AnFonE's Blogs

Hospikal!

My aunty is currently residing in the local Hospital as I write this. Yesterday she was in so much pain that she just couldn't cope with it. But instead of calling for an Ambulance, we called for my mum. That's right, instead of the super-duper medical care that a trained professional can deliver, she wanted her sister to help her. Needless to say when she got here there was nothing she could do and ten minutes later the Ambulance was here. They wheeled her out to the vehicle and did some stuff, then ended up taking her to Hospital where she surprisingly spent the night. What's even more astonishing is that she's actually staying in for a few days. They need to give her brain scans and such to find out what's wrong with her and try treat the stuff they know is wrong with her but she won't really accept and try sort herself (medication). Karma works in strange ways I guess. I was going crazy trying to cope and deal with her constant wants and needs. I mean literally losing my temper and doing things with an attitude, kept to a minmum of course. But I needed a break, and I couldn't see it coming, then all of a sudden, out the blue, here is my chance to just kick back and not have to worry about anyone but myself for a while. Sounds selfish but I can't really describe what it's like going to sleep every night wondering if you're going to be woke up by the sound of my aunt in pain, being sick or struggling to do things. Or whether I'm gonna wake up to dead silence and find her just sitting there. So a little time away from that can't be anything but a good thing, and I think it'll do me alot of good at that.
After that time I thought she was dead the other month, I think I'm alright to cope with it all anyway, but it still not something you want or expect. I'll keep my composure and just do what needs to be done. I'm not all that much worrying about it these days either. I try to keep it out of my mind, but it's not easy. I guess in many ways I've thought about how I'd handle it, I've imagined different scenario's, and how I'd go about keeping things in check. Not willingly of course, I'm not morbid, I'm not aiming to think about someone's mortality. It's a real possibility though, so I can't not contemplate it. At least I don't have nightmares about it though. When it comes to delicate situations or things that require extreme care, they tend to play on my mind and affect my sleep. When my niece was born, I looked after her a few times when she was a few days old, and spent hours everyday with her. But I was always so worried that I'd hurt her or drop her that it actually gave me nightmares. I used to lay her on my bed and watch over her constantly. But with that came the nightmares when I'd wake up in the middle of the night thinking I'd fell asleep watching her and that she was under the covers and unable to breathe. That happened quite a few times, and was the worst thought to wake up to ever! I would rummage through the covers trying to find her until I come to my senses and realised she wasn't even with me.
Messed up? I think so. I'd have done anything to be able to avoid that whole thing to the extent that I'd sleep on the floor so if I woke up and thought that, I'd see the bed made neatly and know straight away I was having a nightmare. Her teething was the best thing ever for me, because it gave me an excuse to say to myself "You can't watch her" and with that it ended.
It's been a re-occuring thing with me though, when things play on my mind, I don't think about them consciously. Though they always seem to play out in my sleep. But never vividly either, I don't imagine it. It's like someone just said something to me and I've taken it as fact and woken up thinking it was true... I can't even remember how I got onto this topic... but yeah, messed up. I was supposed to have a friend coming up today, but other plans came to light which couldn't be ignored so yeah all alone for a few days. Not really a bad thing, the weather is finally taking a turn here, yesterday was thundering and rain was very heavy. I'd hate to have to go out in this. I was actually enjoying the sun while it was here, it'll return soon enough me'thinks. Spent most of yesterday playing Halo 3 Team Doubles with Wuch. Started off great, and then quickly deteriorated into Cannon Fodder, but it was a good laugh. After the Dou ble Team games became a fiasco we jumped into some Multi-Team and slaughtered just about everyone!!! I've seen like two/three other blogs with the same thing today but I'll add it for effect, where's the GTP Gamers at?!!?!!?! Halo/Poker/Equally cool multiplayer game, people? Everyone seems to be divided on what they enjoy playing these days. Unreal/COD/Battlefield/Gears/Etc Etc. Anyway, I guess that's enough from me today, I've said more than enough :-| I'll spare y'all the snapshots from yesterday haha.

Hope all is well with one and all
Have a nice day, if you still got the sun, enjoy it.
Stay Good!

Having a break away from the responsibility of your aunt will do you more than good, will give you the chance to be the young man you are, cant someone step in a few days every month just to give you some time to yourself ?

Your not being selfish for saying that you need a break, everyone needs to have time to them selves. Its very wonderful and caring of you to take care of your aunt, it must be a struggle sometimes to do so, and you do deserve a break at times! =)

its like us mothers enjoying the time away from kids yet dont know what to do then os of all the time. so its not being selfish, and you are caring for 24/7 for all the needs. enjoy your break! hope she gets better too in the meantime.

as for halo or any other games going im down for some gaming-thats if nothing crops up -shit happening at mo so its touch n go