Blaming Myself

Posted on: December 23rd, 2014

I am 20 years old and it happened when I was 17. I was at a party, the kind with drugs and alcohol. I got too drunk and passed out in the basement. When I came to the boy I had been flirting with all night was on top of me. I remember being still groggy when I woke up, but I was paralyzed with fear. I didn’t have enough strength to push him off me. It was the worst experience of my life. After everything happened my friend took me home in the morning and I cried all day. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror and I showered at least ten times that day. I couldn’t get the feeling of guilt, shame and humiliation out of my head. My friends weren’t blaming me out loud but I could feel the blame when they looked at me. I still blamed myself up until I watched Linor’s story. A part of me is still learning to lie with this. I still feel guilt and shame but less and less as the days go by.

I was afraid to submit this because I still feel like it’s partly my fault…I was drinking that night so I feel like I don’t really count as a rape survivor/victim. But this is my story.

Good luck to Jessica Tyson, Miss World - New Zealand in the Miss World competition on Dec. 8th in China. Like Linor, she is using her voice to speak out about sexual abuse. #IAmBrave ... See MoreSee Less