Contemplations

I’ve had a little time to contemplate my life, the universe and the meaning of live over the last couple of days. Okay so I might not have done much contemplating of the universe or working out what the meaning of life is, but I did get to thinking about my life and 12WBT and weight loss in general.

I was talking to one of my dearest friends on the phone the other day (who I haven’t seen for six whole long months now since we moved) and she asked how I was going with 12WBT and weight loss in general and in particular how was I going with my exercising.

Mrs N knows me too well. She knows all my deep dark secrets (there really aren’t that many), but in particular she knows about my loathing of exercise. I told her how I’d started attempting to run. Mrs N knows how much I want to be able to do this, we’ve attempted C25K a couple times, she’s held my hand as I thought I was having an asthma attack and couldn’t breathe – turned out I was just short of breath and had a panic attack about it – and she’s always been supportive of me trying.

I told her about my little “trip” on the Parnkalla trail, but that I’d gotten back out there and was still attempting my shuffling. Then she asked me, quite seriously, but are you still exercising in general? Really? Who are you exercising with?

I told her I was. I told her I was hating it, but I was still exercising and I was exercising alone. I told her how I had my exercise DVDs I was doing, my shuffling, and swimming twice a week with Miss A. But in general that I was exercising alone.

Mrs N was shocked. Totally shocked. Because as she explained to me, usually I always rely on someone else to keep me exercising, and I allow myself to be swayed and talked out of exercising if something better comes up (and okay, to a certain extent that’s still true – but come on, I hate exercising!). She couldn’t quite believe that I was actually the one keeping myself motivated and was regularly exercising.

Then she hit me with a line which I’ve been dwelling over the last few days. But how are you going this week? Because it’s usually around this time Tina, after about 8 or 9 weeks that you start getting bored, and you start to let yourself drop off.

You know what? Mrs N is totally right. The last week or two I have been struggling – this week because I’ve been sick – but in general, the exercising has been harder than normal. Eating right has been harder than normal. I started going over some of my journals from when I first did 12WBT and again last year, and I did it both times. At around this point on my journey it’s like I start to sabotage myself. I know we’re only in week three (going into week four), but I’ve been doing this since the beginning of the year, so for me, it really is week eight (or nine, I’m losing count) and I feel as if I’m doing it again.

My exercising has been slacker than it has all year and while I haven’t actually gone to McDonalds and bought myself the cheeseburger I’ve been craving all year, I have been making some bad snacking choices. I’m always right up there in my calorie intake and I’ve found myself going over a few times. I’m not sure why I do this to myself. I want to do well, and I want to reach my goals, so why don’t I do as much as I can to help myself get there. How do I shift my brain back into gear and be as happy as I was at the beginning of the year when I first started? And seriously, when is that love of exercising going to hit me, I’m waiting for it, but I’m getting impatient now.

I don’t have answers to my own questions, and being the obsesser that I am, I will probably continue to wonder about this. But hopefully, I can trick my brain into thinking that I’m still super happy and excited about not eating cheeseburgers and that really I love to exercise. Enough, so that I won’t crave the cheeseburger and I really will start to love exercising.

Okay everyone, question time. How the hell do I trick my brain into believing these things?

1 Comment

Wow, Tina, you have definitely made some progress haven’t you!?!?! The shift from needing someone on your back to keep you exercising, to you doing it for yourself, is HUGE!! Congratulate yourself for that!

As for the 8/9 week block, remind yourself that it is VERY normal! This is your brain and the universe testing your commitment to your self care.

Go back to the WHY. Look at your goals again, look at your declaration. Remind yourself why you are making these LONG TERM changes in your life. Really get your emotions engaged with it. Visualise yourself after you have finished donating to the universe. See yourself IN your new life, doing all the things you want to do. Really put yourself in this picture, getting in there and participating.

Then, when your brain starts its harping at you, take yourself back to that place, and “tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up” (quote by Ann Bradford)