Smart - Legitimate - Permanent

Well I heard it again this weekend

What is el MOLE?

First of all it is prounounced "em-oh-el" as in M.O.L . . .short for Megalomaniacal Over Lord.

The reason this blog was started was not really for you. Sorry. It was for me. It started for a few reasons really. One I needed a therapeutic exercise that allowed me to download thoughts and inspirations that would drive my mind crazy. Some of that had to do with this made up concept of the MOL . . . The megalomaniacal overlord concept was originally constructed in my head with abhorrent people in mind. People that drove me crazy with their narcisstic and solipsistic tendencies. As I said, this was a therapeutic exercise. As time went on I had to really confess that many of the characteristics that drive me crazy about other people were resident in me. So this blog is a confessional as well I hope.

There are times on this site that the persona I assume is deeply cynical and full of mockery. Much of the time, it is mockery of myself. And much of the time it is mockery of “those people” who I think are the abhorrent MOL’s who think their blogs don’t stink and think that somehow they make a profound impact on the world simply by showing up on their computer screen to type everyday. I hate “that guy” and I assume the persona of “that guy” in order to reveal how ridiculous it is. Now while some of that stuff is real in that it is how I really feel, and the cynicism is real and anger real . . . being THAT guy even in fun all the time does not always feel healthy or helpful for that matter. Besides, Stevie over at Juniors site thinks I really am “that guy”. He has missed the joke. And that is too bad. Because I am a pretty good guy, with a good sense of humor and possibly surprisingly a low self esteem.

I also started this blog because I wanted to learn the discipline of writing. I was told by friends of mine who have written books that the first step is to being a writer is to wake up every day and write. I try to do that every day, honestly with this blog . . .off the top of my head and heart . . . funny, morose, sad, angry, thoughtful, stupid or all of the above.

I never intended for this blog to be public at first. LLPH and Gen Slay were the first to read when the content was really caustic and bad. Then later I told Junior (known then as Ronald Fauss) and he subsequently berated me for almost a year for “having a blog”. I also wanted to learn the value of honesty. Which is one of the reasons I made this blog public. Not because I thought it was great or funny or profound. I wanted my private self to look more like my public self. I wanted to learn how it feels to really let people in to my world and heart. And it honestly has been scary knowing certain people know I work at a retail store at 41 or that my sister reads “f$#@” on my blog. But that is the point. I am a multi faceted jackass and I don’t want to spend my whole life allowing people in to only parts of me. Even if that means humility and fear on my part.

This blogsphere some of you now call nation has become meaningful by accident I think. MOL junior throws a well attended party at his site everyday (and frankly deserves most of the credit for any so called "popularity or notoriety"). We have a woman from Canada none of us knew months ago. We have things to say and deeper understandings of each other that don’t come out in a short softball game or visit at Two Rows. In addition, the nice part about having some of you read my blog is that it forces you to get to know me. Watch me in person sometime. I am a good conversationalist and I am genius at keeping the topic on YOU. For one I am insatiably curious about the lives and stories of people. I really love and care about you and so I cannot help but ask questions and be interested. But while that side of me is earnestly sincere I use it to hide my own feelings and heart on things. Because I don’t believe deep down that you give a crap. And I know that you do . . . this is why I write and therapy etc . . just accept it. Its easier that way.

So in the end, I think blogs matter. At least the ones that are a part of this larger circle we all enjoy.

Comments

WOW...

That was amazing!

You have impacted me (though I have told you before, I now confess it publicly)

I'm so glad you decided to make your blog public, I have been 'stretched' emotionally/spiritually/mentally from reading your blog (and also Jr. and Jnice...whom I also think are wonderful!!) I had no idea that my faith would be in such crisis this summer, and I had no idea that reading a bit of your story (and others of the nation) would help make this very rocky journey a bit easier....but it has.

- I love that you are honest on your blog
- I love that I can be honest back
- I love that I can be a dork on your blog and you still think I'm ok, even though you have never met me.

I think that if you were trying to 'impress' people or make a show of your blog, it wouldn't have the same effect. I consider it a privilege to be allowed to read and post on your blog, and I am grateful for your hospitality

i'm really not sure what to say after all that. just that mol nation is a truly beautiful place, and i'm glad we can all share in it. glad i get to know you a little better through your multi-faceted jackassery.

I also wanted to learn the value of honesty. Which is one of the reasons I made this blog public. Not because I thought it was great or funny or profound. I wanted my private self to look more like my public self. I wanted to learn how it feels to really let people in to my world and heart. And it honestly has been scary knowing certain people know I work at a retail store at 41 or that my sister reads “f$#@” on my blog. But that is the point. I am a multi faceted jackass and I don’t want to spend my whole life allowing people in to only parts of me. Even if that means humility and fear on my part.

I also wanted to learn the value of honesty. Which is one of the reasons I made this blog public. Not because I thought it was great or funny or profound. I wanted my private self to look more like my public self. I wanted to learn how it feels to really let people in to my world and heart. And it honestly has been scary knowing certain people know I work at a retail store at 41 or that my sister reads “f$#@” on my blog. But that is the point. I am a multi faceted jackass and I don’t want to spend my whole life allowing people in to only parts of me. Even if that means humility and fear on my part.

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