Friday, 28 December 2012

Walnut Smuggling

Apologies for the lateness of the update. I’m also a little
bit bleary-eyed this evening. I'm just back from the Port of Dover where I spent the day hiding in an industrial-sized rubbish
container as part of my new hour-long documentary, ‘Richard Madeley and the
Walnut Smuggers’.

Did you know that 23% of the walnuts consumed at Christmas this year would have been smuggled into the country up the alimentary canals of so-called 'walnut
mules'? These poor people cram themselves with dozens upon dozens of whole
walnuts before coming over from France, usually in loose fitting clothes and springy shoes to prevent the dreaded 'walnut cascade'. It’s an amazing story and should be an
amazing documentary, airing sometime on ITV in the spring.

Walnuts aside, I’m updating my blog to tell you that my
friend and professional lookalike, Stan Madeley, has launched a new blog. He’s
calling it his ‘Dead Letter Box’ and he’ll be updating it daily (unlikely, I
say!) with some of his unpublished letters to the rich and powerful. Head over
there and I’m sure Stan will explain it better than I ever can. To be honest, I just
want to get into the bath for a long soak. My clothes are ripe with the smell
of walnuts freshly dislodged from their smugglers and Judy has already refused to let me in the front room. Can't say I blame the old girl. Can the smell of walnut oil set off a peanut allergy? I don't know but I guess we'll have discovered if it can by the morning!

No comments:

About Richard

An acknowledged expert on every subject, Richard was the host of the UK’s most popular tea-time talk show before he propelled satellite TV into a new era with his show on 'Watch'. Sadly, that era was akin to the 'Dark Ages' but with lower viewing figures. He now divides his time between radio and voice-over work for a range of high performance mobility scooters. His hobbies include skiing, water sports, breaking endurance records, and creating world-shattering inventions in his garden shed.