Your “Pretty Little Liars” Cheat Sheet: Season 4, Episode 22

With Aria on the run and Spencer fresh from rehab, the girls were on a hot mess express when we left off. Let’s discuss what happened:

1. In the first five seconds, it’s obvious that Spencer is having the best episode. She tells her mom, “withdrawal symptoms can’t be stopped with a cable knit.” No Spencer, they can’t. But you are officially the baddest bitch at prep school. I love Spencer because she’s so self-righteous and has the nerve to lecture her mom about trusting her. How much of a high horse do you have to be on? Her mom surprised her with a live-in sobriety coach, Dean, who is hot and young and probably morally questionable like all the men on this show. But he has better hair than Toby the teen wolf, so maybe this can go somewhere.

2. Aria’s sexual retreat: Aria convinces her father (who doesn’t really exist anymore) that she needs time off, so he let her go to a prospective students weekend in Syracuse. Aria goes to Syracuse alright, but ends up at a frat house. It makes total sense for a girl to run to a frat house when her world falls apart. Frat houses are where all a girl’s problems are solved. Aria somehow manages to find the only alternative guy who would be at a frat house, and she proceeds to sex him up over the course of the weekend. They have some scenes where they have some “deep” chats or something but I can’t get over the fact that he drank the whole mini bar in her hotel room then told her to tell her dad she got a case of “the drunkies.” Class act, that one. But he had good hair and nice lips, so all is forgiven. Aria went home with her groove intact and told Ezra that he should leave town, so good for her! I doubt it sticks. Aria is still the worst #neverforget.

3. Hanna impersonates someone on a date: Things are finally moving along for Hanna, now that’s Caleb’s been gone for the whole season. (Side note: I tried to watch “Rosewood” and I just couldn’t. Did anyone else have this problem?) Mysterious bad-boy-but-secretly-a-good-guy, Travis, turned back up and asked Hanna out on a date. And she said yes! When they went on said date, she brought her A-game, looking the best she’s looked in forever but she was a total Tammy Text-er the whole date. How rude. There was also a weird moment where Ms. DiLaurentis came by and stared at her and Travis all intense. Despite all this, it seems like he’ll stick around.

4. Emily, a life in the shadows: After giving her a small plot line last week, Emily was back to making small appearances/looking like a plug for Pantene. Seriously, that girl has never had a bad hair day. The hair gods are always with her. At the beginning of the episode, she did tell Ezra off about being a skeez. He had the nerve to pretend like he was still a teacher with authority. I don’t know why these girls never capitalized on his affair with Aria because I would have milked it for all it was worth. Only now do they decide to skip class. Dumb. Emily also confronted Mona about her relationship with Ezra but she basically said she knew nothing about his endgame. Useless sleuthing but nice try. Hanna did figure out that Emily told Paige that Ali was still alive because the girl sent an anonymous letter to Detective Sexy stating that. I’m foreseeing a breakup by the end of the season, womp womp womp.

5. ‘A’ gets a new identity: Ezra gave Aria his book and she which she magically read in about an hour but he has a cockamamie (that’s a great word and we should all use it more) idea that ‘A’ may be Ms. DiLaurentis! It actually kind of makes sense, considering that Ezra thinks one of the girls tried to kill Ali and Ms. D could think that too. We’re also still unclear about whether Spencer did try to kill Ali with the shovel since that was her summer of drug use. Maybe, this is what her parents were covering up for her?

The previews look insane! Spencer runs around in the woods in a wedding dress! She gets dirty!! Until next time!