Whew! Now that the vocabulary lesson is over, we can move on to the other basics of life in high society (suh SI uh TEE), which is of course where we all aspire to be. Maybe not as much as Jan Darling, a former airline stewardess who spent years compiling all the tidbits included in her new book, Outclassing the Competition: The Up & Comer's Guide to Social Survival (St. Martin's Press. $14.95 hardcover).

''I was never a debutante,'' said Darling (her pen name). ''But all my friends were. I went to a high school in Houston that was full of millionaires. I realized early on that they knew something I didn't.''

Like, for instance, what to wear when traveling on a private jet. Don't bring a bulky coat, she says (unless it's a really exquisite fur you can't live without -- and who could?). Do wear low-heeled shoes in case you have to crawl over someone. Men, save the black tie for the ocean cruise.

For everyday tooling about town, she says, ''a debonair man would sooner trade his Lamborghini for a Corvair than be caught wearing lavender, turquoise, mint green or hot pink.'' Hmmm . . . it seems that only slobs watch Miami Vice. Instead, she says, a smoothie should wear only khaki, beige, brown, navy, black, gray and other somber shades. He can occasionally wear red and yellow, but only above the waist!

Once you've decked yourself out in the ''Daddy has money look,'' you may run the risk of having nowhere to go. Not to worry. Darling has that figured out, too. Once you've pulled on your (GOO chee) loafers, you should head straight for the country club, where with any luck there will be a croquet game or, even better, a polo match. You may applaud quietly and, during intermission, might be asked to ''step down divots'' with the aforementioned (GOO chees).

From there, it's off to the ballet (bahl AY), with perhaps a cocktail party and a photo session in between (''Men will need some light powder to combat shine''). You might have time for dinner, but only if you prepared the rack of lamb and pink cucumber soup ahead of time. Tea is probably a better idea.

There are chapters devoted to wine selection, gift-buying for the person who has everything, and a moment-by-moment guide to giving a fancy dinner party. For this, you should start preparing two weeks ahead, says Darling. Invite a mixed crowd -- perhaps an artist, a salesperson, a TV-news anchor and the master of your hunt. Feed them a five-course meal that cost maybe a week's salary. When they leave, extend your hand to be kissed. Breathily whisper ''au revoir'' (oh ruh VWAHR).