How to be a snowflake, for realz.

“Snowflake” has become a derogatory term to mock the delicate nature of millennials, but it’s rooted in a desire I think most of us have – to stand apart, to be unique, to not be a lemming. The problem is that globalism, the interwebs, and Applebee’s are pretty much guaranteeing that we’re all morphing into Monsieur and Mademoiselle Averagés.

But please don’t shed a tear, my dear. I have three very simple ways – whether you’re male or female* – that you can set yourself apart like the glistening, beautific, feathery ice crystal you always knew you were.

If you’re a man:

Initiate a plan

Actually follow through with said plan

Do this more than one time

You will be a man among men! Women will fall at your feet! You will get a promotion at work! If you already do this, pm me. 😉 😉 😉

If you’re a woman:

Respond to text messages

Actually respect the time of your squad and don’t cancel on them willy-nilly when you and I both know if *he* hit you up you’d be up and at ’em like jumpin jack flash

Be honest with men about your feels or lack thereof and stop ghosting like a selfish little girl

Your social life will EXPLODE! Your number of confusedly spurned stalkers will DWINDLE!

There you go. If you didn’t have a New Year’s resolution already, I just gave you three! And if you’re an overachiever and resent gender dichotomies, I gave you SIX!!!!

— EDITORIAL NOTES —

*I unabashedly dichotomize men and women, and I WILL use stereotypes as much as I want!! Get over it. Shoo!

**The quotation marks are indicating you’re LYING! I literally canceled last night because I wasn’t feeling well, but this was legit. LEGIT I TELL YOU!