Archive for the Shauna Sand Category

There’s a public pool near my house where families go to get wet during hot summer days and I always see this one chick who I am convinced is a stripper, or was a stripper in her prime. She always walks in with the skimpiest shit on, showing off her fake tacky tits with her half-black baby and she always has a pair of heels on to make her ass look perkier, her legs look longer and thinner and to give the older dudes who happen to be their reason to cheat on their wives with her. She’s clearly on some kind of mission to find love with a man with cash so that she can give her daughter the life she deserves like private school and clothes that aren’t cheap stripper shit she’s forced to share with her mother and her plan hasn’t fully worked out for her, but I am confident that a divorcee who is there one Saturday he’s forced by the court to hang out with his kids while his ex wife has his old house to herself to fuck random dudes in all day long, will fall for her game, and maybe one day he will save her from her poor slut life and take her to the beach on an all inclusive vacation to see if she can actually manage her high heeled whore strut in the sand like she was Shauna Sand….a name that is fitting because, like Jesus walks on water, this bitch can walk on anything as long as she has a pair of her magic whore shoes on to carry her through it. Enjoy.

I don’t know what Shauna Sand was up to this weekend, but I do know she had some kind of flashback to her days workin’ the pole and took off clothing in public before getting into the car. I can only assume that whoever the fuck homeboy who is driving her around is, was expecting a good time on the ride home and she was just prepping, or maybe dude wanted her dirty panties rubbin’ up against his seat so that whenever he needed something to jerk off to, he could always just sniff the fuckin’ seat and smell her putrid cunt, but the point is that I wish more girls had this kind of attitude. The only time I can convince a girl to take off clothes for me is when we are at the stripclub and she’s doing it anyway, but I do a running commentary in my head that makes me feel like I am directing the whole thing and delusionally more involved than I am actually am. It’s that kind of fantasy that helps me keep livin’ and despite Shauna Sand being disgusting, she’s still better lookin’ than most hookers I come across….which isn’t saying much, because the hookers I know have rotting faces and tit jobs that make Shauna Sand’s botched job look like a work of art, but it is still saying something….

I didn’t go to bed last night because I was looking for something exciting, I didn’t find much but when I got home, the sun was up and I decided to lay out on the building’s fire escape and get some like I was back home in Mexico. I passed the fuck out and didn’t hear a fuckin’ thing, until I was rudely awaken about 20 minutes ago by the guilt of not updating the fucking site, like this shit was my job or my wife or some shit. So the homeless guy who was pissing next to me didnt annoy me, the pigeon who shat on my face didn’t annoy me, my crazy screaming neighbor and her crazy screaming husband and their crazy screaming baby didn’t annoy me, the police sirens, the cars honking, the construction down the street and the fact that I was sleeping on a metal fucking grate didn’t annoy me, but you somehow managed to annoy me.

Here are some pictures of Shauna Sand, showing off her whore body and her shitty ass and bad fake tits on the beach. I am only posting them because I like the fat dudes expression when she walks by him, like he just witnessed the coming of christ or some shit because they don’t make pussy like that where he’s from. These could be old, but you can never tell with Shauna Sand because she always looks the same shade of haggard orange and she always wears the same shoes, it’s like bitch is timeless or some shit.

I am a pretty materialistic person and I figure that if you drive a Benz, no matter how trashy you’re no hipped, disgusting plastic surgery ridden prostitute lookin’ body is, you are still high society by my standards, like the other day when I saw some dude got out of his Porsche with some slag with fake tits and ass exposing shorts and trashy stripper shoes, the last thing I thought about was that he either won the lottery or was some kind of pimp, drug dealer, loan shark or mobster who only had that car because he was a sleazy piece of shit. As far as I am concerned, Shauna Sand enjoys croquet, high tea time and most importantly the long drive out to her villa where she is an avid fox hunter.

I know strippers who have had many back alley implants done because they were affordable and because the girls were more interested in having big fake tits than not getting hepatitis, HIV, or infections from the dirty unsterilized room and over the years, there were only a few accidents, like nipples started to take on a new shape, silicone would leak and turn tits black and one girl even claimed her nipple fell off when she took a shower, which I don’t believe because she smelled like she never showered. But even when that shit was re-applied, it still looked better than whatever the fuck is going on with Shauna Sand’s tit.

I know, like the strippers I knew, her tits were the foundation of her useless career of getting naked as some Playboy Trash, because despite Playboy’s marketing ploy that their girls are classy, they are usually just big blonde gutter sluts livin’ on a trashy dream but it’s pretty clear that her career was one that didn’t pay too much because her tits look a lot like the bad haircut I once got at a Hair Dressing School because I had to clean up for a job interview, but walked away with a patchy mess that made the people hiring me think I was dying of cancer, a fate less painful than whatever Shauna Sand’s pussy died of.

Nothing says classy like a bitch with a Playboy tattoo who’s only claim to fame is being in Playboy. It’s like she got that shit back when she was a worthless stripper and the guys at Playboy felt obligated to give her a spread because they were so flattered that she was enough of a slut to brand herself with their company logo. Thank god they don’t do that for every tacky party slut who has a Playboy tattoo because I know that hot girls rarely get that shit, it’s more like every single tacky fat party slut who thinks she’s got it going on because one asshole was drunk enough to tell her she looked good enough for Playboy to get a blowjob and she took her new found self esteem to the tattoo parlor to remember that day forever…..

Shauna Sand has no ass and that’s the reason why she flaunts her tits everywhere they are go like it’s her last day out with them before they get removed or some shit. I just thought it was because she’s a whore and likes to show off what she thinks are god’s gift to the world, even though got was a $5,000 charge on her credit card. Then I thought maybe she was just a victim of breast implants, where girls who get implants end up going crazy as fuck with their new tits and pull them out everywhere they go, because their relationship is more of one you have with a new car than one you have with your body parts. Now I realize that shit is just a way to divert male attention from the fact that she has no ass at all and she’s more like a hot chick who hangs with fat chicks to make herself look skinnier or like when I go out drinking with bigger drunks than me, because people notice what you want them to.

That said, you all have to realize that today is Halloween, I don’t dress up because I am a downer and find that shit lame and don’t believe in holidays, but I know that if you’re looking for love or to get laid, this is the best time to go for it. All the girls dressed slutty are going to be horny as fuck because dudes have been lookin’ at their asses like they are a brand new fleshlight all day and you already have an opener. All you have to do is go up to whoever it is you’re lookin’ at and comment on their costume, or come up with a costume that you’ve set up to make girls come up to you and talk to you. I know a dude who went as an AIM contact list and had 15 girls lined up to add their contact info on the buddy list. So do something creative and funny and if you follow my advice, you’ll have a great fucking night. But you won’t because you’re just going to stay home and cry yourself to sleep like you do every night, like the poor fucker who takes Shauna Sand home only to realize she’s got kids and when he flips her over to fuck her from behind – that she’s got no ass and will be struggling like he’s on Survivor to get her back on her back so that he can focus on her tits and trick or treat all over her face.

I caught my wife cleaning the toilet with my toothbrush the other day, she’s creative like that and probably saw it on some soap opera or shit she watches on tv all day. I was actually really happy to see her cleaning for the first time in the last 5 years together. But then I realized that Paypal has all my money and I can’t buy a new one. I am not sure what I did to piss her off, it may have been coming home with a pair of panties from a girl I convinced to take off her panties in the club and bragging to my wife about how amazing of an experience it was by making her smell them to see that they weren’t clean, but none of that matters. What does matter is that my mouth tastes like I’ve been eating shit and yes, I know what shit tastes like, it’s a long story that I don’t want to relive.

Speakin’ of shit here are some pictures of Shauna Sand at some event dressed as classy as this whore can get with a Chanel bracelet on. She’s the kind of girl you could probably convince to let you shit on them because it would be taking your sex life to the next level, when in reality you just hate her for being such a whore and shitting on her is the only way to make yourself feel better about things.

Either way, the good news is that washed up ex-Playmates may be the only people dressed like this on the daily, but it’s Halloween, so get ready for everyday girls to be doin’ the Shauna Sand, even though they’ve probably never heard of her. All the madness starts in a few hours.

I was trying to decide whether I should bother posting these or not, because I know that I don’t give a fuck about this washed up Playboy playmate with big fake tits, but then I realized that I spent most of my day looking out the window and that it was less work for me to do this post than it was for me to actually sit down and try to edit a Day Dream no one watches, or try to come up with some amazing concept that will put me on the map and land me some kind of money….

I know that all the good looking girls who just finished University for the semester and who haven’t made their way back home are out on the patios around the city getting drunk in very little clothes and a huge part of me wants to go watch them in action, but bars don’t let you in with your own booze, because they are assholes….

Either way, the internet’s got some tits for me that may not be as exciting as a real chick, but being married, impotent, poor and unshowered kinda means even if I was out there, I wouldn’t be seeing any nipple by the end of the night…so this is all the action I’ll be getting. At least I am not alone…thanks for always making me feel better about myself. Virgin.

I was trying to decide whether I should bother posting these or not, because I know that I don’t give a fuck about this washed up Playboy playmate with big fake tits, but then I realized that I spent most of my day looking out the window and that it was less work for me to do this post than it was for me to actually sit down and try to edit a Day Dream no one watches, or try to come up with some amazing concept that will put me on the map and land me some kind of money….

I know that all the good looking girls who just finished University for the semester and who haven’t made their way back home are out on the patios around the city getting drunk in very little clothes and a huge part of me wants to go watch them in action, but bars don’t let you in with your own booze, because they are assholes….

Either way, the internet’s got some tits for me that may not be as exciting as a real chick, but being married, impotent, poor and unshowered kinda means even if I was out there, I wouldn’t be seeing any nipple by the end of the night…so this is all the action I’ll be getting. At least I am not alone…thanks for always making me feel better about myself. Virgin.

I only really remembered who Shauna Sand was last week when I posted her See Thru Picture last week.

She’s at it again, only this time it’s at some trashy fashion show. I guess when you invest that kind of money in the firmest set of fake tits around, wearing a bra is a waste of time. It’s like everytime I go to a bar and get completely wasted and use my bus money on one last shot…I never really feel the impact of that shot, but leaving the bar with money in my pocket means I’ve failed….

Maybe, it’s really not like that at all, but it was better than my other analogy which was once you bang a bitch with herpes without a condom, there’s no real point in ever wearing one again because the damage is already done, but I don’t think that really makes sense.

I guess I will just stick to, bitch doesn’t wear a bra cuz her tits are more fake than my daughter’s Chanel earrings her black boyfriend gave her, but that doesn’t mean she won’t show them off to all her ghetto friends at school….

Maybe that one was a little homo, but I was just at the strip club and one of the strippers was in a fake Chanel bathing suit, with Fake Chanel Earrings and Sunglasses, she also had fake tits and I did see her nipple too, only it was more exciting because I could smell her box from the front row and I can’t get Chanel of the brain….

Shauna Sand is some kind of playboy playmate who was married to some h-list celebrity named Lorenzo Lamas. Here she is out in some see-thru dress showing off the huge fucking tits that got her where she is today. I don’t know if breast implants are as popular a they used to be. I don’t feel like a girl needs huge fake titties to get into Playboy or porn anymore, I think the general population isn’t all about tits like they used to be, but back when this slag got started, it was the only way to the top. I was out at the strip club with a group of guys from the park a couple of months ago, it was welfare check day which means all kinds of crazy. My friend Lou had never touched a set of fake tits ever, so I suggested we hit up the strip club. There was a time when every fucking stripper was packin’ heat, but this day we had to go to four different places to find a set. When I finally spotted fake tits I went up to the stripper and asked if her tits were real. She didn’t know how to answer for fear of losing the dance, when I made her feel comfortable about her tits and let her know that we were on this quest, she was more than happy to pull out her plastic tit, show us her scar and even do a titty dance routine with them. All this to say, there’s still fake tits out there, but they are so fuckin’ 1995. Makin’ Shauna Sand’s tits older than some of you.

On a side note, you know you have my kind of woman when her shoes are made of plastic. Some of the best cheap strippers I’ve fallen in love with wore a pair of these….

Shauna Sand is some kind of playboy playmate who was married to some h-list celebrity named Lorenzo Lamas. Here she is out in some see-thru dress showing off the huge fucking tits that got her where she is today. I don’t know if breast implants are as popular a they used to be. I don’t feel like a girl needs huge fake titties to get into Playboy or porn anymore, I think the general population isn’t all about tits like they used to be, but back when this slag got started, it was the only way to the top. I was out at the strip club with a group of guys from the park a couple of months ago, it was welfare check day which means all kinds of crazy. My friend Lou had never touched a set of fake tits ever, so I suggested we hit up the strip club. There was a time when every fucking stripper was packin’ heat, but this day we had to go to four different places to find a set. When I finally spotted fake tits I went up to the stripper and asked if her tits were real. She didn’t know how to answer for fear of losing the dance, when I made her feel comfortable about her tits and let her know that we were on this quest, she was more than happy to pull out her plastic tit, show us her scar and even do a titty dance routine with them. All this to say, there’s still fake tits out there, but they are so fuckin’ 1995. Makin’ Shauna Sand’s tits older than some of you.

On a side note, you know you have my kind of woman when her shoes are made of plastic. Some of the best cheap strippers I’ve fallen in love with wore a pair of these….