Having A Better Birth

Ginger holding her third son, just 1 day old, born via midwife assisted hospital birth

Today on facebook a longtime friend posted seeing a very “scary” thing on TV last night. The “scary” thing she saw, which she wrote was like something out of “The Exorcist”, was a water birth.

Having had three children naturally (without the benefit of a water birth) and without drugs – my first response was to feel enormously saddened. I wanted to say to my friend, “it is not your fault. I understand why you are scared, why you are afraid of natural birth. You have every right to be, actually.”

We, as expectant mothers, cannot strive to attain some kind of vision of birth that we cannot see. Meaning – there are few women who give birth naturally – and so (naturally) we have few examples of how to give birth. Who are those women that will lead by example – to encourage other women – to praise the wonders of birth? To tell women that you were made for this – your body is amazingly strong, equipped, capable, of giving birth.

I once heard a mothers rights advocate and author say, “most ob/gyns have never even seen birth (natural, unmedicated). In fact, they probably would not know what to do if they had to attend one.” This is great food for thought. But back to the story –

Then, I paused for a moment before responding with this:

Birth can be beautiful if women had better support from hospitals and health care professionals and were fully informed of their choices (and actually were allowed to make them). I had three wonderful natural births (and I’m a very small person) – but I also had fantastic support and knew what my rights were. If women were empowered and fully informed about their birth choices (aka if women were in charge) – birth would be much different than it is experienced in America today.

In 2009, I started this blog for supporting mothers after listening to many women, my own family included, speak of birth and their birth experience with fear, sadness, or regret.

My heart goes out to every woman who has had a bad birth experience. Birth does not have to be that way. I know, because birth was not a horrible or scary experience for me. Birth is beautiful, wonderful, and transforming – when it is experienced with the proper support and care.

However, America has some of the worst birth statistics in the world. We are ranked alongside some third world countries in infant mortality. Why?

What is astounding is that the US ranks a lowly 50th on the World Health Organization’s measure of global maternal mortality. In other words, 49 other countries have figured out how to better care for women throughout pregnancy and birth so that more of them survive the process. It’s true that the US spends more dollars on health care than any other country, but we don’t have the positive outcomes you’d expect in correlation. Many pregnant women never get prenatal care, or only get it well into their pregnancies. The latest data show that 17 out of 100,000 American women die from pregnancy-related conditions. With 50 million uninsured, health care is beyond the reach of millions of expectant mothers. In fact, the US rate of maternal mortality has been going up since 1987, when we hit a low of 6.6 deaths per 100,000 deliveries, and continues to climb. It has more than doubled in the past 24 years. The good news is that maternal deaths are preventable in most cases. Experts say that with appropriate care, the US rate could be reduced to 3 out of 100,000.

Women can have a better birth experience in America. We can start by demanding better maternity care and birth care. We can start by being a proactive, not passive recipient, of medical care. We can start by getting informed and knowing our rights.

To quote Valerie Young again, “We deserve better. Push back against the status quo. We have a stake in the future, for we will live there with and through our children. How the future deals with us is up to us right now. Creation is what we do. Every single day women remake the face of the world. We have every right and every reason to make it a face that will smile back at us.”

Until we have safer, better birth in America – you can find me here blogging to support and help mothers get the birth (and body) they want.

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Reader Interactions

Comments

Lori Baccoli Ulin says….I think those (birth) shows send the wrong message. I know when I was pregnant I tried not to watch them. Its as if they r trying to scare women into using drugs. I was only given the option of a c section since alanna was breech but that was painful too. I agree more education should be available to women to describe their options.

I want to thank my longtime friend for having the courage to write that she was scared after seeing this birth. Why is it that birth is portrayed as such a negative, uber-painful, scary, scream at your partner, reason to lose all logic and composure, experience?

Thank you, as always for this post. You keep me inspired and committed to pursuing natural childbirth if/when we decide to give pregnancy a try. There is so much fear & cynicism out there. Your blog is a reminder that we are not alone in wanting more from modern medicine 🙂

Thank you Amber, for having the courage to post your comment. Please share this blog with others who may feel the same – as I know from experience there are many. I am thrilled that you found the blog inspiring and helpful. I hesitate to share my story sometimes because I don’t want women to misconstrue that I may be speaking down to them for being fearful or for being unable to have a natural birth. That is not the case at all – I tell my story to empower women and let them know they can be in charge of their birth – that natural birth is not “something to prove” or a “badge of courage”. Unfortunately, many hospital staff and ob/gyn’s paint natural birth as archaic and unnecessary. However, that could not be farther from the truth. It has been almost (and only a mere) 100 years since birth was medicalized. And in that time – our birth outcomes in America have steadily deteriorated. There are many organizations, such as Moms Rising, and many professionals, such as physical therapist Penny Simkin, who have for years stood to debunk the many myths perpetrated about natural birth – and to fight for mothers’ rights. There are women out there, like myself and Eleanor and so many others, who have beautiful birth stories – and only sought out natural birth for one reason – not for pride, not for a pat on the back, not for ego, not to hold over other mothers’ heads, and not even as a rite of passage – but because natural birth, when possible, gives baby (and mom) the healthiest, best, safest start.

When I had my wonderful home births in the early 1990’s, I felt completely safe in the hands of a competent lay midwife, Roberta. At that time it was actually deemed “illegal” to have a home birth w/ a non nurse midwife who did not have an MD backing her and no MD in upstate NY at that time approved of home births and it may still be the case. It took couragous midwives who believed in their profession as midwives separate from nurses to deliver this natural service outside of the hospital. In 1994 lay midwives were actually rounded up so to speak and told they needed to stop practicing or go to jail and that if they provided information about their experience and training that it would be applied as experiential learning toward their nurse midwife degree. All of the lay midwives went through lay midwifery training schools…at the time there were 3 schools that many midwives graduated from… one was in London, one in Florida and one in New Mexico. My midwife had graduated from the New Mexico school and she had lots of experience birthing w/ Mexican woman. No drugs were wanted, however, she did, as I remember, give me a shot of potocin to help deliver the afterbirth b/c I think mentally I thought I was finished…motherhood is never over but they do grow up and not need you so much and this is a good thing. They come through us and we act as loving guides helping them get through challenges and achieve successes. My two boys are now 21 and 17.

Eleanor,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I believe a woman’s birth story is the most powerful story that can be told – from all aspects spiritual, physical, emotional, and social. Thank you also for sharing your story of natural birth – we need more mothers like you – speaking up and telling their story – to be examples for other women. Women are fearful of birth today because they have few examples of strong women giving birth. You are one of those women Eleanor – thank you again for sharing.

Please continue to share this blog – and encourage other mothers to tell their stories here. The more stories we have – the bigger community of support we build for those women who are seeking a birth that is empowering and transforming – and not filled with fear and self-doubt.

The beginning of my birth stories was the most unexpected experience and nothing like I envisioned it to be, but also the beginning of a physical, mental and spiritual journey for me that has empowered me as a mother, women and health professional. However, my stories are not ones of a natural birth. My first birth ended up in an emergency C-section after many, many hours of labor and pushing in many different positions. My water had been broke too long resulting in an infection for me and my new beautiful baby girl who had to be in the NICU on IV antibiotics. I also was diagnosed with CPD. I felt that I lost all control, as I had to recover from a C-section that I never imagined would be a reality, but also as a result of the drug induced state that I was in after being loaded up with pain meds. Once I stopped the pain meds at home, I realized how much better I felt, and how much more I was able to enjoy my precious baby girl. I was able to come to terms with the C-section, but not able to come to terms with the blur my experience had been simply because of too much pain medication. About a year later, I had to have an umbilical hernia repair as a result of a significant diastasis recti (another entire story in itself). As a result of this and my previous birth experience and diagnosis, I did elect to have a scheduled C-section with the birth of my second daughter a couple of years later. I reached my decision after research, discussion with my OB, and many prayers. For me, taking control and being empowered of my birth experience meant meeting with the anesthesiologist and finding out that I was able to avoid having narcotics. This made for an amazing birthing experience,and I was able to immediately bond with my new beautiful baby girl. I attempted to take control again with the birth of my third baby girl one year ago, but this time around the anesthesiologist thought he new better than me, resulting in some loss of precious bonding time during that first day. I did not doubt myself again, and took control the remainder of my stay. I think it is so important for all women/moms to empower themselves and take control of their well being, regardless of their birthing experience. We must be our own advocates, and I agree Ginger, that this can only happen by building a bigger community of support.

Thanks you so much for sharing your story Stacie. There is nothing dearer to the hearts of mothers – than their children and the birth stories that brought them into their arms. Please continue to share this post and your comments with more mothers – the more birth stories that are shared, the better experience birth can be for future mothers. You are courageous for doing your homework and realizing what you needed – and what you didn’t. All mothers need to be heard – and their intuition – listened to.

It is quite sad that so many American women buy into the “scary” process of birth. I too was one of those people. I remember the very day I saw my first “scary” birth video– freshman year high school in my catholic school health class (I’m sure there was no accident they showed us this horrific video). From then on I was simply terrified and was convinced a natural birth was not for me. That was until about 4 months into my own pregnancy. I started out with an OB I really like and I’m not sure exactly what the turning moment was, maybe it was more gradual, but I just had this inner knowing that that I wanted to be more in charge of my birth and I just became curious. We are meant to have babies and why is birth seemingly such a traumatic experience?? It just didn’t make sense to me so I started researching, reading, asking questions and then decided to turn my ship in the opposite direction. Once I made that decision I knew 100% it was the right one. Our birth was in a free standing birthing center and I could not have felt more taken care of, supported and nurtured by the team of midwives there. During my long labor they knew were so patient giving me the time I needed. They also knew when to step in and “coach” me when things got tough. They trusted and hand total confidence in me which of course in that sort of situation is so needed. Was my birth long..yes. Was there pain..yes. Was it a lot of work…yes, yes, yes. Did it transform me…YES and would I do it again…without a doubt YES.
I truly wish for other women they were able to have more authentic and real information to make they best birthing decision and to have a birth that is empowering…not one where you give your power to a handful of others.
There seems to be such a divide…the natural birthing mothers, where people look at you like you are seriously crazy and the ones that are scared and put all the decision making into the hands of someone else who may or may not have mom and babies best interest in mind.
I would love to be a part of support for mothers who think they can’t because I was one of them.

Leigh, I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share your story. Expectant mothers can “turn their ship around” and take charge – just because of hearing your story. It is stories just like yours – that can empower mothers and help start an informed revolution of birth in this country. Women can give birth. They are made to feel like their bodies are incapable, or not strong enough, or not built right, or any of a number of excuses – but the truth is – when they are in a compassionate, caring, supportive environment – they do not, like you say, have to give their power away to others. They can be in charge of their bodies, and in charge of their birth. Your story is so important Leigh. Please keep telling it. I absolutely will singing your praises and telling your story, with your permission, in my birth book.

Hmm it appears like your website ate my
first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying
your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any recommendations for inexperienced blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

Keep on writing! Just keep on writing! Start your own blog, if you haven’t already – and decide on a definitive track for it. Don’t try to write about too many things, just stick to what you are best at…good luck!! (and also establish relationships to acquire reciprocating guest bloggers)

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Meet Dr. G

Hello and welcome to EudeMOMia! I'm Dr. Ginger Garner, a mother of 3 & longtime physical therapist and athletic trainer in women's health. I know what it's like to have to overcome poor health & healthcare, and my goal is to empower & advocate for you to help you move from recovery after birth to discovery of your best self! Learn more...