Porn Might Be Making Your Partner A Lousy Lover

Naomi Wolf sat down with Nancy Redd on Huffpost Live to talk about what porn is doing to modern relationships. Surprise! It’s not helping them:

There’s new science showing porn is addicting and desensitizing. What it does to men over time – and I’m not making a moral judgment – is that it makes them less attracted to their partner. They’re literally neuro-biologically bonding with the porn rather than their partner. Studies show when men use porn, their partners look less attractive to them than control groups who don’t use porn.

I’m not surprised. I certainly don’t look like any of the women you usually seen in porn – and I probably don’t have as many tricks up my sleeve as they do. It’s never crossed my mind that my husband may be comparing my prowess to the ladies he “sees” on the Internet. That’s depressing.

Wolf and Redd also discussed what has been termed the “kink spiral” — the way the ubiquity of pornographic images can lead those looking at them to quickly become desensitized and unsatisfied with what they are viewing. “What turned you on a month ago isn’t arousing anymore so you need more and more extreme images,” Wolf said. “An ordinary woman in your bed can’t duplicate that novelty effect of clicking through multiple images.”

Can you imagine? That’s not working for me honey, do this. No, actually this. No this.This. Oh, forget it. I’m going to my office.

Wolf says that in her research she has seen more and more complaints from women who think that porn is having a negative effect on their partner’s performance. It makes sense if you think about it. Her research is just on men – but I’m sure it’s affecting everyone. When you have hardcore images at your fingertips – I imagine your patience for the slower pace of real-world sex can grow a little thin. I have to believe that what’s going on in people’s bedrooms has changed dramatically since porn became more mainstream.

Frankly, I just think there’s too much of it. The sheer endlessness of the selection depresses me. I can’t even get turned on by it anymore. It sucks to think it may be putting a damper on the fun couples are having in the real world by making them lazier lovers or harder to please.