TOUR CROATIA IN STYLE ON YOUR OWN 100FT TURKISH GULET

QUEEN OF THE ADRIATIC | SPLIT, CROATIA

[SPLIT, CROATIA] — I knew she would be big. I had no idea she’d be THIS big.

It was the pictures that got me first.
Our awesome travel agent Ginny had been sending me pics of boats all over. “We want something cool” I’d said, these are my best friends. “Can you find a Turkish gulet in Croatia?” I’d seen gulets in Greece, so much better than a typical sailboat. I liked how they’re all built around a big broad dining table straddling across the back, not everyone scrunched in a tight cockpit all the time.

There were only a few gulets in Croatia, she found: Awesome boat. Awesome boat. “But THIS one…” Ginny teased. “Oh.My.God.” I became That Guy, the one who talked 11 others to put their lives on hold and go do this. “We gotta do this!.” I was freaked out, the pressure of all these people coming all the way to Croatia because I promised them something grand.

We all met up in Split, coming from five cities, canceled flights, some clothesless from long lost luggage (more pressure); others, giddy. “Go the harbor at the hotel, the boat will be there, you will see it.” Seriously, no number or anything?
Our small army walked down the planks, dragging luggage and hats; turned the corner of the dock and…. there she was. Queen of the Adriatic. “Holy shit! That’s ours? For a week?!?”

We all met up in Split, coming from five cities, canceled flights, some clothesless from long lost luggage (more pressure); others, giddy. “Go the harbor at the hotel, the boat will be there, you will see it.” Seriously, no number or anything?Our small army walked down the planks, dragging luggage and hats; turned the corner of the dock and…. there she was. Queen of the Adriatic. “Holy shit! That’s ours? For a week?!?”

Sure, you may have backpacked there earlier and did The Route. Split. Hvar. Dubrovnik. Maybe you drank your ears and bikini tops off during the well-conceived juggernaut that is Yacht Week. But now it’s time to go back and experience Croatia in a whole new way.

This is what you need to do: Get your own boat.

Last July my best friends and I chartered a big sailboat to bump around the thousands of islands of Croatia. It was amazing. Bringing their college age kids along made it even more fun.

Normally you find these beasts only in Turkey or Greece, but few in Croatia. Even has a crew of four, including a chef and masseuse; five bedrooms, each with their own bathroom.

Looks expensive, but when you have a bunch a people, not that much more than doing the hotel thing.

This is the route we took on Queen of the Adriatic. Zig-zagging the calm flat water between the hundreds of islands off the coast of Croatia, Saturday to Saturday, working our way from Split to Dubrovnik. But it’s your boat and you can choose wherever you want to go. To quote legendary hippie painter Bob Ross* “We don’t really know where this goes — and I’m not sure we really care.” “Just let go — and fall like a little waterfall.”

The first thing you realize once you’re on Queen of the Adriatic is just how damn big it is. 100 feet long and I don’t know how many wide, you could have a three-kid Big Wheel race around the decks of this thing. What makes gulets different is this right here. The Big Table. The whole ship is built around it. And for the next week, our whole vacation will be anchored here. Gulets are not really sailers, you pretty much motor all the time. But they sit high above the water, their big square backs open wide to host this big table. Twelve peeps reading the NYTimes arms-wide could fit around it, easily.

She’s pretty from every angle.

This was my favorite spot to be on Queen of the Adriatic. Out front on the prow, leaning into the waves. Looking back, smiling. Wind drying off the swim. Heaven. I think everyone must have been napping at this time, shame I wasn’t. That’s my best friend Neil, who does not nap. He’s a fit beast and can still rock those cool Osklen board shorts he picked up 14 years ago in Rio when his family lived there. Asshole. It was cool because his little kids that taught me to snorkel and schwimbob off schooners of the coasts of Angra dos Reis and Paraty in Brasil were with us here on this trip, on this, a different schooner. But now, years later, we’re all drinking beer together. What a blast life is.

Mornings are the best in Croatia. But then again, afternoons are pretty good, too. Oh… and sunsets. Nevermind. Croatia is good.

Every day begins like this on Queen of the Adriatic. The boat is yours for the week, no real itinerary except where you want to go next. It’s up to you. But breakfast, that was my favorite part. I was usually six shots of espresso in by the time these pillowheads got up each day. Our man Igor on the left feeding us endless amounts of local bread, yoghurt and Croatian honey. And coffee, to get our sails blowing. In entirety, this big boat is expensive to charter. But when you divide it by 12, now we’re talking something worth every penny. A crew of four, including a chef, Igor’s coffee, and daily massages. Gas, transportation and port fees. Nearly everything is included. Two bountiful gourmet meals a day, an open bar, day and night. You carry your house on your back, so no need for hotels each night.

Don’t mind us, we’ll just slip in riiiight here for the night… We were too big to be in the main harbor of Hvar, so we anchored a couple of coves away, our own private paradise.

Context is everything. It’s hard to get a sense of scale how big a 100ft gulet really is when you’re on it. “I’m going to go jump off.” It’s not until you really get out there on that prow thingy that you realize how high up you really are. Knees shaking. Shrinkage. The slightest little boat rock and you plant your feet like a tossed cat. All that training as a kid off the high dive at the local pool seems for not. You bounced better then.

The rising sun. Coffee. Not a single wave. The neighbors and the pillowheads downstairs still sleeping. All quiet except the trees, speaking loudly. Nothing beats being on your own boat. Except being on your own boat in Croatia.

Same cove. Same dawn. Other side of the boat. Mljet. (Which is just a blast to say out loud. Especially with beer… which, miraculously, makes one more fluent.)

Heading to dinner. My favorite thing to do — well, other than every other part of the day on the boat. At 33 meters long, Queen of the Adriatic is about twice as long as even the biggest sailboats you can charter. Which means you can’t just tie up in port, cheek-by-jowl next the other dozens of boats. You have to anchor with the big boys outside the small harbors. We saw that as a plus. Freshly showered and some happy hour buzz strapped on, few things were as fun as taking off to shore each night, giddy to explore a new town. The dinghy is small, so we had to do it Navy SEAL style and send the first reconnaissance team ahead to start scoping out the town and figure out where to eat. Others would follow on the next wave. Each town a little different, each restaurant offering a special experience. Always sitting outside, under the fresh air and ice cold Karlovačkos, the twelve of us often splitting a single huge grilled fish caught that day. Once pleasantly watered and fed, our Recovery Team, Bruno the Chef, would slip in under the cover of darkness to pick us up and sneak us back out again. Out there, bobbin’, grinning at the full moon.

The water. I can’t say enough about the color and clarity of the water in Croatia. Italy is beautiful, but the trashy shores you see are disappointing. Here. Clear as a bell, nearly everywhere we went.

This was my favorite spot to be on Queen of the Adriatic. Out front on the prow, leaning into the waves. Looking back, smiling. Wind drying off the swim. Heaven.

Talented photographer and graphic designer @evantarry was the first to figure out the right technique. Run and jump, don’t stand and worry. Just make it happen. That’s pretty much how he approaches life now…

After the first day, the scariness of high-jumping off the boat quickly washed away. Soon, these guys started finding higher things to jump off, almost from the giant masts. Every time you looked out a window there was a body flying by. It looked like that scene from “Magnolia” where it started raining frogs.

This is pretty much the agenda all week when you’re on Queen of the Adriatic: Coffee Breakfast Coffee Pull up anchor Bow ride to the next deserted cove Schwimbob Lunch Nap Pull up anchor and head to next village Beer me Schwimbob Shower Cocktails Dinghy to dinner Cocktails Sleep Repeat.

The first thing you realize once you’re on Queen of the Adriatic is just how damn big it is. 100 feet long and I don’t know how many wide, you could have a three-kid Big Wheel race around the decks of this thing. What makes gulets different is this right here. The Big Table. The whole ship is built around it. And for the next week, our whole vacation will be anchored here. Gulets are not really sailers, you pretty much motor all the time. But they sit high above the water, their big square backs open wide to host this big table. Twelve peeps reading the NYTimes arms-wide could fit around it, easily. That’s our master captain Ogi behind the wheel (not used for scale). He’s one small, wiry and wily sailing dude, who has a sixth sense for the wind, the waves and any Italians on the water for miles. He has History with them. “All it takes is one Italian on a boat to fuck up everything …”

A perfect sunset every night. I loved how there are no bugs in Croatia. I hate bugs. Not a single bite all week.

Just peachy.

Like Bart Simpson, sunsets never get old.

She’s a beauty. (Humans used for scale). Queen of the Adriatic is awesome. Google her. We fit twelve of us on here, three doubles and two triple cabins, each with its own head. Plus a crew of four, including a chef and masseuse. Good lordy, what a week. Highly recommend.

The great thing about being on your own boat is that you load-in once, but arrive in a different place every day. No hotels. No suitcases. No “Let’s all meet in the lobby.” It’s like a constantly moving villa. The portal is your TV, changing channels every hour.

Pulling up anchor in the morning

Bluey.

The good thing about having your own boat is you can go anywhere and do anything at your own pace and tempo. That’s the very well-conceived Yacht Week going on over there. Oh man, if this were around when I was 28…😬 🎏 🍻 👺 😺 🕶 ⚡️ 🍾 🎉 👙❗️. (Or as @butnodessert says: ✔️) We were all schwimbobbing around in our own private cove when all of sudden two Baker’s Dozens of sailboats showed up and tied up, with their beer, bikinis, flags, cranking music and ironic floaty toys. Music going onst-onst-onst. Our peaceful paradise was interrupted with a commercial break for the next episode of Big Brother. It was fun to watch for a while, but we soon pulled up anchor and went to find our own peaceful cove for the night…. although I do believe the consensus of the menfolk was we wished we had more binoculars. 🔭 🐵🙈🙉. These guys look like a pack of lounging cheetahs, waiting for the wildebeest to wear themselves out…

Mljet was our next stop. A national park where you park in a quiet cove and go inland to visit crystal clear inland lakes.

This was our route. Croatia is made up of thousands of islands. We left Split, needing to dock in Dubrovnik in one week’s time. That was our only itinerary, the rest was up to us. Free to poke around, or hang around, any island in between.

Queen of the Adriatic has six cabins. Four doubles and two triples, so there’s plenty of room for a lot of people. The triples are great for throwing in a bunch of kids, or a little extra room for couples. Each cabin has it’s own bathroom, head and showers. Pack light, you won’t need much. I spent almost four days in a swimsuit. Then you just shower up and boat into town and find somewhere cool to eat.