Everton spanked Leyton Orient 5-0 in the CapitalOneRumbelowsMilkCupRolaColaFootballCupLeagueCup on Wednesday night, with new signing Kevin Mirallas scoring twice on his full Toffees debut after joining from Olympiakos just ten days ago – though the goal of the night definitely came before kick-off…

Anfield Cat is dead*, all hail Goodison Dog!

Meanwhile, high in the stands, a strange natural phenonemom was taking place as Marouane Fellaini appeared to split into two seperate identical organisms – with the only distinguishing feature being that one appeared to be dressed in a sleeveless bin bag…