Divorce after Twenty years together Community Group

I want to start something for those of us that were married for a long long time. I think that we face a little different issues than those who were dating for a few years or even married for shorter period of time. Being married for so long we have older children some have grandkids dealing with teenagers and their reaction to the divorice empty nesters dating after 40...

Follow up question to "Would you remarry agai

Per wm98's comment on remarriage, it stirred a question for me and I wanted to put it out there for others to participate in. As I read some of the comments on remarriage or dating or committed relationships I notice there are those that would never consider it, those that aren't even ready for the thought of dating, and those that don't know what they feel at this time. So, I wanted to throw this question out. I am not jaded or angry about remarriage, dating, or a committed serious relationship when so many others at about the same healing time as me are. In fact, I am looking forward to it. So I am wondering if it's because my X is no longer with the other woman, he has apologized, he has asked for forgiveness and would like reconciliation, although I am not on that page and has told me that he takes full responsibility for his actions and doesn't blame me. Do you think that's why I am not as against being with another person. So my question is:

1. Is your X still with the OW/OM
2. Have they apologized
3. Have they taken responsibility
4. Have they wanted reconciliation

I would really like some input on what each of you think on this topic and maybe answer one or all of the above questions. I think it would be a fascinating subject to study. So, maybe we can get our thoughts out now.

Is my H with the OW- I have no idea, assuming yes, because he told our son that she is his best friend! Has he apologized- no. Back when this first started a year and a half ago, he told me that he didn&#039;t mean for this to happen and that he thought about her all of the time. He, also, told me that I should be happy for him if they can work it out that they can be together. He thought the romantic side of me should love that! That is as much responsibility as he has taken. He has told me that she is just a symptom and that it is my fault that I did not break off my relationship from my parents (long story, but I only saw them 2-3 times a year) and because I worked last summer, rather than going down where he lives for the summer. At which time, he already told me he loved her and thought about her constantly! He has wanted no parts of a reconciliation...at all and laughed at any and all efforts I made...referring to me as desparate!

I am not sure if he is with her, I think so...he just says that he is sorry that it came to this, and he is tired of trying. He also has said that he knows he has &quot;some&quot; blame but I need to take most of the responsibility.
My friend and I were talking about this, He just walked away, the effort he makes with the girls is almost pathetic...Someday, he will realize how poorly he handled this and I feel kinda bad for him when that happens, sometimes you cant undo the damage that you have done

My ex is remarried but not to the ow that started all of this mess. He has never apologized nor taken responsibilites for his actions. He did ask me to reconcile about the time our divorce was final, we talked for 2 weeks and 2 weeks after that, he married a much younger woman he hardly knew.

My best bet is for me to just &quot;let it go&quot;---and I&#039;m trying really hard. I know that there are good guys out there, I haven&#039;t lost all hope, but my next relationship will be on my terms, when I&#039;m ready and until then I&#039;m going to grow stronger and live life!

He says he is no longer seeing the women. But I can&#039;t believe anything he tells me anymore. He said he was sorry that it happened this way. He has not asked to reconcile probably because he knows I would say no way. I can never trust him again. I don&#039;t need that in my life. Even though I do miss the company and companionship of having a spouse. I refuse to let someone disrespect me like that and then take him back. Forget it.

My stbx didn&#039;t have another woman. He was an abusive alcoholic, and he is still all alone by choice. No he never took responsibility for his abuse, Yes he has wanted reconciliation.

But it&#039;s not on the table. First he would have to recognize the damage his behavior did to me, and still does to our son. Second he would have to feel remorse for it. Third, he would have to repair it.

But he&#039;s not about to do any of that.....The divorce proceeds......

My stbx didn&#039;t have another woman. He was an abusive alcoholic, and he is still all alone by choice. No he never took responsibility for his abuse, Yes he has wanted reconciliation.

But it&#039;s not on the table. First he would have to recognize the damage his behavior did to me, and still does to our son. Second he would have to feel remorse for it. Third, he would have to repair it.

But he&#039;s not about to do any of that.....The divorce proceeds......

my soon to be ex is planning to move to where the ow lives and says he will eventually marry her. he has said that he isn&#039;t in love with me and that I shouldn&#039;t want to live with someone that doesn&#039;t love them. He has also said that I stopped wanting him for a husband a long time ago and that the ow has nothing to do with this. There has been no talk of responsibility or of reconciliation. As for another relationship, I don&#039;t know yet. I&#039;m not out of this one yet and have to find myself first. I married at 19 and went from my parents home to being a married woman. This has been a rather large blow to my self esteem, which has never been good to begin with. There is a man showing interest in me and wants to meet me. Someone I know from online and lives in my area. I don&#039;t think I&#039;m ready for that yet.

My stbx is with a new woman, not the one he left me for. He did apologize, said he took full responsibility for what happened, but never mentioned reconciling. Right now I don&#039;t feel like I ever want to be in another relationship...too scared, don&#039;t want my heart ripped out again, don&#039;t know if I could trust, etc. Will never remarry; that&#039;s for certain.
I am Catholic and even if I am divorced I can not remarry. That&#039;s ok with me. I believe I am getting used to being alone and rather like it (most of the time). I get lonely, but not so much for my stbx anymore since he is no longer the person I knew.

MY STBX PROBLEM IS HIS MOTHER AND SISTER. THEY ARE SO CONTROLLING THAT EVERYTHING HE DOES HAS TO BE APPROVED BY THEM. WELL, ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH I FILED FOR SEPARATION PAPERS. END OF EVERYTHING. HAS HE APOLIZIED ARE YOU KIDDING ME. HE BLAMES ME FOR EVERYTHING AND MORE. I WAS HIDING MY MONEY (I WISH I DID) NEVER CLEANED OR COOKED, AND SO ON. EVEN HIS LAWYER MUST HAVE GOTTEN FED UP WITH HIM BECAUSE HE SAID JUST SETTLE AND MOVE ON. DO I WANT TO DATE OR REMARRY, NO WAY, NO HOW, NOT NOW. I WANT TO BE FREE
JUST ME TO WORRY ABOUT. I WILL ALWAYS WORRY ABOUT MY CHILDREN BUT NOT ABOUT STBX. THEY MAKE THE WICKED WITCH OF THE WEST SEEM LIKE THE GOOD FAIRY GODMOTHER.

As far as I know he is with the OW, although she supposedly has her own apartment. He did apologize and take responsibility when he left. When aked to try for reconciliation through counseling he agreed at first, made it to one counselor appointment and then,nothing. No further effort towards reconciliation has been made on his part and I don&#039;t look for him to ever ask to come back.

My stbx is still will the OW but I hear he is cheating on her. I got an I&#039;m sorry I hurt you in an email but that&#039;s about it. He denies the affair even though I have cell phone records and emails saying how they were fantisizing about their future together. We could never get back together after everything he has done.

My ex just proposed to his girlfriend of two months on July 4th. He has never apologized or taking any responsibilities for all the pains that he has inflicted on me. He did asked me for a reconciliation after three months of the divorced became final, but I knew better because he would never change. Zebra don&#039;t lose their stripes and my ex will never learn to become a better human being. I&#039;m happy that he has finally found somebody else to be nasty to.

My stbx will never apologize because in her eyes she did nothing wrong. She says that my whole stance on her being hooked up with the &#039;girlfriend&#039; now is my &#039;insecurities&#039;. Even though everyone familiar with the situation agrees with my analysis of her &#039;emotional relationship&#039; with her.

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