Saturday, January 23, 2010

I was recently given a book called "Intervention". It was an awesome, Christian fiction book about a mother struggling to deal with an out of control daughter addicted to drugs. I couldn't put it down.

Turn on the tv and I am drawn into this show about a young, pregnant mother who is addicted to pain medication and desperately trying to get off of them in order to save her baby.

Heard from a friend who was struggling with desiring the love and affection of guys. Longing for intimate relationships, but being left with only regretful memories.

All these situations really got me thinking...we are just one step away from Satan's trap. He is such a sneaky bastard. (Sorry mom...I felt that the word was necessary in this instance). He doesn't care who he hurts or whose life he ruins, he just wants to destroy us. He will use whatever tools necessary to lead us down the wrong path towards destruction. Oh how my anger rages at his disgusting ways.

When I was in the 6th grade, I began to take notice of the difference between myself and other girls. What I now know as just being different stages of development, I took as something was wrong with me. I have always been determined (Christian would call it stubborn) so I decided to take matters into my own hands. I began to go days without eating. Nothing. I would not allow a single morsel to enter my body...and boy did I see drastic results. I felt that I had found the secret to being thin. Just don't put food in your mouth. I would go on these 3 or 4 days of no eating about every few weeks and in the meantime I was eating little to nothing. Let me just stop here and reflect. I was 11 years old. I didn't know about eating disorders. I just wanted to be skinny like my friends. What began so innocently as a child, would develop into a life long battle. I get so angry with the devil. He didn't care that I was young and naive, he just took it as an opportunity to entrap me in bondage.

Right after my 12th birthday, I was placed into a hospital for treatment. I was in groups with teenagers and adults who were struggling with lifelong eating disorders. I sat in on these sessions and listened to devastating life stories of women who were using these crazy eating habits to cope with life. Even though I was put there to receive help, really I just walked away with more crazy ideas and ways to lose weight.

Eating and food would become my addiction. I didn't realize it then, but I was steadily choosing to follow satan down the wrong road. I struggled with hiding food, taking laxatives, refusing to eat, exercising profusely, and striving for some unobtainable goal.

Throughout high school, I faced these issues on a daily basis. I never touched alcohol, never went near drugs, remained pure in relationships, but I never let go of my eating disorder.

After I graduated college, I went into a deep struggle with my eating. Lost a ton of weight and was fully engrossed in my struggle. I was so underweight, my doctor told me he was going to put me in a hospital with or without my consent. I gained the minimum to stay out of the hospital but continued to obsess and struggle.

Slowly...very slowly through much prayer, I have begun to see the evil and wrong of my ways. I am beginning to see the destruction and lies for what they really are. I am beginning to realize that I have not had control all these years...but rather had lost complete control.

God is teaching me that I am His and my focus cannot be removed from Him. We will all struggle with sin and strongholds throughout our lives, but that doesn't mean we can't find victory each day. We are living in tough times, our lives are daily battlefields. But our God is so strong and victorious. He is mighty and willing to face the battles head on for us.

Fast forward a few years and here I am...married to the most amazing guy in the world. Wonderful family and friends. Awesome job, adorable puppy and just loving life. Don't get me wrong...I still struggle on a daily basis but I am more aware of the evil and lies that surround us. I know the devil is after my joy. He wants me back in the bottom of the pit. But dog gone it...I am fiercely determined to make sure he is defeated.

Why do I share all this...because each and everyone of us has some struggle that the devil uses to gain control. He may use alcohol, drugs, sex, obsessive habits, desire for control, food, shopping, or low self esteem. He will wedge his way in our lives using whatever method he can find.

I want to encourage you and myself to cling to God's amazing power and strength. God is such a light in a totally dark world. He has never left my side, and He won't leave yours. Whatever your struggle...whatever your stronghold...our GOD is bigger. He is stronger and He will prevail.

Friday, January 15, 2010

Monday, January 11, 2010

So hubby and I are celebrating 4 1/2 months of marriage and I can honestly say this has been the best 4 1/2 months of my life. Nothing can compare to the thrill of marrying your best friend and beginning a life together.

But I have become very enlightened over the course of the last few months and I feel compelled to share my thoughts with anyone who will listen. Perhaps I am the only newlywed in the course of history to experience these milestones, but I feel strongly that I am not alone. Hold on...this could get kinda messy.

Stage 1: The Adorable Stage- This stage was so fun...the stage where upon hearing his car in the garage, makes butterflies appear in her stomach. In this stage, the hubby can do no wrong. His dirty socks on the floor were adorable. The un-rinsed dishes in the sink makes her smile. The alarm clock going off for an hour before he actually got out of bed...just precious. This stage was so wonderful because it also was without any bodily functions being heard throughout the house. Nope...silent as a baby sleeping. Trust me...this stage is short lived.

Stage 3: The Awareness Stage- During this stage, the female begins to see her hubby in a more...shall we say natural light. She comes to the realization that this boy is not going home. He is here to stay. He has moved in and set up camp. That toilet seat will never be down again. The pantry will never be full again. The laundry will never be caught up. Now is the time of full awareness. The love blinders have been lifted.

Stage 3: The Amusing Stage- This is the stage when the female has made amends with the fact that this odd boy is here to stay. She realizes and accepts that her new hubby will be hers to deal with for a lifetime. The only possible thing for her to do is laugh and find the humor in his charming quirks. Isn't it hilarious when your hubby politely mentions that you folded his shirts wrong? Don't you find it hysterical when he runs and dives head first onto a freshly made bed? Doesn't his ability to burp louder than the tv just seem so darn entertaining?

Stage 4: The Appreciative Stage- There comes a moment in a newlywed's life that she realizes that in spite of the huge appetites, the unending dirty clothes, the unbelievably expensive obsession with golf, the intense love of all video games, the globs of toothpaste in the sink, the un-rinsed dishes and yes...even the burps...that she has married a jewel. The cream of the crop. The greatest thing since sliced bread. Yep...she begins to appreciate the incredible gift that God has given her, and most importantly she begins to get those butterflies in her stomach all over again!

Our New Year's Eve dinner was truly a delight. But it was short lived. Very short lived.

Around 11:45, as I am preparing to give my hubby a big smooch, he begins to feel nauseous. (For those of you who don't know me...throwing up is like my ultimate nightmare. I hate it. With a passion. I will do anything to avoid vomit or anyone who remotely feels sick.)

Next think ya know, I hear my sweet guy in the bathroom, um...how do I say this nicely...getting rid of our delicious dinner. Yep...dear hubby and I rang in the new year in separate rooms. He was in the restroom and I was in the den...as far away as possible!!

Poor thing was sick all night. By 6:30 the next morning, he was as white as a ghost and I insisted that we go to the ER, where they gave him 4 bags of fluids and 2 shots of Zofran.

He spent the next few days recovering, and is just now getting back to 100%. But I have to stop and give the Lord praise because seriously, this was my nightmare. But as soon as I heard Christian getting sick, instead of panic taking over, I felt a wave of peace and calmness come over me. The Lord poured His strength over me and I was able to keep it together and assist (from afar) my hubby. The Lord showed Himself to me in a mighty way last weekend. He showed me that our greatest fears can diminish with His power and strength. The Lord WILL supply us with the necessary strength to get through anything, even our worst fears. He will never leave us or forsake us. He is amazing like that. I know, without a doubt, His shield of protection was around me and He went above and beyond to show Himself to me.

Whatever your fears...He knows them and He cares. He will walk with you through each trial and give you over and above what you need to get through the tough times. He is just amazing like that.

About Me

I'm just a normal gal, making my way through this wonderful life. I am married to the most wonderful guy in the world. Seriously, marriage is the most amazing gift I have ever been given. I have a wonderful family, great friends, gorgeous nieces and nephews, the cutest puppy ever, and a picture perfect future! I love the Lord and I love my life! Come join me as I travel this road full of laughter, love and life!