Tag Archives: feelings

“Restless Inside” is a selection from my first book of poetry In Speaking Of…

Restless Inside

By Nikki Anne Schmutz

Restless inside…
as a piece of string with not a thing to bind
as a root of a bulb awaiting a frozen Winter’s thaw
as an unwound kite on a flat summer’s afternoon
as a bound umbrella waiting in the heavy stand at the door
as a shell taken up from its water, left to dry on a shelf
as a lock forgotten by years, hidden in layers of dust
as an ocean wave never able to hold the sand in its grasp
as a letter hidden in the crumbling wall of an old Victorian
as a gust of wind personified, exiled to the unseen realm
as a sail-less vessel docked in a cemented harbor
as an etched crystal vase in the cupboard longing for use
as a stream racing downhill when it wishes to climb
as a baby grand piano unplayed, covered with ages of dust
as a drawn curtain wanting to part, allowing rays to enter
as an hourglass wishing to be turned, spilling its sand once again
as a tear unable to escape the confines of its cause
as a heart awaiting to be claimed by its only love…
the now, the past, what is to be
restless for it all, restless to just be…

Words unspoken become needles constantly pushing into us. We push them aside thinking – out of sight, out of mind. But that isn’t how it works. The things we don’t deal with stay with us. Whether we realize it or not, we dwell on the things unspoken. We crash into them in times unexpected. Our boats capsize and we are lost in the sea of all we wished to leave alone.

Years of red, years of green
years of something… in between.
A polluted mess of colors colliding,
colors protruding, colors sliding
into one another creating new hues
sticking to the bottom of my worn shoes.

Days of black, nights of white
weeks of sudden feelings of flight.
A tainted mixture of dark and light
both combining, both defining
an inner boundary around the hole
separating my heart from my soul.

Hours of white, hours of light
Hours since the caged bird took flight.
Ribbons of liberated collaboration
within each and every situation
stitching the rend between
The present and the past invisibly seam.

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The poetry of Nikki Anne Schmutz explores the journey we take inside ourselves, It is one that never ends; it leads to greater understanding, realizations gained only by aspiring to be more than we are in the present. There is great beauty to be found inside us all. Along the way we meet others who end up being vital parts of our growth, people we care for, people we love. Sometimes our connection with others brings us closer to deep understanding than anything else we experience.

Imagine what the world would be like if we could open a window to one another’s soul. What if we could look inside and glean all the information needed to truly understand each other as we help one another along through life? What kind of spiritual heights could we help one another achieve? Open your soul window…

‘In Speaking Of…’ is a collection of poetry inspired by the soul’s journey from dark to light. It takes raw emotion stemming from life’s darker moments and spins them into alchemical passages that expose truths we try to hide. Acceptance of ones’ inner self eventually leads to light, life, and happiness. ‘In Speaking Of…’ embraces the pain we feel in order to enhance the joyful moments we find within. Beauty amidst pain, light amidst darkness. Sometimes brutal yet still captivating, this collection of poems sends the reader into a journey of introspection and hopefully ends with the realization that life has more to offer than one ever thought possible.