Monday, January 31, 2005

Well it was the "weak-end" so I suppose it was bound to happen sooner or later. Honestly, I felt so gross last night, I was pretty disgusted with myself. Friday, I was off and kept really busy. I stayed on plan, worked out, felt pretty good. Saturday and Sunday were another matter entirely. Overall, I made more good choices than bad but the bad ones included: too many tootsie rolls, garlic bread with cheese with Saturday night's dinner, leftover pizza for breakfast and popcorn and a diet coke at the movies for lunch yesterday. I plain old ate too much fat and didn't get enough fresh food into me over the weekend. On the good side, I managed to go for a walk on Sunday as well as take my vitamins and drink my water at the same time so it wasn't a total write-off. I felt quite bloated last night. Imagine how I would have felt had I not kept the water thing up.

Partly I think I felt sorry for myself for just maintaining this week. Given how sick I felt, that I was going through TOM, that we had pizza for dinner one night, how did I honestly think that I would show a loss?? Today I'm feeling stronger. I worked out this morning and ate my healthy breakfast and am nibbling at my lunch right now. The important thing for me is to learn from the mistakes I made over the weekend. I have to keep reminding myself that being sick and tired is not an excuse to over-indulge in things I know aren't good for me.

Friday, January 28, 2005

I am so glad that I took today off from work. We slept in a little bit this morning (until 5:30) and I took my hunny to work. When I got home, I almost had myself convinced that I was too tired to workout. Thankfully, I didn't listen to myself and I hopped on the bike anyway. I didn't break 7 miles today but I was close, 6.95.

Sticking fairly close to my regular routine this morning was a great idea (note: don't forget to pat self on back later). I left the house by 9 a.m. and was home before noon, biggest chunk of my errands completed. Lucky me, I even found a pair of boots. At this time of year, the spring shoes are popping up in the shoppes and I didn't think I'd have any luck at all. It's been my experience that men's boots are better made than women's so I picked up a pair of Spalding "Tundra" boots. They're more like a heavy sneaker with a great, grippy, sole on them. Sadly, they are no where near as good as the boots I've just worn out but they should get me through the rest of the winter. They definitely don't look as warm but I have room for extra thick wool socks in them. Hopefully, by next winter, my calves will have slimmed down a bit more and I can buy some "girlie" dress boots.

This afternoon, my plan is to get a start on my huge mountain of laundry. I'm not sure where it all comes from. I'm pretty sure that it breeds in the hamper. Whatever I get up to though, I am so happy to be off from work right now. I'm feeling better today than I have all week.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

I'm feeling a little bit better today. The headache I had yesterday would not go away. It wasn't until 8 p.m. or so last night that it went away. I can't even tell you how much ibuprofen I took yesterday. Because I've felt basically like hammered crap all week, I've decided to take a vacation day tomorrow. I'd like to go out early in the day and do all of my errands. If I can do this, I'll be able to totally crash out for the rest of the weekend.

Yesterday, I noticed that my winter boots (my beloved, almost 10 years old, waterproof, gortex, duck-hunter's boots) are starting to give up the biscuit. Tomorrow when I'm out running around, I'll have to try to find new ones. The only reason these ones have lasted as long as they have is because for about 4 winters I barely wore them.

This morning when I woke up, my head was clear and I decided to take advantage of that and work out. I got onto my bike after doing some stretching and stuff and I could feel my head filling up. I felt like I was moving very slowly but the longer I rode, the better I felt. I coughed a fair bit but I stuck with it. At the end of my interval program, I was surprised to see that I had broken the 7 mile mark again. I was sure that there was no way I could have done it but there it was, 7.08, clear as day. Nice!

My plan tomorrow is to get up at my normal time, do my workout and have breakfast, like I would if I were going into the office. When it's time to go to work though, I'll head out with my list and be home, hopefully by 1 p.m. I don't want to get too far off of my routine, I just want to have some extra time on Saturday to chill out and get rid of this weird cold thing that seems to be hanging about.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

This morning, I came very very close to not coming in to work. The only reason I dragged my sorry butt in was because I had a couple of meetings. My head was stuffed up and my sinuses were aching. TOM is kicking my ass too and I just felt like crap. While I sat on the edge of the bed at 4:30 a.m., contemplating whether I'd get up or not, I hear my hunny call from the other room, "there's a snow storm going on out there." Fuck. Charming. Now I have to get up. I can hear the driveway screaming my name.

I pull on my sweats and bundle up to head outside. We probably got 4 inches but it was super windy and there are huge drifts everywhere. It took me almost an hour to get the whole thing done. By the time I was finished, I was frozen but feeling a bit better. The arctic air must have partially cleared out my head or something.

The exercise was badly needed and I'm glad that I did it. Last night, I was feeling shitty, my hunny was exhausted and neither of us wanted to cook so we actually ordered a pizza. We probably shouldn't have but we did and I will admit that I very much enjoyed it. Last night I discovered that it does not take as much pizza to fill me up as it used to. This is a good thing. Because I could eat so little of it, I was able to stay on plan as far as calories go. The fat content was higher than I would have liked but the overall number wasn't bad at all.

So, right now, I'm at work and my head is gently thumping, my ears are popping, my muscles ache and I've started to cough here and there. I'd give anything to be able to go home and crawl under the comforter for a few hours. Fortunately, I'm pretty busy right now so 4:30 will get here quickly, I'm hoping anyway. The one bright light in all of this is that we're not supposed to be getting any snow for the next few days.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

When the alarm went off this morning, I could have thrown it out the window. There was no way that it was 4:21 already!!? When I did get up and make my way to the bathroom, I couldn't believe how puffy I looked. My eyes looked like I'd been punched, without the bruising. It was not pretty!! In addition to the puffy eyes, I had cramps from hell. I would have loved to have crawled back under the covers but I didn't. The good girl in me won that battle and made me get dressed and go exercise. This week I really want to ride 35 miles on my recumbent bike.

Admittedly, I felt much better when I finished my ride. Once again, I pushed myself to break that 7 mile mark. It was just 7.03 but still, that's almost 2 miles further than I was doing just 2 weeks ago so I'm pretty pleased about that.

Today I'm really hungry. Last night I had no appetite whatsoever. I think I was just overtired and I felt lousy. I forced myself to have some chicken noodle soup just to get something into me. Right now though, my appetite has returned and I'm feeling a bit better. I'm being very careful about eating today though. I know it would be really easy to use last night as an excuse to overeat today and I'm not going to let that happen!!

Monday, January 24, 2005

I cannot get warm today. My little space heater here at my desk has been pumping all morning and I cannot get my hands to stay warm, no matter what I do. The funny thing is that it's no where near as cold here today as it had been over the weekend.

The weekend went pretty well. I had planned to do nothing at all and ended up getting quite a bit of stuff done around the house, not everything that needed doing but a good-sized chunk. We had a bit of snow over the weekend so I spent a couple of hours shovelling, yesterday and again this morning. I think I'm definitely getting better at it. Practice makes perfect, right?

The plan is still working. The exercise in the morning thing is still happening and I'm keeping my calories under control. Some days are more difficult than others but right now, I feel pretty good about things. Last week, on two different days, someone brought in homemade squares and left them on this little table right outside my office. I didn't really want them but I looked up their calorie/fat content anyway. It was pretty shocking and I was quite pleased with myself for walking by them.

Today, I have noticed that the pants I am wearing are a little loose in the waist. Over the weekend, while I was doing laundry, I realized that more and more of my clothes are ending up in the dryer. In the past, I would hang almost everything up because I was petrified that my clothes would shrink if I put them in the dryer. Lately, I'm not so concerned. I threw two brand new pairs of flannel pajama bottoms into the dryer without a second thought (and they still fit me when they were dry). I guess that getting over my dryer phobia is a good little NSV!

Friday, January 21, 2005

I cannot get warm today. I have my warmest sweater and thickest wool socks on, my heavy cords, the whole deal, my hands have been like ice all day and the only time they warm up is when I run my hands under hot water.

Last night when I went to bed, my body ached. I felt so tired and sore and I knew that I had probably over done things with the shoveling. The cold doesn't normally get to me but it is this week. When I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. My back was sore and my joints were achy. I did a regular ride on my bike with no additional exercise. I couldn't face it. I'm pretty pleased that I got through it, I was negotiating with myself that if I missed today, I could do it tomorrow. In my heart, I knew that wouldn't likely happen so I just did it. After my ride, I did feel much better, the stiffness is gone and my back feels good. Now, if I could just thaw my hands out, I'd be doing something.

It's hard to believe that I'm facing down the barrel of another weekend already. We got half of our groceries last night. We'll do the other half tonight and I can hibernate all weekend knowing that the house is full of fresh, healthy food. I managed to find some mini tootsie rolls last night so I'm set for the next chocolate craving. I'm really excited about the prospect of a third, on plan weekend. I know I can do it!!

Thursday, January 20, 2005

It pretty much snowed all day yesterday. Amongst the snow, we had really wicked winds. They call it an Alberta Clipper, it was nasty. Bev, if that is the kind of stuff you guys have to deal with frequently, my hat is off to you for being able to deal with it!

When we got home, my hunny went in to cook dinner and I stayed out to shovel. It's a fair trade, he cooks the majority of our meals and ordinarily I don't mind what I call a "hoser workout." The snow was of the light and fluffy variety and it wasn't too horribly bad to move around. The bottom of the driveway was the worst, it always is. Fast forward 12 hours. It's 4:30 a.m. and we get up, I look outside and the driveway is completely filled in again. So, twice in 12 hours, I shovel the drive. It's not been snowing here today. It's sunny and really cold. The temperature is expected to drop again over the weekend so I'm really glad that I got it done when I did.

I figured that taking a break from my normal exercise routine was allowed this morning after I did all that work. My arms feel good, like I worked them but they aren't sore. The whole thing was very invigorating. I stepped on the scale quickly this morning, just for a peek. I wasn't thrilled by what I saw. It looks like I gained, I know that my eating has been on plan and I've certainly been getting enough exercise. I think it's just TOM bloat. My rings aren't feeling quite as lose as they were the other day. Once TOM starts, I'm sure I'll be back down to where I was. I'm planning to still weigh-in this weekend but I'm not sure it'll make it into my "official" tally. This year, I may skip TOM/PMS weekends. I haven't decided yet, it'll depend on what the scales say on Saturday I suppose.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Why did I leave my camera at home today? For a few months last year, I had gotten into the habit of taking it with me everywhere I would love to have it with me right now to record what is happening outside of my office window. My window faces a "moat" underneath a large veranda (the building I work in is an almost 200 year old mansion). Fine snow is blowing and swirling around the moat, drifting through the slats in the veranda floor. It's quite something to see. At the moment, we're getting one humdinger of a snow storm. Getting home tonight should be interesting.

Last night, we had some errands to run. The wind chill was minus 24 but, good Canucks that we are, that didn't stop us. On the way home, I experienced a massive chocolate craving. I knew it was time to buy some trusty tootsie rolls. Do you think I could find any?? My hunny suggested Costco. I didn't really want to get them there because I didn't want to have a 1 kilo drum of them leftover when PMS passed but I tried anyway. Nothing. I couldn't believe it. We tried one more store on the way home and when they didn't have them I knew it was time to go home. It was too damned cold to be driving all over town for a stupid tootsie roll. I'm thinking that I wasn't meant to have any. When I got home, I had some Crispy Mini's and watched the end of a movie I'd started watching during my workout in the morning. I took them upstairs so I couldn't wander through the kitchen all evening. They were okay but they didn't do anything for my chocolate craving. At least that was all that I ate, it could have been really bad!

This morning, I broke 7 miles on my bike! I was shocked to see that I had peddled 7.12 miles during my 30 minute interval program. What a great feeling!! If I can keep this up, I shouldn't have any trouble meeting the "mileage" goals I have set for myself. yay!!

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Physically, I'm feeling very good right now. The past two mornings, I have added two miles to my recumbent bike ride. I managed to pedal through that ass-numbness that hits around the 4 mile mark and come close to 7 miles, not quite but close.My legs, particularly my thighs and my butt are kind of sore right now so I think I must be doing something right.

My eating has been good. Last night, for the first time in ages, the LOG expressed an interest in dinner. Of course, he wanted pizza. I could have screamed. We solved the problem though by picking up a mostly veggie, thin crust, bake at home in your own oven, pizza. It actually had more veggies and sauce than it did cheese and meat so it wasn't so bad. Even having pizza for dinner, at the end of the day I still came in okay as far as calories went.

Right now, the thing that is keeping me honest and on track is just that little voice inside of my head. I have been giving myself non-stop pep talks for the past two weeks. Whenever I see something really decadent on TV and think "oh yeah mamma, gotta get me some of that!!" the good voice pretty much bitch slaps the bad, grease and chocolate wanting, voice. It's pretty amazing, even to me, how well this is working, so far.

This week, I'm heading into PMS. Honestly, I have a really really hard time getting through PMS without some kind of chocolate. In the past, I have tried fat free chocolate pudding cups, low calorie instant hot chocolate or one piece of goooood chocolate. None of these things really do it for me. I think that this month, I'll probably pick up a tootsie roll. I know that it's still fat and sugar but it's lower in calories than a chocolate bar and the chewing makes it last longer. The chocolate flavour is closer to what you find in a candy bar. Hopefully this will work. Like everything else I'm doing right now, I have to plan out PMS food or I'll go overboard and get myself into all kinds of trouble.

Monday, January 17, 2005

The weekend was a nice break. It ended up that I didn't workout but I did stick to my eating program. I got a few things done around the house that I had been wanting to deal with. Our computer room / office is actually getting organized again. It's been kind of a mess since about the month before Christmas.

In addition to posting my workouts over on the Weigh-Better board, I signed up with the folks over at Going Nowhere. I figured that I ride my recumbent bike every day so it would be fun to track exactly how "far" I'm going. I have set a goal of 500 miles by my birthday in May and a goal of 1100 miles by the end of 2005. It'll be cool to see how far I get. This morning, inspired by my own goal, I rode an additional 2 miles. I think I'm off to a good start and it truly feels fabulous. All morning I felt really good. The extra miles did me a world of good.

Once again it's Monday and once again I thought I'd do a wrap-up of last week's efforts:summary - week 2

threw out the little stash of leftover Christmas candy that my hunny had tucked away, in the back of a cabinet in our bedroom

just said no to pizza and ice cream. It's now been over two weeks since I've had either

met daily calorie intake goal every day

met daily water intake goal 6 out of 7 days

intentionally exercised 5 out of 7 days

stayed on plan, even over the weekend (that's 2 in a row)

showed an another 6 pound loss this week, that's a total loss of 12 pounds in 2 weeks - I don't expect that this will continue but boy, it feels good!

Friday, January 14, 2005

When I got home last night, I heard a sound that I hadn't heard in a while: Family Feud blaring from the living room television. That's right, LOG was downstairs. I didn't say a word to him about the previous evening and he didn't either (although, I would have loved to have received an apology from him -- I have a better shot at winning the Super 7 tonight). He stayed down for dinner, ate with us and then went back upstairs. That's all I wanted really, to have him join us for dinner. Goodness knows that if you eat sitting up, you'll digest your food better. It was good to see him up and moving around as well. His circulatory system was probably in shock but it's good for him. I'm still a little pissed that he upset us as much as he did and is seemingly oblivious to the stress he caused us but at least he seems to be on the mend. I should be content with that.

We're sort of expecting that we might have some company this weekend. Not sure entirely though. A friend of my hunny's is coming into town to watch his son play hockey on Saturday and Sunday. He won't be staying with us but we're not sure if he'll be with us for dinner tomorrow night or not. Of course, the house is in shambles. With a house full of sick/injured people, I haven't had a chance to clean like I would ordinarily do. The prospect of actually having company amid the chaos isn't that appealing to me. Hopefully, I have some time tomorrow to get some housework done before he arrives. Originally I though that he might be here tonight but I checked the hockey schedule and his son's team isn't playing until tomorrow afternoon. If nothing else, I'd really like to get our bedroom closet sorted out. It's taking on a life of it's own and it's really bugging me.

So far, this week has been really quite good as far as food goes. I'm not too worried about the weekend. Last weekend I did okay and I expect that I should be able to get through this weekend too. Doing the big crap pitch last week helped a lot. You can't eat what isn't there, right? I snuck a peek at the scale this morning and was pretty happy about what I saw. I won't say what it was yet because my official weigh-in day is Saturday. It's looking good though. I can tell though, I feel good. So far I've felt far better in January than I did throughout December.

A couple of weeks ago, on New Years Eve actually, I stopped off at my favourite fat girls store to see what was on sale for the Boxing Week Clear-out. I had a $25 gift certificate burning a hole in my pocket and I thought I should use it up. I found a bunch of things in my current size that were on sale. I tried them all on and they looked okay but I couldn't bring myself to buy any of them, no matter how good the sale was. I promised myself that I wouldn't use that gift certificate until I was at least one (hopefully two) sizes smaller. It's going to take me a while before I'm not shopping at the fat girl stores anymore but right now, I can't buy any more clothes in this size. It just feels like I'd be accepting this size and I'm not, I'm working very hard to change it. I dropped two sizes in 2003 and can do at least that again this year. I have to. I'm not letting myself buy any more clothes until it happens!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

The weather is much warmer here today than it has been in a good long while but for some reason, I can't keep my hands warm. I can feel my rings getting loose again so maybe I'm loosing this week and my hands are just cold because they have less padding on them then last week. Possibly, it's because I missed my cardio this morning. I slept in a bit and was feeling a little sore and fragile this morning so I did some stretching with some arm and abs work but I missed the bike. I'm planning on going for a walk after I post this so maybe that will warm me up.

The ring thing came to me this morning. I was in a meeting and noticed that they were slipping around on my fingers. My face doesn't seem to be as bloated as it was a couple of weeks ago either. When I look into the mirror, I think I look better. Generally, I feel better so I must be on the right track.

Things are a little tense at home right now. LOG has been in bed for over two weeks now. The first week, he was legitimately sick. The last week, I think he's just being lazy or is depressed or something. It's frustrating because we can't even get him to come down for meals and I got really upset with him last night. He told me that he felt good but wasn't hungry and was afraid that if he came downstairs, he'd not feel good anymore. I can appreciate that his back has been bothering him but spending the rest of his life in bed is not the solution to his problem. Personally, I feel that if he gets up and moves around, eats regular meals and interacts with us, he'll feel better, physically and emotionally. I'm concerned right now that he's eating very little of what we bring him, he's staying in bed and I fear that he'll atrophy. He's almost 80 but, save for the back trouble, is very healthy otherwise. Every night, I feel like I'm arguing with a 3 year old who won't eat their dinner and I don't know what to do about it anymore. We're at a point where I'm ready to call the local health unit for some advice. If he stays like this he's not going to be able to live with us much longer and I know that he doesn't want to go into some kind of assisted living situation. On the upside, if I actually do pull all of my hair out, I may end up losing a couple of pounds this week.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The hunger is gone. The bad hunger, that gnawing, aching hunger that drove me crazy all day yesterday has been replaced with the normal "hey, it's almost lunchtime" kind of hungry feeling that you get throughout the day. Yesterday was a huge struggle. Today, I brought a couple of extra clementines with me and a little zippy bag of crispy mini's. If I do get hungry, I won't be tempted to schlep over to the cafe next door for a muffin or other such not on program snack.

Even though I was so hungry I literally could have eaten my socks yesterday, I was pretty proud of a non-scale victory that happened last night. After dinner, we had a couple of errands to do. We ended up at the grocery store to pick up some bananas and oranges (we're going through oranges that fast because they are so good right now). While we were wandering around the store, my hunny asked, "what flavour ice cream do you want?" I said, "you get what you want, I'm trying to be 'good' tonight." He's still struggling with the snacking issue. I'm trying to be a good example but it's tough. The night before, he found a small bag of Christmas candy that I had missed in my clean out and had a big handful before bed. In the morning, he confessed that it didn't agree with his stomach and asked me to throw it out (which I will tomorrow night). Anyway, he ended up getting some not-so-bad cookies and no ice cream. I did notice though, while we looked through the ice cream cabinet, that skinny cow now has low-fat fudge bars out now. Maybe they aren't new but it was the first time I had seen them. I didn't pick any up though. Stuff like that, I just can't seem to keep in the house. I don't know what it is about ice cream but if it's in the house, I'll eat it and I don't need to.

So it's mid-week and so far, I've kept to my workout schedule. I still haven't introduced the pilates DVD's into it yet, for a couple of reasons. Firstly, my back has been dicey in the mornings and I haven't really wanted to introduce something new that might cause me to twist in a weird way and put me onto the heating pad. The other reason is that my hunny has been home in the mornings the past week and a bit. The last day he worked was January 1. He drives a cab and the car he normally drives was involved in an accident on January 2. This coincided with him injuring his knee (totally unrelated, he wasn't driving when the accident happened) so to take a few days off wasn't the worst thing in the world. What ended up happening though, is that the fellow he's been working for hasn't put the car back on the road yet so hunny is looking for another ride. Ordinarily, it doesn't take more than a couple of days to get back to work and I know he'll be employed again by the end of the week but, having him home has crimped my routine slightly. Once he's back to work, I'll have the house to myself again in the mornings and I'll test out the DVD's.

Right now, I can't tell if I have lost any weight since the weekend. I'm not even sure that I'll sustain that initial big first week water weight loss this week. Honestly, at this moment, I'm so enjoying the feeling of being strong and healthy that I'm not all that bothered if I don't see a loss this week (not that I'm saying I won't, I'm just saying, you know?). Ideally, I'd love to lose 4 to 6 pounds each month, all year. Also, it would be really great if I didn't gain at all this year. Last year I was up and down like a yo-yo and I'm really not wanting that to happen again. 4 to 6 a month is like, 1-1.5 pounds a week. I think that's reasonable and gives me wiggle room for things like TOM and holidays. The more work I can do on myself to focus less on numbers and more on overall health, the better.

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Can a sudden drop in the temperature make you hungry? Recently, it's been unseasonably warm here. Last night, the mercury started to drop and my stomach began growling. Actually, screaming was more like it.

We had stopped off for soup at our favourite little Vietnamese place on the way home from work. It was a little earlier than we normally eat but I was really full by the end of the meal. Also, I was pretty pleased with us because we didn't order any spring rolls or salad rolls (with that yummy peanut sauce). Sadly, by 8 p.m., I would have eaten my own hands. It was insane. I'd had some clementine oranges, some baby carrots, lots of water, nothing helped. Eventually, I broke down and had a few crispy mini's and that did help. It was the strangest thing.

So this morning, I get to work. I had worked out, ate breakfast, was basically having a regular day. Around 9:30 a.m., I'm so cold I care barely type and I'm ravenously hungry. All I can think of is going next door and buying a big ole muffin. Something sticky and sweet and huge. Fortunately, I had my banana and yet another cup of herbal tea. This helped for a bit. Turning up the heat also helped. It's still chilly in here but not so bad. Right now, I just finished my lunch and it didn't quite do it for me. I will drink my water and eat my oranges this afternoon and try to not think about muffins or cookies or anything containing chocolate or salt. I'm not sure what's happening with me right now but it's got to stop, got to. I can't have another day like this, it's just way too hard!

Monday, January 10, 2005

So far, week 2 is going well. This morning when I woke up, I felt as if I was paying for sleeping in on Sunday. My back was quite stiff and sore and twinge-y in the way that it gets, just before it goes out. Slowly, I got myself moving, I worked out and was still sore throughout (sometimes when this happens, the workout loosens everything up and I'm okay). After making my lunch and having breakfast, I still felt tender. Same thing after my shower. Right now though, I feel pretty good. I haven't had to take any pain killers but I have been careful not to lift anything heavy. So far, so good.

As it's Monday gain, I thought I'd do a wrap-up of last week's efforts:summary - week 1

showed an 6 pound (yes, I know it's a first week/water weight/body is in shock) initial loss this week

This week, I'm working the plan again. The water thing is getting easier. I have a nalgene water bottle that, for some reason, makes me drink more. I'll drink 2 or 3, 1 liter bottles of water from that where, before, just drinking from a regular bottle, I wouldn't. I have no idea why that it is but it is. Weird huh?

So, other than wrapping up from last week, there isn't much to report. This is good I think. Often when there is news to report, it's not good. No news is good news I guess.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

The weekend is going much better than I had expected it to be. As I wrote on Friday, weekends are always difficult for me. Snacks seem to be everywhere, the routine is gone, it's so easy to fall off of the wagon.

Yesterday ended up being a very very busy day. The busy thing worked in my favour and kept me on track. At the end of the day, I actually ended up being a little under in my calorie intake and that made me feel great. I was very aware of everything I ate yesterday and that helped.

In the grocery store yesterday, I had my list and my hunny and I were discussing the ingredients for our dinner. We planned to make warm salad with some nice, skinless chicken we had. In the salad dressing aisle, I was looking at a bottle of low-fat, balsamic vinaigrette with roasted garlic, my hunny was looking at some full-fat, but really delicious looking, ranch dressing. We almost got into an argument over it, silly as that sounds. All week I have sort of felt like the bad cop from the food police squad or something. Because he's a classically trained, French chef, he's accustomed to cooking very heavy, fatty, but incredibly delicious food. Again, I reminded him about how frequently he tells me that he's unhappy with his body, his appearance, the way he feels, all of the things that being overweight can do to you. I also offered that if he wanted to, he could get the full-fat dressing for himself and his dad but that I'd have the low-fat, vinaigrette for myself. The compromise we came to was to get the dressing I wanted and a fat-free version of the one he was looking at.

On the way home from the grocery store we had a long discussion about cooking techniques and food as fuel vs food as recreation. To say that you'll never enjoy a delicious, decadent, full-fat meal again is just stupid. Of course, once in a while, it's totally okay. What's not okay is to cook and eat like that, 3 meals a day, every day. Doing that made us gain a tonne of weight during the first 3 years we were together. I offered him a challenge. I challenged him to come up with new recipes that were tasty and lower in calories. He's not been feeling really well this week so he didn't seem overly excited about that. I think that when his knee heals up(he's feeling much better today) he'll be more interested in my proposal. In the meantime, we're stocked up on chicken stock and are cutting back on oil in cooking. Baby steps, right?

Bad habits are hard to break. It's a big struggle keeping myself on program much less keeping everyone else on it too. Fortunately, once I get everyone else on my side, it'll be easier for all of us, we'll be able to support one another and the bad habits will be replaced with good ones.

Right now, I'm resting up. Today is a break day. My arms are still sore from the snow shoveling I did yesterday and I have a week worth of Oprah's tivo'd. Enjoy what's left of the weekend folks, I plan to!

Friday, January 07, 2005

At 9:45 a.m., I packed up my laptop and my "office in a box" and ventured back to my office. After 2 weeks of working, crowded around a board table with 6 other people, we're back into our freshly painted, carpeted and newly furnished offices. It feels so good to have my butt back into my chair. I'm slowly getting things unpacked and settled. I love my new desk. It's much brighter and better organized as far as storage goes, than my old desk. The paint and new carpet make the room seem huge and airy. I'm happy right now, really happy.

This is a huge improvement over how I felt this morning. When I woke up this morning, I felt terrible. My head was stuffed up and I was coughing. I couldn't do a proper workout because there was no way I could do cardio. I did some stretching though. It did loosen me up a bit and I felt better for it. I still have a bit of muscle and joint ache right now but I've been blowing my nose less frequently as the morning went along so, that's definitely better.

As I always do when getting back on track, I find myself worrying a bit about the weekend. My work routine helps so much as far as keeping on program goes. When the weekend rolls around the routine disappears, the temptation to snack creeps in. Fortunately, this weekend, all of the unhealthy snacking material is gone and, if I do feel like mindlessly snacking, I won't be able to do much damage (how many carrots do you have to eat before you start gaining because of them?). I'm quite looking forward to weighing in tomorrow. A good weigh-in will go a long way to keeping me on track for the weekend. I've got my fingers crossed folks!!

Thursday, January 06, 2005

Two years ago today, January 6, I officially started my journey to fitness and health.

As I sit here, munching on baby carrots while a large bowl full of a co-worker's leftover holiday candy sits 2 feet away from me I've been thinking about the last two years. In the beginning, the journey was difficult but the quick results I saw (which inevitably happen when you have as much weight to lose as I do) kept me motivated. I lost 76 pounds that first year. Last year, I probably lost 76 pounds, likely more. Unfortunately, by the time the year was up, I'd ended up gaining back 16 of those pounds.

2004 was full of many different types and levels of stress and I can make excuses until the skinny cows come home but the bottom line is that I got lazy. I kept up the exercise part of the program, more or less, but my eating was bad. It never got as bad as it was "in the old days" (thankfully) but it was not good. I hate to think what would have happened if I had not formed the exercise habit. I definitely would have gained back every ounce I lost, probably plus some.

It's hard to believe that I've been at this for 2 years now and I'm still fat. When I first began, I honestly thought that I'd be at my goal weight by now. I'm working on it, again, still, forever I expect. I don't expect to weigh this much forever but, practically, I know that I will have be mindful of everything I put into my mouth for the rest of my life or I'll end up back where I started.

On an up note, I'm through with dwelling on what I didn't do last year and I'm seriously working on what I can do. It's day four of being on plan and exercising every morning and I'm feeling better for it.

Oh, also, with some assistance from my hunny and a screw gun, I was able to get my recumbent bike fixed last night and it's working like a dream again! If I hadn't been able to get it fixed I'd have been hoofing it outside. Right now, it's snowing so hard that I cannot see the building across the street. I'm really glad that I don't have to get my exercise outside. Not today anyway.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

So I "officially" weigh-in on Saturdays. Temptation got the better of me this morning though. I just had to sneak a peek. Happily, I'm seeing a lower number on the scale. I'm not counting it yet but I'm sure it'll be at least the same on Saturday. Who knows, it could be lower!!

My recumbent bike was making that "the belt is crooked" sound this morning when I did my ride. I'll have to take it apart tonight and straighten it out. I think I'll order an extra belt next time I'm by the fitness store I purchased it from.

The stiff/sore/sick people at my house are starting to feel better. I hate seeing them both in so much pain and discomfort. I will also admit that my patience with the LOG is wearing thin. He's his own worst enemy and rather than get up and move around and try to feel better, he's just rolled up in a ball, in bed. I know he's uncomfortable but I also have had back trouble and he's not doing anything to help himself. Hopefully, right now, he's up and moving around at home. This has got to end soon.

I went through the cupboards and fridge and threw out all the odds and ends of crap that were leftover from Christmas. The LOG doesn't know this yet but even he is not going to be allowed any crap. We none of us need it, it's not good for us so why have it in the house?? There are enough healthy snacks and treats in the kitchen to keep him happy I think. He's a bit of a cookie monster and I'll still buy him cookies (he has his own cupboard for his cookies and crackers) but from now on, he's not getting any of those sandwich/icing cookies.

Last night, after dinner, my hunny and I were watching Coronation Street. He asked me if there was any thing in the house which contained flour and sugar. I told him that there was and then asked him if he really needed it? Would a fat-free yogurt of a piece of fruit be okay instead. He thought about it and said, "you know, I don't really need anything." I was really happy to hear that. I told him that I hoped that he didn't think I was being "mean" about it. I know he's feeling crappy about his knee and wanted a "treat" that was "bad." It's so easy to slide back into bad habits when you don't feel well. I reminded him of how unhappy and unhealthy he was complaining of being, just before Christmas. It's winning little challenges and struggles like this one, which will help us attain our goal.

On one last good note, I've noticed today that more folks have updated their blogs than have in a good long time. People are also starting to trickle back into Bev's fabulous support site, This is Weigh Better! in larger numbers than we have seen recently. Winning this battle is all about the support we receive and give to one another. Welcome back everyone, 2005 is going to be a kick-ass year!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

If you watch the Simpsons, you'll know where that header comes from. I don't feel fat today but I did eat too much fat yesterday. Ordinarily, I don't cook dinner. The stuff that I can cook well, that I like to make, doesn't go over very well with the other folks who live in the house so my hunny (who is a classically trained French chef), cooks. What he can prep in 15 minutes for a meal, would quite literally take me all day.

We had to get his pain-killer prescription filled last night and picked up a few groceries while we waited. I needed some lunch type stuff (baby carrots, bananas) but I was at a loss about what to do for dinner. With both him and LOG not feeling well (in fact, LOG was in bed all day so whatever I threw together had to be easy eat in bed) and us getting home so late, it had to be easy. The only thing that my hunny wanted was a smoked sausage on a bun. Fine. We picked up buns, sausage, went home. I intended to make a salad to go with it but the bag we had in the fridge was not edible. Can you say, Frozen French Fries. Goodness, it was not a good way to start the week was it? Fortunately, I kept my portion totally controlled and my calories were within my allowable range. The fat content was higher than I would have liked but, desperate times call for desperate measures. Fortunately, I have a handle on tonight and things should go better. Also, I shouldn't have to do a bunch of housework and other running around so the evening should be a little more relaxed.

Last night, when I finally got to bed, I lay there, hurting. My legs were sore and I felt really yucky. It wasn't a "hey I worked out" kind of sore (although I did have a little of that). This was a really tight, crampy feeling. I figure it's our office arrangement. Our offices have been painted and the carpet is in. The new furniture has just arrived this morning. It might take a couple of days for them to assemble everything. In the meantime, we're camped out around a large meeting table in our board room. 7 people on 7 laptops (although today we're down to 5). It's cramped, airless and we're sitting on chairs that were not intended for all day use. My body is taking a beating from these bad chairs and lack of oxygen. Fortunately, this shouldn't last too much longer. Honestly, what a difference a chair makes.

Again today, I had a good workout this morning. My meals have so far been totally on plan. When all is said and done, I should be able to stay 100% on plan today, fat content and all. I keep trying to picture myself in this t-shirt I bought in the wrong size (3 sizes smaller than what I normally wear). That silly black t-shirt is really helping me keep my focus because I cannot wait to wear it. You have to use whatever you have, right?

This makes me wonder, which carrot do you keep dangling on an imaginary stick in front of you? Once I get into the tshirt I'll need a new carrot so I'd love to hear about yours.

Monday, January 03, 2005

Yesterday was one big fat lazy day. I sat around in my pj's and watched tv, all.day.long. It felt terrific, I have to admit. Honestly, I cannot remember the last time we did that. Also, we ordered pizza for dinner last night. Cheesy, greasy, delicious pizza. It was wonderful.

Today though, we begin again. I feel terrific about it so far. I know it's only mid-day but I'm feeling good. Physically, I feel strong. I had a great cardio workout (with a little bit of lifting) this morning. I ate my healthy breakfast, before my shower. I had gorgeous oranges for my mid-morning snack. While literally everyone around me was eating take-out, I ate my healthy, balanced, home-packed lunch.

Right now, the LOG is still sick in bed and my hunny is nursing a mysteriously injured knee. I feel a little guilty to be feeling so good. I wish that they felt better but I'm grateful that at least one of us is healthy. When we are all out of commission, it makes taking care of one another really difficult.

I know that part of what I'm feeling right now is that "January high" that we all get each new year. I'm going to work very very hard to keep this feeling all year. I want to feel positive, full of promise, invigorated, strong, motivated and peaceful. I'm not sure exactly how to keep that going on but if I figure it out, I'll definitely let you know.

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Whenever I am up this early, I think of Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati. Remember the episode when he was doing the graveyard slot and he called himself Heavy Early? That's how I feel right now. My hunny had to start work at 4 a.m. and I was awake every 45 minutes or so, all night (we went to bed at 9:30 last night), paranoid that I wouldn't get up when the alarm went off.

I did get up, I woke him up and he's off to work right now. I'm a little groggy and overtired but can't sleep so I thought I'd say hello. Recently, I have made an amazing discovery: Quaker Crispy Mini's Salsa & Sour Cream Tortillaz. My local grocery store had them on for $0.97 per bag and at less than 70 calories per serving, I had to try them. I was pleasantly surprised by how tasty they were. They are really crunchy and flavourful without being too salty. I didn't expect to like them as much as I did, but sometimes you just never know, right?

I've been thinking a lot about 2004 over the past day or so. There are things that I've done that I'm quite pleased about and others that I regret. When I reflect on the stuff that I wish I'd done, it's not really fitness or health related. Every time I had an opportunity to spend some time with my friends or extended family, I can recall thinking about how much fun it was and "why didn't we do this more often." I hate that everyone gets so busy and bogged down with every day life type crap and we allow too much time to go by, between occasions. It's something that I've made a conscious decision to do in 2005: put my friends and family before things that aren't important. Re-prioritize I guess you could say. In light of the disaster that has happened in Asia this week, I feel so heartbroken and sick for everyone who is looking for missing family members and for those folks who have lost their lives so quickly and unexpectedly. Life is too short to let all the little crappy details distract me from what is really important.

Anyway, it would not be the beginning of the year without some goals. I hate to disappoint so here we go:

1. Get back, 100%, on plan. The whole household is going to boot camp. The excess Christmas goodies will be thrown out. We will eat the majority of our meals at home (eating out got kind of crazy in the last part of 2004). I will be a bad-ass and will keep our kitchen a "fail-proof environment" (a la Dr. Phil). No exceptions!!

2. Exercise program. In addition to the regular cardio I do (five mornings a week on the recumbent bike plus walking), I will add my new pilates DVD's to the mix. Initially, I want to do pilates at least 2 times a week. I realize that it might take me a while to figure it out. When I finally get comfortable with it, I'll increase the frequency. 2005 will be about strength and flexibility!!

3. Stress. I want to reduce it. I am a worrier by nature and I know that I bring a lot of my stress on myself. I want to eliminate any unnecessary stress and worry from my life and keep my focus on things that are truly meaningful to me.

Basically, in 2005 I want to be healthy and happy and to accomplish all of the things that I didn't do in 2004. In a perfect world, I'd love to lose over 100 pounds in 2005. From a practical point of view though, I think that a goal of 50 is more reasonable and attainable. If I beat that number, great but I don't want to get my goal too high and be overwhelmed by it. I'm going to take 2005 day by day and, instead of another year of being maintaining girl, I'd like to be the best darned shrinking girl that I know I can be!