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Friday, April 26, 2013

"It's 8:30 a.m., and I am emotionally startled by my alarm sounding across the room to say the least,

even though not one hour has passed that I have not thought of this uneasy day to come.

It is the day I will sadly have to watch my best friend put her daddy to rest."

Nothing hurts quite like thumbing through your wardrobe for something black, something mournful to wear on such a sad day. I realized hours before that I would have to do this, but the actual doing it was harder than the thought. I can't do this, Lord. Not by myself. I begged. I stood in a daze inside my closet with different thought processes of what she must be feeling on this day, they completely filled my imagination, until the sharp coolness of the thin black line of mascara cascading down my left cheek awoke me from my trance. It was time to leave to go to the funeral home, so I grabbed my trusty tube of red lipstick, a small cross to carry in my the palm of my hand and the door handle. The sharp slamming sound of the door behind me startled yet another to hardship to come.

There she was, sitting on a couch with her mama across from her daddy's electric blue casket, a perfect match for his old chevrolet truck he loved so much.In an effort to add a laugh in we both went right to the memory of us driving that old blue truck of his wildly in the field behind her old house, blaring every mixed tape that we had at the time. Pull it together, I tell myself, she needs me to be strong for her, but the tears did not cease to fall. I gave her the best hug I had in me and then I sat down beside her watching the photo slide show she had put together for everyone to look back on. There were many a memories in that photo slide show that I had been apart of, many and almost all that had a laugh behind them and I was so relieved to see that in her on this day, one of the hardest days of her life. She knew her daddy wanted her to be strong and remember all the good times so she picked photo's that would remind her to smile. It was just before eleven, it was time to say our goodbyes so we waited patiently in the funeral home's service room for the family to walk in, we all stood as amber, her aunt along side her holding her up, and her mom walked down the aisle toward the preacher, a good friend of her daddy's. My dear friend was emotionally and physically unable to stand at this point. It was so very hard to watch, to hear the echos of her cries, I prayed his words would comfort her spirit in some way, even though I was sure her sorrow blurred much of her attention at that point. I couldn't believe I was watching her follow her daddy's casket out the side door of the funeral home, I felt so, so helpless.

As I walked alongside one of our other good friends toward the grave site, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful a day it was. The sun was shining just perfectly with just enough wind for comfort. Shouldn't it be raining, I thought? But it must have been a joyful day in Heaven too I thought, God wanted all of us on earth to know her daddy was being taken good care of so he sent down just enough sunshine to express it. I stood there outside the tent watching my friend grieve so hard over her daddy, He left me she cried, He wasn't suppose to ever leave me, but the truth was he hadn't really left her he was just gone for a while now, I wanted her so bad to understand that. She turned toward us, her two best friends, and gave us the look of sadness I will never forget, all I could do was look back at her with unknowing eyes of what she was going through, so I kissed the small cross nestled in between my fingers for her. Before I left her side, I couldn't help but notice the single tear of hers that had fallen onto his beautiful casket. It would forever mark his memory, and I just knew he had to of felt it from where he was now. I hugged her again, but this time I would have to let her go, I left one last word of encouragement with her and told her again, He will always be near you wherever you go. I'm here sweet friend, I'm here always.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

It's 6:15 a.m. on a Thursday morning and I wake up fifteen minutes earlier than usual for work to the most heart wrenching text I have ever received from my best friend, it reads:

"My dad died". "He had a massive heart attack last night, it hurts so bad"

Amber what??!! Can I call you or are you too upset, tell me what to do i'm here sweet friend,

I'm here.

This has to be just a bad dream, I thought. It wasn't.

And this has to be the most saddest post I have ever written, I am heartbroken, my dear friend is living in the bad dream I thought I was potentially having in that hour I awoke. She had written me that text around twelve thirty that night but because I was asleep I didn't receive it until a little later. This nightmare of reality was all the sudden happening to my best friend, my soul sister, we were conjoined to the heart at our very entrance to this world and it is tearing me apart seeing her go through all of this pain. We grew up together all our lives from since I can remember. We did donuts in the field behind her old house on the fourwheeler, we cried over each others numerous animals that passed away, we made up stoopid skits with our recording cassette player because we had nothing better to do than be silly, talked each other through our first menstrual cycles, pushed each other through high school then soon college and always found something crazy to do that would make us pee all over ourselves. And she was essential to my wedding day, she was there. We have always been each others barrier, I would help her through anything and so would she, but I never imagined I would have to help her get through something like this. I could have never prepared myself to either. She was miles away from me that Thursday morning and my arms just couldn't reach that far, I would not rest until she was home, home where I could take care of her. Her daddy was like a second dad to me, and I can remember him telling us two to always take care of each other and that is exactly what I'm going to do.

Today was the day I would see her for the first time in months, I never planned to see her like this, but this life isn't much of a plan is it? I tried my best to prepare myself for the worst, prayed to God on the drive to her house for the right words to say that would comfort her the most, seems like I prayed the whole drive over there, it's amazing that my Jeep made it there in one piece because my eyes weren't fixed on the yellow lines dividing each half of the road at all. She needs me Lord, help me do your will, help me help her somehow Lord.

I finally made it to her house, I spot her daddys white z71 truck she had to painfully drive 8 hours back alone in just hours before, just before I grasp the door handle to get out and it hits me like a rock thrown in a window. My heart is just before beating right out of my chest when I see her coming towards me and there came the tears.

I reach out to hold her but she's weightless, her body so frail from so much stress and confusion, she's weak, she hasn't eaten in three days, sick with a horrible cough from standing in the pouring rain without a care if lightning struck her at that moment, drowning in tears after finding out the news of her daddys passing, it was all I could do to hold her up. So I tell her, we've got to get some food in your stomach, we've got to take care of you too. She agrees to it finally without a fuss, I take her to get some mashed potatoes because she thinks it's the best food she can hold down. Afterwards I make a quick trip to a local drugstore where I pick up several cans of chicken noodle soup, saltine crackers, a bottle of Sprite along with a bottle of NyQuil for her cold. My arms are full once I reach the register but my heart is even fuller. I'm spilling over the rim emotionally for her. But at the same time, I look across from me as I pull out the parking lot and she is being so strong. She has it all figured out. She knows her fathers wishes and she plans to carry them out. Sadly enough, she has so many people holding knives to her back, yet she has the armor of a warrior on her chest. She is inspiring even in such a situation and I am so proud of her, her daddy would be too.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I have been dying to share this little treasure with ya'll for weeks now, but it took a few weeks to get the husby interested in revamping this little diamond in the ruff. If you haven't noticed, it's an old bottom to an antique sewing machine table. It had actually been lying near the woods of my parents house, belonged to my great grandmother at that, i've always known it was there but up until recently I began eyeballing it! And what I saw was a perfect little country table sitting between our two rocking chairs on the front porch with a potted plant nested on it and maybe an old metal pitcher for good looks. Garrett did his best to talk me out of bringing it home, as you can see by the first picture it doesn't give a good first impression, but after I hit that dude with a little spray paint he began to see what I saw: a masterpiece! And I'm so glad he did, because he doesn't know how much it means to me that he helped me fix it back up! (Sentimentalist, remember?) We are pretty proud of how it came out! So... what do you think?!

After finishing such a project we got inspired to tackle a few necessities: yard work! I have been buying flowers like crazy along with every spring crazed human being like myself.. needless to say, winter hung around a little too long this year so I just couldn't wait to bring some color into our world! The swing on our back porch looked a little dull so I decided to plant some flowers in it! It turned out to be just what I had imagined- another project I am proud of as well!

Friday, April 5, 2013

I realize I'm a little late getting this post out (nothing new, I know) but I've just snatched a minute up for myself to do it, I apologize friends. I'm really going to try to do better at this, I promise. We had such an amazing Easter and I hope you all did as well! This year just really tugged on my heart snappers, being newlywed and all, it was such a sweet and beautiful time for Garrett and I because we were able worship and remember what Christ did for us, all of us, as a married couple, it truly made the bond even closer. We enjoyed a well spoken sunrise sermon and after that we enjoyed a little down time with each of our families.I know we'll both look back on this Easter years from now and smile, we are so blessed to be here and to have each other, because without Him we wouldn't be at all.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life." For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world should be saved through Him."