Tag: dildo

The world of wood dildos is pretty small and also fairly expensive. One of the models held in critical acclaim will run you approximately $145 on an average day without sales. It was for this reason that I had resigned myself to a wood-less existence. Well, that was until RGN Toys put out the call for reviewers to put a new, affordable wood dildo model to the test. Never one to turn down a new masturbation experience, I gamely put myself forward and was accepted! Mere days later, I welcomed into my house and my vagina the adorable Cinder dildo.

The Cinder looking charming

The Cinder is a petite dildo, or is at least considering my vagina’s proclivities. At six inches long and 1.5 inches thick at the girthiest, the Cinder sits comfortably at the average end of the dildo spectrum. When I showed my boyfriend and friends the new toy I got, the most common remark was how much it looked like a bowling pin. I confess, it kind of does and it makes me giggle. While it’s not exactly a discreet toy, you have to wonder if anyone would think more than an unusually shaped paperweight. Sitting on a coffee table next to a book, someone might think it merely a piece of decorative sculpture. Honestly, the Cinder is giving me ideas for incorporating stealthy pieces of erotica into my home décor!

With the Cinder being so petite, it’s no surprise that my size captain vagina wasn’t floored. What I didn’t expect was that my vagina would be able to swallow the Cinder whole…yeah, constrictor snake style. When I stood up and realized that the dildo didn’t fall out of me though, that was when the fun really started. Cue Liz strutting around her apartment, gripping the Cinder like a vice. Apart from the size though, I found the shape of the Cinder to be delightful though. The firm, insistent pressure on my G spot from the knobbed end of the Cinder felt lovely in conjunction with a strong clitoral vibrator. The tapered torpedo like end was considerably less pleasurable, so I recommend using that bit as a handle to pound yourself with. Hell, the knobbed end was so good that I lost myself in a masturbation frenzy one evening.

However, this was to the detriment of my sheets, as I had forgotten two things: 1) that I was menstruating and 2) that I hadn’t put down a towel. When I spotted my ruined bedding, my vagina ejected the Cinder in fear and more blood oozed out of me. Blood was fucking everywhere, running down my legs and splodged all over the bedspread. I was struggling not to scream and cuss as I hustled my bare ass to the laundry room with my soiled duvet in arms. And thus, the Cinder burned me, for I flew too close to the sun that is masturbating on your period.

Blood bath aside, the Cinder has been an exciting experience. Wood does feel different than the silicone and steel and glass that I’ve tried in that it is both light and firm, but it doesn’t necessarily feel warmer as Lumberjill claims. It’s about the same temperature as silicone, which is room temperature. Compared to steel though, I suppose this claim has some credit, because my Pure Wand is always FRIGID.

Cleaning the toy was also interesting, as there are no sanitising instructions on my care and cleaning manual. According to Richard Carver, the man behind the art of Lumberjill, there currently isn’t a way to sanitise the toy. However, the toy is still non-porous due to the finish. When I asked what should be done if the finish were to be damaged, Richard told me that contacting him on Etsy would work so that the toy could be shipped to him for repair, repaired at home per his instructions, or replacing the toy depending on the damage. This kind of comprehensive care for dildos, especially ones so affordable is kind of mind boggling.

Final thoughts? The Cinder is an amazingly affordable (just $30 at RGN!!) wood dildo that feels good, even though it is somewhat underwhelming in the size department. I highly recommend this for people who would like to experience luxury on a budget and who know that they enjoy: 1) firm pressure on internal erogenous zones and 2) prefer smaller toys. Also you can rest easy knowing that should your toy become damaged that Lumberjill will look after you!

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks RGN Toys!

There exists many different kinds of toys. There are the sucky ones, sure, and those are fun to write scathing reviews about and that you can gleefully bin once you don’t have to test the fucker anymore. Good toys are another category, the ones that make you sigh in relief as you reach for them to end a masturbation session made frustrating by the aforementioned shitty toys. Niche toys fulfill a certain need that you may not always have, like a particularly textured dildo or a VERY strong vibrator.

And then there are toys that rise above the rest as the very best of toys. They require little warm up, are nearly effortless in use, extremely versatile and, if you’re lucky, they’re also beautiful. Some contenders include: The We Vibe Tango, The VixSkin Mustang, The Lelo Mona and now…the Uberrime Splendid, which I dub the champagne of dildos.

The Splendid looking lovely in the snow.

The Splendid is a toy that I believe will rightly join the ranks of these acclaimed toys. It is beautiful, pleasurable, effortless and versatile. It makes for hours long sessions of masturbation that soak my bed spreads and rob me of my full mobility after I’ve had ten orgasms consecutively. And I want to tell you all about it.

At 5 and half inches insertable and a maximum diameter of 1.67 inches, the Splendid sits solidly within the range of the average dildo user’s capacity. People looking for a slightly smaller toy might be disappointed by the dimensions, but I think it’s a fairly accessible size. The Splendid is a loose interpretation of a penis, with a bulbous head and prominent veins. But the gorgeous marbled color and chunkiness mean that it walks the line between fantasy and realism like a seasoned acrobat walking the tightrope; by which I mean it looks FANTASTIC. There’s a sort of cheeriness in the design that puts a smile on my face every time I look at it.

And while I am overjoyed to simply stop and stare at this magnificent dildo, the feeling of it inside my vag is what prompted me to write this review. The veins are prominent and easily felt as I push the Splendid inside of me. The manageable dimensions make this a dildo for all seasons, and I’ve used it when I’m on my period and when I’m bleed free all to the same result: simple and strong orgasms. Sliding it in is tactile heaven, with the closest comparison being lying down on a massage table and being worked over by strong and skillful hands. That bulbous squishy head nudges itself insistently against my G-spot, making clenching feel comfortably and eye-rollingly pleasurable. Thrusting, clenching, twirling and nudging the toy are all viable methods for pushing the Splendid’s gorgeously soft head against all the right internal spots.

The softness of the dildo is divine. Dual density is an amazing quality, and Uberrime NAILED IT. It’s soft enough to be gentle but has the firmness to stand up to my vagina. It’s squishier than The Maestro, a cousin of the Splendid’s, but still quite firm enough to do the job. I don’t know how Uberrime can make all of these silicone densities so goddamn delicious, but they do and I appreciate it. I want to stuff myself with the Splendid for hours at a time. The Splendid gives me an orgasm that makes me feel perfectly content and at peace with the world; it’s as if we solidified the feeling of curling up near a fire with a mug of cocoa while it’s snowing outside into a sculpture and then made that solid sculpture fuckable. It’s a truly AMAZING dildo and one that holds a place of honor in my nightstand.

Much has been said about the Splendid. The Big Gay Review rated the Splendid a perfect 10, Felicity of Phallophile Reviews loves it, and Epiphora loved it so much that she had a line of Splendids done up in her signature sea green color. This dildo has received something of a royal welcome in the reviewing community, praised by people of all pronouns for its delightful squish and pleasantly sized dimensions. I’m proud to be among one of the reviewers in christening this sex toy as the cream of the crop. Here’s to you Splendid, you beautiful squishy bastard! May you grace many more holes than mine!

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Uberrime!

Ah, there you are! Come and sit by the fire. Pour yourself a glass of wine! I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while now. It’s about why I’ve been so quiet lately. So…there’s this dildo I’ve been seeing for the past few weeks. It’s girthy, like the girthiest toy I own. It was the first toy with balls I ever owned! It’s made of silicone, a lusciously rendered dual-density toy that is wonderful and body safe. And…it looks like five other dildos stitched together to create the perfect dildo. Meet the Lust Arts Frank’s Monster, a beautiful, monstrous and kinda gnarly looking hunk of a silicone dildo. Lust Arts sent it to me earlier this month for me to review and upon receiving it, I knew I was in for a truly CHALLENGING fuck with the Frank’s Monster. Has any other dildo so changed my masturbatory landscape? Perhaps, but Frank has let me know truly that my vagina can do anything.

The Frank’s Monster in the snow.

Frank’s Monster comes in a range of sizes like the rest of Lust Arts’ toys. Ranging from Teaser to Pounder, there’s a Frank’s Monster for beginners and advanced players alike, all in the beautiful mold of the Monster. My Monster came in the Pounder size, and currently clocks in as the biggest (thickest) dildo I own. The largest diameter on the head is 2.2 inches thick, and the largest shaft diameter is 2.75 inches. This dildo has HEFT. I sometimes menace my boyfriend with the Frank’s Monster because it truly is that intimidating. All this girth combined with an insertable length of seven inches makes for a fittingly monstrous member. In other words, if Frankenstein dropped his pants in front of me, I’d expect to see a beast of this magnitude flop out of his Calvin Kleins.

A toy of this magnitude requires significant warm up. The X, The Ruse Jammy, and the Elvira all see use before I dare attempt the Frank’s Monster. That girth is the showstopper, the grand finale. When I attempted to take it before warming up, I found it impossible to achieve penetration. Only after prepping my vagina meticulously can I finally slide the lubed up monster inside. ‘Intense’ is a weak way to describe the feelings that occur when I stuff myself with the Frank’s Monster. ‘Powerful’ is woefully inadequate as well. Perhaps the best description is ‘consuming’. The Frank’s Monster is as richly textured as a tapestry, dotted with nodules, pleasurable stitches and copious amounts of skin folds that all make themselves felt when inserted. I slowly, luxuriously, and deliciously pushed more and more of the toy into me. I felt myself open up as the Frank’s Monster progressively thickened down the shaft. My eyelids fluttered from a mixture of orgasmic pleasure and just a little bit of stretching pain. The Frank’s Monster sent my brain spiraling into fantasies of what it might be like to bang a man with a member this size. And then, because I lean submissive, I was fantasizing about being rather physically dominated by a man with the strength (and body parts) of ten men. With the Frank’s Monster filling my cunt and the Nocturnal bullying my clit, I came so hard that I wouldn’t have noticed if a bus hit me, and then collapsed on my bed.

After luxuriating in the afterglow, I realized then that I had to clean the toy. Some part of me hoped that the Frank’s Monster would just be a quick soap and water scrub and that’s what I did. AHAHAHA. No. Frank’s Monster is rife with texture, and thus holds onto my body fluids like it never wants to give them up. If you give it a rough handjob soap and water cleaning, you will be scraping dried gunk off it later, because it will inevitably make its home in the myriad of crevices. Every man, including my partner, has recoiled from this toy for two reasons. The first, obviously, is the dislike in the aesthetic of the toy. Fair, it’s not for everyone, but I love it. The second is that they worry that cleaning it is a nightmare. This one I kind of agree with. It’s the first time I’ve ever needed to be meticulous with a toy, and that’s what makes it just shy of the perfect showstopper at the end of a masturbation session.

Frank’s Monster is a beast. I adore its aesthetic, its size and the way it feels inside me after I take the necessary hour of warmup. Getting it all the way inside me feels like I’ve just won some kind of slutty medal of honor and I highly recommend it for size royalty who want a side order of texture. HOWEVER. This dildo needs babying in a lot of senses. You need to warm up your orifice of choice a substantial amount for a toy this size and you need to be pretty damned meticulous when cleaning it. If that doesn’t sound acceptable to you, one way to remedy this is to get a smaller and softer dildo. I suggest getting the Frank’s Monster in their Soft density or even doing a Super Soft and Soft dual density toy to ensure comfort and sticking with the Pleaser size. However, Lust Arts does not provide a dildo butler to clean up after you come all over the Monster’s cock (WHICH I WOULD LOVE UGH). Alas, though I personally think the orgasms and the super hot fantasies this toy provokes more than make up for the frustration at the sink.

This product was provided to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks Lust Arts!

And so this year, dearest Santa, I’ve come up with some things that I’d like for Christmas for being such a good blogger.

Sex toys and Misc.

Writing Aids

Kink Toys

Literature

Sex toys and Misc.

Liberator Throe: Man, where do you begin with this. Everyone who likes to have sex ought to have one. It’s been touted as perfect for squirters, people who have sex on their period and generally as superior to the ol’ towel in every respect. I’d love to have one of these, if only so testing during my period is less awkward. WELL AND SO THAT I DON’T STAIN AFTER MY BOYFRIEND LEAVES. Listen, not using condoms feels great but it does make clean up a little more intensive.

The Rechargeable Magic Wand: Oh how I’ve lusted for you. I’ve refrained from getting it due to the price tag, but I’m wooed by the tales of effortless orgasms and the freedom that a cordless vibrator offers. While I’m still delighted with my Unicorn Vibrator, ours is an open relationship, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable look like just what my clit needs.

Vixen Creations Woody: THE RED!! God I’m in love with red sex toys. They’re perfectly passionate and I’ve heard nothing but good things about Woody. I think it would look perfect in my new strap on harness, a nicely sized red dildo superimposed on black briefs really speaks to my slutty jock heart.

A full sized stroker: What? A toy not for me?? Nah, this is still totally for me. I want to use a stroker on my boyfriend! It’s not often I’m dominant, but sometimes, you get possessed by the urge to taunt your partner as you get him off. Pair that with a cute outfit and you’ve got an adorable BDSM scene!

Ruse 18 Inch Double Dildo: I’ve kind of always had a fantasy of making myself bulge through the use of a double-ended dildo. The idea of seeing my flat, athletic tummy bulging as I slide a dildo deep, deep into my ass is…shiver-inducingly hot. However, most double ended toys are made of TPE or jelly, some distinctly unfriendly toy materials. HOWEVER! This Blush Novelties answered my dreams by making a body safe, silicone dil that I can fulfill my dreams with. And the icing on top is that it comes in RED.

Writing Aids

A Moleskine Journal: People swear by these and I want to try one out for myself! I’d love to feel like a true romantic, journaling away in some quietly comfortable coffee shop. So far, I’ve kept a journal on my laptop, which has gotten to over 160 pages of personal writing. More than 60,000 words! I’m very proud, but it’s getting so that my laptop will start to chug when I open the document. Maybe it’s time to go analog?

A Grammar Handbook: Having one of these close at hand to pore over would be wonderful. Often times, I bully my friends into beta-reading a post for me, and they catch all sorts of grammatical errors. Feeling a little ashamed of this, I think a style guide would really be right up my alley.

Zebra Mechanical Pencils: These are my most favorite mechanical pencils. They write well, don’t feel cheap and are delightfully portable!

A Set of Highlighters: I LOVE ANNOTATING MY LITERATURE. And I love making things pretty. Ergo, highlighters (the pen type, not the face type) are kinda my jam. It helps out a lot!

Kink Toys

Kinklab Leather Wrist Cuffs: I’ve a taste for rope bondage, ergo my rope bondage post regarding Agreeable Agony. But for a long time now I’ve longed to complete a leather set and own some handcuffs for when I don’t want to go through being tied up.

Tantus Dragon Tail: Having gotten a taste of the Gen, I’m ever so curious to try more Tantus impact toys. I’d love to feel the thwack of the tail against my ass and maybe (finally) bruise my steely ass. Also, the suede like feeling of the silicone is just beautiful. Ah Tantus. You know impact implements so well.

Stockroom Bust Harness: The aesthetic of this harness is just gorgeous. One day, I hope to look just as hot as the girls modeling this gorgeous harness. Maybe somewhere in North Carolina there’s a bondage club I can go to where this would be appropriate. Or maybe I could just…wear it under my clothes?

Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraints: Again, this is for the lazy, impatient submissive who DOES NOT want to wait to be restrained. I want to struggle against some restraints and I want to do it now! This would make it ever so convenient for my and my partner. Because all we have is rope, we most often go for the quick solution of him manually pinning my wrists while he fucks me, but this would be quick and hands free!

Aussie Health Co Enema Kit: Once again, I must shyly confess to my fantasy of being filled up completely. I have a bit of a cum fetish, and I often fantasize about being pumped full of semen so that I swell and look a few months pregnant. While such a thing could be organized in reality, an enema can provide a quicker and cheaper way for me to be filled up. Bonus: it’d clean me out for anal. Maybe then I can lose my anal virginity!

Literature

Female Ejaculation and The G Spot: I’ve wanted to squirt for a long time. I purchased the Pure Wand because I read it was the perfect instrument to cause such an explosive orgasm. Hopefully by absorbing the knowledge contained in these pages, I’ll be able to learn how to squirt!

Playing Well With Others: It’s a BDSM book! Something I, a BDSM newbie would love to have. I’ve enjoyed my collar and playing in the shallow end, but I’m super curious of what’s beyond the sand bars. I’m saying I wanna try some kinkier stuff, and reading about it is the first way to get there!

Two Knotty Boys Showing You The Ropes: ANOTHER BDSM BOOK. My boyfriend and I are confirmed rope lovers, so learning more about our chosen restraint would be a fun, kink themed activity for us to do together. I wonder now if he would read aloud to me…

A Hand in The Bush: This time, a book about fisting people with vulvas! I’ve recently gotten my own fist in, but I’d really like to learn how to do it more consistently and pleasurably! I think it would make for a great learning experience, and it might help me discover more about how to prepare more than just my vagina!

I know it’s a long list, dearest Santa. But I have been very, very good; though if you don’t bring anything at all, I’m still having a wonderful holiday.

Indie makers are absolutely fearless with their designs. And where would we be without them? Probably sans a lot of creatively designed and beautiful sex toys, adrift in a sea of boring realistic cookie-cutter toys that the big wigs believe consumers want. As if everyone who’s looking for sexual pleasure is the corporate ideal of a heterosexual cisgender woman who is frighteningly devoted to any and all shades of the colors pink and purple. Thank God then, that indie makers exist. And furthermore, thank God for XenoCat Artifacts. Yes, today I get to try something from this exquisite silicone sculptor (her DESIGNS ARE EXQUISITE, though Ere herself is also fucking cute). When XenoCat extended that generous offer to try one of their toys, you best believe that when I accepted I was grinning like an idiot trying to get my teeth photographed by the Hubble Space Telescope.

The Monarch in the snow. JUST BEAUTIFUL.

I was offered the choice between the Monarch and the Argus and I weighed my options carefully. In the end though, the Monarch won because it looked more fun texture-wise and also I wouldn’t be thinking of eyes with this dildo. My Monarch is in the Medium size, at 6 inches insertable and 1.5 (ish) inches thick. It’s a modest size, somewhat of a break from the HUGE dildos that I’ve managed inside me (cough, the Frank’s Monster). At a squishy 00-50 shore density, the toy is among the softest ones that I own, yielding readily to a friendly squeeze. The colors, it must be said, are a gorgeous marbling of gold and blue. Gold and blue is perhaps one of my favorite color ways aside from a straight red toy, so it wins in the looks department.

Also, I must say that I am IN LOVE with that curly, bifurcated design. It’s so fucking playful! The Monarch, in spite of its regal name, doesn’t take itself too seriously and I can really get behind that. It’s playful without being cutesy or frilly and thus has my respect.

I approached this toy with some excitement; that curly head was extremely enticing and I admit it did not take long for me to stuff myself with the Monarch. And to my delight, this was exactly the right call. I really like the Monarch! The ribbing can look a little intimidating, especially to those new to texture, but please don’t be afraid. The Monarch, in its delightfully squishy density, takes care of you. The Monarch is a gentle lover, and the rippling texture doesn’t bruise your insides. It gently opens you and massages your insides, feeling a little bit like gentle fingering. I don’t thrust wildly with this toy like the way website says it ought to be use, I sort of jiggle the base of the Monarch and clench around it while I rub my clit. It feels amazing to clench around, the ribbing is prominent enough even in this squishy density that I can really enjoy it.

But with as gentle as this toy is, it can feel a little underwhelming if I use it after the first orgasm. After I’ve cum and I go for a second round, the Monarch doesn’t feel as good now that I’m warmed up and ready to go. The squishy density, so welcome to my vagina in what was the preliminary heat of masturbation, becomes kind of wimpy once I’m ready for the big leagues. There’s nothing wrong with the Monarch, in fact I requested a squishy density specifically, so there’s only myself to blame. Still, after that first orgasm, the Monarch gets set aside in favor of something bigger, firmer or both.

Cleaning this toy can be a bit of a hassle. This comes as no surprise given the texture! The swirly bi-furcated head traps body fluids easily, and so waiting to clean this is a no. Luckily this dildo doesn’t require tooth brush maintenance, I can work my thumb in the grooves to get out the fluids without too much elbow grease on my part.

The Monarch has been a delight to review. It’s sort of like an extroverted lightweight friend. They’re fun and great to have at parties, but they have to head home early because they’re kind of on the more delicate side. Still, the Monarch has been giving me stellar warm up orgasms and I’m THRILLED to add it to my toy box.

This product was sent to me free of charge in exchange for my honest review. Thanks XenoCat!

The NoFrillDo project was born last year, approximately at the end of November if I’m reading the Indiegogo page correctly. The idea behind it? That body-safe pleasure didn’t have to have a high price tag. The NoFrillDo project came to fruition, cheered on by the sex positive community and gave birth to three designs: The R, The G, and The B. With Funkit’s simple but effective designs and affordable pricing, the world of sexual pleasure became more accessible to those among us who are ballin’ on a budget. So it can be no surprise that the world of the sex positive eagerly awaited the newest installment of the NoFrillDo project. This year, Funkit launched the continuation of the project, bringing in the NoFrillDos X and L, much thicker and longer toys than their comparatively modest siblings. The size captain in me was ecstatic when Kenton decided to send me the delightfully thick NoFrillDo X and I couldn’t wait to put it to the test!

So did this affordable silicone cutie live up to the hype? Did it rock my world and charm my cunt? Well…sort of. The NoFrillDo X is exactly what it seems to be. Kenton was serious about this being a no frills toy. The X doesn’t make an attempt at changing your sexual landscape. If you buy this hoping for revolutionary G-spot pleasure or for new sensations, you’ll find yourself disappointed. But for a budget conscious member of size royalty? This is a fantastic toy to get.

The chunky NoFrillDo X in its eye searing, magenta glory.

The NoFrillDo X is a meaty one. At 7 inches insertable and 1.9 inches in diameter cast in shore 20 silicone, this isn’t for someone who is in anyway uncertain about girth. My particular NoFrillDo came in Magenta. Now normally I would never pick this color myself, but it’s hard to hold it against the toy given the bright, cheeriness of the color. Its dimensions are similar to the Jammy, a similarly affordable dildo in a more realistic cast.

The base also deserves some discussion. It’s slanted. Or rather, the base of the toy is still flat, but the base appears askew. It’s like this on all of the toys, so you can rest assured it’s not a defect, but I do wonder about the reasoning behind it. I’ll admit, the unevenness of the base does give me some concerns; there are some Funkit toys that also have some narrow flares that Kenton believes are best served by attaching to another toy to use as a handle. While I don’t think there should be any issue for anal play, I do recommend playing special attention because of the slanted base. Also for harness use, I don’t think this base would be ideal. But for vaginal use? POUND AWAY.

So what to say about the NoFrillDo X in use? Well, it generally feels like a thick, ribbed insertable object. There’s no forgiving squish with the X, it opens you right up. If I’m not peak aroused, then the ribs frankly aggravate my vagina, much in the way that I expected it would; a combination of firmness and ridge prominence makes for an uncomfortable sensation should I try to just stuff myself. It’s the vaginal equivalent of hitting potholes over and over again when driving down the highway, a jarring and uncomfortable experience.

But when I’m aroused? I take the rippling texture of the X just fine. The bumps make themselves known very pleasurably and are pretty stimulating whether I pound away quickly or take my time with long slow strokes. It feels FUCKING GOOD is what I’m saying. There’s no G-spot curve, the toy seems to rely upon the ribbed texture and thickness to create a pleasing pressure, which while it works, it does make me a little wistful. Ah, to have a curve. Even a little one. I use the X for that full feeling that I can’t get from more slender dildos. The X is pretty simple and effective at filling me up and making itself known.

I also use the X after I’ve warmed up and as a warm up of its own. It’s a great warm up toy for the Jammy, The Lust Arts Frank’s Monster, and my own fist. Yes, using the X (in a round about way) allowed me to get warmed up enough that I could fit my whole hand inside my vagina! So while the X can’t exactly take credit for that, it does get an award for being a good assist.

In all, this dildo largely accomplishes what it sets out to do. It’s thick, it fills you up, and it won’t hurt your wallet too much in accomplishing this. For intermediate size royalty members and those of us who love them, this is a good toy to get without breaking the bank. For those looking for more refined dildos with a more ambitious goal than just being filled up? Save your pennies and look elsewhere.

I must confess, I am becoming a size queen. While I can still love and adore smaller toys, big toys make my eyes light with avarice. But inevitably, my enthusiasm is squashed once I see the price tag. A dejected whine escapes my throat as I consider the cost against my vaginal delight, and eventually I turn away from the toy, removing it from my cart with a sigh. And so I have been on a quest, looking for HUGE DILDOS for a modest price. And I tell you, I have succeeded! I personally own two of these and can vouch for their quality!

The Blush Novelties Elvira: I won this toy from a giveaway and I ADORE this girthy little sweetheart. 2 inches thick at the thickest, and with a stubby 5.5 inches in length, this toy is amazing. At $24, this toy is a baby size queen’s best friend. Bonus, it also has a suction cup!

The Blush Novelties Ruse Jammy: I bought this myself when I saw how GOD DAMN CHEAP it was! At $33, you get a massive toy for very little! I’m talking 2 inches thick with 7.5 inches insertable. This is a CHUNKY toy. For those of us who lusted after Vixen Creations Randy but couldn’t cough up the cash for it, this is for you. It’s got a damned good suction cup (trust me, I’ve tried it) and it has incredibly realistic detail if you’re into that kind of thing. If you really wanna follow in my footsteps, also pick up the Blush Exposed Nocturnal! It’s on sale at Peepshow now and it’s damned good.

The Dorcel SO Phospho Glow: This toy looks like a silicone version of the NJoy Eleven. However, it’s $33, glows in the dark and is honestly a dream come true. With two ends, a thin end at 1.3″ and a thick end at 1.9″, this toy is versatile AND filling!

The Blush Novelties Sumo: Another Blush toy?? Yes! This company is really coming through for size queens with small budgets. This toy is a soft, dual density silicone with a thick, semi realistic look to it. It’s a chunky 2 inches thick and 6.8 inches insertable. It comes in Indigo and Violet, has a suction cup, and the best part? With the Black Friday 2018 deals, you can get this sucker for $15!

Armed with this new knowledge, go forth and get you some girthy silicone to squeeze around! Your holes and your wallet will love you.