Philadelphia MFT

It’s that time of the year where people pull out their ugly Christmas sweaters and get into the holiday spirit. One of the best ways to achieve that at work is the annual holiday party. It’s a special time where you get to come together with your boss and coworkers and really let your hair down over Christmas carols and heavily frosted cookies. While that may sound amazing for some; others are less than enthused about awkwardly interacting with coworkers over punch that could use a little more “holiday cheer”. Regardless of where you fall on the scrooge meter, there are ways to survive your holiday work party.Be mindful about alcoholIt’s well known that alcohol is used as a social lubricant but too much of the spiked nog can have you or your coworkers behaving regrettably. Be mindful of how much you drink even if everyone around you is getting deep into the holiday spirit. It’s better to be safe than sorry especially if you don’t like your job or the people you work with; we also know that alcohol is a truth teller.

Avoid awkward situations with boundary crossing coworkersIf you have a coworker who tends to cross boundaries in a professional setting, you can be sure they’re going to cross those same boundaries and then some in a relaxed party setting. Do yourself a favor and avoid them if you can and if you can’t, be ready to excuse yourself and exit the interaction when necessary.Give your guest the heads upIf you’re bringing a guest to your work party, give them the heads up about some of the interactions and relationships you have with you coworkers. You don’t have to gossip but there is nothing wrong with letting them know who you like to interact with and who you tend to avoid like the plague. Doing so will give your guest an idea of what’s going on if something gets a little weird.Know when it's time to goThere is a moment in every party when you get the feeling that it’s time to leave because on some level you know it’s about to go down. You’re not exactly sure of what ‘it’ is or why you feel that way; but you know IT’S. ABOUT. TO. GO. DOWN. Know when you need to leave and let your guest (if you have one) in on the exit plan.

You've cheated on your partner and now the truth is out. Whether it was one wild night or an ongoing affair, the damage has been done. Now that your secret has been revealed, you may be feeling surges of regret, sadness, guilt, remorse, or in some cases relief. Your partner is likely devastated and cycling through his or her own set of emotions. This is a chaotic time. The foundation of your relationship has been shattered and it is now up to you and your mate to decide whether to rebuild or leave it in shambles. If you both decide to work it out, here are some tips to help you get through this juncture:

Cut all possible ties. You cannot reconcile your relationship if you are still interacting with the person you had the affair with. If you cannot cut out all ties due to professional reasons or children, then at least limit communication.

Listen to your partner. Be prepared to withstand the pain and venting that inevitably will come. Learn when to give space and learn when to lean in. Figure out what your partner needs from you. Know that those needs will likely change often. Be patient.

Be accountable and honest with yourself. What made you susceptible to infidelity? Look at what factors led you to that point and also what you need to do to avoid being tempted again. Avoid playing the blame game. Your partner’s attitude may have made your relationship difficult but it cannot be used as an excuse for the infidelity. Own up to your wrongdoing in order to make any sort of progress. Pointing the finger only does more damage.

Recognize things won’t ever be exactly the same. It is very common to want your relationship to go back to normal after an affair happens. The only problem is the normal that you used to know is gone. Things have changed but this is not necessarily a bad thing. You and your partner have the ability to create a stronger relationship. Take this time to discuss what you both need from each other moving forward. Also discuss the issues in your relationship that may have pushed you both apart.

Be realistic about your expectations. Accept the fact that healing may take longer than you anticipated. Healing after infidelity has been committed will not happen overnight. Do not rush the process. Progress will feel like a roller coaster ride with all the high and low points. You may think that things should be moving faster but you have no control over the timing it takes to forgive and truly move on.

Moving on after an affair is a difficult process that is best handled with the help of an objective third party. The therapists here at Philadelphia MFT are skilled in helping couples work through issues pertaining to infidelity. Please don’t hesitate to contact us.