Dr Phil & the Drunk

I don’t watch Dr Phil. But I think I might if this preview delivers on its promise -- that he will call out Dina Lohan for being a piece of sh-t and raising a piece of sh-t. Lindsay Lohan, of course.

It’s the most glorious low-classy body language you have ever seen. It’s the trademark Lohan denial and excuse-making. It’s, of course, an attempt at self-victimising. And, not surprisingly, she seems drunk. Look at her. She can’t even sit up properly.

And still, I don’t want to get too excited. Perhaps it’s cynicism. After all, celebrities, even minor ones, even the ones who are only famous by extension through famewhoring off their children, are too often coddled and ass-kissed. Dr Phil may not be known for ass-kissing, but there’s a certain set of hoops we are required to jump through, certain promises that must be made before being able to secure a so-called “star” guest that have to be honoured. Oftentimes the advance clips, for the purposes of attracting viewers, are much more sensational, cut deceivingly, than how the interview actually turns out.

At the same time, these are the Lohans. No one gives a sh-t anymore about being nice to Lindsay Lohan and all her extensions, hair or human. That’s how low Lindsay Lohan has fallen. So low the media doesn’t have to suck and swallow and report from its knees. In fact, it’s become increasingly acceptable to sh-t on her with impunity, not necessarily out of a desire to be cruel for cruelty’s sake, but, frankly, because that’s the only way to properly tell the story.

And if Dr Phil wants to properly tell the story, he’ll take it to Dina hard. Which is what we’ve been led to believe he does here. As she fidgets and dodges and blames...everyone else, even HIM, for the loser Lindsay has become.