So I’ve Got this Problem With My Ex…

You know how it goes. You first meet that special someone and there’s an instant spark; things just feel… right! There are butterflies and excitement! You can’t wait to see each other and ultimately spend tons of time together. You’ve committed!

Years go by and things begin to sour for some reason. The butterflies are gone. She’s changed a lot since you first met.

I know this sounds shallow but, in my own experience, she gained a bunch of weight for about 6 years. Maybe she was comfortable with me, but she didn’t care about my concerns.

I looked at old pictures and videos and wonder what the hell happened?

Then, all of a sudden, she slims back down. She said she didn’t do it for me, but for her. Hmmmm, what’s going on? The last several months of the relationship became sort of tumultuous and BAM… she tells me that she’s running this relationship and making drastic changes and I either have to deal with it or move along… So I broke up with her!

We haven’t spoken to each other since September.

The last few days, however, I’ve seen her all over the place and she has been very flirty and extremely sexy… I wanna jump all over her… I’m fighting it and I fear jumping back in bed with her and ending up in the same old situation…

I guess if I’m gonna talk about her, and potentially get back with her I might as well tell you all her name.

Her name is The National Association for Stock Car Auto Racing or NASCAR for short. Ha ha! Had ya fooled there, didn’t I?

What I said is true, however, and sums up my relationship with NASCAR. I got into NASCAR in the mid ’90s. The sport was pretty raw back then, but it was way more exciting than it is now. On any given Sunday, a driver could wreck another driver for the win. That isn’t wrong at all, in my opinion.

Stuff like this:

If ya didn’t watch the video, here’s what Earnhardt said after wrecking Terry Labonte to win…

Terry got into me in the middle of 3 & 4 and… I was gonna get back to him and just rattle him, I wasn’t gonna wreck him but… I got to him and just turned him around so… didn’t mean to really turn him around meant to rattle his cage, though.

See an apology there? Nope! That’s how it was back then… win the freakin’ race no matter what!

Unfortunately, almost 18 months after that Bristol race, Dale Earnhardt died in a crash on the final turn of the last lap of the 2001 Daytona 500…

…It was horrible. I cried. Until the moment of the crash, I hated that dude… He drove a Chevy. I’m a Ford guy. He was an asshole on the track, but that’s how he won 7 championships!

A big part of NASCAR died with Dale on February 18th of 2001… there hasn’t been a true, defined badass in the sport since his passing.

Yeah, Jimmie Johnson has won 6 championships since then but that dude’s just a boring fag!

In 2007, NASCAR introduced the clunky Car of Tomorrow…

It was supposed to be a safer car. It was safer, but slower and ugly. It didn’t nearly resemble it’s showroom counterparts. This car was designed to prevent fatalities like the one Dale suffered.

In case you didn’t know, Dale had his team modify his seatbelts so they were more comfortable during the 500. Because of those modifications, his face and chest hit his steering wheel in that crash, ultimately killing himself…

I had to deal with 6 years of this “fatter” car. NASCAR was no longer sexy to me… it was just blah.

For the 2013 season, NASCAR showed up with a new chassis/body combination that produced cars that looked much like the cars at the dealership…

Compare that to the dumb ass looking Aflac “Fusion” above… No… they’re still not “stock cars” as NASCAR advertises. But they can’t be like that anymore because of the speeds that these cars achieve on the track…

Anyway, I got pissed off at NASCAR last September and haven’t watched a race since…

Lately, though, there’s been a lot of NASCAR coverage since they’re in Daytona this week and I got sucked into watching the non points, money only race, The Sprint Unlimited, yesterday on fast forward. It was a great race even though multiple wrecks eliminated half the field.

… That’s sort of misleading… Danica didn’t cause this particular wreck, though she did get taken out in it.. by her boyfriend, Ricky Stenhouse Jr., no less!

Oof… Ricky ain’t gettin’ any from Danica real soon! She would’ve been able to continue the race had he not blasted her driver’s side!

I even watched qualifying for the front row yesterday and that shit’s boring!

I’m wondering if NASCAR is fixing this shit… Austin Dillon really won the pole in the “new” 3 car?

I don’t like the fact that owner Richard Childress brought back the 3. That number shoulda been retired when Earnhardt died…

Anyway… I’m getting hooked back in and I don’t know if I like it…

Will I watch the qualifying races on Thursday… or the Daytona 500 Sunday and get back in bed with NASCAR…? We shall see..