Thursday, December 07, 2006

You Are Not Better than Your Waiter

In my mind, there are two types of people in the world: those who have worked in the service industry, and those who haven’t. By service industry, I mean waiters, bartenders, bussers, barbacks, line cooks, strippers, or anyone else involved in you having a good time when you go out to eat, drink, or have sex with a stranger. Those who have worked “in the biz” know a lot of things that those who haven’t do not. For instance, they know that when you order Grey Goose 9 times out of 10 you’re getting Svedka.

But those of you who went to college on your parent’s dime and then were thrust immediately into the corporate world probably never had to learn the terms “86” or “First Cut.” The word “sidework” does not send you into the corner in the fetal position and you just assume the person giving you your drink/food/lapdance is getting paid well to do it and is there to serve you. But they are people too, folks, and when you’ve worked in “the biz” there are a lot of things you learn that can make the lives of those serving you better. Remember, you are not better than these people, and at nicer places they probably make more money than you and have a lot better time. So here are some things to keep in mind the next time you head out that can improve the quality of your service through your own actions:

Tipping – Not sure if everyone has picked up on this yet, but 15% is now considered a bad tip. I know, when I was a kid mom told me the formula to figuring it out, but now pretty much anything under 20% is considered “cheap.” Call it inflation, or call it the good tippers ruining it for the cheapskates, but whenever you get a meal, look at the total, double it and move the decimal one place to the right. That is an decent tip. Incidentally, should you ever get a discount or anything free, you ALWAYS tip on the original amount, if not more since you got hooked up. And for the love of fucking Christ, open bars do not include gratuity. I was once at Opium and saw a bartender pull back about 5 drinks at an open bar because the guy didn’t throw down any cash, yelling “Gratuity not included!” So don’t think when you go to a club just because it says “open bar” you’re drinking for free. A dollar drink isn’t too much to ask.

Lingering – You ever have one of those nights where you and your I-banker buddies sat outside a bar bullshitting and smoking cigars until well after close? You ever look inside that bar and see the entire staff sitting around with nothing to do? Well, guess what? You and your jackass friends are the reason these people are not currently at home smoking weed. Nobody, and I mean not even managers, like the people who hang out after closing, forcing every employee to stay late so you can smoke your cigar. Finish your shit and go home. Close your check out as soon as possible so your server can get out, and when it’s closing, get up and fucking go. You have a balcony at home, sip your scotch and smoke there. If you choose not to, you must make it worth their time, at least to the tune of $25 an hour.

Fancy Drinks – There was once a time when I would sooner insult a bartender’s mother than ask for a Mojito. They are, without a doubt, the biggest pain in the ass drinks to make and the people who order them are typically girls and/or guys trying to look cool. Neither of which are exactly the bartender’s favorite. But I have come to accept Mojitos and other stupid, floofy drink orders as a fact of life Not everyone can love Hennessey on the Rocks. Should you order something that requires the bartender to do more than pour a liquor and a mixer, the MINIMUM tip is $2 a drink, If not, don’t expect any more Mojitos. At least ones lacking Visine.

Calling Out – Servers and bartenders are busy. Sometimes they just can’t get to you. One thing they do not appreciate is being whistled at or called out to. Perhaps saying “’Excuse Me” or “Sorry, but my friend just needs some more flat water with lemon” is the appropriate way to go. But whistling or snapping fingers is degrading, and saying ‘Hey, can I get another Red Bull and Vodka” to an obviously harried bartender is not getting you jack shit any faster. In fact, if may automatically disqualify you from anything under a 20 minute wait.

The Restaurant isn’t Paying Them – That’s right. Strippers have to pay to work. Servers and bartenders get what’s called “Restaurant Minimum wage” which is usually around $3 an hour. So basically they work off your tips. The harder you make them work, the more money you give them. That $3 an hour doesn’t even cover taxes on tips, and a typical paycheck in “the biz” is for about two and a quarter. So remember that next time you order 8 Mojitos, 9 modifications on your food, send it back three times and then order a table full of Cappuccinos. Your tip needs to be in the 25% range or you are officially an asshole.

I’m sorry if some of you will point to this and say “See, that’s why Miami has such horrible service, bitter angry jerks like this” but every server you’ve ever had thinks the same way. When dealing with servers, your first thought should be about making their job as easy as possible while still getting what you want. Remember, they are people too, and think how you would like to be treated were you in their shoes. Would you want to hang around two hours after closing so some jagoff who tips 15% can smoke his cigar? Somehow I doubt it. If you follow all of these guidelines, I guarantee a funny thing will happen: Magically, your service will get better. And when the service is better, the tips are better and everyone leaves a winner.

65 Comments:

Man~ This one brought back memories. I had a second job in a higher scale steakhouse for over a year. I worked as a server on the weekends. West Michigan is a Dutch community and they are proud of their cheapness. The worst tip I received (other than that stiffs) was a $5 on a $250 bill. The best I received was a $25 tip on a $30 bill.You can bet that I treated the 80% tippers a whole hell of a lot better than the 2% tippers.There are a lot of assumptions in the service industry. Young people, international travelers, african american people and old people there for the early bird special are considered the poorest tippers but I have found that if you treat them like you already received a big tip that they tend to give a better tip.The people who ask for water, sugar and a plate of lemons need to get a life though. That shit pissed me OFF!!!

I learned all this back in the day when a roomate of mine was a bar manager. I treated the people who worked for him like I would want to treat my best friends. The bigger I tipped, the more free drinks I got - The more free drinks I got, the bigger I tipped... Then we all headed out together after the bar closed. Start over the next night and repeat process.

I saw you tossing back mojitos at the party WD. As far as tippig is concerned, I work just as hard for my money as servers do so why should I just give it away. I tip 20% but that's it. My mom and dad always fight about tipping because she thinks just because they have money that they have an obligation to help others out. I don't share the same view.

I also hate when you are out to dinner with a group of people and one of the people with you just starts berating the waitstaff for no real reason. It last happened a while ago for me when my friend's girlfriend just started laying into the staff with that super-annoying condescending tone. That kind of stuff makes me embarassed to be sitting at the same table; a lot of these servers are just looking to support their family, make it through college or whatever. Why go in there and just shit on them?

For the record, back in the day, I was a line cook at a generic restaurant with the same name as a Rolling Stones song.

I've been on both side of this. As a pizza driver through college, I got my fair share of shitacular tips. I recieved some great ones as well. One thing though is that I tried to present the best service I had. Obviously there were bad nights that I just didn't care. But I didn't even check to see what I recieved a lot of the time just so it wouldn't have a mental barrier to providing good service on the next order. I've also had people treat me like I wasn't worth anything. The next time I try showing up to their door with a smirk on my face and a small chuckle and they tend to change their attitude quickly. Why? Because they thought I fucked with their food. I didn't but they think I did.

On the flip side, I've been provided with really bad service so I don't tip as well. But 95% of the time I'm a great tipper because I know what its like to be tipped. At the same time, I've met some retarded waiters.

One time at TGIFridays, our waiter was nice friendly and attractive. I complemented her on her service and looks. When my virgin strawberry daquiri was gone, she asked if I would like another one. Everyone at the table read that as she was giving me another one on the house, as I'm guessing since the daquiri had no alcohol in it, its probably more profit than anything at $4. She gave me the bill and bitch charged me for both. Again, everyone at the table was suprised as we all thought it would have been on the house. Needless to say, she didn't get a tip, her tip went to TGIFridays in the form of 2 drinks. The stupid girl probably thought that more money on the check meant more tip. No, if I'm nice to my server and strike a conversation, and they hook me up in some fashion, they are going to get a fantastic tip. The money their employer would get is going to their wallet/purse virtually tax free.

That means leaving the attitude at home, knowing the menu, don't give me crappy recommendations, don't suggest a wine unless I ask or you are the sommelier (no pushing that swill you call house wine), bringing my food quickly and apologizing for the wait if it's the kitchen's fault, refilling my water if you see the glass is empty, checking at least twice during the meal to see if I need something else and not making me wait 15 minutes for the check.

Above all, don't think the tip is guaranteed. Don't like it? Don't work in the service industry.

I love you, WD. I was a server at Ruby Tuesday in college, and our base pay was $2.65. That barely covered the taxes on my tips, so basically, I was working purely for tips. I don't think a lot of people understand that. Because I know how it feels to work for tips, I make sure I tip dang well every time. Sometimes I tip more than the check actually is. Is an extra few bucks going to put me in the poorhouse? Probably not, so I try to tip above the norm. It also guarantees you good service next time if a server gets you again.

It's funny how some people look at tipping. The restaurants could just tack the gratuity onto the price of the food--instead of paying $15.00 for your entree, you pay $18.00, etc. But by making it voluntary, that keeps the server accountable. The problem occurs when the customer doesn't hold up their end of it, and withholds that amount even though the server did a good job. I hate cheap people.

joe- to put it mildly, you are a dipshit. since when (even at TGI Fridays) does, "would you like another __" translate into "would you like something that the bartender has to use a blender to make, for free" ? I don't know what's worse, that you called her a bitch for doing her job or that you expected her to "hook you up" because you told her she had a nice ass. Word to the wise, working at a "mall restaurant" like TGI Fridays is akin to the ninth circle of hell and guess what - nothing is "virtually tax free", especially that tip that you DIDN'T leave her. Servers get taxed on what the government "assumes" you leave as a tip which includes what they tip out at the end of the night to bussers, bartenders and runners. Bottom line, stop being a hard-on. xoxo

you know it's funny- as soon as I read "sidework," I shuddered. And I haven't waited tables or bartended in over 5 years, yet that word still makes me uneasy. Working in the service industry scars you for life.

" ANON1 said... Congrats Alex, you just won the Asshole of the Year Award!

Do the servers also have to shine your shoes, polish your knob and iron your shirts while waiting o you?"

Wow, I actually agree with Anon1 for a change. Alex, you probably shouldn't be a "regular" at a restaurant. because I can guarantee that if you are, you would be one of the people who's food gets sneezed on. And I'm pretty sure the line cooks would "accidentally" drop your food on the floor.

I never worked in the restaurant industry, but I think I count since I've had a lot of shitty jobs (bagger at a grocery store, painting apartment buildings, going door to door for an environmental group and working at Kinkos, to name a few). I pretty much tip 20-30% always unless they're horrible, and then I tip 15%. And I am really fairly uncomfortable having people wait on me in general, and always try to be as polite as possible, almost to a fault, but I think it might be a side effect of growing up poor.

Well, I agree with the tip parts, but if I'm out for a night of eating and drinking, I want to be served and served properly. If that requires extra work (and nothing ridiculous either) too fucking bad.

If you fuck up my order, I'm gonna send it back. Period. I'm not gonna be a cow about it, and the server shouldn't be either. Mistakes on the server's part do not lower the tip, but giving me guff over sending back anything they've screwed up would.

"but whenever you get a meal, look at the total, double it and move the decimal one place to the right."

WD - Take your hands and hold them straight out in front of you, palms facing away. Now take your index finger and point it straight up and fold the rest of your fingers to your palm. Next take your thumbs and point them at each other. See the L? That is left. Maybe that will keep you from leaving a $400 tip on a $20 meal.

I usually tip between 15 and 20 percent. That's ok, right? Maybe a little more if she's cute AND friendly. And we've all worked menial jobs. If you're trying hard, most people will show respect, if only to avoid getting food that's been tainted. Newt: I hope you can make an order without using profanity.

this post should be a public service announcement. i was a waitress for a few years, and basically saw the worst of humanity. MINIMUM tip should be 20% people. MINIMUM. Waiting tables is one of the most grueling and stressful jobs anyone could have, and they deserve every cent they get. I mean come on, i remember sometimes I would get a tip over 20% and it would only be the difference of like $3, and it would make my night.

also, can we add working in a retail environment to this rant? I used to work at J Crew in college and hs, and I swear to god almost every night some woman would come in waiving her 3 carat ring in my face 10 minutes before we are about to close, and UNFOLD.EVERY.SINGLE.SWEATER. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I always tip well, and I'm not unreasonably picky (I won't tip less if I dislike the angle between my fork and my glass). Bad tipping is one of the biggest turnoffs in a person (whether a potential friend or a crush). And so is taking 5 minutes to analyze every aspect of the meal and figure out the exact percentage a tip should constitute. Barf.

What about non-food-industry tips? Hairdresser tips should be obvious to everyone. I thought they usually go higher than wait-staff tips, is that true? And I always tip people who do my bikini wax (how can you not?) They love me - I can always get an appointment at a convenient time and they do a great job.

dmbmeg, totally. I've worked in both kinds of jobs (cashier in Tim Hortons, not a waiter, but still in the industry), and a job that consists of serving people and selling them stuff is the worst job in the world, in my opinion. If I'm ever completely broke, this will be the last job I will take - I'd rather be a high-school janitor or clean toilets.

Above all, don't think the tip is guaranteed. Don't like it? Don't work in the service industry.

Alex, by the same logic, if you don't like paying tip -as in, paying someone for the services provided-, don't go to a restaurant with table service. I hope they spit in your food.

I generally tip about 18 to 22% I err on the higher side for delivery - they have my address on file and the last thing I want to is reputation as a bad tipper. Consequently, the delivery guys at my Indian spot love me.

See, that's the BS. You basically just admitted the waiters and the delivery people intimidate you. So you take it because you are afraid they'll mess up with your food. You are the one who shouldn't be going to restaurants but eating out of cans.

Anon1, as fas as asshole of the year goes, I believe you have quite a head start on me.

Ashburnite, not only I am a regular at some restaurants, I also know the waiters and the owners. They appreciate my patronage among other things because I tip very well. You won't get a chance to spit on my food though, as TGIF is not one of them. Spit would actually improve the taste of their food.

You all got it wrong, which is not surprising. I don't expect to be paid extra if I don't do a good job and neither should a waiter. The mojitos, capuccinos, substitutions, etc; come with the territory. Do it well and you get the tip. It's not that fucking hard, don't be such a baby about it.

You people crack me up with the spitting. As long as it's not urination (a la Brad Pitt in Fight Club) you won't taste any difference - everyone's spit tastes about the same. And you won't get a virus from it either, it's not like using anthrax instead of powdered sugar on your dessert. So maybe the wait-staff feels better after that, but it doesn't make a iota of difference to you, the customer.

whenever you get a meal, look at the total, double it and move the decimal one place to the right. That is an decent tip.

considering you just instructed the readers to add 200% to the check, calling that a decent tip is an understatement. what you actually mean is to move the decimal point one place to the left. nitpicky, i know.

Alex, not really. I see how that comment came out, but I prefer to tip well anyway, so I'm not intimidated into giving a good tip. It's just when a dollar more is too much and a dollar less is too little, there's no reason why I shouldn't give more.

If I undertip, I'm screwing them over and I'm violating a social contract, basically. And if I dick someone over, I deserve to get dicked over in return.

If I overtip, that dollar won't mean anything to me in the long run, but it will to the delivery guy, and I can show my appreciation for delivering in bad weather or coming up 3 flights of stairs. That they have my address on record is just incentive.

Yeah, I see what you're saying - a waiter's gotta provide decent service to receive a good tip. That goes without saying, doesn't it? And since you weren't making much of a point, the list of demands, albeit all reasonable, and "don't think the tip is guaranteed" came off petulant and just rubbed me the wrong way.

Anon1, after you grow up you are not so concerned with comebacks anymore. You also learn what's wrong with TGIF. It'll come to you eventually.

Spinachdip, if you think it goes without saying, you don't go to restaurants much... or read the post or the comments closely. The sense of entitlement coming out is ridiculous. Noting in my list was outragueous or out of line, yet all of you thought I should get my food spit on. Aside from the faulty logic (tips come at the end and I don't act like a jackass yelling at waiters or sanpping fingers or anything like that) my point is that WD's equation at the end is wrong; it should be "good service brings good tipping and we are all winners at the end". Maybe not much of a point to you but it's a long sight better than "my indian delivery guy has my address and I'm afraid he'll spit on my food".

I agree with you on the overtipping though. My personal rule is 20% or more, minimum 5 bucks if it's table service (even if the bill is less than $25) and 2 bucks minimum for delivery. I'll say more, most waiters earn it, just like I'm sure most customers are not terror cases.

I think tipping all depends on the situation and the server. Good servers get good tips. If its a busy night, I'll tip 20% as usual if they do their best to attend to me. Miami is a shitty market to judge service on though. The attitude here is like the title of a shitty movie - You Got Served. Basically, servers here act like you should feel priviledged to eat at their establishment and then you should give them a big tip because they carried food to your table and thats about it. F that. Im pretty easy. You take care of me, I take care of you. Same holds true for everything else in life whether it be work, play, or sex.

Anon1, that would be the New Times. I can't take credit for it though, as it was given to my partner, before I started contributing to the blog.

As far as the rest goes, you totally got me. I have to start pretending being somebody else. Maybe an inmature 30 year old Republican brat with total assholes for parents and a compulsive masturbation habit? What do you think?

Alex - I can take anything you throw at me but who the fuck are you to talk shit about my parents. You don't know anything about my family you fucking piece of shit. I live right here in Orlando motherfucker so anytime you are feeling frisky give me a call and I will come down and pay you a visit.

And for all of you who are curious about this assclown Alex, the award his blog won is from some little shitty alternative newspaper his buddy writes. People usually use it to as lining for their cats' litter boxes.

I've been a server, so am guilted into leaving a decent tip even if the service is horrible.I appreciate a friendly server who is equally attentive to each person at the table. Doesn't take much to keep me happy, just an apology if service is slow, and if you keep my wine glass full while i'm waiting for my food the tip will be extra big :)

Ah, the good ole days of being a waitress and bartender. I think every single one of these thoughts has gone through my head at some point or another. And to those ordering the pina coladas and strawberry daquiris, my reply was always, "I'm so sorry, my blender is broken." Worked every time.Great post, this is my first time here and I think now I'll go read more.

I actually didn't mind making those froofy drinks when I was bartending. I don't really know why.

When I'm out and I want to order a drink that requires a blender, I try to get more people in my party to order the same thing... if the bartender or the waiter's gonna have to pull out the blender.. may as well really pull out the blender!

I would also bet my co-workers about whether or not a drink they'd made, but mangled (not that they'd admit that they mangled it) would get sent back. I made a couple of bucks off of them every single time, too.

Johnny, I actually would say something like that. I'm pretty keen of emphasizing stuff. I don't always use swearing for emphasis, but I almost *always* emphasize.

Johnny has been accused of leaving sexual comments on female's blogs. One of the bloggers tracked him down and is almost sure that it is him. Some of these comments were playful in nature, others were not.

I am giving you this one chance Johnny to close your mouth and crawl back into your hole. If you do not, I will be forced to pull an Ed Bradley and really expose you.

man, i have wanted to break it down like this for so many assholes out there. a friend of mine once had someone say to her, after being tipped 10% for a party of 10 (4 kids) who had ordered 4 lobster dinners and their kids had made a wholly mess of the restaurant, that she should get a raise. it was all she could do to not scream back at them that they could go fuck themselves. i hope you don't mind if i quote you directly in the future!

Good post!!I have never had to wait tables, but many of my friends have. I hear about their agony. So I've always tipped pretty well--regardless. If the waiter was a little off, I attributed to him/her having a bad night and tipped anyway. I would always think of my buddies having to wait tables.

T. and that anonymous who pointed out my decimal movement error: Thank you! I laughed my ass off at the finger putting down instructions. I would correct it but I think its funnier this way.

Anon1 - Good points but Alex and Rick, who do Stuck on The Palemtto, are actually probably the best-konwn and most widely read bloggers in Miami. That is no comment on the content, but its as close to Gawker or Wonkette we get down here. Its basically a commentary on local news in South Florida. The rest of argument is between you guys. Have fun.

Crappy Editor: Cab Drivers are not included. I fucking hate those fuckers. And i have no diea how much thye make

IC - Aesticians, hairdressers, etc make a lot more than waiter son their base. that being said, they fuck up your hair you look like shit so they really have you by the balls. I tip my stylist about 40%, but then again he gives me an insane discount.

Here's a good tip....Go to school, get an education and get a real job.If you don't want to wait on people do something different with your life.I'm a good tipper but an even better tipper at places where the checks are small. I think it's ridiculous that I have to pay the same 15-20% when my server is bring me a meal that costs double what it should becuase it's at some high price restaurant. If I order an $8.99 burger or a $21.95 steak and there's still only one plate theat the server brings me why should I have to tip more?I also always tend to tip more at breakfast because for some reason it aways seems like the most work for the server, side of bacon, toast, butter, coffee refills, etc. and the bill is usually pretty low. So I "over tip" at cheap breakfasts and "under tip" at snobby overpriced places.

I tip according to the service. Normal service, you get 15-20%. Great service warrants more. Shitty service gets less. Atrocious service get's 0. Normal service is getting the order right, being somewhat attentive to the table and not copping an attitude like I just fucked your mother in the ass and poured sugar in your gas tank even though all I asked for was another glass of water. I don't ask for much and I don't send stuff back unless it's horribly botched or bitch at the waitstaff, but if you act like you don't give a shit about me or the people in my party, you're not getting a tip. I've worked in the service industry as a barback, server and bartender and I never felt I was entitled to a great tip for giving average service. If waiters, servers, etc don't like that, then to quote Mr. Pink, "I got two words for you, learn to fuckin type."

Anon1 - why are you so thin-skinned? Did you get beat up as a child so you have to act tough now? What I said to you was nothing, just friendly trash talk. The other dude was insulting you much more than me. Go stalk him. Oh, and as far as making comments on other people's blogs, I don't comment anonymously, so you can ALWAYS see what I write. If you have a problem with me, tell me. You need to chill.

Although everything WD says is true, I draw different conclusions from him. I've worked service and that was the motivator to leave service, get an education, and go into a profession that pays well. Now, I don't treat service workers like shit but I also don't tip more than I have to (15% tip is still my norm). And, if things keep going at this rate, 30% tipping will become the norm. Overtipping is not the solution needed to reach a living wage.

Plus, if a little visine or saliva ends up in my food/drink, even better. Who died from that? No me. If I were WD, i'd be more worried about where his girlfriend wipes her finger after she sticks it in his ass for his beloved prostate massage.

First off Lauren, you don't know me or how I tend to act in public. If I was complimenting a girl on her looks, it was done with the utmost respect. Secondly, I didn't call her a bitch to her face. Third, I'm guessing throwing ice and daquiri mix in the blender is super tough. Having worked in the service industry i'd say its about as easy as a milk shake. Oh, and the people at Jamba Juice had a good laugh at that as well Fourth, "everyone" not just me thought it was ridiculous and that the drink was on the house. 5th, we (myself and the waiter) talked about more than her "ass" which to remind you again wasn't actually part of the conversation. 6th, I live in Washington, where people are paid at least minimum wage, which here is higher than most places around the country. A lot who have done it for a while make more than that, plus tips. 7th, I havn't paid a cent of taxes on my tips. Reading comprehension as well, I said "virtually". In her case, I'm guessing "totally". This TGIFridays has actually closed, probably due to shitty service. EAD

Right on brother! I'm a bar manager from the big country to the north and i have given my employees to gently adjust customer attitudes. After 10 years in the biz, I am still astounded by the number of clowns who think that snapping at another human is an acceptable way of garnering attention. Im my house it's a great way to get five accross the eye. I would also like to add to your post the following: The cute girl who is brining you your dirinks is only talking to you becasue you are a walking pay check. Do not ever try and grab a waitress, i have seen some of my girls wield their serving trays like viking war hammers in situations like that.

The whole mandatory tip should be eliminated. I remember when tipping was based on quality of service. For example, the TGI Friday's on the beach has a mandatory tip, but 9.999 out of 10 I will leave a substantial extra tip. Why? The staff there is friendly, the food tastes good, the drinks are strong, and they hook me up with coke (the legal kind) for the road if I need to sober up. Now, when you go to BK and you specifically ask for NO MAYO on a chicken sandwich (White Dade I hear you, bro:)), your sandwich comes gooped up with mayo and they still have a little tip cup up front???