How do you want to feel in 2016?

A story about saying the un-sayable

As some of you know, I am currently taking a break from my regularly weekly blogs. I needed to slow down on one business aspect as I started to speed up on another aspect, which is the development of an online course.

I miss writing! I miss our communication; even though for the most part it’s a one-way conversation, outside of the comments (I love when you comment) and emails I get in response.

Anyway, I’ll be popping back in now and again when I have the time and something really worthy of saying.

In this blog, I’m going to talk about a very emotional experience I had on my S-Factor retreat at the end of September. When I let myself be broken open.

Broken open sounds so aggressive, doesn’t it? Torn open? Split open? Blown apart? They all sound quite violent and yes, this kind of opening up is not for the faint of heart. But I know that allowing ourselves to be broken open is the only way to be fully realized and fully ourselves. Which is something that most women crave.

I’m sharing this story because I want you to know that you are brave enough to allow something out of where you keep it hidden. Being broken open has the power to set you free.

So this is the story about something that broke me open. In the right space. With the right support. Sometimes we need someone to give us permission to melt. To let go. To just release…to stop holding on so tightly. To go deep. To be braver than we thought we could be. Sometimes we need a loving and safe push forward. And this is the gift of putting yourself into someone else’s trusted, loving and safe hands. We can’t do it all by ourselves. We all need help.

In one of the exercises at the retreat, all of the women were asked to find that voice inside that said the most toxic and painful thing. You know….that voice. What we say about ourselves that we don’t want anyone to know. And then we were to find a partner who would write it down on our body, cross it out and write the opposite.

(For all of those women reading this right now and feeling their hearts beat and the panic of being in that room, I hear you! But trust me, when the time is right and the support is right and your heart feels safe enough to melt, you are ready. Because it feels so good to let go.)

Afterwards, walking around, I could see women with writing all over their bodies. Their toxic lines are familiar to all of us; “You don’t deserve to be happy.” “It will never work out for you.” “You are too damaged to be loved.” “You are stupid and ugly.”

I partnered up with a woman who I had never met before. But of course, we were sisters just because we were both there, both trying to melt, both being brave, both wanting more.

On her body, I wrote “You are cold.” (which is something that her husband said to her a lot…and it broke her heart.) And then I crossed it out and wrote “You are open and perfect.”

When it was my turn to tell her what to write, as I switched from healer to asking-for-healing, my voice split and I dissolved into tears saying the words that I wanted to bury forever.

On my chest, she wrote “You are unloveable”. And then she crossed it out and wrote “You are so loveable.” And decorated it with flowers and hearts.

And there it was. The unspeakable was written on my chest for all to see. And by saying the unsayable, I took one giant step towards the freedom and power that comes with allowing myself to be broken open. One journey. Many giant and mini steps.

Most of us have armour everywhere. To protect ourselves. And most of us have needed to be protected. And then, at a certain point, the protection becomes walls that prevent us from experiencing the kind of love, joy, self-acceptance and power we really yearn for.

So, here’s my question to you. Are you going to allow yourself to break open? To say the unsayable? To speak your truth?

And when I say, speak your truth, I don’t mean to anyone else. I mean to yourself. Before we can say our truth to others, we need to be able to say it to ourselves. With compassion. With deep love.

I’d love to hear in the comments below whether you have ever had an experience of being broken open and what it did for you.

3 comments

Wow, Sophie. What a powerful idea that we can let go of that toxic idea about ourselves that is holding us back. And I LOVE how it was done in your class. Good for you! Thanks for sharing this very special story.

I remember feeling that I couldn’t possibly raise a child in the city alone with no family. And then one day I realize I was absolutely capable of doing that. And so I did it and there were some difficult times yes…but they were the best years of my life. And I am proud to say that my son is a beautiful, warm.happy and successful young man. I wish I were more like him.
Penny