Thursday, December 20, 2012

Amityville II: The Possession

***DISCLAIMER*** The following review is entirely my opinion. If you comment (which I encourage you to do) be respectful. If you don't agree with my opinion, that's fine. To each their own. I am just sharing my opinions and perspective. Finally, the reviews are given on a scale of 1-5. 1, of course, being terrible. 2, being not great. 3, being okay. 4, being good and 5, being epic! Amityville II: The Possession – 1 out of 5After I revisited the original and watched the remake for the first time not long ago, I decided I would slowly work my way through all the sequels of the Amityville franchise. Other than an awful “found footage” film that tries to cash in on this series worse than the author and the owners of the infamous house tried to cash in on The Exorcist’s fame by lying and creating a false story that their home’s haunting were “based on a true story”...and that there was actually a haunting, I had never seen any of the other numerous films.

Okay, I'm not a plumber but I don't think that's suppose to happen.

Amityville II: The Possession acts as a prequel to the 1979 film and tells the story of the horrible murders of the Montelli family (based on the real life family that inspired the fictional haunting; the DeFeo family) by the son…named Sonny (he killed his mom; Mommy, his dad; Daddy, his little brother; Brothery, his little sister; Sistery; and his other sister; Patricia). Sonny (Jack Magner) became possessed by the house and the demons there did what any demon does—forced Sonny to engage in an incestuous relationship with his sister…Wait…wut?

Pictured: How their love child would look.

Actually, that aspect of the story is based on the real life rumor that the killer; Ronald DeFeo Jr., and his sister bumped uglies in defiance of all that is wholesome, the possibility of deformed babies and in defiance of keeping one’s breakfast in one’s stomach. Anyway, the demon, clearly into some unsettling kink, gets Sonny to seduce his sister (and Patricia way too easily agrees to) before Patricia (Diane Franklin) confesses to the local priest; Father Adamsky (James Olson)—a priest who has the last name of a superhero’s secret identity and is played by an actor who shares the name of a comic book character. Father Adamsky soon learns the truth about Sonny but only when it’s too late. He couldn’t stop Sonny from killing his family but can he at least save his soul?

What sister couldn't resist that Tiger Beat cover model-like stare?

The Amityville Horror is a cult classic. I didn’t find it particularly scary but it was an interesting movie that had the potential to be a great horror film. Did it have potential to be a franchise? It’s a horror film…so yeah. Even if it’s the dumbest idea in the world to make sequels to a horror film, the very nature of their stories allow them to tell the same story over and over again—just asked the creators of Paranormal Activity.

"I have a gun...also I'm Burt Young."

Amityville II allows the opportunity to tell the story of the previous owners of the house and how the demons within the walls forced a young man to kill his entire family. The biggest problem here though is that they created some inconsistencies that were already established in the James Brolin starred original. Mostly, Sonny slaughtered his family in the mid of the night in a slew of screams and blood but it was said that he killed his family while they slept in the original film. Maybe they just got the facts wrong in the original film or, more likely, they retconned that shit because a possessed perv who sexes up his sister killing people as they sleep isn’t as tantalizing as slaughtering them while they cry and try to escape.

"You want me to save him, Blues guitarist-looking Black Man?"

Amityville II isn’t scary, not in the least. In fact, nothing about it really stands out about it except for the fact it tells the story about the murdered family that is only mentioned in the 1979 classic. Did this story need to be told? Not necessarily so but it was told nonetheless and it proved to be the film’s strongest aspect since the acting was kinda flat (even with Burt Young playing the role of the verbally and physically abuse father of the family). Even our film’s main stars; Jack Magner and Diane Franklin, come off like they dropped out of their drama class after two weeks and felt they “got the gist of it.” Their interactions as brother and sister come off stilted and wooden to the point watching their scenes become a failing act of trying not to chuckle…or maybe they were just uncomfortable with the idea that their characters would be boning later.

The circle of trying to be The Exorcist is now complete, Amityville franchise.

I’m sure there are rabid fans of the Amityville franchise but considering the fact that I didn’t find the original to be that spectacular having a follow-up sequel that’s a prequel with less scares and worse acting this time around doesn’t bode well for the rest of the sequels I will be watching over the next few months—wait…horror sequels with worse acting and lamer scares? I just described EVERY SINGLE HORROR FILM SEQUEL EVER.

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About Me

I'm a geek, an atheist (who is also an ordained reverend), a peanut butter and jelly enthusiast, a man who shares the same name with a popular character from "Parks & Rec" and feels he can't live up to the awesomeness of the fictional character, was proudly banned from Reddit, an occasional Shakespearean performer, and a stand up comic.
Have any questions, recommendations or wanna share any theories on various movies? Email me at RevRonMovies@gmail.com and I'll talk about them on my new Q&A segment!