I definitely don't think this is quite as bad as eating the yolks out of deviled eggs, as there's less of a hygiene issue. (It sounds like you could grab the garnish without touching the cupcake or frosting itself.) But eating bits of someone else's food is definitely not okay, especially if you're defacing it in doing so.

People actually eat the yolks out of deviled eggs???

Hypothetical from the OP. I sure hope such a person does not exist.

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^I like to eat that part first and then the rest of it, however I cannot conceive of eating just the yolk and leaving the white part for the next poor person who wants deviled eggs.

I could see doing that (I used to eat everything on my fast food cheeseburgers, but the cheese and meat patty, then ate that last or everything off my Twix bars then the cookie last). I couldn't see scooping out the insides and just leaving whites for others (besides, to me, the yolk filling alone would be a little strong after a little while).

I definitely don't think this is quite as bad as eating the yolks out of deviled eggs, as there's less of a hygiene issue. (It sounds like you could grab the garnish without touching the cupcake or frosting itself.) But eating bits of someone else's food is definitely not okay, especially if you're defacing it in doing so.

That is very rude and childish. Your cupcakes sound adorable, and like you put hard work and thought into them. Also, I don't believe it matters whether he knew if you had more licorice. The existence of replacement licorice does not entitle him to dissemble your cupcakes.

I think he was rude and selfish! Did it not occur to him other people might have enjoyed that part of their cupcake? And as for the "ooh naughty me" thing, childish and trying to make you look like the bad one.

Another vote for rude, selfish, and childish. I'm also going to add entitled with a smidgen of PA. You asked him not to take the licorice off the cupcakes, and he did it anyway just because he could? And then he made you out to be the bad guy and laughed about it? Wow.

You're right that it's not big in the scheme of things, but I can definitely understand your annoyance about this.

I suppose it would be rude (so you couldn't do this) but wouldn't you be so tempted, for all future gifts, to just give him packs of the sour licorice (since, obviously, he liked them so much he couldn't keep his hands off them)?

The fact that he went back and did it to all of the cupcakes after you caught him the first time has a big air of 'Nyaah nyaah...you can't stop me!'. Which just sends him further into childish, rude, and just plain unpleasant territory. What a jerk.

Not only was he rude to do what he did, but then to try and turn into some " oh no, mean oopsie caught me" joke is doubly rude. Yes, in the grand scheme of things it's not the end of the world, but it is rude.

At my sisters' bat mitzvah celebration, we had put out trays of petit fours decorated with flowers. We discovered several flower-less cakes and thought it was a mistake till we noticed a very young guest picking up a cake, licking off the flower and putting it back on the tray. But she was three. And her parents immediately took control of the situation.

I agree very much.

Yes, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big a deal, but it's rude. And the second part is *really* rude.

This is one of those tough situations where the person who has the reasonable view and actually put the work into making a treat for everyone looks like the nag or sourpuss because someone else is "just having fun." I hate these situations!

I'm struggling to think of a way to make my disappointment clear without looking like I care far too much about cupcakes (in onlookers' view). I might've goofily escalated it even further and said something about how it's yours if you touch it, and now no one else could have any, and he was stealing treats from children (unless I thought he actually might take me seriously and eat a half-dozen cupcakes right there). Sort of a 'You broke it, you buy it' philosophy.

This is one of those tough situations where the person who has the reasonable view and actually put the work into making a treat for everyone looks like the nag or sourpuss because someone else is "just having fun." I hate these situations!

Exactly! Also for the others who commented on DH laughing as well, I wasn't overly impressed with him for that either. By doing so, I feel like he just reinforced the statement above. His brother is just a mischievous little scamp (he's 42 BTW) and by taking offense, I come across as the wicked witch.

This is one of those tough situations where the person who has the reasonable view and actually put the work into making a treat for everyone looks like the nag or sourpuss because someone else is "just having fun." I hate these situations!

Exactly! Also for the others who commented on DH laughing as well, I wasn't overly impressed with him for that either. By doing so, I feel like he just reinforced the statement above. His brother is just a mischievous little scamp (he's 42 BTW) and by taking offense, I come across as the wicked witch.

I agree on the tough situation. Oopsie, did you say anything to your DH afterwards? He's the one who had the power to point out the lack of humor in this. It's so disrespectful of your time!

One of my pet peeves is people who think they're funny when they're just boorish.

It reminds me of a former boss. We sometimes had evening meetings for large groups, so I would order pizzas. fBoss would stand near one of the pizzas and pick off pieces of pepperoni and eat them. He couldn't understand when I told him to stop it. So I took the slices he'd been picking at and put them on a plate for him and told him that he could have those. "Oh, I just want the pepperoni! Leave the slices where they were so someone else can eat them!"

I told him no one wanted to eat them after he'd been picking at them with his bare hands, so I took the slices and threw them in the trash, and moved the rest of the pizzas out of his reach.

He wasn't happy, but I think I got through to him.

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What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

This is one of those tough situations where the person who has the reasonable view and actually put the work into making a treat for everyone looks like the nag or sourpuss because someone else is "just having fun." I hate these situations!

I'm struggling to think of a way to make my disappointment clear without looking like I care far too much about cupcakes (in onlookers' view). I might've goofily escalated it even further and said something about how it's yours if you touch it, and now no one else could have any, and he was stealing treats from children (unless I thought he actually might take me seriously and eat a half-dozen cupcakes right there). Sort of a 'You broke it, you buy it' philosophy.

I agree with this!

actually, I think the OP did pretty well with her, "I could give you some more licorice if you wanted it--I have a whole bag here."

I supposed you could have replaced them again, then walked over to him with the rest of the bag and said, quietly, "Here. if you want licorice, eat these. Please don't mess with my cupcakes again, it's pissing me off."

Well, I don't see it so much as caring far too much about cupcakes as someone diminishing/devaluing the care/effort I expended doing something that I did out of love (a little like the poster in another thread whose DH, upon being presented with a robe lovingly crafted overnight by the poster for his birthday said, "Well, it's not a real present because it's homemade"). Oopsie didn't just pick up generic cupcakes at the grocery store, she made them, and she didn't just make them, she took the time to figure out a cute design, get the supplies, execute them and then bring them to the gathering. BIL and DH diminished all that with BIL's antics and DH brushing off what he did (I had to explain this to my own DH when he just couldn't understand why I want nothing to do with his so-called friend).

They weren't just cupcakes; to me, they were a representation of Oopsie's love (unless Oopsie made them for money, which Oopsie did not indicate she did).

Also, would it change the issue if Oopsie had spent even more money for a bakery to make them just for BIL to ruin them, which is what he did. They were decorated to look like baskets, and he ruined the effect by picking off the handles.

If I had to deal with that kind of situation, ironically it would probably work best to cry. Say how much work you put into them, go to hubby for comfort. It's stupid and sexist and sad, but men like BIL don't respond well to angry women. Hubby would look like a real tool if he didn't comfort you. Then BIL is the cad who made you cry, rather than you being the woman who couldn't take a joke.