Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Potpourri For $1000, Alex

I have so many things to tell you but who’s got time to write a meaningful post these days? Not me, that’s for sure. Oh, I can write meaningful crap, believe you me. My writing has made grown men cry. Just ask my husband. Anyway, I just don’t have the time right now to be meaningful so instead, I am writing a potpourri of a post. Yeah, that’s it. A post full of flowery this and that sprinkled over all the stinkiness of life. And like potpourri, this post will make you think I have spent hours working on this mess when actually, it’s just a pan of lavender scented Lysol slid under the couch. I may have just given away one of my many cleaning tips but anyway, here is what I thought you should know today.

My sister is trying to kill me. No, seriously, she is. I want it in writing for all the world to see so when she succeeds there will be witnesses to the crime. Remember, you read it here. She is trying to kill me. How do I know? Simple. I hate to fly. She keeps making me fly to Houston to meet her at MDAnderson. She even buys my plane ticket for me. On Southwest Airlines.

This Southwest Airlines. The one with the moonroof.

What? Airplanes aren't suppose to have moonroofs?

TELL MY SISTER THAT!

When I called her after the news hit the airwaves regarding Southwest’s “mishap”, I very clearly stated that I hated flying, did not want to fly ever again and definitely not on Southwest Airlines. Then I got this in my email today.

Another round trip ticket to Houston.

Or is it a one way ticket? Hmmmm?

I’ll show her. I am going to take out a million dollar life insurance policy before they drag me kicking and screaming onto the plane. That way, Bob will have money to prosecute. You have been warned, Kelly Jeanne.

Call me a chicken. I don't care.

They don't fly without a lot of squawking either.

Speaking of my sisters, they have informed me I am not funny. They have also informed me that my writing is not appreciated as it is mostly a crock of something or other. Oh yeah, well I beg to differ. I have received a precise message from above clearly disputing these false allegations.

I wish they would have told me that your writing stinks BEFORE I fell in love with you & your blog :) Rats...now I am hooked :)

& I suppose if I had a sister who wrote so bad...I'd try to kill her too...maybe send her TWO plane tickets :) I know you hate flying so I really hope it goes well! & that you have a great time with the girls! They are just ganing up on you since you are the Middlest Sister :)

Its all about attitude my friend! Or uyou could just get drunk on the plane and the depities would have you carried off and you would be such an embaressment to your sisters that they would not ask you to fly again.

Well, you made me laugh. So, that says something! I hate flying too- especially on Southwest. I always feel like an engine is going to fall out or something. Just remember to take a Xanax and it'll be all good!Ava

1. I hate flying, too. 2. You are funny...at least in my opinion, but my opinion doesn't really matter.3. I hate fortune cookies that don't give fortunes- how is "You are a nice person and people like you" a fortune?? I want "You will meet your Prince Charming and win a million dollar in the lottery next week." -Rosie

Why Butts and Ashes?

No, I am not a smoker although I have given it consideration during times of great stress. I was bemoaning to a friend one day that my life seemed to come down to two things, butts and ashes. Having somehow been elected the family caregiver for most of my life, I can assure you, I have seen a great deal of both.
So, this blog is about just that.....life and loving the people in it.....from end to end.