In my house the “But YOU did it!” discussion takes place on regular basis. With my oldest we’ve covered sex, tobacco, alcohol, and rock and roll. When my kids decide to have sex they’ll know what is OK and what isn’t. They know tobacco is not allowed. And my kids are absolutely forbidden to listen to anything sung by David Lee Roth.

Smoking provides the best example of what I’m trying to get at. My wife and I are both former smokers. We both quit and relapsed at least once. While none of our children have ever seen us smoke, we don’t deny that we did it. We shared our battles with addiction. Dishonesty carries a far greater risk.

Here’s what the major networks don’t always cover: academic studies. And here’s what the studies tell us: honesty works. One study shows that even parents who still smoke can help their kids avoid a lifelong deadly habit by just sharing information.

Parents who involve their children in unhealthy behavior, even in subtle ways, don’t stand as good a chance. With smoking, “involvement in the behavior” can be as simple as asking a child to go get a pack of cigarettes from a purse or the car, having the child strike a match to light an adult’s cigarette, or allowing (or giving) the child clothing or other items that feature a cigarette brand.

Why else would tobacco companies give away T-shirts and tents if it didn’t help influence behavior?

I once grabbed a T-shirt that was thrown into the crowd at a movie. It was like catching a foul ball at a baseball game. My daughter wanted the shirt for the simple and attractive design on the front. I didn’t give it to her because of the big beer logo printed on the back.

What we learn from these studies is simple: When we are honest and consistent with our children -- providing them with the information they need to understand what we want for them and why -- we stand a much better chance of having them do as we say, not as we do or did

As for my kids, they know the consequences for smoking -- they all know the health problems and the oldest knows what we’d do for punishment if we ever found out she lit up. We’re teaching my oldest to know the same for sex and alcohol and other drugs.