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November 09, 2009

little things

On Friday I was forced to think about my future as I met with my college advisor regarding my upcoming graduation. Still being in a somewhat sensitive state I became extremely, overwhelmingly anxious. It was at that point that I remembered the importance of family (whoever that may be: friends, community, etc.) and support when it comes to stress, and especially when it comes to complications pertaining to one's mental illness. So, I went to my sister's house because I know that she (almost) always makes me feel better with her "get mad not sad" attitude that is so opposite of mine. (To learn more about my this, read my mom's blog entry, "Where's Sister"). I think the thing that made me feel the best however, was also the fact that we made cookies with my twenty-one month old nephew. It was in the moment when I looked at his flour and oatmeal covered head that I began to feel better. As he "helped" stir the flour, sugar, salt, and oatmeal by putting it all over his high-chair, body, face, and the floor I couldn't help but smile. His flour covered body was a reminder of the little things in life that are important. Just watching his mischievous little face and observing him as he tested us with his toddler-ness was a reminder that sometimes it helps to focus on the little moments, (and in his case, the little things). When I'm at my worst, I often find that the only way to get by is by focusing on the small moments in each day, each hour, each minute. In doing this I can get out of my head and remember that the earth is still spinning, and that joyful, (and even hilarious), things are still happening.

4 comments:

I used to FREAK in college over tests, my future, etc. I would have panic attacks if I felt that I wasn't going to pass (even though I usually got As) or if I thought I wasn't doing enough or the right thing to secure a good career. Looking back, I wish I had known then what most people in their 30s and 40s know now: YOU ARE SO YOUNG AND YOU HAVE SO MUCH TIME AHEAD OF YOU. And often what we think we will be doing next year, or five years from now, or ten or twenty is SO different than what we imagined. So relax, enjoy living like you are, capturing the small things that make life worth living! College can make you feel like you MUST KNOW NOW what your path in life will be, but just be at peace, do what you love, and you will be fine.