~ Life as a Reform Jew-by-Choice

Category Archives: Jewish Issues

I work hard at being responsible. If I’ve made a committment to you I’ll keep it and if I’m unable to, I’ll call and tell you why. If I’m counted on to complete a task then the task will get completed on time, every time. It’s not always easy, convenient, or fun to be responsible but I believe it speaks to the kind of person one is; my reputation, be it at work, in my neighborhood, or at my shul tells those I work with, live near, and/or participate in synagogue activities with whether or not I’m serious about my job, my home, and my faith.

I took my conversion to Judaism very seriously. I examined all aspects of the faith before I made my decision and although I knew for quite some time that I would eventually convert there were several questions I asked myself before I made the final decision. Would I, after a long week at work, attend services on Friday evening? Would I make a true effort to get to know the members of my new community? Would I follow through with the monthly commitment I made to meet with recent converts and those considering conversion? Would I study Torah (no hesitation there), work on improving my Hebrew skills, and be open to listening and thinking about viewpoints I may not agree with or understand? Would I support my shul financially by becoming a member and/or donating to Jewish causes? It was only after careful contemplation on these and various other questions that I was able to make my final decision to convert.

Although my decision was a personal one it became, in a way, communal. I was accepted into the Covenant by the community as a whole and as such, I have a responsibility to share part of myself with the community. Whether I’m attending services, studying Torah, giving financial support, or meeting with recent or prospective converts, I am engaging with the People of Israel and contributing the best parts of who I am to the Covenant. I believe Judaism is a religion of community and it is when we are together in community that we truly experience God through one another.

Judaism isn’t for wimps. Each individual has a responsibility to the community to be a part of the Covenant in any way he/she is able. Without all its members, the community is weakened and must struggle to survive. When I made the decision to convert I accepted the many responsibilities that Judaism demands of me because I know that it isn’t just my reputation that’s on the line – it’s my community as well.

I had intended to post something on my long-neglected blog before 2010’s end however, time slipped away from me and as I looked at the calendar today and noticed it was already mid-January I began to panic. Then I realized that my last post was October 15th! Looking back over the past three months I can identify many reasons for not taking the time to blog… ironically enough, many of those experiences are the exact reason I began my blog in the first place. So, without further explanation here are some things I’ll write about over the next few days, weeks, and months:

The discovery of a tumor in my brain (benign – whew!).

The announcement that BOTH Rabbis at my shul will be leaving, one this year, the other next year.

The worsening of my migraines – both in frequency and severity.

The side-effects of the new medication I’m taking for migraines (I shake as though I am experiencing some type of withdrawal).

My experiences teaching the weekly Torah Portion at my shul.

My continued battle with food/weight.

So for those that have followed me, I’m back after a small hiatus. Thanks for sticking with me. For those that may have just discovered this blog, keep reading. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

MTV or VH1 used to showcase an artist “unplugged.” He or she was generally a rock artist that would sit down in front of a small audience, field questions, and play acoustic versions of songs that were traditionally played with electric guitars, drums, etc. Invariably, people loved the acoustic versions of these classic songs, sometimes enough to propel the songs to the top of the charts.

Since before my conversion, I’ve applied the same concept to my observance of Shabbat. For starters, I attend services on Friday night. I unplug from the week by declining invitations for Friday night parties, gatherings, or dinners out. Services have become an important part of my life – not because I have to go to shul, but because I want to go to shul. The Shabbat service offers me the unique opportunity to take in a deep breath and release all the week’s stress, upsets, resentments, worries, and hassles and breath in a “second soul,” (neshamah yetairah) just for Shabbat (this is an awesome concept and one of my favorites in Judaism!). My “second soul” allows me to celebrate Shabbat fully and releases me from the trappings (figuratively and literally) of my day-to-day life. I love the way Rabbi Harold Kushner put it: ” I would like to think that Sabbath observance, like virtue, is its own reward, that it is worth doing not because it makes you a better worker, but because it makes you a better human being in those parts of your life that have nothing to do with work.”

Although I’m still getting used to it, I unplug from the computer on Shabbat – no Facebook, e-mail, or blogging. Don’t get me wrong… I’m the first one to admit that I love all the technological ways to connect with people in this day and age but Shabbat is a time for me to relax and connect with G-d and for me, the best way to do this is through study. Sometimes I re-read the Torah portion for the week and read through the Haftorah, then read the commentaries on both to see what scholars and our Sages have to say about each. Shabbat offers me the time to do this without feeling pressured by tasks that need to get done or messages to answer. Even if it’s just reading through the Siddur at a leisurely pace, I’m connecting with G-d in a way that I don’t often get the chance to do – deliberately and purposefully.

I try to unplug from worry on Shabbat. This is a big one for me because I spend a lot of wasted time worrying; worrying about how we’ll pay the mortgage this month, worrying about the hundreds of drivers I share the road with each day and wondering if one of them has been drinking and could run into me with their car, worrying about my job, worrying about my relationships. On Shabbat, I look in the mirror and say out loud, STOP! For the remainder of Friday night/Saturday I try to quiet my mind and stop worrying. Things generally have a way of working out and Shabbat allows me to spend a day free from worry and to discover that everything comes out the way it should whether I worry about it or not.

For now, I try to focus on these three things each Shabbat; attending services, refraining from social media, and ceasing the endless cycle of worry. For now, this is my way of unplugging for Shabbat. I’m sure with time I’ll get better at finding different ways to observe this most important Jewish observance and I look forward with much anticipation and excitement to discovering additional ways to make this day sacred and special.

As I stood on the platform I nervously fingered the Star of David around my neck. Because I’m not a jewelry person the necklace is simple – a small, sterling silver Star of David (given to me by my wife) attached to a box chain that is longer than I’d like but the only one I could find that fit over my head (I hate having to clasp and un-clasp things). The silver stood out against the dark t-shirt I had on.

As we were waiting for the Metrolink I noticed the people around me. We had traveled from the Norwalk Station to the Harbor Freeway/Artesia Station and were supposed to continue on to Downtown Los Angeles. I had reluctantly agreed to accompany Scully’s Mom (the name my wife has chosen for me to identify her in the blogging world) on a trial run to the county building she works out of, hoping that her commute from Orange County to Downtown Los Angeles would take less time aboard the train than it does sitting in her car inching along through bumper-to-bumper traffic. As a red-headed, very fair-skinned woman wearing a Star of David and holding hands with another woman, I was definitely in the minority… in more ways than one.

When I made the decision to convert to Judaism I stopped wearing the cross and St. Francis medallion I had worn for years and began wearing the Star of David. For me, wearing religious jewelry is an outward symbol of who I am and what I believe and for the most part, I don’t wear jewelry that doesn’t have some kind of meaning (I sometimes look at stylish earrings or dangley bracelets and wonder why I’ve got it in my head that my jewelry has to have “meaning;” that’s another blog for another time). 10 years ago, I would have welcomed comments about the rainbow-striped bracelet I used to wear or some kind of political pin that announced to the world that I was (and still am) a very liberal Democrat, but yesterday I began to feel very self-conscious (more so that I usually do) and I was surprised and ashamed that I considered hiding the necklace inside my t-shirt.

When I wore a cross I never felt that my behaviour was called to a higher standard and I never felt afraid that my necklace would arouse hatred in others. When I wore a rainbow-striped bracelet I never felt afraid to engage with those that spewed hate-filled rhetoric outside my undergraduate campus. Now that I wear a Star of David I realize how much I’ve changed and how important it is to me to represent Judaism in a way that my ancestors would be proud of and now that I wear a Star of David I also realize that this simple yet powerful symbol has been used as a reason for exclusion, prejudice, and even as justification for murder. Standing on that platform waiting for the train I suddenly realized what an awesome responsibility it is to wear a Star of David and how I, too, even in 2010 could become a target of the ignorance and fear of others.

I realized this weekend that when the Rabbi and I spoke about accepting ALL of Judaism, he meant the fear of those that have gone before me. The fear that the Jews living in Spain experienced under Ferdinand and Isabella. The fear that the Jews living in Germany experienced under Hitler. The fear that countless Jews across the ages have experienced as a result of the ignorance of others and even the fear that is brought on by my ignorance of people who behave, look, and act differently than I do.

I never hid the necklace inside my t-shirt but we never made it all the way to Downtown LA. I told Scully’s Mom I was “uncomfortable” and wanted to go home and I pondered the experience for the rest of the evening and continue to ponder it today. I now have a better understanding of the responsibility I have when I wear the Star of David; it’s a responsibility to Judaism, to my ancestors, and to myself and it’s a responsibility I will no longer take lightly.

Archived Posts

Archived Posts

Email Subscription

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.