Stumbling My Way Into Adulthood…

Tag Archives: anger

There’s no manual given to you when you become a parent. There’s no customized guide to tell you what’s best for your child. There’s also no rewind button after you’ve had a major role in an event that traumatized your child. There’s no law that says they have to forgive you, or bring their children (if they have any)around you. Just like there’s no law that says every parent must have the perfect parenting technique. It’s tricky, isn’t it? Being completely responsible for another human’s physical and emotional needs. I don’t have any children, but I am the child to parents whom I once held a great deal of resentment towards.

It’s really easy for me to tell someone that I “couldn’t care less” about whatever their problem is- especially when they’ve got a problem with me. It’s even easier for me to brag to other people about how resilient and “thick-skinned” I am. Yet, my anxiety at its core has always been the exact opposite. I’m like a fruit or vegetable with a hard outer shell, but the inside is as mushy as melted ice-cream. Anxiety makes me vulnerable. It whispers into my ear that something is wrong and someone is out to get me. However, in my recent quest to overcome anxiety once and for all, I’ve learned a weapon that can be used against it- the art of not giving a single damn. Continue reading →

I was in church, prepared for the sermon, when this triangular-diagram was projected onto the big screen behind my pastor. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. This was no concept that I was new to, but I was surprised to see it being brought up in church. As I gazed at this big pyramid in front of me, I was devastated by what I realized. Continue reading →

Gosh, this will not be one of my happier posts. So there’s your warning lol.

Nobody likes to make choices that will cost them a big burden, right? For some, this could be a choice that leads to great financial strain or the loss of a physical item. That’s not what I’m going to be writing about here though. I’m talking about the decisions that cost you the people and relationships that might mean the most to you right now. Continue reading →

Well, my break is coming along quite nicely. I’m in the place I’d rather be, I have 0 obligations, I’ve managed to push all worries to the side, and I’ve spent lots of time meditating or reflecting. Of course, I’ve been reflecting on the topic I mentioned earlier, which was my anger. The more I thought about things like my trigger, the more I found myself coming to a common denominator. That common denominator is my MOUTH! My words! I have a habit of speaking when I really don’t need to and probably shouldn’t. I always want to spit out a quick, mean response at someone, or I want to tell them how they’re inspiring the most negative thoughts within me. If not that, I am hurling out the harshest words at someone whom I’ve allowed to offend me.

Well, I want to try something new. It’s quite tough for me to say that I am going to only speak with a purpose- although I am working towards that. Instead, I will try to think before I say anything that I know can cause a problem. So, before I speak my mind, respond to something aggravating, respond in an argument, or rant on social media, I will ask myself who is benefiting. If the answer is no one, then I won’t say it or post it. I truly believe that perhaps, if I can prevent flames that have already been sparked from growing larger, I can lessen my chances of being burned.

We will see how this goes for me. My last year of college is steadily approaching and I am expecting to be tested. That’s a topic for an upcoming post though.

In only a couple of weeks the new year will be here and as the saying goes, “new year, new me”. Right? While I am not implying that I will become a totally different person in every aspect of my life, I do want to be better. In this past year I began my journey of self-improvement, from minimizing clutter and becoming more organized, to improving my relationship with God. I’ve also completed a lot of more personal improvements that I won’t mention here that I do believe have made me a better woman. There is one thing that I have not really sought to improve directly…

My anger problems.

Well, there… I admitted it. Anger issues have been a long-time problem from me since childhood. They have improved over time as I have learned other things such as patience and sympathy, but I have never tried to just work on my anger itself. For me, it’s like putting a mentos in a bottle of coke, shaking it up, and leaving it there to sit for a while. Better yet, for certain things, it’s like putting 1,000,000 mentos in a bottle of coke. I just might explode.

Of course certain people and certain scenarios have been more likely to set me off, regardless of my mood, but my anger has been a real problem for me. It causes me to say and do things that I almost always regret. It prevents me from being the bigger person in many situations. It wrecks relationships that I would later learn that I should’ve held on to. I am tired of allowing this problem to rule my life like this, so I am putting an end to it.

I’ve already begun to work on this though and the good thing is that I am well-aware of most of my triggers (both people and situations). I’ve learned some steps to help me calm down;

First: Do. NOT. React. Don’t say or do anything.

Second: Go somewhere away from the problem. This can be the bathroom, sitting in my car, just some place where I am not literally looking at what has got me upset.

Third: Remind myself of all of my blessings and thank God.

Fourth: Consider the severity of the situation. Is it worth exploding over? Is there a solution? Even if there is no solution, is it really that big of a deal? Usually, it is worth being upset over, but not worth saying anything.

Fifth: Start to think of ways to make it better.

Sixth: Breathe for at least 10, slow seconds.

And once I’m calm, things work themselves out, and I learn from whatever made me upset. I can think of ways to avoid that situation again or I can even determine what is or isn’t even worth getting upset over. I also discuss it with God later and get his feedback, but I DON’T discuss it with anyone else after the fact or I’ll end up mad all over again. In the year of 2018, I’d really like to create the habit of staying in my happy place because no one and nothing should be able to take me away from it.

Featured image of an explosion from http://roosterteeth.com/episode/the-slow-mo-guys-season-1-huge-building-explosion-at-2500fps