Saturday, January 2, 2016

World Peace

Our standup comedian Oli, whose Boli is like a Goli, has wished us all a Happy New Year and hopes that this year will bring world peace. Dear Mr Prime Monster, please bring peace at home before you even think about world peace.

Maybe, Oli should visit all the conflict zones around the world and take along an interpreter so that his Ukhhan-Tukka can make the world leaders laugh and probably help to finally bring peace on Earth.

I guess we need to send our Prime Monster to Syria because he and his fellow freeloaders can't even go to Siraha. They neither have the time nor have the courage to go to the plains and sit down for talks with our Madhesi parties.

It's just sad that our beautiful country is being held hostage by a dozen politicians on both sides. How long will we the people continue to suffer from shortages of cooking gas and fuel while our corrupt clowns, civil servants and high-level security personnel get as much as they want?

It seems that earthquakes and blockades have been a boon to our black marketers and politicians. The people are suffering but our civil servants and politicians are making a killing.

Most of our folks who lost their homes and families in the quakes have yet to receive adequate relief materials. Our civil servants and politicians have been stealing and will steal more from the funds meant for the earthquake victims and their families.

The blockade has made most of us pay black market price for cooking gas and fuel. The government can't ensure smooth supply of daily essentials while the media tells us that trucks carrying cooking gas and fuel are entering our land smoothly in the past week or so. Where do all the cooking gas and fuel go?

Our netas continue to ride around in luxury vehicles and waste fuel with two or three security vehicles making sure that they are protected from hardworking but hungry citizens. What happened to the cycles gifted by our Mantri Paswan to our PM and former PMs?

I guess, they will probably re-gift it to their grandchildren. Yes, we have our own Princelings who will enjoy the good life just because their Dad or Mom had the skill to talk gibberish and fool us all with their empty promises while emptying our pockets.

So far, our incompetent government and our Madhesi superheros have met more than two dozen times and all they have done is waste our taxpayers' money on chiya and biskoot. We, the common folks have been hoping for the end of the political crisis so that we would not have to suffer miserably due to the shortages of everything.

But it seems that our politicians are busy waiting for the Desis to make the next move. Maybe, we should just allow the Indian Embassy to hold a Kabbadi match between our ruling clowns and our Madhesi pahelwaans. Yes, let us host the match inside the Embassy and whoever wins get to loot the state treasury for a year or two.

Maybe Oli should go to Syria and instead of China and India. Yes, camp there and do not move until the Russians and the Amrikans go home and who knows then he could win a Nobel Prize next year for bringing peace to the Middle East.

Or if he can't do that then at least Oli could do a promotion campaign to boost our tourism by inviting Obama and Putin to have breakfast on the Everest Base Camp. Obama will be leaving the Oval Office in about a year but Putin might still be around till the end of the world.

If Oli is really patriotic as he claims to be then he should probably visit North Korea and bring home a home-made nuclear device. The device might not even work but at least it will help our Chimekis to treat us with respect than bully us around.

Oli has also appealed to all of us to help in ending the current political crisis while we unite to work towards economic prosperity. If Oli needs our help so bad that why on Earth do we need our political parties, security forces and the incompetent civil servants to run this country?

I think we should just form a Tole Sudhaar Samiti and make it an autonomous governing bodies. Let's have like 100,000 small tole-states and run our own show instead of using most of our taxes to pay our lazy civil servants?

Our Nepal Police have shown us that when it comes to brutality, they do not discriminate whether it is the Pahadis or Madhesis, women or children or even foreign refugees or senior citizens. Nepal Police should stop recruiting savages or is the police itself turning able-bodied men and women into savages after they join the force?

Kamal Dai gets hit on the head by our Police and then he becomes our Foreign Minister. Rajendra Mahato got hit on the head as well. So don't be surprised if he gets to be a mantri soon and once again go on a looting spree. 2016 will be no different than the previous year. We, the common folks will continue to suffer while our politicians and civil servants will continue to loot and make billions of Rupees for themselves and their families.

Oli dreams of becoming our Mandela by bringing world peace while he continues to make sure everybody gets the piece of the pie from our Mandaleys, Madhesi, Maoist to Morons. Yes, let us hope that Oli will also share the loot with our protesting Madhesi netas as well.

We don't mind having hundred ministries and double the mantris. After all, that's what our politicians have been doing for all these years, which is making sure that they empty the state treasury and make this country broke while millions of us go overseas so that we can continue to send back home some money so that our families can afford to buy stuff at black market prices.

Guffadi is a grumpy old man who blogs at guffadi.blogspot.com. You may contact him at maguffadi@gmail.com