Friend tells me she is diverting

I have a friend who was married to a physically/mentally abusive man for 9 years. She needed to get out of the relationship, so when her H.S sweetheart came back into her life and told her he would take her from this life of hell that she was living, she thought she was finally saved. She ended divorcing the lunatic and married her H.S love.

She was excited to start her new life and put the past in the past. She had enrolled in a LPN program and couldn't wait to start her new career.One evening her present husband started to drop subtle hints about"how easy is to get access to oxycontin/oxycodone?" She told him that it was very difficult. He kept persisting. One night he was going thru withdrawals and confessed to her he was a addict begged her to get some pills . He was very sly on also mentioning to her " remember what I did for you, and who was there for you when you needed it the most". She gave in. Then he asked again and again. Until he was asking her to get 20-25 pills per week. She reached her breaking point and told him he needed to go to rehab. He refused to do what she had asked and she felt what she had been doing was so wrong. She felt ashamed to be a nurse, depressed, no self worth, no self esteem.

She left him 3 times and each time went back to him. I did not understand why?? Until she told me this story I'm describing now. He came to visit her the first time she left and showed her several medication slips he had saved with pts names on them and said to her " you have 24 hrs to gather your things and come back home or I'll destroy you!

Presently she lives in her own apt, but he continues to control every aspect of her life. He has also extended the court date for their divorce and will eventually comply as long as she comes thru with pills.( I don't think he will ever sign) He needs to know everything that she is doing at all times and the main reason is for the pills. She recently was told at work she will be filling in for a new position, where she will off the med cart and his answer to her about this " that's not gonna work, you need to find a way to come thru, figure it out or you know what is going to happen to you!"

What would you do if you were in this situation?? What options if any??
To me, he is a predator, who preyed on a severely damaged woman coming from a abusive first marriage and knew he could manipulate her

There are no good alternatives. Unless she is willing to be "owned" by this punk for the rest of her life she needs to turn him in to the authorities. This is going to end badly sooner or later, it may as well be on her own terms. Hopefully they will go more lightly on her if she turns witness for the prosecution.

Aug 19, '13

If you work with her you need to report it.

Aug 19, '13

If I were her, I'd turn myself in along with my license & wash my hands clean of him. I'd rather go thru whatever I had to do than deal with a manipulative piece of trash. I don't feel sorry for him as he is underhandedly been manipulating this woman from day 1 & she was so low to deal with it. He's playing her cause he can.

Aug 19, '13

several medication slips he had saved with pts names on them

I guess I am sort of confused as to what she is doing to divert medications and why he has copies of the slips. 20-25 pills a week is a lot and someone is bound to notice the pills are missing.
The best solution is she needs to get lawyer that is familiar with the BON and self report. It also wouldn't hurt to consider a support group or therapy.
Somethings to consider.
1.By giving him the medication, someone that needs it is not getting their pain meds.
2.He could OD and there will be an investigation and they will figure out where he has been getting the oxycontin.
3.She is basically owned by this guy until she self reports
4.The facility could do an audit and she could eventually get caught anyways.

Aug 19, '13

Ummm how is it possible that she hasn't been caught yet? A very behind on the times facility I suppose . Odd.

Aug 19, '13

What a horrible situation. The only right thing to do is to turn her self in. She has to own up to her part in this situation and then take the consequences and move on with her life.

Aug 19, '13

She needs to try to take the long view. Sure, she's screwed in the short term, but she may be able to throw herself on the mercy of the board and the court so the short term pain could be lessened. Every week she waits, though, makes it worse. She only has one life and it's time to take charge of what she can of it.

Aug 19, '13

Stating the obvious, your friend has a long history of making poor decisions, and poor life-planning skills. When you stated the only reason she left her prior husband was because someone came along to "rescue" her, my alarm bells pealed madly.

My best to her, but she has made repeated bad decisions that to a person with even a modicum of "adult skill" would have rejected. The first time new hubby asked her to pilfer meds, should have been when she walked out the door for good.

If I were in her position, I would in short order be inclined to:

1.) see a lawyer

2.) visit the police, report extortion and blackmail, and get a restraining order.

3.) begin therapy

At this point she's either got to cut her losses herself, or someone will eventually do it for her. And, that person (or entity) might pursue heavy legal action including prison/jail time for distributing controlled substances. Families of patients could also pursue civil cases against her for withholding pain medications from loved ones.

It's better if she goes for a preemptive strike of sorts, and takes the bull by the horns herself. She'll have much more credibility and "sympathy" from those that would otherwise seek to make an example out of her.

Last edit by Guttercat on Aug 19, '13

Aug 19, '13

She needs to take the power away from him by coming clean and confessing.She will have to face the consequences of what she is doing but at least she will get away from him.

She also needs to learn that a woman can survive just fine without a man.

Stating the obvious, your friend has a long history of making poor decisions, and poor life-planning skills. When you stated the only reason she left her prior husband was because someone came along to "rescue" her, my alarm bells pealed madly.

My best to her, but she has made repeated bad decisions that to a person with even a modicum of "adult skill" would have rejected. The first time new hubby asked her to pilfer meds, should have been when she walked out the door for good.

If I were in her position, I would in short order be inclined to:

1.) see a lawyer

2.) visit the police, report extortion and blackmail, and get a restraining order.

3.) begin therapy

At this point she's either got to cut her losses herself, or someone will eventually do it for her. And, that person (or entity) might pursue heavy legal action including prison/jail time for distributing controlled substances. Families of patients could also pursue civil cases against her for withholding pain medications from loved ones.

It's better if she goes for a preemptive strike of sorts, and takes the bull by the horns herself. She'll have much more credibility and "sympathy" from those that would otherwise seek to make an example out of her.

As a DV survivor, I understand how toxic and paralyzing it can be to leave someone; however, this may end badly either way unfortunately.

The best thing your friend can do is turn him in and cooperate, and take control of the situation for the sake of herself, as well as the patients. He has to see the damage she is doing MORE to her patients.