Minefield Gifts How to play it safe when giving to the boss, the client, the new love and more

Minefield Gifts How to play it safe when giving to the boss, the client, the new love and more

Sure, you’ve got a handle on what you to get your mom and best friend, but what about the people in your life whose good side you need to stay on, like say, your boss, your co-worker or the parents of your new love interest? We spoke with Diane Gottsman, a modern manners and etiquette expert for ideas on navigating those holiday gift-giving minefields, both business and personal.

BUSINESS

The Boss

No gift trips people up more than a gift for the boss. “People are always confused about gifting the boss,” says Gottsman, but you are under no obligation to buy a present for your manager, really. If you want to do something, “make it very impersonal,” our expert suggests, or you may come across as trying to butter up the big kahuna. Go in with the rest of the staff on a small gift card or bring something for the entire office, like a batch of cookies, to share. It is not appropriate to go big on this, Gottsman warns.

She says if your boss had been a true mentor to you, it is appropriate to write a handwritten note thanking him or her for the great year and that you look forward to another successful year with the company.

Everyone can use a bit of luck these days in the workforce. Lucky Bamboo ($39.99 at 1-800-Flowers) comes in a glass vase with black pebbles—a really nice addition to a desk.

The Employee

This is another tough one, says our expert. First off, before you do anything, check with your company’s HR department to find out whether there is any corporate policy on gifts. Like a gift for the boss, you should stay professional, neutral, impersonal, nondenominational and entirely uncontroversial—and not show favoritism between one employee and another. Obviously it should not be a gag gift, because people take them the wrong way, says Gottsman. “As a boss, you are the leader, so use your best judgment. You don’t want to give out coconut bras!”

Safe present ideas: Has anyone ever been offended by the gift of fresh fruit? I’m voting this the safest gift in the history of all gifts. Triple Treat Fruit Delight ($29.95 from Harry & David) offers perfect pears, navel oranges and apples.

Or take the crew out for lunch one day—check out Restaurant.com for savings at a joint near you.

The Colleague

Stop the madness, says Gottsman. “You don’t have to give anything to a colleague,” she says. People feel pressured around the holidays. It’s okay to say upfront, “Let’s not exchange gifts.” If you and a co-worker have gotten friendly outside of the office, give a gift after work hours and don’t bring it up in front others.

Safe present ideas: It’s safest not to give anything!

PERSONAL

Newly Exclusive Significant Other

Tough one, right? “You don’t want to come on too strong too fast, but you want to do something nice and genuine,” says our manners wizard. “It does not have to say ‘I love you,’ but it should say ‘I care enough that I put some thought into this gift.’” Be mindful about both your and their financial situation, too. “Don’t make them feel uncomfortable by overspending or under spending. It’s not about the money, it’s the thought. A handwritten card or CD with favorite songs, these gifts matter.”

As far as ideas, what have you noticed so far about this person? Is she a huge fan of the local sports team? Does he talk about his love for his favorite band? What’s their favorite color? Have they recently moved into a new place?

Safe present ideas: Great for book lovers, thisScout and Boo Necklace ($30) celebrates unlikely friendships (in this case, Scout and Boo from To Kill a Mockingbird), and the Poe-ka Dots iPhone Case ($25, both from Out of Print) is a fun choice for Edgar Allen Poe fans.

I knew a guy who went on one date and soon after the woman showed up unannounced to drop off a homemade pie at his apartment. It freaked him out. If you aren’t seeing this person around the holidays due to work/travel/family commitments, “you do not need to seek them out,” stresses Gottsman. But there is nothing wrong with a holiday card if it is in your heart to send one. Otherwise, skip it and wish them a happy new year when you get together in January.

Safe present ideas: Skip the present and give a card … maybe. These Nick’s Diner Holiday Cards ($18.95 for box of 8 from The MoMa Store) are cool, if you’re looking for non-cheesy ideas.

Your new significant other’s parents

It’s getting serious enough that they’ve invited you home to meet mom, dad and crazy Grandma Louise. You can’t show up empty-handed. Step one: Ask your boyfriend/girlfriend for gift ideas. Then go with a neutral gift—edible is often a good choice here—along with very sincere thanks for their hospitality. And offer to help with cooking or cleanup, like any good guest would!

I asked Gottsman what recipients trip people up the most. Surprisingly, she said she often sees people struggle after they have been in a relationship for a long time, when things have gotten comfortable (cue the gift of a vacuum cleaner or yet another book on grilling!). “It’s important, whether you’ve been together two months or 20 years, to put thought into the gift.” When in doubt, tell your partner, “I want to do something great for you this holiday, any hints for me?” Or ask your children or friends and family for ideas. On a budget? A lovely present doesn’t have to cost a lot of money. One of the best ideas is quality time together.

Safe present ideas: No need to be safe here; just be sure to show your love and admiration for your amazing partner. Although, if you’re wondering, jewelry is always a winner. As is bacon.