i hate to keep a jornal, mostly because i think that it's pointless, why
would someone need to write down their thoughts, if it affected you that much
you should recall it easily. but none of that really matters, i just need to
get some shit off my chest. i'll do it in bullet fashion for those of you who
hate paying attention...

-i write poetry and raps, neither do i do very well. sometimes (more often
then not) i feel that my writing (i hate how pretentious that sounds) is not
valid or "real". i feel like i am stealing a part of something that i
shouldn't be involved in. i write what i feel but when i read it everything
comes off as whiny, dark teenage angst bull shit. i don't really know what
these feelings of lacking validity come from, maybe i just suck at life.

-i need a girlfriend, but i wouldn't wish myself upon anyone. i have nothing
to offer...physically, emotionally, financially. nada. i have an over active
sex drive, but i couldn't touch a girl because it would mess with my head.
"Sexual hang-ups leave me waiting nude and while alone/ it just gets
aggravating masturbaiting to a dial tone/" it's depressing and spooky how
accurate this statement is. that's another thing...

-i hate it when people try to compare everything in their lives to some
lyrics, but some stuff just applies so well. i suppose this is why i have
such problems with self-loathing. plus i like to whine a lot.

-i heart sage. it scares me how much i like/love/obsess over/apply
to/identify with this man. i don't know why, he doesn't know me, we've spoken
twice, probably wouldn't like me anyways. but i find myself basing my
decisions on "what Sage would do". i base what i wear on him, what i drink,
everything i do is predicated by this question...What would Sage do? scary
eh? i know, but i can't help it. i want to write like him, i want to live
like him, i want to speak like him and i don't know why. i hold fictional
conversations with him in my head every night when i fall asleep. he's my
best friend, every time that i grow to hate the small, stupid people around
me i just wish that Sage where here, then it would be ok...i can't even begin
to say how strongly i feel about him. (sage: please respond)

-i go through friends mad fast...i don't know why that is. i fear that it is
a symptom of something else. i'm 17 years old and i like about 3 people that
i know. everyone else i loathe. i have this friend, i don't know why we don't
talk that much anymore, he's really busy but it's mostly my fault. i
rationalize my murder of our freindship every day, but i can't tell how much
is bullshit and how much is real. sometimes i make just "music" friends, but
i don't find that much that pleases me in the musical realm so our
conversations are repetitive. very little pleases me in the world in general.

-i have destructive addictions. i have a bad cold but i'm still smoking
cigarettes. my throat burns and my phlegm tastes like an ashtray, but i can't
stop and it's scary.

geoffwalker

Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:18 pm

Dee

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Posts: 7872

wow.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:27 pm

matt

Joined: 01 Sep 2002
Posts: 114

Sage, you should start a cult.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:28 pm

quiet1

Joined: 08 Oct 2002
Posts: 19
Location: Pittsburgh, PA

Your an ass

Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:34 pm

Sage FrancisSelf Fighteous

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21671

I am in the middle of an internet cafe laughing loudly

well...I posted this on the board without reading it first.
I just read it.

"-i need a girlfriend, but i wouldn't wish myself upon anyone."

ain't it the truth. That's the problem with love. I should say...that's ONE of the problems with "love." The more honest we are with ourselves the more we have to consider how little we really have to offer people we love. Other than ourselves. And when we don't think much of ourselves, that's not offering a whole lot, is it now?

If you really hold imaginary conversations with me, I hope I say things like "C'mon man...whatever...ya know?"
because that's all I really say anyway.

I have one suggestion...think more of yourself and less of everyone else. Always be considerate...but think more of yourself and less of everyone else.

we're all set to self-destruct. build yourself up while you can.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 8:35 pm

unspoken_disagreement

Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 199
Location: Portland, Oregon

Best damn thing I've read all day. Why can't school be this relevent? I understand (sort of) where he is coming from, something about sage makes it rediculously easy to relate to him.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:00 pm

Sage FrancisSelf Fighteous

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21671

because I'm a piece of shit

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:01 pm

prolifik

Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 488

Most likely with this kid though, he simply isn't able to build himself up anymore. He's obviously depressed, and once you fall into that pit, it takes a miracle to claw your way out of it. But yes, he needs to stop focusing on negative shit like: "I have nothing to offer," and instead say something along the lines of "fuck you if you don't like what I have to offer, it doesn't matter to me anyways." They say theres no i in the word team, but life isn't a teamsport. Fuck the world, you come first.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:08 pm

unspoken_disagreement

Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 199
Location: Portland, Oregon

That sounds like the attitued of the next school shooter. Sounds to me like the boy needs to relax, maybe get into some sports, something to kill the time. Life sucks at that age, but it passes eventually. Telling him to have a "fuck the world" attitued will probably push him in the wrong direction.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:11 pm

Sage FrancisSelf Fighteous

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 21671

life definitely sucks towards the tailend of highschool

the world changes

friends fall off

it's a very difficult time

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:14 pm

prolifik

Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 488

"Fuck the world" does not mean "wreak violent payback to the world." "Fuck the world" is my eloquent way of saying "be yourself, don't worry about what other people say or think about you." When you're depressed the only thing you can think about how you're a failure, and how everybody else in this world has it made. Focusing less on them, and more on being yourself, is definitely step forward.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:16 pm

unspoken_disagreement

Joined: 02 Oct 2002
Posts: 199
Location: Portland, Oregon

See, that definition of fuck the world I can agree with a little bit more. I still like it when people pay attention to me rather then themselves though.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:19 pm

mc poohammer

Joined: 23 Jul 2002
Posts: 223
Location: teen mecca

i doubt that this kid will be posting here anymore.

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:22 pm

pav

Joined: 30 Jun 2002
Posts: 805
Location: from the heart of queens

nothing wrong with going out of your mind and feeling like shit.. but shit is bound to suck.. lately my reaction to a lot of things/people is "ehhhhh.. "

it's either that or i get teh urge to punch people in the face.. but i'm not a violent person so i just end up laughing..

so conclusion - shit sucks but it's pretty fucking hilarious..

Wed Oct 09, 2002 9:41 pm

geoffwalker

Joined: 19 Jul 2002
Posts: 131

mc poohammer, wrong again...

i'm not going to shoot anyone, i'm really not a violent person. i don't know why i sent this to sage (or why i didn't use fucking spell check, jornal, haha). i suppose that i was trying to elicit some of the responses that i got.

i think that it is awesome that people were so positive...i appreciate it. i was afraid that i would get blown to bits.

thank you. but "i ain't, goin nowhere. we can't be stopped now."

please...stop me now

geoffwalker

Wed Oct 09, 2002 10:35 pm

Jump to:

Goto page 1, 2, 3Next
All times are GMT - 6 Hours. The time now is Tue Mar 31, 2015 4:21 pm