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93 thoughts on “Message to my EX”

Anonymous

You hurt me, played emotional games with me. 7years of friendship turned into a toxic relationship. You made me lose myself. Got me heartbroken and I feel stupid for loving you. I dont trust men anymore cause of you. Say hello to Karma for me cause you will never get a better person and loyal being like me. Have fun with your lonely life. Bye to bad rubbish.

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Week 2 just ended and I️ still can’t stop crying. Everything reminds me of you! Every corner of my apt reminds me of you. I️ just took a shower and the memory of you always kissing me while I️ dry my hair after keeps coming to me. My heart is in so much pain! I️ feel so hopeless and alone. I️ really feel like I’m going crazy! I’m a bipolar mess, one min I’m angry and mad at you then next I’m sobbing like a baby! I’m losing my mind and I️ don’t know what to do! I’m dying to just text you and tell you how I️ feel and you coming back and making everything better again. Never in my life have I️ felt this heart ache and broken hearted! My manager cut my work hours today cuz she said I’m not welcoming and negative since our break up. I️ can’t believe everything is falling apart like this! I️ can’t focus, I️ can’t fake a smile, I️ can’t function without you! I️ feel like I’m under the ocean and I️ can’t swim fast enough to get to the surface and breathe. It’s so scary and dark. I’m hurting bad!!

I felt like joy a month ago after my boyfriend broke up with me but now i find myself crying less and feeling hopeful for a better future. Please believe that this is not for you. If he really cares about you they wouldn’t have broken up with you. Whoever you are meant to be with will not cause you this pain. Try to feel better and don’t let this ruin your work relations. Take care and there will be brighter days ahead 🙂 believe in yourself

Why? Why did I try so hard for so long, so much longer than I ever should have, through every single thing, dedicating my entire self to everything that could ever possible make your life even a little better? Why did I do that over and over for FIVE YEARS. FIVE FUCKING YEARS. I know I made some HORRIBLE mistakes but I tried by damndest. No one is perfect but I put myself to that standard every single day for you. Despite all your flaws, I loved you and I loved them all. You did not forgive even m slightest one. and when it was all said and done… you did not even care. I was living for you. I would’ve died for you. But it was poisonous and I finally had to be the one to walk away. And when I did… you just looked at me, straight faced, and said “We weren’t a good couple. I should’ve dumped you a long time ago.” How could you say that? I am the one leaving, dying inside because I know I have to do this for myself and dying at the pain I thought I wa causing you, watching my entire future crumble into nothing before my eyes, watching my entire adult life so far turn to history and ash… and yet because it’s me leaving, I am not only carrying all this pain but I am the guilty one too. The bad guy. And you… you looked into my eyes, the eyes of the person who has the very most for you on this earth, who loves you more than words (but I know I have to leave for myself, if any other fellow penguins are reading this) and you tell me that you don’t even love me. How could you to this to me?

what hurts is that what we had was amazing but just because you know your girl bestfriend more than me you chose to believe the shit she stuffed in your head… it hurts because you didnt hurt me but I miss you yet I cant talk anymore because my dignity and pride are important.

OMG am happy I got my man back!
it happened that my husband left me for another woman he was seeing outside….
I did all I could to get him back and nothing worked!
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am happy my marriage is complete….
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To my ex
You’re a fucking lying & downgraded pig I hope you rot in hell with your mother you son of a bitch 😌
I hope you meet a girl and she ruins your life just like you and your sluttery mother tried to ruin mine but failed 🖕🏼
Oh 🙊 & your sister inlaw the fat bitch too 😘

My heart hurts. I’ve been crying for 5 days straight, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t function, I’m a fucking mess. A year and 2 months of seeing each other every single day, multiple texts and calls from you every day, you were so good to me, you have such a good heart but I took it for granted. Last week you were mine and couldn’t bare seeing me sad, you held me, kissed me and did anything to make me smile and happy again. This week you wipe my tears and just tell me to stop crying. Wtf happened? You say we fight too much and we enable each other from growing… that’s still not a reason for you to change this much in less than a week! I know people have been talking and telling you to “focus on yourself” I’m not stupid. The same people would tell me to break up with you too!
I don’t have energy to argue anymore. I just miss the old you. The way you would talk to me. How you would cuddle and hold me every night until I fell asleep. You would get upset and give me your puppy cry if I’d toss with my back to you while we we’re sleeping. The last night you slept here you’re back was turned to me the whole time. Why? It was so painful! You were my world, my everything. I feel so alone now. I have no friends anymore because you became my only friend. This fucking sucks!! I didn’t think my heart could feel like this. The only time I’m not crying is when I have to take a client. I don’t even remember what it was like to live on my own and have a life outside of you! It’s fucking scary. I never in a million years thought you would end it with me. Just last month when I was mad at you and didn’t want to talk to you, you couldn’t even handle it and would call and text me to make it better. How can you change so fast? I’m sick to my stomach. And you tell me you don’t want to lose me as a friend? You still want to have me in your life? How can I just be your friend now?! Last week you were my rock, I could tell you anything and felt like you’d love me no matter what I would say. Now you feel like a stranger to me. I feel like I have to get you to even like me now! I literally have to grieve you. This lump in my throat feels like it’s never going to go away. Everything reminds me of you. How are you so ok and I’m falling apart? I don’t wish this pain on anyone!
I pray God gives me strength, heals my heart and takes me out of this grieving loneliness.

I know it was never going to work with the way that things were going – and today I finally say the words that you told me I would say someday: You were right. You were right to end things. We had something amazing, but when it got bad, it was killing both of us.

It’s been long enough now that I have nothing but good things to say about you. When people ask me about you, I tell them that you were a great guy and I hope you’re happy and doing what you want to do with your life, and I finally mean it. I texted you the other day just to say hi, and to say thank you. I didn’t hear back, but I don’t really expect to. I will genuinely ALWAYS care about you, but I think that it’s better for both of us to not be in each other’s lives for a long time.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for everything. Please take care of yourself.

J i miss you soo hard, and even harder now that I’ve run away half way around the world all alone and have been here over a month trying to find some escape but I don’t know how to. I wish you kept to your promises and I wish you could be man enough to get your life together, man enough to not lay your hands on me, man enough to make things work and not blame me for your stupid mistakes because you were man enough to say you loved me but started failing to prove it after 6 years. Now im lost because I gave up my sanity trying to piece you back together and left the pieces you broke of me in the background. I know you are sorry and started to come to terms with who you became in our last moments but I’m still trying to gather all my pieces and I’m sure they will come back together and build a better version of me.

Yusuf,
It’s a shame that you weren’t wise enough to see beyond my skin colour, always thinking on what people will say of you for having a black girl. Maybe you are just not ready to being happy and to claim what you love… leave if you want to, you can live. Hope you find what you are looking for, and your kids won’t be slightly dark with kinky hair… people will say of that you made a good choice for her fairness. Leave… but don’t return, for by the time you finally grow, I will be with someone that values my god given characteristics.

To Pierre,
The time we spent together meant everything to me. I had so much going on then that I rushed into things and eventually fucked it all up. I miss you, I miss us, I miss the dates, the “entertwining”…everything. When I saw you recently, all I wanted to do was hug and kiss you. I do pray that one day we will meet again. You are my soulmate, I love you.

I miss you. I miss us – three blissful years filled with memories that I can’t see to shake from my thoughts.

Ugh. I wish you would fight for me. I wish you would fight for us. How am I meant to forget all the times you promised to move heaven & earth for us?

We were supposed to be high school sweethearts. Remember? The couple who made it.

I am shook at the thought of how your feelings changed over the last 5 months. The incident that was meant to draw us closer together pushed us further apart. He died & I was supposed to be there for you. You were supposed to lean on me. We were supposed to come out from this better, stronger, together.

But instead you pushed me away, ignored me, refused to aknowlege me. I went above & beyond in every sense of the word for you. And all you did was use me
Use me for your sick needs

Hey… I don’t know what happened. I don’t know why you hate me so much, when in the end of the night you hurt me, you told me to leave when all I wanted was to talk. You can’t even look at my face without getting disgusted. But what did I do? One week I was you’re everything, i was your baby, I was your girl,the girl you would never stop saying I love you to. I was the girl that you loved more then pepsi. The only girl you said had your heart. The girl you said you’d put a ring on my finger and have a family with. Now… I’m nothing to you. I’m just a bitch to you. I’m just trash like you called me that night. That night when you flipped a switch and I became nothing. I miss you. I miss our laughs, our talks about our future. I miss the cuddles, the kisses. I miss being by your side even though you hurt me I forgave you. I just miss your presence. The past year my life was with you my heart was with you. I don’t what happened to the guy from the beginning to the guy now. Was it ever real for you. Was your love ever real. Since you moved on so quickly. It’s as if I was never in your life. You broke up with me and 3 days later you’re with a new girl saying she’s your happiness the love of your life. Did you forget about me already. Did I ever mean anything to you. Because you meant everything to me… Goodbye

sometimes i feel so sad knowing that I love you but u cant love me back. i always tend to think whats wrong with me, what do other girls have that u cant see in me.. maybe am i ugly. boring. needy. nagger. badgirl. i am selfish. i am guilty of that. i have never showed u how much i loved u. i always give u headache. i always ask u to things u dont wanna do. i always make u feel so hard just bec i like u. just bec i miss u i have thought of working in korea. to see u often. to be near u. sorry. sorry. so sorry for everything. i cant forget u jin ah. u were the first and probably u would be the last. i tried to like other guy but i ended up crying for u. i dont know why im still doing these things.

i think i haven’t been good to u so i have this guilty feeling of regret that i should have done well to u. no one to blame but myself. it was all my mistake.. myself who is denial to see the real situation. I was willing to wait……but im tired. my heart is tired to wait, question, and get angry.. i was so inlove with u that i ignored how horribly u have treated me..
tell me;
How do i unwrite our past?
How do i undo my mistakes?
How do i unlove you?

It’s here it’s really here. The END of our 2 year relationship. I initiated the end because I knew it wasn’t working. We both knew it wasn’t working. We tried so many times because we really did love each other. I wanted it to work and you wanted it to work. I have hurt you and you have hurt me. I can’t take this hurt away. We both knew we were screwed from the get go because we really did form a bond of friendship. However, you found someone new already and she calls you her boyfriend and you probably call her your girlfriend. It hurts so deep because I thought you’d always be here. It’s like a dark cloud hovers over me. You were my sunshine even though we had a little rain at least some sunshine was there. Now there’s no sunshine and I don’t know when it will clear up. I don’t want to forget us but I must to move on. I guess I don’t have to let go of memories and the bond we had but it just seems like it makes it worse. I don’t want to forget. Why can’t I forget you? I loved you so much did you not see? Why did we do this to each other? I want to scream and shout but no one will even hear. I feel so alone and scared. I feel sick and empty. Every time I hear someone walking in the hall by my door I think it’s you. It kills me every time. I wish you would be there but you’re not. You will never be there again and it hurts so bad. It hurts. I hope when you are cuddling with your new girl you can feel my broken heart yearning for you. I must be the stupidest person ever to want someone who didn’t fight for her. What is wrong with me? Why do I think you would change and be my knight in shining armor? Why would I be so naïve? I never thought you would hurt me this bad. But I guess you might say the same about me. You gave me no choice but to leave. You would not step up and be a man for me that I needed. I was there for you to support you but you never allowed me to do so. I could have been the best girlfriend and wife and mother if you would have found a tiny piece of fight in you for us. But you chose a new girl to mask away the feelings and pressure. I am so disappointed that it makes me ill. You killed us. You dug the knife in and finished it off. Maybe you are not the person I thought you were. I was loyal to you at all times. I wonder if you were really loyal since you moved on so quickly. I am also saddened you have gone away from God. You chose your fleshly temptations over God, me and the relationship. I guess this is a wakeup call for me. I could have stayed and eventually you probably would have cheated because you could not handle the heat. Marriage you are not even close for. It saddens me because for some reason I still wish it was you I was with. Maybe it’s because I am all alone and you are the only option I don’t know. The terrible thing about that is I feel terrified to even date again. I am too hurt to burden that to someone else. I would be a shitty person if I did that. I am so angry at you. I hate you and I love you and it is killing me tonight well the past two nights. I want this to end. I have never felt this abandoned because you said you would always fight for us and be there for me. Now you are not. You are not here. How could you? I feel so let down. I expected that from my past ex who hurt me even worse but this is on another level of shock.

Now, it feels like ur world is crushing, i know. But you will get through it, believe me. Just never stop going forward, even if its just the smallest step at the time. Always believe, deep in ur heart, that u deserve better. Because U DO. And guess what? U WILL, one day, find WAY better. Trust me.
God is good, God is fair.

Dear HB,
You was just so cute to be real I hv always said that to you , bec I believe it’s true you always cared . You was there for me not always but I guess you did your best at least . I don’t know what happened to us ? What happened to those things on our bucket list that we were suppose to do ? What happened to you caring and protecting me even from yourself ? Why was it so easy to let me go ? I remember you said “ I can’t keep up with any promises or commitments” and I replied” okay so we are all good now “but I didn’t mean it , it wasn’t okay and it never was I wanted you to not let me go this easy but you just said okay , is that how much you cared about me , even you didn’t ask if I was okay cause I’m sure you know I wasn’t okay at that point . I remember every single conversation we had , everything . I remember that you love the classic cars , I know you can’t mesmerise the lyrics of any son , your sound sucks , I know that you cared so much but I don’t know what happened man . I just deeply truly miss you so feeling much . I wanna to feel your lips on mine again and wanna have that butterflies everytime you hold , touch and kiss me . I wanna wake up in you arms , I wanna you to be there when I need you , I wanna you to be there when I’m not alright or upset and say “ do you wanna talk about it baby girl “ , I wanna you to be there and tell me I’m proud of my girl . I just want you and I guess it seems impossible right now but just know that I deeply loved this Lebanese cute , funny , sweet and lovely guy .
From AZ

Well I really did believe that you cared or was you pretending all of that time , I just wanna you to know that I don’t freaking care about you anymore . I was always the one to fix everything and I would well come you back when just say SORRY . Damn boy I just hate the time I talked to you or even let my barriers down or at least putting up with your shit . I’m sorry and that apology isn’t for you it’s for myself , my family . The ones I didn’t thought about as much i thought about you . I remember you said there are guys much better than you out there , exactly that’s the point man there are guys much better than you and I really don’t know how stupid I was for picking you out of all of them . You wasn’t worthy any of my time or effort or thoughts .

you thought me how to say no and how to have rules and standards , i guess i had to go through your bullshit to learn how to act and how to value my self more
iam ashamed of how weak like a child i was with you but you were the lesson i needed to grow up and be who iam today. hope you are the last lesson like that coz god i learned my lesson no more tests pleas 🙂

message to my ex i did alot of things that were right but you did to i tried to get you to communicate but no you was to full of pride and let your ego in the way you created a hope for me a chance to be a mom has soon as the ivf appointment was booked you fled no where to be seen you could not give a fuck soooo why the fuck do i omg

how could u just go like that when i was ready to go through ivf and cheat like that why promise me all and show me all the dreams and hopes and then rip that from.within my soul how can you have done that to the one you said was your weakness and love i hate the fact you hurt me like that and then lied to my face when confronted with the truth i know miscommunication happened but why could you have not worked it out with me

This is a story of an incredible experience i had when my marriage crumbled which i eventually got helped and i like to share this to everyone out here and to those that have similar issue.. I’m not a believer of magic powers but they say the world we are living is powerful, then finally i met Dr Amigo who helped me reunite with my husband and make our relationship even stronger and brought peace and joy into our marriage. Want to reach out to him Google his name as Dr Amigo the online spell caster for a review of his full article. I’ve found happiness with myself with the help of this savior man, what about you! reading this post?

I want to offer a bit of advice to anyone looking to find help on saving their marriage/relationship. Me and my husband had a torrid time for a whole decade; all our family & friends constantly advising us to get a divorce but we knew it would break our children’s heart. We tried so many different things to save our marriage and from trial & error we came across a very helpful Dr online that worked extremely well for us. And now we are happily together with no more problems

I knew things weren’t going to work out from the beginning. You ignored me you left me many times blocked me so much. Yet I still fell for u. I wanted u to be only for me. I wanted to marry you I wanted to have ur kids. I wanted a future with u. What hurts the most is I know u won’t come this time. Ur going to move on and start a life with someone that isnt me. And that fucking hurts. Knowing ull spend the rest of ur life not in my arms. My heart hurts when I think abt u not with me. My hearts broken and idk if I will ever find someone better. U were everything I ever wanted.

I mean really, I just want you to not be suck a fuc**** moron and to eat my pussy. You’re so good at that. But you’d prefer what is boring? unfulfilling? practical? over what’s sexy! and passionate! and wonderful! I’m gonna be fine but damn you are making the wrong decisions. MORON.

I’ve never really recovered from you .. every single time that I jump to the next guy and it’s over
You’re still in my heart.You still hurt me ,you still matter.You broke me and im not ok.I haven’t ever been ME after that.I lost that girl , Iwanna pull you back into the past and bring me back. Bring back the girl who had confidence , who respected herself , who believed in love or believed someone is capable of love
but I’m broken and it’s because of you . i never got to a point where I was ever completely ok . You have no idea how hard these years have been. God you dont know how miserable I’ve been . i had a rebound (I didnt even know) I blocked every single thing that i ever felt with you and i got numb, he used to bend me over and I’ll feel absolutely nothing , i started being ok again gained some sort of respect for myself and left him , I started being happy with myself I wrote down OUR story so it wouldnt define me , Everyone who ever knew me had to know you and i was sick of it , you were no longer that important to me , a few months later i met someone, someone so amazing , someone who was perfect, i genuinely believed he was better than you and i wanted to spend the restr of my life with him ,I told him that and i believed he genuinely loved me , i was numb at the start but then i started feeling things , feeling what it was like to kiss him and hold him and hug him , it was similar to u , I was feeling .. it was the biggest thing for me .next he wanted me to orgasm , do you remember you were the first guy too ? i have never orgasmed after you until him ,t even when i help myself ill remember that night , i orgasmed while u stared into my eyes. the first guy to touch it was emotional. i always faked it with every other guy but with him that night i didnt . jay i swear i felt something was put together when i orgasmed i believed he cared. and i didnt feel so broken something was fixed.I stopped smoking . i realized it was coz i thought i was pathetic and i didnt view myself like that.you made me feel like that .I was glowing things got better then guess what? he hurt me , just like u . i remember the phonecall i had with him and my heart breaking it felt like deja vu with u but it didnt hurt as much, i handled it better , but when im alone what happened with us hurt more than any other thing that ever happened to me. Im hurt i just want it to be better , to stop hurting myself to stop being sad . to stop being depressed or self loathing or trying to forget what happened . it still hurts in my heart when i think of love or u , IT STILL HURTS JUST LIKE IT DID THE FIRST DAY.. it stiill does when i remember what a fool I made of myself or how everyone laughed or how that bitch makes sure everyone know imediately after me you were with her .. how did u not care? why did u want to destroy me to that point ? you made out with her infront of me and told me it meant nothing it was just a hookup you airhead, you airhead it didnt make sense to me how you can kiss someone and it not mean anything until i was so full of pain you assehole . you stupid shit . you changed my view of love . you changed my life and ive been miserable . you never said yourr sorry and you never will. maybe deep down thats what i want . i want u to say u were broken , I want you to say you didnt know what to do . so you fucked up and hurt me in the process. you wanted me to feel what u were feeling. say that you werent happy with yourself and you are a fucking coward . and then i want you to say that I made a mistake by taking it personally because you were scum and you were the one who was broken and didnt know how to make things better. say it you fucking coward.

. no matter how much i convince myself ive moved on ..that im better, i come back to you and unresolved feelings.. i already sent you all the messages , i even told u lets talk just so i can forgive you and tell you its ok but im like a doormat , like i dont exist . i remember i remember u kissing her infront of me , I remember how mad u got when i defended myself . im tired of blocking it out and it keeps coming back . i cry it out , i sob till there’s no tears left and there’s no relief .. do u know how much I supressed back then and it keeps coming back just please i want to move on from this so badly .. please it hurts so much .. you dont what tits like to be in pain because people hurt you so much , you dont know how i want to be myself again .. I want to genuinely be happy . everyone says let it go .. i want too god please i want too.

I loved you… I loved you for you. I gave you my soul and my heart… my mind warned me, warned me of the pain that you would cause me. But I didn’t listen… you were my drug. You made me smile… remember that day, in the park where we looked at the lake.We spoke about Allah, about our future…. That day your smile made me love you so much. I believed you. This sweet caring Pakistani guy in love with this Arab girl… Then one day you got mad and showed me how badly you can hurt. You cried to me and said sorry… I believed you, I gave you my all… Then you changed to this un-respectful soul…. When I asked you if you cared if I left you said no, just go…. I was staring at my phone, numbed with my dignity broken… You challenged me to leave, even told me that I cant. But I did… I miss you, but I don’t know what I miss… What was true.. I am lost.. and you, you dont care because in your eyes I am the bad one.. the one that left…

All I wanted was for you to see that the reason why I was being “annoyed” or had and “attitude” was because of all of your inconsistencies… but no.. all you did was just write me off as someone who was faulted and kicked me to the curb and didn’t even listen to what I had to say. Didn’t even care to what I wanted to say, to what I felt, to how much I loved you. You didn’t even give me a second chance. I think about you all day and all night and just wonder what you could possibly be doing and if you’re happy that you and I don’t talk? You made me feel like I’m such a horrible person and that I’m responsible for breaking us up when it was you.i just want to say all of these things to you but I know at the same time you won’t care. You won’t care how I feel, you won’t care what I have to say. All you care about is yourself

That’s it. Just the damn fucking truth & you could not even grant me that.

We were together two and a half years, which you see, may not seem like a lot but to me it is. I normally don’t do relationships for longer than six months, but something about you caught my attention and it changed me. I’d like to thank you, for showing me how to love again. But this isn’t what this post is about. This is about you & me. And the third party.

Just a month ago, we decided we would give each other a break. A real break, where we don’t speak to one another and no social media or anything. We were going to get back together August 10th, 2017; two days before my birthday. And this wasn’t just any regular “WE WERE ON A BREAK,” break. This was the kind of break where we were going to focus on ourselves, and appreciate/miss what we loved about one another. But then, social media & word of mouth tends to get around and I hear that you’re hanging out with another girl. I see that you’ve taken a girl out on a date. A date? Are you wondering why ‘date’ is such a foreign concept to me? Because you never took me on them. You always used excuses like you not having any time, or you being too tired, you being uncomfortable when it’s just two people & that you rather a group or us living too far away from each other (it was a 35 minute drive, not a 10 hour plane ride for crying out loud). You used all the excuses in the book, but I let it go; why? Because I love you. I didn’t love you for the dates. I didn’t love you for anything else; my mistake was loving you for you.

Then I find out that the other girl? Ha, she’s your ex-girlfriend. And not just any ex-girlfriend. It’s the one that left you all fucked up. The one you dated all throughout your high school life, the one that just broke up with you for no apparent reason. That’s the one that ruined you. That tainted your view on love, and left you emotionless. I picked up the pieces. I tried to put the puzzle back together. I tried to get your emotions back & I did. For a brief moment, I did. I got all of that out of you & more, but the moment she came back into your life –just a mere six months of us dating, you started changing. But that’s not the point of the story.

The point of the story is you hanging out with your ex-girlfriend. Going out on dates with her. Doing things with her, you never WANTED to do with me. This is where I call you a cheating bastard, but I won’t because we aren’t together. This is the part where I call you a liar. A liar for not telling me the truth. A liar for denying it and saying “she’s just a friend,” when you couldn’t even admit that it was your ex-girlfriend. Don’t you owe me that much? I deserve that & so much more.

I would have left you alone if you said you wanted to date/see other people. I would have left you alone if you told me you wanted to not be with me. I would have left you alone.

I would have spared myself all the white hair I’ve grown in the last week. I would have spared myself a little bit of the heartbreak and would have jump started my healing journey. But no. You’re a piece of shit who can’t own up to his actions. You just want me there, waiting for you while I look like the biggest idiot when all the answers are there in front of me. You’re ridiculous. You truly are ridiculous.

& the fact that you cannot see how much I’m worth and you owe me at least a confession of your sins, that’s what hurts the most. That you deem me not worthy enough for you to tell me the truth.

One day, you will realize. You will realize how much I love you and how much I could’ve given to you. You will realize that I was the one who got away, and as the tears fall from my face, you will realize just how much you hurt me.

You made me realize to stay away from these relationships and that God is always first, not my feelings or desires. I have other things in life to work on like myself, I want to be independent first, I don’t want to rely on someone for my happiness because it’ll be temporary. I have to rely on myself and achieve my goals. Once these are completed I will open myself up to the one when the time is right. Also Thank you for teaching me that being in a relationship is hard work, you made me notice I’m not ready for that responsibility. Thank you once again.

You came into my life at my worst and made me so much better. I can’t thank you enough for that. We grew togheter. We really did. I watched you grow into a real man.
The way you ended it.. Telling me the only reason for our break up was the age gap of 5 years. And that I should be “living my life”. Or “be with someone who has more time”. Since you work all the time, which did not bother me at all.
It is just so weird to me. I wish you could tell me what is really going on.. Those tears you shed, why..
I’m thinking that you will come back, in a month or less. But how will I take you back, knowing how easy you risked loosing me. One who truly loves doesnt risk it..

At the other hand, if you don’t come back I don’t know how to continue without my best friend.. I guess I will get over it with time..

You say that your actions don’t count as cheating, and maybe they don’t, there are too many grey areas with social media and phones involved, but it sure still hurts a whole lot. I can’t begin to fathom the pain that other girls go through, when the situation is much worse. I know I decided to stay with you but at the same time I’m trying to let go of all the pain you caused me, I really do want to forgive you and build myself up but I find that all that pain I’m trying to push away is tied up so intimately with you. I’m finding it difficult to separate the pain from you, so by trying to distance myself from the pain, I push myself away from you too. You’re not technically my ex but not quite my partner anymore…

I am in a very similar situation with my finace. We are suppose to get married in October. I don’t know if I can get over the hurt that I fell right now and marry him in a few months. There are no words that I can use to describe how upset and disappointed I feel in him. How can one move past it?

We will meet again one day.. We can’t avoid each other forever. And if we don’t meet 5years from now I will call you just to ask if you ended up with that chocolate girl or i won’t maybe 5hears from now you won’t cross my mind anymore. Or you won’t mean shit anymore.
And if you do end with a strawberry girl which I doubt.. She will never be me.. Me and her might both be strawberry girls but that’s all we will have in common. No girl will love you as unconditionally as I did. Good luck 😉

The thing is, I don’t hate you. I just really don’t. You were always respectful, gentle and kind to me. It just wasn’t the right timing and we were probably not a good match. I’m not blaming either of us.

I used to think you were all I ever wanted and that I would find my way back to you or you would find your way back to me. I know now that it’s not going to happen and I’m patiently waiting for my Mr Right to fill the void. I hope Mrs Right crosses your path soon too.

What bothers me, however, is that you’re still on my mind. A year later. I keep wanting to send you messages but I know you probably won’t reply to them (or receive them). I just thank God that we live in different countries now and I probably won’t ever see you again.

I wish you all the best, just like you did for me when we parted ways. And secretly, I’m still waiting for a message from you to let me know how you’re doing.

What happened to us? What happened to every thing we had we went through? Was it that easy to just end things? Why is it that everytime I see you, you still give me the look I once fell for. We were the couple everyone talked about, but now what everyone talks about is how you’re dating someone with the same name as me just to get over me. I feel it, I see it in your eyes. Feelings don’t just go away. I know that. I know I broke your heart and I’m sorry it took me so long to make up my mind. I believe in karma now because everything I put you through I’m going through it now. I don’t know why all this happened and what god wanted but all of it happened. I wrote you something before everything ended but never gave it to you, so here it is:
I don’t want this to be sad but I wanna start it with an apology. I’m sorry if I didn’t put any effort to see you when you came back from your trip a few months ago or hurting you when you know I didn’t want to all. I’m sorry I took so long to decide what I wanted. Honestly, I think you were what I wanted the whole time, but I just wasn’t sure of it. I told you before I’m scared of people leaving me. I’m scared of getting attached to someone and them just leaving me. Because once I’m attached, I’m in it with my whole heart. But then it’s not all that. with me being committed and dependable, I can be protective, crazy, jealous, clingy, annoying, and emotional. To the point where even if you push me away I’ll come right back, if you drive me crazy I can’t stay mad at you, I’ll forgive you if you make a mistake over and over again. And believe me that’s nothing that can end easily but when I’m done, it’s done. Something every guy I have ever talked to told me was that I always have my guard up and that’s because I just don’t like giving someone my heart and opening up to them when I’m not 100% sure of him. For me when I like someone fast, it goes away fast too. With you though it wasn’t like that. There was a time when I thought there’s no way I will ever like him. But now I’m here and I’m in it with all of my heart. I understand that your feelings aren’t the same as before. That time when we were talking and you told me that you changed your mind and you don’t think me and you will ever be together, it reminded me of myself when I first met you. It made me think of how I changed and how you changed. Even when I didn’t have any feelings for you, I always enjoyed your presence so much, it feels really good when you’re around and it makes me feel safe and happy. Also you’re the only person I don’t get tired of. Something else was how much I trusted you. I trusted you so much, I trusted you with my heart and I never thought you’d break it or hurt me at all. I’m not saying you did and I know they were never your intentions but well it happened. Even though we weren’t together or even talking then but that day when you were talking and you started with “someone came in to my life” I felt my heart breaking into 1000 pieces. We weren’t dating but so what? It hurt. I actually had feelings for you and just because we’re not together, I can’t just turn off my feelings like that. Usually when my feelings get hurt over someone, I decide to just get over them and I can always get over them very fast, because they’re too many guys waiting so it makes getting over someone really easy for me and I put my mind to it, but with you I don’t even want to go there because It’s you, and I want a lot more with you. (NOT ANYONE ELSE)
I wake up and you’re the first thing I want, and I don’t mean that as in I want you and all your happy times, all the good things in you and in your life, yes I want those too but I also want the crazy bad things too, I know how you are, you don’t talk to people when you’re mad, you don’t tell people about your problems, but I want it to be different with me. I want to be the person you want to call and tell them when something happens, when you just need someone to talk to or to just be there and sit with you and not even talk about it. I want everything that comes with you. And I’m not someone who gives up easily and I care way too much to let go as quickly as others can, and when I want something I will get it. Maybe not right away, but I will get it. So, know that I’m not going anywhere and I’ll do whatever I can to get you to be how you were like before. Harchi bashe I’m still the same person and I haven’t changed. You know sometimes it’s like you try to be an asshole, to be heartless, and not care and you keep thinking about the bad things that happened between us, because of that you don’t even let yourself think of good things and see how much I care about you and where this can go. The heartless guy you want to be is not you and will never be you. During the time we didn’t talk, I know you think I stopped caring about everything but I really didn’t. I tried but I couldn’t do it.
When you look at me I just want the whole world to stop. I love that you can just look at me without even saying a word and I’ll be happy and the other way around. (That’s why I’m always staring at you hehe.)
Even one minute after we see each other I miss you , I don’t know how I’m gonna not see you for so long when you go on your trip , I really hope we still have those facetime sessions like before . But what is all this distance when you’re always on my mind and in my heart. But still I want you with me, in my arms. I feel like no matter how much time I spend with you, it’s never enough. I miss our 10 hours long facetime calls, I miss talking about random stuff and most importantly I miss how we were before. I don’t know if you miss it too but I hope you do.
Something I think of a lot is when you told me “whatever happens now between us I know there will be a day when you’ll be mine” also something else I think about and I think you should too, is would you be happy to live the rest of your life thinking what your life could have been like with me? I think that’s why I’m trying so hard, even if nothing happens between us I don’t ever wanna think that I didn’t try enough. I wanna know I did everything I could but maybe it didn’t workout.
I’m gonna end this now but I want you to promise me something. Don’t ever forget how much I care about you. It’s unconditional.

How and why???
I was so happy with life. I wasn’t just surviving, I was living! I was confident and I showed that confidence. I was innocent. Maybe I was naive, but nonetheless I was happy.

How and why did you take it away? You played your game because you wanted something! Did you even for a second think about what the other person would be losing?

I was so genuine with you. So real and honest. My emotions were shown in my eyes as you’d say. Why did you play your game?

You didn’t want me. But you wanted me to want you. So I started playing. I grew smarter. I kept my emotions in control. I pretended not to care. I let the light from my eyes slip away without noticing. Just a small hint that you were reciprocating to what I threw at you have me the biggest ego boost. I didn’t say it, but I became completely reliant on you emotionally.

Before I knew it, you threw a curve ball. Gave me a sign that you might want more. But I was too far along the game…. too close to the finish line…. I wanted you to be at your knees that I let that chance slip away. I lost not because I liked you, but because of what you made me become.

The truth was …. from the beginning I wanted you just as a friend and slowly more. But I had a to play your game to keep you entertained. I couldn’t lose what I had worked do so hard for.

But as I said, I was still as naive. Inexperienced with the ways of love. I didn’t know that to get respect, you have to respect yourself. I thought that if the world respected me and I let my guard down around you, it would be fine.

I still think about you at night, when I’m alone and horny. Just know that that’s the only time. It’s cz you were my first kiss. I wanted you to be my one kiss. But to make you lure into me, to make you want me, I had many more kisses before you came back to me.

I had to lay in beds with other guys to forget you. I did it on my own but a part of me blames You! How could I have been that stupid? But on a side, I would have never known how small your dick (that your so proud of) was unless i did. Out of all the guys I lay with and didn’t let anything happen with had a bigger dick than you. Like 3 in…. hard…..really?

Because of you I learned how to kiss, how to please a person emotionally and physically. I didn’t want these things with anyone else. But you came back when I was unavailable. So I had to keep up the pretense that I was continuously unavailable.

I will never let you know that I have emotions because I don’t want you to see me weak. All I wanted was to lay with you in silence or talking or watching a movie or whatever. All I wanted was a few hours of your week.

But now I know why all girls are so mean and demanding all tge time. Because unless they are not, the guy doesn’t feel like he deserves them. So it’s wrong to be too nice and it’s wrong to be too mean.

With you I couldn’t be anything anyway so I’m going to stop trying to be anything and be myself again. That happy confident beautiful and shining self that I was. That shine that attracted You? Yes that one! Like last time, I would shine because of myself and for myself. Once again, I plan to do the same.

Just know I will never ever be crumpled by this. I am strong and indecent and most of all, I am loved and that love will drive me to the happiness that I once had and the one I deserve without You!

So thank you for this life experience. Thank you for taking my first kiss, my first time, my first heartbreak. But I don’t want to think about it anymore. I’m blocking you. Im deleting you. I’m removing you from my life, my head, and most importantly my phone. I’m done. You are the best mistake I’ve ever Made. And I don’t plan to ever make it again!

It was 01:00 am and I was just walking and walking not knowing where to go.. I was supposed to go home but god I couldn’t I felt like coming to you like calling you like hanging out with you! I felt like doing a mistake .. But I didn’t cause I knew I was strong enough to just go home.. I knew I was strong.. I know I am strong and I proved it to myself I used to give up to break down to call you but this time I didn’t I just went home and I am so proud of myself.. I can do this! I ain’t weak like you said I am strong.

U told me the reason why U dumped me was because I was too attach to U and U didn’t feel the same feelings.
But you explained the real reason to others people. I’m pretty sure now you’re thinking u can find better, listen U where too short for me literally and figuratively! U like to say that U R a good men & honest : guess what .. U R just a typical C****** ! Stop thinking U R better than me, I put my life into God’s hands !

Hey! I saw you yesterday on my way home I was with my dad .. I saw you walking down the street fixing your clothes with one hand and holding some food in the other hand .. I almost screamed your name I almost told my dad to stop the car.. But at the same time I didn’t want you to see me not yet .. You are not ready to see me and I ain’t ready for you to see me .. I do hope that one day we will just bump into each other and I will just walk by not even noticing you as if you are a total stranger while you will walk by staring at me and at all the confidence I will have .. I will be different.. I already know that I am starting to be different! I am healing.. Look when I saw you just yesterday it felt like everything yet nothing at the same time .. And i didn’t cry and slept well so I know I felt more nothing than everything..
I know you wonder if I still love you.. So do I .. But I ain’t ready to think about now cause I have locked that door I mean I just stoped processing feelings I have just put myself in some kind of denial bubble for a while so just let me stay there a little more then we will talk about love ..

Sometimes I really think to myself how I could stoop down so low to crush my self respect over and over again to be speaking to you after everything. How could I really expect something different when everything was right in front of me? Why did I keep running back to you when I knew the only thing you gave me was pain and tears. I was never an emotional person but how did you manage to make the broken heartless girl such a emotional wreck? I was broken yes but I managed to control my emotions not the way I am doing right now. I know I use alcohol as a escape from reality and this was the sole reason that broke us. I am not in denial about what happened I just wish we met at a different time. People say that a breakup will be a girls turning point in life and will be one of the hardest things they could go through and I would not disagree for a moment. I have gone through a lot but this pain hurts the most and to be honest it keeps hurting. It is because I not let go and moved on but I think now is the time to finally let go. I feel like I am running away by moving different countries but this is the only way I can finally start a new life without my memories of you haunting me everywhere I go. You were always there for me in such a humble way when we were together. It really surprised me how someone could make me feel happy, angry, sad, and excited in so many different ways. I was going through the hardest time in my life but I can say when you left it got even more difficult for me to live my life. I tried to walk around with a smile on my face to everyone and make it seem like I was okay but I wasn’t. I wrote you messages, emails and called you way too many times to express my feelings to you but I know it didn’t mean anything. It just pushed you away further. I pushed you to the point of no return and maybe that was just what was meant to be. I know I hurt you a lot and I could have avoided the ending of us but you know what I didn’t stop. I kept going and pushing your buttons day by day to not realize that you had enough. You weren’t happy towards the end of the relationship and I was selfish not to see it. I didn’t make any effort but it was the way I grieved and I don’t regret any of it. If I didn’t get my heart broken I would never realize what it takes to be a proper girlfriend in a relationship. I haven’t been in a serious relationship after you but I know what mistakes I made to make sure that my next relationship won’t end like ours did. I had to go through it to realize that you need to make sacrifices for that one person who is worth changing for. You know you really make me feel so many different emotions whenever I see you. I am happy that I see you but I am also angry and upset that you have changed and turned into someone who I will never be with. It makes me angry knowing that you have so little self-respect for me now. I know I didn’t give you a reason to respect me because I haven’t been respecting myself since we broke up. When we were together you did so many things to make me smile and all I ever wanted after you left was to make you feel that way again. There were so many places that I dreamt of us being together at whenever I would go with friends and I would think of you every time. I kept thinking that maybe one day things would be different. I kept thinking that one day you would just wake up and give me another chance. Did I give you a reason to do so? No I know I didn’t and I do apologize for not giving you the space you needed. I guess you can look at it this relationship as a experience for you as well. Don’t worry you will love someone more than me and that person will love you more than I could ever love you during the time we were together. I hope you find someone who respects you and treats you like the princess you treated me. I have written so many of these long messages to you but as I get closer to the day that I leave I just want to let my feelings out even though I have said all of this again and again. I wanted to leave on a good note but I guess after what happened that night it will be quite hard to do so. I thought seeing you would help give me closure but I don’t think I will ever get the closure I truly want. I want to hear things from you that you will never say so its best I send this last message to you. I know I will be fine and I know we will both be happy with other people in the near future inshallah. I hope we can both speak after months or years and forget the bad memories. You will always be someone I will always remember. You are the only person I truly loved and I know I didn’t show you that when we were together and I tried to show you the toxic part of love after we broke up. We are toxic for each other and we will never be together. I can never be good enough for your standards and you will never be able to respect me ever again after our past. I hate to say goodbye but it has to be done. There is no point to speak or check up on each other because it will only hurt me and bring me back to a place that I don’t want to be at.. for now atleast. You have changed so much that I am running after a stranger not the person I “loved”. I don’t know if I love you anymore even though I say I do because that person is long gone. Maybe he is hidden down deep inside which is who I was trying to bring back but he is dead for me. As much as I want to hold on to our memories I have to let go. I thought I was fine and finally getting back on track but one bad thing led to another and now I am in this dark place which will soon be filled with light once I go back home. I need my family right now. I am going home and as much as I don’t want to leave because I still had hope for us in the future I have accepted finally that nothing will ever happened. I need to move on now because I am loosing out on someone who can make me happy. There might have been someone that I didn’t give a chance to because I was so stuck up on you and I can’t do that anymore. I need to give other guys chances and I need to let go and be happy with myself without even having the thought of you in my head.My heart hurts as I am writing this and it always hurt as much as it does while I write these messages. I am not crying though and weirdly enough I am content and confident that this will be my last message to you.

I’ve written here twice, now this being my third and I always come back after time has passed to reread my mini letters. I want to say I’m very proud of myself, so this is the letter of a woman who has regained her happiness and is open to the wonders of life
Dear Ex,
Looks like I can get you off my mind, and today was the day I finally realized I DON’T LOVE YOU ANYMORE. Yes I said it. I don’t. Although I don’t regret our relationship, I will this experience to my benefit because of this heartbreak I have found myself. As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, I can confidently say I know who I am. Before I never really knew myself which was always a scary feeling because I always felt the person who knew me more than I knew myself was you. But, that has changed. Now I know more about myself than ever and I hope one day in the far, far, far, future we meet again and the person you see won’t be the same person you knew. It’ll be a better version, and if you tried to stir up conversation with things I used to like or things I used to do, that won’t be apart of me anymore and I hope you realize you don’t have the control over me anymore. I don’t want to vengeful and stoop to your level and find ways to break your heart the way you did to me, but I can only hope karma bites back. It may be selfish to say but I am SO proud of the person I am because I have regained the part of me that loves to venture parks even though they might look sketchy af, or the part of me that walks and reads, or the part of me who listens to music thinking the happiest thoughts because she’s filled with joy for no particular reason. I am that girl now and I’ll learn to cherish those parts of me and continue to love me.

It’s been a year and a half and I’m still here crying and hoping that one day everything will be like it used to. I wish you could be a little bit less heartless and try to understand my feelings. I know you’ve moved on and it’s only “sex” for you whenever we do meet. I hate putting myself down so low to just be that booty call for you but it’s the only time we actually ever meet. It kills me every time knowing that I am just being used. You said it right sex is just sex but it means a lot more to me. I never thought I would be able to love someone who could treat me with such little respect. I know I messed up when we were together but it was the way I grieved. I hated myself for it and I’m regretting it every day. I hate crying day and night thinking and hoping that one day everything will fall back in place. After seeing you yesterday I realized that will never happen. Maybe I realized it a while ago but it really hit me that we can never be happy together again. I am sorry for everything I am sorry for not giving you the space you needed still constantly messaging you and being there when I should have just moved on. I just miss sleeping next to you and having you hold me and telling me that everything will be okay. It wasn’t okay because you left. I don’t know how someone can still feel so hurt after so much time. I keep blaming myself for it but I’m not the only one at fault. I am crying as I am writing this and the pain is still as strong as it was the day you left. You were the only one there for me and I keep seeking it in you even after you left. I am moving and I think this is when the chapter will finally end. I don’t want you to check up on me to see if I’m doing okay. Just stay out of my life and please just don’t contact me again no matter how many times I will try. I’ve asked this from you a million times yet you still come back. You say you might still be attached to me but it’s only hurting me more. I don’t want to feel hurt anymore and maybe I’m just running away from all this like I did in the past but I think it’s the only way I can really move on with my life. I keep wanting closure from you but I won’t ever get it. I won’t ever get closure because the chapter of us ended so long ago there’s nothing left to say that hasn’t been said already. I don’t know what got into me yesterday but you are my downfall. You are the one who brings me down and we both won’t ever be able to be happy together again. I don’t know why I always end up trying to speak and be friends because that will never happen. We can never be friends because of the history that we went through. This might just be another emotional message from me that you can add to your collections but this is my last. I don’t want to tell you when I leave in the next few days I thought I would say a proper goodbye but I didn’t realize that seeing you and having sex with you would only bring me further back on my progress in moving on. I never really moved on as you can see but I was trying to just get everything together for once. I wanted to just be on good terms because I thought there would be hope in the future even though I kept denying it. I hate that about myself it disgusts me knowing that I still have hope. Why? There’s no feelings from your side except hatred and disgust. Why even have sex? If you ever loved me then you would know this is only hurting me more and more when you message the way you do. Why don’t you just delete everything? Why can’t you just delete it if you are truly over me? If you hated me as much as you make it seem then why even speak to me and keep the pictures. Why do you give me misleading messages and then say we can’t ever be together? I never thought you would be that low to keep intentionally hurting and messing with my feelings. You do understand I’m broken right? I won’t be broken for long and there will be a day where I will look back at this and just smile knowing I was so foolish for wasting a year and a half of my life on someone who didn’t give a shit.

You’ll never see this or know how hard this has been for me. You assumed that I was yet another heartless girl who would move on right after not giving you a fair chance. Despite the fact that I stood by you when NO ONE else did, you thought I was just like the rest.

Two weeks after we ended, I found out you were already trying to move on with dating websites and other methods of finding a replacement for me. I feel so naive. It’s been a month now and I cannot so much as look at another man. You are still in my heart. And despite your MANY flaws and issues, I love you. But I also love me enough to know you’re no good for me. If you were, you would have at least tried to work on yourself so we could have a chance.

So go on. Go ahead and move on to yet another girl. I really hope it works out this time. I loved you so much that I was willing to ignore all your faults and your occasional disrespect. If you find a girl who can tolerate half of what I did, then you’ve got yourself a keeper. As much as I am hurt, I wish you the best with all my heart. I guess this is how our story had to end. I hope we both find our happiness inshAllah.

Happy birthday… I miss you a little Boe that i am home.. Everything reminds me of you.. And it’s your birthday today I was planing to buy you something but we don’t speak anymore I still stupidly feel like it’s sad even tho I haven’t really lost much .. I mean God you were precious to me but you didn’t respect me I had to let go.. You forced me to let go.. But hey best friend I miss being around you I had plans for your birthday! But that’s life I guess.. God I just hope I will get trough this day whiteout texting you.. I have to get used to your absence.. I am strong and I deserve better!

It’s been almost 10 months since u walked out. I know it’s been long. But I was so hurt and numb when u left. I didn’t have a chance to process what happened. It’s like you just woke up the next morning and decided “I’m done with her, who can I tap next”. It’s been almost a year. But I just looked at myself in the mirror and I realised I’ve had to go through the worst ten months of my life. I don’t recognise the fierce spirit I always saw shining in my eyes. I don’t smile anymore. I’m so bitter. And you know what, I hate it SO much. God, I wish I could hurt u as half as you hurt me. I lost myself after u. When u phoned and cried and told me you have to end it, my breath was ripped from me. I didn’t know whether to hate you or to feel sorry for myself. Now that I look at myself properly I’ve become a shell of the person I was. I’ve lost myself in the grief and tried to eat away the pain. And to be honest, this is on you. This is what your measly phone break up did to me. I’ll never truly know what happened to cause this. But I know that part of the reason was a lack of communication from both our sides. But with you going alone to the movies with a woman I knew wanted you to you listening to her put poison in your ears about me, had ruined me. Made me insecure, even though we damn well were together a year before that woman decided she wanted a piece of you too. You broke me. Your saccharine promises killed me in the end. You walked away unscathed with all your new women friends on your arm. You left me in despair. And yes, it’s been 10 months. I still think about you and I wonder if you’ve moved on. Sometimes I pray for you. But other times, I pray you never have a woman half as strong and passionate as me. You don’t deserve it. You will hurt her. Like you ruined me. I know I’m bound to see you again in the future but I don’t ever think I will make as big a mistake as giving you my all. I lost focus of my career and my goals because of you and that is on me. But thank you, for hurting me for showing me I’m strong, I’m resilient and NO MAN is going to ever hurt me the way you did. I’m only beginning to acknowledge the dark endless pit of hopelessness you threw me into. I can’t even look myself in the mirror and firmly say I love me. Because I have a long road to recovery. But I have to start somewhere and letting go of these thoughts of resentment is the beginning of the end of this weak woman I can’t hold up anymore. It’s time for me to say fuck you very much and I deserved better.

I don’t really know how I feel about you or how I should feel.. I don’t want to know I don’t want to think about you anymore I have had enough.. You made my life feel like hell then said I was too depressive but who do you think depresses me?? You do! I can’t be me around you! I feel the need to be someone else! Haven’t you noticed I am always shaking around you!
I feel i have to share parts of me I don’t want to or don’t feel ready sharing with you! All of that to keep you from leaving all of that cause I love you.. Or at least I did.. I don’t know now I don’t want to know.. I don’t want to process anything I just want to live my life the one you took from me! God I was so much more pure and innocent and happy 2 years ago! I didn’t have enough love for myself nor enough confidence and you took advantage of it! Trust me that says a lot about who you are! I cherished you with your weaknesses I helped you grow stronger you just used and abused me in so many different ways..
You were such a different person in the beginning! So sweet so nice so selfless so supportive so caring!! Then I got you comfortable and you just lost all the respect! God I hate myself for that… I let you think that I am weak when indeed I could have crushed you! But I didn’t I won’t I know what pains your heart I could just use it to crush you but that’s so mean so heartless that’s something you would do not me! You turned out to be so selfish!! So harsh! So merciless!! God …
Just wait 5 years from now you will see I was right! You will understand! And even if you don’t understand i will see that i was right! I know I am cause a guy like you don’t the deserve a girl like me.

.. you dont deserve a dear . Hello. Hi … you dont deserve respect from me ! … three years ago i was a person full of life and had a soul .. the smile never left my face! .. today and because of you i am a person that has no soul! I dont know what happiness is anymore .. and im just hopless with no goals and no friends no one!!!… during these three years i stood by you each step of the way , encouraged you and never made you feel that you are alone .. i put my life on hold because i was too busy makin urz better .. and i had to stand your false accusation and sick thoughts! And after three years you turned out to be a stupid stupid stupid ugly soul .. i dont know if i love u or hate u anymore .. thanks to you you ugly soul.. my life is full of mixed emotions and complications !!! … may ur life be as sad as u made me feel !

To start I want to say you don’t tell me I am weak cause I am not! I am strong you are weak.. I despite all the pain never stopped being who I am never stopped being caring warm and loving! You as you said stopped being that nice cause people used and abused you .. Well you are the one who gave up on who he truly is because of the way people treated him because of the pain they gave to him.. I didn’t! I am strong whatever you might think about it I am still strong it is enough for me even if I am the only one who believes it! The truth is maybe you are strong too in your own eyes and in your own way and that’s all that matters even tho you aren’t in mine.. We don’t get to judge if others are strong when we haven’t fought there battles! Even whit you after all the pain of the past I let go and was still caring and loving and the trust didn’t change.. I can do that I can forgive and love as if nothing ever happened as if I never got burned can you?? So don’t you tell me I am weak! I need someone to keep going?? Actually yeah I do! I need someone that doesn’t tell me I am weak and weird and incapable someone that understands why I stopped going to school twice you know someone that advice me nicely not harshly! Someone that doesn’t criticise me and then tell me I don’t accept him as he is when I do! I am sorry I told you that you were mean I am sorry I was mean to you! I am sorry I got a little weak.. I should have stayed strong and nice! But don’t we all break down sometime even the strong ones!
Oh and yes I do not control my depressed moods actually if you read about how the thyroid gland that regulates hormones can affect you and be a factor for depression you would understand!
Maybe if i stay in your life and in a loose relationship you will one day wake up and say that you want commitment maybe you will wake up and hit me with that ” we can’t be I won’t ever love you” like you always do and then disappear.. So many maybes.. If you are worth it? Yes you are! You are worth the risk.. But I am worth it too so ain’t gonna put myself trough this! I ain’t! You are always here for me that is 100% true like no doubt about that and I thank you for that really! But you don’t understand my soul.. You don’t understand the human soul not even your own! You are so toxic .. And I ain’t putting my soul trough that either temporary or not! I ain’t doing that so I can one day wake up to you leaving when I know that I can’t deal with that I can’t take people leaving I can’t I am tired of it!
I might end up happy but I also might end up miserable! You know if I am not enough for you that’s not my problem.. I mean it was or I thought it was I tried to change myself I used pathetic methods to keep you from leaving I gave you everything! I even lost all my self respect! I was never enough for you! But I am for me okay?? I am enough I don’t need to keep on giving you more and more to keep you! Like you said if you want to leave than leave!
Maybe we just can’t be we are just opposites you are selfish and I am selfless.. Everyone might not be worth my love but I am worth emanating love! Where there is no love there is no life for me and that’s just me and I won’t change it.. As you are cold and that’s just you.. Or what you let people make of you cause no one is born cold no one.. But I did accept you I put up with all your moods warm cold annoying sweet all of them really! You know I accepted you.. But what I don’t accept is the way you talk to me that lack of respect sometimes is not acceptable! I know I didn’t say anything about it in the beginning and that it is my fault you treat me like that cause I should have put some limits and i should have respected myself enough to walk away a long time ago!
And no I don’t hate you I just hate the fact that you see me as weak and miserable and desperate cause I trusted you with my brokenness!! Honestly fuck you! How can someone be so heartless how could you just use my weaknesses against me after hugging me and showing me you understood! Everything was a lie you didn’t understand you just had pity for me and I don’t need anyone’s pity! I ain’t weak I am just me!

Here’s a poem for you. One I’ll never show anyone.
“The truth is
I felt my skin rip itself open
to welcome you
I can feel the pain
of love smiling back at me.”

I will never regret you. I guess it could’ve ended better. But the world tore us apart, and I learned that in the end, the world always wins. Maybe it’ll be different the next time around. For now, thank you for being my first heartbreak. For teaching me how to love.
This is my goodbye, and I don’t know what it’s doing here in this comment section but I hope you see it in a different time, when we’re both happy and moved on.

i know you made no promises to stay. It meant nothing at the beginning. But as time went by, my feelings for you got stronger. I spent a year dreading and watching myself fall in love with you even though I knew how it would end. I couldn’t even tell you how I felt because of the fear of you running away. I invested a year trying to create memories and celebrating the smallest things; all in the hope that it would make you see more of me. kept hoping you can see my heart and what it contains. You rarely made time for me but I didn’t complain. You rarely responded to my messages , but I let it go. All because, where there’s love there’s no room for an ego. I don’t know when it started to go quiet; when you decided to leave. How you’re so indifferent even though you see me everyday. How you don’t feel the way I feel. I can still hear your laugh when I close my eyes . I miss you so much it hurts. What hurts more is how you feel nothing. I’m left with the pieces of my broken heart desperately trying to put it together; wondering how I can do it. I messaged you to wish you well on your new job and your new ventures. Your responses were so generic , as though I was nothing more than an acquaintance that came in handy when you wanted to destress . It’s hard knowing that’s all I was.

I remember when you told me there were a lot of people that wanted to see you on your birthday. I responded by saying that a lot of people love you. You asked me ‘do you?’ . I didn’t respond because I thought it was a question by- the – by. I should have told you then that I’m crazy about you. I only want to see you happy because I know you haven’t had it easy. You have a lot of love to give, just not to me. I hope that you find true love , and in that true love maybe you’ll find a memory of me.

You started off by ignoring me and when I stop trying you u want to txt me I’m sick of your bullshit I can’t cope with any of this u always do this make me feel as though Ivevery fone something wrong. Part of me is dying inside to talk to you but the other part is telling me to stay away and think about what’s happend

Dear ex,
A good friend of mine had my back and decided it was right to tell me that you supposedly moved on and now have a new girlfriend. I’m grateful for this one friend because she knew even though this information would hurt me even more, it would hurt me in a way where it would be easier to heal. Ever since we broke up, I had a suspicion about the girl you are currently with. I have bad habits and didn’t block you on instagram and I would look through all the comments under your pictures. I know it’s bad, but there was this one girl who was commenting a little bit TOO much, and that day I had my suspicions. It turns out my institution was correct and your new girlfriend is that girl I had suspected. Good for you. My friend tried to reassure me that I’m the better girl even making jokes because the new gf has a very similar name to mine which is no shocker and plus her instagram name is almost identical to mine which makes me even more mad. I don’t want to hate this girl because I don’t know her, so I do wish her the best of luck in her new relationship. My friend tried to trash talk this girl and make me hate her but I’m not made like that. I have to admit she’s beautiful, but I know I’m no less beautiful than her. My only fault is not being readily available and distant. I never wanted to block your instagram, but after finding out that you “moved” on, I realized there’s no place for me anymore just as there is no place for you anymore in my heart. I never wanted to resort to that because I’ve thought of myself as someone who forgives and forgets but I have admit to myself that I won’t be able to move on if I were to constantly see his face and have him remind me of the good times. I still have to delete our photos and old sweet remarks you made about me when your eyes were filled with passionate love, but soon enough I will bring myself to do this difficult task. Today is not that day. Before I blocked you on instagram at 2 in the morning, I sat down in my kitchen saying my final goodbyes to your photographs. Recalling every single memory that has happened between us in the span of the 10 years we have known each other, I did this with tears rolling down my face, but it felt good to let everything out since I haven’t shed a tear in awhile. I have told myself that it would take a LONG time for me to be able to find love or even attempt to find it, but I’m okay with that. One day I hope the most unexpected guy runs into my life at the most unexpected time because most things in my life are spontaneous. I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason, so when we broke up after the second time, it was for a reason. I hope I can see the logic behind that reason very soon.

How petty it is that i write you a text on your phone and then few days later come to know that you are out of country and hasn’t even seen my text. I often think why it all came to this end. I realize it wasn’t your fault completely, i was imperfect too. you know this one year post out breakup knowing that in two days it will mark exactly one year since we broke up. I still remember that first day you came to see me. that first gaze, that first smile on your face, I remember that shine one could see in our eyes when we both saw eachother. We came miles apart from eachother but we kept it all going. I was insecure, i lost my faith on everything. i lost myself. If you think i didn’t feel hurt you are wrong. i have realized that if i thought you were senseless i was wrong. I know you were hurting too, you opened up to me with all your heart, when tears fall from my eyes i know that somehow somewhere you remember me and maybe miss me too. I still can not figure out what is it left between us that reminds me of you. I see you in my dreams and it is becoming disturbing now. Do i still love you? i hope i forget this one day and move on with my life. I still can’t believe you told my best friend that i will never be able to move on because you broke me so bad. Yes you did break me so bad but it opened me up to myself. I discovered the scared little broken heart of me which i have been pretending to be very strong and unbreakable. I know that i am fragile and very vulnerable but I am accepting myself as i am. your absence has made me see things i could never see about myself before. This is me my love, I promise i will love myself before i love anyone else. I promise you that even though i am broken i will embrace this me so one day i will become the real best of me. i promise you that one day if our fate make us face eachother i will be able to hug you and thank you with my smile (which has been your fav) for everything you did to me. For how you let me embrace the broken me and led me to this fabulous me i will become one day. Know that i will always love you for i will love myself. Dear Ex, I will remember us like a beautiful dream i saw and will keep in my memories. and someday with passage of time i might forget this memory and won’t feel anything about it. I miss you, I miss us but we have grown so apart that i know we will never be able to be like we used to be 3 years ago. I wish you the best and i wish the bestest to myself. This dark time shall pass too and i know that God will help me get through this too.
Lots of Love…….

Dear ex,
I left that house and with it I left a part of myself, a part I am glad to have left. What you did broke me, it teared me apart and made me go to the lowest point of my life. Cheating on me while away for a weekend with a threesome was TOO much. But now after I while I have started to see things for what they were. You were abusive, mean and selfish. I’m glad I’m not with you anymore. I am very happy now, althought naturally given the time frame I still think of you, almost everyday, I still wonder what you are doing, who you are doing. But don’t worry with time, you will become only a memory and a lesson of what I do not want in a person so thank you for making me see who I really am and what I can become.

You know it doesn’t hurt what you did to me! What hurts is how could i allow so much to be done to me! I gave you my heart my most sacred possession, I miss me! I loved you, you were my everything, you still are but I was nothing to you 😭 I m sad I m hurt, you did this to me and I can never forgive you for this… I have a love and hate relationship with you and myself!

To ex!
You were married I was falling in love with you. I blame myself for a lot, but the day you cheated on me just like you cheated on your wife was the day I had contacted your wife out of shame to say sorry for everything that had happened to her. Her divorce with the man I wanted to spend my life with, but God had other plans for me. The day I saw the other girl in your house literally killed me inside. I never knew you could ever do that to me. The day you had a party at your house and didn’t invite me was the day I had a gutt feeling something was wrong it was because you had met a girl that night. The next day I came over you got a call that confirmed all my fears. Yes you told me you were talking to someone I should’ve left that day but I stayed and kept trying. After almost a year now I realize that I tried and humiliated myself for no reason. Because no man who loves another woman would do that to her. Therefore you never loved me. You had multiple girls durring your 30 yrs of life. Your ex wife had put my heart at ease by telling me it wasn’t my fault as you were emotionally and physically abbusive. As I agreed with her not to her face but in my heart I knew she was telling me the truth because you had dealt me the same way. It only hurts a ton because I never let anyone touch me and I had allowed you to enter my life and you left like I was nothing without carrying. I know God has my back and I know karma will bite your ass I just hope to see it with my own eyes. I do wish you the best but want to see you suffer the way I suffered a heart break. You moved on so quickly to another girl and made it seem like it was my fault when I had started talking to another guy and had put it all on me. But in reality you already had her moved in your house within a month. I am just calmer now knowing you weren’t good for me. You took my virginity that’s why I know it will take a long time to forget you!

I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve spent weeks trying to suppress all the emotions only to end up defeated, confused, and a jumbled mess that can’t sleep or eat properly. I don’t think I’ll ever get closure if I don’t write this so here we go:

I’ve experienced heartbreak before but not in the way I had to break my own heart. You were and forever will be a good man: polite, gentle, kind and honest since day one. Everything was reciprocated; I liked you and you liked me. You wanted me to fulfill my dreams. You wanted to marry me and I wanted to marry you. We were so different but I was okay with it. I am a city girl, you a country man. I, single no kids, a clear canvas future, with a past of loving men that never loved back. You; divorced, two kids, a dark canvas from tragedy and unfortunate events from past relationships. What we had in common was lots of baggage. That’s what we had in common. Our pain from the past and growth from those experiences brought us together. We started to unpack and I wasn’t scared of what I saw. You weren’t scared of my baggage either. We knew love so strong because we were the same person. We tried to make our exes whole from damage done to them and ended up getting hurt. Then we met each other. I hoped our love for each other would heal each other but, in reality if we kept on going one of us would have to sacrifice for the other to be whole. I knew that person was going to be me. I got mentally and emotionally attached so quickly. I was willing to sacrifice my dreams in order for us to have a future together and you were willing to do so too. Everyone around me said not to do it, that it was dangerous and that my life would derail. I listened to them. We broke up. They are now all relived but, I have regrets. You were right; we could have made it work. I wish I would have given it more time- that I wouldn’t have acted out of fear but solely my own intuition. Maybe I want you more now because you’re gone but, I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that I did love you. That even in our differences and upbringings you knew me better than I knew myself. But sometimes that’s not enough – sometimes love doesn’t conquer all because the love we want and desire will kill us in the process. That’s what hurts the most is because we were so willing to sacrifice. Why didn’t it work? Why did I have to screw it up and hurt you like that?! I am so sorry but I had to put myself first. I’ve been a martyr in this area my whole life; always sacrificing my heart for someone else. My whole life my dream was to make sure that people discover their vision and purpose in life and to assist them in doing that. I was content and happy to do that. But over time…relationship after relationship doing that became tragic instead of heroic. No one ever returned the valiant effort back for me to do the same. The thing is that every time I sacrificed my lifejacket for someone else; I was the one that always drowned. No one came to save me; then began the process of fighting like hell to rediscover myself again. I would regain oxygen and breathe again… then the process would repeat. It’s a vicious cycle that I have to break. Even though I want to save you; I know it can’t be the sacrifice anymore. In loving a person, I can’t lose myself anymore. I saw the signs so quickly this time. In the past it took me years to see this. Our love was real and I meant every word that I said, every kiss was meant to heal, and each hug embodied my heart to you. But I’m tried of saving the world at the expense of myself. Instead of saving others; I have to fight to save myself. I don’t even know my dreams anymore; I don’t even know how to go after them because I’m always thinking of how to make others come to pass. You don’t deserve a love like that and I don’t either . We will have a love where we can be ourselves fully. You always told me; “I don’t want you to change in order to be with me”. Unfortunately the process began because I wasn’t strong in my identity. I did the thing we vowed to never do; I changed for you; compromised my morals, grew comfortable with discomfort, and felt bad for being myself. I was bending but about to break. So in a moment of fear of losing myself and my relationship with God, I ended it. A lot of people will say this is heroic but, the pain of letting someone you want is heart wrenching. I don’t know how my life will pan out because I made this decision. But I have to give myself a chance to figure that out. Right now, today I regret it. I miss hearing your voice, getting good morning love texts, having plans every weekend, driving in your truck, and making memories together. My 2 wishes are only that we would have slowed down and enjoyed the process and that we would have met later in life. That we were both whole and not coming out of seasons of restructuring and immense brokenness. Our hearts are currently holding on threads that God is sustaining. I hope on the other side of this that we can meet up and have another shot at love; Giving each other the best of us, and not pieces of our damaged souls. I hope we can dream again, have vision that propels us, and that our purposes will bring God glory whether together or apart. Sometimes love is best displayed by putting yourself first even if it breaks your heart to do it.

I foresaw that it may have been destructive later in time– that instead of allowing God to heal places in our hearts that only God could do we would have expected or put pressure on ourselves to do that for each other. Our love would have had to been proved by letting dreams die. I wish I was a better woman for you. I wish you were a better man for me. But the timing was off; we fell in love with fractured minds, heartbroken souls, and mirrors of illusion physically we wanted each other to portray. Its easy to get over heartbreak when the guy was a jerk, wasn’t ready to commit, or you were out of their league (which everyone said about you) but I didn’t believe it. Your brokenness was beautiful to me and was welcome with open arms. I wasn’t scared to help you rebuild, to dig down in the trenches of your soul and pick up roots of generational curses inherited or made. But maybe God doesn’t want me to do that because in the end it hurts me. God is good enough to want us both whole. It’s hard when you don’t have a lot of reasons why you broke up with a good man. It sucks because even though I broke up with you; I’m crying every night, losing sleep, and questioning how we can be in lovers paradise one week and then over in the next. I believe in time I will see why or God ended what was good to me to show us better or will grant us the opportunity to reintroduce ourselves as whole individuals. I wish you a happily ever after… even if it’s not with me.
This is my see you later and goodbye. May life treat you kindly and God heal our broken souls by the things we put ourselves in and the daggers that stabbed us unexpectedly. May God be gracious and shine the light of His face on you. May He give us peace, because I know I need it.

The last message to you my ex..
I want you to know that you are free to do whatever you want talk to whoever you want just like me because we are not together anymore. Stop searching after me and forget about me. You hurt me alot and I know I’ve hurt you too. I am sorry but you have no reason to hurt me after our breakup. Just like me.
I want you to know that I believed in us and fought for us a lot but I can’t do it anymore. I am tired just like you habibi. So it’s time for us to take a break from each other.
From this moment it’s a new life for me and of course for you as well. Please don’t say anything bad about me. Just say it’s fate.
I forgive you for everything and please forgive me.
We both had good and bad sides. Now its over. Let’s keep the good sides of us alive.
I wish you all the best and happy life ahead of us each alone.
Remember that I sacrificed a lot for us.
You will always be remembered and a smile will be on my face ..
god bless you and guide you to the right side..

Where do I begin – you came into my life like an earthquake and literally shook off the dust that had settled on my life. Before you, I was stuck – same routine, same people, same everything. I know you don’t know this, but you’re the reason I got out of a toxic relationship, you saved me once without even knowing it.

You made me feel alive, we had the same principles, same sense of humour and even wanted the same things for the future, our future. You made me believe that we could have it all, be desperately in love, be a perfect little family and still have our families around us – which would have been tough even in the best of circumstances considering I’m Pakistani and you’re Kurdish. You just gave me hope, so much hope – you didn’t feed on my strength or independence, you always gave me more. You believed in me, everything that I was, and all that I would be. Your belief was infectious, and I too started to believe that we would be happy. The day you called me your wife – I thought my heart was going to explode.

And then one day, you decided it was over. Why? “Because of culture”.
Like did you JUST find out I’m not kurdish? After 2 years of dating, you realised I was pakistani?!

I miss you. I miss the man who I could share everything with. It sounds cliche, but the man who could make me laugh when I had tears in my eyes. The man who would do anything to take away my pain. The man who took my happiness as his responsibility. I miss that man. I miss the relationship we had. I can’t say it enough. I miss everything about you. You weren’t just my other half, you were my best friend.

I wish I could tear my heart out. For the longest time I couldn’t allow myself to feel even half the pain I was going through because it would consume me – it was the darkest pit that I couldn’t escape from. I was alive but not living. I guess that’s because I genuinely thought you were my soul mate, that I would never on this earth feel this way for another human. All my dreams were destroyed, and I was left broken.

You carried on with your life without a care in the world, and without a single thought about how I was being affected. Would you care about the sleepless nights? The floods of tears I cried. The cries of pure anguish that escaped my lips when I couldn’t keep them inside. Would. You. Care.

Had that truly been the end, this might have been easier to stomach. But 2 years after our break up you’re still around, you message, we make small talk, we meet and here you are; still giving me hope.

Over time I may have learnt to be strong, but even now in my weakest moments – I cry out for you.
Mn tum xosh aweh piawa qozakam – I haven’t forgotten my kurdish either.

Dear ex,
It’s finally over and this is the second time we broke up and for good this time. I honestly thought you were going to be the one I was going to marry, have kids with and wake up next to every single day. However that’s not the case. It’s been a few months and I’m going fine I think. Occasionally the good memories come into my mind and they still make me smile because I can’t think of anything bad because the fall of our relationship wasn’t because you lost feelings or because you moved on from me, it was because I was moving and you couldn’t handle the long distance. The fact is that you told me you still loved me when we broke up and how can I move on like that, knowing that because of me moving that is what broke us up. I would rather have you lose feelings for me because that way I could easily move on. But you still love me, I don’t understand why you did what you did, and as always I respect your decision. I was always the one who went above and beyond but you hardly tried. It’s even more devastating when you know it’s coming that soon he will end things because all of a sudden you stopped calling me “babygirl”, “princess”, “sweetheart” etc… you stopped saying I love you. That’s when I knew it was done and I did everything to salvage the relationship but failed. It’s okay, I tell myself this because I’ve clung onto you for too long. It sucks that we have known each other practically our whole lifes, since 1st grade, and now we will never talk again. I try not think of that, and I do believe I have better things going for me. I do wish you the best as well. I just wish you had a better reason for ending things. Grow a pair man.

Dear ex
I do miss what we had,I always wanted to go back,but at the same time you were playing games,then you decided to dump me but decided to come back a day later,I didn’t accept,you kept trying to talk to me,that’s why I could never move on,now your with someone else,good for you,but you still try to talk to me,I dont play games

I love you, despite all the pain you put me through, all the lies and cheating I still love you. I miss your voice I miss us and every day we spent together for the past year. Its so hard for me to unlove you to stop caring about you because our relationship meant more than anything to me in this world. I would take a bullet for you, yet you lost feelings for me. I love you so much I love you and I love everything good you did for me and its crazy to me that i can look past the fact you got drunk and cheated on me because how much I valued you, it’s crazy that I gave in and decided ill let you smoke and I won’t get bothered by it although I only got bothered because I wanted what’s best for your health and you religion. It’s been a week since it all happened and every minute i wait for your text. you told me someone is talking to you, that you moved on and I love you so much it felt like a bullet rip through my heart. I wanted it to be you, i opened up to you, you were my first kiss, I saved it for you I saved everything for you, I loved you with no limits and no fear and no boundaries. I wish that you would see the sacrifices I made to fix our failing relationship before it crumbled. even with the pain that you cheated on me and that you promised you wouldn’t go clubbing after, and the lies and the betrayal I felt because you still did, I didn’t leave you, i tried to reason with you i tried to talk to you, i loved you so much i didn’t want us to break up because every time we fight i remmebred our good times and the promise we made to each other of forever. You were going to be my husband my kids father, my life, my partner, I wanted to wake up beside you and live every day knowing you’re mine I wanted the best for us I wanted us to grow together and you know that. You shattered my heart so bad iv never ever ever felt this way and iv been through so much pain and disappointment in my life. I really wanted to be here for you i still want to try to force it but that’s only going to hurt me more, I know you don’t want me and now you are talking to someone new and she might be the one who walks beside you in your journey of life and it kills me to know you look at her the way you once looked at me. I really thought we would work but you refused to give me another chance i promised we wouldn’t fight any more although our fights were never anything i initiated they were natural fights that were consequences of your behaviors at that time. it never wanted to fight, we went 10 month without fighting because I don’t like to fight with the person i love deeply although this past month before we broke up, it was so hard for me to not question you about cheating and going out without tellin me and drinking and even being seen with girls. I hate that this is what we came down to, a few days ago we spoke on the phone and i told you i still want you n my life i still want you to be my friend because i love you so much i want to see you still i want to be there for you i love you so much im sorry for whatever i did that made you fall out of love with me.

I wish we coulda made things work. I miss you so much that I can breath sometimes. I hate this feeling so much. Why did this have to happen. Im so broken. I hate this. I wish you were here right now. I miss you

Message to my Ex
I don’t know where to start.. Do I still love you or I got used to you being in my life? We were together for 3 years, i thought you were the one but no you’re not and I don’t want you to be the one. I might be lying but this is what I’m convincing myself with.
When we met I was a broken hearted girl, you used my situation to make me fall for you and I did. You changed me, you made me lose everyone and lose myself. You made me do things I never thought I would ever do it and I regret it every second. You made me feel like I’m the worst girl in the world.
Everytime we broke up, I remember myself saying and telling the world it’s over. One week later we are back. This time, no.. I’m not gonna listen to my heart if I talk to you. I won’t get back to you. IT IS FUCKING OVER.
You knew how much broken I am because I lost the most important thing to me and yet you couldn’t stand me when I was not okay. You dumped me. You know what? Thank you! Yes thank you. Because you woke me up, you made me feel better and alive.
This time, I’m the strongest woman you’ll ever meet. I am so proud of myself.

I am here today to follow the journey with all my Penguin friends.

One last thing: I can’t say I hate you because you will always have that place in my heart but I am sure that one day someone will come and fulfill this place.

Hi first i would like to say like u so much miss fabulous, your laugh really makes my day.Thank you so much for being so beautiful in and out

LETTER TO MY EX
i just want you to know that you entered int my life when i was already broken, i dint want to fall in love and get broken but somewhere you managed to make me fall for u, i knew somewhere maybe things wouldn’t work out but i still couldent stop loving you, not because mostly of how u r but mostly because who i became being around you. the changed i saw in me when i was around u, my panic attacks got less, depression everything seem to slowly be under control, as if you came into my life just to fix me, i was a mess already before you knew me and you sort of made things a little better for me.you where the kind of person i always dreamnt of. the kind of guy i always wanted, yes we dint have the perfect relationship, we fought some of it was my mistake and some of yours to.
the first time u walked away from my life on new years eve you just did one call and said its over, when we dint have any arguments nothing, but u left , blocked me ignored me and being the emotional person i was begged u , begged u till i could , till the end and then slowly i gave up. i gave up but when i was recovering you walked in again
and your tears made me stay with u, i was broke but i still stood beside u like a friend saying i dont want any relationship because i knew it was gonna happen again, i gave you all my time my energy and slowly my heart once again. you manage to melt me again.
i went on with a relationship somewhere knowing that you would walk off again but i couldent stop loving you.
and there you did it again, walked away , i fell in love with you second time harder than the first because the second time i actually felt your fear and love of losing me, the way you treated me made me feel, especially being the guy your are, where you are different for the world but for me i always saw a different side.
yes i cussed u, i threw all my anger in words, begged you did all that i could but somewhere i knew you are the kind that once turn never looks back.
i still hope somewhere you will come back because you did once but now you are with someone els , and i saw you happy
apart from all my anger all my hate you knew well hating u from my heart never was possible never will be, i can never deny the fact on how u made me feel, for all that you did for me, the way you made me feel, being loved , i felt wanted . apart from you crazy anger and the words you used against me when u left and i was behind you, just to get rid of me the words you used hurt me infact it tore me but now whenever i think about the smile you had always on seeing me everyday melts my heart.
yes you hurt me and it still kills me but you will always mean alot to me, yes i cant deny seeing you with someone els kills me, but somewhere, somewhere seeing you happy with her makes me happy.

now i feel i am back to the place where it all started, back to the pain even before you walked into my life.
i miss you
words wont be enough for me to thank you
i always forget all the words you say in anger even when we were in relationship, yes you did take me for granted but you did make me feel alive.
i dont know how long all this will hurt, i dont know how long if any of this i s every going to get over. i do want it to stop hurting but feels like it wont.

i love you from the bottom of my heart.
i am sorry for never being the perfect love, the perfect girl, maybe you would stay if i was good enough, i dont know.
i love you alot
for how long i dont know.