Ian Thorpe owed it to himself to be honest, but also to the public

Kerryn Phelps

Ian Thorpe owed it to himself to finally be honest, but he also owed it to the public he chose to lie to. Photo: Morne de Klerk

Like many Australians, I sat down on Sunday night to watch the much-touted Michael Parkinson interview with Ian Thorpe. If you listened to the hype in the lead up to the airing of the program, the only thing everyone seemed to be waiting for was the declaration that, indeed, and despite his previous denials, the rumours and speculation over many years are true. Ian Thorpe is gay.

Ian Thorpe is a homegrown sports superstar. This is a privileged position and it comes with responsibilities. One of the responsibilities is to be a positive role model for younger people in the community. I am grateful to him for stepping forward to take up that role. He may never know the lives he has changed or the even the lives he has saved by this one act of courage.

I could gush and be uber-positive about this latest celebrity/sport star revelation. However there are some deeper and more serious issues that deserve analysis.

I’ve been a close observer of celebrity “coming out” processes for a lot of years from Elton John to Martina Navratilova, Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres. Each one of them helped to give me courage when it was my turn to face the spotlight of scrutiny and judgment back in 1998.

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Firstly, there is a question about whether his sexuality is anyone’s business but Thorpe’s. Thorpe made it our business when, most recently at the age of 30 in 2012, he signed a deal for his memoir, This Is Me, where he put it “on the record once and for all” that he was NOT gay.

Quite a bit of time in the interview was spent talking about The Big Lie. There is a big difference between concealment and lying and it does make me feel uncomfortable that he lied so publicly for so long about this issue of such great importance to many people.

Nevertheless, this has to be viewed through the prism of a 16-year-old sportsman, a boy, trying to win gold medals in the swimming pool and growing up in the glare of publicity.

Anyone who has ever lied about their sexuality, to themselves or to others, will have an understanding of why someone might lie, because telling a truth you believe can harm you can be terrifying.

But the truth is, something in you dies a little every day that you are not true to yourself.

So in a sense, Thorpe owed it to himself to finally be honest, but he also owed it to the public he chose to lie to. The public will forgive him because his pain is so real and so evident, but we were owed an explanation.

The bigger question is whether in 2014 when countries across the Western world have moved on and are introducing marriage equality, there is still a need for the big dramatic “coming out interview”.

I guess the fact that Ian Thorpe felt safe enough at this stage in his life and his career to come out meant that we have come a long way because the way has been paved.

But make no mistake, coming out is still a big deal. The fact that there was such massive promotion and a huge amount of interest in this interview tells me that we still have a very long way to go. Until nobody cares, there is still a need for people with a profile to step up and be counted when they feel strong enough to do it. Then there is the question of payment. My partner Jackie and I were asked last night what we felt about reports of a payout of up to half a million dollars for the interview.

We said, and we stand by this comment, that if the reports were true, it was disappointing.

Back in 1998, Jackie and I were adamant that we would not accept any payment for any interview about coming out and I am not aware of any other high-profile people who have accepted payment for their “coming out” interview. Call me a purist, but I think that the issue of same-sex attracted youth depression and suicide is so significant that I feel it warrants an act of altruism.

Thorpe’s motives for doing the interview would have also been far less muddy if he had either done the interview for no money, or given that the media were prepared to pay such a huge sum, at least some of it could have been donated to one of the charities or support groups trying to help young people who are struggling with depression or contemplating suicide.

Still, Thorpe has had his own battles with major depression and the pain was clearly evident on his face. One of my tweets referred to my view that it shouldn't be this excruciating to come out. By that I meant that it is a painful process: not because there is anything actually inherently painful about being gay but rather the reaction you fear you will get from other people, the fear of rejection, the fear of loss of income or respect are very real and they are certainly important precipitants of depression in gay people who are struggling with their identity at any age.

Every one of us in the community has a challenge to fight homophobia and discrimination in all its guises wherever we see it or hear it. Ian Thorpe’s future mental health will depend on many factors, one of which is this revelation about his sexuality. The critical factors will be the supportive relationships with his family and friends, his future career prospects and the response of the broader community.

If you are a parent who loves their child, or you plan to be a parent one day, then you will need to prepare your mindset for the prospect that your son or daughter might be a doctor or a lawyer or a politician or a dancer or a tradie or an athlete. And they could be gay. Just like Ian Thorpe.

Ian Thorpe’s journey has been long, but it has only just begun. My wish for him is that he does find love and inner peace and that he can now feel safe to be himself.

Professor Kerryn Phelps AM is a doctor and equality advocate.

347 comments

He owes you or the 'public' exactly nothing, Kerryn.

Commenter

Jessica

Location

Mosman

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 8:37AM

+1, Jessica. totally agree

Commenter

Mandy

Location

Naremburn

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:00AM

+1

Commenter

MerriD

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:02AM

Really Jessica? He himself admitted to having lied and the worst part is not his lie to this country or to the world, but when he finally wants to look at the man in the mirror, it was only the man in that mirror whose honest enough to say: "oh well, you're such a terrific successful liar" He told the truth because as a public figure, as an Olympian, whether he likes it or not, he cannot survive his own lie

Commenter

Thinkerbell

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:10AM

Couldn't agree more. People in the gay community have to quit judging each other before the broader community does. It's ironic that somebody should comment on how unacceptable it is for society to be infatuated with an issue (that shouldn’t be an issue at all) and yet still feels the need (paid or otherwise) to publicly dissect the situation in a national newspaper. It isn’t fair to speculate that Ian Thorpe was paid specifically to ‘come out’. It is a very real possibility that his coming out was incidental to the interview but predictably this is the only issue that the world media has concentrated on. We have no idea why Ian Thorpe chose to state that he 'wasn’t' gay' in his memoirs. Does it matter that he did? Perhaps his manager pressured him in to doing so? Perhaps he was still confused about his sexuality? Perhaps he felt an overwhelming urge to deflect an insatiable Australian media from what is otherwise his own business. You’d think that he was the only individual to lie in an autobiography. Ridiculous. The gay community shouldn’t be forced to stand up and proudly profess their sexuality in order to alter social attitudes. People’s privacy shouldn’t be laid out bare for all (even Kerryn Phelps) to analyse to progress the gay cause. Dr Phelps is fortunate enough to have the support of a partner (and possibly of her family). We cannot assume the same for Ian Thorpe.

Commenter

Mic

Location

Sydney

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:13AM

I agree, he doesn't owe anyone anything. He can earn money anyway he wants, and I bet the tv station hasn't donated their earnings from the interview. It is not up to the Gay community to suddenly own and dictate to Ian Thorpe how he should live his life. There is supposed to be no discrimination. He is just a person, like everyone else.

Commenter

I agree

Location

Sydney

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:14AM

Agree. Just because someone happens to be good at sport doesn't mean they hold some moral high ground that young people should aspire to. What an absurd notion. If we didn't irrationally hero-worship these people nobody would give a stuff whether they're gay, straight or otherwise. I couldn't care less. Biggest load of garbage I've ever read.

Commenter

MTB

Location

Sydney

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:20AM

I agree. And I do not think he needs to make you " gush and uber-positive", Dr Phelps. It is actually not about you!

Commenter

anna maria

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:21AM

Exactly, he owes nothing to anyone.

I'm surprised at the degree of criticism of Thorpe, someone who least deserves it after all the evident pain he's been through.

Perhaps its because those passionate about equality also have high expectations about many other areas of life and how we should live.

What about all the other people who get paid for things, whether it be every average Joe who has some extraordinary experience, to every severely overpaid celebrity, mining magnate, CEO etc. But I think its poorly judged to heap a mound of criticism on this person, who is a very decent person, whose had many tough psychological battles beyond his fair share. If reports of him struggling financially are true, I think we should just shrug our shoulders and let him get away with this one.

Commenter

have a heart

Date and time

July 15, 2014, 9:21AM

Well, how he deals with his "lie" himself is his own business.Have none of you ever lied? Get real. There are all levels, whether it is asking somebody 'how are you' when you really don't give a toss to all sorts of other things. Personally I don't feel that Ian owed me or anyone else in the country, or the world, for God's sake!, anything other than doing the best he could - which he did - in the arena of swimming. As many have commented, the people most upset about this non-topic are other gays other variation on the theme of sexuality. One of the biggest problems for yourselves, it seems, is that so many take themselves so very, very seriously. Lighten up for goodness sake!