So you're feeling the matrimonial itch, but you don't know how to break it to your significant other. You've introduced them to your family, talked about your future, maybe even discussed whether or not you'd ever have kids.

But they haven't taken the hint. Why?

Your mom tells you to whip them up some Engagement Chicken - an old-fashioned roasted chicken recipe women have been seducing men into monogamy with for some time. But your guy's just not that style.

No, he's more of a steak and potatoes guy.

Never fear! Fortunately for you, the latest rage is the Meatloaf Wedding Cake, a multi-tiered cake of ground beef, mashed potato frosting, frozen vegetable detail, and - of course - a bridegroom made from hot dogs with an ornamental kale accent.

STEP ONE:

Line three small (around 7-inch, 6-inch, and 5-inch) cake pans with parchment paper and heat the oven to 350F. Pack a bunch of the meat into the cake pans snugly, and put them into the oven. Bake for 30 - 45 minutes or until the meat is no longer red in the middle. Let them cool for about 10 minutes, and drain any meat juice that has gathered in the pans.

STEP TWO:

Set the largest meatcake layer onto a dinner plate, and spread some of the mashed potatoes over the top. Set the next largest meatcake layer on top of this, and top with another scoop of mashed potatoes. Finally, add the smallest meatcake layer. This will look like a cute little hat, worn by a melting meat monster.

STEP THREE:

Now go crazy with the mashed potatoes, covering the top and sides of the layers. Once all surfaces are well covered, smooth out the edges. Decorate the edges of the cake with peas and dots of sriracha (or any other hot sauce of your choice).

STEP FOUR:

And now to add the little hot dog bride and groom (or bride and bride or groom and groom) to the top. To do this, slice a hot dog in half horizontally. Paint on faces using ketchup and mustard (toothpicks make excellent condiment paintbrushes), add a little wedding dress made out of kale or another leafy green, then stick them into the top of the cake using toothpicks.