Bring the sports bar experience home with The Man Wall ($14,900). This all-in-one chunk of awesomeness features room for four TVs — one 52" and two 26" units are included — a 1200-watt Panasonic home theater with integrated speakers and wireless surround units, two 25-cigar humidors with gauges, a 32-bottle wine rack, a microwave, a live 7-foot sports ticker at the top with built-in computer, a full-size kegerator with tap, an iPod docking station, DVD player, and the ability to control it all via a single remote control. Feel free to grunt in approval.

Forget the traditional sappy greeting card — say what you really want to say with The F*cking Card Collection ($25/10 cards). Featuring such heartwarming messages as Happy F*cking Birthday, Happy F*cking Holidays, Thanks A F*cking Bunch, and Congratuf*ckinglations, the recipient is sure to like them — a whole f*cking lot.

You know you're dealing with a dangerous toy when you see the words, "world's most powerful handheld laser." The Spyder II GX Laser ($1,700) is a military-grade handheld laser that's sort of a like a laser pointer, only much, much awesomer. Sporting a lightweight 6061-T6 aerospace aluminum shell and powered by a single 18650 high capacity lithium battery, the Spyder is airtight and water resistant, and is the first portable laser equipped with thermoelectric cooling, letting you use the thing for more than two minutes without it getting hand-burning hot. So what's it good for? If you have to ask, then you shouldn't be buying it, kid. As you'll see in our first-ever Uncrate video, this thing was designed for those of us who aspire to wreak havoc on the world.

Corkcicle introduces the Waterman series to its hydration line, which takes its already best in class triple insulated cup to another level with the addition of a super durable powder coated finish. This coolest cup ever is crafted from 2 layers of stainless steel with a vacuum seal and is the only insulated Tumbler with a proprietary third layer of insulation that further improves how long its keeps your drinks hot or cold. With easy-grip sides, a no-slip bottom, and shatterproof, drink-thru lid, the Waterman edition offers you best-in-class sipping for your wildest adventures.

Coders, managers, illustrators — whatever your job, odds are you've had to deal with a whiteboard before. Now you can carry one with you with the Wipebook Pro. This full-sized notebook holds 20 8.5" x 11" writeable pages that work just like a normal whiteboard, letting you write, erase, and re-write countless times. Brass binding lets it lay flat, cow-friendly faux leather front and rear covers help when it's time to digitize a page, and unlike the board at work, you can take it home without ever having to worry about an overzealous janitor "cleaning" away your valuable notes.

Clean your car, stairs, and other hard-to-reach areas with the Eureka 71B Handheld Vacuum ($48). This 5.5 amp mini-vac features two motors — one for suction, one for the revolving brush — an onboard extending hose with crevice tool, a 20-foot cord which wraps for storage, and a Riser Visor cover that stays down for normal cleaning but flips up for vertical surfaces like stair fronts. It's the perfect complement to your full-size vacuum.

Designed by renowned design house RKS, the Neuma Hybrid Tattoo Machine ($400) might be the first to look as good as the body art it's used to create. Made from anodized aircraft aluminum, stainless steel, and other plastics and rubber, the Neuma Hybrid features optimized air flow for better torque and higher speeds, variable stroke length, a variable cushioning armature, a stunning design, and more, all adding up to a less painful, quicker-healing tattoo.