Thursday, November 15, 2007

Who's That Guy Named Adam Haluska?

Once upon a time, there was a player called Radix Haluska. He lived in a village in the mountains with his wife and two young children, a daughter and a son. Radix was a very happy and kind man and he got on very well with all the children in the village. They loved him because he played games with them and often told them stories while he was sitting the 'At Soldier', the village inn.

He spent a lot of time in the inn because he was, in fact, a very lazy player. Radix was happy to do just enough practice to get by. Instead of working on his game, he would go fishing or hunting, or sit in the village inn talking to his friends, by the way, my granddad was one of them, and that's why I know this strory. His family was very poor and his wife used to get at him. *What kind of player are you?* she would say. *Why don't you get down to some practice, you lazy man! That's why you're dreadful during games! We need money, we need victories!!*

After arguments with his wife, Radix always went off hunting with his dog, Milkwolf. One day, after another argument, Radix went further than usual in the woods and came to a beautiful valley, high in the mountains. Suddenly, he heard a strange voice calling his name. An old man, dressed in old-fashioned clothes, was trying to carry a barrel and asked Radix to help him. (I'll explain all in a second.) *Coach...* ... Radix agreed. They took the barrel to a cave, where there were more people, all dressed in the same strange clothes. After that, the old man gave Radix a drink from the barrel. Radix immediately fell into a deep sleep.

(There had been a sect called Yellow Army (YA) in the village, and their modus operandi had been a brutal money-collecting from Soldiers basketball team. What Soldiers won in their league, that gave to the YA, kept just a little amount of cash. When a player didn't play well during some stretch of games, he was ruthlessly kicked out of the team and village, because the whole area of village had been controlled by YA's armed men. But innocent people and players didn't know about this conspiracy, players were told that their crowns are for some village-upgrading. Those fired players who knew the truth were held high in the mountains, under the control of YA. If someone from the village penetrated there, got a yellow drink which deleted every memory from his last day. Because without the drink and with his found truth about the life in the village he would be killed later by YA.)

Some time later, he woke up under a tree in the same valley. He was alone. He was worried about his dog and he knew he was going to get into more trouble with his wife. Then he noticed a curious thing - his hair was over his shoulders and his beard was over a foot long! Radix could not understand what had happened. He decided to get back to the village. As soon as he got there, he realised that everything was different, and there were lots of new houses. The people in the village stared at him with his long hair and beard and old clothes. Radix thought their clothes were strange, and he did not recognise anybody at all.

(Grey Group had been formed by those old-fashioned captives. Their invention of GG drink was amazing. This is how it worked: after a glass of GG, you fell asleep and slept for 20 years. So Radix got that drink instead of yellow that day and got up 20 years later. Meanwhile, one day Grey Group assembled lots of members, and then they finally removed the rule of Yellow Army. Now they wanted Radix to be their leader, they believed he was the chosen one. However, just year before Radix's awakening, GG's leader told the people that Radix isn't that savior. *He's just a lazy useless man. When he'll come here, don't tell him anything about past 20 years. It's for his own good.*)

When he got to his house, he saw that it was old and abandoned. He went to the centre of the village and everything there had changed completely. The old At Soldier Inn was now called the Grey Den. Before he went in, he listened at the window. The people were talking things he hadn't heard of - the politics, the president, the war. Radix went in and described his wife, family and friends and asked the people where they were. Apparently, all of his friends had either died or left the village. His wife had been killed 15 years before. But his children were still there. They pointed to a young man sleeping under a tree. Radix realised it was his son! Then a young woman carrying a baby came towards him. It was his daughter!

In the end, Radix went to live with his daughter. He still didn't get round to doing much work though. He spent his time as before, fishing and hunting and telling stories to children outside the village inn. He told stories about life before the war, how he had met some strange people in the mountains - and how he had gone to sleep for 20 years...

He died two years later, in 1945. In 1948, Radix's 25-year-old sonny Roman emigrated to United States, Cedar Rapids, Iowa. Roman's son was born sometime in the 60's... and here my granddad lost his connection with Roman.

Some 45 years later, I'm looking at the NBA rosters and what I see? New Orleans Hornets pay $427,163 to 6-5, 210, 23-year old (11/16/83) guard from Iowa, number 1... Adam Haluska! Could he be a grandson of Roman? What da hell? Stay tuned. My NBA insiders are working on that. Next time I'm watching Adam Haluska firing up his shot, I'm yelling *Radix!!!*...

p.s.: ray allen has a routine, he gets to the gym about three hours before tipoff to put up usually about 250 shots. how many does he typically make? *probably about 247,* he said. *those three i missed were when the cheerleaders walked out.* p.s.2: 250 million television viewers (most of them chinese) tuned in to watch the much-anticipated matchup between yao and yi. how many people in the netherlands tuned in for duel of the dutch - a showdown between bucks' dan gadzuric and francisco elson. cisco had one guess: *maybe two,* he said with a shrug.p.s.3: i guarantee you i should suit up. i'd play better than some of them right now. i guarantee it. i swear to god. with an old hip and 62 years old and i can't see, i'll play better than some of my guys tonight. come on, they were pretty bad.* (heat coach pat riley, after his team fell to 1-6 with a 91-76 loss to bobcats.)p.s.4: spurs 107. lakers 92. matt bonner 15. kobe 18. matt on his attempt to out-produce kb24: * "that's one of my missions in my career - to outscore kobe.*p.s.5: spurs made 13 3-pointers in their victory vs. lakers and phil jackson was asked if too much penetration was leading to open outside shooters. *we call this a 'brokeback mountain' game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts,* pj said. *it was one of those games.* He said later: *if i've offended any horses, texans, cowboys or gays, i apologize.*p.s.6: the curry-randolph combo marks the first time in nba or wnba history that a team has started two c-cups at the same time. (-bill simmons)