well , to be fair , Jesus committed suicide. That isn't really murder , is it? Self murder? The bible doesn't mention anything about suicide does it? I even read an argument from Bart Ehrman that suicide was actually acceptable and better yet , encouraged from early Christians...

Jesus committed suicide? That is one interpretation allowed by the half-god/half-man nature of Christ, I suppose. Though is it really suicide if the dude knows he's coming back to life in three days, then getting promoted to Ruler of the Universe? It's the same problem I have with the supposed sacrifice of Jesus on the cross. Not only is the transaction of sin from the guilty (most of whom had not been born yet to commit their "crimes") to the innocent impossible, there cannot really be said to have been a sacrifice, since Jesus was never in any real danger. He died, he came back, now he's God. Big sacrifice there. Thanks a ton, Jesus.

Every religion in itself is harmful, not only Christianity,but all religions that are another manifestation of tribalism and enemy posing to those outside. The myth of Jesus is taken from other religions that predate Christianity. These ideas are introduced to control the minds of people, religion being a form of political ideology. You can separate the person from the delusional ideology. Your assessment of "enforced love" is accurate and you see correctly the immorality of Christianity.

The problem with adhering to the notion of an "afterlife", unsubstantiated by science, is that not enough importance is given to the present life that is rich and wonderful. An "afterlife" is a deception given to control your behavior through carrot and stick.

There can be no "logic" inherent in the beliefs surrounding the myths of Jesus. These are "folk tales" altered and variegated through times as are superstitious beliefs.

As to reputed motivations given to why the mythical Jesus acted one way or another, you have to see who benefits (cui bono?) from these myths and why they were perpetrated.

As we move past the prison of religious jail cells, we can study the history of it which in the larger sense gives us an insight into human behavior and the functioning of the brain, why we limit ourselves to destructive ideologies, refuse to see what makes us uncomfortable. Mythology might serve a function if it is recognized as such, as Joseph Campbell claims, but to allow it to be considered factual is dangerous.

The comparison of Jesus to the unfortunate homeless is not a good idea. They (the homeless) didn't exactly pick their way of life by having a consensual relationship to a nonexistent ideological god. They are a product of the degeneration of society. You can't look for consistent and logical behavior from a mythical product of folklore because the myth is subject to much revision and reinterpretation.

I would suggest Buddism to you. They believe your memories die, but through reincarnation your conciessness and "soul" live on. I don't consider myself a buddist, but many of their values are good. I don't think it will convert you, but their beliefs are based on experience of the world and wisdom, not faith. It's worth looking into even if you don't accept it as true.