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One of my high school boyfriends once gave me a hand drawn (in black pen) picture of a girl in a hat and a guy playing the guitar. About three months after we broke up, I found out it was actually a drawing of the girl he dated before me. Merry Christmas, me! I still have it as a symbol of the WORST thing you can give to someone for any type of present.

My dad is notorious for giving bad gifts. His theory is, and always has been, "If you don't like it, take it back!" In 1964 I am a freshman in high school. I am emotionally in what is called my "awkward" stage. Anywho, for Christmas that year he buys me, among other things, a Russian hat. Not fur. Not cool. Not expensive. In fact, I am 100% positive he bought it from JC Penneys. The hat has the texture of a recently groomed curly-haired poodle. Black. Nikita Kruschev wore one. So this gift is not only goofy, it's also un-American. It's a commie hat! What was he thinking? Of course he says "Put it on." I resist. "I don't want to." Again he says "Put it on!" I repeat, "No! I hate it! I don't like it!" Then he says another thing he always used to say: "Put it on. How do you know you don't like it unless you put it on!""Fine!" I put it on. My sisters laugh, my brothers laugh. Even my mother laughs. My dad, he says "It looks good."1964 was the year that I realized that my expectations on Christmas morning might never be met again. I was 15.Having said that, I wish I had that hat today. That hat was my dad.

Generally speaking, most things given by a guy (and I am a guy). Women tend to be very thoughtful when gift-giving, men just give whats convenient. For instance, I know I've barely thought about Xmas shopping and Xmas is a week away.

The first year my husband and I were dating he bought me a belt about two weeks before Christmas. At the time I hadn't known that the belt was to be considered part of my Christmas present. Christmas Eve we were at his parents' house opening gifts (with his whole family) and he handed me a very heavy box. I'll admit, I was pretty pumped and completely intrigued about what was in the box. I opened it up to find....(wait for it)....lottery tickets. The heavy part? A brick...you know, to throw me off. His mom asked, "is that all you got her?" He responded, "Well I bought her a belt a couple weeks ago too." Worst part...I didn't even win any money...not even $1.

A smart man (like me) will buy diamonds or pearls for his wife (or girlfriend). Even cheap, small diamonds will trump an expensive vacuum. Even cheap, imperfect pearls trump an expensive food processer. Not to mention that your Christmas shopping experience will be relaxed and rewarding. There are stores out there called "Jewelry Stores." They exist for a reason. They exist for you - the man. If you find yourself at Kohls, K-Mart or Target wandering the aisles wondering what the hell should you get her - you are screwing up. Go to a jewelry store. (Unless of course she wants an iPad.)

I was and am a Ford guy. I'm part of a Ford family, we love cars. My brother, myself and my cousin are all within 5 years of each other and tended to get "car related" gifts from one of my Dad's sisters (actually her Husband picked the gifts). Every year, my cousin and my brother would get a Ford model, tshirt or similar gift. Me? I ALWAYS received a Chevy this, that or the other thing. They weren't the WORST gifts in the world, but they were just so "I don't like you" and being a kid of 9-14 it was just hurtful. But every year I came to expect it. It was worse than getting nothing. However, there was a silver lining. As much as it upset me, I took it with a grin, said thank you and went about my business (opening presents I liked from other relatives who didn't hate me). After that party was over, on the ride home every year this happened, my parents would tell me how thankful and happy they were that I not only controlled my temper (it was kinda legendary) but was able to let it roll off my back like I did. I loved that my parents said those things about me. It was like a Christmas present in it self.

I would prefer not to get anything as opposed to the bargain bin blender for one, pewter bud vase that cannot stand up under it's own weight, holiday nightmare sweaters, all given to me by a relative. I know it's the thought that counts, but in these cases, the thought could not even get to the number one. If you can't think of anything to buy, don't feel obligated, I am not 6 and I understand. I would have rather seen the money go to a food bank.

My uncle gave my aunt an axe handle. The kids were playing and broke the handle. She was responsible for the kids so he was helping her out by replacing what "her" kids broke.She still thinks he's a great catch.