May 31, 2007

CaliValleyGirl said she often wants to run off and start her own country. Here's another reason to join her:

Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton outlined a broad economic vision Tuesday, saying it's time to replace an "on your own" society with one based on shared responsibility and prosperity.

The Democratic senator said what the Bush administration touts as an ownership society really is an "on your own" society that has widened the gap between rich and poor.

"I prefer a 'we're all in it together' society," she said. "I believe our government can once again work for all Americans. It can promote the great American tradition of opportunity for all and special privileges for none."

That means pairing growth with fairness, she said, to ensure that the middle-class succeeds in the global economy, not just corporate CEOs.

"There is no greater force for economic growth than free markets. But markets work best with rules that promote our values, protect our workers and give all people a chance to succeed," she said. "Fairness doesn't just happen. It requires the right government policies.

Great googily moogily. That's an extremely scary worldview.

Of course "fairness doesn't just happen," because what people like Clinton want is fairness of result. And that requires that the government rig the system so that overachievers can't get rich and dumb people don't get poor. What's "fair" about the United States is that anyone who works hard can get rich, or at least move up the economic scale. Just ask the Combodian donut makers, who own upwards of 90% of donut shops in California. They came to this country, invested in a business where they could be successful, and work their tails off:

Its not easy work at all. As a family we are working seven days a week, the store is open 24 hours, and we have no family time. Its tiring, said a 26-year-old Chinese American who requested anonymity.

No one offered to make things more fair for these people. They came to the US and worked, instead of expecting the government to help them live. And they did it "on their own." I know several people from countries like Poland and Bulgaria who came to the US with the money in their pockets and worked like the dickens to earn every cent they have. If they can do it, anyone can. On their own.

They tried the "'we're all in it together' society" before; it was called the U.S.S.R. And it failed miserably because not everyone wants to work as hard as a Cambodian donut cutter. Is Hilary Clinton really silly-brained enough to think that this is the direction the US should take?

Hey, Cali, if we start this new country, I want the Cambodians to come with us.
Donuts rule.

1
I never understood those weirdo cults before. Like the Branch Davidians in Waco, TX. However, although I don't agree with them I can understand the desire to just branch off, because you want to get off the wildly out of control train before it derails.

3
As long as there's someone who can cook good Mexican food, I'd like to apply for citizenship in that country, too.
Can I be Secretary of State? In college I was voted "Most Likely to Cause an International Incident", and it might be a way for me to fulfill that.

Posted by: airforcewife at June 01, 2007 03:03 AM (0dU3f)

4
Instead of "running away" how about making sure this socialist pig doesn't get elected.

The flippant deal is still bothering me a bit. I don't think I've ever heard the words "Sarah" and "flippant" used in the same sentence in my life, so I'm still trying to wrap my head around this. I think that's the worst insult she could've given me, considering how seriously I take motherhood. I went to her site and did a search on the word pregnancy, and I read about her miscarriage. It sounds awful, and I am deeply sorry that she had to go through this. But can't she have any sympathy for me? I'm almost 30 and I don't have any children, and I want one. She has children; can't she understand why I would be sad that I am not pregnant? And how could she possibly accuse me of being "flippant" about pregnancy when she wrote this post about being pregnant?

The only person who has moral authority over this blog is Heidi Sims. The other day I wrote a post about how great my husband is; you think that makes her feel good to read that? But she didn't feel the need to comment and say what a jerk I am. Trust me, I think about her every time I post about my so-called troubles, ever since the day when I was moaning about my husband being the last one home from Iraq, she was there to give me an attagirl. Carren Ziegenfuss always says that every person's life is different and you are only responsible for dealing with the troubles you have; you don't have to constantly feel bad that your husband has all ten fingers. I do constantly feel bad about those things, and I feel it in this situation too. I feel for people who really do have infertility issues. I feel for people who have lost children. I don't need a commenter to point out what a jerk I am for not prefacing posts about my life with disclaimers that I know my problems aren't real problems. I am already well aware of that, thankyouverymuch. But they're the problems on my plate, and this is where I deal with them.

2
Sarah- I didn't think you were being flippant, and I know you weren't. But we can't always control what others want to see in words that affect them.
I've spent an awful lot of my life having things I say misconstrued - sometimes willfully misconstrued because someone wanted to see something whether it was there or not. It's one of the dangers of speaking/writing in a way that others want to read. If you were un-engaging or boring, no one would be here to read what you write about your path to growing your family.
Using sarcasm or other methods to try to take the "sting" out of something that is affecting you deeply is healthy -- for you. And for me. And for many people. But not for everyone.
Things will happen for you when they are supposed to happen, and not before. It would be nice to have been given a road map of our destiny when we are born, but we aren't. There is no law that says you aren't allowed to deal with your frustrations in the best way possible for your own health and sanity.
In retrospect, I would have to say if anyone was flippant, it was my email to you about the fun of trying for a baby vs. the horrors of dieting. Both things I am intimately familiar with. So, feel free to pass me the Flippant Queen title so you can take a load off.

Posted by: airforcewife at May 31, 2007 12:49 PM (0dU3f)

3
move over AFW,
I wanna be The Queen of Flippant. You may be funnier at it...can we share?
Yes, one of the bad things about the Blogosphere..
I call it Lost in Translation.
For example, I am hilarious in person....not so much on the blog...
(that was sarcasm for those that missed it)
Also can I move to Brits country?

4
Sarah,
We tried for just shy of a year to get pregnant and had given up. I was even sceduled for surgery to look for endo when by chance I peed on a stick because my boobs wouldn't fit into my bra yet I had lost 10 lbs. Viola the boy Oz is now on his way!
Everyting you said in your original post was exactly how I felt. I cursed the OPK kits, I cursed the thermometer as I took my temp every morning and I cursed my period every time it showed....Basically a swore A LOT!
Each person deals with their life's disappointments differently, mine is with sarcastic humor, you seem to be very methodical and presistent (with a slight twist of sarcasm). Doesn't make either one bad or good it just makes one mine and one yours. If this poster can't handle your way of dealing with YOUR life's issues then she needs to get her own blast life. SEESH, maybe you can buy her a sense of humor.
PS - Boff like bunnies during R&R, even if you don't get pregnant then either at least you had a really good time.

5
Wow, I hardly know what to say. I started blogging recently and have often wondered if I offended anyone with what I write. I read and reread your post trying to find something flippant. The first time I got pregnant it took two months and every time I got my period I cried. It is all about perspective and others should not judge you for yours. In addition to the fact that deployments put a ton of pressure on family time lines. Perhaps some of your readers need to be reminded that Army deployments last 12-15 months now, which really screws up family planning. I love reading your blog, keep it up!!!

Posted by: Sarah at May 31, 2007 03:37 PM (Ww52B)

6
I have been reading and lurking for awhile now and i have not seen you as flippant. If anything I find it reassuring and so very funny.
I am one of the people who has never had a problem getting pregant and when I read your post about how hard it has been on you I cried and wanted to give you one of mine. Really the 3 year old is yours to take. (DISCLAIMER: He is not really up for grabs. I just feel like giving him away for a few days.) Try not to let what others say who have not walked in your shoes get to you. Your heart is huge and this is your blog. You put out whatever you want and tell the ones who don't get it to "Bite me!!"

7
Opinions are like assholes, yes?
And as I said in my comment, I have tried to comment before, only to have it kicked back. It wasn't just this particular post, and as I said in my comment, I am sure that you don't mean to come across that way....
The miscarriage post that I made over a year ago? That was the first of three miscarriages. I am not looking for sympathy, it happens.
I understand more than anyone wanting to have babies and having windows of opportunity, and I have been reading you for a long time.... I think that what I SHOULD HAVE SAID was that it's not that easy sometimes to get pregnant, and there's only 12 times a year.... And when you finally are pregnant, it's no joke.... It's also not time to celebrate because it's just the beginning.
I do have sympathy for you.... I hope that you never have a bad experience or a shitty pregnancy, but it happens to other people all the time.... And thinking that it's going to be easy? Well, it's not. Thinking that bad things happen to other people, not you.
Talking about being a mom and being a mom are different, too. You can think that you are going to do it right, make the best decisions, read the right books....
You had a previous post about the "What to Expect..." books and the Q&A sections.... I felt you were pretty harsh with a know-it-all attitude about the women and the questions they were asking. I'm not going to research the post.
To me you are coming across as a very bright woman who doesn't understand a "surprise" pregnancy. You plan for it, through control... But there are few of us that have that much planning sense.
And like I said, I will leave it at that. I'm sure that I overreacted and now have this overreaction back at me.... Rereading things from me, posted a year, almost two, that were almost gone for me....
I am bummed that you didn't hit your window. Going through pregnancy alone isn't easy, either. For obvious reasons....
Guess I deserved that.

Posted by: allicadem at May 31, 2007 06:01 PM (wkFhu)

8
PHHHHT. Let me translate - compared to doom and gloom, nothing is easy, "it's not a time to celebrate" oracle addicadem, you ARE flippant. Thank God for that!

Posted by: Oda Mae at May 31, 2007 08:52 PM (wK887)

9
Sarah,
I've been reading your blog for 3 years now and I've never known you to be flippant. As far as pregnancy goes, it took us 2 years to get pregnant with our first. And, like a cliche, we got pregnant right after I returned from a deployment (along with half the other couples in the Brigade, it seems). I know it's frustrating when you want to start a family and nothing happens, but don't give up. At the same time, don't take away from enjoying your time together. Good luck!

Posted by: Chadd at June 01, 2007 03:25 AM (roGJq)

10
I really appreciated your post. My husband and I have been trying since January. Although we don't have the time concerns that you do (with your husband being gone), it's still frustrating and sad. The reason I really appreciated your post is that we're not telling anyone that we're trying, and as all of our friends get pregnant, and I get another period, it's just nice to know, that even though I don't know you and you have no idea who I am, I'm not alone.
Thank you!!!!

Posted by: Majik8 at June 01, 2007 05:58 AM (Lbvh6)

11
Her comments speak volumes about her, not about you, especially since no one seems to be agreeing with you being flippant. Sarah, only you can know what is best for you and your family. I see you trying to do that. You are obviously not going into this pregnancy and motherhood blindly. You are trying to set yourself up for success. It is so clear that you want this so badly, that you did pour your heart into that post, that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button would call you or your post flippant. I can understand how that hurts you deeply.
Even more surprising to me . . . she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further. Salt to the insult on top of injury. That's just bad behavior.
It is your blog. Post what you like. It looks like you have lots of supporters here who care about you and struggles to get pregnant. I'm sorry that this isn't coming easy for you.
Take care of yourself. And here's a big hug.

12
Very few people understand...perspective. I know you do.
Having a baby alone...twice, not much fun. Especially since we waited 10 years. (yes, we are planners, and guess what, it is important to plan the arrival of a human to our planet!)
And so while my Mother was in ICU, and I was at her bedside finally pregnant.....I watched the twin towers fall, and knew I would be alone, for the birth.
I am not sure if there is a perfect time or place, or way to have a baby.
And looking back, it was ok. I sure learned a lot about myself.
I am terribly baddass.
Would I have preferred to have DH there after 10 years of WAITING, you bet your ass on it.
But I guess The Lord thought there was a more important lesson for me to learn. I learned it TWICE!
So enjoy....and this post will probably comfort people tremendously. People in OUR position, or other couples trying, so there is that.
Moral authority, no one knows your life until they have lived it...
So continue with baby quest 2007, and enjoy!

13
"...that only a person with a great deal of emotional baggage, own personal suffering, and an apparent lack of a self-edit button..."
"...she didn't apologize, but tried to justify her position and blunt comments further."
Mom? Is that you?
Just kidding. Was I being flippant?
I am entitled to my opinion as is everyone else here in the blog'o'sphere.
I'm sorry how you reacted to what I said.... How's that for an apology?
Sarah.... I do apologize for hurting your feelings. I hope that we can move on (not moveon.org).
But if you were a little sore from 'flippant' I got it tenfold! POW! POW! WHAM! I remember Tammi getting a crappy response from a post -- you should have seen the turnout of defense!
Take it easy. Drink some wine. Listen to some Barry White. I heard that works.....

Posted by: allicadem at June 01, 2007 01:03 PM (wkFhu)

14
Yeah, AlliCadem, you got it with both barrels. But I think it's because people thought you took a cheap shot. Like I said in my email, your argument might have some merit, but you wrapped it in such an insulting bow.
No hard feelings. We squash it right now.

Flippant? I got called "flippant" in my attitude towards having a baby. Ouch.

I poured my heart into that post. I cried the whole time I wrote it. I think I'm anything but flippant about having a baby.

How many times have I called my mother, ArmyWifeToddlerMom, Angie, Erin, Kelly, Erin, and many others to ask questions about motherhood? To talk about how scared I am about taking this step in our life? How many conversations have CaliValleyGirl and I had about our own childhoods and which lessons we want to pass on to our future children?

This is practically the only topic my husband and I discuss anymore: how to foster upstanding human beings. We waited five years to get to this point, to make sure we were absolutely ready. And every day we get excited and extremely nervous about what the future holds. We know we don't have all the answers. But we're at the point where we're ready to try.

Cut me some freaking slack that now that we're ready, I want it to happen.

I sometimes forget that things don't always come off perfectly in written form. I forget that people who know me from the internet don't always really know me. But that comment came from someone whose blog I really liked, whose thoughts and ideas I always appreciated even if I didn't agree with them. That comment really, really stung.

Yes, I know that not getting pregnant for four months is not the worst thing that can happen to someone. Duh, I could write the book on Perspective. Every month as I cry, my husband reminds me that everything is OK and that we still have room for hope. I constantly think of people like my friend Kelly who have no hope and I ache inside. Trying to get pregnant and failing is the most humbling experience I've ever had, because it makes me really put my self in some painful shoes. I can't imagine doing this for years.

I'm sorry if I offended you with my "flippant" attitude towards the most important thing I've ever done in my entire life. I have no idea how that came across. But I do wish you'd kept your mouth shut, because I don't think you know me very well.

1
i didn't think it was flippant. i read the hurt behind your words and i'm sorry the window you wanted has passed. i know how scary it is to go through pregnancy alone, and to wonder whether your husband will be there for the birth. it's difficult. but you can do it, and the two of you (three of you, eventually) will have other ways to bond. it's not ideal, but you will still be thoughtfully bringing a baby into the world and raising an upstanding person who you will both love more than you can currently imagine.
it's very important... no, it is of the utmost importance, that you stop seeing your not being pregnant as a failure. you're not failing. you just haven't made your baby yet. YOUR baby. i'm not religious, but i do believe that when your baby is ready to come, he or she (they!?) will come. have faith in your God to make that happen in the right time (which may or may not have anything to do with your own schedule.)
we have completely different personalities. you're a planner and i'm a take it as it comes kind of person. we probably have a lot to learn from one another (i've actually started a little more planning since i started reading your blog), and in this case what i have to offer is to ask you to find a way to relax. take a mini-vacation with your husband, go up to the mountains or down to the beach, have fun and leave the thermometers and ovulation calendars at home.
also, i'm not sure what contraceptives you've been using, but it sometimes takes your system a while to straighten out after birth control pills and/or depo.
i wish you the best. and i also wish two lines for you, as soon as possible.

2
I sometimes forget that things don't always come off perfectly in written form.
While that may be true, your words/post was NOT flippant, quite the opposite in fact. After going back and reading the persons comment it seems she was more POd about having problems posting her comments previously.
Dont sweat it.
Good luck, you sound like youll make a great mom.

Posted by: tim at May 31, 2007 04:02 AM (nno0f)

3
I don't think that you are flippant at all.
Also a blog is somewhere where we have the courage to open up about issues we would perhaps never dream about discussing openly in "real life". You are wearing your heart on your sleeve with this issue. It takes courage to expose yourself like that and be vulnerable, and let the world into your private struggles. So it hurts even more so when someone faults you for this honesty.
I also know that Allicadem suffered a miscarriage recently, and she courageously shared the harrowing details of that on her blog. You two are going through similar struggles.
It seems to me that wires must have somehow been crossed (like Tim says, with the comments that didn't post), and Alli unfairly lashed out, because you two certainly have more in common, than differences.

4
Your post was anything but flippant. I believe I read it the way it was intended and I don't even know you. Personally, I didnt struggle getting pregnant, but I have alot of friends who did (and continue to). Therefore, I read your post w/empathy & understanding. While I do not pretend to walk in your shoes, I can read w/understanding & offer support.
In my opinion... it sounds like that comment came from someone who has their own personal problems/issues w/conceiving and no matter what you said or how you said it, would be misconstrued.

Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 05:42 AM (l3uZP)

5
Sarah,
I too must say the post, and subsequent posts come off as honest and true of your heart. I have seen nothing flippant about your baby quest.
It does take great courage to put yourself out there. And I feel rather bad, because I have encouraged you to write about it. I also left a flippant comment about practicing. Which was really to temper the discussion to feel lighter. Because I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU WANT THIS.... The quest for parenthood is an interesting and challenging one. And we face many ghosts along the way. For you to share your desire to parent perfectly, I do not see where this came off flippantly.
I hope it is a case of things not translating to one person...
Sometimes, in the World of blogging things are read with a personal agendas voice. I hope that was the case here.

6
Sarah - I typed a really long response & got an error when saving the comments. So I will keep it brief. What I wanted to say was that I didnt think your post was flippant at all. In fact, I read it the way I think you intended. I thought it to be heartfelt and honest. I dont pretend to walk in your shoes or to be able to 100% relate to your situation. Though I can provide empathy & support - and I don't even know you. I have several friends who struggled (and continue to struggle) w/getting pregnant.
My personal opinion (for what it's worth) is that I think the comment came from someone who must have a personal experience that keeps them "ultra sensitive" to this topic. To pass judgement on you without fully knowing your situation, much less you, isnt fair to anyone.
Take Care -
Keri

Posted by: Keri at May 31, 2007 07:40 AM (l3uZP)

7
Sarah - 3rd time is a charm. I keep getting an error when trying to post. But I feel like its important (at least to me) that I say this to you. I didnt think your post was flippant at all. I believe I read it the way you intended. It was heartfelt & honest. I dont pretend to walk in your shoes - heck, I dont even know you. But I do have alot of friends who have gone through similar struggles (and continue to) so I feel like I understand & can provide empathy or support.
To indicate your attitude is flippant on this topic, without knowing your situation or much less you is unfair.
Keri

A while back I wrote on SpouseBUZZ about the agony of trying to have a baby when you're in a race against deployments.

We've now officially missed our window.

Funny how when I was growing up I was led to believe that sex leads to pregnancy. Young girls are reminded over and over of teen pregnancy, thus I have been a birth control nazi from day one. And now I've seen this myth crumbling before my eyes, as I've just spent the last four months charting my temperature and counting days and worrying about egg-white mucus and absolutely failing at making a baby. All the horror stories about getting pregnant from a toilet seat, for pete's sake, feel pretty freaking absurd when you can't even do it when you're trying your hardest.

Every 28 days I feel like the world's biggest loser.

Today we've learned again that we've been unsuccessful, but I guess now the pressure of the race against time is off: my husband becomes deployable again in nine months. Barring a wonderful surprise, we now are pretty much guaranteed he won't be here for the birth of our baby. Hell, that's assuming we will ever be successful. At this point I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to think anymore.

My mom, bless her heart, keeps telling me to relax, that stress can prevent you from getting pregnant. I know she's got a point, but making a baby is pretty darned scientific too. Way more scientific than I was ever led to believe during sex ed classes. I've learned a lot about my body over the past few months, knowledge I wouldn't have if I'd gotten pregnant right away, for which I am indeed thankful. But with this knowledge comes the annoyed feeling that if we're doing everything right on the right days, why isn't this working?

Now I guess we can just throw up our hands and relax. It doesn't make a whit of difference whether I have a baby on my husband's third month of deployment or his sixth. Either way, we've missed out on something very important to me: his presence by my side in the hospital.

2
Sarah - I don't even know you (though I feel like I do from reading), but this brings tears to my eyes. I have a number of friends who have gone thru similar issues with conceiving, but none of them have faced the date of potential deployment on the horizon. I hope that everything works out for you, and that your husband will be by your side during delivery.
Do you have an ovulation predictor kit? Do you know for sure you are ovulating? I have several friends who used those & they "helped" alot.
Thinking of you -
Keri

Posted by: Keri at May 29, 2007 09:49 AM (l3uZP)

3
Yes, we take a pill for years so we won't get pregnant, and then many of us have to turn to drugs so we WILL get pregnant. Crazy ...
I can't help you out with the deployment issue, but ...
I know you have been told this a THOUSAND times, but I believe it really is true. My husband and I tried for a year to get pregnant - doing the ovulation kit (which was NEVER positive), etc, etc. We had been told from the beginning that it probably would not happen naturally for us. We decided to adopt and had just started researching the process when - you guessed it - the monthly pregnancy test was FINALLY positive.
The second time around, we said, eh, we'll give it a shot and if it happens it happens. No counting days or predicting hormone levels, etc. A month later, I was pregnant.
I'm not saying I know how you feel or that it will happen for you no matter what, I'm just saying that sometimes things do work out.
Hope that long ramble helped in some small way!
blogs.tampabay.com/standingby

Posted by: Jan Wesner at May 29, 2007 03:43 PM (5EgLa)

4
I echo the "ovualtion predictor kit"...It works! Best of luck and relax...I know that it is hard, but a baby is the best blessing and when he or she arrives, you will forget the months of trying and will only remember that he or she has finally arrived.

Posted by: StephanieBerndt at May 29, 2007 04:26 PM (+bp0U)

5
I hate to say it, but I'm with your mom. *grin*
First of all, it's much much easier to get pregnant the younger you are.
Second, I haven't looked at any studies, but it just makes sense that if you've been using pills to mess about with your hormones - it will take a while to "unmess" them... maybe up to a year or more depending on the woman.
Third, you are very analytical (much like me) doing everything in a certain way and orderly is natural to you - makes you feel like you have some control over your life. And while I know you'll have a hard time doing this... let it go.
The best thing to learn when you have kids is that there are some things you can't control. Things can and do happen when you least expect it. Things go right and wrong exactly when they shouldn't. And if everything goes exactly to plan every step of the way at this stage... you will (without even realizing it) set impossible standards for a child. It's just too tempting as a parent to want to try and control everything in their lives to make it "perfect". It never ever works.
So, put away your kits, stop worrying about when and where and most of all - enjoy being with your husband!!! Be together, be happy. The rest will work itself out. It won't be perfect - so enjoy the imperfections. Make your time with your husband count. You two as a unit are the most important thing - even after the baby comes. You two strong and in love will do more for your baby than anything else you ever do!
Stop "trying" and start living. Enjoy yourself. Things will fall into place. Really they will. And if you absolutely MUST do something... set a date on your calendar of a year from now - see where you are, see what's happening. Don't even look at it until it comes up on your calendar next year.

6
Ughhh...
Sarah,
There are few people that really honestly deserve the honor of guidig small people on the planet. You and your DH, will get the honor....puke and all to be sure...
Enjoy practicing while there is not the pitter patter of little fat feet in the house.....Use every available space you will not be able to once a small child comes into play.
Have fun, and let DH sweep dishes off of the kitchen table!

7
I have no kids and no practical experience on this topic. But it breaks my heart to see people like you who doing everything you can to have children and for whatever reason, it just isn't happening on your time schedule. I'm with AWTM, practice everywhere you can. Just see how much practice you can get in before he deploys. And remember that the practice is supposed to be fun and not "work". I bet anything, it will work for you. best wishes.

8
Some people try for years to get pregnant. Some people never get pregnant. I can't help but be somewhat offended by your flippant attitude at pregnancy and parenthood. I'm sure you probably don't mean to come across that way, but I have typed lengthy responses to you numerous times and each time, for whatever reason, it was never posted -- too much spam, computer takes a crap.... Maybe it was a sign?!? I should keep my mouth shut....
Pregnancy and parenthood is the most humbling and embarrassing experience.... Ever. You think you have all the answers and do everything "right" but guess what? You don't. And it won't. And not to be the biggest bummer, but some of us *finally* get pregnant, only to miscarry over and over. I'm sorry that you want to be pregnant right this second, but seriously? I have such a terrible time reading your posts about parenting and pregnancy....
I'll leave it at that.

Posted by: allicadem at May 30, 2007 05:46 PM (wkFhu)

9
Allicadem,
If you have such a difficult time reading her posts about parenting and pregnancy, then don't read them! She knows waiting four months is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things, but it certainly doesn't take away from her disappointment each monh. I hope you rethink your post to her. She's really a very sensitive, caring person.

Posted by: Nancy at May 31, 2007 08:13 AM (mfwPj)

10
Hi! I just started reading your blog a week ago, so nice to "meet" you!
I got married at 17, and Dh and I started trying for a baby a year later. It took us 10 months to get pregnant! At the time I thought all he would have to do was look at me to get pregnant, but it didn't happen that way. I even went to a docctor to get checked out, I started to really worry that something was wrong. But after 10 months I got 2 blue lines! With my second child it took 4 months, and with 3 and 4 it only took 1. It almost seemed like it took my body a few babies to "get the hang of it". Try not to stress too much and enjoy the trying!

11
I'm so sorry to hear that it's been such a trouble. I got no advice (no vast well of experience from which to draw, haha!). But I also have no doubt that it will eventually happen, just maybe not on your time table.
Yeah, that's not your style.
But hang in there. *hugs*

12
Im sort of late in commenting on this post and was a little upset at the "flippant" comment.
I still wanted to say, I'm sorry you missed your window.
I'll be praying God comforts you and continues to prepare you for motherhood. I'm believing for you, that you will get pregnant.
As I've heard it said:
You do all you can do and then......Let Go and Let God.
...and Im with AWTM!
*big hug*

May 28, 2007

MEMORIAL DAY

This evening we went to a nice local Memorial Day service. Actually, we almost didn't make it. I thought I knew which park it was at, but I was mistaken. We drove around for a long time trying to figure out where it was in town. I nearly gave up, but the last place we looked was correct. My husband teased me that I was ready to cut and run.

The ceremony was simple but nice. A local 8th grader read a lovely essay he wrote for the VFW's Patriot's Pen essay contest. And there's something completely humbling about being in the presence of POWs. I got choked up every time I looked at their group.

This year I don't quite have anything poetic to say about Memorial Day. But that doesn't mean that certainfamilies haven't been on my mind all day long. This year I'll leave the poetry to PFC Becker:

We are soldiers.
We are soldiers in the United States Army.
We are trained to be all we can be.

We fight for the freedom of many citizens of the United States.
We are all ready to meet our fates.

We all volunteer to defend the red, white and blue.
Not only the flag, but for the citizens of our great country too.

Since our country's birth for all these years,
we have been trained to be the best on Earth.

Many times we have went to war.
We will be involved in many more.

Generation by generation soldiers continue to enlist.
Some of us will got to war and definitely be missed.

Some soldiers will return and some won't.
Those who do not, we won't forget and we hope you don't.

Many of us are going to Iraq.
Some of us won't be coming back.

We have loved ones we are leaving behind.
They will always be in our prayers, hearts and mind.

If we don't make it home safely at the end of the war,
just remember we died defending the beliefs of those of many more.

3
That poem would be grammatically correct if it read "many times we have GONE to war" not "many times we have WENT to war." How about start defending the english language a little bit? I'd rather have that protected than a useless green zone in baghdad.

Posted by: Will at May 30, 2007 12:52 AM (soQkB)

4
Fuck you, Will. That soldier died in service to his country, so he can use whatever fucking grammar he wants. You are seriously one of the nastiest, lowest people I've ever encountered. Grow up.

Posted by: Sarah at May 30, 2007 07:51 AM (vrR+j)

5
Hey Will - How about defending human decency, you sick fuck?
You wanna know why I think the world is so twisted? Because good, decent, sometimes grammatically incorrect people like Gunnar Becker take a .50 cal round through the fucking head. To make it worse, educated dick beaters like you get to spout poison, spread hate, and dishonor others. Fuck you and fuck your grammar. You're still a worthless piece of shit whether or not you know how to utilize the English language.
Rot in Hell.

May 27, 2007

WAR AND PEACE

I found a new blog today called The Shield of Achilles. He had a link to the story behind his blog's name, which comes from the design on Achilles' shield in The Illiad:

The engravings include two cities, one at peace and one at war. In the city at Peace, a man had been murdered, and an argument was ensuing over payment of blood-money. In the city at war, besiegers were divided over either sacking the city, or allowing it to pay a tribute for peace. Among other messages, one was clear: Times of War and Peace are both filled with conflict. Moreover, wartime is not always evil and peacetime is not always virtuous; while there is suffering in War, there is also courage, heroism and honor, and during times of Peace there is still murder, cowardice, and greed. Even people negotiating Peace sometimes have self-serving aims.

This is just genius. What a fabulous name for a blog.

One thing that has always frustrated me is the naive idea people have that war is the opposite of peace. All the people who want to Bring the Troops Home Now seem to think that if there's not officially a war going on, then there will be peace. But peace for whom? Before we went into Iraq in 2003, there was not peace in Iraq. There was no peace for Adnan Abdul Karim Enad, the man who tried to climb in Hans Blix's car to escape Iraq. There was no peace for the children who filled jails or the folks who went through a plastic shredder. There was no peace for the women raped by Uday or the families gassed by Saddam. Just because we weren't there, it doesn't mean everyone was flying kites and eating gumdrops.

Conversely, there's no "war" going on in North Korea or Zimbabwe, but I'm not sure I'd want to live in their "peace" either. France is at peace, but that doesn't help you if your car is set on fire during the night. And peace didn't do much for Pim Fortuyn either.

There will always be terrible, awful, inhumane, horrific things going on in the world. Most of them don't fall neatly under the bumper-sticker label of war. There is no such thing as peace; there's just calms between the storms.

1
That was excellent, Sarah. I don't understand how people can miss this idea - as if lack of the title "war" suddenly makes us all smiling happy people holding hands. Or as if proper labeling suddenly makes us all slavering bloodthirsty beasts.

Posted by: airforcewife at May 27, 2007 01:25 PM (0dU3f)

2
afw.."as if lack of the title "war" suddenly makes us all smiling happy people holding hands"...I actually think that there are a lot of people who *think* in words and phrases, and rarely if even consider the reality behind these verbal expressions.

3
Hello Sarah!
Wow, someone called my writing "genius"!
Just by sheer luck I decided to check out some of my backlinks and found your blog. What a compliment! Thanks a lot.
Great web site you have too!

May 26, 2007

Islamophobia could end when masses of Muslims demonstrate in the streets against videos displaying innocent people being beheaded with the same vigor we employ against airlines, Israel and cartoons of Muhammad.

May 25, 2007

DONE

Once I got on a roll crocheting borders on my colored squares, I really got into it. I sewed the squares together as I went, so I could avoid having to do all the sewing at the end. Et voilà. I am really happy with how this project turned out. Charlie agreed to model the blanket, since he did such a good job last time. He's so funny the way he averts his eyes any time we hold up the camera. He hates looking directly at it and will rotate his head any which way to avoid it.

May 24, 2007

1
It makes some good points, but ignores the fact that people come here because they have *no opportunities* in their own countries. People are leaving their families behind to come work in the U.S. because the alternative for them is destitution...just like the Irish (and many others) in the 19th century. I'm certainly not arguing for tolerance of illegal immigration, but I am suggesting that the desire for migration to the U.S. is created by the ongoing failures of the home societies rather than by evil conspiracies among Americans.
It would of course be far better if these individuals had appropriate job opportunities in Mexico, and it's disappointing that the balance of offshored manufacturing is so overwhelmingly toward China rather than Mexico--somewhat surprising, too, given the logistical advantages of being 2-4 days away from U.S. markets by road/rail rather than 30-45 days away by water. The factors are probably deeply embedded in the economies and cultures of the respective countries, and it's not clear how much we as outsiders can do about them.

May 23, 2007

THE KNIFE CYCLE

At the Milblogs Conference, Andi decided to kill me with her first question. I was expecting softballs, and instead I got a fastball at the head. She quoted an old blog post back to me, and I swear that for the first ten seconds of her speaking, I had no idea what she was talking about. I didn't recognize the writing as my own, and I completely panicked. As she read the very end of the post, I finally figured out what I had written, and then I had two seconds to react. I think I reacted poorly, so I'd like to revisit the question here.

Andi wanted to know what was going through my head when I wrote about this:

My husband's visible discomfort that he might not have another opportunity to put to use all he learned in Iraq, all he has digested and mulled over for two years, stands in stark contrast to the Iraqi quoted in this article:

What was I going to wait for that would keep me on the force? said Mohammed Humadi, a police captain who quit in August after one of his commanders was killed and beheaded. Nothing was going to get any better. I have children, and if I were to sacrifice myself, it wouldnt change anything.

I struggle daily with the two opposing camps of the War in Iraq: those who say that the US has no business trying to set up a utopia halfway across the world, and those whose idealism bubbles over into dreams of playing Iraq in the World Cup. But the one thing I do know is that it's a knife in my heart that my husband would give his life for Iraq while this Iraqi would not.

I've had this feeling several times over the years, most notably one year after Saddam's statue came down. I wrote about the knife in my heart much more eloquently that year:

One year ago today, I was so happy for the Iraqis. I sat on the sofa at Fort Knox and cheered wildly as they tore that statue down. I wept for the Iraqis and their newfound freedom; now I weep for their newfound vengeance.

If you remember, the statue of Saddam wasn't the only thing to come down from that pedestal last year. The American flag an overzealous soldier hung up there was quickly taken down, lest the world think we came as conquerors. We were there to give Iraq to the Iraqis, and they've repaid us by burning our dead and hanging them from a bridge.

I felt the knife again when I saw protestors in Pakistan carrying a sign saying "Our religion does not allow unconditional freedom of speech."

The past five years have been a cycle of conviction and doubt.

I read this comments section today at Standing By, and I don't know what to say. I don't want to argue for or against the war anymore; it's just my job to help my husband as he fights it. The fact that he still wants to fight it speaks volumes to me. He's the one who's worked with Iraqis. He's the one who's been to Najaf. He's the one who has to work on cultural cross-breeding. I will defer to his opinion on this matter in nearly every case.

But the knife in the heart comes in the cold sweat of realizing that his convictions could someday take his life. The perspective comes when I realize that it's better to lose his life to convictions than to cancer, car crashes, or crap.

I struggle. I think that's jarring for some people because they want me to remain this caricature of a warmonger. The times when I express doubt about the war are the times I get the most comments from anti-war types, chipping away at my armor or jeering me for setting down my flag when my arms get tired of waving. But I'm a normal human being who thinks about issues, not just some automaton who does whatever Karl Rove says. I actually think about this war, and some days I feel stronger than others.

I assume the Iraqis do too, which is why it's not always fair to cherry-pick things to doubt.

I figure I may never know the lasting effect of Operation Iraqi Freedom. I could be long gone before we really know the legacy of the War on Terror. But I can hope, hope my husband's work will bear fruit.

1
Well said.
Doubting only shows youre a thinking, rational person, absolutely nothing wrong with that. I wonder if the anti crowd ever stops to think if we are actually doing the right thing. Doubt it.

Posted by: tim at May 23, 2007 07:19 AM (nno0f)

2
As you frequently do, you expressed what I too feel about listening to people discuss the war. Some days I cannot sit idly by and listen to nonsense spewed by people who do not educate themselves about what is going on in Iraq (thus my comment at Standing By). Some days I cannot bring myself to listen to anything about the war from either side.
Thank you, Sarah, for letting me know that I am not alone in my struggle to understand this war and to understand what is or maybe right for us to do.

6
Sarah - this is why strangers like me read your blog. Because you're human. I would say super-human in that you and your husband both of a sense of 'self' that enables you to fight for something bigger than yourselves - and sacrifice for the freedom of others. Please remember, just as in the U.S., when the news media arrives on a scene, the first jackass that sees the camera becomes 'the man on the street' and they interview him. The terrorists propaganda that all Iraqis want us to leave, are fighting against us is b.s. - if that were TRUE, even remotely, there are 25 million Iraqis that would be hunting our soldiers down every day. They are not. In fact, millions of them chose to vote instead of fight against our brave men and women. It's easy to lose sight of the amazing things our soldiers are doing and the fact that Iraqis are desperate for peace because it's a constant drumbeat of negativity in the news. Remember, if one were to judge America from a nightly newscast on the rapes, murders, gang shootings and robberies in New York 24/7 - they would think New York was worse than Baghdad. Maybe it is, it just doesn't get as much media coverage. Heck, Philadelphia had 406 murders last year and has probably less than half the population of Baghdad! What's amazing to people like me is that people like YOU and YOUR HUSBAND chose service and sacrifice. That's amazing. Amazing. And the fact that some schmucks aren't grateful isn't fair, but unfortunately, not everyone is sensible enough to understand the road ahead and what you're fighting for on their behalf. Ignorance is bliss, and in some cases, really annoying and unfair. The point of the terrorists is to manipulate the world media to make 5 guys in a car bomb seem like "the norm" of the populace. They magnify one incident like that 10 times a day, and ignore all the car bombs that didn't go off. All the Iraqis that call in tips to capture terrorists. All the law-abiding Iraqis that send their children to school because they believe that education is important. The fact that people in Iraq are still shopping, eating out, going to school under the conditions set by the terrorists is AMAZING too. Don't lose sight of it because the media doesn't show it. They are there. The silent majority. I find that if I watch the news too often I feel a sense of dread and panic - and that's what news is designed for nowadays. Not for reporting context or facts, but for reporting things through a soda straw and expecting you to figure out the whole picture. I believe most Iraqis are thankful. I believe most Americans are thankful. It's just that our news media can't find a story unless it's against America, against our soldiers or against this particular president. Chin up. You two are doing something bigger than most people your age. And I for one, appreciate it. So thank you.

May 22, 2007

REASON #__ WHY MY HUSBAND RULES

My husband is so smart it's scary. I'm fairly certain he'd choose dinner with Benajmin Netanyahu over Superbowl tickets any day of the week. The thicker and more boring the book, the more excited he is to read it. He never ceases to frighten me with his knowledge.

My husband's brain is like a sponge, and he completely absorbs anything he thinks is important enough to notice. Several years ago, he realized that understanding this Islam Stuff was important, so he set to work learning what he could about Muslims and Arabs. Someone like me can hold her own with names like Sadr and Zawahiri and can handle basic conversations about the region, but my understanding of Islam and the War on Terror is positively pedestrian compared to my husband's. He set out to learn this stuff, and I'll be goldarned if he didn't learn it.

The Army hires college professors to teach the history and culture portions of Civil Affairs training. The other day in class, the professor admitted that my husband knows Islamic history better than he does, after my husband gently corrected him on a couple of historical points.

Because my husband thinks this knowledge is crucial, he doesn't slack off. He knows names and dates and Mohammed's lineage and tidbits I can't even begin to fathom. He knows more about Tajikistan than anyone from Missouri should ever need to know, and he's already speaking basic Farsi sentences despite the fact his language course doesn't start until September. The man is phenomenal.

Our fifth wedding anniversary is a couple weeks away, and I can't help but think about the time I heard Neal Boortz say that you don't even know what love is until you've been married for five years. I think he's right. The qualities that made me fall in love with my husband back in 1999 -- the fact that he wanted to talk about Sartre and Charlemagne at frat parties and that he was captain of the College Bowl team -- have only grown more pronounced over the past five years.

Love is knowing how truly lucky you are to have such a person in your life.

3
If I didn't know better, I would be highly suspicious that you were talking about MY husband. And having been married for 8 years now, I certainly love my husband more today than I did 3 years ago, and my love for him only continues to grow. It is wonderful.

But the perfect method I had concocted for how to put all the squares together ended up looking like absolute crap. I thought I could just crochet the squares together, forming a nice border between each one. I didn't count on it looking like garbage. So we're at a standstill, and I've moved on to another project to calm down a bit.

I think what I will end up doing is crocheting a border around each square and then sewing them together. Not something I am looking forward to doing, but oh well.

May 20, 2007

FAREWELL

Annika, who will quit blogging in exactly six and a half hours, isn't going out with Miss America waves and reruns. She managed to find these hilarious quotes from rockers who are wising up to the fact that their benefit concerts don't really help much of anything.

I almost didn't want to go see Spiderman 3 because of the crappy behavior of the lead actors. Nothing says "hype our movie" like the actors talking about how much they resented having to make a third one. God forbid you have to be in a movie that people actually want to go see. How tragic. Sheesh, I was almost too annoyed to go. The older I get, the less I can stomach celebrities.

But we were treated to a real class act when Billy Blanks showed up at SpouseBUZZ Live. He acted like the military spouse audience was the celebrity, which was downright touching. He was super-nice, and I hope he knows how much we appreciated his visit.

Last night we watched The Last King of Scotland, and I was so disgusted at the end of the movie that I lost sleep over it. Yes, I know the story portrayed is fiction, but Idi Amin was most certainly real.

What disgusts me the most is that there are rulers out there like Amin, yet people persist in calling President Bush evil. Have we no sense of evil? People in North Korea are eating children, but some American citizens can't stand to be associated with the American flag.

Google gets 1,850,000 hits for "George Bush evil" but only 178,000 for "Idi Amin evil." 65,700 for Arafat; 623,000 for Kim Jong-Il; and 264,000 for Mugabe.

1
I think you're missing the larger point here. The US did not go into Iraq to get rid of a cruel ruler. The war was because of WMD which have not yet materialized. The reason for war has now morphed into the whole "getting rid of a cruel ruler".
On the other hand, if we are talking about cruel rulers and exploitation of people, why has the US only targeted Iraq, when there are numerous other countries out there in the same - if not worse - conditions: Sudan, North Korea, Tibet, etc.

Posted by: aidan at May 22, 2007 04:18 AM (KFGe9)

2
On the contrary, I think you're missing the point. The word "evil" shouldn't be associated more frequently with "Bush" than with honest-to-god despots. No matter what one thinks of Operation Iraqi Freedom, the word "evil" really shouldn't enter into it.

Posted by: Sarah at May 22, 2007 05:27 AM (vrR+j)

3
Forget it, Sarah. He's just trying to feed the meme.
He probably didn't even read your article, just saw "Bush" and "evil" and then started pasting...

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There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state with another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, Morrel, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of living.--The Count of Monte Cristo--

While our troops go out to defend our country, it is incumbent upon us to make the country worth defending.--Deskmerc--

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Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, WWII, and the Star Wars Trilogy.--Bart Simpson--

If you want to be a peacemaker, you've gotta learn to kick ass.--Sheriff of East Houston, Superman II--

Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without an accordion. You just leave a lot of useless noisy baggage behind.--Jed Babbin--

Dante once said that the hottest places in hell are reserved for those who in a period of moral crisis maintain their neutrality.--President John F. Kennedy--

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Those who threaten us and kill innocents around the world do not need to be treated more sensitively. They need to be destroyed.--Dick Cheney--

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Live and act within the limit of your knowledge and keep expanding it to the limit of your life.
--John Galt--

First, go buy a six pack and swig it all down. Then, watch Ace Ventura. And after that, buy a Hard Rock Cafe shirt and come talk to me. You really need to lighten up, man.
--Sminklemeyer--

If we wish to be free, if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending, if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained -- we must fight!--Patrick Henry--

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are usually just cheerleading sessions, full of sound and fury and signifying nothing but a soothing reduction in blood pressure brought about by the narcotic high of being agreed with.--Bill Whittle

War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
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Unless the price is too high, the burden too great, the hardship too hard, the friend acts disproportionately, and the foe fights back. In which case, we need a timetable.
--James Lileks--

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--Froggy--

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Every time I meet an Iraqi Army Soldier or Policeman that I haven't met before, I shake his hand and thank him for his service. Many times I am thanked for being here and helping his country. I always tell them that free people help each other and that those that truly value freedom help those seeking it no matter the cost.--Jack Army--

Right, left - the terms are useless nowadays anyway. There are statists, and there are individualists. There are pessimists, and optimists. There are people who look backwards and trust in the West, and those who look forward and trust in The World. Those are the continuums that seem to matter the most right now.--Lileks--

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A man who has nothing which he cares about more than he does about his personal safety is a miserable creature who has no chance of being free, unless made and kept so by the existing of better men than himself.--John Stuart Mill--

After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said, "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said, "Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference."--Dave Grossman--

At heart I’m a cowboy; my attitude is if they’re not going to stand up and fight for what they believe in then they can go pound sand.--Bill Whittle--

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So Bush is history, and we have a new president who promises to heal the planet, and yet the jihadists don’t seem to have got the Obama message that there are no enemies, just friends we haven’t yet held talks without preconditions with.
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It is in the heat of emotion that good people must remember to stand on principle.--Larry Elder--

Please show this to the president and ask him to remember the wishes of the forgotten man, that is, the one who dared to vote against him. We expect to be tramped on but we do wish the stepping would be a little less hard.--from a letter to Eleanor Roosevelt--

The world economy depends every day on some engineer, farmer, architect, radiator shop owner, truck driver or plumber getting up at 5AM, going to work, toiling hard, and producing real wealth so that an array of bureaucrats, regulators, and redistributors can manage the proper allotment of much of the natural largess produced.--VDH--

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