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This means it’s time to read ‘Where Are These Guys (and Girls!) Now?” As always, you may be treated like royalty when you come back to campus, but it doesn’t mean you won’t get solitary confinement in Dennison from me.

We have a guest writer this week to help dig up some dirt on the Wolverines of yesteryear outside of the sporting realm. For this, Bethany, you get a sports byline in the Daily.

We start the parade with comeback story, Chad Henne. The former Michigan quarterback was relegated to Dennison a few weeks back after stinking up the joint in relief of starter Blaine Gabbert in a dismal loss to the Oakland Raiders. This week, light from the heavens shone upon Houston and more specifically, Henne’s right arm. Though he completed less than half of his passes, all of his numbers were on point, and he almost led the Jaguars to a massive upset victory over the one-loss Texans. For your reversal of fortune, Chad, you guess correctly on half your exam questions.

When we last checked in on former Michigan point guard Darius Morris, he was seeing more playing time with the Lakers due to an injury to starter Steve Nash. Well, guess what? Backup point guard Steve Blake got injured too. This leaves our protagonist as the only remaining capable point guard. Morris has gotten the last three starts for the Lakers who, coincidentally and ignoring correlation without causation, just pulled even at 5-5. Morris hit the skids in his first start, missing all five field goals and converting just one of four free throws. But Sunday, all went right for Morris in a win over the Rockets. He scored a career-high 12 points, tallied five assists and grabbed two steals, clinging to that starting spot until health finds the fallen Laker point guards. For your fleeting glory, Darius, you get shown on the jumbotron at Michigan Stadium.

Take it away, Bethany:

Hey you. Yes, you! Sorry you probably couldn’t hear me with those headphones on. If you can kindly pause your iPod, I can tell you a little bit about the man who designed that shining beacon of musical splendor resting in your palm. Tony Fadell, former senior vice president of the iPod division of Apple Inc., is now moving on to bigger and better things — designing a high-tech electronic thermostat called The Nest.

While Americans likely won’t be lining up en masse outside a Best Buy to get their hands on a thermostat this Black Friday, you have to hand it to the man who not only helped revolutionize the personal music experience, but propelled many an athlete to greatness. The first song I ever purchased on iTunes was, I kid you not, Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger.” The tune that inspired Rocky Balboa’s victory (and some mediocre personal-best mile times in my high school track races) has got to be up there as one of the best pump-up tunes of all-time, a significant statement for the owner of Jock Jams volumes 1-5. Thanks to Fadell, gems like “Eye of the Tiger” are always just a mere finger tap away, so we can truly rise up to the challenge of our rivals without being encumbered with compact discs or bulky Walkmen. For his technological prowess and devotion to the transformation of the pregame ritual, I give this former Psi Upsilon brother some Beats by Dre headphones etched with engineering formulas.

Madonna — the bearer of arms fierce enough to take Michelle Obama in an arm wrestling match — recently sold her New York City apartment for $23.5 million and posed naked for an advertisement for her new fragrance, all at the ripe age of 54. I wonder what her ex-beau, Alex Rodriguez, would think about all of this? I, for one, think the two should reunite and take a visit to Madonna’s alma mater (of about a year, but hey, who’s counting?) for a bite to eat at Zingerman’s Delicatessen, where the major leaguer stopped this past summer. To fuel Madonna’s arm-strengthening workouts, and dull A-Rod’s lingering pain for being swept by the Detroit Tigers in the ALCS this fall, I give them both a big, fat reuben sandwich.

Given that school will be closed in two days, no one gets solitary confinement in Dennison. We may be strict here, but we’re not cruel. We don’t need anyone locked inside that building during the holiday break. Rejoice, Wolverines!