I like the idea that Draco thinks he can date two girls at once. That's definitely something he'd feel he could do.

I absolutely loved the opening description of him, and the part that described what he wants in a girlfriend was amazing and very well written. So well done there. :)

However, once the two girls met I felt that you began to rush your writing slightly. I got the feeling that you were so excited to get to the 'plan' that the two girls conjured, that you didn't think so deeply about what you were writing.

There were a few minor typos, such as 'Pansy had never know that Catherine could be so wild and sly'. It should be 'Pansy had never known' or 'Pansy didn't know that'. The only other main thing is that when a new person talks, you should drop a line.

This was a wonderful little song-fic. Well, not exactly little, it was as long as it needed to be. Could've been a bit longer if you'd explained a bit more about the two girls' relationship and maybe used a bit more time on the actual humiliation-scene, but in all it was pretty good.

What I noticed was that I think you need to work on punctuation, commas and question-marks in general. It was a bit confusing at times... Also, whenever one of the characters have said something, you should start a new paragraph before the next one says something. That way it won't be too confusing to read, it'll be easier to know who's talking.

On the good side, I really like the idea of it all. I was immediately drawn to it, the summary was very good! The story was funny, but I think it would've been even more funny if you'd included more of/explained more about the humiliation-scene (like I said earlier).

The "memory-shower" seemed a bit weird. There are two things here that I'd like to say something about. The first is that it seems a bit weird that they have one. I mean, sure they're rich and powerful and stuff, but it's sort of Dumbledore's thing. I think it would be more realistic, and certainly far more interesting, if Pansy had shown her in real life, lured Draco to kiss her while Catherine was watching from a dark corner or something.

The other thing is that I thought the name she came up with for it was pretty weird. I mean, I think most people realize it's a Pensieve, and I can see the point in that she can't remember the name, but I think it would be better if you could somehow include the name of it. For example, Pansy could say the name and Catherine remembered that way.

I hope I don't come off as too negative here, and that I come off as if I didn't like it, because that's not the case at all. I really liked it, I loved the whole kick-Draco's-arse-thing. I also liked the way you sort of kept him in character. Even though he had a very small part in this, it seemed real, like something he could do. There are some loopholes, like for example, what would he do if they both wanted to come to the ball? And what about breakfast? He's sitting at the same table as Pansy, and he can't just ignore her, can he? But Catherine would've seen them, wouldn't she?

And the fact that Dumbledore announced that there'd be a ball that very day was sort of clichè - and also, you could've described a bit more about how the Great Hall looked when Catherine came down towards it when it was all nicely decorated.

(I'm sorry, I'm on a roll here. I write about every little thing, I hope you don't take it the wrong way).

Anyway, that's about what I had to say - but I also want to add some more positive stuff, like for example that your spelling and grammar (except the punctuation) is very good, and that the lyrics fit very nicely to the story. I'm not sure I liked the title in itself, but it certainly fit the story, so I like it for that.

Good luck with any story you're planning to write / writing at the moment. I really did enjoy your story, it was great!

Christina

Author's Response: Thanks!!!
Now that was a large review!!!
Now that's a first, I get to here the grammar is good.
Hah! I can't believe it!!!

♥In the third paragraph you wrote "powerfull." Only one l!
♥In that same paragraph you types "2." Most writers would agree that is unprofessional: try "two."
♥Same paragraph: you wrote "shot" instead off "shut."
♥Same paragraph: "It was so easy to him. " - - that doesn't make sense.

Okay, that's all I'm going to pick out - I would HIGHLY recommend you get a beta. It may be hard for the reader to enjoy this story with all those mistakes.

The plot itself is okay; but the song choice was a bit weird. I find that whenever a songfic's lyrics need changing to fit a story, that it shouldn't be done.

The writing is a little iffy - doesn't flow as well as it should. You have very nice descriptions, however. :)

With a bit of work, this could be a good fic. I'm not trying to flame your story - I appreciate the effort it took to writer this: I'm just trying to help! :) So, nice work - I hope I helped. :)

Author's Response: Okay, I know I need a beta, it's just hard to find one!
;)

This story has really good detail, and I like the plot. I think one thing that might help you is if you follow the rule that you start a new paragragh after a new person speaks. That allows the reader to realize that it's someone else speaking, and they won't get confused. Good plot. Good writing. Good song ;)
~Alex

Author's Response: Thanks!!!
Yep, I'll update the story with the paragraphs changed soon.

Short and Sweet I think you have really nailed the song fic type. Although, I would have loved to have seen a bit more description on the feeling and the events. Such as when you said: “She had seen Draco kissing Pansy and holding hands with Pansy.” I would have liked to have seen a bit more emotion behind it like: “Catherine was screaming inside, her heart was torn in two as she had watched Pansy and Draco passionately kiss and being the couple that Draco had always been with her.” Or something along those lines, but besides that I loved this One-shot and loved the OC that you created! 9/10