Mr T Pities The Fool Who Doesn’t Buy His App [Review]

Mr T is now 60. Let me repeat that for you, fellow children of the 1970s and 1980s: Mr T is 60 years old.

He could have left all that “I pity the fool” and “I ain’t getting on no plane” stuff behind him many, many years ago. But why let a good catchphrase go to waste? Especially when there’s a whole App Store’s worth of money to made from it.

A menu on a fist. Naturally.

The new official Mr T app is a quality bit of iOS coding. I mean that literally: it’s clear that much time and money has gone into this one dollar app. Everything about it has been beautifully and professionally done. The graphic design is gorgeous and looks exactly how it should. The embedded audio and video is done perfectly. You’re certainly getting your dollar’s worth here.

But what do you get? More than you might expect.

There’s a soundboard – how could there not be a soundboard? – full of every T-ism you can think of, and a few more that you might never have heard before.

There are some video clips of great T-moments in days gone by. There’s a Mr T magic eight ball, with the man himself giving useless advice like he was born to do it.

A gormless Englishman transformed into … um …

And there’s the T-booth, with which you can transform yourself and your loved ones into Mr T clones. It’s a lot funnier than I expected, especially when it animates your clone mouth, Monty Python style, along to T-like voiceovers. Excellent fun for those of us of a certain age who remember watching The A Team back when it was thing, rather than a retro thing.

God, I feel old.

WAKE THE HELL UP, FOOL!

One final feature worth your dollar is the Mr T alarm clock. Of course it has sticks of dynamite in the background image. Of course it explodes and shatters your screen for dramatic effect. What else would you expect?

He might be old enough to give up all this silliness and settle down for a quiet retirement in the van that no-one but him is allowed to drive, but no, that’s not the Mr T way. He still looks good with his Mandinka hair style, and can still spout catchphrases on demand with the best of ’em. We raise a glass to you, T. All of us fools.