Yes! I have to put on my Present Face every birthday when two of my friends yet again buy me toiletries. They are always really nice and often very expensive, BUT - I am horribly allergic to almost everything toiletry wise. The more "natural" toiletries, like Lush, are the worst offenders. If I don't stick to one specific very plain brand I come out in horrible lumps. And these friends KNOW this! I have explained over and over again, and they even visited me when my skin stuff put me in the hospital!

Now I have given up. I just smile sweetly and repackage them for my sisters at Christmas.

_________________Everyone turns into Boo Radley, if they live long enough ~ seitanicversesThere are as many ways to live as there are humans in the world ~ SchwaGrrrl

I have a small family so I I don't get much in the way of quirky/bad gifts, but last year my daughter (almost 3) was given a gift card to Chik Fila. (I have no idea if I even spelled that right.) We didn't open the card it was in until we got home, so at least I was saved the awkward thank you.

My grandparents are champs at weird, unwanted presents. One year, they got me a sweatsuit (yes, a sweatSUIT, not just a sweatshirt) with an embroidered something-or-other (a birdhouse, maybe?) on the chest. I tried it on, and somewhere there is an embarrassing photo to prove it. They have also given me multiple religious-themed gifts (angel pins, religious notecards) despite the fact that I haven't been Christian for about half my life now. They gave me a small calendar featuring artwork that people painted with their feet. It was some foot-painter religious charity. That was my all-time favorite weird grandparents gift.

Oh no, I just looked up the foot painters charity, and it seems like they are very shady and give very little actual money to the needy. That's so sad, but it makes the present even funnier!

Last year my boyfriend's parents gave him a bible with a note in it that said something along the lines of "You can't tell us He doesn't exist if you haven't read His book!" They also put my boyfriend's name in the bible, making it kind of awkward to give to someone else. It's sitting in a closet now. We really don't know what to do with it.

I was just wondering what I should do with a silk scarf that I received for my birthday. It's from someone I work with, who sees me daily and will inevitably wonder why I haven't worn it.

I get non-vegan gifts like that all the time from people who really DO know my ethical stance and just ignore it, and buy me a wool hat or a leather bag. I guess they think it's not a big deal if I'm not eating it.

When I was a teenager (100 years ago) people used to present girls with stuff like (UGLY) towels, glasses, potholders for the future household. Great. I was a book-loving tomboy and did not intend to marry and be a housewife so these things made absolutely no sense. But my mother put these things away carefully.When I moved into my own (small) apartment I had tons of glasses (not matching, of course), ugly towels and other silly stuff. It consumed a lot of space. And still made little sense. I gave a lot away, I threw a lot away. Luckily we used all the ugly towels while building our house ( jointing, plastering, painting...).

My aunt gave me a vintage clutch. Made of rabbit fur. You know "because you love fashion!"

I think I've got this one...though, I may be disqualified since technically the gift wasn't for me...but, here goes:

So a week after I announced that I was going vegan, my grandfather (who lived with us at the time) received a gift in the mail. The gift was STEAK. Some friend of his decided to mail him a package of STEAK. This friend was SO THOUGHTFUL that he sent a steak for EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY...my grandpa, both my parents, both my siblings, and me. SIX STEAKS IN A BOX. My parents told me it would be VERY RUDE for me to refuse to eat the steak. Seriously, I had been vegan for a whole week (I went directly from omni to vegan; I didn't have an in-between lacto-ovo phase), and here I was sitting in front of this giant disgusting slab of cow and being told I had to eat it. I picked up my fork, took one bite, ran out of the room, barfed up a storm, and then cried for about an hour. That was the last time I ever ate meat. (I still have nightmares about this. Not even kidding.)

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

But if we're going for truly appalling gifts, I have another story. At the onset of adolescence, my complexion left something to be desired. My aunt thought it would be a spectacular idea to delicately wrap up a box of Clearasil and some clipped coupons for face wash and give it to my pimple ridden 11 year old self for Christmas. This is the only thing I got from that side of the family that year and I was mortified. I cried in my room for days.

_________________True anarchists defy the law of gravity- Adam KingsburyHave I yelled Death to the Patriarchy today? -Pandacookie

Last year my boyfriend's parents gave him a bible with a note in it that said something along the lines of "You can't tell us He doesn't exist if you haven't read His book!" They also put my boyfriend's name in the bible, making it kind of awkward to give to someone else. It's sitting in a closet now. We really don't know what to do with it.

My grandfather was usually pretty good with gifts, but he was even better about reusing wrapping paper. When I was 17, he was still using wrapping paper that had been in the background of my baby pictures.

When I was 13, my grandmother gave me a boxed set of knee-high stockings in about 20 different colors ranging from neon to pastel. I didn't even know they made boxed sets of knee-highs. And these were not some trendy thing, they were the kind you wear with your orthopedic shoes and slacks you bought out of the back of Parade Magazine.

My aunt liked to re-gift, but wasn't very good at keeping track of who gave her what. When I was about 10, I gave her a little tin that had snowflakes on it and matched her apartment's Christmas decor. When I was about 15, she gave it back to me. Wrapped up and everything.

Another aunt gave me a faux Japanese "tea set" that she'd packaged in a wooden box that originally held potpourri. The set reeked so much of nasty potpourri that I didn't want to use it, but had to show how much I loved it. Well, whatever this tea set was made out of was meant for purely ornamental purposes, because when it came into contact with hot water it leeched some sort of oily substance. So I had to pretend to like oily tea that tasted like potpourri. This is the same aunt that sent me a card (about 3 years ago) for my birthday that said, "If I ever heard from you, I might have known what you wanted. But since I don't, I didn't get you anything."

My parents refuse to give me practical holiday gifts like video games, and instead insist on useless, bullshiitake, feel-good, self help nonsense like The Four Agreements, The Seven People You Meet In Heaven, He's Just Not That Into You, and The Secret.

I am almost feel bad giving them to Goodwill.

_________________Sir Isaac Newton is the deadliest son of a bisque in space.

I know what you mean. I have a friend who used to give me those type of books, but this past Christmas she finally got me something off my Amazon list. I have given most of the books she gave me over the years to the Salvation Army store nearby.

One of the worst presents for me was when a friend (no longer, but not because of this gift) gave me The Tale of Edgar Sawtelle because Oprah said, "dog lovers will enjoy this book." I got 90 pages into it, realized where it was going, looked at the end (to realize I was right), then gave it to the school library. I personally found the book depressing and dull. I told her that Oprah was wrong (at least in my case), but this woman is one of those people who almost worships Oprah.

_________________A bunny's a delightful habit, no home's complete without a rabbit.--Clare Newberry

My grandma used to get my cousins and I underwear every Christmas. They always hated it, but I'm more practical than they are and figure you can never have enough underwear. So while they muttered in disapproval over it, I would always be like, 'YEAH, underwear! WHAT AN AWESOME CHRISTMAS THIS IS'. And then she stopped buying me underwear, while still buying it for my cousins. I guess she kind of likes seeing us get something we hate.

Although the last set she bought me was made of mesh, which was slightly horrifying.

i can't believe no one's changed your subnick to "wearing the mesh knickers her grandma gave her."

_________________"rise from the ashes of douchebaggery like a fancy vegan phoenix" - amandabear"I'm pretty sure the moral of this story is: fork pants." - cq

I just found out that the slippers came from Amazon and even though they were ordered months ago (I've just had them about a month), they're letting me return them for a full refund! Amazon rocks! [And now I can get what I wanted in the first place--maybe the original Bionic Woman DVD that just came out!!!!!!]

_________________A bunny's a delightful habit, no home's complete without a rabbit.--Clare Newberry

[quote="Arisaig"]My first thought about the white handkerchief was that you could put it under you on the wedding night and then wave it, bloodied, out the window the next morning to celebrate your deflowering.

More than once my mom got me an angora sweater. I'm allergic to angora.Now for the horrible gifts my sister gives. She makes $350,000 plus a year as a research scientist for a drug company so keep this in mind. Yeas ago when we were still on gift giving terms (this ended it) she wrote me a check for $75 and said take my cat to the vet and keep the rest. Her 2 cats were staying at my house while she moved. She gave everyone else $25 checks. I take him. He was constipated and it cost me $80. Then she yelled at me for not watching to see if the cat pooed. She gave my mom for her birthday the free travel pouch from American Airlines business class.2 years ago she gave everyone including my mother free Astrazeneca stuff. Pens, tissues, a wall clock....and nothing else!

_________________

poopiebitch wrote:

unless that vulva serves at least 50 people, I really hope that price is a joke.

Does anyone else get a large number of gifts with a cat motif? People used to give me nothing but cat ornaments, books about cats, clothes with cats on them, and I even had this horrific blanket covered with cats. Hundreds of eyes just staring at you! Next time I go to mom's house I ought to find it and take a picture. It looked kinda like this one only the cats didn't have humorous santa hats, and they were so angry looking: http://www.etsy.com/listing/28012919/no ... -cats-with and my mom was hurt when I didn't put it on the bed, so I had to use it instead of hurting her feelings.

I only got people to respect my no cat policy after my cat died, and I said I had to get rid of it all because it just reminded me too much of him.

_________________I was really surprised the first time I saw a penis. After those banana tutorials, I was expecting something so different. -Tofulish