Kitchen gadgets review: T2 teamaker – 'unleash the masculini-tea'

What?

Why?

Dunno. If you ask me, slicing pizza izza pizza pizz.

Well?

I’ve heard about using scissors to cut pizza before. It’s a common “life hack”: a makeshift problem-solving trick, as practised by wrongsplainers who chew gum while they chop onions or iron their collars with hair straighteners. Get away from me, I tell these people, lest your strangeness be contagious. I will never cut cheese with dental floss or carry bagels around in CD spindles. It makes me feel like Stig of the Dump, or a Womble, making good use of the things everyday folk leave behind.

‘I find myself missing the pizzazz of the pizza wheel.’ Photograph: Alicia Canter for the Guardian

So it shames me to admit they may have a point with the scissors thing. Traditional rollers often incompletely sever crusts, or drag toppings off. Scissors slice cleanly through this problem. It feels and looks so very wrong yet, undeniably, it works. Can these factors be reconciled? Australian company Dreamfarm thinks so. Its branding is a good start: “Scizza by Dreamfarm” is a more alluring name than “Pizza Scissors by YourLifeIsDepressing.com”. The box’s aqua interior is wallpapered with wispy etchings of the Scizza, like fossils on a sea bed. The device’s flat bottom makes it resemble a duck-billed platypus – an animal commonly referred to as “God’s mistake”. (Harshly, I think.) Most importantly, it works. In use, there’s no drag, you have full control of slice shape, and the spatula bill helps lift segments of pizza clear. The 10cm blades are durable, and the base is scratch and heat resistant. But, of course, you could use any scissors to do this – you don’t need £20, hardened German steel scissors. Aesthetically, I find myself missing the pizzazz of the pizza wheel – the slapdash geometry of flourishing a disc through dough is way more satisfying than this miserly snipping. Moreover, I can’t get over the fact I’m … cutting pizza with scissors. What’s next? Boiling tea in an iron? Making pasta in a trouser press? Blowdried creme brulee? It’s a flat “no” from me.

Any downside?

When the device is rested on its handle, the closing clip sometimes unclasps, springing the blades apart terrifyingly. No one wants a murderous platypus in the kitchen.