WHY BUYING A COURT PAINTER REPRODUCTION HAS NEVER BEEN EASIER
At the very least, nobody can accuse the Great Dominion’s Court Painter of trying to conceal what he’s selling once you get by the sign outside his Inglewood studio featuring a menacing carved self portrait figure—with a warning sign.”Spitting on Artworks Prohibited”

Duly noted!

At the studio entrance a more thoughtful sentiment greets the visitor.

“Living Life without Art is like a Dog without a Bone ,” the slogan reads.

Walk through the door, and any lingering doubt about what’s for sale goes up in smoke.

Much like a jewellery store, a glass display case features a wide selection of reproductions of Court Painter with some sealed in various size plastic baggies. A barn-board feature wall is hung with the larger more expensive collectables.A black chalkboard lists every portrait variety, from “Organic Court Painter” to “ Court Painter Rush” to “Sunny Court Painter” to “Nirvana Court Painter”.

One of the latest additions on the menu, “Presumptive Court Painter,” comes highly recommended. “I just hung that one last night,” one unpaid studio intern, standing behind the display case, tells a customer. “I really thought it rocked and we recommend an orange frame.”

Edible self portraits of gingerbread Court Painters are also in stock and even lists the calorie count (121).

At first glance, there is nothing unique about this particular painting studio except for the smokey haze that hangs permanently in the air.

Says Court Painter: “I think the time has come for me to say it is perfectly fine to sell reproductions especially edibles and we’re going to sell to any adult that walks in our doors. You know what? Kids and art students with allowances are welcome also.”

For now, profit is the thing on Court Painter’s mind. He is focused on his expansion plans, including a deal under negotiations with Tim Hortons franchisees in the Greater Calgary Area. “I think it’s in the public’s best interest for the portrait dispensaries to be the business model that the socialist government and the disunited right opposition rolls with,” he says. “At the end of the day, though, I’ve come to accept the fact that: ‘Who knows?’ I could end up getting put out of business by jealous low life portrait painters stuck in a 20th century business model and packin’ fire bombs, or it could go in my favour and I’m destined to become a member of the middle class.”

MORE THAN 20,000, SOME STILL SMOULDERING CIGARETTE BUTTS WENT INTO DEPICTING A SELF PORTRAIT OF COURT PAINTER AND SETTING A NEW WORLD RECORD IN THE CITY SUNDAY.

Court Painter is now the Guinness record holder of the largest cigarette butt mosaic, according to A Hardon MacKay, Press Attache and marketing director with the Court Painter studios.

“It looks like a smouldering mess up-close but from a drone it really comes together,” he said. “It’s very stunning. It is a mosaic, so it really looks like a piece of art in spite of the subject.”

A Guinness judge from New York City came to inspect the 22,036 butts designed to resemble the giant face of the Great Dominions preeminent portraitist of the political elite as the city marked the final day of the 2016 Calgary Stampede.He said there was no doubt Court Painter had “kicked the butt of all the competition.”

“He confirmed that we had the right number of butts that we said we did, and then he held his nose and counted them and he double-checked everything, triple-checked everything, and then he had to look at it from the drone video and make sure that it was a good likeness as we said it would be, and then he awarded us,” Hardon said. “It was really exciting.”

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Court Painter who usually is quite modest about undertaking self portraits was on board with the idea “from Day 1,” said Hardon. The cigarette butts came from Court Painter’s private collection since he is a certified hoarder and had plenty on hand and as a special touch the mosaic was torched lightly to give the butts a second smouldering life.

The Court Painter didn’t work with a design firm to create the mosaic, which covered almost 500 square feet,”I am a real artist in the Arte Povera tradition not a commercial artist,” he exhorted!

Court Painter’s mosaic record breaks a title previously held by a large-scale mosaic made of a mixed media cigar butts and pigeon droppings in Venice.

“I just wanted to do something unique and really fun during Stampede, because it’s such an important time of year for me to undertake a new marketing thrust,” Court Painter gushed.

The mosaic, which took an hour to assemble, will be hosed down Monday. But A Hardon MacKay said photos and a Guinness World Records plaque will be on display on Court Painter’s Inglewood studio door to mark the title.

You know, it’s when someone gives you the head’s up. Make sure you’re there. It will be worth it.

Then it arrives.

Court Painter, the former Harper court portraitist, gets the endorsement of his former official patron.

No one can mistake the message. Harper doesn’t mince words.”Court Painter is the beating heart of Alberta and the Great Dominion’s conservative painting movement.”

The Harper love comes just days after Court Painter announces he will continue to work to have one unifying conservative art theory with him as the author, ready to lay waste the socialist unionized art vermin that has taken over the Alberta art market.

Saturday night this early act of political theatre came to Court Painter’s Inglewood studio.

Stephen Harper, former prime minister and Calgary MP, took to the painting crate stage in the swan-song of his political career, the end of the line for the longest-serving prime minister since Sir John A. MacDonald.

In his short address to the enthusiastic crowd, Harper wants to take “a little moment on Alberta and Court Painter.”

“Someone has stepped forward to bring an agenda of conservative art theory unity and free enterprise change to the Alberta art scene.He paints it like it is,not like it feels. ”

An interesting aside.

At this back alley, about this time 23 years ago former premier Ralph Klein claimed victory in a hard-fought election.

It rained. It was also raining hard this day in Inglewood but, by the time Harper spoke on the make shift painting crate stage, the sky was blue again.

Then the crescendo.

Court Painter had brought out his drum set with his unpaid studio interns on the bongos.

Over the cacophony Harper says ,” there is a principled, thoughtful and highly capable conservative portraitist and unifyer. He paints what you are thinking, he paints it like it is.”

Here we go.

He asks all Alberta Art & Hobby Society members to join him and work to support Court Painter in his role as the Great Dominions preeminent portraitist of pompous political personages.

Cue the standing ovation.

Before you can say: Thank you so much Stephen, there is a press release in our hot little hands.

Naturally, Court Painter is over the moon and wants to share that feeling.Cue the drum roll!

Still, there is more than one actor in this drama.

A couple hours or so earlier, A Hardon MacKay, Press Attache to Court Painter and an Albertan for 2.5 years, tells us he is “unabashedly supportive” of Court Painter’s unifying art force in Alberta.

Better still for Court Painter he is “behind him 100%…no make that 110%!”

“I hope all face painters get together and do what they need to do to create a united path to monetizing this free enterprise opportunity.”

Is that the free enterprise cavalry we hear saddling up?

After Harper’s blessing, Court Painter does a 10 minute drum solo and calls the night’s proceedings a “great start” to his campaign for unity and new commissions.

He hopes Albertans who want to ditch the ‘unionized art for the people’ Dippers will listen to Harper.

“It’s clear a majority are rejecting the hidden studio agenda and high art tax policies of the NDP government that’s making the hand painted portrait commission recession much worse than it needs to be.”

“I think what we heard was an explicit endorsement of exactly the business plan I’ve laid out.”