129 Responses

I’m sorry, but the Grammar FREAK in me feels compelled to say that you cannot have a first annual anything. You can only attach ‘annual’ to an event from the second year onward, because while you may have every intention of doing the same thing at roughly the same time next year, you do not know for sure if it will happen.

So tell me Alan, when attending the FAHA awards at the FAHA Awards Banquet, (and rumors are swirling that Trudy is thinking of holding it down in the cafeteria during lunchtime so the cafeteria staff can accept their “Silver Spatula Spirit” award without having to actually leave the cafeteria), are you going to be a presenter and wear a tie and be all flouncey?

Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel
Get your chick peas and some pita bread
No chick peas? Use beans instead!
Chop up some parsley and coriander
You’ll need some cumin and a bit of flour
Form the mixture into a small ball
Eat a falafel, eat ‘em one and all
Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel

Tell Trudy that it’s a GREAT idea, but of course the categories should motivate people to work toward the companies’ goals. Ask her what those goals are ;-)
Ask her how they are measured, by whom, how often and how they are coupled to pay? Now duck!

For each category, of coarse(sic!), the level of achievement has to be objectively measurable, to avoid any accusations of favouritism later. Ask her to define an objective measure for each category.

Right, that’s HR tied in a knot ;-)

Take the rest of the committee for a beer at HR’s expense (motivation, right?) ;-)

Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel
Get your chick peas and some pita bread
No chick peas? Use beans instead!
Chop up some parsley and coriander
You’ll need some cumin and a bit of flour
Form the mixture into a small ball
Eat a falafel, eat ‘em one and all
Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel

Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel
Get your chick peas and some pita bread
No chick peas? Use beans instead!
Chop up some parsley and coriander
You’ll need some cumin and a bit of flour
Form the mixture into a small ball
Eat a falafel, eat ‘em one and all
Come on, kids, it ain’t awful
Let’s all do the FAHA falafel

Isn’t it enough that we actually “recognize” our co-workers? By which I mean, we know their first names – sometimes. I mean, I can call Lawrence “Lance”, it’s close enough. And we can match the employee to their nameplate on their desk.

Ha! I once wrote a story about an ex-Chippendales dancer named Lance Steel. His wife Patty left him, taking their son Cody with her. He eventually falls in with a unlicensed therapist and they make compilation music CDs for their friends and ultimately try selling them online as “Lance Steel’s Motivational Music.” Sounds like a pitch; its not.

True story and it has nothing to do with the Spirit Committee, but does anything on this thread ever relate to the post. A person can bream can’t they.

I’d like to thank Typhoid Mildred for scaring the hell out of me; Baltazar for the constant updates on his swollen balls; Carlita for once almost remembering my name; Farook for his constant reminders that I could be fired any day; Goth Mark for sharing his delightful music; Jack from Payroll for spilling hot coffee on my lap on more than one occasion; Mary Margaret for crying and all the joke emails; Mike for sharing too much information; my boss, Clark, for, hmm, being my boss; Naline for singing all day; Nutless Tom for being a virtually unrecognizable character so far; Oleg for being ambiguous, and Trudy from HR for setting up these awards. Thank you, everyone. You’re an inspiration. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find a place to hide from you all!

Okay, Alan, you are sort of lucky here – I will tell you why. All you have to do is sit there and look cognizant – while not having to actually work.
Back in the day, my boss got the bright idea to have people from my office PAINT A HOUSE! Yeah, that’s right, a friggin house. It was some, “community outreach” (publicity) deal. The Office (bank) bought the paint and brushes, etc., and met at the home of some old lady – who was thrilled that we were going to paint her whole house – in one day. It was a Saturday, our day off of course. The guys brought ladders, the, “Team leader” assigned us our positions and we started the paint. That was about 8 AM in June (which is damn hot in Colorado where I was living at the time). Okay, about 10 AM the boss shows up – in a golf shirt and chino pants (NOT the kind you wear to paint). He goes around to each group and compliments us, chatting with some with the guys, yada, yada. Then we break for lunch – which we brought from home. The old lady joins us and eats our lunch stuff. Fine. Our boss is nowhere to be found. About 2 PM the Bank President shows up – with a TV news reporter and camera trailing him. Suddenly, our boss shows up – he’s been inside chatting up the old lady while we painted. The big boss walks around and asks some busty broad to see her brush – all the while looking down her low cut shirt – and he “poses” with the brush (one foot on a rung of a ladder) and has a photo op! He leaves, and shortly after that, our boss leaves – and we finish the house, leaving after 5 PM!
That night the house, and big boss is on TV. He tells the camera about the bank – you can vaguely see us working in the background. The next day the big boss’ picture in the paper – and our boss gets a GD plaque! He tells us that he is writing up our good deed in our, “File!” Never heard about it again.
The next year, I came up with my vague ailment that prevented me from participating – as, “much as I want to do so…” Sure!
So, Alan, it could be worse…
Bad memories…
Sally P

I’m considering it, Bob. Although, there’s a certain fellow there that I have my doubts about. I think you know who I’m talking about… But he is a friend of yours and so I don’t want to say anything too negative..

Sudden outburts of speech is definetly a sympton of Tourettes Syndrome and not something to be taken lightly. You’ve never mentioned this type of behaviour before and I’m thinking it might be stress related. Remember when I referenced Hypothermia as a great sick day off excuse, well, this Tourettes Syndrome issue just might be your “out” for this whole Spirit Commitee thing. Just a thought. Oh, and read somewhere that Tourettes is curable by a little of the “bud” if you know what I mean.

Thanks for the tip, Russ! Next time my daughter is caught smoking I’ll just tell everyone it’s self medication. Although, I guess it really always is. Does it work for OCD, too? Hmmm…I sense a visit to a fast food drive through coming on.

You really are everyone, aren’t you? I’m so confused, I think I should have left breadcrumbs to find my way out of this thread. Or perhaps I’ll just make a nice nest here out of the multiple personalities and sleep for a bit.

You just do whatever it takes, dear. I’ll put on some coco and get a box of wine. Then I’ll tell you about the time my second husband, Cleveland, brought his nephew Rolph over for dinner. Rolph was about six years old. Precocious too. Anyway, at the dinner table he just kept asking me over and over for a chocolate biscuit. The boy bothered me and he bothered me…

Dear Millicent,
I can’t help but notice that you used the “hepped up on weed” phrase twice. This must mean that you have a deep-seated need for me to respond to it in some affirming, complimentary way.
Here it is:
Nicely done, dear, quite clever and all that drivel.
Now, if you don’t mind, pass the dutchie on the left hand side.
Toastedly, if not warmly,
BKT

“Gotta admit, I was pretty surprised it was me.”
Lol’d that. Nice.
They have these things at my job, including one of which is referred to as the “highest award” an employee in this industry can receive and I just always think, “Who gives a shit?”
Man, I’m a crank.