Subscribe to Femina.in, India's fastest growing women's website

Femina has been capturing the essence of the Indian woman for 58 years now, and has evolved with her over the years bringing the world to her doorstep. And now, here's your chance to get the dope on everything--from celebrities and fashion, beauty and wellness, to lifestyle and relationships--delivered directly to your inbox. Plus expert tips, polls, contests and other interactive articles and a whole lot more!

When you earn more than him

You’ve worked hard all your life, found the perfect man and now there’s a fly in the ointment: you earn more than him, and he resents it. We’ve got your back with these ways to soothe over the ripples and move forward.

Rememberwhy you got togetherYou did not marry each other’s professional designations or your salaries. And while he definitely needs reminding of that, you might too. It’s the person who matters and this is something you need to work to rediscover. Says Shivani Khetan, relationship and life coach, People Solutions, “Look back, and remember the reasons you got together in the first place. Think about your collective future goals and you will realise this is just a petty concern in the larger scheme of things.”

Money is not a trump cardWhen you’re angry, you say things in the heat of the moment that you don’t mean. It isn’t right if you are using money as a tool to shut him up. It doesn’t matter if one partner is making `10 lakh a year and the other `20 lakh. You are both working very hard to get your paychecks. Dr Rajan Bhonsle, senior relationship counsellor, Heart To Heart Counselling Centre says, “It is important to be sensitive in such situations, especially if one spouse is currently doing better than the other. You may just be discussing your work, but it may appear as though you are gloating. Be considerate and talk about work only if your partner shows a genuine interest and asks you about it.”

Communication is keyAlways discuss what’s bothering you instead of bottling it up. Set a time once a month where you balance the accounts and do the household budgeting; like date nights, there could be a money night. Dr Bhonsle suggests the 4Cs of communication—caring, complete, clear and continuous. “A good dialogue at the right time sans any accusatory language drives the point home,” he adds.

Seek help“If you find yourselves getting into repeated heated arguments about money, decisions and household tasks, don’t jump to the conclusion that your partner is the problem. You might need help from a counsellor,” says Shivani. Dr Bhonsle, who has counselled many couples facing similar issues, says the therapy is executed in three stages. “We first meet them together to get a basic idea of the problem. Next, we have individual meetings, where they open up more. The eventual sessions, held together, involve asking them leading questions like, ‘Where do they see each other 10 years down the line?’, ‘What have they planned for the future of their kids?’ Sometimes we ask them about their investments and help them structure their budget. The work is done bythe couple, we act as monitors, leading them to a rational solution,” he says.