Tonight’s show was a mix of joke bands, nerd bands, and suspicious bands.

The audience was mostly fake-leather-pants geeks, rejects, friends of the bands, and women who are into "boys love" manga. You’d think I would be popular in such a scene but I was shunned. Maybe it had to do with the fact that they were playing porn on the overhead projector between every single damn band. All these middleaged nerd women watching vibrators created what shall we say a chilling atmosphere. Anyway I managed to have some fun, as we shall see.

HEDORANOME

A "visual kei"-style band. They combined traditional Japanese ’80s glam with Dude-From-Korn-style posturing. Yes they had handprints on their chests. That was the best they could come up with. Give them a break.

Yay!!! middleaged lady headbanging!!!!

DIGITAL CITY JUNKIES

These guys were just — 70s punk costumes, nu-metal verses, pop choruses, with lame techno drum samples layered over every song. Who are you trying to be??? It’s like, Dude, you forgot opera capes and your DJ scratching.

ok, there were over 10 bands tonight, none of which I’d heard before. In theory it was a good deal for the money, but in practice, it meant that bands that were good only had time to play 3 songs, while bands that were just terrible got like half an hour.

Anyway, you’ll excuse me if I don’t know the name of the next band.

It was either SUICHUU, SORE HA KANASHII (it’s painful to be underwater)

or

RIMPU SEN HARETSU (limp organ rupture)

(and you thought ENGLISH japanese band names were weird.)

The singer had the best setup ever — Russian Kommandant hat/boots/trenchcoat.

and under that, adult diapers!

After he did his diaper dance, he ripped them off and threw them to adoring fans. or, AT adoring fans.

Blondie in his y-fronts, exchanging salutations with his anime-haired guitarist.

I am not sure, but i think this band only played "Weird-Al" versions of old 70s Japanese pop/ballads. They were that obscure.

LOGISTICS

These guys opted for a more Butthole-Surfers approach.

The guitarist was a construction worker, the bassist was a transvestite, they had some girl who looked 11 playing "noise guitar" with 100 effects pedals, the singer was some kind of escaped Otaku mental patient, and the stage was covered in blow-ups of failed celebrities.

Plus, they had a video projector going as well, all playing clips of those celebrities. The singer would dance along with the celebrities, doing a grotesque butoh-ish parody of them.

Actually it sounds better than it was.

PLANET GOLD 2008

These guys were THE nerdiest band tonight, which was quite a feat.

Their stage show was so ill-advised. They did one song, then spent like 15 minutes explaining about their superpowers and how they had like 18 strength or what their armor class was, and by the time they got around to winding up their elaborate back-story, it was time for the show to be over. I think they got half way through their second song.

It was like kabuki anime in vegas. The green lady was named like "Zebera Green Sex", and the blue lady was something like "Sex Zero Super Zebra". I think the red guy was just "Sex."

Introducing the band/alien/sex teacher/lounge singer/superheros.

This was 90 percent of the show. Apparently they came from some kind of zebra planet to teach humans more advanced fucking techniques.

Not pictured, the holes in the ass-cheeks of the red guy’s superhero uniform.

Yay dancing!! All their songs were karaoke-style, and the music was fake anime-theme-song-y. It was a glorious mix of bombast and ineptitude, like visual kei used to be before it got all played out.

I should point out , in their defense, it was intentionally campy. Volitional camp, if you will. At one point they dragged a *volunteer* from the audience and inducted her into their fan club with the following initiation — the dude bent over her and emptied a small tin of semen-looking syrup into her mouth and made her chant "I AM FULL OF ZEBRA SPACE SEX SUPER! I AM FULL OF IT!"

QP CRAZY

These clowns only played for like 8 minutes. what the hell? especially retarded was, I had to sit through 2 of the most boring bands ever (not the bands above, who were awesome, but the bands i am NOT writing about because life is too short to even dis some people). Buhhh .. . .I had to sit through like an hour of crap to see qp crazy and then they play 8 minutes? Please explain to me the shady backroom-dealings that led to this turn of events. . . .

The main dude only sung on one of the 3 songs!!! but he DID bring his fire-spewing megapone, and rampage through the audience.

Did i mention the mostly 30s female audience was made to watch porn the whole time between bands?

awkward.

SHINE SHINE DAN

this band, whose name means THE DIE! DIE! GANG, has been going for 15 years. Their songs are about death, poop, psychotic santas, and death.

The music is that usual Japanese up-tempo, super-genki hard rock, but somehow it is OK. Like, the songs actually sound different from one another, i guess is why it is OK.

Plus the singer could make his head explode like that.

And the bassist could channel The Clash.

Fucking just look at how they rock out. look at it. . . . .

the singer, though, was the fucking best. He looked like some kind of Nick Cave person but all mixed with Rockabilly Addams Family Grandpa, plus dude was like 10 feet tall.

Plus he had the best "stage moves" ever, which involved him looking like a confused old Ronald Reagan. All wandering around the stage during guitar solos or riffs. Wandering and touching things like mic stands and carpets with an innocent sense of wonder.

or, above, walking slowly and deliberately into a wall, and then STARING AT IT. during the entire solo. fucking genius.

or here, giving the guitarist a massage. I already mentioned about dude was like 10 feet tall.