In an exclusive, first-time interview since her epic defeat against Holly Holm, Ronda Rousey has revealed what life has been like since the loss, and her plans to step back into the Octagon.

“I need to come back,” said Ronda to ESPN, “I need to beat this chick. Who knows if I’m going to pop my teeth out or break my jaw or rip my lip open. I have to fucking do it.”

The extensive interview details the grueling misery in the weeks following UFC 193, dealing with depression and embarrassment.

Ronda says:

I got hit in that first round. … I cut my lip open and knocked a couple of my teeth loose. I was out on my feet from the very beginning.

I wasn’t thinking clearly. I had that huge cut in my mouth and I just spit [the blood] out at my feet. Then they brought the bucket over and I’m like, ‘Why didn’t I spit it in the bucket?’ I never spit on the ground.

Ronda continues:

It was like a dumbed-down dreamy version of yourself making decisions. … I was just trying to shake myself out of it. I kept saying to myself, ‘You’re OK, keep fighting. You’re OK, keep fighting.’

I just feel so embarrassed. How I fought after that is such an embarrassing representation of myself. I wasn’t even fucking there.

Ronda’s epic defeat against Holly Holm was met with brutal backlash from the public, including myself here at Red Pill Philosophy, because I, like many others, saw the gargantuan amount of shit-talking she did. In addition, Ronda had become a feminist icon, and even the author of the exclusive ESPN interview admits it:

Then [Ronda] started taking on opponents outside the ring—from convicted domestic abusers like Floyd Mayweather to the ‘do-nothing bitches’ who just ‘try to be pretty and be taken care of by somebody else,’ as she put it. That’s when some people started describing her as a new feminist icon.

Feminist icon, indeed, which is one of the main reasons I’ve made numerous critique videos of the former champ over the past few months. Feminists—full of deep hatred and resentment for being female—love the idea of “independent empowered women”, to the point that they wanted to believe fantastical delusions about the fighter, ultimately building her up so high that it was shocking when she fell so low.