I shared this story in another thread, but I figured the majority of the pit would get a kick out of this.

So basically, this was about a month ago, at the time the fat bassist from my old band was mooching of me and living in my house. Basically, I was sitting in my living room playing my acoustic guitar, when I heard my mom pull into the garage. I quickly got up to help her bring in groceries.

I walk into the *******, and see the fat bassist sitting at the counter with his laptop, jacking off to porn. I wouldv'e stopped him before my mom walked in and saw, but it was already too late.. He was already at the point of no return.. He heard my mom walking up to the entrance from the garage to the *******, and as I walked in, he turned around and saw me, and just looked me in the eye and screamed as loud as he could, "DUDE GET THE ****ING TOWEL!!"

At this point we heard the doorknob start to turn, and we knew it was too late. My mon walked in just in time to see him blow his load all over the countertop and floor, and all over his laptop screen. She was not happy..