Friday, September 28, 2007

The assignment was to discover what I was the god of.All I could think of was Flatulus the God of Wind from Terry Pratchett or Jeff the God of Biscuits from Eddie Izzard.What am I the god of?Unrequited love?I had no idea.I tried seeding my dreams as I was supposed to do.But my dreams trailed off because of the new medication I’m on, I’m sure.

Today I discovered who I am.

I knew we were going to go into our studios when Sally said she brought her computer and speakers.I knew it was for the music that we use in class to help us get there.The music really helps me…gives me something that the noisy part of my brain can hook on to so that the quiet part of my brain can step forward.

Today was amazing.Amazing.I entered my studio after standing at the door for a while.I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to enter because I’d been trying to all week on my own.(This week was terrible though, inside my head it was very dark…but this morning I woke up feeling so much better.)The door was open and I was going to close it, but I left it open just a bit—in case Love showed up again.There was something different in my studio.It was brighter.The air was more crisp and clean.I knew I was supposed to be there.

I went through the maze that always opens straight for me but would confuse anyone who tried to enter.I looked around.My studio is a circle shape.The grass was green and yellow, red, and orange leaves were all around…most still on the trees and some on the ground.I saw my swing-set and it’s two swings.I saw my bathtub on springs bouncing in the gentle breeze.I saw my shed where my tools and costumes are.I noticed that my vices cupboard was gone…but I thought to myself that I am so contented in my studio that my vices don’t mean a thing to me there.

We got the instructions to close our eyes and choose the costume we would be wearing.I closed my eyes and the clothes chose me.We were told to open our eyes and look at ourselves in the mirror.We were to really look.I saw my red wellies again.Red tights, wool skirt, cream-colored sweater, crazy colored scarf, chocolate brown cable knit mittens and a red hat.The only things that matched each other were the boots, tights and hat.Everything else was a mod-podge of color.

We were asked to look at ourselves and discover what we were the gods of.I looked in my mirror and I thought, “What?Am I the god of Red Wellies?”

“No,” said a soft voice, “You are the God of Fall.”

“I am?But I…”Then suddenly it all came into focus.Everything that has ever happened in my studio.The first day I entered from the spring-world outside into my fall-world inside.The freedom I felt there.The color of the sky.My ability to paint the leaves and the clouds with my paintbrush.Even the butterfly net that had too much power for me.Everything fell into place.

“I am the God of Fall?”I said, still doubting.

“Yes.”

“You trust me.”

“Yes.”

The instructions came:What can you do with your powers?

I smiled.Not because I had power, but because I was trusted with it.The Earth had given me power over Fall.I had my paintbrush in my hand but soon realized I didn’t need it.I made the frost appear and disappear.I made leaves turn to bright, brilliant colors and then I felt the wind.

“Let me fly.”And I went up into the air.I could see my studio from above.The maze of shrubs that keep everyone out.The green circle that is the center.The door that opens to let me in and the world of spring on the other side, and the space on all other sides that keeps my studio hidden from the rest of the world.

Our next instructions were:You find a message that you are invited to a party with all the other gods.You will find a door to enter and when you do, join the class as the god you are.

I found a blue door.I turned back to my studio.“Thank you, Earth, for trusting me.I’ll do a good job.” Then I opened the door and opened my eyes.

I stood tall.I felt beautiful.I saw so many other beautiful gods in the room with me.You should have seen their eyes!My friends!You should have seen their eyes!!

Today was amazing.I discovered who I am.Who I have always been.Who I always want to be.I am a beautiful woman of unimagined power.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Kylie told me that if her name wasn't in the first two words of an entry in my blog she doesn't read them. Good thing I put her name first! Actually, I know she read them anyway.

I was talking to Kylie out in the hallway today while we ate our lunch. We were LAUGHING so much that the teacher had to close the door to the only classroom down that hall. I don't remember all that we laughed about because I didn't write it all down, but I have to say that laughing felt SO GOOD!

Yesterday was rough, crappy day. When I told her that this morning she said, "It's because you didn't see me."

"That's true," I said, "Because my happiness is in direct proportion to how much time I spend with you."

"I'm glad one of us can use big words," Kylie said, "'cuz mostly what I heard was, 'my happiness...blah, blah, blah...you. And I figured it just meant that you like me."

We were laughing so hard that Dr. Steckel said we were "out of control" which is ironic because this very afternoon Jeron also said, "you women are out of control". I suppose if I'm going to lose control there isn't any body I'd rather be with that Kylie.

$1.99 for a wooden gorilla on a string. That's what I paid at Good Will here in Moscow. He cracked me up. I couldn't leave him behind.

He's even managed to find himself written into one of my plays. On Tuesday I brought him to class with me. Because I wanted to show him to David who is directing the play. I pulled the gorilla down the hall for a bit. Mostly freaked out Audrey, which is fun to do.

When class was over, David challenged me to drag him across campus. So, I did it. It was fun. As I exited the Shoup (Theater Department) I was greeted by a girl with bright blue hair. She asked me what the gorilla was for and I said, "I can't have dogs in my apartment." I continued on.

Occasionally the gorilla would tip over because of pavement cracks and I'd set him upright. Eventually a couple of people even righted him for me.

As more and more people crossed my path I noticed a trend...either they'd smile ( a guy even said, "Right on!" to me! ) or they'd pretend as if they didn't even see me in the first place. There was a guy in a truck who did a fabulous double take! It was a RIOT!

Another guy started talking to me, asking if it was for a class or something. Then I saw Heather and Sally. Both of them smiled and continued on as if, "Oh, there's Maaike and her gorilla" and it was an everyday sort of thing. It cracked me up.

I was telling Sally's class about it today and MaKaela said that one of her friends saw me and didn't know whether or not she should laugh. She was concerned that I might be "slow".

All I can say at this juncture is a quote from STNG: Those who knew [her] loved [her]. Those who did not know [her] loved [her] from afar.

Last night as I lay trying to sleep, my brain in a new kind of swirl because of the medication I'm on, I started to think about what I really want from love. It's a constant theme in my life. It will never go away.

There were two boys, let's call them Skeeter and Skippy, who followed me around like puppy dogs. They'd do anything I'd say. No matter how ridiculous it was. This is not what I want from love. I do not want a man who jumps when I snap. I am not interested in a follower.

There were two other boys, let's call them Satan and Snidely, who wanted me to follow them. Walk a step behind even. However, I knew they were not superior to me, and they knew that I knew it and were afraid of my power. I am not interested in a tyrant.

There ARE two boys, let's call them Spencer and Stefan, who realize that we are equal. Neither one feels he is superior to me. Neither one feels he is less than me. We feel in balance. Now, unfortunately, neither of these two are in love with me, but they have taught me that what I want from love is someone to walk beside me.

Love, don't walk behind me, waiting for me to lead. I'm tired of being strong.Love, don't walk before me, I will not follow all the paths you want to tread.Love, walk beside me and we'll find a way to bring it all into balance.

Monday, September 24, 2007

As many of you are aware, my birthday is on November 9th. Many of you do not know that I will be 28 this year. Yes. 28. This is not where I planned to be on my 28th birthday, but, this is where I am.

So, this year, what I want, is an honest to goodness boyfriend birthday. You know, a phone call early in the morning, waking me up to a silly rendition of "Happy Birthday". He's planned the day...dinner, flowers, whatever. Just a day that he says, "I know how much you love your birthday so I've planned THIS!"

But the problem is that I don't have an honest to goodness boyfriend. There are 45 days until my birthday, so I thought I'd do some recruiting. Here are the things he MUST have:

Respect for me, Kindness, Gentleness, Intelligence, a Sense of Humor, and a variety of interests and talents.

Here are things he MUST NOT have:

any form of bigotry, a MAN-MAN sense of the world (caveman mentality perhaps), a mustache, and a fear of strong women (i.e. ME). He really shouldn't be a Republican because I've had too many clashes with them. We do not think at all alike.

I don't care about body type. I really don't. He should have dark hair (blonds need not apply) and I prefer with glasses...because I love how sexy men are with glasses on.

Now, don't worry. My birthday will be celebrated nonetheless, boyfriend or no, because I have Daniel--my friend-that's-a-boy--who has agreed to do my birthday for me. And he'll have Kylie's help of course. But, as it stands, you all still have 45 days.

You know when you've been a friend with someone, a really good friend, and you start thinking the same things and knowing the same jokes and all those shared experiences? Well, that's me and my friend Kylie.

For example:

Kylie and I were IMing during a game of literati as we often do. She said, "Weren't you going to come over today?" and I said, "Do you have fingernail polish remover?" and she answered, "Do you have salt on your plate?" to which I said, "HA!"

As an outsider, these things make no sense. But to Kylie and I, they are complete worlds within themselves.

Here's the translation:

"Weren't you going to come over today?" What time are you coming?

"Do you have fingernail polish remover?" I'll come right away! Do I need to pick up some fingernail polish remover or did you manage to purchase some since our last conversation.

"Do you have salt on your plate?" Are you assuming that if I have fingernail polish remover that I will paint your toenails for you?

"HA!" Yes of course, because I know how much you love me.

Does that help. Maybe not. But when I got to Kylie's she pampered me to pieces! She did a hand massage, and she made my hair all poofy with a head massage, and, of course, she did paint my toenails. They're silver, with little stars glued on the big toes.

With a friend like Kylie around, it's always best to just put the salt on your plate and give her a smile!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Envelope Eight arrived today! Only thing in my box this morning so it was like god rays shining down through the clouds. You could almost hear a choir of angels singing the "glory" note. I don't know what that note is. I'm sure I could search it out on my piano...but I don't really care that much!

This envelope is from Daniel M. I LOVE how the envelopes are little glimpses into the lives of my friends! It's perfect, actually. It's a look at the things that this person thinks about. He gave me information about Idaho's Green Party, a pin for his Zine The Juniper, some other zine stuff, and some GREAT stickers!

My favorite thing, though, was this cartoon of a woman helping a man with a cowlick in his hair by leaning over and licking it down. Now THAT'S funny! (I also loved the Bobblehead page with the "hip shaker" in it!)

Thanks, Mouse! You did a GREAT job!

8 of 18...that's a 44.4 (infinity) %. A very good number for my friend Daniel, but not a high percentage as far as returns go. Still, hella fun, though. You should try it with some friends! If you don't have any...send one to me!

Friday, September 21, 2007

One of my favorite lines comes from Beckett's Waiting for Godot. I love this line because it sums up so much of what goes on inside my head when it comes to relationships. It's when Estragon shouts at Vladimir: Don't touch me! Don't question me! Don't speak to me! Stay with me!

Yesterday, in acting class I had a new partner for one exercise. It was my friend David Torres. Sweet as all get out, this kid. Really. What we had to do was stand about five feet apart, facing each other. And the only thing I could say was, "I don't need you." The original exercise is called "help me" and what a beautiful way to say that one needs help than in a contradictory way. That's what we as humans do, right. We "soldier on" when in fact we'd like nothing more than to be rescued. At least I do. Want to be rescued, that is. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be, I've just had years of practice so those who meet me now think I'm strong. If only someone would be brave enough to start knocking down some of these walls. But maybe the walls are too good. Maybe those looking at their stone and cement believe there is nothing they can do.

Anyway, back to the exercise.

I stood there staring at the beautiful face of David and I started to think about that giant empty space inside of me that wants to be filled up with love. You remember, when in my studio I wouldn't let love in...well, that space. I opened up that space. Laid it bare, spread myself and my fears open waiting for the ridicule, and the rejection, and then I looked at David and said, "I don't need you."

He took a step toward me. He closed the gap and I almost started crying (if I could cry, I would have). If only you could have felt the joy that came up in my heart to see him come toward me! He walked up to me and I hugged him. We hugged so tightly for the longest time!

This space I have, the one that wants to be filled, scares people when I open it up to them. I know, I've seen it happen over and over and over. Ive learned to use it as a defense mechanism. "Here, let me show you how much I need you. Oh, you don't want to be needed that much? That's fine, I knew you couldn't handle it in the first place. That's fine, go away. I knew you would." It doesn't make sense, but it's true. Maybe I've done this to you. Maybe you've done it to others.

"I don't need you." I said, but just like Estragon what I really meant was "Stay with me!"

Here I stand, in front of you, maybe less than five feet away. I open my heart to this bare, raw, space. I've taken down the walls so you don't have to. You see it, all of who I am. My fears, my hopes, my frailties, my strengths, my desires, my utter need to be loved. I lay all this out for you too see. What will you do when my voice says, "I don't need you"?

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I sent an envelope to David A. in France so the total is up to 18. I've had 7 returned to me. Here's who's still out: David A. (in France), David D. (Holland), Daniel M., Daniel R. (England), Eric, Amy, Jana, Erin, Monika (Spain), Will, and Mandy. Some I don't think will ever respond. Some might later when they're not busy. But no matter when they reply you can rest assured that you'll find out here!

Monday, September 17, 2007

On Saturday Daniel and I went to the Latah county fair. It was so much like going with my Daddy that I thought about him for a couple of days afterwards. Here's the story:

We went first through the flowers and plants. Then on to veggies and saw a gigantic squash that I'm glad isn't my responsibility. And a huge pumpkin that probably took a couple of people to move in the first place.

Then we went to see the bunnies! I love the bunnies! There was a HUGE bunny that Kylie told me to look for...at first I thought, well she must have been on crack (HA!) because I didn't see a big bunny. But Daniel did! This bunny was HUGE! I took a picture of it, but it didn't turn out because I'm not very good at taking photos. Sorry. There was this chocolate colored bunny that wanted to come home with me. I showed it to Daniel and he agreed, "His nose is really twitching! I think he does want to go home with you." But I had to leave the bunny there to go home with his actual owner.

Next we stopped in at the chickens. (When I told mom this she said, "Of course YOU had to see the chickens!" I grew up with chickens and I was always outside with them. It's amazing I didn't catch some kind of poultry disease!) I couldn't resist saying a classic Gir line from Invader Zim and leaned in to one banny hen and said, "Chicken! hehehehe! I'm gonna eat you!"

Next we went to see the sheep and pigs. There were these sheep with a sign that read, "We love to be scratched, especially under our chins. We don't like to have our horns touched." Daniel and I reached in and started scratching and this brown sheep ran up to Daniel and stuck out her chin! It was so cute! They really do like having their chins scratched. The pigs were loud and stinky.

And the cows were boring and stinky.

But not the goats! There were some pygmy goats--the kind my Daddy always wanted to get--and they were THE BEST! I love these little guys. Daniel said that he wanted to reach in and pick up the baby one...I was right there with him. It was hard to resist.

So we saw what we wanted to and I said "NO" to the $4.00 Elephant Ear even though I really love them. Because I was too cheap.

It was very much like going to the fair with my Daddy. Instead, it was my Daniel. I miss my Daddy very, very much. I told Daniel all kinds of stories about my Dad after the visit to the fair. Thanks for listening, Mouse! :D!

All that's left to say about the Latah county fair is another line by Gir: "*gasp!* It's got chicken legs!!"

Sunday, September 16, 2007

The man who said he was Love was standing on the periphery and I was in my own space. First of all, he got in to my studio because I do want him there--I want Love there. I want to feel Love. I want to feel it until it overwhelms me and drowns me and I'll never come up for air.

anyway, he was standing at the edge because I wouldn't let him come further. I made that choice when I saw the "intruder" in my studio. I thought well, he might have gotten that far but he won't make it in any more.

I ignored him. I ignored Love. To the point that he finally had to speak to me to make me pay attention.

He spoke the truth. Total truth. Every word he said.

And I shouted at him and made him go away.

I want Love. But I'm so afraid of it.

I won't even take friend's love into my heart because I know, I KNOW, that they will move on and not even think about me again. Don't get me wrong, there are certain loves that I trust...My Daddy, My Mom, My family, My Kylie. But there are others that I just can't take in. No, that's not right...that's not True...there are others that I won't take in. Because I'm afraid.

It's sad. But I'm happy that my subconscious mind was willing to talk to my conscious.

Today I'm going back into my studio. I'm going to wait for Love to show up. And I'm going to see what happens when I invite him in.

Friday, September 14, 2007

Kylie is a hoot. You know that? I'm so damn lucky to have her as my friend! Today after my "imagination" class I was zipping up my backpack and realized that there was a zipper pull on a zipper that had previously been naked. I looked at it. It read: I (heart) 2 Cheer. HA! I knew immediately that it was from Kylie. (She used to be a cheerleader and I LOVE to tease her about it. In fact, once we were talking about it and I told her that I prefer to imagine her--instead of being a cheerleader--as spending those years in juvie.)

Kylie, just in case i haven't said it lately: I Love You!

Now, this is totally unrelated in subject...but it was the class I was in when I noticed the zipper pull and it's an important story.

My meditation studio (the one inside my head)...you get to it by opening a door, walking through a maze of shrubs--English garden type maze--and into an open space with a swingset, a bathtub on springs, a shed and a cabinet. It's cool, but never cold. It's fall there--since fall is my favorite season. I was wearing a wool cap, gloves, scarf and sweater, a tweed skirt with red tights and some red wellies. I wish I had red wellies. Maybe I'll buy me some. Anyway, our first task was to find our tool. I got my fanbrush out from under the bathtub where I'd hidden it and discovered through the use of it that I could paint fall. It was BEAUTIFUL. I could paint the leaves, and the branches. I could paint me and I could make little snowflakes fall. I even painted the clouds.

Next we had to find a different tool. I found a butterfly net, but I knew something was wrong with it. It was too powerful. I tapped it on the ground and out came this power that changed the sky. It was AMAZING how the sky looked and I stood in awe staring at it for the longest time. The instructions were to use this new tool for more and more intense purposes. Instead I stared at it, frozen by its power and my "unworthiness" to use it.

Suddenly I realized I was not alone in my studio. There was a man watching me. I don't know how he got in...no one is supposed to get into my studio unless I invite them. He was in total shadow so he appeared only as a silhouette. This little dog ran up to me and I decided to ignore the man. But he stood there, watching me. Finally the power of the tool I had frightened me too much and I had to break it over my knee. It shattered into dust and was completely gone.

The next step was that we were to find a third tool, one that would come to us in a surprising way. I found a little rubber snake under a pile of fall leaves. It didn't feel like my tool, but I picked it up and wondered what it was for. How was I supposed to use this? Then the little dog took it from me and ran to where the man was standing.

"You're just pretending." He said to me. "This is not you."

"This is me." I insisted.

"You're not happy." He said.

"Yes, I am."

"No. There's something you want," he said. "You want Love."

"I know!" I shouted and then realized that the tool I was searching for was my own voice. My voice allowing me to say the things that I hide deep inside under my "I have to do this all by myself" ness.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"I am Love." He said.

"Then LOVE!" the sound came out of me, from my toes, from my deepest spaces! I screamed! It was a primal scream that lasted from my first breath until my last. I screamed and screamed and screamed! The dog barked and the man...when I opened my eyes...was gone.

I don't know what this means about me. If you have any insight, whatever you think, I'd like to hear it. I don't know what this means. I'm terribly curious.

Sally and Jamie's class is amazing. I hope all of you get the chance to take it. The things I'm learning about me...even though they don't always make sense...are incredible.

Thursday started with an exciting round of "Big Booty" in acting class. I'd never played it before but it was a RIOT and I still have the song echoing in my brain. I sucked at the game and lost very quickly every time, but I still had a blast.

Then it was design meeting where my design for the bed was well received. ole!

Then class...where I not only forgot to print out the script, but also sent Carlos the wrong version. Oy vey! It was not what one could classify as successful. The class lasted about a half hour longer than usual, but I eventually made it home!

I got to work on various things, random homework, random cleaning, random music and tv. All things moving toward the fact that I knew Chris and his friend would be showing up eventually.

Jeff stopped by. He'd been looking for his car, he couldn't remember where he parked it he just knew it was downtown somewhere. Remember, this is the guy that lost a pair of shoes he was currently wearing.

The phone rang. It was the sisters. Gave them a ride across town. Went back home. Waited.

Finally Chris and Curtis came. OLE! It was A BLAST to have some other 30-somethings around to talk politics and life with. AND Chris says that he'd like to produce a film for me. SO, I've got to start working on that!

We went to San Miguel's for Mexican and chatted. And then they slept in the yard of the Success By Six building. In the middle of downtown Moscow. Chris said the best part of it was the girl that almost stepped on them, said, "oh, excuse me" and just walked around them like it was totally normal that they'd be sleeping in the yard.

My favorite part of the entire thing however, was when at 2:30 am when Chris came in to use the facilities, it suddenly dawned on me that I'd completely forgotten to call Emily. What a dork I am. It took the fist few hours of sleep to erase everything enough for my brain to remember that I was supposed to call her.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

On Sunday I dressed to the nines! I wore girly clothes and did my hair and make up paying special attention to all parts. I was gorgeous! But the feeling didn't last long. I got to church and was paid some nice compliments by other women.

Now, many of you know my issues with trusting the motives of other women, so other than Alrene Miller I had a hard time believing any of their words. No men said I looked pretty. Not even my closest friends.

I just doesn't work out for me to try to be more than I am.

Wait...there's more...

On Tuesday I dressed up again... more in line with the "real" me. I wore black leggings, a black, red and white skirt, my "Juniper" t-shirt from Daniel's zine and of course, my black Rocket Dog shoes. I felt beautiful again...but because I was me and not trying to be beautiful. Some people said I looked "cute" that's an easier compliment to take.

Anyway, in acting class, it was Delaney's turn to be blindfolded. The instructions were given, "How can you get to know your partner without using touch?" and the most amazing thing happened. I sat on the floor with my feet extended and crossed in front of me and my hands behind me to give me balance...and Delaney began moving around me... he smelled my hair. He leaned his ear near my chest to hear my heart beat and my lungs breathe. He moved all around me not touching me, but caressing me with his breath as he moved so close. So close. I knew I smelled like peaches because it was my first class of the day and my perfume hadn't had time to wear off.

Here's me sitting, wanting with all my heart to be loved. And there's Delaney who has his wife and his son. I thought for a moment to myself--this is the most beautiful I have ever felt.

Delaney was blindfolded. My beauty as the world sees it was not what was in focus that moment in class. It was ME. It was a connection on a level that involved all of the senses.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Okay...so again I had some milk that if it didn't get used it was going to have to down the drain. Last time this happened I asked Kylie if I could make instant mashed potatoes and put them in the freezer. This time I decided to just start cooking things that I knew could go in the freezer.

I went through the cupboard and pulled out whatever needed cooked with milk. Um...my cupboard. Right. So...mac n' cheese, some other pasta, and a cake.

I started cooking. I made a huge mess. I think I made something that I could maybe eat if I put enough pepper on it. Anyway, I've discovered again that I really should not cook.

I burnt the alfredo sauce. Then poured it on the mac n' cheese instead of the right noodles. So I didn't have enough alfredo so I had to add other things. Like a solid block of frozen peas.

The cake is fine.

If the saying "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach" then I am eternally screwed.

Many of you know that I should not cook. One of the people who knows this is Kylie. That's why she cooks for me. Today she made me some soup. And some cookies. That I may or may not share. It depends. On my mood.

On Friday she made me lunch and brought it up to the language lab so we could eat lunch together. She said, "You have to meet Joyce." I was confused but I followed her anyway. At that point I realized that what she had actually said was "You have to make a choice." I chose spaghetti. Then she asked, "Did you bring a fork?" and I said that I hadn't. She warmed it up in the microwave, brought it to me, gave me a nice piece of bread and handed me a fork.

It was delicious. We sat there talking while the microwave was cooking Kylie's lunch. We chatted about this and that. Louis Perraud walked past and laughed at us...he calls us the "coffee clutch" as we sit there during the week to eat our lunches.

Kylie got her lunch from the microwave and started eating some bread. More talking. More laughing. Then I got to the part where I was just using the bread to eat the last of my spaghetti when Kylie asked, "Are you done with the fork?" I said that I was and she said, "So I can use it now?"

It was at that moment when I realized that Kylie had not been eating her pasta because she was waiting for the one and only fork! She'd asked me to bring one and I'd spaced it so she let me eat lunch first because there was only ONE FORK!

I laughed and handed the fork to Kylie and she ate her lunch.

My friend Kylie is the BEST. I love her SO MUCH...and apparently, she loves me too.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

I wasn’t going to write about receiving a second envelope from someone…but I just have to.Kylie and Sally have both filled a second envelope and sent it on to me.I love these women!They so totally kick ass!

Also, my friend David A., a loyal blog reader, has asked where HIS envelope is.So, I’m sending out one to him.That will bring the total to 18 envelopes.That means as far as returns go I’m not even at the 50% mark.BUT as far as the contents of the envelopes go…I’m QUEEN OF THE POST OFFICE!Or, as one of the postal workers calls me, “Lady 8891.”

I must admit, saving little things here and there, thinking of putting them into an envelope, and sending them to one of my friends fills me with a childlike glee.

Normally when I go to bed, I take off my bra. Really, as all women know it's just more comfortable that way. But last night due to the sinus cold I'm struggling with, I simply went to bed. Clothes and all.

This morning when I was getting undressed from yesterday's clothes a piece of paper came flying out and landed in my bathroom sink. "What the...?" I thought to myself and then remembered, "oh yeah! My piece of rainbow!"

Here's the story...

In acting class we got to draw and write with crayons. We shared with our partner and then passed them around the room. Afterwards we honored the class by sharing the crayon creations. Kate, in her honoring, ripped little pieces of the drawing of a rainbow from the whole and gave us each a piece. In my total absence of pockets I put it in my bra. As I placed it here above my heart I thought of my Mom who was that day having a pace maker put in. My rainbow was resting in the spot where her pace maker would be. It brought me some comfort and I thought of her and waited all day to hear from my family as to how her surgery had gone.

My sister, Chris, called me at 3:30 to let me know that Mom's surgery had gone well but that they weren't going to let her go home until the next day. I said something to Chris and she said something out loud and I hear Mom in the background say, "oh, you guys!" I knew she was all right.

With that worry out of my mind, I forgot completely about the rainbow in my bra.