One Unfortunate Country Has Completely Run Out of Toilet Paper

The number one problem in Venezuela is figuring out how to go number two. The South American country has been vexed with the worst thing that can happen to any society – it’s dealing with a toilet paper shortage.

To fend off the impending disaster, Venezuela is importing 50 million rolls of tissue papered goodness that will be a relief to citizens, not to mention their otherwise chafed backsides.

As for why the country is suddenly looking at a scarcity of tushy aid, economists claim price controls intended to help citizens afford the most basic necessities are responsible. Sure, blame the poor people. That’s what Republicans do, right?

President Nicolas Maduro says anti-government powers are to blame, while the nation’s commerce minister said the shortage is due to “excessive demand” that stems from “a media campaign that has been generated to disrupt the country.” Um, what? This guy sounds crazier than someone who elects not to use seat covers in a bus depot. And he’s the president. Imagine how irate the regular people must be.

Until this mess is taken care of, we wish the people of Venezuela well holding it in. And we also wish them the wisdom not to eat any Mexican food.