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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sometimes Good Things Happen, Sometimes Not.

Once upon a time, there was an author. She had written her lowly little first novel, about vampires. It was generally well-received, but it was one of those, "If you like it, you love it, if you don't, you hate it so much you wish you could destroy the very printing machine that spat it forth and cleanse it with fire," types of books.

The writer of the book was a bit taken aback at some of the vitriol spouted by some reviewers, namely Laurie Gold, who had this to say about Blood Fires:

Blood Fires: The Turning, Jennifer Armintrout (2006) - This debut by a fairly young author (she's 26) of the first in a violent vampire fiction series isn't a major disappointment, and it isn't boring. It's downright awful. My conclusion is that this is post-9/11 fiction for nihilists. Though the author created a couple of interesting characters and a difficult and intriguing tentative relationship for them, any interest I had was destroyed by one intimate scene that is the stuff of a true sadist's dream. I've no problem with gore in general; indeed, an oddly favorite moment in one of Anne Rice's vampire books features a couple of vampires literally breaking people's bones and devouring their bodies, yet a similar moment in this book nearly brought up my lunch. This was, for me, the worst book of the year.

This review was, in my opinion, just a titch harsh. Also, it made my mom cry. Maybe that bothered me more than anything. No, wait, it was the allegations of nihilism and sadism and something about 9/11, which is sure to call everyone to attention. Because 9/11 was bad, right? Like, how this book was bad? That's the only thing I'm getting here, because I don't understand why on earth it was mentioned.

Anyway. I made a little joke of it, while inside my head I was screaming at the top of my lungs like Regina in "Mean Girls" after she finds out that the Calteen bars are responsible for her weight gain. Then, I got over it. It was in the past, and not everyone had to like my books, right?

Let's do a hypothetical scenario here, shall we? Let's say that you made... something. How about... a cake. You made this cake, and you took it to a bake sale. The next day, you find out that someone at the bake sale thought your cake was the worst cake ever. Not only was it the worst cake ever, it was post-9/11 cake for nihilists. But it's all good, because Bake Sale Weekly came out, and they seemed to think your cake was pretty darn good. So good, in fact, that you could probably use their opinion of your cake as a way to advertise future cakes that you make, and people might buy your cake based solely on the good reputation of Bake Sale Weekly. Bake Sale Weekly wouldn't LIE to their readers, would they? Of course they wouldn't. But then, you find out that the person who thought your cake was something out of a sadist's dream was the same person who thought it was good in Bake Sale Weekly. Gosh, aren't you glad you're not the dumb sucker who plastered those positive words all over your cake? Wouldn't that be humiliating?

And really, the fact that all of this was exposed back in February, and I'm just learning about it now, that's really the icing on that big fat humiliation cake. It's rather like being thirteen years old and getting your period at the popular girl's birthday party and no one tells you that you're walking around with a big stain on your jeans. You find out later, when you get home.

I have no idea what lesson one should take away from all of this. Maybe it's that you can't trust Publisher's Weekly for reviews. Maybe there's some vote trading going on between the Russian and French judges. Maybe I should read Dearauthor.com more.

I don't know what I'm going to take away from all of this. But right now, I feel like the girl with the sucky cake who got her period at the bake sale. Or something.

EDIT: This entire fiasco was not Laurie Gold's fault. Her original review was not positive, but it was changed by her editors at Publishers Weekly to be a positive review. I do not fault Laurie on this one.

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I love that my readers want to buy my books out of support/curiosity. Any books I have written will be under Jennifer Armintrout/Abigail Barnette/Jenny Trout. I have no other pen names, and books without those names on them were not written by me, even if the spelling is really, really close.

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This is the official blog of Jenny Trout, writer, swearer, and all around obscene person. Under the name Jennifer Armintrout, I wrote USA Today Bestselling fantasy/urban fantasy/paranormal romance. Under the pseudonym Abigail Barnette, I write award-winning romance and erotic romance, both historical and contemporary.

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