SL Letter of the Day: Help An Arsehole Out, Would Ya?

That is pretty much the long and short of it. My wife and I are a pretty open and kinky couple. We are out and about on the kink scene and have many friends in it. My wonderful wife has taken a sabbatical from play and rough sex as she is expecting our first child but I have continued attending clubs alone with her consent. I have a couple of in-club play-partners and we have a great time, in a safe environment, and I have a reputation for being a sane and sensible Dom.

Enter the new girl: 18 years old—15 years my junior—with an online profile that discussed areas of kink that I am interested in. I messaged her and after swapping a few messages I offered to chaperone her to the local kink club to make introductions. After a great night this girl expressed an interest in playing with me. She is currently in a Master/Slave relationship with a Daddy Dom who after lengthy chat to asses my suitability gave his consent for us to play. I asked my wife and after some discussion she agreed also. It is important to add she was conflicted about allowing this based on the fact this would not be club play but play at this girl’s apartment. I was also instructed to keep my junk in my trousers at all times. After a fantastic and punishing session in which all limits and restrictions were adhered to, everyone involved was left satisfied.

So where is the problem?

My wife’s major concern going in was that this play session would not be enough for me. She worried that I would want to make it a regular thing and that I would want to relax the no fucking rule. And fuck me if she didn't hit that nail squarely on the head. With this girl I want to mix sex up with play. She wants it too and her Daddy Dom is also on board. So my questions are as follows:

1. What the fuck is wrong with me?

2. How do I suggest that I want to open up the relationship without making my pregnant wife cry?

Here are a few more details to throw in the pot: My wife and I have discussed the possibility of extras for play and sex before we were married but we never found the right people. My wife has full access to all the messages and mails sent through Fetlife and has read all conversations between me, the new girl and her Master. My wife has experience of opening up and having sexual relations with another female, without my being present, on a handful of occasions. The girl in question is committed to her partner and poses no threat in terms of emotional love. I would not be willing to do this without my wife’s consent.

Help me, Dan, help me be a selfish arsehole!

Dominant Ultimately Must Be A Selfish Shit

My response after the jump...

······················

······················

Addressing your numbered questions first:

1. You have a dick, DUMBASS, and at the moment you're letting it do your thinking for you.

2. Sorry, DUMBASS, but seeing as trivialities like dinner plans are likely to make pregnant women cry, thanks to those hormone-induced mood swings, there's simply no way to discuss your desire to fuck a not-pregnant 18-year-old girl with your very-pregnant & years-older wife without making her cry.

My advice: Don't ask your wife directly if you can fuck this girl, DUMBASS, don't ask her indirectly by swapping wouldn't-it-be-nice-if-I-could-fuck-you messages with this girl (messages your wife will inevitably read), and don't fuck this girl. Don't. Fuck. Her. Your wife already okayed outside-the-club playtime with this girl, breaking a long-established boundary of yours, and it would be foolish and insensitive of you to confirm your wife's worst fears by turning around and asking for permission to fuck this girl. Unless you want to fuck yourself out of any chance of fucking some other girl in the future—this girl or a girl to be named later—you'll leave the whole fucking subject alone until your wife has fully recovered from the birth of your child and you two have settled into a workable routine as parents and partners.

But live in hope, DUMBASS. You and your wife have previously discussed the possibility of sexing with extras and your wife herself has had private fuck time with other women. If you can demonstrate to your wife that you're capable of honoring the limits you two have established, if you can demonstrate to her that the lifting of one limit (only play at the club) won't lead to immediate demands to lift others (fucking other people), if you demonstrate to her that her sense of physical and emotional safety and primacy are now and ever your top concern, DUMBASS, the odds that your wife will one day give you the okay to fuck someone else shoot way the fuck up.

Unless, of course, you fuck it up by fucking this girl.

P.S. The girl is eighteen. She may have a partner right now, DUMBASS, in the form of a Daddy Dom, but no relationship involving an 18 year old is "committed" in the couldn't-possibly-pose-a-threat-to-my-marriage sense of the term. So. Don't. Fuck. This. Girl.