Friday, February 18, 2011

Pick 6: A Champion is Crowned

3. Just when you think you have a handle on the ACC, something like this happens. That's a really, really bad loss for Clemson, even on the road. It's the kind of loss that could make the difference between tourney and no tourney. This week saw a drastic change in fortune for the Tigers...they were this close to beating UNC at home last Saturday. That would have given them national attention and a foot up on the rest of the mid-level ACC teams. Instead, they dropped that one down the stretch, and now they've lost to State. Their 6-4 conference record flirted with 8-4 and became 6-6. Bad times in South Cackalacky.

I'll be back tomorrow for a Duke-G. Tech preview and the ACC power rankings (and the e-mail from my anti-swearing friend). Now, let's get to the coronation.

The wait is over...the battle draws to an end...one man is left standing...

Brace yourselves for his unholy reign. It's:

THE FRIDAY PICK SIX

CHAMPION'S RANT

"El Dia Gloriosa Del Ranto Campeonato!"

The Friday Pick Six is an original SCSD! game where six people make six predictions for six weeks. Along with their picks, they're allowed and encouraged to submit a 'sound-off' on any topic, sports or otherwise. When it's all done, the winner earns great honor among the people, while the two losers are exiled in shame and the three middle finishers go to purgatory, with the chance rescue their good name up to three times. To learn more about the rules, and about the current contestants, read below:

THE CURSE OF THE WEEK 5 LEADER CONTINUES! There has yet to be a Pick Six contestant who held the lead going into the final week and won. Marc shouldered the heavy weight of breaking this trend in Volume 3, with 22 points and a slim lead over the field. But the raucous, winner-take-all final week brought him to his knees. When it came down to the wild NCAA teaser, none of the contenders could make a big dent. Gain 2, lose 2.5. The war of attrition waged on, and only marginal gains and losses were available. Except for one team: Dylan & Patrick. They nailed the first 8 games against the spread to leap out to a huge lead, and held on for a final picking record of 10-4, and a net gain of 10 points. There's some controversy brewing about whether they should, in fact, have 33 points rather than 31 (since they started the teaser with 23 and gained 10 points), but the decision of the committee is final. This distinction would be purely academic, except for the fact that the old record, established by last volume's champion Mike, is 33.

Dylan & Patrick have won. Long live the Dylan & Patrick. They win this trophy, which still doesn't have a name and which I am continually taking suggestions for:

Mike, our last champ, will ship it to him with the understanding that it shall be shipped on when a new winner arrives. Transport us now, dear Champions, with your words of triumph (D stands for Dad, CB stands for college boy):

CHAMPION'S RANT

Dylan & Patrick

We Believed.

There is no doubt that this is an exciting time in our respective households. Maybe not as exciting as it was in Texas when Tech beat A&M, not as excited as in Kansas when they were named number one this year (although our high to lasted longer than the 3 hours it did in Kansas since they lost their game Monday night.) We knew it did not look good for us as we awaited the first game of the final week of the third “Pick Six”. We were in fourth place and had had three formidable teams in front of us. However, we had one thing, ONE THING going for us. We believed. WE BELIEVED!

Look deep into your memory and remember that you knew this was coming. We warned you from day one, from our very introduction. Dad and I were on a path of destiny. We even put it in graph form, so guys like Nick and Sanfransoxfan could understand it. Chance we would win, 100%. We called our shot like Babe Ruth in Game 3 of the 1932 World Series. Now, here are some memorable quotes from our conversations through that fateful day. Hopefully they give a reflection of how we were dealing with the time between 12 noon on Saturday and 12 midnight, one of the best roller coaster rides ever.

D: I’m not sure I am up for this. I haven’t been this nervous since I had to go for that colonoscopy back in the spring of…CB: Woah, dad, easy. It’s ok. You knew from the very first mention of the Pick Six, months ago that we could be competitive and entertaining at this. Heck after the first Pick Six game 18 weeks ago, you told me you could do a better job picking than all those teams, with one leg tied behind your back. Now we get the chance to prove just how good you are at this.D: You know if we can win this, we’ll have as many championships as the New York Jets do in their entire history, or the entire city of Atlanta’s professional sports history!...D: …we could become only the second team in SCSD HISTORY to come from 4th place in the final weekCB: Dad, that claim to fame is a bit of a stretch there about making history. There have only been 3 Pick Six games and already, a 4th place team had won in the final week. That kind of makes that sort of thing commonplace, doesnt it?D: Hey this comeback could be one of the best in all of history, rivaling Truman over Dewey, the Force over the Dark Side, Hannibal over the Alps, 1978 Yankees trailing by 14 games and winning the World Series, even that Laettner kid’s 1992 jump shot to win the NCAA Tournament....D: You know, I think that picking 15 NCAA Basketball games against the spread plays into our handsCB: Yeah, I follow the hoops a bit. I didn’t realize you followed anyone aside from Duke and Syracuse though.D: You know, I think Monty offers us the stiffest challenge but I was looking at my Excel spreadsheet and I can’t believe that he likes Fresno St., Kentucky and the Aggies. You could make better picks out of a paper bag...CB: Well he’s just trying to hold on like we all are.D: Speaking of holding on, Swetha and Sabreena’s Laverne and Shirley act is sort of old, don’t you think? They are 0-2 in these Pick Six games, maybe it’s time for them to go and make us some cookies, leave this Pickin’ stuff for the big boys.CB: DAD! You can’t say that!D: What? What? Laverne and Shirley were cookie bakers on that TV show, weren’t they?CB: No dad, they worked in a brewery.D: They did? Well ok then, give me a beer. They are fine upstanding citizens, I think Shane should let them back in next time.CB: Well, maybe they’ll be in purgatory and they’ll have another shot.D: Man, I hope so. I’d love them to win it all next Pick Six, that way we can beat them again in the finals! I’d like some real competition, Tom and Mike are going to be so boring to go up against.CB: Hey, dont mess with Mike like that, isn’t he a lawyer in Boston or something?D: HE’S A LAWYER!? SHIT. THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING! AND HE THREATENED TO NOT SEND US THE VALUABLE PICK SIX TROPHY? THAT BASTAR...CB: This competition is getting out of hand....D: Hey did you see the video on ESPN where the students stormed the court when Tech won, That could have been one of my favorite videos since those duck videos that made me laugh. That and that great marquee Shane did.CB: Well we said that after the picks analysis, Texas Tech held the key to victory and we were the only ones who picked them.D: Know what else is a good pick, that video “Up” - it was the best animated film ever…I just wish Doug was a Duck.CB: Dad, lets stay on task, ok…D: Well I think the Jillarie is a thing whose time is up, ‘cause we ignored it twice and still won. Perhaps they could join Lavern and Shirley in the brewery and get us a couple of celebratory beers. Celebratory beers! You know, the best way to celebrate a victory of this magnitude would be to sit back and toast it with a nice, cold, home brewed beer. We still have a couple of bottles of our Blue Canary Cream Ale and some cold glasses waiting for a victory salute. Maybe we can invite all of our Seth Curry friends to Massachusetts to celebrate with us. Maybe Mike will come visit once we kick his lawyer ass in the finals. Maybe they’ll all come to Las Cruces, NM in the future to crack a cold one in honor of this too. I’ll grill up some dogs and …CB: Dad, it’s a long way for them to travel.D: Hey that’s ok, I’m sure they can get some time off from work. Hey speaking of work, do you think we should tell Nick that he needs to turn his hat around with the brim facing forward ‘cause I hear McDonald's likes its customers to see the logo on your hat when you ask them if they want fries with their order.CB: Sure dad, you tell him that…...D: You know, your uncle could be a good luck charm, ever since he made the comment on SCSD, we have been doing great!CB: It was just this past week dad…D: Well I bet some of the other teams wish they had some good luck like us. Like Marc. I bet Marc will do better in life if he learns to spell his name correctly. And what’s the deal with Spike? He must be some kind of Savant because he beat our friend Shane so convincingly in Scrabble yet he was the only team to pick St. Louis to beat Xavier in week 5 and Marist to beat St. Peters in week 6. That’s weirder than those little dogs in little costumes. Except at Halloween, its not so weird then…...CB: Look dad, if we can win this thing then I promise we will have a friends and family day at Yankee Stadium this summer to celebrate your retirement and anticipated move to New Mexico. You can invite anyone you want…D: I’m gonna hold you to this. I want both Shane and Seth Curry of course, then it would be rude not to invite Nick and Marc and Spike and Swetha and Sabreena and Monty and Jill and Carrie and Mike and Tom. After we beat them we should buy them a beer for wasting time their making picks and all.CB: Hey, when we win the championship we get to name the trophy right?D: Yeah, thats what he said. Why?CB: Well, I was just thinking of names for it. You got any good ones?D: Didn’t I tell you? When we win we’re naming it Donald....D: Hey, do you think Seth will let us keep involved with the Pick Six after we win? You know, like, do a docket or commentary, or post duck videos or something?CB: DAD! WE DID FLASHCARDS YOU REMEMBERED IT BEFORE!D: Just fucking with you.

Well done, Dylan & Patrick. You have to respect shit-talking the people you just beat. Gloating shit-talk is the best kind. The elder champion also wrote about the victory in his blog, Penguin Droppings. You can read that here. He also has a kickass nickname, "The Fabulous Penguin," or T-Fab-P, which he explains in this post.

Here's how the Pick Six shook out for everyone else:

Purgatory (2nd-4th): Monty, Marc, Swetha & Sabreena

Dishonorable Relegation and Eternal Shame: Nick E., Spike

Spike went out with his own personal blaze of glory, guaranteeing a win and even sparking a fright in some of the leaders with a mid-day run on Saturday. His gallant charge failed, much like Pickett's at Gettysburg, and he'll now go quietly into the night. Not so for Nick. The veteran of two Pick Sixes and the most recent victim of the cruel relegation system, he's got some words. Take it away, good sir.

Nick E.

Well, the pick six has declared me a loser. Whatever, it's only a matter of time until we bow down to our computer overlords anyway. I plan on going out ranting.

As a member of the Washington DC metro area, I have a few teams that I am cursed with rooting for. No, not the Redskins. Not even the pathetic Nationals. Look away, world, for I am a diehard fan of the Washington Generals.

For those of you that don't follow exhibition basketball (if there is such a person), the Washington Generals are the eternal rival of the nefarious Harlem Globetrotters.

Fuck the Harlem Globetrotters.

Oh I've seen their pathetic, self-aggrandizing "world famous" tomfoolery, and let me say that the Harlem Globetrotters are the worst group of individuals on this godforsaken earth, from the players right up on through the top of the organization. It's a continual shock that the league doesn't crack down on the unscrupulous antics of the Globetrotters' lead recruiter and slimeball, Sweet Lou Dunbar. The league administration is so corrupt they disgraced the integrity of the game by shamelessly selling clock time for corporate plugs.

And don't get me started on Coach Clyde Sinclair, who I refer to as the Senator Clay Davis of the whole operation. The Globetrotters are led by star player "Special K", who I can only assume earned his moniker from the seedy underbelly of drug abuse. Their antics involve running the infuriating shenanigans they call the "Globetrotter Weave", mercilessly antagonizing and terrorizing the fans, even stuffing thier fat faces right in the middle of a game. I'm terrified that Peter King ever see this incorrigble and outrageous behavior; he'd probably have a heart attack so vicious Brett Favre would feel it.

Well, such is my fate, to be locked in an everlasting battle with the world's most arrogant team. While the Gens have been on a bit of a cold streak lately draft wise (I mean really, I know Lemeire Talley led Gwynedd-Mercy to an '07 Colonal States Athletic Conference title, but 22nd pick overall seems a little high. I mean Zoubek was still on the board), they play with something that I guarantee will win out in the long run: hustle and heart. Sure, they have their fair share Larry-Drew style mental lapses, and they might not have the confidence yet to be as aggressive as they need to be on defense (FOR GOD SAKES, SLICK WILLIE SHAW IS DRIBBLING AND SPINNING ON HIS KNEE, SOMEONE GET IN HIS GRILL!) but I've caught many a Washington Generals game, and let me say that they are finest, most stand-up group of gentleman to play the noble sport of basketball. Let's go Gens!

Well friggin' done to both. We will miss you. That's all for today. See everyone tomorrow, and have a great weekend.

I was touched to see my moniker mentioned in your victory tirade, as well as your most inspiring quote (cue patriotic soundtrack):"D: Hey this comeback could be one of the best in all of history, rivaling Truman over Dewey, the Force over the Dark Side, Hannibal over the Alps, 1978 Yankees trailing by 14 games and winning the World Series, even that Laettner kid’s 1992 jump shot to win the NCAA Tournament."

I mean, to go out of your way to mention the '04 ALCS comeback ("the Force over the Dark Side") when you aren't even Red Sox fans and in fact pull for the vanquished? That kind of magnanimous(ity) has just got "Champion" written all over it. I can't say how impressed I was, T Fab P and College Boy. Really, I can't.

SYu, Mason stepped out(ish) with one foot at 3 seconds, lifted the other foot, then back in. If it had been the opposing player (even UNC), I'd have conceded the play as well - making the effort to step out takes you out of the play. A surprisingly head's up play by Mason - I am fairly impressed.

"Mason, pretend standing in the lane is like having to look a girl straight in the eye."

"But Coach, I can't do that more for more than 3 sec....ahhhhhh! Brilliant!"

-Shane

Also done for T Fab P treating us all to a Yankee game and unlimited beers. Nasty, totally forgot about the picks. I think Jill won, can you confirm Jill? There were only like 4 people picking, so I sorta forgot about it.