I Don’t Know How To Unlove You, But I’m Trying

How do you even begin to get over someone who was your favorite part to the day?

How do you get up and move on when your heart is still invested in one person?

How do you go on dates and give anyone a fair shot when you just wish it was them the whole time?

The honest truth is I’m at a loss for words and I don’t know where to go or what to say or how I’m going to move on from you.

Because as much as I need to move on part of me isn’t ready to.

Everyone says there are so many other people out there. But when you meet the right person or the person you think is the right one, it’s hard to live your life knowing they are out there and the only one you want is them.

How do you just turn off love so simply like it isn’t something that’s consuming you?

How do you erase someone from your mind when they are every thought no matter how busy you are or try to be?

How do you erase someone from your heart when you didn’t choose to fall in love with them?

They are every thought before your eyes even open and every last thought before they shut and without even being able to control it, they meet you in dreams you wish were a reality.

They are still the ones you want to talk to every day. The ones you want to turn to when things go wrong or things go right.

They are simply everything. How do you make that go away?

Because if it’s true that distance makes the heart grow fonder then the separation will just make that love you aren’t supposed to fall into, deeper.

I shouldn’t want someone who doesn’t want me. I shouldn’t want someone who has made pain feel so comfortable in my life.

You’re the last thing I should want but you’re also the only thing I want.

And every day without you in it feels like a marathon of my life in your absence.

So I don’t know how to make that go away.

And everyone says time will heal any aching heart but right now in this moment, everything hurts.

And I want it to stop.

But there’s a hope to this sadness that consumes me, I find comfort in knowing someone like you exists in the world.

And if love was a choice and you told me, all this would end in a puddle of my own tears, I don’t think I’d change anything about it.

Because you awoke a heart that was afraid to feel anything so deeply.

You taught me how to love again and you’ll be the same person who teaches me how to fall out of it.

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“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino