Diana Boggia: Sensory integration disorder in children

Diana Boggia

Thursday

May 26, 2011 at 12:01 AMMay 26, 2011 at 4:51 AM

I was introduced to a mom who said her 9-year-old daughter was causing so many problems within their family that it was nearly destroying her marriage. She reported that their 7-year-old son was so easygoing and compliant, but their daughter had been “difficult” since birth.

(First of four parts)

I was introduced to a mom who said her 9-year-old daughter was causing so many problems within their family that it was nearly destroying her marriage. She reported that their 7-year-old son was so easygoing and compliant, but their daughter had been “difficult” since birth.

She said her daughter never wanted to be touched, and she even arched her back when held as a baby, so cuddling and bonding were difficult. Having her daughter reject her touch since birth put an emotional wedge between them.

Now, at 9 years old, when mom approaches, she screams, “Don’t touch me!” because she had learned through years of conflict that her mom would leave her alone when she got to that point. So much damage had been done already.

Pain problem?

Her daughter’s high tolerance for pain was a concern because she would fall from heights, get bruised or skin her knee, and she would not be bothered by any of it.

Her refusal to come in, get cleaned up, get a bandage or have an injury looked at caused continuous problems, as her indifference was interpreted as belligerent noncompliance.

She would refuse to wear a coat during winter months, as if immune to the bitter cold. This caused daily morning stress.

Her daughter was “extremely fussy” with foods, making every mealtime unpleasant for everyone, as she would refuse to eat or find reasons to get up from the table. She developed a pattern of needing to use the bathroom, insisting it was an emergency during every meal.

Most of her food had to be placed in the freezer to cool down while the rest of the family ate their warm meal, making mom angry and believing that this was just another manipulative, negative way to get attention.

Getting dressed each morning was a struggle, and now, in elementary school, “what to wear” was driving mom into madness and her daughter into isolation, as she refused to wear anything except for two or three favorite pants and shirts, which were worn, torn and old. No matter what cute outfit Mom had in mind, it never got worn, leaving Mom to feel defeated and unwilling to buy any new clothes for her daughter.

Her daughter complained about the seams of her socks, the feel of her shoes and the inseams of anything long-sleeved that touched her arms. She wore her few (comfortable, old) clothes over and over, refusing to have them washed. Mom’s “house rule” was to bring dirty clothes down to the laundry room, which her daughter never did, so they were at a standoff.

Then there was difficulty with bathing. When mom would run a bath or offer a shower, her daughter would scream that it was always too hot, saying the shower felt like prickly needles on her back. When Mom did manage to physically get her into the shower, her daughter would stand to the side, avoiding the water, and she would come out only slightly wet and just as dirty and smelly as before.

She absolutely refused to wash her hair, which remained greasy and smelly. She also refused to have her greasy hair brushed or pulled back into a ponytail, so it just hung down in strings.

Mom said she was embarrassed with her daughter’s appearance and angry with her defiant behavior.

Thinking positive

I got the general picture that many normal, daily functions were met with defiance, meltdowns and tantrums.

I asked Mom to try one positive strategy for each area of concern, and approach her daughter in a quiet, loving tone, as her anger was evident in her voice, even as she spoke to me about their broken relationship.

Next week: Outlining a plan for Sensory Integration Disorder.

Diana Boggia, M.Ed., is a parenting educator in Stark County whose column appears weekly in The Canton (Ohio) Repository. Send your child-rearing questions to Family Matters@cantonrep.com or The Repository, c/o Family Matters, 500 Market Ave. S, Canton OH 44702. Find additional parenting resources, along with links to all of her Repository columns, at Diana Boggia’s website,
www.yourperfectchild.com.

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