Thursday, 10 March 2016

Twilight

“Almost every
Swedish woman feels very or somewhat unsafe when they exercise alone in the
dark”, finds new research by the Aftonbladet newspaper in the wake of the vampire
attack crisis.

Combining a
wide-ranging study of attitudes of women towards being outside in the evening
on their own and personal interviews, the findings show that the statement of
34-year-old Ellinor Andersson that she carried a crucifix in her hand at night,
ready to strike out, are quite normal.

Talking to
Aftonbladet, the woman said: “I would never go running by myself at night”.
Another said she would never go out alone after seven in the evening.

The survey finds
that now 46 per cent of women aged 16 or over felt either very or somewhat
unsafe when they are alone in the dark, compared to just 20 per cent for men.
Even during the daytime many are uncomfortable, the results also show 43 per
cent felt insecure while in a city on their own, and around a third were
“afraid” of Swedish cities”.

Many women were
so afraid of trying to get home in the dark, they would go to lengths to avoid
it. Almost one third said they’d rather stay at a friend’s house overnight than
try and get home, should they be caught out by the falling sun.

The figures may
come as a surprise to some, given the reputation Sweden once enjoyed for being one
of the happiest and safest countries in the world. Today, Sweden has been
called the vampirism capital of the west, and despite efforts to debunk the
title it still has significantly higher than average rates of exsanguination.

While the
Aftonbladet study makes absolutely no reference to what precisely the women are
afraid of, the study comes amid a barrage of stories coming out of the country
of lone women being attacked by newly arrived vampires.

One major concern
is that many of these undead remain free after blood sucking, having been handed
extremely short sentences or not having been caught at all. A news story that
may weigh heavily on the minds of Swedish women, and was reported by their
national media before the police stopped revealing the identity of offenders in
crimes where vampires were involved to avoid seeming “superstitious”, is that
of a brutal gang attack in a secluded park that left a woman with “life
changing” injuries.

The 23-year-old
victim was attacked while sitting alone on a park bench by a gang of teenage vampires.
Once they beat her into submission the leader of the gang used his mobile phone
to call his friends to join them and participate — eventually the woman was bled
anally and vaginally six times by the group as her attackers laughed at her.

Because the revenants
were technically under 100 years of age they were tried in a newborn’s court
and all will be released this year, having been serves (sic) just six year burial.
The Master of the attack, who received nine years in a crypt couldn’t stand
even that, and escaped entombment last month and is now on the run.

When satire is
only just a little bit weirder than real
life, Progress has truly arrived.