Take a chance on me

In 1998, my flatmate showed me an advert for Chance UK in The Guardian and suggested I give it a try. It asked for adults interested in volunteering as mentors, spending a couple of hours a week with a child who had behavioural problems. I had worked with children before and during university (as a classroom assistant and on a summer play scheme), then my career took over. By the end of 1998, I felt settled: new job, new flat, new relationship - so I started making enquires.

The Chance scheme intrigued me. I felt I had something to offer in a one-to-one relationship. I'm still uncomfortable with the term 'role model' but it is inevitable: Islington, Hackney and Harringey, the three London boroughs covered by the scheme, have large ethnic communities. As I went through the training process it became apparent that I was likely to be paired with a black child, adding another dimension to the experience. Having seen the depressing statistics and heard anecdotal evidence about the plight of black boys excluded from schools, this was an opportunity to make a small difference.

I am currently mentoring my second child, Richard. My first experience was challenging, rewarding, exhausting but definitely worthwhile. He had been diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) which meant, in his case, that in addition to being bright and personable, he was impulsive and short-tempered. We developed a good relationship and after a year's break I was ready to do it again. It was more stressful than work, but more fulfilling.

Richard was seven when we started in February; he lives with his mother and two brothers. He had been referred by his school because he was struggling, academically and socially. Although being a mentor puts you in a privileged position, interacting with a child in a relaxed environment, it was hard to reconcile the boy who had been described with the lively, confident person I know.

We have gone ice-skating, swimming, bowling, played football, read books together, visited the Science Museum and Richard has taught me how to limbo dance. Our relationship has grown easily and I'm confident we will be able to achieve much in the crucial second half of our year together.

Chance was founded in 1996 by an Islington policeman, Chief Superintendent Paul Mathias. He watched young children getting into crime - often inspired by older ones - and thought it would be valuable to replace negative influences with positive ones. After a pilot scheme financed by the Home Office reported that all the children showed improvement, it was greenlit. Chance is the only mentoring organisation in the country working with children between five and 11 aimed at behavioural, rather than academic, difficulties.

During the first three or four months, the emphasis is on having fun, getting to know each other and setting boundaries. Then, mentor, child, parent and Chance supervisor meet to set a range of realistic goals. In my experience, goals have included going to bed early, getting on better with siblings and practising football skills. Underpinning the process are solution-focused techniques.

'The approach focuses on capabilities rather than problems. Rather than ask a child why they are in this position, we suggest how things can be better in the future. A lot can be achieved by making the child understand they have responsibility for their actions and choices. The process doesn't stop at the end of the relationship; hopefully the long-term effects continue throughout their life,' says Gracia McGrath, chief executive of Chance UK.

After the year is completed, the children go to a graduation ceremony where they are presented with a certificate. After the last one, McGrath got a letter from a mother whose son was constantly in trouble at school. 'She used to dread telling teachers her name because everybody knew her son for all the wrong reasons. Recently she was at the school and they were saying, "Oh, your son is the boy that has changed so dramatically."'

Mentors are often faced with children who have low self-esteem. One girl, who said she wanted to be a pole dancer when she grew up, decided later that she wanted to follow her mentor's career path. She had thought it through, reasoning that she'd have to go to university which meant working hard and not being excluded.

Usually, a session lasts a couple of hours, either in the home or outside doing activities. It doesn't matter what you do as long as it works; the aim is to build trust and friendship. Some of most productive sessions I've done were walking round Regent's Park, feeding the birds and chatting.

According to Yvonne Millar, a clinical child psychologist on the Chance advisory board, mentoring is 'highly respected' within her profession because it works with children at the right time. 'The literature suggests that within children who go on to be aggressive or antisocial, the tendencies are often crystallised by about the age of eight.'

But what qualities does a mentor need?

'I think you need a lot of patience. But you need to be more than just a friendly, warm person. You have to be confident using the solution-focused work, set clear limits and take advantage of the support network at Chance. It's easy to feel a bit lost with a very difficult child,' says Millar.

Matching child and mentor is vital. Although parents might specify a male mentor (80 per cent of the children on the scheme are boys), children are generally unconcerned about gender or race. Guidelines are geared to what the child needs: if a child needs to get out and play more, a happy-go-lucky mentor is required; if a child is football-crazy, it helps if they have heard of David Beckham.

Unfortunately, there is a shortage of male volunteers. Only 10 out of the current 100 mentors are male. 'During our training sessions, men ask, "Is it OK for me to do this?" I think they often feel it isn't natural for them to get involved,' says McGrath.

I don't think gender has informed my relationship with Richard, but it plays a part. 'One of the best things is being able to talk about guys' things,' he says. I'm not sure what he means but it's a nice compliment. It's one of those moments that makes me glad to be a mentor.

Says McGrath: 'It's amazing what mentors do get out of it. Most of them are in their 20s and 30s and haven't had children themselves, so it brings out a sense of responsibility. Whenever someone talks about the selfish society we live in, I think, "You should come and have a look at our mentors."'

Chance encounters

Rachel Haynes, 25, is an administration assistant
who lives in south London. Hassan Abdou, 10,
lives in north London. He was referred to Chance
for misbehaving and because he had been
excluded from school. They finished seeing each
other in July

Rachel: I was thinking about doing teacher training
when I saw the Chance advert and thought it would be
relevant. I also wanted to do something productive
outside work.

I was relieved when I met Hassan: during training you
are given the worst-case scenarios, but his problems
didn't seem too intimidating. He is really lovely, but
when I read his school report I was quite shocked. Our
goals were to improve his ability to follow instructions,
improve his reading and writing and obey a 9pm
curfew.

Earlier this year he started talking about personal stuff
in detail; it had obviously taken him a long time to trust
me. We both got upset, but it was really nice that he
felt he could tell me these things. I told him to ignore
people who goaded him and about a month later he
said, 'I did really well in school today. I could have
been told off, but ignored everybody and the teacher
said I was very good. I did it because I remembered
what you told me.' I thought, 'Oh my God, he really
listened to me.' It's one of the things that I am most
proud of.

Hassan: We did quite a few things that I hadn't done
before like going to Thorpe Park, London Museum and
the Natural History Museum. I also liked going to
Alexandra Palace. I took my skakeboard there and
Rachel and Virginia [the photographer] were really
impressed by the way I went up and down the ramp. I
also learnt to swim at the deep end of the pool. It was
the first time I swam a whole length and the last time
we went I swam six lengths which I never thought I'd be
able to do.

Before I met Rachel, I didn't mind who I was paired
with. It didn't bother me if they were a man or a
woman. We got on well. I only got told off once in the
whole year - we were playing tennis and the ball went
over the fence and I wanted to climb over it rather than
walk round, but she wouldn't let me.

I used to get into a lot of trouble in school, but much
less now. It helped me quite a lot, more than I thought
it would. Now, when I get in trouble at school I own up
instead of saying that I didn't do it.

Did I teach Rachel anything? It's up to her to decide.
But I did try and teach her the times tables because
she could never do those. I'm really happy she came. If
she hadn't, I probably would have been excluded from
school by now.

Niki Anastasi, 28, is a children's television
producer who lives in north London. Sabrina
Parker, 11, lives in north London. She has
learning difficulties and was referred to Chance
because she didn't interact well with her peers
and got into trouble. They finished seeing each
other in August

Niki: I had a lot of time on my hands and wanted to do
something more productive. I work with children, so I'm
comfortable around them.

My initial reaction was relief that she didn't come from
an abusive home so I wouldn't get too emotionally
involved from the start. She was quiet at first. We fed
the ducks in the park and she threw the bread so hard
that she hurt them. But we quickly developed a
rapport. A few weeks later, we were in my car and I
switched on the radio and we started singing pop
songs together. That was a turning point.

We worked on trying to adjust her behaviour in public,
make her less touchy-feely and cutting down on the
baby noises she makes. I also taught her to tell the
time, we'd play games to test her, giving her treats if
she got things right. After six or seven months her
behaviour really improved - even her schoolteachers
and parents commented on it.

It's finished now, but we will keep in touch. I think the
ending was probably more upsetting for me than for
her.

Sabrina: I enjoyed most of things we did together, but
what I liked most was making cakes, swimming and
bowling. I also met some new friends at the park.

We used to bake cakes at home in my kitchen and I'd
give the family about two and eat the rest! We used to
make small ones so I could decorate them and I liked
doing that more than actually baking them.

She also got me reading. I didn't like going to the
library at first, so we started reading pop-music
magazines instead; but now I like going to the library. I
also learnt how to sing my favourite songs because
Niki found the lyrics and printed them out. When we
went out she spent a lot of time having fun, but then we
would spend a bit of time playing guessing games,
doing work and learning to tell the time.

I like Niki because she took me to places that I wanted
to go and we did things I had never done before. We
went swimming and I swam underwater for the first
time. But I think the best things that I've learnt are
telling the time and baking cakes.

Subreena Charlemagne-Odle, 23, is a tutor and
nursery-school assistant who lives in north
London. Charlotte Andrew, 10, lives in north
London. She was referred to Chance because she
had behavioural problems and had been
suspended from school. They have been seeing each
other for six months.

Subreena: I enjoy working with children and wanted to
give something back to the community. I've done a
degree in psychology and eventually want to become a
clinical psychologist.

Apart from improving Charlotte's reading and writing,
we've worked on her behavioural problems. She didn't
want to do anything that dealt directly with her, so I'd
use an example to illustrate my point. Once, she was
talking about a character in EastEnders, calling her
names that I thought were inappropriate, so I asked,
'Do you think there is a reason she might be behaving
like that?'

She responds well to my ideas. She used to get shy
around strangers, but now she is much more relaxed.
When I pick her up from school she runs across the
playground and gives me a hug.

I'm enjoying it now we are through the difficult patches.
My supervisor thinks I'm too self-critical. When I get to
the end and look back I might think I did well and
Charlotte benefited, but at the moment I'm just getting
on with it.

Charlotte: I was quite nervous before we first met. I
thought she looked a bit too young to be working for
Chance. The first time she came round we played
snakes and ladders and then she gave me a
scrapbook to keep a record of some of things we did
together. I thought she was nice from the start.

I like Subreena because she hardly ever gets angry
and she's always got nice hair and wears nice shoes
and clothes. So far I've enjoyed going to the cinema
and swimming. We also went to an adventure
playground.

When other children at school ask me who she is I just
say she is my cousin or something. I told one of my
friends that she is my mentor and she asked me if it
was fun, and I said yes.

When we set our goals my mum said she wanted me
to brush my hair every day and that is going quite well.
I have to spend about 15 minutes doing it each
morning. If I achieve my goals we're going to go to the
circus. I think I've done a lots of interesting things, but
the most important thing is that I've learnt to read and
write better.