Brangelunatics have been email bombing me all day. The crime: not wishing The Chosen One a Happy Birthday at the beginning of her birthday. The Brange’s first blonde baby arrived four years ago in Namibia, accompanied by angels and harps, and since then, well, she’s become the Obsession. Of course lately even more so because she wears pants so the MiniVan and the tabloids are accusing her of being a Toddler Lesbian which should totally be the name of a new band.

It’s her sartorial sense that’s actually been the most endearing. The blob developed a personality. Shiloh has some badass styles, inspired perhaps by her idolatry of her brothers. I grew up with 3 boy cousins and my dad would drop me off every weekend (he had a third job in those days) at their place where I learned how to play football, baseball, tennis, video games, and eat hotdogs like a proper hotdog lover. Super fun. This is how I imagine The Chosen One’ s life. She romps around with her siblings, and dumbasses call her a dyke and her big sister Miss Zahara punches them in the face.