Flyout horror stories for whatever reason are pretty common on Twitter. While I would never set myself up for that type of failure, others need to vent to somebody, anybody, and Twitter is always open. The most common theme is being left stranded or after you fall out talk about how wack the sex was or how filthy the crib was that you clearly had no issue having sex in. (They always miss the irony in that). In this day and age, meeting someone you met online is more common (because these days some women don’t ever want to be approached, looked at or thought about in real life). As much as I enjoy a good flyout disaster story with my cup of coffee in the morning, I wish people would be smarter about it and follow the Flyout guidelines.

1. Stop leaving your house without money. Didn’t your mama, auntie, hairdresser, neighbor, favorite reality TV star tell you this. No matter how many facetimes, texts, and naked pictures you’ve shared, this is still a first date. Act accordingly. Have enough to get home, have enough to get a room.

2. State your intentions. All of them. Be adults about the whole thing. About sex and the relationship going forward. You don’t want to fly out and end up in their dungeon or end up on Maury. Get tested, wrap it up. Be real about what happens next, is this something that’s sustainable or was “New Orleans just New Orleans”. If you’re not looking for a relationship, let them know before you meet. If you are looking for a relationship, let them know before you meet. Don’t play with people’s feelings, and more importantly, their bread.

3. Get a hotel- You don’t know them. They don’t know you. More importantly, you don’t know how clean their bathroom is. If things break bad you can play sick, go home and know they can safely find their way back without you (Sorry.) At least for the first meeting, then after that you just look married as hell

4. Neutral site- Perhaps just a personal preference of mine, if I’m paying for a flight, hotel, dinner….why not make a trip out of it? (and Boston kinda small).Find a city convenient for both and meet up there, explore together.

5. He goes first- Recurring theme here, let him court. If he’s bout that life, he’ll make the time, effort and trip to see you. Even if it’s on Spirit. Okay, maybe not. If you just happen to be in town….iight bet, but just don’t miss your flight. See opening anecdote.

Sounds reasonable, right? Treat the stranger you’re meeting from the internet to have sex with like a stranger from the internet you’re meeting to sex with, but that’s too pragmatic I suppose. This is ebae, you have feelings, you trust them, they’re different yada yada yada. Where is the line between being too trusting and too cautious? Prepare for the worst, hope for the best. If you’re going to do it, do it, with an open mind and an open heart. And if it does go bad, tell your friends. Don’t take the L on Twitter. Because again, Twitter loves no one. Carpe DM tho.