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Author
Topic: What about my looks ? (Read 4449 times)

I am newly positive and I seem to get more and more worried and afraid of the future..

I tested positive in June, 2013, during the seroconversion. It was I shock - well, I had have unprotected sex with a guy, but he had shown me his negative test result before we did the thing, normally I only have safe sex....only two times we had unprotected sex, then I got sick - so, bad luck! And even though I really want to blame him, I know it is my own responsibility - or just me being so fucking naive trusting people.

It has been and is an emotional rollercoaster - some days I just wanna die, what is the point living with all the bad stuff there is going to happen in the long run? Heart disease, kidney, liver, bone - and cancer ?

My numbers are fine, no side effects to the new pill (Stribild) - I know it is a mental thing that I feel broken- and it frustrates me. I am seeing a psychologist every second week - but meanwhile I have some hard days - I feel like a stranger walking around among all the unworried healthy people.

Then I try to find informations on the internet - sometimes a help sometimes not.

My main question is: will I be able to stay fit and look healthy with this diagnosis ? I mean, in like 10 years will I look older than I would have done without this diagnosis. Is it inevitably that eventually all this medication and the residual infection will drain your body from vitality ?

I guess this question stems from my being afraid that people will look at me and think, he is positive, I don't want to see him, be his friend, date him. That I will be left alone.

Thx for a great place to read and learn - it has helped me tremendously in many situations. XX

My answer in general is "no" your diagnosis will not affect your looks. It's possible, but with the modern class of meds now used it's unlikely. However, you are 35 -- just as a kindly reminder you will begin going downhill quickly at some point after you turn 40 anyway. You might be able to stretch this to 45 if you're lucky, but it will happen. You can fixate on Botox at that time or just go with the flow and accept your fate and date others of the same age and predisposition.

In short, I'd worry more about natural aging then what HIV meds will do to your vanity issues.

However, you are 35 -- just as a kindly reminder you will begin going downhill quickly at some point after you turn 40 anyway. You might be able to stretch this to 45 if you're lucky, but it will happen. You can fixate on Botox at that time or just go with the flow and accept your fate and date others of the same age and predisposition.

This.

Just keep fit, eat healthy and be optimistic about the present and future. Good living tends to show on the face and body.

I agree I wouldn't want to be "marked" by any disease in my appearance. But on the other hand, so what if one is. When you actually do date and want a relationship, you'll have to disclose, no mater how you look. So at that point, if the potential partner can't deal with an HIV+ partner, it won't matter how handsome you are.

And since you really didn't talk about handsome, you talked about looking fit and healthy. I know guys who have had HIV a long time and have lipo AND they look "fit and healthy". Because they are fit and healthy. It does happen that there are middle aged HIV+ people who are much more fit and healthy than average schlubs. Take care of yourself and you will be fine.

« Last Edit: December 11, 2013, 02:56:09 PM by mecch »

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ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Just keep fit, eat healthy and be optimistic about the present and future. Good living tends to show on the face and body.

I have seen people 10 years my junior look 10 years my senior. For the most part people think I'm much younger than I actually am. Eating healthy and exercise will go a long way. Smoking is a the big one when it comes to aging.

I think genetics will play the big role in how you age. As others point out, lifestyle does impact it, too.

Since you mentioned looking fit and all that, I think pics speak louder than words-- sometimes. Here is Jack Mackenroth, who was diagnosed in 1990. He may have been infected longer. So again, I think with today's treatments, it will be mostly based on your genetics. Of course, he has makeup on and is shot with good lighting and camera filters. And, this is just one guy, but just thought it may help to see.

I think that keeping fit is the key. After years of not doing much of anything and relying on mother nature to just 'overlook' me as a courtesy, I found out that it doesn't work that way and the gym was in order. It is really remarkable the change in not only the physical but the emotional - and when you feel better that image in the mirror looks better! 'Looking Fit' is not necessarily the same as 'Feeling Fit'. Its the whole package. I would rather go through the day feeling good about myself on the inside than feeling *meh* and looking like the picture above. Well - maybe for a day I could handle it

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

Since you mentioned looking fit and all that, I think pics speak louder than words-- sometimes. Here is Jack Mackenroth, who was diagnosed in 1990. He may have been infected longer. So again, I think with today's treatments, it will be mostly based on your genetics. Of course, he has makeup on and is shot with good lighting and camera filters. And, this is just one guy, but just thought it may help to see.

With steroids, botox and restylane anyone can look like a Real Housewife these days. And yes, that is what all those A-List Queers do.

Btw, Jackie's picture below is about what -- 8 years old now? She's currently pushing 45 and will have to begin deciding how much effort and money to continue putting in her beauty upkeep. That stuff ain't cheap and has to be kept up continually.

You'll prob look better! Seems most + become much more concerned and proactive about their physical health (maybe to overcompensate?) which negative people usually don't take as seriously. I've lost some extra weight since my diagnosis, and I eat much healthier nowadays and take vitamins which I didn't before.

Last year I found my brother on Facebook....hadn't seen him in15 years and we used to look enough alike that people thought we were twins. He's a year older. He was always the straight version of me. Well, he looked like he's rotting from the inside out from his bad lifestyle, smoking, booze and whatever else he found. I didn't like him then and don't like him now, so it was 'satisfying'. No one will ever call him 'glossy'. I'll take our ability to accessorize over being able to field dress something during hunting season any day! After seven years of meds I think I look the same as when I started (in good lighting). It's not all genetics!

Actually, if you ever want to feel good about how you look...just Facebook your classmates in high school. It's like a train wreck.

« Last Edit: December 14, 2013, 08:21:42 PM by Dan0 »

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

I saw the 20th year reunion pictures on Facebook for my high school class and wondered at the transformation. The women aged slightly better, but the men looked a decade or more older than my partner or me. I saw only 2 exceptions, and one of them turned out to be a good friend I lost touch with- glossy would fit. The other was a jock who managed to keep in age appropriate shape. All the rest of the men doubled in size and looked far older than I would have thought normal.

Perhaps I'm generalizing, but don't most gay men look better than their contemporaries? We WERE the original metrosexuals.

I attended a class reunion last year and was quite shocked by what I saw. Hot football players turned into fat bald slobs. At least all I lost was my hair.

Ya think? Maybe its me but I find straight men to be substantially more attractive than their gay counterparts. But I'm weird.

I think natural aging in men is way more attractive than the made up pretty (moisturized) gay contemporary. I think its a masculinity thing. I guess I just like masculine men and when your fighting the aging process it can come off as feminine. I dont know. talking out loud.

Botox and a facial peel may be a bit over the top....but a gym membership and a pair of tweezers should be a requirement. It's all in the upkeep. I don't see anything wrong with putting up a bit of a fight so long as you realize all too well when you should no longer go for the faux-hawk look or parachute pants. Think Chris Meloni....woof!

About the only adverse impact I can see with the meds is dry skin here and there....otherwise I'm no worse the wear for the birthdays I've had! What is most surprising is that once you get to a certain age and start embracing it you suddenly become HOT and marketable again! I have more younger hot guys hitting on me me now than I ever did a decade ago. Just don't call me Daddy!

« Last Edit: December 15, 2013, 02:24:19 PM by Dan0 »

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

Both born in 1960 and are a couple months apart. Yes, yes, yes.....there are some resources here that the average person doesn't have but obviously one tended to 'upkeep' and preventative maintenance a bit better than the other! I was going to put up the steaming shower scene with Chris a Meloni but that's my wallpaper now.

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

Botox and a facial peel may be a bit over the top....but a gym membership and a pair of tweezers should be a requirement. It's all in the upkeep.

Actually for a while I thought I was aging quickly, but lately I am not feeling this way. More than a few people have told me I look good for a year away from 50 so I guess I'll just relax. But as far as botox goes, if I had the money I would get it as what does age me is my easily wrinkly brow lines. Overboard is nip&tuck territory -- botox and a simple filler at least at certain ages looks fine to me though I've also seen it overdone, and I've also seen some guys getting botox before they need to and that always seems a bit dysmophic-lite. I'd also have my teeth whitened if I had the money.

My main question is: will I be able to stay fit and look healthy with this diagnosis ? I mean, in like 10 years will I look older than I would have done without this diagnosis. Is it inevitably that eventually all this medication and the residual infection will drain your body from vitality ?

To get back to your point.....I don't think you have to worry and there is no inevitability. As you can see from the posts, you have a bunch of middle-aged men that have been on meds for a quite a while and we're doing FINE! So will you!

« Last Edit: December 15, 2013, 06:14:30 PM by Dan0 »

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You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.

"Honey, you should never ask advice from a drunk drag queen who has a show to do." - JG

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts