The Nutmeg Lawyer

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

What Did I Ever Do to Linda McMahon?

My grandfather told me never to bring up politics, religion or answer the question "Do these pants make me look fat?" I decided to forgo that solid advice to put in my two cents regarding the 2012 Connecticut Senate Race. For my Connecticut readers, you are probably aware that Linda McMahon is running to become our next Senator. A darling of the Tea Party, the Republican hopeful spent over fifty million of her own money in her last campaign effort. With that experience under her intercontinental championship belt, she is giving it another try. At first I was excited.As a child of the 70s and 80s, I grew up
watching my wrestling heroes defend American values.I watched Hulk Hogan and Sargent Slaughter
take on the evil Iron Sheik, the Soviet Nikolai Volkoff, and others who
threatened the stars and stripes.As the
CEO of World Wrestling Entertainment, Linda would bring the smack down to
Washington.Like a tag team
partner,I would be there in Linda's
corner.But then like a folding chair
out of nowhere, Linda hit me over the head.She sucker-punched me! (figuratively of course)

Embarking on her 2012 Senate effort, she added a new political slogan to her campaign. She began boasting that she wasn't a lawyer or a career politician. As if being a lawyer or politician was a bad thing. As if Chris Murphy and Susan Bysiewicz were somehow evil for having legal backgrounds. As if years of college and law school were somehow indicative of poor character. Personally, I think having a legal background in government is a good thing. Twenty six presidents were lawyers. (That list includes Abraham Lincoln who was apparently also a vampire hunter ) In my opinion, a scholarly understanding of our Constitution is preferable for a Senator. So why take a swipe at lawyers? I'm a lawyer. I don't think I'm such a bad guy. I give to charity. I pet dogs. I often leave a penny instead of taking a penny at the convenience store. I even replace the toilet paper in my bathroom with a new roll. So what's Linda's problem? And her problem with politicians? She invested fifty million dollars to become one. Am I eating crazy pills?

While many are quick to tell a lawyer joke, most will acknowledge that the legal profession is a noble one. Ask any mother what career path she would wish on her children and the most common answer is doctor or lawyer. Linda's own background included work as a receptionist at the corporate law firm of Covington & Burling. Perhaps years of answering the phone "Covington & Burling...How may I direct your call" soured her view of lawyers. Perhaps it was the many lawsuits filed against her company for steroid use, untimely deaths, sexual harassment and employment issues. I can only imagine she turned to the help of lawyers doing those gut wrenching events. I am not ashamed to say it. Linda McMahon broke my heart. I may have to vote for the lawyer in this election. (Editor's note: OK, OK. So I was always going to vote for the lawyer in this one.)

Lawyers do lots of good work, but I've never met so many people that truly deserved to go to hell when they die until I started associating with lawyers. We routinely destroy people's lives over nickles and dimes. We cite our "ethical" duty to our client to justify advancing terrible outcomes. We act as if justice were a process instead of a result. Lawyers are there to bill you hundreds of dollars an hour because you found yourself in a jam, and if one is representing you for free, chances are its because they want to take a full third of the value of a catastrophic life changing injury you've suffered. And why would you agree to such a terrible deal? Because the other side has a lawyer whose job is make delay; make hassle; and to make people that suffer catastrophic injuries look like liars, fakers, and exaggerators. People hate lawyers for a reason.

A Note From the Author

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