Married to Dubstep: A Reflection on Two Years of Misery – and Growth

We met at a party. Mutual friends introduced us. Now, dubstep and I are coming up on our second anniversary.

It was a forced marriage, one I never bargained for, but was shoved down my throat by everyone around me — particularly my techno-loving friends. And today, I stand before you to admit that our loveless marriage may not be so loveless anymore.

Dubstep was to enthusiasts of electro what Zooey Deschanel was to idolizers of indie. All my friends talked about how fresh dubstep was, how she made noises that sounded like a bass having sex with dial-up modems, how she was the next big thing.

Maybe I just wasn’t ready, but she wasn’t my style. I didn’t like her fancy haircuts, the way she danced, the way she sounded when she talked. I didn’t like her friends who followed her around everywhere she went, touting their latest cacaphonious remix of the Harry Potter theme.

I was talked into taking her out for a couple dates. I did. All she could talk about was herself. She wasn’t a well-rounded person. She was just her own thing stuck in her own world. It wasn’t my thing and it wasn’t my world, but she was in my life — and wasn’t leaving anytime soon. It wasn’t that I wasn’t ready. It was that she just wasn’t Miss Right.

My friends said this marriage was a great thing; I was lucky to have her in my life. But our marriage for the past two years has been, as I mentioned before, loveless. Day after day, we spend breakfast reading the newspaper, not saying a word. Meanwhile, she sips on coffee, seemingly oblivious to the fact that I can’t stand being around her.

During the day, we sit on opposite sides of the room, while I seethe and wonder why she’s there. And she goes on about her business, making loud wub-wubs and paying no mind to my needs in this relationship.

See, what I needed was someone more well-rounded, someone who had more personality. Actually, I’m being unfair. She had personality — it was just obnoxious.

So I spent my nights flirting with other women, like indie rock, hip-hop, house, punk rock and just about any other girl outside of post-1970s new country. These were women able to satisfy my needs, and oh, how I longed for my friends to see that these women were who they should put their support behind.

“Keep trying to work it out with dubstep, Alex,” my friends kept saying. “You’ll come around eventually.”

Two years. Two long years of ear-splitting synthesizers, overly simplistic drum beats and “wub-wub” sounds. Two years of her friend Skrillex hanging around all the time, winging around his bad haircut and trying to revive Korn’s career to no avail.

Two years of watching all my trendster friends eschew their long black haircuts, toss out their screamo records, scrub out the “X” tattoos on their hands, start popping ecstasy and start thinking dubstep was the greatest thing ever. All while I wondered what craze will these floaters would devote themselves to next.

I couldn’t stand it. I could never be a part of this culture. I hated everything about it; hated everything about this marriage.

Then, one day I was visted by her friend Rusko. He brought me the album Songs. He showed me how wrong I was. He showed me how she was trying to evolve, how she was trying to make this relationship work by growing. I needed to come meet her in the middle. Rusko showed me how she flowed with reggae. I was intrigued, drawn in, ready to undergo my own change of heart.

Doctor P and Flux Pavilion teamed up and showed her how to be funky on “Superbad.” Alex Clare taught her to be soulful with “Too Close.“

And every day, we sit a little closer in the living room. I look up from my book from time to time and let out a little smile. I still don’t say many words to her, but we’re starting to find common ground.

I still think her friends are obnoxious. I still think she’s mostly obnoxious, but the more she changes, the more I will grow to accept all those qualities that make her who she is. And maybe even begin to love them. But I’m not going that far yet.

The revelation is a profound one: the hate in my heart is disappearing. Dubstep and I can make this work. We’ll have to. It’s not looking like she’s going to go away anytime soon.