Dealing With Ultimatums

ultimatum no. 4

A woman who’s requesting a change of behavior from you should be prepared to cut a deal when something is important to her. Compromising with your girlfriend shows that you value her point of view, but it also lets you retain your own standards, and dignity, without completely caving in. Since this ultimatum is a fairly grave one, and since you might not be comfortable showing your affections in public, it’s important to take the time to discuss when PDAs are and aren't acceptable. For example, you hold her hand on shopping trips, and she cools it when you're out with your pals.

ultimatum no. 5

If the request is outrageous or completely self-serving, it's fine to turn the tables and send the ultimatum back at her. If she says, "if you loved me you wouldn't go out with the guys tonight," your response could be, "if you loved me you wouldn’t be afraid of me having a social life." No woman can expect complete compliance when she's asking you to change, so when you rework her ultimatum into a response that focuses on her, she'll understand how the situation might really be about her and not you. Granted, your approach will have to be more gentle than what’s presented, but you get the general idea.

ultimatum no. 6

“If you don’t’ start calling me more and spending more time on our relationship, I’m not having sex with you.” Response tactic: Empathize with her

An upset or angry woman might throw ultimatums at you when she’s feeling out of control in other areas in her life. What she’s really after is the emotional satisfaction of power with the added benefit of your devotion. If her demanding and irrational behavior is obviously a result of tension elsewhere in her life and isn't really a valid reflection of the problems in your relationship, try setting the ultimatum aside and get to the root of the problem. As an example, she might be feeling isolated from a close friend and is looking for you to fill a void; her only recourse to get what she wants is to threaten your probation from her other void.

ultimatum no. 7

“You have six months to propose, or I’m finding someone who will.”

Response tactic: Refuse to cave

An ultimatum forces a decision, whether you're ready or not. If you don't want to play games with your woman or are tired of repetitive threats, call her bluff and let her follow through with her “or else.” If she has announced that she'll leave you if you don't propose by her birthday, let her. She'll no doubt come back to reality pretty quickly when she realized that her plan isn't going to work.

defusing her threats

Your woman’s ultimatums can make you feel as though you’re painted into a corner and they can put you on the defensive, which, of course, isn't going to make for a solid relationship. It's important to remember that not all ultimatums are created equal and, therefore, you can't respond the same way each time. When your girlfriend uses threats to get her way, the ball is in your court and the only thing you can control is your reaction. Knowing when to fight and when to go with the flow is the most vital ultimatum skill.