Sunday, May 6, 2012

Netflix and Expendables

This is probably axiomatic, or glaringly obvious, but I'll say it:

The selection on NetFlix for instant streaming is really awful!

Of course, if you're into nature documentaries pointing out how all food is poisonous these days, or if you like awful sequels to better originals (like Iron Man 2) then there are plenty of options. But otherwise the selection is crummy for instant viewing.

That being said, I watched the Expendables the other day, and basically validated my theory. Aside from the profanity, stabbings and exploding bodies, there was absolutely nothing at all redeemable about this film. The script-writing was atrocious: the dialog sounded like something you'd quickly scribble down when jolted out of sleep at 3:47 AM and hastily grabbed a pen and paper. Or perhaps it was just written by Stallone, I don't know. But basically this was a graphically-violent waste of time featuring dozens of action movie stars for strange 5-minute segments of time when Stallone wasn't in the spotlight - and some of these action stars were newer, and some not-so-graciously aging.

In fact, I watched this, as well as the 4th Rambo film, and can't wonder if Stallone really thinks he's fooling anyone here into thinking that he's still a convincing, young action star. I mean, he's like someone's grandfather, with Reaganesque Grecian formula hair, and eyes that don't seem to express themselves naturally, as if pulled taut Botoxically. Don't get me wrong, he's a legendary action star, but to watch him now, advanced in years, running and jumping and grabbing onto the doorframe of a water airplane taking off, hanging on for dear life... this really required a stupendous suspension of disbelief.

And you know, they had that Dolph Lungren guy in the film, and Stallone is fighting him, and I didn't catch ONE ROCKY IV REFERENCE! That really let me down. Maybe I missed it, but I don't recall hearing one "I must break you" during any of their melees. Rocky IV is one of the finest, cheesiest works of cinema of the 1980's, and by far my favorite of the the Rocky series (strangely, this motion picture gem CAN be streamed on NetFlix... so what does that tell you?)

Anyhow, looks like my opinion doesn't matter much, and there's an Expendables 2 coming out. Shouldn't they have called it "Still Expendable" or something like that?