The first thing I thought when I saw the packaging for the Hot Seat was: “I’m going to need to start working out more before I try this thing out.” The woman on the box is in a physically impossible-to-hold position unless you are an Olympic gymnast or a member of Cirque de Soleil, which are sadly two skill sets I don’t possess. Basically, what the thing is is an inflatable pillow, in the center of which is an 8” vibrating “dong” (their word, not mine) that is controlled via a small corded remote. The pillow itself (which is black to match the dong) is flocked, a word I typically associate with miniature toys (horses, rabbits, etc.) but is also used to describe that fuzzy stuff you find on other inflatable objects not meant to be put into water, like air mattresses or those U-shaped pillows people bring onto planes.

I thought the flocking would be annoying and possibly chafing, but it’s actually not so bad, and a far sight better than just the plain plastic would be, I imagine. Two sturdy handles on each side allow you to grab on for a more satisfying ride. It’s a little intimidating, but if you give it a chance, it’s sort of a fun thing to play around with—if you have the patience.

First, you’ll need to assess your playing field. I have hardwood floors. I do not recommend attempting to sit, kneel, or do anything related to the Hot Seat on hardwood floors, and I have the bruises to prove it. So I transferred the action to my bed, which, frankly, is the least-supportive bed in the world. This was better, since I didn’t injure myself, but also posed a problem in that it did not present the best platform to stabilize the pillow. My recommendation (in retrospect) is to a) have a nice firm mattress or b) to rig up some sort of floor-based, but still soft surface, like a comforter on the floor.

My other recommendation is to not attempt to emulate the model on the box. Seriously, guys. Bad idea. Sitting and/or kneeling is difficult and not fun. The handles do provide some stabilization, but I ended up not really grabbing them as much as I’d assumed I would. The vibration is okay, but adds little to the experience. In the end, the amount of hassle with positioning and figuring everything out was a little too much for me, as I am very, very lazy. In terms of toys, I’d rather have a vibrator – excuse me, dong – that is not attached to anything. If you’re looking for riding action, get yourself a man (or a male real doll), rather than the Hot Seat.