A state lawmaker wants to do away with the requirement for auto safety inspections. Cars don't injure people, he said, drivers do. Yes, like the driver who frantically pumps the brake pedal that isn't working.

Another state lawmaker wants to make it harder for police to cite someone for openly carrying a gun. The bill was prompted after a man was stopped last year for harmlessly walking near a mall with an assault rifle over his shoulder and a handgun at his side. Silly police; why should this cause suspicion?

Every well-dressed man this spring should top off his ensemble with a sporty assault rifle and matching fedora.

Straining for ways to win the hearts and minds of patriotic Americans, the geniuses at the Occupy movement decided to follow up their stunt of storming the Tournament of Roses Parade by burning an American flag last week.

Maybe next, to solidify their ties to middle America, they can sing "The Internationale" and spray-paint graffiti on the Lincoln Memorial.

Punxsutawney Phil saw his own shadow on Thursday. I think that means six more weeks of Newt Gingrich.

Actually, the annual Groundhog Day ritual has a lot in common with a political rally — lots of people getting excited to hear from someone who isn't quite human and doesn't really know what he's talking about.

So far, the GOP presidential race has been decided by one state in the Midwest, one in the Northeast and two in the South. Who thought up this system, the BCS?

No, if it was the BCS, Newt Gingrich already would have been relegated to something like the Chick-fil-A Bowl.

If this presidential thing doesn't work out for Newt, maybe he could open a chain of restaurants on the moon after it becomes a state. Of course, people might complain about the atmosphere.

Last week, Donald Trump changed his mind and decided to endorse Mitt Romney rather than Gingrich. Apparently, Mitt was able to produce a birth certificate.

Jay Evensen is the associate editor of the Deseret News editorial page. Follow him on Twitter @jayevensen.