Cool. Ok, deep breath. I have no idea who my older son's father is. None. Not a Jeremy Kyle one of three, no idea. I was raped fairly violently, police involved, went to court, minimal sentence. He could be the father. Or any other random I slept with at the time, very bad period of drug use, alcohol use, extreme and untreated depression.

Life changed. I got help, my family were hugely supportive, I had my son and met dp when he was nine months old. It's been great. Moved on, got properly supported with my mental health, retrained for a professional job. All good. 10 years on from birth of son, we've had son 2. My mum has started to sy things like, your half brother to my older son, who has no idea that my partner is not his dad. What should I do?

Tell your mum to zip it. It is none of her business. He is her grandchild, and your other child is equally her grandchild. It is absolutely none of her business and she needs telling pronto to keep her nose out of it.

Sorry, I missed posts. Dp and I don't want to change anything. We moved house and area many years ago and everything's been great, my ds1 adores his little brother. We cut contact with any friends who might say anything. My mum is the fly in the ointment suddenly although she's been a marvellous support and granny until now this has come up. My pil, who you'd think would be less discreet gave been fab.

There are lots and lots of people who have children and raise them with a new partner who is not the father of the child. There is absolutely no need for your son to ever know the full circumstances of his conception. A white lie in this instance is completely understandable.

Thank you so much. I know people say a child has a right to know their father. Well, I honestly have no idea. And if it were to be the rapist, I wouldn't want him to know! He has a father. He's had one since he was baby. It's hard to see how this could ruin everything for our happy family after a decade.

We talked this all through at the beginning of our relationship (I'd known my partner for a few years before we got together). We are in agreement about it. My son has no father on his birth certificate. My partner thinks we just add his. Is that legal?

I dont think you can just add someone to a birth certificate, but he could legally adopt him, and you would then get a new birth certificate (I think). He would still need to know as he grows up that your partner is not his biological father, but it can be done gently, he doesnt need to be sat down and given the full details.

Have you asked your mum why she is suddenly being a twat about this? That might be useful to know before you tell her to keep her beak out, because she is definitely in the wrong here.

However, it really is a good idea to have a simple, tactful, age-appropriate version of the truth for your DS rather than allowing him to grow up thinking that his dad is his bio-father, because the truth tends to come out at some point (often over something like blood groups or a health issue that is due to genetics), and the realisation that the truth has been hidden from you all your life is devastating.