10 Tricks For A Sexier Bedroom

Maybe it’s the dirty socks on the floor, the cold, or the episode of Downton Abbey cued up on the laptop between you in bed—there are hundreds of reasons why couples let their sex life just, well, slip. But whether you’ve been together two years or 20, you can get back to the days when you could turn on the passion with the raise of an eyebrow. How? Start by taking a good look at the state of your bedroom.

“The bedroom is a place for intimacy that can and should be separate from the other rooms in your home,” says Ian Kerner, sexuality counselor and founder of goodinbed.com. But creating an oasis for intimacy means more than just changing the sheets. Instead, use these simple tips to prime your place for intimacy.

By all means, celebrate your achievements, but according to Ann Bingley Gallops, feng shui expert and founder of Open Spaces Feng Shui your bedroom is the one place you shouldn’t display so-called “selfish objects,” such as diplomas, medals, certificates, and even exercise equipment. “Those types of objects aren’t about intimacy, they’re about your public life,” she says. “And when you’re surrounded by objects of self improvement, the experience is no longer about connecting with another person.” Replace those framed certificates with inspiring wall art, and if there’s nowhere else in the house for your exercise bike, try installing a curtain or decorative partition around it. That way, your mind stays fixated on who you are as a couple at the moment—not your decorated past or hopes for a better future.

You keeping your lotion on a big beautiful bedside table while he keeps his newspaper on top of the overflowing hamper might work for you, but it’s a common red flag Gallops sees in the bedrooms. “You have to create a sense of equality on each side of the bed so each person feels they have equal stake in the bedroom,” she says. The easiest way to establish equality in the bedroom (and, in turn, your relationship) is with symmetrical bedside décor. Gallops suggests matching bedside tables and eye-level lamps that “spread a flattering wash of light” over the bed.

3. Use color wisely

Red is the universal color for passion and love—and for good reason. “We have two responses to color; one is biological, and one is psychological,” says Leslie Harrington, executive director of The Color Association, a color understanding and design consulting service. “When you see red, it increases your blood pressure, quickens the pace of your heart, warms the body, and generates energy.” Psychologically, our association between red and love is also learned; just take a look at any greeting card aisle in February. But that doesn’t mean you should go on a crimson decorating spree. Harrington suggests you use red sparingly—and strategically. A set of deep-red sheets against a white wall will pop; or go with white or pale-pink sheets but wear a red nighty.

4. Lock it up

Get rid of distractions—even potential ones—by making sure your door has a lock option. “Even a simple clasp lock helps alleviate the concern that the kids are going to come in,” says Kerner. When privacy is guaranteed, so is your focus on each other.

5. Check under the bed

In the world of feng shui, even inanimate objects give off positive or negative chi. So it’s no surprise that storing former tax papers, pictures of old boyfriends, outdated art, or other negative objects under the bed is a huge no-no. “You don’t want those negative vibes within inches of your body all night long,” she says. What you should keep under the bed: emotionally neutral objects like linens, extra pillows and quilts, off-season clothing, and old (but beloved!) books.

6. Leave technology downstairs

Letting him rub your shoulders after a long day? Definitely sexy. Hearing him say, “Wait, I have to check that message” while you're trying to put the moves on? Not so much. Keep unnecessary technology out of the bedroom, suggests Kerner, and you won’t be tempted to disengage every time you get a text. Kerner, who is married with two children, uses a simple alarm clock instead of his phone so he’s not tempted to check it while in bed.

What should you keep on your nightstand, then? “I think it makes sense for every couple to have a little pleasure chest of sex toys, accessories—anything,” says Kerner. “It’s important that couples have easy, private access to that.” Arm your bedside table with a few of our favorite sexy books and these all-natural sex products we love.

7. Don't air your dirty laundry

Unfinished chores are a weight, a burden, and a distraction—all things that can tear you away from a passionate connection with your partner. “Clutter stops the flow of healthy energy,” says Gallops. “In fact, it stops good energy in its tracks and it turns it into negative chi.” Move your bulging hamper out of sight or out of the bedroom entirely to prevent an overflow from disrupting your together time.

8. Create a sexy smell

Get connected out of the bedroom first by creating a personalized blend of essential oils for your bodies and your room. “Any essential oil could be an aphrodisiac because scents are so connected to memory,” says Hope Gillerman, an aromatic healer and founder of H. Gillerman Organics. But don’t douse your bedroom in jasmine just because it’s been regarded as an ancient aphrodisiac. “If you don’t like the scent, what was supposed to bring you two together ends up being a huge turn-off.” Instead, cash in on a mix of masculine and feminine scents. Take a look at Gillerman’s favorite combinations to create the perfect environment:

1. Trade incense for aromatherapy diffusers, as they’re safer for asthma sufferers. To use, place 2-5 drops on top of the diffuser. As the tea light heats the oil, the room fills with a gentle scent without burning the oil. Ideal oils: Clary sage for its euphoric tendencies, lavender for its stress-busting qualities, a spicy combination of clove and nutmeg (“It’s a little trippy!”), and rosemary, ginger, and cinnamon to really heat things up.

2. On a decorative pillow, put 3-5 drops of any of a blend you like on the corner of a throw pillow.

3. Put a few drops of your preferred blend in your body lotion for a nice surprise as he gets closer. You can use thicker, more traditional aphrodisiac oils like jasmine, sandalwood, and rose. Tip from Gillerman: “If you’re planning to unveil this on a special night, experiment with this earlier in the week. A little goes a long way with these more decadent oils, and you’ll want to know if he doesn’t like a scent before the big night.”

4. Blend together a quarter teaspoon of your favorite essential oil or oil blend with two ounces of olive oil and apply along the spine and into the lower back. Why so little? “You won’t be using any preservatives, and natural oils can go rancid—there is nothing that’s more of a turn off than rancid botanical oils!” she warns.

“If you’re going to have plants in the bedroom, make sure they’re healthy and cared for,” says Gallops. She believes dead plants, empty pots, and dried out dirt can become a symbol for what’s really going on in the relationship. If floral elements are a must for you, don’t be afraid to fake it! “They’re a great way to bring color and life into your space without worrying about something dying.”

10. Rethink reflection

Mirrors on the ceiling may be a staple at seedy Las Vegas hotels, but feng shui experts suggest you eliminate them altogether. “The reason mirrors are not positive [in feng shui] is because they create such a hard energy and pick up every little movement,” says Gallops. She suggests moving your mirror to the back of your closet door, get a curtain to cover big walls of mirrors or, at the very least, move the mirrors so they aren’t facing your bed. “Part of feeling connected to someone is knowing you sleep well next to them. And moving mirrors away from the bed itself will make a huge difference in the way you sleep.”