Morses Pond III

You could apologize.
There’s zoning out
and there’s going somewhere
else completely.

I sigh. I’m sorry.

I look at the gate,
then over the water.
Given the choice, right now,
I’d rather be deep
in the water.

A minute goes by
and I feel fingers
on my fingers.

Sorry?

I’m sorry.

For what?

This is… is this the thing
you were talking about a few weeks ago
at dinner? When Brock came in?
Were you… somewhere else?

Now I really want to be underwater.

Come on, she says softly.Tell me.

I can’t… it’s a secret.

And you don’t know more
than a few of mine?
Come on, you owe me
a secret. Where’d you go?

Alice is looking directly
into my eyes. I think
I have to tell her
or risk shitting myself.

It’s hazy, I say.And I won’t remember it
for too long… but I was at your house.

You started thinking
about my house?

If you were done
with this conversation
you could’ve just said so.

Oh, damn it. Alice, I want this conversation. This
one. But… Miss Miller, you remember her?
She told me once that some things
happen out of order. I never understood why
because everything happens to me out of order.
I feel like I’m always waking
up from a dream. And for some fucking reason,
yeah, I had to go at your house. You
and my sister were talking
in the next room. Something
about making invitations
to some party.
I close my eyes.You were saying it should be free
but she wanted it to cost something.
So you went somewhere
and brought back a silver dollar…

She’s staring at me.

Yeah?

I got that dollar
from my dad’s study.
That was… she trails off.
That was five years ago.

It… this just happens
sometimes. I go somewhere else
and come back.

Alice stares at me silently.

That doesn’t scare you?

I shrug. It’s been happening
since I was four.
The only thing scary
about it is telling you
right now.

Are you trying to hide
that you’re smiling?

Shut up.
What else do you remember?

Now I try to hide my smile.

It’s mostly gone now.

Nothing else?

I close my eyes and search
around in my brain.

You were… saying something about—
you knew you’d dropped the ball.
Invitations overdue, or something,
and you hadn’t done any of the work.

A minute passes
while Alice looks over the water.
Then she tilts her head, holds
my eye and says, You know?
You’re actually more interesting
than I thought.

Survey

Brand New

Notes

I wanted to have most of Estuary II written by the start of 2015. Instead I've been on a three seven-month break, taking lots of inspiration from crappy TV and my newfound passion for photography. Part I is now starting to get clearer, which will make Part II a lot easier to write.

Thanks so much for reading.

xo,
Adam

Who are you?

I'm a poet, editor, tinkerer and designer. I love making books, pickles, and something just south of sense.

If you’re here at all, it means we’ve probably met, or you know someone who knows me. Thank you for being here. I put my heart, spirit, blood, and knuckle grease into this story for 12 years. It means so much to me that you’re here, reading it.

So it’s with great sadness I’m putting my strange, endless story on hold. My heart is with my photography these days, and has been for several years. I’ll keep the site up until the domain expires, and then it will return to the form of so many other unfinished stories: a meticulously organized collection of chapters on a personal computer.

Thank you for 12 wonderful and transformative, demanding and soul-wracking years.