Gossip Girl Could Use Some Boundaries

This week on Gossip Girl, Blair faked it until she made it into Columbia. Little Jenny Noriega faked innocence, but was she ever that innocent anyway? Chuck, the louche billionaire and recovering love puppy, downed Dom like it was Dasani only to reveal his true feelings to Lily, who may not even be sick. (Have you guys seen Lily’s hair? Frédéric Fekkai must have its own cancer ward. It’s that lovely.) All in all, the Van der Woodsen/Bass/Humphrey conundrum can be summed up in one simple Tolstoy quote: “All happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Check out this week’s best comments (chosen from only 200 total! Have you all given up on your favorite show?!), compiled bySarcasticMeow.

Realer Than a Billionaire Referring to Reading a Newspaper As “Work”
• Vanessa’s heading to Haiti? Someone should tell Wyclef that there’s another natural disaster heading his way. —mullanedavid

• Plus 20 for William Van der Woodsen’s medical treatment of Lily involving him just randomly stroking her face. He’s obviously a doctor the same way Dr. Pepper is. —feed_the_ducks

• In these times of great stress, Rufus clings to his waffles more than ever, even placing them on an actual pedestal. Plus 7—purpleandgreen

• Plus 5 for Lily in that bright shiny pink dress, because I’ve always wondered what an aging Barbie would look like. —ninotshka

• Plus 20 for Blair asking Nate to seat her next to an injured player (but not one on scholarship) at his game. I know that underneath her prim and proper façade she was just a lacrosstitute at heart. —nurseluvbass

• The robes, the coke, the parade of women to fill the void for the one he wants but can’t have Chuck has officially morphed into Steff from “Pretty in Pink.” Plus 5—ccseb

• Serena so dumb she puts William Keith in between herself and Rufus instead of between herself at Eric? Plus 100—tulipsaki

• Serena’s dress can only use so much material, or they start to feel heavy, which taxes her brain. Thus, as the necklines rise, covering her boobs, the hemlines hike up accordingly, revealing her legs in their entirety, if not some of the bits atop them.Plus 6, as six in one, half dozen of another —birkin_bag

• Serena’s golden like retriever tendencies took over this episode when virtually peed all over William and buried him in her yard for later. Plus 20 because next episode Rufus will be finding a dead rabbit outside his loft door. —kdow03

• Serena says “I heard what you said in your speech”. Of course you did. It’s a speech. It’s meant to be heard by everyone in the room. But this is Serena we’re talking about. We’re lucky she even realizes the event is being held in Will’s honor. Plus 2 —jnp1013

Faker Than Anyone Ever Caring About What Vanessa Does
• Jenny’s hair has gone from “extensions?” to “OMG she has plastic hait!” On your head, love, those curls look less Taylor Swift and more My Little Pony. Minus 3—iamreallyblair

• If Chuck had really snorted that cocaine, he wouldn’t have welcome Blair with a vaguely drunk “Good morning sunshine.” He would have gone all “WHOTHEHELLAREYOU.” Still, minus only 5—chuckit

• Minus 10 for Serena’s blue dress. I think it was made of rubber. —persistent_cat

• Minus 10 for Blair’s thank you text to Chuck. Please, he got you out of NYU and into an Ivy for God’s sake!! At the very least the man deserves a BJ. —nurseluvbass

• Vanessa’s sticking with her Native American-inspired fashion and wearing a teepee as a jacket. Minus 4, or a plus 4 No, definitely a minus 4. — qtipkiwis

• Spotted: A giant head shot of Dan framed and hanging in Vanessa’s dorm room. Add some candles and it would have been a shrine. Minus 10. — JAH430

• Nate wouldn’t play Lacrosse. He’d play a sport where his bangs would be free and liberated and where shirts are optional. Minus 3. Because when it’s all you got… —dignell

• Serena in a coat closet and not having sex felt… off, to me. Minus 4. — PurpleandGreen