Lance's Most Definitely Not Serious At All Pathfinder Game:

so apparently I misremembered when I thought I said no game this weekend, I just MOST LIKELY no. but yeah, totally not having a game this week. it's a bit stressful this week as I prepare somewhat frantically for finals so I can ace them and in a haze of caffeine and eurobeat blaring out of my computer I shall just barely get all my cute, fluffy little ducklings in a row to mother space russia or something. fuck am I pout of it. woooo, well, good luck with that everyone, I apologize for not being able to entertain you all for this coming saturday but I am sooooo not up for it. BACK TO MY SCIENCE PAPER NOW.

ALSO PAGE TOPPER. GO ME. I AM THE LORD OF SPACE.

edited 26th Apr '12 11:22:45 PM by Lanceleoghauni

"Coffee! Coffeecoffeecoffee! Coffee! Not as strong as Meth-amphetamine, but it lets you keep your teeth!"

This week, ALL FOUR MEMBERS OF THE PARTY, along with Namir, went with the Captain to Eastwheel's FIRETIDE FESTIVAL! Granny made the others PAIR UP; Belinda with Namir, Martigan with the Black Cat. Belinda just GOT WASTED. Namir was COMPLETELY CLUELESS and Martigan was a COMPLETE DICK TO HIM, SOMEWHAT INCOMPETENTLY. The Black Cat was FROZEN IN FEAR by such a large social gathering and SCURRIED AWAY rather like her namesake at her earliest convenience. After much SHENANIGANS INVOLVING THE AFOREMENTIONED DICKERY, the other three went looking for the Black Cat! Just after they found her though, SMOKE BOMBS WENT OFF and they were all tied up in BOLAS and knocked out! Aside from Belinda, who was able to WORM HER WAY OUT, grab Granny, and SCRAM! These enemy NINJAS chased them through some KITCHENS, where Belinda got a chef to UNTIE AND WAKE UP GRANNY! Then they were chased some more, up and up until they ended up CRASHING THROUGH THE GLASS DOME OVER THE BALLROOM and swinging on a chandelier! The ninjas threw more smokebombs, this time filled with KNOCKOUT GAS! Most everyone except Belinda, Granny, and the GORLAXIANS were taken down by this! The gorlaxians were able to get Belinda and Granny down from there and out safely, to find an ORIGAMI TIGER where the Black Cat and Martigan were! This unfolded into a MAP! Telling them to come alone on FIRETIDE FOUR...

This week, BELINDA AND GRANNY set out to save THE BLACK CAT AND MARTIGAN from the NINJA MAFIA! Early along this way, they met the bard BEIREL, who helped them get the INFORMATION THEY NEEDED to find where the Ninja Mafia was keeping them! Soon after this, however, THUGS ATTACKED THEM, but they were easily handled, and in fact were MERCENARIES HIRED BY THE NINJA MAFIA to get Beirel to PAY MONEY HE OWED! With some "convincing", these thugs led the three to the NINJA MAFIA HEADQUARTERS, where they went to see the leader of the organization, SENSEI, about freeing the Black Cat and Martigan! But the Sensei was too busy undergoing a RITUAL OF APOTHEOSIS to talk to them, and when the NINJA SECRETARY realized just who they were, ninja guards attacked! The fighting ruined the secretary's paperwork, which PISSED HER OFF enough that she started THROWING FIREBALLS AROUND and leaving, which served as the PERFECT DISTRACTION for Martigan and the Black Cat to INVISIBLY ESCAPE after opening their cages with Martigan's SKELETON KEY! The two made it to the fight, EVENING OUT THE ODDS SOME MORE, and they were handily able to DEFEAT THE NINJAS, with the Black Cat even killing one with the LETTER OPENER that the secretary left behind! (This letter opener turned out to be a small-sized HUMANBANE DAGGER.) But there's still SENSEI TO DEAL WITH after all, don't want the Ninja Mafia being LED BY A GOD!

This week, THE PARTY (along with BEIREL) continued on through the NINJA MAFIA HEADQUARTERS until they found a LARGE IRON DOOR decorated with dragons! Searching the adjacent rooms, they found some USEFUL THINGS: SEVERAL (~) MAPS OF THE REGION of the skein they were in, ONE (1) PORTABLE HOLE in which they stored the maps, TWO (2) MASTERWORK DRAGON PISTOLS (along with THIRTY (30) DRAGON'S BREATH CARTRIDGES and FIVE (5) FLARE CARTRIDGES) which The Black Cat SUMMARILY EQUIPPED (as her REGULAR GUNS were ON THE SHIP), ONE (1) ORNAMENTAL BOSTAFF which was taken up by Martigan (as he did not have his REGULAR QUARTERSTAFF), ONE (1) IOUN STONE, and TWO (2) MAGIC RINGS. After getting all geared up, they found an OMINOUS BUTTON which Martigan TRICKED the Black Cat into pressing. This ACTIVATED ONE OF THE DRAGONS on the door, causing it to SPEW OUT BLUE FLAMES! In the other room they found a SIMILAR BUTTON, which activated the OTHER DRAGON. All this flame passing through the dragons HEATED UP THE DOOR to the point that Martigan guessed it was going to MELT! What IN FACT HAPPENED was that the door TURNED INTO BLACK STONE WITH LAVA COURSING THROUGH IT IN VEINS, and at the bottom was a FIERY PORTAL! After heading through this, the party found themselves in the LAND OF TATAMI AND PILLARS! Eventually it was noticed that the pillars formed a PUZZLE! WEIRD PUZZLE SHIT involving playing CONNECT THE DOTS with the pillars to trace a SYMBOL OF PURIFICATION ensued. After THAT NONSENSE, everyone went through a BILLOWING DARK PORTAL THAT SCREAMED WHEN THINGS WENT THROUGH. Through this portal they found... MORE PILLARS! Also THE CAPTAIN AND NAMIR FIGHTING NINJAS, which they fought as well. However, the NINJA RUSE WAS A..... DISTRACTION. After they defeated these ninjas, they found SENSEI, who was in fact the GOVERNOR OF EASTWHEEL, to have ALREADY UNDERGONE APOTHEOSIS! The Captain threw an OBJECT to Namir and told him to get the party OUT OF THERE! After running away, they looked back to see that THE CAPTAIN WAS AN ANGEL, and she was fighting this NEW GOD! This object Namir had was something extremely RARE AND VALUABLE called a WORLD TURNER, and he used it to help everyone GTFO! Right into a LAKE, to The Black Cat's IMMENSE DISPLEASURE. He led everyone to a CAVE, which was his HOUSE, furniture and everything. There he explained that he was a MEMBER OF AN EXTINCT RACE, and like SIX-HUNDRED THOUSAND (600,000) YEARS OLD OR SOMETHING, which is why he knew how to use the world turner, which his father, the KING OF HIS DEAD PEOPLE, had built! And now, they have to find the ship (which was KEYED TO THE WORLD TURNER), find a plan, and hopefully find the Captain... After all, don't want any EVIL NINJA GODS running around!

This week, the PARTY went out to get the SHIP! Along the way, they met NAMIR'S GOLDEN GREAT WYRM MAJORDOMO, KEMUELZTHCKRANCH*

i probably misspelled this

, who he just calls BOB. After getting to the ship, they left for the skein, eventually ending up at a TRADING POST STATION called The Reach, smack dab in the MIDDLE OF NOWHERE! A strange place, there are MANY THINGS for sale at The Reach; some of DUBIOUS LEGALITY (depending on where you're from, at any rate), but NEVER DUBIOUS QUALITY. It was here that Namir was able to get some information on the newly minted NINJAGAMI! (After which somehow a MONTH HAD PASSED, even though it had only been a COUPLE DAYS according to the party...) The new deity is a GOD OF WRATH AND FIRE, and he's gathering followers to ASSAULT THE CENTRE OF THE SKEIN! For some NEFARIOUS PURPOSE or other! The party chose to KEEP AHEAD OF HIM and warn people in his path... Will they be able to succeed in this endeavour!?

This week, the PARTY left THE REACH and ended up in an ASTEROID FIELD. In this field there was a GIANT SPACE WHALE that attacked the ship! It was driven off by an EVEN BIGGER SHIP that scooped up the Triumphant. This big ship belonged to the TECHGNOME ALLIANCE, who accidentally created the whale, ATREIDES, in some failed SCIENCE. The techgnomes (and -halflings) started repairing the ship in return, and the party was brought before the ELDER COUNCIL, where they asked for the techgnomes' help against the NINJAGAMI. They were dismissed while the council thought about it, and after a while, ALARMS started going off! In the bio labs on the ship, some DANGEROUS TEST SUBJECTS had escaped! The party killed some.

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