My take and undersatnding on this passage works for me now. "Honoring" my parents doesn't mean following and participating in their sickness. It means that I allow them to live the lives they're living, and put a boundary to protect myself from their sickness. It means that I "forgive them for they know not what they do", but it does not mean I allow them to trample over my human dignity any longer.

Our parents are sick people, and their recovery is their responsibility. If they're not able to take responsibility for their lives, that is their choice.

Our parents have the power to choose their own lives, and our acknowledgement (and letting go) of this is "honor". We "honor" their dignity as human beings, even when they cannot "honor" our dignity as human beings.

I am to honor my parents. Period. This verse does not carry the 'in the Lord' qualification, it is a new statement. But what is honor? Lack of disrespect.... I've been able (at least some) to fulfill this with politeness on the phone when required, no more screaming at them for their "crimes against me", etc etc. They know what they are - the Lord will deal with them. (Romans 12:19 "It is mine to avenge, I will repay.")

And if there's any doubt where to draw the line, there's Col 3:23 "And in all you do - do it as to the Lord".

Just my take.

Mmmm, I'm wondering if this is perhaps what he meant when he said "honor"...

I interpreted "honor" as respecting them, even when they aren't present (he mentioned not talking bad about them in front of others, etc, which, at the time, I also interpreted as I'm not supposed to tell people how they abused me, because that would be showing them in a bad light, and thus "dishonoring" them. Which is pretty much what my mother told me when I told her my father was molesting us - don't say such things! He's your father, you need to respect him!

I just don't know...

No offense, but I'll be direct. You father is a sicko and your mom was an enabler and a sicko and your pastor is full of shit for not bringing up the other truth. Run from this loser. I realize they are flesh and blood, but, dude they deserve no respect just your scorn. Hell, if they had been my "parents", they'd be six feet under. Best of luck to you.

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Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

I don't believe telling others for you to heal is dishonoring your parents - you're doing it for your healing - it's not even against them in that regard. I also don't believe God would expect you to not report something if you saw abuse (or any crime).

Yes, thank you. That is true.

I guess I was just slightly triggered because of the similarity to my mother's reaction when I told her...

Thank you, everyone, for your insights. This pastor is (fortunately) not our regular pastor. At this stage I am considering making an appointment with our regular pastor, and asking him to help me understand this better. I have spoken to him about my past before, so I think he should be able to help me place everything in context.

I really want to understand what God expects from me...

But first I have to deal with the issues from my other thread. My T keeps telling me "one thing at a time", and I keep struggling to stick to that. So I'll take her advice for now. I'm sure God will understand if I postpone this for a week or two...

_________________________
I guess what I'm trying to sayIs whose life is it anyway because livin'Living is the best revengeYou can play-- Def Leppard

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