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Ask the Sexpert: Looking for Options

Welcome to Ask the Sexpert! This blog series focuses on sex, sexuality, and relationships. Read on for BU Sexperts Sophie Godley and Dr. Teri Aronowitz’s honest, truthful answers to students’ scandalous questions.

Dear Sophie:

My partner and I are waiting to have sex. What other ways can we be together?

-OPTIONS

Dear OPTIONS:

What a great question! And congratulations on being in a relationship where you are able to make decisions about your sexuality together. My strongest advice is to KEEP TALKING! If you want to be sexual with one another you are going to need to talk openly and honestly about your limits and your boundaries. It may help to think of your sexuality as a couple as a menu – there are some things on the menu, some things off the menu, and some things may move on or off (like a weekly special). It’s not a contest or a race with one final goal (e.g., vaginal-penile sex). You may find that by talking to each other you are able to develop a deep intimacy that goes beyond sex. One note of caution: Don’t assume that since you’ve agreed not to have sex you won’t be tempted, and you want to be sure you are well prepared with protection in case that does happen. This is like always being sure to bring an umbrella with you to class in case it rains. You aren’t planning on making it rain, but you want to be safe and prepared in case it does.

Sophie Godley is a Clinical Assistant Professor at the Boston University School of Public Health. She has been working in the field of sexual health and adolescent health for over fifteen years. Sophie believes being sexually healthy is part of being a healthy human.

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