Reading, Writing & Arithmeticizing About Video Games

Cool Spot

Alright, that should do it. Got the Dinosaurs for Hire post up, just gotta do some final touches and editing and I should be good to go. *Click*

Henry.

Holy crap, who was that?

Henry, it’s me. Your brain.

Why do you sound like James Earl Jones?

I needed to sound authoritarian, and this is the voice you respond to best.

I really wish you’d taught my Intro to Calculus class…

That’s not why I’m here. People are talking about your latest entry.

Already? That’s awesome!

No, it isn’t.

It’s not?

I don’t know what possessed you to put Dinosaurs for Hire at 423.

Well, I know it hasn’t aged well…

Henry, it wasn’t even a good game when it came out.

I know, but I thought I explained that it was more the zany bosses, the blatant 90s cheese, passable gunplay and playing co-op with Eric that propelled it higher than it has any right to be.

…Higher than Splinter Cell?

You know I don’t love stealth games.

Higher than Kirby’s Dream Course?

I really didn’t play that one very much, but I’ll admit that i

HIGHER THAN CASTLEVANIA, STAR FOX AND F-ZERO?

It’s not like I’m making the best 500 games ever! I’m…uh… more ranking my own personal experiences with them COMBINED with some objective game analysis…

Henry, you’ve already thrown away most of your credibility. Now, one or two bad listings won’t cripple a list, but any more than that and nobody will take you seriously.

I didn’t know how much pressure I’d be under to rank 500 games properly.

You should have thought about that BEFORE you made a blog called the 500.

I did warn people that they might not agree with my rankings.

*Sigh* I’m not here to argue with you. Now, you got your 90s nostalgia platformer for the Genesis out of the way. Just make sure the next one doesn’t feature some stupid mascot that’s a relic from one of the most ridiculous marketing eras of our time. And PLEASE make sure they’re not wearing sunglasses.