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15 May 2014

June Tais One On

A few weeks ago at work, someone put a flyer on the refrigerator, or "refridge," as Ned likes to call it.

(Once he referred to "the refridge" and then he said, "Why did I just call it that? I've never said 'refridge' in my life." So now naturally that's all we ever call that thing that stands empty in my kitchen.)

(Also, in my family, someone once said "big-boneded" and now that's all we say.)

(OH MY GOD with the straying from the point.)

So, I looked at the flyer, and it offered free fitness classes on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays at the park downtown, by the fountain. I like how I clarify that for you, as if you live here. "Ohhhh, by the fountain! Thanks, June!"

"You guys! We should do this!" I screeched to the Alexes at work. "This sounds so great!"

No one got it, as Zoom was a thing when their parents were zygotes. Remember when they sang the zip code? Ohhh two onnnne three fourrrr.

Finally I got people to agree to go to damn fitness in the park by the fountain, and I was all excited, then Monday came.

"Oh, I can't go. I tutor my student on Monday," I said.

On Tuesday, Ned and I were going to the movies. Guess who abhors me. Is it every Alex at work?

So FINALLY, last night I went to tai chi, and I was really hoping we'd be taking a class to learn how to straighten our hair, seeing as the word "chi" was involved.

See. I kid in my hilarious way. I know all about the chi, because I lived in Los Angeles, and you could literally go to a tea shop and tell the tea bartender your woes, and he'd blend a tea for you based on what part of your chi was blocked. God forbid you just want a little Red Zinger.

Once I went to an acupuncturist, and one thing Marvin was quite tolerant of was all my appointments to get cupping and detoxified and so on. So I came home from acupuncture and he pretended to care. "How was your appointment? What'd the 'doctor' say?" he rolled his eyes at 'doctor.'

"Well, I'll tell you, but I really want you to cut it out. Chinese medicine is a real thing, and just because you're a white man from the Midwest doesn't mean you have to be so closed-minded. Can I tell you what he said, and you won't act like a dick?"

Marvin promised he wouldn't act like a dick.

"He said my liver chi is out of whack. And that makes total sense because..." I forget now why I thought it made total sense, other than that I am the world's most gullible person. So I went on and on about my liver chi, and how I needed to fix my liver chi, and when I was done, Marvin said, "I just have one question and don't get mad."

"What."

"What's liver cheese?"

Sigh.

Anyway, I went to get my chi on last night with NonAlex.

Dudes. Why did I bring a yoga mat to tai chi? Do you have any idea? Jesus.

Anyway, there were probably 30 of us, and our leader was 107 years old. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SHIT HE COULD DO. He could bend and squat and hold his leg out for 47 minutes and TAI CHI WAS REALLY HARD. Who knew? Also, my ankle that I sprained in November is still screwed up. It really is.

So I will go to more workouts at the fountain, with Alexes or not. It was delightful. Oh, and you might want to hold on to your hat, because afterward I went to the pretentious hippie coop and got hippie baked chicken, vegetarian jambalaya and curried cauliflower. I KNOW. Then I got a migraine.

Comments

June Tais One On

A few weeks ago at work, someone put a flyer on the refrigerator, or "refridge," as Ned likes to call it.

(Once he referred to "the refridge" and then he said, "Why did I just call it that? I've never said 'refridge' in my life." So now naturally that's all we ever call that thing that stands empty in my kitchen.)

(Also, in my family, someone once said "big-boneded" and now that's all we say.)

(OH MY GOD with the straying from the point.)

So, I looked at the flyer, and it offered free fitness classes on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesdays at the park downtown, by the fountain. I like how I clarify that for you, as if you live here. "Ohhhh, by the fountain! Thanks, June!"

"You guys! We should do this!" I screeched to the Alexes at work. "This sounds so great!"

No one got it, as Zoom was a thing when their parents were zygotes. Remember when they sang the zip code? Ohhh two onnnne three fourrrr.

Finally I got people to agree to go to damn fitness in the park by the fountain, and I was all excited, then Monday came.

"Oh, I can't go. I tutor my student on Monday," I said.

On Tuesday, Ned and I were going to the movies. Guess who abhors me. Is it every Alex at work?

So FINALLY, last night I went to tai chi, and I was really hoping we'd be taking a class to learn how to straighten our hair, seeing as the word "chi" was involved.

See. I kid in my hilarious way. I know all about the chi, because I lived in Los Angeles, and you could literally go to a tea shop and tell the tea bartender your woes, and he'd blend a tea for you based on what part of your chi was blocked. God forbid you just want a little Red Zinger.

Once I went to an acupuncturist, and one thing Marvin was quite tolerant of was all my appointments to get cupping and detoxified and so on. So I came home from acupuncture and he pretended to care. "How was your appointment? What'd the 'doctor' say?" he rolled his eyes at 'doctor.'

"Well, I'll tell you, but I really want you to cut it out. Chinese medicine is a real thing, and just because you're a white man from the Midwest doesn't mean you have to be so closed-minded. Can I tell you what he said, and you won't act like a dick?"

Marvin promised he wouldn't act like a dick.

"He said my liver chi is out of whack. And that makes total sense because..." I forget now why I thought it made total sense, other than that I am the world's most gullible person. So I went on and on about my liver chi, and how I needed to fix my liver chi, and when I was done, Marvin said, "I just have one question and don't get mad."

"What."

"What's liver cheese?"

Sigh.

Anyway, I went to get my chi on last night with NonAlex.

Dudes. Why did I bring a yoga mat to tai chi? Do you have any idea? Jesus.

Anyway, there were probably 30 of us, and our leader was 107 years old. YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THE SHIT HE COULD DO. He could bend and squat and hold his leg out for 47 minutes and TAI CHI WAS REALLY HARD. Who knew? Also, my ankle that I sprained in November is still screwed up. It really is.

So I will go to more workouts at the fountain, with Alexes or not. It was delightful. Oh, and you might want to hold on to your hat, because afterward I went to the pretentious hippie coop and got hippie baked chicken, vegetarian jambalaya and curried cauliflower. I KNOW. Then I got a migraine.