Actually, you are in luck! While we regrettably do not have an office in the Inland Empire, if you are willing to make the trek to Los Angeles, we do have a representative who can meet with you and guide you to a Satanic safehouse. Just go to the NE corner of Compton Boulevard and Alameda Street, poke two holes in a white pillowcase and put it on your head.

We have someone watching via closed circuit television at all hours. His name is Agent Beauregard Jackson.

When someone approaches you, the code phrase is:

"What the FUCK are you looking at, Beauregard?"

(Shout this phrase as loud as you can. Agent Jackson is a bit hard of hearing.)

If this is inconvenient, the best we can do is direct you to The Church of Satan's web site at www.churchofsatan.com, which will provide you with all of the information you need. Actually, had you read the information provided at that web address thoroughly, you would already know the correct answer to your question.

If you follow the instructions above, you may become eligible for a prestigious Darwin Award.

Quote:Actually, you are in luck! While we regrettably do not have an office in the Inland Empire, if you are willing to make the trek to Los Angeles, we do have a representative who can meet with you and guide you to a Satanic safehouse. Just go to the NE corner of Compton Boulevard and Alameda Street, poke two holes in a white pillowcase and put it on your head.

We have someone watching via closed circuit television at all hours. His name is Agent Beauregard Jackson.

Quote:Actually, you are in luck! While we regrettably do not have an office in the Inland Empire, if you are willing to make the trek to Los Angeles, we do have a representative who can meet with you and guide you to a Satanic safehouse. Just go to the NE corner of Compton Boulevard and Alameda Street, poke two holes in a white pillowcase and put it on your head.

We have someone watching via closed circuit television at all hours. His name is Agent Beauregard Jackson.

If luaghing one's self sick is a crime, you should be arrested, Sir! This is the only kind of answer to those seeking a 'Friendly neighbourhood Satanic walk-in centre.'

Shit, those fucking shysters at the Church Of $cientology have one in the upper west side of New York, maybe the CoS should have one.

Nah...

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Quote of the year: "Did you actually just post your phone number? Do you have any idea how many freaks and losers and potential stalkers frequent this board!?" by Agt_Malebranche.

When you say "we", you are referring to the secret Satanic collective whose continued membership of The Church of Satan depends entirely on their ability to kidnap unsuspecting neophytes and teach them life's harsher realities, yes?

I have some string and a reel of sticky tape.

If you let me watch, I'll make nice cups of tea for everyone...

Hail Satan!

~ DE

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~ Reverend Entity

Nothing is better than to live according to one's taste. - François Villon