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Who Dey Revolution Manifesto

Preamble

IN THIS TIME of perpetual Cincinnati Bengals incompetence and futility, with zero playoff wins in the nineteen seasons since the WhoDeyRevolution Godfather, Paul Brown, passed away in 1991 and handed the team to his fortunate son, the Despot, Mike Brown;

Introduction

WE, the members of the Who Dey Revolution, in our fervent dedication to the Cincinnati Bengals and fanatical desire to transform our hometown team into perpetual Super Bowl contenders, call for a popular revolution of fans to demand comprehensive reform to the managerial decisions and approach of Cincinnati Bengals ownership, management, staff and players, and hereby call for the adoption of the following Who Dey Revolution Manifesto:

Manifesto Demands

THAT the Mike Brown, Katie Blackburn, Marvin Lewis, along with every other member of the Bengals management, staff and personnel, state publicly to all Bengals fans, “I will do everything in my power to help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl;”

THAT Mike Brown will hire a general manager, drastically expand the scouting department and relinquish all control of player personnel;

THAT all training, rehabilitation and medical facilities are considered best-in-class compared to other NFL teams;

THAT the management fill the team only with players who fit the system, both mentally and physically, and are not reluctant to makes changes to player personnel when needed, regardless of cost or loyalty concerns;

THAT offensive and defensive line depth is considered the top priority for all player personnel decisions;

THAT all decisions made by ownership, management, staff and players, both on and off the field, are judged only by this criterion: “Does this help the Cincinnati Bengals win a Super Bowl?”

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October 06, 2010

(go reds. wooo hoooo.)

So we're a football blog about the bengals and not about the Reds and i'm trying to contain the Reds talk and baseball's boring unfair the games take too long this is a football country now i hate math...well fuck that. GO REDS!!!!! YEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! HOT FUCKING REDS ACTION COME GET SOME!!!!!

Ok. Got that out of my system. Only one point I want to make:

I know the Reds play the hottest team that also has the talent and playoff experience to back it up heading into the post season ever but I counter with this: eat shit Philly. I am glad we got them in the first round. It sure seems like the Reds have to go through Philly at some point to get to the World Series so I'd rather face them in a 5 game series than a 7 game series. It's simple really. As we all know now from Bill James & other nerds, baseball amounts to a series of statistical formulas that inexorably play themselves out over the course of a 162 game season and allow you to predict exactly what will happen.* This allows for the following irrefutable logical proof:

The Phillies are better than the Reds.

The shorter the number of games played the more randomness can dominate the underlying fact that the Phillies are better than the Reds.

5 games is shorter than 7 games.

A shorter series means randomness will have a larger effect on the Reds - Phillies series than a longer series.

The Reds will therefore win.

Boom. Science. I'd like to see you find this type of incisive, hard-hitting analysis from ESPN.poo.

Listen, guys, I hope none of you have any idea how bad Phillies fans are from personal experience. I spent July 2009 through early August 2010 in Philly/Cherry Hill, NJ (right across the river), so I dealt with those mongoloid mouth breathers quite extensively. As badly as I hate the Yankees, I'm glad they won the World Series last year, just because it means Philly didn't. Did you hear about the guy that got killed near the stadium during a Phillies' game last year? He was at his friend's bachelor party at a bar in the sports complex and one of his other friends spilled another guy's beer. They left the bar and spilled beer guy and his friends followed them out, started a fight, and the guy in the bachelor party ended up dying like two days later from head wounds. AND THEY WERE ALL PHILLIES FANS!

Your team is named after girl horses, and your city is nicknamed "The City Of Brotherly Love [for girl horses]"

Wait a minute, your team is actually named after cream cheese (or many individual cream cheeses)...with a name like that, Philly, you are obviously into fat women at office parties...oh yeah, have some of that dip, that dip, and whatever's in that dip...what do you mean 'whatever'? More like, whatever and cream cheese...lucky you...have at it,
you buncha P-hats!!!

Wow that was like waiting umpty-ump years for the playoffs and Carson gets hurt on play #2 from scrimmage.
The Reds waited fifteen long miserable fucking years to get to the playoffs only to not get one fucking hit. Fuck it.