focusing on what matters most

Tag Archives: important things

My children are my world! They are one of the relationships that matter in my life.

As a child, I grew up in a single parent home. My mother, Diana, did her best to provide for my younger brother and me. She made many sacrifices and worked long 12-hour days, sometimes in 3 different jobs.

My mom didn’t graduated from High School because she had me at such a young age. Yet, she always encouraged me to excel academically. She wasn’t perfect but loved me. Today, she remains a very close friend and one of my biggest heroes.

Now that it’s my turn to parent, I understand the challenges she faced from a whole new perspective.

Parenting is not easy; and I’m quickly realizing how much I need to learn. The temptation to bail out emotionally is definitely there. It’s easy to say, “I’m busy,” or “Go ask your mom.” But I must resist these excuses.

It really doesn’t matter if your father was there or not. We still need to step up and take an active roll in our children’s lives. The risk of being an absentee father (physically or emotionally) is too high for us to ignore.

There are many influential people in my children’s lives. Grandparents, teachers, spiritual leaders, coaches and mentor, but a father’s influence has the greatest impact. It’s my job to invest my time, values, wisdom, passions, and love into them.

I want to be DAD.

This is not about being a perfect father because no one can achieve it. What’s required is to be present and do our best. Living the simple lifestyle helps me avoid distractions and stay focused on what matters most, my children. They are one of the important relationships in my life.

Many people dream about vacationing or honeymooning in some beautiful tropical paradise. Yet because Camilla and I are islanders, 14 years ago we picked Colorado as our honeymoon destination. It was an opportunity to experience a new culture and to see the Rocky Mountains for the first time. The whole idea was romantic and exciting!

Last year, life for us shifted and we had the opportunity to relocate anywhere we wanted. We picked Denver. It was like a dream come true. But even in the most idyllic place, life can still become complicated. I was unemployed and my savings were dwindling. I had an abundance of free time but free time in this case was stressful.

Even after I found a “buffer” job, I worried about the bills and the things we might needed in the future. I was hard on myself and began to wallow in thoughts of failure. But my family gave me much needed perspective. Each evening when I came home, they would greet me with the biggest smiles. My children would run to meet me at the door chanting, “Daddy’s home! Daddy’s home!”

It felt good to be admired despite what I thought of myself during that difficult period of transition. The constant affirmation led me to start asking, “What matters most in life?” I thought I knew, having drafted quick lists in my past. But regardless of what I thought I wanted, I often failed to give them the highest value in my life.

I’m getting closer to answering the what matters most in life question.

To start, an outlook of gratitude and healthy relationships are most important to me. These are easy to express, but probably not so easy to master. They require living with minimal clutter and distraction. They require consistency. And because I love myself and the people closest to me, the effort is worth it.