WiR 3.15.08: Et Tu, Kristen? (Ides of March Indeed)

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I don’t know if you’ve been alive this week, but it’s been pretty interesting. And pretty inspiring. In fact, I’ve been so inspired by the events of this week that I found myself compelled to write a little “Week in Review” piece and then pitch the idea of keeping this gravy train rollin’ and pumping one out every week. In his infinite wisdom, my fearless editor Steve has given the idea a puncher’s chance, so hopefully this will be a regular thing around here. Hey, it’s just one more reason to stop by and see us. We get lonely too, you know.

Alright, let’s do this.

This week started on a sad note and then got sadder, or it started with a bang and then someone went out with a bang, depending on your perspective and your mood. It started, of course, with the finale of HBO’s The Wire and then New York Governor Eliot Spitzer was brought down by a wire in the now famous Emperor’s Club VIP sting of 2008. And then Billy Crystal got an at-bat during a real live Yankees spring training game. Really, just a great week.

In all seriousness, the end of the Wire was a truly tragic event in my life. It was really hard saying goodbye to all my friends like McNulty, Bunk, and Daniels. And you too Freamon, I think I’ll miss you most of all. What was pretty interesting was how all of a sudden the internet was on fire with Wire coverage. Sure, Slate and Salon and a couple other sites have previously graciously donated a few small slices of their bandwidth for critical thought on the best show ever to be on American television, but even MSN had some coverage. Way to be behind the curve, guys. Why are they starting coverage after it’s over? It really is a great example of the state of the media. Lindsay Lohan is topless in New York magazine and it’s her big comeback instead of representing a new low and a television show reaches it’s media climax after it’s over. Typical.

I gotta tell you though, the phenomenon of the Wire’s newfound media coverage was very short lived since it came out later that day that Governor Eliot Spitzer was caught up in a sex scandal involving transporting a high class call girl named Kristen across state lines, room 871 of the Mayflower Hotel, the moniker Client 9, and some other tawdry details. Since then, people have been fixating on how hypocritical Spitzer is for prosecuting Prostitution Rings (even though that was part of his job as Attorney General) while also visiting hookers (like tons of married guys). Then there was the “unsafe” bit which turned out to be his desire to get his knob slobed sans condom which is not so surprising considering the DSL on that girl. I mean, really, am I the only one with the stones to say that Kristen is effing hot?

And then the cous de gras – the revelation that Kristen is really a struggling singer named Ashley Alexandra Dupre who’s real name is Ashley Youmans but she sometimes also went by Ashley DiPietro. That’s four names for one chick. I don’t even have a joke or a wry observation here, the fact is good enough. Of course this whole part of the story didn’t really take off until her Myspace page was discovered and while everyone else was talking about her demo and the blogs about drug abuse and homelessness, I was busy scoring one for Myspace. Really, what a blow to facebook. I know it helped that she’s an aspiring singer, but if she even had a facebook page it would have popped up by now. Instead, Myspace re-establishes itself as the dominant site for young people with sordid pasts. Score one for the little guy, or the old guy, whatever.

Speaking of old guys, Billy Crystal was signed by the Yankees for one day and got one at-bat in a real live game against an almost major league team in the Pittsburg Pirates. He didn’t play the field and struck out in his only time up. I love how this got coverage. Why? The Yankees are media hounds. The truth is, I was shocked they could take some time out of their busy bench-clearing brawl schedule to humor a lifelong fan who was funny twenty years ago. But, really, this isn’t about how far Crystal has fallen since his days of looking “mahvelous,” it’s about how the Yankees are whores. Evil whores with black souls getting in brawls with a team that’s never had a winning season in its entire life. And they’re such classless whores they couldn’t even get hired as call girls for the Emperor’s Club.