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The Kpopalypse Lexicon

Are you confused about some of the imagery and terminology used by Kpopalypse? Having trouble differentiating your Cao Lu from your Cao Ni Ma? Ever scratched your head when Kpopalypse referred to something that didn’t seem to make any sense at all? Never fear because the Kpopalypse Lexicon is here to the rescue, to explain all those confusing terms just for you!

Believe it or not, I never deliberately set out to write blog posts in a way that was enigmatic or confusing for anybody, but as the k-pop cultural references and in-jokes piled up, it was inevitable that the blog took on its own kind of secret language. This might be alienating for new readers though, so isn’t it nice that I’m here to clarify things for them – yes it is. Some general k-pop knowledge terms and facts that will also ease understanding of Kpopalypse blog for newcomers to both Kpopalypse and k-pop in general are thrown in as well, just for good measure. The Kpopalypse Lexicon is my best friend, is the Kpopalypse Lexicon your best friend?

Anti Kpop-Fangirl – a site that I write for. You can visit it here, and I recommend that you do so. Strange and mysterious as it may seem, I am only one of many writers at Anti Kpop-Fangirl. There are many other writers, with many other opinions, sometimes the same as my own, sometimes not. Know this as trufax.

Army – fan of k-pop group BTS. Known for their erratic behaviour which includes death threats, violence and spamming “Any Armys Here?” everywhere possible on the Internet. The fanfiction “Any Armys Here?” explores the scary potential of Armys in greater detail, in a story that is probably closer to the truth than any of us know.

Asian Junkie – a site that I write for. You can visit it here, and I recommend that you do so. Strange and mysterious as it may seem, I am only one of many writers at Asian Junkie. There are many other writers, with many other opinions, sometimes the same as my own, sometimes not. Know this as trufax.

Answered Below, Scroll Down – sometimes shortened to “ABSD”. The response you may get if you ask a question that I’ve recently answered on my ask.fm and couldn’t be bothered answering twice. Scroll down, you lazy cao ni ma.

Bad Meaning Good – part of CL from 2NE1’s iconic spoken-word breakdown in her solo debut song “The Baddest Female“. If bad means good, then by logical conclusion, the worst song ever is the best song ever, which means that CL’s debut is the second-best k-pop song ever made. Click here for more great songs released that year.

Bad Thoughts Room – a hypothetical room that exists inside many k-pop agencies where idols are told to stand and look at a wall for hours as punishment/reformation for having thoughts not approved by their company. Often featured in Kpopalypse fanfiction.

([X] Is My) Best Friend, Is [X] Your Best Friend? – iconic line uttered by Tiffany, member of Girls’ Generation, when her group won Best Music Video at the YouTube Awards in 2013. Tiffany exclaimed “YouTube is my best friend, is YouTube your best friend?” to a nonplussed audience who mostly didn’t even know who she was let alone have any chance of comprehending the sheer density of air-headed cheesiness in her acceptance speech.

Betsy – author/ex-author at Asian Junkie, who has collaborated with Kpopalypse. In the interests of balancing the need to respect Betsy’s privacy and provide visually similar content to an actual Betsy appearance, images of Hitomi Tanaka are used to represent Betsy on Kpopalypse blog. However Betsy is real and can be contacted on Twitter and Curious Cat.

Bias – k-pop individuals to whom preference is shown, the only important preference for Kpopalypse purposes being fapability. Kpopalypse’s bias list is here and a continually-updated list of bias ratios for all reasonably active or known k-pop girl groups is here.

Blackjack – a fan of k-pop girl group 2NE1. Often a target for derision as Blackjacks tend to actually believe YG Entertainment’s wacky marketing. As 2NE1 have reached a quality nadir, Blackjack density (both in numerical quantity and brain matter viscosity) has increased, possibly due to YG’s clever deployment of Bad Meaning Good ideology.

Black Ocean – refers to k-pop fans in an audience turning off their lightsticks to show disapproval for a performer or group, because they’re too pussy to throw rocks or bottles. Only one confirmed black ocean exists in k-pop history, which I have discussed previously at length here. The group involved, Girls’ Generation, went on to become the most successful girl group in k-pop history to date, which just goes to show that k-pop fans are as dumb as they are powerless.

Block B mirror – a reference to the mirror in this fanfiction, which Block B fans took surprisingly well, proving that they are generally more rational on average than Blackjacks.

Bom Realdoll – singer for k-pop girl group 2NE1. Often mentioned with the “Realdoll” suffix attached due to her sexy resemblance to the popular life-size sex doll brand. Many speculate that this is due to plastic surgery but it is possible that Bom just got prettier.

Boram/My Mother – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group T-ara. Similarities between Boram and my mother include facial features, height, dancing ability, hairstyle choice, clothing choice, interest in Buddhist philosophy and aptitude at cooking chicken. As a result it is difficult to tell Boram and my mother apart in many circumstances, including the above picture which could easily be either of them.

Bread Shuttle – targets of bullying in the very messed up Korean school system. The term comes from bullies forcing students to buy bread from a local shop and bring it back within an unrealistically short timeframe – when the victims invariably fail, punishment is given. Other types of shuttlers also exist but the term “bread shuttle” in Kpopalypse blog can refer to any type of shuttler.

Bullying – an activity that many k-pop fans love and participate in on a regular basis, this is obvious by the way they comment in online articles, making extra effort to always victimise celebrities who are females and younger and therefore weaker, softer targets – a common bullying pattern is to pick on the weak. Since many k-pop fans probably also experience bullying, I made a help post for bully victims, use it wisely.

Buttplug – any mention of buttplugs on Kpopalyspe blog is a reference to the bullying rumours surrounding k-pop girl group Lovelyz, where it was alleged that Seo Jisoo was (among about 57 other things) an inserter of buttplugs into the anuses of other girls. This laughable and obviously fake rumour was later proven false, surprising nobody with a brain but also sadly robbing the k-pop world of its first GG Allin.

Buzzfeed Of K-pop – Kpopalypse term for Koreaboo, a k-pop news website that has become notorious for posting cheap and morally sketchy low-content click-bait list articles.

Calmly Accept – reference to KARA’s press release declaring their enthusiasm for the entrance of new group member Youngji. Kpopalypse believes that it is important to calmly accept many things in life, such as death, taxes, unrequited love and whatever Bravesound release this week.

CBF – Can’t Be Fucked. How Kpopalypse feels about a lot of things he gets asked about on ask.fm.

CF – Commercial film. A TV advertisement, and where k-poppers make a large percentage of their money (NOT music sales or chart performance).

Chanmi – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group AOA (Ace Of Angels). Sometimes referred to as “Fat Chanmi” but that’s just the fatness of the layers of clothing combined with the fatness of your skull. People are just jealous because the pretty girls are AOA.

Classy-Sexy – means “sexy in a subtle way” to most people, but to k-pop fans means “video play-rape“. Many k-pop fans have women-hating tendencies so seeing women get raped in music videos is very cathartic for them and bestows utmost feelings of classiness, enabling smooth fapping action.

Coffee Filter Changer – when used in Kpopalypse blog, a reference to the idea that people tend to talk up their music industry experience in unrealistic and exaggerated ways in order to seem more connected into the music industry than they really are. For instance, if you were the cleaner in a music studio, you could change the coffee filters in the studio coffee machine. Then you can tell all of your friends that you “worked in a music studio” or put that on your resume. They will then (hopefully) think you did something big and impressive, they won’t know that you know nothing about music or sound and all you did was change the coffee filter, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them.

Coffee Table – one example of sharp-edged furniture.

Conceptual Continuity – phrase coined by Frank Zappa to describe the repeated use of certain motifs or statements specifically employed to unify a collection of artistic or literary work. This Lexicon is essentially a collection of conceptual continuity artifacts.

Confirmation Bias – an extremely common thought pattern among modern Internet users, and especially k-pop fans. It refers to when people decide the result of their “research” before they even undertake any, and therefore then only collect information that reinforces their pre-existing belief. In the meantime they filter out or automatically dismiss any data that might contradict their beliefs, challenge their point of view or make them feel uncomfortable. Explained in more detail here.

C O S P L A Y – Henry from Super Junior M made a post about groupmate Yesung’s costume as a sexy pirate, comparing it to Thor wearing a blonde wig and spelling out the word “c o s p l a y”, presumably to educate people who were offended by Yesung’s darker-than-natural skin tone. This was highlighted on Asian Junkie, who naturally had some issues with it as well as the Kpopalypse Frenchface article. Deployment of the term C O S P L A Y on Kpopalypse blog may indicate making fun of Henry, Yesung, Asian Junkie, outrage culture in general, or any combination of these.

(Nobody Cares About) CSJH The Grace – SM Entertainment’s complete failure pre-Girls’ Generation vocalfag female k-pop group, active for a very brief period in the mid-2000s that nobody really remembers specifically. It just goes to show how few people care about CSJH The Grace that this entry is required. The timely demise of this group and the ascent of Girls’ Generation marked the start of k-pop’s first golden age.

Determination – a very important quality to have in any workplace scenario, such as being a member of a k-pop group. The word “determination” was made iconic by k-pop girl group T-ara who righteously and correctly told their ex-member Hwayoung off for “lack of determination”, due to her not performing due to a leg injury (something that never stopped any other T-ara members in the past, who would routinely attend schedules on crutches) at extremely short notice (only a few minutes before stage time) as well as lying about the injury’s severity, pretending that she had to go home to rest it and then skipping off to the beauty shop to get her nails done while the rest of T-ara sweated it out onstage trying to cover her parts. The rest of T-ara let Hwayoung know how they felt about her “difference in determination levels” via Twitter later, as publicly naming and shaming the lazy hoe was probably the only way to get her ass into shape. Then later on Hwayoung got the boot from the group for not meeting required standards. Of course, Koreans being the laziest workers in all OECD countries sympathised with Hwayoung because they could relate more to Hwayoung’s laziness than the notoriously hard-working remaining T-ara members, and then proceeded to attempt to wreck T-ara’s career with fake bullying rumours. Of course lazy people can’t do anything right, so inevitably Korean netizencyberbullying pressure tactics failed and T-ara are still around and stronger than ever at the time of writing.

Detox – never-to-be-released album by rapper Dr. Dre that only AOA’s Jimin has heard in full. This means that Jimin has the secret knowledge and understands rap music better than anyone else on the planet… possibly including Dr. Dre himself.

DiCaprio Syndrome – any male cast in a role in a movie or music video where they are supposed to be tough, bad-ass or wise, but look far too young, fresh-faced or daft for the part. The term comes from the film Titanic where Leonardo DiCaprio was cast as a world-weary traveller despite looking like he’d just graduated from Silver Spoons High.

Dog-Whistle Message – a dog whistle is a whistle of a frequency that dogs can hear but humans cannot. A “dog-whistle message” in a k-pop song, or MV, movie or anything else is a message that is targetted specifically at a certain section of the audience and that only they can fully understand, while the rest of the audience may instead perceive a completely different message… or no message at all. Explained in more detail here and here.

Eat Your Kimchi – sometimes shortened to “EYK”. A v-logging duo both loved and hated in approximately equal measure by k-pop fans. Kpopalypse has no horse in this particular race however, he just likes Martina’s boobs.

Eunjung – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group T-ara. As the person in k-pop most heavily targetted by obviously fake bullying rumours, Eunjung’s image has been co-opted by Kpopalypse blog as a symbol of anti-confirmation bias and pro-rational thinking.

Expect Us Fondly – the phrase “expect us fondly” doesn’t come from anywhere specific but similar statements are often used at the end of cringeworthy press releases by k-pop groups who are hyping up their audience in anticipation of a forthcoming music video, concert or other activity. Variations of this message are often used by Kpopalypse to lampoon the superficial cheesiness and ultra-vapidity of many aspects of k-pop culture.

(x)fagging – caring excessively about a particular detail of something to the point where it blinds the person’s perception of the reality of the bigger, more important picture. The most common type of fagging in k-pop is vocalfagging, but there are many other kinds.

Faggot Bitch – an iconic phrase coined by Zico of Block B in his rap song “Tough Cookie“. Don’t worry kids – he’s not anti-gay! “Faggot” just means “loser” or “idiot”, so it’s totally acceptable to say “faggot bitch” at any moment. Getting offended about it is just getting a bit carried away, after all who would be offended by the word “loser”? Feel free to use the phrase “faggot bitch” informally with friends, lovers and acquaintances as well as in polite company, when landing that important business deal, to lighten the mood at the dinner table with your significant other’s parents, when ordering food from a flight attendant or at any other moment. Gosh, it’s good that Netizenbuzz has explained this clearly so nobody hates on Zico, the poor kid has enough pressure from all those people upset about his Confederate-flag-waving.

Fangirl/fanboy – people who follow k-pop and idolise k-pop idols to the point of irrationality. The adulation is superficial and fickle in nature, thus fangirls/fanboys are easily capable of turning their opinion on a dime, suddenly hating their previously loved idols when they are revealed to be normal humans instead of the flawless angelic creations from heaven that they imagine them as. Fangirl/boyism is a symptom of mental illness and entire websites are devoted to helping those in the most need.

Fanfiction – fiction story written by a k-pop fan, usually about their favourite k-pop idols. Always crap, because the story tends to focus on making the idol seem glorious, attractive, cool or Mary Sue instead of actually telling a decent story that somebody would want to read. Kpopalypse writes fanfiction partly as a way to explain realities and potentialities of the k-pop world and its fans, and partly as a way to counterbalance the typical insipid crappy fanfiction that abounds elsewhere on the Internet.

Fap – masturbation. Fapping is healthy, fun and also useful for personal sexual research purposes which will pay off later in life (if you can’t get yourself off, how is anyone else expected to know how to?). Kpopalypse supports fapping.

Fapability – the ease at which one can fap to the thoughts and/or image of an individual. Those with high fapability levels meet required standards.

Fei – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group miss A, who have four members, three of whom are not Suzy.

53.1kg – a reference in the fanfic “Any Armys Here?” to freakishly thin beauty standards in k-pop for female idols. Girls in the world of k-pop who weigh this weight or above might find themselves the target of unpleasant ostracision and intense company and peer pressure.

Fourth Wall Of Fap – refers to the theater term “the fourth wall“. When the “fourth wall of fap” is broken, it means that the fantasy that you’re fapping to starts to lose credibility, usually due to elements which detract from the fantasy’s constructed illusion of authenticity. Discussed further here.

Frenchface – mocking French people by donning the stereotypical costume of a French person for the purposes of (deliberate or accidental) ridicule. Utilised in an article by Kpopalypse “Why it’s not okay to wear Frenchface (ever)“, where several examples of Frenchface by Korean pop idols are given. This article has been both praised and criticised and has the distinction of being the most virally popular Kpopalypse article ever.

Gain – pictured above. Singer in k-pop group Brown Eyed Girls and undisputed master of the classy-sexy concept. Gain has been classy-sexy in more k-pop videos than any other idol.

Golden Age Of K-pop – the years 2008-2011, considered by Kpopalypse to be k-pop’s first major pop music songwriting quality peak. A second Golden Age has not yet commenced and given current trends seems unlikely in the very near future, however not impossible!

Got Prettier – received plastic surgery. This is a reference to YG Entertainment’s laughable press release that responded to rumours about Minzy from 2NE1’s plain-as-day nose surgery. The press release claimed that she just “became prettier, there’s nothing more to it than that” and one of the fake netizen comments also mentioned that she “got prettier“. YG later admitted that they lied about it and that she did in fact receive plastic surgery. Not that anyone with a life cares, and hey if there are spare parts from Bom‘s face lying around it’d be a waste not to use them somewhere. Also see “turned twenty“.

(The) Great Satan – Kpopalypse term for Allkpop, ultra-trashy “news” site which is mostly just a k-pop press-release-republishing site, with small amounts of extremely poor journalism, lame opinion and unethical scandal-mongering added. The phrase “The Great Satan” comes from Middle-Eastern dictators who would use this term frequently to describe the USA and other western countries, and is used by Kpopalypse blog only for its comically exaggerated tone of extreme vilification. Kpopalypse does not like Allkpop, find out why here.

Hanbok – traditional Korean dress. Most of the k-pop girls in this list are wearing hanbok or modern hanbok variations, and hanbok pictures also feature in the article index as well as a few other posts, mainly just for colour-adding purposes.

Health Improvement – a possible side-effect of looking at a lot of healthy porn for men.

Healthy Porn For Men – so-called “innocent” or “cute” female k-pop idol video concepts that are actually dog-whistle concepts designed to appeal to uncle fans for later use. Read more about this phenomenon here.

Hey! – iconic line used by AOA (Ace Of Angels) in many of their songs, and almost always spoken by Jimin.

Hitomi Tanaka – a JAV star with extremely large natural breasts. Relevant to k-pop because of JongTomi… and because of extremely large natural breasts, which are always relevant to everything at all times.

Hitter – politically-correct substitute for the word “nigger”, that was used by k-pop group K.A.R.D. during a live performance of a shitty Rihanna song “Bitch Better Have My Money”. At first fans though that the group may have said “nigger” during the song (as the original does) but a clarifying statement plus officially provided audio proved that the substitute “hitter” was in fact used. This usage caused K.A.R.D. to be completely forgiven of any possible charges of racism by Asian Junkie, despite the original intended meaning of the word “nigger” still being 100% present in the song, in a similar fashion to how “the n-word” is used as a substitute for “nigger” in the United States, forcing the listener to recognise that “nigger” has in fact been said (which means that you’re still saying “nigger” anyway) while simultaneously hypocritically exonerating all sorts of potential racism from scrutiny. As a parody of many k-pop fans’ inability to process offensive words in any kind of adult context, Kpopalypse has adopted “hitter” as a useful word with special powers that can be applied to any potentially racist or otherwise unacceptable statements to make them seem completely non-racist and acceptable to such fans, especially any in relation to K.A.R.D.

Hive-Mind – the ability for people to all think the same thing just because it’s trendy and everybody else around them is doing it. Examples include Nazis at the peak of Hitler’s popularity, the Zerg, netizens on a witch-hunt and Blackjacks.

Hold Hands And Think Pure Thoughts – what two pure innocent people do when they go out on a date together. This reference comes from the “Central Scrutinizer”, who narrates the album Joe’s Garage by Frank Zappa. How the hell a Frank Zappa fan started writing about k-pop is a question that you could legitimately ask yourself at this point.

Hyomin – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group T-ara, and like all T-ara members, an expert netizen troller. Hyomin took her netizen trolling to the next level on her solo song “Nice Body” which was a pretty average song musically but delivered netizens some important life lessons.

IATFB – head writer and editor at Asian Junkie. Known for liking K.A.R.D, occasionally writing about other k-pop matters in between posts about liking K.A.R.D, and his sanitised, politically-correct edits of Kpopalypse articles that occasionally have appeared on his site.

Ilbe – a satirical Korean website, the closest western equivalent probably being either 4chan or Encyclopedia Dramatica, in humour content, political content as well as generally being “that site lots of people look at but nobody wants to admit that they look at”. Kpopalypse articles have been reposted to Ilbe. Some say that Ilbe’s political aspect is disturbingly ugly but I think miss A’s Suzy in hanbok is more disturbingly ugly.

I Likey Likey Dis, I Likey Likey Dat, I Like Dis Like Dat Yeah – iconic rap line from the greatest k-pop feature track of all time, T-ara‘s “Roly Poly“. The rap part is genius for its incredible inane stupidity, and notable for the fact that even though it’s ulimately crap it doesn’t actually fuck the song up at all but just serves as a welcome interlude between the song’s actual decent sections. Also noteworthy because it was the first and last time that ex-member Hwayoung was ever asked to do anything of cultural relevance, so this quote is often used when referencing Hwayoung. There is no Hwayoung entry in this lexicon because this post took many days to complete and I’m lacking in determination.

Iljin – the cool kids in Korean high school that you can’t hang with because you’re such a faggot bitch. Several k-pop stars are accused of being iljins, which probably just means that they smoked a cigarette, drunk a bottle of soju and had oral sex every now and then after school while you slaved away on your homework and fapped to Sailor Moon. Read more about the joys of iljin life here.

IU – pictured above. IU is a solo k-pop singer who originally traded on an image of having never been kissed (like Britney Spears), but later was revealed through an accidentally-uploaded photograph as a potential rampaging cum-dumpster. Netizens were very upset about being sold such a lie of innocence and purity, which just goes to show how dumb netizens are that they believed such an obvious lie in the first place. IU’s image has since been appropriately sexed-up to match this newfound perception of her so everybody is now a winner.

JAV – Japanese adult video. The Japanese may fail at pop music but they meet required standards for pornography production. JAV typically features more classy-sexy behaviour than porn from other countries, plus it’s the closest Asian country to Korea with an active and openly-operating porn industry, so many k-pop fans and idols are fapping to JAV.

Jelly Snacks – when Bom Realdoll was caught smuggling drugs into Korea, she apparently attempted to smuggle them through international mail inside a box of jelly snacks. Use of the term “jelly snacks” therefore refers to any illicit drug favoured by Korean pop idols.

Jessica Jawshave – Jessica, ex-member of k-pop group Girls’ Generation (SNSD). Referred to as Jessica Jawshave because her facial profile indicates potential jaw surgery. Read all about the potential fun of jawshaves here.

Jimin – Jimin can refer to Park Jimin of k-pop girl duo 15&, Park Jimin of boy group BTS (Bangtan Boys), or even actress Han Jimin, but when used in isolation in k-pop terminology Jimin most commonly refers to Shin Jimin of the group AOA (Ace Of Angels). Be sure to always refer to one of the other Jimins whenever someone starts talking about AOA’s Jimin. Jimin says “Hey!” a lot, and also carries a lot of AOA’s iconic spoken interludes, such as “The pretty girls are AOA“.

Jiyeon – pictured above. Singer in k-pop girl group T-ara. Also often referred to as “cyclops“, “cyclopean overlord” etc due to her eyes being closer together than those of most k-pop idols. It has been speculated that when focused correctly, beams of pure energy emanate from her eye and are capable of immense destructive powers. Netizens should be careful.

JongTomi – the only one true ship in k-pop, boy group SHINee’s Jonghyun and JAV actress Hitomi Tanaka. Evidence here.

Jpopalypse – someone who you should ask questions about j-pop to, instead of me. Kpopalypse does not care about j-pop, a genre with literally one solitary good song, and which constantly panders to the raincoat market. Don’t try to convince me otherwise, you’re wasting your time (no, really).

KKS – Kim Kwang Soo, ex-CEO of Core Contents Media, fun-loving figure of mirth and general all-around spectacular guy who has given you such great products as T-ara and been responsible for churning out a higher percentage of Kpopalypse biases than any other CEO. He also gave my mother a job which means that he’s a swell guy, and he has also reflected and returned with a more mature image which you can read about here. You may also wish to read more about the wonderful things that KKS has done to improve the quality of your life here.

KRIMBF, IKRYBF? – stands for “Kpopalypse roundup is my best friend, is Kpopalypse roundup your best friend?” A frequent response from Kpopalypse on ask.fm to questions about songs that are soon to be included in the Kpopalypse roundup series.

K-Tigers – a large co-ed martial arts group that has also debuted in k-pop as an idol group. Co-ed idol groups (groups with mixture of male and female members) are extremely rare in k-pop, but as K-Tigers are not very well known to k-pop fans, when K.A.R.D debuted many people reacted as if K.A.R.D were the only co-ed group in existence at that time. As K-Tigers are more nugu than K.A.R.D. and according to Kpopalypse have better songs on average (so far), K-Tigers is used interchangeably with K.A.R.D. on Kpopalypse blog for “media balancing” reasons, implying that K-Tigers are in fact the only co-ed group in k-pop to balance the excessive K.A.R.D. coverage on Asian Junkie where K-Tigers are generally ignored.

Krystal – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group f(x), and Jessica Jawshave‘s less attractive sister. That’s why Jessica gets to be in the big mainstream pop group for global appeal and Krystal gets to be in the artsy-fartsy left-field semi-experimental pop group.

Luna – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group f(x), and the “nice” one according to rumours. These probably-bullshit rumours have inspired her exaggerated characterisation as a goody two-shoes in certain Kpopalypse fanfictions.

Mamamoo Syndrome – a Kpopalypse theory that when a group consists of above-average singers, songwriters try less hard to give them decent material. Instead of giving them decent songs, songwriters will just clear out their low-quality lazily-written blues-based garbage hoping that the singers can lift the quality into something reasonable purely with their voices. Of course this never works in reality. The syndrome is named after Mamamoo as they appear to be a consistent victim of this practice (although not the only ones).

Martina – female component of v-logging duo Eat Your Kimchi, noted by Kpopalypse for her outstanding physical appearance, much to the chagrin of all other k-pop followers everywhere. The only person in the world of k-pop to score a perfect 10 in Kpopalypse’s guides to k-pop’s biggest boobs.

Mary Sue – a character in a fanfiction who is written to be “special” and “flawless”, or alternatively, flawed to the point of syrupy cliche. K-pop fanfiction writers often can’t resist characterising their favourite idols in this manner, which is why Kpopalypse more often portrays idols as abrasive, rude or just incredibly ordinary people underneath the surface (which is the most likely scenario in reality).

Meets Required Standards – sometimes shortened to “MRS”. An indication that were I to be single, if I met the person discussed, they would qualify for activities of a sexual nature, should they be interested in such activities with myself. This phrase is my own invention and is deliberately nonchalant and emotionally detached in tone. The purpose of the phrase’s detached flat nature is to provide a counterbalance to the annoying spazzing over favourite idols that exists in all other corners of the k-pop world, thus highlighting how emotionally immature and stupid such activity is and that people being hot is not really that big of a deal.

Microdot – a device used by spies to store and transport information discreetly, a microdot can hold lots of useful secret info in a dot no bigger than the size of a mole. It is speculated by Kpopalypse that Qri holds many k-pop secrets in her nose microdot.

Minkyung – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl duo Davichi. Minkyung is the more attractive member of the group, meaning that she gets more hate from fangirls, who are doing their best to drive a wedge between the duo despite the fact that none exists in reality. She also has lots of pearly volume.

Nana – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl groups After School and Orange Caramel. Considered the “hot one” by most k-pop observers, but the “not one” by Kpopalypse, hence she is sometimes referred to by Kpopalypse as “Not-Raina“.

Netizen – abbreviation for Internet citizen. Somebody who comments on the Internet and/or is active in Internet communities. Sometimes such people are mature, rational and level-headed folks who consider evidence carefully before making comment… but usually not.

Netizenbuzz – a website devoted to collecting and translating the replies of Korean netizens to articles in the Korean pop media. Despite not being a news site, actually does a far better job of sharing news than other official “news” websites such as The Great Satan. Also does a much better job of spreading scandals, which are sometimes clarified and contextualised for the benefit of the site’s mostly dumb, reactionary and easily-led audience, but sadly, usually not. Read more here.

Netizenbuzz hate-train – refers to the hive-minded qualities exhibited by the international Netizenbuzz community who will often just parrot the thoughts and opinions of the translated Korean netizens.

Never Been Kissed (Like Britney Spears) – a common marketing position for k-pop girl groups and female idols portraying an “innocent” image. Recent k-pop examples include IU and Apink. The reference to western pop idol Britney Spears is because Britney also (ludicrously) claimed the same marketing position for her first two albums.

Not-Raina – see Nana.

Noyeon Effect – opposite of the Snowyeon Effect.

Nugu – means “who?” in Korean, used to describe k-pop groups that do not have market popularity and/or that nobody cares about.

Nugu Alert – Kpopalypse blog series devoted to increasing nugu awareness. As someone who has played in various nugu groups of my own for decades, I can sympathise with the plight of the nugu wholeheartedly, and having seen thousands of groups of all fame levels perform over the years I am more than aware that popularity doesn’t always equal quality. Nugu Alert attempts to bring to the reader nugus of all types within the k-pop world, giving you my opinions but also enabling you the reader to make your own decisions about what you might think is worthy of more attention and interest.

OH&S Compliance – Occupational Health and Safety, something which should be of paramount concern to all k-pop stars as the consequences of not making safe non-OH&S compliant items (such as sharp-edged furniture) could result in injury or even death.

Oh Hye Rin (Raina) – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl groups After School and Orange Caramel. Considered the “not one” by most k-pop observers, but the “hot one” by Kpopalypse. Reigning #1 Kpopalypse k-pop bias, Raina has also inspired her own religion, Rainaism.

One True Ship – “One True Partnership”, often abbreviated to “OTP”, an imagined pairing that in the heart of the k-pop fan, must be true. In Kpopalypse’s case, the OTP of choice is JongTomi.

Oppressing Women And Minorities – something that Kpopalypse does often, according to his critics. Can you feel the oppression emanating from this very page, ensnaring you and holding you back from your true potential? Be sure to let him know, so he can reflect and return with a more mature image.

Postcard – why not send a postcard to Kpopalypse? You can send any old random shit on a postcard to: Kpopalypse, 3D Radio PO Box 937 Stepney SA 5069 Australia. Postcards may be featured in upcoming blogs! Do it, cao ni ma!

Press Release – a media statement released by an entertainment agency, designed to give media outlets something to base their articles on. Lazier media outlets won’t actually bother to write their own articles though, they’ll just copy and paste the press release verbatim instead because it’s quicker and easier to do so, plus it makes the agency happier to essentially get free advertising this way instead of an actual thoughtful article that may contain an opinion that differs from the “official line” of the press release. Read more about the hidden language of k-pop press releases here.

(The) Pretty Girls Are AOA – iconic line from the song “Like A Cat” from AOA (Ace Of Angels), and delivered by Jimin, the source of all iconic lines in all AOA songs.

Pseudofeminism – the act of pretending to be a feminist while simultaneously engaging in or condoning behaviour that actually impedes the advancement of women’s rights. The classic example is slut-shaming women who don’t wear a lot of clothing in music videos and thus attempting to deprive those women of income via Internet pressure (remember that noted feminist Madonna also never wore much clothing in music videos, and made millions doing so), but there are many others.

Qri – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group T-ara. Owner of the Qri nose mole, the only truly iconic facial blemish in k-pop.

Qri Doesn’t Care – she really doesn’t. Kpopalypse has noted that Qri not caring is a statement of correct trufax. The name “Qri Doesn’t Care” comes from a T-ara fan who uses the same moniker. If you wanted to know more about Qri not caring, you could ask them about it.

QRIMOLE – Kpopalypse blog series that answers miscellaneous questions from readers, where the answers are deemed too big for ask.fm but too small to justify a separate post all of their own. The term QRIMOLE is an acronym, the meaning of which changes and is non-specific, quite ridiculously insulting my own lazy English.

Raincoat Market – in the days before home video, those who wished to fap to JAV had to go to the local adult cinema. These intrepid explorers of fap would often bring their raincoats so they could fap in the cinema seat without getting jizz on their clothes. With the advent of home video, this practice dwindled sharply, therefore all of the “raincoat crowd” are very old now, much older than me (I grew up in the VHS home videocassette era, whereas these people were sexually mature pre-VHS). Anything aimed at the “raincoat market” is therefore targetting this particular section of elderly gentlemen fappers, roughly analogous with uncle fans.

Rainook – an alternate name for Jiyul from k-pop girl group Bloomy, so named because she looks like a cross between After School/Orange Caramel’s Raina and Rainbow’s Jisook.

Redistribution – a funding model adopted by Way’s Girls.

Reflect And Return With A More Mature Image – a typical cliched statement of the type common in k-pop press releases after an individual or group has been caught up in a controversy. Normal controversy-thwarting tactics employed by k-pop agencies are not to argue that the controversy is baseless (even if it is) but to enter a “reflection period” where the artist or group ceases activities for a while so the public has time to forgive and forget. Of course, this tactic usually only works with male groups, who can be forgiven for just about anything over time by k-pop’s legions of crazy fangirls – female groups and individuals on the other hand are never forgiven and cyberbullied mercilessly over events many years old regardless of any reflection period undertaken (or not).

Rise – pictured above. Ex-member of k-pop girl group Ladies Code, sadly now deceased due to a car accident that claimed her life as well as the life of groupmate EunB. Read more about the Kpopalypse take on this horrible and tragic incident here.

Sasaeng – crazy k-pop fans in Korea who stalk their idols by following their cars in rented taxis, harassing them at airports, stalking their dormitories, etc. Sasaengs in Korea form organised gangs and are very scary and weird. But don’t worry, a solution is underway…

Sea Of Cancer – Kpopalypse term for the international netizen community that follows and comments on articles at Korean translator site Netizenbuzz.

Seolhyun – pictured above. Singer in k-pop group AOA (Ace Of Angels). Included here because the pretty girls are AOA.

Shindong – singer from k-pop boy group Super Junior. Noted for his outstanding girth (an anomaly among k-pop’s chiseled men) which no heterosexual female or homosexual male can resist. Given that one Shindong is worth several normal k-pop guys, he is often highlighted in Kpopalypse posts as an effective way to restore precious gender balance.

Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus – noted and prolific k-pop songwriter and producer Shinsadong Tiger mentioned in an interview that he has hooked up several idol couples with the use of his motor vehicle, as the motor vehicle affords them the privacy they would be denied in a hotel or other public location. This vehicle has been dubbed the “Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus” by Kpopalypse in reference to the (presumably similar) vehicle in the “Bangbus” series of “reality” porn videos. Read more here.

Ship – imaginary partnership usually dreamed up by fangirls between various idols (usually male-male or male-female, very rarely female-female unless one of the women is Amber) and a common subject of k-pop fanfiction.

Shit Music Disease – a medical condition created by listening to too many shitty k-pop comebacks. Symptoms can vary. Be warned – advanced cases of shit music disease can be fatal!

Showering (is not hip-hop) – noted veteran hip-hop legend Bobby from IKON was recently asked to draw on his decades of experience with hip-hop culture and reveal what it is that defines true hip-hop. He revealed that going to school without showering was a key component of the hip-hop lifestyle. Having met several young people in my own town’s local hip-hop scene, I have no reason to doubt this information!

Shure Super 55 – a faux-vintage stage microphone that almost nobody in Korea knows how to use correctly. More info here.

Situation Room – a hypothetical room that exists inside many k-pop agencies where wire-tapping telephone operators track the activities of fangirls and anti-fans. Often featured in Kpopalypse fanfiction.

Snowyeon Effect – the effect where the attractiveness of female idols increases exponentially when styled in a subtle way that matches ballad song material. Demonstrated by T-ara‘s Soyeon here.

Spazzing – acting like a fucking spasticated retard just because your favourite person in a k-pop group did something that you like, such as looked at you, moved their arm a bit, or breathed in air.

Special Needs – from time to time, everyone has special needs. More info here.

SPERMGULP – struggling k-pop girl group who had difficulty finding a core audience. More info here.

SPUNKMOP – new k-pop girl group on the Woollim Entertainment label who are always getting their activities delayed due to the label focusing on CUMRAG‘s success. More info here.

Stop The Madness – a 1980s anti-drug campaign that targeted music fans, an arm of the Reagan administration’s “War On Drugs” in the US. During the 1980s and 1990s the “Stop The Madness” logo appeared in the liner notes of several heavy metal albums, containing the slogan: “Drugs are no fun. Drugs endanger the life and happiness of millions. It must stop. We appeal in particular to the youth of today. Stop the madness! There are better things in life.” As the effect of this campaign was basically nothing, this slogan or variations thereof are sometimes employed by Kpopalypse as a demonstration of the disingenuity and ineffectiveness of tokenistic sloganeering.

Sulli – see Cao Ni Ma.

Tabs – Kpopalypse blog series devoted to figuring out chords and arrangements of k-pop songs. The term “tabs” is short for “tablature” which is guitarists’ “cheat-sheet music” that substitutes numerical string fingering positions for notes on a stave. This type of music notation is quicker and easier to teach guitarists with than formal music notation which is why it is preferred, however not all of the “tabs” series of posts contain actual tablature and the chord charts given can be used for other instruments.

Taeyeon – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group Girls’ Generation and vocalfag favourite. The picture above is a fairly old picture of Taeyeon, she doesn’t look much like this anymore, I guess this means that she got prettier.

T-ara – iconic k-pop group with the most impressive hit-miss ratio of quality songs over an extensive time period, as well as a high ratio of fappable members and a reliable ability to annoy Korean netizens and general hive-minded idiots thus making them the closest thing that k-pop has right now to the perfect k-pop group. T-ara will continue to be featured heavily by Kpopalypse in future posts to annoy the maximum amount of people who deserve annoyance.

Terminal Ass Cancer – a particularly nasty form of cancer which grows inside someone’s ass and (as the name implies) is fatal. Can be caused by advanced cases of shit music disease, or more commonly by other factors such as extreme butthurt.

Thoughts? – the most common (and boring) question that I get on ask.fm is “Thoughts?” followed by a link to a video. If you’re a frequent user of my ask.fm please try to do a little bit better than this with your question – maybe adding your own thoughts to the question might be a good idea, or letting me know specifically what you would like me to focus on or comment on may also be more interesting. Just a “thought”.

Throwing Eggs – when you really are upset by a k-pop agency’s decisions, you mean business and you want to show it, you throw an egg at a k-pop agency building, miss and hit the gutter. Eggs are cheap to obtain, can be thrown easily and make a mess – their residue is difficult to clean and may take up to two days to wash off the nearby gutter completely. That’ll show ’em. Also see toilet paper.

Toilet Paper – when you really are upset by a k-pop agency’s decisions, you mean business and you want to show it, you send a k-pop agency toilet paper via courier or the postal service. Toilet paper has low weight per volume so it’s cheap to send somewhere without breaking the budget while causing maximum storage problems for the recipient. That’ll show ’em. Also see throwing eggs.

Tribal Lycra Spacesuit – generic boy-band pseudo-futuristic mish-mash fashion costume, usually with a metallic look and possibly random spikes, chains etc. May or may not be literally tribal, lycra or a spacesuit.

Trufax – means “true facts”. This is a term that comes from the English science fiction book Riddley Walker, where the protagonist of a post-apocalyptic scavenger era speaks in a bastardised future dialect of English with many words simplified and shortened.

Tsk Tsk – common Korean netizen expression used to express condescending disapproval. Co-opted by Kpopalypse usually to express condescending disapproval of condescending disapproval.

Turned Twenty – received plastic surgery. Comes from the same laughable YG press statement that suggested Minzy’s changed face wasn’t because she got plastic surgery but just because she became older, a lie that also spawned the phrase got prettier and that the label later admitted was false.

Uncanny Valley – a scientific idea that when people look almost but not quite natural, they can cause more disturbing reactions to the viewer than people who look either completely natural, or completely fake. Often used by Kpopalypse to refer to people who have gotten prettier and experienced a decrease in fapability as a result.

Uncle Fans – see Raincoat Market.

Underground Jelly Arena – housed in a top-secret location and often referred to in Kpopalypse fanfictions. The underground jelly arena is the preferred venue for jelly wrestling tournaments.

Victoria – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group f(x), Victoria is Chinese and therefore would know exactly what Cao Ni Ma means.

Virtue Signalling – making redundant statements that conform to extremely widely-held moral values for the sole purpose of signalling to others online that you are a “person of virtue”. The statements may be either true or false. Examples could include “racism is bad, I really don’t like racist people, gosh they are so terrible”, “all the people involved in the Sewol Ferry sinking should be locked up and the key thrown away” or “that Kpopalypse guy is a bit of a cunt really, he makes posts about girls and their boobs, how dare he, I don’t approve of this”.

Vocalfag – refers to someone who cares excessively about vocal technique to the point where the obsession with whether someone is “singing well” and ticking all the right vocal technique boxes actually takes precedence over whether they actually enjoy the music that the person is signing. Often this twisted obsession develops because for crazy k-pop fans with a thin grasp on rationality, legitimising their favourite artists as “talented” in the eyes of others is often more important to them than enjoying the music that they create. The term can also refer to the vocals themselves – someone who sings with the primary intention of showing off how well they can sing, at the expense of signing something that is actually the most effective and suitable for the song, could be said to be “vocalfagging”. It’s the vocal equivalent of a guitarist who plays 1000 notes per minute just to show off how good they are at playing with fluid technique at times when three or four notes would have been more effective and made a better musical statement.

Way – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group Crayon Pop, and completely harmless nice person who is in no way involved in any criminal activity of any sort.

Way’s Girls – is a Kpopalypse fanfiction which can be read here. Let me stress that this is a work of fiction and in no way relates to anything that Way or any other Crayon Pop members are doing or could be doing in real life. Way’s Girls, I hope these entries are good enough, can I please see my family members now thank you.

Witch-Hunt – vilification or trial-by-public-opinion of a subject which ignores proper evidence, lacks investigation into superficially fitting but incorrect claims or judges a victim based on no-win criteria. The term comes from witch trials in the Middle Ages which largely disregarded judicial process. Witch-hunting is an extremely popular netizen sport, victims include Tablo, T-ara, Lovelyz, and several others.

X – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group [Y]. Included because everybody loves a blind item post. Who is X? Guess this blind item correctly without using software or websites to help and win the satisfaction of being correct… or just click on her to see the answer if you’re lazy and curious.

Yoloswag – refers to a particular hybrid style of rap/R&B music that utilises trap beats. Sometimes the word “swag” is substituted for another word, usually negative in connotation, depending on the music being discussed.

Yoloswag420 – a recurring forum-trolling character in Kpopalypse’s fanfiction.

You’re The Best Ever Cum In My Life – iconic line sung by buttplug-friendly Seo Jisoo of Lovelyz in the classic New Order-esque k-pop song “Candy Jelly Love“.

Yura – pictured above. Member of k-pop girl group Girl’s Day. No other notable features, let’s just move on.

Zergling – alien creature from the Zerg race in the computer game Starcraft. Zerglings are tiny, fast-moving, hungry for human flesh, and do not think for themselves but are controlled by a hive-mind. These characteristics mean that they are often indistinguishable from netizens and fangirls/fanboys.

Zico – member of k-pop boy group Block B and faggot bitch, also a true hip-hop playa because instead of showering (which isn’t hip-hop) he bathes in dirty cookies in the music video for the song “Tough Cookie“.

Zinni – pictured above. Ex-member of girl group GLAM, who disbanded due to one of their other members being extortion-friendly and thus blowing the group’s squeaky-clean k-pop image right out of the water. In my eyes this makes them more interesting as a group, not less, but I don’t know what’s up with faggot bitch k-pop fans.

I hope you all enjoyed the Kpopalypse Lexicon! This post won’t feature on any other sites because it’s a dynamic post which will be added to over time, and it’s too much work to edit two copies of the same post continually. As new terms enter the Kpopalypse Lexicon they will also make their way into this post! Expect them fondly!

Hmm, is “x” Seunghee (formerly of F-be Dolls)? The girl in the picture looks like she has a petite body and a small face like her. Plus, she’s doing that head-cocked-slightly-to-the-side thing that Seughee likes to do in her pictures.

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About This Blog:

A blog created by me so I can write about k-pop related stuff. Some content is related to the k-pop radio show that I host, but most of it is just random shit that I felt like writing. All of it is primarily for my own personal amusement, although if you like it too, that’s fantastic and I love you. Warning: certain posts might occasionally be considered offensive, so if you are an easily offended fucking cunt maybe go read something else instead, thanks. – KPOPALYPSE