This week, I won all the cars. After I won all the cars, I also learned that I was the winner of all the tobacco and all of the oil, but those responses will have to be saved for another day. My point is, I am probably king now because I have all the things.

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Another person told me to tell you that I won all your cars. I was not told what to include in this response, so here is a brief biography. My name is Whitney, and I am homeless, but we don't call ourselves that. We prefer "permanent wanderer" or "ex-pro golfer." I access the internet by stealing iPhones from graphic design majors the community college. I spend most afternoons down by the river making “science.” I mix together different measurements of rocks and dirt, ingest them, and note the side effects on the wall under my bridge with one of those rocks that somehow makes chalk even though it looks like just a plain rock. A lot of people laugh at me now because of my science, but no one will be laughing when I finally create a dirt/rock pill that prevents both pregnancy AND STDs.

Since the car you are giving me will be my home, I would like to invite you to my house-warming party, but it will actually be very cold. It would be lovely if you would bring the chips and salsa, but please don’t spill on my new, luxurious leather interior or I might get stabby. Luckily for you, I am so weak from a diet of only my own failed science that if you do get stabbed, you will likely suffer no more than the equivalent of a paper cut. But like, thick paper.

Whitney, you are my hero. I want to come to your party, but I don't have any wheels at the moment. Can you drive cross-state and pick me up? Yeah? Ok. Deal. I'll bring a few 2 liters of pop for all of the hassle.

I always Wondered why they Always capitalize Random Words in spam E-Mails. While residents of the UK say Weird things like "Bollocks", I am Fairly Certain they don't Capitalize words in the middle of a sentence!

Nice response! If I were getting laid right now, I'd put in a pre-order for that pill of yours. ;)

Whit. Glad ur back! OK, first, when you eat some rocks they will turn to chalk, so you should screen and wash your rock/dirt stools. [white, pinkish and yellow are typical chalk shit-rock colors] {sometimes purple}

Second, be sure they don't give you that off-white leather in your new Merc. Salsa stains that color like crazy.

Mooner- I am in no position to receive mail, but I suppose if I do get a letter, they can just stuff it into the grill of the car. I've heard that when you win a car, they deliver it without wheels, so unfortunately, I will have no say about where or where not my new car is positioned.

Also, if I don't get black leather, I won't even accept it. That off-white leather is gross and for some reason reminds me of dudes in plaid with big sunglasses who are missing several teeth and wearing cowboy boots. I must have seen this in a movie?

ROFL... I have to send you all the emails that I receive. About the dying babies and lottery tickets! RSVP for the party too! I'll bring a lot of protective supply such as Plastic (coz Plastic > Paper) and some Windex and other cleaning supplies. Also Red glasses for the Pop.. Okay, I'll get Blue ones too :)