A British Kamikaze

Two years on from the “Glorious Revolution” that was Brexit and we have found ourselves skipping merrily down the path towards being utterly cocked.

The giant, primordial, slobbering beast that is the EU, piloted by a monotonously bitter horde of Jurassic bureaucrats, will certainly be hell-bent on stripping us bare and lynching the British state as a warning to any other movements of yokels disenfranchised with continental rule. On the home front, we have had Corbyn and his cadre woefully tutting as May and her cronies clumsily appease both leavers and remainers, and yet with the most recent deal it would seem that everyone is content on having a good old-fashioned whinge at the status quo. The remainers are, well, still yammering on about ways to curtail the effects of ‘the glorious revolution ‘; whilst our 52%, headed by crackpots and opportunistic capitalists, declare the recent deal to be an affront to everything the referendum stood for, with our Right Honourable friend for the 18th century: Jacob Rees-Mog, leading a little mutiny despite shallow claims of loyalty to Mrs May.

However, as we bicker and engage in petty flame wars, we’ve lost sight of the old guard to whom should be held to account – namely our simply beloved former PM of the plebeians David Cameron. His blatant arrogance and disalusionment with the common rabble cannot be understated; now, regardless of your tribal affiliation, you’d have to be a vacuous ass to believe that all was fine and dandy in EU-ville. As Europeans our blood is hot with the will to dominate, so after a party of phlegmatic Brits suggested alleviating the grip on power, the powers that be only clenched down harder, such was the unfortunate result of Cameron’s half-assed ‘reform’ talks that aimed to tackle the EU’s blatant undemocratic and micromanaging tendencies. Cameron surely must have known he was backing himself into a corner through promising a referendum, from it he there were two paths:

Path A: the referendum concludes with a remain vote, the EU takes this as a sign that the British public doesn’t really care all that much and make moves to to begin the master plan of a full scale metamorphoses into a authoritarian superstate so we can scrap with the Russians.

Path B: we vote leave and endure two years worth of pessimism, doom and despair as our leaders jump ship, anarchy and chaos run rampant and after a decade or so 95% the isle of Great Britain as been reclaimed by the cold waters Atlantic and all that remains is the proud city of Swindon.

What was he thinking? It’s ludicrous. And upon the conclusion of several months of fervent verbal between half-wit proletariat men and ditzy drama students who are adamant about going travelling after their third years over, Cameron tucks tail and fades away from the public scene. Concurrently to Cameron’s resignation, we’ve got to bear witness to the smug frog-faced loon Farage strut around saying “I told you so” before hopping across the pond to brown-nose an orange, racist soon-to-be-leader of the free world.

Once the dust had settled of the big bang that was Brexit, everyone began to continue with their lives. Nevertheless, the long wet fart that would be the negotiation process, the likes of which would effectively be Raab presenting a plan to the the EU and receiving it back after all 28 of our continental exes have wiped their backsides with it.

One snap election later, in which we now have a coalition government with a bunch of Northern Irish archaic, homophobic radicals in coalition with our archaic, homophobic radicals, we have reached the end of the road. Not! With the recent deal technically being a deal agreeing on many more deals to come (a lot of deals) the previous two years have been a royal waste of time. I think one of the quintessential issues with Mrs May leading the government during these turbulent times is that she herself doesn’t believe in Brexit, as our former home secretary was a remainer. Ignoring the trivial bull of “serving the public interest”, you can’t fight for a something you don’t believe in, personally, since we’re leaving anyways, I’d rather see a horde of passionate brexiteers leading the charge than some sad, tired old wet-wipes like Theresa May.