{photo is from 2001, but the post was written in 2005. Sorry to confuse!}

For today, I'm going back to the beginning of my mama-hood. I found
this picture recently, and it brought back a flood of memories and
emotions. It's Calvin and I four years ago, in our old
apartment...before Steve "found" his career, before Ezra and Adelaide,
before our house--it all seems like a million years ago. I was (and
still am, I think) a young, young mother. I was 23 when I met Steve,
instantly fell in love and married, and decided right away to have a
child. Just out of college, really...I spent only two years working.
None of my friends had children--or were even close, and I suddenly
found myself completely alone and isolated in so many ways. I was full
of such a powerful love for this little boy of mine, and yet I was
completely overwhelmed... by parenting him, figuring out my new role as
someone's wife, and making meaningful connections with other parents.
I had all these strong convictions and ideas about how I wanted to
parent in a gentle, respectful way--yet it was so unlike any kind of
parenting I had experienced or even witnessed much of at that point.
This photo is a reflection for me of the complexity of all those
feelings together--of my deep love for my child, a strong passion to be
the parent I wanted to be, and the immense struggle to make that
happen.

Lots of things have changed since that moment....I have so many more
resources to parent with; have found myself in a supportive community;
and I have lots more confidence in myself, and even a little experience
now, as a mama. But the struggle--sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful--
remains each and every day to really *listen* to my children and myself, and to be the parent they deserve to have.

Self Portrait Tuesday bloggers here, with a great November theme of "Exploration of Identity." Kath, you rock...thanks for making me really think about this each week.

*** *** *** ***

A Note Today:I was recently (re)directed to this post by a new Mama, and well...maybe I'm feeling a little sentimental these days, but it seemed like a good time to revisit it. And just how is it that the rolly-polly bald headed sweet pea is about to be NINE this winter? Oh, time.

{photo is from 2001, but the post was written in 2005. Sorry to confuse!}

For today, I'm going back to the beginning of my mama-hood. I found
this picture recently, and it brought back a flood of memories and
emotions. It's Calvin and I four years ago, in our old
apartment...before Steve "found" his career, before Ezra and Adelaide,
before our house--it all seems like a million years ago. I was (and
still am, I think) a young, young mother. I was 23 when I met Steve,
instantly fell in love and married, and decided right away to have a
child. Just out of college, really...I spent only two years working.
None of my friends had children--or were even close, and I suddenly
found myself completely alone and isolated in so many ways. I was full
of such a powerful love for this little boy of mine, and yet I was
completely overwhelmed... by parenting him, figuring out my new role as
someone's wife, and making meaningful connections with other parents.
I had all these strong convictions and ideas about how I wanted to
parent in a gentle, respectful way--yet it was so unlike any kind of
parenting I had experienced or even witnessed much of at that point.
This photo is a reflection for me of the complexity of all those
feelings together--of my deep love for my child, a strong passion to be
the parent I wanted to be, and the immense struggle to make that
happen.

Lots of things have changed since that moment....I have so many more
resources to parent with; have found myself in a supportive community;
and I have lots more confidence in myself, and even a little experience
now, as a mama. But the struggle--sometimes ugly, sometimes beautiful--
remains each and every day to really *listen* to my children and myself, and to be the parent they deserve to have.

Self Portrait Tuesday bloggers here, with a great November theme of "Exploration of Identity." Kath, you rock...thanks for making me really think about this each week.

*** *** *** ***

A Note Today:I was recently (re)directed to this post by a new Mama, and well...maybe I'm feeling a little sentimental these days, but it seemed like a good time to revisit it. And just how is it that the rolly-polly bald headed sweet pea is about to be NINE this winter? Oh, time.

. . . . . . . .

Greetings! I'm Amanda Blake Soule - mother of five, author of three books on family creativity, and editor-in-chief of Taproot Magazine. I live with my family in an old farmhouse in Western Maine where we raise animals, grow vegetables and make lots of things. I write about it all here on the blog. Thank you for visiting!