So, you’re thinking about going to SXSW without a gold badge? Let us rephrase that, are you going to Austin on dates that coincide with SXSW and want to observe and report, but not get escorted out from a tent/party/conference while hundreds of geek-chics smirk at you?

Well, one of the Black Sheep is about to launch on the same adventure. Late to the party, she is without badge (or dignity) and ready to be told off and berated, experience multiple in-face door slammings by bespectacled hipsters and generally have a rockin’ good time for your reading pleasure.

This is her plan, but don’t hold her to it.

1. Slip into one venue and stay ALL DAY LONG.

This should be interesting and make for some good people watching. This plan includes packing multiple power bars, water, a possible wardrobe change and cell phone charger, a bag of business cards and one laptop computer. With a mobile workstation at her disposal, there will be plenty of time to set up serious shop. If you see someone that has built a temporary home around her computer with greasy hair and a territorial look on her face - that will be our scout. Oh wait, that’s what everyone looks like at SXSW.

2. Bar Wench Tactics

Our undercover Black sheep is a lady after all. And, on this occasion, we will use that term loosely. Yelpers recommend “keeping an eye open for male SXSW volunteers working doors” and “asking door-to-door what is going on.” Push up bra, tranny shoes and perfume from an aerosol can. Check.

3. Miss Manners

This girl may be lacking some class but that doesn’t mean she won’t say please, thank you and keep her elbows off the table. Tipping, waiting in line patiently and using an indoor voice have worked in the past. This hot mess plans to use what her mama taught her to the fullest.

4. Free Pickins’

Attend sessions virtually! Every schedule listing has a twitter hashtag specific to the panel. Plug them in and go! In tweetdeck you can even attend multiple panels at the same time. Take that gold badge!

Mashable House: Funday and Monday all day geek fest. Co-work and co-play while antics like skeeball, foosball and trivia compete for your attention.

New Movement Theatre will remedy your heartbreak from not getting to see what all the hoopla is about. Feast your eyes on dueling comedy troops.

Escape the madness and go to a Twitter oasis. With the helpful twitterati at your fingertips sample the tasteful décor and bumpin vibe compliments of the best party planners in town (at least we like to think so!)

Freebirds! Stop by and listen to live music while dive-bombing into a burrito as big as your face, while sipping a free margarita.

Lounging with a conscience: Join Unicef at the Beacon room for some feel good lounging as charity auctions, coffee and do gooder types abound.

Press

STUNT Club

The Society of Troublemakers Uniting in the Name of Theatrics. Flash mobs? Check. Protests? Check. Demonstrations involving livestock, costumes and kazoos? You bet! Are you ready to join the club? Read on >