Random

Hi guys! c}:
Well I'm in a bit of a blagh mood, and when I'm in a blagh mood I'm supposed to write something to not do anything stupid. [ Side note, I hate my psychiatrist and counsellors. Meh ]
So yeah, because I'm 'technically forbidden' to actually do anything 'stupid', I decided to write about my thoughts instead.
Ooh, I'm also sending this off to the people who published my other poem, so hopefully this will get published too.
[ whispers, because I obviously didn't get some inspiration off of a video x3 ]
Sweet walruses, I've rambled on so much 0__0 I apologise for that guys x3

I'm Sorry

I’m sitting at my desk
I know it’s time to go
I’ve said it to myself
Countless times before
But this time, I know this is it

Another argument at home
Like school wasn’t bad enough
‘Stupid’ ‘Heartless’ ‘Weird’ ‘Annoying’
What my only three friends consider
‘Harmless, truthful comments’

Closing my eyes, I pull at my hair
Taking the day’s events in
Then I go down the stairs, to the garage
Thinking of the things I could use
A knife, a rope, a bleach bottle, a pill too many

Finally, I settle
I carry a rope and video camera upstairs
In my room, I take my chair
Place it under the ceiling hook

No one’s home, it’s the perfect time
And if I don’t do it, I’ll hate myself more
No one knows and no one will know
Not until tomorrow, at least
When I’m to be woken up for school

I press play and stand on the chair
One end of the rope is attached to the hook
The other tied around my neck, one foot off the chair
I’m now in tears, and my hands are clammy

I stare at the blinking light on the video camera
And mumble a few words as my cheeks dampen
‘Mum, Dad, I’m sorry
I don’t know why
But I just can’t do this anymore
I love you all, so much’

I then say sorry to my best friend,
For not being there when she’ll need me most
For not being honest about how I felt about her
I say sorry to everyone that comes to mind
For being weak, a failure, a liar
For being unable to carry on, for causing them pain

I then stare once more back to the blinking light
Without speaking now, holding the remote
Mouthing my last words of apology, I end the recording
Inhaling slowly, I brace myself

Both feet are off the chair now
It’s on the floor, the remote laying on top
My room is filled with complete silence
I’m gone.