Melissa Locker

Melissa Locker

Melissa Locker is a freelance writer and producer in New York. You can also find her work on IFC, The Hairpin, and Television Without Pity and other places. Follow her on twitter @woolyknickers, but don't follow her in real life.

Gonzo From The Muppets Is Really Good at The Humpty Dance

Digital Underground's tune never sounded better

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The Muppets’ The Great Gonzo, who is known for his trademark swagger and unearned bravado, is the perfect choice to perform Digital Underground’s “The Humpty Dance” in a new video that’s going viral. While the original video definitely didn’t include chickens on backup vocals or Rowlf the dog playing piano, this mashup makes you wonder if maybe it should have.

In the clip, Gonzo steps in for emcee Shock G to cover the hip-hop classic from the West Coast rappers. The widely sampled song, which was technically performed by Shock G’s alter ego Humpty Hump, came out in 1989 and climbed the Billboard charts thanks to its ridiculously catchy beats and swaggering, laughable rhymes.

The mashup comes courtesy of YouTube’s Mylo the Cat, who has earned a reputation by making viral videos that mix the Muppets with music hits like Biz Markie’s “Just A Friend” and The Beastie Boys’ “So What’cha Want.”

Watch Helen Mirren Accept a Fake Award After Inhaling Helium

Helen Mirren deserves all the awards

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Dame Helen Mirren may not have known what she was getting into when she stopped by The Tonight Show, but that didn’t stop her from participating when Jimmy Fallon handed her a helium balloon and asked her to inhale.

The 69-year-old Woman in Gold star told Fallon she hadn’t sucked on a helium balloon since she was 12 years old, but she quickly got the hang of it. The Academy Award-winning actress then asked Fallon to give her a prize so she could make an acceptance speech.

The actress is a true professional, and even when she started to get light-headed, she continued to play, struggling to rush oxygen to her brain before proudly answering Fallon’s question by loudly declaring, “Spotted dick!”

This week it’s Latin night, meaning Latin dances, Latin flair, and at least one song by Pitbull, Shakira and Gloria Estefan (it’s a law!). Perhaps even more exciting, it’s the first week that the dancers can incorporate lifts into their routines. That means more drama, more excitement and more possibility that people will fall a lot during rehearsal.

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Rumer Willis and Val Chmerkovskiy: Because Val and Rumer are gifted, simply dancing a salsa isn’t enough for them. Instead they opt to mash up their salsa with disco — and the only place to rehearse a disco salsa is at the roller rink. They strap on their roller skates and have a retro good time until Rumer overenthusiastically jumps on Val’s face, splitting his lip, and getting his microphone hooked on an intimate part of her tights. Glad the cameras were there to capture it all. For the performance, Val and Rumer have realized that if you’re going to attempt a disco salsa, you have no choice but to go full Saturday Night Fever, feather your hair and dance to Gloria Estefan’s “Turn the Beat Around.” Len Goodman thought it was the best dance so far. Bruno Tonioli tried to make “Monday Night Fever” a thing and host Erin Andrews, bless her, let us watch Rumer’s accidental face plant, in slow motion, twice. 33/40

Charlotte McKinney and Keo Motsepe: Charlotte claims she is a “visual learner,” and that’s why Keo has to show her each step over and over again. Plus she is a full-time model and actress and needs to answer all of her emails all the time, much to Keo’s frustration. While it’s clear she is not giving her full attention to the rumba, it’s also clear that the producers are not giving her the kindest edit this week. It does not bode well for her chances in the competition. The dance ends with Julianne Hough full on pouting because Charlotte is wasting her potential. Julianne demands that Charlotte go back to her room, take off her socks, and build up callouses, which is not quite a normal thing to say (except in dance, probably). Bruno rudely said she would “never win the Nobel Prize.” As the women yelled him down, Tom Bergeron walked over and whispered to Bruno, “Neither will you.” Can we just give Tom the Mirror Ball, now? 22/40

Michael Sam and Peta Murgatroyd: To spice up their salsa (to “Celebrate” by Pitbull, natch) Peta choreographed multiple lifts thinking that since Michael is used to blocking 200-lb. men on the football field, he should have no problem tossing her up into the air multiple times. She came to regret that decision when during rehearsal it became clear that Michael didn’t know his own strength and kept throwing her halfway across the room. Luckily he sorted it out before he hit the dance floor. Bruno was impressed with his restraint, but was distressed about his lack of timing. Carrie Ann didn’t feel “safe” during the routine, even though she wasn’t the one that Michael was throwing into the air like pizza dough. 24/40

Riker Lynch and Allison Holker: Allison told Riker that he needed to “be sexy” for his salsa, which Riker translated to mean borrowing a short-sleeved sparkly shirt from his mom, and then ripping it open at the end of the dance, in order to wring the last possible vote out of any teens watching with their families at home. Len felt the need to be honest and told Riker that he wasn’t the best dancer, but had flair. (Is that what they’re calling spray tans these days?) The rest of the judges loved it, though, with Julianne and Bruno applauding it as real salsa. 34/40 (with Len stubbornly giving a 7)

Suzanne Somers and Tony Dovolani: At 68 years old, Suzanne is a woman prepared for any occasion, which is why she can wear her own fruit hat for her dance tonight. While Suzanne hasn’t had an opportunity to wear her fruit hat in 35 years, it still fits and stays on her head for the entire samba. The dance ended with Tony swinging Suzanne and her fruit hat around and sliding them between his legs for a dramatic finale. Len declared that it was “juicy, fruity and full of fun,” just like her hat. 25/40

Chris Soules and Witney Carson: Going into his Argentine tango, the Bachelor is in last place, but he is determined not to fail. To prove his seriousness, Chris wears a leather-accented tuxedo sans shirt, which is definitely what people wear to serious occasions like court appearances and will readings. Witney has choreographed an intense routine to “Dangerous” by David Guetta (which is not especially Latin, but works for these purposes) and Chris manages to pull it off. As the lights went up, Julianne crowned him “the comeback king.” Then in a massive brain freeze she declares, “You just Redfoo’d yourself!” Does Julianne not remember that Redfoo got kicked off last week? 28/40

Robert Herjavec and Kym Johnson: Despite a flare-up of pain from an old injury, the Shark Tank judge throws himself into a romantic rumba with Kym. It’s a solid, elegant routine, but once again it’s not quite enough to distinguish him from the pack of other dancers. The judges were underwhelmed by the routine, which Len dubbed “very middle of the road.” The only one to disagree was Julianne, who thought it was his best dance so far. 29/40

Patti LaBelle and Artem Chigvintsev: After getting down in the club with 50 Cent last week, this week Patti cha-chas to Santana while checking into the Hotel LaBelle. (Artem seems to be sidelining in set design this season.) The dance was entertaining, if not particularly energetic. Len kindly said there was a certain charm about Patti, but thought the dance lacked enough cha-cha content, which is Artem’s fault, not Ms. LaBelle’s. 22/40

Willow Shields and Mark Ballas: Resident teen Willow is dancing a paso doble to “Hanuman” by Rodrigo y Gabriela, despite the fact that she doesn’t think she has the life experience to give the paso the intensity it deserves. Guess you don’t pick that up in pre-algebra class? For the routine, Mark wisely clad Willow in a girl-on-fire dress that will subtly remind viewers that she was in The Hunger Games. Len liked the performance and thought it set the bar for pasos (it was the first one of the season so, yeah, it set the bar). 32/40

Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess: For his Argentine tango, Noah is supposed to wear a prosthetic arm to complete the frame, but it’s uncomfortable and not working for him. Two days before the performance, they reconfigure the dance so he can do it without his arm. Dancing a one-armed tango is an impressive feat, especially considering that there are lifts in the routine. The second the dance ended, the audience exploded in applause. While Carrie Ann felt compelled to nitpick, Len declared Noah his hero and loved Sharna’s imaginative choreography. 30/40

Nastia Liukin and Derek Hough: Between his work at the New York Spring Spectacular and her studies at NYU, Derek and Nastia only have a little time to rehearse. So Derek wisely used their limited rehearsal time to stomp on her thumb, immobilizing it and causing it to swell. Luckily for him, Nastia is one tough cookie who has willingly performed gymnastics with a broken ankle, so a samba with a swollen thumb is no big deal. For their samba, Derek wisely chose to perform sans shirt to distract the judges (especially his sister who would be forced to avert her eyes). It was a solid routine despite their abbreviated rehearsal time, much to the frustration of all the competitors who actually had to practice. 34/40

In Jeopardy: Chris and Witney, Charlotte and Keo, and Noah and Sharna, who are just there to make people feel bad for not voting.

Leaving Tonight: Charlotte is going to have a lot more time to catch up on her emails, because she is going home. She whispers to Keo, “I’m sorry.”

This Drone Is Surprisingly Good at Herding Sheep

You're fired, Babe

Get ready to cash in your 401ks, sheepdogs, because you can retire now.

An ingenious Irish farmer has discovered the sheepdog of the future, and it doesn’t require kibble, a warm bed or even a pat on the head for a job well done. That’s because the sheepdog of the future isn’t a dog at all— it’s a drone.

In this video, filmed by Paul Brennan in Carlow, Ireland, the aptly named Shep the Drone flies above a flock of sheep, filming as it herds them from one field to another. It’s unclear why the drone is so good at the job (sheep pliancy induced by terror, perhaps?) but it is incredibly effective at moving the flock across fields with no training, breeding or Milk Bones required.

This Culinary Genius Built an Easy Cheese 3-D Printer

Someone get this guy a MacArthur "Genius Grant"

A slightly mad evil genius has used his powers for good and rigged a 3-D printer to craft its product in Easy Cheese. While the printer is still in initial testing, per the video, it’s clear the future looks delicious.

In this video, posted by Andrew Maxfield-Parish, the cheese-rigged 3-D printer looks like something built in the basement laboratory on Wallace and Gromit. The video shows that the printer and its creator are still figuring out the logistics of an Easy Cheese-filled future, but by the end of the clip, the machine seems to get the hang of the whole building-in-cheese thing. Give the man and his robot a little more time to perfect the process and perhaps they can build a White House replica just in time for next year’s Big Block of Cheese Day.

This Black-and-White Footage of the Teletubbies Looks Like a Horror Film

Warning: You may never see the Teletubbies the same way after watching this clip set to the rock band Joy Division

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Who knew that the Teletubbies in black and white would look like a shot from an Ingmar Bergman-directed horror film?

A grainy black-and-white image of the Teletubbies, those lovable, huggable children’s television characters, has been circulating the Internet for a few days. While many Twitter users have noted that the image of the huggable furries devoid of their technicolor hue is strangely haunting, verging on horrifying, others commented that the photo looked like a still from the Anton Corbijn-directed music video for “Atmosphere” by post-punkers, Joy Division.

YouTube user Christopher Brown latched on to that idea and ran with it. He took footage of the fuzzy little tubbies, stripped out the color, and soon enough Tinky-Winky, Dipsy, Laa Laa and Po were frolicking through a bleak post-apocalyptic wasteland. Add in the downbeat Joy Division soundtrack, and the result is a wildly weird, strangely avant-garde, creepy video that feels equal part Bergman, David Lynch, and Disney cosplay. Clearly it’s a must-see.

If Joy Division isn’t your cup of tea, someone also made an Aphex Twin version.

Jimmy Fallon Singing With Five Wax Dummies of Himself Is the Stuff of Nightmares

"Barbara Ann" never sounded so creepy.

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On The Tonight Show Thursday night, thanks to what looks like an accident in the laboratory of an Internet-savvy mad scientist, host Jimmy Fallon sings with five wax copies of himself.

While, theoretically, it should be entertaining to watch the comedian sing the Beach Boys’ classic “Barbara Ann” alongside the wax doppelgangers borrowed from Madame Tussauds, the result is unsettling and just plain creepy.

That said, it’s also hard to look away. But when Questlove crashes the singing party, he speaks for us all when he shakes his head and walks away.

Watch Mariah Carey Kill at Car Karaoke on The Late Late Show

James Corden continues his streak

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After convincing Tom Hanks to recreate his most famous movies in an seven-minute video, new Late Late Show host James Corden set about getting Mariah Carey to do a little car karaoke with him and the results are equally memorable.

In the video, Carey and Corden are engaged in the popular Los Angeles pastime of driving around endlessly until Corden “accidentally” turns on one of the diva’s hits. As the opening bars of “Always Be My Baby” played, Carey announced, “I’m not singing today. I was up all night.” Then she gamely started singing along with Corden anyway. As they drove, they chatted and sang through a medley of Carey’s greatest hits with Corden giving it his — although he might not want to give up his day job quite yet.

The Daily Show Reminds Us That Flying Cars May Exist Before Women Get Equal Pay

Kristen Schaal explains it all in a depressingly funny report.

A recent study predicts American women won’t earn the same amount of money as men until the year 2058 (other studies say it will take until 2100). Senior Women’s Issues Correspondent Kristen Schaal appeared The Daily Show to talk about a few items that will likely be in existence way before paycheck equality, including flying cars and travel to Mars.

Host Jon Stewart then pointed out that, much like equal pay, people have been talking about flying cars for years without making much progress. He asked her to give him a more realistic example, which she does in the form of a news clip showing a scientist unveiling a 3-D printed functional human heart. “You’re telling me we’re going to print a human heart out of a Xerox machine before women get pay equality?” Stewart asked. “No,” Schaal said, “I’m telling you we’ll print hearts 30 years before women get pay equality.” She suggests that women might be better off 3D-printing a different body part entirely if they want the same pay rate as men.

This Harry Potter-“Uptown Funk” Mashup Is the Stuff of Nightmares

What's next, Lorde Voldemort?

The parody imagines what the funky Mark Ronson and Bruno Marks jam would sound like if sung by Lord Voldemort and his backing band, Tom and the Riddles, and the results are pretty magical.

The song is filled with the Dark Lord’s fiercest anti-Harry Potter rhymes, which includes plenty of jabs at the Hogwarts crew. There’s little doubt the soulful, sassy remix would be in heavy rotation on Draco Malfoy’s iPod and playing in stores found in the darker corners of Diagon Alley.

In the video, the Dark Lord himself gets funky with his Death Eaters and his pet python, all while plotting the downfall of Harry Potter and gearing up to invade Hogwarts. It’s clear that the Dark Lord knows how to throw down some serious song power, no dark magic required.