Travel Chuckles

What the Flight Attendant Said

Here are a few laughs that were heard on some recent flights across Canada...

1) Please turn off all electronic devices until after take-off and the seat belt sign is turned off. The electronic waves from your devises interfere with the pilot's pacemaker.

2) Please remember that Federal regulations prohibit smoking anywhere on this plane including the washrooms. Anyone caught smoking in the washroom during the flight will be asked to leave the plane immediately More...

Airline Types

Steve wrote this on a 5-hour flight from Toronto to Vancouver after recognizing so many of his 'friends' from previous flight experiences

Hey, it's Bertha the Hut and Laptop Louie!

For those who fly frequently, there is nothing like coming onto an airplane and meeting the same types that you have met countless times before. You know, the irritating people that have been placed next to you to cause you as much discomfort as possible during the long flight ahead.

A common technique for 'dealing with difficult people" is to think of a humorous anecdote. In light of this, here then are 32 airplane personalities you are bound to meet on your next flight. The gender of the personality is interchangeable in every instance. Martha Marinade, with her perfume, could easily be Mickey Marinade with his after-shave. See how many you remember meeting.

1) Sammy Sniffler: Sammy has a cold and instead of blowing his nose (he thinks it is rude to do so in public) he sniffs-oh, 10-20 times a minute for the entire 5 hour flight.

2) Bertha the Hut: Cousin to Jabba the Hut (of Star Wars fame) Bertha overflows in her seat into your territory and no matter how much you shift to avoid physical contact, Bertha is there, oblivious to your discomfort. Bertha may also be identified as always having the use of two full armrests, one of which, of course, belongs to you.

3) Wendell Wobbly: Wendell is having balance problems as he sits in his seat. His cutlery won't stay on the tray; his glass is sitting on a ridge, and his napkin is somewhere near his feet (or your feet). Hope you know a dry cleaner at your destination, because you will need one

4) Martha Marinade: Martha has put on her usual amount of perfume – about 3 gallons. She wants everyone to experience that mystifying aroma yet everyone, including you, is gagging from the overpowering smell.

From the Secret Files of the Arline Ticketing Agent

1.I had a New Brunswick member of parliament ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!) 2. I got a call from a Manitoba legislature staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ''I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape Town is in Massachusetts ..''

Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained, ''Cape Cod is in Massachusetts , Cape Town is in South Africa .'' His response -- click..