Thursday, February 4, 2010

February 4, 2010

HOLLYWOOD DIRT OVERFLOW

HOLLYWOOD RANDOMS

#1.) IAN ZIERING . . . (--From the ORIGINAL "90210") . . . is engaged to a nurse by the name of Erin Kristine Ludwig. They've been together about four months, and they're planning a spring wedding. (--Erin will be Ian's SECOND wife. He was married to Nikki Ziering from 1997 to 2002.)

#2.) ANGELINA JOLIE and JOHNNY DEPP are going to start filming a movie called "The Tourist" in Italy pretty soon. So let the rumors begin. --The "Star" tabloid says that Angelina already has her sights set on Johnny . . . quote, "She goes on and on about how fabulous Johnny is. She's intense and goes for anything and anyone she wants. She has no limits! --"She told Brad she's going to Italy without him. Angie knows what she wants, and she doesn't want Brad in the way." (--This is gonna get old FAST.)

WILL TIGER WOODS MAKE A SURPRISE RETURN TO GOLF IN JUST 10 DAYS???

The "Herald Sun" newspaper of Melbourne, Australia says that TIGER WOODS is going to make a surprise return to golf at the Accenture Match Play Championship . . . which kicks off on February 15th near Tucson, Arizona. --This sounds particularly unlikely based on the fact that Accenture was one of the first sponsors to DROP Tiger after his frequent visits to the WHORE ZONE became public. --A spokesman for the PGA tour would only say, quote, "We have no comment." --Tiger won the Accenture tournament in 2003, 2004 and 2008. --Meanwhile, RadarOnline.com claims that Tiger is leaving his Mississippi sex rehab clinic by the end of the week. His wife, ELIN NORDEGREN, has reportedly flown there to pick him up.

MEL GIBSON'S PUBLICIST CLAIMS THAT MEL CALLED *HIM* AN A-HOLE:

This might be the lamest attempt by a publicist to cover his client's tracks EVER. --MEL GIBSON'S rep, Alan Nierob, claims that Mel was calling HIM an (A-hole) after that interview with Chicago's WGN-TV on Tuesday. --As you probably recall, Mel was being interviewed via satellite, and he got a little testy when the reporter asked him about his drunken, anti-Semitic tirade from 2006. --After the interview had wrapped, and Mel thought he was off the air, he called the guy an (A-HOLE) . . . for all the world to hear. --So yesterday, this Nierob guy said Mel was talking to HIM when he said that . . . and it was because he was standing off-camera, MAKING FACES at Mel. In other words, it was all good-natured GUY STUFF.(--Here's WGN explaining Mel's excuse. It includes the original incident . . . but with the offending word BLEEPED . . .)http://www.wgntv.com/entertainment/viral/wgntv-mel-gibson-anchor-lash-out-video,0,5791834.story

#1.) If you're familiar with LINDSAY LOHAN and her mental illness, then it probably wouldn't surprise you to learn that she's a HOARDER. Seriously . . . she's one of those human packrats who can't throw anything away. --She claims it's a coping mechanism to deal with the hurt caused by her dad. And she'll be talking about it on "The Insider" tonight. (--Here's a preview clip . . .) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsctCuCVxsM

#2.) Here's some good news for you hardcore "Star Wars" fans: DAVID PROWSE . . . the man who played Darth Vader in the original trilogy . . . is in remission from prostate cancer. --Prowse . . . who's 74 . . . says, quote, "I've won the fight and I'm feeling better than ever. Everyone was shocked by how well it all went." (--Prowse was the guy in the Darth Vader suit, but JAMES EARL JONES did the actual voice . . . because GEORGE LUCAS wanted someone who sounded deeper.)

#3.) TMZ is reporting that DR. CONRAD MURRAY will be arraigned on an involuntary manslaughter charge TOMORROW . . . for the death of MICHAEL JACKSON, obviously. --They say he'll turn himself in tomorrow morning, and he'll be in front of the judge at 1:30 P.M.

#4.) ASHTON KUTCHER is not a fan of Valentine's Day. But he's got an idea for an alternative. He says, quote, "I think every day should be a day of romance. Then, on Valentine's Day, you should get to tell whoever you hate that you cannot stand them. --"There would be one day of hating, and 364 days of love."

#5.) Don't expect ELLEN DEGENERES and PORTIA DE ROSSI to adopt a baby anytime soon. Ellen says, quote, "Of course we thought about it, and for a moment there, it was actually a consideration. --"We really are lucky enough to be so in love with one another that I don't want a baby because I know what kind of love that must be. I don't want to share that. I like having all of her, and she likes having all of me. And we have freedom and we have time."

"AVATAR" HAS NOW STOLEN ALL OF "TITANIC'S" RECORDS:

"Avatar" has usurped the last record that "Titanic" was holding onto. That would be the DOMESTIC BOX OFFICE. --"Avatar" has raked in $601.1 million at U.S. theaters to take the #1 spot . . . and push "Titanic" to #2 with its measly $600.8 million. (???) (--"Avatar" already overtook "Titanic's" records for worldwide box office and international box office . . . which is everywhere OUTSIDE the U.S.)--Here are the 10 top-grossing movies of all time in the U.S. . . . #1.) "Avatar", $601.1 million#2.) "Titanic", $600.8 million#3.) "The Dark Knight", $533 million#4.) "Star Wars", $461 million#5.) "Shrek 2", $441 million#6.) "E.T.", $435 million#7.) "Star Wars: Episode 1 - The Phantom Menace", $431 million#8.) "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest", $423 million#9.) "Spider-Man", $404 million#10.) "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", $402 million

THE CREATOR OF "MACGYVER" WANTS TO STOP "MACGRUBER" FROM OPENING:

Lee Zlotoff is the guy who created the '80s action series "MacGyver". And he's not cool with that upcoming parody flick, "MacGruber". In fact, he's trying to keep it from opening. --Zlotoff's attorney claims he still owns the rights to "MacGyver", and "MacGruber" infringes on those rights. Zlotoff also claims to have a big-budget "MacGyver" movie in the works. (--Nothing has come of this yet, but we'll keep you posted. "MacGruber" is scheduled to hit theaters on April 23rd.)

CBS HAS DENIED A REPORT THAT KATIE COURIC WILL BE ASKED TO TAKE A PAY CUT:

The "CBS Evening News" is still in last place . . . behind "NBC Nightly News with Brian Williams" and "ABC World News with Diane Sawyer" . . . so reports that CBS is looking to dump KATIE COURIC continue to pop up and fade out. --The latest rumor was started by The Drudge Report, which claimed that Katie was, quote, "in the direct line of fire . . . [for a] dramatic pay cut." --It's easy to see how this rumor got started. CBS News has been working to cut its budget. On Monday, they reportedly laid-off 150 employees, but they're paying Katie around $15 million a year to anchor a last-place news show. --Drudge also claims that Katie's huge salary . . . in the face of all those lay-offs . . . is causing a lot of backlash among other members of the staff. --But CBS News boss Sean McManus says these reports are false . . . quote, "I don't think it's fair at all. There is no relationship between how much money Katie is paid and the adjustments we make to our budget periodically." --He admits that CBS has had to lay-off some employees, but said it was only, quote, "a fraction" of the reported 150 being reported. (--He didn't give a specific number.) --McManus also insists . . . again . . . that the network is happy with Katie. He says, quote, "I am not anticipating, nor do I want to anticipate, life at CBS News without Katie Couric. [I expect her to be here] for a long time." --Katie's contract is up in May of next year. It seems like CBS News is interested in retaining her, but for now there have been no formal negotiations on an extension. --There's also speculation that Katie and CBS will part ways at that point . . . and she could move on to do anything from taking over for LARRY KING, or becoming the next big daytime talk show host. (--Oprah will leave syndication that fall.)

WILL PAMELA ANDERSON DO "DANCING WITH THE STARS"???

RadarOnline.com claims PAMELA ANDERSON has closed a deal to appear on the upcoming season of "Dancing with the Stars". Obviously, there's no official word on this. ABC won't make the formal cast announcement until March 1st. --In a truly pointless statement, a so-called "source" tells RadarOnline, quote, "Pam is thrilled and so is the show. She really wanted to do the show and the show thought it was a great idea." (--And there you have it.)

"DEADLIEST CATCH" STAR PHIL HARRIS IS OUT OF HIS COMA:

"Deadliest Catch" star PHIL HARRIS . . . the captain of the Cornelia Marie . . . has awakened from a "medically-induced coma." --Harris suffered a stroke last Friday, and doctors hoped the coma would help reduce brain swelling after 12 hours of emergency surgery. --In an update posted on the Discovery Channel's website, Harris' sons, Josh and Jake, say, quote, "Today Dad showed some good signs of improvement, squeezing our hands and even summoning his trademark captain's bluntness by telling the doctors and nurses, 'Don't (eff) up.' --"We are encouraged but still very cautious. It is a long road ahead, but it's made more bearable and comforting knowing your thoughts and prayers are with us. We are strong because of you . . . our fans." (--There's no word HOW or IF any of this will be handled on "Deadliest Catch".) (--Harris suffered a "near-fatal pulmonary embolism" two years ago. It was a major storyline on the show.)

LADY ANTEBELLUM HAS THE NEW #1 ALBUM IN THE COUNTRY:

The country group LADY ANTEBELLUM has the new #1 album in the country. They moved 481,000 copies of their new disc "Need You Now". You may remember seeing them perform the title track at last week's Grammys. Here are your Top 10 albums . . .1.) (NEW) "Need You Now", Lady Antebellum (481,000 copies)2.) "Hope For Haiti Now", Various Artists (143,000 copies)3.) "The Fame", Lady Gaga (68,000 copies)

AC/DC SINGER BRIAN JOHNSON IS ANNOYED WITH BONO AND BOB GELDOF . . . FOR ASKING PEOPLE TO BE CHARITABLE:

AC/DC singer BRIAN JOHNSON is annoyed with people like BONO and BOB GELDOF . . . because he doesn't believe celebrities should be so public about their charitable endeavors. --He says, quote, "I do it myself, I don't tell everybody I'm doing it. I don't tell everybody they should give money . . . they can't afford it. --"When I was a working man I didn't want to go to a concert for some bastard to talk down to me, [and say] that I should be thinking of some kid in Africa. --"I'm sorry mate, do it yourself, spend some of your own money and get it done. It just makes me angry. I become all tyrannical." --And this isn't a new thing. Back in 1985, AC/DC refused to play at Live Aid, a charity festival that Geldof organized to benefit widespread famine in Ethiopia. --Brian says, quote, "Bob Geldof is a canny lad. He did what he thought was right at the time but it didn't work. The money didn't go to poor people. It makes me mad when people try to use politics or charity for publicity. --"Do a charity gig, fair enough, but not on worldwide television."

JOE PERRY SAYS PAUL RODGERS WOULDN'T BE A FIT FOR AEROSMITH:

Earlier this week, we heard a rumor that AEROSMITH guitarist JOE PERRY had asked PAUL RODGERS to be STEVEN TYLER'S replacement. -But in an interview with ClassicRockRevisited.com, Joe said that while he LOVES Paul's voice, he doesn't think that he'd be a good fit for Aerosmith. --He said, quote, "I mean, obviously that would be a thought, because he is one of my favorite singers of all time . . . but him being English from that earlier generation, I don't think that it would work. I mean, it's more than just somebody who can sing. --"We're young kids to him. I just don't think it's the right chemistry. Technically, I know he's got the chops . . . I mean, I know he can sing anything he wants . . . but I think that it's a little bit more than just if he can sing the songs." --Joe must be referring to an attitude or style when he says "we're young kids to him," because Paul is 60. That's just one year YOUNGER than Steven . . . and one year older than Joe. --For what it's worth, Joe also said he'd consider a FEMALE singer . . . although he doesn't have anyone in mind. (--In other words, he'd be cool with someone who dresses like Steven Tyler.) --Joe did not comment on a report that Steven Tyler's lawyer fired off a letter to Aerosmith's management, threatening legal action if they actually do replace him.

PHOTOGRAPHERS AT JONAS BROTHERS CONCERTS ARE BANNED FROM USING IMAGES THAT SHOW "ILLEGAL ACTIVITY": (???)

This is pretty great. --The Smoking Gun website has published a contract that the band's lawyers gave to concert photographers for last year's JONAS BROTHERS tour. --It states that the photographers are specifically banned from using, quote, "any photographs that involve illegal activity or that may otherwise be offensive, harmful or derogatory to [the] artist and [the] attendees (including nudity, drug use, etc.) without [the] artist's prior written approval." (--You can see the document, here . . .) http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0203101jonas1.html--Obviously, you wouldn't expect a lot of nudity, drug use, and other "illegal activity" from the Jonas Brothers . . . as amusing as that is to consider. --There are two possible explanations: One, the band didn't want any of their FANS' illicit activities to be linked to their names . . . or, perhaps more likely, it's just a recycled, standard contract that musical groups give concert photographers.

NAZZY'S RANDOM STUFF

A POLE DANCER SUED THE STRIP CLUB WHERE SHE WORKED FOR NOT STOPPING HER FROM DRIVING DRUNK . . . AND WON:

This is just a heads-up to let you know that if you crash your car while driving drunk, you might NOT be at fault. At least that's according to a recent court ruling in Alabama. Listen to this . . . --In 2007, a STRIPPER named Patsy Hamaker was working at The Furnace strip club in Birmingham, Alabama. --One night, Patsy got completely hammered while at work. Her blood-alcohol content was nearly three times the legal limit, and she was so out-of-control that she had to be physically removed from the club's VIP room after causing a scene. --Anyway, Patsy attempted to drive off at least three times, but the club's security guards were able to stop her each time. But on her fourth attempt, Patsy was successful. At which point she proceeded to CRASH her car on the highway, breaking her nose and back. --Then after recovering from her injuries, Patsy decided to bring a $1.2 MILLION lawsuit against The Furnace because they didn't stop her from driving drunk . . . at least not enough times. --And on Tuesday, a jury awarded Patsy $100,000 to cover the cost of her medical bills. --To recap, PATSY got wasted at work . . . PATSY drove under the influence . . . and PATSY crashed her car . . . yet the STRIP CLUB has to pay for her medical bills. --Or as the club's attorney puts it, quote, "Bottom line is she got herself drunk, had a terrible wreck and wants someone else to pay for it." (Birmingham News)

YOU CAN GET A TAX DEDUCTION TO COVER THE COST OF YOUR SEX-CHANGE OPERATION:

65-year-old Rhiannon O'Donnabhain was born a man, but she always knew she was a woman deep down. So eight years ago, she finally pulled the trigger and underwent SEXUAL REASSIGNMENT SURGERY. --That year, when Rhiannon was doing her taxes, she attempted to write off $5,000 in medical expenses associated with the surgery. But the IRS rejected her claim because they said the operation was cosmetic and NOT medically necessary. --So Rhiannon sued. And on Tuesday, the U.S. Tax Court sided with her. (!!!) --That means the federal government now considers sex-change operations to be medically necessary . . . just like heart surgery or an appendectomy . . . and that anyone who has one can deduct their medical costs. According to the ruling, quote: --"The evidence amply supports the conclusions that [Rhiannon] suffered from severe [Gender-Identity Disorder], that GID is a well-recognized and serious mental disorder, and that hormone therapy and sex reassignment surgery are considered appropriate and effective treatments for GID." --In other words, if you want to have a sex change, the government's got your back. (Boston Globe)

This week, intelligence officials reported it's highly likely that al-Qaeda will attempt another terrorist attack on the U.S. in the next three to six months. --According to an official with the Senate Intelligence Committee, quote, "The biggest threat is not so much that we face an attack like 9/11. It is that al-Qaeda is adapting its methods in ways that oftentimes make it difficult to detect." Which brings me to this . . . --Recently, agents with Britain's MI5 intelligence service discovered that several Muslim doctors trained in the UK have returned to their native countries, and are using their medical knowledge to outfit suicide bombers with EXPLODING BREAST IMPLANTS. --According to British intelligence, the breast implants are injected with an explosive chemical called PETN . . . and just a few ounces of it could blow, quote, "a considerable hole" in the side of an airplane. --One report reads, quote, "Properly inserted, the implant would be virtually impossible to detect by the usual airport scanning machines. You would need to subject a suspect to a sophisticated X-ray. --"Given that the explosive would be inserted in a sealed plastic sachet, and would be a small amount, would make it all the more impossible to spot it with the usual body scanner." --And they've tried the surgery on male suicide bombers too . . . but they insert the explosives into the appendix area, or the buttocks. (World Net Daily / USA Today)

IRAN LAUNCHED A ROCKET INTO SPACE CONTAINING A MOUSE, TWO TURTLES AND SOME WORMS:

Every few months, Iran pulls some ridiculous stunt to show the rest of the world just how technologically advanced they are. And then, typically, we all get a good laugh at their expense when their "feat" is proven to be a scam. --But I'm not sure exactly what Iran proved with their latest "show of superiority." Listen to this . . . --On Wednesday, officials in Iran announced they successfully launched a light booster rocket into space, which . . . for some reason . . . contained a bunch of animals, including a mouse, two turtles and a dozen worms. (--What, no hermit crabs?) --Defense officials say there's no scientific purpose to launch worms and turtles into space, which makes them think the whole thing was more of a publicity stunt meant to boost Iran's prestige. --According to an official at the Center for Strategic and International Studies, quote: --"The launch was clearly part of Iran's effort to advance military technology and assert political dominance in space. It's also a show of confidence. Space rockets give you prestige and influence, and that is what Iran seeks . . . [But] worms in space serve no purpose." (ABC News)

ALPINE SKIERS WILL PAY AS MUCH AS $300,000 OUT-OF-POCKET TO TRAIN FOR THE OLYMPICS:

The Winter Olympics get under way next week. If your kids get inspired by the Games and decide they want to become an Olympic athlete one day, you may want to gently encourage them to find another path. Here's why . . . --Once they make the national team, most athletes are given funding through the U.S. Olympic Committee to cover the costs of their training. But until you make the Olympic squad, you're on your own. --And, seriously, it costs a TON of money to train for the Olympics. Check it out: --SPEED SKATERS train for an average of four to seven years, at an annual cost of $13,500. That's means they'll spend a grand total of $54,000 to $94,500 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --People who do the LUGE train for an average of ten years, at an annual cost of $5,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $50,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --FREESTYLE SKIERS train for an average of two to ten years, at an annual cost of $6,000 to $8,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $12,000 to $80,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --CROSS-COUNTRY SKIERS train for an average of ten to 12 years, at an annual cost of $6,000 to $8,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $60,000 to $96,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --FIGURE SKATERS train for ten or more years, at an annual cost of $10,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $100,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --SNOWBOARDERS train for an average of eight to ten years, at an annual cost of $3,000 to $14,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $24,000 to $140,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --HOCKEY PLAYERS train for an average of 20 years, at an annual cost of $6,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $120,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --SKI JUMPERS train for an average of ten years, at an annual cost of $13,000 to $14,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $130,000 to $140,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. --And ALPINE SKIERS train for an average of ten years, at an annual cost of $6,000 to $30,000. That means they'll spend a grand total of $60,000 to $300,000 out of pocket before MAYBE making the Olympics. (Forbes)

CHECK OUT A PHOTO OF A WOMAN WHO WAS STABBED IN THE NECK WITH A SIX-INCH KNIFE, AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT: (!!!)

22-year-old Julia Popova lives in Moscow, Russia. Last fall, she was on her way home from work when she was violently attacked by an unidentified man. She tried to fight back, but the guy made off with her purse anyway. But listen to this insanity . . . --After the attack, Julia walked to her parents' house. And it was only then she finally realized that she'd been STABBED during the attack, and the knife was still stuck in the back of her NECK. --Julia was rushed to the hospital, where doctors removed the six-inch blade. She stayed there for ten days, but didn't suffer any long-term damage. Which is amazing, considering the knife only missed her spinal cord by a fraction of an inch. --According to a medic who treated Julia, quote, "Shock had kicked in, and her body prevented her from feeling any pain. She simply walked home without feeling the knife in her back." (--Check out an insane photo of Julia with the knife stuck in her neck. It looks fake, but as far as we can tell, it's real . . .)http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00979/knifemain_979031a.jpg(Sun)

A HUMAN BONE IS ABOUT FOUR TIMES STRONGER THAN CONCRETE:

I think we can all agree that science is a waste of time. (???) Except when it's AWESOME like this . . . --Right now, researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit are conducting a series of studies to see just how much punishment the human body can withstand. Here are some of their findings so far: --Ounce for ounce, human bone is stronger than STEEL, since a steel bar of comparable size would be about four or five times the weight. And overall, bone is about four times stronger than CONCRETE. --A cubic inch of bone can withstand a load of 19,000 pounds. That's about the weight of five pickup trucks. --A quick, effective PUNCH can generate up to 5,000 newtons of force. That's a scientific way of saying that a punch can exert the same amount of force that's exerted downwards on the surface of the earth by 1,000 pounds . . . a half-ton. --And a powerful KICK is the equivalent of a TON of force. --In terms you can understand, the punch of an average-sized man has a 25% chance of cracking a person's ribs. --And a well-placed punch to the face has a 25% chance of knocking the other person unconscious. (MSNBC)

OUR NEW TERM OF THE DAY IS "VAUGEBOOKING":

Now it's time to expand your vocabulary with our New Term of the Day. Today's new term is "Vaguebooking." --According to UrbanDictionary.com, Vaguebooking is defined as, quote, "An intentionally vague Facebook status update that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help." --Possible examples of "Vaguebooking" status updates include, quote: --"Wondering if it was all worth it," and . . . --"Thinking that was a bad idea." (--This has been a public service announcement from your Facebook friends. We're sick of your unspecific status updates, which are impossible to reply to, and are only rooted in your own sense of self-importance. Please get a clue.) (Urban Dictionary)

#2.) A man in Alabama was so upset about the "pay before you pump" policy that he rammed his car through the front of the store and tried to hit the cashier. He's being charged with attempted murder. Here's a news report with the surveillance video.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hSjXUnccds(Search Terms: Roger Mayes Alabama crash gas station)

#3.) This group of elderly women from Florida call themselves the "Raging Grannies." They're pro-choice and angry at CBS for running TIM TEBOW'S pro-life Super Bowl ad. So they recorded a song about how CBS really stands for "Corporate BS". (--Warning: This video contains profanity.)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6oNWi8fXOfg(Search Terms: "Raging Grannies" CBS anti-choice Super Bowl YouTube.com)

#4.) Here's an old woman from New Jersey reacting with disgust as she watches an episode of "Jersey Shore".http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJIqKPfRmWU(Search Terms: "NJ lady ep 5" grandma watches "Jersey Shore")

SEVEN WAYS TO BROWN-NOSE WITHOUT BEING OBVIOUS:

Sometimes it's good to suck up to your boss a little, but you have to be subtle. Here are CareerBuilder.com's seven ways to brown-nose without being obvious . . .

#1.) BE ON TIME. That includes getting to work on time, getting to meetings on time, and not leaving work early. It's a subtle way to show you care about the company.

#2.) BE SUPPORTIVE. Employees don't usually give their boss a pat on the back, but they should. Everyone needs one now and then. Even your boss. Just don't pretend that EVERY idea he has is a good one.

#3.) DON'T SPREAD RUMORS. Office gossip is inevitable, but you can refuse to participate. You don't want anything getting traced back to you. So if you hear something, don't repeat it.

#4.) ADD YOUR TWO CENTS. If you have an idea on how to improve something or increase efficiency, speak up. As long as it's clear you're not badmouthing your co-workers or trying to do your boss's job, he'll appreciate the honest feedback.

#5.) DON'T BE A TATTLE-TALE. The people you work with are bound to slack off every now and then. But don't report everything to your boss. That's what Dwight on "The Office" does, and even Steve Carell resents him for it.

#6.) DON'T BE ANNOYING. If you're constantly sending email updates and popping your head in the door, it won't earn you any respect. Your boss will just get sick of you.

#7.) REMEMBER, YOUR BOSS ISN'T A PROFESSIONAL COMEDIAN. If he tells a joke and it's not that funny, give him a polite chuckle and get on with your work. If you crack up at every single thing he says, it'll look phony. (CareerBuilder.com)