Contentions

You’ve probably heard about the schools that have been renamed for President-elect Barack Obama, as well as the activists who have changed their middle names to Hussein in his honor. Though all these gestures are incredibly premature expressions of respect for our 44th President–who hasn’t even taken office, let alone been judged by history–they are hardly surprising. After all, presidents’ names are affixed to all kinds of public institutions, and activists are, well, crazy.

Yet the Brooklyn Cyclones have finally found a way to take the practice of instant Obama worship to the next level. For their season opener, the Mets’ Coney Island-based minor-league team will rename itself the Baracklyn Cyclones, and don remarkably hideous “Baracklyn” jerseys. The account of how this gimmick was conceptualized reads like it was ripped straight off of Chris Matthews’ teleprompter:

We were somewhat hesitant, because political figures and issues can be polarizing and are therefore usually considered taboo when using them in a promotion. But not Obama, right? He stands for unity. He is the polar opposite of polarizing. He’s like, bi-polar! Or a polar bear! Or, something like that…you get the picture. He doesn’t tear people apart, he brings them together. And he’s going to be the new President! What red-blooded American wouldn’t support a new President, fighting to change the country for the better?

The first 2,500 fans in attendance will receive Barack Obama bobble-head dolls–or at least that’s what the Cyclones are calling them. As far as I can tell from the tone of the press release, however, they’re actually pagan idols.