The truth is that domestic violence and violence against women touch many of us. This violence is not a private matter. Behind closed doors it is shielded and hidden and it only intensifies. It is protected by silence – everyone's silence. Violence against women is learned. Each of us must examine - and change - the ways in which our own behavior might contribute to, enable, ignore or excuse all such forms of violence. I promise to do so, and to invite other men and allies to do the same.—Sir Patrick Stewart

Unwinable

“It is possible to commit no mistakes and still lose. That is not a weakness. That is life.”—Captain Jean-Luc Picard

Unwinable. Never ending. False bottom. How could I forget the hallmarks of this narcissist of mine? How did I forget that his particular version of narcissism comes with a healthy does of antisocial traits that make all social contracts and legal ones the thinnest of guide lines?
A divorce decree which took longer to arrive at than most labors? Ha! Thinking that he would abide by that was my own brand of projection and magical thinking. Thinking he could engage in the sustained effort required to complete a task? Make a sound decision? Carry on a focused conversation? I must have momentarily entered a twilight zone where unicorns puke butterflies and fart rainbows.

Now that his obligations in the decree are due, I’m right back to square one: feeling hopelessly stuck; feeling foolish for the week of happiness which followed the mediation; dreading having to face his rage again; dreading the inevitable court costs and lawyer fees; knowing that even in divorce I don’t have what other people have.