Stuff You Don't Care About But Will Help You Get Laid

Sad because Mitt Romney quit his presidential campaign? Never fear, my friends  good news is here to cheer you up!

New mom Christina Aguilera was spotted out on the town this week for the first time since her son was born. The reason? Her boobs needed to vote  one picked Clinton and one Obama. Can you guess which? [HollywoodTuna]

Amy Winehouse was denied a visa to come to the US for the Grammys  because America's got enough crackheads to worry about without shipping in a couple of British imports. You know who I'm talkin' about [CelebSlam]

BRITNEY bailed on the treatment she was receiving in the UCLA pysch ward to follow her passion  wailing in a British accent while driving around at 100 MPH in her $55,000 Mercedes. Oh, and also  flashing her equally as insane poontang. [WWTDD]

Did you know Brit got a boob job before she could even drive? That explains so much like her Jenna Jameson tits that magically grew at the age of 17. [CelebSlam]

Scarlett Johansson and Penelope Cruz have filmed a steamy sex scene together for Woody Allen's new movie. Bonerlicious and clitastic, right? Even better for us ladies, there's a threesome between the two ladies and Javier Bardem. No boring sex for old men, right Woody? [Egotastic]

Kirsten Dunst  the chick you beat off to in the Spiderman movies  is in rehab. So is Eva Mendes! Insert random Hollywood starlet name, send to rehab. Repeat. [IDLYITW]

Check out the latest trend in Hollywood! Let me ask you  if everyone else was ruining their face because it allegedly looked hot, would you do it? Hell yes! [Egotastic]

Pregnant Jennifer Lopez is literally glowing so much from her pregnancy that her face has melted. [DListed]

And finally, because I hate Heidi Montag (from The Hills) so much, here's a bunch of beautiful pictures of her showing off how $30,000 worth of plastic surgery can make even the prettiest of girls look like drag queens. [HollywoodTuna]