It was a practice in the early church. but now it's taken up by those crazy pennycoastalists.

Speak in Tongues in 5-Days or Your Money Back!

Special Offer

Our Pastors are very excited about a new Hooked on Phonics DVD being made available exclusively through the Landover Baptist Church. "For the last few years, we've been assisting the folks at Hooked on Phonics in coming up with a quality product," says Landover Pastor, Deacon Fred. "I'm confident that we've created something that will have you babbling in so many tongues you'll damn Pentecostals to Hell with their corrosive envy."

The DVD allows beginners to start out the easy, backwoods Pentecostal way -- by copying what the person in the next pew is yapping. Within a day, you will learn to make up things that even you can't understand while in a hot-footed hillbilly trance. You'll get a hundred page handy translation guide along with the DVD:

TONGUES: shun-doo-lah!

ENGLISH: "Look at me!

TONGUES: shun-doo-lah, mah-shundah!

ENGLISH: "Look at me! Look'it what I can do!"

DVD extras include: Basic Snake-Handling, Pew-Jumping Safety, Beginner's Chandelier Swinging, and the popular short instructional film, Slayed in the Spirit: Failsafe Protocals - When You're in the Wrong Church and the Congregation Goes for the Gun Rack, It's Time to Play Dead.

Not included in this offer: Singing in Tongues and Healing Below the Belt.

Landover Baptist Ministries puts its reputation on the line by promising to retain only 85% of the $2,304 cost of this deluxe one DVD set if you are not completely satisfied -- all you have to do is tell us you weren't 100% happy and pay the $350 shipping costs and allow the Landover Baptist Sin Patrol to scan your hard drive to ensure you didn't make a copy of this proprietary software -- or have photographs or movies that Pastor Deacon Fred has deemed after careful study to be offensive or sickening."

« Last Edit: December 17, 2004, 12:55:17 PM by sdcheung »

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Keep Breed Mixing, and this Maine Coon Cat will be the last of it's kind. /\No profanities in your sig line if you're going to post in the public forum.

Well, I recommend reading Fr. Seraphim Rose's "Orthodoxy and the Religion of the Future." He proposes that it might be demonic. There is another book "In Peace let us pray to the Lord" by Fr. Alexis Trader. I do not know that either present themselves as THE position of The Orthodox Church on this matter as it is a relatively new phenomenon.

No matter how much they say otherwise it is not what is recorded as happening on Pentecost.

I grew up in the AOG (I left it when I was 16). After I had left and was able to compare some experiences among Pentecostals with other experiences I had, I became concerned. I remain concerned.

I later went thru the Charismatic renewal in the RC, I saw some of the same stuff like "just open your mouth and start" I never bought that. I think some of talking in tongues is that, some is a type of hysteria, some is authentic prompting of the Most Holy Spirit and some is the prompting of an unholy spirit. Sorry that is just my opinion.

« Last Edit: December 17, 2004, 04:08:34 PM by TonyS »

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Tómame como al tequila, de un golpe y sin pensarlo. - Ricardo Arjona

I'd be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender and if everbody's a sinner then everybody can be a winner ...I'll see you when yo

Yes, born into I suppose is the most accurate expression. My mom's side is almost all Pentecostal, AOG and COG (Cleveland, TN) both.

I was never baptised Pentecostal.

When I was in my twenties I became involved in somethings sort of like "New Age," others a bit different, the only reason I bring it up is the following. Some of the people "with the Holy Ghost" I saw in some AOG meetings acted much like what I saw in other possessions later. No message, no apparent purpose other than to give the deity a body for a while. Very scary. This short bit does not do justice to the experience but my conscience requires I say something.

Tony

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Tómame como al tequila, de un golpe y sin pensarlo. - Ricardo Arjona

I'd be a fool to surrender when I know I can be a contender and if everbody's a sinner then everybody can be a winner ...I'll see you when yo