Predators aspired to be the proper sequel that would hopefully revive a long dormant franchise. By closely adhering to the original premise with a few plot tweaks, its audience should be readily familiar with selectively injected catchphrases, weapons, and strategy. unfortunately it’s not compelling enough to warrant another Predator film. The first film took place on Earth and to be clever, this film was set on a Terra formed planet in a galaxy far, far away.

The unlucky contestants who unwillingly participated in an intergalactic foreign exchange program for hunters more closely resembled the Village People 2010 revival tour than cold hearted killers. We know this by the way each carefully selected Earth race imaginable were thrown into a completely foreign environment and can simultaneously deliver the stupid look. Yet like a newborn, they quickly cling to Maslow’s most basic needs. They quickly trust each other and take orders from someone they have no reason to trust at all. That someone, Adrian Brody is an amoral mercenary who quickly understood the Predators’ game plan as if he was given a manual at the start. If he meets the right woman (cue the cliché gong) he’ll become as sympathetic a character as a hooker with a heart of gold. Since we had to convince the audience a soft expression Brody character was a real lethal killer, he strategically set up each of his ensemble without consequences. Yet, they continue to listen and follow his lead. Well think about it. Would you trust someone who said, “Don’t worry that car won’t hit you..” after the same person got you hit by oncoming traffic? Didn’t think so. In fact, to retaliate you might try to convince that person to unknowingly face oncoming traffic just to send a message. Yet, no one tried to turn the tables on Brody. Cautiously yet cluelessly our rugged band of killers trek onto their inevitable doom.

The talent in this film was wasted on the body count and I was curious if a talented method actor like Brody imagined that the escape ship was a way off the movie set. Laurence Fishburne played a squatter on the alien world who figured out how to use the Predator technology. Too bad no one seemed to care how he learned to use their weapons against them and lived so long to tell the tale. The film failed to explain if or how Predators recognize each other when they are cloaked. Keep in mind, predators don’t attack in groups if we are going by the first two films.

The problems with the film are plagued by inconsistencies attributed to being a fan of the first film and trying to be its own animal. Fishburne’s character spoke how quickly the Predators adapted to the tactics of their prey. Yet, Brody employed a tactic similar to Arnold’s character Dutch in the original with even greater success against the Predator. Maybe he didn’t get the memo that he all he had to do was zone in on Brody’s heart beat and he could grab the earth man with ease. It’s not like the same Predator didn’t use this technological feature in the same scene. Oh wait it is. Of course there are two Predator species and this was the slower thinking tribe.

The first Predator film was a singular creature attracted to conflict dominated species like humans. The suspense was based off the fact that you barely saw the Predator and the tension between the characters. It picked its opponent based on their ability to survive. In this film, there is no tension between the characters. The director would have you believe they are trying to teach human killers all over the world a lesson about themselves. The implausible nature of this paradox becomes stunningly clear when you learn the predictable truth behind Topher Grace’s character. By the way, if the race of Predators was so intent on administering “let the punishment fit the crime” bill you would think they’d make a deal with the governments of Earth to take their overpopulated prison problem off their hands. Instead, its a more convoluted objective than importing ice from Pluto. I guess human beings aren’t the only race willing to waste their resources and energy on a pointless pursuit.

In my never-ending tribute to George Thorogood’s 1 bourbon, 1 scotch, 1 beer I must rate Predators as a very flat beer sitting out on a humid NYC day.

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Thoughts on Cinema is dedicated to film reviews. An uncompromising opinion on the intellectual, artistic, and entertainment value to the consumer. With rising ticket prices, we dedicate ourselves to present to you content regarding what you should or should not be viewing.
-Ronald H. Pollock Founder and Editor in Chief