Tony Allen

Up until this year, Jimmy Butler looked like he was always going to be a Wesley Johnson-Iman Shumpert type of wing. Can get you 13-15 points on a good night, hits a few three balls, shoots crappy from the field and nabs a few steals here and there.

His improvement was steady over his first three seasons, but heading into this year’s fantasy drafts, the thought going through most people’s minds was: This guy’s a sleeper, sure, but Derrick Rose is coming back. If Rose is finally healthy, Butler is a non-factor, and even if he isn’t, we’re not missing out on much.

Right here I instruct you to crank up the volume on your device/computer as loud as you can and click on this link.

Butler came into Friday’s tilt against the Blazers with a string of four straight games where he topped 20, including a 32-point explosion against the Pacers. I’m singling out that Blazers game as a caveat, as Da Bulls entered Portland with no Rose, no Pau Gasol, no Kirk Hinrich and no chance of winning. Butler, who had nine points on 3-13 shooting, joined his teammates in chucking up prayers to try and stay in the game, and almost none of those prayers were answered.

I will say this. The Portland game does expose Butler as a guy who cannot carry a real NBA team. In other words, he is not a healthy Derrick Rose in Derrick Rose’s prime. I think Butler’s value is intrinsically tied to the health of this squad. If, for example, Gasol is healthy, but Rose isn’t, Butler is very valuable. If both are healthy, still valuable, but not as much. If neither is healthy, he will be up and down, struggling against good teams, dominating bad ones.

Long-term, I see a sell-high wing. Yeah, it’ll taste good right now, but later tonight, your significant other will be relegating you to sleeping on the couch. And it won’t be because you snore.

After Mo Williams was moved back into the starting line-up last night, he showed his Rubio-esqueness going 14/3/13 in a fantastic dimebag performance. The chosen player for the open this morning, I asked Mo to interview me and my method for compartmentalizing everything fantasy basketball into a daily recap:

Mo:I feel ya. So what’d you think about my facilitating last night? Pretty sick line back in the starting 5.

JB: Well, I don’t really watch the NBA. There’s no sports I like to watch, so I make them up myself and watch them again, and it’s the best thing… But even in my self-created NBA, it was pretty impressive. The way you can distribute while making time go slow… Or fast… As you please… And how you know it doesn’t exist.

Mo: I have been turning back the clock, that’s for sure! That baby Zach LaVine is way behind me for fantasy these days, right?

JB: There’s a duality to it. So when one thought goes into your mind, it’s not just one thought, it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain. When you’re thinking “yes”, you’re thinking “no”. It’s a tool for understanding. It comes from a place of oneness.

Mo: I have no idea what the F you’re saying. Just tell me, am I a good medium-term value until Ricky Rubio gets his ankle all healed up?!

JB: If he wants his muscles to grow, he has to shock them. If you want society to change, you have to shock them. That’s what art is, shocking people.

JB: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many people die in hospitals every day. Med school? What’s up with that!? I still haven’t been to med school and I haven’t died in a hospital, I can’t see how med school is really helping anyone out… Same with LaVine, in whatever universal form he occupies…

With the full 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Rankings now complete, let’s take a look at the final 50. Sean Connery. Kevin Costner. Tons of Great Depression-esque costumes. I’d imagine if you’re in a deep league and looking at the field below with your last pick or two, you’re feeling something like this:

It’s pretty hopeless, as in 12-teamers these are all likely guys you’re merely starring on your watch list post draft. There’s some questionable talent, some questionable roles, maybe even someone that’ll give you The Grapes of Wrath, but some untapped upside! Here’s my top 200 for the 2014-15 Fantasy Basketball Season (based on 9-cat H2H):

The injury bug hath claimed another victim, with LaMarcus Aldridge suffering a tough fall in San Antonio on his lower back/coccyx. What are you doing to us fantasy gods?! While reports right now is it was only a lower back contusion, you never want to hear “needed a wheelchair to get around the arena.” Unless you’re Professor X! Yikes. As Slim is putting out early this afternoon, the Blazers have a mammoth of a 5-week slate coming up in the second week of the playoffs. So if you’re an Aldridge owner, I would just thank my blessings, or count my lucky stars, or something like that, if L.A. can indeed give you all five of those. In the immediacy, Thomas Robinson looks like an interesting pickup for some flashy upside. “Oh camon JB, Thomas Robinson again!?” Yup! And I said it last time and he had a 14/18/2/0/2 in there! I serious doubt Aldridge will suit up again this week, giving T-Rob some serious run. We’ll obviously get some more detailed updates throughout the day, so sacrifice a shot of rum to Jobu, or rub your bunions against the carpet, whatever you do to appease the fantasy gods to get a healthy Aldridge back for the postseason. Here’s what else went down in fantasy action:

Razzball Nation! We’re here on a special weekend wrap-up where Slim (this is JB speaking) got to the action and JB just snuck in the beginning. And snuck in the end! I’m like Brad Pitt at the Oscars. “Wait, why is he winning best picture! So confused right now…” Tomorrow I’ll proudly illustrate what I did over the weekend, but a nice defining touch hoops-wise was another great one from my boy Mike Scott, who while posting great lines, isn’t helping the Hawks win… And that’s a problem! Especially with Paul Millsap assumedly back sometime soon this week. But I thought Gravity mighta gotten best picture too! After a really rough send-off last Monday, went bonkers on the Suns for 20/5/2/3/0 with three treys and not a single TO. I bet Philly sports fans wish they had no TO. BOOM! Double sports joke. The main number that got my emoji tats all excited was the 40 mins played. Millsap is going to travel with the Hawks as they migrate on a 5-game road trip, but very easily could miss the first few making Scott a solid short-term add. So beam him aboard, win a big week as we near playoff time, and don’t forget to yell over the music if those pompous mf#@*$ng PA guys at the Oscars wanna condescend you by playing the music. And here’s Slim with what he saw over the weekend:

When the New Orleans Saints won the Super Bowl in 2009, it was a great example of how the Sports Karma Gods can sometimes rush in after tragedy strikes to lift a city up and help it rebuild.

But then that was it. No more, said the Sports Karma Gods. Because since 2009, Big Easy sports fans have endured the Sean Payton scandal, the Chris Paul trade, the Hornets changing their name to the Pelicans, the freaking horrible uniforms for this year’s NBA All-Star game and a rash of injuries not unlike the rash Candy Flanders gave me in my sophomore year of high school. Er, ah, moving on.

No no no, that’s not some sort of euphemism for not flushing… Victor Oladipo had a unreal game last night, almost giving the Magic enough to beat the Bulls in tres overtime. I watched this game and was making all sorts of Oladipo highlights slashing to the rim. Ended up with a 35/4/8/3/1 line shooting 15-24 with a trey. Career-high alert! And it wasn’t due to the minutes (58), he only scored 2 in the 3 OTs I believe. Did boost his dimes by a few though… A guy I was extremely steadfast about holding onto and buying low is paying out your quarterly dividends. Well, it would be more like bi-weekly dividends, but if a stock did that I want in! The 8 TOs last night was a bugaboo, but just part of VO’s game. He’s going to continue to get these big minutes and touches for the duration. Pumped to see him finish out his rookie of the year campaign. Here’s what else I saw in a busy night of NBA hoops:

Ohhhh man, the mile run. Nothing establishes popularity in middle school more than the mile run. You have the athletes who can just jog but have to semi-try, the dorks who are OK at sports that do pretty well (me!), the cool kids that just walk, the unhealthy people who saunter, and then the coolest dudes who hide behind the scoreboard on the other side of the track as the teachers and smoke cigs. True story! But the real run to talk about this morning is C.J. Miles‘ run, who’s capped off three straight great games. Hit a ridiculous 10 treys last night, for a 34/5/2/2 line shooting 11-18 and 10-14 from deep. If only someone called it yesterday! And proof to the theory of ThrAGNOF. Got you 10 treys for just one spot start. Great night for Miles and shows us yet again that if you need to stream guys, play anyone facing the Sixers. As I mentioned yesterday, their D is league worst in points allowed by nearly 7 points more a game given up than the second-worst. It’s a fast-paced team with bad D no matter how you slice it. Unfortunately for Miles, the acquisition of Luol Deng is really going to hurt his minutes, making him a guy you’re probably not picking up in standard leagues or solid 12-teamers. Just won’t have the minutes or upside. But luckily he had one last game to show his range and should stay in the mix for deeper leaguers. Here’s what else I saw last night in a big slate of games:

The misadventures of JB and Slim will not be shown today at its normally scheduled time due to Slim’s sudden disappearance into da bush. Instead we proudly present our D-League extravaganza. A showcase of the talent currently being developed in the minors.

Pierre Jackson – PG – Idaho Stampede (NOP) – After transferring to Baylor from Southern Idaho, Pierre quickly proved he was a D1 talent. In 2 years, Pierre twice achieved All-Big 12 Second Team honors with averages of 16.5 points and 6.5 assists. With the 42nd overall pick Jackson was drafted by Philadelphia and then dealt to New Orleans in a draft day trade. After barely playing in the summer league and not seeing any minutes in the preseason Pierre began his professional career in earnest for the Idaho Stampede. Ya know Vern, through 8 games Pierre is averaging 30 points, 5.0 assists, and 2.4 steals to go with an unwieldy 5.0 turnovers, good enough to be twice named performer of the week. Jackson doesn’t have a direct route to playing time and needs to get the turnovers in check before he steps foot on an NBA court. There is a ton of talent here though and with a trade or injury Pierre could be given an opportunity this year, uh huh oui oui!

Yea yea I know… Of all the “Knight” puns, that’s the best ya got?! Man did Brandon Knight have a huge game last night, notching a career-high 36 points for a 36/9/3/0/1 line shooting 13-25 and 6-12 from deep. As you all know, I was a huge Knight fan heading into the year, stuck with him, and think this is what he averages here on out. Wiggity what?! Haha, just kidding to see if you were paying attention. I’ve always liked his ability to board, he’s probably the best pure scorer on that team, and can shoot treys and drive. But I’m a little tired of the “but he doesn’t assist!” from the hate Mafia. Who gives a flip man?! Of course because he’s a PG, he gets dogged for bad Ast:TO, and listen I get it – 8 TOs last night bums hard – but if Ryan Anderson had that line last night, people would be sacrificing live chickens just to meet him. Pedro Cerrano doesn’t like when his PG doesn’t dish! “If Brandon Knight doesn’t average 8 dimes a game, I say forget you Jobu! I do it myself!” Knight will never be an elite fantasy PG, sure, but a very useful one, definitely. He just has to navigate Larry Drew’s mood swings. Get the coach some Midol! Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy hoops: