because parenting isn't perfect

A Case of Toddler Morning Wood

I knew having a boy would have its awkward moments. I keep telling my husband I’ll potty train him to sit and he can teach him to aim someday. Needless to say, I just wasn’t really prepared for one at 7:30 a.m. after another crappy night of sleep and before any coffee or caffeine. I also didn’t think awkward moment number 1 would start at 27 months and 5 days. At least this time it was only awkward for me, of course until he’s 14 and finds this blog post =). Brecken already knows he has a penis, I wasn’t a big fan of the idea of having some silly name for it, I’m not a medical professional but calling it by its actual name has always seemed to be the best approach. Frequently he will point or touch it during diaper changes and say “this my penis” and usually the answer is “yup that’s your penis.” Interestingly that is often followed by “where’s my other penis?” Apparently Brecken has a spare, who knew. Where he keeps it, only he knows. Anyway, I digress.

This morning when I walked in to my chirping/yelling son, he stands up in bed and points to his diaper and says “What’s this?”

In my groggy still semi-sleepatose state, I say the obvious “Ah that’s your diaper?” Then I launch him onto the changer and pull off the diaper only to be greeted by what you menfolk refer to as “morning wood”. Ok whatever, this isn’t the first occurrence, he is a baby boy, but I’m pretty sure his penis has grown since the last occurrence, no pun intended.

Sure enough, Brecken points to it and says “What’s this” for lack of a better explanation and because well that’s what they call erection seemed a little much for 27 months and 5 days as well as 7:35 a.m. before coffee or caffeine, I simply said “that’s your penis”, to which he responded “it hurts.” Hmmm crap, I don’t remember anything about this hurting, I thought, perhaps it’s just awkward feeling, unusual maybe. Egads, what if it does hurt, what does one do? “I’m sorry that it hurts” I say, hoping to G*D he doesn’t ask me to kiss it which is the routine follow-up when something hurts, because if he does, I don’t care what time it is, I’m busting out the ice cream. Thankfully he did not, although when I went to put his new diaper on, there was no good way to do it. So I slapped the diaper on and off he went, with a little larger diaper this morning than most and thankfully already over our awkward conversation. Me, I may be scarred for weeks.

I am so not prepared for moments like this! I had never changed a boy before JR came along, and everything has been a little awkward. Hes a boy I know, but he is my little boy. Id like it to stay that way for a bit

It’s amazing how all our education, good intentions, self-talk just sort of falls to pieces when our kids (at any age) begin to question around sexuality.
“It’s your penis.” “Sometimes it gets bigger in the morning. Don’t worry. All little boys have this happen. Nothing bad is happening.” Whew–you made it. With total aplomb and the giving of accurate information. When he shows this off at your next family get together–you will have the opportunity to teach about private time and places. Ah–it only gets more complicated. all the best, Barb

It is, that is a totally appropriate response that under normal circumstances I could probably generate, but it was like suddenly I had no brain. Here’s to hoping that before it gets much more complicated I’ll be able to think a little quicker on my feet!