We rarely grow alone. In fact, some psychologists have made a compelling case that we only grow in connection with others. However, we don’t need to learn with others in formal training or development programs: we can architect our own opportunities to gain insight, knowledge, and skills that move us on an upward trajectory. We can have more control over our learning at work if we make building high-quality connections a priority.

What are high-quality connections? They’re the connections with other people in which we feel positive regard, mutuality, and vitality. Positive regard is the sense that someone sees the best in us, even if we are only connected for a short time. Mutuality means we feel a sense of responsiveness and openness from another person. Finally, vitality captures the heightened sense of energy we feel when deeply connected to someone else — as if we are more alive in the moment.

High-quality connections are what Barbara Fredrickson calls micro moments of love. Don’t let the word “love” scare you. These moments of aliveness in connection with others create a sense of safety and enhanced capability that become a powerful platform for development. We grow in high-quality connections because our thinking is broadened, we absorb knowledge more quickly, our action repertoire is expanded, and we are more engaged, playful, open, and resilient in the face of setbacks. High-quality connections stand in stark contrast to low-quality connections, in which feelings of inadequacy, defensiveness, and lack of safety undercut growth possibilities.

YOU AND YOUR TEAM

Research conducted by us and by others shows that there are at least eight different ways we can grow and improve through high-quality connecting. Keep in mind that these tactics won’t work with lower-quality relationships.

Create a lunchtime or after-hours working group with people from around your organization to watch educational talks or take an online course together. Support and constructively challenge each other to learn. For example, to build capacities for managing stress, watch a series of TED Talks that inspire and educate on successful strategies for stress reduction.

Propose a self-managed instructional course for your team or work group, and share responsibility for designing and leading the various elements of the course. Staff at Jane’s business school designed a six-week course on positive leadership. Their personal involvement in the design and execution made it a success: Not only will the course be repeated next year, but it also opened up new staff-initiated learning opportunities. The group is now designing a certification training program to deliver the content of the positive leadership course to other staff on campus.

Set learning goals for a specified time period, and invite one or two people to be your coaching partners to hold you accountable and cheer you on. In a consulting firm Emily studied, a partner and a project manager paired up to support each other’s growth. One person wanted to work on improving the skills needed for a promotion, and the other focused on efforts to create more work-life balance. Through regular, informal coaching sessions they were able to help each other reach their goals. The arrangement was so effective that they have continued with regular coaching sessions.

Look for a challenge in your organization and create a task force or working group to tackle it, with the explicit goal of creating high-quality connections that will lead to learning and growth for all. At workforce solutions firm Kelly Services, two operational leaders saw a need to increase the leadership pipeline and employee engagement through strengthening network connections. In addition, they wanted to improve business acumen and understanding of the business among all leaders. They created a business resource group called “Leadership in Action” (LIA), composed of managers from multiple levels of the firm, and set up meetings, events, and webinars in which senior leaders provided insight into external market changes and how the company strategy addressed those changes. They used communication tools like Salesforce Chatter (an internal social network) to encourage discussion, and they shared articles on the company intranet. LIA has received very positive feedback: several members have moved into new leadership positions (including senior roles) and note their participation in the group as a key contributor to their success.

Take on a shared experience with colleagues who are high-quality connections to explore and understand how work gets done with “fresh eyes.” For example, take a walk in your customers’ shoes. Theda Care, a five-hospital system in Appleton, Wisconsin, did exactly this when a team of employees became patients at the hospital as preparation for redesigning its critical service delivery system. The changes they recommended have contributed to substantial improvements in safety, efficiency, and effectiveness.

For employees who work remotely or have limited face-to-face contact, make an explicit effort to share stories in person about challenges and opportunities involved in doing the work. Numerous studies show that sharing stories is critical for facilitating the development of tacit knowledge, making sure questions are asked safely and frequently, and providing the opportunity for people doing similar work to share and strengthen their expertise. Chris Myers studied flight medical teams in several university hospitals and found that they regularly use lunch breaks to find each other and share case-based stories, which are vital to learning about new diagnoses and techniques.

Stretch the boundaries of your work community beyond a common employer to find new sources of learning and support. Emily, a musician, knows other musicians (a violist, timpanist, trumpet player, and bassist from the same orchestra) who agreed to perform for each other outside of work to improve their artistry and performance ability. The group became a place where each player could set aspirational goals and get feedback from instrumentalists with trained ears who were not competing for the same jobs. As a result, three of them successfully won auditions in higher-level orchestras.

As employers’ training and development investments wane, we all have to take charge of our development. You can amplify opportunities for growth and learning by cultivating high-quality connections. Look for them inside and outside your team at work and beyond the boundaries of your organization, or even outside your professional life. The great thing about investing in building and maintaining these connections is that everyone wins.

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Jane E. Dutton is the Robert L. Kahn Distinguished University Professor of Business Administration and Psychology at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business. She is co-founder of the Center for Positive Organizations at Ross.

Emily Heaphy is an Assistant Professor at Boston University’s Questrom School of Business.