A ‘University of Toronto’ (actually the Scarborough Campus, which, in the time I worked there, didn’t even bother to pretend that it was anything other than a cynical attempt to cash in on the first and second generation Canadians in the area who wanted to go to school close to home) ‘professor’ (actually a spousal hire– her husband is a dean) is using the school’s imprimatur to push ‘alternative vaccines’ and a whole suite of homeopathic garbage.

And yes, it is garbage. But the thing is, you already knew that. So does Rona Ambrose, the Minister of Health who flatly refuses to stop completely inert bottles of water from being sold as “homeopathic vaccines.” Both the University and the Ministry of Health are showing us one of the inherent problems in determining your course of action by algorithm. Without bothering to reconstruct it, I am willing to bet any amount of money that their data analysts have found that people brainwashed into believing in homeopathy– and the criminals who exploit them by selling distilled water for $1000/litre– will absolutely change the way they vote or donate money based on your stance re: homeopathy. On the other hand we ‘non-stupids’ generally can’t be arsed to care, because it’s just too dumb to think about. So the algorithm will always say you should cater to the stupids– especially the extreme-stupid fringe.

Should we expect better from public servants and public institutions? Yes. Will we get better? No, not while there is money to be had from being awful.

In yet further news of why your alternative medical practitioner is NOT a doctor, the Canadian College of Homeopathic Medicine has issued a series of statements regarding the dangers of vaccines.

This news arrives following a scandal at Queen’s University in Kingston, ON, where an adjunct and poorly-qualified faculty member posted slides about the potential pitfalls of vaccination. Not to mention a widespread measles outbreak in the US following an infectious child at Disneyland.

Guys, vaccines don’t cause autism. Or any other harm, except a brief pain in the arm. Yes, this makes children cry. It hurts! Try to think back to the last time you got a shot (if you’re a hard-core anti-vaxxer, this was probably when you were a teenager; otherwise, you should be getting a tetanus booster once a decade.) It feels like being punched in the arm by The Rock for a few days. Guess what? Then it gets better. That’s not nearly as bad as paralysis, blindness, deafness, permanent scarring, or any of the other possible side effects of once common illnesses (not to mention, of course, the ultimate side effect: death).

The “science” behind anti-vaccination is about as scientific as the medieval advice to wear weasel testicles as a contraceptive. An unvaccinated child is not healthier: they are at risk for many diseases. Some of these, like chicken pox, are indeed relatively mild — when you have them as a child. (I got the chicken pox as an adult, before the vaccine. IT SUCKS.) Others, like the measles or polio, can be devastating. Two real, historical examples:

Measles and smallpox decimated the native populations of the Americas when Westerners arrived in the 15th and 16th centuries. Without any protection — that is, without vaccines — these peoples were left utterly helpless against infection. Of course, what they did have was traditional medicine — and it was totally useless. But how, you may wonder, were Europeans safely carrying the virus without getting sick? It was because generations of survival gave them natural antibodies — that is, the earliest version of vaccination.

Of course, if you’re already convinced that vaccines are a giant cover-up designed to turn your precious spawn into drooling idiots, you probably believe in a lot of other nonsense, too. So: can I sell you some weasel testicles?