83.8%

83.8%

Hullo Everyone!
I am a seventeen years old, testosterone-charged, also cholesterol-full, somewhat ugly, significantly poor, girlfriend-less, slightly wacky Indian student. Well, you’d find a million like me in this beautiful country. I exist everywhere.
A few months ago, after working like a slave, I passed the XII board exams, bagging 83.8% in five subjects. 83.8 sounds good, right?It’s not!!!It’s appalling and horrendous and absolutely ridiculous!
No one is supposed to score in sixties and seventies and eighties in this country – that’s a law. You either fail or plunder 95 and above. Or else, you’ll be looked down upon like a spoiled brat, a blacksheep, and a life-size blot on humanity. In this regard, I think grown-ups need some serious fine-tuning. Or a session with sri sri Ravishankar about the art of living and let living.
Anyway, it’s wrong to blame grown-ups directly. But as you delve in to find the best reason that could explain this sheer nutso ideology of perceiving such good marks an awful figure, you’d see how, indirectly, grown-ups are responsible for every single problem in our lives. Except for the problems caused by girlfriends (but girlfriends are kind of sweet and you get to kiss them and everything, so it’s okay ). But grown-ups deserve no forgiveness.
Grown-ups play a pivotal role in screwing our lives. First, they don’t know how to run a country. Second, they can’t produce enough for everyone. Third, they can’t stop producing kids for the love of God. All these problems are related, actually. You have a country scrambling for a handful of college seats. Not that there aren’t enough colleges, but there aren’t enough good colleges. And not for 83.8%, for sure. So that’s why 83.8% is a sin. And that’s why I become a traitor. And so, here I am, googling furiously “top colleges in India”, “83.8% what to do?” and “do English graduates even get a job in India?” at the age when I should be getting lessons of enlightenment from Sahara Knite’s vivid Kamasutra. Ironically, in India, people don’t believe in Kamasutra. Or sex. We are asexual, or hermaphrodites, or anything with single-purpose penises, which certainly have nothing to do with reproduction. Reproduction is explained through the remarkably dumb theory called children-seep-from-fountains-above-and-angels-guide-them-to-the-parents. However, nobody points out that angels would stop sending babies to earth if you consider condoms, or family planning. We belong to a land where grown-ups have been fooling us, themselves and even their Gods since the dawn of civilization. I could write a good six hundred page book titled “Why grown-ups should be put in a shuttle and launched into outer space? ”
Anyway, it’s MY blog and it should be about ME. And so, I am not going to give them much space in my column. I’ll tell you about stuffs I’m going through right now, and about life, generally. I’ll also tell you about myself. It might sound familiar, but it’s sure as hell going to be interesting.