Blog – FOCUS Ministries, Inc.http://www.focusministries1.org
There is hope in healing!Thu, 17 Nov 2016 20:10:54 +0000en-UShourly1Is There Any Hope For Me?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/is-there-any-hope-for-me
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/is-there-any-hope-for-me#respondWed, 09 Nov 2016 17:24:15 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1292Ann sat gazing at the stain-glass window as she listened to the worship songs being sung. She noticed the varied colored pieces that had been carefully placed to form the intricate design. Her mind wandered to the hopes and dreams…

Ann sat gazing at the stain-glass window as she listened to the worship songs being sung. She noticed the varied colored pieces that had been carefully placed to form the intricate design. Her mind wandered to the hopes and dreams she had once carried inside now stomped on and broken by the person who was supposed to love her. The court system had played havoc on her life adding to the abuse that had weighed her down. Contempt of court was only a laughable phrase that meant nothing to the abuser. Where was the justice?

The church that was supposed to be a safe place for the brokenhearted was ill-equipped to handle her situation and others like hers. Just give grace was all she heard. Truth was not acknowledged and no accountability to the perpetrator was given. Friends disappeared tired from hearing about the mess. Christians judged. The phone sat silent in its holder. No encouraging and supportive messages were left.

Although she had long left the destructive marriage behind, she sat noticing that every movement caused the shattered pieces to move and rewound. Life was a hard struggle financially and loneliness seemed to be her constant companion. Trust still remained an uncertainty.

Her emotional roller coaster kept her encircled in a journey she did not want to repeat. Progress in her personal growth came in baby steps that were sometimes hard to measure. She was free from the relationship but was she really free from what dwelt within, the persistent struggles. Will God transform the shattered pieces of her life into a masterful piece of art?

Like Ann most of us struggle with the effect of hardships life brings that has been buried deep within. We may or may not be aware of the churning inside for our body has become numb to the pain.

Sometimes we cover the struggles with outward addictions to people, food, drugs, alcohol, or things. These self-medicating coping skills keep us from addressing the issues that have permeated our life. The issues associated with the hurt and pain have mounted up like a pile of garbage that is toxic to our souls.

Not only do we hold on to them with every bit of strength we possess, but we remain in situations and relationships that are detrimental to our well-being. We don’t realize that the splinter of hurt caused by the initial pain inflicted by others has penetrated deeper over time. The infection of our thoughts and feelings caused by the puss oozing from the wound spreads rapidly throughout our body.

Do we allow the wound to fester until it makes the whole-body sick or possibly die? Are we willing to endure the pain to remove the splinter, cleanse the wound with antibiotics, and give up our coping mechanisms? Or do we just slap a band aid on and pretend it doesn’t exist as our God given treasures are eaten away?

An important question arises to the surface. Are we being a good steward of the treasures God has created in each one of us, the treasures that make us unique?

Our treasures:

Relationship with the Lord

Soul and spirit

Feelings

Attitudes

Beliefs

Opinions

Thoughts

Values

Talents

Abilities

Desires

Dreams

Personality

How we use and protect these treasures is our responsibility. Setting appropriate boundaries is necessary. Being consistent and giving consequences when they are violated is essential. Allowing others to come in and destroy our treasures is not good stewardship.

Ann’s treasures had been shattered. She realized she had been holding on to each little piece trying to figure out how to put them back together. As she looked up, her eyes were drawn to the cross. “Give Me your broken treasures,” she distinctly heard.

Ann glanced back at the stained-glass window. A rainbow of color shone through. A tear rolled down her cheek. She heard a soft whisper. “Ann, I have collected the pieces. They are in my hand. Be patient for I am creating a unique masterpiece so My glory will shine through the pieces of your life.”

“I have caught every tear. I keep them close to Me. I know every heartache. Nothing is a waste. Hold on to Me. There is a purpose, My purpose, in all of your suffering. There is coming a time of rejoicing when everything will be revealed.”

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/is-there-any-hope-for-me/feed0What Do You Want Me to Do for You?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-do-you-want-me-to-do-for-you
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-do-you-want-me-to-do-for-you#commentsThu, 22 Sep 2016 20:14:49 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1281Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it…

]]>Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, “Jesus, son of David, have mercy on me!”

Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, “Son of David, have mercy on me!”

Jesus stopped and said, “Call him.”

So they called to the blind man “Cheer up! On your feet! He’s calling you.” Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.

“What do you want me to do for you?” Jesus asked him.

The blind man said , “Rabbi, I want to see.”

“Go,” said Jesus, “your faith has healed you.” Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road. Mark 10:46-52 NIV

This passage of Scripture denotes elements that correlate with devastating times in our lives. Times when we desperately need Jesus.

Bartimaeus, a blind beggar, did not possess the appropriate social status to be noticed or acknowledged especially in a large crowd, but he had a pressing need that he knew Jesus could meet. His need created a boldness within that was expressed by shouting “have mercy on me.”

When our circumstances become greater than our ability to fix it, we cry out to Jesus hoping that He will supply. As our need increases, our desperation is more boldly expressed.

The crowd’s reaction though to Bartimaeus’s cries was one of rebuke. It was as if they were saying, “You are not worth being heard. Shhhhhh!!!!” But that did not stop Bartimaeus. He shouted louder trying to get Jesus’ attention.

This kind rebuke often happens to those who turn to the Christian community looking for compassion as they tell the secret of domestic violence that is destroying them and their families. They are told to be quiet and to live in peace, but Jesus is calling them to him for He hears their voice just like He did for Bartimaeus. Jesus values each one of us in spite of our circumstances.

When Jesus acknowledged Bartimaeus’ cry for mercy, the crowd changed their tone and actually told Bartimaeus to cheer up and go to Jesus.

Isn’t that just like us in the Christian community? We don’t apologize for our previous actions or lack of compassion. We change our response to be more “godly” and deny our judgmental attitude. It is interesting that the crowd’s hypocritical response did not deter Bartimaeus from expressing his need. Are we willing to do the same?

When Bartimaeus faced Jesus, Jesus asked what he wanted him to do for him. Bartimaeus’ desire was to see. Because of his faith, he was healed.

When we approach Jesus, do we know what we want Him to do for us? Do we believe He will do it? Or do we timidly fade into the crowd because of fear and shame wanting not to be noticed and resigning ourselves to living out the rest of life in our difficult circumstances?

Circumstances can change, but we need to “speak up boldly’ and not be silenced! Jesus is waiting for us to come!

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-do-you-want-me-to-do-for-you/feed2What’s in Your Grip?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/whats-in-your-grip
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/whats-in-your-grip#respondThu, 22 Sep 2016 19:59:28 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1279When life is chaotic and out of control, we have a tendency to hold on to areas of our life that are detrimental to our well-being. We hold onto: LABELS Labels become badges of negativity: ugly, fat, dumb, too sensitive,…

Racing thoughts compounded by the “what if’s” increases anxiety and worry. We become so accustom to the chaos and trouble that peace and rest are absent.

Scripture reassures us. “So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.” But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:31-34 NIV

ANGER

Holding on to anger leads to bitterness and unforgiveness. This keeps us in bondage to our circumstances and can lead to vengeance. Since anger is a feeling, learning constructive ways to release it is critical.

SHAME

We compare ourselves to others who seem to have it altogether pointing out our failures and judging ourselves harshly. We long to be all that God created us to be and to experience His grace, but we have become stagnant in our perceptions telling ourselves we are not worthy of anything.

REGRETS

Have you ever played the game of “I should have”, “If only”, or “I could have?” We call these regrets. We keep ourselves in the pit of despair and self-condemnation playing the movie of “What might have been”. We call this fiction. It never existed. Past actions and words can’t be changed. They are history, yet we hold onto them as if our very lives depended on them creating our own fantasy world.

OFFENSES

The wrongs that have been done to us keeps its grip on us as we replay the incidents in our mind seeing the lack of fairness and justice. Those offenses begin to control our lives and become a filtering system for future situations. Revenge may become our mode of reaction and anger rules our feelings.

FEAR

Fear of making the wrong decision

Fear of the future

Fear of failing

Fear of rejection

Fear of the unknown

Fear of learning something new

PAIN and HURTS

We play the victim role drawing others in to get attention. Most of us hold onto pain and hurts because it is so difficult to face realities about ourselves and our circumstances.

When we face these realities, it requires us to make necessary changes. Sometimes these changes are difficult because our lives become a whole lot worse before it gets better. It is much like having surgery to get rid of something that is harmful for your body. There is pain because of the surgery, yet in the future the pain will go away and the result will be the saving of your life.

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

These are relationships that destroy who we are. It keeps us in constant turmoil trying to figure out how to fix the problem so there will be peace. It could be a spouse, dating relationship, a parent, our own child, a sibling, or a friend. There are questions we need to ask ourselves when we cling to toxic relationships.

Ask yourself why you are holding on to them?

Are you getting your identity from them?

If you let them go, would your lifestyle that you are used to change?

What is the need within you that drives you to continue to try to have a relationship with them?

Are there fears of failure?

Everything we hold onto becomes our filtering system for our perceptions of current relationships and situations. We assume and judge people’s actions according to our experiences. It may be difficult to maintain relationships because we put on a mask to hide what is inside. This prevents others from getting to know the true you. Authenticity is difficult.

Are we willing to let go and move forward on the healing journey? In letting go, we leave room in our heart to hold onto Jesus, our healer and hope.

“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.” Psalm 91:14-16

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/whats-in-your-grip/feed0A Time of Testinghttp://www.focusministries1.org/blog/a-time-of-testing-2
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/a-time-of-testing-2#respondTue, 17 May 2016 20:00:33 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1207When someone has sinned against us, we must choose our response carefully. We may hear various voices from church leadership claiming to know what we should do. Forgive and forget are often the words they choose to say followed by…

]]>When someone has sinned against us, we must choose our response carefully. We may hear various voices from church leadership claiming to know what we should do. Forgive and forget are often the words they choose to say followed by a forceful push toward reconciliation.

This approach places a heavy weight of guilt on the victim of abuse if she does not comply. Shunning occurs and support is lost. In Scripture, we are told to guard our heart, yet the victim is put in a position of vulnerability without seeing evidence of change by the perpetrator.

In Scripture, Joseph experienced being sinned against by his own brothers. Sold to the Ishmaelites for twenty shekels of silver by his brothers, Joseph was taken to Egypt. Joseph experienced many transitions in his life from being in Potiphar’s house, to prison, and then to governor of Egypt.

As a famine permeated the land, Joseph was given an opportunity to meet face to face with those that betrayed him. He recognized them, but they did not realize who he was. He did not immediately embrace them with forgiving words nor invite them into his house to start on the road of reconciliation. Instead he tested them to see if there had been a heart change.

In Genesis 37– 45, the story unfolds. He speaks to his brothers through an interpreter although he did understand their words. Private conversations between the brothers revealed the intent in their hearts.

Joseph first accuses them of being spies. The brothers deny the accusation. When questioned about their family, they speak of their youngest brother, Benjamin. Joseph then administers the first of a series of tests.

“You will not leave this place unless your youngest brother comes here. Send one of your number to get your brother, the rest will be kept in prison, so that your words may be tested to see if you are telling the truth.” Genesis 42:15-16 NIV Then Joseph places them in custody for three days.

He then ordered one of the brothers (Simeon) to stay behind in custody while the others returned home to bring the youngest brother back. Joseph observed their reaction and listened to their response as they talked among themselves for he understood their language.

Joseph not only sent the brothers on their way with grain but returned their own silver. When the brothers discovered the silver in their sacks, they were afraid.

Since the famine continued, there arose a need for the brothers to return to Egypt. Their father, Jacob, reluctantly let Benjamin go with them. Reuben offered to sacrifice his own sons if anything happened to Benjamin.

As the brothers returned to Egypt with Benjamin, they not only brought back the silver that had been returned to them plus more. Meeting the steward first, they divulged the truth regarding the silver.

After being reunited with Simeon, the brothers were invited to Joseph’s house for a meal. The brothers were seated according to chronological age and then served the meal. Benjamin’s portion was five times greater than his brothers.

In the morning all the brothers were sent back home with sacks of grain. Joseph’s silver cup was placed in Benjamin’s sack as Joseph had instructed. When the brothers had not gone far, Joseph sent his steward with specific instructions to retrieve the cup.

In answer to Joseph’s accusations of stealing, the brothers stated, “If any of your servants is found to have it, he will die; and the rest of us will become my lord’s slaves.” Genesis 44:9 NIV. The cup was found in Benjamin’s sack. All the brothers returned to Joseph.

Upon seeing Joseph, Judah makes a plea noting the grief this will bring to their father. After dismissing his attendants, Joseph reveals who he is and reconciliation begins. Joseph’s actions were not in retaliation to his brothers’ actions long ago.

Joseph tested their:

Honesty

The brothers told the truth about their whole family.

The brothers told the truth about the silver being returned to the steward

He was testing them for:

Jealousy

When Benjamin was given a larger portion at the meal

When Benjamin was given three hundred shekels of silver and five set of clothes

He was testing them to see if they were willing to:

Sacrifice

Reuben was willing to sacrifice his sons if something happened to Benjamin.

All brothers were willing to return to Egypt as servants when the cup was only found in Benjamin’s sack.

Throughout the testing, Joseph had compassion on his brothers as he provided for their needs as well as their families. Often times Joseph would remove himself to weep. Reconciliation was only initiated after a period of testing.

There is much to learn from Joseph’s story. There must have been many emotions, discouragement, anger, and fear of the unknown as he was cast into another culture in a foreign land with no family in the midst of strangers. He could have been a very bitter man, but we see no evidence of this in Scripture.

Joseph wisely assessed his brothers. He desired relationship, but one in which there would be honesty and no mistreatment. The testing revealed that selfishness had been replaced with empathy for others.

During the years of separation from family, healing from the pain of betrayal had occurred. The timing was right for Joseph to move into forgiveness. He saw God’s purpose in what had happened to him.

The events were all part of a larger picture for he states, “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5 NIV

Key points to remember:

Don’t let your desire for relationship blind you to evidence of a heart change in the offender.

Test the evidence for a long period of time to see consistency.

Don’t let the offender or others pressure you into reconciliation.

Ask for God’s discernment to determine if repentance is real or manipulation.

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/a-time-of-testing-2/feed0“Pit Living”http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/pit-living
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/pit-living#respondTue, 19 Apr 2016 14:47:01 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1203There are days when we seem to be caught in the fog of life. Dreariness shadows our every move. Directional signals telling us which way to turn in our present situations allude us. So we wander aimlessly and fall head…

]]>There are days when we seem to be caught in the fog of life. Dreariness shadows our every move. Directional signals telling us which way to turn in our present situations allude us. So we wander aimlessly and fall head first into the darkness of the pit, the pit of despair.

Walls seem to close in on us. We grope around trying to get our bearings. The surface of the walls feels rough and jagged. One false move and we scrape ourselves. Fear and anxiety begin to engulf us. A beam of light shining from above is the only thing visible. The only way out is to make it to the top. But how?

Have you ever been one of those “pit people”. Maybe you have fallen into that pit so many times that now it has become the norm, a familiar place to dwell. We begin decorating the walls with pictures throwing a bit of color here and there. We decide to move in furniture just to make it cozy. We rename our circumstances as “pit living”.

We become accustom to the shame we feel as we allow others to define who we are. “Pit person” becomes our label, the label that keeps us trapped in a situation that is detrimental to our well-being?

Joseph in Scripture did not fall into the pit but was actually tossed in by family members. “So when Joseph came to his brothers, they stripped him of his robe—the richly ornamented robe he was wearing—and they took him and threw him into the cistern. Now the cistern was empty; there was no water in it.” Genesis 37:23-24

According to Scripture, the brothers then sat down and ate. Joseph was probably crying out for help while standing in a cold, damp cistern alone. He had no robe to protect him from the elements.

Thoughts must have mounted up in him. A sense of betrayal must have been high on his list as he recalls their mocking words. “Here comes the dreamer!” (Genesis 37:39)

How was he going to get out without help? Would a ferocious animal jump into the pit and attack him? Would he eventually die for lack of water and food? How dare his brothers plot to kill him? Despair and anger must have filled his mind.

There must have been a sense of relief when he was eventually lifted out. The relief did not last long when he was sold to foreigners and taken to a land where he did not know the language.

In Egypt Joseph made the best of his circumstances, remained faithful to God, and rose to a position in Potiphar’s house. In spite of his integrity, false accusations arose from Potiphar’s wife and once again Joseph was ordered into a pit of sorts for a longer period of time. This time others tried to place shame on him by blaming him for false charges.

While in prison, he served faithfully those that were there. He did not allow his circumstances to bring him to despair. There must have been moments of doubt as Joseph thought about the betrayals and false accusations. There must have been grief over the loss of home and family. Although it was out of Joseph’s control to physically get out of the pit, he mentally chose not to accept “pit living”. He chose to move into “victorious living” praising God in the midst of trouble. God provided a way out and raised Joseph to a high position in the kingdom.

Each one of us has the same choice. Is it going to be “pit living” full of shame and despair or “victorious living” praising our faithful God who never forsakes us?

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/pit-living/feed0How Big is God?… How Big is The Mountain?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/big-god-big-mountain
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/big-god-big-mountain#commentsMon, 28 Mar 2016 16:43:33 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1176We live in an era of uncertainty for the future. A sense of security seems lost and life’s problems loom like dark clouds overhead. Media pictures doom and gloom causing us to sink into despair and fear. Are these times…

]]>We live in an era of uncertainty for the future. A sense of security seems lost and life’s problems loom like dark clouds overhead. Media pictures doom and gloom causing us to sink into despair and fear. Are these times any different than the ones found in Scripture?

The Israelites facing the Philistines (giants)

Moses facing Pharaoh in Egypt

Israelites’ fear after scouting out the Promise Land

Captivity of the Israelites in Babylon

The circumstances in each story appeared to be impossible to resolve. The future seemed to be uncertain and unknown. Yet the God of the impossible was there all along showing His glory and faithfulness. He wasn’t vacationing on some tropical island.

David empowered by God slew Goliath with just a sling and a stone. God provided a way for the Israelites to escape Egypt by parting the Red Sea. Years later God made a way to enter the Promise Land by parting the Jordan River for the Israelites.

To the human eye and understanding, these circumstances faced by individuals in Scripture seemed insurmountable, yet to God nothing was beyond His power. The impossible was made possible.

When the disciples questioned Jesus as to why they could not drive a demon out of a boy, He replied.

“Because you have so little faith, I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20-21 NIV

Sometimes the fear of the circumstance is larger than the situation. Fear alters our view of God. In our mind, we put limits on what God can do and our unbelief takes over and faith diminishes. The walls of our mind form a box for God to dwell.

Our focus turns to worry and anxiety. Fear enters our thought processes keeping us in bondage to our circumstances. Our circumstances along with fear are then placed on the throne that God should occupy and an idol is created. In our mind, our circumstances/fear tower over the one true God, the Source of power to resolve the problems.

In Scripture, we read, “But seek first His kingdom (God) and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:33-34 NIV

Chip Ingram states in his series on stress, “If you have a big God, you have a small problem. If you have a big problem, you have a small God.” God, the Creator of the Universe, can move the problem mountains.

We are not on life’s journey alone. When the resurrection and ascension of Jesus Christ occurred, the Holy Spirit was sent to empower each believer to courageously stand against evil, lift up and minister to the oppressed, set captives free, and speak truth boldly filled with grace.

Instead we rely on our own power and strength to deal with life’s uncertainty. We try harder by giving our best and relying on our own abilities. We say we trust God, but our actions reveal what is really in our heart.

In Experiencing the Spirit, Henry and Melvin Blackaby state, “You can put your trust in your ability, or you can put your faith in God. The choice is yours. When you rely on your own talents, you’ll experience your best. But when you put your faith in God and allow His Spirit to work in you, you’ll experience God’s best.”

God’s best far outshines ours. As God molds us and shapes us into vessels of His, we will experience the cutting away of ungodliness that will hurt but not harm us. The molding and shaping creates a pure heart.

In Matthew 6:8 (NIV), we read “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” Do you see God’s best for you in this passage of Scripture? God’s desire is for each one of us to know Him to the fullest. Does this match your desire?

We will not experience God’s best for us until our desire matches His. This requires us to become totally dependent on God leaning on His understanding not ours and trusting Him to work in us and through us. Are you surrendering your will and control for His? Are you allowing your faith as small as a mustard seed to take root and grow?

As the darkness of your circumstances forms a fog around you and life is unclear, look to the Shepherd who loves and cares about you. Rest and graze in the green pastures as one of His sheep. Jesus, our Shepherd, stands guarding the gate to your pasture. He won’t let the wolves in to devour you.

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/big-god-big-mountain/feed1Lord, Are You Still There?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/lord-are-you-still-there
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/lord-are-you-still-there#commentsFri, 11 Mar 2016 21:18:19 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1172With her dreams in her hand and hope for the future, Pat walked down the long aisle of her church to marry a Christian man who was well liked. As she gazed into his eyes, a moment of doubt flashed…

]]>With her dreams in her hand and hope for the future, Pat walked down the long aisle of her church to marry a Christian man who was well liked. As she gazed into his eyes, a moment of doubt flashed before her. Dismissing it as wedding jitters, she spoke her vows with a smile on her face. After all she was older and much wiser now.

She headed for her new life leaving an excellent job, friends, family, and church to move to another state foreign to her. As they drove up the long driveway, she noted the remoteness of the area. The promise of a house on the lake slowly slipped away.

As she moved her things into his house, she realized how damp, cold and dreary it was. She determined to make it a cheery place. She soon learned there were limitations placed on her by her new spouse. The words, “there’s no money” rang in her ears. When she offered to get a job, she was told that a submissive wife does not work outside the home.

She put her creative ability together and used items she had brought with to decorate her new home. This was difficult to do for she was not allowed to turn on lights whether it was day or night. The gloominess of the home began to match the dreariness of the outside. It seemed there were endless days of no sunlight.

Noticing her demeanor had changed and her depression had increased, she sought to find others to build a relationship. There was no one around for miles. No place to walk to. No car to drive. Her husband would take her to a grocery store or to church once in a while. She was instructed not to interact with anyone unless he was present.

Phone calls were restricted and mail was limited. Isolation became intense and loneliness set in. If she mustered enough courage to state how she felt, he would rage and attack her. Fear became a constant companion.

More and more she realized she had made a huge mistake by marrying. She began to feel that God was punishing her by letting her suffer the consequences of her decision for the rest of her life. She felt God had withdrawn His love for her and inside her spirit was dying.

Realizing her husband had become the enemy of her soul, she felt trapped and caged like an animal. Although the windows had no bars, Pat felt like a prisoner in her own home. She needed help.

By candlelight, she began to read Scripture almost fearing that God would point His finger at her like a scolding father. Yet something was drawing her to the Bible that she held in her hands. The same hands that had once held her dreams.

The passage in Isaiah 61 caught her eye. “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, (“That’s me,” she thought.) to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,” (“I have been in darkness. Are you really going to release me. Lord, what do I do?” Pat stated out loud.) “to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.” (“Could I possibly be redeemed and restored?”)

As the candlelight flickered, Pat pondered the passage of Scripture. She did not see a way out of the captivity, but she chose to pray for release and direction. She did not know that it would come in just a couple of weeks when she received permission to visit her son in another area of the world.

During her flight, she began to feel the heaviness of the darkness lifting. Doubts, though, began to permeate her mind. Had she done the right thing by leaving? Did God actually still love her?

As she journeyed to see her son, she made one stop along the way. There she met a godly woman who could understand her experiences. Slowly Pat began to reveal her story. The woman listened intensely without judgment. As the story unfolded, Pat began to express her doubts regarding God’s love for her.

The godly woman began to share Romans 8 in which God declares there is nothing that can separate us from His love. With eyes closed, a mental picture of climbing up in God’s lap came into view as He gently, drew her close to His chest, and whispered, “I love you!” Tears began to flow from her eyes as God’s presence enveloped her. Pat whispered, “He does love me.” Moments turned into minutes as she basked in God’s love finding refuge in the safety of His arms. God was in the process of restoring her by releasing her from the prison of domestic violence by providing a safe place where she could become the woman God intended her to be.

Pat rejoiced at her new found freedom and hope when she turned her focus on the Lord instead of her circumstances. “I am truly safe,” she thought.

“:He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. . . Surely He will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence. He will cover you with His feathers, and under His wings you will find refuge. . .” Psalm 91:1. 3-4 NIV

“Keep me safe, O God, for in you I take refuge.” Psalm 16:1 NIV

Women and families experiencing domestic violence are looking for a safe place.

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/lord-are-you-still-there/feed4What Color is Your Elephant?http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-color-is-your-elephant
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-color-is-your-elephant#commentsThu, 21 Jan 2016 19:35:59 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/?p=1144Wherever I go, I see evidence of God’s most beautiful and unique design in creation in the women I meet. With just words, each woman was designed by God. Actually if you think about it, God was and still is…

Wherever I go, I see evidence of God’s most beautiful and unique design in creation in the women I meet. With just words, each woman was designed by God. Actually if you think about it, God was and still is the first HGTV program (House and Garden TV). HGTV is one of my favorite TV programs. It is amazing to me with just a dash of color and certain arrangements something is created from basically nothing.

I admire people who have the gift of seeing the potential in a room or house. I can view the beautiful results but cannot create it myself. The decorators remove the blemishes, cover up flaws, and add flair from their own design.
Each one of us can do the same in our personal lives. We have learned techniques to deny or ignore the existence of an issue that keeps us from growing in our lives and in our personal relationship with God. I call these “elephants”.

Did you know that the elephant is the largest land animal on earth? At birth, it can weigh 260 pounds. An adult can weigh up to 26,000 pounds. No wonder we are so weighted down when these elephants exist in our lives. As you can see, elephants would be hard to get rid of but not impossible.

You have heard the old adage that there is an elephant in the room, but no one addresses it. We think if we ignore it, it will just go away. We try to keep it hidden. We decorate the elephant to match our personal décor so it will go unnoticed by us and others. What color is your elephant? Have you added accessories? Have you tried covering it with patterns of behavior that mask its appearance?

The elephant does not fit into our definition of a “perfect” Christian. It is a blemish that brings shame especially if you are in ministry. Most elephants have to do with relational issues. So what do we do? We cover it up by the mask we wear on our face and claim everything is fine when asked, but down deep inside the elephant is growing and destroying us piece by piece. Fear of it being exposed keeps us enslaved to this secret. No one has escaped an “elephant”.

For more than 28 years, Pam dealt with an “elephant” that crippled her relationship with the Lord and devalued her as an image bearer of God. She did not realize that this elephant was becoming an idol in her life. It pushed away things that would enrich her soul and develop the potential God had placed within her. The elephant became her focal point no matter how hard Pam tried to deny its existence. It was a relational issue that quenched her spirit.

She was young, naïve, and uninformed. She believed in the myth that if you marry a Christian man, you would always have a Christian home filled with joy in the service of the Lord. The elephant in its infant stages was present, but the charm of the young man overshadowed its presence. There were little indicators, the authoritative tone that led her to question her parents’ wisdom and guidance, the aggressive behavior Pam interpreted as confidence. It was so subtle. What little she saw she determined to fix it by her love.

The baby elephant began to grow within the first week of marriage. An outburst of rage from her husband began a pattern of questioning her perceptions and over analyzing the situation.

Her husband was well liked at work and church. He would often make sacrifices to others but not his family. Behind closed doors at home, he claimed his headship and demanded submission. Verbal criticism chiseled away her self-concept. His denial of his actions or gifts he would bring left her confused about how she perceived an incident. Scripture taken out of context or misinterpreted kept her in her place. Walking on eggshells whenever he was present became a norm in her life.

One day as she looked into the mirror she noticed how much her physical appearance was being affected. Her eyes were sad. Her posture slumped and eye contact with others had become difficult. Putting on makeup was left for another day. She felt no confidence in her abilities. Depression and despair were her constant companions. It was through counseling by a godly woman that Pam was guided into labeling her elephant. The label was domestic violence.

She learned a new term, Boundaries. She had the responsibility to guard her heart by only allowing in what would build her up and develop her relationship with God instead of what would destroy. Pam’s lack of boundaries only enabled the abuse to continue.

She realized that she had tried to fix everything under her own power, her abilities, and her actions. Pam did not allow the power of the Holy Spirit within her to work. She did not understand that she needed to give up control of the life she was losing. By letting God be Sovereign in everything, she would actually gain life.

No matter what your elephant is God is there to guide and direct you. Can you release it to God and trust that God is only going to do what is best for you? Who else can you trust and know that their promise is true?

There are specific key steps in addressing an elephant.

Come out of denial. The elephant will grow and weigh you down more.

Identify, define, and label your elephant and then educate yourself about your elephant.

Don’t ignore it. Remember the weight of the elephant at birth and the weight as an adult.

begin to ask yourself the following questions.

How have I disguised my elephant?

Has it been covered with a pattern of behavior?

Has the elephant become an idol in my life?” Is it my focal point rather than God?

Why do I ignore it?

The answer to the last question can contain many reasons that reflect past and present experiences in our life. Let’s examine some possible reasons.

Shame
Shame takes a strong grip on us as we look at other women who seem to have it all together. We compare ourselves to them pointing out our failures and judging ourselves harshly. We long to be all that God created us to be and to experience His grace, but we have become stagnant in our perceptions telling ourselves we are not worthy of anything. Shame becomes part of what we experience in difficult relationships.

Shame that we can’t fix it

Shame that people will view us as being the cause of the problem

Shame that we don’t measure up to the standards of the Christian community

Fear

Fear that we don’t meet people’s expectations of us

Fear of not meeting God’s expectation

Fear of a sin being revealed

Fear of repercussions from the abusive person

Fear that we won’t be heard and understood

Fear of being blamed for the problem.

Rejection
If people know what your elephant is, they may reject you, abandon you or withdraw their love. That is a possibility, but God will not reject you, abandon you, or not love you.

Guilt
Maybe there is guilt for something you did to enable this elephant to grow, guilt that you didn’t do something sooner about the issue or you didn’t handle it in an appropriate way. Should of, could of, would of, and the If only’s don’t exist so don’t dwell on them.

Condemnation
There is a possibility that others will condemn you and persecute you when your elephant is revealed. but rest in God’s Word.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2 NIV

Sometimes we ignore the elephant because of the labels we wear. I am not good enough. I’ll never measure up. I am unlovable.

Think about where these messages came from. What hurts have created these wounds that placed these labels on you?

The next step is

Take off the mask. Reach out to someone you trust and tell the secret.

Find resources to help you deal with your elephant.

Most important—seek God first. Let him be your focus, your strength, and power to deal with the elephant.

There is HOPE in removing your elephant even though it may seem too overwhelming and difficult. Turn your focus to the Lord for He is your hope and strength.

Hope is:

Holding onto JesusOpening your heart and seeking God’s guidance and wisdomPreparing to take a stand against evil and sinExperiencing God’s faithfulness and unconditional love

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/what-color-is-your-elephant/feed3Take Heart, Daughter!http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/take-heart-daughter
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/take-heart-daughter#commentsTue, 13 Jan 2015 19:30:29 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/?p=30520 Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21 She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”…

]]>20 Just then a woman who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak. 21 She said to herself, “If I only touch his cloak, I will be healed.”
22 Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter,” he said, “your faith has healed you.” And the woman was healed at that moment. Matthew 9:20-22

This woman was clothed in shame from the illness she suffered for twelve years. Year after year she had been considered unclean. This affected any kind of relationship she would have. This had to have caused immense isolation and loneliness.

One of the things she possessed was great faith that she could be healed if she would touch Christ’s cloak. She took a great risk to reach out for help in spite of the shame she felt. She probably wanted to just touch and then fade into the crowd.

Christ knew what had happened even though he was surrounded by a crowd of people. He could have just let the woman retreat into the crowd, but he chose to heal her physically and emotionally as he removed the shame.

He turned and faced her, acknowledged her, valued her, validated her, and commended her for her faith.
From her downcast position, Jesus elevated her to the position of daughter. He did not just call her woman but endearingly called her daughter. Just let that thought penetrate your mind. Daughter! In the midst of her shame, Christ called her “daughter.” At the time of healing, Jesus removed her shame!

Many of us walk around with the weight of shame. Some has been inflicted on us by others and some we have dumped on ourselves.
Shame of . . .
• A broken marriage
• Divorce
• Failure
• Being sexually abused
• Addictions
• Not measuring up to others expectations
• A lack of higher education
• Not being pretty enough
• Low paying job
• Not having the “right” clothes, house, car etc.
• An abusive family of origin
• An alcoholic family
• Our children’s addictions/behaviors
• Being in an abusive relationship
• A disability
• Being poor
• Not having a higher economic status

The list could go on and on. You can fill in your own blank.

Oh, downcast one, place your focus on Jesus and reach out to Him. He will heal your wounded heart and remove your shame for He calls you, Daughter!

]]>http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/take-heart-daughter/feed1Responding Wisely to a FOOLhttp://www.focusministries1.org/blog/responding-wisely-to-a-fool
http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/responding-wisely-to-a-fool#commentsWed, 30 Jul 2014 18:55:29 +0000http://www.focusministries1.org/blog/?p=300After identifying our Fool, we may ask ourselves “Now What!” We can once again turn back to the wisdom of scripture to learn how to respond while heading its warning. Proverbs 24:25: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man,…

]]>After identifying our Fool, we may ask ourselves “Now What!” We can once again turn back to the wisdom of scripture to learn how to respond while heading its warning.
Proverbs 24:25: “Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.”Wisdom: Over time we can become like the angry person when we continue to be in relationship with them. The longer we stay connected the more entangled we become in their behavior.
Proverbs 13:20: “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.”Wisdom: Physical injury and/or mental damage will occur to the companion of a FOOL. Stay away from the FOOL. We will grow in wisdom if we choose to be a companion with the wise.
Proverbs 19:19 “A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.”Wisdom: Don’t keep the FOOL from suffering the consequences of their behavior. If you rescue them, you are enabling their behavior to continue and you will have to rescue them over and over again.
Proverbs 17:12: “Better to meet a bear robbed of her cubs than a fool in his folly.”Wisdom: Keep your distance from a FOOL otherwise you will experience fierce, frightening actions that are worse than a mama bear fighting for her cubs.
Your FOOL could be your husband/wife, mother, father, sibling, your son/daughter, friend, employee, or your boss. For various reasons you may feel these individuals must remain in your life at some level.
You can begin to see the effect they are having on your life. You know you cannot change them (although you would like to fix them), but you can change how you interact with them.
The first step you can take is to DETACH. You may not be able to physically remove yourself from the FOOL’s presence, but it is important to emotionally detach. Words will still come at you from their angry lips but tell yourself “I’m dealing with a FOOL This is their foolish behavior. Their words are lies.”
Emotionally detaching is not an easy thing to do and will take practice and time for it to happen. When angry darts fly at you, try to remove yourself from the FOOL’s presence. Do something that you consider as self care. One woman went into the bathroom and turned on her radio to listen to music so she could not hear the words.
If the FOOL is at your place of employment, you may have to busy yourself with your job responsibilities. In some cases, you may have to get a new job.
Try not to lash back with angry words. You will only be adding fuel to the fire. Your words will be used against you presently as well as in the future.
Since the FOOL repeats his folly, you can in calm moments develop responses that could be options to relating to the difficult person the next time an incident happens. This will help you not to become so entangled in their behavior.
In summary:

Identify the FOOL in your life

Seek God’s wisdom in dealing with and responding to your FOOL

Detach or physically distance yourself from the FOOL

Pray for your FOOL that they will allow God to work in their heart and renew their mind so their behavior changes.