Feeling extra sad lately. My four year anti is coming up. I am not happy at all, but I can't find it in me to leave him. :( I don't want to live like this forever. I am SO jealous of happy couples. Just a sucky day.

Gotta get back to work, but I just needed to say to someone that I am not happy. :(

(((hugs to all limbo folks)))

BS (me) 44
WS 51
two amazing girls 22 & 23
one year PA with a 22 yr old "friend" of ours.
Dday 4-7-08
Looking forward to being one of the R success stories!

5-09**seriously wondering if I can get past this...
9-10**still struggling..

Posts: 216 | Registered: Jun 2008

Paperclip♀ MemberMember # 27192

Posted: 10:19 AM, March 14th (Wednesday), 2012

(((sickinmysoul)))
I always get extra sad around the antiversary. My 4-year antiversary is this year also.
Hugs to you!

Posts: 819 | Registered: Jan 2010

SickInMySoul♀ MemberMember # 19945

Posted: 12:59 PM, March 15th (Thursday), 2012

Thank you Paperclip (love your name! Ha, ha!!).

Hugs back atcha. It is the same with me, as you. SO hard for me to deal with the fact that he lied to me every.single.day for so long. He has NEVER been able to lie. Until then. Blows my mind too.

Somedays I think I am stuck like this forever. It is a heartbreaking thought. It isn't fair, to either of us. He really is a good man. VERY remorseful. He deserves a full happy marriage.

I ran across one of the folders of scans I have hidden in my work e-mail that is from a years worth of their e-mails to each other. It slapped me right in the face, as I was looking for an old scanned work document. I had fogotten they were in there from when I thought I had the yahoo's to divorce him.

I really thought I would be past this by now. So many other big family things have come up after DD that I think we never really were able to give it the work it needed. I could never tell anyone in "real life", but I just don't feel like I am in love with him anymore. I want to be. But I can't seem to put a crack in this huge wall I have built.

Yuck.

(((paperclip & all)))

BS (me) 44
WS 51
two amazing girls 22 & 23
one year PA with a 22 yr old "friend" of ours.
Dday 4-7-08
Looking forward to being one of the R success stories!

5-09**seriously wondering if I can get past this...
9-10**still struggling..

Posts: 216 | Registered: Jun 2008

hurting7897♀ MemberMember # 34761

Posted: 2:49 PM, March 15th (Thursday), 2012

I can totally indentify with neverendinghurt. That's where I am. we are 6 weeks from d-day and I told my FWH last night, "i just dont know if I can ever forgive you." It wasn't said as an attack, I am just exhausted. Too much pain. I want R, I just don't know if I'll ever get there. He is doing everything right. But like you NeverEndingHurt, we were the perfect couple too. Everyone has always been envious of us. If only they knew the truth. It's so incredibly painful.

SO many of us in the same spot and it sucks. Feeling sad because I was lied to and taken advantage of and our 3 kids were treated like 2nd class citizens so she could have a meet up. Used to make me sick/mad, now it makes me sad. Hate feeling this way, even though it is not all the time, it is every day and I hate that part of the day. Why are my brain & heart fighting over the same person; heart says stay, brain says run. Frustrating & painful.

ME BH 40
SHE WS 38
D Day 4-19-11
Married 14 years

Posts: 5 | Registered: Mar 2012 | From: PA

HelplessNHurt♀ MemberMember # 34607

Posted: 7:31 PM, March 21st (Wednesday), 2012

I can totally indentify with neverendinghurt. That's where I am. we are 6 weeks from d-day and I told my FWH last night, "i just dont know if I can ever forgive you." It wasn't said as an attack, I am just exhausted.

Too much pain. I want R, I just don't know if I'll ever get there. He is doing everything right. But like you NeverEndingHurt, we were the perfect couple too. Everyone has always been envious of us. If only they knew the truth. It's so incredibly painful.

This is exactly where I am! I *thought* we were perfect - *thought* we had a great M, were right for eachother, were best friends and, instead, I was SOOO wrong. And, I was betrayed and hurt and uprooted by the person who was NEVER, EVER supposed to do any of that. My WS was supposed to be the one to protect me, to love me, to be by my side forever, in good and bad, always...and, instead, my WS has broken me. And, at times, I don't think this break can be repaired. We are trying and WS does try very hard. But, I can only hope it will be enough.

Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2012

js_girl♀ MemberMember # 34797

Posted: 9:13 AM, March 29th (Thursday), 2012

I realized last night why limbo is so hard for me, why Ican't simply D my WH when he's clearly fencesitting. I'm not ready to be rejected again. Waiting for him to be stable on meds and clear-headed enough to make a decision about his life is less painful than putting D before him now, saying "You can choose us or you can choose her," and the fear of having him walk away. I'm just not strong enough to handle that yet. I wish I could say I am, but I'm not there yet. Apparently, I need time, too.

There is no hope for R if WW will never own up to the things (not including the OM) that brought down the marriage. For her, keeping herself the victim leaves her a perfect platform for not having to look at herself.

I am staying in M sheerly out of fear for how it will affect my 2 sons who are only couple years from college.

Sleep in separate rooms, haven't touched in any meaningful way since then, and it dawned on me in 2 years she has never smiled or shown the least bit of affection towards me. To her I am a real efficient workhorse, making the money, pulling more than my half...while she plays the victim all brought on from me, her children, family, her childhood, and her life in general. No reason for her to leave, doesn't have to work, OM is long gone, grass will not be greener on the other side for her....

50 and I just want to move on with my life, how did you do it?

What thought came into your mind that pushed you over the edge to finally cut and run?

Posts: 2 | Registered: May 2012

FrozenTear♀ MemberMember # 32680

Posted: 3:44 AM, May 12th (Saturday), 2012

It's been a full year since we officially started to R but there are days I do wonder *if* I can rebuild the trust in him. I know it will be very important to have it when he is out of school (max 2 years) and is in his profession. I feel so tired most of the time of trying. Especially when we do butt heads and he reminds me how I am not being fair. I want to give him credit for the efforts he has done but not always sure I want to credit him with a life-long acceptance.

I just wish there was some stronger evidence that he had learned his lesson and when it's all side and done that I don't just be lonely and bitter toward him, love or my own judgments.

Can I join? Seriously, I have felt like I am in limbo for about the past year... It'll be 2 years this summer, I he thinks I should be over it. I told him the other day, yeah, it's done, it's out, we've pretty much moved on (because it is NEVER discussed), but it's never really going to go away. I'm never going to be able to forget. I've made the conscious decision to FORGIVE what you've done, and not to PUNISH you for what you did. I just don't know if I can LOVE him again. I'm really not sure I even like him sometimes. We have two beautiful kids, and I want so much for them to see a loving, happy marriage between their parents. How can I do that when the most I feel for him MOST of the time is tolerance?

I know we all have this feeling, and for those of you who have been past your Dday for years, it is sad to hear this still lingers.

I love him, I know I do. But I think of why I want to put myself through this stress? There will always be that nagging fear in the background, why didn't he answer, why didn't he tell me he was going there?

I want it to get better but it just kind of lingers, and he can't understand why.

Everyday I'm losing my umph. I want to come home and sleep. I don't want to do chores, I don't want to go out. I just want to read novels and sleep. I have no drive to want to do anything else.

Is anyone going through that? is it still affecting other parts of your lives months and years out? I want to go back to enjoying my life. How do i get there?

DDay 9/30/11
DDay 3/13/12
Separated 11/10/2012

Posts: 154 | Registered: Mar 2012

TXMommy♀ MemberMember # 28857

Posted: 2:28 PM, May 15th (Tuesday), 2012

Everyday I'm losing my umph. I want to come home and sleep. I don't want to do chores, I don't want to go out. I just want to read novels and sleep. I have no drive to want to do anything else.

Is anyone going through that? is it still affecting other parts of your lives months and years out? I want to go back to enjoying my life. How do i get there?

I could write this... And, it's almost 2 years out for us. I'm not sure if it's normal, however. My WH works out of the state 4 out of every 6 weeks. It's been hard for me to connect with him since the A, but about a year ago, he started THIS job, and I feel like our relationship is at a complete standstill. It hasn't gotten worse, but the very little that has gotten better is minimal. I love him, I think. Sometimes I just question if I tell myself I love him because I WANT to love him.

I too am in limbo. It's the worst feeling to know that you will do whatever it takes, compromise yourself to try to make a difference.

I call him my husband because we've been together going on 15 years now, but we aren't legally married, just common law.

Aug. 2011 is when I found out about OW. First I got the ILYBINILWY speel...long story short I was yoyo'd back and forth for about 3 months. He'd say he wanted to work on it, then didn't, then did, you get the idea. Nov. 2011 my daughter and I moved out and he fell apart. Ended it with OW (whom he works with) and asked us to come back. We did and things were going ok. I was still dealing with all of the pain that infidelity brings on, but I was doing pretty good until last week when I found out he'd been calling her again on their work phones. Lied to me and then admitted it. Since then he's been down and depressed. Says he loves me and wants to work it out, but feels lost and alone. Says he doesn't have anyone he can talk to. (OW was his ear and shoulder to cry on before they took it too far.)Says he doesn't know where he fits in or belongs.

Why do they always make it about them. I'm dealing with some pretty heavy stuff myself, but still want to be there for him and ease his pain. What about me though...
I don't know how much more I can take...

Me: BS 40
Him: FWH 39
Together 16 years
DD: 14
DS: 19
D-Day Aug. 2011 and multiple Ddays thru Oct.2011
Nov. 2011 Moved out with DD and moved back in 2 weeks later.
May 2012 found out he'd called OW again.
DDay August 18, 2014 UGH AGAIN??

Posts: 25 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: FREEBIRD0120

FrozenTear♀ MemberMember # 32680

Posted: 4:43 AM, May 26th (Saturday), 2012

TXMommy, I completely been asking myself that questions lately. We been working on it but the work I have asked him to do is a stand still right now and I feel like I want to give up. I know I love him but right now I really don't know if I really want to value that emotion at all, especially with him.

@hopefulfutur, I was like that last summer and autumn. The 1 year mark of his melt-down really hit me a lot harder than I thought. From October 15th - December 19th to me is now a blackout zone. I am dreading it coming around again. It was year before that when he was having online and fantasies A with people (took him 3 weeks to remember every one...hopefully) and there are times now where I just want to focus on a project and not think, feel or deal with him or the 'home' that he helped shatter.

I did feel better after the holidays. I forced myself to take a couple of classes and go to work for a friend in helping her with her business and started too feel more energy...at least towards my life. My house is still a wreck and 'maintaining' the home at all is a struggle for me.

I think I will post here. 5 yrs of limbo coming up. Everytime I think we are getting somewhere, I find out he is still in contact with ow. I am getting to a decision however. I will wait until my sons wedding is over this summer, then I will get myself of the limbo fence. My irl friend says I should do what is right for me now rather than wait.

I don't want drama to surround the wedding. I lasted this long what is another few months. Glad this thread is here and I hate that we are stuck.