I bring you sad news, fellow Earthlings. Researchers have concluded that our beloved planet "will travel out of the solar system's habitable zone and into the 'hot zone'" where our water will burn up, and we will too, according to LiveScience.
It sort of reminds me of David Bowie's "Five Years," the opening song on The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars, in which Earth's imminent doom is foretold.
Of course, it depends on how you define "imminent." In cosmic terms, the 1.75 billion to 3.25 billion years from now when Earth is expected to burn up may indeed seem just around the corner.
But today's mothers need not be sighing over our planet's natural demise. Rather, they should focus their anxiety on the potential disasters that could do us in way before 1.75 billion years. You know, nuclear war, global plagues, asteroids, deadly alien invaders, the extension of 2nd Amendment rights to animals. It's all possible.
Fortunately, the research team at the University of East Anglia in the U.K. thinks we're on the right track in seeking to establish a colony on Mars.
"If we ever needed to move to another planet, Mars is probably our best bet," lead researcher Andrew Rushby said in a statement. "It's very close and will remain in the habitable zone until the end of the sun's lifetime — 6 billion years from now."
News guy, you can stop your cursed weeping.
Now read this: