Why the Good Part?

Because, as most of us come to realize, there are good parts to being single again. We have more agency over the direction of our lives. Many of us have more time to pursue new interests and new relationships.

What’s not ideal is the social options we’re left with when we are newly “re-singled.” We’re no longer going to as many of the couples’ dinner parties we used to. Some of us discover we’ve dropped off the lists—those of us who can be honest with ourselves remember that when we were in a couple, we rarely thought to include the stray singleton. And sometimes even when we are included, there is some quality that leaves us feeling a little restless.

The other thing is, and please don’t take this the wrong way, married friends, but we’ve got stories! We’ve had adventures, okay, challenges, that tested us right down to our stiffening ankles, and this somehow makes for a more riveting and visceral narrative. I’m not going to say we feel “more alive.” But we’re less likely to be putting on a front, because hell, we have already been walking naked in the public square since our marriage fell apart or our spouse died.

There’s something about our experience–whether it’s divorce or widowhood—that has dragged us closer to the edge than we ever wanted to go. But as it turns out, that also makes some of us more interesting, less judgemental, more curious and open to wonder. I’m ten times the dinner partner I was when I was the demure married wife. It’s like, I’ve basically come back from an Everest Trek. Don’t get me wrong. I’m interested in you. More interested, in fact than I would have been as a married person. And if we hit it off, either as friends or romantic possibilities, I’ve got room in my life to pursue our connection.

I’m looking to build a new social network, a new community, not one based only on the friends I made in grade school, or my kid’s friends’ parents, but on who I am and what I’m doing now.

I think you might want to get to know me, and I am full of anticipation about getting to know you.