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Confidence in a Thumbs Up, Thumbs Down World

Hi everyone!

This blog might seem a little out of the blue, but it really sums up my feelings about creating YouTube videos, the judgement we subject ourselves to, and how to feel confident anyway. I recently watched a very enlightening video featuring vulnerability researcher, Brene Brown. My friend David shared it with me because he thought it applied to my experiences on YouTube. Brene's words completely resonated with me. I watched the video twice yesterday and woke up at 4:30 this morning with even more clarity about what I do in the online world. (After I went to the bathroom. That was the initial reason for the 4:30 wakeup). I popped open my laptop, and just started typing. This is pre-coffee, so hopefully it makes sense. I'm not trying to be some sort of social media expert... this is just kind of a "what I've learned" type of post. And there's nothing like organizing your thoughts in writing. So I thought I'd share, and hopefully it will be helpful to anyone who has ever "put themself out there".

It's so easy to try to gauge your success by numbers-- views, comments, subscribers, likes, dislikes... if you're getting tons of views, you must be doing something right, right? How often are you really focusing on the things that don't have a number attached? Like the content of what you're saying/doing and the quality of what you're saying/doing. It might seem like common sense, but if you make videos on a routine basis, it can be easy to go on video-making autopilot and overlook these things. And it's just harder to gauge those things that don't have a clear number attached. If you're willing to be honest with yourself, you can figure it out. You don't need a comment to tell you. We're all not only capable, but pretty good at being critics of ourselves. You know about the effort you put in, the originality of your content, the deep down joy- or lack of joy- that you felt when putting it all together.

Why is this so important to think about? Because the content is what is actually impacting those who see what you're doing. The numbers might be for you, but the content and quality is for others and should be looked at closely, regardless of how high your view count is. You can't control how many people had time to turn on YouTube that day, or who was having a bad day and took it out on you in a comment, or who just has a vendetta against your eyebrows. But you can control what YOU do and how you FEEL about what you do.

There will ALWAYS be people out there bringing negativity your way. No amount of "adjustments" will change it. As Brene said in her talk, a consequence of putting yourself out there and being brave is that you will get your ass kicked. I've been doing videos for 6+ years, and for awhile, I tried catering to some of the non-constructive, personal criticisms about me that I found in the comments section. What was the result? Always a new criticism- and a less authentic feeling about myself. A TRUE sense of satisfaction with yourself needs to come from inside. That's what's powerful, and what will really fuel what you do.

If you're willing to take an honest look at how you feel about what you do, I believe you will gain insight into whether you're on the right track or if something needs to change. Nothing translates through a computer screen like real joy and attachment to what you're discussing. How passionate are you? I'm not talking about just "acting excited" - some people are deeply engaged in their topic without seeming to bounce off the walls about it. Joy toward what you do can come across in different ways, but I don't think it can be successfully faked. It needs to come from the inside, not put on. If that's missing- what needs to change to bring it there?

Before you get going on a new creation, ask yourself some questions. Are you excited about it? Are you looking forward to the process of creating it? Are you confident in the things you'll be talking about? If comments, thumbs up/down, or view counts were invisible- how would you feel about what you posted? We let everyone hold us accountable with numerous ways to rate/provide feedback. Don't forget to hold yourself accountable as the one creating the blog, video, or whatever it might be.

None of those questions in the paragraph above asked if you thought what you were doing was perfect. It won't be- you're a real human being! There's a definite beauty in being real and having flaws. Sharing your vulnerability with the world is what allows people to relate to you. Get in a habit of gauging your happiness toward what you publish to the world. If that feeling is there, it will flow through you and it will be undeniable.

Comments

Great post Emily. I've been thinking about this whole need to self-assess and I can totally relate to what you wrote. It's really easy to let comments and likes and shares define the quality of a blog post (in my case) and even if we were so excited to share the post because we loved writing it, assessing the quality of the post through the quantity of social media high fives may dial down that excitement and sense of accomplishment.

I guess this is something that we can all try to improve. We need to get better at self-assessment.

Hey Em -- I am a social media professional, and I have to say your insights are correct. The quality of content is as important as how you choose to measure your success, because they go hand-in-hand. While it's true that your video views show something is going right, it could easily be the SEO factor of your titles in search as much as what you're saying.

Its the content that makes your product special.

In social, we must give people something they feel that is valuable -- just as a retailer must give your his or her products at a value at which you both profit. In social media, that product, and specifically about you, is your insights on beauty and makeup.

How you fine tune that, with series, and hauls, and laughter, and good-hearted fun, will define the success you have. And will also define your enjoyment, passion and longevity.

There is more science to this as you get into KPIs for advertisers, etc. But for now, this is your passion and it translates into success.

Emily you are so inspiring, positive, and passionate! You resonate true joy and authenticity and that's why I'm a fan, you got me to be passionate about true beauty too! Your videos are always fun to watch, like I'm having a conversation with a dear friend :) Keep up the great work! You are right, the theme of self-reflection and assessment is really important - we can all improve in all aspects of our lives!

Emily, as always, you are right! and that's why we love you : you're true to yourself. I don't use to take care of what ppl say about me ( that i bet is a lot because i'm too much sincere sometimes), it infuriates them and, after reading your post, it seems i'm in the good path! There's always who will critisize you/me/us ( despite what you do or what you don't do) so I always thing their lives must be really poor and miserable if they have enough time to pay attention to others lives instead to theirs, don't you think? the pitty is that young ppl has to learn it yet and they're the most exposed to be affected by envy/evil comments and that's dangerous.Keep doing what you do ( make our days more glam and beauty) and let the ppl who complain about the eyebrows (¿?¿?¿?!!) do such productive activitie lol

Great post, Emily. It's funny how we human beings are wired, we can skim over 1000's of overwhelmingly positive comments but one negative comment gets under our skin. I've grown used to the fact that there are internet commenters that seem to only have the goal of bringing negativity to any/every discussion. I always get the feeling that the people who are most negative are those that are least capable of producing anything positive. When dealing with these types, instead of getting upset, I've learned to say to myself, "well, I only had to put up with you for two minutes, but you have to live with yourself all day (every day)."

hi emily, this was a great blog post thank you. i disable my ratings bc every time i get a thumbs down i take it so personally and it gets my down. i love doing videos on beauty too i get so excited and am very passionate about it. of course, like everyone, i do get negative comments and i dwell on them so much. i have to try and not take it too hard or personal. so many times i thought of quitting bc of them but then i love and enjoy making my videos so i keep going and think of the people who like me.

This post is EXACTLY what I needed right now. I took a short hiatus from my blog because I felt it was becoming an obligation. I'm one who will always prefer quality over quantity but I let the pressure of daily posts get to me. I had to realize that I rather put up only a few posts a week but have them be posts I put my 100% in than posting every day without really loving it. It's funny how in the introduction you make sure to let everyone know you are not a social media expert. People are so quick to call you out on "not being an expert" when you are giving an opinion about a certain topic. You don't need to be an expert to have an opinion about something so let your voice be heard! It's up to them then whether or not they choose to listen.

Emily, you are such a wonderful inspiration! I have been following your videos/blog posts, etc for about a year now. I'm 40, a new Vegan, experimenting with serious lifestyle changes, and scared to create videos because I have zero confidence. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression. Since removing the toxic medicines from my life and using greener methods, I have learned so many things that I want to share with my peers. YOU have played a very big role in my transformation from loathing myself to seeing my potential. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experiences with us!!!! Virgo1974/TheVeggieVirgo/AmandaKeith

My personal stance on negativity: It is unavoidable. Once I wrapped my mind around this fact, the negative comments, negative energy insults and plain BS that I get from other people doesn't faze me like it used to. It's still annoying, and I don't know if that will ever completely disappear. I know the frustration I felt from those hurtful words stemmed from my belief that I could avoid negativity. When you deal with people you just need to accept that the negative pattern of thinking a person tries to bring you down with is far worse for them than the negative comment is to you.I admire your courage and delight in the Beauty Broadcasts you share with us every day!! Thank you!

I'm not really a beauty content creator (though I do occasionally post beauty related videos), but my content is largely about art (writing, music, etc.) and it's been really intense for me, emotionally, as I've watched my channel grow from 5 subscribers to ~700 in a year. But then, I allow myself to get discouraged by nothing.

Peers who started around the same time I did, but they have 1000 subs, or 10,000, or whatever.

And it can be so easy to tie up my self-worth with these numbers, and worse: compare those numbers to other people who are doing, creating, and displaying content that is inherently different than mine.

We can't really compare, which is what I try to remind myself of. It's like trying to compare the work of Picasso to Monet... the creation is too different to be compared apples to apples.

We all just have to keep making the best stuff we can, and hope that people who love the same stuff that we do will find us, and encourage us, and share in the honest joy that loving things can bring.

I think I'm going to make a video response to this and get some of this out of my head too. :) Thank you for the inspiration, as always!

Thank you for such an honest and heartfelt post. I really needed this and It has given me something to think about. I have always admired you Emily and have enjoyed your videos from day one. I think you are a great positive influence on so many people. I appriciate the time and effort you put into all that you do. Thank you xoxox

Excellent insights, Emily! I would even go so far as to say that this post goes beyond social media to confidence in general. This was something I didn't know I needed to hear and I am so glad you decided to share it with us. :)

Great post, Emily! I've been watching your videos and reading your blog for a long time. I've never taken any time to actually tell you how much I LOVE the content you provide. I LOVE that you always provide drugstore alternatives because not everyone can afford to spend $100's at Sephora!! You are beautiful (inside and out) and caring and honest. For every insignificant hater there is out there, there are at least 100 people who adore you. :D

Thank you for this post, I'm just starting up my blog and you tube channel and it's great to get some positive advice as it's quite a scary prospect getting started and wondering if people will like my posts and videos. You're absolutely right that if I'm pleased with what I'm doing then that's the most important thing. I enjoy your videos and blog posts so much and you should be really proud of what you've created.

Thanks so much Emily! This is perfect. I've been thinking about starting makeup and hair tutorials on Youtube, but didn't want to get into the hateful atmosphere. This helps so much, and I'm seriously thinking about joining the Youtube community :)

Thank you for posting this! My roommate and I have been interested in starting a YouTube channel and we think what we want to do is interesting to us, but I, who am more active in general on YouTube than she is, have been dreading the inevitable negativity. Thanks for reminding me that I don't want to do it for the approval of mean people, but because it interests us, and therefore will interest others too. You're always an inspiration!

I think you are beyond beauty.. Not every every day you meet a person with a beautiful soul and mind. You are one in a million Emily. I love watching your tutorials or any of your life moments recorded just for us to watch...keep on going cus you are PERFECT in all u do...

Well said Emily! I think you've summed up alot of the feelings many YouTubers w/channels have. I commend all of you for having the will and patience to bring us "subbies" the great and much appreciated content that you do. With that said, it's so so important to truly love what you're doing (in any faucit of work). I am a true lover of beauty. I'm always interested and learning as well as sharing my experiences and tips with others. It's amazing what great things can come about when we open up and share.

I've only been watching your videos for a few months now... I don't rate them or comment (first time is here and now), but let me tell you that you are incredible! You're the best blogger/vlogger I've seen for make up.

Brene Brown's TED Talk also had a profound impact on me. I watched it after a particularly horrible break up and found that it resonated very deeply with me. I love that you're spreading the message!

Just beautiful, Emily:) I always find myself watching your videos and thinking, " Wow! This girl REALLY enjoys what she does." I love that about you so much! You're such an inspiration to all of us girls :D We love you!...And Tyler :D

Such a great post Emily! Since starting to create videos I ALWAYS am comparing my work to those with millions of subscribers. On one hand I look up to their quality and turn to them for different ideas and ways of doing things in order to improve my channel. On the other it's very disheartening because I don't feel like my videos are even comparable to theirs. Your words really resonated with me and made me realize that I am my own person! I think all of us beauty lovers would kill to make a living doing what we love but we aren't going to get there overnight! Every time I am feeling down I have to remember that for every negative comment there are 20 more positive ones and that's what turns my mood around. If I keep working towards my goal and do the best I can the subscribers, views and everything else you talk about will come. At the end of the day I am extremely passionate about what I do and if I lose sight of that I will not reach my goal!

This was a great post and so true! I really needed to hear this. For my entire life, I have struggled with low self-esteem due to people telling me that what I do is not good enough and I would never amount to anything because of my physical disability. After a while you start to believe it. I'm always comparing myself to other people and I am always so hard on myself when I make mistakes. I started my blog last July and I still worry about how people are going to perceive my writing and my thoughts. I am in my late 20s and I am just starting to take the negative and the positive comments as ALL POSITIVE because that is the only way to improve. It's a slow process, but I am getting there.

This is a great post Emily. Something I really need to read today. It's really hard to compete and myself out there especially in this continuously growing blogging world. I've had so many moments pf self-doubt and negative comments can get me down sometimes. But your post inspired me a lot to continue writing/blogging especially since it is something I am passionate about. Thanks! :)

This post shows even more how 'real' you are Emily. When I started watching Youtube videos about makeup 5 yrs ago, you were the second person I subbed to. I've been a fan ever since. I've never looked to you as a professional for expert advice but rather for your genuine, honest opinions on the products you're showing/using in your videos. I've read a few of the negative comments on some of your videos and hope it doesn't cut too deep because it's a minority compared to all the other positive comments. I watch tons of videos about makeup, etc. about the same things/products and before I buy I'll always check with you first. Just seems like many of your likes are the same as mine on a lot of things. Unlike myself, you're brave enough to try products I wouldn't because of having a bad reaction or something like that. I appreciate how authentic you are without feeling the need to touch your hair umpteen times during each video, that gets on my nerves. I feel like you're family and I'm so thankful that you share your passion for beauty with the public. Thanks for being you! ((HUGS))

Exactly what I needed today Emily. I am feeling so discouraged right now. I cannot seem to get my photography business off the ground (due to physical limitations, I am unable to do long shoots such as weddings and other events) so I think this has a great impact on whether or not I'm contacted. I have not done well at all with my photography, although people do tell me I'm good at it. I just don't make any money. How can I call myself a photographer and a beauty blogger if nobody is paying attention? I'm also becoming discouraged with my blog and Instagram account. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on myself to become "successful" and have a high number of subscribers because it's not as if I've had the blog for years and years. We all have to start somewhere. People tell me they love my posts (even if they are long!) However, it is still discouraging when I look at my blog dashboard and see that puny number of views per day or week. Yours was the first "beauty" YouTube channel I ever watched and I subbed to. It was your personality and your straightforward, yet still peppered with humor, videos that drew me in, as well as your style of makeup. Classic and natural. This may be wrong of me to say, because the opinions of EVERYONE who is subscribed to my Instagram and blog are equally important to me, I am thrilled when I see your Tweets telling me I'm doing a good job. I'm proud to have you as a blog subscriber because it was YOU that got me to move my butt and DO something about my love of makeup and put myself out there. Thankfully my IG followers and blog subscribers are a great bunch, very supportive and I never have any negativity. (I won't tolerate it on my page.) I truly appreciate every single one of them. But, I cannot lie...I still want more subscribers and more followers. I don't feel as if my blog or Instagram is a "job", I don't put pressure on myself to post everyday, or even every few days. I post when I have something I REALLY want to tell people about, or when someone says "can you do a review on this?", and I plan to keep it that way. My philosophy is if you don't like my IG page or my blog...move along. I just want to FEEL successful...but I don't...at least not yet. But, I will continue and stay as positive as I can and fight these feelings of inadequacy. And, when I feel down...I will go back and read this post and your "Best Self" series on you vlog channel (I soooo hope it's still there!) Thank you Emily...for all that you do, for all that you say, for your support and encouragement...and most of all for just being the wonderful you that you are. We all love you. (Including me and my "awful" undone eyebrows as one commenter said when Desio contact lenses featured one of my photos.)

Thank you for posting this. I just started a blog and it makes me feel more confident in what I'm doing. I'd love it if you would check it out and I would greatly appreciate any feedback. Thank you so much.http://www.drugstoredee.blogspot.com/?m=1

thanks for this post! i enjoyed Brown's talk very much, but would like to add that i think there is a fine line between complacency and self-confidence. often, "this is who i am" is used as a crutch and holds one back from experimenting and leaving the comfort zone.

Thank you Emily for sharing your heart. As a Christian and as a pastor who has worked with women of all ages for years - confidence is a big deal. It is at the center of who we are. And the more we step into the thing we were created to do - the more people will come out of no where to stand in the way of what we were created to do. Discouragement will try to set in. People will say unkind things. The world is filled with people who will love us and those who will hate us - no matter what we are called to do. But for some reason - it seems more prevalent in social media. And for women, there are so many deep issues with jealously, comparing and the deep insecurities that some women have.

Instead of building others up - they want to tear others down. It is such a part of life. People who hate and criticize are usually the one's who are very hurt in their inner being my life in some way. I've ministered to hundreds and hundreds of young girls who have been raped, molested, and/or beaten down by life in some way. Everyone needs hope and confidence to know that their life REALLY matters to someone.

To love those who don't love us via social media - is the real challenge and I would love to hear some bloggers thoughts on how to do that well! I've been feeling led to start a You Tube Channel for three years - to encourage women and to pray for those who are hurting.

I have watched you since the beginning and I have SO been ministered to, by you. When I was struggling in my own life - your videos helped me to find the confidence that was buried deep within me. You helped me find my way back to loving myself well. I also found a new love for make up that I didn't know existed. And I began a certified make up artist and worked with Estee Lauder, Clinique, Lancome and other lines for a season. t

I love how you have stayed yourself over the years and stayed true to the passion that is within you. I pray you keep shining and keep sharing your passion with us. You are a bright light in a very dark world - and your passion for make up and women are contagious.

I pray for you all the time - and for all the wonderful things you are called to be and to do - to help women stand strong in who they are and to do what you do best - being YOU! Thank you again for sharing your heart and life with us.

A Prayer For You

God, I pray you would continue to bless Emily and Tyler and all that you have called them to. I pray that you would continue to encourage Emily in the journey you have her on. I pray that she would not doubt the decision to leave broadcasting to pursue her passion for sharing about make up with the world. I pray she would know that you created her for an amazing purpose and that purpose is being a light of encouragement into the lives of women - of all ages. I pray that she would not be discouraged by the opinions of man but that she would rest secure knowing how much you love her, how pleased you are with her - and how thrilled you are that she shares her heart so freely. I pray the light that is within her - would continue to burn brightly and I pray that any negativity that is thrown at her - would roll off of her back and that she would stand secure knowing how loved she is by so many. I pray a release of restful sleep and I pray that any negative thoughts about her would not roll around in her heart or mind at night - but that she would always remember what a bright and beautiful treasure she is to you and to all those who love her. Bless her Lord and increase her reach. May she continue to grow her subscribers and may she leave that growth in your hands as she stays true to who she is!

Excellent insights, Emily, as usual. It's a tough world out there, especially when you put yourself out there, either on YouTube or in person as a public speaker. I have been public speaking and training for 20+ years and I have found that you can't please everyone all the time. Just do your best with what you have and move ahead.

You have been trained to be on television and still people post negative comments. WTH? Seriously. I don't understand people sometimes. What happened to, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything"?

Thanks for your post. I'm sure it will help MANY people. God bless you, girl!

Great post! I'm a stylist and I've wanted to do videos a long time now I just love all things hair and makeup. I love to help my clients that ask about hair and makeup and to just talk all things beauty. So I shouldn't let what people might think if I'm not perfect worry me. I think I will start working to that after reading this! Thank you Emily!

Hi Emily - I know it's easy for others to tell you not to let the negativity bother you, but just remember that for every one negative person there are dozens of people who appreciate your informative videos. Your cheerful nature, your kindness when speaking of others, and your honesty are why I watch and read you, and your well-deserved success is a reflection of that. Hang in there, head up, shoulders back, and let karma deal with the jerks!

Thank you so much Emily for this post. As you already know,because you have even helped me by giving me a shout out on Beauty Broadcast Live, that I recently started a new beauty blog. I got caught up in the number of views and stats and then I had to step back and remember why I started my blog which was to make myself get out of this little shell I have lived in all my life. I have always fought self-esteem problems. So when my number of views was real low, I was taking it personal and letting it get me down along with a couple of negative nancy's comments didn't help. But like you said I remembered why I started my blog anyway and I am just making sure I am putting out there what I enjoy and it is my best and the rest will fall where it may. If I only reach one person, that is one person more than I did the before I started my blog. You are the one You Tube Beauty Guru (I know you may not like that word) that I truly trust and I know you are giving an honest review not an infomercial. You have inspired me more than I think you will ever know. I hope you do get to read this because you have inspired so many people. Thank you and love ya Emily!!!!!

dear Emily,you are so right about thissometime we look this as a super important thing and do everything to cheer it upi am a new blogger and i always visit many blog and wanna share everything to each other,but many times no one answer me and i feel a little sadreally thank youNo matter what you're going through, it's always better if you have people to

share it with.thank you for sharing this to us ,very inspiringHope to be your friend soon Pls post more!http://me-poppy.blogspot.com

Thank you Em. I have a makeup blog and I really enjoy it. I don't have a lot of followers but I always put my best foot forward whenever I'm creating a new post because I take pride in giving my best and hopefully helping others. Although I have never received a negative comment or feedback, I think the worst critic is... ME. And this post gave me new confidence to keep doing what I love because simply put it, I love it. I worry at times if people like my content or what I write about or how I write it that I can second guess myself.Thanks again for reminding me to stay true to myself and to stay focused on why I decided to start my blog in the first place.Hope you are doing okay Em. Much love XOXO

Beautiful, strong words! Thank you Emily Eddington! I'm sure you hear this over and over again, but you are my FAVORITE You Tube person and I just really enjoy your videos! I just started doing makeup videos too and while it's been quite fun, I am nervous about "putting myself out there." I'm still in a safe environment. LOL! Thanks again for this blog; very encouraging and heartfelt. You are Awesome! <3

Very nicely said, Emily! Unlike you, I am new to YouTubing. I just started my beauty channel last summer. But before that, I had been a product reviewer for 15 years, and how I am as a reviewer informed how I would be as a YouTuber. As a reviewer, it has always been important to me that I offer quality content and information. In reviewing, as on YouTube, it can sometimes be easy to get caught up in the numbers. I do get excited every time I get a new subscriber/like/comment but, for me, being a YouTuber is NOT about the numbers...they're exciting, but they aren't my reason for being.

Thanks for putting that message out to the world!

P.S. Did you know that you are the inspiration for me becoming a beauty YouTuber? Yes, you are. When someone says "Why did you decide to do this?", I tell them, it's because of Emily. You make me proud every day for saying that! :)

Emily I subscribed you because your reviews are awesome and your english amazing.I'm from South America so I can improve my language and choose which product worth buy or not in my vacation trips.Kisses!

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Great post, Emily! Thank you for writing this. I'm a musician and this is such a good reminder that being creative is more about enjoying your process, not about the response or feedback you get from your work.

I can only imagine how much courage it takes to put yourself out there. I think you have the right attitude and I am passing this post on to my 15 year old. I would love to be able to say all of the negative people suddenly dissapear once high school ends, but we know this isn't the reality. I like your perspective on this topic and thank you for sharing it. Successful people will always have jealous critics. But remember, it is bred from their feelings of inadequacy. The truth is, happy people want happiness for others. Those who aren't happy often try their best to cause misery for others. Good job, Emily! You just keep going and doing what you love! Be happy and thank you!

Emily, I really really appreciate this post! I'm a new youtuber with videos dealing with beauty/bipolar. I talk about real issues, and my reviews are as honest as I can make them. I've recently been getting a few hateful comments here and there, which really have bothered me more than they should (you never do know how you'll handle things like that till it happens!). I've been trying to wrap my head around how I'm supposed to make each person out there happy - and this article was a wake-up call. Thank you so much!

I finally, yes, finally found your blog! I watch your you tubes every day. LOVE you and Tyler and cupcake. Just browsing through some older posts. I have been a blog author for 5 years now and it focuses on homesteading, crafting and needlework in the North GA mountains. Through the years my blog has helped me meet people all over the world I would never be able to connect to otherwise. There are so many positive things to blogging but it takes a lot more time, courage and forethought than most that do not blog know about. I have a negative comment from time to time but few. Mostly my comments have gone down and I don't know why but this is a great reminder that it is not what we are. People do not define our joy. They can try to steal it but they can't unless we allow them to. Coping with those once in a while odd negative comments gives me the opportunity to grow as a person. Teaches me to be stronger with negative people. Don't know if you would like but would love for you to follow, my blog is http://www.feathersinthenest.blogspot.com/ Feathers in the Nest is my blog, my Etsy and I also design graphs for needlework. It does bring me joy.