A Dude, A Dog and A Dame return

CNN

Last week started with the President of the United States covering up the murder of ajournalist andU.S. resident by a Middle East money lender who is Crown Prince Jared Kushner’s BFF, progressedthrougha nationwide bomb scare that threatened the lives of two past Presidents, among other high-profileTrump critics,and ended with mass murder in a place of worship in Mr. Rogers upscale Pittsburgh neighborhood.

The worried world watches and waits, wondering if Trump’s heavily armed deplorables will easily surrender their moment in the spotlight or if the Dear Leaderand his plethora of bootlickers will inspire bloody insurrection from the mentally unhinged fringe element if the election doesn’t go their way. .

The self-proclaimed “greatest country in the world” is a boiling cauldron of hatred ready to bubble overinto post-election violence that couldengulf the countryand impact the entire globe.

Few objective observers expect anything less from this malignant narcissist? But what about the supporting castofsanctimonious sycophants, religious wingnuts and faux patriots who masqueradetheir cowardicein the folds of the flag.

Presumably unencumbered by mental illness,regularCNN Trump enablers like Rick Santorum, Steve Cortes, Alice Stewart and Scott Jennings, among many others, twist themselves into human pretzels denying the obvious unfitness of theirchoice for the highest office in the land. They cluck about entertainer Trump versus presidential Trump, separating the toxicity of his venom andevilclown antics emanating from the Oval Office as if he were a toddler going through the terrible twos.

They justify their advocacy by citing supposed successes, most notably the seating of two ultra conservative judges to the Supreme Court.The plain politically incorrect truth is that a monkey could put his finger on the list provided by the Federalist Society and get his picks through a Senate top-loaded with tree-swingers.

The much-vaunted tax reduction for the rich, the only significant legislation passed by a Congress and Executive Branch dominated by Republicans, is so unpopular GOP candidates aren’t talking about it in the run up to the midterms, instead preferring to vilify a caravan of poor people a thousand miles and weeks of walking away from America.

Family values stalwart and Republican operativeStewart, a crucifix prominent on her throat most nights, admitsto being dismayedby the pussy grabbing tape, porn star and Playboy bunny payoffs, philandering andsexual assault accusationsbut rationalizes voting for Trump because he appointed Supreme Court judges who might overturn a woman’s right to control her own body.

Failed Presidential candidate Santorum, ever focused on futureopportunities, smiles slyly to himself while mildly disavowingthe most egregious Trumpbehavior, careful not to alienate the deplorable base key to his political ambition.

Jennings, the ‘aw shucks’ moderate,assuages his conscience and puts on a good guy face for his kids bydisagreeing withthe most offensive Trump methodology while supporting the man endangering the democracy they will inherit.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell and House Leader Paul Ryan and their respective gangs of mouth-breathers, climate change deniers,religious ravers and NRA lap dogs have chosen to be on the wrong side of history for political expediency, implications for the future of the country be damned.

Evangelical scions like Jerry Falwell Jr. and Franklin Graham, intent on their mission to preserve the power and riches bestowed upon them by their earthlyfathers, will presumably answer fortheir self-serving actions when they meet their Maker. Meanwhile, their followers will have some explaining to do at the Final Judgement for eschewing the biblical values they exalt in favour of an agenda carried out by a demented orange emissary of the dark underworld.

The Murdoch family and the right wing mercenaries at Fox News betray the viewers who support their privileged lifestyle by spewing venomous conspiracy theories and pumping out fake news 24/7 while Dear Leader demeans real journalists.

Oblivious to the havoc he reeks, Donald Trump stumps the country spewing poisonous rancor against all who oppose him, ingraining his invectives in the sick minds of violent fringe players like accused bomber CesarSayoc,seen chanting CNN sucks at Trump’s frightening mob rallies, and Robert Bowers, who adopted Trumpian tropes by calling immigrants “invaders” and lamenting that Jews are “infesting” America before carrying out his murderous rampage.

Historians may recognize the Dear Leader’s mentalillnessas a mitigating factor for the damage he has done. Not so for the ‘sane’people he relies upon for support.

AllTrump enablersare culpable in the carnage endangering their democracy.All of them have blood on their hands.

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Does anyone else find it odd, or even mildly deviant, that a Putin-loving pussy-grabber is running for President behind the blocking of a fearsome female foursome, any one of whom could bust his geezer balls without breaking enough of a sweat to muss their make-up.

To call these ladies pit bulls would be an insulting cliché and, by definition, characterize them as bitches, which is offensive, politically incorrect and would not be in keeping with the woman-sensitive winds blowing through America in the aftermath of their champion’s foul-mouthed utterances.

It suffices to say this formidable photogenic foursome—Ann Coulter, Scottie Nell Hughes, Kaleigh McEnany and Katrina Pierson–comprise a ferocious phalanx of educated, attractive women who are as tough as tractor tires.

How tough are they?

If Ferret-top pulled his signature under-the-skirt grab with one of these women, he would no longer be cast as a groping octopus but would instead emerge better-suited for the role of Captain Hook or the one-armed man in a remake of The Fugitive. In comparison, the Fearsome Foursome make Mr. T in his prime look like Pee Wee Herman.

First up is Ann Coulter, the right wing author and political commentator who, on the far side of 50, strides through book promotion tours in knee-high black boots and a matching micro mini, looking more like The Donald’s aging dominatrix than his political mentor. A sampling of her literary oeuvre includes Slander: Liberal Lies About the American Right; Treason: Liberal Treachery from The Cold War to the War on Terrorism; If Democrats had any Brains They’d be Republicans and Adios America: The Left’s Plan to Turn Our Republic into an American Hellhole.

A dog-eared copy of the latter title is said to sit on the Bloviating Trumpet Blasters bedside table for easy reference, no doubt beside an autographed copy of Coulter’s latest offering In Trump We Trust.

How tough is she? The Cornell-educated lawyer is so tough Ferret-top defers to her for insult advice.

The angelic face of the Donald’s most recognizable TV defender, Kayleigh McEnany, belies an iron will that refuses to break, bend, or even wilt a little while defending the Old Orange Groper against all-comers. Night after night, through a soiled laundry list of allegations including tax fraud, bigotry, a bromance with Putin, and a university fraud scam, with accusations of sexual assault piling atop one another, she stands by her man in the face of his daily campaign foibles, staring implacably at the camera with her crucifix prominently displayed to ward off left wing devils.

McEnany has impressive credentials. A Harvard Law School graduate, she holds a BSFS in International Politics from the Georgetown University School of Foreign Service. She studied politics and international relations at Oxford University. She recently told CNN’s millions of worldwide viewers, which presumably includes old classmates and professors from Harvard and Oxford, without the slightest flinch, that Donald Trump has turned his life over to the Lord.

How tough is she? Tougher than getting an unsecured bank loan to start a porcupine petting zoo.

Like McEnany, the androgynously named Scottie Nell Hughes, who bills herself on her website as a journalist and patriot, is willing to wade through a sea of salt water alligators in defense of the Old Orange Octopus’ right to swim the wrong way on women’s issues. She faces down every perceived threat with a barely concealed sneer before effortlessly pivoting to the right on all questions about her man’s suitability for America’s top job.

She advertises her ‘woman of faith’ status with a crucifix and recently engaged in an on-air shouting match over fellow Republican Anna Navarro’s right to use the word pussy in front of her daughter, who was watching at home. Chastising a Republican strategist for repeating her candidate’s taped pussygate utterances takes real balls.

She graduated Magna Cum Laude from the University of Tennessee at Martin with a degree in broadcast communications/political science and in 2013 was named one of the Top Twenty Hottest Conservative Women in the New Media by Right Wing News.

How tough is Scottie Nell Hughes? Tougher than the rusted steel track on a rock pit bulldozer.

Katrina Pierson, the raven-haired Munster mom look-alike, is arguably the most fearsome of this ferocious foursome. She has a black-eyed laser stare that is said to chill alcoholic drinks and turn mud puddles to ice from 50 yards. So fierce is her demeanor she could win a cage fight with Mike Tyson through visual intimidation.

Born into poverty to a 15-year-old mother and black father, she graduated from the University of Texas at Dallas with a bachelor of biology. A Texan who ‘found her people’ while attending her first Tea Party meeting, she shoots indiscriminately from ruby red lips. She also tweets with the fervour of her boss and has refused to apologize for a 2013 online exchange that included: “This corrupt country has a head Negro in charge.”

She showed up for a CNN interview with a necklace of bullets to support the NRA and has threatened to wear a fetus necklace to shame godless liberals. When asked about Ferret-top’s primary campaign proposal to ban Muslims she replied, succinctly, “So what, they’re Muslims.”

How tough is Katrina Pierson? So tough they named a hurricane after her

Serial groping allegations aside, one thing is certain even to the Old Orange Octopus’ worst critics, he respects these gals.

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With fruit like the Old Orange Groper hanging so low and Hypocrite Hillary dodging daily WikiLeaks revelations, it’s easy for a critic of the 2016 election to overlook a major player in the sordid dark comedy that has made America the laughing stock of the world.

The reality show’s producer tends to fade to black behind a cast of villains and victims, heroes and heroines, good guys gone bad and bad guys pretending to be good, all of them working with a script too salacious for the kids to watch.

But let’s put CNN’s name in the credits and give just due to the 24-hour news network that is the go-to source of information when calamity strikes anywhere in the world. The first all-news-all-the-time station has come a long way since being founded by Ted Turner in 1980 to raised eyebrows from the established players in the TV world. If its election coverage is a benchmark of journalistic excellence, the CNN Turner envisioned has a long way to go.

The first thing that becomes apparent to an all-day watcher is that unlike conventional networks it only has one prime-time show that stretches from early afternoon when the target audience geezers are digesting lunch to nine o’clock when they’ve finished their cocoa and are heading for bed.

The producers break the monotony of eight hours of airtime by cleverly camouflaging the show’s length with different hosts that change throughout the broadcast day, leaving viewers to discover that the content and main players are the same whenever you tune in.

Things start out with Honest Jake Tapper of The Lead playing footage of the Bloviating Trumpet Blaster’s day-old gaffs, interspersed with snippets about Hypocrite Hillary’s ongoing e-mail issues, followed by analysis from a rotating cast of blowhards and sycophants, each of them seemingly chosen for a particularly annoying personality trait.

Honest Jake sets the stage for the pretentiously named Situation Room presided over by Wolf Blitzer, who disguises the similarity of content by titillating viewers with promises of more Breaking News before every commercial break, which means previously aired footage of Ferret-top’s follies and Hillary’s alleged lies.

Titillating Wolf had this political junkie hanging through the commercials for the first couple of days, waiting with tic-tac-baited breath for the next plot turn. But even an old fool can only be fooled so many times before figuring out that the white-bearded CNN sour puss is actually the Wolf who cried wolf.

Out Front’s Perky Erin Burnett makes a nice change in the late afternoon time slot, bringing a fresh female perspective to the same old footage, Ferret-top getting off the Billy Bush bus or bloviating in front of a crowd of trailer park boys and girls, interspersed with Hypocrite Hillary suppressing her joy at the Mango Misogynist’s latest blunder.

Perky Erin is not so much out front as she is in the middle of Titillating Wolf and Earnest Anderson Cooper’s 360. Although fabulously rich and a CNN star closing on 50, Earnest Anderson musters the enthusiasm of a cub reporter while airing the same old footage and moderating fights with the blowhards and sycophants.

He anchors the favored supper hour time slot, catching the geezers as they finish up dinner at five and reeling in the after work crowd with more unfulfilled promises of Breaking News, which turns out to be the same material that’s been airing continuously since Honest Jake recycled it from the day before on The Lead.

Earnest Anderson is the network’s golden man-child, and as such gets the plum assignments, like anchoring the second debate and traipsing over to Trump Towers when summoned by Melania’s handlers, who finally deemed her sufficiently prepped for a prime time response to her husband’s sexist tape. CNN hyped its upcoming exclusive all day with tantalizing teasers that left hyped-up viewers of the Melania infomercial feeling tricked.

Despite his intimate familiarity with the world of the rich and infamous as the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, Earnest Anderson’s scoop came off like a Barbara Walters audience with the Queen. With Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway lurking within striking distance just out of camera range, viewers watched him lob softball questions in reverential tones at the former model sitting motionless on a garish gilt-edged chair. The Columbia School of Journalism won’t be showing this turkey in its broadcast journalism class.

To be fair, Earnest Anderson occasionally introduces a few new twists to the show, adding a new blowhard or two and supplementing the daytime sycophants with the prime time heavies audiences love to hate. He even interviews an actual non-expert person now and then.

By the time Earnest Anderson gives way to Dapper Don Lemon on CNN Tonight, the daily newspapers and other working online journalists have broken new stories for the network to crib. Dapper Dan intersperses the old footage of Ferret-top’s foot-in-mouth pronouncements and Hypocrite Hillary’s e-mail obfuscations, with interviews with working journalists from other organizations explaining how they got the latest dirt. He finishes up by refereeing fights between the expert windjammers and sycophant heavies before giving way to a 360 rerun, a signal to viewers the CNN ‘breaking news’ day has come full circle.

It’s understandable that CNN’s resources might be stretched a smite thin, what with having to edit a two-minute clip of Haiti’s hurricane devastation along with freelanced montages of genocide in Aleppo and the impending fall of Mosul to fill in the odd programming gap. And don’t forget the network’s doctor-on-call, Sanjay Gupta, at the hospital pacing with the parents of twins joined at the head.

Still, you’d think the network could work up a new election graphic to replace the one that portrays Hypocrite Hillary as the beatific Flying Nun and Ferret-top as the snarling red-faced devil.

Everyone expects Fox News to be biased but come on CNN, you’re better than that.