What to Do When You See Your Friend’s S.O. on Tinder

The bearer of bad news isn't an easy position.

Dating apps are not only used by single people looking for other single people to become un-single. No, the world is much more complicated than that. There are people looking for all sorts of things, like extramarital affairs. Cheating, both physically and emotionally, hurts everyone involved… including the friend who bears the burden of witnessing it.

Tinder (and every other dating app) is pretty straight forward: Users are there to find a date, someone to hook up with or a relationship. So what do you do if you’re trying to find any of the above and, instead, you come across your friend’s significant other?

Take a screenshot. Why? Because that person may have come across your profile, too, and have chosen to erase all signs of their existence on the app. Plus, your friend will probably want proof.

Next, do some digging. Before you bite the bullet and blurt out the encounter to your friend, get as much information on the situation as possible. Perhaps have a conversation with your friend to try and get out any hints that they’ve either broken up or have opted to be in an open relationship.

Then you have two choices: Immediately go to your friend or confront their significant other. Choose the latter only if you have a decent relationship with the person whose profile you found. Begin by telling them what you saw and give them the opportunity to explain. Sure, it will probably be a bunch of bullshit, but maybe they’ll come right out and admit their faults. Inform them that if they do not choose to tell your friend, you will do it for them. Set a timeline for how long they have to cough up the truth.

If they don’t tell your friend, now you have the opportunity to do so. Be mindful that they may be in denial and could even mistake your words for jealousy. Because of this, be tender, but be as honest and straightforward as possible.

Of course, you have the choice to ignore the whole thing for fear of getting caught up in drama. But put yourself in their shoes. Would you want to know?