The Answer Lies Within

In the past I have been consumed with indecision combined with chronic people pleasing. That can be a deadly mix, because I sought out answers to questions that I had, and wanted to make both myself and you happy. What do you think of the guy that I am dating? How should I deal with my son’s tantrums? Should I move to Ojai or Hawaii? Is an antidepressant the right choice for a bad day? The questions relating to my world physically, emotionally, and mentally could go on and on. The answers I received from others were so varied. It only left me more confused and muddled.

Realizing if I asked my friends their advice, I could also blame them if the outcome was not so great. These actions would inevitably send me into a tailspin and I would become paralyzed and frozen with indecision. Living this way for many years I have found a few antidotes to this dilemma.

1. Meditation is the key to finding the cure for my question. Being still in the midst of vacillation is the key. If I quietly ask myself the question and meditate I usually get tremendous clarity.

2. Another tool is called “your emotional guidance system” . It is your innate GPS system in your body that says if you are going in the right direction you feel good. If you feel awful you are inevitably going in the wrong direction. It is a very simple and often a foolproof technique.

3. One of my favorite sayings for my people pleasing is “it is none of my business what you think of me”. It is a very hard quote to live by as a recovering people pleaser. It allows me to be my true authentic self.

4. Do not make any choices are changes when feeling negative emotion. Make sure you are calm and serene in order to achieve the mature choice.

Finally, if you must seek out advice make sure you trust the expert. Let’s say you are seeking parenting advice, make sure your advisors have success in parenting. If you are looking for relationship advice, make sure this wisdom is coming from someone who is in a happy relationship or marriage. If your indecision is about a business, make sure you are confiding in someone who has success in this area.

Most importantly, it is ultimately your choice and your life. The answer lies deep within your own heart and mind. Knock there!