Today in idiotic crime news: One thief has been experimenting with some creative strategies for transporting stolen goods. The man was caught on surveillance tape outside of the JK Kabab House in North Side, Chicago attempting a late night heist of 384 pounds of marinated meat. The restaurant estimates about an $800 loss from the theft.

Observe as the man drags, heaves, balances, and all-around struggles with his meaty haul, resourcefully using both a bicycle and a shopping cart. You have to question what he’s going to do with all that meat. Maybe make the world’s largest burger? We sure hope so.