Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Today is the day. Today I get up, and wake my son. I
make sure he is dressed and fed. Today is the day when I hug him tight and kiss
his beautiful face, not once, not twice but over and over again. Today is the
day when, as I say good bye I feel my heart break. The pain so fierce I think I
might die. And I am surprised that I did not... did not die. When I see him
walk away, I want to scream and shout, feral in my pain and fear. I want to
hold him back. Tell him to stop and stay. But today is the day, I will not. I
will bid him farewell and watch him till I can't see him anymore. Yes
today is the day when I will live knowing I might never set my eyes upon him.I will not know where and how he is. I have
wondered if not knowing is worse than death and yet I cannot see life snuffed
out of the child I brought into this world. I have to choose and I must
protect. So today I will watch my heart walk out of my body. My soul will never
be the same again.

But, I will live in the hope that my heart will find
its way back to where it belongs.

I am angry and I am very afraid. I leave my Mother,
my house, and everything I know. I leave fear behind but the unknown and more
fear await me. How do I walk away from the woman who taught me to walk, maybe
to never return? Uncle speaks of a wonderful world beyond those Blue Mountains.
But the voice inside me shouts that, that is a lie. For there can be no place
on earth, more beautiful than my village. I want to pick fruit and climb trees
in the apple orchard...one last time. I want to run to the Madarsa and
clasp the gnarled hands of the friendly Imam....one last time. A game
of football with Khalid in the fields behind the graveyard...one last time.
Pull my sister Shazia's pigtails…one last time. Why did I miss school and spend
time plotting and planning my next mischief, with my friends, under the almond
tree? If I had not, maybe then I could stay. I should have fetched water for
Mother and helped Shazia collect firewood. Maybe then, they would let me stay.
I have prayed and promised Allah that I will be a good boy. But Allah is really
mad at me, for today, I will have to leave. They tell me I must leave to save
my life. My roots severed, I do not know how I will fly.

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Janamashtami, the festival which celebrates the birth of Lord Krishna is truly a special day. His life, his message is for all humanity. Shree Krishna was dear to young and old alike.
My own A and A are big fans of Shri Krishna, reading and re-reading stories of his life. They started their day, this Janamashtami by thinking about Shree Krishna's life and his message.
Here is their take on Shree Krishna's life and message :

Today it is Janamashtami. It is a birthday of a special avatar and his name is Krishna. His birthday is mostly celebrated on August. He is a very special avatar to us. One scary part of his life is, that there was an evil snake called Kalia. Whenever someone came to drink water from Yamuna River everyone got poisoned and died.His Uncle Kansa was so mean and greedy that Krishna had to kill him.Another incident was stealing Makhan(butter). Krishna did not steal Makhan, for no reason. It was for a very good reason. He did it because everyone was giving the butter to Kansa and not to the children.Another incident of his life was that he had a friend called Sudama. Krishna saw so much love in Sudama, that he gave his own palace to him. If we love God, he will give us everything.Happy Janamashtami to All of You.

By Little A ( 6 yrs)

Today it is a special day. It is Janamashtami. Janamashtami is the day Krishna was born. Krishna was a great person and he did great things in life to teach us how to live our lives. Krishna was an Avatar and his message to us is mainly : That if we are united, together we can destroy evil and make a change in the world.Here is an example of an incident in his life: Pootna was a demon, Kansa had sent to kill Krishna. Pootna disguised herself into a village woman. Krishna was very young and cute at that time. Pootna reached Krishna's house. Somehow she got a chance to be alone with Krishna, but Krishna sensed danger. She already had her breast smeared with poison. However Pootna was no comparison for Krishna. Young Krishna suckled at her breast and Pootna died. This teaches us that whatever form danger comes in, be alert and face it.When Krishna was a boy , he was very mischievous. He used to steal Makhna/ Butter from the Gopis houses. Although he had a reason. The reason was that everyday the Gopis had to sell the Makhan in Mathura. So Krishna's friends barely got any butter, curd or milk to eat and drink. So Krishna taught everyone that children need to play and eat well too.There is another event that took place in Krishna's life. . Kansa was an evil man. Krishna was his biggest enemy. Kansa was also Krishna's Mama. So did Krishna not fight? No! he was brave and vanquished his Uncle. This teaches us even if someone close to us is spreading evil in the society, we still have to fight them. Another event which teaches us a lot involves Arjun. Arjun before the Battle of Kurukshetra. Both Arjun and Duryodhan were at Krishna's Palace. Krishna said Duryodhan and Arjun had a choice. They could choose between him and a million soldiers. Arjun immediately answered ," I don't want a million soldiers, I just want you". Duryodhan thought a million soldiers was better and later lost.This teaches you to have Faith in God. If God is on your side, you will win.Lastly, Arjun was on the battlefield and the battle was about to start. But Arjun's hands were trembling. The thought of fighting his Uncles and cousins scared him. Then Krishna sang the 'Bhagvad Geeta' and all his fears went. He bravely fought and Krishna remained his great friend.There is also one more thing to remember: Life is like a Game, you win some and lose some, but you should never give up.Happy Janamashtami!

Friday, August 23, 2013

Incidents like today and those others, which do not credit any media coverage, test my faith and resolve. My dear friend, a strong, intelligent and independent woman told me, that this is one of the reasons, why she is averse to celebrating our Country's Independence. You my friend, say that the city and the Nation have no heart. We have been long dead.

I agree with you, not because I am a woman who knows what it is to have her personal space violated. Who as a young girl has strategized how to ward off advances of men like 'Shakti Kapoor' the personification of the Bad Man in a 9yr Old's mind, who had seen enough Bollywood movies and seen enough of life, as it was around her.

There is no debating your anger. It is rightly placed. You have rightly said that we have anarchy in the name of State. I am angry too. I am furious and frustrated. And as a Mother and a Mother of a precious girl child, I have never known fear or worry, the way I know it now.

I agree with everything you say, my friend. But one.
I refuse to, NOT, celebrate men and women who gave their blood and sweat for this Land. They developed a beautiful Civilization and an amazing Culture. Agasti, Vishwamitra, Vashishtha, Gargi, Vallabhacharya, Chanakya, Adi Shankracharya etc. are names that have a body of work behind them which gives me goose bumps. They inspire me and give me direction.
And later on the men and women who fought the war of Freedom, so that this Country could be free to further strengthen this Culture and take the message of love for humanity and all Creation, far and wide. I WILL celebrate them.

This is the Land of Great Men and Women and Sages and Avatars. And though my resolve is being tested and I fear it will take a further beating, I will try not to not bow down. I will not let cultural and moral bankruptcy and pure evil obliterate the majestic work of many.

Its takes hundreds of years to develop a Civilization and shape a Culture. And it can fall apart in just a few years. We have been falling apart for many, many years now. We are riding the wave of breakdown, anarchy and chaos of every kind.

Today is not the day when I will ruminate on why's and how's. I am not even going to think on solutions. Because the solution is clear in my mind but its not instant or legal or administrative.
I am not looking to blame anyone today, because there are too many actors in this play.

But undoubtedly, this Battle between the Good and Evil, Right and Wrong is age old. There have been Narakasurs and Ravanas, who did what they did, because they wanted to and because they could. Till they were stopped.
The Evil is stronger in this Yuga undoubtedly. But as a great Man and my greatest inspiration said, it is my chance to prove my mettle. Because I am going to be tested the most today, as a believer in the Good and Right. I will choose the Right side and do my bit in this Battle. I have chosen and want to walk the Path of Karmayog. I am going to try, to not speak the language of inaction, failure and pessimism. I will try to transform my anger to Right Action. I will try, and try harder.

Hence dear friend, I will celebrate goodness and greatness in the face of this greatest evil. Because some maybe dead but you and I are not. We must continue to live and act.

Monday, August 12, 2013

We are so glad that you finally dragged yourself away from tweeting. Understandably it must also be very difficult to stop ruminating over Kohli's decision to not let Parvez Rasool play the just concluded ODI series against Zimbabwe. But we are glad you moved on.

We the people of the Jammu Region, the minority, are elated that you are finally attempting to take stock of the 'situation' in Kishtwar. And are praying that Cricket, Tweeting or any such thing will not distract you from your job. Sir in my correspondence I will refer to the people of the Jammu Region which includes 10 Districts (Jammu, Kathua, Samba, Udhampur, Kishtwar, Doda, Rajouri, Poonch, Ramban and Reasi) as Jammuites to be fair and inclusive of all the Ethnic Identities...Dogras, Kishtwaris, Bhaderwahis, Kashmiri Pandits, Poonchis etc.

The people of the region as you might know, were already upset about the LOC ceasefire violations by our neighbor. The icing on the cake was the divided, and embarrassing reaction and the crude insensitive remarks about the incident by your political fraternity. The Kishtwar incident just further pushes us into the corner.

Your colleague Mr. Azad claimed in an interview to DD, that Kishtwar is one of the most peaceful districts in the state. True it is the land of Saffron and Sufis. But though the Saffron is still there, the Sufis have long gone. If I may remind Respectd Azadji, the Sufis have been replaced by home and 'across the border' grown terrorists and foreign mercenaries. As reported by many minorities from the region the city is always tensed, ahead of Eid. This known fact, definitely demanded more preparedness by the local administration.

You have gone on record saying “…As to how the situation developed, whether there were any administrative lapses, and if there were any lapses, who were responsible, and swift action will follow. Does this mean you assure us of the sacking of the Local MLA and State Minister of Home Sajjad Kitchloo for his very disturbing and conniving role in the carnage in Kishtwar.

The Local administration and the Police who stood by and allegedly aided the miscreants as the minority were being persecuted, must be booked. Sir, friends and relatives from Kishtwar are saying that the Police let enough time pass, before acting, hence allowing massive property damage. This definitely demands a high level investigation. The early reports stated, the injured being shifted to hospitals in other Districts as the local hospital refused to admit them. This news makes us very sad Jenaab.

I read somewhere that you asked who are these people who are protesting. Well Jenaab with some consternation and honesty we admit, that it is mostly us Jammuites who were and are protesting against the violence in Kistwar. But then someone had to.
The National media was busy reporting the trade verdict of 'Chennai Express'. Most of us love SRK Jenaab, but we love our bretherens from the Jammu Region too. So we chose to stand by them in their moment of crisis. We protest because we are scared and angry and want justice.

Sir, a 74 year old, who returned to the land of his ancestors, after a lifetime of hard work outside the state, is being advised to buy property in Delhi or Chandigarh, because the minorities fear that in 6-7 years Jammu Region would turn into Kashmir. Far-fetched? But its common knowledge Sir, we still await the rightful return of the Kashmiri Pandits.
We must share this with you, that the rumors going around amongst the minorities, suggest that this is just the beginning of the second act of Ethnic Cleansing. Many of us disagree, for though we are a minority, we are pretty stoic and are going no where. But it is also true that the fast changing demography of the State is because of forced migration. Migration arising due to such incidents and an atmosphere of fear and persecution.

Jenaab our people are angry. We pay our taxes, cast our vote and vow our allegiance to the State and the Nation. We proudly fly the Indian Flag, yet we have no voice and are almost invisible. We have been for a long time treated as that poor cousin, the unwanted house guest, who is humiliated and starved into fleeing the home

Sir you said some political parties take advantage and polarize such situations. You have hit the bulls eye Sir. This is what, always happens. It becomes a free for all. A 'Chance pe Dance Kar Le'...for all. We would humbly suggest, that you kindly make a note of that and next time in such an event make sure that there is a prompt, effective, and fair intervention by the State Government. Declaring Curfew at 12 pm and imposing it at 8pm, was not a very smart decision even by a long stretch.
We condemn the stray incidents of communal violence that followed, and feel that they were completely avoidable if the state Machinery had behaved differently.

Jenaab you have sprung into action by clamping curfew in 8 out 10 Districts of Jammu Region, preventing media from reporting, and have cut off mobile internet. You have not allowed the opposition from visiting Kishtwar. You said the local Administration in such situations make decisions to allow media, political leaders and others in the troubled areas. As well wishers, we must tell you that this is seemingly undemocratic. We suspect, you have your good reasons but this also does not seem fair, Sir.
In the Valley, whenever Geelani Uncle gets mad and wants support, his good friend Arundhati Roy flies past the Jammu Region and stands by him. An otherwise intelligent lady Ms. Roy, sadly, does not like us people of the Jammu Region. We have a sneaking suspicion Sir, that her friend Geelani Uncle has lead her to believe we do not exist.

You stopped Mr. Arun Jaitley, Mr Soz and Mehbooba Didi from visiting Kistwar. Why did you do that? It does not help your cause, for you should have nothing to hide.We are so desperate for attention, we Jammuites, since nobody wants to talk to us, we would have happily allowed anyone for a cup of Desi Chai and a word of empathy.

We have some other very important piece of news for you. Amongst the Jammuites, Narendra Modi, is gaining popularity, as fast as the Indian Rupee is losing its value. He it seems had heard of the Kishtwar incindent and remembered to speak for us even as he prepared to address his very important and big rally in Hyderabad. Sadly Sir, nobody else did.

Jenaab Omar Sahib, the young people from Jammu Region are afraid to talk about the incident on social networking sites now, because they fear a backlash and even arrest. If they could, they would tell the Nation, that the loss of life and damage to property is much more than being shown on National Media.

We are a simple and gentle people, us Jammuites. You have suspended the Machail Mata Yatra, the Buddha Amaranth Yatra and the Amarnath Yatra, which are very important for us, but we will live. In fact we are doing all, to make things easy for the Yatris/Pilgrims who are stuck in different base Camps.
But we hope in return, that we do not have to remind you, to do the needful. We expect appropriate compensation to the victims, a probe into the incident and holding responsible both miscreants and Civil Authorities including, your Minister of State Sajjad Kitchloo, for the dastardly acts.

Jenaab Omar Abdullah, the Jammu Region, is rooted in a culture of love, tolerance, and co-existence. Since we are peace loving, you do not have to remind us to maintain peace. But we also have a strong Martial Tradition and can stand up for our Rights. So do not test our patience and most certainly do not take us for granted.

Yours Truly,
Concerned Minority - The People of the Jammu Region.

P.S: The Word Minority is demeaning and not our favourite way to describe ourselves, but it does seem to have an attention grabbing quality and hence its factual but liberal use.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

We are so glad that you finally dragged yourself away from tweeting. Understandably it must also be very difficult to stop ruminating over Kohli's decision to not let Parvez Rasool play the just concluded ODI series against Zimbabwe. But we are glad you moved on.

We the people of the Jammu Region, the minority, are elated that you are finally attempting to take stock of the 'situation' in Kishtwar. And are praying that Cricket, Tweeting or any such thing will not distract you from your job. Sir in my correspondence I will refer to the people of the Jammu Region which includes 10 Districts (Jammu, Kathua, Samba, Udhampur, Kishtwar, Doda, Rajouri, Poonch, Ramban and Reasi) as Jammuites to be fair and inclusive of all the Ethnic Identities...Dogras, Kishtwaris, Bhaderwahis, Kashmiri Pandits, Poonchis etc.

The people of the region as you might know, were already upset about the LOC ceasefire violations by our neighbor. The icing on the cake was the divided, and embarrassing reaction and the crude insensitive remarks about the incident by your political fraternity. The Kishtwar incident just further pushes us into the corner.

Your colleague Mr. Azad claimed in an interview to DD, that Kishtwar is one of the most peaceful districts in the state. True it is the land of Saffron and Sufis. But though the Saffron is still there, the Sufis have long gone. If I may remind Respectd Azadji, the Sufis have been replaced by home and 'across the border' grown terrorists and foreign mercenaries. As reported by many minorities from the region the city is always tensed, ahead of Eid. This known fact, definitely demanded more preparedness by the local administration.

You have gone on record saying “…As to how the situation developed, whether there were any administrative lapses, and if there were any lapses, who were responsible, and swift action will follow. Does this mean you assure us of the sacking of the Local MLA and State Minister of Home Sajjad Kitchloo for his very disturbing and conniving role in the carnage in Kishtwar.

The Local administration and the Police who stood by and allegedly aided the miscreants as the minority were being persecuted, must be booked. Sir, friends and relatives from Kishtwar are saying that the Police let enough time pass, before acting, hence allowing massive property damage. This definitely demands a high level investigation. The early reports stated, the injured being shifted to hospitals in other Districts as the local hospital refused to admit them. This news makes us very sad Jenaab.

I read somewhere that you asked who are these people who are protesting. Well Jenaab with some consternation and honesty we admit, that it is mostly us Jammuites who were and are protesting against the violence in Kistwar. But then someone had to.
The National media was busy reporting the trade verdict of 'Chennai Express'. Most of us love SRK Jenaab, but we love our bretherens from the Jammu Region too. So we chose to stand by them in their moment of crisis. We protest because we are scared and angry and want justice.

Sir, a 74 year old, who returned to the land of his ancestors, after a lifetime of hard work outside the state, is being advised to buy property in Delhi or Chandigarh, because the minorities fear that in 6-7 years Jammu Region would turn into Kashmir. Far-fetched? But its common knowledge Sir, we still await the rightful return of the Kashmiri Pandits.
We must share this with you, that the rumors going around amongst the minorities, suggest that this is just the beginning of the second act of Ethnic Cleansing. Many of us disagree, for though we are a minority, we are pretty stoic and are going no where. But it is also true that the fast changing demography of the State is because of forced migration. Migration arising due to such incidents and an atmosphere of fear and persecution.

Jenaab our people are angry. We pay our taxes, cast our vote and vow our allegiance to the State and the Nation. We proudly fly the Indian Flag, yet we have no voice and are almost invisible. We have been for a long time treated as that poor cousin, the unwanted house guest, who is humiliated and starved into fleeing the home

Sir you said some political parties take advantage and polarize such situations. You have hit the bulls eye Sir. This is what, always happens. We would humbly suggest, that you kindly make a note of that and next time in such an event make sure that there is a prompt, effective, and fair intervention by the State Government. Declaring Curfew at 12 pm and imposing it at 8pm, was not a very smart decision even by a long stretch.
We condemn the stray incidents of communal violence that followed, and feel that they were completely avoidable if the state Machinery had behaved differently.

Jenaab you have sprung into action by clamping curfew in 8 out 10 Districts of Jammu Region, preventing media from reporting, and have cut off mobile internet. You have not allowed the opposition from visiting Kishtwar. You said the local Administration in such situations make decisions to allow media, political leaders and others in the troubled areas. As well wishers, we must tell you that this is seemingly undemocratic. We suspect, you have your good reasons but this also does not seem fair, Sir.
In the Valley, whenever Geelani Uncle gets mad and wants support, his good friend Arundhati Roy flies past the Jammu Region and stands by him. An otherwise intelligent lady Ms. Roy, sadly, does not like us people of the Jammu Region. We have a sneaking suspicion Sir, that her friend Geelani Uncle has lead her to believe we do not exist.

You stopped Mr. Arun Jaitley, Mr Soz and Mehbooba Didi from visiting Kistwar. Why did you do that? It does not help your cause, for you should have nothing to hide.We are so desperate for attention, we Jammuites, since nobody wants to talk to us, we would have happily allowed anyone for a cup of Desi Chai and a word of empathy.

We have some other very important piece of news for you. Amongst the Jammuites, Narendra Modi, is gaining popularity, as fast as the Indian Rupee is losing its value. He it seems had heard of the Kishtwar incindent and remembered to speak for us even as he prepared to address his very important and big rally in Hyderabad. Sadly Sir, nobody else did.

Jenaab Omar Sahib, the young people from Jammu Region are afraid to talk about the incident on social networking sites now, because they fear a backlash and even arrest. If they could, they would tell the Nation, that the loss of life and damage to property is much more than being shown on National Media.

We are a simple and gentle people, us Jammuites. You have suspended the Machail Mata Yatra, the Buddha Amaranth Yatra and the Amarnath Yatra, which are very important for us, but we will live. In fact we are doing all, to make things easy for the Yatris/Pilgrims who are stuck in different base Camps.
But we hope in return, that we do not have to remind you, to do the needful. We expect appropriate compensation to the victims, a probe into the incident and holding responsible both miscreants and Civil Authorities including, your Minister of State Sajjad Kitchloo, for the dastardly acts.

Jenaab Omar Abdullah, the Jammu Region, is rooted in a culture of love, tolerance, and co-existence. Since we are peace loving, you do not have to remind us to maintain peace. But we also have a strong Martial Tradition and can stand up for our Rights. So do not test our patience and most certainly do not take us for granted.

Yours Truly,
Concerned Minority - The People of the Jammu Region.

P.S: The Word Minority is demeaning and not our favourite way to describe ourselves, but it does seem to have an attention grabbing quality and hence its factual but liberal use.

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

As I walked to the park for my morning run today I crossed the Civic Centre parking area. They had a sign which said "Citizenship Parking". It meant that many who have applied for British Citizenship will be taking their Oath and pledging their allegiance to their new Country and her Queen. Hence the need for extra parking space today. I saw many Indians walking in, dressed in their best. And all I felt was deep sadness, a sense of loss and failure.

I have always been Patriotic. I almost did not marry the love of my life because he was planning to move to the US. I was one of the biggest reasons why he chose to stay with an Indian Company at a time when it was a piece of cake for anyone in IT to move to the US. Happily enough as destiny would have it, we have travelled far and wide with that Indian Company and on our Indian Passports.

A few years back, a younger, more hot headed me could not understand why people chose to give up their Indian Passports. It made me angry and resentful. I wanted to shout (ridiculously enough) Bharat Mata ki Jai and Vande Matram in their faces. I wore my Indian Citizenship as a bright red cape around my shoulders, if not a halo on my head. In my mind those who chose to give up their Indian Citizenship, were abandoning their Country of birth. I saw it as an easy way out. Cowardice. Escapism. Lack of Integrity.

Life and time have enabled me to see their point of view too. And that was the start of sadness and a sense of failure.

I have seen a small town, high school graduate, a widow with a one year old child, move to the US and live a life of dignity and relative comfort. Her daughter, going to the same school as other more affluent children and exposed to almost similar opportunities. I shudder to think how different it could have been for them in India.

I know a Mother whose child has special needs. And yet here, the child has access to the best services and most importantly equal opportunities. Why will she go back to a Country where meeting the most basic needs of her child like access to schools, public places will be a huge challenge for her?

Another friend works hard to meet ends meet. She is a single parent with a job which does not pay much. Yet her child attends the same school as my children. The differences in our incomes has not prevented her child from getting quality education. Going back would mean sending the child to a Government run school. The state of our government run, subsidized schools leaves much to be desired.
Different people, different reasons. I try to and understand their reasons. Sometimes its about money and opportunities, and more often its about lifestyle and easy access to basic services. Albeit some reasons of 'practicality' and 'convenience', I will never understand. Since to me, my passport is more than a document.

The anger has gone, leaving behind a sense of shame and failure. I feel, I failed all these people who do not want to live in my country anymore.
Me and my Nation have also failed those, who live in my country, but still hang onto their Foreign Passports like a security blanket. My Nation has failed to win their trust.
I wonder how we reached a point, where we congratulate others on acquiring a new Citizenship status and actually celebrate it.
I secretly hope for the day when my children who are naturalized American Citizens, having been born there, as adults will choose Indian Passports over their American ones for a love of the country.

Food, water, security, health,education and equal opportunity is what every man wants. I do not blame all those who give up their Indian passports. If man is in a fight or flight mode he can never develop. And every man has a right to live and in a place of his choice.

Having said this I will not lessen the work and sacrifices of all those who have done so much for India. Those friends, relatives and acquaintances who work in different sectors, working hard to make a difference. They had a choice and they chose to do this. I live in awe of them.
I cannot undermine individual responsibility for the state of my Nation. One of my nightmares is being driven to a situation, where I am forced to seek refuge or citizenship in a country other than my country of birth. I see enough people at work who have been driven out of their lands, uprooted, lost and yearning to return. I am grateful for the the choice and the freedom to live in my homeland. And even more grateful to the people who make this a possibility.

I hold onto my Indian Passport proudly. I am still not in a place where I take it lightly. My identity and my passport has given me much. I am proud of it. My Nation is my Mother...chaotic but mine.
My Passport has given me strength to face racist barbs head on. I will not cower because I begged you to take me in. I belong to India and I am here only for a reason. It gives me these words. A Voice. A Stand.

Durlabham Bahrate Janama...its a rare privilege to be born in India. I truly believe that. I am grateful for being born in my country and into my Philosophy. But I wait and work towards a day when the Indian Passport will be cherished and sought after.
So I maybe happy for people and my many friends because they are getting what they wanted, but I do not have the heart to congratulate them on this day.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Its getting repetitive and it is nowhere near ending.
And we do this to each other again and again and again.
Lifestyle choices need not be justified until and unless they affect the larger good of a large number of people.
If the personal is not overflowing into the public, let it rest.
If my decision has an impact on me, my family, my community and society at large it is for me to think, introspect and act.
In the process of justifying my choices do I judge others unfairly?
Are my reasons in any way a reflection of a desire to assuage my own guilt and confusion?
To feel safe in others acknowledgement?
Today we tend to feel better about ourselves by thinking less of the others...be it people, lifestyles or choices.

The above could apply to anything and so many things but today it is in reference to this article in Huffington Post titled " Dear daughter, here's why I work".http://www.huffingtonpost.com/parentingcom/dear-daughter-heres-why-i_b_3069576.html?ncid=edlinkusaolp00000003 I was appalled to read the letter which supposedly addresses an eight year old child. The child asks her Mother if she loves her work more than her and her brother. This is a question which most working moms have heard in their lifetimes.
It will not be wrong to say that this questions is not uncommon for the stay-at-home moms too.

Behind this question I perceive an innocent attention and love hungry child seeking reiteration and declaration of love from the one person she values the most...Mother. It definitely did not warrant a reply and I quote here "The question breaks my heart, and as you are almost 8, I'm pretty sure it was designed to. Don't worry; I don't hold it against you. Daughters are meant to know and agitate their mother's vulnerable spots --it's part of the special intimacy we share. I did the same thing to my mom, giving her the business for going back to work part-time when I was a even older than you, after she'd spent years at home raising me, my brother and sister. I'll be sure to bring our conversation up over and over again when you're an adult and facing the same kinds of comments from your own daughter, like my mom does to me. (P.S. Mom, really sorry--again!)".

Is it really an eight year old child being addressed here? The Author just called her daughter manipulative, inferring that the question was designed to break the Mother's heart, all the while being guilty of the very same thing...manipulation.
She tells her not to worry, that this will not be held against her. Was there a chance of this Mother holding a grudge against her child for having asked this question ?
And what could be behind the laced threat of I will surely bring this conversation up again and again when you are in a similar situation. Is she being vindictive?
And how can she predict what her daughter's life will be like or has she already made the choices for her daughter?
Will the Mother admit falling flat on her face when and if the daughter chooses to stay at home to do an equally important and rewarding 'job' of taking care of her children?
Will the Mother be sour if the daughter is blissfully happy with her choices?

I will refrain from discussing at length as to how the definition of normalcy and surreal are different for different people.
Leaving a three month old child behind, to get back to work might be surreal for the author.
And agreeably, going back to work could mean going back to normalcy for many.
But for many others, leaving behind a vulnerable, dependent three month old baby to go back to work maybe extremely irregular and unnatural.
Understandably for some its not even a choice but 'majboori'(lack of choice) financial or otherwise.

The Author goes on to compare her love for her job to her daughter's love for art. Which was alright till she asks her daughter"What if I told you it was your art ... or me? Sure, you'd choose me (I hope) if you had to, but wouldn't that feel like an unfair choice to make?"This bit is confusing for even me ,an adult. Its sends mixed signals. A bit of misplaced blackmail and then grovelling for love. The Author expresses her hope that her child chooses her over what she loves to do...art. Is this not a Mother clearly hoping to hear that she would be more important in her child's life, above all other things. She specifically refers to her child's artwork/passion.Why is it necessary for me to turn my passion and creativity into a full time paying job? It may actually kill my joy in it. Is the eight year old child not expressing the same hope when she asks if she and her sibling are loved more than their Mother's job? Don't we as human beings inherently harbour a desire to be loved and cherished unconditionally?"And if you do, I hope your love of creating doesn't get sacrificed for the people you love, whether you make money from it or not. I hope you choose a partner that wants that for you too."When did sacrifice as a quality become dishonorable? Maybe my reference points are different or I sleepwalked through a time when I became more important than we, us, family, and community.The Author hopes that a love for work or creating is not sacrificed for the people you love. Tell that to the women who leave behind flourishing careers to attend to their children because they feel instinctively, that it is the right thing to do. Tell that to a husband who takes voluntary retirement to attend to a sick ailing wife.Tell that to a son who returns home, leaving behind better career prospects to be closer to his aging parents.I know all of the above. People who do not think twice in giving up something they love for someone they love.

"I work because I love it.I work because scratching the itch to create makes me happy, and that happiness bleeds over into every other area, including how patient and engaged and creative a mother I am."The above reasons are reasons which I can finally relate to. This is exactly why I started working part time. It gave me an opportunity to scratch that itch and yet do it on my time and my terms. If something makes me a better , happier Mother why not? Be it a stay at home Mom or a Working Mother...Motherhood is super challenging and super rewarding for both.

"I work because this nice house and those gymnastics lessons and those sneakers you need to have are all made possible by two incomes."I wish you had not given this embarrassingly skewed logic after you were so honest and endearing in your reasons of doing it simply because you love it and the fact that it makes you a better person, a better Mother at the end of the day.
You just told an eight year old that she would be less happier or a lesser person if she did not have that pair of sneakers. She was much better owning them.
Are a nice house and fancy gymnastic lessons so important to one's well being I wonder?
Is success and happiness limited to a well paying career and material acquisitions?
It seems to me that in absence of any other reference point, success or purpose in life has become synonymous with running after objective happiness.

"...you'd never ask your father why he works. His love is a given that long hours at work do nothingto diminish."The above statement is not true. My children ask their Father for his time and attention. His long hours at work have lead to a feeling of alienation and have not been the best moments in our family life. His time and attention are equally important.

The Author makes me feel that in order to earn my children's respect and pride I need to be financially employed. If it refers to being able to indulge in my creative passions I stand corrected. But for that I need not be employed necessarily. If I think that a job is what it would take for me to feel more pride in my Mother than I already have, I would seriously question my values. Having said that I have tremendous respect for those many women who had to work to keep the home fires burning.

"I work because even at your young age you've absorbed the subtle message that women's work is less important and valuable -- and that the moms who really love their kids don't do it." On the contrary my children think Mommy is a Super Mom without a cape. She can do what daddy does but daddy cannot do what she does at home. They have an understanding that however fun Daddy is, it is Mommy who is naturally gifted to be a nurturer.It is only Mommy who has red flags being raised mentally, if they did not have spinach or Brussels sprouts in their diet at least twice a week. Daddy loves them but he does not have special powers which allows Mommy to know exactly what they are thinking or doing even when she is not there. Even when I had not started working part-time, I had told them that Mommy chose not to work because she felt that, that was the right thing for her to do. They are confident in their knowledge that all Mommies everywhere irrespective of what they do and don't, love their children above everything else.Let us not justify our reasons for doing what we do. If we are clear, secure and happy in our understanding and our choices, there should be no reason to talk about it.I too am confident that all Mommies everywhere irrespective of what they do and don't, love their children above everything else.

Me

Chrysalis is a protected stage of development. I await the completion of my own metamorphosis. Evolve and take wings, I will one day. I live in anticipation of that day. Oh! what a journey it is and what a flight it will be............

Currently can most relate to :

How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about [arithmetic], and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No; a woman’s function is laborious because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. –G.K. Chesterton