Bridget Bites : Smile Lines and Getting Older

Q:

Hi Bridget!

As always, I absolutely love reading your posts, they are so encouraging. You seem very wise for your years and on the topic of smile lines, I am turning 31 in 15 days and while in my 20s I felt happy and carefree, I now look at my smile lines (I smile a lot too) and feel very insecure about getting older. I literally spent my entire youth on exercise, healthy foods and happy and kind relationships and I really cherish that, but I worry that now that I have these smile lines, I will have trouble finding the one as there are younger girls out there. I keep telling myself that I did my absolute best to stay healthy and happy, but I still feel insecurity when I notice the lines in the mirror. ps. Any insight you may have would be so so helpful! I really struggle with self doubt on some days.. Much love to you! You rock!

A:

Thank you so much for your kind kind words! Means the world to me. I wouldn’t say wise, just have had a lot of hard earned experience in certain topics. But I appreciate it 😀

First thought when reading your email - do you really want to be with someone who is only attracted to you because you look young?! That seems like such a red flag to me. You are better than that, you deserve (and will find) someone who loves the fact that you have lived. My experience with finding ‘the one’ is that it is an illusion designed to sell you things. I love my husband with all my heart, and he certainly is the one for me. But my life didn’t exist to find ‘the one’. We were actually friends for years before we decided to date. The point I am trying to make here is that “a woman needs a man, like a fish needs a bicycle” (Gloria Steinem). Whilst it can be incredible to find your bicycle, it shouldn’t be the center of your life. It should be like a melting of two kindred souls. Not throwing yourself blindly into a roaring furnace and hoping you make it out alive.

It sounds to me like you are aware of your lovely relationships – I’m happy you have and recognize this! These people are the cornerstone to a good life. They bring you light and a long life. Value these people. Just because a romantic relationship ends, doesn’t mean an amazing friendship can’t exist in its place. And whilst healthy food and fitness is good, I hope it has a correct place in your life. It should be but an aspect of a life well lived. And it shouldn’t be a crutch that we cling to in the hopes of not looking older.

Because it’s going to happen. In life there are two guarantees – that we die, and that everything changes. Our faces are going to change. Our bodies, our likes and dislikes. Everything. And then we die. It is our attachments to the things that change (remember – this is everything) that causes stress and suffering. So we have to work to cut these attachments, and choose to lead our lives existing in every moment. I can guarantee that once you let go of how you look, your life will open up. Someone will come along who makes sense for you as a fully grown woman. Not someone who is seeking a young looking person to make them look better.

You know what happens when someone chooses a young looking partner specifically for their looks? When they start to age (because everything changes) discord will be sown between the two of them. Not always – but the odds are higher for a couple based on materialistic ends. I have always chosen my partners based on the connection between us. Sometimes these decisions lead to disaster. But it only has to work once. When you are in your 20’s you are learning about yourself. You are learning what behavior you will and will not stand for, and what is a deal breaker in a relationship. Be thankful that you are past this stage – that you are wise enough to know a massive red flag when you see it, and walk away. This is wisdom to me. Knowing what you will and will not stand for.

In the modeling world, whenever a girl starts to look too old, she stops getting work. We are in a society where youth is valued above all else, even though youth rarely has much wisdom. I was sexualized from a very young age without even realizing it - before I had learned what real love was. And what the feeling of truly existing in my body felt life. I had not yet learned what it meant to be sensual when I was selling sensuality. It is a very strange and damaging system. I would not swap the experience that has come with my age for the world – and neither should you.

Smile lines are awesome. Choose to live your life. Because otherwise it will pass you by. And whilst I don’t believe that death is something to be feared, not truly living is definitely something to be feared. When you inhabit your body to the best of your ability, and take your gaze from the mirror, you put yourself in the path of other people who will love you for exactly who you are. Who wants to be loved by someone only for your outward projection? My love for and connection with my husband stems from a deeper connection. And that nourishes me way more than attempting to fight the inevitable.