Hilarious Loser Named White Sox Manager

Q: How do you replace Ozzie Guillen as the manager of the Chicago White Sox?

A: With Terry Francona, Davey Martinez, Sandy Alomar, Tom Nieto (cough) or any number of proven managerial commodities available for the 2012 season.

Or, if you’d prefer, the actual answer: with a former player who has never coached and doesn’t really want to. Robin Ventura, the two-time All-Star and six-time Gold Glove winner most famous for that time in ’93 when he charged the mound on a 46-year old man and got headlocked and punched in the top of the head like a comical bitch, will be taking over as Sox skipper. Oh man, next year’s series against Texas is going to be awkward.

From The Beacon News, guys who live there and still can’t believe this is happening:

“I realize that he wasn’t on anyone’s list out there,’’ [General Manager Kenny] Williams said on a conference call Thursday. “We caught many of you by surprise.”

Considering Ventura has no experience as a manager, “many of you” is the understatement of the year. That lists includes Ventura himself, who said he didn’t set out to be a manager when the Sox hired him in June to be an assistant to [scouting director Buddy] Bell. When things unraveled to the end with Ozzie Guillen and his impending jump to Miami, Williams heightened his interest in Ventura — whose thoughts about being in the dugout never extended beyond a coaching or instructional situation.

I guess Williams and Ventura are interested in making sure every White Sox fan learns what it feels like to be emasculated by noogie. I’d like to say “we’ll have more on this as the story develops”, but I think this is it. Ah well, if Robin has a Twitter account and makes sure to compliment the Twins every few weeks it’ll be business as usual in Chicago. Depressing, depressing business as usual.