Sometimes it’s difficult to write about intimate, sexual moments because it can be so personal and deep.

He’s found out everything I’ve ever longed for and he’s said he will give it to me. At first I was scared. He couldn’t possibly know what he was in for. There must be some fatal flaw I have that will make him turn from me someday. But… he’s been through more pain and turmoil than I’d ever have the heart to add to. I don’t have it in me to hurt him enough to shake his resolve, there is no reason to ever have it in me.

But then, what about her? What if she finds some fatal flaw in me? What if she turns away from me and he follows?

None of that seems to matter now. I’ve started to believe that this will work out somehow. I should be terrified. I believed before and was nearly destroyed. Won’t that happen again? This time if it didn’t work, would I stay intact? Those are the only worries right now. I’m starting not to care. It’s starting to feel like whatever happens, it’ll be worth every moment, even if there is an end.

His words do caress my soul. He knows how to reach inside and grasp and cradle my very essence. My general coldness is melted and evaporated under his eyes. He can see right through me, no, right to the very core of me. He can see what I am and what I offer, and he takes it. He takes all of it, not just the good. He gives me what I need and is capable of giving me everything I want.

And with that future in my head, it’s painful. It hurts to hope. I know I can’t have what I want now. But for our sake I must wait and not think too much of it. It’s not his fault that my patience has been used up by someone else. He deserves far more of a chance, she deserves far more of a chance. These are people I want to have close to me because they are special. They are special, good, caring people. They also love me in return, how could I throw that away? I will never get this lucky again.

His words drizzle in my ear with him between my legs, rubbing and tapping my cervix. My whole body opens to him, I can’t do more than moan. Every thrust makes me gush and I can feel the pleasure rush right to my head. It’s blinding and my mouth stays open as if to provide an outlet so I don’t implode. His words wrap right around my heart and open me inside. I want to cry but the pain of hoping isn’t so bad. I feel a deep warmth in my chest. I love him. I believe what he says. He’s got me.

Fuck.

I bring myself to orgasm with him inside and feel that orgasm that’s halfway to actually squirting push and pour out of me, wetting him, and I’m floating in subspace. He cuddles with me for a bit until I’m only a bit out of it and goes down on me with his tongue on my clit. It feels so good, I don’t know how he does it. I had no strength to express but small moans when he made me twitch. The thought of him licking me like that and actually enjoying it is what gets me excited. He just goes and open my legs up no matter if I’m reluctant and makes me take it. I kept getting on the edge, it’s so hard to get me to cum, especially when I’m tired or worn out. Finally after a couple minutes being right there I came and came and came. He got up for a towel and I was just a twitchy mess, I tried not to jerk but I couldn’t help it. He came back and held me, and I was definitely in subspace. He scratched my back and I didn’t even react at all. It felt so good to float…

Wait I don’t remember what happened after that…

No one has ever gotten me to subspace without pain before. There are so many new things that are happening. I can’t help it. I’m fucked every which way, literally and figuratively.