Fleshgod ApocalypseThis summer, if you catch Summer Slaughter, you should of course watch The Black Dahlia Murder, because they rule. But be sure to catch Italian technical death metal outfit Fleshgod Apocalypse too. They’re fucking insane, and have a new album out called Agony. Get on that shit, kids.

Seeing as your Uncle Chris is busy, like, 95-percent of the time, I sent Fleshgod Apocalypse guitarist Cristiano Trionfera the standard set of Gun Shy Assassin Email Interview Questions, which we should change up more often. But, like I said, Uncle Chris is fucking busy. So here now for you is Cristiano Trionfera’s responses to ridiculousness.

Have you ever met a guy named Chet you liked? Why are most Chets complete assholes? I know a Chet in Ohio and he’s such a nice person. He told me that all the people named Chet are assholes, and that would give him the chance to win the “Chet of the Year” award.What will you be doing tour-wise for the foreseeable future? We’re actually doing the Summer Slaughter Fest and will be back home at the end of August, but we will be on tour soon in the fall and all the way though the end of the year. And we will be back next year, as well. We have such a tight schedule now and I couldn’t be more happy about it.

What one band would you love to see return with an album and tour? Ludvig Van Beethoven.

What scares you more than anything? Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger kissing.

Have you ever been arrested? Nope.

What is your stance on sex during menses — if it bleeds, let’s fuck it or once the red tide subsides, surf’s up? Whatever! You can have sex in a lot of different “ways”…so.

What one record would you give to Stephen Hawking? I’m not gonna say the last Lady Gaga, so he can dance if he wants because I’m not a bad person.

What word do you hate? “Wake up!”

What turns you on? Coffee actually.

What one movie sequel do you wish were never made? A lot, but the worst one in my opinion is the last Indiana Jones. (Edit: Agreed)

What name do you wish your parents had actually given you? When I was a kid I wanted to change my name into Luke Skywalker, but then it would have been Luke Skywalker Trionfera, which doesn’t sound really good.

What vacation spot would you recommend to a friend? Sicily.

Finish this joke: Why did the chicken cross the road? Probably to get into the KFC on the other side of the road.