posted 04-01-201007:44 PM
Okay, I am going to make this as short and as less confusing as possible. As you may know I have recently came out at school (on another post), and I am haveing other issues, but this seemed like the more appropriate place to discuss them. Now, my friend is setting me up with this amazingly good looking guy named Paco, but the thing is, she has a history of ying so I have no idea if she is just pranking me or something. But Ive seen the guy;s facebook and myspace and he looks pretty real...but the thing I am worried about him not actually knowing who I am...it's probably just me being paranoid since this all seems too good to be true. And I have thi lurking feeling that something bad is going to happen.

Second, despite probably/maybe/probably not going to have a boyfriend, I think I am still in love with someone else. The bad part is...I dont know whether I should act on it or not...I have never dating anything before, I have no idea what to do, I cant ask my parents, my friends cant help me! The only place I could think of was this place because you guys have helped me so much before...basically...I am asking one question:

Just quick for now: I'm not sure about Paco being real or not, but if you've got a bad feeling, I'd definitely put off meeting him for now. If he's real and he's good, he'll still be around later one. You know how in your other post I talked about the challenges of dating secretly and how we recommend avoiding it? Well, it also applies to situations like this because you can't go to someone for help when something seems sketchy, and it's so important to have that back-up. For now, the other guy would probably be better to date but the point behind dating is that you don't have to stick to just one person, and we actually would recommend NOT jumping into a relationship right away. Even if Paco were to turn out to a nice person you're interested in, you haven't met him in person yet, which is usually a most for determining whether or not you want to date someone more than once. If and when you two meet, we'd recommend you do it in a public place and bring a friend along for safety. If he wouldn't agree to that, then he wouldn't be a good person to date anyway!

What about just hanging out with the other guy as a friend and seeing how you two like each other? That way, you're having fun but it's also low-key and you're not jumping into anything too quickly AND wouldn't have to hide anything from your parents?

posted 04-02-201006:04 AM
Thanks! I was thinking about waiting to meet him until we can actually meet in person, and I have decided to confront my mom about dating. So wish me luck and thank you again!

posted 04-03-201001:46 PM
Hey there! Yeah, just meet up and see how it goes: someone who's a good match will give you the time and space you need, especially at first when you're just getting to know each other. Getting to know someone online first has many positives, but it's really after we've hung out with them for awhile in person that we get to know more sides to them and see how we get along. I hope you can see it as an adventure or a fun experience, because that's what dating should be (even if there are sometimes some awkward moments that later make for good stores. )

I'm glad you're talking to your mom about her policies on dating. You know that I'm on your side here, but I think it'd help to remember that your mom does care about you and have your best interests in mind, even if she interprets them in a different way. Being willing to compromise as well as truly listen to her point of view will really help both of you. For example, she may be ok with dating but only in groups at first, or maybe she's like to get to know people you'd date, like first invite them over to something with the three of you. Or perhaps she has some safety concerns, like she wouldn't want you out on a date in at a certain place because of homophobia there. Some of what she says might be unintentional homophobia and BS, but some of it probably also has validity.

Likewise, you've had your whole life to recognize and reflect on your sexual orientation: while parents shouldn't assume their kids are going to be straight (even if many/most do due to societal messages), realizing their kids are queer can be hard on parents at times. With time, they can come around and get to a really good space of acceptance and understanding, but it can take awhile. It sounds like your mom really loves you and cares for you and is trying to be supportive and understanding, so it'd nice of you to also recognize that. You're still the same you you've always been and she will see that with time, if she doesn't already. But, as you mentioned before with your dad being the opposite, now she knows an even "truer" form of you, like she's getting to know you better. It's also a prime chance to get to know her better, like having more talks about stuff -- not just your sexual orientation -- and doing activities together that you've always enjoyed or finding new stuff, like watching a DVD together, going on walks, etc.

posted 04-05-201012:49 AM
I have been kind of depressed for the last few days, because of my so-called friend lying to me about the whole setting-me-up" thing, It turns iut that she was lying about setting m up, not the actual person. So I was sitting there talking to him, and I ended being completely embarrassed because of what sghe told me, so I ended the friendship, she said it was a harmless joke, but a real friend wouldn't do that right?

My mom says I can date! YAY! She said we will have to keep it from my dad though, probably due double dates, like I take a girl and my BF takes a girl then they both go and hang out and we go on our date. So I am pretty excited, I just need a BF first...

I have decided to wait to tell my dad, it would be the best thing right now, because our reationship is good and barely hanging on as it is. So I don;t want to ruin it. So things are pretty smoothe.

Oh except the whole best friend thing again. You see he is just getting over this girl and then we start talking again (his girl friend hated that I was gay, so she tried to keep him away.). Now he says that he's think about me and him dating, and I don;t believe him, but I have this clinging hope, but then it crashes down because I know he'll back down again. Then I asked what he would do if he saw a guy kissing me and he replied with

"You wouldn;t do that, I'm the only guy for you"

Then I said "But what if I did?" (he knows I like him)

Then he said "I would hit him."

I didn;t know if that was through jealousy of just because, but still that made me think about something. So now after we talked he hasn;t texted me back. So what does this mean?

posted 04-05-201001:01 AM
Hey there! I'm sorry to hear you've been feeling down for the last few days. It's never fun but the good always comes with the bad and vice versa: it'll get better again!

I'd agree that a true friend does not do what your "friend" did in terms of falsely setting you up. I don't know her intentions or actions but they sound very hurtful and I think you made a good call there.

I'm SO happy to hear your mom is cool with your dating!! (First, by BF you mean boyfriend, right?) I'm guessing she's wanting that scenario due to safety while being out? I think it could work out well as long as you're sure that these girls on the double-date know everything that's going on: that they're there in a friendly way, that you and the boyfriend are together, etc. rather than their thinking you each are on dates with them but not really. If that were the case, it'd make for an interesting film but depressing scenario in real life.

And, yes, I think it's also a very good call on waiting to tell your dad.

Thanks for the update about your best friend: it sounds like he's not quite sure what he wants, which is OK, as long as you give each other some space, like you don't pressure him and he doesn't mislead you. I can understand his confusion as well as your jealousy (and I'm sorry to hear his friend was trying to keep him away from you because of your sexual orientation. ) As I said, for now I'd just give each other some space and time and see what happens: if a good relationship is in the cards for you two, it'll work out with time; if not, you'll see as well. However, it's important to give it that time and space to develop rather than forcing things or being so disappointed again and again. Do you think you could give him some time and space there?
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posted 04-05-201002:00 AM
You know what the best part is, I'm a writer and that could be a great short storie now that I think about it. 8P

Well, I can and then I can'. You see, he really is my best friend and I honestly can;t picture my life without him around, he's either making this funny baby voice, or we're fighting over food at lunch. When I told him that I was ay he practically shrugged it off, and when I told him I liked him he didn;t really care either (infact we've almost dated a few times...but you know that already.). So it's like I need him there, it's been like that since we met, we were just both always there by each other's side, until we started flirting, then he wold stop talking to me and I wouldn't hear from him for weeks until one day we txt and talk forever. I could give him space, but it would hurt...man..I've got it bad...

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