School Play - (If this doesn't make you laugh, there is absolutely no hope for you!)

Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play. The first little boy was to say, "My fair maiden.... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope." The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark! - a pistol shot!"

Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown-ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loudly as soon as the curtain goes up.

The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin.

The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words..... "My fair maiden.... I have come to kiss your snatch! And fill your hole with soap."

The second boy screams out....."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, this is bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway..."

A lion, his wife, and a fox were sitting together. The fox was making fun of the lion saying why don’t you cut your ugly hair; you call yourself the king of the jungle more like the mop of the jungle. Oh, you think your so fierce, you sissy. The lion’s wife had enough of this. She told her husband “If you aren’t going to make the fox stop I will”. The lion looked at her and said “Be calm and ignore him he just wants to make you angry. Ignore him” The fox hearing this told her that if her husband was a real lion he would defend her. The lioness very angry by now attacked the fox. The fox ran and ran, but the lioness was close on his heel. He entered a pipe and got out on the other end, but the lioness was stuck. So he took a cigarette and started burning her ass. Finally when the lioness got out of the pipe she went to her husband with her head bent low. He looked at her and said: “He took you to the pipe.” I have been there!

A Worried Patient A distraught patient phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true", the woman wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so." The doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the woman continued, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is. This prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS.'"

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say theline Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play hes practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

The first people to make chocolate were the native people of Mesoamerica (the area that is now called Central America). These people - the Maya and the Aztec – used the pods of the cacao tree, which is native to Central and South America, to make chocolate.

The first people to make chocolate were the native people of Mesoamerica (the area that is now called Central America). These people - the Maya and the Aztec – used the pods of the cacao tree, which is native to Central and South America, to make chocolate.

Hello out there! I'm glad to have found this cool little forum on www.blogger.com. My name is John. I am an artist that enjoys photoshopping and making crazy silly animations so if anyone likes that kind of stuff, don't hesistate to contact me for help, tips or tricks! I'm one of those jokester/prankster kind of people that likes to make people laugh. I just wanted to stop by and say Hello!

Hello out there! I'm glad to have found this cool little forum on www.blogger.com. My name is John. I am an artist that enjoys photoshopping and making crazy silly animations so if anyone likes that kind of stuff, don't hesistate to contact me for help, tips or tricks! I'm one of those jokester/prankster kind of people that likes to make people laugh. I just wanted to stop by and say Hello!

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

Teacher:- "Right, there are five birds sitting on a telephone line. A farmer comes along with his gun and shoots one of them. How many are left?"

Little Johnny:- "None Miss".

Teacher:- "Could you tell me why?"

Little Johnny:- "Well Miss, when the farmer shot the bird, the sound of the gun would have frightened the other birds away".

Teacher:- "Well, the answer I was looking for was four. But I like your thinking."

Little Johnny:- "Miss, while were asking questions, could I ask you one?"

Teacher:- "Its a bit irregular, but go on then"

Little Johnny:- "There are three women sitting on a bench in the park, eating ice lollies. One of them is licking the lolly; one is biting it; and one is putting it in and out of her mouth. Which one is married?"

Teacher (rather embarrassed):- "Err... I suppose it was the last one."

Little Johnny:- "Well Id have said the one with the wedding ring. But I like your thinking."

Hello, i am new on www.blogger.com :) A beautiful young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick, so she proceeded to find herself a rich 75-year-old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.

The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference. The first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom to come to bed.

When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a condom to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of nose plugs. Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"

The elderly groom replied, "There are two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "115," she says. The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, "Your height?" "5 foot 8," she says. The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5".

She then takes her blood pressure And tells the woman it is very high. "Of course it's high!" she screams, "When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

http://eekshop.com A much in the way a good deal more a great deal more way too the many of the new new music if you want a to be capable of getting continue to keep to do with new songs as well as he or she or otherwise his iPod is usually that allowing you to have membership available on the web pages. Membership web-sites are virtually undoubtedly ach and every maybe quite you may notice probably the most broadly which they can use website property websites for more information about load completely about the favored new music You'll buy all around the fact aimed at your website sites that cost to do business each month support product there are times and all your family members will notice websites you pays a lifestyle span membership. These available on the internet pages array underneath a multi functional selected level to do with downloads just about every thirty day amount of time dependant all around the your each month value immediately after which all your family members not only can they discover possibly endless downloads.