Ed Goldman: You think manufacturers hate recalls? I think not!

Subtotal Recall — I’ve always suspected that Coca Cola introduced “New Coke” a few years back to get everyone to angrily demand the return of so-called “classic” Coke, which may have been losing market share to Pepsi at the time. If so, it seems to have worked. I don’t see too many people asking for “New Coke” these days.

Now Holman W. Jenkins Jr., who writes the “Business World” column for the Wall Street Journal, suggests that the ongoing, massive GM recall of 29 million cars could in fact be a marketing ploy— since the net result, as he writes, is that “in the past six months, GM has enjoyed its best sales boom since the last days of the housing boom.”

Jenkins also reports that “Starting more than a decade ago, the (automotive) industry began recalling on average more vehicles every year than it makes.” I’m assuming the recalls included cars from prior years, since I can’t figure out how you can manufacture, say, 250 million cars and recall 375 million cars. Unless Bernie Madoff is your CFO.

Fortunately, the notion of first creating problems, then ostentatiously resolving them to show you’re a responsible company, doesn’t work for all industries.

Physicians aren’t allowed to kill their patients then miraculously resurrect them at no extra charge; the notable exception being Dr. Frankenstein.

A builder who puts up a home that splinters and collapses the first time the new owner slams a door -- then offers to fix everything for free -- probably will not be that homeowner’s first choice next time around.

I also doubt that parachute makers would consider this kind of marketing strategy effective: “If your parachute doesn’t open, the next one’s on us!”

But it’s hard not to get paranoid about this trend. For instance, as I’ve mentioned here before, once fluoride greatly reduced the number of cavities caused by tooth decay, dentists invented plaque and gingivitis so they’d have something to do with all that suddenly unused equipment and silenced Mantovani music.

Think I’m kidding? When was the last time you had a cavity? But I’ll bet you’ve seen your dentist once or twice in the past year. I’m seeing mine Tuesday. If he turns out to be angry about this column, I'll offer to recall and fix it for free.