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The Rose Arbour

The consultation for the lower yard was both exhilarating and frightening. By the time it’s as I envision it, I will be very poor, weathered and old. However, I’m undaunted, so I’m pumped for it all to begin, regardless of how calloused I will end up. That’s what the rasp for my feet is for, isn’t it? If I want to make Denis’ forehead move back an inch I sit on the couch and start working on my heels. He beats it out of there pretty quickly.

I finally weighed myself the other day and so am putting it out there publicly that I am now officially on a diet. I just can’t take it anymore, as I’ve noticed that the Michelin Man and I have quite a lot of rings in common. The most offensive of them being right under my rib cage, as every top I wear skims this area and makes it even more noticeable. I could have lived with the big butt and thighs, but this stomach fat is just too hard to conceal any longer. So, off it will have to come!

Discontinuing the food experiments is Step #1, and this is easy to do as I have decided against trying to introduce a third product. You may recall I was mulling over the idea of various chocolate pates, but after careful self-examination, have rejected it. For one, as the company’s sole purpose is to convert fruitcake haters into fruitcake lovers, to veer off into another product seems like folly. For another, I am the laziest human on earth, and cannot even bake fruitcakes, so why would I think I would actually do something more?

If I did want to experiment, which I don’t, then I would take mom’s boyfriend Gerry’s advice and do more research around the mini fruitcakes I made for Nokia Canada. Of all the people who give me advice, Gerry actually knows what he’s talking about, having been a tycoon for the majority of his 93 remarkable years. Actually, he just turned 93 and I was at his birthday party in Osoyoos.

Luke is now driving Denis’ old flatbed truck and has parked his little Neon here as he said he’s going to replace the motor. So, in the lower yard we have a defunct green van, the Neon (which will soon be put up on blocks and beneath a tarp) and Denis’ work vehicle. Beside this is a giant pile of yard waste. This is where I’m going to have a beautiful arbour, covered in pink roses. There is serious incongruity in our lives.

Another example of this incongruity is the other day I said to Denis how sad it is now that the place is empty of louts, due to Nicky having found his first girlfriend. Denis said, “It’s not sad to no longer have to deal with smashed rakes, lost tools, damaged furniture, vomit, broken dishes and loud music.” Oh, sure, when you put it that way, it’s not sad.