We usually go the trust-but-verify route when someone makes that sort of claim, but we're gonna take this one at face value. For one, we want to believe. But the video evidence supplied by AMS Performance doesn't hurt their case, either.

This hearse is big and heavy, tipping the scales at more than 5,000 lbs. But that's OK: running 23 psi of boost, its turbocharged 6.0-liter LQ4 V8 engine puts 1,000 hp to the rear wheels and (eventually) to the pavement through a Moser 9-inch rear end.

It's enough to make the last ride you'll ever take one of your fastest: 0-60 mph comes in 2.26 seconds (a good 1.3 seconds faster than an E63 AMG wagon, and good luck fitting a casket in the back of one of those). 0-100 mph takes just 5.20 seconds. A quarter-mile flies by in 9.94 seconds at 137.36 mph. If this doesn't excite you, you probably don't have a pulse.

Anyway, you can watch Madness launch off into the great in the above video. It's a quarter-mile run so totally wykkd that it gets a power metal-backed introductory montage. So, uh, skip to 1:45 if you just want to watch a hearse bring the fire and sulfurous tire smoke of the underworld to an otherwise peaceful dragway. Be sure to visit AMS Performance's website for a full breakdown of all of Madness's features.

Graham Kozak
- Graham Kozak drove a 1951 Packard 200 sedan in high school because he wanted something that would be easy to find in a parking lot. He thinks all the things they're doing with fuel injection and seatbelts these days are pretty nifty too.
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