Hey everyone. We are not really in a DD relationship as most people on here are but spanking has recently become a large part of our lives. When my wife was angry and/or hurting, sHe would pester me until I snapped. When she did I would spank her. She isn’t enjoying it because she is in pain but it doesn’t stop her from continuing her behaviour. The more she does things to upset me, the harder I spank. It’s gotten to a point where she is in a lot of pain and is scared of me.
Now I revert to spanking everytime things aren’t going the way I want them to. I’m constantly spanking for minor reasons and spanking before I even think about why.
We’ve had instances when I would spank and it had no effect so I would spank again and again until things finally went my way. Now I want to spank harder and longer, hoping that the first time is enough to make things the way I want them.
I’ve tried to stay calm but things escalate and I’m back to hard spanks.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle the anger? Or help me know where to spank that won’t cause damage?
I’d honestly prefer to never spank at all. I just feel I have no other option. I don’t want to get to the point where it becomes abuse cause I love her. She can be stubborn and withstand lots of pain, just to prove that what I’m doing won’t work. But later she is hurting and is wondering why I am spanking her so much.
I know she has every right to express her feelings. I feel like I’m so caught up in this new lifestyle that it’s getting out of hand.

Last edited by Deucecat on Sat May 25, 2019 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

Generally speaking the butt ist quite save even for hard discipline. Maybe you should so corner time before a spanking. 15 minutes gives her time to reflect and you time to cool down before you spank her. Could help both of you. And write a list of household rules so that you both know what gets punishment.

I think it's good to sit down and talk about your issues and why you had to spank her. Maybe you would come up with more "organized" approach to it. Evena's advice is fantastic. Try corner time just for yourself to calm down before taking action.

Generally speaking the butt ist quite save even for hard discipline. Maybe you should so corner time before a spanking. 15 minutes gives her time to reflect and you time to cool down before you spank her. Could help both of you. And write a list of household rules so that you both know what gets punishment.

Much love

Evena

I agree with Evena....good suggestions. Her butt is the safest place for spanking. However, it is often a good idea to have her do some corner time or be sent to the bedroom for 15 to 30 minutes before you come in to give the spanking. It gives her time to reflect on her behavior and actions and it gives you time to be calm and give a proper punishment without so much anger.

A list of basic house rules and expectations should be created with her signing it in acknowledgement that she knows the rules and will accept the consequences for breaking them.

You are the leader of the home and need to be in control of yourself, so don't be spanking in anger. Give yourself time to cool off and then do a proper job spanking her. It should hurt enough that she doesn't want to feel it again very soon.

Hey everyone. We are not really in a DD relationship as most people on here are but spanking has recently become a large part of our lives. When my wife was angry and/or hurting, sHe would pester me until I snapped. When she did I would spank her. She isn’t enjoying it because she is in pain but it doesn’t stop her from continuing her behaviour. The more she does things to upset me, the harder I spank. It’s gotten to a point where she is in a lot of pain and is scared of me.
Now I revert to spanking everytime things aren’t going the way I want them to. I’m constantly spanking for minor reasons and spanking before I even think about why.
We’ve had instances when I would spank and it had no effect so I would spank again and again until things finally went my way. Now I want to spank harder and longer, hoping that the first time is enough to make things the way I want them.
I’ve tried to stay calm but things escalate and I’m back to hard spanks.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle the anger? Or help me know where to spank that won’t cause damage?
I’d honestly prefer to never spank at all. I just feel I have no other option. I don’t want to get to the point where it becomes abuse cause I love her. She can be stubborn and withstand lots of pain, just to prove that what I’m doing won’t work. But later she is hurting and is wondering why I am spanking her so much.
I know she has every right to express her feelings. I feel like I’m so caught up in this new lifestyle that it’s getting out of hand.

Hey everyone. We are not really in a DD relationship as most people on here are but spanking has recently become a large part of our lives. When my wife was angry and/or hurting, sHe would pester me until I snapped. When she did I would spank her. She isn’t enjoying it because she is in pain but it doesn’t stop her from continuing her behaviour. The more she does things to upset me, the harder I spank. It’s gotten to a point where she is in a lot of pain and is scared of me.
Now I revert to spanking everytime things aren’t going the way I want them to. I’m constantly spanking for minor reasons and spanking before I even think about why.
We’ve had instances when I would spank and it had no effect so I would spank again and again until things finally went my way. Now I want to spank harder and longer, hoping that the first time is enough to make things the way I want them.
I’ve tried to stay calm but things escalate and I’m back to hard spanks.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle the anger? Or help me know where to spank that won’t cause damage?
I’d honestly prefer to never spank at all. I just feel I have no other option. I don’t want to get to the point where it becomes abuse cause I love her. She can be stubborn and withstand lots of pain, just to prove that what I’m doing won’t work. But later she is hurting and is wondering why I am spanking her so much.
I know she has every right to express her feelings. I feel like I’m so caught up in this new lifestyle that it’s getting out of hand.

Guess you should just give up

I'd suggest non-physical punishments if you do them at all, and couples counseling. Allowing your anger to drive you to physically harming someone is a straight path to abuse. It forms neural pathways in the brain that can cause you to keep coming back for the feeling of emotional release, venting your anger/frustration. The neural pathways get more groved and form a habit or reflex response. If you are going to do physical adult punishment, you have GOT to be in control of yourself, and it MUST be consentual. Otherwise it is abuse. I'm sure you are at your wits end to make your wife's behavior stop, but DD done improperly is damaging for both people and your relationship. It's not for everyone. I know I am not an HOH, and am trying to say this with the utmost respect and understanding. Refraining from physical punishment doesn't make her behavior ok. It's not. She needs to grow up. But you can't force that. She has to want to change and stop treating you this way. A licenced professional counselor can help you to find strategies to deal with your anger and also to have productive conversations with your wife. There is absolutely no shame in it. I believe it is an honorable thing, to invest in your marriage in this way. I really hope you guys can work this out together.

-ML

Led in love by Phil04, and learning to submit by the Grace of God. Naturally submissive, but not perfectly so, I am praying for a pure heart and virtuous character.

Following up on what ML said. Punishment in general is about behavior change. You are trying to shift the risk/reward equation to discourage the behavior. Punishment should never be about you. It should always be about your wife, and her actions. If you find yourself angry because a rule was broken, either change the punishment to something non-physical, or wait until you have calmed down before administering the punishment. ML has found herself standing nose in the corner once or twice while I re-composed myself.

More addressing your specific situation. Your wife is a grown woman, if she does not want to change her behavior, and does not care that it bothers you, it will be very hard to get her to change. Especially if the spankings bring out her stubborn side. I would recommend talking with her (if you haven't already) and if that does not work, I recommend seeing a marriage councilor. If both those options fail, your two options, 1) choice to tolerate her actions, or 2) leave.

Following up on what ML said. Punishment in general is about behavior change. You are trying to shift the risk/reward equation to discourage the behavior. Punishment should never be about you. It should always be about your wife, and her actions. If you find yourself angry because a rule was broken, either change the punishment to something non-physical, or wait until you have calmed down before administering the punishment. ML has found herself standing nose in the corner once or twice while I re-composed myself.

More addressing your specific situation. Your wife is a grown woman, if she does not want to change her behavior, and does not care that it bothers you, it will be very hard to get her to change. Especially if the spankings bring out her stubborn side. I would recommend talking with her (if you haven't already) and if that does not work, I recommend seeing a marriage councilor. If both those options fail, your two options, 1) choice to tolerate her actions, or 2) leave.

Hey everyone. We are not really in a DD relationship as most people on here are but spanking has recently become a large part of our lives. When my wife was angry and/or hurting, sHe would pester me until I snapped. When she did I would spank her. She isn’t enjoying it because she is in pain but it doesn’t stop her from continuing her behaviour. The more she does things to upset me, the harder I spank. It’s gotten to a point where she is in a lot of pain and is scared of me.
Now I revert to spanking everytime things aren’t going the way I want them to. I’m constantly spanking for minor reasons and spanking before I even think about why.
We’ve had instances when I would spank and it had no effect so I would spank again and again until things finally went my way. Now I want to spank harder and longer, hoping that the first time is enough to make things the way I want them.
I’ve tried to stay calm but things escalate and I’m back to hard spanks.
Does anyone have any ideas of how to handle the anger? Or help me know where to spank that won’t cause damage?
I’d honestly prefer to never spank at all. I just feel I have no other option. I don’t want to get to the point where it becomes abuse cause I love her. She can be stubborn and withstand lots of pain, just to prove that what I’m doing won’t work. But later she is hurting and is wondering why I am spanking her so much.
I know she has every right to express her feelings. I feel like I’m so caught up in this new lifestyle that it’s getting out of hand.

Guess you should just give up

I'd suggest non-physical punishments if you do them at all, and couples counseling. Allowing your anger to drive you to physically harming someone is a straight path to abuse. It forms neural pathways in the brain that can cause you to keep coming back for the feeling of emotional release, venting your anger/frustration. The neural pathways get more groved and form a habit or reflex response. If you are going to do physical adult punishment, you have GOT to be in control of yourself, and it MUST be consentual. Otherwise it is abuse. I'm sure you are at your wits end to make your wife's behavior stop, but DD done improperly is damaging for both people and your relationship. It's not for everyone. I know I am not an HOH, and am trying to say this with the utmost respect and understanding. Refraining from physical punishment doesn't make her behavior ok. It's not. She needs to grow up. But you can't force that. She has to want to change and stop treating you this way. A licenced professional counselor can help you to find strategies to deal with your anger and also to have productive conversations with your wife. There is absolutely no shame in it. I believe it is an honorable thing, to invest in your marriage in this way. I really hope you guys can work this out together.

Whether you have a DD style marriage or not, if you're going to be the dom, you need to be the adult - the one with self-control, good judgment, and an even temper. I realize that our spouse's are uniquely able to push our buttons and set us off - it happens to all of us at one time or another. But nothing good can come of it. You won't command any real authority or earn the respect of your spouse by behaving like a short-tempered ogre. Count to 10, give yourself corner time, take a deep breath, meditate, whatever you have to do. Take this advice for what it's worth from another short-tempered guy (me). I know it's not easy, but you have to do it. Seriously.