Episode 1: Hi. My Name is…

I’ve learned that saying certain things about yourself in society is just asking for societal alienation.

So I’m a 25 year old Canadian pharmacist. On a day-to-day basis, I answer customer questions about condom sizes, whether Viagra really works, what to do with missed birth control doses without even blinking. It’s part of the job.

I love my job, and find it cool to look up therapeutic information and learn. I wear makeup to work. I love wearing dresses … nice classy ones, which show that I like myself. I love dancing to Zumba, and letting the week’s stress out. I love to read. I can talk to guys confidently (most of the time!), I love pulling pranks and wearing my big grin, I wear my heart on my sleeve …. and I’ve fallen in love three times.

I think I’m attractive, when I put in the effort. I will go to bars, and drink my Coca Cola and cheer on my ice hockey team. I’ll go dancing in the rain, singing songs at the top of my lungs. On the whole… I think I’m a person who thinks of life as a blessing.

I’m a Muslim as well, but I interpret the Qu’ran to mean that the ‘veil’ mentioned was actually a metaphorical one, and I believe in modesty instead for myself. However, I’m friends with everyone from the most conservative, to the most liberal.

I am a huge champion of pluralism, and I respect everyone, regardless of whether they are athiests or Christians, or Muslims, or Hindus or… well pretty much anything. I’ve told my friends to do what makes them happy, and what makes their conscience clear, regardless of what it is.

I like to practice my religion privately, so I do choose and stubbornly practice the lifestyle that I want, but I rarely go around talking about God in public. I think it makes people around me uncomfortable, and I would rather concentrate on talking about what me and somebody else has in common.

And that is maybe why I rarely, rarely tell anyone that I’m virgin.

Deep down, I think its something I’m proud of. It makes me feel like I haven’t given in to the guys who I’ve dated. It makes me feel closer to my God. It makes me feel closer to my parents. It makes me feel good and happy inside. It makes me feel like when I sit in my place of worship, I don’t feel sad, or guilty, or that I’m living a double life.

But you know what?

Sometimes, its really really hard.

Especially when your coworker, or even friend at your place of worship, winks at you about something they’ve done, and expects you to totally laugh, because they expect you to have done it as well. And you do laugh.. because you don’t want it to be awkward.

Especially when you go out on dates, and one day, you get labelled as a ‘fundamentalist’, because you want to save certain things for marriage. Or when family or friends tell you that you’re getting older… and that you’ve become too ‘black and white’ about this matter, because you refuse to date someone who doesn’t accept you for your values. Because the biological clock has just started ticking… you’re not in highschool or even university anymore… and who wants to date a 25 year old virgin waiting for marriage?

Or when you know, that there are sometimes a few highschool virgins… but nobody over the age of 21 that you know, is actually not having sex. And you know a lot of people.

Its times like that no matter how successful you are in life, no matter how close you are with your parents, and no matter how confident you are … you feel like you’re the only person in the world who’s reached the age of 25 and who still has a certain belief … and you feel something called loneliness with a capital L.

Maybe that’s why this website matters. It reminds us that we are not alone.

It teaches us that our thoughts aren’t as rare as we thought, even amongst our own age group. And it confirms our belief that waiting, although not a lifestyle necessary for everyone, is an option that is a viable one … an option that takes exceptional value and courage.

So here’s to all the virgins who have had opportunities, but are still stubbornly insisting on WTM. And here’s to the celibate/reclaimed virgins who really do know what they are missing, but still want to WTM.

Selina is a self-described "happy-go-lucky 25 year old Muslim city girl/prankster who likes to serve the world with a big mischievous grin."
She's also a full-time Canadian pharmacist who is very passionate about healthcare.

When she's not researching therapeutic breakthroughs,
she's a singer, lyricist, ice hockey enthusiast, Glee fan, and Bollywood addict, who loves to dress up, and strap on a pair of heels.
Selina is focused on following her own chosen lifestyle, but is also a huge champion of pluralism and accepting diversity of belief.

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16 Responses to “Episode 1: Hi. My Name is…”

Wonderful, wonderful article. You hit the nail right on the head about how I feel, being a 32 y/o woman virgin who’s WTM. I am very happy I found this website a while ago because it has shown me that there are a lot of other likeminded people out there. I may be the only person I know who’s a virgin at my age, but I don’t really care anymore. I know now that this is absolutely the right decision for me and I’m secure in my belief that I will find someone very special, who won’t mind much that I’m waiting. I love and respect myself enough to not use sex to try to “land” a guy and I’m very happy with the fact that I never gave it up sooner, even though I’ve had opportunities.

Hey Jen! Thank you so much for your response to my first entry! I love meeting new people who are proud virgins! Please feel free to join the forums, as you will find a lot of people who have similar opinions to you here… having that support is really refreshing!

Reading your posts are a great inspiration. I lived in NYC as well and am a Muslim guy who is 27 (I also value pluralism, etc.) and it’s definitely tough in a city like NYC…especially when you have girls throwing themselves at you. The temptations are always there and quite a few people find it off that I want to wait until marriage.

However, lots of people respect that too and also respect your discipline, ideals, and motivations for waiting. I actually grew up in Wheaton, Illinois and the difference between NYC and Wheaton is the difference between night and day. However, I’ve met a few people in NYC who are waiting too and who aren’t Muslim. It’s so annoying to hear some people use the term fundamentalist to describe people who wait. However, I love my life and my choice to remain pure until marriage is because I want it to mean something and for my self respect.

Thanks for sharing. Hi I’m Teresa! I am a 22 yrs old. I have recently decided to wait till marriage. The reason for this is because I kept feeling like I was being taken advantage of everytime I had sex with a new guy. I love giving my all during sex and they just threw me away lik I was nothing. They weren’t one night stands or anything but I still felt used. Now i’ve decided that marriage is the way to Go. I already feel closer to God. And btw practice your religiion in public be a witness.

I think I should use “girls throwing themselves” as an opportunity to see if a girl is loving enough to accept my waiting decision. If she does and we get along then there could be something happening when I graduate and get a job (not pre-marital sex haha).

This article speaks to me on so many levels! You say that you are not living a “double life” by choosing to WTM. However, I feel that as a 24 year old virgin in a way I am. I will hang out with friends & like you never mention my decision to WTM. i will laugh at sexual jokes I inwardly don’t find funny at all & then go home to a family that knows I am WTM. I practice a different religion from you but am labeled as being a “prude” by other ‘believers’ of the same faith for my decision. At this point unlike you I am a little ashamed even to be a virgin. Your article was very encouraging for me & really needed that.

I’m 35 and still a virgin. I don’t tell people unless I feel relatively safe that they won’t respond negatively. Many waiters keep quiet about waiting because of the stigma that goes along with it. But how many people who don’t wait (including those who mock waiters) have deep regrets about their decision to have premarital sex and are afraid to admit it? I think it may be MORE stigmatizing for someone to admit to having premarital sex and feeling ashamed or convicted over it than it is just to wait. They willingly had sex against their better judgement or maybe thought it would be glamorous with no negative consequences (at least it they used a condom), like our culture constantly tells us. We don’t often hear that condoms have a failure rate just like everything else that is man made and can’t prevent a broken heart. My point, yes I have one, is that many people who don’t wait wish they had and it’s probably more stigmatizing for them to admit that than for waiters to admit to waiting. Unfortunately, they may face their pain in silence and maybe even continue the behavior that brought them so much pain to begin with.

I’m so happy I’ve found this site.I’m 22 WTM and not sure where I stand spiritually. I’ve felt more and more of this loneliness recently like I was the only green smartie in a bowl of red ones. And everywhere I looked on the Internet the only others seemed to be devout Christians in American (I’m in UK btw) or Muslim.
I recently said to my mom even the Muslim girls are doing it im literally the only one waiting. I thought I was used to those awkward convos with the wink and laugh you describe but I never thought the day would come when the other person was an unmarried Muslim women in head scarf. I just felt even more alone.

I suppose I felt most lonely because my reasons are not religious and as I said recently I don’t even know what I believe anymore about God and morals etc I’ve been pondering and questioning everything about life But I’ve never changed my mind about waiting I’d question myself why I’m so different but couldn’t make myself feel any different about it.

Like yourself I am comfortable with talking about sex and health and such as well as it often comes up in my area of work too. But what niggles me at the back of my head is that although the question “are you a virgin?” is unlikely to come up at work Something else could lead to the same answer and i worry that I’ll be treated differently for it.

I’m getting of topic what I’m trying to say is You and others in this online community have in a short time made me feel less alone and less despairing.

WaitingTillMarriage.org is a support group for people
who are waiting until marriage to have sex. All content is
written, developed, and maintained by people who are waiting (or who waited and then got married).
We're here to meet new friends and make life easier for those who wait.