Wild Nature,
outside commercial civilization,
runs on gift economy
("freely give, freely receive").
Thus it is balanced. Commercial civilization runs on thought of credit and debt ("knowledge of good & evil").
Thus it is imbalanced.
What nation can balance
its own budget or environment?
Gift Economy is Faith, Grace, Love
- the core message of every religion.
The proof is inside you:
Wild Nature is your True Nature,
crucified by commercial civilization.

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Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Transitioning to a New Life

Yes, I'm still alive. Yes, it's been over 4 months since I blogged.I've been clueless what to say.

My life has gone through huge upheaval.

Four months ago, my mom contacted me. She said she and my dad were becoming unable to fully care for themselves, and they didn't want to go into assisted living. Neither did I want them to go into assisted living. How can living without money include ditching our parents and grandparents to a system of paid assisted living? How can it include trashing what has been basic family responsibility for thousands of years? My parents didn't question taking care of their grandparents and parents. And my parents took care of me. Now it's my turn. So I instantly dropped my whole life in Moab and my life on the road.So here I be, in Fruita, Colorado.

Honestly, this has been one of the hardest things I've ever done, letting go of attachment to freedom from attachments, leaving friends behind, ditching plans & expectations I had for the coming year and beyond. Forget plans for moneyless community, projects, activism, travel, spiritual retreats in the wilderness, freedom. I've had to make lots of room for compromise. But I realized this is what my path is all about, giving up all possessions, attachments, expectations, including my attachments to ideals. Find contentment and consistency in spirit in the hardest obstacle course of all, the biological family! When all possessions are given up, can there be greater triumph and freedom? I'm finally coming to the point of fully embracing the hand life is dealing me. As I get past the intense burden of old family repeating patterns, I'm realizing the richness of connecting with my parents at a deeper level, of love, as they face their final days.This has been my big test. Wandering without money in the middle of nowhere is child's play compared to this.
It's testing my ego. There is no glory in doing this. Notoriety I've experienced the past years has been going flat. Media has no interest in this (which, in a lot of ways, is a relief). There's not much for me to blog about, so I've thought. Hence, my silence of 4 months.

Am I still living without money?

On the brighter side, I love my parents dearly and we have a good relationship. But it's still incredibly difficult for anybody being with mom & dad again after decades of independence. And I have difficulty with old religious patterns.

But their relationship with each other, and their love and thoughtfulness toward me and my friends is incredibly beautiful.

But, yes, I am having to make compromises in my moneyless lifestyle.

I still am not taking or using money for myself, and I still have no identification documents. I still scavenge food as much as I can. But I share meals with my parents, much bought with their limited Social Security income, and I use utilities in the house, albeit as sparingly as possible. I have set up a camp at the river with a friend, but I still must stay at my parents' house a lot of the time. And I might have to get a drivers license since my dad is losing his ability to drive and my mom can no longer drive. And, lo and behold, my parents are handing over their financial bookkeeping to me. Yes, to a man who hasn't balanced a checkbook in 15 years, much less used money! I also do yard work on a ridiculous lawn and other classically suburban silliness I don't fully jive with. But I have planted a garden in the back, growing potatoes, corn, lentils, squash, peppers, tomatoes, cantaloupes, watermelons, lettuce. Besides my letting the wild, edible purslane and goosefoot grow voluntarily, my garden isn't exactly permaculture, but it sure beats cultivating a useless patch of lawn in a desert landscape! My brother, Ron, is also here, at least temporarily, so it seems. He has a disability, but does what he can to help out. I am also gaining deeper levels of relationship with him.

My nephew, Justin, and his wife, Mandy, live a few blocks away from here. Justin made the video of my parents a couple months ago. If you've read The Man Who Quit Money, you might recognize much of this story in it, straight from the horse's mouth!

New Treasure Trove of Friends in Fruita

When I had thought there wasn't anything in Fruita for me, I discovered treasured friends and community in Fruita, hiding in the woodwork. As time goes, I'd like to talk more about them.

Yes, I have one of my best friends, Cullen, here in Fruita. We discovered each other a couple years ago, actually.

Here is a teaser of what Cullen has been working on for over a year. A modern Leonardo Da Vinci, Cullen is a genius, artistic at everything he touches. And this is a work of love, not commerce, the impetus of his life. Thus, I prefer him to any commercial producer & am infinitely grateful. He's submitted it to the Telluride Film Festival, so it probably won't be available to the general public for some time:

New Wilderness Enclave and a New Friend in Town

I've tried staying indoors here, but it has felt quite oppressive, with major insomnia, so a few weeks ago I went exploring and was elated to find beautiful camping near by. My first night camping out I slept deeply for the first time in months. I awoke feeling intensely grateful. I said to myself, "I think I'm ready to host visitors again, and maybe even form a little moneyless enclave here!" I kid you not, like a sign dropped from the sky, the very next day I got a call at my parents from a guy I'd never talked to before named Geryn, aka "G", asking if he could stay with me! He had just arrived in Fruita on his bicycle.

G seems just as gung ho about this budding little enclave by the river as I do. Okay, I must mention that it's refreshing that G is exotic. He's a a dread-locked black dude, 30ish, whose childhood and family roots was in Trinidad.

Flesh & Blood Distress

This has been another reason I haven't been motivated to continue publicizing my life to the world.

But now I've decided it's important to publish a bit of ugliness in my life under the "April 5th" heading below.So the nation has made a historical jump in accepting gay people, and most of my friends are okay with my being gay, not even thinking twice about it. Such is not the case with some family members (in another state) & their church cronies. It's been sometimes hard resisting falling back into the hopeless distress & feeling of isolation I felt decades ago. Although I feel completely confident in accepting who I am, it's just not easy when some of your own flesh and blood can have their flesh and blood hearts hardened harder than concrete by the letter of religion.

The greatest enemy of Christianity is not Muslims, not Atheists, not hedonists and political tyrants, but self-proclaimed fundamentalist Christians. It is only when I am dealing with them that I start feeling that faith is worthless and destructive, that there is no greater reason to be an atheist. This is when I must go away from people and simply hang out in the wilderness, where all is divine, all is its own evidence, where no words, no arguments, no self-proclamations are needed.See the April 5th heading below.

If you care to read further:

Chronological Facebook posts

Okay, I've decided to just cut & paste facebook posts of the last few months to give a chrony summary.

March 17 Moab, UT We're bred to be perpetual babies

I can't help but observe: Domestic animals are bred to never grow up, to fulfill the desires of the human ego. Experiments show that domesticating wild animals brings on traits of babies (floppy ears, spotted coats, curled tails, perpetually submissive behavior). Humans in civilization as we know it are also bred to never grow up, not trusted to be adults and take care of themselves. Wild creatures have the right to grow to adulthood. They need no permission to act, trusted to govern themselves, despite having brains much smaller than ours. But domestic humans and animals are denied the right to grow up. Does this correlate with epidemic mental illness in both domestic animals and humans?

March 21 · Moab, UT Evicted from my camp

I've been evicted again! I just got word yesterday somebody turned me into the authorities, so I cleaned out my camp & missed the 1st Annual Tipipalooza last night (I heard it exceedingly exceeded awesomeness expectations).The past weeks it has felt everything has gone eerily wrong, one thing after another! Last night I was dwelling on this, how utterly unjust our system is, but then had an instantaneous switch-a-roo. "I am liberated!" I hollered ecstatically as I cleaned out the camp and got rid of months of accumulated stuff from myself and many visitors.Needless to say, I love visitors, but you can't stay with me - you gotta figure out your own accommodations. And don't bring me anything, please. And pack out everything you come with. One day, perhaps a moneyless tribe will be possible. Right now all is up in the air.

March 24 · Moab, UT Edible Elm Seeds!

Treasures are right under (or above) our noses, local, strong & wild or feral. Elm trees are seeding now, even before leafing! Last year Cody James let me know they are edible! Though still green, they're even now edible & delicious, even with the tender husks! Last year, I winnowed & ground dry ripe ones & made amazingly delicious pancakes & waffles, tasting like buckwheat. My parents even loved them. Elm seeds are crazy abundant, easier to harvest & winnow than wheat, and I've a hunch they're a complete or near-complete protein. And you don't have to wait for autumn to harvest them, no tilling, no coaxing them to grow! A permaculture wonder! I've an inkling the whole Moab population could be fed with them. Perhaps they could become a staple crop around the world!

March 28 From Moab to Fruita

Friends bringing me back to Fruita, Colo. to be with my parents. Perhaps a big change in my life. Life's about giving up all expectations & attachments & completely embracing what comes. My 87-year-old parents and I don't want them in a nursing home, and I cringe at the thought of somebody paid to do what has been basic family responsibility for thousands of years. What this means for a guy who quit money & all forms of ID remains to be seen.

"One of my highest ideals is to live without money, but it is only trumped by the highest ideal of all: to act with love in every single situation, and the complexities of it." -- Mark Boyle

April 5 Fruita, CO On Being Gay

I usually only post gift economy stuff, not usually so vocal about being gay. But lately I'm realizing if I don't stand tall in the light with my full person, who will for me? These gay posts don't get many hits, because the majority naturally isn't so interested in minority issues. But I still gotta stand even when I feel like crying.Someone in my family (XXX) keeps posting things such as the following from a recent thread. Though it doesn't shake my peace in who I am, it hurts like a knife because this person is family, and this person's opinion is rampant in the US. I've decided it's beneficial to post this person's comments anonymously as XXX. I've left out others' interjections:

XXX states:

"I've got a genetic predisposition for being a hothead. In fact, there have been some people I would have liked to put out of their misery. Nevertheless, I refused to act on my impulses. My genetic predisposition is not my preference. Refraining from murdering someone is my preference. Others have preferred to murder. They are sitting behind bars right now. Science has found no homosexual gene. Therefore, they cannot rely on genetic predisposition for their condition. Nevertheless, I'll give homosexuals the benefit of the doubt and allow that they are intrinsically homosexual and that it is not their preference. However, acting on the impulse is certainly a preference. When we give in to our impulses, we are doing what we prefer to do. It's time for all of us to take responsibility for our actions."

"Does the homosexual prefer heterosexuality rather than what he is predisposed to? Or is it really that he prefers society to accept the homosexuality he is very happy to be predisposed to have, so he can act on his impulses without the repercussions? In other words he doesn't prefer heterosexuality, but no repercussions for what he loves."

"Suddenly their "personal" choices have gotten into the public square and legal system and are imposed on whoever doesn't agree with them. THEIR "personal" choices have now become a personal matter to us!""It harms the gay person themselves when they act out on it. Are they not important too? Why hide the facts from them and let them go on in self-destructive delusion? They harm us by imposing destructive laws on us. They harm the children they raise. The studies are coming in on that fact."

"They perpetuate harmful diseases"

"They also die younger."

"Immorality of any flavor perpetuates destructive consequences."

"Biblical laws against immorality were given as a protective fence to keep us safe, not make us miserable!"

MY INTERJECTION UPON DISCOVERING THIS THREAD:

SUELO:"I am gay... I do have an agenda, to be accepted for who I am, not to impose my ways on anybody else, even though heterosexuals have vehemently tried to impose their ways on us gay people all my life, make us all like them, which is impossible. And I find it disgusting to have who I am lumped in with murderers.

"And, xxx, if you chose to be celibate and by yourself without intimacy most your life, then you might have a little more understanding and credibility to set yourself up as judge to prescribe celibacy and lack of intimacy on somebody else. My lifestyle imposes absolutely nothing on you or anybody, harms nobody and is absolutely none of yours or anybody else's business. Not that it's any of your damned business, but I likely have had less sex and less intimacy than any person posting here who sets yourself up as judge to prescribe how I should live. Though totally not your business, I say this to make a point."

"...most every gay person I know of my generation did not want to be gay, and, if given the choice, we would have been straight. We were in a society that constantly told us that being gay was worse than murder.

"But after years of self-loathing and spiritual seeking, I realized we can't be pleasers of people, and we cannot covet what does not belong to us, and we must fully accept what God, yes God, has given us, even if, yes, our own families demonize it. I realized that nothing trumps love, and "love does no harm to her neighbor, therefore love is the fulfilling of the law." I rest on that, not on xxx's opinion. And nothing else can give me such overwhelming peace."

XXX:"Who says it's not anybody's business? Prove it does not harm anyone."

"The science is against you."

"Your lifestyle has affected thousands, Daniel, because you have spent your life devising a made up religion to justify it!"

SUELO:"I have nothing to prove. I am who I am, and can be nothing else."

XXX:"Well, then, if you can make declarations with nothing to support them, so can anyone. You are not god over us."

"If you can do as you please with no repercussions, so can the rest of us."

"Life is a free-for-all."

"May the strongest and biggest con-man win--which is how it goes. The most wicked power-mongers conquer and win, for power and control. Your religion does not provide a solution for that, because it is not only against nature, it is against God.""It is built on false and contradictory assumptions."

"The gay lifestyle IS harmful, to yourself and to others. It IS trespassing, against society, even if society accepts it. It IS perpetuating disease, broken families, broken hearts, as all immorality does. Yes, we all accept our sinful condition, admit this IS the way we are, and then find Grace in the Lord Jesus Christ. If you cling to your self-righteousness, you will go away a sinner and die in your sins. It is the sick that will meet the Physician, not those that (think) they have no need of a Physician. I don't care if the whole world and my entire family praise you and lift you up as righteous, and the whole world condones the homosexual lifestyle. I will stay the course and NOT enable you. This is because I DO love you and care for your soul. "

"In case we don't get the picture yet, God also specifies:"Leviticus 20:13 'If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.'"

April 28 Fruita, CO On Being in Debt

Everything in life confirms to me thatNOBODY CAN EVER PAY FOR ANYTHING!

There are no debts to pay, no guilt to requite, ever.

Guilt is debt is guilt is debt.

See a problem, fix it. But if you see it as a debt to pay, you're stuck in painful delusion, creating cycles of never-ending debt.

See a person harming you, address the behavior as a problem to simply fix. But if you see the person as guilty, to be blamed and punished, you're stuck in painful delusion, creating cycles of never-ending guilt and blame. Never ending vengeance, pay-back.Money clouds our vision of this most basic truth, which is why most everybody reading this will likely disagree, initially.

The same applies to credit as to debt. See a person doing good to you. Freely accept it as gift, not payment or a debt to be repayed, then both you and the giver have joy. But if you feel too proud to take a gift, or you take it weighed down by a sense of debt (guilt), you deny both yourself and the giver joy, you are stuck in painful delusion, creating cycles of never-ending credit and debt.

When a river over-runs its banks and floods a village, the fool beats the water with a club to punish it. The wise person simply builds a dike, with no sense of punishment.

Isn't our entire culture, from top to bottom, stuck in painful delusion, creating cycles of never-ending credit and debt? Our economic, judicial, political, and religious systems, and our entertainment, as well as our social and personal behaviors are all one thing. To fix one is to fix all.

May 6 Fruita, CO My Fruita Friend

May 11 Fruita, CO On Heaven & Hell

I write this for those who have struggled with religious programming, plagued by heaven & hell, especially those of the Big Book Abrahamic religions ("People of the Book").

When your goal is heaven, to be saved from hell, your motivation is credit & debt. You have ulterior motivation. Thus you are false.

Notice how the mind concerned with heaven & hell is also obsessed with money & commerce & nationalism.

Notice how such a mind has no place for compassion.

Life is a big test:What do you value most?You get only 2 choices:1) embrace love or2) save your ass from hell & go to heaven.Love, ever incarnated in the flesh, says:

"For whoever desires to save her life will lose it,but whoever loses her life for my sake will find it." (Matt. 16:25)

Do we really think about this? That word "lose" here is 'apollymi' (ἀπόλλυμι), usually translated as "perdition", referring to the curse of hell & applied to Antichrist ("Son of Perdition").

Everything, I mean everything, must be given up for love. Even heaven.Nothing is higher than love, nothing else matters.Not even eternal heaven or hell matter in the face of Love.

Yes, this was my liberation through a lifetime of religious programming.I do not want to go to a heaven built for those who rant against LGBT people, look down upon women, curse other religions, despise other ethnicities & customs, against other nations. If that is Christianity, then I denounce it and take hell. I would rather be in hell for the sake of love.

To find life you must give up life.To find Christianity you must give up Christianity.To find Islam you must give up Islam.Those who want heaven & fear hell will be appalled by my heresy.

May 19 Fruita, CO On "Christians" Ignoring Jesus

It is my sincere and gentle wish that this pisses people off, on all sides of the spectrum.

"America's 5 Favorite Ways to Ignore Jesus"

May 27 Identical Twins: Fundy "Christians" & Fundy "Muslims"

Below I share emails from a professed Muslim over the years, like I get from professed Christians.

Just do a tiny tweak, change a couple nouns (e.g., "Islam" to "Christianity", "Mohammad" to "Jesus").

Do we not have identical twins, one professing Christianity, the other professing Islam? Do they both not have one identical spirit?

Muhammad and Jesus and the Jewish rabbis, as well as the sages of every religion, preached the Golden Rule as the essence of true religion. If any of us actually practiced it, wouldn't we see our exact mirror reflection in the other? Wouldn't we listen to another religion, considering that they could be right, as we would have them to do to us?

If we've missed the Golden Rule, haven't we missed all of our own religion, according to the the very fundamental of our own religion?...................................................................."Hello suelo,there is only one true religion in the world and the true one is islam. Other than islam is a false one. please...try to see the real life.. There is no god but ALLAH and Muhammad pboh is the mesenger. The Last messenger. Please you must read, study alquran... see how Cat Steven convert to Islam .... , Study the life of the last prophet from a true history not from the oreantalist/western manipulation. Then you know prophet Muhammad is the perfect man in the world."

"How good is someone is...but if he/she die in other religion ...the punishment is hell forever and ever... ""I hope you will embrace islam before you die , otherwise you will be thrown into hell forever and ever..I think you can be a very good muslim if you convert because the way you live is very humble. But if you still as it is now, for sure, confirm you will be in hell... because all non-muslim or kafir will be in hell. For your information Jesus, Abraham,Noah, Joseph, Isaac, and all the mesengers of god..peace be upon them were muslims , they were not cristians or jews. They were all muslims and will be in heaven . Muslim believe Jesus is the mesenger of god not the son of god. So you don't accept prophet Muhammad pbuh is the last prophet...come on man...have you study the life or sirah prophet Muhammad pbuh...please open your heart...don't you afraid of hell????. The life of hereafter is real and will and must happen as mentioned in The Holy Quran...and all non-believers will and must be in hell...oh so sad... I hope that Allah bless me and put me in heaven."

"This is how you live when you don't have guidance. You use your intellect in a capacity that it was never meant for, drawing up your own reality. God meant for you to work, earn a living, and be functional."

"'Enlightenment' thank you for wasting my tax money because someone pays for your ridiculous ideologies! And some ignorant people reading this ( we are still in a recession), and we are encouraging economic stimulus how the heck are people going to read this and what to aid in getting the American dream back? God created all things just like he created the people that have the ideas to create and discover what we have in this world. To me you are offending God to the highest extent by acting holier then though to not use the products, and knowledge that we have been given and especially if you don't pay for it and you use it or whatever you do then you are stealing from another persons lively hood."

May 29 On a Moneyless Community Forming in Colombia

Stuff like this makes me so happy. This hombre in Colombia, Juan Manuel Idrobo, contacted me 3 years ago, saying he wanted to live without money, & maybe start a community in Colombia. After 3 years he just contacted me again. Look what he's doing. I myself have yearned to start moneyless community but it hasn't worked out for me so far. So it thrills me to see other people are successful doing it or making steps toward it all over the world.

June 3 A visit from my cousin's son James, before he enters the Peace Corps.

My cousin, James, his friend Brian (took this pic) and me following our ornithologist friend, Jesse, up to the Colorado National Monument.

June 8 Fruita, CO On the Irresponsibility of Using Banks

I know this is tough to swallow, because most everybody uses a bank. But it's truth. All our protests against the dragon are futile if we still feed the dragon. I've posted my essay several times in the past, and I'll keep periodically posting it until it sinks in.

"It is irresponsible to pay a bank 'back'.

Why? Because there is nothing to pay 'back'.

The bank lent us absolutely nothing in the first place.

It's amazingly simple when we erase the illusion of numbers and look at actual goods and services.

If we have more than we need, we are in debt to those with less than they need, from whom those goods were taken.

In banking, those with less than they need are 'in debt' to those with more than they need, which is contrary to all the physical and spiritual laws of the universe.

In other words, 'Owe no one anything, but to love one another' means don't take more than you need, and share everything as the atmosphere is shared by and for everything."

June 10 Fruita, CO

June 11 My, my... how we've advanced?

DNA analysis is showing that we and peoples all over the world can trace our genetics to the ancestors of the Bushmen in Southern Africa. Bushmen have some of the greatest, if not the greatest, human genetic variation in the world.

30 comments:

Suelo, How ironic that you should resurface on the eve of the Greek crisis, the world's first democracy subjugated by debt. Thanks for sharing the news of your life in transition. Though there may be no glory in it, there is no more noble act than caring for your parents in their twilight years. Indeed this attests to your humanity more than anything done in the pursuit of selfish freedom, with or without money. I admire you all the more for your sacrifice, extraordinary as it must be from where you are coming. I hope that you and your parents find peace and serenity in the times ahead.

I write you earnestly and hastily for my destiny is leading me back to Colorado. I am the now nineteen year old, who once met you around a year ago: Outside the Moab library, I approached you slowly, and struck up a conversation. I was hitchhiking through, when I realized who you were from a book in the library in Wheaton, IL! You offered me a home, but I continued down the road. What a path the road was. However, after a semester in college, and continuing some course, I now know the time has come where a year in the wilderness is what my heart needs to be full. I'll be emailing your gmail account, please respond. The trap of suburbia has gotten me down, I need to breathe again, shouting from the mountain side! Only love and smiles,

Suelo, it is very good to see that you are well and posting again...and finding your own kind of peace in the midst of new challenges. Godspeed to you and your loved ones on this new leg of your journey.

Hey there Brother. This is my first time commenting on here but I would love to create a relationship. My name is Brennan Pollock, I'm a 20 year old preacher from Chillicothe, Ohio who is married to a beautiful angel named Lauren, who is 21. We (over the last 6 months) have been pursuing truth not through the lens of the world or religion, but through Jesus Christ and through The Kingdom of God. I (as you) realized that what I was living was simply an actor acting a fake persona of my true self, a Fundamental Christian. To keep it nice and simple I know you see the truth as I do and as the Holy Spirit has showed us all (even those who don't come from this fold) what it really means to live, and not merely be concerned with the past (debt) or the future (credit) and that the Kingdom is WITHIN us, RIGHT NOW. I simply live, love and give. I laugh along the way and want to show people what it truly means to pick up their cross and die daily. I have received a lot of persecution (mostly professed Christians) who are sadly blinded by mammon and this disgusting system of Capitalism. The gift economy or The God Economy, which I call it, is the only way to live a life of full truth and inner peace.

My wife and I are on the path of complete moneyless, I am now but my wife isn't, we still are freegans who haven't bought anything in about 2 months besides our rent. We are wanting to start or join an intentional community/tribe that will help spread love & truth at the same time as well as practice sustainable methods of taking care of the land.

I write and blog at www.nonconformistrevial.com and would love for you to check it out.

Ill keep in tough brother. Here's to love, truth, and peace and that we ALL may wake up and see the light. Till that comes we shall spread it to all we can.

Love you man, have an amazing life, may The Great Spirit bless you and your parents during this time.

Thanks so much! That means alot! I am just now getting to where I am writing alot and need to do some reworking if the site interface. I'm writing a big essay called "The Art of Freely Giving & Receiving". I'm excited about it! Like the Facebook page for updates!

Good to hear from you. I agree with the other posters about how caring for your parents is one of a higher calling. Yet, I couldn't help but chuckle at your description of getting reacquainted with the idiosyncrasies of the outside world. Just before reading your latest blog entry, I spoke with an elderly relative who was aghast when her neighbor suggested her front yard would make a great vegetable garden. Here in Canada, the herbicide "weed and feed" has been banned in most provinces, yet there are people who literally brag about finding the right landscape/garden maintenance company who can find and use specially licensed poisons to get rid of those "dreaded dandelions." Interestingly, it's these same relatives who are always at the doctor complaining about some ailment or the other, with many having a least one bout of cancer to deal with.As for dealing with family who feel it's their Christian duty to criticize your being, why don't they also assume their Christian duty in caring for your parents? I can't help but notice that it is you your parents approached to lead them in care. All the best!

I always pop in here from time to time to see if you have posted. This post is a momentous one for you, and I was relieved to see you putting love before personal ideology. You are living out everything you have always taught us here. Thank you for that.

Yes, relationships are hard. Really tough. Not for sissies. Elton John wrote (sarcastically), "But I want love, just a different kind; I want love, won't break me down; Won't brick me up, won't fence me in; I want a love, that don't mean a thing; That's the love I want, I want love."

But love isn't like that, that's for darned sure. Blessings to you and your family, and thanks for keeping us posted.

It is great to help your parents, a debt that can never be paid back. Along the way you will drop more and more ideas of what or who you define yourself as to be, a gentle relaxing made real by watching the life to death transformation in real time. I will venture to say it will be your greatest lesson and accelerate your spiritual advancement along your own specially designed path that you have picked out. We will all learn from it as you post. Thank You.

if one has good parents that were there for them growing up (and well into their adult years) then yes ..... it's a person's obligation to return the favor and to do so happily i might add. however, if one was abandoned by their family at a young age and forced to care for themselves without any help (emotionally or financially) then this person is freed from any such preconceived obligations.

Hey, I'm glad you're still posting. I read your blog from time to time and have rarely commented; but I feel that you are a kindred spirit though you and I have very different lives.

Isn't amazing what surprises God sends us? He surprised me with a long illness recently. I still have it. I often get impatient and want to go back to "real life". To work, make art, garden, etc. But instead, I am very weak, and doing the dishes is my big accomplishment on a good day.

And yet, it has changed me considerably. My sickness has forced me to rely on God, and I love Him more than ever. My sickness has also forced me to rely on my husband to work and support the household... and I appreciate him more than ever. And I have learned a lot about the medical system, and I've come to appreciate natural medicine and proper eating as a holy response to illness.

And if God decides that I am to get well, I hope I will appreciate my good health and the freedom to work again. And I hope that this time I choose a more Godly path, less focused on making money and more focused on doing God's work by gardening or some other very important task.

When I first got sick, a book about Saint Francis came my way. I was really inspired to live more simply. But I am more and more aware of the Biblical truth that "the eye is never satisfied." I tell myself that I don't spend a lot of money... but I DO. A shopping binge at the thrift store is still a shopping binge.

As for living among Christian fundamentalists again... I go to a very conservative Baptist church. I do find it hard sometimes; but I go there because it is the church right down the road, the church of my neighbors, as it were. In some ways I think it has made me a little too conservative; but in other ways I have grown and learned a lot.

For example, the people at my church are extremely supportive of each other. My illness has required me to eat more vegetables (very expensive), and lo and behold, an old farmer from my church gives me baskets and baskets of them. People pray for me. People ask me how I am. And they are not hateful of women. Women are not preachers in my church, but we have important roles. We often handle the money, teach the children, lead prayers, lead in song, organize things, make and bring food, and (most importantly) testify. Testifying is pretty close to preaching; it is sharing your Christian story and praising God.

Going to a Baptist church, I have come to really appreciate how Christianity embraces the dichotomy of male and female. When people are acting rightly, with love and compassion, the distinction between men and women is not oppressive. Some people carp because Baptists don't have a female aspect to God; but I have come to understand that God/Christ's relationship to the church/humanity is that of a husband to a wife. Therefore as a woman, I am perfectly placed in the universe to comprehend the divine love of God.

(continued)But as a conservative Christian I am grateful that you are sharing your thoughts about being gay. I myself seem to be the only person I know who is "on the fence." People from either side of the fence would get mad if they knew that I didn't whole-heartedly agree with them, but I don't think there is a simple answer. On the one hand, it's clear from my reading of the Bible that gay marriage is not Biblical, and Westerners have several thousand years of tradition to consider. (Not that I am a Biblical scholar.) On the other hand, how can we judge gay marriage when straight marriage is such a wreck? And how can I wish unhappiness and exclusion on anyone?

I do think that the punitive response of (some) gay activists to (for example) Christian bakers who don't want to make wedding cakes is very extreme. Freedom of conscience is very important. And when I was younger, I participated in some gay communities and found them to be quite libertine. (But most of straight society is libertine.)

So it is nice to hear from a gay man who is not libertine, but chaste. I know a few others like that, and it leads me to more respect for them.

Be patient with fence-sitters like me, and with conservative people. As DH Lawrence said, "Do you think it is easy to change? Ah, it is very hard to change and be different. It means passing through the waters of oblivion."

Best of luck in caring for your parents. My stepmother did this recently and found that it was a very difficult task, because as time went on, she found herself working 24/7 with few real breaks. But you are wrong if you think that you are not garnering admiration; because those of us that know how much work it is admire you. I will pray for you that God will give you patience, love and stamina; and that He will guide your hands.

I've enjoyed reading your posts over the years and I hope you continue to make new postings in spite of the changes taking place in your life due to caring for your parents. You're doing the right thing.

Hola Suelo. What I have been interested in many years is how does someone live without money? What were your activities? How and where did you set up camp? When did you go get food? What was your faith like? (did you doubt or trust the universe) etc.Thank you for your gifts. You have been a tremendous inspiration to me.

It's noble and essential to care for your parents. When someone tells me they are moving to care for their parents (or other family member), I immediately feel deep respect for that person. Admittedly, when I was younger (I'm now 50), I would have pitied that person for being "stuck" and out of circulation. Now, I feel that person is more aligned with essential living. Good for you. I hope you'll still keep blogging. I'm inspired by all you do.

Just read M. Sundeen's book, most impressed : you are an example for humanity, thank you. But I'm also glad you are now learning how to deal with money by helping out your family. Whether we run after money or run away from money, the main problem is our perception. To perceive money as bad (or good) means that we are still suffering from the initial problem of our fall from grace : "the knowledge of good and evil". Good luck and thank you.

Jesus driving moneychangers & merchants from the Temple.

Sadhu of India

Call me Suelo

I lived totally without cents since Autumn of 2000 (except for a couple months in 2001) until the Spring of 2016, when I started caring for my aging parents, managing their finances. For 15 years I didn't use or accept money or conscious barter - nor did I take food stamps or other government dole. My philosophy has been to use only what is freely given or discarded and what is already present and already running (whether or not I existed).
I don't see money as evil or good: how can illusion be evil or good? But I don't see heroin or meth as evil or good, either. Which is more addictive and debilitating, money or meth?
Attachment to illusion makes you illusion, makes you not real. Attachment to illusion is called idolatry, called addiction. I simply got tired of acknowledging as real this most common world-wide belief called money! I simply got tired of being unreal. Money is one of those intriguing things that seems real and functional because 2 or more people believe it is real & functional!