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Johnny - posted on 06/25/2012

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The ideal age gap is the one that works the best for the needs of your family. We chose 4 years, because it worked for us. I know families that are happy with less than a year gap and those who are doing well with 6 years between kids..

Children will get along and be closely bonded dependent on how they are raised and what their personalities are like, not the age gap. For example, my husband is not close with his brother who is just a year older, but has always had a tight bond with his sister 12 years senior. Conversely, my mom is close with her brother who is 18 months younger and not with her brother who is 12 years younger. It really just depends.

This is something that you and your husband are going to have to talk out and agree on. Listen to what he has to say, and perhaps you can each see merit in the other's feelings and come to a compromise. I wouldn't just go by the opinions of random people on the internet who do not know you, your family, or your situation.

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Elfrieda - posted on 06/25/2012

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I think the ideal time for the next baby to be born is when the older one is between 2 and 3 years, definitely not earlier than 18 months. I know parents who have "irish twins" and I feel very bad for them. They are STRESSED, and the first one doesn't really have enough time to be a baby. More than three years old, and it starts to be more difficult for them to be friends.

Personally, I'd rather go farther apart than closer together. I was always (from about the time she was 2) very close to my sister who is 3.5 years younger than me, but I think at that point you have to make more of an effort as parents to make sure they bond.

I think there is a gap in which it is hard on both children. From what I've seen that gap seems to be between 3 years and 8 years. That gap seems to cause the most difficulty for children.

I wanted my kids to play together and have a friendship bond, so we planned on having them around 2 years apart. They are 25 months apart. My daughter does a great job playing and helping with her brother. She wasn't potty trained yet, so I didn't have to deal with any regression in that department. That, for me at least, was nicer than having her out of diapers prior.

Something like this has to many factors that there really isn't a good answer.

My brother was 18 years older than me. I only have a few memories of a closeness with him as a child. But now as adults we are very close. My eldest sister is 16 years older than me, I have a ton of childhood memories with her that are very dear to me. She lives 3 hours away from me, so we don't get a chance to be together often. My other sister is 4.5 years older than me. I was emotionally abused by her. We fought constantly, hitting, biting, screaming, it wasn't pretty. Honestly we didn't really get along at all until she moved out on her own. We do talk, and get along fairly well now. But that was after a lot of talking and reconciling the past.

My husband is 3.5 years older than his sister, they were a bit better to each other but not by much. Their relationship is still strained.