"There is no end to self-knowledge."

The Journey Continues – Let’s Do This!

It’s interesting to look back on one’s life and see things that you may not have noticed in the moment. Those “missed” moments are sometimes very enlightening. Sometimes those moments bring questions that lead to further exploration of you as a person and the journey you are making through this lifetime.

For me, it’s not one “missed” moment, but a string of them that have led me to ask myself some interesting questions about myself and those who I’ve been close to during this life walk. The subject is leadership and the first question is “How did this happen to someone who never considered herself a leader nor had any desire to be one?”

During my childhood, I was never popular; never viewed as any kind of prospective leader. I just wanted to get through each school year to Summer, where I could be “free” to do as I pleased. High school saw others becoming heads of projects, class presidents, cheerleaders, valedictorians, etc. I was just a teenager trying to deal with teenage things and make it to graduation. Nope. No leadership roles on my schedule or on my wish list for my future.

Somehow that all changed in my mid to late twenties. It began with finding a spiritual path – Wicca. I think I told the story in my initial articles, found under the “Journey Log” tab at the top of the page. The abbreviated versions goes something like this: I had been searching for a spiritual path that fit my life philosophies and found it after reading “The Complete Art of Witchcraft” by Sybil Leek. I told a friend, who also read the book, and then we began a search for a teacher so we could learn and then form our own spiritual group – Coven – where we could teach others.

Scroll forward and you find that my friend and I have both become High Priestesses and a group has been formed with her as the official High Priestess of the group. After all, I had no desire to be a leader and she did. Standing in the shadows and being the assistant was just fine with me. Except the forces that be had other ideas and there came a time when the others in the group didn’t want my friend to be the leader anymore. They had grown tired of her ego and they saw that I was doing most of the work. Thus began my 40+ year sojourn as the High Priestess of our Temple.

Okay, so that happened. So what? Well, it’s not an isolated incident. There came a time when my High Priest and I decided it might be a good idea to attend some Pagan gatherings and meet others who walked the same and similar paths. We did this for several years until one night, at one of these gatherings, it was pouring rain and people kept appearing at the door of our 7’x9’ tent, asking to come in and talk.

I think there ended up being nine of us and the general tone of the conversation was the disappointment in the cliquishness of the people running this particular event. “Aren’t we all Pagan? Shouldn’t everyone be made to feel welcome?” Thus went that conversation until someone finally suggested that if we didn’t like the way things were being run, perhaps we should consider starting our own. Ideas were tossed around for awhile until finally someone said, “All we need now is someone to be the head of this.” aaaannnnddddd…..everyone turns and looks at me. All I could think was, “No, no, no, no, no.” The gal who never wanted to be a leader was being asked to lead again. Ultimately, I said, “Okay, let’s do this.”

The funny part of that story is I tried, once again, to stay in the shadows and put someone else out there in the public eye. That went on for about seven years. Finally, I officially took the reins and did that job for another thirteen years.

One last “moment” happened during that time of my running a gathering. It had to do with the desire of the women who attended to have a woman’s weekend. Guess who everyone decided should be the organizer? Yep, you got it. Me.

It was this women’s group that brought the second part of this enlightenment to me. Although others would follow. You see, there came a time when I decided that, what these ladies wanted to experience, I had already experienced in my life. It wasn’t new or interesting to me so I turned in my resignation, wishing them all a wonderful journey. The group fell apart. I even had a couple of them contact me about how sad and even hurt they were that I had left. I walked away and the group ceased to exist. I only mention this a second time because this wouldn’t be an isolated incident.

There’s really no necessity for me to recount the other instances that this happened. What is really important, from my perspective, is that it did happen more than once when I resigned, retired, or, in one instance, tried to retire and had to come back. You see, I don’t see myself as anyone particularly special. I see something that needs doing and I do it. To me, it’s just that simple.

If you want something, shouldn’t you be willing to step up and do the work necessary to make it happen? Admittedly lazy, I still am willing to do what it takes to manifest that desire, whatever it might be. I’ve always assumed most people are like this. As I look back, this doesn’t appear to be the case and it causes me confusion.

This has even happened with one-on-one incidences. Case in point, I had a friend who ran a health center and wanted to put out a monthly newsletter, on line, to her clients and others. When she told me about it, having experience in that area, I said, “Let‘s do this!”. She was thrilled. Yet when it came down to actually doing it, I would ask and ask, even make suggestions, and she would him-haw around. Finally, I came to the conclusion that she really didn’t want to have it happen or she would be doing something about it. Again…I’m confused.

Perhaps this is something I will never understand about myself or others. It just seems logical to me that if you have a vision of something you’d like to see happen, and you’re really passionate about it, the magick words to make it happen are, “Let’s do this!” and then the work begins.