Negative Nancy

All I feel like I do lately is bitch. Bitch bitch bitch! As much as I try to rise above, stay positive.. it’s a very hard thing to do with everything going on.I think I must get asked 3-4 times a day if i’m freaking out. Don’t know how to answer that. I’m seriously stressed, pushed to my limit, exhausted.. but I think i’m so used to things just NEVER going our way, always being insane.. there always being some new drama popping up- that i’m numb to it. Now I just weigh all the options, research, and move forward with the lesser of 12 evils.

While i’m handling all the house crap and legal crap relatively well, the kids? Not so much. I swear it’s like they know when i’m at my brink and decide to push even harder.

Parker and his non-stop teething.. his too high confidence in his balance which causes him to constantly just fall over and bonk his head on the floor, and then freaking out about it. The fact that he’s almost a year old and still reacts to table food like it’s the devil incarnate. If there were an Olympic sport for food throwing, he would win. I put things on his plate that disappear and I get excited because it looks like he ate them.. only to find them halfway across the room a few minutes later. Our already crappy carpet is ruined. And the finger pointing has gotten out of control.

Holden and his mega-tude and testing all kinds of new boundaries. Waiting until Parker is asleep in my arms to go to the bathroom and INSIST I come with him.. or go without telling me and miss the toilet, effectively soaking himself and the bathroom in pee. If he’s not insisting on going to the bathroom, he’s intentionally being loud during Parker’s naps.

By the end of the day, my head is pounding. Stress headache, tension headache.. both? I wouldn’t doubt it.

I just need EVERYTHING bad going on right now to pass. Closure. Answers. Confirmation. I need it all. And I need it SOON or I really think I might just throw myself out of a window. I won’t go very far.. seeing as we live in a one-story.. but it will hurt!