Saturday, May 2, 2009

Just overwhelmed

I feel overwhelmed/depressed this morning.

I've been waiting on my tax check for a month now and its that check that will allow me to stay home through June, therefore, one, I'm out of money, and two I'm stressing on whether I'll be able to stay out of work any longer.

The other stresser is just family and house. I'm tired of the rain, whenever it rains, some area in this house gets wet and no matter how much screaming I do, it never gets heard or fixed. I seriously dislike my husband today.

Other than that, I have a six year old, a fifteen year old, and a 5 week old baby to care for. I havent slept well in over a year and damn-it that just sucks!

I'm seriously ready to leave, just pack some bags, and walk out the door. No, I'd never leave my family, but my goodness, I've thought long and hard about leaving my husband, his family, and this house. They are the hardest group of people I've ever known.

I'm a runner, I know it. I've ran my whole life, always thinking something else would be better. It's not hard for me to leave. It's not hard for me to just walk away and build a new life. It's definitly hard for me to stay. It's hard for me to work through life, talk about it, rather than pour all my emotions and words out into the world where people who arent even apart of my intimate life can have them, hash through them, judge them, and then leave.