Sometimes we don’t choose who will be our first kiss, who we will be in love with, who will make our world disappear. Sometimes it can be a stranger come out of nowhere, sometimes it can be a friend, sometimes it can be your closest pal.

Teenage love; it can be rough sometimes, it makes us feel happy, angry, sad & a lot of more things. Thinking about love at this age is just as difficult as a calculus test, even more difficult sometimes. We want to know what the other one is thinking. What does he or she feels. We want to know the truth. We want to know what is really going on. But we need to be honest, that does not happens that often at this age. Several times it’s just a quick moment that feels good and that’s all.

Love is one of the most powerful things in the world, at the end of the day it’s what keep us humans. Love can be criticized in many ways, but what some people don’t understand is that teenage love can be a little bit rushed out but it can be real in certain cases. There are teenagers that have experienced what real love is. They have had the opportunity of learning along their short life, maybe luck, maybe destiny. And they have had a really good time.

On the other hand, there are the ones that at a short age don’t really know the meaning of love. Some of us think it’s all about having someone around and brag about it. I certainly don’t know what real love is. I think it depends a lot on how it has been presented to each one of us since we were little. A true definition is made up by every single one of us.

Lets be honest. How many times we’ve said were in love with someone without knowing that person that much? At some point everyone, no matter the age, has had imagined a whole story with the crush of the moment. Awkward, but true.

Teenage love is one of the most amazing things to experiment. We can make mistakes. We learn from those first loves. We become a better person for the other. We try our best. Enjoy every single moment of love in your life, no matter if it is short or long. What matters is that you actually get the most out of it.

We all have that one movie that makes us feel a lot of things at the same time. Well, for me Love, Rosie is personally one of the most amazing movies I’ve ever seen. It shows how a truly friendship can beat any obstacle no matter what. Love is the weapon against everything. This movie does not only refers to love as in a romantic way, it includes family, passion and friendship. Different perspectives of what love can be, are shown.

Family love; because despite the mistake she made, they all stick together till the end. Family will always be there for you, no matter how hard the situation can get.

Couple love; sometimes it doesn’t last as much as people want to, it can be hard to find and to keep that spark alive.

Friendship love; one of the most difficult types of love may I add. Finding someone you can share everything with, can be hard. Now a days, finding a real friend can be very unlikely. We don’t know who we can trust and who is not good enough for us. Sometimes feelings get along the way, romantic ones, not the ones that friends are supposed to feel. Friendship can be ruined because of different feelings about each other, one may feel something stronger than the other one. Misunderstandings happen and they change everything.

I love this movie, actually it is my favorite one. Why? Because I can relate to it. I’ve had lots of guy friends, they all help me, be there when I need them, but at the end feelings came across and those ruin everything. I know that it is supposed to be kept the way it is, no matter what. Best friends will always stick together, but when stronger romantic love comes on the way it changes. I also relate on the family part. I’ve always been supported by them, no matter what, they are there for me. And finally i relate on the fact that I’m able to feel loved by my friends and family and there’s no way I’ll like to change that.

“No matter where you are or what you are doing or who you are with, I will always honestly, truly, completely love you” -Rosie.

Many people have called me “insensitive”, “You have no feelings”, “You don’t care about anything or anyone besides yourself.” I’ve listen all of those at least 1000 times on the last years.

The thing is; I hide my emotions for myself, sharing them it’s like failing me. I do not show my feelings to anyone, if I do they must be really important and trustable. When I cry, it’s because I’m really overwhelmed and I need to. Is not that I like to do it that often. There are those days when I’m just sick of all the crap people throw, when I cannot hold anymore my emotions.

I don’t know if it’s just me, but sometimes I just feel like my chest is going to explode internally. I can actually feel all my emotions at once. Then the crying and crisis starts. My breath starts to fail a little, I feel a hole all over me, I cannot remember why I’m feeling that way. It just happens. I just need a movie, a serie, a book or a song and it will start.

My mom says “Hiding your feelings and keeping them, its bad for your health. You overwhelm your body and until you can’t keep those emotions there, is when your break. Stop that. Remember is for your own good.” I know she’s right, but I just feel vulnerable when I show something. I just can’t let it happen. I know it might sound crazy, but I’ve tried and instead of feeling better it gets worst.

My advice; find a way to give away those hidden emotions, we all need somehow to let them out. I will keep searching the best option for me and not overwhelm my body. I hope we all find our way out for this.

Two guys, one girl, a lot of emotions and million of discussions, in a year a lot of things can happen, a lot of things can change, an important relation can be ruined and you can realize who your real friends are.

Characters:

My best guy friend – Jence

The cousin – Matthew

Author, Me – Clarissa

My best girl friend – Danielle

Chapter I

October, 2015

There was this boy, one of my best friends, we were talking as usually at the middle of the night, when he started to talk about a guy just like that so randomly, he told me lots of good things about him, his experiences and where he had already traveled. The next day, it was school day, we talked normally until he mentioned that guy again, we were in french class when he told me that the guy he was talking about yesterday was his cousin and he was going to get into our high school, at first I just say that it was cool, because of the things he told me it seemed that he was an interesting guy, then I just realized that I knew a lot about him without even knowing who he was, so I asked why he told me all of that, and he just said that he wanted me to be his cousins friend.

November, 2015

Days pass by until we saw this guy presenting the entrance exam in the guiding counselors office, I just commented that the guy was good-looking, when we kept walking to our classroom Jence told me that he was his cousin, so I just shut and keep walking until we arrived to the classroom when Jence tried to talk to me about what I said before, I just changed the conversation talking about a movie. At the end of the day Jence sent me a message asking if I really thought that his cousin was good-looking, I had to admit that he really was, so I just said yes, and that was the key word that changed everything…

Anxiety has been a problem since I started high school, I’ve already had several break downs and got into the hospital because of it.

Over thinking is one of the most common symptoms I have when I’m going to start with an anxiety break down. My head starts hurting like hell, I just can’t focus on anything, every single problem, memory, person comes through my mind at the same time. My heart starts racing, I feel tightening on the chest, start with quick breathing and restlessness.

There are some nights when I just can’t sleep, so I just start watching YouTube videos, which are basically about my favorite tv series or movies, and I just cry out my eyes without any reason. Why? Because information gets stuck in our heads like we need to check out every single thing that happens to us, movies and tv shows personally affect me a lot when I’m going through a similar situation, feeling like nobody cares or likes you because some foolish reasons, being paralyzed by a new project or presentation or experience, feel like you’re alone in this big world.

I’ve been trying to deal with this problem, with such things that actually work for me like

Listening to music without headphones, cause if I start with earphones I just get lost and my head starts to hurt again, so when my anxiety has already slow down a little, I just put earphones on.

Smell peppermint; this actually helps me a lot, so I can relax and slow down my breathing

Close my eyes and start breathing slowly

Try not to think on anything, just focusing on my own breathing

But what mostly works its music, I don’t know what I would do without it, I’m basically listening to music every single day, every single time. When I have this break downs all I can do is play my Shawn Mendes songs and just focus on his voice, I don’t know how his voice can control my anxiety, its like magic I swear. When everything gets calm I start listening to my focus playlist on Spotify, and my anxiety goes away for the night.

I know how this thing can make you feel sad and angry and frustrated at the same time, but believe me, find those things that can make you feel better, you’ll go through them and youll feel better, I know that its hard, but remember that you’re the only one that can control it, so don’t be afraid and fight against those anxiety break downs that makes us feel the most vulnerable person in the world, cause we are not. I highly recommend to try out those things I mention maybe you have that one artist or that one person that can help you get calm.

Every single night I used to have this nightmare, it all began when I started reading those Shadowhunters series, but first let me tell you something, I can’t remember anything from my past, I’ve already forgotten every single thing that happened to me during my childhood, the only thing I can remember its a little boy, this guy that appears in every single dream I have, the problem it’s that I don’t even know his name, he’s just there as a grown up guy, but I know that he’s the little boy I remember from my childhood.

How can the books relate with my nightmare? In the book Clary can’t remember her past until she discovers she’s into the Shadowhunter world, when she’s with the silent brothers and the Soul-Sword, she starts to remember little fragments of her life, while reading that scene I actually started remembering some of mine too, creepy huh!

The dream always starts the same way, I’m in a kind of college with that guy, btw we are actually in a romantic relationship which is weird af, we just go to my normal high school and keep with a normal life, there we are just as normal teenagers living their lives.

This guy has Jace attitude, he’s just so sarcastic, mean, selfish but also he has that sensitive side he’s so caring and honest and charming, also he’s good-looking. I’ve tried finding this guy, with this characteristics but I just can’t, I try to remember but nothing seems to be real. But that’s not all the relation I’ve seen, Teen Wolf is also part of this, the tv show series have something that actually made me freak the most, the first part of last season talks about remembering, everything it’s about remembering this guy, it talks about the girl who’s trying to remember the guy, she knows he’s real but she can’t see him at all, only with her supernatural skills and in her dreams, after trying a lot he actually find the way to come back and they get together just the way they were meant to be.

In my case that hasn’t happened yet, I don’t know if its going to happen, he talks to me in all those dreams, he whispers things but when I wake up I just can’t remember anything about him or what he said last night, I don’t even remember his face, just the back of his head and simple characteristics like hair and skin color, I take it as a nightmare cause dreaming about someone you love, like really love, but without knowing who the hell he is, it’s just a nightmare for me, the most scaring thing it’s that I know that I have already met him before, there’s something blocked in my head which makes me get stuck in my last memories and not the first ones, I’ve tried a lot of things but nothing happens, maybe at the end of this high school year and when I head off to college I might find him or maybe it’s just that, a constant nightmare.

This is the beginning of something new, new opportunities, new friends, new experiences, it’s the beginning of a completely new life for me.

I was suffering like crazy because I didn’t knew where to go to college, I had trouble with picking up a good one without spending a lot of money. At the end everything that I went through during those hard 4 months were worth it, now I’m extremely sure which is the path I’m going to follow.

I’m actually heading off to another state from Mexico, I’m nervous because its going to be something I’ve never experienced before, but thinking about the situation made me realized that this is what I really want.

I also got a good scholarship, I’m excited about this whole thing, now I have to learn lots of things but I have the feeling that this is going to be one of the most amazing experiences in my whole life.

What I’ve learned about this? Well, first of all its that family is going to be there always for you no matter which decisions you make if those decision make you happy then they will understand. Second, when you really want something and you fight for it you achieve it, really I can truly say that working so hard on this whole college stuff has thought me like a lot an at the end I reached my goal. And the last thing is that I’ve learned that not always you’re going to gain every single thing as fast as you think, sometimes you have to work harder to achieve them, we are all capable of reaching our goals, we just have to try to trust in ourselves.

I can proudly say, I DID IT! And there’s no more satisfaction than knowing where you’re going to conclude your student life. My last advice is to focus on what you really want and do it for yourself not someone else cause at the end you’re the one whose gonna live that life.

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“Without bad days we could never appreciate the good ones”

Sharing what we think is a good way to free our minds from the rough stuff we are living. Sometimes a little letter, a quote or a 2:00 am morning message can change us, and that is what matters, we have to live as much as we can. Time flies really fast, so we do not have to spend every single minute complaining about everything.
P. D. I do not own this photos, they are from We heart it & Pinterest apps.