Amen to that, Ms. Ricci. I asked my personal trainer if I could have Jessica Biel’s butt, but I don’t think he heard me. Then I asked him if I could have Scarlett Johannsen’s tits, and he just ignored me. After that, I asked him for Stacy Keibler’s legs, and he gave me a weird look and walked away from me. In fact, he wasn’t even a personal trainer. He was just some guy working behind the counter at the local pharmacy where I pick up my “happy pills.”

The Sun UK is reporting that Justin Timberlake recently purchased an expensive necklace for his girlfriend, Jessica Biel, because she was upset he was spending time with Madonna:

JT has been at the Queen of Pop’s beck and call over the past year while collaborating on her forthcoming album ‘Hard Candy’. And movie beauty Jessica has been a little put out by their close working relationship……..So to make it up to Jessica he snapped up the sparkling white gold and emerald chain from top jeweller H Stern.

Listen, I know all women are somewhat insecure and many are prone to jealousy. But you cannot tell me that Jessica Biel, who looks like this…………

……..is feeling jealous because her boyfriend, a guy who could probably fuck anyone he wants, is working with a woman that now looks like this……….

Don’t get me wrong…..Madonna looks pretty good for a 52-year old lady who will be a grandmother in about a week. But unless he has a GILF fetish, I’m pretty sure Justin has better options than a woman who was at her apex while he was still in dipers.

(*–Dick in a Box picture included because I couldn’t bring myself to post a picture of Justin with his shirt off or something……its bad enough I like his music.)

Last night’s Britney drama is just finally beginning to sink in. We all knew this was going to happen or, even worse, she’d end up dead, but its still unbelievable to watch on TV. This shit is on par with when Princess Diana died as far as media coverage. THE GIRL IS FUCKING OUT OF HER MIND AND HER FAMILY WAITED TOO DAMN LONG TO DO THIS. So let’s recap:

– Britney apparently has a sleeping condition caused by Aderall and a meth addiction. She’s also been taking up to 10 laxatives a day and hasn’t slept since Saturday. Oh and she said her mom slept with K FEd, too. Sounds about right.

– Britney’s dad clearly looks like he’s about 75 years old. You have to feel bad for the guy. And congratulations on finally stepping in and trying to knock out her holder.

– Have you ready anything on this Osama Lutfi character? His “psycho” resume is like four fucking pages long and I don’t care if 80% of its gossip or not. Someone stab him through the heart.

– What kind of mother let’s this shit go on? I know Britney’s old enough to make her own decisions, but she’s obviously not MENTALLY STABLE enough to do so. And you’re not mentally stable enough to slap the shit out of your daughter and get her help (Update: there are reports that Lynne wanted to take Brit to Malibu instead of UCLA. Great mom she is!)

– Jaime Lynn better be taking fucking notes.

– Justin Timberlake has to undoubtedly feel pretty upset about all this, but I’m sure he forgets all about the bullet he dodged when he’s banging Ms. Biel every night.

– Thank you to SOMEONE in Britney’s camp for having the balls to finally get a psychiatrist to go as far as to clear the airspace above Britney’s house so that they could “get her to the hospital safely.” Wait, she wasn’t airlifted? That doesn’t make sense. I’m sure TMZ would have given her a lift for the right price.

Oh and the lingo the cops were using (i.e. extracting the “package”) really fooled all those paparazzi. Unless they were coming to my house, the word “package” will probably never have a “bigger” meaning. If you get my drift. :wink wink:

And my guess is that the guy from Grey’s Anatomy who also checked in because he’s “sleep deprived” was a decoy to keep the media off Britney, too. Problem is no one gives a fuck. Everyone is talking about him being there while his five kids are at home wondering “Where’s daddy? Is he going to pick up the package, too?”