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Tweet Tower—Lawyers everywhere, even many who do not represent the president in any way, are begging him to stop rallying, tweeting or even speaking. The controversial Steele Dossier alleges Donald Trump paid high-end Russian hookers to pee on one another at the Ritz Carlton in Moscow back in 2013. President Trump has now changed his story about the incident a third time, regarding his length of stay at the infamous hotel. Trump tweeted the following at three in the morning, after what one staffer is calling, “A case of Coke and one too many Big Macs.”:

In related news, the maid who cleaned up Trump’s Moscow hotel room after the night in question was killed today by a nerve agent while falling from the roof of the same hotel. Moscow City Police have labeled the incident, ‘Meh’.

Mick Zano

Mick Zano is the Head Comedy Writer and co-founder of The Daily Discord. He is the Captain of team Search Truth Quest and is currently part of the Witness Protection Program. He is being strongly advised to stop talking any further about this, right now, and would like to add that he is in no way affiliated with the Gambinonali crime family. View all posts by Mick Zano →