Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

04 February 2010

Today, a little fitness tip from our pal, Otterpop.

In the last couple weeks, random people have commented on how svelte Otterpop looks.

"Has she lost some weight?"

"Otterpop looks thin. She been working out?"

"Otterpop is getting skinny!"

Otterpop isn't really fat. Just unfortunately tank shaped. And she's been running less, although not as less as her vet wanted. Agilitying less. Eats the same amount. My dogs all eat this much food. Can you see my hand? It's all crinkled up like I'm holding a baby hamster. One baby hamster's worth of dog food. Not raw food. No lamb stomachs and turkey necks. I'm a mean, abusive dog owner that way. They just eat dried up old dog food from a bag. They love it. We're all ok with this.

So, as far as I can tell, there are 2 possibilities to her new flattering figure. The first being, the fatter my ass gets, the better hers looks.

Crap.

The other?

Otterpop does a lot of tricks. In case I ever need to send her off to live with carnies, she'll have a job skill. One of them being a little handstand where she kicks her back feet up against a wall or something, way up high above her head. Funny little party trick, amusing to watch, she thinks it's funny.

Except Otterpop, apparently having the mind of an ape, found a better use for this trick once she learned it.

Tools. Isn't that what makes monkeys different from dogs? They can use tools?

This is super embarrassing. I can't even believe I'm writing this down. She would kill me if she knew. Please don't tell Otterpop.

Both my girl dogs like to pee like boy dogs. As much as possible. Use your imagination. If you're still with me because I just wrote about how my dogs pee. But Otterpop's handstand trick gave her uncharted possibilities in this department. She sees a tree, does a handstand, and pee's like that, as high up on the tree as she can. I guess this makes her look tougher and bigger, next dog that comes along.

It's a little weird and disturbing to watch. No. It's a lot weird and disturbing to watch. I have to look away. It's just not right. But, now I think, has stomach muscle toning pilates effects that are making me wonder. Every time I see her do this.

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.