Sorry it took so long…

Sorry it took so long to get the second draft up. Looking forward to receiving your feedback.

My female supervisor harassed me — and I’m a man.

It began with flirting, which I initially went along with as I was flattered — thinking it was harmless. As the inappropriate IM’s started pouring in, I realized how wrong I was. I did my best to brush them off by pretending to be clueless.
Eventually, she said what she wanted to have sex with me. I was taken aback and it was extremely uncomfortable. My first thought was, “how do I tell this woman, who supervises me, that I don’t want to sleep with her?”

I rambled on how it would be inappropriate since she was married with kids. This reason — as valid as it was — wasn’t the solution. But I was taken aback by the situation; as a man, I never imagined being sexually harassed by a woman, which left me unsure how to respond. After all, isn’t it the men who do the sexual harassing? Sure. I want sex, but not with her.
So what do you say when your supervisor tells you what she’s into sexually? Laugh uncomfortably and say, “too much information.” How about when she indirectly offers to reward you with sex in the back seat of her car after you fix her portable vacuum? Just politely brush it off.

As much as I wanted to go to HR, I didn’t because of the repercussions she would have ensued such as her family knowing and the possibility of her losing he job; and another part of me felt that it was pointless, as HR wasn’t actively doing their job.

Looking back, I should have been more firm with my harasser as I didn’t realize how much power I had; I had evidence — inappropriate messages from her insinuating that clear sexual advances. I should have reported her to HR with a screenshot of them and requested a transfer to another office, as I continued to look for full-time work. I should have also filed suit with the company, as this has happened to other people who’ve worked there.

In the end, I was removed from the toxic environment and I’m happy to be out. I’m still learning to cope with the idea of having been sexually harassed. And I never realized how prevalent sexual harassment was in the workplace until I was a victim of it. I knew it always existed, but I never knew how uncomfortable it would make me feel, as a man.

No worries on the lagging! You’re doing way better than @resullins is at this point…. 🙂

Anyway, I think this is much more focused now, and your message is much clearer. But now, the issue is that it’s way too short. 🙂

I always use the same metaphor, but think of any piece of writing like a movie. For a movie to be engaging, it has to have long setup shots, but then it also has to zoom in and focus on the details every now and then. A movie that’s just one long pan is boring. But a movie that gets into too much detail is tedious, too. So you have to find that right balance of zooming in and zooming out for the pacing of the story to be interesting and compelling.

That’s what you need to do now. All you have at this point is one long zoomed-out summary of your story. What will finish it off is if you pick one or two specific incidents and go into detail on how they played out and how you felt afterwards. Zoom in, so to speak. Here’s my suggestion then:

The incident where she said she wanted to have sex with you and you replied that it would be inappropriate — you almost zoom in right there, but I think that would be a place where we could use the most detail. Basically, I feel like your first three paragraphs need more of a build-up. Start with the general stuff about the flirting, but then get more and more specific as she gets more and more inappropriate, leading ultimately to the outright the sex proposition. In this way, you can match the intensity of the story to the intensity of your discomfort as things progress.

Ultimately, good life lessons are built around stories (think of fables, for instance), and that’s what you need the most of at this point.

Hope that helps!

Rebecca Sullins
8:15 am on December 10, 2015

Hey hey hey! That’s just below the belt.

Hey… I have a thought… why don’t you come babysit and I’ll finish that last draft for you?