Ferrari Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

The son of a rich Saudi sheikh arrives in Germany for his University studies.

He soon writes home to his father. "Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, the people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad I am a little ashamed to be riding to class every day in my 24k gold Ferrari 599GTB when my professors, friends and many fellow students all travel by train. Your son, Ahmed"

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Promptly, his father writes back. "My Dear son Ahmed, $20 Million has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing our family. Go and get yourself a train too. Love, your dad"

A man goes to buy a Ferrari...

but he was short of $1.

He saw a homeless man and said "Can you give me a dollar, I have to buy a Ferrari."

The homeless man gave him two dollars and said "Get one for me too."

My sex life is like a Ferrari!

I don't have a Ferrari.

Other students come by train

A student to his father:

Dear father,
Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train.
Love,
Your son

Woman:
So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each
month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20
years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man:
Correct

Woman:
Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have
been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for
compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari?

Man:
Do you drink beer?

Woman:
No

Man:
Where's your Ferrari?

Positive...

James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice:

" -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?"

" -Terrible."

" -What?! What about your Ferrari?"

" -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired."

" -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?"

" -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact."

" -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or something?"

" -She did, yeah... And was with her brother. She died too. Only person who wasn't in the car was my wife."

" -Oh thank God! How is she?"

" -She ran off with my bussiness partner."

" -Well, at least you got the company."

" -Yeah, a bankrupt one... I owe millions."

" -Jesus, dude! Do you have anything positive in your life?"

" -Yeah, HIV."

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Kevin says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Kevin, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson . .. . ..

And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Kevin¹s hooker."

My boss showed up to work in a brand new Ferrari

He told me, "if you work hard, put in all your hours, and never give up; next year I'll get another one!"

An Arab student e-mails his dad

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here,
but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser.

The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:

My dear loving son,

Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.

Love,
your Dad

What's the best way to grease a Ferrari?

Run over an Italian.

Johny the Fighter Pilot

A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you
grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's Prostitute."

A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach

He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."

After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."

"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.

"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.

"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.

Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.

"I wish to donate a kidney."

A man goes for a walk....

A man goes for a walk along the beach after a bad divorce with his wife. During his walk he finds an old lamp in the sand. Upon further examining it, a genie comes out and tells him he will grant three wishes, but whatever you wish for your ex-wife will get double.

The man quickly uses his first wish for a brand new Ferrari, but his ex-wife got two new Ferraris as well.

The man, just as quickly, uses his second wish for one million dollars, but his ex-wife got two million dollars.

The man now takes his time for his third wish, the genie can tell he is really thinking about it. The man finally decides on his third wish and says "Beat me half to death."

Guy and genie in a bottle

Guy finds a bottle and opens it. Out comes the ghost and says:

"I will grant you 3 wishes but there's a catch...for every wish you make every politician in the world gets double of that."

And the guy says: "I want a Ferrari"

Ghost: "Done, plus 2 for each politician"

Guy: "I want 10 million dollars"

Ghost: "Done, plus 20 million for each politician"

Guy: "I always wanted to donate a kidney"

The Doubling Genie

A man is walking along the beach one day and finds a bottle. He picks it up, rubs it, and a genie appears.

"Hello, I'm a genie and I'm here to grant you 3 wishes! You can have absolutely anything you'd like."

"So what's the catch?" the man asks

"The only catch is that your ex-wife gets twice of whatever you ask for"

The man seems taken aback, but agrees nonetheless. "Okay, well first off, I'd like a new Ferrari."

"Your wish is my command," replies the genie. A new Ferrari appears in front of the man. "However I just gave your wife two new Ferraris. What will your second wish be?"

Slightly frustrated, the man shrugs it off and continues.

"I'd like a mansion right here on the beach!" exclaimed the man.

His new mansion materialized right behind him. "Here's your mansion, but remember that your wife just got two mansions on the beach."

Visibly angered, the man pushes on to his third wish.

"And for you final wish?" the genie inquires.

The man replies, "I'd like you to scare me half to death."

Two panhandlers meet after a long time and talk about their last year income

Guy 1: How did it go last year?
Guy 2: Pretty decent, I was able to purchase a two bedroom apartment, a Ferrari and furnish my house.
Guy 1: Whaaaaaat? How did you manage to do that, I have been on the streets 24x7 and have hardly managed to pay rent and look after my family?
Guy 2: What does your sign say?
Guy 1: No work, wife and 2 kids to support. What does your sign say?
Guy 2: Need a few bucks to go back to my country.

Why was Harry Potter surprised when Ferrari won the F1 race?

Because he expecto'd Petronas.

A german, italian, and american chat in a bar..

A German, an Italian, and an American chat in a bar.
The German says: "my wife goes 0 to 100 in 7 seconds!"
"How so?" replies the Italian.
"I bought her a Porsche" replies the German.
"bah! my wife goes 0 to 100 in 5 seconds!!" the Italian states.
"really?? how?" asks the German.
"I bought her a Ferrari!!" smirks the Italian.
"my wife goes 0-100 in 2 seconds" replies the American.
"impossible!! how???" both say the German and Italian.
"I bought her a weigh scale!"

2 reasons why I don't let my girlfriend drive my Ferrari

Reason 1: I have no Ferrari

Reason 2: I have no girlfriend

A Saudi Arabian Oil Baron sends his son to study abroad...

To help his son in his life and studies abroad, he gives his son a good deal of money and more importantly, a Ferrari sportscar, as he though it might be a good idea to flaunt some wealth.

Despite this, a few weeks later his son calls him and laments Dad, every time I go to lectures, I drive there with my Ferrari, but everyone else there takes the train, its really awkward as I'm the only guy with a car!

A man walks into a hotel and spots an attractive prostitute..

He says to her, "Hey.. You wanna get a room?" winking. She smiles and says yes. They get to the room and he asks how much for a handjob. She says $250, and he says, "That much for just a handjob?! Thats ridiculous!" She points outside to a Ferrari and says, "I bought that car with just the money I made from handjobs." He says, "Wow.. I guess I'll take a handjob then." So she gives him a handjob and he says, "That's the best handjob I've ever had. How much for a bj?" She says $500. "$500?! That's insane." "See that hotel across the street? I purchased that with just the money I've gotten with bj's" He says, "Wow.. I'll take one." She gives him a bj, and it was the best bj he's ever gotten. He then asks, "How much to pound your poon?" She says, "See that casino? That's what I would of bought with all of my money if I was a woman."

Lol, my mom told me that joke today.

So 4 guys are talking in a bar.

So 4 guys are talking in a bar, one leaves to go to the restroom while the others continue to talk. They start talking about the success of their sons, the first man says "my son's car company is so successful he was able to get his best friend a new Ferrari for his birthday." The second man boasts "well my son's real estate company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a new house for his birthday." The third man says "my son's airline company is so successful he was able to give his best friend a private jet for his birthday. The forth man comes back from the restroom and asks what everyone is talking about, they reply back "we're just talking about the success of our sons." The forth man says "oh, my son is a gay stripper," the other three men feel sorry for him and apologize, but the forth man simply says "don't worry about it, it's not that bad, for his birthday he got a new ferrari, house, and a private jet from his three boyfriends."

I identify as a ferrari

Because I like to have two people inside of me.

Three men die and go to heaven.

At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven.

He asks the first man, Have you ever cheated on your wife? The man answers, No, never! St. Peter says, Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.

St. Peter then asks the second man, Have you ever cheated on your wife? The man answers, I did once and regret it to this day! St. Peter says, I hear your regret. Take this Honda Civic.

St. Peter then asks the third man, Have you ever cheated on your wife? The man answers, Many times. What can I say, I just love women! St. Peter says, You are honest. Take this scooter. At least you won't have to walk.

So the third man is riding around on his scooter when he sees the first man's Ferrari pulled over to the side of the road. He sees the man, crying, and asks, What's wrong?

Three men die in a car crash

They find themselves at the gates of Heaven. Saint Peter approaches them, saying "Okay, you'll get a vehicle for getting around Heaven depending on your faithfulness to your spouse".

The first man says "I never cheated on my wife, and I love her". He gets a Ferrari.

The second man says "I cheated on my wife once, but I still love her". He gets a horse.

The third man says "I cheated on my wife a couple times, but I still love her". He gets a scooter.

Soon after being allowed in to heaven, the man on his scooter sees the man in his Ferrari, crying his eyes out, and asks "What's wrong?".

The man looks up, and replies "I just saw my wife with a pair of roller skates...".

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a 23 year old blonde girl?

I don't have a Ferrari tied up in my garage.

A man knows his marraige is on the rocks and wants to buy a grand gift for his wife...

He offers to buy her a Ferrari but she says no, he offers to get her a massive diamond ring but she declines, he asks her if she wants a huge yacht but she again turns him down. Exasperated, he says 'well what *do* you want?' to which she replies 'a divorce!', the guy goes deathly pale and whimpers 'I wasn't planning on spending *that* much'.

If you could have Bill Gates' wealth or cure all the suffering in Africa...

What colour Ferrari would you get?

My lovelife is like a ferrari.

I can't afford it.

A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button...

... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.

Bill and Ted were at a bar...

Bill asked, "Hey where's Dave? Why isn't he here tonight?"
"Dave is dead," said Ted.
"How?"
Ted said, "Well, he was supposed to pick me up, but when he got to my house, he hit my Ferrari in the driveway, flew through his own windshield, and crashed through my kitchen window."
"What a terrible way to die!"
"Well, no, that didn't kill him. He tried to get up off of my kitchen floor, and he grabbed the handle of my refrigerator door for balance, but the fridge tipped over. It knocked down my china cabinet as well, and everything fell on him."
"Flattened by a refrigerator? That's horrible!"
"That didn't kill him either. He managed to stand up but he fell again, this time into my fireplace. He caught on fire, and started running frantically about. Everything he touched caught on fire, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain."
"That's the worst thing yet! Oh man, poor Dave!"
"No, he was still alive after that."
"Wait, he survived all that? How exactly did he die?"
"Well, I shot him. He was destroying my house."

Dark Jokes?

What's worse than 18 dead babies in a bucket? 1 baby in 18 different buckets.

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my Garage.

A man finds a magic lamp

A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie.

"I'll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much"

Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says "Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage."

The genie says "Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2"

Next,the man says "I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage"

The genie says, "You now have 3 cars for your garage, your ex wife has 6"

The man gets a smile on his face as he says his last wish," I want to be beaten half to death!"

My girlfriend is like my Ferrari...

I don't have one.

Three men die and go to heaven

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates.

St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, "Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."

St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse.

St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said before and gives this man a Ferrari because he was very faithful to his spouse.

One week later, the three men all meet each other at a stop light in heaven. The first 2 men notice that the third, in his Ferrari, is crying. They ask him why.

He replies, "I just passed my wife. She was riding a skateboard."

A man is offered one wish...

A man stumbles upon a lamp and rubs it... same old setup, you know the story - but this time it's different; a genie pops out and offers him just ONE wish.

However, there is a condition.

The genie says he can wish for anything he wants, but whatever he asks for his wife gets double. "You want a ferrari, your wife gets two... you want a million pounds, your wife gets two million pounds".

The man understands and thinks about it... what could he do to maximise the use of this unique opportunity?

After a little while his eyes light up and he tells the genie he knows what he wants.

"My wish is for you to beat me half to death".

Do you smoke cigarettes?

Paul: Do you smoke cigarettes?
Patrick: Oh yes.
Paul: How many sticks a day?
Patrick: 7 packs.
Paul: When did you start smoking?
Patrick: 18 years ago.
Paul: How much does a pack cost?
Patrick: 10 dollars
Paul: So you spent 70 dollars a day on cigarettes?
Patrick: Yes.
Paul: If you had saved the 70 dollars a day for 18 years, that would be $460,000 and you could be driving your own Ferrari right now.
Patrick: Can I ask you a question?
Paul: Go ahead.
Patrick: Do you smoke cigarettes?
Paul: No.
Patrick: So where is your Ferrari?

So I hear Lawyer Jokes are in...

So a Lawyer is driving home from a successful case in his prized Ferrari, when he is hit from behind in a fender bender. He pulls over to swap insurance, but the driver just keeps going. Cursing his luck, he gets out to survey the damage when another car comes flying by, and takes his car door off. He is at this point freaking out, distraught at the damage to his prized possession when another car pulls to a stop. A man gets out and says, "I saw what happened, do you need help?". The lawyer says no, he'll just have to tow it and get a rental, when the guy stops him. "You lawyers are all the same; so obsessed with material things. Can't you see the car that knocked off your car door took your left arm with it?" The lawyer looks to his left for the first time and yells " my Rolex!"

A man smokes a pack a day for 30 years

His wife, sick of it: do you realize that if you had saved all this cigaret money you could have bought a ferrari by now ?

The man answers: well where's your ferrari ?

A very successful lawyer buys a new Ferrari...

He parks in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he gets out, a truck passes too close and completely tears the door off of the driver's side. The counselor immediately grabs his cell phone, dials 911, and within minutes a policeman pulls up to take a report.

Before the officer has a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer starts screaming hysterically. His Ferrari, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.

When the lawyer finally winds down from his ranting and raving, the officer shakes his head in disgust.

"I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "All you care about is money and your possessions."

The lawyer unleashes a stream of obscenities before the officer can calm him down.

"Hear me out...see, you are so worried about your car, you didn't even notice that the accident took off your left arm."

"Oh my god!" screams the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex!"

A guy with a Ferrari

drives his car a bit over the limit. Suddenly he gets pulled over by a policewoman. Knowing he was in trouble, he asks:

"How much?"

The policewoman replies:

"That's gonna be 95 dollars"

To which the man replies:

"Sounds good, get in."

Four old friends meet in a pub and discuss how successful their sons are

The first guy says - My son is so successful, he recently got one of his friends a Yacht as a present.

The second guy says - My son is much more successful, he recently got one of his friends a brand new Ferrari.

The third guy says - That's nothing, my son recently got his friend a helicopter as a present.

During all of this, the fourth friend was in the toilet, and when he comes back, the rest of the guys ask him - "What about your son?"

He says - Oh, my son is a male prostitute, and he recently got a Yacht, a brand new Ferrari and a Helicopter from his clients!

Paint it green

A young man shows up for a job at a large house and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and gives the young man a gallon of green paint and a brush and tells him to go out back and paint the "porch green." After a few hours the young man comes back and knocks on the front door. The owner opens the door and the young man says, "Sir, I'm done paintin', but that aint no porch you got out back, it's a Ferrari."

You can compare my lovelife with my Ferrari.

I don't have a Ferrari.

4 friends (Ladies) meet 30 years after school at reunion.....

One goes to take food while the other 3 start to talk about how
successful their sons became.

No. 1 says her son studied economics, became a banker and is so rich
he gave his best friend a ferrari.

No. 2 said her son became a pilot, started his own airline, became so
rich he gave his best friend a jet.

No. 3 said her son became an engineer, started his own development
company, became so rich he build his best friend a castle.

No 4. came back with a plate full of food and asked what the buzz is about.

They told her they were talking about how successful their sons became
and asked her about her son.

She said her son is gay and he works in a Gay Bar.

The other 3 said she must be very disappointed with her son for not
becoming successful.

" Oh no !! " said the Lady, he is doing good.

" Last week on his birthday he got a ferrari, a jet and a castle from
3 of his boyfriends..." .

All the 3 Ladies fainted ....

A son of a wealthy arab prince goes to college in europe

After a few months he gets a letter from his father asking how he is, and how's college life, etc.

And he replies to his father: "oh, everything is fine here, but it is really strange, most people here come to college by train and bus, and I'm the only one driving a golden Ferrari every day to classes"

And after a few days, he gets a letter from his father with a black credit card inside and a note saying: "Son, dont humiliate the family, here's the unlimited credit card, buy yourself a train too!"

I just bought a Pontiac that sexually identifies as a Ferrari

It's a Trans Am

What's the difference between a 14-year old girl and a Ferrari?

Roy Moore doesn't have a Ferrari in his basement.

Three men were discussing the presents they gave their wives...

Guy 1: I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 4 seconds

Guy 2: What?

Guy 1: A brand new Porsche 911

Guy 2: Well I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds

Guy 1: What?

Guy 2: A brand new Ferrari

Guy 3: That's nothing I gave my wife a present that goes from 0-250 in 2 seconds

Guy 2: Wow what?

Guy 3: A weight scale

Little Johnny

The teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny says: "I wanna start out as a Marine Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest hooker, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in London, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel all over Europe, a Visa Card with no limit, and all the time banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane."

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson.

And how about you, Sarah?"

"I wanna be Johnny's hooker."

Did y'all hear about the Anti-vax kid who bought a Ferrari at the age of 2?

Yeah, it was his midlife crisis.

I heard about this spoiled girl who freaked out...

Because her parents bought her a black Ferrari instead of a blue one.

Really makes me appreciate my parents

Because they bought me a blue one

They say money can't buy happiness…

But tell me, have you ever seen a sad man in a Ferrari?

My Love Life is Like my Ferrari...

It's nonexistent

What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies?

I haven't got a Ferrari in my garage

Two prostitutes were talking about clients...

When one of them points to the Mercedes across the street.

"You see that car, the owner afforded it because of me" she said with a smile on her face

"You know, that's not how it works, we don't give them money, they give it to us" the second said confused.

"Yeah, I know, before he met me, he had the money to buy a Ferrari"

A guy looking for work

A guy goes door to door looking for work. One homeowner hands him a brush and a can of paint and offers him $150 to paint his porch.

A few hours later, the guy comes back to the homeowner and says, I'm finished. But you should know that your car's a Ferrari, not a Porsche.

Did you hear about the snail who bought himself a Ferrari and painted a big yellow "S" on the side?

Now wherever he drives, people watch and say "Look at that S-car go!"

I realized prostitutes name themselves after exotic cars like Porsche or Ferrari because they're "the sexiest ride you'll ever have"...