Marriage

So as some of you know I'm going into law enforcement. I'm wondering if anyone has any sort of tips for me and my girlfriend (we'll be getting married obviously). I've seen/heard a big tip is leave work at work, but what does that mean? Like, don't talk to her about what happened at work so you don't worry her? But wouldn't that make her feel like you can't confide in her?

I want to work hard now and make sure our relationship is strong as hell when I start my career.

"Train like there is no tomorrow, and there will be a tomorrow!" - Unknown

I've been married to my bride for a little over 27 years so I guess that qualifys me to respond. I wasn't in law enforcement when we met/married. It was about three years in that I got into this line of work. With that being said I rarely talk about the job. The way I look at it I didn't tell her about the job when I worked in a factory so why start when I got into law enforcement? Once in a while I'll tell her about a funny thing that happened. She can read about the serious stuff in the paper. Everything in between is just my job. When I get home from work the last thing I want to do is to discuss it. That's just me and it's worked. I guess that every relationship is different. Some spouses in my department have done ride alongs. My feeling is that whatever works works. Are you employed now? How much do you talk about your job with your girlfriend? Whatever it is will probably follow into law enforcement.

My husband usually needs to vent about what happened at work. So i listen and let him vent. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then I don't push him. When we first got together he would have really bad dreams. Now that he talks about the stuff that is bothering him, he doesn't have them as much if he has any at all. I guess if ya'll have that line of communication open and if you need to talk to her about what is going on, then do so. If your talking about what is going on at work, makes her upset or stressed out more than she is already, then you two have to work that out for yourselves. Just make it an option just in case something does happen and you need to vent and get it out of your system. Best of luck....

I've been married to my bride for a little over 27 years so I guess that qualifys me to respond. I wasn't in law enforcement when we met/married. It was about three years in that I got into this line of work. With that being said I rarely talk about the job. The way I look at it I didn't tell her about the job when I worked in a factory so why start when I got into law enforcement? Once in a while I'll tell her about a funny thing that happened. She can read about the serious stuff in the paper. Everything in between is just my job. When I get home from work the last thing I want to do is to discuss it. That's just me and it's worked. I guess that every relationship is different. Some spouses in my department have done ride alongs. My feeling is that whatever works works. Are you employed now? How much do you talk about your job with your girlfriend? Whatever it is will probably follow into law enforcement.

Bingo....we have a winner. Leave work at work. If I have to talk about work with someone, I talk to the guys I work with...thats the brotherhood.

This is a exciting time for you and it sounds like you are an the right track. I am married to a cop. He was not a cop when we got married. I am ok with him telling me about the job I just tell him I don't want to know the details. He does vent to me about work and I am there for him. You will have to talk to her about what she wants and is ok with hearing. Being a cop is a hard job. It will put a strain on your relationship. As someone in uniform you will get alot of attention from the opposite sex, just keep everything in prospective and always put her first. Divorce rates are high in this profession and you will need to work hard to keep a balance in your life, relationship and work. Best wishes, Cindy

Just remember to keep your family above your career and God above all. I have been married to the same great woman for 28 years the last 10 as a L.E.O. I have always worked shifts even as a civialian so that was not a consideration or worry. Some spouses can not handle the shift work. Be patient and work together on it. If they love you they will accept it. I wish I had started this career when I was younger, love it and would not do anything else. Good luck with both your relationship and your new career choice.

Bad stuff happens to good people, handle it and overcome.
My motto for life:
Let go and let GOD,
Only HE can control everything.

I tell my hubby the funny things, serious things, brass and how they drive me batty, scary things. I share everything with him anyways why not work. He doesnt get frazzled about it all, he knew me years before I became a cop and knew what we were in for when I started all of this.

I work a lot, Im proud of my work and what I've accomplished why would I want to leave him out of such a big part of my life ??

A lot of the time he just listens to me as I vent, sometimes thats all I need just to get it out and have him listen. He doesnt preach to me about how I should do something or "just forget about it".

Word of advice: You can share about work with your spouse most things, but not all, and you should always set a limit as to how much time you talk about work. I personally have found myself going on about work and it drove my wife batty. So we set time limits for both of us to talk about our days at work...

That about sums up how much we discuss my work. A lot of what we do is too mundane to talk about. It's 90% bored out of your skull, and 10% Balls to the wall adrenaline pumping action. But as others have said, it's different for everybody. Don't walk around like you're some kind of bad ass. If you can't talk about things with her for whatever reason talk about it with Somebody. I don't want to hear about another Cop eating his gun because he was too stressed out.

"Don't take this joke as a job". Go home, let the work stay at work. Communicate with you family (and tell them about your day, with discretion ofcourse), because they are your backbone. Put their needs before your work, and they will support you. Don't talk cop to them all the time, thats what PL is for.

Being a spouse of a Officer is extreamly hard they sometimes become the "catch all". I dont think you should leave work at work but you should leave problems from work at work. Being a Officer you get to see and be a part of alot of things the average citizen do not and I think you should share your experiences with your spouse. But as all Officers know this job carries alot of stress with it and thats the part that should stay at work......

Being a spouse of a Officer is extreamly hard they sometimes become the "catch all". I dont think you should leave work at work but you should leave problems from work at work. Being a Officer you get to see and be a part of alot of things the average citizen do not and I think you should share your experiences with your spouse. But as all Officers know this job carries alot of stress with it and thats the part that should stay at work......

Most spouses have a natural curiosity about LE and emergency services in general.....share if they ask....vent if you need to ...but complaining not so much ...that should stay at work and be directed to the proper channels if its serious ( harassment, etc ) employment issue. Keeping it inside if it bothers you will just wear you down eventually.

my significant other and i work work the same job so sometimes it is all work and it gets old. be honest but dont tell all the gorey details. if she asks tell her. and under no circumstances let her get a scanner and listen!!!! she will freak out and get worried over every call!

To me leaving work at work simply means that after I exit the building from shift change I either vent to my co-workers, or find a healthy outlet like range time, or a game of pool, something to blow off steam. Then I go home, open the door and hear " Daddy you're back! I'm so glad your're here!" from my little boy. and I forget I have a life other than him for awhile. If my wife happens to ask about my day we have an established code. SSDD= boring/usual. or SSDT(Same S*#@ Different Toilet) = chang of pace/ "hands on work", and if she is in the mood to listen I can give her the readers digest version without getting too recharged over it . Plus with work at work I can concentrate on the stuff that matters.

Don't get your knickers in a knot. Nothing is solved and it just makes you walk funny. ~Kathryn Carpenter

Just be ordinary and nothing special. Eat your food, move your bowels, pass water, and when you're tired, go and lie down. The ignorant will laugh at me, but the wise will understand. ~Bruce Lee

Just make sure she can handle shift work. This was the hardest thing my wife had to put up with. She doesn't like to be home alone at night, but she puts up with it. I don't always tell my wife the gory little details that I dont think she should know (ie: the little kid who gets hit by a car or drowns, or the bloody crime scenes.) I like my family to feel sheltered from the horrors we have to put up with regularly. I would get a good buddy in the police dept. to confide in if you need to vent about anything like that for your own sake.

"The will to win is meaningless without the will to prepare!" -- Joe Gibbs

Just make sure she can handle shift work. This was the hardest thing my wife had to put up with. She doesn't like to be home alone at night, but she puts up with it. I don't always tell my wife the gory little details that I dont think she should know (ie: the little kid who gets hit by a car or drowns, or the bloody crime scenes.) I like my family to feel sheltered from the horrors we have to put up with regularly. I would get a good buddy in the police dept. to confide in if you need to vent about anything like that for your own sake.

this is good advise bro. Im no longer married because my ex could not deal with my schdule and a few other reasons. Make sure both of you are ready and know what lyes ahead. Good luck man

My bf is trying to become an officer and im currently one month away from becoming a nurse so we both will be doing shift work which is good for both of us so just do your best to keep your home life at the door when you walk into work and leave your work at the door when you get home. Its healthy to talk and listen just leave the nasty details out of it ! good luck

a little background: my girlfriend and i have been together a while and are planning on getting married soon. we started dating after i was already a cop. the way things work with us: she works shift work as a nurse so we don't really have the "understanding the hours" problem. as far as the worrying goes, she always was somewhat concerned when i left for a shift, but it was never too bad until i the first time i came home with an injury. for a while there she was really upset about what could happen to me on duty. however, i explained to her the amount of training i have, the number of officers that are seconds/minutes away, and the technology that we all use that keeps us safe. after we had that conversation, her levels of anxiety went down substantially. not right away, but eventually. i will say never hide anything from her. if she asks, tell her. but don't get into too much detail. keep it simple, skip the parts that make it more dangerous, and talk about the funny parts you see. it will make her feel much better about things. but...only if she asks. if you need to vent or talk about things that are a little on the risky side, talk to another officer before her. if you still feel the absolute need to tell her, just be careful. it's a great career, but if you let it affect your relationship with the one you love, it won't mean the same to you as it once did.