Grace Slick is fucking awesome

“Who the hell is Grace Slick?” you ask. Grace Slick is who every woman and even some men should strive to be.

Those of you who do know her know her as the lead singer of 60’s psychedelic band “Jefferson Airplane” and their next incarnation “Jefferson Starship”. Two of her greatest hits are “White Rabbit” and “Somebody to Love”. What most people don’t know is that she was a fucking bad ass. Seriously, she was pretty much the female version of Jello Biafra, and that’s only based on what was publicized. I wouldn’t be surprised if there were more awesome things than just what I’m about to list.

In 1969, Grace was invited to a party at the White House for her college’s alumni, since Richard Nixon’s daughter was also alumni. Her intent? To spike Tricky Dicky’s tea with LSD. Unfortunately, she was recognized by Secret Service personnel before entering, and thus denied entrance. But holy fuck! This woman clearly has more balls than most of you. I’d wager that if George Bush came up to shake your hands, all you’d do is say “Thank you sir” and smile like some star-struck dipshit as your sweaty palm slipped through his.

In 1971, Slick decided to have a car race against one of the other members of the band after a very long recording session, and ended up crashing into a wall. The worst she got was a concussion. Said the wall, “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.” Just kidding, the wall was totalled.

She’s also been arrested multiple times for being a smart ass. One time her boyfriend and her were arguing in the car, so he took the keys out of the ignition and threw them out the window into the grass. As Grace was crawling around on the ground looking for them, a cop came up and asked what was going on. She laughed (and probably called the cop a dipshit, but that’s not mentioned on Wikipedia because Wikipedia is run by a bunch of faggots), and was arrested.

Another time, she forgot to check her car’s oil level, and flames started coming out from under the hood. Some dumb ass cop came up and asked her what was happening. Slick basically told Barney Fife “Are you fucking blind or something? My car is on fire!” I’d have done the same thing. Power-tripping cops were nothing new even then, and she was arrested.

Then there was this time when she was just sitting against a tree in the woods drinking wine, eating bread, reading poetry (probably John Milton’s Paradise Lost or something equally awesome), and minding her own business when guess who showed up? Barney FUCKING Fife. “Durrrrrr, whatcha doin’?” Cops in her area weren’t bright at all, and she had no qualms about telling them this. Guess where she went?

But most awesome of all her feats was in 1978 at a Jefferson Starship concert in Germany. It’s not easy having to deal with screaming fantards all the time, so Grace Slick would habitually get wasted before concerts to deal with it. This time however, a mysterious man in a black suit who only referred to himself as “AJ” offered her a bottle of something called “Yukon Jack”, promising her it was much stronger than anything she had ever had before. Well, it was. When the show started, she came onto the stage and told the fantards exactly what she felt about them, a speech laced with words like “fucktards”, “faggots”, “dipshits”, and “dumbasses”. After repeatedly doing the Hitler Salute and screaming “Sieg Heil!”, she attempted to goose-step around the stage and sing “Deutschland Uber Alles”, but collapsed. Her last memory before passing out was the man in the black suit smiling and waving as he walked away. When she regained consciousness, nobody could locate the man in the black suit. One stagehand claims to have witnessed the man play with his watch before seemingly disappearing into thin air, but this is generally disregarded as the results of an LSD trip. The entire incident inspired Jello Biafra and East Bay Ray to create the Dead Kennedys that June. Contrary to popular belief, “Moon Over Marin” isn’t about pollution, it’s about the asshole cops who hassled Grace Slick in Marin County, with her being the “moon” and the cops being the “pollution”.

So anyway, I’ve gotta go back to working on a flux capacitor which can fit into a wristwatch. l8r.