Monday, May 18, 2009

so we went to az a while ago and these are the results! finally on the blog. porter and wesley liked poking at each other. and i think i need to work on being more photogenic. and yes the background and everything else is REAL!!

Saturday, May 02, 2009

This is not going to be checked for spelling or grammar and i may ramble too much so read at your own risk. So tonight i sit here thinking. i cant sleep. i dont know why? you'd think because of the screens brightness that it would make me drowsy but no its like the computer screen is prying my eyelids open. Well a lot of my mind like always, i always have a lot on my mind before bed. its like i wait till its time to go to bed to really think more about things. it always takes me at least 20 min to fall asleep. right now I'm not writing for anyone to read this or hear what i have to say but just writing to write which i usually do else where other than this blog. I've been trying to be a better writer since Danny is really good. he really is an amazing writer which most people dont know. he inspires me and makes me wish that i could be at least half articulate as he is. and its not just him being so articulate. he writes things that i think of and cant put words to or am trying to figure out what I'm even thinking and he can write them out so perfectly, so creatively, so smoothly. so anyway ya hes a good writer and i would be his biggest fan it had had some published books and not because I'm his wife. There are so many good authors out there, the possibilities are endless. But lately by accident i have been reading some books by Douglas Coupland. They are hard to put down. I think i will probably read all of his books non- fiction AND fiction and i usually dont like fiction but his are good. Anyway hes a great story teller, good detail, suspense, and the way his characters philosophize their lives really resonate with me. he as well will say things in his book that make s me think ya thats how i feel sometimes or ya i have wondered what that would be like too. anyway hes a pretty good author so that's one thing on my mind. also i was thinking what it would be like to feel what others feel that i dont feel. like i wish i could just ask someone hey can you explain to me something that you feel that i dont? that would be weird to ask someone that but its also because hard for the person to reply. its just that there are so many different emotions in this world and feeling that i think am missing out any any type of feeling, and if i am, which ones? well there is one thought. oh another, yes adrenaline. oh adrenaline gets mt every time. i don't know why it gets e more than some but it does. when i sports, or do dangerous things the adrenaline starts to take over my brain. and me i guess it takes over even before i do something, i get it even when thinking about doing something. so the other day i went out with some friends on Saturday and we went to some dirt bike jumps. i only planned to do some down hill technical stuff and little bumps since i wanted to try out my new bike. well they took me to some big honkin jumps and i was like no way I'm jumping these. especially with my new bike which is not made for jumping big stuff. But all it took was seeing my friend try it (Rae) and my heart got pumping. Adam let me use his bike and i was hooked. i started little and worked my way up to (correct me if I'm wrong guys) but a jump that was maybe 10-15 feet high with 5 foot gap. oh what a rush it was. So much of a rush that the first jump i did even though i crashed i went for higher and when i crashed then i still wanted more. It knocked the wind out of me, i broke the seat, got a black eye and some other bruises but i still want more.( i will post some pics of this later) i guess its a feeling that some just dont get to feel and i wish everyone could. i want to watch people that are falling off cliffs and just connect a wire from them to me that would send that feeling to me. wouldn't it be nice if we all just had one of those "this is how I'm feeling wires" and could connect to anyone to feel what they feel.? pretty cool huh bu then i guess that would take some of the fun out of actually doing trick or having a conversation and or talking it out! i dont know if im very clear here of what im trying to say, thats why i envy those that are good with words. Well ok also another note on feelings. we just bought a new car today. ya crazy, i never thought it would come this soon. we weren't even planning on buying a new one. we wanted a used one. i have always bought used ones. for some odd reason i like used ones better. i don't like the shininess of a new one. i afraid of ruining it. almost like i just cant use it cuz i dont want it to get any worse. right now im having one of those feelings that i cant describe. when you buy a new car aren't you suppose to be excited??! well i have mixed feelings. its like i dont like owning shiny super clean things and im sad that all that money is going away. kinda like my engagement ring that i never wear(i wear my wedding band instead if i remember to take it out of my climbing bag). for some reason i feel dumb driving it almost like i need to get it dirty so it doesn't look so new but then i dont want to get it dirty cuz it cost too much!! ahhh! don't get me wrong when i see other people in nice new cars im like, nice, you look good in it and dont i think twice about it but for me its almost like i just dont fit in it. I fit in a piece of crap car that looks like a psycho drives it. Just like my clothes just raggy ole workout clothes that i bought dirt cheap and sometimes i admit it, i dont even wear a bra! (i dont need to most times.) There have been times in my life, many times that i dressed up a lot, looked more like a woman and had something fancy on but for some reason i never felt comfortable in those. i know other people can feel great in just about anything and they should but im all about plain. call it my bad style, bad taste, lack of fanciness, call it what you will but its just not me i guess and why force it, i remember too many times forcing it in high school and feeling like blaahh!!! there is no wrong or right way to dress or look and i dont judge anyone if they look fancy or not. and this all doesn't mean that i think other people shouldn't buy nice things, but what you want and be comfortable with it thats all!! well im going way off the subject so back to the car. We needed one though so we can take our road trip to Vancouver and other places in the future. I guess i will just have to get used to it but for some reason im not excited about getting used to it as i should be right? i will get in and think im driving in a lot of money, do i need to be? ya i guess we could have gone a little cheaper but for some reason we did not end up that way. the world gets ya, sucks ya in some how just like in high school, you feel uncomfortable at first and get used to it and then try to remember not to do it again net time. anyway its a Subaru Forester which is a good car, we will run it to the ground i guess. anyway thats it with my feelings. we are really grateful for what we do have though. i know a lot of people would love to have what we have or do what we can do. So why do i say thee things??? well just to write and get it out, not to complain or show people im right or wrong in what i think do or say cuz most of the time im probably wrong but its just fun to write and think about, thats all! an update: the little bates family is happy, healthy and looks forward to more adventures in the world. who'da thought buying a car was such an adventure, i mean its no rush off a bike jump and a great read but it sure makes you THINK!! at least it did me and that's why im up so late. goodnight! P.S. if you did get to read all this or some of it please let me know your thoughts feelings, what you want to say against or for what i have said.