2012: Is it really all over? Were the Mayans right?

We write this traditional New Year's retrospective, obviously, on Dec. 20, as the world is about to end. While we realize there will be no more "paper" by Jan. 1 -- we can read the Mayan calendar as well as anyone, thank you -- we also know a larger Truth: On the Internet, everything lasts forever.

As to who will read us online, well, we figure ... wait. Wait, is that -- is that paper we're on? Is that you sitting there with your coffee, fumbling groggily past us on your way to the comics page? What a shock. Because really, so much that happened in 2012 politics can be explained only by the expectation that there would be no 2013 to worry about.

In 2012 America inexplicably re-elected President Barack Obama, who, according to Fox News, is the most unpopular leader in the history of all mankind. How did it happen?

Republicans, realizing they needed to attract people of Latin American descent, adopted the Mayan calendar. Then, realizing there was no point in winning the election, they decided to just have fun.

They unleashed Newt Gingrich, with his plan to colonize the moon and his laser wit, which, during a series of primary debates that someone secretly televised, shredded his opponents and saved Democrats the trouble. The party nominated Mitt Romney for being the least politically correct, driving around with his dog on top of his car, bragging about binders full of women and calling 47 percent of Americans leeches.

Obama, having figured out the GOP's Mayan strategy, played along by coming to the first debate in pajamas and answering most questions: "Blah, blah, blah."

Voters didn't get the joke, however. They thought the election was serious, and they sort of liked having health insurance, stopping rather than starting wars and asking the rich to pay a little higher tax. In Florida, where Republicans had passed laws to discourage voting, people stood in line for seven hours for their ballot as if it were Springsteen tickets. Obama won, and now it turns out the story continues in 2013. But it's a cliffhanger.

California

The Mayan apocalypse was in play here. How else to explain our skeptical voters' approval of just about every tax in sight? Surely people didn't expect to actually pay them. Not that they aren't needed, but need is rarely the prime motivator on a tax-heavy ballot like November's.

Voters also elected a supermajority of Democrats in the Legislature, and the Republican congressional delegation has made the endangered species list.

But wait. There's Gov. Jerry Brown, promising to keep a lid on spending to justify voters' trust. And the economy is picking up. Could voters just be feeling more confident, willing to invest a little more in schools and water and other things they care about, and happy with a no-baloney governor they might actually trust?

Maybe. But we're not writing off the Mayas yet.

It's a new year. We hope a happy and productive one, since we'll be here for awhile. At least until the end of the next Mayan era. Mark your calendars.