I hate working out. I’m not proud of that and, despite my aversion to exercise, I do engage in quite a bit of it. I enjoy long bike rides, hiking and getting caught in the rain. That said, staying fit can be tedious. Perhaps that’s because exercise equipment is so dull. Treadmills? Without outdoor scenery, running is the fitness equivalent of watching paint dry. Plus, they confuse cats. Elliptical machines just look like medieval torture devices. And free weights? Talk about a death trap. On top of all that, gyms smell like BO and make me itch in my special areas. However, I understand the importance of maintaining my health, so I’ve been searching for a piece of exercise equipment that seems logical and will hold my interest. Thankfully, SkyMall will help us all break a sweat without ever having to step foot in a gym (which is great, because I hate having to leave SkyMall Monday headquarters). Put on your Spandex unitard, do some stretches and prepare to get into the best shape of your life with the Talking Hand Exerciser.We all tend to neglect our hands when working out. Most people prefer to focus on their vanity muscles: abs, biceps and tongue. Our hands, however, do all of the heavy lifting. Improving hand strength is critical to personal development. In fact, I’ve been working out my hands since I was about 13 or so. Back then, I could pump out some reps a few times a day. Now, I tend to need more recovery time in between workouts.

Think that hand exercises are stupid? Believe that fitness equipment should be seen but not heard? Well, while you’re sweating to the oldies, we’ll be reading the product description:

Work to increase your grip force and improve your hand and finger strength with this easy-to-use hand exerciser. Featuring an LCD display plus voice announcement, the Talking Hand Exerciser will tell you the number of grips, grip force (current and accumulated) and max grip force.

How many times have your doctors, trainers and clergymen told you to work on your accumulated grip force? Isn’t it time that you stopped shaking their hands flaccidly and started taking their advice?

Plus, who has time to count their own number of grips? Not me. No, I need my max grip force announced in a voice that (I presume) sounds like Stephen Hawking.

Crush those around you by getting your hands in shape with the smartest pieces of exercise equipment in the world today. It sure beats whatever the hell is happening at this spin class.