Thursday, June 09, 2005

When The Russell Crowes

It must be hard being Russell Crowe. After all, most of his time, he isn't Russell Crowe at all, he is:

a) An Australian success storyb) A Hollywood celebrity c)A person pretending to be someone else (ie, an actor).

Obviously, after his latest little spat with a clerk in a hotel lobby, Russell is finding it all a little bit - difficult. But imagine what it's like for the police interviewing him...

Detective: Mr Crowe, could you state your full name and address, please?Russell: Russell Maximus Decimus MeridiusThe GladiatorJohn Forbes Nash Bud WhiteHando Sid Jeffrey Wigan Crowe of Sydney, Ancient Rome, Australia, The Arena, Ohio, Los Angeles, Hollywood, The World, The Galaxy, The Universe. D: Uh - huh. And how do you spell that?R: R-U-S-S-E-L-L-C-R-O-W-E.D: Now, er, Russell, I put it to you that on the morning in the question, you took the phone to the front lobby of the hotel and you threw it at the witness...R: THE GLADIATORdoes not have to listen to these accusations! THE GLADIATOR can not be beaten! THE GLADIATOR...D: Did you or did you not throw the phone?R: Well, picking up the handset, I proceeded to project it across the room at a mean velocity of 10 metres per second, in a parabolic arc, so that it landed...D: Mr. Crowe?R: Er, yes. Yes I did.

Don't blame him, people of the world. He's from Australia. We're descended from convicts, and over here in Australia, crime is not only legal, it's compulsory. At least, I think it is. I don't really know much about history.