Hi
I've not posted on this board before, just found it today when I was looking for a site to help with ethical issues arising from IVF. It's difficult to find anyone to discuss our problem with as 7 years ago we were incredibly lucky to have had a successful IVF cycle after 3 failed attempts and 6 years of TTC. We had 2 embryos also frozen.

After our son was born we didn't use any contraception (no point we thought) and decided to use our frozen embryos but I got pg naturally and we had a little girl. Then we did take precautions (!) and arranged to do the thaw cycle again as I felt we had to give the embryos a chance having created them. However in the 3 months before our appointment I fell pg again (no idea how) and had another girl. So we have been unbelievably lucky and, despite the trials and tribulations of parenthood, are reminded of this every day.

But now we have to decide what to do with the frozen embryos. Has anyone else faced this dilemma and what factors did you take into account when deciding? In my heart of hearts I feel they have to be given a chance but I do have 3 lovely children and I am 43 now so getting on a bit. We could afford it but I don't really want to be pregnant again. There's so much to think about and I can convince myself either way but can't get rid of the feeling that they could be my little boy's twin and all other logical factors don't really count.

I can't really help you with what to decide but I just wanted to let you know that your not alone in your thinking.
We were lucky enough to be successful in IVF with both our first attempt and 2nd (I am currently 32 weeks pregnant with No.2) Ideally i feel that 2 children is enough for us, but I can't help thinking of our frozen embies and the fact that as you say we created them and they deserve a chance. At least if we used them I would know if they were meant be to be or not. Also because our infertility is unexplained there is always a chance of a natural pregnancy occuring and so have to decide if i want to go back on contraception or not after all these years.

Let me know what you decide or any further thoughts you have. I have thought though that its one of those decisions you and DH have to make and just ignore what others say or think.

Thanks for your reply, Casy. It's nice to know there are others out there with the same thoughts! We are booked into the clinic in July for the thaw cycle so have a few weeks to decide whether to go ahead.

I think I will probably let fate decide the outcome as I think I will be happy with either outcome as long as I feel I've done the right thing by the embryos.

I am 43 also and just gave birth to my first child this past February. We failed at 2 IVF's, but became pregnant naturally while waiting to try a frozen cycle. I will have 4 frozen eggs left from IVF #2. Luckily for me, mine are not embies, but only eggs. I still think about either trying one more time naturally or using my frozen eggs. However, since Andrew is only 3.5 months old, I would not want to get pregnant until he is closer to 1 year old. Of course I will be older then too. We have also been considering international adoption, since we had almost given up on getting pregnant. Now we are trying to decide what is right for our family. I would love for little Andrew to have a sibling to grown up with.

Congratulations on having Andrew! It must have been a big surprise to get pregnant naturally after fertility treatment. He looks like a little cutie.

I didn't really ever think about siblings when I was going through IVF as even one baby seemed too much to hope for but it's amazing how quickly you start to think about it once the baby is born - and I came out of that delivery room swearing never ever again! I love seeing my 3 interact (except when it's all out warfare) and how loving and caring they can be. I hope things work out for you whatever route you take and that you enjoy your little boy to the full - these precious first few months just fly by.

Nice to hear from someone my age too who is still considering adding to their family - I can't believe I am 43. This getting older business is hard to deal with when I still feel young!!

Thanks for the compliments on Andrew. He is my little cutie! I dont' feel old at 43 either. We still haven't decided what we will do regarding the 2nd child. Adoption might work out best for us, since the timing would be when Andrew is around 18 - 24 months old. The child we would be adopting would be between 9 months and 18 months. They could be 1 year apart or could be the same age.