Like a mommy blog. Except I'm not a mommy. And it's about extreme DIY and homesteading. And food, food, food. And gardening in fishnets. And moonshine makin'. And the fine mess I've gotten us into this time. So not at all like a mommy blog. Ok, you know what, just read the damn blog.

Okay, so maybe the pumpkin plant just has its own special maternal “knowing feeling” when she’s expecting…she develops an interest in crochet, becomes addicted to IKEA catalogs, cries for no reason, craves pickles and bone meal…but this is how WE know she’s pregnant.

Misfits have asked, “How do you know if a squash flower is going to produce fruit?” Well, some squash flowers are male, and they’re really just there to get pollinators used to stopping by for a rub-down. But some flowers will bear fruit, and this will be obvious. No, really, it’s IMPOSSIBLE TO MISS. Look just before the flower bud. You’ll see a baby bump for sure. And in the picture above, that little round ball just before the flower bud is going to turn into a magical sky blue pumpkin streaked with clouds. Remember those seeds I was talking about?

This is, of course, barring natural disaster or squirrels, truly the most unnatural disaster of all (my new tactic: the soon-to-be-patented “Squirrel in a Jar”: fine fun for the whole family!). The garden’s suffered this year due to alternating droughts and then severe floods. It doesn’t just rain around here anymore, nooooo, it’s either dry and hot as Hades or IT’S A FRIGGIN’ MONSOON COMPLETE WITH HURRICANE-FORCE WINDS. And last year, Monsieur Squirrel (yes, he is French, I just know these things), in the days before my soon-to-be-patented Squirrel in a Jar, managed to get his dirty little paws into EVERY butternut squash. But didn’t the poor dear have a tummyache after eating all those squash, you ask?

Oh, no, not at all. You see, he took only a few bites of each squash before leaving it like so much trash and moving on to defile a fresh one.

(“Squirrel in a Jar, Squirrel in a Jar, that’ll fix everything, it’s all gonna be okay, Squirrel in a Jar will know what to do lalalalalala…”)

So, the point is, things happen and I may not get to see these punkins. But this plant, true to the lore surrounding its origin, is hardy as heavens-to-Betsy and quite the sprawling misfit. So let’s say it works out…should your Bad Mama Genny save seed and distribute it to some of you lucky vamps and vixens?