Hawaii Five-0: I’m Not Rick

Moonlight is helping The King of the Shave Ice prep for his flight test. While it may look like a toy, they are in fact using “the most technologically advanced flight simulator on the market.” Looks like a video game to Carmen Magnum (tm @95Sports). Moonlight is perhaps providing too much help for Kamekona’s taste. “You’re a back seat aviator. You tell your partner how to drive?”

drum drum drum HE DOESN’T DRIVE

HAH! Kamekona crashes his virtual chopper into the ocean after being distracted by Carmen’s post surfing bikini bod. Moonlight leaves them together to push reset with a warning. “Repeat after me: Altitude is my friend.” He drives to Haleiwa Harbor on the North Shore for the week’s case. A torched boat, the third one this month, all from the same company – Oahu Shark Tours. Caano is with the locals on their opposition to the tours. He doesn’t do sharks. Moonlight remembers. Man sushi. MAN SUSHI! The other fires occurred while the boats were docked, but the current incident happened 3 miles off shore. The boat’s owner, not!Louis CK realizes his brother must have gone out to retrieve the shark cage. He could still be out there.

The Coast Guard motors them out to the dive point and Caano wonders why anyone would want to be dunked in shark infested waters. Moonlight supposes that tourists want excitement and adventure on their vacation. False. Wrong. When I went to Hawaii I wanted to lay on the beach, eat malasadas, and meet Sayid from Lost. I GOT TO DO TWO OF THOSE THINGS, THERESE, CATHERINE, AND NICKI. They reach the site, but there’s no sign of a cage or brother Jason. There is a school of circling sharks. A salvage ship hauls up the cage. Jason’s body is inside.

On the drive back to Honolulu, they cargument about the wisdom of enabling Kamekona’s dream. Caano acknowledges that he helped the King buy the helicopter, but it was under duress. Also, “I never thought that any state or federal agency would license that man to fly it.” Ultimately his worry – as it always does – comes back to Monkey. That’s 3 tons of steel being piloted over the town where she lives. It could fall on her. He tries to take some small comfort in the certainty that the “shrimp-copter” will never get off the ground. When Moonlight wonders at his partner’s constant negativity, Caano offers him a deal. If Kamekona gets his wings, Danny will fly with him. Moonlight and his “I know everything face” are already looking forward to the trip.

Janet from 90210 stops by HQ to see Jin. He never called … He counters that she never gave him her number. “Well, you’re a cop. And it’s 2013 and I can’t really be that hard to find.” Touche. Jin admits that after what they went through, he thought she’d never want to see his face again. Janet is like, are you high? He’s smoking hot He saved her life! “We survived a prison riot together. I was kind of looking forward to seeing what you had in store for our second date.” Aww. And, hee! There’s nothing more that Jin would like than to take her out … “but you’re married.” Oof. Yeah. He was. Janet jots down her number on a slip of paper. When he’s ready. I like you fine, Janet from 90210, BUT YOU’RE NOT SUN. JIN + SUN 4 EVA!

The investigation into Jason’s death reaches into the way back machine, leading to the Kapu, last seen in Episode 1.6. We get our second, SECOND! cargument over the group’s possible guilt or innocence. Moonlight observes that Caano is in a mood. Hee! They interview leader Kavika, but yeah, it’s not the Kapu. Not!Louis CK thinks it is though and torches Kavika’s house. They give him a very stern talking to in the blue room, but he’s apparently never charged, because arson isn’t a crime or anything.

Jin and Boomer run into another dead end with an FBI confidential informant – but they do school his handlers as to which island they’re on. Whose island? 5-0’s island, bishes. Anyhoo, Max finds evidence of a second victim. With a dramatic flourish, he pulls the drape away from the dead shark laying on his table. Candy gram. A commercial fisherman caught the mako, and when they were gutting it, that little Kintner boy spilled out all over the dock they found a human arm. Buck shot in the arm matches the boom stick – “What’s a boom stick?” – found in the burned boat. The arm’s late owner was also a fisherman and they suspect he may have had beef with the shark tours. The team go looking for his two partners. One is already dead. The other is missing. Financials reveal that the men spent $30,000 just the week before on diving equipment. Fishermen just scraping by don’t spend thirty grand on diving equipment. “No, the Submariner doesn’t spend thirty thousand on diving equipment.” Moonlight corrects Caano. “The Submariner, he doesn’t need diving equipment ’cause he can breathe underwater.” Boomer knowingly jumps into the conversation.

Hey, whither Adam Namor Ricky Steamboat anyway? Boomer cloned his phone and then POOF! Back into the sea with him. Also, what about his brother? I’ve been waiting for the body with a bullet in it from Boomer’s gun to pop up since Episode 10. Moving on. Jin finds a barrel in the garage and Caano identifies the lingering aroma as pharmaceutical grade Ecstasy. It explains the map Boomer just showed them. “Our fishermen were after sunken treasure.” The X was manufactured by a Taiwanese drug cartel. The cartel’s couriers dumped the drugs on their way into Oahu. The barrels landed near the shark cages, Jason mistook the fishermen for activists and was killed. Fisherman of the third, Jay, must have then decided to cut out his partners – permanently.

Boomer gets intel from the Coast Guard that Jay’s boat is tied up at a cargo terminal. She secures the perimeter while the rest of the team search for Jay. They find him mid deal. Just as they’re arresting the men, one of the buyers is shot in the chest by an unseen sniper. Five-0 find themselves out-gunned and out-manned by the cartel. They’re led before the king pin. You know, this show makes so much more sense when I actually pay attention to it. The first time I watched this episode I had no idea who this down-market Wo Fat fool was. Anyhoo, it’s bad business to kill cops, so he’s just going to put them in a shipping container and send them back to Taiwan. Jay he’s totally okay with killing. “I am of the nature to die. There’s no way to escape death.” And then Boomer

And Kamekona earns his wings. Caano sits in the back seat hyperventilating and trying not to throw up. Captain King promises that if they go down, he’ll look after Grace for Danny. HAH! Even Max knows to just let that one go. He asks Kamekona to please continue the tour. The King hits the highlights of the Honolulu waterfront and did the Oahu Tourism Board pay for this or did they just hit the lottery when CBS gave the go for this show? As they swing along the coastline, Max suddenly breaks into song. Caano asks if he’s having a seizure. Max explains that he simply felt the Magnum P.I. theme was appropriate. Kamekona used to love that show. “Higgie Baby was the man!” Max agrees and observes that Moonlight shares the same Navy Seal heritage as Magnum. Also, he’s dating his daughter. Caano stops Max before he can say it. “I’m not Rick.”