armed and really really dangerous

New Iowa Law Lets Blind People Carry Guns In Public, Because Of Course It Does

Oh Iowa, we have loved you long time. As the home of the Iowa State Fair, you have oft blessed us with Republican presidential candidates fellating corn dogs and every other thing that can be fried on a stick, and you are the home of Steve King, the sexiest swing-set, cantaloupe calfing Congresscritter there ever was. But now we are mad at you Iowa, because now your new law has stole all our jokes and made it impossible to come up with hilariously clever metaphors full of swears that are dumber than your new law.

Behold! Gun permits, for the blind, in public.

In a move sure to leave gun safety advocates scratching their heads, Iowa is issuing gun permits to the blind.

The permits allow legally blind applicants to purchase weapons and carry them in public. Per state law, any attempt to deny an Iowan these rights based on physical ability would be illegal, reports the Des Moines Register.

Now we have really seen it all, Iowa. And we do think being blind would probably suck very hard, and agree that there should be laws that aid in making the lives of those with every kind of disability easier. But just because you call yourself “The Hawkeye State” does not mean that everyone there has hawkeyes, or that everyone should be equal in the eyes of the law all the time, no? And please do not think we are just being dicks when we say that blind people should probably not be pilots, or surgeons, or hairdressers, or NASCAR drivers, or any kind of drivers at all, much less concealed carry gun permit owners, you know?

There is just nothing dumber we can think of than thinking it is a good idea for blind people to carry guns. Even the go-to for all blind jokes about truly overcoming the blind thing and being amazingly fabulous, Stevie Wonder, took the wheel and “offered his thoughts on gun control in an interview with CNN’s Piers Morgan. ‘Imagine me with a gun,’ he said. ‘It’s just crazy.'” Why do you hate blind people, Stevie Wonder? Oh, because it is crazy? We see your point.

But Michael Barber, some blind guy who was in a gun store and thereby an automatic expert on the topic, does not see your point. He thinks, “When you shoot a gun, you take it out and point and shoot, and I don’t necessarily think eyesight is necessary.” But how do you know what you are pointing at Michael Barber? People you need to shoot will not usually play Marco Polo with you so that you can get a clear shot. And what about people with no hands? They can’t really “take it out” if they don’t have those? Are we going to make sure everyone can have feet guns too?

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Of course, Iowa does have one of the highest obesity rates in the US, so blind gun owners randomly standing their seeing eye dog in public might have a better chance of hitting something, or someone? But that still doesn’t make it a good idea, or funny or even fun to make fun of. We’re just gonna take a shot in the dark here (haha, yeah, fuck us) and say it is probably just dumb.