I am delighted to welcome back my distinguished guest, Dart, for Part 2 of our chat about Power Exchange, BDSM and role playing . He is the Toronto based yet internationally known and respected bondage artist, educator, leather titleholder and Dom.

This is my new series of podcast interviews called Sex EDGE-U-cation. It’s all about the fascinating world of fetish sex and kink and alternative lifestyles. We’ll touch on topics both familiar and exotic. We’ll chat with prominent educators, practitioners and advocates of unconventional sexual expressions and lifestyles from all over the world.

If you somehow missed Part 1 of this amazing interview, look for Podcast #99 on Dr Dick’s Podcasts page. Look for the tab at the top of the page.

Name: Frasier
Gender:
Age: 63
Location: Southern Calif
I’ve been a widower for 9 years now. But before she died it was always my fantasy to see her suck another guy’s cock. Since she’s passed away I’ve had this fantasy of me sucking another guy’s cock. This never crossed my mind before she died. Can you help me understand this?

Hmmm, Frasier, let me see if I got this straight. You’ve been a widower for 9 years. However, while your wife was still living you had a fantasy of watching her suck another guy’s cock. Ok, not a particularly odd fetish that. But I am unclear about one thing. Did this wife sucking other guy’s cock actually happen, or not? Not that this is particularly important, just wondering. So, now 9 years later you say you suddenly have the urge to smoke some pole yourself, even though you’ve never thought of doing this before. Is this correct?

Ahhh even if I understand you correctly, I don’t get the question. Wait, maybe there is no question? Maybe you’re just curious about why a 63 year old confirmed, dyed in the wool straight heterosexual guy like you suddenly realizes he want to suck himself some cock. I can see how you might find this little discovery a bit disconcerting, but it’s certainly not unprecedented. I guess you’re being startled out of our sexual complacency, huh? Not to worry, it may simply be situational. You are probably worried that this makes you queer, right? I think we can safely say that your curious new interest means no such thing.

Let’s just say for the sake of argument that you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other dude’s johnson. Ok, then what? Well, basically nothing. If you find, after this little adventure, that you don’t much like sucking cock and that you’re really still into pussy. No harm done. You experimented a little and you now have more information about yourself then you did before the experimental blowjob. You may simply discover that you only like having your female partners do the cock sucking while you do the watching. Like I said, a relatively harmless and unremarkable fetish.

But, what if you decide to pursue this little jones of yours and you actually take the opportunity to wrap your lips around some other guy’s johnson and you really like it. Well that’s a horse of different color, isn’t it? Then you’ll have to come to grips with the realization that despite you long history of straight heterosexualism, you might be, at this point in your life, kinda bisexual. How fun for you!

There is of course another explanation. Some exclusively straight heterosexual guys suck dick not because it’s a turn on…the dick sucking that is. They do it to be submissive. Alrighty, whatever turns one’s crank!

I think we can safely say that for the most part, humans are not sexual automatons. Given a more permissive and sex-positive culture then our own, we’d all be more fluid in our eroticism and sexual expression. It’s true; you are in unfamiliar waters, sexually speaking. But it’s just a little adventure, not the end of the world. I hope you give yourself permission to experiment a bit.

Ya know, you could hook up with a male escort or see an erotic masseur for a little taste. In fact, I’d tell the provider what you just told me. Let him know you’re looking to experiment a little, but you’re unsure how to begin. I’ll bet the provider will be very helpful. Write back sometime, I’d love to know how it goes for you.

Nope, I don’t Joey. Despite the prevalence of this dastardly drug, there is nothing fun about tina…crystal meth for those unfamiliar with the term “tina”. If you love doing tina for whatever reason, I’d wager you’re hooked on that shit.

Listen, I’m not prude when it comes to using some drugs recreationally. But I think that we’d do well to stick to those drugs that are more natural. The less processing involved (and meth is the worst in that regard) and fewer added chemicals (OMG, the crap they put in crystal) the better, in my humble opinion.

Despite the admitted high ya get, recent research shows that long-term meth use destroys nerve cells in the brain that regulate dopamine, muscle movement, memory, and decision-making. This damage can be wide-spread and permanent.

Your body reacts to crystal meth the same way it reacts to danger. Crystal floods the body with adrenaline — the same hormone that prepares us for emergencies. Adrenaline gives a super-charge of strength and endurance so the body can deal with danger and injury. But artificially triggering this response over and over again will have serious consequences.

When you use crystal, your nervous system shifts into high gear. The brain floods your body with “danger” messages. Your body responds immediately to what it thinks is a threat. It prepares to fight or to run away. Common body responses to perceived danger include:

Pupils dilate to let in more light.

Hair stands on end (“getting goose bumps”).

Blood vessels just under the skin constrict.

Body temperature goes up

Regular, long-term crystal use will diminish sores of neurotransmitters. Episodes of paranoia and anxiety become more frequent and longer lasting. Blocked blood vessels within the brain can lead to increased chances of stroke.

Crystal fucks with your dopamine levels. Dopamine delivers a sense of reward and pleasure. It is also associated with body movement. Too little dopamine causes paralysis or a Parkinson’s-like tremors and rigidity. Too much dopamine and a person can become paranoid, hear voices and get twisted thoughts. Sound familiar?

Crystal fucks with your serotonin levels. Serotonin is involved in regulating sleep and sensory perception. It plays a role in moods and regulating body temperature. Serotonin is involved with many emotional disorders like schizophrenia, phobias, super-aggressive states and obsessive-compulsive behavior. Too much serotonin can make it difficult (or impossible) to have an orgasm. And of course there’s the dreaded “crystal dick”…the inability to get it up.

Joey, listen up! You’re way too young with too much of your life ahead of you to self-inflict so much serious irreparable damage on yourself. If this weren’t such a troublesome drug, there wouldn’t be such a virulent anti and reformed tweeker community out there. Want to know the real truth about “tina” check in at: crystalmeth.org. You’ll be glad you did.

Name: Shelly
Gender: Female
Age: 20
Location: Raleigh, NC
My boyfriend and I are 20. We’ve been together for almost two years and we’re in love. But we have a problem. I’m pro-choice and he isn’t. He says he won’t have sex with me unless I agree to have the kid if I get pregnant. I told him there’s no way I can agree to that. It’s my choice because it’s my body. But then he says it’s his choice to stop having sex with me because he disagrees with my views. Where do I go from here? I’m not ready to start a family; we’re not even married.

Ya know, Shelly, if men got pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

Where do you go from here? Simply put? Hit the road; or better yet, tell him to. This dude who you say you love and loves you back is actually trying to control you with his dick. That’s never a good thing. It would also set a dangerous precedent for the rest of your relationship. Because if he gets his way on this one; mark my words, he’ll try the same dickhead ploy over and over again. I realize you don’t have much of a frame of reference about these things, being as young as you are. But healthy adult relationships don’t come with sexual ultimatums. EVER.

There is of course a way to have your cake and eat it too. You can enjoy a full and rich sex life and avoid unplanned pregnancies all at the same time. Let me introduce you kids to a little concept we call contraception.

WTF, you’re both 20 years old, you should have a handle on elementary notion already. Where have you been all your life? Both of you should be well versed in several methods of contraception. And you both should practice at least one foolproof method. If you are too immature to put this together, I can assure you you’re way to immature to commence fucking. Get it?

Here’s the deal. I’m not a big fan of abortion either, especially when it’s used as the primary means of avoiding a pregnancy. And since there’s a very safe and easy way to avoid this unfortunate moral dilemma, you guys would be fools not to take advantage of it. But wait! What if the BF is opposed to contraception? It sure sounds to me like he might. Well then you really are shit out of luck. No fucking for you till you’re married. No, till you are absolutely ready to conceive, even if that’s well after you’re married. Because you know you’re gonna get knocked up the very first time you let him near your pussy.

Mutual masturbation works an alternative to full on fucking. But probably there’s some prohibition against that in his world too, huh? So you see why I said at the beginning that your best option is to hit the road, or tell him to.

Name: PaunFarr
Gender: Male
Age: 41
Location: Ohio
Dr. Dick, I’m feeling the intense letdown of the ballot issues passed this week in California, Florida and Arkansas. Especially CA, where they had gay marriage but now have lost it, and my heart goes out for all those married couples now in limbo. I don’t understand this. Ohio passed their “marriage protection” act a couple years ago, and it was a devastating blow to me. Why is ok for the majority to restrict the rights of the minority? Where is our defender? Where is justice simply because it’s the right thing, not necessarily the popular thing? Will Barack Obama be able to turn around the tide of hatred and discrimination that George Bush has sewn for eight years? How long must we wait to be recognized as equal citizens and not made to feel like the lowest form of person possible? Looking for some advice on how to hold my head high when we’re so often given the message to slink away.

Yeah, I’m bummed too. But the November 4th vote is not the end of the story. There are many more chapters yet to be written. Don’t let your disappointment and frustration take the wind out of your sails.

The very first thing I learned in the 30 plus years I’ve spent fighting for human rights, is that equality and justice never comes easily. The second thing I learned is that my dignity and self-worth is not dependent on the approbation of others.

You learn to hold your head up because you KNOW you are as good as anyone else. You fight inequality and injustice wherever you find it, not just in the gay community. You make allies of all the other people in your community who are marginalized for whatever reason. You build a coalition. When your efforts fail, as they often will, you support and encourage your colleagues and plan your next assault on the in equitable and unjust system. In fact, you redouble your grassroots organizing to broaden your base by reaching out to others in a language they will understand. One thing is certain; other minorities will not automatically understand your oppression as a gay man any more than you will automatically understand what oppresses them. But working together to find common ground will provide you the means to achieve your goals of equality in the dominant culture. That’s how it’s done.

And ya know what? This struggle is never over. If you leave the battle once your rights have been secured, then you signal to your allies that you were only in it for yourself. Nothing will undermine a coalition faster than selfishness.

Whatever you do, don’t be lookin for a defender to swoop in and save the day for you. That’s the stuff of fairytales. If you’re not on the front lines making this coalition happen, then don’t expect anyone, from the president on down, to come to your rescue. Remember, dignity is not the result of the struggle; dignity is in the struggle. Make this your life’s work and you won’t be discouraged with one, or even several, set backs.

Name: Paige
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Location: Tulsa
I am engaged to a wonderful guy. I’m excited about my upcoming marriage, but I’m also afraid that it will fail. I know you are going to think we’re freaks, but my fiancé and I have decided to save ourselves for after we are married. Some of our friends even our recently married friends are having trouble with their relationship and with the divorce rate so high, what are the chances that my marriage will work? Do I just have cold feet or am I not ready to get married?

First off, I don’t think you’re a freak for reserving full sexual expression till after you are married. It wasn’t too long ago when that sort of thing was the norm. And as you say, even though nowadays most people enter marriage as established sex partners, that alone won’t insure a marriage will be a success.

So ok, if a successful marriage is not dependent on sexual experience what does it take to make a marriage work? Hell, if I knew that I’d bottle it and make myself a well deserved fortune.

For the sake of argument, let’s just say you are the marrying kind and that you simply have cold feet, like every bride and groom to be does. Let’s say that you and your fiancé have made the right choice…for you…to enter your marriage as virgins. What’s next? Possibly you need to jettison the Pollyanna notion that marriage is a breeze. Your recently married friends are having problems because there are always problems in a marriage. It’s the nature of the beast. Hopefully, the problems you guys will face won’t be insurmountable. But, sure as shootin’, problems will be your constant companions, sometimes they’ll even big problems. So count on it and prepare yourself accordingly.

If you have an unwavering commitment to one another to do whatever it takes to make your overall relationship work, you’ll probably be ok. Being sexually unfamiliar with one another may be a liability or it might be an asset. One thing is certain, if you guys start to have problems with the whole sex thing, as often happens for newlyweds, get help right away. There should be no shame or embarrassment about that. In fact, you might want to be proactive and start looking around for sexual enrichment courses or videos to help you grow together as lovers. Look to my Product Review Page for some video and toy suggestions.

Here are some generic tips. Great sex is dependent on mutuality. Be sure your partner knows he or she is loved, appreciated and respected. One of you may discover that he or she has a stronger libido than the other. That’s pretty common. Deal with this immediately, like adults. Don’t wait for your relationship to go broken. Accommodations and compromise are always necessary in seeking the common good. And people come to compromise and accommodation through effective communication. If you don’t know how to do that, your relationship is doomed.

Passion is not a dirty word, nor is creative sexual expression a sin. If you have religious scruples about enjoying your body and that of your fiancé you’re headed for trouble. Boredom in the bedroom, particularly for newlyweds is a recipe for disaster.

Saving yourself for your wedding night does not preclude you being well versed in self-pleasuring. In fact, the more you know about your body and the mysteries of your sexual response cycle the smoother things will go for the two of you on your wedding night. Nowadays there is absolutely no need for anyone to come to their marriage bed uninformed about sex in general and his or her sexuality in particular. And come prepared; always have lots and lots of lube handy!

Like I said, mutuality is the key. And since we all evolve sexually, both of you will need to grow right along with your partner. Make your sex play an adventure. Never hesitate to check in with one another to see how the pleasure thing is going. What worked last time is not necessarily gonna work the next time.

Spontaneity is always a real good thing. Traditional marriage doesn’t mean you have to be stogy. Both of you need to take responsibility for seeing that your intimacy needs are being met. Sometimes that will involve fucking like bunnies, other times it will mean vegging-out in front of the boob-tube with a fist full of Häagen-Dazs.

Openness and honesty about your most secret sexual desires and needs is essential. Can’t trust your partner with your secrets, you oughtn’t be married to him or her. Take responsibility for your own sexuality. Ask for what you want and need, but don’t neglect caring for yourself.

Seek your partner’s pleasure before your own. This is particularly important for a man. If you become too busy to celebrate your sexuality together, you are indeed too fuckin busy. Prioritize your life with your partner at its center.

There’s a fundamental difference between making love and fucking. Both have their place in a healthy marriage. And there ought also be room for solitary sex too. Everyone in entitled to privacy and private time, especially in a marriage.

Have some creativity about your sexual expression. Toys, fantasies, role-playing, they’re all good. Don’t be afraid to experiment. Attend to making your sex play spaces fit the mood — romantic to down and dirty. One size does not fit all, if you catch my drift.

If you plan to go to seed once you’re married you can be assured that the fire will go out just as soon as you do. Stay in shape, get plenty of exercise, and keep yourself attractive to your partner. Pay attention to your personal hygiene. No one wants to bump someone with a smelly body and bad breath.

Make sure your partner is fully aroused before full-on fucking. And remember sex is way more than the old in an out. Finally, have a sense of humor about the whole thing; it will help take the edge off.

I just love it when ya’ll take the time to write or call me to tell me about your spunk. I like it for two reasons. First, it reassures me that ya’ll are paying attention to your sexual response cycle. And that you continue to be fascinated with how your body works. These are two really good things.

Second, well hell, I just get a kick outta hearin’ about your joy juice discoveries. Gosh, It warms the cockles of my poor old heart. So keep it up, so to speak, and keep the good doctor informed. Who knows one day I may hear something I’ve never heard before.

Back to you Steve, there ain’t nothin’ to get all freaked out about. Eatin’ your spooge will not make you sick. If you get off suckin’ up your own seed, knock yourself out. Have a ball! Oh wait, you already are!

Think about it for a minute, there couldn’t possibly be anything in your cum that could harm big old you, because that would mean it would also be harmful to your cute little defenseless sperm. But it’s not, so there.

Technically speaking, your joy juice, semen to be more precise, is mostly water. There’s also a simple sugar to keep you’re hard workin’ sperm alive and well. And, the rest is pure protein, baby. So look at it this way, your eating habits, so to speak, will require you to eat just a little less tofu than the rest of us.

And I do know a little something about making your spooge…spunkalicious.
Most of our ejaculate is produced in our seminal vesicles and prostate gland: not in our testicles, as most folks think. Only our sperm is produced in our balls, and sperm makes up only a fraction of our ejaculate. Our prostate gland is influenced by what we consume; eat, drink, smoke, things like that. So if you want to have sweet tasting jizz, for yourself and others, watch what you consume. Oh, and drink lots of water too.

Eating celery and/or parsley can have an almost immediate effect on the taste of your cum. Some report that the effect can be as swift as 30 minutes. So not only do celery and parsley freshen your breath, but they freshen your spunk as well. Hey, it’s like having two mints in one.

Oh and I can turn you on to a brand new product. So brand new, in fact, that I have yet to publish a review of it on my Product Review Page. Let me introduce you to Intimate Teas. They have this special tea called My Maple Cookie. It’s a unique blend of premium herbs specially formulated to change the female genitalia and male semen to smell and taste like pure maple. How fun is that? And it really works too. I mean, who doesn’t want his/her juices to smell and taste like dessert?

If your diet is heavy with meats and fish your jizz will most likely have a bitter taste. A high concentration of dairy products creates a foul taste…so does all that coffee and nicotine. Lots of fruits and vegetables in your diet (except for asparagus that is) will produce a slightly sugary taste. And if you like your cocktails (the kind you drink, silly), it’s best to stick with high-quality, naturally fermented beers, wine or liquor. The cheap stuff, the rotgut, will not only give you a wicked hangover, but will cause your spooge to have an extremely acidic taste.

Name: Alva
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: New Mexico

It has been over six years since I have had sex. My husband of 12 years died cancer 5 years ago. There was no sex in our relationship the last year of his life. He was the love of my life and I still miss him so much. I would like to get back into the swing of things. I just don’t know how. My friends tell me I should get on with my life. They tell me I’m still an attractive woman and that I’m wasting my life. Sometimes they badger me so that I don’t want to be around them. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I’m dead inside. Why can’t I just move on?

You raise some very interesting issues, Alva, concerns that are often ignored or misdiagnosed by healing and helping professionals. Grief has a profound effect on every aspect of our lives. Yet there is hardly any literature on the effects grief has on our sexuality. To my mind, grief is the leading causes of sexual dysfunction for those who have experienced the death of a loved one. And you, my dear, present some of the classic symptoms — indecision, self-doubt, lack of libido, a desire to isolate.

Before I continue I want to underscore that grief is not depression. And treating grief with an antidepressant is counterproductive. It can actually take away the impetus to resolve the grief and get on the rest of one’s life.

Now, is six years of grieving enough? Apparently your friends think so. But what do you think? Would reviving your sex life sully the memory of your dear departed husband? I believe it’s time for you to bring this concern to a professional for help. I suggest that you get some therapy from someone who is well versed in both sexuality and grief counseling. I say this not because I’m siding with your friends, but because you, yourself, identify this as a problem.

What could a counselor do for you, you may ask? Well, I can only speak for myself, and the work I do in my practice. A good portion of my practice is with sick and dying people and their friends and family who survive them. I know the impact a terminal illness and the dying process can have on the surviving spouse or partner. We often go into survival mode, shutting down so much of ourselves in an effort to have the strength to cope with this life-altering experience. Of course, trying to kick-start our life afterwards is often a monumental effort. Without the support and guidance of a professional or a group of similarly challenged people, some of us just sink to the lowest common denominator and stop fully functioning.

Traumatic events in our lives can radically shift us out of living mode into merely surviving mode. And if this goes on for a long time — and six years is a very long time in my opinion — surviving mode begins to feel like living mode. But it’s not! Good thing we have friends to tell us when we are off course. You are right to say that sometimes the interventions of our friends can feel like badgering. And I know that’s not helpful. But how else are they to convey their continued concern for your wellbeing?

I believe in the resilience of the human spirit. I believe that we can honor our dead and continue to live and love too. Now it’s true that some animals and even some humans mate for life. And when the mate dies they never mate again. However, this doesn’t sound like you, Alva. It sounds to me like you have a desire to get on with your life, to fill the void, to make new connections, but you simply don’t know how. Acknowledging that fact is a real good place to begin.

Perhaps you could start by reawakening your sexuality through self-pleasuring. Reconnect with your body and the joy it can bring you. Six years is a long time to be without, so starting up again may take some effort. While you are working on resolving your grief in a grief support group, you might want to connect with another group member who will no doubt be experiencing much the same things as you. You could explore your sexuality together.

Reestablishing a social life will no doubt follow, slowly at first. But the inevitable tug of our basic need for human to human contact will draw you, if you let it. Remember the best testament to those who have died is to continue to celebrate life itself.

Name: Eddie
Gender: male
Age: 19
Location: Sacramento
I have a pretty big dick, almost 9 inches and if I try I can bend myself till the tip is just touching my lips and then I can shoot right in my mouth. But I want to get more of my cock in my mouth because I think it’s hot. Are there any exercises I can do to help me do this? Thanks.

You go, dude! Autofellatio, or self-sucking is every man’s dream. Of course, if all of us men folk could blow ourselves, there would be no good reason for us to ever leave our house.

What we have here, sex fans, is a guy who can orally masturbate himself. According to the Kinsey Reports less than 1% of males can lick or suck their own cock. Obviously, suckin’ is more difficult than lickin’, because the guy’s gotta fold himself over a whole lot more to get more of his unit in his mouth. But it is doable for the lucky few.

Did you know that there is archaeological evidence for self-administered blowjobs in Egyptian hieroglyphs? That’s right, sex fans! According to researcher David Lorton, “Many ancient texts refer to autofellatio within the religious mythology of Egypt. The sun god Ra is said to have created the god Shu and goddess Tefnut by sucking himself off, then spitting out his spunk into the ground.” Yeah baby, give me that old time religion!

Successful self-sucking depends on two things, Eddie — having a big enough dick and being limber as all get-out so you can pretty much bend in half. Every guy can do something about his flexibility, but none of us can grow our dick longer. That’s why this behavior remains fantasy material for the vast majority of us wee willies.

If you want to suck your own cock it’s a good idea to begin by expanding your range of motion; ya know, working on becoming more limber. Concentrate on stretching exercises that will help improve the flexibility in your legs, glutes, lower back, upper back and neck. If you’re not doin Yoga, pup, now’s a good time to start.

Begin by stretching out your legs. Your quads and hamstrings need to be nice and limber. While lying flat on the floor, with your legs fully extended. Lift each leg in succession. Take hold of your calf or thigh and pull your bent leg toward your chest. Hold this for 15 seconds, breathe deeply and release. Repeat five more times. Once you’re able to do one leg at a time, work on doing both legs at once. Be careful not to over stretch, you don’t want to pull a muscle.

Next stretch your back and neck. While lying flat on the floor, clasp your fingers together place them behind your head and slowly roll yourself up while your hold your chin to your chest. This will be exactly like doing a crunch, only completely different. Hold these stretches for 15 seconds apiece, breathe deeply and release. Repeat five more times.

Once you’ve mastered these stretches to the point you can pert-near fold yourself in half, you should be getting close to being able to lick your own dick…if it’s long enough, that is.

While lying flat on the floor place, roll yourself up, legs to your head and place your knees, one at a time, on either side of your head so you’re looking at your crotch and your pud is pointed towards your lips. Don’t forget to breathe through these stretches.

Now grab your ass and pull your dick closer to your mouth. If it’s meant to be, this is how it will happen. If it’s not meant to be, it won’t.

But don’t despair, if ya can’t pull this off. All those stretching exercises you’ve been doing will make you a much better lover with a partner. Because you will be much more limber for all the sexual gymnastics, don’t cha know.

Name: Gil
Gender: male
Age: 25
Location: Ohio
I’m bi and I have both female and male lovers. Right now, I’m in more of a same sex phase. I’m dating two different guys that I like a lot. Both are really nice and fun and the sex is pretty good. But neither one of these guys — one is 23 and the other is 25, knows how to kiss worth a damn. And I can’t get worked up without kissing. The 23 year old claims to be mostly straight and says kissing is too queer for him. The other guy is all like all open mouth teeth. Yuck! Is it just me, or is kissing a lost art for gay men?

You are so right on, Gil! Kissing is a lost art, but not just for gay men. Women often tell me that their straight male partners don’t know squat about kissing either. Is it just too intimate a thing for manly men nowadays or what?

And yeah, it is queer for one guy to kiss another guy. It’s supposed to be, for Pet’s sake! What, does the 23 year old think he’ll maintain his “straightness” if he sucks and fucks another dude, but doesn’t kiss him? WTF!

In my book, kissing is essential to satisfying sex. If ya can’t kiss, I’d be willing to bet you can’t fuck either. Oh, that’s not to say that you won’t be able to bump parts, any monkey can do that. But real good fucking involves passion and how’s there supposed to be passion without kissing? That’s what I’d like to know.

Kissing is often the first sexual experience we have. Whether it’s a light kiss from a friend, or deep sensuous French kiss with a potential lover. We can express so much with kissing — love, passion, friendship, commitment — and we can do so while fully clothed.

Kissing someone on the mouth is bliss. But taking those kisses to other places on your partner’s body is a mighty fine idea too. I used to think kissing came naturally to us all, but now I’m convinced that’s now so. It could be we all have an innate ability that just needs to be nurtured before it blossoms. Whatever the case may be, there are some things the kissing challenged ought know.

Always make sure that your breath is fresh. There’s nothing worse than kissing someone with bad breath! This is particularly important for those of you who still smoke.

Kissing not only involves your mouth, it also has to involve body contact, hugging and touching.

If you’re all open mouth, teeth and drool, you’re not kissing.

If you rush to jam your tongue into your partner’s mouth and down his or her throat, you’re not kissing.

If you’re biting instead of nibbling, you’re not kissing.

If you’re trying to cover his or her entire mouth with yours like some kind of freaky suction cup, you’re not kissing.

If you’re kissing with your eyes wide open, you’re not kissing.

If your tongue is poking and prodding in your partner’s mouth like it is searching for lost food, you’re not kissing.

IF someone is kissing you and you’re not kissing back, you’re not kissing.

If you’re body is stiff, like a frozen slab of beef, you’re not kissing.

If your hands are stationary without a thing to do, you’re not kissing.

If you think kissing is something ya gotta do just to get laid, you’re not kissing.

If you’re pressed for technique, or you’re simply clueless about where to begin, start by giving your partner a quick peck on the cheek or lips. Then move back a little, look him or her in the eye, then move in again for another kiss with a bit more passion this time. Slowly build up the passion and excitement with a series of these kinds of seductive kisses till you’re all over one another like a bad cold.

Or try light kissing all over your partner’s face and neck pausing every now and again for a deep sigh and a longing look in his/her eyes. Whatever you do, don’t suck or slobber. Save that for when you’re eating her out or sucking his cock.

If you think you need practice kissing, and unless you’ve been told that you are a great kisser, you do need practice. And you’re too timid to invite a partner to join you for the exercise, here’s what I propose you do. Make a fist; turn it sideways so that you have the opening between your thumb and forefinger in front of you. Kiss that. Stand in front of a mirror and watch yourself. If you look like they do in the movies, you may be on the right track.

When you think you’re getting the hang of it, move on to the real thing. Don’t be shy we all have to start somewhere. You might invite your partner to give you some feed back on how you’re doing. Remember, practice makes perfect.

Name: Wilson
Gender: male
Age: 58
Location: Lancing MI
I’m a successful entrepreneur, in decent health (I could stand to lose a few pounds.) I have just about everything a man could want in life, but I’m miserable. I have no energy and I feel like I’m sleepwalking through my life. I have no sex drive at all; my wife thinks I’m having an affair…I wish. Even Viagra doesn’t do the trick anymore. Is this just old age, or what?

Old age, at 58? I beg your pardon! Hell, you’re not even technically a senior yet! Regardless what we call it, you sound like you’re in the throws of andropause — male menopause — ya know, the change of life!

Never heard of such a thing? You’re not alone. It’s only been recently that the medical industry has begun to pay attention to the impact changing hormonal levels has on the male mind and body. Most often andropause is misdiagnosed as depression and treated with an antidepressant. WRONG!

Every man will experience a decrease testosterone, the “male” hormone, as he ages. This decline is gradual, often spanning ten to fifteen years on average. While the gradual decrease of testosterone does not display the profound effects that menopause does, the end results are similar.

There’s no doubt a man’s sexual response changes with advancing age and the decrease of testosterone. Sexual urges diminish, erections are harder to come by, they’re not as rigid, there’s less jizz shot with less oomph. And our refractory period (or interval) between erections is more pronounced too.

While most all of us have heard of a mid-life crisis, and it’s tragic consequences — red convertible sports cars, comb-overs, and the trophy wife or lover — fewer have heard of andropause. A mid-life crisis is essentially a psycho-social adjustment to aging — bored at work, bored at home, bored with the wife or partner — that sort of thing.

Although andropause may coincide with a mid-life crisis, is not the same thing. Andropause is a distinct physiological phenomenon that is akin to female menopause.

Like I said, the production of testosterone diminishes gradually after age 40. I suppose you know that testosterone is the hormone that stimulates sexual development in the male infant, bone and muscle growth in adolescent males, and is responsible for our sexual drive, right? But did you know that by the age of 55 the amount of testosterone secreted into our bloodstream is significantly lower than it was at 45. And by age 80, most male hormone levels have decreased to pre-puberty levels.

Men, are you over 50, feeling weak, lethargic, depressed and irritable? Do you have mood swings, hot flashes, suffer from insomnia and decreased libido, like our buddy Wilson, here? Then you too may be andropausal. You need to get some lead back in your pencil!

All kidding aside, all us andropausal men might want to consider Testosterone Replacement Therapy (TRT). Ask your physician about this. Just know that some medical professionals resist testosterone therapy, because they mistakenly link Testosterone Replacement Therapy with prostate cancer. Even though recent evidence shows prostatic disease is estrogen-dependent rather than testosterone-dependent. However, before starting a testosterone regiment, insist on a complete physical, including blood work and a rectal examine. Mmmm, rectal exams!

Here’s an interesting tidbit; total testosterone, which is generally the only thing that is ever measured in men complaining of andropausal symptoms, is only low in relation to the standard laboratory “normal range” in 13% of cases. However, more detailed blood analysis shows that bio-available Testosterone, which is the important measure, is decreased in 74% of cases.

Testosterone is available in many forms — oral, injectable, trans-dermal and by way of implants. The oral form is not recommended because of the high risk of liver damage. But injections, patches, pellets, creams and gels might be just the answer.

I encourage you to be informed about TRT before you approach your doctor, because the best medicine is practiced collaboratively — by you and your doctor.

Name: Jake
Gender:
Age: 18
Location: London
I have never had sex mostly because I have never managed to approach the person. I am bisexual and am desperate to have sex with a guy or girl. What are the best ways to approach someone for sex?

Can’t manage to approach a person for sex? Are you just really shy, or are you a total geek? Either way, my friend, you gotta get over yourself if you ever hope to get laid. And here’s a tip: perspective partners can smell desperation, like the kind you speak of, a mile away. And they will avoid you like the plague.

Ok, so you’re just 18 without a lot of experience in the ways of the world. Here’s what I tell everyone who asks me this question, regardless of age, gender or sexual orientation. When it comes to asking for sex; the direct approach works best. Just so long as you’re not a dick about it. If you haven’t already discovered this, baggin a bird will probably take a bit more finesse than pokin’ on a bloke. And coming on to a mate demands a different approach than hittin’ up a stranger for a shag.

If there’s a bit of charm about you, your task will be considerably easier than if you are a crude Neanderthal who just wants to notch his belt. If you’re not sure what your selling points are, ask a friend for his or her feedback. If he or she tells you nice things bout yourself, you might be in luck. If he or she tells you that you’re a charmless creep, you’ll have your work cut out for you.

Regardless what group you fall into — the “maybe fuckable”, or the “not fucking ever”, you can always improve your image and hone your unique style. Look to how you present yourself; make sure you are groomed, clean and odor-free. Dress to impress. Stay clear of fancy or fussy, but do make it look like you gave your cloths a thought before you dressed yourself. Make yourself interesting; have a point of view, but share it sparingly. Develop a sense of humor about yourself. If you can’t be clever or witty, then keep your mouth shut for the most part.

The internet is a great place to test the waters. Dating and hook-up sites abound. Put up a profile…with a photo or two. Here’s a tip, save the dick pics for the queer sites. Women don’t want to see your pathetic willie, at least not right away. And like I said above, there’s nothing more unattractive to most women, or men, than a desperate fuck. Asking for what you want is good, pleading to be taken out of pity is not!

Few women are as casual about sex as are most men. So if a woman tells you no, she just may be shy, or not ready, or not sure. If a guy tell you no, it’s not the end of the world. He’s probably not into your type. Since there are so many fish in the sea, if you’re not immediately successful, move on. Sometimes getting laid is a situational thing. Being in the right place at the right time is helpful.

Chicks are gonna be concerned about the whole pregnancy thing. This is much more serious concern for a woman then for a dude. If you’re not well versed on all methods of contraception and willing to practice at least one, you’re not ready to have sex. Sexually transmitted infections ought to be a concern for you both. Don’t be a fuck-up; always use a condom regardless of your partner’s gender.

If you’re dick is hard, it’s not the right time to talk about sex with a woman, but it might be the best time to hit up a dude. Women don’t necessarily like the lean and hungry look. Men tend to groove on it.

There are lots of different ways to have sex, so what might be appealing to one person may not be to another. Hand jobs and/or blow jobs are often more easy to cum by than full-on fucking with both birds and blokes.

In the end, there no standard way to ask for sex, but if you treat a prospective partner, regardless of gender, with respect, honesty, and patience, you can be sure whatever words you use will be more effective than if you’re an uncouth lout.

Name: Nita
Gender: female
Age: 40
Location: South Africa
I recently had abdominal surgery to remove a cancer. I’m recovering pretty well, and the prognosis for my future is also pretty good. But I am noticing two problems. The surgery left a really big scar. It’s still not fully healed yet, but I can tell it’s always going to be ugly. And my belly is really misshapen now. I felt pretty okay about my body before hand, but this scar really makes me look really unattractive. Also, my sex drive has completely gone away. I used to be a pretty sexual person, but now nothing excites me. Would you say this is normal?

How long ago was your surgery, I wonder? It’s got to be pretty recent, if you say the incision is still healing.

Darlin’, may I suggest that you’ve been through quite a trauma — a cancer diagnosis, recent surgery and all. This would throw anyone for a loop. I’d be willing to guess you’ve not had the proper time to process all of this. It comes as no surprise to me that your libido has gone south. I wouldn’t expect otherwise.

If you’re still healing on the outside, you know for sure your insides have a much longer way to go. You’re probably still feeling some discomfort, right? That’s enough to put the kibosh on sexual interest right there. You’re body is consumed with the job of healing itself. It probably hasn’t any energy to spare for sex. And why have a libido if ya can’t be sexual, right? So you see, your body is actually protecting itself and concentrating on the task at hand.

Maybe at this point in your recovery a little pampering would be better for you than a pursuit of sexual pleasure. Long luxurious baths will help soothe the tension, as well as giving your easy access to your fine pussy. Even folks with no discernable libido find touching themselves enjoyable. And just to keep your head in the game, even though you’re sitting on the sidelines, you could read some erotica or watch some sexy smut.

Some modest exercise like walking or swimming can perk up the libido too. Treat yourself to an erotic massage. Let a pro get his or her hands on you and make you glow. This may also help bring back some of the sensitivity to areas effected by the surgery. One things for sure, doing something is better than doing nothing but sitting there wondering what’s up.

An invasive and disfiguring surgery will always have a profound effect on one’s body image, which goes without saying. Feeling unattractive because of a scar? No doubt about it, it’s a bummer. But here you are writing to me about it, instead of napping six-feet under. So I guess the scar is not the worst thing that could have happened, right? As you probably know, I’m hearing from a number of my country’s war vets returning home with shattered bodies and lives. My advice to them is what I offer you now. Move through the scar’s impact…with a therapist if need be. And find within yourself the other things that make you beautiful, attractive, alluring and desirable. Who knows, you might luck out and find a scar fetishist out there who will worship you for what you find loathsome.

Embracing and then moving past your scaring will open you to find the myriad pleasures your body can still provide you and others. So while your body works on healing itself, your mind can do likewise. No need to have two scars, on one your belly and another one on your psyche. In the end you may find that flaunting your scar, like some women do with their mastectomy scars, will liberate you from feeling unattractive. After all, that scare and misshapen abdomen are your red badges of courage, honey. Not only do they make you distinct, but also they testify to you being a survivor.

Name: David
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Location: New York, NY
This is a rather disgusting question. I am a gay male who prefers to be the bottom. The trouble is that even if I perform an enema right before sex, I still seem to get some excrement onto my partner’s penis during sex. It just seems that the feeling of the motion back and forth inside of me causes a sensation that makes something come out. The odor is, at times, unpleasant and I, of course, am mortified. I wonder if this is a common problem and if there is anything else I can do to PREVENT this from happening?? Could it perhaps be my diet? Do I need to drink more water?

YIKES! You sound like a real attractive guy, David. Just kidding!

If you are douching properly before the butt fucking there shouldn’t be much seepage if any. Maybe you’re not taking care of business correctly. Or maybe you need to douche twice. Or maybe you’re being fucked too hard. I know that a vigorous fucking will introduce more air into the bottom’s rectum expanding it and making for that “OMG, I gotta take a dump” feeling.

I understand you being mortified; a smelly dirty fuck is no fun for anyone. That being said, you have to realize your bowels are working properly, so it’s not their fault. Just remember, there will inevitably be some unpleasant side effects when rootin’ around in someone’s hole, regardless how fastidious the bottom is about his hygiene.

I’m not sure I see the connection between diet and hydration and messy fucking, but hell, I’d try just about anything to keep from embarrassing myself when my toes are pointed to jesus!

Name: Ken
Gender:
Age: 42
Location: Seattle
I recently went to get a massage with a “happy ending” As soon as the girl started to fondle me I came and I did not even have an erection yet. I never have this problem with my wife or past girlfriends. Why did this happen? It sure cost a lot of money for about five minutes with this “lady”. Thanks

Well, let’s see…either this “masseuse” (and I use that term very loosely) was amazingly talented, or you were just real nervous about doing this naughty thing with someone other than your wife.

Hmmm, I bet it was the later.

Here’s a tip, always get the massage first…before the happy ending. If the first thing that happens is the happy ending, then you got gypped, darlin’!

Name: Marion
Gender: female
Age: 32
Location: NYC
I’m 34 and single. After 15 years of unsuccessful dating, searching for the right guy to marry and raise a family with, I decided to go it alone. I’m 2 months pregnant through artificial insemination. You’ll love this; the donor is my best gay pal. I am absolutely delighted and cherish the thought of finally being a mother. While a lot of the guys I’ve been dating aren’t father material, they are great sex and I don’t want to continue to enjoy their company. I gather that it’s safe to have sex during pregnancy. But is there anything I should avoid? Are there specific sexual positions that better suit a mommy-to-be like me?

Hey, congratulations on the bun in the oven, darlin’. And how true about some men being great in the sack, but not desirable husband and/or father material. I know several gay men who have helped out a long-suffering straight and lesbian friends with the whole breeding thing. Us “mos” are so selfless in that regard.

It’s difficult to find accurate and unambiguous information about sex during pregnancy that doesn’t have a decidedly sex-negative bias to it. For the most part, our culture promotes the message that sex is primarily for procreation. Why then would any responsible mother to be continue to have sex if she’s already knocked up? You can see where a lot of the misconceptions, misinformation and scare tactics come from, huh?

So let’s see if we can shed some light on this for ya. As a pregnancy advances, the fertilized egg grows into an embryo and then into a fetus. The fetus is encased in and protected by the amniotic cavity. This provides the fetus nourishment and protects it from infections. A thick layer of mucus seals the cervix further isolating the fetus in the mother’s uterus.

If you’re having a normal pregnancy, as do most women, then there is no reason to alter your sex life during your pregnancy. Since this is your first, you’ll not know this, but a woman who has a history of premature birth may be advised by her physician to abstain from partnered sex during the last three months of pregnancy. In the same way, a woman with a history of miscarriage will probably be advised to avoid partnered sex in the first trimester. Only women with high-risk pregnancies might be advised to avoid sex for the full term of the pregnancy.

Nature provides all protection the fetus needs in its mother’s uterus. So you don’t need to worry about semen or vaginal fluids coming into contact with the baby. And the mucus seal on your cervix does not allow a penis to come in direct contact with the fetus either. Which dispels several misconceptions right there, don’t cha know.

In terms of pregnancy related sex, I suspect that your libido will probably play a more determining role in your availability for sex than you capacity to have sex. Your libido will no doubt fluctuate during your pregnancy, which may have a lot to do with hormonal fluctuations. Increased blood circulation in your pelvic region will heighten sensations, but you may find your body feels too heavy to fully enjoy sex.

Most men will love your bigger tits and fuller hips, but sometimes an overriding concern to avoid any exertion on the uterus or in the vagina makes partnered sex too cumbersome.

Sex during pregnancy, like sex after menopause, is free of worry about contraception, which makes sex more enjoyable for some. While others are too busy anticipating the new addition to be much interested in sex at all.

In terms of sexual positions, you’re gonna be the best judge of that. No position is automatically ruled out, but as your pregnancy progresses you’ll find some positions, like the missionary position, will be uncomfortable. One of the best positions might be the woman on top position. Sometimes known as the Cowgirl position. This position takes all of the pressure off of the woman’s abdomen, and also allows her to control the speed and the depth of thrusting.

And if you are a fan of anal sex; that will continue to be a terrific option throughout your pregnancy, particularly doggie style. Some pregnant women claim that butt fucking actually helps soothe their pregnancy induced hemorrhoids. In your final weeks mutual masturbation may be the easiest option as well as the most satisfying sexual outlet.