Week 43: Good Lord.
We hereby affirm that God exists. More to the point, we are reliably informed that God has an excellent and forgiving sense of humor.
This Week's Contest: What does God looks like? Surely, you can do better than these overused images. Submit your concept of the Supreme Being, in a drawing, a photo, or just a description. First-prize winner receives the new King James version of the Bible, personally autographed by the Czar of the Style Invitational, plus a luxurious RWorm Ranch,S a total value of $ 50. Runners-up, as always, get the coveted Style Invitational losersU T-shirts. Winners will be selected on the basis of humor and originality. Mail your entries to the Style Invitational, Week 43, The Washington Post, 1150 15th St. NW, Washington, D.C. 20071, or fax them to 202-334-4312. Entries must be received on or before Monday, Jan 3. Please include your address and phone number. Winners will be announced in three weeks. No purchase necessary. It has recently come to our attention that we still owe merchandise to a few first-prize winners, some of whom have been waiting months. This is attributable to shocking malfeasance by The Faerie of the Fine Print, who has received a punitive demotion and is now, until further notice, The Faerie of The Ear No One Reads. We regret any inconvenience. Employees of The Washington Post and their immediate families are not eligible for prizes.
Report from Week 40, in which you were asked to come up with headlines representing the next step in political correctness mania.
Sixth Runner-Up:
Congress Outlaws Death It Is "Ageist," Lawmakers Conclude
(Allen R. Taylor, New Cumberland, Pa.)
Fifth Runner-Up:
Santa to Get Extra Reindeer Ahmed, Jorge and Motohiro Will Join Sleigh
(Hershal Shevade, Washington)
Fourth Runner-Up:
Candidates to Seek Verbal Consent Before Kissing Babies
(Sonya Winner, Falls Church)
Third Runner-Up:
Charlie Brown Called Offensive to Hydrocephalics
(Nora Corrigan, Reston)
Second Runner-Up:
Reflecting Pool to be Permanently Drained
Degrades Women, Panel Decides
(Stu Segal, Vienna)
First Runner-Up:
Kennedy Flame Doused
Non-smokers Rejoice at End of Secondhand Smoke on Federal Property
(Larry Hurley, Bethesda)
And the Winner of the Nose Spreader, the Cracker Thrower and the Cow Parts Game from Dave Barry's Gift Guide, plus a copy of this page autographed by Dave:
Congress Approves Five-Day Waiting Period for Men Wanting Sex
(Steven King, Alexandria)
Honorable Mention:
Children's Rights Groups Demand Clearer Definition of "Because I Said So"
(Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Broad Jump Eliminated From Olympic Competition
(Paul Sabourin, Greenbelt)
Manic-Depressives Protest Term "Gay" Demeans Those Who Choose to Stay in Bed and Brood
(Anthony DUAntoni, Laurel)
Nobel Prize Discontinued; Found to Discriminate Against Mediocre Persons
(Yvonne and Peter Pover, Arlington)
ACLU Sues Itself Claims Its Lawsuits Infringe on Others' Constitutional Rights
(Gary Patishnock, Laurel)
Sports Authority Discontinues Selling Dumbells
(Audrey Kovalak, Springfield)
Animal Rights Activists Arrested For Throwing Blood at Animals
"They Wear Fur," Protesters Shout
(David Seid, Bethesda)
Buckwheat Pancakes Removed from Cookbooks; Stereotype Cited
(Roger Gross, Burke)
Native American Orgnization Protests Use of "Geronimo" by Paratroopers
Suggests Substitution of "Gesundheit"
(Robert Benson, Silver Spring)
Oppressors Defeat Victims
Field Goal Gives Dallas Victory at First Game in Laurel Stadium
(No Name Given, No Home Either)
New Laundry Laws Prohibit Separation of Whites and Colors
(Julie Allan, Falls Church)
Caucasian Group Protests Mimes' Use of Whiteface
(Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, N.H.)
Spelin Simplufkatun Bil Pases Hows. Grate Day Fr Rites of Ilitirits!
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
And Last:
Expression "Politically Correct" Deemed Offensive
Use Is Banned Under New Speech Code (Steve Amter, Washington)
NEXT WEEK: Rear-End Collusion