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Cool Pranks for Cats

By Caldwell Tanner

COOL PRANKS 4 CATS
How to Own Your Owner in Five Easy Steps!
1. Snooze Butt-on (Prank Level: Meowcenary)
a. Hop up on your owner’s bed.
b. Sit on his fat head until he wakes the fuck up and feeds you.
2. Throw-Up Throw-Down / Throw Big or Throw Up (Prank Level: Felinfinite Jest)
a. Lick yourself all day, really put that tongue to good use.
b. Puke on something your owner cares about.
3. Death From A-dove (Prank Level: Puss n’ Goofs)
a. Straight up KILL an animal with your deadly claws and fearsome feline strength.
b. Put it on your dumb owner’s doormat. Be sure to tear it to shreds so the blood gets EVERYWHERE.
ProTip: If you pull this prank off, your idiot owner will be so flustered that he / she will try to write this embarrassment off as you bringing them a “gift” or something.
4. Feline Recline (Prank Level: Mewtiny)
a. Tear that piece of shit’s favorite couch into a million goddamn pieces.
ProTip: Once finished, pee all over it to establish ownership / make the couch smell real bad.
5. Trick the Bucket (Prank Level: CalicOWNED)
a. Grow old and sick.
b. Find an unreachable and inconvenient hiding spot somewhere in your owner’s house.
c. Die.