Gary Brown: To whack ’em or not to whack ’em

Friday

Would you whack a robber in the head with a saucepan if you had the chance?

Would you whack a robber in the head with a saucepan if you had the chance?

I’m guessing you would, and you’d be pretty pleased with yourself. Oh, you might have some regrets. We are human beings, after all.

Later you’d be very sorry you had not been able to grab hold of something heavier, like a skillet.

Even those who still keep their 1960s-vintage anti-war T-shirts — who maybe still wear them — probably would not stand there peacefully beside a robber, complying completely with his wishes. “Don’t forget the extra $20 bill in the compartment behind my driver’s license. ...”

We’d whack him. We’d hit him up the side of his head.

Well, for one 70-year-old northeast Ohio woman, “to whack, or not to whack” was neither a hypothetical nor a philosophical question.

Perhaps you read or heard about Ellen Basinski, who grabbed her favorite pan when defending herself against intruders.

“She was on the phone with her husband Tuesday when four boys pushed their way into her home in Elyria, west of Cleveland,” reported The Associated Press. And so, said the AP story, she “grabbed her favorite pan to defend herself against the intruders rifling through her purse and cabinets.”

Whack!

“I was very angry,” I later heard her explain on TV. “I thought, ‘You have no right to do that to anyone.’”

We’d be angry, too. I think we’d also have the urge to grab the nearest pot. We’d want to whack.

Now, save the lawsuits. I’m not advocating whacking robbers, especially four young robbers. This time, it worked out. They ran. Later, some suspects were caught. It turned into a kind of feel-good story, for everybody but the guy who was whacked.

But the next time the robbers could whack back. Or worse.

Nevertheless, now that we know that she’s OK, many of us might find ourselves applauding Ellen Basinski.

I know this doesn’t sound Christian. I don’t technically know where the Bible stands on whacking robbers with saucepans. I’m sure there are verses that apply to this issue. The one about turning the other cheek comes to mind.

If we were honest with ourselves, though, we’d probably admit that we’d prefer the robber turn his cheek.

“Whack him again, Ellen!”

You see most of us, down deep in the darkest parts of our frustrated hearts, are getting a little tired of people who are proving their Biblical depravity — with our stuff. That doesn’t seem right.

Sometimes, we’d just like to whack ’em.

Contact Gary Brown at gary.brown@cantonrep.com

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