Friday, June 06, 2008

(10:29 PM) | Adam Kotsko:

First Jesus, now Batman?

Thinking about the new Batman movie and the new franchise generally, I have come up with the basic plot for a future sequel that introduces Robin. First of all, as will become clear, this plot absolutely requires that Gael García Bernal be cast as Robin.

I don't know how Robin should end up being taken under Bruce Wayne's wing, but I think he needs to come from a lower-class background -- maybe there could a scene where he disrupts one of Bruce Wayne's parties, illustrating that he's a kind of foreign intrusion of energy into an otherwise hermetically sealed world. After he leaves in a huff, Bruce goes up to his room to comfort him, Robin is initially hostile -- but it's because he's embarrassed. You see, he's developed something of a fascination with Bruce, and his impetuous nature leads him to make a move. Bruce is shocked, but receptive. They start an affair -- preferably secret, to work with the whole secret identity angle, etc.

So Batman and Robin are gay -- this is no big surprise. The elegance of this solution, though, is that it explains why Robin is out there putting his life on the line with Batman -- he's doing it out of love. As I said, I haven't worked out how Robin comes to be in need of housing at the Wayne mansion, but it probably shouldn't be because his parents are murdered -- both because that would presumably make him underage and, more importantly, because it would heighten the contrast between Batman's grim quest for vengeance and Robin's youthful exuberance. Also, it would be elegant in that the same character trait that caused Robin to make an advance would also lead him to be implacable in his quest to find out what it is that Bruce is doing every night, as well as to decide that he needs to participate -- probably through some scene where he ends up coming along and his life is endangered. Batman says: "Never do that to me again!" Robin retorts: "Since I'm coming along with you from now on, I guess you'll need to train me so I can fend for myself!" (The dialogue could use some work.)

Probably Batman needs to be really grudging about the whole thing, until Robin finally proves himself by saving Batman's life in the course of the dramatic final confrontation with the villain.

I totally think it would work. America's ready for a gay Batman, and I'm ready for the millions of dollars this would bring me.