Alerting others to warning signs about suicide

Friday

Nov 23, 2012 at 2:00 AMNov 26, 2012 at 3:31 PM

When Ann Marie D'Aliso's 16-year-old son Patrick told his girlfriend, who had just cheated on him, that she would never hear from him again, neither his girlfriend nor his mother guessed that he would hang himself from a tree days later.

Jessica Cohen

When Ann Marie D'Aliso's 16-year-old son Patrick told his girlfriend, who had just cheated on him, that she would never hear from him again, neither his girlfriend nor his mother guessed that he would hang himself from a tree days later.

But such threats can be red flags indicating suicidal intent, says D'Aliso, who now recognizes other clues in her son's behavior.

At two recent suicide awareness presentations at Port Jervis High School, led by Sean Gerow of the Family Empowerment Council, D'Aliso was one of four guests, all of whom lost family members to suicide.

All said they wish someone had told them what they now know, and tell others, about detecting and responding to suicidal inclinations among friends and family.

Gerow has been providing suicide awareness training to faculty and students in the district for two years, advocating the QPR strategy — "question, persuade, and refer" — for assisting people who exhibit red flag behavior, such as desperation, rage and withdrawal.

Patrick D'Aliso had displayed those warning signs, but no one guessed where he was headed. He had been a star student, athlete and community volunteer.

"It took this long to be able to talk about suicide," said Ann Marie D'Aliso. "It's the last taboo. It's OK to say something, to check in — 'How's everything going?'"

When someone's behavior rouses suspicions about suicidal feelings, the QPR strategy includes expressing concern, asking about suicidal thoughts, and guiding the person to treatment.

Lori Bubigkeit said her son Ryan played varsity football and graduated from high school with high honors.

But one day just 18 months later, after shoveling snow, tossing around a football, and working on a college paper, he jumped from a bridge over the Delaware River.

"Why didn't I know?" asked Bubigkeit. "The last four and a half years I've felt like a leper."

"It's OK to ask the question and say the word 'suicide,'" said Gerow. "You might worry about putting the idea in someone's mind, but it's not true."

He said suicide is the third leading cause of death in the 15-to-24 age group in the U.S., and while New York ranks 49th of 50 states for suicide, 150,000 New York youth attempt suicide per year, including 1 in 10 10th-grade students. Orange County has a suicide rate of 8.6 per 100,000.

"Three quarters of students don't even know who the school social worker is," Gerow said. "Having suicide awareness trainings gets the message out in schools and communities."

John Ludtke, another guest, whose older brother, at 19, had stepped off a bridge, had also seen suicide among his teen daughter's friends.

"Our job is to get in front of it," he said. "Suicide needs to be talked about. Everyone's had a day in their life when they feel, 'I don't want to be here.'"