Natalie Portman caught with Sean Penn

In the biggest liberal conspiracy since the discovery of science, Sean Penn was recently caught making out with Natalie Portman at the Sunset Towers Hotel, according to Star:

“They went to a bank of elevators that only goes to the spa or to private rooms,” an eyewitness tells Star. “They came back about 45 minutes later, and that’s when I saw them making out.”
“There’s a door outside of the hotel’s Tower Bar that has a bridge to the terrace, so it’s semi-private,” the eyewitness explains. “I used that path to get to the restroom, and when I came back, I had to go through some curtains — and that’s when I interrupted Sean and Natalie! When they saw me, they were startled and quickly composed themselves.”

Here’s where I have to question Sean Penn’s manhood: If someone catches you making out with Natalie Portman, you don’t stop EVER. I don’t care if it’s Robin Wright Penn wielding a chainsaw, you keep going, dammit. God knows I would. Padme? — Er, Natalie?

Normally I have better taste in woman and do a whole lot better than Natalie Portman on a bad day. The fact is, I took pity on this unattractive little whore.

Yes, I was a bit drunk and I thought, “hey, what the hell. I’ll knock her around a little, throw up on her and then verbally humiliate her then go back downstairs and tell my buds how I banged her and how gross she is.” We all know that’s how real men, like me, treat woman.

Well, I’m off to punch out a photographer and make myself feel more self-important.

okay i understand that she is beautiful and talented, but damn i’ve been saying it for years, this bitch gets around!!!!!! but noooo one ever says anything because she’s so smart and a good-doer and all that shit. whateverrrrr.