So I know I expressed interest pages ago and then just disappeared, but I've been working on the character on the backburner. I'll just post what I have right now here to show I'm still interested. Take it as you wish.

Carolien Van Lunen is an Olympic level gymnast from a South African family with a tradition of service in armed forces. The Von Lunen family has served in various military outfits from the Navy to mercenary companies, from cavalry to guerrilla fighters. Most recently, both Carolien's father and older brother have joined the U.N. Peacekeeping efforts. Although she went through the same military upbringing as her brother Jacob, Carolien turned her interest more to sports and pushing herself ever further there.

Still, when the alien Alliance attacked, she saw that there was something more important to do than train herself for the next big games. And honestly, what could offer a greater adrenaline rush than fighting alien invaders? She volunteered to be tested for suitability to the procedure and soon became intimately familiar with the species called Rachni. The spider-like creatures served as the scouts and saboteurs of the invading forces, navigating mankind's concrete jungles with frightening ease.

Carolien has a playful personality which more serious mindsets might find difficult to work with. Still, although she has no trouble goofing off, making jokes or flirting with colleagues, she has shown herself to be every bit the born soldier her heritage would indicate her to be.

Last edited by McGuffin on Mon Nov 25, 2013 4:57 am, edited 2 times in total.

Player Notes: You indicated that you are open to changing the energy type/ descriptor.

Alien DNA: !#%^ (Sound of a modem connecting)Alien Species Setting Info: You know, I'm tempted to call this race Energon. Anyhoo. I was going to use the race as a power source for the Leviathan but they're their own power sources and the bonded pilots are smaller and less powerful on their own. Then I thought of making them the equivalent of a warp core, which I think is what you had in mind... You are not likely to run into this species as they rarely leave their assigned ships as they are the AI and power source of the dozen or so ships employing the species.

I'm going to admit, I glanced originally at the build and then almost wrote the character off as not fitting. Then I read the background. Damn. You guys are making this tough on me... Starting with complications - what do you infer by "problems with getting grounded?" I'm left wondering how/ why she is with humanity and how she got us to trust her... and then I thought of a complication: Dark Secret. See, she didn't get anyone to trust her. She actually infiltrated the system (literally) and took the place of one of the volunteers. Everyone thinks that she's actually another Justice Legion member... but what happens when they encounter her species and is recognized for what she is? Just a thought. In the interest of fairness, you still get the Phase One package of abilities. They don't seem to be added. As for the offer to change the energy type, my instinct is to say don't. Assume for now that electricity is a viable substitute for the energy she normally consumes/ uses. Note I said viable substitute. This implies that her kin are likely more powerful because they absorb the races customary energy source... On regen, note on a previous build that I stated that for the purposes of counting rounds, round one is the first round regardless of damage taken or not. That obviously cannot apply to your character as she needs to be immersed in electricity. Please explain how your insubstantial is subtle? I would think that being electricity would cause all kinds of havoc around you. Or do you mean that unless you get too close it doesn't show but i you try to shake hands you get a joy buzzer effect? You have Uncanny Dodge listed both in Advantage and in Electrosense. Same thing with some advantages in the Lightning Bolt. I am operating under the assumption that these are Enhanced Advantages. Am I correct? Personally, I think the Ride the Lightning effect is better served with a Teleport (Medium: Electrical Network) but that's me. Note because of Phase One equivalence, you bust your caps on Defenses. (Drop Stamina to 9 and you're good, and get 4 points to play with) Your Lightning bolt breaks caps on to hit/ damage. (If you drop Accurate to 5 and give yourself a rank of Ranged Attack the problem is solved for the caps, but the Lightning is one point short to serve as base power. Flip the powers to make Storm primary and make Lightning the Alt Power and you should be good. This option uses one of the 4 points freed up by the Phase One powers...) Note you can also use your Lightning Bolt in hand to hand combat even though it's technically a ranged attack.

Alien DNA: NautolansAlien Species Setting Info: Although amphibious, Nautolans are more comfortable in water than out. The Nautolans in the invading force have been revelling in the oceans of Earth and unbeknownst to anyone, have been working to clean the pollution and damage that mankind has caused. Noone has realized this as they not only clean it, but make it a point to attack and neutralize major contributors to pollution. By doing this, most consider that the lack of pollutants has allowed the world to heal. The fact of the matter is that there is very little in the way of resources to verify the patterns.Nautolan Personality: They tend to reflect the mood around them. When confronted by anger and violence, they respond in kind. When approached in a civilized manner, they are more helpful. They might be persuaded to help mankind as the Alliance tends not to remain on worlds as rich in water as Earth, and even when they do they exploit it to the point of it becoming sterile.

The only comment I have is that in water his Fort/ Will cap breaks. I've posted "hints" throughout the reviews that the Alliance is not unshakable. This is, of course, information no one has yet...

I just looked over the builds left for review, and I should be able to finish round one sweeps by the beginning of next week. At that point, I'll be making my selections and putting the finishing touches on reviewing the builds that get in. (I don't have any intention of making players do 2-3 reviews just to not choose them.)

Contrary to Spectrum's "fears" I probably will not use the races of the PCs as part of the Alliance. Well, not all of them anyway.

What is really going to be tough is that I want about 7-8 characters and about 19 submissions.... I have to cut more than half the submissions !!!

Last edited by Bladewind on Wed Nov 20, 2013 9:29 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Alien DNA Dalek (Khaled Mutant)Alien Species Setting Notes: Before I get to the build, I would like to clarify that it seems that your build is more of a hybrid with Khaled Mutant DNA as opposed to Dalek. Semantics to be sure, but your likelihood of acceptance is greatly enhanced if you mean Khaled Mutant)

Defensive Grab. Do you mean Defensive Attack? I count 33 advantages, unless one is considered Enhanced (from the face tentacles?) I also get 33 on Skills. It could be me, it's only 7:30 in the morning... Your Movement cost should be 4, unless I am mistaken For skills, Philosophy is a great touch, but I don't think 8 ranks is going to be of much benefit in game. I have no issue with swapping it out for a 1 Rank Benefit (Philosophy Degree) that gives you a +5 if it ever comes up. You'll need to adjust out the penalties from Growth as I simply gave out the Strength, Stamina, Power Lifting and Mass Benefits without requiring the penalties to the saves. Fortunately, simply reducing Parry and Dodge by one each solves the issue, leaves you with the same rank and solves the two point overage that I found...

Ok, I dropped his fortitude bonus in aquatic environments bringing him back to the cap limit. I then added Animal Empathy to his advantages. I should have done that originally as it allows me to use interaction skills (my high persuasion) on marine life.

optionqb wrote:Ok, I dropped his fortitude bonus in aquatic environments bringing him back to the cap limit. I then added Animal Empathy to his advantages. I should have done that originally as it allows me to use interaction skills (my high persuasion) on marine life.

First, I changed his name to Crawly, being he is more that just worms now. Now for the alien part. Crawly's species was founded by the aliens long ago. At that time a deal was struck. If the Colonies (Alien name for Crawly's kind) agreed to fight with the aliens, they will be given food. It seems simple and though the 'father'(hive mind) had great inteligence, they were still simple creatures (Think Starship Troopers Brain Bug). All they cared about is food and spreading themselves across the galaxy. Unlike other aliens, Colonies don't feel....anything really. They don't know fear or love. The only thing that drives them is the basics. This is why they are perfect foot soliders for the aliens. Drop them upon a world and wait. Being Strands grant Colonies unique powers (like Flight and Electrical shock for Crawly) each solider could easily destory large areas before being taken down. Their attacks were not of humaniod nature. Few used physical violence, instead they just swarmed and ate the enemy or something of equal simplicity. Though there were some that would punch and smash.

The aliens knew that Colonies were simple creatures. They used this and in doing so sacrificed many Colonies instead of expensive soldiers.

The physical look of Colonies are about as unique as their powers. Some are simple heaps of the creatures, others resemble some alien that The Father thought was perfect to mimic. This is why crawling looks humaniod. Being the creatures DNA code easily resembles the binary code of computers, som Colonies were even good at collecting information, though trying to tell them how to without eating the computer was a different issue.

What makes Crawly unique is the fact he was reprogramed via computer virus. This calmed the Colony and allowed scientist to work on them. After several months, they finally found a way to introduce a human into the colony. Placing specific bio-chips into Bernie (a special forces solider gravely wounded in battle) that caused them to merge Bernie into a 'mind-meld' with the Father as well as give him the training, experiance, knowledge, and most importantly feelings of Bernie. Unlike most things, Crawly knew it was reprogramed and openly enjoys the more complicated things. Crawly loves the feelings that Bernie gaves them as well as the new purposes in life (such as serving a country for the sake of patriotism).

Out of Battle, Crawly resembles Doctor Doom. The Plated Worms solid and unwavering making his flesh steel like. When in battle, Crawly looks more Worm that Walks for the Plated Worms are taking massive damage and most move to allow healing and the injured to be replaced with the well. Internally, Bernie's skeleton is still within the Colony, somehow keeping Bernie alive. When the colony flies, it is like a locust cloud but all the creatues seem to latch onto the sketal frame making for a truely gruesome look. When damage is taking, the skeletonal frame is visable making the appearance of a Zombie like creature.

Hope this helped.

Last edited by Mr.United on Thu Nov 21, 2013 10:09 am, edited 1 time in total.