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What is it going to take? When are the three letters ‘HIV’ not going to stop the conversation? Every. Single. Time (Picture: Becky)

Shame, shame, shame.

We all know the reference, Cersei taking her walk of shame in Game of Thrones. That’s where my head goes when I face a dating rejection because of my HIV. Like I’m doing a walk of shame.

The stigma runs deep, particularly with straight men and I go on a shame spiral. Agonising over every detail of the conversations, analysing, should I have told him then? Should I have worded it differently? Should I have waited until we met in person? It just goes around and around.

A new survey by Terrence Higgins Trust shows I’m not alone. HIV stigma continues to be shockingly high and it’s people like me who are having to face the consequences. 38 per cent of people would feel uncomfortable going on a date with someone living with HIV.

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While nearly half would feel uncomfortable kissing someone living with HIV. HIV never has or ever will be passed on by kissing or across the dinner table during an awkward date.

But this is the reality I have to deal with when it comes to dating and I am fed up with it.

Shame, shame, shame.

A new guy super liked me on Tinder and commented he was very glad he did. I’ve put a link to an HIV article in my bio and I ask people to read it.

It includes the information – which is backed up by evidence and two major studies, as well as endorsed by Terrence Higgins Trust – that because I’m on effective treatment I can’t pass on HIV, with or without a condom.

So if a guy’s at the point of messaging me I assume they’ve looked at it.

New guy was a nurse in an area of women’s health. New guy messaged me at 07.20 saying he had woken up thinking about me.

New guy messaged me as soon as he was on a break at work with a smiling picture.

We had planned to meet at the weekend, new guy said he was so excited to meet me.

I cannot pass on HIV to anyone else, and neither can any other person on effective HIV treatment (Metro Illustrations: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

New guy liked big curvy girls. New guy was a fan of kink.

During the conversation, the new guy told me he had worked at a women’s HIV treatment and assessment unit in Uganda. I was so happy, could this new guy be any more of a fit for me? I asked new guy if he’d read the article, he said no.

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My stomach flipped, he doesn’t know.

I’d assumed he had. I assumed that as he worked in health care he was just more educated on the matter and it didn’t concern him. Maybe I was being naïve, how could someone possibly know and not ask me about it?

New guy asked for the link again, said his phone wouldn’t let him copy and paste it.

No turning back.

I sent new guy the link at 11.16. he said he’d read it on his lunch and message me then. By 20.00 new guy had not read the two (casual, light and agonised over) messages I’d sent. One at lunch, one after work.

What is it going to take? When are three letters not going to stop the conversation? Every. Single. Time.

My friend said to me ‘he might still reply’.

New guy didn’t. New guys never do.

I want to be able to say ‘I’m HIV+ undetectable’ and they just go ‘okay’ and we move on.

I’ve seen it before, I’ve walked this path before and it’s like I’m in last night’s dress, smeared makeup, hungover and everyone can see.

And if my love life (and its challenges) has got you to read this, then please click off knowing what I really, really want you to know: people living with HIV and on effective treatment can’t pass it on to sexual partners.

That’s because treatment reduces the amount of virus in my blood to undetectable levels to protect my immune system from damage. That also means it can’t be passed on.

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Only 19 per cent of people across the country know this and that needs to change. Because it has a real and devastating impact.

Most men still don’t know about HIV. They won’t take the time to read information about it. If they think their dick is in danger they disengage, no matter how much they liked you in the first place.