Chris Brown

* Dumb person suing the NFL over its entirely correct (though the rule is pretty stupid) no-catch call in the Cowboys/Packers game. For $88 billion. Oh, because Dez is number 88. I get it. To read the whole hand-written complaint, head to the next page…. [Sports Illustrated]

* The feds charge a bumbling Russian bank employee with trying to spy on America. Viewed in light of the details of the Anna Chapman ring, I think maybe Russia should just give up trying to spy. [Huffington Post]

* College suspends a student for selling video of a campus brawl. School says the sale was a code of conduct violation… though it can’t explain how. [Chronicle of Higher Education]

* The government’s brief in King v. Burwell tries desperately to show that conservatives themselves understood the plain meaning of the Affordable Care Act and anticipated states opting out of creating exchanges. Thankfully, the conservative justices obliged by writing exactly that in their NFIB v. Sebelius dissent. Between this and the marriage equality cases, Justice Scalia is just getting torched by his own dissents. [Talking Points Memo]

Litigation finance is a funding tool many companies are considering to help cover the fees and expenses related to major legal claims. We at Lake Whillans Litigation Finance have compiled a list of questions to help you determine if your client is a candidate for litigation finance.

* Chris Brown might buy his lawyer Mark Geragos a Lamborghini. Brown is quite an automotive expert. The upswinging doors make it sooo much easier to throw a girlfriend out of. [TMZ]

* Politics is all about figurative whoring, but a county board has dumped its lawyer for soliciting a crack whore. Actually, maybe politics is literal whoring. [Badger Pundit]

* Gourmand’s Grater, the kitchen product created by a former lawyer we mentioned a couple weeks ago, has opened its crowdfunding campaign. [Indie GoGo]

* Finnegan is ditching its Belgium office and moving to London. How can a firm turn its back on a city classy enough to have a urinating child as a symbol? [The Lawyer]

*Access online today’s nude dancing decision of the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Eighth Circuit. And you’re interested because this is the audience that went crazy for a post about a Playmate from 1994. [How Appealing]

* Did you fall for the new U.S. News rankings? Silly readers. Paul Campos breaks down exactly how Rutgers-Newark gamed the system. [Lawyers, Guns & Money]

* In a New York state case, “[a] calendar call in the courthouse would require the clerk to shout out ‘JesusIsLord ChristIsKing’ or ‘Rejoice ChristIsKing.’” See, now THAT is a name that’s sacrilegious — not having a baby named Messiah. [NY Times]

* Yet another reason students should steer clear of law school: most of them have no critical thinking or argumentation skills. [Huffington Post]

* We’ve mentioned NYU Law grad and former S.D.N.Y. clerk Eli Northrup and his band Pants Velour before. Now they have a new jingle for Dial 7 car service. Check it out after the jump….

* On a more serious note, this is obviously a really big day for gay marriage at the Supreme Court. Will the justices settle the score, or leave this movement’s supporters high and dry? [Wall Street Journal]

* Big Tech has always been a proponent of gay rights, and some of the most respected brands in America are hoping same-sex marriage doesn’t get the blue screen of death from SCOTUS. [Politico]

* Everyone else loses, but Scalia always wins. He couldn’t have asked for more after Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act was struck down. So long, “racial entitlements.” [L.A. Now / Los Angeles Times]

* “No, we’re not going to do layoffs. We’d never do layoffs. Everything is just fine. Seriously, we won’t do stealth layoffs either. Promise! Believe us, pretty please,” said the managing partner of every peer Biglaw firm after the Weil winnowing. [Am Law Daily]

* Law schools are freaking out about a new American Bar Association proposal to tighten their bar passage requirements, and they’re blaming all of their alarm on diversity issues. [National Law Journal]

* This state senator wins the award for most unique filibuster attempt ever. To block new abortion regulations in Texas, Sen. Wendy Davis spoke endlessly for 11 hours straight. You go girl! [CNN]

* Pop star Chris Brown was charged in a hit-and-run, and surprisingly, Rihanna had nothing to do with it. The new charges may affect his probation, and he might even go to jail. [Arts Beat / New York Times]

* Breaking news, Aaron Hernandez was just taken into custody at his home. Discuss. [USA Today]

* Welcome to the right side of history, former anti-gay marriage guy. [New York Times]

* Protecting free speech has to be more important than stopping hate speech. [National Post vai Overlawyered]

* Netflix is subject to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Seems unfair to me, people are already disabled, I don’t see why you have to make them deal with Netflix too. [Boston Globe]

* This Tony Parker lawsuit following the Chris Brown fight is right out of Eddie Murphy’s Raw where people start suing Eddie for “sprained eyes.” (If you haven’t seen Raw in a while, click the link. So funny.) [Daily Mail]

* This law would make it a crime for a teenager to breakup with his girlfriend via text. That sounds like a great idea. [Volokh Conspiracy]

* See my vest, see my vest, made of lizards I’m smuggled to the U.S. [Legal Juice]

After the jump, you really have to check out Brian Cuban having an aneurism over Lindsay Lohan’s continued freedom…