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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

The Job Search... Well... Not a Good Sign... From the Magic Eight Ball

The Magic Eight Ball has played an important role in my life. My then-future wife thought it was funny that I made decisions based on the Eight Ball's advice. Little did she know that I actually did take heart of the words appearing in the dark liquid within. You see, the Eight Ball provides stress-free decision making. Other than the stupidity of being guided by complete chance, you can't blame the Eight Ball for any of the answers it gives. Like flipping a coin, it has absolutely no biases or faulty thought processes. In that sense, the advice it gives is pure and beautiful.

I have had an Eight Ball since, well, before I can remember. And the odd thing is... It generally has been... correct. I did spend a long time being single in 1999. The Blackhawks didn't get past the St. Louis Blues in the first round of the 2002 Stanley Cup Playoffs. I didn't get the Disney counsel position in 2014.

First things first, I gave my former boss an Eight Ball for Christmas. After the company let me go in early March, while in her office, I secretly asked it if I would be alright job-wise... And it answered "It is Certain." That's reassuring.

But today I asked it whether I would get an in-house counsel position soon and it answered:

Ouch. I need full-time work as soon as possible. Then I asked it whether I would get adequate hours during my part-time independent contractor legal role. It answered:

Not good at all. I like my new boss, the work and working remotely. That was quite deflating. Next I asked it whether I would start a successful business with my buddy Al. It answered:

I waited for less than a second and asked it whether I would start a successful business with Al again. This time it answered:

Snap. Al is like one of my best buddies, a really inspirational guy. Pretty disheartening set of answers, all in a row. I asked the Eight Ball whether I would be a millionaire by the end of this year. To that it answered:

Damn, 2017 just won't be my year I guess. I also got a negative response to whether I would have a full-time job by August of this year. Finally, I asked it whether I would have a business that would make $500,000 by the end of the year. It answered: