Um. No. Don’t Give Me Old Time Religion.

I am at the place in my life where I’d like to explore spirituality beyond the coercing of my mother, and I refuse to tell her because she’ll think I’m giving my life black to God and let’s be very clear: That’s not what I’m doing.

I’m just trying to recognize that a force beyond myself is at work because I’m only so competent, and I’d like to be able to thank something other than statistics and chance when shit somehow goes right.

My requirements are few and quite simple:

No group that believes they’re exclusively right. If you’re way works for you, congratulations. If my way doesn’t work for you, shut the fuck up. It can all be that simple. If you have found a way that makes your time on earth fulfilling, go practice that way. Bashing anyone else, I imagine, would only take away from the time you could be spending practicing the way you claim makes your life enriching. I’m also deducting your religious group points if you cosign any of the moments your deity told anyone in your squad to kill someone who was minding their business, or take land that people were already happily living on.

No Religious group that thinks I’m finding them out of tragedy. I know the common narrative for a man in his 20’s is I’m supposed to be finding God after being strung out on crack or some other frightening rock-bottom experience. This is not my case. My life is great. I work a job I enjoy. I talk to my parents. Our relationship is good considering we represent two distinctly different groups of black people. I’m healthy. I’m starting to reach the point where I’m recognized for my writing when I run into people I had no idea even read.

My life is going well.

I just know damn well I had almost nothing to do with that.

So I’m trying to develop a practice where I can give God some credit for my life.

No Group that dislikes other people for no explainable reason. I’m not explaining myself beyond that line. If your variation of God doesn’t like people who are gay, poor, immigrants, or have experimental and consensual sex as means of better understanding the human body God gave them, your God can go to hell.

Nothing Ironic. A coffee shop I go to has a day where Atheist get together. Have no idea what they do. I’m not brave enough for atheism. I’m too black for that shit. Something has to exist, and yes, this contradicts my “don’t tell people how to believe” theory but I’m not telling people how to believe, I’m simply saying mankind RARELY ever gets it right, and yet here we are. That’s pretty amazing, and I don’t think we can take credit for that.

I acknowledge if “God” is way too complex to figure out right this minute, but something has to exist that got me right here, right now, and I don’t have to know all the ins-and-outs to be grateful.

No Religious Group that thinks they know better for my own life than I do. I need you to respect my own journey as unique and ultimately, mine. I think it’s great God told you to get married in your 20’s and have all your kids shortly thereafter. I didn’t get that memo for my life. I’ve felt no inclination to that calling, so no, don’t tell me that’s what God told me to do. I’ll tell you where your God told me you can shove it.

I’m not knocking any religious group or organization, specifically. Although, It’s definitely going to be a polite no thank you to Scientology. I think there’s a lot of overlap between most religions. I’m also aware that there’s room for interpretation in any text that includes words or developed from the spiritual equivalent of hearsay.

I think Jesus had it right with the whole, “God’s plan and my existence are kinda one and the same, but if I try to explain that, y’all bitch asses gon’ try and crucify me”

I’m down for Buddha’s Get away from all the fuckery people put on you, find yourself, (spoiler you’ve been you the entire time) and have some sex on the way.

I’m down for Rumi’s, any answer you ever needed has been with you, just shut the fuck up and listen, approach.

And like my interpretation of these great teachers messages, I too need to find a place where I can let my irreverent-self embrace the spiritual experience.

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7 thoughts on “Um. No. Don’t Give Me Old Time Religion.”

I think this is one of your best postings – ever! You know I followed your blog in the past and just recently returned from my blogging hiatus, so I’ve read quite a bit of what you’ve published here, and this one is awesome! When you decide to become pope and start your own religion, I’ll be a very obedient disciple. You’ve absolutely ruled out all the hypocrisy in organized religion and your conclusion is very inclusive. Great job, my brother blogger! Naked hugs!

You have definitely been keeping up with my work for a while, and I count it no small thing that you consider this my best work. I’m being WAY more critical about the process of writing lately, and what makes me enjoy the writing most while simultaneously making sure people get work that is entertaining/nourishing/insightful, etc.

Thank you SO MUCH for your insight and critique…. I know DAMN WELL I have no business starting an entire religion, but I am enjoying crafting a spiritual practice that I can identify with and can help me be my best self – that’s who does any of my good writing.

There’s something tricky about ‘Religon’…..I think it’s the human attempt to try to turn vast spiritual concepts into accessible bits of information for people to digest, This leaves way too much wiggle room for people to be manipulative.

Philosophical punch is the best way forward! A nice hearty mix of all religions and practices can only be a good thing.

It should be fun though, it should add to life – not take away. It should aid adult complexities not stunt children’s growth. Monotheism has a lot to answer for these days, Jesus must be turning in his grave!

RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT! Some spiritual nuance could be a fun direction for the future.

and I want Jesus to meet some folks at the gate and say nothing. Just give a condescending stare and a ‘realllly niggga?’ look on his face, ’cause some of y’all fucked it up fr a lot of folks and never did so much as apologize.

The Young Plum

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