July 02, 2012

I am Superman… right?

I am… I am Super Man… and I can do anything.—R.E.M., a cover song from Life's Rich Pageant, 1986

Sooo… where was I on the old Move More, Eat Well front? Ah, yes… last month, I wrote about some of the realities of where I am right now. One blog reader called me out for whining, and at first I considered it (and of course, felt that drop in the old stomach as one will feel when being called out for something), but then I thought, "Nope, it's not whining. It's reality. And there is a difference."

Reality that I'm 46 and things are going to hurt when I run.

Reality that my metabolic functions aren't what they used to be.

Reality that I am fighting the cravings for sugar and junk because I'm still dabbling in sugar and junk.

Reality that yes, I am still doing the exact same kinds of exercises and not changing things up and therefore not seeing major results.

Reality that I technically know how to fix this, but choose to do things that will sabotage the process like enjoying a glass or two of delicious red wine in the evenings, believing that, what the hell, it's a better than Sprite, right?

I even had a conversation with my therapist about this, and one of the things she told me is that when you indulge every whim and desire [read: decide to eat those fancy cheeses and crackers with your red wine] you are, in essence, behaving like a child. She says that an adult will do what is needed. They don't whine and make excuses. They eat nourishing, nutrient dense foods that sustain the body, not overwhelm it.

I'm really shooting for adulthood here.

I'm also trying to understand how being an adult and being enough can co-exist.

With all the inspirational reading I've been doing lately, I've been trying to look at the relationship between taking full responsibility for the things I want to change and the idea of being enough as I am.

When does enough abdicate you from the responsibility to make changes that you actually need to make.

For example, my current BMI is 25.8 and the normal range is 18.5 – 24.9. The numbers tell me I'm really close and I know that the higher that BMI, the more likely that any manner of health issues could be in my future.

I told my therapist about the year I got really thin, a few years after Aidan was born, and as I was explaning to her that maybe I'm presently at the weight I should be at, "But you said you got down to 120 pounds," to which I replied, "Yes, in 1999, I did… and I did so by smoking a pack of cigarettes a day, drinking coffee and eating basically one meal."

Now that's not very adult at all, is it?

Somtimes, this process makes my head hurt. And sometimes, I get tired of thinking about it all the time. (And believe me, I think about it all the time.) But when I embrace the whole, "I'm tired of this" mentality, that is me not taking responsibility for my health and fitness. Period.

If I choose to be an adult and do what is needed (feed my body well and move it accordingly) then this whole thing doesn't have to be a problem anymore. Or at least that's what they tell me.

That's kind of where my head is at this month, trying to understand what is really needed and how to behave like an adult. Not just when it's convenient. Not just when I can happily report: "I'm down five pounds. Look at how great I am!"

Does any of this resonate with you? Or does it just feel like a bunch of therapy-fueled mumbo jumbo?

It's not always going to be sunshine and roses, this process. I'm not trying to pretend like if you do A, B and C, then the answers will all be crystal clear. Sometimes the path from A to C takes a lot of twists, turns and missteps.

That feels a lot more like reality to me than anything else.

But as one of my favorite animated characters says, "Just keep swimming."

If you're interested in making changes to your overall health and fitness, Move More, Eat Well is a 12-month online workshop at Big Picture Classes. The focus of this class is to embark on a personal journey that works with your unique lifestyle in helping you to find ways to make the changes you'd like to see on a fitness and health level. Registration is open all year and you can jump in anytime to join the more than 1,550 women and men who've made the decision to try to make changes in their own lives. Move More, Eat Well revolves around a robust community of users who are all creating a scrapbook/journal of their progress. To learn more, click here.

102 Comments

Holy cows!! What your therapist says about behaving like a child gave me a total "Oprah Aha Moment"!!! That makes so much sense for me and how I'm living right now and not just with eating! Wow! I really need to start shooting for adulthood as well.

I can also relate to thinking about food, weight, and a number of other things that I know I need to address, but I'm not. I spend so much time thinking about all the things I need to do instead of just actually doing them. It makes me tired.

I laughed out loud at the just keep swimming comment. I love Dory, mostly because I'm so much like her hahaha

Wow, this just sounds like me. I really know what I need to do but I just think about it so much and never make the changes I should. Sometimes I make a change but it only lasts a short while. I think I just need to grow up and make the changes now.Thanks for sharing your journey. Take care

Wow. I SO needed to hear this today. After a few months of "mindless" eating (sugar and chips, etc)I am trying to eat healthier and run more. Last week I had a great week, felt good and stepped on the scale to check in and... my weight had not budged from last week. The adult in me SHOULD have said "oh well...keep on course, you are making healthy choices! Soon you willl see a difference!" BUT the child in me said "Screw it--have a beer. That will make you feel better!".
I need to listen to the adult in me more often. Thank you for the reminder! Just keep swimming!

You are not whining! You are so real and I know most of us can relate to it. As a 60+ woman I know my body hurts more, can do less, and losing weight is a downhill battle all the time. I am right along with you and find every whine, complaint, encouragement, whatever you choose to call it, very, very helpful. For this I THANK YOU.

Yes-- this is real. Life would be so much easier if the route to enough-ness and self acceptance and adulthood were clearly mapped out, but I'm finding the trick is navigating in the grey area in between. I'm thinking about it like this: I will not be worth more when I weigh less and am more fit, but when I eat and move the way an adult who respects herself would, I am recognizing my inherent worth more accurately.

Not an easy road, no matter what. I've also realized that we all grapple and struggle with these issues differently, and it is tempting to call something whining when we don't struggle with the same facets of it. But it doesn't life anyone up to do so.

I don't think you're whining at all. I can totally relate to where you are... I'm there myself at the moment. And here's how I've decided to move forward: I'm going to love myself through this.

(cue shocking music).

Yup. I've been thinking a lot about this, and I decided that I'm going to treat myself like someone I really, really love. I'm not going to say mean things to me. I'm going to be encouraging to me. I'm going to feed me the right foods that give me maximum nutrition and taste.

I'm going to take each craving as it comes, and deal with it individually. I know I can get through an individual moment - it's the collective moments that are much harder for me. I have a tendency to look at the big picture - and when that picture gets overwhelming, it can stop me dead in my tracks.

I'm going to take each day of moving my body as an invitation to do just a little bit more. I've been away from running for the past 2 weeks with a knee injury, and this week will be the first week back. I know it's going to be hard, but I'm going to give myself a big pat on the back for simply getting back out there and starting again.

Truth is, I am tired of being mean to me.

I deserve better from me.

And I know that the "adult" part of me wants to show the "child" part of me that I'm worth taking really good care of. Because for me, that's the bottom line: I'm going through the process of learning that I'm worth it. I'm worth the extra $ for really fresh, good food. I'm worth getting up a little early if it means I have the time to reflect on my day before I dive right in and get overwhelmed. I'm worth the effort it's going to take to get some exercise when it's 100 degrees with 70% humidity here in Chicago. I'm worth all of it.

So I just wanted you to know that you've got someone here who's rooting for you from the same place right now... and who thinks you're worth it, too.

You have to cut yourself some as slack Girlfriend. Its like when you quit smoking - one day at a time. Rather than chastising yourself for yesterday - today is another day. It is harder when you are older. You metabolism does slow down and the real thing is that our bodies arent as limber as they used to. Strive for good enough - not perfection. I am not so sure your "therapist" is doing right by you. Such guilt implying that you are behaving like a child! Havent we had enough of this! Have your occasional glass of wine. If you had cheese and crackers with it - ok, tomorrow we adjust . Hugs to you

Kendra, i think I will do the class again, Im planning it anyway. But then there is that part of me that says, Man, I dont know if I want to try to be inspirational when Im not really succeeding myself. Know what I mean? : )

This morning I went out and pounded the pavement, 3.5 miles of it.While I am very happy with that, let me just say that even with really great shoes, super nice smart wool socks and cute running skort....I still felt every single jolt when my foot struck the ground. There are days when I don't "feel" this so much, then there are days when I do. At 48 yo, parts of my body just don't have the shock absorption that they used to, while other areas bounce more than I'd like! So, in an effort to tune out these physical issues, I tuned into what was playing in my ear....."if nothing stays the same, maybe it's time to change"....this song ("Maybe" by Sick Puppies), has stuck with me all morning. And as I read your blog post I realize why....it's time to change! I'm going to break out the kick board and head to the pool and also try the P90X that has had me too intimidated to even take the wrapper off the package!! LOL Do I expect these changes to turn me into that super svelte model on the cover of Athleta? No. But I do hope the changes will give me a better feeling for what my bodies standards are and where I can push it more! Good luck in your journey Cathy and thanks for the refocusing!! :) Blessings~

Is it only women who struggle with this "enough-ness"? Why aren't **we**, the ones who produced our wonderful children, who raise them to be conscious productive people, who feed and care for our family and home, AND who work outside the home to financially support the whole, neither **ADULT** nor **ENOUGH**?

My inner child is always complaining that it's not fair that other people can eat what they want and still be skinny. She also throws silent curses at people with that ectomorph physique. (It's not fair!!) Then she tells me to go ahead and buy that bag of M & M's because I'm never going to be thin anyway.

When I'm feeling happy and upbeat I can ignore my inner child with ease. It's on those other days that she gets her way. How do I handle that?

"...when you indulge every whim and desire [read: decide to eat those fancy cheeses and crackers with your red wine] you are, in essence, behaving like a child. She says that an adult will do what is needed. They don't whine and make excuses. They eat nourishing, nutrient dense foods that sustain the body, not overwhelm it."
CRAP! Talk about a wake-up call. I keep saying I lost my mojo, but I guess I didn't. I just wasn't paying attention.

I don't think you are whining, and I am in the same place as you, age, weight, and body pain wise. I do like what your therapist says about being an adult. It is very true. I think I am adult about 90% of the time. It is that last 10%, being an adult 100% of the time where I fall down. Don't forget to look around and give yourself credit for the adult stuff you do all the time without giving it a second thought. Giving 100% all the time is hard.

Adults do not always make perfect decisions! Your therapist should be shot for making you feel inadequate as an adult because every decision you make isn't the right one! That my dear is life! I have come to realize that everyone has their "vice" so to speak and just because someone looks great on the outside does not make them more adult than someone else! Others may drink, gamble, smoke, abuse others...the list is endless. Hmm maybe your therapists vice is to make you feel less adequate, therefore needing him/her more often...making him/her more $$$! You are a smart cookie [pardon the sugar!] Cathy Z...only you will know when your body says "we're OK, we're enough!"

Try to be inspirational?? But are so inspirational!! You inspire me on a daily basis, Way more so, as you are (honest. real. human.) than if you were back at 120 lbs because you drank black coffee and ate one meal a day.

There is a balance between not indulging every whim and being good to yourself. In a perfect world, we would deny ourselves everything that is bad for us, but that wouldn't be any fun, would it? I don't think it's an unspeakable crime to go off the wagon every now and then and indulge in a treat. The question to myself is always, "Is it worth the caloric expenditure?" A bag of chips or junk food isn't (to me). A homemade brownie or sliver of chocolate mousse cake might be. The point is balance and moderation - don't indulge every whim, but you're human, and it's ok if your diet isn't perfect 100% of the time. Hell, I'd be happy with 50 or 75%!

Cathy Z...you ARE succeeding! You are motivating so many of us to do our best! The class is "move more eat well", NOT "how to be a perfectionist"! People love that you are real and honest, it normalizes us all. I have been part of your class this year and although my weight is not dropping so fast [2-4 lbs]...I am moving more than I ever did and eating way more veggies, fruit & protein! I feel better, THAT is progress!

Makes 100% perfect sense and it is 100% spot on accurate. I do act like a spoiled child with my eating and I need to take control of it once and for all. After losing 30 lbs 7 years ago I have managed to climb back up to my highest weight yet again and its the same vicious cycle over and over again. I need to GROW UP and act like an adult when it comes to diet and exercise. I too am in the same place as you and I love the way to can put all these thoughts, feelings and emotions into words.

THANK YOU dorothy for sharing. i just entered my 50s and it seems everyone around me is in 2 categories - either they are relatively thin naturally, with no struggle or they have given up and are fine being "cushy". i dont mind working to be healthy but its reallly tough to stay motivated. i want a life of balance - one that respects my aging body (discomfort is fine but real pain - that cant be good).
glad to know this a journey for us all - that we all are growing and learning no matter how old (chronologically) we get.

I have recently lost about 20 lbs. walking every day and I feel the best I have in years, however, I still have a long, long, long way to go. But the thing is, I guess I don't really care as much as you do about being thin. I don't beat myself up like some people. I'd rather enjoy a little junk and be heavier than some people, than to live my life worrying about every bite I eat and being miserable because I can't have a cookie. I know I am too self-indulgent and probably will pay for it in the long run and I am working on doing better but I can't seem to find the motivation to completely change everything about how I eat. If I were around 150 lbs., I'd be on Cloud 9! I would just love to be in regular size clothes. I don't know that I really have a point, just wanted to say maybe your body is just regulating to the weight you are now and you're beating yourself up too much trying to be something your body does not find easy to be. My BFF has been in the public eye most of her life and as she nears 50, she finds it harder and harder to be the tiny size she always was. So she constantly does the HCG diet where she eats 500 calories. She's lost and gained the same 30 lbs. over and over in the last few years doing it. I tell her - you're almost 50! You're not meant to be 115 anymore. But she doesn't listen. She's always dogging on herself and she is honestly, one of the most stunningly beautiful women you would ever see. You remind me of her a bit in that I think you are too hard on yourself. I think you are also stunningly beautiful. I just hate to see you struggle because I love you! :) Oh and PS - I have been walking for almost a year and I like it, but it physically hurts me every day. By the end of my 2 mile walk, I think I'm going to DIE. Very frustrating!

Being an adult is sooo overrated! But your post really hits home Cathy! You are so not alone...40 changed the game! I used to say I ran so I could eat anything I want but now I am finding that at 42 I'm running just so I can hold into those 10 extra pounds I still need to lose and not let them turn into 20! The bottom line is that being healthy takes work. The results are really worth it but anything worth it takes work. Some days we wanna work and some days we don't. That's just how God made us. What a funny guy! ;). Sounds like you have a great therapist! Hang in there cuz you ain't alone!

I'm just a few years younger than you (I will 40 in a few months), but I'm dealing with similiar issues. The biggest difference is that you have started to at least trying to exercise. I have several health issues that are totally a result of my age that I'm dealing with that are keeping me from really trying to exercise. I need to lose about 35 lbs ideally. I went through a whole period of self loathing over this, but then I saw my doctor and she told me to chill out. She was very blunt and told me that if I was never a person who was into fitness and exercise, starting at this age and seeing huge results would be very hard indeed...and that was not realistic. Her advice to me was to let go of the physical outside appearance aspect of fitness and focus on staying healthy! Let's be blunt, we are on the downhill slope of life...the next couple of decades will bring lots of changes to our bodies as women. The key to longevity is just being sensible. My husband is a doctor and sees lots of elderly patients. He says the women who are very thin tend to door poorly as compared to those with a little "meat on their bones" (not obese mind you...but fairly typical for a woman after age 50 kind of weight). And you are right to a certain degree on being the weight you should be. Your body does stay at a certain weight on purpose. It sort of sets a baseline weight for you that it deems as sufficient. It is the reason why people who lose alot of weight find themselves bouncing back to their prior weight after a certain time. I forget what the metabolic process is called, but it goes back to caveman days when people had to sustain body fat in times of starvation etc. I have embraced not being the girl I was in my 20s. I have beared kids, I have lived a life full of stress and blessings...I have made it to middle age (nearly) and that's something to be thankful for! Barring any serious health issues that arise that I can not see coming...I am pretty healthy, just living in a body that is starting to show some wear and tear : ). My mother was in her 60s when she had bariatric surgery. I didn't think she was very overweight, but she did and some doctor agreed to do the surgery despite her age. She is thin now, but also VERY frail. It aged her so very much and she has had all kinds of health problems following it. They told her losing the weight would make her healthy. Now they tell her that she is malnourished and suffering because she is too thin. I would rather have a bigger tummy and flabby arms, but be vibrant and healthy when I'm 80 versus thin and sickly! :)

Wow Tracie! You are so right! Being happy is important too and just cuz you want to drink a glass of wine (or two;)) instead of a glass of water doesn't mean you are bad or hate yourself or need to see a therapist...just means you want a good glass of wine! ,;)

Um, yeah. This makes sense and is not just therapy mumbo jumbo. Talking to myself here: wanting the results without the effort is definitely a childlike attitude. Talking to both of us here: However, having a childlike attitude about one area of your life sometimes doesn't mean there aren't parts of your life that aren't worthy of celebration. There are a lot of not only unhealthy, but downright dangerous behaviors and attitudes that we are not partaking in. And we work hard and love our families and vote and . . . you get the idea.

adult vs child.... I'm not sure that's entirely correct. As an "adult", we have to deal with stress, time constraints, stress, balance issues, stress.... We all have to find a way to deal with that stress. For many of us, it is to indulge in that chocolate or glass of wine. For many others, it's drugs, alcohol, smoking, gambling, or a myriad of other not-so-great things. I don't think that every person who is not perfect at dealing with the world is acting like a child. Sometimes you can be strong and confident for 23 1/2 hours a day and you just either can't anymore because of exhaustion or too much temptation. Should we find less unhealthy ways of dealing with life? Sure, I'm not arguing there, but I think it's about making better choices, not about being childish. If to be an adult, you made nothing but perfect choices, there would only be a handful of adults in the world. After all, I've seen children make better choices than adults.

There has to be a balance between dieting and living. If you enjoy a glass of wine, then you have to allow youself one now and again or you will feel deprived all the time, and that's noway to live your life.

I think 120 is a very low weight. You are not a fat person. You exercise a lot, you eat healthy, you occasionally drink a glass of wine or eat some crisps. You sound pretty normal to me.

I hear you on that one. I think I have made the mistake in the past of thinking my therapist expects nothing less than 100% adult behavior from me (and actually I think thats what she wants me to shoot for.) As far as my marriage goes, Ive seen that this is the only way Im going to make it work. However, now that I went and brought up food issues with her, well… Im having a much harder time with this idea.

"With all the inspirational reading I've been doing lately, I've been trying to look at the relationship between taking full responsibility for the things I want to change and the idea of being enough as I am."

This is such a frustrating balance to figure out. I don't know if I'll ever "get it". I am always never good enough.

Life is hard, being an adult can sometimes really suck. I can relate to so many of the posts above and I just wanted to share this quote that brings me back to the simplicity of what really matters...

‎"You've been provided with a perfect body to house your soul for a few brief moments in eternity. So regardless of its size, shape, color, or any infirmities, you can honor the temple that houses you by eating healthfully, exercising, listening to your body's needs, and treating it with dignity and love." - Dr. Wayne Dyer

This resonated with me too. I really, really am acting like a child when it comes to food.

We bought a house this spring, and I've come to terms with having to stay home some weekends because there is house and garden work to be done - because we're actual grown-ups now - why is it so hard to treat my body with the same respect?

I get caught up in the same sort of thing. Can I be content and accepting of who I am, AND also push myself to change for the better? The answer ought to be an uncomplicated "yes!" . . . but usually it's a very, very complicated and confused "yes?"

Cathy when I started watching the video message for the July prompt I almost fell out of the chair. I had a discussion similar to this last week with my WW leader. When is it time to say enough. I am never going to be on the low end of the range they have me in, I cannot do it, I have almost 20 years on you and it is hard, I push to exercise more every day and get no place. That being said by eating smaller portions I have dropped about 6lbs in the last 3 weeks, so we agreed that what ever my weight is (under the 155) at the end of July is my goal weight

The hardest thing about this whole dang health + fitness thing is that there is only one person responsible: you.

I can choose to ignore mixing up routine. Choose to eat crap. Choose to pretend to work out hard but really know in my head I'm not pushing it. Choose to skip weight and strength training and just do easy cardio.

Or I can choose to be my own Wonder Woman. I can choose to be superhero in training. There will be injury or bad days sure, but that's ok too.

And I can choose how to feel about that, and what to do about that each and every day.

This completely resonates with me. Trying to figure out how to be more of an adult. I'm 36 & find myself in a vicious cycle of eating good & exercising & then just stopping & undoing all the good. You are not whining & I appreciate your honesty.

I totally hear you! My struggle is that I'm "the adult" in every other stinking way in my life, and it's hugely stressful. I'm a single mom and I champion what's best for my kids and go to work every day even when it's brutal and make dinner and (on and on and on). Food is the one way I "allow myself" to do basically whatever feels good. I know - bad bad bad. Because you *know* where that leads to. :-/

But if I wait until {everything else} isn't so stressful, unpleasant, demanding, etc., I'll be 105 before I get on top of the eating issues. So...why do I keep putting it off? Because I haven't figured out a better way to "reward myself" and I can't stand to face all the challenges in my life without those rewards. So I need to do that, right? Sigh...

Ring a ding ding! This totally rings all my bells - I'm in the same boat with more than just my health and exercise. Being a grown up is hard and takes constant work - I think we never really get clear direction on how to do it either we're all just figuring it out as we go and sometimes have the help of a therapist or good friend. Hang in there and thank you for helping me and many more people than you realize along the way. I think you're doing a great job - being honest to yourself and others counts way more than the number on the scale in my book.

Right now my body hurts in a few places that make it really hard to walk. This year has been a year of dealing with some grief, an emotion fairly new to me. (yeah, new at 67!) My former yoga teacher always said, keep describing the pain and you'll see the message. Well I told a friend that with one kneee hurting and the other ankle hurting, I felt like I couldn't walk or move forward.She asked me ...Well then? and I got it. The only thing that really doesn't hurt is to rest and sit still.

While I am going to see a podiatrist about the heel, I listened to my body, and I'm doing a lot of sitting still. Interestingly, I'm not hungry - not even for the junky stuff (most of the time!).

Cathy,
I've been reading your blog for a couple years now. I find a lot of similarities in the struggles we face in life. You are very hard on yourself. You inspire A LOT of people (myself included) with your blog and your courage to be real, honest and open. You are a talented writer and scrapbooker extraordinaire. Don't forget to give yourself credit for what you are doing right. HAVING a goal and enjoying the journey is way more important in the road to happiness than actually achieving the goal. I can recommend a book to you that I just finished reading. It's required reading for the certificate program in positive psychology that I begin next week. The book is called Being Happy: You Don't Have to Be Perfect to Lead a Richer, Happier Life by Tal Ben-Shahar. It provides concrete steps to take in overcoming perfectionism and working toward happiness and life satisfaction. Remember no matter where you are on your quest to be fit or in relationships it all comes down to simply: it is what it is. :) Thank you for sharing all you do, it's nice to know we are not alone on this ride.

Quote: "Does any of this resonate with you? Or does it just feel like a bunch of therapy-fueled mumbo jumbo?"

Oh man does it ever resonate! For me, it's not just about diet and exercise, but nearly every phase of my life. I feel like I've always *had* to be an adult and now that I'm well into being an adult chronologically, I sometimes find myself classically stamping my feet like a 3 year saying, "NO! I don't want to!" When I allow that 3 year old self to take the reins, my life turns upside down and causes more havoc than the norm. And then I look around me with a "now what?" look on my face. I *hate* that I go there because I *know* where it leads, yet I will still make the choice to go there at times.

I think that was brilliantly well said Cathy. i appreciate your reality...it overlaps with mine. the fact that you so searingly share your heart on a given day allows me to relate on a very human level vs how many blogs read so cheery that they seem fake'ish.

i haven't perceive your words as wining but instead as a journey to the place you (me too) would like to automatically live from, inside. one that guides you well without having to struggle quite so intensely.

i hope you keep writing your truth just the way it comes out. YOUR WORDS ARE A GIFT TO ME. your words seep into some place inside me that isn't impossible...like: if she can challenge herself to the hard changes, so can i.

i'm right here on my parallel journey with you. your words help me understand my journey in a much more comprehensive way. i'm glad i found your blog!!!

Try listening to that therapist when you are ageing and shrinking an inch or more and so the BMI gets worse even when you maintain your weight. I just said to heck with it as my husband who is a body builder said that the BMI has never been any more realistic then the old weight charts were. When you eat correctly and move everyday, that is your natural weight.

Sometimes I feel like you live in my head. But putting that aside for the moment, I think part of adulthood is accepting who you are and what you do, complete with the knowledge that you dion't always make the right choices. Over the past few years, my BMI and I have had a see-saw relationship. I have accepted the fact that I am an emotional eater and that that ice cream isn't really going to make me feel better...but sometimes I eat it anyway damnit! My husband has been battling cancer for over 4 years, and has his health fluxuates, so does my weight. Even though I know how important my own health is, I do make excuses to myself. I'm just not sure those excuses make me less of an adult. I know what I need to do to be healthy...move more and eat less, but I don't do those things every day. I try to do them more often than not. And I still feel like a grown up.

I'm going with the 'therapy-fulled mumbo jumbo. I have lost about half of the poundage that I am aiming for under the MMEW forum, but refuse to beat myself up or to join adulthood to lose a few pounds. I have about 12 more pounds to reach my goal and if I have to do it one day at a time, so be it. I have carried most of this extra weight since I quit smoking 10 years ago. (I still pat myself on the back for that one.)I like wine (and whining) and cheese to go along with both. I may cut back on all things that are not so good for me, but will certainly not give them up. It's so cliche, but what is on the inside is so much more important than what is on the outside. You have done so much for hundreds (maybe thousands) of individuals, whether it be through your blog or through your MMEW inspirational messages, you hit home to so, so many and I thank you.

"...before we can be what we are meant to be, we must accept what we are not....the instant we can accept what is not in our nature, rather than being distracted by all we think we could or should be, then all our inner resources are free to transform us into the particular self we are aching to be."

This could apply to so many areas of a person's life. I just had to share.

Great Post and I'm TOTALLY on the same page. I go between what is right and what I can justify. As always, thank you for being so honest. Great job on sticking with your goals, you are teaching your children good things!

Your therapist sounds like a fascinating woman - passionate, living in the moment, tasting life right off the vine... I think it would be quite something to enjoy a quirky independent French film in her company, perhaps while sipping sparkling water and nibbling on nourishing, nutrient-dense foods.

And that's the difference, isn't it? Being a kid means someone else is making decisions for you. Being an adult means making them yourself, and it gets tiring and occasionally we make a decision that could have been better. Always making bad decisions is a problem, but occasionally is human.

I can certainly see where she would set the bar high. There is truth to the saying about the more you expect, the more you will get. Since it is a consistant theme, perhaps she simply wants you to think that you, as an adult, are in control of your decisions, even your decisions about food and excercise. By linking both issues, you can feel as though you are fighting one battle instead of two: all actions are the result of adult decisions. I am by no means perfect - simply try to make more good decisions than bad ones and hope that it will become easier to make good ones the more I make it a conscious decision.

I certainly wish you the best on your journey, especially your marriage - that is ultimately the most important!!! ...in my thoughts and prayers today...

Cathy,
I love this whole post. I need to grow up in my food choices and my financial decisions too. It can be really hard to get past the instant gratification.
I don't want to sound like an infomercial, but I've been doing a 60-day workout program that is sold on an infomercial, and I am so in love with it. It feels amazing to push myself all the way to my limits and know I survived. I think most people live their lives trying to avoid hard work, but in the end it's the only thing that brings us true happiness.
If you were to take on one of these "extreme" workout programs, I don't doubt you'd see changes in your body, plus that amazing feeling of I was an adult today and THEN SOME! I'm on day 37 and I've seen great improvements in my endurance and strength. Just a thought!

I don't think this is therapy humbug. I'm struggling with all these adult decisions & being responsible for myself as well. But in the end, I guess nothing that's worth having comes easy.
Best wishes from sunny Germany!

Ha! Good for you, Cathy. The videos arent all rah rah you can do it! but they will just get you thinking. Believe me, sometimes when Im in a funk over all of this, its really hard to think about recording a video that will inspire others!

Whether BMI charts are accurate or not, I don't need one to tell me my clothes are tighter than they used to be, and when I glance in the mirror, I'm definitely seeing more where there used to be less.

I try reminding myself at those moments that this is not a good feeling, and NOT worth that ice cream cone I was pondering. But when the ice cream is in front of me, and everyone else is indulging, it's hard to remember how I KNOW I'll feel 10 minutes after the ice cream is gone - defeated and heavy with guilt. Why can't I say no thanks, and feel so powerful and strong for having said it, instead of feeling sorry for myself for 'missing out'?? THAT is what I'm working on.

I'm doing Insanity, my husband is doing P90X. I was really skeptical at first, but both programs seem really well-designed and both can be modified according to your fitness level. I love that it's totally already structured for me, so all I have to do is push play and then do as much as I can. Just ignore the commercials at the end of the videos for the supplements and protein shake-type thingies. :)

This totally resonated with me... wow. I gave up dairy in May because I was making myself sick every single freakin' day. And you know what, I've been being child like lately, sneaking a piece of cheese in here and there and justifying it with "if I don't have it in my coffee to start the reaction I'm fine." Damn freakin' slippery slope. I thank you for calling me on it!

Wow...I was about to type almost those exact comments! I get hung-up on how easy it is for other people to be thin / stay thin. But all this really does is distract me from getting thin myself. Somehow being an adult on this subject means accepting the cards I've been dealt and moving forward. Can't move forward if I keep staring at my past (when I was thin) or those to my right or left on this journey.
And Cathy, please keep sharing. We can all relate to the struggle, and it is encouraging to be in it together.

Cathy, just read this post and wanted to say thank you. I am 48 (ouch) and have NEVER felt grown up. I'm 48 for goodness sake! I have been overweight all my life and have recently lost 30lb in a very mature and focused way, but have recently started to self sabotage. Not very mature because after all, it is ME that wants to lose the weight. I have another 60lb to go and want to achieve as much as possible this year.

My point is that I hadn't really made the connection until reading your post. I am in control OF me, FOR me and it is up to me! Keeping this in mind might just be the catalyst for change.

Cathy, thank you for posting this. Your weight loss has been such an inspiration to me; I had not read your blog for many, many months and when I came back to it a year or so ago you had lost all that weight. I was so awed by your determination and ability to stick with it - but wasn't ready myself. Now I am. I will be 55 this month, am 50 pounds overweight, and last week I joined WW. I plan to keep you "close" on my journey...after all, reading you costs me 0 points and a shitload of inspiration and creativity! Thank you so for your honesty re your ups and downs on your body (and soul) issues; it keeps front and center that life is work - whether physical, psychological, or emotional - and it's often all three at the same time. But it's not ALL work - and I so love reading about you and your family and the fun that you have together. You are a hoot, girl! Don't ever be such an ADULT as to lose the fab sense of fun that you possess. I know, I know...not the same. Have a great Independence Day! And Thank You!

I hear you. This reminded me of a weight loss attempt 3 years ago. It was a severe program monitored by my medical group. The nurse practicioner asked what my goal weight was. I told her a number off a chart that I felt was healthy. She said to me, "You know, charts don't tell a complete story. You are unique."
It's no fun being an adult. LOL

Thank you Lynne, I often check Cathy's blog - I love all the inspiration from both her and her readers. I really loved this comment about being mean to me... my word this year (for One Little WOrd with Ali Edwards) is Mindful, I chose it because of my relationship with my daughter but I really need to be mindful of me, and not be so mean to me. Thank you again for your wisdoma nd sharing.

I find it so difficult to say no to little treats! I've never had problems with my weight, but am trying to cut back on sugar and fat as I get older. I have a family history (both sides!) of diabetes, which means I have to be more careful. It's sometimes really tough to say no....especially when you've had a bad day or you're tired etc. But you're so close to your ideal BMI!

I can so relate, Cathy. About 3 years ago, several things pushed me to make the decision to finally get healthier... not skinny, but healthy. Since that time, I dropped 72 lbs. Then gained 3. Then lost them again. Then gained 5. I have realized that this is a struggle I will have all my life; it will never end because this girl likes to eat and drink. Period. I have given myself a 5 lb limit - when I've gained back 5, it is is time to regroup and get back on track (and that's where I am right now, getting back on track). Best of luck to you!

Maybe, since you seem to do well with therapy you could benefit from a dietitian and a personal trainer. If you can't be accountable to yourself, maybe these professionals can give you new tools to help you on your journey. It couldn't hurt to try something new if you aren't seeing the results you want on your own. There's nothing wrong in asking for help.

wow ... this is spot on for so many areas of ones life ... it's the child we're feeding ... not the adult ... WOW! this is a great wake up for me this morning ;-)

not sure where this came from (or if I have it totally right), but I try to remind myself of this: there is a mean, vicious tiger inside of each of us - there is also a loving, nice tiger in there - and they are both hungry - which one is going to win? the one you feed! (figuratively I'm sure)

this is all a process - a process through life in finding balance and what works on any given day or period

thanks so much for sharing everything you're going through - your experience has been a positive thing for me!!!

I started running because I was following you here as a scrapbook lady. I read the book you read and thought to myself, "if she can do it, so can I." And I did. That was 18 months ago.
With two friends (who also read the book that I passed on to them) I ran my second half-marathon on Saturday (though I nearly died in the process--who knew it was actually possible to be allergic to running) and I owe you a deep debt of gratitude for that inspiration.
It's a constant battle (shin splints and wobbly knees and hives) and a daily re-commitment (my bed is soooo soft at 6 am,) and I thank you for sharing the highs and the lows of figuring it all out.
Mwah . . . Kari

Hi Cathy, I can really connect with your comments and I thank you for your honesty. Also, I think you are seriously giving yourself a hard time. I was well on my way to "goal" last year when I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, that has taken over my life for the past 14 months and now I'm in remission and back to finish what I started. The past two years I have already lost 22kgs (approx 48 pounds) and I have about 10kgs plus left to lose (approx 22 pounds)but I now have physical restrictions I didn't used to have and I have to get my "thinking" back on track. I guess it's time to be a grown up and get on with it :) I wish you well. Nerissa

Maybe time for more balance in your approach to fitness? Less about the numbers and more about enjoying what you're doing/eating/feeling? Fitness really is about how you feel, I think, cuz no one's proven it makes you live longer. Maybe focus on what you enjoy - just slightly bigger dabs of the good stuff (long walks with your kids?) and smaller dabs of the "bad" stuff - half a glass of really good red wine? Just sayin' - you're not going to stick to it if it's not fun.

maybe your inner child is trying to tell you something and you need to listen to her . . .

Every printer can be weird sometimes, but…. if you have your print setting set to Edge to Edge or Bleed it will make everything bigger on the card. For example, if I send a 3 x 4 card file to print on a 4 x 6 piece of photo paper, and set it to BORDERLESS PHOTO, everything will print larger, to accommodate for that edge to edge bleed. Hope this helps!