Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition

My title refers to the title of a popular song during World War II. Today, as we know, both pieces of advice are frowned upon in left-wing circles. The irony is that at the very same time that Obama and his favorite Munchkins are doing their level best to disarm Americans, the same crowd is gift-wrapping 20 F-16 fighter jets and sending them to the Muslim Brotherhood, the folks running the show in Egypt.

Now a sane person might wonder why liberals trust our sworn enemies more than they do law-abiding American citizens. But once you begin asking liberals to make sense, you might as well start expecting dogs to write sonnets and horses to compose concertos.

One would think that with the two houses of Congress brimming over with Jews, Obama would have to tread carefully in the Middle East. But, as you may have noticed, he has found that he can ignore the likes of Lautenberg, Schumer, Waxman, Boxer and Franken, with impunity. Otherwise, there’s no way on earth he would have even considered nominating Chuck Hagel to be his next Secretary of Defense. Hagel, who was an undistinguished Republican senator from Nebraska is the only sort of Republican Obama likes; namely, the sort who supported him in 2008 and again in 2012.

What makes Hagel such an obviously lousy choice for the job isn’t that he’s a political turncoat, but that he makes it a habit to side with Israel’s enemies, makes contemptuous remarks about what he and every other anti-Semite refers to as “the Jewish lobby,” and that he opposed the surge in Iraq, as well as sanctions on Iran. The irony is that it’s unlikely that the Jews in the Senate would embarrass Obama by opposing Hagel’s nomination on those totally appropriate grounds, but might vote against him because of an anti-gay crack he made some years ago.

In the meantime, the Democrats continue their anti-gun crusade although even they aren’t dumb enough to believe that more gun control laws will do any more to diminish violence in America in the future than they have in the past. As Thomas Jefferson once summed up the issue: “Laws that forbid the carrying of arms disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes. Such laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; they serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man.”

Liberals are so loony on the subject that if you ask them what unarmed citizens are supposed to do when attacked, they’ll actually say — with a straight face, no less — that they should call the cops. So it seems that every time a man is mugged or a woman is raped, the real problem is that they neglected to place a call in the middle of the assault.

Even liberals must understand that cops do not prevent crimes, except for violations of driving laws and jaywalking; their job is to solve crimes once they’ve been committed. Perhaps I’m guilty of giving liberals too much credit, but surely even they can grasp the fact that when there’s a cop standing nearby, criminals mind their manners. That isn’t because down deep they respect the concept of law and order, but because cops are people with guns.

Crooks are equally likely to mind their p’s and q’s when they have reason to suspect that their intended victim might be packing a heater.

One of my readers suggested that if Democrats were really sincere, they would make Washington, D.C., a gun-free zone, just like schools, malls, movie theaters and Fort Hood. After all, if empty words are enough to keep our kids safe, why aren’t they good enough for members of Congress, Joe Biden and Barack Obama?

If the government passes anti-gun laws, we all know it will do nothing to eliminate mass murders. That means the natural next step will be to expand their attack on the Second Amendment by outlawing ammo. I even know what their slogan will be: “Guns Don’t Kill People, Bullets Do.”

With the recent votes to legalize marijuana in Washington and Colorado, my friend, Don Melquist, has passed along a slogan of his own: “Grow your own dope. Plant a Democrat.”

Even though I used to be a movie critic, I generally leave that stuff to those who get paid to sit through these snoozearamas. But there are times I’d feel like a cad if I didn’t offer a warning that could save people not only money, but over two-and-a-half hours of time they can never get back.

I never went to see “Les Miserables” on stage, and I had no intention of seeing the movie, but because, as a member of the WGA, I get to cast votes for Writers Guild awards, I get sent a number of videos at the end of the year. This year, one of those was “Les Mis.” To be fair, I must admit that a few of my friends enjoyed the movie. That leads me to wonder just how much alcohol these people consume when I’m not around.

For one thing, there are only a few decent songs in the entire score. For another, the conceit of the thing is that they thought they were creating an opera, so the dialogue, most of which is banal, is sung. Finally, at the risk of treading on a literary classic, Victor Hugo’s novel never made any sense to me. Why on earth would Javert, the head of the French police, feel compelled to devote his life to tracking down Jean Valjean, who, at worst, was a petty thief? There weren’t enough thieves and murderers in France to keep the man occupied? At least when Captain Ahab set out to harpoon Moby Dick, the damn whale had taken off his leg. But it wasn’t even Javert’s loaf of bread that Valjean had stolen.

As if all that weren’t bad enough, at the end of the movie, we get to see the French rabble standing atop their barriers, raising their fists and looking for all the world exactly like the Wall Street occupiers who did so much last year to turn our own streets into urban pig sties.

Finally, although I haven’t yet spotted EPA-approved E-15 gas being sold at service stations in L.A., word has it that the stuff, which has a high corn content, can destroy your car’s engines in no time at all.

In related news, the EPA has announced the opening of 20,000 shops nationwide to be called Obama’s Jiffy Engine Replacements. Its catchy slogan is “Affordable Healthcare for Your Car.”

Burt Prelutsky, who lives in the San Fernando Valley with his wife Yvonne and dog Angel, has a long and distinguished writing career that includes newspapers, magazines, and TV. He is also the author of “Conservatives Are From Mars, Liberals Are From San Francisco,” “Liberals: America’s Termites” and, recently, “Barack Obama, You’re Fired!” and a collection of interviews, “67 Conservatives You Should Meet Before You Die,” which includes the likes of Paul Ryan, Newt Gingrich, Gary Sinise, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Michael Medved, Joseph Wambaugh, John Bolton, Lee Greenwood, Charles Krauthammer, Phyllis Shlafly, David Limbaugh, Bernard Goldberg, and the three Pats: Boone, Sajak, and Robertson.