Rats Jumping Ship: High Profile Gangsters Leaving Obama

Just days after mafia boss Barack Obama was re-elected to his throne, several of his key foot soldiers appear to be jumping ship from his Administration. Obama will be hard pressed to fill these positions with such obedient thugs.

The first confirmed departure, CIA Director David Petraeus, was likely forced out. People in high profile positions don’t usually tell the ugly truth about why they are resigning unless the mafia has dirt on them. Petraeus cited an extra-marital affair as the reason for stepping down. Usually this type of activity is overlooked by the mafia as normal behavior, but apparently Petraeus has some personal integrity.

“In his mind, in his views, with his code of ethics and morals, he did a very dishonorable thing,” said a U.S. military official and long-time aide to Petraeus. “This had nothing to do with Benghazi, nothing to do with his relationship with the White House.” Translation: It had everything to do with his refusal to take part in the Benghazi cover up.

Holder is expected to go back to his multi-million-dollar career defending the big banks and lobbying for more bailouts.

Obama’s rival underboss, Hillary Clinton, is expected to step down as Secretary of State when the second term begins. Rumor is that she is gearing up to become the next mafia boss in 2016. Hillary’s reign as Secretary will not be forgotten;

Clinton certainly has displayed the cold heart necessary to run the mob. This was no more evident than when she gloated after having murdered Gaddafi in a cold-blooded assassination plot; “We came, we saw, he died.” This type of diplomacy would make the legendary gangsters Bush and Cheney blush.

Because of Clinton’s stellar performance for the global mafia, she’ll likely have her choice of jobs in the future whether it be the U.S. Presidency or head of the World Bank.

Yes these shoes will be hard to fill, indeed. But we can rest assured that the mafia has been breeding and training several adequate replacements.