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Breathe

“Here’s good.” She said.

A man and his wife started driving off the highway because she wanted to see if they could go somewhere where there was no sound. They drive through a dusty plain until they can’t see the road, and then they get out of the car. No rush of cars, horns, alarms, bells. Nothing surrounds them except a single tree in the distance.

The car’s warm engine crackles and pops softly. She raises an eyebrow at him. He responds with a sigh and he leads her towards the distant tree. It’s hot, and it’s a long walk. He fans the both of them with a used road map. A little over half way the wife sees the tree clearly. A dryness has spread through its branches like a cancer. The husband turns to look back, seeing that his wife had stopped walking. For the briefest of moments they were alone.

“Here’s good.” She lies down on the ground, and he joins her. She rests her head on his chest, closing her eyes, imagining nothing, listening to the only sound in the world; his heartbeat. It was bigger than anything in that moment, it was the only thing she felt, and when she closed her eyes it was all she knew. If she so much as lifted her head, opened her eyes, it would be gone forever. Of course his heart would keep beating, but it wouldn’t be the same. It would never be the same.

Unaware she had been holding her breath, she finally relaxed, and let it go.

I like how you were able to convey so much for the reader to feel and self-illustrate while hardly having to say anything (relative to what might have been the word count in a much larger work). Effective and touching. Keep it up!

Constructive Critique: Only thing I can say (and I’m not perfect, I get harped on this a lot too in my creative writing) is that you switch tenses between past and present in the first paragraph: “Started” and then everything else is in present.

The repetition of the simple words, “Here’s good.” casts a spellbinding affect after the second time. This couple is in tune with each other but I couldn’t figure out what the reason for this sharing might be. Someone else mentioned the tags and a whole other scenario developed. An aha.
Still this is a poignant story which tugs at the heartstrings. ;-)

NO. Don’t remove it. It’s evocative. It needs to be there. No other reader mentioned being overwhelmed of not liking it. No. Leave it. “-)
To me, and I’m nobody, I need clarification of what and why, then the story will be complete. Yes?

exactly. don’t worry, i’m not going to start hacking the story up. i might not even touch it. but if i do i would try to get some of the things from the tags put into the story to give it that extra oomph