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Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

tonight as i try to slow my mind...i reflect to an earlier time today..as i say in my kitchen looking out the window..i watched as the sun slowly set...the sky exploded into vibrant colors and hues of orange red violet and blues..there were just the right amount of clouds to give it the contrast needed...the amazing brush of the Creator's hands never cease to make me look in awe and wonder at his new nightly canvas..it reminded me that no matter what is going on in the world..He is in control of it all and still paints a beautiful sky for all human-kind to enjoy..if they want to take the time and just look up..even after the sun is long gone to its place of rest...the moon comes out and lights up the dark sky..as if He is providing at nightlight to guide those wandering home..well my eyes are heavy now and my mind at rest..soon i will be in the realm known as sleep..where He guides my dreams

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

Originally Posted by roadkill

​thank you everyone..sorry about my melt down

i want to explain a bit about what made me melt down the way i did...i was at the bank.paying my bills like i do every month..i was at the teller and there was a bit of a line behind me as it is the day the disability checks or deposited...anyway..i had forgotten to take my bill statements with me and i got into a bit of a panic tying to remember how much each bill was..all the tellers and i are on first name bases and they are all aware of my situation... it was then that the teller suggested that i pay the same amount as i did last month and the month before as the amounts never change..as i was about to say ok do that..then i heard these 2 ladies behind me..looked to be in their mid 40's...ask if i was from a different planet and began to laugh at me..not with me as i was not laughing..i ignored their remarks and left..all day long..i kept hearing those words..and the more i tried to drown them out..the louder they got inside my head..then there was an innocent and simple thing happen that triggered it all to overwhelm me...like a bomb going off inside my head and i lost all control...i am not trying to justify my behaviour
as there is no excuse for it..but i wanted ya'll to know

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

I'm learning how to take things with a grain of salt so to speak. I used to think every derogative comment was directed to me. One time me and hubby were in Atlantic City New Jersey we were shopping at the outlet stores.. Two african american women were behind us and we heard them say Another Black man with a white women! I almost flipped not that I wouldn't be with a black man but because of their tone and attitude about it, BTW my last name is Gonzales I wanted to yell at them lol! I still remember that comment and there's been many others through life that I think are about me my hubby said 95% of the time they are not, I just got some reading material from my therapist about this same thing yesterday.. I am building confidence but its hard when you battle anxiety Mine doesn't come from a brain injury its childhood trauma and dysfunction I've forgiven all those involved in that. I'm just learning even at 62 years old how to build back confidence.. Thanks for listening I didn't mean to go on and on lol It all reminds me of this photo.. How you perceive things

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

Originally Posted by Manzy

I'm learning how to take things with a grain of salt so to speak. I used to think every derogative comment was directed to me. One time me and hubby were in Atlantic City New Jersey we were shopping at the outlet stores.. Two african american women were behind us and we heard them say Another Black man with a white women! I almost flipped not that I wouldn't be with a black man but because of their tone and attitude about it, BTW my last name is Gonzales I wanted to yell at them lol! I still remember that comment and there's been many others through life that I think are about me my hubby said 95% of the time they are not, I just got some reading material from my therapist about this same thing yesterday.. I am building confidence but its hard when you battle anxiety Mine doesn't come from a brain injury its childhood trauma and dysfunction I've forgiven all those involved in that. I'm just learning even at 62 years old how to build back confidence.. Thanks for listening I didn't mean to go on and on lol It all reminds me of this photo.. How you perceive things

thank you for sharing this with me manzy...and i know what you are saying about how we perceive things...battling anxiety and confidence issues is very difficult on the best of days for everyone who experiences it...

those ladies asking if i was from a different planet was the nicest things they said so i know their remarks were directed at me...even Sherry the teller said to just ignore them..i left those details out because their words are not worth repeating

also living in a small town i pretty much recognize everyone....i have never seen these 2 before..because it was labour day weekend..i figured they were tourists from Toronto..we get a lot of them throughout the summer

that is a great pik and quote....thanks again my sweet friend for adding and sharing your story

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

Re: THE COLORS IN MY WORLD (each day i will add a new one)

tonight as i try to slow my mind...i take a breath deep into my lungs and exhale slowly...my eyes are closed and the frames flash by..as i begin to focus on the movement..my minds eye catches one that is moving slower than the rest...it comes to a stop and the blurriness begins to fade and come clear...i am standing in long wide valley surrounded by huge majestic mountains..between me and where i am intended to go is a large mud mire...with each step i take forward...i feel myself sinking into the grasp of the soft mucky bottom..each movement i make the stronger its hold on my legs get..after what seems like hours and traveling only a few yards...my legs are burning as the lactic acid builds in them...they become so weak they will barely support my weight....i know if i sit down in the mire...it will swallow me up...i can go no further..no matter how hard i try..it is all in vain...all i can do is wait and pray help arrives

my eyes are heavy and my mind is unable to focus...soon i will be in that other realm known as sleep