“I feel like I’m going to be alone forever…”

Dear Jenny,

I have struggled for many years not allowing myself to get close to anyone. When I do let someone into my life it always ends up being the wrong kind of man. Mostly, the emotionally unavailable types. I feel like I’m going to be alone forever unless I can learn to let go of my insecurities and trust someone, who is worthy. How do I stop being scared and find true love?

Thanks for listening,

– Jaymie

Hi Jaymie,

I love your question, however, if you reread it, I think you’ll find the answer. Just hearing the words that you use in your question, tell you what my response is going to be. The fact that you have not let yourself get close to anyone for many years sounds like there is lots of fear. But to hear you describe it, you call it a “struggle,” with a description like that, it can never finish with a happy ending. Is there a reason why you feel that looking for a relationship is a struggle? What has happened to you in the past that has led you to this belief? Usually, those who think and view something in a certain way always get it that way. In other words, if you view relationships as hard ships or struggles, then that is exactly what you will get.

If you would like to stop struggling to get relationships, then you need to stop speaking of the struggle. It is all in the way you look at it. If you change the way you look at things then the things you look at will change. It could be as simple as changing the way you talk, the words you use to describe something. Maybe you need to choose your words a little more wisely. Perhaps it is time to find more positive adjectives to describe your relationships.

And then you stated that when you do let someone into your life it always seems to end up the same way. It always ends up with the wrong kind of man. Again, look at the words you used in that description. Wrong kind of man, those are pretty powerful descriptive words! Isn’t it wonderful to know that everything you talk about becomes true for you?

It seems to me that all of the relationships and types of men who you have been bringing into the relationships have been exactly how you described them. Maybe you just simply need to change your description. Maybe instead of saying that all of the men who you have relationships with are the unavailable types, you need to give them new descriptions.

Jaymie, I don’t have to tell you how I will respond to the rest of your question. You stated that you feel like you’re going to be alone forever unless you learn to let go of your insecurities and trust someone worthy. Well, you know that you have insecurities and you want to learn to let go, maybe you should let go then. It is that easy to move on. Maybe you should stop making such a big hairy deal out of your worries and your doubts, calling them insecurities. They are simply fears that you are choosing to dwell in. It is time to dwell in possibilities and let go of your fears. Obviously, they have not been serving you.

At the end of your question you asked about finding someone who is worthy of you. May I suggest, that you do not want to find someone at this time, or he will be exactly like you have described in past relationships. You need to get positive within yourself and feel deserving, then you will attract someone who is equally deserving.

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