Friday, February 3, 2012

Movie Review: Nothing but Trouble (1991)

"Wow. Holy fuck. That was a good line of blow."

These are, I can only assume, the words spoken immediately before brothers Dan and Peter Akroyd came up with this bizarre early 90s comedy/cocaine incited grotesque-fest. That's right folks, written and directed by the Akroyd's, and including a surprisingly all-star cast:

Dan Akroyd (of course)
Chevy Chase
Demi Moore
John Candy!!!

And honorable mentions:
Tupac Shakur
Daniel Baldwin

This movie is so awesome in so many ways, it's hard to know where to start, but just so you can get an idea for the story, here goes...

Businessman Chevy Chase meets a hot girl, Demi Moore, and they decide to take a trip across the country...or something...I forget why...trust me, not important to the (barely existent) plot. Anyway, they end up passing through a podunk town called Valkenvania, where local cop John Candy pulls them over for running a stop sign. They are escorted to the local courthouse where senile and grotesque judge Dan Akroyd presides, dishing out executions by hitting buttons on his pipe organ (seriously). The rest of the movie is pretty much Chevy Chase and Moore attempting their escape from the court compound while a cast of various vomit-inciting inbred hick types try to prevent that from happening.

Now I can finally get to the best part, pictures of the characters.

Dan Akroyd as Judge Alvin Valkenheiser.

Akroyd also plays one of these disgusting oversized babies, aptly named
"Bobo" and "Lil' Debull." Can you guess which one is "Lil' Debbul" and
which one is a coke-addicted asshat who will never make or star in a decent
film ever again (except for Tommy Boy, of course)?

John Candy plays the judge's son, Dennis, and his daughter, Eldona (the one
in the middle, in case you're an idiot).

Tupac; ironically he is one of the few characters who manages to avoid
being killed in the film.
Oh...sorry. Too soon?

The Judge's (Akroyd) favorite method of execution is to put people on a roller coaster that ends in "Mr. Bonestripper"
where they get...uhhh...I forget...oh yeah, their bones stripped!

IMDB rates this movie at a 4.2, which if you transfer that to the BADASS MOVIE LAZER-RATER that I had professionally designed and calibrated and did not just make up in 2 minutes on mspaint for this article, it's a little disappointing. But good news, everyone! Rotten Tomatoes gives it a 9%!!! (That's 0.9, or nearly 1, for all you drop-outs) Hooray for idiocy!

I give this movie a 2, so please get out there and watch it - especially if you like Chevy Chase. You could even make a drinking game out of it. Everyone will be binge poisoned if you take a drink every time

1) Something disgusts you or,

2) Something happens that makes no sense whatsoever.

You may also find it more enjoyable if you put yourself in a "happy place" before you watch this movie. That's the way I like it and I suggest you do it the same way.