West Coast Book Tour

Portland was great! So nice to start the tour seeing familiar faces from Lewis and Clark, and even someone from my old high school in SF: The Urban School. I got to touch a pregnant mom's belly, and cheer on a gorgeous couple that just inseminated last night (encouraged to get to it by my talk last month). Also had a great conversation on KBOO with book club members, one of whom was the mother of five! I love how this book elicits birth stories and pregnancy narratives, and especially important discussions about how our culture can do more to support mothers, children and families.

Comments:

Comment #1 by Warren R. on March 23, 2007 - 5:56pm

A wonderful presentation in Seattle--it's always great to hear you speak. A couple thoughts I had: I was really struck by and understood completely your admission to your feelings regarding bio vs. adoptive/step children. While each of my boys is adopted, they came into my life at different times and at different ages. It's not to say that I don't love each one completely, but the feeling is truly different. With my youngest, he came to us at 17 months from Russia, it was an arduous journey to get him and when I was there (in Russia)I kept hearing over and over again how much he "looked" like me. I think this served as sort of an artificial DNA kind of thing and helped me to bond with him as much as I could. I believe I love him as completely as any parent of an adopted child could. Yes, I'd lay down my life for him but I have to admit as well that I'm not sure I can say the same for my older two (they were adopted from the foster system). I won't say the love is less, per se, it's just different. I can only imagine the depth of the bond for a child who truly did share my DNA and for you, a woman, with a child whom you carried for nine months. I don't think it's selfish at all for you to say and feel what you did; I think it's brave that you're so honest about it. My partner and I talked for a long time about co parenting/surrogacy and we had the same issues (we're a male couple). Whose sperm would it be? Would it be easier to create a cocktail (ick!) and not know? In the end, it made sense for us to choose what we did though it wasn't an easy and wholly satisfying choice.

Comment #2 by b on March 23, 2007 - 7:02pm

Greetings Rebecca,What an absolute gift it was to meet you for a minute in Seattle at the Douglas-Truth Library. The day was filled with so many synchronicities: bell hooks, dreams, Hawai'i, writing, mothers, mixtapes. J I immediately put all books aside (I'm revisiting bell hooks) and splashed right into Baby Love. What a treat! Thank you.

Comment #3 by Carla on March 23, 2007 - 9:39pm

Dear Rebecca,I attended your reading at Douglass-Truth library yesterday evening. I enjoyed your talk very much, for many reasons and on many levels.I, too, am biracial. I'm just now reading Black, White, and Jewish, and though I suspect that by now you're in a different place as a writer, I am thoroughly enjoying your voice. And, of course, there are some parts to which I deeply relate. I, too, am pregnant in my mid-thirties

Comment #4 by Karen on March 24, 2007 - 2:26am

I'm disappointed in so many ways. Mostly, I'm disappointed that someone who writes a book called "Baby Love" and who has, obviously, so much influence on so many people would imply that adoption is the same as step parenting (it's not) and would say that the love is less. Anyone who thinks the love in an adoptive family is less should see my husband, my daughter, and me interacting with one another. We might not share DNA, and we look nothing alike, but we are an amazing family, more a family than many of the blood related people that I know. I dislike that from the reviews I've read and the posts and comments here that it seems that "Baby Love" refers largely to getting pregnant and giving birth, and loving that aspect of it, rather than the nitty gritty of parenting and loving a baby. When I was struggling with infertility it occurred to me that really, what I wanted was a baby, not a pregnancy. When we met our daughter for the first time it was incredibly magical and a day I will never forget. Couples became families in a tiny room in the middle of China. My heart stops thinking about it, about the sweet anticipation and the actual meeting, so full of pent up love and a desperate desire for motherhood finally culminating in that first family moment. To deny that it was as special as pregnancy or birth is to deny the very origins of who we are. On your tours might I suggest that you also congratulate and celebrate those families about to experience baby love through adoption or step parenting (and they are different ways of parenting). My child making us a family through adoption deserves as much celebration as one born to us. By denying that mothers love their (adopted) children less because those children are not born to them, you deny those children an essential love that every child is entitled to. Finally: Warren, I was surprised by your comments--especially "I believe I love him as completely as any parent of an adopted child could." It seemed as if you were qualifying your love--that parents of adopted children can only love their kids this much, not any more. And admitting you don't love your two older kids as much--while honest--is not something I believe is only saved for adoptive parents.I look forward to the day that all families can be celebrated equally, and people with the capacity to affect change and contribute positively to adoption do not hurt it with ideas about adoptive families being lesser. It just isn't the case.

Comment #5 by Danielle's Daily life on March 25, 2007 - 1:08am

I am really glad your book is finally out- I forgot about it. Can't wait to get it. I read the review on Amazon, and didn't know that your mom reacted the way she did. I, too am googling my way to information overload. My doctor finally told me it might be a good idea not to go online anymore. I have been really meditating on the following idea-To *only* go by *my own* situation, what *I myself feel*, and what my doctor says.

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