I’m an expert at finding humor and grit for tough times. “Ode to Blindness” chronicles some true stories of what has happened to me since I lost my central vision in 1994. An example line: “Don’t pat the butt of the man standing next to you unless you’re sure that he’s your mate.”

I’m an expert at finding humor and grit for tough times. “Ode to Blindness” chronicles some true stories of what has happened to me since I lost my central vision in 1994. An example line: “Don’t pat the butt of the man standing next to you unless you’re sure that he’s your mate.”, Female Vocals, Comedy Music, Novelty Songs

Description: I’m an expert at finding humor and grit for tough times. “Ode to Blindness” chronicles some true stories of what has happened to me since I lost my central vision in 1994. An example line: “Don’t pat the butt of the man standing next to you unless you’re sure that he’s your mate.”

Introduction (spoken)
I want to tell yo some true stories about what it is like being me and about all
the adventures you might have if you lose your ability to see.
Don’t brush your teeth with ‘Preparation H’, It foams but it does not clean.
and listen for the little birdie to chirp to make sure that the light is green.
And keep your ears wide open in case someone says: You’re going the wrong way!
That’s my advice, I have for you If you go blind today.
If you go blind today life can still be fun
if you don’t go insane when people say (arms crossed) “It’s over there.
when you ask for directions.
Don’t walk into an airport bathroom without first checking the sign
cuz if you’re in the wrong bathroom the men won’t fuss or whine.
They’ll simply raise their faces to you like so many cows chewing their hay! (Moo)
That’s my advice I have for you if you go blind today.
If you go blind today life can still be fun
if you don’t go insane when people say,
“Can you hear?” after a ten minute conversation!
Don’t touch the butt of the man standing next to you unless you’re sure that he’s your mate.
For if he’s not your husband, “Oy! The problems you’ll create!
Just wave your cane and smile sweetly and say,“Are you talking to me!” Hey!
That’s my advice, I have for you if you go blind today.
If you go blind today life can still be fun
if you don’t go insane when people say, “Your seat is 38B!’
Ooo! Ex-as-per-a-tion!
Bridge: Going blind is really a bummer but it’s not a tragedy.
Don’t let your joy die on your retina
and you can be just as happy as me!
If you go blind today, life can still be fun
if you don’t go insane
(spoken)
when you stick your fingers in a light socket when you’re
trying to screw it in or when you accidentally wash your face with hair
conditioner or when you lose your sense of humor.
Don’t lose your sense of humor! If you go blind today.