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Controlled Burn

I worked on this painting for a week – sort of. What actually happened was that I worked on it for a day, then didn’t touch it for five days, and went back to it yesterday. I didn’t know what it wanted to be or where it was going. During those five days, I learned some information that made me just about as angry as I’ve ever been in my life… And that’s saying something. I live with seething, roiling anger all the time. This was different. Because of that anger, I took steps to ensure that no one will have to experience the crap I experienced (it involved real estate, which I am convinced is an area of life that’s full of elaborate rules for how to plug in arbitrary amounts of money and values, completely subjectively, for the sole purpose of perpetuating its own system and making large profits for banking institutions).

This was not a volcanic explosion of rage, but a controlled burn. It’s still burning, but I’m not going to scorch the earth with it. Rather, I’ll be letting it out in a very strategic manner that will happen to also be incredibly satisfying. It’s been a long time since I’ve really let someone hear the full brunt of my temper, yet I can remember the feeling of relief that came from it. In that case, it was also sort of involving real estate, but in a much less official manner. The recipient of my outrage had been, unbeknownst to him, crossing the line and stressing me out for at least two months prior to the eruption. In the present case, it’s been since early November, and what he did was also illegal. The proper authorities and overseeing institutions are being informed, but none of that guarantees that this person will not be involved in future real estate transactions that we attempt to make – and that’s where my controlled burn comes into play. It’s a win-win situation for me and my family – I get a major release, and it ensures that he won’t be able to “work” for us again due to a conflict of interest.

Conflict that’s set into motion ON PURPOSE, with strategic purpose. I think this is something to consider in a new light.