Quit the Blame Game

Life is an interesting game … a zig zag journey. There’s stuff we plan and do, there’s stuff we try, fail and learn from, then there’s unexpected stuff that’s thrown across our path that challenges us to choose our responses – carefully. There are times to play hard, there are times to go with the flow, there are times to watch and observe, and there are times to walk away.

All of this creates who we are. How we respond showcases who we are – our values, our strengths, and our weaknesses. When things don’t go your way, choosing to be a victim, hang with the victims, or focus on blaming others, is a weakness … it’s just lame.

I’ve recently been rather gobsmacked while observing quite strong and unresourceful blaming behaviour within my local community. So many people seem to wallow and get stuck in the blame game, to the point that it creates misguided anger towards other individuals and divides whole sections of the community, shunning any logical thought processing or genuine attempt to understand. Seems like it’s all about ‘the game’ and creating drama for some; divide and conquer at all cost … and the cost is massive!

Yes, ok … we’ve just been through Local Government electioneering of late, but that doesn’t make this blaming behaviour any more acceptable or right. To say: ‘sorry, I didn’t mean it … it’s just politics’, after direct slurs and deliberate blaming has occurred, is totally unethical behaviour for would-be community leaders. You are not ‘two people’ … you are always ‘the whole you’, and always responsible for your behaviour.

It’s perhaps helpful to recognise that small minded people blame others for their current unhappy situation. This behaviour is a sign of immaturity; underdeveloped Emotional Intelligence [EQ] that generally indicates low levels of self-awareness, self-control, personal resilience, agility to accept and adapt to change, and situational intelligence [just to name a few of the 26 EQ competencies from a framework we regularly use with our clients].

Rather than being open to a variety of perspectives and gaining broad understanding of the whole situation, so as to respond in a thoughtful, mature and rational way; those who lash out defensively and look to blame are choosing to be a victim. That’s right … it’s a choice; because everyone is responsible for how they respond to stuff that happens. Your responses are always YOUR choice.

You can’t control what happens, but you can totally control how you respond.

When you blame others, you are actually portraying that you are powerless over your own life; which also indicates low personal power levels [another essential EQ competency]. Some people try to look more powerful, important and strong, by using the blame game to try to diminish the power of others, with the intent to make their own light shine brighter. They would do well to remember this:

Blowing another’s candle out, does not make yours burn brighter.

In fact … all it does is makes a lot of unwelcome, choking smoke! It also demonstrates an inept weakness in emotional intelligence levels and maturity.

Don’t blame -> Take Responsibility … remember these points:

Blaming others won’t solve your problems

Only YOU can solve your problems – take responsibility for your situation

Understand your situation – within you is both the problem AND the solution

There is always something you can do to fix your situation – you always have choices

Blaming others is such a wasteful use of your time and blocks the opportunities that challenging situations can provide you. It builds walls that restrict your view of possible solutions and your ability to work collaboratively. It takes time and energy away from improving yourself, learning and growing.

Far better to focus on YOU – what worked? … what didn’t? … what did you learn? … what will you change? Take responsibility for your actions and outcomes … accept your situation, change it, or leave it. Blaming is madness!

Emotionally intelligent leaders know there is no place for blaming others. If it’s time for you to build more muscle in leadership intelligence, ask us about our popular LQ Program.

The moment you take responsibility for everything in your life, is the moment you can change anything in your life– Hal Elrod.