Unless you have been living in the caves or in the forest, then you have surely heard of “like”, “tweets”, “retweet” and “selfie”. In this age of social media, there are endless ways to shout to the whole wide world of what is happening in one’s life. Facebook, twitter, instagram, flixster, flicker, and the list continues. After all, who doesn’t have that gratified feeling seeing a picture on Facebook and Instagram “liked” or a tweet “favorited” and “retweeted” by another user?

So what is behind this established culture in social media? With a lot of ways to solicit positive feedback, are we becoming self-absorbed? Or is this simply a new and different way to connect, bond and share our lives with others?

Is Social Media Making You a Narcissist?

When one goes to any social networking site, one will see a barrage of pictures, most of which is labeled as what is now known as “selfie”. After all, “selfie” will not be the “2013 Oxford word of the year” for nothing.

A study from University of Michigan indicated that the more young and middle-aged adults post “selfies” on Facebook and Twitter, the more narcissists he or she is. This same study also indicated that narcissistic adults consider Facebook as their personal mirror. In the same light, a study at Western Illinois University contrasted participants’ scores on the Narcissistic Personality Inventory to Facebook usage. Researches discovered that those who are more self-absorbed indicated more activity on the site.

Obviously, the studies showed that there has to be, at some point, a correlation between social media and narcissism.

Instant Self–Gratification

Being comfortable to having even the most minor needs accommodated, we become more needy and entitled. That is to say, we tend to become narcissistic. For example, the more “likes” and “retweets” that some individuals receive gives them a feeling of satisfaction and importance. In reality, they characterize a form of assurance that they are accepted and appreciated by a large number of “friends”. This is despite the fact that they may not really be close to most of them, or worst, some may be just considered as virtual friends.

Yes, It Might be Insecurity or Stronger Self-Esteem

While the relationship of the use of social media and narcissism has been established, the former should not be solely attributed to the latter. Those persons that post banal and uninteresting status and/or comments with the hope of getting “likes” and “retweets” seems more likely to be the case of having insecurity. The psychology behind this is that as a person gets caught up in the popularity drive that goes with online involvement, it is easy to feel insecure and anxious about one’s status. As a result, this may cause him or her to post more updates, selfies, or tweets in an attempt to bolster his or her virtual presence.

On the other hand, a study from the University of Georgia indicated a positive connection between the amount of time on “Facebooking” and self esteem. Specifically, the results indicated that a “like” on Facebook will boost one’s ego, resulting to a jolt in self-esteem. This may not necessarily be unhealthy.

So, Does the Use of Social Media Make You Self-Obsessed?

There is no doubt that social media has caused a radical change in the way we communicate and connect with family and friends. In reality, status updates in any of the social networking sites make people have that feeling of connectedness with their loved ones who are all the way across other parts of the globe. This in turn can boost one’s self-esteem and self-confidence. The psychology behind this is still in the process of being untangled by social psychologists. Future studies may reveal more about what “selfies”, “likes”, “tweets”, “retweets” etc. are doing to our psyches. While you are not encouraged to deactivate your accounts on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc., it is strongly suggested that you take time and reflect on how you use social media.

The ultimate question is: Are your status updates, tweets, and “selfies” about connecting and being positive, or are you simply looking for something to enhance your own ego?

Self-reflection can go a long way toward making a distinction between self-esteem and narcissism.

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There are several approaches or models in psychotherapy, one of which is Integrative Psychotherapy. While I believe that each of the approaches has its unique features and contributions in the field of psychotherapy, the growth of Integrative Psychology is a significant development which should not be disregarded. In fact, several researches indicate that psychotherapy is moving toward an integrated approach. In addition to this, a lot of psychologists or counselors from all over the world, when asked about his or her theoretical orientation, the most frequent response would be integrative psychotherapy.

Human behaviour is a complex matter and there is a range of client types with specific problems. With a different variety of mental illnesses and psychological disorders, each patient has a different pattern of behavioural and psychological (including cognitive and affective) symptoms that influence multiple life areas and results to distress for the person experiencing these symptoms. Integrative psychotherapy brings together the affective, cognitive, behavioural, and physiological systems within a person, with an awareness of the environmental aspects (social, economic, interactions, etc.) surrounding the person. These concepts are used within a perspective of human development in which each stage of life introduces heightened developmental tasks, need sensitivities, crises, and opportunities for new learning. Taking into account this framework, effective psychotherapy involves expertise in a combination of cognitive, affective, and behavioural techniques. This combination is important to help clients think about their beliefs, outlooks, and assumptions, to feel their conflicts and struggles within themselves and their environment, and by translating their insights into action as reflective in the behaviours they exhibit in day-to-day living. With this, it is sensible to cross boundaries and to develop an approach that best fits the situation. The fundamental question is “What does the individual need for him or her to suffer less, heal, grow, or to cope more effectively?” A client’s problem and the kind of intervention he or she may need are different from another’s. It is important for a psychotherapist to decide what techniques, procedures, or intervention methods to maximize, when to use them, and with which clients these are applicable.

As an approach to psychotherapy integrative psychotherapy nurtures a hopeful view of human beings and of their capacity to be self-determining. It encourages the distinctly human characteristics of choice and creativity. It also emphasize that human beings are strongly influenced by different forces in society, either in a positive or negative way. This stress on individual freedom is complemented by the recognition of a person’s interdependence and responsibility to society.

Developing an integrative perspective in psychotherapy is a lifelong endeavour. It is not enough to know the basics of the different approaches in psychotherapy. It is always important for a psychotherapist to expand his or her knowledge based from one’s own experience and at the same taking into account the developments of each of the therapeutic model. I believe that with the rapid development of today’s world, it is important to be open-minded and receptive to changes while integrating these to one’s own value systems and principles in life.

Love is a many-splendor thing…so goes the title of a classic song in the 1950’s by Sammy Fain and which eventually became an Academy Awards-nominated movie of the same title. This, and more, describes love. But what really is love? Why do people fall in love? How do people fall in love? And how should one know if it is really love or just pure attraction? One can ask a hundred more questions about love, the point is, everyone is vulnerable to the feelings of love. A lot of people spend their lives searching for it, craving for it. Some say it is the greatest virtue.

Love is a basic human emotion. Yes, basic, yet it’s mysterious. Thus, many believe that love moves in mysterious ways. Others say that love is something that science cannot explain. In fact, love as a concept has only fairly recently became the subject of scientific study.

So while poets can put many romantic thoughts and feelings into words, songwriters into songs and painters into canvasses, love is so unfathomable that science is needed to explain it. After all, psychologists have a lot to say about how and why people fall in love, sometimes at the wrong time and place, and often times driving a lot of people in the realm of craziness.

Different Theories of Love

Psychologists and researchers have proposed a number of different theories of love. Some of these are the following:

Liking vs. Loving

As stated by American social psychologist Zick Rubin, romantic love is composed of three interrelated elements: attachment, caring, and intimacy. Attachment refers to the need to be taken care of, receive approval and physical contact with the other half of the relationship. Caring refers to giving value the other person’s needs and happiness as much as one’s own. Intimacy, on the other hand, refers to the exchanges of thoughts, desires, and feelings with the other person.

Compassionate vs. Passionate Love

According to psychologist Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues, the two basic types of love are compassionate love and passionate love. Mutual respect, attachment, affection, and trust are the components of compassionate love. In addition, it usually develops out of feelings of mutual understanding and shared respect for one another. Passionate love, on the other hand, is characterized by mutual intense emotions and affection coupled with sexual attraction and anxiety. When these intense emotions are reciprocated, an individual feels ecstatic and contented. But when unreciprocated, love results to feelings of despair, despondence and hopelessness.

Hatfield believes that passionate love is ephemeral, lasting for only about 6 to 30 months. In addition, Hatfield suggests that passionate love develops because of three things: when cultural expectations encourage falling in love, when the person has the qualities of one’s preconceived notions of an ideal love, and when one experience intensified physiological arousal in the presence of the other person.

It is ideal to say that passionate love can lead to a far more enduring compassionate love. While most individuals want a relationship that is a combination of the stability of compassion and the intensity of passionate love, Hatfield insisted this is a rare case.

The Color Wheel Model of Love

John Alan Lee, a Canadian psychologist, asserted the idea that there are six types of interpersonal love. Three are considered primary and the other three secondary. In his book “The Colors of Love,” published in 1973, Lee expounded on the six types of love and assigns colors to each. Basically, Lee compared the styles of love to the color wheel.

According to Lee, the three primary styles of love are the following: eros, ludos, and storge. Eros came from the Greek word “erotic”, which means a passionate physical and emotional love. Eros is symbolized by the color red. Ludus is a Latin word referring to “sport or play, a love that is played as a game.” It is symbolized by the color blue. Storge is a Greek word which means “friendship”. It is an affectionate love that gradually develops from friendship. The color yellow symbolizes “storge”.

Pragma, mania, and agape are the secondary styles of love according to Lee. Pragma is a Greek word which means “practical”. This refers to love that is driven by the head and not the heart. Green symbolizes “pragma”. Mania is a Greek word which means “frenzy”. This love is considered to be highly volatile to the point of obsession. The color violet symbolizes “mania”. Lastly, agape is a Greek word which means “divine or spiritual”. Agape is considered to be the purest love. It is symbolized by the color orange.

Triangular Theory of Love

The triangular theory of love is proposed by Robert Sternberg, an American psychologist. According to him, the following are the components of love: intimacy, passion, and commitment. These components, when combined, results to different types of love. An example of this is the combination of intimacy and passion leads to passionate love. Compassionate love, on the other hand, is a result of intimacy and commitment. Another kind of love, which Sternberg believes is the strongest and most enduring yet the rarest, is the consummate love. This is intimacy, passion, and commitment all rolled into one.

So is Love Biological or Is It a Cultural Phenomenon?

Is love a human drive, or does it arises because of social pressures and expectations? Some believe that love could only be either of both. For example, psychologist and author Lawrence Casler, believes that love is brought about by social pressures, thus adhering to the idea that love is a cultural phenomenon. Anthropological research, however, suggests that love is a universal human emotion and is most likely stimulated by both biological drives and cultural influences. So while hormones and biology are important in love, the way to express and experience love is influenced by an individual and/or society’s conceptions of love.

Fall in Love and Get High!!!

During a romantic love, a lot of changes take place that both men and women experience. It seems inaccurate to say “falling in love” because when one experience love he or she feels high that puts him or her on cloud nine.

Falling in love is a powerful moment that an individual feels invigorated. Flushed cheeks, a pounding heart, and clammy hands are some of the outward signs of falling in love.

According to Helen Fisher of Rutgers University in New Jersey, there are three stages in falling in love. Each of the stages involves a different set of chemicals. Regardless of what stage of falling in love, these chemicals make a person “high” enough to be in cloud nine.

Stage 1: Lust

Lust is compelled by the sex hormones testosterone and estrogen. Testosterone plays a major role in the sex drive of both men and women. These hormones, as Helen Fisher describes “get you out looking for anything”.

Stage 2: Attraction

This is the truly love-struck stage. When an individual falls in love, he or she can think of nothing else but the other person he or she is in love with. Some might even lose their appetite and sleeps less, opting to spend hours at a time daydreaming about their new lover.

In the attraction stage, a group of neuro-transmitters called ‘monoamines’ play a significant role:

Dopamine – Also activated by cocaine and nicotine.

Norepinephrine – Also known as adrenalin. Makes an individual sweat and gets the hear pounding.

Serotonin – This is one of love’s most important chemicals and one that may actually make an individual temporarily insane.

Stage 3: Attachment

If the relationship is going to last, it is important to reach the attachment stage. Attachment is a longer and lasting commitment. It is the bond that makes couples stay together. Important in this stage are the two hormones that are released by the nervous system, which are believed to play roles in social attachments:

Oxytocin – This is released by the hypothalamus gland during child birth and also makes the breast discharge milk. It contributes to the strong bond between mother and child. Oxytocin is also released during orgasm be both men and women, contributing to the intimacy. The theory goes to say that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes.

Vasopressin – Another important chemical in the long-term commitment stage. It is considered as the monogamy chemical.

All These and More, so What Really is LOVE?

There are lots of definitions of love. Each person has his or her own accounts of love, depending on his or her own experiences. One thing is for sure, at least for me, love is never selfish. It is the power of giving freedom to the right of each human being to be happy in love, no matter how hard it takes.

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Breaking up is a difficult thing to do. If you have invested your emotion into a relationship, it is difficult to just let it go. This is true especially for those who have been in the relationship for quite some time. However, there instances in which it is best to just give it up. How would you know when it is high time to let go?

See if you are just in this relationship because you don’t want to hurt your partner. If this is your main reason for still going on with the relationship, then it won’t serve you well. This will just make you a weaker person. The relationship must help you grow and be able to confront your feelings. If it does nothing but to stop you from being honest, then it is the opposite of what you must get out of a relationship.

Determine how you feel especially when you are outside with your partner. If you start to feel embarrassed, then this is not working anymore. Your relationship must be something that you are proud of. If you feel this way, there is something wrong. You can’t stay that way for a long time. Better yet, just put an end to everything.

Find out if you stay in the relationship because you don’t want to feel alone and start all over again. Being in a relationship is not a simple test of endurance. It is not about who lasts the longest. It is more of what you have learned out of being there. If you are tired to start over and that’s your main reason for holding on, then there is no point at all.

Check your similarities and differences. Yes, opposites attract, but it can’t stay that way forever. If you differ in many things especially in major decisions, it might be high time to put a stop to it.

Hopefully, you will find the courage to break up when needed. Rest assured, you can find refuge in fun activities when you are emotionally troubled. Check out Florida Georgia Line Zone.

Every culture around the world has a custom or practice on the use of fragrance and these customs have been in use since ancient times. In days long ago, when ventilation and indoor plumbing were still unknown, people used aromatic tree resins to take away musty smells in their homes, whenever a visitor calls. The burning of incense to perfume the air and to purify the surroundings has been practiced by churches through the ages. No doubt, man’s utility and pleasure in fragrances have continued until the present day.

Your sense of smell is one of the most powerful among the senses. Just a whiff of a scent can trigger past memories, whet an appetite, uplift a mood or create a general sense of well-being. Fragrance is a part of everyday life: it is used in soaps, cosmetics, shampoos, detergents, and even cleaning solutions.

A clear gauge of how important fragrance is to people is the fact that perfume sales worldwide amount to billions of dollars annually. Celebrities have even their own lines of perfume. One of the best selling is the Katy Perry perfume line. In 2013, the pop star launched her third perfume called Killer Queen, a title of one of the songs by the rock band, Queen, whose songs she sometimes performs in her concerts. To get more information on Katy Perry’s tour schedules and tickets, go to http://www.katyperryzone.com/concert-tickets-tour-dates/.

Fragrances play a big role in the quality of life that you live, as experts believe that they do have an impact on your psyche. The fresh scent of lemon is invigorating in the same way as that of lavender is soothing. Scents can make people more alert, improve learning ability and increase productivity in the workplace.

A fragrance’s effect can be explained by the connection of your sense of smell to the limbic system of the brain, which is the part of the brain that deals with emotions and memories. This is the primary reason why pleasant scents can be a major contributing factor to feelings of happiness or relaxation. Similarly, a disgusting smell can make you feel irritable and depressed.

It is amazing to think that something that is unseen can have such an impact on the emotions and the mind. Hence, in times when your mood needs cheering up, remember how a certain fragrance can lend its help.

Posted by Krista Gray in Psychology on 20. Mar, 2014 | Comments Off on Studies Reveal That Women are More Forgiving Than Men

According to a study conducted by the Case Western Reserve University, it was revealed that women are more forgiving than men. Most men find it difficult to let go of a mistake committed by someone against them. However, this can be changed when men start to develop empathy towards the person who has done them wrong. This is true especially if they have realized that they are also capable of acting in the same manner themselves.

In fact, this is not the first study that has revealed such a result. In several other studies conducted between 1998 and 2005, the same results were shown. In the research, questions were asked to individuals and groups to determine which gender is more forgiving.

According to Julie Juola Exline, they have tried doing the experiment over and over again to see if they can shy away from the result. However, after several trials, they are led to the same conclusion. One of the studies even sought for the subjects’ attitude towards the 9/11 terrorists and the response of the government. When this issue was raised, women tend to think of their own government doing the similar acts with the terrorists if they are to avenge the country. This is why they become more supportive of negotiation and peace talks.

It was also found out in the study that women are taught to be more forgiving and to learn how to build relationships at an early age. This makes them more forgiving as they grow older. However, when empathy is at play, both genders tend to soften and become less vengeful.

Well, it really is easier to forgive and let go rather than to keep everything inside. If someone has done you wrong and you wish to forget everything, you might want to watch a Bruno Mars concert. If so, you can reserve tickets via MusoTickets now.

My experiences in life taught me the following outlook: there is a reciprocal interaction between an individual and his or her environment and there should be a concrete analysis of concrete situation. With these outlook comes other interconnecting values and beliefs that I also subscribe to. First, I think that the relationship of the individual and the environment is a fundamental component of how the individual shapes his or her outlook. The environment to which an individual must respond is not only the physical environment but also the environment he himself has created through his activity and he which he is immersed from birth, his or her social environment. While the physical and social environments influence how the individual feels, thinks and behaves, there is the decisiveness of an individual in responding to his or her environment. He or she may be making right or wrong choices, may behave in certain ways, may have different levels of relationships with different persons, etc. but it is he or she who is decisive. For example, a neurotic person acts, thinks, and behaves in excessive ways (like too much anxiety, exaggerated fears), as a reaction to his or her environment. His or her reaction could be a product of external factors, like history of family relationships, traumatic events, etc. This is an example of how the environment influences the individual’s affective, cognitive and behavioural processes. However, it is the individual who is eventually decisive — how he or she reacts to certain situations is a personal choice. He or she may react in a “differentiated” way in stressful situations, or may act the other way around, but it is eventually him or her who is decisive. On the other hand, I take exemption to psychotic persons. In contrast to the neurotic person who has still a grasp of reality, a psychotic person is truly insane and has more extreme problems. Since a psychotic person actually loses touch reality and reacts in grossly abnormal ways, I do not think he or she is decisive on his actions.

While I believe that the environment plays influences the feelings, thoughts and behaviours of an individual, my belief that the individual is decisive is consistent with the belief that there is an inherent value for each individual. Each individual, no matter what economic class he or she belongs, no matter what his or her past is, and no matter what he or she has been through, I always believe that there is an inherent goodness in every person. An individual may be doing something that is socially unacceptable (like becoming a thief, thug, prostituted, etc), but he or she may be a good father, mother, son, daughter, or friend. Why an individual is doing anti-social activities I believe is also socially-influenced. Here we see the reciprocal relationship between the individual and his or her environment.

Another lesson that I have learned in life is learning to co-exist with individuals whose attitudes are different from mine. We may be sharing the same principles but since we were raised in different ways, contradictions always persist. Through the years, I have learned to be patient with these individuals, accepting the fact that the development of individuals is uneven, influenced by a lot of things coming from the environment that he or she evolved. I have also met a lot of people whose values, beliefs and orientation is radically, if not partially, different from mine. From members of my immediate family, to one of my best friends since college, even just acquaintances, I see a difference in our values system. This doesn’t mean, however, that I look down on them or act differently towards them. Of course I cannot do this to my family and my best friend and even to just mere acquaintances.

One belief that I subscribe to pertains to the concrete analysis of concrete situations. To have the right outlook in life and in dealing with different kinds of situation, it is important for me to always know the facts (events, relationships, data, etc) and realities surrounding such situation or event. For me, this is a scientific way of coming up with right decisions or choices. This does not mean, however, that I tend to be passive. In making decisions, especially difficult ones, I always based my goals on lessons from past experiences and at the same time in current situation while aspiring for change and/or development in the future. I also believe that all things change and there is no such thing as being static. Changes may have a different level of intensity or pace, or it might be beneficial or not, but the thing is, things change. And this includes human beings. This is also one reason why I always believe that there should be a concrete analysis of concrete situation. Taking all these into context, I come to the conclusion of the effectiveness of integrative psychotherapy as a technique in counselling.

I believe that each technique has its unique contributions in the field of psychotherapy. Each has its own expertise. However, after taking some time to reflect and taking into account my outlook, I think integrative psychotherapy will work best for me. Human behaviour is a complex matter and there is a range of client types with specific problems. Integrative psychotherapy brings together the affective, cognitive, behavioural, and physiological systems within a person, with an awareness of the environmental aspects (social, economic, interactions, etc.) surrounding the person. These concepts are used within a perspective of human development in which each stage of life introduces heightened developmental tasks, need sensitivities, crises, and opportunities for new learning. Taking into account this framework, effective psychotherapy involves expertise in a combination of cognitive, affective, and behavioural techniques. This combination is important to help clients think about their beliefs, outlook and assumptions, to feel their conflicts and struggles within themselves and their environment, and by translating their insights into action as reflective in the behaviours they exhibit in day-to-day living. With this, it is sensible to cross boundaries and develop an approach that best fits the situation. The fundamental question is, to quote Preston (1998), “What does this person need in order to suffer less, to heal, to grow, or to cope more effectively?” A client’s problem and the kind of intervention he or she may need is different from another’s. From this I think the psychotherapist’s choices of interventions should be guided by his or her assessment of the client. It is important for a psychotherapist to decide what techniques, procedures, or intervention methods to maximize, when to use them, and with which clients these are applicable.

I believe that to gain knowledge and expertise in an integrative approach to psychotherapy takes a lot of time, effort to study all existing approaches, reflection and practice. The challenge for me right now is to really take a deeper grasp of the different approaches. In addition to this, another effort I believe I should engage myself into is to review and find deeper understanding on the different schools of psychology since I have been detached with the academic life for a long time.

Developing an integrative perspective in psychotherapy is a lifelong endeavour. It is always important for a therapist to expand his or her knowledge based from one’s own experience at the same time taking into account the developments in each therapeutic model. I believe that with the rapid development of today’s world, it is important to be open-minded and receptive to changes and at the same time integrating these to one’s own value systems and principles in life.