I’ve spent a couple of weeks in a “spiritual slump,” feeling like my ego had largely reasserted control. Over the past several days, I’ve been feeling steadily better.

I received an email newsletter a couple of days ago that helped a lot. It was from Mechthild Ruggier, who used to be a Sedona Method instructor. In the letter, she says, “…[the Sedona Method] is also a method and as such it reinforces the belief that ‘the more you release the freer you get.’ This keeps you in a never ending cycle of releasing to gain more freedom, happiness, success, whatever, always looking to the future.”

As it turns out, this is exactly what I needed to hear. I follow a Sedona Method message board, and people there often talk about exactly that: releasing for hours at a time to get further freedom. I’ve tried releasing for hours at a time, and each time I became frustrated that it didn’t seem to make much difference.

Ruggier’s message made me realize what I should have known before: I was releasing to change things, make myself freer, and improve my life. As much as I spent time letting go of “wanting control,” the whole point of the exercise for me was to change myself. And I would get sucked into the idea of spending more time releasing so I could change myself faster – i.e., I released more because I wanted more control!

A Course In Miracles Lesson 110, “I am as God created me,” also helped me with this realization. Trying to change “me” is a fruitless exercise. The “me” that matters is unchanging and perfect.

The Sedona Method includes many exercises to let go of the stories that keep us separate, and I still find it useful for this. Where I went wrong was to believe the hype and testimonials: that using the Method would make me and my life better. In many ways it has made my life better. However, using it for that reason is ultimately self-defeating, another ego trap of wanting control.