If I had a dollar for every time some hapless hubby or clueless kid raised a mother's hackles on Mother's Day by bestowing her with a Dutch oven or new vacuum, I'd be a rich man.

You want to give Mom a vacuum? It had better be bolted onto the front end of a tractor, and she had better own a driving range. If not, you'd better think of something else.

Now, jewelry is pretty and sparkly and all, but you can't draw a golf ball 160 yards into a tucked pin with a pair of diamond stud earrings.

So for golfing moms - the coolest moms on the planet - we've hand-picked some primo swag for this Mother's Day.

On the courseLong gone are the days of the unfashionable golfer. Today's track is a forum for young and old, men and women alike to display their style and taste.

If Barbie were a golfer, she'd own a Keri Golf bag. Keri (www.kerigolf.com/) offers stand bags ($295) and cart bags ($375) in the hottest colors with the most eye-catching designs, plus matching handbags and junior bags. What would be cuter than Mom and daughter hitting the links together with matching bags?

Ogio (www.ogio.com/) specializes in golf bags that look like they should be carried by X-Gamers, but its new Diva stand bag ($150) and Shadow cart bag ($170) are designed especially for women - tough and pretty in pink, grape and green.

Shoes are just as important on the course as off. Ecco (www.eccousa.com/) has a collection of women's golf shoes in 16 different styles ($130-$180). Ecco's hallmarks are Euro-chic designs and colors that cover just about every hue from black to hot pink.

What about the outfit to go with those smokin' shoes? Lija by Linda Hipp (www.lijastyle.com/) is without a doubt the most fashion-forward line of women's golf clothing ($30-$220). Whether you're looking for something from the spring or fall collection, you'll find bright colors, fitted tailoring and materials of the highest quality.

Women's golf clubs usually bear the imprimatur of women golfers (Patty Berg, Nancy Lopez), but the new Comprí line of women's clubs by Nicklaus Golf (www.nicklausgolf.com/) carry none other than Jack's name.

The set ($500), consisting of three irons, three hybrids and three woods (including driver), is designed specifically to help mid- to high-handicappers get the ball airborne. Matching putter and bag are sold separately.

With teams using more than 100 unique apparatuses to launch globular projectiles a half-mile or more, the 27th annual World Championship Punkin Chunkin event is our pick as November’s Weird Festival of the Month.

Off-course funSome days it rains. Some days it gets dark (well, every day, but that makes it no less irritating for golf addicts). So even if Mom is golf-obsessed, she might appreciate some nice off-course diversion.

One sure-fire winner is a golf getaway, and the best kind are those paired with another favorite activity. Is Mom an oenophile? If so, a wine-and-golf package like those offered by several California golf resorts is just the ticket.

For something off the beaten track (read: affordable), try Temecula Creek Inn (www.temeculacreekinn.com/) just northeast of San Diego. The Temecula Valley is the southernmost wine region in the state, and the resort's 27 holes of golf are excellent (the Stonehouse course being the best nine). Wine/golf packages start at $249 per person per night for two. In-room spa services are also available.

How about complete pampering and a hand or two of blackjack? Barona Casino & Resort (www.barona.com/) in Lakeside, Calif., has it all: 310,000 square feet of gaming, the AmBience Day Spa and Barona Creek Golf Club, host of the Nationwide Tour Championship in 2007 and 2010.

At Barona, they are very serious about their gaming, their golf, their food and treating everyone like a high-roller - exactly what Mom deserves.

Finally, maybe a small reminder of just how good she's got it is in order - perhaps in the form of John Feinstein's new book, Tales from Q School ($27), out from Little, Brown just in time for Mother's Day.

Why? It will make Mom truly grateful that her husband and/or children are merely weekend warriors and not serious golfers suffering through the purgatorial travails of Tour Qualifying School.

Oh, and those diamond stud earrings probably wouldn't be a bad idea either. Just to be safe.

Any opinions expressed above are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of the management. The information in this story was accurate at the time of publication. All contact information, directions and prices should be confirmed directly with the golf course or resort before making reservations and/or travel plans.