Snippets of my ordinary life

people

I feel like some people get a kick out of pissing me off. I tell them to not stand in the back and later they will come and stand near me and watch for my reaction 😒

I’ve also got a few people who got angry at me because I told them they would have to wait to enter the meeting because they didn’t RSVP or are last minute additions that just show up, hoping to get in. This is what happens when you don’t follow directions. You’re not the king of the world; don’t expect me to give you special treatment just because you fucking drove 15 hours to get here.

What’s worse is that these are grown adults. I talk to them politely and patiently but they act like I killed their whole family. I can’t with people.

One of my coworkers is really starting to piss me off. I have decided I’m not going to talk to her anymore.

I don’t know what her problem is but most of the time when we’re talking (or she’s talking to anyone in general) she gets hella defensive about her thoughts and opinions. Or she pushes them like she’s correct and the rest of us are wrong. Like chill, we’re just talking.

Yesterday I was just telling her about this thread I read on reddit about unethical things doctors do. I was just saying if I ever needed surgery or something major, I would go back to the US to do because I trust the doctors in the US more than, let’s say, China (for the record, I have nothing against China). She goes off on me saying that doctors in the US are horrible and that so many malpractices happen in the US too. Well, okay, I agree, there’s shitty doctors everywhere but if I had to choose between China and US, I’d choose US. But then she continues lecturing me about the bad shit doctors in the US do and that I should do my research before going into a major surgery.

Bitch, if I have to do a major surgery, I would most likely dying or heading in that direction. I wouldn’t have the fucking time to do my research. Ugh! She’s so fucking irritating with the way she talks.

It’s not only me though; she’s pissed off my other coworkers with the way she gets so defensive about her opinions and shit.

I’m not uptight; I can take a joke and laugh at myself from time to time. Though if someone does or say something that gets to me, I don’t let it show visibly and just keep it inside.

That being said, I get extremely irritated when people constantly tease me or make fun of me. It’s the people that are constantly doing it and the people who are always making fun of me about the same thing that really gets under my skin. I grew up with people always teasing me and making fun of the way I am and the way I look that it’s just torn down any chance of me having any self-confidence at all. I’m an extremely insecure person and lack self-esteem. And it just makes me feel awful when people make fun of me in jest. I know they don’t have any harmful thoughts behind it but it still gets to me.

There’s this guy at work that is always making fun of me and teasing me about things that I have told him. I’m a pretty open person and when asked questions, I usually answer them honestly and truthfully. I’ve got nothing to hide. But then because of him (and the rest of my coworkers) it has made me regret being honest and opening myself to them. They’re always making fun of me every chance they get. They think it’s all a joke and do it for shits and giggles but it really annoys me. I can’t even say anything about it because I don’t like confrontation.

I have a really bad habit of avoiding people. When I see people I know on campus or on the streets, I pretend I don’t see them. I look the other way or whip out my phone and just continue on. If they call out to me, I’ll greet them but if they also don’t see me either then a little bit of me inside will feel relieved. I don’t know why I’m like this. I think it’s because I never know what to say and the whole exchange just feels weird to me.

I remember back in high school, there would always be these girls that knew everyone and would have to say hi every time they say someone they knew in the hallways. This actually annoyed me when I had to walk behind them. I’m just like seriously, do you have to say hi to everyone?

Sometimes I feel like I come off as cold and rude if I don’t say hi to someone I know. I guess in a way it is rude but if I had to defend myself, half the time I ignore people on purpose, and the other half I just really don’t see them. I’m a space case and 80% of the time I’m caught up in my own head when I’m walking around on my own.

So anyways, lately, I’ve seen a ‘friend’ around. We weren’t particularly close but we use to hang out in the same group a few years ago. I haven’t seen nor talked to this guy in a couple of years. The first time I saw him this semester was when I was returning from my car and heading to the library. He was walking towards me, went passed me, and I didn’t realize it was him until a few seconds after he passed me. I stopped and turned back but he just kept walking and I thought I was seeing things. I figured he would have graduated already so I thought I was mistaken.

The second time I saw him, I was walking behind him. I was sure it was him this time but I didn’t talk to him because I didn’t know what to say to him. I saw him again today and now I’m just wondering if I should be the first to say something. I don’t know why I’m deliberating over this so much. It’s not like I’m confessing my undying love to this guy. I just…want some…friends…wow that sounds sad lol.

But yeah…I’m kind of scared of people. I think because ever since I started college I made no new friends and all my old friends stopped talking to me. I had this one online friend whom I talked to on a daily basis but after I came back from abroad, she stopped talking to me. Doesn’t respond to my messages, letters, nothing. All of these things just happened and I don’t know why or if I did something to make them not want to talk to me. I’m so confused and hurt and its because of these past experiences that I’m scared to reach out to people again. I’m scared to be hurt or just left behind.

I’m not antisocial but I use it as an excuse to avoid social situations (because they freak me out) and having to explain why I never have any plans. (It’s because I have no friends.) Sigh…sometimes I wonder if I should go see a therapist…

Maybe it’s because I’m a people-hater or something, I don’t know but I have this friend who I’ve known for almost a year? We met online and have been chatting through a messaging app. She seems nice and cool.

The problem is though, every time I’m talking to her it feels like I’m being interrogated. All she does is asks question, after question, after question. And these questions come off as condescending. I feel like she’s looking down on me. I’ve been nice and haven’t said anything about this but it really bothers me. Especially when she would send me five questions in a row and they would all be about something different! I’ve just started to pick and choose which question to answer because it’s really starting to annoy me how she does this. I don’t think we’ve actually ever had a ‘real’ conversation where we can just talk about something. It has always been her firing off questions and me answering them. (╯︵╰,)