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"i'm the creation, You're the Creator, i am imperfect, You're the Redeemer, i'm filled with questions, You are the Answer, i am a sinner, You are my Savior. You are the One for me. and i belong to You. for the record i'm a full-time failure, You know me better than i know myself." -Mandi Mapes, "You're the one for me"

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

bah.

and its been a while. This isn't going to be one of those "deep" posts. I just need somewhere even someone to talk to. I felt like such a quitter today. I had to withdraw from a math class today. It was ultimately the right decision because otherwise it would have been a D or an F. But I felt like a loser, a quitter that I was just giving up. And I learned today that I hate that feeling. I would much rather accomplish something, even a little thing, that feel like a quitter. There are times that I do quit - but for some reason this felt much bigger than other times. It may be because I had to quit something I consider myself to be good at. I like school and enjoy school, and up until today felt myself to be good at school.

So I was just googling Bible Verses about failure. and this verse caught me.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your cares on Him because He cares for you - 1 Peter 5:6-7

I not only love the way its written, but most of what the verse says strikes me. If you take some of the words in the commas out - which in no way changes the meaning of the sentence it reads "humble yourselves that He may lift you up" The Lord cannot lift me up - and therefore bring glory to Himself - without me humbling myself first. This kind of thinking it difficult - that you must do one thing first for another to happen. It takes kids a few years to get this down. The planning and thinking required to do something first that takes you away from your ultimate goal is complicated.
I'm also a huge fan of the "in due time" portion of this sentence. I'm a bit pushy in wanting things pretty quickly.

I realize this post has gotten a bit off from where things started. I think it all goes back to looking at this big picture. Even the other morning as I was driving to take my test I started listening to the Passion CD and was just reminded that in the big picture this test doesn't matter. This class doesn't even matter. Yes I want to do my best, and bring glory to the Lord, but this is not the end of the world.

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About Me

i'm a full-time failure pretty much sums it up. There are so many things i have screwed up in my life, yet He still chooses to love me and save me. For that I will be not only thankful, but show that thankfulness by following Him to the ends of the earth.
This blog is a journey. The story God will be taking me on. I can hardly wait.