It’s been so long. So very, very, long and hard to be away. It’s Kristin again! Aw. That’s so nice. Even though I didn’t ask for it, I think I got a FUCK YEAH! Possibly even two!

Miss Jett has returned from abroad, but remains a broad. I mean that in the best way possible. Apparently, her computer has taken to poking her in the eye with a sharp stick, repeatedly, and in a very unsportsmanlike manner. No email, can’t check comments, etc. (see post below) So, she has given the guest posters the greenlight to continue ravaging her blog like so many pirates to a wench. Arr. *peg leg gimp*

So, let’s see. What have I been up to of late? There has been television, there was a yard sale, I got gas for my car, and went to the grocery store. This morning, I trimmed my toenails! Last night, I watched the Redskins get their asses spanked by the jerk Dallas Cowboys. It was fugly*.

* fugly = fuckin’ ugly. Also: fungry = fuckin’ hungry.

How about I ramble for a moment, if you don’t mind? Super. I’ve got a few shouts to out, things to random, and I’m fresh out of stamps, and people who give a shit.

I would like to give a shout out here to my homegirl, the cashier at Koko’s Deli. While it’s impressive that you can make my white, paper carryout bag into a Chinese throwing star, I have no time for origami when all I want to do is get back to the office and eat my damn sandwich.

Do you have parents? I do. Mine are returning from Europe today (that sounded pretentious), and I am picking them up at the airport. I’m sure my evening will be filled with wine and stories, which is nice. But, I think I already know all I need to know about the trip: my brother went and stayed with them in a house in Provence for a week. A quote from my brother: “be forewarned…mom will be purchasing Edith Piaf when she gets home. and someone had it in for me at our house in france…the CD collection included: Sting, Norah Jones, Edith Piaf, Van Morrison.” aka The My Mom Creams Her Jeans Collection. All that was missing there was Annie Lennox and the French Kiss soundtrack. My brother is convinced the latter was there, but hidden beneath a floorboard like a contraband bottle of liquor or something.

Speaking of contraband liquor, while studying The Great Gatsby in high school (junior year), we had a “speakeasy” in class one Friday. We had to get dressed up and bring food and everything. You can imagine just exactly how fun that wasn’t.

Secret TV confession part 1: I like to watch QVC, but only the jewelry parts, and only if it’s gemstones, or “gemstones” (like wtf is hallalucicapretendlite in the first place?). I ESPECIALLY like it if it’s the Joan Rivers collection. She was on last night, and I watched it for half an hour, until the start of her cosmetics collection line.

Secret TV confession part 2: You show me a food-related infomercial, and I squeal with delight. My favorites have been: The Snackmaster (make “apple pie” with two slices of white bread, apple pie filling and margarine! All food = triangle-shaped), Mr. Mixer (hosted by none other than Mr. Belvedere!!!!!), the TurboCooker, and the Xpress 101 (All food comes out shaped like a semi-circle). I will watch them over and over again, and I don’t care who knows it.

I think that about covers it for today, mon petit chous. Until next time, koko (keep on keepin’ on)!

Bye bye!

Kristin

PS – Is there anyone out there who remembers the cartoon Galaxy High, circa 1986? There HAS to be someone, as I really don’t think I could’ve made up an animated show about a high school in outer space, extra terrestrial cliques, et. al. Likewise Beverly Hills Teens (more limos with hottubs on the back, less aliens). Someone help a girl out.

how bout them boys? (heh sorry couldn’t resist, team loyalty and all that)

I vaguely remember something about Galaxy High and the Beverly Hills one, but then again that might have been a drug and/or alcohol induced hallucination.

hans9.28.2004

no galaxy high, but if you love kitchen infomercial gadgets, I just might have a extra “rotato”. one year we gave a roatato to everyone in the family (we found them for $2.00 ea.!) if you want one, let me know and I will check and see if any made it through the move.

a final note on tv infomercial products: turbo ovens (flavorwave, galloping gourmet, etc.) are the best kitchen gadget ever! amen.