I Have No Time for the Kids, Please Help

In this counseling answer: •You don’t have to do all the home chores by yourself. Let the father be involved in the lives of the kids’ and in managing the home. •Ask for help from the father and grandparents or you may employ a servant to help in home chores. All you have to do is sitting down with yourself and your husband to manage your life. •Start with a written daily schedule and put it in a place where you’ll see it often such as on the refrigerator door and follow it strictly. As-Salamu `Alaykum sister, Thanks for your concern&hellip;

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N (36_female_Canada)

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Jan 17, 2019

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I've been so busy doing so many things at the same time that I completely forgot to sit down to play with my kids. Let me tell you, managing the three kids at the same time isn’t really fun. The mother has to cook, clean and take care of the baby while the other two refuse to do their homework all the time. They are about to grow up with very low aspirations, because time just goes too quickly for them to work on the skills they want to obtain. I'm out of my mind.

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In this counseling answer:

•You don’t have to do all the home chores by yourself. Let the father be involved in the lives of the kids’ and in managing the home.

•Ask for help from the father and grandparents or you may employ a servant to help in home chores. All you have to do is sitting down with yourself and your husband to manage your life.

•Start with a written daily schedule and put it in a place where you’ll see it often such as on the refrigerator door and follow it strictly.

As-Salamu `Alaykum sister,

Thanks for your concern about developing your children’s skills. It’s a continuous task and can be done in your everyday life with different activities.

The whole thing with cleaning the home, cooking, baby care and helping with homework routine should be managed and set in a time table.

You don’t have to do all the home chores by yourself. Let the father be involved in the lives of the kids’ and in managing the home. Ask for help from the father and grandparents or you may employ a servant to help in home chores. All you have to do is sitting down with yourself and your husband to manage your life. Start with a written daily schedule and put it in a place where you’ll see it often such as on the refrigerator door and follow it strictly.

Check out this counseling video

Yes sister, “managing the three kids at the same time isn’t really fun”, but you can make it fun and useful for you and the whole family:

-The best predictor of a child’s success is that they begin helping with household chores at a small age.

-It’ll be a chance to teach personal responsibility to your children by letting them help with home chores, particularly with tasks that help support their development.

-Completing chores teach organizational skills in the house, and they also teach accountability and responsibility. One also learns to be a bit more considerate of others space as well as the communal space.

-Begin by setting tasks that you know they can fulfill.

-If there is a task that they can do while you are holding the baby, why not!

-Through these ideas you can focus on the family’s skills and enjoyment and sit back to watch how they interacted with each other.

Second, study time is a good time to interact with your daughters and develop their skills:

-Setting a regular time to do homework helps your daughters to finish assignments. The best time is one that works for your child and your family. A good schedule depends on your daughters’ age as well as their specific needs.

-You’ll need to work with your daughters to develop a schedule. You may find it helpful to write out this schedule and put it in a place where you’ll see it often.

-Have a required amount of time that the daughters must devote to homework or some other learning activities each school night (the length of time can vary depending upon the child’s age).

-Talking and asking questions can help your child think through an assignment and break it down into small, manageable parts.

-Try having all family members take part in a quiet activity during homework time. You may need to take a small one into another room to play or you may make it a sleeping time for the baby. By this way, you can avoid the distractions and give the other two daughters your whole attention.

-Be aware of negative non-verbal messages. Many messages, especially negative ones, can be communicated easily without your awareness. If children are sensitive, they will pick up these messages which can only add to the tension of the homework relationship. This is extremely important with younger children who cannot distinguish between loss of parental approval and loss of love. Such a state can only add stress to their ability to perform.

-Let your daughters know that homework is a high priority.

Everyday activities can also nurture developmental skills:

-Involve them in outside activities such as sports or Qur`an lessons.

-Turn off the TV and discourage your daughters from making and receiving social telephone calls during the day.

-Show your daughters that the skills they are learning are important part of the things they’ll do as an adult.

-Let them see you reading books, newspapers and computer screens; writing reports, letters, e-mails and lists; using math to balance your checkbook or to measure for new carpeting; doing other things that require thought and effort. Tell your daughters about what you do.

-Help your daughters to use every day routines to support the skills they’re learning—for example, teach them to play word and math games; help them to look up information about things in which they’re interested—dolls, cars, space travel and so forth.

-Talk with them about what they see and hear as all of you walk through the neighborhood; go shopping at the mall or visit a zoo or museum.

-Give your daughters a situation and ask them to think of all the possible consequences. Encourage them to think about their actions and how they affect themselves and others.

-Encourages daughters to think about the natural world around them.

-Buy special toys for your daughters and games to stimulate our child’s development.

-Interact with your daughters by talking, singing, playing, eating, and reading with them. Your daughters will grow up feeling special and important to you. You will also learn a lot about your daughters’ interests and skills.

-Read, read, read. Research has shown that children who are read to by their parents have a larger vocabulary than other children. Reading also provides children with new perspectives about the world we live in.

-Limit TV time and video time to no more than 1-2 hours of educational viewing per day.

-Parenting is wonderful but challenging and requires both parents to share in the tasks. Ask for help when you need it from your family, friends, and your daughters’ doctor. Give your daughters lots of love and attention. No matter what a child’s age, holding, hugging, and listening are important ways to show your child how much you love and care.

Ask Allah to guide and help you. May Allah bless you and your family.

***

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