“Individually Sourced Beauty” has become my mantra. When I walk through Target to get duct tape and I pass the beauty aisles, I chant, “ISB, ISB,” to myself. If I have friends who are talking about getting pedicures this weekend, and wouldn’t it be fun if we all went together? my brain sounds the ISB alarm and I convince myself I can take care of my own feet. I observe my dwindling supply of makeup, and knowing that I won’t replace it once it’s gone – I make a point to look myself square in the mirror and say, “That’s okay. It’s more important to have a natural glow*.”

It’s been an emotionally charged journey to change my own thought process on feeling beautiful. My original intention had been to guide other women (and men! although it seems y’all prefer “ruggedly handsome” to “beautiful”, but…semantics) in discovering the hidden core of their own feeling of beauty, a God-given nugget inside of all of us that’s been obscured by scores of years and billions of dollars of advertising. In reality, it’s become more about sharing my own struggles as I try to accept emotionally what I seem capable of understanding intelligently. I hope that it’s still as meaningful reading as I had intended at the outset.

Yesterday, I cracked. I received a bad haircut from a stylist who wouldn’t listen to what I wanted, and I failed to convince myself that it didn’t matter. I said all the right things to myself – “Hair grows” and “I am not my hair” (isn’t that a song?) and “There’s been some pretty bad hair in history among world leaders, no one today measures their capability with hair”. And still, it was all I could do to keep still in the salon chair and not start to shout. 24 hours later and I’m still on the verge of crying.

In retrospect, I can identify three factors that broke my ISB zen. The first being that I’ve been doing a lot “without”. The scenarios I described at the beginning of this post are just a small sample of the discernment between “need” and “want” when if comes to taking care of myself. With so many ads, so many billions of dollars aimed at convincing women that they are inadequate, it’s an overwhelming, exhausting battle to fight. Halfway through my year commitment, and I’m pooped.

Second, the environment of the salon was everything that I’ve come to recognize as a beauty trap for consumers. Shelves lined with pretty bottles of product, huge posters of gorgeous women with amazing hair hanging on the walls, and a services guide on the wall – without prices. Stacks of books with innumerable nuances of cuts. Candy on the front desk lest anyone’s blood sugar drop and they get testy. After 6 months of grooming my consciousness to recognize when I’m being hemmed in by the beauty system, I cringed when I entered the salon. This was everything I’ve been trying to avoid.

Third, and certainly not least, the stylist didn’t listen to what I wanted. I described, using language I’ve used successfully before, what I wanted. She showed me a picture on the wall and said, “Like that?” and I said, “No,” and continued to describe what I meant. After ten minutes of snipping, I could put my head up and I saw to my horror, that most of my hair was gone. And I looked an awful lot like the picture on the wall. I said so, and the stylist said, “You wanted a cut like the picture, right? Well, don’t get sad, now you look like Jennifer Lawrence.” Um, sure? I look like Jennifer Lawrence in so much as we are both young, White females with (now) short hair. Oh and by the way, this cut is one I specifically said I did not want. And this is the clincher of what I’m trying to get at with ISB – we all have a choice to make. Beauty does not come standard in three different styles. Beauty is not a picture on the wall, it’s the person in front of you. Beauty is limitless, ageless, imaginative, unique! So when I said, “No,” to the picture on the wall, I meant it. I wanted what I wanted because that’s my choice to make. And this didn’t matter to the professional who was wielding the scissors, who made the decision for me – beautiful is close-cropped locks. Why am I upset? I hear her ask. Now you are beautiful like Jennifer Lawrence.

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I’m recovering from this episode, and hope to build a peace about it. I’m intensely grateful that A2Z Hope gives me a platform to process my thoughts and feelings and grateful to you, the reader, at this halfway mark. I start writing as soon as I get the inkling that I have something to say and you are often reading the first draft. My hope is that for the rest of this year I can continue to share the current re-wiring of my self-esteem, and that you find substantial meaning in it for yourself as well. And so, I invite you to reflect on your behaviors and attitudes toward beauty, health and wellness, fashion, style, etc. What influences you when making decisions in these realms?

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*How to get the “no-makeup makeup” look? It’s probably not as intense as that blog post makes it out to be. In fact, to get the “no-makeup makeup” look…maybe just don’t wear makeup. Similar to How to Get a Bikini Body.

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3 Responses to India.Arie gets it.

Lily- This post actually invaded my mind to the point I felt a long remaining strand of an idea in my head pulled back like a rubber band as if to snap it. It almost broke but then my other ideas on beauty ran to justify my presuppositions, rather my advertised-induced suppositions of what beauty is. I realize this is going to take year for me to reprogram how my senses interpret the beautiful. I’m glad you’re doing this experiment.

Lily – I second what Rob said. It is helping reprogram my view of beauty too. There were two things that really caught my attention in your post. One was about not following what advertising says, but embracing our God-given beauty. I see how that applies with everything in life and doubly so in the area I work in – preventing human trafficking. It’s mens’ cultural and societal perception of women that have such a great impact on the growing pornography industry and all its outlying shores of defilement. And one of the strong holds in this area is the advertising culture in the US and around the world – this very thing you are touching on and breathing new life into with your post!

Also, needs vs. wants are huge. It’s awesome to see you exploring that and pursuing that distinction in this day and age! So yeah, I love your post – even if I’ve never purchased make up in my life 🙂

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