Five Minute Friday

It’s that time again folks. Where we bravely battle the need for perfection and over editing and just write. No holds barred – writing for the sheer joy of it. And if you’re ever free on a Thursday night you’re gonna find the best party EVER on Twitter #FMFParty. So head on over to our lovely host Lisa-Jo Baker and join in.

LISTEN

I don’t do this over-well. Listening. I don’t always wait until the other person is finished talking before I jump right in with my own words. I’m not very proud of it, in fact I can be quite ashamed of myself and more often than not I end up beating myself up.

Sometimes I can see it in people’s faces, the look of annoyance when I interrupt them. I have been told I can be a bit “in your face” what ever that means. I do know that it’s not intentional. I do know that I want nothing more than curb my tongue and listen to your words.

If you only knew how I would berate myself after our conversation. How I absolutely dissolve because I’ve spoken to soon and offended you. And then my mind starts wandering with all kinds of lies. You can’t possibly be liked Tonya. They tolerate you, Tonya. You’re annoying Tonya. All because I can not for just a little bit zip my lip and let you talk.

I’m learning to be better at this, learning to lean in and press close and hear your words and your heart. I’m learning that my words while they may be important don’t always need to be spoken out loud.

I’m learning that when we’re sitting down with our hearts wrapped up in conversation that what you say is so important. And… sometimes what you don’t say is even more important. I’m learning that if I don’t tame my tongue my heart cannot hear your heart.

So I promise you this… that the words that I don’t say – because I know I can’t fix your hurt or your pain – will flow straight to God’s ear on a prayer. I will wrap you in my arms and do nothing more than murmur that you are loved and cherished. I promise that I will listen and not talk.

LOVE this. I’m not always the best listener, though it’s something I’m trying to work on. I love what you said at the end…that the words not said can be a prayer…so good. Happy Friday to you, sweet friend. Thank you for this! 🙂

This is me, Tonya!!! I’ve actually had a coworker pull me aside and tell me that my interrupting was hurting people on my team. 🙁 This is something I struggle with daily, but God is helping me, and I have certainly come a long way.

Man, what would it be like if we were talking to each other? Neither of us would ever finish a sentence 😉 Hahaha! Love you!!!

Debi – this is a constant struggle – and what I find the hardest sometimes is that my desire to fix or take a way someone’s pain closes my ears – I have to learn that even silence can be healing. Thank you so much for stopping by here and saying hello.

Growing up my family was always talking and we’re all a very passionate bunch. So our natural style of talking is interrupting and finishing each others thoughts and sentences. And it worked fine. Our voices would get higher and higher because like I said, we’re all pretty passionate. But no one was angry or arguing, we were just having a robust conversation. When I married my husband who is VERY quiet and doesn’t talk much, I’ve had to temper some of that enthusiasm or he cannot get a word in edge-wise. I think there are lots of different styles of communication and I owe some of that to my Korean ancestors I’m sure. But it’s always important to assess who you’re talking with and sometimes to hold your tongue. But don’t hold back when we meet, I wanna hear what you have to say.

I won’t hold back I promise – but I will just enough so we can share our hearts together… My husband as well came from a very quiet family – so my very Dutch, big and loud family was a little overwhelming for him – but he’s getting better at reminding me when I’m being too “in your face”

Oh girl. Thank you for sharing so bravely. I too have had to walk the road of overeagerness in conversation, and GIRL is it ever hard to hold my tongue! But I’ve noticed that in holding it in a little bit, I do hear more. Because I enter into conversations knowing I won’t speak as much as they will, my ears and heart are tuned in differently. Don’t get me wrong – there are some friends with whom I just prattle and talk and they hold their tongue for mine. You need a place to just ramble! Which is what this comment is doing… {sigh} you just touched a nerve with this post and I really appreciate it. The end. =)

Dear TonyaSometimes I think we have forgotten that we have been created with two ears and one tongue! May we listen and hear much more than we talk, dear friend. After all, our words are not as important as the ability to truly listen and hear.Much loveMia

I think you were writing about me and was just to sweet to use my name. I am so bad about not letting others finish before I atart. I know that about myself. I try not to but it just seems to happen. May God continue to teach us to keep our mouths shut. LOL!!!

Amy – you’re so sweet! And as the rest of the comments attest to we are not alone friend – it seems we have a communal struggle – and when we bring our struggle to the Body we can pray for one another – praying for you friend.

Rachael – It is isn’t it – sometimes I wish I could sew my mouth shut – it would help me listen better wouldn’t it? LOL. So happy you came for a visit and so happy that you linked up to Five Minute Friday for the first time. {hugs}

Oh my … I most certainly could have written this, and have been working over a decade to remedy it too! To sit and listen and then sometimes let there be silence, a connection of hearts instead of just voices, can be so very powerful. Beautiful post!!

Phone conversations can get even more annoying. You think there was a pause, so you jump in… but really, they paused for some other reason (a dog barked, a bug flew in their face, a pause in the cellular network, etc). I understand where you are coming from. I sometimes share this habit. Most wouldn’t believe it, because I generally come off as reserved, silent, and contemplative. But those who I am very close with see the other side. They are still around though. Very forgiving?

All is grace friend – and it sounds like your friends and family love you! Phone conversations can be hard because you’re missing all the non-verbal cues that might clue you into the fact that they have more to say… Thank you so much for popping over and saying hello.