Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Southern woman via Sally. (1 of 2 for today)

SOUTHERN WOMEN
o
o Southern women Know their summer weather report:
o Humidity
o Humidity
o Humidity
o
o Southern women know their vacation spots:
o The beach
o The rivuh
o The crick
o
o Southern women know everybody's first name:
o Honey
o Darlin'
o Shugah
o
o Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
o Fried Green Tomatoes
o Driving Miss Daisy
o Steel Magnolias
o Gone With The Wind
o
o Southern women know their religions:
o Baptist
o Methodist
o Football
o
o
o Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
o Chawl'stn
o S'vanah
o Foat Wuth
o N'awlins
o Addlanna
o
o Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
o Men in uniform
o Men in tuxedos
o Rhett Butler
o
o Southern girls know their prime real estate:
o The Mall
o The Country Club
o The Beauty Salon
o
o Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
o Having bad hair and nails
o Having bad manners
o Cooking bad food
o
o More Suthen-ism's:
o Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
o _____
o
o Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc..., make up "a mess."
o _____
o
o Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
o _____
o
o Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
o _____
o
o Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table..
o _____
o
o All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
o _____
o
o Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
o _____
o
o Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and " a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20
o _____
o
o Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po white trash.
o _____
o
o No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
o _____
o
o A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
o _____
o
o Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... And when we're "in line,"... We talk to everybody!
o _____
o
o Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
o _____
o
o In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
o _____
o
o Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
o _____
o
o Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
o _____
o
o When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
o _____
o
o Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
o _____
o
o And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway.. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... And go your own way.
o _____
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o To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
o _____
o And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, .... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
o _____
o
o Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !
o
o Now...... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! If you're a Northern transplant, bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could

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About Me

I am from a blue collar background in Bristol, England, and was educated in the days of the 11+ system.
I am one of nine children. My eight siblings live in England.
After school I was first a banker; then a seminarian; then an Episcopal Priest.
I trained for ordained ministry at St. John's College, Nottingham, U.K; and the University of Nottingham from which I was graduated with the degree Bachelor in Theology.
I had 30 years of parish ministry in Massachusetts. (Fitchburg, Chicopee, Pittsfield and Cambridge).
Now retired, I live in Sarasota, FL.
My mantra: - "There is no secular world".