4/23/07

I don't know why I thought of this, but it sounds amusing to me. :o) And I know that I have always tried to keep this to cab stories only, but hey, it beats a meme right?! heh I hope ya'll will indulge me a little here.

I saw this while driving down the road tonight.

I would like you all to tell me, by responding in the comments of this post, what instrument you would like the good Lord to make you as an "instrument of his peace", why this instrument suits you, and how being this "instrument of peace" can help our world.

Now for the contest part:

I will leave this post up until Friday the 27th for comments. The comment that I find most amusing will be the winner!! Of what is yet to be determined, but it will be something cool - at least that I consider cool (HEY! It's MY contest dammit!). And it will be made by me. Drawn. Sculpted. Or any other form of hand made I choose.

C'mon now everyone ... it COULD be fun. Maybe. If you all play along. :o)

Now for my answer: I think the good lord should make me into a set of bagpipes because:

a) I'm sort of saggy like bagpipes.

b) When I wake up my hair is sorta all over the place like said pipes.

c) If you squeeze me the wrong way I make some really weird noises (and sometimes even if you squeeze me the right way)

d) I tend to "perk up" if you blow on (or into) me.

e) I think Castro would've given over sooner if they would have played the 'pipes instead of the Spice Girls. Althoooo, maybe not.

I think I could help this world by being bagpipes because we can always use a few more Scottish folk here. World dominion could be had at the feet of bagpipes. Or - at the very least - a good funeral dirge.

4/22/07

I was in the parking lot of my apt complex heading off to work w/my bf when this little puppy comes running up to me with her leash still attached. I've petted her many times, she belongs to an older lady that lives here that basically just walks around and talks to everyone, including the dog. The dog is a blond pomeranian. The lady is VERY talkative, if ya know the type.

Anyway, I stood there for a moment and she came wandering around the side of the bldg to fetch her dog. We stood there and talked for a sec and I noticed the dog has what looks to be ... bruises around her eyes so I asked about it.

She: Oh, she has make up on.

Me: blink Uhhhm ... Oh.

She: She asks for it. I just stared at her for a second. No really. Every time I put on my make up she jumps up on my lap and closes her eyes. She likes it.

Me: Ah. Ok. Well, I gotta go to work. etc.I get in my truck and bf just started laughing. I'm still in shock. OK. Well, off to work.

We get to base and while we're there getting ready to work one of the few other women cabbies we have (day driver, I'm the only one that works nights) comes walking out of the office wearing high heels and a skirt.

Me: to bf Is THAT what I'm supposed to dress like driving a cab?

Bf: Wow. Apparently they have a different dress code on days.

Me: Pssht. I'll never make it ... hell, the DOG wears more make up than I do.

4/19/07

I got sent to the Embassy Stes. Hotel near the airport to pick up a couple on a very slow Tuesday evening (this was back when the snow storms were hitting the midwest really hard, their flight was cancelled). A very young couple. As in barely legal young. But kind of fun kids.

They wanna go to the closest adult shop to the 'port. I end up taking them to 'Frolics' - a cheesey little place on NE Sandy, pretty close, that has nekkid girls and an adult book/toy store attached. They asked me to wait on them as they wouldn't be long.

I only sat for about 5 minutes when they came back out w/a bag of goodies and big smiles on their faces. Turns out that they were travelling w/his parents as chaperones as both sets of parents didn't think they should be alone together while travelling. When their flight was cancelled the airline put the entire plane load of folks up in the nearest hotels (there were many flights cnx'd that night, all the hotels were booked).

The mom got the room w/the girl, and dad got the boy. They were text msging each other until both the folks had fallen asleep and they snuck out to meet in the lobby and had the hotel call them a cab. They had to hurry as they were concerned whether or not the folks would wake and find them gone. They were awful cute though.

He: I hope they don't wake up. I will be in SO much trouble. Did you SEE those girls?! They were NAKED.

She: I can't believe that girl smiled at me. I wonder if she thought I was cute. Maybe she was a whispering lesbian! I've never seen one of those.

Me: Oh, they run wild in the streets in Portland. they both look at me with big, round eyes. Not kidding. They're all over the place. And they aren't the only ones. We have big ol' groups of ... at this point they're both leaning forward with their mouths hanging open waiting on my next words. I gotta keep from laughing. They're so cute. :o) But even I can't completely corrupt the 'innocent' ... SaaaAAAaaayy ... ya'll buy some fun stuff at that place?

They both nod their heads and start telling me about the vibrator and flavored lubes and whatnot.

Me: Just outta curiosity, I take it you can't show that stuff to your folks right? Nods of both heads. Then what do ya'll plan on doing when they xray your bags at the security gate?

They both just sat there for a sec ... obviously not having gotten to this point yet. They just started whispering to each other.

He: Ummm... do you think they'll take it back?

Me: Ya know, I've never considered the return policy on sex toys but I doubt it's very lax. They both just kinda look at me. I don't think so. AH! They got it. More whispering. Getting a little louder. I'm just sitting up there practically biting a hole in my lip to keep from laughing. They're talking about how they're supposed to prove what all they've spent their money on to his folks.

Me: I tell ya what ... how about I just buy the stuff from you and that way you won't get in trouble. You don't get to USE the stuff, but at least you won't get in trouble. That work for you two?

Their fare was about $20 total, I handed them another $10 and we were even. He put the bag o' stuff on the front seat as they got out.

He: Thanks so much. Really. You're cool.

Me: You're welcome. Anything I can do to keep the youth of America from getting in trouble, I'm there.

The girl, as they were talking to me thru the front pass. side window was eyeballing the bag with some serious regrets. That boy's gonna be in for some trouble. :o)

4/13/07

1) I got my Vertigo Lady again a few nights ago, this time going from the hospital to her home. Apparently she has hooked up with Med Transport now. They won't allow her to go the 'long way' home so she HAS to take a bridge. We took the Broadway since she convinced them she couldn't do the Fremont (altho, the Bdwy is closer anyway). The whole time across she was making these little whiny, puppy dog noises. When we made it across I asked her if she was all right.

She: I'm fine honey. Thank you for asking. You're a good soul. You must be a Christian, I felt God was looking out for us. I'm wondering if I can request you every time I need to go to/from the hospital.

Me: Aw, thank you. But no, you cannot request me. We aren't allowed to 'personalize' account calls. And as far as God looking out for us, and me being a Christian, I gotta tell ya, I'm a heathen. I've seen too much ugly, I don't believe there is a God. I'm sure he was looking out for you though, 'cuz otherwise I'm sure he'da just let me drive right off the bridge. :o)

She was pretty quiet for a few moments.

She: Well honey, I believe that God believes in you. And he can't be someplace where there isn't a good heart. He's there honey, and he's looking out for you. I'll pray for you when I get home.

Me: Well, I certainly appreciate that. I need all the help I can get.

2) Last Sat night I had to pick up a fella in Gresham (Way outer SE) and take him up to La Center, WA to the closest casino. (It's only 16 miles N of W Ptld, we get a lotta runs up there.) It costs about $70 on the meter to get him there and he gives me an even $100. We chat on the way up about all kinds of things. (he's drunk, and I'm fairly verbose) One of those things being how he's going to get back to Ptld. When we get there he does a very small amount of talking and convinces me that I should go in the casino for just a few minutes. If I'm still around he'll have me take him home.

I turned his hundred into almost 400 playing 21. He's a poker player. He wasn't ready to go by the time I was so I left him there. Profitable night.

3) I picked up these 3 younger kids from inner SE and take them downtown to PSU. All middle eastern of some sort, 2 boys, 1 girl. 1 of the young fellas is obviously the ringleader, the other fella apparently speaks no English as all, and the girl apparently doesn't speak their language as the ringleader is chatting away at both of them in the appropriate languages.

RL and the other guy are yukkin' it up about something when he turns to the girl and says in English "Habib (I didn't catch his name) wants to know whether you are going to pull your skirt up all the way or just take it off. Why are you showing that much thigh in public anyway? Do you want everyone to think you're easy? What would your father have to say about this? I think I might have to tell him. You know I took pictures earlier."

4/11/07

I have always tried to keep this blog fairly factual - not too much in the way of "emotions" from my end, and for the most part, I usually try to keep the things that I feel ya'll don't want to read out of my blog. Being a woman cab driver I get a lot of shit. A LOT. And I'm sure ya'll have figured out that a high percentage of what happens in my cab is brought on by my own personality and/or comments, but I like to think that most of what I pop off about is *harmless*. For the most part I get to cruise thru my job dealing with the drunks and the other assorted idiots, felons, hookers and the nice, 'normal' people without having any of it really affect - or involve - me. But occasionally real life does intrude. As long as I can continue to feel that the ratio of nicer to scary people is in my favor I will keep doing this. Hopefully I can help out a few people on the way.

In my cab I have to be - while not necessarily emotionless - not vulnerable. It's a tough line to tow as 99% of the people in my car are complete strangers, but I love doing this job. Look at all the fun stories I have here. :o) And while I'm not a charitable person, I do believe in doing what you can to help out others, if I feel they're being sincere. Sadly, the longer I do this, the harder it is to get past my bullshit meter. I calls 'em like I sees 'em.

So there we have more than ya'll EVER wanted to know about being a cab driver. :o) I truly appreciate the nice things ya'll said, just keep in mind, I'm not *that* nice. heh.

Back to our regularly scheduled program soon ... Gawd bless TiVo and The Braves!!! (just for you Kev!)

4/9/07

I got sent to outer S.E. Ptld to pick up two very young, very scared, very pregnant 15 year old twins (Yup. You read that right.) from their home and take them to the nearest, cheapest hotel. I have to sit there and listen to the at least 50 year old "father" of both girls babies tell them that they need to do whatever it is they have to do but they can no longer come home. Their mother was coming home in the morning and he needed them out.

He told them he was going to tell their mother that they never came up from "down south" like they were supposed to but he couldn't reach her. (I don't know where she had been for the last 8 mths or so) He then had to explain to them, very explicitly what was going to happen to them if they tried to reach their mother at all. "And you know she won't believe you two anyway. She loves me. I'm the best thing she's ever had and there's no way she'll believe you over me. Especially not after I get her on the shit again." And on and on in that vein. "Go get some damned welfare, that's what they do with pregnant little whores like you." Etc.

He hands them some cash "... and this is all you'll EVER get from me." As we're getting them and their 2 pitiful little bags of clothing in the car he pulls one of them aside and whispers "Remember what happened to you 2 last week? It'll be a whole lot worse if you decide to try and talk to me or your mother again. And next time it won't be just me and Tom."

So we drive off. They're both bawling. Turns out they don't have enough for cab fare and a room for the night so I wave off the cab fare, take them to McD's and buy them some breakfast (it's abt. 4:30a) and take them to a hotel. I tell them I'll wait to make sure nothing happens, that they get in the room all right and all. I had to give them a little more money to make the room charge then carry their bags into the room. I wish them both luck, gave them all the extra cash I had on me (less than a hundred, but it was all I had) and then closed the door. I left them both sitting on one bed, holding on to each other and bawling. I could hear them thru the door.

I drive off and backed my car into a spot where I can see the room to their door and I called the police. I waited until they got there, told them what I heard and saw. Where the girls were and the address where I picked them up. Described the piece of shit that was there. Everything I knew. After they got the info they needed from me I went home and cried for a few hours. Then went back out to make up the money I gave away.