This is what a good friend of mine told me many years ago, but it still applies today—as it will always.

I’m going through a rough patch and can say the past year has been the hardest in my life. Problems just kept escalating. I described some of them to my friends, and they said those issues sounded like Kafkaesque nightmares. Although this time in my life has made me much stronger, at one point I’ve reached the end of my rope. I felt like a machine, living day in day out to solve one problem after another. I would wake up in the morning already startled and stressed out.

Things continued to escalate: it seemed they were always moving one step forward and two steps backward. I broke down. I had no joy in my life, only issues and worries that never seemed to go away. Every time I solved a problem, another would come along.

And yet, despite all difficulties, I was surrounded by so much love from family and friends. They gave me incredible support, not to mention luck crossed my path several times during this period. I counted my blessings and, on the other hand, was so dissatisfied with my life.

It dawned on me I needed to assess the meaning of all this mess. I think it is a message for me to have Faith and leave things in the capable hands of the Universe—that’s how I call God. When we are experiencing difficulties, we fail to see the big picture. What we want and believe to be ideal is often not the best for us, and hence it’s not meant to be. Our struggle to have things our way is futile. The Universe plots in our favor so we can learn what we need to follow our path to happiness and spiritual evolution. Often that doesn’t happen in a straight line as we would like.

I was under incredible stress trying to keep my life under control. I decided to let that go. I accepted I could not control life and trusted the best solutions would eventually come my way. This switch gave me peace, like I hadn’t felt in a very long time. With my mind filled with worry and anxiety, I had lost touch with myself. That’s what happens when you are in a mental turmoil: the mind is not your essence and, when you’re distracted by your mind, you’re no longer centered. Once you’re not centered, you lose touch with your essence—that divine sparkle that connects you to God and the gods.

If you want guidance and help from the divine realm, you need to be centered: you need to be home, that is, connected to your true, essential self.

Otherwise, how can the gods answer your call if when they knock at your door you’re not home?

The saying goes that, when the student is ready, the teacher comes along. But when are you ready for the lesson? The answer is: when understanding reaches your heart and gets in sync with your mind.

There are two stages to true understanding. They are key on the path to self-awareness that brings closure to emotional problems. The first stage is when, after reflecting on a given issue (it could be insecurity, jealousy, anger), you understand its emotional roots from a rational standpoint. You analyze it and comprehend the internal dynamics that lead you to that particular irrational response—now you know how to solve the problem. It’s the first step to healing.

The second stage is when, after dealing consciously with the problem, the solution finally touches your heart. You see, the problem originated in your heart—your emotion—and a solution will never be validated until it reaches it. When that happens, it feels like a moment of true revelation, and the problem dissolves.

Another crucial aspect for healing is self-acceptance. We are told we should always be positive: negative emotions such as fear or anger should not be displayed at the risk of tarring our image. As a result, we tend to ignore or reject our negative feelings. We then develop two sides: the smiley face we show to the world, and the scarecrow we hide in the basement.

Take a good look at him, though. That scarecrow is a part of you. Accept him, establish communication, come to terms with him. You two can certainly work things out. Pat your scarecrow on the head, explain to him it’s OK to feel that way but it’s not productive, so what could the two of you do to dissolve the negative feelings?

Wouldn’t you do that for a friend or another being? Then why do you deny it to your own self?

You’ll never be whole if you reject that part of yourself. You will never be truly happy and in peace. The greatest trigger for fear is avoidance. The more you avoid an inner demon, the more you fantasize about how ugly it is, and the scarier it becomes.

Don’t beat yourself up for having negative feelings. Embrace them as part of you and your human nature.