If you've ever wanted to see a wig with teeth, you've come to the right place. In addition to showing off toothy hair extensions, Erin tackles the ridiculous things people sell in the name of breast cancer, and Bryan looks at fitness guru's Jillian Michaels' recent comments that she sometimes wishes she wasn't gay. Also, do you buy your jewelry at the grocery store?

The last moment of the heat wave exposed Erin to a man with a masturbating tattoo and Bryan to a move in situation with his boyfriend. In importanter news, Nicholas Sparks, soft focus romance purveyor, opened a school only for white straight Christians in linen and Erin reads Alabama to filth for going too far in the pro-life battle.

Shade? Yes, please! Because heat wave! Erin went to the pool to cool off (legs in the pool, honey) and saw some sweet man-nips and a super-classy masturbation tattoo. And in this week’s ‘ssues, Bryan pulls the linen pants off romance author Nicholas Sparks and exposes his lily white private school for white kids. Plus, instead of spending money on healthcare, Alabama’s hiring lawyers to represent fetuses. Bryan’s solution: steak au poivre!

Have you ever had an earth witch on a commune stand across from you and massage herself from her legs to her vagina to her chest without breaking eye contact? Then you and Erin have a ton in common this week. Also, a lesbian teacher was fired from her school for getting pregnant and did you know that women only make up less than 10 percent of all statues in the U.S.? Sad but true but dumb.

Have you ever had an earth witch on a commune stand across from you and massage herself from her legs to her vagina to her chest without breaking eye contact? Then you and Erin have a ton in common this week. Also, a lesbian teacher was fired from her school for getting pregnant and did you know that women only make up less than 10 percent of all statues in the U.S.? Sad but true but dumb.

Would you have sex in clown makeup for $50? No, that's not the plot of Dolphin Tale 2. It's an actual bet Bryan made with Erin. Also, Erin gets a performance review from Bryan to see if Fortune Magazine was correct when they reported that women get reviewed very differently than men. Plus, did you know that Caesar was a bottom?

Can we talk about the clown world for a second? We can, and we do. While we’re at it, let’s talk about sex (performed by men in exchange for money). And, it’s time for Erin’s annual performance review! Will Bryan criticize her for qualities that he wouldn’t criticize in men? Probably, considering his thoughts about women doing voice-overs in films. Kabuki!

The NFL's first openly gay player Michael Sam is off the Rams! But ESPN had the real scoop - he never made showering awkward. And! Did you hear that there's finaly nail polish to prevent rape?! Someone had to do it! Also, the singer-songwriter Kimbra joins Erin and Bryan to talk "Somebody That I Used to Know," winning a Grammy, and flying Emirates Airlines. Also, how many famous broccoli cartoons can you name?

Move over, Penn & Teller! There's a new Vegas duo in town! The only difference is that instead of magic, they sing mash-ups like Girl Talk - but so much worse! Plus ESPN wants to talk about Michael Sam, and the fact that he's just your average football player will NOT deter them from making him into a story. Guest star Kimbra, won't you soothe us with stories of Emirates Airlines and your aversion to body paint?

Erin challenged Bryan to throw ice for ALS! So instead he's just gonna write them a check. Also, Queen of Bangs Michelle Duggar of "19 Kids and Counting" said some incredibly stupid things about trans women. And finally, indie super-duo Tanlines drop by to talk about everything from the Ying-Yang twins to Google to Bernadette Peters. Also, can you climax standing up?