A Stupid Good Guide to Bitchy Beers: Summer 2013

Bitches need some time to get used to beer. Yeah, we wanna look cool. Yeah, we want to tell you all about the cutest little microbreweries in town. But when it comes down to it, beer has calories, beer has a gross aftertaste and dammit if I’m going to drink a beer it’s going to be damn fruity and delicious. Here is a quick guide to my favorite beers of the summer:

Samuel Smith Apricot Ale

This is a beer that doesn’t skimp on the fruit flavor. If you are a peach/nectarine/apricot fan, this is the beer for you. It comes in a bigger pint bottle so you get a good two drinks out of it. It also has an interesting nectar-like color and is sweet without being FlipFlop Moscato if you know what I mean…

Harpoon UFO Raspberry Hefeweizen

I had this last night at Tap 42 (Ft. Lauderdale) where, funnily enough, there’s 50 beers on tap. The first hefeweizen that I tried was the Shiner Ruby Redbird (below) and I really liked the light, not-so-hoppy flavor of a ‘Hefe’. Brewed in Boston, this Harpoon UFO definitely has that almost-fizzy lightness without any of that sour aftertaste. The bar’s thermostat was apparently nonexistent but this beer was so refreshing. I wish I could find it in Tallahassee but alas, I live in knowheresville.

Shiner Ruby Redbird

I had no idea grapefruits were grown in Texas as ignorant as that is. This beer definitely has more of a wheaty taste compared to the previous beers but it does have an awesome citrus flavor. You might be turned of by the ‘White-people-fruit’ (or so my roommate calls grapefruit) but Ruby Redbird definitely has a honey-sweet complement that makes it easy to enjoy.

In conclusion, you can totally look cool with a pint glass in your hand without restraining your ‘this is complete shit’ face. Take this info to the bar and you’ll totally look like a badass. Ain’t nothing wrong with a bitchy beer if the bitch can tell yah what a hefeweizen is, can I get an amen up in here?