Lena Dunham basically wins the Playboy Q&amp;A out this week — and knocks out every last body-snarking comment ever leveled against her — with an answer to a question about what she’d do if she woke up in the body of a Victoria’s Secret model:
“I don’t think I’d like it very much. There would be all kinds of weird challenges to deal with that I don’t have to deal with now. I don’t want to go through life wondering if people are talking to me because I have a big rack. Not being the babest person in the world creates a nice barrier. The people who talk to you are the people who are interested in you. It must be a big burden in some ways to look that way and be in public. That said, I probably would want to see if I could get free food at restaurants. Then I’d call a doctor and see if she could return me to my former situation.”
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So brilliant, and not the least bit defensive. Also: totally empathetic to Victoria’s Secret models! It would be kind of annoying to just get through a day’s errands or whatever if dudes were constantly falling all over you, and how would you ever know if anyone was listening to a damn thing you said? People do listen to what Lena Dunham says, as evidenced by this very interview.
Incidentally, she’s on fire in every bit of this interview, starting with the gorgeous, mod photo of her.
A few other fantastic things she says:
“I never chalk up anything to the gender divide and say, ‘Well, that’s just a male thing.’ I hate the conventional wisdom that men are supposedly complete pieces of s**t and it’s our job as women to put up with them. Men are just as sensitive and easily victimized as women are, but there’s not as much of an infrastructure for expressing it."
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“On Girls I like being a mouthpiece for the issues I think young females face today. It’s always shocking when people question whether it’s a feminist show. How could a show about women exploring women not be? Feminism isn’t a dirty word. It’s not like we’re a deranged group who think women should take over the planet, raise our young on our own and eliminate men from the picture. Feminism is about women having all the rights that men have.”
“If I could abolish one question, it would be ‘Why are you naked on TV so much?’ I don’t know. Use your imagination.”
All the Dunhamness and feminism is all the more amazing for the fact that it’s in Playboy. I couldn’t be happier that she’s Lena Dunham, non-Victoria’s Secret model.
Hollywood.com correspondent Jennifer Keishin Armstrong is the author of two forthcoming books, Sexy Feminism and Mary and Lou and Rhoda and Ted, a history of The Mary Tyler Moore Show. For more information visit JenniferKArmstrong.com.
Follow Jennifer on Twitter @jmkarmstrong
[Photo Credit: Todd Williamson/AP Photo]
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Craving a fun, crazy, wild, sexual ride? That's exactly what Justin Timberlake delivered as he hosted Saturday Night Live for the fifth time Saturday. Facing high expectations going into the evening, Timberlake more than lived up to the hype during his duties. Not only did the multi-hyphenate revive old characters, like his "D**k in a Box" lady-killer and OmeletteVille shiller, Timberlake also headlined some entertaining new sketches. He posed as temporarily chaste Emperor Caligula, starred in a fictional romantic comedy trailer, made an appearance in a Moet &amp; Chandon commercial, and performed two of his hit new songs.
But, there was more. SNL also inducted Timberlake into the "Five-Timers Club" and upon entering, he greeted by some more than A-List celebrity names like Tom Hanks, Steve Martin, and more. Oh yeah, and Jay-Z even made an appearance during one of Timberlake's performances. If SNL was trying to make us forget the series' past subpar three months, it certainly succeeded.
Read below to see what happened during Saturday night's star-studded episode.
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Hugo Chavez Memorial Performance
Becoming one of the rare hosts to appear in SNL's cold open, Timberlake posed as Elton John, sitting down at the piano to play and sing a tribute to deceased Venezuelan President, Hugo Chavez. Poking fun at both John’s Princess Diana’s tribute, "Candle in the Wind," and the late leader, Timberlake sang about Chavez’s pistol-wielding press conferences and bizarre view that Capitalism killed Mars.
Justin Joins the Five-Timers Club
A dapper Timberlake began the star-studded festivities during his monologue, which officially inducted the five-time host into SNL's famous "Five-Timers Club." An update of Tom Hanks' famous 1990 monologue, Timberlake's opening brought back five-time hosts Paul Simon, Steve Martin, Chevy Chase, Alec Baldwin, Candice Bergen, and Hanks himself. (Members Drew Barrymore and John Goodman weren’t on-hand, but their portraits hung on the wall.)
As if those big names wasn't enough, original cast member Dan Aykroyd was there to serve Timberlake a special Gilly-inspired drink called the “Kristen Wiig” (god bless her SNL departed soul), and Martin Short, the third amigo, served hors d’oeuvres covered in the germs from his sneezes. If you were hoping for a Three Amigos reunion, you were rewarded later in the episode when Short, Martin, and Chase (in his first post-Community TV appearance) dressed as Ned Nederlander, Lucky Day, and Dusty Bottoms later in the show to introduce Timberlake's second performance.
It’s A Date
"D**k in a Box" twosome Timberlake and Andy Samberg made their return as a double dating pair posing as contestants in a Dating Game-esque program. But they had some lofty and legendary competition — they were stacked up against Bobby Moynihan as a sweet contestant looking for love and Aykroyd and Martin's Festrunk Brothers, the two wild and crazy guys made famous during SNL's 1970s glory days.
Turns out Timberlake and Samberg's duo and the Festrunk Brothers were the real match mad in heaven during the hilarious sketch — not only was it a treat for hardcore SNL fans to see Aykroyd and Martin revive their 30-year-old characters, but the "D**k in a Box" two some invited uproarious laughter with their dream dates, which included “[railing] on your butt," and their insistence that women can't get pregnant in the summertime. (Bonus points for the DuckTales shout-out.)
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VeganVille Vs. Sausage Depot
OmletteVille reinvented! Timberlake tried to create a “meat-free zone” by musically intimidating Moynihan's Sausage Depot mascot to give up his post, much like he did in the singer's now-famous 2003 OmletteVille sketch. In this bit, Timbelake whipped up some of Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” with “brown rice baby” as the kicker, and even sang tofu-inspired versions of hits from Rihanna and more. Timberlake ended the sketch with Baauer’s “Harlem Shake.” WHY, TIMBERLAKE WHY? I love you, but don't you know we've been trying to shake off the shake?
Birth Control NuvaBling Commercial
This sketch advertises a scary imaginary product: a bedazzled NuvaRing. For those who think vajazzling just isn't enough, the birth control product shines from within you... and hurts. Honestly, I could have done without this piece — I certainly didn't need nightmares about “shining up that 'gine" to accompany me to bed.
Timberlake Performs "Suit &amp; Tie"
If Veganville didn’t give you enough of Timberlake’s infamous dancing skills, he certainly delivered performing his new single, “Suit &amp; Tie.” There’s no denying that this man has his groove back after his musical hiatus, which gives us extra reason to continue to be endlessly jealous of the singer's new wife, Jessica Biel.
As if his dance skills weren’t enough, Jay-Z also joined Timberlake on stage to finish up the performance. And when it was over, I was left craving for Timberlake to “show [me] a few [more] things.”
Weekend Update
Seth Meyers started off the “Weekend Update” with another Chavez funeral joke and a rib about the North Korea-bound Dennis Rodman crashing the papal conclave. Meyers also joked about Playboy's Hebrew version of the magazine (look at the women's breasts from right to left) and Saturday's switch to Daylight Savings Time: “The clock on your oven will be wrong for six months.” Actually, the clock on my wall will finally be right again for the next six months.
And proving that SNL continued to pull out all the stops, Stefon (Bill Hader) appeared on Weekend Update to share his patented party advice, and, as an added bonus, offered an impression of Donald Duck having a Vietnam nightmare. (We couldn't have dreamed up anything better.) But the bit left us wondering one thing: Why didn't anyone tell us Jamba Juice was bad for you?
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The Tales of Sober Caligula
Emperor Caligula (played by Timberlake) decided to clean up and stop abusing alcohol and partaking in orgies. What caused the infamous Roman Emperor to give up his dirty ways? He “woke up with [his] penis in the mouth of a dead lion” one day. (You don't want to know where the lion's penis was.) So, instead of the usual orgies, Caligula ruled that his court would participate in game night instead. Screw sober Caligula — doesn’t a Timberlake sexcapade sound much more thrilling? At least the pig got lucky.
Maine Justice or Southern Lies?
Timberlake's hair as a Maine-based baliff was the first sign of bad things to come in this mock court TV show. Indistinguishable dialogue, a blowup alligator, and a confusing premise (a town in Maine thinks its New Orleans?) couldn’t save the sketch, despite Timberlake's valiant efforts.
Timberlake Performs “Mirrors”
The Three Amigos — Short, Martin, and Chase — dressed up as a mariachi band as a nod to their 1986 movie and introduced Timberlake for his second performance. There is nothing else that can be said about this other than it was flawless.
She’s Got A D!%k
Airing near the end of the night, Timberlake’s mock movie trailer centered on “an adorable brunette,” who Timberlake finds out actually has a d**k. But despite his confused black friend’s advice, the heart wants what it wants, and the romantic comedy had the potential to be even better than Friends With Benefits.
Moet &amp; Chandon
Ricky V.I.Penis (Timberlake’s final character of the night) closed the show with an advertisement for Moet and Chandon starring porn stars. Imagining Timberlake as a porn star needing more room in his pants? Now, that's a real reason to celebrate!
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: NBC]
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It's Friday night. You are sitting on a sleek leather couch, sipping on a stiff drink. The DJ is blasting music. Go-go dancers are up on their platforms twisting their bodies back-and-forth quickly to the music. And the crowd around you is getting loose on the dance floor. Are you in a Vegas club throwing it back at Kim Kardashian's birthday party? Or maybe you are on South Beach heating it up with a Bradley Cooper lookalike? Sorry to burst your bubble, but you are not. You are actually at home sitting on your own secondhand, upholstered sofa, and watching TV. But not just any old TV show. You are tuned into The Jenny McCarthy Show, Jenny McCarthy's new talk show. And this show is taking you to a place you want to be. “It’s a lot like a back VIP room of a club," McCarthy tells Hollywood.com, describing the set of her new program. "I want to have that feel of the club's just closed, but the owner pushed you back into a back VIP room."
Complete with DJ, bartender, and go-go dancers, you don't even have to leave your living room to go out on Friday nights (though the show only lasts 30 minutes). And alcohol will also be available for audience members and celebrity guests to drink. "We have a pre-party before the show starts so the audience gets to drink," she says. The alcohol will take its effect. "It turns into, like, MTV Grind at the end.”
Besides the setting, it's McCarthy's interview strategy that promises to make this show entertaining. "Me and two celebrity guests stay out there the entire 30 minutes," she says. "I get into a little bit of pop culture, but we don’t have set jokes for them. It’s more of a discussion. It does get funny at times, but it’s not anything that is pre-scripted."
Celebrities can share their thoughts on the day's hot topics. "Like, we would talk about Beyoncé and how she totally rocked the [Super Bowl]," McCarthy explains. "We’re trying to figure out how to get celebrities to break their shells and come out."
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McCarthy developed this plan by testing it on Bradley Cooper. "I took a flip cam and I interviewed him," she says. "Both of us, laying down on our backs and I hold up the flip cam and just kind of do a real casual interview. And the stuff that celebrities say, they are always amazed afterwards, going, ‘I can’t believe I just said that.'"
And McCarthy has no fears about material — she already has a slew of opinions on pop culture topics to get the conversations rolling. For instance, McCarthy is a huge fan of Beyoncé and denounces all of her haters. "She's awesome," McCarthy says. "She deserves to be a diva. She works really hard at it ... I love what she did at the Super Bowl. She completely deserved to completely wipe out all the lights. She just shined. [And] she just makes me think of female power. So when I see her standing there with her hands on her hips shaking it, going, 'I can be hot and I can also be strong,' it's an awesome combination to have."
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But then there are people like Chris Brown, who McCarthy just can't get behind. Frank Ocean may have forgiven Brown (who is known for beating up is girlfriend Rihanna) for allegedly punching him last week, but McCarthy knows that Brown will get what he deserves. "I’m a big believer in karma," she says. "You just have to sit back and watch it happen. The universe does not let you get away with stuff like that."
And Lindsay Lohan could even be up for discussion; the girl always seems to be involved in one controversy or another. "Lindsay keeps asserting herself, and that’s the sad part," McCarthy says. "When you see someone needing help and not being able to get it, it’s more sad than aggravating.”
McCarthy may even touch upon the more serious topics, like Justin Timberlake coming out with new music after all these years — and she is going to be honest about her thoughts. "I like it, [but] I don’t love it," she says. "I miss his 'Sexy Back' sound. I’d like him to bring his sexy back.”
RELATED: Jenny McCarthy Scores New VH1 Show
It's McCarthy's raw strategy that she feels will make her show a success. "If I’m not my authentic self, people will smell bulls*** a mile away," she says. "And I want to always carry that brand with me, being true to who I am and being true the audience."
“I’m so excited," McCarthy says. "I’m hoping people respond well to it because it’s something [I’ve] been waiting for, for so long.”
The Jenny McCarthy Show premieres Friday on VH1.
Follow Lindsey on Twitter @LDiMat.
[Photo Credit: Getty Images]
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Most of the time when I’m working you can find me sitting in a cubical, eating Skittles, and writing articles about the wide world of television. But sometimes, I’m the lucky girl in the sky-high heels who gets to attend red carpet premieres and network parties that are filled with so many pretty people that it almost hurts my eyes! Many of you know that the winter Television Critics Association is currently in full swing and for a TV enthusiast like me, it’s like I’m a kid in a candy store. But of course I have to do my best and be lady like, so my inner fan-girl feelings don’t frighten away the stars. Anyways, moving on! This week’s edition of Leanne’s Spoiler List is packed with juicy details from five phenomenal shows. I chatted with the lovely Naya Rivera of Glee to get Santana’s feeling on Bram, and gathered scoop on what’s next for Toby on Pretty Little Liars. I also hit up the premiere of Justified to find out what’s next for Harlan county’s biggest badasses and chatted with the stars of Suburgatory and Deception to snag spoilers from upcoming episodes. Read on for all the TV craziness below!
Glee: Is NYC Ready for Santana?
My Dearest Glee-bees: In the past year, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing every single cast member of Glee, except for the amazingly talented Naya Rivera. Every time I'd get close we'd run out of time. Sigh. However, on Tuesday night at the FOX semi-annual TCA all-star party, I was delighted to have the chance to finally talk with Rivera. Fun-Fact: She’s just as wonderful in person as you could imagine! And If you’re anything like me, then you desperately miss watching Santana singing on your TV screens each week. Well cheer up buttercup! Rivera told me that there is a lot coming up for our favorite fiery Latina. “She is actually doing big big things in the episode 'Diva' that we’re shooting right now.” Rivera says, “She gets to sing three songs. One of them is a Tina Turner powerhouse song, and then she has got some exciting news coming up. “ Hmm, any clue on what this “exciting news” could be Glee lovers?
Many fans are hoping that Santana will leave her cheerleading days in the past and move to The Big Apple with Rachel and Kurt to chase her dreams. So of course I made sure to ask if this brilliant idea could become a reality. The 25-year-old actress reveals, “I think it’s a very strong possibility.” All together now: Squee! And of course I couldn’t end our conversation without bringing up the newest couple to emerge in the Glee shipper-sphere: Bram — aka Brittany and Sam. Many people (this journalist included) can’t stand the idea of this new duo, so you can imagine my glee when Rivera told me how Santana feels about Brittany’s new beau. Rivera’s answer was short but sweet: “She hates it!” Any chance of a Santana/Sam smackdown? Rivera says with a coy laugh, “Maybe…” Well, my money is definitely on Santana!
2. Justified: Arlo Will Always Adapt
The FX hit Justified is finally back in our lives and if you missed Tuesday night’s season four premiere, you can catch up on all the Harlan drama right here! I had the pleasure of attending the Justified red carpet and premiere this past weekend where I chatted with the cast — and swooned over the handsomeness of Timothy Olyphant. (Hopefully he didn’t really notice when I caught a case of the fan-girl giggles...) One of my favorite characters is without a doubt Raylan’s law-avoiding father, so of course I had to talk with Raymond J. Barry about Arlo’s life behind bars this season. Barry says that just because Arlo is now in prison, it doesn't mean that he’s going to change his badass ways. “Arlo always has an ace up his sleeve," he says. "He’s a real survivor and he has very few tools except what he’s created for himself. No education, born in poverty — he learned how to survive as best he could, and if he’s in prison he’ll figure it out. That’s a whole other world, there’s a code of ethics and you learn how to do it.”
Barry also reveals that although Raylan is furious that Arlo took the fall for Boyd’s crime, their father/son relationship is not completely severed. Barry says, “They’re still talking. The thing is, Raylan doesn’t expect Arlo to change. It’s beyond that. And the environment is such that you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.” Barry says that Raylan and Arlo have very similar characteristics, it’s just that they chose different paths in life: “He chose the straight and narrow — he’s a cop, right? He gets paid for that and I get paid for what I do.”
3. Suburgatory: Oooh Barracuda!
You all know how I feel about Surburgatory: Basically if I could hug this show I would never ever let it go. So when I chatted on the phone with the amazing Cheryl Hines last week, I was thrilled to learn about all the Chatswin craziness that is coming up. Everyone knows that Dallas Royce and Sheila Shay are not exactly besties — in fact they usually can’t stand each other. Well fans had better start making their Team Dallas and Team Sheila shirts pretty soon, because there’s a musical battle headed to Suburgatory. Hines explains, “Well there is an episode coming up where George decides to star a garage band with the guys in the neighborhood. And you know Dallas thinks it’s very cute and George says no, it’s just a guy thing and we’re in the garage so we’re just playing with the guys.”
Of course, when is Dallas ever going to let a man tell her what to do? And then the trouble begins: “I walk in and Sheila Shay is signing “Barracuda” with the boys, and she’s really good! She basically tells me that I don’t need to be there and be the Yoko Ono of the group.” Oh snap! Hines continues, “So no we’re not making cookies together quite yet.” Looks like we still have a long way to go before we’re going to see Dallas and Sheila hanging out at the Chatswin Country Club together. At least there are going to be plenty of hilarious episodes in the meantime!
4. Deception: Not Just a “Who Done It?” Drama
Deception is the newest high-class murder mystery drama to hit NBC, and while it is very similar in tone to last year’s Revenge, it is still going to be a fun primetime soap opera to get hooked on. Especially because of the oh-so handsome Wes Brown, who dazzles in his scenes as Julian, the brother of the recently murdered deceased Vivian. I caught up with Brown at NBC’s TCA party earlier this week, and learned that he loves his character just as much as I do! “The Julian character — I mean, what’s not to love? He’s this mega-rich playboy who is a little too smart for his own good. It’s an intriguing character to play, and he’s nothing like myself in real life.” (Side-Note: Yep, that’s true. For example, Brown drives a Prius, not an Aston Martin like Julian. Hooray for the environment!)
The actor says that audiences are going to have fun trying to figure out all the mysterious of this Monday night drama. “I can’t wait for fans to see how much more there is to the series other than just the whodunnit of Vivian Bowers. To those who have only seen the pilot, there is so much more in the first season, and you’re going to be hooked.” Brown concludes, “All I can say is it’s an absolute roller coaster of a series.” If it’s anything like Revenge’s first season than you can bet I’ll be ready to watched every week at 10 pm sharp!
5. Pretty Little Liars: Terrifying Toby!
Pretty Little Liars is one of those shows that has it all: an always intriguing plot, hot boys, and wardrobe-inspiring fashion choices. (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve Googled Spencer’s shoes or Aria’s necklaces…) Now that the drama of Rosewood is back for the second half of season three, I sweet-talked my way into snagging some details from Executive Producer Oliver Goldstick. Fans were shocked Tuesday night, with a terrifying Toby fully embracing his black hoodie in the opening of the episode. That dark look in his eyes as he chased a skateboarding Lucas down the street was beyond intense, but Goldstick reminded me that we’ve seen that look once before. “I want you to look back. I wrote the third episode in the series and Toby was coming down that hallway when he returned to Rosewood, and that’s the same look on his face.”
Goldstick says fans need to think back to when we first met Toby, and why the four friends were so scared of him. “He was somebody who had a lot going on that he wasn’t revealing, and there’s a lot of mystery to this character," he says. "His relationship with Jenna, we’ve never met his parents — we don’t really know what goes on inside that house, and so we’ve always kept him as sort of an enigmatic character for a reason. I think now is the time to pay it off." Many fans like me are hoping that Toby is only pretending to be a member of the A Team in order to protect the liars and his lady love Spencer. However, when I suggested this speculation to Goldstick, the EP was quick to shoot it down. “Well that’s a fine theory, but I think you’re going to find in the next couple episodes that he may have been on this A side the whole time — and may have been infiltrating the pretty little liars. That’s what is more shocking and more devastating for our girls and especially Spencer. We explore that more in this season with this infiltration. It wasn’t the A Team, it was them.“ Nooo! Say it ain’t so, Toby!What do you think Santana’s “exciting news” will be on Glee? Looking forward to a new season of Justified? How do you think Spencer will feel when she finds the truth about Toby? Tell me everything in the comments below!
Follow Leanne on Twitter @LeanneAguilera
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There's a rule that every budding reporter, blogger, and underemployed Starbucks barista (only working there to pay for an internship at a fashion magazine) learns on the first day of journalism school: two is a coincidence, three is a trend. Well, who is going to be the third young female singer to hire a porn star to be in their video? Because we're really dying for this to be a trend.
First there is Taylor Swift, the squeaky clean Kennedy clan stalker who trades on her goody two-shoes reputation and songs based on her torrid love affairs with famous men. But there's a star in her latest video who isn't going to fall in love with her no matter what happens. Yes, it's a gay star. A gay porn star. Gay blog Queerty noticed that Mike de Marko, who made his last video appearance getting spanked and humiliated on Kink.com, appears in the party scene in Swift's video for "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." He's in this picture and at the 2:30 mark on the right-hand side of the dancing mob wearing a grey T-shirt and getting sprayed with glitter. (That seems appropriate for a gay porn star but is also probably a lot harder to clean than what he got sprayed with in his last movie. Seriously, glitter gets into everything.)
Not to be out done, and to prove how absolutely "adult" she is now, Miley Cyrus has hired porn star Jessie Andrews (winner of Best Actress at last year's Adult Video News Awards, the Oscars of the porn world) for her new video, according to TMZ. The video for "Decisions" (which sounds like the name of a cheap rehab facility) comes out later this week and also features a party scene with DJ Borgore, who brought Andrews, his girlfriend at the time, to the video shoot. It also features Miley's BF Liam Hemsworth dressed up like a unicorn, Miley wearing leather short shorts and jumping out of a cake, and a bunch of "club kids." Um, this sort of sounds exactly like a raunchy version of Swift's video (which also features guys in animal costumes, a party, and a porn star).
Anyway, we have two videos. Now who is going to be the third one to make it a trend? Can we expect Demi Lovato to get sex tips from Jenna Jameson? What about Selena Gomez dancing around with a bunch of Playboy bunnies? What about One Direction getting shirtless with an all-male gang-bang? That's probably the most likely. Watch for it soon! After all, porn connections are the hottest thing in music videos since "Friday" parodies.
Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan
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Johnny Depp, who? Don't you know it's Danny Trejo the ladies all go crazy for? At least, that seems to be the case in the upcoming Machete Kills, the follow-up to 2010's over-the-top revenge thriller Machete, which will feature Trejo crossing paths this time around with the stunning likes of Sofia Vergara, Jessica Alba, Lady Gaga, Zoe Saldana, Vanessa Hudgens, Alexa Vega, Michelle Rodriguez and bona fide fanboy fantasy girl Amber Heard (Zombieland, Pineapple Express, Drive Angry.) Some former Mexican Federales with an ax to grind have all the luck.
In a newly released still from the Robert Rodriguez action/exploitation caper, the 26-year-old actress — who has been making headlines more recently not for The Playboy Club, rather the rumors that she's dating her Rum Diary co-star — gets up close and personal with her other leading man here. In Machete Kills (which is slated for a 2013 release date) Heard plays beauty queen Miss San Antonio as Trejo's vigilante Machete looks to stop a madman and a billionaire this time around, one of whom is played by none other than Mel Gibson.
So, you can decide what's crazier, the overall concept of Machete Kills or the now-burned-in-your-brain image of a dolled-up Heard straddling Trejo. Check it out:
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Tonight is the first of the 2012 Presidential Debates between President Barack Obama and the Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney. The country will watch on — and learn things — as the two share their positions on domestic issues. While Obama and Romney answer important questions about health care, reproductive rights, and the state of the economy, we at Hollywood.com are staging debates of our own. Today, we decided to argue the subject of Taylor Swift's song, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." Writers Kelsea Stahler and Abbey Stone square off on this vital issue.
Opening Argument from Kelsea Stahler:
The hot debate over Taylor Swift’s latest song about an ex-boyfriend ignited when the Internet began to notice the remarkable resemblance between Adam Levine and the “never ever, ever, ever” again ex in Swift’s “We Are Never Getting Back Together” music video. Look, we can all admit this guy looks like he came straight from shooting the latest wind-blown promo for The Voice. I can just see him getting knocked over by Christina Aguilera’s impossibly platinum, hairspray-coated locks right now. But there’s a problem: Does anyone remember Taylor Swift dating Adam Levine at all, let alone long enough for her to leap into a tirade about never (ever, ever, ever) getting back together with him? To say the song is about Jake Gyllenhaal is a knee-jerk reaction: "It’s not this musician guy? Clearly, it’s the older, boring actor-man of the many sweaters and levels of beardedness." But nay. There is another possibility: John Mayer.
Let us look at the evidence:
1. The man in the video is clearly cooler than Gyllenhaal. Out all night at a club? John Mayer. Ignoring her during their morning coffee (when she clearly woke up early to get into that tiny little pin-up girl costume) so he can listen to his own album, the cover of which makes him look oh-so pensive and deep? John Mayer. A scarf with a T-shirt? Come on. John Mayer.
2. Swift confirmed that her song “Dear John” was about Mayer when she refused to deny that it was about Mayer back in 2010. Lyrics like “Don’t you think nineteen’s too young / To be played / By your dark, twisted games” and “Don’t you think I was too young / To be messed with / The girl in the dress / Cried the whole way home” certainly suggest a level of hurt that goes with the sort of adolescent heart break and stays with a girl, even after dating Beardy McGee. The kind of lingering hurt that would elicit the snap reaction: No way are we, like, ever, ever getting back together. No. Way.
3. Mayer recently went public with how “humiliated” he was by Swift’s song, saying he was made to feel “terrible” and that Swift’s practices were “cheap songwriting.” Yep. Those are the kinds of things you say right before you stay up until 2 AM drinking single malt scotch, reach for the phone, and start talking about how you want to give it another shot.
4. We all know Jake Gyllenhaal loves sweaters. Comfy, cozy sweaters. So why then, would the haven away from her ex Swift created in her music video basically be a giant sweater-lined apartment full of yarn-covered creature comforts? If anything, that’s a Gyllenhaal trap. Clearly, the only answer to the “who’s this song about” question is Mayer.
Opening Argument from Abbey Stone:
Taylor Swift's single "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" can be about no one except for Swift's ex-boyfriend Jake Gyllenhaal. This is supported by myriad evidence, including the timeframe during which the two dated, Gyllenhaal's reputation as a puppy dog, and the fact that Swift has said that she was inspired to write this song while in Nashville, a place where the two were spotted having coffee together. I will now address these points one at a time.1. Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal were first spotted together in October of 2010, and then dated for approximately four months before splitting in January 2011. Therefore, Swift's relationship with Gyllenhaal began after the release of her 2010 album Speak Now, and coincided with the period of time she spent writing her next album, Red. This makes their relationship fodder for her latest album, while previous boyfriends were reincarnated in Speak Now and before.
2. Swift has a long string of ex-boyfriends, including big names like Taylor Lautner, Joe Jonas, and John Mayer. Swift notoriously aired her gripes about Jonas (and his phone call breakup) in her song "Forever and Always," and Jonas recently told 94.7 Fresh FM radio, in reference to "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together," "I can say it's not about me, because I don't think we've ever tried another time." Lautner, meanwhile, has been credited with the inspiration for "Back to December," a rare song in which Swift is the dumper. She has then gone on to apologize for the way she treated Lautner — she has no anger towards him, only remorse. Mayer, meanwhile, is far too much of a playboy badass to go crawling back to a 20-year-old, begging to be taken back. Gyllenhaal, on the other hand, is Hollywood's sweetheart. He seems just nice enough to want to give a relationship with a butterflies and rainbows girl like Swift another (and another and another) go.
3. Lastly, Swift said in an interview on Good Morning America that the inspiration for "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" struck when she was recording her new album in Nashville. She said a friend of her ex's interrupted their session. "He starts talking about how he’s heard we were getting back together and that was not the case," said Swift. "When he leaves, [songwriters] Max [Martin] and Johan [Shellback] are like, ‘So what’s the story behind that?’ And so I start telling them the story of break-up, get back together, break-up, get back together, just, ugh, the worst.” And you know who was spotted spending time with Swift in Nashville? Gyllenhaal. After spending so much time in the city, it makes sense that Gyllenhaal would have friends there.
While the lyrics of the song may not reference Gyllenhaal directly, the circumstantial evidence is hard to argue with.
Rebuttal from Kelsea Stahler:
These are all great, valid points. But let us look again at the conversation Swift had when she decided to write the song. According to Swift, who spoke about the song’s inspiration during a webcast from Nashville, she was in the studio with two songwriters and a friend of her ex’s, which prompted her companions to float the idea that she was getting back together with this masked ex-boyfriend. “So I start telling them the story of break-up, get back together, break-up, get back together, just, ugh, the worst,” says Swift. Then they wrote the song. Now, Gyllenhaal is certainly more prone to this sort of back and forth, but let us think about how young Swift is. Listen to any of her songs, and it’s clear every little gesture speaks uncanny (almost worrisome) volumes to her, so we need not take the reality of that “back and forth” too seriously. Finally, the catalyst for the conversation is the ex’s friend. How likely is it that Gyllenhaal knows a music industry guy so connected he can just waltz in and out of recording sessions without question? Pretty unlikely. You know who does seem to be friends with every single musician and producer ever? (Even after he pissed everyone off with that image-killing Rolling Stone article?) Johnny Mayer.
Rebuttal from Abbey Stone:
Well argued, Kelsea. However, you seem to have made an argument for the wrong song. Based on your evidence, it is obvious that Swift wrote "Dear John" about John Mayer — those quotes you pull from Rolling Stone in your third point are of Mayer talking about "Dear John," not "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." So, that raises the question, why would Swift put so much anger and energy into writing another scathing review of her relationship with Mayer? The answer is simple: She wouldn't. She would, however, be willing to air her grievances about a new (at the time) relationship that left her feeling annoyed.
Closing Remarks from Kelsea Stahler:
The lyrics tell you all you need to know about the subject of this song. John Mayer is the only one of Swift's past boyfriends with a personality volatile enough to elicit all the "screaming" the song speaks of. And that "indie record cooler than mine" lyric seals the deal.
Closing Remarks from Abbey Stone:
Lyrics, shmyrics. For Swift, the circumstances are everything. And in this case, the timing and location all points to Gyllenhaal.
[Photo Credit: Big Machine]
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When it comes to the classic will they/won't they television couples (Jim and Pam, Sam and Diane, Mulder and Scully), one thing is certain before they eventually get together: There will be a lot of longing glances shared with unspoken declarations of love in their eyes.
And while New Girl's Jess and Nick follow a lot of the same rules that their googly-eyed television ancestors set for them (first and foremost, they're friends with an unmistakable, often flirtatious bond), they are doing something that sets them apart from the rest and breaking the mold: They talk. Like, actually talk, not in code. They talk like honest friends — who may or may not want to have sex with each other and secretly be in love — would talk.
Where others TV couples carefully play their cards close to the chest, Jess (Zooey Deschanel, earning her stripes as one of today's funniest primetime stars) and Nick (the cuter-by-the-week Jake Johnson) say exactly what they're feeling about each other. In fact, they probably say too much and they usually scream it at each other. If that's not true love, I don't know what is. Tonight was a big episode for Nick and Jess, though — sorry shippers — you probably didn't get what you were hoping for. Yet. It all started when Jess, new to the casual sex game, came to Nick for advice on how to use Sam (guest star David Walton) for his sole purpose. Coloring with crayons! Well, that and some hot NSA nookie. Panicked that she was going to ruin things for good with Sam after a ho-hum night together ("We laid there like two old people in The Notebook... waiting to die"), Schmidt suggests all the fellas in the loft take Jess on a date test run. Despite Nick's reservations and failed attempts at getting out of it (that zombie novel isn't going to write itself, people), Schmidt reminds him of an indisputable fact: "Friends help friends get meaningless sex." Only problem was, Schmidt didn't heed his own friend code and ditched the "date" to hit up the club/stalk Cece with Winston by his side. (But more on that in a bit!) That left a va-va-va-voom-y Jess and a very Nick-y Nick ("This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with") alone for the evening at a nice restaurant. Their banter was effortless, fun, and flirty. ("He's got a job, too? Poke a hole in that condom.") Their drinks, flowing and free... because Jess packed a cooler filled inexplicably with white wine. It was everything a great date should be. Only, at the end of a truly great date, the two people tend to have sex with each other, not take off to boink a boneheaded hottie named Sam. After a satisfying night of said boinking, Jess asks Nick to go with her to Ikea. (Have these two learned absolutely nothing from other sitcom couples?) Something is very wrong with this picture, indeed. Only neither Jess, nor Nick notice it. Winston, however, does. See! He serves a purpose on this show! Sort of. Winston quickly advises Nick that he has become Jess' emotional fluffer. Hence the title of this episode, "Fluffer." Nick wines (well, she provides the wine) and dines (well, at least the "Add Onions" portion of the menu) while Jess and Sam reap all the benefits. It's an unnerving realization that leads the friends to have their worst fight yet. There was no cute butt shaking here. In fact, that only thing that went below the belt were their digs at one other. After Nick complained about his role in Jess' life as a "boyfriend without the rewards," there was no stopping either of them. Jess told Nick that though she hates his cheapness and his uncanny ability to sigh about everything, she has thought about him in the boyfriend way before. (It was, as it turns out, when Nick was having something of a mental breakdown while talking to a bowl of peanuts at his bar. It was also, as it turns out, one of the funniest flashbacks this show has done to date.) Still, after a night of self-loathing for Nick — and Jess' terrible actual date with Sam — the two emerged from their corners. Nick, despite being told otherwise by Winston, put together Jess' new Ikea dresser. Not because he loves her, but because, as he put it, "It's like high stakes Legos." The two friends have an honest and sincere chat about what exactly their blurry relationship/friendship is and establish some rules. That they can be two friends attracted to each other with no consequences who set their own rules. While that plan will likely fall spectacularly apart, I'll give Nick and Jess and the New Girl writers credit: They are certainly breaking the rules and it's about damn time. Alas, this wasn't an episode focused entirely on the fate and future of Nick and Jess. Schmidt, still clearly harboring feelings for Cece and her "memory foam" breasts, has become the new and improved Barney Stinson. (Which is good, too, considering the How I Met Your Mother characters have become all but insufferable.) In addition to his ongoing quest to become Kanye West's new BFF, Schmidt also pretended to be the (fictional) son of GOP candidate Mitt Romney: Tag/Tug Romney. It didn't take long for Schmidt Romney to be figured out by a group of sorority girls, but we figured out something new about Schmidt last night: He, like fellow sitcom playboy Barney Stinson, has some daddy issues, too. Schmidt opened up about how his father abandoned him and started a new family, causing him to always look for a father figure. Don't worry, Max Greenfield, maybe the Emmys won't get it wrong next year. Oh yeah, and Winston (and apparently his girlfriend, Shelby) was still there, too. Some of the other best lines from "Fluffer": "It's after Labor Day. I'm wearin' whales!" —Schmidt, bustin' out his Kanye-inspired whale belt"Befriending Kanye is the most efficient way for me to jump social strata." —Schmidt"I took Winston with me to prove I can be friends with black people." —Schmidt, about Winston. (So that's what he's on the show for!)"Whoa, I forget what you look like when you're not dressed like a loft troll." —Nick, to Jess on their "date" "I'm sure it's like the real Olympics, only the white people win the sprints." —Schmidt, thinking about the Romney Olympics "Nickels are worse than no money!" —Jess, to serial crappy tipper Nick "Being brown, you have the wisdom of a thousand white women." —Schmidt to his goddess Cece"No picnics, no mini muffins, no Adele" —Winston, on things platonic male and female friends cannot shareBonus best moment(s): Nick's "sexy mix," which includes Paul Simon's "Call Me Al," and the fact that he ties his robe together with an actual rope. Jess, if you don't snag him up, I will. What did you think of last night's episode of New Girl? Are you still holding out for Nick and Jess despite how they defined their friendship? How about Schmidt and Cece? Didn't the fact that she served no real purpose in the episode than to reconnect with Schmidt (with no new boyfriend in sight) means they're bound to be back within the next few episodes? Share your thoughts in the comments section below. [Photo credit: Fox]
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Wunderland: Following the (success?) of their upcoming series Beauty and the Beast, the CW folks are developing a contemporary drama based on Alice in Wonderland. The show will focus on a young female detective in Los Angeles, who discovers that there is another world that exists underneath this Godless city. The Playboy Club creator Chad Hodge will pen the script, and executive produce with McG and and Peter Johnson. [Deadline]
Criminal Justice: Tony Soprano will return to HBO! Well, sort of. James Gandolfini has taken on a starring role in Criminal Justice — a crime drama project based on a British hit — that has officially been given a pilot order. Gandolfini will play jailhouse lawyer Jack Stone, and the show will be loosely based on its British counterpart, which chronicled the experiences of people charged with murder as they made their way through the justice system. Color us intrigued. [Deadline]
The Vampire Diaries: An Olympic champion is headed to Mystic Falls! Gabby Douglas announced her TVD fandom to the world this summer, and her loyalty has paid off — she is currently in Atlanta, filming an episode. The episode is slated to air Nov. 29, and she will not be playing herself. [THR]
Homeland: Looks like an Oscar winner is joining a surefire soon-to-be Emmy winner! F. Murray Abraham will recur on Homeland later this season as Dar Adul, a "brilliant intelligence operative in his 60-70’s. He has worked all over the world for the Special Activities Division of the CIA.” [EW]
Big Brother: "But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother." (In news that is surprising to no one, Big Brother has been renewed for a 15th season. Quote courtesy of George Orwell.) [Deadline]
Rachael Ray: Historical landmark Regis Philbin is set to recur on Rachael Ray. He'll show up once a month and do... something. [Deadline]
Tosh.0: Daniel Tosh's hit series has been picked up for a whopping 30-episode fifth season. The show regularly attracts more viewers than any other show on the network, so this one was pretty much a given for Comedy Central. [THR]
Follow Shaunna on Twitter @HWShaunna
[PHOTO CREDIT: DailyCeleb.com]
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Salt Lake City's famous NBC affiliate KSL is at it again. Last year they banned The Playboy Club for being too titillating for its viewers (really, it should have been banned for being a smudge on the good reputation of the Playboy Bunny). Now the station has banned The New Normal, Ryan Murphy's new sitcom about a gay couple, the woman they hire to carry their surrogate baby, Ellen Barkin as her conservative grandmother, and NeNe Leakes as...well, NeNe Leakes.
"From time to time we may struggle with content that crosses the line in one area or another," Jeff Simpson, CEO of Bonneville International (which owns KSL) told the Salt Lake Tribune. "The dialogue might be excessively rude and crude. The scenes may be too explicit or the characterizations might seem offensive... For our brand, this program feels inappropriate on several dimensions, especially during family viewing time." You know, he might be on to something here. Why should we stop at denying viewers the choice whether or not to tune into a show when we should just get rid of it altogether? That would make this a much better country! Here are 10 other shows that should be barred from the airwaves. Sure, we might have a little bit less fun, but it's what we need for this great nation of ours to survive, especially during family viewing time. Animal Practice: I'm sorry, but evolution is only a theory. It is crazy to think that people came from monkeys, but to think that a monkey could be a doctor? Well, that's sacrilege and should not be tolerated. House Hunters: Remember when the mortgage crisis nearly collapsed the economy? Well, maybe there wouldn't be so many new home owners if this show didn't make it seem like so much fun. And it's filmed in Canada where they have universal health care. Socialists. Once Upon a Time: Do all those fairy tale characters have their green cards? Why are they working here and taking American jobs? That is just not fair. The Big Bang Theory: This show is fine, but it really needs a name change. What are the creationists going to think? Dancing with the Stars: Have you seen what those women wear? I have handkerchiefs that are bigger than their skirts. And then men touch them! Oh! Pretty Little Liars: Lying is bad for you. So is texting. And ghosts. The Mob Doctor: Glorifying gang violence! Not on my watch. Raising Hope: Serial killers should not be encouraged to have such cute babies. Also, continuously forcing Cloris Leachman to work is elder abuse. The Good Wife: Divorce shouldn't be nearly as glamorous as Alicia Florrick makes it seem. And what is this about her going back to work? What, isn't being a mom enough? Teen Mom: Duh. Follow Brian Moylan on Twitter @BrianJMoylan [Photo Credit: Trae Patton/NBC] More: First Look: Ryan Murphy's Sitcom 'The New Normal' Ryan Murphy's 'The New Normal' Protested by One Million Moms

When a man tries to force himself on new club bunny Maureen, Playboy Club regular Nick comes to her aid, but the man is accidentally killed in the process. Nick tells Maureen the man was a powerful mobster, and together they cover up the death, but soon people are looking for the missing man.

Episode 2. The Scarlett Bunny
(AIR DATE 09/26/2011)

The bunnies go into a tizzy when they learn that Playboy magazine will be scouting them for a place on its cover, but the contest brings up dark secrets from some of the girls' pasts.

Episode 3. A Matter of Simple Duplicity
(AIR DATE 10/03/2011)

Doris joins the club as a new bunny, but she has plans beyond what she reveals. Nick joins a political race, and his campaign manager sets him up with a more "proper" girl, angering Carol-Lynne.