Al-Qaeda launches English website

Terror group Al-Qaeda is about to launch an English webpage after the “success” of its British and US minions at doing its bidding.

Apparently parking a car in the centre of Times Square with fertiliser and a bomb that would never go off is just the sort of terrorist that Al-Qaeda wants, and what better place to find them than the world wide wibble.

The terror groups first online propaganda newspaper in English is called Inspire, with animated online graphics promising a “special gift to the Islamic nation”.

Counterterrorism officials and terror analysts say it will be run by al-Qaeda’s branch in Yemen. It was the same group that came up with the idea of Western civilisation collapsing thanks to a bloke setting fire to his underpants on a Christmas Day flight.

Fox News said that it is because al-Qaeda’s core has been weakened by CIA drone airstrikes, the group hopes to broaden its reach inside the US.

However, in comparison to recruits in Pakistan and Iraq, the standard of English speaking recruits is fairly abysmal as can be seen by the success of their attacks. The best that could happen is that the terror group could recruit more idiots who might increase the paranoia of the US and UK.

The idea of using such cannon fodder is the brain child of Anwar al-Awlaki, who was born in the US, and gives online sermons in English. Apparently he is being interviewed for the webpage’s first edition.