Included on this page is stuff that was sent to us from people like you. We have collected
stuff that we thought was especially funny and true about us, Samoans, so that we can all laugh
together about what makes us special and different from other people in this world.

Samoan humor, at its best, is like no other kind of humor. It is unique, truthful,
and can really make your stomach hurt from laughing so hard. At its worst, of which examples
abound on the other Samoan sites, it is nothing more than petty attempts at trying to get
attention. But hey, you won't find that here because this is a family site and only
good-natured "stuff" will be posted.

Enjoy the humor and visit us again. We would like to thank Sina Solomona for sending the
first of these interesting bits of Samoan humor.

If you would like to contribute a funny joke or story or any other humorous bit of information, please click
HERE.

From: K Smith

Date: Sat, Mar 4 2000 2:20:54 PM -0800 (PST)

You are Samoan if:

your dad can tell you to clear the dishes by
slapping the table and
waving his hand

your dad watches TV lying on the floor even when
there are plenty of
chairs

your dad changes the TV channel with a pink eraser
tied to the end of
a
ruler

your parents think a Ritz cracker box and foil make
a TV antenna

your dad leaves a note in the shower saying don’t
move the showerhead
because it’s adjusted to the correct height (his and
it hits your
stomach)
and then he signs it with his full name, like no one
knows who would do
such
a thing?

your dad makes you scrub the toilet bowl with your
hand and a rag
because
the American brush can’t do the job right

your dad thinks a hamburger is really 2 pieces of
white bread with
all
kinds of leftovers in between. You like?

there is no lock on the bathroom door and all kinds
of people keep
coming
in and you pretend you’re just relaxing

when your parents sing and play ukulele songs on the
toilet

when your dad thinks the pamu (enema) cures
everything even a
headache

when you hang toilet bowl deodorant from your car
mirror for air
freshener

when you hang cemetery flowers on your dashboard for
decoration

when you hang shell necklaces around photos on walls

when you mix spaghetti with rice

your grandma’s bedroom is full of old cocacola
bottles and coconut
oil she
uses to fo’afo’a you

when your grandma looks like a peaceful sweet old
lady on Sunday but
she is
really twisting your ear and pinching your auaga and
every other day
she
watches wrestling on TV and yells "fusu fusu loa"
while boxing the air

your grandma air dries her underwear on bushes and
sidewalks in front
of
your house

your parents make you drink tree bark when you are
sick and put axle
grease
on a gaping wound (you don’t need no stinkin doctor)

your grandma tells you any problems you might get
happen because of
your
wickedness like you get mugged and robbed because you
must have sinned
sometime

you smile at white people then talk bad about their
anatomy behind
their
backs

you make your own birthday cake and still get a sasa
on your birthday

you and all your bros and sis get a sasa just cos
your dad is mad and
he
says its good anyway because you probably did lots of
bad things he
doesn’t
know about

haircut days are good for a lot of head slapping and
crooked hair

your head looks like a duck’s muli when your dad is
done cutting your
hair

you have to sit outside in your underwear while your
dad yells, slaps
and
cuts your hair and keeps tapping the scissors on the
comb just before
he
slaps you with it

your dad buys you housedresses to wear to your first
job as a J.C.
Penney’s
salesgirl

your dad says you look like a gorilla when your hair
is dry (because
it is
bushy) but it looks just like his because that’s where
it came from

your parents forbid you to look at boys and you must
always put your
hair
in a pangi but you cannot ever cut it or wear it down

your parents expect you to dance some sexy hula with
your eyes closed
so
you still can’t look at boys

when your legs are bigger, stronger and faster than
an NFL lineman

when you’re a woman and you weigh more than an NFL
lineman but you
look
smaller

when you help yourself to your neighbors donuts

when your dad can hit your head sitting 6 feet away
during the prayer
at
church

when your dad chains the fridge closed to keep your
500 pound brother
on a
diet and your brother never loses weight because he
knows how to slip
the
chain off and on

when your white friends come to your house and
wonder why your dad is
wearing a sheet?

when every shoe at the front door is as big as a
boat

when the chairs are covered with plastic

whenever you walk past a dog you have an
uncontrollable urge to kick
the
dog for no reason (just genetic)

when the dog cringes and goes "ow ow ow" before you
even get near it

when you see a Samoan man beating up 4 rednecks and
they all crawl
away and
the next day the Samoan says he’s sorry he kicked the
guys so hard cos
his
foot hurts

when you go to McDonald’s drivethru in a towel and
still jump out of
your
truck to fight cos someone called you a meauli

when your mom buys ballgowns to wear to church

even your dog has that superior, get your muli out
of here look

when a dog bites your leg and the doctor is
stitching it up, the
doctor
feels sorry for the dog not you.
love you all

Ia fanks a lot K Smith...MALO!

Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT

From: vaa-t@ezysurf.co.nz

SAMOAN HUMOUR (in New Zeland?)

WHAT DO YOU CALL A DEER WITH NO EYES?
ANSWER:.....NO EYE DEER....(NO IDEA)

Ia fank you Vaa!!!

Date: Tue, 03 March 2000 16:20PM EDT

From: C. S. Leschhorn

Differences between a normal Samoan and an FOB:

-normal Samoans may sometimes use ie lavalavas as curtains, FOBS may use window curtains as ie
lavalavas!

-normal Samoans are known for hearty appetites, while an FOB can clean out a
refrigerator...including the ice cubes and that little bulb that goes on and off ("chuss fill like a light
shnack!")

Actual names given to Samoans by their parents (These taken from the Internet, mostly the
Polynesiancafe, where some people have started complaining about some of the names. There are no
Hamos were I live!)

-Maile' (Dog)

-Telefoni (phone)

-Mata (Eye)

-Meaola (Animal)

-Kerisimasi (Christmas)

-Isumu (Rat)

-Sosomo (That stuff you may have on your eyes when you wake up???)

-Fa'afetai (Thanks)

-Laufa'i (Banana Loaf)

-Moli (Orange)

-Fala (Pineapple or Mat)

-Paugutu ("promiscous one" you know what I mean)

-Seattle

-Amelika (America)

-Washington

-Army

-Navy

-Lole (Candy)

-Osovale (Out Of Line)

-Ese (Move)

-Pua'a (Pig)

-Aifai (Banana eater)

-Fiapoto (Smart aleck)

-Va'alele (Airplane)

-Pan Am (yes, I'm talking about that airline here)

Ia fank you LESCHHORN!!!

Date: Thu, 19 Aug 99 07:47AM EDT

From: puligipopo@hotmail.com

A Samoan Man Goes to the Mall

One day a Samoan man drove his 15 passenger family van to the local shopping
mall. He drove his van into a parking spot when he was approached by the
parking attendant saying "Excuse me sir you can't park your car there. This
space is for compact cars only." And the Samoan man replied, "Yeah I know,
I go and I com pack."

Siaki Goes to the Luau

One day Siaki was invited to a Hawaiian Luau. The host asked him, "So howz
everyting Siaki, you having good time?"

"Oh yes I like all you can eat kine' party," he replies.

"How you like da' maha'i maha'i?", the host asked.

"Oh, I like that kin' chicken, so good." Siaki replied as he continues
devouring his food.

Although confused by Siaki last comment the host continues to ask, "Howz the
kahlua pig?"

*You see food on the ground, look around to make sure nobody's watching, then quickly pick it up and shove it in your mouth

*You get change for a dollar and put 'em in your pocket (fa'a kagikagi) so people think you have money

*You wear nice dress shoes to church w/o socks (faiga a le 'au po'a)

*You won the lottery last week and filed for bankruptcy today

Ia ua lava ga ke'i oke mai le koeaiga!!!

Ia fank you MP from Denver

Sat, 24 Apr 1999 02:01:48 EDT

From: Faifaieasy

You know you're Samoan:

When your boyfriend comes to ask your mom if he can take you to the movies,
and your mom says, "su'e mai o'u se'evae".

when you ask, "How are you? and they answer, "I'm 20 years old.

when you see some keine or fafige at the supermarket with leggings or pants
with a puletasi top from you church kogiga.

when you see a man with a checkaboard suit and flower pants at church, with
whitewall shoes.

when you go to someone's house for a faalavelave, and you leave with someone
else' shoes.

when your mom says at 25,you're are too young for a boyfriend. (sounds like
taupou sa time to me).

when five brothers fight over who took who's underwear in the morning, when
actually they all wear the one 3 pack of underwears that mom bought last
month.

ia fanks tele lava, Faifaieasy.

Wed, 07 Apr 99 10:08AM EDT

From: Cat Fa'agutu

You know they are samoans when:

There is an accident and they are the only ones laughing

You ask them for the time, and they say "free firty" (3:30)

They see a FBI warning sign at the beginning of a video tape and they say...Se shammit!, I seen dish one already!

You open the car and roaches come running out

They go to Footlocker and look at the display and see only one shoe, then leaving in dismay thinking they didn't
have the other pair.

You see them hanging out at any airport all day...and night

They wear a puletasi to go church, school, jogging, to the store.....oh and the infamous one....clubbing

The mother has a better throwing arm than the father

You can see the toes screaming to breathe cause the shoes too tight...but they still say "it fits!!"..hahaha

Ia Fanks....Caffy

From: KynJin in California

Sat, 27 Mar 99 16:24PM EST

You know they're Samoan when:

You see the whole clan at the beach with fishing poles and a pot-full of boiled green bananas.

You see a beat-up station wagon full of uncombed hair, unclothed kids, and four adults with Hawai'ian print shirts at a super market parking lot.

You encounter a pretty Polynesian girl and ask her something in Samoan and she asnwers you in backward English with a mamafa lava Samoan ac'cent.......fob

Everyone wears a white straw hat and white dress on Sundays.

You see a lot of head slapping and pinching during the sermon.

You invite 2 people and the whole family with grandma and grandpa show up.

You see two over-grown kids bullying a palagi kid to show-off their braveness
because a girl is watching....e tafefe....

Someone claims being Hawai'ian or Afakasi when it's plain as the mole on your
nose that they're as black as a meauli and doesn't speak a word of English or
Hawai'ian except 'u no da kind'.....auoi....

You lived next door to your neighbors for 10 years, and the only time they
leave the house is on the first and the fifth of the month....1st is welfare
check...5th is food stamps......

The shopper in front of you has 4 cart-full of pisupo, spaghetti, pilikaki,
cabbage, 5 gallon oil, 25 lb. bag of rice, soy sauce, and two more carts with
kids in it.

Everyone seems to wear the same cologne....fried fish or pilikaki....whooooosh

You see that the shopper buys nothing but 'Springfields'

You see the young girls at the convenient store wearing a church dress,
pantyhose and slippers...

You visit your friends house and the only thing in the refrigerator is plain
paper bologna and half block of cheese.

You find a loaf of hard Samoan bread on the couch...

You are invited by your neighbors to dinner and they serve you a bowl of
white sweet watery gravy with raw bubble dough.......they call it 'kopai'

You ask for a dust-pan and they hand you a magazine or a newspaper.

You find a 6 year old kid still in diapers playing in front of the house.

You encounter grandma at the store wearing one white and one red sock with
samoan flip flops.....

You're in a diner and the people at the next table are scooping up their food
with their fingers....good eating...hehe

Someone that looks like they just got off the boat wearing neon bright green
pants and bright orange shirt.

You see big glob of vaseline on a kid's hair.....

After you sing at a funeral, they serve you hard crackers and a loaf of
Samoan bread with butter and jelly spread.....

Enjoy at your own peril.....Ia fank you veli mutch.....haha....KynJin in
Calif.

Ia fank you, KynJin...malo lava!

From: Samoakurl,

Thurs., 18 Mar 1999 11:59:05 EST

YOU KNOW YOU'RE SAMOAN WHEN:

Your parents think that all your Black friends are drug dealers.

Being whipped with the belt is considered discipline not child abuse.

No matter where you go in the United States, you got a "cousin" there.

At any major function, your food comes in a box that used to hold a 24-pack
of sodas instead of a plate.

At an "all you can eat" restaurant, the owners lock their doors when they see your family coming.

When your friends come over they wonder why your dad is wearing a skirt (ie lavalava).

Everytime you do your grocery shopping, you buy eight cans of corned beef, 12
cans of spam, and a 20 lb. bag of calrose rice.

Hahaha! Hahaha!!! Manaia tele lava, ia fank you Samoakurl

Tue, 16 Mar 99 19:12PM EST

From: KynJin in California

You can tell a Samoan family lives there when:

You see 'ie 'afus with lots of hibiscus flowers hanging half on and half off
the windows.

You see their laundry hanging in front of the house, and on rails, instead of
at the back of the house. Especially when the laundry contains of 5 'ie
lavalavas and 3 mu'umu'us, 2 pule tasi, and a bermuda shorts with hole in it.

You visited the neighborhood for the first time and the first things you smell
is a falai pilikaki with lots of onions and black pepper.

You knock on the door at your friend's house and you hear a woman yelling, "e,
le faikoko'a!!".....and then you hear little kids race to open the door.

You drive by a house and you see kids running and playing in front of the
house with no clothes on....(still going native)

You see that they beat any other nationality by amount of lapisi and uncut
grass on the front yard.

You see women doing 'da ting' you know, va'iliga ukus on their
porch....yyyuuck...but typical.

You see someone chasing a kid around the house with the se'evae......brings
back memories, haha....

You can bribe your mom with $20 for her bingo.....(for reals, ha ha ha)

You see a woman beating up 2 men on the street. (of a different nationality,
of course...everyone knows that one blow from a Samoan man would give you an
instant face lift!!)...hehehe

Q: Why don't you ever hear a case of a Samoan girl being raped??

A: Because, while the rapist is contemplating his adventure, he's also
sniffing the neighborhood for the house that doesn't smell like fried
fish, and the garbage can that isn't full of green banana peels.

You can spot a mountain of shoes blocking the front door.

You see everyone wearing ie lavalava, no shoes and a broken down van in the
drive way.

You see an old lady beating the heck out of a 'fala moe' . (sleeping mat to
you,ha ha)

You find a life-time supply of saimigi (top ramin) in the cupboards.

You find out your last name is the same as everyone else's.

Enjoy at your own risk...hahaha..Ia fank you veli mutch....KynJin

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