Facebook is the herpes of social media

That’s because Farcebook has had its dirty electronic hands down your panties for years, folks. That itch you feel to check it all the time means you’ve been fucked. Hooked and fucked. And now infected.

Anything calling itself a “service” and raking in billions per anum is anything but. I said it at the outset and I’ll throw in a meaty I Told You So now: It’s been feeding off you like a fat, juicy tick and your psychological insecurities have been, oh, so delicious. Don’t wanna miss photos of your ex’s weight gain or your colleague’s two-year-old twins learning to use toilet paper the hard way. Charming.

Well, it’s judgement day, you benumbed lemmings. The feces has hit the fan. You were apparently just fine with Fecesbook mining and manipulating your private life with its tick superpowers up until now but apparently, you draw the line at Republicans.