Child Behavior: Is your child an underachiever?

Paul Schwartz

A new school year unfolds
and with it new academic challenges. Our children’s efforts to meet or exceed
expectations are recognized with good grades, but how do we, as parents, help
our children to reach their full potential? And what happens when we face the
possibility of underachievement?

3 types of underachievers

Most underachievers have a
low capacity to function under pressure and are easily frustrated. They lack
the ability to persist when they are presented with a challenging task.

The most common styles of
underachievement are: withdrawn underachievers, aggressive underachievers, or
underachievers possessing a self-perception of a helpless orientation.

The withdrawn
underachievers are children who appear bored and disinterested and do not try
in school. They follow school rules but are usually a non-participating member
of a classroom.

Aggressive underachievers
may be described as disruptive, talkative, rebellious and even potentially hostile
in a classroom.

Those children who have
poor self-esteem, an extremely limited view of themselves or see themselves in
terms of failure possess the helpless orientation. They often place
self-imposed limits on what they believe they can accomplish. They may adopt a
“what’s the use” attitude towards any challenge because they “know” they will
fail.

Parental influence

An external factor to
consider is the relationship that we have with our children and our influence
as parents. We need to be cognizant of our behaviors and their influence on our
children’s achievement outcomes.

Be aware of the following:

Expectations too high:
When parents expect too much, children often develop a fear of failure and a
lack of motivation due to high parental pressure to achieve — especially when
parents are rigid, authoritarian and overly controlling. When parents expect
perfection, frequently children “give up.” Since they cannot consistently be
good enough to please their parents or live up to their expectations, they stop
trying.

Expectations too low: Parents
can also seriously underestimate their child’s ability and communicate very low
aspirations. Children literally learn that very little is expected of them and
respond accordingly.

Disinterested: Some
parents are so enmeshed in their own challenges and accomplishments that,
although they are pleased with achievement if it occurs, they spend little or
no time involved in or expressing interest with their child’s schoolwork.

Overprotective or rescuing:
Overprotected children tend not to learn to be self-motivated or to set goals
for tasks, nor how to work under any level of stress. They often remain
unmotivated and immature in school. Parents who continually rescue their
children from all frustrating experiences are not allowing their child the
opportunity to learn emotionally coping strategies and problem-solving skills.

How parents can help

Self-esteem and
achievement are intimately connected, with the research clearly stating that
children who feel badly about themselves perform poorly at school and look at
themselves as less adequate than their peers.

Don’t make the mistake of
linking self-worth with achievement. Achievement should certainly be
encouraged, but tolerance for frustration comes with still feeling good about
yourself even when you don’t succeed.
We all have limitations!

Provide an early and
stimulating educational environment for your youngster. Bright children are
bored by mundane tasks — putting your child in a challenging environment may
help her to develop an early love of learning and not feel school is a
drudgery. It is important to challenge bright children early — children develop
self-confidence and motivation through struggle.

Give clear, consistent,
and positive parental messages about school expectations.

Do not overact to a
child’s “failure” or less-than-perfect performance. This might create excessive
pressure to succeed and excessive anxiety about “failure.”

Underachievement can be
prevented or reversed if we are careful to value children for who they are —
not just for the high grades they bring home.

Paul Schwartz, PhD., is a professor of
psychology and education at Mount Saint Mary College.

If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, as the author John Gray would have us believe, then adolescents must be from another galaxy altogether – or so it often seems to parents who live with them. Click here to learn how to talk to your teen. read more »

Paul Schwartz, Ph.D., is a professor of psychology and education at Mount Saint Mary College in Newburgh. He has been writing columns about child behavior for Hudson Valley Parent for more than a decade. You can find them all right here. read more »

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