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Tuesday, August 1

Summer's Social Surrender

It's been a minute since I've been in this space.
I'm trying to accurately referencing a current 'saying' I've been hearing lately and find I like.
I think I used it correctly.....

I follow this trend motto much better than when Wesley responded to me with a "that's lit fam" and I found myself literally squinting my eyes and reaching my face toward him by just my neck, asking "what?" as if that exact effort would make me understand him better when he repeated it... I've gathered since then that it's similar to when a friend and I went through a phase in high school of stating "rocksteady!" to everything we liked or found exciting....

.......and yes...... you're right...it wasn't a phase for me.... I still say 'rocksteady' from time to time, but tell me there isn't a one word, powerhouse, exclamatory that sums up an excited response more perfectly.

Where was I going with this anyways? Oh right....
What I'm trying to say is that it's been some time since I've written. There has simply been a combination of life things that coupled with my avoidance to want to hurt people's feelings, even if it is primarily based at the expense or response to other people's actions, when dealing with some of my own family's process, experiences and reactions, I just avoid writing because I can't hide behind words, it's why I enjoy them so much, they bare me. So consequently there is no.way. I'm going to put effort into writing for my family to reminisce on and have it all be rainbows and unicorns about only our happier times. So I distanced myself. Live undocumented in this space.

But that's not necessarily fair to me, so here I am, on the 1st day of the last month of school's summer vacation, writing.

And as many of you know, there is no time I love more than when my kids are home with me. This Stay At Home Mom thing is what my fibers are made from. So much so that sometime self identity outside of this roll is hard to recognize and uncomfortable for me, however that's a post for another time.

I've always been the cruise director of our summer livin'. I create their social environments, coaching their sport teams, cart them around town to pick up their friends to come along with us, put on dodgeball tournaments, host kick ball games, feed the masses, schedule the vacations, forces them to listen to me sing Moana at the top of my lungs in the van, lead them on experiences of seizing, and pretty much guide the way on all daily activities I feel are things I think they would find fun or at least create memories from during their time away from school.

Basically, their schedule is my schedule, created for them.

Now is where I'll admit all that I've tried to ignore this summer so far, but there has been a changing of the tides....

My schedule has become their schedule, created by THEM..... and seeing as they went along with me steering the ship so easily, one would think I'd go along just the same with being directed.....

Welp, I'm not.

Where I once played an active roll in their participation of busy, I've been demoted to the supporting cast, based on giving them rides to their social partaking only to be beckoned back when needed for them to come home.

They have the nerve to be gone most of the day during the school year, now that it's my time to have them home with me all day, they've got other plans...... that don't include me..... Which leaves me with only one question to ask..... What kind of monsters am I raising?

Yes, when I was 14 years old I didn't want to hang out with my parents.
Yes, I've put a lot of effort into raising independent, capable children.
Yes, I know the value that comes with given responsibility to spreading your wings outside of your Mother's watchful eye.
Yes, I know confidence grows in freedom.

All I'm saying is.. How could they do this to me? Their own mother.

Needless to say, I'm handling this all very well.
If you're feeling brave, Feel free to point out at any time that this is nothing compared to the abyss of lonely they are going to vault me into in the coming years.

I've been left with no other choice than to surrender my idea of what our social should look like this summer if I want to maximize the enjoyment of the short time I have with my kids the rest of it... when THEY DO decided to include me.... Who knows, maybe I'll learn to like it, even prefer it this way maybe...... Is this how Grumpy Old Men are created?

Either way, I'm working on embracing this new structure to our summer and I'm sure the remainder is going to be completely lit fam! ..... Did I do that right, Wes? Wesley? oh... yaaa...... I'll just sit here and stew in emotions while I wait for him to get home from hanging out with everyone but me, so I can check to see if I did.

{thank you Beth Somers for the photos of Wesley playing baseball, xoxo}