Wednesday, October 13, 2004

How to behave in a movie theater

1. Shut the fuck up. No, seriously…shut the fuck up. As soon as you walk into the theater, no matter how early you are, you should lower your voice to a whisper. As a matter of fact, that goes for anytime you enter an enclosed public space.

2. Don’t you dare sit in front of me, unless you have to. Don’t be that jackass that stands there and surveys an entire empty theater and then decides to come sit right in front of me. I will get up, walk to the row in front of you, and return the favor. I’m THAT petty.

3. If you’re going to be getting up and down a lot, sit your silly ass on the aisle.

4. Keep your comments to yourself. Don’t yell out anything at the screen if there’s a horrible trailer on. We all know it looks bad, we don’t need you to add your commentary. Chances are your lame comment is still much worse than anything being uttered in the trailer for “Chill Factor”.

5. Shut the fuck up. It’s worth repeating.

6. You can save seats if you want to, but if I come in the theater and it’s the only seat left, I’m sitting my black ass down. Especially if you’re white.

7. No, I’m not going to scoot over so you and your friend can sit next to each other. Maybe if it’s the absolute last seat in the theater, otherwise your ass should have gotten there earlier.

8. Leave your baby at home. If you can’t get a babysitter, then you need to get pay per view.

9. If you’re sitting behind someone and feel you must put your feet on the seat in front of you, at least have the common courtesy to hold your position. Don’t keep re-adjusting your feet or kicking the seat in front of you. This may surprise you, but the people in front of you can actually feel that.

10. Teenagers. Unless you are in my immediate family, I hate you already. Don’t give me any more ammunition. If you want to giggle, throw shit, talk loud, and just make a nuisance of yourself, go hang out at the food court in the mall. And pull up your pants.