BriTunes 2

Sometimes there are some weeks of The Bachelor where the girls and Ben just don’t provide us with much. A skinny dip here, a catty comment there, blah blah blah. Some weeks we don’t even get a PENSIVE look! I mean, what?! I really miss the days of crazy ex-Bachelor contestants coming back and girls leaving because they ‘just don’t feel it.’ And back tattoos. I’ll always miss the back tattoos.

Luckily, for our sake, there will always be faces like this to entertain us.

And Chris Harrison will always be there for us to gawk at. Although…

WHAT is that ring on his index finger? Kinda gay Mr. Harrison…kiiiiiiinda gay.

This week we leave the boring confines of the US and travel to Pureeeeeeerto Rico! Thanks to the number of ladies, everyone gets a date. You get a date, you get a date, you get a date, etc. Some girls were happy about this, others, less so.

Honestly I don’t even know why half of these girls WANT to go on a date. If you get to stay home, you get to do this:

Infinitely more fun than conversation with Ben, if you ask me.

The Bachelor. Brought to you by:

Helicopters.

F’real. There are so many damn helicopters in this show they must have some sort of frequent passenger program or something.

This chick got the first one-on-one.

I don’t remember her name. All I know is that she needs a manicure.

HANDS.

Apparently it rains in P.R. so chick and Ben stood in a doorway and kissed in the rain (naturally)

And then decided to be like crazy tourists and buy some new ca-razy outfits.

No Ben.

You actually CAN’T pull that off, in case you were wondering.

What sounds like more fun when you’re on The Bachelor than sitting on a bench and watch a wedding? Was it just me or did homegirl take FOREVER to get into the church? I was like, damn girl – move it or lose it! Also?

Baby got back.

This episode was chock full of ridiculous shots.

I mean, why else do we watch this show if not for shots like these?

“Come girl, won’t you sit with me in this giant clam?”

I’m telling you, the tanning looked like more fun.

Next was the group date and here’s a fun fact: they have BASEBALL fields in Puerto Rico!

Who knew.

Chris Harrison showed up looking a little more ‘man booby’ than I’d like.

But he’s in a tight blue shirt so I’ll take it! Plus his hair was lookin goooooood.

Work it OUT Chris Harrison, work it out.

The girls had to compete against each other in a baseball game to win a SEPARATE, SMALLER group date. Seriously, this shit is complicated. Also complicated?

Honey, no.

There were lots of tragic moments during the baseball game but really this is the only one worth mentioning.

Oy.

Also, what is up with this look?

You played the game at NIGHT, sweetie. I don’t think the massive black stripes under your eyes are necessary. Damn fool.

Team red won the special mini-date and let me tell you – Team Blue were such gracious losers. Really took it in stride.

This chick got the next one-on-one and she was SUPER excited about it.

Thrilled, really. Judging by this chick’s lack of airtime, something tells me this date is going to be one giant boat crashing into an iceberg, if you know what I’m saying.

I just hope that her heart goes on.

So let’s see, they chatted a bit on the boat which led to awesome hair moments

and awesome facial tics.

For some reason they got SUUUUUPER dressed up for dinner…

even though they were the only two people on the island. I don’t get it, but Ben looked far too cute in his tux for me to complain.

It became clear quite fast that Ben was going to send this Snooki lookalike home but was it really necessary for him to pick UP the rose and practically dangle it in her face?

Poor thing, like us, saw it coming pretty fast.

And of course she took the dumping very well.

Aw, see ya, don’t wanna be ya! Love that instead of letting her go back on the yacht he sent her on that rickety old dinghy!

Yeah, so does your face.

As Ben walked back to his ‘mansion of the seas’ he had the rose in his hand.

As I watched it I said to myself ‘omg, he’s going to drop that in the ocean. They’re going to have a shot of the rose in the ocean. Omg. No they aren’t. No they aren’t.’

Oh.

YES THEY ARE. Honestly this show is Pre-Dict-a-ble.

The girls (unlike the audience) were all SUPER shocked that whatsherface didn’t come back.

Courtney viewed this as an opportunity to vie for the crazy stalker of the year award.

Showed up at Ben’s door, talked all kinds of crazy baby talk, offered him a massage using the free lotion they give you at hotels, and then suggested they grab their wine and go walk down by the beach.

Being the classy ho that she is, we can all guess what happened next.

No. She. Didn’t!

And Ben went along with it!!! Something tells me he’s gonna have a LOT of splainin’ to do when this season is over!

I mean, number one explain to me this:

Blech.

I actually had a lot of sympathy for Horseley this episode. She seemed more genuine, and just misunderstood in life. When she lost the baseball game she was totally devastated and I felt for her. But then she goes and wears an outfit like this

and grabs at Ben’s face when kissing him

And my hands are tied.

Courtney was up to her old kind and sweet ways

and blondie thought it would be a good idea to AGAIN bring up to Ben how much the girls don’t like Courtney and how she’s different around him than them.

Honey, did you learn NOTHING from your mistake last week!?!?! Ben doesn’t want to hear about that!! What is wrong with you?!

Besides everything.

Time for the roses!!!

Who is this?

No, seriously, who is THIS?!

I know who this is though.

One sad, sad girl. Ayup, ‘You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Redhead’ didn’t get the rose and I was kinda glad. She was too much too soon for me. She gave us an awesome exit breakdown, though.

Yes, CLUTCH THOSE PEARLS GIRL!!

There was all kinds of goodness in the preview for the second half of the season but I can boil it down to three things:

Just when you think you’re watching one of the most boring Bachelor episodes of all time (slash most boring Bachelor season of all time) these girls really pull it out of left field and bring it on home for you to make your time worthwhile. Let’s discuss.

Ben couldn’t even eke out a proper pensive shot in the first few minutes of the show.

Seriously, I was starting to get concerned. I don’t know that I’ve ever seen an episode where we haven’t had at least SOME kind of pensive shot. Then, at the last minute, he hooked us up.

It’s not the greatest one we’ve ever seen (there’s no back tattoo involved, hello) but there’s a horse involved and that ups the ‘ridiculous factor’ tenfold.

Chris Harrison was lookin goooooood, ya’ll!!!

Coiffed to perfection, rocking that blue sweater, GET IT boyee!

I failed to mention that this week we were in Park City, Utah. A place I have visited MANY times, but never have I seen it look as gorgeous as they did on the show. Next time I go I demand to be taken around by helicopter.

Okay back to Harrison. My favorite was when he said to the girls “make sure that, whenever you have time with Ben, you make the most of it. Don’t just sti there and talk about the weather.”

Uh Oh, guilty consciences’ ladies?!

Courtney B really put me through it.

She was one insecure statement after the next on this damn epsiode. GET A GRIP!

This girl got the first one-on-one. I don’t know her name, let’s call her ‘bangs.’

Yes, well, most of America hates you now too because you’re awful. Moving on.

GORGEOUS!

So jealous.

I’m less jealous, however of the canoe excursion.

Not only was the conversation awkward as hell, look at those BUGS!! No thank you.

This next picture…I can’t.

Bangs was so awkward this entire date, it was PAINFUL.

In every interview behind the scenes she’d yip and yap about her ‘communication issues’ when she should have been saying all of this to BENJAMIN!

And stop making that lip face, dammit!

Is anyone else confused why they never eat the food on this show?

It all looks very good. If I was the producers’ I’d be all ‘no fantasy suite for you until you finish your meal!’ It’s just confounding. Makes me go

I can’t.

Bangs got the rose, so she’s sticking around. Oh goody.

GROUP DATE! And we’re gonna ride some horseys!!

No, not BLAKLEY’S, I said ‘horseys.’

That’s better.

Courtney B was being put through it that all these other bitches were on her GROUP DATE.

Head Bitch In Charge Courtney was fine with it and she fly fished (I can’t) patiently, knowing that Ben would come to her.

Honestly, teaching a girl how to fly fish is the oldest trick in the book.

I ALWAYS go fly fishing on dates. It’s just like ‘teaching someone how to golf’ or ‘teaching someone how to play tennis.’ Get some new moves Benjamin.

Lindzeee made this face

and we moved on.

Looks like Courtney’s plan worked

But…um…don’t you want him to be kissing you and not the fish?

This girl knows how to play the game.

She was all ‘I just wanted you to know I’m thinking about you and I’m happy to talk to you on a group date or a one-on-one’ which is exactly what Ben wanted to hear so he ate her face.

THIS chickadee, however…

Did exactly the opposite and played the needy girl and Ben was like ‘well if you can’t handle the heat, maybe you should get out of the kitchen.” Please to witness the evolution of her breakdown.

ADIOS, BLONDIE!

HBIC was so sweet and handled her embarrassing exit with grace and kindness.

Or not.

Who is this girl?

Yeah, we feel the same about you, rando.

Courtney B and Ben actually did have a *very* cute moment during the group date. He pulled her upstairs and let her know he’d been thinking about her and then he ate her face.

If she doesn’t win, let’s just say I’ll be very surprised.

Ben looked awesome during his conversation with HBIC.

She employed the same strategy that blondie who went home did and she was all “oh, I don’t know if I can handle the attention you give all the other girls”

And instead of sending her home, he gave her the rose. Because that makes sense. It makes about as much sense as Courtney B‘s hair.

Girl, get your act together! There is some stiff competition here (no there isn’t).

Stiff, Stiff competition. Like roots McGee over here.

Looks like SOMEONE isn’t a natural redhead.

I don’t know what it is with Ben and these death defying dates. Repelling down into a carter?! No thanks. And doing it in a bikini?!

Even more ‘no thanks.’

No.

Okay, maybe. All together now: “EAT!! HER! FAAAAAACE!”

Back at camp, Emily was making good use of her time.

Highlights, drinking, and talking shit behind another girl’s back. What more does one need?!

Exactly.

Who is this.

Why are all these people staring at them while they make out?

No, seriously, WHO IS THIS?

And more importantly, WHO IS THIS?!

*sigh* I need to pay more attention.

I loved this next sequence of events. Emily was feeling insecure about the attention that Courtney (HBIC) was getting and so she went and tattled to Ben about how evil she is.

GIRLS!! If there is ONE thing we’ve learned over the course of 93 seasons, it’s that NO Bachelor likes a tattle tale! They don’t care about who doesn’t like who and who is fighting with who! All they care about is who is going to sleep with them when they get into the fantasty suite!

I bet this girl would.

WHAT is that dress.

If there’s one thing HBIC does not tolerate, it’s someone talking crap about her to her man!

Courtney: You know what you did!
Emily: I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Am I the only one that misses a little bit of them staying at the house? I mean, Sonoma, San Fran, Park City, I’m sure these are all great places but what happened to old school Bachelor when they would go to the fancy places at the END?! Whatever. I care but I don’t care.

Is this chick a Hooters girl? What is this outfit?

If I was the Bachelor (which I’m not, trust) there is no way in HELL you would get me to walk up this kind of a hill just for a pensive shot.

We get it – San Fran has hills. Duh.

I kinda thought his sister was pretty.

If it wasn’t gross and wrong, I would say the two of THEM should date. But it is sick and wrong so whatever, moving on.

I think it’s time for a….PRETTY PARTY!!!

This concludes the latest version of PRETTY PARTY!

Some chick named Emily got the first one-on-one.

Yeah, I don’t know either.

Their first date wasn’t a cute air balloon ride, or a picnic by a waterfall. Oh no. Their first date was to WALK UP THE GOLDEN GATE BRIDGE!!!

No. Hell no. Let me tell you what I think about this date.

No. Hell no. HELLLLLLLLL NO!! Are you outcho’ DAMN MIND?!?!

HELLLLL NO!

BITCH YOU CRAZY!

AHHHHHHHHHH!

No way in a million years. The end.

The girls…somehow…were able to spy on them like pirates.

Is that a hickey on her neck?

While I’ve never been there, San Francisco looks super pretty.

Basically the opposite of this:

Yeesh.

Ben and what’shername’s date went so well they decided to eat each others’ face at dinner.

And then this happened.

Blech.

During my viewing of this, a Hulu ad played. Only I didn’t know it was a Hulu ad at first and I thought “when did that girl come on The Bachlor?”

Can you blame me? Btw, I don’t believe this is the first time I’ve made fun of this girl. I am an awful human being.

I have to admit, I think this group date is kind of awesome.

Skiing down a big San Fran street? Hell yes! Speaking of ‘hell yes…’

Hell yes Ben, hell yes. This on the other hand….

Oh girls. Hell no.

For the final one-on-one date, the girl who brought her Grandma was given the KEY TO THE CITY!

Eye roll.

This proposed first date was apparently too much for her to handle and she went into an emotional tailspin.

Ultimately deciding to leave.

Truly, truly, Ben couldn’t throw her into that cab fast enough.

“Say hi to your Grandma for me!”

Oh Ben. Something tells me he doesn’t deal well with rejection.

So with Grandma girl gone, clearly there was a spot open for another one-on-one and who gets the sloppy seconds?

Lindzzzzzzzzzi!!!

And let me tell you…homegirl was RIL excited about it.

The trolley car, the ice cream, the Chinatown everything was just…gag.

I loved how when they went to City Hall they needed a ‘key’ to get in. You KNOW that key necklace was supposed to be what they were going to use but then Grandma Girl already had it and you can’t give TWO keys to the city out! Duh.

Ladies and gentleman…

THIS GUY!

As it turns out, this is Matt Nathanson and I actually have loved his music for years…I wouldn’t feel right about making fun of him. It just wouldn’t be right. Now back to making fun of this chick.

Ugh. Get a room already.

And fix your hair girl, you look a damn mess.

AGAIN with this damn piano?!?!

SERIOUSLY! Is that the ONLY seduction move he has?! I think this is the third girl he’s “TAUGHT” piano. If I was them I would be insulted. “Ben let me tickle his keys.” “He did? Me too!” “Bitch!”

I want this tie.

That’s all.

This chick is WAY too into Ben already.

She couldn’t stop gushing, throwing around the “L” word. Calm down chickadee. Its been three weeks. Dial back the crazy (advice for us all, really).

All episode long they had been teasing the return of one of Ben’s ex-girlfriends, perhaps? A friend? Who knows! My mother spoiled it for me and told me that Chantal was coming back but when they showed her boobs I was like “those boobs aren’t big enough for Chanterellemushroom.” But wait! It wasn’t THAT Chantal, it was……

THIS ONE!!

PRETTY PARTY!!!!!!!

Is it just me or does Chantal and the crazy eyebrow look a little alike?

Slash a lot alike.

My FAVORITE thing this entire episode was when Chantal did an ENTIRE walk across the room and all of the girls were so engrossed in their conversation that none of them looked up. None. Not until the end when, you guessed it…

Eyebrow’s McGee noticed her.

After Chris Harrison (whose outfits have been so boring they’re not even worth mentioning) introduced Chantal to the girls, it was very clear they were going to take it well.

It was also clear that Ben was THRILLED to see her.

Honestly, he could barely contain his excitement.

The girls understood this was a bit of a sensitive situation so they made sure to give them plenty of privacy and space.

They were so sweet, masking whatever uncomfortable feelings they may be feeling…

…and not saying a thing against Chantal, giving her the utmost respect.

I think they really understood that, while a bold move, Chantal was putting her heart on the line and they appreciated that.

At the rose ceremony, eyebrows wasn’t sure if she was going to stay due to Chantal’s presence but I’ll be damned if she didn’t snatch up that rose and start doing weird things with it.

This chick was having a tough moment.

Just….overall. I mean, the rose ceremony was putting her THROUGH IT.

Speaking of being put through it…

Lawd, this chick. Did she drink too much? Did she not drink enough? We’ll never know. God Bless Ben and his quick reaction, though.

Fool stood in place the entire time. GO CHECK ON HER, ASS HAT!!

Annnnd…..

She’s okay!!! Phew. I was so worried for those 2.5 seconds.

Ugh.

Chantal could sense the rejection and she was not pissed about it AT ALL.

“A tank of gas and a new dress for THIS?!”

After Ben gave her the heave-ho, he had one of, I’d say, the more uncomfortable goodbyes I’ve seen on this show.

Well, that is until he left the passing out girl alone on the chair in the dark.

Good ol’ Ben, always gotta out-do himself!!!

Next week….

UTAH!!!!

Oh, and a fight between eyebrows McGee and that blonde chick that walked up the bridge but we don’t really care about that, do we? Utah!

I try to not blog about it, really I do. I am a busy, very important person. Hello. So I think “oh, I can just WATCH The Bachelor, no problem!” But then the girls go and do things that just….I can’t NOT comment on it! Like when Kacie B. did the damn heart thing last week

There is literally something inside of me that says ‘I cannot let this girl get away with this without making fun of her.’ Whatever. It’s who I am people, I was born this way.

Week number two and already we’re in Ben’s hometown. This guy moves fast. We were introduced to someone we heard a lot about on Smashley’s season of The Bachelorette…

…Scotch the dog. Remember this face, people. You won’t soon forget it by the end of this post.

Unfortunately, the girls were also in Sonoma, drinking and driving.

This breaks like, 100 different rules.

Also breaking rules, are Ben’s shoes.

That outfit (like many things on this show) just does not make sense.

What does make PERFECT sense, however, is this adorable picture of Ben from yesteryear:

I mean, how cute is he? And that BOW TIE!!

The majority of the girls this season (and every season, really) make me go

That being said, I do feel like Groban made a pretty good choice in picking “Kacie B.” for his first one-on-one. I put quotations around ‘Kacie B.’ because he could never just say ‘Kacie.’ Always had to add that damn ‘B.’ We know who you’re talking about! No need to add the damn B!!

The BOOTS! The boots WITH the bootie shorts!! The boots with the bootie shorts with the striped shirt I just…yeesh!

By the way, how awkward was it meeting his two ‘hometown’ friends who just happened to be strolling through town when there wasn’t ANYone else in the entire city?

“Hi, I’m Renee.”
“Hi, I’m Kacie B. I’m one of twenty-five…excuse me…TWENTY girls vying for Ben’s attention and love! It’s nice to meet you! I like stripes and booties shorts and making hearts with my hand. Now step aside bitch, Ben is mine.”

Yeah. It was awkward. Not as awkward, however, as when Kacie B. asked Ben how many ‘licks’ it took to get to the ‘center.’

Take your sex games elsewhere, people. This is a family show.

What one item could improve Kacie B’s outfit? You guessed it.

A baton.

That girl was DAMN smart to show him her baton skills though because she was pretty good at is and now he’ll remember her!

Seriously though, WHERE IS EVERYONE?

Back at the house, the group date was announced and this face was made.

Back on the one-on-one, pleasentries were out of the way and it was time to get down to the REALLY important stuff –

EATNG FACE!! WAHOO!!

I’m all about ‘special moments’ on dates, but this special moment was a bit TOO special. I mean…showing home videos of Kacie B and Ben when they were kids?

That can get a little heavy. Especially when they play that sad, sappy music in the background of it. You guys know Ben’s dad died like, six years ago, right?

Oh you DO and that’s why you played the home video? You are SMART, Bachelor producers!

So the date ends, it was the greatest date either one of them have had, blah blah blah, and then we’re on to the group date. Also known as:

BLAKLEY. I can’t with that name, by the way. Blakley (hereby now known as ‘horseley’) ran that shit so hard, she was practically Beyonce.

The girls had to put on a play written by children. Basically everyone’s perfect first date. Only it wasn’t written by children it was written by…….MADY GOSSELIN.

Seriously!! It’s Mady FRIGGIN Gosselin! The pits! She pretended like it was her show to run and heaven forbid anyone else get in her way. She was so commanding, they are thinking about making her the next Bachelorette. Tune in this fall, only on ABC. As expected, the girls ‘auditions’ were awful, but luckily Horseley brought her A Game.

Or rather, her DD game. Mady Gosselin was NOT having it.

After the play was ‘cast’ hilarious hijinks ensued.

Dumble-whore.

Dolly Farton.

No.

So where is the show going? Broadway? Off-Off Broadway?

Yeah, no shit.

Overall, the play deserved one big thumbs down.

There we go.

I have to say, I’m trying reeeeally hard to not like Ben. I mean, it’s Ben. Groban. The guy couldn’t even bag Smashley. He’s not the prettiest in the bunch, he’s kinda dull, he talkes too much about wine…well actually one cannot talk enough about wine but that’s beside the point. Anyway, I’m trying hard to not like him but after this…

And then this…

And this…

Frankly, I’m torn. It’s the same with writing about this show. Part of me is like

but then the other part of me is like

So it’s a catch-22.

The pool party after the Tony winning performance of “The Prince from Pinot” (or whatever the hell the play was called) was a success. And by ‘success’ I mean we had outfits like this:

Something that, in my mind as least, fills a void we haven’t seen since Brad’s season

(BACK TATTOOS!!)

And lots and lots of eating face in water.

Face.

Horseley Face.

And we all know what happens at the end of these “makeout soup” sessions.

Oy.

So the second one-on-one was with eyebrows. And yeah right if I remember her name. This chick:

Also along for the ride?

SCOTCH!!!!!

Ben’s plan for this date was to grab Scotch, grab the girl, take her to the woods…

And…I mean, what? Kill her? What kind of date is this!? TV Cameras or no if a guy took me out to the woods where NO ONE was around in the middle of friggin NOWHERE….let’s just say I would look as terrified as Scotch does.

And what is this pose, Benjamin?

Yeah Scotch, I feel like howling for help too.

This whole date, honestly, the whole thing, was just one massive helping of ‘I CAN’T,’ cumulating in this:

And then we’re driving a trator..

And then we’re walking down a vineyard bordered by candles…

Don’t forget this is TOTALLY NORMAL for a first date, people. Remember that on your next first date and demand nothing less than Bachelor-level perfection.

While I think she (yes ‘she’ because I can’t remember her name and I’m too lazy to look it up) was actually quite natural with Ben and they had good conversation together, I just couldn’t get past those damn eyebrows.

‘Model,’ my ass.

Then after Ben gave her the rose she went all creep-o on us and like, rubbed it all over her body.

Honestly I need a camera on me while I watch this show because the faces I make would kill you. They can best be summed up, however, like this face montage:

Thanks for the help, ladies!!

Allright, let’s sum the rest of this epsiode up because I’m tired and these women put me through it. Basically my favorite person ever Jenna got HELLA drunk and that was the moment Ben took the opportunity to talk to her, resulting in her putting a blanket on a candle

and repeatedly telling Ben that she was ‘like a guy.’

She’s my favorite pretty princess ever.

I can’t wait to read her blog!

The girl from Wicked was mean to Horseley

so Horseley went and cried by some luggage.

Jenna passed out before the rose ceremony but she made it there just in time and brought her friend ‘Chicken cutlet’ along for the festivities.

Ben gave roses to everyone except for that one really tragic girl who had the black roots under her bleached blonde hair and…yup, you guessed it…..(all together now)

JENNA!!!!!!

As she has with everything else this entire season, she took it very well.

And that was all she wrote!! Literally! Get it? Because she’s a blogger? And she went home? So ‘that’s all she wrote?’ Ugh. Forget it. See you next week.

So…I really don’t think I’m going to recap The Bachelor this season. Frankly I don’t have the time for it and by the time I’m home on Tuesday I’m exhausted and don’t have the energy. By the time I get to capping it and blogging about it, you all have already read all about the episode and will have lost interest. That being said…

I blogged the first episode of The Bachelor. Don’t get your hopes up by thinking I’ll do it again (although I probably will).

I still hate the fact that J. Groban is The Bachelor. I mean Brad may have been ridiculously retarded but at least he was hot. At least he had that cross tattoo. I’m not really sure what Ben brings to the table. Here is what we did learn about him in this first episode though:

1. He can carry wood.

2. He can play the piano.

3. He can rock a pensive look like nobody’s business.

Check, check, and check. Okay fine. I guess he is perfectly qualified to be The Bachelor. Whatevs.

The girls this season put me through it already. I guess when Ben is your Bachelor you’re scraping the bottom of the barrel and that’s pretty true for the girls too.

Class acts all the way. No wonder someone texted her this:

What is refreshing to know though, is that 24 girls are going to get this text message this season and I’m willing to guess that the winner will end up receiving this text message at some point too.

We all know how I feel about people that do this:

Really? Not only is she doing the ‘hand heart,’ she’s doing it on a bridge and from a distance. No. No. Just…no.

Speaking of things ‘I can’t’ with…

That’s all.

The blogger chick was one of my favorites. And by ‘favorites’ I mean ‘get her off of my screen as soon as possible.’ This next picture, by the way, is tragic foreshadowing:

She’s a reeeeeeeally good blogger, btw. Totally a Carrie Bradshaw.

Then this outfit happened.

Let me just say….

The arrival of the girls was extra special this time around. This dress happened…

Jillian the previous Bachelorette is back and apparently her hands smell like bacon…

I can’t with this whole situation…

GILF.

This chick really is tv gold.

I mean, between the nose, the chin, the accent, the poem, and the constant reference to her being a ‘dork,’….well I think we all know where she’s going at the end of this episode.

And then we had this.

Ugh. Do you people not just cringe the entire time you watch this show or is that just me?

Drink up girls!

That will surely help things later on in the evening.

Ben really is just the prettiest Bachelor we’ve ever had, don’t you think?

I want to braid his hair.

The spelling of this girls’ name:

No.

Grandma still being on my screen:

No.

This:

No.

A girl rapping about diseases:

No.

With multiple drinks and a girl who’s not really into Ben comes…

Llllllllllllllllesbians!!!

I didn’t really get this whole situation. Blogger was mad at blondie for….something….

And Blondie…was like…mean to her…or something…

And then the blogger cried….or..whatever that face is…

And then Josh Groban came…

…and everything was fine.

I don’t understand women.

I also don’t understand at what point this show turned into the Bad Girls Club.

WHAT are these outfits??!!!!

Ugh, the rose ceremony.

You don’t need to know anything about this except for the fact that this homegirl got a rose.

And then hell froze over.

As far as the girls that went home? Well say goodbye to Canadian Bacon

Say goodbye to my favorite pretty princess in the whole wide world

And say goodbye to this chick, who took being broken up with by a guy she knew twenty minutes very well.

Oy. It’s gonna be a season, isn’t it? Cheers to that!

Lots of fun stuff happened in the previews including tears, nudity and apparently what looks like Ben getting broken up with on a mountain.