“Are you sure?” Tommy asks. “Yes. I am.” The doctor replies. “There’s no chance on a mistake?” Tommy knows the answer, there is nothing he can ask, that he can say, that will make these results go away.

“No, Mr Walker, the tests are conclusive, the reason why your wife cannot get pregnant, is because your body isn’t producing any sperm. There is no easy way to say this, but … you’re sterile.” Yes, that does sounds a bit like what he said two minutes ago as well. Tommy looks away. This cannot be happening! Not to him! Not now!

“There is nothing I can do? Treatment? Pills? Operation? I don’t know. Anything?” He asks desperately. The doctor shakes his head. “Mr Walker, if your wife wants to get pregnant, the two of you will have to look for another option. I’m sorry.” And the whole world crumbles around Tommy.

*****

“William! What a surprise to see you!” Holly’s face lights up. “Oh, I was in the neighborhood and I thought that I would bring you this basket. Wine? Toast? Caviar?” He shows her and she laughs excitedly. She takes it out of his hands and he follows her to her kitchen.

She was obviously not expecting anyone. Her black dress is replaced by a dress that is rather see-through and that reveal some interesting curves and her long blond hair curls around her shoulders, happy that it’s not tied up in a bun, as usual. Her smile is inviting and William wonders for a moment what it would feel like to touch her.

William immediately shrugs the idea. He’s married. He loves Nora. She is the most important woman in his life. “Wouldn’t it bother your wife if she knew that you’re seeing other women?” Holly asks jokingly, but William shakes his head. He plans to say that Nora trusts him.

“My wife died not long ago.” He hears himself say. Holly’s smile vanishes. “I’m sorry. That must be so hard. I know. I still miss David every day. So I know how lonely it can get. Sometimes you just miss the company of another human being.” She says softly and William moves closer to her.

He wraps his arms around her and holds her close, trying to comfort her. It starts with a kiss on her hair, then it goes lower and he tastes the tear on her cheek. She lifts her head somewhat and William’s lips cover Holly’s. She pushes herself against him, seeking his touch and his warmth.

Two hours later, William calls Nora from their ranch in Ojai, saying he can’t be back on time. He still has so much work to do. Nora begs him to be home before two o’clock in the afternoon tomorrow and he promises he’ll be there. He tells her he will switch off his phone so he can work in a quiet place. She says she won’t call.

And William puts his underwear, toothbrush and clean clothes in a bag and returns to the house of the Harpers, where Holly waits for him with a nice little dinner. He knows he’s safe. Nora will not come to Ojai, she hates the ranch, so there’s no chance anyone will find out where he’s spending his time.

*****

CHRISTMAS 2007

Justin takes a deep breath before following Fawn up the stairs to her family’s house. He’s not sure he wants to be here, but Fawn needs to do this and he’s here to support her. Her mother opens the door to let them in. She looks tired and sad. This house always depresses Justin.

The curtains are half closed, so that it’s somber in the house. One of walls in the hall is decorated with pictures. The same pictures you will find in the study, in the kitchen and in the living room. They are all of Adam, Fawn’s younger brother, who died in Iraq. In the living room is the largest ‘shrine’.

The huge picture of Adam in uniform. The letter that confirmed his death, the many cards Fawn’s family had received, the decorations he had earned, the trophies he had won in high-school. Justin shivers. The whole house is a shrine to Adam and his life and above all, his death.

Oddly enough, there is almost nothing on Fawn here. It’s like she doesn’t exist. All focus goes to Adam. He watches how Fawn walks around the room. Her fingers sliding along pictures, sometimes tracing her brother’s face with her fingertips. She moves as if she half-asleep and Justin wonders if she’s been drinking something.

Fawn’s mother comes in with coffee and cakes. They were Adam’s favorite, remember? She’s making dinner for tonight. It will include mashed potatoes, Adam loved them so much. They have decided to not put up the Christmas-tree. It wouldn’t be the same without Adam to turn on all the lights.

Fawn tells her mother that she’s works in a small boutique for children’s clothes and her mom smiles at her. Adam would have been so excited for Fawn. Fawn tells her mother that Justin and she bought a loft and her mother and her mother is concerned about the price, because Adam’s loft had been so expensive….

Justin feels like he could scream, if he hears Adam’s name mentioned one more time….. But he just sits there on the couch, sips his coffee, eats the dry cake and prays for Fawn’s signal that they can leave. And he feels sorry for her as he sees her get pale, her hands starting to tremble to a point that she needs to put her coffee cup down.

And her mother goes on and on about Adam and Justin knows that Fawn’s mother doesn’t know about Fawn’s alcohol problem, doesn’t know that Fawn was found one day with a nearly fatal drugs overdose. She doesn’t realize that she so busy with her dead son, that she cannot even see her still living daughter dying slowly over the loss of her brother.

Fawn misses Adam like crazy. Her parents had always been proud of him, but Adam had always been proud of Fawn. Fawn had been the light of his life and she had felt the same about him. His death had been devastating to her. She knows she needs to live on, Adam would have wanted her to. But it is so hard without him.

Justin catches her attention and he makes a quick move with his head, signaling that he wants to get out of the house. She nods and starts looking for a way to stop the stream of Adam-stories coming from her mother’s mouth. Suddenly she checks her watch. “Oh! Justin! Look at the time! … I’m sorry, mom, we have to leave. We have an appointment.”

If her mother cares at all that Justin and Fawn have to leave, she is not showing it and 10 minutes later Justin closes the door behind Fawn and they descend the stairs slowly, both in thoughts. When they get to the car, Fawn turns to Justin. “What about me? I’m still here….” She says softly and then she starts to cry.

*****

“I’ve missed this.” Scotty moans as he kisses Kevin’s chest, but lets his hands caress Kevin’s sides and back. Kevin, who straddles Scotty’s thighs, smiles and pushes Scotty’s head back to kiss him. “You have no idea how much I missed you.” Kevin replies.

“Show me?” Scotty begs, shifting position so that Kevin rolls on his back on the bed with Scotty on top of him. They both laugh, before Scotty demands a kiss and then they are quiet for a while, enjoying their intimacy on that large bed, until they both need some oxygen.

“This is heaven.” Scotty places a grape in Kevin’s mouth. “Yes, all I need to completely intoxicate me is right here in my arms.” Kevin replies and Scotty smiles and caresses Kevin’s face. “So? Still, nobody knows about us?”

“No. Not a word. If any of my siblings breathes a word to my dad, he’s going to explode.” “And you don’t want that to happen?” “Not with me out of the country. I want to be there to see it happen.” Kevin grins.“Yeah, well, we have a bigger problem now.” Scotty laughs.

“Which is?” “What will we do tonight for Christmas? Have dinner somewhere? Or do we eat here? I have enough to make a good meal.” “Chad is staying with a friend of his. He has asked us to come over.” Kevin replies.

“Oh?” “Yeah, sorry, I wanted to tell you, but we started to kiss and then I completely forgot about Chad.” “You forgot a possible date with a porn star, because you were having sex with an apprentice sous-chef? That’s the best excuse I’ve ever heard.” Scotty laughs.

“Nah. He said he’d understand if I was too busy ....” “Followed by a conspiratory wink?” “Wink? He practically tripped over his eye-lashes.” Kevin grins. “I don’t mind going to Chad and his friend, but I’d prefer some time for ourselves....”

“Your wish is my command.” Kevin says graciously and he takes his phone to call Chad to explain that he and Scotty will not be joining the party tonight. When he returns to the bedroom Scotty looks up. “What did he say?”

“That it was alright.... that he preferred spending some time with his boyfriend .. alone. Apparently the good man confirmed the best known stereotypes for black men.” “Too much info.” Scotty judges. “It was given to me by Chad, free of charge.”

“It had better be free of charge.” Scotty laughs. “I’ll better prepare us a meal then.” “No, won’t be necessary. Chad is sending someone over with some surplus food they have.” “Surplus food? That sounds cheap.”

“Yes, it is. He will send us someone who will bring us some cheap things like ... Lobster?...” Kevin teases Scotty and he immediately sees that Scotty remembers their first kiss over lobster and champagne. “Do we still have champagne?” Scotty asks with an mischievous smile.

“Nope. But he will give us three bottles of that too. He has plenty anyway.” Kevin grins.“Lucky us.” Scotty whispers as he gets closer to Kevin and soon enough they are lost in their kissing, until the bell of the front door brings them back to Earth and reminds them that dinner is almost ready.