An RT-award-winning literary agent with 20 years experience in numerous genres opens up about her experience and adventures in publishing and the world beyond it.

Friday, September 12, 2014

Agent Tish Beaty on What Kinky Means to Her

I was born and raised in the Bible Belt of America. I'm talking - pick any corner of any town in a hundred mile radius - and you will find a church of most any denomination. And we're not talking small country churches, we're talking HUGE churches. I also happen to be the granddaughter of a Southern Baptist pastor.

As you can imagine, I lived a slightly sheltered life (not as sheltered as some...but sheltered all the same). We weren't the "go-to-church-three-times-or-more-a-week" family, but we did go on Sunday mornings. I also participated in youth group as a teen. I was not one for partying in high school or college for that matter. I guess you could say that I was an average American girl, living a very VANILLA life - with little knowledge of what KINK was.Vanilla: Lacking adornments or special features; basic or ordinary.Kink (as in the sexual kink): Peculiarity or deviation in sexual behavior or taste.

More often than not, when those who practice vanilla sex hear the term kink, they connect it with BDSM (sadism/masochism first) because, just like anything - there are those who have tainted the term with their uneducated, risky, and sometimes horrific behaviors. But not all of those who participate in kink/BDSM enjoy or take part in sadism/masochism. For my purposes, I am not including sadism or masochism in my definition of kink (because this girl does not do the extreme pain thing). I'm talking about sex...with a twist of lime and a cherry on top.BDSM: bondage/discipline dominance/submission sadism/masochism - for more information, go HERE.Sadism: Sexual pleasure obtained by inflicting harm (physical or psychological) on others.Masochism: Sexual pleasure obtained from receiving punishment (physical or psychological).Sex...with a twist of lime and a cherry on top - defined by me.

Did you know that fur-lined cuffs aren't scary...they're furry and fun? Restricting touch is considered a form of sensory deprivation - as is the reduction or removal of a any other of a person's five senses. In the bedroom, this could be something as simple as blindfolding or as complex as binding. Blindfolding can be made sensuous by adding feathers, ice, wax, flavored oils, etc. Be a little adventurous by using those furry cuffs mentioned earlier and/or ropes to immobilize your partner along with blindfolding him or her.* With each sense that is "taken," the others become heightened - this can lead to an amazing experience for both partners.

Pleasure enhancers are another easy way to add that twist of lime, aka - kink, to your relationship. There is a huge array on the market - from floggers to nipple clamps to a variety of "stimulators." And in this day and age, you can research and order them from the comfort of your own home - HERE is an example. Passion parties can be a fabulous way to do some hands on toy research for those women with like-minded friends and have become very common over the past few years. Or perhaps you and your partner are bold? A trip to the local adult store is probably one of the best ways to shop for a pleasure enhancer.

Finally, the cherry on top - role play and positions. Role playing is a fabulous way to act out your fantasies in the safety of your home, with someone you trust. And switching up positions allows for the body to be stimulated in more than one manner. Not sure where to start with regard to role playing and/or positions? Books people...read some books and look at the diagrams - then TRY IT*!

Kink doesn't have to be dirty or painful or deviant (unless that's the way you and your partner roll). It should be a means to an end - exploring your likes and dislikes in the name of intimacy and pleasure. Don't settle for plain ol' vanilla sex...have sex with a twist of lime and a cherry on top.

~A word about AFTERCARE - aftercare can be anything from a cuddle to a massage with some arnica cream and/or any other pain relieving type cream, depending on the fun you've had and what your partner requires. Arnica cream can help prevent bruising.~

*Warning and Disclaimer: the things you do in the privacy of your home are your business, however, you should always maintain open communication with your partner before trying anything new. Open communication is the key. It is recommended that partners who partake in more adventurous activities have a "safe word." A safe word is a word that is decided on prior to engaging in said activities. It is the STOP sign of the bedroom (or kitchen or bathroom or well, you get the point). Keeping a key and/or scissors close by when using any sort of restraint that would require quick removal is always a good idea. Finally, my posting stories, commentaries, links -embedded or not, and/or any other fun stuff does not, implied or not, necessarily express or endorse support of such posted material or parts therein. Read at your own risk ;)

3 comments:

What a delightful way to make the sex of a sequel be new and fresh for a couple who enjoyed vanilla (albeit Tahitian beans) sex in book 1. Your post not only is personally inspiring, it's grounds for a hot series.

Oh yes, it is a delicious escape to float in the control of your trusted lover--owner of your body for that suspended moment in time. It is euphoria like no other; I know. It's my contention that each of us has masochistic or sadistic tendencies within us to some degree. The only question is, to what degree?

Thank you Trish. More than you know I applaud your "Be brave. Be bold. And write on.", and await with breath most bated for your review of Masochism of M. Sincerely, JC