This weekend has been totally lame. A total shitloaf. That's my new phrase I'm trying out. I think it's gonna be big. I'm trying to get as many people as I can to say it. Maybe join in if you can. Or don't. I really don't give a shitloaf.

On Friday I went over to Paul Jones' place to get stoned with Jake and Randy. I'm not always so sure about Paul Jones, he's kind of OK but still a total gay ass if you know what I mean, but I liked the idea of getting away from prying eyes, and getting totally high.

Paul Jones lives like maybe 5 miles away on the other side of Dayton, and I gotta say, as we drove there still in daylight at about eight o clock, I could not believe how lame North Dayton actually is. Like everyone in South Dayton always says that, but then the North Daytoners always hit back by bragging that they got the Oaklands Mall. That don't wash with me, we've got the Megaplex and the biggest KFC in Ohio. All North Dayton is is a load of strip malls, gas stations and banal suburban housing, nothing like where we live. Those stupid asses.

Paul Jones' house is maybe a little nicer than mine, and he's got a wide screen TV and a pool table, the spoilt asshole. But I found it kinda pretentious, really. Like they've got palm trees in the drive. This is Dayton, not Miami, you shitloaves. Typical North Daytonians.

Then Saturday I actually did some school work for once, which was amazing. I must have done at least three hours! Saturday night we went to a party at Wayne High. Wayne High man, that's got to be the gayest name for a high school ever. They were having a big dance to raise money for a new gym, because the one they've got now is such a shitloaf. Those lameasses at Wayne High normally make me wanna puke, but Randy reasoned that we'd be outsiders, and nothing makes chicks want to bone more than an outsider.

Well, I gotta say, the girls at Wayne High are HOT, much hotter than at our school. I think I wanna transfer over here. But we weren't so much the edgy outsiders as the total outcasts, if you know what I mean. It seriously sucked. Even a lame fat girl (climb the ladder from the lowest rung) turned me down when I offered her a drink. Oh well, she would only have wanted a diet coke, and even asking for one might have made some other chick listening in think I was gay. Maybe this same girl was going to come over before she saw me talking to this chubber. That fat bitch just cost me meeting my dream girl!

I refuse to accept that I could go to a party with 200 people and none of them want me, it just doesn't make sense. I always kind of assume these things will fall into place. I'm sure someone there wanted to bone. There were one or two girls who were maybe kinda looking, but they've got to make the first move. I'm not doing it. I can't. Seriously. I'd try to make some smalltalk and end up being a total ass, like when I tried to get with that girl on the school trip by asking her how many times a week she shaved her armpits. That was another fail. Maybe I'm the shitloaf?

I really want to have an affair but first I need a girlfriend to cheat on. That would be cool.