Iggy Azalea and Jimmy Kimmel Collide in a Cosmic Fugue of Annoying

Crossover superstar Iggy Azalea recently made an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! in support of her newest album The New Classic. Before performing she joined Kimmel for a quirky little segment called “New Lyrics for Old People” where he essentially translates lyrics for the brain dead morons who lack the basic functions necessary for deductive reasoning. It was a simultaneous display of mind-numbing lyricism and really bad comedy, and we should be glad the universe didn’t implode as a result.

They were quite a pair, Azalea in a skintight red dress constructed out of Fruit Roll-Ups and Kimmel whose awkward body composition makes him look like a part-time bulimic. Really, with proportions in mind, take a closer look and there’s something not totally right. It’s very distracting like underneath his suit is the body of a 100-year-old man. The waka waka moments just poured in from all directions in the three-plus-minute segment. It was suffocating, but we realized three things:

Jimmy Kimmel is a chickenshit lapdog, and should be put on some dork list along with male flight attendants and mall cops. Seeing him strut through a segment with his safe, matter-of-fact personalty is both annoying and familiar. We all know someone with that cheesy smile, and would jump at the opportunity to Jimmy Snuka it right off him.

Iggy Azalea – who’s to her credit much sharper than people are willing to admit – wants to become a teacher after her rap career is over. A statement that shows that even she knows that the mainstream rap game is a con. And why the audience laughed at her for wanting more out of her life says a lot, a whole lot.

Basic cable is the graveyard where entertainment and free thought go to die. It’s better to smash your head into a wall than to tune in. At least with the former you can donate your brain to science. With the latter, all that would remain is a soupy pool of sour diarrhea.

Unwarranted_Assholery

I feel like this article was written by a very insecure person. I mean, yes, I find Iggy Azalea incredibly annoying, and I can see why Jimmy Kimmel might be perceived as lame, but the two of them are infinitely more likable than a big fat fucking jerk like Jeff Min.

About Jeff Min

Jeff Min is a Chicago-based writer at SONGLYRICS. His work has appeared in the Chicago Sun-Times, Hi-Fructose, Wax Poetics, SLAM, and HOOP.