March 19, 2009

Last week, I attended Day 1 of the Love Systems Pick-Up Boot Camp. They've been around since the beginning of the dating science community (and hold the joint copyright on The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women into Bed) and hold these bootcamps where some of the world's best pick-up artists teach techniques to help hapless dudes "attract beautiful women in any situation." As a huge fan of "The Game," I was psyched to get a window into the insulated world of the master PUA.

Although I was prepared to be grossed out by mouth-breathing nerds, most of the boot-camp attendees were relatively good-looking and seemingly socially adjusted. And while I would never have gone home with any of these guys knowing that they were using their pick-up voodoo on me, I have to admit that a lot of the routines, as delivered by the experienced instructors, would totally have worked on me in a bar.

Sadly, we didn't stick around to see the guys field test openers like "What's better, a safari party or an '80s-themed party?" but I found myself nodding in agreement enough to know that at least some of the knowledge imparted could actually be useful in helping you attract women. And as an official owner of two X chromosomes, who better to judge than me?

1. The knob/switch attraction theory

For men, attraction is a knob that can be switched on and off. You see a woman and you are either attracted to her or you're not and once the switch is flipped on, it's not likely to flip off again. Even if you approach and find out she has a laugh like Fran Drescher and the IQ of a cheese sandwich, you're still going to want to have sex with her.

Women, on the other hand, have more of an attraction knob. You approach, we're neutral. You say something clever, the knob turns up a little. You mention Dave Matthews Band is your favorite group, and the knob goes way down. The good news for you is that while our fates are mostly sealed by our hip-to-waist ratios, your attitude can change our opinions of you at any time, and attraction can grow.

2. You only have three seconds to approach.

Whether we show it or not, we women always notice when you hover around trying to work up the nerve to say something. From the moment you notice a girl with interest, you have approximately three seconds to actually approach her before you start to seem both creepy and gutless.

3. Talk a lot.

According to dubious but oft-quoted statistics, women speak about 20,000 words a day and men speak only about 7,000. Whatever the exact numbers, women are certainly more known for being communicative than guys. And we're guessing the strong, silent types rarely picked up women at bars. So be prepared to talk way more than is natural for you during the pick-up process.

4. Rejection isn't personal.

You would never let a stranger convince you that you're bad at your job, would you? So why let the same stranger make you feel unattractive or unlikable? Maybe she's having a bad night and wants to be left alone, maybe she has a boyfriend or maybe she's just not interested in you. But whatever the case, she doesn't know you and her rejection isn't an indicator of your value.

5. Go first.

People reflect back at you what you throw at them. If you act like you're old friends, she'll act friendly to you. If you act like an awkward stranger, well, prepare for a lonely night.

6. Give her a strong direction.

OK, I'll admit this sounded kind of sexist at first, but I am 100 percent behind the idea of dudes manning up and taking control in a date situation. That means don't make her figure out where you're going to go and what you're going to do on a date; have a plan.

7. The "yes and" approach.

Whenever a woman tries to say something negative or tease you, agree with her. For example:

Her: "That shirt makes you look gay."You: "That's because I am super-gay. I made out with like 20 guys already tonight."

8. She's not being a bitch, she's being cautious.

In this society, women hold the power in most romantic interactions. We're the ones who decide if and when sex is going to occur and that gives us the upper hand ... until we actually do the deed. And then all the power shifts to you males. So keep that in mind next time you think a girl is being standoffish for no reason. We're just protecting ourselves.