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Friday, February 11, 2011

I am a real jerk. I have just sent a text to a man to say that I would not date him.

Let me give you a little backstory, Frog followers. Pay close attention to the timeline and read it with the lights on!

We both had off on Friday due to the weather, so we IM'd for quite awhile getting to know each other. It seemed odd how many things we had in common and how easy the conversation was flowing. So the day of the date comes, Saturday morning. I have class since Tuesday's class was cancelled due to weather. I received several texts and IM's throughout class from him. Benefit of the doubt, I told him I had class, but I was signed in. Benefit of the doubt, he WAS showing interest and was making it ever-so-apparent that he was excited to meet me.

Saturday's date:Initial thought, doesn't look like his pictures. Benefit of the doubt, I look heavier in person than I do in pictures. And I like to think it's because I'm photogenic. ;) Back to the story, he has a little bit of a limp and teeth that are spotted. Suddenly, I realize that I'm a clean, straight tooth sorta girl again. I digress, I'm not that superficial, so I'll continue the date and see what our chemistry is like in person. The dinner is going well. We are talking and catching up in person. I am still nervous and a little reserved, normal for a first meeting, I'd say. After dinner, we are going to the 6th Floor Museum. He has never been and is a history buff. Plus, it leaves opportunity for talking, discussing, and broadening our horizons. It went well also. He was a little more affectionate than I was really comfortable with. He just touched my back and would stand close. Nothing that I wouldn't have minded if I was into him....a few key words there. Leaving the museum he asks if I'd like to come back to his part of town or go do something else. I respectfully declined.

Not a minute after I walk in the door, I have a text message from the frog. He wants to know if I'm going to make him wait all week to see me again. Ok, I'm flattered, but a little put off as well. I respond that he should ask me out and I will let him know if I'm available. He complies and asks for Sunday night. Since I did not have any plans, I agreed to dinner and possibly a movie for the next night.

Sunday:A morning text message, continuing text messages throughout the day. I decide to cancel the evening due to health issues. Of course, he was disappointed. I'll give him that. I am disappointed when I'm looking forward to something, too. Again, benefit of the doubt. What continued was a series of text messages that I did not feel comfortable with. They were everything from guilt-laden to offers of taking care of me. Call me strange, but I had a few red flags. Mostly because of the guilt he was trying to make me feel.

Monday:A morning text message, text messages throughout the day on his breaks, texts throughout the night. I wrote several times that I was working on homework and then on my taxes. The texts and IM's continue streaming steadily. Each more impatient and needy than the last.

Tuesday:A repeat of the previous day except that I was attending class. I let him know that I was in class and could not carry on a conversation with him. I felt like I had just ran over the guy's puppy right in front of him.

He was crushed and asked, "How long are you in class? How many times a week?"

I felt like screaming "Sweet Jesus!!! Grow some and do something with yourself!!!"

Wednesday:Much like the previous days. I respond less and less to the masses of text messages. Just then, an IM comes through.

"So, my Dad has nicknamed you."

"Oh?"

"Yea, eyes, for your big brown eyes."

I was thinking, how odd. I asked, "So you showed him pictures of me and/or spoke about me to him?"

"Yes, and I wanted to see if it would be too soon for you to join me for my brother's birthday party with my family this weekend."

"Yes, I do feel that it's too soon." Hopefully, I declined gracefully enough for him. I was beginning not to care. This case would call for extreme truthfulness, AND quick! I was growing increasingly tired of this!

Thursday:I'm growing increasingly impatient and annoyed by the constant communication. I know, I can hardly believe I was saying it myself. I now know, AGAIN, what it feels like to experience a Stage 5 Clinger. Even through text messages, I felt like I was being suffocated! Red flag city! Obviously, he likes me more than I like him. He seems to expect a lot of interaction and seems to not have enough attention paid to him.

At the end of the day at work, I was written up for being on my phone too much and for some paperwork errors. Great! Just what I need! I was not happy! Not happy with myself, not happy with the manager, not happy with the stalk-texter, just not happy! But it wasn't his fault. I could choose to keep my phone in my purse. I don't have the sound on or anything...anyway, that's a whole different post.

I leave work very upset and I get a text message from him. I am in no mood to mess with this right now! I HAVE to say something, but in this kind of mood it will come across like a dagger into his text-stalking little inbox. As soon as I respond to the text message that I had a bad day and am on the road, I get a phone call from none other than....you guessed it! He wants to go to dinner. I, again, decline. Throughout the evening: texts, texts, texts.

Friday:I write back that I had a bad day and had gone out for the evening with some friends. I explained that I would not be texting during the day. What comes during the day? Texts! Texts again this evening!

I respond to one because I am outrageously annoyed by the recurrent "Droid" ringtone that alerts when I'm receiving texts. "I am at dinner with my Mom."

What comes next add fuel to my fire and I know for a fact that I must say something TONIGHT! He calls. He continues to text.

So, as I'm leaving dinner, I send a short little note saying that I've had a bad week and that I will not be able to date him. Truthful, a little bit of sugar, yet cryptic enough not to make the boy jump off a bridge. He follows up with a series of messages expressing his disappointment, his questions, the fact that he knew something was different, and another demand for an explanation. He feels that I owe him one.

Ok, ladies. We have all been there. I know I often wonder "what happened?" I often, do not have the opportunity to find out. I figure it's for the best most times. Do I really need to hear "he's just not that into you?" Nope. I don't need to hear that. I get it. Their loss. Bloggy blog blog, a dish session with my girls, and I'm good to go. No harm, no foul. On the other hand, I have this opportunity to "pay it forward" in a way and tell him in an honest way the way that I feel. Mature, right? Could be helpful to the poor dear. So I write that I'm just not into him, no real reason other than that.

He simply writes "Wow." Sarcastic wow? Shocked wow? Really, are you really that shocked? He must be as oblivious as a self-righteous teen auditioning for American Idol that has all the confidence in the world that they are the best singer in the world. Turns out, people have lied to them! The audience must have been 1000 chatty drunks, flyby's overhead, 26 washers and dryers operating, jackhammers working away, and they oblige the entertainment by clapping and insisting that he/she did a great job. Wrongo!

I am not going to indulge him by providing any further reason. I refuse to let "wow" influence my evening or my decision. It stands as said. His damning response and "disappointment" just solidifies me in standing by my feelings. Whether or not it makes sense to any one else; they are my feelings and this is my life. It is my relationship to have or not to have. I choose not to! I choose not to inflict myself with this impending doom and heartbreak (a bit of a dramatic statement, but you get it). It was not looking good from where I could see.

I might be an incredible jerk. It might not seem to him or to others that I know what I want. I could not disagree more! I know enough about myself to know that I will not stand for someone who wants CONSTANT interaction, who wants to control my time, who inserts guilt and desperation into my daily activities. Been there, done that, no T-shirt, no shotglass, no souvenir silver spoon...NO THANKS! I respect myself more than that! Thank God I can finally say that! Thank God I realized that although I do like attention and it's nice to be wanted, there is a line. Thank God that I am mature enough to know that if it's this bad already, that it is nothing I need to involve myself in.

Benefit of the doubt, he might be a sweet creature who means well and just had an unrequited attraction to me. He is probably just lonely and felt like that's the appropriate speed of a relationship.

It sure is strange how if I was into the guy, there wouldn't be this question now. I wouldn't have minded most of the attention. The multitudes of messages would be alarming, but would probably warm my heart.

I believe the point is, I am not in the business of giving benefits of the doubt. I don't receive them from men. If they aren't into me, they aren't into me and they move on...I move on. I've given too many people too many chances. I am glad that I made this decision! I never know what kind of trouble this would have caused me in the future. And like I said, it's my relationship to have or not to have. You, his family, his friends, he might think that I am an incredible jerk and how could I just text that message to him. I've been there, it stings a bit, but it will be ok. Hopefully he doesn't gorge himself on a box of chocolates or Haagen Dazs. If he does, he will still live...been there, done that!