fulfilment

This blog post is the first in a series of posts I will be writing on Values. I use values as the foundation of my coaching practice as I have found that using values significantly enhances the effectiveness of both coaching and NLP techniques by getting better results faster.

Understanding your values is an amazing moment of clarity and self-awareness. Living your life in line with your values makes you feel happier and more fulfilled every day. That is why I am committed to increasing the awareness of values and the importance they have in our lives.

This week’s value in focus is Fairness.

Definitions of Fairness are: the state, condition or quality of being fair; free from bias or injustice; the perceived appropriateness of something; evenhandedness.

It is something that we expect to be present in the world around us and in the behaviour of people around us and so mostly we do not even notice it. It is only when fairness is missing, that we sit up and take notice. It is only then that negative emotion is generated in us. For example, you might feel disappointment at a minor unfair situation e.g. someone getting a better gift or reward than you, whereas the emotion you might feel at a major injustice e.g. a child being mal-treated, is more likely to be that of outrage or anger.

Fairness is an interesting value. It is rarely the first thing on our mind when we think about what is important to us, however when it is taken away, suddenly its importance is brought into focus.

The level of importance the value of fairness holds for us and the resonance of the word to us will vary, depending on our experiences. It will be meaningful to a degree, so ask yourself if fairness was missing in my life, how bad would it be? How angry do you get when you see someone being unfair?

If you are a law enforcer, e.g. a police officer, a lawyer, or perhaps a human rights campaigner then I would expect the values of Fairness or Justice to feature highly in your personal core ‘top ten’ set of values. For the rest of us Fairness usually is quite important but rarely makes it to the top of the list.

Reflect on the importance of this value to you. Is it honoured in your life? Are you fair to others, are they fair to you and are you fair to yourself?

For more information on Values, please visit my website, you will find a free values identification exercise to help you discover what is important to you.

If you wished you enjoyed life more each day then read on for a useful Life Coaching NLP technique.

With the busy, stressed lives we lead, we can sometimes find ourselves ‘going through the motions’ of enjoying ourselves, without actually feeling it. How many times have you been out with friends, been to family parties, or even been on holiday but when you look back afterwards, can you really say you enjoyed yourself or even remember what happened without looking at the photos!

We can have very full social lives but not actually have fun, if we haven’t learnt to ‘be present’, by that I mean, live in the moment. If we are always checking our phones, worrying about how soon we can leave or thinking about what we going to do afterwards, then we are not being present and are unlikely to be really enjoying ourselves.

To help ‘be present’, use all your senses to be in the moment:

– really look at what you can see around you,
– focus on really listening to what you can hear,
– notice how you are feeling at that moment,
– touch the things around you, maybe the hand next to yours,
– allow good smells and tastes to linger a while and soak them up.

For example: a simple walk in the park can be really improved if you take time to focus on the moment. Look at the colours and patterns of the leaves, trees and grass around you, listen to the birds and the wind, smell and taste the air, touch a flower or a tree, focus on how you feel right now.

Using all your senses helps to relish and really live in the moment, to enjoy that time much more; it also helps you to remember it more vividly.

So if you want to enjoy life more, practice this technique until it becomes a good habit and part of the way you live your life.

Many times through my years in coaching, it has struck me how important values are; identifying ones own values can be a true ‘lightbulb moment’ of self awareness for most people.

Values are the things that are important to us, the core of who we are, the foundation of our lives, our reason for being, what makes us tick and indeed what makes us angry or upset if not honoured.

When I ask people what is important to them, often the responses are things like family, health or money, however these are not values. If we look a little deeper into ourselves and ask: what do these things give us? what do we get from them that is important to us? only then do we get closer to finding our core values e.g. from family we might get a sense of love, support or kindness. From having good health, we might get a sense of wellbeing or vitality. Money might give us security, choice or freedom.

We will find different values in different aspects of our lives, for example in terms of career we might value responsibility, recognition and sense of achievement, whereas in our home life, we might have values of stability, happiness and love. In our relationships with friends, we might value trust, honesty and loyalty. In interests or hobbies, things like fun, growth and contribution might be important to us. There may also be some cross-over, so values like fairness and respect may be important to us in all aspects of our lives and in all our relationships.

All these things may be important to us to a degree, the key is to find out which of them are our core values, the ‘top ten’ values that are individual and crucial to us that must be honoured in our lives for us to be happy and feel fulfilled.

When I have undertaken values exploration exercises with clients, they often say, ‘yes that’s me on a page!’ when they see the list of their top ten values, which represent their uniqueness and the core of who they are and what matters most to them. That new self-awareness and understanding allows them to focus and move forward in a positive way.

Once we understand our own true individual set of values, then we have a foundation that we can build on to construct a life that will bring us happiness and fulfilment.

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What Lindsay’s clients say

Since learning about my values and having coaching, day to day life has become so much easier, decisions are easier to make and I feel that in difficult situations, I can handle things much more easily, with as little stress as possible.’

Gwen O, Manager in Public Sector

‘What I found most useful from the sessions was working on defining my core values. Actually sitting down and looking at what things were important to me both personally and professionally helped guide some of the follow up sessions and in the couple of months since we finished I have often referred back to these values in order to make decisions and prioritise what needs to be done.’

Stacey Chapman, Wellbeing Business Owner

This process has helped in practical and emotional terms with new tools to look towards a positive career change. I have found the whole coaching experience liberating. The values and skills identification sessions were particularly helpful. I have gone from redundancy to having 2 jobs to choose from, one of which pays £15k more than my last job.

J Smyth Senior Manager, Housing Association

‘I found my sessions with Lindsay very helpful in ascertaining that the direction I was going with my career was not in line with my values. Through the exercises in the sessions (which were often challenging), I was excited to find new ideas and ways from getting from ‘A’ to ‘B’. This ultimately ended in finding job in a completely different area and I am looking forward to the future. I can’t thank you enough for helping me with the process’.

A. Healy, Executive Assistant to CEO.

‘By exploring my values I have had such a revelation and understanding as to ‘why’ I feel like I do when my values have not been ‘honoured’. It has helped me handle the ‘hurts’ so much better and I am now more in control of my emotions. A wonderful exercise and so fortunate to have Lindsay supporting me on my road to self discovery, thank you Lindsay’

Alix Woods, Nutritional Therapist

‘Lindsay West Coaching is awesome, what an insight into myself, my values, my beliefs, my perceptions and most importantly my expectations based on those things! Let me say, that if you really want to know who you are and what you stand for, have a session, it is a revelation! At least I know that Making the Difference is right at my core! Magnificent’