Crying in the isle

With growing rates of mental health problems affecting young men and women, it is ever more important that a real solution be found for the stability of a family unit. Even for the families with parents that have already split, the need to remain emotionally consistent with the children and each other must be paramount.

Men especially can become backed into their own corners, from the pressures of parenting, home life, relationships, existing health problems and work, many turn to medications and other conscious numbing drugs and foods like alcohol as a solution.

Anything that distracts from the conflicts of guilt and anger can be abused and risk creating harmful obsessive behaviours.

For many of us, we end up responding to stress, the same as the fathers that failed us did. We become overwhelmed and over-emotional. Anger begins to get passed us as the pressures mount, and with a continued failure to meet the barrage of stressful situations in the stream of life, our agitation affects those closest. We begin to resent our situation. Life becomes a struggle of failing emotional management and unhappy relationships.

The problem with numbing consciousness, is that it also numbs any clarity. I could never deal with any of my issues while under the influence of anything. When medicated I was nothing more than a sleepwalker. At times I felt okay. But A false sense of wellness is like thin ice over a lake. Looks together on the surface but the cracks eventually begin to appear. And I always fell through.

A parent needs to be present. And it is possible to strengthen from stress rather than become ground up by it.

A few years ago I was medicated to stabilise my moods. It was the usual story of a change in meds giving me temporary relief. But Olanzapine, like most mood altering chemicals had me fast becoming a zombie. I was constantly exhausted, mentally I began feeling unstable as agitation started to become a real problem. I struggled to sleep. The constant anger rising was concerning me again.

I had no reason to be feeling that way. On the outside my life was good. Taking meds just turned me into a pressure cooker. I had a soon to be wife and stepdaughter at home relying on me as well as full time work.

As a recovered alcoholic I was more than aware of the sinking sand I was in. I began to look for anyone who could help me.

Out of pure chance I contacted a stranger through fb, whom gave the impression he knew what he was talking about when it came to spiritual stability. I instantly got angry at his brutal honesty with me. He was exposing my phoney wellness for what it was. I didn’t like that. In doing so he also exposed the problem, my anger. Everyone was getting my back up.

He left a number, and it was my wife who convinced me to call him back. The reason being he offered me a solution to the anger that kept getting past me. He didn’t try to sell me anything, or convince me of anything.

He simply pointed to a meditation exercise that led to a solving of his own problems. He told me that if I got free from anger, all the symptoms, like depression and anxiety would also fall away without any effort or struggle.

Sounded too simple. Although not convinced I was becoming desperate. I couldn’t stomach anymore therapy and didn’t want to find myself in the mental health system again playing with more medications.

All I was told to do when beginning the meditation was to ‘watch’ my thoughts, To observe them without being affected by them, he explained when I meditated I would be in a neutral position to do this. The most of my problems after all, are fed by my overthinking.

I have used this particular meditation now everyday since. I was able to safely come off the medication with the support of a doctor within weeks. My wellbeing and mental health improved drastically and rapidly after a short adjustment to a new state of consciousness.

It doesn’t mean life is not difficult, it just means I approach those difficulties from an awake and aware perspective. I deal with life and relationships differently.

All it took was an open mind and a commitment to a more spiritual approach to my problems. To practice conscious awareness.

The man who helped me became a good friend. He and his wife are one of the pairs of God parents to the triplets. Had I not crossed his path I believe my life would be very different now.

A very proud Godfather

So I pass this on to anyone suffering who needs a quick, permanent solution to anger, depression, overthinking, and other internal conflicts that are creating ongoing mental and physical problems.

If you are struggling and are still yet to find a solution. This may be the life changer you’ve been looking for.

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For a home to become a thriving environment for everyone, there needs to be a spirit of love at the centre of it. That doesn’t mean it will be without stresses and tensions. But if the stresses and tensions are met properly, with patience and tolerance, everyone has a chance to grow.

The challenges facing new parents can be overwhelming at times. I don’t believe our marriage would have survived had I not been willing to outgrow my fears and stay out of self pity. Not an easy job when suffering from lack of sleep while my wife was adjusting to her new role. And me mine.

As men we need to be prepared to take a back seat in the early days. My wife was so focused on breastfeeding and taking care of the Babies, she had no time to hear of my worries and doubts. At times I felt on the outside looking in. It was tough. I had to work while my wife and mother in law took care of the triplets. Through tiredness and being unable meditate properly I began to resent that I couldn’t be at home. Doubts about our relationship and future began to creep in. Luckily I was able to just observe those negative thoughts without reacting to them.

As Dad, I had a very specific role. It is to remain consistent. My wife and I discussed this earlier. Women go through all sorts of physical and emotional upheavals. Hormones play a part in the moods and stress, as do their own fears and doubts. I had to be awake to that. I’ve said before that nothing she threw at me was personal, even if it was.

She told me one of the things that got her through was that she knew I was solid. That I could take the strain when she couldn’t. To baton down the hatches during the rough moments, instead of biting into the temptation to retaliate was the best thing I could have done. The last thing she would have needed was seeing me overwhelmed and over emotional. A woman needs to feel secure when she feels anything but at times. There are always opportunities to talk clearly after the storms.

I have to be focused on what I need to do. For the sake of the family they need me strong. My job is to practice patience and tolerance. When I’m calm, the house stays calm. My wife is happy and my daughters feel that.

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Embarking on this blog was a decision made in sleep deprivation, Initially I was concerned I would forget the experience and wanted to document it. But what became apparent from day one of the discovery of triplets to this point, is that there is a very real problem.

A large percentage of families are not making it. Men, for the most are hit with all sorts of unspoken internal struggles with the experience of a pregnancy and arrival of a child. Yet there is little or no support, so men tend to suppress and push on while under the surface, fears and resentments remain unless faced.

I absolutely agree that depression in men is a serious debilitating symptom after a child is born. It is a problem that needs addressing for the wellbeing of a family. I don’t think labelling it ‘Post natal’ in men is correct. Simply because there’s a danger of implying the depression was caused somehow by the child. For a man suffering from unrecognised resentment, that anger can end up directed towards that child. The child is innocent, it is the improperly met stress of the situation that is the problem.

No matter how many children are involved or on the way, fears and doubts can arise about our own inadequacies, these failings can add weight to the already real pressures of dealing with a pregnant, hormonal wife/partner, looming financial strains and the coming life changes.

Ten minutes after the dating scan, in discovering three heartbeats, we were told reduction (termination of one, or two of the growing lives) was an option. And sent on our way with no landing equipment. They did explain to my wife there was a local fb group for multiple Mum’s, I asked if there was anywhere I could find experience or advice. My enquiry was met with an apology. I was on my own. I had no one else’s experience of what may be coming.

I eventually found multiple groups like ‘The multiple Dads sanctuary’ on fb. A community of Men dedicated to becoming better Fathers. It was a way to meet other Men who were living a high stress life with multiples. There is much support and advice to be found there. There are also other valuable triplet groups on fb.

Locally there is nothing for any expectant Dads. If you go into a pregnancy already struggling with mental health worries, the waiting time to talk to a professional is over six months in the uk unless you can afford private. I know because I looked.

The problem with writing about triplets is that everybody’s experience is different, I can never share beyond my own experience.

But there are guiding principles that Men rarely seem to discuss that can ease any situation before it deteriorates. Those of love patience and tolerance. These basic principles are becoming lost.

I am not an expert Dad, or a perfect human being by any means. I have much to learn, but I have also gained insight over the years in dealing with my own mental health and working with others. My willingness to improve is everything to my family. I hope, that if you are struggling as a parent and have just discovered this blog, you find use of my experience.

There is a thread that runs through the experience of most men, whatever their pregnancy situation, that being the pressure, the internal conflicts and external damage they cause a home environment and relationship. Men need to discover a way to remain conscious and present. Out of anger and fear without escaping to harmful solutions like alcohol or drugs.

I have suffered from, and recovered from many of the conflicts Men without guidance have faced during my life. I understand depression, it’s cause, and more importantly I’ve experienced it’s solution. And because of that I know that there is hope. Hope for Men like I once was, facing fatherhood who cannot shake anger. Hope for Men who’s resentments turn on them and disconnect them from the people they love.

So you won’t find promotions or advertising here, I make no money from this. It’s not why I do it.

I take the time to write and share of myself because there is hope a family can survive.

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Tomorrow the triplets will be 8 months old. I’m finding it more and more difficult to imagine how my life was before they arrived. It is as if every moment in my life led to the next, solely for the purpose of learning lessons, growing and evolving emotionally and spiritually to the point I was ready to be a Father. And although this was never planned. I was prepared for it.

When I step back and process our life over the last year or so, the road has definitely narrowed in every sense. There is nothing outside of my work and babies at this point. And the best thing is that i don’t resent that, i feel in my element, finally serving a beautiful purpose. There was definitely a time when i would have done though. But the difference of my life lived with faith, is that when the unexpected happens, it is always a opportunity to outgrow fear and doubt, no matter how tough the road in view may seem. It is a opportunity to strengthen.

The girls are thriving, not just the triplets, also my wife and Frankie. I’m not going to say it’s been easy, and I have had to learn a few hard lessons myself. If I have ever painted myself as a man who never waivers, it was not intended, I would challenge any man to deal with a triplet pregnancy and birth and not feel the sting of fear occasionally. But as a family we have stuck together. We made vows to God when we married that we would support each other through the hard and tough times. We have manage to keep love at the centre of the chaos. And it feels like it in our home now.

Frankie has had to deal with huge upheavals as a child, now at ten-year old she is beginning to deal with other pressures as she grows up. I’ve been aware that our relationship fell to the side a little since the arrival of the triplets. we used to have a bedtime routine of reading a story, saying our prayers and having little chats about things that were important.

Since the babies have moved into their own room we have began to have that time again. It’s incredibly important that we do. I’ve been showing her again, a way to not suppress the fears and worry she has been facing, and also been open about my failings with her over the last 8 months, that they were not at all down to her. But any impatience I displayed was down to feeling my own pressures at the situation. She is doing great, I’m so proud of her, she has a real strength, just like her Mum.

Stacey is still producing milk for all three. And also cooking, and blending all their meals and desserts. She is a phenomenal Mum, with a huge capacity for love. The girls are eating with much enthusiasm and less mess now. The rate of development is steady and sure, all three have very different little personality traits and facial expressions. Lacey loves blowing bubbles, Ava kicks and shouts a lot, and Blakely can’t stop smiling, my heart still explodes when i hold them. Unconditional love is real, it cannot be put into words, it is a spiritual grace that bonds us.

So it’s going as well as it can be i guess. We are all looking forward to the comimg spring as they love the outside, and to the next landmark of a year of their presence in our lives. It is an amazing path to be given, not one to be walked with anything but love. I wouldnt change a thing about my life right now. And for my family I am truly grateful.

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When I sit with the girls, and I see how crystal clear and awake they are right now, I see the most enlightened beings on earth. we all begin life this way, with a natural conscious connection to light. Free from anger, fear and judgment, before the pressures and corruption of the world get in.

It can become an overwhelming thought as to how much influence as a parent I have on their mental and spiritual well-being.

With a history of a few serious mental health problems, it was only normal during the pregnancy to experience a little fear rising around the possibility of one, or all of the triplets being affected somehow as a result of my genetic make up.

Thankfully I had already reached a point of understanding of the cause , and therefore my symptoms. There was always a little doubt though that I may pass something on.

I don’t believe I was born with the majority of what I’ve been treated, and medicated for over the decades. Despite what I have been told by well meaning professionals. For example , for a long time I looked at my fathers depression as something that was passed on , by some kind of physiological brain wiring. It wasn’t. Depression itself is only a symptom.

I wasn’t born with an overwhelming compulsion to put alcohol in my system, as much as I wasn’t born with a personality disorder. As with my anxiety, paranoia and depression, I discovered they were all just symptoms of a single cause. Non of my symptoms were passed on biologically.

But there is something that is passed on through family lineages. From generation to generation, an unseen force causing many forms of physical and mental deterioration. And in order to understand the only way I could affect my children, I have to be aware of the instigator.

Resentment.

bitterness, frustration, hate, annoyance, envy, impatience, intolerance, jealousy through to fear, it is all the same thing from the same place. It is spiritual in nature and is at the heart of all symptoms like depression. It’s passed on through family’s and without a defence will continue to wreak havoc.

The problems really begin when resentment energy is suppressed.

You may have heard the saying ‘you could literally feel the tension’. Babies especially pick up on this unseen energy. If I’m agitated, my girls feel it. They can’t see it, but it’s there, and as real as light. It un-settles and upsets them. If I was to spend each day around them, responding negatively to stress. Eventually my anger would become theirs. They wouldn’t be able to escape it. I would set them on a destructive path.

Once on the road of suffering internal conflicts, it is incredibly hard to get off.

It is why medication fails to do anything much but create a false sense of wellness. Most people get worse under the surface. You cannot treat a spiritual problem with chemicals, no matter what the good doctor tells you. They only mask over what’s causing the damage. In order to recover from what is termed as depression, the cause needs to be met. Even talking cures rarely do anything to remove the problem, sure, talking is a good thing, it temporarily alleviates symptoms.

But if your heading towards a cliff in a car that you can’t stop, calling a therapist to discuss how it’s making you feel isn’t going to stop the car from going over. The car needs to be stopped. The cause needs to be addressed.

For example, an alcoholics real problem isn’t alcohol, drinking is a symptom. The cause of the compulsion to drink and inability to control the amount is driven by anger/resentment. As is the cause of all uncontrollable obsessive behaviours. They begin as distractions from the conflict of suppressing negative energy, it almost always begins at home. It is why the ability to forgive has to be discovered.

So if I am to give my children a chance at a healthy existence, free from damaging mental health issues. I have to keep a spirit of love in my home. It’s my job as Dad. That starts by being aware of my own temptation to respond with anger in stressful times. An over emotional parent will rock the stability of a child to damage point. I have a lifetime of vigilance ahead of me.

I will be watching my girls development closely over the coming years, as I believe the majority of their wellbeing will be in direct proportion to my own ability to remain conscious, and stay out of resentment. Patience, love and tolerance must be at the centre of my life.

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I have been known on occasion to miss the odd important date. Since becoming a triplet parent I have forgotten quite a few appointments and the like. For no other reason than I have three babies at home.

(Having triplets hasn’t affected us at all)

Yesterday I missed another one. A date that was incredibly important to my wife, so it is 4am, Blakely has just had a feed and gone back down, so here’s my opportunity to share this occasion. I’m not in too much trouble as the babies have been ill the last few weeks so attention has been focused on staying present with home and Work.

Yesterday was in-out day. If you’re not aware of what this is, it is the day the babies have been out of Mum’s belly, the exact same amount of days they spent in there before arrival.

Stacey , this is for you…..

33w 3d In

– There were three blessings added to our lives, of which we had no idea,

I could never imagined the struggle you faced, though I saw light beyond the fear

For 33 weeks and 3 days, of the emotional tides, we balanced on the wake,

I know the physical changes you endured, were too much at times to take

Only you know the pressure of carrying 4 heartbeats, with 30 fingers & 30 toes,

but to carry them with such strength and love, underneath the fear, grace flowed

You grew three healthy lives without fault, through the tears and pressures abound,

My love you have no idea how proud I am of the woman before me now.

33 weeks 3 days out

– I held your hand so tight that morning, I needed to be strong ,

Our three little birds entered the world to happiness, dance and song

Reunited on the outside for the first time this is true,

But a bond had grown between us, there was love inside they knew

From the hospital we were hurled into our new life,

and from the day they were born I re-discovered my wife

From fear rose a strength, one that humbles me,

To see you with my children is every reason I became me

You have endured for us so much, too much at times I know,

But the woman I love, my triplet Mama, there is a strength in you alone,

And without doubt as we face the light,

love that exists under our roof will hold tight

Never doubt the ability you hold,

We have four blessed children here

who each shine

with a bit of your soul.

Xxx

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I wrote A little post on social media this week about the backwards, damaging idea that if a boy is mean to a girl it means he likes her. After which my ego popped up and asked who I thought I was, having the right to remark about any questionable behaviours with a past like mine. what gives me the right to write about parenting. I was definitely not a saint.

Now I don’t imagine there is a man or woman out there who has landed the mighty task of parenting who hasn’t felt the nudge of shame and guilt for past mistakes along the way at some point.

I would never be so arrogant as to make light of the person I was before now. I became a violent, self centred drunk after decades of struggling with mental health symptoms. The most important person in my life was always me. I was fuelled by resentment and fear. I caused many harms to many people over the years. I have since cleared up where I can and no longer live with the conflicts and anger I carried.

My wife and daughters have never seen me take a drink, or lose my temper. But I am always aware of what is behind me, I don’t hide from it or shut the door on it. Which is why my life must be one of continual improvement. I cannot make excuses for my failings anymore. I am either moving forwards or backwards.

I used to fear becoming a parent because of my mistakes and resentments. There are also childhood memories that brought fear to the idea I could ever be a Dad that would do nothing more than damage.

I didn’t arrive at Fatherhood knowing how it would be or how I would cope emotionally. No one really does. I just knew I had to be an example. And that meant forgiving. Shame is nothing more than resentment directed inwards, and I didn’t want anger to become a wedge in my relationships with my girls. I had to stop judging myself. I need a moral compass to work from.

So do I have the right to step up and question the behaviours and lessons I see, and show my children the right path ? Absolutely, because otherwise they will just grow up to be victims of my excuses.

I don’t want my children to make the same mistakes I made, I know the outcomes. I have a responsibility to them, no matter what the path my life took to show them the difference between right from wrong. So if I see it, I have no problem calling it.

Because I was that boy that was mean to girls, and grew into a man that damaged others, and I’m aware of the harms I caused.

My failings as a man can be my greatest teachings as long as I’m willing to acknowledge them. My children deserve as much from me.

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I have discovered first-hand over the last five years what is involved in parenting. From problem solving, nurturing, to discipline and encouragement. The job is huge and ever evolving (the Frankie we have now is not the same daughter we had a couple of years ago) . It is a role that needs a special approach, such as my willingness to grow with my children’s changes, and my full attention as a father.

There were times in the past I felt my own emotional pulls from Frankie’s attachment and talk of her ‘real Dad’. As understandable as it is for her to have that attachment, my pride took little hits occasionally as a step parent providing for her and stepping up to the role of Dad. That pride was just a fear of losing her approval down the road, a self-centred fear.

I was aware of how creeping doubts can create divisions in any relationship. So I needed to be aware of that fear in myself and not give it any attention. The last thing a child needs is a parent putting the untold weight of their need for emotional approval on them. It’s a suffocating burden of a void that a child can never fulfil. It’s why many children grow to resent the people who they are not supposed to feel that way towards. It creates deep conflicts.

I have always encouraged Frankie to talk to me about her Dad, I don’t want her to suppress anything that emotional, through fear of upsetting me, and Frankie carries that type of consciousness with her. She hates to see people upset, especially if she’s involved at all. We have a good relationship, one of respect, love and trust.

My relationship with my children requires it to be unlike any other relationship I will have. Especially as they grow and develop in their formative years.

My Dad sat me down on more than one occasion and explained that I could either be his best friend, or worst enemy. Those talks have stuck in my memory because I wanted neither of those choices as a child. I wanted someone in my life to guide and encourage me safely into the big wide world. Someone who believed in me.

I am not a Father to be a best friend, I don’t need my children’s approval. Love will be a natural side effect of my consistency and outgoing love, rather than any need my ego may want.

As a Father I also don’t have the right to force any prideful will into my children. I have been entrusted with them. They are not me and their paths will be different ones, as their own personalities begin to develop. I can only guide them and show them a path of love and courage in their early years while under my care. Nor am I here to assert control through self will. But teach right from wrong with loving discipline. There’s a big difference.

I am here as their Father, to be just that. An example of loving, caring authority in their lives. To practice patience, kindness and virtue. Not to take anything from them emotionally but only provide, so they may discover themselves with a confidence.

A parent is a role like no other. And I must treat it as such.

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The rate of separation and divorce caused by the stress of multiple pregnancies and births, especially in the first year are truly sad. It’s vital that if a family is to survive, Men more than ever, need to discover a way to endure, and subsequently step up to the toughest situation they will most likely ever encounter.

The strain of the arrival of one child can be enough to break a relationship In the early days. Marriages and partnerships fall prey to overwhelming resentment and fear. Sleep deprivation only fuels the flames of a stressful situation, as does rising pride and intolerance. And when a couple are struggling to cope, and anger and fear take hold at the centre of a relationship , It becomes an almost impossible situation.

Unless one, or both parents are able to pull back and open a line of communication, the wall is already in place, and can be incredibly hard to dismantle. The babies pick up on the nervous energy, become unsettled, and also suffer from the effects of an emotional instability under their roof. Everyone suffers.

As a member of a couple of multiple Dad sites. I can share with you one of the main pieces of advice given to expectant fathers, from men who have walked, and are walking this path,

‘Don’t get divorced in the first year, no matter what. Ride it out and see where you are when you make it to that point’

Gives you an idea of the seriousness of the event, and the emotional weight involved. It’s kind of scary to even comprehend what’s involved with multiples. To be in the middle of it is a whole different level of existence. And we are lucky to have three healthy girls. Our experience has gone as smoothly in that sense as it could go. Other parents have had a lot more to deal with than us.

When I began writing this blog it was simply to document my experience. Along the way my eyes have been opened to a sad reality. As difficult as it is for the parents, it is the children who will suffer the greatest from the breakdown.

It’s a common misunderstanding to point to an external situation as the cause of symptoms such as anxiety and depression. Even the children themselves are seen as the cause of a family failing. Sure, a traumatic experience can begin a cycle of internal conflicts and obsessive, destructive behaviours. But as big as some of those events seem,

Maybe it’s not so much the event, but the inability to meet it without becoming overwhelmed that causes the real damage and conflicts. How we meet these pressures in life determine which way they will tip us.

What a woman goes through to bring a child into the world is a huge mental and physical strain, men do not suffer the same which is why it’s our job to bring stability under our roofs, no matter what is thrown at us. Nothing is personal even when it seems that way, and it is going to get tough. So we need to be prepared.

We have to be conscious of of our situation. To be present and awake to what is happening and useful, rather than being constantly drawn into the negativity of it all, day in, day out.

There is always a underlying pull to retaliate with a loved one who is only struggling themselves. It’s when we are overwhelmed that we do and say things we don’t really mean, it’s usually from a place of fear.

So if a Man is able to step back when tempted to bite and react, if in those heated moments he can observe his own anger rising and not become affected by it. Then in that moment he can surely bring clarity and patience to any given situation during the day. No matter how big or irrelevant that moment may seem or how much other’s may be reacting.

Mum needs to know Dad can handle the situation, the family is counting on it.

I am in no way a man who doesn’t still get pulled into stress from time to time, But I have found a way to improve my home life through meditation. I don’t know a new multiple Parent who has time for therapy to talk about their problems at home. Medications as a way of coping only tend to make matters worse with depression. They just suppress the problems, the agitation continues.

The solution to recovering from depression and meeting daily stresses in the stream of life needs to happen quickly if a family is to thrive. When stress is met with grace, remarkable things happen.

Here’s a link to a 12 minute exercise that allows you to begin sharpening from stress. I hope you find this to be of use, if you can stick with it you won’t regret it, or will your family.

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Your child comes home from school one day and tells you that they have started doing a group meditation. You probably answer ‘that’s nice’ and continue with whatever job is at hand. Most likely never giving it another thought.

Mainstream meditation exercises, or visualisation/distraction techniques presented as mindfulness are fast becoming a social trend. Mostly adopted from Eastern practices of mindfulness. We have seized upon these practices without much understanding or regard as to how helpful they actually are to children, or more to the point the serious ongoing problems they can potentially cause an individual already suffering from overthinking and stress.

‘No meditation practice is a toy, all have spiritual consequences’

We seem to live in a growing society of ready acceptance, without ever really questioning what is presented. ‘If someone sais it’s helpful , it must be helpful’. As was pointed out to me once, having an open mind is good. But not to the point my brains start falling out. Questioning things should be encouraged in children, and us adults alike. Not everything is as it looks on the outside.

Many schools are now using guided meditations to supposedly help the children relax and de-stress . And a lot of parents have absolutely no idea of the practice their children are partaking in.

I don’t buy that encouraging children to believe in the idea that fantasising away from reality is in some way a solution to worry. It isn’t. Why is avoidance with more thinking and suppressing negative emotions now seen as such a positive activity. One that our children should be taking part in without question.

When my daughter came home telling us about her meditation a couple of years ago I asked her to explain it. She described closing her eyes and visualising putting all her worry thoughts in a tree where they will be taken away. She also explained that it was a bit silly. Smart cookie.

What she described was a suppression technique. Suppressing negative thought for positive ones. Sounds harmless but the long term effects of suppressing negative emotions creates a boiling pot. Nothing is actually being dealt with, simply pushed aside.

My introduction to meditation was through dialectical behavioural therapy while undertaking treatment for borderline personality disorder. Most mental health treatments and programs also now use mindfulness at the core of their treatments. It was nothing more than a suppressing/distraction technique, just another way to avoid the actual problems I was experiencing. An exercise that brought a false sense of wellness, along with a buzz from the hypnotic effect caused by focusing on breathing and fantasising away from reality, while the underlying stresses continued to tax me physically and mentally.

All the while, something in me became addicted to the idea I could fix all my problems through my thinking. It was like a powerful narcotic.

Many children suffer from a lack of concentration, mostly caused by distraction and overthinking in an ever stimulating world. Any parent with a child suffering from ADHD will be fully aware of this. So to introduce a practice of distraction and more thinking to any child disguised as a helpful tool, is nothing short of backwards. It makes no sense.

‘There are many types of exercises termed meditation’

I’m not here to promote a ‘ mine is better than yours’ deal. That would be ridiculous and serve no purpose.

If you have read any of my other posts referring to stress, you’ll be aware I practice a meditation exercise. It’s the reason why my daughter Doesn’t join in the group exercise at her school. Mixing spiritual practices and principles will have consequences.

I passed it on to her a few years ago at her request. She was going through a stressful time and felt it would benefit her. My wife has also benefit from this practice.

The exercise is one of conscious awareness. It’s not about suppressing thoughts or clearing the mind to feel warm and fuzzy. Far from it. It is a practice of observing thoughts that pass through the mind. Good and bad without struggling with them. It is a way to meet stress without becoming overwhelmed by it. In the present moment. To be aware of negative emotions without becoming affected by them. Not to run from, or bury them.