Question

How can I be more patient with my toddler?

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Sometimes I feel so angry when my son doesn't cooperate or makes messes. I've even spanked his bottom, or forced his legs to the changing table when he keeps pulling them up to his chest. I feel horrible about doing this. How can I stop?

Mom Answers

Hello All...
I'm desperately seeking help... I'm the worst kind of impatient with my 21mo old - I yell. I come from a yeller and absolutely hated my mother for it - it hurt my ears so much. I promised I'd never yell like that, but seem to have broken that promise anyway. I catch myself once it's too late - he and I are already in tears and the damage has been done. I try to count to ten, but I never seem to remember as the situation escalates so quickly. I'm so ashamed of myself... I can see the hurt in his eyes. I know it scares him - he tells me so himself. He's such a bright boy, and he's so good with my mother-in-law. I feel like the worst kind of failure... I don't even know how to clean the house properly. I threw myself into this whole housewife/mommy thing with no skills to back it up and now I feel like I cannot cope. We live in a very small town where I have no friends and no licence to get around with. I feel like such a loser. Now I'm pregnant again [I lost my second at about 16weeks, which was horrifing] and the hormones are back. I love my little boy so much and I don't want to yell at him anymore. He gets timeouts - which work well - he understands the concept of them, but I'm still yelling at him about once a day which is unacceptable. I just don't know what to do anymore - I'm so upset I can barely see the computer screen right now.
Does anyone know how to stop the yell before it comes out?

Its hard isn't it?? I'm going throught that with my 16 month old, and there are times I just can't stand to be around him. Its so frustrating when I love him so much and it just seems in my mind it would be so much easier for him to cooperate and I would never yell, lol, but they don't feel that way. Right now my son is grunting because he can't really say anything so he just grunts at me all day long and I mean ALL DAY. The noise just drives me nuts. I have tried to put him in the other room or his crib for a mommy time out, but I have lost it sometimes and just started yelling and crying. I have no advice for you unfortunately I just wanted to let you know that most moms go through this and with time it will get better (I hope!)

It so nice to hear that others feel the same way. I have two-year old son who tries my patience on a daily basis. I try so hard to be patient but sometimes I end up snapping and then I just feel guilty the whole day for yelling at him. I'm getting better but it's tough.

Along with the mother who starts each day with the special prayer (I like your prayer by the way) - there is a prayer book I also find helpful for myself. The book is called "The Power of a praying Parent" by Stormie O'Martian and can be found in any christian book store. The book has several different prayers you can pray for them at different stages of their lives. I pray these prayers for my children every night when I have my quiet time. It also helps me to remember what is important when I get too frustrated with them some days and helps me to reflect on how to better handle situations.

OMG, I know where you're coming from. My 17 month old drives me nuts but that's just the way they all are. Mine likes to get in the dog food, dishwasher, everything sometimes I just let her cause I know it's just a phase. I also find myself getting so angry and wanting to spank her or yell. The best thing for me is to just try to get her away from the danger yet she always finds a way back. Just remember this is a very difficult age and you're not alone. Good luck to you it will pass.

Oh! I forgot my favorite diaper changing trick. I have a singing santa that my 18 month old adores...but he's only allowed to hold it during diaper changing time. He is so distracted by Santa that I can take my own sweet time cleaning him up.

I have recently discovered that 5-10 minutes of down on the floor time with my toddler several times a day has improved both of our dispositions. Alot of his inappropriate behavior stemmed from his desire to get my attention. Now I give it to him BEFORE he takes matters into his own "hands". I take him into the bathroom (which is off limits ordinarily) to play in front of the mirror. I wrestle with him on my bed. I climb under the kitchen table with him. His laughter makes me fall in love with him over and over again...and he is usually so worn out that he needs a break from ME.

I wish I could offer advice, I feel adviceless. I too am struggling. I could just cry I am so frustrated. Embarrassed too, by reactions from family and friends. THE ONE THING I DO is to stop and look her in the eyes and remember that I chose this for my life and I love her with every ounce of my being. Now, if I could just somehow control that little appendage.

4:03 9/9/04
I agree with communication being key when you are correcting, or redirecting, a child. Your ideas are great up until spanking with a ruler. I don't agree with that at all. I am trying really hard to handle situations without spanking anyway, and so far have been successful and I constantly get comments on how well behaved my child is. If I ever spank, which I will use in limited situations involving things like safety, I would only use my hand. Mainly because if I use my hand, I have a much better idea of how hard I am spanking. If I use a ruler or a stick I may think I know, but I really wouldn't know. Once your child is in school, will they cower at the sight of a ruler? Probably not, because of the amount of communication you evidentally use. The Bible reference doesn't offend me. I just don't agree with your literal use of it. Keep commmunicating with your child, I know I will.

I have been having a rough time with my 3yr old & 2 yr old. I feel I am speaking another language sometimes when they do not listen etc. I find the anger rises more & more throughout the day. I am gonna try the singing and counting...I will let you know how it works out!!!

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