The Charge

The Case

Exec #1: "Y'know, we're the History Channel and all, but we really
don't run nearly as much of that historical stuff as we used to."

Exec #2: "I'm sorry, what? I'm a little distracted; I'm on my way to a
Swamp People marketing meeting. Also, drop the 'Channel.' We're only
called History now."

Exec #1: "Son, I've been here since this network began. I've gone along
with all of these changes -- shows about swamp people, pawn shops, ice road
truckers, alien abductions, UFO hunters and that show about the Brawny paper
towel guys..."

Exec #2: "Ax Men."

Exec #1: "Whatever. My point is, we need to do something to reassert
our identity. Something to remind people of who really are."

Exec #2: "Stan, I already told you, we're not using The History of
Hitler's Mustache Month idea."

Exec #1: "I know, I know. I realize that's a lot to ask. But what if we
did something simple? Maybe a two-hour special about a really important battle
or something. I was thinking we could do a new documentary about
Gettysburg."

Exec #2: "Uh-huh. Stan, you're a nice guy and I hear you're retiring
soon. I think I can make this happen. However, you're going to need to be
willing to make some compromises on this."

Exec #1: "I can do compromises. What do you have in mind?"

Exec #2: "We can't do any of that frilly Ken Burns garbage. I don't
want any fiddle music or touching letters from the wives at home. I don't want
any political context on the war that doesn't build up to the phrase, 'and then
the two armies kicked the crap out of each other.' I don't want talking heads to
get more than ten minutes of total screen time."

Exec #1: "Um...so what do you want, exactly."

Exec #2: "Explosions. Lots of explosions. Oh, and plenty of blood. In
fact, I think we can get Tony and Ridley Scott to produce this thing. We've been
wanting to do something with those guys for a while. What this special needs is
some of that Scott pizzazz -- some True Romance slow-motion violence and
some Black Hawk Down shaky-cam violence. Just be sure there's always some
violence."

Exec #1: "Can't we pause for some campfire scenes or moments of
reflection?"

Exec #2: "No campfire scenes! Better idea: You can break up the battle
by cutting to scenes of really violent, primitive surgeries. That way everyone
gets a break from the fighting without having to deal with bloodless
boredom."

Exec #1: "I mean...can't we have anything a little more, y'know,
scholarly or philosophical? I just think this is an important moment in history
and we don't want our special to seem like nothing more than a shallow
gore-fest."

Exec #2: "Yeah, I feel you, I feel you. Hey! It just hit me. We can
pause for some little hardcore educational segments on some important aspects of
life during the Civil War."

Exec #1: "Perfect! We can talk about the food the men were eating,
about the education the average soldier received..."

Exec #2: "Dude, do you want to put people to sleep? I'm talking about,
y'know, weapons and stuff."

Exec #1: "Oh."

Exec #2: "We can use computer graphics to show how a bullet fires out
of the barrel of a gun, flies through the air, rips into someone's flesh,
shatters their bone and then infects them with that freaky old-timey
disease!"

Exec #1: "Gangrene?"

Exec #2: "Hardcore!"

Exec #1: "Obviously we can't cover every major participant in a
two-hour special, so I was thinking of profiling a handful of key players.
General Ewell, for instance."

Exec #2: "The dude with the wooden leg?"

Exec #1: "Yeah."

Exec #2: "I can see it now...General Ewell, riding up to the battle of
Gettysburg on horseback, hungry to get revenge for the wooden leg that was taken
from him. He is Captain Ahab, and the northern Army is Moby Dick."

Exec #1: "I'm pretty sure that's not how..."

Exec #2: "Shhhh! I'm on a roll. Oh, and the music! I want something
that sizzles; some atmospheric techno-style stuff."

Exec #2: "What, are you kidding? This is great, bro! It'll be
awesome!"

Sadly, Gettysburg turns out to be more eyeroll-inducing than awesome,
as its desaturated, slo-mo, gleefully violent onslaught of battle scenes add up
to a viewing experience that is both thin and exhausting. Despite the fact that
this is the new, improved, super-intense brand of History, the doc still falls
into the same old trap of repeating nearly every memorable shot it delivers at
least once or twice over the course of the program. How many times do I need to
see that same bullet flying in slow-motion at that poor soldier? How many times
do I need to see that guy's head smashed in with a rifle? Additionally, the
film's overheated handling of its life-and-death subject matter translates into
very little emotional weight, turning the film's potentially stirring closing
moments (President Lincoln's Gettysburg address, natch) into a ho-hum coda.

At least Gettysburg looks great in hi-def, even though the format
occasionally highlights the limited nature of the CGI employed in the doc. The
image is quite desaturated and everything has an almost sepia-toned look;
creating a special that feels curiously wrapped in nostalgia and bloodshed.
Detail is exceptional throughout; you can see every stray facial hair and drop
of tobacco juice. Audio is excellent as well, despite the exceedingly
underwhelming score. The battle re-enactments stir up quite a fuss and will give
your speakers a solid workout. There are a few talking heads from assorted Civil
War museums, but their thoughts are brief and largely insubstantial ("This
was a really important battle," etc.). Though this release is labeled a
"Special Edition," the only extra included is a DVD copy. Another
amusing note: the case lists the special as "Approx. 94 minutes total"
when the running time is actually 85 minutes.

This particular examination of Gettysburg might prove an engaging
diversion for those more interested in action-packed historical re-enactments
than in, um, learning. However, most viewers will want to stick with Ken Burns'
informative series The Civil War and Ronald F. Maxwell's emotionally
involving feature film Gettysburg.