Post navigation

When Love Hurts (literally)

I was young, naive and I fell madly in love with someone whom I thought was my soulmate. The one! He was the ultimate package! Tall, has a pretty face, he smiles like an angel, dresses nicely, treats me like a princess, knows what makes me happy and the list goes on and on and on. The best part of it all, Mom likes him!

It was all going so well between us and I couldn’t ask for more.

…as a surprise, since he knew that I love to shop, we travelled to Bangkok. We shopped, dined and went sight seeing. I was so happy! How can I deserve this happiness?!

Until one day during our trip, something has ticked him off. We had a fight. He held me so hard in one of my arms. I thought, he was just upset. So I just shrugged it off. Maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe it was one of those days.

We travelled back to where we used to live, in one of the countries in the Middle East. I have been living there for quite a while before I even met him. We had another fight inside my car. This time was a little more intense than the last. He pulled off my cars’ rearview mirror and held me even tighter than before. I cried and thought Maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe it was one of those days. We’ll get through this.

He knows how to say sorry and treat me even nicer than the usual, so how can I not forgive him? Right?

We seem to be fighting a lot after that. He seem to drink a lot than the usual. He changed. Oh wait, was he even like this before? I don’t know. I never had the courage to ask. How could I? I mean, he was such an angel when he’s sober and I was his princess.

I suddenly developed fear from him. I even fear him even if he isn’t doing anything to me as long as he has a bottle of alcohol in his hands – I shiver. Waiting. I couldn’t even move or do anything. For I fear that when I do something that would piss him off, he wouldn’t think of how much he loved me – wait, he does love me, that is why whenever I do something that would upset him he suddenly turns into his evil twin.

I’m confused. I couldn’t talk to anybody about this. It’s just a normal boyfriend / girlfriend lovers quarrel anyway. Why would they care?

It was our first year anniversary of being together. He was having fun with his friends and I came to pick him up to save him from drowning of alcohol. He was upset to even see my face that night, maybe he was having too much fun. I got upset for the first time and before I could even drove off from the scene I heard a loud noise, I felt a shake while inside my car. I turned to the other side to see him, and saw a huge dent from the door of the front passenger seat as if I had a car accident. Geez! How am I going to explain this at home!

That night, we were ok. Surprisingly. I hid that horrible dent on my car by parking it parallel to a wall. He fixed it, and we were ok. As if it was all a bad dream.

We moved on and went out with our lives. We would fight, he would hold me so tight in my arms that I started wearing long sleeves at work all the time. He would lock me up in his room, in their house whenever I would threaten to leave him after every fight. I would just cry. I was helpless. How can an angel do this to me?

He would say sorry, I will forgive him. He will do acts of kindness a little more better than the last, he knows how to keep me happy. How can I break up with someone like that? Maybe it was just the alcohol that triggers it? Maybe I wasn’t being a good girlfriend to him. I stayed in the relationship for a few more months… because maybe like all other days he was just having a bad day. Maybe it was one of those days. We’ll get through this.

We had another huge fight, he strangled me, he was way bigger than me so he lifted me up from the ground! Was I dreaming? Was this even happening right now? He then let me go, got a knife and poked it on my right cheek saying these words “I would scar this face, so no one will ever look at you again” (Are you insane!!!) I just cried… my angel has turned into a complete stranger! I assured him that whatever happens, I love him and I would never leave him and we can fix this, just like what we always do. I’ve said those words for I fear, that he will really do it, oh I know he will give me that scar and what’s worse is that when he’s sober he might regret it. We both might regret it. Good thing he calmed down. I went out.

What a nightmare.

I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to talk to him. I’m scared.

He was calling my mobile phone every after a few minutes, my office landline and he said he won’t stop until I forgive him. It has affected my work, so to calm him down, I said another “ok”.

We went to a bar with a guy friend so I will have someone to help me when he has that alcohol again in his body. We were having fun as if nothing had happened. I saw a childhood friend from my home country while on the dance floor we said hi and I introduced him to my boyfriend.

My boyfriend became quiet. Sat on a corner and drank. I asked his friend to stop him, but this other guy was so drunk that he doesn’t care as well. I fear that something would happen again. I want to get out of that place, NOW! I want to go home! But I can’t leave them there… they’ll be put to jail for being drunk. So I drove them both home and when my boyfriend and I was finally alone… he turned into another monster. He was cursing me, holding me so tight… everything was just blurry. All I felt was a fist on my face. Blacked out. I got dizzy. I recovered after a few seconds and started to run…

He caught me. Hold my hair and was dragged up the stairs of their house. I was trying to get my balance, trying to hold one step after another but I couldn’t, I was so weak. I couldn’t make any noise. I couldn’t cry for help. It was in the middle east, I might even end up in jail for being with someone not my husband. I was helpless.

The beating continued in his room. I just cried.

I hid from people in my house (my family). I would go to work when no one is around, I come home when they’re asleep. I am good with makeup and made my officemates believe that I just have allergies. I try to hide the bruises on my face, I am so scared. I am confused. I don’t know what to feel, think or do. All I know is that I need to get away from this relationship… before I die.

Luckily, I received a call from him. He’ll be deported back to our country. I couldn’t be any happier. I drove him to the airport to make sure he really left and I celebrated…I finally regained my freedom!

…or so I thought. I started seeing comments on social media. Abusive comments about me… what we have done all for the world to see. I deleted my account. Hid from the world and took a breather.

Now, as I look back. I now look at it as a nightmare. A life lesson I have learned – the hard way. It has affected me in a lot of ways and for so many years I became quiet about this issue. Until now.

Domestic violence can happen to anyone. When I was young, I never knew how serious it can be. I even told myself, this will never happen to me…ever! If in case it would, I will just break up with my boyfriend and get on with my life.

The reality in this whole experience is that it was never easy to just walk away from this relationship. It was never easy to talk about this not even to your closest friends or family members. It was never easy to ask for help. As dumb as it may sound, I, the victim during this relationship would always think that I can change this person, for the better.

I was lucky to have a friend at work who has noticed the beatings when my fashion statement has changed. After wearing long sleeves to work during summer, he suspected something. He has told my Mom about it, who had a talk with his mom afterwards. It helped…A LOT!

Chances are, those victims feel so helpless that they can’t even help themselves. By being a good friend or family would help. Offer help, it can definitely save lives! It saved mine!

If you share the same experience and don’t know where to ask for help, you can start here.