Where the Jobs Are

We keep hearing that the economy is heating up, but unemployment remains high (and even rose last month). The stock market has rebounded, and corporate profits (and bonuses) are high. The latest news is that American companies actually are hiring! In fact, they are hiring a lot. Just not in the USA. Caterpillar hired 15,000 workers, but over half of those were overseas. Overall, American companies have created 1.4 million jobs in other countries.

Part of this is because our tax laws give breaks to companies who hire elsewhere, but part is also because the economies of other countries are doing better than ours is. And the situation is likely to get worse, as the US rankings for higher education are falling.

This was written by Iron Knee. Posted on Wednesday, December 29, 2010, at 1:16 pm. Filed under Irony. Bookmark the permalink. Follow comments here with the RSS feed. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.

12 Comments

DontMindMe wrote:

I’d like to make you a business offer.

Seriously. This is a real offer. In fact, you really can’t turn me down, as you’ll come to understand in a moment…

Here’s the deal. You’re going to start a business or expand the one you’ve got now. It doesn’t really matter what you do or what you’re going to do. I’ll partner with you no matter what business you’re in – as long as it’s legal.

But I can’t give you any capital – you have to come up with that on your own. I won’t give you any labor – that’s definitely up to you. What I will do, however, is demand you follow all sorts of rules about what products and services you can offer, how much (and how often) you pay your employees, and where and when you’re allowed to operate your business. That’s my role in the affair: to tell you what to do.

Now in return for my rules, I’m going to take roughly half of whatever you make in the business each year. Half seems fair, doesn’t it? I think so. Of course, that’s half of your profits.

You’re also going to have to pay me about 12% of whatever you decide to pay your employees because you’ve got to cover my expenses for promulgating all of the rules about who you can employ, when, where, and how. Come on, you’re my partner. It’s only “fair.”

Now… after you’ve put your hard-earned savings at risk to start this business, and after you’ve worked hard at it for a few decades (paying me my 50% or a bit more along the way each year), you might decide you’d like to cash out – to finally live the good life.

Whether or not this is “fair” – some people never can afford to retire – is a different argument. As your partner, I’m happy for you to sell whenever you’d like… because our agreement says, if you sell, you have to pay me an additional 20% of whatever the capitalized value of the business is at that time.

I know… I know… you put up all the original capital. You took all the risks. You put in all of the labor. That’s all true. But I’ve done my part, too. I’ve collected 50% of the profits each year. And I’ve always come up with more rules for you to follow each year. Therefore, I deserve another, final 20% slice of the business.

Oh… and one more thing…

Even after you’ve sold the business and paid all of my fees… I’d recommend buying lots of life insurance. You see, even after you’ve been retired for years, when you die, you’ll have to pay me 50% of whatever your estate is worth.

After all, I’ve got lots of partners and not all of them are as successful as you and your family. We don’t think it’s “fair” for your kids to have such a big advantage. But if you buy enough life insurance, you can finance this expense for your children.

All in all, if you’re a very successful entrepreneur… if you’re one of the rare, lucky, and hard-working people who can create a new company, employ lots of people, and satisfy the public… you’ll end up paying me more than 75% of your income over your life. Thanks so much.

I’m sure you’ll think my offer is reasonable and happily partner with me… but it doesn’t really matter how you feel about it because if you ever try to stiff me – or cheat me on any of my fees or rules – I’ll break down your door in the middle of the night, threaten you and your family with heavy, automatic weapons, and throw you in jail.

That’s how civil society is supposed to work, right? This is Amerika, isn’t it?

That’s the offer Amerika gives its entrepreneurs. And the idiots in Washington wonder why there are no new jobs…

I don’t know where that person lives, but here in MA, we have lots of grant and loan programs to help with capital at both the state and local level. In Boston, our government supported Main Streets program will help you with marketing if you have a brick and mortars small business. We also have business incubators at several colleges and universities, including the public ones. Maybe he’s just living in the wrong place.

Nice rant Porter…almost convincing. For myself, I’m happy that we still have a shred of government of the people keeping an eye on business people like you, Madoff, etc. who make a living scamming decent people. You guys have gained some momentum in the last 20 – 25 years but we won’t let you win.

1032, Thanks for the link — absolutely hilarious! Very ironic that the name “Porter Stansberry” is the real name of someone who got nailed for defrauding thousands of people. I think I like the government’s business proposition a lot more than the one that was offered by Stansberry.

Nobody seems to take note of the vast amount of “public” (eh, socialist?) infrastructure that most businesses take for granted that’s provided at taxpayer expense. In a certain sense, the public is a business partner. See Schumacher’s last chapter of “Small is Beautiful” for a sensible take on this.