ISLAMABAD, Pakistan -- Since the politically convenient announcement that Osama bin Laden, the world’s most-wanted terrorist, was suddenly killed by The Expendables in Pakistan on Monday, American officials have been asking how Pakistani officials failed to notice that the Al Qaeda leader was living in the middle of a Pakistani army base.

In the nation’s first formal response to these suspicions, the Pakistani president has denied suggestions that his country’s security forces may have sheltered the terrorist, and said that neither he nor anyone else in Pakistan had any idea who they were talking about.

The president did say, however, that the operation that raided a sprawling palace where bin Laden was claimed to be killed was not conducted with Pakistani forces. "Because honestly, with the holy prophet as my witness, I swear that we have no idea who is this bin Laden fellow," insisted the president. "And after their Pat Tillman cover up, how can anyone trust these American liars?

"Some black hearts in the U.S. press keep suggesting that we actually sheltered some terrorist the world claimed to be pursuing. Such baseless speculation may make exciting cable news, but it is not at all convenient," President Asif Ali Zardari wrote in a Washington Post opinion piece. "Because the fact is that no one in Pakistan has any idea who they claim to have killed, or even if they did anything, there is no body, no proof, nothing but an obviously phony picture!"

While U.S. intelligence officials worked ten years to track bin Laden, the notorious terrorist was living in a resplendently suspicious $100 million marble palace surrounded by a 30 meter high privacy wall, with machine gun towers, and encircled by a 200 meter wide moat full of Piranha fish, with a gold trimmed wooden draw bridge, all just 10 meters from a top military headquarters.

UnNews Senior Editors are currently
spilling coffee on this related article:

"How could he be in such a palace without being noticed?" Sen. Lindsey Graham, R-S.C., told Fox News. "The place looked like the Taj Mahal, but with a huge moat around it," Graham stressed. But President Zardari clearly specified that neither he nor anyone in Pakistan had any idea who or what they were talking about, repeatedly asking the media, "bin who?"