Steve Jobs was indeed a hero, and was a remarkable and multifaceted man. But when I hear people say, “There’s nothing he didn’t do,” I have to take issue with that. For nobody can do everything. Let’s stay grounded in that fact. Here, for your edification, is a list of

THINGS STEVE JOBS DID NOT DO

Break world record for consuming most corn-dogs in a single weekend

Give college commencement address while wearing a shaving cream bikini.

Go big game hunting at the San Diego Zoo

Invent the Printing Press. (That was Johannes Gutenberg in 1439)

Soil his spacesuit upon reentry.

Winter in Manitoba, Canada in a pretzel log cabin

Play cello in pit orchestra for the off Broadway run of stage adaptation of Caligula

Assemble 3000 piece puzzle depicting the Cheyenne, Wyoming skyline using only the light from a single book of matches

Lobby Congress to have McDonald’s Mayor McCheese depicted on a US postage Stamp.