Wednesday, December 24, 2008

If i could, i would visit each and everyone you to wish you the very best of this beautiful season.i would wrap my arms around you and hug each and everyone of you real tight.i would give you the perfect gift, say the words to mend your broken hearti would sit with you,hold your hand and chill with youi would bring you that special someone who's worthy of your time and youi would grant you the love that sustains,give you the peace you seekgive you joy that enduresgive you the closure you desiregive you the healing that liberatesgive you the rest you needgive you the new beginning you want...give you the perfect gift

i could,offer you the perfect gift! of the everlasting one, the prince of peace, the bright morning star. the one who is all the above and more. the reason for the season.friends, i give you JESUS.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Congrats to the newest Engineer in the house!the one and only Zephi-Fareiheit!

I wish you enduring success and everlasting joy.May you be blessed in ALL that you lay your hands to do (cough)May the grace and goodness of God be with you always.May you never forget how precious you are.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words.

I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

As I approached the intersection, a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian.

My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle.

An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.

I told the police that I was not injured but on removing my hat, I found that I had a fractured skull.

I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.

I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentlemen as he bounced off the hood of my car.

The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.

I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.

The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck my front end.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

I am very Thankful:for knowing and loving God and to be known and loved by Himfor Life as i know itfor Lovegood Health simple abundancejoy i can't explainanother bday my last year in my twenties my amazing mom and dadmy gorgeous and wondeful sister(am getting paid for this one!)my broda(beebee)my Family (long and short)my awesome friends (virtual and real)including u too madam gbegele! the clearing Hazemy girl Abi, who's just completed her rounds of chemo. yeah!the little things,the in-between, the big things, and the stupendous the one who declared he was "the one" my new life ahead

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

the effervescent 10 year old clearly stole the night and everyone's hearts in a room filled to the brim with celebrities like Hillary Clinton, Condy Rice,Annie Lennox, Nicole Kidman, Fergie,Tyra Banks, Mel B and her new hubby.Katie Couric presented her with the Woman of the year award which she shares with Hillary Clinton and Nicole Kidman amid loud cheers and tears.

read about her here

The little girl was waist-high, so small that the lawyers, clerks and judges hurrying through the courthouse in Sana’a, Yemen, almost missed her.

As lunchtime arrived and the crowds of noisy men and women cleared away, a curious judge asked her what she was doing sitting alone on a bench.

“I came to get a divorce,” 10-year-old Nujood Ali told the jurist.Her impoverished parents had married her off to a man more than three times her age, who beat her and forced her to have sex, she explained.

When she told her father and mother that she wanted out of the marriage, they refused to help. So an aunt provided her with bus money to travel to court and seek a divorce.

Within days of that April 2 encounter, Nujood’s tale and the plight of child brides in Yemen made international headlines.

And thanks to the efforts of human rights lawyer Shada Nasser, who took up her cause, the girl at the centre of the story has begun to overcome her trauma and dream of a better life.

Yemeni law sets the age of consent at 15. But tribal customs and interpretations of Islam often trump the law in the country of 23 million.

A 2006 study conducted by Sanaa University reported that 52 per cent of girls were married by age 18.

Publicity surrounding Nujood’s case prompted calls to raise the legal age for marriage to 18 for both men and women.

Yemen’s conservative lawmakers refused to take up her case but it sparked public discussion and newspaper headlines.

Several more child brides came forward, including a girl who sought a divorce in the southern Yemeni city of Ibb recently.“This case opened the door,” Nasser said.

Nujood says that at first she felt ashamed about what had happened to her. “But I passed through that,” she said, eyes narrowing in her black headscarf.

“All I want now is to finish my education,” she added, her mouth curling into a smile. “I want to be a lawyer.”

Nujood’s unemployed father, Ali Mohammad Ahdal, has two wives and 16 children. He is among the many tribal Yemenis who migrated to the capital over the last decades looking for work. Instead, he found misery.

In February, Ahdal arranged to have Nujood married to Faez Ali Thamer, motorcycle deliveryman in his thirties from his native province, Hajja.

Protector turns persecutor

Nujood’s parents said they were trying to do what was best for their daughter and didn’t even receive a dowry, a claim many Yemenis don’t believe.

The parents say the groom had promised he wouldn’t have sex with her until she reached puberty.

“We asked him to raise her,” said Shu’aieh, the girl’s mother.The groom has disputed that claim.

Ahdal, in his mid-forties, said he wanted Nujood to avoid the fate of two of his older sisters. One was kidnapped by a rival clan and another ended up in jail for trying to protect her, an example of the murky inter-tribal disputes that bedevil Yemen.

“I was trying to protect her,” Ahdal said during an interview inside his family’s two-room flat on the outskirts of Sana’a.Nujood looked forward to getting married, not understanding what it really meant.

Besides being a pre-adolescent bride, she is a fairly typical little girl. She likes playing hide-and-seek and tug-of-war with her friends and siblings.

Her favourite colours are red and yellow, she said, and her favourite flavours are chocolate and coconut. She loves dogs and cats and dreams of being a turtle so she could swim in the sea. “I’ve never seen the sea,” she says.

About 40 people attended the wedding in the village of Wadi La’a, where the groom lived. As a wedding gift, she received three new dresses and a $20 wedding ring. She was to live with him and his family.

The trouble started on the first night, when he demanded that they share a mattress. She resisted, walking out of the room, only to have him follow.

Sometimes he beat her into submission. For weeks, she cried all day and dreaded the nights, when he would enter the room, blow out the oil lamp and demand sex.

“I asked him not to sleep next to me,” she recalls. “He told me: ‘No, we sleep together in the same room. Your father agreed to accept me as a husband.’”

On a visit to her parents’ house back in the capital weeks later, she wept that her husband was doing unmentionable things to her. Her father claimed there was nothing he could do.

“My cousins would have killed me if I brought dishonour to the family by asking for a divorce,” he said.

But her mother’s sister discreetly advised her to go to court.The bewildered judge who found Nujood on the bench decided to bring her to his house for the weekend.

His daughters had a swing and toys she had never seen before. They had satellite television, and for three days she feasted on cartoons.

Once the work week began, the judge dispatched soldiers to arrest Nujood’s father and husband. He placed Nujood in the care of an uncle, her mother’s brother.

Still the lawyers and judges had no idea how to handle her case. Nujood and her uncle languished in the courthouse for days until a middle-aged woman, the only one in the courthouse without a headdress covering her face, approached them.

“Are you Nujood?” asked lawyer Shada Nasser, among Yemen’s leading women’s rights activists. “Are you the one asking for divorce?"

Nujood replied she was.

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Nasser said. The girl reminded her of her own daughter, Lamia, 8 years old.

Nasser went to the cell where Thamer, the husband, was being held, and was shocked at the age difference between the two. “Why did you sleep with her?” she demanded. “She’s a little girl.”

He didn’t deny it, Nasser recalled. Instead, he complained that Nujood’s father had said she was much taller and better looking than she really was.

Nasser vowed to Nujood that she would take her case without pay and that she would take care of her. She took her to her upscale home and offered to let her stay there.

Outraged, Nasser also called her contacts at the Yemen Times, the country’s English-language newspaper. The story of the brave little girl who went to court on her own to stand up for her rights captivated the country.

News agencies picked up the story and sent it around the world. By the time a sympathetic judge agreed to hear her case several weeks later, media packed into the courtroom. Verbally, the judge, Mohammad Ghadi, was merciless to the husband.

“You could not find another woman to marry in all of Yemen?” he demanded of Thamer. But legally, there was little he could do. No provision in Yemeni law provides for enforcement of sexual abuse charges within a marriage.

Not only did the husband and father go free but Thamer demanded $250, the equivalent of four months’ salary for a poor Yemeni, to agree to a divorce. A sympathetic lawyer donated the cash.

Nasser bought her some new clothes. Donations began pouring in, with several wealthy Europeans offering to pay for her education. One newspaper held a big party for her in its office. A Yemeni journalist gave her a mobile phone.

When the controversy died down, Nujood insisted on going back to live with her parents again, most likely because she is very close to her sister Haifa, 8. Her father promised her that he would not marry off her or any of her sisters.

The girl has refused to see a psychologist or a gynaecologist. She says she doesn’t like doctors. And besides, she says, the experience has made her stronger and wiser.

She says that she looks forward to beginning the third grade and pursuing dreams she never knew she had.

“I want to defend oppressed people,” she says. “I want to be like Shada. I want to be an example to the other girls.”

Monday, October 13, 2008

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, 'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money.Why did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.' Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.' Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat.. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Thanks Peze for this. i may not send it back every time or pass it on to 7 people to avoid bad luck or to prove i am not ashamed to proclaim the name of God, but i read them all before deleting and sending u a hiss or a R.E. where applicable.

Monday, September 22, 2008

PARIS) — A court decision to annul a Muslim couple's marriage because the bride lied about being a virgin discriminates against women and should be overturned, state prosecutors argued Monday.

A court in the northern town of Douai annulled the 2006 marriage in April because the husband discovered on his wedding night that his bride had lied about her virginity. The decision caused an uproar, with some in France calling it a sign that the country's secular values are losing ground to the traditions of its fast-growing immigrant communities. There are some 5 million Muslims in France.

The lower court based its decision on an article of the French Civil Code that states that a spouse can seek an annulment if the partner has misrepresented his or her "essential qualities."

Eric Vaillant, a spokesman for the Douai appeals court, said prosecutors told the three-judge tribunal during a nearly two-hour hearing that a woman's virginity is "in no way ... an essential quality," as the lower court had suggested.

Making a wife's virginity a condition of marriage "would be discriminatory because it would harm the principles of equality between men and women, of free use of one's body and the dignity of the human being," Vaillant said by telephone, summarizing the prosecution's argument.

The prosecution said it was not opposed to the idea of annulling the marriage, which neither couple now wants, but the motive must be "legitimate," in conformity with the principles upheld by France.

Vaillant said the court could base an annulment on an "error about the person, with the couple discovering their true respective personalities on the wedding night" instead of basing it on a false virginity claim.

"We are offering an exit door," he said.

Should the appeals court agree to simply scrap the annulment, the couple will remain married and be forced to seek a divorce.

The couple, a man in his 30s and a woman in her 20s, has not been identified by name. Neither was present in court, Vaillant said.

the pics in the previous post were from my trip to Aruba and yes lg, that was fire on his kini. lol

that's it? yes, for now. what more do u want?oooh! u amebos and gbeboruns! u want a detailed account of my time away?well, actually and basically i have a blogfull, but, u will have to wait! i have blog rounds to make and jubaing to do.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Saturday, June 14, 2008

am missing home badly! as in i want to just pack it all up and move back home. (naija of course!)it may sound crazy, but i can't shake the feelings.the thought that i may never go back to naija to live is very scary!

most of my friends including Mr my1 thinks am being naive, unrealistic and overly optimistic about being able to adapt to life in Lagos. my non-conforming nature, the lack of security,lack of infrastructure, non-existent rule of law and everything in between are the reasons cited.

what do i have to say to that?ngbano nko? (so what?) how will it get better if we all remain complacent here in comfort and luxury? what is success really if u can't share it with the people u love? can all the money in the world replace the sheer bliss of being able to reach out and literally touch ur parents and siblings at will? even with the petty squabbles and idiosyncrasies.

it saddens me when i feel more and more at home here while each time i go to naija i feel like a foreigner. it's even more sad to need a visa to visit a place i call home.

on my last trip in 2006, the immigration officer gratingly asked me at the airport: what is your meshone? lol (the exchange that followed is a post all by itself)i just kept repeating to my self, non confrontational voice, non confrontational voice...

the first week, i was too overjoyed to be home to notice anything amiss. all i did was eat,sleep and harass my parents. the one night we had a power holding, i begged them not to turn the generator on. it was fun to navigate the house with a torchlight.( flashlight)it was priceless to sit in semi darkness revisiting days gone with my mum.(i have a feeling we probably wud not have had the same conversation had there been light.) i even thot it might be a good idea for couples in the west to have a light out night! what better way to be romantic and be forced to talk to each other? (if only it was that simple. maybe it is that simple)

my only bummer was falling for mum's mind game that weekend by shelving my night life expedition with my cousins. despite being fully dressed and ready!the game:she didn't raise any objections as we made plans during the day,she even helped me pick out an outfit. but as soon as my cousins came back and woke me up from my nap around 10pm her demeanor changed.she sent my grandma to do the initial assault. she started by asking:grandma:ibo le nlo loru yii? (where are u going this late?)me: a kon sere lo ni(we're just going out)grandma:ibo gan ni?(where exactly?)me: clubgrandma:klubu? ile ijo? ki lo sonu te nwa lo?(what are u guys going there for?)me: (laughing) e ma worry a lo jina rara. a ni kuro ni island (don't worry, we'll be right back, we wont even leave the island)grandma:hmmm!grandma:se o mo pe bibire ko se fowora?(do you know that being of good lineage is priceless?)me: ailowo gidi ni yen granma (serious money can buy almost anything granma)grandma:ko le ye e (u 'll never understand it)grandma: je nwo igo lofinda yen(let me see that perfume bottle)me:se e like e?(do u like it?)grandma:(sniffing the perfume)o ja fikan (smells nice)mo laiki e (i like it)me: ma fun yin lola, mo need e lale yii(i'll give it to u tomorrow, i need it tonight)grandma: ose oko mi (thanks sweetie) she leaves singing: ajetunmobi, bibire ko ma se fowora o.....i quickly finished getting ready thinking i was home free.(little did i know)

i went downstairs to find my mum with smoke bellowing out of each nostril, ( i shud just have ignored her)

mum: are u trying to kill my mother? me: ?mum:she is very upset, she said "eni abire kii rinru" and awon o fe fiwu keke omo(good people don't keep late hours and she does not want to mourn a child in her graying years)lo yoju si won (go see her)

it was only 11pm!

i knew the game was up before i even entered the room, i cud hear her sniffling.i just hugged her and told her i was staying home.she smiled and handed me the tiger balm and i happily massaged her arthritic knee with it. i hugged and kissed her goodnight. she flashed me a happy and contented smile.i wanted to linger at the door to hear her victory dance but i had to wash the tiger balm off fast!i had no apologies for my cousins, afterall it was their grandma too, we just got some suya and chilled.

the highlight of my trip was the two days i spent with my grandma in her town she woke me up each morning with prayers and my oriki, we sat on the veranda both evenings with me clad in her over sized, starched and camphored ankara iro and buba with baba legba playing on a gramophone in the basa (big parlor)while she regaled me with tales of her days.i even drove her rickety 190e to the evening market for ofada rice and to mr biggs for snacks.

despite a 40-45 miles trip taking more than 2 hour of driving on potholed death traps and my close encounter with area boys on Nnamdi Azikiwe it was still a very nostalgic and beautiful trip.(yes o, am romanticising naija)

don't get me wrong o, am not trying to trivialize the serious issues in naija and i realize a vacation is not the same as living day to day BUT, i see the potential for greatness there and i still think of naija as home more than ever and i wonder, can we trully be at home away from home?

Sunday, May 18, 2008

what's the problem with tagging? they reveal way too much!the rules? why follow rules if rules follow u? (see, what i mean?)

SiX QuiRks! (am a quirk!)

(1)It annoys the hexagons out of me when people think they're paying me a compliment by saying: beauty and brains! (are they mutually exclusive?)

(2)I have never been lonely in my life! the truth is, i crave solitude like an addict crave their drug of choice. (i actually become cranky when over stimulated)

(3)I loooooove to eat! yet, i wud rather starve than to eat just anything other than what i want at that moment or eat in a place i perceive as unclean. of course, i do bukaterias!(it's not unusual for me to skip meals or drive gazillion miles to kutuwengi just to satisfy my palate)

(4)I love my walls, floors and sinks spotless!(no matter how tired i am, i clear out the sink and i mop the kitchen floor every night! yep! i wash walls too!) i have my mum to thank for that o. bathrooms? please don't go there!

(5)I cannot sleep sitting up or in motion. i travel quite a bit so i know o.(11+hours to Naija, nada! even 20hrs to Singapore sef!)

(6)my name is Sherri and i have a footwear problem! how bad is this problem? not bad joh! who's counting? lol

Friday, May 9, 2008

i sure hope u're all doing well..this month is chock full of emotions for moi.

roll out the drums o! am gushing with pride and joy! my two teenage mentees will be graduating high school with honors this month. (college bound in september)yeah!

mr my1 will be celebrating a buffday this month and it wud be two whole years we've been together.(how did that happen?)one of us is a saint.lol

am grappling with a friend's marriage breakdown. they seemed so perfect and happy together and yet they didn't make their 2nd annivesary!theirs was the first wedding Mr my1 and i attended as a couple, his induction, according to my girl Udu and his first encounter with golden boy.(been meaning to blog about that)am believing for God's intervention for them.(all prayers will be appreciated)

also grappling with another friend's serious health issues. (God is in control. more prayers o)

Brian Mcknight? heard some of his songs, thot he was a little nasal and whiny. that was until:

being dating this dude for two months after a two year sabbatical, he's sweet, nice, yada yada yada and a bit of stalkeraz. u'd think i wud be worried about the stalking and the eye lowjack, right? nope! i was miffed cos the dude hadn't made any attempt to kiss me!

as i drove to his house for the second time, with the intention of cutting him loose if he's still not willing to swap saliva. (ewwww!? na u sabi o)

he opened the door before i cud register a print on the doorbell, i quickly soften my eye as instructed by my girl Oyin(how? later! i have it down to a science)as we entered the living room, the light dims and the music starts, no excuse me dance or nothing, dude just assumed the blues grip. i oblige thinking in my head(bush naija man!)i asked him, who was singing. (this was not Barry white or Marvin Gaye)

he said: "just listen and pretend am singing to u."midway into my rolleyes, the words registered!

i held my breath waiting for the song to end but it ended only to start again and again and again and again.he raised my face to his just in time for me to see his lips leaving his face and coming at me in slow motion (twilight zone music)

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said,

"Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell are like."

The Lord led the holy man to two doors

He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths.

The holy man shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. The Lord said, "You have seen Hell."

They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man's mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The holy man said, "I don't understand."

"It is simple," said the Lord.

"It requires but one skill. You see they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves."

Thursday, March 20, 2008

it's not a huge deal to have my dad in town, cos he usually pops in without any prior notice. it's usually "am in the country and will be leaving tomorrow when can i see u?" and of course like an idiot, i wud drop everything, i have even skipped crucial classes a couple of times just to see him. after several late nights at various hotels and numerous meaningless conversations in airport terminals, the nostalgia gradually wore off. each hurried lunch,nocturnal meeting and hasty goodbyes left me emotionally drained. so i met him less and less and he called less. that was until my trip to naija in 2006. just like old lovers, we continued where we had left off, but with urgent fervor. i have my Daddy back!

ironically, he didn't travel as much as he used to, but he calls regularly and i call whenever the spirit moves me.

on his last trip he actually spent a night with me, it was rushed as usual, but it was very different. gone was the usual weariness i usually feel after he's gone.

back to the story: dad calls to say he was in Miami and will be coming to my city the next morning, which is Tuesday. as i was thinking in my head "does this man realize i work? he added, " i 'll see u in the evening after my meetings, shall i meet u at home? or we cud meet for dinner in the city? wow!

five days with moi, no meetings, just me and my daddy! one slight problem o, i had food shopping to do!never mind that the naija supermarket was a good hour away, and i had no clue as to it's hours. more than two hours, a fortune and a half later, i was ready to cook up a storm.

chei, naija soups are time consuming! (if anyone knows any useful shortcuts, it will be greatly appreciated o) after the fourth pot was cooked and carefully refrigerated, i crawled up the stairs to my room. as tired as i was, there was no way i could sleep without a shower with the pungent odor of naija food pouring out of every pore! i finally get into bed at 1:00am! oblivious to the 4 messages from Mr my1 or even the fact that we hadn't spoken in 24hrs.

the phone rings a half hour or so later, i still have no memory of the conversation but Mr my1 swears, i begged for forgiveness and a promise of something he's really looking forward to collecting on. lol. i wished him luck.

anyhow, am still mesmerized by dad's "effusity" (his word)lol and dad seems happy and proud. the soups were a big hit and he noticed all the changes in the house from the minute details even to the new kitchen. and most importantly he loves the library!

we pretend to watch TV every evening after dinner, but all we do really is gist and argue about a sundry of issues till late into the night. every night, i learn more about the man and much more about myself.

last night he accused me of being an ethical humanist disguised as a christian!why? he wonders if i pray, cos he has yet to hear my night prayers.(argggg!) he whips out his electronic bible to prove his point, his point: prayers shud be loud and forceful! i asked if God was hard of hearing or was in the company of rowdy angels. he didn't think it was funny.back to the main gist:earlier tonight, as we power watched ocean's twelve in prep for ocean's thirteen, he turned to me and said."u don't know how wonderful it is for me to spend this time with u.i have missed the closeness we used to have...."

Monday, February 25, 2008

i think i just found my mind!when did i lose it? how? too many questions

I came home Sunday night after another weekend away.as the peace and tranquility enveloped me. i realized how much i have missed my house.the familiar hum of the viking refrigerator,the plushness of my afghan sofa, even the annoying whirring of the gas boiler.

after checking my voicemail, i went from room to room getting reacquainted with my home. my bedroom, just the way i left it Friday morning as i hastily packed,clothes strewn on the bed and chaise. the floor,it was spotless!a half drunk cup of tea sits on the nightstand right next to a stack of newly acquired books begging to be read.

i hang the last of the clothes in the closet to reveal the perfectly made bed. not able to resist anymore, i get into my bed still fully clothed and i happily pulled the comforter over my head.

it seems my bed has missed me too, cause it gently cuddles me in its bosom as if to never let go. i hug my body pillow even tighter.

i was awaken out of my reverie by the whine of my front door sensor followed by footsteps on the stairs. a deep sigh, just as Mr my1 walks in with my bags.i would have loved to have seen my own face, cause he dropped the bags and rushed over, asking if i was alright.

as i raise my eyes to meet his worried and searching gaze,i knew i had to tell him. that, i am so damn tired of keeping up appearances and i need my weekends to myself. just me by myself in my pyjamas all weekend puttering around, reading, eating anything and everything or just doing whatever i please!

i know, some of you are probably thinking. she's having a meltdown! (Au contra re!) did i say i found my mind?

we have spent nearly every weekend together meeting expectations since December except for the one with my girls in January. okay, the Christmas period and the parties was fun even romantic. but it's not fun anymore. between his obligations and mine we have practically every weekend booked! did i mention, i am a recovering recluse?why do we have to be at social gatherings together? cause we are expected to!

if i show up without him, i will spend half the time explaining his whereabouts to each enquirer. answers like, he's busy or he has other engagements is the same as saying we 're not together anymore.

it's a different cup of tea if he shows up without me, more often it's perceived as him been on the prowl or escaping from my deathly grip depending on the gathering.if it's a close friend of his, i get labelled a snob. several times, after he 'd walked in alone, his close friends had called me to ask why i didn't come with him. one even succeeded in making me feel so guilty i had to get dressed and join them.

so, i just came out and told him outright. i am exhausted and i will not be going anywhere next weekend and maybe the next. no more "just showing faces".

he sat there in silence for a while one brow arched while twisting the ring he now wears on the second finger of his left hand. finally, he asked if it had anything to do with his aunt and uncle's interrogation this weekend at his cousin's wedding. i suppress a laugh as i answered in the negative.he smiled and he simply said "that's okay babe".

i did a little victory dance inside.

i understand the necessity of expectations but,i just refuse to be a slave to it.i also understand the futility of trying to meet society or other people's expectations. frankly, i find it quite exhausting.the only expectation i care to meet is mine and mine alone.

Friday, February 15, 2008

I recall watching with dismay as the females admired and goshed over the bride's ring. some compared sizes, cut,clarity and even managed to insult the unfortunate girls with "baby stones". i stayed nice and quite, or else, they will all conveniently misconstrue anything said as jealousy or worse. my crazement.

it made me realize why the bride's odeshios brother wud, from seeing the reactions to the ring wud conclude. it's every female's deep desire to have a ring from a man.

my crazy mind only likens engagement rings to branding livestock. the glaring double standard is appalling, yet most females tend to ignore it. the male proposes with a ring, female accepts and happilly wears his ring to show the world she's snagged a man. the man on the other hand needs no ring to show the world his new status or does it not matter until he actually gets married?

what is the allure of the ring?of course, i love rings they're my second fav accessories right after shoes they're not accessories? like men?(silly me!) how could we ascribe so much power to a piece of jewelry?i have been told it confers rights and priviledges.does it really?

it grieves me to see females agonizing over not being married at a certain age.i know, it's conditioning. but why wud any female not see how absurd it is?it seems that most females just want to join the "mrs club" at all cost.

some put their lives on hold,curtail their aspirations, trade in their personalities, lower their standards,overlook serious character flaws, condone and tolerate abusive behaviour just to be marriageable!why on earth do u want to marry a man who is threatened by ur intelligence and achievements? or a man who is not comfortable with ur independent nature? or worse, a man u can't be urself around?

by virtue of the design, the modern marriage is destined for failure from the very start. a female is sheltered and pampered her whole life,has everything provided by her parents, has no clue what a simple budget is, talkless of how to balance a checkbook, and yet this same female is married off and is expected to run a home successfully? talk about sink or swim!

i remember my mum's remark when i upgraded from a condo to a house.here i was, thinking she'd be proud and excited, she first asked what was wrong with the condo. i told her nothing, other than the house was a better investment and more private. she looked around the entire house,then she said "so mo pe o le dan iru eleyi wo ni naija?" -u know u wud not dare try this in naija?i didn' need to ask further to know she meant it was a taboo for a single female to own her own place or a nice car if she harbors any hopes of ever getting married. little did she know, despite not being in naija, there's no escaping naija. as i expected, some called me a snob for moving to the burbs and running away from people, even too oyinbo. the most surprising was hearing one of my girls, voice her concern about my banishment to singlehood hell for life cos now, men will feel like they have nothing to offer!(no, i didn't slap her)

come to find out later, she was partialy right! i couldn't for the life of me attract men who had nothing to offer, but i attracted one who had more than something to offer....Love

why can't some females understand that, they don't need a lot of suitors. just one suited for them, and how can u know who's suited for if u don't take the time to know urself and pursue ur own goals?

i have my reservations about the marriage institution, no surprises there, i hope.is it ordained by God? really now? adam and eve were married? abraham and sarah? is it then safe to assume that concubines are part of God's plan for marriages? oh, i forgot! he changed his mind in the new testament.lol

please don't get me wrong, i believe in God, i even believe the bible is inspired by God. but i refuse to accept that a loving God wud ordain marriage as an instrument of oppression for females.

do i believe in marriage? if thats what a committed, mutually satisfying and loving relationship in which both partners are free to be themselves is called. yes ke!

Thursday, February 7, 2008

what is it with all dem people getting married by the droves this year?between the save the dates, engagement annoucements,and actual invitations, we have amassed quite a stack.

still on weddings, a good friend as opposed to a bad one is getting married in a couple of weeks, so, madam prego and i went to her bridal shower.from my previous experiences,(i have been to quite a number of dem o) bridal showers were always an all girls affairs. am i wrong?

so, u can imagine my surprise to see a handful of guys at this shower.all the games went very well despite the presence of the guys until the over sabi ditzy chief bridesmaid (yup, how did u know?)noticed the guys weren't included in the games and decided to include them.

bride showered with lingeries she will never wear, some two sizes too small, some just simply ridiculous, some belonging in a torture chamber or better yet,a house of horror, some clearly not meant to be worn by any sane female. can someone please educate me on what purpose handcuffs, whips, leashes,studded gloves and metal collars have to do with making love?

anywhos, a few sensible gifts here and there, foods, drinks and more silly games and it was all over.(thank goodness)

i drop off madam prego and head to mr my1's house as ordered.(oh yeah, i take orders from him now o. since when? since we had "the couple's goals and refle wateva talk. that is a post all by itself)

just as i let myself into his house with his key, my key?(wateva)and feeling really pleased with myself for finally remembering to put it in my bag for once, my phone rings.(no name and an unknown#)pick up to hear a male voice.

him:hello Sherri

me:who is this?

him: u forgot me already?(with a laugh)

me:who is this again? getting annoyed)

him:u were playing games with me not too long ago

me:(one of the guys at the bridal shower) sorry,i didn't quite catch ur name

him: i didn't throw it

me:(roll eyes) look, am just trying to be polite here. who are u ?

by now, mr my1 has one brow raised(mouthing whos's that?)as i shrugged

him:the one u gave ur # to

me:u are def calling a wrong #

him:there was another sherri there?

me:obviously

him:am just playing, am dj, the bride gave me ur # am her brother(recalling his face)

me:oh!(wondering why she wud, knowing fully well i have a man)

him:oh?

me:can i ask why?

him:why am calling or why she gave me ur phone#?

me:both

him:cos i want to talk to u and as per naija style i pulled the right strings

me(now irritated)did she happen to mention that i have a boyfie?

him:oh yeah, i know u have a bf of almost two years

me:(letting my guard down) so kilo happen?

him:ko si much, wud u have dinner with me tommorrow?

me:?

him:i like u and wud like to know u better

me:u know i have someone, right?

him:someone for almost two years and no ring? at ur age?

me:(annoyed)at my age? wth! is that supposed to mean?

him:don't kid urself, u shud be in a serious relationship by now

me:i see, and u are offering that serious relationship right?

him:u never know

me:(laughing)i'll take my chances with my unserious guy.take care.(click)i turned to face a bemused mr my1.(i was not amused)

i realized how much i have mellowed, what ever happened to that spitfire sherri? i bet she wud have told him off after the first word out of his runny mouth, wud he have even dared call? i miss her lots.

wait! i feel her coming back!(alright!) i roll my shoulders ready to lunge at mr my1, at any provocative word(yes, any word, even my name!)

he must have sensed her presence, cos he just drew me close with that trademark twinkle in his eyes and said, barely above a whisper "i take it there were guys at the shower eh? oya, come explain urself o "

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

no doubt about it that was the best superbowl game ever!and my boys played their hearts and cute butts off!(enhanced by lycra of course)big ups for homeboy Osi,he did us proud o too bad he's too young, if he was just three years older, mr my1 would have a major problem on his hands for sure.lol

Thursday, January 17, 2008

for obvious reasons, i couldn't wait for the day to end.as i headed home drained, all i wanted was a long bath and my bed (decided to skip the church service)

i need to confess, i wasn't in turmoil over just the two events of the day,the two women's dilemma brought back some unpleasant perhaps repressed memories.

exactly 5 years 2 months and 18 days ago, i was in the same position, my reaction was not anything like my reaction today.

the eventone of my girls,(she knows am writing about this) had gotten pregnant by a "hit and run" just 23years old without a meaningful job or income opted for abortion.Saying i came down hard on her would be really putting it mildly! (i was a baby christian at the time) i refused to be a part of it, i pointed out all the other options available, i even offered her financial assistance, i didn't speak to her for two weeks.

i remember that day very vividly, it was sista Roli's 35th bday (that was the only day the particular clinic did the procedure)we had all prearranged months prior to take her out since she didn't want any "noise"

not knowing she had the procedure done that day or what the recovery process was, i arrived at sista Roli's house dressed and ready to go out, only to meet five solemn faces.when i found out she had the abortion that day, i was livid! she chose the day knowing well it was sister Roli's bday and boy, was i ready to tell her how selfish she was.i asked to see her in sister Roli's room, sister Roli begged me to leave her alone but no, i insisted, it must have taken her like 5 minutes to get up but i wasn't deterred.

once in the room, let's just say, i said a whole load of crap, she didn't say a word! she just sat there looking at me with the saddest eyes (she was sitting cos she was too weak to stand) i yapped and yapped and yet she just sat there staring as if not seeing (she's not the kind not to fight back)still not satisfied, i made to take my tantrum to the others, i turned to take one last look at her and i guess say more crap, she was now in a heap on the floor sobbing quietly...

my heart broke into a million pieces at the sight of my feisty childhood friend curled up into a ball weeping uncontrollably, as i stood rooted to the spot, she started to howl much like a wounded animal..

hours later all six of us laid on the floor in that darkened bedroom exhausted from crying.

we try not to remember the crying fest that was sister Roli's bday party...(no noise, just an ocean of tears)

*****************************************************************************so u can understand my state of mind.

reluctantly i accepted Mr my1's offer to bring dinner and hang out for a little while.knowing how i love to eat,he watched in silence as i played with the food, he tried to make jokes, made a comment about my not having music blasting as usual.(wareva)

as much as i didn't want to talk about it then i knew he wouldn't leave unless i did, so i told him about the events of the day.( i couldn't tell him about my girls 's past)

his eyes narrowed,(i was so not prepared for what was coming)and his mouth opened and closed for what seemed like an eternity..

basically, he was surprised i didn't try to persuade her(little sister) to have the baby, how he thinks she obviously came to me for direction seeing that she didn't come to me the fist time, and how it was not just her decision alone, if the father wanted her to keep the child she shud def keep it.(i asked,does wanting mean the same as will be responsible for? to his annoyance)he wanted to know if i wud kill his child(o yes,i told him,i didn't know he had a child to more vexation)

he went on to complain about how he was not happy i spent the first weekend of the year with my girls(yes o, we went away to the mountain top) how we have not had "the couple's reflection and plans" for the new year (there is such a thing?)blah blah..

all i had was a rueful smile on my lips, i had no fight in me at all.he finally left in a huff to my relief.(he later called to apologise and we talked long into the night)

i wish he'd known that, us girls had to go away that weekend because over the Christmas holidays we realized our lives are changing rather rapidly and will def never be able to get away together as usual for a long time.why? despite three out of the five being married, we were still able to get away together at least twice a year, but now, with a child on the way, we had to accept the inevitable.

yes o, my girl is expecting her first baby! and i get a chance to redeem myself,(yes, am still paying)i have resolved to be there for her every step of the way.(her poor husband has accepted his fate)

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

a tap on the door, looked up,it's my lovely 22 year old little sister!(my sister by nomination)i flash her a smile, motions her to come in and take a seat while i grid/update a file.she walks into my office and she closed the door,(the girl does not know the word privacy! so i knew it had to be really good or very bad)

she smiled as she takes a seat

me: what's up?her:i have something to tell ume:okayyy

her: u re going to be very disappointed in me, i am so sorry to let u down...(sobbing)me:what did u do now?( deciding not to make any assumptions) her:i am pregnant..me: no!(looking at her in disbelief,i would never have guessed that)her:this is the second timeme:crum!(trying to compose myself)what are u going to do?

her:i know what u 're going say! it's a sin to kill God's gift and all that, but there's no other choice! i can't have this baby! there goes all my dreams of graduating next year,owning my own house, driving the car of my dreams before i turn 28!... like u... u are so wrong! wrong! wrong! am so so stupid!...

me:calm down(now on her side with a box of tissue and hugging her)u thought i was going to judge u? cos am a christian? u def don't know me at all.(shaking head )

her:i have heard u say women should be tested for mental illness,given competency tests before licensing them to have children!me:exactly! u my dear, would have flunked nicely! u def don't want to know what i think shud be done to adults who engage in unprotected sex!just kidding! look, u know i care very deeply about u, i still think u 're bright and the sky is ur limit. i respect ur choice. it is ur choice u know?. her:i feel very badly, but there's no other way.. me:what does he say?her:am not telling him this time, the last time he cried and begged me to keep it!me:aw www!her:u think i shod tell him?me:it's ur choice. u know how i feel about keeping secrets and lying, it takes too much energy to maintain a lie and it always ends up biting u in the butt.her:he's going to make it more difficult for meme:do u hear urself? he's not the one carrying the child and he's partially to blame her:thanks, i 'll keep u posted.me:if u need me for anything, just askher:babysitting?(smiling sadly)me:neh gah tive! i don't think so!

i hug her tight.she leaves to face her day and me mine in a state of turmoil..

about two hours later,a tap, i look up, it's another sister.this one is beaming with joy! she announces she's pregnant with her first baby after just five months of marriage.as i hug her, my eyes brims with tears, of joy for one and sadness for another.