I miss something of my father. I am in a blue phase in my life. I ended a relationship with a wonderful man because of the shit I am going through…emotionally, mentally and physically.

I need to feel secure in this world and all security is lost. I want to trust but trust faded a long time ago.

I am going to see the older couple I took care of, it will be nice to be close to them and see how things are going. I worry about the outcome of some of the things that happened after I left the couple I worked with. Their daughter who said I was part of the family and loved me and always texted me back never responded to a question I asked her. I can let that go… I said I would do certain things before I left, like leave an itinerary for our daily activity and then I decided I wouldn’t and didn’t do it. I look at it like this, they can make their own way.
I will text their daughter tomorrow night and ask if it will be okay if I stop by and say hi to her parents.

My boyfriend responded to what I sent him earlier today; which I explained and included in the previous post: I just got your messages. I guess I’m ok. The past few days have been pretty emotional and exhausting. I hope you’re ok. I didn’t mean to make you feel like I wasn’t there for you. I do miss you. I’m sorry I haven’t tried to talk to you about it. I feel like I’m in shock from all that happened lately and I need time to clear my head. But we should talk soon.

9 Responses to Revealing Insight

I hear sadness and codependence. Codependence isn’t an admonishing word. It’s something I’ve dealt with all my life. Only people who are aware of it usually can point it out. Do what’s right for YOU in your heart, and it sounds like you are. That takes courage! Good for you.

“I need to feel secure in this world and all security is lost. I want to trust but trust faded a long time ago.” In this world there is rarely a such thing as true security. But I have found that sometimes my best moments of secure feeling came when I tried something new or scary. Because usually we are afraid because we feel so small and insignificant… But with God on your side, you can truly do BIG things without inhibition! And that is the best feeling in the world… Knowing that no matter what happens, you are being shaped into someone you can’t even begin to imagine yet.🙂

I have a lost companion too. I haven’t actually met her. I don’t think she really knows me either. I do understand trust issues. I’m working through mine. I been enduring beatings from the “seductress” on a daily basis. It’s hard to always know who I am speaking with on the Internet . . . and people’s intentions. So I take it upon myself (to listen to my heart) and comfort those who appear to be in need of kind words. I have true love for this wonderful person, so I am willing go through it. I try to hang to the genuine words I hear from my lost companion – which are similar to the ones I am reading in this post. What I would like to hear from her is that she has in fact moved on . . . . that way I can do so as well. Clinging memories of a past relationship . . . if those memories are real . . . is not healthy . . . at least if a dysfunctional relationship truly ever existed.

I hope you have gotten to meet your LC since you last wrote to me. A true relationship never existed with the person I was writing about, he is now a person who once taught me about myself, sometimes people just come into our lives to teach us something and that’s it.

Oh. I also meant to say that if my friend comes across your cool blog the way I did . . . that she should take all of the time she needs to think. I don’t foresee any huge changes coming in my life. It’s just that I need to get a better understanding of my situation . . . it’s a bit unusual. And the “seductress” can be extremely insensitive and hurtful . . . unintentionally I think. That’s a side of her I accept. It’s also a part of her that I feel she can work on. I believe the words acceptance and improvement go together- since none of us are finished products.

You are right, none of us are finished products. I hope your seductress has found insight to her insensitive and hurtful ways. I know that I come off as a bitch at times, it’s a protective mechanism I think. When someone had been through hell it’s tough to not be rigid. Great insight for me today!