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Topic : 03/30 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

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Created on : Friday, November 17, 2006, 12:52:01 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 11/21/06) Contemporary weddings have turned into five-star productions, with couples pulling out all the stops to shine on their special day. But what happens when the bride- or groom-to-be starts making diva-like demands? Mike and Jamie agreed to a small Vegas wedding, but that went out the window when Jamie switched her gown three times, rented a limo to drive her one block and upgraded her engagement ring. Mike says that Jamie also made him un-invite all of his friends and cancel his bachelor party! Are Jamie’s antics a hint of what’s to come in their marriage? Then, Nastassia complains that her husband-to-be, Richard, is cheap. She says he wants her to buy bridal flowers from the grocery store, have her mom sew her gown and even schedule the wedding before year's end so he can get a tax write-off! Will Richard’s tightwad ways force Nastassia to call off the wedding? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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Wow

My wedding cost less than $150. My dress was hand -made, my decorations bought as seconds and/or hand- made. The food my bridal party made and I had a very nice little wedding in our small church. We've been married 11 years and renewed our vows last year w/ the same pastor (a family friend)

One of my best-friend's in wedding tomorrow and pulling out her hair, it's also costing her a small fortune she can ill afford. One of my other friends has stated on many occasions that out of all the weddings she's been to, mine was the nicest 'cause it was simple and sincere.

I feel for these people 'cause they're bound to remember the stress more than the celebration

Wow, hats off to you, $150.00 dollars, that's a blessing from the Lord!

wedding

In my belief, a wedding should be planned in by both the male and female. If not in agreement, compromise with what you want. That's how married life is like anyways. Planning my wedding went fairly well. Only stress was breaking out with a purple rash (facial) somewhat close to the big day (Luckily, after some days on medication before the wedding, most of it went away) and the rings getting screwed up. It would've been alot harder if hubby was in disagreement since i had other things to worry about. Planning a wedding (Like any event) will have some stress and alot of weddings I've been to haven't been perfect or turned out perfect, but if both compromise and do things, it'll make it easier.

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

My wedding cost less than $150. My dress was hand -made, my decorations bought as seconds and/or hand- made. The food my bridal party made and I had a very nice little wedding in our small church. We've been married 11 years and renewed our vows last year w/ the same pastor (a family friend)

One of my best-friend's in wedding tomorrow and pulling out her hair, it's also costing her a small fortune she can ill afford. One of my other friends has stated on many occasions that out of all the weddings she's been to, mine was the nicest 'cause it was simple and sincere.

I feel for these people 'cause they're bound to remember the stress more than the celebration

Hey girl! Our wedding are very similar. I can't imagine mine cost much more than yours did all together. I made my own dress. I had a friend who was a cake decorator make my cake, we had some slushy punch.

We got married in front of about 20 family and friends, had the ceremony in the same room as everything else. The whole thing lasted about an hour or so...then it was over.

I've been happily married for 7 years and I have a doll of a 2 year old daughter.

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

It may not bother everyone (This is just my opinion), but it really bothers me when a woman upgrades her engagement ring because the one her guy gave her isn't good enough or big enough. Sure, if down the road, they decide to get a better one for an anniversary or when they can afford it, that's better. Much better than when a guy picks one out himself and the woman accepts it, only to be dissappointed on what the guy gives her, so she trades it in for something better. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but Ithat annoys me (I knew someone who actually did that. The guy was dissappointed the ring wasn't big enough for her). I would've accepted anything my husband gave me with a big smile.

I'm not sure why the bride to be on the show upgraded her ring (Since I didn't watch the show yet- just read the description), but thought I'd bring up my opinion on the subject anyways :).

My husband and I don't even have wedding rings. We couldn't afford them when we got married. We are thinking maybe in a few years, on our 10 anniversary, maybe we'll get wedding rings and renew our vows or something...I dunno. Maybe not. I'm really not stressed about it.

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Wow...Where do I start with this story. I've been watching the Dr.Phil show since it started, and I have to say that today was the only time I was shocked at his approach and opinion on the matter. I completely agree that the couple should get counseling to help them with communication and monetary discussions, but why did it feel like there was a byist opinion? I just recently got married about 6 months ago, and I can say that planning a wedding is very stressful ( as many already know). My fiance (at the time) and I only had 2 weeks to get everything ready before we moved to Germany. I personally understand the pressures of having a big elaborate wedding, but because of time complications we decided on a smaller one. My parents paid for the wedding, but everything was very cheap. I was appalled at the way the audience laughed at the soon-to-be groom about his opinions, because I myself had flowers...bought at the grocery store...pictures....done by a family member...food....made from Wal-Mart...music....played from an I-Pod and speakers.... My mother and I even made all the decorations ourselves and printed our invitaions off at the local UPS store. After all that we had a beautiful wedding at our church with 110 guests. I could go on with all the discounted neccesities we recieved for our big day, but my point in writing this was to let people know that a wedding is not about how much you spend on a dress or how big and elaborate the place is...but it's the person you are marrying and the life you will have together. I understand that the wedding specifications meant a lot to the bride-to-be, but the financial aspect meant a lot to the groom as well. Why don't they set a budget on how much they can spend, or better yet compromise on what they will purchase. This seems to me like they should have conversed about their diffences before they decided to plan a wedding. I wish them the best, and I hope that they can overcome this problem.

11/21 Nightmare Brides and Grooms

It may not bother everyone (This is just my opinion), but it really bothers me when a woman upgrades her engagement ring because the one her guy gave her isn't good enough or big enough. Sure, if down the road, they decide to get a better one for an anniversary or when they can afford it, that's better. Much better than when a guy picks one out himself and the woman accepts it, only to be dissappointed on what the guy gives her, so she trades it in for something better. I don't know, maybe it's just me, but Ithat annoys me (I knew someone who actually did that. The guy was dissappointed the ring wasn't big enough for her). I would've accepted anything my husband gave me with a big smile.

I'm not sure why the bride to be on the show upgraded her ring (Since I didn't watch the show yet- just read the description), but thought I'd bring up my opinion on the subject anyways :).

I agree with that! I worked with a girl who went on and on about how she wouldn't settle for less than a three-stone engagement ring. I couldn't believe her. My mother never had an engagement ring at all (they couldn't afford it) and has never missed it; they could afford one now and my father offered to get her one for their 30th anniversary, but she didn't want it (their wedding rings were made out of dental gold, too, by my uncle who is a dentist!). My sister-in-law's was silver and peridot because my brother couldn't afford a diamond, but she loved it. I think she would have taken a pot-metal and glass one out of a gum-ball machine if that had been all he could get her.

I think the whole engagement ring thing is a bit weird, personally. It was originally a sign of a guy's ownership of the woman, and now it seems to be a contest to see how much she can get him to overspend. Whatever happened to it being the sentiment that counts?

AMEN!!

A wedding ceremony is meant to celebrate the couple getting married, the key word is a celebration. A couple needs to spend more time on planning their marriage rather than planning their wedding celebration.

The wedding is the icing on the cake to an already planned out marriage. This doesn' t mean that you plan out every detail of your life together. But what it means is that you have talked about the important issues of your lives and how you will integrate these into each other's lives. If you haven't done this then you can't possibly plan a wedding celebration. Because what will be happening is that you are putting the cart before the horse!

What?

Glad you asked....If you have not discussed the important issues of a marriage together then you will be coming across these issues while planning your wedding celebration and that is where the conflict comes in. Issues will arise, let's just take one for example, finances. You both have different views on finances and how money should be spent, each person has their own definition of what is smart spending and what is a waste of money. If you haven't taken the time to sit down and discuss these issues before you start planning your wedding celebration this is when you will be forced to tackle this issue and that is when you will have conflict especially if you don't agree 100% on this, and most people don't!

What will happen is that everything will become a power struggle and what should have been a pleasant, fun, loving expression of your love for one another becomes a nightmare! It's not that you don't love the person or shouldn't marry the person, you just haven't done your homework to know if you are marrying the right person or how you are going to handle issues that come up in your lives together.

Love is not all about those euphoric feelings that we have when we are dating someone, love is a sacrifice, sacrificing for that person. It's about loving one another by placing that person's needs above your own. If only one person is doing this then the marriage will always be out of balance.

We need to connect to one another, physically, spiritually, emotionally and mentally. This balance is like a four-legged table, if one of these legs is missing then our table will always be wobbly.

The solution is to STOP planning the wedding and GO get some premarital counseling and find out more about this person you are committing to spend the rest of your life with.

Get the help you need NOW before you marry the wrong person!!!

So what if you have already purchased the cake, silverware, wedding gown, paid the DJ, these are just things they can be recouped. When you are talking about matters of the heart there is no price tag to put on a broken heart and a life of misery with someone you never should have married.

Take the time now to get to know your spouse, look at the hard issues of life because they will come up in your marriage and you will have to deal with them. It is better to have a heads up about what your partner thinks about certain subjects before you say I do.

I couldn't have said it any better myself!!

I also have to agree w/purplepenny's assessment of how weddings in general are "over the top," especially considering the average price tag for a wedding is something well over $20,000 (you can buy a new car with that kind of $$ :-) ). freesia's summation of "Matrimania" is right on the mark! The wedding industry has sold the public a bill of goods along the lines of "you, too, can have a wedding just like (fill in the blank of enourmously popular & recently married celebrity)."

I've heard it summarized this way: A wedding is a day, a marriage is a lifetime.

--------------------------------------------

That said, I think both of these "nightmare" folks are just that, Richard in particular. News flash, dude: $498 is CHEAP for a wedding gown (depending on the fabric & trimming, sewing it may or may not really be any cheaper). He seems all too fond of having NASTASSIA's family do the work so HE can "save a few bucks". If they are willing to foot most of the bill, why should he make a stink, unless (as became clear during the conversation) he is a control freak. Memo to Nastassia: Run, don't walk, away from this guy; he won't magically change back to Mr. Warm & Generous after the ceremony.

Nightmare Brides and Grooms

Nastassia you do not even look HAPPY on the show. You look very sad sweatie. If your not happy now do you think your ever really going to be happy with Richard?? Go with what's in your heart. If you can't agree on things now, your headed down a LOOOONG road. You're a very beautiful girl (and a beautiful name, I might add) and surely can find someone who will treat you right and give you what you need (and your big wedding).

And $150 for a wedding...WOW.....and did you get your dream wedding? Are you truly happy with the wedding you got? We spent $50 on ours and after 10 years of marriage I still miss the wedding I never had. As Dr. Phil says a REAL wedding & reception costs an average of $20K. I think you could do a reasonable wedding between $5-10K.

Best wishes Nastassia! I hope the counseling helps Richard. If not, things tend to work out the way they're suppose to. Take Care!

One Big Difference...

Wow...Where do I start with this story. I've been watching the Dr.Phil show since it started, and I have to say that today was the only time I was shocked at his approach and opinion on the matter. I completely agree that the couple should get counseling to help them with communication and monetary discussions, but why did it feel like there was a byist opinion? I just recently got married about 6 months ago, and I can say that planning a wedding is very stressful ( as many already know). My fiance (at the time) and I only had 2 weeks to get everything ready before we moved to Germany. I personally understand the pressures of having a big elaborate wedding, but because of time complications we decided on a smaller one. My parents paid for the wedding, but everything was very cheap. I was appalled at the way the audience laughed at the soon-to-be groom about his opinions, because I myself had flowers...bought at the grocery store...pictures....done by a family member...food....made from Wal-Mart...music....played from an I-Pod and speakers.... My mother and I even made all the decorations ourselves and printed our invitaions off at the local UPS store. After all that we had a beautiful wedding at our church with 110 guests. I could go on with all the discounted neccesities we recieved for our big day, but my point in writing this was to let people know that a wedding is not about how much you spend on a dress or how big and elaborate the place is...but it's the person you are marrying and the life you will have together. I understand that the wedding specifications meant a lot to the bride-to-be, but the financial aspect meant a lot to the groom as well. Why don't they set a budget on how much they can spend, or better yet compromise on what they will purchase. This seems to me like they should have conversed about their diffences before they decided to plan a wedding. I wish them the best, and I hope that they can overcome this problem.

...between you two and today's guests was that you 2 were (apparently) in agreement of the handling of the wedding ceremony, owing to the time constraints. It sounds like you all had a wonderful wedding day. The guest couples clearly had clashing visions for the "big day" that needed to be dealt with before they moved forward.

I can concur about the stress, regardless of the complexity (or lack thereof) of the festivities. My 2nd husband & I were married 6 1/2 years ago, had several months to plan the wedding (a relatively small guest list & simple ceremony/reception), and still ran into our share of snafus. Of course, we did all the legwork & arranging ourselves (no high-priced "wedding coordinator"), were looking to buy a house, and both had full-time jobs...

...long story short, things fell into place, our budget was well below the average, and it was a very special celebration, in spite of Murphy's Law running rampant on the day itself (that's another story altogether :-) ).