HAVING A FITNESS!

A Really Buff Sunday Funnies Look at Health and Fitness.

Hello again, all!
It's that time of year again when many of us are thinking
about dropping a couple of pounds and exercising more. Lack of
exercise can be a real problem here in the north, where cold
weather keeps us inside more in winter. At least, that's
reasonably good excuse... Being healthy is one thing, but it
doesn't seem such a good idea to get obsessed with it. A slang
expression that has recently become popular lately is "body
nazis", meaning people who are so into their own fitness regimen
that they can't even stand to be around people who aren't as buff
as they are.
Thanks this week to: Libin He, Peter Adler, Jerry Taff, Bob
Martens, Howard Lesniak, Helen Yee, Kerry Miller and Caterina
Sukup. Now, let's pump it up and see how many reps we can do...
Have a great week!

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IS THE POLITICAL FAT CAT AN ENDANGERED SPECIES?
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They may both be political heavyweights, but both President
Bill Clinton and House Speaker Newt Gingrich throw a little less
weight around these days. Oh, they still have the same political
clout as ever, it's just that both of them have knocked off a few
pounds over the last year.
Though they hardly ever seem to agree on anything else, both
men said that they were doing their dieting by passing up
desserts and fast food and exercising more.
Who's the winner in this battle of the bulge? Well, the new
spirit of political cooperation continues; both men have lost
about 25 pounds. The First Dieter is just a bit ahead overall,
though, as Gingrich is still a 25 pounds heavier than the
President, who now weights in at an even 200 pounds. (Reuter)
[ Would that be a leaner, gentler America? ]
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TIRED OF DIETING?
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Even the tubby Michelin Man, the hundred-year-old
advertising symbol of the French tire company, is going on a
diet. He will still look like a stack of tires with arms and
legs, but he will soon appear in a newer, more slender version.
The famous corporate symbol has changed appearance many times
since it's introduction in 1898, but his waistline has always
been a little - ah - inflated. The new, buff Michelin man will
begin appearing in ads later this year. (Reuters)
[ Pretty easy for him to deflate a little... ]
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HEY, WHAT'S THAT BROWN STUFF?
----------------------------
Have trouble staying away from snacks while dieting? Janet
Merel of Deerfield, Illinois has one answer. Her company
recently introduced a product called - ready for this - Diet
Dirt. It's a sterilized soil (like potting soil) that can be
sprinkled over french fries, cake and ice cream to make them less
palatable. The stuff is ten pounds a bag.
[ What makes that different from most other
health food? ]
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HAS TO MAKE YOU WONDER...
----------------------
A recent advertising coupon in national magazines offered a
Free 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke. That's good, since it has 71
fewer calories per serving than the regular stuff. On the other
hand, to get the free soda, you had to buy Fisher mixed nuts (170
calories per serving), Duncan Hines cookies (110 calories) and
Pringle's potato chips (170 calories). (Consumer Reports)
[ Guess that makes FREE an inflated price. ]
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NO WONDER IT WAS A SECRET RECIPE...
--------------------------------
What is it that contains: Apple Juice Concentrate, Ascorbic
Acid (Vitamin C), Beet Juice Concentrate, Butter, Caramel Color,
Carrot Oil, Chocolate, Coffee, Corn Oil, Modified Food Starch,
Lemon and Lime Oils, Malt and Malt Extract, Maple Syrup, Nutmeg
Powder, Sugars, Vinegar, Water, Wheat Flour and Yeast? You
probably wouldn't have guessed that it's American-made
cigarettes. Under extreme legal pressure last year, the
cigarette makers finally released a list of ingredients, and
there were more than a few surprises. The ingredients listed
above are just the more food-like ones, of course. Many of the
600 ingredients read like the chemical description of a toxic
waste dump: 6-Acetoxydihydrotheaspirane, Sodium Hydroxide,
2,4-Dimethylacetophenone, and the charming
4(2-Butenylidene)-3,5,5-Trimethyl-2-Cyclohexen-1-One. SUNFUN's
consulting chemist suspects that many of these are present only
in trace amounts, so it's likely that none of the ingredients
listed are more toxic than nicotine.
"Differing ingredients determine taste and other
characteristics," Liggett Group spokeswoman Peggy Carter said,
"It's what makes a Coke different from a Pepsi." (AP)
[ Or drain cleaner taste different from
antifreeze, for that matter. ]
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SMART COOKIES?
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As research to try to figure out which foods energize the
brain, Japanese inventor Yoshiro Nakamata took photographs of
every meal he ate over 30 years. Based on that research, he
claims that his "Yummi Nutri Brain Biscuits" make people smarter
and, in conjunction with exercise and sex, will stretch life
expectancy to "144 years."
Among Dr. Nakamata's earlier inventions are spring-loaded
jogging shoes and a sex toy called the Love-Jet. (The Economist)
[ You get the feeling that the doc's ideas
sound a few fries short of a happy meal. ]
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ODDS MAN OUT?
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Former factory worker Ernie Bailey, 63, was just out to
enjoy himself. He'd won 11 million pounds (US $18.6 million) in
the British lottery, so he quit his factory job and moved into a
luxury apartment in London. There the 140kg (310 lbs) Bailey
enjoyed himself with cigarettes, take-out food, video movies and
no exercise. He lasted 20 months.
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THE CASE OF THE GIGGLING GURU
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India is a very funny place - at least it is these days, as
over 100 "laughing clubs" have sprung up based on the philosophy
of yoga instructor Dr. Madan Kataria. After conventional yoga
exercises, the students work up from silent laughs all the way to
the roaring, full-out "Bombay laugh." Kataria claims that the
combination of breathing and laughing exercises can help people
overcome inhibitions, build self-confidence, stop smoking, reduce
high blood pressure, and stop migraine headaches. Dr. Kataria
worries that some day, the government might try to tax laughter.
[ But, for now, the yogi is laughing all the
way to the bank... ]
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CELLING OUT...
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A study published last August in the Journal of the American
Medical Association suggested that the popular diet pills Redux
and Ponidimin may shrink your mind as well as your body. The
study found evidence that the drugs damage serotonin-producing
brain cells, which may disrupt brain functions such as memory.
The study did caution that it had not seen these effects in
humans, only test animals. It did suggest that it might be wiser
to do some jogging instead of relying on chemistry. (Time
Magazine)
[ You don't really lose weight, but you don't
remember to care about it. ]
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POPPING PILLS FOR PUDGY PETS?
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Just as people have become more suspicious of weight loss
claims of quick fix weight loss fads, now comes a new one - diet
pills for pets.
Petkin Pet Care Systems claims their pill will help a tubby
tabby or pudgy pooch to lose as much as three percent of their
body fat in just two weeks. It uses the same ingredients already
used in a popular herbal diet for people. The PetTrim diet pill
is not the first strange pet product developed by company owner
David Goldberg, they also make pet handiwipes and shampoo for
stuffed teddy bears. (Reuters)
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KOSHER KOPS
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In Israel, they take the Jewish dietary laws very seriously.
So seriously that they recently opened a 24-hour hotline for
citizens to report violations by restaurants and other places
where kosher foods are sold.
The laws are very complex, and not all restaurants want to
bother with getting a kosher license. But those that do had
better watch out for Rafi Yochai and the officers of the Chief
Rabbinate. Fines run between $300 and $600.
"The response has been tremendous. I've been busy with
complaints since we launched the hotline," Yochai said.
(REUTERS)
[ "Put the cheeseburger on the floor and move
away from it - slowly!" ]
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ON PINS AND NEEDLES
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Authorities had to rescue an acupuncture patient in
Amsterdam, Netherlands when his doctor forgot about him after
putting in the needles.
The acupuncturist left the office momentarily to attend to a
personal matter and forgot about the punctured patient back at
the office. According to a police spokesman, "The man had been
lying there for more than an hour before he realized everyone had
gone home."
Apparently still satisfied with the forgetful physician, the
patient 49 year-old man made another appointment for further
treatment. (AP)
[ Now that's a patient patient! ]
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WHAT A SWELL JOB!
----------------
For $150, Canadians worried about bad breath can go to the
breath clinic at the University of British Columbia. Though the
clinic uses a variety of scientific methods, the best test is
still having an expert smell when the person exhales. (REUTERS)
[ One of the world's great jobs... ]
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MAYBE IT'S CONTAGIOUS...
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According to Dorland's Illustrated Medical Dictionary (26th
Edition):
witzelsucht (vit'sel-zoocht) [Ger.] "A mental
condition characteristic of frontal lobe lesions and
marked by the making of poor jokes and puns and the
telling of pointless stories, at which the patient
himself is intensely amused."
[ Oh, oh... ]
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