I also loooked at some of the replies and this one struck home with me:

Ryan, I am a mother who relinquished my child for adoption, recently reunited when he turned 18. I would love the chance to talk with you, if you would like, on the complex emotions that mothers have during reunion. I'm also an adoptive mother, and a mental health counselor, with a specialty in adoption issues. I know in the depth of my heart that your mother loves you, and has grieved the loss of you in her life from the moment of relinquishment. She believed with her whole heart, that she was doing what was "best" for you; she was not informed how painful adoption can be for adoptees. My son has been battling feelings of abandonment, and rejection; of never quite "fitting in" to his extended adoptive family. He is so angry, and hurt, by the decision that I made; it hurt us both on a profound level. We as mothers didn't know how painful adoption would be for our children. We were told that we would "get over it", and "move on" with our lives. We do not. And cannot. Our children were born in our heart and they remain there forever. This is not to say that my son didn't have a good adoptive home; he did, his adoptive parents were excellent parents and he loved them very much. But something was broken in both of us when we parted ways, and reunion reopened those wounds. When you find your mom, she is going to fall apart, emotionally. All of those feelings of the initial loss will come back to her and flood her; she will break down and be clingy and emotionally unstable for quite some time; she will have a terrible fear of losing you again, of you rejecting her. It will overwhelm her, truly. Please be patient with her, as she processes these intense emotions. Many adoptees are overwhelmed when they finally do meet their mothers, and their mothers fall to pieces. Be very gentle with her, and assure her of your love for her. 99% of natural mothers polled want to see their children again, and to be a part of their lives. They do not search, because they feel they don't want to "intrude" on happy lives, to hurt adoptive parents feelings; they fear another rejection, one they feel that they may not be able to endure. If you'd like to talk about it, reach out to me. I can also recommend some good books as resources for you on your journey. Hugs to you. You are loved. XX﻿