Nesting

While creating vision boards this week with our staff, I pointed out how important it is for me to have quiet, meditative time, usually in the horizontal position on my couch. My bed will suffice, too. It’s “mommy” time in which I at times feel guilt, but push away, because I know the mommy-guilt is ever-present and what I really need is recuperative, “me” time.

See the couch on my vision board below?

Yeah, that’s me – dreaming on a couch.

When the other counselors at I Choose Change created their visions boards, one thing they mentioned is that they don’t have their own place to “nest”. There is no space where they feel like they can hunker down, be introspective, meditate, and let the to-dos of the world slip away. I’m writing this blog post from my nesting place – blanket wrapped around my legs while I’m sunk deep into the worn cushions of my favorite sofa.

There are days in which I feel as if I do nothing but drool and stare at a wall. And you know what? It’s therapeutic. My daughters walk into a room where they see me nesting, then quietly walk back out and exclaim, “Shhh…mom is resting.” Even my two year old does this because if there’s one thing extremely important to me, above all else, it’s me-time.

In a client session yesterday, I mentioned this nesting experience. She was saying how her husband retreats to his office to tinker with his toys or watch television while she is downstairs waiting for him to join her in a joint activity. So I asked, “Where is your space? Where do you tinker or go within?” She looked at me like a deer in headlights. She had no nest!

I think nesting space is so supremely important. Individually, we need our space of which we retreat – to gather our thoughts and slow the world down just a bit. This space is equally important as a couple, where together you can retreat into each other – a place to snuggle, have deep conversations, and dream together. The nesting place is neutral ground – a serene retreat that fills your heart with calm. Just as it is important to have this space individually, a couple’s nest is also neutral ground – a place where deep talks happen and you each feel felt.

A nest can be your bed, the bath, a comfy sofa, a corner chair, or even a hammock. Wherever you feel you can recuperate while letting the busy day and stream of to-dos melt away is precisely the space of which nesting is meant.

If you don’t have a nest, I highly encourage it! If you have a nest, I’d like to hear about it. Where do you nest?

Photo Credit here. (And by the way, did you notice this photo? I’ll be adding this to my vision board, thank you very much!)

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Jennifer Slingerland Ryan knows a thing or two about kids and families. First, she knows they are joyous, exhilarating, loving and so darn fun. Second, she knows they suck your life dry and make you weep like a baby.
By day she’s a psychotherapist; by night she’s a mom and wife. She claims to love therapizing couples, educating parents, reading dystopian fiction and sleeping in her free time (read: she never sleeps).
Jennifer has spent over 12 years in private practice working with individuals, couples, and parents who are faced with kid-drama, mamma-drama, and family-drama, and she claims that although some stories make a grown woman cry, she loves it.