Far away from January

This is Matthew Vaughn. At least that’s what the photo agency is telling me. You wouldn’t know it to look at him because his is not the most recognisable celebrity face, being a director and all. But you probably know the name because he’s made headlines recently for vehemently denying that he’s the father of January Jones’s baby.

Vaughn’s film X-Men: First Class just topped the box office this weekend and received favourable reviews. He of course is married to Claudia Schiffer. They have three children. He picked up two of them on the school run yesterday in London, staying close to home, no trips to LA, probably not for a while.

As I’ve already noted, January is so f-cking beige, I actually don’t give a sh-t about a story that is celebrity gossip’s equivalent of Anthony Weiner to The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. I mean, she just disappears, you know?

Having said that, any way you analyse it, she comes out a bitch.

If Matthew Vaughn is the father, he’s a piece of sh-t and she’s a bitch.

If Matthew Vaughn isn’t the father, well, she’s still a bitch because following his very public statement denying it, she said nothing, not one word to, exonerate, for lack of a better word, her director, her colleague, her...friend? Not anymore. You could argue that the identify of her baby father is no one’s f-cking business and she shouldn’t have to answer to public curiosity. But when someone you’ve worked with is being maligned, I dunno, I’m thinking stepping up and shutting it down for him might be a friendly move, non?

Have you noticed how easy it is to hate on January Jones? And what I mean by that is that people are willing to do it? Like famous people? First Zach Galifianakis who very clearly declared that she’s worthless and then yesterday, as linked to in Smutty Tingles, Lost creator Damon Lindeloff tweeted: “Emma Frost's THREE mutant powers: Telepathy, Transformation to Solid Diamond and last but not least, Sucking at Acting”.

She really does suck. Like really, really so bad.

The point is though, these people usually keep their sh-t to themselves. Sh-tting on January doesn’t seem to scare them. Why? Maybe because she’s a bitch? I’ve asked around. She is indeed a f-cking bitch. But...see... normally if it were anyone else, this would be so exciting. I’d do a blind riddle, I’d find out more smut, I’d write it up with excitement. Her? I don’t even come with a follow-up question, you know what I mean?

Anyway, speaking of Zach Galifianakis, have you read the bits from his interview with Rolling Stone? He’s a hilariously miserable motherf-cker. Click here but make sure you check out all the links with the quotes and the pictures. He hates Ke$ha by the way. And pretty much told Sean Penn to f-ck himself, although I think they’ve made up since then. Note the Ryan Reynolds reference! Zach is so prescient!