Category: Love

So a week ago I decided to try online dating for the first time since I have the freedom now ( I had a 6 year relationship). Therefore I would like to say….It was creepy as hell!

So at first, I joined Tinder and I quit right after because it was boring and Tinder had some kind of trick where you have to swipe right to like in order to go to another set of people. For some, you can tell who were potential catfish users and of course there were beautiful people who were probably getting a million likes a day.

After quitting Tinder, a friend recommended me trying Okcupid. I admit, I had fun taking these stupid matchmaking questions, but of course, writing my own profile was time consuming.

I chatted with two guys. One guy was very nice, he was French and an engineer. He had a great sense of humor and he was caring. He asked me 1 day later to go out with him ,but it was too soon for me. However, I kept chatting with him.

Another guy I chatted with was a grad student at the same college I graduated from. He was nice, but from the first chat, I had warning signs and I wished I knew sooner to cut him off for good. He acted clingy or perhaps needy. For example, whenever I get a break from Okcupid he would message me with sad emojis wondering if I have lost interest in him. I explained to him that I was busy.

Later we kept chatting on Okcupid and he asked to meet with me in person. I said I would if he agreed to video chat first because meeting people online vs meeting in person is totally different. You never know if the chemistry is real and you can save so much time.

So I was excited yet nervous to finally talk to him and thankfully he was the same person from the profile picture. However, everything went south!

After the fun basic questions, he started asking personal and inappropriate questions like how thick my legs were and how big my breast were. Of course I replied, “None of your damn business!” I was already ready to shut the call down.

After five minutes of giving him hints that I was no longer interested. I had to tell him straight up that we was not working.

I immediately stopped the video call app and deleted my Okcupid account all together. You all can judge me all you want, but I rather meet and feel chemistry in person than online.

After that bad experience from the creepy dude, I feel a little bad about disappearing from the french engineer because I enjoyed chatting with him. There was a connection and a sense of calmness with him unlike the creep. However, my body and spirit said that I need to date nobody but myself. I need to focus only on me because the real world has just started and I need to know more about me.

Overall, it was an experience I had to try.

Life Lesson #85: When life changes, walk, do not run unless…you are in a very bad moment.

I remember reading an article before graduating with my undergraduate degree in December. The article was about post-grad life where every graduate has to re-evaluate their future. For example, career paths, plan-of-living, friendships, and of course relationships.

A month ago, my first boyfriend and I have broken up. He calls it a “see-you-later,” trying to be optimistic about it ,however, I was a realist about it. In my mind, it was a break-up and to be honest, I think both of us knew that it was going to happen sooner or later, or maybe it was just me.

We had to part ways. Two years ago he moved to Kansas to finish school. As for me, I graduated with my bachelor’s still confused of what I want to do. We tried long-distance for about a year, but it was not enough for us, especially when I was beginning to change.

In all honesty, I felt it coming. During my college years, I had my heads in the clouds, dreaming thinking life will be easy after graduation like every other undergraduate that has not stepped into the real adult world.

After graduation, my head landed from the sky on planet reality. During winter break, my ex mentioned about moving with him in Kansas. He first mentioned this a few years ago and I immediately said yes without thinking through. When my ex reminded me again last year during winter break, I said yes out of fear that I cannot make it on my own. After the discussion, we spent Christmas in Kansas with his family. This was my second time visiting the state. I had a wonderful time with his family, but Kansas and I do not match.

I realized that Kansas is not for me. It reminded me of Saginaw, Michigan. It was full of small towns, smelly cows, and really not much to do unlike Atlanta. Also, I realized that moving to Kansas for him will only make him happy, not me.

After coming home from Kansas, our relationship got more distant. Our plans for the year was changing constantly. After taking a break, we realized that we can’t get through it. I tried to be patient while he was working so hard to take care of his family and trying to pay for school. As for me, I have to work on my future and learn more about myself without him. So that is the story…

Thank God the break up was mutual, but still it’s something to adjust to. I know he has been contacting me more but I have not really put effort into staying in contact. I know he checks my Snapchat and ask me about the weather because he misses me, but I am not ready for the friendship zone level yet. It takes time for me because its new and awkward even if we have been knowing each other for almost 7 years. Therefore, I am taking my time mentally process it.

Right now, I am learning more about myself and learning how to have fun on my own. What I learned about about this year so far is that:

I don’t want to live in the Midwest.

Marriage is not in my plans right now.

I love having short-hair

I want to travel more

Long-distance relationship is now and forever a no-no.

I want to challenge myself more

I eventually want to date other people in order to be honest about my needs in a partner.

I want to try new things like running in a marathon and learning new cooking recipes.

Spend time with friends and make new friends.

Life Lesson #83: Everyone in your life who comes and goes, good or bad, they make you stronger and wiser than before.