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TRIBEWORK is about consuming the process of life, the journey, together.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Family – The Origin of Learning

“Whether
we oppress or liberate our children in our relationships with them will
determine whether they grow up to oppress and be oppressed or to liberate and
be liberated.”

~Desmond Tutu

The role of nurture has been
known, for a very long time, as pivotal in the development of children through
to adulthood. Patterns for later life are set early on.

We develop our concepts of the
world from our experience of family. These concepts are informed somewhat by
our other experiences, but family is the origin of our learning.

The best developed kids are those
who are given peaceful and stimulating households. Those that struggle must
wrangle with varying forms and levels of abuse and neglect, none of which is
their fault at all. Often the parents, too, may parent out of their damage.
(We’ve all made those mistakes.)

Learning About Power And Justice

If there are power struggles
within the home our children are bound to be imprinted in some way by the
authoritarian nature they come to expect of relationships. They will experience
a tussle, and varying imbalances, between submission and aggression, flight and
fight.

But when the threads of fairness
and justice are felt, tugging firmly, fairly and evenly within the family, both
of which are based in the safety of reliability, children thrive. Here they
might learn, by their dealings with respectful (though not ‘friendly’) parents,
how to respect others.

When power and justice play out
evenly, and there is no subversion of double standards by the parents, children
feel safe and they know this way is the best way. They, like us, know it by
instinct. Nobody likes double standards. Parents are not more special, or more
deserving of power, and they can receive respect very easily by behaving as adults
with their children.

Learning About Peace And Compassion

When children coexist in a
peaceful home, where power and justice are balanced, there is a blossoming of
compassion. And if they are allowed to suffer their losses in their way, even
more is their empathy developed.

Character is forged most healthily
when there is freedom within known boundaries. When kids have plenty of scope
to learn about life within the seedbed of family their peace facilitates the
spiritual knowledge of compassion—they
can feel.

And compassion, it can be argued,
is one of the glorious keys to connection with an external world. Because peace
is experienced, and compassion can be felt, truth-filled meaning is derived,
and purpose is known.

***

Family is the origin of learning.
It’s where power and justice, and peace and compassion, may first be learned.
Where there is respect there is safety, and where there is peace, compassion
may blossom.