“Into the abyss help me survive,” she read. “Only you who has been to hell and back know my suffering.”

It was one of many poems about desperation and hope that Patin-Mellor had written during the years.

Her poetry was one of the ways she learned to cope with some of the darkest moments in her life.

Patin-Mellor recently chose to publish her writing in a book — “Dear God Poems” — as a way to reach people who suffer with diseases, primarily depression and mental illness.

The 71-year-old Dover resident knows what it is to struggle with depression and mental illness. Facing an underlying sadness most of her life, she was diagnosed with postpartum depression after her son was born in 1971.

She later would be diagnosed for both depression and bipolar disorder, but only after several life interrupting events. Patin-Mellor underwent several treatments including six hospitalizations up to two months each, electric shock therapy and various interventions.

A HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESS

Patin-Mellor said the first signs of her illness became apparent in the mid-1960s. Patin-Mellor said she had taken herself off birth control so she could get pregnant.

“All of a sudden my husband came home and found me crying in the corner,” she recalled.

The stop in medication combined with the news that he wanted to move from Pensacola, Fla., where the couple had lots of friends, back home to Uhrichsville for his dentistry practice, proved too much for Patin-Mellor.

“I didn’t want to go back,” she said. “I had a major problem with going home.”

After several break downs, she ended up in the hospital and was given her first round of shock treatments.

“I lost who I was. I didn’t know who I was. I lost my past,” she recalled. “I had to be re-educated.”

Eventually, the treatment proved to be somewhat effective. Then her only child, David, was born.

She and her husband moved to Columbus for his residency — another move that caused her distress, as well as postpartum depression.

“We had no family and no friends there. My husband was working all the time,” she said. “One day I was so depressed. I sat in my rocker and David was in his crib and I thought ‘I’m going to kill myself and I’m going to kill this baby.’ ”

She immediately called the psychiatrist at Ohio State University, who had her committed. Looking back on it, she said “You’re crazy. You’re insane. When you feel those feelings, it’s not normal.”

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She was in the hospital for three months before she was released. Her son stayed with her in-laws while she was recuperating.

She would go on to have several other episodes before she would be diagnosed properly.

Unfortunately, her mental illness would cause great strain on her marriage. At the time, Patin-Mellor said she didn’t know how to explain her issues to her spouse, and he didn’t know how to handle her episodes.

After 18 years of marriage, her husband left her.

“He couldn’t put up with my bipolar disease,” she said. “Families really suffer and they don’t get much support.”

Her divorce led to another breakdown — Patin-Mellor tried to commit suicide. She ended up in the hospital for another few months.

She said the therapy she received changed a lot of the ways she handled her pain. Every Tuesday was poetry night, she recalled.

She began to learn to put her sadness into writing, a tool that has helped her for more than 30 years. She went on to get a job, something that restored her self-esteem and kept her occupied, she said.

FIGHTING BACK

Patin-Mellor also was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which led to receiving the correct medications. She still has the side effects of bipolar disease, which include a manic phase, where a person experiences great highs and then a depressed stage of great lows.

At her most manic, Patin-Mellor said she is her most creative. She continues her creativity when she is depressed, working on homemade cards, pins and participating in lots of community service.

“The creativity goes through the roof,” she said.

“I express my creativity and I’m using my mind,” she said. “The worst thing a depressed person needs is time to themselves without being creative.”

MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES

Patin-Mellor has dedicated much of her time to educating people about mental illness issues. For 16 years, she served on the Alcohol, Drug Addiction and Mental Health Services Board of Tuscarawas and Carroll Counties. She also volunteered for the National Alliance on Mental Illness board in Tuscarawas County for several years.

Patin-Mellor said the issues faced by the mentally ill have come to the forefront recently as a result of the Connecticut shootings. Devastated by the news, she hoped more attention would be paid to early intervention of mental illness. She was quick to point out that there are very few people who suffer from mental health disorders who are also violent.

Citing NAMI statistics, Patin-Mellor said one in four adults will experience a mental health disorder in a given year such as depression and anxiety, and one in 17 adults live with a serious mental illness such as schizophrenia, major depression or bipolar disorder.

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Despite these numbers, mental health is often overlooked or goes untreated, said Dave Schaffer the executive director of the ADAMHS board.

“It’s just like any disorder. If you don’t take care of symptoms related to heart and diabetes they become more complicated and acute. Mental health is the same way,” he said. “Unfortunately, the stigma around mental health often prevents them from doing that.”

Schaffer said people like Patin-Mellor have worked hard to fight the stigma while helping individuals with their personal struggles.

“With respect to Polly, she makes a great point about creating a log to remember the good times when things are bad. Those are tools she’s willing to share with other individuals,” he said.

Patin-Mellor hopes others will find solace in her work.

“I think it would help people because it gives them a connection to their own illness,” she said. “And they’re not alone with this struggle they have to face.”