“The sprawling living room has tons of built-ins and a wet bar in the corner that can be hidden behind sliding doors, so when you want the party to be over, you can just slam the bar doors closed and stand there with your arms crossed until everyone takes the hint.”

The listing for this Berkley gem stresses that living here is like being on a permanent vacation. Okay then, so constantly rummaging through drawers and cupboards while shouting, “where’s the piece of paper with the wi-fi password?!” and pretending to admire sunsets while actually thinking about work? Ha ha, I kid, I kid. This house is nestled among trees in a secluded corner of tiny Foxhall Village; it’s as close as you’ll get to authentic country living without actually having to live more than twenty minutes away from the nearest Trader Joe’s. (“More than 20 minutes away from Trader Joe’s” is my personal definition of ‘rural.’)

You approach the house by going up a long, winding driveway; up here it’s just you and one other house which, I’m not going to lie, is sort of weird considering it’s just you two up here. It’s the real estate equivalent of when you’re in an empty Metro car late at night and someone sits right next to you. I’d advise you to start saving up now to buy the other house and connect it to yours via skybridge, because that’s certainly what they’re planning to do. Then again, my house literally shares walls with the house on either side of me, and I never see or hear my neighbors, so yeah. Maybe I’m overreacting.

You enter into a vaulted, bright entryway that faces a spiral staircase where your future teenagers will take posed photographs before prom. The sprawling living room has tons of built-ins and a wet bar in the corner that can be hidden behind sliding doors, so when you want the party to be over, you can just slam the bar doors closed and stand there with your arms crossed until everyone takes the hint. There’s also a bright formal dining room that’s perfect for airing your family grievances through passive-aggressive remarks about how “the chicken seems dry.” Further on is the chef’s kitchen, which features high-end Thermador appliances, birdseye maple cabinets, and two sinks, which might seem excessive, but totally isn’t if you’ve ever gotten into a full-blown argument with your significant other that started when you tried to get a glass of water from the sink while they were in the middle of washing dishes. There’s also a warming drawer in the kitchen, which I’ll tell you right now and without shame is where my socks would be going every winter morning before work.

The kitchen opens onto the huge outdoor deck via a row of custom doors, and from out there you can see all the way to the Georgetown Reservoir. It’s actually a three-level deck, so if you have a party, you can group everyone by tiers based on how much you like them, from “we work together, I have no choice but to pretend” to “we had a lot in common – 20 years ago!” to “if we didn’t have a child together, I literally wouldn’t even be Facebook friends with you.”

Upstairs, the owner’s suite features a legit sitting room with built-ins, tons of windows, and access to a private deck. There’s also an awesome dressing room/walk-in closet that looks like it’s straight out of the Scott Disick episode of”MTV Cribs.” (Is that a compliment? You decide.) The master bath has heated floors (heated floors are my personal dividing line between “very nice” and “legit luxury”), a soaking tub, a glass-walled shower, and side-by-side twin basins. The lower level features a huge (but still cozy) family room with a really cool custom fireplace and a support beam in the middle of the room that’s been covered with mirrored panels to make it basically invisible. I’d suggest never Windexing it, so it stays greasy and fingerprinted and visible, otherwise toddlers and Grandmas are going to be running into it face-first every time you host holiday dinners at your house.