This is the story of Eilidh, Ben, Tom and Tom’s overland journey from Melbourne, Australia to Appin, Scotland. We drove 56,650km over 1,080.5 hours, crossed 43 countries and took 339 days, and we want to share our experience with you. Find us on facebook at facebook.com/4guysinacar .

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Tuesday, 8 July 2014

2 Guys in North Korea

So once again, I have to apologise for the
long time between posts. The reason is that our travels are briefly
on hold while we live somewhat normal lives in Melbourne and prepare
ourselves for our next extravaganza, so assuming that you're not
particularly interested in hearing about what we bought at the
supermarket or which television shows we watched, I decided to keep
quiet for a bit.

"4 Guys in a Car: The Book" is still on
its way, but as is often the case with these things I guess,
it's taking longer than hoped, but it is still very much in the
pipelines. And don't worry, I will certainly let you know when that
happens. However in the mean time we have had one small
adventure that might intrigue some of you.

From quite a while back, Ben and I had been
developing an ambition, a craving even, to visit North Korea, or DPRK
(Democratic People's Republic of Korea) as it is formally
known, and referred to as inside the country. As such we decided to
get married so we could go there on our honeymoon. And in a nutshell:
it was truly fantastic. (Even though we didn't get to drive our own
car.)

To be honest, we did have our reservations about
going there. We're pretty gung-ho, but we're not completely fearless,
and we've seen all the same media as everyone else. This person
arrested for that, that person arrested for this, nuclear weapons
being tested here, there and everywhere, and a whole country of
people who are completely brainwashed and will do whatever they're
told and believe everything they hear. No communications with the
rest of the world, no foreign consular services, and no straying from
your tour guide for the whole time you're there. There would be no
looking at this, no looking at that, no going over there, no speaking
to these people or talking about that subject. No internet, no
phones. This of course didn't deter us in the slightest from wanting
to go there, it just made us think we'd have to be careful. We were
expecting it all to be very exciting, but frankly we were prepared to
be exhausted.

As is the case with many things though, the
impression that we'd built up over years of gleaming
snippets from other people's experiences, was really nothing
like the reality that we found. The stories of empty restaurants
being set up only for us, only being taken to a very small handful of
things that we're "allowed to see", and everything seeming
contrived, as if it was put there just for show, was absolute bogus.
Obviously we were on a tour, and like with tours in any country, that
meant we had an itinerary organised for us every day, and we were
following around a group and a guide the whole time. It was a bit
tighter than most tours in that our free time was within a certain
location and we weren't able to leave the hotel by ourselves,
but we barely even noticed because there was so much fun and cool
stuff to do and see.

No, of course they didn't take us on a tour of the
slums, or go on and on about any heinous crimes to humanity that
their leaders may or may not have committed, but really, would you
get that anywhere? Yes, ghost tours and tours of the underworld and
such like are becoming pretty trendy in the western world, but in a
very romanticised and dramatised fashion. You don't go on a tour of
Melbourne and sit on the bus to have a guide tell you about a
policeman shooting and killing a young man, or a security guard
knocking out a drunk girl, or the woman who was raped just over
there; they'll tell you about pioneers who have roads, buildings,
suburbs and schools named after them, and all the amazing and unique
events held in the city every year, and how we produce this and
invented that and the world can thank us for this other thing. The
outstanding difference, which I admit is quite an important one, is
that 99% of what was told/shown to us in North Korea was about one of
the three Leaders. But of course they were going to take us to see
the interesting and admirable things and show off about their
country.

Our itinerary involved trips to several cool bars
and a microbrewery, a waterpark and leisure centre, a bowling alley,
a sports complex and a hot spa resort, just to name a few. In
amongst our organised itinerary though we also had the opportunity to
go a bit out of the way and explore some places that would have been
impossible to find without our amazing western guides (more about
them to follow). One day for example we were disembarking from the
bus to walk through Kim Il Sung Square to the foreign language
bookshop (an absolutely fantastic place to buy souvenirs by the way),
when our Kiwi guide, Troy, mentioned that there was a nice little
cafe in the drab looking, non-descript grey building just in front of
us. Assuming we wouldn't be able to go there, we asked him a bit
about it, and then much to our surprise, he suggested we check it
out. He went and asked our local guide (even the western guides
aren't really supposed to be unaccompanied) who had no hesitation in
letting us wander there by ourselves, and so in we went. It looked
like a pretty normal cafe, a bit less hipster and trendy than we've
become accustomed to over the last few years, at least here in
Melbourne, but there was one local guy sitting there sipping on
something and it was very much a real cafe. A couple of us ordered
coffees which were made on their surprisingly up-to-date espresso
machine, and we paid at the hard currency desk*. That was an
experience we certainly weren't expecting to get in North Korea!

I could go on and on about all the really
unexpected and incredible experiences and conversations we had, but
I'd probably use up the whole capacity of the internet. There was the
walk in the park on the national holiday to commemorate the late
President Kim Il Sung's 102nd birthday, which turned into
Ben and I joining in an impromptu dancing and singing show with some
locals; the time we witnessed a mass dance and were urged to join in
(we obviously did, and magnificently so if I do say so myself); we
were at a firework show where we became completely separated from our
group and guides, and were pushed side to side by a mosh pit of
partying Koreans, all using phones to text, make calls, and take
pictures; there was the conversation with one of our Korean guides
about the unification of Ireland and the other guide who couldn't
stop telling dirty jokes.

Having said all that though, I can't completely
gloss over what you're all wondering: yes we did see some of the
stuff that you'd be expecting. We were given a couple of heinously
contrived tours of cooperative farms; we were taken to a few schools
and kindergartens, including the famous Children's Palace, where we
were given matching shows of disturbingly perfect songs and dances,
all of which told the same story of the revolution; we bowed in front
of statues, pictures and even the embalmed bodies of the revered
President Kim Il Sung and General Kim Jong Il; and we had to of
course be extremely careful not to say anything negative, or even not
completely positive, about any of the Leaders.

I should say that I am
not in any way claiming that the atrocities that the Leaders are
alleged to having committed are or aren't true, and I'm certainly not
supporting the regime in any way. All I'm telling you about is the
experience that we had there as tourists, and pointing out that I
think we usually only get one picture painted for us about North
Korea, and it seems that most people go there with the resolution
that it will be like this and they will take the pictures and tell
the stories that support the image we have of this insane,
brainwashed country. There is actually more to it than youtube clips
of 1000's of Koreans dancing in perfect unison, pictures of rows and
rows of uniformed military marching in time to a horrible recording
of an eerie revolutionary song and rules about where and when to bow.
It is, in fact, a country full of real people with families, careers,
hobbies, ambitions, ideas and personalities. And it is a damn fine place to go for a fun and interesting holiday.

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