The Perils of Fornicating With Furniture
August 13, 2008 · Leave a Comment

In a normal world, people would not be inclined to make sweet, passionate love to furniture of any kind. Tables, benches, and the like. But apparently in our twisted reality, such a thing happens far too often. I suppose it happens often enough that it’s deemed illegal.

But really, aside from the shame of having everyone in the world now know that you prefer getting your sexual satisfaction from picnic tables and couches than another human being, what’s the harm? It’s not like you’re putting yourself at risk of bodily harm, right? It’s not like you’d be in danger of losing your genitalia? Right?

Well, Hong Kong resident Xing may disagree with you in light of his experience with a steel bench last week. Weird Asian news and hilarious news footage after the jump.

From Weird Asia News:

Xing, a 41 year-old man, was calling from LanTian park in the middle of the night. The lonely and disturbed man had apparently thought it would be fun to have sex with one of the steel sit-up benches around the park.

The bench has numerous small holes in it, which Xing used to attempt to satisfy himself. However, once he became aroused he found that he was stuck and could not get his penis out of the small hole.

He panicked and called the police to help him.

When police arrive they found Xian stuck face down where he had been stuck for some time.

When doctors arrived on the scene they tried to release some of the pressure by removing some of his blood, but the penis was so swollen that they ended up having to cut the entire bench free and take it, with Xian attached, to the hospital

4 painful hours later, Doctors finally separated Xian from his bench.

Doctors stated that if he had been stuck for even an hour longer, they would have had to remove his penis.