Tag: anger

What is the purpose behind giving free expression of a strong emotion? (vent)

According to the above description, you have to be free (allowed) to express whatever strong emotion you are feeling and this is something you can achieve in the privacy of your own space and by free, I interpret that to mean, where there is little cause for the possibility of adverse repercussions. But, to what end, is my follow up question.

I will build a case in point surrounding anger. Rumored one of the strongest and most destructive emotions of all, if left unattended.

So what if you freely express anger or rage at a situation, you have no further moved towards any resolution/satisfaction if the party is not receptive or refuses to be receptive.

I know first hand the results of unleashing unbridled anger and great indignation in my own space; I was without a phone for close to a month, as a result. And what did it yield me? A momentary reprieve of actually visualizing the phone as someone’s head. And then it’s over. It wasn’t their head (or heart) and I am now without a phone.

Also, it only gives me more time to brood and feel the anger simmer beneath the epidermal surface, as I had just gotten rid of my one distraction. I didn’t want to read as that would make me depressed and in the battle of emotions, I chose (may always choose) to be angry instead of insecure and sad.

It didn’t magically present the opportunity that I needed, where had I been provided, I may have discussed my emotions in a more civilized manner. It didn’t make the perpetrator feel any more remorseful about their actions. They went on happy with their lives, Refusing to admit that they have dealt me a cold, hard, unfair and impacting blow. They are oblivious to my sleepless nights, dry cries and screams.

I vented, righteously, however, it did not yield my ultimate results.

I am not bashing the act of venting, because you really need to get things off your chest (hence I talk to myself primarily); however, you must evaluate how much better (or worse) off you would be after you have vented.

It becomes more tricky, if you decide to vent in front of any one person or the specific person that triggered the strong emotion. Yes, you are free to vent they tell you. You believe them, give them the benefit of the doubt that they will do something about the situation at hand and then you unleash all that you have been feeling and thinking and fearing………

PAUSE.

Two things can happen, (or have happened) in my experience:

YOU CAN BE MET WITH SILENCE. Resounding silence. Silence that gives you no more insight into a solution and only further contributes to your already frustrated state. I think when this happens, you are free to choose to interpret this deafening silence, how you like. So if you conclude that this person is cold-hearted, unyielding and selfish and that you are better off without this much cold in your life; you are justified. I personally resolve that I am much too used to tropical climates and that this extreme cold might just kill me. But doesn’t it still hurt? Don’t you believe you have opened up yourself and made yourself vulnerable (especially if you are obsessively private) only to be met with silence? I don’t care what is going on inside their head. I cannot read minds. Fair is fair, I trust you enough to talk, deal fair with me and extend to me the same regards.

THE OTHER PARTY STAYS QUIET DURING YOUR RIGHTEOUSLY INDIGNANT TIRADE…….. AND THAT IS IT!!! Ok. Let me disclaim, I have experienced both, first hand and I have not yet decided which is worst. Well, for sure, this one makes me really consider some soul-testing actions. Actions that are in direct contrast and exactly opposite to where I want the final resting place for my soul to be. Like seriously. I want to destroy something or someone. Just as how I feel they have charred and destroyed me. This one right now, is turning out to be a stick to my pride. You feel like these people are just thinking that all that needs to happen is that they suffer it out and once you are done, the entire matter is resolved. Talking does not need to take place, conversation does. Dialogues and exchanges need to take place; solutions cannot be had through monologues. Believe it or not, people are that STUPID!!! I won’t stop at stupid though, I too believe they are selfish, shallow, self-centred to believe that just by listening (without participating) an issue will resolve itself. I mean I have made a pledge to myself and if we are disengaging, I believe we should both hash out what we need to and then finally go our own ways. When this happens, I don’t feel any more resolved than if I had kept my mouth shut and kept it all in. I want to clobber the person for being so stupid, though.

The point is that both would eventually lead to a heart attack, as there is no sense of resolve and you are left in a worse off position.

None of the two above characterize meaningful and soulful communication (obviously) and none give any results if you are looking for discussion and compromise, even in your angered state.

If you are like me, impatient and impulsive (there couldn’t be a more terrible combination), you end up getting hurt more often than not. All because people are hypocrites (say one thing and do the opposite) and you realize that they didn’t really mean it when they said they will always care and compromise.

However, there are two sides to every story: my side and the receptors side, but this is not their forum. I am being selfish for once.

The feeling of betrayal, loss and disappointment. She acknowledged them for what they were and from whence they came. The knowledge, however, did nothing to quell the storm inside of her, building, simmering just below the surface; with enough force to implode. She herself wince in sympathy for the receiver of her delayed angry responses.

She reflects on the time, love and understanding she has invested. All with good intents.
Then she contrasted that with the sheer affrontations she had endured, defamation of character and prosecutions without justification or fair trial.
In retrospect, she walked right into the quagmire, fully conscious and aware. Maybe too aware. Now the loss, indescribable in its shock and blow to her system, that she has to suffer in silence.
Anger, mostly at herself, not ignoring though, the external injustices, courses through her system and turns every smile into a grimace. What’s even worse, this anger, should be nonexistent, as far as all are concerned. If there ever was a test to see how good her poker face is, this is it incarnate.
Pretend everything is OK, persons telling her to go to God etc. When all she wants to do is scream her heart out, until she is hoarse and in extension, until she feels no more. She knows she will never enact her anger or retaliate. It simply is not in her nature to exacerbate conflict.

This will never happen again and she will just absolve her losses, with lessons learnt. She hopes to exorcize the anger before it destroys her.
Why can’t she, at least once, just express it? Others have, hurled it at her time and again, with no care or regard for her feelings. She will feel too guilty, after, she knows. And God knows she has committed enough sins.

Her anger will just continue sending warning signs she will continue to ignore. Either way, it takes too much and she is just tired and desperately in need of rest. Her mind, however, has different plans for her waking moments and have intruded, on her retreat of sleep.
Sleep, that used to be her escape, is just another prison. Her thoughts have infiltrated the very place she has guarded, that she could go when she desperately needed escape, and cease to exist for those heavenly hours.