I spent the last couple of weeks escaping the NY heat in beautiful Los Angeles. During my time there, I decided to do a little online dating myself, since I keep blogging about it. I mean, I spend a lot of time evaluating people’s profiles, drafting messages, and hearing success/horror stories from girlfriends. But, it has been since 2003 that I actually did online dating myself. Some good ol’ ethnographic research was overdue!

Let me just say this: I think online dating is great for practice and for having a little casual fun. However, I advise everyone to view it as a “layover” to a real relationship. Here are some pros and cons:

PROS:
– It’s efficient so you don’t have to waste time at bars and clubs sorting through the “bad lemons.”
– It’s great practice (some of my clients go on 5 dates/week just to hone in their skills).
– All the cool kids are doing it. There’s no longer a stigma attached to online dating. It seems that everyone is on some site these days.
– It can be fun. Going “shopping” for a potential mate while buying toilet paper online is fucking awesome. That shit never happens offline.

CONS:
– It breeds “serial daters.” Online dating is addictive and once people start going on multiple dates, they get addicted to that idea.
– It makes you think there’s always something better. “What if I haven’t gone through all 600 matches and the best woman for me is the 589th match? I cant settle for match #56.”
– It makes you more insecure. Women are bombarded with emails and most guys don’t get the response they want. You guys have a better chance talking to a pretty girl in person (at a bar) than getting a response from her online.
– It doesn’t make people want to settle down. Online dating is like high school. The Freshman class is always changing so there’s always “fresh meat.”
– It takes the mystery out of organic dating. Before you meet someone in person, you already know so much about them that you’ve already formed your own opinion and judgment.
– It makes you overlook people you should be dating. The most important thing in a profile is the picture. Online daters tend to message the ones that are most attractive, not necessarily the ones that are in their league. In an offline situation, a man is able to evaluate whether a woman is approachable or not. He is also able to see his competition of men who are also talking to her. But in an online situation, it creates a fake atmosphere where people think everyone is on an even playing field. This is why a lot of men do not get the response they want!
– The curse of the buffet. Too many options doesn’t necessarily mean its a good thing. Many people get overwhelmed and confused by their abundance of choices. Eventually, the profiles start blending together and it’s hard to decipher who you really want to pursue.

So with that said, I want to introduce you to some winners I met (GUYS, IT’S REALLY NOT THAT HARD TO STAND OUT. YOUR COMPETITION SUCKS ASS):

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