Tuesday, 25 May 2010

A full two weeks after David Cameron assumed the office of Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, his coalition government has still not been deemed viable by experts.

The election of May 6th caused the country severe governmental trauma, and the nation's most capable political surgeons had to move fast to ensure that it didn't start haemorrhaging democracy and bleed out. Just as the Conservatives had predicted, the ensuing hung parliament was a disaster that nearly tore a once-great nation apart.

Thankfully, due to skilful emergency intervention, a coalition government was formed, and levels of national turmoil and dissent began to stabilise. However, it remains uncertain whether the current stitched-together arrangement will be able to hold out.

The two coalition party leaders, PM David Cameron and Deputy PM Nick Clegg, are due to return to the operating theatre tonight, where doctors will make another attempt at fusing their two bodies together while allowing them to continue to exist as a viable organism. It is hoped that this difficult sixteen-hour procedure will provide some much-needed solidity, on which the coalition can proceed to build a working government.

Critics of the "First Past The Post" electoral system have pointed out that this kind of dangerous and rarely tested surgery could be avoided completely by implementing a fairer system of voting.

But right-wing activists continue to denounce the genetic engineering processes of proportional representation as "playing God" and "tampering with forces we do not understand".