Welcome to my home in blogland. Here, I strive to make you laugh like never before, cry warmhearted tears, get silly, and be naughty. Together, we'll uncover sweet morsels in the light and dark. You'll leave craving chocolate. That's a given. I'm a bad influence. Oy vey, am I a bad influence! {But I do recommend fair trade and organic varieties.} Please enjoy the samples, and may you fast become addicted. You're most welcome to return.

My Story, Yours Too.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Celibacy, Reasons #192-200

Hi there! Lifted directly from
popular on-line dating sites, and embellished by my italicized snark, I now bring
us through 200 viable reasons why [not just me but] any straight, single woman
would choose celibacy. Hint: It’s a scary dating scene. Please enjoy...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

REASON
#192: Looking for a sweat honest lady

Sweetie,
even an honest lady will lie and tell you she doesn’t sweat. She perspires.

REASON
#193: TIRED BEING
TREATED LIKE YOUR A OPITION?

I don’t think so, though I can’t
be too sure.

REASON #194:Sun,sand,water,rocks,trees,mountions

Well,
five out of six ain’t bad.

REASON
#195: well well what do
we have hereI am a
somewhat educated man, I like inteligent people . well well I suggest
you complete your education. It’s missing something.

REASON
#196:You know, it's easier to sell furniture
than it is to sell myself. If I were a chair, I'd be like, "Look at this
solid freakin chair right here. Yes sir. Now that's a heckuva chair. Last you
for centuries, just look at the workmanship, that's fine... eh... oak? I think.
Probably. But whatever, just look at it..." and B.S. my way through.

Given the option, I always prefer
to take a seat. Except in this case.

REASON
#197:Floss with barbed wire or online dating?

Is this an ultimatum, an earnest
dilemma you find yourself facing, or a heartfelt offering?

REASON
#198:I can text while at work. So let's chat!

Well, I suppose that’s all most
relationships amount to nowadays. LOL. BRB. No thanx.

In response to what he’d like to do
on a first date, REASON #199 wrote:

TAKE A NAP SO IF I CAN SEE IF YOU
SNORE

NOTE*****I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO WOMEN
THAT HAVE BREAST IMPLANTS******

You
don’t like snorers with fake breasts? That leaves the field wide open for you,
unless you’re looking to date a Kardashian.

REASON #200:
I say groovy and fabulous more often than normal people do and I'm a
firecracker with my lips and tongue. Firecracker.

PS Sarah, that didn't make sense. But I don't think any of this does, so I'm hoping it's ok. I was thinking of the song "She thinks my tractor's sexy." But even with the aid of a tractor, these men are still blatantly unappealing.