EITHER Mayor Giuliani has been hitting Love Potion #9 or the man’s been taken hostage and replaced by a pod man from outer space.

No matter what the scenario, the toughest mayor since … well, since! … appears to be suffering from a severe case of “kissing everything in sight.”

In recent weeks, Rudy, who usually favors photo-ops involving large gatherings of cops and prosecutors, has used his on-camera time to pucker up to or be puckered up by: One transsexual (Christina Hayworth), one very good friend and one alleged one (Judi Nathan and Cristyne Lategano), two pound puppies and countless supporters.

I say we storm his bunker and release the real Rudy from captivity before this frightening impersonator starts quoting from “Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus” and reprograms his hard-driving radio show into All Michael Bolton All The Time!