Clitoral & Vulva Massage

From the book Masters and
Johnson on Sex and Human Loving,
Copyright 1982, 1985, 1986 William H. Masters, M.D.,
Virginia E Johnson, and Robert C. Kolodny, M.D.

A Valuable Skill

Clitoral massage is an
excellent skill to have at your disposal when making love to a woman. While most
couples engage in a little diddling of the vulva and clitoris prior to
intercourse, few would consider making it the main course. If you really want to
impress your female partner, consider making her the center of attention by
giving her a clitoral massage.

Couples with temporary and
permanent physical disabilities can employ clitoral massage. Pregnant women may
experience an increased desire for sex and orgasm but find themselves unable to
engage in vaginal intercourse. Partners with paralyses may not be able to
perform the physical motions required of intercourse. Men who are impotent may
still desire to give their partner sexual pleasure and orgasm. Teens and adults
who are not ready to have vaginal intercourse can still give each other sexual
pleasure. It is important to realize that sex can exist in the absence of an
erection and intercourse.

Locating Her
Clitoris

The first requirement of
clitoral massage is knowing where your partner's
clitoris is, and what it looks like and what it feels like when flaccid and
erect. The only way to learn these things is to go exploring. With the lights
on, have your partner undress; she may want to wear a comfortable shirt. She
should then lay on a bed, sit in a chair, or sit on the bed while reclining on
some pillows placed against the headboard. Make sure that you have easy access
to her vulva while ensuring you are both comfortable. Sit or kneel so you are
facing her, usually off to one side. If she is sitting in a chair or at the end
of the bed, you may want to sit in a chair or kneel on the floor. You can also
have her sit between your legs, both of you facing the same direction. You need
to get close to the subject at hand. You may also want to have a light close by,
or a flashlight, to illuminate her vulva so as to be able to see everything
clearly. You will also want to have a small handheld or freestanding mirror
available so your partner can see her vulva and clitoris, and what you are
doing.

Start by examining her
vulva as it looks normally, with her outer labia at rest. Gently examine
everything with your fingers. Caress versus poke. Notice the softness of her
skin and pubic hair and the color and texture of her skin. Caress her vulva with
the flat of your hand, your fingers molding to her body. If your partner has a
lot of pubic hair, you may want to trim it with scissors. There is no need to shave the pubic area. Then gently spread the outer labia with your fingers, examine
what lies within. Identify her inner labia, clitoris, and urinary and vaginal
orifices. She can also assist by holding her outer labia open with one or both
hands.

If you cannot identify her
clitoris, ask her if she knows where it is and can point it out to you. Because
of the vast variations in genital anatomy, some individual structures may not be
easily identifiable, for men as well as women. There are women who do not have
inner labia, or have only one. A well-developed clitoris will be easy to see,
but many are so small and hidden by surrounding tissue that a woman may only
know where it is by knowing where it is most sensitive to her touch, where she
rubs while masturbating. If you both have trouble locating the clitoris, look at
the illustrations on the Anatomy pages.

Once you locate her
clitoris, try to identify all it's different parts: shaft\body, glans, and
hood\prepuce. Depending on the size and tightness of her hood you may not be
able to retract it far enough to expose the clitoral glans. If this is the case,
you may be able to feel it under her hood. If her glans is small, you may only
be able to detect the shaft of her clitoris when she is erect, but not the glans
itself. There are shafts that are very thin and hard to detect. In this case,
you may only be able to identify it when you feel it become erect between your
fingertips. She may be able to tell you when you have grasped her clitoral glans
in your fingertips if you are not able to feel it. Be very gentle when examining
her clitoris, most are extremely sensitive.

Watch and Learn

The next step for
beginners or as a warm-up for the experienced is for your partner to masturbate
to orgasm. She should go slowly at first, demonstrating her different strokes,
the amount of pressure applied, and frequency of her strokes. This is so you can
get an understanding for what she likes and is most responsive too. It will take
lots of practice and repeated masturbation sessions for you to become as good at
masturbating her as she is. Her masturbating to orgasm before you begin the
massage helps to put her in the mood and makes her more responsive to additional
sexual stimulation. There are women who find their genitals overly sensitive
after orgasm, so you may need to gently massage other areas of her body for
several minutes before you begin or continue the clitoral massage. Some women
are only able to have one orgasm in the beginning, so go slow and just try to
make her feel good if you discover this is true for your partner. If your
partner is reluctant to masturbate in your presence, this is perfectly okay and
is not a requirement. Suggest it, but do not place any pressure on her.

To the women reading this
please rest assured that masturbating in front of your partner is perfectly
normal, a lot of women do it. Masturbation is not just a solo activity. Women
are very beautiful when they masturbate and share their orgasms with their
partner. You cannot do it wrong or make a fool of yourself. You will not lose
any of the intimacy you experience when you masturbate alone. I believe most
people know their partner masturbates, so you are not going to shock them by
admitting to it, they most likely masturbate too. If you maintain eye contact
with your partner while masturbating, I think you will be blown away by the
experience.

Clitoral
Sensitivity, and Lubrication

You know where her
clitoris is, so now what you ask? Well, first I must mention clitoral
sensitivity and the possible need for additional lubrication. The sensitivity of
the clitoris varies greatly from woman to woman. There are women who experience
pain if their clitoris is touched directly, others do not find their clitoris
sensitive to touch at all. Others may require a very light touch in the
beginning but need a firmer touch the closer they are to reaching orgasm. It is
best to start out with a very light touch then slowly increase the amount of
pressure as you see her become more aroused. Watch her body movements and listen
to the noises she makes to see if you are applying too much pressure or not
enough. Be careful, you almost never want to squeeze the clitoris tightly,
perhaps firmly, but almost never aggressively. A few women may enjoy a firm
squeeze at the point of orgasm, but talk to her about this before actually
trying it. She will either see stars, or smack you across the head. Ticklishness
can be an indication of nervousness or too light of a touch; have her breath
deeply and relax.

Depending on the
sensitivity of your partner's clitoris and the amount of natural lubrication,
you may need to apply additional lubrication before beginning the massage. Try
it without at first, but if she pulls away or reports she is too sensitive, or
feels nothing, apply a generous coating of lubrication to her entire vulva. Use
water-based lubricants like K-Y Jelly. (Use of petroleum-based lubricants can
result in infection.) You can also use the new silicone sexual lubricants; NOT
the type used to lubricate cars etc. When you first try clitoral massage have
additional lubrication on hand just in case. You will almost never want to touch
her clitoral glans directly without your finger(s) being lubricated, but this
may not be a part of the massage in any event.

You may also want to
consider wearing latex or vinyl gloves. They will make your fingers very slick,
which will come in handy if your partner's clitoris is extremely sensitive, or
if you have rough skin on your fingers. They also come in handy if you insert
your finger(s) into her vagina during the massage, fingernails can scratch the
vaginal walls. Most pharmacies carry vinyl and latex gloves and are an
inexpensive over the counter item.

Maintain Physical
Contact

Always maintain physical
contact with the person receiving the massage once you begin. It is very
disruptive of the physical bond that develops if you take both hands off her
body at the same time, and placing them back can be somewhat of a shock. With
practice you may become aware of the sexual energy that flows between you and
your partner. Sounds strange, but it is true. Have everything you need within
reach of your free hand. It is also a good idea to touch her knee, then slide
your hand up to her inner thigh, then finally her up to her vulva, so as not to
penetrate her personal space too quickly. Placing your cold hands directly on
her vulva may be a shock and ruin the mood. Warm, in a bowl of warm water, any
lubricant you may use prior to applying them to her vulva.

Basic Techniques

You will be massaging her
clitoris using one, two, or three fingers. The size and prominence of her
clitoris will determine how many fingers you use. If you are able to locate and
feel her clitoral shaft with your fingers, you will use your thumb and index
finger. If she has a well-developed clitoris you may want to use your thumb,
your index finger, and the finger next to that. If you cannot grasp the shaft
and glans of her clitoris because it is small or hidden, you will use just the
tip of your index finger, or perhaps your thumb.

If you can grasp her
clitoris with two or three fingers you will want to do the following. Very
gently grasp the shaft of her clitoris with your thumb and index finger. Gently
slide the loose tissue covering her clitoris around, primarily back and forth,
getting a feel for the shape and firmness of her clitoris. Determine how much
the tissue along her shaft slides around. You do not want to grasp the glans at
first if possible; if her clitoris is small you will not be able to avoid it. As
you slide your fingers back and forth along her shaft, the hood should also be
sliding back and forth, stimulating her glans. Go slow and watch your partner
for indications of whether or not she is enjoying what you are doing. Try to
maintain eye contact with her if possible, or as much as possible. If you cannot
tell by body language, then ask her if what you are doing feels good. Ask her
whether you should be going slower or faster, or applying a firmer or lighter
touch. After you make the suggested change, ask again. If she does not know,
just experiment but keep communicating.

Illustration by Mia Jennings

If you cannot grasp her
clitoris, you will want to place the tip of your index finger on top of her
clitoral body or hood. Experimentation will indicate which is most sensitive.
You will want to gently move the tissue under your finger around in small
circles, or back and forth to stimulate her clitoris. Hopefully you will feel
the firm structures of her clitoris under your fingertip, when she is aroused
and erect, even if her clitoris is really small and hidden.

Continue to stroke her
clitoris. If she is enjoying what you are doing just continue in a steady
rhythm. As she becomes more and more aroused you may want to slowly and gently
increase the amount of pressure you are applying, but always be gentle. The
speed of your strokes can vary to, very slow in the beginning, then possibly
faster as she nears orgasm. Your fingers should always be grasping the loose
skin covering the body of her clitoris, causing it to slide back and forth along
the shaft. Continue until she reaches orgasm. As soon as she has an orgasm
switch to a very very light stroke, as her clitoris is likely to be very
sensitive, or move your fingers to her labia. After a couple minutes you can
begin again or stop. Never stop the massage abruptly unless she reports she is
too sensitive to touch, in which case caress her vulva or inner labia for few
minutes. Maintain physical contact as she comes down from her orgasm.

Pleasure Yes - Orgasm
Maybe

She may experience orgasm
quickly and easily, but this may not always be the case. It will take practice
and time for you both to get comfortable with this technique. You will want to
limit the massage periods to 15-20 minutes if she does not experience orgasm
initially. Make her feel good, but do not irritate her clitoris or strain
yourself. You both need to be relaxed. If your partner is really enjoying
herself but does not experience orgasm within 15-20 minutes, you can continue
the massage for another 10-25 minutes, as long as you are both comfortable with
it. Be careful not to make this a tedious act, if either of you become
uncomfortable or frustrated it will ruin the moment and the sexual bond
necessary for it to be a pleasant experience for both of you. If she does not
experience orgasm and is very aroused, switch to a sexual activity that you know
will result in orgasm. If she is only able experience orgasm while masturbating,
allow her to do so, even if you must leave the room. If she is happy to just
cuddle, that is okay too.

Sexual Fantasy

During the massage it may
be necessary for the woman to be fantasizing about something sexual. It may be
best if she does not think about the massage itself. If she does find that she
needs to fantasize, she should try to have the same fantasy as when masturbating
alone. She will probably need to close her eyes for this as her partner's
presence may distract her. This will be easier to do if the massage feels
pleasurable, if not she should provide guidance until her partner discovers a
technique that works for her.

Stimulating the
Clitoral Glans

Depending on the
sensitivity of her clitoral glans you may want to stimulate it directly, or
indirectly through the hood. If her hood covers her glans, you can gently grasp
the glans through her hood with your thumb and index finger. There are women who
have a clitoral glans that is always fully or partial exposed. Depending on its
sensitivity, you may be able to apply the tip of your finger directly to the
glans, sliding it across the surface, using a very light touch and lots of
lubrication. If a woman's hood does not cover her glans, massaging the body of
her clitoris by grasping the loose tissue there may not provide sufficient
stimulation to the glans; in this case try direct stimulation. Some women cannot
retract their hood to expose the glans, but if you place your finger at the
opening to her hood and massage her clitoral glans, she may experience greater
stimulation.

Vaginal and Anal
Massage

You can provide a vaginal
massage while you are giving a clitoral massage. While one hand stimulates her
clitoris, the other can be used to stimulate her vagina. By inserting your
finger into her vagina, and stimulating the top of her vaginal wall, pointing
your finger toward her pubic bone, you can stimulate her G-spot, urethral sponge. The finger movement for G-Spot stimulation is the same as that
when indicating to a person that is across the room that you want them to come
to you, the palm of your hand facing up, creating a hook with your index finger.
This can produce very strong orgasms and pronounced ejaculations of fluid from
the urethra. You can explore the vagina and locate areas that are sensitive to
digital stimulation, or she may simply enjoy the feeling of something being in
her vagina, not moving at all, or very slowly. Caress the vaginal walls; do not
just thrust your fingers in and out. You can insert more than one finger
depending on her flexibility and desire to be filled. You can employ the use of
dildos of different sizes and shapes. You can also insert your entire hand into
her vagina, which is commonly called fisting, which can result in a very strong sexual response from her.
This is often much easier for female couples, as they usually have smaller hands.
Fisting is an advanced skill that takes a lot of practice and sensitivity; a
woman must open up for the fist rather than her partner pushing or forcing their
fist inside her body.

You can also incorporate anal
massage. Initially this entails massaging the outside of the anus, no
penetration. There are women who are more responsive to anal massage than
vaginal massage, or they find the combination to be very intense and enjoyable.
After massaging her anus for several minutes you can insert the tip of one
finger, moving it slowly in and out. After her anus relaxes you can insert your
entire finger, then more fingers if she so desires. A finger used to stimulate
her anus should never be used to stimulate her vulva and vagina afterwards
because of bacteria present in her rectum. The use of vinyl or latex gloves will
allow you to switch back and forth, as long as you change the glove before
switching from anus to vulva. Once her anus relaxes, you can insert a butt plug
or a dildo with a flared base.

Basic Massage Tips

A good way to start off a
clitoral massage is by giving a full body massage. Spend an hour warming up to
the clitoral massage. This will help stimulate and awaken the nerves of the body
and help both partners to relax. Use only a light gliding touch for this type of
massage. Press down lightly with the flat of your hand, your fingers molding to
the shape of her body. Never squeeze, something most people do while giving a
massage. If you find an area of tightness, apply a light pressure while moving
your hand(s) in a circular or back and forth motion. You want to slowly and
gently dissipate the tightness, but do not spend a lot of time trying to release
the tightness during an erotic massage. Start on the back of the body, at the
head, and work your way towards her feet, have her roll over and do her front,
from her feet up, never breaking the physical contact. Do not massage her breast
or genitals until the very end. After massaging her head, facial muscles, work
your way down to her vulva, stopping at her breasts and nipples along the way.
Then begin the clitoral massage. For the massage turn the heat up and play some
soft relaxing music. If she should fall asleep this indicates she is tired and
needs to recharge. Let her take a nap or sleep through the night. If this occurs
on a Friday or Saturday night, continue the massage in the morning. I recommend
couples buy regular massage books, not erotic massage books as technique is more
important than sexy pictures. A regular massage will be erotic if done
correctly. While good ones are expensive, massage tables are great to have,
especially if the person giving the massage cannot sit, or bend their knees, for
any length of time. They also provide easy access to the person receiving the
massage.

General Comments

What I have presented here
are basic guidelines to help a couple get started with clitoral massage. The
intent of clitoral massage is to make her clitoris the center of attention.
Since her clitoris is most likely her primary sexual organ, besides her mind,
she is likely to find this sexual act very conducive to sexual pleasure and
orgasm. Since women's bodies and mental makeup vary greatly it is impossible for
me to explain "how-to" for every couple. The only sure way for couples
to figure out how to give and receive a clitoral massage is through open minds
and practice. I have had women respond very favorably to this massage technique
within a few minutes, but this may not be the case for all. Practice makes
perfect.

Not Always the
Secret

There are women who find
their clitoris is too sensitive or totally insensitive to touch. They are
perfectly normal. If you try clitoral massage and give it a fair try and it does
not work, move on. Perhaps vaginal and/or anal massage may be pleasurable for
her.

You can read my review and order the following DVD about vulva massage

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