Story One: Man arrested for giving wicked wedgies, or snuggies, or melvyns, or whatever you call pulling the underwear over a nerd's head.

Story Two: Fifty Year Old School Teacher Gets Tanked on Cheap Wine, wrecks her van, offers to blow the cop if he lets her go.

Florida, I love you. You're just so fun!

Story #1:
Charles Ross is known for orchestrating outrageous pranks and posting them to Youtube. But this time, the 18-year-old prankster may have gone a step too far.

Ross was arrested for battery Sunday night after he allegedly gave a series of wedgies to moviegoers outside the Carmike Royal Palm 20 in Bradenton, Fla., while a friend filmed the prank, the Bradenton Herald reports.

The underwear prank, which Gawker calls a "wedgie spree," ended badly for Ross when a 20-year-old male victim reported to authorities that Ross grabbed him "by the back of his pants and pulled them up hard," according to the Smoking Gun. Although other victims of the schoolyard prank also came forward, the 20-year-old is the only one seeking charges.

On his Youtube channel, Ross has uploaded video footage of him performing a variety of pranks -- from doing handstands over people to trying out pick-up lines -- but the latest in his compilation is by far one of his most hands-on public displays.

According to the police report obtained by the Smoking Gun, Ross challenged the male victim following the wedgie, "asking if he wanted to hit him."

The Mantee County Sheriff's Office arrested Ross and detained him overnight. He was released on $750 bail, records show, and his court date is set for Feb. 14.

Though Ross' wedgie spree was meant in jest, this is not the first time someone has been arrested for doling out the uncomfortable underwear gag. In 2006, an Albany, N.Y., teacher was arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after allegedly giving a 10-year-old student a wedgie during summer school.

Story #2:
'A' for effort?
Middle school math teacher Mary Maloney allegedly offered oral sex to a police officer after being nabbed for a hit-and-run in Palm Beach County, Fla.

Maloney, 53, was arrested Sunday after she crashed her van into a pickup truck around 8:35 p.m., then took off, according to an arrest report obtained by the Sun Sentinel. A witness to the crash tracked Maloney's car to a parking spot and then called police.

The arresting officer said he found an empty gallon jug of wine behind Maloney's driver's seat and "immediately smelled the strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from her person," according to WPTV. The report states that her eyes were glassy, bloodshot, and partially closed.
The officer that drove Maloney to the police station noted that she asked him "How much do I need to pay you to just let me go? Don't you understand I am a school teacher?"

She then allegedly offered to perform oral sex on him and allow him to fondle her breasts.

Maloney was charged with driving under the influence, leaving the scene of a crash with damage, resisting an officer without violence, driving with a suspended license and attempted bribery of a public servant.

While driving the cart, Carr was allegedly drinking an alcoholic beverage he had taken off the shelf inside the store. He was knocking items off of shelves as he drove, according to police.

Carr allegedly told police he was a transient, and that he did not have money to pay for the alcohol. He was arrested on charges of disorderly intoxication and retail theft, according to WFLX. Because he has been arrested twice before for retail theft, this arrest was a felony.

Carr is by no means the first to be accused of driving drunk in a vehicle that's far from street-legal. In May, Joe Bruss pleaded guilty to driving a Zamboni drunk while cleaning the ice for pee-wee hockey players in Minnesota.

And in 2009, Kile Wygle was charged with drunk driving after allegedly crashing a motorized bar stool powered by a deconstructed lawn mower.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters are attractive young women, both doing well in their professional careers. "Melanie," who is 27, is married to "Sam," an extremely attractive and successful man.

My 30-year-old daughter, "Alicia," has been divorced for a year. Her marriage failed two years ago because she and her husband had an appetite for sex outside their marriage. While I was disturbed about that, I was horrified to learn that Melanie allows her sister to occasionally have sex with Sam.

Melanie's argument is that Sam is less likely to cheat given this situation. When I asked her and Sam about it, he said it wasn't his idea. My current husband says any man who would refuse this "set-up" would be nuts. Alicia claims she "doesn't have time" to date right now, and after she finishes her MBA, she'll seek out a more normal relationship.

I am distraught about this mess. Melanie says she wants to start a family soon. She says she loves Sam, who can "handle everything," and she enjoys seeing "everyone happy." She says Alicia won't sleep around now and, maybe, one day she'll marry a handsome man like Sam who will "return the favor"!

I can't believe these girls are my daughters. Should I continue to protest or let it go? Is this relaxed attitude about sex prevalent in young people today? I cannot understand Melanie's lack of desire to defend her turf. --

HEARTBROKEN MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR MOM: Your daughters appear to be into the concept of open marriage. Clearly, they do not view marriage and relationships the same way you do.
Melanie is naive to think that encouraging Sam to have a sexual relationship with her sister will discourage him from seeking other partners. Far from it. And as for her wanting to start a family, has she considered what will happen if her husband impregnates Alicia at the same time -- or first?

But back to your question: Are you right to protest? You certainly are. That's what mothers are for -- to inject a dose of sanity when everyone around her is losing theirs.

DEAR ABBY: My daughters are attractive young women, both doing well in their professional careers. "Melanie," who is 27, is married to "Sam," an extremely attractive and successful man.

My 30-year-old daughter, "Alicia," has been divorced for a year. Her marriage failed two years ago because she and her husband had an appetite for sex outside their marriage. While I was disturbed about that, I was horrified to learn that Melanie allows her sister to occasionally have sex with Sam.

I literally just read this story 2 minutes ago on Yahoo news and was going to post it here for you!

That's one lucky dude if these girls are really as hot as Mom says but I have my doubts......

__________________
---
"The only difference between sex for free and sex for money is that sex for free costs you a WHOLE LOT more!"~Redd Foxx~

Police said the child reeked of cat urine, and wore the same pull-ups to school on multiple occasions. They allege that the accused couple didn't allow him to get medication he needed, according to WLTX-TV.

The child's teachers told authorities they routinely gave him food and helped clean him, ABCActionNews.com reported.

The parents are each in jail on $5,000 bail and their son has been placed in alternative care, according to WTSP.com.

Spring Hill, Florida -- A Spring Hill mother was arrested and faces child neglect charges after deputies say her 10 year old son was found walking in the street, naked and drunk.

A couple out walking their dog stumbled across 31-year-old Nedra Byrd's son Thursday at 7:30 p.m. They took the boy to Amanda Roesch's home. She and her husband know the little boy because he's been over at their home many times before.

Amanda says, "They brought him here. We have kids that go to school with him."

The Hernando County Sheriff's office was called and detectives say when they arrived at the boy's home his mother didn't open the door. A man named James Shannon opened up and said he thought the child was in his room. Byrd they say was passed out on the couch and appeared drunk.

When she came to they say she too said she thought her son was in his room. When asked if she'd been drinking she reportedly said "Yeah. I'm drunk as hell."

Amanda adds, "This little boy he said all I want for my mommy is to go to rehab and to get anger management because mommy drinks to feel better cause she's mad. He's ten. Really? He had to to take care of mom how do you not know your child is naked drunk and missing?"

Detectives talked to the 10 year old who they say confirmed that his mother had been drinking Christian Brother's Brandy for most of the day. But the bombshell he told detectives was that his mother gave him four shots of the hard liquor. Roesch says, "He was so intoxicated he didn't realize that he didn't have any clothes on."

When asked, detectives say the child admitted he had drunk alcohol before.

The Department of Children and Families took the boy into custody, and later did bloodwork that showed the his blood alcohol content was .108.

Deputies found a half-empty bottle of Christian Brothers Brandy with a shot glass sitting on Byrd's kitchen counter.

Byrd was arrested on one count of child neglect, and placed on $1,000 bond. Friday around 5 p.m. she bonded out of jail.

Police said the child reeked of cat urine, and wore the same pull-ups to school on multiple occasions. They allege that the accused couple didn't allow him to get medication he needed, according to WLTX-TV.

The child's teachers told authorities they routinely gave him food and helped clean him, ABCActionNews.com reported.

The parents are each in jail on $5,000 bail and their son has been placed in alternative care, according to WTSP.com.

I don't even know why this was even posted. It's not strange or unusual.

I lived in Topeka from '78-81. I had a few friends whose parents NEVER cleaned their house. Saw the same shit in Missouri.

If we're going to post weird Florida news, it should be worth reading.

Ronald Howard Jr. of Bradenton, Fla. was sitting on the couch scratching his testicles Monday, the Sun Sentinel reported, when his live-in girlfriend, Shalamar Petrarca, told him to cut it out.

According to an arrest report obtained by The Smoking Gun, Petrarca, 25, told him that the scratching was rude and disgusting, and she was about to eat dinner.

In Petrarca's version of events, the 30-year-old Howard Jr. then "got in her face" and told her to stop judging him, the report states. He then allegedly pushed her into a corner -- where she fell and scraped her ankle -- then he threw her out of the home.

Deputies say that Howard's account is different, and that he said Petrarca punched him in the eye for "scratching his balls", and that he threw her out because he didn't want the situation to escalate.

The report states, however, that Howard appeared uninjured, while Petrarca had a scratch that matched her description of what happened. Ronald was arrested and charged with misdemeanor battery.