This is a continuation of my review of the uncut, full-length Darkwing Duck pilot episode found on the VHS tape. For the character guide, please see part one. But first a quick recap: our "hero" Darkwing has (somehow) discovered that the henchmen of arch-criminal Taurus Bulba have gotten ahold of a dangerous weapon called the Ram Rod and Bulba plans to do, um, something really mean with it. We're not even sure what the Ram Rod even does yet. The only person who knows the code to arm it however is Gosalyn, the granddaughter of the Ram Rod's deceased inventor Professor Waddlemeyer (who Bulba's overzealous goons accidentally killed).

Which means, of course, that Bulba's henchmen want to get their hands on her. However Darkwing has managed to rescue the kid and is keeping her safe at his hideout, the tower of the Audubon Bay Bridge. Following this failure, Bulba, who was in prison, escaped with the help of his assistant Clovis and a convenient gigantic flying battleship shaped like a bull's head that he had (somehow) stored beneath the prison, and intends to take matters into his own hands. Meanwhile, Darkwing's only fan, an accident-prone pilot named Launchpad, is trying to persuade the up-and-coming superhero to let him be his sidekick.

The first thing one notices about Part 2 of this story is how much better the animation is... and how this may not necessarily be a good thing. The animation for Part 2 was done by Walt Disney Australia and, while certainly rough-looking and poor, had an extreme amount of detail in the characters' faces, clothes, etc. Part 2 has been done by Walt Disney Japan, and while it's smoother and less clunky-looking than the Australians' animation, it's been drastically simplified. The characters don't look as detailed anymore. It's a real double-edged sword, and severely hampers Disney's effort to edit the two parts together into one "movie," because midway through the art style suddenly and drastically changes.

We come back into the story at dusk, where we find Darkwing monologuing as usual: "A desperate criminal is at large, and terror runs through the streets like a pair of cheap stockings!" "But it's hopeless! No one gets the drop on Darkwing Du-," he begins, but is cut off with a cry of, "Gosalyn Waddlemeyer!" as the little sprat leaps onto him from above and wearing his fedora, knocking him to the floor. She tells him he's got to work on his narration, citing that they write better stuff on Saturday morning cartoons. Feh.

Darkwing jumps up, grabbing Gosalyn by her feet and holding her upside-down, narrating further that, "In a lightening move, Darkwing Duck turns the tables on the tiny terror!" She has the edge though; she starts tickling him. Finally, he releases her and collapses with laughter. She walks over him, literally (with accompanying squeaky horn sound effects), and ventures into the kitchen. Uh-oh. Spotting the egg timer on the kitchen table, she mistakes it for a clock radio. "Let's hear some tunes!" she says, turning it on. "What are you doing?" shrieks Darkwing as he rushes in. "Turning on the clock radio?" she innocently replies.

Out comes the drawer, flinging its knives and forks towards them. Darkwing grabs Gosalyn and pulls her out of the way, and he's then hit in the mouth with an airborne plate. "Keen gear!" gushes Gosalyn. Ugh, she did it again!. "This is some kind of training course, huh?" "You might say that," he says as he rushes to catch Froot Loops fired by that cereal machine gun. Gosalyn asks if she can try, but Darkwing tells it's too dangerous. Regardless, she gets a frying pan and uses it to catch the eggs, then nimbly avoids the fire pit in the floor and uses it to cook said eggs, wisely using an oven mitt so she won't burn her hand (which, I forgot to mention, Darkwing did earlier).

She then performs stunts no normal child could possibly do, leaping up and buttering toast in midair, then catching the oranges on the butter knife as she lands in the chair at the table. "That was amazing," Darkwing comments, checking the timer. "Uh, it's nowhere near MY level, of course, but that's still pretty impressive." Noticing an empty glass on the table, Gosalyn says, "Darn, forgot the milk!" Cue the fridge, which lands right on Darkwing. Splat. Still holding the glass, she opens the fridge door and out falls Darkwing, once more squished into an accordion shape and holding the pitcher of milk. "Allow me," he groans, feebly pouring the milk into her glass.

Gosalyn helps Darkwing extract himself from the fridge, advising him that he should be more careful. "Sounds reasonable," he admits. She then slams a motorcycle helmet onto his head, backwards, and drags him out of the kitchen by his cape. "I found this stashed in the closet. How come you don't wear it when you ride your back?" After finally managing to pull the helmet off, Darkwing says, "Because, uh, it doesn't look dramatic." "Neither do scrambled brains," replies Gosalyn, citing he should also have seatbelts on the Ratcatcher. "Look, kiddo, I appreciate the concern, but I knew this job was dangerous when I took it," he tells her.

The topic then abruptly changes to Darkwing's mask. Specifically, Gosalyn wants to know why he wears one. Suddenly pulling his cape across the lower half of his face, a la Dracula, Darkwing intones in a spooky voice, "Because there is nothing so terrifying to the criminal mind as the unknown! I am the thing that goes bump in the night! I am the neurosis that requires a $500 an-hour shrink!"

"You mean you don't take off your mask for anyone?" Darkwing responds in the affirmative. "What about a really, really close friend?" Gosalyn asks. That makes him pause for a moment before finally replying. "Uh, well, maybe someday." Gosalyn shrugs at the camera and says it's "a start." Oh, no. He's known her for less than 24 hours and already he's bonding with the horrid little monster....

Later, it's bedtime for Gosalyn. Darkwing lets her use his bed. Him not having a place to sleep won't be a problem, because "I'm a night person, remember? And with Taurus Bulba at large again, I'll have to be extra vigilant!" Gosalyn finally asks just what it is that Bulba could possibly want with her. "Well, Bulba stole your grandfather's invention and he thinks you know the code that operates it," Darkwing informs her.

Again, how does he come by this information? I mean, that's the only logical reason that Bulba would have for trying to have her kidnapped, but still, how can Darkwing know this for sure? Mysteriously, even though he knows what the Ram Rod is called (despite the fact it's supposed to be Top Secret), he hasn't got the foggiest idea just what it is, and asks Gosalyn to explain its purpose to him (and the audience!). "It's a trachio-specific device that disrupts gravitational bonds on a molecular level and allows manipulation on a macro scale," she breathlessly reports. "What does that mean?" Darkwing asks after a lengthy pause. "I dunno," she admits. "I think it makes things float n' stuff." Okay, so that basically means it's an anti-gravity beam cannon. I think.

Gosalyn takes out a photo of her and her grandfather standing in front of the Ram Rod in order to show him what the weapon looks like. It's the exact same photo that Taurus Bulba gave to Hammerhead, grape jelly stain and all. The problem is, Hammerhead took it away from her at the orphanage after she looked at it and stuffed it into his pocket. How did she get it? Is she a pickpocket??? She also points out her grandfather, and Darkwing remarks that it looked like they were close. Sad music plays as Gosalyn says, "We were. But he never told me any code!" Unfortunately, Bulba doesn't know that, and Darkwing tells her as much, and also points out the obvious fact that he'll be searching for her now that he's busted out of prison. "Although if they knew how much spirit you have, they'd probably run the other way," he adds.

"Spirit?" gasps Gosalyn, then gives Darkwing a big old hug and thanks him (for what?). Could it be that there's a paternal relationship developing? Let's hope not. After tucking Gosalyn in, Darkwing turns and begins to walk off. He's stopped when Gosalyn whines that she can't sleep. "You just need something to relax you," Darkwing says, and suggests a mallet. (If only...)

"Grandpa used to sing me a lullaby," Gosalyn says. "I don't do lullabies," the hero glumly informs her. Gosalyn's sad look makes him change his mind. "Why don't you teach me one of his so I can sing it back to you?" he suggests. Gosalyn remarks that this has the suspicious ring of reverse psychology to it. "But have it your way." And to the horror every good, decent, and sane person in the world, Gosalyn begins to sing. The song's lyrics are extremely simplistic, not to mention a little bit suspect:

"Not much on lyrics," Darkwing admits, but gives it a go anyway. And to the horror every good, decent, and sane person in the world, Darkwing begin to sing, too! And he makes up the lyrics as he goes along!

The last verse is repeated and by then Gosalyn is asleep, and, amazingly, so is Darkwing. I have to confess that I actually got a bit misty-eyed the first time I watched this scene. In theory, there could be a genuinely touching relationship developing between these two characters. Gosalyn is an orphaned little girl with evil men after her wanting something she doesn't even know she has, and there's nobody there for her except for Darkwing, a egotistical jackass who just might end up learning to care about someone besides himself as he keeps being forced to defending the child from the villains. The problem is the potentional emotional aspect of this is ruined by all of the failed attempts at comedy, the attempt to make Gosalyn "more independent," and, of course, the "hit the viewer over the head with Thor's hammer" obviousness of the message.

A loud snore from Gosalyn causes Darkwing to jolt awake (apparently some time later, as now night has fallen; during the lullaby scene it was still dusk outside the windows). "Oh, jeez. This kid could wake Elvis," he yawns (making the first of many tired, unfunny Elvis references that would pop up throughout the series). "Sure is sweet, though." He can't get the annoying tune out of his head and hums it as he picks up and looks at the photo of Gosalyn, Professor Waddlemeyer, and the Ram Rod.

And then he notices what any idiot probably already figured out before now. Getting a magnifying glass and looking at the photo through, he notices that on the Ram Rod's control console there's a row of color-coded buttons. "The lyrics match the controls of the Ram Rod!" he gasps. I have to admit, it was a clever move on the Professor's part to teach Gosalyn the code without actually teaching it to her, if you know what I mean. Pity the song had to be so terrible. "She's had the arming code all along and never even knew," Darkwing says, continuing his pointless expository dialogue. "And for her sake, it better stay that way," he says, putting the photo into the sleeping girl's hand. Suddenly, bright flashes of light begin to illuminate the clouds in the sky in periodic intervals. At first Darkwing thinks it's lightening, but then he notes that the pattern is "way too regular for lightning." That, and the light is also green.

Cut to the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom flying in the clouds above the city, which Taurus Bulba used to escape from prison at the end of Part 1. The flashes of light are coming from beacons on the tips of the "horns." Standing at the controls with his assistant Clovis, Bulba instructs her to keep the beacons flashing for another half-hour, then goes over to where his three henchmen Hammerhead, Hoof, and Mouth are standing. "It's simply a matter of knowing your adversary," he tells them. "Somewhere down there is this Darkwing Duck. I've watched him. I know his weakness. His posing, his flamboyance, the mask and cape!" As he talks, he parades around, comically imitating Darkwing's various heroic poses (This is my favorite part of the entire movie; it's a shame it's among the stuff missing on the DVD). "And that hat!" he adds. Hoof looks glumly at his own hat in response to this.

"It all indicates an ego the size of a small planet," Bulba concludes. Bulba explains that the beacons on the ship are flashing a message in Morse Code - "Taurus Bulba, the criminal genius, recognizing the error of his ways, is offering to surrender himself. But only to Darkwing Duck!" When he takes the bait, Bulba's pet condor Tantalus (not seen since midway through Part 1) will pinpoint his hideout for them, allowing Hammerhead, Hoof, and Mouth to go in and snatch Gosalyn. "But boss," whines Hammerhead as Bulba opens a window, allowing Tantalus to fly out, "what if he doesn't know Morse code?" "That do-gooder?" snickers Bulba. "He probably keeps a Boy Scout handbook under his pillow!" Hmm, if this is supposed to be taking place in the same universe as Duck Tales, shouldn't he mean a Junior Woodchuck's handbook?

Cut back to the Darkwing Duck residence, where the hero is carefully reaching under his pillow, trying not to disturb Gosalyn. "Sure glad I saved this baby," he says as he, sure enough, pulls out a Boy Scout handbook. Using the handbook, he's able to decipher what the Morse code is saying (and even though Bulba told Clovis to keep the flashes going for another half-hour, they stop as soon as Darkwing has finished deciphering the code).

"Yes!" Darkwing cheers. "It's headline city!" Gosalyn awakens at this point and walks over, yawning. "What's up? Win the lottery?" she asks. Darkwing apologizes for waking her up, and shows her the deciphered message as jotted down on a notepad. "It's obvious my reputation has spread to every sewer and gutter where criminals dwell. I don't even have to make a move! They come to me, groveling at my doorstep, pleading to be turned in! I sense a major motion picture, here!"

After studying the message for a moment, Gosalyn says, "But this doesn't make sense. He just escaped!" Darkwing replies that it's obvious Bulba has had a chance to speak with his thugs about him, and that he's scared stiff. "He knows he's outmatched! I have his men on the run!" Gosalyn laughs and says that from what she remembers, THEY were the ones doing the running. Darkwing takes this the wrong way. "Oh, you think it was all just luck, eh? Just a coincidence that you're here with me, instead of with him? That I'm just another clown in a costume? Who's going to take Darkwing Dip seriously!" This reduces Gosalyn to tears.

Yes! Mwahahahahaha! How I savor this moment!

"Nevermind," grumbles Darkwing as he heads for the door. "It doesn't matter. After Taurus Bulba's back in jail, you'll be back in the orphanage. Then we can both get back to our lives." Some hero. To his credit however, he actually wears that motorcycle helmet when he hops onto the Ratcatcher and speeds down the bridge cable. And in doing so (taking the helmet, I mean) he signifies that he is indeed starting to get used to Gosalyn and is taking her advise.

Nuts.

This movement is spotted by Tantalus, and his two-way TV monitor-on-a-collar relays the image of the bridge back to the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom. "The Audubon Bay Bridge? She's in the tower!" Bulba deduces, then turns to Hammerhead and tells him to "take the boys and grab her," while he goes to keep his appointment with Darkwing Duck...

Darkwing appears on the roof of Canard Tower, which is apparently the tallest building in the city. Bulba's message did not give a meeting place so how he knew to come here is a bit odd. "I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the jailer that throws away the key!" he declares, appearing in a puff of smoke per usual. He then realizes he's alone, and mutters that he hates it when he's early. "You'd think criminal masterminds would be more punctual," he gripes as he sits down on the edge of the roof. Suddenly the big bull himself appears behind him and apologizes for being late. Darkwing turns to find Bulba looming over him, and is suddenly struck speechless. It took me a while to even fathom why, but then upon the umpteenth viewing I got the impression that until this moment Darkwing had never seen Bulba and this no idea just how huge he is.

"I'm the terror that flaps in the night," he finally manages to declare, but quickly he begins to stammer fearfully, "I am the... s-surprise in your cereal box. I am... I am...." Bulba waves him off. "Yes, yes, I know. I heard. You're Darkwing Duck. Your ego is out of control, isn't it? I mean, seriously! Why would I surrender to you?" "Because I have your men on the run?" gulps Darkwing, earning a hearty laugh from Bulba. "Oh, please! I manipulated you like a puppet!" Darkwing is quick to recover though. "Yeah, well, I manipulated you into manipulating me! I have you right where I want you! Alone with me - Darkwiiiiiing Duck!"

Darkwing does some cheesy martial arts moves and then leaps at Bulba, who catches him and calmly squishes him into a little ball with no effort whatsoever. "Sorry, I don't have time to play," Bulba tells him. "But I did call some of your friends." At this point, a bunch of cops run out onto the roof. Spotting the two of them, they run over. Dropping Darkwing, Bulba says that the police have questions about "a certain train robbery," before he hops aboard a platform suspended below the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom and is lifted up to safety. "I'd love to stay, but I have a date on the bridge with a little girl." Realizing he means Gosalyn Darkwing prepares to fire a grappling line at the airship from his gun... ...and then he's pounced by the cops. "No!" cries Darkwing. "GOSALYYYYYYN!" Oh the drama!

Thus, we get the payoff to the really stupid "Darkwing is Framed" sub-plot introduced earlier. Regardless of the fact that Darkwing is supposedly wanted for stealing a Top Secret military weapon, you'd think the police would be more concerned with Bulba, a dangerous super-villain who not only escaped from prison, but did so by making off with the entire building by turning it into a gigantic airship.

Back at the Audubon Bay Bridge, Hammerhead, Hoof, and Mouth make the tedious climb up the bridge cables to get to the tower. "Why can't this nutcase live on the ground like normal people?" whines Hammerhead.

In the tower, Gosalyn is standing by the window, looking sadly out at the city. "I'm sorry, Grandpa," she says to, well, I guess his spirit in heaven, "I messed up again. I sure don't mean to make trouble. So much for spirit." Ow, she's breaking my heart. Thankfully, the sudden appearance of Bulba's gang puts a stop to this sentimental nonsense. Hammerhead advances on her after climbing in the window and tells her this time, she's coming with him. She kicks him in the knee, causing him to stumble back into Hoof and Mouth, who catch him. "Get her!" he orders them, and they drop him and run after Gosalyn. Gosalyn, always a quick thinker it seems, runs into the kitchen and activates the egg timer as Hoof and Mouth run in. Despite the fact that neither Darkwing nor Gosalyn bothered to re-set the traps after using them the last time, everything is in readiness to subject Bulba's henchmen to a grueling, third-rate Home Alone-ish hurtfest.

Hoof is pinned to the wall by flying silverware, and narrowly avoids being decapitated by a plate - He saves himself by pulling his head down into his shirt collar like a turtle. Hammerhead runs in and joins Mouth, and wonders aloud where Gosalyn went. He gets his answer as Gosalyn jumps out of a nearby cabinet, wearing a pot on her head like a helmet and armed with the cereal machine gun. "Eat fiber, horn-head!" she declares and opens fire on them. They dive for cover behind the kitchen table as they're pelted by cereal, but the gun runs out of its sugary ammo pretty quickly.

The goons emerge from hiding, joined by an inexplicably free Hoof, and move in on her. Then they're smacked in the face with oranges. Hammerhead gets a mouthful of them; Hoof has one in one eye; and Mouth gets one in each eye. Owie! Citrus sting! Then the floor slides out from under their feet and they realize they were standing over the fire pit. They leap screaming into the air as their feet and butts are burned, and finally land hard on the floor in front of the fridge, which, yes, springs up and lands on 'em. Splat. "Wait'll you see what we're having for lunch!" Gosalyn announces triumphantly.

Tantalus suddenly appears and swoops down, grabbing Gosalyn in his talons. He carries her over to where a smug Taurus Bulba stands. "Let go of me!" Gosalyn demands, "Darkwing Duck is gonna crunch you like a stale corn chip!" This leads to - you guessed it - more evil laughter from Bulba. "Your friend won't be coming," he gleefully informs her. "He was playing way out of his league. Now, your Darkwing Duck is just another jailbird!"

So Gosalyn has been captured by Taurus Bulba, and now Darkwing is in jail, having taken the fall for the theft of the Ram Rod.

We find him in his cell at the police station, lamenting his sad, sad fate. "Oh, Gosalyn, I should've listened to you," he moans. "That trap was so obvious! Oh! Me and my stupid headlines!" At least he's finally admitting the truth. Things begin to look worse for our hero when we see his cellmate: one of the crooks from the beginning of the story, specifically the fat, grungy biker pig. "All right! Payback time! You was only lucky the last time!" he tells Darkwing as he moves in to rearrange the hero's face. "I was lucky every time!" Darkwing suddenly blurts out. "I don't stand a chance against gorillas like you!" The biker stumbles back, surprised, as Darkwing tries to goad him into taking a swing at him in another little scene left out of the DVD release. "Come on, hit me! I'll show ya! I'll fold like a napkin!"

The goon lightly socks him. "Come on, you big wimp! Waste me! Ow! You call that a punch?" Finally the biker points an accusing finger at Darkwing and says, "You are weird!" "Now there's an understatement!" Darkwing says, jumping onto the guy and knocking him to the floor. "I could've had a life, but nooooo! I chose to be a clown in a mask and a costume! All I need are floppy shoes and a Bozo nose!" Sitting on the guy's chest, Darkwing moans that Gosalyn is gone and he hasn't got a friend in the world to turn to for help. Cue Launchpad, who we haven't seen since the end of Part 1, who crashes through the wall backwards and into the cell from outside, sitting on the Ratcatcher. "Oh, that's reverse. Heh, I thought it was park!" he says.

Darkwing, surprised, asks Launchpad what he's doing here. Launchpad explains that he followed Darkwing to Canard Tower (I assume he used his Junior Woodchu-- er, I mean Boy Scout handbook to decipher the Morse code as well), and adds that the Ratcatcher was left behind when the police took Darkwing away. He was coming to bail Darkwing out. "Guess there's, uh, no point to that now," he sheepishly says, pointing at the huge hole in the wall. He's now officially an accessory to jailbreak.

So now Darkwing can either be a good law-abiding citizens and sit in jail until his trial, while Taurus Bulba runs free and wreaks havoc, or he can break the law a teensy bit and escape to put a stop to the villain. Guess which one he picks. On the grounds that "heroes don't stop for paperwork," (in response to Launchpad's abandoned plan to bail him out), Darkwing hops into the sidecar portion of the Ratcatcher and allows Launchpad to spring him.

should add that they don't do anything to ensure that Darkwing's cellmate won't also escape, but I guess they're in a hurry and all...

Soon they're speeding down the street, and Darkwing reasons that by now Taurus Bulba must have Gosalyn held prisoner inside the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom. "We have to find a way of getting up to him," he adds. Thanks, Captain Obvious. Launchpad suddenly perks up and says he's got "just the thing!"

It's back to Launchpad's derelict hangar on the outskirts of town, where Launchpad unveils to Darkwing the Thunderquack! It's a jet that looks a duck's head, but not just any duck. "I love this!" exclaims Darkwing. "It even looks like me!" "I told you I was your biggest fan!" the pilot gushes, adding that he spent a year building it. Either Launchpad has nothing better to do, or... he has nothing better to do. A sad example of the ultimate superhero geek. Soon they're airborne. "We're gonna bring Bulba down like a ton of bricks," Darkwing enthuses, adding, "sidekick," much to Launchpad's joy. He's so happy he does some impressive aerial flips with the jet.

Back aboard the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom, Taurus Bulba explains to Clovis that the Ram Rod is so powerful they'll need to mount it to stabilize it. "Canard Tower should give us the best firing position," he tells her. In the meantime, he'll have his "little chat" with a tied-up Gosalyn and get the code from her. Before the interrogation can begin however, that damn alarm starts going off again. "We have a bogey on collision course with us," Clovis informs him. "What fool would dare?" he roars.

It's Darkwing and Launchpad in the Thunderquack, of course. After commenting that the design of the Thunderquack is ugly (I'm with you, buddy), Bulba orders the ship's battle rigs to open fire, and soon Launchpad is doing his best to evade midair explosions. Darkwing once again states the painfully obvious when he tells Launchpad they need to blow an entry hole in the airship. "I dunno, DW," says Launchpad, "it sounds dangerous!" "Yeah? Well, then... LET'S GET DANGEROUS!" Ah, the very first utterance of Darkwing's trademark line.

More dubious action follows. First Launchpad fires a missile that successfully blows a big hole in the hull of Bulba's ship, and then somehow or another Darkwing, on the Ratcatcher no less, manages to fly from the Thunderquack and through the hole and finds himself inside the core of the ship. I'm only describing what I see, folks....

Once inside, Darkwing is immediately confronted by Hammerhead, who vows, "I'll flatten this guy like a two-penny nail!" before charging at him headfirst, complete with speeding choo-choo train sounds. Darkwing casually steps aside and trips him, sending him flying into a metal pole that naturally bends on impact. Hoof and Mouth appear and attempt to sneak up behind him, but he holds them back with the awesome power of his gas gun and demands to know, "All right, you muscleheads, where's Gosalyn?"

Taurus Bulba appears on a balcony above them. "Really, Darkwing. All you had to do was ask," he sneers, and dangles the still tied-up Gosalyn over the edge for Darkwing to see. With Darkwing thus distracted, the goons (including Hammerhead; boy, Bulba's henchmen sure do recover quickly) get the drop on him and he suddenly finds himself with a lot of gun barrels pointed at him. He drops his weapon and surrenders, nevermind that, if Bulba's men fired, they'd kill themselves as well as Darkwing, since they're all standing in a circle around him.

On the roof of Canard Tower sometime later, the Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom is hovering above and the Ram Rod has been set up on the rooftop. Everyone is present except for Launchpad and Clovis (the latter of whom is still inside the airship, which hovers ominously overhead the entire time; Launchpad's precise whereabouts at the moment remain unknown), and there's a brief but surprisingly tender moment in which Gosalyn apologizes for letting herself be captured: "If they hadn't caught me, you wouldn't have risked your life." Darkwing says that before he met her, he "didn't have a life worth risking," and she gives him a big hug. Bulba, standing nearby with Tantalus perched on his shoulder, apparently doesn't think it's cute, but notes their connection: "So, you two are close. How touching. How.... fortunate."

He laments that he'll never get the code from Gosalyn because she has "too much spirit," but he's willing to take the chance that she might have told the code to Darkwing. Tantalus suddenly jumps from his shoulder, seizes Gosalyn, and flies her high into the air, threatening to drop her. If Darkwing doesn't give Bulba the code, Gosalyn goes splat. "She never told me any code," growls Darkwing. "Hmm, that's a real possibility," admits Bulba, "but I've always considered myself a gambling man!" He then motions for Tantalus to drop Gosalyn, which he does. "No! I'll tell!" Darkwing yells. Smirking, Bulba motions for the condor to swoop down and snatch Gosalyn out of the air. Tantalus complies, grabbing Gosalyn at the last second before she smacks into the pavement. Close to puking, she comments, "And to think I used to buy tickets for rides like that!"

Bulba warns Darkwing, "No tricks, or she'll make a very ugly stain on the street!" (Is it just me, or is Bulba getting all the great lines?) Going to the Ramrod's control console, Darkwing grudgingly enters the code - yellow, blue, red, blue, purple, blue, purple, green, and yellow. The Ram Rod hums to life, glowing and stuff. Darkwing demands that he bring Gosalyn down, but Bulba refuses to do so until he's tested the Ram Rod's abilities. Hooray! Now we're finally going to get to see the Ram Rod in action! Bulba aims it at a building he identifies as "the federal gold depository" and fires. A sparkling, psychedelic beam shoots out and hits the building, lifting it up into the sky. In midair, the building cracks in half and Bulba manipulates the beam to float all the gold from inside the building up into the open hold of his ship floating above. Over a loudspeaker, Clovis announces that the gold has been secured. Wow, that was fast.

"I'll strip St. Canard clean, then hit every city in the country!" Bulba cackles triumphantly. Okay, so he's got this deadly anti-gravity beam gun that can pick up entire buildings, and the most he can think of to do with it is commit robberies? Admittedly, this is a practical thing to do with it, but I don't want practical, I want spectacular! What about his thinly-veiled vow to kill as his enemies ("Such petty annoyances will disappear, once I use the Ram Rod!")? They're really making Bulba look like a total chump here by turning him into little more than a glorified bank robber. Thankfully, Bulba partially redeems himself as a villain here in a second.

Darkwing says that now that Bulba has the code and the Ram Rod is up and running, then Bulba is done with Gosalyn. "Oh, quite," is the villain's reply. He then smirks at Tantalus, who drops Gosalyn again, this time with no intention of catching her before she hits the street. "You butcher!" snarls Darkwing, kicking Bulba in the stomach. Taken by surprise, the bull goes down and Darkwing hammers him over the head, knocking him to the floor. Darkwing then runs over to the edge of the roof and looks down, only to have Launchpad rise up into view in the Thunderquack, Gosalyn sitting on the "beak," perfectly unharmed.

Hey wait a minute!!!! Where the hell has Launchpad been?! He could've launched a missile and destroyed the Ram Rod or lifted Darkwing and Gosalyn to safety, or done bothminutes ago! And if he was just flying around he could've rescued Gosalyn the first time she got dropped!!! AAAAARGH!!!

Up until now the whole thing has been somewhat inept, but passable, but now it's starting to become disgustingly obvious that by this point, the writers want to get this over with and wrap up the plot as quickly as possible, so they're not even trying anymore. Similar to Launchpad, Bulba's henchmen also disappeared for a rather lengthy space of time (they're established as being on the roof earlier, but come and go without rhyme or reason between shots). Only now do they reappear, as Hammerhead helps Bulba to his feet. "Where is he?" growls Bulba, meaning Darkwing. Hammerhead insists, "He was right here a second ago!" And so were you, numbnuts.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night," intones the disembodied voice as a cloud of smoke appears on the other side of the roof, "I am the chill that runs up your spine!" Bulba and his men look over, and Hammerhead fires his revolver into the smoke. It dissipates and he and Bulba run over, only to find no sign whatsoever of Darkwing. Suddenly the fowl appears on top of the Ram Rod and he finishes with, "I am Darkwing Duck!", finally getting to complete his famous entrance line uninterrupted. Bulba and Hammerhead spin around and the latter raises his gun to fire, but Bulba restrains him, yelling that he might hit the Ram Rod. Before either one of them can do anything, Darkwing turns and scrutinizes the control panel. "Now let me see," he muses, "how does this work?" He begins randomly punching buttons on the control panel, and the weapon starts shaking and bulging ominously as it randomy fires its sparkly anti-gravity beams in all directions.

Hoof and Mouth, standing uselessly nearby, duck, with Mouth wailing, "What's happening? Do you know what's happening?" After Bulba has helpfully yelled, "It's overloading!" They're struck by a beam and begin floating up into the air. Hammerhead, running over, yells for them to grab onto something. In response, they glower angrily and grab him, pulling him up into the air with them. "Not me, you lunkheads!" he cries. The three of them then proceed to float off into the distance, never to be seen again (well, almost; Hammerhead had a cameo in at least one more episode later on).

Still flapping around in the general vicinity, Tantalus manages to avoid a similar fate by dodging the Ram Rod's beams, but unfortunately for him Gosalyn, now in the cockpit with Launchpad, has decided to take a little revenge on the evil condor. Launchpad pursues the terrified condor, and the "beak" of the plane opens up and bites Tantalus' tail feathers off. He squaks and then covers his bare behind, turns and grins sheepishly at the "camera," then proceeds to drop out of sight. The coup de grace of the Ram Rod's little temper tantrum comes when it randomly tilts back and fires straight upwards, hitting Bulba's airship as it floats above the skyscraper. The Giant Flying Bull's Head of Doom veers out of control, spilling it's cargo of gold to rain down upon the streets, then splashes down into the nearby bay and explodes for, um, some reason. Clovis, who has bailed out before the crash, parachutes to safety. "Hmm, mom was right," she dryly notes, "I should've been a dental hygenist."

Back on the roof, the Ram Rod is shaking and bulging so much now it looks like it's mere seconds from blowing up. Darkwing notes that this is where the hero ought to make his dramatic exit, but before he can do so, he's grabbed by the front of his suit by Bulba, who lifts him up to eye level and snarls, "I underestimated you once, Darkwing Duck! This time, you simply die!" No sooner has he said this then suddenly the Ram Rod hits critical mass (or whatever the hell was going on with it) and explodes. The fireball consumes the entire top portion of the building in a scene similar to the ending of Ghostbusters, and, watching from nearby in the Thunderquack, Gosalyn and Launchpad are horrified. "No!" cries Gosalyn. The smoke slowly clears, to reveal that the explosion took out the entire rooftop. "He couldn't be..."

I would've honestly been able to forgive all of the other problems with this thing if only Bulba had gotten a satisfying final showdown with Darkwing instead of going out like a punk. At least he got a cool final line, and was defiant to the end.

Cut to some time later. Gosalyn is back at the orphanage. Apparently some time has passed, because we can see Canad Tower being repaired in the distance. Mrs. Cavanaugh, the orphanage director seen in the previous episode, is standing in the room with her and tells her, "I know you've been through a lot, but couldn't you show a prospective parent a little more spirit?" It would appear as if, finally, someone is interested in adopting her. But Gosalyn doesn't seem to care all that much. She goes and flops down on her bed, angrily crossing her arms. "Now there's a word I'm sick of," she says. Yeah, that's right kiddo. Get all depressed over the death of an egotistical jerk who you knew for, at most, 24 hours. Shrugging, Mrs. Cavanaugh leaves the room and can be heard speaking to a fellow named Mr. Mallard, apologizing to him and saying that Gosalyn doesn't feel like talking. Gosalyn suddenly perks up when she hears this Mr. Mallard speak. "Frankly, it appears as if you've seen better days, yourself," Mrs. Cavanaugh says to Mr. Mallard as Gosalyn peeks out of her room.

Mr. Mallard is propped on a crutch with two broken legs, one broken arm, and bandaged up like a mummy. He tells Mrs. Cavanaugh it's a "kitchen accident." "I have trouble making breakfast," he says, looking right at Gosalyn. "I-- I always forget the milk." Just as Mrs. Cavanaugh is about to suggest that Mr. Mallard come back tomorrow, Gosalyn charges over and tackles him, knocking him to the floor. "Ow! Watch the ribs, kid!" She gives him a (almost literally) bone-crushing hug, and says she thought he was dead. "Ha! Nobody can stop Darkwing Du-- er, Drake Mallard!" So, Drake is going to adopt Gosalyn, and asks Mrs. Cavanaugh if it's all right if he takes Gosalyn with him to go house-hunting. "But how do you manage to drive in that condition?" she asks. "Oh, uh, I have help," he replies.

Cue Launchpad, who plows through the wall in a red station wagon... ...backwards. He's still getting the hang of the "reverse thing." Gosalyn giggles and Drake looks mortified at the prospect of having to pay a substantial amount of money to Mrs. Cavanaugh (who doesn't seem that concerned that her office wall was just annihilated), and the catchy Darkwing Duck theme kicks in. The title comes up, and Darkwing leaps in front of it and poses heroically as we fade to the end credits.

Now, I'm sure you're wondering, if Darkwing/Drake survived that explosion, then surely Taurus Bulba did, too. Too bad it took the writers freaking forever to bother trying to develop another episode based on this idea. And no, nothing ever does come of the revelation in Part 1 that Bulba had Gosalyn's grandfather killed...