The sex talk with teenagers

My friend asked me if I think having a frank discussion about safe sex encourages sex. She was concerned that it is like giving permission. Personally it's a chance I'm willing to take to avoid STIs and pregnancy. I'm more concerned that my daughter will have sex earlier than she is ready due to peer pressure. Is handing your kid a condom really such a risk factor?

My friend asked me if I think having a frank discussion about safe sex encourages sex. She was concerned that it is like giving permission. Personally it's a chance I'm willing to take to avoid STIs and pregnancy. I'm more concerned that my daughter will have sex earlier than she is ready due to peer pressure. Is handing your kid a condom really such a risk factor?

I think it's a lot like teaching a kid about gun safety. I'm not going to hand her a gun and send her on her way, but I would rather she know what to do if she encounters a weapon. My weapons may be kept where she can't reach them, but I can't ensure the same when she's out of my sight. I will prepare her for the possibility so she doesn't get hurt by accident. Same thing with sex. I would rather my child be prepared to have sex safely if she chooses to do so than get pregnant or get a disease because she didn't understand how to use contraceptives.

I think it's a lot like teaching a kid about gun safety. I'm not going to hand her a gun and send her on her way, but I would rather she know what to do if she encounters a weapon. My weapons may be kept where she can't reach them, but I can't ensure the same when she's out of my sight. I will prepare her for the possibility so she doesn't get hurt by accident. Same thing with sex. I would rather my child be prepared to have sex safely if she chooses to do so than get pregnant or get a disease because she didn't understand how to use contraceptives.

Agreed! I was a teen mom 16 when I found out! I don't want that for my daughters! I want them to know that if they are going to have sex they use protection from pregnancy and STDs! I want them not only physically prepared with protection but, mentally prepared for the emotions and what not that comes with sex! I want them to know they can always talked to me about anything!

Agreed! I was a teen mom 16 when I found out! I don't want that for my daughters! I want them to know that if they are going to have sex they use protection from pregnancy and STDs! I want them not only physically prepared with protection but, mentally prepared for the emotions and what not that comes with sex! I want them to know they can always talked to me about anything!

My parents never gave me the sex talk, and I managed to get pregnant at 15. I did end up terminating the pregnancy on a doctors recommendation, I think is so important. If someone would have told me that alls it takes is just once, I think it would have never happened. I'm just very lucky I made it out without any stds. When my little girl is old enough, we will have a very serious conversation about sex. And I will let her know about my pregnancy, the riff it caused in my family and everything else.

My parents never gave me the sex talk, and I managed to get pregnant at 15. I did end up terminating the pregnancy on a doctors recommendation, I think is so important. If someone would have told me that alls it takes is just once, I think it would have never happened. I'm just very lucky I made it out without any stds. When my little girl is old enough, we will have a very serious conversation about sex. And I will let her know about my pregnancy, the riff it caused in my family and everything else.

I don't think you should wait till they're teenagers tbh. The more information they have the better able they are to make a good decision. Conversations about relationships and the body should be ongoing IMO.

I don't think you should wait till they're teenagers tbh. The more information they have the better able they are to make a good decision. Conversations about relationships and the body should be ongoing IMO.

It is not giving permission, it is giving information to (hopefully) make wise educated decisions. A friend of mine's daughter came to her when she was 16 and had had the same "boyfriend" for 1 year and asked her mom to put her on birth control. She said no! She felt like that would be giving her permission so she told her daughter if you guys are still together in one year and you still want BC then I will put you on it. Well... guess what... six months later her daughter is pregnant. Chances are your children know more than you would like them to and its probably not all that accurate of information since its coming from their young peers. Im all for laying it out there. If I could I would bring every teenager to the ER and have them sit through some of the pelvic exams for STDs and teen pregnancies.

It is not giving permission, it is giving information to (hopefully) make wise educated decisions. A friend of mine's daughter came to her when she was 16 and had had the same "boyfriend" for 1 year and asked her mom to put her on birth control. She said no! She felt like that would be giving her permission so she told her daughter if you guys are still together in one year and you still want BC then I will put you on it. Well... guess what... six months later her daughter is pregnant. Chances are your children know more than you would like them to and its probably not all that accurate of information since its coming from their young peers. Im all for laying it out there. If I could I would bring every teenager to the ER and have them sit through some of the pelvic exams for STDs and teen pregnancies.

Have the talk - a FEW times- encourage questions - this may include faking calmness - couple this with leaving literature and websites for them to peruse- Repeat your message that you do not want them having sex - why- I take the least condescending route possible - sounds obvious but... We have talked about the emotions - respecting ourselves - the other person , no means no, not to EVER pressure ( I have a boy) , how some young women may OFFER- how to deal with that, stds, pregnancy , healthy age boundaries etc. I have lived to tell the tale..and now have a newborn!!!!!!!

Have the talk - a FEW times- encourage questions - this may include faking calmness - couple this with leaving literature and websites for them to peruse- Repeat your message that you do not want them having sex - why- I take the least condescending route possible - sounds obvious but... We have talked about the emotions - respecting ourselves - the other person , no means no, not to EVER pressure ( I have a boy) , how some young women may OFFER- how to deal with that, stds, pregnancy , healthy age boundaries etc. I have lived to tell the tale..and now have a newborn!!!!!!!

They have done studies over and over that prove sex education reduces the instance of teen pregnancy and STIs. I also just recently read about a huge study with 8,000 kids by providing birth control and there was a huge reduction in the number of teen pregnancies. I wholeheartedly agree with teaching kids that abstinence is the best way to avoid pregnancy and STIs, but it needs to be part of a full discussion of choices and options. I can't find it now, but I'll look later when I'm in the computer.

They have done studies over and over that prove sex education reduces the instance of teen pregnancy and STIs. I also just recently read about a huge study with 8,000 kids by providing birth control and there was a huge reduction in the number of teen pregnancies. I wholeheartedly agree with teaching kids that abstinence is the best way to avoid pregnancy and STIs, but it needs to be part of a full discussion of choices and options. I can't find it now, but I'll look later when I'm in the computer.

I will try to do things the way my mum did with me growing up. We always had an open forum about sex...there was no specific "sex talk"...from books like "where did I come from?" as a child to discussing her own experience with loosing her virginity (obviously no gory details but the process in deciding when the right time is and who the right person is)... When the time was right for me I had no embarrassment going to my mum and asking to go on birth control.

I will try to do things the way my mum did with me growing up. We always had an open forum about sex...there was no specific "sex talk"...from books like "where did I come from?" as a child to discussing her own experience with loosing her virginity (obviously no gory details but the process in deciding when the right time is and who the right person is)... When the time was right for me I had no embarrassment going to my mum and asking to go on birth control.

Growing up, sex was dirty & wrong. I remember being sat down for the talk, & hearing "Now I don't want to hear about it again." Waiting until you have a teen is too late. & I'm not above illustrating the hazards once I do have a teen. Blue waffle oughta do it.

Growing up, sex was dirty & wrong. I remember being sat down for the talk, & hearing "Now I don't want to hear about it again." Waiting until you have a teen is too late. & I'm not above illustrating the hazards once I do have a teen. Blue waffle oughta do it.

My parents never had the sex talk with me. I lost my virginity at 12 to a much older kid, around 17. I had NO idea what i was doing. I didn't know what sex was, i didn't know it was supposed to be private or special, and i didn't know that the boy was taking advantage of me. It wasn't until high school that i learned about sex, but it was already too late. I truly believe that if my parents talked to me at a young age, and didn't act as if there were no such thing as penises and vaginas, i wouldn't have done it so early. Please teach your kids before they try to learn (in the wrong ways) on their own!

My parents never had the sex talk with me. I lost my virginity at 12 to a much older kid, around 17. I had NO idea what i was doing. I didn't know what sex was, i didn't know it was supposed to be private or special, and i didn't know that the boy was taking advantage of me. It wasn't until high school that i learned about sex, but it was already too late. I truly believe that if my parents talked to me at a young age, and didn't act as if there were no such thing as penises and vaginas, i wouldn't have done it so early. Please teach your kids before they try to learn (in the wrong ways) on their own!

I agree with the comparison to gun safety. Better to be prepared than to deal with the consequences of not talking about it. I HOPE my kids wait until they are fully ready and are safe about it. I'll be honest with them about my experiences too. My husband (their dad) is only the third man I've been with. I waited until I was 19 to have sex for the first time and I still wasn't ready. I'd rather have a frank discussion with my kids about safe sex than end up playing mother to a grandchild with a teenage mom/father. More than that I fear my daughter having to make the decision to abort/adopt and the emotional repercussions that stem from those choices.

I agree with the comparison to gun safety. Better to be prepared than to deal with the consequences of not talking about it. I HOPE my kids wait until they are fully ready and are safe about it. I'll be honest with them about my experiences too. My husband (their dad) is only the third man I've been with. I waited until I was 19 to have sex for the first time and I still wasn't ready. I'd rather have a frank discussion with my kids about safe sex than end up playing mother to a grandchild with a teenage mom/father. More than that I fear my daughter having to make the decision to abort/adopt and the emotional repercussions that stem from those choices.

@tara I'm really sorry that is how you lost your virginity :( Definitely sounds confusing. I was a bit precocious already at 12 and things could have gotten too far so easily. My mom talked to us about sex often because my oldest sister got herself into some trouble early on. It's just too bad that it often waits til it's too late for someone.

@tara I'm really sorry that is how you lost your virginity :( Definitely sounds confusing. I was a bit precocious already at 12 and things could have gotten too far so easily. My mom talked to us about sex often because my oldest sister got herself into some trouble early on. It's just too bad that it often waits til it's too late for someone.

I would much rather talk to my kids about sex than have them be misinformed by their friends. I had a hard time faking calmness when my 10 year old asked me what a "faggot" and a "carpet muncher" is. The playground at school is not where I want my kids to be educated about sex. My friend's "sex talk" involved her mom telling her "if a boy tries to show you something you've never seen before, hit it with a stick".

I would much rather talk to my kids about sex than have them be misinformed by their friends. I had a hard time faking calmness when my 10 year old asked me what a "faggot" and a "carpet muncher" is. The playground at school is not where I want my kids to be educated about sex. My friend's "sex talk" involved her mom telling her "if a boy tries to show you something you've never seen before, hit it with a stick".

My mom told me don't bring any babies into the house and I never did. That didn't mean I wasn't having sex, which I was. But by the grace of God I never got pregnant. I know it wasnt right but I can't say it was anything else. Sure wasn't based on me counting my ovulation cycle. I was still afraid at 32 to tell her I was having a baby.

My mom told me don't bring any babies into the house and I never did. That didn't mean I wasn't having sex, which I was. But by the grace of God I never got pregnant. I know it wasnt right but I can't say it was anything else. Sure wasn't based on me counting my ovulation cycle. I was still afraid at 32 to tell her I was having a baby.

I was taught abstinence and ended up pregnant 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. Once I started having sex I was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for birth control. I'll be sure to not only teach my kids to practice safe sex but my daughters will be on birth control-like it or not.

I was taught abstinence and ended up pregnant 2 weeks after my 17th birthday. Once I started having sex I was too embarrassed and ashamed to ask for birth control. I'll be sure to not only teach my kids to practice safe sex but my daughters will be on birth control-like it or not.

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