Last night Ethan & I stayed up til 3 am for no good reason other than that the most recent season of Parenthood was added to Netflix & we are bingeaholics. For some reason a night of doing absolutely nothing but watching tv & goofing off with my weirdo husband felt like the best night of my life.
Since my surgery a week ago Ethan has been literally the best caretaker anyone could ask for. Last night I thanked him for letting me be whiny & use “but I had a tumor” as an excuse to not do literally anything. I probably have been the most annoying person & all Ethan said back was that I “could have been worse.” Insert the happy tears emoji here.
I have the best husband ever & I am so lucky that I have had him by my side with all of the stuff that has been going on in my life lately. How a person deals with the hard times says a lot about who they truly are on the inside. As scared as I have been about this tumor for the past month, Ethan didn’t act scared for a second. He has been so strong & never entertained any idea that I had cancer. When I was crying & afraid he comforted me & made me feel like everything was going to be okay no matter what. He has done everything in his power to make my recovery the easiest thing I’ve ever done. He has waited on me hand & foot & he even kisses me when I haven’t felt like showering for like three days.
I brag on Ethan like everyday anyway so the fact that I think these things is news to no one. I do have some actual news. I don’t have cancer. My tumor was completely benign. I’m still glad it’s out of there because they said it could have turned into cancer at any point so it’s for the best that it was removed. But I don’t have cancer. The thing I have worried about for over a month isn’t really a thing to worry about after all.
I am the luckiest girl in the world. I can’t stop thinking about how seriously blessed I am. I am so thankful for all of the people in my life & for everyone who has reached out to me & offered to help & everyone who has prayed or sent good vibes. All of it means so much, more than any of you know.
I don’t have cancer. Thank you, Lord. What a blessing.
All of this being said, ladies, especially if you have a history of breast cancer in your family, do your monthly breast exams. If you feel something that feels abnormal, make an appointment with your doctor. You may think you are way too young to worry about this & chances are that’s true but you can never be too careful. That’s my soapbox speech for the day.
Xoxo,
Sran

Sweetest, dreamiest husband in the world, exhibit 5,745: this picture.

When I was in kindergarten, my mom, at the ripe young age of 39, was diagnosed with breast cancer. I don’t think I really understood what was going on through most of it but I vividly remember after her lumpectomy she had blue sharpie marks all over her arms & upper body. For whatever reason, those blue marks really, really terrified me. That’s why when I had the same blue marks put on me a few weeks ago, I kinda lost my sh*t.
It’s been about a month or a little more now but honestly it’s taken me that long to process the whole thing. Today I had a surgery to remove a lump in my left breast. While all of the doctors are sure it’s not cancer, it’s still very scary. The odds that this tumor is cancerous are slim, but because of my mom & her history, the doctors wanted to take extra precaution which is why they found it best to just remove the tumor altogether. I haven’t really wanted to tell a bunch of people or post about it on social media until now because this surgery wasn’t really that big of a deal (I was in & out of the surgery center in a matter of hours & am now writing this post from the comfort of my bed with a Harry Potter movie playing in the background).

I’ve felt a lot of things over the past month or so while going through all of this. I’ve been thinking a lot about my mom & how she must have felt when she went through all of this. I’ve also been thinking about & praying for a friend of mine who is only a few years older than I am & was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.

I’ve experienced a lot of different emotions. Fear, sadness, denial, anger, anxiety. If I can feel all of this even when the doctors have expressed how sure they are that its benign, I can’t begin to understand how other people handle this when their results haven’t been so positive. I began to really realize how strong people like my mom & my friend are for taking their situations & handling them with such bravery & wisdom.

Although they are very optimistic about my case & very confident that my tumor is benign, I welcome prayers during the next 5-7 days as I heal from the surgery & very anxiously anticipate the results from the biopsy.

All of that being said, hug your mom, your sister, your grandma, your aunts, & your friends a little tighter next time you see them, life is hard sometimes.
Xoxo & all my love,

Sran

My awesome mom helping me get ready on my wedding day, the happiest day of my life. I’m so thankful I have my mother, a breast cancer survivor, to share this journey with.

This week, Ethan & I finished off a box of 150 trash bags. If you know me at all, you know how disgustingly sentimental I can be. Marriage has, if at all possible, made me even more sentimental than ever before.

Shortly after Ethan & I arrived at our new home upon returning from our honeymoon, we made a big Walmart trip to retrieve various home necessities. Among our purchases was a box of 150 trash bags. I remember thinking, “Wow, it’ll take us forever to use 150 trash bags.” I also remember thinking about how “good at marriage” we would be by the time that box was empty.

Well, folks, we are just over 7 months into this whole marriage thing & I’m here to tell you that we aren’t any better at it that we were on day one.

It was silly of me to even think that one day we would be “good” at marriage, because I’m not really sure that anyone ever masters the art of marriage. Being newly married is a wonderful thing, but a thing that comes with a lot of lessons to be learned by both man & wife.

Sometimes marriage is hard. I never realized what a selfish human I can be until marriage. Sharing a bed & a sleep schedule with another human is not always ideal. Trying to agree on paint colors & if the swirly iron tree that I picked out specifically to go in a certain place looks good on this wall or that one is not always fun. Arguing over who has to get out of bed to let the dog out really shows a different side of both of us that you would never know existed.

More importantly than the hard, messy side of marriage though, this has been nothing short of a sweet, sweet blessing. Forming a new family with the person you love is one of the coolest, most fulfilling & joyous things I have ever been a part of. This marriage has forced me to grow & change in ways that I didn’t want to countless times. But as challenging as it can be & has been, it is so far beyond worth it. Marriage is honestly the most fun I have had in my life so far.

Right now we have tons of friends getting engaged & married – it is wonderful & I absolutely love it. I get so excited to talk to my friends about how awesome marriage is. In my opinion (hopefully Ethan would agree) marriage has been the most fun I’ve had during the 6 years of this relationship. I get to live with my best friend, you guys, how cool is that?

My cheesy, sentimental self has found every tiny thing about this marriage so special. Grocery shopping is more fun. Doing the dishes together makes it less terrible. Snuggling & doing nothing on a weekend is the coolest thing ever. Taking the pup to the park is a blast.

Time won’t make us “better” at marriage. I mean, we’re already hella good at it anyway. Kidding. Sorta. But really, I look forward to the day when we go through our next 150 trash bags & I can see how far we’ve come from where we are now.

I’ve dreaded this day (or just this time in general) for a while now. Though I’m incredibly proud of all of my pals for graduating from college this year, I can’t help but feel a little like a loser because, unlike most of my peers, I’ll consider myself lucky if I can graduate next year, a whole year late.

So maybe I’ve taken the less traditional route. But while I’ve spent a lot of time lately feeling down on myself for not getting my degree done in four years like most of my peers, I’m really thankful for the path I’ve taken. Three colleges and a semester off is not how I dreamed my college career would look but I honestly don’t think I’d change it if I had the chance.

I would definitely not exchange the friends I’ve made, the lessons I’ve learned, and the experiences I’ve had during this time for a diploma in my hand today.

That being said, I couldn’t be more proud of all of my pals who have graduated this year & are embarking on exciting careers & fulfilling their dreams. I look forward to joining you guys on the post grad side of life – I’ll get there one of these days.

So I’ve been neglecting my blog for far too many weeks now – life happens. But alas, friends, I have returned to the blogosphere for this momentous occasion. What might that be? The five year anniversary of my relationship with my now fiancé, Ethan. Sucker for love stories? Hope so cuz this one is probably going to surmount all expectations you currently have.

It was about this time five years ago when Ethan and I were sitting outside of my parents Germantown home chatting before he was to leave. I mean quite literally that it was this time five years ago, because we sat outside at his car until the wee hours of the morning, a ritual of ours that occurred far too often to his parents dismay. Let’s first rewind to the days prior.

Ethan and I had been “talking” as it is often called for several months when one night, a very nervous young Ethan decided it was time to have the “what are we?” talk. The Ethan you all know and love today is much different than the Ethan I’m describing now. High school Ethan was one of the shyest humans I’ve ever come into contact with – and it was totally adorable and sweet. This night, he was more nervous than I had ever seen him and I found out why when I walked him out to his car that evening.

It honestly was the cutest thing in the world, watching him shuffle his feet so nervously. Our conversation was like something out of an awkward middle school scene in a movie… And it went down something like this.

E: So… I think you know by now … That I like you. Right?
Me: Yes. *grinning*
E: Okay. And … You … I mean I think you … You like me too … Right?
Me: *grinning more* Yes.
E: Okay so I guess I was just wondering … You know … *shuffling feet* … Well if we like each other than we should just …
Me: ….yes?
E: You know what I’m trying to say, right?
Me: Yes, I know what you’re trying to say.
E: So … what’s your answer?
Me: You haven’t really given me a question to answer…

I don’t exactly remember where the conversation left off for the night, but there were definitely loose ends. I didn’t want to make it easy on him, you know, I wanted him to work for it, but he was too nervous to continue that night, and he actually ended up getting in his car and going home. I couldn’t help but be a little tickled. I wasn’t just going to hand it to him though.

He came over the next night and when it was time for him to go home, I walked him out to his car like usual. We picked up where we left off.

E: Okay. So we definitely like each other. So we should do something about it, right?
Me: Yeah, I suppose we should.
[We discussed the fact that I knew what he was referring to and I told him that I wasn’t going to make this easy on him and that he would have to ask me a question if he wanted an answer. Frustrated, and still obviously nervous, Ethan got back into his car, and went home (girlfriendless) once again.]

Finally, the next night when it was time for me to walk him out, we got outside & he took a breath and just simply said, “Sara Ann, will you be my girlfriend?” Obviously I obliged and here we are, five years later and engaged.

There are so many things I could say about Ethan and our relationship. I would be typing and you would be reading for hours if I tried to put into words what a blessing this relationship has been in my life over the past five years. So I’ll try to keep it short(ish).

Ethan and I have seen the best of our days and the worst of our days together. He has put up with so much of my crap, sometimes I just look at him and wonder how he’s done it – and sometimes I think the same about myself, too ;). But I think the coolest thing is that Ethan and I have been through several different big phases of life together. We’ve literally grown and matured together. Being able to look back at all the years we’ve seen together and all the memories we’ve made is something that I will always treasure.

I can remember laying on my bed in high school, seventeen years old, thinking how excited I was to marry Ethan one day. I thought I could never love him more than I did then. Boy, was I wrong.

I remember celebrating silly “monthaversaries” and thinking we had been together for soooo long. I remember long text and phone conversations that got him in trouble with his parents. I remember the first time he kissed me (a whole month AFTER we started dating) and how I felt like I was in a stinking fairy tale. I remember doing homework together at my parents kitchen table. I remember the first time I went over and met his family. I remember high school dances, and how he hung a sign in the hallway of my high school asking me to Prom in front of everyone. I remember when we went separate ways for college, thinking the world was going to end because we wouldn’t see each other every day. I remember trips to the lake together. I remember visits to each other’s colleges and tear-filled goodbyes. I remember random snow days, hanging out with roommates, doing nothing and having a blast. I remember fights we’ve had and the unfortunate week we spent broken up (it was my fault … both times). I remember Ethan leaving his family on Christmas Day to come to Jonesboro when my puppy, Gracie passed. I remember getting all of our tattoos together. I remember moving to Jonesboro and thinking how this is where we’ll live together and start a family after we’re married. I remember all of the little things and memories that got us where we are now. It’s so sweet to be able to look back on all of these memories to see where we’ve been and how fair we’ve come.

I’m so thankful to God for putting Ethan into my life. We have taught each other so much and what a blessing this relationship had been to us both. I can’t imagine these past few years without him – and I don’t want to. All of my best memories and happiest moments include Ethan and I know we will continue to collect these memories for many years to come.

Today, we’re celebrating our fifth and final dating anniversary. Coolest and weirdest thing I’ve ever said! This time next year, we will be MARRIED. And I don’t think I’ve ever looked forward to anything more than this. What’s cooler than getting to marry your best friend? Nothing. Only 232 days … Not that I’m counting down or anything.

Hope I didn’t make you wanna throw up with all my sappiness…but I really don’t care if I did 🙂

Yesterday was a big day for me. After taking a semester off this fall, I became a student again. But something more important than me realizing that I’m a student again happened yesterday. Yesterday I realized, or perhaps remembered, my dreams.

I’ve never liked school. I’ve always been bored and unfocused, due in part to my near chronic ADD. It wasn’t until I realized what I wanted to study – and eventually do – that I actually started enjoying school. I know that this is normal – obviously studying things you like is more enticing than studying things you don’t like – but it was just really interesting to me what a change it made. It was interesting because when I started enjoying school and what I was reading and studying, I started dreaming more. Now, I do less day dreaming about what’s for dinner or how gravity works (seriously though…it’s nuts isn’t it?!) and I do more dreaming about how I can make an impact on the world or even just my community.

In my reading last night (“Sociology and the Study of Social Problems” by Anna Leon-Guerro) I came across this quote by a Gary Fine. He says, “Those who care about social problems are obligated to use their best knowledge to increase the store of freedom, justice, and equality.” It really struck me. As I thought about it, I thought also about how reluctant I was to go back to school. Taking a semester off may have been the best decisions I’ve made during my college career and I really was not ready to give up my copious amounts of freedom. But inevitably, I knew that in order to do what I wanted to do, what I’ve been dreaming of doing, I would have to go back to school.

What I had forgotten during my semester off is that I do truly enjoy studying social work. I love reading my books about social problems and sociology and how our world works (most of the time, at least). I also really enjoy that most of my peers, have similar dreams as me, and some of them are almostas passionate as I am! I think I missed that aspect of being in school more than I knew until yesterday. I know we all have dreams and aspirations, but I think the social workers of the world in particular have more passion and dreams than they know what to do with. It’s really cool and inspiring to be surrounded by people who share this with me.

Anyway, after reading that quote by Gary Fine, I just thought for a while about how I shouldn’t see this as “having” to go back to school. First of all, this education is not only such a blessing but an opportunity that not everyone has the means to get. Second, I don’t actually have to do it. It’s a stepping stone to get to where I want to go, but I wantnot get there, I dream about getting there, but I don’t have to get there. Third, he’s totally right. I have access to a great education – a chance to learn a lot. I do feel obligated to use my knowledge and you know what, I can’t wait to do it! Which is why I will say what I never ever thought I would say … I am so glad to be back in school. There. I said it. Enter parade of band and cheerleaders celebrating these words.

I’m so excited to be learning and dreaming again. I have so many plans and ideas that I feel like I could burst at the seams – and it’s the coolest thing ever. I love dreaming. I think we should all have dreams. Everyone has something they’re passionate about – something that I think is really awesome. If we all had dreams of how we could use our passions to make the world a better place maybe one day they would come true. So let’s all dream big, how bout that? I’d like to see this world be changed.

Many blessings,
SAS

Oh, P.S. My first day back was good, I didn’t have to ask for directions AND I didn’t get lost and I only embarrassed myself once!

P.P.S. Pro tip: If your interesting fact on the first day is that you have 14 piercings, your teacher WILL assume that most of them are … *ahem* hidden by clothing and you WILL be mortified and your face WILL turn bright red… Just so you know. 😉

P.P.P.S. If you don’t already know, all of my piercings are on my ears and face, I SWEAR.

We’re nearly half way through January and I’m still thinking about resolutions to make for the new year. While thinking about resolutions I have I realized that a lot of times, we confuse goals with resolutions. For me, a resolution is a long term change that I need to make while a goal can just be one simple task. Although now that I’m writing this I guess they are pretty interchangeable. Anyway, that being said, this is my 2014 goals and resolutions post.

Here’s a fun list of a some things (in no particular order) I would really like to do this year.

2014 goals:
Replace caffeine source from soda to tea
Get out of the house and go exploring
Spend more time in nature
Go hiking/climb a mountain
Find out if Arkansas actually HAS mountains
(Go back to school and) make good grades
Maybe start by studying geography (LOL, kidding)
Get another piercing
Or two
Get another tattoo
Or two
Blog more
Get in shape
Stay in shape
Run a marathon
Or at least another half marathon
Go a month without wearing makeup
Spend less time on my phone
Leave the house without my phone
Try vegetarianism again
Do more things for other people
Go to an amusement park
Learn to knit or crochet
Learn to cook
Start a cookbook collection
Buy a meal for a homeless person
Pay for a strangers coffee
Grow my hair out to my butt
Visit two new states just for fun
Read the Harry Potter series five times
Accomplish all of these and more

Now, on to the resolutions. These resolutions are again in no particular order. I just thought numbering backwards would give a little dramatic effect.

In 2014 I will:
3. Be uncommon. I don’t mean “unique.” I’m already unique; we’re all unique. In November, I went to a banquet honoring the graduates of the Memphis Center for Urban Theological Studies, where my mom works doing social media and all her other techy, geniusy stuff. A man named Stacy Spencer talked about how we’ve blurred the lines between holy and common. He talked about how God calls the common to do uncommon tasks. I’ve been living as one of the common. I want to be uncommon. Not in the sense that I have this one pair of shoes that no one else has, but maybe in the sense that I have the attitude that no one else has. Uncommon people are servants. Uncommon people love unconditionally, all the time. Uncommon people are gracious and humble, unbreakably courageous and fiercely kind. I want to be uncommon.

2. Stop using makeup to cover up imperfections (and only use it to enhance existing features). News flash: I have zits. Some times I have a lot of them. And sometimes I let them make me feel ugly. Double news flash: no one’s skin is perfect. This year, I want to stop being embarrassed by a little zit on my face because really … who cares?! Why are we so concerned about having a perfect, zit free face anyway? Am I so common that I really think that’s what matters? This has to stop. I need to start believing that I’m beautiful no matter my complexion. And so do you.

1. Leave the past in the past. My favorite professor, Mr. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, once said, “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that.” I’ve spent too much time dwelling on things that I can’t change. I’ve beat myself up over things that could have gone differently and what I should or should not have said. I’ve spent so much time worrying about things, that I have been forgetting about the present time. What a waste! I’m angry at myself for wasting all of that valuable time. This year, I’m moving on and I’m leaving the “what ifs” in 2013. I’m going to live in the present.

If I could have half the success in accomplishing these resolutions as I did with my 2013 resolution, I would not only be a better person, but I would be a happier person. So here goes nothin’ I guess. These resolutions could change me as a person a whole lot. These things aren’t something I can check off in one day, but things that will take persistence and strength. I hope that on January 1, 2015, I’m looking back on this year, reflecting on the changes I’ve made and proud of how far I’ve come in just one year.

Put a Face to a Name

This is me.

Now, Read a Little About Me

My name is Sara Ann. I just had to delete this whole thing and rewrite it because that's how long it's been since I actually used this blog. I like to write. This blog is used as a way for me to express myself and write the things that float around in my brain. I'm just a 20 something gal wandering through life trying to do it well. A few things I love: Jesus, people, my family, my boyfriend, Harry Potter, puppies, coffee, chocolate, food in general, scarves, clean underwear, and warm sheets. I'm kind of a weirdo. I have 15 piercings and two tattoos. I'm also a proud alumna of Kappa Delta - Zeta Omega chapter at the University of Memphis. I'll finish college someday and I'll hopefully be a social worker of some sort. I have a passion for helping people and hope to focus on abused children/child welfare/adoption when I finish all this school stuff. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoy!