A list of the recently contacted people on Whatsapp & Viber. Friends. Family. Without who life would be utterly and completely useless. Thank you.

Sri Lanka. Qatar. Georgia. Maldives.

Countries I visited in the last 6 months. Thank you.

Airbus A380. Boeing 787. Qatar Airways. EASA Exams.

Career milestones. Thank you.

Awesome apartment. Easy work. Never ending leave. New places/New faces. Food on the table. Drinks to go. Hands to hold. Stories to tell. Big dreams. Exciting days. Blissful nights. Slow soft kisses. Warm Ocean waves. Cool winter breezes. Coffee in the park. more tech-gadgets than I know what to do with. Epic coworkers. Unlimited internet access Health. Wealth. Happiness in lovely little doses. Life itself. Someone to love. Friends (once again) (Special mention Anna) Safety. Security. that feeling of freedom you have when you KNOW everything is working out as planned and everything is fine. A nice big bank account (Big enough for little old me at least) the comfiest bed everrrrr which I shall crash on to in less than 15 minutes…

If that isn’t something to be thankful about, I don’t know what is. Thank you. For this glorious fraction in time that is my life…it is a blessing. Happy thanksgiving everyone. Count your blessings.

I knew her voice before she spoke. I could hear her whisper my name in a crowded sea of people. I saw the light in her eyes in the darkest of nights, and watched shadows fall across her face seated under those massive ancient trees you find shelter beneath during warm summer days

Life has a strange way of sneaking up on you and quietly taking from you the few things you swore to hold on to, Like the waves washing away silly hearts you drew in the sand together. It isn’t always sudden and gut wrenching; It isn’t blatant and abrupt. it is gradual, unnoticeable, gentle even…

Are we all that naïve? Does everyone at that age believe in happy endings and together forever? I guess so. if not I suppose I wouldn’t be staring at these wedding pictures like a dumbstruck idiot. This is not the ending I envisioned. But it is an ending nevertheless. A bittersweet ending and a blissful beginning. Perspective I suppose.

She once asked me if I knew what happiness was…I replied I wasn’t quite sure. She told me that happiness was a lie!!! Profound. Jaded. And perhaps (sadly) true! Strange that we know that nothing is forever and yet we strive to be happy in almost every action we do…

I remember the happiest moment we shared together. A gloomy windy night, curled up together watching “One Tree Hill” I distinctly remember it was Season 9, Episode 13…both “Unlucky” numbers and I thought to myself how terrible it was that such a blissful moment would coincide with such inauspicious numbers…However I do recall, with infinite fondness the following quote…and 10 years after…It suddenly makes sense…

Its been more than a year since I sat down and blogged about anything. I have dozens of unfinished drafts but not one single post that I have completed. My tiny fan base occasionally confronts me as to why I haven’t written anything and my excuse is simply that “I do not have the time” which is true enough in a certain sense, but more than that’s its far easier to explain than replying with the truth which is “I am uninspired”

My life has been good, to say the least, and my job has played a pivotal part in the happiness. It helps that I absolutely love my job, but today of all days I feel particularly blessed. and I’d like to share with you…my million imaginary readers, why exactly.

A year ago I was drifting on the blissful clear waters of the Maldives. Unchallenged, lazy, But content. Easy work days, Resorts and snorkeling during off days. Life was laid back and lovely! Today I am in Qatar, working for one of the most prestigious airlines in the world. Admittedly I love the bragging rights that come with working for an airline of this caliber, and the fleet is to DIE for! I have learnt SO much in these few months and I can literally feel my career growing towards my ultimate (short term) goal. And this is an awesome feeling. But not truly inspiring. Which is possibly the reason this post didn’t write itself 10 months ago when I came to Doha.

Doha in itself is yet to impress me. It is a young city and one just wiping itself clean of the sticky,messy, afterbirth! The modern Dubai like skyline is harshly ruined by old dusty eyesore buildings surrounding it. The lifestyle is torn between being a party paradise and an overly conservative society! People are varied and from different backgrounds but are still strangely disconnected and come off as largely impolite, majorly rude. But it does have its hidden little charms. Like Souq waqif where you can try out sheesha and catch up on a bit of the touristy culture. Or go for a desert drive or dune bashing as its called here…But this too is nothing note worthy. I spend my days watching box office movies at City Centre and trying out the hundreds of restaurants there for your picking…But as before this is by far anything but inspiring!!!

But after some pondering and some day long sobering up, I have come to realize that my happiness in life has never really ever been about the place I’ve been. I’m pretty sure you could drop me to the bottom of a well and if I had what I wanted…I’d be happy down there. Blissful. Ignorant. But happy.

People always ask me “How do you live away from Lanka so long”, “The Maldives is so boring…what did you DO in Male’ for three long years” , and since of late “OMG Qatar is just a desert isnt it”? Yes Male’ was boring, Yes Doha is essentially just a desert…but it was never about the place…It was ALWAYS about the people.

A few hours of loitering about my apartment and a huge hangover later…I am inspired enough to sit myself down and write about it. not to please you, my imaginary fan base, But for me to find many years from now, Read, and relive this feeling. Relish the moment gone by. To reminisce.

Doha is home because of my colleagues. My dysfunctional, Multi cultural, Absolutely stark-raving-mad bunch of people I work with. Yes of course we have the random asshole, but for a large part they make my work days just that much more entertaining. It is a pleasure to work with people smarter than you and to gain something for yourself by simply working beside someone. Work is not work if you enjoy it and with this lot that holds true!

Doha is home because of the A319. A320. A321. A330. A340. B777, B787 and in Jan the mammoth A380…because if there is anything that makes me feel at home, its sitting in, on top of, or under a plane doing what I love!

Doha is home because of “Skinny” who cooks for me and takes care of me and is eternally emptying my fridge for me! She is my childhood friend who was lost, now found and she is my link to the social world of clubbing and late nights and pretty girls! She is my unwilling wing-woman and my stable drinking partner. She is a true friend and one I am glad to call one of my own.

Doha is home because of Pretty V and my Blue eyed beauty and Tess and Anna and Sue. Nothing is more soothing than to curl up next to V, hold her hand and live in the moment. It is love. simple. sweet. satisfying. I will do nothing to complicate it and neither will she and together I shall remain happily by her side, knowing that I will always have a hand to hold or a shoulder to rest on when that’s what I truly need. My blue eyed Mila is my constant crush and dance floor addict. Without her, nights out are quiet and mellow…with her they are a blurry dancy riot…and that’s always a good thing! Tess and Anna add to the fun, Tess with her sharp strong ways and Anna with her absolute wit and charm and radiance!!! And last but not least Sue…who I apparently followed from the Maldives to Qatar to be with!

This is what makes Qatar what it is. Its not the Buildings or the views or the promise of a metropolis! It is the people who matter. the ones you love. the families we merge into.

Life is hard. Everywhere I look I am reminded of this. Relatives die. Cost of living soars, It never seems to get easier. Everyday is a uphill climb, everyday you lose something or someone. every second is one less moment of your finite life…and that is scary. unsettling.

But every once in a while, life gives you a break. A tough job completed on time at work, and a pat on the back. Or a few hours spent searching for shooting stars with someone who you truly love, quiet evenings at home watching movies or eating junk food with childhood friends, a night out dancing till your feet are sore, loud drunk parties, watching the sunset where the desert meets the sea, and suddenly…You are thankful. Thankful for the love people bestow upon you. Thankful for the hand to hold or the tight hugs that follow. Thankful to have been blessed with the opportunity to be here. now. with these people who you didn’t know existed a few months ago!!! it is truly amazing!!! I firmly believe that to be happy you need to count your blessings…mine are infinite and unending. and it brings me to tears. who do I thank? why do I deserve this bliss which is mine? The answers will always elude me.

I am inspired. And I hope someday the people who inspire me read this and know that you are the reason I am the eternally smiling Kaiser. Without you my life would be colourless. Without you I would be a desert.

Modern aircraft are engineering marvels employing the most up to date technology available to human beings (Excluding those secretive bitches at Area 51) These systems include fly-by-wire, fully powered control surfaces, digitally/electronically controlled ultra efficient engines, and advanced auto pilots which let real pilots get laid in-flight-in-the-cockpit while the plane flies to your destination. (Yes…airhostesses are dumb-sluts and it happens ALL the time) But getting back to the point…maintenance of these complex machines require highly skilled, dedicated, pure genius individuals like myself to ensure all systems are fully functional, operational, and available during the duration of the flight.

Aircraft maintenance engineers study for 2 years continuously with no sleep OR food in order to pass exams given to us by aliens who flew from LV-426 to earth (hence being the supreme-est flying beings known to us) and upon passing these exams which you mere mortals cant even imagine of getting through we are considered “suitable” to maintain the “airworthiness” of your planes. Maintenance can be broadly seen as carrying out checks, tests, and inspections of the one trillion systems available onboard to ensure that they function as required and if not are fixed, or are in an acceptable state (wont explode, fall off, melt) during the next flight. We employ many manuals to determine these things. AMM or Aircraft Maintenance Manuals which contain all the data needed to carry out maintenance on a plane. MEL or Minimum equipment lists which detail the minimum requirements needed to carry out a particular flight, CDL or Configuration deviation List which basically tells you which parts of the plane are allowed to fall off or be missing completely during flight and so on and so forth.

In addition to the above mentioned data we use many other alternate methods based on experience and industry based knowledge. One of the most widely used methods is the Rock-Paper-Scissor method which is extremely popular among airlines these days. To employ this method you need 3 senior engineers locked up in a conference room…using this method they can determine the most appropriate course of action to dispatch a crippled aircraft. The exact details of this method are a closely guarded secret but it involves meticulous troubleshooting skills and is used only by the most experienced personnel employed within an airline.

Another popular method used in the cockpit is the voice-command-based instruction set. in this procedure the cockpit is cleared of all unwanted, non-essential personnel and the engineer reads out a variable list of commands to reset computers and systems using the cockpit voice recorder interface. Commands include “Reset you fucking piece of shit”, “fucking-shit-piece computer WORK dammit”, and even some customer specific commands which can be programmed in ones local language, eg: “vesigey pariganakaya reset veyallah” (Translation: prostitutes computer reset NOW)

For external components such as engines, landing gears, and control surface actuators, mechanical maintenance methods can be used. Violent blows with a hammer or other hard objects, kicking or shaking violently coupled with above voice based commands can be used. In extreme cases the self-fixing-method can be used, whereby a component is thrown on the concrete ground or against a wall in an attempt to let the component fix itself using the energy imparted by the velocity suddenly becoming zero upon reaching the floor/wall. However this method is highly dangerous and requires an industry expert to be executed.

Minor faults can be cleared using circuit breaker resetting; Each system has a related electrical circuit breaker which resets that particular system, resetting this causes the computer to “reboot” thereby clearing spurious warnings. If this method fails one can reset many CB’s across many systems thereby confusing the computers and causing them to revert into “WTF-Mode” which in most cases clears all faults AND prevents any other faults from being displayed until the plane is airborne after which it’s the pilots problem and engineering is vindicated.

However like all things nothing is 100% and the chances are something very VERY important can always fail in flight in which case you have a few minutes to use a reliable pencil to write down a small note to a loved one (which they probably wont get). But know that in your fiery fall to doom it was all your fault. Given the reliability of simple household items such as hair dryers, microwave ovens, and personal computers, you DECIDING to fly was a phenomenal flaw on your part and hence your personal lapse in judgment led to your demise. You have been warned. You have seen the signs, the writing on the wall…the rest is up to you. Ayubowan. *evil grin*

“The only constant in life is change”…Einstein said that. When you think about it, its completely true…People change, for better, for worse; Your environment is constantly morphing around you, even you are constantly undergoing metamorphosis! But more often than not we tend not to notice these changes, they play along and we accept them as normal. Friends come and go, People grow up and move away, Governments and policies change…Like a glacier in constant motion we trudge along, oblivious to everything around us. Numb to the little things in life. Until something abrupt and sudden jarringly forces you to acknowledge the life you take for granted.

My Sunday nights are usually spent hanging out till late at this suave little café’ called “Oxygen”. It’s this cozy dim lit place in the Maldives, with a partial view of the sea and the airport, with square wooden tables and colourful cushioned couches. We had a “regular” spot with seating for three. We would meet up at 10pm and have mocktail mojitos and Oreo cheesecake till the early hours of the morning and go home feeling dazed and drowsy coz our bodies were begging for sleep! We have no proper “Hellos”… you just pull out a chair, seat yourself and start talking…Conversation was random and aimless and usually consisted of us bitching about work or life or each other! Free wifi ensured we updated our Facebook check-in and showed each other pictures of places and faces on our phones. The night ends with a casual goodbye and mocking comment and we all go our separate ways…this was the routine. Normality.

I think back on those hundreds of outings and it breaks my heart. There is SO much I would have done differently, so much I SHOULD have done differently but its not in our nature to appreciate till something is gone. Our hellos should have included a hug, our conversation should have been about each other and how much we valued the company and kind words in times of need. If I could go back I’d tell you that it was friends like you that made living in the Maldives away from family and old friends worthwhile. that you ease the pain and make life a lot less lonely. I would have told you how pretty you looked and how much I adored your bratty giggles and snide comments! I would have hugged you tight and said I love you when saying goodnight, if only I had known…

I think back on things and I cant recall the way you looked the last time I saw you, when things were normal…and it kills me that the last image of you is one of you hooked up to a machine, with tape on your eyelids and tubes all over you. Its just not right. I cant believe we don’t have a picture together….just you and I…doing a goofy pose or whatever! How the fuck did we not take ONE picture together? were we in that much of a hurry that we couldn’t find a split second to take a snap together? Strange. Annoying. Heartbreaking. Its still all a blur, one confusing mess with no proper answers. fever, coma, liver failure…it makes no sense. but then again why bother. Our story ended just as soon as it started.

Today would have been your 25th birthday if I’m not mistaken. I don’t even know that for sure. And if you were here I’m sure we would have gone for one of our late night coffees since its my off day and all. We would have laughed and screamed and bugged each other and ate till we couldn’t breathe…yes…that’s exactly what we would have done! There would have been chocolate cake and maybe a tiny gift to mark the occasion! But now it’ll just be a quiet lonely evening. Empty. Cold.

Life is not fair. This is the prime example of that. But in dying you have taught me SO much. I swear I’ll live my life just that much better knowing that nothing is forever and that I too once took SO much for granted! Never again. Never! Strange that your last words to me were to “be nice” as if you knew it would have some profound impact on me!!!! These little things are what keep me up at night, questioning. lingering!

Happy Birthday my sweet sweet Arafa. May angels lead you in and may you be forever 24…radiant. full of light and goodness and kindness far beyond that of a us normal people! I miss you SO much…

Do they know the truth? She asked. That the tablet of Ammisaduqa outlined the lead up of events that would lead to the beginning of the end? Had anyone bothered to try to decrypt the parts that made no sense to the modern day scholars? Nonsense about the coming of darkness and end of time! Its just a mad mans ranting on stone slab they said…the transit of Venus is a perfectly normal, predictable, astronomical event!!! It is merely the passing of the planet between the sun and earth…its not some sign from the devil! Its not some mystical phenomenon that opens the gates of hell.

Venus or the morning star was said to be the name given to the fallen. cast into the depths of hell for his sins against god. Bound by the weight of his misdeeds. left to rot and burn for eternity. But Lucifer was not easily caged. He knew that with time, over eons and eternities, his cage would weaken and there would come a time when he could be freed. But one does not simply walk out of such a cage. No. one would need the heavens to align to the darkness to fall upon this prison…not much…just enough to blot out some of the light, to let the shadows in.

In his caged condition Lucifer was weakened greatly. left vulnerable to Baal and his wars for power. Hell might be a cold dark waste land but to Baal and the remaining 5 princes of hell it was home. a Kingdom to be ruled. And it was…Baal successfully led an attack against Satan and conquered much of the third realm…but with the passing of the morning star this matters not. For the ultimate prize, the one thing all seven princes of the nether realm want…is to wreak havoc on earth. and their time is now.

It is said that the gate will open in Jerusalem. On the first full moon after the passing of Venus. Death and darkness will sweep across the land in preparation for this event…war, corruption, lies and deceit…Men of the sword will rise and hold power. Innocent blood will be spilt, and when enough sacrifices have been made in the name of men the first three shall pass through the gates of hell into our world….

Mammon, Satan, and Leviathan will swarm the realm with greed, wrath, and envy…whispering into the listening ears of the rulers, poisoning their minds, and coaxing them into bloodshed…more wars will ensure the dark shadows hold their sway and delay the defense by the angels. Men will be drunk with power, free to do as they please and answer only to themselves.

When the world reaches this stage the second wave will begin…lust, gluttony, and sloth. Powerful people will revel in their winnings, bathe in the spoils of their wars and Asmodeus, Baal, and Belphegor will thrive in the dark. At this stage many will see the change in the world and realize the terrible darkness they have unleashed but it will be too late…

By now the cage will be cloaked in darkness, the screams of the undead resonating and pulsing through the dark realm…Angels will have been weakened and with none to bind him down or retard his escape Lucifer the morning star, the bearer of light will emerge from the gates of hell…the end of days. the beginning of the end.

“You were warned, but heed you did not…for it was told that when the morning star crosses the path of the sun, the time shall be nigh and the seven shall walk into your house and smother you in the darkness”

She is flawed. Broken and damaged. Confusion is her middle name, self suffering her past time. Her faith in herself boarders worthless. Her confidence does not exist. her very life, in her opinion is merely the passing of days without her dying physically. on a emotional scale however her demise has begun.

She hides behind a façade, one that she has perfected over the years, through the torment that was school, to her hard life at uni, and even one she crafted to survive her time in her own house. She smiles but her eyes are remain lifeless and dull. The windows to her soul remain clouded. Her tears are those of rage…of anger and hate…not of sorrow. not of hurt. those are emotions she knows no longer. She is hardened. Tempered beyond the simple emotions that most of us indulge in.

Her words are snide and sharp. conjured up by her weary mind…she no longer speaks from her heart for that would make her seem naïve. She makes sacrifices not to please others or resolve conflicts but merely to punish herself. It is her fate she thinks…she believes in a past existence she has wronged someone so terribly that it is her destiny to live this half-life she calls her own. There are no happy endings. No silver linings. only pain and dark clouds.

She no longer has room for dreams. she manages with the cruel hand life has dealt her. She no longer takes chances, for chances are what dreamers take. Her fate is sealed. there is no turning back and no other options…her life is one tracked…straight to more misery. She settles for what she has, and doesn’t argue about what she deserves. The fight in her is dead..the fire no longer burns…even the embers are turning to ashes with every passing day.

She is perfect. Glowing. Radiant. Brilliant and beautiful. Her eyes glow with determination and drive. her vibrancy is breath taking. I cannot help but steal fleeting glances of her…taking in minute doses of her! Her hair flows over her shoulders like a black smooth waterfall. She smiles and my heart stops when I see her dimples! She is my everything. I am blessed to have her by my side. She catches me gawking at her and sits herself down next to me and looks at me…silently asking the question “WHAT”?!?!

I smile back as the words drift around my head…how do you explain that you noticed the tiny birthmark on her forehead…or the smallest of scars just below that? How do you tell her that her every movement makes you want her more….that you adore her every action…that her every expression is etched into your memory forever? You cannot. So you smile like an idiot cup her face in your hands and lie…”Nothing”

One look into her deep dark eyes and you can, in an instant, tell how she feels or the general gist of what she’s going through. The clarity her eyes reveal is amazing at times. Bright and full of mischief when she is in a great mood, Calm and glowing when she is generally happy…and glazed with tears when everything is not going well. She speaks from her heart. Always. Everyday. There are no walls to hold back part of the truth, no need to conceal the facts or her train of thoughts…she will answer you with honesty and truthful insight to any question you ask of her. She speaks of her fears of ending up unhappy and shares her dreams of travelling the world on a shoe string budget!!! we laugh about living off hot dog stands in new york and getting plastered on sake’ served by a Mr. Miyagi lookalike in Japan. I love conversing with her…its so wholesome and enlightening. I could live my whole life seated in a comfortable chair overlooking the sea and talking for hours at end with this one. That is my dream.

She is going to save the world someday. Well…not the WHOLE world obviously…but at least the parts she has some say in! she refuses to turn a blind eye to injustice, to poverty. to suffering. she will make a difference. she will lend a hand. that is the life she chooses for herself. Strange that I say it’s the life she has chosen for herself when in all honesty she has chosen to serve others. She is blessed. and she shall give back to the world as much as she can so long as she can. I admire her. She is kind to her fellow human. She is of noble intent. She is someone to look up at. I wish I could care as much as she did about the world. I truly do.

I reflect on how life changes us. how things take their toll on us and wear us down. We were all dreamers once upon a time. All of us. We were going to do great things. Lead great lives. and then somewhere down the line. we stumbled, fell, and never really recovered. Failure. Relationships. the loss of something or someone…whatever the reason, something dealt us a cruel blow which we refused to get up from. We rarely see it ourselves. We feel is slightly…but we never really see how far we’ve fallen from our former selves. Its not like looking into a mirror…the changes don’t manifest themselves as clearly. But for an outsider the contrast in character is shocking. It is brutally heartbreaking if that outsider is, was, and always has been in love with you.

I am faithless by nature but if I did speak to a god, I would ask but one thing…fix her. give her but a glimmer of hope. relight what has been smothered and left to die….for in that soul once was pure passion and relentless determination…and to see that waver is to let the world and everything she touches, turn to darkness.