For reasons far beyond my comprehension, a woman has swum across the Atlantic Ocean. Jennifer Figge, 56, swam eight hours a day for the last month after leaving from the islands of Cape Verde, resting at night on the sailboat that accompanied her during her trip. Wow. It only took a month? Sounds like somebody’s sailboat was moving while she slept.

She saw a pod of pilot whales, several turtles, dozens of dolphins, plenty of Portuguese man-of-war — but no sharks. “I was never scared,” Figge said. “Looking back, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can always swim in a pool.” […]

Figge woke most days around 7 a.m., eating pasta and baked potatoes while she and the crew assessed the weather. Her longest stint in the water was about eight hours, and her shortest was 21 minutes. Crew members would throw bottles of energy drinks as she swam; if the seas were too rough, divers would deliver them in person. At night she ate meat, fish and peanut butter, replenishing the estimated 8,000 calories she burned a day.

What a wonderful story. An inspiring tale of someone doing something dull in order to be the first name in a record book that no one will look at. It was a tale of wetsuits, and turtles, and high-calorie diets. Who can ever forget this magical achievement? Besides everyone.