. . . a lawyer walks into a bar

No profession takes itself as seriously as the law. Nevertheless, we asked Chicago attorneys to share their favorite lawyer jokes. Many were not very funny. Some were unprintable. Others didn't make sense to us. Here's what's left:

No profession takes itself as seriously as the law. Nevertheless, we asked Chicago attorneys to share their favorite lawyer jokes. Many were not very funny. Some were unprintable. Others didn't make sense to us. Here's what's left:

Two guys, George and Harry, set out on a cross-country hot air balloon trip. After 37 hours in the air, George says, "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are." Harry lets some hot air out of the balloon, and it descends below the clouds. George says: "I still can't tell where we are. Let's ask that guy on the ground." So Harry yells down to the man, "Hey, pardon me, but could you tell us where we are?" The man on the ground yells back, "You're in a balloon 100 feet up in the air." George turns to Harry and says, "That man is a lawyer." "How can you tell?" asks Harry. George answers, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate and totally useless."Jamie Sprayregen,Kirkland & Ellis LLP

Did you hear about the research scientist who switched from using laboratory rats to using lawyers? Because there are more lawyers and you don't get as fond of them.Bill Boies,McDermott Will & Emery LLP

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A pipe burst in a lawyer's house, so he calls in a plumber. The plumber arrives, unpacks his tools, fixes the pipe and hands the lawyer a bill for $650. "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a lawyer!" exclaims the lawyer. "Neither did I when I was a lawyer," says the plumber.Dan L. Boho,Hinshaw & Culbertson LLP

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? There are skid marks in front of the dog.Mark Andrews, Pugh Jones Johnson & Quandt P.C.