Will God make me marry someone I am not attracted to?

I know how scary it can feel to wonder if God’s will will match our desires. All kinds of questions about attraction, and compatibility slip in, taunting us about an unknown future.

I grew up with misconceptions about God years ago due to the stories I was feeding on. This was also coupled with my misconception of God’s word.

I was fearful of God and everything he entailed: His choices for his followers didn’t fit the frame and life I’d planned for myself.

Safe to say, it didn’t look pretty sticking with God or going deeper into Him.

I was fearful because I believed God was like a sadist that would give me something mediocre. But I didn’t understand God was intelligent, wise, beautiful and everything else my soul was made for.

If you then, BEING EVIL, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!

Matthew 7:11

I felt if God gave me something that didn’t fit my frame of a ‘husband’ or the world’s judgement of what a a good and attractive man looks like, I must have been cheated by God or I just settled for less.

This was based on the fact that part of me loved the world and I was ignorant about God’s life and His design for marriage.

Ignorance makes us afraid of God’s choices and because we aren’t perfected in love yet, we fear God’s will for us.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1John4:18

When we are able to love the Lord God with all our heart and soul and mind, we will be able to trust his plans for us, even when it doesn’t fit the life we’ve planned or envisioned for ourselves.

Beauty is Subjective

Beauty is in the eye of the ‘beholder’.

While there are people that are definitely attractive by the world’s standards, God created us differently. So what may be attractive to you may be a turn off for someone else.

When it comes to God’s choices, I don’t believe God creates ugly people. We just have to adjust our perception of people.

While I admit some people are definitely good-looking than the general population, marriage is beyond beauty. It has to do with our souls and the kind of people we are inside.

When someone is Christlike on the inside, it only takes time for that beauty to reflect on the outside. And it’s safe to say attraction grows from here.

I’ve met people who are pretty on the surface but with little or no interest in chasing God. The little time I spent time with them, I didn’t want to ‘fellowship’ with them.

On the other hand, I have met people who might not have ticked the world’s box of beauty but they had so much spiritual wealth inside.

No matter how attractive a man or woman is, I wouldn’t want to marry a spiritually illiterate person. And spiritual competency outshines physical beauty in this world and in the world to come.

Open your heart and give it time

DELIGHT yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 37:4

The more we delight in God, he begins to transform our hearts into like that of Christ. And our desires reflect the Spirit’s desires and not the flesh.

Overtime, I’ve discovered that if only we open our hearts to receive God’s choice, he purifies us from our idols to see better.

God’s choice may not be pleasant to your flesh at first but it is always worth it. You may not understand things now, but if you keep following Him, you’ll begin to see how everything will turn out beautiful for you while you marvel at the beauty of His will.

This reminds me of the time God asked me to let go of my old blog that was almost topping a million views and had garnered a huge following over time.

I’d felt hurt because I felt my purpose was tied to what I could ‘do’ as a person.

To the world it may have looked good and attractive, but his will and ways are better than mine.

I chose to let go and accept His reframing of my soul for His purpose.

Although I don’t have all those page-views anymore and I had to start all over again and afresh, I look back at my life and thank God when I see the things He saved me from in the process.

I love this Christ-life He’s building for me and I could never have wished for any other. I may have lost people and things in the process, but God’s will is worth more than anything I may have lost.

Learning to Love God is learning to love His will

When God brings his will, it displaces the lust and love for the world in our hearts.

We grew up in a world that is anti-godly. So it’s only natural for us to have an anti-god structure/frame of the spouse we want.

From the romance books to Hollywood love stories I binged on, I created images of the kind of man I wanted. And I’ve found many women falling into this same delusion.

The world is a teacher. So is Christ.

Before we got born again, we’d learned a way of life that’s against God’s design for mankind. We were raised to act and think like the world and some of us defend the world because it has become part of us.

For all that is in the world: the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world

1John2:16

Our getting born again didn’t eliminate this formation in us. Hence we must begin to allow God unravel us from these baggages that prevent us from embracing God’s will.

Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us and let us run with patience the race that is set before us

Hebrews 12:1

Attraction and Love grows with time

For some people, the spark comes immediately while for some, the spark grows in the relationship. If we are willing to open ourselves to God’s love, he will teach our hearts to love and embrace His will.

This is because His love isn’t based on physical attraction or he’d have deleted mankind from the surface of the earth a long time ago. His love is selfless and pure and God is eager to teach us to love like this.

How can we love his will if we don’t try? How can we be upset about it if we are not willing to even give love a chance?

I know we want that spark and butterflies. Perhaps you want a guy that can sweep you off your feet.

If you are 100% sure God is the one leading you to each other, then God knows it will work. It’s all part of the grand plan.

Maybe God has told you his choice but your heart is reluctant to receive it.

Don’t push God’s choice away.

He will never give his children anything or anyone. He knows what we need more than we do. If God is saying yes, it means he has faith in you. He believes you can make it work. So get to know this person and know what they are like.

Go deeper, become friends.

God is lovely and has a sense of humor. He begins to reveal details about this person that pulls us closer and attracts us to them. Our spouses may not come in the packages we expect, but those gifts are always the best. Because they come up with surprises we didn’t see coming.

And maybe no one is in sight yet and you’re uncertain about the future, trust the goodness of God. Wait on the Lord. He is good and only knows good. He will never give you something less than good.

It may not fit the world’s definition of good, but who cares about the world?

Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him

Comments

Chidinma

Wow. Thank you for putting up this piece. While I was reading, I kept pausing to have conversations and reflect. Thank God for His love and mercy towards us. ‘God is good and He only knows good; He will never give me something /someone less than good’ That is the truth. God help us to meditate on Him and His nature so as to align our desires with His.

itunu

Jesuferanmi Longe

Hey
I got a hold of this blog from a very good senior friend Chidinma. (I can already see her comment).
I am so blessed by this.
This is the best answer I have ever read or come across on this topic.
God bless you.
Bless you for me.

itunu

Judith

Am really blessed by your books and write-ups,I always meditate and reflect while reading them. God bless and increase His grace upon your life . Pls I need more of your books esp continuation of beautiful wings.

itunu

Hello Judith! Thanks for stopping by and thank you for your kind words. The sequel to Beautiful Wings will be out soon. Just make sure you’re subscribed to the blog so you’ll be notified of any updates regarding new stories and blog content.
Xx!