A New Jersey democrat is using her political muscle to force citizens across the state to register their bicycles with the Division of Motor Vehicles. The ridiculous maneuver would help the state offset its $10 billion budget deficit by enforcing a $10 per license plate fee and fines up to $100 for those, including children, caught riding unregistered bikes.

Assemblywoman Cleopatra Tucker (D-Essex) said balancing the state’s budget isn’t her motivation for the outlandish proposal; it’s protecting senior citizens from getting run over by kids on bikes.

Affixing license plates to every bicycle in the state would help these vulnerable senior citizens identify and rattle off the license plate numbers from the kids’ bikes to the police, ensuring the rascals are brought to justice, says Tucker.

Tucker’s proposal has been met with opposition by a diverse group of interests including bicyclists, environmentalists, business owners and even her own colleagues in the State House.

“That’s an outrage, for sure,” said Paige Hiemier, vice-president of the New Jersey Bike & Walk Coalition. “Basically, it’s outrageous for a number of reasons, and most of them are: Who is the legislation aimed at? Who’s going to administer it? How are they going to pay for it? Who’s going to stop the bicyclists and check their registration?”

Starting Feb. 1, every restaurant in Mass. will be forced to employ at least one “certified food protection manager.” Among the many duties to be assumed by the state-mandated food cops will be teaching fellow staff about “washing hands with soap and water and not hand sanitizer, and wiping food preparation areas, table tops and highchairs with commercial-strength cleaners.”

The most important task ahead, say proponents of the mandatory food safety initiative, is preventing patrons with food allergies from being poisoned or killed by their meals. The newly enlisted food protection managers will be responsible for personally serving every ‘special needs’ patron while teaching fellow servers and kitchen staff how to avoid contaminating plates with allergens.

“Restaurants are also encouraged to make simpler dishes by avoiding ingredients that hide allergens, like some mollusks and shellfish, barley and rye,” reports Boston’s WCVB-TV. “Currently, federal law does not require ‘minor’ allergens to be clearly listed on food labels.”

Got that? Thanks to the new law, chefs will be “encouraged” to alter their signature recipes that they’ve crafted for the vast majority of patrons who do not have food allergies.

Simply posting warnings on menus about potential food allergens contained in dishes would make too much sense and force those with food allergies to actually pay attention to what they choose to consume. This way, they can not be held responsible for getting sick — it’s the restaurants and chefs who will be blamed and sued for poisoning them. Talk about a ‘Happy Meal’ for trial lawyers!

An effort to cut down on the number of homeless pets in one Texas city has prompted officials to slap pet owners with a $75 sin tax to help deter their furry friends from breeding. Failure to register your pet’s new litter within 14 days “could result in fines and penalties,” states El Paso’s new animal ordinance.

City officials have also limited dogs and cats to 2 planned or unplanned pregnancies a year in an effort to prevent shelters from being overwhelmed. Professional breeders complain that the city’s crackdown on careless pet owners unfairly punishes their responsible businesses that provide in-demand pets to welcoming new homes.

El Paso Animal Services received $250,000 from the city council to step-up its enforcement efforts that will include monitoring newspapers and other media to ensure citizens selling puppies and kittens have registered their new litters and paid the sin tax for their pets’ intentional or unintentional ‘romantic encounters.’

Here’s a story that should make your head spin: Officials at an elementary school in N.J. say the best way to ensure young children steer clear of drugs is to make them afraid of being randomly drug tested:

A proposal to conduct random drug tests of young students in one New Jersey town is raising some eyebrows.

Students at Belvidere Elementary School could be adding drug testing to their list of lessons when they move into middle school.

The Board of Education will vote Wednesday on a plan to randomly test sixth, seventh and eighth graders to see if they are under the influence of drugs. School administrators said they were confident the proposal would pass.

Elementary School Principal Sandra Szabocsik said school officials want to use the testing “as a deterrent.”

“We’re hoping that the students if they’re at say a party or someone’s house or just hanging out somewhere, that they’ll say ‘I don’t want to get involved in drinking or using any drug because tomorrow could be a drug testing day,'” she told CBS 2′s Christine Sloan.

The program is voluntary and both parents and students must consent. School officials said it was important to note that if a student tested positive, they would not be suspended or have the results sent to the police.

Instead, those students would get counseling or even be referred to a rehab facility …

Wouldn't it be nice if U.S. border agents did an equally amazing job catching terrorists, drug smugglers, and those criminal elements hell-bent on illegally infiltrating our nation's porous borders?

Just when you thought catching terrorists, drug smugglers and illegal alien invaders were among the top priorities of the U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) agency, there comes news from the Canadian border that agents have also been tasked with confiscating kids’ contraband candy.

Linda Bird, a Canadian woman who recently attempted enter the U.S., was stunned when CBP agents seized a $2 chocolate egg that has been deemed a “choking hazard” by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The confection marketed towards children is commonly know across the globe as a “Kinder Surprise,” and contains a small toy safely embedded inside a chocolate covered plastic shell.

Canadian health officials have repeatedly said they are not concerned about the potential for youngsters to choke on the tiny toys hidden inside the eggs because the plastic shells are difficult for children of any age to open, especially toddlers that simply do not have the manual dexterity required.

Across the border in the Nanny States of America, the FDA and CBP remain committed to ensuring that contraband candy eggs never infiltrate our nation’s northern border and needlessly put a single American child’s life at risk.

“The U.S. takes catching illegal Kinder candy seriously, judging by the number of them they’ve confiscated in the last year,” reports the Canadian Broadcasting Company (CBC). “Officials said they’ve seized more than 25,000 of the treats in 2,000 separate seizures.”

International confectioner, Ferrero, introduced the Kinder Surprise in 1974, and since then, more than 30 billion eggs have safely been devoured by children across the globe. In fact, Ferrero notes on its website that it has taken extra precautions to ensure that “Kinder Surprise toys are designed and developed with safety in mind, rigorously observing international regulations as well as extra safety criteria voluntarily adopted by the Ferrero Group.”

Despite a thriving global market for a seemingly innocent and safe confection that has yet to be threatened with extinction by a frivolous class action lawsuit in any nation, the Kinder Surprise remains on the CBP’s list of items that, if found being smuggled in to the U.S., could result in a $300 fine and legal headaches.

Accused Kinder Surprise ‘smuggler,’ Bird, said she recently received a “seven-page letter” from the U.S. government asking her to “formally authorize the destruction of her seized Kinder egg” or pay $250 for it to be put in storage while legal matters are pursued.

“I thought it was a joke,” Bird said. “I had to read it twice. But they are serious.”

Do you support CBP’s silent crackdown on contraband candy or prefer they stick to performing the agency’s “priority mission of keeping terrorists and their weapons out of the U.S.?”

It looks like motorists in Tacoma, Wash., have a tough dilemma on their hands. Do they respect the parking laws of the city or the wishes of Subway?

“I’m wondering if Subway is sending these out and trying to override municipal parking regulations all across the nation,” asks ‘Justin,’ who submitted the image of dueling parking signs to Consumerist.com.