Beauty in the World

What is beauty? Sometime it’s evident by obvious physical characteristics. Sometime it’s right in front of you and sometime you have to search. Sometime it’s beautiful from the beginning and sometime what starts out ugly turns into something beautiful.

Amid the tall palm trees and cerulean Atlantic shore, Castaway Cay would be a great place to spend eternity. At least my wife thinks so. This is where she would like her remains to be spread one day. The 1,000 acre paradise serves as an exclusive port for the Disney Cruise Line. I just hope the lush bougainvillea and Bahamian calypso tunes create a big enough distraction. My plan is to carry her ashes in a tequila bottle. She prefers Jose Cuervo. As I bask in the warm tropical sun, I will say good-bye one margarita glass at a time. Cade was only three years old on our first visit to this private oasis. It was then that Julee fell in love with the place.

There is beauty in the world. What an amazing creator we must have to spawn such splendor. My wife Julee, on the other hand, is far more beautiful than all 1,000 acres combined. She doubts herself at times. However, that’s one of the things that makes her so beautiful. My friends in the fashion industry may not realize this, but she finds it intimidating being in a room full of flawless fashion models. “Skinny bitches,” that’s what she calls them. She does it anyway. She loves each and every one of those skinny bitches and means it as a term of endearment. Her love and support for me make her even more beautiful. I could go on and on but at some point you would get sick of hearing and click the “delete” button. There’s one aspect of her beauty, however, I just can’t ignore. The love and sacrifice involved with raising my son is worthy of a monument rivaling the Taj Mahal. Unfortunately, I am not so wealthy and I would have to construct such monument from clearance items bought at the local Hobby Lobby.

There is beauty in the world. Raising a child with disabilities is grueling. It’s easy to be overwhelmed with grief when thinking of the life that could have been. However, it’s beautiful appreciating the life that is. Sometime we don’t appreciate our own beautiful lives until we realize how screwed up life is for others. Some people call this, “counting your blessings.” I call it, “not counting your troubles.” It’s the only thing keeping me from being a raging alcoholic.

Most mornings with my son are challenging. It’s not uncommon for me to look like a cage fighter by the time breakfast is over. The key word there is “over.” When it’s over, it’s time to move on. There is no time for grudges. On the other hand, there is plenty time for forgiveness. Forgiveness gives me the opportunity to enjoy the many beautiful moments shared with my son. Forgiveness is a true thing of beauty. Forgiveness gives me the strength to appreciate days like today.

Cade and I sat down for the breakfast I just prepared. Close your eyes and imagine an elegant dimly lit brunch; the type you find at a fancy five star resort. Now open them and find a couple bowls of Captain America cereal and an IPad playing random nonsense Cade finds on YouTube. In case you’re curious Captain America cereal is just re-shaped Alpha Bits cereal with marshmallows resembling Captain America’s shield. Nonetheless, it was quality time.

Allergies in the Carolinas are a bitch. Before long I began to sneeze. Sneezing always makes me nervous. Why? Because I know that if I am sneezing Cade may soon be sneezing. The problem is that allergies trigger Cade’s migraines. Our giggling father and son time ended with a torn shirt, cracked door, broken lamp, scratched arms and Captain America marshmallows up my nose. What a crappy way to start the day. In fact it was down-right ugly.

However, that doesn’t mean it has to end that way. I sent Julee out for some retail therapy. It would have been nice to spend Mother’s Day together but in this house you just learn to go with the flow. Gone was my vision of Ward and June on a Sunday stroll with the Beaver. Today my Beaver was more like the pissed off dog in Stephen King’s Cujo. I kissed Julee good-bye and re-entered the boxing ring.

A couple hours later a friend messaged me asking how my day was. This was my reply:

“Good. Of course my definition of good some would call chaos. I call it beautiful chaos. My son had a migraine and took it out on the furniture and my arms. However, once his thunderstorm was over we hung out, watched Agent 007 kick ass in Spectre and had Chinese take-out.”

Today, what started out ugly turned into something beautiful. I grew up on the bayou near New Orleans. If you ask me, James Bond and Chinese food go together like red beans and rice.

There is beauty in the world. Cade attends a school for children with developmental disabilities. Being in the fashion industry I have seen many beautiful things; beautiful garments, beautiful people and beautiful places. However, nothing compares to the beauty I witness at his school every day. The love and compassion shared by the staff of Webb St. School is the type of beauty that makes painters paint, singers sing and writers write. This beauty inspired me to gather my friends in the fashion industry and make the following announcement.

Join us for a fashion event unlike any other. Webb Street School in connection with Heartfelt Fashion will be hosting a show that spotlights true beauty. Webb Street School serves children ages 5-22 with special needs in the Gaston County School District of North Carolina. A Night of Connected Fashion will give children with developmental disabilities an opportunity to shine like never before. The children will have their hair and makeup done by top professionals. They will be fitted and styled by area designers and boutiques. Professional models will be coaching the children to help boost their confidence. When ready, the children will be given their moment to work and own the runway. Fashion photographers and local media will be in attendance to cover the event. Proceeds will go towards an all-inclusive, accessible playground.

The event took place in the school’s gym last week Saturday, April 30, 2016 and it was a huge success. Of course, the kids stole the show. Please see the links below for photos from the event.

Originally, I saw a few of these pics, as Kelly Melerine is a friend of mine. Yet today, I reviewed all the pics from the whole fashion show. What incredible delight I see in these kids faces. I imagine they’ve never had this much attention for a happy occasion; one which didn’t require some sort of test or medically invasive occurance.

Every child deserves to feel special. I applaud all of those who put the show on, without your efforts they would never have gotten the chance for such delight.

If this is ever done again, I’m in! Give me a shout Kelly and I will put together a large group from Lincoln County to come and support!

Dear Kelly, Even I am 8,000 miles away I am still following your blog. I read almost every post you did and they touched me all. But your blog from today made me cry. You are awesome creating this kind of event! Wow!!!! I am so impressed. Stay strong and give Cade a big hug from Berlin. I’ll be back in Sep. Love from the other side of the ocean, Nadine

What a poignant post! I look forward to reading more of your writing… It’s wonderful to be able to gain insight into autism through your blog, and to read about involved parenting from a dad’s perspective.

I’m just learning how all-consuming it is to be a parent. The past few weeks since my son’s birth have been the most fulfilling of my life. Just before I gave birth my doctor said, “You will soon learn that we were put on Earth for our children.” How right he was!

Reblogged this on A Dose of Inspiration and commented:
Beautiful! My word this year for the one word challenge is “Beauty” and this post is perfect for the challenge. Thank you for sharing! It’s very interesting! 😀 ❤

Every time I read your blog I have to take a step back and really ponder what you just wrote. Then I reread your post and sometimes start to cry. Beauty IS everywhere, you and your wife have heart’s of gold and unimaginable strength. In looking at the pictures of the event, the smile on the kids faces were priceless and your son looked like he had a great time. What an amazing event and such a positive influence in their lives.

A dear friend of mine has a daughter with developmental disabilities and her daughter loves to create art. Her daughter is part of a program that does art therapy. Once a quarter the organization puts on art shows with art work done by the kids / adults in the program. I have been to three of her art shows and the first time I walked in I was awestruck at the amount of talent that was on display. That brought me to tears also. (In case you haven’t noticed I am a big mush). I have facilitated two art shows here in the city we live in and have featured my friends daughter’s work. Her smile and joy beams through the whole event.

I have said this before and I will say it again, it is people like you and your wife that this world needs more of. If you planning another event I can’t wait to hear all about it and see the pictures from that one. Keep doing what you are doing, I know the days can seem hard and unbearable sometimes.

Well now you went and made me cry. I can be a big ole mush myself. Thanks for being the amazing soul that you are. Your support for programs such as the incredible art show you mentioned touches lives. It’s time for the world to see the beauty and joy these people possess. Nothing but love my friend

Thank you for writing with such honesty and bravery. I’m so happy you found my blog, because it led me to your blog! I can identify with your story of breakfast and your son’s allergies and migraines and chaos. My son is 7 and has non-verbal autism. Allergies and GI issues set off some crazy-ass chaos in our home that forces me to wear long sleeves no matter the weather in order to cover the bites, scratches, and bruises. And still I love my boy to the moon and back. It’s so great to connect with you, and I’m looking forward to reading more about your journey with Cade. 🙂

Wow! Sounds like we’re living parallel lives. I’m glad to know I’m in good company. I used to wear long sleeves. Then I wore short sleeves and told people I had a pet bear. Now I wear the scratches and bruises with pride. Keep pushing forward. People like you inspire .

My son is just three years old so I’m still learning what the triggers are for his tantrums. I just recently discovered he has horrible allergies (his doctor said his nose looked like a war zone) and his adenoids are swollen. I’ve been wondering if maybe he had little headaches or something that causes him to bang his head more during this time. Reading your post and realizing that this isn’t just a theory in my head really put my nerves in ease. Thank you for finding me. It really helps to finally have someone to learn from example by.

I like hearing about love in all forms. I was a teacher of an integrated classroom of both typically developing children and children with special needs for nine years. I learned so much from the generous spirits of children. ❤
I liked your breakfast and your relationship with your son, Cade. The first photo, is that you and your grown son? The fashion show sounds like a great fundraiser! 🙂