A Celebration of Fright Flicks Old and New, Mainstream and Obscure (with the occasional civilian film tossed in as well)

Sunday, November 25, 2018

THE BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS (1961) Full Script and Movie Review

The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961) d. Coleman Francis (USA)(54 min)

Tor Johnson, the ex-wrestler who attained everlasting infamy in several Ed Wood features, is the nominal “star” of this hilariously misguided cinematic achievement. “Noted scientist” Joseph Javorsky (Johnson) is ambushed while carrying atomic secrets during a meet-up and chased onto an atomic testing ground. (Oh, sweet irony.) Before you can say Big Bang Boom, the hulking bald-headed brainiac is transformed into a hulking bald-headed maniac with a radiation-scarred visage and a pronounced hindrance in communication skills. Helpless women are kidnapped, kids are chased with sticks and a cuddly bunny bounces in for the greatest closing shot on celluloid.

To cut costs, writer/director Francis elected to shoot without sound and watching his actors’ heads strategically trimmed out of frame or turning their backs to camera during “dialogue” sequences is a constant source of amusement. But this epic Turkey’s true magic lies in its hypnotically poetic non-sequitars espoused by an anonymous offscreen narrator (Francis, naturally).

This jaw-dropping, mind-blowing cavalcade of drivel includes such unforgettable gems as “Flag on the moon... how did it get there?” “A man runs. Someone shoots at him.” “Nothing bothers some people... not even flying saucers.” “Touch a button. Things happen.” and my personal favorite, “Boys from the city, not yet caught in the wheels of progress, feed soda pop to the thirsty pigs.”

(Woman walks into bedroom wearing towel, sits down on bed, gets strangled on
bed by mysterious figure, gets laid down on bed by figure)

Narrator: Joseph Javorsky. Noted scientist. Recently escaped from behind the
Iron Curtain. Wife and children killed in Hungary. His aide carries a
briefcase. Secret data on the Russian moon shot. Joseph Javorsky’s destination:
Yucca Flats and a meeting with top brass at the A-bomb testing ground.

(Flight lands, Javorsky comes out, other car drives up)

Narrator: These men are also from behind the Iron Curtain. Two of the Kremlin’s
most ruthless agents. Their orders: Get the briefcase. Kill Javorsky.

(Agents shoot at scientists getting off plane)

“Mr. Javorsky! Get in the car!”

(Car drives off, agents in pursuit)

Narrator: Flag on the moon. How did it get there? Secret data. Pictures of the
moon. Secret data. Never before outside the Kremlin. Man’s first rocket to the
moon.

Narrator: Jim Archer. Joe’s partner. Another man caught in the frantic race for
the betterment of mankind. Progress. Jim Archer. Wounded parachuting on Korea. Jim
and Joe try to keep the desert road safe for travelers. Seven days a week.

Narrator: Joseph Javorsky. Respected scientist. Now a fiend. Prowling the
wastelands. A prehistoric beast in the nuclear age. Kill. Kill just to be
killing.

(Beast wanders off)

Narrator: The mouth of a cave over a thousand feet up over jagged cliffs. A man
murdered. A woman’s purse. Jim and Joe pick their way upward to the mouth of
the cave. One slip… and a thousand feet to nowhere.

(they discover the woman)

“Well, there’s the owner of the purse.”
“Yeah. Let’s take her down. Might still be alive.”
“Yeah, she’s still breathing. Careful with her arm, Joe.”
“Hey, Joe. Here, feel her pulse.”
“Well, doctors can’t help her. Maybe angels. But not doctors.”

“Come on, Art. Let’s get some soda pop!”
“Hey, mister? Do you mind if we bother you a minute?”

(attendant gets up)

Narrator: Boys from the city, not yet caught in the whirlwind of progress, feed
soda pop to the thirsty pigs. Coyotes, once a menace to travelers. Missile
bases run ‘em off of their hunting grounds.

“How much I owe you?”
“Three dollars.”
“Boys! We’re leaving!”
“Mom. We saw some real pigs.”
“Yeah, and a coyote.”
“Coyote?”
“Yeah.”
“Don’t you be playing with coyotes. Now come on. We’re leaving. Come on.”
“Aw, we never get to have any fun.”

Narrator: 110 in the shade… and no shade. Jim and Joe try to make their way up
to the plateau. To reach the top, a man needs an airplane. A jump from a plane
could land you on top. But the killer’s not on the plateau. Hours in the
broiling hot desert sun, with no trace of the killer. To put Jim Archer’s
paratroop training to good use is the only answer. A trip up into the skies and
jump. And if the killer is on the plateau, kill him.

Narrator: Always on the prowl. Looking for something, somebody to kill. Quench
the killer’s thirst.

(Jim points rifle out airplane window, shoots at Hank, Hank looks disappointed
and runs, more shooting, more running, more shooting, more running, Hank falls
down side of mountain.)

Narrator: Shoot first. Ask questions later. The pilot dropped his man. If Joe
Dobson moves north, Hank will be caught in the middle. An innocent victim
caught in the wheels of justice. A man runs. Somebody shoots at him.

(Jim parachutes down. Hank gets up.)

Narrator: Jim Archer, ex-paratrooper. Trained to hunt down his man and destroy
him. The hunter and the hunted. With only a few hundred yards between him and
the enemy, Jim closes in for the kill.

(Hank walks away, Jim in pursuit. Lois wanders around, Hank finds his way back
to the car.)

“Hank! Where are the boys? Why are you running?”
“There’s no time to explain, Lois. Stay here. The boys may come back. Gotta get
help.”

(Hank drives off in car)

Narrator: Joe Dobson headed north and met Jim. 20 hours without rest and still
no enemy. In the blistering desert heat, Jim and Joe plan another attack. Find
the beast and kill him. Kill or be killed. Man’s inhumanity to Man.

About Me

Well, during the day I move among you as mild-mannered Aaron Christensen, Chicago actor. But at night, when the popcorn pops full, I transform into my alternate personality Dr. AC, hopeless horror movie nerd-cum-Ambassador of Horror.
However, despite my inclination to discuss monsters that pervade, aliens that invade, creatures of the night, vampires that bite...I'm actually the nicest guy you'll ever meet.