I’m very much a fan of sexuality and the beautiful (and awful) ways it permeates our cultures, politics, relationships, decisions, religions, beliefs, etc. BDSM as a “sub-world” of sexuality (and all the folks who participate in it) fascinates me a bit—especially the Black folks. I recognize that everyone’s personal sex traits fall somewhere on the BDSM spectrum.

To me, sexuality simply is how a person feels about their body and how they feel in their body; these feelings determine what a person does with their body. Building off this definition, I am learning that eroticism (at its simplest) is the core of sexuality.

In many of our minds, BDSM is associated with White folk, and lately— thanks to so many books that flaunt sexy White male billionaires + kink— we’re continually programmed to associate BDSM with White folk who have money. (Let alone all the other fallacies we carry about BDSM.)

Is this a problem? Yep! This is just another way that the systems that be control sexuality, and more specifically, sexual freedom. These limited images assert that sexual freedom/prowess is restricted to certain a race and class— that sexual freedom is the fruit of their privilege. This asserts that you, Black girl, have no privileges. Therefore, how dare consider yourself sexually free. Free to feel good about your body; free to feel good in your body; free to do as you please with your body.

Do you understand how important this is? After all, we do not exist outside of this “sold as is” vessel.

When I really think about it, the biggest part of BDSM that interests me is this: you have to be honest to “play.” You have to be honest about:

who you are in the realm of sexuality

what you desire

who you desire it from

And then, very important, vocalize the desire.

Sadly, Black girl, honesty is a privilege that too many of us are not afforded.