my kind's your kind

Resolutions 2012: F*ck It, I Choose Reality

Ok, sure, let’s talk about all the shit you THINK you might stop in 2012, or start in 2012, or that you would like to accomplish, whatever. We can talk about it. It’s not going to make it real or make those temptations stop riding in on the backs of beautiful imaginary talking Clydesdales. “Why, hellloo there, my child!” (note: Clydesdales have voices like God.) “Looky here what I brought you! It’s a big bowl of cherry pie filling sitting on a pedestal made entirely out of cartons of cigarettes and completely full wine bottles, surrounded by a bed of PIZZA AND FRENCH FRIES!!! ENJOY!” Fucking talking Clydesdales. So destructive.

So yeah, I’ve made a list. Let’s go ahead and get it rollin’ just for fun:

Lose 10 pounds.

Make backyard look as if non-homeless people live in it.

Keep trying to become a better derby player.

Quit being an asshole every morning upon waking.

Get Organized! Just because The Container Store says I should.

Join Costco.

Consider replacing fence.

Buy an oven that doesn’t catch on fire.

(Here is where “drink less!” would go)

(Here is where “try to quit smoking!” would go)

I’d say that’s a fairly ambitious list, even without 9 and 10. I think losing the 10 pounds is manageable, but I lose hope and momentum down around 4. That’s not really much of a start then, is it. Or is it? It is technically still morning. So I could just be continuing the Asshole Tradition.