Infowars Doofus Alex Jones Unlocked the Secrets of the Universe in a Hilariously Childish Doodle

Right-wing radio host and noted living performance-art exhibit Alex Jones is best known for founding Infowars, a conspiracy-theory blog that exists primarily to sell tinfoil-hat-themed nutritional supplements ("DEFENSE OF FREE SPEECH MEGA SPECIAL EXTENDED FOR 72 HOURS") of presumably dubious efficacy. But over the weekend, Jones made a dramatic and unexpected entrance into an entirely new field: visual arts. Behold his first work, "Untitled." But be forewarned that your small, feeble mind may have trouble fully comprehending the depth of its undeniable genius:

Maddeningly but also unsurprisingly, Jones chose to follow up on his homemade hieroglyph with neither additional explanation nor further context—we got only this tantalizingly brief caption, which sounds like a composite of the grandiose titles of hastily written midterm papers turned in by philosophy majors with mediocre grades. And then, just like that, as if nothing remotely unusual had happened, he was back to tweeting Pepe the Frog memes and some story that appears to explain how or why President Obama has become the leader of a Muslim revolution, but I'm working on a new computer here and have no interest in compromising its integrity by clicking that link.

After several minutes of meaningful reflection, I can't decide whether this more closely resembles a mock-up insignia for a line of off-brand golf shirts or a photocopy of a cherry stem that the token drunk guy at the office party tied into a knot with his tongue and won't stop happily showing to his visibly uncomfortable co-workers. My editor sagely observed that it could also be an early iteration of the logo for LaVar Ball's Big Baller Brand shoes, which, if true, would provide the elusive answer to the question "How can an upstart shoe company that makes a wildly expensive product that no one will buy link up with someone who will make it even less marketable than it is already?"

Perhaps Stephen Colbert's Tuck Buckford persona has already wormed its way into Alex Jones's supplement-addled head, or perhaps Jones is just bemused with the plethora of third-party doodling apps available for download on his new touchscreen-enabled smartphone. The likeliest explanation, though, might be that he spent the weekend getting his yearly pot-smoking session—performed as a public service to test the product's strength, of course—out of the way. If the potential byproduct of his serious investigative journalism is any indication, this year's product is the good shit.

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