Friday, October 15, 2010

Well, it's been 3 or so since I've had the time to blog. I'm at work today, on my lunch break.I haven't missed Internet land! Honestly, I am on a computer 8+ hours a day...last thing I want to do is get online when I am off work!

Things are going ok...my house is a mess and I am still struggling with how to do all that I have to do...but I think the kids are adjusting well.I fired our babysitter because I can't afford to pay someone to just sit on the couch and do nothing all day. We are getting things in order with Dave, my mom and #1 son all pitching in to organize who watches the kids when.

School? Hmmm. In process...that's all I will say.

I go back and forth with feeling overwhelmed, guilty and OK with what is going on. I wish there was time to hand out with the kids more, I wish there was time to get my house clean.

On a positive note...my marriage has never been better. DH drives me to work each day and most days he comes and has lunch with me. I work about 5 minutes from our house, so that works.We have a regular date now too...essential.

I am also seeing SO much that God is for me and that he has not left me alone in all of this change. I am holding onto hope that this is all part of His plan for my life and it will make me stronger.Honestly, I'm not reading anyones blogs these days. It is too hard for me to see all the wonderful things you are getting done with your children each day. It is hard for me to see you express such gratitude at being able to stay home with your families when I cannot do the same. Harsh, but that is my honest feeling.

Folks, I'm tired. I won't lie to you. Still, I am learning so much about compassion, grace and forgiveness. I am learning what is truly important in my daily life, and it's not the things I used to think it was. Not at all. I was (in many ways) living a delusion. It is good to have clarity on some fronts even if the lesson is a hard one!Well, my lunch break is over...Later.