Mother suffers ongoing terror

The horror Sue Mill feels at 3am has barely lessened since her son, Josh, died two years ago.

She still wakes up hearing Josh’s mates banging at the door of the family home at Currimundi, and their frantic screams.

Josh, who had been out with friends celebrating his 22nd birthday, died after a fight near a taxi rank at Minchinton Street, Caloundra, about 2.45am on October 20, 2007.

“I was at home asleep not knowing that this would be my last night of restful sleep ever again,” Sue said.

“Rushing to Caloundra hospital, I was met by the emergency doctor.

“The doctor sat down with me to explain that my son had died after suffering massive head trauma and that they had tried everything to revive him.

“I was then led to where Josh was, looking at him on the trolley.

“With the tube still in his throat, he looked like he was asleep. His skin was warm and soft to touch and hug.

“The whole world stopped for such a long time as I sat with the man who was my baby, my toddler, my teenager who I had managed to keep safe for all those years.

“Nothing has made sense since my son was killed.

“All I could think of was my boy and wanting to be with him.

“Any parent who has lost a child will tell you that there is no way forward.

“Nothing prepares you for the horror and overwhelming grief that devours you.

“He was a special boy, a great son and loving brother who had many friends and a wonderful fiancée, Sarah.

“Everyone liked Josh. He was popular at school, a talented sportsman with an affinity for the outdoors and was still an active surf life saving member after starting as a nipper.

“I visualised my life with him still there, imagining Sarah and Josh on their wedding day, how many children they would have, would they be all boys or girls, who they take after in looks, how proud I would have been as a grandmother.”

Over the past three weeks, two men have faced a trial in Brisbane supreme court over Mr Mill’s death. The jury found Lucas James Walsh guilty but could not accept the Crown case that Gregory Keith Lynam was involved, acquitting him.

Ms Mill said she coped with medication and alcohol, with special occasions like Mother’s Day the hardest.

“My paranoia is out of control. I live in a constant state of fear, terrified that my daughter, Jade, will not come home one day,” she said.

“She is all I have left.

“So this is my new world, a world of paranoia, fear, anger, guilt and loss. A world that someone else created for me by taking him away.

“How could this supposed civilised and cultured society that we live in allow a wonderful young man with everything to live for, and so much to give, be allowed to die in such a cold and callous way all because he went to help his friend?

“My son is dead because of a violent act and I have to live with that fact every day.

“I am told eventually I will get over it. That is not true. I have come to realise that the reason loss is so all consuming, is because we do not get over it, we just learn to live with it.”