A spokesperson for society has confirmed that getting your cervix smashed in by someone with 18-inch biceps, peanut-sized testicles and ‘a bit of a temper’ in front of millions of people is now the pinnacle of all human civilisation.

He said, ‘The United Nations will shortly be inviting the winner of the show to speak in front of all delegates as part of our Inspiring The Rusty Catflap initiative.’

’We used to think that pioneering research in the field of oncology and tackling abuses of human rights were priorities for humanity.’

‘However, it’s now clear that everyone wants to become ‘that guy’ with more nipples than IQ points who wants to lose a few drops of baby gravy on telly for the sake of getting a regular slot of Big Brother’s Bit On The Side.’

We use cookies (Not Maryland's) to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. Because GDPR. Bet you are all glad you voted Leave now ...Ok