Interfaith Marriages

Dear Abby: I read with great interest the column in which a young man asked whether or not to marry his girlfriend of another religious faith. I met my husband more than 15 years ago. I am Christian; he is Jewish. Ours was a similar situation, and friends and relatives from both of our families advised us not to marry -- arguing, "What would the children be raised?" My husband finally got fed up and told everyone to mind their own business because we were 27 years old and could decide for ourselves in a country that grants everyone religious freedom.

Selling tickets for the High Holidays is a big business for synagogues throughout North America, but Rabbi Michael Gold, spiritual leader of Temple Beth Torah in Tamarac is offering a free service this Rosh Hashanah. The service will take place on the first day of Rosh Hashanah at the synagogue from 5 to 6:30 p.m. at 5700 NW 94th Ave. "We will be having the service in between our regular morning service and before the evening service and Tashlich, where we throw bread crumbs into the water, symbolizing the removal of our sins," Gold said.

Rabbis should discourage members of their congregations from joining in interfaith marriages, according to the leader of a governing body of Conservative Judaism in North America. "We have been too timid and done too little - it is in the grassroots at the local synagogues where we can reverse the intermarriage trend," said Rabbi Alan Silverstein, president of the Rabbinical Assembly. The Rabbinical Assembly is made up of representatives of Conservative Judaism's 850 synagogues in North America, which have about 1.5 million members.

Sure, Christmas is tomorrow. But as we're already in the midst of Hanukkah, we thought it would be a good time to look at five TV episodes in which the Jewish Festival of Lights was a key part of the plot. Thirtysomething (Dec. 15, 1987): Michael (Ken Olin) and Hope (Mel Harris) clash over whether their daughter's first holiday should be Christmas or Hanukkah. Rugrats (Dec. 6, 1996): The animated Rugrats (the products of interfaith marriages) celebrate Hanukkah while trying to settle a dispute between Grandpa Boris and his childhood rival, Shlomo.

One-third of all interfaith marriages result in conversion of the non-Jewish partner to the faith, according to a noted researcher on the subject - and the conversion makes "all the difference in the world" whether or not their children think of themselves as Jews. "When a non-Jewish spouse converts to Judaism, it becomes the same as a standard Jewish family," said Steven Bayme, assistant director for communal affairs with the American Jewish Committee. "So the Jewish community should encourage conversion."

At one time it was considered a scandal, a disgrace. The marriage of a Jew and a non-Jew would result in the couple being cut off from their families and religious communities. "The traditional attitude of the rabbinate was to isolate and exclude and shut out the (interfaith) family as much as possible so as to not remind us of our failures," said Egon Mayer, a sociology professor at Brooklyn College and author of the book Love and Tradition: Marriage Between Jews and Christians. For Jews, to marry "out of the tribe" went against Old Testament principles.

In last Sunday's Sunshine magazine section, your writer referred to me as being married to a Christian. This was in reference to your article about interfaith marriages. In reality, I am a divorcee. HELEN MANDELBAUM Boca Raton

At age 87, Rabbi Samuel Silver can't slow down even if he wanted. Three years ago, he retired after 17 years as rabbi at Temple Sinai in Delray Beach. Before that, he had been the rabbi at Temple Sinai in Stanford, Conn. for 18 years. Members of the Delray Beach congregation begged him to come back. Instead, about 18 months ago, he started L'dor-V'dor -- which means from generation to generation -- a Reform synagogue in Boynton Beach. Elaine, his wife of 46 years, and their son, Barry, are right behind him. Literally.

This holiday season, more children than ever are likely to celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah. Attribute this phenomenon to the nationwide rise in interfaith marriages and Jewish-Christian couples observing both religious holidays. Such news scares many Jewish leaders, who think the increasing number of interfaith marriages threatens the survival of Judaism in America. Local Jewish leaders voiced those fears this week during a session on interfaith marriage at the David Posnack Jewish Community Center in Davie.

Selling tickets for the High Holidays is a big business for synagogues throughout North America, but Rabbi Michael Gold, spiritual leader of Temple Beth Torah in Tamarac is offering a free service this Rosh Hashanah. The service will take place on the first day of Rosh Hashanah at the synagogue from 5 to 6:30 p.m. at 5700 NW 94th Ave. "We will be having the service in between our regular morning service and before the evening service and Tashlich, where we throw bread crumbs into the water, symbolizing the removal of our sins," Gold said.

Title: Board member of Hollywood Interfaith Council; nearing retirement as a self-employed manufactuer's representative for plastic bag makers. Other community posts: Former chair and board member of Jewish Community Relations Council for Broward County; former board member of Jewish Federation of Broward County; helped lead Jewish-Catholic and Jewish-Muslim dialogues. Education: Undergraduate studies at Sir George Williams University in Montreal. Personal: Age 69. Born in Montreal. South Florida resident since 1976.

Q. About 27 years ago, my daughter married a Jewish boy. He refused to be married in church, so they had a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. Now, my daughter is wondering, if she were to pass away, whether she could have any kind of service in the Catholic Church. What would you say? My daughter goes to church on holidays and for funerals, weddings, etc. Of course, she does not receive Communion. With all the interfaith marriages now, I guess a lot of people are in the same predicament.

Q. A friend told me that her son was going to be married next spring to a young Jewish girl. She said they were going to be married at the hall and that a rabbi and priest were going to officiate. I would like to know the procedures for such weddings. Are interfaith couples required to attend pre-cana conferences prior to the wedding? -- A.V., Huntington, Long Island, N.Y. A. If one of the parties is Catholic, they must go to the local parish and meet with a priest or deacon. All couples who wish the blessing of the church must attend a pre-cana program.

Q. I am Jewish and in love with a Catholic woman. We're not yet engaged and are struggling with how to raise our children. I insisted on raising them as Jewish and she finally agreed. But she's a devout Catholic and I'm a very believing Jew, and whenever we discuss this issue she cries. Even though she has agreed to raise our children Jewish, I don't know whether we should get married. -- J.J., Hoboken, N.J. A.The big question is, why did you get two votes? She wants to raise her children as Christians and you want them to be Jewish, but you can't seem to move on unless one of you "gives up."

Q. Could you tell me what happened to Fred Dryer and Stepfanie Kramer from the series Hunter? What are they doing today? - B.B., Hollywood A. Dryer and Kramer were together again during the midseason press tour at a party celebrating NBC's 75th anniversary. They were involved in a very friendly conversation, which would either belie rampant reports of bad blood by the time they stopped working together or ratify the old saw about time healing all wounds. Both are still busy in show business.

CORAL SPRINGS Temple Beth Orr's ingathering-the UAHC Outreach Program, will conduct an Open Dialogue at 7:30 p.m. on Monday. The discussion will focus on children of interfaith marriages. All are welcome but reservations are requested. Temple Beth Orr is located at 2151 Riverside Drive. Call 954-753-3232. COCONUT CREEK AARP invites visiting members to group Coconut Creek Chapter #4069 of the American Association of Retired Persons will meet at 9 a.m. on Wednesday in the Ted Thomas Activity Center, 1055 NW 45th Ave. Visitors and prospective members are welcome.

A nationwide survey of 325 rabbis, which asked whether they would perform interfaith marriages between Jews and non-Jews, has provided an unusual statistical look at how this contentious question divides the spiritual leaders of the faith's traditional and liberal branches. The survey's results were compiled this fall by the Jewish Outreach Institute and the Center for Jewish Studies at the Graduate School of the City University of New York. It found no rabbis within the Conservative or Orthodox movements who officiated at interfaith marriages, but reported that 36 percent of Reform rabbis said they did, although they generally required the couple to agree to raise their children as Jews.

Sure, Christmas is tomorrow. But as we're already in the midst of Hanukkah, we thought it would be a good time to look at five TV episodes in which the Jewish Festival of Lights was a key part of the plot. Thirtysomething (Dec. 15, 1987): Michael (Ken Olin) and Hope (Mel Harris) clash over whether their daughter's first holiday should be Christmas or Hanukkah. Rugrats (Dec. 6, 1996): The animated Rugrats (the products of interfaith marriages) celebrate Hanukkah while trying to settle a dispute between Grandpa Boris and his childhood rival, Shlomo.

At age 87, Rabbi Samuel Silver can't slow down even if he wanted. Three years ago, he retired after 17 years as rabbi at Temple Sinai in Delray Beach. Before that, he had been the rabbi at Temple Sinai in Stanford, Conn. for 18 years. Members of the Delray Beach congregation begged him to come back. Instead, about 18 months ago, he started L'dor-V'dor -- which means from generation to generation -- a Reform synagogue in Boynton Beach. Elaine, his wife of 46 years, and their son, Barry, are right behind him. Literally.

Dear Abby: I read with great interest the column in which a young man asked whether or not to marry his girlfriend of another religious faith. I met my husband more than 15 years ago. I am Christian; he is Jewish. Ours was a similar situation, and friends and relatives from both of our families advised us not to marry -- arguing, "What would the children be raised?" My husband finally got fed up and told everyone to mind their own business because we were 27 years old and could decide for ourselves in a country that grants everyone religious freedom.