Bakuman
52

Page 52: Feedback and the Sprint

We were told that in the next series meeting, our series might become a candidate to be cancelled. We decided to incorporate some battle scenes and the feedback that our readers have written in the fan letters.

Takagi: I've listed up the suggestions our readers have made and it's getting pretty long! We should consider the ones that a lot of readers have mentioned. / The most popular suggestion is, "there should be more scenes of TRAP's school life."

Saiko: We should also check which characters are popular and add more chapters with them in it.

--

Takagi: It would be great if we could gain popularity by simply having more scenes of the popular characters... / But that would mean we'd have to do a lot more chapters of TRAP and Ami-chan at school and Ami-chan's dad doing more mystery solving...

--

Takagi: It's Saturday already! Do you think finishing the name by Sunday will be okay?

Saiko: Yeah, it should be fine since we don't need to make drafts anymore.

--

Takagi: Okay. I'm going to go sleep and then write it.

Saiko: It's already 2AM. I better call it a night too. No one will ever let me draw again if I get sick a second time.

P2

Aida: It's already 3AM.

Aoki: I don't care what time it is.

Nakai: I need to go back and draw...

--

Aida: You're saying no, no matter what?

--

Aoki: If we're changing it that much, it's no longer my story.

--

Aoki: If our series is going to end unless I change the story entirely and abandon my original ideas... / I'll be more than happy to end the series.

P3

Nakai: No... We can't let it end... // Aida-san, say something...

--

Aida: I know how you feel...

Nakai: What!? No, don't say that!! You're an editor, aren't you!?

--

Aida: What do you want to do, Nakai-kun?

Nakai: You're passing it over to me!?

--

Nakai: I... I've said it many times before... I don't want the series to end no matter what. // We finally got serialized and I think we should do our best to keep it going.

--

Aida: But Aoki-kun is not going to change her beliefs...

Aoki: Right.

Nakai: That's why you have to convince her...!

P4

Aoki: Then you two should change the story as you please.

--

Aoki: But if you decide to do this, please make it very clear to the readers that Aoki Ko is no longer writing the story and replace the writers name with your own.

Aida: We can't do that...

--

Nakai: If... I'm allowed to write the story, I'd like to give it a try!

Aida: Nakai-kun...

--

Nakai: Oh...

--

Aoki: You have to change the title too.

Aida: Wait, Aoki-kun!

-

Aida: There are things that simply cannot be done... We'll use this name, okay!?

Nakai: What the hell, Aida-san? You're the one that said our series might get cancelled if we keep going this way...

P5

Sunday

Takagi: So?

Saiko: You've included a lot of the stuff that our readers requested.

--

Takagi: I'm going to fax this.

Saiko: Wait, I'm not sure if it's all that good though...

--

Takagi: That's why we need to have it reviewed.

beep beep

Takagi: It can't be bad. We've included a lot of their suggestions.

--

Takagi: It's Takagi. I'm sorry it's a bit late.

Miura: Oh, is it ready? Fax it to my house.

--

buzzzzz

Miura: Where are you, Takagi?

Takagi: I'm at the work place with Mashiro.

Miura: I'm coming over.

Takagi: Huh? Okay.

P6

Miura: We might have talked about changing the story direction, but this is unacceptable! What are you doing?

--

Miura: Who made this story for you?

Takagi: Huh?

--

Takagi: I... I wrote it...

Miura: Bullshit! This isn't something you wrote! I'm not a fool!

--

Takagi: I really did write it... / We read all the fan letters and included as many of their suggestions as possible.

--

Miura: So that's what happened...

P7

Miura: That's the one thing you can't do.

--

Miura: If the suggestions fit perfectly into what you were originally thinking, it's okay... / You should be open to suggestions like those.

--

Miura: But trying to include a handful of different things makes you write something as disorganized as this.

--

Miura: Listen. Fan letters are supposed to be encouraging, // but not sources for ideas.

--

Miura: If you used every suggestion the fans make, the manga is no longer Ashirogi Muto's, but it's created by the readers... / You get me?

Takagi & Saiko: Yes...

--

Miura: Plus, most of your fan letters are from girls. / You have to take into account both your male and female audience. // But

P8

Miura: The magazine your series runs in is SHOUNEN Jump.

--

Miura: If you only take into account the feedback from your fan letters, they majority of suggestions are from a girl's perspective.

Takagi & Saiko: Right...

--

Miura: It's not a bat thing that there are many female fans. / But those are female fans of shounen manga. There's no such thing as a manga that starts out by trying to become popular among female readers and I won't let you do that. // The responsibility of a Jump mangaka is to create a good shounen manga!

--

Takagi: You're right... I'm sorry..

--

Miura: I didn't mean to lecture, but what I'm saying is common sense. // Plus, you can find more feedback online instead of just from these letters.

P9

Miura: Not to sound cruel, but you can't take into account all the feedback that users submit without much thought. / You should do what you strongly believe in. // I didn't think you two would do something like this, but I guess you both panicked based on what I said...

Takagi: To be honest, we thought there are limitations on brining in battle scenes and it's kind of different from our original direction...

--

Miura: There are only 5 more chapters that we can rework before the series meeting... // We have 3 chapters left for now...

--

Miura: You should leave the story the way it is for now. / Let's put all of our money on the remaining 2 chapters!

--

Takagi: I think that's the best way to go... Do you think we should include battle scenes?

--

Miura: You should do what you believe in! Do what you think is best! / But I still think some battle aspects would be good.

Takagi: Okay!

P10

"Kaitou Cheater" author: Hibiki Kyoutarou

Hibiki: I'm telling you that this is different from what I was told! We started it because you said TRAP will be on hiatus until April! // We're both going down now!

--

Hibiki: This is a scam! // If the series is cancelled, I'll be made a fool! Do something!

--

Editor: Manga...

--

Editor: becomes popular if it's good! // I don't think your series is suffering because of TRAP!

--

Editor: Stop complaining! Your manga won't get any better from your whining! // You better think about what you can do to make it better!

Hibiki: What!? You...!

--

Hibiki: So it's true that the mangaka and editor stop getting along when a series fails! I've never seen you get angry!

Editor: It's the opposite! This is us getting closer! // Your a failure because you can't even understand that!

Hibiki: What did you say!? Shit!

P11

Miyoshi: You two are acting too depressed!

Takagi: Do you think there's a mangaka that can stay cheerful when their series is failing?

Miyoshi: I'm sure there's one or two.

Takagi: I bet...

--

Miyoshi: Is it that bad?

Takagi: Yeah... I bet chapter 28 that's releasing on December 5th will bring back the high rankings...

--

Miyoshi: When's the series meeting?

Takagi: December 16th. / So we're putting everything into chapter 28 and 29.

Hiramaru: The mangaka profession is pretty impressive. / I couldn't even have considered buying this when I was getting paid 25,000 at my old job.

Miyoshi: But this is a pretty big purchase.

--

Hiramaru: Yeah, but when I showed the ad to Mr. Yoshida...

Yoshida: You can probably buy a car now. / It might help brighten your mood.

Hiramaru: He made this suggestion.

--

Hiramaru: But there's a GPS in this car and Mr. Yoshida can track where I am all the time. Ha ha ha. / And now that I got this car...

Yoshida: You should live in an apartment with a parking lot.

Hiramaru: Mr. Yoshida made this suggestion so I moved too. It's pretty expensive to rent...

--

Saiko: I don't really want to say it, but...

Hiramaru: Hm?

P13

Saiko: I think Yoshida-san conned you...

Hiramaru: Huh!?

--

Saiko: You're going to have to pay a lot of taxes starting next year... He used the old trick where you have to keep drawing in order to afford everything...

Hiramaru: What are you saying... I'm 27, I know all about taxes...

--

Hiramaru: Mr. Yoshida... You conned me...

Yoshida: How about a Ferrari?

--

Hiramaru: But... well... you know... / I'm getting some requests here and there about "Otter Number 11" getting animated. / My popularity went up when Otter got arrested and I started the "Otter trials."

Saiko: An anime!? Really!?

Hiramaru: Yeah... / It's not officially decided yet, but I think it's going to start next fall... If not spring.

--

Saiko: "Otter" started at the same time we did and it's already...

--

Hiramaru: Okay... Now that I got some fresh air... / I'm going back to my classy apartment and do some work...

--

Takagi: Did he come to show off?

Miyoshi: But he didn't look too happy...

Saiko: Hiramaru-san thinks really hard about weird things, but doesn't think too hard about important things... Even when he decided to become a mangaka... / I'm jealous that even still, his series is so successful.

P14

November 5th: Azuki's birthday

Saiko: Azuki's 18 now... We were saying we'd have an anime by 18...

beep beep

--

beep

The only thing I could write was, "Happy birthday."

--

Azuki MihoRE: Happy birthday

Thanks. I've been selected to play the daughter in an American TV drama on BS called, "Doctor Family!" The character doesn't appear every week, but I'm so happy to get such a big role! I'll do my best! MIHO

--

She has a role for a TV drama... That's impressive that she has 2 jobs even if she's not the main character. Azuki is officially a professional voice actress... // CROW's anime has started and Otter might become an anime... And TRAP...

P15

Saiko: The phone! Is it Az...

--

Saiko: Oh it's you...

Takagi: What the hell does that mean? I've written our savior chapter so I'll bring it over if you want to see it.

Saiko: I'll go to the work place now too then.

--

Saiko: You brought back the bomber from the chapter we ranked 3rd on and you've created a new detective character...

Takagi: Not all battles have to be killing or fighting! / It's a mystery solving battle against the clock! How do you like it?

--

Saiko: I think this'll do pretty well!

Takagi: Right?

Saiko: I'm going to do my best artwork ever!

--

Miura: Good job. It's well made.

Chapter 28 passed without a problem.

--

Chapter 26 and 27 did poorly, ranking at 17th and we couldn't do anything about it.

Takagi: It'll be okay. Chapter 28 will do it for us.

P16

In the first issue of the year that our chapter 28 was in, Takahama-san's "Business Boy Kenichi" debuted as well.

Takahama: It's an honor to be in the same magazine as you guys!

Takagi: Congratulations!

--

Takahama: I'm planning on buying 10 issues of this Jump on Monday!

Miyoshi: You can buy 10, but it's cheating to submit 10 surveys!

Takagi: What are you saying, Miyoshi...

--

Takagi: I bet you'll rank higher than TRAP.

Takahama: Do you think so? I don't really mind which ranks higher...

Takagi: Well, it's 45 pages long and if it ranks lower than TRAP, you have no chance of serializing it...

--

Takahama-san ranked 2nd, which is rare for a one-shot by a new artist. // Our chapter 28 that was supposed to save us ranked 15th. // Takahama-san didn't express his excitement over his rankings because of our results.

P17

Miura: I can't believe we still ranked 15th... / The quality hasn't gotten worse in any way. / I guess we lost more readers during the hiatus than we thought...

Takagi: Many readers have moved on to "Akechi Gosuke" in Week...

--

Miura: I think you're right... The tanks aren't selling as well as the 1st volume either...

--

Takagi: That means we just have to make our story better... / Even if the competition is a professional mystery writer... / If the series continues on, we'll do everything...

Saiko: The series meeting on the 16th is a Friday, but will you have the results for chapter 29 by then?

Miura: The meeting starts at 2 and the results come in after 3. / We'll get the early reports, but sometimes they differ from the real thing.

Takagi: Chapter 29 has been submitted already... Our ranking for chapter 28 might help us more than getting the early reports for chapter 29 that might not be so good...

--

Miura: Well, they won't cancel the new series / and the candidates are "Cheater" and "Hideout." It'll depend on how many new series they choose to begin... // But you two should prepare for the worst...

P18

December 16th: The day of the series meeting

Miyoshi: You're not going to the work place either, Mashiro?

Saiko: I've told Ogawa-san and the others to just finish up.

Miyoshi: Why's that?

--

Takagi: Why don't you get it? He doesn't want to hear the results with the assistants around.

Miyoshi: Oh... Just in case...

--

Miyoshi: Is everyone just going home today?

Takagi: There's no one home until later tonight.

--

Miyoshi: I'm not going to come over...

Takagi: What? Stay with me...

Miyoshi: Takagi...

--

Nakai: If Aoki-san is going to act this way... // Aida-san can't be convinced to keep going...?

--

Takagi: This might be the first time.

Miyoshi: Huh?

Takagi: I'm seriously praying to God.

P19

Chief: The new series to begin are "Strawberry Short" by Bouri Ayuhito and "Bouon Thunder" by Kimura Kazuki.

--

Assistant: Let's move on to the series to be cancelled.

--

Aida: We have to choose 2 out of the 3 that are ranking poorly...

Yoshida: We don't have any series that are concluding story-wise anytime soon.

--

Yes, those 3 are ranking poorly in comparison to the others.

If we have to choose 2 out of those 3...

This one is a must...

They were warned, but they couldn't do anything so it's inevitable.

--

Chief: Right. The series to be cancelled are the 2 on the bottom. // One is "hideout door" / and the other is...

Welcome back. Hmm wondering if you're gonna go back and do chapter 51 since no one TLed it..... Oh and sorry I didn't proof your previous chapter. They released it before I could proof and then I felt it was kind of unneeded since they already released it. -__- Anyway, my comments:

p.1: Takagi: I've listed up the suggestions our readers have made and it's getting pretty long! >> listed up the -> made a list of>> Takagi: I've made a list of suggestions our readers have made and it's getting pretty long!

p.4: Aoki: But if you decide to do this, please make it very clear to the readers that Aoki Ko is no longer writing the story and replace the writers name with your own.>> writers -> writer's

p.4: Aoki: You have to change the title too.>> title sounds a bit weird, and I can't just change it to 'name'>> You have to change the name of the series too.

p.6: Miura: Who made this story for you?>> Miura: Who wrote this story for you?

p.7: Miura: If you used every suggestion the fans make, the manga is no longer Ashirogi Muto's, but it's created by the readers... >> Miura: If you used every suggestion the fans made, the manga would no longer be by Ashirogi Muto, but created by the readers...

p7: Miura: Plus, most of your fan letters are from girls. / You have to take into account both your male and female audience. // But>> I think instead of it being 'but' at the end, I think it'd flow better into the next page/line if it was "And anyway..." or "Plus," although the 'plus' sounds a bit repetitive since it was used previously.

p.8: Miura: If you only take into account the feedback from your fan letters, they majority of suggestions are from a girl's perspective.>> they -> the>> Miura: If you only take into account the feedback from your fan letters, the majority of suggestions are from a girl's perspective.

p.8: Miura: It's not a bat thing that there are many female fans.>> Miura: It isn't bad to have many female fans.

p.8: There's no such thing as a manga that starts out by trying to become popular among female readers and I won't let you do that.>> A manga that tries to become popular among its female readers doesn't exist and I won't let you do that.

p.8: The responsibility of a Jump mangaka is to create a good shounen manga!>> A Jump mangaka is responsible for creating a good shounen manga!

p.8: Miura: I didn't mean to lecture, but what I'm saying is common sense.>> Miura: I didn't mean to lecture you guys, but what I'm saying is common sense.

p.9: Miura: Not to sound cruel, but you can't take into account all the feedback that users submit without much thought.>> not sure what you mean - do you mean they shouldn't use all of their feedback without thinking about the consequences/blindly agree with their suggestions?

p.9: Takagi: To be honest, we thought there are limitations on brining in battle scenes and it's kind of different from our original direction...>> not sure if you mean how they bring in battle scenes or the number of battle scenes or what - I assume the #Takagi: To be honest, we thought that there's a limit to how many battle scenes we can have and it's kind of different from the direction we want to go...

p.10: missing name under the 402

p.10: We started it because you said TRAP will be on hiatus until April! >> will -> would

p.10: Your a failure because you can't even understand that!>> Your -> You're

p.11: Takagi: Yeah... I bet chapter 28 that's releasing on December 5th will bring back the high rankings...Takagi: Yeah... I bet chapter 28 that'll be released on December 5th will bring back the high rankings...

p.11: So we're putting everything into chapter 28 and 29.>> So we're pulling all the stops on chapter 28 and 29.

p.12: Hiramaru: But there's a GPS in this car and Mr. Yoshida can track where I am all the time.>> Hiramaru: But there's a GPS in this car and Mr. Yoshida can track where I am at all times.

p.13: Hiramaru: What are you saying... I'm 27, I know all about taxes...>> comma -> period>> Hiramaru: What are you saying... I'm 27. I know all about taxes...

p.13: Takagi: Did he come to show off?>> insert 'here' after 'come'

p.13: I'm jealous that even still, his series is so successful.>> I'm jealous that despite that, his series is so successful.

p.14: That's impressive that she has 2 jobs even if she's not the main character.>> That's -> It's

p.15: I've written our savior chapter so I'll bring it over if you want to see it.>> I've written the chapter that'll save us so I'll bring it over if you want to see it.

p.15: Takagi: Right?>> I know, right?

p.15: Saiko: I'm going to do my best artwork ever!>> do -> draw

p.15: Chapter 26 and 27 did poorly, ranking at 17th and we couldn't do anything about it.>> Chapter 26 and 27 did poorly ranked 17th, but we couldn't do anything about it.

p.16: Our chapter 28 that was supposed to save us ranked 15th. // Takahama-san didn't express his excitement over his rankings because of our results.>> Our chapter 28 which was supposed to save us ranked 15th. // Takahama-san didn't express his excitement over his ranking because of our results.

p.17: Our ranking for chapter 28 might help us more than getting the early reports for chapter 29 that might not be so good...>> Our ranking for chapter 28 might help us more than the early reports for chapter 29, which might not be so good... (dropped 'getting')

p.19: Aida: We have to choose 2 out of the 3 that are ranking poorly...>> Aida: We have to choose 2 out of the 3 that have a poor ranking... OR>> Aida: We have to choose 2 out of the 3 that are ranked low...

p.19: and the other is... >> and the other one is...

Wondering which manga is the other one.... Hope it's not Trap, but -__-