“So first thing next day I knocked on their bedroom door to say good mornin’ and one of them called out, tellin’ me to come in.”

“This was one of the gay blokes who owned the house?” Brian asked.

“Yeah. I think I was the only one rentin’ a room that night.”

He nodded and I went on.

“I walked into their bedroom and there the two of them were – the older dude and the younger lad I’d met the night before. Both of them were in the stark nuddies and they were sittin’ side-by-side with their hands goin’ at it on their dicks.”

“Fuck off!” Brian laughed. “That so did not happen!”

“I swear to god it did,” I laughed back. “They were sittin’ up in bed together, their legs wide open so you could see their arse-cracks, and their hands were slidin’ up and down their poles right in front of me!”

“What, the two blokes who owned the house were wankin’ off?”

“Plain as day! Both sittin’ back against the headboard, jerkin’ their porked-up pricks off and just sort of grinning over at me!”

“Like they wanted you to see them?” he asked, still chuckling.

“Exactly! Like they were proud that’s how they start their mornings. With their arses plonked down next to each other and their hands sliding up and down their two massive dongers!”

“Doin’ each other, or doin’ themselves?”

“Doin’ themselves. One of them had his arm around the other, his hand on his mate’s shoulder, but both of their hands were on their own big chubbed-up cocks.”

Brian laughed again and then took a swig from his lager.

“Have you noticed how gay fellas always have the biggest knobs?” he asked after he’d swallowed his mouthful.

“Not really, why would they?”

“You know… the way they shag each other’s arses.”

“Why would that make their cocks grow big?”

“Maybe it acts like fertiliser or something,” he shrugged. “There was a gay lifeguard at this hotel me and Sharon stayed in once. You could see through his shorts he was built like a fuckin’ county show donkey.”

“Well this pair both had cocks as long and thick as their forearms. They could hardly get their hands around them as they wanked the fuckin’ massive things off right in front of me!”

“So what did they say?” Brian asked, still chuckling. “Were they like apologetic that they was whackin’ their two pricks off in front of their houseguest?”

“Were they fuck! The older one – Paul I think his name was – was all like, ‘We’ll sort you out with some breakfast, Dave. Once we’ve finished masturbating!'”

Brian guffawed, spitting some of the drink he’d been slurping right across the table. “These gay types sure know how to tart a wank up so it sounds proper posh!”

“I know… that’s what I thought! Anyway, I was like, ‘Don’t mind me, gents. You just masturbate to your hearts’ content!'”

Brian laughed even louder. I knew he’d love this story. Even while I’d been watching the two gay dudes wanking off, I’d known Brian would just about laugh himself silly hearing how I’d walked in on my gay hosts having a good pull together.

“So what did you do then?” he asked. “Did you leave them to it?”

“I was gonna, but then they younger one – Charles or whatever – called over to me, with his hand slappin’ up and down his big prong dead fast, ‘You don’t have issues with us doing this, do you, Dave? Masturbating together as two male lovers…'”

“Oh fuck! ‘Two male lovers’… how did ya keep a straight face?”

“So I says, ‘It’s your house, mate… I’m only here for a cheap stopover on the Air BNB. Ya can do what ya like in yer own bed, fellas…'”

“I said back, ‘It’s hardly homosexual, is it? Me and brother used to wank off together when we was in our teens and neither of us can even spell homosexual never mind do it!'”

Brian chortled again but avoided spraying me with lager for a second time.

“Is that what they looked like?” he asked, after wiping off his mouth. “Just two blokes wankin’ off?”

“Naah, they were a bit more touchy-feely than that. They were more into each other, if you know what I mean…”

Brian nodded but I could see he didn’t really get it.

“And their arseholes… oh yeah! I forgot to tell you what their fuckin’ arseholes looked like!”

“You could see them?” he asked.

“Yeah… I told you, they had their legs wide open. That was part of the touchy-feely thing. Where their legs were touchin’, they were sorta twined around each other the way two straight fellas would keep right apart…”

“So what was it about their arseholes?”

“Well, their big pairs of knackers were bobbin’ around as they wanked their dicks off, and underneath those you could see their two dark purple ringpieces pokin’ out from their hairy arse-cracks.”

“And what did they look like?” he kept on, his face dead keen to hear what the gays were hiding down the backs of their trousers.

“Fuckin’ massive!” I grinned and Brian beamed at me, his eyes gawping wide.

“Could ya tell they fucked each other up them?” he asked.

“‘Course ya fuckin’ could,” I chuckled back. “They were all puffy and swollen and stretched from havin’ to take each other’s tree-trunk cocks.”

“So he leans over and – I’m not kiddin’ you, Bry – put his whole mouth right over the other fella’s prick.”

“He so fuckin’ didn’t!”

“He fuckin’ did – I’m not makin’ this up!”

“What, he started suckin’ the other bloke’s cock right in front of you?”

“Fuckin’ chowed down on it, he did. I was like, ‘Whoa! Me girlfriend never does it like that on mine!’ And he just went for it, takin’ the whole fuckin’ length of his mate’s big chopper down his throat, slurpin’ his mouth up and down it, like it was the best lolly he’d ever tasted!”

“Oh fuck!” Brian chortled, “I’d have loved to see that! I bet it was fuckin’ wild!”

“It was!” I laughed back. “I mean, not ’cause it were two blokes or anything like that…”

“‘Course not!”

“Just… you know… seein’ a quality blow-job up close…”

“Absolutely!” he nodded. “I love to see a bit of high-class dick suckin’ whoever’s doin’ it!”

“So I was stood there, still in me boxers like, watchin’ him guzzle this massive fuckin’ boner like a pro, thinkin’, ‘Don’t get a fuckin’ hard-on, Dave. Any other time, but not right now!'”

Brian laughed. “No way, mate… he’d have been on ya like a fuckin’ headlouse!”

“Anyway, so I’m just stood there ogglin’ at them, and the younger lad who’s havin’ his dick sucked says, cool as a cucumber, ‘Is our male intimacy very different from heterosexual oral sex?’

“And I say, ‘Quite a bit, yeah… for a start he seems to be enjoyin’ doin’ it to you…’

“And he says back – totally cazh, like we were sitting having cocktails or something – ‘Do you admire my lover’s technique?’

“So I joke with him, ‘It’s a lot different from how I do it, when I’m doin’ it to me girlfriend…”

Brian smiled, his face captivated by my story. He seemed to have forgotten about the drink sitting losing its fizz in front of him.

“Then the older one pulls his mouth off his cock and says, ‘Maybe this is more like how you do it, Dave,’ and cranes his neck right down so his face is pushed between lover-boy’s legs…”

“What did he do? Lick the other bloke’s bollocks?” Brian asked me, his eyes locked on mine with interest.

“No, he went a bit lower than that…”

He thought about it and after about two seconds shrugged, “I don’t get it…”

“He did what gays must do to each other as their own way of lickin’ out a pussy…”

He thought for another few seconds. “I still don’t get it, Dave. Help me out here, mate… I’m not up on all this gay shit like what you are…”

I chuckled at his dig and said, “He licked his fella’s arsehole, Bry. He ran his tongue around it like it was a minge!”

Brian kept staring at me and for a few moments I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t have told him this part. But then he asked, still wide-eyed and looking gormless, “So what did you do then, Dave?”

“I just watched them doing it… the older guy lapping at his boyfriend’s dick-loosened arsehole… the younger guy wanking his fat dick off again, just pleasantly smilin’ over at me like we was havin’ drinks and nibbles.”

“At least that took care of the stiffie you was worried about gettin’,” Brian said, managing a grin. “Seein’ one bloke lickin’ another fella’s chuff could wither a fuckin’ flag-pole!”

“I dunno… it was kinda hot in a weird sorta way,” I admitted. “I reckon I was gettin’ half chubbed-up just from how… you know… different it was from anythin’ I’d ever seen before…”

Brian laughed at that, just like I thought he would. “You reckon you might give Colleen’s brown-eye a little once-over with yer tongue, then?”

I nodded – I’d known full well what he’d been on about – and went on, “So then he says, ‘Would you mind very much if our postmen made their deliveries before we treat you to breakfast?’

“And I say back, ‘Do whatever you like, mate! I didn’t even know breakfast was included.'”

Brian looked at me in disbelief. “You’re not gonna tell me they did gay bum sex and you just stood there and watched them…?”

I smirked back. “I suppose I could’ve walked out… but they didn’t seem to mind havin’ an audience, so I reckoned it would be kinda interesting to see what they would do.”

“So what did they do?” he asked.

“They messed around a bit first… sorta wrestled with each other and played swordfights with those fuckin’ big gayed-up cocks of theirs. All the time they were smilin’ over at me, lovin’ the fact I was stood watchin’ them playin’ around in the nuddie.”

“And did they end up bummin’ each other for proper?”

“The younger one got pinned down on his front by the older bloke,” I nodded, “sorta bent over so his arse was stickin’ up.”

“What did the older one do then?” Brian grinned, his face expectant.

“What d’ya think he did?” I laughed. “He pushed his fat bell-end right in between lover boy’s bum-cheeks and then slid his thick cock all the way up his dumpster.”

“And what did the younger one do? Did he like havin’ his shitter shagged?”

“Like it?” I kept laughing. “He fuckin’ loved it! He pushed himself up on all-fours and the older one grabbed him by the hips. Then they butt-fucked together fast as a train on full-crank with the younger one shoutin’ ‘Aw yeah! Fuck me harder!'”

“And you was stood there, tryin’ not to chuck yer guts up?”

“Naah, I was stood there, tryin’ to hide my hard-on.”

Brian really howled at that. “Aw, don’t tell me you grew a fuckin’ woodie watchin’ two blokes doin’ it up the fudger!”

“You dirty git!” he laughed. “So did you stand there watchin’ them doin’ gay bummin’… all the way to the spunk-off?”

“Two spunk-offs,” I corrected him. “First the older guy nutted his juice with that Charles lad thumpin’ his bum back dead hard against him, then the two of them swapped places and the younger lad sowed his own oats up his boyfriend’s big hairy trench!”

“Oh fuck!” Brian laughed. “No wonder they have such big cunts for arseholes!”

He looked at his lager and, as if remembering it was there and only half-drunk, picked it up and took a long, deep swig.

Then after he’d chucked out a noisy belch and put the glass back down, he said, “So did they give you breakfast?”

“Oh yeah,” I grinned. “It turned out well nice, actually. They both put a lot of effort into… er… servin’ it up.”

After the young lad had jizzed off up his fella’s back-passage, they’d told me they were now ready to sort me out. I’d known from their faces and the fact that the older one’s knob was rock hard again that it wasn’t bacon and eggs I was going to be getting from the pair of them.

They’d come over to where I was standing and I’d given them the thumbs-up to show them I was up for having a bit of fun. I was hoping for a wank-off or a blow-job, maybe have one of them lick my bollocks, but if they’d tried to bend me over to shove one of their massive gay cocks up my tiny tush, I promise you things would have got nasty very quickly.

But they didn’t try anything like that – I’d mentioned my girlfriend enough times for them to figure out how far I’d go. They’d pulled my skanky boxers down and my short stubby prick had sprung upwards. Then they’d smiled at me and I’d just stood there to let them do their thing.

The older one knelt down in front of me with his mouth working its magic up and down my veiny chub, while the younger one went round the back of me to crouch down and feast between my cheeks like he loved other fellas’ arse-stink.

It was fucking awesome if I’m honest, but I wasn’t going to tell Brian that. Our friendship has its limits and I figured I’d already gone too far admitting I’d had a boner watching those two horny fuckers roughly doing each other right there on their bed in front of where I was standing.

I’d cum down Paul’s throat – if that was his name – with his boyfriend’s tongue lapping in and out of my hot slimy pucker. I don’t know which I liked most out of the blowjob or the arsejob. The feel of the young guy’s morning stubble snagging against my flabby cheeks certainly helped my cock start spewing into the eager mouth that was wrapped around it.

And when all said and done, where was the harm in it? It was just a bit of fun when you think about it! Colleen really hates the taste of my knob and – let’s face it – there’s no way that any girl on Earth was going to put her nose and mouth anywhere near a whiffy back-crack like mine. So I reckon it was fair game to let these two posh bum-boys give me a little sniffter of how nice it felt to get worked over front and back.

“So how’d it work with the payment?” Brian asked after downing the last of his pint. “Did you have to pay them through the Air BNB website?”

“No, you pay the host directly. But they didn’t ask for any money so I didn’t offer.”

“What, you got to stay over for free?” he gawked.

“Yeah, and I had the invoice from the website so I got my expenses back from work.”

“You jammy fucker!” he grinned. “You got it both ways!”

“And very nice it was too, mate,” I smirked back at him.

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