Purifying Intention and Prayer

Purifying our intention is something that all of us do, even if we aren’t aware of
it. Think of a time when you were upset with someone close to you, and an impulse
came from deep within to want to strike out. Instead, you decided, or unconsciously
something stopped you, from just blindly acting out. What happened was that you had
a change of response. You had a purer intention, either consciously or unconsciously,
that didn’t want to create harm. Many of us don’t realize that this significant part of us
can create a different reality in our present day world.

There are many of us that are aware of this part of ourselves, and likely an equal
amount that are just at that point of awareness where we see that our ordinary life and
desires and the way we were conditioned isn’t leading us to a feeling of fulfillment or
greater peace. This frequently results in a keener interest in looking inside ourselves
for answers or guidance.

What often happens to those of us that recognize that our desires don’t satisfy
something deeper inside us? We are frequently left with an empty feeling. Worse, we
also might have discovered that making these desires our central focus leaves us
frustrated too, as it rarely delivers the satisfaction we seek. Many continue on the path
of wanting more wealth or success or lovers or children or houses or cars or vacations
or playthings. But sometimes it is at such moments in our lives when we start sensing a deep longing for a life of greater heart, which requires us to purify our intention. For many the answer comes through prayer

When I speak of prayer I mean a practice that is potentially available to
everyone—the religious of any creed, the non-religious, the spiritual, the godly, the
godless and the irreverent. Many belief systems would not accept this intention to
define prayer in such an all- inclusive way. Humanistic Spirituality is a natural human
response to purify intention for a life of greater heart, God, or for the qualities of love,
peace, grace, tenderness, faith, empathy, intuition, generosity, warmth, and more. The
meaning underlying prayer is essentially reaching for something from a source beyond
our own ego. Generally we understand that source to be God (however you
understand the word), or universal intelligence, a higher power or wisdom, or simply a
mystery. When we speak about yearning and prayer, it is important to trust our own
most sincere practice. Many people with a non-religious view have a tendency to
criticize the concept of praying to a God somewhere above us in heaven. This idea
may be judged as childish by the non-religious while the devout may feel sorry for
those who lack faith and believe that they, “the believers,” are uniquely aligned with a
higher connection and purpose. These perspectives tend to limit the capacity for all to
unite.

Purifying Intention and Prayer

It is important to stay open to the meaning and essence underneath the words
we use. Words such as “religion, spiritual, God or Godless” can all act as triggers that
largely project black and white images. Most of us have a tendency to judge something
as right or wrong, good or bad, constructive or destructive, if that is how our minds
have been programmed to perceive these images.

In Humanistic Spirituality we place an emphasis on prayer, and allowing
flexibility in the methods and words that we use to represent a form of purifying
intention. Some Buddhists and spiritual teachers use the word “intention,” which can
potentially describe opening to our essential heart, in order to move beyond ordinary
self-centered desires. When our intentions encourage us to reach for this essential
nature or heart purity, there is little difference in purpose from prayer.

Of course, there is the question about to whom we are praying and sending our
intention. Regardless of our beliefs, we can envision that we are sending our prayers
or intentions to a source far greater than our ordinary sense of self. It hardly seems to
matter whether we envision “God” as being inside of us, outside of us, or as a universal
kind of intelligence. It does matter in the deepest sense, however, that we cultivate
enough purity of motive to expand beyond the desires and defenses that make up
most of our ordinary lives and create our sense of self.

Do you want to move closer to your own heart?

In simple terms, we use the words purifying intention, to mean a sincere asking
to represent the same opening that exists in prayer. We want to expand the instinct to
open our hearts to more of life. Our intention is to support greater flexibility for
anyone’s choice of path to represent this sacred and creative impulse that miraculously
exists in the human spirit. What’s not to love about the purity of motive, regardless of
the beliefs we hold about the source? What matters is that we are sincere when we
ask for a purer motive and intention that will benefit ourselves and others. It also
matters that we include as much of life as possible in our request.

I generally pre-qualify a question that I inevitably ask my clients, with the
following statement. “Please forgive me for asking you a question that is so obvious,
but do you really want to be closer to your heart or soul?”

This is my way of inquiring as to how much they want to pray, or set an intention
rooted in the heart, when they are feeling alienated, afraid or separate. Most of my
clients are clear that they want this kind of prayer to happen, but they don’t seem to
realize that this is a path in itself. I explain to them that pure intention and praying can
be used whenever they remember to do so. It can apply to every moment, and most
particularly when we feel lost - - one of the times when we usually forget to utilize our
resources. It might seem strange to ask yourself if you want to be as close to your
heart as possible, when you are shut down emotionally. Yet this is the time when we
most need the encouragement to deepen our practice.

Have you noticed how easy it is to ask for help when you feel good? It is much
more challenging to do so when you feel sad, lost, depressed or disappointed. Our
intention needs to be sincere to be effective, which requires truly wanting that which is
beneficial in the moment. It also requires us to stop reinforcing our defensive reactions
and attitudes that we normally lug around with us. I am not suggesting that we will be
free from defensive reactions and self-centered desires. These things are inevitable.
The question is, can we get in touch with a part of us that wants something more
inspiring and fulfilling?

SHARON (SHIFTING ATTENTION FROM FEELINGS TO INTENTION)

Sharon felt inadequate as a mom. She always seemed to be battling her two
kids, screaming at them when she was uptight, or they were too loud or fighting with
each other. She had a well-developed prayer practice already established in her life,
but the contentious pattern of interaction with her children seemed separate and
unmovable. Although she was clear that stopping this pattern was “as important as it
gets” and even shared that her sense of well being at the end of her life would largely
depend upon the quality of contact that she might develop with her children. She was
unable to move closer to her heart in these interactions. It was easy to see that she
needed to move closer to the wisdom of her heart and find a way not to move away
when she felt these overwhelming emotions. The challenge was that she was
dominantly feeling oriented. When she felt inadequate or ashamed about her
interaction with her kids, it seemed like a permanent indictment laid down by the
Supreme Court. She could not stand feeling this. In her estimation, if she felt bad, she
was bad.

This very feeling state led to a thorough clarification of how prayer works and
how it could work in those times when she really needed it. I asked her to take a
moment and ask this question from a deeply reflective place, “How important is your
prayer compared to your feelings of inadequacy and impatience?” She laughed and
saw the tragic absurdity of how much she was dominated by her feelings. Gradually
she was able to learn that what she felt, even those powerful, overwhelming feelings of
badness, were relatively unimportant when facing the sincerity of her prayer. Finding a
purer place in her heart was what mattered. Normally she unconsciously thought she
could and should control her feelings while they happened in the moment, so she kept
going back to them. But she found it incredibly helpful to see again and again that
trying to pressure herself in the middle of her emotional storm was like adding oxygen
to a burning fire. The guilt and judgments created an inescapable trap. One Sharon
had been caught in for years. Every tense effort she made to change her feelings only
reinforced them. By saying to herself, “Its intolerable that I’m feeling miserable. I am
committing to symbolically go down on my knees and ask for the patience, tenderness
and kindness that I don’t feel right now. I’m changing my focus from what I feel, to
what I ask or pray for. It doesn’t matter what I feel, my sincerity is enough to change
my intention and focus. The rest will follow.”

Sharon wasn’t sure she could do it, as her emotions were amazingly strong.
She struggled with changing her focus to discover finally that her heartfelt intention to
love her kids and herself was gaining strength over her feelings. At key moments she
learned to tell herself that it was okay to feel agitated or angry or anxious, or empty or
whatever else there was. She would rededicate herself to kneel in prayer, and ask for
help especially at these moments. She was relieved to see a path that allowed her to
be real. The shift was in learning to feed the prayer, not her feelings. Her identity had
been locked on to those feelings, but gradually shifted to the part of her that asked for
tenderness and kindness both toward herself, and the kids. The point is that the real
Sharon was the one she longed for, and she was the one doing the praying, the asking,
and the wanting to open her heart in the way that was needed. Now she could see a
path that allowed her to be real. She just needed to feed the prayer, not her feelings.

“I can’t be reminded too much,” she said. “It’s as if my identity is feeling those
feelings. Not me.”

“That’s the point,” I agreed. “The real ‘you’ whom you long for is the one
asking, praying, wanting to open your heart in the way that is needed. This state of
recognizing your need for help and asking for it, can cause the shift you’re looking for.
Even if no new feelings come into your heart, humbling yourself allows you to be more
harmless. That is an enormous act of moving towards the compassion heart.”

I told Sharon a personal story. “When I was a kid,” I said, “my front tooth was
knocked out in a basketball game, and the raw nerve was exposed. I unconsciously
believed I could make the pain go away so I kept wiggling my tongue on the raw nerve,
hoping it wasn’t going to hurt. After I did this maybe twenty-five to thirty times, I asked
myself, ‘what are you doing? How can you be so stupid?’

“I was actually in a form of denial, believing I could make my pain change by
doing something directly with it. That led me to understand how this part of our
unconscious works, when we want to control how we’re feeling in the moment by an
act of demand, it acts like magical thinking of a two-year-old.

“I realized that the only thing I could do was to be sincere, give my totality as
much as I was capable, and accept my human state. I asked for support in a prayer
that went something like, ‘May I have the courage to accept this very difficult feeling!
May I tolerate this pain with as much grace as possible.”

I explained to Sharon that my prayer created a shift from a narcissistic demand
(our normal reaction to severe suffering) to a sincere plea for help. I reminded her that
when we cultivate this practice, we are changing the quality of our lives. “Can you
sense any part of you that wants to ask for help to tolerate where you are, and open
toward your heart, regardless of how far you have to reach?” She smiled. “I don’t see
what else I could ever want more. It just requires so much honesty and dedication, but
I do realize that nothing else matters.” As she spoke those words, I could sense her
heart melting as she supported her own pure intention.

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Since 1972, Humanistic Spirituality founder Robert Strock has maintained a private spiritual and therapeutic counseling practice that specializes in purposeful living, relationships, spiritual psychology, and death and dying counseling. Humanistic Spirituality provides various spiritual workshops, guided mediations, and licensed marriage family therapists and licensed social work continuing education courses. Contact us to learn how we can help you find inner peace and spiritual awareness through our counseling, or our free guided meditations, videos, audios, writings, introspective guises and more. A warm welcome from the team at Humanistic Spirituality.