Recently, I read an article discussing whether or not gender equality had changed the rules on who should pay on a date. Like the author, I also grew up thinking that when I was older and dating, the man would automatically pay for the first date, and probably any future dates. It was his responsibility assigned to him by gender, right?

National student loan debt has surpassed $1 trillion, topping credit card debt for the first time and has prompted new calls for a student debt bailout. At the same time, marriage and birthrates are falling, while the average age people tie the knot is inching ever upward.

I confess that I have trouble sleeping if I don’t have an orgasm that night. It usually doesn’t even matter if I got off in the morning, or if we had sex four hours before bedtime. If my body has already gotten over the endorphins, I have trouble sleeping.

Getting over a master is never easy. One must first decide they’re ready to move on, and then set their mind and mood for catharsis and deprogramming. Yes, we said deprogramming. Read on to understand why.

My wife is a tremendous person. She works very hard in her career, and takes her roles as wife, mother and friend just as seriously. I try to make sure she knows how much I appreciate her during all months, but especially in May, and on Mother’s Day, I take time to make sure she truly feels appreciated.

Among the more persistent illusions non-kink identified people have about the pervert milieu is that we kinksters live in some sort of rarified place where protocols reign supreme, and those who would call themselves masters lounge about being waited on by doting droves of swooning slaves.

Being the wife of a truck driver is a extremely challenging task. It takes a lot of patience because you are usually the only person that they have to vent to when they have a bad day or there is a troubling situation.

So this month’s theme here at SexIs is all about expressions of love. I think the most obvious way to show your love for someone is to tell them. Unfortunately, it’s also one of the hardest things to do as well.

Its meaning to us, as individuals, is as unique as snowflakes. No one person’s definition of it is going to be exactly the same. In the same way we think about and define love, we also have diverse ways of showing it.

As the author of a column called “Devil’s Advocate” I’m no stranger to causing controversy, but I was genuinely astonished that what I thought was an innocent comment ended up “offending” so many people when I posted it on Facebook.

There is a lot of talk about the importance of self love, and I’m not just talking about masturbation. How many times have you heard the following platitudes (often when you’re single and miserable, and wish people would just shut up):

My journey was not the most common, but I believe it made me the best I can be. It was an odd progression of finding my own way early on, dotted with self-education, and topped off with a healthy dose of rigid, formal education.

I tried incorporating things into the sexual activities with my lost love. He unenthusiastically obliged and never gave it any full effort. It’s not something I want to ever feel like someone is doing only to satisfy me. I want them to do it because they enjoy it, as well.

In order to prepare for Valentine’s The Bloggess shares with us some of the worst and most awesome cards you can give out. Feel free to print and use on people you’d like to never see again or who have very good senses of humor.

Everybody makes jokes about how once you get married, you stop having sex, but it's really no joke when a couple struggles with issues that prevent them from having a satisfying sex life or in the case of some couples, any sex life at all.

The biggest thing I learned about sex in 2011 is that, like life, it's unpredictable. Every time I thought I had a handle on my desire(s), on what I'm looking for, and not looking for, the universe threw me a curve, a challenge, a dare. I was engaged in a power play scene with the universe and it was my master, big time.

As I look back on 2011, I realize one thing I’ve come to understand more this year is that our society is a lot more prudish than we like to think it is. First let me say that I think everyone should have a clear idea of what's right for them when it comes to sex. Navigating how and when and why you're getting it on is important; telling other people what to do, however, is offensive.

There is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

Passing around those sad or disturbing emails people receive after disastrous dating situations seems like it's all in good fun — but isn't it important to remember there's someone out there who perhaps needs some advice on how to accept rejection with grace, dignity and a little less sociopath-like decorum?

What do you do if you hate sex, but still want a relationship? is it normal to want nothing to do with sex? Is it possible to find a companion who can accept this or perhaps even shares your lack of desire?

There is no one rulebook for how to do this thing we call BDSM, Power-Exchange, Master/Slave relationships, etc., etc. One of the things I most enjoy about perverts is our limitless capacity to forge our own damn path, thank you very much! I’ve done a lot of weed-whacking through the jungles of kink in order to find ways that work for me.

Why are the smallest words in our language the hardest to say? When looked at impassionately, these opposing tiny words are easy to write and say. They practically draw no attention; that is until we add emotion. Then they can become almost impossible to use. What are we talking about? The words that compose the shortest sentences in our language: “Yes”, and “No.”

When you look at “Power Exchange” relationships – that is, relationships that are based on someone giving over control of some facet (or all aspects!) of their lives to another person – it seems obvious whose needs, wants and desires come first. The master over the slave, the dominant over the submissive, top over the bottom.

When you find it, the desire to jump into the deep end of the BDSM pool can be irresistible. The excitement of new found friends, playmates and activities can drive a submissive off track and into dangerous situations for mind, body and soul. In this letter to my submissive friends, I offer some advice to avoid the pitfalls during your adventures.

Shopping for a potential mate and a potential sperm donor involves evaluation of very different sets of information. When choosing the DNA material to pair with yours to create a child, what's really important and how does it different from choosing a potential life partner?

Let’s spend a moment on Oral Sex. We don’t mean the licking, slurping, sucking kind; although we love that kind too! We mean opening up your soft, warm lips and sending luscious vibrations through those little white chords that say, “I want you to fuck me. Slow. Fast. Long. Hard.” And, “Please, make it hurt… just a little.” Want to talk about that? We do.

Kim Kardashian threw a lavish multi million dollar wedding, only to divorce two months later. The gossip has prompted a wave of tweets along the lines of... “tell me again why the sanctity of marriage is threatened by gays?” But I ask, has marriage ever had sanctity?

Age has been on my mind since I'm about to turn 36 on November 10th. I'm often told I don't look my age, and I certainly don't feel my age, but I can't deny that what I want out of sex and relationships has changed since I was 26, and even from when I was 30. Sometimes I think the older I get, the less I know about how sex works — not so much the physical side, but the rest of it.

I date a lot of musicians. And by date, it usually goes like, "Hey, I like your style. Wanna go out?" We then got to a handful of shows and parties at which I'm one of the oldest women there, we get crazy drunk, we have sex, then we become friends. That's because I have trouble finding a way to be the kind of girlfriend a musician needs.

These days, you don't really have to go on a first date with a total stranger. You can Google, you can hunt them down on dating review sites, you can get a glimpse into who they are before you ever get a glimpse of them at all. But is this really the best way to get to know someone, or the most accurate for that matter?

This is, at a basic level, the narrative of cats. Were it not for experiments on felines that led to the discovery of oxytocin, we might disregard sacrifices from the animal world that have taught us about human sexual relationships.

Readers are always asking us this question, and the masturbator in question is pretty much always a man. Sometimes his female partner writes to us, asking if she's right to feel cheated on. Other times the man himself writes to us, asking why his partner can't understand how benign his porn masturbation habit really is.

You've considered it. Maybe you've even talked about it, but how do you actually go about opening your relationship to include other people? The direction and design depend on you, but there are important principles to keep in mind to ensure success.

Do you feel positive emotions when you hear the word “No?” If kink is your preference, you may have eroticized this word but taken out of the context of role-play, the word probably still causes you to wince. “No” signals that you may not get something you want and that is rarely cause for celebration.

So, I guess you could say that I haven't been myself lately. This month has been consumed with trying to hold myself together through a really ridiculous break up. It's been confusing and messy and I've been a nutcase.

Because love and sex don’t come from a bartender, dealer or pharmacy (unless you’re banging the bartender, dealer or pharmacist) we often don’t give their chemical powers the fearsome credit we give to drugs we can see. But they do trigger chemicals and those chemicals wield a crazy amount of power.

Seeking new connections through kinky social networking sites can be fraught with drama, dissatisfaction and potentially danger. Keeping a few important tips in mind can help improve your experience and find what you're really looking for.

When you discover the need to focus on yourself and make changes, sometimes you need to step back from that which you use as a distraction, a diversion from paying attention to your problems. Sometimes you need to give up sex.

Political sex scandals seem to be a matter of course these days — is anybody surprised anymore when the news announces yet another politician has cheated on his spouse? This begs the question: Why did they even get married in the first place?

I like to say ALL sex is sacred. Of course anytime you make sweeping generalizations like that, there is a lot of room to disagree. Given the right mood, I'd be the first to disagree with myself. Still, I want to explain the kernel of truth in the statement “all sex is sacred.”

In today's world, marriage for political reasons is pretty uncommon. But just a few centuries into the past, arranged marriages were a vital part of government and politics. In the medieval fantasy-world of Game of Thones, marriage within the ruling families is almost entirely political and critical to the stability of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.

When I was a little kid I was a total weirdo. I would talk to anyone, anywhere. Homeless guy on a bench? Tell me everything. Mother at the park swinging her child? Let's chat about swinging and did you know my grandpa died when my mom was a teenager and her mom is crazy and did you know my neighbor Mrs. Pinkski has a little dog and she thinks I stole her tulips but I was on roller-skates?

Prostitution hurts marriage, doesn’t it? This has often been used as an argument against sex work — it’s not only demeaning but endangering to unknowing wives. But, this isn’t an argument about the morality of sex work — it’s about the morality of cheating. Still, when talking to Johns, I had to ask: How are the wives actually affected?

Last month I noted that the “love hormone,” Oxytocin, introduces an element of love to all sexual encounters. If sex exists on a continuum, then some sex might be almost bereft of love while other sex would be completely defined by love. In between those two extremes exists a lot of varied combinations of eroticism and emotion.

Like most men, I’m baffled by the nature of love. Lust, I can understand. But I’ve not done well in my efforts in my love life. An ambitious stripper, a snarky teacher with a jealous ex, a professional dancer with a nose candy problem, and a loopy reporter one step from the bughouse. All strike-outs.

Whether you're the one excited about trying poly or the partner who's been approached to open up the relationship, you don't have to just guess and hope about the outcome of this venture. There are things to think about, scenarios to talk about, and tools to use to figure out whether your monogamous relationship has a good chance of withstanding the switch to polyamory.

Do you find yourself in a relationship where you have to go along to get along? Are you using sex as a tool to protect yourself against mental or physical abuse? Nina speaks today about the fact that there are other options available and there is help for people in abusive relationships.

If you ever see me on the street, chances are, I'll be carrying at least three bags. More than likely four, possibly five. Usually I have my purse, a bag with my laptop, various magazines, books & papers, then a few others with shoes, gym clothes, more books, maybe a bottle of seltzer. The bags are, as I told someone recently, a part of me, but they are also, literally & figuratively, my baggage.

How many of us think of ourselves as polyamorous? Some do, of course, but probably most of us think of ourselves as monogamous. Yet, how many of us can claim we've loved just one person in our lives? Likely, not many. So, are we truly monogamous or are most of us serially polyamorous?

The last time I had sex was January 12th. Well, that is if we’re defining “sex” as physical, genital contact with another person. In January, I also had phone sex and cybersex, but since February 1st, have stayed away from all of that. The most action I’ve gotten, by choice, is a kiss goodnight on a street corner.

We've all heard the cliche about there being no sex after marriage. But what if you're not willing to live with that? You want to save your marriage, you want a satisfying sex life, but your spouse is resisting you every step of the way because he suffers from the emotionally painful idea that he's too small? What's a woman to do to save her marriage and her sex life?

It's happened to all of us: You meet someone charming, intelligent, miraculously modest, well-off, and, most importantly, smokin' hot. The evening finally comes when you will seal your budding relationship with a full-body kiss. You're eager with anticipation and expect nothing less than sheer bliss. But then your new partner's tongue attacks you like a leaping lizard's would a fly.

Lisa, who considers herself a bisexual, sex and relationship virgin, is wondering if, in a lesbian relationship, you are in the driver's seat in the bedroom does that mean you are in the driver's seat, or the more dominant, butch partner outside the bedroom as well?

Recently, I decided to take a break from sex and dating until November, when I turn 36 (but not writing about sex and dating!), and part of my impetus for doing so is to give myself time and space both to work on myself, and to sort out a lot of unresolved feelings and right at the top is jealousy.

Sometimes the hardest person to be honest with about who you are, is the person you love the most: your spouse, your partner, your significant other. Fear of exposure and judgment is one of the hardest barriers to breach when sharing sexual fantasies with our partners when we think they may not understand what we want.

We all have different reasons for seeking companionship. Sometimes two people end up together and find out their goals for the relationship are not the same. Can two people who want different completely different things find compromise or should they find new companions?

I know how many sexual partners are lurking in my husband’s past. I know one had MY first name. Another is heir to a well-known salad dressing fortune. I know he never contracted a sexually transmitted disease. This is all I know. This is all I WANT to know.

Sex should be one of the most natural things in the world, but when medication becomes part of the equation, sometimes, it doesn't come so easily—particularly the “cumming” part...and especially for women.

"The course of true love never did run smooth," Shakespeare once sagely said, but for the young man who is seeking advice today, the booty train has spotty service at best, and might be headed for derailment. Can Nina help him get his love life back on track?

My name is Rachel, and I’m an attention whore. There, I said it. Maybe that’s obvious, because I think to some degree, all writers are attention whores, but I don’t mean professionally, I mean personally. Only in the last few months have I realized that when it comes to dating, attention is the number one thing I’m looking for from a partner.

Last week, we met a young woman who was new to marriage and new to sex. Due to a conservative background, she has yet to spend a lot of time exploring her sexuality and the things that please her. She wants to grow the intimate relationship she has with her husband, and has come to Nina for advice.

Today we welcome Veronica Monet to the SexIs crew. If you just don’t get the opposite sex, don't worry. You CAN learn to understand your partner. Whether you’re straight or gay, vanilla or kinky, monogamous or poly, Monet says we all have something to learn about “cross-cultural fertilization.” Life’s a journey. Let our expert tour guide help you make the most of your travels in Libido Territory.

This week, Nina tackles the concerns of a woman diagnosed with hypothyroidism and her resulting inability to achieve orgasm. People with this condition often have a reduced libido and diminished ability to climax—which can be distressing to both you and your partner. Nina has consulted sex expert, Dr. Robert Lawrence, for tips on how to cope with a thyroid that's putting a damper on your sex life.

How do you even begin to figure out if you should stay in a relationship with problems, or leave in search of a better match? Do you get counseling? Do you go with your partner or alone? If your partner won't dance with you, do you need a new one?

There may be nothing you can legally do with your body more exciting and sensual than grabbing your partner and jumping on a motorcycle, at least in public. No other human experience heightens the senses and ignites instincts like climbing atop a great chuffing beast and heading out on the highway.

A recent story in the UK’s Telegraph reports that Facebook is cited in roughly one in five of the country’s online divorce petitions, but millions of avid users swear the reconnections are mostly harmless fun. Have these quantum leaps forward in technology created a society addicted to its past?

When you're in bed, how often do you find yourself saying "no" to something that might actually be pleasing? A little too often? Find out why Nina says learning to give, accept and offer permission is the path to embracing your true potential, and unlocking the pathway to untold sexual pleasures.

Snip-snip, the Big V, or voluntary sterilization. No matter how you slice it (good one, right?), a vasectomy is a major decision. Fortunately, it’s a minor procedure—and a great excuse to spend the weekend on the couch.

When I moved in with my partner, I did something unthinkable: I stopped masturbating. Though we’d been sexually active before we moved in together, but I still masturbated occasionally, and, at 21, I needed to orgasm more than once a week. Still, I felt bad when I did it—almost like it was a betrayal of our relationship, and I promised myself that I’d stop when we moved in together.

I can’t count the amount of times a hypersexual mood has convinced me within a breadth that sleeping with someone would make me feel better. Scratch that, rewind—feel something. And then, afterwards—feeling unclean, guilty and manipulative, as the choices I’ve made have not been my best.

My sex life was completely, 100 percent, definitely no question about it attributed to my high and low moods. So, I stepped away from the computer and told a doctor in real life. I was easily diagnosed as bipolar, in part because of the record setting, in addition to the fact that I was unbalanced and moody. Since, bipolar has been written on my metaphorical psychiatric permanent record.

In this final installment of our interview with the one and only Tristan Taormino, she speaks at length about open relationships, nonmonogamy, and trying to shatter the preconceived notions of what relationships are.

When it comes to verbal communication, my husband generally have no problem finding things to discuss. Actually, one of the things I love most about him is that he truly listens to me and respects my opinions. But there’s one topic we both stumble over—sex. Actually, it isn’t the topic of sex per se, but being able to effectively communicate our wants and needs.

Hello. My name is Newme…and I’m a closet kink. If you saw me walking down the street, you would probably think, preppy mom. I’m top to bottom J. Crew—cardigan, tee and jeans. Mother of four who home-schooled her kids, drove them to all their activities in a Honda Accord, worked hard for a living, helped my husband start his own business. Nothing special, just your typical person on the streets.

Virginity is a very touchy issue in just about every culture on the globe. Curiously enough, it’s almost always exclusively about female virginity. This sad double standard gives rise to emotional conflicts for both genders. But again, it is young women and girls who bear the brunt of it.

Infidelity in marriage is like a Ming vase that’s been shattered by the person you loved and trusted most. That’s what my life felt like the night I found out my husband was cheating on me. I shared that with someone who’d been through it as well, and she said she wanted to turn her broken pieces into a beautiful mosaic. I think—and hope—that is what my husband and I have finally done.

I have just the thing for all you folks out there who are in a relationship. If you’re like every other couple I know, you have your share of tension. And let’s face it—tension leads to fighting. And fighting, if not done fairly, can lead to hurting your partner—even if that’s not your intention.

Explaining your relationship status isn't easy when you've got a wife, a girlfriend, and a boyfriend (or what I like to call a Full Set). "It's complicated" doesn't begin to capture it. But while we may be unique, there are lots of people who practice polyamory. It can be pretty confusing for the participants themselves, so it's not always easy to explain to everyone else.

The last relationship I had before I met my husband was with a woman. Yes, I am a bi-sexual woman, although I am not a great fan of labels and can’t truly, with all honesty, say that I know that I fit the definition of that title to a tee. Nor do I really care.

You might hear people make outrageous claims such as “Porn destroys more marriages than crack cocaine!” “Porn drives married couples apart!” I hate to break it to you, but that’s hogwash. Porn is the glue that holds families together. Porn is good. Porn is the bread and butter of any married person’s sexual existence. Porn is an integral part of 21st century living.

Many men already know the joys of pornography, whether it be a raunchy movie or some strategically shot photos on the internet—and aren’t afraid to sing their praises. However, most women I have spoken to regarding porn either love it or hate it, and there isn’t much middle ground.

Being a sex-educator isn’t all glamour all the time. And for Sarah Sloane, it’s more about being a sex-positive gypsy, traveling the highways and byways to deliver the good word—sort of like an evangelist, with a strap-on. In her first column, our heroine reflects on life, long-distance sex, and the evils of cheap hotel beds.

One of life’s inevitabilities as a parent (besides tax credits) is the knowledge that at some point, your kids are going to catch you in delicto flagrante. So—do you cease all sexual activity until they’re 18, or do you invest heavily in Disney? Or...is there another option?

It’s time to enjoy a glimpse into the world of your typical suburban mom (played by me), and how sex fits (or more appropriately doesn’t fit) into it. It’s not pretty, it’s not glamorous and it certainly isn’t all that sexy. But here it is, stripped down to the bone. It might just look a little familiar…

Last night I slept with Christian, my ex-husband, for the first time since he became my ex-husband. In so doing, I knowingly exacerbated his feelings for me, opened my own heart back up to him…and betrayed both of our significant others.

Whether you’re a ‘two-minute brother’ or an anorgasmic amorist, there’s one thing everybody should be able to agree on: foreplay, if played properly to your partner’s tune, can be just as good as the inevitable main event. In fact, it can be so good that it might end up being the main event all by itself.