a medical librarian's adventures in evidence-based living

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Secular Sabbath

October 16, 2012

About [thirteen] years ago Attention Deficit Disorder guru Dr. Ed Hallowell noticed a new malady he dubbed: CrazyBusy. It feels like ADD or ADHD, but it's not the "real thing"--it's an environmentally-self-induced condition.

It's the feeling of being overstretched, overbooked, too busy to just sit down & relax, distracted, unorganized, not knowing what to do first--brought on by our seductive technology that makes us hyper-available--and a culture that values busyness over slowing down & taking "time out" to just think.

Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, child & adult psychiatrist who is one of the leading experts in ADD & ADHD

If you received this post via email, click here, to get to the web version with all the links.

Dr. Ned Hallowell popped into my head last week.

Three times last week I read something provocative about ADHD, Ritalin & the downside of the distracted brain. Click here, here, and here to find out why Dr. Ned Hallowell was slowly worming his way into my brain last week.

I was starting to get the message loud & clear that it's time to put some serious "parental controls" on my own iPhone, computer & podcast "over-use". Maybe it's time to go on a techno-diet or incorporate a secular sabbath.Check out Mark Bittman's "I Need a Virtual Break"--his early version of a secular sabbath experience. Somehow, I doubt he's kept it up.

I'm suffering from Hallowell's modern malady, CrazyBusy. Yep, I've definitely got that "feeling of being overstretched, overbooked, too busy to just sit down & relax, distracted, unorganized, not knowing what to do first--brought on by an iPhone, computer, open access to the best libraries in the country, my "day job" & my blogging/FB "off-the-clock" hobby.

I'm suffering from a big bellyache of information overload. Everything is endlessly interesting, uplifting & entertaining to me. And there's a bottomless buffet of free news, research articles, books, & essays to read or listen to.

Enough already! Right?

Time for some undistracted, quiet couch time with a juicy novel I can't put down!

I long for quiet stretches of time to get totally absorbed in a book--without the lure of my iPhone, computer, TV, or facebook.

Turns out, brand-new brain research on distractibility & attention has surprised the socks off of Stanford University neuroscientists. When they compared (via an fMRI) the brains of volunteers reading a chapter of Jane Austen's "Mansfield Park" in the typical distracted way most of us now read--with reading in a focused-with-full-attention" way--the differences were striking--with implications for all of us.

Get a load of the brain changes when volunteers read with close attention:

SHANKAR VEDANTAM: [W]hat's striking is that it wasn't just the part of the brain that focuses on attention that was different in the close reading.

What researcher Natalie Phillips is finding is that there are heightened emotional responses. There's heightened activation in the motor cortex, parts of the brain that are involved in movement, in perceiving where you stand in space. And all of these come to life when the reading is done in this close manner with close attention.

NPR HOST STEVE INSKEEP: OK. So what are the implications for us in this world where there are constant distractions, from television to e-mail to everything else?

SHANKAR VEDANTAM: Well, I think what the study is showing, Steve, is that reading [with a distracted] mind is not half as good as reading with your full focused mind. And the implications for kids is that you should turn off those iPhones, turn off those iPads, turn off the television if you really want to get the experience of what a book is, you need to give yourself time to become completely immersed in it.

Time to turn off the iPhone, iPad, computer, & TV.

I decided it was high time to re-read the post I wrote about Hallowell three years ago.

That was before the days of iPhones, iPads, wireless, 3G or 4G. Before we had a clue what "really wired" could mean to our lives. Those were the Blackberry days. And I never owned one.

But forget about techno distraction for a minute.

Realistically, is it possible to follow Hallowell's advice to pick just 3 things to accomplish a day & call it quits?I've yet to come close to learning that lesson.

Every day I naively (or stupidly) think I can accomplish far more than is humanely possible. There will always be more things that need to be done--than time available. When I re-read, "Fighting Entropy With New Habits - Why I Vow to Make My Bed Every Morning," a post I wrote 4 1/2 years ago, I can see how everything on my To-Do list back then--is still on my list today, just new variations on the same themes. That's a good thing. If you have a house, friends, celebrations, a garden, a job, a family--there will always be a never-ending to-do-list. That's something to be thankful for, not whine or fret about! Right?

Not being rattled by that never-ending list of chores--being able to guiltlessly detach from it all--and just plain do nothing is the real antidote to CrazyBusy.

And that means "unplugging" everyday--at least for awhile. Drs. David Rock & Daniel Siegel's,"Healthy Mind Platter"is absolutely "spot on", reminding me how important it is to take some time out everyday to do two things that kind of sound the same, but are subtlely different--one is active--one is passive:

Time In. When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain. (sounds so academic--but I do "get" what they mean--& it really does work)

Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge.

If I've learned one thing over the almost 5 years that I've been blogging--it's that there are only so many hours in a day--and every time I add a new activity, I better figure out something to eliminate--or else! There's always an opportunity cost. It's so easy to forget about that. Click here to read more.

I love when I have plenty of open space on my family room book shelf or in my refrigerator. I figure life is a lot like a book shelf, a refrigerator, or a closet. You have to get rid of something if you want to make room for something new.

And my other fave blogging lesson, that I continue to be reminded about daily, is the importance of making time for sleep. There's just no way to scrimp on that one. Click here for more on that score.

Last Wednesday, ADD/ADHD expert Dr. Ned Hallowell paid a visit to my medical center to speak at our Wellness Grand Rounds. The last time I went a Wellness Grand Rounds Dr. T. Colin Campbell, author of The China Study, spoke and my eating habits have been forever changed. (Dr. T. Colin Campbell Pays a Visit: Does This Mean I Have to Become a Vegan? click here) I think Hallowell's visit is going to have a similar life-changing effect.

When Dr. Hallowell speaks, you listen. This guy is THE ADD/ADHD expert, because he knows exactly what it feels like. He's dyslexic with ADHD, so if he can control his time & environment well enough to graduate from Harvard & medical school, teach medical students, write multiple books, run a private practice, and still be an attentive parent & husband--I'm all ears. Besides, you can't help but like this guy. He's warm, down-to-earth, and funny!

OK. Dr. H. had a lot to say, so I'm dividing his words of wisdom into 3 posts:

1. The CrazyBusy Malady. Pseudo-ADHD. How to recognize it & what to do about it.

2. ADD/ADHD. What is it? How to manage it. Why we should look at it from a Strength-based model--not a Disease-based model.

3. Adult ADD. How to recognize it. How to manage it.

What's the CrazyBusy Disorder & What Causes It?

You have way too much too do, you're constantly interrupted at work and at home with demands for your time, and even when you're not being interrupted by others, you're interrupting yourself by constantly checking your email, your Blackberry, your cell phone, your iPhone--or googling every random question that pops into your head. No wonder we're all feeling busier than ever, accomplishing less, and about to SNAP!

CrazyBusy feels just like ADD/ADHD with one big exception: ADD/ADHD is a condition one is born with. CrazyBusy is a condition we create ourselves--and it's much easier to control.

Take the Vermont Test to decide if you have ADD or CrazyBusy.

If after spending one week on a farm in Vermont, you are happily relaxed and plowing the fields, you have CrazyBusy. If you end up turning the place into an amusement park--you've got ADD.

The Vocabulary of CrazyBusy.

1. Gemmelsmerch. It's a made up word to "describe the force that distracts a person from what he or she wants or ought to be doing. It's as pervasive & powerful as gravity." It's all the stuff that distracts us: magazines, TV, the computer, cell phones, Blackberries, phone calls, ideas that just pop into your head, the mess in your house/office/yard (yes, that too is a distraction), email and on and on.

2. Screensucking. Wasting time watching the screen of a TV, computer, or video game.

3. EMV. That tell-tale voice of a person who is reading their email while talking on the phone.

4. Doomdart. The forgotten task that suddenly pops into your head when you're doing something else--and off you go to attend to it.

A woman asked him, "Is it OK that my husband puts his Blackberry down next to him when we make love?"

What's Happened to our Lives to Make Us Feel So CrazyBusy?

1. Technology. It's speeded up our lives. We're always reachable. If we're not careful we'll be too available and we won't have any sacred uninterrupted time to think.

2. The Addictive & Seductive Nature of Technology. There really is a dopamine release (the feel-good brain chemical) when we see a new email, text-message, or missed call. So, when we do have down-time, instead of disconnecting and taking time to think or do important tasks, we go straight to the computer and check our email, Facebook, twitter, or regular daily websites. It feels like we're doing work--but we're really sabotaging ourselves. We're giving up control of our time.

Hallowell's Advice to Get Control of Your Time

1. CONTROL Your Technology--Don't Let It Control You! Develop a system that works for you--when you take calls, how you prioritize emails, taking regular time away from the seductive computer.

Hallowell's favorite success story:

A rising star who had climbed the ladder at Starbucks thought she owed her career success to her masterful multi-tasking prowess on her Blackberry. She was even able to cook dinner with one hand, and send emails with the other.

When she got hired away by the Gates Foundation, she was told they didn't allow Blackberries at work. She had to give it up. She freaked. How could she give up the secret to her success? But she wanted the job, so she gave it a shot.

First week of giving up the Blackberry: She was anxious and edgy.

Second week of giving up the Blackberry: She felt calmer, and got her best work done--ever! When it comes to productivity, uninterrupted time trumps multi-tasking every time.

Moral of the story: You need to be in charge of your technology. You can't be so available that you have no time to work on what's most important to you--what matters most. Take control of your time--or it will evaporate and you won't even know where it went!

2. CANCEL. Construct boundaries for your time. Don't be a victim of your own generosity, or you'll risk being picked at all day. Don't be afraid to cancel people--or organizations that are sucking your time--or that you are hanging on to out of guilt. It may seem difficult at first, but if you get into the habit of canceling what doesn't really matter, you'll be amazed at how much better you feel and how much more energy you have. Try to think of at least one activity, meeting, or event you can cancel right now. Pare down your life to its best.

3. CARE. Pick 3 things you want to accomplish today. This exercise takes 5-7 minutes a day--but it gives your day direction. Decide what you care about most. You do not have time for everything you care about, so you must prioritize. If you don't do this consciously, you will do it unconsciously simply because what you care about exceeds the time you have to devote to each item on your list.

You need to spend most of your day doing what you're good at, what you like, and what adds value to the world.

If you aren't doing this, you'll end up sick & unhappy.

4. CREATE organization in your life to help you concentrate. Take the time to set up structures and systems in your life to help you get organized. This might mean a new filing system or getting your home or office in order so it's not a constant concern or a distraction. It could even mean setting aside a part of an evening solely for conversation with your spouse, or a time you book into your schedule for exercise.

5. CONNECT with the people & projects that matter most to you. Take the time to figure out who & what matters most to you and connect with them. You'll reap the benefits of a positive emotional atmosphere at home, at work, and wherever you go. Connecting with others is also the best way to reduce worry. Hallowell's sage advice: It's fine to worry, just try never to worry alone.

6. CULTIVATE your Lilies and discard your Leeches. To do this you must take what the people in Alcoholics Anonymous call the fearless inventory, but in this case it is not of yourself, but your life. What do you want to do more of? What do you want to do less of? Figure that out, then do it.

Do Your Best Work By Creating More of the C-State and Less of the F-State

C-State: You'll do your best work when you are cool, calm, collected, and concentrated. Preserve it!

F-State: You'll do your worst work when you are fearful, forgetful, frustrated, frazzled, and frenzied. Guard against it!

The Productivity Secrets of Warren Buffett and Bill Gates

Busyness doesn't mean you're productive.

Warren Buffett supposedly doesn't have a computer on his desk. I'm not sure how he does any work without one--but then again, I'm not going to argue with his success.

Bill Gates supposedly retreats to a cabin in the woods for several weeks every year--just to recharge, think, and read without interruption. After personally going on a few week-long silent meditation retreats over the years, I second Gates' productivity technique.

Successful people take time to STOP AND THINK!

So where do I personally need a CrazyBusy Tune-Up? It's pretty clear to me.

I need to:

1. Control my screensucking computer addiction.

2. Pick just 3 things every day to accomplish--I need to remember I can't do everything I care about--I need to prioritize.

3. Create better systems to organize all my projects and papers--and my house and household chores--so I won't spend unnecessary time & energy distracted by disorganization.

July 11, 2011

"But the point is not how many things we have done or will do in a given amount of time; the point is how we do what we do.If we're rushed and frantic, we're too busy. If we move through our tasks with equanimity, patient and composed, we're not.

Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we're doing, we're always just doing what we're doing, simply living this one moment of our lives.

It goes without saying that if you've bitten off more than you can chew in a day, or in a lifetime, you'd better step back and change your circumstances, if at all possible.

If you received this post via email, click here to get to the web version.

Plant-based recipe alert. It's been so long since I've posted any recipes--and boy do I have a lot of them to share--I try out new recipes every week. And besides, my sister-in-law said, "Post more recipes!" You'll find 2 recipes at the end of this post. One is hers. One is mine.

Unplugged, Un-Busy, Single-Tasking, & Smack in the Middle of the Deep Woods

Yep, I was away again. So, where did I go this time?

Deep into the North Carolina/Georgia Mountains--visiting my sister-in-law & brother-in-law, and my Atlantan nephew & niece--stretching the 4th of July weekend into 5 days that turned out to be of "a homemade spa wellness weekend".

But, I have to be honest. Being away from home so often--especially after a travel-crazy May & June-- can knock me off balance, making me feel overwhelmed & edgy, even before I leave town. And that "I've-got-too-much-to-do-&-not enough-time" feeling doubles when I return home.

You all know what I mean--when you're out-of-town you fall way behind on everything that needs to get done at home & at work.

But none of that happened this time!

Here's My Theory. Do you all remember that post about Rock & Siegel's Healthy Mind Platter? Sure you do--it was just 2 1/2 weeks ago. Well, on this extended 4th of July weekend, I unknowingly nailed everything on that brain platter, every single day! It chilled me out--and the light bulb went on! The platter works.

I "unplugged", I got a giant dose of nature, and traded in the "multi-tasking" for Norman Fischer's "single-tasking" un-busyness. I highly recommend it! (here's what I'm talking about)

Here's how my vacation re-entry played out this time around.

We returned home at midnight on Tuesday night--and I hit the ground running before the alarm went off at 6:00 am. Had to work on Wednesday. Had to forage for food in my pantry & freezer. My refrigerator was bare.

Then it was up early and home late--most every day last week. But, I was still feeling energized and relaxed? What's up with that?

Certainly no time to blog last week--so I just let it slide. Why stress about it?

My suitcase didn't get unpacked until Saturday morning. Oh well.

The boxes & piles of grandkid toys that filled all the free floor space in my family room didn't get put away until Saturday. And why were awesome boxes of toys filling my family room? A friend had generously dropped off a car load of stuff the night before we left town--so the piles stayed where they had landed until I had time to move them upstairs--on Saturday.

The kitchen floor was starting to get super sticky--the laundry was piling up. But, I knew I'd get to them in due time. They'd have to wait.

Here's what filled up my free time last week. I was co-hosting a wine and beer tasting bridal shower four days after I got home--so I was busy organizing, shopping, schlepping, & food prepping. (BTW--we all had a blast!) Plus a bit of prepping for a work picnic the following day. And of course I had to bring something plant-based & oil-free for the picnic--my reworked "Bon Appetit" recipe for Rice Salad, with Grilled Italian "sausage," Peppers & Onions. The recipe is here--but I ditched all the oil, & upped the fresh lemon juice!

My week was not all work--and no play. I fit in time to touch base with my sis, sister-in-law, kids, & friends, exercise, eat healthy & delicious food, get to sleep on-time--and take Friday night off to catch Super 8at the local theater. Loved it! It's a mix of ET, Night-of-the-Living-Dead & Goonies that's scary, suspenseful, & sentimental. I screamed about a dozen times. My husband hadn't a clue what we were going to see, and he hands-down loved this movie!

Believe it or not, nothing this weekend has felt like a hassle. Really! I'm trying hard to be a single-tasker, taking my time, & it feels so fine. I was even writing this blog two hours before "Shower Time!"

Here's the thing! Those five days away have taught me one big important lesson.

Now, the real trick will be to keep that lesson in mind when the going gets tough!

Focus completely on what you're doing at the moment--whether it's work, reading, listening to a friend, or making dinner. Do one thing at a time--and stop thinking about the next thing on your list. Enjoy it.

Good sleep matters! It will save you so much time in the end.

Get a daily dose of that Healthy Mind Platter & make life easier on yourself.

Our North Carolina Healthy Mind Platter Days

Focus Time. When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, taking on challenges that make deep connections in the brain. My Fourth of July weekend had plenty of time for serious kitchen experiments, reading the hard copy of the New York Timeswithout any distractions, & Brendan Brazier's Thrive.

Play Time. When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, which helps make new connections in the brain. This was five days of easy-going play-time, laughter, & adventure. Any Band of Brother's fans out there? We tracked down the Currahee Museum--which commemorates the WW II training camp where The Band of Brothers got their start.

A Grown-up Game of Doctor & Patient--My sister-in-law & niece had 30 minutes of fun trying to remove a deck splinter from my toe

Connecting Time. When we connect with other people, ideally in person, richly activating the brain's social circuitry. Plenty of time to just hang out, walk, & talk with my sister-in-law, brother-in-law, niece & nephew.

Physical Time. When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways. Serious daily hiking, & Hot Yoga on the deck--everyday!

My Niece--Our Bikram Yoga Instructor

Time In.When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain. Plenty of deck-sitting, just taking it all in! Few distractions, no TV watching, with barely any internet or phone services available on this mountain top.

View from the Deck

Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge. We had no plans. Nothing we had to do. Nowhere we had to be. We just hung out. Relaxed & recharged.

Sleep Time.When we give the brain the rest it needs to consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day. I've never slept better--except for a couple of dog-barking morning wake-up calls! No need for air-conditioning. Just cool mountain breezes coming in through wide-open windows.

Sweet Savasana

Let the Recipes Begin!

Blueberry, Banana, & Oat Company Breakfast Bake

Blueberry Breakfast Perfection. This is the perfect recipe to make the next time you have houseguests.

My sister-in-law made it for us & I kept going back for more. It was like eating a dessert.

4. In another bowl, whisk together the milk, the egg subsititute (flax meal & water), vanilla, and maple syrup. Set aside.

5. In the prepared baking dish, spread the diced bananas in an even layer, then scatter the blueberries over top. Pile the oat mixture to cover the fruit, but do not pack too tightly. Carefully pour the wet milk mixture over the oats; it will look as if there is too much liquid, but don't worry, it will be absorbed during baking.

6. Sprinkle the top with a bit of cinnamon & a few chopped walntus, and bake for 35-40 minutes, until the oatmeal is puffed and set, with a golden brown top.

7. Remove from the oven, allow to cool for a few minutes, and then enjoy.

Notes: Re the measurements--the fruit just needs to completely cover the base of the baking dish. Adjust quantities to suit your baking dish.

An 8 X 8 inch square baking dish can be used in place of the round--the oatmeal will be crisper.

Thai-Style Coconut Soup

Thai-Style Coconut Soup

I randomly picked this recipe out of Robin Robertson's fabulous Vegan Planet--and boy was it ever a winner. It comes together quickly & makes an easy quick-cooking dinner. I highly recommend this cookbook--which is easy to modify to no-added-oil.

We shared 2 bowls of this yummy soup with our friends when they dropped off the toys--and I made another batch a week later in North Carolina. Big thumbs up from everyone who tasted this easy-to-do recipe.

No need for lemongrass, kaffir lime leaves, or galangal. Robertson thankfully uses easy-to-find substitutes. I just upped the tofu--to make it heartier--and used my favorite "faux coconut milk".

Use this same ratio (1 tsp. to 1 cup--1/4 tsp to 1/4 cup) of extract to milk whether you're making more or less coconut milk. I prefer soy milk when making faux coconut milk--4 grams of fat per cup give it a creamier texture.

Note: 1 can of real coconut milk is 14 ounces. Mix 14 ounces of "milk" with 1 3/4 tsp of coconut extract (more or less to taste)

I ditched my Durkee's artificial coconut extract when I spotted this natural blend, Silver Cloud, at Whole Foods a few months ago. It's pricey--but it's also a large bottle. Click on Silver Cloud if you can't find this locally. Get the Silver Cloud coconut extract!

1. Heat up a non-stick pan, & add the shallots. Add a little water or vegetable broth if they start to stick--to deglaze the pan. Cook the shallots until tender, about 5 minutes.

2. Add the mushrooms and cook, stirring for 3 minutes.

3. Stir in the vegetable broth, ginger, tamari, brown sugar, and chili paste and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to low and simmer for 2 to 3 minutes, stirring to dissolve the sugar.

4. Stir in the "faux coconut milk", tofu, lime juice & zest, and lemon juice, and simmer until the flavors have blended and the soup is hot, about 5 minutes. Taste and adjust the seasonings.

5. Serve hot, garnished with the cilantro.

Puppodums

Find these in plain or spicy flavors in the Asian/Indian section of the grocery store. They're widely available. Amy Cramer introduced me to these super-easy snack/appetizer treats more than a year ago.

Just pop them one-at-a-time into the microwave & cook for 40-60 seconds, depending on your microwave & voila, you have a beautifully crisped giant lentil chip.

We served them with jarred chutney & hummus. Also try them with Trader Joe's pre-cooked French lentils, mixed with mango or tamarind chutney.

Every now & then I read something that's so wise, yet so simple--that rings true to my own experiences--that helps me to better understand my everyday reactions & feelings--and then gives me clear directions on how to make positive change happen in my life.

That's exactly what discovering Dr. David Rock & Dr. Daniel Siegel's, "Healthy Mind Platter" has done for me. Riffing off of the USDA's brand new Choose My Plate recommendations for a healthy diet--Rock & Siegel have incorporated the latest neuropsychological research to visually share with us the 7 daily activities needed for "good mental nutrition."

Sometimes you just have to hear common sense advice from an "expert" to really believe it!

Ever notice how cranky, impatient, & fuzz-thinking you feel after a night of too-little sleep?

Is there any comparison between a long walk & heart-to-heart talk with a close friend versus connecting via emails, texts, or phone calls?

What about all those constant interruptions at work--or at home--when you're trying to complete a project that takes a lot of mental focus? The emails, phone calls, barrage of questions, comments, and the daily work chatter. Can anyone really concentrate in a cubicle office? What about the sheer joy you feel when you're so focused on a project that you completely lose track of time?

And how often do you allow yourself the luxury of 100% do-nothing piddle around unscheduled time at home? Rarely--I'm guessing. Whoever just sits on a park bench, their couch, or in their backyard--or drives in their car or "ambles about"-without being connected or plugged into something that takes up all their attention--like the radio, an iPhone or iPod, a cellphone, a laptop, a book/magazine/newspaper, or a companion? I'm talking about 100% quiet time to just think or reflect. No one I know.

This is a topic close to my heart--and one that I've written about often. How can we find the right balance between purposeful work, family, friendships, self, obligations, & health? How do we fit everything into our lives without making ourselves crazy busy, unfocused, stressed out, feeling put-upon, or unhealthy?

"This platter has seven essential mental activities necessary for optimum mental health in daily life. These seven daily activities make up the full set of 'mental nutrition' that your brain needs to function at its best.

By engaging regularly in each of these servings, you enable your brain to coordinate and balance its activities, which strengthens your brain's internal connections and your connections with other people."

The seven essential mental activities are (click here to go to Rock's full blog post):

Focus Time. When we closely focus on tasks in a goal-oriented way, taking on challenges that make deep connections in the brain.

Play Time. When we allow ourselves to be spontaneous or creative, playfully enjoying novel experiences, which helps make new connections in the brain.

Connecting Time. When we connect with other people, ideally in person, richly activating the brain's social circuitry.

Physical Time. When we move our bodies, aerobically if possible, which strengthens the brain in many ways.

Time In. When we quietly reflect internally, focusing on sensations, images, feelings and thoughts, helping to better integrate the brain.

Down Time. When we are non-focused, without any specific goal, and let our mind wander or simply relax, which helps our brain recharge.

Sleep Time. When we give the brain the rest it needs to consolidate learning and recover from the experiences of the day.

Consider this, folks! Four of the activities essential to mental health involve No Purposeful Action! That's right--to feel our best we need to carve out daily time to wind down, chill out, play, & sleep! All activities that aren't goal-oriented.

Apologies to all of you if this is "old news"--the HBR post came out on June 3, 2011.

As for me, it's totally liberating to learn that Down Time "doing absolutely nothing," Time In "taking time out to just sit quietly & think", Play Time, and Sleep Time are as important to my well-being as are healthy food, exercise, purposeful work, and friendships. Doing nothing will never more be considered a "guilty pleasure"--it's an essential one!

And it's so validating to learn that what I know in my heart to be true for me: Focus Time, Connection Time, & Exercise Time are all key players for happiness & well-being.

Nissen's eye-opening talk on intravasclar ultrasound, atherosclerosis, and reversing heart disease with high-dose statins didn't spend too much time discussing diet or lifestyle changes. But it certainly convinced me that I was on the right path--to keep on eating a plant-based no-added-oil diet, and to keep on exercising.

Why? Because, the inarguable evidence we now have from intravascular ultrasound (IVUS) demonstrates how very low LDL levels can absolutely make a difference in stopping the progression of atherosclerosis--ultimately reversing it.

Nissen, who is the chairman of the Department of Cardiovascular Medicine at the Cleveland Clinic, is one of the top & most respected cardiologists in the country. When reporters want an opinion about anything related to heart disease, he is the go-to expert.

What he has to say--and what his power points demonstrate--will convince you that our diet & lifestyle is highly atherogenic--that most of us already have coronary (and/or cerebrovascular) atherosclerosis--in spite of the fact that the majority of us would probably pass a stress test or have normal angiograms.

68% of men & 42% of women who have myocardial infarctions will have less than a 50% stenosis (narrowing) in their coronary arteries--and have no prior symptoms, until an atherosclerotic plaque ruptures from within their arterial wall. To understand how this can happen, click here.

Intravascular ultrasound (IVUS), is a diagnostic technique that's able to measure the arterial plaque withinthe arterial wall, as well as the opening (lumen) of the artery. It's used primarily in clinical studies, not for "regular" patients--because it's costly, time-consuming--and involves risk. But, it has completely changed our understanding of how coronary artery disease occurs--and more importantly, how its progression can be stopped, reversed, and prevented.

Cardiovascular disease (as well as carotid & renal vascular disease) is NOT a disease caused by the narrowing of the arteries.

The opening (lumen) of an artery can even look perfectly normal--because this isn't a disease of the lumen--it's a disease of the vessel wall--and angiograms & stress tests cannot pick up what's going on inside the artery's wall. It's all about that ever-present atherosclerotic plaque embedded inside of our vessel walls.

I'll say it again! Over half of the time this "Tim-Russert-kind-of-disease" of the vascular wall will not show up on a stress test or be seen on an angiogram--and often it won't cause angina or any other symptoms. Your cholesterol numbers might even be in the normal or high normal range--not high enough to warrant more than a low or medium dose of statins.

With standard diagnostic tools you won't have a clue about what's going on inside of your blood vessels. And besides, if you don't have angina or serious symptoms--you're never going to have a diagnostic test, anyway.

Stents & bypasses won't stop the disease--they'll just get you out of a crisis. And the typical normal dose of statins can only reduce cardiovascular disease by one-third.

How did we get into this mess? Blame can be placed squarely on our diet and lifestyle.

Sorry that the video of Dr. Nissen's lecture is no longer available. If it were, I'm certain you would come to one of three conclusions:

You'll want to take the highest dose of statins your body can tolerate in order to prevent heart disease or stroke--which isn't going to be an easy thing to do, because no physician would likely prescribe such a high-dose of statins just for primary prevention. And evidence continues to mount of increased side effects the higher the dosage, the longer one is on statins, & the older one's age.

You'll just give up thinking about all this prevention, plaque, heart disease & stroke stuff--eat whatever you want to eat, take what the doc prescribes, and let the chips fall where they may. You'll probably end up with some level of heart disease, peripheral artery disease, vascular dementia, or renal artery disease, because the cure seems worse than the disease.

You'll decide to change your diet from one that's atherogenic & slowly killing you, to one that's plant-based-with-no-added oil, because it will do exactly what the highest doses of statins will do without the side effects.

If by now I've convinced you to listen to what Dr. Steven Nissen has to say, just click here, and plan on spending one hour learning something that many physicians might not be aware of. And please get back to me--let me know what you think, and what you plan to do about it. You all know what I've decided to do!

Protecting the Brain & the Soul. Unplugging with a Shot of Nature

Son #2 doesn't spend much time surfing the net--and he rarely forwards articles.

Last May five neuroscientists headed into a remote canyon region of southern Utah for a rafting trip and some hands-on evidence-based brain research--on themselves. They wanted to find out what happens to your brain when you completely unplug from the world. No phones, no computers, no watches, no devices of any kind.

What the wanted to find out first-hand: Would you notice any changes to your brain or thought processes if you could immerse yourself in nature, really disconnecting from distractions, technology, constant interruptions, and your work, of course.

Would your focus and attention improve & sharpen without the usual distractions?

Would thoughts deepen, if noise & interruptions could disappear?

Is nature & silence restorative?

Or would you just feel even more anxious if you're cut off from your work, your techno gadgets--and your everyday world?

Starting out, two of the group were believers in the value of escaping into nature--unplugging--and resting the brain. The other three were skeptics--joined at the hip to their digital devices--and doubtful that the trip would affect them personally or scientifically.

"It was a primitive trip with a sophisticated goal: to understand how heavy use of digital devices and other technology changes how we think and behave, and how a retreat into nature might reverse those effects.

It is a trip into the heart of silence--increasingly rare now that people can get online even in far-flung vacation spots.

By extension, some scientists believe heavy multi-tasking fatigues the brain, draining it of the ability to focus.

As they head down the tight curves the San Juan has carved from ancient sandstone, the travelers will, not surprisingly, unwind, sleep better and lose the nagging feeling to check for a phone in the pocket.

[Dr.] David Strayer, the trip's organizer, a psychology professor at the University of Utah, says that studying what happens when we step away from our devices and rest our brains--in particular, how attention, memory, and learning are affected--is important science.

"Attention is the holy grail," says Strayer.

"Everything that you're conscious of, everything you let in, everything you remember and you forget, depends on it."

[Just the expectation of email or receiving new information seems to be taking up our working memory.]

Working memory is a precious resource in the brain. The scientists hypothesize that a fraction of brain power is tied up in anticipating email and other new information...

"To the extent you have less working memory, you have less space for storing and integrating ideas and therefore, less to do the reasoning you need to do," says [Dr.] Arthur Kramer of the University of Illinois.

"There's a real mental freedom in knowing no one or nothing can interrupt you," says [Dr.] Todd Braver of Washington University.

When he gets back to St. Louis, Braver plans to focus more on understanding what happens to the brain as it rests. He wants to use imaging technology to see whether the effect of nature on the brain can be measured and whether there are the other ways to reproduce it, say through meditation.

On Wednesday I'm starting out on my own journey that will disconnect me from my computer and cellphone.

Neither will get plugged back in until almost mid-June.

It's not exactly a backpacking trip or a silent meditation retreat--but I'll be visiting far-flung places. The first leg starts with a 20 hour road trip to celebrate & attend son #2's graduation--and then my husband & I will embark on multi-leg journey that's a pre-celebration of our 40th anniversary.

As soon as we return home, three of our favorite houseguests will have already arrived at our house--our #1 grandson, son #1, and daughter-in-law #1. Oops--I better thoroughly clean the house & get the bedrooms ready before I leave.

So...I've made the executive decision to leave my computer, my phone, and my blog behind for 3+ weeks and enjoy every moment of this wonderful month with my full attention--minus any distraction.

Learning to Let Go of "Crazy Busy"

I'm great at making myself crazy when I think I have too much to do.

You know what I mean. All that planning in your head that goes into preparing for a long trip. I'm not a "just show up & fly by the seat-of-my-pants kind of gal". I wish I was.

I'm the worst combo: a procrastinator who is also an "over-preparer"--who doesn't want to miss out on anything. Ugh! Turning easy into complicated is not a good thing--but I'm so good at it! I think too much--and then try to do it all at the last minute.

Researching the destinations--planning what I'm going to see & how to get there.

Buying the luggage (the old ones are too heavy), the comfortable walking shoes, the bathing suit (the old one is now too big), figuring out what to pack for every possible circumstance, the foreign currency, and all those little details necessary for travel

Planning a celebration-graduation-Friday-night dinner for son #2--Thanks to Eli, this one's going to be easy and amazing!

Fitting in all the pre-trip chores into my all-ready jammed-packed schedule

While also planning summer visits to North Carolina, Chautauqua, Boston, a family trip to Kentucky, and a July wedding shower. It's going to be a very busy summer! OK, I admit it--these all turned out to be easy-to-plan-events and I had plenty of help from others. It was just the "thinking about them"--and the procrastinating that made them seem so much harder than they were--and drove me crazy.

So it was perfect timing as I tried to fit in one last "before I leave" blog post that thoughts of Norman Fischer serendipitously flew into my head. Really.

I reread (and you can, too!) my October 25, 2008 Norman Fischer post about how to calm down when you think your too darn busy. And honestly, it worked.

So here's the serendipity part. I always have things I want to write about--too many. The problem is, it takes a lot of time to put thoughts to paper (or rather--to computer) and frankly, I've got lots of other stuff to do today. Like plant flower bulbs, put away my laundry, call my aunt, go for a walk, bake cookies for the new neighbors and hang-out with my husband. I've been mulling over writing posts on multi-tasking; strategies from positive psychology to get through tough economic times; yoga as medicine; and lessons from cultures with lots of centenarians & so on.

So, to continue. I get to the Norman Fischer link. It takes me to his newsletter where I learned that Norman not only has a new book out: Sailing Home, but he wrote an article in the September 2008 issue of O Magazine (as in Oprah), called "Simple Yet Astounding Ways to Calm Down".

As with everything related to Norman, the article is wise, kind, thoughtful, and easy to read.

Forget about reading anything I have to say about multi-tasking, getting through tough times, yoga & longevity. Read Norman's article! It's all right there.

And by the way, even though Norman advises against giving advice to grown-up kids, in this case I disagree. So, Son #1, Son #2, Daughter-in-law #1, if you are reading this, I know you guys are crazy busy. I hope you have a chance to read Norman! It will serve you well.

"If you're so crazed that you have to pencil in time for a deep breath, here's how to become more relaxed—and efficient—in less than a minute. All together now: Ahhhhh…

You keep a to-do list, but you can't get through it by the end of the day, and you're frustrated because you feel like you haven't been able to get enough done. You find that things take longer than you thought they would. And when people ask how you are, "Fine" has been replaced by "Too busy."

Welcome to the "too busy" club.

In this technology-driven world, we can do more, so we do—and we love it. We feel effective and powerful as we check items off our lists and use our cell phones, BlackBerrys, and computers, sometimes all at once. We're multitasking, doing as much as we can in the least amount of time. We're active, creative, and engaged! In demand! Being too busy makes us feel as though we're making an impact.

On the other hand, feeling too busy drives us crazy. Falling ever further behind as the to-do list relentlessly grows (each item generating many more items almost as fast as we can think of them) is nerve-racking and stressful. We begin to feel like prisoners of the list, prisoners of our lives and our desires, prisoners of time. There just aren't enough hours in the day. It's as if we're doing battle with time—and losing.

But the point is not how many things we have done or will do in a given amount of time; the point is how we do what we do. If we're rushed and frantic, we're too busy. If we move through our tasks with equanimity, patient and composed, we're not.

In the Zen Buddhist tradition that I've been practicing for many years, there's a story that illustrates this point: A monk is sweeping the temple grounds. Another monk comes by and says, "Too busy!" The first monk replies, "You should know there is one who is not too busy."

Our sweeping monk may have been moving quickly, and so he looked "too busy" to his brother monk. But inside—in his mind—he wasn't busy. In the midst of his vigorous activity, he was in touch with "the one who is not busy."

Most of us judge how busy we are by how much we have to do. When there are too many things to do, we think we're busy, and when there isn't much to do, it feels like we're not busy at all. But in fact, we can feel busy when there isn't that much to do, and we can feel relaxed even when there's a lot going on. The states of "busy" and "not busy" aren't defined by how many things there are to do. Contrary to popular opinion, there is no such thing as multitasking; the brain can tend to only one thing at a time. Being too busy or not being busy is an interpretation of our activity. Busy-ness is a state of mind, not a fact. No matter how much or how little we're doing, we're always just doing what we're doing, simply living this one moment of our lives.

That moment may seem long or short. Time is an internal, not external, reality. Have you noticed that half an hour in the dentist's chair lasts longer than half an hour at a fun dinner party with friends? And five minutes waiting on hold on the phone passes more slowly than five minutes watching a movie. Time is how we live it, not what's measured by the clock (after all, the watch was invented fairly recently, in the 16th century). To be sure, our world operates on clock time, which is convenient and necessary; how else would we make it to that dentist's appointment or dinner party? But the clock is supposed to be working for us, not the other way around. If we feel too busy, we've mistaken a feeling for an objective reality and are held captive to that reality. It needn't be that way.

Okay, you say, good theory: We think we're busy, but we're not—we're just doing one thing after another. But the habit of being convinced we're too busy is hard to shake. What can we do about this persistent mania of feeling task- and time-driven? Understanding something differently is only a beginning. To change the way we live, we have to practice what we've come to understand until it becomes a natural part of us, a habit of thought, feeling, and body. There are many simple techniques that can help us with this. Take three conscious breaths (try it now, as you're reading). This will change your mind. Whatever you're feeling will become less compulsive, less driven. There's a measure of detachment and equanimity even after the first breath. You become more present to your surroundings, to the basic awareness of being alive. Try it the next time you're feeling overwhelmed; it doesn't take much time, and it will help you remember "the one who is not busy," the part of you that's always right there, even when it looks or feels like you're too busy.

Walking meditation—intentionally bringing awareness to your body as you move—can lift you out of a busy-ness-induced, semiconscious funk. If you can become conscious of the way you're moving and the sensation of each movement, you'll feel refreshed instead of rushed. I know what you're thinking: "I'm too busy to go for a walk." But this is something you can do on your way to and from the bathroom. (And if you're really feeling busy, you're probably overdue for a trip there anyway.)

Sometimes just a phrase can help: "Not busy." Remembering our two monks, you can say this softly to yourself when you feel overwhelmed. I do this when I feel crazed; with the repetition of the words, I immediately recognize that it is my feelings and my thoughts that make me feel pressured, not the tasks I have to do. They will get done—or not, and the world and I will survive. Even if I do have a crucial deadline, I'll have a much better chance of making it if I feel "not busy" and can proceed with a calm mind. Feeling frantic doesn't make me more efficient. Quite the contrary, it makes mistakes and glitches more likely.

It goes without saying that if you've bitten off more than you can chew in a day, or in a lifetime, you'd better step back and change your circumstances, if at all possible. Let go of a few activities: Peace of mind is more important, and healthier, than those few extra accomplishments. But if you can't or don't want to change your circumstances, you need to find the most serene and beautiful way to live the life you have.

In the end, if you persistently and unpleasantly feel too busy, remember this: It's not a fact; it's a choice. There is one who is not busy. That one is you."

September 04, 2010

If you've received this by email click hereto go to the web version to get the photos & links.

"Our era's communication devices make it possible for humans to connect in ways never dreamed possible before.

But it's comes at a cost, the equally strong human need for time and space apart....we're all struggling with our connected lives, where we have all these wonderful technologies that pull us together and bring all this information to us.

They are so rich in so many ways, and enriching. But at the same time are imposing a new burden. It's hard to navigate all this information, and all these demands on our attention. And that's the conundrum..I felt it in my work. I felt it in my family life. And I think we're all feeling it.

We're not making the best use of these devices. They're kind of taking over parts of lives that they shouldn't take over. And it seemed like it's not the wisest use or the way to live with them."

No doubt about it. I love research. I love information. I love writing this blog. I love receiving emails.

But sometimes I just need a break from it all. As long as there is a wireless connection, a computer, or an iPod near me it's hard to turn away--turn it off--and just tune out.

As strange as it may sound, it's downright frustrating for me to have so much information arriving via my computer everyday. There's no way to keep up with it all. And forget about sharing it on this blog--impossible. And that becomes another frustration--so much to share--so little time.

So I was thrilled for the chance to spend the weekend away at my friends' circa 1950's cottage at the shores of Lake Chautauqua. Definitely no wireless there. Nothing to do but 1950's stuff. Watch the lake, talk, eat, visit, eat some more, tour around the countryside, play board games, hike, and visit the Chautauqua Institute--that amazing 1890's style Victorian wonderland where you can immerse yourself in the world of music, the arts, politics, history, world views, and religion. I LOVE Chautauqua!

And the weekend's surprising twist: A spur-of-the-moment visit to turn-of-the-century nearby Lily Dale--home to the largest community of authenticated mediums. Yes, I know, very very woo-woo.

Setting the Stage. Four Signs Pointing to a Techno & Work Break

I couldn't stop thinking about the William Powers' interview I heard on NPR's Diane Rehm Show on July 8, 2010.

1. The Internet Sabbath. Pulling the Plug.

The excerpt that got me to thinking: "You know, if you're just constantly connecting, hopping from one person--one task to another, and never stopping to take it inside and really let it go somewhere inside of you; you're not gaining as much as you could from the (technological) devices.

So the point is not to run away from them, but to really achieve some balance. And the way we have to do it, I think is to create more of those (time-out) moments ourselves, by thinking more about our connected lives. That won't happen by accident.

What we do (in our family) is, we call it the "Internet Sabbath"... Friday evenings, we turn off the modem for the household wireless router, and it stays off till Monday.

We found that we were being pulled apart from each other by our computer screens. After dinner, we would go to gather in the living room to be together, and something began to happen.

I noticed this years ago. I call it, "the vanishing family trick." One by one, we would peel off on some flimsy excuse--I have to go check something--I need a glass of water--and we wouldn't come back.

We were each going to our corners of the house, and to really meet up with "the digital crowd," as I call it.

So, we just decided we would do an experiment. My wife and I, we would take these two-days off a week, and be disconnected from this one channel, which is the computer screen. We don't disconnect the phones. We actually still have our mobile phones, but they're not smart phones, so no email is coming in.

And basically, it's sort of back to physical togetherness in the third dimension in our house, back to the voice, where people call us if they want to reach us.

We do regulate TV carefully, but we enjoy it together, including on the weekends.

But the internet stuff, the digital stuff, that we find, if taken to excess could be so draining, and was leaching so much out of our family life. It's ramped down for those two-days, and we find the benefits.

We enjoy our connected time more, Monday through Fridays because we've been disconnected just a few days earlier. It's again, this idea of balance."

2. And then there was my early Monday morning yoga instructor, who kept sharing with us the wisdom of "just enjoying time accomplishing nothing", being unproductive--like this quote from Chinese writer Lyn Yutang:

“If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live.”

On August 15, the same message appeared in the New York Times--the story of 5 brain researchers who hit the backcountry in Utah to explore what happens to the brain when it disconnects from emails, smartphones and computers. It's definitely worth reading. "Outdoors and Out of Reach, Studying the Brain", by Matt Richtel, New York Times, 8/15/10.

The take-away points:

Heavy technology use can inhibit deep thought and cause anxiety, and getting out into nature can help.

A seminal study from the University of Michigan showed people can learn better after walking in the woods, than after walking on city streets--the learning centers of the brain are taxed when we have too much information to process--even when just walking on a city street. Some researchers believe heavy multitasking actually fatigues the brain, impairing its ability to focus.

When we're always anticipating new emails, text messages, or new information coming in--we "tie-up" a certain amount of "working brain power" just anticipating the next new thing that will be coming in. There's less space in the brain to store new ideas, to analyze them, and to even decide how to use the new information.

Getting out into nature--and disconnecting allows for deeper conversations, and deeper thoughts--without interruption. "There's a real mental freedom in knowing no one or nothing can interrupt you." I'll second that one!

Downtime gives you the opportunity for uncluttered thinking. All the scientists felt more reflective, quieter, more focused while out in nature--and disconnected from the world.

Oh What a Day!--Thursday--the Day Before We Head to Chautauqua

I'm up at 5:45 am in order to get everything done that I need to do before I can head out the door at 9:00 am packed & ready to go, for spinning, yoga, and my late-day at work. I'm in high-octane productive mode.

I promised Julia Grayer I'd post about the release of her eye-opening documentary, "Chow Down" today. No way out of that one. Had to do it before I left for work. News Flash from a reader: "Chow Down" is available free on Hulu. Click here.

I promised friend Barb that I'd send out some email inquiries this morning to B & Bs for our September weekend trip to Niagara-on-the-Lake. We'd already waited way too long on this. Couldn't put this one off.

I had laundry to do to get ready for our trip, and our bathroom contractor needed to talk to me NOW--before I left the house. I just wanted to get out the door--not to talk to him or make quickie decisions about anything.

I work late on Thursday and fit in a spinning & yoga class before the workday begins at noon. To make it all happen I need to pack up work clothes, make a Green Smoothie, pack lunch, and dinner before I head out the door.

I knew work was definitely going to be a challenge. We were loading a brand-new version of the software I work with all day, everyday. Everything needed to go smoothly or we would be in big trouble--and I needed to learn how to use it fast--before the day ended. There was no way this electronic journal service could be off-line any longer than necessary. Yeah! Everything fell into place. But, I still needed to stay late to complete a complicated literature search before I could head home.

Got home at 9:30 pm and found out our Niagara B & B reservation was overbooked. Back to square one--and back on the computer til 11:30 to find a new place. I just wanted to get organized for the trip & crawl into bed.

Up at 6:00 am to pack up for Chautauqua-food for 2 dinners, 2 breakfasts, 3 lunches. Thank goodness my husband had already made Mediterranean Lentil Salad and Caramelized Onion Penne with Sage Crumbs.

Chautauqua R & R - Back to the 1950's

The 1950's Cottage

Straight to the Rocking Chair for Me

My Husband, Too

Setting off for a Hike - Canada in the Distance

Our Wonderful Hosts

Cruising the Countryside - Amish Quilts, Farmer's & Flea Markets

Off to the Chautauqua Institute to See 81-year old Bob Newhart's Performance

The Medium is the Message at Lily Dale - This Girl's Just Gotta Have Fun

Here's my way-out-there story.

Saturday morning I woke up rested & refreshed, but I just had to share a wacky dream I had with my husband & our hosts. It was about a younger version of parents, dancing & having a ball, wanting me to join in--and then my dad suddenly gets sick, and my mom rescues him.

While we ate breakfast my husband browsed through a Chautauqua magazine he found on the cottage's coffee table.

Me: "No way. Not interested in dream analysis, and there's no way there's a class like that at Chautauqua. Are you kidding? It's Supreme Court Week. Where does it say this class is being held, anyway? "

My husband: "It says it's at Lily Dale."

Me: "Oh, that must in the area. That's the mysterious-odd-fascinating place I heard about on NPR a few years back. It's this quaint 1890's village--a summer home to mediums and spiritualists--whatever that means." click here for the NPR show.

My husband: "Hey if it's close by, let's check it out on the way home. It'll be a adventure." (BTW, this is not my husband's usual style, at all.)

Me: "Are you sure? Who knows if we can even get in or what it costs." I was definitely a little skeptical, but since it really was just 40 minutes out of our way, I decided to go along for the ride.

We leave the cottage around noon on Sunday, heading northeast for Lily Dale, arriving at 12:30. It's the last day of the season, and we pay $5.00 each to enter this kitschy Victorian-style community.

Lily Dale

The friendly woman at the gate tells us to park our car, and head over to "Inspiration Stump", in the middle of the woods to hear the daily inspirational message. "You'll love it," she tells us. We have no idea what we're going to hear--but we follow the crowd--taking a seat on a bench in a rustic-sort-of amphitheater, with about 250 other people.

I ask the two women seated next to me if they've ever been here before. "Oh yes. It's really a very special place. A few of the resident mediums are going to speak to some people in the audience. Just listen to their messages--maybe one of them will also feel meaningful to you."

Honestly, I'm not a believer in this sort of thing. Don't know a thing about mediums, nor have I ever had a strong desire to communicate with any relatives who have passed away.

Here's the scene. Each medium greets the audience, and then they seek out a few people for whom they have a specific message from a relative. Example: I'm looking for a Susan, who is wearing a blue shirt, has long blond hair, is around 30 years old, and had a boyfriend who died in a motorcycle accident in high school. The medium locates the "sought-after" Susan in the audience, and ask her if she's thinking about moving to Arizona to take a new job. Did she go to college in Syracuse? All these specific questions are answered with yes, and yes, and yes.

The basis message I got for The Stump, was:

1. Fight the fear and inertia we all have that makes us want to just stay home, stay where it's comfortable, and do the same-old-same-old. Be open to new experiences.

And then, with 10 minutes left to go, the next medium starts looking in my way. "I'm looking for the lady in an orange shirt, who is slumping down in her seat so I don't notice her."

Oh no. Please not me. My heart started racing, and I just shook my head in agreement as I listened to his message, for me, supposedly from my mom. Honestly, I was too nervous to really remember the details, but here are the basics:

"I see a woman with her hands on her hips, wanting to tell you something very important. Kind of admonishing you. It's either your mom, or a woman who is like a mother-figure to you.

She's saying you're way too hard on yourself, and you expect more from yourself than anyone else expects from you, and more than you need to. She always wanted you to distinguish yourself, to stand above the crowd, and you have--so relax. You need to lighten up, be easier on yourself, and take more time out for fun. I see the seashore. I see amusement parks. I see cotton candy. (that one made me laugh--that's the last thing I can imagine eating.)

She wants you to know how important it is "To Take Time Out for Fun".

Does this make sense to you? It's just the images and feelings I'm getting from her. Only you know will know what any of this means."

I got all teary as he spoke, and I had the strongest sense that this was the exact message I needed to hear, right now.

Would it have made sense if he had given it to any other person seated in the audience? Is it just a universal message for all of us? Perhaps. But my mom was one-hardworking lady, who always put off "taking time out to just relax, enjoy, & travel". She waited until it was too late for her. Serious illness hit my dad, and then her, before they ever had a chance to do all the fun things they had planned to do.

I had started out this weekend just wanting to disconnect, and have some plain old-fashioned fun (complete with Bob Newhart--how old-fashioned is that?)--and that's exactly what I got.

Plus one-heck-of-a surprising message. Maybe it just came from a Lily Dale medium--or maybe it really came from my mom. It doesn't matter. It was exactly what I needed to hear at this point in my life.

As we drove home, my husband said to me, "Think about this. If you hadn't mentioned your wacky dream to me, I never would have noticed that "dream analysis" class in the Chautauqua brochure. If there hadn't been an insert map in the brochure that showed us how close Lily Dale was, we never would have ventured over there. And how odd that we got there at the exact time they were meeting at "The Stump". And how odd that you got picked out of the crowd of 250. Maybe it's more than coincidence."

Be Sure to Take Serious Time Out for Fun This Labor Day Weekend!

Post script: This week I picked-up my new bike--the one that my husband was nagging me to buy! I love it. A Specialized Ariel Sport--works for trails, bike paths, & on the road. We inaugurated it yesterday on a two-hour tow-path ride, and got drenched in the rain, midway. No matter. It was fun. We head for shelter, enjoyed our picnic lunch--and met up with an older couple who had sold off all their worldly goods, and packed 180 pounds of gear on to the back of their tandem bike. They were headed for Key West, camping & biking all the way. Wish them luck. It sure didn't look fun to me.

January 25, 2009

We all have our image of what the perfect weekend might be: being outdoors, hanging out with friends, snoozing in a hammock, sailing, golfing, couch potato-ing. But here's the thing. We never actually have those weekends we dream about.

Funny how we always have such high hopes for the weekend. And the number one wish--relax & just hang-out rarely happens. It gets pushed to the bottom of the pile by grocery shopping, errands, laundry, family obligations, our kid's athletic practices & games, and you can fill in the blanks.....

So How Would You Change Your Weekends If You Knew Your Days Were Numbered?

Kathryn Kern was a tour guide leading small groups on exotic month-long adventures--until September 2002, when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. It took 2 years of treatment, and when she finally emerged from the fog of recovery, the travel industry had tanked and she was out of a job.

She landed a job in the 9-5+++ corporate world, and like all of us she couldn't wait for the weekend. But she soon found out her weekends were filled with CHORES--and that left little time for the kind of adventures she was hoping for. Something had to change. After surviving cancer, she wanted more for her life than work and weekend chores!

Here's How Kathryn Kern Reclaimed Her Weekends with Her 9-Step Program

**my comments in orange.

1. Unless I am expecting a call, I let my voicemail screen my calls, no matter what. This makes me less accessible and gives me the ability to prioritize and call back at my convenience. We bought a phone that enables Caller ID and it's a huge help. Toll-free solicitation calls are ignored and if someone doesn't leave a message (like our kids), the phone still records who has called--and we can return the call even if there isn't a message.

2. Designate ring tones to people I want to hear from (and not hear from). Our kids have special rings!

3. Let people know that email is my preferred method of communication and that they are likely to get a response faster through this medium. Seems like many of my friends already use email to leave a message rather than phone. We all know how even quickie phone calls often turn longer than expected.

4. Only check my personal email once a day on the weekend, if at all. I would definitely like to stay away from the computer at least one day on the weekend--it would free up a lot of wasted time!

5. Do not over-schedule on the weekend. Try to keep the weekend schedule simple and flexible. Yes, Yes!

6. Spread the chores over weekdays so that they are not part of the plans for the weekend. Brilliant, if you can manage it. This is my favorite Kern suggestion!

7. When a paid company holiday falls on a Friday or Monday, take a vacation day the day before or the day after, creating a four-day weekend.

8. Only spend time with happy people. Like this one too!

9. Say no frequently.

According to Kern, it's all about setting boundaries! Something I'm not very good about.

How is she spending her weekends now? They're relaxing. She spends a lot of time hiking and dabbling in a number of hobbies she's passionate about.

Would she have been so hard-nosed about her weekends if she had not had breast cancer? No! She says that she was always thinking about everybody except herself. It was hard to live in the moment. But now she does, because she realizes how precious life is.

My Perfect Weekend. A Movie Recommendation & Recipes

I didn't really plan anything special this weekend. It all just happened. And it was perfect.

Friday Night. On the spur-of-the-moment my husband & I saw Clint Eastwood's Gran Torino. Do not miss it! It's the perfect guy-gal movie. There's tough-guy Eastwood with violence, revenge & foul language for the men. A tender story of second chances, atonement & reconciliation for the women. This just may turn out to be one of my all-time favorites. Really! It's like my other fave: The Visitor but on steroids.

78 year-old Eastwood plays the angry bigoted Korean War veteran Walt Kowalski — a gun-toting widower living in Detroit near the struggling Ford auto plant and even nearer to the Asian immigrants crowding him out of his run-down, racially mixed neighborhood. His wife has just died and his relationships with his sons and grandchildren are zilcho-zippo-nada. But then, things change..... If you aren't seeing the short video, just click here!

Saturday Morning. Prepped my dinner for company that was coming over at 6:30. Headed over to Jo's house for morning Mah Jongg with the gal pals and a healthy delicious lunch. In 3 hours we only played 2 games, because most of the time was spent laughing, talking & eating. Typical.

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line a baking pan with tinfoil (for easy clean up). Brush the flesh of the sweet potatoes with 2 teaspoons olive oil; roast flesh side down for 40-45 minutes, or until tender when pierced with a fork. Scoop out the flesh and discard the skins.

Working in batches, puree the soup in a blender until smooth; return to the pot over low heat. Add the coconut milk and salt, and stir occasionally until the soup is thoroughly combined and heated, about 10 minutes. Season to taste with salt. If you prefer a thinner soup, simply add a bit more water or broth until desired consistency is reached.

The Rest of the Weekend

Saturday Night. Dinner at home with friends. African Sweet Potato Pineapple Peanut Soup, salad, crusty bread & Vegan with a Vengeance's Asparagus and Sun-dried Tomato Frittata. Multiple games of Euchre (a first for me) and we were able to cajole our skeptical friends into a SingStar Karaoke competition. We sang, Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, the Monkee's Daydream Believer, John Lennon's Imagine, Ray Charles' Hit the Road Jack, the Rolling Stones' Sympathy for the Devil and more, until our voices gave out and we couldn't keep our eyes open a minute longer.

Here's what my non-singing friend Tess had to say: What a terrific time we had last night! I can't believe how much I loved the singing game. I'm looking forward to Euchre rematch #2!

November 16, 2008

Doesn't it sound great to stay home all day, camping "in"--all cozy with nothing to do but what you want to do? My boss clued me into this "Real Life Adventure" cartoon from 11/11/08--and I was looking forward all week to my own "camping in" adventure this weekend.

How did I get so lucky? My husband is down in Florida for five days to "entertain" (really-he's a funny guy) my mother-in-law who is convalescing from successful cancer surgery. We've been tag teaming. He was there the weekend before the surgery--I was there for the surgery--and he's back down there for post-surgery entertaining. And my fantastic & amazing sister-in-law is there all the time! If you're new to this blog I talked about my mother-in-law's experiences here and here.

So What Am I Going to Do? Absolutely Nothing!

Do you know how nice it is to have the house all to yourself? No plans. No work.

On the rare occasions that my husband is out-of-town I book the time with fun events with my friends or I've got BIG IMPORTANT STUFF to do. Not this time. Except for Sunday--it was pre-arranged--a lecture by best-selling author Sarah Vowell. I've never heard of Sarah Vowell, but she's on This American Life--so what could be bad? It's bound to be an adventure.

My entire life I've shared a bedroom. First with my sister--and actually we shared a double bed while growing up. In college I always had a roommate--in fact 6 of us shared a 2 bedroom 2 bath apartment. From college it was marriage--shared bed--shared bathroom. Then kids. I'm not complaining--but I am looking forward to this weekend. A bedroom--a bathroom--a house--all to myself.

I'm not cleaning or organizing a single thing in this house this weekend.

I'm not planning or pre-cooking our Thanksgiving feast.

I'm about to cook a new recipe because I want to: Palestinian Lentils and Rice with Crispy Onions. It's supposed to be amazing! Click here for the recipe. Update: This is fantastic! The gym buddy who recommended it to me said her son stuffs it into a whole wheat pita & tops it with some feta. She often mixes up a tzatziki sauce with Greek yoghurt, cucumber & dill. Double the cumin; cut the onions very thin. If you can figure out a way to cut the oil, let me know. Use canola oil instead of olive oil--drops the sat fat from 2.7 grams to 1.3 grams.

I may do some computer research, reading and blogging--but only if I feel like it.

By the time Tuesday rolls around I know I'll be tired of all this unplanned quiet time with nothing to do but what I want to do. But in the meantime I'm having a good old-fashioned-blanket-over-the-card-table "Camp In".

Sleeping on the porch - Refilling my empty nest - Schlepping around the country - Living out of a suitcase in my own house.

It all adds up to stepping away from LIFE AS USUAL. It brings into sharper focus the HABITS AND PRACTICES that are working and the HABITS AND PRACTICES that are not. The "I've Learned a Few Things" List Continues.

6.) Google Brain. I've got it, I admit it & it's time to do something about it. Nicholas Carr describes the condition well in his July/August 2008 essay in the Atlantic Monthly, "Is Google Making Us Stupid?"

When you start getting good at scanning; when the task of reading a full essay in the Sunday New York Times Magazine seems way too time-consuming; when it seems impossible sit down & read a detailed book like Jeffrey Toobin's, The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court; when your flitting from one hyperlink to the next, never lingering longer than 2 minutes on a page---You've got GOOGLE BRAIN.

Carr's description of himself, sounds like he's describing me:

"My mind isn’t going—so far as I can tell—but it’s changing. I’m not thinking the way I used to think. I can feel it most strongly when I’m reading. Immersing myself in a book or a lengthy article used to be easy. My mind would get caught up in the narrative or the turns of the argument, and I’d spend hours strolling through long stretches of prose. That’s rarely the case anymore. Now my concentration often starts to drift after two or three pages. I get fidgety, lose the thread, begin looking for something else to do. I feel as if I’m always dragging my wayward brain back to the text. The deep reading that used to come naturally has become a struggle."

My solution: Resist the magnetic lure of the computer. Let's face it, clicking from one site to the next is like eating an energy bar for breakfast, when you really should be eating a bowl of home-cooked oatmeal! For me, this means I need to find a quiet place--and just read--the printed page. Those wireless TV earphones my husband plans to purchase will definitely help in the "quiet" department.

When I find worthwhile articles or essays on the internet I just print them off so I can read them slowly, carefully, thoughtfully, without distraction. "Deep reading" on a computer screen? Forget about it!

We're creatures of habit, and resurrecting old habits (like "deep reading") requires practice. Scanning is good sometimes--when you're looking to separate the junk from the serious information--but watch out if that's all you're doing. You'll soon find out you haven't learned a thing.

7.) Laptop Addiction. I love my laptop, but it was getting out-of-control. It sits on top of my kitchen-family-room island, in the heart of my home. I start my day checking out my email & favorite sites. I end my day checking out my email & favorite sites.

Every single house guest we have had gravitates right to my laptop--asks if they can use it--and then they (like me) quickly get sucked in. The "net result" is unsatisfying conversations with friends & relatives who are typing away and talking at the same time.

I knew I was hooked when Son #2 and my husband, both big computer users themselves, started to say, "You're always on the computer!" I started to use it "on the sly" when my husband went out of the room, or my son went to take a shower. Yep, I was addicted!

When I read about Mark Bitman's own technology addiction in the March 2, 2008 New York Times, "I Need a Virtual Break. No, Really" I listened up. He knew he had gone too far when he was taking his laptop to bed and making long-distance calls on an airplane. It was time for "A Secular Sabbath" - "A Techno Holiday". Bitman describes how hard it was to break free. That twitchy, jumpiness we all get when the electricity goes out. We don't know what to do with ourselves:

On my first weekend last fall, I eagerly shut it all down on Friday night, then went to bed to read. (I chose Saturday because my rules include no television, and I had to watch the Giants on Sunday). I woke up nervous, eager for my laptop. That forbidden, I reached for the phone. No, not that either. Send a text message? No. I quickly realized that I was feeling the same way I do when the electricity goes out and, finding one appliance nonfunctional, I go immediately to the next. I was jumpy, twitchy, uneven.

I managed. I read the whole paper, without hyperlinks. I tried to let myself do nothing, which led to a long, MP3-free walk, a nap and some more reading, an actual novel. I drank herb tea (caffeine was not helpful) and stared out the window. I tried to allow myself to be less purposeful, not to care what was piling up in my personal cyberspace, and not to think about how busy I was going to be the next morning. I cooked, then went to bed, and read some more.

GRADUALLY, over this and the next couple of weekends — one of which stretched from Friday night until Monday morning, like the old days — I adapted.

This summer I finally had a chance to break free and experience my own Techno-Free Holiday! No computer access at my mother-in-law's. And I left my computer behind when we traveled to New York. I only brought it to St. Louis to get directions around town, and turned it off after that. Yes, I got twitchy & jumpy & was dying to log on, but I resisted. And the urge passed.

I started enjoying the computer-free life. It's still on my kitchen island, but I'm valiantly trying to dial back the online time. It can be a seductive time-waster if I'm not paying attention, and since I only have so much free time, I'm paying attention.

I haven't tried the Secular Sabbath at home yet, but it's sounding like a fantastic idea. Long walks, reading, no TV, no phone, no computer.

8.) When All Your Instincts Go On Alert Mode-Relax, Take a Deep Breath, Shut-up and Chill Out. It's in my genetic make-up. When it's time for calm quick-thinking my brain pumps up my adrenaline and makes me hyper-alert. Not a good thing.

Picture this: Two hayseeds driving through New York City, with 15 different highways, parkways, and bridges to navigate & the GPS quits. I've got the maps on my lap. I'm a good navigator, but hubby asks me to reprogram the GPS ASAP, just to be on the "safe side". That means I can't pay attention to the roads, the upcoming merges, the maps. All my instincts say this is a bad idea. My fingers start to fumble, my heart starts to race, but I say to myself, "Take a deep breath, relax. Calm down!" And it worked. I reprogrammed that darn GPS, hitched it up to windshield & it was all because I did it slowly and calmly. I've followed this advice through a torrential downpour, and while driving my nemesis, the "window-less cargo van". I think I'm on to something!