2016 has been a strange year in many ways. In the public arena, we have had so many celebrity deaths that affected people, musical and screen icons who inspired so many. We've had the shocking election of Donald Trump as well as Brexit in the UK. Both of these events stunned me personally for so many reasons. They seemed to be born out of hate and fear and a lack of knowledge and understanding that the world is a changing place.

It seems that a misplaced nostalgia and desire to return to the past precipitated events whose consequences will be felt for quite some time.

Then there was the ongoing horror of Syria - words can't describe the abomination that is the situation there. And overall, my sense of the feelings of others, as seen through social media, mirrored my own feelings of disgust and shock and fear. A bewilderment at the worst of human nature coming to the fore again and again.

For me, 2016 was a better year than 2015. 2015 changed everything for me when I lost my lovely Dad and then tore my carotid artery in June, narrowly escaping having a stroke and learning to face my own mortality. It took about a year before the debilitating symptoms of the torn artery really lifted but then I began to feel normal again and less afraid that I might die.

I changed jobs which was probably the best thing of 2016 - going from a situation which had been intensely difficult to one which was normal and nice was such an enormous weight off my mind.

I started to feel positive about life again and able to plan and relax more.

We had quite a bit of hospital stuff in 2016 too though, Siomha had flare ups of her Ulcerative Colitis and it's hard to describe the worry and fear when your child is ill. You would rather go through every bit of it yourself, rather than see them suffer.

Overall, for me, the feeling of the year was that things were getting better. I had renewed energy to focus on my candle business which really paid off because I had the best year ever at markets and got such wonderful feedback that it really ended my year on a high.

I think perhaps, on reflection, that what stands out for me in this past year has been friends, both real life and online friends whom I've never met. The kindness and support and love I have felt has been so incredible and I feel so blessed to have such wonderful, witty, clever, funny people in my life.

I have written about many things this year, it's funny to look back and see what was happening with me :)

My most popular posts of the year have been varied and here are just a few:

First up, my most popular - Shyness, why it's perfectly ok to be shy. This was born out of frustration that being an extrovert is considered the norm and shy children are often stigmatised because they don't fit into this mold.

This is
something that has been on the periphery of my mind for a while and a few
situations brought it to the forefront recently. An overheard conversation, the
election of Trump and attitudes to my own dress highlighted a sad fact for me,
namely that women very often critique other women in a negative way.

It made me
question why and why it is that I often feel uncomfortable in groups of women
that I don’t know very well.You can
take 4 or 5 individuals who might be lovely to talk to on their own, but
combine them in a group situation and some kind of herd instinct seems to take
over. The jockeying for attention and the unspoken judgement, the unconscious
checking to see what’s acceptable and what isn’t, all are things that make me
feel profoundly ill at ease.

It could be
dress, parenting, work, any combination of those but that particular dynamic
makes the very thought of a ‘girl’s night’ anathema to me.

And I
wonder why things are still this way? I understand the competitive instinct
that human beings have, I can be very competitive in lots of ways but I am
disinclined to judge people on dress because how you dress is an expression of
yourself.Unless you are desperately
trying to fit in or emulate some kind of ‘ideal’ woman as portrayed by
media.In which case, other people’s
judgement makes more sense to me.If you
are trying to fit in and want everyone else to be in that sinking ship, then
anything different is a threat.

It’s a big
two fingers to the status quo that you are entrenched in, so, resentment of
anyone who has liberated themselves from that is a logical conclusion.

Trying to
process the election of Donald Trump to the presidency has been difficult, for
me and for most of the world. One of the most startling revelations of the
proceedings, for me, anyway, was that many women voted for Trump – white women,
black women, Hispanic women.Not so
unusual, perhaps, had he been the usual run of the mill candidate but the fact
that his campaign was laced with misogyny, racism and bigotry makes that fact
extraordinary.It beggars belief
honestly.

I can only
conclude that misogyny is so deeply rooted in our culture, that this kind of
Stockholm Syndrome response seems normal – supporting someone who has
effectively said that he hates you, handing him the power and the tools to
enforce that hatred and spread it to an entire nation defies any kind of
logical thought process.So it can only
be a culturally engrained thoughtless instinct to obey and accept.

Women judging
women somehow seems a lot more tragic to me than men judging women.It’s a denial of our common experiences, both
positive and negative.And I feel also
that it’s a lack of strength and ego, an uncertainty of self that is probably
largely due to cultural and societal influences over the centuries.And this is something that we need to
constantly question and fight against.

I have a
craft business but I also work in a professional environment and perhaps this
has influenced me with regard to standards in my own venture but I’ve noticed a
couple of things recently with regards to small craft businesses.

So, without
wanting to offend, here are my thoughts on things you definitely shouldn’t be
doing or omitting if you are trying to build a business.

First up –
I saw an item I liked on a Facebook page recently but I was scrolling through a
lot of photos and when I went back later, couldn’t immediately find the one I
had liked so I messaged the seller with description to see if it was still
available. The seller was friendly but asked me to find and comment on the
original picture. Now, that might seem like a reasonable request but it’s
putting the onus on me to chase up the sale. And quite frankly, if I’m willing
to spend money (which is rare cos I don’t have any to spare!), I don’t want to
be doing the work, I expect the seller to do it for me.

If you are
working through your Facebook page mostly, it should be clear and photos
divided into Albums with prices and how to purchase details. If you have a ‘shop now’ button, it should
lead to somewhere customers can actually see a range of products and make a
purchase. It’s absolutely pointless having a shop button that doesn’t really
lead to a proper shopping experience; it’s just frustrating for buyers.

The second
situation involved an actual purchase at a craft fair. I thought I might buy
again as I really liked the item and it would have been a perfect present. I
couldn’t remember exact name of the company and checked to see if there was a
label attached but there was none at all. If people are walking away with your
product, make sure that it promotes you in some way – with a tag attached or a
fabric label with your details. It’s pretty rare that someone will embark on a
lot of work to find your product, the easier you make it, the better.

Another
bugbear of mine – you have to have some kind of online presence. The first
thing I do in any situation is head to Google. The companies I am most likely
to buy from are companies (big or small) who have an online accessible picture
of their brand. If I see that a Facebook page has about 4 updates a year I’m
immediately put off.

Now you
might think there’s not enough time, I don’t have enough of a variety of products,
why should I bother? Well, for me, the reason for bothering is that if you
don’t put the effort into updating Facebook or Twitter (or whatever your
preferred medium is) it just seems unlikely to me that you are professional and
trustworthy. And perhaps that is harsh but there are a million other people
making a product just like yours and they are working their asses off to get it
out there.

ANSWER YOUR
EMAILS!!

Sorry for
shouting but this is probably the worst offence in my book J Ignoring emails is incredibly unprofessional – I had an experience last
year where I wanted to enquire of a fellow crafter if they could supply me with
their product on a wholesale basis. Sent off the email, waited, waited,
waited….

Eventually
realised that they weren’t going to respond so obviously they were crossed off
my list – if someone can’t take a few minutes to answer an email, they are not
going to be a good person to do business with.

If you are
unable to supply something, or don’t have a product or can’t do a craft fair,
have the courtesy to respond to the sender of the email. It’s only polite after
all!

The only
emails I ignore are spammy generic emails which I know aren’t particularly
addressed to me, just to a series of people. I always try to respond in a
timely manner to real people and real queries.

If you have a beautiful product that you have spent hours on, don't devalue it by using crappy photos. Most decent phones now have a good camera and all you need is some good lighting and a good background. There are loads of tips online for taking photos and it's so easy to upload to Social Media from your phone, there's no excuse really, for poor, badly focused photos.

This is another in my Rant series and I have to say I have been really happy with how this has been going - mostly because it has given me the opportunity to read and share some incredibly articulate and impassioned views. I feel truly honoured to be able to give a space to people to express their feelings and views and this particular post is beautifully written and honest. It touches on a subject we all need to be aware of and bring out into the open. It is entitled 'A Conversation' at the request of the author and I think it fits perfectly. The author prefers to remain anonymous but if this is something which has affected you I am happy to pass on any messages of support or affinity.

How old were you when it happened to you? I was 7.

How long did it take for you to tell someone? I didn’t tell anyone until I was 30. 23 years later. I told my best friend one night by accident. I didn’t mean to, I just blurted it out and even then I told her I wasn’t sure. But of course I was sure. You don’t forget. You hide it away in a dark corner and build walls around it, and you don’t even look at it for fear it might come out. Telling someone put a crack in the wall and eventually the crack widened to become a flood. I couldn’t keep it hidden any longer. But it was a long process and, and even now I don’t broadcast it. My parents still don’t know and I’ve never gone to the police.

But why did it take you so long? You should have said something much sooner. So many reasons. All of them valid and all of them different for each person. I’ll try to tell you one or two of mine.You might have no concept of what sexual assault is at that age but you know there is something profoundly wrong with what is happening. It is incredibly easy for someone to manipulate that and make you believe it’s your fault. And then you spend years hearing what society is saying ‘If you didn’t fight it you must have wanted it’ ‘Well don’t be too friendly’ ‘It’s what you were wearing’ and so on. I didn’t fight back. I was a fairly chatty affectionate kid. Even though logically you know as an adult it’s not your fault, you absorb those messages almost by osmosis. You take them in and they become so ingrained that a part of you does start to believe it was your fault. And the echo then for me down through the years was ‘I did a bad thing.’ It took some time to get rid of that belief.

And then there was the fear of not being believed. He was a well respected man. A fine upstanding member of society. Who would take the word of a 7 year old over him? To this day, if I was to tell my storythere would be flat disbelief and outrage from some people that I would dare accuse him. Even now I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face down that level of abuse.

It doesn’t happen that often though Yes it does. One of the saddest things about this was that when I did start telling people, the amount of times someone looked at me with tears in their eyes and said: ‘Me too.’ People I was close to. Friends I had known for years. And in too many cases I didn’t know this terrible thing had happened to them. It’s an epidemic of buried painful secrets. We keep it hidden. We tell no one. It takes an enormous amount to tell even one person. And the telling does not get easier. The pain of it still catches me off guard.

You know it was a long time ago. You really should move on. I’ve had counselling. I sat in a therapists room and I wailed and gnashed my teeth. I screamed with rage and howled with grief. It won’t eat me up with anger or bitterness. But it never goes away. It is a piece of you that is there forever. And most days it’s normal sized and it’s just one small part. And you can live your life. But other days, bad days, it is oversized and has jagged edges and it cuts you raw. And you have to find ways to live with it.

But why are you angry some days? Maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive:Because even though we all proclaim loudly that rape and sexual assault is a terrible thing, it’s still endemic and it’s getting worse.Because when a person makes an unwanted advance, its minimised and passed off as jokes or banter and you’re just being a bit hysterical by objecting to it. And when it’s taken further and leads to assault, it was somehow your fault for letting it happen. Because you drank. Or wore a skirt. Or were in the wrong place. Or you didn’t fight back. And when victims do come forward they are shamed and humiliated and picked over by experts and pundits and commenters acting like vultures. And so the message is sent that people can get away with it. Or that consent is a ‘grey area.’ Or that you don’t have to responsible for your own actions. And those who have been hurt by this terrible thing shrink back so as not to cause themselves further pain. And they build walls to hide behind because they are told over and over and over that they are to blame for letting this happen. And it makes me profoundly sad. And it makes me rage that in 2016 we still need to have these conversations. How much does it fucking take? Why can’t you see that this has to stop? How much more pain do you need? How many more victims?

But you know what? You with your stupid misconceptions, and your ignorant assumptions. You’re a dying breed. The more we stand up, the more we fight back, yes even the more we rage; we show that this has to stop. It will get through eventually. And we hold our hands out to those who have survived and we say, you are not alone. We believe you. We love you.

This is a short and sweet blog post just letting you all know about my Christmas Events and ordering info. for the upcoming season.

Christmas Shop is open and I have all the old favourites like Christmas Spice, Orange & Cinnamon, Spiced Nutmeg and more. They are available in a range of containers and I hopefully will be adding more over the next while.
Christmas season can be a bit chaotic and I'm doing lots of extra hours with the markets so I may not always be prompt with online shop updates. Do feel free to email and let me know if there is something you would like that isn't shown in the shop.

Postage goes by An Post rates. Although I have not, at the moment, passed on the increased postal rates to my customers, I will unfortunately have to add them in the New Year, as postage has been costing me quite a lot lately!

Customer Service is very important to me, as well as value for money and I strive to keep my prices reasonable and to answer all your queries promptly and I love to get feedback, it makes my day when I get a nice email from a happy customer :)

So here is my list of events coming up - subject to change but it should be fairly definite at this stage:

October this year is the first year of National Reuse Month. Launched on September 3rd by Denis Naughten, the Minister for Communication, Climate Action and Environment, it is an initiative to reduce waste and encourage people to remake, reuse and repair things that would otherwise be discarded and unloved.

I have long been a fan of reusing and upcycling, it's a principle I try to apply to my candlemaking business as much as possible. There is a certain joy in making something into a new and beautiful item and it gives me a creative challenge as well as the satisfaction of saving containers from being thrown out.

To celebrate National Reuse Month, I have been invited to take part in a free event on the 27th October in the Claregalway Hotel. In conjunction with Galway County Council and Speco Services, it is a showcase of all things upcycled and remade. Featuring myself of course and also a range of other crafts and skills, it is a great opportunity to see recycling in action. I'm very excited about showing off my products and learning a little bit about how others create and reuse.

This event is one of many run around the country - Dublin City Council will host a reuse Expo on Tuesday the 25th October from 12.00 - 3.00 p.m. in the Civic Offices on Wood Quay and you can check out a full listing of events here - Reuse Month East/Midlands Events.

Use jars as pencil holders or kitchen storage - there are so many lovely ways you can decorate and personalise items like this. Stickers, chalk paint, glass markers, ribbon are just some of the things you can use to decorate tins and jars.

Always try to donate old clothes (in good condition) to charity shops rather than throwing away.

Keep gift bags and repurpose!

Instead of buying wrapping paper, reuse old paper or keep little boxes and nice paper (even magazines or old newspapers can make funky gift wrap presentation).

If you would like to take part in Reuse Month, use the hashtag #reuse16 and I will retweet as many as I can or send me your projects or ideas and I will share on my Facebook and Twitter.

I made the recipe as is, substituting mashed banana for the eggs. This was something that worked brilliantly for my Eggless Mocha Cupcakes, making them moist and fluffy.
Unfortunately, it really didn't work so well with this recipe, perhaps because the bananas weren't very ripe. The sponge turned out doughy and heavy and it was difficult to separate from the tin and the cake was really overly sweet and sickly. I did really love the maple glaze though so I incorporated that into my second attempt.

I searched for a recipe that was a basic egg free bundt and I came across this one from Lemonginger.com - Eggless Vanilla Bundt Cake with Chocolate Glaze.
The recipe is really easy and quick and uses simple ingredients:
(Recipe as shown on lemonginger.com)

1. Preheat oven to 200°C for 10 minutes. Grease and lightly dust an 8 cups bundt pan.2. Beat the sugar and yogurt for 5 minutes on high speed. Add baking powder and baking soda, beat in on low, and allow to stand for 3 minutes. You will find that bubbles appear.3. Beat in the oil and vanilla extract. Slowly add the flour in 4 lots, blending in well after each addition.4. Pour the batter into the prepared pan. Bake at 200°C for 10 minutes, reduce temperature to 170-180°C and bake for 50 minutes or till a toothpick inserted into the cake comes out clean.5. Cool the cake for 30 minutes and gently de-mold. Then place onto a plate.

I love that both the ingredients and instructions are simple and straightforward, it really took very little time to make up the batter and the cooking time was accurate.

My own tips that I would add are: Make sure to grease the tin very well, allow a good bit of cooling before you gently remove the tin and it rises quite a bit, so don't overly fill the tin.

I didn't try to make the chocolate glaze in the recipe as I really liked the glaze from the Betty Crocker recipe. It is super quick to make. Just blend together a cup of icing sugar, a quarter cup of maple syrup, half a teaspoon of vanilla extract and a a quarter spoon of cinnamon.

The first time I made it, it was a little too thick so I made it thinner this time, perhaps slightly too thin but it was definitely much easier to drizzle over the cake. You can easily adjust by adding more sugar or maple syrup.

This cake definitely passed the taste test, the sponge was good and worked really well with the Glaze, sweet but not overly so and I think it looks really pretty too :)

On my first cake attempt I had leftover sponge and rather than wasting it I decided to make mini maple and raspberry trifle pots. Using the sponge and raspberries as a base, I then added the jelly which I had made, using a little bit of maple syrup (a quarter cup) in the jelly liquid.

This is the second in my rant series and although I'm planning to have them a little further apart, this was too current and too good to delay. I think it expresses what a lot of women are feeling right now in relation to Trump.

Written by Amanda Grace of Amanda Grace Art,
Amanda Grace is a creative explorer, working in mixed media from her studio, Pilgrim Soul; a converted farm building in Sligo on Irelands North West Coast. Amanda’s passion revolves around the themes of identity, connection, wisdom and care. She believes the creative process is a powerful medium for developing insight by engaging in an ongoing process of enquiry into emotion and experience. Her hope is to inspire and encourage others to care deeply, to live passionately, to know the heart and to speak from the soul.

So I'll let Amanda do the talking now...

'I have deliberately withheld all this time from mentioning this PIG online because I didn’t want to give him the airtime. I thought I was doing my little bit for the world in keeping his name out of my social media feeds and thereby conspiring to ‘trump up’ his profile. I reached my limit this morning however, after watching the video released online of what Trump has defended as ‘locker room banter’. Hearing this vile man ‘bragging’ to another about his attraction to and entitlement around ‘beautiful women’ broke me. I’m done ignoring him. I have to say something. I am beyond sickened.

Mother of CHRIST.. this kind of bullshit, from ANY man is enough. ENOUGH. Despicable. Fucking ENTITLED ego consumed parasites. That other prick is as bad: “How about a hug for the Donald!"???. After everything vile word he proudly unleashed before emerging from the ‘privacy’ of their cesspit man cave, that other guy goes and instructs 'her with the legs' to embrace this pig? What an invasion. That's an underhanded violation.

I am DISGUSTED!

Money and power and the patriarch. There is apparently no depths to which they won’t sink. Women, world, WAKE THE FUCK UP. THIS IS NOT GREATNESS. Entitlement is not GREATNESS. MONEY is not mecca. Those with it, are not the Messiah. Stop glorifying and pandering to these men of (NO) importance. Stop conspiring with these predators in servitude to this god complex bullshit.

STOP.

Somebody posted an article the other day. I saw it in my Facebook feed, about the harm which forcing children to be affectionate does. THIS is EXACTLY why. Had this woman been conditioned another way, she may have felt empowered to assert her boundaries and say, 'actually NO'. 'No 'hug' for the Donald, this way please’.

Parents, PLEASE think about this. Teach your children about boundaries. I suspect the industry in which this woman works (or, in my opinion, is slave to), NO is not a word heard very often by the celebrities it glorifies. To refuse a 'superstar' anything s/he demands would probably cost you a job. This canNOT be the acceptable norm anymore. It canNOT be ok. ZERO tolerance for the unquestioned elite. They are NOT superior.

I remember this bullshit from school, where there was an unspoken 'expectation' for us to hug our priest. And what did that priest do when he had you in his arms? He tried to stick his fucking tongue down your neck, that's what. Do you know how many lives were ruined over that? Have you watched the movie Spotlight? Watch it and see if your blood doesn't boil over with RAGE.

How many adults would be living different lives today had we learnt as children that to say NO was a choice?

Take this fucker and those like him down off their pedestal's. These predators need some acquaintance with the word NO.

NO. NO. NO.

I am FURIOUS!!!'

If you want to check out more of Amanda's work, here is her Facebook page:

This is another guest post that I'm delighted to share and it looks at discrimination against single people when it comes to things like car insurance.
I think it really highlights our assumption that the whole world is paired off into neat little heterosexual couples and maybe we need to start questioning that assumption.

It also gave me the idea to have a regular 'rant' feature because we all need a space to let off steam. If you would like to contribute, just let me know!

'Can anyone tell me why, in a time when it is pretty much accepted that it's unreasonable to discriminate against people, single people are apparently the exception.Every time I've turned on the radio this week, I've been faced with the Supervalu advert telling me that if I add my partner to my car insurance, I'll get a 25% discount.

While that may be a nice offer for many of you, for me, it's yet another penalty for being single. I manage the costs of running a household alone, all the bills, the rent, the heating, the electricity are all on me. Now, to make things worse, I'm told that if only I had a partner, I would pay almost €200 less car insurance.

How is this not discrimination?

Imagine if, instead of discriminating against single people, an insurer decided to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation or skin colour. 'If you're white, you get 25% off. If you're heterosexual, you get 25% off.' That couldn't happen. No advertising team would propose it. No company would broadcast it. (And rightly so!) But apparently it's ok to discriminate on grounds of relationship status. Probably the company is patting themselves on the back, hoping to poach customers from other insurers in a market where shopping around is now essential just to stay on the road.

Mostly people like me don't complain. We haven't got the time or the energy. We know we've failed in the eyes of society. We know our children are being brought up in families which are regarded as broken. To be honest, I'm too knackered to care what people think, as long as the kids are happy. I can live with my decisions, and would do the same again. I'm not looking for handouts. I work hard to keep things afloat, and I'm doing a good job. But the reality is that life is an endless juggle of work and family. Juggling finances month by month. My family is lucky, we don't have to choose whether to buy food or heating, but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. Life's harder when you don't have another adult to share not just the costs, but the endless taxiing of teenagers and young adults, the emotional crises of exam years. I knew all this before, but now, when I flick on the radio in the car as I drive to work, I want to scream out loud at the blatant discrimination. I'm no sensitive flower. I'm not asking that people don't broadcast things that might offend me. I realise this isn't a conspiracy to make my life harder. But seriously, did any of the advertising team who came up with this consider how galling it is for a single parent to hear?'

First up, this isn't a sponsored post. I discovered the Oysho range whilst on holiday in Orihuela in Spain and I absolutely loved it. It was a bit more than I would normally spend on sportswear (although very reasonable for the quality) but as it was my birthday, it was the perfect present for me :)

I loved the colours and the feel of the fabric - the shop is based in the La Zenia shopping centre so I had a good look at all that was on offer. Oysho also do swimwear and lingerie but my main focus was the sportswear as it's a bit of an obsession of mine!

The style was what struck me first - and the bold colour combination. I find a lot of sportswear looks the same so I'm always on the lookout for something different. The blue and black and white combo is striking I think, and also very flattering.

The top and leggings felt super soft to the touch. They did lose this total softness after a couple of washes but both were so comfy when I put them on first!

The shape of the leggings is really flattering, the waistband is secure and comfortable and sits just on the tummy. The stripes add a dash of colour and the fabric is not too thin so has good structure and support.

The top also has stripes cleverly placed to flatter the shape - fabric in the top is thinner and super light. The shape is loose and free and I really like the blue straps which cross over at the back.

The true test, of course, was to actually wear them and so far I've worn this outfit to Zumba (super sweaty), running, and to my core stability class which combines yoga and pilates moves.

I found the top particularly great for Zumba as it's loose and doesn't stick to the skin when I get really hot. The leggings are perfect for everything really, they have good stretch so I'm not yanking them up when I'm doing floor exercises and they stay perfectly in place when running.

One flaw (and I minor one) is that I would prefer a slightly larger pocket - there is a small zip pocket at the back of the leggings but it's a bit of a squeeze trying to get my car keys in when I'm heading for a run.

I'm a size 12/14 so I selected a large which is just perfect for me - picture below gives an idea of what it looks like on. (Please excuse bad photo quality, I'm rubbish at mirror selfies!)

The top can be tucked in or left loose.

You can purchase the leggings here (at time of posting) for €29.99 - Tricolour Leggings

The top is available here (at time of posting) for €22.99 - Tricolour Sleeveless T-Shirt

What do I love about the Oysho Range?

Quality is key here - the fabrics are fantastic and long wearing.

Style - they are a little bit different and designed to flatter with stripes and colour blocks.

Value - although, as I said, they are a little bit more pricey than my normal sportswear, they are totally worth it. I will definitely be investing in some more.

Let me know if you have any stylish sportswear to recommend and check out my review of Lidl Sportswear for a cheaper alternative.

This is a topic I've wanted to write for some time but couldn't quite formulate what I needed to say or clarify the jumbled up thoughts in my head.
After watching yet another 'don't ever give up' video recently, I decided I'd finally try to put down what I believe about the subject because I really feel that it's a false and misleading message.
It's so prevalent at the moment. I'm sure you have all seen the positive memes, videos and sayings on social media, all giving the impression that all you have to do is try to lift your spirits and think positively.

Don't get me wrong, I think words of encouragement can sometimes help to focus your head or give that little message of support you might be needing at a particular moment in time.

The problem for me is that the implication that positive thinking is the answer to all your problems is simplistic, and worse, can make you feel like you are failing when you can't muster up enough good thoughts in a difficult situation.

Photo courtesy of canstockphoto.com

Unfortunately no amount of thinking can change actual stressful life events. If you are in debt, grieving, suffering from illness, these are things that are sometimes beyond your control and whilst dwelling on the negative won't help, neither will trying to find the positive. Because, honestly, being in a tough life situation is like being on a battleground with every inch gained a small success but the final goal a million miles away.

As for myself, I'm naturally disposed to try and make the best of things but after a series of events beginning with losing my Dad last year, my ability to stay strong and cheerful completely deserted me. I realised, recently, when things started to improve, that sometimes you need to relinquish and let go and accept that lack of control is just another part of life.

It wasn't an easy lesson to learn but I think it's an important one. And that letting go can manifest in many different ways, it can be a literal letting go of things or routines that we can't manage any more. It can be an emotional letting go of a sense of self that no longer seems quite true. And it can be a letting go of a belief that we control everything about our fate.

Which is why the 'think positive' message sounds a false note for me and is counterproductive if things are really bad. Frankly, looking at a picture of a glowing woman on a beach with an inspirational tagline attached can serve as a reminder of how helpless and uninspired we feel. It can have the opposite effect of the intended message and make us feel like we are not quite up to par because with can't ride the storm with sunshine and joy.

I found this interesting article on the topic and it refers to another important point that should be highlighted - masking our real feelings of helplessness doesn't always lead to better things.

'If you feel that the world completely sucks, then telling yourself to think positive isn’t dealing with your real feelings. You can't just put a happy mask on whenever you're feeling miserable and think that's going to solve all your problems.
You need to face your feelings and go through them.'

This ties in with my idea of letting go and accepting what is happening - an experience that won't be achieved by using glib phraseology to pretend that everything is wonderful when it really isn't.

I think the answer for me is hope, I always hope that things will get better and know that life is ever changing and moving forward.

And it's ok to be negative and feel sad or frustrated, accepting that it's how life is at a particular moment makes us human.

Purity Belle is teaming up with The Wedding Journal Show to give away two pairs of tickets to the Dublin show in the Citywest Convention Centre on the 24th & 25th September. For your chance to win a pair, answer the following question:

In what venue will The Wedding Journal Show take place in Dublin this September 2016?

Send your answers to puritybelle@gmail.com by Friday 17th September to enter.

The Wedding Journal Show is back!

The Wedding Journal Show returns to the Citywest Convention Centre, Dublin on Saturday 24th & Sunday 25th September with an action packed all-new show!

With over 300 of Ireland’s top wedding suppliers and businesses under one roof, this really is a wedding show not to be missed.

Couples will have the chance to Win a Honeymoon like a Celebrity at the show; a life-changing prize for anyone. The lucky winners will go on a once-in-a-lifetime luxury honeymoon to South Africa, taking in Cape Town, the Winelands and a wildlife safari, with business class flights from Ethiopian Airlines. Visitors to the show can enter this incredible competition for free, with the winner being revealed during the exciting live final on the main stage on Sunday.

Couples can celebrate their upcoming big day in style in the luxurious VIP Lounge where VIPs will be treated to a glass of bubby and a fabulous free Benefit goody bag.

The renowned International Bridal Catwalk will run three times daily featuring the very latest wedding dresses, bridesmaids’ gowns, occasion wear and grooms wear from world-renowned designers and manufactures. Collections are modelled by a team of professional dancers who really know how to put on a show.

Providing more fashion inspiration, the new Bridal Boulevard is a unique shopping area where brides-to-be can view, try on and buy wedding dresses. This stage will also host daily Benefit beauty masterclasses.

Wedding Journal Show visitors will also have the opportunity to talk to wedding industry experts about every aspect of their wedding day, from venues and stationery, to cakes and cars, that all-important honeymoon and a lot more besides.

At the Alternative Wedding Village couples will be introduced to some of Ireland’s most creative and quirky wedding suppliers. New for Autumn 2016, the Honeymoon & Destination WeddingPavilion provides the perfect platform to plan that dream honeymoon or wedding abroad.

Opening times: Saturday 24th and Sunday 25th September 12pm-6pm. Save 25% with online tickets at WeddingJournalOnline.com. Tickets can also be purchased at the door.

I have been slow to update my blog lately due to being busy - lots of candle orders, always a good thing! Also I've been trying to chill out a little and not be so hard on myself when it comes to my internal 'to do list'. Not as easy as it sounds but my recent short trip to Donegal was so relaxing it helped wind me down quite a bit.
If you've read previous blog posts or know me in real life, you know that Donegal is one of my absolute favourite places to visit. It has incredible scenery and friendly people and it always gives me such a sense of peace to slow down and take in the beauty of nature there. There is something about the mountains and wide stretch of sky that seems to put things in perspective for me.

This was a short visit but so nice, spending time with my friend Sue is always a pleasure. She is that person who knows me better than anyone - we could be drinking wine and dancing our socks off in the kitchen, or just sitting companionably reading together and it always feels just right.
We had pretty crazy weather when I was there, it went from torrential rain and wind to sunny in the blink of an eye and I was afraid we wouldn't get to go swimming but in between the rain showers we decided to brave it and it was so worth it!

We went to St.John's Point beach the second day - this is a stunning sheltered inlet at the end of a peninsula - the drive itself is worth the trip, you are surrounded by sea and soft greens and it is just breathtaking on a good day.
We brought a picnic and a flask of tea and huddled by the rocks as it was pretty cold but it was still delicious :)

Picnic Selfie!

Boat at St. John's Point

St. John's Point

Some Beach Companions :)

Swimming was amazing - maybe it's to do with the bracing (to put it mildly!) water but I always feel great coming out of the water. It's so clean and once you acclimatize to the sea, you just don't want to get out. When you do get out finally, you feel tingly and alive, it's such a gorgeous feeling.

Another day we went to Fintra beach, again it was a horrible day and we had to sit in the car looking out at the torrential rain for 10 minutes before the sun broke through - we jumped out and got on our swim gear as quickly as possible and just ran with towels over the dunes down to the beach. There was hardly a soul there but the great thing about Fintra is that there is almost always a lifeguard on duty. We checked that it was ok to swim and headed in to the water. It actually felt almost warm and the sun appeared intermittently so, again, it was a gorgeous experience.

Fintra Beach

We were pretty lazy about cooking which was nice for me although Sue made the most fabulous continental breakfast one morning.

Killibegs is a working port and not such a pretty place to visit although I do love to look at the boats and it has lots of nice beaches in the surrounding area. I've eaten in lots of nice places in Donegal but Ahoy was new to me and I had to write a little bit about it because I like to recommend places that are good to eat.

I hadn't intended doing a review as I was in holiday mode so didn't take too many photos or notes but it was a really nice experience. The staff are lovely and the food was fabulous and reasonably priced.

It's a popular spot and we had to sit outside for a little bit whilst we waited for a table to become free inside. There is a seating area outside with a few tables and on a good day it would be great to sit there and look out at the harbour.

Sue had a crab burger - I don't eat sea food but she said it was fab. My choice was a pitta with falafel and this was delicious, there was a little tzatziki style sauce with it and a small salad and it was really good.

I can also totally recommend the chunky chips as I was helping myself to Sue's portion :)

I was really impressed with the approach to allergies also - Izzy has multiple food allergies and eating out can be a bit fraught so I always really appreciate when it is taken seriously. I asked if Izzy could have just a portion of bacon and sausages and the owner offered to make them fresh so that there would be no contamination issues. This was very reassuring for me and it was done in such a pleasant way, I felt at ease straight away. It might sound like a small thing but any allergy parent understands how difficult and scary it can be when restaurant staff don't seem to understand or take seriously how dangerous food allergies can be.

Despite being totally full after my falafel I foolishly decided to order dessert. My choice was the cheesecake. These change regularly so you can just ask what is on for the day. Mine was a flake cheesecake and it came in the cutest jar. I loved this idea, thought it was so pretty and a little bit different.

Cheesecake Ahoy Café

Cheesecake in a Jar

It was really gorgeous, creamy and sweet but I just didn't really have room for it so had to give up. I'd recommend taking a wee break before having dessert :)

Coffee was perfect too and the service was friendly and nice. There were books to browse through about Killibegs and the history of the building which was interesting and there is wifi too so it would be a nice place to just relax over coffee.

Unfortunately, our trip came to an end all too soon but I'll be heading that way again as soon as I can.