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June 3, 2009

I've blogged before about the nudist colony that I grew up in, aka the Ludlow household. As you know, I am still traumatized by nakedness.

What you might not know is that there was no privacy in my house during other sacred acts as well. For example, potty time was party time in my house. Actual conversation from high school. "Hey, we need to have a family meeting. Oh, Stacy, you're in the bathroom, that's ok, we'll all just come in there". Ok, so maybe it didn't quite happen that way, but I think you understand what I'm saying.

So anyway, this is something that has haunted me throughout my adult life. After many years of people making fun of me, I have finally learned to pee in a public restroom even if I know who is next to me, though I still will try to go several stalls away. Don't get me wrong..just because I CAN pee with you sitting next to me, doesn't mean I think it should be done.

Here are some very vital rules to bathroom etiquette that I think the world is lacking.

1. If you are the office manager/receptionist/assistant/admin/busybody and you happen to sit at the front entrance to the office, don't comment on how many times someone has gone to the bathroom that day. Oh, Stacy, you're going AGAIN??? Yeah, so what?! I have a small bladder and I drink a lot of water!2. Don't comment on how long someone has been gone. Everyone deserves their own private potty time. Who cares if it took me 7 minutes. Maybe I made a phone call on the way. Maybe I stopped to help an old lady in to the stall. Maybe I had to wait for that same old lady to finish so that I could pee in private. Or maybe it just took me a while. Big Deal!!3. Don't talk to me in the bathroom. Talking just makes things take longer.4. If you see my shoes under the stall just pretend you didn't see me.5. Put the toilet seat down. Every day I walk in to the bathroom at work and the seats are up. IN THE LADIES ROOM! Now, I realize it's because the housekeeper (a dude) cleaned them that morning but come on!6. Replace the toilet paper roll if you use the last square. And when you replace that roll, be courteous and start the roll for the next person.7. Don't talk on your cell phone in the bathroom. The person on the other end will recognize the echo!8. Wash your hands...even if it was only #1. And don't get the paper towel first...that just germs up the paper towels for the rest of us people that know the proper procedure. Step 1. Turn on Water and run hands under it. Step 2. Get soap on hands, rub together and sing twinkle twinkle little star. This is how long you need to wash your hands for to get rid of the germs. Step 3. Rinse your hands. Step 4. Get paper towel and dry hands. Step 4. Use paper towel to open door (I learned this trick from Hilary West while she was a missionary) and discretely toss in garbage on the way out.