Wednesday, July 1, 2009

In my neighborhood new babies are celebrated, as they probably are in yours, and in so many other locations, with much ado and great fanfare. There is much anticipation and celebration before the birth. Friends and neighbors can’t do enough. Mother is feted with parties. Fathers strut and preen as proud peacocks do. Jubilation is everywhere in the air.

After the birth, beaming parents parade bright-eyed, trusting, innocent, eager-to-learn newborns around for all to see the precious additions to the community. The babies are all duly oohed, ahhed and awed over as the beautiful miracles they are conceived to be.

All too soon some of the babies are being referred to as demanding, spoiled, manipulating, brats-usually with colorful references to the other biological parent as the cause, whether said influence is in residence or not. Basic genetics at work? Babies born bad and soon to be meaner than junk yard dogs? So it would seem if one listens and believes.

By toddlerhood it looks like the bullies are in control of everything but them selves…brutally smacking and tormenting anything that doesn’t move out of the way fast enough…including smaller babies and bigger, cowering siblings, harried caretakers, and stunned strangers.

Watching this play out year after year, I wonder where each sweet, innocent, prized and precious baby went. Where did this little terrorizing tyrant come from? The answer is usually obvious to anyone who watches…and it has nothing to do with changelings and ghoulish goblins who “pushed their way in and pulled baby out, leaving another made of ice.” (Maurice Sendak)

Almost all relatives, and those living in the neighborhood, offer advice when the bullying characteristics appear…”you’d better beat the devil out of that one while you can or you’ll be sorry later!” And many will do their perceived neighborly duty. They will help by yelling and swatting the child at every opportunity. And there will be opportunities- many- as the bully-baby roams with little supervision and rampages at will.

Not yet verbal, he becomes an easy target for blame by anyone seeking to shift responsibility or attention… which increases the smacks, swats, and beatings…which increases the bullying behaviors…

The child learns…what he is taught…behind closed doors and in the open.

And no one involved, who should have been watching, is ever willing to “…go outside over there to rescue her baby.” (Maurice Sendak)

Until…the child is dragged or pushed to a doctor, then drugged based on a caregiver’s description of the born-bad child and professional observation of a child obviously disruptive and lacking self-control.

The child, not yet grown, will teach as he has learned. Eventually, the child comes of age and will reproduce in his or her own image. Of that you can be sure.

But if the child is lucky, if you are lucky, if we all are lucky, perhaps there was one, who “never knowing, hugged the changeling and ... murmured: ‘How I love you’.”

And that one person...perhaps its you?... knowing love, and giving it, can make all the difference for the child born "good" who never would have been otherwise. Of that you also can rest assured.

Take Care...Be Aware! Watch for Amber Alerts Here.

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About Most of the Children...

The children whose pictures are on this Blog are not abused or neglected...at least not to my knowledge! Or should I say no more than what falls within a "normal" range... for in my opinion all children experience some degree of abuse and neglect...if only from their own perspectives.

These children may look "neglected" in some cases but it is a momentary thing, as happens in the lives of all healthy children. Any child who is never rumpled or dirty is more likely to be at risk from some compulsive caregiver than from some occassional bad-hair days!

The children may look so very sad, confused, or whatever that "symptoms of abuse," come quickly to mind. But, children's routine lives are complex, often involving challenges that few of us would want to experience. We carelessly use words such as "resilient" to describe their extraordinary ability to deal with tragedies...great and small...as though it is somehow easier for them to bounce back quickly and easily from whatever comes along to stretch, bend or compress them out of shape.

Their ordinary emotional lives seem subject to higher peaks and lower valleys than some want to believe should or could be part of children's experiences. But whether we choose to believe or not, children- all children- inhabit a world filled with lonliness, pain and terror as well as beauty, joy and exhileration.

I salute and honor them, warriors and heroes all!

Sometimes I just wander...

ChildPerson From The South- The Story Behind the Name

Because you asked...

The name ChildPerson From the South was given to me by two very dear and special friends while I was living on Okinawa. Sensei, my teacher of Japanese, and our friend, Mr. Iso, followed my Chinese Brush Painting lesson progess with animated enthusiasm, always looking at each of my practice papers with delight and encouragement.

However, they also pressured me- sometimes gently- to change directions and study Sumi'e, the Japanes form of ink painting instead. I liked both styles of mediation in ink, but my heart was into the Chinese-Southern Style painting.

I studied and practiced with great love and uncharacteristic discipline, which impressed my CB teacher, a young woman from Mainland China who spoke little English, and had begun the class by showing us the proper way to hold the brush, and had the translator then say to our class, "but you are Americans so she knows you will not have the patience or discipline to learn to do this."

It is not exaggeration to say that I lived with the brush in my hand every waking hour. I practiced the brush strokes every possible moment, then copied, as is the Oriental way of learning, the Teacher's samples until sometimes she said she could not tell which was hers.

One evening during Japanese language class Sensei asked me to stay after class. What a surprise! ...with much ceremony he and Mr. Iso presented me with my own "name" and stone stamp for use on my Chinese Brusth paintings.

They had spent great time in deciding what the name should be, based on the the phonetic of Nancy, and their feelings about me. Meanwhile they ordered a bloodstone, from China, not knowing that is considered an alternative birthstone for me. They decided on Child Person From the South, because they explained I was so like a child in spirit, from the South from whence comes all good things- a great compliment to me from them to say the leasts. They selected an ancient Chinese script; then Mr. Iso carved the characters into the stone. His wife made a beautiful leather case, embossed with butterflies, for it.

We spend the evening drinking tea, lauging and "chopping" all the practice pieces I'd brought to share with them. And after giving me that priceless gift, they never again suggested-gently or otherwise : )- that I study the Japanese Sumi'e instead of the Chines Brush Painting.

And so...I remain in honor of them and myself and all Child Persons from the South and other wise...ChildPerson.

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About The Child Person from the South

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