October 3, 2006

51% in a (U.K.) survey say they have considered this question. (Via Metafilter.) I know I have. Haven't you? As you might imagine, most people have decided to inflict garbage on the poor souls who remain among the living and are decent enough to show up for the ceremony.

Goodbye My Lover, James Blunt.

Angels, Robbie Williams

I've Had the Time of My Life, Jennifer Warnes and Bill Medley

Wind Beneath My Wings, Bette Midler

Pie Jesu, Requiem

Candle in the Wind, Elton John

With or Without You, U2

Tears from Heaven, Eric Clapton

Every Breath You Take, The Police

Unchained Melody, Righteous Brothers

"Every Breath You Take"? I guess that's for when you want to let people know you're planning to haunt them.

Funnily enough, was mulling over this with my husband very recently. I said I wanted Gloria Gaynor's I Will Survive for the sheer amusement of thinking about people trying to stifle their embarrassment at my stupidity.

I guess "Amazing Grace" is an American thing. Nina's right - let the ones at the funeral decide. Better yet, give each one an ipod and allow them to choose their personal favorite. That could be interesting...

Do you think that this many people could really have meant it, or is this the Monty Python contingent?

(I *like* Pie Jesu, really, but every time I hear the children's choir sing it at Mass all I can think of is *WHACK!* I fully accept that this is a result of Original Sin and I hope that it is burned out of me in Purgatory.)

The day before my dad's funeral, my siblings sat and cried as they listened and picked through country gospel songs for his service. The only one I remember was Ricky Van Shelton's To the Mansion in the Sky.

My brother, if he goes first, is getting Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox. (He'll also go in beside the Grandma we both detested if he goes first.)

I love I'll Fly Away, Stever. I'm not much of a believer, but I do love the old church hymns.

And while I know it has become a cliche, I want Ashokan Farewell. My brother has already promised that if I go first, he'll arrange to have Amazing Grace piped from over the hill at the graveside part of my service. Apparently that is the way the military does taps at funerals.

iTunes used to have groups of songs recommended by users - songs to make love to, songs to cheer you up, and the like. I remember there were several lists of funeral music, but can't seem to find them now.

Interesting idea, I'll start a playlist. Trick is to balance uplifting, sentimental, and maudlin. Or just skip it and go for the ironic grin from the grave. At least try to entertain the people; no one enjoys these things, so just get it over with.

Probably start with Jonathan Richman's "Pablo Picasso was never called an Asshole" just because it's funny.

"How Great Our Lord" from Randy Newman's musical "Faust." Hell, just play the whole thing.

My plan is to invite thousands of dignitaries, hoping that they will attend out of concern that I was someone important that they simply forgot about. At the beginning of the funeral, one of my heirs will select at random one member of the audience to sing and another to accompany on the bagpipe. The tune will be Bohemian Rhapsody.

My previous wife died at an untimely age, and even though she was a singer and a songwriter, we never discussed what music she wanted, so I had to figure it out.

I had my son's singing teacher and a student my wife had cast in a play perform "Over the Rainbow," and it was very moving, though I realize now that it was a big thing to ask of a 15-year-old girl.

I needed something for the end of the service. She was a fan of Nancy Griffith's "Other Voices, Other Rooms," CD, so I looked there and found "Where I'm Bound," which I thought was perfect. It's a hootenanny-era folk song -- here's how it starts:

It's a long and dusty road, it's a hot and heavy load And the people that you meet aren't always kind Some are bad, some are good some have done the best they could Some have tried to ease my troubled mind

But I can't help but wonder Where I'm bound, where I'm bound I can't help but wonder where I'm bound

We just went through this when my father died in July. Throughout the years, he mentioned a few songs that he thought would be good for his funeral. How Great Thou Art; Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata [played at his grandmother's funeral]; a dixieland band playing When the Saints Go Marching In [from his time in New Orleans as a boy].

Since you've gone I've been lost without a traceI dream at night, I can only see your faceI look around, but it's you I can't replaceI feel so cold and I long for your embraceI keep crying baby, baby please

If that's how you feel when you think about Ed Meese or Cap Weinberger...well you should probably keep it to yourself. Certainly don't IM anyone about it.

I'm not sure which is more distressing -- the total secularity of the list (which is not surprising and of no concern to many I'm sure) or the utter lack of taste the Brits have. I will haunt any hint of maudlin at my funeral.

My wish for my wife or kids -- play whatever gives you comfort it's not for me anyway.

"Songs at my funeral: "Many Rivers to Cross" by Jimmy Cliff, "Angel" by Aretha Franklin, and I've always had this fantasy that some beautiful, tearful woman would insist on "You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me" by Gladys Knight. But who would that woman be?" - Rob Gordon

That I won't be able to hear the music is not the point. I know now how I want my loved ones to commemorate my having passed. I want music that sums the spiritual ideal of my life. That would be O Magnum Mysterium by Thomas Luis de Victoria. If you ever listen to it, you may understand why I have chosen it, and you don't have to be a theist to be open to letting its majesty resonate within.

but if I had to choose.... if I die in the next few years -- "Where the Streets Have No Name" played live by U2 before they turn in to Rolling Stone jokes and then a good rousing "Drop Kick Me Jesus Through the Goalposts of Life" to make my wife laugh and anything by Bach for my kids.

I want the slow movement of the Bruckner 7th-- my way of saying "I know what at least half of you are thinking, but this is a tragedy, dammit." But how many of them will be willing to wait half an hour for the point to be driven home?

I want "Someday I Will Lead the Parade", recorded by Patty Lovelace. And I want to be paraded down main street, New Orleans-style. Everyone should have a funeral dirge played to note their demise. Or, not. Maybe something by Frank Zappa instead.

Bill: "Pablo Picasso"--great song (great film). I haven't though of that in years. Thanks for the chuckle.

As for me: Peer Gynt Suite No. 1, Op. 46 : Aases Dead, Beethoveen's 7th second movement, some of my kid's music which is terrific, Marianne Faithful's As Tears Go By, and a finale of hard metal and death rock. No eulogy, please, just music and convo.

Weird. I pretty much know what (or at least what type) of music everyone would want, but I've never hammered that down for myself. On some fundamental level, I think I don't actually care much about my own funeral (since I do believe their basically for the living).

Except--live music. Not recorded.

Real, live musicians.

My father (a musician) has always said that he wants to be cremated privately, and then for us to throw a big party, invite a bunch of musician friends of various genres, and just let them have it. Food and drink for free and free-flowing (within reason).

Since you're not going to be there at your funeral, the only way this can be a valuable exercise is if you integrate the song into your life, so that hearing the song intensifies your memory for the mourners.

This advice is a little easier than Henry Ward Beecher's "If you want someone to know what Jesus Christ can do for him, let him see what Jesus Christ has done for you," because you could integrate the tune into your life by, say, singing it or playing it on the piano. If you actually had to live a life as penitent as Gounod's "O Divine Redeemer" (my own choice), that would be very difficult.

The more I think of it, the more I'm fond of playing the most treacly crap imaginable, with a notation in the program that I'm so glad I don't have to hear this stuff. You light up my life, Patches -- those kinds of songs. If I have a long lingering illness, I will survive would be good too.

Amba: Not really. I don't even want a funeral. I have thought of the song, but only in the context of feeling that I wouldn't want to inflict it on/share it with other people. I think I've only told one person what the song is.

Because my profession is so dangerous and I could be killed at any moment in any number of violent and horrific ways, I think about death constantly and have left detailed funeral instructions in my will.

"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" will be played. There will be smoke, lasers, dancing-girls, and a jumbotron showing me doing cool stuff. I have already shot the jumbotron video. It is supercool and I look fantastic in it.

I used to joke about having "Disco Inferno" as my funeral march. But then I found the most tragically beautiful song that seems crafted for a funeral procession, "Vapour Trail" by Ride, which you can watch at You Tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-UdQrKUBNM.

Since I was diagnosed with cancer in 2003, whenever I would hear an old favorite, usually a love song, I automatically add it to my funeral playlist.

"Don't Dream It's Over" - Crowded House

"Pearly Gates" - Prefab Sprout

"Maybe It's You" - The Carpenters

"Til I Die" - The Beach Boys

"In My Life" - The Beatles

"The Last Goodbye" - Jeff Buckley

"There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" - The Smiths

Tearjerkers all.

Now that I am possibly facing bone metastasis of my breast cancer, I realize that I want to be cremated without a formal memorial service. But not any time soon, God willing.

If my loved ones insist on a funeral despite my wishes, I want this sign on the side of my casket for all the mourners to see:

Wish you were here

When they open the casket for viewing, something like the Pointer Sister's "Jump!" would be neat. As the mourners file past, "A Whiter Shade of Pale" would be good. Then again, Peggy Lee's "Is That All There Is?" may better represent the general view.

They ought to have no problem working in Kool & the Gang's "Celebration" either before or after any eulogies.

After an announcement that I donated by organs to UCSF for scientific research, Tony Bennett's classic, "I Left My Heart in San Francisco" would be appropriate.

At the end of the service, as my family departs, preferably one by one, I trust they will sing "So Long, Farewell" from the Sound of Music.

They can then all pile into the hearse for the trip to the cemetary as I plan to enjoy the air-comfort ride of the U-Haul trailer I demand be towed behind. With the attendant widespread publicity that this should receive, I am confident that the meme about never having seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul will be laid to rest about as quickly as I.

If someone wants to play Angela Via's "Catch Me if You Can" as the hearse pulls away from the curb, who I am I to object? (After all, I'll be dead.)

At the end of any graveside ceremony, I would hope they would give consideration to Wham's "Wake Me Up Before You Go."

One of the primary uses of a funeral is for the visitors to reflect on their own mortality. Thus, "We'll Meet Again" is both appropriate, and in a way, comforting to these thoughts. Maybe the Johnny Cash version. On the more transcendental side, anything from the Rachmaninoff Op.37 Vespers work would be outstanding.