Tuesday, April 29, 2008

no motivationlow aspirationsno goalswalking upright but leaning slightly to the leftthe chosen path is in front of me but I'm headed to the detourI hear its Mo' Money, Mo' ProblemsWell I know money, so No ProblemExcellence is a habit, not a practiceA new life is born but you will never catch me sleepingA woman of my actions, Fuck WordsHardly believe what I see and definitely none of what I heardPlanning my escape routeI'm not trapped but still looking for a way outMirror Mirror, take a picture and rememberIn due time all is wellbut for now Imma failReaching the goal is getting too oldI can't seem to see the light for all these treesMy mind is in its own sceneBut its definitely not a sequel to what my eyes have seenA creative typeLooking to go left cause for me that seems rightNot one for following excess rulesLiving life to my standard is the only optionNo A, B, or CJust I, Myself and Me.

I went and got the paint, the paintbrushes, my box of crayons and colored pencils, and a few other things that I maybe would use to create beautiful art on my Munny, who I will give a name soon.

So I turn it over and draw on the foot to see how each supply of creativity I have will work. I don't like how dull the crayon and colored pencils look, so I X'd them out early in the game. So then I moved on to my paint and realized that watercolor WILL NOT WORK. So I begin searching for my box of acrylic paints that obviously no longer exists because I could not find it.

And now I am back to square one. Damn. Who knows when I will have the time and the want to start on this Munny again. I guess the effort is worth something. But even worse, I have to replenish my art supplies. But I think Im actually going to use markers to decorate it. Maybe a little paint here and there, but the one marker that came with the Munny worked very well so I think Im sold on the marker idea.

And now that I think about it, I used to have a box full of markers somewhere in this house of mine. God only knows where they are though. Oh well, better luck next time.

Monday, April 28, 2008

I received a package today, and was thinking "Who the hell would be sending me something?" So I'm looking at the packing slip and noticed that it said KidRobot on it. And then I knew exactly what it was and remembered exactly who sent it to me. So with that said...

Brandi, I LOVE YOU!!! Do you know I was JUST THINKING TODAY that I need to buy that Munny I've been wanting? LOL. I can't say Thank you enough. I really can't. This is great. I really appreciate things like this because you didn't have to do it AT ALL. For me, some of the greatest gifts I have ever received came unexpectedly, and for no reason at all. And this is one of them. So again THANK YOU GIRL!!!! Now I can't promise when that Munny will get done, lol. When Im not busy, I'm being lazy, and vice versa, but as soon as I have my finished product, I will be sure to let you know.

THANX, THANX, THANX........THANX ALOT BRANDI!!! ( I had to say it one more time)

Beginning next Tuesday, Shvarts will be displaying her senior art project, a documentation of a nine-month process during which she artificially inseminated herself “as often as possible” while periodically taking abortifacient drugs to induce miscarriages. Her exhibition will feature video recordings of these forced miscarriages as well as preserved collections of the blood from the process....(link to read the rest)

And they are actually gonna allow her to do this experiment, project, whatever you want to call it, and it will be displayed in the Senior Art show at Yale University. Now I understand the whole "freedom of speech, freedom of this, freedom of that," but beyond that, this is crazy. I'm not outraged, nor am I without any feeling, but all I could think of when I read about this was, "I am not surprised, the world is going crazy"

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I love going to Kanye's blog to see the stuff that he finds and puts up. I did this once before but I think I'm going to start doing it more often. There is this design site I like to visit and it has all kinds of crazy gadgets and inventions. So here is my Kanye for the day...

A Cube that Doubles as a Dining Set.

Salt & Pepper Shaker Cigarettes. The Only Cigarettes I would allow in my house.

Don't you hate when it rains and all the seats outside are wet? Well with this Rolling Bench all you have to do is roll it on the other side and theres a nice dry seat waiting for you.

A microwave that doubles as a toaster. Designed by LG. Kinda cool, it looks like something Doc (from Back to the Future) would have made though.

I talked about finally starting to write my novel that I started on about a year ago. I was 8 pages in then, and at this current moment, I am still 8 pages in. I have no excuse either. But right now, that novel is the LAST THING on my mind, only because its so much other shit that I have to be worried about right now. School (BLAH!), work, and other things that take up too much time in my life at the moment.

But if things go how they should for the summer, I definitely won't have anytime to even think about beginning to start writing. School (BLAH) is basically gonna take over my life for the summer and I'm doing everything in my power to try and make it as pleasant as possible, which is almost impossible but whatever.

Good things though. I'm suppose to be working at Bonnaroo in June and for the 2nd time at Lollapalooza this summer. Hopefully I can do that, you know, build my resume some more so when the day comes that I walk across that Stage (if I even participate in the ceremony), I will have some type of experience doing something.

Hopefully this summer won't be as terrible as I expect it to be...(SIGH)

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

So I've been tagged, and as much as I don't want to follow the rules, I will.

Here are the rules:

1. link the person who tagged you. RAW DAWG BUFFALO2. mention the rules in your blog…3. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours4. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them.5.leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged

Six Unspectacular Quirks of Mine

- I cannot stand for doors, cabinets, drawers, or anything of that sort to be left open. I HAVE to close them.

- I like reading the dictionary. But I have a terrible memory when it comes to actually remembering what words mean. But I can spell real well. I won third place in my school districts school-wide spelling bee when I was in 5th grade. The only winner from elementary school. The 1st and 2nd place were from middle and high school. I got out on the word 'propulsion.'

- I hate College. HATE IT. I feel that it owns me. I can't escape it. It seems as if it won't end. EVER. And I feel as if Im the only person in the world who doesn't give a fuck whether I have a degree or not.

- I hate spit, and anything slimy. And one of my biggest fears is being thrown up on by someone.

- I am the Golden child of my family. I'm the person that everybody in my family knows, no matter what, they can come to me for anything. And I will do whatever it is they ask me to do, if its in reason. Which is a gift and a curse, because Im always expected to do anything asked of me, whether I can or not, and if I don't do one little thing, Ive changed and I'm different.

- I can drink vodka or Patron shots straight ALL DAY, but the minute I drink anything fruity (such as Bacardi) or any type of mixed drink, I get sick and will probably throw up at the end of the night.

Monday, April 21, 2008

I hate the norm. I hate doing stuff because everybody else is doing it. I like to do stuff for me. Tracing is for losers. I want to live my life.

My mindset right now is kinda crazy. I feel like I'm settling down for some STRANGE reason. I'm becoming more and more content with alot of things. I know what I want. At least I think I do. I've finally made it over that hump. REALLY THIS TIME. And I'm at a point where my decisions I make will probably not dictate the rest of my life, but they are EXTREMELY IMPORTANT at this moment. More important than anything else that is really just trivial in my life at this point. And its not all about having fun but moreso about being happy. Really being independent. Really being me.

No more tracing for me (or really in my case, doing what everybody else THINKS I should do), Im painting pictures. And whether anybody else thinks my pictures are good enough to be put on their walls, I'll like them. No, I'll LOVE THEM. You live and you learn. If it doesn't work out, its only a mistake, a misfortune, a monkeywrench thrown, a minor setback. I'll continue to keep it moving. I always do. Things done on my time are always MUCH BETTER....

Friday, April 18, 2008

Today it was HOT AS FUCK OUTSIDE. I don't think I'm gonna be prepared for this summer. I hate being hot and sweaty for no reason. And just stepping outside to go to my car and getting all hot and sweaty is definitley no reason. Theres only one reason for being hot and sweaty thats a GOOD, maybe even GREAT reason...(think about it LOL)

I'm watching Celebrity Fit Club: Boot Camp, and Erin Moran just simulated an orgasm in front of EVERYBODY on the show after a drunken night. I LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE, you can always count on them for a Good Laugh.

I had a fairly pleasant conversation with a "friend" today. The first one in a long time, even though I talk to him just about everyday. Hopefully we can continue on this trend of pleasant conversations instead of the usual conversations that end with me saying, "FUCK HIM!"

Its funny how everybody claims to miss me, yet the moment I come home, I see NO SIGNS OF IT AT ALL. No calls, no visits, no nothing. WHY DID I COME HOME AGAIN??? Somebody PLEASE let me know because I've been planning my return back to DC/MD since I got home.

Yeah Right!!!

I've planned what I want to do for my birthday this year. Since I didn't have the Grand extravaganza I wanted to have for my 21st Birthday, I think this year I plan to have a "21 AGAIN" celebration for my Birthday. I'm going to party as if I officially became truly legal since I missed out the first time. And when I say Celebration, I mean CELEBRATION!!!! The only thing now is I need about $2,500-$5,000 to really do it how I want to. So yeah, Imma grind this summer and let my birthday be the payoff for it all. Can't Wait. Its gonna be RIDICULOUS. If you can make it, I suggest you do, cause when I party, I PARTY!!!! Guaranteed GOOD TIME!!!!

Strippers maybe? Maybe not the female ones so much, but hey, why not? The wilder, the better. You only turn 21 twice ONCE...LOL

Its funny cause I came here to talk about something I was thinking about but have completely forgot what it was in all this other randomness. LOL. Guess it wasn't really THAT important. But as Im writing randomnly, I wonder who reads this blog. I bet nobody because I think I write to much. Thats why I tried to include pictures to break up the words.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Well for one, I just got back from MD the other day, and am already feeling homesick, as if Maryland was my actual home. Its crazy. But thats not even the feeling I'm talking about...

Today I had to check up on some shit dealing with school, and I can say that EVERY SINGLE TIME, I have to do anything dealing with school, it puts me in a bad mood. And I eventually come to the conclusion that I fuckng hate school and feel as though I will NEVER finish.

I've come to terms with the fact that I fucked up and SHOULD be graduating in a few weeks, but at this point, thats neither here nor there. But what I can't seem to come to terms with is I have at least 3 semesters of bullshit to go. A little more than a year to go. And the thought of that is making me want to cry. A year is by no means a long time, that is the only plus to my dilemma. But another year of hating school, and having to GO TO SCHOOL is whats gonna feel like death. I HATE having to do stuff. And yes, I know I don't have to go to school, but if you noted in a previous post, Im getting my degree for my mother, Not me.

I know I can do it. I will do it. But everytime I even begin thinking about school, I feel like a black cloud surrounds me and the closer I get to having to start school again, my world feels like its going to come crashing down. I feel like I'm in Limbo and Im going to be stuck in school for what will seem like forever even though I know it won't be. (SIGH)

I just don't know what to do at this point. I know what I need to do, but in order to savor a small amount of happiness I need to compromise. I had been preparing myself for summer school ever since January because I knew I would eventually have to go. But right now, Im thinking of any and ever way I can avoid it at all costs. I have plans for the summer that don't include me living on campus, going to class every day, suffering, because summers are for fun. NOT FOR SCHOOL. And as much as I may need to go, I refuse. Im going to see what I could do. I wish I was rich and could just pay somebody to go to class and do my work for me and I just collect that piece of paper at the end of it.

Let me stop because the more I write about it, the more sad it makes me. I thought this would help but I guess I have to much to say, and its only bringing up more hatred that I have for school. So I'm Out. Maybe tomorrow will be better. (SIGH)

Friday, April 11, 2008

I'll be leaving you sometime in the next couple of days and its going to be so bittersweet. I miss my family at home but I'm definitely going to miss being up here with you. Its crazy. I wanna go home but then I don't want to leave you. I have so much fun up here but I know when I get home its gonna be a different feeling. At home, I do EVERYTHING. But here I don't have to drive everywhere, everybody doesn't expect me to plan everything and pull shit together. I don't have so much pressure, even though its not pressure that I can't handle or pressure to do something that I have to do, because I don't, but still. With you, I can basically sit back and chill ALL DAY if I wanted to, but at home, not so much. But whatever, all good things must come to an end right? I will be back though. SOON. Maybe even for Good one day. But don't miss me too much because I'll miss you enough for the both of us.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

So I was leaving the nail salon with my younger cousin, age 16, and we were at a stop light and saw this black man with braids in his hair wearing wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, and my cousin proceeds to say

Cousin: "Now he suppose to be professional, he needs to take those braids out and cut his hair"

Me: "Why?"

Cousin: "Because you're not suppose to have braids if you have a professional job"

And this is where I commence to get on my soapbox...

Me: "See, thats what the system wants you to believe. Just because he has braids has nothing to do with the work that he is capable of doing. They want you to conform. They want you to be JUST like them. Its all a trap. (yelling out the window) Keep Your Hair...

And then as Im talking, a crazy ass looking white man walks across the street wearing a suit and holding a briecase...

Me: "Now look at the crazy ass looking white man. I bet nobody ever told his ass he should change his face cause he look crazy as hell. Fuck that, Im hiring the black guy cause at least he don't look like he'd come shoot everybody in the office if he got laid off.

Seventeen Daily Freebie

My Mantras

"Sleeping is for Dreamers"- Megan "A red soled shoe doesn't mean they're Louboutins" Translation: Separate the real from the fake.- Megan"I am what I repeatedly do. Therefore my flyness is not an act, but a habit"- Aristotle and Megan"When you are too focused on what you don't have, you won't have."- Kanye West, Thank You and You're Welcome

"It is a golden rule from day one that you must put others before yourself. I believe this to be true, but as the second verse says, if you don't first look out for yourself, then you'll never be able to help anyone else. Self-preservation is actually in my opinion a big contributor to society." -Andrew Marlin, "The Rabbit"

"The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but we wait so long to begin it" "Sure Books can Guide you, but your heart defines you"- Jay-Z"Life ain't meant to come around twice, thats why I gotta get it right"- Lupe Fiasco"When people show you who they are, Believe them""You're better off in no relationship, than a bad relationship"