The most accurate personality test ever

July 23, 2015

Quickly, grab your phone. How much battery life is left? Remember that number, check the list below and find out exactly what kind of person you are. Because there is no way you could know any details of your own temperament and personality without me writing this blog. That’s just the way things are. Also, those other personality tests just tell you what you want to hear, that you’re creative and emotional at times but highly logical at others. Blah. This test actually exposes your nasty underbelly. (You know I love you, right?).

91-100%
Your socks always match and your underpants always look new. Split ends don’t happen to you. How do you manage to get all this done? You’re really rather boring.

81-90%
You constantly sniff things before eating them. Partly because you always buy things just before the use by date. Partly because you suspect people are trying to poison you.

71-80%
You have way too much routine in your life. You wear the same clothes, eat the same food and go to all the same places. Try to wander into the wrong room occasionally just to spice things up.

61-70%
You are a basic bitch. You probably have one of those Louis Vuitton bags with the pattern (you know the one) and you pop down to gentrified Brixton in your red soled Louboutins for an edgy night out.

51-60%
If the circumstances were right, you’d probably kick a dog.

41-50%
You change your hair colour. A lot. And then complain when it starts getting dry, breaking and falling out.

31-40%
You talk to strangers on public transport. It’s very awkward.

21-30%
You fall over a lot because your shoes are usually uncomfortable and you refuse to amble on the designated walkways. This is your rebellion.

11-20%
You’re the kind of prick who takes a packet of something out of the cupboard, empties it, then puts the fucker back in.

1-10%
You are reckless as fuck. What’s that crash? No need to look, it’s just your bad decision making destroying the fucking world around you. #LivingOnTheEdge

There it is folks. We’re all terrible people. But if we all try to love each other, maybe we can get through it. (Except you pricks putting the empty packets back in the cupboards. You just fuck right off).