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Tuesday, March 8, 2016

He Doesn’t Have To Go Home, But He Can’t Stay Here

Poor deeply depressed David Brooks. The New York Times columnist continues his embarrassing public display of utter despair at the decline of his beloved Republican Establishment, with this drunken rant from the GOP bar:

"It’s 2 a.m. The bar is closing. Republicans have had a
series of strong and nasty Trump cocktails. Suddenly Ted Cruz is
beginning to look kind of attractive. At least he’s sort of predictable,
and he doesn’t talk about his sexual organs in presidential debates!

Well, Republicans, have your standards really fallen so low so fast?
Are you really that desperate? Can you remember your 8 p.m. selves, and
all the hope you had about entering a campaign with such a deep bench of
talented candidates?"

Oh, you thought we were kidding, didn't you? You could not have
imagined Brooks was quite literally drowning his GOPe sorrows, trying to
find some reason not to call it a night just yet. Silly you.Brooks is knocking back shot after shot of 150-proof denial, and it
isn’t pretty. He knows the dreadfully uncouth swaggering Donald
Trump is ahead in the primary, with Ted Cruz and his “pagan brutalism” in second place. But if the party could just think back to an earlier time, when David Brooks’s boyfriend Marco Rubio
was the obvious best choice, according to people named David Brooks and
no one else really, perhaps Brooks won't have to go home alone:

"There is another path, one that doesn't leave you
self-loathing in the morning. It's a long shot, but given the
alternatives, it’s worth trying. First, hit the pause button on the rush
to Cruz. Second, continue the Romneyesque assault on Trump. The results
on Saturday, when late voters swung sharply against the Donald, suggest
it may be working..."

Oh yes he did say “Romneyesque assault.”And, assuming the Romneyesque assault fails to turn things around, Brooks has some more fever dreams that just might work:

Third, work for a Marco Rubio miracle in
Florida on March 15. Fourth, clear the field for John Kasich in Ohio. If
Rubio and Kasich win their home states, Trump will need to take nearly 70 percent of the remaining delegates to secure a majority. That would be unlikely; he’s only winning 44 percent of the delegates now.

And if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump its ass a-hoppin’. But since Kasich is currently a few points behind in his own state, and Rubio isbehind in his home state, let's live dangerously and imagine those precious ifs don't come to pass.

"It would be bedlam for a
few days, but a broadly acceptable new option might emerge. It would be
better than going into the fall with Trump, which would be a moral
error, or Cruz, who in November would manage to win several important
counties in Mississippi."

Ah, a new option could emerge from a brokered convention! Perhaps a Rubio-shaped one? Or a Romney-shaped one?

"The hour is late and the odds may be long. But there is still hope."

No, David Brooks, there is no hope. The bar is closed, the lights are
off, and all the pretty girls have paired off with The Donald or
Ted. And while you, David Brooks, might be imagining some imaginary
moderate Republican candidate with imaginary broad appeal who can save
the GOP from itself at 2 a.m., look around, pal, because you’re the only
one left here.

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is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning example of a placental mammal, who casually shrugs off a promising career as a technical innovator and major driving force in the recording industry to write about politics on the Internet. Also, she is very modest, and truthful. She presently resides in a broken down voodoo shack somewhere in the wilds of Northwest Louisiana.

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