Cathy Crabb

Biography

Cathy Crabb is a north-west based award winning writer and performer.

She has written over 20 plays including- Beautiful House, Roots of Love, Fifteen Minutes With You, The Bubbler and Moving Pictures.

Her plays, sketches and poetry have been performed at Contact, Theatre In the Mill, Royal Exchange, Lowry, Library Theatre, Green Room, The Black Lion, King's Arms, Lass O Gowrie and many site specific venues and pubs across the region.

Current projects for 2012-

The Bubbler embarks on a national tour of pubs.

Dramaturgy for Contact Theatre's Christmas Show.

Two living history pieces 'William Cuffay' and 'Baddies' run at the People's History Museum as part of their ongoing collections.

2013-

Proud and Loud collaboration Beyond The Fourth Wall tours North West

Enough Project (in conjunction with writer Emma Adams)is produced by Dep Arts, and tours North West

She performs her poetry at spoken word events and facilitates workshops on poetry and playwriting.

Samples

Sewer Side- a canal barge trip from Castlefield

Our mistake,
We thought it would be informative.
Oh, it was,

Down the canal
Slower than walking,
Slowed our pulses,

“Them slopes are where they use to drag thee ‘orses owt.”

A ratting tableau,
A man with a boy and a dog
And a gun
Shakes us up,

“Y’can buy this bridge over head for a penny.”

Snake’s skin shed
From secret sex life
Clings to industries arse,

“You really can’t beat a trip down canal as an insight into this cities ‘istory.”

You were consoled
By the barge barman
Who was under age
And couldn’t add up,

“Cheer up Cathy, here comes another of those depressing alcoves. Look, there’s some plastic bags and an old pram and oh look there, a dead drag queen, lovely.”

An old stocking
In charcoal grey
Laddered
By desperate ducks,

Our mistake,
We thought we could learn something
About our city,
Oh, we did.

MY DADDY'S BEST GENES

'Keep it down!'

But the bus driver couldn’t quieten his persona.
He was an anthology of aromas.
The urine and faeces he was born between had never left him.
Bullied into a mumble he tapped away at the crust.
He knows he’s in there somewhere.
I hated him for living longer than my Dad.

Hundreds came to my Dad’s funeral.
They drank till dawn in his pub.
When I counted the tills I was crying laughing.
He’d never done that well before on a Wednesday.

“You’re getting into windows of your mind there kid, not really my thing.”

My Dad misunderstood “Do not go gentle…”
He thought it was about accepting death.
When my brother read it out, it dawned on me.
I keep forgetting to mention it.

“She asked me where her keys were. I said how do I know? Me balls are made of gristle not crystal y’know?”

Some spirit of stenches roams around Oldham.
Trying to shake his brain awake.
Somebody has his eyes and his smile.
Another person is good at swimming like he use to be.

“When I hear the birds outside, it reminds me of Grandad at the bungalow.”

At home now I put my Daddy’s best genes to bowbies.
I kiss the eyes I’m in goodnight.
We haven’t got a heaven to help us sleep
Or a hell to keep us awake.
I think about the man on the bus.
I hated him for living longer than my Dad.

EPITAPH WRITTEN BY THE BAR MAID

Lager than life
At the bar on your thrown
Fuck off and leave me alone

Constantly burning holes in my head
If looks could kill
They'd have found me dead
With a note which read
"Smile love, it might never happen."

Your beer's always flat
Checking your change
You predictable twat

Spending your retirement
Mithering me
Till your lad came to get you for your tea

But you died instead
I said it would be ridiculous to have
"Rocking all over the world"
At your cremation
And it was.

Just letting you know your missed
Wherever you are
I hope your pissed.

ODE TO FRINGE THEATRE

The oily glitter in the gutter seeps songs into the soul
Of the drowning bloodshot beggars who have slipped into the hole,

Viruses and bruises cast a luminescent hue
To the wilting writhing weeds still wretching songs out to the few,

The choking flames illuminate the player’s grand debacle,
Like crystals cracked and brittle grasp at every hint of sparkle,

They drag regrets, bitterness and debts,
Like knuckles on the floor,
You would think we they had it all, but they still want more,

It must be watched, it must be gazed upon,
It must be seen and clapped and grazed upon,
It must be laughed at, forged and gorged upon,
It must be performed.

Orifices filled and stretched,
Fate on painted faces etched,
It’s all the show has left to fetch,
And it must be seen,

So peel your blood sewn eyes, you fools!
Shift and squirm upon your stools,
Drink your poison in your pools,
Watch hell’s molten as it cools
Before your slaps and claps and drools;
It must be seen,

It must be watched it must be glared at,
It must be witnessed must be stared at,
Must be snorted, sneered and jeered at,

Otherwise this brittle crawl,

Has no fucking point at all!

Get ready for the curtain call,

It must, be, seen!

All poems are copyright of the originating author. Permission must be obtained before using or performing others' poems.

Write out your joke in full
Read it aloud many times
Remove all diversions
Check for confused references
Ensure you have a command of the required terminology
Try not to get out of your depth
Avoid sporting, scientific or technical references
Limit your choice to sex and fashion
Political issues may only result in your being confused

Thanks for your comment on my FB poem Cathy. Yes - speaking to the wall is a strange concept - you ARE speaking to yourself - but at the same time everyone you ever knew - from the person you met in a lift a day or so ago to someone you haven't seen since your first job 20 years ago... Facebook is a crazy crazy place!

Kathy ( Hi :o) )you have now edged out Laura as my favoorite person. I will en-devour to teach, amuse and enlighten you regarding humour.
Call me on my private number anytime except Wednesdays and Saturdays evening as I will be shopping at Tesco's.

Hello Cathy. Many thanks for your kind comments on And Trio's.
I am embarrassed by the sentiments of some of the commentors who have all assumed that the piece is biographical.
I will of course explain to each, however I have not experienced a tragedy, but have merely been inspired by the potential of one.

Hello Cathy,
Many thanks for your comments on "White Rabbit".
I did suspect that the photo I pinned wasn't a rabbit.
When I googled for images of a rabbit I got some things with sticky-out bits which I just couldn't work out where they'd fit. You'll have to excuse my ignorance in the trouser department.
But in the pursuit of literary integrity I'd be happy to be shown.

you were AMAZING at Inside Out yesterday. I thought the whole evening was a wonderful mix of excellent performers and it was a joy to perform there. I love how your poems so easily mix very funny lines with sincere and deeply moving raw emotion. Your work is so, so enjoyable, celebratory and clever- absolutely excellent. please keep me up to date with where else your performing as i'm looking forward to seeing you on stage again