The movie A League of Their Own starring Tom Hanks is one of the funniest movies ever made. In that movie the Tom Hank’s character (Jimmy Dugan) says to one of the young ladies on the team: “Are you crying? ARE YOU CRYING? THERE’S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL!” I wish I could attach a video of that scene for those of you who may not be familiar with it; it is SO funny.

Similarly there’s no crying in bridge. After all baseball and bridge are both games! So when the following happens remember THERE’S NO CRYING IN BRIDGE.

IMPs; N-S Vulnerable

North (Partner)

K J 9 6 5 7 4 A 10 7 6 5 3

Dummy

Funny Man

Q 8 7 2 10 5 3 2 K J 10 6 2

A K Q J 9 8 6 5 3 J 4 A 4

South (Me)

A 10 4 3 2 K Q 9 8 Q 9 8 7

LHO

Partner

Funny Man

Me

Pass

Pass

Pass!!

1*

Pass

1

2

2**

Pass

Pass

6***

The end

(1) Surely you’ve heard of Pierson Point Count rule for 3rd and 4th position openings. Unfortunately so had I. The Pierson rule says to determine if you should open a little light, count your HCP and add one point for each spade in your hand. If your total is at least 15 points then open with your light hand – otherwise pass. Since this hand adds up to 15 using that rule I opened the bidding. Wish I‘d never heard of that $*#*@ rule. 2

(2) Now I’ve really done it. Opened a little light and then raised. But everyone says you have to compete. Will I ever learn?

(3) Geez, what a turn of events. So now I’m on lead. My thought process was that surely this maniac was prepared for a spade lead, but with bidding like this anything could be right. I couldn’t take the pressure; I reluctantly put the A on the table only to see it get ruffed. Funny Man promptly wrapped up his slam when I could have passed the hand out, or better yet, beat the slam.

My bridge friends and teammates start to cringe when we’re in the midst of a KO match and they know that I have been dealt a eight-card or longer suit. They start trying to determine how many imps are going South. The above hand and the one below are just further evident that if there’s an eight-card or longer suit somewhere in the deal they have a right to that concern.

There are some bridge players who are really gamblers. They couldn’t play straight if they wanted to. In fact, I’m not sure they know how to play any other way than to make every deal an adventure. The next deal REALLY irritated me.

The preceding hand was mild compared to this one. At least it was MPs.

IMPs; Dlr: West; N-S Vulnerable

North (Me)

A K J 10 A K J 10 9 4 2 9 8

West

East

9 8 10 9 3 A K Q J 7 5 4 3

5 2 K Q J 7 6 5 4 2 A 7 6

South

Q 7 6 4 3 8 Q 8 5 3 10 6 2

West

North (Me)

East

South

1

1

4

Pass

4NT

Pass

5

Pass

6

Doblo*

The end

Opening Lead: 2

Result: Made 6; Score: 1210; Match Points for us: 0

*Total frustration had set in and I didn’t even think of this double as asking for a lead.

Notice that we make 6 or 6 from my position. Maybe I made myself the victim by not getting the spade suit into the auction even if it had to be at the five level. After forty-plus years I’m still trying to figure it out how to play Matchpoints. All I really know is that I wanted to cry. But, of course, there’s NO CRYING IN BRIDGE!