Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. She teaches men how to become irresistible to the opposite sex, and how to get the girl they want and the relationship they deserve.

In order for you to keep a woman interested in you, we need to look a very specific component of attraction, and for women, one of the driving forces of attraction is building an emotional connection.

When you first meet a woman, and you’re getting to know one another, it’s great to have similarities. Seeing if you have similar interests, hobbies, taste in books, television, and movies, etc. That is all great. Sharing similar interests on these topics is a great foundation upon which to build a friendship, but building an emotional connection will aid in boosting attraction and contribute to longevity in a relationship.

So how do you make the right kind of connection with a woman that goes deeper than the surface? You do so by drawing parallels between your lives, which can include your family, friends, motivations, and values, etc. These are the stimulus that lures women into your charm. Connections aren’t built on surface material, they happen when we’re able to dig deep with people in a way that doesn’t seem pushy, invasive or probing. Which has a lot to do with conversation, body language and confidence.

1. Have The Confidence To Be Yourself:

The best thing that you can do before you begin to make a connection with a woman is to have the confidence to be yourself. Nothing says thirsty quite like trying to please everyone. The need to be liked by everyone is a noble aspiration, but an unrealistic one.

In dating, one of the best qualities that you can have in your arsenal is being somewhat self-assured, which means that you’re confident in your character and abilities. Having a pleasurable, strong, and amazing connection with someone, or anyone, is dictated by your relationship with yourself.

If you are always trying to fit in and please everyone around you, your real self might get lost along the way. So be yourself because the authentic version of yourself is going to be the version of you that thrives and attracts the most genuine interest from women.

2. Ask Open-Ended Questions:

If you want women to open up to you and connect, you have to ask the right questions. Conversation is key here.

When you’re trying to get to know a woman, asking questions like, “what do you do for work?” is a great place to start. But where conversations remain on the surface level is if it goes on to describe the facts about a person’s job. Say your girl is a nurse and you ask her what hospital she works at, and then what floor, and/or specialization that she has. Instead, ask her why she got into nursing.

Find out her reason for choosing that field and you will get a clearer insight into this woman’s values and motivations in life. She will also feel more comfortable talking and sharing with you when she feels like you are genuinely interested in her with your unique line of questioning.

Another great way to build connections is to talk about your family and friends and comment on similarities. If she says something about how her best friend is really into CrossFit or her friend is vegetarian, you could say the phrase, “that reminds me of…” and then you draw a parallel to your life. Your response could look something like this, “Oh, no way. My brother is really into CrossFit. He’s always trying to make me try it.”

With that being said, it’s important for you to understand the idea of give and take. You want to give a woman your full attention when you’re face to face as well as information, but what you don’t want to do is overdo it, which is where a lot of men falter. You see, part of being confident is knowing that attraction and keeping a woman interested in you takes time to achieve.

3. Don’t Show All Of Your Cards:

The third way to keep a woman interested might seem like a complete contradiction to my last point, but that is don’t show all of your cards. Yes, I want you to draw parallels between your lives, but what I mean here is that you don’t have to give a woman a play by play of your life right away.

You can leave a little mystery to keep her guessing. This will ensure that she keeps coming back to get to know you more.

When you’re just getting to know a woman, it’s very important that you don’t scare her off. What I see a lot of men doing is putting the horse before the cart and getting ahead of themselves and talking about future plans with a woman even on the first date! This can be alarming to a woman.

Last summer, a close female friend of mine went on a Tinder date with a man who really creeped her out. She said that he was making comments about valentine’s day plans for the two of them and even plans for the following month. They met face to face in August…. Valentine’s day is in February… this man was jumping the gun.

What would have been ideal here is if this man took this relationship, or potential relationship, one day at a time and let the woman do a little guessing about whether or not he was into her. That would have prompted my friend to chase him and not reject him.

Women don’t want you to give into them right away. That takes away from getting butterflies in anticipation of seeing someone, which is a necessary part of building attraction. So yes, be a good conversationalist and make a woman excited to talk and share with you, but don’t disclose all of your secrets or engage in a heart to heart right off the bat. Work on making a connection that is somewhat light-hearted, which brings us to our next point.

4. Be Playful:

And one of the best ways to avoid seeming desperate and to keep a woman interested in you is to be playful.

Keep all of your interactions exciting by switching things up and being different. Be playful in your text messages, send a teasing text to a girl that sounds something like this, “I saw a young girl sit on her juice box at the park today and cry. Made me think of you the night we met;” You leave the door open for her to send you a witty response in return and instigate some banter.

And having witty banter is one of the best ways to be playful and keep a woman interested in you. It’s like playing tennis. You serve the ball and she returns it and then you both send it back and forth. This can be done over text and face to face.

In a face to face setting, you can be playful with your words and body language. You can tickle a girl to lighten the mood and to flirt, you can also touch her when she’s laughing and enjoying herself so that she will eventually associate those good feelings of laughter with being around you.

These are all great techniques to make a strong impact on a woman that makes her want to spend more time getting to know you.

I am in a long distance relationship with a girl. We have visited 3 times in the past year. I suddenly feel her pulling back and noticed she was is active again on a dating website (she has been on there and occasionally active since we met). Now its every day. We have never had ‘the talk.’ I think I either scared her with over commitment, bored her, or she wants out. I really have no idea how to proceed because this one is worth fighting for.

My name is Sid, 22 years old guy. i am talking to girl over text from last 3 weeks but couple of days ago, we met personally for first time. we had a great time together. We talked about eachother’s life, had fun joke-full moments and even saw a movie together too (which was not planned) on the same day. it was a unique first meet.
By the end of the day, we decided to meet next day and we met.

During this time, we got closer to eachother. We both are into eachother. (i know this, because i followed your tips from a video, how to know if a girl is into you”).

Hi Kate, interesting reading and some great tips. I have been involved with a girl I’ve known a long time, she initially asked me on a date 2 months ago and I went and it was great we had chemistry and spark. I asked her if she would be my girlfriend maybe a bit to soon (within 1st month) and she said yes and went along with it. She was more than happy to tell her friends and work colleagues about me being her boyfriend. 2 months in after our 1st date I said the L word to her and she seemed super happy at that instant but the next day our dynamic changed. A few things happened over the following week and she ended up getting angry at me for something. At this point I knew we had trouble. After ignoring me for 1 day we ended up chatting and she said things went to fast for her, to much to soon. She says she still wants to date me she said we still don’t fully completely know each other so before she can commit to a relationship or talk about love she just wants us to date and see where it goes. In her words she doesn’t wanna throw in the towel yet. I’m super confused because we were on cloud 9 and she showed me in both her actions and her words even told me straight up she REALLY LIKED me and now it feels like overnight it’s just gone. I feel as if maybe she has lost interest and can’t tell me the truth knowing it will crush me so the dating idea to see where it goes could be an easy way for her to back out slowly letting me down gently ?

I think you’re just overthinking it Dan. Whatever her reason, the important thing is she didn’t close the door yet and she’s willing to work it out. It could’ve been worse, really. My guess is that she went through something rough before that gave her issues with commitment. I don’t really see anything alarming with her wanting to know you better before getting into a relationship again. Right now you have to focus on the positive side that she’s still interested in dating with you so make sure you don’t miss that shot. Take your time, don’t rush, keep everything exciting and make her feel that spark again. Good luck!

My ex says she will never get back with me. But when we drink and hang out she flirts with me… but insists we will never get back when sober… I do want her though I can’t stop thinking of her how can I get her back? Thank uou

You should cut all contacts with her for at least a month, or else she’s gonna put you in the friend zone or worse, move on easier. I call it the Rule of Absence. Watch this video to know more about it and for further advice on getting your ex back: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OApLnqrBLXg

About The Author

Kate Spring

Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. She teaches men how to become irresistible to the opposite sex, and how to get the girl they want and the relationship they deserve.

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Kate Spring

Kate Spring is a men's dating & attraction coach from Vancouver, Canada. She teaches men how to become irresistible to the opposite sex, and how to get the girl they want and the relationship they deserve.