THEM ON US: The Vagina Police Logs

Oklahoma coppers bust woman who was found packing bags of meth up her bum. Gross, but still not the punch line. A further cavity search turned up a .22-caliber handgun from her vajajay. Christie Dawn Harris, 28, and her amazing pistol-packing puswah make this Wyoming newspaper only because the firearm was a local Freedom Arms model. At least she has good taste in what she will allow down there.

Former NaG scribe grilled on TV

Former News&Guide editor Curtis Hubbard did his best to hang in there with Bill O’Reilly but the talk show host doesn’t cut guests much slack on the “No Spin Zone” segment.

Hubbard was invited to appear to defend his editorial in the Denver Post that accused O’Reilly of fear-mongering when he called gay Colorado House Speaker Mark Ferrandino out of the closet on a piece spotlighting Colorado’s resistance to Jessica’s Law.

“You got some nerve calling me a homophobe,” O’Reilly blustered. “You are a smear merchant. That’s what you do and you can’t back it up.”

Ain’t that a 13ITCH?

Wyoming is fairly prudish when it comes to what it will allow on its license plates. WYDOT maintains a vigilant list of banned four-letter words for vanity tags and, thanks to some hard-hitting investigative journalism by the state paper, we now have a bit of insight into the gutter-minds of our state DMV.

BOOB, BUTT, FART, and PNUS are all banned. OK, with the aid of Bart Simpson, we can figure those out, but it gets trickier. Also among the 93 banned four-letter words are BDAS, FBYU, SOB, and NPPL. And forget about using SUKK, CRAP, HELL or SEX – they’re all on the naughty list. Motor Vehicle Services admitted to the Trib that it’s often difficult to keep up with current slang so they have one employee who is really good with the ‘internets’ monitoring sites like Urban Dictionary in case they look like clueless fools.

My favorite? ITCH is banned but only in Converse County where that county’s plates start with the number 13. Get it?