Tuesday, June 9, 2009

The Ballad of the Garment Bag....

The Garment Bag and Hat have been found! There was never any doubt that they WOULD be, I went after them, and I am not accustomed to failure, and when a Personal Assistant gets, let's call it "Mad", you really don't want to be in the way. Do as you are told. It will go much better for you.

I went down to the airport in Minneapolis, having got a tip from a supervisor at Northwest that one could get much further in person than on the phone. There in the deepest depths of the airport at a small dark counter I met with two agents, one from Northwest and one from Delta. (the merger so far, apparently)

It went a little something like this...

ME: I have a Wee Problem and one hears from Sources that YOU are the only people with real Power, the one's who Make Things Happen, and hold the Wisdom of the Ancients and the Airlines in your hands....

NW Agent: Northwest or Delta?

ME: Delta. Dodged that bullet didn't you? Well listen in, it won't be dull. This is a drama of Epic proportions! Being played out on Twitter as we speak!

NW Agent: What's Twitter?

DEL Agent: I know about Twitter. How many Followers? (Head in hands)

ME: Half a million! Poised like Raptors on the Ramparts in Readiness for my signal, ready to swoop down upon you!

DEL Agent: WIll they Smite me?

ME: Yes, if you fail. You will die a horrible death at their hands. But look at it this way, if you find the thing, you will be a hero and live on remembered and in glory for all of your days!

DEL Agent: Not sure I can handle that kind of fame.

ME: No worries, I'll hook you up with your own agent. Now, about this Bag and Hat....

And so we got to work. This involved a lot of first figuring out where the plane flew (Only between Chicago and NY apparently) then some Agent to Agent cell phone calls, some debating on possible scenarios, and finally some Secret Knowledge that I have promised never to reveal, on pain of death and some return Smiting. We didn't FIND the Bag and Hat, but we did have a Plan.

I went home with the Plan in Place.

It was nearly Midnight when I rang two of my Darkest Minions, one in Chicago and one in New York, and gave them specific instructions. (ok, so I had a LOT of e-mail to catch up on, and they maybe weren't Dark Minions but Maure who helps out in Chicago and AFP's amazing Assistant, Beth)

Got it in one. Maure found the Bag and Hat at the Chicago Airport. They had been taken off the plane at some point and left at the gate, and the calls yesterday, followed by Maure showing up in person, had got someone down there thinking.

The point of this, and I do THINK I have one, and the secret of the success, was simply this: Show up in person. And then BE the one person in a hundred who makes them laugh, who asks for their help, who thanks them, offers to bring them coffee and appreciates what they are doing. (And they DO have power. Of a sort. At least where Bags are concerned) 99 out 100 people, and trust me when tell you I saw this for three hours yesterday, are going to whine, bitch, moan and threaten. And get no where.

On behalf of my dear mum, a former baggage agent for the long-since-dead Eastern Airlines, thank you for being witty and polite. You're absolutely correct that most people aren't, given the same situation.

Your strength and wisdom know no end. You know, people working in big organizations are probably so used to being told "You can't do that. Someone else does that." that it must have been a shot in the arm to have you telling them "I know you can do this."

Looks like you and Maure had the right plan in place. The words 'please', and 'hank you', and being polite and cheerful really goes a long long way. Even if you're really upset, and you've been horribly wronged, sometimes just politeness can get you 100 steps closer to getting them to right their wrong. congrats on winning this battle :) And perhaps for making a few new airline friends in the process. They could come in handy again down the road :)

They could tell you have Awesome Powers, and were pleased to do your bidding.

And after working retail manglement back in the old days when I was in college, I'm a huge fan of polite and knowing what you want. I can't tell you the number of people I dealt with who, when I asked them "Okay, what can I do to fix this issue" had no answer at all, they were just too busy being mad.

Speaking of airports, it seems as though suddenly the headlines - and fillers - and editorials - about the Air France crash are leaping out at me from the pages of the newspapers (we get three!), seeing as I haven't been on a plane in eleven years.

The rockstar comes through again. Hope the tiara is being donned today.

I worked at a bank through college. People would get mad at me when they bounced checks. Like i withdrew the money from their account. It would take them down a few pegs when I'd asked if they'd balanced their checkbook lately. The answer was always no.

Sugar, not vinegar...yup. that's the one.

I can't wait to go to my dad's cabin next week. I will be offline for a few days (mon night - thurs night) because there is no internet, cell, or electricity. But propane lights and stove and fridge. All the amenities I need to recover my brain including grandparents to take ben out on excursions while i read in a hammock.

Lovely and very needed. Hubby got back from Dublin which is great but he's so buried with work that he doesn't have the time or energy to take ben out of my hair (sometimes literally). Decompression time.

Then i get back and fly to the inlaws and then up to Fiendom come....june will rock starting very soon.

We had teh BLTs for dinner tonight. Mmmm. Only problem: house smells like bacon and kosher-eating offspring due home tonight (she lurves the bacon and tries hard to resist.) And it's too hot to open the windows... almost 90F at 9 pm. Maybe for a few minutes, just to be a nice mom...

Anyhow, I agree with the nice thing. I, too, worked in banks and got yelled at many times by people who had bounced checks. The worst part was when I had to help them balance their accounts.

I bet Nick won't notice hair until you give up and draw his attn to it. That's how my more testosterone filled half is. "Your hair is 6 inches shorter? Oh!"

First of all, Lorraine, congratulations and props and kudos for finding Boss's bag. This story and your story a couple of months ago about how to deal with airlines are important stories for us all and I suspect will come in handy sometime.

And the point is well taken, by both Lorriane and the airline people here, that you can catch more flies with honey etc., and that opening with a sunny disposition and a pleasant attitude is the best way of opening. And of course, you're right.

However, I'd like to make the counterpoint that sometimes, the reason that you're having to talk to the only people in the building that can actually do something for you is because the last seven airline employees crapped on you because apparently you're idiot for being on a flight that got weather delayed and thus are impinging on their work time.

I won't tell the whole story of my last flight, a horrific transfer through Philadelphia on US air, but the relevant points are:- 300 or so passengers- 4 hour weather/traffic delay- airline employees completely surprised by this many people needing transfer processing- airline employees yelling at passengers in the wrong line (both were unmarked)- two agents doing transfers (they were terrific)- four to six other airline employees sitting around watching- not a single, solitary person anywhere who took the initiave to organize the lines or announce anything to anyone

So yes, when approaching an airline agent, it's helpful for the passenger to be cheery and upbeat and helpful. But after several people wearing that same uniform have treated you like dirt or worse, it's hard to muster the cheeriness to deal with that airline person in a fresh, optimistic manner.

I had such a fun time playing my little role in this game! I credit my unstoppably sirenic red lipstick and Lorraine's measured coaching the night before for the win. The service rep on my end was extremely competent and efficient too, which was no small help. I love putting on the Girl Friday hat.

About this hat...I thought Boss blogged that he really didn't suit hats and after Terry Pratchett took one off him and made him promise to never wear one again, he didn't. Much. Or does he? - I seem to remember seeing him in one in a random photo somewhere and it was quite fetching. Have I dreamt this weird Pratchett Hat Banishment scenario?

Mary, I don't know about the Pratchett Scenario, but Boss was photographed wearing a hat when he was in China last year, and on horseback.

YES! Not that we ever doubted you would find a way to recover Boss' bag and hat, Ms. Fabulous. It's just nice to know that it has happened sooner rather than later. Who needs mere minions when you have Fiends! The multiplier for calling on other PAs to help is awesome, too. :)

Phiala, did Nick notice your lovely hair before drifting off to sleep?

I actually have more mangoes just now than even I can eat. No. Not kidding. I have a LOT right now. And I am loving it.

Kind of all in a day's work, OF COURSE you work miracles , if you don't yr in the wrong job.

This one was cool tho.

Exception to In Person Rule: If your flight is cancelled due to weather, or any reason, DO NOT stand in the Crazed line. Go to the coffee shop, or even better, pub, and CALL and they can re-book you on the phone twice as fast. And the person will not be dealing with 300 irate people.

Maure rocks. And would make a GREAT PA. I adore her.

Mistress, I like your hair, tho I never saw the old hair.

Boss wears one hat and looks great in it. A gift from his girfriend, which was why it made me so happy to get it back.

Oh Goddess of Young Children, thank you for giving me the strength to not kill my kid for another day (and no i wouldn't actually kill or hurt my child!). Thank you for having him want to snuggle in bed even after I took away all his bedtime stories for various offenses, spitting being the primary one.

Welcome elfgirl, lomara, karmalingoist3, Xjaeva, Pockafwye, kingdokk, Desar, and delightfully mediocre! More Fiends means more buckled jackets being worn. We have many on hand, so find one for yourself and personalize it. :)

Hi, Anastasia! Welcome to the wonderful world of Fiendom! Look around and you'll find a nice jacket with lots of buckles just for you that you can personalize with the supplies found on the table in the corner. :)

1. lose 20 lbs.2. get fabulous pedicure3. find out what the weather is4. polish those credit cards to a high gloss5. do laundry6. get spouse birthday present because it's on the 28th7. quintuple-bag that quart of vanilla extract

My kitties tend to vocalize with their mouths closed - very sweet trills and chirps. Binky is brilling all over and killing the heck out of some colorful mousies. I think she batted the last one under the TV cabinet. Time to dig them out...

Watching me dig their mice out from under furniture thrills the daylights out of them. It's their favorite spectator sport.

I once lived a summer in a house with a screened-in porch. Sitting in the Out without bugs was the best, for eating breakfast, having dinner, reading, petting cats or dog -- pretty much any time. Too bright too early for me to sleep out there, though.

Am so happy that Magic is having a great time with the porch. He must feel safer having more space to retreat into in case he is attacked (poor insecure kitty). All the jumping around will do him good.I want to see pictures! (and I want to come and take some! I was looking at Venus and Mim's pictures I took last year and they were so cute. Mim such a tiny vivacious thing!)

So, as a new fiend here, now that I'm graduated and can have my blog-reading life back, what is this Fiendom Come y'all are talking about? Obviously people want to come to Minneapolis, because we're super awesome and stuff, but what's the special event you're all coming out for?

So this is Jen T.... I have posted a few times, back when I saw your purple hair for the first time, and recently again regarding the curious incident of the wandering garment bag! I made a blogger account to facilitate fiendish bonding!

Q, I love the dialogue, especially the smiting and the offer of an agent to help the Delta rep. with the unexpected fame!

So happy that you have once again worked miracles!

And the news of Magic bouncing in and out of his sreamed porch is fantastic!

Guess what - in exactly 2 week from (checks watch) NOW I dhall be hyperventilating in a queue for security at Heathrow Airport, en route for Fienddom Come. Do you think I should buy a suitcase at some point? I'm not 100% sure that my itty bitty carryon will suffice for 2 weeks of fiendish fun.

I must start making lists. (nodding seriously) Yup. Can't go only holiday without a good list.

mine is not as good as Fluffys, but so far goes:

* become tall, skinny & devastatingly beutiful & witty* give key of house to nice lady who is going to cat-sit* Passport & tickets and piece of paper saying I am probably not a terrorist and you should definitely let me into your country provided I promise not to break it or reclaim it as a colony of the crown.* give key of house to nice lady who is going to cat-sit* remember books and stamps for other fiends*maybe some clothes and a toothbrush.* absolutely do not forget to give key of house to nice ladyu who is cat-sitting, and perform pre-emptive penance in relation to abandoning cat to mercies of stranger who will assuredly starve him and subject him to all sorts of indignities, like always happened when I am cruel enough to leave him with only tons of food and a replacement minion for company.

(PS - Emily, I am convinved that just after a 'plane is lost is absolutely the safest time to fly!)

Cesare is (internally) grumbling about me abandoning him but he knows he will be better at home with the cats than dragged into this. I suppose I shall have to do some type of penance as well (but just trying to keep that smile off my face is going to be a real challenge).

Flying on an Airbus 330 too! I bet all airline companies are scrambling frantically right now to check their speed control systems...

So glad you're able to come, Nathalie! When will you arrive, and how long shall you stay? (enquiring minds want to know..)

HellZiggy - the special event is that lots of us will be in the same place at the same time;-) (w/e of 26-28th June) And getting to see Our Queen Empress ROCK in person, at Charlies, on (I believe) Fri & Sat nights

Thanks for your throwback about my whine about standing in airline lines.

When you posted your advice for dealing with airlines a couple of months ago, I thought back to that trip in December standing in the 2-HOUR-LINE-OF-DOOM.

I'd always noticed when a flight got cancelled at the gate, that executive successful-looking types never stood in those lines. I later noticed that whenever a "your flight is cancelled please proceed to X for rebooking" those sorts of people would scatter. I had assumed they were calling their travel agent/personal assistant/secretary to take care of it. Your "airline customer service howto" post revealed they were probably just calling the airline separately, which is advice that I will take very careful notice of in the future.

Since the end of that particular transaction was to end up at a hotel overnight, I don't know that in that particular case it would have helped, but that is advice that I will keep close at hand (along with the airline's phone number) in the future.

"neilhimself: Now owns a hat. Nothing good can come of this.4:41 AM Jan 9th from web "

Clearly, he was prophesying the Saga of the Garment Bag and Hat. (prophecies are so much easier to understand after the event, don't you think?)

I don't know whether it was the same hat. Isuspect hats may be a little like other hard drugs, you think you can just try one, but before you know it you are in a spiralling desecent of hat-dependency, and suffer withdrawal syptoms when deprived of hats..

I too, was never a hat person. Was never interested; except to keep my ears warm in Illinois or Minnesota winters, but that's different.

And then I went to the big Oshkosh airshow in 2004. Normally the most time I spend out of doors is mowing the lawn. At Oshkosh, I was anticipating being outside 10 hours a day for at least four days, in the sun.

So although I'm generally a member of the no-hat club, I am very definitely a member of the less-and-less-hair club, so for many days of full sun, a hat was required. I bought a nice Tilley hat, and that is my only non-freezing-temperatures hat.

Getting mad at the situation is fine. Getting mad at the people who are trying to help you through the situation... now where the heck do you think that will get you?

Also, trying not to think of to do lists, as being parent to a toddler means a scary long list of things like "remember to eat something" and "you know you want to unpack, but let's be realistic here". *sigh*

Emily - is Benjamin only interested in papers the US or from places he/family have been, or is it local papes generally.

(I was reading their local paper when I was at my parent's house recently. They live out in the country. 2 of the main stories were (1) the local bishop is visiting several local churches amd (2) the fire brigade were called out to a fire in someone's tumble dyer. The fire was contained in the tumble dryer and no-one was hurt. They also had a full page spread of lost and found cats and other pets...)

Ten years in retail has taught me that being nice will get you almost anywhere. Funny helps too, but being nice is the key. I've had *numerous* encounters in airports that could a) have cost me a great deal of money and b) told to piss off, but because I was NICE, I got what I needed. And this is true anywhere that you need to make a complicated or difficult request.

My world-traveling hubby would agree with you 100%. He occasionally has bags go missing. Manners will get you everywhere, as will humor. I sat amidst the whiners while he performed the magic retrieval, one time.

Q- I tend to follow that policy in everything I do. And when I forget life reminds me. Like today when I went to get my oil changed. There was a woman there bitching and moaning at how long things were taking. And even when the nice employees offered some of their food, she just bitched about entitlement to it for having to wait so long. I often wonder if people that behave that way think that the people they are bitching at or about can then bend space and time just because they were nasty. Anyway, I made sure to smile and thank everyone. Life's just better when we're all nice to each other.

I work in customer service. Being nice to the person assisting you makes that customer service person 100% more motivated to help you. I learned that from my dad a long time ago and it is a time tested truth.

There may a an uber-moral here, too, related to make 'em smile: make it easy. Although putting a name tag on a hat may seem a bit over-egging, but the easier it is to notify the owner, the more likely someone will say "Rather than just put this hat and coat behind the counter, I'll pick up a phone and then put them behind the counter".

I've had airport station managers call me to return stuff... 'cos it was easy and who doesn't like a happy customer on the line?

Can i ask nicely of one of the knitters for some lessons? i've taught myself, but i think i may have taught myself wrong. my nana tried to teach me when i was little but i wasn't interested. now i'd like to learn so i have some connection with her. i think part of my problem is i fall in love with weird yarns that are difficult to knit with. can someone steer me in the right direction so i can purchase and bring the right things, or i can buy dinner and drinks, whatever is easiest.

Oooooh! I need to re-learn how to cast on. I will bring my humongous needles and some yarns. I get everything else about the basics from the interwebs, but the casting-on I can't decipher. I want to make some of those quick scarves with the flurfy yarns.

The other thing to remember about flying is that you need a frequent-flyer account, even if you don't think you'll rack up enough miles to get tickets. BECAUSE, the FF toll-free number has much more helpful people and less waiting - that's who all those executive-types are calling.

You can also get, on your cellphone, automatic updates on gate and departure/arrival information from some airlines. That kept us from waiting at the airport for the daughter last night from 9:30 pm to 2:00 am because of the bad weather in D.C. The really funny thing about this is that a pilot friend heard Dennis talk about how he uses this. He was stuck waiting for info on his departure with a plane full of people, and tried the cellphone-thingy and IT told him what the tower hadn't even conveyed yet. He couldn't believe it.

Hi Siri - I'm flying. The train cost almost as much as airfare and arrived and departed at inconvenient times. And I'm not a confident enough driver to rent a car. I'm supposed to get into MSP around 9:15 a.m., but figured I'd wait there till there are enough fiends to make up a trip.

Hahah! THAT, Lorraine, is brilliant bag-and-hat finding skills. When I was working in a post-shop I only wish people had the decency (and intelligence) to not get mad about things. Terrifying the poor person behind the counter never helps. In fact, it makes things so much worse.

on a completely random note: what do I pack for a trip to SF? how warm/cold is it? Should I go shopping once there? Will I have time? How much do I bring? It's been three years since I've been on a two-week trip anywhere. I've forgotten all the protocols. Halp.

Hurrah for fixed computerage, hero worship for Dr. Wicked, and just unreal (in a good way) that there were 3 week left on the warranty. How often does that happen?

Ah my fiends, the bank/seller of my new place cannot seem to bestir themselves into sending the deed packet out, and no closing can be (re)scheduled without it.I am trying to find out WHAT bank it is, and if there is a local office I will go do the live-and-in-person thing myself. I have to work my way through the protective layers or realtors first.

Best of luck, Beez. You would think they would be anxious to finish the process as well.

Looking forward to seeing the new-new hair, Lorraine. In return, I promise to post pictures of the new glasses, when they finally arrive. It won't be as interesting as purple hair, but... baby steps...

Whee! 5 inches of rain so far today, and more storms are here! Yard is looking lake-ish in areas, but at least we got the critical gutter cleared so the water doesn't flood the courtyard any more. Well, as much, anyway.

Yay for returning to riding! Hope you have a wonderful ride, Ms. Fabulous. Did you get my box of silliness? ;)

Toni and Nathalie will be at Fiendom Come, too! W00T!! Stillwater will never be the same.

Hope, it's taken me two days to remember, but I've had very good results baking with Splenda.

Watched a beautiful lightning show last night to the south of the drive-in we were at. Even caught some of it on my phone set to camcorder. DH even caught a still photo of some of the lightning on his phone. :)

Okay, it is Toto, but you have to admit the thunderstorm bit at the beginning is dead clever. Come on! You do. You can't help yourselves. You can't. You're all secretly groovin' in your chairs. Possibly even singing along like me.

Hurrah for repurpled hairs! And computers with total backup. And accidental shoes. All good things.

Yay, Magic and fun hopping! Love that he can feel outside-ish and has a place to peek and spy from.

My earlier comment was eaten, wherein I agreed with the being nice and funny way of approaching cust serv people (I used to be one and would go over the river and through the woods to make good things happen for funny, nice people.)

k fiends, be careful there is a virus going around that is spamming your friends with bad links. be careful what you click. mine were coming in as direct messages copied to about 20 people at a time with bad spelling in the subject.

FYI

i have consistent bad spelling, but i'm not sending any links in direct message.

Oh, my. Everyone's bad. Oh. Well, good luck. I have one that gave me serious pause when she was two. I was chewing her out for doing something I had to clean/fix/whatever and was telling her I didn't appreciate the extra work because she knew better, etc., and she put her hands on her hips, looked me in the eye and said, "But what about widdle Wevelle?" Oooh, I thought. Logical thinking. Trouble ahead.

Oh, my sister-in-law gave me a quart of organic Mexican vanilla extract, and since she threatened to send more (her eldest works on cruise ships) I decided to spread the love. Anyone who brings a bottle to Fiendom Come can have some. I'm bringing a funnel.