Ay me hearties - and they's forgot to apply for a 'Blowing the shite Out of another persons Ship' licence - later in history to become a gun licence. But the quick thinking Captain hadn't been sailing the Spanish Main all those years for nothing. He sent his crew ashore to gather the biggest coconuts they could find. His plan was cunning, they would pelt the enemy ship with nuts, if anyone complained he would explain that were making a wholesale delivery from 'Tesco Online' and the bananas were next.

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

...but by then it was mornin' and the Captain had given up with the lads. He flashed at the lads to return to the ship. He then tried a mirror and sunlight, for being nude attracted much unwanted attention.

Yarrr, stuff it lads, lets just shoot the powder kegs with our cannons. "Powder kegs at 200 yards" screamed Hossenfeffer to the Cannoneers (not Canoneers). And they did send forth a great volley of cannon balls which...

...straddled the Wedgie, and sent great plumes of water over the bridge, where her capn was adjusting his air of self-rightiousness in a mirror provided for that very purpose. "Cor, strike a light" he exclaimed (for he had worked his way up to his current exalted rank after starting as understudy for Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins, and at moments of stress often reverted to type) ...

The wedgie was blown out of the water - bits of pirate going everywhere - and that fine ship loaded with treasure sank into the turquoise waters of the Carribean.

Over 200 years later a 'Time Team' archaeological expedition is sent out to try and find the location of the wreck and it's legendary treasure. Introduced by Tony Robinson (better known as Baldrick from Black Adder).

Tony Robinson's piece to camera:
Action:

'We've got just three days to find the wreck and evidence of her pirate treasure - over to Phil in trench 3'..

'Oo Ar I've dropped me trowel!'

The smoke wafted gently in the breeze across the poop deck and all seemed right in the world.

...We'll be needin the first ten minutes staring at sonar scans, pretendin there be little chance of findin her before the winter drizzle sets in, then we'll be needin a lucky last chance observation turnin out to be her, jest before the commercial break.
Arterwards we'll be needin a lot of rent-a-talkin-heads staring at barnacle encrusted blobs of metal, and sayin stuff like "this may be the very fragment which sank the ship, or it may be an early medieval basketball, we can'ts be sure", finally we'll be needin a machine that goes "ping" to tell us which it be , and provin inconclusive.
But fer now, all that lay in the far future...

..back to the past, or present, or whenever the battle was happening. although his ship was blown out of the water, Brucey still survived, being (as Cap'n Hossenfeffer would put it), "as F***ing cheerful as ever"

hossenfeffer did mull about on the subject of destroying Brucey, and finally decided to...

daftbeaker wrote:But if I stop bugging you I'll have to go back to arguing with Qwerty about whether beauty is truth and precisely what we both mean by 'purple'

Any statistical increase in the usage of the emoticon since becoming Admin should not be considered significant, meaningful, or otherwise cause for worry.

...snapped back into Christianity and refused to eat meat. For they vowed revenge and not conversion to a more sensible religion.

However, Hossenfeffer in his drunken stupour had decided to leave Kingston for a bit R&R ie. more drinkin' and wenchin' at the next port of call - Port au Prince.

For Hossenfeffer had many find memories of his time in the Haitian Port. For he did like them Frenchies love of food and wine. And it sure beat the cookin' of Tom 'Fishguts' Farrell - who was once left stranded by the French.

And Hossenfeffer did think back to the first time he picked up Fishguts on a sandy desert island...