Gift etiquette in the season of graduation open houses, weddings

June is here and with it comes graduation open houses and weddings. Kris Rundblad, owner of Charlevoix's MerryMakers offered some tips and rules for gift giving etiquette to help guide event-goers through the season:

Weddings:

-- If possible, ship the gift directly to the bride and/or groom's home, rather than take it to the reception. This may be easier on both the guest and the couple, particularly if it is a destination wedding as many Northern Michigan weddings are.

Rundblad said 50 or 60 years ago it was customary for guests to ship wedding gifts to the bride's parents' home, where they would be put on display. Eventually that changed and more people began taking gifts to the reception, but this is changing once again.

-- Gift givers should keep in mind, when shipping the gift directly to the recipient, some companies will offer a gift wrapping service free or for a fee.

-- Though it is not appropriate for brides and grooms to ask for monetary gifts, it is appropriate for gift givers to give cash or checks to the couple, so they can purchase what they want with it.

-- It is not necessary to buy a gift the couple is registered for, though if it is not on their registry that could mean they already have it. Rundblad said she sometimes gives a piece of art or something else purchased locally. But if the gift giver does not know the recipient well, it can be difficult to give this type of item, as everyone's taste is different, she said.

-- Generally, a wedding gift should be the approximate value of the guest's meal at the reception. A couple attending a wedding may give a gift ranging in value from about $75 to $100, but no one should give more than they can afford.

Graduation open houses:

-- Cash and checks are commonly given as gifts to recent graduates, who may be saving money for college or moving out of their family's home for the first time. Other gift ideas for graduates include towels, dishes or a coffee maker -- items one might need for living in a dorm or a first apartment.

-- Monetary gifts range in amount. Rundblad said one idea is to give a 2011 graduate a check for $20.11.

-- It is not necessary for graduates to give gifts to their friends who graduated with them, though some may choose to give their best friend, or few closest friends, a gift.

-- Parents of graduates should give gifts to their child's friends when attending open houses.

-- Teachers should not feel obligated to give gifts when invited to open houses, but may do so if they want to.

Rundblad emphasized that regardless of the occasion, no one should give more than they can afford to, and all gifts should be accepted graciously.

"A gift is from your heart, not from your pocketbook," she said.

The art of hand-written thank you notes:

-- Graduates and newlyweds should send hand-written thank you notes within a month of the event if possible. The sooner, the better.

-- If for some reason a gift is unmarked or it is unclear which guest it came from, use the process of elimination to try to determine who it might have been from and send that person a generic thank you note thanking them for their presence and their gift, without mentioning the item specifically.

-- Rundblad said when it comes to thank you notes, text messages and email are no substitute for a hand written message. "Someone took the time to select a gift for you, you should take the time to thank them," she said.

Gift shopping locally:

There are a variety of options for shoppers looking for gifts in the Petoskey area.

For those looking for a gift that is unique to the area, Grandpa Shorter's Gifts in Petoskey offers a variety of Petoskey stone products, such as cheese knives and wine bottle stoppers, as well as Brownwood Farms food products, a company based out of Traverse City, said Grandpa Shorter's Internet store manager Katelynn Murray.

Murray said customers come into the store all the time to buy unique wedding gifts. And J.W. Shorter and Son Mercantile of Petoskey, owned by the same person, Jennifer Shorter, offers more traditional household items, such as place mats and bedding, she said.

Both stores offer free gift wrapping.

"We try to make it pretty easy on the person giving the gift," Murray said.