Letter: The day Paul Ryan tried to sneak into heaven

Letter: The day Paul Ryan tried to sneak into heaven

February 17, 2018 10:55PM

The day Paul Ryan tries to sneak into heaven, someday long in the future, the flag over the Capitol will fly at half-staff. News reports will say that former House Speaker Paul Ryan died today surrounded by his loving children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The news will remember his time as speaker and discuss his record. While earth bids him farewell, he will make his way to heaven.

His blue-eyed beagle gaze delights at the sights. When he reaches a summit, heaven lies before him, and a voice calls out: “You have lost your way, Paul.” Speaker Ryan looks around but sees no one. He tries moving forward but something stops him. “Is that you Lord?”

After a long-suffering silence, the voice, now filled with disappointment, says “Yes.” Speaker Ryan gestures to the view. “Is that heaven?” Again, the voice says, “Yes.” The Speaker’s face fills with his trademark intelligent frown. “Well then, I have not lost my way.”

Again, a long silence. Heaven moves, now more distant. The light dims. The Speaker cries out. “I did everything right, how can this happen?” The voice says, “Paul that does not work here. You cannot sell your vote to me. You must earn it.”

Fear grips Speaker Ryan and he reaches for a defense. Ryan says, “I passed bills to stop abortion.” Again, the light fades and saps the Speaker’s confidence. “Yes, you protected life in the womb, but abandoned life outside the womb. You denied the living food clothing and health care. What did you do to stop the shooting epidemics, but kick the can to me? You offered thoughts and prayers to victims and their families when you could have protected them. I take prayers seriously and cynical references to prayer like yours disappointed me.”

Speaker Ryan throws his Hail Mary pass. “I did my best.” Darkness now falls, and the voice booms. “It was not enough.” The Speaker feels himself spinning into an abyss. The last words he hears come from the voice. “Where you are going, there are no books, but your favorite author is there. You and Ayn Rand can share eternity together.”