Surviving Grief In The "New Normal"

Written By: Brooke Centeno

Grief. I had no clue what it was all about until I was thrown so abruptly into this down spiraling pit. It was a typical Sunday morning, I had just moved back to America (I am Australian) to marry the man of my dreams in just 6 weeks. All of my family were coming over for the wedding and there was pure excitement in the air. We were on our way to church when I got a text from my mum telling me to call her but to make sure Aaron (my fiancé at the time) was with me. I didn’t think anything of it but as soon as I heard her voice, I knew something was wrong. My Nana had been sick a lot lately so I assumed that something must have happened to her, but then the words came out of her mouth, “Bub, it’s Dad….. he passed away’.

WHAT??!!! ​At that moment my heart stopped, my body felt lifeless and the sobbing was uncontrollable. I could barely breathe, I wanted to vomit. How? When? Why? God where are you? God how could you?! This isn’t true. Maybe they got it wrong?! Devastated and completely heart broken, lost, wrecked and paralyzed to say the least. I was so disappointed with God that I had no words for Him for quite a long time. My Dad had died suddenly from a heart condition so no one saw it coming. That was 3 years ago now.

One thing I’ve learned in this journey of losing my Dad, is that everyone deals with grief differently. Even those who have lost the same person you have. I have 3 sisters and after travelling back home to Australia for the funeral, I walked into one of their houses where everyone had gathered. One sister looked like death herself, drowned and down. The other looked sad but strong, especially in front of her kids, and the other just acted like nothing happened. There is no formula, no easy way out of the emotion and pain, and no wrong or right was of dealing with grief. For me, I firstly went into a deep dark pit of grief and despair and struggled to find my way through. It was a good six months before any type of light seemed to shine at the end of the tunnel. The first glimpse of light came when I decided to start serving in my local church. They say what you focus on the most becomes biggest in your life. For me, I shifted my focus from myself to others. In that serving, my hands were finally open for God to come and heal the areas I was holding on so tightly to before. From there, it’s been one dolly step at a time. It hasn’t been an easy road at all, especially in those big life moments. The walk down the aisle without him, family vacations, having our first baby and now expecting our second. His absence in these moments break my heart all over again and it always feels like no one else understands.

Each new season of grief comes with its own challenges. My biggest struggle right now is jealousy. I get jealous when I see someone’s Dad walk them down the aisle, or when people celebrate Fathers Day with their Dad’s, but mostly I get jealous when I see my Father-in-law with my son. It may sound weird to some, but the only thought that goes through my mind when I see them together is “that should have been MY Dad with my son”. It’s a war in my heart but if my son couldn’t have my Dad, then there would be no better person I would choose for him to have. Loss is a funny thing. Little things trigger the emotions deep inside. Sometimes they are shown on the outside through a single tear or even a flood of tears, but most of the time it’s an ache deep in your heart that no one can see.It somewhat lessens slowly in time because you are forced to find a new normal. If you don’t keep moving forward, it will consume you and paralyze you. It’s crazy how your life can be so beautiful and sweet but the sense that something is missing will always remain. All I can do now is cherish those sweet moments I did have with my dad, continue to become someone he would be proud of and everyday know I’m one day closer to seeing him again.

Psalm 40:1-3I waited patiently for the Lord,He turned to me and heard my cry.He lifted me out of the slimy pit,out of the mud and mire:He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.He put a new song in my mouth,a hymn of praise to our God.

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How I Met The Author

The second that Brooke Centeno smiled and said "Welcome to Free Church" in the most beautiful Australian accent that I have ever heard, I thought... "I want to be her friend"; it was love at first sight. Gorgeous, creative, compassionate, smart, loving, caring and fearless (who else moves across the world to follow her heart) are just a few words that don't begin to describe this awesome wife and mom that I am blessed to call friend. In the last 2.5 years that I have known her she has given life into the places in my life that I thought were dead. Brooke has a way of speaking up for the voiceless and bringing hope to dry bones to make them come alive. In a time that I felt like God had forgotten me, this beautiful friend reminded me that I have a purpose far greater than anything that I could ever imagine and to not walk in it is to not live at all. In life you sometimes have to go to war in the flesh or in the spirit, which ever comes my way... I am Thankful that God has blessed me with Brooke to battle with me.