Thursday, October 05, 2006

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Tina vs Britney: It's Over!

MSNBC.com is reporting that Christina Aguilera gave a $750 gift bag to Britney Spears, thus ending their feud. If I recall, the feud stemmed from Christina used to be jealous of Brit b/c Brit was the queen of pop even though Tina was more talented.

No Shit their feud is over and it has nothing to do w/ a dam gift bag---Christina won! Tina is still a pop queen while Brit a a fat azz mother of two walking around barefoot and grubbing fast food. Tina's gesture was the same thing as if you beat somebody's ass and then offer to give them a ride to the hospital. "Uh, sorry your face is fucked up----here's a band-aid." (i.e. sorry your career is over and you are a fat, white trash, hog----here are some baby toys.)

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Dirty Screech

The New York Dailly News is reporting today that Dustin Diamond has a sex tape coming out. Says the Daily News:

We can't get too graphic here, but word is that the action includes some bodily functions and an act known as a "Dirty Sanchez."

What could I possibly say to add on to that?? A Dirty Sanchez?? Really?? For those of you that don't know, I've been told it involves a finger in the ass and then rubbing that finger on your partners upper lip.......I mean, WOW. I wonder if he gave or received??

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Paris Hilton: Bad at Geography

Ecoist.com hired Paris Hilton the spokesperson for their company. Aparently, everytime you buy one of their accesories, they plant a tree (or some hippie shit like that).

According to msnbc.com:

“Ecoist is hoping that Paris will join them in October on a trip to Port-Au-Prince to plant more than 40,000 trees,” a source says. “But when she was told about the trip, Paris had no idea where Haiti was. When she was told that they speak French there [along with Creole], she said, ‘I wouldn’t mind spending a few days there and the weekend in Paris.”

Willie Nelson: BUSTED (again)

MSNBC is reporting that Willies Nelson was busted the other night for Mushrooms (aka. boomers) and marijuana. Speaking from experience, that is an intense buzz. The last two times I subjected myself to that were in Amsterdam and then at a Phish show---I was 21 and it involved laughter, tears, and vomiting....In other words, it was awesome.

Willie probably was able to hold his buzz a little better than I did though considering he is 73 years old and has at least 55 years of experience. Can anyone here imagine their grandparents on mushrooms?? And we thought it was Alzheimer's...........

Friday, September 15, 2006

ZING!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Things that get on my nerves version 1.0

I just got back from the dentist. Nothing is more annoying than the Hygenist trying to have a conversation with me when she is cleaning my teeth. You would think she had cleaned enough teeth that they would know that humans are incapable of speeking with a pick-axe, tooth brush, and fire hose in their mouths.

Another thing that gets on my nerves: pubic hair

I am heading out of town on a humanitarian mission. Y'all have a good weekend and see you Monday.

I'm starting now

I can understand his frustration--My threesomes usually end up with only one of the girls getting my D and the other girl just sitting there occasionally licking my balls and flicking her bean while grunting "yeah".

Well, that is exactly what being the back up punter must feel like---you're the girl who just grunts "yeah." Now does anyone want to be the back up punter??

And why the picture of the cat with a lime on its head? Because it's adorable.

Katie Holmes' Baby Daddy is Who?

I just got this email forwarded to me and have no idea if it's true or not. However, it does sound resonable...I mean, Tom does seem to fancy penis so this makes some sense. Enjoy:

Guess what I heard:

You guys are not going to believe this... I finally found out why KatieHolmes agreed to this charade with Tom Cruise. Here's the story:

It all started when Katie was engaged to Chris Klein. Apparently, he isthe father (just wait, listen to the evidence). So, Chris Klein brokeoff the engagement and has been pretty cold ever since. Katie was eitheralready pregnant or became pregnant during their break-up and get back togetherphase (it's unclear). Katie was basically heart broken and pregnant witha baby whose father wanted nothing to do with them.

In comes Tom Cruise. It was the perfect situation: Tom is gay and needs tobe married to cover his image and Katie was in need (and Tom paid Katieto enter into this contract).

Katie and Tom began their whirlwind romance right after Katie's engagement was called off. They had to make it intense right off the bat because she didn't have a big window to "get pregnant".

Hence the couch jumping and other ridiculous acts that were done to makethe public believe that they were so in love that they just wanted tohave a baby right away.

Fast forward. Remember how quickly Katie got big and how big she was forso long??? She actually delivered the baby well before they announcedthe delivery, AND that's why they've kept the baby in hiding for 4months.

It's easy to tell that a 2 month old could not possibly be 3 weeks old, butthere's not a huge difference between a 4 month old and a 5 month old.

Got it. It's crazy and you heard it here first (Edited to add: You can really sense how worked up this chick gets with every word she types. She LOVES this shit.)