Monday, June 25, 2012

Unconditional

H and I have stayed up till 3am the last three nights in a row discussing it at length. We're not as young as we used to be and our asses have been dragging all weekend.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around what it means to love another unconditionally.

Perhaps because of my beginnings, my childhood, it's made me doubt whether unconditional love for another is possible. I don't know for sure but I suspect that's the case.

If there ever was an unconditional love, it would have to be what a mother feels for her child.

I feel that for my children. How can I not? They are a piece of me. No matter what their faults, what their crimes I'd never stop loving them.

So when H looks at me...sees my faults, knows my sins and loves me still, how can I doubt him when he says he loves me unconditionally?

Well I did. I did doubt him...

Then over this weekend, H laid me out on our bed and opened me up. Over several hours each nite he pulled out all my faults...my transgressions...everything...and then told me he loves me still. Has loved me always.

I can't even put into words the depth of feelings he elicited from me. My body feels like it has been crying for three straight days.

I felt so raw and open those two nights. Everything inside of me hurt.

And then finally last night he began to put me back together. Reminding me every bit of the way that he loves me...unconditionally.

I think I'm starting to believe him...and it feels like nothing I've known before.