One last thing you ought to think about - come to agreement with your husband about what answer he is to give when asked "Where is LeeLee?". Because he will be asked when he shows up alone.

It probably should be some form of "she had other plans" because if he says "she is too stressed to socialize" the advise emails will come flying at you!

This, for sure. I mean, Alice doesn't need to know that your other plans are sitting on the sofa watching moviess. If he's pressed on the plans, he can just keep repeating.

Alice: But where is LeeLee?DH: She has other plans tonight.Alice: What could POSSIBLY be more important than being here?DH: She had other plans made already.Alice: But where is she? What's she doing?DH: Where she is and what she's doing is her business. Her plans kept her elsewhere.Alice: When will she come to another party?DH: She'll have to check her plans. I'll make sure to relay your concern to her.

And then you and DH can have a good giggle about her "concern" about your absences.

Fortunately, we already have a plan in place: I am perpetually busy for all of eternity. Work, baby, family function, so sorry, I'm just too busy!

Toots, I think Alice's DH married someone just like dear old mom. Alice hates that her MIL has the audacity to come into her house and *gasp* tell her how to arrange her kitchen and *double gasp* how she ought to be caring for her daughter! Alice is not what you would call "introspective".

Would it really be so bad for your DH to just tell Alice and her husband that you aren't coming to the gatherings because you simply don't want to?

What is the worst that can happen? Alice calls you or emails you to berate you? Don't answer your phone (caller ID is your friend), block her email. She comes to your house? You don't have to answer the door or let her in. She thinks badly of you and doesn't want to be your friend? You already don't like her or want to be her friend... so what do you care what she thinks of you?

Would it really be so bad for your DH to just tell Alice and her husband that you aren't coming to the gatherings because you simply don't want to?

What is the worst that can happen? Alice calls you or emails you to berate you? Don't answer your phone (caller ID is your friend), block her email. She comes to your house? You don't have to answer the door or let her in. She thinks badly of you and doesn't want to be your friend? You already don't like her or want to be her friend... so what do you care what she thinks of you?

this is what i'm wondering too.

One would not need to be rude and tell her "Well she doesn't really like you so she want's to avoid you as much as possible."A simple " She decided not to come to these gatherings anymore as she has other plans"

Would it really be so bad for your DH to just tell Alice and her husband that you aren't coming to the gatherings because you simply don't want to?

What is the worst that can happen? Alice calls you or emails you to berate you? Don't answer your phone (caller ID is your friend), block her email. She comes to your house? You don't have to answer the door or let her in. She thinks badly of you and doesn't want to be your friend? You already don't like her or want to be her friend... so what do you care what she thinks of you?

this is what i'm wondering too.

One would not need to be rude and tell her "Well she doesn't really like you so she want's to avoid you as much as possible."A simple " She decided not to come to these gatherings anymore as she has other plans"

Well, I'd imagine the effect would be trouble between OP's husband and his friends, particularly Alice's husband - something I think they are trying to avoid because he enjoys that friendship.

"She had already set up something on HER calendar so she couldn't come."

Never mind you're washing your hair and plan to watch a chick flick by yourself while the baby sleeps (toddler, dog, whatever)....you had already set up something to do and just couldn't make it.

Now, if it's your sister's Bridesmaids Bash two weeks before the wedding - by all means tell Alice that - because she can't argue that your sister would have first priority....can she?

Given what the OP has said about this woman, I wouldn't put it past her.

But think of the glee with which she or her DH could come back with "But it's MY SISTER! I'd never forgive myself if I missed her ONLY Hen Night before her once in a lifetime wedding!"

Although, speaking of Harry Potter & Impossible Things - I vaguely remember someone asking an astronomer if he could take off and give a lecture at an evening class.....on the night of an eclipse in their area. They seemed to be under the impression that he could study the eclipse some other evening......

Alice seems to have the same mindset - everything in the world revolves around HER plans...including the sun, the moon, the planets, and the social events of the rest of the world.