Colepitz

Do you want crunch? Do you want AGGRESSION? Do you want music that could actually compare to Kayn's road rage? Well, although that's impossible, Colepitz puts up one hell of a fight.

You've had a bad day. A very bad day. Your girlfriend said she'd rather date a bowl of jello than you. Your boss said he would have been better off hiring a bowl of jello. Then you get home and reallize that someone ate all of the jello that was in the fridge: totally unacceptable. You feel like a Puppet that's been Deceived.

You sit down in your car, ready to go home for the day. Then you begin to flip through your large collection of cds. Not even Soul Fly or Sevendust will do; today you need something special. Something dark. Something aggressive. Something heavy.

You reach for your Colepitz disc to stick in your cd player, but there's only one problem: YOU DON'T OWN IT BECAUSE YOU NEVER GOT AROUND TO ORDERING IT OFF THE NET! I'm telling you that you must order the cd now to prevent this catastrophe; you may end up doing something drastic to express your rage, like crumpling up multiple sheets of unused notebook paper. And that's just plain bad. And wasteful.

I just happened to come across Colepitz while surfing on Kayn's cable modem one time, and we both instantly agreed that they were Pluhband material. I believe that you will find it disturbing that there are bands out there this awesome that aren't even (and may never be) signed. Promoting these bands are our mission. Now let us get to...

The Reason (to purchase)

Some bands have songs that make you wait for the good parts (Machine Head, Deftones). Some bands give it to you right off the bat (Pantera, Vision Of Disorder). Then there are some bands that do both, and well (obviously I'm referring to this band). No crap tracks with 15 seconds of stupid sound effects that make you skip past them here, just hit play and let it go.

How do they sound? I bet you think I'm about to say 'brutal', like I often do. Well, this time I'm not. They sound exceptionally brutal. The incredible riffage combined with an beat you can feel used at all the perfect times will keep your head bobbing; don't try to keep it from doing so, because you can't. Don't you dare think that that the beginning of each song is as good as it gets; just when you think it can't get any heavier is right when it does.

Aside from the pummeling palm mutes and psycho screams, there's a very high level of creativity, originality, and dynamic usage throughout all the songs. A tune can start out pounding, then suddenly go very quiet or become melodic. "Coltrane" is my personal favorite; it starts out very subdued and eerie, then the song reaches 52 seconds and BAM, you get rear-ended by the car behind you. Of course, you don't even notice this because the song just got so heavy.

So should you grab your credit card and order this band's cd right now? Is the sky blue? Is Jennifer Love Hewitt attractive? Is Ricki Martin a one-hit-wonder? You better believe it. If Homer Simpson was reviewing this band, he would give them "9 thumbs up". Now if you'll excuse me *hits 'play' on cd player with Colepitz ready and waiting*, I have business to attend to. *moshes with self*