Smiting the smiteable since 2005

The Canonization of George Bush and Barack Obama

AMERICAN HEROES - What do Barack Obama, George Bush, JFK have in common?

For the past few weeks we’ve seen the overheated spectacle of Steve Jobs’ hi-tech canonization. St. Steven of Applevania was described as a great man who single-handedly brought the world into the computer age by inventing self-described “neat things“. His gift for reliably tickling America’s zeitgeist was legendary, though dubiously important. His talent owes a lot to H.L. Mencken‘s quote, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.”

St. Steve was no doubt a clever man and is owed his due. However, he was no saint. He was a man who refused to acknowledge the child who lent her name to Apple’s Lisa computer. He was a man who believed he was too “special” to put license plates on his car. Some of those on the wrong side of him – and that was apparently an easy place to be – might describe him as a sociopath. Those on his good side were able to bask in his equal “specialness” via a vicarious connection to him.

We Americans often puff up our celebrities like this. We sometimes act as a cult of personality, Mormons included.

Kennedy suddenly went from an unpopular President who managed to create both the Bay of Pigs and the Cuban missile Crisis in about the same amount of time it took Sarah Palin to become a half-term governor. He became St. Jack of Hyannis for tragically being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Still, it could’ve been worse. He might had spurned his many adult lovers in favor of kids like many of the priests in his religion.

The Oracle of Cupertino
Clearly, the Oracle of Cupertino and the Hyannis Hero were men, not Gods.

The canonization of St. Dubya of Bush began even before he left office. Supporters swore history would enshrine his brilliance. The myriad mistakes of war were great wins for democracy. The Great Deregulator couldn’t possibly be the man who enacted more regulations than President Care Bear and his financial policies only strengthened the markets so that damned Obamunist could rend asunder all that George had done.

That’s what makes it so interesting to see how they spin the history of a man who’s still alive. The markets were just fine when George was vacationing at the White House. Obama killed CEOs in their beds, despite Obama following the same or similar polices himself. The “irrefutable” evidence? Record compensation for most of the one percent. Obama “lost the war” despite keeping to a schedule Bush the Lesser had drawn up and even doubled down by adding troops several times. Damn commie!

Throw the Bomb, Run Like Hell
But, Republicans do offer Obama some good advice: it’s your problem now, so shut up and fix things while we stand here and throw some good old-fashioned Molotov cocktails at you ($6 at TGIF’s Soviet Friday Night Happy Hour). Don’t blame us because you signed up for an impossible task. Don’t dare blame us for the problem.

Barack, it’s good advice. Stop blaming them even if it is their fault. They’ll just deny it and the rest of the nation will quickly tire of hearing it anyway. Instead, grasp the Wheel of State, keelhaul those mutineers in Congress. Push the Republican rabble aside and cruise on into the Hope and Change you promised.