News & Commentary

Indulgences

SEE THAT HOLE!?! SEE THAT?!! RATS USED TO COME OUT OF THERE! NOW IT’S GUSHING BARPHING CATS!

DUCKY! DUCKY! Do you see that hole, DUCKY! DUCKY! ? RATS! used to come out of there!

Politico reports this week that even apocalypse-baiting Republican stalwarts are admitting that TRUMPLIGULA! is completely BATSHIT! crazy and ready to be sedated with horse tranquilizers and readied to face indictment for treason.

A multi-sourced investigation by Politico on TRUMPLIGULA!’s obvious face-biting insanity found, “These are Republicans close to Trump who claimed that the President Of The United States is paranoid, delusional, and believes that Obama wiretapped him. Wallace’s comments on MSNBC were a statement that the President might be mentally ill.

Before anyone asks, the constitutional standard for the removal of a president contains no discussion of mental fitness. It would be difficult to nearly impossible to remove Trump from office due to mental illness. It would have to be demonstrated that Trump is physically unable to perform the job of president.”

The 25th Amendment, thankfully, will delivery the administration of the US Government to Psycho Ayatollah Pence who will use his newfound powers to provoke the apocalypse that he just fucking knows presages the Rapture that will fix everything.

The only solace is that billionaires in New Zealand in their bunkers will be eating radioactive rocks and ash like everyone else.

@JNOV: It looks like I have to go out of town for a work trip, and I should get confirmation soon. I’ll be in Santa Barbara from April 21st through the 24th, and then Newport Beach from April 25th through the 28th. That just sounds terrrrrrrible!!!

Also, did CONgressman Devil Numbnutz commit a whole passel of felonies today during that press conference in which he announced that he had leaked intel and then marched over to the White Trash House to deliver the deets to the target of his own committee’s investigation? I’m no lawyer, but I have stayed in a Holiday Inn many times.

I don’t know if he committed a crime – possibly obstruction of justice.

What I know he did do is ensure an independent commission. Okay, maybe not because some people are fucking stupid. I’ve been bugging the shit out of Reichert and calling for a 9/11 type commission.

JNOV

11:08 pm • Wednesday • March 22, 2017

@¡Andrew!: Drive from Santa Barbara down US 1 near sunset. There’s one place before you hit Malibu, the road starts descending, that offers a lovely vista. It’s not simply the ocean – there’s something I can’t describe, but I love seeing it.

JNOV

11:21 pm • Wednesday • March 22, 2017

Wait. Nunes was on the transition team, and he said that there were multiple FISA warrants, and the information was collected legally?

1. He should have recused himself from the investigation from the get go.
2. He might have really fucked up trying to cover Trump’s claims that something inappropriate went down. Why would he be all like, “Oh, for sure, multiple FISA warrants – everything legal. But I’m troubled, and the pres needed to hear this information before the House Intelligence Committee.”? Sounds like gatekeeper CYA shenanigans.

SanFranLefty

11:24 pm • Wednesday • March 22, 2017

@¡Andrew!: I may need to (officially) move to the Central Valley and run against Nunes.

When’s the reunion? We have a pull-out sofa couch in SF, or there are peeps in Shallow Alto with bathrooms larger than our condo.

JNOV

2:17 am • Thursday • March 23, 2017

@SanFranLefty: Ha ha! I’d love to stay on your couch if I come. I think these things are in October, but I’m not sure. My class is so uninvolved. We’re lucky if someone sends an update for the stupid alumni magazine. Once I submitted how much student loan debt I have and how it was worthless to me, and I bitched about other stuff. They didn’t publish my legitimate rant.

¡Andrew!

5:00 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

So sahwee, no Deathcare vote 4 U 2day.

Or wait, there is!

No, actually there’s not.

The ‘pubs will be back to their regularly scheduled shrieking and throwing their feces tomorrow.

nojo

5:08 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

@JNOV: As someone who used to work at a stupid alumni magazine, part of my job was dealing with those updates. New grads submitted frequently, but the curve fell off over time.

But this was pre-Internet, pre-Facebook in particular. I don’t know what the old rag does now, but I would have long ago recommended saving some (very expensive) paper/postage costs and shoving that shit online.

¡Andrew!

5:36 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

@JNOV: One of the strangest updates from my undergrad newsletter was a sweet stoner hunk who grew up to be a serious cop. W. T. F. I never saw that one coming. They did a feature profile on him riding around in the squad car, getting yelled at for being a loose cannon, almost getting his partner whacked two days before retirement, etc. Still married to his college sweetheart (awwwwww) who was a totally heinous bitch (oooooohhhhh). No kids tho (she probably ate them at birth).

JNOV

10:00 pm • Thursday • March 23, 2017

@nojo: I get TWO! I get one from the university and one from the law school and a shitton of gimme $. Our class gave the least amt of graduation gift/foundation/we’ve-already-been-fleeced/isn’t there a multibillion endowment? money in recent history. We were shamed. We gave zero shits. When they send me emails asking me to call prospective brown students and try talk them out of Harvard – that’s easy. Yale? No way. My pitch: Your first year will be hell. Might as well be surrounded by beauty while you suffer. Plus Boston is racist AF.

@¡Andrew!: Hahahahahaha! K. I’ve been looking for this photo, but I can’t find it online. SanFranLefty probably saw it (M.P.), because that shit went VIRAL like herpes. We worked for the same firm, and I don’t know how, but he found himself transferred to Hawaii. He sent in a full-body shot standing in front of a surfboard. You could hear the instant ovulation.

¡Andrew!

3:50 pm • Friday • March 24, 2017

Aaaaaaaaand down Deathcare goes in flames, all because it wasn’t cruel enough and didn’t kill enough people.

Well, ha ha, eat shit and die, fascists–or even worse–sign up for the predatory, junk insurance you were pimping in your own bill.