I didn’t like my first time. Not because I was underprepared. Not because of the little pain I felt. Not because I didn’t feel pleasure after it. But because of what I thought people would think of me now that my hymen had been sloughed off.

I was 17 back then. Don’t faint. Yes, I was sexually active as a teenager. I’m 23 now. A lot has happened in 6 years.

I dumped my most recent boyfriend a while back. I had slept with him as well. Little did I know, however, that I’d get word that this so-called boyfriend was busy calling me a “whore” behind my back, letting everyone know about his exploits with me. He thought he had led me on. He thought I was so gullible I’d fall prey to his irresistible charm.

Time for a mini-vomit moment? Yes.

The thing my horrendous ex doesn’t know is that I wanted to sleep with him as much as he wanted to sleep with me. The thing I think most Lebanese guys don’t know is that we, Lebanese women, need sex as much as them. The only thing stopping us from pursuing it like they do is our fear from society turning on us.

“Chefto heide? Bento la flen? Eh heide charmou*a.”

I’m not afraid to walk around Hamra, my neighborhood, today with my head held high. I have nothing to be ashamed of. Who should be ashamed is every single person in Lebanese society who has no problem deflowering a girl or penetrating her, both literally and figuratively, and then pretend it was her fault for being receptive.

I have to ask those men busy calling women whores. Who are you sleeping with exactly? Dolls? Fleshlights? I rest my case.

For the women criticizing other women who sleep around, why don’t you do something useful instead? Like trying to get us into power, like trying to lobby against our current laws which are way more degrading to us than a reputation you think I’m forcing on you. Instead, you’re busy bringing down every other women who doesn’t fit into the conservative mold society has implanted in your head. I’m not judging you because of it. You have the right to be critical. But I’m pretty sure there are lots of things I can criticize about you. You don’t see me doing that, right?

People with glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Lebanese society, when it comes to sex, is slowly opening up. No pun intended. But we have a long way to go. No one has a problem admitting sex is a beautiful thing. And it sure is. But many have a problem acknowledging that people are actually having sex.

I spent last summer in Paris and it was one of the most liberating experiences of my life. I wasn’t afraid of what people would think of me if I had a little more than I should to drink at a pub. I didn’t care about what some guys would think if I was obviously hitting on them. I didn’t think what other girls would think about me being happy on a Saturday night.

I do that in Lebanon too.

But the thing is, the girls and guys of Paris didn’t care as well. Their equivalent in Lebanon would be eyeing me either as a potential prey or as a threat. Take your pick.

I recently read an article on NowLebanon by Angie Nassar titled “A Culture of blame” and while I believe her analogy between what happened with Myriam Klink and NewTV’s Ghadi Francis is a little far-fetched for my taste, I have to say that the most poignant point is made early on:

If a woman steps outside the strict boundaries of behavior prescribed to her, she faces communal rejection, stigmatization, violent assault (as in the case of Francis), and even death by way of “honor killing.”

The sad thing is that everyone’s participating in painting the box that women are allowed to be free in: the men, the women and our media.

For example, when it comes to the Myriam Klink incident, no one had a problem rejecting Nemr Abou Nassar for calling her a whore. Her song is sexually suggestive? Of course. But what right does that give anyone for calling her a whore, regardless of how “obvious” you might believe that is?

When it comes to the Ghadi Francis incident, if the SSNP – horrible as that party may be – had beaten up a man, wouldn’t that have caused a bigger stir than the basically irrelevant ripple that the Francis incident caused?

When it comes to everything in our society today, don’t you find that there’s a flagrant double criteria applied to women, the most simple of which is the issue of sex? Men are allowed to have sex. Women are not. If men become promiscuous, then they are deemed as studs. If we fool around, then we are whores.

People tell me that I need to appreciate my body and not let it defiled in the way that I think should be permitted. But I have to ask, what business does my body have to do with you? Isn’t this my skin, my muscles, my face, my breasts and – gasp – my vagina? Don’t I own all these things? Aren’t they the byproduct of my parents having sex to bring me here? Aren’t these my property and no one else’s? Don’t I get to do anything I want with something I own as long as it doesn’t hurt you?

I don’t see how me having sex is hurting you.

I don’t see how me having sex can be hurting anyone.

I don’t see how me having sex should elicit any response apart from the question from my girlfriends “so how was it?”

Sadly enough, getting to that point is still so far that the questions many of my girlfriends as me today is “how could you? After only the first date?”

Perhaps I’m a little hasty and upfront. Perhaps I should be a little slower. But the whole point is the reputation of Lebanon doesn’t rest on my body. Stop making it seem as if me having sex is hurting our country indefinitely. Stop making it seem as if the whole Lebanese situation rests on my hymen. Stop making it seem as if the whole solution of the sectarian system is contingent upon me being forever untouched. Stop making it seem as if being a good person can only happen with me not spreading my legs – ever – except for my future husband. Stop making it seem as if the only interaction men would want with a girl like me is to get into my pants. Not gonna happen.

If me spreading my legs for you will make you go all conservative on my reputation behind my back, then let me tell you something quite honestly. It’s going to be you and your hand every single night.

Great article. Although you really can’t say all of this if you aren’t completely financially independent. in other words you can do whatever you want provided that you pay for your own living and that is why a lot of girls move out of their parents homes and live on their own especially in the US.

also with regards to Nemrs’ comments, that came in a reply to what Myriam mentioned on twitter which was degrading to just about anyone and is worse than women being called whores.

I love it! Thumb up
I think we are overloaded with problems in this country and a woman’s sexual choices couldn’t be one of them no matter what these are and how you see them…
I only wish that the time will come when we can be true to ourselves in this f****** country and stop “hiding behind our finger”…

Reading all these positive comments is really a joy!! It gives hope that there are still people in Lebanon who can think beyond their prejudices and herited point of views.
Deep thanks for what you wrote and for Elie who gave us the opportunity to read it 🙂

Great article, well written, and I totally agree with it. Above all we should set our own individual standards. Ideally, society should not have a say in consentual love. I’m spending my time as a student with the same lovely woman, but I do not expect everyone to be just like this.

I come from one of the most “sex tolerant” societies on earth, or so they say. But also we have a lot of double standards regarding this topic. Bigotry and jealousy are enormous factors to people judging others. Fortunartely, I rarely hear people refering to sexually active women as whores, and their rants wouldn’t be too welcome. I often find people who are obsessed with the promiscuous behavior of others to be the socially akward type, or they have something very big hidden in the closet, under their pillow, or in their memory.

Thank you for reading Daniel. I haven’t settled down yet. I think I’m still young for that but when I do that, I won’t be one to go mess around and I expect my husband not to mess around as well.

I don’t know which culture you’re talking about but I’m going to assume something European. Double standards exist everywhere but it’s the way you deal with them that counts. Calling a woman whore here is met with applause (the Myriam Klink example).

For all intents and purposes, you should always walk with your head held high. Having sex, according to your terms and preferences, is something that you should never feel guilty about. The jackass that called you a whore, is, well, as jackass.

Regarding Nemer, I think you are absolutely right. He should have been blamed for calling her a whore just because it was easy for him to do so. Mix FM should be held responsible for letting him rant as much as he did (a whole show of 30 min or so) on the subject of Myriam’s less than stellar song. During the show he used some pretty offensive language to describe Myriam Klink and her song.

People in the public sphere should know better. Nemer is no exception.

You girl deserve a fu***ng medal! Not because you think this way, many girls do, but because you wrote about it! A handful of people with your personality should be enough to start changing perspectives!

While courage can only be admired and praised, and while your “bringing up ” of this “taboo” issue is surreal and cool in a country such as Lebanon, here’s a slightly different point of view. Just like your body is YOUR body, your country is YOUR country. I remember when I was 23 since its just 12 years ago, and all I ever wanted was for my country to be similar mentality wise and “cooleness” wise to another Country. I wanted this soooo bad that I ended up imigrating 3 years later to the States. I must tell you that i definitely miss my little moderately conservative state. I am definitely not defending the retarded jerks who call women whores and I know that this was the title of your blog, but i am sure you agree with me that Lebanese conservatism is not an all bad mentality.Lebanon is a mix of at least two different cultures trying to meet halfway rendering the most modernized one of them not so modern. Strangely enough i do miss my escapades with my girlfriend at that time, now my wife. In a way, it defined us, making it an achievment needing struggling and planning. In otherwords, needing to worry about other people’s opinions had they seen us made it fun and somewhat real. 10 years now in a ” non judging” free for all Country, and having TWO daughters I surely want them to never grow up but more realistically, while I never want them to be ever called whores, i would love for them to be able to experience our Lebanese restrictions to a certain extent where its not all that easy to ” spread their legs for anybody ” 😉 but at the same time be able to enjoy their lives.

I think it’s disgusting that places like Lebanon and the middle east are so backward when it comes to sex. People need to stop bringing “God” into everything and just live their lives. We are animals, sex is more natural to us than religion, law or social expectations ever will be.

You really are very brave to write the stuff you wrote, and by the way the line about the whole Lebanese situation resting on your hymen just slayed me, I was laughing so hard my dad walked into the room. Anyways hope you write more articles, you obviously know what you’re doing. Love ya.

That bitch is inviting l dkoura to screw her hard. Guys take a number and stand in line she will be available all summer long to grasp ur dick deep in her hot vagina
Myriam clink what a shit to be considered ur idol,
Im sure all good guys are dumping you thats why this rage feelings inside u, get over it u will always be a bitch carrying such an attitude,
Enjoy ur fuck for now, soon u will be thrown into traash
And last but not least, guys sheddo helkon haj merkheyin ya lawat
Alios

Lebanese women are whores because they lose sight of their feminine integrity due to a media encouraged craving for a ‘western character’ and the desire to be recognized as a so called “free and independant woman”.
This may sound a bit short sighted first but think about it, ALL behavioral patterns in arab women who look at their motherland and call all of the guys there shortminded, clearly show that all behavior and even looks are straight copied from movies, music videos and even commercials on tv…

No one wants to be that submissive girl that vaguely reminds her (this type of girl) of the images engraved in her mind. These images are carefully planted in their minds by the media.
In such an agressive and thought trough manner that even the trained eye can not easily spot the subliminal effect women in the arab world are exposed to.

Combine this with the instability of war and unrest that plagues the arab world in this day and time, and a situation is created in which women are put in the position they have to choose between a lifetime of shame for accepting a low profile islamic existence. OR taking the easy way out, putting aside all morals and standarts that form a stabile-charactered an conscious future mother, only to become a ‘loose goose’who spends her days ‘enjoying’ life as a “independant” woman, independant and shut off from love. True love that comes from a happy home. A family.

There is no longer a brave and strong middle east we knew, instead there now is a divided and weakened iddle east. Men are divided from women, women divided from the holy sacred role as mothers. The illuminati has succesfully accomplished their mission to make muslims hate their own people. Starting with the sisters,daughters and future mothers, and their dream of being accepted for chasing after the ‘american dream’ and going through life alone.

Great article! I totally agree with you Lady…It will take some time and many efforts to change this “Lebanese Mentality ” but an article like this one is a step forward to achieve a Liberal Mentality!! Great article! I totally agree with you Lady…It will take some time and many efforts to change this “Lebanese Mentality ” but an article like this one is a step forward to achieve a Liberal Mentality!! Peace

Waw! Extraordinary really! That was a long awesome speach! People…. Just live it’s your life your choice! You decide and you freedom! I was at germany the past few days! Nothing compared to here! Same as you already spoke and said about paris.. Again.. Great speach:)