Money Woes Deepen Family Stress

WEST BOCA — Like every other mother, Dawn Ruvolo would like to give her children the world.

But when Ruvolo, 27, gets a paycheck from her full-time maintenance job, most of it goes for the mortgage and other bills.

She would rather not dress her 9-year-old daughter Keirstin and baby Tyler in second-hand clothes and she would prefer not to say no to Keirstin's requests as often as she must.

The financial hardship is stressful enough for Ruvolo without dealing with frequent mother-daughter battles.

And the lack of money for extra things also affects Keirstin, who often fends off thoughtless classmates who sometimes tease her about living in a trailer park, causing her to lash out at her mother.

Mother and daughter are on their way to a more harmonious relationship, thanks to a connection with Ruth Rales Jewish Family Service, which has been providing low-cost family counseling once a week since late September.

"Our main goal in treating children is to help them by strengthening their families," said Jonathan Garfinkle, clinical director at Jewish Family Service.

Ruvolo said she likes to go to therapy, which helps her understand the problems she experiences with Keirstin.

Keirstin, who is in fourth grade, said counseling "sort of helps."

"We talk about the way me and my mom argue," said Keirstin, who says she misbehaves because she "gets so frustrated because I can't do stuff."

Ruvolo said Keirstin is embarrassed that Ruvolo gained weight after Tyler's birth, yet another matter that other children tease her about.

"People make fun of me because I live in a trailer park and they call me white trash and they make fun of me because my mom is fat," said Keirstin, who is an honor student at Coral Sunset Elementary School.

Ruvolo said she is doing her best to teach Keirstin how to respond to children's taunts.

"I don't want her to think I'll always be there to bail her out," Ruvolo said. "I want her to stand her own ground."

The screaming matches between Ruvolo and her daughter don't happen as often as they once did, but sometimes on payday, Keirstin makes demands that her mother can't meet.

"She'll yell in the store that she wants something and she says, `You never have the money,'" Ruvolo said. "It's embarrassing."

Ruvolo runs short of cash every month, which forces her to rely on her mother for loans and other social service agencies for help in paying bills and feeding the children.

"You want to give them everything," she said.

"I try to teach them values; I try to teach them that we should be grateful to have a roof over our heads. It may not be the best roof, but it's a roof."

Ruvolo, whose mobile home is decorated with hundreds of family photographs, recently tried to fix the plumbing in her home with the aid of her mother.

One bathtub has a hole in it and the other leaks water into Keirstin's bedroom.

She is three months behind on the mortgage and has to refill the oil in her car every three days because of a leak. She needs new tires for her 10-year-old minivan, which she relies on to get her to work in Coral Springs.

Eventually, she wants to return to school and get a nursing degree.

"But I can't go to school and pay the bills at the same time," she said. For Christmas, Ruvolo wishes she could buy her children some gifts -- there are few presents under her tree.

"Every day is tough," she said.

"I want so much more for them."

Nancy L. Othon can be reached at nothon@sun-sentinel.com or 561-243-6633.