I’m Putin, I’m the US president

Note: In the following fantasy, I’m quoting an actual NY Times article that reveals an astonishing Clinton-Putin connection via a uranium deal…

I’m anticipating an apocalyptic Congressional hearing, where the truth comes out. Perhaps Maxine Waters is talking, or Nancy Pelosi—you know, people who can no longer control what is coming out of their mouths—

“There is no doubt that Russia colluded with Trump to swing the election to him, so he’s not the real president, Hillary Clinton is the real president (brain short-circuit occurs)…on April 23, 2015, the NY Times ran a story under the headline: Cash Flowed to Clinton Foundation Amid Russian Uranium Deal. I quote the Times: ‘The sale gave the Russians control of one-fifth of all uranium production capacity in the United States’.”

“Trump is the enemy. His people talked with Russians. Russians talked with them (brain short-circuit)…I quote the Times: ‘But the untold story behind that story is one that involves not just the Russian president, but also a former American president [Bill Clinton] and a woman [Hillary Clinton] who would like to be the next one’.”

“Trump is Russian. He worked for the KGB for a decade (brain short-circuit)…I quote the Times: ‘At the heart of the tale are several men, leaders of the Canadian mining industry, who have been major donors to the charitable endeavors of former President Bill Clinton and his family. Members of that group built, financed and eventually sold off to the Russians a company that would become known as Uranium One’.”

“Trump is a cousin of Lenin and Karl Marx. He was a boyhood pal of Stalin (brain short-circuit)…I quote the Times: ‘Frank Giustra…a mining financier, has donated $31.3 million to the foundation run by former President Bill Clinton…Since [US] uranium is considered a strategic asset, with implications for national security, the deal [to sell Uranium One and US uranium to Putin] had to be approved by a committee composed of representatives from a number of United States government agencies. Among the agencies that eventually signed off was the State Department, then headed by Mr. Clinton’s wife, Hillary Rodham Clinton’.”

“Trump helped overthrow the Czar in Russia and establish the center of worldwide Communism (brain short-circuit)…I quote the Times: ‘As the Russians gradually assumed control of Uranium One in three separate transactions from 2009 to 2013, Canadian records show, a flow of cash made its way to the Clinton Foundation. Uranium One’s chairman used his family foundation to make four donations totaling $2.35 million. Those contributions were not publicly disclosed by the Clintons, despite an agreement Mrs. Clinton had struck with the Obama White House to publicly identify all donors. Other people with ties to the company made donations as well’.”

“Trump is from Jupiter. The Jupiterians have a long–standing treaty with Putin. Trump’s father is from Jupiter (brain short-circuit)…I quote from the Times: ‘And shortly after the Russians announced their intention to acquire a majority stake in Uranium One, Mr. Clinton received $500,000 for a Moscow speech from a Russian investment bank with links to the Kremlin that was promoting Uranium One stock’.”

CNN would report this apocalyptic Congressional hearing thusly: “President Trump was exposed as a KGB agent from Jupiter. According to several sources who spoke off the record because they work for federal agencies, a British former MI-6 agent has documents proving Mr. Trump’s birth on Jupiter…”

CNN commentator Chris Cuomo would follow up: “We, the media, can have access to the Trump-Jupiter documents. You, the public, are not permitted to read them. We read them and tell you what they mean. So keep your mouths shut and keep looking at the screen, keep looking at me and I will tell you what these documents mean.”

The author of three explosive collections, THE MATRIX REVEALED, EXIT FROM THE MATRIX, and POWER OUTSIDE THE MATRIX, Jon was a candidate for a US Congressional seat in the 29th District of California. He maintains a consulting practice for private clients, the purpose of which is the expansion of personal creative power. Nominated for a Pulitzer Prize, he has worked as an investigative reporter for 30 years, writing articles on politics, medicine, and health for CBS Healthwatch, LA Weekly, Spin Magazine, Stern, and other newspapers and magazines in the US and Europe. Jon has delivered lectures and seminars on global politics, health, logic, and creative power to audiences around the world. You can sign up for his free NoMoreFakeNews emails here or his free OutsideTheRealityMachine emails here.

Jupiter, the King of the Gods, . In Astrology, Jupiter is a planet of plenty. It is tolerant and expansive. The first of the social planets, Jupiter seeks insight through knowledge. Some of this planet’s keywords include morality, gratitude, hope, honor, and the law. Jupiter is a planet of broader purpose, reach, and possibility.

Jupiter has generally been associated with good luck and bounty. Optimism and growth (including mental and spiritual growth) come under its rule. On the up side, Jupiter is associated with a sense of humor, good will, and mercy.