NO LONGER ENCUMBERED BY ANY SENSE OF FAIR PLAY, EX-JOURNALISTS RETURN TO ACTIVE DUTY TO FIGHT THE TRUMPIAN MENACE!

A New Hope

Editor’s note: Shinbone Star staffers have been working so hard that we felt we needed a doctor. So we added one! Not only can she bandage our wounds, but she can write a bit, too!

Yes, I stole that title from Star Wars, but that’s what I need right now, a new hope and Star Wars.

I don’t have to remind you that it’s been almost a month since President Trump took office. I don’t have to point out that it feels like an eternity. You already feel the head-spinning reality, we’ve got four years of this nonsense. The Tweeter in Chief will never grow up, never become a champion for the common man, never do anything, promote anything that doesn’t first serve his own personal agenda. I am a firm believer in never saying never, which makes me realize that only four weeks in, I am starting to lose hope.

I don’t have to list all of the nauseating details that have led me to this point (Sessions, DeVos, Muslim ban, crowd sizes, border walls, Nordstrom, Mexico, Australia, RUSSIA!!). Trump speaks his mind! Yes, he does, and he should stop and consider before he speaks or tweets, like a sane person would.

Which brings me to Star Wars and the only way I’m going to get through this madness. All hope was lost, the Resistance did look futile, but the heroes persevered and in the end, good overcame evil. Good wins in the end despite all odds. It does, and Star Wars proves it, so I will cling to that.

I will imagine Elizabeth Warren as Princess Leia, Cory Booker as Luke Skywalker, Chuck Schumer as Han Solo, and Bernie Sanders as Yoda. My heroes fighting tirelessly and romantically against the tyrannical evil powers of the dark side. To keep with the theme of the Shinbone Star, think of Star Wars as a modern version of an old western, simply replace horses with spaceships, old saloons with the Mos Eisley Cantina, pistols and knives with laser guns and lightsabers. See? It fits the theme.

Of course, all good stories need a bad guy. There has to be a great evil to be overcome. That’s what makes a story so good. You couldn’t write a story better than the one we are living. Our story has two bad guys (definitely more than that, but let’s make this simple), Donald Trump as Darth Vader, henceforth known as Darth Cheeto, and Steve Bannon as Emperor Palpatine. Darth Cheeto is bad, but that Emperor dude, he’s the real evil villain behind the scenes, directing the madness that ensues. Like a puppeteer pulling the strings, he makes Darth Cheeto dance.

(As an aside, I just want to add that it makes me endlessly happy to imagine Mitch McConnell as Jabba the Hutt!)

In spite of all the setbacks, in spite of the imbalance of power favoring the dark side, in spite of loss, despair, inequality, injustice, in spite of all hope being lost, good will overcome evil. We must all cling to that. Keep fighting for good. Be one with the force. Know that you are on the side of good when you rise up against hatred, oppression, and inequality. Know that you are on the side of good when you stand up for the planet, for our children’s futures, and for the health and well-being of us all. Let us not tire in our pursuit to resist the dark side.