should i even bother?

Hello. Please bare with me, and if you get through all this I would really appreciate some advice

I am a 19 year old college student and just a few weeks ago something sparked my brain. I thought I "just didnt get it" or was just stupid. It has always been, "well, one day I'll learn" but my mindset is starting to change. Maybe I can't learn.

Some history:
Since grade school I have had troubles with math. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but when I needed to add or subtract I HAD to use my fingers AND a piece of paper. Then came along multiplication. I could NEVER remember ANY of the equations, and again, HAD to use my fingers AND paper. Dividing was just as hard (long division or basic). One, I never got it, and two, you need to know your multilplication tables. But still, I never thought it was a big deal. But through recent events, I started adding things up. I am 19, I can not read a traditional clock. To do so, I need to count, use my fingers, estimate, and take 5 minutes of my time. To this day I also can not read a ruler, or a measuring tape. I know what inches are, but the smaller lines leading to fractions baffle me. When I'm asked what time it is, and there's no digital clock, or asked to read a measurement, I blow them off, pretending like I don't care. When in reality, I do care, I just don't know. Always, I have had trouble with seeing numbers in my head. I can see pictures and words, tear them into definitional, understandable pieces, but can not do the same with numbers. Its as if the number 8 is just a symbol, it doesnt mean anything. Growing up, and still to this day, I also had trouble when letters are sitting next to numbers. Such as, 3D+5E looks like 30+53. I am an avid reader and aspiring writer when my attention span allows it, and comprehend and see letters and words perfectly. Growing up I was an A/B student, except for math where I recieved C's and D's. Again, growing up, I never thought it to be a big deal.

Now, what really got me going is when I was currently diagnosed with ADHD and took the IQ tests. I recieved a high college reading/writing level, and a 4th grade math level. With this, I have to take English 102 and Developmental Math (no credits for this class, just basic learning to get you ready for Algebra). When taking this developmental class, I don't see me being any different than when I was growing up. I don't see me getting through this class.

Like most people, I stereotyped Dyslexia as "just seeing letters backwards" and new no different for Discalculia/Discalculalia, it's "just seeing numbers backwards". I don't see numbers backwards, and I was always told that "everybody has a difficult subject".

Is it just "a difficult subject"? Or should I talk to my current psychiatrist about testing for learning disorders? Does this, at all, sound like Discalculia/Discalculalia? Or any other learning difficulty?

Please note, for years I have studied, and tried different techniques to learn. Nothing has worked successfully.

I study abnormal psychology, but know little about learning disorders. Growing up, I was mostly an A/B student, how could a Learning Disorder go so far undetected? If I do have Discalculalia, is there hope for me to learn, just in different ways? If I don't, what is going on?

Mostly appreciating you listening to me babble. Can anyone help? Or should I even bother?

I am sorry to hear you are having these difficulties, I am sure it is no fun. Yes LD's can go undected. I would say go with your heart, if you think you have a LD.... Since only you know you, then I would say yes, you have some sort of dylexia.

My son was labled ADD or ADHD by the school, I did not think that was his problem. His teachers thought he needed drugs and he would be fine, he was only slightly behind the rest of his class. I believed he was slightly dyslexic. Long story short: He qualified for special ed svcs for a "learning disablity"; despite this, I spent many hours looking at symptoms and reading personal stories of dyslexia, ADD and learning disablities in general, etc.. I also made phone calls to countless to include places that test for LD's.

At one point in this long jurney, someone asked me why I was pushing so hard for a diagnosis, when he was getting help? My answer was 3 fold:

1. Because I wanted the label of ADD or ADHD off his ed records, and the veiw of others that I was a bad mom for not drugging my son.
2. Prove I was right they were wrong, and I guess I always suspected I was slightly dyslexic.
3. AND MOST IMORTANT - He would get the individualized help he needs with accomodations. To include when he goes on to college (he's 11 now), he can get accomodations.

My son was diagnosed with a learning dyslexia. Accomodations have been made like: tests are read to him, unless the test is for reading. He is doing better, this year in 5th grade then any other school year!

I think you should speak to the career couselors (or what ever it's called at your college). I would tell them what your problem is (like you did here) and ask if there is a posibility of accomodations being made for you. If you need a DR's note before accomodations can be made..... Then you have your answer. If accomodations can not be made, then it still maybe worth it especially if you can get a diagnosis and find a program that will help you. I know with some kids for reading type dyslexia colored film can be placed over the paper, etc.... There are lots of tools from inexpensive to expesive.

So I guess what I am saying, don't give up on the idea of college. Find out what's wrong and then do the research for helping people with that diagnosis. I don't know what the help for your type of issue, since math is not a problem for me or my son.

One thing I did read that was helping kids is the omegas (fish oil). You may want to ****** that, with LD's.

Hope this helps, sorry if it doesn't. Again follow your heart! I know your heart knows your are not dumb!

Please ask about getting tested for a Learning Disability. You can be disabled in only one subject, math for you, and an honor student in the other subjects. If you are eligible then modifications and accommodations can be made in your math classes so you can be successful. Some universities have a department that does testing for Learning Disabilities for their students. You are not stupid!! Good luck and keep us posted.