We have known each other since school and the truth is that we're more like brother and sister these days.

Every time she throws off her bathrobe and snuggles up to me in bed, I shudder with revulsion.

I do stupid things like stroke her hair and tell her that I have got a headache. I will start a rant about someone who has annoyed me at work or I'll talk about the car not running well or complain about the Government.

In short, I'll do anything within my power to spoil the atmosphere and put her off sex. I know that my rejection breaks her heart but there's nothing I can do. I just cannot rise to the occasion and satisfy her.

I don't have this problem with other women, though, and this is the root of the guilt and shame that I feel.

Outside of home, I'm a playboy. I'm a lover and a real flirt. I've slept with a dozen or so women who have worked at our firm.

I have a long-time arrangement with a lady who lives locally and frequently pick up birds when I'm out. None has complained about my performance in bed. It's just my poor wife who always gets the brush off.

Recently she surprised me with a romantic weekend away and it was hell. The hotel room was lovely with bubbly and a spa bath but I couldn't perform at all. I even tried putting on a blindfold and thinking about other people but that was no help either.

The following day she stomped down to breakfast and we were back home by 10am. Now we are barely speaking and life is simply horrible.

What is wrong with me?

JANE SAYS: You're never going to heal or improve any relations with your wife while you are messing around with other women.

You need to stop right there and put everything into perspective. Who is the most important woman in your life? Presumably it is your wife.

So why are you treating her so shabbily? Why aren't you putting as much energy, enthusiasm and time into fixing your marriage as you are into chatting up other girls?

Long-term relationships can get stale and tired and sleeping in the same bed with the same person every night can become tired and predictable. Familiarity can breed contempt.

So that is why every successful relationship has to be a work in progress. If the thought of having sex with your wife repulses you because she's too familiar, make an effort to shake things up a bit.

Go on "blind dates" and have some fun. Get dressed up for each other, flirt, be affectionate and make time for your marriage.

If you really cannot bear to touch her then tell her you are struggling and arrange to see a sex therapist via Relate together.

She deserves some honesty and some answers and you had better start giving them or you are going to lose her.