tabasco sauce

Will Rogers once said, "Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."

And how do you that? That's easy. Just sprinkle in some sex! It's nature's negotiator.

Of course, it's not as simple as it sounds. These days, people are easier to offend than Catholic nuns and the FCC has made it nearly impossible to advertise products the way God intended (i.e. naked girls with abnormally large boobs writhing and moaning over the awesomeness of Flonase). So an even subtler art of using sex to get your money lies within this deeply layered process. Here are the best of the best and the worst of the worst.

Tell me, on what planet is this an appealing commercial? I hate ads where random bottom parts suddenly appear on food. And it's especially disturbing if the food starts talking or singing to me. This one is like Willy Wonka's Oompa-Loompas speaking from another dimension.

I was going to have pizza for dinner tonight too. Now...not so much. Or maybe I'll just skip the pepperoni.