Kennebunk prostitution case: what to tell the children

KENNEBUNK — As many brace for the release of the first batch of names in the alleged prostitution operation in Kennebunk, concern is turning to the children whose lives could be impacted.

Jennifer Feals

KENNEBUNK — As many brace for the release of the first batch of names in the alleged prostitution operation in Kennebunk, concern is turning to the children whose lives could be impacted.

Psychotherapist Roslyn Birger-Hershfield, MSW/LCSW, who is based in York and focuses on work with children and adolescents, offered advice on how to help children navigate what's to come.

For a child who is removed from the case and doesn't have a parent charged, Birger-Hershfield said she wouldn't necessarily be forthcoming with what's happening, depending on their age.

She said, “sometimes too much information is not good, too.”

“It could be that the kids are not going to be aware of it, and maybe they will,” she said. “I would wait for the kids to go to the parents.”

As names are released in relation to the case, Birger-Hershfield said it's important to stress that the person might have made a bad and illegal choice, which they must take responsibility for, but that it doesn't make them a bad person.

“I think the thing to say is he made a very bad choice and he did something that was illegal and when you do bad things there is a punishment,” she said. “And part of the punishment is being exposed.”

How children handle a friend whose parent may be charged will vary for each individual, and depend on age, Birger-Hershfield said. But no matter what, it will be important for children to be supportive of one another and to maintain the friendships they have made, she said, and that's something for parents to keep in mind too.

“I think that the friendship should not suffer because of this and that the parents have to understand that if a child goes over to a friend's house whose father was accused, then they have to remember that it's not the child,” she said.

For children who have a parent charged in connection with the case, Birger-Hershfield said, it is important for parents to speak with the child before information is released publicly, and to stress that what has happened has nothing to do with the child.

“The child is not responsible in any way. I think that's a very important piece for the kids, assuming that a parent is involved,” Birger-Hershfield said.

Children find it difficult when faced with the reality that their parent has done something wrong, Birger-Hershfield said, and can place the blame on themselves. It's important to help them realize that is not the case, she said.

“It's very difficult for the children to feel that their parents are at fault, because if they do then they worry that they are not secure because they really need their parent to guide them,” Birger-Hershfield said. “So it's like a mechanism that children do, where instead of saying, 'My dad is really rotten,' they think, 'I must have done something badly to make this happen.'”

The case and it's public nature can be devastating for the families involved, Birger-Hershfield said. While she said couples and families will be dealing with the impact privately, they may want to seek professional help and can move on from it.

“The main thing to understand is that there was a betrayal and this betrayal is a great hurt,” she said. “They have to first understand that it doesn't mean you're all bad and that good people can make bad choices.”

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