The Swampiest Tennis Around

If You Want to Ride, Don’t Ride the White Horse

Before I went to bed last night I prayed to God (Monfils) that he would deliver an exciting tennis match via my cable provider. Skeptics, do not turn your back on Monfils, he is listening! Okay, Okay so Kuzmantsova v. Chakvetadze was a bit disappointing (this will possibly be the ugliest women’s final since Murray v. Henman in a women’s juniors tournament), BUT Henin v. Venus restored my faith in religion, tennis and mankind in general. It also restored my chub.

Mommy long legs was aight in the first set, started to make a comeback at 5-3, took it to a tie-break, but quickly became unraveled losing the tie-break 7-2. She didn’t look too hot coming into the second set either, but made a slight comeback breaking Henin, but gave the break right back, resulting in the final 2nd set score of 6-4. Whoah, is that how boring sports writers sound?

The plays at net for both did more for women’s rights than anything I can think of off the top of my head. Perhaps NOW, should look into more volley-centric PR campaigns. At one point there was a 27(?) shot rally, most of which had Venus at the net somehow able to stave off Henin’s HGH powered forehands. At that point I had my checkbook out and ready to make a donation to NOW. Hell, I was ready to write a check to my roommate Beth just for being a woman. And you know what put that match over the top? Nobody cried.

Tomorrow should be sweet too. Davy D has ice in his veins, so you know he’s not going to cry. Federer didn’t even cry when the Virgin Mary brought him into this world (does this mean Monfils begat Federer?). Djokovic only cries when he’s impersonating (man those are getting tired) Kirk, and Ferrer is pretty much a robot built by Federer to keep RAFA! out of his face. So unless the Kooz starts balling because her penis falls out from under her skirt, tomorrow should be a cry-free day.