SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

Now he has talked to two lawyers

I told him I was making an appointment with a L to gather information, he knew beforehand. He talked to a L the same day, asking general questions like retainer and such "to protect himself".

Today he talked to another lawyer more in depth (how do we put a value on the business and spousal support) and he says it is so we can compare notes later on what both Ls say.

He swears he doesn't want D, but knows that I am pretty much there. I might misunderstand my L or just hear what I want to hear, so he wanted the second opinion.

I am not even sure I want to D just yet, but I damn well know I want to separate, legally. If he wants to prove he is not hoovering and really going to change then he will do it without me here. He can earn me back.

Schadenfreude posted 6/2/2014 13:18 PM

I am a lawyer. Don't listen to WH' s interpretation of what a lawyer of his choice had to say. You will not get a straight story as he will slant it his way no matter what. Hoovering? Sort of, with the backup threat that his lawyer told him you'd be financially ruined, etc.....whatever your fears are.

If you must listen to his bullshit and lies, get him to tell you his whole story first, so you'll recognize the lies.

meplusfour posted 6/2/2014 13:25 PM

I used to practice family and matrimonial law. You need to move fast, he may be consulting lawyers so that you will not be able to retain them due to a conflict of interest. He does not need to even speak to the same lawyer as you, talking another lawyer at the firm will be enough to disqualify that firm from representing you. Where I live, this is a tactic used by spouses who are trying to gain an unfair advantage. Do not let him lull you into a false sense of security, you need to keep your plans to yourself and retain your lawyer. Do not share information about who you are seeing and what you are talking about.

Protect yourself.

Dreamboat posted 6/2/2014 13:31 PM

he says it is so we can compare notes later on what both Ls say.

No, that is not how it works. Listen to YOUR L and only YOUR L. His L is out to get what is best for HIM, not for you. I personally don't think you should talk to WH about what your L has told you.

Breezy150 posted 6/2/2014 14:36 PM

Thank you all, that is what I figured.

Breezy150 posted 6/2/2014 14:49 PM

The L he talked to today did not make him happy though. He was told that he will be paying me quite a bit of money for my half of the business, plus I would get spousal support. He recommended that if he didn't want to lose everything just to lawyers that we should come up with a fair split. He was also told that if we don't agree on an amount for the business WH will have to pay up to 10 grand to a forensic accountant to come up with a number to pay me half of.

He is not in a good position and he knows it, my L will probably make him see that he may be in an even worse position.

Kajem posted 6/2/2014 14:53 PM

I used to practice family and matrimonial law. You need to move fast, he may be consulting lawyers so that you will not be able to retain them due to a conflict of interest. He does not need to even speak to the same lawyer as you, talking another lawyer at the firm will be enough to disqualify that firm from representing you. Where I live, this is a tactic used by spouses who are trying to gain an unfair advantage. Do not let him lull you into a false sense of security, you need to keep your plans to yourself and retain your lawyer. Do not share information about who you are seeing and what you are talking about.
Protect yourself.

I did this with all the lawyers that went for blood. It left him with the attorneys that did their best NOT to create an adversarial parenting relationship. He chose his, then I chose mine.

I learned ALOT in those free sessions.

Good luck
K

Breezy150 posted 6/2/2014 15:01 PM

When I made the appointment with the meanest lawyer in town, they took his name so they wouldn't talk to him. I have made sure that I get the most aggressive one. We live in a pretty small town.

Plus I spent over a year in the court systems getting to know which Ls were best and most aggressive during the murder trials. I learned a lot about how things work going from start to finish with seven defendants all tried separately. I picked the most aggressive one in town, I know it.

I will be keeping everything to myself from now on though.

ShiningAutumn8 posted 6/2/2014 15:06 PM

Its weird he would talk about "comparing notes" from the lawyers. Its not like one lawyer represents you both. Your lawyer fights to get you the most he can, and his lawyer fights in opposition to that.

Honestly I wouldn't even have disucssions with him about this. Its not prudent to get second hand, tainted info from someone with an agenda.

Just talk to your own lawyer, and have him talk to whomever your husband retains. Don't tell him what your lawyer is telling you.