My DD told me a little tidbit about XWH this afternoon that completely cracked me up. Sounds to me like CommandOwife's got him by the family jewels:

I was ironing a nice dress of DD's today, and she commented that her dad irons the stepsister's clothing. Apparently, the stepsister has some fancy dresses that she wears to visitation with her dad, and it's XWH's job to iron them. When I asked why CommandOwife doesn't iron her own kids' clothes, DD told me that "she's too busy blow drying her hair in the morning."

So, there XWH is, ironing his stepdaughter's clothing in the morning like a housemaid while his wifey administers to her giant pouf of 80s-style hair! I can't begin to tell you how much I love this. He did precious little housework; he sure as heck didn't iron anything other than the occasional shirt for himself.

Gosh, what a horrid wife I was. I should have made him iron clothing and do other chores; maybe he wouldn't have cheated on me if I treated him more like a servant! He must feel so much happier and more fulfilled now that he's "of use."

So, how is your ex "living the life?" Too often on here, we share stories about how these remorseless losers are reaping some sort of benefit-- being paid alimony, taking up with an AP who spoils them, etc. Share your stories of how your ex maybe isn't living that supposedly fantastic life after all. I think we could all use the occasional reality check (and laugh).

FBS; now happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3828 | Registered: Oct 2011

HurtsButImOK♀ 38865Member # 38865

Posted: 6:52 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

I realized recently that my sightings of the x are due to him having moved out to the burbs and catching a train into work.

He supposedly hates the burbs. He loves living in the city. Its why he did so immediately after we separated. Obviously his latest victim has moved him in with her.

I chuckle now to see that he is wearing the clothes I bought him and looking miserable each morning riding the train to work from the suburbs he supposedly hated. Sucks to be him!

Me: Awesome - 35.... ummm, not anymore

"I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel". –Maya Angelou

Posts: 758 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Australia

areyoukidding♀ 30528Member # 30528

Posted: 7:23 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

My XH is "Living the Life" all right.

Within a week of dday, XH moved in with Skankapotamous Rex because he felt depressed and "trapped" with me. He told me that the AP "gets" him, he had never been so compatible with anyone ever and he needed to be with her. "It was meant to be" and "you can't control who you fall in love with". (blah, blah, blah) So he ran away to be with her. Haven't seen him since.

Three years later, this is his life:
- XH has declared bankruptcy
- AP is cheating on XH with her XH
- XH wants to move out but can't afford to so is stuck at the "haven" (what they called their love nest when he left...low income housing in a not-so-nice part of town); who's trapped now!!!!
- AP has 3 kids that live with them and are all uncontrollable teenagers with attitudes
- He now describes the "love of his life" as a real bitch who drinks at least a bottle of wine every day
- His family has disowned him as he has a pattern of screwing up relationships and they don't want to deal with his bullsh*t anymore.
- His long term friends don't want to get involved in his drama so he only has superficial in-the-moment acquaintances
- XH is stalking his half-brother with woe-is-me stories hoping he'll feel sorry for XH and bail him out (he doesn't feel sorry for him and says XH creeps him out)
- He is almost 50 years old, has a long pattern of broken relationships, no money, no assets, no pension or savings, no friends, no family contact, nowhere to live....nothing. He. Has. Nothing.

How's that for living the life?!

BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.

Posts: 740 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada

freeatlast72♀ 42758Member # 42758

Posted: 7:45 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

areyoukidding.....Wow! Talk about karma!

BS:42(me)
Kids: DD7
DDay: 12/31/2013
Married 15 years
DIVORCED!!!

You can't rationalize irrational behavior.

Posts: 137 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: North Carolina

Kajem♀ 36134Member # 36134

Posted: 8:59 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

When he left, I was a controlling biatch!

11 years ago tonight I told him to leave, even arranged for his parents to take him in.

In 11 years, he has lost the respect of all 4 DDs.

DD1 barely talks to him.
DD2 doesn't speak to him at all. He hasn't seen DGD in over a year. He wasn't allowed to see her or DD2 at all, because NW forbade him. He cut off DD2's phone as per NW's edict.
He is not allowed to communicate with his family (parents, sibling, nephew and niece) as NW doesn't like them.
He needs NW's permission to buy DD4 an Ice cream.
He is not allowed to help his kids financially in any way. NW won't allow it.
He is expected to put NW's kids, parents, sibling, nieces and nephews before his own. Not equal but better.

All of this because in NW's own words " you're either on team NW or your against team NW!" He HAS to be on tem NW.

My kids tell him he's being emotionally abused. He says yes, and can't/won't do a thing to change the dynamic.

They filed bankruptcy while making close to 250k. His credit score is in the toilet-he used to be so proud of his score.

It sucks to be him! And he deserves it because he's doing nothing to change it!

It's been interesting to watch my kids reaction to this. They've learned a lot about what they want and will allow in a relationship. All thanks to him!

I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 6475 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida

Chrysalis123♀ 27148Member # 27148

Posted: 9:30 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

I too was a controlling bitch. In his mind not going along with EVERYTHING he wanted qualified me for that. In reality I was a dysfunctional codependent doormat, afraid of my own shadow, and in need of a lot of therapy.

After therapy I emerged from my chrysalis as a new confident woman... OMG in his mind I am now satan's spawn. LOL

He cycled through several woman after the OW and now has his prize.

The control biotch form hell. He is under her rule all the time. All his household stuff was replaced, his wardrobe changed, his time with the kids ruined, his diet changed, and according to the kids they scream at each other constantly.

After we separated he was gaslighting me. Kept telling I was so "negative" because I kept bringing up the past..which was the present because he kept repeating behavior. He gave me a new age book about visualizing my new future through positive thinking.

I threw it away.

My future is now great...btw.

His not so much. I guess he visualized himself his own controlling beotch because he was thinking so much about me???

Regardless, it is pretty damn funny

Why are you going to the hardware store and expecting to buy bread?

Posts: 3218 | Registered: Jan 2010

areyoukidding♀ 30528Member # 30528

Posted: 11:12 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

areyoukidding.....Wow! Talk about karma!

Yep. Karma bit his sorry, lazy ass all right!

I, on the other hand, am doing just fine!

BS (me) : 53 Freshly divorced and so very happy. To infinity and beyond!!

Trying to understand the behaviour of some people is like trying to smell the number 9.

Posts: 740 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Canada

5454real♂ 37455Member # 37455

Posted: 11:27 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2014

20ish years ago, she looked me in the eye and told me she married me for the child support.(Ya know, somebody's gotta pay).

Today, she's finishing out a 10 year probation for embezzlement. Cities don't like it when the clerk decides she's found yet another sack o' money!

His OWifetress accompanies him to work every day and just hangs out because they are soooooo in Lurv that she can't let him out of her sight. (I was too controlling but she is the best thing EVER!!!)
Our adult children barely speak to him if at all because of their attitudes. (They are all home with me this weekend for the IrishLad's Birthday)
He no longer has a relationship with his mother, brother or sister. He no longer speaks to his uncle and his best friend died the day after their wedding after a huge fight between xWH and BF on the phone. (BF refused to go to the wedding because he didn't support xWH ruining his life)
He lives in the house owned by OWifetress and no longer owns his own home (I gave it to him in the D so he could remain living close to IrishLad and cause I am a gold digging, heartless bitch like that )
He no longer buys, fixes up and then sells autos. He used to love doing that on the side for a little extra money and because he is a car buff. I don't believe that OWifetress would support his hobby as it isn't something she is very interested in.
He doesn't ride his Harley or the quads anymore, last I heard the quads were up for sale. He had ridden dirt bikes or quads his whole life.
He is the angriest happy guy on the face of the earth.
Yup, he is living the life

Hello Kitty has two mangy dogs that poop all over the yard. DD said she can't play outside because there's so much dog poop out there. HK told DD that the Gnat is supposed to pick it up, but never does. I see that he's still as passive aggressive as always.

DD is often late for school drop off when spending the night at his house. I asked her once why that is. DD said "Dad has no help with me and my brother. Hello Kitty just sleeps all day long. She wears an eye mask and tells dad we need to be quiet so she can sleep". Sounds peachy, huh. She appears to have no job, but an income. Internet pornstar, maybe?

DD also mentioned once about her brother waking up many times one night. I asked if the Gnat always cared for DS or if HK ever helped him out. DD very sternly said "no, mom. She has no idea how to take care of a baby"!

So much for his glitter and sparkles new family he was creating. He's being bossed around to pick up dog shit and is a single parent while his lurv sleeps the day away. Yes, but I was "controlling" and didn't "support" him.

STBXH has been arrested for trying to meet a minor he met on Craig's List. The charges were dropped, but could be refiled at any time. That's gotta be fun to have hanging over his head. When he was arrested, guess who was the only person he could count on to bail him out before he was sent to county lock-up? The wife who is divorcing him. I have since told him, that I WILL NOT bail him out again.

He went from living in a comfortable house we owned to a teeny tiny one bedroom apartment. Both our credit ratings are trashed because of the foreclosure, but I have a wonderful family that is supporting me. Speaking of family, most of his family is pissed at him and thinks he's an idiot.

STBXH was into casual encounters, so there is no OW to fill the now vacant position of housekeeper/cook/secretary/friend/lover. I doubt he's been celibate since we separated, but I also doubt he's been able to replace our healthy sex-life with on-line ads. So much for cheating because 'he wasn't getting enough sex'.

The ONLY thing he has going for him is the cat. I can't have the cat where I'm living. Lord I miss that cat.

"Better not give in to it. It takes ten times as long to put yourself back together as it does to fall apart.”
― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

As time goes by my XWW is starting to learn that a pretty face does not last forever. That getting older gracefully is not her forte. But my favorite is that she now has had to learn that money does not grow on trees. That her so-called career really wasn't much of an income producer as she thought. When we were M I made about 80% of the income that she so loved to spend. After factoring in expenses her career actually left us in the red. She blew through all of the 6 figure settlement she got from me in record time. Has nothing saved for retirement and now has to put in around 60 hours a week to pay her bills. Mind you she lives rent free in her Dads house, but does pay the bills while there. If it weren't for the decent amount of CS she gets from me she most likely would be one broke assed bitch. The expense of trying to look young must weigh heavily on her budget as she still gets her hair and nails done weekly, overspends on clothing and alike, per my son spends hours each night with all sorts of anti aging creams that must cost plenty. Yeah the real world cost bucks to live in and when you don't have a steady stream of cash any longer because you like to have affairs it can be a tough go at it. I remember during D negotiations she was being a bitch demanding her share and a bit more as well. My 401K was the real asset as I was a saver. She demanded half and I balked because I had opened it 10 years before I M her. I offered her half of two thirds its value as that's when we were M. I distinctly remember her nasty look when she was claiming that "I contributed too" I stood up, looked her right in the eye and said to her "You did not contribute shit. You may be legally entitled to a share of it. But make no mistake about it, your little career cost us money when all was said and done" in the end I think we settled on 42% of the 401K and 63% of the equity in the house which was sizeable. I conceded the house equity in lieu of the 40 or so grand she ran up in CC debt behind my back, which she kept.

She now has blown all of the money she got and lives paycheck to paycheck like most of the population. Still spends irresponsibly, but now has to pay that debt herself. Me on the other hand threw myself into my career after S/D, recouped most of what I gave up to her, bought my home and car for cash and retired at 50. I know that pisses her off to no end as the way she lives she will have to work until she passes away..... Too bad, so sad..... And lets not forget the "Fiance" who is 15 years younger than her and likes to flirt. Same guy who was flirting so much with my GF the last time we all had to be together that the XWW threw a fit during dinner. It was so noticeable that I made the comment to him that I was not some sort of farm team for him to meet women. My GF and I had a good time watching her squirm.

You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 6549 | Registered: Nov 2007

nekorb♀ 40306Member # 40306

Posted: 6:57 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

I too was a controlling bitch. In his mind not going along with EVERYTHING he wanted qualified me for that. In reality I was a dysfunctional codependent doormat, afraid of my own shadow, and in need of a lot of therapy.

Are we twins separated at birth living a paralleled existence?

Stronger08 - FARM TEAM?? OMG

I have no story yet, but have enjoyed reading these stories of the implosion of Unicorn Rainbow Fartland.

Me: BS 44; Him: WH 47 aka CAT- colossal asshat; Married 22 years
D-day: July 17, 2013, with TT to follow
D filed July 16, 2014, 363 days later than I should have
Psalms 27:14
Wait for The Lord; be strong and take heart. Wait for the Lord.

Posts: 2047 | Registered: Aug 2013

nutmegkitty♀ 33882Member # 33882

Posted: 8:25 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

He does all the grocery shopping (never did it ONCE when we were married because he HATES it)

He has 2 yappy dogs (he hates dogs)

He lived in a cramped condo with a garage in the front (he HATES those)

His bride doesn't work, thereby putting all the burden on him.

Heh heh heh heh heh.

me (BS)
him (NPD Ex)
2 dds
DDay 10/7/11
OW
OC

Divorced 1/17/2013

"Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend, freedom is."

Posts: 2700 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: MA

Klove♀ 42096Member # 42096

Posted: 8:45 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

Wow- these made me laugh.
Crossing fingers and toes that this can be something I'm writing in the future.

"But stand still is all I did
Love like ours is never fixed
Still I stuck around
I did behave
I saved you every time
I was a fool for love
I was a fool for love"

Posts: 294 | Registered: Jan 2014

homewrecked2011♀ 34678Member # 34678

Posted: 8:47 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

XWH left us for his gf who had big nice home. It's now been foreclosed on and they live in a leaky mobile home with her mother, her 2 kids, her dog. OW's mother recently backed over OW's daughter's car in their driveway. (true story). Everyone only has liability ins.

OW is cheating on XWH, she got a job at his place of employment and now knows how stupid he really is...She argues with him about everything (according to my children), and just the other night thought she was having a heart attack.
I heard it wasn't (may I say, too bad), she has to see a cardiologist and has very little money saved up due to the huge Christmas they gave all the kids....

She's on adderall, smokes, drinks coffee and cokes all day and looks very different from 3 years ago when she trolled for a man and pulled up a toad -

The good life ? I don't think so!!

On the other hand, I have the good life... very little $$$ but hanging out with my sons every evening is priceless!

me BS 52
him - 46
married 15 years DIVORCED 10 31 12
children - ds15 ds12
d-day 12-19-11
I gave a 24hour ultimatum then went to attorney next day
Divorce filed

Posts: 2729 | Registered: Jan 2012

Williesmom♀ 22870Member # 22870

Posted: 9:10 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

Another controlling bitch here!

He gave me everything out of guilt (tyvm). Mow went back to her BH, so he found a new bar whore (nbw).

NBW doesn't work -she quit her job to support wxh in his endeavor of self employment/personal happiness.

From what I hear, they sit around drinking all day. They're in the process of losing his house, don't have jobs, have creditors looking for them, and a possible warrant for his arrest.

ME? I'm making more money than ever, have 4 dogs that are the bomb, lots of friends, a savings account, and a life that totally kicks ass.

You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 8366 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA

Tripletrouble♀ 39169Member # 39169

Posted: 9:12 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

I have to chime in here not on my ex, but on my dad. He left my mother for the LTA other woman. My mother still lives in the marital home, long paid off, with a pretty little yard in a cute little neighborhood. Dad married the OW. He filed for divorce from her three times, and finally saw it through. Then they remarried. They live in a squalid, tiny apartment and watch tv all day. OW likes to spend. Her favorite store is goodwill, and she has packed that apartment so full of crap you can hardly turn around. The police have been there to break up their fights, and I live in fear they will turn up on an episode of Cops.

40 somethings - me BW after 20 years
D Day April 2013
Divorced November 2013
Time is a great healer but a terrible beautician.

Posts: 764 | Registered: May 2013

kg201♂ 40173Member # 40173

Posted: 9:35 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2014

I enjoyed reading these. No living the life for my STBX yet, that I am aware of. Best I can come up with is that AP was living with his mom, last I heard, when my STBX is with my kids. And apparently he has a closet full of the same suit...makes me wonder what other OCD things STBX has to live with.

Me: BH, 40
Her: Ms. Daisy
Together 18 years, married 15+
LTA 3.5 years, living together
Dday: 7/28/13
Ds17, DS12, DD12
Divorced! 2/24/2015
Apology. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.