A funeral is held and their body is cremated. Loved ones take possession of their ashes and do with them as they see fit.

That’s usually how it works, but not always.

In crypts and cemetery plots around Calgary lie the mortal remains of hundreds of people. Not unlike the remains of the thousands of other people buried there, except they never meant for this to be their final resting place.

Yet their ashes sit; boxed, numbered and stored as efficiently as possible. Ready for any next of kin who cares to claim them.

Some have been there for nearly 20 years.

Funeral homes and crematoriums in the city have introduced strict policies around holding and storing ashes to avoid the problem of the remains being left behind by families who don’t want them.

Storage became such a headache at the centre, it now has a 90-day holding period. If ashes aren’t claimed in that time, they get mailed to the next of kin.

“Since we’ve instituted the policy it hasn’t been a problem,” Watson said.

Other funeral homes have similar strategies, forewarning loved ones of storage limitations or contacting them every year if ashes are unclaimed.

That works for present clients, but not ashes that predate such a policy. Watson estimated South Calgary Funeral Centre was holding about 30 sets of ashes, dating back to the mid-1990s.

The Alberta Funeral Services Regulatory Board requires funeral homes in the province to hold ashes for five years. After that, they are allowed to “dispose of the cremated remains in such a manner as not to be offensive or to create a nuisance,” but many don’t.

“We think it would be undignified,” said Ray Reitsema, assistant manager at Foster’s Garden Chapel and Crematorium.

“We went over to Queen’s Park (cemetery) and we purchased a full crypt and we have about 70 urns in there. It’s all recorded, the cemetery has all the information. If the people ever contact us then we can let them know where their loved one is.”

Foster’s now informs families it will only hold cremated remains for 60 days. No ashes have gone unclaimed since the policy was implemented, Reitsema said.

“In the past, we were not quite so diligent and we had quite a number of urns that we had to find a home for.”

For now, then, the capacity at the Queen’s Park crypt is not being tested. Occasionally, it is even unburdened a little.

“I had a lady come and want her child’s cremated remains from many years before, and it was a very healing process for her,” Reitsema said.

“She finally decided it was time.”

Many families, though, never decide it is time. Those who don’t claim a loved one’s ashes don’t do so out of neglect, Reitsema believes, but perhaps a reluctance to confront the finality of a death.

“As a society, death still is not something we deal with very well,” he said.

“We have a tendency (toward) out of sight, out of mind. If we can just take care of this quickly maybe we don’t have to deal with it.”

There are any number of reasons. The executor of a will may only be following its terms in having a body cremated and not want the responsibility of claiming the ashes. Or they may have died themselves. People remarry, move house or move on. Sometimes they are stricken with grief. An urn on the mantelpiece is not for everybody.

Whatever the reason, out of sight is never completely out of mind.

“Death comes in all shapes and sizes, and you can’t sidestep grief,” Reitsema said.

“You do have to at some point, because if you push it down it’s going to squirt out somewhere.”

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