Monday, April 23, 2012

I have mentioned here before that I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in myself growing up. Although I was at the top of my class academically, albeit small in size, and fairly decent at sports - attending such a small school I was able to play on the varsity basketball, football, and baseball teams - I never developed the sense that I could be a leader among my peers. That I could overcome whatever adversity might come my way. The effects of this has lingered with me in one form or another throughout my adulthood.

I'm not exactly sure why this was. Maybe it's just who I was, and to an extent probably still am. I did mention in a previous post how my moving up a grade in elementary school and into the same class as my brother may have affected my confidence growing up, but I'm sure there were more complexities involved. I tended to avoid conversations about difficult topics with my parents, but probably needed to have more of them.

Now, that I am in my 40's, all grown up, and am a parent, thankfully I feel much differently. Now, I am perhaps at times too confident that the decisions I make are the right ones when it comes to my parenting choices. That's why it's great to have Mrs. LIAYF at my side. We can check each others logic, and also support each others actions.

But whatever those parenting choices entail because of my own experiences I want to be very careful to do whatever I can to make sure that, unlike me, Lukas grows up confident in himself. I want him to know that he is a hard working and intelligent boy who can make sound decisions in the face of adversity. To know that things will certainly not always go his way, but that he can think on his feet and mitigate those circumstances. To know that he has a good head on his shoulders and that even though it may be extremely difficult at times, that he has the confidence in himself and the courage to do the right thing and make good choices.

How do I accomplish this? I certainly won't do it alone. Mrs. LIAYF is a hugely positive influence in Lukas' life. Likely more so than me. So far together we have simply tried to reinforce in him on a daily basis that he is a good boy, who works hard towards his accomplishments. When things upset him, we talk to him about what's causing that and help him work through how he can make himself feel better about the situation. We also positively reinforce when he thinks through a situation and makes a sound decision.

But most of all we let him know that he is loved, and that we will always be here for him when he needs us.

Of course, I am not 100 percent sure that all of the measures we are taking will have a long term positive impact on Lukas' confidence and self perception as he grows into a young man. After all, he is our first child and is still only 4 years old. What do we really know?

But it feels right.

And with plenty of love, encouragement and support, he will turn out just perfect.