Login

Published Wednesday June 24th, 2009 at 12:22am

Reunions
of adopted children and their birth parents are usually heartwarming
moments in which tears flow and broken bonds are made whole in mere
seconds.

At least that's how it usually plays out on "Oprah."

But that wasn't the case last Dec. 13, when an Atlantic City woman
came face to face with the daughter she placed for adoption 30 years
ago after being raped.

This short reunion on the woman's doorstep left her feeling
"violated, in shock, and short of breath," according to a lawsuit filed
Thursday in U.S. District Court, in Camden, and she believes that a
division of New Jersey's Department of Children and Families helped set
up the traumatic event.

"Everyone would like to believe that these reunions are so
wonderful," said attorney Matthew Weisberg. "This one wasn't. They
didn't have coffee together. My client went pale. She is devastated and
continues to be devastated because her biological child continues to
attempt contact with her."

According to the complaint, the woman - whose name is being withheld by the Daily News
- received a letter from the Division of Youth and Family Services in
August 2008 saying that an adopted adult was seeking information about
her birth parents. DYFS asked her to confirm her identity and whether
she wanted to pursue the matter.

That letter alone was painful, rehashing a "violent, disturbing"
incident, the complaint claims, but she believed that her lack of
response would suffice as an answer.

"She does not want any relationship with this woman," Weisberg said.

Nevertheless, the woman claiming to be her daughter appeared on her doorstep four months later.

When she spoke with DYFS after her biological daughter paid the
unexpected visit, she was informed that because she had not returned
the letter, the office "more or less did what they had to do," the
complaint alleges.

The Atlantic City woman is seeking at least $1 million in damages from the state.

Privacy issues are a controversial topic in adoption today, and the
National Council for Adoption believes that identifying information
should be released only if the adoptive and biological parents agree in
advance, said Chuck Johnson, the council's chief executive officer.

"The law should protect the rights of everyone, including the birth parents," he said.

A testimonial on the National Council for Adoption's Web site tells
a similar story, from a woman who was raped at 18 and fears that New
York was considering unsealing birth records for adult adoptees.

Bastard Nation, an adoptee-rights organization, believes that
adoption records should be open and are tantamount to a constitutional
right.

In New Jersey, DYFS operates an adoption registry, which, according
to its Web site, helps facilitate contact between birth-family members
and those who were adopted. Two of the defendants in the lawsuit are
listed as contacts for the registry.

A DYFS spokeswoman referred all comments to the state Attorney
General's Office. Representatives from that office declined to comment.

According to the complaint, the Atlantic City woman was told that
she had to take pre-emptive measures to keep her identity private, but
Weisberg says that she was always under the protection of New Jersey
law, which states that adoption records can be unsealed only with a
court order.

She also learned that one of her daughters had been contacted by the
daughter she placed for adoption, as well. Weisberg said that the
woman's children never knew of the rape or of the adoption prior to
DYFS's involvement.

There will be no fairy-tale ending for the woman and the daughter
she placed for adoption, Weisberg said, and he believes that these
situations harm adoptions elsewhere.

"Adoption works precisely because of those privacy procedures in place," he said. "Something like this creates a disincentive."