Character Assassination Carousel: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom

Before I had Cuppy, I really thought some parents were being a bit dramatic when they said they needed a drink following difficult parenting moment.

Dance Recitals. Drink.

T-Ball Games. Drink some more.

Lego Injury. Drink until the pain goes away.

Parenthood sounded like an endless round of the college drinking game, beer pong. Was parenthood really that bad? Was I going to end up chowing down on greasy pizza at 2AM? Should I have registered for red silo cups?

Well then Christmas Eve 2012 happened. And you want to know what’s worse than the yule log on TV? Chicka Chicka Boom Boom 7x before 6:30AM on a holiday!

Christmas Eve morning for the S Family

I ate, I mean drank, my words on the value of alcohol in parenting that morning.

Recovering from Chicka Chicka Boom Boom is a multistage process.

First you ban the book. Just make sure you account for all copies. Toddlers have a remarkable way of finding duplicates of gifts not yet returned.

Then you drink to the book. And oh did I drink to this book. Let’s just say the theme of Cuppy’s 1st Birthday Party was Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. Among all the Pinterest inspired decorations, I added my own little touch – booze. We held Cuppy’s 1st birthday party at a martini bistro and bar, complete with an open bar featuring a coconut martini special. Slightly inappropriate location for a 1st birthday party? You Betcha! Secretly wishing you were on the guest list? Well, there is always next year, right?

Finally, you roast the book.

Today, I am delighted that my blog world mentor Nicole Leigh Shaw, the one and only Tyop Aretist who always has great advice, granted me a seat on the Character Assassination Carousel to help bring some literary justice to the parenting world. The hit – Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by Bill Martin Jr. and John Archambault (illustrated by Lois Ehlert). Not familiar with the Character Assassination Carousel – stop looking at photos of cats on the internet and check this out. Its book reviews parents want to read! Last month, Jeannette at Mommy Needs a Martini took down The Very Hungry Caterpillar. The moral of her post — parent friends don’t let parent friends buy books encouraging bulimia.

In case you haven’t had the “pleasure” of reading the colorful, tongue twister, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, it is basically a tale on parental irresponsibility and a flash mob. Interested? Concerned? Keep reading.

I could whine about the book’s rhyming scheme. Or comment on the sad theme of herd mentality prevalent throughout the book. Instead, I’m going to keep it real and take down Chicka Chick Boom Boom by bringing it to my level – Unnecessary Hashtagging Madness.

What if Chicka Chicka Boom Boom Took Place on Instagram

(As Chronicled by a Mom who Read this Beeping Book Too Much)

Photo 1:

Like any piece of fiction, the book starts by setting a magical scene – one where “children” ignore their iPads and computers to climb a tree! #lol#michelleobamawouldbeproud #isthereablackout #lies

Photo 2:

BOOM! – the moment of “suspense” Shortly into the book you wonder, where the #^@% are the helicopter parents of these little unsupervised letters? Are they at book group “reading” the tale of merlot or “analyzing” the sonnet of sangria? #callCPS #candycrushaddict #tryingtopeealone

Photo 3:

Then countless pages of all the letters climbing the tree follow – showcasing each of God’s special little snowflakes. #everyonegetsanaward #winning #worsethanadancerecital

Photo 4:

Next up, there is a very clear image of a flash mob gone bad. #oops #lawsuit #darwinaward

Photo 5:

Then each letter parent puts down their iPhone and/or wine glass and pays attention to their “child” #parentingfail #doh #parentingguilt

Photo 6:

But wait, more countless pages of the special snowflake letters, and this time they are all whining. #shootmenow #madness

Photo 7:

About 23 pages in, the authors make a joke about the letter P having a black eye. #corny

Photo 8:

Finally, the book concludes with the parents not paying attention (again!) and the letters making a beeline for the coconut tree. #seriously #millennials #notagain

So, in conclusion, unless you are a glutton for punishment, promptly file Chicka Chicka Boom Boom with all the things that go missing in a household – socks, sippy cups and sanity.

** All photos in this piece come from Chicka Chicka Boom Boom, all rights are reserved by the original authors and illustrator. Chicka Chicka Boom Boom can be found in a variety of children’s books stores and online, including at Amazon.

[…] Our final stop is with Erin of WoofTweetWahh. With a toddler, rescue dog, and high maintenance bird, her life has quickly turned into a three-ring circus. When she’s not managing the circus, she’s working at her job in higher education. Erin used to work around the clock in the fast-paced NYC corporate world, dining on sushi every night and functioning on iced coffee and diet coke. After a few years (and enough mercury in her system from the sushi), I saw the light at the end of the Lincoln Tunnel and traded in the golden handcuffs for my life back. Now Erin is a suburban NJ mom, who worries about school quality, the best deal for used toys, and dreams of getting a bigger, less fuel-efficient car. Don’t you worry – she still makes happy hour. It is now at 8:30 for the 2 minutes before she realizes the dishes need to be washed and emails need attention. When Erin is not working in the office or managing the circus (or running from it), she’s busy writing and editing one of her two picture book series. Be sure to check out these posts Bathroom Intelligence Failure and Character Assassination Carousel: Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. […]