Elliptical madness and fart nuggets. I promise the latter is not mine.

I exercised last night and didn’t die! I started the day writing in my journal all about what goals I have for getting into shape. And on the first page (huge writing and highlighted) it says DO OR DO NOT, THERE IS NO TRY. Thanks Yoda! So I am working on my ‘do’ words instead of ‘should’. ‘Should’, I have learned, means ‘won’t.’ So I made sure to tell a friend, “I am going to work out tonight.” And when I was done, I told her I did so. I’m much better at health if I have to answer to someone.

I did the elliptical, because all three bikes were broken in our gym. Which is pretty impressive, landlord! I used to think the elliptical machine was from the third or fourth level of hell. Last time I tried it, I thought my legs were going to fall off.

You know that dream where something terrifying is chasing you, but when you try to run, you push and try so hard but you don’t go anywhere and you feel like your body’s trapped in some form of sludge? It’s my personal least favorite dream. Basically, that’s what an elliptical machine is. You think, “that’s not so bad, easy on the knees, like easy running.” But really, it’s like stairs that are stuck to your feet and you’re not allowed to ever stop running up the ‘gently sloping’ stairs.

About halfway through, my calves felt like they grew little baseballs in them, and I belatedly realized, “stretching would have been a good idea.” But after I paused and stretched, I was able to keep going and at the end I didn’t think I was dying! Progress! I’m not as much of a useless slump of flesh that I was the last time I tried working out!

I woke up easily and jauntily walked to start my commute this morning, all smiles. Then I got crop dusted twice walking between trains. As it turns out, a friendly gent was walking in front of me leaving fart nuggets for me to follow. Thanks, buddy, but you can keep what’s at the end of that rainbow.