Back at Work…Back In the Real World

July 7, 2003/

Well, being off work for a week was great, but Phil and I have worked like dogs. Stripping wallpaper, artexing, painting, etc. It will take ages to get the house in shape, but we’ve got a good start on it.

I’ve had some interesting dreams recently: “meaningful” dreams, if you know what I mean. Both occured in the minutes just before I woke up, and I woke with the dream very strong in my mind. The first had to do with creativity, and the second with going back to what I’m good at, what I love.

Specifically, the second involved going back to working with horses and teaching children, something that I’ve really missed.

The first involved a modern art project (normally something I would NOT be interested in); but I rather liked the idea. Most people are familiar with the Venus of Willendorf, the exaggerated female fertility symbol, all breasts and belly, with head and limbs just suggested. In my dream I had created a modern-day, white-trash version of that: the Barbie of Medford. lol… Done in plastic, blonde barbie hair pulled back, hint of blue eyeshadow, hint of thong showing in back, and crop top pulled up over a pregnant belly. Kind of a trailer-park earthmother. I don’t know if anyone over here will really understand that reference. ;) Strange idea, yes, but it had been so long since I’d created anything, I was still filled with joy when I woke.

I think the dreams had to do with being upset with Phil for being self-centered and dismissive of anything that I do. I know it’s just his way, and he does really care for me, but I really miss the support. I miss having someone interested in what I do, someone to believe in my ability. I have fallen into a vicious circle of self-doubt, and so in recent years I have stopped creating anything.

I miss it.

Share this:

Like this:

3 Comments

wandringsoul

I’m rather hurt by being described as self-centred and dismissive…I may not ‘gush’ as much as your average American ( no offence Americans!), but I’m not dismissive…I love the things you create, but to be fair, you’ve not stopped creating over the period we’ve been together, you had stopped prior to us getting together…I’ve always said I wished you’d go back to doing your photography, or painting, or digital work…it’s a shame to have a talent and not use it…

As for self-centred – sorry – but we’re both opinionated – very strongly…and if I don’t agree with the colour of paint you’d like on the wall, or if I don’t like the brass fish-eye mirrors, then it’s just my opinion, we each have one – and sometimes they don’t coincide…life would be boring if they did.

But – it’s hard to disagree with you, because you take it as a personal slur, and it’s not – it’s just me not liking a colour, or a mirror – not a comment on you personally, I just wish I could make that clearer…

I love you – unconditionally…and have HUGE respect and admiration for your talents – I wish I had half your creativity.

uathsaille

Ah, love – I knew that you were going to take exception to that. We’ve talked about this, talked it to death…and I don’t know if we’ll ever have a solution. I love you, though…and we’ll work it out. :)

owlslight

I think the trashy/earthmother idea is fabulous. And I would think that it is probably a staple image in most modern cultures. Perhaps there it might be more tinker-ish than trailerpark-ish, though.

And if you love working with horses and children, then do it!

Have had some fairly meaningful dreams myself of late and am wondering what message they hold for me.

Just this morning I dreamt very vividly of my daughter meeting her biological father. I’m torn between wondering if it is a premonition or the manifestation of my fear. The dream had a pleasant feel to it rather than fearful, but I can’t imagine a meeting irl would go so well.

I’m also having some very confusing thoughts regarding religion/spirituality of late. Christianity is something I’ve always rejected. It just never felt “right” for me. And though I’m still not a fan of organized religion… I am wondering if I may be passing over something that might add some meaning to my life.