Tag Archives: End The Awkward

Michelle was born with cerebral palsy and growing up she never saw herself as different. Then she went to a mainstream college and everything changed. People treated her differently and it really knocked her confidence. Rather than let it beat her, it motivated her to change things and she’s been raising awareness ever since. For cerebral palsy awareness month, she shares her ‘dos and don’ts of disability’.

I grew up going to a specialist school so everyone around me was disabled from nursery up until I was 18. Then I went to a mainstream college and that was a big culture shock. I’d never seen myself as ‘different’ – I was just me – but college completely changed my outlook on everything. People treated me differently and it really knocked my confidence.

Until then I hadn’t realised that being disabled can make you so segregated – you could tell that certain people just didn’t want to talk to you, they didn’t want to get to know you. People would either make mean comments or be overly nice because they felt sorry for me and I felt like I was fighting a battle every day. I just wanted to be treated like everyone else.

I’ve never disliked anything about myself but going to college made me realise that not everyone is going to be accepting and you do need to work harder just to prove that you’re a ‘normal’ person.

I think a lot of the time it’s because people just don’t understand. If they have grown up around disability or known someone who’s disabled, it’s not surprising. Up until recently, you’ve never really seen disabled people in the media so, when someone sees someone who’s a bit different from them, they’re not going to know how to act or what to say.

A lot of the girls I went to college with said they’d never known someone who’s disabled. All they had was this made up idea that disabled people are all the same. They’ve got these preconceived ideas and then they’ve never met anyone who’s disabled to prove that idea wrong.

My experiences at college completely changed my outlook and made me determined to change things. People need to be educated, people need to see disabled people in the media more. Then being around disabled people won’t be a big deal, because it will just be what they’re used to seeing every day. It becomes the norm. In the meantime, here are a few of my dos and don’ts.

Do talk to me

I’m perfectly capable of speaking for myself but people speak to the person I’m with instead of me – even doctors. I’m sitting right here, you should have enough respect to talk to me instead of talking about me. Then, when I answer, they still don’t speak to me and it’s so frustrating because I’ve just answered you, you can see that I’m perfectly capable of talking to you but you carry on ignoring me anyway.

Don’t talk down to me

People talk down to you or act like you’re stupid. You’ll be out somewhere and people will go “Aw are you okay?” like I’m a child. No. I’m 28. I don’t need you to speak to me like I’m stupid. When people are patronising and treating you like you’re stupid, that can be just as damaging on your self-esteem.

Do take my word for it if I say I don’t need help

People often go “Do you want help?” and I say, “No I’m alright thanks” and then they just take over and do it anyway, not listening to what I’ve said. Sometimes, they don’t even ask, they just do it.

And definitely don’t push my wheelchair without asking

Some people will just push my wheelchair. I’ll be out somewhere and someone will go “Oh I’ll push you” and I’m like “No I don’t need you to do that”. You’d never pick someone up and move them around.

Don’t assume we’re all the same

A lot of people think if they know someone with cerebral palsy, I’m going to be exactly the same. And some people are like “Well you can’t have cerebral palsy because you can do this or you don’t do that.” I know best. Not every form of cerebral palsy is the same.

Do see beyond disability

In the media, people either don’t show disabled people at all or when they do, it’s solely focused on that. Yes, I’m disabled, but I am more than that. I’m a person first. Cerebral palsy doesn’t come before me as a person.

We’re just ordinary people, we don’t want to be treated any differently. We might do things differently or have to adapt, but we’re just human.

Like this:

Online dating has opened up new ways for people to meet and find love but for disabled daters it also brings preconceptions and challenges. For Valentine’s Day Michelle from Liverpool shared her experiences with us.

At school I was very sheltered, I never felt disabled until I went to a mainstream college. Nobody else in my class was disabled and it was a bit of a culture shock. I was in a class with 17 other girls and as difficult as it was for me, I also think it was difficult for them because they’d not grown up around someone who was disabled.

A lot of people I was around in college believed that if you were disabled you’d never have a boyfriend or never want a boyfriend. They’d say things like “you haven’t got a boyfriend, have you?” but actually, at the time I did. When they found out they’d then assume that obviously he must be disabled too. But just because I’m disabled, doesn’t mean my boyfriend has to be and in fact, he wasn’t.

Once you talk to a person and they get to know you, they get to know you as a person and it’s a lot easier to break down those barriers. But unless they take the time to get to know you, it’s hard. That can be especially hard when it comes to dating.

Michelle’s had some awkward dating experiences

I was born like this, it’s not special, it’s not different, it shouldn’t be an issue

I’m single at the moment and I do find dating difficult. Online dating is particularly awkward as I have to explain that I’m disabled. If you walk up to someone in the street they can see it straight away but online I never really know what to say because to me it’s not spectacularly different. I was born like this, it’s not special, it’s not different, it shouldn’t be an issue. But you never know how someone else is going to react.

Whenever I meet someone online I let them know I’m disabled by saying ‘I’ve got Cerebral Palsy which means I’ve got a slight limp.’ One time I went for a drink with a guy I met online and when I got there he said to me:

“You said your limp wasn’t really that bad but it is.”

I was like wow, what do you even say to that? I said, “no I don’t think it is that bad”. In what world is it okay to say that? You would never say to someone, “you’re not as good looking as your picture”. Unsurprisingly, I didn’t see him again after that.

I think it would help if people were generally more open minded about who they date; get to know the person, don’t be so superficial. I know to a lot of people looks are really important – and they are to me too – but if more people got to know a person rather than basing everything on what they look like it would make things a lot easier.

It’s important to find someone attractive but looks fade and a personality doesn’t. If you’re going to be with that person, they’ve got to be a good person. To me that’s a lot more important than what a person looks like.

Share this:

Like this:

With End the Awkward coming to an end for 2016. End the Awkward project manager, Neal Brown shares some of the top highlights.

Two thirds of people feeling awkward around disability, and some people feel so awkward that they’re avoiding disabled people altogether.

Considering 1 in 5 people are disabled, that’s a lot of time feeling pretty uncomfortable. We felt it was time to put a stop to it.

Over the last seven weeks we’ve been running our End the Awkward campaign, aiming to tackle the awkwardness that many people face around disability.

In this time our videos have been viewed more than 7.5 million times, and more than 71,000 people have visited our website looking for helpful tips.

Awkward moments

The reaction to the campaign has been fantastic. We’ve been inundated with people sharing their own awkward stories.

Jenny shared her experiences of awkward situations with her autistic child.

“As a parent of a little 4 year old who has autism and still learning to talk and has sensory issues yes people do react different and act awkward around my child… I’ve had people say there us something wrong with that boy. I’ve heard people say that we shouldn’t take our kids on buses. [The] End the Awkward campaign is doing an amazing job in raising everyday issues that people with disabilities face.”

While Adrianne shared this:

“Some guy asked what I had done when I came to the till in my wheelchair. But the awkward moment was when he kept prying after I said: ‘Oh, I’m just disabled’, and implied I must be injured and not sick.”

This year’s campaign saw us break new ground, partnering with UNILAD to create exciting new content. Have you ever used a guide dog as a sat nav? While we knew this was based on the real experiences of Emily, a Scope supporter, it’s a lot more common that you might think.

Gavin told us:

“In the 18 years of being a guide dog mobility instructor I heard stories like this on an amazingly regular basis.”

Ending the Awkward around the world

We’ve also inspired people across the world to start talking about these issues. In this video, RebelWheels NYC shares her thoughts on dating disabled people.

While our campaign is coming to a close for 2016, we know that there remains a lot of awkward situations around.

Help us to keep spreading the word by sharing our content with your friends, family and colleagues.

Like this:

Guest post from Phil Lusted, a web and graphic designer from north Wales.

For End the Awkward, he talks about awkwardness when it comes to dating and sex and gives some tips for getting over it.

When I was born, I was diagnosed with a rare form of dwarfism called diastrophic dysplaysia which means my bones don’t grow like an average height person would. Being only 3ft in height, I have come across many awkward moments in my life, one of the most common is being mistaken for a child or spoken to like a child.

My tips for dating

A first date can be nervous for any person, some thoughts that would typically run through my head would be: “What will she think of me and my height?” “Will she think I’m a weird shape?” “What if she feels embarrassed around me?”. It is perfectly normal for us to think like this, we all do it no matter what size or shape we are, it’s all part of being human and how our brain works when in a nervous or first time situation.

To help avoid awkward situations with your date, don’t be ashamed to educate them on your disability before actually going on the date. Tell them any needs you may have or any assistance you may need while on the date, this will put yourself and your date more at ease, you will both be pretty much on the same page with her or him knowing more about your disability and needs.

I knew my girlfriend three months prior to our first date which gave her plenty of time to learn about myself and my dwarfism, which resulted in our first date being comfortable for the both of us, that way we could enjoy our time together without any awkward situations taking place.

Sex and confidence

A lot of nervousness may also be from your own body confidence; I know this from my own experience. Because I was born with severe scoliosis, my back and chest are a funny shape which has in the past affected my confidence. Something as simple as taking my shirt off in a public swimming pool would never happen.

It’s important to be confident in yourself by not being ashamed of your appearance, at the end of the day, we all come in different shapes and sizes, it’s something we should embrace and be positive about. Life would be a little boring if we all looked the same. Also keep in mind that if your partner loves you unconditionally, then you have nothing to fear or feel awkward about when it comes to showing your body.

Communication is important

One of the biggest issues caused by feeling awkward or embarrassed is a lack of communication. Despite sex being considered a “private” or “taboo” subject, all relationships require communication and dialog. I think being open with your partner is very important, especially as disabled people.

Talk with your partner about sex and discover what’s best for the both of you to avoid having close-minded expectations. Remember that not everything works with every partner, so it is important to be patient with one another.

The more you talk to one another the less chances you will feel uncomfortable and awkward when it comes to being intimate together.

Carly is an Autism advocate, filmmaker and speaker. She wasn’t diagnosed with autism until she was 32, and now works to raise awareness of autism and girls.

For End the Awkward, Carly shares some of her own awkward experiences, especially those related to a lesser known aspect of autism – face blindness.

I was diagnosed with autism at 32. It’s typically seen as a male condition, but I have three daughters and two of them are autistic. Everyone I knew with autistic children had sons. There was nothing for girls. So I went on the internet and looked up everything I could about autism and girls. That’s when I first thought “I’m autistic too!”

Misconceptions about autism

When I was 14 my parents took me to see a psychiatrist because I was having difficulties. I couldn’t go to school, I was constantly anxious, I spent a lot of time in my room. He just said I was lazy. Then, after my girls were diagnosed and the penny dropped for me, I went to see a clinical psychologist. He made me do a test and, although I scored highly, he asked about my hobbies. When I said I’ve always liked acting, he said “Well you can’t be autistic then because autistic people can’t act”.

He also asked if there was any chance I could be making this up because autism in girls is so rare it’s impossible to have two in one family. So I went to the National Autistic Society and I decided to make a film about getting a diagnosis. I ended up being diagnosed on film!

I think it’s important to teach parents and to show people that there shouldn’t be any stigma, it’s okay to be autistic and it’s okay to be a parent and be autistic.

Awkward moments with face blindness

Before my diagnosis, I had no idea that face blindness even existed. Now I realise I’ve been dealing with it all my life. If someone wasn’t where they should be, like if I saw my teacher in the supermarket, I didn’t recognise them. People must have thought I was rude.

Now that I know I have face blindness, it can be even more awkward, because if I think it might be someone I know I start hugging them! Sometimes it turns out to be a complete stranger. I have a friend who has distinctive dark hair, often wears a checked shirt, and spends a lot of time in a café that I also go to. So one day, I walked into the café, saw a man in a checked shirt, with similar hair and I kissed him on both cheeks. Then I realised his wife was looking at me like she was about to hit me. It was the wrong person!

Another time, at New Year’s Eve, the person I was with was wearing a shirt that was very popular at the time. Midnight comes and we had a kiss, as you do, and he tapped me on the back. I was kissing a completely different person! It didn’t go down well. If I’d had my diagnosis at the time I could have said “Sorry – I’m face-blind”. What a good excuse!

I get words mixed up a lot

Autism is a communication and language disability, which affects me in different ways. One is that I tend to just say what I’m thinking. It’s like being Jim Carrey in Liar Liar and I can’t stop it. Everyone says “Oh you’re such a funny person” but I don’t mean to be a funny person at all. I often take things too literally as well. Which can be really awkward.

I often get words mixed up. For example, the words necklace and knickers just sound the same to me. It’s very important that no-one ever asks me to take my necklace off! Another one is I often mix up how and who, which can be awkward as I often ask “Who are you?” rather than “How are you?” or if I’m being asked “How are you?” I may reply “Carly?” or if I’m asked “Who are you?” I may reply “A bit chilly actually”. As you can imagine, this, on top of not recognising people, makes the outside world rather daunting!

Ending the awkward

When you get diagnosed you get self-awareness. An understanding that this is how you see things and this is how other people see things differently to you. I spent 32 years of my life thinking I must be “stupid”, “crazy” or “unliked”. Now I know why life was, and still can be, awkward. I hope by sharing my experiences I can help people.

It’s okay to say to people “This is how my disability affects me”. For example, if we arrange to meet, I ask if they can send me a photo of what they’re wearing that day. A lot of my autistic friends, we naturally do this with each other. So we’ll say I’m stood here, I’m wearing a blue coat and I have a red bag. It might seem weird to non-autistic people so we need make people aware, tell them how they can help. Decent human beings aren’t going to trip you up on it. I think anybody with a disability would prefer that people ask questions about what we need. We don’t mind. Not asking can break down any communication and that’s really sad.

When I saw End the Awkward I thought this is really good. Not everyone wants to listen to the serious side of things but boy there are some funny awkward stories! I think humour is the best way to get people to remember something. Information is really important but sometimes it can feel a bit like “Am I studying for this?” I think a joke helps bring people in.

Like this:

Chloe is a student and blogger, creator of Life as a Cerebral Palsy student and an Ambassador for CP Teens.

She has mild cerebral palsy, seizures and sometimes uses a wheelchair. For End the Awkward, she talks about some of the awkward moments this brings and how a balance of education and humour is the way to improve attitudes.

People often think I’m drunk

I’ve had various nights out where people thought I was completely wasted. I have cerebral palsy but I can walk unaided, with my stick. On a night out I don’t tend to wear my splints. I probably look ‘normal’ when I’m sat down and when I stand up people are shocked. People assume that, because I’m on a night out with friends, I’m drunk, when actually I can’t drink a lot with the medication I’m on anyway. At most, I might be a bit tipsy but bar staff will say “Oh you’ve had one too many”.

I tend to go one of two ways – I either make a joke, like “Oh yeah I guess I am… wonder why I’ve got this stick though” or I just say “Well actually I have cerebral palsy, I’m not drunk”. To which they’re usually like “oops”.

Misconceptions about wheelchair-users

Once, I was out clothes shopping with friends and I was in my wheelchair. My friends went one way to look at something and I was looking at a dress. It was on a higher hanger so I was leaning forward, not even standing up, just reaching and this woman looked at me and said “Ugh I hate it when people fake.” I was thinking “What?!” and obviously my friends weren’t there to back me up. I said “Excuse me?” and she said “Well you know, all these people pretending” and I said “Do you know what a part time wheelchair user is?” and she still didn’t believe me. I was just a bit speechless so I just went in the opposite direction.

Should we carry you down the stairs?

I’ve been at a restaurant where there were stairs to go down and the waiter came over like “We could carry you down the stairs?” so I said “I’ve got my stick, I can get down myself if that’s okay” and he just stared at me. I was like “I can walk. I may be exhausted by the time I get to the table but then I can sit down for the meal and I’ll be fine. And he was like “Oh… okay… so do you want me to carry your chair” and I said, “Well yes, that would be very helpful”. I’m amazed by how many people still think you either use a wheelchair all the time or you don’t, or you can either walk or you can’t.

Fear of the unknown

Because I also have seizures I get avoided quite a bit – people don’t want you to go unconscious on them! It can happen anywhere, like in the middle of busy city centres! There can be warning signs but it varies. I have three different kinds of epilepsy. It can range from “Sit me down now, I’m about to pass out” to no warning whatsoever and I’ll just fall.

I definitely think it’s more a fear of the unknown that anything else. People aren’t sure what to do if it happens so they don’t want to be in that situation. There are so many different kinds of seizures. People think about the ‘typical seizure’ but a lot of mine aren’t like that. So they don’t really know what’s going on. Their instant reaction is to call an ambulance or stare at me, neither of which is helpful. I rarely need medical intervention.

There’s no need to avoid me though. Once I collapsed on one of my friends and she wasn’t sure what to do but I came round and it was fine. She knew that I had seizures but she’d never actually seen one until then. She just joked “A warning would have been nice!” and now she’s used to it.

Ending the Awkward

I think you have to use it as an opportunity to educate people but maybe with a slightly humorous twist. You don’t want to be too serious because I think they’ll just go “Right I’m avoiding doing that again ever in my life” but if you laugh it off too much they might not realise that what they’ve done is bad. It’s about getting that balance right.

My name’s Emily Davison, otherwise known as Fashioneyesta. I’m a university graduate, writer, fashion and beauty blogger and YouTuber. I also happen to be visually impaired and work with a Guide Dog.

Every day I come across many misconceptions towards my disability and in turn I usually find myself in front of my camera or typing away at my laptop discussing these with my followers.

I was keen to take part in Scope’s End the Awkward campaign – to represent the sight loss community and to show that sight loss does not equate to ignorance, being un-fashionable or being stereotyped.

You can’t give my guide dog directions!

In my new film, you see me in an awkward situation around one of the most outlandish myths surrounding my guide dog – which is the common belief that people can give her directions instead of myself, and that she can follow them like a GPS system!

But, of course there are plenty more awkward moments where that one came from…

‘You’re well dressed for a blind person’

As a fashion blogger, comments I hear a lot are to do with my appearance. People will say ‘you don’t look blind!’ or ‘you’re very well dressed for a blind person.’

As if anyone with a visual impairment – simply because they lack sight – cannot have a conception of style, beauty or looking good, which is of course not true.

‘She’s blind and she’s wearing high heels!’

Another one I encounter on a regular basis is ‘Oh my god! She’s blind and she’s wearing high heels, how ridiculous!’ My answer to this is what does sight loss have to do with the clothes I wear? In what context do those two things relate?

I chose to take an interest in fashion because I enjoy the shopping process, I enjoy looking and feeling good and I happen to love wearing high-heeled shoes.

Awkward speed dating

Another time I went speed dating, and after talking to the person opposite me for a few minutes I got onto the subject of being visually impaired.

When I told him about my vision he sat back, blinked and said ‘Oh…Well what do you expect me do say to that?’ And the conversation came to an abrupt, very awkward end.

‘But you don’t look blind…’

On the bus one day I sat on one of the priority seats – those usually reserved for disabled people, elderly people or those with child.

But my guide dog was out of view and therefore to some I could appear to be a ‘normal person’ – a term I use very loosely.

An elderly gentlemen boarded the bus and said to me ‘Can you move please! These seats are for disabled people.’

It just so happened that my stop was next and so instead of staring a brawl I got up to expose my little four-legged friend, in all her guide dog splendour (neon harness).

There was a deadly silence…..He then responded ‘Oh god! No sit back down… it’s…it’s just…you don’t look blind!’

We all make mistakes

Awkwardness is something I experience in my everyday life, we all do, but disability shouldn’t be something to feel awkward about.

If you have ever felt awkward around disabled people – maybe you said something wrong or made someone feel embarrassed – the thing to do is simply apologise.

We all make mistakes in life and as long as we move forward and learn from them, this is what truly matters.

Guest post by Rosie, who has dyspraxia, which affects her movement, balance and sensory processing. For End the Awkward, she talks about feeling different, her journey to acceptance and how she stopped hiding.

I’ve always been aware of how differently I learnt and how tasks which everyone else found really easy took me so much longer. At the age of 4 I was diagnosed with dyspraxia, an invisible difference which is still very misunderstood. Dyspraxia is thought to be caused by a disruption in the way messages from the brain are transmitted to the body. This affects my ability to perform movements in a coordinated way, balance, motor skills and sensory and emotional sensitivity.

Every person with dyspraxia is affected differently. Even though I’ve always been very determined, I was also very shy and self conscious. I hated being centre of attention and any fuss made feel uncomfortable. I really struggled making friends as everyone was very different to me.

People didn’t understand

The lack of understanding which surrounds dyspraxia didn’t help at all, a lot of people didn’t and still don’t know what it is. I was misunderstood, judged and negative assumptions were made about me. I was called clumsy, careless, stupid, lazy and told that I simply wasn’t trying hard enough.

If you had asked me to describe what dyspraxia was and how it affected me I would have avoided the subject completely. I just didn’t know how to talk about it and was scared that people would run a mile if I disclosed to them. Awful bullying and ignorance at work had left me too anxious to speak, struggling with social anxiety and in a dark place.

Feeling different

A common theme for many dyspraxics is feeling different and struggling to make and maintain friendships. Over the years I’ve beat myself up a lot and wondered why I couldn’t be as socially confident as others, which is an ongoing challenge. I struggle with managing my emotions and can be prone to panic attacks and sensory sensitivity, which means the environment around me can be very overwhelming.

I’ve also spent a lot of my life hiding. Hiding from situations or environments which either triggered my anxiety or where I’ve felt uncomfortable. I concealed my dyspraxia and social anxiety which lead to me experiencing depression. For ages I thought it was just me being me.

Anxiety was taking over my life

Social anxiety made me feel in constant worry that I was going to embarrass or make an idiot out of myself. I worried that I would have a panic attack, experience sensory overload in public or say something that nobody “gets”and have everyone laugh at me.

Then there’s the constant worry that you’ve done something to upset someone and that people hate you and are simply putting up with you. When you’re anxious your whole body can tense up, you can start feeling sick and you can struggle to give eye contact, which is hard enough when you’re dyspraxic. It was easier to avoid doing anything or going anywhere.

After hitting a very low patch I realised I couldn’t go on like this. Anxiety was slowly taking over my life, stopping me enjoying the things I loved and leaving me fearful, low and constantly on edge, unable to sleep and with zero confidence and self-esteem. The more anxious I became the more clumsier I was and the more mistakes I was making and the more I beat myself up. It was a vicious circle.

Meeting others helped me stop hiding

I got involved in Dyspraxia Foundation where for the first time I felt like I could be myself. Nobody judged me if I made any mistakes. I met others who were dyspraxic and I didn’t feel so alone. I began to learn about how dyspraxia affected me but also the strengths which dyspraxia can bring, which to me are being caring, creative, able to think outside of the box and I’m a very determined soul.

By spending so much time hiding I wasn’t showing the world all of Rosie and I was missing out on so much. With the support that’s out there, I’ve been able to achieve a degree and a masters degree. I’m also learning strategies to help me cope with day to day life and support my mental health.

Ending the Awkward

I’ve been able to help others by writing blogs and raising awareness, helping them feel less isolated and alone. It’s given me more empathy when supporting students in my job as a learning support assistant. I’m determined that nobody should go through or feel what I have. Learning to be kind to myself is something I’m still working on but I’m fighting my fears one little step at a time.

That’s why I’m getting involved in Scope’s End The Awkward campaign. Disability and difference is nothing to be scared of – we’re human beings with feelings. A little bit of patience, time, and kindness can go a long way. Nobody deserves to be made to feel embarrassed or ashamed of being different. After all, wouldn’t the world be such a boring place if we all were the same? You never know what you might find out when you take the time to get to know someone.

Emma Satyamurti is an employment lawyer and litigator, and a partner at law firm Leigh Day. She believes that humour can be a great tool in changing attitudes and talks about the way we’ve used a lighter angle with our latest End the Awkward ad.

Feeling awkward makes people do the strangest things. My own back-catalogue as an unwilling awkward-ee includes:

being offered money

being ignored

being singled out;

being chuckled at for no reason;

being asked if I am ok when I am not doing anything that could suggest otherwise (unless being out of bed counts);

being talked about as if I am not there (along the lines of “isn’t she super?”)

being laughed at (admittedly mostly by children, and not very often).

These are by no means unusual experiences for disabled people, and there are many other variations on this theme. As part of its End the Awkward campaign, Scope has made some fantastic videos of disabled people talking about people’s responses to meeting them, which are as hilarious as they are poignant.

I don’t want to be too hard on awkwardness

I don’t want to be too hard on awkwardness though. It is very definitely not the same thing as hostility, or arrogance, or bigotry or the other horrible things that many disabled people are subjected to, though there may of course sometimes be an overlap.

Ironically, while being on the receiving end of awkwardness can be very uncomfortable, my sense is that awkwardness (and its close relative, anxiety) often arises from impulses which, properly channelled, are benign and indeed positively good: kindness, concern, worry about causing offence, protectiveness, sympathy and so on.

The End the Awkward campaign navigates this skillfully. In its light-touch and witty exploration of the issue, it conveys not so much a finger-pointing rebuke at misguided non-disabled folk, but a gently mocking send-up which cuts awkwardness down to size and shows how unnecessary it is.

Shared laughter is like shared food – it can bring people together and dissolve defences, at least temporarily. In the likely event that the ad makes us laugh (it’s very funny), I think we are all laughing at the same thing whether disabled or not.

What the ad makes fun of is the ridiculous panic of some of the non-disabled employees when a new and diminutive colleague is brought round to be introduced. It is this which the slapstick style of the film emphasises. We are encouraged to laugh not at the people themselves, but at what they do.

While disabled viewers may enjoy seeing a familiar scenario blown up into full-scale farce, non-disabled people may recognise a caricature of their own confusion in the office-workers diving for cover under their desks. But I would bet that any viewer will enjoy the comedy and cringe for the dapper new-joiner faced with such a woeful welcome.

It’s a fine line to be sure, and this is, I think, what makes the ad so clever. It packs a real punch but aimed at the issue, not at the inadequacy and vulnerability any of us can feel in an unfamiliar social situation. Awkwardness, embarrassment, ignorance, confusion; these are all states that thrive on silence. By bringing them loudly out into the open – diffusing, and at the same time defusing, them with humour – End the Awkward makes these things easier to recognise, talk about and change.

Disabled people don’t have sex, do they? It certainly seems that way as our sex lives are so rarely represented in the media, if at all.

Have you ever seen a disabled person having sex in a film, TV program, or a mainstream porno? Me neither.

We are a generation which loves to talk about sex, so why aren’t disabled people part of the conversation? Why are our sex lives are being hidden? And why are we being desexualised? We are consistently portrayed as people who never get our leg over and this couldn’t be further from the truth.

However, things have started to change with Maltesers recent ad campaign. The brand launched three disability-themed adverts which premiered on the opening night of the Paralympic Games, and one in-particular really stood out to me.

A text description of the advert is available at the end of this blog post.

Three women are sat around chatting about sex and one (who is a wheelchair user) talks about getting frisky with her boyfriend who didn’t complain when her hand started spasming! Funnily enough Storme Toolis who plays the part is thought to be the only disabled actor to ever have had a sex scene on UK TV.

It is hard to put into words just how happy I was to see this advert, it reminded me of the conversations I have had with friends leaving them in stitches when sharing my sex stories.

Disability in the bedroom

I have spasms and seizures, and I have them when I’m in bed. This can make sex both awkward and absolutely hilarious, not too different from non-disabled sex right?

In the past I’ve had to explain to a partner that my legs weren’t shaking because I’d had an orgasm – they were going into a spasm.

I’ve also come round from seizures before and not remembered who the person on top of me was. You can’t really get much more awkward then that, especially when you’re in a long term relationship!

Disability certainly keeps sex interesting and there are also some perks. Having so many seizures during sex forces me and my partner to have regular breaks which means it usually lasts much longer then it would without them. And telling people I’m disabled early on is also a great dickhead-filter, especially when online dating. You’d be amazed at how many people have stopped talking to me once they discovered I was disabled, but this has meant I’ve only ever met up with open minded people who I know I can trust to get into bed with.

Having barriers in the bedroom also means disabled people have to be more creative and our sex lives are often far from vanilla, trust me. Look at Scope’s A to Z of sex and disability if you want to find out more!

End the awkward

Maltesers are paving the way to end the awkwardness around sex and disability, but there is a long way to go yet. This is evident from some of the online comments left on the advert such as: “Retards who have sex are disgusting.” And: “I don’t really understand how disabled ‘people’ can be sexual beings without having souls.”

These attitudes need to be challenged, and the best way to do that is for more brands and broadcasters to follow in Maltesers footsteps. The more disabled people’s sex lives are accurately represented, the better perceptions will become. I hope one day I can turn on my TV and see disabled characters (played by disabled actors) having sex and for it not be out of the ordinary.

Beyond the bedroom

But this goes beyond sex, Scope’s 2016 Disability In The Media Study found that 80 percent of disabled people felt underrepresented by TV and the media on the whole.

It seems like this is only addressed for a few weeks every four years when the Paralympics comes around and this needs to change. We are the world’s largest minority group and we need representation every day of the year.

So decision makers, please don’t stop broadcasting about disability just because the games are over, let’s keep it on the box, and while you’re at it why not start representing disabled people’s sex lives too?

Video description: Three women sat outside around a picnic bench. The person telling the story is a wheelchair user and she is holding a bag of Maltesers in her hand. As she tells the story she shakes the bag and chocolates spill over the table. Her friends looked shocked at first but then everyone laughs. Text reads: “Look on the light side”.