Due to foreseen circumstances the diary has been missing since Tuesday. As its main function is to ridicule the mainstream media, fortunately it hasn’t been missed as they have been doing that all by themselves.

As , indeed, have our cousins across the other side of the river of reality.

We’ll come to that in a moment after we briefly round up whats been happening back at the ranch.

Nothing.

Everyones away on their jollies , taking a well earned break from another treble winning season.

They’ve even delayed the announcement of the signing of Oddsone Edouard after an irresponsible website , prone to making things up, announced it long before anyone else got the rumour and announced it.

Speaking of rumours, who is this Jack Wilshere guy ?

And now that Erik Sviatchenko has decided he wants to stay at Midy…whatever they are called…does that mean we can activate the verbal clause in Jamie Caulkers contract ?

Chief Executive Peter Lawwell has recorded a podcast with his PR team over at Celtic Underground. Whilst not quite asking the questions most of us want answers to, it does leave the listener with a warm glow, sort of, that the club is in safe hands-which we knew-and that it is looking ahead and beyond the shores of Scotland.

Which we knew.

On the clubs financial state, he said

‘I don’t think we’ve ever been stronger.

‘At the moment, I’m looking at two or three years out ( of the champions League ) and understanding where we can be and where we want to be.

‘We’ve got resources that will enable us to have a long runway and enable us to look at any things that don’t go to plan.

‘We do plan for the unexpected so I think we’re very robust. We have good resources and we have pretty ambitious

plans in regards to the football team and around Celtic Park.’

By planning for failure… ?

On the improvements to the infrastructure at the ground..

Those are going to take place over the summer, we continue to invest in the stadium to hopefully give our supporters the best matchday experience,’

‘With regard to the master plan we are currently assessing options. The master plan includes a hotel, a museum, a new superstore and a new ticket office.

‘At the moment we are going out to the market, we’ve had expressions of interest. We are looking at what is best for Celtic, the best structure, then looking at financing. Hopefully there will be a positive outcome.

The best matchday experience, of course, is winning games and winning them with entertaining football. Perhaps the new lights will help us see that.

Over and above that, again looking to the future, we are looking at our training facilities at Lennoxtown and Barrowfield, what would fit best for a modern football club developing players?

‘We are always looking to the future, we are always looking to develop, to get better. Clearly it’s a question of resources, do you put money into the first team or into infrastructure projects?

‘I think that to date we’ve got that balance right and we’ll continue to do that.’

I’d agree wholeheartedly that the youngsters coming through are the most exciting and “Celtic ” thing about the club just now.

Here’s something you probably didn’t know..

James Forrest is just eleven appearances away from breaking into the all time top fifty appearances chart.

And just two more trophies away from being in the top ten all time decorated Celts…

He will be 27 in July.

Whilst Scott Brown is rightly lauded as a modern day legend, Forrest, should he stay through what could be his best years, will almost certainly overtake him to become one of the most decorated players in Celtics history.

Oddly enough, Mikael Lustig isn’t far behind him, which perhaps should calm a few of their detractors.

The full list of those with ten or more trophies…for Celtic only… ( from IloveCeltic on TalkCeltic.net )

As we have said before, these are great days, and we should cherish them, and those who have made it so.

to his mate “Muz ” by esteemed journalist Bell Lickie..

The Ibrox men are, I reckon, one more signing away from finally leavingtheir greatest rivals – and, therefore, the rest of us – so far behind themthey will be no more than a dancing dot on the horizon.

Who is that signing? I’d go for Batistuta – though Muz says no – but whoeverthey end up with he will be big time and he will be here soon.

Oh those heady days..anyhoo, Batistuta knows his football, presumably why he never ended up at Ibrox, as he chose to stay legal taxwise, said this week..

“I am now based back in Argentina but I still keep an eye on football in Europe. The best young strikers? I have to say Werner of Leipzig and Dembele of Celtic impress me. I will look forward to seeing them develop.” [Gazzetta]

Which kind of negates those in our media who say Scottish football is small time and we should know our place…

We’re doing fine, and even Lawwell deserves a whole heap of credit for where we are.

Although he does have his work cut out with the SFA, as the new kid in town over there, Ian Maxwell, is starting to sound like the man he replaced..

The Scottish FA’s vision is to inspire a nation,”

“That’s exactly what we are here for.

“I have led teams from playing in them, from being an assistant manager to then running a club.”

He hasn’t been very successful, Partick just got relegated, but he’s at least got that on his predecessor, who had no knowledge whatsoever of the game.

I’ve played the game, I’ve run a club, I’ve sat on boards at the SFA and [Scottish Professional Football League],”

“Outside that, I’ve been involved in coaching my sons’ local boys club and I still play over-35s on a Sunday.

“I have a real breadth of understanding of Scottish football as a whole.

“It’s a jump but a jump I’m definitely ready for. I need to back myself with the ability and skills I have got and look forward to the challenge.

“It’s a different type of organisation [to Partick Thistle] but a lot of what we do, it’s similar to what we do at a club in terms of putting matches on, picking teams. We have supporters we need to look after, we have corporate partners and a lot of that is what I’ve lived for a large part of my life so I think I’m very well equipped to handle this.”

He was then going to list his achievements, but he hasn’t actually got any, so he skipped that bit.

Everyone wants what’s best for Scottish football,”

“The SFA and SPFL are made up of members and a lot of those members are the same. The closer we work together, the better.

“But we’re set up for different reasons. The SPFL run the league and commercialise the league. The SFA govern and have a much wider remit.”

Neither of them are any good at that either, so he might well have found his nirvana.

He burbled on a bit about Scotland qualifying for a major tournament, and how Alex MacLeish is the man and so on , before finishing with..

“It’s a real privilege and an honour – and an opportunity – to go and harness that energy and drive that the public have to try and move things on.”

We ain’t moving on anywhere until there is a clear out of the corrupt and collusive at the SFA
A full independent enquiry, conducted by UEFA, or FIFA, into the allegations surrounding the award of a licence to play in europe for the now defunct Rangers.

With a full and transparent conclusion published unedited.

The compliance Officers report, which at least has led to some charges being brought against “rangers “, itself a farce as that club didn’t even exist at the time of the crime, has not been made public.

By not making this report public, the new man at the SFA is giving off, perhaps inadvertently, exactly the same stench as the previous incumbent.

We will wait to see what happens at the “trail “, which will be exactly the same as any other show trial put on by any other autocratic ruling body, and frankly I’m not optimistic we have the right guy in place.

But its early days, and I may be wrong.

As for Lawwell, he’s caught between a rock and a hard place.

On the one hand, should he openly support Resolution 12, the press will be on his back.

Conversely, I’m also aware of certain hacks who can’t wait to slam him for letting down his own supporters and shareholders should he not provide full backing.

Rather him than me ?

Nope.

We have right on our side. That means its worth fighting for.

While we consider the problems at the SFA, and keep an eye out for deflections, its shows an awareness among our support we should be proud of.

On the other side of the city, its been a hilarious few days as the daft bastards go full steam ahead in teir ongoing battle with reality.

Dave King, the trustworthy chairman of Clusterfuck FC has rallied his troops, and told them that due to their loyalty, he is going to cut the away allocation for all clubs so that they can buy more season books.

The gullibiliies have gone beyond gullible this time, and fell for what is exactly the same kind of short term panic we’ve come to associate with that club, such as the secured “overdraft ” with Close Brothers, which needs to be paid soon, and is merely a desperate plea for more money now.

Either someone has to be paid off soon, or someone is going to fuck off soon.

Which is better than their effort-yeah, they had a song for a guy who was never going to play for them..

Will they ever learn ?

One of their promises is already dead in the water, and a major story is needed to push the gullibillies into financing whatever fuck up Dave has done this time, so we can expect one of three things..

An orange top-which won’t happen, Hummel won;t even make any new home kits until the ibrox club pay some sort of deposit against sales..

Walter Smith or Graeme Souness coming in in some sort of advisory role, or even as manager when Gerrard tells us his leg hurts and sends in a sick note delaying his start…

Or some sort of scandal somewhere which “proves ” that Rangers were cheated and treated unfairly, a wagon circler of a story proving that they are as unloved as they are unwashed…

Which reminds me…

Outraged Rangers chairman Dave King has called for SFA board member Gary Hughes to be suspended pending an independent investigation into his Ibrox fans’ slur.

The furious Light Blues supremo was responding to Record Sport’s exclusive story this morning where the non-executive Hampden director referred to Rangers fans as “the great unwashed” in an interview 12 years ago.

King is now demanding an inquiry into self-confessed Celtic fan Hughes who is part of the eight-man SFA board after his appointment in April 2015.

The former CEO of publishing firm CMPI is due to stand for re-election next month but King wants the SFA to launch a probe.

That’s from Gary Ralston, at the Record. He presumably didn’t take his head out of Kings arse long enough to proof read what he’d typed.

This is the “offending ” article.

King said ;

“I can confirm receipt of information, that would appear to be credible, and which merits immediate and thorough independent investigation.

“Mr Hughes should be suspended pending this investigation. I also believe steps must be taken to ascertain whether any other SFA individuals were aware of what Mr Hughes said about Rangers supporters before he was appointed a non-executive director of the governing body in 2015.

“It is important to discover if there has been a breach of the SFA duties and responsibilities to all clubs.”

Er, no. He wasn’t at the SFA then.

The deflector shields are fully switched on.

Their second club is fucked beyond all clusters.

I’ll leave you to decide whether this is a parody, or if its real. I can’t work it out.

As I said, its going to be a lovely summer.

We have to go back to Tuesday for the last caption competition, as I’ve been somewhat busy proving myself to be a dedicated and loving husband looking after my wife who has had an operation.

Actually, she referred to me as a selfish and useless bastard and has continued to do so in no uncertain terms from when I picked her up in “the wrong car ” right up until this morning when …oh i can’t remember what it was I did this time..

Anyhoo, the diary may continue to be erratic in its appearance for a few days yet, but I’ll do what I can when I can.

CaptionStevie g has just been in my shop talking about getting some pills for delusions, cunt didn’t even notice I was a talking bunny

From the same twitter account..

Finally, yesterday was the fifty first anniversary of a great day in the clubs history, and Celtic collectibles on twitter has posted a very rare memento of the occasion…

I never could tell the difference between reality and fiction.

Maybe I should support another club..

Or company…

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BJF

Only in Scotland could someone ; Gary Hughes) be trolled by a convicted criminal for something he said 12 years ago, strewth! I can’t believe Sevco have publically confirmed they don’t expect to get a result against Celtic in the future and therefore have banned the victors partying. How will that solve their problems e.g.the media will simply show Ibrox full at say 70 minutes as they hold on to an 0-0 and then emptying by 75 minutes when Celtic score twice or variations on this theme. They are simply making total asses of themselves, it is an ill thought… Read more »

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Long may it continue bud.
HH

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2 years ago

Mike

Steven Caulker.. Shirley. Scottish fitba. will never be cleansed when we have bellend clowns like Duck-King criminals in charge of anything.
When that rotton cesspit is raised to the.. ground, there will be a warning sign erected in Govania saying… “Cannot build here for 100 years due to severe toxicity”.
Keep up your great works Ralphy, exposing the corruption in the Scottish game.

Just to cheer us up, while we wait for the Boyz to come back, as we sit here drumming our fingers on the table and biting our nails.

Been lovely weather for golf recently.Cheats are thrown out forever.Champions League Final tonight,c’mon Real Madrid,the Masters of Europe.
Thank God the overpriced allocation for that new club’s “stadium” has been massively reduced.Who would pay to watch Celtic play a team who are nothing and even put up banners about it…..Everybody looking forward to watching WorldClass players at the World Cup??…..Going for 8
P.S.Peter? I think and hopefully isn’t very Broonie standard…..

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2 years ago

Monti

Golf?
Utterly fucking pointless…..a bit like your posts, Rob.

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Golf,superb skills needed to play to reasonable level.Pros,even within the world’s top 125 make millions with blue chip companies falling over each other to sponsor global competitions.No corruption,no cheats accepted.Pointless?
Scottish “football” on the other red hand……

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2 years ago

Weered

Rob… Another Irishman called golf “A good walk spoiled”… He got that right 🙂

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Was he called McIlroy,Harrington,Clarke,McGinley,Rafferty,McDowell,Feherty,O’Connor,Daly,Bradshaw……..The only walk spoiled is an o.ang. One…..On the tee,Seve Ballesteros,pointless? Nope……

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2 years ago

Weered

ROB… NOPE HIS SURNAME WAS WILDE…

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2 years ago

Weered

Rob… Yes orange walks are pointless and spoils someone’s day

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Not quite the sportsman,was he? Bit of a smartarse,no pun intended…….

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2 years ago

Corrib 04

Nice surprise seeing the diary this morning. Thought you were gone for the summer!
Cheered me up this morning. (so it did)

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2 years ago

Monti

Ralph,
It’s Steven Caulker! I’m sure you do that deliberately, just to see if the diary is being thoroughly read & not just glanced over.
Or maybe you’re like Charlie Saiz & know fuck all about football.
Cough.
Anyway, never mind all this pish about irregular diaries & give us our daily fix.

Good luck to the wife on her recovery btw, a new iron should cheer the good lady up 🙂

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2 years ago

Honest Hoops

At least the diary is more regular than ipox winning any form of silverware…..cough,cough….great diary today Ralph, squinty eyes does not realise he is opening a can of worms of which will be his own downfall…I’m loving how this will transpires over the coming weeks, months….years, it will be years as the Sfa is involved…

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2 years ago

Noel Skytrot

The whole episode regarding the allocation cut is solely due to a concerted effort by the Union Dobbers and other Hun bastards complaining that they were being moved to accommodate us on match day. There were petitions, letters of complaint calling for us to be moved, in fact, they were calling for us to be banned. If you think back to Squinty MaGinty greeting like the prick he is over Hibs decision to reduce their allocation, the hypocrisy reeks from them. They’ve possibly made a monumental blunder as for when they have to come to CP, wait and hear their… Read more »

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2 years ago

Weered

Noel… Sounds like peepul power 🙂 useless fucks can’t see the harm they do to themselves… Wankers all…

Welcome back Ralph, best wishes for a speedy recovery to the long suffering Mrs Ralph.

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Decent hun competition I Juno’s it’s an oxymoron but my choice is either sandy jardine or John Grieg

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

I know not Juno. That was a popular Hollywood flick the movie “Tully “ is excellent. Off topic from football but it’s restored my faith in womanhood Charlize Theron brilliant

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

(Monti and Charlie seething)

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Yawn if you had to have a hun in the celtic all time team who would it be if not choosing meant burning your hoose doon

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2 years ago

Noel Skytrot

Ian, my house would be razed to nothing more than ashes.

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Don’t know Noel I think Jardine was there best ever player better than laudrup or gaza he just was fucking legend of a player world class but not as good as mcgrain

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2 years ago

Noel Skytrot

I’m joking mate. No doubt they have had some fantastic players that played for the dead club. Shame all of them before Souness thought it was acceptable that people of a certain persuasion couldn’t play for them then.

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Jim Baxter…..WorldClass and a good friend to many Celtic players….

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Port
We were looking for an echo , an answer to our sound
Classic ol 55

Peter lawwell we want money spent on the team so this cheating mob at liebrox get know were near us this is our chance to stay on top for years so dont take us backwards and mind we have a investigation aswell so its time to show us your ready for backing your own fans of Celtic and put that convicted criminal king on his arse for good..hail hail

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

John it would take guys hiddink and 50 million to bridge the gap. I don’t see this shirting stuff validated because they have an untried illiterate decent footballer at the helm. Scott Arfield and their old keeper back. It’s hardly time for panic stations

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Willie Johnston wants an apology for snorting speed

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2 years ago

Mike

The drunken rantings of EBT McLeish a total embarrassment to Scottish football, calling on FIFA to “Force clubs to release players for World cup warm up games”. Players need to rest, they are not machines, its a physically demanding game and they need time to let their bodies recover. I would suggest to FIFA that all football players should have a guaranteed amount of rest time, so that young players especially (some of whom their bodies are still growing), do not burn out. EBT McLeish, you are another clown at the SFA who needs booted out pronto.

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2 years ago

Mike

Regan’s de-parting shot, sending Scotland half-way across the World to compete in two meaning less friendlies was a doozy. The season barely finishes and of they go to Peru and Mexico, they could meet up with Pedro and have a cultural sing-song. Its embarrassing, its almost on a par with the slavering’s of wee Barry the dip-stick. Of course they are being assisted by the BBC and Scottish press, well it helps stave away the arm of bankruptcy nearly, always a positive when you are thick as mince. And that describes the clowns that run the SFA, thick as mince,… Read more »

It’s an attempt to quietenthe best supporters in the world. 800 or so Tim’s will always come up with something better than the penny arcade. It’s an exercise in futility you can see them thinking. Always a sign of desperation. The difference between king and dermot , is that Dermott picked a proper manager with reasonably good nous. They’ve reacted with a rookie who could play more than a bit. How many world class players have won anything as managers , zidane? It’s a different gig different remit playing and managing. Season ticket scam it’s obvious to me and I’m… Read more »

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2 years ago

Iancelt67

Ok Beckie Bauer I think rummenige did something . Guys like hiding capello Mario zagalo Mourinho were all mediocre Alex Ferguson. Clough was apparently decent our own jock stein was a journeyman. Martin O’Neill not world class but a good professional. It’s rare you have excellence in both fields

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2 years ago

Cortes

How does the list of title winning Celts manage to omit the European Cup from Big Yogi? Isn’t he, together with Charlie Gallagher, Willie O’Neill etc, a Lisbon Lion?

Have a good game Virgil.
Are we not in for a bit of chunk change if the Scouse seaweeders win?

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2 years ago

Monti

Peter Lawwell needs to concentrate on the first team, not fucking fancy lights about the place, maybe we could set the lights to pink as PSG fuck us to death?
Not that i’m aware of establishments where the lighting is pink & sexual intercourse is available at an agreed sum….cough.

Nothing else matters? Just as well you ride a forklift(part time) and aren’t in charge of Celtics’ finances…..

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2 years ago

SteveNaive

Think maybe Jim Baxter was one of their best. Can’t remember seeing him but asked my da.
“Aye, he was good” was all he would say.
Would have loved Gasgoine and Laudrup with us though.

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2 years ago

Mike

He was PISH but he made great soup.

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2 years ago

Mike

I met Baxter when he was doing his National Service, he was a friend of a pal of mine, who sadly died 2 weeks ago, in fact my pal who also played for St. Johnston was his best man at his wedding. Baxter lived and was brought up near where Broony lived and was brought up. Baxter always reminded me of George Best, his natural talent dimmed very quickly and we know the reason for that. I also met him a few times when I worked in Kinning park he was well gone then to his demons. A big natural… Read more »

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

The approach to fitness/diet and recovery have moved on by miles since those days,if you were to somehow move these guys into the current era just think what skills they would be showing on the modern surfaces?
Now transport the likes of Messi and Ronaldo back in time and ask them to display their talents on the surfaces these guys had to work with?

I think they would struggle to replicate their ability as well.

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2 years ago

Rebus67

Baxter was world class for a period….a period cut short by his lifestyle. For a player with little pace, he understood that the ball should do the work. He had a great range of passing and a hard shot when he chose to use it. His keepie-uppie versus England at Wembly was a thing of beauty. He played in a Scotland team that was the best I have seen. Sadly, egos got in the way of their achievement….that and losing the glue that held the team together…John White (the ghost) of Spurs. He also contributed to football fashion by setting… Read more »

Billy McNeill tried to sign Michael Laudrup when he was 16.
His dad blocked it citing finishing his education in Denmark before he signed for any overseas Club.

Can you imagine the impact he would have had at Celtic?

The GOAT no danger.

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2 years ago

Honest hoops

Caption; why are you not at the game?..They cut the ticket allocation..here’s a cup of tea for you..

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2 years ago

Mike

From pot bellied pigs playing 5 a side, hurplin doon the pitch, to the Champions League final, football is an amazing sport. Schools fitba. amateur, semi pro, part time pro’s to full time players. Everybody has a fairy-tale imagination of what they could have.. been. To dream the impossible dream of becoming a full time professional player, the game of football has this amazing magic that just draws you in. Sitting watching the telly tonight, seeing these fantastic players, giving there all to win the Champions Cup. Almost to the day 51 years ago, Celtic were that team, overcoming all… Read more »

Whilst I agree with the sentiment coming from Maxwell regarding taking Scottish Football forward etc etc I cannot get past this 5 Way Agreement debacle. If there is indeed an agreement that has taken place then the only way I can see fans moving on is if this particular moment in recent history is both made public and dealt with properly. How can a Clandestine agreement made between parties with vested interests possibly be in the interests of the rest of the other Clubs/Supporters involved? Well MrMaxwell if you want full support in your new role may I suggest you… Read more »

“Then we love you, lord Stevie
And want you to stay
Please sign up some talent
Who can actually play
Bring all those great players
You know to Ibrox
And save us from Bosmans,
Loan deals and old crocks.”

Phuqn wee cretin mc rae coak sparra n aw that i do recall that statement another wanka helpin tae ruin the game in porridgeland

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2 years ago

Cartvale88

Caption Ya wee B, a Celtic strip, Not in ma hoose, we Ara peepul. Reducing the allocation will only highlight the pish they sing. I think the meltdown/the great awakening is upon us . Look at the latest garbage from the trash that purports to be the media Celtic fan spotted vandalising a car in Maryhill Celtic fan flung out of a barbers in Magaluf They are in serious meltdown, after tonight’s non-entity match Mo Salah and various others will be winging their way to join Stevie G, will be put about by the fat controller. It great to be… Read more »

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2 years ago

Mike

What aboot the parking though, not bothered too much about visiting the cesspit in Govan, more concerned about getting into Paradiso.

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Mike,there are talks going on about opening a train station at Parkhead on the Springburn line….

Or so I’ve heard,790 sevco supporters`ll get a free piece and scallop wallop scampi with every ticket at Celtic Park next season.

Rebel Regale.

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2 years ago

Monti

Caption:Granda- ” No Billy, we aren’t the people any more….you are a Celtic fan ”
Billy -” but i’m your grandson ”
Granda-” exactly…now fuck off “

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2 years ago

Monti

So i see it was a yes vote on the Abortion issue….

The Devil walks proud today!

Disgrace!

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Says the male poster.

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

Extremely surprised and very disappointed,poor babies….

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Dan Brown would struggle to decipher some of the posts in here at times.

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Prediction for tonight’s Big Cup?

Madrid deploy the dark arts in defence and the UEFA appointed lickspittle let’s them away with it till the game is out of sight.
I for one hope Liverpool destroy them tonight.

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2 years ago

Monti

Evening lofty

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2 years ago

Rob O'Keeffe

CS,I hope it’s Real that prevail.Celtic fans used to sing Liverpool,you’re the sh.te of Merseyside.After Heysel I loathed them.They bang on about Hillsborough but conveniently don’t mention that their thugs caused innocent Italians deaths.Even recently they attacked the opposition team coach.Imagine if that was Celtic fans? Gerrard is one of them,a ned with dodgy gangster connections.The truth hurts….

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Ramos up to his usual tricks.
Dirty big cunt.

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2 years ago

Charlie Saiz

Job done by Ramos.
Wee nod to his team mate there the big cynical cunt that he is.
Remember his jaw breaking “tackle” on wee Dylan in that pre Season friendly when he was taking the piss out of their entire midfield?

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2 years ago

Monti

LGBT marches, legalised abortion…..the devil has manifested himself today, he walks among you….
A good day for Satan today!

RT @YourWullie Celtic's Jimmy Johnstone celebrates with his team-mates after scoring their first goal against Dukla Prague during the European Cup Semi-Final 1st leg at Celtic Park in Glasgow on 12th April 1967.
Celtic won 3-1.
Photo by Paul Popper pic.twitter.com/bhGPdZzDhm

RT @MrChuckD I do think this society needs to re-examine USA police brutality issues AND cases as far as 25 yrs back like some folk go after Nazi war criminals . Some have gotten away Scot free and inquiring movements should KNOW their current status occupations and thoughts to go Forward... pic.twitter.com/JvwnIed9bQ