Monday, 21 May 2012

Because the engine spakked out in my almost new car and had to
be replaced, I had to go into Queensland Transport and let them know about the
new change of engine because it affected my car registration. So I went there.
It’s a feral little pace where the great unwashed seem to hang out. I have
never smelled so much body odour in my life. It’s also a place of forms. I had
been told over the phone to go in and get a 2543 form that dealt with the
spakking out of engines. There was no form 2543 in the three long benches
of forms . I figured I’d go form-less and wing it when I got to the handing the
form over stage. I went over and did the touch screen thing to get a queue
number. Problem. None of the touch screen icons dealt with a spakked out motor
so I elected for ‘special and sundry' because
I am both.

Ever walked across a
crowded room where everyone is holding a form but you aren’t and several of the
great unwashed stop you and explain you need a form and you in turn want to
explain they need deodorant but you don’t because there are three dozen smelly
people to your one perfumed personage and while the odds against you getting
out alive don’t bother you it’s having that smelliness rubbed off on you that
does. So I sat and waited for H364 to be called amongst a sea of smelly, yet
form carrying people. Thirty minutes later I get the call. H364 to counter 12.
At the counter the woman looked at me and says ‘You don’t have a form.’ I
explain to her that I’m special and sundry and there wasn’t a form for that or
a spakked out engine replacement. Then I smiled that helpless woman smile I
keep for special times like this. She nodded and said ‘well, you need form
2543.’ Correct. She had to go into the back room where this
special form was. She then watched as I filled out the form. Is that the new
engine number? Most probably. Are you sure? I’m 50-50 on it. Is there a plastic
seal on the engine? I don’t know. I don’t look at the engine. You’ll have to go
see Narelle out the back. Because I don’t know if the engine has a plastic
cover? Yes. Take your car to her and she will assess if she can see the new
number. So, after I drive around the wrong way twice, I find Narelle. I got
tut-tutted due to the driving in the wrong way. Yes, I know, I’m incorrigible
but not smelly Narelle so count yourself lucky.

Then the orders came – open the hood, stand over there, can
you see this? No, I’m 50 feet away from you. Come here. Look. That’s your
engine number. My response? Well, isn’t that nice and shiny. She questioned did
I look at the new engine they put in? Narelle, I never looked at the old one
until it was gushing oil all over Buchan
Street. Narelle
is unsure what to day. I get that a lot. She looked at the engine. I looked at the engine.
She looked at me. I looked at her.She
scribbled something down and handed me a form. Keep this form. It’s important.
Righty-o. Can't have enough H364 moments...

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