Phony pollsters push us to the limit

Sunday

Sep 2, 2012 at 6:00 AM

Sid McKeen Wry & Ginger

There’s nothing quite like an obscene call to get you started on the day.

And so it was when the phone rang in my home last week. But the party on the other end in this instance was not a sexual predator or a prankster. He was a pollster. A push-pollster. And, to my mind at least, anyone conducting a push poll is guilty of a new kind of obscenity — pretending to sample public opinion while not-so-subtly ripping one or more candidates for public office in order to benefit another — his client. Some states have banned the practice, and the rest of them should.

I won’t try to recreate the questions I was asked, because I have no record of my conversation with the caller, and the names and issues involved would mean little to most readers. Suffice it to say that the election was for the United States Senate, with candidates from the two major parties and one independent.

What follows is admittedly an exaggeration, but it suggests how loaded a push poll can get: “First, do you expect to cast your vote for X, Y or Z?” I offered my choice, and the “survey” continued. “Now, thinking of X, would you be not at all likely, somewhat likely, very likely or certain to vote for this candidate if you knew that he beats his wife and children 24/ 7, drives drunk regularly, and has never paid a plugged nickel in income taxes?”

“All right, now thinking of Y, would you be not at all likely, somewhat likely, very likely or certain to vote for this candidate if you knew she poisoned her first two husbands and was twice convicted of first-degree murder?”

“We’re doing very well and we’re almost finished. Now, how about Z, would you be not at all likely, somewhat likely, very likely or certain to vote for this candidate if you knew he was kind to animals, tithed half his income to his church, and was recently named Time’s Man of the Year?”

I told the caller, “Hey, I’ve already told you which one I plan to vote for, so why all the hypothetical questions?” He told me he needed to ask all the questions he had on his form. After that one, I couldn’t help musing to the caller, “Gee, I wonder who could be paying for this? Any chance, do you suppose, that it’s our friend, good old Candidate Z?”

He ignored the sarcasm, and I told him what I thought of his clearly-rigged “poll.” He ignored that as well, and gentlemanly thanked me for my time. Then he asked for my phone number, which he obviously already knew, and double-checked my name, pronouncing it “McQueen.” I inquired how the organization found me, and he said my name was pulled from a voting list.

I did a little research later and learned that under laws of the state of Maine, where I am now ensconced, push polls — while not de facto illegal — must be conducted under certain guidelines, some of which appeared to be uncertain in the call I received. Failure to meet the standards can result in a $500 fine. For the record, I’m not at all likely to vote for Candidate Z, no matter how much he likes animals or gives to charity.