steve babe

i just feel like, totally connected to Infinity War Steve Rogers, he just doesn’t give a fuck anymore, he’s so tired of this nonsense, he’s like “here we go the fuck again, what dumbass shit do I have to fight for an indeterminate amount of time now, oh it’s a giant purple space man, of course it is, what else would it fuckin be, i am nearly 100 years old, when will i be let rest”

Hotel and cab booked, tickets sorted, overnight bag packed. He was ready to go at a moment’s notice. He’d even pre-written his letter of apology to the others, in case he didn’t have time to say goodbye.

He was prepared.

Last year, he’d been stupid. Left it too late, and then faced the consequences throughout the whole damn week. He wasn’t going to be stupid this time. He was prepared, see.

Unfortunately, it was very difficult to plan anything when you had people like Tony Stark living in the same tower as you. That man was predictably unpredictable. Damn him.

“Steve?” Came the confused voice from the door, and Steve jerked, turning around quickly and looking up, spotting Tony leaning against the wall with his arms folded, looking at him in confusion.

Well, not him. The bag he was re-packing was what was grabbing all the attention right now.

“What… what are you doing?” Tony asked, brow furrowed deeply as he stepped further in and took a shirt from the pile of luggage. Steve quickly snatched it back, stuffing it into his bag defensively.

“Nothing, Tony, I’m just…packing,” Steve muttered, searching for his toothbrush among the mess.

Tony paused, and Steve got the feeling he was holding back a sigh of exasperation. “Hmm- yes, I gathered that much. I was just wondering, y’know, why?”

Steve kept his eyes fixed on the shirt he was folding in front of him. “Birthday plans,” he lied, before spinning around to face Tony, preparing to usher him back out of the door.

He stopped when he noticed how obviously Tony’s face had fallen, and the hurt look that was lingering on his face.

Fucking Tony. It had to be Tony who had caught him. Anyone else, and he probably could have just let it slide.

“What’s wrong?” he said with a sigh, because he was a fucking sucker.

Tony quickly smoothed his face over and smiled, that horrible brittle one that made Steve want to argue relentlessly with him, just to bring out some semblance of an emotion on his face instead of that thing. “Nothing, nothing. Go, be free, it’s your birthday, you need to relax. I’m happy you’re actually taking a break for onc-”

“Tony,” Steve asked, raising an eyebrow and grabbing his shoulders between his two hands, “what’s wrong?”

Tony paused, and for a moment it seemed as if he was going to continue to bullshit his way through it, but then his face just sort of…fell again, and he shook his head.

“I…uh, remember we had- uh- plans? Your big party at the tower! and then you and me were going to catch a movie afterward? I don’t… I mean, obviously, you’ve got other plans, and that’s fine, I don’t mind, honestly,” Tony assured him, blustering around back and forth between his two feet and generally looking like he’d rather be anywhere else than in Steve’s room.

As soon as Tony had begun speaking, Steve realised he was right. Shit. He hadn’t been paying too much attention to the dates when Tony had spoken about it- too busy having a little crisis over the fact that Tony had pretty much asked him out to notice about the when and where of it all.

Shit.

“I…” Steve stumbled, trying to think of what to say to try and fix this, to try and not be such a stupid fucking idiot, “I’m really sorry, I forgot completely-”

Oh, fuck, that just made Tony look even more sad. Steve was pretty sure if he looked any more upset he’d make Steve start crying through fucking exposure.

“No, wait, I didn’t mean it like that,” he said quickly, grabbing Tony’s forearm desperately, “I was just… God, I just need to leave for a week. Okay?”

“Why?”

Steve winced. “I just… have to, okay, but we can do it when I get back! I-”

“Steve, if you don’t want to, and you’d rather be alone, that’s absolutely fine,” Tony said, giving him a sad smile as he began backing away, “you go, uh, do your thing. Have fun, be merry, it’s your birthday, you deserv-”

“Nothing,” Steve jumped in immediately, desperately trying to quell the sickening shame in his gut and the red on his cheeks as he put an arm on Tony’s shoulder and started pushing again, more forceful this time, “listen, Tony, I’ve really got to get back to-”

“You can’t handle fireworks?” Tony asked again, and shit, it didn’t seem like he had missed that like Steve had hoped.

Steve stopped. Sighed. Let go of Tony’s arm and turned away. “uh, yeah- no, I can’t. It’s a thing, I don’t know, I just… I’m fine, I’m just gonna… head out to the country for a week or so, because, y’know,” Steve gestured vaguely to himself, “4th of July and all.”

“Lots and lots of fireworks,” Tony said slowly, eyes widening a little in understanding. “Right.”

They stood in silence for a moment, before Tony opened his mouth again. Steve, however, got in first.

“Please don’t, Tony,” he said, shaking his head, “whatever you’re about to say, I don’t… just leave it. I’m fine.”

“Maybe in a world where I’d never gone to goddamn war, yeah,” Steve snapped angrily, “I would love to get through one fucking birthday without screaming, y’know, would be swell, but unlucky for me, life doesn’t agree. So sorry I’m not gonna be present this week, but believe me, it’s for the best.”

He was fucking tired. What the fuck was it with people setting off fireworks a week in advance to the fucking celebration? It made no fucking sense and Steve was sick of coming back to himself after a minute of sheer panic and realizing he’d crawled under his fucking bed to stop the non-existent shrapnel burying itself in his skull-

Tony said something, but it was white noise to Steve, and he’d marched out of the room before any of it could sink in anyway.

It was 4am. Everyone was asleep. No one would notice him slipping out, and he’d left his note for them in the morning. Turns out it was easier to explain his absence on paper than it was face to face.

“Steve! Just wait a second!”

God fucking dammit.

Wearily, he turned again, watching Tony hurry toward him, jumping down the stairs two at a time in his ratty jeans and faded band tshirt. “What do you want, Tony?” He asked.

Tony stopped moving once he got to Steve’s side and grabbed his hand excitedly. “Listen- I’m going to propose something awesome to you that you really should have thought of before deciding it was best to fuck off into the middle of nowhere on your own, but whatever, I won’t hold it to you, I am a genius-”

“Tony,”

“Right, yes, yes, okay,” Tony paused, and took a breath before looking Steve in the eye. “Let me come with you?”

“ I know you might think it’s weird and forward or whatever, but a) fuck the stereotypes, just as a matter of principle more than anything, and b)-” Tony’s hand tightened briefly around Steve’s as he shrugged in an attempt at nonchalance that, in Steve’s opinion, didn’t work out for him very well, “you shouldn’t be alone on your birthday, Steve. That just sucks. You… you deserve better than that. You deserve someone to be there with you.” He shrugged again, biting his lip, “and I know I’m not like, y’know, this Special Thing or whatever, and really you should have someone better here for you, but at the moment everyone else is asleep and-”

Tony was cut off as Steve laid his hand across Tony’s moving mouth, effectively silencing the fast-derailing thought process. He couldn’t help but chuckle a little as he watched Tony just stand there, Steve’s hand over his mouth, not knowing quite what to do.

It was honestly more than a little adorable.

“That would be… nice,” Steve admitted softly, “but Tony- it’s really late, and you have work, and I don’t want to inconvenience you-”

Tony scoffed, removing Steve’s hand to speak. “Believe me, this would be my pleasure. I’m pretty sure Fury’s out for my head this week anyway, so I need somewhere to lay low. Don’t sweat it, Rogers, I’ve got it all sorted.”

Steve looked at him for a moment; watched the way his gaze flickered briefly from Steve’s eyes to his mouth and then back up, or the way his heart was beating just that little bit faster than normal through the pulse in his wrist.

“Sure, Tony- come along for the ride,” Steve said with a smile and a fond roll of his eyes.

Tony positively beamed, and then held up a finger as he rushed over to the kitchen counter, where he pulled out a bag of his own and then hurried back to Steve’s side, still grinning.

“You were confident, then,” Steve said dryly, eyeing the bag full of stuff.

Tony raised his eyebrows. “I am very persuasive. I hedged my bets.”

Steve just huffed and hid a smile behind his hand as he pulled Tony into the elevator with him, feeling the all-too-familiar sensation of butterflies in his stomach as Tony smiled up at him.

The sky was beautifully clear, and the place was utterly, utterly silent.

Well. Apart from Tony. Of course.

Don’t you think it’s so incredible? Literally, Steve, look at them. Look at those insignificant, stupid little dots in the sky. They created every atom in your body. Every atom on this planet. Each atom in the visible universe. And they’re up there. We’re looking at…creation,” Tony gushed, hands waving through the air as they pointed at random objects in the sky.

They were both sat on the grass outside the tiny barn Steve had rented, a blanket under their backs as they stared up into the blissfully clear skies.

The stars hadn’t changed. That was all the same, at least. It was comforting.

“-and, I mean, there’s so much we don’t know yet, and probably never will. It frustrates the damn hell out of me. I hate not knowing stuff. Main reason I never pursued astronomy or theoretical physics. Theoretical physics, Steve- a whole branch of science dedicated to not knowing things,” Tony shuddered, and Steve felt it reverberate through his shoulder, “Good lord, the horror.”

Steve just smiled and nodded along, listening as Tony explained how stars were made and something about dark matter. Steve didn’t really follow it. He was more interested in how Tony’s hands moved, and the way the moonlight illuminated each curve and crease in Tony’s face, and the fact that he hadn’t thought about bombs even once since this trip-

“Thank you,” he whispered suddenly, cutting through Tony’s speech more effectively with those two quietly spoken words than Fury could in a direct scream.

There was silence as Tony paused, and turned his head to look over at Steve. He opened his mouth, undoubtedly to ask ‘what for’ before he caught on and nodded in understanding.

He didn’t say anything. Just grabbed Steve’s hand and linked their fingers together.

Closing his eyes and once more reveling in the silence and lack of terrifyingly familiar hisses or whines that had always haunted his birthday before, he brought Tony’s hand to his lips and kissed the knuckles there.

Steve heard Tony exhale ever so slightly, and felt with amusement as his pulse suddenly spiked. Neither of them said anything, but Tony shifted a little after a few moments; shuffling closer until his body pressed against Steve’s.

“Happy birthday, Steve,” Tony said softly, his head falling against Steve’s chest.

It was soft and silent and perfect, and Steve let his spare hand trail aimlessly over the soft curls of Tony’s hair as they lay there on the thick grass in the dead of night. Honestly, they probably needed to talk about a few things that had changed tonight.

But for now, Steve was just going to enjoy the stars above him and Tony beside him and the fact that the world appeared to have stopped, just for tonight- just for him.