Monday, July 5, 2010

Happy Birthday, USA.

I so partied like a typical American this weekend. High fructose corn syrup is coursing through my veins.

Not only have I fallen off the wagon, I'm so far down I'm eating dirt. I'm so down I can see the underbelly of this wagon, and it's a scary, swollen, hot and bothered belly (possibly lactose intolerant. Thank you homemade ice cream!)

Saturday morning I felt strong and in control after my workout despite the intense heat. Then, at a rooftop party on Saturday night, I was like, KFB what? Sure, I stuck with the veggie dishes first. Then, I didn't.

There were some snickers from friends (so how's that diet going?) as I consumed the following: brownies, cookies, chocolate cake, ice cream, and let's not forget the sangria. There might have been more. Sunday, I woke up feeling like a sugar truck had just run me over and stolen my brain. I was so foggy, so thirsty. So what did I do at a friend's BBQ that afternoon? That's right, round 2! Corona (Cerveza Mas Fina, indeed), ice cream, the works.

More regret this morning, and sluggishness from the heat. I'm sucking on an ice cube, trying to stay positive about how I can learn from these unhealthy few days.

Truthfully, I'm plain ashamed and depressed. And wondering why I can't get a handle on temptations this time around...

5 comments:

Me too! Me too! I mean, I was at that same rooftop party. Tortilla chips—get in my belly! Geez louise. WHAT is going on?? It's going to take, like, 2 weeks to get back to where I was 2 weeks ago...if I'm lucky. There's peanut butter in the house again...

If you learn something, clue me in...b/c right now, I can't even get to where I want to think on it. I eat at it instead. Where is Geneen Roth when we need her??

Oh, the wagon. I kind of hate the wagon metaphor. Personally, I think life without occasional pig-outs on brownies and ice cream is not worth living. The key is occasional. Yeah, there's a cost the next day, but sometimes it's worth it!

The whole Round 2 thing is so instructive, though--it really shows how quickly the body starts to crave the crap. I think that's the part that really matters. It's fine to say, "Hey! It's the Fourth of July!" (or Thanksgiving, or your birthday, or whatever), and just eat the fun food. The key is to stop after that day.

It can also help if you try hard to eat *normal* amounts of the junk--don't see "free" day as "free-for-all" day and eat seven brownies. Not that I've ever done that or anything.

I think it all comes back to mindfulness. Intentionally choosing to drink beer and eat brownies because, hey, sometimes food is for celebration as well as nourishment. Intentionally choosing to stop at X beers and Y brownies. Intentionally eating salmon and greens the next day.

Tell me about it! There are moments that I feel like a big screw-up by eating something that it not on the KFB menu -- and then I rationalize it because I'm leaner and meaner than I was before. Then I go back to screw-up because I'm rationalizing.

The Kung Fu Body

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