Review in a Nutshell: A vanity piece designed to prop up the film career of Hulk Hogan, No Holds Barred features weird tonal shifts, bizarre editing choices, and a career-making performance by Tom “Tiny” Lister as the villainous wrestler, Zeus. It’s the kind of film that needs to be seen to be believed.

I managed to escape viewing this movie in my childhood (my first Hulk Hogan movie experience was Suburban Commando), but we used to “play” No Holds Barred on the playground during recess. This mostly consisted of us body slamming each other into tiny pieces of gravel over and over again. Kids are nigh immortal, I swear.

The Internet is wonderful because of how many things that would otherwise be lost for all time show up on it, which is why at this point I’m actively let down when something I remember seeing ISN’T instantly returned via a single search. In any case, here’s an ad from MTV featuring Hulk Hogan (this is years removed from the Rock N’ Wrestling Connection) which may or may not shed additional light on this movie:

It’s very clear from his attire that he’s publicizing No Holds Barred, but he never actually SAYS the name of the movie at any point. Is this because the guy’s a bad publicist–he was, after all, employed for years by TNA and habitually neglected to emphasize this in his media appearances–or was he not allowed to?

I’m sure he was well-paid. Hulk Hogan is the smartest man in the history of professional wrestling since he got paid the most for doing the least. (The second-smartest man is Kevin Nash, who was the subject of the LAST podcast.)

Wow – I just listened to your podcast, and I have to say I’m delighted to say I missed this one! I wasn’t sure if I’d seen it during that couple years’ period when Tammy and our friend Raquel were huge pro wrestling fans (Tammy was attracted to the larger-than-life characters and the story lines – she once planned to write a series of humorous short stories with immortal knights living into the present as pro wrestlers!) – but once you described the so-called “plot” to me, I was grateful I hadn’t….

Didn’t the friend of Nick Hogan survive? I thought that he’s brain damaged, and did not pass away. Shows you that I care as much about the kid as the Hogans did.

I don’t feel sorry for Hulk Hogan, not because he couldn’t care less about his son’s horribly injured friends, but because he’s lived a good life. Hulk Hogan is STILL the first name the public associates with wrestling. He’s the Superman of the scene, and he got a lot of shots based on that status.

Divorces happen to a lot of people. It happened when his kids were at an age where they could certainly get through it, so that was a silver lining. As for his health, Droz is still waiting for the cure for being paralyzed, so an older athlete who’s got messed up knees and whatnot isn’t something I’m that broken up about. Again, it’s something that happens to a lot of people. He throws a boot and leg drop just as well as he did in the 80s.