tomorrow is my birthday, i put out a myspace bulletin asking everyone to come out and have a drink with me. we'll see how that one goes. bleeegh.

freckleface2727

Aug 22 2006, 07:48 AM

[size=2][color=#33CCFF]

QUOTE(laurenann @ Aug 22 2006, 08:51 AM)

freckle, visiting with my old friends is always so bittersweet.

tomorrow is my birthday, i put out a myspace bulletin asking everyone to come out and have a drink with me. we'll see how that one goes. bleeegh.

Happy Birthday Laurenann!!!!!!!

freckleface2727

Aug 22 2006, 01:15 PM

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art...It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.— C. S. Lewis

thought this was so heart-feltedly true.

crazyoldcatlady

Aug 22 2006, 06:55 PM

ooo we need to bump the quote of the day thread, you people always have relevent and thought provoking qutoes, not shitty ones like "the sun will come out tomorrow" or "when god closes a door...."

battygurl

Aug 24 2006, 02:13 AM

Today I realized I've been using the wrong gender pronouns to refer to someone, because I'd made an assumption. I feel like an idiot. I'm sure the person doesn't know (because you don't refer to someone in the third person while they're there), but I'm embarrassed about all the times I've been talking with their friends and used the wrong pronouns. Gah. I just hate this feeling, like I'm trapped in something I said, and I obsess over it. Boo.

I shouldn't be allowed out in public sometimes.

freckleface2727

Aug 24 2006, 04:28 AM

battygurl,when you know better, you DO better.

that's an oprah quote, and if that makes it cheesy, I'm ok w/ it, bc I totally believe it to be true.it was an accident, you're human.if it makes you feel better, talk about this person to people you both know and get it Right, so you kinda cover yourself , altho, try to be more sublte than say "...so I need to remember to call Pat, Who's a GUY, to set up that meeting for next week."

seriously, don't be so hard on yourself.

hugs !

lux

Aug 24 2006, 07:26 AM

ooh batty, if it was a big deal they probably would have corrected you. and i'm sure you're not the first person to make the mistake.

but then again it's possible to feel like an idiot because of things that you do alone and no one else knows about them. yeah, that's me:)

have to go to the international students meeting tomorrow. just so i can say that i've tried. i hope they have better biscuits this time.

ginger_kitty

Aug 24 2006, 03:57 PM

Oh, batty, I did that once and felt awful too. But don't worry it'll be okay, you eventually get over the mortification!

battygurl

Aug 25 2006, 01:45 AM

Thanks all. I was feeling very cringe-y yesterday, but I know better now and hopefully I'll be more willing to ask for clarification if I don't know in the future, rather than making assumptions. I just feel like I should know better, ya know? I hate being reminded that I'm not perfect, even though it's a good thing in the long run.

The upside is that I'm getting better at reading body language (something I can be completely oblivious to). I noticed a few times that when I was talking about the person in question, people would shift a little and seemed uncomfortable. I wondered why, but now I know. See, a few years I ago I wouldn't have picked up on that. Does anyone else have trouble reading body language? Sometimes I feel like I'm completely missing out on things that people are trying to convey to me.

hummingbird

Aug 27 2006, 05:11 AM

Hello,

I just wanted to let everyone here know something. 1st: I have read your posts and you girls are all right where your supposed to be...I think the biggest thing for us...is to realize that we have been born into a very extroverted society, so introverts are not valued as much. Wherever we all are that's exactly where we are supposed to be.

There's nothing wrong with us.

Now, I don't have a lot of friends...the friends I do have are scatter around or we just aren't as close as we used to be....my boyfiriend is my bestfriend but when I start to have emotions, it can weird him out....

So, today...I was sooooooooo depressed when I woke up. But, I went out....to the farmer's market and then I went SHOPPING...big deal for this girl....!!!!!

And then tonight....I made a decision that I was going to go out dancing. A friend of mine was supposed to come, but in the end she cancelled. Like I was expecting. So, I went to the city by myself....took a shot of E&J and I went right into the club by myself....and I had a freaking blast....it was like the best clubbing experience ever...and I did it all alone. OMG! I am sooooooo happy....I needed to dance...but I didn't have time to wait on other people. And ladies....I shinned like a freaking star. I danced the demons away!

Hang in there ladies...challenge yourselves....feel the fear and do it anyway....or take a goddamned shot and do it. But remember acceptance is key.

((((((busties)))))))

Hi my name is hummingbird, and I am a big socially inept dork.

ginger_kitty

Aug 27 2006, 02:14 PM

A girl from work invited herself and her boyfriend to hang out with my hubby and I this weekend, b/c I mentioned I was going to a local show. The girl made a big deal about it, we arranged plans and all. Talked about for it days. She acted really excited called me the day before, and she had invited other people to go w/ us. So I was kind of psyched. Then last night she never showed up and didn't even call to give me an excuse. I don't even know what to say when I see her at work, tommorrow?

We had a great time all by ourselves. Two really rocking local bands, we knew a few acquaintances there and they had some killer drink specials so I got lit. But it was a let down to get blown off. Crap like this is why I don't have many friends. People just aren't reliable.

freckleface2727

Aug 28 2006, 06:02 AM

ginger that just sucks, but maybe something came up & she forgot?it can happen.

give her the benefit of the doubt, but if she blows it off like it was no bigge, then blow her off from that point, not hostilly, just like she was someone you hardly knew anyway so it was no loss to start with, you know?

it rocks that you & the mr had such a great time!HA!best revenge always!

the mr has just this week started a new, very Different job, and I feel a strong sense that from here out 'people we associate with' are going to be unlike those we/I've known before. to some extent from what he's said, they are ultra conservative leaning, which in context is good, but I tend to have some quite opposite leanings myself.gah. am I going to have to hide my hippy peace-ring & kumbaya guitar when I meet these folks?outa be interesting to say the least..!

hummingbird (pretty name!) - you ROCK!wow did that take some serious Guts to go clubbing alone!even shopping alone, if I'm really "hunting" for something, I tend to mumble to myself like a lunatic, so good grief the freakshow I'd put on at a dance club.

rock on sister, what a great example to just Do It you've set for all us dorks

freckleface2727

Aug 29 2006, 03:13 PM

ok,

y'all need to remind me to start screening any potential new friends I ever talk about here.remind me to make sure they A) either have offspring compatible to my frecklette's that aren't awful, or B ) have No Offspring at all.

that would be ideal I believe bc if I get asked to babysit one-more-time by new "friends" I may go bullistic.(see vent in the Letters thread.)

= grumbles = this is why I need to just stay under my rock=

ginger_kitty

Aug 29 2006, 04:37 PM

(((freckleface))) That really blows!

Hummingbird, you seriously have some guts!!!

So I talked to the girl at work that ditched me the other night. She came up and told me something really important came up. I was like that's alright, don't worry about it, we were going anyway, so no big deal. Then she went into a long elaborate story that seemed made up and I got a little bummed. I didn't mind so much about being blown off but that feeling that I was being lied to, kind of hurt.

I think I am going to just crawl back into my shell.

hummingbird

Aug 30 2006, 07:29 AM

freckleface, yay! for your Mr.'s new job. Bah! to the potential new friends trying to turn you into their babysitter. On another note, sometimes, I like talking or socializing with people who are from the other side of the political fence, we get to learn from eachother.

ginger kitty, that really sucks feeling like you're being lied to, because I know for myself, it gets really ackward and then I am like, "get away from me". One of my not-so-healthy friends just did something like this to me, and I refuse to call her because she lied to me, so I am using this as my chance to put some distance tween us.

Well, I'm off to work...I'll be lurking all day...

dandelion

Aug 30 2006, 11:03 AM

OMG, I'm SOOO glad I found this thread. I don't have time to read a lot of it now, but I definitely will. My problem is, I'm 28 years old, have basically lived in the same city forever (NYC), and I hardly have any friends around. It's very, very depressing and something I feel very ashamed about. I know there are various reasons, most of which have to do with me being horrible at keeping up my social life, not reaching out to people, having various social phobias which prevents me from going out much, and being a rather intense person myself, thus attracting intense but often unstable people as friends. I end up breaking plans with people etc. and then they just one by one start disappearing. It's really affecting me now because I am married to a european and we are separated for a little while. When he is here, he doesn't know anyone either, so we just end up being part of this cocoon involving one another and now that he's gone, I really feel alone. I need ideas to meet people. I need to actually DO THINGS about it. I'm sick of feeling ashamed about it though.

freckleface2727

Aug 31 2006, 05:00 PM

dandelion,

have you looked into friendster or something like that yet?or checked out any reading or book or hobby groups at the local libraries or book stores?they ususally have them posted either on bulletin boards or at their websites.

I empathize completely, as I think many of us 'dorks' here do as well.we are, in unique ways, loners that every-so-often feel the need for outside contact with others.that can be kind of difficult when most regular friendships require more work than that.come to think of it.. maybe that's the reason I do so well w/ my long-distance friendships?

hmm, food for thought!

anyway, maybe it gave you some ideas anyway? welcome to our tiny little bustspace!

ok, it looks like we're hosting a small dinner party saturday night.it's my friend & her husband my mr's former co worker, who is flying in from CO (he lives here, she lives there, it's complicated) and then our ( as in my friend, not my mr)newly divorced (from one of the dual mr's former co workers) friend. only 3 extra people. does that + us = a party?

I'm going to see if frecklette can spend the night at her friends house, and then I'm making lasagna and think we'll eat in the dining room like civilised people.do I play music while we're eating?when the 3 of us eat in the dining room (which means that mama has actually cooked for a change, woowoo!) I like to put on our irish pub song cd, bc it's happy memories of our trip there and always lightens our hearts. but maybe something alittle more grownup, like jazz? classical is too stuffy (for them, le sigh)I'm not even serving wine w/ it, just simple salat & french bread & maybe brownies for desert.

Thanks for responding, Freckleface. I've never used Friendster or anything like that for friends. Do people do that? I've used the internet for dating before. So I'm not opposed to it. One idea I had to meet people is becoming more activist around feminist issues which are very important to me. There are so many organizations here in NY that there is a lot to choose from. I'm also thinking about going to some local pug meetup events which take place every month...I have two pugs and having a dog is a good way to meet people. But it's hard to get motivated to do anything when you feel so isolated and crappy. And I have the typical fear of going to things alone - I'm good at envisioning feeling really awkward and uncomfortable. Part of the social phobias I undoubtedly have.

Good luck with your party! i'm simultaneously happy about and dreading this upcoming 3 day weekend - being off from work is good, but why do I think I'll spend too much time alone and depressed about it? Oh well.

ginger_kitty

Sep 2 2006, 01:36 PM

(((dandelion))) Welcome to our world! Sounds like you fit right in with the rest of us. Definately try friendster or myspace, I joined myspace and found a group of locals that have get togethers once a month. And it's been really nice! I haven't made strong connections with anyone yet, but it helps get me out and trying to socialize. Take your pugs to the dog park or whatever, they'll help you break the ice with new people. I was thinking about joining local feminist groups as well. Lucky you though, you're in NYC, I am stuck in Indiana, all we really have is NOW and I am not sure how many girls my around my age are involved locally.

It's always harder when you're in a relationship to make new friends My hubby has social anxiety issues so when my anti-social butt actually gets around to doing new stuff, sometimes he freaks out, right before we get somewhere and we end up not going. It's just so much easier, when it's just the two of us.

freckleface, a small party like is the best kind. Have fun!!

freckleface2727

Sep 2 2006, 07:15 PM

our tiny party was canceled

my friend's mr has rhuemitoid(sp) arthritis in his back, and last night they drove to the beach & stayed at a hotel, but wanted to fall asleep to the sounds of the crashing waves so pulled out the hide-a-bed in the liv' rm w/ the deck, which absolutely screwed his back bigtime.they are spending tonight in his rented room watching movies w/ him laid out flat, hoping he'll recover enough to salvage their remaining days as she fly's back tues. we might try for lunch tomorow if so then, bc I went ahead and made the lasagna & stuck it in the fridge.

and my other friend Also f'ed up her back and is dopped up on muscle relaxers, and has to babysit for a friend tom & can't make our makeup lunch. I'd Almost start to get paranoid & think I was being ditched, but she invited us to her girl's b-day party week after next, so feel ok.

I'm a little bummed yes, but that's ok. right now, I am mostly worn out from all the cleaning (needed anyway) I'd put off til today bc they were coming over.

the myspace thing is good, but I'm too boring to have much to say at one. I need to remember the check the barnes and noble calendar for book clubs again.there was an eli weisel meeting just last week that I missed, which frustrates me bc I love his writings and recently bought an anthology w/ things I hadn't yet read.

our local NOW club never meets bc I don't think there are enough of "us" and the next nearest chapter is too far for me to drive. I live in such a hellhole wasteland.

ginger, I think we've discussed it before, but I were still in IN, you & I would *totally* hang out.

move to nc!!

dandelion

Sep 2 2006, 10:17 PM

Sorry about your party Freckleface. I'm impressed that you even planned one though. Even the thought of entertaining people at my place freaks me out. I don't have people here much at all. I think it's part of my social anxiety, just having people in my space checking me out makes me uncomfy, looking at my books music decoration etc. It's retarded. Just another symptom of not being comfortable enough about myself to chill and be ok with what I have. I hung out with my family today and that was nice, just to get out of the house and not think about what is going on with my husband...but I had this conversation with my stepmother about how I have no girlfriends right now, and how I need some etc. And I started talking about my cousins, I have a bunch of girl cousins but I don't really hang out socially with them. There are two that are a few years younger but are pretty much into the same type of music etc., and she was like, just call one, do it now. So I listened to her and called one and left a message asking her if she was going to this party tomorrow in Manhattan that gets put on every holiday weekend...and she never even called back. I am the oldest female cousin and I think they all looked up to me growing up so it feels kinda crappy to have to look to them now for a social life. ANyway I also don't like that she didn't call back, made me feel stupid. Things like that make me feel like, why do I even try? I'm in a very big hole socially and it scares me that it might not work out with my husband, maybe he won't even come back and then I'll REALLY be alone and just being in that position puts too much pressure on my relationship and screws it up even more. Like one big vicious circle of some kind.

Sometimes I sit around hoping one or various of the friends I've had in my life at one time would just think of me and pick up the phone. I hate feeling sorry for myself but I start to wonder, do any of these people miss me, and what did I mean to them if they don't? I imagine sometimes some of them out partying or whatever, and not even thinking of me - and it almost feels like I never existed to them. Yeah, depressing.

hummingbird

Sep 2 2006, 11:32 PM

freckleface, sorry that your party plans got cancelled, but it does sound to me like they both truly hurt themselves. Bad backs are common enough, I guess god/dess didn't build them to last. haha. You kick bootay for planning a dinner party. The thought of doing that is...well...I just wouldn't do it...maybe if I were forced to do it...

dandelion, I hope everything works out with your husband too. Sending you both marital vibes for good communication, sex, understanding, respect, or whatever is called for. One time my therapist suggested that I invite a coworker out to eat on my birthday a couple years back, it was so pathetic because I barely even knew the guy, we had a connection but not outside of work. Anyway, he was very nice about it, and I was totally out of it so our conversation was a little dull and I had to really reach to stay present. I look back and think, you know, that day, I shouldn't have taken her advise. I felt pathetic. I could've had a better time by myself. So, I empathise with feeling kinda stupid after reaching out to your unresponsive cousin on someone else's bright idea.

I can remember going to see the movie Magnolia by myself, and the opening song is that "One is the loneliest number...", and I felt sooooo self-conscious, but then the movie made me feel less estrange, somehow. My favorite line in that song is, "two can be as bad as one, it's the loneliest number since the number one..."

tempest

Sep 3 2006, 09:53 PM

Freckle, I love your sig. And I completely understand the paranoia feeling (I'm a notorious overthinker), but a future invite is encouraging.

I am a huge dinner party enthusiast, but I'm annoying in that I rent musicals and have a drinkfest-singalong after when I host.

Dork question: My husband is in a very time-consuming line of work, and I have just started a new job. Any ideas for making new friends in/outside of work? (I teach.)

freckleface2727

Sep 4 2006, 03:50 PM

tempest-

let me return the compliment to your bustname.very cool. great art w/ the pic too.my frecklette was named after Taming of the Shrew

as to meeting people, I'd refer back to book clubs, friendster etc etc, same as what I said to hummingbird.I tend to linger in the women's interest sections at book stores, hoping against hope I'll encounter someone perusing something I've read or that looks interesting, but probly have so far come off a freak/stalker.my mr works excessively long hours too, so know exactly what you mean.AND I found out that the other married guys he works w/ live a ridiculously far distance from us, so even if/when I do get introduced to the spouses, and say there is a <le sigh> connection w/ one of them, it's now an even longer shot of any sociality.I'm anxious to meet any of these women, bc it'll give me so much better an idea of what to expect w/ the new job. I don't necc care if friendships bloom from it but talking to them will ease my anxiety an infinite amount. I hate being the new kid. hate not knowing stuffs.

that friend, the one from CO, blew me off.totally.

I called her yesterday about 11:30 & got her voicemail & left a message to let her know we were running to Ral to look at sofa's but they could come for dinner when we got back & to Call Me when she got this.nope.not a word.we actually somewhat hurried when we were up there, bc it was such a far drive there & back.by last night I'd decided that even if she did call, I wouldn't pick up ( yes I AM childish sometimes) but sinse she didn't, it wasn't an issue.

grrr I am mad now! we've been friends for an year and 1/2, talk once a week or so, and she Knew I was making a big dinner for them but whatever.

where IS that rock?!

laurenann

Sep 5 2006, 05:52 AM

tempest, i am starting a new teaching job too! i'm going in later this morning for meetings and stuff. i am so excited. there are lots of other young women who work at the school. i was saying to my boyfriend last night "ooh, i gotta psych myself up for the first day of work, i need to be social and enjoyable" and he reminded me that the harder i try to be social the weirder i'll seem. good advice.

anyway, i don't have any advice for you on making new friends at work (if i did i wouldn't be posting here) but we can share common experiences in the upcoming weeks!

dandelion, someone not even thinking about me is worse than someone disliking me. i know what you mean. it is depressing. (((dandelion)))

(((all socially inept busties)))

freckleface2727

Sep 5 2006, 06:53 AM

laurenann-

have a great 1st day of work!!

I hope you meet loads of wonderful, creative, intelligent people.

what grade/ages are you and Tempest- going to teach?

thereshegoes

Sep 5 2006, 11:57 AM

wow---i admire clubbing alone/throwing parties! that's so brave! i am amazed so many people feel like this. . . sucks, but good not to feel alone. wish all of you the best of luck-

i also just started a new job and find myself hiding from my co-workers, who all seem cooler. if anyone has any ideas to break the ice besides a cheezy smile and a fake-sounding "hi there!" please let me know.

i am glad i found this thread. i am having a lot of the same stuff. i am trying to make friends (i just did a big friend purge that left me basically with one close friend and my boyfriend in NYC). i'm calling old acquaintances to make plans and get closer, but if they don't return my calls/emails right away, i get all freaked out and crawl back under my big-ass rock. plus there's the screening thing. i am so hyper-sensitive after getting burned by my old group that i've hung out with for the past 5 years, i'm always testing anyone who dares reach out to me.

sigh. . . it's a double-edged sword. it doesn't help that my boyfriend is in the same f-ing position, another weekend with no one else to play with but ourselves. . .

ginger_kitty

Sep 5 2006, 03:44 PM

(((freckleface))) Sorry your friend blew you off.

(((dork hugs for everyone)))

thereshegoes, what cool username! When ever I force myself into a situation when I'm surrounded by new people, I try to compliment them on something. 'Hey great necklace, oh I'm so and so...' But only genuine compliments there is no point in being insincere. I hate the aniexty of starting a new job. I hate my current job, but I am comfortable b/c I have been there like 4 or 5 years so I know everyone, over time I just started to be myself instead of worrying what people think about me.

freckleface2727

Sep 7 2006, 01:21 PM

thankyou all for your sympathy.the woman has been back in her home state for 2-3 days and still hasn't called.hrmpf! she probly knows I am pissed!

on a better note: the mr is taking me to lunch tomorrow at his new workplace.granted it's just an Army chow hall,but he works w/ very special people and hopefully some of them will have their spouses w/ them as it's family friday and that is encouraged. I also get somewhat of a tour of the place, which I am excited about too, to Finally see where he is working now.

my biggest fear is that I will trip & spill food and/or babble something terribly inappropriate as I am prone to do the more I try not to. my mr is quiet and reserved and I'm so... not.

laurenann & tempest - how was your first day (s) at school?

gumby_cc

Sep 8 2006, 08:21 AM

hope lunch was good today, freckleface.

lauren i think your boyfriend gave you good advice....i always feel like a self conscious dork when i try to be social....i have two new coworkers this year and I really feel like i'm myself this year, compared to last year when i would just always make an ass out of myself (or at least i thought i was....)

i went onto myspace and stumbled onto this woman's page...i am like 98% sure it was this woman I worked with about 4 years ago, but only like four or five times before she moved...at the time i felt like we had a really close connection and was bummed that she was moving even though we just met each other....i was so excited that i emailed her thru myspace right away and was like, "didn't we work together? wasn't that you..."?"...i did that two days ago and now i feel like a major dork because she hasn't written back. i know it hasn't been that long but i was just so excited now i'm afraid i scared her off, even if it was the right person. she probably doesn't even remember who the hell i am.

freckleface2727

Sep 8 2006, 04:16 PM

lunch Was good!

I only got to meet the mr's new boss and the 3 of us had lunch, and though he took us around several other places, most folks had taken off for the weekend bc the weather is so nice right now.the bossman himself was great. lived in my wonderful city of Chi-town and is a Cubbie Fan too!def is ok that the mr works there now that I know this.

and no, I didn't embarrass myself nor the mr.of course I had the ongoing conversation in my head ' don't talk so much. tone it down-- More- think Demure.' and in the end I believe I succeded.the mr was pleased, and told me later that he realises what a People Person I am, and appreciated my efforts to make a good impression for him. that was sweet.bc tho I often don't actually like many people I encounter well enough to even Want to get to know them better, I am one of those people that comes across as super friendly anyway. ironic.

= whew!=

I only saw 1 other woman (not in uniform) in the chow hall today, though there might have been more but I was so focused on behaving (isn't that sad?) that I didn't get a chance to notice.

but as for meeting anyone there?doesn't appear to have the potential and I am realising, albeit w/ some resistance, that if I'm going to have to stay in this place for the next 6+ years now (after 3.5 already, mostly waiting to Leave) I will HAVE to go out on my own w/ more determination. classes. book groups, whatever.

I'm a viable, relatively intelligent, off-beatedly art-lovin' feminist mama that Does have a lot to offer people.(reminds me of stewart smalley's " I'm good enough,smart enough, and darn it, people Like me" frm SNL)

laurenann

Sep 9 2006, 08:24 AM

gumby, it must be way easier now that you have worked at the same job for a year. at my old job i was so relaxed, even when new people came to work there.

everyone at the new job is very nice, and i have met a few women who seem like we may have things in common. i had one conversation during recess about how lame bars in fanueil hall are, but then i felt like i was being pretentious when i mentioned that i was going to a gallery opening that night. i need a little while longer to figure out the office dynamics, like if i am supposed to say hi to the secretaries when i come in in the morning and if being an aide is socially different than being a teacher.

ginger_kitty

Sep 9 2006, 04:23 PM

So it's been just me and the Mr. all weekend but it's been a really great weekend. I am leaning more towards thinking we don't other people to complicate our lives.

P.S. Recently discovered our only couple friends are seperating.

freckleface2727

Sep 9 2006, 06:37 PM

QUOTE(ginger_kitty @ Sep 9 2006, 06:40 PM)

So it's been just me and the Mr. all weekend but it's been a really great weekend. I am leaning more towards thinking we don't other people to complicate our lives.P.S. Recently discovered our only couple friends are seperating.

you know the mr had a now former co worker friend he'd invited for a cookout this weekend (w/out telling me, the guy was supposed to 'check w/ his wife & then call back') blow him off too.

I really do think it's Us, but that's ok.we like each other, and our small family, and it's not worth the trouble & energy to prepare.so yes ginger, totally.

I am sorry about the splitup, for all parties (including You & your Mr).

thereshegoes

Sep 11 2006, 09:12 AM

hello----i really relate to that whole thing about not having other people to complicate things. i feel we've been spending more weekends "just us"-and it's fun, but it sometimes makes me feel like more of a, well, dork. i agree that i can (and do) pass a happy weekend with just my fella, but there a weird part of me that thinks "i am having a very good time watching this dvd and eating takeout, but are we not lameasses for not having a big urban-family type cluster to sit around a bar/cafe with photogenically every friday and saturday night?"---like even though im having fun, theres part of me that feels theres some "friends" type ideal everyone should live up to. maybe its easier when youre single. i should probably just relax and enjoy the fact that i have such a great boyfriend. . .

also, at my job, they just hired a hot new manager. even though we're both partnered, he's very flirty-funny with the female employees, and i act about as bashful and stupid with him as i did around the popular guys in high school. it's embarrising to stammer and blush whenever he makes a joke. plus, he's a boss.

ginger_kitty

Sep 11 2006, 03:00 PM

thereshegoes, I used to feel like a big dork if we didn't do anything, too. But I am really starting to feel better about just the hubby and me, hanging out on the weekend. This weekend we went on a couple long walks with the pups, hung out at the bookstore, shopped a little, and just chilled around the house reading our newly purchased books and watching movies. But it was great!

hummingbird

Sep 11 2006, 06:21 PM

freckle,

just wanted to say ditto to saying the wrong things or inappropriate things just blurting out of your mouth...I do this a lot. Especially around extremely chatty witty people...Also, good luck to you on your journey to become a womens advocate.

thereshegoes

Sep 11 2006, 08:01 PM

thanks for the support, gingerkitty (and everyone)

it's true though. some of the nicest weekends are spent with the mr. doing exactly what you want.

or with whomever, or alone, doing exactly what you want. it does beat comprimising and having a shit evening just to say you went out

anna k

Sep 11 2006, 11:34 PM

I had a lot of fun tonight. I went to a trivia contest held at a NYC club, where I competed with a team to win $200 by answering trivia about various subjects. I got to hang with new people and talk with a guy who had an insane knowledge of presidential history. He got all the answers about the First Ladies' maiden names, while I contributed by listing the places of "doin' it" in Poison's Talk Dirty to Me (the basement, the bushes, old man's Ford, and the drive-in) and identifying songs by Biggie and The Crystals. I got $25 and felt included and happy to talk to smart people. The people around me got drunk and I could see their eyes half-mast and felt their breath on me, but I didn't care much. The guy who knew the presidential knowledge and I talked a lot, teasing me, saying I was the youngest at 23 while the others were 26+. I liked talking to the guys and liking them without thinking of dating or sexual attraction (btw, I wasn't sexually attracted to anyone), just goofing around and being equals.

freckleface2727

Sep 12 2006, 06:05 AM

anna isn't that just a great feeling.. to connect with and enjoy someone on a cerebral level, w/out any other extenuating baggage to weigh you down?

it sounds like you had a great time and bally for you!!I personally miss having close guy friends. I mean, I'm still sorta tight w/ me & the mr's shared best friend, but he's married w/ a zillion kids & a wife who is eyyy, and they live on the other side of the world anyway.not the same. (damn growing up!)

so are you going to go back to this same club and play the game again? this could be such a great opportunity for you to meet other like-minded & interesting people.

hummingbird: so far as the fear of blurting out the wrong thing at the worst time, do you internally coach yourself when you fear it happening most or am I totally strange?if any of you watch gillmore girls, the way lorelie will ramble on w/ inane but 6 degree's of seperation realting topics- yup that's me. (much like the rainman-like way I post sometimes ! ) and thanks for the encouragement towards my (eventual) chosen field.I am *just *starting*out* in the biggest meaning of that. no college or anything yet, that will happen in the winter as I already missed fall signups when we were still in limbo here as to staying or going.the rape crisis center is a small but important first step.

freckleface2727

Sep 12 2006, 11:47 AM

I'm a thread whore- 2 posts in a row!

are any of you familiar w/ Classmates.com?

I registered there awhile ago, and for a year paid for the Gold membership,but you know, the people I emailed didn't respond, and the ones that contacted me I wasn't that interested in hooking up w/ again.. anyway! I got a notification today that I girl I went to hs w/ sent me an email, but the damn thing won't show it to me, it's only showing the generic "welcome to the classmates.come message center, pay $$ to send emails .." and so I can't read what she wrote, can't send anything back, and am greatly peeved off right now!

I tried looking her up online and even w/ 1411 and the # I got the voicemail didn't sound like her but I left a message anyway.

does anyone know a good way to locate people?

the thing is.. I wasn't always very nice to her when we were in school.. I mean, we were friends sometimes.. but I remember calling her Desperado bc she never had a date.for all I know her email is saying " hey I'm married now BITCH , and this is what he looks like ___open file for male underware model."

anna k

Sep 12 2006, 01:20 PM

I would go back to the club. I liked answering trivia (best with pop culture and cultural history) and after years of being told that I should be on Jeopardy! or answering along with Ken Jennings, this felt like a dream come true to win cash for naming Brooklyn artists or Broadway musicals. Plus the people were a lot of fun, even though one woman at the table was getting drunk and looking like she was going to fall over.

I loved talking to guys without it being a date or a hookup or any expectations behind it. I'm really sick of that.

I looked up old classmates, seeing one girl who I admired for being a bookish brainiac go on to Colgate and be an honors student. Or a close friend of mine who studied Chinese and psychology and neuroscience at Brown. I've seen a couple of former students in my hometown, working various jobs. Some kids went to Penn State and Vassar, others went to community college and Wilson Tech. It's all split up. I feel proud for working at a major magazine and feeling more adult and more mature than I was as a reserved kid keeping scrapbooks of photos and articles that moved me.

It surprised me when kids who were cruel to me in seventh grade were nicer to me in eleventh grade, talking to me as if nothing had happened. Maybe they grew up or I did, but it was a little shock. One girl had called me stupid and ugly in j.h., and I slapped her. In senior year, we recieved academic awards, and she congratulated me on mine. It felt like a sweet little comeback.

thereshegoes

Sep 13 2006, 07:18 AM

that triva club sounds like fun-where in brooklyn is it? i give you props for going out and getting up in front of all those people.

i too miss having guy friends of the platonic sort. i don't meet many now. they can be fun and drama-free. that sounds like a good way to meet people.

anna k

Sep 13 2006, 11:07 AM

It was near Houston St, on Orchard St.

Luckily I didn't have to stand in front of people. The teams sat at tables and wrote answers down, and handed them in at the end of each round. So it was a private group effort as opposed to be asked out loud one at a time. Which was good as I didn't know anything about chemistry or presidential wives or obscure 80's movies.

ginger_kitty

Sep 14 2006, 02:33 PM

I realized I am a snob, today. A coworker was trying to get me to go out with her and some of the girls from work. And politey said I'd think about it, which means no. But she kept asking, she said didn't want' to go alone, and I said 'well so and so are going'. But she was said 'they weren't really her friends she'd rather hang out with me.' But I couldn't be more different than the girl! I just don't see us clicking as friends.

And they are going to bar that's a notorious meat market, which is so not my scene, to see some bands I have never heard of so it seems like a waste of money for me. I don't know......... I just like to hang out with people I have something in common with, a shared interest or some thread of passion we can both relate to.

thereshegoes

Sep 14 2006, 05:11 PM

it's hard, that toss-up between not wanting to go/out hang out with someone, but not wanting to seem unsociable.

i relate to the snob thing. i hate meat markets. even when i was single, i'd rather read.

freckleface2727

Sep 15 2006, 09:14 AM

dito on the meat market.places like that are ususally noisy & crowded & I always feel short & claustrophobic.

that said, maybe there's more to this work person than meets the eye?I mean, she took a pretty big Risk by saying that to you, and maybe it took a lot of courage for her to do so, you know? not trying to make you feel bad, just thinking how I'd feel.maybe you could suggest going to dinner or drinks somewhere else w/ her instead? and Then if you're right, you at least tried and you're covered for a long time to come.

and I don't think it's snobbery to know your element and/or comfort zone, even though I feel it's good to occassionally make yourself step outside them.

= small panic attack looming.there is a "small get together" sunday for the people the mr works with, being held at one of the guys houses.I think they are all married, and there are a total of 5 guys, so 10 + any kids?I've already check the weather and it's supposed to be in the '80's and sunny, so most def an indoor/outdoor situation, wouldn't you assume? I say that bc aside from the OBVIOUS psycho issues, I'm totally Terrified I'll show up wearing the Wrong Thing and will be , well, you all know how YOu'd feel?

so I'm thinking coolish non-mom jeans w/ my jute-wrapped platform sandals (the jeans are long) and some sort of mid-grade blouse?the blouse is the tricky part- what if they are all in shorts & tank tops?

seriously: do other people freak out about stupid stuff like this too?

ginger_kitty

Sep 15 2006, 02:40 PM

freckle, I thought about that, too. The girl even said she would pay for me or loan me the cash to go, b/c I mentioned I was pretty broke this weekend. Which I couldn't do, b/c she is a single mother of three and I would feel horrible borrowing money from her. But I told her it wasn't really my scene, but we should hang out another time. I told her I never went to places like that club, even before I was married. She is a very nice and caring person, so I am not going to blow her off. I think I was just a bit surprised to have her say that stuff to me yesterday. I mean she came right out and said, "I want you to come I really only have one friend. And I like you."

I am the same way when I go somewhere, my first thought is what should I wear? I want to look really cool, but not like I tried really hard. You know. Sounds cool, though b/c your hubby will already know a bunch of people, so it'll be more relaxed. Just relax and have fun, sweetie!

freckleface2727

Sep 18 2006, 05:50 AM

the party was ok.

of course I had massive & collasal anxiety the day before & up til when I finally decided to still go ( poor mr! I was totally bitchy to him & kept trying to pick stupid fights as a reason not to go) and in the end, it was eyyy. I mean nice yah.

this apparently was the first time they (minus 1 couple) had actually ever even gotten together, minus a few other entire work-place sponsored events.

there was one other spouse I liked, and she reminded me of 2 other women I had been friends with in the past and I think maybe we might get together for lunch at some point. I really want /need to pick her brain and find out the nitty-gritty still, but never got the chance when there weren't other people around.

.. the thing that struck me the most was.. the job our husbands have is very unique. .. I guess I had assumed that due to that, as they all came from the same inital job field to it, we -the families- then would have shared background. I was wrong.no commonality at all.kinda floored me, you know?left us standing around rather akwardly from time to time, smiling politely at each other.

anyway, none of the kids got along, so it's agreed that in the future, they are all allowed to bring their game boys & ipods and we'll seperate them to corners and leave them alone.the mr & I are thinking of maybe hosting a Thanksgiving ( my fav meal to entertain with as I LOVE to make it) for everyone but it's a ways away yet.

over-all, much worry for nothing, and yes- my outfit was ok! thanks

glassk

Sep 19 2006, 02:39 PM

So my roommate showed up last night. usually he works/sleeps at his girlfriends so even though I sleep here every night I only talk to him on the phone/at 6 am when he comes home to sleep or go to work.

But last night he came home and we sat around (it was like old times when we used to hang out) doing our own thing. He seemed to be getting together with his girlfriend and another girl- Danni. I thought they were meeting up and then going out. So I went down to the corner store, picked something up, and came back.

Danni's there, and they're waiting for the GF. Danni is looking around the apartment. My room has a glass door and is still full of boxes and the bed is lofted so it's only for sleeping in. So then the GF shows up. Then they all are drinking in the living room and smoking and the GF is condescendingly complaining about how i threw her jacket on top of her shoes, thinking it was mine. There's nowhere for me to sit in the living room, my roommate is saying that he meant to introduce me to Danni as "the girl who wears black and if you talk to her the wrong way she'll shoot up your school" (thinking he's being funny but is actually hurtful)

I freaked. I had just walked in, but I grabbed my coat again and then the GF is like, "where are you going?"

I lied. I said I was going to the internet cafe. She's like, "Oh, I used to go there all the time. I went to one where you could pay 2.00 for an hour in YALETOWN and was open all night!" Like now she's grown out of that, but she went to one that was way cooler. AH!

So I went for a walk. Got a coffee, and then went and watched a movie in a theatre to kill time. Got back at 1 am and they werent' there, but had taken my speakers off my cdplayer, hooked them up to the record player, and left wine in goblets and bottles all over the apartment. I was so choked.

I've only met the GF about 3 times. (they've been going out for 3 years, i've known him for 1 year, they broke up this summer and got back together) I swear she hates me. And Danni seemed like she was nice but I felt such an invasion of space that I couldn't cope.

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