On December 24, I headed to the post office near closing time to see if a package had arrived. I was waiting on a box with a couple of gifts I had purchased for my brothers. I noticed that, when I checked my mail box, I had a key in it, which meant that I had a package in an even larger mail box waiting for me.

I opened it, but it wasn’t the box I was expecting. It was a different box and it was from one of my moderators on KarateForums.com, named Danielle. I wasn’t expecting anything, so it came as a total surprise.

After I made it home, I opened the box to find a card and an assortment of goodies from the United Kingdom, where Danielle lives. Along with a kind note, there were Jaffa Cakes, a Galaxy bar, Tesco Jam Roly Poly Toffees, Sprinty Kinder Surprise, a Cadbury Dairy Milk bar and more. All of which I have never had.

Over the many years that I have managed online communities, I have had a lot of moderators. But, even with the wide variety of people on my staff, I have had the support of my moderators with pretty much every decision I have made. Of course, there are rare exceptions, but they are so rare that it’s hard to recall specific examples.

Most decisions are fairly simple. This person is a spammer, ban them. But then there are more challenging ones, with veteran members. No matter what, though, my staff tends to be supportive of the moves that I make, especially when it comes to banning people.

This is not something I take for granted. It is something I deeply appreciate and work hard to earn and justify.

Moderators moderate in the way that the community manager guides them to. Typically this is through policies (community guidelines), staff manuals (moderator guidelines) and documentation of member violations. Even when a well-meaning moderator makes a mistake, they make that mistake because they believe it is what the community manager wanted. It’s all part of being a team. Great moderators move as a unit.

In the course of handling these duties, they will encounter criticism and be a first point of contact for it because they are in direct contact with members. They are the ones telling a member why they can’t do something.

I believe that one of the really good functions that a community manager can serve, in relation to their moderators, is being the recipient of any serious criticism that a member has for how a moderator is operating. I mean, moderators can answer questions and moderators can explain some things, but when it comes to serious criticism of a decision (or worse), I want to deal with that.

Once in a while, someone will pop into my community and ask members to fill out some survey. If the first time I hear of you and your survey is from reading a public post that you made in the community, that is not a good look for you.

I’m fairly protective of the community when it comes to people taking advantage of them. While our members are a great resource, the community doesn’t exist to fill out surveys for people. If you wish to utilize the community in this way, you really should ask the manager first and receive permission for doing so.

It’s a courteous, respectful thing to do. You don’t want to assume that your request is acceptable and if you post it and it is not, it’ll be removed. If your request is appropriate, having the stamp of approval from the manager can help you to get more responses as members know that it is alright.

The idea for it was planted back in June, when Heidi (ninjanurse on the community) marked 10 years as a member of my staff. I have been managing forums for more than 13 years and I have never had a staff member that experienced that type of longevity. It is very impressive. As such, I decided that we would honor her again when we hit 500,000 posts.

You’ve probably heard about Miley Cyrus performance at the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday. No need to rehash it.

I find that things like this bring out the worst in people. People, who otherwise will act normal, take to the internet and say things that they’d never say to Cyrus’ face or to a complete stranger. They are outraged and offended by something that doesn’t really impact them in any way. But the internet gives them a voice and so they use it.

My Facebook stream was full of it, as yours probably was, too (if you use Facebook). I had things to do and don’t really have any opinion on Miley Cyrus. If she posts on Twitter that online forums are dead, maybe I’ll need to weigh in. Otherwise? I’d much rather tell you that I thought Drake’s performance was great and get back to work.

Bar Rescue is a television show where Jon Taffer, a bar and nightclub consultant, tries to help bars that are struggling financially. I was watching an episode on Monday about a bar in Raleigh, in my home state of North Carolina.

The manager of the bar did numerous things I’d never tolerate, from a moderator or a bar manager, but most of these actions were simply unprofessional behavior that the owner seemed to be aware of, but just didn’t care. They weren’t dishonest, not if the bar owner knew about them.

There was one thing, however, that stood out because it was dishonest. Taffer noticed that there was tape over stickers from the state’s Alcoholic Beverage Control (ABC) commission. Taffer suggested that the reason that the manager had done this was so that the stickers wouldn’t wear, which would make the bottles appear older. Why would he want to do that?

It was on this day 10 years ago that Heidi joined the staff of KarateForums.com. 8 years, 1 month and 2 days of this she has spent as a Sensei. To put this in perspective, KarateForums.com itself has been online for 12 years, 3 weeks and 6 days.

An escalation policy for your moderators outlines what situations need special handling and what should occur when they are identified. For an example, see the BBC’s policy.

The idea is that some things simply transcend normal, everyday issues. Suicide threats, grooming of children, etc. When they are identified what should happen? That’s what an escalation policy is. What action should a moderator take?

That action might simply be referring it to someone else in your organization who is more specifically trained for these issues. It might mean referring it to the administrator or community manager. Or it might mean sending relevant details to an outside party, such as the police. This will vary by your community, country, the size of the organization and what your lawyers tell you to do (if you have lawyers).

I don’t allow anyone to treat my staff members in a disrespectful manner. I will accept slightly more abuse when it is directed at me, then I will when it is directed at my staff. This is part of building a tight knit, loyal team.

But I think it is worthwhile to separate what it means to treat people with respect, as opposed to liking someone, agreeing with them or actually respecting them.

Those three things, you have no control over and it is important to remember that. People decide whether to like, agree or respect someone on their own. You can influence that, but it is not your choice. What you can ensure is that members treat your staff in a respectful way, especially when they are on your community.