PETA WILL DO ANYTHING FOR ATTENTION

PETA literally does nothing all day but send crackpot letters to organizations in the hope that some wire service makes a story about it, and one recent letter was crazy enough to garner the attention which PETA so desperately craves. Specifically, the organization has asked that Palm Beach Atlantic University — and no, I’ve never heard of it, either — change its teams’ names from Sailfish to Sea Kittens. Why? Because they’re assholes. Duh.

In a letter sent Wednesday to PBAU President Dr. David Clark, PETA urged the school to change its mascot from the Sailfish to Sea Kitten “to reflect the gentle nature of its current marine namesake.” The suggested name change is meant to promote empathy for fish and other marine animals, PETA said in a news release.

“If Sailfish became Sea Kitten and everyone in town started calling fish sea kittens, fewer of these gentle animals would be violently killed for food, painfully hooked for sport or cruelly confined to aquariums,” said PETA’s “Save the Sea Kittens” campaign coordinator Ashley Byrne.

Yeah, and maybe if you called my “fist” a “love tenderizer” your face won’t hurt so bad after I beat the shit out of you for needlessly raising my blood pressure. That’s fried food’s job!