Thatcher statue plan gets 'big bronze V-sign'

A plan to erect a statue of Baroness Thatcher in her home town of Grantham has been greeted with stony-faced disapproval by most of the UK's statuary.

The statue of Winston Churchill in Parliament Square was heard to mutter,'Never in the field of human governance was so little done for so many by that mad old bat. This idea will get a big bronze V-sign from me.'

And the statue of Queen Victoria on College Green, Bristol was, unsurprisingly, heard to pronounce: 'We are not amused'.

Even Cleopatra's Needle, Victoria Embankment, London, was observed to momentarily wilt at the thought of a Thatcher statue; and the smiles disappeared from the faces of the statue of Morecambe and Wise on Morecambe promenade.

Londoner and living statue Stewart Lansbury (he says he once tried a stint as a Thatcher statue but gave up after an hour -'even silent and motionless it scared the shit out of small children and pensioners') said he'd heard that Lord Nelson was seen to stagger on his plinth in Trafalgar Square.

Because of Baroness Thatcher's antipathy to the arts, some sculptors have expressed misgivings about a statue.

'I don't want to knock holes in the idea,' said Jacob Bernstein,'but when Thatcher was prime minister she was always chiselling away at the arts budgets.'

The only statue reported to approve of a Thatcher statue is that of Sir Arthur 'Bomber' Harris in the Strand. 'But the motive for Harrison supporting the statue is unclear,' said a RAF spokesman, 'but it may be Dresden related'.

'Some people have expressed surprise,'said Mr Lansbury, 'at the reaction of the statues to a Thatcher statue. But they have feelings just like the people they are statues of. After all, they're not made of marble or something.'