Heres a piece i just wrote. I like it very much :)
and i was just wondering what i could change
or make better or sugguestions to finish.
thanks in return.

salsawords

07-09-2009, 04:18 AM

I really enjoy the intro, sounds pretty neat. For the verse riff (starting at bar 23), you might want to change up the rhythm and make it more complex, at this point it's a little too generic for my tastes. Try incorporating stuff like triplets or something like that, especially on the low E string PMed notes. I don't really ever like breakdowns so I'll abstain from commenting that. Sounds cool though man, this will end up an excellent song I think. :cheers:

ohnoitishorribl

07-09-2009, 04:23 AM

thanks man. i kept it kinda simple just for gp5
but ill end up fixing it once i finish it. just trying to get ma riffs in order :)
but thanks dude i think this song is going to be good too
and ill take your advice :)

salsawords

07-09-2009, 04:24 AM

thanks man. i kept it kinda simple just for gp5
but ill end up fixing it once i finish it. just trying to get ma riffs in order :)
but thanks dude i think this song is going to be good too
and ill take your advice :)
:cheers: Good luck man.

Incubus_Rage_27

07-09-2009, 05:52 AM

Mate im a big fan of this sorta stuff this could be the start of something decent, obviously the intro sounded a bit pants in midi but its definately the start of something great! The next riff as salsawords said, is slightly generic but there's nothing wrong with that, maybe you could spice it up a bit but it definately sounded great when you added the half time drums and had one guitar chugging the bass notes. I wasnt too sure about how you dropped the beat-down, it drops a bit suddenly and the rhythms seemed a little odd, to be honest I used to use weird rhythms all the time but now I prefer beatdowns with more straight rhythms as they tend to sound more effective, plus its easier for fans to learn and mosh along to!
I could see some real potential on this piece and you seem to like similar stuff to me, have a listen to this track i recently posted and If you like my style perhaps you may be interested in collaborating on your track or maybe another at a later date:
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1158325
Peace man.

-Flooow

07-09-2009, 08:54 AM

duude this simply owns.
but i'm not too much a fan of this dissonant breakdown stuff at the end.
the parts before are awesome and match perfectly.
yet it reminded me ALOT of As I Lay Dying, but this is rather a compliment than criticism.

I love this sort of stuff.
Reminds me of the new August Burns Red album.
Give us some more, that was toooo short.

Hahah it was reallly good though.
My only thing is the intro riff dragged on too long.
As mentioned above make it more complex somehow.

Can I get your opinion?
http://www.ultimate-guitar.com/forum/showthread.php?p=20668781#post20668781

Ulalume

07-14-2009, 08:52 PM

I like it. Try to avoid the breakdown, though. If you must, make it a bit more complex please. Breakdowns annoy people, myself included, primarily because they tend to take away from the song and seem just like lazy music writing to a degree (because, lets face it, most break downs basically use 1-3 notes). A breakdown is when all the instruments simultaneously slow down. I've written breakdowns myself, however I've avoided the simple rhythmic chugs such as that. It would be more interesting if you wrote a similar riff like the one used in the verses, just during the breakdown section. If you want, keep the dissonant chug as a rhythm. BUT, for sure add some additional rif***e.

Aside from my little bitch there, its pretty tight as it is right now. You are certainly going in the right direction. If you want a real suggestion I would say add some synths. haha. I am a synth-maniac though, so what can I say. I don't listen to much metalcore types of songs, but I do enjoy the band We Came as Romans. If you'd like to add synths or something I would suggest checking out their song Dreams in particular. Its a pretty sweet blend of metalcorish playing with some electronic/synthetic atmospheres. I like textures.

ohnoitishorribl

07-15-2009, 04:02 AM

[QUOTE=Ulalume]I like it. Try to avoid the breakdown, though. If you must, make it a bit more complex please. Breakdowns annoy people, myself included, primarily because they tend to take away from the song and seem just like lazy music writing to a degree (because, lets face it, most break downs basically use 1-3 notes). A breakdown is when all the instruments simultaneously slow down. I've written breakdowns myself, however I've avoided the simple rhythmic chugs such as that. It would be more interesting if you wrote a similar riff like the one used in the verses, just during the breakdown section. If you want, keep the dissonant chug as a rhythm. BUT, for sure add some additional rif***e.

yeah dude i kept it kinda simple just for gp5 but im working on some more riffs to get it to flow better. Its just a work in progress right now. and i dont really know much theroy so i just gotta riff :P. but yeah man thanks for all the advice everyone. :)