Its the end of Yet another weekIsrael is home . I was so glad to see him but I was afraid that I wouldnt have felt the same way about him before he left. My feelings were so strong for him....

Well we talked a little.. and he told me he missed me but I could tell right away that it wasnt the same,my feelings for issy isnt as strong as it was.... my worst nightmare is coming true.

Yesterday i was over at his house and we ended up f-ukin eachother. but it was the most emotionless f-k i have ever felt with him.

sex with him was always great! now, its like any other..I've lost my attraction for him.

I could sit here and cry cos I want back what we used to have.

i feel more pain in my heart but i guess i'm ready to let go

it just wasnt meant to be.

Prior to this I havent had sex in 4 months since he left... so sex left me really sore afterwards.....then later in the night he wanted to have sex again but after he tried. i was like no.. i cant cos i'm sore and its just going to hurt me , .... its like he doesnt even care about that,,, alll hes concerned about is getting some.

we argued about it for a while then he finally quit asking... we put back on our clothes and I ended up leaving shortly after.

i told him he was an A$$hole and that he didnt really care about me..

i apologised for calling him an A- hole before i left and hugged him

today i tried calling him cos i packed up some food for him to eat.. but his phone is off.

i suppose hes shutting me out..

i miss him , i miss the times we used to have but I guess its finally time to move on without him

i hate that this is happening to me. i hate not having him around in my life.