>> Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Home from work, (still frozen 'cause the bus was late), oven heating up what will soon by my dinner, and my "after-school" clothes are calling from the closet. Ahhh, time to put my feet up . . .

Today was a loooong day. Not made any better by the fact that I've had insomnia for the past two nights and haven't slept. On the bright side, I just know (please God) that I'll sleep like a wee babe tonight. I've marked my bedtime for 8pm, and I'm not ashamed to admit it!

Anyway - I had a weird moment today at work that I was thinking about on the bus, and that I figure warrants discussion on this 'ole blog of mine. It's about a subject I haven't really thought of or focused on a lot recently in my life, but kind of reared it's ugly head today . . . Vanity.

So as mentioned, I haven't been sleeping for the past two days. That coupled with the "still-crazy but not too crazy" ness of work and the early shifts have left me looking a little ragged. Now normally I don't really care too much about how I look - I'll put on make-up if I have time and try and make my hair decent, but on mornings like this one - well let's just say it didn't take me too long to decide that I didn't want to put in the effort to put any make-up on at all, and simply pulled my hair back in a bun and put on work clothes that were clean - not too bad right? Well - now add in the fact that my skin tends to go a lovely shade of greenish-yellow when I'm really tired and I have blueish bags the size of cow udders under both eyes, and you start to get the picture of what I looked like to the outside world.

Still though - I didn't really care - I go to work to work and not be a fashion model, so no big deal right? Well of course, right near the end of my shift I'm on the sales floor doing my thing, when I happen to bump into some of the youth from church. I stop and chat for a minute, and it's after about a minute or two that I suddenly start to become super-conscious of how tired and worn-out and well . . . bad I must look. It was actually kind of weird, and after they left I kept thinking that I should of taken the time to put some make-up on this morning and done something nice with my hair so I at least looked like a respectable adult. The more I thought about it, the more vain I kept feeling, and then that started making me feel guilty, and it was just this awful circle of thought that kept bouncing around in my head.

So here I sit, wondering about the role vanity plays in our lives, and about what level of vanity is accepted or even needed in an individual before it becomes something other than taking pride in how you look. Maybe I should be taking the time to "do myself up" more, and more often. Maybe I should start paying more attention to the clothes I wear, and not just out but at home around my husband. I'm sure I'm not the only woman whose gotten married and has stopped trying to impress her husband with her looks because, well we're married and I know he loves me regardless of what I look like! There are times when I look at pictures of myself from only a few years ago and I think "man, I looked good - why didn't I realize it at the time?" I always used to put quite a bit of effort into my physical appearance. Straighening the hair, putting on the make-up, picking out cute outfits, and working out. Now I have a wonderful husband who thinks I look better without make-up and could care less whether I'm in sweats or in a ballgown. Whether I'm slim or carrying an extra 20 pounds, he really honestly doesn't care - I know he loves me for me.

But . . . where does that leave us ladies? Should we just try to make ourselves look better than we are "au natural" because it makes us feel better about ourselves? And if that's the case, why does it make us feel better about ourselves? I don't really think I'm lacking in the self-confidence department, but why then did I feel like I did at work today? If I really accepted me for me, then should I not be able to to leave the house in pj's and bedhead and not care what people think? But if you do care about how you look to others, does that really make you vain, or does that just make you human?

Hmmm - I'll leave it at that, but I'm left wondering about that which we call vanity. Needed or unneeded? Necessary or sinful? Morale booster or morale dasher? I have to admit that this one's got me stumped . . .

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comments:

Interesting, thought provoking post. I think living your best life includes taking care of yourself and your outward appearance. But, I think there's a limit before it becomes an issue of vanity. Like you, I don't necessarily take the time most days to look my best, but, if I did make the effort to do so, without my "beauty routine" excessively affecting my life, than I think that would be a positive thing. To be honest though, these days I don't care enough to give up that extra 10 minutes of sleep. :P