1/27/12

"God, My Will and Not Yours"

Just the other day...I sat praying, begging even, for God to give me something that I just knew was going to make my life amazing. It was certainly what He wanted me to have ("wink") because of the way little details kept falling into place...so, it just had to be a "of Him", right?!

Ah, how easily we allow ourselves to be tricked when we are blinded by our own desires!

I was praying for something that was out of His will for my life. I was dead set that He would answer my prayer just the way I wanted, though and determined that I would "just pray hard enough". And while God kept nudging me to move on, I kept going back to MY plan like a gazelle so full of thirst, it foolishly drinks out of a pond teeming with crocodiles.

Looking back, I can admire one thing alone, my tenacity to go to God with my request again and again and again. Tenacity in prayer and seeing a 'result' through eyes of faith is a WONDERFUL thing and is something the Bible clearly teaches. But continuing to pray for something when it is against the will of God...that just keeps you stuck. Like, really stuck.

In my pride, I basically said to God, "I trust MY will, and not Your will."

Ouch.

Sounds a lot like the nation of Israel, right?! Stuck in the dessert. Going in circles. Unwilling to trust and surrender.

I stayed there for a while. Stuck. Wandering. Wasting time. Gaining lots of head knowledge, but not applying it to my life. I kept walls up, against God, as I insisted in going my own way.

Yeeeaaars later (that's a long time, people)...I finally got it. I let go. I surrendered. I obeyed. I finally said, "Not my way. Your way. Please God...I'm sick of being stuck".

And can you guess what happened next?

The dam broke. Life flowed...abundantly. His plan and His way engulfed my very small life. Imagine standing in a river at the bottom of a mountain in the middle of a monsoon...you WILL get swept away!

"...but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it."Matt 16:25

"...I have come that they may have life, and have it more abundantly." John 10:10

Later on, even years after I surrendered and the "dam broke", my full-of-mercy God graciously showed me why He said no to my prayer. He doesn't always show us why. He doesn't need to show us why. In this case, I certainly didn't ask Him. But sometimes Daddies like to surprise us with gifts...especially the kind that teach us to walk in even greater freedom.

The night He showed me why my prayers went unanswered was powerful, to say the least. Life-changing. I ended up oozing tears as the truth washed over me and set me free and proved to me what I already knew but can stand to learn over and over...

My God is SOVEREIGN.

Those years I wasted, thinking He was withholding from me...

He was really just loving me.

Because that's what fathers do.

___________

You can trust the Father.

"Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails."Prov 19:21