I need opinions.

My husband has ADHD. We have a 4 year old son. Chances are, he will probably follow in his fathers footsteps and also have some variation of the disorder. In knowing this, we have already talked to his pediatrician about it because of some of the behaviors that he is already exhibiting. His pediatrician has said that she isn't comfortable testing him for ADD or ADHD until he is at least 5. He just turned 4. For the past couple weeks, we have had our son's cousins at our house. Brandon is acting out a lot more because of this. He is hitting, pinching, and pushing. He is a lot stronger than he realizes because he is 4 feet tall and weighs 50 lbs. So I personally think that some of his "bullying" is just because of his height difference between him and average sized children. Tonight, when my mother in law got home (we live with them), she decided to tell us that our son has behavior issues and that we need to do some research on how to deal with a child with development/behavior issues. She has basically diagnosed Brandon as having ADD/ADHD and told us that we are basically doing a disservice to Brandon by not having him treated or by keeping his day structured. Brandon starts Pre-K September 6th and will be attending from 8:20-1:45 every day of the week. I think that is quite a bit of structure already. He is our only child and he spends the days with me. I am a SAHM during the week and work outside the home on the weekends. Through the week, Brandon and I go to the library to get him around other kids at least once a week. She told us that when we discipline Brandon that you are SUPPOSED to give them one minute per year they are old (which is what we already did). According to her, with Brandon exhibiting the behavior, that we should not be doing that with him, but should only give him 1 minute because with him having ADD/ADHD (according to her), he simply can not remember why he is in trouble and that we are setting him up to fail if we give him any longer than that. Am I wrong for having gotten so angry with her about her "opinions" or are there valid points in there that I am just too sensitive to see. If that's the case, that's fine. I just don't like being talked to the way I was about my child. I have always known that whatever her "opinion" was was law according to her. I have never agreed with that rationale, and have continued to raise my son how I saw fit. However, tonight, with her telling me my son has behavior issues and telling me how to raise him, I just lost my cool. What are your opinions? What would you do if you were in my position?

My husband has ADHD. We have a 4 year old son. Chances are, he will probably follow in his fathers footsteps and also have some variation of the disorder. In knowing this, we have already talked to his pediatrician about it because of some of the behaviors that he is already exhibiting. His pediatrician has said that she isn't comfortable testing him for ADD or ADHD until he is at least 5. He just turned 4. For the past couple weeks, we have had our son's cousins at our house. Brandon is acting out a lot more because of this. He is hitting, pinching, and pushing. He is a lot stronger than he realizes because he is 4 feet tall and weighs 50 lbs. So I personally think that some of his "bullying" is just because of his height difference between him and average sized children. Tonight, when my mother in law got home (we live with them), she decided to tell us that our son has behavior issues and that we need to do some research on how to deal with a child with development/behavior issues. She has basically diagnosed Brandon as having ADD/ADHD and told us that we are basically doing a disservice to Brandon by not having him treated or by keeping his day structured. Brandon starts Pre-K September 6th and will be attending from 8:20-1:45 every day of the week. I think that is quite a bit of structure already. He is our only child and he spends the days with me. I am a SAHM during the week and work outside the home on the weekends. Through the week, Brandon and I go to the library to get him around other kids at least once a week. She told us that when we discipline Brandon that you are SUPPOSED to give them one minute per year they are old (which is what we already did). According to her, with Brandon exhibiting the behavior, that we should not be doing that with him, but should only give him 1 minute because with him having ADD/ADHD (according to her), he simply can not remember why he is in trouble and that we are setting him up to fail if we give him any longer than that. Am I wrong for having gotten so angry with her about her "opinions" or are there valid points in there that I am just too sensitive to see. If that's the case, that's fine. I just don't like being talked to the way I was about my child. I have always known that whatever her "opinion" was was law according to her. I have never agreed with that rationale, and have continued to raise my son how I saw fit. However, tonight, with her telling me my son has behavior issues and telling me how to raise him, I just lost my cool. What are your opinions? What would you do if you were in my position?

I totally understand how you feel coz I had a few similar conversation with my mother in law.I think its so offending when they try to comment or complain about our kids behaviour.I am a SAHM with 2 boys ages 2 and 3.I usually take them to the library and to the mall at least 3 times a week coz if not they tend to be so violent and hyper.in addition to that they deal with a lot of kids and learn how to share and so on.when kids stay at home a lot,I believe they get so frustrated and they try to get their energy out but it gets out in a negative way.try to join him in a sports camp or swimming camp till he starts school and I think school will do the job.regarding his violent behaviour with people at your house,my older son did exactly the same when my in laws were visiting from overseas last fall.they stayed for 4 months,the first 2 months he was perfect but then he just turned into a monster and nothing could ever stop him.I couldnt even let him eat anything for the entire day,he just drank milk and water.his behaviour was out of control and he used to do anything that would drive me crazy and I couldnt even keep him in time out.finally,i think you should invest in more research regarding ADHD and try to test your son for that.this would definitely define how ull be treating him in the future.As for your mother in law,try to stay cool with her as I think shell be of great help since she has already witnessed a case of ADHD before,so I think she has experience.try to learn from her and implement what u learn your own way

I totally understand how you feel coz I had a few similar conversation with my mother in law.I think its so offending when they try to comment or complain about our kids behaviour.I am a SAHM with 2 boys ages 2 and 3.I usually take them to the library and to the mall at least 3 times a week coz if not they tend to be so violent and hyper.in addition to that they deal with a lot of kids and learn how to share and so on.when kids stay at home a lot,I believe they get so frustrated and they try to get their energy out but it gets out in a negative way.try to join him in a sports camp or swimming camp till he starts school and I think school will do the job.regarding his violent behaviour with people at your house,my older son did exactly the same when my in laws were visiting from overseas last fall.they stayed for 4 months,the first 2 months he was perfect but then he just turned into a monster and nothing could ever stop him.I couldnt even let him eat anything for the entire day,he just drank milk and water.his behaviour was out of control and he used to do anything that would drive me crazy and I couldnt even keep him in time out.finally,i think you should invest in more research regarding ADHD and try to test your son for that.this would definitely define how ull be treating him in the future.As for your mother in law,try to stay cool with her as I think shell be of great help since she has already witnessed a case of ADHD before,so I think she has experience.try to learn from her and implement what u learn your own way

Your MIL is out of line and your husband should tell her so. She has no right to tell you how to raise your child. Your feelings are completely justified-- I would be soooo pissed that I probably would have said something I would regret.

With the being said, it seems like you think he may actually have ADHD. If that's the case and you don't like what your doc said have you thought about taking him to a specialist? Perhaps a developmental pediatrician? It's hard when they are young, because you have to expect some of that type of behavior. Particurly if the child doesn't go to daycare. I think school in September will be a really great way for your son to grow and learn and you should talk to the teacher about your concerns so he/she may be able to monitor him to see how his behavior is.

If you trust your doc, I would wait. See how school goes. The MIL issue is much bigger than just this, I am sure. Somethings will never change.

Good luck!

Your MIL is out of line and your husband should tell her so. She has no right to tell you how to raise your child. Your feelings are completely justified-- I would be soooo pissed that I probably would have said something I would regret.

With the being said, it seems like you think he may actually have ADHD. If that's the case and you don't like what your doc said have you thought about taking him to a specialist? Perhaps a developmental pediatrician? It's hard when they are young, because you have to expect some of that type of behavior. Particurly if the child doesn't go to daycare. I think school in September will be a really great way for your son to grow and learn and you should talk to the teacher about your concerns so he/she may be able to monitor him to see how his behavior is.

If you trust your doc, I would wait. See how school goes. The MIL issue is much bigger than just this, I am sure. Somethings will never change.

I agree you MIL is out of order. Most Dr. will not diagnose till 5 and now even later 6 yrs old to get a valid look even if it is genetic. And most good Drs. will not medicate that early either if that is a route you are looking at, School does wonders for kids and you should wait till then to really get a handle on it. Don't let her make you second guess your self or your parenting. If you are that worried there is dev/beh testing you can get your pedi to refer you out to but all in all it sounds like toddlerhood to me.

I agree you MIL is out of order. Most Dr. will not diagnose till 5 and now even later 6 yrs old to get a valid look even if it is genetic. And most good Drs. will not medicate that early either if that is a route you are looking at, School does wonders for kids and you should wait till then to really get a handle on it. Don't let her make you second guess your self or your parenting. If you are that worried there is dev/beh testing you can get your pedi to refer you out to but all in all it sounds like toddlerhood to me.

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