10 things no one ever told me

“Is that normal?!?”, I asked as my teething 6 month old blew bubbles, spat slobber 2 feet in front of him, choked on his saliva and sneezed almost simultaneously. His chapped, red cheeks glistened in the sunlight spilling in from the front window. I question what’s normal at least twice per day, and realize/accept that I don’t really know jack about parenting. Or, I was well aware of the really great things before giving birth, but wasn’t informed of the random changes, situations, and other happenings that occur as babies get older.

No one ever told me…

10. that babies can grasp and pull hair – and bring tears to the victim’s eyes – before they can even crawl.
9. infants can become incredibly perceptive extremely early, and can notice your absence in a room -or even that you’ve turned your back to them for a minute. H.Jeezy’s cry for mommy has changed from a general whiny sound to a yell. Like, “HEY! Why you washin’ dishes, woman! Don’t you turn your back toward me!”
8. that I will gain a newfound self confidence when I master the evening time eat-bath-sleep schedule. And that it will be such a huge deal that I brag about it. Like, a lot.
7. prunes are a terrible, terrrrible idea (I figured it would be a good way to “get things moving”.) Also, no one ever told me that blowouts are practically terrifying. Actually, no one ever told me what a blowout was in the first place (I learned on my own.)
6. No one ever told me that I would talk about blowouts casually.
5. Or write about them on this blog.
4. No one ever told me how horrible the teething experience could potentially be, though they frequently mentioned how hard it is to see your babies hurting. Teething = that and then some.
3. No one ever told me… that I would enjoy playing dress up with the baby as much as I do. It’s kind of creepy.
2. …that I would take a bullet to the chest without hesitation, in an effort to protect my little fella. Seriously. Cut my right arm off, I don’t care.
1. how fearless I’ve become, to the point where my judgment is sometimes questionable (who screams at an NYPD cop?) At the same time, even the slightest, most common baby health related issues – sneezing, little rashes, a scratch on the nose from sharp edges of fingernails – results in internal mommy panic to the point of a near-nervous breakdown.

Stephanie Snyder

3 Responses

Here’s my list for my current 10 month old.
1. Baby clothes are cute, but try getting on an outfit with 5 or more snaps when the baby doesn’t know the definition of what “sitting still” means can be a frustrating struggle in futility.
2. When your baby is a wiggler, you will often try to get an Olympic record for changing poop diapers. You won’t always succeed.
3. A food they love one day may be the first thing thrown on the floor in disgust the next time.
4. Socks will refuse to stay on feet.