Ok, so the elephant in the blog is, yeah I'm back. Just spent the morning re-working 'Currently' from a few days ago.

It was always the plan to go back through my facebook status updates and harvest them for writing material (as I have been doing for years ~ I tend to use facebook as a live scratch-pad, for better or worse). However with so much stuff happening the task grew and grew and got way out of hand ~ which is of course what 'Currently' is all about, for me.

Also, 2012 has been a very rough year so far, in terms of finances and relationships, and while this should have fueled the fires, I found myself too often hiding in a pile of DVDs and very little else outside of work. With my financial situation now stabilised again, and some major stuff out of the way, most notably shooting a tv pilot/short film with Smarty and some filmmaker friends (with a stunt-retirement announcement thrown in for good measure), I'm hoping to get back into the swing of things.

Anyway, I feel we're off to a good start with this new batch since 'Currently', and I hope to continue and push into some new areas. I've been working on a book of poems about my experiences working with Asylum Seekers (oo I know, topical Randall?) that I hope to have finished by the end of August, so stay tuned there.

As always, knowing there's folks out there reading this in 7 or 8 countries helps (thanks analytics), keep emailing and commenting here, please believe me, I read it all, even if I don't reply for lack of time, sorry. Thank you or taking the time to do so.

While it's all personal, I write to be read of course, and the gift of your time taken here in reading, truly humbles me. Thank you. Sincerely,

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I can't give you any reason that holds water
for the time it took
getting back to you

didn't want to come back shallow
leaking out lies
to get myself in this any deeper

I diverted the days
flowed them into weeks
they poured out months
now awkward unspoken volumes
sit vast and tepid between us
none of my excuses waterproof

things is I was gonna get back to you
still floating the idea
you'd been the one to go-to
with drowned out hands

reaching for you to flush me out
sunken in self pity
to tell it all-good again
save me from this flood

soggy now wearing out frowns
wet stain they call my face
the arms drip off of me
I'm all puddles by the footprint
cold through to my toes
and right out my eyes

look there
if y'wanna believe
how much tide I swam at
all I waded through
to keep fighting against

current

'cause it might look to everyone
I've been same-spot treading water
but rivers below know
I've been thrashing mad at it
been kicking undertoe
wrestling invisible waves
just to not
get swept away

once
I said in another poem"I can tread water like there is even a grace to it"
I can't

I ate fuck
swallowed salt water by the lung
holding out against a swim upstream
that turned torrent
wanting to take a life

just not drowning
is as close to flying
as I get
right now

I was gonna get back to you
sooner than later
wanted to swim this

stronger than another sad story
before that fucking flood

washed me away, excuses and all

_____________________________

(ed: 28th July 2012)So this is me, crawling back to the blog I've so long neglected, trying to get my groove back. This piece came out of nowhere, I just opened up the browser and started typing. I was very much influenced by the closing line of Buddy Wakefield's Horsehead poem (about a flood) and I just ran with that for a while.

I don't think it's quite there yet, will keep hacking away at this til I'm happy. Thanks for reading.