November 12, 2012

What I did with my October: Falstaff, Opera Idaho. L-R: Elizabeth Ashantiva as Nannetta, Tiffany Calas as Meg, Leslie Mauldin as Alice, me as Quickly.

Can I just have a do-over for the first two weeks of November? (Well, except for Election Day; I don't think any of us wants to relive
that, whether you're estatic or desperate over the outcome). Despite having embarked on this month full of enthusiasm and armed with a plan, I quickly got bitch-slapped down to the ground with a weird combination of illness, injury, and exhaustion which leached my strength and endurance on every
level. Feeling poorly is never convenient, but my schedule since getting off the plane from Boise hasn't let up for a minute: immediate rehearsals and performances for Spotlight on Opera's Fright Night at the Opera, our supercool Halloween show; a trip to hurricane-ravaged New York just in time to slog to my auditions and lessons through a snowstorm; rehearsal and a performance of a fundraiser the day after I got back. There's no avoiding a lot of walking in New York, so the knee is mucho unhappy again, when it seemed to have been getting better. I mustered just enough energy to drag myself through everything, and still give what I thought were pretty good auditions, but each of these activities left me completely drained, and
I just have not been myself --- forgetting things, getting times wrong, unable
to put two words together in a coherent sentence.

8:15 p.m., Nola Studios, NY. Having slogged through the nor'easter to get to my audition, I pause here at the elevator to immortalize the moment, so you may all share in the glory and glamour that is the life of an opera singer. You 'll just have to take my word that under the duck boots and puffy coat, I was EXTREMELY glam.

So, there's my sob story, and to sum up, except for one or two good sessions before I headed out to NY and all the walking I did there, there has been NO exercise and my eating has, quite frankly, been lousy.

One of my friends has recently been ultra-stressed, studying for comps and trying to maintain a workout routine, and at some point, she just gave herself permission to let it for for a short time while she concentrated on her studies. As disapppointed as I am with my lousy start to November, I'm making an executive decision not to beat myself up and not to make myself crazy trying to "catch up". In fact, although I am feeling a lot better, the truth is I am still tired and my knee is still pretty jacked up, and the really healthy thing to do right now is probably to give myself a break on the working out for a few more days at least. But I CAN concentrate on healthy eating.

Here's the good thing: you can start over again, as
many times as you need to, whenever you need to. It all counts. And there's still time to make sure the holidays are healthy.

So, do-over. And if you need one, you can have it too. You can start right this instant, even if you just had a gigantic piece of chocolate cake and a triple pumpkin spice latte with extra whipped cream for breakfast. Who's with me?

November 02, 2012

I am so lucky to have supportive friends and colleagues! Last week, a colleague literally saved my performance by opening her PT clinic and arranging a therapist to work on my knee. This week, as I start my Healthy Holiday Challenge, a colleague has gone to the trouble to record a video to show me some exercises I can do, seated, and still burn some calories. It's five sets of exercises that you do for 2 minutes each, with 30 seconds of rest in between; you repeat the whole thing three times. I am going to alternate this with the dreaded stationary bike until my knee is better.

I tried the workout yesterday and it was good. Like anything else, if you do it with intensity, you're going to burn calories. I also came in a little below my calorie goal for the day. Booyah.

But now fate has thrown another little obstacle in my path: I'm getting sick. It's already throwing a wrench in my plans, foodwise --- the last thing you want to do when you're not feeling well is count calories --- but I'm determined to stick to my plan.

Getting sick, even with a cold, is a big deal for a working singer. Most
of the time we're play-for-pay, meaning we get paid to PERFORM, not
REHEARSE; so a singer could be on the road for four weeks, rehearsing a
show and spending money on food, etc., get sick, not be able to sing a
performance, and not get paid for that performance. Or, we might have to cancel an audition when we've already bought an expensive plane ticket. You can see how that
might be a problem. You can also see how this leads to paranoia on the
part of singers, when it comes to being around other people's cooties.

Singers are big on home remedies, anyway. Homeopathy tends to work a bit slower, but it also has fewer potential side effects that can affect your singing and vocal health. For example, many singers avoid products like Advil because it's a blood thinner and can contribute to vocal hemorrage (bleeding of the vocal cords --- not very conducive to singing). So most of us have a bag of tricks when we start to feel poorly.

For instance: sore throat, my current woe. Now, you can sing over a sore throat as long as you're not hoarse; and there are things you can do to help avoid or combat inflammation (which is what makes you hoarse).Of course, there's gargling with salt water ("As hot as you can stand it!" my mom used to insist). But a much more pleasant alternative is pineapple and ginger. Both contain bromelaine, a natural anti-inflammatory which not only soothes on contact, but also aids digestion. So fresh pineapple, pineapple juice, and ginger tea are all great for sore throats. Coconut is especially hydrating, so the combination of pineapple and coconut juice is a delicious (but alas! high calorie) remedy. A lot of singers also swear by slippery elm throat lozenges, syrup, and tea. I'm not a fan of the taste, which is sort of sickly-sweet. I prefer elderberry syrup, a traditional medicine used to treat a variety of respiratory ailments, and said to boost immunity. I like Sambucol Brand (especially when I can find the sugarfree version) which I find instantly relieving.

As soon as I start feeling icky, I go into my routine. Extra Vitamin C, as much extra water as I can stand, as much extra rest as I can get. Water is especially good if you have any kind of mucous-producing ailment, such as a cold or bad allergies. Mucous dripping on the vocal cords helps cause inflammation, which makes you hoarse. So anything you can do to thin it out --- i.e. pour liquids down your throat til they seem to be going straight through and out the pipes on the other end --- helps, and it also helps flush out the cooties. Dairy products make mucous thicker, so they're to be avoided during this time of trial (milk substitutes should be fine, though, so no one has to miss out on the healing properties of a good latte or ice cream). A lot of singers use neti pots to flush out their sinuses, but I am not a fan. For one thing, it sounds really uncomfortable, and they've also been linked to infection, so you have to be very careful. I prefer to use one of those little steamers you can buy for your face. They're cheap and available at most drug stores. The steam is soothing and opens up your clogs.

Chicken soup has long been used as a homemade curative for illness, and there's even science to back it up. When I was sick as a kid, Mom used to crack open a can of Campbell's Chicken Noodle or, better yet, Chicken and Stars (the same thing, but the noodles were tiny stars! What's not to love?). But these days, I gravitate towards my favorite Thai soup, tom kha khai, extra spicy. I have no idea if it actually helps but it always makes me feel better. Plus the spices make your nose run (which is good, if you're trying to unclog). Sadly, my very favorite place for tom kha khai closed last year, and I am still searching for the good stuff. Hot and sour soup is a decent substitute, if I can't find tom kha khai that makes me happy. (Both have those cute little straw mushrooms, which I love).

Anyway, soup shall be the answer to my calorie dilemma --- both tom kha khai and hot and sour are pretty decent nutritionally and not over the top on calories (especially if you make them yourself). Heck, even chicken noodle isn't so bad, though I'd rather have avgolemono (aka Greek lemon chicken soup. Do yourself a favor and get some, if you've never had this. It's the bomb). I'd get some right now if it weren't 5 a.m. Instead, I'm going to try to go back to bed and indulge in another highly successful homeopathic remedy: puppy cuddle therapy.

October 31, 2012

Tomorrow, a new challenge begins --- the Healthy Holiday Challenge, sponsored by a FaceBook group I'm part of, Larry Brownlee's Fit Club. This is a group of singers and friends who encourage and challenge each other, and exchange information. It's a great idea to help us all get through the holidays enjoying ourselves without guilt!

The challenge is this: set a daily calorie intake for the entire 61 days from November 1 - January 31. During this time, you get five "free days" during which you can exceed your daily limit, essentially taking a "day off". You also select five days to come in lower than your daily limit. And you plan to increase your activity level during entire 61 day period.

Opening night of Falstaff in Boise, Idaho. I am in the storage/locker room in the basement of the historic Egyptian Theater. Built in 1927 as a cinema, it has no dressing rooms to speak of!

That last part is going to be a bit of a challenge for me, thanks to an adventure I had on opening night of Falstaff. Falstaff is a very physically active comedy, with a great deal of running around (especially for my character, Dame Quickly, who is a sort of go-between). In my very first scene, going up a flight of stairs, I felt a wrench that went from below my knee all the way up to my hip. The next step was excruciating. It's a very good thing I wasn't singing when it happened, because it would have come out as a yelp! As it was, I was able to take a deep breath and make my next vocal entrance as if nothing had happened, and limped through the rest of the scene (literally), but the moment I got offstage I had to call for a chair, ice, Advil, and a bandage. Within minutes my knee was so swollen I could no longer bend it. And naturally, this happened on a Friday night.

Close-up of the makeup and the back of the costume. My jaunty little hat got rave reviews.

I got through the rest of the performance, limping and modifying my staging somewhat, but I did not sleep well that night. It hurt to lift or move the leg laterally, and it was badly swollen. On Saturday, I went to Urgent Care, which proved fairly useless. The doctor said I either had a bad sprain or a torn ligament, and offered X-rays "to rule out anything else", an Ace bandage which was not wrapped sufficiently to give any support whatsoever, and a type of pain medication I'd never heard of and wasn't willing to try, given that I had another performance on Sunday. Other than that, she had no advice other than to continue what I was doing --- RICE, aka Rest-Ice-Compression-Elevation --- and to get an MRI.

Luckily, one of my colleagues and her husband are locals who own a chain of physical therapy centers called Rehab Authority. She arranged for one of their best therapists, Heather Henderson, to meet with me on Saturday evening. And Heather was a miracle worker. She worked on me for two hours and got the inflammation down, the knee to bend, and me to be able to walk, carefully, without pain. On Sunday, with care and a good brace, I was able to do the show much more comfortably.

On Monday it was a long and frustrating day of travel, beginning with our flight being canceled due to fog. We were rebooked on a later flight which was delayed three or four times, and when we finally got out, the "premium" seats I paid for ended up being bulkhead window seats without enough leg room to full extend my leg. This was a problem. Luckily, I was seated next to an extremely kind (and tall) young man who offered to switch places with me. I'd already experienced another very painful wrench earlier in the day, when I moved too quickly to catch something that was falling, a good reminder that even with improved mobility and less pain I need to be careful.

So, I have set my calorie intake goal and dedicated myself to this challenge, but I am not sure how much cardio I'm going to be able to do! Elliptical would work but I'm not currently a member of a gym. I may be stuck with the stationary bike, which I don't really care for. However, I am determined to heal my leg and get back into fighting form so I CAN really step it up. In the meantime, the Healthy Holiday Challenge is the perfect way to really enjoy the holidays and rev up for a happy, healthy new year.

October 25, 2012

The other night,some colleagues and I were sitting around enjoying a post-rehearsal glass of wine. This is a pretty fit bunch, over all. Several of the guys do P90X, and I'm constantly running into the tenor at the gym.

The soprano is a tall, willowy sort with a very athletic figure (despite three kids!); the type of body many women strive for and envy. She has a figure that can still handle the type of jeans teenage girls wear. I forget how we got on the subject, but we were talking about eating healthy and our various struggles with weight. I once again found myself surprised that slender, athletic people struggle with food and weight, too! Intellectually I know this, of course, but it always manages to surprise me anyway.

I continue to struggle with my feelings about my own body, weight, and what is truly healthy for me at this particular point in my life. Where is the balance between physical health and emotional health? If I work out regularly and watch what I eat, is that good enough even if I don't like the number on the scale or the tag on my clothes? Is relaxing my regimen from time to time cheating, or is it doing what I have to do to keep from stressing and obsessing?

My costume for Dame Quickly in Falstaff at Opera Idaho. This photo was taken in the basement storage/locker room of the Egyptian Theater where we're performing. A former silent movie house, it has no dressing rooms to speak of!

These types of thoughts run like a ticker tape in the back of my mind whenever health and fitness talk comes up, and this time was no exception. And then something happened that, for the moment at least, completely stopped it.

My colleague leaned across the table and said, "You know, you have the cutest figure!"

I was, needless to say, very pleasantly startled and flattered; no one has ever accused me of such a thing before. I thanked her and told her a bit about my weight loss and ongoing struggles. She very kindly said, "You look great now. When you were singing that Dalila aria the other night at the aria auction, you were so sensual! And you just looked great."

Well, this was just balm to my soul. Why is it that we are so susceptible to the compliments and criticisms of others? Nevertheless, these kind words did give me encouragement. I feel encouraged to keep up with my workouts (been going to the gym, hiking, or jogging on the greenbelt trail nearly every day). It gives me encouragement to continue to eat healthy most of the time, and not to worry too much if I slack off or take a WHOLE DAY OFF like I did earlier this week. It gives me encouragement to allow myself to be more comfortable in my own skin.

.. and back, with a close-up of the makeup. They used my own hair instead of wigging, too. om b

That's a powerful gift, from a few little words.

Let me leave you with this. Today, and every day, let's just be gorgeous and not worry about it. Deal?

October 15, 2012

For the past week, I've been in Boise, ID where I am rehearsing for Falstaff with Opera Idaho. It's my second time singing with this company; the first was in spring 2010, when I came out to do Daughter of the Regiment and discovered what a lovely part of the country this is. Boise is a great place to spend time, and now in the fall, the weather is actually nicer than it was in the early spring when I was here last! We've had balmy, sunny days, decorated by the emerging fall color. Since we don't usually begin rehearsals until afternoon, that leaves the morning free for my workouts, and I've been taking advantage of the gorgeous Boise River Greenbelt.

It's a spectacularly beautiful greenbelt, winding along the banks of the river, through isolated wooded areas and parks, across bridges big and small, behind businesses and houses.

Fortunately for me, the trail, though well-used, it also fairly isolated. And this is fortunate because, in an effort to get the most cardio/calorie burning potential from my walks, I have taken to performing an activity I shall henceforth refer to as "groove jogging". This involves high BPM tunes on the IPod, moving as many body parts as possible in time to the music, and a complete lack of shame. It may or may not incorporate kickboxing, Zumba, white girl dancing (think Elaine from Seinfeld), and actual jogging. Thanks to ongoing issues with my knee and ... well, seems like most of my lower body ... I can't really run, although with such a beautiful trail, I'm itching to. But I can jog gently, and pump my arms to add cardio benefit. So that's what I'm doing.

We are fortunate to have been given gym passes to the local Anytime Fitness, so I've also made a couple of trips there to spend time on the elliptical and treadmill. With afternoon rehearsals, there's really no excuse not to work out! And it feels very good to be active again, after having taken several days off prior to the trip. I also spent one afternoon leaping about in the neighborhood park --- push-ups, jumping jacks, kickboxing, any and every cardio move I could think of --- just to get moving. But frankly, when the weather is this beautiful, nothing beats the greenbelt.

If all this natural beauty weren't enough, there's a terrific farmer's market downtown on Saturdays. The most beautiful produce and wonderful crafts.

Meanwhile, when I'm not out enjoying the local beauty and goodies, I'm in rehearsal or attending opera-related events. Our director, David Cox, emailed the cast before we showed up here with the very accurate warning that this is a VERY active show. "Keep up with your cardio!" he admonished us, and quite right. We are all running hither and yon, and singing at the top of our lungs while doing it --- this is, after all, a madcap comedy. Opera, done correctly, IS aerobic exercise, and even more so when it's a show with a lot of movement!

Boise is a great town for good food, and it's near and dear to the hearts of the opera folk here, too. The general director of the compaby, Mark Junkert, is known for his cooking, as is his wife Kathy. After our very first musical read-through, they invited us over for a delicious meal of African-inspired dishes, and I am happy to say they were all very healthy. There was a dahl ( a bean dish, very similar to the better known Indian version ), a delicious seafood stew flavored with coconut milk and cardamom; and roast pork with a raspberry sauce. Amazing! I begged a copy of the seafood stew recipe and plan to make it as soon as I get home.

On Friday night, we were invited to a fundraiser for the opera called the Aria Auction. This is a lovely dinner (catered by Open Table) with a silent auction of goods, followed by a raucous auctioning off of arias provided by the cast of the current opera. Some kind people actually paid $800 to hear me sing "Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix" --- well, no pressure, right? We raised a nice sum of money for the opera company and enjoyed the dinner the caterers saved for us afterwards --- a delicious salad with some kind of light vinaigrette and cranberries; very tender strips of beef over egg noodles, a wonderful eggplant lasagna, and a light, un-iced almond cake which was just to die for.

On Saturday, a couple of the singers who live locally invited us to their home for an informal get together, and served salsa, chicken, and veggies with produce from their backyard garden. And tonight, we went to some board members' homes for a wonderful meal of salmon flavored with fennel and other herbs, topped with pickled red onions, over mashed potatoes. It was as fine as you'd get in any restaurant. So you see, people in these parts know (and love!) their food.

See why I have to hit that trail every day? Tomorrow, bright and early, the gym!

October 04, 2012

Today is grocery shopping day, and last night as I approached my pantry shelves, there did not appear to be much in the way of fixins' for dinner. That is a personal challenge to my cooking skills, and so I rustled up what turned out to be some of the best vegetarian chili I've ever made, plus some cornbread ('cause you got to have cornbread with chili).

Wish you could smell this!

Like all my recipes, ingredient amounts are guesstimated. You've been warned. However, near as I can tell, this recipe makes about 5 hearty servings which weigh in at a whopping 224 calories each. Now you can't beat that, because one serving WILL fill you up. Here goes.

In a large pot, heat the olive oil and sautee the onions with a little salt, until brown. Add mushrooms and carrots and continue sauteeing until soft and fragrant. Add garlic and sautee until it, too, is brown.

Add mushroom broth, tomatoes, seitan, and chili powder and stir well. Let it come to a boil and reduce about 1/4 of the way.

Remove 1/3 to 1/2 of the chili and place in a blender or food processor (you could also use an immersion blender). Process just a few seconds, until a thick, still chunky sauce forms. Pour it back into the chili pot and stir. Add hickory salt to taste.

Serve up with hot cornbread and crumble a little into your chili. Mmmmmmmmm.

BTW, although not generally a fan of mixes, there are a few I trust and I like both Hodgson Mills and Bob's Red Mill products. I used a Hodgson Mill cornbread mix (you add an egg, a little honey, a little oil, and water) to make a delicious batch of cornbread.

October 03, 2012

On one of my singer's groups on FaceBook, there is a debate raging over --- get this --- whether or not it's kosher to go bare-legged on stage. There is the "Tacky-Tacky-Tacky!" contingent, and there is the "Uh, this ain't the 1950s" contingent (of which I am a stauch supporter).

As ridiculous as this all sounds, let me provide a little background for the non-opera folks among my readership. A great deal of attention is given to how we present ourselves professionally at auditions, which after all are job interviews; and a big part of the job is to attend patron parties and sometimes small in-house recitals, looking spiffy. In shorthand: appearances count. However, there is a LOT of silliness out there about what opera singers should and shouldn't wear to an audition or for a concert. No open-toed shoes! No pants unless you're a lyric mezzo who sings trouser roles! No purple in an Italian opera house! Pantyhose at all times! No bare shoulders! No prom dresses (well, that one I agree with, and some of the others as well)!

I understand the frenzy, being a singer who sits on the judging side of the table as well. It's appalling what some people think is appropriate to wear outside the house, let alone to a professional event like an audition; but the bottom line is, you need to look AND FEEL put together, professional, and sassy. That means different things to different people, of course. And some of those people need a gay friend and a closer relationship with Spanx, just sayin'. But the absolute bottom line is that if you don't look and feel good for yourself, you won't project the image you want, anyway.

That goes for everybody, not just performers.

I've been shopping for a cocktail dress and a couple of dressier outfits to wear to the aforementioned patron dinners and events with my own opera troupe (where I'm the mama and have to stand up in front of the audience and give spiels). It's been really frustrating. I can't find ANYTHING I like right now, and that's not because there aren't pretty clothes out there, but because I don't like the number on the tag right now. And, well, yes, because formal wear for any other than the tiny tends to err on the side of extreme frump.

I was getting so frustrated that I finally had to force myself to ignore the size and try it on anyway. Then I felt stuck in limbo, because everything seemed too baggy. I bought a couple of things --- casual items, not what I was shopping for --- and went home discouraged.

Time to go back and shop my own closet, where I was happy to find that one of my old cocktail dresses still looks fine, and by getting creative with what was already in the closet --- and paying careful attention to proportions --- I was able to come up with a couple of other outfits that will work. In fact, I wore one to the second performance of Spotlight's weekend concerts, and I haven't gotten so many compliments in a long time! It was a sassy black skirt from Chico's, in a nice flowy material with a flounce in the front; paired with a slinky black top with cutout shoulders and a great belt. It looked like a dress, put together, and I realized that it could easily be dressed up or down. It'd be a great day outfit worn with a jeans jacket and boots and a big chunky necklace; for the afternoon concert look, I paired it with pumps and a jet necklace.

It was the belt that made all the difference, though. It accentuated my small waist, and I swear it took 10 pounds off right then and there. A belt. Which I'd given up wearing years ago because they made me feel fat. Suddenly, I'm belting everything, and it amazes me how much better I look when the clothing I'm wearing skims my body. I was never big on belting cardigans but suddenly, they went from Mr. Rogers to casual chic. Anything that adds a lot of style and makes you feel snazzier without having DONE much of anything is a winner in my book.

This probably shouldn't come as news to anybody, but hiding in your clothes doesn't work. It makes you look and feel frumpy and that takes a mental toll. So does wearing nothing but sloppy (some people call them "comfy") clothes all the time and never doing your hair or makeup. Fixing yourself up a bit just makes you FEEL good.

One of the best things you can do for yourself and your look is to make sure your clothes FIT. For ladies, that means investing in a good bra and checking it on a regular basis. And BTW, for most of us, good bras aren't pretty. (Sorry, men who like that sort of thing). A good bra gets the girls where they're supposed to be so they look good under clothing. Go to a no-nonsense, old-fashioned lingerie store like the Town Shoppe in New York. Get a fitting from someone who knows what she's doing. (Hint: she may very well have a measuring tape around her neck). They will hook you up, no pun intended. While you're there, bite the bullet and pick up some shapewear.

Make sure your dresses and pants hems and sleeves hit you at the right place (aka, for most people, NOT at the fattest part of your leg/arm/what have you). Do the same for shirts --- you don't want the hem hitting you at the widest part of your hips. Just above or just below is usually better. Spend some time looking in a full length mirror --- three way if you can manage it --- and playing with different outfits to see what really looks good on you and what doesn't.

That's what I've been doing this week, as I pack for Boise. A fun added dimension to the challenge is fitting everything I need into ONE suitcase, to avoid having to pay extra. I've been trying every outfit on, tweaking it with accessories, making sure each item goes with two other things. And suddenly I feel a lot better about my wardrobe, and how I'll be able to present myself in stylish and yet comfortable clothing. Makes all the difference in the world.

September 30, 2012

Women's magazines are not usually a source of inspiration for me, considering how most of them exist for the sole purpose of encouraging women to buy really expensive stuff by making them feel too old, too fat, too ugly, too imperfect, too-too-too and yet somehow never enough. Sure, they're full of articles about empowerment, which are sandwiched in between ads for $100 anti-aging face creams modelled by airbrushed fourteen-year-olds and spreads of designer clothing on teenaged girls who collectively weigh less than one of my thighs. Not to mention that I cannot imagine a situation in my life, real or fantasized, where a $1000 handbag would be considered a "must have". Especially if I had to be put on a waiting list to get it. In fact, the only designer item I can truly admit to lusting after is a pair of classic black, red-soled Christian Louboutain pumps. Now those, I would go to some lengths to get. Assuming I could find a pair that fit my giant feet.

Like these. These would be good.

But I digress. Women's magazines are by and large the enemy of self-esteem, which sadly doesn't prevent me from reading them from time to time. After a lifetime of being too big and too poor for most of their sartorial offerings, I've learned to breeze right past most of the so-called fashion advice and actually --- gasp --- read the articles. And there are a few magazines I actually really like, such as More, which is after all not targeted to teeny boppers with more disposable income than I make in a year (although I continue, perhaps unfairly, to scoff at their "This is what 47 looks like" feature. This is what 47 looks like ... with a facelift, I frequently snort). But it was in More than I discovered something that actually was empowering, in an article entitled "Look Better With Age: 20 Real Women's Secrets". It doesn't credit the real women who are quoted, but maybe that's because these are SECRETS, y'all. Nevertheless, several of them spoke to me.

"At about 40, I stopped comparing myself to other women, worrying about whether they were cuter, dressed better, whatever."

"When I was 25, I was always copying some other physical ideal. Now I realize it's better to be a first edition of myself."

"I actually appreciate the little 'extra' me I have now; I have more curves."

"I take much better care of myself now than I did in my twenties."

And perhaps the corker:

"I've decided that I'm no longer fat --- just easier to see."

This is all the kind of reinforcement I --- and most women --- need to hear. These quotes inspired me, and hooked in with some amorphous thoughts that had been floating around in the back of my head for some time, never quite forming up into something recognizable as an idea. In my ongoing struggle with food, weight, health, and --- let's face it --- identity in this phase of life, perhaps it's time to put some serious effort into not worrying so much. Like this weekend, when I am scheduled to sing a sexy duet on a concert. I want to do it and own it, but there is always a part of me that whispers, "You'll look ridiculous." I usually ignore this nasty little voice and do it anyway, but it's always there, all the same.

A couple of friends, who read this blog, posted more positive reinforcement on my FaceBook page in response to my previous post about fitness over fatness. Jessica wrote (thank you, Jessica!) "I've seen you at a variety of weights, and for
more than a year now, when I look at you, I don't see a fat person. I
see a shapely, healthy woman, with great curves, a full life and a go
get'em attitude. I think you need to strike 'fat' from your set of
personal definitions."

God, I wish I could. I wish I could be more like Balpreet Kaur, a young Sikh woman who happens to have facial hair. This is a pretty incredible story --- someone snapped a photo of her and posted it on Reddit with the intention of making fun of her. But friends of Balpreet pointed the post out to her. She wrote an wonderful response that every one of us can learn from, especially we Western women with all our obsessions about our looks. " ... baptized Sikhs believe in the sacredness of this body - it is a
gift that has been given to us by the Divine Being [which is
genderless, actually] and, must keep it intact as a submission to the
divine will," wrote Balpreet. " Just as a child doesn't reject the gift of his/her parents,
Sikhs do not reject the body that has been given to us. By crying
'mine, mine' and changing this body-tool, we are essentially living in
ego and creating a seperateness between ourselves and the divinity
within us. By transcending societal views of beauty, I believe that I
can focus more on my actions. My attitude and thoughts and actions have
more value in them than my body because I recognize that this body is
just going to become ash in the end, so why fuss about it?"

(By the way, the person who posted Balpreet's photo wrote a very heartfelt apology).

I don't know if it's possible, given the standard American upbringing, the constant pressures of society, and the nature of my job as a performer, to completely release my attachment to looks. But I am inspired this week to at least try to own who I am right now, at this stage of life, to be the best I can be in every capacity, and to seek to be at peace with my body. Obsession isn't healthy. Beating oneself up isn't healthy. And, in the end, seeking true health is the very best thing you can possibly do for yourself, because it will affect every aspect of your life.

September 26, 2012

Health at Every Size advocates must be rejoicing over the recent New York Times article (brought to my attention by reader and former voice student Natalie) reporting on a spate of recent studies which seem to conclude that being fat and fit really is healthier than being lean and unfit.

Fat has so long been hailed as the nemesis of all things healthy, the gateway to diabetes, heart disease, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and a host of other ailments. So it's surprising and, in a way relieving, to read studies that are essentially saying, "All things being equal, fitness counts for more than fatness".

These studies reveal what doctors are calling the "obesity paradox": overweight patients who become ill with a host of ailments often associated with obesity actually have a better chance of surviving than thin patients with the same issues. Patients with heart disease, high cholesterol, stroke, high blood pressure, kidney disease, heart failure, and even diabetes all have a better chance of surviving the ravages of their illnesses if they are overweight.

The article quotes Glenn Gaesser, director of the Healthy Lifestyles Research Center at Arizona State University, as saying, "More often than not, cardiovascular fitness is a far more important
predictor of mortality risk than just knowing what you weigh. " Older, longterm studies such as the famous Framington Heart Study fail to take into account the fitness of patients and the amount of physical activity they engage in. Newer studies are showing that regular aerobic exercise decreases fat in the liver, which in turn reduces the strain on the metabolism.

So, while it's good news --- simply being fat doesn't mean you can't have a good level of fitness --- it shouldn't be used as an excuse to throw in the diet towel. Overweight does put extra strain on your body, especially your joints. You move more easily at a lighter weight. You may be less likely to develop some of the ailments associated with obesity.

It gives me hope, though, as I struggle through this next chapter in my fitness life, as I try to come to peace with my body and my feelings about my looks, which are as strongly influenced by the march of time (in hobnail boots across my face, thank you very much) as they are by the number on the scale or on my jeans. I work out almost every day. I am proud to have developed an exercise habit and to be in better shape than I was many birthdays ago.

When I get discouraged, I remember the words of my kickboxing instructor in Miami --- "You're STRONG." No, I wasn't as fast as the other women in the class. They left me in the dust when we jogged. I couldn't do as many burpees, and mine weren't elegant. But I could do them. I can do full-on push-ups. I can do jumping jacks. I can hold a plank.

Recently, I got an email from the director of the opera I'll be singing next --- Falstaff, with Opera Idaho. It's a madcap comedy featuring a quartet of women who get the better of all the bumbling men in their lives, and there's a lot of action. The director warned us that this will be a VERY active show, lots of running around --- and that's on top of singing at the top of your lungs. Opera is aerobic even if you aren't chasing madly about the stage. "Do your cardio before you get here, "he admonished us.

So I had a little laugh at that. Cardio? Bring it on. Racing all over the stage singing over 10 other soloists and an orchestra, while wearing a costume that weighs an extra 10-20 pounds, plus corset and heels? BRING IT.

I want to be slender and fit, but until I can be that, fat and fit it is.

September 21, 2012

There's just no way to say this and have it sound good, so I'll just spit it out.

As much as I love the flexibility of being self-employed, sometimes I'm jealous of women whose husbands have 9-to-5 jobs. It's not that I don't love spending time with my husband. It's just that I almost NEVER get to the house to myself. And let's face it, there's just something delicious about being able to hang out in your own home and do everything exactly the way YOU want to do it exactly WHEN you want to do it. Not to mention being able to hog the TV.

That's what I've been doing for the last couple of weeks, while Eric has been in France, visiting his mother. Starting projects and leaving a mess lying around, finishing when I'm ready. Eating weird meals, on no other schedule than when I'm hungry. Loading the dishwasher the way I like to load it. Glamourous, exciting stuff like that.

On those rare occasions when I have the house to myself, I get a lot done. It makes me all domestic. I clean things that haven't been cleaned since ... well, the last time Eric went out of town. I organize stuff, like my desk and filing cabinet and the pantry. I study music, practice, write schedules, work on concert programming for my opera troupe, catch up on my articles for Classical Singer, work out, teach --- all stuff I do every day, but now I can do it like the Gemini I am, 10 minutes here and 10 hours there, depending on how obsessed I'm feeling.

For the last two weeks, it's been all about the yard and the fall garden. I've never had one before, and for the past two summers I haven't been around to plant a spring/summer one, so it's very exciting. Also, amazing exercise. There was quite a bit of weeding to be done; then it all had to be dug up and turned. Then, a trip out to my favorite local nursery, The Natural Gardener, to purchase decomposed turkey poop, aka compost.

At Natural Gardener, you can bag your own soils/composts/mulches and pay less. You buy, or bring, your own bags; head up to the soil yard, and get friendly with a bucket and shovel. On this particular day, there was no one in the soil yard but yours truly and an older gentleman, loading up some soil into his pickup. It was hot, and I was wearing short and a tank top, hair wadded up on top of my head, sweaty, not the picture of glamour. Shoveling turkey poop.

And that's when the silver fox, several piles down, hollered at me, "Put your back into it, baby!" Pretty soon he wasn't working any more; he was watching me work and flirting. At least until his wife and grandson got back from the restroom. Well, you know, I'll take it where I can get it.

It's pretty good exercise, all that shoveling and then wrangling those 40+ pound bags into the car and out again. Hauling them to the backyard, dumping them in the garden, digging them in. I had to wait another week before I could go back out and buy seedlings, but I amused myself by purchasing succulents at the farmer's market and potting them in an old soda crate ...

Before ...

... after.

... and doing lots of work on my long-neglected yard. Although it is emphatically NOT the season to be pruning roses, given the choice between hacking through the rosy jungle threatening to consume the front of the house, and waiting until the next authorized season (February), I decided to go for it. There were plenty of other bushes that needed attention, too, most notably our monstrous evening primrose. So, I spent about nine or ten hours pruning, sacking, and hauling. The roses are already starting to pay off with fall blooms:

Dame de Coeur

And then it was back to Natural Gardener, with my mom in tow, to get seedlings. But first, we had to tour the Butterfly Garden:

Firecracker plant, with a beautiful yellow butterfly

And of course, the goats, donkeys, and chickens, where we met this extradorinarily handsome fella:

He had quite a harem, too!

Then, and only then, were we free to peruse the veggies. I came home with broccoli, cauliflower, lettuce, brussels sprouts, artichokes, chard, peas, bok choy, mustard greens, and a few snapdragons for color. All new to my garden, except the lettuce, so I am excited to see how it grows!

My little garden!

Now, the really awesome thing about all this yardwork is that it DOES burn the calories --- close to 400 an hour, depending on what you're doing. So I laid off the workout videos for a couple of days. That's a double-edged sword, right there, because I'm having a hard time gearing myself up to get back to them.

See, I'm getting tired of it all again -- feeling pressured to work out and watch my calories. I know if I don't, I'll regret it deeply; but it is exhausting and I'm already a littled bored with Ten Minute Trainer (good news is, I'm almost through with the 4-week program). This is a problem that has to be solved, and what I've been doing so far is working on accepting that the process has, for me, slowed down. I'm not going to lose weight as quickly, and probably am not going to lose as much. It's hard for me to take days off working out without beating myself up about it, but I'm working on that, too --- and on getting right back to it when it's time to do so. It's really annoying to have to fight this battle over and over; I wish I could come to some sense of peace about it all. That's something I'll just have to keep working on.

But in the meantime, I highly recommend the Yardworkout. Not only do you burn, baby, burn, but you have something beautiful to show for it!