This is a discussion on You know an ENFP LOVES you when... within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by NaughyChimp
pinkrasputin - How does your ISTP know that you love him? What does he actually say ...

pinkrasputin - How does your ISTP know that you love him? What does he actually say that you do/ how you behave that lets him know you're in love with him?
Mostly actions.

My guy and I are barely going into the 6 month of our relationship. We haven't actually said the "L" word yet, and I don't intend to for a while. Not because I don't love him, but because I think it can make people lazy in relationships. And I know for both of us, our dominant love language is "physical touch" .

However, even though we have been a short time together our reality with an impending deployment didn't really allow for a lengthy honeymoon phase. We had to "get real" really quick. My guy better know I love him- he knows I was willing to wait one year for him while he was in Kuwait. And in preparation, we both read books together like "Divided By Duty, United In Love", etc. He knows what I would have sacrificed for him, because I found so much gain in being with him. At the very least, my guy knows I'm 100% committed and I trust him completely. I know he is the same because we've spoken about it and show it to each other in our actions everyday. Our type of relationship takes of TON of trust and fortunately we have that. I need to mention that military relationships, especially army ones, are not for the faint of heart AT ALL. But neither is dating an actress.

Although, I have a second love language=verbal communication, my guy sort of sucks at it. Lol. But what he expresses to me physically, is the most incredible poetry I've ever experienced and it has brought me to tears on a few occasions. He has busted open my soul. He has said things like "Babe, I will accept you no matter what you look like." And after ironing out a conflict he usually reassures me "Babe, we're working on it. These things just take time. We are getting there." Oh yeah, and whenever I present him with a need or present him with a complaint, he has this cute response which is "I'm tracking." Which means: I understand, I'm listening, and I will make sure to adjust my behavior. Haha. He is so robot military ST.

And I finally realized his second love language=gifts. He came over and brought my daughter and I the most amazing gifts for Christmas. I honestly don't think I've ever met a man that could give so appropriately. (With the exception of my daddy ) But really, my ISTP just knocks one out of the ballpark with what he gives. He's a very generous man and my daughter and I are both so touched. In my house, we are surrounded by his gifts. What he gives in gifts is very personal. And he really downplays the actually giving of the gift-he is very humble about it. He also cooks for me a TON.

The other way my guy shows love, is that he always forgives me and shows me he is always willing to change if I request a need. My guy doesn't request much, but he also knows I have forgiven him. Forgiveness is huge with us. If we didn't have a ton of it, we wouldn't have made it a week.

Physical expression, gifts, commitment, the willingness to learn (he likes that I study everything military and go on forums), forgiveness, and a butt load of patience are just a few of the ways we show love/commitment to each other. Our quality time is also precious, but due distance and the freaking military throwing my guy everywhere, that can be a very hard thing to fight for on both of our parts.

I also think we are both very good at encouraging and supporting each other's individual pursuits. My guy knows I'm 100% percent behind him in all that he does because I tell I am all the time. We both text or say "I miss you" to each other often. (And that is usually harder for me to express to someone than "I love you", btw.)

Oh yeah, and my ISTP will text and call me, and not because he likes doing it. He does it only because he knows I need him to. Do you know how freaking RARE phone calling and texting is for an ISTP? Lol. If that doesn't say LOVE, I don't know what does. Hahaha. Poor guy.

@niss - What does SWMBO do that specifically tells you in words or actions that she truly, deeply loves you?

That's actually a much more difficult question than it appears on the surface. BTW, she's SWMBO, not Mrs. Niss. ;)

The problem with nailing this down is inherent in the ENFP personality type. ENFPs have this antenna that is always up, picking up signals from everyone in the vicinity, which allows them to read other's feelings in a manner that is so accurate that it is scary. Couple this with their adaptability and you have a person that reads how others are feeling and reacts in a way to try to meet whatever need is perceived. SWMBO has this down to a fine art form and knows how to help, comfort, cajole, threaten, love, cry, touch, serve, etc., whoever she meets - and "meet" here is loosely defined as catch her attention, even if it is across the room.

As an aside, she recently took a teaching position at a school where the principal is an ENTP. They are both heavy Ne users and she described the initial meetings as "wary." They both sensed that they could read each other and it influenced their behavior as they attempted to be sure that they were only revealing what they wanted revealed. Kindof like a Star Trek episode where shields are up. I would have loved to seen that interaction.

Back on topic - Since she is so good at reading and doing what is appropriate, she is chameleon like in that she will become whatever she needs to be in whatever situation she finds herself - even if it is something that she doesn't particularly like to do. Since my love language is touch, she will adapt to that, even though it is her least favored method of showing love. (Touch is my love language for my SO (preferred) and very close family & friends (tolerated) only - similar to other ISTJs, touch by anyone else is strictly taboo. For these people, it is quality time.)

As our relationship has progressed, I have learned that she loves me not by what she does or says, but by what she reveals to me. The ENFP person has a beautiful and wonderful inner room that has no windows and no doors. There is no way into this room except to be transported there magically by the ENFP. This inner sanctuary is a sacred place and you can only enter if the ENFP feels that they can completely trust you to embrace them as who they are and to put aside all negative thoughts and criticisms. If you get to this place, you will find a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and mystical creatures - a place where unicorns and fairies play without fear. A wonderful place, glimpsed by a few, but entered by only the ENFP and maybe one or two others in the ENFPs lifetime.

@pinkrasputin - I've witnessed how hard you've worked at truly understanding your honey and his point of view and thank you for translating his ISTP-ness into ENFP language.

We ENFPs can be insightful but I believe it's invaluable to read other Types' point of views about us and the way we behave. We can learn much from those generous enough to explain their feelings and thought processes to us. I'd welcome hearing from anyone else of another Type who has been loved by an ENFP!

I would imagine that those loved by an ENFP go through a serious of stages. First: elation since ENFPs can be deeply affectionate, attentive and expressive. Second: disappointment and confusion as one notices that the ENFP can be a bit changeable and also cares about so many others... leading to question how true the love really can be. Third: understanding and delight as one comes to see that while the ENFP is attuned to the well-being of many, there is a special, primary spot held in the heart for the beloved that no one else can fill.

Hmm...I've never been in LOVE love but I did love my last boyfriend (if that makes any sense). I knew even then that he wasn't "The One" but that didn't keep me from loving him. So here's my take on what I do when I love someone:

1.) I click with you. This may be more my thing than something you see but when I'm in love I just "click" with the other person. It's weird but wonderful. It's like our souls merge. I know that sounds creepy and, honestly, I can "click" with many people not just people I love. But when in terms of dating then it's different. It's like you've known me my whole life even though we may have only just started dating a year ago. Again, this may be just something I feel but maybe other people can see this?

2.) My eyes get shiny. My eyes get REALLY shiny when I'm in love. I have no idea what that's about. My friends have said when I'm in love, my eyes literally "Light up." And I can feel them do it. They get bigger and softer and shinier. Most of the time I only have eyes for that person. It's like everything else in the room just fades away. I can't focus or think unless it's about them. I'm sure I look like a complete loon the whole time I'm doing this.

3.) I talk about you...a LOT. Because I'm an ENFP and such a vocal little creature I seem to talk about my obsessions and expect everyone else to be as obsessed with it as I am...which is almost never the case. Nevertheless I still rant and rave about my latest passion. That also includes the person I'm in love with. So if you have people coming up to you, especially her friends or family, and they say "She talks about you all the time," or "She's told us a lot about you," just know that's code for "She rambles incessantly about you PLEASE MAKE IT STOP." They're getting the details on everything you do. This includes small things like what you wear everyday to how you laugh. Don't freak--it's just loving admiration on our part.

4.) I'm quiet around you. My personal favorite thing to do with someone I love is just to sit and not say anything. I do it because I don't feel like I have to say anything. I enjoy just "being." I'm being with you, you're being with me, and we are being one with the world. No need for anything else.

5.) I'm opening up. If I drop a bomb on you PLEASE don't run away. This is our way of letting you into the deepest parts of us. WE TRUST YOU. Don't blow it by freaking out and running. This kind of thing can happen at any time of the relationship. Some ENFPs like to drop there bombs early, some are stupid enough to drop them early, but most tend to keep their internal warfare to themselves until we feel you can handle it. And also, DON'T BE AFRAID TO OFFER ADVICE OR SUPPORT. If we're opening up to you about such a dark subject then usually that means we haven't told it to other people. And if the ENFP is like me then they've been dealing with it for years. So feel free to offer your sound advice and support because more than likely we haven't had any concerning this particular thing.

6.) We take you to meet our friends/family/church/etc. If an ENFP is in love then they need to judge how you fit into their world. If you fit then great. If you don't then the ENFP will either reconsider the relationship OR we'll try to find ways in which the relationship can still work. We'll watch how you react to our world and how our world reacts with you. If you get invited to the ENFP's house or church and your nervous well don't worry--WE'RE MORE NERVOUS THAN YOU ARE. I personally would get so anxious that I would want to cry because my boyfriend at the time would be coming over to my house. So you're in good company if you've got the jitters. So my suggestion regarding this is take a few minutes of alone time with the ENFP sometime during the event. Go out to the backyard by yourselves, meet in the back of church, drive to the location with just you and the ENFP, etc. This will get things back to "normal" between you two, and help you both calm your nerves. It also gives the ENFP time to express their anxiety (or defuse it) so things can go better.

7.) We argue with you. This last one seems weird but it makes sense. ENFPs are people people. We need harmony and balance. Many times to do this we have to put down our own opinions to uplift everyone else's. So if we're arguing with you about something, know this--only people we trust and love get to see us like this. Essentially you are seeing us--our opinions, our views. So please don't freak or get overly mad when we do argue with you. Just know that you're one of probably 5 people who have EVER seen us like this. Be honored.

This may just be me, but when I like someone, I get very shy. I'm very scared of rejection, mostly because of past issues.
However, when I also get really hyper when I think about them. Last night I went on a date with a guy I really like, I was so hyper I couldn't calm down, but I couldn't do anything or else I'd wake up everyone in my house, haha.

This may just be me, but when I like someone, I get very shy. I'm very scared of rejection, mostly because of past issues.

Yup, I know that feeling, but I tend to go shy without getting quiet. If I go shy AND quiet in front of somebody it usually means I don't like them at all.

When I'm attracted to somebody I tend to be my usual talkative silly self, peacock around them a bit, look for that all important eye contact and try to have short (2-3 minute) conversations, which I'll usually end with something flirtatious... or something that almost begs a follow up conversation later on. I'll play up my theatrical, humourous and energetic side a bit, kind of guessing if they can handle me at my most energetic then they might able to handle the quieter (but not really that quiet), inquisitive me.

After a while, if there is still some mutual attraction there, I'll have deeper, one-on-one conversations with them, and try to make an emotional connection to that person. Depending on the strength of the connections I form in this stage it could mean anything from acquaintances, friends or lovers. As to knowing when I love them... there's a certain side to me that I let very very few people see, if I let them see that side of me then I love them. Even if I won't say it quickly, fear of emotional pain sees to that, but eventually, after much brooding, I can tell somebody I love them.

TL;DR: You're likely to notice it in actions before you'll see it in words. You'll be allowed into our special little world where very few people get to step.

Originally Posted by honoshikun

However, when I also get really hyper when I think about them. Last night I went on a date with a guy I really like, I was so hyper I couldn't calm down, but I couldn't do anything or else I'd wake up everyone in my house, haha.

I do that too, I've likened it to squeeing like a little fangirl at a One Direction concert.

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