Too hard for me to say goodbye
For all apparent reasons why
Even though we all know it must be
Each heart will someday stop the beat
When the rhythm of life, and silence, finally meet
.
Yet I always seem so surprised
To find that death is part of life
Knowing that regret, will now haunt my every rhyme
The specter called "if only", will inhabit every line.
Wish I could arbitrate a deal to have gained a little time
Just one more talk with Sissy, to ease my guilty mind.
.
And the sun now sets on my regrets
I gamble on time and lose each bet
Thinking I'll move on and yet,
here I set . . .
Wishing for one more time
One more pun
One more smile
That will never come
.
If I could just recall the things you said that mattered to you most.
Memories un memorized
That now I'll never know
Years of conversation when I didn't pay attention
Times I should have said I love you
And somehow failed to mention
.
Then when you tried to tell me you felt your time was drawing near
Your selfish little brother pretended not to hear.
Even when you did your best, and tried to let me know
You'd made your peace and you were ready, and that for you . . .
It was simply time to go

I used to smile
every time you came back home
I never knew
that to you
I was just being clueless
I thought I was your little brother
but I had to wonder
when I heard
the truth by uncle
that you are an imposter
there was no other
you had to go and pretend
how long have you known ?
No ! I won’t be fooled again
you should have told me yourself
but no it is the end
your little brother don’t exist
now stay I insist
you can say that I am cold
yet it was from me a life you stole
sorry mama I love you
but this betrayer has got to go
never mind that I’ll hit the road …

We only talked sanely a few times,
About how he also had a condition like me,
Although my dad, who had a Medical Doctorate, when James was small wouldn’t say,
Obvious as it was that he had CF from his inward-growing finger-nails,
Dad decided to bypass the issue, medicine to assail.
I have CP, and needed James’s comfy chair to read,
It was given to him in misogyny because it was blue,
About three months before he died he said,
I could have it, and must convince mum and dad that it was mine;
They were Christians, fundamentalist and strict,
And so sometimes there was an elephant in the room,
Between me and James, about the physical.
Death is inevitable, but to them it was only a maybe for James,
When the doctors had said that 14 was the expectation,
I prepared myself for the worst well before it occurred,
As an atheist I am, with no qualms or hesitation.
James wanted for me the best, happiness and friends,
Wanted me to do my best physically, ‘cos he knew I wanted that too,
But he also suspected that I would grieve for him rightly,
Not like a sentimental fundamentalist who believes that Jesus is risen,
But as a steadfast atheist who knows what has been given;
So he knew to remark on my immediate life without him so as to adjudicate.
I cherished Christinna Georgina Rossetti’s poem, Remember,
Long before and for some time after James’s death,
And quietly held in my heart the loved-one’s good wish,
Mum used to think that sometimes I was cold as stone,
But really I'd faced the fact that James was dead and gone.
Although Rossetti was by no means an atheist,
Her poem recites the mantra of the bereavement psychologist,
That to get on with your life as best you can,
Is a right, the partner of grief, and the pathway for your lone self;
In the Bleak Mid-Winter puts Christ as relational to nature,
Instead of pertaining nature to Christ, as it is normally,
And so we must partake of it within our space and our pasture.
Rhoda Monihan
13/09/2015

Have You Been Hurt By “Religion”?
Are you tired of “religious people”
knocking at your door?
You wish they’d leave... “You can’t take it anymore!”
Have you been hurt by “church people” sometime in the past?
Somehow they hurt you... And the pain continues to last…
Have you been “wounded” by something
somebody has said?
Perhaps you wonder if “they wish you were dead…”
Perhaps there’s someone that you
may have “befriended…”
They have done something that
has hurt you and “offended.”
There’s probably many people that you wish would “go away.”
Because of something they’ve
done to “darken your day.”
I’ve been there many times… Believe me I know.
How someone’s actions or words can hurt your soul.
Even those who go to church are
often not very kind.
And they don’t hesitate to
give you “a piece of their mind.”
Religion is not the answer. Look to Jesus
and the life he gives!
He alone has the power to love
and completely forgive!
It’s only in his shed blood that you can find atonement.
He can change your life now! This very moment!
He can heal your broken heart and wounded spirit.
An everlasting joy and love... He freely gives it!
He can do what no “church” or “religion” could ever do
He can restore your life today.
And make you BRAND NEW!!!
By Jim Pemberton

*A assignment was due in class. *
Every time a gun shoots
A tree looses its roots
Every time there is bloodshed
Along with it millions of tears are shed
Every time a heart is stabbed
Someone else’s life gets barren
As violence grows
Many more mothers moan
The sounds of destruction
Overpowers the voice of those
Who are innocent
Who suffer with no reason
Who beg for life
Who have heart full of innocence
Why do so much violence?
That the child’s cry cannot be heard
When his father is killed
Why do so much violence?
That a mother moans
Over her child’s dead remains
Why do so much violence
For winning any stupid battle
Which is taking lives
Of people who have wives
And mothers and children
When you can keep calm
Talk things out
Do whatever you can
To keep violence out
Because there is no sin as big as
VIOLENCE

As we stalk the forest,
in search of food,
are means of hunting,
can be very crude,
we work together,
as a team,
sometimes we even,
cross a stream,
on the trail,
of a mighty mule deer,
getting caught,
is our worst fear,
for once we had,
a hefty bounty,
in every north western county,
are packs we once,
so strong and tough,
but our survival rate,
is getting rough.

I'm going thru a phase..
These psychological pains
Are temporarily to blame
My heart feels like a sisters'...
Who's brother has gone insane.
Ripped her clothes off
Put it in & forced his poison in her veins
Now life won't ever man be the same!
Now this ‘phase’ is permanent!
Now she's different
Soul's been lifted & bruised & broken & stolen
The blood running down my face as I hide from the shame. From the cuts.. From the pain.
I wanna tell you.
I wanna teach you ..how to love me.
But I hate you
& I hate me.
I look in the mirror & see shit you can't see
I see me.
I see her.
..Who I was before
Who I used to be
Before I walked in that maze
So when you ask me how I'm doin’..
I say I'm going thru a phase.

Now my world is falling apart...
Always been stupid, never been smart....
And finally when I've tried to do something good ..
I've tried hard more than I should...I
t's really not my fault I haven't done anything wrong...
My life sucks like salt, I can't hold on any long...
It's killing me to know that I've lost their trust..
.I feel like my heart is covered by dust and crashing from rust...
How can I fix this up?
How can I fix it when time refuse to stop?
His wards are in my mined and his darts straight in my heart...
The look on his face is tearing my arteries a parts...
His voice do get through my bones...
His voice can shake mountains and break stones...
I wish I could tell him I'm sorry but, , it's too late...
And I pray to have his love and not his hate...

The silver jellybeans I wore were the toy.
These shoes caused jealousy from my brother.
Just as the lemon twist did from the other.
Beside the house, he walked in my jellybeans.
My mother watched not saying anything.
The other brother took my lemon twist.
_______________________________________|
Penned on May 06, 2014!

I Wish I Could’ve Told You
I wish I could’ve told you, back then before you died,
‘Cos you so badly wanted to know about the reason,
For my good nature, kind heart and intelligence plied,
The content of my belief about Jesus and his lesson.
I had the guts to say, I think, just what I read and took,
From the gospels wager to generate circumstances raw,
From a disciple’s view of town life in old Nazareth’s nook,
From how their readers would interpret the followers’ caw.
But I only went so far, and didn’t explain your standing,
To me as an atheist, you were so noble with communion:
I didn’t say if I counted myself in the church for grounding;
I never questioned your divisive separation of human union.
I wasn’t able to be commended by school carers firm,
With steal regarding the acceptance of siblings able;
I would never have been graced by others to confirm,
My ramification of atheism’s way, historical and capable.
So I never said the words to you James, hid and dried,
That I don’t believe in god, the existence or the myth,
But I know from my young days of those tears you cried,
Because I felt your reverence for my own dear pith.
Atheists are not valid in society, still not to this day,
Feel snubbed by those who fear life’s bold dynamics,
Find themselves abused by alligators of literary play,
But who strive for righteousness and its rhythmics.

You had all my trust, my brother, my blood
Now only our name means anything to me
As if you didn't know I had your back
Knew I was the only one who listened, who would never tell
Never felt the knife over and over, and when I did I was in denial
Couldn't believe the hand that held it was yours
You went way past anything I ever expected
You know you can shove it, right?
Only you would get so jealous
Enough to try to ruin it all for me
Can't fix your life, quit looking at mine
After all the warnings you still don't get it
No talking about me, it should be easy
Easy not to say bad things, don't start problems
But it's just too hard for you, need to have your drama
You can watch from the corner now
You've killed all we had. You mean nothing to me now
I know how to hold a grudge for a long time and you really have deserved it
This didn't have to happen, shouldn't have
Here's what you always wanted, I guess you win
It also means you lose as well
Sister forever, only in name
You know, you really messed up this time

Isn’t it amazing… The hurt and damage,
someone can do?
Especially by the same person who said; “I Love You!”
Isn’t it amazing… How someone,
which we’ve given our heart…
Can betray our love, and “tear it all apart?”
On that special day, when
your vows were exchanged…
It’s almost like “overnight,” some people change!
Even amongst Christians.
This seems too commonplace.
As people seek their own desires…
Instead of God’ grace.
Isn’t it amazing… How anger, jealousy
and bitterness begins?
Even amongst our loved ones,
that we have called “friends?”
What’s more amazing… Is how God,
in his mercy and care..
Still loves us. And he is always there!
No matter what you’ve said…
No matter what you’ll do….
God remains the same.
And is always there for YOU!
He is faithful. His commitment to you
is strong and secure!
His love is everlasting. And is 100% PURE!
I stand amazed, as to how God still loves us.
He asks for our heart. He wants to trust us!
Won’t you come and experience
his love today?
He loves you so much more
than words could ever say!
By Jim Pemberton 10/05/11

His lies are hidden in his eyes.
When no one’s around he cries
He doesn’t see our pain
but his words sting like freezing rain.
He swears he's clean
but that’s not how it seems.
A 25 thousand dollar lawyer
your father’s your helping shoulder
So much money spent
“It’s time you pay rent”
His anger strikes
“All I want is vikes"
His words still replay in my head
“I’d rather be dead”
“Please stop”
“call the cops”
“Everythings going to be okay”
“GET AWAY!”

When I was little my daddy would enter my sister and my bedroom at night
to do things to his little girls that hurt or sometimes tickled and bring his flashlight
mom never let us out of the yard to go play
looking back I guess she was scared of what we might say
but this one day in particular we got to walk to this church on Sunday
the three of us. two sisters and a brother we were so happy
that mom trusted us even if she didn't love us or our daddy
we went and we sat and they asked us all kinds of things
we really didn't know what to say, our hearts were racing
we sat and we listened as he talked about God
this loving Father, the best you could ever have because
He loved you and would protect you and always be there
so with him in your life you never had to be scared
all you had to do was to talk to him everyday
and ask for what you wanted to have and say
he would help you because he loved you so much
he wouldn't not be there, he would keep his promises and such
so when I went to bed at night I would lie in bed and ask him
for my daddy not to hurt us and stay out and then I saw them
two big goliaths standing right there in front of our door
protecting my sister and I with their arms crossed to hurt us no more
I said "God thank you, I love you, you are the best daddy for me"
I turned over went to sleep and it was morning and nothing
bothered us all night, he left us alone
prayer does work, if you ask that Father in the sky
and it worked from now on, we never had to cry
out of pain or fear
God protected us it was clear
it was a miracle I thought as I got older
it reminded me of Easter when they rolled away the boulder
Prayer really does work take it from me
God will protect you just try Prayer and see

Those Close To Us Can Cause So Much Pain
Isn’t it amazing, the hurt and damage
someone can do?
Especially by the one who said; “I Love You!”
Isn’t it amazing, how someone,
which we’ve given our heart.
Can betray our love, and “tear it all apart?”
On that special day, when
your vows were exchanged…
It’s almost like “overnight,” some people change!
Throughout this country,
this seems too commonplace.
As people seek their own desires…
Instead of God’ grace.
Isn’t it amazing, how anger, jealousy
and bitterness begins?
Even amongst our loved ones,
that we have called “friends?”
What’s more amazing… Is how God,
in his mercy and care..
Still loves us. And he is always there!
No matter what you’ve said,
or what you do.
God remains the same.
And is always there for YOU!
He is faithful! His commitment to you
is strong and secure!
His love is everlasting! And is 100% PURE!
I stand amazed, as to how God still loves us.
He asks for our heart. He wants to trust us!
Won’t you come and experience
his love today?
He loves you much more
than words can say!
By Jim Pemberton

Those Close To Us Can Cause Much Hurt And Pain...
Isn’t it amazing… The hurt and damage,
someone can do?
Especially by the same person who said; “I Love You!”
Isn’t it amazing… How someone,
which we’ve given our heart…
Can betray our love, and “tear it all apart?”
On that special day, when
your vows were exchanged…
It’s almost like “overnight,” some people change!
Even amongst Christians.
This seems too commonplace.
As people seek their own desires…
Instead of God’ grace.
Isn’t it amazing… How anger, jealousy
and bitterness begins?
Even amongst our loved ones,
that we have called “friends?”
What’s more amazing… Is how God,
in his mercy and care..
Still loves us. And he is always there!
No matter what you’ve said…
No matter what you’ll do….
God remains the same.
And is always there for YOU!
He is faithful. His commitment to you
is strong and secure!
His love is everlasting. And is 100% PURE!
I stand amazed, as to how God still loves us.
He asks for our heart. He wants to trust us!
Won’t you come and experience
his love today?
He loves you so much more
than words could ever say!
By Jim Pemberton

Why does my brother strife with me striking me without hesitation unprovoked none said . I ask for a drink yet hot boiling water served to quench my thirst . Down not a hand and kicked toward defeat yet not a drop of compassion dealt . Hatred bound in views of self without reflections on truth by deeds to ease self respect . Yet I did my kind deed with no prejudgement still no expectations limited to my perceptions . You thirst I give you drink , more to quench thirst to motivate ones soul , for human beings need more than drink but waters of the soul . When you cried I showed my humanity by virtue man gains successes that open the wealth of the earth to make yo resources in need . So hate but fake it doesn't effect truth burns to the core does it not hurt ? Yo pain exist not with me yet still lingers in me by hurt my brother inflicted unjust . You are yo source of pain untamed it shall claim your fame in life stolen by its quake to take .

When I was little my daddy would enter my sister and my bedroom at night
to do things to his little girls that hurt or sometimes tickled and bring his flashlight
mom never let us out of the yard to go play
looking back I guess she was scared of what we might say
but this one day in particular we got to walk to this church on Sunday
the three of us. two sisters and a brother we were so happy
that mom trusted us even if she didn't love us or our daddy
we went and we sat and they asked us all kinds of things
we really didn't know what to say, our hearts were racing
we sat and we listened as he talked about God
this loving Father, the best you could ever have because
He loved you and would protect you and always be there
so with him in your life you never had to be scared
all you had to do was to talk to him everyday
and ask for what you wanted to have and say
he would help you because he loved you so much
he wouldn't not be there, he would keep his promises and such
so when I went to bed at night I would lie in bed and ask him
for my daddy not to hurt us and stay out and then I saw them
two big goliaths standing right there in front of our door
protecting my sister and I with their arms crossed to hurt us no more
I said "God thank you, I love you, you are the best daddy for me"
I turned over went to sleep and it was morning and nothing
bothered us all night, he left us alone
prayer does work, if you ask that Father in the sky
and it worked from now on, we never had to cry
out of pain or fear
God protected us it was clear
it was a miracle I thought as I got older
it reminded me of Easter when they rolled away the boulder
Prayer really does work take it from me
God will protect you just try Prayer and see

My back to the moist grass.
head resting on my hands,
dew settling on my chest,
on a cold winter night,
eyes slowly closing to the heavens above,
in the remnant of your memories,
"Have you peeked outside brother.
your name is reflecting in full.
gaze at the moon dazzling tonight's sky.
A fitting 25th for you.
Alas! Only if you were around.
today, I have nothing but
the company of my own shadow,
cast on the tears soaked ground,
and of the flames burning
the void in my heart."

Your thought not to hate
But why I hate you so much
Lord please come into my heart
My heart has hardened
She left me
Left me with the boys
I loved her
But she loved the bottle
Smoke
Party
Streets
Friends
She was unloyal
Had my questions DNA
But my genes run deep
Lord bring forgiveness in my heart
I want to break her down
I wish she drop dead
No I don't
Lord help me please
How could she
I wanted to be family
Be a man
Do right by her
5 years no calls
Letters
Visits
Now you expecting again
How dare you
Lord bless her soul
Will you abandon
This one
I pray not
Lord take this hostility
Out my spirit
Take it out
This built up anger
Remove it
Lord my heart hardened
-Patrice Jackson and Ricky Jackson