When I began blogging, I did it for my own enjoyment and to collect together information I was interested in, which I thought might be useful later. I have always been interested in the truth, something that is hard to find in adoption sometimes. That lack of honesty and truthfulness, the flirtation with lies, red herrings and falsified ‘facts’ is present right through adoption, often from a time sometime prior to our conception right through our lives in one form or another. We might have been a late discovery adoptee, a never told adoptee, an adoptee with falsified records, ‘burnt’ records, an adoptee who thinks their mother is their sister and so on and on. I doubt there is an adoptee alive who can’t find an example somewhere if they look carefully. I have had non-adoptees tell me it doesn’t matter, to forget it because they believe adoption wipes out any need to know the truth of our history, our beginnings, our identity and our relatives. I have had adoptees tell me it doesn’t mater once you are saved and adopted by god. I’ve had adopters instruct me to live a useful life and speak well of adoption because they don’t they understand that adoption has many facets, is complicated and lasts a lifetime. I have had people who don’t like to hear the truth make assumptions about my life, how I live it and suggest how I should and what I should do about my pain, my anger and my bitterness! I find those suggestions astonishing for a number of reasons a) they have assumed things about me which aren’t true or relevant b)they assume they somehow have the right to judge me and to tell me what to do c) they believe they know better about my life than I do d) they have the cheek to treat me rudely in a way they wouldn’t others e)they make assumptions that I have not dealt with or deal with my emotional health f) they do not know my history
I also write when others invite me to contribute if I feel I have something to offer. That may be a blog post or a book, an article or some other publication and I’ve been doing that for many decades on various topics and areas of interest. I’ve also been part of radio and TV programs and my family fondly remember the time I was involved in a setting up the first voluntary project for assisting carers of those with dementia and was interviewed about my work. My daughter, a toddler at the time, held out her arms to the TV when the interview was shown and called “Mummy!” puzzled at how I was in two places at once it seemed! I have very much enjoyed that part of my life and keep in contact with what I find relevant and important through the social media. My Kindle is always well loaded with books waiting to be read and I make use of podcasts, online courses, lectures and information sources. There is always much to do and in between is the adopted life to process, examine and learn from. Members of my family are actively engaged in work with adults and children and discussions about ethics, process and methods can be lively and enthralling. Every member of my family, wider family, is or has been engaged in service to others in one form and another. I say that not to be boastful, although I am proud of them, but to indicate that when someone tells me to ‘get a life’ and not be bitter, angry or in pain, it says much more about them than it can ever say about me. I have had a rich, full, interesting and fulfilled life and it’s not over yet! Those who insist that any adoptees who speaks of adoption in anything other than glowing terms is ‘bashing adoption’,’whining, complaining, and hating’ needs to understand that adoption is complicated, multi-faceted and adoptees are better for hearing and speaking the truth about those aspects some would rather not know, believe or deal with. They are the deniers, the holders of untruths, the promulgators of myths and the ostrichs of adoptionland, who appear to have not been able to muster the courage to face truth, what is ethical and just and what keeps adoptees in the fog, befuddled, confused and often bemused, angry or outraged. Genuine reactions to the pathology of adoption and to adoptism. Adoption is complicated and very scary, it is frightening to realise, fully comprehend and accept the injustices, the corruption, the lack of ethics, the deliberate lies, agendas and goals of some of those who have influence, power, money and control. I don’t blame anyone for wanting to look away, to say they don’t want to know or to want to wear the rose-tinted glasses for a bit longer. However to deny the truth, to say those who seek and tell the truth, lie, does no-one any favours and can only do damage. We seem to have had more than enough of that already in adoption! More power to those who write and tell the truth and who gain in numbers and strength every day. Happy New Year!