Friday, April 04, 2008

Ever wanted a cheerleader?

No, you sickos, I'm not talking about some hot, nubile, tanned, toned, oh wait, where the hell was I going with this... Actually, I'm talking about someone who is there to encourage, push, and give you an atta boy for things in your life. Most everyone has a cheerleader of some type in their lives from a parent, friend, spouse, etc. Have you ever wanted a certain person to be your cheerleader that wasn't?

I have no idea if my wife actually reads this blog or not. I know she is aware that I have one, but I'm not sure if she's tried to even look it up as I don't bookmark it on any of our computers and typically don't post from home. My point is, whether she reads this or not, I REALLY would love to have her as my cheerleader in life. I think that's the way it should be when you get married. You've made a life long commitment to a person and you should make it a point to support them in things you see they're passionate about. I'm not talking about passive support. It's easy to say I'm supportive because I don't stop them from doing X activity or I support them because I don't give them a hard time about spending money on such and such. To me, that's a cop out.

I've had passive support from my wife in a number of my hobbies. For those that haven't known me long term, I digress. I have a habit of switching things up in my life every few years from hobbies, to careers, etc. Now I'm sure a certain part of the career issue deals with just now being 30 and finding my place. Plus I've actually been here almost 8 years so that's pretty long term in my book. Hobbies are a bit of a different story. I shot archery competitively when we met. I travelled to tournaments, practiced regularly, the whole bit. I was actually pretty good as an amateur. That lasted a number of years, but was replaced with car fever. I'm sure cars would have played any earlier part of my formative years had finances not been in the way, but now that I could afford to play, it was off to the races so to speak. That particular hobby hasn't completely died out yet, but it's on life support considering my car currently has a show quality custom paint job, but sits in the garage with no engine or transmission... Now it's on to biking. I'm only a year into the sport, but I've held true to form with diving in head first and swimming to the deep end.

Through all of this, Miranda has attended tournaments, car shows, a few races, and joined me in getting a tandem. However, there's always a catch. To get her attendance to these events, there has to be something in it for her. I have to sweeten the pot so to speak. Apparently all of my hobbies have held such little interest for her, that I have to bribe her to get her support. A promise of shopping, dinner out, etc. Is there a reason she won't show me the love just for the sake of seeing me happy in a certain activity? Is it because I haven't come straight out and told her I want and maybe wrongly, but somewhat expect this from my partner?

I'll be the first to admit, I'm probably not the best at cheering for her, but then again, I haven't seen her engrossed in too many activities where I can have equal opportunity to cheer lead. We learned country dancing a number of years ago and I faithfully came through that experience and even enjoyed it. We've played volleyball and softball together as a way to enjoy some sports together. Currently, she sews. Beyond saying something looks really nice and telling her good job, it's hard to do back flips in support of a passive activity.

We've been looking at finding a new activity we can do together. We haven't had any luck. Currently, it looks like I'll be cycling all summer and she's going to look for a competitive volleyball league to join. After 3 years, I'm a bit burnt on volleyball so I'm taking time off from that and letting her find something. Guaranteed if she finds something, I'll at least be at a few games to watch and cheer. What are we to do? Do we go through life as friends, roomies, and people that occasionally have sex while they raise a child together?

Damn, this was more rant than I intended and I'm not even done yet. I haven't even started in on our "business". I think I'll hit that as a separate topic so grab your popcorn and stay tuned... Oh, and one last comment for those who might think, damn, why'd he marry her if he is so unhappy with the arrangement. It's not that I'm unhappy, it's that I think there's more to life than what we're both getting and I'm trying to figure out the best way to get there.