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teasing

Last night we had some lovely sex. We had just watched a movie and while she snoozed through some of it, she was restless throughout. She’d already seen it, I had not. She came back from the bathroom at the end of the movie and we coupled, kissing, touching, groping. She allowed me inside her and then teased me verbally the entire time. Well, except for the moments where I was able to silence her with hard thrusting, but that didn’t last long. It can’t last too long when she whispers and I’ve been denied over 70 days. But we settled into some lovely fun playful sex and she grinned at torturing and teasing me, watching me struggle to stave off the cumming that was so very close several times.

Eventually I was able to withstand even most of her whispering and was able to really fuck well, which kind of puts her off her game of teasing and she had enough. She told me so. “Enough” she said. “Down!” she said. Finally she got the right word for her dog “HEEL!” she giggled. And I withdrew. “Damn you, dog… ” she smiled at me.

We settled into bed. The two of us together, tangled, pillow, body, pillows, body, tangles of arms and legs. I was able to pet her and did so. She snoozed, I heard her breathing change, the ragged noises of sleep now coming from her. And despite ourselves having stopped fucking, I was still quite horny. I rolled onto my back, able to still pet her. With my left hand I pet her, with my right, I pet myself. My hand grasped around my cock, still wet from being inside her, still hard from our love making. I pumped it, I stroked it. I remembered her whispers and words. Soon I was near the edge and pumping harder, my balls slapping and making the quintessential jerking off noises. She stirred as I paused from my stroking.

†”Are you touching?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“Not enough for you, pup?”

“Still horny, Ma’am”

I could hear her smile. “Good, pup. Good. I like you torturing yourself while I sleep. Pet me to sleep again and tease yourself for ten more minutes. Then sleep.”

“Yes, Ma’am.” And so I pet her, waited for her sleeping noises again and spent another ten minutes teasing myself to the edge multiple times while she slept next to me.

When I snuggled in behind her spooning her, my hard cock nestled between her cheeks. She roused again as I so very gently humped against her. “Keep petting me. Keep humping too.” which I did until we both fell asleep tangled with each other. Another lovely night in our big beautiful bed. Another night with my lovely Mistress still holding her virtual leash close while we slept.

†This is the point where the fantasy happens. She didn’t really tell me this, but I was stroking next to her while she slept. And I’m sure she’d be okay with my torturing myself. She’s mentioned it before. A charmed life we lead.

We were both thinking about her time away that was coming up during a beautiful evening out – lovely dinner – a stage play – returning home. We fell into bed and soon were naked together watching an episode of one of our regular shows. We both enjoyed our bodies together and I was being a little tiny bit aggressive with her in bed. She reacted by pushing back against my aggression and reminding me of my place. I realized it was not one of her moments where she really wanted me to persist on being aggressive. In fact, she was looking for a passive boy. A useful erotic toy.

We made out and I asked her permission to make love to her.

“What does that mean, pup?”

“I really want to feel connected, inside you.”

“Inside me? That sounds a little bit more about your pleasure than mine”

“I want to feel close, deep inside you, coupled with you.”

“Aren’t we coupled now? Do you need to be inside me?”

“We are Ma’am. We are. But I wanted to be inside you as well. Maybe even put you to sleep while inside you?”

“Oh pup, I’m sure you’d enjoy that…. ” She pushed me back form her body and adjusted her pillows, then moved herself more onto her back instead of on her side.

“But I’m looking for something more tonight, pup.” She pulled her knees up, signaling to me that she was opening up to my entry. I moved myself to be perpendicular to her, my head on a pillow, my legs tangled with hers.

“But I like the idea of you inside me. I was just thinking about that. About you being completely inside me.” We further adjusted ourselves. I waited with my cock against her pussy. “Just pet me with the head of your cock.” I rubbed her pussy with my cock. “Yes, pup, just like that.” I rubbed my cock from her hole up over hit clitoral hood, back and forth. She moaned.

“I see you six inches tall, pup. Inside me. Fully inside me as I walk around.” She told me the continuing tale of my being miniaturized and her using me like a dildo, leaving me in place as she walks around town. As she enters a bar, uses the bathroom, flirts, goes back to a man’s apartment near the bar…

While she told this tale, she played with herself. I massaged her nipple and she alternated between ordering me to give her more cock and denying my entry to her pussy. Whenever I was mentally able to give her more, she didn’t want it. But when I was straining against spilling my cum, she demanded it. Yes, she was absolutely playing me and we both knew it. I was on edge the entire time, barely the head of my cock entering her at any time.

She kept driving me “Just the head pup… ” and “Put it in me pup, be my sextoy, do it” she would say, taunting me. Her heel kicking my ass to spur me on, her hand ripping at my nipple to order me back out again. I never was able to plunge into her.

She ordered me to calm down and she stopped telling me the story. I breathed deeply, relaxed, calmed. Still my cock head fucked her pussy, but just the head. Her breathing got deeper too, rising and falling higher and lower. She was getting closer. Now it was my turn to pick up the story, which I did. Placing myself in the same place, her 6″ tall dildo of a man being used by her and by the man she picked up at the bar. Both of them using and abusing me, then cleaning me. About how she told the man to not overstimulate me – even if I was a tiny toy, I was not allowed to ever cum.

My whispering now influenced her and she started tensing. Her orgasm was on the way. Now, with her orgasm coming, for some stupid and unknown reason, my brain was fine. I was able to plunge deep into her, fill her as she came and that’s exactly what I did. I drove deep, she pulsed and squeezed. I adjusted and dove deeper, she pulsed more. Finally I was all the way in and she rode out her orgasm.

I kissed her hand, I licked her fingers clean as she offered them to me.

“Out, pup.” I withdrew from her warmth with a whimper and sidled up to her. She cupped my balls and squeezed them.

I asked permission to have an orgasm. “Quickly pup, I’m ready to sleep now.” I cycled the sexual energy around inside me and held her tightly and within 15 seconds I was shouting into the pillow with my orgasm, pumping and pulsing my body but the semen staying safely within my body. Near the end a drop found its way out onto her arm. I cleaned it with my mouth and settled in next to her again. Thanking her, I held her close until she got up to use the bathroom one last time before bed.

When she returned, she did not come to bed empty handed, but smiled as she spied my body in the bed. Naked, the covers still thrown back from her getting up, my cock jutted upward, still throbbing and hard. “That’s beautiful” she said with her smiling body. And then I saw what was in her hands…

From Chloe: We went to bed fairly late last night after many rounds of “Cards Against Humanity” with friends. I was still a bit keyed up. Tired, but energized too. john on the other hand seemed sleepy. We entangled ourselves within the covers and I knew right away that I would be using him for sex. That is what I wanted… sex. A big cum, a big stretch, and a good sleep. He would be my fucktoy and I used him for exactly that.

Of course he was denied any hope of having a cum himself. He struggled with his composure, and my grinding and squeezing didn’t seem to help much. I wanted silence. I wanted to concentrate on my own thoughts, my own desires. He was ordered to be exactly what I wanted him to be… a silent, obedient, hard, thrusting cock that I would use and then toss aside when I was finished.

And pretty much, this is what I got. He had a few minutes of challenge, unable to fuck the way I wanted him to fuck, but eventually, he got the job done. When I was done riding those last, few blissful waves, he asked me for permission to beg to be allowed to cum. I slowly smiled, expecting this request from him. I granted permission, and he started to ask permission in whispered tones. I was not impressed. This was not begging. This did not sound desperate. It was far too polite and tame for my tastes.

I was harsh with him, practically growling at him to beg in earnest. Dammit, if he wanted a cum, then he had better earn the opportunity for me to even consider such a thing.

And so he did. I pulled him deep within me, started ordering him to fuck me deeper and harder, and demanded that he show me how hungry he was. He did… I could hear that desired quivering in his voice where composure and grit meet and clash. I wanted this from him. I wanted to hear it in his voice.

I told him no. I told him ‘absolutely, NO!’ There would be no cumming for him tonight. There would be no cumming for him for a long, long time. I told him the truth that he loves/hates to hear… that cumming for him is not something that will happen.

He whimpered. And I smiled. And my smile spread the more he whimpered.

I didn’t know that a smile could be heard. Not seen, but heard. And it was true, I was smiling at his discomfort. He told me as much. “I can hear your smile”, he said quietly, reaching over to feel my face, confirming his suspicion. It made me smile more… harder, louder.

And I thought about that… hearing a smile. I was smiling at his despair. I was smiling at his struggle. I was smiling because he is this beautiful puppet on my scratchy string, and I smile because he loves being there. I smile at his honesty about loving to hate what he loves and hates. It’s the denial. It’s the chase. It’s the power. It’s as though he gives me this gift of his desire for safe keeping, and I abuse it. I abuse him. I crumple up his requests in my fist and toss them aside. Doing so makes me smile. And my smiling makes him happy.

From john:What Madame wrote is all completely true in all its delightful playfulness.

We did retire to bed and I was sleepy. I had been in service all night. Making cocktails, serving food, cleaning up, doing my best to serve all of our friends. I knew she was pleased. And it probably brought us back from my rocky waking from our afternoon nap (I was cranky when I woke). So I took my cranky self and poured it into just serving my owner and our guests and we had a lovely wonderful time. Everyone was having simply beautiful warm house gathering. Nothing too loud, nothing too over the top. No big meal, just a bunch of small plates and beautiful cocktails. And then some Cards – which I never seem to do well with.

But we retired to our bed after the guests had left and roommates retreated to their own bedrooms. I cleaned up the bedroom as I waited for roommates to do their bathroom time, then finished off my night doing my bathroom tasks, returning to find her beautiful self all cuddled up among the seven pillows, the warmth of the electric blanket having warmed the bed from corner to corner and giving her a cozy cocoon to nest into.

I came sleepily to the side of the bed, collared myself and slipped to her side, but she was, as she indicated, still a little wired and soon I found myself kneeling in front of her and cleaning her while she lay back. She reached down to find out the status of her cock and with some disappointment in her voice asked “Isn’t he happy to be unlocked?”

“Of course, Ma’am. I’m just focused on my duties…” I mumbled out from between her legs.

“Get in there deeper” she told me as I cleaned her. “Stick it in there.” These words had their effect – the effect she knew she’d have on me. Soon her hand was grasping a full and hard cock. She directed my oral attention to her pussy now “Get it wet, nice and wet”. Her hand left my cock and grabbed at my head, pulling my hair and pulling me away from her pussy and down into the proper position for her to be fucked in just the way she wanted.

I lay back on the bed on my side, my legs entwined with hers, my cock positioned at her opening where she opened up to me and pulled me deeply with her leg. We both paused and just enjoyed the feeling of being coupled again, entwined, tangled, her enjoying the full feeling and I enjoying the beautiful warmth and grip of her. Her hand danced over her pussy and rubbed her clit in the way only she can find. She directed my fucking, ordering me to fuck her deeper and harder. I resisted, not out of disobedience but because I would not be able to keep from cumming if she persisted. Several minutes into this teasing, I started talking to her, complimenting her. Thanking her for letting me into her beautiful pussy, telling her how much I love to watch her cum, to be used by her and be part of pleasure. I think some of my words helped her, but she shushed me and just had me fuck her.

This is the nature of it, where I’ll be an itchy trigger finger in the first few minutes of sex, then I’ll get past it and be able to service her more suitably. Now I was able to be used by her more aggressively, more soundly. I fucked her as she wished, pushing deeply into her and grinding with her. Her fingers still danced, her hips ground, I fucked, she came. A nice big beautiful slowly built orgasm, all toppling down and around us both, falling in pieces on the bed and around the bed. She acknowledged my efforts… something like “Now that was a good fuck.”

“May I beg?” I meekly inquired.

“Oh, pup, you may.”

And so I did, sliding deep into her and asking “Please may I cum?”

And it was as she wrote, I didn’t start with earnest begging. But soon, my arousal increasing while she was still in the afterglow of her own pleasure, I was desperate to cum. She answered all my pleading with all the answers I expected. “Of course you’d clean it up!” “That’s only if I let you.” “Why should you spill?” “The only cum you’ll get is Marks as he fucks your throat.” “You’re hardly what I would call begging.” all these responses to drive my arousal, to hear me whimpering. That’s when I heard it. I whimpered, like a dog, with some words around the whimper, but the whimper is what she wanted. She had driven me into a desperate state and denied me and all to get me to this place – where I would be inside her, desperate to cum, yet denied and emit that whimper that she loves.

“I can hear you smiling.” I said. Her smiled grew – I heard it. I absolutely heard it. And it was almost as if she didn’t believe me. But I knew I was right and that she was still taking her pleasure from me. In telling me “no” while teasing me, that orgasm of hers carried on – pleasure from a different stimulus now. My cock throbbed, she smiled, she denied, she pulled me in with her leg.

I pulled out quickly “No! no no no no no no no” I lay back away from her, “no no no no no ” I hoarsely whispered. She knew I was at the ultimate edge. Without exaggeration, this was where a single word from her or a touch from her could send me over. I held my body tight, taut, tensed, I held my PC muscle as tightly as I could. The orgasm cycle was spinning up and relaxing would let it flow, so I held the muscle tightly. It felt like several minutes that I held the pose. Arched back, tight loins, breathing in short stabbing breaths, all waiting for it to slow.

Finally I was able to relax, loosening the PC, loosening my back, laying back, my cock throbbed and pulsed and a small dribble appeared on the head.

“Closest ever” I muttered. She knew it too. There were times where I had fallen off that edge. There were times when I was not quite to that pinnacle. But this, this one was a new peak. And she smiled. And she laughed. And she enjoyed torturing me, enjoyed using me and things were not over with her orgasm- after she had used me. Things were only over after she abused me too – tortured and teased me. Taken me all the way up and then watching me come crashing down in frustrated throbbing and begging. It wasn’t over until she was smiling and pulling me into her to spoon her, my hard cock nestled into her ass cheeks and to not feel release, but to feel her warm body in front of me as we drifted to sleep.

My dog crawling around on his hands and knees, seeking a treasure from the sea

I couldn’t resist choosing this as the title. I giggle at it, smiling at the memories that are revealed in the photos for this post, and those memories make me happy.

It’s been a challenging couple of weeks for my pup. I empathize with the curve balls life has thrown him. Nothing insurmountable, nothing that time and patience won’t heal, but still – pain in the ass stuff. Mostly around his car. And travel plans. And work. And logistics. All first world problems, we know. But still, we can feel it. It squeezes him much differently than I squeeze him. I dare say he likes My pressure much more than life pressure right now.

I’ve worked with care to keep him on a short leash during this time. My dog can have his day, but his upset is only allowed to go so far. He is not permitted to bring cranky into the bed. Like dust on a dog, he must shake it off before getting naked and jumping beneath the covers with me.

The other day we went to a small, local beach that is not widely known. It’s our secret gem right outside of the biggest city in the state. Being Maine, that isn’t too big of a thing, but still… it’s so wonderful to have it. It is really only accessible during low tide, and when the waters retreat, a beautiful little stretch of beach reveals itself to whose who know of its carefully hidden location. If there are 15 people on the beach, it’s crowded. It’s a place where almost anything goes. Small groups of adults will gather with a bottle of wine and a plate of nosh and watch the sail boats go by. Kids can strip down to their underpants and take a quick swim before heading home, and no one cares. And dogs are allowed off leash, at all times.

Nosh at secret beach

I took my boy there the other day. It was during the height of his crankiness. He probably would have rather stayed home, but I insisted that he come with me. We packed up and off we went. The tide was perfect, the day was stunning. And because dogs are permitted off leash, my boy was under strict orders to be under voice control at all times.

I got him up off his chair and ordered him to find a way to crawl around the beach area on his hands and knees. “But there are people here, all around us” my boy mildly protested. “I don’t care” was my reply. “Find a way to do it, and do it now” was my final answer.

And so he did.

Feigning a make believe interested in exploring up close the tiny sea critters that climb among the rocks when the tide is right, my boy crawled on his hands and knees. I was walking next to him, and to the average onlooker, it appeared as though my man was intently exploring some type of marine biology with intellectual passion, but really, he wasn’t. He was following my softly spoken commands.

If you’ve been a regular reader of this blog, you’ll know that we aren’t really into puppy play. It is somewhat rare that we actually do this sort of thing. We will use little, endearing dog references, but otherwise, puppy play is not our thing. But on this day, it was. I was enamored at the opportunity to play in public like this. It is one of my favorite things to do. Right out in the open, in public, for anyone to see, my boy was crawling around on his hands and knees, following the softly spoken orders that I gave him. No one seemed to notice. No one seemed to care. People walked by him, engaged in their own conversations, and occasionally someone would smile at the man on his hands and knees, exploring the rocks and seaweed, accompanied by a woman who was taking pictures. The only thing that could have made this better would have been to have him naked, with toy troy next to him. In my mind, and in my imagination, he was very naked. And collared. And leashed. Because even in a playground with few rules such as this one, it’s nice to have order.

Gift from the sea. The sand dollar that my boy found while digging, placed on his back, next to the brand I had placed on his skin a year ago.

My feet, and his hand, as he crawls near the rocks, digging and sniffing.

I know that the “never cumming again” thing is fantasy, but I’m okay sharing that fantasy with Madame. This morning I mentioned that I was going to lock up while she’s away for a couple days because I’m not entirely sure I can trust myself to be in bed alone without her there. I told her I was too horny to trust myself. I also told her I missed cumming. She admitted that she also missed my cumming.

He’s teased

So, sometime in the future, I’ll be cumming, but for now, I’m okay with playing the fantasy of “never again”. It’s still a fun story to tell and it gets me so highly aroused. Like this morning. When she teased my cock again. And again. And made me drip with my arousal.

And that’s more than okay. So, I’ll be locked until at least Saturday while she is away. Then on Saturday, I may unlock, as I have a two week time period where I will be in various living conditions and awkwardness may ensue. ;)

Last night, we made time to play together in bed. We had been out and about doing our own thing yesterday, came together in the middle of the day and then made our own little pub crawl, visiting three breweries/restaurants yesterday afternoon and evening. Settling into our nest of a bedroom, we watched a little TV and then started playing. It was one of those nights where we struggled for control. She incited me and I pinned her arms. I fucked her while I did this. She has trouble talking when I do it, which is more than half the fun. Soon she wrested control back and she was using me. My cock was too ready to explode, so I finished her with one of our most favorite dildos, fucking her very hard with it until she came.

You know when you have a bucket that is just full to the top? And you try and move that bucket? It’s going to spill, you’re aware of it, you know it, but just because it’s a bucket, it’s going to spill. The cock spilled too, as the balls are so very full, overfull. It was a beautiful lubricant for me to finish her with the dildo, but she insisted that she be cleaned up again after. She stroked me while I did so. Three more times I needed her to stop while she did so to prevent the bucket from being knocked clean over.

Then while lying beside her, she held tightly to my cock and balls while she talked to me. “That was nice, but what am I going to do with that cock of mine? It can’t fuck me the way I want.” She stroked her cock slowly. “It just seems you can’t use your cock on me the way I need it.” She squeezed my balls. “I like your begging. I really do. I love watching your face as you struggle.” She stroked my cock again.

“But struggle all you want. And beg all you want. You’re not going to cum.” She released my cock and rolled over on her side, her back toward me. “Pet me to sleep, slave.”

“Yes, Ma’am” I whimpered.

She continued talking. “I really do love using you, it’s fun. But I can get myself off without you. And you’ve already showed that your cock isn’t useful enough to me. But you never would have handled my pussy squeezing that cock. You would have spilled.” I pet her back and shoulders. “But you don’t have to worry about spilling that cum, love. I’m just not going to let you. There’s just no reason for you to cum, ever again.”

I don’t do caption photos, but this one seems to accurate. I just have to.

Ever again. EVER. AGAIN. It echoed in my head, my eyes welled up. I stroked her lower back and butt. I sobbed into the pillow. She spoke slowly and quietly. Each sentence with a pause at the end of it. A pause so that I could hear the echo of the hammer that just pounded that nail.

“No pup, there’s just no reason for it.

I don’t need it,

so it won’t be happening again.”

I sobbed into my pillow again.

“You know pup, it seems a shame that we never officially said good bye to your cumming.

We should have a ceremony, where we say good bye to your cumming forever.

We’ll have lots of friends and we’ll have a ceremony so all these friends of ours can say good bye to your cumming too.

That might be helpful to you, a ceremony to say good bye.”

She never indicated that I’d have a last cum during that ceremony, but I implied it, perhaps inaccurately. I humped my body against hers. She continued her slow methodical phrase by phrase talking.

“Go ahead, hump into me if you want,

push that hard cock into me,

but it’s not going to cum.

It doesn’t ever need to cum again.

Don’t worry, there will be cum for you.

It just won’t be yours.

It’ll be on your face,

you can lap it up off my tits,

and maybe if you’re very good,

out of my pussy.”

I rubbed her back and she fell asleep. I stopped humping against her and sobbed into my pillow, then fell asleep shortly after her.

She teased me again around 2:30 in the morning, using me for a little while, but then her talk of “ever again” came up, and I almost came, and she was done with me and put me back to bed.

This morning she told me “Last night was a lot of fun. I really enjoyed it.” I smiled. She saw my cock rise under the sheets. “You had fun too…” she looked down at me. I nodded at her. “I know, pup.” She grabbed my cock through the sheets. “I know.”

“I don’t last long when you talk about that, you know.”

She smiled. “I was only speaking the truth last night. Nothing but the truth.” She pumped my cock one or two times and stood up again from the bed. “Get up now and write about it, pup.”

And so I’ve written about it. And I’ve set this post to show up in a little while, after I’m at work and have stopped thinking about those words “ever again”. I’m still not sure whether it’s real or not. And I think that’s exactly what she expects.

Madame insisted we attend the “Dudes in Distress Orgy” which was hosted up in the Sex-o-rama (SOR). Since this is one of the areas we set up for camp, we like SOR – a lot. It’s special for us. Madame, myself and our toy-troy went up, Madame looking quite elegant and was towing her two boys on their leashes. Introductions were made by the hostesses of the event and we went around the room/tent introducing ourselves and what we might be interested in doing that night. I offered some suggestions of bondage and teasing. Happily and quite expectedly there were people there interested in doing some bondage and teasing. After introductions and ground rules were complete, we all kind of went off to try and connect with others. I had spied a long time friend of ours at the orgy, Tiny Terror (TT), and while we have spent many an hour around the circle of chairs by our cabin together, we’ve never really played together.

TT was looking beautiful, I’ve always found her attractive, but I think, perhaps, the age difference has prevented me from asking her to play prior to this. But there she was, smiling and attractive and there I was, dressed in naught but some leather chaps and a bow-tie, if I recall correctly. We did some quick negotiation and found ourselves a place to be. Without the toy bag, all I had to be tied up with was the leash, so she tied my arms behind me. I lay down on the liberator shape (big foam rectangle thing) with my legs over the edge and she proceeded to glove up and apply some lube, then tease the hell out of my cock for a while.

Naturally, being a teasing session, I wasn’t allowed to cum, but I would be able to have an orgasm, if I could make it happen. She had the traditional instructions for teasing me – if I say STOP, she has to stop and stop right then. I do let it get to the very edge and it can be dangerous to continue even one more stroke. Or whisper. Or tickle. Or whatever. Stop is stop. She liked this and she teased my cock deliciously. She also abused me, punching, slapping and hitting my cock and balls. Apparently I can take a decent amount of abuse to my balls, as she has lots of experience and was very pleased with the level of abuse she was able to dish out. And that fact made her smile. And that smile..

Well, let me give a little more information here. I prefer to have my glasses off when sexy times occur. I just don’t like them falling off my face and sliding around. So that often leaves me with impaired vision. This can be a nuisance at times, but in this case… I was on my back, resting on my tied up hands. She was at the other end of my body, down low, teasing and torturing. My focus was poor, but I could see those crimson lips as a beautiful flash of red. Her mouth drew me into her as she teased. I couldn’t help but stare at those beautiful lips, which, when she smiled were so entirely lovely. Her lips parted showing her teeth, surrounded by bright red smiling lips. Oh, what a joy. And she would get me very worked up and enjoy my struggling and she would smile and I would smile back at her. I know the most physical thing she was doing to me was with her hands, but the biggest mental game was that smile of hers.

A little lipstick can really make a mouth shine

I did end up finding an orgasm among all the teasing and torture she was doing. I am pretty sure I startled her with it as one doesn’t normally see men having orgasms without making a big mess, but indeed, it was a great orgasm and she was very happy to have teased me. I shared with her my perspective of the blurred image of her lips and her smile and she very much appreciated my telling her. She said she doesn’t often wear lipstick, so this was something she had done differently. And I think she just might do it more as a result.

It does go to show that often it can be the littlest of things that can turn a good scene into a great one. And in the case of this Tiny Terror, it was a little thing that made this Tiny thing even more terrorizing.

That’s what she asked this week while we were packing for camp. Our foray into the shared lives of 1000 kinky people and I haven’t come for over 100 days and this is what she asks me.

And I am not entirely sure I can do justice to my reply. It was a weak reply, I think, because I haven’t really have so much I could say, but time wasn’t on our side when she asked. And so, I decided I’d write about it. What is it? This question:

“Do you want to cum?”

Yes, Ma’am, I do. I don’t want to be in that fantasy world of “You’ll never come again! Mwahahahahahaahaha!” fantasy femdom. Nope. No thanks.

“Do you want to cum at camp?”

Well, okay, that’s different. Want? Erm, maybe.

“Maybe?”

So, here’s the thing. You’ve kept me from cumming for over three months. We’re certainly beyond casual denial. And here’s the biggest thing about that. I really do think that you really do enjoy denying me. When I practically shout out “STOP!” as you’re teasing me, you smile. You smirk. And then 20 seconds later you’re stroking your cock again and making me scream “STOP!” again. And you know that I don’t fake it. When I scream stop I mean it and you do. And that’s fortunate. Because…

I am perfectly fine with you owning my cumming. I leak, because, well, biology and we’re not going to stop having sex altogether. That’s not going to happen. And yet, you like teasing and tormenting me and I’m happy you like that. It fits us both well. I like the occasional tantric style orgasms I get. Thanks for those. They’re really amazing. Thanks for letting me. I don’t think you want to deny me pleasure – you just want to take away this whole “cumming” part of it.

I’m at the point in my mind where I can say “three months? Okay, well, you own it, it’s yours…” and really, it is. I’ve accepted that it’s yours and I want it to be yours. Please keep hold of it. Use it when you want to. Or don’t. It’s yours. But I just can’t be ignored – so there’s THAT on you. Denial by ignoring me won’t fly.

And then, also, there’s the idea of my weighing less than 200# by camp. I called it “starts with 1” and it was a goal, but I can’t imagine I’ll get there. After all, we leave Saturday and the Wednesday weigh in was still a few pounds shy of the goal. I ‘m not sure that I can make another 3.5 pounds before camp starts. Anyone that reads this might even suggest that were I to make that, it would be an unhealthy weight loss. I’d agree there’s a hazard there.

If we played the weight goal story line, you’d have a great reason to deny me at camp. “Oh, he’s a good boy, but he failed his goal, so we’re just going to tease him all week. He’ll go home with a tan, a locked cock and still his balls full of cum… but he missed the goal… ” I can play that one.

And then there’s the idea of the “Well, almost…” and I’m not sure Chloe knows of this part of chastity and denial fantasy land of mine. But the idea of a ruined orgasm isn’t something I’m sure she’s aware of. And I could easily see her finding out in detail, talking to people at camp and getting me well worked up and giving me an epic ruined orgasm. “Well, I hear that’s a ruined orgasm, did I do it right? ” she might smile. And I know she would. And I’d still be frustrated as all hell.

And then there’s the idea of actually joining with her, perhaps with the toy in our family doing something with us. But I’d be in her, we’d be fucking, and she’d let me cum. Finally, after over 100 days, she would finally say “yes” and I’d cum. And it’d be a long loud cum with lots of mess. And she’d make me (or me and her toy?) clean up after myself. But I want myself to spill without having to clean it up after – in whatever way she might make it happen.

But….

The bottom line on all of this is that yes, she owns my orgasms and ejaculations and I’m 100% okay with how she wants them to work out. And I would not think I would have a bad camp if I didn’t cum. Cumming is so very beyond where I’ve gone and where I am. It’s a beautiful and very fun part of our sex life, but it’s certainly not the end all be all of male sexuality. No, I’m very far past that belief by now.

I see both Chloe and I growing in our roles in this lifestyle. She coming more comfortable with her dominant self and I in my submissive self. And we’ve worked out good roles between us. And it seems to be working. I know that being the dominant in a relationship is not without it’s efforts. I don’t like to pressure her for certain things. And I know she respects my opinion, but I think we’ve both gotten into a level of our FLR that my opinion on ejaculating no longer matters. If I’m to be owned, this is one part of my life, like so many, where she should feel free to own it, dictate it, and decide whether it happens or not.

Madame, I thank you for asking me what I think about this. But you’ve kept me denied for this long and it is absolutely your call on whether or not I ejaculate. What I want out of our camp experience is fun and joy and beautiful naked time and fucking. And some play with our toybags too. But I want pleasure for all of us involved. And however you take that pleasure, well, I’ll be there to help in any way I can.

In the last line of john’s last post, he refers to me as a beautiful, sadistic, torturing bitch. I find that to be an enormous compliment, and I feel delighted that he sees me as that way. It IS how I see myself at times. It IS how I feel most of the time. And it DOES inspire more of the very same.

But my very first, initial response is to discredit the comment. My own personal saboteur (that bastard of a devil that sits on one’s shoulder and says we’re not good enough, not smart enough, and fills us with self doubt) can get in my way if I let it. That is often the struggle with me….not to let it. More and more, I am making that saboteur go away. I am chasing it away. And I am winning. The saboteur gets less attention and john gets more. It’s a “win-win” for everyone!

But this post is not about that. It is not about what I can’t do, but rather, what I can do. What I want to do. And how I delight in sadism.

I am sadistic. I don’t have to be this way, but more and more, it grows within me. Sadism is different things to different people, but we can all pretty much agree on a generic definition of it. My pleasure is sexual sadism. I am also a big fan of one fingered sadism. More on that in a moment.

I am finding more and more that my sadism comes in short bursts. I would much prefer to engage in 20 little moments of sexual sadism throughout a day and night, than to have one big moment. At this point, I think my boys’ body is trained to a biological rhythm. I get up early, and always have. At around 7:30am, I come into the bedroom each morning to start the process of waking him. john is a slow riser. It takes him time to wake up….his systems slowing rising through the depths of slumber.

I am the opposite, completely. The minute my eyes open, I am alert and at high levels of functioning. Our best kink is the morning because of this.

I will go into the bedroom at 7:30am, and john will be sound asleep. I can tell by his body, his breathing, that he is no where near waking. And yet, as I peel back the covers to reveal is naked and collared body, his cock will be completely erect. Hard as a rock. This is not a “need to pee” hard on. It is a hard on because his body has become attuned to varying amounts of morning torture that I inflict upon him almost daily.

I am not typically creative with my moments of morning torture. I don’t feel I need to be. Generally, though, there is a lot of nipple biting or pinching, cock pumping and squeezing. Certainly ball torture. That’s among my most favorite things. I love how full his balls become after 50 or 70 or 90 days of not being allowed to cum. The days in between his being allowed to cum are long. The torture of his parts and bits is daily.

And the one finger thing?? I can inflict a lot of discomfort with one finger. My hands are my most favorite toys. I keep my nails long and manicured. Not polished, but shaped. My hands can bring pleasure to my boy, and I can also make him cry. There are times when I have a certain look upon my face, and I hold up one finger to him, and he’ll start to retreat and whimper. Poor boy…..this only feeds my fire…..don’t you know that??

I would like my boy to have other experiences with torture. I am working on that. He has his lover, the very talented Lady J, who helps greatly to contribute to his suffering when opportunity permits them to get together. But finding something closer to home would be good too. I am actively working on that. In addition to bringing both t and p along in how I want them to serve, I have this to look forward to as well. And….then….well…I have my own private, sexy, scary, ventures I am considering. More on that within a few days.

I have several sticks in the fire. john should be careful….those sticks will burn when they become pressed against him.

Sometimes, it feels exactly like this. I am set up, I am ready, I run toward the goal and whoosh! The ball is gone!

Charlie Brown and Lucy

Of course, I’m talking about her denial of me. Last night after our time with T, she headed out to another meetup (vanilla), then came back and after a little bit of TV, we found ourselves in the tangled web of the beast with two backs. She was very enthused with her fucking, taking me in quickly and really enjoying it from the get go. Usually she takes more time to warm up. But last night, she was raring to go (no doubt the two naked men in the kitchen and the spanking helped!). Soon enough I felt her grabbing at me from within, her body shaking, her cries of orgasm freely floating through the air and occasionally her admonition to “press, press” – meaning I should just press my cock into her so her pussy can grab at it. Her orgasm stimulated my own, pushing me from a very aroused state up toward orgasm very quickly. I begged her. I beseeched her. I was almost crying in my desire and she very tersely and cruelly said “No. I’m DONE!” and she rolled over onto her left side, dislodging me from within her soaking wet pussy and leaving me struggling, so close to cumming. I whimpered, as a dog might do, for the treat that was so close. But she had made her decision. In no uncertain terms, she was denying me. She teased me a little with the idea of “There might have been a chance to cum with me, but that’s past. I’m done with you, fucktoy.” And yet, even with that measure of humiliation I still imagined her saying “If you’re that horny, you can lick my ass.” but even that didn’t come – just the admonition to stop humping at her and to relax.

Relax? How could I relax? We just had another man in the house, both of us naked and making dinner. She spanked another man while I did the dishes and I knew, without a doubt, that the moment that HE got the chance he was whipping it out and jerking off. I’m so entirely sure of it. She had left him with no orders for abstention, so I’m sure he took full advantage. And yet, here I was, giving her great pleasure and having served so well… and I am denied. And I was jealous. Absolutely. I knew I was jealous.

Pulsing cock is teased

And I know it was exactly what I want. And yet it wasn’t. I really DID want to cum. I could feel it. I could imagine it. I could taste it. And yet she left me without that release. And I thank her for it. And yet I would have so loved to cum too. Damned dichotomy of wanting exactly what I’m getting!

And this morning, there was more teasing as well. She climbed into bed with me and found a hard cock. This was not unusual, since I was stroking the cock while I was dozing in bed before getting up. She had good timing. And yet, she just teased me more. About a half dozen times to the edge and then some pain to wake me up instead of leaving me drowsy.

And here’s the biggest part of the post, I think. She really does enjoy it. She actually honestly enjoys taking her pleasure and then denying me. She enjoys rolling over after she cums and going to bed. She enjoys feeling my throbbing cock up against her thighs and ass, even maybe some dripping on her flesh. And I’m sure she’s smiling her way to sleep. And she’s becoming sadistic about it too, very much so. She does it not just to take her own pleasure, but to torture me.

I am one frustrated and dripping dog. She knows how to quickly build up the pressure again. And she knows how much I love it at the same time I dread it. And she just keeps doing it. I love her, that sadistic, beautiful torturing bitch that she is. ;)