Shlomi says the prostitute bit his tongue while kissing him, so he had to punch her to get her to let go. We guess that’s one of those things you learn in the real world, like how to survive a bear attack or how to fend off a shark. The police, however, say both of them were drunk, which sounds even more believable. The website reports that prosecutors decided not to file formal charges against either party this month.

@Blb3303: Lol that’s exactly what came to mind when I read this story. A co-worker of mine read this earlier today and I passed it on to the consumerist (thanks for posting!). What surprised me most from the article was that he is 44. The camera does wonders. :O)

My question is, why is she wearing the hospital gown backwards in one picture and frontwards in the other picture? Did she suddenly figure it out? Or did the cop taking the picture say, “Hey blondie . . . ” and help her out with it?

“prosecutors decided not to file formal charges against either party this month.”

Isn’t prostitution illegal? Are we not arresting people for that anymore? And what’s with “this month”, are they going to wait until April 1st and say “April Fools! We actually ARE going to charge you after all! TeeHee!”

@LastVigilante: I guess to convict someone of prostitution (be it the hooker or the john), it takes more than a statement given to police. As for the assault and battery, maybe the prosecutors felt it was mutual combat.

And I guess they mean this month as opposed to last month, when the incident and arrests took place.

Worst part of the article is that neither the article nor the police report mention if there is any visible damage or marks on his tongue. That would have atleast protected him in a lawsuit. Hopefully the Fire-EMTs or hospital records noted that.

Many people complain about typos or poor writing or everything in the articles on this site, so I have to say that Mr. Walters’ article made me laugh my ass off, especially the second paragraph. Excellent humorous and informative writing, sir!