Feel like carry-out from Earth tonight, honey?

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I have great news, my fellow Neptunians! Our intelligence agents tell us that after more than 50 years of service, Britain’s Defence Ministry has shut down its UFO investigation unit, saying it can no longer justify the cost.

The Ministry said such investigations are an “inappropriate” use of resources, which are needed instead for the war in Afghanistan. I swear I am not making this up, fellow Neptunians.

The Ministry said if it stops looking for us, it will save $73,000 a year. This is about 14 flopwaps, enough to buy a large Frozen Methane Gulp down at our 7-Eleven!

This news of course means that now, after being patient for thousands of years, we are finally free to land on Earth and eat everyone alive.

Top left: Mexico City residents stop in their tracks to look up at unidentified objects flying over the capital in a 2000 file photo. TV stations showed the objects were in fact probably silvery helium filled balloons. REUTERS/Heriberto Rodriguez

Top right: Unidentified object flies over Mexico City, seen through a very long telephoto lens, in 2000 file photo. REUTERS/Henry Romero

Bottom: Attendees dressed as alien space characters arrive for a special VIP party for the Science Fiction Museum in Seattle, in a 2004 file photo. REUTERS/Robert Sorbo