Wednesday, July 06, 2011

While other baseball organizations treat bloggers like a ne'er-do-well cousin who hits you up for cash at every family function...

... the Dodgers, even in the midst of a year best described as "complicated," still reaches out to the Blogger community for their now highly anticipated annual event. Since SoSG Orel is currently residing in a Turkish prison and Karros waits six nights a week for his big chance to understudy Timon in Lion King, I was fortunate enough to join SoSG Sax for a night of hot dogs, gift bags, and Mets/Dodgers baseball from one of the best seats in the house.

As even our densest readers know (I'm looking at you, Dusty:-), my allegiances are split between lifelong anguish (the Mets) and the more low grade anemia that is the Dodgers.

I opted not to wear any Mets or Dodgers gear, though it didn't take too long for my allegiances to come out (and my fellow Bloggers to consider flinging me over the balcony).

In the interest of anonymity, Saxy MF and I kept our real faces from the view of all the commoners outside the stadium.

We got our first celeb sighting in a day full of them.

After being told to park by the Top Deck, we were forced to walk down several flights of stairs. Apparently, the SoSG Sax name does not instill enough fear into the hearts of security guards.

Eventually we found our ways inside, and our livers found their way to salvation. Despite my begging, a Large Beer does not come in bucket size.

We still made do.

We arrived at the suite, only to discover that we were the only ones WEARING SHORTS. (Big thanks to Sax for that one).

I know those Bloggers were mocking us all night about our knees and/or ankles.

Before the game, we had a surprise guest. Andre Ethier who turned his voice into sound waves.

The always human form of Ron Cey regaled us with his views on the modern state of baseball and those members of the Dodger organization who attempt to pull a financial mutiny.

But nothing could prepare us for Al "The Bull" Ferrara.

Al Ferrara was an outfielder who once played piano at Carnegie Hall. He was a Los Angeles Dodger in the days of Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale, and Tommy Davis. He appeared in a number of television shows and movies, sometimes along with teammate Jim Lefebvre.

He really could give Tommy Lasorda a run for his money. I especially enjoyed his non-ironic - and thus exceedingly ironic - line: "we didn't know about the bloggers when I played." Apparently, the Bloggers were a well-kept secret back in the 60s.

I could have listened to him all day. A Brooklyn native like my parents, who got to actually play with the Dodgers in LA. (Unlike my parents, who just hated them forever when they left).

Gene Simmons threw out the first pitch. Though I'd rather not touch any object that touched his hand, he did throw an honest strike over the plate.

Gene Simmons, holding what we can only hope is a baseball.

The game itself held little of the excitement of suite life, non-stop hot dogs, rubbing elbows with the best Dodger Bloggers out there, and making sure I was not shivved for cheering on a newly revived Jason Bay (who recently learned he got paid very well to hit a round ball with a round bat).

The only real tension to be found was around the stadium. Including the row of disgruntled fans...Two Martins and a Beast Mode.

A possible Chelsea Handler sighting.

The fan who caught a shattered bat, only to have it confiscated cause it's a weapon.

The mystery of what the hell they were doing in the suite next to ours.

Was it Risk? Stratego? A Bond villain?

Then there was the moment when Sax DID NOT HAVE HIS IPAD!!!

And the arrival of the dessert cart, which had tongues wagging... until we discovered it was not free.

At game's end, Sax and I were the last bloggers standing with the few remaining gift bags. So if anyone needs one of the following, solve one of Sax's ferkakta puzzles.

All in all, another spectacular evening at Dodger Stadium. The Bloggers were in rare form. Alas, the Dodgers were not.

THANKS TO JOSH, AMY, RON, THE VOICE OF ANDRE, AND FORMER BATMAN VILLAIN "TRAPDOOR" for giving us digital, after-hour warriors such a terrific night.

The next suite was clearly building a plan of action on top of a Dodger Stadium field level seating chart. Based on the Chelsea Handler seating position which appears to correspond with a red marker, I surmise that color indicate seat holders targeted for immediate termination (with extreme prejudice). Green most likely indicates the attractive people to be invited up to the suite for the post game "party." Blue, gold and gray are probably targets of mini-games. Like each pair of blue is being subjected to a Randolph and Mortimer inspired game of trading places. The lonesome gold seat is about to experience the wrath of a cybernetic pigeon. Grays are probable having their cars towed to a chop shop so Frank can cover next week's payroll.