Audioccult Vol. 44: Notes from the Veil

Diary of an extremely happy man, soundtracked by Married In Berdichev, WMX, Theologian, Gore Tech, Madden, and Pete Swanson.

By Daniel Jones

Light a candle. Draw the required sigils. Now, raise your arms above your head and slowly, gently, exhale your soul. You won’t need it here. This is Audioccult, and it’s time to get low. Illustration: SHALTMIRA

January 14, 2013

Scheduled interview with Brooke Candy. Got in trouble for marching up and down in front of her manager and loudly insisting that she was no John Candy. Snack selection in waiting room VERY impressive (deli meats, legitimate soda etc).

Janury 22, 2013

Supposed to cover BDSM convention and related music scenes; night before had dream that mistress was showing me the Disney version of Douginstead of the Nickelodeon one and telling me that I would never be a real man. Considered it bad omen, stayed home.

February 3, 2013

Looking over advanced copy of incredible documentary about German painter and photographer Sigmar Polke. Beautifully shot scenes using variety of effects evoke the magick captured in his Lens Paintings. Unsure why they chose to portray him as “an adult Dennis the Menace.” Digitally-added freckles + slingshot take away quite a bit of the dignity. Excellent casting choice of Walter Matthau as cantankerous neighbor. Not really sure how they pulled that one off, but it’s seamless. Selected quotes:

Spent most of last week in court contesting Yung Simmie‘s claims that my co-authored review of his mixtape was poorly conceived. Sentenced to spend the weekend in Rap Jail and was only given Drake CDs to listen to. Momma, don’t cry for me…

February 15, 2013

Range Rover limo has been cruising up and down the same block with the windows all smashed out. Powerful image somehow (marketing? authority?)

February 20, 2013

Failed interview with Snoop Dogg because I refused to call him Snoop Lion. Who does he think he’s fooling? New Rastafarian image preposterous. Kept quoting metaphysical lyrics and offering me Hot Pockets as I ran out into cold streets. Method Man/Redman collab kicks on bystander blinding against snow.

February 23, 2013

Spent entire morning listening to new WMX EP, very pumped up about future. Phone call from accountant at noon telling me that the money I invested in Relevant Slogan beanies (third largest internet market in 2012) has been lost thanks to New Era CyberWars. “It’s a New Era,” I sob and turn the Evangelion soundtrack up.