Carolyn Hitt on her family's struggle to deal with her mother's cancer

AUGUST 28, 2011 – I’ll never forget the day my mother was diagnosed with cancer.

AUGUST 28, 2011 – I’ll never forget the day my mother was diagnosed with cancer.

We had spent the time between her scan and the results on what turned out to be our last family holiday. In the sunshine of Majorca a dark cloud of anxiety was never far away, though we never dared to say the word itself.

Back home, I was the first to hear it as my mother handed me the phone and the GP gently explained there was a malignant tumour on my mother’s lung.

In a matter of minutes family life had changed forever.

As a journalist and broadcaster, I prided myself on my communication skills. I talked and listened and wrote for a living. As a daughter, I was also proud of the exceptional bond Mam and I shared. We couldn’t have been closer.

We chatted every day, finished each other’s sentences, loved each other’s company. Yet when cancer entered our lives, it was the one subject we couldn’t discuss.

The five of us – Dad and my two older brothers – talked about the practicalities... the tests, the treatments, the hospital visits, the scans, the special diets and the pain relief. But we couldn’t deal with the emotional impact of cancer.

Frankly, I was terrified. The whole subject frightened me. Cancer in the family was my worst possible fear.

The nature of my job is to gather facts, research opinion, take a view, but faced with the most challenging subject of all I couldn’t go near the internet or read a textbook. The lung cancer pamphlet from the doctor went straight in the bin.

And the irony is, when cancer affects a family the people you are closest to can suddenly be the people who feel furthest away. Those you usually chat to most become the hardest people to talk to. My father now admits he was in complete denial that my mother was dying. My brothers, conversely, feared the worst from the day she was diagnosed.

And I floundered somewhere between these two reactions. So, in some respects, we were all trying to cope alone.

Yet, whether you’re a cancer patient or you have a loved one with the disease, there are ways to counter this sense of isolation. Many cancer patients will turn to a family member first when diagnosed.

But it’s not just patients who need support; family members, partners, colleagues and carers may also find it hard to talk about the impact on their lives.

At such times, you can look beyond your blood relations and friends to another kind of family – the professional help provided by Macmillan Cancer Support. From expert advice through their helpline to sharing experiences with others in your position through their online community, you needn’t be alone.

And if your isolation stems from being too scared to talk with those closest to you, Macmillan Cancer Support can help you find the words you need.

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