Overreacting?

It's kind of a MIL rant! my DH's mom is incredibly overbearing and obsessed with DD. I've learned to just accept that she demands to see her every week(more if she could), and just try to tell myself it's only out of love. But, there are a few things that really bother me and I'm not sure if I am overreacting about it or if this would bother other moms too?! First, any time we go out to eat- she brings toys for DD in her purse. Keep in mind, I always bring 3-4 different toys for her and MIL will not acknowledge the toys I've already given DD and will hand her the ones from her purse. I find it incredibly bizarre that she carries toys in her purse! I could understand if she were babysitting DD, but if I'm there..I will provide my child with toys, thank you!And the second thing she has been doing is feeding DD off her fork. The worst was thanksgiving, she kept feeding DD candied yams, mashed potatoes(made with cream cheese and Swiss cheese)and turkey. My baby is EBF and started doing BLW about a month ago. DD obviously does not get dairy(which was loaded in the mashed potatoes), and the yams that were full of sugar! MIL did not ask either DH or myself if she could feed DD, she just went ahead and did it. She has a habit of grabbing DD and walking away with her, so she was not next to me... otherwise I would have stopped it right then. She also knows that I'm very selective of what we have been feeding DD and that I make it all myself. I just feel like these are things that overstep boundaries and she shouldn't do. I actually did say something to MIL a few months ago when she brought multiple toys out of her purse. I was shocked to say the least and incredibly offended. It was the second time it happened and I was really irked so I just said "you don't bring toys because you think I don't provide them for her, do you?" She said no, and then changed the subject. I thought maybe this would be a hint to her, but this morning she pulled a toy out at breakfast. Ahh!!!

It's kind of a MIL rant! my DH's mom is incredibly overbearing and obsessed with DD. I've learned to just accept that she demands to see her every week(more if she could), and just try to tell myself it's only out of love. But, there are a few things that really bother me and I'm not sure if I am overreacting about it or if this would bother other moms too?! First, any time we go out to eat- she brings toys for DD in her purse. Keep in mind, I always bring 3-4 different toys for her and MIL will not acknowledge the toys I've already given DD and will hand her the ones from her purse. I find it incredibly bizarre that she carries toys in her purse! I could understand if she were babysitting DD, but if I'm there..I will provide my child with toys, thank you!And the second thing she has been doing is feeding DD off her fork. The worst was thanksgiving, she kept feeding DD candied yams, mashed potatoes(made with cream cheese and Swiss cheese)and turkey. My baby is EBF and started doing BLW about a month ago. DD obviously does not get dairy(which was loaded in the mashed potatoes), and the yams that were full of sugar! MIL did not ask either DH or myself if she could feed DD, she just went ahead and did it. She has a habit of grabbing DD and walking away with her, so she was not next to me... otherwise I would have stopped it right then. She also knows that I'm very selective of what we have been feeding DD and that I make it all myself. I just feel like these are things that overstep boundaries and she shouldn't do. I actually did say something to MIL a few months ago when she brought multiple toys out of her purse. I was shocked to say the least and incredibly offended. It was the second time it happened and I was really irked so I just said "you don't bring toys because you think I don't provide them for her, do you?" She said no, and then changed the subject. I thought maybe this would be a hint to her, but this morning she pulled a toy out at breakfast. Ahh!!!

I think you need to have a honest conversation with her about these things bothering you. The toys wouldn't bother me, but the food would. Luckily, my mil doesn't feed ds anything without asking or seeing/hearing about me feed it to him before.

I think you need to have a honest conversation with her about these things bothering you. The toys wouldn't bother me, but the food would. Luckily, my mil doesn't feed ds anything without asking or seeing/hearing about me feed it to him before.

Ok, thanks for the replies. I know the toy thing is harmless... Just obnoxious to me. I get easily annoyed now because she has done so many overbearing things in the past and now that she tries to pull little things like this with my child... it pisses me off. She is obsessed with DD, and I mean like she acts like she is a mother again, she doesn't seem to understand the role grandparents play. So when she started bringing toys... It just irked me. And I don't know of any other grandmothers who do this... My own mother doesn't do it and I'd probably say something to her if she did. I also forgot to mention that she carried a teething ring in her purse when DD was 3 months old... And not teething. She's just too much!The food thing is unacceptable and I will make sure to say something if it happens again. I feel like its too late now to bring it up. Ayayay... Mother-in-laws! ;0)

Ok, thanks for the replies. I know the toy thing is harmless... Just obnoxious to me. I get easily annoyed now because she has done so many overbearing things in the past and now that she tries to pull little things like this with my child... it pisses me off. She is obsessed with DD, and I mean like she acts like she is a mother again, she doesn't seem to understand the role grandparents play. So when she started bringing toys... It just irked me. And I don't know of any other grandmothers who do this... My own mother doesn't do it and I'd probably say something to her if she did. I also forgot to mention that she carried a teething ring in her purse when DD was 3 months old... And not teething. She's just too much!The food thing is unacceptable and I will make sure to say something if it happens again. I feel like its too late now to bring it up. Ayayay... Mother-in-laws! ;0)

I agree with most. The toys wouldnt annoy me. I would be grateful because it is one less thing for me to lug around. Food would annoy me. My baby will not ever let anyone take her away from me so no one has the chance to feed her behind my back. Time to let DH do some damage control.

I agree with most. The toys wouldnt annoy me. I would be grateful because it is one less thing for me to lug around. Food would annoy me. My baby will not ever let anyone take her away from me so no one has the chance to feed her behind my back. Time to let DH do some damage control.

Wi I could have written this. My mil watches DS 1 day a week and insists on buying food to keep at her house. Not sure why since I send him with bottles and meals every week, but she had to have her own. Guess it will go to waste since I make sure he eats what I prepare. My mom carries around toys at all times.
I keep reminding myself that both are doing it with no ill intention and just love him so much they want to be involved. Funny thing is it bothers me way less with my mom, not sure why since I get along with my mil.

Wi I could have written this. My mil watches DS 1 day a week and insists on buying food to keep at her house. Not sure why since I send him with bottles and meals every week, but she had to have her own. Guess it will go to waste since I make sure he eats what I prepare. My mom carries around toys at all times.
I keep reminding myself that both are doing it with no ill intention and just love him so much they want to be involved. Funny thing is it bothers me way less with my mom, not sure why since I get along with my mil.

and to really ice the cake, this morning at breakfast mil laughs and asks how terrible were DD's diapers after thanksgiving! that should have been my moment to let her know that it was not ok to feed her that stuff, but I just said "I was really worried about it, but they were fine"...man I wish I had the balls to say something at that moment :(

and to really ice the cake, this morning at breakfast mil laughs and asks how terrible were DD's diapers after thanksgiving! that should have been my moment to let her know that it was not ok to feed her that stuff, but I just said "I was really worried about it, but they were fine"...man I wish I had the balls to say something at that moment :(

I feel your pain. The toys aren't bad but it would kinda bother me. A week before my son was born my mil went and bought a chicco stroller, chicco car seat, base, swing, pack n play, diapers, blankets, wipes and baby soap. A co worker gave her a bouncer. Wth? I know it's your first grandchild but I'm not handing him over. Then he gets a little older she buys a bumbo, high chair and a new car because her two door infinit is not kid friendly. I don't let DS drink out of my stuff (yeah weird). one day while out DS wanted a drink from the water bottle. I said sorry bub but I already drank out of it. Fil asked why I wouldn't give him some so I explained. He then says I'll give him some of my water even though I drank out if it. PLEASE dont do that!!! If I don't want him drinking out of mine I don't want him drinking after you! If fil is around at feeding time, he will touch every single finger food on the tray. I get so irritated and then walk over and take it all off the tray. Why does he need to touch every bit of food? He's not very hygienic so it grosses me out.

I feel your pain. The toys aren't bad but it would kinda bother me. A week before my son was born my mil went and bought a chicco stroller, chicco car seat, base, swing, pack n play, diapers, blankets, wipes and baby soap. A co worker gave her a bouncer. Wth? I know it's your first grandchild but I'm not handing him over. Then he gets a little older she buys a bumbo, high chair and a new car because her two door infinit is not kid friendly. I don't let DS drink out of my stuff (yeah weird). one day while out DS wanted a drink from the water bottle. I said sorry bub but I already drank out of it. Fil asked why I wouldn't give him some so I explained. He then says I'll give him some of my water even though I drank out if it. PLEASE dont do that!!! If I don't want him drinking out of mine I don't want him drinking after you! If fil is around at feeding time, he will touch every single finger food on the tray. I get so irritated and then walk over and take it all off the tray. Why does he need to touch every bit of food? He's not very hygienic so it grosses me out.

oh yes, mil bought all that same stud for herself and then proceeded to purchase a brand new MINIVAN!! WTH?!? it's just her and fil... no need for a minivan.she basically thinks she had a baby when I gave birth. I think that's why the toy thing... and honesty most things she does, bother me so much!but the food thing is just plain disrespectful!

oh yes, mil bought all that same stud for herself and then proceeded to purchase a brand new MINIVAN!! WTH?!? it's just her and fil... no need for a minivan.she basically thinks she had a baby when I gave birth. I think that's why the toy thing... and honesty most things she does, bother me so much!but the food thing is just plain disrespectful!

DH doesn't really get it, he always acts like I'm overreacting and that mil just loves DD. which I already know and appreciate, but loving her is one thing...the way mil behaves is plain crazy obsessed! DH does get where im coming from and has started to realize its not normal how mil is with DD. but I can't get him to ever say anything to her about it.

DH doesn't really get it, he always acts like I'm overreacting and that mil just loves DD. which I already know and appreciate, but loving her is one thing...the way mil behaves is plain crazy obsessed! DH does get where im coming from and has started to realize its not normal how mil is with DD. but I can't get him to ever say anything to her about it.

I'm sorry to hear that- I can't imagine how hard it would be if my DH didn't say things to MIL when things like this happened to us. I would stop letting MIL take your lo away from you, and slide your own toys into lo's hands so your own toys are being played with. It's always tough having the conversation but to get my point across, I would just keep lo to myself- and I would be busy all the time so MIL doesn't see lo for a long while. I hope things get better for you.

I'm sorry to hear that- I can't imagine how hard it would be if my DH didn't say things to MIL when things like this happened to us. I would stop letting MIL take your lo away from you, and slide your own toys into lo's hands so your own toys are being played with. It's always tough having the conversation but to get my point across, I would just keep lo to myself- and I would be busy all the time so MIL doesn't see lo for a long while. I hope things get better for you.

I don't get why 'obviously' your dd isn't having dairy. Does she have an allergy? Because that's something your mil should be aware of. Personally I wouldn't be bothered about the toy thing. I wouldn't really worry about the food either except things loaded with sugar. Definitely agree that you should talk to her though. Out of interest (not attacking) to the pp who finds touching the food unhygienic, does your baby play on the floor? I figured all bets were off once DS started crawling around and licking the tiles lol!

I don't get why 'obviously' your dd isn't having dairy. Does she have an allergy? Because that's something your mil should be aware of. Personally I wouldn't be bothered about the toy thing. I wouldn't really worry about the food either except things loaded with sugar. Definitely agree that you should talk to her though. Out of interest (not attacking) to the pp who finds touching the food unhygienic, does your baby play on the floor? I figured all bets were off once DS started crawling around and licking the tiles lol!

In my opinion, I think you are overreacting a little. I understand you are making your own food and are trying to provide a healthy diet, but what your MIL fed your baby is what they should be eating by now. Your baby's diapers were gross, because they had real food, not because it didn't digest well. My LO has been on solids since 4 mo and i have made all her food and has grown to love a lot of different flavors things. You MIL is just excited to have a grandchild and isn't up on today's was of parenting.

In my opinion, I think you are overreacting a little. I understand you are making your own food and are trying to provide a healthy diet, but what your MIL fed your baby is what they should be eating by now. Your baby's diapers were gross, because they had real food, not because it didn't digest well. My LO has been on solids since 4 mo and i have made all her food and has grown to love a lot of different flavors things. You MIL is just excited to have a grandchild and isn't up on today's was of parenting.

The toys wouldn't bother me, they probably keep dd entertained for longer because she doesn't set them all the time. With the food I would maybe let her know there are some foods that dd hasn't eaten yet and would appreciate her asking you before giving food off her plate. My dad does this all the time, ds has tried calamari(my dh ok'd this one), whip cream (this one was instead of black forest cake),candied yams, but I figure if its just a taste and not a bite, and doesn't happen every day its not going to hurt him. DS hasn't been sick, and my dad is having way too much fun as a grandparent. And in 30 years I can do the same.

The toys wouldn't bother me, they probably keep dd entertained for longer because she doesn't set them all the time. With the food I would maybe let her know there are some foods that dd hasn't eaten yet and would appreciate her asking you before giving food off her plate. My dad does this all the time, ds has tried calamari(my dh ok'd this one), whip cream (this one was instead of black forest cake),candied yams, but I figure if its just a taste and not a bite, and doesn't happen every day its not going to hurt him. DS hasn't been sick, and my dad is having way too much fun as a grandparent. And in 30 years I can do the same.

I would totally freak about the food. Not okay at all!!! DD's pedi specifically said to avoid meat and dairy until she was at least 9 months (she is on soy formula due to dairy intolerance). If anyone took DD away and fed her ANYTHING I did not first okay, they would lose baby privileges for a while. And it is a privilege - you are not obligated to hand over DD! Yes, I do tend toward overprotective myself, but I went through some h*** carrying her. As for the toys, it depends on if they are loose in her purse or clean in a plastic baggy kind of thing. If they are just loose and if your DD sticks them in her mouth, that would be a problem for me. Yeah, DD is on the floor and all that now, but women's purses are notoriously germy. I'd ask her to clean them before each use and keep in a separate baggy if she wants to give them to her. Of course, my DD just had her first cold and I don't want a repeat, so consider that along with my opinion. But what I, and everyone else for that matter, share is just an opinion. You're the momma to your DD. Only you get to decide what is okay for her. And you have to stand up for those beliefs. She's to young to do it herself. Just saying. I, like others, say you need to have a convo. GL with whatever you decide.

I would totally freak about the food. Not okay at all!!! DD's pedi specifically said to avoid meat and dairy until she was at least 9 months (she is on soy formula due to dairy intolerance). If anyone took DD away and fed her ANYTHING I did not first okay, they would lose baby privileges for a while. And it is a privilege - you are not obligated to hand over DD! Yes, I do tend toward overprotective myself, but I went through some h*** carrying her. As for the toys, it depends on if they are loose in her purse or clean in a plastic baggy kind of thing. If they are just loose and if your DD sticks them in her mouth, that would be a problem for me. Yeah, DD is on the floor and all that now, but women's purses are notoriously germy. I'd ask her to clean them before each use and keep in a separate baggy if she wants to give them to her. Of course, my DD just had her first cold and I don't want a repeat, so consider that along with my opinion. But what I, and everyone else for that matter, share is just an opinion. You're the momma to your DD. Only you get to decide what is okay for her. And you have to stand up for those beliefs. She's to young to do it herself. Just saying. I, like others, say you need to have a convo. GL with whatever you decide.

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