Anthony Peregrine is based in France and has reported from there for 20 years or more. He also visits as much of the rest of Europe as he can.

Why go?

It is easy to disdain Monaco. I used to do so, dismissing the principality as nothing but a high-rise ghetto for tax avoiders, zillionaire security obsessives, a comic-opera royal family and all the glamour that is Roger Moore. But such cynicism is silly. Of course, the place is a packed little bubble of extravagance, luxury and many policemen. But it’s also a show, an engrossing spectacle unique in Europe.

Naturally, you must suspend disbelief to appreciate it fully. The principality would, after all, fit more than 200 times into Rutland – yet it has three princesses, a prince and managed a full-blown royal wedding in the summer of 2011. The wedding may have had its dodgy moments of controversy, but it was something that no other small seaside town could have managed.

Monaco takes itself terribly seriously. With so many extraordinarily rich people to look after, it has no choice. In common with other ordinary mortals, I shall never be a Monegasque. But we can all have walk-on parts in the never-never-land production. And, at least once in our lives, we should.

Getting there

To make a proper impression, one should arrive in Monaco on a yacht the size of a soccer pitch. If you consider this a little showy, then a plane is the next best bet.

While not as impressive as swishing in by yacht, arriving by helicopter has more cachet than coming on the bus. Both Heli Air Monaco (00 377 92 05 00 50; heliairmonaco.com) and Azur Hélico (azurhelico.com) have the regular, seven-minute flight from around €130 one way. Youngsters from 2-12 years and the over-65s may qualify for cheaper fares. If you can afford €19 a minute, don’t hesitate, especially as there will be a free onward shuttle bus to your hotel.

For a taxi (00 33 493 13 78 78), expect to pay €69-€74, by day, €79-€90 between 7pm and 7am. Prices vary according to traffic conditions. A fourth person, and luggage, will add slightly to the bill.

If you prefer the train, take the No 99 shuttle bus from the airport to Nice-Ville station (€6), then jump on the TER service to Monaco. The rail trip takes 21 minutes and costs €3.80.

The fourth option is the bus. Take the 110 Express service from either Terminal 1 or Terminal 2 at the airport. It will get you to Monaco in around 45 minutes for €20 one way, €30 return. Prices for under-26 year olds are €15 and €28 respectively. Buy tickets at the Bureau-des-Bus in Terminal 1.Finally, if travelling alone, with little luggage, consider a motorcycle taxi. Riviera Express (00 33 6 13 22 91 68; riviera-express.net) will speed you by Goldwing to Monaco for around €75.

Cruises

Cruise liners generally tie up in the old Port Hercule – along the brand new quay, nearly quarter of a mile long, known as the Nouvelle Digue de Monaco. (The monster, built in Gibraltar and towed here, is semi-floating so as to conserve the marine environment.) There are no facilities on the pier itself, but you are only a hop, skip and a jump from the Monaco action. There are plenty of taxis to hand.

We can all have walk-on parts in the never-never-land production. And, at least once in our lives, we should.

AP

Getting around

Walking

Monaco is barely two miles long and a little over half a mile wide at its very broadest. (It is pipped to the title of World’s Smallest Nation only by the Vatican.) It is, therefore, not enormously challenging to walk – as long as you stay by the sea. Even a few yards inland, streets may start going up quite steeply. (You will recall that there are Alps tumbling into the sea here.)

Public transport

For a principality distinguished more by limousines than by any apparent need for public transport, Monaco’s bus system is impressive and cheap. There are five bus lines, on which one trip costs €1.50 if you buy your ticket from a vending machine, €2 on the bus itself. If you take a second trip within 30 minutes of validating your ticket, that comes free. (Just say “Correspondence” to the driver.)

Meanwhile, €5 gets you unlimited travelling for a day. Under-7s ride free all the time. The same tariffs and conditions apply to the “Bateau Bus” (shuttle ferry) across the port. For details, telephone 00 377 97 70 22 22 or see cam.mc. If travelling on the buses, don’t forget to validate your ticket in the on-board machine. And no eating or drinking aboard.

Street lifts

These are an excellent Monégasque wheeze to ease strolling. There are seven of them at key points, to haul you up steeper parts of the principality. In fact, there is also a little-known, unpublicised eighth to make climbing up to Monaco-Ville on the Rock a less tiring affair.

Go to the end of the Old Port, to the Quai des Pêcheurs car park. At the back, there’s a lift, followed by an escalator which will spit you out in front of the Oceanographic Museum. It saves a bit of a slog.

For a principality distinguished more by limousines than by any apparent need for public transport, Monaco’s bus system is impressive and cheap.

AP

Trains

The dinky little Azur Express tourist train may not seem very cool – but who cares? Setting out from the Oceanographic Museum, it gets you round many of Monaco’s highlights in half an hour and costs €8 (half-price for 2-8 year-olds). That’s cool enough for me.

Car hire

You’d have to be out of your mind to hire a car to see Monaco – and pretty daring to bring a car into the principality from outside. Apart, perhaps, from certain parts of North Korea, it’s the most heavily policed slice of God’s earth. Where there aren’t policemen, there are CCTVs – and they don’t let any traffic infringement go unremarked or unpunished. (Monaco is the only place I’ve had my car impounded – and not once but twice.)

So – please – drive with insane care, observe all regulations as if your wallet depended on it (as it does) and park only in the well-signposted car parks. For a map of these, see: monaco-parkings.mc/establishment.

Tourist bus

Don’t scorn it. The new-ish “Monaco – Le Grand Tour” service will whisk you round Monaco headline sites in an open-topped little bus. Non-stop, the tour takes an hour – but the idea is to hop off to visit a place of interest, and then hop on again to travel to another. Though Monaco is walkable, this is a boon for the old, young and/or tired. Tickets for one day are €18, for two days €21. One-day tickets for students and over-65s are €16. Tickets for children from 4-8 are €7 for one or two days. A combined ticket, bus tour plus entry to the Oceanographic Museum (see below), costs €25. Information on 00 377 97 70 26 36; monacolegrandtour.com or at the transport offices at 26bis Blvd Princesse Charlotte.

This is quite different from British practice, where saying a simple “Thank you” implies acceptance, as in “Yes, thank you”. So, if you want your wine glass filled or more bread, don’t say: “Merci”. Say “Oui, s’il vous plait.”

Round-the-clock snacking is far less common in Monaco than in the UK – as is eating or drinking in the street. You are unlikely to draw admiring glances if you’re walking along at 4pm with pizza in one hand, a can of beer in the other.