Letter 113; What’s going down on the clown side of town

May 7, 2007

When the winds of change start blowing you can kill yourself trying to hold your ground; or you can brush back it’s hair, recline, and let it blow until it’s finished. Well the past couple weeks that wind’s been blowing through my life like guilt ridden girlfriend on the rag. I need stability, and letter day has always been the earth beneath my feet; so lets get down to business.

————————————————————–

So they finally fired you ass, eh Valiant?

It’s about time, you sleepingunderyourdesk-artsandcraftsmaking-talkingshitaboutyourcomapany, no account son of a bitch. I hope you wind up a hobo and I get chance to spit on your change grubbing ass.

Kyle Firebird

Butte, Montana

It funny you should say that Kyle (Not funny: Amusing, Funny: suspiciously conveniently suits my purposes), there has been some movement on the job front. It seems the head office got word they were parting ways with the un-fireable Mr. Valliant and dark forces were discontented with the turn of events. The end result: our corporation wide Best shores business policy has been reversed solely for my six person helpdesk…and no that is not a joke. Eight times now I’ve been led out to yard, had the rope drawn, and my neck in the noose; eight times they weren’t man enough to finish the job, so to my cubicle I return.

I’m really starting to buy into the notion that my initial hiring and subsequent continued employment are part of some elaborate game of chicken between myself and several bored executives. “Hey lets find someone grossly unqualified and hire them for a midlevel job with indistinct duties and see how long they will last”. So I’ve now put my moving plans on hold; my writing plans are actually somewhat facilitated by my current schedule and workload, so there is no disruption on that front.

The real point of interest is how my newly enflamed sense of employment invincibility will affect my already suspect professionalism. I see my current afterhours desk nest evolving into a four poster bed, with attendant butler to apply warmer and make soothing ocean noises. My current t-shit and black pants dereliction of dress code will become a elaborate masquerade of old Halloween costumes, bondage gear, and clothes I make myself from abandoned food packaging. “Hey check AJ’s sweet new sugar(packet) pants with the honey bear codpiece…that guy has style till Tuesday.”

And thereforth.

Should be a fun year.

———————————————-

Your post with all the terrible animal pictures is a new low even for your classless site. Do think it’s funny to show a dog with broken legs? Is it funny to show recently departed man endangering his child? I hope if something terrible happens to you they take a picture of it and some jackass captions it for their website.

Irate in Illinois

I will address this point by point

Do I think it’s funny to show dog with broken legs?

– Yes. Very much so. But I think it’s even more funny to show a dog who’s legs were purportedly broken by me in a insane fit of delusional rage.

Is it funny to show recently departed man endangering his child?

-At least as funny as the man thinking it was good idea to feed a crocodile while holding a new born baby in the first place. Once someone dies they do not suddenly become exonerated from every moronic thing they ever did…nor do said moronic actions become less amusing. Anyways it’s not like he died pulling my kids from a department store fire. A man who riled animals for a living, was killed by a riled animal…that ranks pretty low on the tragedy scale in my book. A thousand kids a day in Africa die vastly more heartbreaking deaths…and get a thousandth the tears shed for them.

This hysterical group mourning over sensationalized news stories irritates me to no end. Dozens a day die in Iraq and it’s at best a mildly alarming geopolitical footnote. Thirtyish North American students get clipped and it’s the greatest tragedy since 9/11; a horrific massacre of unprecedented proportions. Excuse me if I don’t scale my grief to media saturation, or couch my sentiments to match the political vogue. Yes I can be a callous asshole, but I am at least a geographically/media unbiased callous asshole that doesn’t manufacture tragedy on demand.

———————————————————————-

So did I read correctly that you are single now?

How is that going? What kind of girl are looking for/do you need?

Erika,

Hiding

Yes Erika, I am single. I actually saw my still beloved Esmeralda off to Africa this weekend. Up until that point the idea of being a romantic free agent had not really set in.

What kind of girl am I looking for?

Looking for: no kind at moment.

Do I Need: needing is a near guarantee you will saddle up a dysfunctional show pony.

I’m not the sort of person to have backburner ladies, or monkeybar from one relationship to the next. If it was a bad one I want time to purge the venom out of my system and consider the mistakes made. If it was good one it’s takes a long time for the loyalty to dissipate, and the lesson learned to be integrated into greater AJdom.

Even when I’m receptive to new lady folk it fairly very rare I meet someone with the necessary mix of deep flaws/distinction/growl inducing sexiness/character/absurd sense of humour/truck load of brains required to sufficient to evoke chemistry. So if history serves it will be six months to year before I’m even tempted to forsake my romantic hermiticism and get back in the game (barring a few libidinous indiscretions).

Advertisements

Like this:

LikeLoading...

Related

22 Responses to “Letter 113; What’s going down on the clown side of town”

OMG!!!! You’re posting pictures of a dog in a wheelchair!!!? That’s so cruel. Do you think the dog wants the whole world (the world in this case being BE readers) knowing that it now pisses on the roots rather than the trunk of the tree? Where the fuck is your heart? Next thing you know there’ll be pics of humans in wheelchairs. Where does it end!!?

In response to:
“I hope if something terrible happens to you they take a picture of it and some jackass captions it for their website.”
Obviously you haven’t seen the wedding dress pic. Email me, Irate, and we’ll work on a caption or two.

“You sent Esmerelda off to Africa? Is that how you dispose of your women?”

Esmerelda went to Africa (Senegal) as a Teaching Assistant, and to conduct her own research into channeling aid money through women as more efficent means of raising the standard of living. She is very smart and kind. I am extremly proud of her.

“This hysterical group mourning over sensationalized news stories irritates me to no end. Dozens a day die in Iraq and it’s at best a mildly alarming geopolitical footnote. Thirtyish North American students get clipped and it’s the greatest tragedy since 9/11; a horrific massacre of unprecedented proportions. Excuse me if I don’t scale my grief to media saturation, or couch my sentiments to match the political vogue. Yes I can be a callous asshole, but I am at least a geographically/media unbiased callous asshole that doesn’t manufacture tragedy on demand.”

Esmerelda is not a teaching assistant and not working on microcredit programs for women, but that’s close, uh kinda. She’s studying at the Université Sheikh Anta Diop and conducting research into environmental NGOs.