Uncertainties

Monday, April 29, 2013

I have always considered myself a person who loves change, and doesn't mind uncertainties. I don't have to have a set schedule, I like surprises and doing things on a whim... in my teaching, I can switch things up without a problem! I consider myself a laid back, go-with-the-flow type, very flexible and easy going (don't ask my dh, though! LOL!)
Not all of that is good, of course! I find it hard to be consistent for that very same reason. I know I need to have a schedule and become more regimented in some areas of my life, particularly with food and fitness. I need to plan my meals and workouts and then follow through with the plan...not all of a sudden change my mind and blow off the exercise or splurge on a treat and eat emotionally with no thought about what I am doing.

But I think I am now ready to change my ways! I have had enough of uncertainties the past six months, or maybe even a year. Ever since we decided to pursue our dream for me to retire early (at the age of 55,) sell our house, and become full-time RVers, we have not known if and when it would happen.
We put our house up for sale in the fall, knowing that it was still a tough housing market out there, just to get a feel for it. We didn't want to sell until the spring, but we were afraid if we waited till the spring to get it on the market, we wouldn't get a buyer in time for me to decide on retirement. It has been nerve-wracking to say the least! For many months, we had people coming in for showings, saying they loved the house and property, but there was always something they didn't like. I tried not to take it personally, but it was really hard. Even harder was keeping the house perfectly clean every day, in case there would be a showing. In the winter, we made a few more changes in the house (like redoing and installing some hardwood floors and getting a new roof) and then we got a stager to come in and made the house look like a model, not our home anymore. Well, finally that did the trick! We had several people interested in the house, and one couple eventually made an offer! After a few more weeks of waiting, we made an agreement after the inspection, and Sunday we found this on our our front yard!
YAY! What a relief! (but still a lot of mixed emotions remain!) It has finally hit me that the house I have lived in and loved for 23 years is not going to be ours any longer! I look at everything differently now, and am trying to savor my days here. The same is true for my last weeks of teaching.

Now we are one step closer to our future dream, but still many uncertainties remain. What are we going to do with all our "stuff" since we aren't going to have a house for awhile? What shall we keep, sell, give away, trash? I still have to find out if I can retire from teaching on October 1st, after my 55th birthday, without going back to school at the beginning of September (use sick days?) Then when I have that worked out, where will we go? We have some plans for the summer and the beginning of September, but from then on, who knows?
I am also concerned about my family who I am leaving behind. What happens if my parents need me-my dad is in his early 80's and my mom in her late 70's and I see their health and memories gradually failing. How will my son make out when we are gone? He has had a lot of challenges the last few years, and I know it's best not to control what he does, but I really worry about him! I feel like maybe I'm being selfish and abandoning all three of them.

The uncertainties are starting to get to me...I'm tired of them! I am ready for it all to be over -done work, out of the house, plans made...ready for a new schedule that I can count on. I am looking forward to planning out my days, weeks, and months. I think that once everything settles down, I am ready to become a different person, one who makes decisions ahead of time and follows through with them!

The last year has been very unsettling, but I am optimistic that once all the big changes are made, I will find it easier to lose the weight I have gained back, and live a more consistent, healthy lifestyle! One thing for sure...I will finally have lots of time to make it happen!

And as for uncertainties...we can't live without them, because they put the spice and adventure into life! I will still do things on a whim and embrace change when it happens...still go with the flow when things turn on a dime and don't go the way I expected them. I just hope that my life is just a bit more peaceful than it has been the last year! And until then, I need to...

CATHYSFITLIFE
I know you are going through a lot of changes all at once. You can't live your life for anyone else. Your sister will be there if your parents need someone immediately. Besides, if your son or parents really need you it's not like you can't come back within a few days. It's time for you and Dave to live the dream the two of you have been wanting for a long time!! Things will work out in the end, they always do.

RFJSJ50
Congratulations on selling the house!Your new life is right around the corner and you sound ready to face it and enjoy what it brings. Just keep moving ahead, one day at a time.Sheila 1687 days ago

CANDYCANE2B
Oh, that is sooo awesome that your house finally sold!!! I know this must be a big change for you, but I know you will work out all your different emotions you're going thru right now!!!1687 days ago

MORTICIAADDAMS
Your house sold for a reason. It was the right time. I think that ideas are presented to us at a time when we re ready to embrace them. If you decide that the full time traveling is not working for you, if your parents or son need you, the you can always come back and put down roots again. The story of your future is being written by you. 1688 days ago

BIGPAWSUP
You are making monumental changes in your life - GOOD FOR YOU! This is what you want and you are going for it. There are always problems, always concerns but you are going for a dream and adventure in your life. That if FABULOUS!

LOPEYP
You are making a big change and with that comes big doubts, concerns and worries. You are entitled to live your life as you want and enjoy the next chapter. Have they voiced concerns about your plans? Can you out a backip plan in place? You won't be that far away so you could always come home if there was an emergency.Good luck with the transition and have fun!1688 days ago

NANCYPAT1
Change is hard - I too and one who doesn't mind insecurity most of the time but there are those times when in the midst of change that I really would like some security to hold on to. Leaps of faith are sometimes difficult but usually worth the lack of security in that they bring new challenges and interesting lives.1688 days ago