I wonder sometimes about if I really feel emotions or if I just fake them…. How does one validate the authenticity of what one’s feeling? Or can one even validate emotions?

Does the breaking of your heart, the pain in your soul inform you about the emotional upheaval you are going through or does it just mislead you towards a man-made quagmire of lies, deceit, unruly thoughts, unfinished dreams, etc?

Maybe I’m not supposed to know… Maybe it’s my destiny to roam these vales without any answer to soothe my mind and heart and soul. I don’t know… Still.,.

Gearing up for second session with my doctor… She had given me a task to write all my thoughts, as in questions, that pop up in my brain down in a notebook. I have written three pages worthy questions and thoughts down. Dunno what she’s gonna do with them.

Am I gonna get some answers to the never ending questions I used to and still have? Will she give me a navigating device to travel through this maze called world a little easier? Will she provide certain solutions to my problems? I fervently hope so. Or will she make me walk the path and provide me enough hints and nudges to guide me along it? I certainly hope not as I am bound to get lost in the maze with or without the navigating device or even a guardian angel.

All these emotions bubbling inside me – I am still afloat though. Not yet drowning so that’s good.Fingers crossed and growing apprehensive by every moment…. Wonder what nugget of wisdom will tomorrow bring or will it even bring anything for me, to me?

Lost in a whirlpool am I, Sometimes I surface, As the white foam, Substanceless, faceless In the sunshine, I dry away. Rest I rest at the bottom, In form of the vortex, That lies underneath, Belying the truth, Trapping the unwary. Beware beware, Always everywhere, All that glitters is not gold, Calm on the surface, Hidden currents beneath. Once you are caught, Only death is your escape, While alive it is a herculean task. So what is it you are – A carcass of blood and bones Or a mighty warrior of past?