Friday, 23 September 2011

Only Straight Uggos Need Apply

Clearly, the fact that a significant number of the kind of Republican who'd want to watch their presidential candidates bitching at each other are classless shitheads is hardly news. What's more aggravating, in the sense that so many people think he's conceivably presidential material (even if few of them would have him as their choice), is Santorum's comments on the recently repeal of DADT:

I would say any type of sexual activity has no place in the military. The fact they are making a point to include it as a provision within the military that we are going to recognize a group of people and give them a special privilege to and removing Don't Ask Don't Tell I think tries to inject social policy into the military.

This is one of those nonsensical, ugly answers that overloads your logic circuits so hard that you have to sit down for a while and try and piece your shattered brain back together. I'd like to make fun of it, but I'm just overwhelmed by the possibilities. It would be like catching David Cameron in bed with Margaret Thatcher, whilst both were dressed in stocking and Nazi armbands and singing "Fuck the Miners" to the chorus of "Panic" by the Smiths. I mean, what are you supposed to focus on?

This is probably one of the clearest demonstrations yet that for a large number of people on the American Right, homosexuality is completely inseparable from homosexual sex. Letting gays in the military is a "special privilege", you see, because they'd presumably find it easier to do the nasty than all those poor straight guys would. You know, the same way letting black people into the army is a special privilege, because of how it's harder to see them during a night mission.

Obviously, if Santorum doesn't think soldiers should have themselves any poon tang, then that's his right. On his first day in the Oval, he's welcome to issue an executive order forcing the military to become completely celibate (and then watch it collapse into anarchy and cannibalism in, ooh, three weeks or so). In the meantime, banning gays from the military makes exactly as much sense as banning handsome, charming men. With the greatest respect to my gay friends, I don't believe a single one of them would get more ass than would George Clooney, should they all decide to take up arms together.

There's little more reprehensible than someone telling a whole group of his fellow human beings that giving them the exact same treatment should be considered a privilege. "Hey, just as a favour to you, how about I let you have the same opportunities I got, huh?"