Since I am pretty sure about only ten people will read this due to everybody either waiting for Hunger Games or the results of the Duncan Keith suspension hearing, I will not bother with the elaborate intro paragraph I had initially planned. There were jokes, insightful thoughts, argumentative commentaries, mathematical theories, new iPhone concepts, several animal guests (Keith Ballard’s dog George was on hand) and of course, the infamous “Flaming Hockey and Shards of Glass thrown at Duncan Keith’s Head” trick that I have been perfecting the last 48 hours (I have the burn marks and cuts to prove it). But that has all been cancelled now because YOU were too selfish and just had to find out what happened to Keith. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Let’s move onto the game, shall we?

What Happened:

Canucks 2 Stars 1

This game had a playoff type feel to it, owing mostly to the fact that Dallas is still trying to cement its position in the West, and because Vancouver is still super angry over the Daniel hit. As a result, it was a tight checking affair between both teams, with about approximately 52 post whistle scrums, 98 face washes, 123 insults traded, and three Kevin Bieksa Vernon Fiddler impressions. The thing that stood out for me was how angry Mike Ribeiro can get and just how bad he is at being angry, and how Cory Schneider should never ever play the puck. Ever. Canucks managed to hold on for the close one goal victory.

Highlight of the Game:

If Dallas had good fans that knew how to upload videos, the highlight of the game would have been Schneider’s awful giveaway that led to the Stars only goal. Alas only Vancouver fans are on the ball when it comes to getting highlights online, and they tend to not upload goals scored against us (shocking, I know.) So instead of publicly shaming Schneider like I wanted to, we shall instead publicly shame Mike Ribeiro for being denied by Schneider on a penalty shot. SHAME! SHAME! SHAME!

– Sheldon Souray takes penalties better than anybody in the league. When he gets thrown in the box he sits in there very upright, perfect posture, and with a calm look on his face, without a hint of anger. Ben Eager should take lessons from him. Sheldon Souray would never smash a camera Ben.

– Steve Ott was terribly unimpressed throughout the period. He did not get any goals, nor did he hit anybody into the boards from behind. This does not make Ott happy.

– Schndeider was really good in tonight’s game. You can tell when a goalie is having a good game by the amount of times I go “OH SNAP!” and have to rewind the PVR to re-watch a save. This happened 7 times tonight. Though to be fair, one of those times was to watch the “Attempt to play the puck that shall not be named”…..

– I am pretty sure there was a girl wearing a “Sedin Sisters” themed t-shirt behind one of the benches. I assume this was Danielletta Sedin, the much less talked about third twin, because a person certainly wouldn’t be using a tired Sedin Sister joke at this point in time.

– Raymond had two points and pretty much had himself a fantastic game. The kind of game where Thomas Drance gets to pat himself on the back and scream at Twitter “I WARNED YOU! I WARNED YOU ALL!” The most amazing thing about Raymond the last couple of days has been the lack of falling. I am pretty sure they have duct taped two wooden sticks to the sides of his legs so he doesn’t fall as much.

– The anger from Chicago was flown in to Dallas for the game tonight, that was nice to see. The Canucks actually managed to match the intensity of another team for once, which alas led to Steve Ott being so unimpressed he expressed himself in a crass manner.

– I love HD TV. HD TV allows you to see things you normally wouldn’t see. For instance, did you know that at one point during the game, Henrik looked make a pass to Daniel, and when he realized he wasn’t there, he shed a single tear?

– Kesler didn’t do a stick tap in the first period, I was shocked. How else is he going to trick the other team into passing him the puck all the time?? I mean, when it works. One day it will work.

– Dale Weise is still a terrible fighter but can take a punch well. He got nailed by Dowell he took it and kept on going at him. He deserves a frantic Ryan Kesler stick tap for that.

– Random aside, as I was watching highlights of the Penguins game, after Malkin scored on one play, people in the crowd hugged. Is that something I should be doing for regular season goals? Did I miss a memo?

– Props to the dude rocking the Pavel Bure #96 third jersey in the crowd last night. A frantic Kesler stick tap to you, my friend.

– Speaking of stick taps, Hansen apparently wants in on this action. He totally stole Kesler’s stick tap of urgency. He even used the “I’M ABOUT TO DIE IF YOU DONT PASS ME THE PUCK RIGHT NOW” stick tap which is only supposed to be used in the playoffs or in exhibition games in Japan. (Little know fact, Scott Walker used this stick tap to score the Canucks first goal in Japan.)

– Raymond made somebody ELSE fall during the game tonight. What is this, I don’t even…..

– Kesler REALLY believes in the power of his wrist shot. I enjoy watching him wind up from his own end because I try and guess where he will take his shot from next. “Beside the players bench….no wait, from behind the net…..no wait, from just outside the blue line. Ah yes, just outside the blue line.”

– No one is better at the surprise power move to the net then Lapierre. He never scores on it though. “Ohhh….Ohhhhhhh…OOOOOOOH…..s***” is how I sound every time I watch him try and score.

– Ribeiro being stoned by Schneider on the penalty shot made me happy. Riberio was so sad when he didnt score that he had to take a breather and consider the choices he made in life behind the net.

– Steve OTT was REALLY not impressed when Burrows put the puck in the empty net on the delayed penalty call. He bordered on sad. (Props to Burrows for being a dink, because if it makes me laugh, it’s a good thing to do.)

“Why would you do that Alex?”

– Dallas Stars fans stand up ALL THE TIME. I mentioned this in the Rock Review, but seriously, every other play they are standing up for something. Not that I’m complaining, I actually enjoyed it, it makes the game seem far more exciting than it actually is. I am pretty sure Minnesota needs to take this up and stand up every time they ice the puck, it might make their games more watchable.

– Steve Ott is really good at finding ways to not get into a fight. At one point there was a scrum in Vancouver’s end and you should have seen Ott dodge and weave his way away from the Canucks like he was Neo dodging bullets. At one point he turned away from the scrum and just started talking to his bench, the old “Oh hold on, I’ve got a call” move. “You want to fight me Bieksa? You want to go?? Oh wait, hold on, Coach wants to talk to me.”

– Mike Ribeiro and Marc Anthony are the same person.

– Michael Ryder got his nose bloodied. THAT WAS FOR LAST YEAR.

– NEVER LEAVE YOUR NET. NEVER LEAVE YOUR NET. NEVER LEAVE YOUR NET. This is what all fans should scream at Schneider every time he leaves his net. Honestly, NOTHING good has ever occurred from Schneider leaving his net. He could be in net and a nuclear bomb could be about to go off, and the only person who could stop it would be Schneider. All he had to do to stop a massive catastrophe was skate ten feet from his net to press a button. I would STILL think to myself “Hold on there big guy, maybe you should stay in your net….” That is how bad Schneider is out of his net.

– At one point Adam Burish got checked into the bench and Kassian snuck out and grabbed on to his jersey and wouldn’t let go of it. Again, file this under “If it makes me laugh, it’s ok to do.”

– Marc Anthony Ribeiro was losing his mind last night. Screaming at officials, yelling at Canucks, and taking runs at Canucks as well. And by taking a run I mean showcasing just how bad he is at body checking. At one point he ran at a Canuck, jumped (His skates left the ice) and he bounced harmlessly off of the Canuck. He makes Mason Raymond seem like Scott Stevens out there.

OK, that’s it, go back to waiting for the Duncan Keith results! Go on! Get out of here!

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