Tag Archives: banking

Between 2013 and 2014, JPMorgan Chase, a shadowy banking cabal, paid some $14 billion with a b in legal costs stemming from various criminal enterprises the company willfully engaged in to make money. So of course the bank’s CEO, Jamie Dimon, took his lumps and was very humble and chastened, right? Wrong!
Read more on Jamie Dimon Crying Platinum Tears That Banks Have To Pay Money For Breaking Laws…

Unloved money brute Lawrence “Larry” Summers will not be your new Ben Bernanke after withdrawing his name from consideration for Federal Reserve Chairman on Sunday. Mainly this is because humans are hard-wired to distrust men named Larry, but there were other factors, like:
Four of the twelve Democrats on the Senate Banking Committee have already said they won’t vote for him, so he’d needed GOP support to get out of committee, which is always fun;
He helped create the regulatory environment that led to the Great Recession with his full-throated (no pun intended) advocacy of repealing Glass-Steagall and continuing the largely unregulated, over-the-counter exchange of derivatives;
Along those same lines, he is very cozy with much-loathed banks like Citigroup;
He is widely held to be an asshole;
He once pretty much out of nowhere said women are less biologically fit to do science, which is not even true, and seriously, why even say that?
Read more on Summers Vs. Warren Banking Committee Cage Match Canceled As Larry Summers Craps Out…

So here is a clip of Yr Wonkette’s Imaginary BFF Elizabeth Warren making the hosts of CNBC’s Squawk Box look like the pikers that they are. It’s like watching a clip from The West Wing, only better, because this lady is actually in the Senate and making things happen, like cosponsoring a bill to reinstate some parts of Glass-Steagall. It’s probably the best takedown of a bunch of chat-show idiots since that one time that Jon Stewart made Jim Cramer cry. Read more on Watch Liz Warren School Some CNBC Doofuses With Facts ‘N’ History…

It is with a heavy heart that we inform you that we have not significantly appeased our lords and masters the job creators and so they have taken to laundering their money, investing their money speech in offshore tax havens. Some of the world’s money launderers biggest banks, in fact, have been quietly helping 100,000 of our finest job creators and their families hide somewhere between $21 and $32 trillion in assets offshore in places like Switzerland and the Cayman Islands. The good news, however, is that this isn’t really anything that you people need to worry about. After all, being as you’re a Poor, you’re not as educated and wouldn’t understand that this is just how the system works, is all! These are swashbuckling captains of industry, taking such RISKS for the betterment of the economy and for us all, surely they deserve to evade avoid a little taxes here and there as repayment for their fulfilling their patriotic duty of being rich creating jobs? It’s as AMERICAN AS APPLE PIE!
Read more on Bummed About Your 15 Percent Tax Rate, Job Creators? Have You Considered Paying ‘Zero’ Instead?…

The problem with retail banking, see, is that even Poors can sometimes scrape enough money together to get a bank account or a loan, and then they’re all blah blah blah, you are foreclosing on my house by mistake, or blah blah blah, I will not pay your $5 fee, and then sometimes they will cause a SCENE about these trifles, and it is embarrassing for everyone. Goldman Sachs has learned from Bank of America’s experiences with Poors, and so it will be launching its retail banking arm for the exclusive use of very very rich people and also for corporations (which, fun fact, are also a type of rich person). This way, they can make sure they don’t lend to Poors and also avoid any possibility of exposure to such inconveniences as “the market,” as well as the undignified practice of “giving away free toasters” SERIOUSLY.
Read more on Goldman Offers Banking For The One Percent And There Will Be Neither Credit Cards Nor Toasters…

For six days straight, Bank of America’s websites have been hammered. Across this struggling nation, people couldn’t get online to pay their bills or attempt to balance their shrinking balances. BofA offered no explanation for this, for six long days as its customers tried to access their financial accounts immediately after BofA announced an evil new monthly fee for people to use their own debit card for shopping. So the theory naturally developed that millions of people were rushing to the bank’s websites to close checking accounts — a good response to the giant, corrupt finance corporation’s announcement that working people and middle class people would now get another $5 punch in the mouth every month, just for using their debit cards to buy groceries. Read more on Evil Bank of America Crippled By People Closing Their Accounts…