Sprout Disaster Fear

Prime Minister, David Cameron, has made a desperate bid to stop the Brussels Sprout mountain getting any bigger. Currently British tax papers are having to contribute £30 million annually to keep the Sprout Mountain in place. Next year the European Community intends to increase the number of sprouts so Britain would have to pay an extra £6 million.

'We cannot allow this to happen at a time of austerity' declared Cameron but Angela Merkel told Cameron to do as he was told. 'Cameron forgets we need the sprouts for Christmas. He seems to think they can be grown and stored without adequate subsidy. Brussels sprouts are not to be sneezed at.'

Others have accused Britain of being anti-Christmas. The Pope backed the increase in subsidy for sprouts and declared: 'Britain is in the grip of atheists who want to destroy all signs of Christianity. We must have sprouts at Christmas. Brussels must put the God deniers in their place.'

Research by the Institute of Sprout Growers pointed out that there had been a downward trend in sprout eating in Britain, by 5% measured against GDP, and called on the Government to introduce a Sprout Drive this Christmas.

'Brussels Sprouts are good for you' said a spokesperson 'we have little enough to smile about nowadays. Let's forget our economic pain with an adequate supply of Sprouts this Christmas.'

David Cameron's poll rating dipped in the latest polls as his economic Sprout Policy came under scrutiny.

'It's a shambles' said Ed Miliband in the House of Commons to rousing cheers 'the Prime Minister is taking a frightening gamble with Brussels Sprouts.'

The belief in Westminster is that Cameron may have to go to the country before Christmas to avert riots in the street.

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