I Said. She Said.

What I thought would be the end of a quiet week turned out to be one of those days that is just meant to go bad. No, it wasn’t a total nightmare like the way it was projected. However, it was a little disappointing that despite of being careful and being wary about what to say, somehow and in someway you will still be misunderstood. It is unbelievable how “MIGHT NOT” can automatically mean “NO” to other people. And that “HOLD ON” is a phrase not everyone is willing to take. That maybe, simply giving a person some time can probably solve a question before it becomes a problem. As far as I can remember, I never had any issues taking accountability to errors from my side. If they are my mistakes, why will I let someone be responsible for it? It was and will never be my intention to mislead or provide false information to anyone – specially to a person that I worked hard to please for 6 months to gain just a fraction of her confidence. It will never give me anything in return, nor will it make me feel good as a person. What was said was not even half of what transpired on the conversation. I just couldn’t help but smile sarcastically. All the effort I invested were completely forgotten and now totally gone to waste.

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All I am asking is to be given a little benefit of the doubt. For six months, I never ran away from any responsibility. I tried to remain honest and gave straight answers. Today is not an exception. This is a classic case of I-Said, She-Said and it is up to that third person to weigh everything. I might have failed to recount the story when I was asked but it will never change the fact. One of my co-worker said I have to start defending myself, that I have to speak up and say something. For what reason though? Would it be not enough that I tried to correct it but still wasn’t good? Again, I will not waste anybody’s time just to look good.

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Everyday at work is such a challenge. Seriously, if you ask me if I love what I do I honestly will say no. I am looking forward to something bigger than this and hopefully it will happen soon. But even if this is NOT where my heart is, I still value what I do, gave the best that I can, and I provide what is ask of me without questions and complaints. If these characters don’t define me as one good worker, then I don’t know what more should I do. I learned a lot of techniques on how to stay on the safe side of things and I started tracking my productivity after some problems that aroused on who did what. For eight hours everyday, I see an average of 70 patients (not adding those ones that calls in for help and instructions). And to not please ONE out of the many and to be judged because of it is just disheartening. But as one said, why would I be surprised?

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This job is toughening me up every minute of everyday. With things like these and several more issues, I feel like the natural good in me is wearing thin (just like Dee). I am afraid one day I will end up to be the opposite of who I am. That is why I am in a hurry to salvage whatever is left of me. From the thousands and thousands of people we see and meet in our lifetime, there are those that will be remembered. The people who are very nice to you, those ones that made a big difference in your life. And those ones that stand on the opposite side, those that think they walk in water. One thing that I never fail to remember that I always try to hold on to just to be more considerate to others is the fact that I will never be able to please everyone. I know we all come from different walks in life and traveled unique journey. With that said, I am going to leave this as it is.

Like always, I am very close to choosing the way out. I want to ran away… to escape. This place of work is one of the best around the Nation but perhaps somewhere out there is a better one for me. And I am on the hunt. ‘Til then, I will be blogging about the little mishaps I go through, and hope they won’t happen that often.

About The Author

I am an Igorota now based in California. I was born and raised in a valley nestled between the pine-forest zones of Cordillera. I am proud of my unique culture and pristine traditions. My ethnicity differentiates me from others, it defines me in a way that no other words can. I take pride in my ancestors' heritage passed from one generation to another. I embrace the rich history that makes up my individuality and respect the land that cradles the place I forever will call home...