College Lifestyle Blog

September 27, 2015

CRU Fall Retreat 2015

{Me, Anna, Keri}{Me + Sarah, my discipler, friend, and pretty much school mom. Thank goodness.}{Me + Most of my bible study. Very, very thankful for them.}Today I got back from Fall Retreat with CRU and I just wanted to write a little bit about what God did this weekend.

Like I mentioned in my last post, going into this weekend I was feeling apathetic and frankly worried about being bored. I was expectant of God’s movement through the weekend, and He definitely spoke into my life. Thankful for His consistency and determination to pursue me, and his excessive gifts {particularly people} that made this weekend really fun for me.

One of the biggest realizations I’ve had lately is that my biggest, wildest dream for my life is to live the American Dream… to have a husband, a family, stable jobs we love, and a house we can invite friends and family into to live life together. Most of the time I’m really content with that, and it seems so unattainable. And then some days I just think, “SURELY that isn’t all.”

That can’t really be my biggest, craziest, wildest, scariest dream. Some days I really hope that isn’t God’s wildest dream for my life.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

-C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I want a husband and a house and a family because I want to be radically loved and wanted. I want to have a place secure enough that I can give others comfort. Having a husband and a house would be a great way to obtain those things, but having a those things might not be in the cards for me. I might become chronically ill and be unable to make any money to live comfortably. I might never meet anyone. I might never find a place I like enough to be home. I think I’m realizing in my head- not quite in my heart yet, but I’m getting there- that those things will not make me feel how I think they will feel. But God absolutely will. I will not be secure and stable and happy because my job makes me feel cool, but because the God of the universe thinks I’m cool enough to save and befriend.

I’m realizing that the more I know God, the more I believe that He is right when He says that He is enough.