Fear

Who would have thought that it’s not the amount of time you spent together that matters in the end? The bleeding heart knows. At least mine does. Since early childhood death is a constant companion in my life. I’ve lost all the family I ever had to it. And I know no matter how tenacious

Why does it sometimes take so long before we see? Before we understand? Before our delusions are eaten by disillusionment? And how come we fall so fast and deep for illusion in the beginning? A lingering gaze, a few words spoken, a certain energy sparking between two persons, a handshake, locked eyes for that second

„Is a dream a lie if it don’t come true or is it something worse…“ I remember listening to Bruce Springsteen’s song The River for the first time and this line stuck. It was October 1980, I was 14 years old and really into puzzling about the meaning of life. This line stuck, it sort

Sometimes I come across something on the internet that makes me think. Like that picture of someone standing still in front of a sort of maschine with many buttons and lamps and the advice to keep your hands in the pocket if you don’t know which button to push. And maybe what started my thoughts

There is no veracity without facing what tortures the soul just as there is no light without darkness. Try it, shine a light on whatever you like, and it will cast a shadow and so make you aware of the dark. I know it is not comfortable to look at the dark but yet, every

I’m Ms. not-perfect, a misfit, a rebel with a cause. I grew up to the sermon “you’ll never get anywhere, you’re no good, you won’t achieve a thing”. It took me half a life to understand that these words repeatedly spoken by my father were rooted in his own sad and punishing feeling of inadequacy,

Fear. What a complex emotion. It comes in so many different colors and shades that sometimes it’s hard to grab. Sometimes it’s even harder to understand what and why we fear. It starts when we are babies. Completely helpless we cry when we wake up all alone, when we are left in a crib somewhere.

How deep is your love? Do you open your heart? Do you dare to face the fear that comes with allowing yourself to love? Do you walk into this frighteningly dark room where you let someone love you? What is it that makes us so afraid of the one thing we want like nothing else

Life is short. Maybe this year I have been too surrounded by sickness and death, the latter seemingly looming at every corner, grinning at me with fiery eyes. Maybe. Maybe it’s this thing called midlife crisis with me turning 50 only a heartbeat away? Maybe. Whatever it is, it makes me think. And no matter

Truth is a complicated thing. I was raised to be truthful, to never lie, to honestly speak my mind without someone letting scare me into silence. While growing up I was reminded of those principles a lot by my mother who was a fighter for justice and freedom having seen and suffered so much injustice

When we lose someone dear it affects different parts of our life. It teaches us a thing or two. It shifts our perspective on life. It might even change who we are. The last two months I accompanied the slow death of my mother. I saw her slowly fade away, and had to take decisions

Life is a persistent thing. The human body can be old and sick since years, the soul and mind unwilling to live on, the person eating and drinking so little it seems impossible to keep the spark of life simmering… Still death has to battle and struggle hard to win. It’s scary to watch, so