Monday, February 26, 2007

Hello Chums

Since my last post, we’ve had great interviews, including with a New Zealand entrepreneur, Mr Jack Yan. Also Attylah The Hen, Archbishop Cranmer, and comedian Richard Herring among others. Some have compared me to a digital version of David Letterman, none have been able to corroberate this statement though. So please take a seat.

Just a few things that have been on my radar recently.

In the news Britney has gone bald and is suffering a very public breakdown. Not as bad as when your tyres are bald and you break down in a car in the middle of a traffic jam I imagine. Now I’m not comparing Britney to an old banger. I’ve often thought how terrible it would be if my car conked out in rush hour. I guess I would call the rescue service if I was paying for one. But instead I guess I’d have to get out of the car and make a vain attempt to fix it. Open the bonnet, conduct an orchestra with the dipstick, stroke my chin, do a dance routine in the smoke, anything but actually be able to fix the car. How embarrassing would it be if a woman stopped to help me.

I think I know the reason for Britney’s recent madness. I saw a headline ‘Chimpanzees Hunt Using Spears’. It is not known if she has any choice. The monkeys make Britney chase wild boar pigs, and pick bananas. Personally I shop with Macy's, William H. Macy that is, he's quite cheap for a Hollywood star, though he does have expensive tastes.

Half of teachers in Britain have been physically assaulted, and 90% verbally abused, according to a new survey. You’d think that would mean kids are good at physical education and oral communication. The problem is kids are doing the wrong kind of lines. Kids nowadays are really good at answering back, except in maths tests.

Hospital medics could be about to stop using the traditional bedside notes, in favour of hand held PC’s. Hugh Heffner probably keeps bedside notes on nurses.

The British Ministry Of Defense tested people to see if they had real psychic ability. In new information released under the Freedom Of Information Act. They came to the conclusion it wouldn’t be much use in the defense of the nation. I could have told them that. Maybe they should do a new study to see if pigs can fly, walls can talk, or if the Pope is catholic.

Hugh Grant was handcuffed by a female fan at the premiere of his new movie Music & Lyrics, which also stars Drew Barrymore. Grant was freed by firemen and the psycho fan was then arrested. He carried on with the premiere, Drew Barrymore probably advised him to phone home. Thinking about it I wouldn’t mind being cuffed to Angelina Jolie and Shakira, but not in those circumstances. I mean what can you say to some stranger that chains themselves to you apart from “What the f…” I certainly wouldn’t want to be chained to Prince Harry going to Iraq, or a peckish Hannibal Lecter.

Helen Mirren won the best actress Oscar. It's no surprise with all the promotional material I've seen. They must have spent millions promoting the movie, every time I pay for something in the shop, or post a letter. It's in your face. I don't like this agressive marketing, in fact all I can think about is the Queen movie. Forest Whittaker won best actor but you don't see stamps and mugs with his face on do you?

Joe Blogs

Welcome, I'm Mr Joe Blogs. On this site, I'll be taking a comedic look at world events, and interviewing interesting people & bloggers. Carrying on a fine family tradition, that goes back to Grandpa Blogs, as seen in the movie Blogs Of War, directed By Stephen Spielblog. Feel free to email me, or leave a comment :) matt_clarke1981@hotmail.com