Do

Send a text, email, or booking request, with all the information I’m going to need.

Do Not

Call me on the telephone like some kind of 90s pervert unless you have some seriously good reason to.

Do

Be upfront if something may come up during our date that I should know about. Do you want to bring toys? Do you have a medical condition? Are your sexual interests a bit off the beaten path? Do you lack experience with paid/any sexual encounters? Tell me.

Do Not

Surprise me with anything other than beer or gifties. This isn’t improv class, I’m not going to Yes And whatever you pull out of your backpack or other baggage.

Do

Invite me to come join you at your hotel room so we can mess up sheets I don’t have to wash afterwards.

Do Not

Ask me to come to your private residence. My incall has been vetted and is set up for our shenanigans; your place is probably loaded with cameras, strange men waiting behind shower curtains, weapons everywhere, and your cat’s an asshole. Probably.

Do

Let me know when you expect to be in town with plenty of notice so I can book our date and get all jazzed about seeing you.

Do Not

Try to book me same day. I'm not an emergency service and I've yet to be paid a retainer. I'm flattered that you're excited but please respect that I have other plans.

Do

Let me know if you’d like me to provide a reference for you to another Service Provider so I can get my notes together before they contact me. I’m not under any illusions that we’re in a sexually exclusive relationship and I’m thrilled to share.

Do Not

Send someone to ask me for a reference out of the blue. I’ll deny ever meeting anyone ever.

“That seems extreme, Elsi. Why can’t you just vouch?”

What if it’s not another SP? What if it’s your wife?

“OH YEAH. THANKS FOR THE SOLID, ELSI. YOU REALLY ARE SO VERY SMART.”

Do

Help yourself to all the content by me and about me on the internet, including reviews, rants, selfies, nudes, and snarks.

Do Not

Ask me to prove myself with a phone call, a picture, or some bespoke beat poetry. You're the unknown quantity. Ask not what Elsi can do for you, but what you can do for your Elsi.