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10/08/2014

To fart or not to fart? That is the question.

There's a Sex and the City episode where Carrie farts in front of Mr. Big for the first time. He laughs straight away but his reaction leaves Carrie humiliated.

In true, female fashion she freaks herself out thinking that he will now lose interest in her and find another non-farting female. (Note: these don't actually exist)

She explains to Samantha what happened, saying: "It wasn't a choice, I'm a human!"

Samantha replied in her unique Samantha-style: "Men don't like women to be human. We aren't supposed to fart, douche, use tampons or have hair in places we shouldn't."

We aren't supposed to poo either.

But most women do at least a few of these things - farting being a daily activity.

The sign of a good friend is being open enough to talk about natural bodily functions. The sign of a best friend is not being afraid to display them.

One of my best friends once instructed me not to touch her or she would fart. After bursting into a fit of giggles, I realised she was a friend I wanted to stick around.

But farting in front of a guy? WOAH. Why is that such a big deal ?

Of course, farting on your one-night-stand while mid-spoon is probably not the best way to go. (FYI, telling them about your little windy episode the next morning is probably not a good idea, either...) That may send them running for the hills quicker than sitting in bed reading a bridal magazine the next morning.

It lets you both know that you feel relaxed enough to completely be yourself in front of him - something which you may not have realised until that moment.

The way I see it, it is too hard pretending not to be human. If I feel comfortable enough to veg out in my pyjamas with my hair in a scruffy top knot and with no make-up on, you are already lucky enough to be in an exclusive minority.

Women have a tough enough time as it is keeping on top of hair removal, spot treatments, and concealing our eye bags without having to worry about holding everything else in.

I obviously understand the rules of society and social norms and wouldn't fart in a lift or in any enclosed public space. But with those people I feel comfortable around/love, with whom I must spend lengthy periods of time with little opportunities for a quick 'wind break'? I can't hold it in that long, that just creates bloating problems and nobody wants that.

If you accidentally let one slip before you, or he, is ready - style it out and laugh it off, they'll react much better if you're cool about it than if you start to display signs of a mental breakdown.

Then, before you know it, you'll be weeing with the door open and shaving your legs on a weekly, rather than daily, basis.