I'm getting ready to separate from H and move into a new place this weekend. We're planning a 2/2/3 schedule for visitation with our kids, ages 8 and 4 (twins). Can anyone share how this schedule worked out for you? I feel like it will be a good fit for our family, just wanting to look out for potential problems. Thanks :).

The schedule would continue to alternate: Mon/Tues with Mom, Wed/Thurs with Dad, Fri/Sat/Sun with Mom, Mon/Tues with Dad, Wed/Thurs with Mom, Fri/Sat/Sun with Dad. etc. Yes, definitely the potential for confusion!

Our houses are 5 min from each other. Lots of shuffling for sure, but hopefully being so close will help. My thought was that with kids so young I didn't want them to be without either one of us for very many days in a row. Our relationship is quite civil, which will hopefully help too. I'm hoping to work an occasional family dinner or family outing into the schedule at some point.

Family dinner or family outing?? Like everyone?? You, the kids and ex?? That is going to be confusing for the kids. Most 'experts', family therapists, counselors, etc will tell you that trying to do things 'as a family' is going to lead the kids to believe you and ex are going to get back together again.

It really should be YOUR time and HIS time. There really isnt 'family' time as it was before. You don't know what goes on in his house, he could be dating, have a 'friend' or whatever. What happens if you want 'family' time and EX brings a new friend into the equation. That is going to be confusing as all heck. Or what if you find a friend? Skip the family time. There is dads house and moms house.

The kids will adjust, I just think the schedule is confusing as all get out and could get problematic when there are activities or during the school year. What happens when someone has to work late and forgets there 2 days starts?

Is this schedule something you want, you and ex want, something the kids kinda want? If your oldest is 8 she is old enough to kinda have a say. (I may get flamed for that)

I agree that the kids' preferences should be given consideration. I hate the back-and-forth, and I think it's hard on kids, but we do it too. When my parents divorced when I was seven, we would have family dinners a couple of times a week (more on this in a sec), and he'd pick us up from school and hang out at our house until said dinner, and even stay and watch tv after. We only stayed at his house every other weekend. That all suited me just fine, but now that I'm grown I can only imagine that it made my mom's dating life a mess.

I loved those family dinners, and I'm all for them. I never thought my parents were going to get back together, but dad hung out with us so frequently that I didn't even care that they were divorced. It would have been a totally different story if I hardly ever saw him again. These days my DD and I (and sometimes my husband, too!) have family dinners with my ex (hell, he's even going to be staying with us for six weeks this summer), and they're great and DD's never once asked if we're going to get back together.

But my personal recommendation is to not do the back-and-forth. Two days here and two days there is just fantastically hard on kids. I don't think it's good for them and I don't like it (I can't even imagine moving myself to a different house every two days. It sounds awful.) I don't feel like much is accomplished by spending the night somewhere -- not much bonding happens while parent and child are asleep. My ideal schedule would be one like my parents had: every other weekend at Dad's and plenty of weekday/weekend visitation. But of course, feel free to completely ignore my personal recommendation -- in some situations, it's just the lesser of many evils, and can't be helped.

This kind of schedule gets VERY confusing when school activities really get going, as well as when the kids want to have friends over or go places with friends. It gets worse when both parents aren't on the same page with activities - Mom will take me to practice but Dad won't, so I can only do basketball every other Monday and the opposite Thursday.

My brother and I were on a similar schedule when we were young. In middle school we said "ENOUGH!" and insisted on one week on, one week off.

Ick. My ex wanted something crazy like this, and I am SO thankful that I said a huge resounding HELL NO. My ds would be a mess of nerves if he was constantly being picked up by someone different (he's almost 2.5years old), and he would definitely NOT be doing as well as he is.

Our schedule is much more simple, but still allows for lots of daddy time. I have ds full time, he lives with me (I think its important for children to have ONE home - he loves his dad, but his dad is constantly moving back and forth between his apartment, his moms apartment and his dad's house - there is ZERO stability there). Then, every Thursday he spends the night at dad's house. And his dad has EOW (which means on his weekend he picks ds up on Thursday and keeps him until Sunday).

This is predictable for ALL of us, so our work/school schedules revolve around this, and ds knows that on Thursday daddy picks him up, and that mommy picks him up every other day.

My neighbors follow the same 2/2/3 schedule. I guess it works for them but they also live a block apart in a really small town which makes it much easier. The dad is my neighbor and I think he likes it. I know the mom hates it and wishes she would have fought for a more standard schedule. I know they have some problems keeping up with school/homework but some of that is parenting differences rather than the schedule.

We are just beginning the divorce process. He is going to want this. I don't.

We've been doing your suggested schedule for over three years now (Mon/Tues with Mom, Wed/Thurs with Dad, Fri/Sat/Sun with Mom, Mon/Tues with Dad, Wed/Thurs with Mom, Fri/Sat/Sun with Dad.). It works very well for DD and for both parents. It gives us each a chance to attend her weekly activities (or we both go if the parent she's not with that evening wants to go too). We started gradually, as DD was used to being with me full time. FWIW, I would suggest backing off the family dinners/outings, especially at first, so there's no confusion on the kids' part about their parents getting back together. By all means, keep it civil or even friendly and you should both attend school and sport functions when you can, but minimise the family time where it's just you guys.

We do change the schedule a bit during the summer break, with each of us having the option of going out of town for a week with DD twice during the summer. Otherwise, if we're in town, the expectation is that we keep to the 2/2/3 schedule for the evenings. I'm not sure that makes sense! LOL Here are some example: I have DD for a week and I go out of town, so we resume the normal schedule when we return. Dad has DD for a week but stays in town, so he has her 7 days in a row but the evenings remain 2/2/3 unless he's made special plans (a get-together with friends for supper, etc).

The key is to remain flexible, both ways, and to not expect the other parent to change their schedule at a moment's notice.

my kids do rather a lot of back and forth (almost every other night at each house) BUT we have a regular weekly schedule to make it easy to keep track for all of us. Sun, Tues & Thurs are Daddy nights (and they only sleep there during the week, they have dinner with me) and then we alternate the rest of the weekend (Sat & Sun am). This works out to him getting 35% visitation but lets them see him often. They also have the option of going over there for breakfast when they've slept here (he lives next door) but that is happening less and less since he started a new job and has to leave for work around 7am.

My 6 yr old constantly asks if it's a Daddy night, even though he understands the days of the week and that T & S nights are with Daddy, so it's obviously still confusing for him to split up his time, but I can't imagine how confusing it would be if the schedule changed all the time. I know people who do it, but it would make me insane.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Robin~ single, work-at-home To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. momma to my Wonderboys

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. BigKid (6/00) & To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. LittleBoy (6/04)

We have a schedule similar to SSM that works very well for us (DD is 3): I have her the majority of the time, with W/Th nights and EOW Sat am - Sun noon with her dad. He thinks it's 50/50 so it feels good to him, but I feel like she has a primary home with me, so I feel okay with it. She thinks she has two homes, and thinks she's lucky. So far, so good. We've been at this a year and a half -- I'm sure things will get trickier when she's in school (right now she's in daycare full time) but I'm appreciating the relative ease of it right now.

Believe it or not a 2/2/3 would be a great alternative to the the non-schedule we have now. DS generally wants to be with his dad and I allow that so I get whatever leftovers his dad can't do because of work and fill in all the odd gaps say from 645am till school and the 2-3 days to almost make it a 50/50. I need to get more firm about needing a better schedule but it always starts a fight and I have more work flexibility to be there when he can't. I think my ideal schedule would be more like one day on one day off...and alternate weekends. The 2/2/3 sounds great too.

I do something very similar but we have fixed days during the weekdays. My dd is much younger and not in a lot of activities. I wanted it this way for one main reason - it helps me remember when I have time with dd and plan that accordingly without having to look at a calendar. It also helps me plan things and build relationships for things like classes or working late. Otherwise I would always be second guessing myself and it would hard for me to plan anything in advance with regards to hobbies or work.

That schedule would drive me batty! And I think DS (6) too. He craves predictability- doesn't seem to matter to him what the schedule is as long as he can anticipate what is coming up. When we first split EX asked for Tu and Th after school till after dinner and Sat evening to Sunday evening. I agreed and generally I really liked that arrangement. DS knew when he'd see me and when he'd see his dad. I always knew I had Sat night and all day Sun for me.

Then EX got a new gf who had her kids eow and suddenly he needed that schedule. I said no way bc EX is not good about getting him to bed at a decent hour and DS returns whiny and difficult on Sunday evenings- no way 3 nights of not enough sleep will result in good things at school on Monday- or for me Monday afternoons! So we compromised with EX getting him one full weekend, me getting him a full weekend, then splitting two weekends like we always had- then repeat. So DS is only overtired at school one monday a month- lol. It's been awful. DS never knows what is going on and where he's going. I have a hard time planning things. I told EX as soon as school's out we'll switch to EOW and continue it into the next school year. EX doesn't want it now that the gf is gone and he can play golf 3 Saturdays a month with the newer childless gf. But I insisted.

So DS will be going Tu and Th evenings and EOW from Fri evening to Mon morning. I can't wait for the more predictable schedule. There may come a time in the future when he sleeps over on Tues and Thurs nights too. That would be nice bc I could actually take classes or have a social life without having to run to get him at 7 pm! Never thought I'd be saying that!

But yeah- DS and I are alike in that we need something we can easily follow- ALWAYS with daddy 2 nights a week and every other weekend is easy to remember for all of us. And we both attend school functions and soccer games and such- if daddy wants to take him out to lunch after soccer even though it's not his weekend- I'm usually cool with that. Flexibility is great.

It's interesting to me that most of the people who are supportive of this schedule are the ones who have actually done it, and the ones that are haven't tried it. I guess we all have a pretty good idea what will work for our families from the start.

We follow the 2/2/3 schedule. It helps though to have certain days that are mine and days that are his. We plan activities around that and the kids feel confident about where they are going. This is ours: MT-mom, WTh-dad, FSaSun-every other. That way, on Tuesday, my youngest is already prepped for a "mom day". No potential confusion or disappointment. We don't change schedule that often. Maybe switch a weekend here and there. It also helped plan afterschool activities to have certain days of the week that I knew I always had them. Also, if you want to take a college course, cooking class, swing dancing....who knows ...you can plan on certain days.

We've been doing it this way for 1.5 years and it's been pretty good most of the time.

So one week is 2/2/3, the next week is pretty much 2/2/5? Or do you switch something else around so that you don't go 5 days without seeing the little ones?

Quote:

Originally Posted by vannienicole

We follow the 2/2/3 schedule. It helps though to have certain days that are mine and days that are his. We plan activities around that and the kids feel confident about where they are going. This is ours: MT-mom, WTh-dad, FSaSun-every other. That way, on Tuesday, my youngest is already prepped for a "mom day". No potential confusion or disappointment. We don't change schedule that often. Maybe switch a weekend here and there. It also helped plan afterschool activities to have certain days of the week that I knew I always had them. Also, if you want to take a college course, cooking class, swing dancing....who knows ...you can plan on certain days.

We've been doing it this way for 1.5 years and it's been pretty good most of the time.

Also wanted to mention to those that are worried about keeping schedules straight... Google calendar rocks.

The schedule would continue to alternate: Mon/Tues with Mom, Wed/Thurs with Dad, Fri/Sat/Sun with Mom, Mon/Tues with Dad, Wed/Thurs with Mom, Fri/Sat/Sun with Dad. etc. Yes, definitely the potential for confusion!

Our houses are 5 min from each other. Lots of shuffling for sure, but hopefully being so close will help. My thought was that with kids so young I didn't want them to be without either one of us for very many days in a row. Our relationship is quite civil, which will hopefully help too. I'm hoping to work an occasional family dinner or family outing into the schedule at some point.

We did this schedule for 9 yrs. It can work but there has to be alot of communication. My X left most things up to me to schedule etc. If your X is willing to work with you it works well. My X's wife tried to get involved in scheduling things and it through EVERYTHING off. I finally had to take her off the dr office list and school list and things worked much smoother.

So one week is 2/2/3, the next week is pretty much 2/2/5? Or do you switch something else around so that you don't go 5 days without seeing the little ones?

Also wanted to mention to those that are worried about keeping schedules straight... Google calendar rocks.

No, we do go 5 days without seeing them. However, I get them any day during the day he is a work and I am home. So, sometimes I go that long without seeing them, but with me substituting at my daughter's school, being a girl scout leader and being ultra involved, it's not too often I go the full five days without spending time with them.

I actually spoke with a friend who had a 2/2/3 arrangement. His was MT with mom, WTh with dad and FSS alternated one week with mom and the next with dad. After a year of that they switched to an every other week thing. He said it was just too disruptive and hard to follow the other way. They all agreed- he, the ex and the kids. They like the every other week thing much better. HIs kids were older when it started though- 9 and 12 years old.

we have a 1/1/1/1/1/2. so sunday night ex picks up dd, monday i pick up dd from school, tuesday i drop her and her dad picks her up. so he keeps her t, th, and sunday nights. i pick her up from school on friday and keep her till sunday night. there was never ever any confusion. we did drop offs and pick ups from school/dc.

we've been doing this since dd was 3. and it has worked really well for us. all these almost 6 years.

however we live kinda in the same neighbourhood. plus ex and i are v. flexible and change our days when needed. if we are busy then the other parent has the first choice of preference of keeping dd. if dd has an event on his day then we either exchange days or he takes her.

the thing is we did not create that schedule. that just naturally happened. and we've pretty much kept to it. i have received soo much flak for this schedule from others around me - esp. the worker when i was on foodstamps. she was so surprised it worked for our family. anything more than that - like week on week off or even 3 days would be too much time away from parents or child.

the key to this whole thing is choice. and it wasnt ex's or my choice - but dd. if she didnt want to go over to his place he was ok with it. if she wanted to spend another day with him that was ok with me.

intially there was a lot of changes to the schedule. this worked really well for dd as she learnt that her parents were available to her whenever she wanted it. if she goes 3 days without seeing a parent she misses them. esp. me. summer our schedule changes a lot because i am out of school so i have the flexibility to keep her. plus she has her friends over and we have constant sleep overs. or go to them. mostly a lot of my friends kids spend weeks here.

absolutely you guys can have dinners together or go to a play or something together. that is the most healthy thing to do. my dd really misses that

I guess we have a 2-2-1-1-Split schedule, which seems like it would be confusing. So, M/T, kids are with dad, W/Th, they are with me, we alternate Fridays and Saturdays (he has friday one week and I have Saturday), and Sunday we split the kids up so we can have one-on-one time with them. I realize on paper it seems really confusing, but it has worked out well for us. I would prefer to have an entire weekend, but their dad does art-type things and always needs to be somewhere at least one weekend night. The kids are 6 and 4 now and the older one has always kept the schedule straight and helps out his little sister. I believe as they get older, we will go into a more traditional arrangement, but I didn't think the kids would do well without seeing one of us every 2 days or so.

Also, we did the family dinners a lot in the beginning of the divorce/separation. But,then, my ex started seeing someone and now those are kaput. We were amicable, but there are reasons that we are not married. It started to become kind of hard for me to sit through dinner while he was sending and receiving texts from the girlfriend and not reallly paying attention to the kids.

Yes we tried the occasional dinner or activity together in the beginning but realized rather quickly that it was not working out. We were amicable but ds was confused by it. He would suggest we call and invite daddy to things we were doing. Or he'd ask if daddy could come on vacation with us. He also had trouble when it was time for us to go our separate ways. He didn't want to leave the one parent and when we'd say okay you can go with him/her then he didn't want to leave the other parent. It was definitely making it harder for him. Since we stopped doing that we rarely have that type of issue with him. He understands the "boundaries" much better and is happier.