I recently wrote a post on the 15 Styles of Distorted Thinking. It’s important to acknowledge when we have been operating in one of these styles and to further acknowledge when we are telling a story that we’ve created in that mindset.

Years ago, I went to massage therapy school – more so to learn the spiritual aspect of mind-body, which is probably why I better remember those courses than the ones on anatomy.

One of my teachers in a mind-body-spirit class repeatedly taught lessons during which he would often throw in the phrase, “No, that’s YOUR story.”

He would talk about how he would often get into conversations and notice that people would make assumptions and create stories to explain what others must be thinking and feeling or to explain their actions.

Let’s say you were recently called out on an error you made, and several coworkers had overheard your boss. Later that day, you see some of your coworkers standing around in the snack area laughing and sipping coffee together.

You go back to your office and think, “They’re all such jerks. Talking about me and laughing behind my back. They didn’t even invite me to have a coffee break with them. I’m the ‘outsider’ now for sure.”

Does this assessment lines up with reality? Can we really know what others are thinking without asking them or without their telling us?

Wise Mind asks:

Do you know for a fact that your coworkers were talking and laughing about you? Did you actually hear something to this effect? ☐ Yes ☑ No

Were you available when your coworkers gathered for a break? ☐ Yes ☐ No ☑ Not sure

Is it a fair judgment to consider all of your coworker, who you liked this morning, suddenly be ‘all jerks?’ ☐ Yes ☑ No (This is actually another form of distorted thinking called Polarized or Black or White Thinking, for example, people are either “all good” or “all bad.” If you tend to put people on a pedestal only to kick them off, this post on “Splitting” is for you. )

It’s so easy to forget that sometimes a thought is just a thought or a feeling is just a feeling. Neither are always facts. Reminding ourselves of this the next time we begin to write “our story” can save us much unnecessary suffering.

The next time you get upset over a situation like this, run through some fact checking questions with your Wise Mind, and ask, “Is this an accurate picture of what happened, or could this possibly just be ‘my story’? Could this by my Emotion Mind talking? Am I attempting to mind read?”

Many people with Borderline Personality Disorder, as a learned survival mechanism, “read people,” as I wrote about in my post “The Psychic Borderline…” but it’s important to remember that our perceptions and interpretations can be skewed by Emotion Mind and one of the Distorted Thinking Styles and that grounding through Wise Mind can help us gain clarity and direction in such cases.

Cookie and Privacy Settings

How we use cookies

We may request cookies to be set on your device. We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website.

Click on the different category headings to find out more. You can also change some of your preferences. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer.

Essential Website Cookies

These cookies are strictly necessary to provide you with services available through our website and to use some of its features.

Because these cookies are strictly necessary to deliver the website, refuseing them will have impact how our site functions. You always can block or delete cookies by changing your browser settings and force blocking all cookies on this website. But this will always prompt you to accept/refuse cookies when revisiting our site.

We fully respect if you want to refuse cookies but to avoid asking you again and again kindly allow us to store a cookie for that. You are free to opt out any time or opt in for other cookies to get a better experience. If you refuse cookies we will remove all set cookies in our domain.

We provide you with a list of stored cookies on your computer in our domain so you can check what we stored. Due to security reasons we are not able to show or modify cookies from other domains. You can check these in your browser security settings.

Check to enable permanent hiding of message bar and refuse all cookies if you do not opt in. We need 2 cookies to store this setting. Otherwise you will be prompted again when opening a new browser window or new a tab.

Click to enable/disable essential site cookies.

Google Analytics Cookies

These cookies collect information that is used either in aggregate form to help us understand how our website is being used or how effective our marketing campaigns are, or to help us customize our website and application for you in order to enhance your experience.

If you do not want that we track your visit to our site you can disable tracking in your browser here:

Click to enable/disable Google Analytics tracking.

Other external services

We also use different external services like Google Webfonts, Google Maps, and external Video providers. Since these providers may collect personal data like your IP address we allow you to block them here. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Changes will take effect once you reload the page.

Google Webfont Settings:

Click to enable/disable Google Webfonts.

Google Map Settings:

Click to enable/disable Google Maps.

Google reCaptcha Settings:

Click to enable/disable Google reCaptcha.

Vimeo and Youtube video embeds:

Click to enable/disable video embeds.

Other cookies

The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them:

Click to enable/disable _ga - Google Analytics Cookie.

Click to enable/disable _gid - Google Analytics Cookie.

Click to enable/disable _gat_* - Google Analytics Cookie.

Privacy Policy

You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page.