Tuesday, November 23, 2010

B*r*r*r*r

Fifteen degrees, wind howling, whipping the branches this way and that, blowing the snow into clouds that scud along the ground gathering size as they go, chilly even in the house with a wood stove fire blazing all day, I'm wrapped in a down comforter, woolly slippers, wool sweater and fleece vest... and still I'm feeling the brrrrr.

Oddly, more than personal confrontations, this vengeful show of nature's power has me wanting to eat. All day and all evening the kitchen has been calling my name. "Come here, my pet, you need something... maybe a few crackers? a few nuts? or perhaps a grilled cheese sandwich? what about popcorn?"

Entitlement thinking. I deserve to eat.

I went for a walk. Put full feeders out for the birds. I drank tea... and more tea. And still the kitchen calls.

Note to storm: You are a challenge, displaying your awesome force like this. You frighten me. I'm afraid the power will go out, a tree will fall on one of our buildings, the water pump will freeze, animals and birds will die; I'm nervous about chimney fires, cracked engine blocks, frozen pipes. Your noise scares me. I am naming my feelings rather than making popcorn.

5 comments:

Eeeek! I'd be frightened in your shoes. Our boiler broke down at the weekend (no heat and no hot water) so I can relate to the Brrrrrr. Fortunately, we didn't have a storm and it is fixed now.

I know you want to stick to your eating plan but feeling so cold and wanting food go hand in hand. A good nourishing meal will make you feel warmer and if you feel warmer you won't be craving food so much.

Hope the storm is soon over. As long as you have an internet connection we are all here for you, just an email away :-)

I think coral-seas is right on this one...it's natural to try to eat when you're cold...fuel to stoke your inner furnace.How about a nice big pot of soup or stew that you can dip into during the day...no sugar triggers and the warmth and smell will make you feel warmer and snugger.(every now and then, a cigar is just a cigar, ya know, lol!)

I am so grateful that you wrote. I too have been feeling really frightened by the cold & wind & snow...thinking about the power going out, a tree falling on the house, something happening that I don't know how to fix. I also feel frightened for all the people who might not get to a shelter to stay warm. Well I just am proud of you for feeling and writing & resisting the urge to block your feelings with food.

About Me

I am a compulsive overeater, a "food" addict. I am as hard-core as any down-and-out drug addict, only my substance is legal, I have the money to get it, and I can still pass as normal. For more than 60 years, I have taken big hits of sugar/fat to blot out sorrows, to stuff down my fears, angers and pain... also to celebrate any and every little thing you can imagine... until I feel almost nothing at all, until I'm stupefied and numb. In March of 2010, I razed the bottom. I went to my first Overseaters Anonymous (OA) meeting and have begun a journey of recovery. This blog is my journal of healing.