HEARTC♡RE

Our tour stop was a couple days ago and oh my god was it amazing! (a couple weeks ago now because I never got to posting)

But let me start from the beginning of the day so we have some context. We had a website/head shot photo shoot at work the same day. I spent Monday and Tuesday stressing over pedicures, makeup, and outfits. In the end, I looked the same way I always do- UGLY. But, okay I'll take that, no big deal.

But then it was time to see my head shots and pick which one I liked best. :) Hhhhhh. . . . like ugly and chubby is one thing- but I was on Shrek levels. Like those photos.. . . is that what I really look like to you all?

My sister didn't work that day and I was of at 5PM. I asked her to come a little before that and she could wait for me in the car or in the office. She uber'd there and arrived around 5:15- doors opened at 6:30 and we had general admission. I was also on E so then we spent another 15 minutes getting gas around the corner. We then did a lot of circles around The Center Stage because there was a hell of a lot of traffic and no parking. We finally parked and were the last of VVIP to get in. On top of that I took another ten minutes to get Ravi tickets (avoided online fees and saved $45 & I AM PUMPED). Though I don't think it made a difference in where we were standing. The show wasn't sold out :( but it wasn't a bad audience and trust me there were enough endorphins to go around.

We waited for around half an hour and when they came out I genuinely started crying. It was such a great moment.

The members at the show in a few words.

inseong- underrated visual, pink haired, mind blowing vocals (his solo is the only performance i recorded the whole way through), loud & playful

youngbin- reserved and quite, definitely exuded leader qualities, taken aback at the cheers for Jaeyoon, stared into the distance a lot, didn't look in my general vicinity (still my bias lmao)

jaeyoon- confident, passionate, . . . sexy??, part of the up-to-no-good-duo with inseong, a LOT of stage presence

dawon- silly, but more quiet than I expected, definitely a cutie, my heart ached with the few words he said to us

zuho- could tell he loved the crowd, passionate rapper, my sister and the woman next to her got extra loud when his parts came on

rowoon- we know this, but so handsome and tall. the SWEETEST member, stayed in the corner but would dance and play around for the audience

hwiyoung- lil cutie, was my babydaddy till i found out he was a child and i rather not go to Korean jail. still had his superior hair cut.

chani- quiet lil cutie too, up against rowoon for quietest member, captured my sister's heart half way through and cheered for him loudly the rest of the show. the reason we know sf9 is because someone at my brother's school told him he looked like Chani (O Sole Mio era).

The whole show was great from beginning to end and i did not want it to end. like i can't believe I got to see one of my bias boy groups. they also played a lot of songs from Sensuous so that was freaking great. one of the songs they performed that propelled it to my top sf9 songs was 'Life is So Beautiful.' Some songs can be really good, but not until you hear it live and really feel it are you like yes yes this is it.

Did I mention Inseong's Versace solo? Monsta X also covered the song so I was almost trying to hear that in my head, but he definitely made it his own. (I recorded vertically because let's face it we all watch on our phones anyways)

Every song was good, like I want to mention a specific song and how the hype got so big for it but then i remember it also happened to another song and the whole thing was just us getting hype song after song.

Hi Touch- I learned my lesson with MX and was like girl FOCUS on what's in front of you. Inseong was the first one and as soon as we turned the first corner he was there and I just wow, could not have imagined a more beautiful being. and this goes to all of the members. hhhhhh. and bitch there was NINE OF THEM- NINE. But the point of the initial photos at work introduction was to say that i felt slightly uncomfortable doing hi-touch because i had to force sf9 to look at my ugly ass :/ like ..... hhhhh. we went to dinner after and i was trying to stop thinking about it, but it was actually difficult.

We also got signed posters as VVIP. I need to finish my album collection too. Also, ya'll wanna know something DUMB. I went to the KPOP store a few weeks ago to get Ravi's latest album and had the budget for a couple more and ended up getting a random album- BECAUSE I HAD FORGOTTEN ALL ABOUT SF9'S LATEST ALBUM. LIKE I COULD'VE HAD IT BUT IM A FRAUD.

Anyways, overall the concert was great although I do feel a couple of the members seemed distant. But that also could just be me looking too hard into it- tours are tiring and demanding and that is already enough without the added language barrier.

I've always been super grateful for having amazing and supportive parents. They're the reason I have been able to travel, live abroad, and graduate college debt free. None of it has come easy, and they have made so many sacrifices to be able to make that happen. Because of all their help (heart heart heart) I've never really had any responsibilities/burdens that would hold me back from being able to, say, quit conventional life and live off the grid in the Appalachians.

Until now because I just bought a new car - whoop whoop-.

I know, pat on the back for doing something everyone does. But I really am happy and excited. . . and nervous. As my first real financial burden, best believe money feels a tiny bit different now and my budget is laid out beautifully color coded on an excel sheet.

Nando in 2014. university parking pass here and new car has an office building parking pass.

My parents bought my ole' lil' Honda so I could get to and from school back in 2012. It's been a nightmare lately so it was definitely time to move on. I had car anxiety just making my 9 mile commute to work. The Honda's radio turned off/locked when I went to Oman the first time back in 2015. . . . didn't have the code to unlock it so I went almost 4 years without music coming from my speakers. When I bought my car last Saturday, my siblings (brother) inherited my terrible car by default. Guess who fixed the radio the next day??? FOUR YEARS I WENT WITHOUT IT AND IT WAS FIXED SO QUICKLY.

*sigh* Oh well.

Now I can listen to music! Ride over bumps on the road without thinking I'll die! Feel comfortable turning on the A/C & heat! Feel comfort sitting in that 5PM traffic.

I'm living the next several months simultaneously stressed and excited. Every KPOP group . . ever, has decided to embark on a US tour this spring/summer.

April 24th, we are going to see SF9 here at the Center Stage. We have VVIP tickets so we'll have Hi-Touch and a signed poster included. . . AH. SF9 is my second bias group so you can imagine how I'm feeling. I know one of the members, Zuho, did not participate in the latest album release because of health issues. With the concert only one month away- I hope that he is able to make it. I need to get their official light stick too, but I'm just not sure if it's something I'm able to do at the moment.

May 12th, Ravi from VIXX -my solo bias- is coming to Atlanta too. In this case he will be at the Loft at Center Stage. You guys.... the beginning of 2018 was ALL about Ravi as you can tell from a post from that time period. He has also just released another mini album. I have yet to dive into it, but I have the physical album and he truly outdid himself. It's quite literally a piece of art. Tickets haven't gone on sale yet so I need to scrap up some coins.

May 19th, exactly a week after Ravi, the gang and I will be in NJ for BTS first stadium tour! I didn't post anything in September, but my sister and I traveled to NJ for their Love Yourself tour. This was a financial sacrifice for me, but my sister would have done anything to go, so why not. Last year we we're able to get P1 standing general admission, but this year we will be seated and Yuri will join us! I am excited for their new album (which has a record amount of pre-orders) and will make sure to keep it on replay.

July 30th. . . my children- MONSTA X will be playing at the Fox Theater. Tickets go on sale in a couple days and I am NERVOUS. I have a friend (who I met last year when I camped for MX tickets) who will also be camping out and I just found out Yuri will be able to camp out too!!! So I hope one of them will be able to score P1 tickets (whopping $249). I'll be at the office when they go on sale (4PM) so I'll try to ticket (and ask my coworkers). Wish me luck!! AH.

September 21st, we are going to see Marina at the Roxy (down the street from me!) 1. I am going to relive my college days. 2. Her latest singles have been so good 3. I am not ready for her album to drop. I love her so much- she was so ahead of her time/a genius.

Also- we did not get tickets to NCT who will also be playing at the Roxy in April (I believe). I'm bummed as they were the reason I got into KPOP, but I haven't continued following and maybe I can go to next years tour. There's no one else I'd die for them to come- maybe WJSN- but I don't want anyone to come because. . . well I can't afford it. . . haha. . haha :(.

So I last blogged Tuesday, a little over a week ago. That Thursday morning Yuri and I drove up to Winston Salem, NC to visit one of our best friends! We came in with the mindset to not pig out as much, but at the same time I hadn't seen my friend since last year so I decided I was going to enjoy myself if anything came up 🌝.
We didn't do as bad as we thought. I think the extent of it was a large McDonalds big mac meal. . . . too many cheese and crackers? of course eating outside my hours- oH AND for me almost a full bottle of a LARGE wine and about five shots of vodka. . . definitely not my proudest moment but I was chill. I knew I wasn't going to drink for a long time so I think I just took advantage of being off the horse (yeah, don't do that). We were there for four days and when I came home I think I was just up a pound 🙃.

We drove back down Monday and got home around 8pm. That night and all of Tuesday and Wednesday I felt SO shitty and depressed. There was just like a dark cloud over me and I felt so SAD. For now it's gone, even though it was not provoked by anything I'm going to make sure I don't get into a funk like that again- I'm being proactive 😉

Food wise I need to step it up. Earlier this week I went grocery shopping and I just got some essentials. Eggs, cereal, oatmeal, whole grain bread, turkey, milk, etc etc (don't know why I felt compelled to share something everyone does regardless lmao??). Last week I was eating the Strawberry Special K that was already at my house, but I preferred the fruit and berry so I got that. Verdict? It was just way sweeter than I remember it. Blegh. Today I sprinkled some on top of my oatmeal, since on its own it is very very plain.

But for example- yesterday I had a banana, oatmeal, yogurt, grapes, and berries. For dinner I went to Burger King (mostly for my siblings) and I had a chicken salad (ok..?) then I WAS LIKE WELL I'LL ORDER MEDIUM ONION RINGS AND BUFFALO SAUCE TO DIP THEM IN SINCE I STILL HAVE CALORIE WIGGLE ROOM *sigh*. Thankfully (lol) I ate about.... five.... before I was like okay no (my whole life always boils down to: I could be doing so much better).

post workout

We were walking three miles last week and now we're doing four- it's just a little extra but you can feel it. Plus the trail is beginning to feel shorter (whew). I am jogging much more than before, but I want to improve. Since we do this daily I'm sure I'll be where I want to be sooner than later. Today, I went to the store and bought some new sports bras, socks (hehe), and a yoga mat! I've wanted one for a while, but just for the sake of having one. Now, I find myself wanting to do some basic workouts at home but I don't want to be directly on the hard floor. So I'm excited to put it to good use (i'll let y'all know how it goes).

So I was like "ehhh" 🤭 about saying my weight because that's how shocked I was about it (but let's be real here I saw it coming). ANYWAYS, I really don't care because what changes if I say it? May 8th I was legit mortified and had a text breakdown with Yuri, I weighed 201.6lbs 🤮. Today, June 1st I weighed 192.2lbs. Even though it's been three weeks it feels like nothing has changed? I mean its only 9lbs so no big changes will show but I have to remind myself 9lbs is SOMETHING.

If it matters at all Hyolyn's Dally is at the top of my workout playlist

Still doing what I mentioned in the last post.
I (re)downloaded MyFitnessPal and I'm counting calories, currently staying under 1600 cal. It's supposed to be the deficit necessary for a 2 pound a week loss, but an amount I'm comfortable consuming nonetheless.
I feel like my weight was slowly decreasing but this morning it went back up. Although I definitely don't eat like I did before, I have been giving myself more leeway then I did the first week in terms of food and I missed some timings this weekend. I'm going to return to that discipline and hopefully see some change. I still feel/look the same, but my skin has gotten better!

I'm also logging my exercise! Which I said would be the most difficult part.

Since Thursday, Yuri and I have been on the Silver Comet Trail walking about three miles everyday. We're just getting started, but the motivation and companionship is there so I am optimistic. We started off walking and now that we're getting into the groove of things we're beginning to jog some parts. I can't wait to get more stamina and confidence and pull out the bikes!
Although we don't actually run out of things to talk about, only so much happens in less than 20hrs (& we still text during those hours lol). We decided to spice things up by doing a lil duo bookclub. We're picking a book and reading a chapter before meeting so we can have something of substance to discuss. We decided on The Alchemist, but it doesn't have chapters so. . . . we'll figure it out. I read it in high school, but I want to read it with a different perspective. Yuri has read a bit of it so she'll get to complete it.

Overall, I'm a little blegh for the small mistakes I've made- but taking it as a helpful lesson!
- Melissa 💖

Last week's post focused more on the reasons for tackling my weight, rather than the nitty gritty.

So a peek into my problem areas, diet change, and goals.

What I did (majorly) wrong:

First of all my sleep schedule was so off. I fell asleep around early morning and woke up mid afternoon. The times weren't exactly consistent and this led to erratic meal times.

Thankfully I don't eat out as much as I used to (my weight has been rising for the last several years). I have definitely been eating more of my mom's cooking. I do think my portion sizes fluctuate with the day's mood. After watching videos of other people's struggle with their weight, something very obvious dawned on me. Although I had relatively normal portioned and healthy dinner meals, I binge ate multiple times a week and always late at night. This ranged from a large meal from McDonalds, a pack (or two) of instant noodles, or just snacks like chips, candy, soda (all at once).

Apart from late night binging- when I do go out to eat or there is something extra yummy around I have, more often than not, a hard time controlling myself from overeating. I just keep at it.
*I don't suffer from Binge Eating Disorder*

Other than necessary day to day activity, I am very inactive! I spend about 8-10 hours just sitting on my bed (sleep not included!).

I hate (now past tense?) drinking water. It is so bad that I couldn't even tell when I was thirsty anymore because I was perpetually thirsty! I consumed a too little amount of liquids, and when I did it was probably a soda or Powerade/Gatorade.

If y'all gagged at everything you just read, no worries I was gagging as I wrote too!!

What I'm doing to lose weight and kick these deadly habits to the curve:

Basics: I am drinking only water and lots of it. WOW *pat on the back*. . . yeah I know. But to me this is a pretty big deal. . I have drank more water this week than I probably have in the last month. It finally feels and tastes refreshing, maybe it's the summer heat ;).
*drinks water for one day- why isn't my face completely acne free??*

The foundation of it all is Intermittent Fasting. Many of you have probably heard of this before, but if you haven't- there are two types 5:2 and 16:8. 5:2 refers to restricting your calorie intake for two days out of the week and eating what is normally recommended the other five days. 16:8 is fasting for sixteen hours and having an eight hour window where you consume food normally. I'm doing the latter. I began with a window from 1pm to 8pm, then 1pm to 9pm because I'm an idiot and didn't realize that till 8pm is only seven hours.
I recently changed the window to 11:30am to 7:30pm as my sleep schedule has adjusted and I am getting hungry earlier. I also eat dinner with my family by 6:30pm so it's nice to not have to wait until 1pm the next day to eat again (18+ hrs).

As mentioned before, you are able to eat normal during intermittent fasting, but since I am guilty of overeating I am concentrating on portion control. I am not anal about low calorie intake since I haven't decided to implement it officially, but I am conscious about it and cutting what I can. I also haven't limited carbs, but when you take into consideration the aforementioned it's not very difficult to exclude them or eat less of.

Without diving into the physiological benefits and changes, fasting for me automatically eliminates my late night binge eating. I do catch myself scrolling through pictures of food on reddit, but otherwise, knowing you're not eating at those times really helps you concentrate on what's necessary and not whats in the fridge for you to grab. Because I'm making an effort to eat smaller portions within that time frame, I've eliminated fatty and sugary snacks that would just make it all counterproductive.

What is SUPER surprising about all of this is that fasting has been so easy for me (again it's been about a week doe!) I never imagined that I'd be so okay about not having that glass bottle Coke, my favorite sour watermelon gummies, thai tea, a quick burger when I was hungry, or instant noodles (okay I did shed a tear while I stared at the freshly stocked aisle and put back a bowl I hadn't tried before . . . ugh why am I walking back through these dark moments in my life). I do have the random thought here and then just to grab something sugary or sweet, but nothing close to a craving and certainly not enough to eat or buy it.

So, if I've been able to defeat food. . . everything else should be a piece of cake right?WRONG.
Exercising is going to be a real bitch. I've done two days so far . . . and it's just so hard to get out and imagine going out there and doing even basic walking for an hour (okay this sounds pretty silly) but I just know this is going to be my biggest struggle *sigh*. I will definitely keep updates on how THAT goes. If I don't figure it out soon, and there's not much to figure out but put on those running shoes and walk down the street, it's really going to hinder me from reaching my goals.

And speaking about my goals:
Again, I'M NEW. I'm not 100% sure how my body is taking all of this and what my results will be for the first few weeks. I'm in a state of trial and error so I'll be experimenting to figure out what works best for me and what is realistic to achieve. (10-15lbs this month? is that to brave?)

But anyways, I need to be sexy confident in a bathing suit next summer!
💖

She is a dwarf bunny named. . . well she doesn't have a name even though it's been about three or four weeks. Can't decide! I think we're leaning towards Zoe.

She was so tiny when we got her and she's growing each day. She's quite the mischievous character, hoping this is just a childish quirk she'll grow out of.

1st day home- noticeably bigger now

She is NOT in a cage and has free roam of the bedroom and hallway. She loves getting under the furniture and I do all I can to keep her out each day. Every few days I have to alter the designs because she finds a way in (we're also not very good at keeping it tight).

I know she's made herself right at home as even her first day free roaming she just plopped on her back. Letting their guard down is a good sign that a bunny is comfortable. It meant so much to me and now I can't get enough of her laying about.

She is really good about using her litter box to pee, poop is mostly contained 😉. When it gets a little out of hand I know cleaning is past due.
💖

Words

"I knew from the beginning that I have found you to lose you, and I loved you to miss you, we met in a coincidence and we were two arrows with opposite directions, and inevitable were the meeting and the farewell."