General Question

Should I chuck it all and pick up and move to Oahu?

I live on the Big Island where there are few resources and fewer opportunities for everything from jobs to eligible men. I am actively pursuing an important job application in Honolulu on Oahu. I am currently very single.

I have a small, assured monthly income. I live on SSDI.

Because of events today, I realized one of the things keeping me on the Big Island is just not that important: community theatre. The people I’m involved with are small-minded to say the least.

The most important thing I have here are 2 daughters. One will graduate in May and is planning to go to college back East on the mainland. The other, who is 16, already knows I’m actively trying to get a job on Oahu, and she approves.

You expressed 4 elements that appear to be driving forces in your life. Your daughters,this community theater, that your single and on SSDI. Moving you would be leaving your daughters and this theater behind…those sound pretty significant at least to me they would be big reasons not to move. Something happened at this theater that is providing impetus for you to move. Not knowing if it is cheaper to live with more resources and more single men on Oahu, it is hard for me to better evaluate just how life would be better for you there away from your family. If there is a better theater community, more dudes, more resources, and your dollar goes farther and the fact we now have Skype….it would be a no brainer for me. If it is not so clear cut I might re-examine this theater issue and see how it might be rectified and made whole again.

Some points to ponder.
Would you be using this move as a chance to reboot – like doing a life Ctrl+Alt+Del?
How often do you see your daughters now?
Are cheap, easy island hoppers available? (About 15 years ago they were.)

Would your 16 y.o. be going with you? At that age it is sometimes difficult to be uprooted and moved to a new high school in your jr or sr year especially when you have grown up with the other kids.
Just throwing that out there. If she is staying, you have a little more leeway since you only have to worry about your own feelings.

Is your current feeling partly arising out of a feeling of pique at events in the theatre group? A move might make more sense when the 16 year old graduates or if you definitely get the job. But do it if that’s what you want; just examine all the factors. (And if you find some straight single guys, I’ll move there with you.)

Jake; How about costs and conveniences of finding a new domicile, friends, community that pleases you, and other job opportunities if this one falls through. Is it cheaper or more expensive to live in Honolulu vs. Big Island?

My 16-year-old daughter would be staying here with her mother, and she’s the one who is excited about my prospects for getting a job anyway and moving. This would just speed things up. My 18-year-old daughter who’s graduating and moving to school on the East Coast is the one who doesn’t want me to move, so she says and whimpers. I think the idea of her home base changing scares her when she’s getting ready to make such a big change in her own life.

I’m a member of the governing board of the community theatre here on the Big Island, and the board meetings have grown contentious and mean-spirited over the last year or two. We’ve had some very successful shows, and an air of unhealthy jealousy pervades the group dynamic. There was a nasty email exchange recently, and when I sat down and looked at the events calmly, I realized that being in this group is not serving my highest good. It’s no longer feeding me creatively. It’s draining me instead in an unhealthy way.

Here’s a kicker. I am scheduled to direct our summer Shakespeare in the Park production this summer. That was decided last year before I applied for the good job with the state on Oahu. Because of the uncertain job situation, I have assembled a top-notch production team including a terrific assistant director, who all know I’m in the running for a job and may move at a moment’s notice. They can all step in and do this production without me. They’re good. They’ll even follow my artistic vision for the show. Moving now means I would hand over my show. I’m very much at peace with this idea.

There are some cons to moving right away. I can’t afford to move all my things until I have a steady job, so I would have the expense of putting things in storage here. I would have to ship my car. If I were to wait to get the very good job with the state, I would sell this car and buy something newer on Oahu. The biggest expense is housing. Oahu is much more expensive than the Big Island. I would have to seriously rearrange my budget to reflect that difference. I would initially be able to rent a room from friends, but I haven’t had an apartment-mate other than a spouse in decades, and such an arrangement worries me.

There’s more information for you all to consider. At this point, I’m toying with the idea of a quicker move than I was first envisioning. I could just give notice to my landlord, throw my things in storage, ship my car, and hop a plane. It’s not the safe thing to do, but it’s exciting to think about.

You will never be more peppy and energetic than you are today. Five years from now you might be too pooped to pop.

Your older daughter might be whimpering now but in 5 months, she will be in or near The Big Apple (or in Ithaca); gradually her home base will become less and less important. You have my permission to make a selfish decision now.

How exciting! Based on everything you’ve talked about so far, it seems like there is nothing holding you back, so long as you get the job. I am wondering though, why you need to ship your car. Why not simply sell it and buy another when you get there? Unless you’re attached to it for sentimental reasons?

@downtide I would only ship the car if I decide to move to Oahu before the details of the job with the state are completely finalized. I can’t presently afford to buy a newer car until I get that job. My prospects for getting that job are excellent. The man who retired from the position and is highly regarded wants me to get his old job. He is a strong professional reference. I have other reasons to believe that I have an excellent chance to get the job. People who are in the know have given me good words.

Still, I could easily sell the car I have now and live without one for a bit. They have good public transportation on Oahu. The buses go everywhere.

Surprisingly, my 16-year-old daughter who has been enthusiastic about my job prospects on Oahu has nixed the idea of moving early. She wants me to wait until the job is more certain. I want to make her happy.

If anyone is still following this question, I thought this important update might be nice to post.

I sat down again with my daughters this afternoon and discussed my idea of moving to Oahu before my state job is assured. I told them I’m looking at moving by June 1 after the current school year has finished.

I explained my reason. Being on Oahu will make my candidacy for the state job more attractive. I would be on the island and ready to start.

My younger daughter whose objection caused me to nix the idea of just picking up and moving told me to go for it. What she actually said was that if I really believed moving would help me get the job I want, then I should do it.

There is something about the mindset of people here in Hawaii that few outsiders know about. The state is very Oahu-centric. Everything revolves around what occurs on Oahu. All the money gets filtered through there for everything. People who live on Oahu rarely think of what’s happening on the Neighbor Islands, as we’re known. When it comes to hiring, jobs go to people living on Oahu first.

I will inform the hiring authority for the state job I’ve applied for that I’m taking steps to move there regardless of what they do. I know this will affect their view of me. It will not affect the amount of time it will take them to get around to hiring someone for the position, but it will reflect well on my prospects.

@Hawaii_Jake Sometimes it is a good idea to work in “Stealth Mode”. Detractors can’t detract and you don’t need to justify every move to the curious. Only get others involved if they can help you.
Most people don’t like change – especially if that change occurs in another.