TophHooperton Oh dear god. Reason not to tweet snarky things at a web conference. It’s broadcast on a GIANT screen.AlastairBoyes One thinks I shouldn’t be able to hear the headphones of a guy 3 seats down with my own on.supergibbo trust Apple 2 make a item so desired u have 2 jump through hoops to get 1. Feel rejected now like being denied @ a Bluelight DiscoHilary_Barry It’s hard to keep a straight face with the weatherman talking about “a finger of high pressure.” I saw one of those on the motorway today.davidfarrier found a long girls hair on my toothbrush which is weird because no girls have been here. maybe it’s a horse hairAaronBeardNZ Really wish the TV countdown family would adopt David Bain.kittengloves There are 2 certainties in life: 1. Death. 2. A whole draw full of plastic containers and lids THAT DO NOT MATCH.aaronmorton I have had it with these motherfuckin’ quakes on this motherfuckin’ (Canterbury) plain! #eqnzsamfromwgtn* From AMEX: “Thanks for applying… regretfullly unable to offer you membership… your personal income does not meet requirements.”*TradeMe founder who sold the business for a reported $300 million

Kids, eh?

kimmmillwood Miss8: “I love your sway-ey bits. You know, the soft wobbly parts.” No more hugs for that child.SpeelyFreaking There was a queue outside our bathroom this morning. I think I need more bathrooms… or less children. Whatever.Covlin Apparently my little cousin got confused after his teacher gave him a red sticker. Teacher wasn’t meaning to declare him damaged. #eqnz.Tarquin_Death Toddlers are the only people who actually enjoy seagulls. Maybe that is the point of seagulls

Just another day in the office

mikekooge Our office has decided on who will play who in a movie – Vaughan: Jack Black, Clint: Zac Efron, me: Paul Giamatti. Thanks everyone, really.amiewee That awkward moment at a porn shoot when the rose petals catch fireTeArahi_Maipi Just got asked for a phone interview on the train. Would have done it but it’s in Maori and someone might think I’m a terrorist. Call back

Animals. Why do we bother?

NZGeekGirl Have now shut the hung over cat in the bathroom with a litter box, she can come out once it’s all over.velofille Only one thing worse than hearing a cat puke up next to your bed at 3am, hearing the other cat ‘clean’ it up

I am awesome

TophHooperton Sometimes I wish I could give myself a high five and not look ridiculous.bobsyauncle That moment when you go to push your glasses up the bridge of your nose, but you’re not wearing them today & poke yourself in the eyephilbilbrough Just emailed myself. And then I didn’t understand what I was asking for.TangThang just realised that I’ve been studying for the wrong exam and that the exam is at 2pm not 12….. well 2 hours to get me some MAJOR studyWayneLikesPie Just polished off a jar of crushed garlic.bobsyauncle Giving blood & a nurse tells me I’m “a perfect specimen”. I know what she really meant

Oh, Twitter

m00ps Expanding a t.co link to reveal another shortened url is like the shittest game of Pass the Parcel ever.ErinJackson Twitter: are you suggesting I follow someone is similar to me cos they have the same last name, or is it the Amish-style beard?GreerMcDonald Note to self: re-read hashtags before you send. #ladieswhoreport quickly becomes… yeah, well.