Movie review: ‘Ask Dr. Ruth’ follows America’s favorite sex therapist

Al Alexander More Content Now

Wednesday

May 1, 2019 at 10:49 AMMay 1, 2019 at 10:49 AM

When you think of Dr. Ruth Westheimer, what immediately comes to mind is the image of a stout, wonderfully gregarious granny sporting a heavily accented potty mouth. But dig deeper, which documentarian Ryan White does in his informative, fascinating “Ask Dr. Ruth,” a fuller, much sadder portrait emerges; one of such misery, heartbreak and unmitigated tragedy it’s hard to believe she can even smile, let alone fill every room she enters with incandescent warmth and boundless humor.

And, can we talk about SEX? You betcha. From vibrators to fellatio, the good doctor always possesses an assertive opinion on which naughty parts go where and when during life’s most intimate moments. Naturally, we hang on her every word, concluding that such an angelic cherub would never steer us wrong. But where does that blunt honesty originate? White rightly traces it back to Frankfurt, Germany, circa 1938, when Hitler’s jackbooted minions were rounding up Jewish males, including Ruth’s father, Julius Siegel, who offered his pint-sized daughter - then named Karola - a smile and reassuring wave as he was ushered into the truck that would transport him to his eventual death at Auschwitz.

Her mother, Irma, correctly sensing she would soon be next on the list, packed her daughter’s precious few things and boarded her on a train to safety in Switzerland. It would be the last time she would ever see her mom. Placed in a school/orphanage and cruelly told her parents no longer wanted her, Karola, felt so alone she sought human connection wherever she could find it, thus sowing the seeds for a career in sex therapy predicated on no one ever feeling as isolated and abandoned as she did as a child.

White cleverly depicts those formative years via animation and voice overs provided by Dr. Ruth, and actors reading from her Anne Frank-like diary. It reduces you to a puddle of tears; but it also fills you with hope and inspiration. If a frightened little girl can survive all that, you conclude, our problems suddenly seem so petty. And when those memories threaten to become too morose, White wisely returns to the present, as the doctor joyfully reminisces on her life’s work in the lead up to her 90th birthday. We meet her kids, Miriam and Joel, her four adult grandchildren and old friends from her stolen childhood with whom she still keeps close ties, including - believe it or not - her first boyfriend.

Naturally, they all have nice things to say about Karola, who was forced to change her name to Ruth when she was exiled to Palestine after the war. She says the powers that be at the kibbutz thought Karola sounded too German and must be excised immediately. Insensitive, yes; but could you dare imagine Dr. Ruth incarnated as Dr. Karola? Just doesn’t have the same ring, does it?

It’s in the future Israel - for which the 4-foot-7 dynamo nearly gave her life as a sniper in the Haganah - she meets the first of her three husbands. But it’s her third, her beloved Fred, she counts as the real thing; a marriage lasting nearly four decades until his death in 1997; tossing yet another log onto the pyre of tragedy that has been her life story. How lovely then that she learned long ago to anesthetize her pain with an irrepressible sense of humor. And, boy, has she been rewarded by it, both spiritually and financially, rising from the ranks of poverty to tireless advocate for women’s rights, beginning with her work at Planned Parenthood. It was during that gig that she discovered her knack for talking sex, a gift that grew into a wildly popular weekly show on public radio before spawning newspaper and magazine columns, and eventually an ubiquitous presence on TV talk shows throughout the 1980s and beyond.

She was the right person at the right time to usher us through the sexual revolution, talking us through our sexual hang-ups and championing alternative lifestyles, especially in the LBGTQ community, where she worked tirelessly to call attention to the AIDS epidemic. And because she is who she is, America listened, believed what she said and changed its opinions on not just AIDS, but everything from gay marriage to transgenderism.

Now, in the midst of the Trump-led disparagement of immigrants, she looks to be a beacon for people like herself who dreamed of coming to America, where a young German refugee had the opportunity to rise from penniless beggar to multi-millionaire, pop-culture icon. She says she strenuously avoids politics, but in “Ask Dr. Ruth,” her agenda is clear. And that is a plea for us to make love wherever and whenever we can. And for once, she’s not talking about sex.