Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Haven't been myself lately. Heck, I don't even know who I am now. A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by and I'm slipping away. My soul is dying, my HEART is practically dead. I've been feeling lonely in and out. I used to feel it every once in awhile but now I feel it 24hours. I have friends around me but it still feels the same. I'm here waiting but don't know waiting for what.

I feel my life is so empty. There's no purpose, no goal.I feel so useless. I feel so small in this big world. I've been missing out on life, from the world. Its been awhile since I watch a movie as well. I also HATE going home. There's nobody. I'd rather stay in college the whole day.Life knocks me down but I've got no one to turn to. Friends are around me, yes but its not the same. I can tell all my problems and worries to my friend, yes but its not the same. With a 'special' one, I can lean onto him, tell him everything and he'll be there to assure me that I'm okay and everything will be fine. I used to have something to look forward to everyday but now, my life is empty. My life, I don't know if I have one...Love was right in-front of my path, in my grasp. Me and you belong but...

Thursday, June 24, 2010

I still remember all the things you've done for me...all the nostalgic memories. When I was 7 years old, you bought me Happy Meal from McDonald's everyday because it comes with the Power Rangers figurine and their megazords. There were like one figurine each week. You bought me one each week until I have the whole set. I still keep those Power Rangers figurines. Whatever I want, whatever I need, you gave me. When I came to my teenage year, I wanted to go here and there. Shopping, hang out, dine with friends. You always make sure I reach to my destinations. Sometimes even when its really far away, you would drive me there too. From Queensbay to Gurney. We've had our fair share of arguments, disagreements, different point of views. I always want to win. I am truly sorry for ever raising my voice. I'll miss hearing your voice asking me to buy newspaper, asking me to do this, do that, your honking in the morning rushing me to go college, you knocking on the door asking me to open up.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I know every single thing that you are feeling now because I was once in your position. I had almost the same 'relationship' thing that you are going through now. When this thing first started, I see that maybe it could work out. That maybe you guys are for each other. Then you saw what I did with "you know who" so you thought of giving it a try, take a leap of faith and try. It is heartbreaking to see this, that unfortunately you didn't get an answer from her until today. Yes, the leap of faith that I took paid off but it only caused me more harm than good. I suffered more than I was happy. This kind of relationship will always leave you in the limbo, feeling insecure. I've been hanging out with you almost everyday. You've seen how my relationship go up and down, tumble and crumbled. And I have seen what you did for her. Everyone could see it. I am pretty sure she could see it but just don't know how to appreciate it. She is not a bad person but somehow people get the impression that she's using you. These days, all I see is her talking about her assignments to you. Thats all. Whenever she sees you, she's telling you that the assignment you do for her is wrong, need to change this and that. She said don't want to rely on you, you said you promised her already. But everytime when she say you did a mistake on her assignment, did she ever say "nevermind, I'll do it"? She did not. Not even once. To me, helping someone do assignment is a stupid thing. You should let her learn and grow. If you help her, its ok. At least she learn something but you help her do it completely. We have even sit in their class. She was just sleeping while you did everything for her. As a junior, don't you feel them as seniors should feel ashamed to ask us, the juniors for help on their assignment? For god's sake, we have yet to take that subject also. Not just her, any seniors who ask junior to help them do their assignments ought to be ashamed of themselves.

Hansel Khoo, do you realize what your life has become? Everyday you go college in the morning, you wait for her before you go in to class. If she's there, you talk to her but end up feeling emo. If she's not there, you either end up feeling emo also or you hope to see her later after class. Ok, finish class, you go canteen and hope to see her. Sometimes you get to, sometimes you don't. You used to eat with her. We used to. Now, no more. Sometimes she see you also she don't even realize you're there. On Thursday, it was the worst! The moment she got out of her class, you rush to her and sat down. The first thing I saw she took out was her assignment. Hansel, think! Has it come to this point where you and her conversation is only about HER assignment? You get hurt each time she talks about 'him'. There's no guarantee that you guys will last because it seems and looks like a one way thing. You are the one rushing here and there for her but she rush for 'him' no matter how bad he treats her. Yes, she told you that people around her ask her to get rid of 'him'. Whats the point in telling you that if she's not going to do it? Its like giving you false hope. No, it is giving you false hope. You get so happy that maybe, MAYBE...there's a chance for you to be with her. Then you wait, wait and WAiT but it never happens. I'm sure you don't want to be the bad guy also. You wouldn't want people to say you are the reason for whatever she did. Its time to let go...

If you guys are meant to be, then it will happen. If not, no choice. Maybe it might work in the future but definitely not now. I don't see it happening. I've been down that road and I got hurt REALLY BAD. As a friend, I don't want you to feel that, to go down that road. I don't want you to give up on love, to feel that there's nothing left in this world thats worth fighting for. You world will crumble if you continue on. You will end up being bitter and angry at everything just like I was for the past 3weeks.

Just let go. You have me, Keisha, Wei Loon, Annie and Anne with you. What are you afraid of? I know letting go is hard and its different to have us around you than 'her'. Maybe if you just leave it be and lay low, things will happen? But I am sure its not her...

Thursday, June 17, 2010

I'm back, BOOM BOOM Chambre! YES, muahahahaha! Seriously, I haven't had so much fun since April. It all started with classmates' plan to go SiXTY9iNE Mansion By The Beach but it was cancelled. Since I'm feeling the party mood, I decide to ask around. Hansel tak jadi la because whenever Lee Wen don't want to go with us to this or that place, he also don't want. Frust wit these two. Anyways, while working I decided to ask Kenrick, my colleague if he wants to go out tonight. Knowing him, he will want to go out. Where to go? I suggested BOOM BOOM! It has stand-up comedy and by the looks of it, Ken likes comedy. Why not? We drag Reena, Sandy and Daryl together. I've got other friends who were supposed to join but in the end, aeroplane. Anyways, I bump into Kyle over at FAME, wished him a Happy Birthday (I didn't know!), tell me earlier la, buddy! Then I went over to OneClub where I met Ashley & Stephanie.

We had fun at BOOM BOOM! Freda was the bomb! Then the dance and the music, hehe...and Daryl...LOL! Oh, oh! I finally know the name of the dancer that I've been eye-ing on over at BOOM BOOM, hehe. And boy, Slippery Senorita has got a pretty good band! Back to BOOM BOOM, ah...it feels like home. I seriously LOVE BOOM BOOM! And there's a Talent Search today at 10,30pm! I wish I can go...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I realized nowadays, lecturers at college level likes to call their student stupid. Don't know whats wrong with these people. There's a reason why we enter college, why our parents send us to college. To gain knowledge, not to be called stupid. We made it to college level and obviously its not by pure stupidity. As for those who likes to threaten their students by telling that they have a temper, who doesn't have a temper? I've got explosive temper if you step on my tail. Your job as an educator, to teach and pass on your knowledge, not to patronize us and call us stupid. Using the sentence 'brain power low' is also the same. If you don't have the patience to educate, then don't. I'm not saying we are right. Yes, we are noisy, we are cheeky etc. We're teenagers, thats who we are. You just have to deal with it. I don't care how you have been affected previously, whether you almost wanted to resign, thats your problem just like when you say whether we can or cannot do our assignment is not your problem, that your job is to come lecturer and get paid. I ave never met these kind of lecturers. My lecturers from the 1st Semester were the best. Thank God still get to see them and Ms. Ooi is forever nice. These are lecturers that we look up to, Aaron, Ms. Ng, Kelsen, Chun Woei, Ms. Ooi. For those lecturers who thinks their students are stupid etc, if we are stupid now, you were once stupid too. These people are not worth me RESPECTiNG. And by the way, I'm talking about 2 lecturers here incase you're wondering. Don't bother straining your mind.

If only Mr. Aaron is still teaching Basic News Reporting & Writing Skills, it'd be fun...

Friday, June 11, 2010

But she doesn't have one. Annie is her name. Sometimes we call her AnnieThing, sometimes we call her AnnieW(r)ong, sometimes we call her Something W(r)ong. I got to know her on my 3rd day in college. From the first semester until now, she is the one friend that I have not had any conflict with. Annie's always been the smartest one in class. She sings well, does really well in her studies too. But Annie has a deep dark secret. She can talk cock! Yes! Hansel & I discovered that today. She's been high since yesterday. She laugh and laugh like there's no tomorrow. Annie, Annie...

Anyways, I know behind the laughters and all the cock-talking, you are having some emotional problems inside. I've been down the same road. I hope you'll feel better. Time will heal it. Just take things slowly. Don't mess up your head with all the unnecessary shit. If there's anything, you can always come to me and Hansel. We also can talk cock. Remember our crapping session in Gurney's MPH? 1 word- SPEECHLESS...

The much awaited music video by Lady Gaga is finally out. Her MV for Alejandro takes on the feel of gothic, dark and basically everything dark. Alot of people said they preferred her Telephone MV but there's no point comparing both because both are different song with different theme. To me, the Alejandro MV may be a little bit quirky and 100% outrageous but its Lady Gaga and her creativity just blows your mind.

This music video sees a mix of leather, funeral, cold-blooded heart which Gaga held at the beginning of the MV, alot of sexual tension and sexual energy, elements of SM were throw in as well. The weirdest would probably be the male dancers on heels. Then there's Gaga's bra which are attached with 2 rifles. Amazing? Weird? Crazy? Up to you to decide. To me, brilliant. She may not be a dancer but her dance steps are pretty catchy. She even dressed up like a nun and swallowed the whole rosary. Looks like Gaga is trying to make her MV into a mini-story what with the music video consuming over 8minutes. Wonder which song she will release next and another music video to be excited about!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

There is this fugly by the name of Chan Siang Yen. Incase you guys don't know what fugly means, its FUCKiNG UGLY. And this fugly happens to be my lecturer for Basic News Reporting & Writing Skills. On his first day, he told us that he has a temper and he has already stereotyped us. Isn't that fabulous to hear on your first class? Yeah...

The way he teach, nobody understands. He just go on and on and nobody listens although he say others do listen. Its not that we don't like him but its the way he portrayed himself to us. He don't seem to care about anything but himself. That I don't care but DON'T YOU DARE CALL US STUPiD! Do you know the definition of STUPiD? If you don't, please go to Google or Wikipedia and search for it. My parents has never called me stupid. Who are you to call me/us stupid? Maybe you're the bird brain yourself. You wanna show me your temper? Guess what? I have a BiGGER TEMPER than you! Nobody has seen my temper and what I showed you today is just a teaser to my temper! You don't know me! I am a MULTi-TASKER. I can do my own stuffs while listening to you blahblahblah. I have multi-task for my entire life. Don't try to tell me what I should do. You tried to laugh but you don't even know how to laugh, please...go back and learn how to laugh. Why not try http://www.youtube.com and search for 'How To Laugh'. It starts with you opening your mouth, let the air goes in and let out audio from your throat. Simple. Who's STUPiD? Don't even know how to laugh, poor thing. And when you really laugh, nobody laugh with you.

You told me to get out of the class? My only answer to you is "MY PLEASURE!". I was already wanting to get the hell out of your class but tried to bare with it until you call us STUPiD. Others may not dare to answer you back but not me. I don't think its smart for me to do so but I just have to stand up to what I believe. I made a mistake by saying 1 word but actually its 2 words. Thats FUCK YOU. You're the STUPiD. When I scold you the F word, you replied by saying "Go Ahead". BODOH~

Sunday, June 6, 2010

I was caught in a Bad Romance with my own Alejandro. Now? Left alone, Speechless to Dance In The Dark. The Telephone which used to ring none-stop has stop ringing. All the heartache is turning me into a Monster. There was once where I thought I would Fight For This Love, you were my Parachute. Guess those 3 Words meant nothing. Now? I'll never be the same If We Ever Meet Again...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

A CAMWHORE to be precise...Lately, pictures that I take came out very nice...I looked really cute in them, hehe...I'm starting to realize that I AM CUTE, haha...I'm bound to get lotsa slap after this but whats wrong with feeling good about yourself? Hehe...

It has been decided. I started with Journalism cuz I like magazines and stuffs like that. Then I almost took the Broadcasting road. Turned away from it, why? Cuz its seriously hard to find jobs with Broadcasting. Plus, this semester is already taxing enough, I don't want the next semester to be day and night shooting and editing and be a zombie. Why not Journalism? I don't see myself sitting in a cubicle and just write...and I don't like being forced to write something that I don't like. for example, political stuffs. I have no interest whatsoever in it. Then why PR & Advertising? People's been saying it has got more opportunity and it opens up more doors. I decided to do PR & Advertising but I'm leaning more towards the Advertising side. I think I have the ideas...haha, we'll see. Plus, I can write and its going to open more doors for me. Hopefully, this is the final and right choice.

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

People say I've change. not necessary for the best. I've been told that my personality has changed. It hasn't change like in a BiG way but I guess I just don't care what people think about me anymore. If I were to care about others feelings and the way they look at me, it'd take forever. I might as well take care of my own feelings and do things for my own sake. I'm not pointing this to anyone in particular but thats just the way I'm feeling nowadays.

This song by Katy Pery & Timbaland really got into the mood. Yes I've changed so just accept it. I'll never be the same...