emotional structure, the transformational character arc, and developmental edits

Monday, January 25, 2010

The Day I Realized I liked Green

It took me a long time to realize how much green meant to me. I like the way it looks and feels. It feels a lot like calm summer waves. When I am surrounded by green I feel tranquil. Remembering back, it was not always this way. There was a time when I didn't have a favorite color. In my nine year old mind, I didn't know a color could be just as comforting as a warm and cuddly blanket.

My realization happened when my family moved to the Big Island of Hawaii. I was a pimply girl with cat-eye glasses and a pink poncho. My teacher was nice, but her class was large, and I was the only new person. I remember the seats because they looked like beige pretzels. I didn't know I liked green yet, but I knew I didn't like beige. The carpet was purple, with little black stars and big orange wavy lines. I didn't like the carpet either.

The teacher showed me where I was to sit, and I sat down. I'd just come from the big city. Kailua was a small beach town, and everyone in my class knew each other. They stared at me, but didn't say anything. During the long, hot day, I stared at the purple carpet while my ears burned. I could hear the other kids talking about me. I pulled at my poncho, but it didn't comfort me like it usually did. At the time, the style was of big ponchos with long tassels, and I twisted the tassels into lumpy knots because I was so unhappy.

After I stared at the carpet and twisted my poncho, I dared to look up. On the top of the window sill next to me was a Christmas cactus on a green felt mat. The mat was old and faded because it had been sitting in the sunlit window, but bits of it had fluffed up and become a tangle just like my poncho. It was like the mat was talking to me. Every day, while I sat in class, ignored by the other kids, twisting at my poncho, I stared at the mat and the mat calmed me down. "Take a deep breath," it seemed to say. "You're over-thinking things."

Later in the year, I noticed other green things at school. They all seemed to have been placed there just for me. In my young, impressionable mind, I felt like someone was trying to send me a message. "Surround yourself with green," they said. "Calm down.” I noticed the waves at the beach were green when the sun hit them a certain way, and the moss under the portables was an extra-special green. Green was all around me.

As I grew up, I kept this realization in mind. I have raku pots and bowls in iridescent green, and a green bag. I like to wear green, and I even have a pair of green shoes. Whenever I feel down or depressed, I think of green things. Green is my favorite color. I'm glad I realized I like green.

4 comments:

Thank you for posting it - my reader failed to show me your blog had updated (I've got to stop relying on it, I guess).

This essay is vulnerable and hinting at wisdom all at once. No wonder Monk was so popular - there are these basic essences we hang onto to get us through, and then they're part of life in a good way. I remember those ponchos with tassels - mine made me feel secure, twisting those soft ends.