Heya again Poutlings

[NB: NSFW stands for NOT SAFE FOR WORK. I’m serious; don’t read it if you are not happy with anyone seeing your screen and/or browsing history, they will think you are a freak.]

Sex has been called many things: immoral, a gift from God, natural, beautiful, messy, fun, exciting and a bonding experience. It has also been called weird and strange.

Now, it has been a while since I’ve gone off a tangent in speaking, uttering and ranting about something I don’t know much about, apart from what I’ve read (I’m good at reading and jumping to conclusions – it happens to be one of my skills!) however, I think its long overdue now that I bring to your attention that there are plenty of strange and weird strange sexual practices that still go on today. I’m warning you for the last time this blog contains unnerving text with some swearing, so really, if you do not like it, stop reading now and then you will feel better about life.

Here is a picture of a happy cat, well, because maybe if you don’t want to read this stop now.

Agalmatohilia

Agalmatophilia is a paraphilia concerned with the sexual attraction to a statue, doll, mannequin or other similar figurative object. The attraction may include the ACTUAL desire of having sexual (or non-sexual) encounters between the objects themselves, or sexual pleasure gained from thoughts of being transformed or transforming another into the preferred object. Agalmatophilia may also encompass Pygmalionism which describes a state of love for an object of one’s own creation… ‘OH CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES….’ haha. Seriously, did anyone ever watch Lars and the Real Girl? Because ONLY now like a year after watching it, it’s starting to make sense to me.

Nyotaimori

Nyotaimori (female body presentation), sometimes referred to as “body sushi” is the practice of eating sashimi or sushi from the body of a woman, typically in the nude… or NEKKID! Nantaimori refers to the same practice of using a male model. This sexual fetish is a subdivision of food play. As a result of being served on a human body, the temperature of the sushi or sashi comes closer to body temperature. Before becoming a living sushi platter, the person is trained to lie down for hours without moving. She, or he, must also be able withstand the prolonged exposure to the cold food. Body hair, including any short and curlys would also be waxed and/or shaved. Before the service the individual would take a bath using a special fragrance free soap and then finish off with a splash of cold water to cool the body down somewhat for the sushi. Does Julias Malema swing to your mind when reading that? haha. I have a serious question here, is it inappropriate to use chopsticks in this scenario?

Pony Play

Pony play is a form of bondage that involves a “pony” and a rider. The pony is often outfitted with straps, a leather saddle, blinders, reigns and a bit in the mouth. The rider, sometimes utilizing either a riding crop or a whip, either gets pulled in a cart or rides the pony directly. The principle theme of animal role-play is usually the voluntary or involuntary reduction (or transformation) of a human being to animal status, and focus on the altered mind-space created. The common examples are probably canids (pup, dog, wolf), felines (cat, kitten, lion) *cough*, Courtney Stodden, or equines (pony, horse) or I suppose a turtle, if you have a thing for a turtle. PETA really can’t be happy about this…

Cannibal Fantasies

These fantasies are obviously pretty self explanatory. On the Deviant Desires website (based on the book of the same name), Katharine Gates explains that some people actually bring these fantasies to life in consentual role playing. One of her friends “..painted a woman’s nude body with dotted lines to represent cuts of meat.” One very tasteful website, Muki’s Kitchen, features photographs of female models trussed up in pans filled with vegetables, stuffed with apples and carrots in every possible orifice. Thus, erotic feeding, messy fun, bondage, gags and vaginal or anal penetration may be incorporated into this practice. Really? WTF…

now if this isn’t ALTERNATIVE modelling I don’t know what is… ha ha ha

Pseudonecrophilia

Unlike real necrophilia, this is actually legal (not that it’s a good thing…)! It is as simple as it sounds – one partner remains quiet… and still, while the other has sex with him/her. For added realism the “pseudo-dead” partner can lie in cold water for a while before the act! This particular practice received some notoriety, thanks to its appearance in the show Law and Order: Special Victims Unit… and that’s how I knew about this. Doesn’t make it any LESS creepy though.

Salirophilia

Christina used to sing about… DIRTY!

Salirophilia is a sexual fetish or paraphilia that involves deriving erotic pleasure from soiling or dishelving the object of one’s desire, usually an attractive person. It may involve tearing or damaging of clothing, covering them in mud, or filth or messing their hair or makeup. The fetish does not involve harming or injuring the subject – only their appearance. The fetish sometimes manifests itself in the defacing of statues or pictures of attractive people, especially celebrities. The fetishist finds this sexually exciting, rather than mere vandalism. They sometimes form collections of defaced art for future enjoyment. Anyone have the Spear painting of Zuma spring to their minds? haha.

The Spear painting of President Jacob Zuma after the “defacing” took place.

Mummification

Borrowed from the Ancient Egyptians. Mummification as a BDSM bondage practice involves restraining a living person’s body in a non-damaging way by wrapping it head to toe, or neck to toe in materials like cling film, cloth, bandages rubber strips, duct tape, plaster, bandages, body bags or strait jackets. While playing WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN in the background. Just kidding on the last part, if they need any of the Bangles music playing in background, I’d suggest Eternal Flame. The end result is a person completely immobilized and looking like an Egyptian mummy, with the curses. They may then either be left bound in a state of effective sensory deprivation for a period of time, or sensually stimulated in their state of bondage, before being released from their wrappings.

Autopederasty

Autopederasty is the near-impossible act of sticking one’s own fully erect penis into one’s own rectum. Yes. You read that right. Only a small percentage of people can do it, but it is possible! (if you have a penis, I don’t and I’m sure the majority of our Pout readers don’t have their own penis). There is apparently a porno called “Go Fuck Yourself” that is devoted to this act, even going so far as to instruct people on how to do it. There are two other more familiar variants of this practice: Autofellatio is when a man gives himself oral sex and then; there is autocunnilingus, where a woman gives herself oral sex.

Somnophilia

Sleeping Beauty’s Prince Charming was certainly a somnophiliac. These are people who get off on awakening a sleeping person, and I can only assume the sleeping person would probably just get pissed off.

Emetophilia, also known as Erotic Vomiting

Talk about blowing chunks! Obviously, the words “erotic” and “vomitting” are not often used together. However, they do have similarities: both trigger the release of hormones that make you feel better; both are caused by stimulus; and for men at least, both involve having fluids forced through a tube and out of an orifice. The primary dissimilarity is that most people do not associate throwing up with a pleasurable experience. Dr. Robert J. Stoller, a renowned sexologist and psychiatrist, begs to differ. He discusses the cases of three women: The first woman doesn’t do the Technicolor yawn herself instead, “…I can reach a sure orgasm by imagining someone vomiting in hard, humiliating fashion…”; The second woman actually experiences an orgasm every time she throws up; The third and final woman describes it like this “…vomiting for me is like…an orgasm in that I’m tensed, I feel the intense flood of good feelings almost continually throughout the vomiting experience relief and quiet warmth of my body when I’m finished. IT is not identical to an orgasm. I do not feel it intensely in my genitals alone but I do feel it there as well as the rest of my body and…In my mouth…” There is also a practice known as Roman-Showers which is to become aroused by being vomited upon. Maybe this is why Bulimia is so common?

I don’t know the technical term: ARMPIT SEX…

Raise your arm if you want a peen in your armpit. Sometimes referred to as “pocket of paradise”. What? All your hands are down apart from these?

Hybristophilia

Otherwise known as “Bonnie and Clyde syndrome“, these people get incredibly turned on by someone who has committed a heinous crime. This explains why serial killers get propositioned when they’re locked up.

aren’t they gorgeous? – not! some of the most infamous serial killers become heart throbs after being aquitted of heinous crimes.

Teratophilia

Teratophilia is the sexual attraction to deformed or monstrous people. One version of Teratophilia is acrotomphilia, sexual attraction to amputees. Considerable commercial and amateur erotica is published apparently targeting people with such sexual attraction. Persons attracted to amputees in particular are said to be engaging in amputee fetishism.