This man fathered a child after four dates — and wants to forget it ever happened

My nephew became the father of a child after four dates with a woman. He could not imagine a long-term relationship raising a child with a stranger, so he decided not to have any involvement with the child, who has yet to be born. My nephew would like to fall in love and have a family in the future. Will this child have any rights to inheritance?

Concerned Aunt

Dear Aunt,

If you are interested enough in whether this child stands to inherit anything from his/her father, I suggest that you don’t stop there. Speak to your nephew about the wisdom and ethics of walking away from a child that had no choice in the circumstances in which he/she was conceived. For your nephew to just walk away beggars belief, but it happens every day. Talk to him about what it means to be a father, even a reluctant one, and his financial responsibilities while he walks the earth rather than making plans for when he has left it.

Walking away can impact that child’s entire life. As blogger Christopher Persley wrote for The Good Men Project, when he met his own father years later: “I wanted was to show him what he missed. I wanted him to know that I was able to thrive. I wanted him to regret his decision to leave. I wanted to be so distant from him that I wanted desperately to change my middle name, which is his first name. I recently came to the conclusion that I am the man I am today because of my father and despite my father. My father unwittingly motivated me.”

I hope that is food for thought for your nephew. But even if he walks away now, he still has a financial responsibility, should the mother of this child pursue him for child support. The U.S. Department of Justice states, “An individual is subject to federal prosecution if he or she willfully fails to pay child support that has been ordered by a court for a child who lives in another state, or if the payment is past due for longer than one year or exceeds the amount of $5,000. A violation of this law is a criminal misdemeanor, and convicted offenders face fines and up to six months in prison.”

There’s also an important distinction to be made between “deadbeat dads” — those who don’t want to shoulder the emotional or financial responsibility — and absent fathers — those who don’t live under the same roof as their child. Roughly one-in-five fathers who live apart from their children say they visit with them more than once a week, 29% say they see their children at least once a month and 21% visit several times a year, according to a 2011 survey by the Pew Research Center, a Washington, D.C. think tank. And 27% say they make no visits at all.

Yes, it’s possible for your nephew to leave his child nothing. But he would have to acknowledge his child in his will as a legal heir in order to disinherit him or her. (He’ll be gone then, so maybe he won’t mind leaving that bombshell behind for his wife and children to process.) Nobody wins in this situation: Not the mother of the child — who will receive no help with this child’s upbringing — not the child, and not the people intent on making sure this unborn child receives no inheritance. In 20 years, his other children may be more generous, and welcome their half-sibling into their lives.

You’re asking the wrong question of the wrong guy. Talk to your nephew about meeting his personal and financial responsibilities — and about what it means to be a man — rather than to an advice columnist about your nephew’s inheritance.

Do you have questions about inheritance, tipping, weddings, family feuds, friends or any tricky issues relating to manners and money? Send them to MarketWatch’s Moneyist and please include the state where you live (no full names will be used).

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(This story was republished on Feb. 2, 2018.)

Hello there, MarketWatchers. Check out the Moneyist private Facebook group, where we look for answers to life’s thorniest money issues. Readers write in to me with all sorts of dilemmas: inheritance, wills, divorce, tipping, gifting. I often talk to lawyers, accountants, financial advisers and other experts, in addition to offering my own thoughts. I receive more letters than I could ever answer, so I’ll be bringing all of that guidance — including some you might not see in these columns — to this group. Post your questions, tell me what you want to know more about, or weigh in on the latest Moneyist columns.

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