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Government statements, before and after a rewrite

WASHINGTON (AP) — Some before and after samples of the government's writing, many used in training employees to communicate more clearly:

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BEFORE

"The Dietary Guidelines for Americans recommends a half hour or more of moderate physical activity on most days, preferably every day. The activity can include brisk walking, calisthenics, home care, gardening, moderate sports exercise, and dancing."

AFTER:

"Do at least 30 minutes of exercise, like brisk walking, most days of the week."

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BEFORE:

"Most refractory coatings to date exhibit a lack of reliability when subject to the impingement of entrained particulate matter in the propellant stream under extended firing durations."

AFTER:

"The exhaust gas eventually damages the coating of most existing ceramics."

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BEFORE:

"Investigators at the contractor will review the facts in your case and decide the most appropriate course of action. The first step taken with most Medicare health care providers is to reeducate them about Medicare regulations and policies. If the practice continues, the contractor may conduct special audits of the providers' medical records. Often, the contractor recovers overpayments to health care providers this way. If there is sufficient evidence to show that the provider is consistently violating Medicare policies, the contractor will document the violations and ask the Office of the Inspector General to prosecute the case. This can lead to expulsion from the Medicare program, civil monetary penalties, and imprisonment."

AFTER:

"We will take two steps to look at this matter: We will find out if it was an error or fraud. We will let you know the result."

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BEFORE:

"When the process of freeing a vehicle that has been stuck results in ruts or holes, the operator will fill the rut or hole created by such activity before removing the vehicle from the immediate area."

AFTER:

"If you make a hole while freeing a stuck vehicle, you must fill the hole before you drive away."

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BEFORE:

"Consultation from respondents was obtained to determine the estimated burden."

AFTER:

"We consulted with respondents to determine the estimated burden."

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BEFORE:

"Disaster Unemployment Assistance provides financial assistance to individuals whose employment or self-employment has been lost or interrupted as a direct result of a major disaster declared by the President of the United States. Before an individual can be determined eligible for Disaster Unemployment Assistance, it must be established that the individual is not eligible for regular unemployment insurance benefits (under any state or federal law)."

AFTER:

"You can get financial help from Disaster Unemployment Assistance if your job was lost or interrupted as a direct result of a major disaster declared by the President of the United States. To be eligible, you must show that you are not eligible for regular unemployment insurance benefits (under any state or federal law)."

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BEFORE:

"Timely preparation, including structural and non-structural mitigation measures to avoid the impacts of severe winter weather, can avert heavy personal, business and government expenditures. Experts agree that the following measures can be effective in dealing with the challenges of severe winter weather."