Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Shock & Schadenfreude

WHO YOU CALLING A LIAR?

Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills: Shock & Schadenfreude

By Karen Malmquist

A BLACKOUT IN AMSTERDAM, A POOP-STAINED PILLOW, AND THE First Dog of the United States (suck it, Bo Obama!) are staples on Monday’s conclusion of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion. Without Adrienne Maloof in the room, the ladies manage to be more civil with each other than usual, but not without shedding a few tears.

Kim and Kyle are still trying to convince Lisa that Yolanda was talking behind her back in Paris. They’re shocked when Lisa says she doesn’t believe her claims. Lisa says that right now she’s having trouble trusting Kyle, but that she trusts everyone else in the room. Kyle says it’s now in Lisa’s hands, and Andy says he hopes there are happier times ahead for the former BFFs. The brunettes need to stick together!
There’s now a look-back at Adrienne and Paul’s rocky relationship this past season, with the worst of the worst with their bickering being shown. Kyle says that she can’t believe they’re divorcing, but Lisa says she could tell there was trouble. Brandi says she’s not surprised, and that their (very) rare lovey dovey moments seemed very forced and for show. However, Brandi says that Adrienne’s new (and now former) beau Sean Stewart seems nice. He also seems young enough to be her son, but hey, it’s Beverly Hills.

The ladies discuss what the Maloofs’ chef Bernie had been leaking to Radar Online about Paul allegedly abusing Adrienne, and Kyle thinks that was Bernie trying to get his name out there for his 15 minutes of attention. Sounds about right, since we know he reportedly did the same to Brandi, too. Bernie needs to learn that there are no Bravo spin-offs for desperate, backstabbing chefs. Unless we’re talking about Top Chef: Just Desserts.

Andy asks Taylor what she thinks about these allegations, and she says that she’s lost respect for Adrienne in all of this, because she was adamant did not believe Taylor when she talked about her issues with Russell. And now she’s letting Bernie go around showing pictures of the bruises Paul supposedly gave her for all of the internet (well, his Facebook followers) to see? Seems kinda shady.

Kyle and Kim look back at their relationship this past season. Kim says she remembers everything that has happened in the past year, so for Yolanda to insinuate that she wasn’t okay really hurts her feelings. Kim says that she does appreciate Yolanda being there for her in Paris.

Brandi jumps in and says that Yolanda helped her out in Paris, even carrying her things for her in the airport (including a s***-stained pillow), and Kim gets upset at Brandi for butting in. She then asks Brandi if this is what she did with Adrienne, acting like “a mean little girl.” Not sure what this has to do with Adrienne, but okay.

Lisa tells Kim that they were all worried about Kim in Paris, because she didn’t seem lucid. Kim gets upset that they all thought she wasn’t sober in Paris. But does she care what we were thinking?

Brandi says that Kim and Kyle don’t seem to like each other a lot of the time, and that Kyle always seems to doubt her sister’s sobriety. Taylor gasps and is about to say something, but Kyle then snaps and starts crying, saying that it is mean of Brandi to accuse her of wanting her sister to fail.

Brandi says she’s not trying to be mean, but that is just how it comes across to her. Taylor assures Kim that her sister is rooting for her more than anyone, and Lisa agrees, even offering up her seat next to Kim to they can sit together.

Kim starts tearing up and tells Kyle that it did hurt to know that Kyle was worried she wasn’t sober in Paris, because millions of people saw that and could take that as Kim relapsing. Kyle says she meant that she was just worried when Kim mixed up her medication, and apologizes to Kim.

Brandi offers an apology to Kyle, saying that she really just thought Kyle sometimes has a hard time believing in Kim, and Kyle accepts it.

The husbands join to the wives. Well, David is working, so he couldn’t make it. But Mauricio, Ken, and Giggy (!!!) are on the couch. Giggy’s adorably asleep on Lisa’s lap, and Ken jokes that Lisa loves the dog more than him. To even be a close second to Giggy must be a real honor.

They now look back at Paul and Adrienne’s relationship again, and get Paul’s side of the story in the clip. He says that he grew up watching his parents have a bad marriage, and that he needs to focus on his children. He adds that he doesn’t blame Brandi at all for their marriage falling apart. However, he does say that what she said about Adrienne was very wrong, but after Brandi graciously apologized off-camera, they both have a cordial relationship.

Mauricio says that he doesn’t want to get caught in the middle of Paul and Adrienne, especially because he was asked to sell their house.

It’s now time for a look at the men getting feisty with each other, especially with Ken, Mauricio, and Paul yelling about Brandi and the lawsuit. Mauricio then says that he doesn’t regret the things he said to Brandi, and that he was just trying to give her advice on how to handle the threat of a lawsuit.

Kyle backs him up, saying that he never loses his cool, but is very passionate about things. Brandi explains that it was hard to hear him coming at her the way he did about Paul and Adrienne, because she’s always respected him. Mauricio apologizes profusely to her for making her feel attacked, because he respects her, too.

He then explains to Lisa that he can have both a professional and personal relationship with Paul and Adrienne, and that he didn’t “drop” Paul and Adrienne after selling their house. Andy asks about Ken and Lisa feeling like they’ve been “dropped” by Mauricio, and he says the only thing that’s changed is Kyle and Lisa’s relationship.

Andy abruptly wraps things up by asking the ladies about their thoughts on the season and each other. They each say that they like and love each other, and then have a toast. Yolanda gives a Dutch “cheers” to the other ladies, and then they all joke about Amsterdam. Andy says he’s been to Amsterdam, but he doesn’t remember it. Idea for next season: instead of swanky Paris as the group trip, how about they kick it Harold & Kumar style with their boss? After a season of drama, divorce, and lawsuits, they definitely deserve it. Think of how much fun Standards & Practices will have!

Karen Malmquist is a senior at La Salle University, and is a member of the Overpopulated Peninsula comedy troupe. You can follow her on Twitter @KarenSays.