We sat down – finally – on Monday night and looked around…pictures on the walls (some still waiting to be hung), two kitties snuggling on our new couch ottoman (the thing is ginormous and I love it!), and looked at each other, and just breathed. Almost an exhale of…we’re home. And it was the first time we had not a thing to do, at that very moment. No packing, no boxes to stare at, waiting to be filled. No logistics to line up. No electric, or cable or phone company to call to schedule installation. No paperwork to sign, fax, mail. Nothing.

Just to sit and….be.

And now, just about a week since we closed on our home, we *are* home. This IS home. I have been walking around grinning like a fool, and every time I walk into our kitchen, I think ‘holy crap, this is OUR kitchen? Are you sure we aren’t just on vacation and have to leave soon?!’. Every time I walk anywhere in the house and realize how far apart things are, how much space we have, I marvel. I think about how far we have come. I think about my first home, too, and how I thought *that* was home…and how very much home has never felt more right than ever. And I look at M’s face and I’ve never seen more pride and joy in his eyes. And he – close to tears – on moving night, happy, joyful, feeling blessed. We are feeling blessed.

This home is our hearts and souls, our lives, our journey. Home is us.

The last week has been an utter blur and trying to recap *there* to *here* seems rather difficult.

The last night…Friday, May 31 was a hectic evening. It wasn’t how I pictured it, in terms of sitting back, glass of wine, recapping our memories of the last (almost) two years. It was filled with moving boxes, M’s parents coming over to the house to help with some things, some anxious moments (by me, of course. har, har.), and then a restless night’s sleep. Thinking, anxious, praying that the day would run smoothly.

6 am wake up on Saturday morning. I bound out of bed and am giddily excited, yet nervous. Praying the movers show up (they do. Whew). Hoping the weather isn’t too hot (it is, a scorching 94 degrees with loads of humidity).

The morning runs as smoothly as I could have imagined. Movers haul and we have everything in (or so I *thought*) by 11:15 am. I am happily unpacking boxes. My mom has come over and is documenting the move in pictures and keeping our kitties comfy holed up in one of the spare bedrooms as the movers get everything in. The alarm guy comes and installs. The cable/internet guys come and get that all situated. We are feeling *golden* and then…M decides to head over to the apartment to gather the ‘last few things’ he had left at the house (including our oh-so-precious wine club wines!) and bam, it all goes to hell in a handbasket (#dramatic).

In true “M” fashion, he has vastly underestimated how many boxes and random items are left at the house. As I’m farting around putting books away and more clothes, he finally texts me and admits the job is far too big for just him. It’s about 5 pm at this point (an hour and a half after he left to gather the ‘few’ things) and we have been going almost 12 hours, in scorching heat, sweat pouring down our faces all.day.long.

Bam. Meltdown mode.

I walk into the apartment and there is a sh*tload of stuff left. A printer, four boxes of wine, HALF of his clothes still in the closet on hangers, three bags of trash, Christmas ornaments. Let’s just say the next 30 mins were not my finest 😉 We agree to load my car up, load his, and then he’d go back after and get what he thought would be one more load, and I would hit the grocery store. Welp, another FIVE car loads later, M is finally home. rolling in around 8 pm, almost passed out from exhaustion and dehydration (I am not far behind…). But in that time, I loaded up on groceries, some of his favorite treats (as a ‘forgive me for being a jerk’ truce!) and we finally sat down, bone-weary, legs aching, and had our first meal in our new home.

And despite all of that day’s events, we were home.

And that is all that mattered at that very moment.

…to be continued…

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It’s FEF this week, folks (finally effing Friday, for those that haven’t read these funny posts before. Hehe). And on this gorgeous Friday morning, where honestly, the week treated me pretty well (totally embracing being home this week since I was initially supposed to travel to Vegas for all of a hot second, but that got canceled, yay!).

But as we collect boxes and begin getting serious (in mode: GSD aka get sh*t done!) about packing for our move that is just about 3 weeks away (wheeee! ahhhhh! yayyyy!), it occurred to me there there are a few things I won’t miss about moving for this apartment that we’ve lived in together for almost two years.

I won’t miss, um, moving.No, really, I won’t. I’ve moved four times in the last four years and I am all SET with moving right about now. From the boxes, to the upheaval to routine, to the mess that just naturally comes with moving (sh*t everywhere, trying to figure out what to keep, what to toss, and what to pack and when to pack WHAT). This move, though, signifies more than just the end of this streak of constant moving, but the start of where our story continues, and in that sense? I am embracing moving and all the sh*t that entails as much as possible.

I won’t miss lugging groceries up three flights of stairs.It never fails – I go to the store for ‘two things’ and come home with 5 bags, and 5 heavy bags at that (including a whole watermelon, kabocha squash, two seltzers and a bunch of cat food) and naturally want to carry all of that, plus my giant iced coffee in one trip. I attempt it, swear at myself as the bags dig into my arms as I teeter up the stairs trying not to drop anything, then try to unlock the door without putting anything down (why I can’t just put the bags down, I have no idea…or make two freaking trips up the stairs!), struggle to unlock the door, half unlock it, doesn’t open, and then have to try again, all whilst swearing at myself and hoping no bag breaks and my coffee doesn’t spill everywhere, only to drag everything into the hallway, where one bag proceeds to break (thankfully just the bag broke, and it didn’t include any seltzer that would then splatter everywhere!). I typically tend to ‘time’ grocery shopping trips for when M will begrudging go with me, and then *he* tries to be the groceries hero and bring about 20 bags up those three flights of stairs. Nothing short of comical….and sweaty, every.single.time.

I won’t miss paying rent.When I first moved into an apartment, it was my first apartment ever. I had lived at college, but moved home after, and then moved right into a house when I got married the first time (I feel fortunate that I was able to do that – not live in apartments for the last 10ish years!). So this was my first experience paying rent and that feeling of ‘oh, this money is going nowehere’ feeling every single month, vs. a mortgage, where you are at least paying FOR something you get to ultimately keep 😉

I won’t miss our tiny pantry. While I admit that this is the first time I have HAD a pantry, it’s almost useless as it is super narrow, and horribly organized (if you can even call it organized). I probably say this because I eye the big walk-in pantry we will have at our new house and will soon become wayyyyy too used to having it. (I admit that will feel super spoiling!)

I won’t miss highway noise. Our complex is set against a golf course, which is quite pretty, but behind that is a major highway. I don’t mind a little road noise, I find it comforting, in a way, but with all the windows open in the spring and summer, it is almost ALL you can hear, especially at night. Nothing more romantic, or awakening, too, than a loud Mac truck rumbling down the highway at 2 am 😉

This post is really meant to be funny, more than anything, and in jest, as honestly, this apartment has treated us very well over the years. You notice I did not say noisy neighbors, annoying complex management or random fees etc., because there just hasn’t been any issues while living here. It’s been quiet, private and really the best ‘next step’ towards a house that we could ask for. It’ll be surreal to move and leave this home, but at the same time? So very exciting, I can hardly contain myself. Blessed.

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About this time last Sunday, we were putting an offer on a house (the secret!).One that we felt, at the time, was ‘it’. Everything we were looking for. An offer that got accepted late on Monday evening.

And today, at almost the same time, we are backing outof that very offer.

I sit here in tears, saddened at what I thought – what we thought – was truly the house we had been looking for, as it had the perfect mix of move-in condition, yard and deck, and feel to it that screamed ‘us’ and in a town that we both really love.

But after a home inspection yesterday, and some sage advice from a few close family members, combined with our own growing apprehension about these concerns they, and we, began to have, it became clear that maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t *it* after all. As hard as it is to see past the plethora of good qualities in this house – and the list is pretty endless – the bad, the possible warning signs became just too evident, and hard to see beyond. From a very old roof (that we’d likely get stuck footing the bill for) to questions about past flooding (three sump pumps seemed three too many…), to some bowing in the floors that seemed perhaps more than just age and natural settling, we began to wonder if those opinions of others were right…and that maybe we were letting the good qualities of this home cloud our judgement.

After watching another episode of Joel Osteen this morning, his message was focused on praying BIG prayers, and not settling for less, or for ‘just enough.” Dream big, expect more and don’t settle for less. If that isn’t a universal truth and screaming clear message, I don’t know what is. As we sit here and mourn the loss of ‘what couldn’ve been,’ we are focusing on blind faith, trust, and the bigger truth of ‘what WILL be’ in our future...the right home, the right time, the right next step to continue where our story began.

In pictures…our new digs!! (and yes, we did even put up all of our pictures on the walls today too!)

Living room - check out that awesome new chaise in the corner, LOVE it.

View of our fireplace and door to our deck, which opens up to look over a golf course!

View into kitchen, which I love.

Dining room (to the left is the wine fridge, now fully stocked with all of our wines together! heh.)

Little nook I created next to the fireplace. Cute, right?Our MUCH deserved SUPER SPECIAL wine we saved for last night's cheers 🙂

There are a few more picures, of the bathrooms and bedroom and closets, but those are probably boring 😉 (and the bed isn’t set up yet, sadly, as the furniture store brought two LEFT legs to put it together. Smooth.).

Our digs…feel spectacular and a little bit luxury and a little bit ‘is this really our place!?” and I love it. It’s still sinking in, and I think I’ll enjoy that feeling for the next little while. Cheers friends!