April 8, 2010

the California english Dreaming goth, Los Angeles--I'm yours

i don't know why i'm listening to led zeppelin again. it's reminiscent of middle school and early high school and those long, vacation road trips. also brighton.

i'm seriously starting to long for home, disappointingly pining for Los Angeles. I fucking miss burritos and trader joe's truffle bread and target. my god--no target makes me miserable..there's so much to see and do there. it's the browsing i miss the most. my experience here hasn't been overwhelmingly awful; i'm not really regretting going across the ocean to teach. being in korea isn't such a difficult transition. it harnesses memories of youth and uncomfortableness i constantly feel (usually on a weekly basis in the homeland). i always feel stressed, however, and generally uncertain. one thing i'm most upset about: the boy selection. i mean, there isn't much cuteness to my preference. to be frank, i don't much care for korean or most asian guys in general..oh my, i feel a little bit horrible for saying that. i mean, the kind of guys here are just....not what i want. i have no intention of staying here for a long ass time, although there is a possibility of returning for work in the future, and, to be really, really, really, really honest...since i'm already mixed, like, already korean, so what's the point in trying to keep everything the same? if or when i choose to procreate the future, i'll be looking for someone who's ideally on opposite ends of the spectrum (mm, euro-asian). i just want a serious blend. that's for the long term, bordering on however long forever might last. short term...i don't really care as long as he's cute (scraggly beard, sad eyes, and equally fancy hands included?). probably asking for too much here....also so not sure if any attempts of transitory relationships should develop. eh. the options are just..eghhh.