Costello Buys a Computer

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to really understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on. If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, "Who's on First?" might have turned out something like this:

ABBOTT:.......... Super Duper Computer Store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO:..... Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT:.......... Mac?

COSTELLO:..... No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT:.......... Your computer?

COSTELLO:..... I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT:.......... Mac?

COSTELLO:..... I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT:.......... Do you want a computer with Windows?

COSTELLO:..... I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?

ABBOTT:.......... Wallpaper.

COSTELLO:..... Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT:.......... Software for Windows?

COSTELLO:..... No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals track expenses and run my business. What do you have?

ABBOTT:.......... Office.

COSTELLO:..... Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT:.......... I just did.

COSTELLO:..... You just did what?

ABBOTT:.......... Recommend something.

COSTELLO:..... You recommended something?

ABBOTT:.......... Yes.

COSTELLO:..... For my office?

ABBOTT:.......... Yes.

COSTELLO:..... OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT:.......... Office.

COSTELLO:..... Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT:.......... I recommend Office with Windows.

COSTELLO:..... I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT:.......... Word.

COSTELLO:..... What word?

ABBOTT:.......... Word in Office.

COSTELLO:..... The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT:.......... The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO:..... Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT:.......... The Word you get when you click the blue "W".

COSTELLO:..... I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?