Well, these are not exactly new shoes. Then again, they kinda are. You see… I've had these shoes for so long that I can't even remember when I bought them. But it was years and years ago. And I wore them and wore them and wore them - until I wore the cork and soles completely out.

During all those years Birkenstock, for some unfathomable reason, discontinued this style - which is the absolute BEST style they ever had. So I could not buy new ones.

Lucky for me, I know about Birkenstock Express in Corvallis, Oregon, which is where I sent these old, beat-up, worn out shoes to receive new soles and footbeds. Can't say this was cheap. But it was less than a new pair of shoes - AND - I still have my wonderful style that I have loved forever.

The only problem now is that I have to break these new old shoes in again. How long till the footbeds turn black and are fitted perfectly to the shape of my feet? Only the shadow knows….

If you have an old, well-loved (but almost worn out) pair of Birks, I can heartily recommend the Birkenstock Express. They have a website. Go there. You will be glad you did.

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Now this one really drives me nuts.Somehow people have discovered the word
“INFER” as though it just fell like manna from the heavens into their loving
arms and they are just compelled to use it to show how smart they are.The only problem is that 9 times out of
10 they are using it incorrectly.

If someone is screaming at you at the top of their lungs and
jumping up and down while their face turns red, you might INFER that they are
angry with you – or, at the very least, pretty upset about something.This is because their behavior has
IMPLIED as much.Their behavior
did NOT infer it.Their behavior
IMPLIED it.

I often scream and jump up and down when someone says
something like, “The data INFERS that we should watch the bottom line a little
closer.”First of all, I can’t
stand “bottom liners.”Aside from
that, I scream and jump up and down because “data” cannot infer anything.Ever.Data has no brain with which to think and, therefore, no ability
to think.Well, except for Data on
Star Trek – but that’s another post entirely and since he’s an android...Well, you get my drift.

In fact you can never know what someone else has
inferred.Unless, of course, they
tell you.And “things” and
“situations” cannot think or reason so they cannot INFER anything.Ever.

Only a sentient being – like you – can INFER (make a
conclusion about) the status of a given situation based upon the information you
receive through one or more of your senses.But aren’t you just the talented one?Not only can you INFER (conclude)
what’s what based upon received information, you can also IMPLY (indirectly suggest)
a particular status of something to others by your body language, your actual
language, and/or your actions. From your actions, those others might INFER (come to the
conclusion) that you are angry, sad, happy, or just nuttier than a Christmas
fruitcake.Because your demeanor
has IMPLIED as much.But unless
they tell you, you will never know what or if they INFERRED anything at all
from what you IMPLIED by your words or actions.

So what?So
never allow anyone to INFER that you are a fruitcake based upon what your words
or actions IMPLY. That’s
what.

Correct:His
shifty eyes and many lies IMPLIED (suggested) his guilt.

Correct:I can INFER (conclude) that he is guilty based upon his behavior.

Correct:I will
never again mess up these two wonderful words because AngelMay has IMPLIED that
she will shoot me with a spitball – twice – if I do.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Listen up!Those who do not learn this one will be shot.Survivors will be lined up and shot again.Twice. With licorice spitballs.

There is a HUGE difference between the words “then” and
“than.”HUGE.BIG.ENORMOUS!

“Then” refers to a period of time.“Then” = “at that time.”

“Then” also can mean “in that case.”

“If it doesn’t rain, THEN (in that case) we will go on a
picnic.”

“If AngelMay shoots me, THEN (in that case/at that time) I
will call the police.”

“The police THEN (at that time) may actually show up to save
me.”

“Than” is generally used as a comparison or a contrast.

Examples:

“I like the blue one better THAN
the red one.”

“An elephant is bigger THAN a mouse.”

“Getting shot by AngelMay is easier
THAN I thought it would be.”

NEVER put the word “THEN” in any of those sentences – or you
will be shot, drawn, and quartered – not necessarily in that order.Calling the police will not help
you.Because by THEN I will have
reloaded rather THAN waiting around, aimlessly, to be arrested. So don't make me have to do this. I hate licorice!

So there you have it.If you learn this, THEN I will be very happy with you.

And I’d much rather be very happy with you THAN unhappy with
you.Got it?

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

There is no "E" in Grammar. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. NO "E"! At all. Ever.
If you put an "e" in "grammar" then you are an evil person and will always fail the test.
"E" is for Evil. Bad. Not good.

So don't EVER put an "e" in "grammar". Period. End of lesson.

Grammar/Spelling lesson #2:

There is no such word as "alot." This word does not exist. It has never existed. And if I have my way it will never exist. EVER. What the heck, anyway. How do people come up with these things? Alot? Does this rhyme with "ballot"? My eyes are rolling around in my head.

It is "a lot" - not "alot" (which does not exist or have any meaning other than that the writer doesn't have a clue.)

Correct: I have a lot of money.
Incorrect: I have alot of education. (Not correct in either sense.)

People see what you write. Please let them know that you have "a lot" of education and good sense. This will be on the test that you will be unaware you are taking. Please do not fail.

Grammar/Spelling lesson #3:

There is no "E" in the middle of the word "separate." Ever. So don't put one there. Ever.
If you do, then you are once again Evil. The word is SepArate. Now go write that 10 thousand times until you have learned it and never again stick that evil "e" where the awesome "a" should be.