Archive for September 4th, 2008

So the other day me and a coworker went to grab lunch from Panda Express. As we were getting into line he said, “It’s too bad they don’t use real panda.”

Which got me to thinking.

A Panda is a big herbivore with a large amount of body fat. They would probably taste delicious.

Of course, there are a few ethical issues with eating them, what with them being endangered and all. Not to mention the whole mess of legal issues that would result.

But then I had another thought. Cloning.

Science has already managed to successfully clone animals. Cloned animals do not contribute to the bio-diversity of the species, so eating them shouldn’t cause any issues. And as I understand it, the big drawback to clones is that due to some protein sequencing thingy in the cells the clone has a much shorter lifespan than the original. Essentially they only have as much natural lifespan as the original gene-donor had left. For animals being raised for food this would hardly be an issue.

From an environmental standpoint this could turn out to be a windfall. A portion of the profits could probably be used to further panda-research and zoo facilities. From the point of view of a restaurant serving panda, helping to fund them would just be good PR. So in the long run it could easily be set up to benefit the panda species as a whole.

For the curious, a civet is a small cat-mongoosey kind of critter from Africa that lives in trees, eats roots and berries, and can evidently poop coffee.

And panda could just be the start. The are entire menus of tasty endangered animals that cloning technology could bring to the table. You could easily create a venue that is like a cross between a Brazilian steakhouse and a World Wildlife Fund banquet gone horribly horribly awry.

Right in the lobby there could be a tank full of black footed ferrets. With little rubber bands on their paws.

Now I imagine if such a restaurant was to open, Peta would have a royal cow over it. Which means that they would protest it. Which is just free advertising. Besides, have you ever seen a Peta protest? They put attractive college coeds, dressed in skimpy animal costumes, into cages. Surrounding the customers with scantily clad young women rarely hurts a business, and there are several restaurants that make it a central theme to the decor.

Hell, I would advertise the protests just to get more customers to show up.

“Tonight we have Parmesan crusted sea lion rib-eye, dwarf lemur in a Bearnaise sauce, and several angry drama majors with daddy issues dressed as sexy pumas.”