tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-39583649747512271882014-10-01T03:07:08.574-04:00Unreal, Neural, LaurenObservations from my little vantage point on the world.
Fashion, celebrity, family, friends, and sports are all fair--and fun--topics of discussion.
And of course, much attention will be paid to the English language and the many abuses of it. Did I mention I like anagrams?LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.comBlogger79125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-89978476548442324172011-06-22T23:08:00.007-04:002011-06-23T15:23:28.672-04:00Separated at birth?: Judge Belvin Perry and Urkel<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am completely enthralled with the Casey Anthony trial. I happened to catch the opening statements live, and from that point on, I've been hooked. I'll keep my thoughts on Casey to myself, but I hope that justice will be served for sweet Caylee.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Much like the O.J. Simpson trial, this tragic case has given birth to a cast of characters that runs the gamut from compelling to comical, and from eccentric to esoteric. My personal favorite is the no-nonsense Judge Belvin Perry. I'm obviously not alone in this; a <a href="http://twitter.com/JudgePerrySays">Twitter account has been set up just to share the verbal gems of the infinitely quotable Judge Perry</a>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Judge Perry delivers more than just running commentary on the juror's evening meals and the "dessert lady." He also bears a striking resemblance to 90s sitcom icon Steve Urkel. Agree?</span><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5621254995610777490" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 260px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-u2iM9hQJEHg/TgK1osVFN5I/AAAAAAAAAPI/PeFxIOaEbCw/s400/Belvin%2BUrkel.jpg" border="0" />LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-29177421339655872622010-07-08T22:14:00.003-04:002010-07-08T22:31:50.179-04:00Facebook Status of the Day: The LeBron Edition<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">After a long hiatus, the "Facebook Status of the Day" is back, in honor of "LeBron James: The Decision." Seriously, was this the most overhyped, ridiculous moment in modern sports? I would like to think no one cared, but they did, they do, and they took to social media to air their opinions on it--and to poke a little fun.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">My own LeBron Facebook status today was: </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Inspired by LeBron, I've decided my new nickname shall be "The Decision." </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">It has a great "Jersey Shore" vibe, no? But we're not here to talk about me. Actually, yes we are. But I'll take a moment to put others in the spotlight.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Google maps is deleting Cleveland as we speak</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Runners up:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">F*ck off LeBron </span></li></ul><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">(I enjoy simplicity)</span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></strong><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">"Emma, where did you think LeBron was going to go?" Her response: "I don't know...maybe Kroger?"</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">(Little Emma, I don't think they have Kroger in Miami, but LeBron can buy LOTS of groceries, no doubt.)</span></p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-13597460033309539992010-05-21T14:35:00.006-04:002010-05-21T15:46:39.718-04:00Top 10 Songs Stuck in my Head, Part 2<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So, I've been mulling over the top five for the past 24 hours. I've even been taking notes. Yes, I'm a dork. But I take my responsibilities to you, dear reader, quite seriously.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">After much introspection and soul searching, I've determined the top five songs stuck in my head:</span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></strong><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">5. "The Devil Went Down to Georgia," Charlie Daniels Band</span></strong><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Charlie Daniels always makes me think of my junior high bus driver. She had a drink cozy next to her driver's seat that said, "My two best friends are Charlie and Jack Daniels." It probably wouldn't have inspired tremendous confidence in any parent who might have seen it, but she was awesome, nonetheless. Coincidentally, when this song gets stuck in my head, it truly does make me feel as though the devil got my soul. It also reminds me of the old Pizza Inn in <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Moundsville</span>, WV, where it got heavy rotation on the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">juke</span>box in the '80s.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "Fire on the mountain, run boys run. The devil's in the house of the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">risin</span>' sun. Chicken in the bread pan, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">pickin</span>' out dough. 'Granny, does your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.'" </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Aaaand</span>, cue fiddle.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">4. "Party in the U.S.A.," <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Miley</span> Cyrus</span></strong><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This might be the best worst song ever. Or the worst best song. I can't decide. I have no idea how I have been exposed to this insipid song so many times, but really, it only takes one listen for it to start ricocheting around your brain like a berserk pinball.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "So I put my hands up, they're playing my song, and the butterflies fly away. I'm <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">noddin</span>' my head like, 'yeah.' <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">Movin</span>' my hips like, 'yeah.'" </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Like, "no." Who writes this drivel?</span><br /><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">3. "It Takes Two," Rob Base and DJ E-Z Rock</span></strong><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Could I love a song more than this? Perhaps. But it ranks way up there in my heart. Twenty-two years after its release, "It Takes Two," is still guaranteed to make you shake your booty. If I hear it in the car, I'm not afraid to pull over and stage an impromptu dance party. Trust.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> It's nearly impossible to pick, because I know every word, and the whole thing is awesome. But I'll have to go with, "I got an idea, that I wanna share. You don't like it? So what? I don't care." Words to live by.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">2. "Jump Around," House of Pain</span></strong><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"Jump Around" + your cousin's wedding reception x open bar - shame = crazy Uncle Bernard doing the running man in a tuxedo. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "I'll serve your ass like John McEnroe, if your girl steps up, I'm <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-error">smackin</span>' the ho. Word to your moms, I came to drop bombs. I got more rhymes than the Bible's got Psalms." </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Let's all avert our eyes from the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">misogyny</span> and just nod our heads like, "yeah." </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">1. "Single Ladies," <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">Beyonce</span></span></strong><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Kayne West was right. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">Beyonce</span> did make one of the best videos of all time. It's difficult to separate the song from the already iconic video, which has been re-enacted (poorly, for the most part, no doubt) thousands of times in thousands of living rooms, and uploaded to YouTube in droves. This song is seriously in my head at least once a week. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-error">Beyonce</span> is an evil genius. Important to note: she has ensured herself a spot in every wedding reception; "Single Ladies" is the perfect song to accompany the b<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">ride's</span> tossing of the bouquet.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "If you liked it then you <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-error">shoulda</span> put a ring on it." Lather, rinse, repeat ad <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-error">nauseam</span>.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>(Dis)Honorable Mentions:</strong> </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">"Baby," Justin <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_16" class="blsp-spelling-error">Bieber</span> (Hillary <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_17" class="blsp-spelling-error">Swank's</span> elfin doppelganger)</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">"Umbrella," <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_18" class="blsp-spelling-error">Rihanna</span> (I can no longer say "umbrella" without adding, "Ella, <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_19" class="blsp-spelling-error">ella</span>, eh, eh.")</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">"Here Comes the Hot Stepper," <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_20" class="blsp-spelling-error">Ini</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_21" class="blsp-spelling-error">Kamoze</span> (Ch-ch-<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_22" class="blsp-spelling-error">ching</span> <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_23" class="blsp-spelling-error">ching</span>!)</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Any <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_24" class="blsp-spelling-error">FreeCreditReport</span>.com commercial (I should have seen it <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_25" class="blsp-spelling-error">comin</span>' at me like an atom bomb.)</span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-74342352609897266872010-05-20T16:43:00.006-04:002010-05-20T17:27:52.282-04:00Top 10 Songs Stuck in my Head, Part 1<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">More often than not, on any given day, I have a song stuck in my head. My brain clearly has some masochistic tendencies, because these songs are usually crap. And let's face it, after hearing it repeatedly in your head for hours on end, any song is going to suck. This phenomenon has been termed an </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earworm"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">"earworm."</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Adding to the trauma, my earworms typically involve one small section of a song, repeated over, and over, and over again in my head. This is likely because I have picked it up from TV, or in a store, and I don't actually know all of the lyrics. I try to "re-program" my brain by thinking of another, better song, but that tactic usually fails, and I have to let it run its course.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Here's the top 10 songs stuck in my head (and actually, not all of them are crap).</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">10. "Baby Got Back," by Sir Mix-A-Lot</span></strong><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is a classic, to be sure, but it's not exactly the height of intelligent, insightful lyricism. I am not ashamed to admit that I do actually know every word to this song. OK, after typing that, I change my mind. I am ashamed. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "My anaconda don't want none unless you've got buns, hon." </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Yep. Ashamed.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">9. Subway's "Five-dollar footlong" jingle</span></strong><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This is some insidous business. I actually read </span><a href="http://www.slate.com/id/2189472"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">an article on Slate</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> a few years ago in which the author speaks to the composer of the jingle, in an effort to determine if there was indeed a diabolical earworm strategy behind it. Read it for yourself to get the answer. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> Umm. "Five. Five dollar. Five dollar foot looooooong."</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>8. "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'," by Michael Jackson</strong> </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Ok, this song is actually pretty awesome. After MJ's death last year, I had quite a few of his songs stuck in my brain's rotation. There are far worse earworms until you get to the...</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa, ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa." MAKE IT STOP!</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">7. "We Will Rock You," by Queen</span></strong><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It's a sports stadium staple, complete with stomp-and-clap crowd participation. Queen does, in fact, rock us. I don't, however, appreciate them taking up residence in my head, rent-free, for hours on end.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "We will, we will, rock you." Duh.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">6. "Tik Tok," by Ke$ha</span></strong><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I felt even more ashamed after typing that idiotic dollar sign in her name. I don't listen to top 40 radio often (because I am rarely in the car; I drive less than 4,000 miles a year. That's a story for another day), but this song has been pretty inescapable. It seems to be on TV nonstop. Because it's used often in promos, I don't actually know all of the lyrics. That may be a blessing, but it also means there's just one...</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Top line stuck in my head:</strong> "Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, tonight, I'mma fight, till we see the sunlight." </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Stay tuned for the Top 5!</span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-43475204252899160562010-04-15T13:50:00.014-04:002010-04-15T16:44:08.914-04:00My advice for Ben Roethlisberger<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 130px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5460466584781961826" border="0" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/S8d5bZXRumI/AAAAAAAAAOI/paQeLxYc3bo/s400/Ben+Pig.jpg" />Upon learning that Ben Roethlisberger <a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=5082053">lost his beef jerky endorsement deal</a>, I thought I would offer some unsolicited advice to the troubled Steelers quarterback. Plenty of image consultants have hit the airwaves recently to share their crisis management recommendations for Big Ben, so I figured I would throw my hat in the ring. I do have professional experience and a degree in public relations, after all.</span><br /><br /><div><div><div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">My suggestion: Roethlisberger should transition from a beef jerky endorsement to a pork rinds endorsement. Why? </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><br /> </div></span><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Because they have so much in common: </span><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">They are both greasy, a bad investment, and create a violent experience in the bathroom.* </span></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><br /> </div></span><div></div><div></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I'm giving you that one for free, Ben. You're welcome.</span></div><br /><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:78%;"><em>*Allegedly</em></span><br /></div><br /><div><em><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;font-size:78%;">Photo source: <a href="http://www.fiberdimensions.com/wagner/stuart-wagner-08.html">http://www.fiberdimensions.com/wagner/stuart-wagner-08.html</a></span></em></div></div></div></div>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-38742573444815491102010-02-07T23:21:00.006-05:002010-02-07T23:40:28.549-05:00Separated at birth?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When I was watching the Golden Globes a few weeks ago, I was shocked to see </span><a href="http://www.foofighters.com/us/home"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Foo Fighters'</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> frontman Dave Grohl take the stage to receive an award for Best Screenplay for <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Up_in_the_Air_(film)">Up in the Air</a></em>. Then I realized it was actually </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jason_Reitman"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Jason Reitman</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">, the writer/director of the film. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Fun fact: Jason Reitman is the son of Ivan Reitman, director of films including <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ghostbusters">Ghostbusters</a></em>, <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stripes_(film)">Stripes</a></em>, and <em><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kindergarten_Cop">Kindergarten Cop</a></em>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 260px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5435725619631205858" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/S2-Tpr6breI/AAAAAAAAANg/Whmz0rVudPE/s400/ReitmanGrohl.jpg" /></span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-8596915168248348382010-01-04T15:18:00.007-05:002010-01-04T23:14:42.409-05:00I'm so 2010: How to name a decade<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">December got away from me!</span> <span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am hoping to blog more in the new year. But resolutions are for chumps, so I won't be putting that tag on it.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">As we enter this new year, and a new decade, we're faced with many questions. </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">What the heck do we call that last decade anyway? The 2000s? The 00's? The aughts?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Even <a href="http://www.newyorker.com/talk/comment/2010/01/04/100104taco_talk_mead"><em>T</em><em>he New Yorker</em> doesn't know what to call it</a>. <em>Time</em> magazine called it <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1942834,00.html">the decade from hell</a>. I was just 23 when the last decade dawned, so I don't have much first-hand experience with other decades as comparison. But, I would have to agree that it seemed pretty hellacious at times. It's strange that we didn't arrive at a consensus on what to call the decade as we lived through it. It's even stranger now that it's over.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Other even trickier questions emerge. What do we call the next decade? The British seemed to have hopped on this one faster than the Americans; I haven't found much on the topic other than <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/6825112/Twenty-Tens-to-become-nickname-for-next-decade-survey-says.html">this Telegraph article </a>that cites an insurance web site survey on what to call the decade that begins in 2010. The winner of this survey? The "twenty-tens." Thrilling! </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010s">Wikipedia already has a page for the decade</a>, because there is a Wikipedia page for everything. Examples include <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Your_mom">your mom</a>, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Turducken">turducken</a>, and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ernie">Ernie from "Sesame Street."</a> See? Everything.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Another question: How do we verbally refer to the year 2010? Is it twenty-ten? Is it two thousand and ten? I suspect both will be used frequently. I don't think, however, the year will be referred to in retrospect in the same way we did with years from the first decade of the millenium. I have frequently referenced things that happened in, for example, "oh-four" or "oh-seven." I don't forsee anyone looking back on the events of this year and denoting it as "ten."</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Time will tell. I'm just hoping we figure out a name for the decade that began in 2000 before the next one is over.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">And don't get me started on <a href="http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2521843/end_of_the_decade_20102011_who_cares.html?cat=9">whether the decade actually starts at 2010 or 2011</a>. Yes, I know there was no "year zero." But no one argued about it when 1989 became 1990. Technically that decade would have spanned 1981-1990. But isn't it just simpler to refer to "the 80s"? </span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Let's just all agree that it's a new decade and move on, ok?</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-63037577160002889832009-11-19T16:46:00.004-05:002010-01-08T23:07:47.637-05:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">We've had another dearth of funny Facebook status updates, people. Perhaps I haven't been paying close attention, so I will give myself at least partial blame as well. The good news: people were funny recently! Please keep it up, and as always, submit contributions to me via my Facebook account, or in the comments section.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">DN is worried that Sarah Palin's new book "Going Rogue" will overtake the Bible as the best-selling book of all time. To boost sales, the Pope will autograph any new Bible in Jesus' name. Bible must be purchased on or after November 17 ("Going Rogue" release date). During the signing, the Pope will also throw in a copy of the straight-to-DVD movie "The Flood: When God was a badass and killed people." Get yours now.</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Runners up:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">My son asked me, "Would you be sad if daddy fell out a window?" I said, "Well, yeah, sure I would be. But only if I didn't get to push him!"</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">MT was going to take the kids to get their Christmas pictures taken tomorrow. THEN my daughter fell in the playroom and got a rug burn on her face--I won't tell you where, but I'll tell you that she now looks remarkably like Hitler.</span></li></ul>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-88962441957977176012009-11-13T21:54:00.005-05:002009-11-13T22:13:21.606-05:00Separated at birth?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So, this is somewhat of a delayed reaction on my part, but when I saw U.S. Attorney General <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eric_Holder">Eric Holder</a> on CNN today, it reminded me of what I thought the first time I saw him: "Wow, <a href="http://www.oprah.com/index">Oprah </a>really IS that powerful. She got her long-time boyfriend <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stedman_Graham">Stedman </a>appointed as Attorney General!"</span><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 282px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5403791480961447042" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/Sv4fuK79NII/AAAAAAAAANY/lKdciaZmXSs/s400/Stedman+and+Holder.jpg" /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Eric Holder is on the left above, Stedman Graham is on the right. I still think Oprah must have something to do with this...</span><br /><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-39725127606376847882009-11-03T22:14:00.012-05:002009-11-04T12:31:47.107-05:00Like taking candy from a baby...Jesus<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">So, I am making my rounds at Rite-Aid this evening, and I discover that the Christmas candy is out already. As if that's not disturbing enough, I come across these tasty treats:</span> <div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5400083444785661602" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SvDzSDvqxqI/AAAAAAAAANQ/QFmzS7s5Luc/s400/230.JPG" border="0" /> <div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Jesus Candy! Tastes like righteousness!</span></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I am all for keeping Christ in Christmas, but commercializing Jesus rather than making Christmas less commercial is not the answer. I don't think God is co-signing this one.</span></div><div></div></div>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-2095214157403876612009-10-24T20:32:00.006-04:002009-10-24T20:59:14.871-04:00Separated at birth?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Today, after my son's last soccer game of the season, we took a celebratory trip to McDonald's for lunch. The Happy Meal toys for boys are a promotional tie-in to the movie <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Astro_Boy_(film)">"Astro Boy"</a> (which I had no idea existed until this trip to the Golden Arches). </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">When I pulled the toy out of the plastic bag, I couldn't help but notice that Astro Boy bears a striking resemblance to another restaurant-related icon: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Big_Boy_(restaurant)">Big Boy</a>.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">They do have the same last name. Perhaps they <em>are</em> related.</span><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5396334769348929378" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 297px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SuOh4bgh52I/AAAAAAAAANA/EvGqim_MCNg/s400/Big+boy+Astro+boy.jpg" border="0" />LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-18762606177845356552009-10-15T22:56:00.004-04:002009-10-15T23:03:54.469-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Facebook statuses about Facebook statuses are the best! It's so meta.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">DR LOVES it when people on here state the obvious. Like, "Hey, it's raining." Well great. What about it? With nothing following it. Try spicing it up, like, "I love the rainy weather so much that I want to marry it, then divorce it and take half its money." SPICY-get it?</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Random drug tests sometimes don’t seem to be random.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">JH is wondering what Borders would do if she moved all of their bibles to the fiction section. Sorry Mom! LOL</span></li></ul><p></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">SP has come up with another way to say no to my hubby's advances. I simply say, "Not now, honey, I'm Facebooking." The other night, he threatened to throw my phone out the window, all the while cursing "whoever it was that made Facebooking from bed possible.”</span></li></ul>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-83320163966998049202009-10-10T20:29:00.002-04:002009-10-10T20:34:40.037-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">People are being funny again! This makes me happy!</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong></strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Target just called me on my cell phone to ask if it is okay to call me on my cell phone. I have to admit, it stopped me dead in my tracks for a minute there.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">GR wishes there were more situations in life where Rush Limbaugh could be mistaken for Rush, the completely awesome Canadian prog rock band.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span> </p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">RF wants to make out with whoever invented baby swings.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">BN enjoys long walks on the beach and antagonizing strangers.</span><br /><br /></li></ul>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-616512094449735382009-10-09T17:22:00.003-04:002009-10-09T17:29:31.643-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Well, it was an interesting day. We crashed a rocket into the moon (on purpose), and President Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. And major events always make for a funny day on Facebook! In fact, today was so funny, I've had to save a few for later. Tune in tomorrow for another installment!</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">If your president wins the Nobel Peace Prize, and all you can do is complain, you might be a redneck.</span></li></ul><p><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong></span><br /></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I found an old pair of "comfort" pj's that I haven't worn in years. Gracie comes in and says, "Mom...those are totally gross." I said, "G, I wore these when you were in my tummy." She said, “Well, in there, I didn’t have to look at them.”</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Maaan, those moon people are going to be piiiisssed!</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">WL thinks when you spend a couple billion dollars to "shoot" the moon, you damn sure oughta be able to see a "plume" on yer TV.</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-18687226271798288912009-10-07T16:08:00.005-04:002009-10-07T16:18:34.186-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I lost a friend to cancer today, and the world lost a loving, sweet, unique, quirky woman named Marcie Williams. My memories of Marcie always include her amazing, bright smile. She had an incomparable zest for life, and brought light to everything and everyone around her. It's an incredibly small way to pay tribute to her humor, but today, I dedicate the Facebook Status of the Day post to Marcie Williams, who left this earth at the age of 34--far too soon. May she rest in peace.<br /><br /><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong><br /></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">TR knows that a zoo patron is from West Virginia when they say, “Look ma! A kodiak bear. Just like the snuff.”</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong><br /></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Nice shot of “Buttcrack Dad” today. He's one of the dads at Emma's preschool, and during pickup when he bends over to get the art projects - BAM! The man really needs new pants...or a belt. I feel bad for laughing, but dang, it's funny! </span></li></ul><p></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they screw up I will just hit them all at once.</span></li></ul>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-90376601313998905522009-09-30T20:16:00.008-04:002009-10-01T23:07:48.628-04:00Chelsea Handler's face helps my blog<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Back on January 27 of this year, I wrote </span><a href="http://unrealneurallauren.blogspot.com/2009/01/whats-happened-to-chelsea-lately.html"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">a blog post speculating that Chelsea Handler had some work done on her face</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">. First, I would like to pat myself on the back for being early to that party. There has been a lot of speculation in more recent history that the host of "Chelsea Lately" has had some plastic surgery or other cosmetic procedure. At the time I wrote about it, I found almost nothing about it on the magical internet. </span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Since then, there has been much more virtual ink devoted to the topic. People are clearly Googling terms such as "Chelsea Handler plastic surgery" because it's driven a tremendous number of people to this very blog--particularly <em>lately</em> (pun intended). I've included a before and after picture here, although it was difficult to find a recent picture of her (the "after" is on the left). I'm not sure this shows the contrast well, but it was the best I could do.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5387657255435813138" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 265px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SsTNupHOwRI/AAAAAAAAAM4/cin6t3h6h0k/s400/Chelsea+before+and+after.jpg" border="0" /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Here's where I'm going to break out some stats, which will perhaps bore some of you, but hopefully my fellow statistics nerds will hang in with me. </span></p><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">In the past month, 43 percent of all of the traffic to my blog has been to the Chelsea Handler blog post. That's a lot. The amount of traffic coming to my site from search engines has made a dramatic upturn; in September, more than 58 percent of all visitors arrived at the site via search engine (the other options are direct traffic and from a referring site, such as Facebook). In August, just 17 percent of the traffic came from search engines. That's a 41 percent shift, people. The Chelsea post has 36 comments on it, 16 of which were written in September.</span> </p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">So, Chelsea Handler, whatever it is that you've done to your face, I thank you for it. And no matter what you look like, I love your show.</span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-77482359298211537922009-09-26T23:56:00.007-04:002009-09-27T23:26:13.063-04:00Black and gold...and gray<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I have always had a knack for spotting cute old people. I like to refer to this talent as my "<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">graydar</span>." A few weeks ago, my <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">graydar</span> was working overtime at the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">Steelers</span> home opener. I lucked upon these two wonderful oldies from my seat.</span><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 268px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 356px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5386346673293124082" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SsAlwuK-YfI/AAAAAAAAAMw/cyFeFx7wL80/s400/oldies+steelers.jpg" /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">No doubt these two are listing to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Hillgrove">Bill <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">Hillgrove</span> </a>call the play-by-play on <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">Steelers</span> radio with their cute little headphones. My only concern: I could not determine if the oldie in the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">Polamalu</span> jersey (hot!) was of the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">Mamaw</span> or Pop-pop variety. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Androgynous</span> old people are tricky!</span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-72474244707101196232009-09-14T23:18:00.005-04:002009-09-14T23:28:59.769-04:00Separated at birth?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">As I watched President Obama's address to Congress last week, I was reminded of a thought that I had during the 2008 presidential campaign: Joe Biden looks like <a href="http://muppet.wikia.com/wiki/Sam_the_Eagle">Sam the Eagle</a> from the Muppets. I think that a big part of the similarity is the tufts of hair (or feathers, in the case of Sam) over the ears. </span><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5381529637345990722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 388px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 321px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/Sq8IsU4-mEI/AAAAAAAAAMo/l4_jxjPvDaM/s400/Biden+eagle.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I love that Mr. Biden wore a tie in "Sam the Eagle Blue" for the address. Well played, Joe.</span></p><p></p>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-73120802188081927872009-09-04T22:44:00.001-04:002009-09-04T22:46:38.666-04:00He's fallen and he can't get upThis might be the cutest puppy ever. The poor little thing can't figure out how to get up!<br /><br /><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/X0-Sv6YnxEc&amp;color1=0xb1b1b1&amp;color2=0xcfcfcf&amp;hl=en&amp;feature=player_embedded&amp;fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/X0-Sv6YnxEc&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-78063020529782419612009-09-01T11:14:00.007-04:002009-09-01T12:06:15.813-04:00More Steelers Stuff<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">It's September, people. That means regular season football is right around the corner. I have some more Steelers stuff to share with you because:<br /></span><div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">1. I love Steelers stuff.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">2. There is a lot of Steelers stuff in Pittsburgh. Go figure.</span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">The truck below is the sweetest ride I've seen in quite awhile (I took the photo while stopped at a red light next this fine piece of machinery). This custom paint job clearly made a big improvement to this beater. They obviously ran out of room for the "H" in "burgh," though. Bummer. Or maybe they don't know how to spell. I'd say the latter is just as likely a possibility. Did I mention lately that the Pittsburgh Steelers are the only NFL team with six Super Bowl wins? Six. Count 'em.</span></div><div><br /></div><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376526661039120818" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/Sp1CgxynYbI/AAAAAAAAAMQ/aWIi6FYdnSo/s400/Six+burgh.jpg" border="0" /><br /><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I'm pretty sure the NFL will slap team logos on any product that will cough up the licensing dough, but this one still made me giggle a little. The most interesting feature of this razor: it actually contains no blades. The hairs on your face become so intimidated by the Steelers logo, they jump right out. Very effective.</span></div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376528744405881922" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/Sp1EaC79VEI/AAAAAAAAAMY/YjKDTaR2AyA/s400/Steeler+razor.jpg" border="0" /> </div><div></div><div> </div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">This fine piece of artwork below was created by my good friend and talented artist Dan Hart. If you'd like to have a poster of your very own, please visit </span><a href="http://www.danhartdesign.com/"><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">http://www.danhartdesign.com/</span></a><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"> for his contact information.</span><br /><div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376529483451922914" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 314px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/Sp1FFEGQ-eI/AAAAAAAAAMg/D6QorUKuhYE/s400/Steeler+poster.jpg" border="0" /></div></div>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-60677871517519242212009-08-31T12:47:00.005-04:002009-08-31T13:50:54.040-04:00Who is the REAL cute Beatle?<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Paul McCartney was always known as "the cute Beatle," and while he's certainly not an ugly guy, I don't think he's aged as well as a lot of people would've hoped. I've made a surprising observation over the last few years: Ringo Starr wound up being the best-looking Beatle! I realize George Harrison and John Lennon have made their way to the big concert stage in the sky, but but before their deaths, they were not looking so hot.</span><br /><br /><div><div><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Seriously, how has this happened? Ringo was obviously not a looker back in the Beatles' heyday. I've compiled photos of the Fab Four in their later years here. Am I alone in my thinking on this one?</span> </div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376186578286682706" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 356px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SpwNNW0AIlI/AAAAAAAAAMI/DWbGCr8X3JI/s400/Beatles.jpg" border="0" /></div>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-32489666392145416522009-08-25T21:59:00.010-04:002009-08-28T00:56:06.800-04:00The Poop-Scootin' Boogie<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Hello pumpkins. I've missed you. It's been a little while since I've blogged. My lack of blogging was actually a feeble ploy to see who would start harassing me to blog, and also to see how long it would take. I'm totally manipulative that way.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Just kidding! I was just not inspired to write anything new lately. I was recently blessed, however, with an insane situation with a neighbor, and you all will be benefiting from these shenanigans. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">But, before I get into that, I must point something out, if you haven't noticed it. I refrain from using curse words in my blog (although I think I might have written H-E-double-hockey sticks a few times. Shhhhhh.) So, why don't I write like a truck-stop waitress talks? There are a few reasons. I know some former, current, and possibly future employers read it (as well as my mother). Also, it's a challenge to try to be funny without swearing. Let's be honest here, the judicious use of an F-bomb every now and then really helps to get your point across, and can definitely add humor to a situation. But even though I frequently find it funny when others pepper a conversation with a lot of four-letter words, I also think it's a short-cut on the way to Funny Town. And finally, as the late, great ODB once said, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BS181X4F3bw">"Wu Tang is for the children." </a>I feel the same way about my blog. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I'm telling you all of this because it's going to be a monumental task to not swear during this blog post. I'm going to have to get creative here, people, and practice a lot of breathing exercises. Giddy up.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">So, as mentioned, this situation involves a neighbor. I have no fear of her discovering this blog post because she is 82 years old. But she doesn't look a day over 79. Just kidding, she is actually quite spry for an old broad. We'll call her Bea. </span><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">She goes to Curves three times a week, runs her own business, drives competently (as far as I know), and has an...er...active romantic life with her octogenarian boyfriend. Ugh. Bea overshares sometimes, too. I've repressed most of the details of the boyfriend stories, so no need to worry about me relaying those to you. The mind has an incredible ability to protect itself.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Bea's also quite sweet, and I'm often tasked to help her do things like put on a necklace, fix her TV when she's mistakenly pressed a wrong button on the remote, or hook up her answering machine. I'm more than happy to help with any and all of these kinds of requests. My generosity has its limits, however.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Last week, I walked out onto my back patio to get my mail. (Yes, my mail comes to the back of the house. Don't ask). There, standing in the middle of my patio is Bea. My yard is enclosed by a six-foot privacy fence, but we are friends with the neighbors on both sides, and they pass back and forth frequently. So it was not entirely unusual to see her standing there, but I was surprised to see a pink leash in her hand with a white fluff ball at the other end of it. Bea had gotten a dog! This was not just any dog...this was a Coton De Tulear with a pink hair elastic hoisting its bangs up into a Pebbles Flintstone-style 'do. Bea proceeds to introduce me to...wait for it...Diva. She has taken ownership of the five-year-old dog from a friend. My radar immediately goes up. I know what's coming. Diva is in my yard because she is visiting her new toilet. Sigh.<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SpdhD3doh6I/AAAAAAAAALo/lPI-ABiYuiQ/s1600-h/Diva.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374871399345719202" style="FLOAT: right; MARGIN: 0px 0px 10px 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 289px" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SpdhD3doh6I/AAAAAAAAALo/lPI-ABiYuiQ/s400/Diva.jpg" border="0" /></a></span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Pittsburgh is a hilly place, and yards are rarely flat. I'm lucky enough to have one of the more level ones. Bea, however, has a few concrete steps to traverse up to get into her yard. She also has a neighbor on the other side of her, with which she is mortal enemies (long boring story). Using my yard as Diva's personal dumping ground enables Bea to both avoid the steps and the prying eyes of her arch rival.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I give Bea the benefit of the doubt for the moment, however, and refrain from asking why she's in my yard with Diva. (For the record, Diva seems like a sweet dog. I should also note at this juncture that I am not a dog owner at the moment, and have been enjoying a doodie-free yard since I had to put my yellow Lab down last year. RIP Eddie.)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Bea and I exchange niceties about the dog, and go on about our day. Late the next evening, I spot her tippy-toeing around in my yard again with Diva. She was sporting a black velour zip-up robe, bed head, and no make-up. I head outside to see what's up. Bea tells me she's happy to see me, and asks if I mind if Diva does her business in my backyard. She chalks it up to the fact that I have a fenced-in yard (she does not), and the dog can roam free here. I make some non-committal grunts as she rambles on about picking up after the dog. As we are chatting, Diva heads out to the far corner of my yard and proceeds to drop a deuce while twirling around and around, so there are several landmines rather than one civilized pile. Bea looks at me, slightly chagrined, and says, "The one time I forget to get a bag!" Suuuurrrrrre. She heads back to her house for a grocery bag, while Diva continues her pooping pirouette. The dog was clearly not having an entirely satisfying potty break. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Bea marches to the back of my yard with a flashlight and a Giant Eagle bag, but quickly turns on her heel and tells me it's too dark to see the doodie, and she'll report back for hazmat duty in the morning times. All the while, Diva remains engaged in her awkward poop dance throughout my backyard. Bea heads back to join me on my patio and we resume our chat. Diva joins us within seconds, and proceeds to SCOOT ON HER BUTT across my patio, six inches from my flip-flop clad feet. I'm trying to think of a couth way to say this, but I think that train left the station long ago. Let's just say that the journey Diva's furry little butt took across my patio left a significant...er...skidmark. Ugh. </span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">Bea looks as mortifed as the woman can, and tells me she'll get some water. I tell her not to bother, and I head for the garden hose. I'm sure my patio was due for a good washdown anyway. After thanking me profusely and telling she's lucky to have such a good neighbor, Bea heads back home with Diva in tow. But not before I advise her to take a look at Diva's rear end as soon as she gets inside. No doubt that dog needed some assistance that could only be provided by opposable thumbs and a lot of wet paper towels.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">I'm left stunned, unsure of how I'm how I'm going to get myself out of this situation. Perhaps I'll be calling <a href="http://unrealneurallauren.blogspot.com/2009/08/doodie-deeds.html">Doodie Deeds</a> in the near future.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;">This whole situation makes me think of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9uWjt2y_G0Q">this scene from "Billy Madison."</a></span>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-40275041904699349952009-08-13T00:02:00.010-04:002009-08-13T00:36:27.438-04:00Why yes, I am ready for some football, thanks for asking.<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">To commemorate the commencement of <a href="http://www.steelers.com/">Pittsburgh Steelers </a>preseason football today (squeeeee!), I am posting some Steelers-related photos that I've been saving for just the right moment!</span> <div><br /></div><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">US Air clearly knows what time it is. I took this photo of the <a href="http://blogs.usatoday.com/sky/2007/09/us-airways-dedi.html">Steelers-themed airplane </a>in Charlotte, NC in June, from the seat of my plane.</span><br /></p><div><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369296379491386754" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SoOSnAFgBYI/AAAAAAAAALQ/2sAuZO-Uias/s400/Steeler+plane.jpg" border="0" /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">I snapped this photo of the "Terrible Truck" at a red light near the Robinson Town Centre. I have no ideas what the owners of this truck do for a living, but they obviously bring it.</span><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369297940733876514" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 300px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 400px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SoOUB4Kt2SI/AAAAAAAAALY/F7NJ2lO9YYo/s400/terrible+truck.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">James Harrison isn't afraid of his shadow, James Harrison's shadow is afraid of him!</span></p><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369299077658598722" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 300px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_rAHceHSwBdM/SoOVEDisXUI/AAAAAAAAALg/xa9kJ8XmkXM/s400/James+Harrison+bobble.jpg" border="0" /><br /><p><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Whenever I'm having a tough moment at work, I simply look to my James Harrison bobblehead doll on my desk, and ask myself, "What would James Harrison do?" It would probably look something like this:</span><br /><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fC3xNSiRTDc&amp;hl=en&amp;fs=1&amp;rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fC3xNSiRTDc&hl=en&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></p>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-88852710083606812792009-08-11T14:13:00.004-04:002009-08-11T14:30:14.523-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">There's nothing quite as funny as politics. Keep on rockin' in the free world.</span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Facebook Status of the Day:</strong></span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Alright, I easily won the health care debate tonight. Now I'm going to reward myself by looking at pictures of Vanessa Hudgens naked. I heard she's famous, but I really don't know. Either way, Barack Obama is our president, and I'm damn proud!</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Actual sound-bite heard at a recent town hall meeting on health-care reform: “Keep your government hands out of my Medicare.”</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span></p><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">CI wants all his friends and relatives who are getting downsized, cut back, screwed down, kicked out and otherwise bedeviled by these hard times to band together with me in a live/work commune out on the land someplace. We shall live by our labors and reclaim our humanity. But there will be no TV. Now then, anybody got a couple hundred acres they aren't using?</span></li></ul>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3958364974751227188.post-63340371421422572602009-08-10T15:23:00.003-04:002009-08-10T15:40:07.795-04:00Facebook Status of the Day<span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Today's post would more accurately described as "Facebook Status of the Past Several Days," but that would just look clunky, wouldn't it? The primary issue was that not enough people were funny in a single day to make it worthwhile. I'm thinking of you, dear reader, when I compile these. We all want these posts to be funny, no? So, vaguely amusing or mildly witty aren't going to cut it with me.</span><br /><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><strong><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Facebook Status of the Day:</span></strong><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">Last time I went to Italy a lady threw a baby at me. While I tried to catch the baby, a little boy grabbed my wallet, arghhh!! SO if any body throws you a baby, just swat it to the ground!! Swat!!"</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><strong>Runners Up:</strong></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">CG realized this morning that the dietitian assigned to Bob has the last name "Bacon." This should go well.</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">BR wonders what it means when a trip to Somerset County yields an arranged Amish wedding and an indecent proposal from a one-legged man, with a cage full of birds, on a red scooter.</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">MP blames my parents for my pain in the ass kids, because they said years ago, "I hope you have kids just like you."</span></li></ul><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"></span><br /><ul><li><span style="font-family:trebuchet ms;">JC just taped a Nerf dart to her son's face for a microphone so he can pretend to be a Jonas Brother.</span></li></ul><p><span style="font-family:Trebuchet MS;"><em>Thanks to Keri, Julie, Beth, and Janis for sending suggestions!</em></span></p>LaBosshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05682737256845385605noreply@blogger.com0