Fatherhood Division: To maintain the integrity of The Division in the face of what are perceived as multiple reckless Diapers.com purchases, monthly allocations to 529 college savings plans for both of The Twins need to begin as soon as possible.

Nursery Supplies & Maintenance: On-hand inventory of pacifiers, commonly known as binks, has dropped from a strong 38 to an astoundingly low 3; in only six weeks. More funds needed.

Motherhood Division: Special allocation* for "Holiday Outfits."

Nursery Supplies & Maintenance: Current burn rate of 17 diapers per day has necessitated an increase in weekly diaper spending of at least 10%.

Boy Twin Clothing: The number of pink onesies has reached a critical mass. All Girl Twin Clothing spending should be immediately frozen; any and all remaining funds in the account should be reallocated to Boy Twin Clothing, or at the very least gender neutral baby clothing, if such garments exist.

Nursery Supplies & Maintenance: On-hand inventory levels for paper towels and disinfecting wipes need to be increased in the wake of a projectile poop incident that soiled a changing table cover, crib sheets, crib mattress cover, two walls, a window pane, a onesie, two diapers, five lysol wipes, and 36 paper towels.

* Note: Fatherhood Division opposes this request as the number of baby clothes currently on hand "boggles the mind." If funds are allocated for Holiday Outfits it will need to be done covertly. Alternatively, we could wait for GRANDMAM, LLC to compulsively buy Holiday Outfits the next time she is within a 2 mile radius of a Target.