Posts Tagged ‘electrons’

We at DisneyLies are very concerned about the following article which we reprint in its entirety without comment from what we’re claiming is the disneylandattractivefemale.com website.

Greetings, this is Vanessa Hotty, owner and writer at disneylandattractivefemale.com.

Everyone from President Richard Nixon to leaders of countries that aren’t Russia to anyone who has won a Superbowl have visited Disneyland for its purportedly “family friendly” and “magical” atmosphere.

Unfortunately, not only these people have been duped, but billions of people all over the world have been, too.

I discovered that many attractions at Disneyland, such as Space Mountain, contain a technological element referred to as electron streams. These are used in all the Space Mountains at Disney parks in America and around the world.

The electron streams at Disneyland are the same as those used in atomic weapons, communist dictatorships’ printing presses, and the electric chairs in federal penitentiaries. They are not supposed to be touched by people. And are most certainly not “magical”.

Disneyland is using this technological abomination to power special effects and lighting which allows them to run Space Mountain faster and cheaper than if everything were moved manually and lit with candles, but without caring a whit about these dangers and alarming thingies:

Electron streams can be found in lightning, one of nature’s most dangerous phenomena.

The U.S. uses electron streams to perform public executions, even though the death penalty has been illegal in Europe for decades.

A mad scientist and enemy of awesome genius Nicola Tesla once used streams of electrons to kill a poor, innocent elephant.

Electron streams often lead to the formation of magnetic fields which are used in junk yards to pick up cars and take them to be smashed.

A big-rig truck that contained enormous numbers of electrons in both its structure and cargo once hit a school bus and killed or injured dozens of innocent children (and possibly nuns and puppies).

I implore you to join me and demand that Disneyland remove electron streams from their attractions. Disneyland doesn’t have to go back to the drawing board. They can use live actors instead of electron-tainted Lincolns and hydraulics, pneumatics, and good-old elbow grease to launch their mountains into space and keep their non-electrocuted elephant rides spinning.

Disneyland is the best theme park company in the world. If Disneyland changes Space Mountain, we are convinced this could push other ride operators across the globe to finally banish this hazardous elemental force once and for all time.

As people who pay nearly $100 just to get in the gate, we deserve real magic — not electric chairs.