Don’t tell me this commercial hasn’t stopped you in your tracks. If perchance, you are fast forwarding through your commercials, grab a tissue and behold.

That’s some powerful sh*t, Microsoft, as I type on my MacBook.

BRAVE. What a great word, not just for 2014 as a whole, but for every single day ahead that will create your 2014. What are you facing? Big decisions? Uncertainty? Are you consumed with doubt? Are you scared?

I usually have a pretty good January plan for mapping out my year, but this year’s calendar? Pfft. I couldn’t tell you where I’ll be at any give month, or what I’ll even be doing. I can’t begin to summon a picture of what life will look like over the next 12 months.

At some point, we will be moving. At some point, I may start a business. At some point, I’ll be on Martha’s Vineyard. There is so much up in the air. But, this is the chaos of unmade plans that create adventure and experience and maybe therapy, who knows?!

All I know for sure is that I will make it awesome. I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in February. I will be at the TCM Film Festival in April. I will cheer on my four successful kids, in four different states, tirelessly from wherever I may be.

And, I won’t hold back.

I’m going full-out brave. Let me know ‘how big your brave is’.

.

Huzzah, Sara Bareilles, for providing the perfect soundtrack to accompany the brave choices we all have to make. C’mon! Blog Karaoke! Everybody, sing along. No one’s watching. And if they are, who cares. BE BRAVE!

“Brave”

You can be amazingYou can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drugYou can be the outcastOr be the backlash of somebody’s lack of loveOr you can start speaking upNothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words doWhen they settle ‘neath your skinKept on the inside and no sunlightSometimes a shadow winsBut I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see youI just wanna see youI just wanna see youI wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see youI just wanna see youI just wanna see youI wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,Everybody’s been stared down by the enemyFallen for the fearAnd done some disappearing,Bow down to the mightyDon’t run, just stop holding your tongueMaybe there’s a way out of the cage where you liveMaybe one of these days you can let the light inShow me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silenceWon’t do you any good,Did you think it would?Let your words be anything but emptyWhy don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to sayAnd let the words fall outHonestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see youI just wanna see youI just wanna see youI wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see youI just wanna see youI just wanna see youSee you be brave

We were told only to dress warmly. The guides provided Brawny Man snow boots and gloves. They gathered the eight anxious and emotionally worn families, assured us that we would have “fun” and we headed out.

In knee-deep snow, I quickly found a cadence that allowed myself to navigate the loose powder like a gazelle, prancing over a billowy blanket. The scenery can only be described as Mother Nature at her finest meets…..Fargo.

Ahead of us, the pristine, untouched snow represented the hope and dreams of every person on that trip. By simply looking behind us, our footsteps and the wrecked, demolition of nature in our wake represented why we were on this adventure, in the first place.

For fifteen minutes we trudged, Jordan and Larkin at my sides, we were already giggling. “Where are they taking us?” Joshua walked ahead with his new friends. I thought to myself, “He’s only know these guys for 30 days and they know everything about each other.” Then, I realized, “Hell, I’ve just met these other parents 4 days ago and I will remember them forever.” Let’s just say, you really get to know folks pretty quickly in a “group” setting.

What a week. Starting the New Year, 2013, in Montana. At a young men’s rehab facility. What was it, that Dr. Seuss said? Ah, yes…”Oh, the Places You’ll Go!”

Larkin and I were not blind sighted by our son’s addiction to prescription pills. Addiction runs loyal and deep on the male side of our family. Hello? Remember my brother-in-law’s book? (And yes, he is named after his uncle.)

Still, you’re really never prepared to watch your child pour out his heart, declare his failures and share his darkest secrets in a big circle of strangers under fluorescent lighting.

I had never been to any kind of group therapy/meeting. I had always said my last name when I met new people and I most certainly had never heard my name echoed right back to me, by a room full of people who looked exactly how I felt. Heartbroken, terrified and clueless.

We were all shell-shocked families gathering in a warm cabin, remarkably sharing the same story. We were all the same. Sure, different backgrounds, different settings. But, we all had the same questions burned into our eyes, written all over our faces…will THIS work? Is this nightmare over?

On that last morning of Family Week, a year ago today, we trudged into the woods for our “Family Course Challenge”. The counselors asked our sons, ages 14-22, to blindfold their families and asked us to be silent. (Ha!) Joshua tightened the bandana around my head and I quickly realized I didn’t have my bearings as to where Jordan and Larkin had ended up. Our sons gently maneuvered us into a line and we were told to grab the rope to our right.

The guide announced that we would be taking a hike. Blindfolded. In silence. In three feet of snow. Led by a bunch of addicts.

Awesome.

Our chain gang began the hike gingerly, each of us trying to step accurately without falling. It was made difficult by each of the 16 people blindly tugging and pulling on the same rope. We must all look drunk right now. It took us all a few minutes to steady ourselves, but we developed a rhythm quite quick.

After awhile, I found myself in the groove; even daydreaming about the sound of the quiet. I was really taking in the sounds; my boots crunching in the snow, the group’s collective breathing, a lonely bird cawing overhead. Probably a vulture biding his time, I thought, surely one of us is going down.

The crisp, fresh air felt like an astringent on my face. Funny, I wasn’t even cold. I was just in the moment.

Then, up ahead, the path became rocky and one of the moms bobbled. The rope started to lurch forward and I immediately felt a panic mixed with vulnerability and competitiveness. “There is no way I’m falling!”

Oh, no…I can’t yell and I’m starting…to… to fall…wait, no…oh!

In one superhero-like flash, two powerful hands grabbed my shoulders from behind me, caught me before I could fall, straightened me right up and whispered in my ear:

I got you, mama.

My breath stopped. It was so quiet that I felt my beautiful baby boy’s whisper echo right through me, into the trees and out into the morning air. “I got you, mama.” I hadn’t even realized that Joshua was near me, watching me struggle blindly. Literally.

That gesture, him catching me; taking care of me, overwhelmed me in an instant. I recognized the cold that very moment, as those first hot tears spilled down my face in silence. My son saved me from falling.

Just like we were trying to save him.

Every time I recall this story, my throat catches. It is hands down, one of the top five most precious moments of my life. That hike, that day, that whole week, actually. The love, strength and honesty we shared with each other, with total strangers, was an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything.

If you would’ve told me that one of my best New Year’s ever would be “Family Week” at a substance rehabilitation facility, in the mountains of Montana, I would’ve simply replied: “You must be high.”

one year and counting

I gave myself a full year, before I shared our story. I am more than proud that Joshua chose help and committed to this path, made even more challenging as he is a college student. As hard as it was, I can honestly say, that 2013 was a great year for our son.

If you have a loved one in your life that has a substance addiction, please do not feel alone. Get to an Al-Anon meeting, find a trusted friend or get in touch with me. Keeping it to yourself only adds to the fear. I promise you, it is more common than you think. You are not alone.

I know we have that kind of relationship. We don’t talk everyday. Yet, when we finally get together, it’s like time hasn’t passed. We don’t skip a beat. Just that kind of relationship.

I don’t want to be a buzz kill on NYE, but I am so ready for 2013 to be over. To end the longest year ever, I wanted to give you some straight up Living Lola inspiration. Spunky anecdotes that really helped me through this tumultuous year.

These past few days have been filled with sending our kids back to their cities, cleaning out the fridge (so much damn food; Resolution #1: less waste) and willing the evergreen garland to last until the New Year or at least, heavy trash day.

The end of the holiday season always brings a little melancholy with that certain spark of hope. A clean start. A new year. Right after you throw out the gross food and dead evergreen remains.

Gratitude. Inspiration. Motivation. ‘Tis inevitable.

There is much to be thankful for, but there is also much work to be done. Larkin and I have big changes coming in 2014. I was just about to start making my lists, my resolutions, my game plan. Then, on the corner of Overwhelming and It Will Never Happen, I came across this:

Twitter is a funny thing. You read 140 words from people who are like-minded. People who share your interests. People who make you laugh with the scroll of a thumb. People you’d like to drink with at a cozy, neighborhood bar.

@ElanaMD has inspired me, made me laugh, offered advice. And, “Holy Shit…” she has cancer. She could probably use a drink, too. Her blog post announcing her diagnosis will make you reevaluate your NY resolutions. Her humanity and candor will inspire you. I welled up reading her blog post, filled with emotion. She’s on my Twitter feed, for Godsakes!

Do we cry over Twitter/blogger relationships? (Do we really capitalize “blogger” or is WordPress spellcheck just fucking with me? (Resolution #2: less colorful language)

Well, I say “yes.” (To the first question, of course. Screw the capital ‘B’. Unless you’re Beyoncé, which obviously starts with a “Queen”, anyway.)

My Twitter feed is a personal, custom-made window to the world, as I choose to see it. Roger Ebert’s amazing tweets left a huge, gaping hole that I still miss. There are just some social media relationships that cannot be replaced.

It has been awhile. But, we have that kind of relationship, no? Like old friends that go awhile without seeing each other, then just pick up right where we left off. I thought so.

I’m perfectly comfortable with checking in, every now and then.

So,

as Fall finally flirts with us in the South, cold now…hot this weekend, I am reminded once again of change. Just like the seasons, time and those God-forsaken-Yes-I-know-they-save-lives smoke detector batteries, we all must change. And, be prepared to change. Especially before that obnoxious beeping sound starts. In the middle of the night. Every freaking time.

It has been a big year for our family. Transition and change has come in a variety of emotional packages, big and small, heart wrenching and heart soaring. Whether tears of joy or fear or gratitude, this I know is true: there has been magic. An exhilarating force of unexplained energy; I had absolutely no control. Experiences and outcomes that I couldn’t even imagine.

That’s the best thing about uncontrollable change. The house sets down with a sudden thump, you open the creaky black and white door, then, boom. A Technicolor wonderland. Not at all what you expected, but, wow! Pretty damn cool.

Today, there is uncertainty, chaos and indecision. Honestly, I’m still waiting for the house to land with a sudden thump. But, seasoned from experience, I am confident. There will be magic. Adventure magic.

So, I spent an “awesome” week in “Marina Del Rey” with my daughter, Jordan. (Say it like the SNL skit, “The Californians” for full effect.)

We, of course, had our lists of songs, videos, movies, trailers, tweets and memes to share with one another. Pour us a couple of cocktails and the two of us are off babbling like third graders on some sort of wild, extreme show and tell.

That is what I love best about our mother daughter relationship. We get each other. We are movies and music and NFL and superheroes and pirates and comic con wanna-goes. We do not shop, but if forced to, it has to be fast. In a mall or department store, we will lose the ability to verbally communicate in about 30 minutes. We don’t pour over fashion mags or celeb rags. But, we can go into full-blown geek mode with showing each other the latest mind-blowing “Star Wars” or “Avengers” meme. We swoon over food and cocktail recipe porn on Pinterest.

Mostly, we are simply entertained by making each other laugh. That is our relationship. We don’t bicker. We laugh. We do not argue. We laugh. We do not judge each other. We simply laugh. We are in a constant celebration of the 23 years of sheer entertainment we have continued to provide each other. We are pretty damn proud of ourselves. Even when we are the only ones laughing.

There is always the perfect movie or TV line for every situation, that serves as a salve to every hardship we have ever had to encounter. Laughter is our comfort food and our favorite cocktail. Well, more like the perfect garnish to our favorite cocktail.

There are those that know us and understand. There are those that know us and think we are freaks. Jordan and I have never fought, yelled or bickered. Ever. And it is all her. She was born with the temperament of a wise, seasoned traveler. The patience she showed me, Helen Keller-ing my way into new mother hood at 23 was mind-boggling. (It would prove to serve me well with my son.)

Jordan brought out my bravery, honed my confidence and taught me that competitiveness was overrated and would bring nothing but stress and possibly Yellow Jack Fever! (I dramatize. We’re from the south and big fans of Bette Davis’ Jezebel. And Mint Juleps.)

Thank you, Jordan. We really dodged a bullet. If I hadn’t let you lead me, let you show me who YOU were, we could still be posing for pics in matching Laura Ashley dresses. (Oh, c’mon. I only it did it once. Okay, twice! But, that was it!)

This I know for sure, my girl: You KNOW who you are. And, what you are not.

Jordan has not developed an affinity for home and hearth, just yet. She’s a busy young woman making her way in the film biz in Hollywood. So I flew to “SoCal” to bring my special decorating mama magic to her newly rented apartment. Admittedly, she felt that “crack den” was not the look she was going for. She had a mattress on the floor and a large flat screen TV. Priorities.

Here are a few before and after pics. It’s not Architectural Digest, but damn. My girl feels cozy again. She said it feels like home…almost. It’s cozy for “The Ca-li-for-nians”.

I hit every vintage store and antique shop in the Santa Monica area. And, by the way, if you watched the skit above, I DID “have to take Lincoln ALL the way to Washington!” OHMYGAWD!

Before

After

Next week, I’ll be off to the East Coast to get Joshua set up in his first apartment in Boston. The Boy should be much easier…in theory. But, the talented, creative soul that he is bleeds into all sorts of decorating and style “opinions.” Joshua has taught me a different kind of patience. The kind you use to not be on the local news, behind the yellow tape. Still, I wouldn’t change our relationship for anything, either. We have been through some rough seas but, came out stronger and better humans because of the struggles he has had to face. Again, HIM teaching ME.

We have all read the articles, seen the TV segments that “special” is overused and has paralyzed an entire generation of kids with entitlement issues. But, I feel comfortable with my children being unique to me; they are mine. I wouldn’t trade my road for anything or change one turn, for fear it wouldn’t lead me right to this moment: Jordan starting her adult life in L.A.and Joshua getting back on the college road at Berklee. Nicole, happy and successful with her booming photography business in Austin. Monica, thriving as a new lawyer, at a major firm here in Houston.

It is a parenting, “I can breathe” moment.

We are right where we are supposed to be. They lead me right here. (Exhale.)

Happy “Back to School” to all, from kindergarten to college. This time of year always brings on the same feelings of starting anew, along with letting go. But, as you pack up your kids school supplies or set up their dorm rooms, let them lead you. Let them show your their strengths, their likes, their interests. Let them lead you down the path that feels natural to them. Yes, you are in charge and you are their ultimate guide. But, you will be amazed at what those precious little ones can teach you.

On this very rainy Spring day, I find myself offering “new beginning” messages and advice to some of the closest people in my life. And, God, by no means do I have the answers. I just happen to have an over-abundance of the one thing that always seems to be the most annoying thing to the people closest in my life: a positive, self-disciplined, roll up your sleeves and show some muscle, “We can do this” spirit.

Several friends and family going through divorce. Some starting ALL over. Devastating and heart-breaking, yes. But, I also see the liberating, shake up the Etch-a-Sketch side. The fresh start. The clean slate. (This is usually where annoyance kicks in.)

Our kids, all in their twenties, are all making big life changing choices right now, as well. Ah, but that is what your twenties are for, no? The growing and maturing out from under and away from your parents. Trying on new locales, lifestyles and different jobs to see what is a good fit.

“Good fit”…hmm?….well, let me start with that.

New you. If you are trying to actually get fit, then do it now. It will never be as easy as it is in your twenties. Just saying. Make it a habit now. Get crazy about it. Fall in love with being good to your body. You will always have to be active in some way, as long as there is good food and cocktails. So start the self-discipline this minute. You will thank me when you are 47. And, you can thank me by taking me out for a cocktail.

New cities. Did you leave home to go to college, swearing you’d be back in four years? Do you stay in your college town, because it is just that awesome? Do you live where you have always dreamt of living? What holds you back? Do it now. Now, while you’re young, nimble and traveling light. Spouses, jobs, kids weigh a freaking ton. It is so much harder to chase your dreams with a conga line of baggage. Albeit, beautiful and loving and Louis Vuitton-esque. It is still baggage. Even with the LV’s plastered all over it, it is STILL heavy.

New jobs. This is what you wanted that awesome education for, right? Get the job you love! Take your passion, make it happen…Irene Cara that interview! (Didn’t get that reference? Hello! I said, I am F O R T Y-S E V E N.)

You have the entire internet to find any possible job anywhere in the whole wide world. WORLD! That is why it is called the WORLD WIDE WEB. Do you know how utterly amazing that is? There are jobs everywhere. There are “engines” that do the searching for you. GO! Go get yours. All you have to do is click, swipe and press send on your computer, iPad, smart phone, tablet or (insert latest gadget here). Done, resume sent. Do it now.

Poor things, you won’t ever even know what it’s like to dirty your fingers with black newspaper ink, scrolling the “want ads” for any little job possibility, in your field, in your one town! “Gee, that’s a great story, Grandma.”

New friends. Who lasted from High School? Which college friends held your hair back while you vomited and will be in your wedding? Choose well and they will last a lifetime. Now, is the time to cut loose the friends that are not adding to the flavor of your life. It is okay to have fond acquaintances from your youth, but they just may not fit into your recipe for life, at this time. Hell, some may have even past their expiration date.

If you hang with people who bring you down, scoff at your adventurous ideas for an exciting life, offer back hand compliments or just plainly suck the very marrow from your bones, then, gently and gracefully, (always gracefully) cut these people loose. You don’t have to be ugly about it. It is only natural. We all grow at different paces. Surely, you’ve outgrown those epic vampire love stories by now. I’m sure you’ve out grown a few life-sucking friends, as well. Do it now.

With all friends, love, marriage and the baby carriage timelines will change everything and will never be in sync, again. You cannot plan that part, you just have to adapt and keep your heart open. Single, married, kids or not, there is a season for it all. It is different for everyone. (Although, it could easily be my new age of 47, but, don’t all of the couples with multiple kids, in these current TV car commercials look like 20-year-old Jason Mraz-ish prototypes? Not everyone can pull off that hat, Kia car advertising department!)

You see kids, the gold nugget that I feel I have been repeating lately, over and over, to loved ones in distress, of all ages, is this:

It is not just on the New Year or birthdays or during the renewing forces of Spring. It comes with every single day. Every single sunrise; a new beginning. Isn’t that amazing? (“Don’t you think that’s amazing?!)

Even on a random, rainy Friday.

A new chance. A new hope to create and live and be the person that you strive to be. It doesn’t happen overnight. It happens with every little step you take in the right direction. YOUR direction. Every single day. But, starting now.

For those of you who follow me on Twitter or Instagram or are related to me or are my friends or were standing next to me in the grocery line yesterday, I apologize for showing this yet, again.

But, holy hell. THIS. HAPPENED.

The incomparable Robert Osborne

Don’t you just love the way he is cozied up to me? Like we’re old friends. Well, to me, he is. He will always be. I love Robert Osborne. He was as gracious and dapper as I thought he’d be. The perfect host. Lark just has to deal with it.

I will be waiting with bated breath this fall, when tickets for next year’s film fest will go on sale. Larkin and I had the time of our lives and have vowed to go back every year.

With Larkin at the Vanity Fair party

Many of the movies I attended, I admit, I have seen numerous times. But, never on the big screen.

Some digitally remastered, some not. All amazing.

But, even more fascinating than re-watching them, as they were meant to be viewed, were the introductions. Legendary filmmakers, actors, directors…discussing the details, the memories, the experience of taking part in creating these classics.

Tears filled my eyes, when we all gasped in surprise when Cher was introduced to kick off “Funny Girl”. (You may remember, she was one of my first mentors. See “About Lola”)

Cher introducing “Funny Girl”

I heard Tippi Hedren and Norman Lloyd speak of working with Alfred Hitchcock. I was totally amazed by The Birds; a film I’ve seen many times. It sounded absolutely terrifying in the historical Grauman’s TCL Chinese Theatre. It felt like a totally different film.

I swooned over Cary Grant in Hitchcock’s Notorious. In my opinion, he is the most gorgeous, debonair male lead of all time. All these years, watching all of his movies, but finally…there he was….larger than life. I sigh, just typing this.

Albert Maysels discussed his capturing the infamous “killing” on film while working on the Rolling Stones documentary, Gimme Shelter. The creators of Aiplane!, Jim Abrahams, David Zucker and star Robert Hayes had us all rolling in the aisles before the film even started. Laughing and reciting the lines of Airplane! with 1100 other fans is something I will never forget.

I cried along with Jane Fonda as she recalled the therapeutic making of her father’s last film, On Golden Pond; triumphantly winning Henry Fonda his first Best Actor Academy Award, at the end of his life.

Robert Osborne with Jane Fonda

So many touching stories behind the camera, enriching the 40 foot screen dramas that lit up my face for those four amazing days. It was nothing less than movie magic.

Since it was my first festival, I paced myself and actually ate meals. There are many passionate fans that survive on popcorn and protein bars and fill 12 hours a day with films. I took “Happy Hour” at the Roosevelt Hotel quite seriously. We all have our different means of survival. And, hey, it WAS my birthday weekend.

#TCMParty

On a personal level, I finally met Twitter friends that follow TCM and share an affinity for classic films. Putting names to faces is nothing like putting names to avatars to Twitter handles to real names, then real faces. I kept smiling like a jack ass to people I was sure I knew. But, did I?

Sometimes there are 100 of us watching an old film together via Twitter, sometimes just a handful. With one hashtag, we connect in some sort of modern, technical, pen pal, friends from camp that you only see once a year, kind of way. We assemble from all over the country and beyond, sharing trivia, tidbits and stories. And, with no one shhh-ing us. It’s pretty damn cool.

I have Twitter friends that share like-minded interests and know nothing about me except what I tell them in 140 characters or less. I love the daily banter, links, recipes and revelry that fill my time line.

My TCM Twitter friends and I share a true love of classic films that will live forever.

And, that is a love that will outlive us all.

Kind of like my love for my husband. And, Robert Osborne.

For a true classic film education, I highly suggest the following blogs: