i miss you. from the the absolute core of my soul, to the depths of my heart, i miss you.

i love you. i would give you my heart if i could rip it out of my chest. i miss you so much, it hurts to breathe. it's almost like i'm inhaling shards of glass. this love has been a bad joke played on us by some higher being. i love you and i want you and i NEED you. this is not some teenage love thing. this is the fact that i love you more than i have i have ever loved another person. when i see you in pain, i feel that pain too. you are everything to me. i wish that you were seventeen, and we could hold hands and walk down the street and be in love right out in the open. we would be together forever, it would be like now, except nothing or nobody would be in our way. you are the only person i've only really wanted, the only person that i'm pretty sure i would die without. this is toxic, this love. yet i come back for more, because you saved me so many times. i want us, and i want you. we fit. we are perfect for each other. you can't even deny it. it's you. it has always been you. i want every bit of you, forever.

hey you, with the face.i talk to you all the time. you've spent weeks at my house. i just love the way you talk. i want to hear your voice everyday, all the time. i want you to sing me to sleep while we're cuddling on the futon. i can't get enough of you, or your voice. i love the conversations we have. it could be abut sex, or love, or something absolutely silly or philosophical. i don't know how to say it, but every conversation i have with you is the very best of my life. except for the sad ones. the ones where you leave me forever. the ones where i want to throw my whole self on the ground, soul and body and curly hair and purple plaid pants in all. the ones where i just want to scream out, be with me, i'm the one who loves you, i'm the one you'll be happiest with.

i really admire you. i think you are a really bad ass chick, and you stand up for what you believe in. you listen to great music and you seem so cool, even though you are absolutely gorgeous. the way you present your self to the world is just so brave. i love your tatts and i love so much about you, from the way you dress to the make up you wear.

dear derek,i fell for ou so fast and so hard. it was unlike anything i had ever ever experienced. i made my whole entire life about you. it was great, as long as your made life about me too. well, let's just say that didn't last. you didn't call me anymore, or talk to me on the phone. every time i called you i felt almost guilty about it. you were my everything. and then you didn't want to spend our one year anniversary with me. honestly, that was a huge fucking deal to me. a whole year of being with the same person. in fucking highschool. it doesn't happen that often. i found that journal used to keep, writing in it about you. i can't even believe how dumb i was back then. i was so stupid, making everything about you. my first love.

then, on day, i realized i was not in love with you anymore. it made me sick thinking of having you touch me, or me touching you. i just didn't want it anymore. i didn't want us any more. and so happened the breakup, in which my mother was pissed. absolutely furious that i broke up with you. she blamed it on people that had nothing to do with the situation.

i just want to tell you we just weren't meant to be highschool sweethearts, or lovers, or things like that. we are just too different. at least, back then we were.