April 21, 2010

Oh, hi there... I am still here.

My poor blog. I've neglected you so long. It isn't anything you did. It's me no, no... it's actually Alixe. We're still in the midst of poor sleep at our house. Going on nearly 5 months of it I have started to get used to the disoriented feeling I have every morning I wake up and the sort of hazy feeling I have all day long. That being said, life is kinda hard right now because we're supposed to sleep at night and as much as I try to get used to the idea of forgoing this my silly brain can't let go. So these days, I focus on three things: Alixe, Max and my business. Sorry, my dear husband... you're in a close fourth. I know, I KNOW.... what a sucky wife I have been lately.

It's really HORRIBLE what sleep deprivation does to one's life. I feel for those people who suffer from insomnia and wonder how anyone could function so long like this. Example of the fragmented sleep we get, last night Alixe went to bed at 8pm. I *should* have gone to bed but had some baking and sewing that HAD to get done. I went to bed at 11pm and she woke up. Baby radar? You betcha. I nursed her and put her back to bed. ONE HOUR LATER, she woke up again. Julien is a DEEP sleeper and did not stir at all. I waited 3 minutes just to see if he'd go to her but nothing happened so I got up. I can't handle Maximilien waking up too at midnight. I nursed her and put her back to bed. She woke up again at 2am, 4am and 6am. The 2, 4, 6 hours of the night must be her magic numbers because she does this ALL THE TIME. Drives me bonkers. I can't let her cry because she's in our room and it DRIVE ME BONKERS. Julien sleeps through it. Bless his heart, I have no idea how he does but can he teach me?? Then on top of all this, I am sick. So, sleep deprivation + sick + nerves raw = disaster. I woke up Julien at 6am and said, "HELP!". He took her into the kitchen and I got a whole 15 minutes of uninterrupted sleep until Max woke up and came for cuddles. As tired and cranky as I am I can't say no to my three year old's cuddles. He likes to draw pictures on my face with his finger when I am trying to sleep. I can't sleep when he does this but it makes me feel so loved so I sacrifice sleep to let him draw on my face.

Then this morning Ooshop delivered at 7:45am. I had to be up for that. I came out of the bedroom to crying baby, my three year old asking me, "Why, mommy? why is the door ringing" and my husband dashing around getting ready to leave for the day. I stood and watched the scene and thought, "wow, this is my life".

So, things like my blog have been put off to the back burner so to speak... just no time. I had good intention to post a photo a day for a 365 photo book for 2010. Ah, there are a few days forgotten but some how I still manage to take at least one photo a day. *hugs her iPhone*

But in the midst of this sleepless madness at our house, Maximilien
turned three, Alixe was baptized, we had lots of family come and visit, I got my
hair cut (finally!) and ordered I some new exciting yarn for the tea
house.

And during the time I typed this blog entry I have gotten up two times to sooth Alixe back to sleep again. She's been asleep a total of 30 minutes. Whoo. It's the little victories that count, right? *sigh*

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I totally went through the same thing with my son Mateo (now 18 months). He woke up every 1-2 hours to nurse for the first 6 months. I was so miserable. I finally used the cry-it-out method. Thank goodness for noise-cancelling headphones! In retrospect, I was so foggy from the sleep deprivation that I have very few memories of those first 6 months. All those precious new-mother moments (I'm sure I had them) are faded and hazy.

Not much consolation, but I guarantee it will not go on forever. That first time you get a decent sleep you will feel like a new (human) person! Did Max not do this? That's baby Karma. If you get one easy one, then you must also have one tough one! Bonne chance!

Your hair looks great! But I am really sorry about the sleepless nights. That's how it was for us with our second and it was really, really hard. Actually, the first was like that too, but I could co-sleep since I did not have my own business or another baby at the time.

The second time around we tried a method around six months. I still feel bad thinking about it (it involved a lot of crying) (on everyone's part) but it worked. It took a couple months to stick, but the kid sleeps great now and I think it saved my life.

I totally feel you on this post. I was there feeling hazy fighting off the blues that strike when I am not well rested. Add being sick and busy to that and yeah, recipe for disaster. At least you recognize it and are getting through it as best you can. Kudos to you! xo (gorgeous pictures, as always)

ahhh, yep....
a familiar memory.....katy never slept great for the first 6 months at least...and chasing the bigs around the world that first year while meeting her needs was tough...and I wasn't working...hang in there, and yeah, take the pics, but don't worry...someday there will be time to sort organize and edit...they will move away some day for college...(at least that is what I keep thinking when I can't get anything done...)