Schadenfreude. The word does not mean “spoiler of a perfect record” but that is what it did.

I’ve had a love/hate relationship with Reader’s Digest’s “It Pays to Increase Your Word Power” for as long as I’ve read the magazine, a time that dates back to my pre-teens. I love testing my vocabularic (a word you won’t find in the magazine) prowess and I hate it that I always get a one or two wrong. I am fairly confident that sometime in my life I must have earned a 100% on their little quiz but I cannot remember the actual event (which does not mean it did not happen—I don’t remember leaving the engine running in the Wal-Mart parking lot either and that certainly did happen) and I want to be able to state, with certainty, that I aced their test. After all, life is the stories you can tell. So every month, without fail, I take the test and without fail, I fail to get 100%.

June’s edition featured the most frequently searched words on the Merriam-Webster website in 2012. The list started with “paradigm”. YES!! “Paradigm shift” was a catch phrase in my 20’s (which was NOT in the 1920’s!!); I knew that word. One for one; I was on a roll! “Malarkey”, “ubiquitous” and “hypocrite” were easy though “louche” gave me pause—louche people should give you pause too—but I choose the correct answer. Being “didactic” is natural for me; naturally I got it right. Getting “abeit” and “holistic” correct led me to “insidious”, “camaraderie” and “touché”. Eleven of eleven correct and going strong! “Conundrum” wasn’t a conundrum and “pragmatic” is my way of life. “Esoteric” wasn’t easy but arcane was the only plausible choice. Nailing it! Fourteen of fourteen right; only one word left for the ace. Then came “schadenfreude”. Noooooooooooooooooo! Who has heard of schadenfreude? Sadly, I have felt the emotion but, sadly, I had never heard the word. *** Foiled again!Words.

I hunted for words during my interview with Doug Gibson and Andy Howell of the Standard Examiner editorial board. One would think that I would realize that, in an interview for a position on an editorial opinion board, I should be prepared to state my opinions. I was not. “What do you think are the important issues facing our community?” Hum….. “In your application letter you described yourself as a member of the ‘silent majority minority’. Can you give us an example of that?” Hum….. “Would you describe yourself as a Conservative or a Libertarian?” I did have an immediate response for that question; I said, “What is a Libertarian?” (Oh my!) Gratefully, I managed to find some opinions to share: teachers’ unions are the single, largest impediment to educational reform; affirmative action impoverishes potential (SORRY Jennilyn!); big government is a BIG bad; and right and wrong are real (no Libertarianism for me).

I left the interview certain I’d blown it. That night, lying awake on my bed, words ran around in my head; words I wished I would have said. (Rhyme not intentional, rhythm not existent). Opinions unshared, thoughts unspoken, and words unfound chased sleep away. I mourned the opportunity I’d lost; I could have been a voice for faith and family and I blew it. In my prayers I promised God that, if He’d put me on the Board, I would stand for truth and righteousness. Then I gave the problem to Him. “It’s in thy hands now. If thou wouldst have me on the Board, thou wilt have to do something because the something I did will not get me there.” The next day I got a phone call from Doug Gibson inviting me to attend the Editorial Board’s next meeting; I am in!!!!!! [See associated article http://www.standard.net/stories/2013/05/24/open-minded-conservative-added-newspapers-editorial-board ]Prayed words are powerful.

Since February I’ve been praying (even fasted twice) that Chick would get a summer job. He’s left applications, resumes, and cover letters at a fistful of places and filled out several figurative fistfuls of online applications. Four months, forty applications, zero call backs. ZERO. Why is it so hard for an upstanding young man to get a job? Perhaps because getting a job is not in his best interest right now……In the midst of job hunting Chick learned about the machinist program at Ogden/Weber Applied Technology Center (OWATC). Being a machinist will give him experience that will be invaluable as he pursues his mechanical engineering degree. Machinists earn $18-24/hour. With a machinist certification, he will be able to support himself through college. Most companies that hire machinists offer full tuition and textbook reimbursement for employees who pursue degrees in mechanical engineering. And, because he is still a high school student, the machinist program at the OWATC is free. He starts Tuesday and will attend classes six hours a day, five days a week, all summer. Next fall, he will go to machining classes from 6-9 p.m. He is excited.I am amazed. I prayed for a minimum wage job and got a maximized opportunity.

Words can be fun.

Tanah bought a tank of gas for the family van and was commenting about the high cost of energy. Being didactic, I started a diatribe on wastefulness. “Now you know why I am always asking the family to turn off lights and shut doors; it is SO expensive and senseless to waste energy.” “I think I understand.” she said slyly, “You mean we shouldn’t do things like leave the van running for an hour in the Wal-Mart parking lot?”She thought she was funny. Me, not so much.At her final band concert, Tanah was sitting four rows in front of us. When it came time to go on stage, anxious to get on stage, finding herself without pockets, and unwilling to leave her cell phone unattended, Tanah turned to a friend, pointed to Lance, and asked him to give the phone to “that man sitting right back there.” The boy politely approached Lance and tried to hand him the phone. Lance haughtily refused the phone, telling the boy “I have never seen that girl before in my life.” The unfortunate young man beat a hasty retreat, leaving profuse apologies in his wake. Later the boy confronted Tanah saying, “I cannot believe you did that to me!” Tanah worked hard to convince him that Lance really was her father.Lance thought he was funny. Tanah, not so much.Some words are frightening, even alarming.

Autism.

Thursday Chick was diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder. He was also diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHA)-predominately inattentive type.

I keep assessing myself to see how I feel about having an autistic child and I find no evidence of trauma. Nothing has changed about Chick. He is still my beloved absent minded professor whose zest for and enthusiasm about life thrills me. He is still the young man who daily tells me he loves me, who does not complain when I ask him (multiple times daily) to do this or that chore, whose strength is so great that I must ask him not to crush me during his frequent bear hugs, and whose intelligence awes his peers and instructors at Roy High School. He is still my Chick. The diagnosis simply means that we can get some help for him in areas where he may be lacking. For us, autism is not frightening or alarming.Now I’ve used 1,246 words and it is time to stop.

Last week’s letter posed questions. This week ‘s letter gives answers, all of them to the same question.

The question: Why would anyone take 27 junior high students camping in Yellowstone for four days in May when night time temperatures are still below freezing and hungry mother bears are emerging from hibernation?

The answers:

“This is the greatest field trip ever,” said G--- as we passed through St. Anthony, Idaho on our way to Yellowstone. WOW! If riding three hours on a bus through the upper reaches of Utah and lower sections of Idaho achieves “greatest field trip ever” status then to what will Yellowstone geysers and grizzlies bring?

Enthusiasm. Excitement. Energy.We did not see grizzlies—though we gazed at a black bear sow and her two cubs as they grazed in a not very distant meadow—but we did see a lot of geysers. “Those are so sick,” the kids said in awe. [“Sick” is the current slang term for “cool”.]

I did not think the geysers were sick (“cool” is still my slang term for cool) but I did feel a bit sick at heart when we stepped off the bus and onto the Lone Star Geyser trailhead. I also felt cool.

Lone Star Geyser, a cone type geyser that erupts roughly every three hours, lies at the end of a 2.5 mile trail that follows the Firehole River. The path is easy in the summer and fall. In the early spring, say May…, the path can be snow covered. On May 14, 2013, it was largely snow covered. Though there were stretches of clear trail and portions where one could navigate around the snow drifts, over half of the trail was completely covered with 12 to 36 inches of mostly white, completely wet snow. A few of the lighter students were able to walk on the crusty top but for most of us the only option was trudging; we stepped and sank and stepped and sank and stepped and sank some more.We had walked on clear trails around Old Faithful the day before and the air temperatures were in the 60’s so we were largely unprepared for a snow march. In fact, we were totally unprepared. I wore my hiking sandals but was saved from immense pain by a pair of wool socks I had tucked into my pack. Miss Talyn also wore hiking sandals but was not blessed with socks. Many students had skimpy canvas tennis shoes, others wore sturdier running shoes. Some had hiking boots but even those were soon filled as we plunged through snow fields 2 to 3 feet deep and dozens of meters long. Every student had wringing-wet socks…..every student except A----.

A--- did not have socks. When I saw her get off the bus, all I could say was “Oh A---, I am so sorry!” She was wearing a light t-shirt, short shorts, and flip-flops. Flip-flops. Though her common sense may have “fun size” (i.e. very small), her courage was king size. Flip flops do not work in snow so she took them off. Off. No complaining, no “I am not going”, no “Please let me stay on the bus”; she simply womaned-up, took the flip flops in her hands, and walked barefoot. Barefoot. In the snow. 2.5 miles there. 2.5 miles back.

Courage. Tenacity. Grit.

There were some genuine sick feelings in camp. At 4:30 a.m. our first morning there I heard a hesitant “Mrs. Hislop?” In response to my response, S--- said, “I threw up twice and then the third time I threw up in my sleep and it is all over my sleeping bag. What should I do?”Oh darling, darling girl! How horrible to be sick away from one’s mom, in a campground, among one’s friends, in the dark, in the cold……….. My heart went out to her. Maybe not literally, but certainly figuratively, it went out to her; it was as if my heart left my chest, streamed to her side (I imagine an amoeba-type movement), and enveloped her in a huge hug. My first reaction was tender, genuine, immediate love. What a blessing it is to have such feelings. I don’t have them nearly as often I would like.Compassion. Charity. Tenderness.

P---- is simple and child-like. He often walks off the normal path; sometimes he leaps and sings and dances off it. He wanted to leave his camera on top of the bear box all night, turned onto video mode, so he could capture a bear on film. He ran from the bathroom, screaming, because he thought an ant was chasing him. He bought a stuffed animal at the gift shop, carried it everywhere with him, and pretended to feed it at meal times. He was continually smiling, always upbeat, and absolutely accepted by all the other students. Absolutely accepted. They overlooked his oddity and embraced his humanity.

Acceptance. Kindness. Affection.Tuesday morning one of the boys whispered to me “Ch---- did not bring any food.” Really?? In over a decade of taking students on extended camping field trips this was a first; never has a student failed to bring food. “Did you read the list?” I asked him. “What list?” he asked, then said, “When I told my Mom there might be bears she said it was a good thing that I did not bring any food.” Well, the bears certainly did not eat any of his food (actually, they did not eat anyone’s food). Ch---,unlike the bears, did eat other’s food. Again, the kids were incredible; Ch--- , a natural loner, was probably the best fed camper in Yellowstone.

Generous. Gracious. Good.While in Yellowstone we listened to a wolf specialist tell us about Wolf 21—“Remember in ‘The Avenger” movie when Loki said ‘I have an army’ and Tony Stark replied, ‘We have a Hulk’? Well Wolf 21 was like Hulk. He never lost a battle, even when he fought alone against 6 other wolves”; we learned that the travertine terraces at Mammoth grow over 6’/year; we enjoyed four days of late-June type temperature in mid-May (a genuine miracle); and some of us (eight crazy ones) jumped in Cliff Lake, a warm-in-the-summer body of water that was NOT warm in the early spring. Yeeee-owww! The students scattered like children at chore time when I emerged from the lake, declared them all my favorites, and tried to give them hugs.

On the way home we stopped at Big Jud’s—Home of the One Pound Burger—in Ashton, Idaho. Seven boys ordered the one pound burger; one boy (C--- ) finished it. “Thanks for bringing us,” he told me as he lay on the bus floor, too bloated to lift himself into the seat.

Memories. Miracles. Moments. Magic.Why would anyone take 27 junior high students camping in Yellowstone for four days in May when night time temperatures are still below freezing and hungry mother bears are emerging from hibernation?

Questions and questioning………..I’ve had some great questions and great answers this week.“Would you like to come in for an interview?” Over three weeks ago I read a Standard Examiner article, written by executive editor Andy Howell, that explained who writes the paper’s editorial opinion pieces. After describing the process as a group one and identifying the members of the group (all of whom are newspaper employees), he reported the creation of a community-at-large seat on the newspapers’ editorial board and invited interested members of the general public to apply. On a whim I wrote an essay applying for the position. Describing myself as an open minded conservative, I urged them to “pick me”. I was very hopeful for a week; watching my email inbox like a hawk. Nothing. After two weeks with no response, my hopes faded. By the third week, I had forgotten about the essay and moved on.

Tuesday I received a phone call inviting me in for an interview; I am one of three finalists. Oh my!“Mom, would you like me to make dinner?”Driving home from work Monday, I took a call from Tanah. Without preface or preamble she asked if I would like her to make dinner. In my world, there is only one answer to that question.

"I got 51/36 on the Calculus test. Would you like me to explain how?”Yes. Apparently the AP Calculus teacher gave the class a test in preparation for the upcoming national AP exam. Through a series of calculations probably beyond my ability to comprehend, the teacher determined that 36 on his practice test would be the equivalent of a “4” (the highest possible) on an AP exam and therefore decided 36 points=100%. Chick scored 51. He was pleased. (Me too)“Mom, would you like to see ‘Les Miserables’ at Pioneer Theatre Company with me? If you come, I will pay for part of your ticket…..”What’s not to love about that? I was touched that she wanted to see the play with me. Having her help with the ticket price was an unexpected bonus. We shared the experience Thursday night and it was worth every penny…..hers and mine!“Will you hold this snake?”Miles and Josh found a snake in the grass on their walk home from school. Miles asked me to hold it after he had taken it into Randee’s house. Good thing both Randee and I are snake-friendly moms.“Where did this guy come from?”Dazed by the sunshine or inspired by the warm weather (I am not sure which), I engaged in a fit of spring barnyard cleaning. When I tipped over the bathtub-that-serves-as-a-hay-trough, I found a 6 inch tiger salamander nestled in the mud underneath it. “Tiger salamanders can be found in virtually any habitat, providing there is a terrestrial substrate suitable for burrowing and a body of water nearby suitable for breeding.” (http://www.iucnredlist.org/details/59072/0 , http://mesalight.com/wp/?p=53 ). There isn’t a body of water within miles of our bathtub-turned-hayfeeder. Hum…..What happens when you leave a 2003 Toyota Sienna van unlocked, keys in the ignition, motor running for an hour in the Wal-Mart parking lot? Apparently nothing…… Saturday night, after having spent over an hour in Wal-Mart picking up food and supplies for the Yellowstone field trip that starts Monday, I returned to the parking lot and was not surprised to find my van exactly where I left it….until I got inside and discovered I had left it unlocked, keys in ignition, motor running. Then I began to wonder why it was where I left it. Are people in Utah too honest to steal my van? Or too picky to take a 10 year old van? (I’m going with the honesty theory.)Why would anyone take 30 junior high students camping in Yellowstone for four days in May when night time temperatures are still below freezing and hungry mother bears are emerging from hibernation?I do not have a good answer to this question. Hopefully I will have a good answer when we return on Thursday.What does it mean when you earn an award for the most teacher volunteer hours?Our school has a federal grant that mandates matching funds. Hours spent working outside contract time are multiplied by an hourly wage and can be counted as donated matching funds. I will receive an award as the OPA teacher who donated the most time. The time I counted does NOT include any time spent at home doing lessons plans, correcting papers, etc.; all tallied time comes from direct contact with students (Havasupai I volunteered 4 of 6 days; Yellowstone 2 of 4; science fair I volunteered the entire day…). Does that mean I am an honorable altruist or a hopeless sucker? Ask me again after Yellowstone……What were the results of the SBO elections at SAA?Last year Grace ran for class officer. She poured her entire heart and soul into the effort. She was not elected and she was broken-hearted. I ached as I watched my little girl mourn. Words and wisdom are worthless at that point; time only heals the wounds.

This year Grace again entered the election arena. Again, she poured her heart and soul into the effort. She and Chick and Tanah spent hours creating a campaign video. She and I were up late working on a 3D campaign poster. She had a VOTE GRACE flyer for every 7th grader at the school. Heart and soul.What were the results? She was not elected. Not all questions have happy answers initially.

But all do eventually. “All things work together for good to them that love God” (Romans 8:28). What does not kill us makes us stronger. Grace will survive SBO elections and be stronger for it. I will (probably) survive Yellowstone and will be wiser for it. We love God and our questions are clear evidence that He loves us.

YEA!

May the answers to your questions be happy ones this week.Love, TeresaP.S. What are chicken nipples anyway?

"Listen to your shoulder angel" was Grace's campaign theme, based on an episode of Studio C.

Who is this lovely lady playing the clarinet in her last ever band concert?

Where did this guy come from?

Is this the same girl who was literally paralyzed with fear when she tried to give her first talk in Primary?

Top Ten Lists: FUN!! There are top ten lists for nearly everything you can think of and many things you would not think of……“Top Ten Toughest Characters in the Bible”, “Top Ten People Who Accidentally Saved Their Own Lives”, “Top Ten Tiny Animals with Enough Poison to Absolutely Destroy You”, etc….. (http://www.toptenz.net/)

Writing (and thinking) of Top Ten lists, I started thinking (and am now writing) of a Top Ten List of my own: God’s Top Ten Greatest Gifts to Me. Topping the list, of course, would be Christ’s Atonement, His gift to all that makes eternal life possible and mortal life meaningful. Near the top of the list would be agency with its accompanying lessons on freedom and accountability, family with its soul-expanding capacity for joy, and prayer—what a gift it is to be able to communicate directly with Deity! Somewhere on the list there might be things like fresh blueberries, buttered (real butter) popcorn, just-cut alfalfa, and/or the smell of desert rain. Certainly on the list would be the commandment “Judge not”. I am so grateful for the divine mandate not to judge and it upon this great gift that I will vociferate today.

What a blessing it is not to have to judge! Seriously. To judge fairly requires so much time, effort, energy, and wisdom, all of which are scarce commodities in my life. The plea “Don’t judge me until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes” is both wise and valid. How can I possibly judge people without the knowledge that walking in their shoes brings, without seeing the scars on their souls, understanding the the bruises on their beings, and comprehending power of their pain? It is not possible; I cannot judge without knowing and I cannot know without walking and I cannot walk that far in that many people’s shoes. (Imagine the blisters!!!) Gratefully (oh so gratefully!) I do not have to. Thanks to God’s great “Judge not” gift, I don’t have to walk or judge. Christ, through His infinite atonement, has walked in their shoes and He, with infinite love and intimate knowledge, will judge. All He asks me to do is love and that is something I can do.

Loving is much easier than judging. To love, I don’t have to walk in their shoes; I can walk beside them in my shoes (which is much more comfortable!). Loving may also be carrying their shoes or even carrying them in their shoes but it is not judging and it is certainly not condemning. On the contrary, loving is accepting and embracing. It is also empowering—both to those who give and to those who receive—and reciprocal, as those who give become those who receive and visa versa.

Love!! All I have to do is love. It is so much more pleasant to love than to judge. Thank you God taking on the responsibility of judgment and giving me the gift of love.Which brings me to another point…..

I learned recently that there are hundreds of LTBG (lesbian/gay/bisexual/transsexual) youth along the Wasatch Front who are homeless, wandering the streets and living in the canyons. They are told they are “better off dead” and are no longer welcome in their families. Countless others struggle in homes and wards and schools, searching for a place to belong, alienated by harsh judgments and critical comments.

These are children, God’s children. Have we walked in their shoes? Do we see the scars on their souls? The bruises on their beings? The power of their pain? Christ said, “Suffer the little children to come unto me” (Mark 10:14). These LTBG youth are God’s “little children” and they are suffering. How will they ever come unto Christ if they don’t feel His love through us?Nephi says “…we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophecy of Christ….that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins” (2 Nephi 25:26). We all have sins. All of us. We all must come to Christ. Todos. He is the source of healing for all of us. Everyone. We must talk of Christ, rejoice in Christ, preach of Christ, and, MOST IMPORTANTLY, we must follow Christ that our children may know to what source to look for healing, for acceptance, for love, and for salvation. We must emphatically embrace them and, through our love, they will feel Christ’s love.Does embracing our LTBG youth mean that we turn aside from Latter Day Saint doctrine? No, certainly not, not any more than loving my neighbor who smokes or my friend who fornicates means that I reject the Word of Wisdom or the Law of Chastity. As Rick Warren sagely stated, “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.” I can obey Christ’s greatest commandments—to love God and my fellow man—and still believe in the Word of Wisdom, the Law of Chastity, and the Sanctity of Temple Marriage.How will all of this work out eternally? I don’t know. And, thanks to Christ’s “Judge not” gift, it is not my problem. It is His problem and I trust Him to work it all out. He’ll perform his task—which is to judge—and I’ll do mine—which is to love.

Nephi said to an angel, “…I know that he [God] loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things" (2 Nephi 11:17). Like Nephi, I don’t know the meaning (or explanation) of all things but I do know that He loves His children, all of them. Knowing His love, I trust His judgment. He will work things out; that is His job. My job is to love. And I am grateful for that.Love, TeresaP.S. If you know of any homeless LGBT youth, they can get help through Safe and Sound. http://www.ogdenoutreach.org/index.php/safe-and-sound