Something’s creepy in Albuquerque

Welcome to the creepiest place in all of Albuquerque … the International Rattlesnake Museum located in the heart of Old Town.

If you’re a wimp like me don’t go into this snake pit empty-handed, unprepared, or unarmed. You may need a Valium or a Xanax once your fight or flight response kicks in. But don’t say I didn’t warn you about this hair-raising experience.

It took a tremendous amount of determination, mental preparation, and nerve for me to confront my snake phobia. I mustered up all the courage and false bravado I could find to walk through the door into the dimly lit museum. Although I was being outwardly courageous, my body reacted differently. I automatically broke out into cold sweat, my arms were covered with goose bumps, and my hands tingled. My breathing rate increased as I moved deeper and deeper into the inner bowels of the museum.

By the time I saw the Habu snake, an Okinawa native and one of the deadliest snakes in the world pickled in a Saki bottle, I was ready to pass out. By now I was on the verge of hyperventilating but didn’t want to cause a scene.

I was terrified and became nauseated watching the graphic video of an Anaconda attacking a native African pig. I had to escape or I was setting myself up to have nightmares for the rest of my life.

The Amelanstic (albino) Western Diamond Back is the rarest snake in the museum’s collection while the Brazilian Rattlesnake is the most potentially venomous snake. When museum founder, Bob Meyers was on a photo shoot with National Geographic, he let his guard down and paid more attention to the lights and the cameras than the Timber Rattlesnake that bit him. But Bob’s a macho kind of guy and put it in perspective explaining, “The snake bite wasn’t as bad as hitting my finger with a hammer.”

Wish I had known about the big annual Snako de Mayo celebration on May 5th commemorating the museum’s 20th anniversary so I could have been there. Bob promised me one of his killer rattlesnake T-shirts as a consolation prize the next time I’m in town.

Bob Myers’ International Rattlesnake Museum is the only one like it in the world; it is one creeeeepy place. Bob is a pretty fascinating guy who’s been into snakes since he was 4 years old when he brought home his first pet snake. His reptilian obsession blossomed from there. Bob now has the largest collection of rattlesnakes in the world. I pity his wife or roommate.

According to Wikipedia, “The museum has the largest collection of different species of live rattlesnakes in the world, and claims to host more different species than the Bronx Zoo, the Philadelphia Zoo, the National Zoo, the Denver Zoo, the San Francisco Zoo, and the San Diego Zoo. In addition to rattlesnakes, the museum holds a live Gila Monster. The museum also houses a large collection of snake-related artwork, artifacts, and memorabilia.” To be more exact there are 55 snakes on display and 130 snakes in the museum’s collection.

Bob is one of the world’s leading snake experts and is excited about his current project. Bob is collecting snake artifacts and creating an educational experience for kids to teach them that snakes are actually good for our environment.

While Bob went on and on telling me all about the environmental benefits of snakes; how they contribute to the food chain, how they keep rodents away, all I kept thinking was the only thing they’re good for is shoes, belts, and purses.

Any visitor who survived a visit to the museum is presented with an official Certificate of Bravery signed by Bob acknowledging their courageous reptilian experience.

The perfect ending for my day was to hightail it over to the High Noon Saloon just a few blocks away and order their signature appetizer: Rattlesnake and Crab Fritters. Now I realize this may sound a bit cannibalistic and primitive, but don’t forget, tribal headhunters devoured their enemy to regain their power. Maybe this is something to bring up in a therapy session.