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A fool's dating tips

We spend a lot of time on our site trying to give you helpful and relevant tips to make online dating smoother. Here, we thought we’d give you a laugh instead! :)

Because everyone puts their foot in their mouth occasionally. Some people just do it like it’s their job! Meet Dating Fool #1 and hear how he has managed to be on our website for months and STILL get no dates.

Nicknames: “...but everyone calls me Sexbomb”

Here’s where people really get creative. Why would anyone want to be called their name if you can come up with such attractive nicknames as Sexbomb, T-Dog or Shrew. If it's not an attractive nickname, sometimes it's just plain confusing. AAA for example. Imagine addressing somebody like that. "Hi, A-A-A!" or is it "Hi, triple A"? And does the name have anything to do with an anonymous group?

Your Profile:

Personality description offers awesome opportunities to join the army of fools. The following six cases are just the most common ones. Anyone willing to become a fool should feel no restraint in inventing something more sophisticated.

No description."If they want to know something about me, they’ll ask". Super welcoming of you! That’s like expecting someone to have the courage to walk up to a stranger and say, “Tell me your life story from start to finish”. Or giving one word answers to questions someone asks you in a bar. A serious user wants something to start a meaningful conversation with and it's nearly impossible to work with this:

“I am who I am...”. That’s great for you. Self-confidence is a good quality and can be very attractive. You’ve just forgotten the whole reason that someone is reading about you on a dating website: They don’t know you! So if this is all you have to say about yourself, most potential matches are back to square one: Who are you?

“...so if you wanna learn more about me, write me”. Although some people might write this to sound intriguing or to entice people into conversation, you’ve forgotten that for many people, especially women, writing a message to someone they don’t know can take a lot of courage. Even the beginning of a relationship is about give and take. Putting yourself out there feels a bit unnerving, but just try! I’m sure your potential dates would welcome it!

Q: "What are you like?" A: "You'd have to ask my friends". Ok, give me their number and I'll call them. That's how interested your secrecy has made me, Mysterious Enigma! I’m sure I’d have to ask your friends because you are just too complicated and broody to understand yourself... If this answer isn’t a cop-out, I don’t know what is!

“Don't know.” Another popular one. Believe it or not, we’ve seen a lot of these. It might sound modest to the author, but the viewer is left puzzled. Who else should know but you?

“If she can’t take a joke, we shouldn’t be dating anyway”. Anyone can connect with my sense of humour immediately, right? It’s not that she can’t take a joke, it’s just that she doesn’t know you yet. As a woman, something jokingly suggestive or sexistic could sound hilarious coming from a friend...and just plain old creepy coming from an online dating profile. If you want to lead with remarks like that, feel free to visit stone-age-dating.com and jerk-and-perv.net!

Profile Photo: Portrait of a Fool

Although some of these are an honest effort to show off your personality or what you like to do...that’s what the Photo Gallery is for! You can add up to 50 extra photos other than your profile photo. Plenty of room for self expression...but people also want to know what you look like! Here are some profile photos that don't help show off your warm, welcoming smile:

A funny image. Imagine for a moment that you're looking for a life partner and you get a message from somebody you don't know at all telling you that they'd love to meet you. You look at their profile photo and what you see is one of the following real samples:

Brilliant first impression, right? I know I’d certainly want to go on a date straight away if I saw the exorcist girl on a counterpart’s profile.

2 people in the profile photo. "Which one are you" is the only sure message this picture triggers. Showing off your friends and family is always nice but people have to know what you look like first! Some jokers take it to the next level and use a photo of a couple. A photo of a couple among singles on a dating site. Funny.....

Landscape or abstract art. Another great form of self expression! It may say a lot about someone's taste or personality, but that's what personality description and the Photo Gallery are for. Your profile image is to show what you look like.

A pet. We totally get this one. They are always by your side and you want to highlight that. Most people will be happy to see you have a pet that you love! ...so that’s what the Photo Gallery is for! If it’s your profile photo, it doesn't show who you are and could lead to some ridiculous situations:

And another dog

No photo. Similar to "No description". All you get to see of another person on a dating website is a photo and several self-describing notes. Imagine for example, that a woman gets six different conversation requests. Five of them from male users with complete profiles and nice photos and one with no description and no photo (see the image below). Who is she NOT going to reply to?

Messages

Social media should be teaching us to think before we speak. After all you have time to think before hitting post, but the need to be the first to react is often stronger. On a dating website, you're trying to impress, so a little thinking is necessary...

Smiley. And another one. And another. And... Smiley is a great tool to attract someone's attention. As a communication tool it's pretty limited though. There's no need to send multiple ones as most people get the message with the first smiley they receive. :-) ;-) :-P :-D

“Hi, how RU?” Starting a conservation politely is always a good move. But you also run the risk of getting a "fine, thanks." Where does that get you in terms of dating? Try asking a more engaging question at the start and keeping the “how RU?” to strike up later conversations. So maybe try: “Did you see the match last night?”, “Have you ever been to {your favourite bar}? I went there last night and it was awesome!”, or asking them a question about their profile always works too!

“What RU doing?” Well if someone reads this and all they’re doing at the moment is eating a sandwich on their lunch break, they might not feel like responding. People rarely give a stranger a play-by-play of their days. Try "What do you do?" instead.

Being pushy. Sometimes, people don’t feel like putting in the time to see if there is initial interest. They just go for an unsolicited: "Can I ask you out?". Most women, like the one below, aren’t going to trust someone straight away.

Have you seen anything funny which you think we forgot to include on the list? Please write us via support.

We hope serious users got a little entertainment out of this and jokers learned something.

We’re all for a sense of humour- just make sure the joke isn’t on you ;)