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Saturday, October 27, 2012

Complaints and Positivity

Life has been very busy lately. I haven't felt very certain in my classes and have been feeling extremely overwhelmed when it comes to EVERYTHING!

I guess the amount of times that people ask "how I do it all" and me responding, "I don't know. It doesn't seem like much to me," is starting to catch up to me.

It seems like much.

I seems like a lot.

And as much as don't like to complain because I know I live an amazing and very fortunate life its starting to get really fucking overwhelming.

Between dealing with all of the day to day things of life I am starting to notice a change in Leilani's behavior, I'm starting to realize that she doesn't have that many friends and that the children that are around her aren't that great.

They tease her, their parents aren't as involved, the babysitter isn't doing that great. To date Leilani has watched Chuckie, Nicki Minaj, Rihanna videos and has played "Truth or Dare" just to name a few of my baby sitter woes.

But mommy has to go to classes, doesn't have enough money to afford a 'top of the line' after school program and doesn't have any real options to choose from.

I keep trying to remind myself that it's only for two to three days out of the week but the dissonance that she feels with the children of the neighborhood is constant. And of course as a mother and being the reason why she's there makes me feel horrible.

However, as I write this I can NOT forget the amazing things that are happening in our lives. Things like picture day, Box Tops for Education, Boston trips, serendipity play dates at the zoo and the fact that I got a B on my Economics of Policy mid term and I have a B in another one of my classes.

Nope life isn't bad but at times it can be very stressful BUT! I have to remind myself that I have more positivity in my life than negativity or real problems.