Forum » Tag: Ed Elasticband - Recent Postshttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=ed-elasticband
The NewsBiscuit Communityen-USTue, 03 Mar 2015 19:02:55 +0000http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2qhttp://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php
Kazytc on "Ed Elasticband Benefits Millionaires with Free Children"http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13861#post-37584
Mon, 11 Oct 2010 13:55:15 +0000Kazytc37584@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/<p>The leader of the labour Party, Ed Elasticband MP, has announced today, that he is going to give all millionaires free children, as a new form, of child benefit, amidst criticising David Cameron, for announcing his plans, to axe child benefits for millionaires, and people earning over 43 pence.</p>
<p>Ed Elasticband, has been criticised for trying to win over the wealthy British Electorate, by bribing them with free children, in the hope that he will get voted in, at the next general election.</p>
<p>Ed Elasticband is having 20 million children, flown in from Pakistan, India, China, and other disadvantaged countries, to give out as child benefits, to millionaires across the UK.</p>
<p>However, there is a catch, that being, that, the millionaires who refuse to take their new child benefits, will have their millions confiscated from them, for non-compliance.<br />
The move has sparked widespread anarchy, as thousands of millionaires, descended on the Houses of Parliament's lawns, in helicopters and Rolls Royce's, to protest at the new ruling.</p>
<p>Marjorie Money-Penny and her husband Rich, pelted Ed Elasticband, with 50,000 diapers, as he came out to give a speech, in the hope of quelling the protests.</p>
<p>Ed Elasticband, faced so much heckling from the millionaires, that he was unable to get a word in edgeways, but sadly this failed to make a dent in his huge ego, which in line with inflation, swelled even more, when he felt that he had got one up on the wealthy.<br />
Drunk with power, he attempted to shout over them, using a loudhailer, but this was short lived.....</p>
<p>A protestor by the name of Derek Dosh, snatched the loudhailer out of Ed Elasticband's hands, and used it to shout all manner of derogatory comments, directly down his ears.</p>
<p>A fight started as Ed Elasticband, tried to snatch the loudhailer, back off Derek Dosh, locking the two men into a punch up outside the Houses of Parliament, in front of over 50,000 millionaires, many of them racially prejudice, who shouted:</p>
<p>"You took the pole out of Polish" </p>
<p>at egotistical Ed Elasticband.</p>
<p>Derek Dosh, tore Ed Elasticbands shirt, and twanged his elasticated braces, so hard, that it bruised the breastbone of Ed Elasticband, whilst Ed Elasticband bashed Derek Dosh, over the head with a clip board, he was carrying his speech on.</p>
<p>Angry police were called in, to try and break up the fight, but they were unable to get through the crowds, and past the rows of helicopters and Rolls Royce's, parked all around the fight sight.</p>
<p>CO19, the special armed police forces, were called out from Scotland Yard, to try and help, but by the time they arrived on the scene, the fight had got worse, with other protestors pitching in.</p>
<p>Ed Elasticband, was bashed over the head, with gold bars, by many angry protestors, many wanting to inflict brain damage onto Ed Elasticband, in a bid to damage, his hugely swollen, ego, beyond repair. </p>
<p>Ed Elasticband, tried to hit back, but was overpowered, and left cowering, underneath thousands of increasingly angry protestors.</p>
<p>Eventually CO19 police officers, had to use brute force, to penetrate the crowds of protestors, in order, to get at, Ed Elasticband, who was eventually taken to hospital, to be put back on an ego-support machine, made especially, for his huge ego, after he sustained head injuries, which were considered harmful enough, to have put his inflamed ego at risk.</p>
<p>Doctors feel that it will be touch and go for the next 48 hours, amidst no donors being sought, for a replacement ego, as Ed Elasticband's ego, is far too large, to have any chance of replacing.</p>
<p>The angry protesting millionaires, were told to go back home, and not come back unless Ed Elasticband, tries to pass another ridiculous motion in Parliament. </p>
<p>The police charged no-one with affray, as it was considered pointless, since most of them could afford the best lawyers to get them off in court anyway.</p>
<p>David Elasticband, and his mother, have been at Ed Elasticband's bedside at the hospital since he was admitted. </p>
<p>His mother has had to miss a pole dancing lesson to be there, whilst David has missed out on going to see another new Thomas the Tank Engine film, at the cinema, with his children.</p>
<p>More news later, watch this space.... minus Ed's Ego.
</p>