Female Led Relationships: The Truth Behind the Controversy

There are many different kinds of relationships out there but few of them are as misunderstood as female led relationships. A female led relationship is defined as a relationship in which the woman is in control or is the dominant partner. When most people think about happy, successful relationships they imagine a situation in which the partners work together as equals but for men and women who seek out female led relationships, equality is not part of the deal.

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What is a female led relationship?

As I mentioned in the introduction, a female led relationship is any relationship in which the female takes charge the majority of the time. This can actually encompass a wide variety of relationship types. Typically, female led relationships are divided into four categories ranging in severity to low levels of controlling behavior to extreme levels of controlling behavior. Let’s take a look at a brief outline of those levels:

Level One: Low Level Female Control

Level Two: Moderate Level Female Control

Level Three: Formal or Defined Control

Level Four: Extreme Control

Level one is obviously the most relaxed level. This level tends to encompass relationships in which the female makes the majority of the decisions and has low levels of control over the man in her life. Often times, female led relationships in this level are not decided on but are instead defined by a particular woman’s natural desire for control and a particular man’s natural desire to be submissive. This is also the relationship level some men may find themselves in unwittingly. A man in this sort of relationship may find that he’s not happy with the role he’s playing.

Level one female led relationships may also operate as a sort of introduction to higher levels of control. A woman may start out by trying to control the man in her life with simple gestures that may go unnoticed. She may try to get him to wear the clothes she wants him to wear. She may try to get him to eat the things she wants him to eat. The controlling behavior may get more severe as she tries to test the boundaries. The man may find that he enjoys it or he may push back. At that point, the situation will need to be discussed if the relationship is to continue.

Level one relationships are also very common with men who are curious about female led relationships but haven’t yet decided to commit fully to the lifestyle. They may try to ask their wives or girlfriends to take on a more commanding role in the relationship. If the woman is open to it, she may be willing to head in that direction. If she isn’t, the man will need to decide how much he wants this kind of relationship and decide whether or not this is the right relationship for him.

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Level two female led relationships is where the woman’s role as the dominant partner begins to get a little more serious. At this stage, experimentation is still a very likely possibility although it’s almost always something that’s discussed ahead of time. In this level, kinkier behavior becomes more normal. The man will want the woman in his life to be much more demanding and much more controlling. In most cases, the man will also expect to be punished if he disappoints the woman. This is really the stage when the rules are set. The man will often push the woman to try to move things further. She may be receptive. She may not.

Level three is very, very rarely anything other than completely voluntary. The man and woman may have experimented with female domination by testing the waters in levels one and two but in order to progress to level three, both parties need to be completely willing and interested in continuing their exploration. Men may also seek out women online or through personal ads if they’ve tried out levels one and two with a partner but want to move further than their partner is willing to go. In this level, the domination becomes more pronounced and begins to move beyond typical kink.

The couple is likely to develop a servant/master type relationship with the woman in charge. The woman takes much greater control of the man, telling him where he can go and when he can go there, who he can talk to, what he can wear, what he can eat, what he can say and when he can speak. She will take control of his money and decide where they are going as a couple. The man forfeits say in just about everything and in most relationships at this level, that’s exactly the way he wants it. This goes beyond experimentation and becomes a much more formal arrangement.

Level four is obviously the most intense level in the world of female led relationships. The woman is in complete and total control. Often, women at this level enjoy BDSM and may seek out men as pets or slaves. Men will seek out women at this level because they want to be completely controlled. It’s hard to understand as an outsider but remember, most men and women in this type of relationship at this level are there completely willingly. It’s what makes them happy and what excites them.

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Why do men seek out female led relationships?

There are a lot of reasons a man may seek out a female led relationship. Some powerful men who are successful in their work lives and control a lot of people – politicians, heads of law firms etc – want someone to take the reins at the end of a long work day. They are used to having people do whatever they tell them to do and the idea of having someone else take control can be appealing. These men aren’t used to feeling weak and the idea of playing that role, even for only a little while, can be appealing.

Some men may also seek out the company of a dominant woman as a way to fill the void left by an absent woman or to give them things their own mothers weren’t able to give them. For example, if a man’s mother was passive or coddled the man as a child, he may seek out a woman who is stronger, more confident and more demanding. They may seek out the discipline they didn’t get as a child in adulthood.

Other men just prefer to let a woman take charge. Sometimes men, just as much as women, have a hard time making decisions. Getting involved in a female led relationship takes the decision making burden off of the man. A strong, confident, take charge kind of woman isn’t afraid to make tough decisions when it comes down to the crunch and that in and of itself can appeal to men.

There are also men out there that enjoy bending to the every whim of the woman in their life. These men might look for women who demand gifts and demand constant attention from their man. They may treat the man more as a slave than as a romantic partner. While it looks to be degrading to the man from the outside, there are men who just enjoy being treated this way. It makes them feel powerful, needed and important. It makes them feel like they have a purpose and while it may be a sign of deep insecurity, that isn’t always the case. Some men just enjoy this kind of relationship and there’s really nothing wrong with that.

I won’t claim to completely understand why some men look for female led relationships but it’s important not to judge. There is a stigma attached to this sort of behavior and that can become a very dangerous thing. To be fair, many of the men that look for this type of relationship do so because it’s taboo and they like doing something that seems so wrong. To those men, I say enjoy it! However, men in these relationships for other reasons can feel ashamed of themselves. That shame could lead to depression and sometimes something worse. Let’s remember, we all have something that we do other people might find weird or unusual. When it comes right down to it, what a man or woman chooses to do in the privacy of their own home is their business and no one else’s.

4 COMMENTS

My wife and I have what seems to have drifted into a Level 3 FLR. It was not planned, but grew organically out of a spanking kink. The spankign kink grew into a domestic disciplined relationship, (we used her being able to spank me for any upsets as a way of dealing with hurts and upsets – and in particular for her to be ‘heard’). It served us as she was much younge rthan me and it balcned us out. That led to a FLR because she became confident enoug to say what she felt was right and then to take charge. It seems to work really well – for both of us.

There are quite a few men who seek Female Led Relationships with women and why not? Women make great leaders – in and out of the bedroom – and smart men know it. The problem isn’t convincing men it’s a good idea for women to lead; it’s convincing women. In my experience, most women confuse FLR’s with BDSM and S&M, assuming men want a dominatrix instead of a loving leading wife and partner willing to be loved and obeyed by the man in their life.