The First Five Minutes of the ‘Gossip Girl’ Season Premiere!

Above, for your viewing ecstasy, is the first five minutes of the season premiere of Gossip Girl, which doesn’t really tell you much about the episode (except that, ironically, everyone but Serena is a slut) but will certainly build up your enthusiasm. Can you believe we’ve waited an entire summer for this? The anticipation has been unbearable. If you’ve ever given up sex, you know what the feeling is like. You start seeing it everywhere you look, even at the most inappropriate times, like at church, or while Ted Kennedy is speaking at the Democratic National Convention. Hell, when Estelle Getty died last month, we found ourselves randomly thinking, “Hey, do you think Grandma Rhodes will be back on Gossip Girl next season?” And don’t even get us started on what we were imagining while Kelly Ripa was looking for the genitalia of the 44-pound cat on Live. Monday can’t come soonenough.