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My human thought she would bring me to work today. As you can tell, neither one of us got a lot of work done. Well, my mom didn’t. I did because her desk was the most frequented visited cubicle that day. I wonder why? Signed Shrimp

Dear Shrimp,

Smiles and wipes piggy eyes. Aren’t you just the most adorable, cutest little thing I’ve seen in a while. I just want to rub that little belly of yours. You must have really been tired little guy. Maybe you should do more visits to work with mommy. I think in no time you would have all of her co-workers wrapped around your little paws!

Dear Bacon,

I know we are suppose to be enemies but we’re not. We are buds. He watches my back and I watch his. We have the most interesting conversations at our house. Why can’t we all just get along in the world like us? Signed Tom and Jerry

Dear Tom and Jerry,

Ya’ll have a great point. We *should* all just get along in this world. There shouldn’t be anything saying that we can’t because of one thing or another. Ya’ll are setting the best example – keep up the great work my friends!

Dear Bacon,

I was this close to freedom before they caught me and put me back in lockdown. I could taste freedom and it tasted pretty darn good. Any suggestions for next time? Signed Stretch

Dear Stretch,

I have to laugh buddy. They say your kind is slow and not full of spunk but I think *they* are wrong. You show the tenacity in making the ‘great escape’. You were so close – how you got that far up on the fence is beyond me but way to go my friend. Next time though, might I suggest just watching out for the gate to open. It might be a safer way for your taste of freedom.

Dear Bacon,

What? Haven’t you ever seen a bird wearing a hoodie before? It gets cold. I don’t have a ‘fur coat’ like you do. My feathers only provide so much for warmth. I think it’s a great idea. We should all have one, you think? Signed Fun Times

Dear Fun Times,

I think it’s great! You look warm, festive and ready to go meet the world in that hoodie. I say don’t worry about what anyone else might think. As long as you are warm and comfy, who cares!

Dear Bacon,

I need help. I know you have Bashful. Bashful is like a happening international traveling pet rock. My owner, he just keeps me in a cage and feeds me. I don’t get that life of first class traveling or anything. Any suggestions- can you help me out? Signed Bug

Dear Bug,

I am so sorry little guy. Your owner must not have gotten the parenting guide like I did with Bashful. You have to have exercise. Your owner needs to walk you or at least put a hamster wheel in your cage for exercise. Does he take you out for social time, watching television? Heck, if anything else, you need a friend. You give him my number, I’ll email it back to you. I’ll talk to him and see what we can come up with my friend.

Leash training. Well, it sucks. I can’t go too far without the human deciding that I shouldn’t be that far. A pig has to have his freedom! That’s what I say. What about you? Signed Gotta Run

Dear Gotta Run,

Poor little guy. Mommy *tried* to leash train me. Let’s just say that I wasn’t a leash kind of pig either. I’m sure with more practice, I would have adjusted but she didn’t have the will power – snorts. Look on the other hand my little friend, they are just trying to watch after your safety. Consider it a gesture of love. 🙂

Dear Bacon,

HA! This will make you think twice about stomping in that puddle outside again won’t it? I just had to share. You never know where my kind might jump out at you. Consider us like clowns. We’ll make you laugh but we are scary as heck to look at sometimes. Signed Hide N Seek

Dear Hide N Seek,

Shivers to murgatroid! I will never stomp my little hooves in the puddle outside in my magical backyard EVER again. Heck, I close my eyes and still see you. EEWW – you are like clowns – scary!! I gotta get in therapy. Thanks.

Dear Bacon,

You’re not the only cute thing that rides around in your mom’s moving thingy. I love to settle in the back seat and go for a spin. It kind of relaxes me and helps me to go to sleep. I think it helps my mom too to hear me go bbaaww. Signed Tiny

Dear Tiny,

OMP (oh my pig). Yes you are so right my friend. You are the most adorable little thing. I just want to pick you up and cuddle with you! If my mom saw you, oh goodness, we would so have to adopt you here at the Hotel Thompson!! Stay safe my little friend.

Dear Bacon,

I turn my back for one minute and my tail hit my nuts off of the pole. I think my face tells you everything. I got make every nut count during these winter months! Signed Flabbergasted

Dear Flabbergasted,

I’m sorry my friend for laughing but that look is priceless! Hit me up, I’ll give you some nuts 🙂

Dear Bacon,

No matter what you do in life, never give up and never surrender. You don’t know what strengths you have until you try. Stay strong my friend. Signed Adam Ant

Dear Adam Ant,

Those are some powerful words my little buddy. So true and spot on. I will never give up and never surrender with anything in my life. Thank you!.

Dear Bacon,
Daddy was holding my head and kept making funny faces at me. I thought it was only fair play that I returned at least a funny face too. What do you think? Signed Twisted

Dear Twisted,
OMP (Oh my pig!) I love that face. Humans can be so silly with us, can’t they? They make all these goo goo gaa gaa sounds and twist their faces up. I think it’s only time that we turn it around and do it back to them. Fortunately, your dad had the camera on. Great face my friend. Thank you so much for sharing the fun!

Dear Bacon,
Oh rawr and barks. I read your blog and see that you are ‘trained’. I can’t believe you let your humans do that to you. A trained pig – barks. Who has ever heard of that. Signed Jolly

Dear Jolly,
Really? Are you done now laughing at me. Tell me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that harness around your neck? Who’s trained now barky thing? snorts. PLOL (Pig laughing out loud).

Dear Bacon,
They say admission is the first step and I admit it. I attacked the vacuum cleaner. Well, I really don’t think it was so much of an attack as it was a jump while it wasn’t looking. Heck, it was making way too much noise. And to think mom yells at me when I bark! I was just trying to get it to be quiet. You can’t really blame me, can you? Signed Pupattack

Dear Pupattack,
Well, what you say is true. How can the humans get on to us and make us walk a certain line of rules and other things can’t. Just like at the Hotel Thompson. How come I can bark and squeal but daddy can sing off key loudly in the shower? I think it is all in fair play. I back you my friend. Get the petition started. I would sign it to get you out of that basket. By all means – let me sign it to get you out of the cobra basket. 🙂

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Dear Bacon,
Hey, what’s up my friend? Just chilling here in the sun. I think you should come down under and see me. We could have a lot of fun together. Heck, I would even let you ride in my pouch good looking. Signed Roolove

Dear Roolove,
You do look awfully comfortable there my friend. So relaxed, sleepy looking from the sun actually. Although I would love to visit and ride in your ‘pouch’, I’m afraid it might be bit of a trip for me. Although, Bashful my pet rock is down under visiting. Maybe you can look him up and give him a little ride. Just be sure to please return him to his host family.

Dear Bacon,
I love – just LOVE – doing this to Jed. I walk up behind him and disguise my voice saying, “Guess who?” Has anyone ever done that to you? It’s a fun little game we play. Do you know he still never guesses its me. He’s a hoot. I fool him every single time. Do it to one of your purr things and see what happens. Go ahead. Signed Fool You

Dear Fool You,
That is a cute little game my friend. I think I will tell Houdini about this and have him do it to Hemi. That should be hilarious to see how that goes down. I can almost picture in my mind. I’ll be sure to try and have the camera ready for a photo opportunity. Thanks my friend for the game.

This is my scary pose. Does it work? I’m trying it out on different people but all they do is laugh. What am I doing wrong? Signed Vicious

Dear Vicious,

I hate to say it little fellow but that is so not scary. The only thing scary in that pose are those huge claws – now that’s scary. You doing that pose – I just want to tickle that little belly. I’m sure as you get older, that pose may have more of an impact. Right now though, you’re just a cute little thing… especially with that sunlight shining on you. Maybe lose the pose and learn to bristle up that fur a bit. That might be scary. Let me know my friend.

Dear Bacon,

I need some help. I’m not sure what is going on. Everyone that sees me starts singing some theme song of Star Wars. I don’t get it. Signed Ewok

Dear Ewok,

You don’t get out much do you? You need to go through your master’s video collection and find one marked Star Wars. Watch it. Watch it closely my friend and see if you notice anything in that movie that you’ve seen before…anything that looks familiar…. anything that maybe has the same name as you. Love the look!

Dear Bacon,

I get picked on all of the time. You’re slow they say. I can run faster than you they say. You’re slower than creek water running down stream they say. Well, I have found the light and the answer! These days, I just use my handy dandy skate board. What do you think? Signed Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

Dear Tony “Tortoise” Hawk

I think you look fantastic little man! What an awesome idea that you came up with. Can’t wait to see you television racing the big guys! Be safe!

Dear Bacon,

Those pesky cats in the neighborhood were running through the trees. I thought I would chase them. You know, just to keep up their exercise. They got me stuck between two trees. Have you ever seen such misery? Signed Woody

Dear Woody,

I would not have believed it if you didn’t send a picture to me. WOW – you are stuck between two trunks and a hard place. Hope you got unstuck fast. Don’t be too hard on those purr things.

Dear Bacon,

This is us, the TMNT, in the early days. Even then we had style. Never give up man and always dream big – it can happen to you like it did to us. Signed Michelangelo, Leonardo, Raphael and Donatello

Dear TMNT,

Love you guys! Mom said that you are making another come back. I’ve watched some shows from the past. I would love to be like ya’ll – can you use a pig in the mix? I want a cool name too – just like ya’lls. Keep safe and live prosper my new friends!

Dear Bacon,
Spiders eeww. Nobody likes them man. I’m sorry little dude. I saw one on the floor. It was huge. There was no other place to go. The evil thing was in the doorway threatening my manhood. I jumped on the first thing I could to get away from it. Sink be it. This is how my master found me. This doesn’t make me less of a dog does it? My fear of spiders? Signed Sweetness

Dear Sweetness,

Well, it might take you down a couple of notches. You’re name my take you down a few more. You are my fellow friend are a dog. A big dog at that. You could have easily walked over that little spider and saved you some grace. Unless that spider is as big as you, you are the bigger person. Start dogging up.

Dear Bacon,
Hey dude. I read your blog all of the time. I see people talking about yoga and I’ve seen some of the positions. I gotta lot of stress in my life. I thought I would try it. WOW – it works great! This is my zen trunk position. It took me a long time to get the balancing together but it’s great now. Have you tried it yet?? Signed Stingphant

Dear Stingphant,

That’s amazing! I’m going to have to try some of these positions in my room when no one is looking, especially that Hemi. It helps out in stress huh? I really don’t have that much stress but I think over the holidays I’m going to try it. I’ll keep you posted.

Dear Bacon,
Who says zebras can’t be fast? I’m tired of being the underzebra in the bush getting chased all of the time. I bought me a bike and it is the bomb! Those pesky little cats can’t catch me anymore. Whatcha think? Signed Einstein

Dear Einstein,

I’m amazed! First of all, you have the talent to ride a bike. Second of all, I would have never thought about doing that to escape the cat. But I do have a question. How are you going to feel that thing up with gas when it runs out? Just a thought to think about. Stay safe my striped friend!

Dear Bacon,
I love the water. I just can’t get enough of it. My favorite sport is water skiing. Everyone said that due to my size that I would never be able to participate. Well, I proofed them wrong. Don’t let anyone say that you can’t do something. You can. Signed Geoffrey

Dear Geoffrey,

I’ve got to admit that if you can do that, I can do some of the things that I want to do in my life. There’s nothing that can hold us back. Thank you so much for the inspiration!

Okay pig –

You think *you* have problems with those pesky purr things. I have problems. My master has pet mice. You know where I’m going. You can’t eat the pets. But this, this is taking things a little too far and asking me too much. What am I to do? Signed Heathcliff

Dear Heathcliff,

WOW – mom does walk around telling me not to eat the cats. I don’t. I may tug on their tails a little but it’s all out of love. But mice hanging around the head. Oh buddy, there’s got to be a line somewhere and that’s pushing it. You might need to leave the room when the master has those play things out wondering around. I can hold back a lot but that – no way! Be strong!

Dear Bacon,
I’ve read your column recommending yoga and how everyone thinks its the best thing since sliced bread. I’m not a fan. I’m not sure what this position was suppose to be but it’s not natural. I guess it’s not meant for everyone.

Signed Pretzel

Dear Pretzel,
Well, you do look like you’re a little tied up there. What’s it like to be able to kiss your own butt? Snort

Dear Bacon,
So I walked into a bar and ordered a beer. What’s wrong with that? I’m of age. Why not think its strange that the bartender served me?

Why does it have to be me with a problem?

Signed Cheers

Dear Cheers,

I don’t see a problem with that. If you can (A) walk into a bar; (B) order your own beer; (C) sit at the bar and (D) drink it, I say you deserve it. I salute you!

Dear Bacon,
Do you ever have one of those days that you don’t know if your coming/going? If you need to eat or go wizzy? I had a moment and of course my dad had to take a picture. Who knows where it will show up next on the Internet. Signed Two Birds With One Stone

Dear Two Birds With One Stone,
Hey little man, no worries. Sometimes life happens. You’re hungry and you have to go. I’ll tell you a little secret. At times when I go wizzy for mom on my piggy pad, she will feed me a carrot while I’m going. Hey, whatever you gotta do my friend for food, do it.

Dear Bacon,
I’m like you. I have a short leg challenge. There’s lots of things I can’t do either because of those challenged little legs. I found the perfect solution – stilts. They do take some getting used to but hey no more short legs. You gotta get a pair of these things and try them. Signed Vertically Challenged

Dear Vertically Challenged,
You do look a lot taller. Mine would have to be taller. You know, to make room for my garage of a belly. 🙂 snort They do look like fun. I’m wondering if I could get mom to make me some for fun? I’ll keep you posted.

Dear Bacon – We heard about your mission in life on becoming a Super Hero and wanting a cape. I think me and my brother will start a petition for you. With enough signatures, I think we can get your mom to get you at least dressed for the occasion. Super hero powers are something that you are born with. We’ve read enough of your blog to know that with enough thrust, you can fly. So, you’re half way there our friend. Signed Batdog and Robin

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Dear Batdog and Robin – Thanks my friends! Ya’ll look totally awesome in your outfits. I am so working on mom for my cape. I could use all of the help I can get!

Dear Bacon – Don’t believe everything you read. Having a cape isn’t always the best thing in the world. My humans make me wear this cape and then make me sit in the corner. Why? Ask me why piggy? Because I got so excited with my cape that I might have tinkled on the carpet. What did they expect? So, they sat me in the corner with my cape on for time out. How embarrassing! Take it from me little guy. Don’t whizzle with excitement. Signed Super Tinkle

Dear Super Tinkle – I’m so sorry my friend. That look on your face says everything. At least they could have removed your cape before putting you in time out. What super hero gets put in time out? Having a cape is exciting. I really can’t tell how I will act. But, thanks for the heads up to contain myself – whizzle and all.

Dear Bacon – Be very specific in what you ask for in a cape. I too always wanted one. I just should have been a little more specific in the details. You know like, nothing over my head. Save that material to cover my goodies. I mean really. What super hero is out there with his goodies showing? I feel like a pervedog. Help. Signed Spider Perve

Dear Spider Perve – WOW – thank you so much my little friend. I really never thought about specifics in my cape. You are so right. I really need to be detailed on what I want in a cape. Okay – nothing on the piggy head but covering the bottom half – got it. Yeah, you are so right my friend!

Dear Bacon – Okay, I like turtles and I play with them in my back yard. Yes, I wanted to be a Super Hero. Where in the world did I go wrong with my parents? Why would they dress me like a TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle) and think that was what I wanted in my Super Hero outfit? Really? Learn from me pal, have an open conversation with your humans. Signed Turtle Dog

Dear Turtle Dog – Does it help that you look cute and adorable? Okay, maybe that doesn’t help but you do. Personally, I wouldn’t go for the mask but at least your goodies are covered – snorts. And hey, the shell on your back could be a good thing. Just think if you fall, you have the comfort of some padding. I do appreciate the heads up my friend.

Dear Bacon – Just remember, Super Hero’s come in all shapes and sizes – not just dogs and cats. We can ALL be a Super Hero in some fashion. My humans got it right in my cape. It actually gives me just a tad bit of room to grow in. It’s so roomy that I can move. That’s important when you are doing your ninja kicks. I hope you get your cape soon my friend. Fly with Confidence! Signed Super Piggy

Dear Super Piggy – Thanks my friend. You are so full of confidence and that really inspires me. It reminds me of an old saying that my mommy says all of the time, “Bloom where you are planted.” I guess that could mean us anipals as well, huh? Keep up the great work my little Super Hero. Hope to see you flying in the skies soon.