Funny how spring movies can mirror the options of spring break: this year Hollywood offers trips to Vegas, Hawaii, Mexico, the ’20s, the ’80s, Narnia, Gitmo, Afghanistan, and Iraq. For stay-at-home types, there are proms, concerts, campus high jinks, and comic books. And for those who want to act like adults, there are comedies and tragedies about sex, love, birth, and death.

VIDEO: The trailer for Stop Loss

MARCH
Maybe we can find a clue into why Owen Wilson got so down on himself in DRILLBIT TAYLOR (March 21), in which he plays an inept mercenary hired by bullied high-school kids. Steven Brill directs. On a more serious note: lauded indie director David Gordon Green makes his studio debut with his adaptation of SNOW ANGELS, Stewart O’Nan’s novel about relationships. Kate Beckinsale and Sam Rockwell star.

So when does the vacation start? Not with STOP LOSS (March 28), Kimberly Peirce’s contribution to the Iraq War movie surge. Ryan Phillippe stars in this parable of a hero who’s compelled to put in another tour of duty.

Now you’re talking: let’s hit the tables! In 21 (March 28), Robert Luketic tells the true story of six MIT students who figured out how to win in Vegas. Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth, and Laurence Fishburne star. What do you want to bet more people will want to watch these spoiled rich kids cheat than see blue-collar stiffs get killed in combat?

VIDEO: The trailer for Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

APRIL
It seems too early for football — the 1920s, that is. George Clooney directs and stars in LEATHERHEADS (April 4), in which a struggling team tries to survive without face masks and with Renée Zellweger in the cast. And it may be too late for the sixtysomething Rolling Stones, who are caught in concert in Martin Scorsese’s SHINE A LIGHT (April 4).

All the same, the Stones are probably better than the band playing in Nelson McCormick’s PROM NIGHT (April 11), though that outfit has to contend with a serial killer. Maybe it should hire Drillbit Taylor, or go scouting for new campus digs like the seniors in Deb Hagan’s COLLEGE (April 11).

Because all too soon you’re grown up and facing dilemmas like BABY MAMA (April 18). Directed by Michael McCullers and starring Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, this one’s a comedy about a successful businesswoman who hires a working-class stiff to have her baby. Or you’re coming to terms with the notion that the ’80s are over and you might not get another chance to be a drummer in a superband, as in THE ROCKER (April 18), a dark comedy from Peter Cattaneo. And come to think of it — WHERE INTHE WORLD IS OSAMA BIN LADEN? (April 18). Documentarian Morgan Spurlock wants to know. No doubt that’s what they’ll be asking the title pair in Jon Hurwitz & Hayden Schlossberg’s HAROLD AND KUMAR ESCAPE FROM GUANTÁNAMO BAY (April 25); Kal Penn and John Cho reprise their roles.

Bojinka The mainstream media has more or less treated the news that a group of British-based Islamist terrorists planned to blow up as many as ten airliners with colorless liquid explosives as the planes cruised over the Atlantic as a new development. It isn’t.

Republican dirty tricks Late last month, readers of the conservative web site NewsMax discovered this juicy tidbit in a column by Ronald Kessler: “In the past week, Karl Rove has been promising Republican insiders an ‘October surprise’ to help win the November congressional elections.”

Talking ’bout a revolution It takes a theatrical genius like Tom Stoppard to come up with Rock ’n’ Roll, which merges the pulsing spirit of both until they feel like one. And it takes a theater of the caliber of the Gamm to make history feel like a Stones concert that becomes a political rally.

Loose Ends It’s four in the morning and raining. I’m 27 today, feeling old, listening to my records, and remembering that things were different a decade ago.

Light show The biggest stars of this year’s Berlin Film Festival were neither actors nor directors.

The Stones This article originally appeared in the August 26, 1994 issue of the Boston Phoenix.

The JonBenet factor Five summers ago, in the weeks before terrorists slammed fully loaded passenger planes into the Pentagon and the World Trade Center, national television was obsessed with what? The Taliban? Osama bin Laden? Nope. Sharks.

King of the freaks I’d like to honor the best of the recently deceased political campaigns. Unfortunately, “best” turned out to be in short supply this year, but there was a surplus of worst. And I have just the prize for that.

Updike does death, R. Crumb does God, Vanity Fair does Proust Trying to reach as broad a range of tastes and pocketbooks as possible, we this year scavenged everything from the front pages of the Onion to R. Crumb's genesis, to valedictory Updike. Stuff to read, stuff to look at, glossy pages and matte. Remember: be careful not to nick the pages or spill eggnog on them before you wrap. Happy holidays!

Glower power It’s a mysterious career. To Whitehead’s credit, it’s not a career in the normal sense at all.