Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Welcome To My Underground Lay-or

I recently heard that there was a Titan Class intercontinental ballistic missile base from the '50s, located near Moses Lake (Washington State, U.S.A.) for sale on eBay.

Yes, a nuclear base.

The asking price, according to the article in the London Telegraph, was a measly $1.5 million dollars U.S. Hell, all I'd need to do is round up 15 of my closest friends to chip in and we'd have our own place of business.

For someone like myself - who is secretly convinced that a genetically-engineered plague designed by an aristocrat vampire will one day wipe out most of humanity (except for the lucky few who will survive only to turn into some form of flesh-eating, homicidal, mutant albinos) - this is an ideal place to purchase. I will no longer have to live in fear of zombie invasions, the Four Horsemen, rain of frogs or an attack by crazed vegetable-eating killbots.

What surprised me about the article is that this is only one of many nuclear bases for sale. Although the bases (sadly) do not come with any ICBMs all it would take is a few bribes to a corrupt Chechnyan general and baby we'd be in a position to make ludicrous demands on an unsuspecting world.

Now, to start preparing for a lava-filled moat around the parameters...

8 Comments:

(snip)"I was struck by one of the strangest sounds I've ever heard in my life as I approached the silo. It was if something large were weeping deep beneath the earth. It took me a few moments to sort out I was hearing a large number of pigeons cooing in their roosts down inside the flame duct and the silo itself, their noises magnified by the incredible echo chamber in which they lived. By the time I realized I could record this with my camera, I'd made too much racket and the pigeons had either fallen silent or flown away.

There's something profoundly poetic about that image — the birds which fill the very cities these missiles were meant to destroy were now nesting in the abandoned cradle of nuclear fire. The wind was capricious as well, whipping and whining around the silos like the ghosts of lost missilemen still carrying their twin launch keys, reaching out across the span of two arms wondering if this time it was not a drill."

Well that's not bad if you get the ground above it as well. Play a game of volleyball and then go down to a quiet place for beer and meditation. The first thing to install would be a periscope to make sure no one is pissing on your land when you are down below.

Damn I'm bored. Waaayyyy bored. I haven't been this bored in a long time. Man, things are boring. Fucking boring around here. Morphine doesn't help. Just makes me tired and bored. I can't believe how bored I am right now.

OK I've bored you enough. I gotta get back to being bored. Because there's nothing to do, and I'm bored. Man, you have no idea how bored I am.