Having obviously broken the bank buying a Love Sex Machine to satisfy his younger girlfriend's sexual needs, Orgasm Army reviewer keith.b is clearly keen to break into the gonzo video market to make some money back. What follows is the account of a pretty intense session - we're not sure whether you should or shouldn't try this at home... and if anyone takes the reviewer up on his offer of a video, please leave us a comment and let us know what it's like! The other reviews of this hi-tech toy (which we've shown in a short film - educational, of course) also wax lyrical about the machine: one woman tells us that 'I shake with excitment when I'm going to use it'. So what are you waiting for?

Following on from Tracey Cox's 10 Good Reasons To Masturbate, here are six sexy ways to make your masturbating much more erotic. And for those of you yet to try masturbating (what are you waiting for?), these positions are ideal for encouraging you to explore your body and discover what turns you on.

Masturbation is not something to just 'get out of the way'. And it can be a hell of a lot more enjoyable than just using it as a release of pent-up sexual tension. Regular masturbation leading to regular orgasms will actually make it a lot easier for you to orgasm through sex with your lover, which is great news for those of you who normally find it difficult to orgasm through penetrative sex.

More weird news from the wonderful world of sex... If you thought your Lovehoney Silver Jessica Rabbit Vibrator was the height of urbane sophistication, think again - your hairy, flea-infested prehistoric ancestor probably had one too. Although perhaps without a set of batteries...

The Sun yesterday ran a baffling article (baffling for those, like me, who are baffled by football, anyway) about an ongoing wrangle between Crystal Palace chairman Simon Jordan and Birmingham City bosses David Sullivan (Sunday Sport owner and all-round porn baron) and David Gold, co-owner of Ann Summers and smut rag company Gold Star Publishers.

Sick of your furry friend humping strangers' ankles? Tired of taking trousers to the drycleaners to have the pawprints and suspect white stains removed? Stop being so bloody selfish and buy your dog a Hotdoll.

Man's best friend's new best friend is a plastic dog with one hole (just the one!) for poop penetration. The manufacturers (Feel Addicted) advise, in slightly garbled English, that 'the pink hole beside (the most important part!) needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons. Once clean, you can apply some female odour spray on it (the spray is an accessorie) several times per month, when your dog seems sexually hungry or nervous.'

So next time your poodle whimpers after catching a glimpse of next-door's Dobermann, let him bury his anxieties in Hotdoll's hot pink rubber sleeve.

Five Easy Ways To Enjoy Anal Sex

Loads of people secretly want to try anal sex, but even in this 'modern' age where people are becoming more open to erotic experimentation, anal sex still carries a taboo.

However, there is a reason why so many people enjoy the use of anal sex toys - when done properly, anal play can add a whole new dimension of pleasure to your sex life. Many people are astounding by the new sensations and powerful orgasms they can experience during anal play and anal sex.

Anal sex should never be painful. If it is, slow down or stop completely, and remember that pain is your body's way of letting you know something is wrong. ,

Follow the five easy steps to enjoy anal sex below to ensure your first approach to anal sex is one of the most fulfilling sexual experiences you've ever had.

A couple of mildly diverting sex-related stories spotted in the papers: The Sun adds to that old tabloid standby, the inappropriate 999 call, the story of a man calling the police after his wife refused to have sex with him. Apparently he complained that he was being denied his 'matrimonial rights' and wanted an ambulance crew to 'examine' her. The request was denied. To read the full story click here. For similar situations we recommend Fleshlights or, if the object for the couple was an actual medical examination, our broad range of medical toys.