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24 Mockery: Season 8 Takes a Familiar Twist

24 Mockery is back after a two-week layoff. I realize not that many people read these but I don’t care. This previous episode of 24 was so ridiculous that I just had to share the discussion I had with DV.

Before we delve into this week’s edition, I thought I’d share a glossary of terms. To clear up any confusion when reading this, consult the glossary of nicknames. Some of these appear in this week’s edition, while others have shown up in previous versions.

Fake Leonardo DiCaprio: Kevin, the ex-boyfriend of Dana Walsh who now lies in the bottom of the river. He has this nickname because he looks like a poor man’s Leonardo DiCaprioSlumdog Millionare Guy: President Hassan…Nicknamed because he was in Slumdog MillionaireFreddy: Agent Ortiz: short for Freddie Prinze Jr.Milton: Kevin’s parole officer. Named Milton because he’s played by the guy who played Milton in Office SpaceSack-off: Dana Walsh. Named Sack-off because she’s played by Katee Sackoff…and because she sucks ballsForrest Whittaker Guy: Hastings, the head of CTU because he is black and fat like Forest Whitaker.

John S (1:54:31 PM): I think we need to talk about 24DV (1:55:31 PM): I’m sorry I just vomited a little bit in my mouth.
(short pause)DV (1:55:38 PM): I’m ok now.John S (1:55:46 PM):24 has officially run out of ideasJohn S (1:56:17 PM): how many times can they A) have a girl sleep with a terrorist and then find out after they had sex and B) attack CTUDV (1:56:28 PM): yeah seriouslyDV (1:55:57 PM): What was the promo saying?DV (1:56:17 PM): “The twist that will change everything!”John S (1:56:39 PM): well I suppose it changed everything but I wouldn’t say it was a twistJohn S (1:56:48 PM):because they do it every seasonDV (1:56:48 PM): it didn’t change anythingDV (1:56:59 PM): what season is this?John S (1:57:04 PM): 8 I thinkDV (1:57:17 PM): this is the 10th time CTU has been compromised.DV (1:57:23 PM): and the show has only 8 seasonsJohn S (1:57:50 PM): see they didn’t do it last season, so they figured it was time to do it againDV (2:00:03 PM): seriously?DV (2:00:05 PM): I’m sure they didDV (2:00:08 PM): what happened last season?John S (2:00:14 PM): well last season there was no CTUDV (2:00:23 PM): ahhhDV (2:00:26 PM): that’s rightDV (2:00:30 PM): they had a mole in the FBI insteadJohn S (2:00:44 PM): yupJohn S (2:00:48 PM): there’s always friggin moleDV (2:01:16 PM): It’s always obvious who it is too.John S (2:01:22 PM): that’s trueJohn S (2:01:25 PM): except in season 1DV (2:01:32 PM): yeah Nina was the only good moleJohn S (2:01:32 PM): Nina was unexpectedDV (2:02:09 PM): I hate to skip to the end of last night’s episode… but did you see the promo for next week?John S (2:02:21 PM): yesDV (2:02:38 PM): “There’s only one weapon left! and it’s JACK BAUER!”DV (2:02:51 PM): like seriously?DV (2:02:58 PM): Grandpa coming to save the day.John S (2:03:18 PM): NYC is in the hands of an 85 year old man with a stab woundDV (2:03:49 PM): well he used a med kit.DV (2:03:53 PM): so he’s fineJohn S (2:03:57 PM):right… I forgotDV (2:04:23 PM): but his new side kick Ortiz has a distracting side story.DV (2:04:29 PM): BTWDV (2:04:35 PM): Ortiz..DV (2:04:45 PM): Spanish guy with an Irish NY accentDV (2:04:54 PM): awesome.DV (2:05:12 PM):and that side story is retardedDV (2:05:17 PM):they let that dude in the buildingDV (2:05:18 PM): are you kidding me?John S (2:05:34 PM): at 2 am in the middle of the crisis!John S (2:05:52 PM): how convenient that he called like 5 minutes after he killed fake Leonardo DiCaprioJohn S (2:05:27 PM): I think after this week’s episode, Dana Walsh is officially the worst character in the history of the showDV (2:05:35 PM):Yes.DV (2:06:14 PM): I will disregard the stupidity for one thing…DV (2:06:16 PM):and one thing only…DV (2:06:34 PM): if after this EMP thing… the parole officer dude gets up and says…DV (2:06:39 PM):“Have you seen my stapler?”DV (2:06:46 PM): that’s it.DV (2:06:48 PM): nothing else.DV (2:07:05 PM): In fact…DV (2:07:35 PM): please title this peace… “Have you seen my stapler?” and have a picture of that dude.John S (2:23:05 PM): haha. That’s who that was!John S (2:23:10 PM): I couldn’t put my finger on itDV (2:34:21 PM): ah yes Milton. I forgot his name.DV (2:37:17 PM): also, side note… 24 has made all cops look like assholesDV (2:37:31 PM): Bad move…John S (2:37:33 PM): rightJohn S (2:37:36 PM): the NYPD looked ineptDV (2:37:40 PM): that was probably the last demographic they didn’t loseDV (2:37:45 PM): they are gone now.DV (2:37:51 PM): Cops notice that stuffJohn S (2:39:58 PM): yeah. I loved how all the idiot cops enter the hallway and go in the same directionJohn S (2:40:04 PM): and of course he was right behind themDV (2:40:25 PM): yeah complete stupidity. Also…DV (2:40:36 PM): they were all wearing the heavy kevlarDV (2:40:41 PM): they should have been able to fire shots backJohn S (2:41:18 PM): that’s trueDV (2:41:22 PM): also, for situations like that they would have had riot ammoDV (2:41:25 PM): rubber bulletsJohn S (2:41:38 PM): right because they wanted to take the guy aliveDV (2:41:41 PM): yupJohn S (2:46:01 PM): I just realized that Dana Walsh lucked out with this EMP thingDV (2:46:35 PM): yupJohn S (2:46:47 PM): I was hoping she was going to get killed off or arrestedDV (2:47:13 PM): the lie about sleeping with him will probably get back to OrtizDV (2:47:50 PM): I’m actually bored of Ortiz now. Just cause of this story. It makes him annoyingJohn S (2:48:10 PM): yeah. He was kinda bad-ass before thisDV (2:48:47 PM): oh yeah speaking of the EMPDV (2:48:58 PM): why the hell would they tell her to drive to CTUDV (2:49:10 PM): that was the dumbest thing I have ever heardJohn S (2:50:03 PM): what I’m confused about…is the other scenes, Fake Leo was outside somewhere when he went to visit CTUJohn S (2:50:18 PM): Slumdog Millionare’s daughter just drove right up to the entranceDV (2:50:21 PM): hahaDV (2:50:24 PM): yes it’s true!John S (2:51:06 PM): I would think if she parked in the same place Fake Leo parked that it wouldn’t have wiped out CTUDV (2:52:44 PM): You could not be more rightDV (2:53:16 PM): I like the guy who thought he could drive the car out of thereDV (2:53:27 PM): I mean there’s a time with 10 seconds on it going..DV (2:53:29 PM): seriously..?John S (2:53:33 PM): hahah that was funnyJohn S (2:57:23 PM): I wonder if he died from being so closeDV (2:57:41 PM): yeah he’s probably dead cause it f’d up the carJohn S (2:57:58 PM): probablyDV (2:58:11 PM): oh yeah also..DV (2:58:15 PM): they have friggin EMP’SDV (2:58:22 PM): they do not need nuclear rods!John S (2:58:39 PM): haha well nuclear rods would do more damageDV (2:58:56 PM): yeah but to go though all this trouble if your just trying to do damage..DV (2:58:59 PM): the EMPs will make a pointJohn S (3:00:36 PM): good pointJohn S (3:00:41 PM): they could have planted that in the middle of Times SquareDV (3:00:56 PM): yupDV (3:01:13 PM): this is why the terrorists never winDV (3:06:19 PM): the show is so bad… I’m really interested in seeing the next episodeDV (3:06:39 PM): I have to stop.DV (3:06:54 PM): it’s like being a Cubs fan or something.John S (3:07:07 PM): yeah. It’s a train wreckJohn S (3:07:12 PM): It’s terrible but you can’t look awayJohn S (3:07:39 PM): Let me sum up every season of 24 since like season 2 in a few short sentences…DV (3:07:53 PM): please do.John S (3:09:15 PM): There’s a nuclear terrorist threat. A mole inside a government agency causes the threat to become real. Jack kills mole but not before he extracts the name of who he is working for…At exactly the 12 hour mark of the show, he kills the boss, only to find out he was part of a bigger operation. Somewhere along the line CTU gets attacked. Lots of agents die. In the end, Jack saves the day but loses his love interest. REPEAT.DV (3:13:17 PM): Wow…DV (3:13:20 PM): that was pretty good.

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