"Peter Shilton conceded five - you don't get many of those to the dozen."

Des Quote

Football comment:-

"More football later, but first let's see the goals from the Scottish Cup Final"

Des Quote

Football comment:-

"Poborsky's had one or two moments - two, actually."

Des Quote

On Boxing:-

"Round 1. Start of the fight, in fact."

Des Quote

On Athletics:-

"That would have won him the gold medal in the championship four years ago which he won anyway."

Des Quote

Football comment:-

Ally McCoist said: "That was the goal that killed off the game."

Des replied: "Actually Ally, I think what you meant to say was, 'that was the goal that inspired Marseille to a great fight-back.' We wouldn't want any of our viewers to switch off."

Des Quote

Football comment:-

"Kicked wide of the goal with such precision."

Des Quote

On Jimmy Hill:-

"I have never worked with a nicer and more agreeable guy."

Des Quote

Football comment:-

"Oh Christ, not more bloody football."

Des Joke

One day Princess Potato told her father King Edward that she wanted to get married. She told her father that she had met the most witty, charming and downright sexy man in the world. King Edward asked if he knew this man and she replied that it was Des Lynam. The king said "You can't marry him". "Why not?" asked the princess. The king replied "Because he's a commentator".

Des Quote

Number comment:-

"Who needs a computer if you've got balls ?"

Des Quote

At Wimbledon:-

"This is live rain we are watching, not recorded rain."

Des Joke

Des Lynam, Alan Hansen and Andy Gray are standing before God at the throne of Heaven.

God looks at them and says, "Before granting you a place at my side I must first ask you what you believe in."

Addressing Mr Hansen first he asks, "What do you believe ?"

Big Al looks God in the eye and states passionately, "I believe football to be the food of life. Nothing else brings such unbridled joy to so many people from the slums of Sao Paolo to the mansions of Chelsea. I have devoted my life to bring such joy to those people who stood on the terraces at Anfield."

God looks up and offers Alan the seat to his left.

He then turns to Andy Gray. "And you Mr Gray. What do you believe ?"

Andy stands tall and proud. "I believe courage, honour and passion are the fundamentals of life, and I've spent my whole playing career providing a living embodiment of these traits."

God, moved by the passion of the speech, offers Andy the seat to his right.

Finally, he turns to Des Lynam. "And you Mr Lynam, what do you believe ?"