Friday, November 29, 2013

Drama... decried by many, disliked by most. What
is it? Why does ithappen? Is all of it bad? Can it be avoided? In
this brief article, I willattempt to offer some answers to these
questions.

In this context, drama usually refers to an
expression or behavior that is"over the top" emotionally. The common
emotions involved are anger,jealousy, and sadness. Someone expressing a
great deal of joy is rarelydescribed as a "drama queen", but
sometimes even moderate levels ofsadness may be so labeled. Perhaps the most
common "drama" in SL relatesto relationships, usually romantic or sexual in
nature. Even there,different people will see things in different
ways. One person mayidentify emotions as drama where another sees
reasonable levels ofemotion. For the purposes of this article, let's
assume we are describingemotional expressions and behaviors that are so
intense as to be likely tobe seen as "drama" by most anyone in
SL.

Why do people get so emotionally bound up? What
could lead someone toexperience that kind of distress in SL? SL is an
interesting place in thatit affords a combination of intimacy with
anonymity and physical safety.People (and it IS always people behind the avatars)
are able to engage inactivities and relationships that would, in RL,
be far beyond theircomfort zone in terms of risk and potential
harm. Under these conditions,it is easy for people to underestimate how
mentally and emotionallyinvolved they can become. The signals and RL
conditions that mightotherwise prevent them from getting too caught
up in a situation are notpresent. Every avatar is the expression of a RL
person who comes to SLloaded with all of their RL intellectual and emotional
baggage. Add to allof this the fact that communications within SL
are not as robust as RLcommunications (lacking as they do so many
elements of verbal andnon-verbal communication routine in RL) and the
potential for someonegetting into a deep hole of emotional pain and
misunderstanding looms large.

There are many ways that drama can develop. It
might be a misunderstandingand a perceived insult leading to anger and a
desire for retaliation. Itcould be an emotional attachment to someone who
decides for whateverreason not to start or, if started, not to
continue the relationshipleading to hurt, anger, jealousy and sadness. It
could even be someonecoming to SL in the hope of achieving something
missing from their RLexistence who becomes frustrated, depressed and
discouraged in theattempt. There are at least as many ways for
someone to get caught up inan emotional storm in SL as there are for them
to do so in RL. Losingcontrol in an emotional storm is not a sign of
mental deficiency orweakness, but rather an indication of how
profound their experience is forthem. Sometimes the best response to someone's
drama is compassion andunderstanding. If that fails, then avoiding the
drama is a next option.

What might someone do to avoid drama in SL? Many
strategies are used. Somefeel that there is a measure of safety achieved
by removing aspects of theanonymity of SL. They may insist on some kind of
proof that the other is aknown entity. Others feel that safety is
achieved in precisely theopposite manner, by reinforcing the anonymity of
SL, the barrier betweenthe RL person and the SL avatar. Both are right,
and both are wrong. The methods may reduce some of the risk of drama,
but neither will eliminateit.

The simple method of putting "NO
DRAMA" in one's profile is oftenused, and disregarded by some, respected by some
and mocked by some. Youcan put a "Please do not walk on the
grass" sign on your yard, but itstill requires the other person to honor the
request. Some, ironically,respond to any perceived drama with anger and
hostility, thus creatingsome additional drama of their own. Personally,
I believe that the singlemost effective and functional way to avoid drama
in SL is to both practicenon-drama in one's own behavior and to
"walk away" from unwelcome dramathat appears in others. Unlike RL, SL offers its
users a "mute" option...the ability to neither see nor hear an unwelcome
other. Sadly, there is noequivalent option for muting our own emotional
outbursts, but we can try.