You’re in a club, and you see her. And she catches your eye as someone who fits you like a glove. She has all the right moves, the right breast to hips ratio, the right look in her eyes, she’s got it all.

You can feel the pull, but you can’t make yourself to go there and RISK the possible rejection, humiliation and the inevitable feeling of being a loser if she just brushes you off.

And on top of that, what you are going to say, right? I mean, you know how to make small talk but how to make her to actually want to keep talking to you?

It probably happened to you more than once that you saw a girl you really liked, but you were either to scared to walk up to her and approach her, or if you did go there - you turned into a nervous wuss bag.

I know it happened to me more times than I would like to admit, but let me show you exactly how you can deal with it so you’re more confident when approaching a woman in the future.

Several Levels Of Confidence

There are several levels of confidence, of course. From that confidence you need to approach a woman for the first time, to that confidence that you feel inside yourself as a man.

Today I want to present both - in a way. I want to combine two kinds of confidence to give you a blueprint for being confident when approaching a woman.

There are couple of steps I’ll have you go through, but I want to make a promise - IF you do what I’m about to share with you, you WILL be more confident when approaching women.

Now take me up on my promise.

Ok, so let’s start from the beginning.

Step #1: Notice Your Mind

As you’re standing there, looking at her, understand that your MIND is your enemy. Your mind is telling you all those things will happen, from her rejecting you to you feeling like a loser.

Your mind wants to protect you, but it also wants to mess with you. It’s kind of like when you want to wake up at 6am and go for a run, but your mind tells you to stay in bed because it’s too cold outside.

Your mind is the big enemy of your confidence and your success in anything. It is always there to work as a doubtful voice in your head, convincing you not do go ahead with something.

However, while most guys try to REPRESS that voice, I want you to LISTEN to it. I actually want you to pay very close attention to what that voice is telling you.

If you’re like most guys, your mind is probably saying something like,

She’ll ignore you and reject you

You’ll get nervous and insecure and won’t know what to say or do

Others will see you and think you’re a loser

The first step is to LISTEN to what your mind is saying. And then, use my secret weapon for dealing with it.

Step #2: Acknowledge Your Mind

To give you an example of how this works, let’s say you’re at work or in school, and some dude walks up to you and starts an argument with you.

And let’s say you argue back. You say, “Who you’re calling an asshole, me? I’ll show you an asshole…”

Now tell me, based on your life experience, what will probably happen if you respond like that? Will the argument die down, or will it escalate?

Based on my experience, this kind of response would probably escalate the argument. It would grow stronger and stronger, because your RESISTANCE GIVES IT FUEL.

Now let’s take the same situation and let’s say you respond to it in a different way. Instead of reacting to it, you respond to it by saying, “O I’m an asshole? Well, thanks for sharing…”

What would happen now? Is the guy going to continue, or let it go?

Obviously there’s no point in arguing with someone who is ACKNOWLEDGING and ACCEPTING what you have to say, and isn’t responding back.

So the guy would probably let it go.

And that is the SAME MECHANISM that you use when dealing with your mind. Instead of fighting it and resisting it, you THANK IT FOR SHARING.

Make sense?

So when you’re standing in there looking at her, and your mind goes, “She’ll reject you, ignore you and you’ll look like a loser in front of everyone here…” you say to it, “O really? Well thanks for sharing.”

This confuses the mind and takes away all the power from it.

Step #3: Be Willing To Fail

The next step is you need to connect to your man side for a moment. Up until this point, you were noticing the sensations and thoughts in your body. You were connected to your feminine side.

That’s right. Every one of us has a feminine side in us. Every time you feel like crying, that is your feminine side. Most guys are taught to repress their feminine side, and to just “Be tough” and “Man up”. While that can be useful sometimes, it generally creates more problems than if you accept and acknowledge it. In the above example, you’ve learned how to acknowledge and accept your mind, instead of repressing it. That’s feminine, and that’s why it works.

And now you need to connect with your man side again. NOW you need that drive to prove, to overcome a challenge, to accomplish a goal.

And being willing to fail is one of those things that you need to do as a man.

She is there. You are here. For you to talk to her, you need to walk over there and RISK failure. You need to be willing to RISK that she doesn’t like you, that she doesn’t want to talk to you. RISK that others see you as “Ha, look at that guy embarrassing himself when that girl rejected him”

That’s part of being a man.

And you know what’s ironic about it?

IF you are willing to fail, and don’t care about the consequences that much, you get in touch with that aggressive part of you, which make a woman LESS LIKELY to reject you.

In other words, you show BALLS.

And women love balls. Metaphorically and in the real world. They really do. Just not that old dudes balls that are hanging like a dry sack of potatoes. That’s just nasty.

But you get the point.

Be willing to fail. Accept failure. Be OK with failure. Invite failure into your life. CHALLENGE failure, ask for it and say “Give me your best shot”.

One final thing I want to say about risk taking is that it is much easier to do something you’re not sure how it’s going to turn out, if you know that what you’re doing is THE RIGHT THING.

So look, approaching a woman you really want to talk to IS THE RIGHT THING for you to do. And you know this on a gut level. So every time you feel that fear and feel uneasy about walking over there and saying something, say to yourself, “I am willing to go there and fail, because it’s the right thing for me to do”Say that couple of times out loud, and just notice how you feel.

Step #4: Build Confidence

Here’s the thing with confidence - we all have it, but we tend to put things that make us feel confident in the back of our mind, and things that we are insecure about in our forefront of our mind.

So for example, if a guy is shorter than most tall guys, he’ll focus ONLY on his (lack of) height - and even though he has 72 others things going on for him like intelligence, nice income, sense of humour - he will feel insecure in front of a woman.

And here’s the biggest secret of all - ALL guys do this.

If a guy is tall, he’ll find something else that he DOESN’T HAVE to focus on, like income or intelligence or the fact that he isn’t as cute as other guys.

So it’s CRUCIAL that you put stuff that you have going for you in your forefront and KEEP IT THERE especially when you’re in front of a girl.

So here’s what I want you to do:

Take a sheet of paper and on top write, “What I have going for myself that makes me better than the rest of the guys is…”

And give me 20 things that you have going for you.

Honestly, when I first did this, I hardly came up with 10. Today, I can come up with 100 just from the top of my head.

Why?

Because I trained my brain to not think of my weaknesses when I’m with a girl, but to think of all the things I have going for me.

Make sense?

You’re going to read your list 2x per day for 10min out loud, if possible even record yourself and listen to it often.

You want to come to a point where if I woke you up at 2AM with a cold bucket of water you’d know how to recite me your 20 things.

And one final thing, when you make that list, wear your qualities with confidence. Have slight arrogance about yourself when you’re in front of a girl.

Have this “Girl, I have a lot of going for myself and you have to up your game to be with me…” attitude when you’re approaching them.

Step #5: Talk With Women

Relax man, you’re not jumping on a gator. It’s just a woman. I know it can be scary at first, but after a while you’ll see that all women basically feel the same and have the same needs.

After they want all the rockstars and gazillionaires, women just want a guy they can talk to and have some fun with.

So relax. Remember you are worth enough. No matter what the society made you believe, you are worth enough to talk with her.

So when you approach her, just focus on the conversation. Have fun with it. And if it doesn’t work out, that’s fine to. There will be another girl, and another, and another. So you’ll have plenty of other opportunities to talk with them.

What’s important is that you get going with your journey of talking with them, and you’ll get better over time.

So let’s recap:

Next time you’re in a situation when you want to approach a girl:

Notice what your mind is saying when you want to approach her. Don’t try to repress it, LISTEN to it.

ACKNOWLEDGE and ACCEPT what your mind is saying by saying “Thank you for sharing” to diminish it’s power. Don’t believe it, just acknowledge it.

Be WILLING to fail. Challenge failure and step up as a man to do something you’re afraid of doing. Be willing to fail and do something you find scary, because it’s the right thing for you to do.

Get CONFIDENT by making a list of things you have going for you. Read that list at least 2x per day for 10 min, and if possible record yourself while reading it and listen to it often. Come to point where you have that slightly cocky and arrogant attitude about yourself.

TALK with women. It’s easier than you think. Women like men. They’ll like you too. If it doesn’t the first time, you’ll have more opportunities in your life. Just get started.

Now right now, take a sheet of paper and begin with step one. Think of a situation when you couldn’t approach a girl, and go through these steps. I promise you’ll feel different.

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Hey I'm Omir, the guy behind VC, the author of The Natural's Way book, and here to help you liberate yourself from your fears, limitations and insecurities, so you can become amazingly confident with women.