The reason behind the name of this company is supposedly because fisherman used to liken tuna to chicken because of the white color and very mild flavor. Thus, Chicken of the Sea. But is this rationale truly justifiable? Can tuna really be considered the "Chicken" of the Sea?

For fishermen, it can. But perhaps these sea salts shouldn't be the judge. While they certainly mine the sea, they don't live in the sea. Who are they to say what the "chicken" of the sea really is? If not the fisherman, then who? To find out, I decided to go straight to the source:

That whole Chicken of the Sea thing is bullshit. Those fuckin' cocksuckin' fishermen didn't know wha the hell they were talkin' bout. They couldn't find their couch in the living room if ya asked 'em to. Tuna ain't the chicken of the sea! It's the Zooplankton. I guess that just don't look so attractive on a can, though. - Anonymous Bluefin Tuna

This shines a new light on the controversy. It seems we, the American consumers, have been lied to this whole time. We were only told that tunafish was the chicken of the sea, the 'this tastes like chicken' of the oceans. The truth was withheld from us. But since zooplankton is the most precious food-source for actual FISHES, who live in the actual SEA, I think it's clear we can ignore crusty ol' Captain McAllister and instead listen to the rhythm of the waves. With those tides rolls the truth upon the beaches...Zooplankton of the Sea! Score another one for the American Consumer!

Wait! You can hear it speaking now! Do you know what it's saying? Mmmmmm...Zooplanktonnnn...

This has been Scam America!, always looking out FOR YOU!

Posted by
STARBEAR

2 comments:

This blog is clearly doing the work of the people, so it just pisses me off that somebody would be so petty as to steal your work. Jerry Seinfeld stole this bit from you 11 years ago. I can't even believe that hack.