Following a frantic last 48 hours of shuttle-diplomacy, Theresa May has finally managed to concede to almost all of the EU negotiators’ demands.

“It wasn’t easy and at any moment there was a danger I might not give in.” explained an obviously tired Prime Minister “Of course I could have agreed these terms months ago but I’m no pushover, so I held out to the last minute before caving in.”

Mrs May says it’s time to move onto thrashing out the terms of the UK’s final surrender, which will happen at noon on the deadline day.

A Downing Street spokesperson clarified that, contrary to rumours circulating in the ‘Westminster village’, the terms Mrs May had signed up to weren’t all dictated by the EU.

“That’s altogether too simplistic an assessment, if I may say so. As is so often the case, the true situation is much more nuanced. Some of the terms Mrs May agreed to were dictated by the DUP”.