Monthly Archives: July 2015

This afternoon I saw something quite surprising on my Facebook news feed. One of my high school friends posted a note, with a photo collage of her and her new look. She apparently has shaven her head clean.

No she was not ill.

She was just doing something for herself, and for a moment I felt like there were millions of confused butterflies swarming the inside of my stomach.

Bitch.

I thought, I always wanted to do that. I thought that was one of the things I would like to do before I die. Seeing her without hair makes me feel like a loser for not being able to do what she could, despite of having planned the act for years. I thought she was so brave and I was incredibly jealous.

But then, admitting defeat, I suppose it was only appropriate if I give her my respect. I mean, I might not be the bravest person in the world, but I still knew how to put my respect to one who deserve it. After all she looks wonderful with her new Bald and Bold look.

To my surprise, she told me that apparently it was me who inspired her to do what she did. It was my bucket list that gave her the courage to do hers. And I was not ready for that…

I was speechless. I couldn’t believe it.

It was probably one of the most wonderful thing I have ever heard from a friend for a very long time. It was probably one of the sweetest thing that I have ever received from someone. It obviously has lifted my mood that has been so low for the last few months.

If only she knew how much it means to me to know that I am not that useless. If only she knew how powerful her compliment to me was.

So I thanked her. Not only for her kindness, but also that she has become my inspiration in return. However, thanking her on facebook is not enough, I believe. I want to thank her again here — a place that is personal for me.

I am so sorry that I haven’t written much lately. There was not enough time or things to say, but today, I feel compelled to write this.

The reason why I changed my facebook profile photo with rainbow.

***

After the USA legalised gaymarriage, Facebook celebrates and supports this event by featuring an app that can change your profile photo to a rainbow. Yeah, that one. You know what I am talking about.

Initially, I did not want to change my photo. I do not like to be carried out in a wave or mainstream trends, and I think the rainbow looks a bit tacky. After all, I believed that I have purged and filtered through my friendlist and was quite sure that I only have gay friendly people in my list. So, I thought I did not have to make an open statement any more.

I thought I have passed that.

No I haven’t.

Three days after the celebrations, the bigots started to fire back. Some of my friends started to post anti-gay articles. From the subtle “do you really know what facebook ‘rainbow’ means?” to the more open “you exist because your parents were straight”. Then, the wave of people posting status with hashtag straightpride (I don’t want to hashtag it properly because I don’t want to help make it bloody popular) started flooding my feed.

I was gob smacked.

Ten years ago when the first time I dropped the bombshell to my friends, I could understand that it was a bit too soon for them to accept the concept of equality. It was 2005 Indonesia, you could not expect much. But this is 2015. You idolised Neil Patrick Harris, you adored Sir Ian McKellen, you cheered Ellen and thought that she and Portia makes a cute couple. BUT YOU OPPOSE GAY MARRIAGE?

.:Taken from BBC America:. Squeal, X-Neto shippers! Squeal!!

Then I thought about my own marriage. My own wedding, and people’s reaction when I told them that I was getting married to someone who was happened to be Mr. Fix-it — the wonderful male person. The reaction varied from “you’re settling down??!!” or “woohoo… so happy for you”, to “found a man that cured your lesbianity, haven’t you?”

When I remembered that, I realised that my so called open minded friends, were not really the most well informed ones. I appreciated they efforts to try. Even so, when they spouted out remarks such as “it’s just a phase”, “you haven’t tried enough”, “find the right man to straighten up the lesbian in you”, or even “we’re glad you found the right path”, it still stings a bit.

It is offensive, it is uneducated, it is ignorant, and rude. It is not only an insult to me and my sexuality, but also to my husband as a human being. It degraded Mr. Fix-It, from a wonderful intelligent funny and kind human being that I love, respect and want to be with into… an XY chromosome. It insulted our marriage.

…

So I looked up at the facebook rainbow thingy again, and made up my mind. I changed my profile photo, not because it was a trend, but to make a personal statement. Loud and clear.