Wow a lot on this site has changed. I remember when I knew of any and all changes this site made. How much time changes I guess. Half the time I forget I even have this still open. I may start returning as Tumblr has started to piss me off with its horrible Social Jusitce nut jobs. I am talking about those who jumb on anything to label it Social Justice and take it to the extreme.

Mom woke me up Monday morning to let me know Granddaddy had lost his battle with Cancer.I am not taking to well and for the fact I am repressing the hell out of my feelings at the moment I have a hard time saying anything.

sitting in school and pissed because my fucking history class had to have a non stop class about the old people and grandparents. Well fuck you very much!

I am horrible confused at the moment. I need a job, needed one for, what, two years now? There is a secretary job that I could do, because Mom wont fucking get it (even though we both know she has not damn job in the next few weeks). A 9-5 job, but what about school? Everyone wants me to go to school. NON OF THE FUKCING CLASSES I NEED TO TAKE ARE PAST 4PM!!! How am I to continue my education if I have this job. Mom goes off the deep ended telling me I am a waist for wanting these jobs that barely pay 100 a week…..I AM GOING TO SCHOOL I CAN’T GET ANYTHIGN ELSE AT THE MOMENT!! I AM TRYING. I understand we need the money of a better paying job.

I have no self-esteem, what so ever. None. So having people look down on me for not having a job, and if I stop school I have those same people looking down at me is really fucking hard. Yes, I should say fuck them and do what I need/want anyways. *points back to self-esteem* I am a person that needs the acceptance of the people I care most about, mostly Mom and Granddad.

With granddad sick to near death I want to finish school for him. Great fine, I want to finish for myself as well. BUT!!! Any day now Mom’s job is shutting the doors. It is family run and with granddad sick and his partner an asshole, they want to shut the doors. Mom will sort of have a job working with her brother, but the pay will not be what she has now (hardly anything) and that will really screw us over since we are barely making it.

I have been putting out applications, but with the economy and shit it is hard. It is also like there is a black dot next to my name sent to every place. I don’t know what it is, but I have never, not gotten a job I had an interview for. Three interviews in the past year and nothing.

This semester I have Thur – Sun off from school…so that should help some…??

My poor, neglected Journal. Lets see if I can keep it at least a once a month thing

Well, we can stop praying for rain in Florida for a few weeks at least. Lets send the next batch of rain to Colorado. They need it more.

Registered for classes today. OMG you guys!! I am actually making to another year of school. However my two year course has now been extended. My Computer hardware class was crap last year. At least I can say I am not the only one that was not learning anything in that class. Since I got a D (still passing my ass) I have to retake or I can't get any farther in my course. Seems half my classes need it as a pre-req. They changed it back to hybrid this semester. YAY.

and there goes my nephew. I remember crashing my bike as a kid, but I think he makes it an art form.

It is for the good but at the same time *headdesk* My brother, sister in law, and niece moved into night, after a huge hew haw at their old place. A tight fit, VERY tight. a lot of stuff has to change and once again I get to walk on egg shells and basically not talk. Not talking, because I am unsure what exactly will set them off. My family and their tempers, oi vey.At least they are out of there and baby girl has a good place to run about and play. I think the bit that has me is the changes. Because there will be a lot of them. If only this house was a tiny bit bigger.

Well I didn't have any holiday type depression till now. A friend needed some questionnaires done for their class. I filled 99%$ of it out. I was not able to fill out my good qualities. We were asked what our bad and good qualities were. I could answer the bad easy, never been able to answer the good.

Considering I helped her separate the data I think she can give me a break. Most of the other only answered maybe half. Because of her damn rant about it I am feeling depressed and it really sucks. I was not happy OMG its Christmas, but I was content and looking forward to the holidays. –sigh- oh well.~Three weeks of the semester left. Where the HELL did the time go? Most of my classes are riding a B or an A. Lot better than my first time with all C’s. Three of my classes do not have final exam. That is an odd experience.

In my scholastic career I have never received an A on any of my written assignments. I think there may have been one B in there, but mostly C and D grades.To my shock my Compare and Contrast essay came back with a big ole’ A! How exciting for me. Well it was exciting for like a minuet till I was reminded of the Research paper looming over my head. BLARG.I find myself eating a large slice of humble pie. Every time I read someone having a melt down near the end of the semester I normally roll my eyes. Now, I find myself in the same predicament. Math and English are taking over my life. I can only imagine what will happen next semester with Humanities AND World Civ2 and Math and whatever else I have piled onto my plate.In my scholastic career I have never received an A on any of my written assignments. I think there may have been one B in there, but mostly C and D grades.To my shock my Compare and Contrast essay came back with a big ole’ A! How exciting for me. Well it was exciting for like a minuet till I was reminded of the Research paper looming over my head. BLARG.I find myself eating a large slice of humble pie. Every time I read someone having a melt down near the end of the semester I normally roll my eyes. Now, I find myself in the same predicament. Math and English are taking over my life. I can only imagine what will happen next semester with Humanities AND World Civ2 and Math and whatever else I have piled onto my plate.

Sitting in the courtyard waiting for my next class. An English class has come out to enjoy the weather. Everything fine UNTIL the Teacher made the students stand and read some Shakespeare. I want to cry. Dear Teacher, make your students watch the Renaissance Man! Read with a Beat or SOMETHING. My ears are bleeding here.In about two seconds I am going to ask if I can read. They are on Midsummer Nights Dream and they killed my Puck. I love my Puck!! *cries*

At least they are reminding me I need to familarize my self with The Tempest. I forgot the plot and who is in it. BOoo. Have a competition this weekend and need to get ready for it. I just wish I could study properly to remember what I need.

I would say every couple of months. When ever my mates and I thought to scare the crap out of each other telling stories. The kind that you laugh at in the car, but once you get where you are going NO ONE can get out of the car cuz it is dark and something will pull you under the car. OR no one can leave the room - the rest of the house is dark and nearest light switch is to far OR you cant get off the beds and end up sleeping with 2 or three extra people ins a small bed. Everyone of us are Mid 20's to 30 years old.... Why hello dork-ville I will take my membership for life card.

On a side note I had two of the most fucked up dreams. First one was of a serial killer that only killed you if it was your birthday. Was find with him till he started to explain what he would do to my body with his knife, if it were my birthday. He must have been a plastic surgeon or something. Anyways he gets caught and has to be flown back with the FBI and one of the FBI chicks birthday is that day. So while in the plane (don't know why I am there or sitting next to him) he breaks loose and is dissasembling a potty to get to the next level where the FBI chicks are...? Ends with me trumphant over taking apart another potty to create a weapon to stop him....WTF.

The other was about Zombies. Normally Zombies do not bother me but this time Tosh (dog) comes in house with his stomach ate out and zombied. Did not know this until Baylee (cousin- 8 years old) starts screaming about his stomach and how Tosh bit both her and Wynter (baby- niece). We then had to make pit with random bits of furnature to set both on fire. Put the kids in the middle and light it up. The government or who ever made us stand there and watch them burn. The whole time Wynter is crying and Baylee is asking why before she finally goes full zombie and dies. I woke up once the flames got near my baby girl. She was showing no signs of zombie but they were making us kill her anyways. I fucking HATED this dream. Every time i closed my eyes it would start up again.