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September 04, 2016

RIP, Pran Kurup (1966-2016)

My dearest friend, Pran Kurup (3 Oct 1966 — 3 Sep 2016), passed away yesterday from a cardiac arrest. He had been in India for several months. His funeral will take place in Trivandrum at 2 PM on Monday, 5th September.

I met Pran at IIT Kharagpur 31 years ago. After our first year, some of us freshmen became close friends and moved into a hostel wing. Pran and I took rooms next to each other. He used to wake me up each morning; I would have missed a lot of classes without his help. Not that I learned much in class; I mostly remember my college years for some of the friendships I made, and my friendship with Pran was among the most precious in my life. He was also, as another friend noted yesterday, the heart and soul of our wing, everybody’s favorite guy. Years later, he is still the glue that holds our wing-mates together, encouraging us to communicate and meet often.

In 1989, after four years at IIT, Pran and I went to the U.S. for grad school. There we shared a journey of personal growth and learning, especially during our two decades in California. We spent much time together. With another friend, we even went on a road trip in 1993 to Death Valley, Vegas, Grand Canyon, and southern Utah. At times we would retreat into the lingo and bawdy humor of our college days, and tease each other about our college crushes and unrequited loves—a ribbing that had a rare and sweet intimacy. We sized up our respective dates and eventual mates. I watched him become a deeply involved dad to a daughter and a son. After a couple of company jobs, he founded and ran his own small business focused on e-learning solutions, with a team in Trivandrum. We were immersed in each other’s emotional, intellectual, and professional lives.

We often met for lunch, and on some Fridays at Tied House, a brewery in Mountain View, where we always got the same munchies with our beers—grilled catfish strips and black bean nachos. Thanks to him, I laughed a lot when we hung out. We discussed the meaning of life, love, work, films, politics, technology, India. We talked about people we knew, and of our joys and sorrows. Together we celebrated many of our little milestones and events: birthdays, new jobs, visiting friends. He cooked mean Kerala-style curries, and made juicy mojitos for me with fresh mint leaves from a veggie garden he had maintained in recent years, and of which he was very proud.

After I moved back to India in 2013, we Skype’d often—more in late 2015, when he and his team in Trivandrum did a major upgrade to shunya.net—but I missed our 1-on-1 time a lot, as did he (on March 18 this year he messaged me: ‘Miss having you around here. Lost count of the number of times this thought has occurred to me. So let me tell u this b4 I forget again.’). In the last couple of years, he suffered from bouts of depression on account of certain changes in his health. I advised him to seek professional counsel but I was left with the nagging feeling that I’m not doing enough to help. He tried Vipassana and said it helped. He spoke about the virtues of living in the present, approaching each day as it comes. We met last when he visited Delhi for his book launch this July. He looked physically weak and vulnerable. I spoke to him just two days before his last day on earth. He had been in Trivandrum for many months, staying with his sister and mother, and working on a major upgrade of their e-learning platform with the employees of his business located next door. He planned to return to California a couple weeks later, after Onam.

Pran always had an abiding interest in people. He invested in relationships and people loved him back. On his nightly calls from California to his Trivandrum office, he made it a point to speak to each of the dozen or so employees, however briefly, and attended their marriages back home. He despised hierarchy and had little patience for pretentious or status-minded people, preferring to relate to others on a foundation of openness and transparency. He also cared deeply about working for progressive change in society—especially in India—an expression of which was his column for the Economic Times and his dedication and long hours of volunteer work for the Aam Aadmi Party. He significantly improved AAP’s web presence, fundraising, and communication with scalable new technology, such as an email database, a mass mailing system, and Google hangouts. A news junkie, he was passionate about clean politics and social justice and he fought for it in his own way, despite his ill health, and without seeking attention or applause. Through his volunteer work, he touched the lives of countless people, the extent of which I’m only now realizing from the outpouring of affection for him on social media.

Old friendships are among the most beautiful things in life. Good old friendships are based not just on intellectual compatibility but on other no less important things: shared experiences, camaraderie, forgiveness, listening with empathy, rooting for each other, a simple happiness and comfort in each other’s presence. Good old friendships are the rarest of gifts. They anchor us in the world and give it meaning. Of all the things that make life entirely happy, wrote Epicurus, much the greatest is the possession of friendship.

Pran was as close as any friend I’ve ever had, and I mourn his loss today. I’m utterly consumed with sadness. With him, a piece of me is gone too. The news is still too raw and it’ll take time for me to fathom the extent of my loss. The random misfortunes of health that struck him some years ago couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Through his ups and downs, my most abiding memory of him is his optimism, his decency, his caring for a better India, and his infectious humor and laughter. I loved him dearly. RIP, my beloved friend.

Comments

Nicely written Tribute. Namit I was shocked and couldn't believe the news when I first heard about it yesterday evening. He was a sportsman and a jovial person, how could he suffer a heart attack ? His visit to Mumbai for his book launch remains pending. RIP dear friend.

So sorry for you loss. Indeed, dear friends from our youth are an anchor that is as important as a supportive family. We don't have to pretend to be something else in their company. The non-judgmental side by side experiences of our youth are something which do not get replicated easily as we get older.

Nicely phrased, Namit.
How can we ever forget his infectious laughter, his jovial demeanour, his easy manner with near and dear, his value for friendship, his effort to keep in touch with friends.... I could go on. I am not sure I can ever really come to terms with his moving on so early in his life.

Very well written Namit. Still shocked to come to terms with this loss. All the discussions from NH days to US playing in mind over and over again. As you rightly wrote - friendships made in KGP will always remain fresh and source of strength in our lives lives.

The read almost brought tears down. Never met anyone with so much humility, down-to-earth, un-pretentious. He never had any superiority and always gelled well with people around without any inhibitions. #RIP Pran.

I just heard the news from a common friend. Pran was my manager at my first job at Cirrus Logic. I left Cirrus to join him at Bytek (later Vitalect) which he founded in 1998 with some friends. I have never had a better manager in the 20+ years since I first met him. He was a mentor, friend - we did not meet as often after I moved on from Bytek though. The last time I met him was about 4-5 months ago, and I was about to write to him on Tuesday to ask whether he could meet a week later, since it was a while from the last time we met. Too late - anyway he was in India and I did not know that. I was just out of college when I first met Pran, and he taught me a lot, which I will never forget. RIP Pran!

I am just devastated - he was the heart and soul of the Santa Clara Cricket Club and his Monday morning Morgan Times was a refreshing Monday morning paper capturing the highlights of the cricket weekend. His writing style mirrored his personality - full of vigor, information and humor blended in such beautiful entwining of mesmerizing combinations of twist and turns of prose - we used to look forward to it every Mkmday.

Shocked to see the news about passing away of Kurup Pran a close friend of Crusader against Corruption Arvind Kejriwal.Thank you for your lucidly written note.He was generous in making friends on Twitter handle and we used to exchange our views on the current affairs of Delhi. On this 7th July I had purchased a copy of his book titled as Arvind Kejriwal And the Aam Aadmi Party: An Inside Look at Mumbai. He has been very closely involved with the AAP since its inception. He was the former President of the Silicon Valley India Professionals Assocition and had been writing a very popular blog on the Economic Times website. I pay my heartfelt tributes to this technology entrepreneur, political observer and commentator. May his great and humble soul rest in peace.

Unlike many of you on this list, I knew him - sat near him for 2 years at Padma Seshadri Bal Bhavan, in Madras - during our Plus 2 years. As everyone here has testified, he had such an infectious laughter and made me laugh so loudly during classes that I would always get in trouble. We went our own ways after that but we were always in touch through email. Many people may not be aware - but he was a big Rajini fan during those days - and we would tease him mightily for that. Even now our emails would be written in bad Tamil - undecipherable to most people. He was absolutely my best friend during those two years. I guess people don't change - he was not very patient with pretentious people even then - but friendly with everyone.

I was not aware that he had a medical issue - 4 months ago, I even made fun of his jet-black hair teasing him if was using a hair dye to get that color! I pray that his family and children have the strength to survive this tragedy.

It is a great loss for all of us who knew him from our days in Santa Clara Cricket Club. He kept us all in good humor with his publication of Morgan Times. I too miss the occasional lunches and get togethers at Tied House. We also had some professional interaction as well as run into each other at birthday parties for sons and daughters of mutual friends. I have lost many of my friends recently and the thought that Pran is amongst them is deeply saddening. I will miss him needling me about how single-handedly I was influencing the beer stock.

Our condolences his family and our prayers are with them in these difficult times.

Dear Namit: I am so moved by your obituary of your beloved friend. Old friendships are a rare gift, and you have powerful words to describe what they mean. I did not know your friend, but you have made me feel the shadow that his passing has cast. And your words of wisdom have helped me as I struggle with something similar.

Well said Namit. Pran was and will forever remain a shining star. He radiated good character, integrity, grace, and optimism in both good times and difficult circumstances. A truly wonderful person. He deeply touched many who knew him. His extraordinary life is one that is worth learning by example from and should serve as a guiding light for many of us.

One of the first friends I connected with in my life .. early primary school. He was like my idol in class and tagged along with him as much as I could. Wanting to be next to him in the assembly, next to him in the class photo, etc. Something that pulled me to him all the time. Lost contact after I changed school in Std 6 till social media brought us back into a school group together. One guy in the group I was hoping and eager to meet sooner or later, after 40 years. But now I know that is not going to be. That is a shock. Pran is gone before I had a chance to meet him again. Rude shock. Bye, Pran. Wish we could meet.

Thanks for putting this together so beautifully Namit.
A beautiful human, fellow-KGPian who I wish I had known a bit more.

When I moved to CA more than a decade ago his smiling welcome at a park is one of the first memories I have of an IIT Silicon area picnic/ hang-out.

The last memory I have of him is a few years back - all smiles, as several of us from Nehru Hall (kgp) were debating, prognosticating etc. regarding Kejri who was prepping to go after the CM role in Delhi. Weighty matters of State or whatever didn't seem to change Pran's state at all - all smiles.

The closest I worked with him was when we played cricket at KGP. As a fellow player all I can say as we all try to fathom this news is -
"Well played Pran.."

Profound sympathies to his family. Hope they find strength and serenity as they tide over this overwhelming loss.

RIP, Pran. Truly one of the nicest people I've met. I remember ragging time in KGP, and how I came to like him and his wing-mates. Of course, he did no ragging at all - it was all just fun and games. Much later, his kids and mine attended the same school in Fremont, and we bumped into each other often. He always had that wonderful smile that was was reassuring and familiar, but also had that hint of mischief. I just wish I had made the time to meet him more often. Just tells us how fragile life is, and how we need to cherish every living moment.

Every year, around this time for the past 27 years, I would send Pran two emails, one for Onam and one for his birthday. Pran would have been 50 in Oct. Gone too soon!

I first met Pran in September of 1989. Like me, Pran had come from India to study at the University of Miami. We met looking for housing to start our new life in America and soon become friends and eventually housemates.

Through common struggles of being in a foreign land, juggling coursework and TA duties and shared experiences living in a house together we became good friends.

Many of the memories from that time together are still fresh in my mind:
-- long walks from the tiny house in Coral Gables to the Publix grocery store with bags of grocery.
-- piling up in Ravi's station wagon and bar hopping along the Miami coast
-- once a month all you can eat buffet at Indian restaurants.
-- working together on assignments for Prof. Sarkar's expert systems class.
-- watching David Letterman on a 10" b&w tv
-- listening to ghazals and old yesudas songs
-- reading and discussing news over chai every morning
-- mini reunion in St Louis and driving on impulse to Bloomington, IN
-- learning to cook starting from simple things like rice, instant ramen and graduating to chicken and fish curries

Throughout these experiences Pran was a caring, helpful and fun person to be around. He was very easy to talk to and had a natural ability to make people comfortable around him. Pran was very generous with his time and advice on any topic and took genuine joy in other people's success.

After Miami, I left for Indiana for grad school and Pran moved to the Bay Area where he really blossomed and thrived during the internet boom of the 90s. We kept in touch through email and I watched him evolve his chip design startup into an education and training consulting firm. We reconnected again when I moved to the Bay area and his personality was the same: gregarious and funny. We would have lunch once a month and talk about technology, movies, cricket, politics, writing and his desire to do good through technology.

I moved to Los Angeles in 1996 and would drive to the Bay area every few months making sure to spend time with him and his family, his lovely wife and beautiful kids. It was amazing to see him be a loving husband and a doting father watch his kids grow through each accomplishment.

Randomly struck with ill health during last few years, I never found him to be self-doubting or self-pitying. He continued to have boundless optimism and put his energy into writing and helping Arvind Kejriwal succeed in his fight for better governance in India.

I will miss him dearly and I will always cherish my time with Pran.
I can almost hear him ask: 'Chai Piyega?' and me answering: 'Banao!'

Here's to your awesome personality, infectious laughter and thank you for your gift of friendship!

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