Author: death and the penguin

Lads, I’m a fraud. I haven’t eaten pie in over three months. I’m gonna take a break from blogging to go into therapy for pastry withdrawal; hopefully I’ll be seeing all of you in the not-too-distant future.

It’s been brought to my attention that surveys are pretty popular in the blogging world. People love being told what kind of this or that best fits their personality based on an easily manipulated test. Since my friend referred to this blog as “painfully niche”, I’ve been trying to court a wider audience, so here goes. […]

Whilst we all have our own favourite pies, and may argue bitterly about the relative tastiness of steak & onion and cheese & leek, in our society we all do conform to broad preferences. We all agree, for example, that mince belongs in a pie but mushy peas, baby food and my keys don’t. There […]

I tell you the truth, if you think Friday Pieday is just a sacred text away from being a cult, you’d be wrong. We have a sacred text. Why, just the other day I was reading my copy of the Holy Pieble when this particular passage caught my eye: “Again, I tell you: it is […]

Manners Maketh the Man We all know that emotions run high on Fridays. It’s the end of a long week, sometimes it takes a while to get a hold of a pie, everyone ends up being a bit frazzled. Beers might be drunk, steam might be let off. But, my fellow platipie, that is no excuse […]

Our Twisted Standards of Baked Beauty Take a minute to picture your perfect pie. Be honest — it was a symmetrical, golden brown number with a smooth crust, wasn’t it? These days, people reject any less ‘classically beautiful’ pies, saying they’re “ugly” or “burnt”, or even going so far as to claim it “looks like […]

In this day and age, it’s harder than ever to believe what you read in the media. Everyone seems to have their own agenda, whether it’s selling you something (by the way, PieMinister pies are only £7.99 at Tesco’s), fearmongering (pastry stocks may be depleted by 2020!!!!11!!!!), or good old fashioned clickbaiting (10 on fleek […]

Since starting this blog, I’ve spent more time than ever thinking about that most glorious of pre-weekend dishes, the pie. I think about eating it, I think about admiring it, I think about it as a cornerstone of our sopiety. Recently, I’ve been intrigued by the expression, “As easy as pie”. Where oh where, I […]

As mentioned previously on this blog, in recent months the mysterious Pionic Elders have been gradually releasing hitherto classified information about the upper echelons of pieday friery. Whilst the Elders claim their goal is to promote transparency and address corruption claims, critics insist there is more to the story. Some go as far as to […]