The cat’s out of the bag now. We know that Steven Beale is Ian’s stalker but what I want to know is: what has he done with him? Has he left Ian tied up in the basement of that derelict flat? The one we last saw him in? Well if he has, at least ‘Squeal’ Beale won’t die of starvation cos there’s at least a month’s supply of Jacobs cream crackers in one of those cupboards somewhere…that’s if ‘Squeal’ Beale can manage to free himself of course. But for all we know, scheming Steven could have done the ultimate…Is Ian Beale now in that great chip shop in the sky serving jellied eel and pie and mash to the likes of Dirty Den, his auntie Pauline and his dead uncle Arthur? Only time will tell.

Anyway this week on EastEnders the police find Ian’s car abandoned on the side of a road and start asking all sorts of questions. Meanwhile scheming Steven in an attempt to throw the police off the scent sends Jane a text message – pretending to be Ian – reassuring her that he’s safe and just needs some time to think. Jane feels reassured but the police tell her that they can’t close the case until they’ve spoken to Ian themselves. Jane then insists that they trace the text message. So has Steven finally gone and shot himself in the foot? Will the Old Bill realise that he’s Ian Beale’s stalker?

The atmosphere is still tense between Bradley and Max – well it would be when you’ve done the dirty on your own son. Tanya continues to steam ahead with wedding plans and Yolande receives a pleasant surprise (a one-way ticket to the moon?). Kevin is shocked when he realises Deano has done a runner. Can he stop Denise and Chelsea from going to the police?

Also on EastEnders this week:

Yolande suspects that Patrick might be having an affair with Roxy (Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!).

Kevin and Shirley agonise over their son

Carly’s stunned when Sean ‘Shout’ Slater turns up on her doorstep.

Coronation Street w/e 5th October

Roy’s clearly struggling with the Haley situation and breaks down in Freshco’s. Tyrone’s in trouble with Jack and Vera. He’s been caught red handed with his hands in their biscuit tin…and no he wasn’t trying to get the last chocolate digestive – he’s still on Paul’s trail and is trying in vain to catch him out. I don’t know why Tyrone just doesn’t give up; Paul’s just too clever for him and always seems to be one step ahead. By the time Tyrone gets around to convincing Jack and Vera that Paul’s been stealing their money there’ll be nothing left in their pension accounts.

Now we all know that it’s not wise to do business with family and friends. I mean just look at Carla and Liam; they’re living proof of that. It’s fair to say that the pair just don’t get on…in fact President Bush and Osama Bin Laden have a better relationship – but all of that’s about to change this week as Carla starts to realise that she has feelings for Liam. As we’ll see on Corrie tonight it’s not all one sided… Liam definitely feels the same way and surprises Carla by giving her a passionate kiss. But where does that leave poor little Rosie Webster? We all know that she’s got a crush on Liam. Rosie needs to have a good chat with her mum cos she knows a thing or two about bad relationships.

Sarah tells ‘Damian’ David not to talk to her in the salon and Audrey’s caught in the middle. Oh noooooooo! Ashley and Clurrrrrr get some screen time this week. He’s annoyed when he discovers that she’s asked her mother to baby-sit for the boys instead of him. Yawn. There’s a tense atmosphere in the factory between Liam and Carla who are trying to act as though nothing’s happened since the kiss. Jason refuses to be drawn into conversation with ‘Damian’ David who genuinely wants to make amends. Cilla is surprised when Frank tells her that he wants her as his live-in carer. Enjoy her while you can folks – the brilliant Cilla doesn’t have long on’t cobbles of Coronation Street. ‘Damian’ David tries to be nice to Gail by buying her flowers. He then asks if he can move back in. Craig Charles finally gets something to do besides be the resident fill-in when his character Lloyd is smitten with Sinbad/Jerry’s Jodie.

There’s a surprise for Cilla who may have come into some unexpected cash – how will she spend it? You can be sure it won’t be on anything tasteful. When ‘Damian’ David asks Jason about his stag night, the young builder makes it clear that he’s not invited and David’s mood darkens..uh-oh, trouble.

Finally, there’s a nonenity of a storyline revolving around waste-of-space Violet agreeing to swap shifts with Sean and then being annoyed when he doesn’t show up. I can’t be the only person who sees that this girl has no role in’t Street? More Clurrrrrrr and Ashley boring-ness. Something about her allowing him to sleep on the sofa. Yawn.

Also on Coronation Street this week:

Steve and Michelle have to sort out their housing situation.

Jason loses his temper and pins ‘Damian’ David against a fence.

Sinbad/Jerry throws a chaotic party.

Hollyoaks w/e 5th October

I’m beginning to think that Hollyoaks should be re-named HollywoodOaks – it’s got to be the soap opera with all the beautiful people. They’re all young and slim – and one of the characters even has an eating disorder. All we need now is someone to adopt children from all over the globe a la Angelina Jolie. Anyway this week, Amy throws a house party while her family are away but she gets a bit worried when she finds out that Michaela’s posted invitations on the Internet. We can see where this storyline is gonna go. Earlier this year, about 200 youngsters damaged Alan and Elaine Bell’s home after the party was advertised on a famous website. As more and more guests arrive Amy starts to worry especially when Ste texts to say he’s got nowhere to stay and is on his way over. As the party gets out of hand, Leah’s in danger and Ste becomes Amy’s hero.

Elsewhere Myra puts on a brave face as Tina, Dominic and John Paul leave home. Tina is delighted to be flying the nest and throws a housewarming party…let’s just hope her invitations don’t end up on the net! Anyway while the rest of the McQueens party, John Paul sits alone regretting his decision.

Zoe and Jessica are still at loggerheads and Kris has had enough. He locks them in Jessica’s room to have it out and refuses to let them leave until they’ve made up. The girls aren’t one bit happy about the situation but are forced to make amends after seeing footage of their behaviour on Zak’s phone. Hey, it sounds to me like Kris has stumbled across the solution for world peace…

In this Friday’s Hollyoaks, Rhys meets the girl of his dreams, Beth Clements. But there’s more of a connection between them than even they know! Now I know I shouldn’t spoil things for you but I can’t resist – here’s what happens: Rhys accidentally knocks this Beth girl off her bike. Now while most of us would be worried sick about losing our no claims bonus, Hollyoaks’ serial womaniser Rhys finds himself falling head over heels in love.

It goes without saying that in soap land, nothing is ever straightforward, especially relationships. This one is no exception. It turns out that Beth Clements is actually – SPOILER! Read no further if you don’t want to know – – – Rhys’ half sister! So it looks like we’re in for Dennis and Sharon part two or ‘Shannis’ as the whole saga was called. Somehow ‘BethRhys’ doesn’t quite have the same ring. Bet your life that the Hollyoaks scriptwriters will really go to town on this storyline. The rest of us might have to go to the loo to throw up.

Also on Hollyoaks:

Nancy feels she’s living in her dead sisters shadow.

Max realises he’s in love with Steph.

Rhys confides in Gilly about Hannah’s illness.

Emmerdale w/e October 5th

Linda Lusardi’s leaving Emmerdale – who’ll mourn her? She’s not as big a loss to this soap as Wendi Peters is to Coronation Street, that’s for sure. Anyway this week Doug is still keen to stick around in the village but Hilary is adamant that they’re going home. He suggests renting their house out but Hilary is not in agreement. Doug however is determined and offers up his services to Pollard who gives him a trial period.

Elsewhere, Paul stands firm on his unwillingness to forgive Nicola and questions how Rodney can. Things later reach boiling point and when the siblings clash, Rodney is forced to intervene. Later Rodney moves out accompanied by Nicola but father and daughter relations soon become strained when Nicola makes loud reference to Rodney’s poor financial situation in front of a busy pub. So has Rodney made a big mistake in forgiving Nicola for her past indiscretions? The answer to that question has got to be a resounding YES!

Diane begs a weeping Val to forgive her, insisting that she didn’t have an affair with Billy. Emotions run high between the two women and When Val later disappears, Diane panics and rushes home expecting Val to be there revealing all to Jack.

Jimmy’s stag party gets off to a flying start at a lap-dancing club, but he later receives the shock of his life when his private lap dancer turns out to be none other than one of the great diamond robbers herself, Lexi! She just can’t keep away from trouble can she? Anyway Jimmy’s woes increase the following morning when Kelly’s spies reveal what happened the night before, prompting Kelly to pour a jug of water over him. Jimmy, desperate to get back in Kelly’s good books insists that the lapdancer revealed nothing more than her name and when Kelly discovers Lexi’s secret sideline, it provides her with the perfect ammunition to irritate Carrie.

Also on Emmerdale:

Kelly enlists Eli’s help in retrieving the incriminating photo from Debbie.

Victoria finds herself in big trouble at school.

Grayson suggests that he and Perdy consider surrogacy again.

That’s it for now. Join me on Wednesday for more news and gossip from the world of soaps. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.

I don\’t think that it is disgusting until they know that they are half siblings. It could happen to anyone with out knowing, have a listen to Shame & Scandle a song covered by Madness and you will see what I mean!

this rhys and beth thing does sound sick!! didnt hollyoaks do that storyline years ago with them long lost twin brother and sister that got it on big time that was also sick! May I also add that sharon and dennis weren\’y actually blood related, sharon was adopted and dennis was dens real son and they werent brought up together.

Great 2read the soap scene told like it is. Some of the storylines really drag on. Ok they\’re meant 2have an exciting \’ongoing\’ storylines but some of them are so on & on & on & on & on going some of us have lost the plot by the time the ending is revealed!

Its a great pity that all of the soaps are so full of deadbeats, violence and stress, no one seems to have a laugh anymore, the eastend of london was never as gloomy as this soap depicts it to be, the countryside has lots of fun quircky goings on, at least the super bitch Nicola is back, in Emmerdale, corrie well its all so ho hum, Cilla is the only laugh, perhaps I will say what many others are saying, make the soaps three times a week get better writers and lets have a bit more fun a lot less violence after all it is pre watershed.

I used to work in th eevenings and never got to watch the soaps , but have had a while off after having a baby and have been a soap watcher for a few months now , I am back to work but will look at this link to catch up on the soaps. Cant watch the omnibuses at the weekends as will be doing mother earth stuff !!!

Hey i dont think that steven shoots ian I think that it will be Gina cindy\’s sister. and i think that hollyoaks is the best with all those fit blokes in it especially kris he is gorgeous. corrie and emerdale are boring i have no time for them

I must agree with the last person soaps are getting so depressing and some of the story lines are a bit far fetched, in Emerdale for example I\’ve never known so many people get away with murder I personally think the the writers also are in need of a holiday to recharge their batteries for the sake of all of us.

I AM LOVING EAST ENDERS AT THE MINUTE, BUT I THINK THAT STEVEN SHOULD GET PHIL MITCHELS HELP TO TORTURE BEAL,IT WOULD BE MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE TO WATCH AND WHY ARE THEY NOT GLAD HE HAS GONE????? I WOULD THINK THAT THE FIRST PEOPLE THEY WOULD LOOK AT ARE HIS KIDS,LUCY IS A SHE DEVIL,STEVEN IS,WELL OBVIOUSLY, INSANE AND GUILTY,PETER IS NOT TO BAD BUT THERE IS TIME FOR HIM TO TURN YET AND THEN THERE IS BOBBY,DO THEY NOT WORRY THAT THIS CHILD DISSAPEARS AS MUCH AS HIS FATHER?????
SO HOW WILL IT END? IT WILL PROB BE A BONDING SESSION BETWEEN IAN AND STEVEN AND STEVEN REALSING HE DOES LOVE STEP DADDY IAN. I THINK THAT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF IAN DIED TRYING TO BEAT THE WORLD RECORD AT EATING CREAM CRACKERS WITHOUT A DRINK AND DEHYDRATION FINALLY TAKES HIM TO THE BIG BEAL FAMILY IN THE SKY……

Hi i think steven is beginning to regret what he has done, as watching it the other night think proved it, when he seen the pic of ian and him and then also what pat had said to him. Either he is gonna sweat it out or tell pat what he has done. Also loving holby at the min wouldn\’t miss it for the world lol

Why is everyone ganging up on Jas. What was Billy up to when he joined eastenders(bashing Jamie) How many times has the Mitchells been inside, or have the script writers forgotten what they have writen.

I cannot understand why people say soaps should have a laugh a second. Soap is about real life and real life is as boring as it gets. Similarly portrayed in the soaps. BTW Eastenders is probably the biggest tosh of them all and the most unrealistic besides Emmerdale. Corrie is as real as it gets. Hollyoaks needs to be scrapped.

you\’re right, \’BethRhys\’ does not sound right AT ALL…"Rhysbeth" sounds better tho, should be interested to watch altho i\’m gettin kinda bored with \’oaks now…Hannah\’s story line needs to be concluded…its getting a bit long now.

no name – your comment has been slightly edited for profanity.
(no name)
WHAT LOAD OF B*****KS GET A LIFE EASTENDERS IS FULLY OF RIP OFF HOLLYWOOD SCRIPTS YOU NEVER REALISED THATS CUS THE SOAP GOT YOU WASHED MY FRIEND THE IAN BILL SAGA IS A KNOCK OFF OF ROOM 1406 WATCH THE FILM YOU WILL FIND OUT WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO IAN BILL ITS JUST IN THE WRITE SUB CONCIOUS I GUESS MAKE COMPARISON WHEN WILL THEY GET THIER OWN IDEAS COMPARE THE HISTORY WITH HOLLWOOD LATEST FILM YOU WILL SEE IT IN THE NEXT EPISODE OF EE
02 October 13:28

I used to love watching emmerdale and corrie when the storylines were really gripping but then I started working at evenings I missed them and found it difficult to try and catch up to find out what had happened. Now, I\’m back working during the daytime, the storylines basically copy each other, it\’s boring now, lets have some FUN STORYLINES PLEEASSEEEE!!!!
cos, it doesn\’t matter how many episodes I miss, everyone can STILL follow the plot!!!
It\’d be great to have Claire King, Linda Lusardi, Kelly and all the little schemers have some really BAD secrets/past and let all hell break loose!!
Corrie – Don\’t kill off Cilla, Blanche, David! They keep us sane!! Sal

whatever happened to nick bates from emmerdale. he was sent down yonks of years ago and never heard of again. no-one ever mentions him. even the worst of killers get less time than he did and his was an accident. come on be realistic and bring him back just for a visit. it would be great to see him again

ALICE
i think there is a lot of humour in soaps. i think the one-liners are great. the comment last week from val in emmerdale about the blokie chokie had me in bits. eastenders is the only soap i dont find funny. also life is only as boring as you make it.

Well!!!! what can I say about these soaps at the moment, I watch these most evenings and wonder why on earth I do sometimes.
Eastenders is a joke and nothing at all about a happy family, its DEPRESSING, does nobody nowdays have happy homes and happy relationships? Coronation Street is as funny and good as watching paint dry. Emmerdale shows the way of getting away with murder, YAWN, YAWN, YAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i love hollyoaks but lately it seems so depressing and the storylines just drag on. Like hannah\’s eating disorder and john paul and craig. And now Steph and max!i loved the clair storyline tho justin as her pusher was bit of a let down. I really enjoyed the Ian storyline where he was getting harrassed. But now i want some more drama lol

Erm .. They\’re only actors/actresses .. why you people even worry about Ian Beale or Corrie or Emmerdale is beyond me ! I\’d rather worry about what I\’m aving for tea tonight .. Seems like there\’s a lot of people with too much time on their hands in this country ! Get a job .. Get a hobbie or jus .. GET A LIFE !

Evilweeja, errrrrrrrrrrrrr – HELLO IT\’s A SOAP BLOG! It\’s for people who are interested in soaps. And you\’ve just demeaned your argument by leaving a message here. If you don\’t like it – get lost. Don\’t put other people down. You sanctimonious so and so.