Wednesday, June 19

I got my registration date for my fall semester, so I diligently checked whether there are any issues with my registration and of course one of my classes says I don't have the pre-reqs because of the way they put my credits in the system. As well, the lab course only has 5 spots available and so of course it's already full.
The adult thing I've done: email the department well before I have to register so that the issues can be resolved.

I started my student loan application, but this year the bf and I are technically considered to be common-law married ... so I have to get a new form that he has to fill out and submit before I submit my application. They want to make sure that he isn't making enough money to support both our living AND paying for me to go to school.
The adult thing I've done: print out the form and get it filled out and mailed by the end of the week so I can submit my application.

Making spaghetti sauce today from scratch.. and by scratch I mean I bought cans of tomato sauce and am just adding my own spices and flavors. Plus later I'm going to cook some rotini and bake the pasta in a container with cheese on top... because I'm a stress eater and it's comfort food. NO JUDGING!
The adult thing I've done: fed my family so they don't starve.

To MAKE the sauce I realized I'd have to do some dishes.. so I had a sink full of dishes soaking right now because I hate having to scrub for a half an hour when I can just let it SIT for a half an hour and then scrub for about five minutes.
The adult thing I've done: clean my shit up.

PLUS .. I was looking again at my courses over the next two years and it's possible I DON'T have to do another term in school... which is awesome. I'd much rather not be in school longer than I have to. BIG weight off my shoulders.

ok.. now I have to eat some food because I've been up since 10:30am and haven't eaten yet. Hope you all are having a good Wednesday!

Monday, June 17

everyone is posting about their registration dates for fall semester.... they are all happy and excited.

I haven't gotten my date yet. I haven't even been contacted regarding my promotion to 3rd year. Apparently they are still deciding. Even though I had a 75% average this past term.. and a 77% average the term before that.

It makes me want to scream! I had ONE bad term where I failed a course and I feel like it's haunting me and following me around. Just like my mothers passing... I feel like demons are just constantly trailing behind me.

and I just went through my credits and it seems like I'm missing like 5 300+ level credits... wtf dude. It's effing impossible to get 300+ level electives because most have pre-reqs that are 100 or 200 level. So I might be in school for one more term.

Tuesday, June 11

according to webMD.... I might be dying. I'm on two weeks straight with basically the same headache. I'm starting to wonder what it feels like to be normal. Although I was never really normal. Who wants to be normal anyway? Normal is boring.

this is my last week of a full week of classes... then it's just Mondays until I find out if I'm working for the rest of the summer. If not, then I must go out and find a big girl job... but if I DO work the rest of the summer. Well then, *happy dance*

On a different note, I miss school... how fucking sad is that? I'm actually looking forward to being back in school in the fall. I think it's just cuz it keeps me busy. I like using my brain... keeps me going. Right now I have FAR too much time on my hands. I'm trying to finish the 5th book in the Game of Thrones series... my goal is to finish it in two weeks so I can start on another series.... most likely the Hannibal series. The show is super gory and makes me want to read the books.

Thursday, June 6

I had a dream last night with a bunch of friends in it. While it might not seem weird, the weird part is, most of these friends I haven't talked to in a long time. Like years. Except one, a friend I haven't talked to in only a few weeks. I'll set the scene:

I was in a mall (always in the middle of a dream, just like Inception said)... and I see a group of women. It looks like a support group of some kind. They are talking about gender stereotypes or something... how hard it is to be a lesbian in today's world. (fucked if I know why they are in the middle of a mall)

I see a girl who I used to know as Rainbow Skittle (or something to that affect) and another who was from Belize.. both of which I haven't talked to in years.

Then I see my friend who I talked to recently (let's call her D)... and so I wave at her... then she breaks down crying and walks off with the other two girls. (It was really fucking bizarre, I don't even think those girls knew each other IRL)

So I feel super bad, and I leave... but suddenly I'm outside at a park/university campus/apartment complex. I start walking around and I see a guy friend who I haven't talked to in over a year Alex... and I wave. Then I look over and see a black bear momma and her cub. Both Alex and I start running... we get to this stack of bails of hay and start climbing. Alex gets up, but then I get stuck and I fear the bear is about to attack me.

and I wake up.

I wake up utterly and completely terrified. Even though I know it's a dream and the bear isn't going to kill me... I can't get to sleep for another hour afterwards.

When I finally DO get to sleep .. I dream about my ex's family inviting me and the bf to their house for dinner... which is completely odd because:

1. they live on the other side of the country
2. they probably have about as much desire to see me as I do to see them (none)

but there are other people there who shouldn't be... friends I know from here who were there for some reason. I'm trying to track them down in a grocery store during Halloween and everyone is dressed up. Strange part is ..everyone is dressed the same.

*creepy*

I once heard that we fill our dreams with people we know. This means that if there is a stranger in your dream, it's not really a stranger... just someone you may have met or seen at some point in your life. I believe this... my dreams always seem to involve people I know.. but in odd or strange situations that they would never be in under normal circumstances.

Basically this means that in some time in the future you might be starring in my dream... but you might not like what you are doing... and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.

Wednesday, June 5

my head has been pounding for days now .... not a migraine, but a headache. Not to diminish it, cuz this headache is still really painful and annoying. I just want to lay in bed and do nothing. Instead I have to go to work. I do like my job... but I really dislike doing it when I have a headache.

this love/hate relationship leads me back to humpday.... so I'm going to share some more songs I love to hate.

reason I love this song - it's an awesome song
reason I hate this song - every time I hear it, I can't help but picture Liv Tyler and Alicia Silverstone in the video.

reason I love this song - it's got a great beat and I love the bass line
reason I hate this song - the one lyric in the song, "maybe I should just kill myself"

reason I love this song - who doesn't love this song?
reason I hate this song - every time you hear this song played in a bar people sing the Britney Spears version.

reason I love this song - because it's Bif Naked and she rocks my shit.
reason I hate this song - I can't scream like her and it makes me jealous

reason I love this song - it's Weezer and it's amazeballs.
reason I hate this song - my ex used to sing it at karaoke and it reminds me of him.

this concludes another edition of love/hate songs... hope you all enjoyed!

Tuesday, June 4

this weekend we got a new fridge.... well, not new.. but new to us. It's really a good thing because it's bigger than our old fridge and we can actually fit more than a single loaf of bread in the freezer.

Sunday night we were moving it in, while moving the old fridge into a closet and trying to clean up the mess left behind. This means there was stuff everywhere and a big mess..... which lead to... a panic attack.

At one point I sat in the bedroom in the corner just crying... I don't even know why it was such a big deal... I think it was just because I wasn't prepared for it... I wasn't part of the decision-making process.. it was just sprung on me. I don't do well with "surprises" ... in fact, I HATE surprises.

I hate the unknown... I hate not being prepared.. I hate not being able to be mentally prepared for things. Unless it's my idea.... when it's MY surprise ... I love it. I love doing spur of the moment stuff... just getting in the car and having an adventure. Yet when other people try to do the same for me.. I freak the eff out.

Speaking of adventure ... this month is SO busy. I have work all this week then this weekend I'm volunteering at the dog agility competition. Next weekend I'm going to a reunion. The weekend after I have a birthday party... it's insane. YOWZA, eh?

Thursday, May 30

...is finally not bothering me anymore, now that my head isn't hurting nearly as bad as it did last night.

As I was laying in bed last night, pulling the cold pillow down over my head because I felt like I was on fire and battling the urge to throw up... I didn't think it was ever going to end. I would have given the world for just a minute of reprise from the pain.

I really fucking hate migraines.

I don't know who of you out there get migraines.... but I get them on a semi-regular basis. They are the worst kind of pain I've ever had.. and I've had 2 major surgeries and 2 minor ones before the age of 20.

you try to distract yourself from the pain.... and maybe fore 30s you do... but then it will ALWAYS come back in full force blinding pain. You just want to curl up in a ball and cry, but crying only makes it worse. Last night I also had a bad bout of nausea to go along with my pounding head.

Thankfully I didn't throw up because I'm not one of those people that just throw up once... Once it starts I do it over and over and over again. Near the end I drink water I know I'm going to throw up simply because I prefer throwing up something to dry heaving.

In any case, I'm on the day hill of this migraine.. and I'm starting to feel normal again. I'm not feeling like the world is going to end. SO here's a song!