SurvivingInfidelity.com Forum Archives

So I haven't needed this site for a long time (yay me) but I have a question.

How long should transparency last? I had gotten to a place where I was good and trusted WH as much as I was probably going to until he started playing an on-line game on his phone.

I truly think (at first) it meant nothing. Just a way to fill his down time at work. He started playing it a lot and it seemed to be taking time away from his family. We'd had a couple disagreements about it and the time he was spending. I was suspicious so I checked his email and found that he emailed two separate women pictures of his time in Afghanistan. He was also receiving texts from a number in a different state.

After checking for a couple of weeks I finally confronted him. He was of course angry because I invaded his privacy. He said that he didn't think that I should be worried didn't seem to get why I would question him.

I haven't really found anything else but I'm concerned that he's gotten smarter about his activities.

Am I being unreasonable that I should still be expecting that I should have free access to his phone and game playing/ messaging apps?

I also think that he has been checking my phone but I can't be sure.

Sorry if there's typos I'm on my phone and its hard to edit.

I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you

Me BS 31
Him WS 34 Trying4change
Together 3 years, married for one
D-day: 07/23/13 cybersex with COW
D-day: 12/27/13 found out he met and kissed a "friend" in 2011
"A clear and innocent conscience fears nothing."

Posts: 935 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: Oklahoma

MairISaoirse♀ 41497Member # 41497

Posted: 1:26 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014

IMO- transparency should be forever. I think waywards lose all right to privacy once they make the choice to R

He said that he didn't think that I should be worried didn't seem to get why I would question him

I dont think he has any right to "THINK" and decide what YOU should and should not be worried about

i dont think you're being unreasonable

Mad Hatter

Me: 21
Him: 21
Together 2 years
my ONS->1 mo EA abroad

after D-Day BF admitted he had broken NC with EXGF (EA)
D-DAY 11/21/13

What "privacy"? Is he pooping in this online game? 'Cause that's the only kind of privacy he needs.

It's been six years for me, and I say forever. We still know all each other's passwords.

I'm not the winner, I'm the prize.

Posts: 8909 | Registered: Jan 2008

Bikingguy♂ 38103Member # 38103

Posted: 2:18 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014

I do think WW lose it forever after an A, however it should have never been there in the first place - Wish I knew that years ago.

Overheard a coworker comment about how her H say the web sites she visited and she said "time to find another browser" I so wanted to go up to her and the other listening (one is about to get married ((for the first time )) and tell them that secrets have no place in a marriage.

Me: BH, 44
Her: WW, 43
D day. January 12, 2013

Posts: 717 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Socal

sisoon♂ 31240Member # 31240

Posted: 3:16 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014

If you're in R, you're in a partnership the likes of which requires, IMO, that you both know where the other is and what he's doing...in other words, transparency is just part of M. It goes on as long as you're in the M.

fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 70 (22 in my head), Married 45+, together since 1965, same sex ap
DDay - 12/22/2010
Recover'd and R'ed
I'm not an exemplar. I share my own experience because it's all I know.

Posts: 11875 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area

AFrayedKnot♂ 36622Member # 36622

Posted: 3:48 PM, January 31st (Friday), 2014

If I am thinking of doing something that I want to keep private I probably shouldn't be doing it. Complete transparency creates a good gauge to judge myself by.

BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"