So I was reading this article* when a video ad popped up [“Mildly NSFW” warning deleted because it’s just too stupid to be sexy] –

#PlusIsEqual, it’s called. The mathematical contradiction that is it’s name tells you everything. It’s yet another attempt at social hrönir, trying to make made-up stuff real.

Mind you, these are not ugly women, and a few might even be somewhat attractive. But it’s in spite of their weight, not because their weight is the imaginary number they’re pretending it is. If we follow the non-Euclidean reasoning that Plus is Equal, wouldn’t Double Plus be DoubleGood? I don’t see Rosie O’Donnell’s geometric orders of magnitude in the ad.

Then there’s the obligatory yells of “Everyone deserves to be celebrated!” and “No one’s ignoring us anymore!” The first one is crap (“When everyone is celebrated, no one will be special!” or something like that), but I am willing to concede the second point. No one can ignore them now, although maybe not in the manner the makers of the video intended. Perhaps using a drum pattern similar to those used in movies when the elephant herd is stampeding was not the best choice.

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*My wife was watching an Azumanga Daioh episode called “Equation For Victory.” I walked by during the relentlessly cheerful theme music and recognized a character (Osaka, it turns out) from her endless appearances on the internet as a forum avatar and the like. My wife said Osaka was the poster image on a TV Tropes page called “Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant,” which links to many interesting and fascinating articles such as the charming and delicate teen love song mentioned at the top.

….because when one thinks of rock music, one immediately thinks of \m/ xylophone \m/ !

[If flashing or flickering lights affect you negatively, don’t click some of these videos]

Xylophone has a somewhat obscure history with popular music, but it’s been quite a number of songs, especially in the 80s. Tears for Fears used it to good effect in their song “Change” –

Dig those crazy dance moves during the bridge. So 80s.

The Thompson Twins were known for skilled percussion work by Alannah Currie, including some understated xylophone in “Hold Me Now” –

They had a string of hits in the mid-80s, then just sort of disappeared. Wonder whatever happened to them?*

Rumors on the street claim that Lisa Lisa & The Cult Jam snuck some xylophone into their hit song “Lost In Emotion,” but rock scientists have been unable to confirm this conclusively.

Bananarama dabbled with Xylophone in their song “Cruel Summer” –

Cops chasing the band to no avail, only to end up dancing in the streets with said band… a defining characteristic of 80s videos.

[Yes, yes, I know summer is pretty much over, and what month it is. Have some September with amusing xylophone and a gleefully abused puppet.]

Xylophone has made it into some more recent songs, such as the Pomplamoose song I cleverly snuck in above, as well as a relatively recent hit by Gotye [Warning: skinny dude who doesn’t like pants. but hey, it’s got Kimbra]. Specialists are still trying to figure out how to pronounce “Gotye” but many agree it has nothing to do with an exuberant affinity for goats.

At the end of the day, however, it appears that the all-time king hell middle-finger-to-the-world winner of rock xylophone is this classic –

Such nice, undisturbed fellows.

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According to this 2004 piece by Ace Of Spades HQ, Thompson Twinner Joe Leeway later developed an interest in politics and/or economics…

One of the best-known songs by the Beatles is “While My Guitar Gently Weeps,” written by George Harrison. It’s a rarity among Beatles songs in that an outsider, Eric Clapton, played lead guitar.

It’s incredibly famous, widely revered, held in high regard by the most respected and accomplished musicians and songwriters. Which is very nice, but I don’t really care. I’m pretty lukewarm about the song.

However, it’s also been covered a number of times, and this is where it gets interesting. Most Beatles covers are adequate at best and pathetic at worst. Consider the song “Tomorrow Never Knows” – how does one make an insane acid trip like that boring? Yet many have tried, with Beatle-envying wannabes Oasis taking their best shot at murdering it.

WMGGW has its share of lame covers, I’m sure, but once you start switching out the guitar for other instruments, say, the ukulele, things start to happen…

Who woulda thought a uke could rip like that?

Then we come to that ultimate 80s musical instrument, the keytar (mixed with visuals from MS Paint Adventures, for no reason discernible to me, but kinda fun anyway) –