Turkey Humor: The Pre-Booty Call Agreement

The following might be offensive to some, so to those I say: The subject matter is SEX; if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

I thought this was pretty clever when I spotted it on a friend’s blog. It is a blank agreement to be signed by a male sex partner who is about to enter into into a “booty call” relationship. It is reprinted with my friend’s permission.

Enjoy!

THE PRE-BOOTY CALL AGREEMENT

This pre-booty call agreement (hereinafter referred to as the “Agreement”) is entered into on the _____ day of __________, 2006, by _______________________, between ____________ and ______________.THIS AGREEMENT SHALL COVER THE FOLLOWING RULES AND PRINCIPLES:1. No sleeping over – unless it is very good and we need to repeat it in the morning.

2. No meeting in public except for dinner or drinks before the events of the evening.

3. No calls before 9 PM – we don’t have shit to talk about.

4. None of that “lovemaking” shit – only mind-blowing sex allowed.

5. No emotional discussions – Ex.: Where are we heading with this? Do you love me? The answer is no, so don’t ask.

6. No plans made in advance – that is why you are called the “backup,” unless you are from out-of-town, then it’s only a one-time advanced arrangement.

7. All gifts excepted – money is always good.

8. No baby talk – however, dirty talk is encouraged.

9. No asking for comparisons with former lovers – it’s really none of your damn business.

10. No calling each other “friends with privileges” – we are not friends, just sex buddies.

* EXTRA TIP FOR SUCCESSFUL BOOTY CALLS: The aforementioned rules may only be altered by the holder of the agreement. If the other party attempts to change or alter any terms of this Agreement, it will automatically become null and void and you will then be removed from the BOOTY CALL LIST and deleted from phone memory and email list. BLOCKED from all communications until your silly ass understand the rules.

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The Nittany Turkey is a retired techno-geek who thinks he knows something about Penn State football and everything else in the world. If there's a topic, we have an opinion on it, and you know what "they" say about opinions! Most of what is posted here involves a heavy dose of hip-shooting conjecture, but unlike some other blogs, we don't represent it as fact. Read More…