Maybe we shut down pitchers after they throw a perfect game, instead of debating a Stephen Strasburg skin tag and whether we should have it checked out. This isn’t entirely fantasy related, but there was like seven games yesterday, so bear with me. Or bare with me, if you’re a nudist. Yesterday, Dr. Yocum said he worked with the Nats about their plan to shut down Strasburg, while previously Yocum said he was “not asked” and hadn’t spoken to the Nats GM. This is like getting to the bottom of which parent said it was okay for a teenager to get a New York Jets tattoo. It wasn’t dad! Dad’s a Giants fan! Is the baseball world Strasburg’s helicopter parent? I want to know if the obstetrician, who delivered Strasburg, waited the full nine months, otherwise we might need to reinsert Strasburg into his mother’s vagina for another day or two. Oh, and Felix Hernandez got rocked hard. His line: 4 IP, 7 ER vs. Toronto. Jays did him as if you spell their name Jay-Z and Felix was Nas. In his last three starts, F-Her has given up 16 ER, tying his career worst for 3 starts and his 7 earned yesterday were his 2nd worst amount of runs allowed this year. He gets the red-hot O’s next. For that, read “yay” in its reverse… Hmm, that didn’t work. Stupid palindromes. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Dustin Ackley – 1-for-3 with his 11th homer, to raise his average to .232. I wasn’t a fan of his in the preseason and he’s done more than prove me right. In fact, he could’ve done a little less of proving me right and a little more of proving he could hit major league pitching.

Henderson Alvarez – 7 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks. Before the game, he got to meet with Felix Hernandez, his idol, then he went on to beat him. That’ll teach Felix to not put the clause in his contract that he has final approval with Make-A-Wish.

Edwin Encarnacion – 1-for-3, 3 RBIs and his 40th homer. Can I just write the Encarnacion overrated for 2013 post right now?

Adam Lind – 2-for-4 with his 10th homer. Remember he missed…Oh, forget it, his stats wouldn’t be good if he missed 100 games.

Felix Doubront – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. His line looks a tad better than reality since there were 5 walks and not a ton of strikes thrown. Though his line looks a lot better than Felix Hernandez’s or if you’re drunk.

Ben Zobrist – 3-for-6, 1 run, 1 RBI as he was one of the few hitting bright spots in the 14-inning game yesterday played by the O’s and Rays. He credited his success to praying extra hard.

Jeremy Hellickson – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks and would’ve got the win if not for Wade Davis’s blown save which started with his error. Wade apologized, saying he had that stupid “Toot It And Boot It” song stuck in his head.

Wei-Yin Chen – 7 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 4.00. I got to thinking about hype and Darvish and how maybe the less hype a player has coming from overseas the better off we might be. But that didn’t lead me anywhere good because there were quite a few marginal players coming here that were just eh and held their end of the deal. That train of thought did lead me to this. Not just that article, but almost all fearless forecasts/crystal ball craziness/outlandish outliers are wrong. But they throw it up — throw it up is the key phrase here — with the guise that it’s bonkers and it remains bonkers so… Well, what’s the point? Really, I have no idea. Anyone could say Tyler Colvin is going to hit 40 homers with the Cubs in 2011, but only one person actually did say that, your head ESPN fantasy analyst.

Chris Davis – 3-for-4, the other hitting star from the protracted game. And now Bill James is protracted.

Jason Hammel – The MRI showed no new injury, which means the pain is from the old injury, I guess. Either way, he has no timetable to return to pitching, which means his owners have a similar timetable for bitching.

Lance Lynn – 6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. Probably a one start thing for Lynn since Carpenter and Westbrook are supposed to return. Either way, I wouldn’t go near Lynn hoping he’s going to recapture his early season glory. Now I think I’m going down to the well tonight and I’m going to drink ’til I get my fill…

Jason Kipnis – 1-for-5 with his 14th homer. Member when he was on pace for 25 homers? Ah, those were the days. We were younger then, and you had more hair.

Matt LaPorta – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs with his 1st homer. Not in this game, though that wouldn’t have been a record. At one point, some people thought LaPorta could’ve been a perennial 25 homer guy, but Grady Sizemore ran into his shadow, hurt his knee and the Indians got seven years of bad luck. LaPorta has hit .400 in the last week, but he gets Verlander today, so I’d hold another day before looking to pick him up. No, he won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell, thanks for asking.

Ezequiel Carrera – 2-for-4 with a homer, but he’s more of a speedster. Coincidentally, an Amish carriage with a Porsche hood ornament is called an Ezequiel Carrera.

Joe Nathan – 0 IP, 3 ER and two homers to blow his 2nd save. He’s in no danger of losing the job, but he just weathered the Arlington heat (pun point!) and with only two blown saves and a 2.83 ERA he’s on borrowed time.

Adrian Beltre – 2-for-3, 2 runs the same day he went for a shoulder MRI. Are we sure someone didn’t hypnotize Beltre to think it’s a contract year?

Brett Anderson – 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER vs. the Los Angeles Angels Of A Forty Minute Commute From Los Angeles. When Anderson first returned, I said to stay away because he’d need some time to come back from TJ surgery, but then he rattled off four straight quality starts and I was like, “Aw, sook!” Looking closer at those starts, they were against the Mariners, Po’ Sawx, Indians and Twins. Not exactly murderer’s row. Not even manslaughter’s row. He gets the Tigers next, and I’d move on. I will now call him BA Bupkis.

Yoenis Cespedes – Left yesterday’s game with a wrist injury. A’s are calling it day-to-day, which is better than minute-to-minute or month-to-month.

Jered Weaver – 7 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 9 Ks in his return to the rotation from his sore shoulder. Will be interesting to see how January Grey feels about Weaver. January Grey, “That’s more on February Grey. Oh, and could you wire me some money? Turns out asking a female if she needs a ride is ‘solicitation.’ Who knew?”

Torii Hunter – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 15th homer. Brandon Phillips said that Jared Hughes asked if Torii Hunter was going to pay to replace that home run ball, and when Torii said no, Jared shrugged, saying, “See? He’s not going to replace it.”

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5 with his 30th steal, while carrying a .290 average. Not bad for a guy who’s four-eleven.

Lorenzo Cain – 1-for-3 with his 10th steal. He has 4 steals in the last ten days and two homers. Yeah, of course, he’s going to be in this afternoon’s Buy/Sell. Luke Scott, Ty Wigginton or Lorenzo Cain have to appear in every Buy/Sell. That shizz is law.

Ryan Doumit – Has a strained rib cage muscle. That’s a weird thing to find in a colander.

Phil Hughes – 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks. He was beautiful in his start yesterday, but can we stop for a second and look at the Po’ Sawx lineup? James Loney is batting third?! Podsednik is their DH exclamation exclamation exclamation! Their third baseman has never hit more than 6 homers in any minor league season, teenaged girl texting exclamation! The Po’ Sawx look like they had a nearsighted scout assemble this team, then had Madoff sell off any of the shiny objects, leaving them with a bunch of dull corn that was passed through a colon. The 1920 Red Sox had more spring in their full-body men’s swimsuits.

JOE F#CKING NATHAN JUST COST ME a playoff spot I believe. WOW! I’m still in shock. Not to mention tigers game postponed till monday and I need every point possible. Considering I have Cabrera in both possible playoff leagues and fielder on one of those teams and im in two close battles, i think im screwed. oh and glad Hamilton is hurt now and Hanley has disappeared last few weeks. Will Medlen come through for me again or is he due to get his back blown out???? PLEASE HELP ME GREY

How in the frick did Hughes go 7.1 IP with 0 ER? (Oh, now I remember: I just read your explanation above.). I was counting on a lousy outing from him vs. the Crap Sox since he got streamed by my douchey arch-rival. Now I might very well be passed out of the quarterfinal colon like dull corn if I can’t get some wins, Ks, and a lower ERA. Darvish, Fiers, Cashner, and Cain on Friday. Gimme your blessing, Grey. Gimme a blessing with an exclamation point. Tell me it’s gonna be okay, and not in the way Capt. Yossarian did in “Catch 22″ (too grim?).

@Grey: Thanks, Grey, I needed that. In the league I really care about this is a bye week for yours truly (No. 1 seed). In the quarterfinal matchup I’ve got going in the league I don’t care so much about I’m up against a shizzbird whose smack talk is one one-hundredth of a point more clever than what came out of Charlie Sheen’s mouth during last year’s “winning” interview on 20/20. I so badly want to beat him and get him out of the playoffs I’d juice (if there were a BALCO product that could help with fantasy sports). I’m worried about his Hamels / Price starts. Also, I’ve got Kendrick starting on Sat., then Haren on Sun. What sayeth thee? Oh, how I oweth thee a daiquiri…

Down 17-3 in the playoff matchup with a lot of cats close enough to win. My problem is my hitters may have shot their wad last week (looking at you Bruce), and i really can’t bench them for a better option. So I’m forced to stream and hope to win some of the pitching cats with the quantity over quality route. And pray the hitters come alive this weekend, please Trout, Giancarlo, CarGo, Bruce, Votto…

@Grey, I counted 14 of the cats I’m either losing or tied in that are close enough that i can realistically win. Which would be more than enough to give me the dubya. It is gonna be an interesting weekend.

SON gives Anibal a 107 for tomorrow, so I’m leaning towards deploying him. However, SON gives Detwiler a 97 for today–well below the “Hommy Tanson Line” (as I like to call it) but not awful. Although, the SON gave Minor an 88 for his last start and it still went well. What would you do vis a vis Detwiler and Anibal?

Can we give Banderson a pass on his non-quality start because all of the runs were earned after he was left in too long in the 7th inning? Or is that the same as giving a guy a pass for 5ER in the 1st followed by 6 shutout innings?

I was lucky enough to have a bye this week, but now I’m looking at the matchups for next week and beyond. Which two pitchers would you want out of these options: Cahill (vs. SD and then probably drop), Cashner (@SF), Skaggs (vs. SD) and Morrow (@TB)?

Also, is it time to drop Murphy? Best options are Belt and Rasmus (looks like he’s starting to heat up) Thanks.

On bye this week, looking to get a jump on Monday streamers as my potential opponents both carry more SP than me and stream, and we have a weekly move limit so I can bank an extra by making one now. W and QS both count.

E. Ramirez v BAL (SON 119?!?)
T. Wood v PIT (SON 101)
Floyd v DET

I kind of like Wood since he’s been throwing QSs lately and PIT is fading. My only concern is if the wind is blowing out in Wrigley, I won’t be able to sub in one of the others at the last minute. Ramirez has an off the charts SON rating, but not much of a starting track record, and I don’t want to dig myself a hole on Monday. Floyd has looked good against DET, but he makes me nervous too.

Anderson’s start wasn’t all that bad. He cruised through 6 IP with 5 hits and no ER. He ran into trouble in the 7th, but left with 2 outs and the bases loaded after giving up 2 ER, and Chavez let everyone score. That said, I wouldn’t start him his next time out @ DET, and he should get @ TEX after that, so…so long, Anderson!

I thought Homer was looking good but just saw his great September was fueled by two games against Houston’s AAA team and the Pitts. He still is not trustworthy and even worth considering next year as an end of the draft flyer?

I thought he was worth considering at the end of the draft this year, then he went and didn’t do much for the first 3 1/2 months… So I think I’d give him a flyer again next year, but only in the last rounds…

Evans is the worst. Only reason I read his articles is to make sure I haven’t accidentally picked up a player he endorses. Thankfully yahoo dedicated him to football back in May. Say what you will about Berry (and I don’t disagree), but at least he’s mildly entertaining… in a midget clown wrestling sort of way.

@Fooch, mildly entertaining? you can leave now and go think about what you have said and when you are ready for restitution then you can come back. don’t you ever disrespect midget wrestlers like that. Those are hard workin little guys that use peoples perception of them to pay the bills deserve far more credit than that guy who makes my bowl movements seem colorful and interesting and at times more helpful with my fantasy teams. Fooch you are on the hate list

@Jack Full of Hate, I laughed so hard when I saw the Colvin prediction that my breakfast martini came out my nose. I agree it’s a character flaw, but I when I see unabashed nincompoopery I am entertained.