Red Sox plenty Lucky to have him

Credit: Mark Garfinkel

TALKING POINTS: Red Sox CEO Larry Lucchino — shown unveiling the team’s anniversary coffee table book in December — griped about media cynicism during the team’s losing series in Baltimore.

Larry Lucchino fits right in with the team he’s constructed. The way he sees things, nothing is really his fault. His players see it the same way.

He runs the Red Sox, but only when things are running right. When they aren’t, the media’s running the Red Sox. His players see it the same way.

Nothing is his bosses’ fault because, well, they’re his bosses and rumor has it he never signed his contract extension. He must be careful when dividing up the blame pie for this mess of a season. The way he sees it, it’s one slice for the media and .â€‰.â€‰. well that about covers it. His players see it the same way.

Nothing is the manager’s fault because Larry hired the guy, even though he keeps saying it was a group decision when everyone knows it was a group of one. The players see it the .â€‰.â€‰. well, you can’t agree on everything.

Nothing is the players’ fault because, you know, they’ve had a lot of injuries. That’s the media’s fault too, because the media was supposed to bring the “Insanity” workout videos to spring training and forgot. They didn’t even remember to get one in Japanese for Dice-K.

It’s the media constantly being negative that makes it so difficult to perform. What’s wrong with giving up five home runs in a game? Look on the bright side. More work for baseball makers. Oops, sorry, guys like John Henry outsourced those jobs.

It’s the media that called itself up and told itself about private meetings it hadn’t attended.

It’s the media that texted photos to itself that it didn’t take of players making fun of a napping Bobby Valentine in a room they weren’t in. Who knew they were that clever?

It’s the media that made the Red Sox sign an aging and never terribly productive John Lackey to a contract that only one word could appropriately describe: Stupid, which is of course what the media is and what Larry hopes the fans remain. His players see it the same way.

It’s the media that never expected closer Andrew Bailey would be hurt again even though that’s all he’s been the past two years. Shouldn’t they have warned the Sox?

It’s the media that decided to extend Josh Beckett, a pitcher on the down side of a slightly above average career, and then made the Red Sox do it. “Or else, Larry!” several organization sources familiar with the situation said they overheard media members shout at him menacingly.

It’s the media that fired the strength and conditioning coach as if it was his fault too many players have neither strength nor conditioning. The players agreed with the media on that one.

It’s the media that bought the beer and chicken.

It’s the media that created so much anxiety the starting pitchers can’t pitch out of the first inning without loud banging noises against the outfield fences. The players see it the same way.

It’s the media that caused Adrian Gonzalez’ power outage. Gonzalez disagrees. He thinks it was God’s idea.

It’s the media that kept leaking information it couldn’t possibly know to itself so it could then write it and make everyone feel unhappy. That, of course, affected the boys’ work product and the next thing you knew, nobody would come to Boston to play no matter what you paid them. The players aren’t so sure they see it that way, especially the ones entering free agency.

It’s the media that decided to charge $75 for a brick, 71â„2 times what a bottle of water costs anywhere else on the planet and to quadruple the cost of pink hats. They’re also the ones standing at every entrance to Fenway Park shaking down the paying customers to make sure they aren’t trying to smuggle in a bologna sandwich on the sly. The players have no opinion on that, but Larry liked the idea.

It’s the media that keeps saying the place is sold out when it isn’t, thus causing heightened performance anxiety all around.

The loyal Fenway faithful see things for what they truly are though. In fact, one Benedict Arnold working for the Rockies but secretly rooting for the Sox — according to Lucchino — told Larry so. If what Larry said is true about this turncoat in Colorado, she’ll be working at Fenway next season. She’d fit right in. The players see it the same way.

A couple days ago in Baltimore, Lucchino sorted out ownership’s real problem going forward. It’s not failed pitching or poor conditioning or a team that’s lost two-thirds of its games when the opposition scores first. Larry knows the real worry on the collective mind of management this offseason.

“We have to be sure we remember the cynical, jaded media does not speak for .â€‰.â€‰. they don’t necessarily capture the voice of the fanbase,” he told the media.

If the real problem is jaded cynicism, Larry Lucchino would know a thing or two about that. Season ticket-holders have that ‘Letter To Our Fans’ he sent out at the All-Star break to prove it.