133 PROTéST }.:..; ". '.. J. ':if ::{.-.I:;;.:. I HAVE been constrained by the importunities and not very lightly veiled innuendoes of my friends to set the record straight on the declaration of a certain Agatha Winthrop that ap- peared on page 7 of the August 27th is- sue of T he New Yorker under a photo- graph of my recent domicile (as houses are called in the Social Register). The photograph and Agatha Winthrop's quoted statement form the essential ingredients of an advertisement for Crane's letter paper-specifically, for "Crane's Greylawn paper with a tissue- lined envelope." Agatha Winthrop, purportedly writing on this stationery, ]s quoted thus: " '. . . so you see, my dear Sir, how much the brownstone means to me. Surely, your impending skyscraper might fit in quite nicely elsewhere. Cor- dially . . .'" The point, or kicker, of the advertisement lies in the photograph, which shows mv house standing intact but utterly alone in an empty lot, thus í:" leading the credulous reader, or adver- tisand, to believe that .i\gatha Win- throp's letter and letter paper have stopped progress in its tracks. My friends have helpfully adduced various explanations of the circum- stances to account for the existence of Miss (or Mrs.) Winthrop and for her perfervid attachment to the house. These k]ndly explanations have in- cluded the following: A. Miss Win- throp was my mistress-which led to two subsidiary explanations: A-I, I was keeping her in the house, or A-2, she was keeping me. B. Miss Winthrop was a maiden aunt living with us but kept sequestered behind a ba] red attic door, in the Charles Addams manner. C. Agatha was a full-time maid in my house. (To one living on a scientist's salary, as I am, this grotesque theory can be dismissed out of hand, without fur- ther discussion. ) Since the house is unmistakably one in which I lived until December 15, 1959 (I can tell by the unique serrations in the front walls, the monstrous apart- ments in the background, the last two figures of the address-"-39"-clearly I visible, the wrought-iron railing over ;... the bay window below the top floor, the ( air-conditioner in the parlor-floor win- dow, and, finally, the morning-glory [Ipomoea purpurea], planted with my own hands, trailing up the wrought-iron handrail to the right of the stoop), it is necessary for me to state unequivo- cally that none of these explanations apply. A. I do not have, and have never had, a mistress called Agatha W]n- 80 PROOF. SOLE U. S. REPRESENTATIVES: MUNSON G. SHAW CO., INC., NEW YORK 17 N. Y. "1' " >.'+ <<'fI<I " 6. "'$ J <<i '.,' 1 " *". t-" :0$" f "'I- .... Wi '>>$' '\:- '- . / õfi\ ' i -:.-:> \,,:. '. .:... .Vo" .....: ..:...... ",". " . t <:::,:.. ,"', M'. { " '/ A"'" ..,. :'t"" '.: Æ" "p' . ,.. }^ <<ro J. &)'.:;:. % ". ,' ." j -; ':" jY .:,' r r. t {o '. :. ).- . t. j!''''' Þ v", . '"J( \ -x", rc: -< "/' 'Å . // / /, .<40. ",,1 f" , -0 '" .(i f."" '\: .r,,! . l " ; <(R t, '\> .:: .t x !" ".--:.' . <' '>.. ' -'1>^ t> '" :;":;. ":-:. "::: :' ..' þ "t . Irish Mist Liqueur