Sweet'n'Creamy Spaghetti Sauce

Sweet'n'Creamy Spaghetti Sauce is damned near the only thing I can cook, and I feel confident that offering up the recipe will someday yield a reward of some description for someone. Full of good whole foods, it's pretty much a meal in and of itself, served over a little fettucine. It's cheap, fast, and easy. And it's really, really good. If you're so moved, go ahead and rock it:

Please note that, not being a cook and being fervently against using recipes, what I've written here may not be the clearest thing to follow. It's all about your own good judgement. Thankfully, it's difficult to mess up. Taste as you go and it should all work out splendidly.

First, chop up the garlic and the onion and saute them in a pan with olive oil on medium-high heat. You can be done with that part when the onions are translucent.

While you're sauteeing, chop up your tomato, and your basil, if need be. The tomato reduces best when chopped in half lengthwise, then sliced across to make lots of little half-circles. When the onion and garlic are nicely sauteed, dump all the tomato into the pan, trying to get as much of the juice in as possible (this is handy for preventing burning). If anything begins to stick or, worse, to burn, add more olive oil. Stir, stir, stir.

Cook the tomatoes until you can't really recognize them as such anymore, and remember to keep tasting the sauce. If it needs more of anything, now's the time to add it. Once the tomatoes get mushy and their skins are wrinkly and not really attached to the tomato insides anymore (usually about 5-10 minutes, depending on your oven and the size of your pan), it's a good time to add the cream.

Add the cream. Do some more stirring. As long as nothing seems to be sticking, throw a light layer of parmesan cheese on top of the stuff in the pan. Let it melt a little, then start stirring again. Once the cheese is satisfactorily dissolved, add salt and pepper to taste.

The sauce is done when it's evenly mixed, not too lumpy (it should look more like tomato sauce than salsa), and you can stick a utensil in and bring it out lightly coated with tomato-y goodness. Tada! Dump it on some noodles (you have to figure out how to make those on your own), and eat it.

The optional part:

You can also throw meat in, if you want. It's best to cook the chicken (or shrimp or beef hearts or pig's feet or whatever strikes your fancy - just be sure you know how to cook it) before you begin the sauce. That way, it's ready when you need it, and you can reuse the pan and not have so many dishes to do.

Like with the sauce, you should cut up and sautee your onions and garlic first. Chop the chicken into small, chicken strip-sized strips. (The same size as chicken on a salad from a diner or chain restaurant.) When the onions are translucent, throw the chicken in. Remember, you can't add too much olive oil. Better safe than sorry.

For the sake of good timing, chop your tomato once you've got the chicken in the pan, in the same way you'll chop it for the sauce. Throw it in once the chicken's had about 5 minutes alone with the onions and garlic.