There are some phrases in widespread, common use that seem to be universal hot buttons to piss people off. Really, I don’t understand how it became commonplace for people to say things that erode the very respect that relationships are built on, and yet I hear people say it – and complain about having these things said to them – frequently. Certainly, we should always be honest and authentic in our dealings with people, but discernment is an absolute necessity in our dealings with ALL people. Just because it flies through your brain doesn’t mean it needs to fly out of your mouth, and in fact there are many times when it’s best to keep that thought in your head and fake it till you make it with your words (or silence, depending on the situation). For example, here are some phrases you should eliminate (or at least, drastically reduce) in your vocabulary that will garner more respect, motivate people to cooperate and work well with you, and make you appear more intelligent and savvy: 1. “Whatever.” Nothing coveys the ignorant-inconsiderate-jerk trifecta like this one word phrase. You have the entire English language at your disposal and that’s all you’ve got? If it is, then it’s time to recognize the uncomfortable fact that sometimes, the best course of action is to gracefully back away and let silence be golden. And if you refuse to exercise the right to remain silent, then a simple “I hope that works out for you and wish you luck” is much more dignified than throwing out something that makes you look like a cross between an immature tween and a person that’s learning English as a second language - and isn’t quite getting it. 2. “Do what you’ve got to do.” I don’t hear this one as much as I used to, but it’s still out there, and it’s a sin for the same reasons as “whatever.” More accurately, that’s redneck for “I don’t like what you’re doing and would move Heaven and Earth to stop you, but that would reveal me as a selfish jerk to the rest of the world and I don’t want to do that, so go on and get this over with so you can get back to doing things that make me happy.” It isn’t your job to like or even understand everything that other people do, so let go and accept that people have a right to lead their lives, do things, and make decisions that work best for them regardless of what you say, think, or need. Instead, say “I understand this is important to you.” Even if you don’t and you hope it blows up in their face, just fake it and at least acknowledge their right to live as they see fit. Because I guarantee you’ve done things that made them go “Hmmm” in the past . Plus, if you want people to stay interested in your life, then you have to at least act like you give a crap about them and their life, even if you don’t care about them any more than you care about the extra 40 minutes in a Martian day. 3. “That’s not my problem.” I stand back when people say this because it’s an open invitation for the universe to hit you with its best shot, and that’s a challenge it ALWAYS accepts. Sure, you aren’t responsible for every single thing that happens in the world, and there are some things that aren’t your business, but have some dignity in declining to accept responsibility that you feel isn’t yours. “I’m sorry I can’t help you with that” is much more gracious and doesn’t invite fate, the universe, the world, or whatever you wish to call it to deliver an entirely new batch of problems into your life. Fake sympathy for the other persons’ plight even if you don’t really feel it because you WILL be at the receiving end of this one day, and the measure you get will be the measure you’ve given. It happens to us all. 4. “You don’t really want that,” or “Stop wasting your time on that and do this instead.” Excuse me, when did God appoint you to His position, because that’s what it looks like you’re playing at with either variation of this. You have no way of knowing what’s in other peoples’ hearts or what plans are in store for them, and they aren’t required to get your approval for it, either. People have a right to make their own decisions. You never know what might happen and statements like this may very well make a fool of you one day. Don’t take a chance. 5. “I told you so.” Even if you preface it with the I-hate-to-say-it-but clause, it’s still ridiculous because they already know. Demonstrate some maturity and don’t gloat over somebody’s failings, even if they asked for it and everybody knew it was foolishness from the start. As I said in the last statement, people have a right to make their own decisions and that means having the grace to let them make their own mistakes. Pray they’ve learned from the experience, and don’t gloat lest you wander into folly someday. Because none of us are as smart as we think we are. 6. “ I did that too, and let me tell you how I did it better.” Nobody likes a know-it-all or a show off, and a constant need to one-up people blinks “I’m insecure!” brighter than a digital billboard. You don’t have to be in the spotlight every minute of every day. Back down and let others have their day in the sun every now and then. Because we all know that nobody’s done everything under the sun, and there will always be people out there that have done it bigger, better and more recently than you have. Let go of the competition to always be #1 and learn to be happy with the life the Lord gave you. 7. “If I were you, I’d …” Turn off anybody that prefaces a statement with this immediately, because it’s a clear sign that they don’t know what they’re talking about. Wisdom gives options. Experience shares insight. Ignorance says that if they were you, they’d go out and kick the world in the you-know-where, and that’s most often foolishness that would make a bigger mess of things if anybody were dumb enough to take this advice. Plus, they wouldn’t have the guts to actually do it, because some people are good at telling people to do things they wouldn’t dare do themselves. 8. “You should make them do it.” Guess what? Scientists have found the center of the universe and it’s not you. That’s the fastest way to run a person out of your life. You don’t make anybody do anything they don’t want to do, and if you try to then trust me – you’re ego can’t handle what they really think about you. If you have to control someone every minute to “keep them in line,” then you’re trying to force them into a place or relationship where they don’t belong. Don’t beg people to be your friend or try to force them to your will. Pray for what Joyce Meyer refers to as “divine connections.” Those are friends and acquaintances that you get along with so well that you don’t want to change them because you appreciate how their uniqueness enriches your life. 9. “I would NEVER do that/accept that/put up with that.” Never say never or the Lord will make you do it to show you who the boss really is. One never in your life that’s absolute: you never know what life has in store for you. Someday you could well be dining on crow while dealing with something that you thought you were too smart/special/good for. Life has a way of humbling us, and the “I would never” statements are a GPS on how to get that done. 10. Anything other than “I’m sorry for your loss” and “I’m praying for you and your family” at a visitation or funeral. Anything else sounds stupid and believe me, there’s nothing clever or inspirational you can say that will get through people in the depths of grief. The dumbest things I’ve ever heard have all been said at visitations and/or funerals because people try to justify death and offer comfort in religious platitudes. Folks, I’m Christian too, but this isn’t seminary or time to play preacher. I remember what C.S. Lewis wrote about death not being natural because human beings weren’t created to die and it’s the most painful consequence that we pay for sin. He’s absolutely right. There’s nothing right about death and there’s no way to wrap it up in pretty phrases or platitudes that makes it suck less. So give it up. Don’t engage in conversations with the bereaved if they try to start one, either. This isn’t the time or place to engage in theological discussions, discuss anything beyond condolences for the loss (no gossip or “what’s up with me” statements), and it certainly isn’t appropriate to leverage your personality or make a big impression. It’s a subdued occasion so dial it down, make an appearance, and for goodness sake, shut up.

Maybe you relate to some of this and are nodding, saying thank you for revealing it! Or maybe you see it as a calling out. I certainly don’t mean it that way, and I admit that I’m guilty of uttering some of these phrases. In fact, I had to work at cutting the “whatever” and “I told you so” out of my vocabulary, and I get along with people so much better now that it’s gone. My point is not to say “shame on you.” It’s to shed light on small things that chip away at trust and give guidance that I’ve learned in building bridges to cooperative relationships that last. It takes time and effort, but if modifying my vocabulary slightly will help with that, then it’s an effort worth making. I believe if you’ve read this far then you believe it’s a worthy effort, too.

That’s all today. Take care. I hope you have a Happy Friday tomorrow and a great weekend.

What a week it’s been! I’ve talked to a lot of people, and it seems that a lot of them are struggling with issues of a lack of cooperation, direction, and kindness. Nerves are frayed and peoples’ patience is coming to the very last nerve. I know, I share some of these frustrations. It’s certainly been a tough week. One thing you must realize; however, is that sometimes, the best way to deal with wrong is to do what’s right. And so, since it’s been a tough one for so many of us this week, I’d like to use this entry to share some of the best advice I’ve received. It’s from a number of sources – family, friends, doctors, professors, and even online postings that I like to call “Twitterisms.” So read on for hope on how to weather the storm and come out better on the other end. But let me warn you ahead of time: Some people aren’t going to appreciate that you’ve been told this. Let’s just say that this advice doesn’t sit well with those that have, shall we say, less than pure motives. That being said, this advice will lead to better endings, but it might not make you the most popular person around – so the decision between what’s right and what’s popular comes into play. And so, without further ado, here we go: 1. When I got married and moved out of my parents home (I married shortly after graduating college), Mom asked Dad to give me some advice for going “out there in the world.” His advice: Don’t do stupid things, and don’t listen to people that are doing stupid things. Mom thought that was woefully inadequate to send me out into the world with, but I’ve found that covers a lot of ground over the past 15 years. I daresay, that’s better advice than Winston Churchill’s commencement speech about never giving up. Just use your noodle, folks. It’s that simple. And as an ancillary to this advice, I’d add: If somebody prefaces a statement with “If I were you,” turn them off immediately. That’s the #1 indicator that they don’t know what they’re talking about and are about to suggest that you do something that they’d never do themselves. People with experience share what they learned with you. Troublemakers tell you to do what they wish they were bold enough to do but know darn well is extreme and would cause more trouble. And wise people listen.2. My granddaddy passed away over 20 years ago, but he used to regularly give me advice that is the only thing I’ve found come to pass with a 100% accuracy rate. What goes around always comes around, so be very careful to do what’s right and treat people in a way you can live with later. The problem is that some people aren’t attentive to reality, and they fail to realize the “why do bad things happen to good people” whining they experience is directly tied to an earlier indiscression. Folks, I’ve said it many times over but it’s worth repeating: This is absolutely true. If you aren’t a person of faith, then consider this: The universe only has so much energy, and you can only get back what you send out. If you do bad things (reap the wind), then only bad things can come back to you (sow the whirlwind). I recently read where somebody in the ministry wrote that your duty is to do right even if everybody around you is doing wrong because in time all things are accounted for. So forget about revenge. The natural balance of life will work it out in time as long as you’re attentive to your own words, deeds and actions. 3. Many of you know I went through some major life transitions three years ago, and during that time someone gave me this invaluable advice: When people stop listening, stoptalking and start doing what you can to improve the situation. A failure to listen is a failure to cooperate, and you have a right to make your life the best it can be. And God help, if they give you the “that’s not my problem” or “do what you’ve gotta do” lines, then they just annihilated their gripe rights. Strike out on your own and get to work making the changes that are necessary for you to thrive. And as an ancillary to this: everybody doesn’t need to know everything going on in your life. Use discernment, especially on a life improvement journey. Because sadly, not all people have your best interest at heart, and they’ll fight very hard to keep you in the handy box you’re in because it serves their interests. 4. The same person that gave me that advice gave me another piece of advice that a lot of people wish I didn’t know, because it got them in trouble. That advice: Don’t listen to what people say. Watch what they do, because they lie with their mouth and live truth through actions. For all the “I’m so busy!” and “I meant to …” excuses, the truth is that people make time for the things that are really important to them. Open your eyes and I guarantee that you’ll be implementing some of the changes in #3 in many areas of your life. I did and let me tell you: It pissed a lot of people off, but the “housekeeping” from that period helped me to set my life right in order of my priorities, not on junk based on lies people were trying to sell me that were 100% to their benefit and 0% to mine.5. A doctor once told me that a great way to beat anxiety is tomind your own business. Stop getting involved in everybody’s affairs and trying to solve their problems and run their life. God gave you a life and attending to that is your purpose. Let other people attend to their purpose. Now I’m not saying you shouldn’t help people – if you can, then you certainly should. But if it doesn’t directly involve you or have any impact on you, your home, or your life, then back off. 6. I recently read something that said “a rut is a grave without end.” I know that life goes through slow seasons and there are times when it seems you can’t get anything going, but you can’t stop pursuing change that improves your life. This quote really hit me because I went through a season of life when I did fear change, and when I was forced out of it I was surprised by how weak I had become spiritually. It really was a slow death happening to me, and it shocked me so much that I’ve made it a point to do two things on a daily basis: Open my eyes to my reality, and boldly take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small. Because small things lead up to big things, but it is a progression. Don’t make the mistake I did and get yourself in a place where other peoples’ decisions force you to make a change and they’re steering your ship into waters you don’t want to be in. Make sure you’re steering the ship with a destination in mind, and make appropriate course corrections along the way. 7. And in closing, a Twitterism that I read recently: Life is heavy because of all you hang on to. Life becomes lighter with the more you let go. You simply can’t hang on to every bad thing and indiscression that happens or you’ll be a bitter, miserable person. Sometimes you have to realize that some people simply don’t know how to be decent human beings. “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself (Proverbs 26:4). Don’t let people drag you down. Limit your contact with them, let it go as ignorance, and go on your way. I know these tips aren’t a cure for all situations or ills, but with patience they can work to lead you to better days. So take heart in this knowledge and hang in there, knowing that this too shall pass – and it will pass much faster and easier if you walk in wisdom. That’s all today. And now, enjoy this video. It's catchy! It's creepy! It sticks to your head and inspired Incursion. Bye!Happy Friday to you tomorrow and have a safe and Happy Memorial Day weekend!

Hi everybody; I hope you're off to a great start to the week. Remember my last entry, when I said that the truth was showing itself? Well, it happened again. Somebody that turned on me got turned on by the very person they were defending. All I can say is to pick your tirades carefully. You look like more of an igit than they do when they show themselves. It's not judging in this case. It's truth showing itself, as it always does. I tell you, reaping and sowing is so true that it seems people would have a reverential fear of it. Granddaddy certainly respected this as a life truth, and I see why. Heck, my own experiences have taught me that lesson, and other people remind me of it all the time. If I ever forget to check myself, I only need to live for a day to be reminded. Anyway, moving on ...I finally started my next writing project: Improving my skills at writing short stories. It's something I've long neglected. I've known for a long time that I need to study up on writing stronger short stories, but I've always pushed it to the background to work on novels. Well, I'm ready now. I found a couple of ebooks on writing better short stories, and I did a couple of drafts of 600+ word stories that I posted to my portfolio at Writing.com for feedback. I hope this works as well as it did with the novels. I made progress with them fast - in a matter of months! We'll see. Hopefully, my meeting schedule is letting up. In fact, Wednesday is the last meeting on my schedule until February. That doesn't mean that some won't pop up. In fact, I'm certain they will. But the degree of formality should be much less. Nothing to up the ante on the dress code at least (I hope!). I can't believe it's almost Halloween! I know a lot of people said it was a long, hot summer, but it seemed to leave without warning. I was out watering my roses and thinking, I can't believe these will probably be my last blooms of the season. So I cut 3 of them and put them in a bud vase in the kitchen. One last taste of temperate weather. I'm sure the first freeze is probably a matter of weeks away.

You know what I believe my problem really is? It's not the season, it's displacement. Usually, Fall is a natural season of winding down, but I don't feel like winding down. I'm marketing a book, have another one on the way, and am focusing on improving in another area of writing. I usually slow down this time of year, but I just don't want to this year. Then again, the reason I did that in the past was because we went into license renewals at work around this time of year - but since they changed us to biennial license renewals, well, there are no renewals because everything is valid through 2013. Wow, that's odd! This will be my first year without license renewals since I started this job over 12 years ago. No wonder I feel like something is missing - it is! It's amazing that this one change in my job is causing so many adjustment issues. I don't need to wind down at home in preparation to gear up at work. Everything is different, but you know what? I'm not really bothered or upset by it. I see it as opportunityYes, life has a rhythem to it and mine's been thrown, but I'm sure I'll find a way to establish a new rhythem. I've never done much writing in the fall before last year when I participated in NaNo, so this will be carving out a new experience for me. I think I want to keep this up and see where it can go. It's refreshing, and kind of exciting!Well, there are snippits of a little bit of everything going on in my life. I hope you're doing well. Somebody will be back later to update - and since I'm doing short stories, who knows what it will be? A character? A new draft? More in my Sidekicks to Superhereos series? Who knows? You'll have to stay tuned. That's all tonight. Take care.Bye!

I recently got a quote through Twitter that said “it’s not the hand you’re dealt; it’s how you play it.” I believe this is true. After all, we can’t control life. Many things happen that are beyond our control. The secret is; how do you deal with it? This is a topic that hits close to home for me, because I went through two major life changes last year that were the direct result of other peoples’ decisions. I had no say so in them, and the changes were literally rammed down my throat. Yes, I felt victimized. It definitely wasn’t fair, and I resented that other people were making decisions that were affecting my life. But I have come through, and I can honestly say that I feel my life is much better today than it was before the changes. How did I do this? Well, there are a few secrets to playing the hand your dealt and turning a hodgepodge of crap into a winning hand:1. Take advantage of every opportunity, no matter how small. It’s the small things that lead up to the big things, and often it happens in incremental steps. My 2 E-book contracts are the result of an article I read on E-publishing last summer. I’d say that idea went a long way!2. Realize that you have a right to work things for the very best in your life. No, you can’t choose what happens to you, but you can choose whether to remain a victim. When life gets derailed, take some time to analyze the new situation and look for ways you can work things out for good. You often can’t control what people come into your life, but you can determine what kind of relationship you have with them by letting them know what’s good, what’s acceptable, and what’s absolutely intolerable in your life. 3. Accept what you can’t change and change what you can. There are some things you can’t change, but in every situation there are details you can control. I had no control over my job move, but I decided to demonstrate my skills and abilities to my new colleagues right away. As a result, my duties were assigned based on my strengths instead of putting me wherever they needed another body pushing through work – and I’m happier with my job than I’ve ever been.4. Don’t let other people run your life. Yes, there are times when decisions that other people make will affect you, but these times should be the exception and not the rule. That’s a poor way to set your sails and usually leads to ports you never intended to visit, much less live at. Stand up for yourself and make it clear to other people that they will respect you as an individual or they will no longer have a place in your life.5. Reaping and sowing is a real way to turn a losing hand to a winning one. It’s a real concept, folks, and I’ve seen it play out over and over again. What goes around really does come around. If you aren’t a person of faith, consider this: The universe only has a limited amount of energy, and you can only get back what you give. So please, be mindful of your words and actions. Honesty, integrity and hard work will yield fruit. Deceit, deception, and laziness, well, sowing those if fun but reaping them’s a witch. 6. Be thankful for what you have, and take care of it. Because why should God give you more if you gripe and complain about what you have? Do you know when I saw a breakthrough on building our dream home? It was after I finally accepted the home we had and dedicated myself to taking the best possible care of it.7. Realize the Law of Undulation. I absolutely love this concept of the ebb and flow of life that C.S. Lewis presented in The Screwtape Letters. Life really is a series of peaks and valleys, and you’re always at some point in that curve. So if you’re down, don’t fret because you will go back up. If you’re up, stay humble because things will level out. And if you’re in the middle, then praise God because at least you’re moving. The nature of the universe is change, which means that ruts are an illusion. Eventually, something will move.8. Honesty and integrity always win the day. Do the best at all you do, and be honest. Truth has a way of showing itself, and integrity demonstrates character. You may suffer for it periodically, but in the end what’s right always stands while lies and deception dissolve into nothing. In my 13 years in the work force I can say for a fact that people that played politics and stepped on others to move ahead never lasted. They shone for a while, but eventually the favor ran out and the truth showed itself. It all goes back that that annoying “reaping and sowing” thing.9. Don’t let fear be a factor. If the Lord brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it. I don’t care if you’re scared. Find your courage and bring the fire. We have a Savior that defeated the devil, freed the souls from Hades, defeated sin and death, and sits at the right hand of the Father. I think He can handle whatever we face – especially if it’s His will for our lives!10. Don’t be afraid of who you are. Be real. Be authentic. Embrace yourself, rough edges and all. Because when we stand before God, He won’t ask why you weren’t more like other people. He’ll ask why you weren’t yourself and why you didn’t appreciate the blessings He gave you.Life may deal you a bad hand every now and then, but that doesn’t mean you’re doomed to live in defeat. In fact, you should fight defeat. Don’t settle for life trapped in a box or accept bad things for yourself. Stand up, be yourself, and do all you can to make the hand you have a winning one!That's my soapbox speech for today. More later. I hope the rest of the week is great.Bye!

Sherri the Writer

By day, I'm a program assistant. By night, I'm an independent author. My fiction is a dark mirror to the reality I see every day.