What kind of 'mama' can I be?

By Melissa Leddy

Updated 9:12 am, Tuesday, May 22, 2012

I hope all the mamas out there had a good Mother's Day. The holiday prompted me to reflect on the kind of mama I'd like to be to Little G, now and as she grows up. These are just some rough-draft thoughts I had, and I share them here simply to share, and perhaps to provide a steppingstone to your own reflections on motherhood and, more broadly, parenthood.

"Mother" or "Mama"? For starters, the word "mother" … I'm a words person - a writer, editor and now mom blogger - and so I'm hyper tuned in to words. And the word "mother" just doesn't jive with my relationship to Little G. To me, "mother" feels so formal. Again, this is just me. But I much, much prefer to use the word "mama" when I speak and write about me and my daughter. "Mom" is OK, too - but I feel a real connection to "mama," with its connotations of casualness, closeness and warmth.

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To me, "mama" signals big hugs, bare feet and shared bits of avocado, banana and other fresh fruits - my life with Little G. Maybe this linguistic perspective will change as I get older, and maybe grown-up Little G will be more proper than I and will prefer to introduce me as her "mother" rather than her "mama" or "mom." But for now, I connect with "mama."

What kind of mama? What do I hope to be for Little G, I asked myself this weekend. I looked back on my own childhood and also on my relationships with people who are close to me, and have begun to figure out part of the answer:

Gimme some sugar! I hope to be outwardly loving and affectionate. Recently, I was chatting with my sister-in-law Hollis about the book "The Five Love Languages"; I recognize that everyone expresses love and affection in different ways. But I hope to be big on hugs and outward signs of sugar with Little G so she clearly "feels the love." (Thank you, Lion King!)

Chatty Cathys. I also hope to be someone with whom Little G feels comfortable talking, especially during her teen years and young adulthood. (Although, I very well may have no clue what I'm talking about here … Is this possible?!) So, perhaps naively, I hope - first - that I can be a mama who will listen to my daughter with an open mind and - second - that my daughter actually will come to me, knowing we can have a true conversation, with active listening and empathy and reserved judgment, about whatever's on her mind.

BFFs, or something like it. This last one is probably a little flaky, but I'll share it anyway. I have a picture in my mind, fast-forwarded about 20 years, of Little G and me sitting in a coffee shop, chatting and enjoying each other's company over hot beverages and brownies. I hope to be a friend to my daughter.

I know I'm her mama first (I know, Mom! - my own mother). I understand I need to take care of her, instill within her a sense of ethics, sign her up for her first day of school. And at the same time, I hope Little G can consider me a friend as well as her mama. I hope we can share some laughs together. And coffee-shop chats. And brownies.