5.26.2009

This is what I eat for lunch on a typical day at work - I can't even get inspired enough to make lunch. I need to get my movie career kicked into overdrive. Then I'll actully like going to work...and craft services will feed me.

5.25.2009

It's Memorial Day & I'm about to see a Robert Downey jr movie again. I loved The Soloist the first time and am glad Susan wanted to see it today. Now I need an excuse to see Star Trek for the 4th time....perhaps I can talk Lauren (Susan's daughter\my actress) into seeing it agqin. That way she can oggle Zachary Quinto & I can enjoy Chris Pine...

5.18.2009

I’ve encountered by first huge problem as a director/executive producer. Someone I was relying on to be a huge part of my movie quit on me. I have refused to let this situation stop us, but it’s disheartening.

It’s disheartening because it was a friend and I know her reasons behind it are completely and utterly askew. She’s been going through a bad patch recently and she is letting life beat her, believing that everyone else on my crew is out to attack her instead of believing what we were actually doing which was extending an additional opportunity to her that she didn’t have access to. As a result she’s completely shut down, shut me out and I fear that I’ve not only lost a creative partner, but possibly a friend. I can hope that she will come to her senses but as someone that knows her well, I do not see that happening.

What this situation has proven to me is that God is constantly faithful, and that he has given me the personal ability to pull through this and still see the end game, but also the right people. The remaining people on my team have stepped up, pushed through and are dead set on making sure this set back does not actually set us behind. I know that things will get done and possibly, my movie and my fortitude as a director will be better for it.

I hope my friend will pull through this, but I have to wonder that if she’d shut me out so completely like this, if we were really ever as close as I thought we were. She remains in my prayers, but my film can continue on without her.

5.10.2009

At the risk of sounding like I am complaining I have felt very down today, melonsholy in fact.

As I am finishing my movie I am so conflicted with emotions. While I am sure that I will be even prouder of the film than I am now, it's only the first stop in a very long process. "Miles to go before I sleep" keeps running through my head. If one more (well-meaning) person asks me when we can screen the movie I might snap. Nothing is simple.

I came off a good movie high this weekend with Star Trek but somehow even this has managed to depress me a bit. It's depressedme because a good movie makes me happy like nothing else, it makes me remember the magic of the movies and why I felt called to become a director in the first place...and that leads to me remembering that I cannot yet be a full time director. I can't make the movies that millions will see and get the same feeling that I got after seeing Star Trek. Instead, I have to continue the daily grind at a job that kills brain cells.

Then there are the events that have been happening to some of my friends. They are all getting their careers well under way and being paid well for it, being responsibile adults in their own right. Then there is me. My day job is unrelated to what I want to do with my life and on top of that the pay is terrible and I feel like I cannot be a full-fledged adult on my own terms.

What I use to console myself is the fact that every artist has to struggle, and struggle badly before they make it so my plight is not uncommon. I also know that God has called me to this path, I was nowhere near thinking about a career in film when God smaked me upside the head with a giant plank of wood and said "pay attention".

God has a plan for me and I need to be faithful in believing that He will help guide me and to continue to push forwad and not expect God to hand me anything.

5.03.2009

I feel like I've been a little M.I.A. in my own life recently. Stress at the day job has really been taking it's toll.

Between being in the final stages of post production on End, working OT at the day job, making a press kit, the swine flu paranoia, the economic crisis & trying to maintain contact with my friends and family I feel a little bogged down. There just aren't enough hours in the day.

I am so ready to concentrace on filmmaking and not on balancing a day job and my career. It would free up so much of my psyche not to have to worry about the 8-5 while striving forward.

Oh well, this is a new week. It's possible I will be in the final mix by the weekend, and I am detirmined not to get booged down. God is with me always.