Thursday, August 15, 2013

GRIEF AND LOSS

“While
the journey must be taken alone, it need not be lonely”

Loving
and Leaving is just part of Living; and it hurts deeply

Whether we expect it, or it sneaks up from behind and rips
the ‘rug out from under us’; no one is really emotionally prepared for the loss
of someone we love.Our world will never be the same.We feel dazed, numb, angry, or scared, and a
million other emotions are flooding our body. Feeling overwhelmed is an understatement.People are chattering around us, but nothing
is sinking in.We’d give anything just to wake up from this
nightmare, and have our life just like it was.Unfortunately, that isn’t our
reality.

The hard, cold fact is that now….

Things are different…drastically
different

And we deeply need to heal and be
comforted

How can we heal when we feel so guilty?So many things we should have said, but
didn’t.And now it’s too late.Our mind torments us with a never ending list
of regrets:‘If only ….’ followed
by the guilt ridden ‘I should have….’You dare not say it, but yes, you are so angry: angry with yourself,
even worse - angry with them for dying. You feel so gut wrenching alone.

In this emotionally fragile state, it becomes obvious how
much we depended on our loved one.Life will be so different without them.How do we cope? Heal? Where do we begin?

Grief works its way through four normal stages (denial,
anger, depression, and acceptance).We
all experience these feelings; and yes, they hurt. So how do we heal from this?

You’re already experiencing the initial steps of healing by
working through the grieving process at your own pace.There is a positive side to grieving,
although difficult to believe.

This is going to be a time of transformation and deep
personal growth for you.For
example:We are forced to think about
our own life expectancy.Knowing first-hand
how difficult grief can be, wouldn’t the loving thing for us to do is prepare
for our own passing? We plan for our future so why not our legacy?Are your affairs in order?Some
procrastinate and find themselves near the end of their life without the
strength or focus to complete their estate plans.So once your Planning is done, file it
away.Enjoy the time you have creating
wonderful, happy memories with others.Your friends and family will reflect on these times of how blessed they
were to have known you.

Nature is the greatest proponent of change. The changing
seasons reflect that there is no such thing as permanent death of
anything.There is a change of form and
then a new life comes forward every spring.

Change can be empowering and inspiring. It can be a bridge
allowing you to cross over to another place that you would not necessarily have
chosen.We cannot shield ourselves from
the natural cycle of life and death.Embrace it.Otherwise your life
shrinks into endless repetition and shallowness.

In our Western culture we just don’t discuss death.It’s taboo. Whereas in Buddhism, they remind themselves
constantly about life and death believing that’s the only way to live a happy,
healthy, wholesome life.

We’ve come a long way in our technological society but we’re
still looking for inner peace and happiness.We have more anxiety and inner suffering than a person from a primitive
yet spiritually advanced village in Asia or Africa.Why is that?

The Buddhist answer is awareness of impermanence and
death.Through this awareness we lose
attachments to meaningless endeavours and gain a deeper sense of our humanity,
enabling us to see the humanity of others.

What if you or a loved one gets a negative medical
prognosis?The stages of grief are
basically the same.You’re going to go
through these stages along with your family and friends.You’re going to want to see or do the things
you have been putting off doing.

As in all grieving stages, allow everyone to express their
emotions. This will allow the family to go through a phase of preparatory
grief, just like the dying person.The
more this grief can be expressed before death, the less unbearable it becomes
afterwards.

The most difficult time is the final phase, when the patient
is slowly detaching himself from his world.It’s most important to recognize that
the patient is not rejecting you, but needs to detach, to let go, to be ready
to die.

Children need to mourn as well.If parents reprimand kids for showing grief,
they will hold their grief inside, setting the stage later for emotional and
physical ill health. Allow them to vent
and you listen; be prepared for the guilt, anger and sadness. Share your feelings too, and work through
them.