Loving Congruently

It's okay that things are so unsteady and uncertain between us.
I have no reason to be scared for myself over you. Taking something from this
relationship is beneath both of us, and will not do anything for either of us.
I will drain us both in the process.

All I can do is give to you. That is all I can genuinely
want to do. I want you to feel and experience love. I want you to see your own
intelligence, as well as that of this reality at large. I want you to see the
beauty of life. Of course, I want you to see the beauty of your self.

Maybe I have done wrong before. But as long as I hold the
intention to do no other than to give to you, and I consciously direct my
thoughts to keep that intention clear, then I do not see how I can do wrong
again.

Of course, I am fallible. But should I falter, I can re-transmit
that mistake into transparency by acknowledging what I have done, what I would
really like to do, and sharing the lessons I have learned, and I can thank you
for helping me to learn these lessons (even if indirectly, which is often the
case).

I will always love you. The way I feel about you- the way I
experience that love- will not always be the same. But always, always, I can
commit myself to the intention of sharing with you. Why do it? It simply is the
nature I have chosen for myself. I had a choice between fear and love, and I
chose love.

And I will continue making that choice, no matter how
difficult it is.

Ending the
War

With some people and in some situations, I will not appear
very committed. It will look as though I am running away or being unreasonable,
cold, and cruel. Sometimes, this is the case plain and simple. When that
happens the only intelligent thing I can do is acknowledge what I have done and
resolve to adjust course-- to return to a state of love, giving, and joy.

However, there are also situations which are so deeply mired
in fear, misunderstanding, and incompatibility that they cannot be unraveled.

They cannot be saved by attempting to work through them. No
agreeable conclusion will be reached. Both sides will continue blasting away
with their weapons indefinitely. Unless and until one side changes to become
more in line with the other (e.g. in regard to intentions and perspectives),
the only intelligent solution is to leave. Just stop fighting, because as long
as you try to interact with one another, fight is all you will do. Even if you
do not fight outright, you will constantly be suspicious and distrustful of the
other. Maybe you can manage to make things look alright on the outside, but deep
down you are perpetually at unease.

It can be hard to say goodbye-- especially when you have
gotten so used to assuming that human relationships are supposed to be so
dreadful and war-like.

But that is mere assumption.

Leaving isn't necessarily the same thing as running away or
hiding. When one side retreats in a battle, it isn't hiding from a conflict it
needs to "man up" and deal with head-on. Rather, the people in charge
see that there is no point in fighting this fight, since they will probably
lose. It would be more honorable to keep all their men alive, rather than
regard them as meatbags and recklessly sacrifice them.

How would fighting such a battle make an army stronger, or
smarter, or nobler? If the only likely outcome of the war is mutually assured destruction,
it is better to simply end it. Neither side will get what they want, which is
for the other side to change or submit in a particular way. But if they can
agree to just cut their losses and leave each other alone, everyone will be
better off.

Giving Up
Toleration

Life cannot be enjoyed by being tolerated, just as people
cannot be loved by being endured.

Toleration is a waste of good energy that can be used
elsewhere. Once you stop tolerating a situation, you free yourself to put your
attention on creative endeavors that truly matter to you.

As for giving, when there is no workable, satisfactory way
for you to interact with another person, you can give to them the space to be
themselves and relief from wasteful toleration. This is what will result from
leaving the situation. If this situation does nothing more than wrack your
brains and make you anxious, odds are the other person is having a similar
experience. By leaving, you provide peace and freedom to both sides. I’d say
that’s quite a gift.

“Leaving” doesn’t have to be a total, permanent state. You’ll
go back and forth, perhaps with small conversations and other interactions.
However, no matter what happens, this relationship- whether it is with an
activity, an object, or another person- will never be the same again. It cannot
be, since sameness would mean continued, endless conflict.

The best you can do, when it comes to attempts at renewing
the relationship, is to be disgustingly honest. You got out, in the first
place, for a reason—it seemed that being yourself was a crime. So, that is
precisely what you should do. If your living transparently still is a problem
for the other side, obviously not much has changed. Not worth sticking around
to see the end of this one.

On the other hand, if the other side is willing to listen,
to acknowledge the issues, and to be transparent themselves, there might be
something worth pursuing here—even if it is simply putting the relationship to
rest with compassion, understanding, and peace.

Even then, don’t be surprised if you leave again. And maybe
even come back again, too.

Relate
Presently

The only way to relate to things effectively is to do so
presently. A relationship built on nothing but past-obligations is stifled and
distasteful, and does little more than create tension between two people. There’s
nothing conscious about it. Its foundation is dilapidated bricks.

Similarly, don’t tie yourself to an identity. Viewing
yourself as “so-and-so’s brother,” or “x’s co-worker,” or even “a runner”
is rather limiting, to say the least. While it seems like a petty matter of
language, thinking in these terms can lead you to assume there is all manner of
obligations you must fulfill—obligations which, of course, you did not choose,
and probably have not even thought much about. You think you have to do them just
because your fragile identity implies it.

The problem with this approach is that going through the
motions unconsciously leads you to resent those motions—the motions of running
x number of miles a week, or giving material gifts to certain people at certain
times of year, or whatever it may be. Tension will build in the relationship,
and you will complain, because you will see no way out of this situation. You’ll
imagine you have to keep doing what you’re doing, because your identity says
so.

The reason identifying yourself in such small ways doesn’t
work is that doing so is inaccurate. A computer can function as a word
processor, but it is not just a word
processor, and it certainly is not one all the time. To regard a computer as
nothing more than a word processor would be to seriously misunderstand what it
is; use it in limited, even stifling, ways; and leave much of its potential and
usefulness untapped.

If you genuinely believed your computer was only a word
processor, you’d be able to type up documents, but you wouldn’t be able to
print them out or upload them to the Internet. You would write and write and be
unable to share it with others in any way. The writing would be trapped on your
computer.

After a while of this, you would be darn frustrated. So don’t
mistake your computer for a word processor, and don’t mistake yourself for your
job title, either.

No Compromise

Whatever you do- whatever decisions you make in your
relationships- don’t give into fear. Sometimes you will imagine that stepping
down from what is right for yourself and making a sacrifice will preserve the
relationship, and it will be worthwhile. Such a thought is a mistake.

Compromising where you don’t want compromise will actually make
things worse- not better- because you
will be embittered and disempowered by it. From that state of being, any
so-called “love” you might attempt to express will be a strain on you, and you’ll
become even weaker.

Real love does not weaken, but strengthen. Your attempts at
love will not be love at all, but rather, expressions of fear. Fear is a master
of disguise.

If you have to shrink your consciousness in order to
preserve something external, you aren’t preserving anything at all. Your
relationships will not be imbued with greater truth by your own denial, nor can
you gain life by killing yourself. This is like trying to see by putting a
blindfold on.

If you intend on compromising yourself in order to keep
intact with something external to yourself, realize that you are about to step
down a dark, doom-filled path. And you won’t be happy about it. In the end, you’ll
be more resentful, disempowered, and confused than when you started.

Sometimes, some people are not worth talking to. It sucks, I
know. Saying “no” to people is hard, I know. I’ve done it too many times too
even imagine counting. It stings a little every time. But I do it because it
provides me with freedom—the freedom to focus on and complete the things that,
in my eyes, matter. If I said “yes” all the time I would be drained of time and
sapped of clarity and energy. It would be like sloshing through a river of
muck. I will pass on that, thank you.

Saying “no” is more intelligent in the long run, if it
enables you to focus on the things you want to focus on (rather than be lost in
a sea of meaningless things you just can’t give your care to right now). There’s
no sense in fogging-up your clarity and drive so that you can maybe do
something “right,” whatever that means (you have no idea).

There’s no sense in doing things that will guarantee
bitterness. Why would you do that, dummy? Do you not like yourself or
something? ;P

If you think you need to become a more valuable, upstanding
human being, consider that saying “no” to the fog and instead taking your own
initiative to do what matters is the path to get there. It might take a while
for people to understand or care about what you are doing. They might even try
to convince you to do something more normal and predictable, at least until you
are financially stable enough to work on the things you really want to
(whatever “stable” means! How much does that take-- $10,000 a year? $100,000?
When will you be satisfied?).

Resist the temptation to fall into this “money sinkhole.”
You can imagine up endless costs for yourself to fill, but the reality is that
you won’t know what the real expenses are until you get started—and they might
not be as big as you think. Even then, it’s not the end of the world if you can’t
put up all the money right away. God will not smite you. If he does, tell him
that that wasn’t very nice: in the afterlife take up the mission of rallying
for God to treat humans better.

Freedom
from Fear, Responsibility toward Love

Whatever you do, choose the path of love. Do what you know
an intelligent being- independent of the opinions of others- would do. Never
use fear to save yourself or anyone else, because it won’t work.

Love won’t always look the way you think it’s supposed to.
If it did, it would lack the freedom to be what it is—freedom itself. The case
is the same for you.

Resolve to live and work from obligation, neediness, and
fear no longer. If you don’t want to, don’t focus on your own survival. Just
keep giving and keep sharing the best of what you have—even if the world pleads
for you to stop.