Have a swingin’ Christmas.

Hey! It’s Christmas. Oh my gosh guys! I love it! I mean, I always write about this time of year. Note years past post Here. Did that rhyme? Thyme? I feel like it did.

Last year I bought my wife a kickin’ Kitchen Aid Mixer. If you remember, she walked in and I threw boxes at her to distract her. And she didn’t know. Because I’m a genius.

We’ve been cooking a lot. I love it. We use Blue Apron. I would post more about it, but who wants to be that guy? “I made lamb and salad.” With something like Blue Apron everyone else using it had the same meal that week. We’re on to you Alan.

If anything I would do a redneck video…”Ok it says to pre-heat skillet with oil. Okay Simon go out to the garage and get me some Castrol but don’t spill it! We gotta use it for the lawnmower next. Aight! What’s next? Test the Ladke until it sizzles. Looks like a typo there. Simon! Go git me some lake water we gotta test the heat!”

Something like that.

We get our meals once a week. I always get a text message from Fedex before hand. “Scheduled delivery for Friday…”

Well, I got the text on a wed and they dropped the box on Thursday. It looked like any box. It said Blue Apron on the side,but it was smaller. And across the side it said “Glass Fragile” Simon got his mail off the top of it. A milk bone they always leave him. And I thought Oh boy. We got a bottle of wine for the Holiday.

I opened the box and didn’t see any ice or food just white boxes. Shit. Oh shit. This is not our box. I’ve ruined someone’s Christmas. I taped the box back shut and left it in the floor.

When L (my wife) got up later. I was sitting at the table drinking coffee. She walked in didn’t say anything just picked up the box. And carried it into her walk in closet.

Our box of food.

Later she texted me after she woke up real good. And was like, “did you open this box and tape it back shut?”

What am I supposed to say? No, or yes. Do I ruin everything? I don’t know what’s in the box. Is it cookware? Or a Blue Apron? Or should I pretend that my wife just likes to hide boxes of fresh meat and vegetables in her closet?

I don’t know. Maybe I can still fake it. Maybe it’s not for me.

I ended up telling her I did open it And taped it back shut. Who am I? I’m not running for president. I can’t lie to my wife.