Watch Waffles life after the Ex, will he die of masturbation, some crazy date, or alcohol poisoning with the marines

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Thinking Ahead

I have spent some time thinking about the things I will need to do to be successfully single. I will discuss these with you as the months go on. The first step is setting up the bachelor pad. The love den. The honey pot. Ahh yeah.

If left to me we would end up with a bedroom that you enter. It has leopard skin fur comforter. I click a button and the lights dim. Another button causes the disco ball to descend from the mirrored ceiling, lights flashing, twirling, putting the victim into a hypnotic trance. The final click causes the smooth voice of Barry White to pour out of the sound system singing the appropriate, sexy, love song - An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig.

So if anyone wants to help me avoid disaster and possible arrest and suggest some appropriate interior design ideas that would be fun.

First, find a woman of low intelligence -- the bigger the boobs, the better. Then, contact Michael Jackson's family and have them send you some of that shit Michael was taking. Finally, if all else fails, take a picture of her, head to the bathroom, ...