Friday, October 10, 2008

Restored: Random Thoughts and Rice

Mistress is sick with pneumonia and hasn't been on much the past couple of days. Although I do understand completely, I do still miss spending time with Her. I am very glad that I can at times chat with Master during the day when He is at work.I do hope that Mistress and Master know that although I did mess up and not do my kneeling Tuesday morning as I was told, I am committed to them and to doing what is necessary. I do make mistakes...perhaps at times too many.I am wondering if there is more I can do to show Mistress and Master how serious I am about belonging to them and being committed only to them. How can I prove this to them? Do I wait for them to give me more instructions that give them more control? Do I find ways on my own to show that I want to give more to them and am willing to put forth more effort?

Tuesday night as punishment for not doing my morning kneeling, Master had me kneel on uncooked rice. I was to kneel for 15 minutes, take a 15 minute break and then kneel on the rice for 15 more minutes.The first 15 minutes were horrible. It didn't take long at all for the rice to hurt my knees. It felt like it could have drawn blood. This was my first experience kneeling on rice. I cried hard through almost the entire 15 minutes.Sobbing uncontrollably, I messaged Master and begged to not have to do the next 15 minutes. It already hurt and I knew I would not make it for another 15 minutes. Master told me I had to do the next 15 minutes.Mad, upset and hurting I knelt back down on the rice. Instantly the rice cut in and the pain started where it had left off when i was done with the first 15 minutes. I could not do the entire 15 minutes. I pushed myself to do the 10 minutes that I did do.I took pictures of my knees and sent them to Master as he had instructed and also set one as my wallpaper on my computer. It is a constant reminder to do as I am told or face whatever consequence Master or Mistress may have in store for me.I have not missed my kneeling these past 2 days since having to kneel on the rice. I do not intend to miss it again. Master said if I do, then it is back on the rice for an additional 15 minutes with no breaks in between for a total of 45 minutes. This girl would never make it for that long.