by Brad Warner

I would like to point out here that I am not Marilyn Manson. Yesterday I got a phone call. “Is Br(unintelligible) there?” asked a female voice I did not recognize.

I said, “This is Brad.”

Long silence. “Hello?” I said.

“Hello,” she replied. More silence. Then, “Are you Marilyn Manson?”

“No,” I said, for truly I am not.

More silence. Then, “Do you know his phone number?”

“No,” I said, for truly I do not.

“Thank you. Have a nice day,” she said, then hung up.

This morning I checked Marilyn Manson out on Wikipedia. I’ve heard of him, of course. But I’m not really up on his history at all. Except that I know he’s from Canton, Ohio, which is a few miles south of where I grew up. The only things there are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and Belden Village Mall, which used to have an OK record store we’d go to sometimes.

Anyway, I found out his real name is Brian Warner. So this girl must have looked up every B. Warner listed in Los Angeles and decided I was Marilyn. I think she called once before. I got a call about a year ago which consisted of two teenage-sounding girls giggling and telling me I was the coolest guy ever.

Your memory must be getting fuzzy, Warner-san: the only decent record store ever in Canton was Quonset Hut. Bongs upstairs, records downstairs. The way we do it in the 216. Well, did. Who knows. It’s been a while since I’ve been back.

A man was once discussing logic with Bertrand Russell and told him he couldn’t accept that any statement follows from a false premise. He challenged Bertrand Russell to prove that he was the Pope from the premise that 1+1=3. Bertrand Russel thought for a minute and then replied. Because 1+1=3 and 3=2+1, then 1=2. The Pope and I are two, thus the Pope and I are one. Therfore, I am the Pope.

So because “form is emptiness,” but “in emptiness there is no form,” you are Marilyn Manson.

All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.

No words contains only truth, No words contains only lies. Sometimes we must pluck lies from truth like weeds from a garden, other times we must dig through mountains of bullshit to find the smallest pearl of truth.

Believe it or not, Brad, I’ve noticed that before, and pointed it out to others. But not to you. I mean, noticed that you were both B. Warners from Ohio who have been into pretty hard music. But I didn’t point it out to you. Didn’t know how you’d take it.

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