Couples who argue most about spending often end up with the smallest savings. How to kiss and make up — and grow your cash.

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Here's a bit of advice you won't find on the financial pages: Money isn't worth fighting over. Those squabbles are not only bad for your marriage, they're bad for your bank balance. The more you fight, the less likely you will be to decide on goals and pursue them as a team. Check out the common husband-wife scenarios below — any of them sound like your house? If so, read on to understand what you're really trying to tell each other — and the best ways to stop bickering and start building your net worth.

He says: "At the end of the month, there's never any money left over. Can't you spend less on groceries?"

She says: "You're so out of date on prices — the last time you shopped, Bush senior was in the White House."

At almost 8 percent of overall household spending, groceries do bite a big chunk out of the monthly budget. But unless you're indulging a secret passion for exotic vinegars or imported prosciutto, there's probably not a lot of slack in your bill.

Get-rich scheme: "Invite" your spouse to come along on your next grocery grab. Once he's staggered by seeing that a half gallon of orange juice costs $3.49 and boneless chicken breasts are "on sale" for $3.99 a pound, brainstorm better ideas for saving on food purchases. Some possibilities: Pack your lunch, limit the lattes, whip up scrambled eggs one night instead of ordering pizza. Even occasional acts of takeout restraint will add up to big savings.

He says: "How could you buy a new coffee table without consulting me? Send it back immediately!"

She says: "I don't have to get your permission every time I want to buy something for the house."

Couples who make substantial purchases on their own are playing power games — and the big loser is their wallet.

Get-rich scheme: Set a limit on how much either of you can spend without consulting the other. Then establish a formal process for considering large purchases. Suggested first step: reaching agreement on whether the item is necessary. That means you buy a new coffee table only when you have both decided it's time to fix up the living room, not when you happen to see one you like.

He says: "I can't believe you spent $60 on a haircut!"

She says: "And how is that adjustable-speed drill press working out, dear? I hope it was worth the $70!"

Subjecting all personal purchases to scrutiny isn't the way to save money either. "Each partner thinks that he or she only buys what's reasonable, while what the other buys is frivolous," says personal finance expert Deborah Knuckey. The result is that you both keep spending while continuing to get mad at your partner for doing the same.

Get-rich scheme: Establish a "luxury" fund with a monthly limit, maybe $50 or $100, that is the exclusive preserve of each spouse — no questions asked. If one wants to spend it on gumballs and the other on new china, fine. The pleasure of exercising absolute control over a certain amount of money makes it easier for spouses to compromise with each other on big expenditures.

He says: "Let's build up our emergency fund."

She says: "But we've never even been to Paris!"

Sometimes the biggest question in life is when to live it. While some money priorities are obvious — better to pay the orthodontist bill on time than to pay the mortgage off early — others are a harder call.

Get-rich scheme: Develop that emergency stash, but earmark extras like tax refunds for your dream fund. In a true catastrophe, you can always tap those savings as well. But barring disaster, you'll have enough to take the trip of a lifetime in the middle of your lifetime, rather than at the end — or never at all.

She says: "I told Timmy we'd lend him the $125 for that Grim Reaper skateboard he wants, and then he can pay us back later, when he gets a summer job."

He says: "It's a Blind Reaper Axe skateboard, for goodness sake, and I already gave him the money for it this morning."

When it comes to teaching kids financial responsibility, there are as many theories as there are ATMs. But one fact can't be ignored: Money handed out to children needs to be treated as what it is — another monthly drain on your resources — and monitored accordingly.

Get-rich scheme: Pay your child a regular allowance, then cut down on parental conflict by designating one spouse the go-to person for additional money requests. (But agree to talk over big purchases together.) Also, be blunt with kids about what the family can afford. "Children are far more likely to stick to spending limits when they understand the reasoning behind them," says Chellie Campbell, who runs financial-stress-reduction workshops for couples in Los Angeles.

He says: "We should pool our incomes in one checking account."

She says:"That's what my first husband said, right before he spent it all on implants for his girlfriend."

There's nothing like money to bring out all those trust issues in a marriage, but trust us: It's harder to stick to a budget and meet savings goals if you're operating out of two checkbooks.

Get-rich scheme: When couples divvy up payments — she does car, he does mortgage — neither gets the real overview of where all the money goes. And without that picture staring you in the face, it's tough to keep savings on track. If you must have a private stash, you can each contribute to a joint account in proportion to your income; pay household expenses through that account and detour some into savings.

He says: "My mechanic's investment club is buying shares in a company that makes squirrel-proof bird feeders out of recycled inner tubes. I think we should get in on the ground floor."

She says: "Nuts to that! We're sticking with our index fund."

Yes, stick with the index fund. But if you can afford to put away a little extra, there's probably no harm in setting up a small squirrel-proof bird-feeder fund as well. If you invest a little money more adventurously, you may get whomped and return chastened to the index-fund fold — or you just may end up making a tidy bundle.

Get-rich scheme: Capitalize on each spouse's approach to savings and investments; you may profit more that way. Just make sure neither spends money that will be needed for another purpose or that would be painful to lose.

She says: "Be sure to turn off the lights before you leave the house."

He says: "We'd save way more if you pumped your own gas."

Arguing about minutiae misses the point and locks you in to money-draining power struggles.

Get-rich scheme: Focus on numbers, not behavior. If you, as a couple, aren't meeting your savings goals, you're going to have to turn off the lights and fill your own gas tank. So stop arguing and start growing — your relationship and your cash.