Month: November 2017

Oh hello there!Is it really Thursday and the final (!) day of November yet? This week flew by – I know I (we?) always say that – but it’s been a bumpy one. I’d planned on posting twice this week but … you already know how that went. It’s a “shorter” week for me already in that I’m off to my grandparents’ house for the weekend tomorrow for a family gathering but I stiill wanted to pop in before left. Because my mind is running in a hundred directons at once, I’m gladly following Amanda’s invitation to pour out some random thoughts.

Current favourite song/stuck in my head? This one:

Yes, I know it’s German so you might be tempted to just skip it but would you do me a favour and give it a listen still? When I was younger and couldn’t understand English yet, I already liked the sound of and found myself humming along songs from the UK and US, too, so who knows? You might just enjoy this, too. It’s a kind-of love song, albeit a sad-ish one. My favourite part of it is when he sings “I am fucking Yoko Ono, my heart is broke, oh John!” I can’t quite put a finger on it but that bit is so beautiful. Yoko and John – forever united? Fun fact: yes, Mark Foster is indeed allowed to use the f word. No censoring either on TV or in radio stations over here. I honestly can’t imagine how some more explicit songs or movies must sound like in the US. Constant beeping? Well, you know it: we neither mind nudity nor swearing over here ;).

2. Semi-news: my mum got an iPhone – a major update from her previous age old flip phone. Actually, she’s had the new one for a few months already and … Constantly on the phone texting her friends – even at work [yes, I caught her ;)]. And on a recent walk it was her pulling out the phone for a picture when I steered her attention to the sunset That young lady’s clearly a little phone obsessed ;). It’s quite funny since my mum’s – to put it nicely – not well versed regarding social media. She’s an expert at so many other things but internet and phones? Not. Yet now that she’s in the iPhone crew of my family, she’s joining in the choir of my siblings and dad trying to pressure me into buying an iPhone, too. Which in turn makes me even more resistant [did I mention stubbornness runs in the family?]. Also, replacing a phone after only ~ 4 years seems … wrong.

3. Cookies! While not these vegan Zimtsterne that I highly recommend you add to your baking list – they’re vegan and naturally gluten-free – but plenty of other [new] favourites. I’ll be honest in saying I’m more of a dough that finished cookie eater, though. And seeing as I see [healthy and not-so healthy] cookie dough creations on Instagram, I know I’m not alone here.

4. Speaking of social media; everybody’s always sharing or [not-so?] secretly watching funny cat videos. I can’t say I did that but I recently stumbled upon this gem. Thanks to my sloooow old phone, it took a while for the video to start so I read the caption already, thinking “yeah, sure, I bet the man hugged the animal so stop lying because we all know they can’t actually hug …”. Oh boy was I wrong. No, it’s not a cute kitten video but all the more special.

Happiness-inducing today: Baking. It truly is therapy in the way of distracting me from the less pleasant happenings in life. Nothing like kneading dough, shaping cookies and listening to another podcast.

We’ve officially reached the final week of November! Okay, somebody pinch me please. Or should I just get the Bubbly, er, Bublé out to get into my mind that yes, Advent/Christmas season really is about to start? Denial. Full-on denial here. Anybody else??? I even baked multiple batches of cookies already in the past few weeks, for heaven’s sake! Oh well, you didn’t come here to hear me ramble so let’s get into those good reads. If you have barely any time to spare, just read the one in the first category for now and the remainder later. It’s a good one. Well, they all are or they would’t have made the cut but you know what I mean <- me writing intros way too late …

As I said in my intro: if you’re short on time, please just read this one article for now. It’s relevant for all of us. – “We’re making up for a known deficiency created by otherwise helpful technologies, even though staying strong and active never lost any value—it just became easier and easier to neglect.”

This! When did you last have a fully focused conversation [no phone, not letting your mind go hundred different places at once]? The feeling is magical but these really have lessened so let’s make an effort to bring full presence back.

A Holiday Survival Guide for Sad People via Pinch of Yum

It’s easy to forget that this season isn’t an all-around happy one for everybody. Lindsay’s post is helpful both for the people going through any kind of hardship and those around to help support them. Beautifully written, too.

Leaving the blog world for a whole week after the previous post was not my intention . What happened was that WordPress ever so kindly kept me from logging into my account on several days. This has happened before and I’m still no wiser about the reasons so if any of you are, please let me know. It simultaneously happened with my Gmail account which was extra annoying. Though while not fun, it obviously is a first world problem and didn’t keep me from living my life.

Okay, onto some of the happenings from and a few thoughts on the past week. Thanks to Meg for hosting this fun little party to start the week on a good note.

During the past week I …

Worked. Same old, same old. It was a somewhat busy week which is a positive in my book. There’s nothing worse – again: first world problem – than waiting for time to pass until you can leave during the less busy weeks.

Mailed a little birthday package to a very good friend living way too far away. As much as I like surprising others, I have a hard time finding a gift that feels just right. Useful but surprising. My sister – not completely without ulterior motives 😉 – suggested one of her undies so that’s what I got. The birthday girl was really happy with her new donut undies. FYI: This post is not sponsored by my sister – I bought the undies from my own money ;).

Spent time with the cutest little fellow in my world [aka: my nephew], my sister and my parents. I’ve seen them – my sister and P. – less often and miss having them around. It’s fascinating how fast P. is developing now – not just in terms of growth or vocabulary but in character. Being honest here, he’s sweet but definitely a little wild thing and hyperactive at times. Still cute. Plus, he’s calling me by my “pet name” now and has those adorable snuggly moments so it all balances out. Can’t he stay little forever, please?!

Met up with the aforementioned friend for another cooking date. It might unfortunately be our final one for this year with the holidays and lots of invitations coming up. Sad because the afternoons at her house are the epitome of nourishing for me. Cora wrote a post about this that really resonated with me. What makes a meal or a moment in life nourishing isn’t necessarily or at least not solely about the food. Yes, some foods do feel more nourishing than others. But how far does that go if we’re not feeling nourished wholly? The meal with my friend was just that through the setting – I really like her kitchen: lots of light, a few decorations and an overall cozy feeling -, the company and, yes, also the food. Feeling full but not uncomfortably, taking time to eat and having a deep conversation. Oh and since I figure you might wonder: we tried Dana’s Lentil Eggplant Lasagna. Repeat offender …What can I say? There are a million blogs but I simply trust her recipes and have so many I want to try. It’s actually funny I chose the lasagna because I neither like eggplants nor tofu much but the reviews were incredibly positive and it fit my criteria of offering enough tasks for two people. The verdict? So good! The sauce is super simple but flavourful [I didn’t use store bought marinara but a bottle of unseasoned tomato sauce, adding talian herb seasoning], the tofu ricotta actually delicious on its own already and the eggplant? Oh well. I thought it was cut into too thick slices as per the recipe. My friend would have liked more of a spicy kick – as did my mum and sister who got to try some leftovers – but enjoyed it. Her husband missed the meat [and I didn’t expect anything else to be honest]. You can’t please everyone even with dishes that got rave reviews on the blog. I actually took a few pictures this time but they didn’t turn out so I’ll use one of Dana’s here. I highly recommend you give it a try.

Had dinner with my parents, sister and P on Saturday night. Since I liked the lasagna so much, I made it again and can now say it’s definitely way faster to assemble the second time around. Slicing the eggplant into thinner rounds this time really made me enjoy it even more. It was only me eating this – the remainder of the family had Serviettenknödel [containing eggs so not for me] with mushroom cream sauce – but it was sharing a meal and time spent together that mattered. Yet another nourishing moment in my week.

Went on a walk with my mum on Sunday afternoon. She suggested it after we’d waved goodbye to my sister and P. I’m glad we did despite the frigid temperatures because our conversation and getting a good dose of fresh air was just what I needed as a finishing touch to the week. It wasn’t the happiest week for me but I’m always trying to shift my focus on the silver linings and try to be forgiving [of myself and others].

Despte what it might look like from the things listed above, the past week was rough. Tears, a hard time sleeping most nights because my brain wouldn’t calm down, an uncomfortable appointment and body image struggles – all of these were part of it, too. And just so it doesn’t seem like it: I’m not saying any of these asking for sympathies but because I want to be honest. A lot of bloggers [choose to] portray only the good moments of life and if that’s what feels right for them that’s totally fine. It’s just not for me [I also can’t lie when people in real life ask how I am and I definitely wish I could at times]. But I’m obviously also a big believer in seeing the silver linings in even the ickiest of weeks. And with all of that, I wish you a …

Happy Monday!

Happiness-inducing today: Family time. That’s not to say we were always getting along but it’s the overall happiness that’s on my mind still right now.

How do you feel about traditions? I like them. A lot. The positive predictability of something good happening again. Yes, it might be my need for control and safety but as long as there’s still enough variety and spontaneity in one’s life, I don’t see a problem in this. What a weird intro? Well, this post is a prime example of traditions: I’ve been sharing these posts for almost 200 weeks now [yikes!] and in while predictable, each one is different regarding the mix of links. I think I found a good variety of posts from around the web again and if I mssed any must-reads: let me know in the comments. And for now:

Is this topic uncomfortable? Yes. Is it dear to my heart? Yes again. I really hope you’ll take the time to read this post because it goes into detail on the one ingredient we should not consume and the reasons why. It’s not just about Nutella.

While I haven’t struggled with binging myself, it’s easy to assume intuitive eating only applied to those of us with restrictive types of EDs. This explains why it’s not and the restriction still present in binge eaters.

Body love is promoted all over social media. This is a wonderful post to read if you struggle with this – it’s not all black and white [as in: either hating or loving yourself]. Just like many other things, body love is a journey and Rachael lays out the steps on the way.

This is one I found very last minute and while I can’t pretend I had this down, felt the need to share because it might be just what some of you out there need [and can apply] right now. Does that make sense? Call it intuition.

Truth be told: I didn’t expect much from this one but am glad I clicked over in anyway. Whippman is making some very good points [#3 is one not mentioned often enough and you might be surprised to find me agree with it].

Whether you’re vegan or not, including these in your diet offers plenty of nutritional benefits at very reasonable prices. Also, Lee has done a full series with more tips on how to get the most bang for your buck.

An older one but it’s the season and even though I’ve never had a Thanksgiving meal, this looks really really good.

Happiness-inducing today: In being honest with you here: today wasn’t the most amazing day. Not terrible but not special in any way. Writing this, though, I forced myself to focus on good things and: the great dossier I read this morning. And the fact I ran my parents’ errands because they’re out of town.

And one happiness-inducer from a blogger a know a lot of us admire. So very wonderful.

When something’s fun, do it again. Or: never change a running system. Or: everybody likes positivity. That’s the somewhat long-winded way my brain chose to say one thing: I’m jumping aboard the Week in Review train again, once more talking [for the most part at least] about the good happenings only.

Thanks to Meg for inventing and hosting this fun little party to start our Mondays on a happy note.

Baked more Christmas cookies. Actually even the same recipe again and – bad blogger that I am – forgot to take pictures. I’ll make an effort to keep some aside the next time and snap a picture then. For now, I’ll borrow the original recipe creator’s.

Met up with the friend I mentioned the other week for another cooking date. We chose this recipe by Minimalist Baker [yes, also again; I simply trust in their recipes being winners]. No picture because we ate with her husband again and I didn’t feel comfortable enough to whip out my phone around him. Modifications we made were: using frozen pre-chopped kale that we cooked with pepper and vegetable broth so it ended up resembling German-style kale rather than the way Dana suggested. And: using locally grown Japanese sweet potatoes. Now if you’ve been around for a while you might remember me expressing my dislike of this vegetables before. Still true for the orange ones. But Japanese? Wow! Sign me up! Unfortunately, my friend bought them on a recent trip and I won’t be able to buy them around here. If you haven’t tried them yet but can buy them were you are: do it! Coming from a former sweet ‘tater hater here, that’s saying a lot ;).

More than the food, though, I enjoyed spending the afternoon talking and just being around a friend, getting a change of scenery. We already loosely set a new cooking date which I’m already looking forward to.

Had a full-on examination of my health [as in: blood test, cardiogram and, ahem, handing in an urine sample] at my new GP’s office. Oh do I not like having my blood drawn. Sleeping the night leading up to this? I wish! But it was worth it because the results were good, iron and vitamin B12 levels fine, too [these weren’t in the past]. However, my vitamin D levels are not where they should be. Hence getting a prescription. And as such …

Started taking a vitamin D supplement. As somebody who tries to avoid taking medication whenever possible, this alone didn’t suit me. When I pocked up the prescription drug, however, I noticed it containing gelatin. Not cool. Hence why I put off taking it for a little bit but then finally reminded myself of this: yes, it sucks. But is me being 100 % vegetarian/mostly vegan worth risking my health? I know this is a struggle others might face, too, and think that health always needs to come first. As hard as it is to wrap my head around this: no animal is saved by me not taking these pills and staying in a nutrient deficit.

Spent some time with P.. My sister, her husband and the little one were in town for less than 24 hours so it wasn’t a long visit but seeing my favourite little boy was wonderful still. Even if just for the excitement of finding he can now pronounce my name [it’s a somewhat difficult one even for some adults].

Met another friend at her parents’ house on Saturday night. We went to school together and she’s now living quite a bit further away so we don’t get to see each other often enough. Following a long phone conversation earlier this week already, we still talked for hours while snuggling with her cat, Oskar. Having these friends that – no matter how much time has passed since the previous meet-up and how far they live away – always get you and that you can lead the deepest conversations with is one of the biggest gifts I can imagine having. Long-winded sentence but I think you get what I mean?

While certain things didn’t happen as planned, work wasn’t the most amazing and self-criticism was high again this week, the overall memory is a good one. Especially writing down just the positives, I’m reminded of all the good in life and the warm feeling of happiness I soaked up while once more breaking out of routines I’ve gotten too used to. And as the title suggests, this week was another reminder that quality matters more than quantity: While both the get-togethers with my friends as well as my sister’s stay were way too short, the brightness they brought into my days made them seem like so much more.

Now it’s getting late [Sunday night] so all that’s left to say for me is:

Note: This isn’t just relevant if you if you have struggled/are struggling with an eating disorder – you might find this applicable to your own blog, too.

Reading the title, some of you might wonder: ‘But isn’t that what she started out as??’. And well, I figure you could say I was leaning towards it more in sharing recovery-focused topics and struggles in many of my first posts, yes.

Am I recovered? Not struggling with food anymore? Unfortunately no.. Yet I do not want to go into this topic all the time anymore, not let this be me as a whole. Sharing bits here and there because I don’t want to pretend to be something I’m not. It’s an unfortunate part of me, one that has shaped my life, there’s no denying this. Centering my whole blog around recovery and my strained relationship with food and my appearance, though, is not what I’m trying and wouldn’t recommend for anybody. Here’s why:

Not letting go

If I was to write about EDs and food anxiety all day every day, immersing myself into the recovery blogosphere only, I’d allow these things to manifest. I’d allow them to have more power over me and my life than they should. I’d allow them to keep me stuck. And this exactly has always been my worry and criticism regarding full-on recovery accounts. At some point in life – and given the length of my own struggles I’m not putting any number of months or years of recovery here – you should [be able to] let go of being ‘in recovery’, ‘fighting your way back to happiness’ or whatever else recovery Instagram bios read like these days and just live.

Who am I without my ED? or: Losing your identity [for the better]

If you feel you can post your every meal, the accompanying feelings of guilt and worry while eventually eating more and more and identifying with your ED less and less – awesome, keep going. But if you feel tied to your recovery title and scared of who you’ll be once you’re weight-restored [mental recovery, as most of us will know, takes a lot longer] and not as intensely afraid of eating anymore – reconsider. I think this “identity crisis” is something most if not all of us in recovery will experience at some point. A lot of blog posts out there address this struggle and I won’t pretend I had it all figured out myself yet. Just being honest here.

This exact point – clinging to an identity created or held up by an ED – is what Kaila Prins talked about on the Food Psych podcast. The topic and a past draft of this post had been on my mind more than a year ago already but her words brought it back to the forefront of my mind. Kaila specifically talks about a certain blogger [anonymously] she wanted to help recover but couldn’t. A girl tied to her identity as a health blogger, athlete and creator of low-calorie recipes. So yes, I can absolutely understand how hard deciding to fully recover is when your identity, you brand essentially depends on you being trapped in your ED. What if recovering for you meant – temporary or longer term – a lack of interest in cooking, a preference for rich desserts rather than healtified versions and you no longer enjoyed the intense workouts you did before – but feel that your readers expect you to? Are you going to hold up an image that is no longer you or take the scary step of diving into the unknown?

Not writing a recovery blog? It still applies

Even if the focus of your blog is a completely different one, the same might happen. Maybe you’re writing a running blog. What if you suddenly get injured and need to take months off to recover? Or discover that you enjoy yoga more or even take a break from formal exercise altogether (it happens!). Maybe you’re writing a vegan/paleo/macrobiotic/whatever diet blog, strongly recommending the diet to everybody around but then find you need to include animal products in your diet again[we’ve seen what happened to other bloggers in this case before; the Balanced Blonde being the best known example]. Or you happen to discover intuitive eating and as such suddenly find that you want to let go of labels altogether. Or a fashion blog but you fall out of love with fashion or question the ethics behind it at some point. I could go on with examples here but I think you got my point. I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with choosing a specific niche for your blog. And if you’re lucky, you have an awesome community cool with a change of focus in your blog. If you’re not – and I’ve heard/read bloggers talk about their struggles with this – you might feel torn: Continue to write about something you’re not feeling anymore because you feel you owe it to your readers or you built a business on it. Or daring the metaphorical leap into the dark in changing topics. Even if you enjoy the topic you chose immensely, why not share the occasional post about some other interests of yours [this might just be me in keeping those doors open for a potential change of mind after all …]? We’re all way too diverse characters to eternally specify on just one niche and – speaking as a reader here – your readers might be curious to see more facets of you, too.

The things I’d consider are: Can I imagine myself writing about this overall topic in, say, five years still or will I have nothing new to say anymore/outgrown it? And (the most important one for me): Do I want to be identified as this (i.e. the athlete, the recovering person, the health nut never touching any sugar, …). We all change. That’s what life is about. Growth. Developing into different directions. Finding ourselves. And – to end this long post here – that’s what I want my blog to reflect. I’m not who I was when I started this blogging journey and I don’t know the person I will be in five years yet. What I do know is that I’m curious about what’s to come and sharing it through my writing. Unless I decide I hate writing – which is very unlikely to happen because yes, that’s one identity I’ve had since my childhood and am happy to own: being a writer [and reader].

Enough from me: I’m genuinely interested to hear your thoughts on the above!

Happiness-inducing today: Taking a walk – no matter how short – when the weather cleared up a little. Oh, and the memories of yesterday’s cooking date with a friend. These always make my soul happy.