I’m not going to lie, I’ve been feeling rather disconnected lately… which has ultimately led to my lack of verbal-digital-diarrhea.

While the past few years I’ve went through a number of growing pains in getting to know myself, the last few months have been even more intense… in a good way.

I’m not one that usually gets stuck for words… but it’s rather hard to put into words in a way that the vast majority of the population would understand, so for that reason I’ve kept a lot of things to myself… at least until I publish my book… (so far I have the page numbers started!!)

I guess to best describe it all – would be summed up as a ‘spiritual awakening’.

Stay with me here…

‘Spiritual’, however, should never be confused with the term ‘religious’… I will be the first to proclaim my distaste for what is nothing more than a corrupt, money grubbing, brainwashing organization.

Anyway…

That being said, I seem to have found myself living in a higher state of consciousness.

Huh?! Me?!

I know, right? <Insert wtf here>

Those that do know what that means will understand perfectly.

I’ve always had an acute level of awareness and intuition, though in the past while it’s been intensified. There’s a number of people and events that led me to where my mind resides now – but trying to explain those in anything less writing a novel or three would be impossible. Much of it started when I started seeing the numbers ’11:11′ popping up more often than what could be considered coincidental… which ultimately captured my attention. However, that is a story all in itself.

Regardless…

So much of what I know about myself has changed to the degree that when I look back at some of the earlier posts when I first began this blog – I don’t even recognize the person who wrote them.

I’ve thought about removing this blog completely – as the person that began writing about dating disasters is not the same as the person that writes this… perhaps only in a physical sense… but then again going back and reading lets me witness my own growth.

It’s ironic… when I started writing this blog, it was entirely based off the ‘ego’ as well as my past.

The best way I can describe a ‘spiritual awakening’ would be as the dissolving of the ego… or at least putting it to sleep. We all need a little bit of ‘ego’ to get by in a tough world. However, there is the letting go of fear, stress and toxic feelings like jealousy or anger. Letting go of your past. One becomes more connected to nature and energy and learns the ability to manifest their thoughts into physical form. (I have had some pretty astounding experiences with this… to the point where some might consider ‘unbelievable’… also saving for the book!)

A spiritual awakening brings about a state of ‘zen’… and who doesn’t like zen?! Especially when you can achieve it legally!

One begins to understand synchronicities and the adopts the knowingness that every single thing is connected. One also loses the ability to pass judgement on others… which is why I find reading some of my earlier posts rather unsettling. Let’s face it, my entire collection of writing was based off judging others… something that I don’t have the ability to do anymore.

Those that have been through an ‘awakening’ will understand all of this, and those that don’t… it’s an amazing feeling and I hope you get to experience it.

That’s where the feeling of disconnection comes into play. At least for me. I haven’t watched television in months, there’s not much interest there for me, and I find very little value in it (unless of course, there’s a football game on). Then we have Social Media… I love social media and the ability to network and connect with others… however, I browse around and the vast majority of it is full of meaningless garbage and people who spend 90% of their time talking about other people or complaining about something.

I find it draining.

It’s disheartening to think about how conditioned we are to pay attention to everyone else, and that many of us use it as ‘entertainment’. We pay attention to others problems and faults rather than our own. We turn to others ‘drama’ to step away from our own deep rooted issues. And once we’ve done that… we don’t hold back on making judgments on others based off no real knowledge of the person… and for some reason it makes us feel better(I’ve been a huge culprit of this in the past). Of course not everyone does this, but I can certainly think of a few off the top of my head.

And furthermore, our egos are more concerned with how everyone else thinks or feels about us rather that who we are at the core. We are concerned with ‘things’… material things, trivial things… all the kinds of things that in the grand scheme of ‘things’ don’t really matter.

Humans are the only animals on the planet that seek happiness with ‘things’. But true happiness works from the inside out… not outwardly in.

The universe is infinite, intelligent, and there is so much more to life than living behind the shadow of an ego. There is more than most of us will ever understand.

All ‘dating disasters’ aside, I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been since kicking my ego to the curb.