Tuesday, 19 April 2011

Triplet mama

I agree. Mothers of multiples. We smug, fierce, warrior women, weathering this blood, toil, tears and sweat. We fight a battle everyday and deserve a medal for surviving, no mistake. Make mine Godiva, or 70% cocoa. No Cadbury's brown lard, if you're asking.

Yes, Dawn with the lovely voice. She reminded me. Practical problems like holding, feeding, changing, dressing, walking, shopping, vehicles, pavements, roads. The library, with its lift to the children's section on the first floor. It can't take a triple buggy and no-one will help on the stairs. Passers-by stare, but no-one weighs in to say, Shall I take one up? Instead, there are arguments to be made, access to fight for, people to stare down, more battles to fight. Somewhere, you sleep.

Then, did I forget, or did anyone mention the loneliness? The friggin empty loneliness. He climbs into your house with his big ugly boots and kicks you in the head. Triplet mama, now you are flip-flopped into the world where you don't fit and no-one wants you. Get used to it, stranger. Alone with your own home-made crowd.

Some women hate you, literally. They could walk up to you and spit in your face. They fight against time with its armies of days and months. Their goal is one single, perfect baby. But you, you. Thoughtlessly, you marched in, proclaiming an undeserving three. One woman, two miscarriages in, growled her congratulation with a unsmiling mouth and steady eye. What could the triplet mama say to make the injustice right?

Then there are women for whom your presence is a judgement. There are new mothers, overwhelmed and lost, struggling to live with one tiny child, cradled sleeping in their arms. Then here, right into their empty gaze, strides the triplet queen. She's juggling more babies than you can hold, or even safely see. She's changing, feeding, ordering the universe with all her undeterred, unbreakable, unshakable purpose. Eyes are averted. The floor is fascinating. Truly, even the wall is more welcoming than the sight of you.

There are others yet, for whom you are the freak. You are the novelty show, the bearded lady, the sideshow spectacle. They look at you quietly, shake their heads and murmur Poor cow. Some will stand in front of you to block your quiet progress. They'll say, not Good Morning, but Are they natural? Pause for a moment and it lets them all come. Did you give birth normally? Were you big? Are they normal? What can I say by a stroke of my beard.

But there are women who need to know. Tell us how bad you feel now. How you drowned; know the moment you went under; all your confessions. Guilt is a terrible thing to bear, isn't it? And we all know you failed, triplet mama. You can't feed three babies with two breasts unless you have bad magic means, like triple breasts and the end of the world up your sleeve.

Maybe your story gives comfort. It was never as bad as that for them! Phew!

But who can help you? Who can you really talk to, but other triplet mothers who know the same as you?

So yes, brought it all back, the non-normality of it all, the freak show candidacy, the isolation and exclusion and the solitude of the experience, always surrounded by people. With waves of the hand in your direction, with ringing words this won't apply to you while everyone laughs, nervously, because whatever life is, it applies to them. They can take comfort from that. There is safety in numbers. They can share.

You can't, triplet mama. Your experience is not like theirs. Where can you go, swimming out of your depth, far away from shore, with no turning back.

Other stuff

We have educated triplet girls to age 16 by never sending them to school.

At age 16, one daughter is now at 6th form for A levels, so you can find out about culture clash.

The other two daughters are taking a year to think what they want to do next, because we run at our own pace.If you are looking for primary, try the archives under 2011 or 2012. Ideas? Try Seven days with elephants.

Secondary home ed? Try 2012 or 2014 through to 2016.

Exams made life boring for us all and the blog stopped for long periods so the home educated could concentrate on enjoying some teens.

From 2016, expect the blog to start concentrating on me, me, me, because it's my turn.

Home ed style: Secular, philosophical, eclectic, autonomous.

Exams: own choice IGCSE courses. The HE-exams group is a must-join. I gave formal lessons in nothing.

where is everybody?

This blog is a record of a home educationwrit for parents thinking about home edwrit for the LA who need an education about home edwrit for Grit's friends and relations who drop in once a yearand writ for Grit's sane and lovely mind.

The internal DCSF Consultation Report, made public 23 January. (pdf)In Annex A, 94% of respondents disagreed that the local authority should have the power to interview a home educated child alone.When this comes out Ed Balls' mouth in the Second Reading Debate, 94% against turns to:'The vast majority of parents would be happy to let that happen'(Hansard 11.01.10, Children, Schools and Families Bill, col 437.)

Love it or loathe it? The petition still broke a record.Press release in the Mirror, Channel4 news, the Guardian.

'Even if you don't currently see yourself home educating, you never know what the future might hold, and if a time comes when you find yourself needing to pull your child out of school, I hope the option is still available to you, and you don't regret thinking *it's nothing to do with me*.'

Read the Right to Reply'Home educators are renowned for their strong opinions and independent spirit. They come from all faiths and none. They have as many approaches to education as there are children. They rarely agree on anything. And yet they are remarkably united in their opposition to these proposals. There is great concern that their way of life will be legislated out of existence.'--Response to the Badman Review of Elective Home Education in England and reaction to the Select Committee hearing.

The problem with home educators is that they are impossible to define. The only things that links them is respect for their children. And did the state just stagger foolishly across that line?Are we sandal wearing tree huggers who let our kids run wild or control mad Jesus freaks who don't want them learning about sex and evolution? Are we hot housing or leaving them to watch TV and play computer games all day? -Firebird.The UK government suggested that we home educate our children to cover up our abuse.On that issue, would you like some statistics?

'The Department [for Children, Schools and Families] is aware that attempts are being made on the Internet to vilify and harass the author of the review. It is the Department's view that, whilst dealing with each request on its merits, this situation will have to be taken into account in dealing with any relevant FOI requests. ... we anticipate the need to consider whether it is in the public interest to release information likely to intensify any such campaign, or to lead to harassment or distress to individuals.'Hello DCSF. Vilify: to make vicious and defamatory statements about.Like putting it about that home educated children are abused by their parents? Isolated? Unsocialised? Denied an education?And the latest one, that their mothers have Munchhausen's Syndrome by Proxy, and benefit from their child's suffering.

... compulsory registration, entry to the home, inspection according to external standards, and power to see the child without the parent present.By implication this applies to anyone who has their child at home with them: particularly parents with under 5s, but also those with school-aged children who are at home in the evenings, over the weekends, and throughout the summer holidays. Think on: the possibility of parental inspection, with or without your presence, based on the very human whim of a local authority officer.Is that okay with you?Renegade Parent on the implications for all parents from the Badman review of home education.

'Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children'.(Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948, Article 26.3)

Photos and text copyright Grit.This is Grit's blog. The pictures come from her broken phone camera, and they are hers by right.

The words too are Grit's, Grit's, all Grit's. This is not to say you cannot use any words that Grit uses - after all, she is the unhinged woman who once banned SOIL - but you just cannot lift them in the long, complex and lovely arrangements, like the ones Grit has writ.

Please ask! If you wish to take images from this site, please send an email to gritsday@gmail.com

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