How Women Can Succeed By Networking Authentically

I write about authentic leadership & advancing women in organizations.

I will start with a confession. I am an introvert and networking is hard for me. In my corporate career at global leadership meetings I remember the guys would head to the bar after meetings and I would head up to my room, exhausted. Yet, I also know networking is critical to professional success. In a world still dominated by male leaders (less than 5% of Fortune 500 CEOs are female) it sometimes may feel more challenging for female executives to build networks authentically in the workplace. I recently spoke with Dorie Clark, an adjunct professor at Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business and author of the new e-book Stand Out Networking: A Simple and Authentic Way to Meet People on Your Own Terms, to discuss the specific networking challenges – and opportunities – of high-level women professionals.

Henna Inam: Let’s start with the basics. What would you say is the biggest challenge for women when it comes to professional networking?

Dorie Clark: One major challenge is the view that networking is inherently sleazy. Of course, some men believe this, too. But women – who have generally been raised in a way that encourages modesty and humility – often feel particularly averse to networking because they think of it as a combination of bragging and using people.

Indeed, my friend Francesca Gino of Harvard Business School did an interesting study that showed people can literally feel dirty after engaging in ‘instrumental networking’ (i.e., networking with the goal of advancement). The key thing that I hope more women will recognize is the fact that not all networking is ‘instrumental.’ In fact, I’d argue that none of it should be. Of course you’ll feel bad if you’re talking to someone and the whole time you’re thinking, “What can this conversation get me? What can this person do for me?” You’re not actually engaging in the interaction; you’re plotting. Instead, if women see networking as a kind of long-term relationship building, they’ll be far more likely to view it positively.

Inam: So much of corporate networking is still tied to “old boys’ club” activities like golf or attending sporting events. How can women fit in there?

Clark: Some women actually enjoy sports – my mother, for instance, loves nothing better than watching golf or football. But like a lot of women, I find it incredibly boring. Here’s what I’d suggest.

If you love sports, obviously you should dive in and attend all the events you can. Your colleagues will appreciate your passion!

If you don’t like sports but would either like to learn or really feel like you can’t pass up the opportunity to connect with your colleagues, go with a ‘learning mindset.’ Admit your ignorance upfront and ask lots of good questions. Your colleagues will likely appreciate your interest and the chance to show off their knowledge.

If you simply can’t stand it and know you’ll hate the experience, don’t go. We all have to make choices in life, and if your disdain for the activity is going to show through, it’s better to stay away. Instead, create your own event later and invite your colleagues to something where you can shine and will have fun – a dinner party or a barbecue or a trivia night.

Inam: Are there strategies or best practices when it comes to female professionals networking with men?

Clark: One area where female professionals need to be extra careful in networking with male colleagues (assuming they’re both heterosexual) is making sure their professional overtures don’t seem like personal ones. Unless someone is a longstanding friend, if you’re networking one-on-one, I’d advise female professionals to stick to breakfast and lunch meetings, rather than dinner or drinks. It’s hard to misconstrue an 8 a.m. gathering over omelets; it’s a lot easier for signals to get crossed if you’re drinking cocktails at 9 o’clock at night.

Inam: How can women network authentically if they’re introverts?

Clark: I’m an introvert, and I often get asked about this. Too many introverts take their identity as an excuse to ignore networking altogether: it doesn’t feel comfortable for me, so I won’t do it. But you’re missing huge opportunities in the process. What’s critical to recognize is that there’s not just one way to network; it’s not all about going to 500-person cocktail parties and trading business cards. You can network in small groups; you could invite a colleague out for lunch, or host a small dinner party, or get curious about other things you all have in common. In fact, you can even ‘network’ by creating content, such as writing blog posts, because that’s a way of building your name recognition and encouraging people to want to get to know you. Even if you’re an introvert, you can play to your strengths and be authentic.

Inam: We’ve talked about some of the challenges. Are there certain advantages to being a woman when it comes to networking?

Clark: Culturally, women are often trained to be more comfortable talking about feelings and personal issues – and asking thoughtful questions about others’ emotions. It turns out that’s the recipe for successful networking, according to famed psychologist Robert Cialdini, whom I profiled in my book Stand Out. Cialdini says that “reciprocal self-disclosure” can help build immediate connection and trust. This isn’t about TMI; you don’t want spill all your secrets within minutes of meeting a new acquaintance. But if someone shares a story about a fight with their boss, it’s very appropriate for you to talk your own experiences navigating office politics. Listening attentively, asking good questions, and truly engaging with them in the moment – skills many women have been steeped in – can help you form powerful connections quickly.

Now I'd like to hear from you. What are the challenges and the opportunities you see in networking authentically?