Stories that are truly false!!

ME, MY DAD & FACEBOOK

On the 15th of February at exactly 3:07AM (AM not PM o…hmmm) Eureka beeped & I woke up instantly. Now for most of you who don’t know this, Eureka is my Blackberry’s pet name & sadly *sob* she’s been diagnosed with stage 4 fruitilosis cancer & she might kick the bucket any time soon. *sniff* I hope it aint weird that I share such a special bond with my phone… a bit fruity I know but that’s not what this post is bout. Anyways, Eureka beeped & I immediately woke up & saw a facebook notification. I opened my facebook app hoping Eva Mendez had finally replied one of my “Thousands of stalker-wallposts” but no…It was a friend request from my Dad. I was shocked & pissed, not cause it was a friend request from my dad but cause it was 3:07AM & the nigger was facebooking. I mean how did he even get over 80 friends?? *Sigh* This was the 6th friend request I was getting from him & (of cos) the previous 5 were declined. So this time around he sent a message along with the friend request saying

If hear any of you say “awww,Chyk u’re wicked” I will kill you. You sef think am na. It was a smart move by him tho. He was meant to send me some money later on that day & (although he didn’t say it) I figured this was a classic case of “Scratch my back & I’ll scratch yours”. Smart huh?! *Obesere Shrug*I read the message over & over again & the second part got me thinking…

“… Why don’t you want to accept my request?”

I felt mean. This was the guy that put me through high school & college… The same guy that promised never to beat his first kid (Me 🙂 ) & he never did… although my mum used to woop my ass wen I was “littler” but not in front of my dad tho… The same guy who offered to be my wingman for a night 2 years ago (although I still feel he was kidding bout that)…. I gave it a thought & finally accepted his request … Now I started thinking up weird scenarios.For instance, what If I saw a picture of a hottie on facebook, say @PweetyMissDea , what if I saw a picture of her in a red dress looking all sexy & shit wf her long hair & I wanted to do some “Razz flirting” & I went…

“Chyk,when did you become a mechanic? Give her Amechi the mechanic’s number. He can help “service her gen” very well. He’s good at that. Your uncle Mike said he serviced his gen so well he calls him regularly to service other things”

You see where im going with this right?! It’s a big disaster!!! It is for this reason that I’ve decided to stop facebooking…FINALLY… Except I wanna wish hapi bday to fruits but besides that… NADA!!! I feel like im being monitored in a sinful environment. Kinda like someone gave me a copy of a playboy mag along with a bottle of lotion then went ahead & installed surveillance cameras in my room. Not cool yea?? I know. O well, like @idahosajoy would say ‘Isogu, Isoke, Isorai’.

Oh & umm just for the record I think that “which came first?? The chicken or the egg?” argument is quite stupid. Like Duuuuuuuhhhh, the chicken “came” first. I mean, chickens have either dicks or pussies (or simply put “reproductive organs”). They get to have sex with one another & I assume they “cum” while doing that. Eggs on the other hand don’t have nada. So I think its pretty obvious that the chicken “came” first. Ermmmm… #OkBye