Monday, January 18, 2010

"Drive For Pride" -- Be Constantly At It

One of the worst things that I'm conscious of in life is the gap between a potential threat and a potential resolution.

Into every life rain must fall, they say. And to live is to suffer. So it's not surprising when bad things (or potentially bad things) happen. We work to avoid them, then something happens anyway.

When one of these situations comes up -- as they often do -- for me it's a draining things. A withering experience. Then after it's over I tell myself I need to work on that, so that next time I'm facing it with some equilibrium.

That's what we're supposed to get out of our spiritual traditions, such as "Do not worry about tomorrow, for the evil of this day is sufficient." True, true, true. But how to practice it? That's the thing.

But if every time there's a setback or even a perceived threat of one it's a withering experience, then you still have a ways to go. I know I do!

The lesson for me -- and I hope I don't forget it, even though I likely will -- is to be working on my foundations in the good times, then maybe it won't be so bad when it is bad. Just be constantly at it, taking out time for bathroom breaks, meals, sleeping, and hobbies. Don't let a day go by without some positive soul searching or soul feeding.

The whole thing -- pride, self-esteem, confidence -- has a foundation, and as far as I'm concerned that's it. It's like eating, except it's nutrition for your soul. I had one of these withering experiences today ... and I wasn't fully ready. So that's something to work on harder for me!

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Uncle Sam needs you.

In these weird times, be a good citizen.

I'm changing this copy block. That's big, that means something.

Friends, I've got a major burden in my mind, in my system. It's a burning thing, with enough churning going on as well it keeps me up nights. I don't know what to do about it entirely. But my choices are limited. It's either bring the thing to some kind of fruition or die with it on the vine. See my burden, my choices come down to an imperative. I must bring it to some kind of fruition, not knowing what it will be when it's born. I'm not only afraid for myself (men aren't built to pass something like this), I'm also afraid for what could be unleashed on the world. Is it evil or merely stupid? Both those choices came to mind, instantly, but I'm not sure either word applies. Let's hold on to those words for a bit though, because the mind doesn't lie. The evil in it at the very least is the enormity of the burden. The stupidity of it might be worse, but what choice do I actually have? If it claws its way from my gut, my midsection, that too would be a mess. And writing it, posting it on this blog might be the only thing to save me. To bring it forth day by day rather than letting it claw through me in one enormous devilish push. But I must let it grow! How do I know this? I just do! Come back in the weeks ahead, or perhaps wiser counsel would be AVOID THIS BLOG LIKE THE PLAGUE, the *hi* is gonna hit the fan...