Reasons I haven’t killed my husband

It’s nine years and I haven’t killed my husband. With the way we annoy each other you would think we would be on murder watch, but actually, we seem to have managed to make our differences work.

We are one of those couples people don’t quite “get”

– what do they have in common? how did they even meet?

He is neatly laced brogues on hardwood floors when I am barefoot in the rain. He is braai vleis and tracks pants when I am sushi and stilettos. But somehow we work.

At our engagement party, my dad said that he knew when I introduced Rob to the family that he would be the one to “tame me”

Because:

A. my dad makes macho jokes because they annoy me

B. Rob fills up the parts of my person which I am lacking.

He is quiet when I am loud and strong when I am weak. He handles paperwork because forms make me anxious. I handle phone calls because despite being a detective and talking to people for a living, he doesn’t like speaking on the phone and making appointments or even ordering at the drive through.

He often cooks and cleans because I am always busy with some side hustle.

Example: I’m on the floor of the bathroom typing while Aidan baths and he is making a delicious soup.

You know the couple in yours mine and ours, the straight-laced sailor and the hippy dippy designer, that’s us (with wayyyyy fewer kids) and here is 5 ways we have managed to not kill each other…

Why I haven’t killed my husband

We get angry

We annoy each other so much that I have jumped up and down screaming and he has punched a wall. But thing is we get it out and we move on, we don’t hold on to things we let it rip and let it heal

We give each other space

Rob is a gamer, it helps him unwind (jip fake shooting people helps him deal with seeing real people shot, it’s messed up) I craft and chat to friends. We don’t a damn get what the other sees in their chill activities, but we give each other space, no judgment. Also, all three of us thrive on alone time so it just works.

We are both 100% in the parenting game

Neither of us has more responsibilities than the other. Nothing is set in stone, but we both know that this kid is both our responsibility so we share everything. We take turns taking off from work for Dr’s visits and sick days. Take turns with activities and do Mommy and me and Daddy and me days which frees the other one up. (This might not be as easy with more kids I’m sure)

We laugh together

Comedy shows are our favourite date night activity and we love sketch shows on YouTube. We laugh together and quite honestly we also pray together. Even when one of us struggles with faith, as we have with job losses, long distance marriage, and child loss, the other prays.

We try not to sweat the small things (we try not to)

Marriage is hella annoying, there is someone always in your space. (He is twice my size and takes up, even more, space to be honest.) His shoes are everywhere and then he gets annoyed when my bag is somewhere it shouldn’t be. I always find excuses to not to the dishes (it’s been years, I think he has given up on me) and he apparently never hears Aidan asking for water at 2 am. He hates group activities, I’d love a good games night. We are both really tired by the end of the day and have watched shows we have no interest in just to avoid having to get up to change the channel. The thing is, we know that we aren’t perfect so we try not to let small things mess up the big picture.

I’m always reminded of the movie Why did I get married and the 80 20 rule.

This rule states that most people get 80% of what they need from a marriage yet they tend to go after the 20% that someone outside can provide for them because it appears to be more to them when it really isn’t.

So that’s the main reason I haven’t killed my husband, I am not willing to give up 80 for 20.