous of us and they should be! we have a supurb relationship. you can do it!!! for sure. it’s not too bad as long as you communicate, trust, and compromise. LOVE LOVE LOVE

We had a similar thing when we were long distance. There was an 8/7 hour time difference (depending on daylight savings) and one of us was always at work or sleeping so we sometimes didn’t talk or only managed a quick hello on skype. How long are you going to be long distance for? I found that having a date to look forward to when you will see each other even if only for a short while helps on the bad days. I’d also suggest setting aside a skype date.

Thanks so much you guys -I was frantically calling a friend for some pick-me-up but she didn’t answer, so just reading this makes me feel better to see people who have gone through similar (even more difficult, IMO) situations.

FI and I have been long distance since January 1, will be long distance for another 16 months, 2 years total:( We’re a 5 hour drive apart, which now reading this makes me sound so stupid because some of you guys have dealt with countries apart. I don’t understand why I take it so hard. I think after living together for a year, I compare everything to that. Not a day goes by I don’t think about what we’re missing out on, all the things we did together.

We probably talk for 10 mins on the phone every day, and try to see each other once every two weeks. I think it would be easier if I had people closer to my age where I work/live, while FI is back in our hometown where he knows and sees all of our same friends.

I will say seeing close friends move in with boyfriends/FI/husbands on Facebook, or having coworkers falling in love with a new bf makes it harder. I am happy for them, but at the same time just wish we could enjoy our engagement together in the same place rather than dealing with long distance.

Any suggestions how to spice things up or maybe do something to surprise him? Sometimes I think we get stuck doing the same things/going to the same places when we only have 4 days a month together

Hmm to spice things up you could send sexy pictures and texts the days before you come. Also, sending surprise gifts and letters in the mail is nice. Doing something abnormal while together would make things feel “special.” Do you normally go to the movies and dining? How about have a picnic in the park instead and then go for a walk. It’s nothing EXTREME but it does change things just enough to make them new.

I know how you feel! I have been long distance for about 1yr and 3 months and we will be apart for at least 1 more year. Right now he is deployed and there is a 9 hr time difference, which makes talking hard sometimes. Some days you just break down, which is normal and okay, but just try to remember all the reasons you love him and how much he is worth it. Some things we do is play things like words with friends, sounds silly but its kinda nice to be able to play a game together! And neither of you have to be free at exactly the same time. Also I send him a couple pictures every week, nothing dirty (but you could if you wanted ;)) and he sends me some when he can. It just really helps to actually see his face! And when you talk try to talk about other things then how much you miss him, because he already knows that i’m sure! Make the most out of those 10 min and just try to laugh and have a fun conversation instead of asking if he is doing okay(which is normal). I sent my guy a love letter which he thought was awesome. I also send him little presents of things he either needs or something I know will put a smile on his face. Small things can make his day! Oh also since we dont get to talk/skype much I send him little emails of something funny or interesting that happened that day(and remind him of how much i love him)…. I hope this helps!

Is it normal then for him to seem, distant? He says he is not any different than he was when we started dating, but i feel like now I’ve needed more reassurance with the longer our separation drags on. It’s SO hard for me to not ask, are you OK?? He just wants me to trust that he loves me and doesn’t have to say it every time we text or talk in a 5 min phone call, whereas I guess it’s something that I do, do.

Awe pretty lady don’t ever feel silly about your feelings they shouldn’t have to be compaired to anyone’s situation. It’s tough! Me and FI do 2 weeks working up north 2 weeks home. Texting helps, so does being able to FaceTime eachother orSkype. I try and focus on time he is home instead of all the time he is gone. And I make an effort of planning special dates for when we are together that way I have something to look forward to. Xoxo hugs to you.!!

@MissMelly: I completely understand this.. We were LDR then I moved to be with him, we were together for a year when he lost his job and then he found a job..Yeah..well not so much, because the new job was 2500 miles away on the other side of the country! 🙁 So back to LDR we go…

I think the hard part is because you have already lived together and now being apart is so hard.. this is what happened to me too, I was thinking “oh nooo problem we have done this before we can do this again”.. but as soon as he left I went into a bad depression something that is not like me at all.. but I missed him sooo badly and with the time difference and the fact he is not able to phone or text me while he is at work it makes it sooo rough to find time to spend together. Like you he was coming across to me as ‘distant’ but it turns out (when I finally got it out of him) that he was feeling very down that we were apart and that he really did not want to say anything to me because he knew that it would make me feel even worse..!!!

We go on date nights.. so we do things like go to the same restaurant at the same time and stay on the phone with each other while we eat and talk… we go to the movies together, we find a movie that starts at the same time and text throughout the movie!! We use Skype when we can get a good connection which is not often in his local! and we send each other little silly things in the mail – love notes/cards etc….

Hang in there.. life is never easy but if something is worth having it is worth fighting for too 🙂 and I really do believe that as others have said on here that these types of relationships seem to prepare you for so much more and you get to know more of the person because of the level of trust that it takes to make it work..

My FI and I have been long distance for for about three years (We’ve been together about four and a half, but I lived with him in Ireland for a year and a couple months so I’m saying that time doesn’t coung) and I agree with you that it is very, very tough sometimes. At the start of our relationship we were able to see each other pretty frequently (like once every two months for about a month at a time.) but lately it has been a lot longer that we’ve had to be apart. I was just over seeing him last month, but before that I hadn’t seen him since Christmas … so about six months!

Thankfully his visa is due to come through in about a month or two … at which point he will finally be able to move here FOR GOOD!

Anyway – I am really so sorry that you are going through this, and I wish I had some advice good advice I could offer. Truth is though, I’m not really able to deal with being long distance any better than you are. I mean, skype and stuff is all well and good … but it’s never really enough.

I haven’t posted on the bee in forever, but I came across your post while searching for inspiration for a friend’s wedding. I just want to say that my heart goes out to you! I know just how you are feeling. My husband and I were long distance for 6 1/2 years – right up until 6 weeks before our wedding. It is hard, and your feelings are completely valid! We were about 4-5 hrs apart – true, not countries apart like some of these other brave bees, but still, it’s not like you can easily drive over for a visit whenever you like.

I think everyone here has given you great advice – talk and text and make the most of the time you spend together! Hubs travels a lot now, and though it’s easier since we’re married, I still love talking to him before I go to bed (though usually briefly because I am old and tired LOL), and doing little things like playing words with friends or sending him a quick email with something I thought he’d find interesting or funny. When he comes home after a long trip, we usually regroup by going out to dinner and just relaxing and talking, which is something we used to do when we were long distance too. We used to do this when we were dating too, or I’d find a fun activity in Boston and keep it a surprise until his visit. Sometimes just staying in with a bottle of wine and cooking a nice meal for one another was a big treat too.

More than anything, know that your feelings are normal. Of course you miss him! You might even cry about it sometimes (like maybe after a particulalrly emotional episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Not that I ever did that. (: ) Just trust your love for each other and the strength of your relationship. I think our LDR made our marriage all the sweeter, and I hope the same for you two! HANG IN THERE!!