Where Miss Snark vented her wrath on the hapless world of writers and crushed them to sand beneath her T.Rexual heels of stiletto snark. The blog is dark--no further updates after 5/20/2007.

7.10.2006

oh dear dog, words fail me

Surfing around while sucking up the vegetable lo mein, I checked in at Making Light and got diverted by one of TNH's always fun particles and next thing you know I have nasal lo mein.... TMI? well, yea, .... so put down your beverages before reading this from my favorite POD-dy Mouth girl or you too will suffer as I have.

I read this one over the weekend. I was fortunate enough not to be drinking anything at the time, but my husband did rush to fetch my medication upon hearing my hysterical laughter, thinking I was having another one of my "episodes". Ahem. Sorry.

"I want to be very clear about something: Gynecological exams are never sexy. Absolutely never. Understand me: never. If only you had a cervix."

That reminds me of a recent conversation wherein I had to explain to a coworker why having a female doctor is not, Not, NOT an advantage during a physical. In fact, it makes "Turn your head and cough" MORE traumatic.

"I want to be very clear about something: Gynecological exams are never sexy. Absolutely never. Understand me: never. If only you had a cervix."

This reminds me of Agent Kristin's theme: Why most women wouldn't find waking up in a room with a strange man standing bedside sexy, and its corollary, Why this isn't a good opening to your friggin' romance novel.

It would have made me feel like a pretty good writer too, except I have a short story originally written in second person (later re-worked in third)... and yes, the style was inspired by BRIGHT LIGHTS BIG CITY.

I think I've read one of these. The one with the gyn scene. The author brought it in to my library, wanting to sell it to us. Left it with me to review. I had to write a "thanks but not right for our collection" letter. She never came back to pick up her review copy...it sat behind my desk for over a year. Yes, my reviewer eyes found that gyn exam scene right away and I struggled MIGHTILY to remain professional. Funny, these, when you don't see the person behind the book. I did, now I see this as all too sad. And pray to dog that no one will ever laugh at my book the way, I confess, I laughed at hers (behind closed doors, of course. I TRIED to remain professional.)

"I want to be very clear about something: Gynecological exams are never sexy. Absolutely never."

Reminds me of a date I once had.

Stewart O'Nan wrote A Prayer for the Dying in second person. I think I read the first paragraph about five times before I realized what he was doing. I liked the book, although I figured out the ending very early on.

The local library has recently put in a section where patrons can display there POD books for a month. There are about a dozen books in the section. I began reading, but decided I would put down each book at the first grammar/typographical/factual error. I made it to the second page of only one book, and then it self-destructed ("Washington," she said. I smiled. I knew it had to be the District of Columbus and not the State."

People often confuse the adverb awhile with the noun phrase a while. This is hardly surprising because they sound the same and the noun phrase can function like an adverb. In many cases both forms are acceptable. You can say It took a while to get down the hill, where a while functions like other noun phrases such as an hour or a long time. You can also say It took awhile to get down the hill, where awhile functions like the adverb phrase quite long or the comparative adverb longer.

You may want to be careful using a while after prepositions, where traditional grammar calls for a noun as object. Thus you should write I'll stay for a while, but not I'll stay for awhile. Without the preposition, either form is acceptable: I'll stay a while or I'll stay awhile.

Or should it be made me chuckle for a while? Who gave for so much influence? Might for awhile be an adverbial phrase? Holy Muddle of Prescription!

But this English professor I happen to live with never uses a while. It looks so first millenium, you know? Ergo, that, along with a more recent take on the subject (object?), guess I'll stick with it for a lot longer than awhile. This could be forever, or until an editor says differently. Then I don't care because (ME: bi cuase) it's off to publication after the goodness gets drizzled on awhile. (That was close; almost ended with a prep.)