In case you’re just waking up with no knowledge of what happened last night, which seems like an impossibility sense everyone in the world cares about the tournament, one of the only things that has never happened in sports(yes I know Harvard’s women did it in 1998 so just relax) is a 16 seed beating a numba 1 seed in the NCAA Tournament.

March 16, 201811:33 PM eastern

#16 The University of Maryland, Baltimore County (UMBC)74

#1 University of Virginia54

It's even better with Titanic music! (@UMBCAthletics with the upset to end all upsets)

I realize that there are countless blogs already on the internet talking about the history that was made last night so I’m not going to get into the breakdown of the game and what this means for UMBC going forward. History was made and it was awesome. Brackets are destroyed(not mine yet) analysts are answering to fans for completely writing off the Retrievers and the tournament moves on today. My thought with all this is now that Virginia is the first team to lose to a 16 seed do they have to change their identities and completely go into hiding? I say yes, yes they do. How can anybody look at those players and not feel totally ashamed of them? How can their parents give them a hug and tell them that everything will be all right? They can’t. There will always be that shame that they brought to the state of Virginia. These kids probably ruled the school. They’re athletes, of course they did. Now they’re going to go a party next weekend and when they show up everyone is going to point and say you’re part of the team that brought the most embarrassment to the state of Virginia since the civil war. Even the dopey weirdo at the party has the right to point and laugh at them. Doesn’t stop there. They’ll go for a job interview and when they’re getting interviewed the person interviewing is going to say “hey, weren’t you on that Virginia team that lost to UMBC? It is you oh man, Davidson get in here we got one of the guys who played for that team that lost to a 16 seed you gotta see this. You can leave now, you can’t work here with that.” It’s a cruel world but that’s how it works. Once you get caught doing something embarrassing, it very easily can be a death sentence to you for the rest of your life. There’s still people from my high school that still get ostracized for saying or doing one shameful, regrettable thing and that 13 years ago. This is a consistent function of society. To shame people for doing stupid embarrassing things so that others see to not do stupid embarrassing things. Harsh, yes, effective, usually. Maybe you think I’m being ridiculous and that changing your identity is a bit extreme, that it was just a game and as long as they did their best they can hang their heads high and all that bubble gum nonsense. To that I say

I just hope that none of these kids do a Ray Finkle and hatch a scheme to kidnap any players from UMBC after a sex change operation and dig their gun into their hip all in the name of revenge. Best to just go like Wolverine did in the one Wolverine movie where he went to Japan and just go hide in the woods, grow a huge beard and lay low for a real long time because……