feelings

I recently started reading a book written about Jack Ma and the creation of Alibaba which is one of the worlds largest online marketplaces. In reading about Jack and his enterprise I came across a couple examples of Ma’s definition of Success that I found to be very grounded, practical, and livable by anyone where he really took that point of success and boiled it down into something tangible, and accessible to everyone.

What I find interesting is that I have been deliberately working with the process of Re-defining and Living Words, and here this man actually did exactly this by coming up with his personal definition of Success that he could live and apply in his world in a way that supported him.

In the book, Ma defined it as follows,

“Success lies not in how much you have accomplished, but in the fact that you have done something, experienced the process, and begun to learn something”

What I like about this definition is it emphasizes not an outcome of good or bad, success or failure, but of THE ACT, the point of taking action and actually doing something – That is the success, the fact that you got off your but and applied yourself.

For me, I have been slowly starting to develop a new body of artwork and so I really relate to this definition of success because for me the most difficult part often is just getting up and DOING SOMETHING, or motivating myself to sit down in front of my canvas and start painting. Where that very action IS the success, not the outcome, but the ACT.

So here I see for myself that to be more successful requires me to take more action. On paper it looks easy, though I do understand that applying and living this definition of success may bring up other dimensions for me to consider and work out.

Okay that’s the point I wanted to Share!

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In this blog I am going to expose the statement “I don’t want to deal with that right now”.
I noticed this specific statement the other day just as I was finishing up with some writing. I noticed how I had been accepting and allowing myself to speak this statement within me quite frequently in relation all sorts of various things.

I see that this statement has become quite a part of myself. Quite a part of what comes up within me as I encounter moments, tasks, challenges, resistances, as I walk my day to day living and I see that as such it ultimately is playing a creative role in terms of the kind of life I manifest for myself.

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand how I create my reality through accepting and allowing myself to exist within, and participate with this statement within me “I don’t want to deal with this right now” in relation to facing tasks, challenges, moments during my day, where in speaking this statement, I am giving myself instructions in terms of how I will direct myself when facing such tasks, challenges, moments during my day to day.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to automatically speak this statement within myself “I don’t want to deal with this right now” when I am faced with certain tasks, challenges, moments, where this statement followed by a specific experience of weakness has become an embedded part of my experience of myself within my life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize, or understand the consequences of accepting and allowing myself to participate with, and exist within and as the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” where a consequence of this is I dis-empower myself within my expression and self direction and self development because I will accept and allow myself to participate with this statement when I am facing a moment of change, where instead of in that moment pushing through my experience and changing myself and directing myself in a way that is effective, I will participate with the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” and so in this give into an experience and so thus my mind as pre-programming to direct me and where I will continue existing within predictable patterns and old patterns that is in fact not benefiting me but only contributing to me remaining stuck in a limited version of myself instead of supporting myself to correct and change all patterns and habits that is not beneficial to me or Life and supporting me within my endeavor to live and express to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand how this statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” is so closely intertwined with my energetic experience of myself and that this statement is used to disempower myself or keep me contained within the energetic parameters that I have established as myself as my pre-programmed experience which influences, directs, and controls me within who I am, what I live, and what I become.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that my physical reality has become a reflection of this statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” in where I have accepted and allowed this statement to become an excuse I allow to allow myself to be directed and controlled by experience instead of living within and Directing Myself according to Principle.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to ‘red-flag’ this statement and to realize that when ever this statement comes up within me that it is indicating a specific point where I have the opportunity to assist and support myself to become Principled in my Living and in fact it is identifying for me an exact area within myself and my life that requires the correction from experienced living to principled living, as this statement of “I don’t want to deal with that right now” will show me what specific energy that I have accepted and allowed myself to often give into which I can see right now is like a kind of overwhelmed and exhausted experience.

I commit myself to see, realize, and understand that within correcting myself here to instead of give into my energetic experience I have connected with the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” , that I will in fact be assisting and supporting myself to become more practically functional and physically directive within myself and my life and so thus actually bettering myself and supporting myself to live and express to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the energetic experience of exhaustion to the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect anger to the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect sadness to statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the experience of overwhelming to the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the energy of self-defeat to the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the experience of “giving up and giving in” to the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within and through speaking/participating with the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop keeping my victimization personality locked in, through accepting and allowing myself to speak and participate with the statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now”

When and as I see myself wanting to participate in this statement “I don’t want to deal with this right now” where I want to speak this statement as an justification of my energetic experience of “not wanting to do something” I in that moment when I see that statement arise within me stop myself and immediately slow myself within and as my breathing and support myself to in my breathing bring myself here, and stabilize myself Here into and as my physical body, so that I am physically present and HERE. I see, realize, and understand that this statement of “I don’t want to deal with this right now” has become and is a pre-programmed statement that automatically comes up within me in relation to facing moments within my life where I have actually conditioned this statement to come up within how I “normally deal with or handle myself and my reality. I also see that this statement does not support me within my process of living to utmost my potential because it is used as a reason or justification to give into my mind as my energetic experience of myself when I am faced with the task of Directing My Physical Reality, particularly within the context of re-enforcing the personality of Victimization which is a point of dis-empowerment, and so as a result I am not moving and or directing myself as effectively as I could be and so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to when ever I see this statement coming up within me to, from that point of firstly stabilizing myself within breath, to then identify the task or challenge that the statement is coming up in relation to and then assessing this task/challenge from a Practical Standpoint and not allowing this statement and the energetic experience I have connected to this statement influence my Practical Direction in my life but here assist and support myself to Live to my Utmost Potential and Support myself to become Self Directive instead of allowing myself continue existing as and living out the point/application of Victimization as this obviously does not support me to be and live my utmost potential.

Here I am beginning with my introduction to a point that I have faced quite allot in my life, that I still face today, and that I have faced and walked in the past. So here I am beginning with sharing my story and perspective on a point that I am sure many can relate to – Resistance.

I remember being confronted with this point in my early life and I even remember having some successes in relation to actually pushing through resistance. Where there was this feeling that would come up within me where “I just didn’t feel like doing something” but I did it anyway. I pushed through that feeling and did it anyways because there was also an awareness within me that ‘that is just what must be done’.

Later on in my college years, this resistance point would come up towards doing school work, or pushing myself and disciplining myself to work long hours at developing my craft and skill within Art.
I moved through allot of resistance with regards to painting and doing art and this is one of the areas of my life that in a way was an opportunity for me to face this point of resistance and to walk through it. Art was like the first place in my life where I really confronted resistance head on and learned to push through it. Learned to just take that step and “do it”, even though there was a part me that was tired, or that just didn’t want to do it.

I enjoyed doing art, and this in a way made it a bit easier to walk through resistances. Because I can see I had formed a relationship to art where it was something that I at times immersed myself within to avoid having to do other things that I didn’t want to do, other things that I resisted. Like visiting with family, or ‘getting a real job’ or ‘doing my taxes’ or ‘cooking dinner’, ‘or writing a paper’. So yes, one can have resistance towards doing many things. So, my plan here is to walk a bit of my history with Resistance and share what I have come to understand about this point and then to also share how I currently work with this point in my present day to day living.

When I started walking the Desteni process, I was supported to start seeing more explicitly what resistance is and all the various forms of resistance, and how it comes up in relation to so many aspects of ones life.

Resistance to work
Resistance to getting up early
Resistance to doing chores
Resistance to certain co-workers
Resistance to family
Resistance to going to the party when you don’t know anyone there
Resistance to your partner
Resistance to sex
Resistance to your routine
Resistance to breaking your routine
Resistance to lending a hand to a friend
Resistance to working when its cutting into your time to relax
Resistance to working more hours than you normally do a week
Resistance to buying fruit and veggies instead of candy and chips
Resistance to taking the garbage out
Resistance to spending money
Resistance to getting yourself a glass of water when your already in bed with the lights off but your thirsty
Resistance to tidying up your room
Resistance to speaking to someone when there is a point of conflict
Resistance to pushing yourself to support yourself to become better because its just too much work
Resistance to forming relationships that go beyond just the surface
Resistance to taking the dog for a walk
Resistance to doing your homework
Resistance to WRITING YOUR BLOG!

And the list goes on and on and on.

I will continue in my next blog with my personal story about encountering various forms of Resistance within my life, and how I have come to direct myself in relation to it.

I am here to write my blog now. I have been finding that I have been quite easily discouraging myself from writing my blog recently.

Today I listened to 2 of the more recent reptilian interviews from Eqafe. One of the terms that came up that was being discussed in the interviews was the term ‘weakened spirit’. I thought this was quite a cool term to bring up because of how I could relate to it quite allot.

So this term ‘weakened spirit’ was being referenced in relation to how many beings experience themselves in relation to their process of self change.

What I find is that I create myself to be this ‘weakened spirit’ through by seeing what it is that I have to do with regards to self change but then I do not do it but just allow old programs and thought patterns and behavior patterns to direct me in a moment instead of actually Living and Moving myself into and as the new change that I see I would like to be and realize how and where I must apply myself to become this.

But then I create myself as the ‘weakened spirit’ because when the moment or moments of change arrive, I won’t change. I will not assert myself in that moment and strengthen my spirt and strengthen my beingness and so over time this accumulates until what I have found is that my general normal experience becomes like this soft, weak, submissive state.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a weakened spirit through by continuously allowing myself to give into my mind instead of changing in those moments, and asserting myself as the change I would like to be, and so over time, as the moments of non-change accumulate I become this ‘weakened spirit’. The ‘weakened spirit’ as the opposite of what I would actually like to be and also that I understand how to be but that I have not moved and directed myself to Stop myself in the moment of change from accepting and allowing myself to exist as and be directed by as the pre-programmed thoughts, feelings, and emotions and to thus instead actually asserting myself as the NEW Direction and Action I see will Support me to become a Strong Spirit and Strong Being.

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to slow myself down so that I can pin-point more specifically moments of change. Moments of change that I see I have at times accepted and allowed to become distant and more easily able to pass by without me correcting myself in those moments and so in this strengthening myself within and through becoming that who I’d like to be which is a Self Honest Being living with Integrity and Self Respect no more being here on earth simply to serve my own Self Interest, and existing as a pre-programmed robot following instructions and programs that I have conditioned into myself from the world around me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass by ‘moments of change’ easily and in doing this condition myself to be a weakened spirit and so here I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to stop passing moments of change by easily where instead of doing this I in the moment of change actually change myself through by Directing Myself within the necessary corrections and so to within doing this consistently develop and create myself into and as Self Strength. And so here I commit myself to stop letting moments of change pass-by without a fight meaning where I actually start to Take-On moments of change that arise though pushing and directing myself to in fact change, and thus making myself more Prominent within myself in such moments, instead of sitting in the background and watching the moment of change pass on by.

When and as I see a moment of change Here and I see that point or experience within me of where I start to justify allowing the moment to pass by where even though I seen that this is a moment of change, I still allowed myself to not bother actually correcting myself in that moment and actually changing me, when I see this Here, I in that moment, stop myself within myself. Here, I realize that the only way for me to Re-create myself from a ‘weakened spirit’ into a ‘strong spirit’ is to In FACT actually change change/correct myself in such moments and stop accepting and allowing myself to let such moments pass by. And so rather become more Prominent within myself in such moments, and here becoming ALIVE in such moments, no more accepting and allowing myself to lay dormant in the background and not asserting MYSELF to Be HERE and Self Directive and actually change.

And so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to start actualizing these moments into moments of change. Moment by moment, bit by bit accumulating each of these moments into moments of change instead of moments of giving into the mind.

Within this process also I commit myself to work on slowing down as I am walking my day. This I do to assist and support myself to actually be able to make the transition and/or shift within myself of “passing by moments of change” to in the moment, actually changing. I see here that supporting myself to slow myself down as I am here walking my day will support me in this process of moving from “passing by moments of change” to “actually changing” because this “passing by” application I see has become quite automated and so the point of slowing down will allow me to actually ‘catch myself’ and thus being able to stop that automated behavior of sitting back and letting moments of change pass by, and so I see here the value in supporting myself and remembering to slow myself down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pass by moments of change through by thinking and experiencing within myself “its no use”

I commit myself to assist and support myself to flag-point this statement and experience of “its no use” as I see that this statement and experience has become like a kind of oil that I allow moments of change to slide by on. And so here I commit myself to assist and support myself to stop allowing moments of change to just slide by along the statement and experience of “its no use” where in this I become a passive observer in the background instead of becoming more Prominent and Here within myself, taking charge of moments of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that “its no use” in relation to actually stopping and correcting moments of change when I see they are here because I have not wanted to change.

I commit myself to when and as I am facing a moment of change and the statement and experience of “its no use” comes up, to in that moment stop myself and bring the awareness here that in by accepting and allowing myself to actually participate with this statement of “its no use” and so thus allow the moment of change to pass-by, that in doing this I am simply perpetuating and solidifying myself more and more as a “weakened spirit” and so here to bring the awareness forth that I in fact do not like existing as a “weakened spirit” and only I can and will determine who I will be in this life, and that the longer I wait to change, the more I simply remain as this “weakened spirit” And that the only way to change this is through by actually Changing Myself when moments of change are Here.

and so

I commit myself to when a moment of potential change is here to stop sitting in the background as the passive weakened spirit and just not bothering to change myself but to instead Stand Up and Step Up and assist and support myself to become more Prominent within myself through by actually Standing and Directing myself within and as Self Change when moments of change are here.

The other day I decided that after work I would leave a bit early so that I could spend some time working on a painting that I had started a few weeks before and had already spent 2 sessions on. The first session went really well and the second session did not go well at all. However I had considered that if I did a third session on it that I could get things turned back in the right direction to be able to ‘make the painting work’ and hopefully come away with a successful painting.

I arrived at the site, set up, and started painting.

From the outset things were not going that well and what I want to open up here is the experience that ensued, because as I painted an experience started to emerge within me which not only eventually led me to ‘give up’ and ‘just quit’ but that ultimately affected me throughout most of the painting process where as I was painting there was this entire inner dialogue happening inside of me along with various reactions, experiences, judgements, feelings ect.

So here I want to investigate and open up this experience and how it is that I have created myself in a way where such an experience actually comes up inside of me and in a way ‘takes over’ and that this such experience has become actually common place as ‘something I expect’ or ‘try and avoid’ which is implying here that this particular experience has become a part of me and so here I am assisting and supporting myself to release myself from this particular experience and this particular ‘Frustration Character/Personality’ that I have created as a Character/Personality that comes up/activates and that I live out in difference situations/scenarios throughout my day to day living.

So in my next blog I will begin with getting into more of the details of what was going on inside me.

After I was finished my painting session that day and I was driving home, I realized how much this kind of experience/personality actually comes up and influences me within my life and so I was looking at the point of who I would be without this experience. How would my life be if I was able to stand in such moments where this frustration/giving up-Character/Personality normally emerges and instead of having this come up to be instead Stable within myself and Clear and simply be able to direct myself without having this entire experience come up within me which I see I have accepted and allowed to drastically influence myself and my application in such moments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear ‘letting go of art’ which doesn’ t mean that I must stop doing art, It simply means that I am able to be Absolutely Self Directive with this point where I decide to either do it or not do it and this decision is not based on a ‘fear of losing it’ as an emotional experience or any emotional/feeling experience for that matter, which I see that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as in relation to my decision making around the point of Art as a part of my life/myself

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to realize that I am in fact able to let go of doing art and explore other avenues of careers and skills and that within this, I will be fine because I see, realize, and understand that it is not about what I do but who I am. And so again here to emphasize the point of assisting and supporting myself to release myself from any emotional connections that I have with Art/Doing Art so that I can establish myself within and as Absolute Directive Principle within and as this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing art from the perspective of believing that ‘this job is so cool’ and that I will never find anything else like it and so here I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within such an acceptance and allowance through by accepting and allowing myself to believe that “I will be missing something” if I stop doing art and move into exploring other avenues of career or skill development.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let art/my accepted and allowed relationship with art control me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become possessed by art within the context of where my relationship with art currently is one of ‘control’ where I am not Self Directive within my decision to do art or not do art but that this decision is still based on FEAR and Emotional/Feeling Reactions – Here I see an accepted and allowed Fear of Not doing Art that I have accepted and allowed to control me and create a possessive state where I fear making a decision to not do art in this not Realizing that I will be fine within such a decision and so

I forgive myself for not accepting and allowing myself to see, realize, and understand that I will be fine within ‘doing something else’ and that ultimately I will be fine to let art go as I see realize and understand that it is an extensive limitation of Self by in a way ‘holding myself hostage’ within my relationship to art, within the beliefear (belief and fear) that art is what makes me happy and without it I will diminish or be limited.

I Commit myself to assist and support myself to work on this point of ‘allowing myself to let art go’. Here I see, realize, and understand that ‘art does not bring me happiness/enjoyment’ but that I am the source of my own happiness/enjoyment and so from this perspective it does not matter what I do because I am always the one who is Responsible for my enjoyment/expression/experience of myself.

I commit myself to throughout my day check myself as a point of ‘reminder’ if you will where I can assist and support myself to do regular ‘art check-ups’ to make sure that I am not falling back into a relationship of fear and control with art, but that I am in each moment throughout my day able to ‘give it up in a single breath’ realizing that I am HERE and that Art does not define me or determine who I am.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to transform my relationship with art to one based on Equality and Oneness where Art has no more or less value than anything else in this existence and so therefore there is no reason for me hold it as being ‘more than’ which then creates a ‘fear of loss’ or even a kind of ‘dependency’ relationship through my accepting and allowing myself to believe that without it I am in fact losing something.

I commit myself to assist and support myself to realize that its ok to not do art and so I commit myself to assist and support myself to disentangle myself from my accepted and allowed relationship with/as art so that I no more exist within and as the context of fear and control and emotional/feeling reactions in relation to art but that I am simply stable and thus I within this Re-establish my Directive Principle within and as Myself in relation to art and thus can then Direct myself in relation to my participation/expression/relationship with art within the context of Directing myself within Practicality, Common Sense, and What is Best for ALL, instead of making decisions around this point based on Fear and Anxiety and emotional/feeling possession.

Today I was driving over to drop a few things off at where I work and I noticed that I kept wanting to go into a specific experience of myself.

And so a question came up.

‘Is this experience that I am now having, existing because this is how I have conditioned and automated myself to respond to this particular situation?’ ‘Did I decide to have this experience?’ ‘Did I consciously say, ‘ok lets have this experience now?’ I see that this is not the case – what is the case is that often I will just ‘find’ myself in an experience. That is how it normally happens.

So what I was looking at within myself is how much of my experience is in fact automatic where for instance certain specific experiences will activate within me when I am for instance, driving. Or when I send e-mails. Or when I am dealing with money. Or when I am drinking a coffee.

So I am going to investigate this point for myself and observe my experience and see how much of my experience is being automated.

So that’s really it.

Just a point I was noticing today because as I was driving I was considering that there was really no reason for me to be experiencing myself the way I was in relation to what I was doing. It was like the math did not add up. I was heading over to work, yet my experience within me was quite negative, only, it made no sense for it to be that way and so then what I see is that if I don’t question the experience and just go with it, I am ultimately allowing it and then I become that experience in relation to what I am doing even if that experience is uncomfortable or is not supportive.

So I mean I can look at myself and see that Its like I only have a certain amount of experiences that I exist within during my life. There are some primary ones that are pretty much the standard with a few variations here and there and so it’s like I, Andrew Gable have become this group of experiences that I cycle within instead of me actually deciding if these experiences are valid or not.

A few days ago, I was like “Ok, I’ve gotta change things up” like changing my routine. And so I started doing this but what is interesting about the experience I had today in the car is that this experience was more aligned to the actions, behaviors, thoughts, worries, fears, that was linked to my previous living patterns that I was living out before I was looking at this point of “Ok I’ve gotta change things up” So if I have changed things up, then why is the experience the same, and so this is where I started to question the automation of my experiences, and also seeing the necessity to also deliberately support myself to not only change myself in my living behavior but to also support myself to ‘change my experience’ of myself, meaning where I don’t just simply allow myself to become submersed within an experience just because it comes up and just because that is what I am normally used to. And so here I can also consider in my application of supporting myself to “change things up” to pay attention to my experiences and make sure that I am not simply accepting pre-programmed experiences to come over me and influence me throughout my day.

So in the car today, I applied some Self Forgiveness out loud and pushed myself to stop my ‘negative experience’ that seemed to just come up out of nowhere ever so sneakily, like a thief in the night. So I will continue with investigating this point and supporting myself to assist and support myself to stop accepting and allowing myself to participate with pre-programmed experiences where these just seem to come up and then I just for some reason accept them as valid without questioning them.