It seems to be behind everything: Light, Dreams, Understanding, Athlete’s Foot, Near Sightedness, Riots, Strife, and Zombies. That just names a few. Oh, Eckankar also seems to be a big player in the anti-litter movement that has focused on highways around the US.

One thing that happened recently was that there was this big beer festival with lots of people from all over the world. They served the best beer of all time there. Westvleteren XII. It was amazing. Ol’ Klemp would have loved it! Yeah, it was grand. And it put a lot of new thoughts into my head. Things I didn’t even know about. And then, after it was over, I started to have dreams. Strange, powerful, dramatic dreams. Dreams that when you wake up and remember them you just have to tell somebody about them. You have to tell somebody anything you can remember. Everything you can remember.

So the dust is scattered through the air. There was a high priest of Eck, I think he was the ruling priest. He seemed extremely looked after and important to the Eckist at least, from what I can recall. His name was something like Yurivehement. Something like that. Something we can’t be certain of anyway.

It was important that I meet in person with Yurivehement. There seemed to be only one way to get in to see him: on a darkened school bus that took you right into the center of the Eckankar compound. I was happy to hop on the school bus and head out there. It had to be done. It was essential for the success of the festival. The project needed to move forward and move with urgency. I was gonna get it done.

It was a long bus trip though, and I was tired. There was plenty of space on the bus so I figured I could sleep. There happened some other people going on the as well, up front. I didn’t really know them, but figured I should ask if it was OK if I slept awhile. They encouraged me to make myself comfortable. It was a long bus ride. Get some rest, they said. Take a load off, they said. So, naturally, I stripped down to my boxers and curled up to sleep.

Next thing I know, I’m awake. Disorientated, but alert…and scared. There was yelling outside the bus…a little pounding on it…and it wasn’t moving. The people in the front were huddled, but I could him them speaking softly. They intended to do something horrible with me, that was clear. I had to get out. I managed (somehow) to slip out one of the back windows of the bus without anybody seeing me and sneak into the Eckankar compound. I wasn’t dressed, so I had to find someplace to get clothes. I found the gym locker room quickly, thank heavens. Then I was out in the halls of the Eck campus. It was filled with students and lockers and classrooms. I had an important package of beers that I had somehow gotten off the bus. I couldn’t let those fall into the wrong hands. I knew I needed to get out there quickly, but also knew they were looking for me and it wouldn’t be easy to escape. I had to pee. I knew I needed to stash my package of important beers someplace before taking them into the bathroom. I couldn’t risk people in the bathroom realizing I was the beer guy they were hunting. I found an inconspicuous bench that had other bags resting under it and slid my pack underneath, then went into the bathroom.

The bathroom was a strange place. There was no conversation of any sort and there was a man standing in the middle of the room, ostensibly keeping watch to make sure that nothing strange happened in the bathroom. This gave me a very uneasy feeling. Then, in came a woman with a baby. She walked up to the urinal next to me and put her baby into it. She proceeded to bathe the baby in the urinal, flushing the toilet to help rinse it. The baby started to cry, and then began to projectile green vomit. This went on without so much as a comment or second glance from anybody else in the bathroom. Man, I needed to get out of there.

Bleh!

On my way out, I was accosted by a strange man with half a normal face and half a face that changed with images on it, like a TV. He also had no teeth at all, on either side of his face. He challenged that I was the person they were hunting for and that I had wronged the Eckankar people, who apparently did not appreciate my ideas about them partnering to put on a beer festival. He claimed that he would summon Yurivehement to the scene and he would use his powers to melt my mind and convert me to the proper ways of living. I responded to him that I had already known Yurivehement and had in fact had lunch with him recently and that he was completely powerless. There was nothing special about Yurivehement. So I said, “Go ahead and summon him. I’m outta here.” With that, I walked off and the dream, as far as I can remember it, ended.