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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

John tells me our readership took a hit this past month, and he couldn't figure out what had changed until someone mentioned everyone's back in school now. A-ha! Of course.

So just to show that Cake Wrecks is nothing if not educational, I've whipped up a handy lesson guide for all you teachers out there. Now you can take the night off and catch up on the wreckage! Then tomorrow just fire up the overhead projector, and allow me to educate our future leaders. (No, no, don't cry; I do this because I care.)

Students, today we're going to look at how your lessons apply in the real world. Pay attention, because the pop quiz starts...now.

It's quite common for people to confuse "you're" and "your." Here's a simple way to remember which is witch:

This is wrong:

...because it raises the question, "Your old WHAT?"

This is correct:

Although it should be noted that owning an old Kurt in this day and age will never be "right."

Here's another proper usage you high schoolers may find more relevant:

Next, this rhyme can really come in handy for your spelling skills:

"I before E except after C..."

"but not in the words 'Tigers'...

"'their'...

"Or 'anniversary!'"

Quotation marks are vital for indicating when you're quoting someone verbatim or just being really, really sarcastic:

*Asterisks often denote footnotes, albeit sometimes invisible ones. Invisible footnotes are the work of the Knights Templar, and should be reported to Dan Brown "immediately."

A homonym (n) is each of two different words having the same pronunciation but different meanings, spellings, or both.

For example, "here" is where we are now:

While "hear" is what we do with our ears:

Next time we'll also discuss properly distinguishing your cursive "w"s from your "m"s.

Luckily, putting the proper endings on number contractions like first, second and third is as easy as 1th, 2th, 3th!

Well, I'm sure this lesson has been super helpful, students, so for your homework I want you all to show your teacher what you've just learned with an informative drawing. Bonus points if you use sprinkles. Or bring cake to class. Or write a sonnet entitled, "Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible."

Ok, that last cake? Wow! I now know that it takes a whole bucket full of sperm to become pregnant. I thought it only took one? And does the third cake say Congratulations on Your Jean Pregnancy? Is that how maternity pants are made?

I know a lot of people say you should have the cake decorator write on your cake. As a cake decorator I write well and I don't get complaints but my manager does a lot better job than I do and he is a guy. The other woman I work with who does the muffins and sweet goods writes better than I do. It's all about experience. My point being each bakery is different and there are no set standards. Where I work bad writing is never okay and if you can't write well than you can't work in the bakery.

Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible

The wrecks in cake do teach all sorts of rulesFor grammar lessons which we clearly lackFrom trimming of the lesson plans in schools-But never fear ‘cause Jen has got our back!Our Jen has filled that need shown in our cakes,To teach the things our bakers clearly missedThrough humorously showing their mistakesAnd checking off the problems on her list.Without reward has Jen done this great feat,An attitude which should no longer stand.As recompense she does deserve a treat-A PhD of honor in her hand.And added to her other great acclaim,A working Proton Pack, giv’n in her name.

Thanks for the belly laugh. I had forgotten to come here watching all the economic and world troubles lately. I shall come more often. You love blue and orange, too! No wonder I think you're brilliant!

"Why Jen from Cake Wrecks Deserves an Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible"

A font of wisdom graces cyberspaceExposing hubris of those wrecky cakesThat doth infest each grocery apaceAnd surely fill her witty head with aches.If there is philosophy yet in jestWith mast’ry to be had in diligenceA doctor – nay, a sage! – is title bestFor this guardian of intelligence.Ill content to rest on laurels fondantBrave Jen would save the world from ghosts anon!A proton pack is all she lacks for wont;Only that – and a little Grey Poupon.Think you, “Mustard does not on cake belong!”?Viddy the Wreckage and be proven wrong.

OK Jen. The inspiration is there for you to develop an honest to goodness Cake Wreck Grammar curriculum for teachers. I'm dead serious. It is such a creative idea that it would be a welcomed addition to teaching grammar. The teacher's would have fun with it, and the children would eat it up (pun intended). The Biology curriculum would be an interesting one as well -- of course parental signature approval required.

You are such a "giver", Jen. I am so glad you are here to "teach" our "children".

Sadly, poems are not my forte. If I could express my desire for you to have an "Honorary PhD and also a Working Proton Pack, If Possible" in cheesecake, I would make my "Choco-Cherry Love" cheesecake (inspired by a Dairy Queen Blizzard, natch) in your honor.

I used to proofread business cards and once I saw one from a dentist whose card said that his office was in "Suite 2th." Sweet tooth. Get it? The typesetter had "corrected" it to say "Suite 2nd" and it took some convincing to make her understand that the dentist was being a goofball and he wanted it that way.

Let's hope the tutor being appreciated was not an math or reading tutor!

That teen pregnancy one. Wow! It goes nicely with the last one, but the girl is probably thinking, "but I never once climbed into a giant vat of sperm! I don't know how this happened!"

The blog certainly is educational!Two years back or so, I found myself teaching English to student bakers for one month while their usual teacher was sick.It really helped to show them why learning languages is useful, even in their job.The cake may taste nice, but it tastes much better if it isn't home to half a dozen spelling mistakes in two lines.

OK, the German one is just wrong. Also, your comment about the Knights Templar slayed me. I am slayed... slain...? slayded...? Whatever, I'm lying on the floor dead, you can't expect me to know how to spell properly.

Maybe some of the teachers themselves would benefit from these lessons... The other day I got an e-mail from a 4th grade teacher saying she "must of overlooked" something... Just because "must've" (could've, should've, would've, etc.) SOUNDS like must of... I should HAVE corrected her, right? Sheesh.

As always, Jen, you rock! And you deserve an honorary PhD, and a working Proton Pack, if possible, in my humble opinion.

Well, when we hear you get to Germany, we'll all be glad to meat you. Where you're heals, so we no who you our. (My mother was an English teacher; that whirling noise you hear is her spinning in her coffin!)

I used to be a high school English teacher, and I definitely would've used this if I was still in the classroom. Kids love stuff like this, especially with subjects like grammar that easily bore them to sleep.

Jen, you don't need a "working" proton pack- you have John!! (Send any working my way and I'll test them for you- I'm just thinking of your safety, oh great royal snarkiness.)@Sharyn, Amy and GR I am in awe.

@ Lady Anne: AFTER that whirling noise, that silence you hear? That is the hamster in my brain refusing to run on the wheel until all the words are spelled correctly! Hee! I seriously had to read that very slowly several times to make out what you were supposed to be saying. : )

@Brooke: "Whatever, I'm lying on the floor dead, you can't expect me to know how to spell properly." Hahahaha!

LOVE IT! You graciously allowed me to use your Punctuation 101 post in my English class, and this one will definitely be put to use as well. The kids LOVE it, and if it helps them be more aware of their grammar and spelling, it's double-bonus points all the way around! :) THANK YOU!!

Oh man did my mind leave for the gutter on that Germany cake. Wow poor Germans lol. And that last cake what on earth.. I got the woman part but if they hadn't put sperm above the thing I would have thought she jumped in a hot tub and it got her pregnant. Scary.

Ok, so I have read all the comments so far, and I can't believe no-one has commented on the definitely NSFW glistening red couple in the last cake. Yup, them on top of the 'sushi roll', with her all bent over like that and him, well.. paying her some serious attention. Biology 101!

On the other hand, wow, two sonnets and all in working order - I am very impressed, well done CakeWreck lovers.