Monday, October 20, 2014

Dance of the Dead

Another nurse, "Belle," is very jealous of me when I work in the office. She always has her phone plastered to her ear. She wears a skirt and heals, which prevent her from walking, standing, or giving hands-on care. She won't answer a phone call, help a doctor, or speak to a patient. Most people don't bother with her because she is useless and usually nowhere to be found. New patients sometimes try to engage her, but quickly learn to not bother.

Belle's only display of effort is when she finds out that I am working in the office and not on a ward. Other nurses who work in the offices tell me that she passes through every morning and asks for me. I myself see her walk by every morning when I am in the office and ask, "So, are you working in here today?" A moment after seeing me, one of her buddies in the scheduling office would call me and tell me I was reassigned to Belle's ward. So I stopped answering the phone when they called. It would take a supervisor an hour or two to get to the office to tell me in person to move to Belle's ward.

I've worked with Belle in the past regularly and it was hell. She made it so. Dumped everything on me, disappeared, all sanctioned by her buddy supervisor. If something was not done, it was my fault because Belle had delegated it to me. Every person directed every concern at me because Belle is useless and would tell them that I was the person to go to. She would go to lunch and then call after she was due back and say, "I'm not returning from lunch because I just realized that I never took my morning coffee break. The supervisor said it was okay. Oh, I did not do any documentation because I was going to do it when I got back, but the supervisor said it was okay for me to give that to you to do."

I reported her and the supervisor. They both swore it never happened. As for my proof, the documentation was all in my name and handwriting because I got to it first, just so I could complain that I did it all.

The next time we worked together, Belle would scream that I was trying to get her in trouble when she did nothing wrong while in reality, she was being so good to me because I took longer than I should to give out medication.

So anyway, I was working in the office one day, successfully avoiding Belle and her phonecalls. At the close of the shift, she started calling. I did not pick up. Then she paged me overhead repeatedly to her location- STAT. Eventually one of the doctors saw me with my bag, trying to leave. The doctor told me I was needed STAT. That's ridiculous. I have no special skills or certifications that would necessitate my presence anywhere. I decided to go over to Belle's ward to cover my ass. Belle had on her jacket and was clutching her purse.

"There you are!" so scolded me. "This patient is having chest pain right as I'm trying to leave, and the next shift isn't here yet. Good luck. Bye."

I was so pissed. "You call a Code Blue if you need help. How dare you try to dump your compromised patient on me." I ran off the ward before she could.

I locked myself in the office with the lights off. I didn't know Belle's next move, but I figured it would be to screw me over, and I thought that if I was there, I could help myself somehow.

Soon enough, a supervisor was banging on the office door. "Enid! Are you there? We need help!"

I opened the door with my bag in my hand. I decided to act like nothing was wrong. "I was just leaving. Are you okay?"

"Didn't Belle tell you? A patient is having chest pain!"

"Medical emergencies happen all the time here," I responded. "I'm not clear on why you are in the office section looking for help when there are nurses on the floor to deal with this exact situation."

"Just go over there and help them!" the supervisor quipped and ran away.

They could so easily spin this into a story about how I (not Belle) abandoned a patient, specially tailored for the Board of Nursing to revoke my license.

I walked back over to Belle's ward. She was on the desk phone and did not see me approach. "Enid is in her car. She just left this patient to die. I asked her for help and she acted like she is too good to help anyone." Two other nurses, both with their jackets and bags in hand, saw me approach and were surprised, but said nothing.

When Belle turned around and saw me, her reaction was priceless. She dropped the phone and her mouth. "I . . . I . . . didn't know where you were," Belle stammered.

"Yet that didn't stop you from telling a supervisor that you knew that I was in my car. How did you see through buildings and trees to see me inside my car?"

"I thought you left," Belle tried explaining.

"Well now that you see that I did not leave, are you going to call back the supervisor and tell him that you were mistaken and that I was actually standing right behind you the entire time?"

Belle stood there.

"Where is this dead patient you spoke of?" I asked Belle.

Another nurse giggled. "He's right there, the one dancing to the music on the television."