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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Codswallop

Last night it snowed for the first time this winter, meaning Gary had to be at work to make sure those planes got de-iced. Sarah also had somewhere to be, so I found myself at home with no one to talk to but Brutus. (He's a surprisingly good listener.) Once the conversation had run dry, I decided to watch a movie. I let Brutus pick (since he never gets to) so of course we ended up watching Love Actually. It's his favorite, little softie that he is.

As I was watching it, I had a revelation. My life would be so much more interesting if i had a British accent.

Can I get an amen? Think about it! Everything I said would automatically carry more weight and come out sounding about ninety-five percent wiser.

It would open up a whole world of phrases that would just sound awkward if I said them now. I'd be able to say things like "kipper" and "bugger off" and "I think I'll pop over for some tea," but the thought of me saying those things now in my increasingly Midwestern accent* just makes me feel like a weirdo.

It couldn't hurt my popularity, either. Think about it. Renee Zellwegger in Bridget Jones' Diary > Renee Zellwegger in anything else. The difference? British accent. Also the fact that she never married Kenny Chesney in Bridget Jones.

Don't worry though, I'm not about to start faking one, because there's nothing I can think of that I find more irritating than a poorly executed fake British accent. Other than maybe a poorly executed fake southern accent. I just thought I'd let you in on the kind of ridiculous crap I tend to think about when I'm left to my own devices.

*A couple of months ago someone asked me where I was from, and I said Texas. They said they would have guessed Minnesota. I cried for a week.