Thursday, July 09, 2009

A few weeks back, Vicki wrote a terrific blog that still has me thinking titled “Stop That! She Said Angrily.” In this column, she pointed out some pitfalls of dialogue. I’d like to revisit the topic and to begin with a disclaimer of sorts: You may think you are the only one writing your books, but here I will argue that your readers write your stories along with you—and that you need to consider that when scripting dialogue.

First, let’s define dialogue in a way that helps fiction writers: It’s the verbal and non-verbal language used by the author to convey a scene in which a conversation takes place. A line in Hemingway’s “Hills Like White Elephants” speaks to this. You all know the story. A man and women are discussing abortion. The dialogue establishes the story’s tension and continuously amps it up:

“It's really an awfully simple operation, Jig,” the man said. “It's not really an operation at all.” The girl looked at the ground the table legs rested on. “I know you wouldn't mind it, Jig. It's really not anything. It's just to let the air in.”

The non-verbal line is very simple: The girl looked at the ground the table legs rested on. That’s it, but the sentence conveys a great deal of information. Of course, we know what she is doing physically. But we also know what she is like. She is in deep contemplation here, considering her plight, their future, and possibly even feeling guilty, which would open up all kinds of characterization possibilities (does she hold religious belief? etc). And we know what the man is doing—based on Jig’s non-verbal communication, on her reaction to his statement. The man has to be staring straight at her, waiting intently for her answer, which comes much later in the text. Thus, Jig’s physical action becomes non-verbal dialogue here. It is non-spoken communication that actually propels the scene forward.

Surely there is no need for the dreaded ly adverb here. Imagine how the scene would read if Hemingway had written:“It's really an awfully simple operation, Jig,” the man said urgently. “It's not really an operation at all.” The girl looked down. “I know you wouldn't mind it, Jig. It's really not anything. It's just to let the air in.”

Only two changes, but the scene is very different, not nearly as unique. It is also not nearly as effective for one simple reason: The author doesn’t allow the reader to play an active role in the scene. Every reader wants to get lost in the scene. Stephen King calls this “the magic” of fiction, that space between the first page of a book and the last when a reader is so lost in the story that the work is not fiction, it is not text on a page, it is simply a place in the reader’s imagination where she has gone unaware that a book is in her hands, that an author has taken her there.

In my Hemingway revision (imagine being able to say that!) the reader has lost that. The writer is now telling the reader what to think. With “urgently,” I might as well have written THIS IS YOUR AUTHOR SPEAKING FROM THE FLIGHT DECK. THIS LINE IS OF GREAT IMPORTANCE! No way anyone is missing the author here. And anyone who was lost in my story has been awoken from their enjoyable trance with the subtlety of a tree crashing through their bedroom window. To continue, my insertion of “The girl looked down” drains the characterization from the scene. Readers learn nothing of Jig. Now her actions are not unique. They are entirely expected. In short, readers are given no hint that will lead them to a realization about Jig. She is just looking down. Is she thoughtful? I don’t know. Maybe there’s an ant on the floor. The bottom line is that “the magic” is gone. No one is lost in my story.

Vicki put this best when she wrote, “If you can’t tell by the dialogue that the speaker is angry or cross or suspicious or cool, or in a hurry, then there is something wrong with the dialogue.” I would add only that you also use the surrounding actions—the non-verbal dialogue, if you will—to let your readers develop your characters and to allow them to play an active role in the scene.

Rick Blechta writes on Tuesdays

Barbara Fradkin writes on alternate Wednesdays

Sybil Johnson writes on Alternate Wednesdays

John Corrigan writes on alternate Thursdays

Donis Casey writes on alternate Thursdays

Charlotte Hinger writes on alternate Fridays

Frankie Bailey writes on Alternate Fridays

Vicki Delany writes on the second weekend of every month

Mario Acevedo writes on the 4th Saturday of each month

Aline Templeton

Aline Templeton lives in Edinburgh in a house with a balcony overlooking the beautiful city skyline. Her series featuring DI Marjory Fleming is set in beautiful Galloway, in South-west Scotland. alinetempleton.co.uk

Marianne Wheelaghan

Marianne is from Edinburgh. She left home at seventeen. After a heap of travelling, which included living in Kiribati, the third most remote country in the world, she ended back in Edinburgh where she still lives very happily. Her crime mysteries feature DS Louisa Townsend, The Scottish Lady Detective, and are mostly set in the Pacific. Read more about Marianne and her books on her blog: www.mariannewheelaghan.co.uk and at @MWheelaghan

Rick Blechta

Rick has two passions in life, mysteries and music, and his thrillers contain liberal doses of both. He has two upcoming releases, Roses for a Diva, his sequel to The Fallen One, for Dundurn Press, and for Orca’s Rapid Reads series, The Boom Room, a second book featuring detectives Pratt & Ellis. You can learn more about what he’s up to at www.rickblechta.com. From the musical side, Rick leads a classic soul band in Toronto. Check out SOULidifiedband.com. And lastly, being a former line cook with an interest in all things culinary, he has a blog dedicated to food: A Man for All Seasonings.

Barbara Fradkin

Barbara Fradkin is a retired psychologist with a fascination for how we turn bad. Her dark short stories haunt the Ladies Killing Circle anthologies, but she is best known for her award-winning series featuring the quixotic, exasperating Ottawa Police Inspector Michael Green, published by Dundurn Press. The ninth book, The Whisper of Legends, was published in April 2013. Visit Barbara at barbarafradkin.com.

Sybil Johnson

Sybil Johnson’s love affair with reading began in kindergarten with “The Three Little Pigs.” Visits to the library introduced her to Encyclopedia Brown, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle and a host of other characters. Fast forward to college where she continued reading while studying Computer Science. After a rewarding career in the computer industry, Sybil decided to try her hand at writing mysteries. Her short fiction has appeared in Mysterical-E and Spinetingler Magazine, among others. Originally from the Pacific Northwest, she now lives in Southern California where she enjoys tole painting, studying ancient languages and spending time with friends and family. Find her at www.authorsybiljohnson.com.

John R Corrigan

John R. Corrigan is D.A. Keeley, author of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection Agent Peyton Cote series, which is set along the Maine-Canada border. Bitter Crossing (summer 2014) will be the first of at least three novels in the series. Born in Augusta, Maine, he lives with his wife and three daughters at Northfield Mount Hermon School in western Massachusetts, where he is English department chair, a teacher, a hockey coach, and may very well be the only mystery writer in North America who also serves as a dorm parent to 50 teenage girls. A Mainer through and through, he tries to get to Old Orchard Beach, Maine, as often as possible. You can see what he's up to by visiting www.amazon.com/author/DAKeeley or dakeeleyauthor.blogspot.com or on Twitter (@DAKeeleyAuthor).

Donis Casey

Donis is the author of six Alafair Tucker Mysteries. Her award-winning series, featuring the sleuthing mother of ten children, is set in Oklahoma during the booming 1910s. Donis is a former teacher, academic librarian, and entrepreneur. She lives in Tempe, AZ, with her husband, poet Donald Koozer. The latest Alafair Tucker novel, The Wrong Hill to Die On (Poisoned Pen Press, 2012), is available in paper or electronic format wherever books are sold. Readers can enjoy the first chapter of each book on her web site at www.doniscasey.com.

Frankie Bailey

Frankie Y. Bailey is a criminal justice professor who focuses on crime, history, and American culture. Her current project is a book about dress, appearance, and criminal justice. Her mystery series featuring crime historian Lizzie Stuart is set mainly in the South. Her near-future police procedural series featuring Detective Hannah McCabe is set in Albany, New York. Visit Frankie at frankieybailey.com.

Charlotte Hinger

Charlotte Hinger is a novelist and Western Kansas historian. Convinced that mystery writing and historical investigation go hand in hand, she now applies her MA in history to academic articles and her depraved imagination to the Lottie Albright series for Poisoned Pen Press. charlottehinger.com

Vicki Delany/Eva Gates

Vicki Delany is one of Canada’s most prolific and varied crime writers. She is the author of more than 25 books, including the Sherlock Holmes Bookshop series, the Year Round Christmas cozy series, the Constable Molly Smith books, standalone novels of suspense, the Klondike Gold Rush series, and novellas for adult literacy. As Eva Gates, she is the author of the national bestselling Lighthouse Library cozy series from Penguin. Find Vicki at www.vickidelany.com and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/evagatesauthor/

Mario Acevedo

Mario Acevedo is the author of the Felix Gomez detective-vampire series. His short fiction is included in the anthologies, You Don’t Have A Clue: Latino Mystery Stories for Teens and Hit List: The Best of Latino Mystery, and in Modern Drunkard Magazine. Mario lives with a dog in Denver, CO. His website is marioacevedo.com.