This is from when I first started blogging. A lot has changed since I posted here. For a current story, please visit 5andaviking.blogspot.com. Thank you! P.S. Please don't choke on the cyber dust that has settled in these old archives. Also- try not to laugh at me too much. ;)

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Last night we had our bi-monthly women’s Bible study. For the past few months we’ve been meeting at my house (usually Mark has to work late on Tuesday’s, so I just put Gideon to bed and then I actually get to attend the bible study) anyway, Mark was home yesterday, and gave Gideon a bath as the meeting started, once he got out of the tub, I went up to nurse him and put him to bed. From Gideon’s room we could hear Joy start to lead worship, we heard the guitar and the voices of 5 worshiping woman. I usually sing a few worship songs while I put Gideon to sleep, so last night I just sang along with the woman downstairs. As I began to sing Gideon closed his eyes and lifted his hand, (he likes to imitate other people worshiping, it doesn’t matter what music is on, if he hears music, his hands are lifted and his body’s moving) but something was different this time, as he lifted his hand I felt the room flood with the presence of the Holy Spirit, it was literally like a wind. He held his hand up for about a minute, then needed to switch sides (remember, he was still nursing) and as soon as I began to sing again, he lifted his other hand. It was so simple, it was so sweet, this little mans effortless act of self abandonment ushered in the manifestation of the Holy Spirit. It was beautiful!

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Last night, my darling sister Jenessa spent the night with us. Gideon and I spent the day at my parents’ house, and when we went to pick Mark up from work (one car family…) I started feeling VERY sick. My “morning sickness” this pregnancy is really more of “evening - right when I need to start making dinner and Gideon is having fussy time – sickness” so it wasn’t really anything new, but this particular wave of nausea came on really bad, with pounding headache, dizziness, and all over achiness. Joy and Jenessa were trying to convince us to sleep over so I could sleep and they could help take care of Gideon (I have the greatest family ever!) and Mark thought that was a fantastic idea, because he had to work very early in the morning and said that he would have peace of mind knowing that if I woke up feeling this way, someone would be there to help with Gideon. This has happened before, we’ll sleep over at my parents house (I know, I’m a baby) and I’ll rest, and Gideon will have a blast hangin’ with the cool people. But this time I had this overwhelming sense of failure, this voice inside me shouting “no, I’m fine, I can do it! I’ll put Gideon to bed, I’ll get up with him; I’ll take care of things. I’ll do what I’m supposed to do. Mark just thinks I CAN’T do it, that’s why he wants help for me. How am I supposed to have more kinds if I can’t even handle one inside and one outside of the womb! What about when I have TWO outside of the womb! I am a failure!” I didn’t voice this to Mark, and casually hinted that I’d like to go home, the decision was made without me and I had strict orders, Nessa was coming home with us, and she was getting up with Gideon in the morning. I was to sleep in, and that’s final! (I know, what a tyrant) :-)

When we got home, I had this urge to clean frantically; I was practically running around the house, putting stuff away, moving dishes around, straightening pillows, washing counters. At this point Mark and Nessa realized there was something deeper going on in my heart, than what was going on in my body. Mark sat there with pleading in his eyes for me to sit down, and Nessa came beside me, and started cleaning, she said “will you sit down?” “No,” I said “if I do, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want to start crying, ‘cause who knows when I’ll stop.” “Okay” was the wise beyond years response from her.

Once I sat, out of sheer exhaustion and aching knees, I did start crying, it wasn’t a lot, just a few tears. I sat down with the computer hoping that I could find something else to think about, and it worked, momentarily. (FYI, don’t try to find out the meaning behind the nursery rhyme “Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold…” without a parental block on your computer, it’s not pretty!) But, when it came time to go to bed, I laid there, thinking about everything once again. However, this time, the enemy allotted a new spin on the failure theme, “This poor pre-born baby, don’t you remember how much time you prayed for Gideon when he was in the womb, you thought about him all day, you read scripture over him, better get on with that with this one, or…” and I’m not even going to ramble about the stupid things Satan tried to get me to believe about this baby. God spoke to me in the midst of this, He said, “look at where you came from, your mom is not wonder woman, she just follows hard after me. That’s all I ask of you, you had 5 siblings, none of you were neglected, things fell apart now and then, and you know from experience that it’s okay. The main thing you need to do is follow hard after Me. Everything else will fall in place, you will receive life from reading my Word, you will gain wisdom and intimacy by talking with me, you will have PEACE is knowing me more.”

I feel so silly when God has to show me this once again, because I’ve walked this road, and I’ve learned this same lesson in high school when I felt distracted, at work when I felt stressed and hopeless, in courtship, when I felt tempted, in engagement when I felt whatever craziness was in engagement, in marriage when I felt unfulfilled, in motherhood when I felt unqualified, distracted and alone. Follow hard after God, that’s all I need to do. For everything that I struggle with, forgiveness, being judgmental, loneliness, fear of failure, bitterness… will really be addressed and taken care of when I follow hard after God. Maybe this is something other moms and wives need to be reminded of, maybe it’s just something I easily forget, and the rest of the world still knows. I’m thankful though, that God is so faithful, faithful to remind me to follow hard after him, faithful to remind me of the same thing for over and over and over and over…

John 10:27; My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. 28I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand.

P.S. I know I got the “Follow hard” thing from somewhere, be it a book, song or preaching… I can’t seem to actually find it in the Bible, though I believe it to be a biblically sound thing, and even if it doesn’t make much sense, my soul know what it means, and I fully comprehend what it entails.

Friday, May 23, 2008

I was doing laundry the other day and because our washing machine is in our basement and our hampers are in our bedrooms (2 staircases above) it’s just not practical to leave Gideon playing in the living room while I dash here and there trying to get the wash done. (Gideon is a VERY busy boy, and we have several “no touch zones” in our house in order to teach him how to resist temptation, more on that another day though…) So I put Gideon in the ERGO on wash day, I know all seasoned, well adjusted mothers tell you to do a load a day and then you never get behind on laundry, but I just haven’t gotten that down yet, I usually end up forgetting the wet load, and the next day (or 4 days later) I have to re-wash the same load because of the musty smell leaking out of the washing machine. Anyway, I put Gideon on my back and laughed to myself because I ACTUALLY thought, hey, tiny baby in front, big baby in back… "WE’RE LIKE A PEOPLE MULLET!" So I documented it via photo, and thought, what a random thing… I shall blog about it. I was asked to do a blog on folding a fitted sheet, (I’m pretty much a master at it) but I’m told Danica already did that and I don’t want to step on any toes. Sorry Isaac. I’ll give you a private lesson.

Okay, so yesterday when I wrote about my country white bread, I hadn’t actually finished making it (rather the bread machine hadn’t) so after Gideon woke up from his morning nap, feeling very hungry, I cut open the loaf. First of all, it had collapsed on one side, secondly, it smelled and tasted like homemade play-dough! I pulled that box out of the recycling (remember, I’m not wasteful) and looked for a date on the box, the latest date I actually found was 1999, yeah, I think that’s bad… For those of you who, like me, don’t think the 90’s are all that far away, the box is 9 years old!) So, I threw out the bread, sorry starving world, I just couldn’t eat it!)

So Gideon and I enjoyed a lunch of blueberry yogurt, with wheat germ of course. :)

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Just this morning is when I actually found out what a blog is. I called Katie asking how to get to a friend’s blog, and then confessed I didn’t even know what a blog actually was… odd thing; the internet. Anyway, an hour later and I’m writing my first official blog entry. By the looks of it, as a mom/housewife my blog should be filled with important things, like Biblical female topics, silly stories about the kids, and homemade whole wheat bread. :) I think I can do that. Although, I regret to say, when I make bread, it’s in the bread Machine… and today; I used a bread machine mix! That’s not even the worst of it, it’s… country white! I know, but in my defense it was given to me, and I couldn’t just throw it out, I’m just not wasteful like that. The joke around here is if I’m eating something unhealthy or trying to get Joy to eat something unhealthy, I say “I’ll throw some wheat germ on it!” as if wheat germ is the grain equivalent to Jesus blood, and whatever it touches is suddenly redeemed. Needless to say we’ll be having white bread and wheat germ, grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch. :)