The Thaw Before The Spring

From January to September, the light lasts a little longer each day.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Former Lives and Dreamscape Designs

I think I knew John Lennon at one point in my multi-adventured life. There is something about his songs and his musings that I connect to, and how even in a love relationship, he was a man unto himself. A man who walked alone. Sometimes, I like to believe that we shared a warm ale in 1974 at a dark, dank pub in Dublin. The pub was called the Mossy Log and John was just getting ready to make a new album with Yoko. He was out for a walk and I just happened to be sitting in there, reading over a profile article of a local 19-year-old cricket player prodigy I had written about in the Free Press. The pub only had three people in it, and 2 of them were 70+ men who were sauced and sleepy beyond any sort of conscious state.

As he walked in, with flecks of rain on his glasses and beard, he nodded at me, seeing that I'd recognized him, and I nodded back calmly. He ordered a jug of the house ale and brought another glass to my table. I wanted to ask him a billion questions about the Beatles and his inspirational musings and life philosophies - but I resisted. I continued reading, while glancing over his way a few times. He looked tired and sat across from me like a stranger at a train station. He was deep in thought. He downed the pint quickly, and then motioned for me to finish the rest of the jug, and walked out while fastening his coat.

I've been going through a heck of a time in my mind, lately. I've been hiding - hibernating. Succumbing to comfort. Keeping issues buried. Burning. Waking up with heavy breath and a heavier heart.

I had such a ride of momentum after and during school; new friends, a renewed vision, a starry internship, a job, and eons more.

Now, I am a jobless man in my mid-30's and I feel like I'm stuck between two different worlds.

I need meditation. I need peace.

I need direction.

Sometimes, the trials we must endure are unique to us, but that can be an excuse to stay buried longer than you need to because 'no one understands'.