Feedjit

Monday, November 12, 2012

"If growing up means it would be beneath my dignity to climb a tree, I'll never grow up, never grow up

never grow up! Not me!" -J.M. Barrie

Sunday before the previous one, I got a text message that
said I need to be available by Saturday because one of our friends, let’s call
her V, will make an important announcement. Instantly, the group went abuzz with
talks on what could it be and with few exchanges, we concluded that it's either she’s
pregnant, or she’s getting married, or she's pregnant and she's getting married, or she’s pregnant but she aborted the baby.
During our chat, I said I’d rather hear her say she got pregnant but went for
abortion because I didn't think V should be a mother at this age and at this
point in our life.

We’ve been friends for eight years since college and while
most people would say we’re old enough in our age of 25, I don’t think the
level of thinking required for such age is something we all have right now.
What do we know? We live with our parents. We talk about art, sex, drinking,
drugs, boys, girls, and then sex again. How can any of us be a mother, or a father?
Least of all having a family of our own. It’s unfathomable and everyone agreed.

Saturday night arrived and the planned bar hopping started
in Metrowalk. We’re already impatient. V said she’ll be late because they just
finished their taping. Around 11 in the evening, she finally arrived wearing a
black loose dress. She’s pregnant.

Almost all of us in the group are working for different
media networks. Writers, producers, production staff – that’s who we are.
Meet-ups are rare and are hard to plan. We have conflicting schedules. We’re
always on-call and everything is just too unpredictable. It was two months ago
since the last time we met and we really had no clue as to what’s happening or
what happened to her.

She kissed and hugged each and every one of us and asked, “so,
what now?” We’re all smiling but I know all of us were confused and flooded
with questions. So I led the way and said “you tell us.” At that point, she
spilled everything out.

V is six months pregnant and until the last time we’ve met,
she herself didn’t have a clue. She said at times she had morning sickness but
she thought it’s only natural because of her demanding job. After going to the
doctor who confirmed everything, she told her parents of her condition.
Naturally, they were mad. But I guess what made it worse is that the baby’s
father is married and have two kids. He’s an agent of the country’s law
enforcement agency and acted as “source” for V. The “source-journalist”
relationship turned into a romantic one but all these happened with V keeping
his boyfriend of four to five years. We all knew about this except for the baby
part. She said she already broke up with her “official boyfriend” and tried
doing the same with Mr. Soon-to-be-daddy. He refused. He said they’re keeping the
baby and their relationship as well.

I got sad. Maybe because I’m afraid for her or I’m selfish
enough to be afraid of losing her to motherhood. I guess she thought of this as
our initial reaction so she said,” ano ba kayo wala namang magbabago. We’ll
still party, travel all around and do crazy stuff.”

As the night went on, the mood slowly changed. “Grief” turned
into excitement. After all, the baby will be the first for the group. Our
conversation went from feeding bottles, cribs, baby shower to “who’s got the
bigger dick, Mr. Agent or Mr. Former Le Boyfriend?” Of course she didn’t take even a drop of alcohol that night but she still danced with us.

By the end of
the night, I delivered a melodramatic speech where I said she didn’t have to
worry even a bit. That no matter what happens, we’re here for her and her baby
and that we love her just as much. At 4:30 in the morning, we slept together in mattresses
sprawled on the floor in the bedroom of one of our friend's house in Pasig. By morning before going home, we dropped by at Rustans
and checked on the infant section.

I realized this is a mark of an end of an era for us. No
matter how hard we try to be Peter Pans, we cannot deny that we’re getting
older. Everyday, we earn a certain responsibility that needs maturity. We’re 25
and in a few months we’ll be 26 and then a few more years and we’ll hit the big
three zero. My head is swelling just by thinking. It’s scary and I don’t know
if I could handle the meaning of getting old. Today we’re partying and having
sex, the next we could be fathers and mothers buying diapers and milk. In a
near future our skins would get dry and crumpled our hair silver, our knees
weak.

These are thoughts brought about by the idea of one of my closest friends having a baby. Maybe that was the reason for the initial sadness doubled by fear. This is the reality. This is where we are heading - the world of adulthood. Ready or not, it's coming on our way.

It’s the irony of life and no one can evade it. In the end,
we could only hope that the child within our hearts rise above, like the song says. But right now,
we decided this calls for a celebration. They reminded me that night I was the one who promised them that we will be young forever. Right now I'm not sure if I can keep with that promise, but you know what? It's always worth the try.

Come now baby. Your beautiful godfathers and godmothers are
waiting anxiously for you.