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Wedding Planning is Hard…

I was hoping to avoid getting mired in the details myself with the planning of our wedding. At least, that was the plan when we initially discussed not planning until after the holidays. I had these visions of sitting back, being blissfully unaware of all the legwork, details, dealing with weeding out selections for food, venue, etc. I had thought that I could stay detached and just give my final consent on whatever decisions had been made, as while I can deal with most kinds of stress, this personal stuff really gets me in my gut.

However, it’s already becoming apparent, just a few days after “the holidays” are over, that I’m going to have to be more involved. Partly it’s because Cathy’s already stressing out and feeling overwhelmed. Partly it’s because as she’s starting to initially look into these things, I realize that it’s better to give my input sooner rather than later. And partly it’s because it’d be a real bastard move on my part to just let her deal with everything on her own. But mostly, I think it’s because, despite how I thought I’d feel about it, I really want to be involved1.

What complicates matters somewhat is that we’re planning to pay for everything ourselves. This will actually help force us to keep things small (read: affordable) and things in-check. I know I’m definitely not the type for those big elaborate weddings with hundreds of guests, big to-dos, and all sorts of extravagances. I’ve been to those types of weddings, and they’re…not my thing at all. Something smaller and more intimate, probably under 100 people, is more my style. I’m lucky that Cathy feels the same way.

As far as dates go, we’re still shooting for sometime in March of 2008, though that might change based on venue availability. Neither of us are seriously considering a church wedding at this point, since we’re both oh-so-incredibly religious. Honest. We don’t know where that whiff of brimstone comes from when we walk into a place of worship. It’s purely coincidence, as is the rising temperature in the room. I think the current plan is to find a hotel or some other place that can accomodate both the wedding itself and the reception, though that might change as we explore our options.

The same issues with having the ceremony in a church is going to probably affect our choice of an officiant. Fortunately we have several friends who are qualified to perform, and have performed, weddings. That could be an interesting solution, as having a friend do the honors would mean we at least avoid a lot of the rigmarole that would go along with a traditional approach. Also, if I remember correctly, in Maryland as long as the couple recognizes and acknowledges the authority of the person performing the ceremony, they’re qualified. We definitely need to look into that…

As much as I don’t even want to think about the food2 right now, it basically comes bundled with the location. Joy. We’ll have to get a better estimate of how many people we want first. Then there’s music, a photographer, flowers3, etc. Those, at least, should be things we can put off for a while. Maybe I should look at the insane book of lists that Cathy picked up, broken down by time until the wedding, just so we don’t get ahead of ourselves.

At least the cake is mostly taken care of, as we’ve already talked with the best cake artist we know, Cathy’s sister’s mother-in-law, who has done all the cakes for Cathy’s nephews’ birthdays, Cathy’s graduation, and so forth, all of them excellent. One detail’s taken care of! Whee!

Now, how about that drink?

Cathy now tells me, several hours after she found out I started this, that she’s glad I came to this conclusion on my own[back]

And what kind of alcohol to have. I’ve always, as a guest, preferred the open bar approach, though a cash bar is…acceptable too[back]

But two people have recommended just getting them from the grocery store. Maybe if costs are getting out of control[back]

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3 Comments

Yep. Wedding planning is hard. Good thing you guys left yourselves 15 months to do it. Smart move.

On the alcohol front (hey, we gotta have our priorities), I think you’ll find that “open bar” and “keep things small (read: affordable)” aren’t compatable concepts. At least that’s what we found. The option of “wine on the couple, everything else is cash bar” worked out for us. We were also given the option of having an open bar with a cost limit, after which point it would convert to a cash bar, but we went with the wine option instead. Our guests have told us they couldn’t find the bottom of their wine glasses, but it didn’t wind up breaking the bank either.

Good luck and enjoy it. Wedding planning can actually be fun for the groom if approached correctly 🙂

I suppose we could do the wine thing. I know we’re all approaching the “alcohol snob” level, preferring all the top-shelf stuff, but I’d be interested in the price differential between top-shelf and something….not that pricy. Which I suppose is part of why I’m getting involved. I have my own ideas on a budget and what I’m comfortable with, along with what I consider the priority items. We’ll really have to see what the per-person reception costs are before making an ultimate decision on anything. At the very least, there will be some sort of alcohol there, as I know for a fact that I don’t like dry weddings at all.

Fortunately, so far Cathy & I seem to be in the same ballpark, if not precisely the same page. The only thing I most definitely don’t wont to go through are those bridal shows… Let the bridesmaids, matron of honor, my mother, etc, go to those instead of me. 🙂