As a heroin addict I can say…. I am tired of people thinking that they are hardcore because they smoke weed. Weed is the weakest drug there is. If you want to get high do a real drug like cocaine or heroin. That is hardcore. I know because I am a heroin addict. Do a real drug kiddies.

what have i become my sweetest friend...i'm so soooo sorry...i'm high. on meth. on ghb. i'm high and i'm home. alone. this is the best tina and g you can get in NYC, trust me. i work and do crystal meth. i smile and shake hands and say, "how are you doing?" and pretend to care. i pretend like a mother fucker. i pretend like everything is just swell. my girlfriend is well was home picking at her skin, tearing her beautiful face apart, smoking, slowly losing her mind, begging me us to stop doing this shit. she couldn't handle it. not like me. now i sit here. high as a motherfucker, this shit is good. alone. she should go far away. i love her too much. what have i become? who am i? can i escape this? and do what? and be who? the "real" me? i hate the real me the real me is too shy to ever speak his mind, anxiety nervousnes god dammit i just wanna i just wannai'm going to take a hit and do a scoopand stay locked in this fantasy this hell disguised as heaven. everyone i know goes away in the end.

well sorry haven't posted in a while i have been enjoying the weather and some fun new things i have found to do around here. when i got of yesterday i decided i was going to spend the whole weekend on my boat and just enjoy the summer and sun. i loaded up a couple coolers full of beer stocked up my pill bottle hooked up the boat and off i went. now i am out here lovin life right now nice and high knocking back a couple of cold ones and probably gonna just start pulling up to shore or wherever and see if i can add a hot little piece of ass to have some fun with me. im sure there is someone out there that would really enjoy sharing this time with me got plent of beer, pills, and of course dick to offer. lolfound some good local bands here lately from some people at work and even from someone on here. i went and saw one this week for the second time and it was good times i am really starting to get in the groove around here its kind of nice but scary at the same time because i told myself that i wouldnt let myself go straght back into this lifestyle but dam its who i am and i enjoy it way to much to just give up on it.now the bad news i realized this week that i pushed the ex to far and tried to hard to get what i wanted from her and when i wanted it that i think i finally lost her. which i guess it was kinda what i wanted i mean i left her but kept her around because i knew i could and she would do it all for me but i think i finally went to far and now she wont speak to me or anything and it had made me kind of realize how great she was to me but at the same time we were going different ways but i am starting to wonder now if i should have just stayed with her and still kind of do what i want to just to have her in my life and the things she does for me it would kind of be nice to keep that around but is it really worth it part of me says yeah it really is because she will do everything for me and makes me happy sort of just we dont want the same things anymore then i think why should i when i can just do what i want without the stress i dont know i will figure it out i hope trying no to think to hard about it this weekend just want to enjoy my time out here on the river for the rest of the day then probably gonna go somewhere and watch the fight tonight it should really be good timeswell let me get back to my cooler and my satchel of pills should be on again sometime soon to post some more and fill everyone instaying high in the sun good times await

high and alone well I am high as hell sittin in my house all by myself hearing wonderful noises that have me paranoid as hell but i know that i can beat them if they come after me so what do i have to worry about. i am so horny right now though and doesnt matter what i do i cant get rid of this feeling i need some crazy ass sex thaat goes exactly how i want it to and when i want it to i just need that girl that can handle it all and i mean it all i wanna give it to her like she never thought she could get it and then i am still going to take some more. well dam there i go again getting to far into things. i am just here in the house alone and dont know what to do with myself i just want to be higher but cant do that till tom morning i am really starting to like this living here in va thing i thought it was going to bring me bad news but the first day i was here i find the hook up and its a good one now i just need to find that girl that shares all these feelings with me and this place would be perfect for at least a little while where is my freaky ass pill addict girl at i would love to find her and turn her world out like it hass never been before well gonna go

Ugh so i am jonesin bad... Im not getting sick yet i just have that super anxiety that kills me til i get a fix. I have some pills to hold me over but damn, it only lasts for so long. My fiance cant seem to figure out why i am so moody! ha if he only knew that he had found himself a grade A junkie! awesome right? Especially when im like hold on i need to go get high before I go and check out wedding stuff so im not agitated! I dont know why he thinks im moody. Maybe he thinks im just psychotic. It would kill him if he knew i had relapsed after 6 months of being clean...I even asked my ma if she cold find any dope today. how pathetic is that? She said she would try, so here i am LJ'ing and hopin something comes through...

chipper's or hypes? wow, good for you guys and gals...is this a journal for chippers of full-blown junkies? cause when i was on the skag i couldn't stop drooling on myself long enough to get on the internet. but that's just me, i was no chipper

LA beach area all the way to the hollywood hills..? anyone have any connects in this area.. please, i know your out there... theres tons of junkies in venice, and all the way to hollywood. hell, ill even go downtown if its good shit... so, is there anyone who can help me.. all the mexican dealers are all either getting busted or are getting all crazy and dont like meeting "kids" even though im like 21(1 mo.!).. so can you please help me out if you see this and know your in the area>.. im not going to like steal your hook once you introduce me or anything.. ill continue to go through you(unless its a hassle..) and either break off sum shit to make it worth your while or you know throw a couple of bucks your way.. but im no yuppie, so i know when im being fucked... but as long as your up front with the shit, i have no problem. just in serious need of some new(good) connects! so please help out this sweet junkie( i actually am one of the few who hasnt let this shit like take my soul or human decency/lol). im a great costumer!! please im begging you.. So, if you get this in your friends list... and know your in the area.. send a message my way. thanks guys!!!ali

I'm hating my life right now. I have the sweetest boyfriend anyone can vouch for that. seriously it's like that all I ever hear people say to me constantly, " Your so lucky that you have such a good man." Yes I know this. But I can't take it anymore. Living with him has become such a burden. I'm addicted to Crystal Meth as well as has a love of many other drugs but that is the one that really gets to me in such a fucked up way. I'ma fucking mess. My face is full of scars from me picking at what seems to be a pimple while I'm high but turns out to be nothing. So I rip my face apart all the time while o it. I'm trying to stop really I am. It's ruining my whole fucked up life.And to top it off when I try and keep away from it, he , my boyfriend comes along and brings some for us to smoke. Then gets more and more. He knows my issues with it but it doesn't seem to phase him. Like he doesn't care. I hate him for it. I really hate him, I hate myself , I hate my fuckng life. This sucks.I wanna die.

How Far Does This Rabbit Hole Go Exactly? I personally am not a smack user nor have I ever tried it. Not saying I have anything against it or anyone who uses it. I just know my addictive personality all too well to know that if I ever go there, I doubt I would find a way back. Does anyone, really? All the drugs that I have tasted throughout the years I've enjoyed a little all too much for my well being. Even the ones that I disliked on the first and second try, I've wanted to try again as if not content with my feelings toward it when they weren't positive ones. You know how there are the kind of people who try to find the good in everyone, even in the worst kind of people? Well I am the kind who tries to find the good in any drug I decide to try. No matter what, I can not be satisfied unless I'm certain of my dislike for it. I never give up hope, never turn my back on it on the first second or third try and say that, that is it, that this is definitely a drug that I would never bother with again. I'm always curiously looking for the reason for others being so addicted to it. This thought alone intrigues me. As you might have already guessed, handling this situation in this way, always leads to me solving the case and finally getting my answer. Therefore leaving me in my own addiction towards it in the end, like a slap in the face. How far does this rabbit hole go? I always am curious to know. So when it comes to smack, let's just say, "I'll take your word for it."

A "Krackhead Chronicles" community post I remember an incident some couple years back that will always stay glued to the back of my mind to never forget. I had my encounters with a numerous amount of drugs back then trees, yay, special k, ecstasy, but the worse of my addictions was yet to come. I fell in love with this guy, I'll call him Donnie. Donnie was my world, my everything. However falling in love came at a bad price as it is always presumed it does. I fell for him not really knowing who he really is. Later finding out much of his baggage when it was already to late. The main one being that he was hooked on crack. I remember the first time trying it with him, honestly I didn't even know what I was sniffing. That's right sniffing, not yet smoking it, being as how I told him that I was not into crack and would prefer some lines of coke before he turned it into crack. He lied and gave me some whitish, beigeish substance he said was coke and so I snorted it. Me being so damn naive I didn't question it. It wasn't until later on when I saw him put the same stuff from the same baggie into his glass stem and smoke it that I questioned to myself whether or not I had been had. But honestly if the answer was yes, did it really matter at that point? No, cause all I wanted was to be with Donnie, be in his crazy carefree world were life seemed sweet cause you didn't give a damn about the little things, nothing mattered except us and the particular moment we were in. I was in awe at the way he made me feel, I was free, and felt like a little kid when I was with him, he loved me I felt in way no ever made me feel. He made me feel like I was the one person that mattered most to him and that made me feel so special. This was it I thought, this was what it feels like to be in love with someone and have them be in love with you.

So you can image the hurt I felt when Donnie left me one day so abruptly just like that. He was on some crack binge while I was at work when he called me and ripped out my heart over the phone. Just like that. I was devastated, heart broken, I wanted to die, I couldn't find a reason to be, and to top it all off I was now facing my own crack addiction. By this time I had smoked it enough times with him that it had become a pet peeve of mine, a late night favorite snack of mine if you want to call it. Donnie had no real place of his own, he was always moving from place to place so there was no way of finding him, he had no cell. It was always him finding me. I didn't see him for days and decided that the only way to be close to him was to go to all the areas we'd hung out. I wanted to sabotage my life if he wasn't part of it. So I decided after work one day to go to the crack spot where Donnie would have me wait outside the door to buy some crack in some projects. I wasn't at all nervous, it was like I was on a death wish and nothing seemed to phase me. So reach my destination and I get into the elevator with some black lady in her late 20's it seems who was obviously pregnant cause her belly was out to there. Anyway, I am just hoping this chick doesn't get off in the same floor as my dealer's floor cause then what am I gonna freaking do? So the elevator stops at my floor and just my luck the bitch is getting off in the same floor. I try and lag behind some, so I give her time to get to her destination without her catching on to mine. To my surprise her's was the same as my own. I slowed my pace but was not about to turn around and call it a day, fuck that I no longer cared anymore.

She was about to knock when I caught her eye. She quickly looked in my direction at me in somewhat stunned not sure of what to do next. I could imagine her thought of my first impression, a well dressed, business suited, young, light skinned female doesn't usually fit the crack den visitor type. She boldly asks me if I was visiting the same door. I said yes. You lookin for "Dealer's name goes here?" Yes I replied. She decides to knock under the circumstances. To our misfortune the dealer's brother answers, he seemed to be in a shitty ass mood and takes a look at the both of us quickly replying "Dealer's name ain't dealing shit no more, get the fuck outta here, I'm serious!" Then slams the door in our no good faces. We quietly slowly walk off in devastation back to the elevator. While in each others' presence she asks me if I was looking for the same thing as she. Crack? Yes, why else would I be there. I ask her if she knows of any other source? She says she knows of some young kids who hang around the neighborhood from time to time and also deal. But seems reluctant to say anymore by the way she is looking me up and down. I say look, I know what your thinking, but I ain't no cop, I know I look out of place here but that is only because I'm coming from work and all I want if a fix. Besides the fact that I told you I wasn't a cop and now trying to get you to help me score can't land you in jail because cops aren't allowed to do it that way. She responds, "oh, I know what you mean, it's what they call entrapment?" Exactly, I say. So she agrees to help me score but only under the circumstances that I'm treating her. I say agree to this but inform her that I only have enough for one measly $20 baggie cause I'm pathetically broke. Whatever she says. So we find the kids, we score the shit, run back into the project building behind the elevator to some secluded staircase steps where one of us pulls out a stem. I throw the rock in and offer her the first hit. She is reluctant to take it and says, no, you take it first, I want to see that you really take it before I do. I grin and shake my head and take the first hit. She continues to want to guide me to take a long enough pull with a decent amount of held inhalation so to be finally satisfied that she has nothing to worry about with me being an undercover cop. I exhale and pass it to her she quickly grabs it without hesitaion and takes a hit. As I try an appreciate what I hope is coming to me in this high, I stare down at her and it hits me. Not the high hits me, but the fact that I am smoking crack in the projects with some black chick who is expecting a baby. I zone in on her belly. Do I dare ask? Fuck it, already went this far might as well. Can I ask you something? She says yeah, alright. Why do you smoke this when your pregnant? She looks straight at me and says, "well, I've been smoking this for a long time now, I was hooked way before I got pregnant, and then after i just didn't know how to stop, I'm addicted to it, I can't stop." She then asks me why I do it? Adding that I don't look like the type that would. I said to her she really didn't either to tell you the truth. Why do I do it? Someone I really loved put me on to it, he left my life not to long ago and left this addiction behind to remember him by. I went to work the next the and wrote about this lady in my journal, and right before ending the entry all I could think of that I didn't seem to think of while it all took place in those projects was, how could I have done such fucked up thing to that child.

i use drugs like ecstasy and coke a fair bit and have never thought that much about smack cos it just seems like a bit of a taboo but i was wondering where u get needles?this might seem like a stupid questionpeace

I arrived at Nevadya's house at about 8:00 p.m. She was sleeping, so I sat in the living room knitting while our boyfriend's played NBA Live. I promised Wonka that I wouldn't mind if they played if I could bump it up. He responded with lightening speed, and soon we were off to see that bitch Tina. I know she is bad news, but damn she can put me in a productive mood! Besides, I haven't seen her in a few weeks. Work has been so stressful, that I deserve a bit of a treat!

So Wonka, Mugen and I took a ride. JP was already there when we arrived. Mugen immediately went to talk computers with Mr.Wizard, while I rambled with Wonka and JP, who spent most of the evening looking up porn on his iphone that would satisfy my specific tastes. I only like girl on girl bondage. No men. I don't like strange penis. Not to be confused with a strange man with a penis, as I live with one of those. ;-)

Finally we arrive back in the Bronx and Nevadya is finally up. We chill. That bitch tina punches us in the face. Then I spend far too long creating a livejournal account so I can teach her how to use hers while she obsessively changes the music.

My jaw is tense, and my joints begin to ache from sitting in the same position for the last three hours. I have the jitters. Maybe it's time to smoke a cigarette and knit a few rows.

30 day meme list?Day 01 - your favorite songThere are so many, but I guess I'll say "King Without A Crown" (LIVE AT STUBBS) <=this version only, by Matisyahu. There a part in the song that goes, "Your a slave to yourself and you don't even know, trying to live a fast life but your brains moves slow. If your trying to stay high your bound to stay low. You want God but you can't deflate your ego" etc. I remember loving it the first time I heard it but it wasn't until the 3rd time when I turned it up and heard the actual words clearly that it made me appreciate and love it even more. I had tears in my eyes because I could strongly relate to it and it really got to me. What an awesome song! Here's the link to listen to the whole song: