I would never dream of having a guest pay for anything, IMHO it's unseemly. If you can't afford the party you want then have the party you can afford to pay for. No one gets whatever they want in life, sometimes you need to compromise.

Customers pay, guests do not.

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Always be polite, even to nasty people. Not because they are nice, but because you are.

Op can you tell us about what kind of party it was? I would not send my child with that much money. That is insane. Now if it was a chuck e cheese thing or a build a bear I could understand the parent saying they allotted x amount of tickets or each child will get a teddy bear and if they want to get anything else they may want to bring extra. But to ask to pay for everything? No way. How about having a party you can afford. Some of the best parties my kids have been to are the ones given at home.

This one event is laser tag. It's an expensive adventure just for your one kid to go to, let alone funding a half a dozen of them. I myself would not plan a party for my child at this venue because I simply cannot afford it. These other parents are planning a party for their child and I am expected to fork over extra cash for it, which I am complying to at the moment, but this is not something I can afford to do on any long-term basis with two kids and their various events. I'm going to have to start saying no if these birthday parties are going to run some $10, $20 or $30 outside of what I'm already spending on a gift and a drive across town. This is new to me that these parties are requiring extra cash and I'm wondering what is going on and if this is the new normal.

M2k,Are they paying anything? When I hosted for my son, it was around $12 per kid and included two laser games and some other activities. Then I provided cake and drinks. Are they suggesting the kids bring extra cash if they want to play more than the included 2 games or are they not paying for anything?

If not paying anything, then it sounds like the parents are "coordinating" an activity and not hosting a party.

I had two daughters and we did McDonald's, pizzas, bowling, skating, ice skating, minature golf, swimming and home parties and I did not EVER expect other parents to send/bring money. If I couldn't afford to pay for the party I didn't have one.

I think this is just the new entitled generation expecting others to pay for their fabulous life.

I have never paid for a party at this type of event, so I don't know if they have any party packages that might be more budget friendly. The rest of the time It's $20 for a session or $30 for all day, plus the cost of renting weapons and safety gear, and if they're there all day, you're also sending money for food. This one I'm sending $20 and I'm assuming the parents are covering either the cost of the session or the rentals and providing dinner. They could easily be spending $50 a head. It's definitely not cheap. A couple of these other parties where I've ended up sending money aren't as expensive and thankfully this doesn't happen every time, but it certainly seems to be trending right now.

When they were younger and off to Peter Piper Pizza or Build-a-Bear, I have never sent extra cash for tokens or anything, didn't expect to have to and was never told to. I expected the parents to cover whatever it was they were covering, and my kids get what they get. If they run out of tokens, they run out. If these parents wish to spend extra money for more tokens, that's up to them.

One of the issues here, is this isn't mentioned on the invitation, so I'm finding out about this later. If it was on the invitation I would know right away about any costs and know if this is something I can afford to do. I don't want to have to say no, but sometimes this is necessary. I've usually done these parties at home, but at no point did I expect parents to spend any money.

And just to clarify, the laser tag is the more recent one and also one of the more expensive ones, most of the time it hasn't been nearly as expensive.

Plus you're buying a gift. It didn't occur to me that with this cost, I might not be obligated to also provide a gift.

This one party is also a slumber party, and these parents are going to be driving the kids out there and picking them up, plus feeding them, so they're not being overly lax or anything.

We have never had to pay anything when my daughter has attended birthday parties. The parents have always paid for whatever activity the kids were invited to. And when we've hosted parties, WE have always paid for all the invited kids.

OP, I am not a parent so take this advice with that in mind. Someone above mentioned that the price for the laser tag seemed high. Can you call the park and find out how much it actually is (yes, I am advising you to check and make sure the parents are not padding the cost). Second, I would suggest that not only does the success of this party possibly encourage other parents to do the same it might in a sense pit your party-going child against your other children because they won't be allowed the same experience at parties they might go to in the future. Is that a risk?

OP, I am not a parent so take this advice with that in mind. Someone above mentioned that the price for the laser tag seemed high. Can you call the park and find out how much it actually is (yes, I am advising you to check and make sure the parents are not padding the cost). Second, I would suggest that not only does the success of this party possibly encourage other parents to do the same it might in a sense pit your party-going child against your other children because they won't be allowed the same experience at parties they might go to in the future. Is that a risk?

Thank you for your concern on this one. My child has played laser tag before, I am well aware of the fees, and they also have everything listed on their website. I don't know if they offer any "party packages" to save a few bucks or offer any discounts for multiple individuals. I don't know what these parents are spending, and I'm not going to ask. It is costly, but I don't think we're looking at a situation where anyone is being ripped off. I have talked and met with the parents, met the child, and been by their house. They seem like good people, and I don't think anything shady is happening here. It's a really good point to bring up, which I didn't even really consider, so thanks for mentioning it.

As for the kids and their friends and parties, there has been a little bit of jealousy here and there, but that's just life. These kids are pre-teen and teenagers. When they were little, a lot of times siblings would be invited to join part of the festivities or they'd give the sibling a goody bag, which was really nice, and something I did as well when I hosted, but that doesn't happen so much these days, and the kids really aren't interested in attending each others events all that much anyway, though they might be a little green with envy with what the other kid has planned and gets to do.

There might be some parental competition and keeping up with the Jones', but I'm not one of those people. I guess this type of behavior is why the guests are being charged rather than doing something a little bit less expensive or inviting fewer guests or working with a budget. I would love to do something like this for my child but really can't and try to keep the parties even between my children, but who knows what these people are doing. Part of my question was if this was just something new I need to expect in the land of teen because it's just not something I really encountered before when they were little with these parties. Clearly this is not typical.

I've never heard of a pay-your-way birthday party, and according to my DD, her kids haven't been invited to any. I think this is talked about more than it's practiced.

Most venues have party packages to make the experience more affordable. This would cover food, drink, typical number of games, or manicures, iceskating, a craft or whatever. Other than a gift, a guest shouldn't have to spend money to enjoy the party.

Another option is to let the birthday girl or boy invite a favorite friend (or 2) to something special (dinner at Benihana's or a fondue restaurant, or a show). Trimming the invitation list is a way to deal with the affordability issue.

We still see home parties in our neighborhood, too. I don't think they've gone completely out of style.

BIRTHDAY BASH LUAULittle Mervin is turning five!Youíre invited to celebrate this milestone birthday with him in Hawaii!Date: August 8-11, 2013Place: Honolulu HiltonPlease send your check for $1500 to Mervinís parents by July 1. Your check covers the cost of airfare, lodging, and Mervinís birthday luau party. Breakfast is provided by the hotel. Please ensure that your child has additional funds for other meals, souvenirs, and additional entertainment (suggested amount $600).Mervin is registered at GreedyKidsRUs.com.Please visit our website to see how you can contribute to the trip expenses for little Mervinís parents.

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It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

One of the issues here, is this isn't mentioned on the invitation, so I'm finding out about this later.

Nice bait and switch!

OP, I think you're well within your rights to just say "Oh, I wish you'd mentioned the cost on the invitation. I'm sorry, but unfortunately that changes things and my child is no longer able to attend."

Years ago, I had a friend who would always call me and say "My buddy is having a party. Do you want to go?" And I'd say yes. And then she'd say "Can you drive? Can you pick me up?" And I was annoyed that she always wanted me to drive even though she had a car too, but I'd say yes. And then she'd add "And my other friends, Joe, Sam and Barbara want to come too. Can you pick them up too?" Suddenly, I was a chauffeur running all over town to attend a party that was right by my back door. After a few times like this, I learned to say "actually, no, sorry. I'm not willing to drive. It doesn't make sense for me to spend an hour and a half in the car each way when the party is half a mile from me." And then, in a huff, with a frustrated and admonishing tone, she would rescind the "invitation."

I realized I wasn't being "invited" but rather, being used.

You don't have to explain that it's your budget that is preventing you from sending your child to the party. In your shoes, even if my budget allowed it, I think I would still say no. On principle.

BIRTHDAY BASH LUAULittle Mervin is turning five!Youíre invited to celebrate this milestone birthday with him in Hawaii!Date: August 8-11, 2013Place: Honolulu HiltonPlease send your check for $1500 to Mervinís parents by July 1. Your check covers the cost of airfare, lodging, and Mervinís birthday luau party. Breakfast is provided by the hotel. Please ensure that your child has additional funds for other meals, souvenirs, and additional entertainment (suggested amount $600).Mervin is registered at GreedyKidsRUs.com.Please visit our website to see how you can contribute to the trip expenses for little Mervinís parents.

Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised to see something like this.

Children's parties have gotten totally out of control. What ever happened to ice cream, cake and running around the back yard?

BIRTHDAY BASH LUAULittle Mervin is turning five!Youíre invited to celebrate this milestone birthday with him in Hawaii!Date: August 8-11, 2013Place: Honolulu HiltonPlease send your check for $1500 to Mervinís parents by July 1. Your check covers the cost of airfare, lodging, and Mervinís birthday luau party. Breakfast is provided by the hotel. Please ensure that your child has additional funds for other meals, souvenirs, and additional entertainment (suggested amount $600).Mervin is registered at GreedyKidsRUs.com.Please visit our website to see how you can contribute to the trip expenses for little Mervinís parents.

Sadly, I wouldn't be surprised to see something like this.

Children's parties have gotten totally out of control. What ever happened to ice cream, cake and running around the back yard?

Even then they're out of control, at least where I grew up and just moved back to. A backyard party here involves at least one, but usually 2 or 3 bounce houses or other large inflatable toy (think large slides or climbing toys) and either a live band or DJ.

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Some people lift weights. I lift measures. It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

The problem is parental competition. I saw that last year when one of DD's classmates had a party at local hair salon. It was on a Sunday when the salon was closed and mom has worked there for years so I knew it wasn't over the top. They fixed up the girls hair, did their nails, and if they were allowed, a little of make up (5-6 yr olds). She had some relatives help her out with the beauty treatments and then the girls did some crafts, had cake and ice cream and played. Well, one mom had her dingdangity nose in the air the whole time and ended up having a party at a chain crappy jewelry store after the mall closed on a Sunday for just about the worst run party I have had the mispleasure of being at. And you either had to stay in the store (that had the gate down) or completely leave the mall instead of being allowed to sit on the benches outside the store. And then the next "Gotta out do this" mom said she was going to have a princess party..all the girls were going to be required to come dressed as princesses and she was going to have all the Disney Princesses there..my DD didn't go. We had the dresses, but I just get sick of participating in these Anything You Can Do I Can Do Better events. I rent a grove for cheap at the local park, grill some burgers and hot dogs and let the kids play...that is all they want to do anyways