I am a marriage and sex therapist. We all have fantasies…that’s a normal part of being human. Today’s article is all about honoring your fantasies and your committed relationship…yes, that’s possible so please read on. In my practice and in society in general I see far to many people are getting divorced and too many people are being unfaithful. My main purposes in life besides helping couples heal is to help prevent these problems. The reasons for these problems are multiple and…

I love writing about this stuff! I just celebrated with my wife our 33rd wedding anniversary this past Saturday and I enjoy the creative process of keeping things alive and fresh in my own marriage. Yes, passionate marriages are created; created by paying attention to each other, courageously communicating and doing new things and also keeping yourself interesting. The only way to keep yourself interesting is to lean beyond your edge. Your edge (as David Deida says…

As a professor and psychotherapist, I have learned some things about early childhood development. Infants and young children do not have the brain apparatus to regulate their emotions so they utilize their caretaker’s brains basically to do the regulation. For example, the attuned mother can calm an anxious baby with touch or food or changing a wet diaper. This is called down-regulation meaning that the mother in these examples helps the child go from a more stressed, inflamed state to…

In my practice, a good proportion of my clients with low sexual desire are men. This is particularly challenging because men have grown up with the myth that they should always have sexual desire and be ready to pounce on one’s partner at any time. If that is not the case, it saps the self-esteem of the man and can even preoccupy his thinking. The truth is that men are not machines and there are many factors that could cause…

What is confidence? One definition is belief in one’s own abilities. That is great in many areas of life. However, there are also many areas of life where confidence is NOT just about abilities and the sexual arena is definitely one of those areas. Why, because- good sex is not about just one person; it is about two people and sex with one person will be very different than sex with someone else. That other person will have different desires…

Every relationship is different and there are many ways to create a passionate relationship. One thing I have found though, that is pretty constant in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships: Opposites attract; opposites in the sense of masculine and feminine energies. The masculine in all of you whether you are a man or a woman is the part of you that could “penetrate,” make an impact and lead. The feminine in you is the part that can receive, allow to…

1) Your once hot marriage will probably cool off; that is normal and that is not really a problem. 2) Once your marriage cools off, there are most definitely things you can do to fan those embers and get it hot again. 3) Think about what you used to do that created passion in your relationship and do it again whether you feel like it or not. 4) Yes, in order for passion to be recreated, you need to do romantic and sexy gestures…

In this video I''ll show you how easy it is to create more romance and sex in your relationship. I cover how to get the sexy back into your intimate relationship when you've gone beyond the lust and romantic stages. The good news is that you can have it all... that comfortable, loving side PLUS the exciting lust & romantically driven side all at once. It just takes a little planning let me show you how simple it...

A Powerful Tool to Go From Conflict to Peace I want to discuss with you one of the most powerful tools I know that can de-escalate conflict. This tool can be used with your intimate partner as well as in any relationship. It is particularly useful at this time of the year when underlying conflicts seem to come to the surface. (I am already seeing it in the phone calls I am getting since last week and continuing this week)….

What you focus on may determine the quality of your sex life. I want to talk about this from 3 angles: 1) How gratitude affects your sense of psychological well being, 2) How gratitude affects the wellbeing of your partner and 3) how gratitude affects your brain. Then I can do the easy job of linking all that to your sex life. It has been clearly established in the field of mental health that what we think affects how we…