24.8: Try It - Sentence Structure

Identify run-on sentences, sentence fragments, and nonparallel structures as you read the passage. Explain why each item is incorrect, and explain how to correct the error. The sentences have been numbered to help you organize your comments.

Figure \(\PageIndex{1}\)

(1) Because Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world, attracting considerable attention from adventurers world wide. (2) Whether the mountain was climbed in ancient times is unknown, it may have been climbed in 1924. (3) The first confirmed success was recorded in 1953.

(4) In 1953, an expedition led by John Hunt. (5) This was the ninth British attempt to summit the mountain. (6) Hunt selected two climbing pairs to attempt to reach the summit. (7) The first pair came within 100 m of the summit on May 26, 1953, but turned back after running into oxygen problems. (8) As planned, their work in route finding and breaking trail and their caches of extra oxygen were of great aid to the following pair.

(9) Two days later, the expedition made its second and final assault on the summit with its second climbing pair, the New Zealander Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay, a Nepali sherpa climber from Darjeeling, India. (10) They reached the summit at 11:30 am local time on May 29, 1953. (11) At the time, both acknowledged it as a team effort by the whole expedition but Tenzing revealed a few years later that Hillary had put his foot on the summit first. (12) They paused at the summit to take photographs and buried a few sweets and a small cross in the snow before descending.

Answer:

Sentence 1 is a fragment made up of two dependent clauses. To revise this sentence, one dependent clause needs to be converted to an independent clause. This can be accomplished by changing the participle attracting to a verb or by removing the conjunction because:

Because Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world, it has attracted considerable attention from adventurers world wide.

Mount Everest is the highest mountain in the world, attracting considerable attention from adventurers world wide.

Sentence 2 is a run-on sentence. specifically, it’s a comma splice. The best solutions are to change the comma to a semicolon or to break it into two sentences:

Whether the mountain was climbed in ancient times is unknown; it may have been climbed in 1924.

Whether the mountain was climbed in ancient times is unknown. It may have been climbed in 1924.

Sentence 4 is a phrase. To complete this fragment, we must add a verb: “In 1953, an expedition led by John Hunt set out.”

The tasks accomplished in sentence 8 are not parallel. One possible revision is as follows:

As planned, their work in route finding, trail breaking, and caching extra oxygen was of great aid to the following pair.

In sentence 9, the two men are not presented in a parallel way. Here are two possible revisions:

the New Zealander Edmund Hillary and the Nepali Tenzing Norgay

Edmund Hillary, a mountaineer from New Zealand, and Tenzing Norgay, a Nepali sherpa climber from India

Sentence 11 is a run-on. It’s just missing a comma before the coordinating conjunction:

At the time, both acknowledged it as a team effort by the whole expedition, but Tenzing revealed a few years later that Hillary had put his foot on the summit first.

The tasks accomplished in sentence 12 are not parallel. The two men paused at the top of the mountain to do two things:

They paused at the summit to take photographs and to bury a few sweets and a small cross in the snow before descending.

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