Here’s How to Escape The First 2016 Presidential Debate

Notice something on your television’s guide this evening? Every network is covering the presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. You think CNN had found a missing plane with the intro graphics. I hope the graphics person gets paid well and has royalties baked into the salary as many times as we will see Hillary’s and Donald’s ‘serious face.’

It’s billed as the debate of the century. It’s a coin flip on if that’s hyperbole or the state of the country. 100 million people will tune in. Super Bowl-esque ratings. Hate to fact check the fact checkers, but it’s a bit disingenuous when you can’t change the channel and not run into it being aired. And the last Super Bowl had 114 million viewers. Damn that new math from news organizations. The Super Bowl has one channel. Tonight’s debate? Every channel.

And it will inevitably disappoint. That’s how debates work. Unless Donald Trump starts raging the hell out on stage, it will be like the primary debates. Overblown and the real screw ups occur the morning after. Pundits will choose the narratives and hammer each home over and over.

Substantial discussions? Since when? 90 minutes with 2 minutes per candidate to not answer the question. Complex issues of national security, terrorism, etc. in four minutes per question. That’s not a discussion. It’s an extended sound bite.

Oh, I know. What about the voter tuning in for the first time? Those don’t exist this cycle. If you haven’t heard of Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump, you’re trolling the pollster. 2016 is about the ‘ehh, whatever voter.’ Undecided voters are gone. People have a visceral reaction with each candidate. We despise one or the other. Probably both.

Right, the independents. If there were independents in the voting bloc, we wouldn’t be wondering how Ohio will vote every four years. That’s turnout, not swing voters.

Saying a voter is an independent is the lowest grade of hipster. They just want to check the third box so each person can complain on Day 1 when their favorite candidate didn’t win. Or maybe their candidate won but all those promises? It’s this with more kickbacks:

How to escape? Well, thank god for technology. We have choices ranging from Fall TV kicked off last week, Netflix, Amazon Video or even detoxing from all screens and heading outside for a nice evening. Trust me; you won’t miss anything your Facebook feed won’t immediately fill up with in real-time.

5 Options to Avoid the Presidential Debate

Your DVR. If you want to knock off a few brain cells, you can on-demand the reboot of MacGyver on CBS. I’ll admit to watching it Friday out of morbid curiosity. Could it be as bad the trailers? The answer is hell yes. Enjoy the eight season run Mac.

Other options include Blindspot, The Blacklist or Quantico. Toss in a few Chicago dramas and you’re set.

America Damn It. Need a dose of America without having to watch the Presidential debate? Two quick options. The Last Ship is a Navy recruitment commercial that’s awesome. Three seasons worth and while it’s cheesy, it’s easy to be hooked.

And London Has Fallen is on Netflix. Nothing says America like an Australian playing a Secret Service agent taking on the evil terrorists. Shit, I mean radical Islamic terrorists. Because the additional descriptors somehow make a difference fighting ISIS.

Sci-Fi. Somewhere along the way, Syfy suddenly began showing shockingly good shows. First up, The Expanse. It returns in January for season 2 and is my personal favorite. Then you have two seasons of Dark Matter and Killjoys to watch.

If that’s not enough, watching Matt Damon grow potatoes on Mars is something I can watch over and over. It’s damn good stuff.

Netflix. Stumbled across this, but the fifth season of Longmire is airing on the streaming service. House of Cards if you just need some politics and like watching Kevin Spacey beat the shit out of his desk with his class ring. Give us a double tap for democracy.

Not feeling those two? Marco Polo. It’s fantastic, and if I ever meet Benedict Wong, I want to hear the man say ‘Speak.’ If you can’t get enough Marvel, there are two seasons of Daredevil and one of Jessica Jones.

Theater. 100 million people falling asleep means peak movie times have cleared out. Who can deny Denzel in The Magnificent Seven? It’s Denzel Washington. Enough said. It was the number one movie over the weekend, and there are plenty of holdovers. Suicide Squad is also surprisingly good with the benefit of lowered expectations.

There’s your brief escape from Presidential politics. Me? I haven’t caught up on Killjoys yet, so I know my plans. Sure, I’ll take a quick glance to see if Donald Trump suddenly grabs the podium and goes full American Gladiator on stage. That’s not likely, so I’ll be enjoying quality Syfy programming.

The nuclear option is to turn off the screens and enjoy what should be a nice autumn night for most of the country. Maybe hit the bed early and prepare yourself for when you check your phone tomorrow morning. Facebook should be damn interesting.

And don’t worry about missing out. Three years of war in Syria isn’t solved by four minutes of two candidates talking. Those are just rehearsed lines from Clinton and whatever mood Trump shows up in. We’ll all know what’s happening by the constant push notifications to our phones.

It’s already Monday. Do we really want to end our least favorite day of the week with a Presidential debate between two candidates with historic negatives? I’d rather watch the MacGyver reboot again. With commercials.

Let me know what you would rather be watching. Plenty of options I left out, so sound off.