The breastfeeding debate has been in the news and high on the social media agenda again, this time thanks to Jamie Oliver. Although clumsy, I sort of understand what he was trying to say. I also understand why it caused such a fuss.

However, when I read the many, many blog posts that (quite rightly) said that there’s enough pressure to breastfeed without a bloody man wading in and saying it’s easy, there was one thing that I noticed. All the mums writing these posts were saying that women do try and breastfeed, but some just find it too hard to continue. That’s not necessarily true of all new mums though.

I recently found out that a friend of mine who gave birth a few weeks ago decided not to breastfeed her little girl right at the start of her pregnancy. I was, and still am, genuinely perplexed (and feeling a little bit judgemental) by what I consider to be a totally selfish decision. Why would you not even try to give your baby the very best start in life? (And there’s no denying the benefits of breastfeeding over formula).

I should point out at this point that my children were formula fed after I tried and failed to breastfeed so I’m not some kind of breastfeeding fanatic.

I fed my first baby for 11 weeks before I eventually had to concede defeat (low milk supply, hungry baby, hard, hard, hard) but I gave it my very best shot because I knew how beneficial breastfeeding would be to him. I tried everything I could to get it to work (lactation specialists, pumping after every feed, checking latch) but when the difficulties I was having started to impact on my mental health, I knew it was time to change to formula.

Second time around, I was full of renewed hope but the same problems reared their heads and I only lasted six weeks before I switched. It would never have occurred to me to plan to formula feed right from the start without even trying to breastfeed though. I’m genuinely interested to know what drives that decision. Of course, there may be very valid (and private reasons) that a new mum may choose not to try, but what are they?

From what I can gather from doing a little bit of (very limited) research, it seems almost to be a cultural problem, with new mums from more deprived backgrounds less likely to even try breastfeeding. I’m interested to know whether it’s some sort of vanity or (perceived) convenience that drives that decision.

Maybe the message new mums should be given is, “give it your best shot, with lots of support from professionals, but if you can’t make it work, then there will be no judgement if you switch to formula” but I think that we all owe it to our children to at least try.

Recent posts

“Of course, there may be very valid (and private reasons) that a new mum may choose not to try, but what are they?”

Private, as you said. None of your concern. Who cares if you don’t know or understand? You don’t have to. No one deserves judgement, it’s not for you to decide to put conditions on which women you will support and respect. This whole article is entirely insensitive and says a lot more about the authors charming personality than it does about feeding.

Emma

“it seems almost to be a cultural problem, with new mums from more deprived backgrounds less likely to even try breastfeeding”
I’ve just read this comment with my mouth wide open…how judgemental to make this link…like you say, this was from your “very limited” research, so perhaps a little unjustified and damn right rude.
Breastfeeding should be a Woman’s choice and the reason for that choice should be nobody’s business but the Woman’s herself.

Caroline

No offence but bore off, some women just purely do not want to put that pressure on themselves for legitimate reasons, I for instance went back to uni to finish the last 10 weeks of my degree when my baby was 9 days old and had made my mind up from the beginning that I was not breastfeeding as there was no way I was expressing in a uni toilet! It is no one else’s business which method a woman used to provide her baby with food, as long as that baby is fed and healthy.

Lucinda

“give it your best shot, with lots of support from professionals, but if you can’t make it work, then there will be no judgement if you switch to formula” but I think that we all owe it to our children to at least try.

No judgement huh?! Maybe you could think about removing the ‘should try’ from tie title and the ‘but’ immediately following this quote.

I breastfeed, have done for 4 months and plan to continue indefinitely. Do you think that makes me a better mother than someone who makes a different choice?

Working in mental health I see women making choices about many things affecting their ability to breastfeed. There are many factors affecting this choice and if you really don’t want to judge, mean it, own it, and stop projecting your own ‘should’ onto others.

Becki

To add insult to injury there is also another side to this. . ‘women are pressured into breast feeding and judged when they don’t’ coin, and that is the negativity about women breast feeding in socitiy. Some women get verbally abused and feel so worried about nursing in public that they either don’t, or find themselves feeding thier bubba in a grotty toilet. Hardly fair, pleasant or frankly hyginic!!
So why are we incouraged to breast feed and judged when we don’t, only to find some oink get “offened” by a mother breast feeding in public and scrutinise her, only to go on and oogle at some page 3 boobs?! Why is something so natural so judged that women feel that the can’t do right from wrong!! Maybe, just Maybe socitiy should in fact get its nose out of judging women about breast feeding on every level and start creating a more positive public attitude as well as a non judgemental one so women don’t find themselves being made to feel bad and critisied at every turn with it!!!

Betty

I agree, all new mothers should try to breastfeed. There’s a difference between support and pressure. Even if the pressure is real, do any by choice formula-feeders
ever think about why pressure is applied? It’s a no-brainer. The benefits for both mum and baby are countless, I really don’t understand why parents wouldn’t want the very best start in life for their kids. All this “mine were formula fed and they’re fine” nonsense does my head in. They might be fine but they didn’t get the best they could have had. I understand that there are isolated occasions women can’t breastfeed but for the most part, it’s a lack of understanding on how breastfeeding works. Feed more to produce more milk, simple as that. And if that means a baby wants to feed every hour instead of filling up on processed cow breastmilk every 4 hours, then so be it, it’s not forever. The opinion of “it’s every woman’s personal choice” is BS too, the woman has to choose because the baby can’t. If the baby could, it would choose the breast, it’s instinctive and a survival technique. Plus, society on the whole is paying for the “personal choices” of previous generations, obesity levels are at an all time high, not to mention other diet related illnesses that taxpayers have to pay to counteract. I am not anti-formula but it should only come second in the rare instance that breastfeeding is not available to the baby.

Intergirl5

Wow your comments are incredibly insensitive and way off. I think you will find that although breastfeeding is natural and undoubtedly best for baby it is certainly not rare for a woman to have difficulties feeding their child from the breast. It is much more common than you think. My little one was born five weeks early and despite support from experienced nursing staff we still can’t get him to latch onto the breast. I have been expressing milk for six weeks now as well as continuing to try to get him to latch but to no avail. I am now in a position where I just can not keep up with the volume of milk he requires to grow into a healthy young boy and I’m therefore left with no option but to introduce formula! I would love for him to continue to receive breast milk but it’s just not meant to be!

JJ

Agree 100%

Mary C

Ugggg WHY are today’s women such pansies? What would have happened if your child was born in the age before formula? Mother’s then didn’t have the luxury of making these silly excuses! They breastfed their babies! I judge women who decide to formula feed as much as I judge women who ELECT to have c-sections! Your body was made to do both! And it is THE BEST for that child who didn’t choose to be here! But women are putting their own wants and needs in front of their children’s! My daughter is almost 10 months. We are still breastfeeding. Was it easy? ABSOLUTELY NOT! I used nipple shields for the first 8 weeks! My boobs were so sore I cried in the beginning when she latched and unlatched. Every time! At 6 weeks she wasn’t picking up weight like she was supposed to. I was told to ad breast milk fortifier or supplement with formula. Once or twice a day. I had to start expressing. Sometimes I didn’t have enough milk to fortify so I supplemented with formula. I was told (by more than one person) that it will only be a matter of time before I switch completely to formula. WHATEVER! I did everything I could to get my supply up! Jungle Juice. Brewers yeast. Fenugreek (really worked). After eight weeks of supplementing once a day her weight was perfect my supply was up and we ditched the formula! Was it easy? NO! I sat expressing in the middle of the night most times to be able to give her fortified breastmilk. I know that breastfeeding is way easier in the long run than constantly washing, sterilising and filling formula bottles! And it’s best for my baby! Not just nutrition wise! But also for emotional comfort and development! People always comment on what an amazingly happy and calm easy baby she is. She is almost one and haven’t been sick ONE DAY. I wish women would Firstly educate themselves and secondly really consider what is best for their baby…

Michelle

I agree wholeheartedly with your comment. I breastfed both of my boys despite finding it extremely tough at first. I received amazing support the first time around so had the confidence to stick with it the second time. The difference I found in the three years between having my boys was amazing. This time around I was pushed towards formula after only 3 days! (My milk hadnt come in after a traumatic labour) I was threatened by a midwife that if I didn’t wake up to feed my baby in the night they would take him and give him formula!!!! I should add that he was born a healthy 8lb 12Oz! I feel there should be MORE pressure on mums to try. There is NO reason (that is not a selfish one) not to! I have friends who really tried but just couldn’t do it (their babies would have died 100 years ago) but more often than not it is made too easy for mums to give up. Things need to change. I am proud that neither of my boys had any formula but I am often made to feel like I shouldnt be in case it makes others uncomfortable.

Brilea Rose

Stop forcing women to do stuff they dont want. For gods sake stop calling women who formula feed selfish. It seems like you are too stupid to even realize what that word means. Stop ripping apart other women. You are a women, act like one.

Brilea Rose

You are no better. You may think you are the best mom but there is no doubt you are a terrible human being.

zoebatten

Personally I would have liked to have been able to try to breastfeed but as a result of a medical condition I was unable to however now that I am expecting baby no.2 I am glad I cannot breastfeed because it means my son can help feed the baby when it does arrive.

Laura

I can’t believe the author of this article and the people behind some of the comments below have the audacity to state what “all women should”do! I have never commented on a blog before but found this so shocking and disgusting I couldn’t not! Every person has the right to make their own decision about their bodies, for whatever reason they want. All this has shown me is that that “all women should” be more open minded and respectful.

Pam

I wish I would have been breast fed as an infant. I know it would have helped me neurologically and other ways.
Back in the 60’s 70’s and 80’s most people fed their infants formula and those of us who were born back then (and care about other people) want to encourage new moms to breast feed or try to, if at all possible. It does work out easier if you don’t work and have someone else working and paying the bills for that time. But life is not usually that simple and people understand that.
I tried with all 5 of mine, and only 2 BF good. For 6 months or more. It was a challenge that I’m happy I gave the effort to do.

Hopefully most women will give it their consideration & best effort to BF!

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