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Monday, September 29, 2014

Nakedness

I grew up in a culture where the
only time a person is permitted to be naked is at birth, in the bath, and in
the privacy of your bedroom; at all other times, a person should be fully
clothed.

We settled this in the Garden of
Eden: we wear clothes; angels wear robes.

So someone explain to me this
rash of successful new TV shows where everyone romps around au naturelle? I’m talking about the shows on the regular
stations, not the ones that take a special subscription and carry an x-rating.

Naked and Afraid is not
about internal conflict. It’s folks out
in the wilderness trying to survive in the altogether. I live in the wilderness. We country folk would never dare to venture
out among the biting insects and poison ivy without covering as much skin as
possible. We know better than to encounter
a skunk, chiggers, or a rattler wearing only our bifocals.

Dating Naked is
another such show. In my day, dating was an opportunity to spend quality time with
a person we liked and wanted to know better. We wanted to eventually see them
naked, but most often not on the first date. The couples on this show are not
concerned about each other’s souls, nor do they discuss existentialist ideals. They
like being naked and want to be around other naked people. They worry more about
their grooming and physical appearance than regular folks because they cannot
rely on the magic of Spanx. On the up side, they spend less time and money on
their wardrobes.

Buying Naked? What on earth is that about? I watched one show where the couple was in
the process of buying a house, so I have no idea if the show explores other
naked retail opportunities. I could not envision my real estate agent friends meeting
with nude clients, chauffeuring them around naked in their family vans to “look
at” houses, or vetting neighborhood HOA’s on their tolerance towards home
owners who prefer to prune their pecan trees in the nude.

What on earth is next?

Cooking Naked? I have had
frightening encounters while frying bacon and steaming broccoli. I have had near misses with my Ginsu
knife. Why would anyone want to cook
without the benefit of clothes, an oven mitt, and an apron?

What about Naked Court? Every time I have been called to show for
jury duty, it has been accompanied with a stringent dress code reminder. How could
anyone be taken serious in a small claims court when all you claim to own is in
plain view except for your earrings, a watch, and maybe some tattoos?

Nope, nudity should stay where it
belongs – at birth, in the bathroom, and in the privacy of one’s bedroom. Say NO! to nakedness.