The other day, inspired by the loss of Scarey Records, I started digging the web for fun, looking for proofs of my past existence. Yes, before being the skeptical, cynic traveler you all grew to love and hate, I was the guitarist and mastermind behind The NERDS Rock Inferno, probably the best punk band to come out of Italy. Or probably not, but anyways, we totally rocked ass. And LOOK AT WHAT I FOUND!!! Something I thought had been long lost in the sands of time and general ignorant people’s bliss. But I was wrong: as I used to bootleg many a record, videos and movies for big bucks back in the early 90s (one of my videorecorders’ counter, the day it died, stated its heads run for more than 8000 kilometers), someone somewhere gave me the same treatment leaving me jaw dropping… who could have been so enlightened and cool to bootleg this previously unreleased Nerds video, only circulated as a white noisy 3 minutes nightmare on a few music videotapes I assembled for some of my best friends back in the day??? Only God, or Satan, knows.

A few words about this video: the song is called “Bomb Rider” and, to me, is the highlight of The NERDS’ production. Highly scummy, relentless and with such great lyrics to almost match the visionary impact of Rodriguez’s “Machete” fake trailer.A track taken from our infamous and out of print 500 copies blood red vinyl split 10″ with New Hampshire’s finest after GG Allin & the Scumfucs, I am talking about the TUNNEL RATS. And now that I have been to Vietnam and visited the Cuchi Tunnels, I recognize how dary and meaningful that monicker was, by the way.

First of all, it was shot at Temple of the Dog, a country pub scattered in the Oltrepo’ hills and home of some of the best and most terrible seasons of shows ever witnessed in the area. Problem was, the location of this place was indeed picturesque, but just couldn’t cut it for an internationalization of the performances. In fact, when somebody (me included) tried, the results were economic catastrophe. Second, this video was shot and produced by Nothing’s Cool Video, a video project I had going in 2002 with a dear friend from University, Francesco Minoli also named Eddy Vaniglia or Frocesco in different other occasions. He was (and still is) a good man and a loyal friend, and in that occasion, he could capture one of The NERDS’ wildest performances, including my one and only “juicing exhibition”. Yes, because after that, I decided that it was impossible to play guitar while bleeding profusely, so I just had to forget about it.

But it was GREAT: in the vein of one of my favorite bands, ANTiSEEN, and the lowest (and truest) wrestling leagues ala WCW, I stabbed my own forehead with broken glass, but without the expertise of a wrestler’s con-artistry, I probably cut too deep and oh man, it was like someone opened up a kitchen sink in the middle of my forehead. I was literally seeing red. The black and white video doesn’t pay justice to the gruesomeness of gore-o-rama, but I can tell you, you will notice one guy supporting me and trying to wipe the blood off my fucking face. That guy is my dear friend Ricky “Frozen Heart” Rossi, champion of doom and drones in the band Malasangre. He totally looks like a moron in the video, but don’t take it wrong: he was scared and probably never seen so much blood coming out of a person’s face before, so of course being a dear friend he was quite concerned about my state of (mental) health. I remember he came with me to the emergency room to get me stitched up, after the show. Like, I got 3 or 4 stitches, it was pretty cool, ehehehe… and I remember I lost so much blood I really wanted to eat some sweet stuff, so he also took me to the local bakery which, at night, was usually open and ready to sell fresh, still steaming croissants and focaccias. For this and many other things, I owe you my friend.

That night was a BIG kick in the ass and face of the many loser Voghera scenesters. I remember the sorry look in the face of the singer of one of the “local promising death metal bands”…. he used to do that trick sometimes, but using ketchup. He stared at my little open gashes like they were my third eye on the path to Buddhist enlightenment. Fucking morons!! That’s why I couldn’t keep on living in that shithole anymore… provincial pussies stroking their hurt egos in the bar, and doing NOTHING to try to improve their lives. Might the almighty God of Work bless you for the rest of your miserable lives. Glad I don’t talk with most of these people anymore, and besides the few I still consider friends, I am very glad I don’t miss that place not even once in a while. But damn, my record collection is still there so, I’m afraid, one day I’ll have to go back, ahahah…

So, in a nutshell, this is one of the reasons why I am a Monkey Motherfucker. You wanted to know why, eh? I’m sure you did. Many other tales of debauchery and felony might be told, but I decided to leave them for another time, or just leave them all out, for myself. I only thought it was nice to publish this, and give the bootlegger some more credit, making its YouTube videochannel boost a few more hits, because I am sure you little bitches are so curious, and ready to criticise and make me laugh once again. As that gesture was an extreme consequence of my desire to tell all of those people to fuck off, this is extended to all of the squares, pc pussies, backpackers with no brain and so on out there. This is the Monkeyrockworld, if you can’t take it, get the fuck out and go back to read and listen to your politically correct gay crap. I just wanted you to know that as I was ready to stab my own face with broken glass, I’m now ready to do so many other things you wouldn’t dare to think of. Because I am real, my friends. Unless many others out there, my blood’s for you. Enjoy its sweet, metallic taste going down your throat.