How Much PDA is Okay in Front of Your Kids?

When a couple first gets together, the honeymoon phase is real: constant affection, the need to be touching the other person, lots of hugging and kissing occur. When it’s just the two of you, this is effortless and perfectly acceptable as no one else is around to observe and react. Once a baby or kids are in the mix, however, how appropriate are public displays of affection?

That's the question one soon-to-be parent posed on Reddit recently. Reddit user monamourmonami said that she and her husband have been together for 10 years and are expecting their first child. "We're always hugging each other, holding hands and kissing/making out," she wrote. "In public we keep it clean, but our friends always tease us cause we can't keep our hands off each other. I'm wondering what to do when the baby is around. Like it's ok to kiss and obviously nothing sexual in front of our kid but Is it ok for our child to see so much display of affection between her parents?"

For the most part, commenters felt that showing your partner affection was good modeling behavior for children. Some commenters cautioned that a line should be drawn between affection and foreplay, however. Other commenters lamented their own parents' lack of public affection and wished that they had seen better examples so they themselves would feel comfortable being affectionate in front of their own children. Many also noted that when their younger children saw their parents being affectionate, they wanted to join in, requesting hugs and kisses for themselves.

According to Mayra Mendez, Ph.D., LMFT, a licensed psychotherapist and program coordinator for intellectual and developmental disabilities and mental health services at Providence Saint John’s Child and Family Development Center in Santa Monica, California, showing affection in front of your little ones is perfectly healthy. "[It's] important for building secure attachment and reinforcing social-emotional development in babies and toddlers," she says. In other words, when you and your partner openly show affection toward one another — for example, by holding hands, hugging each other, giving each other quick kisses on the cheek or mouth, complimenting each other, saying "I love you" or doing something nice for one another — you're showing your kids what a healthy relationship looks like as well as helping them to feel more safe, secure and loved.

Dr. Mendez does caution, much like some of the Reddit commenters, that boundaries are necessary. Young children model what they see, so it's important that your behavior doesn't veer from "simple to sexual."(Save your X-rated moves for when you and your partner get some alone time.) Otherwise, it's possible your tot will imitate inappropriate touching, kissing, and hugging with peers or other adults, and that can lead to behavior issues and difficulties with maintaining acceptable and appropriate social boundaries, Dr. Mendez says.

The bottom line: Don’t be afraid to show affection to one another. Your love makes your children feel more secure and helps them form healthy relationships themselves. Just make sure to keep it PG while little eyes are watching.