GM Marketing Explained

A Friend
Wednesday, March 18, 2009

lads, these new incentives are quite simple.

when the moon is waxing gibbous and orion is in ascension in the first quarter of the chinese new year and the dealer's name begins with a vowel - having an even number of letters of course, as long as it is not eight - and is a water sign then they don't have to let the customer know about the new incentives and can withhold said incentives (except on a tuesday in the last quarter of a solar cycle when the sun's surface magnetism and solar irradiance are greatest, in which case the dealer must sacrifice a goat to the great space turtle and offer an extra $250 cash back to loyal customers who are willing to buy the same make/model they are trading in) however if the dealer's name begins with a consonant or has an odd number of letters (or eight) then the dealer must buy an extra allotment of mid-sized sedans that month and will hopefully qualify for quantity incentives even if they are a fire sign and have recently communicated with cthulhu via chicken entrails because we all know how difficult that can be when the bank is breathing down your neck for that floorplan loan payment and the bloody customer won't just buy the (eternally) damned car already.