Q: I want to stop obsessing over my looks and comparing myself to other people. I'm 40 years old and am often told how attractive I am, but I worry that my husband will find me less attractive with age and be drawn to younger women. I need help resolving this issue!

-Michelle J.

A: Hi Michelle,

You ask a great question that many women will instantly identify with. In this day and age of media-driven marketing, we see an awful lot of beautiful people constantly paraded before us. The marketers of the world know that these people hold our attention longer and can sell us products and services. The end result is an idealistic image of how people should look, which causes unrealistic and unhealthy comparisons in society. And remember, your perception of a person’s physical beauty tend to change as you get to know the person inside. I addressed this briefly in another article titled Help! I'm Shallow and Focused on Physical Beauty.

While your concern is understandable, it’s a bit troublesome as well. First, your use of the word “obsessing” is a red flag for me. Obsession is a very powerful and emotionally-charged word that suggests something much more involved than simple vanity. Obsession is defined as: The state of being obsessed with an idea, desire, emotion, etc. that cannot be gotten rid of by reasoning. Only you know how powerful and disruptive this feeling is in your life, Michelle, but what you describe as obsession is often, in reality, insecurity. Since I can’t say for sure, I suggest you discuss this with a therapist before your obsession creates insurmountable issues that drive a wedge between you and your husband.