Contents

Now that there is the Tec-9, cheap little spray gun outta South Miami. They advertise this Tec-9 as the most popular gun in American crime. Do you believe that shit? It actually says that in the little book that comes with it: the most popular gun in American crime. Like they're actually proud of that shit.

AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.

[to Beaumont] You know man, I hate be the kind of nigga that do a nigga a favor and then Bam! hit the nigga up for a favor in return, but I gots to be that kinda nigga.

Beaumont: I'm still scared as a motherfucker, O.D. They talking like they serious as hell giving me time for that machine gun shit.

Ordell: Aw, come on, man, they just trying to put a fright in your ass.

Beaumont: Well, if that's what they doin', they done did it.

Ordell: How old is that machine gun shit?

Beaumont: About three years...

Ordell: Three years? That's a old crime, man! They ain't got enough room for all the niggas running around killing people today, now how are they gonna find room for you?

Beaumont: Man, you must be out of your fuckin' mind if you think I'm gonna get in this dirty-ass trunk.

Ordell: We ain't going nowhere but to Koreatown, man. You ain't gonna be locked in here no more than ten minutes.

Beaumont: I ain't ridin' in no trunk for no minute, man.

...

Beaumont: I just ain't getting in no goddamn, dirty-ass trunk man. I got a problem with small places.

Ordell: Well I got a problem with spending ten thousand dollars on ungrateful, peanut-head nigga to get 'em out of jail, but I did it!

Louis: Who's that?

Ordell: That's Beaumont.

Louis: Who's Beaumont?

Ordell: An employee I had to let go.

Louis: What'd he do?

Ordell: He put himself in a position where he was going to have to do ten years in prison, that's what he did. And if you know Beaumont, you know ain't no goddamn way he can do ten years. And if you know that, then you know Beaumont's gonna do anything Beaumont can to keep from doing them ten years, including telling the federal government any and every muthafuckin' thing about my black ass. Now that, my friend, is a clear-cut case of him or me. And you best believe it ain't gonna be me.

[Louis and Melanie are looking at a picture]

Melanie: That's Japan.

Louis: Uh, looks like... I can... It shows...

Melanie: Wanna fuck?

Louis: Yeah.

[three minutes later]

Melanie: That was fun.

Louis: Yeah, that hit the spot.

Melanie: Now, we can catch up.

Louis: Yeah. [heavy breathing] Got a beer?

Melanie: Sure. In the fridge.

Ordell: This you and me talking, is this like a lawyer-client thing, and you can't repeat nothing I tell you?

Max: You're not my client until you get busted and I bond you out.

Ordell: Well, if we ain't got no - what's that shit called? - confidentiality, why should I tell you a thing?

Max: Because you want me to know what a slick guy you are. You got stewardesses bringing you fifty grand.

Ordell: Now why would a stewardess be bringing me fifty grand?

Max: Now you want me to speculate on what you do. My guess is you're in the drug business, except the money's moving the wrong way. Whatever you're into, you seem to be getting away with it, so more power to you.

Louis: [on having sex with Melanie] I just felt strange, you know, I thought, if she was your girlfriend...

Ordell: But you fucked her anyway?

Louis: Well...

Ordell: Well, I hope you felt appropriately guilty about it afterwards.

Louis: Afterwards, I did.

[They both laugh]

Cockatoo Bartender: What's your drink, brother?

Ordell: Let me have a screwdriver, homes.

Cockatoo Bartender: And what about you?

Jackie: Oh, I'm fine.

Cockatoo Bartender: Yes you are.

[they all laugh, the bartender leaves]

Ordell: Goddamn, girl, you come in here on a Saturday night, I bet you need nigga repellant to keep them muthafuckas off your ass.

Ordell: Is that what I think it is?

Jackie: What do you think it is?

Ordell: I think it's a gun pressed up against my dick.

Jackie: Well, you thought right. Now take your hands off from around my throat, nigga.

Jackie: Now sooner or later, they're gonna get around to offering me a plea deal, and you know that. That's why you came here to kill me.