Funny-lookin’ Japanese Pitchers

If you’re like me and think that you can predict performance based on looks, then you’ll agree that these two Japanese pitchers are gonna stink. Daisuke “Dice-K” Matsuzaka, the Red Sox $100 million import, showed up to Spring Training looking as if he’d spent the winter binging while the team was bidding. What’s the Japanese equivalent to beer belly, sake gut? The good news is that he and Big Papi might get creative with mutton and give new meaning to “Gyroball.” And, if they ever make a sequel to the “Street Fighter” movie (the one with Van Damme…hey, it wouldn’t be any worse than “The Messenger”), guess who could play E. Honda? Or when “Fat Pussy Toad: The Hideki Irabu Story” goes to production…

Not to be outdone (although they were), the Yankees signed Kei Igawa, the Toyota Camry to Dice-K’s Supra, for a total of $46 million. The lefty throws about 6 mph softer and doesn’t have an amazing breaking ball, but he’s even funnier looking. And I know I’m not the only person who’s noticed that the only ugly Japanese players in MLB are on the Yankees.

Disclaimer: This post is in no way meant to be racist or malicious. And it’s not racist or malicious. If you took offense to anything, slap yourself. I happen to be a big fan of Alice Hoshi, Shoko Goto and Anna Ohura. I like ‘em, even with the annoying pixels. So don’t even go there!