Friday, November 6, 2009

Teachability

Teachability is keeping me sober today. Tracy Chapman has a song I used to listen to back in the days when a pint of vodka per night was the norm. Part of the lyrics are, "I've done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right." That was then. This is now.

Having alcoholism has nothing to do with moral ability. In my case it was activated by the poor coping skills of an 11-year old girl and her very young and inexperienced mother. If it hadn't been that it probably would've been activated by something else but no matter. That 11-year old girl is being given a golden opportunity at 47 to change the pattern.

The most difficult part of this newfound clarity of mine is realizing that there are people in my life for whom my alcoholism is somewhat convenient. Also, realizing that I've gone a long way towards keeping it convenient for them and only I can make the necessary changes to stop that from happening again. We alcoholics make fabulous scapegoats and the longer we fail to solve our drinking dilemma the more vulnerable we become. I, for one, am sick and tired of letting it happen over and over and over again.

Solving my alcoholism is about taking my own power back but I'm no more capable of doing that now than when I was an adolescent. I don't have that kind of power on my own. Luckily, I'm not on my own with it anymore. I have access to another power and right now it's speaking , among others, through Eric Frances over at PlanetWaves:

You have the moxie, the charm, the style, energy and most of all, the personal integrity required to succeed in the way that you want to. In fact, you can forget about everthing on that list except for the last item. Success does not usually happen fast, and we have good reason to question the kind that does. What I am telling you is that you have solid reasons to have faith in yourself. So what if various elements of your romantic (and professional) life make about as much sense as two jigsaw puzzles mixed together. Who cares if there are those nights you feel like you're holed up in a raft on the ocean of your own existence. You actually know who you are. You actually believe in yourself.

Angela, I have been reading your blog since last year, I am struggling with my alcoholism, I just wanted you to know I admire your courage to write on here, I want to be able to do this, because the meetings have scared me off.Cara

Angela, I am so proud of you and what you are doing. As I sit here and listen to Bob Seger, Running Against the Wind, I so relate. As for me it is a daily decision to us or not use. Today I choose not to... That is as far as I can plan.

What is Eclectic Recovery?

Hi. I'm Angela. Eclectic Recovery is my blog and I welcome you to its pages.

ER began as an exploration into my ongoing issues with addiction/mental illness and the solutions I employed and experiences I went through attempting to navigate a course to health. Mostly they have been unsuccessful and ridiculous. Such, I find, is much of life.

My own problems with addiction have led me to catch onto the fact that virtually the entire world is addicted and that a forced detox is imminent. Peak oil, climate change & continued destruction, imperialism, corruption, global financial and food insecurity - these things will not go away just because we don't look.

My recent intense self-education into these issues still feels way behind the curve. At the same time, I realize that the majority of folks still can't stomach the topics and are in deep denial of our dilemma. But becoming informed and taking action, accepting responsbility and stepping up to the plate are going to, at the very least, make it much easier when you release that last breath. At best, you could get to be part of a revolution for change that will move us from an oiil-based, patriarchally defined way of life towards a reverence based society wherein all life is honored and we become, again, just another part of that life.

There's a lot of information out there and I believe I've gotten pretty good at separating the wheat from the chaff. I am called to provide anyone who happens to visit ER the good information I'm finding and attempt to engage them in action.