Archives for October 2013

A church member and good friend recently gave me a book that meant a great deal to him. He’s a very successful young business owner and I’m a pastor. He’s trying to grow in the area of discipleship and how it relates to his vocation and I’m trying to grow in the area of leadership. Since the two of us come from such different yet similar worlds, we’ve begun a relationship of giving each other meaningful books that we think might help the other person grow.

The first book he gave me to read was the classic, “How to Win Friends and Influence People,” by Dale Carnegie. This book was written over 75 years ago and still remains a classic among business people. I actually laughed when he gave it to me because I couldn’t believe out of all the books I’ve read in my life (and I’m a big reader) I had never picked this one up. He explained that whenever he opens a new franchise to his company and is training the management and sales people in how they do business, he always gives them a copy of this book. His hope was that it would also come to mean a great deal to me. And he was not wrong.

Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. (This is the secret to being a great conversationalist.)

Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.

Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. (Because even if you win, you aren’t going to get what you want.)

Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”

If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. (A good way to start is to admit that you could be mistaken.)

Begin in a friendly way.

Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.

Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Appeal to the nobler motives. (Even if deep down they make the decision based on the baser ones. Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story.)

Dramatize your ideas. (A picture and a story are worth a thousand words.)

Throw down a challenge. (Do this when all else fails.)

How to Be an Effective Leader

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Let the other person save face.

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

But the best lesson of all is this: Carnegie writes, “If there’s any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to understand the other person’s point of view and to see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.”

This book reminded me that just because we say we’re disciples of Jesus Christ doesn’t make it so. We are always in need of grace and growth as we journey toward greater discipleship. And too often we so-called disciples are guilty of arrogance, closed-mindedness, being argumentative, and being generally haughty about our supposed claim of holiness. We do not listen to others with graciousness. We look for arguments because we think “taking a stand” means picking fights. And yes, we often place the value of our own holiness on how unholy we regard others.

I highly recommend Carnegie’s work for leaders – both pastors, DSs, and bishops, as well as leaders outside of the church. It is a work that reminds us how much success (and holiness) is dependent on a sense of humility and grace in dealing with others. It’s a must-read for all who dare to call themselves disciples.

So go online. Go to your local bookstore. Do it today. Buy this book and be reminded how important it is to “love our neighbor as our self.” Or you could always email me for my copy – just as long as you don’t mind it being filled with pen marks, underlines, and stars next to all of the lessons I learned from reading this work.

Washing of the Feetby John August Swansonaccessed 10/21/13(http://www.johnaugustswanson.com/default.cfm/PID=1.2.11)

I have wrestled for the last few days about how to write this column. I’ve toyed with the idea of using cute stories or creative rhetoric. I’ve dabbled with the thought of making the article one big story with a surprise twist at the end. But nothing came together.

You see, I can’t seem to write this column without coming back to a simple, straight-forward question: Where has our sense of humility gone?

We live in a world of self-promotion and market shares. It seems like we’ve lost the sense of what “common good” means when we’d rather win an argument than see someone else thrive. Worse yet, our “winning” must also include someone else “losing.” After all, what’s the fun of winning if someone doesn’t lose and feel that loss?

We could easily turn to Washington, D.C., for great examples of trying to win at the expense of others. But if we just use them as examples we miss the larger point — they didn’t get those jobs by themselves. They were elected by people like you and me. And they’re not uniquely entrenched in this idea of winning at all costs. We’re all guilty.

We all want to win arguments so “our side” can win at all costs. We all want to be right even if it means proving others to be wrong. We all want to surround ourselves with others who think, talk, believe and act just like us. And we all use those magic labels of “us” and “them” when we talk about the world.

Where is the sense of humility that can temper our passions for issues and beliefs enough to see the God-given value of others even when they don’t agree with us?

The tough part about humility is that we tend to think it’s a sign of weakness. Being humble means you’re weak in your beliefs or you’re not passionate enough to take a stand. But I think about the people in my life who are the greatest examples of faith. They are not the ones who gripe about the opposing political party or the president. They are not the ones who demonize those who do not share their faith. They do not spend their time watching inflammatory commentary on cable news or commenting on Internet news sites.

No, these witnesses to the strength of faith are often quiet. They let their actions speak their faith and, when words are needed, they say them with gentleness. The people who have been the biggest influences on my faith are people who let humility and grace frame the ways they live and speak their faith because they know how to see God in others.

Ironically, these people would never, ever consider themselves people of great faith — that’s what makes their witness so powerful. Because, as C.S. Lewis wrote, “Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

May we all learn the virtue of humility. May we all learn that there are more important things in life than being right. And may we all learn to let humility and grace shape the ways we live and speak with each other.

Tomorrow marks the Feast Day of St. Francis. And to celebrate, many churches will hold a special Blessing of the Animals Service to honor St. Francis’ love for creation. Saturday morning we’ll hold our Blessing of the Animals service at Mulberry. This is one of my favorite events in the life of the church because it has the potential to do some things the normal church schedule cannot do:

People engage with the church in a new way because they’re bringing their pets to church. Pets are members of our families and this is a special and unique way to celebrate the love of family.

The church is connecting to people in a unique way. This is a wonderful opportunity to engage people outside of the routine of worship, studies, and committee meetings. This is an event with no strings attached — people come, celebrate, share in a blessing, and enjoy meeting each others’ pets. It’s important for the church to find intersections where faith and real life meet and this is a certainly one of those intersections.

This is a great community event. Publicize this event in your community. This is a unique way to have people come to your church when they may not come on a Sunday morning. Maybe they’ll come back on Sunday — maybe not. Who cares about that. You’re offering the church as a place for the community and that’s vitally important.

Below is a simple liturgy I’ve prepared for the event. You’ll notice it’s short — Lord knows pets can get restless. Full services are great if you’re already doing them. But simple can work too. Maybe this is a service your church would like to try next year? If so, feel free to use and adapt this liturgy to best fit your context.

Litany of Thanks

Let us give thanks to God for the gifts so freely bestowed upon us.For the beauty and wonder of your creation, in earth and sky and sea;

We thank you, Lord.

For the richness of the mountains, plains and rivers;

We thank you, Lord.

For all that is gracious in the lives of men and women;

We thank you, Lord.

For all creatures that breathe, and move, and have life;

We thank you, Lord.

For the songs of birds and the loveliness of flowers and trees;

We thank you, Lord.

For the trust you have shown in giving into our care these, our pets;

We thank you, Lord.

That each pet here may be treasured with care;

We pray to you, Lord.

That we may love and honor all your works, O God;

We pray to you, Lord.

May we continue to grow in our grateful enjoyment of your abundant creation. Amen.

Old Tesament Reading GENESIS 1:24-31

And God said, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind.” And it was so. {25} God made the wild animals of the earth of every kind, and the cattle of every kind, and everything that creeps upon the ground of every kind. And God saw that it was good. {26} Then God said, “Let us make humankind in our image, according to our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the wild animals of the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.” {27} So God created humankind in his image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. {28} God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth.” {29} God said, “See, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit; you shall have them for food. {30} And to every beast of the earth, and to every bird of the air, and to everything that creeps on the earth, everything that has the breath of life, I have given every green plant for food.” And it was so. {31} God saw everything that he had made, and indeed, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day.

This is The Word of the Lord.

Thanks be to God.

MOMENT OF REMEMBRANCE

O Lord, we pause and give thanks for the memories of those pets we have lost.We pray for their owners who continue to mourn their loss.But most of all, we give thanks for their memoryand for the ways in which they enriched our lives. Amen.

THE BLESSING PRAYER

Creator God,We give thanks that all things belong to you.We praise you for giving us the animals, birds and fish which fill your world.We give thanks for our pets that bring us joyand who help teach us the value of unconditional love.Grant that we may good caretakers for our petsthat they may also know the joy of unconditional love.May our shared lives together always bring joy to others as we live, serve,and love all of your creatures, both great and small;through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

THE BLESSING OF EACH PET (INDIVIDUALLY)

“(Name) may you be blessed in the Name of the Father, and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit. May you and N. (the name of the “owner”) enjoy life together and find joy with the God who created you. Amen.”