Vikings “The Prisoner”

Hey, remember when Ragnar took that English monk Athelstan into his home and the two men found common ground in discovery and wonder and learning from each other, becoming friends in the long run until a certain religious zealot of a shipbuilder buried his axe in the unresisting Christian?

Yeah, imagine that if it were on Bizarro World.

That seems to be what is happening now, as crazy religious fanatic Ivar captures crazy religious fanatic Heahmund and decides to take the sword-swinging bishop, a man who somehow found himself gaining a modicum of respect from Ivar due to his fighting skills, back to Norway. At the suggestion of personality-free Hvitserk, Ivar is going to join up with Harald and take down Kattegat, removing Ubbe from whatever equation these guys are adding up and avenging themselves against Lagertha.

It’s like Ivar is trying to be the opposite of his father in every way possible. True, Rangar had a temper and didn’t mind a bit of the old ultraviolence once in a while, but Ivar seems to be nothing but violence. And considering he can barely walk with his new leg braces, that’s saying something.

Hey, what’s up with Ubbe anyway? Well, since Ubbe went back to Kattegat and sided with Lagertha against Harald, he knows that war between his brothers is coming. The only relief he’s getting is that That Asshole Floki won’t be on Ivar’s side. True, That Asshole Floki won’t be on Ubbe’s side either, but that’s because he’s trying to take some true believers in the gods back to “Asgard” and set up a colony devoted to Norse Purity. And sure, Lagertha told him not to because she needs the bodies for when Harald comes back, but since when has pointing out the obvious need of another over some religious-mania ever stopped The Asshole Floki from doing something like settling in his new land of Assholistan?

Oh, and it looks like Bjorn, after some accidental cannibalism, is about to be executed as a sandstorm is blowing in. If I had a better idea what was going on there, I’d say so, but that would require me to be more interested in Bjorn’s side trip to the desert.