Threesome

I love my brother, but he can be a real dumbass sometimes. Like, one day, this girl I know named Livvy was walking home from school, when she saw my brother and his friend Ryan. Those last two call themselves the Dudes, after that movie about the hippie who bowls? Anyways, my brother told her, he said “Hey, little lady! Wanna join us for a threesome?” Oh, she’s twelve, and the Dudes are eighteen. So Livvy, she went home and Googled “threesome” and freaked out, then told her parents everything, and her parents, they freaked out and then called the cops. So the Dudes, they had a little talk with the cops, separately. Ryan said all that threesome shit was my brother’s idea, while my brother said it was all Ryan’s. But they both said they were just joking around, that they didn’t go for young girls. So as it turned out, neither of them got arrested or nothing, maybe ’cause they’re white and Livvy’s black, which sucks—not her race, my boyfriend’s black by the way, but the whole thing sucks ’cause the Dudes, like, didn’t go to jail and get beaten or waterboarded or whatever happens to pedophiles behind bars, even fake pedophiles. Maybe a little of that rough treatment would have worked wonders. I really don’t care about Ryan, but my brother, he needs some of the dumbass-ness knocked out of him if he doesn’t wanna end up with life without parole for being a dick. My family, like, values its reputation.