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Monday, August 29, 2005

There's Culture, and there's Counter Culture

There is no such thing as a perfectly individualistic individual.

For eons, man has been trying to act 'cool', stand out from among the group, be the centre of attention and be the first to do this and do that. But I would like to point out to you that, Too bad, you ain't the first one to do it.

Nothing is new under the sun. Everything has been made by a creator and that ain't you. Man does not have the ability to create anything. He just merely harnesses its power. Edison did not invent light, he found a way to change electricity into light. Dear Mr. Bell didn't create electricity, he learned the tricks of nature and found a way to harnessed the power that he studied in lightning.

So too are we, today. We are all trying very hard to come up with something new, fashion, ways or writing, ways of thinking...

So the news for you today is... You aren't the only one who thinks like that!

Whenever you engage yourself into a form of culture, say gothic mixed with punk mixed with whatever, you are actually performing out of your culture, and whatever culture that you've studied and assimilated. That is called innovation.

The poorest of you guys out there are those who think that you are starting a new trend, and that you are the only one who's doing this in your neighbourhood. Sorry to say that if you would look around at other people more than you would look at yourself, you'll find that you are either the direct opposite of some form of culture (counter-culture) or you are just mixing a few cultures together and call it a new culture.

That's it...

I seriously don't know why I have the ability to be so engulfed in my emotions every-now-and-then...

I am supposed to be emotionless. I am supposed to be cold. Not cool, COLD. I am supposed to be able to shut out my emotions and get on with my job/task/chore.

But now, it seems that I've changed. Maybe the more I put myself out in the open, the more unprotected I get. I've used to have friends that are more to acquaintences rather than confidantes. Maybe because of that, I've never trusted them, and never really opened myself to them. But now, since I've gotten attached emotionally with my girlfriend, maybe I've changed into the unthinkable. Me... a sensitive, empathising, emotional MAN??? NOooOOoooOOOoooo!!!!

Anyways, I've decided to stay in KL for at least another few years... Maybe until I see the light at the end of the tunnel.

sigh... Mondays are always bad.

p.s. I applied for a day of (Advanced Leave) and found that I potentially have 3 days in my account. hhhmmm...

My Parents are in town...

And they keep hinting that I should go back...

Well, in actual fact, I can just dump everything and leave within 7 days notice. I have no possesions nor fixed assets, and all I need is to get myself packed, and board a plane. My car will travel via ferry, and will arrive in no more than 2 weeks time, and basically, all my other stuff can be thrown away. I have a super old computer, which isn't even worth the journey to get itself sold off as a second-hand good, a fridge which is around 4 years old which I am sure I could sell for around RM200, and then, everything else can either be given away, or simply dumped...

But if I leave, then I would be leaving behind friendships that have been built for the past 5 years. Emotional baggages, struggles that we've gone through together, responsibilities that need to be delegated, and substitutes found, so.... In terms of physical stuff, nothing is holding me back. But in terms of human relationships and friendships, everything is holding me back.

Friday, August 26, 2005

They say...

Never Go Back...

Don't go back to your previous company, knowing full-well the reasons you left.

If there's one thing good about being Chinese, is that our philosopy of life can be tied down to the ONE principle: Life should be a process of progress. If you are a degree holder, your son should be at least a double-degree holder...

And if you are already that far in your life, don't turn back. Push on forward.

That's why, there is no way a son is going to ask his dad to stay in a smaller house.

We strive and labour and toil and suffer so that we may see brighter days ahead. Jumping over obstacles, swerving to the left and right dodging bullets, and when all that fails, we knock the obstacles down, even if it's going to take our lives. That is the determination that we must have, that is the philosophy we must live by.

That is why, wherever there is a big population of Chinese people, there is a messed up economy. Because our determination for a better tomorrow will help us make sacrifices for our future generations. We are willing to work for a meagre salary, and suffer in the short term, so that our sons and daughters may have the necessary education and tools to succeed in life.

That's why, in UK, part-time wages have dropped to an all-time low... 7-10 years ago, no one would work part-time at the local fish and chips for anything less that 7 sterlings per hour... Now, since the Chinese nationals have been flocking in, no one dares ask for anything more than 4 pounds...

Yes, I've done my homework... almost went over for a jump... The common notion is 'Why become a second class citizen in Malaysia when you can be a second class citizen in UK?'

It's been 100 years now since my ancestors first set foot on the shores of Malaysia, and still we find ourselves treated as second class citizens. Shameful... and to say that we have been an independent nation for 48 years now, it's much more shameful when you think about why we are still not a Bangsa Malaysia. More than 3 generations have passed since the British 'Divide and Conquer' policy, and yet, we are still divided?

Doesn't talent count for anything?

The employement market in our Negara yang Tercinta is messed up I tell ya.

Just a browse through the recruitment section of any local newspaper and you'll find that everyone is looking for 2-3 years working experience in related field. The only people who employ fresh grads are the direct marketers that teach you how to "Sir, can i interest you in this brilliant piece of calculation device? Go ahead, press the number 5 button. See, the number '5' shows up on the screen!" during your breakfast, lunch, and dinner at your local eateries. And how does this count as 'Experience in related field'?

So where does one get the 2-3 years working experience in related field? Companies that cut and dice your salaries into chunks so small it wouldn't even give a tee bit of resistance when you bite it. They give you the minimum wage with which you may survive, and expect you to come fully dressed, hair freshly cut, properly shaved, nice shoes, with own transport. So how does that equate lar?

And then there are those who are out to make a quick buck out of unsuspecting juvenile spawns that just came out into the pond. Oh, we will be hiring you as a senior, but you will still be getting a junior's pay because you do not have enough experience. And when Mr. Senior cannot perform his duties, then he is incompetant issit? It's like hiring a tadpole to do a frog's job... and the worst is, the pond doesn't train the tadpole because apparently, he's the 'senior'.

And so the story goes...

So what about talent? Doesn't talent count for anything? Why can't companies take a fresh grad for three months probation (which is the usual practice), give him a good salary (because he's talented and is a good prospect) and gauge his performance during the three month probation period? In the end, if it doesn't work out, the only loss you'd have made was you've wasted three months' worth of salaries due only wah. And if you'd have employed someone else at on a smaller figure, but has no talent?

So working hard (and showing it to the boss that you are) is the trick to a boss' heart is it?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Desparation...

I am scared of being desparate, and also scared of desparate people. But I find Desparate Housewives kinda entertaining.

Anyhows, it's a tight rope to walk when it comes to employment. The employer will take advantage of desparate employees, and the employees will take advantage of the desparate employers... It's so hard to find a balance. The harder road to travel on will be the ones where the employers know you are desparate for the job. And being an employee, I am also afraid of desparate employers, where everything the client wants, the client gets. That will definately throw your life into chaos.

Clients do have a knack of coming up with a lot of last minute stuff. And, agencies will thus press their equally desparate suppliers into doing all kinds of funny jobs and requests. I've worked in an agency where FAST is the motto and flagship service. Whenever the client wants a last minute job to be done, where no other agency will take, they come to us. How messed up is that!? Thus, I constantly found myself rushing the job for no good reason, pressing the suppliers into working overtime, and doing twice the work, because all this ad-hoc and last minute jobs have always last minute changes.

It's a tight-rope, and it's up to me where I want to fall; The left (desparate employers) or the right (desparate employee)...

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

It's crunch-time!!!

I've been handed quite a lot of jobs recently, and I now face a big pile on top of my desk.

I just hope that this situation will not reflect more on my incompetence or maybe the company is trying to force me into making errors and take the excuse to fire me...

Life has been up and down recently, maybe it's because I don't take defeat easily, and recently, especially after the company decided to pro-long my probation period, I felt inadequate. Maybe I am really not good enough...

I just hope that I don't fall into depression.

Well, you'll be hearing less of me from now onwards... got no time to think... need to finish up my work.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Turn of fortunes?

Suddenly, everything started to look up...

I was so emotionally down and drained yesterday that I didn't want to turn up for work today. The company didn't want to confirm me and prolonged my probation period because I was 'weak in certain areas' and wasn't on par with their expectations, but today, I think I've performed enough to warrant at least something.

Then, during lunch, my previous employers buzzed me asking me whether I would be interested in rejoining them. Suddenly, I wasn't wanted, and suddenly, I was a prized commodity.

It was only when i am starting to get the hang of things, the company said that I wasn't good enough. Yes, i wasn't good enough in a sense that I have yet to fit in entirely into the system, but I am not the type who would rustle feathers just to get things done. For the past 2 and a half months, I've been entangled with some office politics, trying to gauge everyone's actions and reactions, trying to figure out how things worked at this place, and when I have just seen the light at the end of the tunnel, I got reveiwed and was told that my probation period will be prolonged.

Comments well received, and now I have the license and freedom to rustle the feathers of my colleagues. You can't blame me for this also, because I am a victim of circumstance. I didn't get to see the previous copywriter work, and how the team functioned, so I didn't know where's my line.

But now, I am more determined to stamp my mark on this issue and rise above it. I am not one who would turn my back on a challenge now that I've understood how the game is played. So, that's a 'No' to my previous employers. You may brand me as a slow starter, but that's how I am. I am one who would collect all my cards first, then decide how I would play them.

Monday, August 22, 2005

The price of leadership...

Being a leader in a small local church, I am required to do quite a lot of things. Not that I want to brag about my abilities, but all these responsibilities are circumstantial.

Well, here's a list of what my priorities are.

1. Cell group leading ~ Now, because we have just multiplied, I would need to run a 1 man operation for at least another month. But care needs to be given, relationships need to be built. A true leader is the most willing servant.2. Worship Team ~ I play the guitar, and I sing, and I can do PA as well. Now, the team has added worship leading into the list.3. Nurture classes ~ Because I am one of the more senior guys in a college-ministry-focused church, I need to nurture a few new believers in the ways of the Christian faith.4. Saturday night driver ~ There's a group of students in Bukit Jalil that needs transport to come to church, and because I have a clean driver's record, I am one of the few people who can drive the church transport to fetch them from Bukit Jalil. Although I enjoy it very much, but that leaves me with very little time for my weekends. and now, because another driver is going back hometown for a short period of 4 weeks, I will now have to drive the van to fetch children to church on Sunday afternoons as well.5. Personal relationships ~ I need time to nurture relationships with my girlfriend, and some other friends. That's why, weekend sports activities are important. Friday nights, basketball. Sunday evening, Football. We are trying to re-start badminton as well. All this is also important for my health. Chances are, if anything will kill me, it's heart disease.6. I need to go to both English services ~ (saturday night and sunday morning) because most of my cell members are in Saturday night (more youthful and vibrant) and I am leading worship on Sunday mornings.7. Occasional meetings ~ being a leader, there will of course be meetings here and there.

Well, that's basically how I live my life every weekend. So it's work to earn a living during the week, and work so that others may 'live' during weekends. Sometimes, I do wonder, why can't a church of 300 find someone else to do such things?

I am so loaded with responsibility that sometimes, I forget to acknowledge God, come back to Him and be still.

Maybe I need to share more of this in Cell, and throw down the gauntlet of showing myself as strong even when I am weak. Maybe I need to learn how to say 'No' to certain requests, but then I also know that the guys up in the church adminstration will only come to me when they're really desparate because they know of the burden on my shoulders...

so... it's indeed very difficult to say 'No' sometimes because most of the time, I am the only one who's able to do it.

Sometimes, I do pity my cell members because I have so much to do, sometimes they get neglected. My pretty girlfriend as well, sometimes, she will suffer from a lack of attention because i simply have not got the time to give her the attention. and I do thank God for her because she is the one who encourages me through thick and thin. She will be there for me whenever she can, sitting beside me on my driving excursions, helping me do stuff that i do not have time for, and other stuff.

As for my cell members, they will need to learn to be independent. I can only do so much, but God can do so much more. So sometimes, all I can do is to let God deal with them.

My Black T-Shirt

Maybe it's a coincidence, but it does start to seem like whenever I wear this particular black coloured t-shirt of mine, something bad happens. I've been through a few mistakes on jobs and gotten into trouble with a colleague or so whenever I wear the t-shirt.

This observation has been on my mind from some time back now, and yet today, when I was getting ready for work, I pulled it on with the thought in mind. It was conveniently placed and my hand just reached out and grabbed hold of it. As I was slipping it on, ready to make my way to the car, i truly had this thought that "Ok, let's see if i will get into any sort of trouble today at the office while wearing this t-shirt." and truly so, the boss called me into his office to talk about my confirmation and review my performance thus far. And guess what? I am getting another 2 months probation period because apparently, I am not at par with what the company expects from me.

Well, I've done some sitting down in the toilet and thinking about what went wrong, and I think it is down to the fact that I have not shown enough initiative and not shown enough effort in front of my bosses. But playing suck-up is just not my style. Yes, maybe i've not blend in as they would have liked me to, but I didn't get any proper briefing from the very beginning. I am almost 3 months in the job and I am only starting to get myself used to the office politics and how the workflow and the entire process works. Well, i guess life is like that.

From now on I'll have to fend for myself, and try out everything. This is but a minor failure on my part, but it's not nothing that cannot be mended. All I need now is to be more determined, maybe sit down and re-assess myself in terms of what I want, what I can attain, and how to get them.

It's the Weekend!!!

Did the job that I was supposed to do last night, so I'm free tonight. Although I would need to bring a birthday girl to dinner... but still, it'll be a time to relax...

Work is piling up on my desk and I might just have to bring some shit home. Still contemplating that...

Anyways, let's just hope that today will be a good day and I can get quite a few things done by the evening.

I am also contemplating about a 'higher' calling... Well, I just hope my members will be able to take the hardships of being a disciple instead of a believer. For those who don't know the difference: A disciple walks in the way of his master. A believer can just sit on the couch and believe that there is such a thing. You can be a believer of modern medicine, but not a disciple of its ways. Get it?

So, the higher calling will be to make believers into disciples, and make disciples into leaders. Take on all challenges, no matter how hard they can be, and just keep my head down, and run towards the goal.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

The True United

Unity can be a big problem for certain organisations. People enter a group for various reasons. People who enter a group for a reason may carry with them a few physical and emotional baggages. People who come into a group with their inevitable baggages create disharmony and disunity in the group. All in all, a new face within an organisation means problems.

But it is up to the leader to make sure that these problems will not escalate into full scale conflicts.

This is what i'm learning currently. I have come into this agency not to make friends, but to work. I have ruffled a few feathers here and there, and there's bound to be people who do not like me for one reason or another. So, screw that! I am fed-up trying to be friendly to people. I am here to work, and to work to my full potential, whatever you may do to me.

Focus is important. If the whole group is focused on the same goal, then problems will play second fiddle. We are here for a greater reason than what your minute, individualistic yearnings can conjure up. We are here not to make friends, but to work as a team. We do not need to like each other, nor do we have to pretend that we are friends, but we must play to each others' strengths, instead of trying to step each other down. If an employer can attain such a spirit at the office, then he/she has the ability to harness the best of all his/her employees. The organisation will therefore have acheived perfection. (Well, at least as good as it can get)

For the past week or so,

I've been so so SO so so busy...

Well, not quite, but busy enough... I've been getting jobs top-right-centre since last week. From cars to food to cargo to insurance. Whao! Now that is some load. And the worst part is, I have to switch mentalities and styles of writing like I switch on lights. Coporate, lifestyle, simple, direct, artistic. This is taking its toll lar...

The longer I go on like this, the more dilluted I am getting. I am trying very hard not to re-use my lines from the previous job, but the words keep floating in and out of my mind. This is interesting to me because it is a totally new experience. I have never had such a need to come up with so much diversity in writing styles in my previous agency. Previously, all I did was write letters for credit card companies, getting their richest members to spend more of thier money. Now I strongly support this because it generates cash-flow for the economy but then, when you have too much of only that, life gets bored, and I started to feel like a retard.

Now, I have to switch styles of writing and come up with short but impactful headers... so this is a challenge that I am really happy to be engaged in.

Hhhhmmm... Maybe I am really learning the ropes of being a full-fledge copywriter.

It's been quite some time...

since I've gotten any revelation or even good thoughts...

That's why the reduction in quality postings.

I've been ranting about my life, my job and my everything that I haven't had the time to sit down and re-evaluate my life. Maybe I should do just that. But I constantly find myself with limited time. Jobs are coming in fast and furious, expectations are high, directions are dilluted, and ideas are far and few in between. The problems in friendships, relationships, church, commitments, you name it, I've got it.

Oh, I woke up to the sweet sound of rain today, and that's refreshing. (Although I had to crawl through a jam to get to work.) Still, it's a refreshing change for the morning. I wish I could still stay in bed for a while longer...

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Living a grown-up life...

I have to be independant, I have to take care of my own finances, and I have to plan ahead...

Never thought about those things when I was still in secondary school...

And now, I am on my way to getting my very first Credit Card!

And the worst thing is, I've been living as an adult beyond my years for quite some time now... I've been roaming around the University of Life for a year now, and it's been tough. No one to go to during times when I need help with office politics, no support when I need someone to guide me... Sigh... the life of a Leader in church... It means I have to give support to the people under my care without question/excuse.

Well, the ultimate sacrifice that one can give to another is to give up one's life for a friend... and to an extent, we are called to do that... So no complaints there... just need someone to understand, and to simply listen to...

That's why blogging, for me, is a way to emit my emontions and worries without being afraid of reprecussions... Because in real life, you can't hit the 'backspace' button... That's partially why I'm into writing rather than broadcasting. I am very VERY into radio and tv actually, but it's because I tend to suck at spontaneity that i gave it up... So i became a writer instead... :)

I have never gotten to understand...

why people would simply post lyrics of a song onto their blog and pass it off as an entry...

today, I think, I see the light at the end of the tunnel...

The love of God is greater farThan tongue or pen can ever tellIt goes beyond the highest starIt reaches to the lowest hell

The guilty pair bow down with careGod gave His son to winHis erring child, He reconciledand pardoned from his sin

The love of God how rich and pureHow measureless and strongIt shall forevermore endureThe saints and angels song

Tried my hand at leading 'singsparation' and it came out not as bad as I thought it would. and I had the nerve to go select a hymn of such calibre, leaving most of my music team huffing and puffing for breath after the first chorus...

note to self: Don't attempt the impossible without first consulting an expert...Everything said and done, I do have a sweet tooth for hymns... :)

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

note to self:

I need to learn how to drink out of a thermos cup...

The funky thermos cup that the insurance ppl at the Bank gave me has been revolting against my usage of its services. Twice now i've gotten my lips and tongue burnt from it... It has this sealable lid that has a hatch door mechanism. And this stupid thing is too small... or is it my intelligence that's small... but the hot water inside just pours out like nobody's business as soon as the cup is tilted at a certain angle. Before that angle, nothing happens... small amounts of water come out and you can't even get a sip-full of your coffee from that...

i have now resorted to using the thermos to keep my drink warm while i drink out of a good old fashion cup.

Hhhhmmm...

Is it me or is it that my colleagues are just difficult to work with?

I mean, it can be seen as a trend that their ideas are dilluted. And when I try to add some focus to the concept, I am greeted with a slight amount of hostility. Then in the end, when the job gets reviewed by the boss, I am the one who gets the comments.

I really don't know how to work with these people. The Art Directors are always in a world of their own, doing thier own things, and expect the copy to fit into their artwork. And most of the time, the artwork is just a patch work of a few of the USP's of the idea that we're selling... Then, when the copy cannot make any sense of the artwork, I kena... Even if the pictures used are misrepresentations of the product, I also kena... They simply put in copy of their own, I kena... When I want to change things, they don't let me... Only when the boss comes and gives everyone a good knock in the head then only I get to change the things...

Hope...

Well, I came to realise as I was walking home from my girlfriend's apartment. All beliefs play on the fact that you, the believer, put hope into your belief. And certain parties take advantage of this and this can send you through a wild goose chase. Let me show you how...

Well, if I am a well known religious figure, and you so happen to come to me for some advice on you getting a partner of some sort. Then, out of no where, I pull a statement out of my bag and say, "A family man will cross your path today." Remember, I am a religious man, and you come to me asking for my advice and whatever I say will be devine to you. Whereas, I can simply say a vague term like 'Family man' and you're off. And it so happens you see a man walking some distance away from you with a basket of fresh laundry. And so happens, you know the fella from Gym and it is his habit to be walking along that path with his fresh laundry daily. Then, the prophecy is true?

Such is the power of hope.

Such hope can easily be manipulated. Lenin took control of Russia after the war because he gave them hope. The Russian peasants were poor, they were helpless, and they had nothing! So out came a man, claimed that he will give them Food, Jobs, and Possesions. And thus, he became their dictator. and we all know how everything unfolded in the Lenin-Stalin Era. KGB, oppression, Secret police, living in fear...

The same goes for religion. There are so many jokers out there who claim they have direct access to God and this and that. So, the most important thing that I must highlight here is that you must look for the truth by blocking out the vague statements in religion like "You will be in paradise if you do good."

Paradise? Some paradise can be bought with money. If you give someone the playboy mansion, that's their paradise. Good? Some people think that being a good man means giving loads of money to charity, even if the money had been gained through unlawful channels.

Monday, August 15, 2005

How i spent my 2-hour lunch today

I went off for 'lunch' today at exactly 1pm...

I had 1 thing to do, actually 2...

1. Get my roadtax renewed at the Bank that was holding my pink slip. They said they offered the whole package, so all I needed to do was to bring along my cover note from last year... and they'll settle everything for me...

2. Get myself a credit card from the same Bank so that all my credits are in 1 place...

So, I spent the entire 2 hours outside the office...

1/2 an hour getting myself through numerous traffic light stops for a 2 km trip,1 and 1/2 hour getting my stuff keyed into the system and then being told that the system is playing tricks on me, that the whole process needed to be re-done...

and i spent my entire lunch-time without eating lunch...

how fun was that??

and the reward I get from all this, a thermos where I can safely put my Milo+Coffee complimentary from the Bank and its Insurer...

Well, there are different people...

and there are indifferent people...

There are those in an organisation who can talk, talk and talk... They hog almost every committee that they can be in, they give a whole lot of arguments, they know all the pros and cons of a certain action, they can even give you an in depth analysis of a whole lot of things from the back of thier mind...

But how much can they do?

In any given organisation, these people are important none-the-less, but how effective are they when it comes to really getting thier hands dirty? and how much influence can they have?

Cultural capital is a very important issue to begin with. Your cultural capital determines how many people listen to you when you talk on a particular subject. Some people list it down as influence, but cultural capital is bigger than influence. If you are renowned for your ability to do something, then you are considered as an authority in that topic. Now that is cultural capital. Influence is when people listen to you and your suggestions out of your ability to give a superb prep-talk!

hhhmmm... see the difference?

Those people can continue to sit at thier lofty managament level responsibilities and make decisions. I would rather make changes from the grassroot levels.

Well, I was sitting down with a friend on a lazy Saturday afternoon, and we commenced on discussing about church. We were talking about how little things that are done in church can have a huge bearing in the whole community. Say, 1 small group of people start to talk to all the new friends in church, although the action is not significant, but it helps to create a very permiable and friendly environment in church. I have the privilege to attend a Youth Service a few years back where the only person to shake hands with me, welcoming me, was the pastor himself! the other church members just did not bother... maybe I was not wearing my hippest clothes or something, but no one, and i repeat NO ONE even gave me a nod or a smile... Now what is that lar???

so I've set a standard for my Cell, that we must be a very friendly and approachable bunch of people. Their homework every week, is to make a new friend feel welcomed in church. And I hope this helps new friends to FCC so that they won't feel that no one cares for them in church.

I need a Holiday!!!

Well, not a real holiday for myself, but a holiday to bring ym parents around..

They'll be down in KL for the Merdeka weekend and I want to take a day or two off so that I can bring them around... But then, there's this lousy client of mine that wants us to pitch for a multi-million ringgit job on tentatively 1st September!!! How messed up is that!??

I mean, I know you guys are international company, but can respect our country a bit or not? Let the citizens of this country rest a bit more can or not?? Set the freaking date for the presentation on 1st September so that we have one extra day to work on the 31st issit???

Now that is so frustrating... but never-the-less, i'll hand in my leave application as well... muahahahaha

and now, to toil and labour without much or a brief, without enough information, and we don't even freaking know how the product looks like... have to find out through the internet, but then, we don't even have the specs of the product... how to sell??? How to sell I ask you...???

Friday, August 12, 2005

Signing off for the weekend!

YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At last, some time to do something that i like... Resting at HOME!!!

Well, it was nice knowing ya...

The complaints about being too busy will start next week... now, i'm taking my own sweet time to snake a bit... things will definately pick-up with a pitch coming up in 2 weeks time... *Another pitch, another run-in with the difficult colleague who will always, without fail, conjure up something at the very last minute...

It's times like these...

When i have nothing to do at the office, that life becomes a meloncholical bliss of irony and melonchaly...

The haze seems to have receded but there's still much smoke in the air... visibility is still bad, but at least inside the office, we can't smell much of it... and the fact that there's an air-condition unit blowing straight at me from behind, i can't be bothered too much, unless of course, I start to tremble in coldness.

Well, life has been a good three days of complaining about the haze and i haven't been able to think of anything lately... only worried about my finances and whatever-nots... My car's roadtax is due two mondays now, and i have to get an act together so that I will be able to get it renewed in time... well, i actually wanted to go to the bank today, but the haze told me not to... so I decided that I'll go on monday... Well, 1 week should be sufficient for them to get everything ready by then guah... only takes a few hours to reneew my insurance and register for my roadtax... so...

When will this stop!!??

This haze is really getting me sick...

I simply cannot comprehend why must it be that way...

And for you guys who's never had any extraordinary phenomenon, YES! there was a hail storm yesterday in and around Subang Jaya. Droplets of ICE with the diametre of roughly 1.5cm dropped from the sky and my friend was right in the middle of it. His car skidded as a result of an icy road, and according to him, hail stones in England weren't even this big!

Imagine hail stones in the middle of a tropical country that's facing a hell of a time with all this haze and heat???

Well, at first, when I heard the news from phone calls to the office from worried wives at home, I thought that it was actually droplets of rain that's gathered a mass of ash and dirt from the atmosphere hailling down. But when i got back home, i asked my friend... and he confirmed that it was ICE!!!

Now, was it really a phnomenon of too much heat and pressure thus forming the ice in the atmosphere? or was it a government cloud seeding gone bad???

hhhmmmm...

p.s. I wonder if the MPPJ people will be here today... (All hail *no pun intended* The Yang Di-Pertuan MPPJ)

Let me tell you exactly....

It is this bad...

1. The whole office, although fully air-conditioned, looks blurry.2. As a result of that, my eyes are slightly watery.3. My brain is still trying very hard to cope with the blurred vision, thus resulting in slight dizziness4. My throat is coarse, and i've started to cough5. All i can smell is the smell of smoke from the haze.6. Coffee smells like smoke but taste like caffeine7. and the MPPJ parking attendants are downstairs trying to saman my colleague for not paying her parking fees...

And the award goes to...

The MPPJ Parking Officers who are facing the harsh environment out there in the name of the Yang Di-Pertuan MPPJ!

Force of Nature...

It's payback time for us humans. We've been treating mother nature so badly, now she retaliates!

Sometimes, living in a metropolitan capital, we tend to forget that there's a bigger force of nature at work in our lives. We have been focusing on ourselves, what we can do, how much we can achieve in the next 3 years, and we think we can control our lives and everything that surrounds it, including nature!

Everything can be dealt with technology and the advancement of it. Rivers can be re-directed, trees can be made to grow faster, stronger, food can be mass produced, and little do we realise, it's because of technology that we destroyed the earth. The earth was perfect, until man took-over. However much man can try to rectify nature, by plating trees, saving forests, protecting endangered species, and whatever nots, we cannot simulate what nature has accumulated over thousands of years. An eco-system, untouched by man, has been hanging in perfect balance and harmony for all eternity can remember. Along came man, they saw, they conquered, and they destroyed that balance. Many of us fail to realise that the extinction of even one species of bug will throw the eco-system into chaos...

Well, now that mother nature decides to fight back, we are now faced with an incurable situation. We've managed to control earth, wind and fire... but we've not been able to control air. No matter how much wind you can huff and puff up, you won't be able to blow the haze away. Water and rain will only cure the situation for only a moment. Afterwhich, the smoke will still slowly crawl back into the space between the tiny molecules of clean air. There is no air filter small enough to separate haze and air, bar our lungs, and we all know how much that costs. Can I rent your lungs for a while so that I don't deteriorate my own lungs? Money can't buy you health... and money can't buy you out of this haze. So, all your dirty businessmen out there, this one's for you. Spoil the environment will you?? all for a little extra cash in your pocket will you?? so that you can live comfortably will you?? now suffer and die! along with the rest of us!

saddenning... it is in times like these that I contemplate the direction that the earth is going... sometimes, I do find it better that i do not bring a child into the earth. Afterall, the way the future is looking, life can only get worse. Even my grandmother understands thist fact. So, boys and girls, think of what the future holds when you get married and plan for a baby. What will become of the earth when your child grows up? What kind of earth will they be inheritting?

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Lunchtime Post

Well, I've been sitting around the office with nothing much to do. I do have 1 job on my hands, but it's no rush... so i'm taking my sweet time in thinking up what stuff to write for this client of mine...

Well, everything's so slow these days that it's like i'm on holiday or something... This is the enjoyable part of working in the creative... when times are slow, it gets real slow... but when there's a big project, we work like dogs... so, i've learnt to give and take... as long as i am not required to work on saturdays...

Well, today is officially my 365th day in employment. I started at this miserable excuse for an agency officially on the 9th of August 2004, although I was somewhat duped into going to the office to 'read up on my clients' a few days earlier. So now you understand why I shifted agencies...

Life has been relatively good so far, except for the fact that I am still under-paid... How do you expect a man to be financially independent when salaries are growing at a snail's pace whereas expenses are rocketing like nobody's business??? Sometimes I do wonder... All the talk about Malaysia being one of the best countries to live in... hhhmmm...and seriously, if i had to pay income tax, I would've complained more...

Well, since i've got nothing to better to do after a quick and meaningless lunch, here's a breakdown of my monthly expenses so that you can be the judge of whether i'm weak at controlling my expenses or it's the system that's just bad...

Well... The basics will be food and shelter. I am not even talking about clothing because it's been almost a year now since I've bought anything new for my body... wait... in actual fact, all the clothes I have are officially more than 1 year old. Imagine not even getting anything new for Chinese New Year!!!???

Rent RM200 ~ I stay alone in a 6f x 11f small room.Car RM400 ~ The 2nd cheapest car in Malaysia after the Kancil takes a huge chip off my salaryPetrol RM180 ~ Price hike means RM60 for a full tank, which normally lasts me 10 days...Phone RM80 ~ I need to support 2 pre-paid lines: 1 for local use, the other for calls from hometownAstro RM50 ~ Sharing with friends for the little excitement during weekendsT&O RM150 ~ GodThat's RM1060 ~ which leaves me with approximately RM350 for food for 30 days... but in actual fact, sundries will have taken off around RM50 off that... I do need to brush my teeth, wash my hair, and shave you know!

So when i break it down, i have RM10 ringgit to spend everyday... and that is only on food... So how do i get my own savings??

so tell me... can this be made into a relevant argument to get myself a pay-raise?

Monday, August 08, 2005

Happy Anniversary....!!!

Yeah!!! It's the start of the 53rd week of my joining the workforce of Malaysia...

and that's not exactly a good thing... Struggling to make ends meet... feeding my car more than i'm feeding myself... and yet, i'm still bulky...

sigh... students, if you're reading this, whatever your lecturers tell you about getting a degree and an RM2,000 salary each month after your degree, that's horse-shit... i've been working for a year now and i'm still quite a mile away from the distance...

Reality check: Take a look at the papers and you'll see that everyone out there is asking for experienced personnel... so the most important question is, where do the inexperienced go to gain their experience??? cheap small time employers that's willing to risk a few clients on your incompetant hand for a cut-throat price of a salary... when you ask for more, then, they tell you that you've got no relevent experience...

The other alternative is, you get yourself into a huge international company and get paid RM2,000 per month, and might as well prepare yourself to sleep, bathe, and eat in your office... so...

Friday, August 05, 2005

Continued....

Well, I'm Desmond and I'm working as a copywriter in a fully-accredited, medium-sized, fully local advertising agency. I graduated last year from M.U.M. with a Bachelor of Communication. This is my second agency since graduating and I would've been working for 1 whole year in 3 days time...

I am a Cell Leader in Faith Christian Centre (an Extension of St. Patrick's Anglican Church, Tawau) and I currently lead a group of rather intellectual young adults and a few art students. I play the accoustic guitar for the church band and will occasionally do vocals and p.a. as well... Well, you can call me the perfect substitute as I can multi-task in a lot of areas... including minor building maintenances.

Well, a bit of my personal life, I have been attached to my first and current girlfriend since early 1998 and we're planning to get married asap... hahaha... if you count the years, it's a lot... love her still... very much... struggling to make ends meet with my meagre salary... Need to get my own house... hate apartments because I can't plant my own mango tree... drive the 2nd-cheapest car in the Malaysian market; the Saga that looks more like an Iswara, thus it shall be known as the 'Isagawara'... dented at the sides resulting from fast driving on the highway: darn jumping stones...

About my personality and thoughts: I am rather prudent in my decision making, thus sometimes can be rather indicisive. Although I hold strongly to live my life according to Christian values and practises, it's in-built that I have become an existentialist. Everything means nothing when you've seen them all... everything means nothing when you think of the ultimate goal... Naked we came, thus naked we shall go...

and I like to post questions rather than answers...

I do sometimes think rather highly of myself but never had the guts to admit it... Have an issue with pride... but God has been teaching me... sometimes, most of the time, through the hard way... maybe I learn better that way...

Stop... Break it Down...

It's Hammer time!!! hahahahaha

Now I'm starting to get incoherently crazy...

But I just realised, the more I blog, the more of myself gets revealed... Things that are supposed to be lodged in the deep reccesses of my mind have now a channel to flow out... and it could get ugly... I mean... when I write in anonymity, I can be as unreserved as I like... but then, sooner or later, if I reveal too much of myself, things might get ugly...

I have decided...

I won't be going anywhere... I'm gonna stay and put up a good fight. Valiant till death! That is my calling...

Hahahaha... Apparently, I had a hero's breakfast... that's why the heroic tone and manner... hahahaha

Well, life is starting to suck and mostly it's due to 1 person. A colleague of mine has been getting on my nerves lately and because of this colleague, I have to suffer harsh criticism, stay back after work to pick-up shit that's left until the very last minute, and have my work shot down because of some improper and unorganised briefing. I'm trying very hard to juggle between doing my job and taking care of my own priorities in life. If I don't live up to expectations, then I become dispensable. But if living up to expectations means picking up shit from fellow colleagues, then that's not very fair ain't it? All this because I'm new in the office, because I'm a junior.

During the interview for this job, I told my current boss that I would prefer to work under a senior so that I may be able to watch and learn... but No... They hired me for the cheap and got an even cheaper junior working with me... So sometimes, I wonder if I learn better doing it the hard way... and yet sometimes, I feel that I'm not learning anything at all. All I get is criticism and for all you know, complaints from my colleagues that go straight to the boss' ears. So who's fault is it that I'm in such a situation? Is it bad management (hiring me as the more senior copywriter) or is it me not being able to live up to the boss' expectations that I can pull through??? But then, in the very beginning, i told them that i want to be the junior wah...

Sigh...

It's always hard to play chess on the office's political sphere. One wrong move and you'd have sacrificed your queen. and I've lost quite a few pawns lately... Now, I have to be on my toes so that I won't get myself checked. Maybe it's time I start going after the opponent's queen... hhhmmm...

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The cost of belief...

When you believe in something, you must follow it and be true to your heart. When you truly believe, you must follow it whole-heartedly. If you are half-hearted in doing something, then it is better off not done at all. When you make the decision to do it, and whatever the reason might be, do not go back to the time when you took that first step, because things that have been set in motion can no longer be stopped. No matter how much you would like to re-visit the time when you were young and impulsive, you have already taken that step towards your future. There's no turning back because time has already elapsed. Words that are said cannot be taken back, so is water that is spilt. Regrets are regretful and should be left alone. Before you make a decision, make sure you won't regret it. If you have doubts, then don't decide. If you can't decide, don't blame God or whoever for it. Blame your own lack of wisdom. When you have a clear mind, you know exactly what you want. When you know what you want, you stay true to your cause. When you stay true to your cause, nothing can shake you. When nothing can shake you, you know that you're on the right track. When you're on the right track, you know that the cost of following what you believe is always the road less travelled. Most of the time, you'll find that you are travelling alone. Loneliness is just a passing emotion. Only those who choose to emote have emotions. Others suffer from a dip in form. The weak will let emotions control them, the strong control their emotions. Those who rise above the challenges of life and stand firm to what they believe is true will either be stomped down or elevated to a higher plane. Those who put up a good fight will be commended. Those who fall never to rise again are destined for failure. Those who run the long race will be known as a success. Those who run and stop at intervals have a short attention span. Those who pay attention will learn. Those who learn will get through life. Those who get through life will achieve satisfaction. Those who achieve satisfaction achieve life. A life that is colourful. A life that is filled with ups and downs. A life where his following of his beliefs has brought him to uncharted territories. A life that is filled with hurts and breakthroughs, a life that is worthy of being called true. Truth. Life. Belief. Discipleship.

Serving God...

Here's another saying from my list of 'Not-so-Wise' sayings...

"There's nothing that can stop a man from serving his God but himself. Everything else just makes it either harder or easier."

I've grown to love my church so much so that it's become an intergral part of my life. Everything surrounds what I do in church... Working hours need to be adjusted so that I can go to cell group, music practice, and all the what-nots... I've changed jobs partly because of the odd working hours that doesn't let me commit to my ministries...

But now, it all hangs in a balance... I have so much to look forward to at FCC... but yet, I do feel that life in KL is not for me... I am in a race against time to settle down with my lovely girlfriend and start a beautiful family but then, if I continue to run around the maze here in KL, the future's looking more and more bleak... I've been working for a full year now... and I still need financial support from my parents simply because I can't find a large enough paycheck... I know that I can't work for money, but then, how does one survive with the lack of it? And we aren't getting any younger by the day...

Wise Saying...

Well, maybe not too wise...

" A man Full of Burdens Finds it Hard to Lay Down his Head."

Imagine a man carrying a sack of burdens on his back... he carries them wherever he goes... whatever he does... and it remains on his back all the time... When he tries to lay down his poor head, he finds himself unable to, because his burdens are still on his shoulders... Thus, he sleeps on his burdens... his head doesn't get any real rest...

What a Proposition indeed!

Life is full of choices... and with choice comes opportunity cost and thus, risk.... then there are a lot of other commitment factors... not forgetting human factors...

Life has just taken an unexpected turn on me... Suddenly, an opportunity to go back to my roots... (well, not exactly my roots, but close) sprung up, and I am hanging in the balance of whether I should take it or not... The worst part is, it's gonna be a hell of a risk. There's a time-frame and the window will close in a very short while... So the main question is, "Should I go?"

To go means:1. I have to uproot myself, my life, and everything I have accumulated here in the rat-race of Kuala Lumpur.2. I will have to forgo my social status and start afresh in a new environment3. Furniture needs to be sold4. Responsibilities need to be handed-over. Substitutes need to be found (and i can assure you that it's not gonna be easy)

A Fresh Start...

Sometimes in life, we don't get a fresh start... so when we do get a break, we need to take advantage of it...

My cell just multiplied and I need to get a good start from this week's meeting... speaking of which, I need to call this new girl that's supposed to come this weekend... * goes off to send a msg*....... *comes back*.....

There... I've done it... now back to the good start... I'll need to get a good start right from the start tomorrow night... set a new vision, a new mission, and a new system... and I haven't had too much time to think about it yet... Maybe I'll just talk about commitment... Get the fellas to sell their soul... muahahahahaha...

I "Re-filled" my car wipers last night...

Now this is something you don't see everyday...

I was walking through the hypermarket and then i suddenly found myself standing in front of the 'windscreen wipers' section... then it dawned on me that the wipers on my car are now coming to their 1 year's service... although I don't have much use for them, since i've been using the Rain X/Y/Z/O solutions and the water practically runs off my windscreen, I would still need to get a new one because the weather in Malaysia is just freaky... and who knows... I might find the rubber sticking to my windscreen one day... so I decided to get my car a brand new set...

Then, the big question came... There were re-fills and there were the ones that came with the frames... So being an economically tight person, both my girlfriend and I took the re-fills after much thought...

So, we went home, and I tried changing the ones on my car... hers will wait until saturday... so, I was the experiment... well, honestly, it does work after much reshaping of the frames... but I don't find it any better than the old ones... I squirted water onto the windscreen just to try them out and basically, the view didn't improve as I thought it would... hhhmmm.... low grade rubbers perhaps?? no wonder it was so cheap...

So the lesson of the day is, don't buy cheap re-fillable windscreen wipers...

Now... back to work... still have to finish the handed-over job... ayam...!!!!

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Slowing down for the day....

Starts at 2pm... Yeah!!!

I was bumming around the office... well sleeping on the job actually... and the boss came in... and that's how I got transferred a job from my colleague... I really had nothing to do in the office for the past 2 days and thus, I was asked to do some menial check-list check... and it was so boring that I needed a nap after every two addresses... and while I was on napping duties, the boss walked in... and thus, I got the job transfer an hour later...

Ayam!!!

but still, the mood in the office is now slowing down... it's 2pm, after lunch, and it seems that nothing much's gonna happen today...

Passion.... for???

Well, I think everyone has to admit that, as human beings, we need to have a passion for something...

I think I've been sort of a conformist and I've been accomodating a lot of things in my life... So much so, I've somehow lost track of where my passion lies. I seem to have lost my direction in terms of i do not know who i actually am right now...

It is difficult to sit down and ask God what He wants from me in my life... It's a constant tug-of-war between letting God handle it all, or go out and be a go-getter... It's difficult to understand... It's difficult to explain... Well, you see, as a God fearing man, I tend to leave things to God... Let Him handle my life... Let Him be the focus of my life... But then, what does that make of what I want to achieve? Social status, material wealth, good health.... I know as human beings, we don't have control over too many things... but then, I can't live my life with a 'come what may' attitude right??

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

This is crazy!!!

I've been sitting here in the office with nothing to do for the past two days... a super contrast of what i was experiencing for the last two weeks...

Even my colleagues are taking their own sweet time doing their own things... well... maybe it's a good thing also...

Actually, i was supposed to drive over to SeaPark and get myself a 'Free for Life' Credit Card... but somehow, it didn't materialise... I am not sure i'm ready for such a luxury and a burden... I know it's gonna be hard keeping my spending intact when i have extra credit to spend... and I know that I will rue the day the bill comes... but then, I can't live without one... it's just freaking inconvenient...

Plans, Plans, Plans...

So much to plan ahead for... so little resources...

I have so much on my hands nowadays... everything is hanging in an inbalance... expenses are high... salaries are low... commitments are begging to be adhered to, but financially inable... Why? darned capitalism! That's why...

We are taught to buy, buy, and buy... credit control is now defined by how well you manage your 3 credit cards from 3 different banks. In the good old days, people only used credit cards because they feel insecure bringing too much cash around... now!!??? Everyone has a credit card because they are literally pushed down our gawking throats! So whose fault?? Whose fault is it that young men and women are simply applying for bankruptcy??? whose fault that so many people are in debt up to thier necks because they over spent on a few necessities? Whose fault is it that people keep on getting credit cards although they are already having 3 others which are all brimming at the credit limit???

Now... I must decide... Do I need a credit card... Can I control my finances better should I apply for one???

Monday, August 01, 2005

It's official!!!

One less cup and i'm all disorientated, blur, dizzy and feel like dying...

It's after lunch now and I've been bumming around the office with practically nothing to do!!!

This cannot be true... it's either a conspiracy against me, or it's just my luck... Is the company avoiding giving me stuff to do because i'm on my way out??? or issit just that the busy period is over??

Whao!!!

My very first NameCard!!!

I've been roaming the streets of social-life without a namecard ever since I started working... and that's almost exactly to the dot of one year... I still remember my first ever job... I started officially on the 9th of August 2004 as a 'Trainee Copywriter' and I left the sorry excuse of an ad agency within 9 months of picking up phone calls, replying emails, doing a whole lot of client handling, and being on-time at the office only to wait for work to start at 5.30pm everyday... I put in my resignation just as the boss sent my details for film-output to make me a namecard... and in the end, I didn't even get the piece of film that was supposedly going to be printed...

And now, this is the first time I am getting my own name card... I don't have to make stupid excuses now for not having a namecard with my social circle... Albeit, I have always told my ex-classmates that I am earning peanuts and working like a dog, and they don't even print me a namecard... ad agencies... sometimes i wonder "Why? why do my friends get their personal namecards two weeks after they join... and mine only comes a few months after... " I mean, ad agencies are supposed to be the fastest companies to be able to print namecards wah... we have colour-separators and printers walking through our doors every other hour...

So, it's supposed to make me feel better... and according to my colleague, it's a sign that the company's already confirmed me as one of thier permanent staff... we'll have to wait and see about that... i am only 2 months in, and by the end of the month, i'll be haggling for an increase in income... petrol prices increase already wah...

A Good Morning for a change!

Monday!!! Maybe it was the rest throughout the weekend that did its trick... I didn't feel like I was dying when I woke up this morning... but my stomach did gave me a run for my money though... I had to rush directly to the toilet the first moment the office doors were opened... (shall not go into details) but I do thank God that the traffic wasn't too bad...

It's August now and all I hope for is that I can settle down with the current job that I'm in and go ahead with my long term plans... Supposedly, if everything turns out fine, I'll get confirmed in this agency and hopefully, stick with it for another few years more... then, I'm set for the big jump...

Oh... petrol prices increased again... *crap* so now i reckon it'll take my RM60 to fill up the bottomless pit of my fuel tank... and my driving style doesn't help at all sometimes... hhhmmm... maybe I need to drive more gently... Hope that I'll get a good increment during my confirmation... *So help me God*