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Jake's Advice for How to Tell a Guy What You Really Want in Bed

I'm here to help you navigate the sometimes impenetrable, inscrutable male mind and make dating a more pleasant and hopefully more fruitful experience. So please feel free to ask me anything via Twitter at @glamour_jake or via email smittenbloggers@gmail.com.

Hey, Jake,

Sex Q for you: How do you tell someone with more experience than you (read: their "number" is higher) that they're fairly incompetent while fooling around? Is there a nice way to correct what they're doing?

Thanks! Julie

Hi, Julie,

Great question! It’s funny—I was just dating someone for a few weeks who clearly knew what she wanted in bed but didn’t know the right way to express it. She was so clinical about her instructions, as if she were telling me how to use a complicated espresso maker, it was an immediate turn-off. I mean, guys want to know what’s working and what’s not, but there’s a way to keep it sexy.

Jake’s advice: Start with positive reinforcement. Men are like puppies—we respond much better to encouraging feedback than negative. If something feels good, let him know with an “Ooh, yes, that feels good,” kind of thing (it’s like our version of a Scooby snack). If it doesn’t feel good, grab his hand, and show the hand what to do. (In other words, yes, I’m saying, “Talk to the hand!”). Or if he’s using something else incorrectly (his tongue, for example), feel free to offer reassuring directions like, “Try it slower” or “Maybe a little softer,” or whatever it is that gets you going. Just avoid being bossy—and don’t forget the Scooby snacks.

Remember: All guys are different, and so are all girls. His last girlfriend might have liked it fast and hard, and maybe you like it soft and sweet. Just keep the advice sexy and positive and you’ll be blissful in no time.