After 6 years of marriage, my husband's Muscular Dystrophy diagnosis and subsequent physical decline, my gastric bypass surgery, depression, and apparent infertility, this is where I find my new normal.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Happy December

The semester is winding down. After this week there are only 2 weeks of school left before the Christmas break. I am ready for the break. And I'm ready for my next set of classes to start. This next semester won't be so shooting photos heavy since I have a business class, a photoshop class, and a photographer's assistant class. I do have a black and white film class that will require shooting and developing but I hardly think that one class will equal the amount of images I've had to shoot for my three current classes. I am so thankful for the education I'm getting. It's hella scary and intimidating though. I hope as I go I can keep up, grow, and get even better. I talked to some upper level classmen tonight and said how reluctant I am to submit anything to the photo club's photo contests. They encouraged me to submit anyway because how else will I learn and grow? I guess. I am just a first semester student who only knows first semester stuff. How can I compete against students who have been in classes far longer than I have? Still, it doesn't hurt to try does it?

Bob continues to be visited by people nearly every day. Monday he saw a speech therapist, today he saw his OT and a new nurse who assessed him for homemaking help. He qualifies for 3 hours a week which isn't a lot but we just need someone to do basic cleaning. The homemakers would also do laundry (including IRONING!), run errands, grocery shop, etc. We are just asking for the floors to be vacuumed, swept and mopped, the bathrooms to be cleaned, and the furniture to be dusted. Yay! This will really go a long way to help me not feel so overwhelmed around here.

Bob is being visited by both his OT and PT tomorrow and next week we are seeing the gentleman that is helping us with the grant. Bob is getting sick of the visits but it's far better for him to have these people come here than it is to have to take him to all of these appointments. Also, all of these people have been helping him (us) with managing his disease. He is learning better how to conserve his energy so he has the energy to do what he wants to/needs to do all day. I am learning things too. Like what works for him and what doesn't. For instance, right now we are looking for a buyer for our antique dressers because he doesn't have the strength to open them to get clothes out anymore. We hope to replace them with something more accessible...probably from Ikea...something with shelves instead of drawers. Also, I'm learning how to help him with stretches and limbering exercises. He's surprisingly flexible and stretchy but needs help with some things due to not having the muscles to move certain ways. I am also learning to make sure Bob has healthy, protien-rich foods available to him at all times. So now we are stocking the fridge with hard boiled/peeled eggs, string cheese, cottage cheese in single serve containers, Ensure, and such. This is so when I'm not here, he has easy to eat, energy ramping foods within reach.

All these visits and all this education is helpful but it's also like getting smacked in the face with reality. Bob's disease is progressive, it's incideous, it has no cure, and it results in him getting weaker and weaker and losing more and more strength. It's conceivable that at some point (and this is nothing we want to think about right now) he will need help transfering, bathing, toileting, and eating. He may get to a point where I will have to puree his food. He may get to a point where he can't stand or walk at all on his own. These things are things we may have to deal with at some point. There is no telling when or at what point. What is good to know is that we don't have to face this alone. We have help. We have family. We have a church family (finally!). We have friends. That is what we will chose to think on right now.

Oh and finally, this month I turn 41. I am not ready. I don't feel 41. I hang out with kids half my age all week and I have a really tough time seeing myself as their mothers' age(Or nearly) . I just don't feel that old. I feel silly even saying it. I think this is why women lie about their age. I don't feel it so why should I say it? From now on, I will say that I'm 35. Anyway, my birthday is in 2 weeks and I'm not looking forward to it for the first time...in forever. Bob wanted to throw me a party but I vehmently declined. Plus the last party I threw only brought about 6 or 7 of my friends. Why add the humiliation of turning 41 on to that?

1 comment:

You know Amy, obviously I don't know you, but you strike me as such a positive person in the face of the burdens you have. So many people with less burdens would be seeing only negative, and you truly are able to see the positive -- that you have a good, loving husband, and an exciting path to a new career. I really admire that.

About Me

Welcome. My name is Amy. I am married to a hunky guy named Bob. We live in Minneapolis with our 3(you read that right) cats and 1 crazy dog. This is my space to rant, write, whine, and work things out in my brain. Your comments are welcome as long as you are not a troll and don't leave assvice. Read on!