'Sharknado 2' life lessons: 10 things learned from 'The Second One'

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Obviously, “Sharknado 2: The Second One” is a brilliant cinematic achievement that will go down through the ages as high entertainment. But did you know that there are valuable life skills to be learned from the movie as well?

There are. And here are 10 of the most important.

1. Never bang impatiently on a bathroom door. The punishment for that is being eaten by a shark that falls through the roof. Surely it’s better to hold it?

2. If sharks are flying through the air at your plane, try to aim so that those creatures hit the wings rather than the engines or the windshield. Engines explode, and windshields get covered by shark guts. When sharks hit the wings, on the other hand, they just bounce off.

3. Trust Matt Lauer and Al Roker — they can make anything sound serious. Even a sharknado.

4. Your average sharknado shark remains aloft for a minimum of 18 hours, especially after swallowing an arm. Plan accordingly.

5. Never underestimate the graphics available to The Weather Channel when it is necessary to illustrate the dangers of a storm.

6. When in doubt, go to a pizza place.

7. New Yorkers are more likely to have pitchforks available than either guns or chainsaws. It’s best not to ask why these same New Yorkers have pitchforks.

8. 2 x 2 = 5 when sharknadoes are involved.

9. Never try to hook-up with your old high-school boyfriend, even if he is divorced and shows no actual emotion for his ex-wife. Not only will he refuse you, but he will barely notice when you give up your life in an act of heroism, only to be electrocuted and then bitten in half by a flying shark.