Why Expectant Hearts? When we were unexpectedly pregnant with our fourth child, he was diagnosed with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. As a family, which inculdes Sean, 11, Cary, 7, Kayleigh, 3, Seth (6 1/2 months old when he went to Heaven on Oct. 12, 2008)and Leland & I, we wait with "expectant hearts" for the miracles our Lord & Savior unfolds in our lives. This is a place to document that journey and share our stories, and those miracles, with family and friends.

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Cary, Sean, Me -holding Seth, Leland -holding Kayleigh

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

An Open Letter...

Dear Seth,

I thought of you today.

That's no surprise. I think of you EVERY day. Every minute really. To NOT think of you, would be the surprise. Just as Sean, Cary, and Kayleigh are always on my mind, so are you. It's odd, of course. People expect me to think of Sean and Cary and Kayleigh. For reasons I don't understand, the fact that I think of YOU, just as I do your siblings, seems to make others uncomfortable. But, sweet boy, that's a post for another day.

Honestly, I think it was too hard. I talked to you all the time, in my head. Oh, I know you don't hear me. I would much rather think of you playing in Heaven, at Jesus' feet, than seeing us be sad for you. I think that's part of why I didn't' write before actually. It doesn't seem "mom-like" to write you a letter about how sad we've been without you. So why am I writing today?

I want you to know, I want the world to know, that we are finding joy. Seth, I am finding joy. And as I find my joy again, our family finds joy again.

YOU know, Seth, better than I, how faithful and true God is. And God has, IS restoring our joy. YOU remain a part of that, Seth. There is joy in having been your mom, in BEING your mom. Seth, I feel like I finally appreciate what a gift you have been. I am SO, so grateful.

That, sweet boy, is why I'm writing to you. I wanted you to know. With the grace of God, blessings of God, we are figuring out joy again. Happiness is in our home.

8 comments:

Kathryn, Only God knows the depth of a grieving mother's heart. But someone told me once that however deep our grief or loss here in this life, our joy in the hext life will be in proportion, and even greater. I believe that. God bless you....Marsha Y.

About Me

I"m a wife and mom (and part-time church secretary). I find joy in my life by serving my Lord and loving my husband, Leland and our children, Sean,11, Cary,7, Kayleigh,3, and Seth (in Heaven). Seth was born with "half a heart", HLHS and went home to the Lord after his 2nd surgery (the Glenn); he was 6 1/2 months old. The blog is a place to document our family's journey.