Re: Bf/Gf

I know i don't feel quaified to give relationship advice. But I always tell this to guys. Being nice and talking to a girl is certainly the first step into romance. That lets you get close to her, with out feeling threatened.

Cin is right about having to respect from her. i know i won't date anyone i can't respect.

My status is more of the its complicated to the extreme, but hopeful. Its funny how sometimes you arrive at this place in your life, and you just feel like you need to be married. Thats where I am. And it may not just be for ONE person. (meaning i am not fixating solely on one person, i'm playing it safe after how many times my heart has been broken within the laat yearl.)

Meat is murder...... tasty tasty murder."Suggestion: Electrocution works well. Evisceration and Decapitation are also effective, or um, so I've heard."

Re: Bf/Gf

I don't believe in instant long-term relationships. I can understand not wanting to play games and wanting to get to the essential part immediately, but I am not sure if it's realistic. Like Axl says, "all we need is just a little patience..."

If I walked up to a guy I like and told him "hey I need to get married now", I don't think he'd react well, lol. There's a few phases to go through before getting there, you know?

I think you need to relax and spend some time and attention on yourself. As long as you feel like this, "afraid that you're old and will never get there", it will emit a negative vibe which will repel the ones who could be the right ones for you. And it might attract some that could be really bad: desperate, real losers. You don't want that.

I know it's super difficult when you feel overwhelmed but you need to find a way to relax and center your attention on you. Just do things that you like, videogames, costuming, whatever. Amuse yourself and forget the "emergency" of an instant long-term thing. It doesn't exist.

When you have fun, you'll look like fun and you'll become a real man-magnet. Maybe not with those who already feel negative towards you, but it's full of newbies out there who are just waiting to fall under your spell.

Re: Bf/Gf

Thanks Sharra. My mom got married in her 50s and it's not something that would scare me. Rather, marriage itself scares me, lol.

Sometimes I wonder if I haven't been a sort of runaway bride in my last few relationships, lol. Having kids seems less scary to me than making a choice about who I'll spend the rest of my life with. Dunno why though. Maybe somehow I don't feel up to it, go figure. Damn artists, lol.

Re: Bf/Gf

I think getting married young is sort of pressured. How often do we see/hear about young, tendy, 20 somethings getting married? I think we're too pressured into it; we date someone a while, then say, lets get married! Theres a reason why the divorce rate is so high, after all, and I think this is it. What we (everyone pay attention!) need to do is to date someone for years. Move in eventually. See what happens!

Re: Bf/Gf

I don't think dating for years is a great idea, nor moving in. My sister moved in with her bf and now she's going to have a kid and they're not married. Oh, they were going to get married last year. And they were going to get married in June. And then they were going to get married in July. And now they're claiming later this month. Pregnant weddings are never good. And I don't think her bf really wants to marry her. And she's only 20. When we all first found out she was going to have a baby everyone of us treated her horrible for the first few months. I still do sometimes. Now take me, for example, come time for me to have kids everyone will be happy for me. Cause I'm married. My mom actually told me how happy she is that me and my husband got married before we moved in with each other. If you move in with each other, you start acting like you're married, but you aren't. And some people never get there. After a few years of living together it doesn't seem like it's so important anymore. Like my step-brother. He's been with his gf for four or five years and they're getting married, actually, today. But at this point there's no celebration, it's a formality. I don't even know why they decided to make it official. People just don't really seem to honor the idea of marriage anymore. If you move in with someone, you're not "married", you're roommates who sleep together.

As for the length of time... all my life I'd decided I'd know the person I was going to marry for a year before we got married. My mom always told me, know each other a year. She didn't do that, she married my stepdad just months after meeting him. My husband's mom told him he'd know "the one" pretty quick and told him six months would be how long it would take for him to know. She was right. Even before me and my husband went on our first date people were asking us how long we'd been together. A week after we were actually together people were asking when we were getting married. Almost 6 months into it he did ask me to marry him. But I think we both knew it was going to happen three or four months before then. Actually, three months of us being together and I was already closer to him than I'd been to anyone else. We didn't really date. We went on one, he took me to see a movie and then we had something to eat. After that we went to his house to play video games. And then we just hung out. We didn't go out and do stuff like movies and dinner anymore, but that's ok. Because we got something better. We got quality time with each other at each other's house. But we weren't living together. I think if we had moved in right away that would have ruined some of the magic of it. He said that he knew the girl he was going to marry would hook up to his network and never leave, and that's pretty much how it happened. I sat down to play video games on that first day and I just never really left. Like he says, "You're my best friend, but with girlie bits." Now we've been married almost a year and a half. And before me, he was with this other girl for years and years and they were going to get married, but didn't. Yet with me it took six months. She cheated on him. Me? I'm still here.

I'm not saying to rush it, cause that can be just as bad as living with each other for years. Just that what you think might happen might not happen. I can't even explain it. I think some of you might remember I had a bf before, for three years. I thought we would get married. We were together from the time I was 17 up to when I was 20. And this is partly why I keep telling you here that don't rush getting a bf, grow up first. Because me and my bf grew apart. But I had this loyal mentality that we could work it out. That we could get past the new differences of who we'd become. In all honesty it should have ended in five months, that's when the first of the real trouble started cropping up. I wasn't with a man, I was with a boy. My husband is a man, a real man. Doesn't seem to be enough of those around anymore.

I'm not quite sure what the point of all this was. I guess to say, don't rush it, but don't be lazy. Don't ignore the dusty, not-quite-attractive man in the corner looking you're way, once you brush him off and shine him up he can be the best gem you could imagine. Things might take longer, or quicker, than you'd think. I was 21 when we married.... he was 30. While I got married fairly early on in life, it took him quite a while. Act on what you feel is right, not on whatever preconceptions of what you expect or expected to happen.

Reality doesn't care if you believe in it.[url]http://www.townparkradio.com[/url] - Video Game Remix Music

Re: Bf/Gf

CeciliaCrimsondragonFett wrote:

I think getting married young is sort of pressured. How often do we see/hear about young, tendy, 20 somethings getting married? I think we're too pressured into it; we date someone a while, then say, lets get married! Theres a reason why the divorce rate is so high, after all, and I think this is it. What we (everyone pay attention!) need to do is to date someone for years. Move in eventually. See what happens!

Good point. And over here it's pretty common that people get to know each other for a few years (or sometimes more) before doing anything definitive. When you get married too soon after meeting someone it might be up for bad surprises.

Re: Bf/Gf

You two ever hang out alone? Maybe just casually say "hey, wanna go to the movies sometime?"If she says yes, then she might be interested.If she declines... it might be a lost cause, lol.Good luck though, man.

Re: Bf/Gf

Sometimes it may just mean that she can't. Then again, a movie is a 2 hours side-by-side with someone in the dark. Might be a big step if you never went out together alone, and if she's shy / unassuming.

What kind of person is she like? Do you think she might have someone?

At first, just to test the waters a little, I'd suggest you try "accidental" contacts while talking to her. Nothing romantic, just "accidental" hand contacts and eye contact and things like that. If she seems uneasy about it, or if she doesn't seem to notice, might be better to leave it as "just friends".

If she likes the multiplied contacts and eye attention she'll probably smile at you when it happens or show signs of receptivity. Then it might be time to try asking her out like Manji says.

Re: Bf/Gf

Sure, but maybe she never considered you "that way" before. Laughing at a friend's jokes and being open to having something "more" with someone are two different things.

Although I try to give you advice I am in a similar situation, lol. It's hard to really know if someone is interested in you, even if they seem open and warm it may be just "friendly", hard to measure. I think the first move is to let them know you're interested, and then wait. If they're interested they'll usually give you some feedback sooner than later.

Re: Bf/Gf

I really do respect the concept of marriage, and don't believe in living together. (My family would disown me in all likely hood if I were to go that route anyway.) And there really isn't a time restriction either, but I feel like after 3 years together that He'd know. But not my ex. I thought I knew after like a month, but things always are changing.

I've seen A LOT of "young" people get married. And get married FAST into their relationships. And those are indeed the couples who end up in trouble. I know my fair share now in my age group who are on marriage number 2. (at say 25/26) I wonder why do they deserve two chances at that when i haven't even had one engagement.

Really its less about desperation, to when I honestly feel ready and know myself enough so that I am fit for what a marriage is. Im ready for that lifestyle.

Single isn't fun either when everyone you come across is married. They avoid single people like it will rub off on them. "OH NO! I've caught the single!"

Meat is murder...... tasty tasty murder."Suggestion: Electrocution works well. Evisceration and Decapitation are also effective, or um, so I've heard."

Re: Bf/Gf

I think they're rather afraid that you'd steal their man away, lol. And I guess they'd feel rude of being affectionate in front of you, they don't want to make you feel even lonelier by showing off what you can't have. Wouldn't you feel a bit envious if they kept being all over each other while you're alone in your corner?

I hope we'll be five here on sunday. Could be interesting I'll have to find a way to AVOID hanging myself by the phone all day saturday, lol.

Re: Bf/Gf

To answer the "don't hang out with single people" question, I think the other person in the relationship (man, woman, husband, wife), or maybe even both, might have a jealousy issue and feel threated. Like, "I'd better not hang out with her anymore even though shes my best friend, cause I don't want her to steal John". Or "I don't want you hanging out with your best friend anymore, they're going to put bad ideas in your head about me". At least, thats what my observations have been in high school and college thus far.

Re: Bf/Gf

Cin Vhetin wrote:

I think they're rather afraid that you'd steal their man away, lol. And I guess they'd feel rude of being affectionate in front of you, they don't want to make you feel even lonelier by showing off what you can't have. Wouldn't you feel a bit envious if they kept being all over each other while you're alone in your corner?

I hope we'll be five here on sunday. Could be interesting I'll have to find a way to AVOID hanging myself by the phone all day saturday, lol.

I don't think they avoid so that they aren't too affectionate around me. BELIEVE me on this one.... I've seen so much BLATANT forced affection that i'm sure it was done with the intention of rubbing in my face. "This is what you could have had... but OH NO WAIT you don't"

I know! Talk to me all day saturday. There is much PLOTTING to do

Meat is murder...... tasty tasty murder."Suggestion: Electrocution works well. Evisceration and Decapitation are also effective, or um, so I've heard."