A Word From Jhudora

A meowclops hisses. A small child screams. Gates creak. Eerie trees cast frightful
shadows upon the ground; all the while there is a scary silence only broken by
the sound of Adam munching on asparagus. These are the horrors of the Haunted
Woods. Yet, Neopia knows little of the horrors in other parts of Neopia. Even
in Faerieland, the least suspected place to contain any form of evil, has its
horrors. What type of menace could this perfect place contain, you ask? Well its
name should give you a clue, after all. “Faerieland?” Well, of course, a faerie
would be the menace!

Yes, that purple swirly cloud, casting a dark shadow in parts of Faerieland.
That is the one. That is where SHE lives. One of the most mysterious, one of
the most quiet, yet one of the most evil faeries. You guessed it. We’re speaking
of Jhudora. We’re speaking of ME. Yes, it is I, Jhudora. And I have a few things
to tell you. Now take a seat, I say! Take a seat and listen or face my wrath!

Quit shaking, you puny mortal! I’m not going to turn you into a mortog... unless
you don’t hear me out. I, Jhudora, have gotten such a reputation for being evil
(even though I am the most powerful of them all), but most of these things they
say about me are absurd. Now I am here to tell you the truth. And I want you
to spread the word. Just listen closely as to what I have to say. First of all,
I don’t really hate Illusen. How could I hate my own sister? I DESPISE HER!!!
*Ahem* Sorry about that. As I was saying, these annoying Neopians have come
up with these ridiculous myths about me. You’d think they would have moved on
to something else... Like the fact that Adam has eaten more asparagus than his
brain can handle.

But moving on to bigger and better things, like me! Everyone says I’m self-centered
and that everything I do is for myself. That is SO not true. The other day some
irritating kadoatie was mewing outside my cloud. I turned it into a mutant.
Now it makes an adorable croaking noise. And it’s much cuter. Now everyone can
enjoy its cuteness! What do you mean “ugly”? Are you saying I have bad taste?
Shut your yap before I do it for you. *Silence* That’s better.

Next, is that silly rumor about my temper. People say I have outbursts or something
like that. Outbursts... heh, heh. I don’t really get mad like that, do I? DISAGREE
WITH ME AGAIN AND I SHALL THROW YOU OUT MY WINDOW!!! Glad we understand each
other. Now where was I? UGH! You made me lose track, you half-wit!!! Fine, you’ll
just have to take my word on the temper thing.

Now we have come to the whole thing about the quest items that your species
continues to pester me about. First and foremost, it is none of your business
what I do with them but could it be any more obvious? What do you think I do
with all of that make-up? How do you think I could become so beautiful? All
the sludge is for my sludge collection. *points to shelves piled up with piles
of sludge* And all of that dung I get, I give to my Bartamus. *points to sick-looking
Bartamus* Right, so I don’t expect any more questions about that anymore.

How do I make poisonous lollypops, you say? And are they really poisonous?
Well, I make them with sugar, magic, and of course... love. *fake innocent smile*
They’re quite yummy. I even give them out to cute little trick-or-treaters on
Halloween. Poisonous? Of course not! I just call them that because of the... color.
Yeah. Why don’t you try one? I’m sure you’ll love it...

The next thing you should know about me is that I don’t wear purple and green
because they are my favorite colours. I wear it to stand out. You see, my favorite
colour is really pink! The only thing is that if I dressed in pink I would look
like Fyora. I would rather look like a pile of dung than Fyora. It also matches
my cloud... and every possession I own. But my favorite color is pink! Don’t
be fooled by the purple and green! Get it? You had better get it.

Then there are those annoying little questers who ask, “Well, why can’t you
go out and get the item yourself?” That’s always the same thing I get when I
ask for a rare item. Firstly, you must know not to question me, for those who
do normally get added to my sludge collection. Secondly, I’m just lazy most
of the time and I have others do it for me. That way, I can be happy once I
receive the item, and the pet who had received the quest can be happy once they
receive their lollypop and that makes me happy to know that the person that
made me happy is also happy. Now you know why I hand out quests. Happy now?

Well, that is pretty much all I have to tell you. You have listened, but now
you must make others listen. Like I said, you must tell others what I have told
you. Now there are a number of ways you can do this. The list below describes
a few.

1) Run around the boards screaming what I’ve told you.

2) Take a pink (my favorite colour) crayon and scribble the truth about me
on every surface you can get that adorable little crayon on.

3) Dress up as me and stand in front of large crowds screaming what I have
told you.

4) Hand out yummy (not poisonous) poisonous lollypops that have little notes
tied to them that state the truth about the almighty faerie, Jhudora.

5) Tell Adam you’ll pay him in asparagus if he promises to write the truth
about me in the news every day for a month.

These are some suggestions, so if you want to come up with some even better
ways (although I doubt you can outsmart me) go ahead and do so. Now you know
the truth about me. I am not, I repeat NOT, some crazy, evil, short-tempered,
faerie. I am just like you. Only better.

Author’s note: Sorry it took so long to make another article. I had serious
writer’s block with this one. I may not make a lot more articles in the future
because I’m switching to comics. I LOVE neomail so please neomail any comments,
questions, or what ever. Oh, and please don’t take Jhudora’s advice and run
around telling Adam you’ll give him asparagus if he puts things in the news.