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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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our team is fucking crazy

September 21, 2011

One thing about the Bengals is they have never lacked for surprises. Very bad weed jokes became commonplace on an otherwise regular hump day and the zombiefied 2006 jokes came back in full force.

More interestingly the Bengals have been found to be a staggering -3 on Sunday. At this point I'm thinking the Ginger to Green combo should at least make the games entertaining like Blake to Pickens & Scott.

October 11, 2010

It narrowly edged out "Can you point me to a good ledge? Thanks" and "Following Cincinnati Sports is Pure Pain With No Hope of Relief".

I can alleviate some of the Reds pain courteousy of some stuff thrown my way by my ever-optimistic dad (bless him) after the jump but as for the Bengals, well, that's a little harder.

We just finished the easy part of our schedule 2-3. So, uh, yeah. As this season looks lost, a lockout looms in 2011, and there are all sorts of questions about our core players age/skills and coaches contracts, who knows what the Bengals look like in 2012 & beyond? This is the last known year of the mostly stable, occasionally successful, Mike Brown neutralized, Marvin & Carson era. And it appears as if the Bengals will waste it.

Unless a Zimmer Era miraculously flourishes starting in 2012 (and really it started 2 years ago), you can probably expect some form of the lost decade to return.

Importantly, the fanbase might receive more Project Mayhem tasks more warmly now...maybe we can give this another shot.

As for the Reds, despite falling for the Phillies terrible offer of "you give me five bucks and I'll kick you in the nuts", hope exists:

September 30, 2010

tide182 touched on this monumentally stupid quote from Brat in Hobson's latest foray into the braindead zombified world of the Bengals offense. Note that Hobson, for once, cannot even muster an optimistic spin to set up what Brat says. Read on...

Another duo that rotated last season, Nate Livings and Evan Mathis, also hasn’t done it this year with Livings getting the nod.

That, folks, is Geoff Hobson being honest. Truly dark days are upon us if Hobson doesn't even try to put a nice bow on the quote that follows.

“It was determined coming out of camp that Nate had won that job and now Evan is forced into being our backup center,” Bratkowski said. “He’s got to put a lot more time taking reps at center so we’ll be prepared in the event something happens to Kyle (Cook). Evan’s got to take those snaps at center, which takes away from his work at guard.”

The level of idiocy in that quote needs to be taken immediatley to a museum so that students can marvel at it for generations. Why in the fuck is it more important for the Bengals to have a raw backup center than a good starting left guard? It is not sound logic to purposefully make your offensive line less good just so that you are prepared for an injury that hasn't happened yet. In the real world, the term for that is, "Clean out your desk, you fucking suck at your job and deserve to be a hobo." In Mike Brown's world the term for that is, "Good job Bobbo. I really like how our running game looks shitty most of the time. Keep up the insanity."

August 20, 2010

It's Friday. So it's time for some incoherent rambling and random links.

Recently I voluntarily saw 1) Knight & Day and 2) The Expendables. In theaters no less. Where I paid $13 per ticket for movies I knew would be bad. The hope, of course, is that they would be good bad movies. These are movies that are so bad that they somehow come full circle all the way around back to being good. I haven't decided yet if they succeeded. I am leaning towards yes. Why? The key for me is that I have to believe they intended to make a good movie but failed. Don't give me any of these intentionally bad movies that you can only enjoy ironically like Snakes On A Plane. That is some bullshit.

No, I want movies where the directors and actors delusionally believe they will make something awesome but as an outsider familiar with their work you know they have no fucking chance. The 80s perfected this. What a decade. Go watch Tango and Cash, for example, and tell me that a) it's not completely insane and b) those involved created the insanity intentionally. You can't.

I would bet when Tom Cruise and Sly Stallone created these movies, they thought they had masterpieces on their hands.

As for the Bengals, I believe they may have executed this concept to perfection with their roster. Two rules right now dominate the decision to bring crazy people onto your team.