When your partner has a love child

Finding out your spouse has had an affair can be very difficult to deal with. These are a few tips that will help you overcome the eventuality of a love child, writes JOY MARCUS

It’s natural to be angry

According to Andrew G. Marshall, learning about your spouse’s love child can be a tough blow to deal with. Anyone in your situation will be angry and resentful towards his or her spouse. But, don’t be nasty and never be angry at the child. You can talk to someone who has had such an experience or you can seek for a personal counsellor to help you recover from the shock.

Forgive

Resenting your spouse’s child may create a wide rift in your marriage which could eventually lead to a breakup. Learn to accept the situation, don’t divide your home by putting your own child first. It may not be easy, but accepting your spouse’s child may strengthen the bond in your marriage. Find a way to open up your heart to the child because the baby had nothing to do with the actions of your spouse.

Talk about it

Although it could be very difficult to talk to your spouse at this period, because of how they have hurt you, talking to him or her will reassure you of their love and commitment to your marriage, it will also reduce some of your heart aches. Avoid any arguments about the baby, or the other people involved. Rather, talk about ways to make your family whole again.

Don’t mind what people will say

For your marriage to work, you need to overcome the effects of other people’s comments. Every marriage is unique and different, and it has its ups and down.

Learn to manage your martial issues without the whole neighbourhood getting a hint of it. However, if the situation becomes too overwhelming for you, try talking to an experienced person, or a mentor.

No more lies

Don’t be too hard on your spouse so that he or she will be comfortable to open up to you. Make your spouse realise that the survival of your marriage depends on their truthfulness and honesty. Talk about the child and other important issues that may arise, express your feelings without holding anything back.

No more cheating

Your spouse needs to understand that they cannot continuing cheating. They cannot be with their concubines in an intimate way anymore, because you are married. If they still want the marriage, then, they have to stop the affair no matter what has happened. A child does not make the affair right.

Find an intermediary

It is important to keep the communication between the child’s parents, because the child is innocent and still needs both parents. Inasmuch as you don’t want to be involved in the child’s life, you have to consider the feelings of your spouse. Don’t make the situation more difficult for them. Give him or her the chance to be a part of their child’s life. You can both arrange something that will benefit the both of you.

Be calm, don’t rush

It is a gradual process, so don’t expect rapid changes? Don’t think too much about the future. Rather, focus on getting through the next few months so that you and your spouse won’t make the situation worse.

Be realistic

It is easy to think that if your spouse stops contacting his or her lover, everything will be fine. If your spouse has apologised for his or her mistakes then, you should stop entertaining those kinds of thoughts. If they contact their ex-lover, it may just be about the welfare of their child.

Consider your spouse

Don’t put your spouse in a difficult position. Come to terms with the situation and move on. Don’t make unrealistic demands that may affect the relationship of your spouse and the child. Allow them keep in touch with their other partner, for the sake of the child. Since your spouse has asked for your forgiveness, you have to trust him or her to keep to his or her promise of being faithful to you.

Be their support

It may be difficult at first, but remember the love you once shared and the promises you made to each other, to be together through difficult situations. Consider the welfare of the child. Encourage your spouse to support the child financially to ensure that he or she doesn’t lack any basic thing which might be essential in its upbringing. Copyright PUNCH.All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.