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Saturday, November 1, 2014

Parents, Is Success a Dirty Word?

This fall, my oldest son started kindergarten. As he pulls his homework out of his backpack, I watch him
sound out words, sort shapes, and draw pictures with crayons. He tries his best to complete each task. I find myself wanting to try my best too. I want to try my best as a parent to balance
challenging him and shielding him from our culture’s anxiety. I want to provide him with every appropriate
resource to excel yet protect his right to simply be a kid. I realize each of these pressures rub up
against how I – and we as a culture – dare to define success.

The fall is therefore a great time to reexamine our approach
to it. The most provocative article I
read on success this year was featured in the Opinion section of The New York Times back in January. The article, What
Drives Success?, was co-authored by the Tiger
Mom. Amy Chua’s controversial,
matter-of-fact style has made her a parenting icon that people either love or
hate, but always have an opinion on. Because
of the article’s popularity, and because it reflects a cultural ethos that some
would argue should inform parenting, it’s essential to revisit it from the
Christian perspective.

Financial Success

First, it is clear that Chua defines success as strictly monetary. Although she admits that “material success
cannot be equated with a well-lived life,” those who are successful are
top-earners in her article. Her view is
therefore consistent with culture.

It goes without saying that Christianity would not endorse
an end goal of strictly financial success.
Instead of focusing on amassing material wealth, we are to seek and
nurture the intangible blessings of this life.
With eyes fixed on Jesus and a drive to further his kingdom, we have the
invitation to be a part of something bigger than our own selfish gain. It is this ability to refocus contrary to
culture that actually brings the true fulfillment all desire.

But if we stop there, we miss something. There can also be an aversion to wealth in
Christian circles that proves counterproductive. Certainly, the sole pursuit of wealth is a
hollow enterprise that’s contrary to the gospel. But we cannot forget how God used the wealthy
patriarchs of the Old Testament, or how Jesus commended the servant who wisely
invested and skillfully multiplied his talents either. Financial gain, if obediently accrued and
generously given, can undeniably bring glory to the kingdom of God by funding
ministries and aiding God’s people.

Ultimately, God cares about the heart. As Christian parents, our goal is to best
equip our children to wisely guard it and answer his call. Success is therefore a measure of obedience
and passion, not financial gain. Some calls
will naturally involve more influence and larger paychecks. But if we teach our children intentional
stewardship and the value of shining God’s light in their respective industries,
we are doing our job.

The “Triple Package”

Second, Chua asserts that there are three traits that
together foster success. The three
traits form a winning “Triple Package,” and those who manifest them have this: “The first is a superiority complex – a
deep-seated belief in their exceptionality.
The second appears to be the opposite – insecurity, a feeling that you
or what you’ve done is not good enough.
The third is impulse control…”

Certain cultural and even religious groups, like Mormons and
Jews, have been better at manifesting the “Triple Package” than others. It’s therefore interesting to consider how they
resonate with Christianity and our parenting goals. Going in reverse order, the third trait is an
easy fit with the Christian faith.
Impulse control and the ability to resist temptation is not only
something Jesus modeled, but it is a byproduct of the sanctification process. We gradually die to the flesh to augment the
Spirit. Applying this scriptural tenant
to our vocational obedience to God is natural.

Second, the trait of inferiority has some resonance. We are mindful of our innate sinfulness and
the scandalous grace of Christ. We serve
God not to attain salvation through our own merit, but in utter gratitude for
his blessings. Our life effectively becomes
an ongoing doxology. Teaching our children
this principle to fuel their respective ministries is being faithful to the
Christian message.

It is the trait of superiority that might leave our head
spinning, but perhaps not necessarily so.
After all, we cannot forget that we are God’s chosen people. This scriptural principle is not license for
belittling – it is not that we are superior to others, but that God’s gifts to
us are superior to what the world can ever provide. When we claim the gifts of our faith – an unshakable trust in God, for instance – we can unlock a boldness to risk and
be faithful, a confidence that is not conditioned by the circumstances. It’s a valuable resource that’s sorely lacking
in our often frantic, anxious, and short-sighted society.

Looking at my kindergartner, I don’t want him to be afraid
of worldly success, but I don’t want it to be his sole driving force
either. I don’t want his life to consist
of desperately trying to keep up on society’s hamster wheel, but rather to be
an exciting adventure of call and response to God. Toward that end, we can best guide the heart
of our children by honestly examining our own.
We need to look inward and parse our own desires before inadvertently
teaching them. For nurturing a heart
that’s focused on God, is emboldened to risk and faithfully utilize every
available resource for his kingdom – that’s
the kind of success a parent can be proud of. *****

If you liked this post, then check out Tiger Mom and French Musings. These articles help you examine other global parenting models and find out what you can take away as a Christian parent.Also, don't forget to sign up for my blog's email list to get a free printable! The printable is a lovely rendition of five scriptural promises you'll want your children to live by!