I’m officially convinced that some of the dumbest people on the face of the planet call the United States home. I’ve become fed up with celebrities and the way they portray the American way of life.

It was while watching a vile show entitled ‘MANswers’ that this concept hit me.

The show’s name is rather self-explanatory: It answers questions on topics that men supposedly wonder about. They perform experiments and research in order to find the ‘answers.’ The show itself is more of an excuse to watch girls run around half-naked than an actual informative production.

Here’s what I learned from one episode: The firmer a girl’s butt is, the further a quarter will bounce off. 320 leaches can kill a man if they all suck his blood for ten minutes. Base frequencies around 51.91 hertz may cause butts to involuntarily jiggle. French Style green beans cause erectile dysfunction because they contain estrogen. A 300 pound person can seal a blown out airplane window. The first bathroom stall is always the cleanest. (Most useful piece in information yet.) Girls with breast implants live longer due to more doctor check-ups and no chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer. And last but not least, it takes 10 glasses of communion wine to get an average man drunk.

Hopefully your reaction to this is something like mine was after viewing the show: I honestly felt dumber after it ended. Why shows such as this are constantly on television is beyond me. However, while shows can be obscene, the actors within them can be even worse.

One of the more recent incidents involves “Two and a Half Men’s” Charlie Sheen- excuse me, ‘Two and a Half Men’s’ ONCE Charlie Sheen. Warner Bros. Entertainment decided to let Sheen go recently due to his reckless lifestyle and comments made to producers. Sheen has been a cocaine addict, a partier, and for lack of a better name, a man whore. With issues like this, its no surprise Warner Bros. took actions in order to protect the company’s reputation.

How do I know of Sheen’s faults? HE TOLD EVERYONE! He openly talks about sexual relations with multiple women, doing cocaine, and partying. In a recent interview with Good Morning America, Sheen commented on his drug use. “The last time I took drugs, I probably took more then anyone could survive.” He continued: “I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them because that’s how I roll, I have one speed, I have one gear, GO!”

The ego he boasts is astounding. When asked if he was bipolar, he responded “I’m ‘bi-winning,’ I win here and I win there, now what?”

Well Mr. Sheen, now would be a good time to check into rehab and get your life back on track. You’re unemployed, without a family, and addicted to cocaine. With a reputation like yours, things can only get worse. It’s people like you who convey American’s reputations; get it together.

‘Tiger Blood’ will only get someone so far. Sheen seems to think “dying is for fools.” Adversely, I believe fools such as Sheen eventually cause their own deaths.

Over the summer I got the chance to travel to Europe; when this European store owner found out I was from America, the first thing he asked me was if I “GTL’d” a lot. (For all the adept people reading, GTL stands for Gym-Tan-Laundry; a routine shaped by the reality TV show boneheads from ‘Jersey Shore.’)

I bit my tongue and replied, “not everybody in America is a moron like the people on American television.” I never realized how other people viewed Americans until I experienced it first hand. To the rest of the world, everyone in America is either a Pauly D, a Snooki, or a Charlie Sheen.

I don’t know about everyone else, but I’d rather not be compared to a porcupine with too much gel in its quills, a drunken orange hippopotamus with a public indecency problem, or a cocky cocaine addict without a care in the world.