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So you married your Prince Charming who didn’t ride in on his noble steed but instead flew in on a plane! Life can be a roller coaster of emotions on it’s own let alone having to throw into the mix a partner that works away from home.

Blissfully unaware

We are so happy that we have finally married our prince charming that we are blissfully unaware of what lies ahead, ‘cos love conquerrs all. Right?? The day –to- day reality of this kind of relationship can be quite an awakening or to some a damn right rude shock.

Don’t get me wrong, we love them to bits that’s not an issue, it’s just once they’ve left that tarmac everything falls squarely on our shoulders.

When my partner and I first got together I was in my late 20’s with a 7 year old daughter in tow. “No problem”, I thought, “I can do this, I’m an independent strong woman”. Well, what I didn’t expect was to become an emotional basket case, I don’t think I’ve gone through so many emotions at once!

The Lead up….

Not so bad to begin with but as the week before departure approached I would find myself feeling agitated and uneasy an almost churning in my stomach.

I would try my hardest to squash these feelings and just focus on enjoying the time with him before he left. I knew I would miss him dearly and didn’t want him to go (after all this is what I signed up for) and I wanted to show him that I loved and supported him.

The funny thing is though those churning feelings kept rising and before I knew it we would be fighting and bickering, instead of being loving. Not what I wanted at all.

Of course we would make up but then the night before departure my mood would drop and I would be sad that he was going away.

Normality

Ok so now he’s gone, I’ve cried my tears so it’s time to get on with it, as you well know life doesn’t stop especially if you’ve got a job to go to and kids to raise.

The first couple of days were always an adjustment period and then after that normality ensued. So I would go about my business doing what I would normally do.

Some days were good some days not so good. I don’t know about you but the hardest part for me was if I had had a horrible day at work, or if the washing machine blew up or my daughter was sick. To then come home to an empty house and not have him there to talk to (some times we had no phone contact) not only did I miss the emotional support but the physical too – I needed a giant hug and that familiar “It’s ok, everything will be alright”.

In those moments not only would I feel frustrated, and alone but sad and a tad angry too because I needed him right there and then! (as some days just seemed insurmountable). But he wasn’t there, he was working albeit away but working to support his family.

Rinse and Repeat

So the days would come and go until his return home. I loved this part and to some degree I think it kept our relationship in the honeymoon phase for an extended period of time. This is where instead of the churning I would get butterflies in my stomach eagerly awaiting his return so I could throw my arms around him. Yippee, my man was back, my support, my confidant, my safe place………until the next departure and the emotional rollercoaster would ride all over again.

So how do you cope with the gamut of emotions, and still manage to keep everything under control and maintain your sanity??

Here are my top 5 tips:

Remember to Breathe (most things are never as bad as they seem)

Listen to music (nothing like turning the stereo up full blast & dancing out your emotions – even if it is to Wham, lol)

I rolled into this year feeling exhausted, depleted and with a total lack of focus. This left me feeling frustrated and bad about myself for not having my shit together! Really? As a coach, shouldn’t I have my shit together?? So after giving my self a little talking to I decided the best thing for me to do was to just STOP. Stop everything, stop doing, stop thinking and give myself the time and space that I needed to work through this little dilemma.

As I started to relax into this new way of being and just let everything fall away without guilt (yes that ugly emotion that often consumes us as mums, that screams at us the should and shouldn’t of who we must be or how we must live) I began to realise that I had spent the majority of last year busying myself doing……….trying to assemble the pieces of my life to create some normality (while still grieving the end of a 20 year marriage), pushing my way forward trying to make things happen. You see I’m a go-getter type and I’ve always followed the belief of:

“IF IT IS TO BE IT’S UP TO ME”

Well that’s all fine and dandy but I wasn’t taking the time to take stock, breathe and allow things to occur naturally and in their own time. I was trying to control my life, which is quite laughable when we understand that we actually don’t have control over anything and the minute we actually let go of this, Tada! Everything falls in to place.

Several weeks have passed since I made this decision and I can tell you I am feeling much lighter and not only am I listening more, but can also hear what my inner guidance and body are telling me and responding to those needs of nurturing. I am also gaining more clarity and having many aha moments. One major one being…..and here comes my BIG confession… I’m a people pleaser. Yep, I’ve spent a lot of time giving my energy and power away to others in order for them not to feel bad, to do the right thing, to make them happy, and to be liked. In essence I have put others and their needs before mine, (that and the hefty expectations I place on myself). Talk about exhausting, No wonder I was feeling depleted. Well this BS stops today, I no longer give my energy or power away to others or pursuits that don’t serve me.

Since this amazing realisation I am so much more aware of my energy and that of others and I am able to make more conscious choices about what I do, whom I choose to hang out with and activities in which I engage in.

Our energy is so powerful why would we want to just carelessly give it away!

If you want to take back your energy and power, here some tips on how you can do that:

As the silly season hits us at a lightening speed life undoubtedly becomes chaotic, what with shopping for gifts, end of year school productions, office parties and the like and as Murphy’s law has it, your child will run in at the eleventh hour in an absolute panic because they don’t have a gift for their new bff…….

‘Oh dear, I (insert expletive here) forgot!’ you think to yourself. Inevitably a late night dash to the shops follows…….

All of this extra ‘Merry’ Season activity can add more to the load of our already crazy busy schedules resulting in extra stress and fatigue.

One of the ways we can reduce stress and find some inner calm is through the age-old art of meditation. Meditation has proven health benefits, such as:

Reduces blood pressure

Reduces anxiety and stress

Improves immune system

Improves breathing and heart rate

Increases energy levels

Increases mental clarity and memory

Improves mood…..

just to name a few.

Not sure where to start……..no worries here are 5 simple steps to get you going.

5 Simple Steps to Meditation

Find a quiet place with no distractions

If you’re usually active, try just sitting for 5 minutes at a time to get your body used to not doing anything.

Close your eyes and focus on your breathing

Take a few deep breaths in through the nose and out through the mouth

Let any thoughts float away without paying attention to them

Try doing this for 10 minutes a day, it will get easier the more you do it and then you can increase the time. If you are finding that it is difficult to shut off the mind chatter, try lighting a candle and focusing on the flame while breathing. You’ll find in no time that you will be getting through your day with more flow and you will be able to cope more easily in times of stress.

Well spring is finally here in all it’s glory! About time too…….I don’t know about you but I’m well and truly over the jeans and woollies. Time to get those razors out and show a bit of leg……. Don’t you love just sitting outside with the suns rays just beaming on your back?

I’m definitely not a winter person. In fact I tend to hibernate, indulge in some comfort food, and sit on the lounge wrapped in a blanket with a nice cup of tea…….I would stay there all winter if I could. But there’s something about Spring that makes you feel more alive, more vibrant and ready to take on the world!

Traditionally Spring is associated with renewal, birth and Spring cleaning – getting rid of all that stuff that we have accumulated over time that has been clogging our space. We often spend a lot of time de-cluttering our wardrobes and our environment but how many of us allocate time to de-cluttering our minds?

Mental clutter can wreak havoc in our day-to-day lives, where we become forgetful, distracted, unfocused, even stressed and fatigued; Taking us away from the present moment and joy of life.

Here are 5 ways you can begin to de-clutter your mind:

Create a daily list

By creating a list we can clearly see what needs to be done. You can take this a step further by diarising jobs and assigning a time frame for them to be completed.

Have a notebook handy

So you can write down things that come to mind or ideas that you may have. That way you are not trying to carry it all in your head.

Take time to meditate

Meditation is a great way to relax and clear your mind plus it also has heaps of health benefits; this will help you maintain ease and flow in your day.

Attend to things as they come in

When we are busy we tend to put things in the ‘later’ or the ‘too hard’ basket. When we don’t deal with things straight away they tend to float around in the back of our minds, which causes stress, as it’s another thing that we are thinking about.

Let go

There’s no point in worrying about things. Worry drains us of our energy and keeps us stuck. If it’s not serving you, let it go!

Do you Love yourself?

Recently I had a somewhat intense Reiki session which had me in touch with some deep emotional feelings from my child hood which dare I say had me in a blubbering mess……as a result some significant healing took place. At the end of the session I was told (from a place of love and respect) to love myself……….Over the years through my personal and spiritual development this message has become more and more prevalent. The great inspirers of our time such as Oprah, Louise Hays, and the late Wayne Dyer all talk about self love, in fact everyone and his dog is talking about it. But what is self love? And more to the point, how do we love ourselves?

Where it begins

As a child I learnt that it was not ok to blow your own trumpet. Thinking of your own needs was considered selfish and admiration in one self was being self absorbed. In fact these actions were considered rude and arrogant. As I emerged from adolescence into adulthood I never really thought about the importance of self love, I just got on with life and did my thing. As my journey progressed into motherhood I devoted much of my time and energy to my family often putting my own needs at the bottom of the list……..I have realized over the years that as women and mothers, this is what we often do. We seem to have this inbuilt genetic trait as nurturers and in doing so we are usually so busy taking care not only of our family but everything else that goes on day to day, that there is no time for us, and the fact of the matter is that by the end of the day we are just too exhausted to care!

So what is self Love?

According to Mr. Google self love is regard for one’s own well being and happiness…..I think it’s safe to say that the majority of us do have concern for our own well being and happiness but do we make it a priority and do we actually love ourselves? If you’re a momma, like most mums (present company included) your family’s well being and happiness probably ranks the top of the priority list. I’m guessing your heart explodes with love; compassion and empathy for your kids and you let them know it at ever chance you get. So how often do you do that for yourself? How many times a day do you say to yourself ‘I love you’? When you don’t reach the lofty expectations that you have set yourself do you show yourself compassion or do you berate yourself??? When I think of self love I think about having a bath, a pedicure, a massage you know those physical things that we like to reward ourselves with. This is a great start. But self love is so much more than that………..it’s about self acceptance, liking who we are (warts n all); Being able to stand in front of the mirror in all our glory (ok, butt naked) and love the sexy, sensual woman staring back at us. It’s about setting boundaries and taking care of our emotional, physical and mental wellbeing. It’s about giving ourselves the same compassion, kindness and respect that we so willingly give to others. So how do we embark on this journey of self love? Below I share some secrets to get you started.

7 Secrets to loving your self

Give to you 1st, make yourself a priority – Remember the safety instructions when taking a flight? Put the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. If you don’t take care of you and you keep on giving there will be nothing left of you to give.

Set aside time for yourself every day – This gives you time to catch your breath and slow down. An hour is great but if this is not manageable aim for 10 minute increments throughout the day and then gradually build up to an hour.,

Make good choices for your wellbeing – Choose foods that fuel your body, get more sleep and find ways to reduce stress.

Ask for help when you need it – If you’re an independent kinda girl then the word ‘help’ just isn’t in your vocabulary. Just like you, even super heroes need help from time to time.

Learn the art of saying ‘No’ – Our generous, giving nature means we often won’t say no and end up pilling more stuff on to our to do list, bringing on the feeling of overwhelm.

Acknowledge what you do and what you’ve achieved – Recognize the things you do each day no matter how small and give yourself a pat on the back.

Look in the mirror and say ‘I love you’ – this will feel uncomfortable at first, but stick with it, you’ll be amazed at the change.

But most of all be kind and gentle – you deserve it, you are an amazing human being! xx

Starting the Year with a bang!

Can’t believe that the end of another year has arrived…..Boy this one has flown past or is that just in retrospect to my ever increasing years of age! As I sit and contemplate what’s in store for 2015, I find myself experiencing the familiarity of “GOALSETTING”, that awkward, uncomfortable feeling, that voice in our head that reverberates that word, ‘SHOULD’. I freely admit that in past years I too have spontaneously set random goals at the beginning of a new year (because that’s what we ‘should’ do) and then just as quickly forgotten them and not paid them any service. I wonder how many of us actually set out with all good intentions but then this thing called life takes over and we our back doing the same old.

We are creatures of habit

As humans we are creatures of habit and unless our goals have any meaning or significance we unconsciously continue with our daily lives. Over the past year I have learnt a lot as a Life Coach, and found that my previous attempts at goal setting were wonderful quests for life that inevitably got lost in the depths of my desk drawer. I now understand the planning that needs to accompany these goals but most importantly they must be in alignment with my highest values. By doing this my goals have passion, power and purpose and I am more driven and certainly more inspired to achieve them.

How to kick start your year

So what are your goals for 2015? Will your goals inspire and fuel you through the year? Want to know how to kick your Goals off with a bang? If the answer is YES, then here are my top 10 tips to successful goal setting and achieving the life you want.

Carve out some time for yourself and find a place where you can sit comfortably without distractions.

Have plenty of paper and coloured pens or texter’s (I find this gets the creative juices flowing and gets in touch with your inner child).

Firstly create a list of all the things you want to do, be or have.

Now create a list of your most important values, you know those things that you stand for as a person, for example family, personal/spiritual growth, community service, etc. whatever it is that gets that flame of inspiration burning inside of you.

Then go back to your first list of what you’d like to achieve and cross of anything that doesn’t align with your values.

Now you are left with goals that are truly meaningful to you. Decide on the time frame you would like to achieve these goals by, you can also sort these into short, medium and long term goals. Put a date on them.

Take each individual goal and write down the steps you will need to take to achieve them – keep them simple, if too complicated you are less likely to action them.

Have a look at the resources you may need to complete these steps.

Diarise each step. Review your goals daily, weekly and monthly.

Most of all have fun with it! Celebrate each goal achieved, and don’t forget things change so be flexible and adjust your goals accordingly.