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Topic: do you think she's being a bridezilla? (Read 26684 times)

My Dh and I have a great friend. DH grew up with him and they have always been close. I've known dh's friend for 15 years. He started dating "Annie" about 5 years ago and although she appeared nice it didn't take long for her true colors to appear. For the past 5 years she has made subtle comments that are rude in nature...comments such as stating that I'm a ditz and also putting down my artwork. I'm not sure if she is trying to be funny or just rude. It turns out that I do not find her to be a very nice person so imagine my surprise when she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. I have always been cordial to her for my dh's and our friends sake so I said yes, and thanked her for thinking of me. I immediatly told her that anything I could do to help with the planning process would be my pleasure, she said thanks and time went on. Everything was alright for a while. She picked a dress and then emailed me the style so I could go try it on. She lives 4 hours away so meeting her to go try on dresses was near impossible between work and handling my household. She emailed me the dress and style and gave me a week to go try the dress on. The dress shop she chose was 2 hours away. I told her it would have to be the following week. The following week I went with DH during a snowstorm to try the dress on. As requested, I took a picture of me in it and sent it to her. She then said "make sure it fits and is comfortable" I stated "Well it isn't the correct size as they did not have my size and the dress that I order will be taken in in a few areas as I planned on losing some left over baby weight prior to the wedding". She sent this back to me (mind you it was November) "I really don't have time to deal with dress issues, if you plan on losing weight then you need to do it sooner than later so we don't run into last minute issues". I was really upset by this...who was she to tell me I cannot lose weight and if I do then I need to do it NOW!?!? I simply texted her back saying all was good and I would have my dress taylored, no big deal. Fast foward a few weeks, she decides after I drove the 2 hours to try the dress on that she will not be going with that one afterall and I will need to special order my dress. She sends me the link with the dress and say's it takes 2 weeks to arrive after ordered. She has sent me weekly texts demanding when I will get my dress. The wedding is June 1st. So far I have done everything she asked, if I'm a little late ordering my dress due to some money issues it isn't a huge deal...! I told her that my dress would be ordered this month (I planned on the 25th when I get paid). She sent me a text last night "You and your DH are the only ones who have not gotten your tux and dress yet, please do so by Friday!! I do not like last minutes things!!" I was angry, I mean very angry! Am I wrong to feel this way? I mean I know it's her wedding, I planned one myself and it was very stressful but isn't it the little things she should worry about rather then try to micromanage everyone 2 and a half months from the wedding. This has been going on non stop since November. At this point I know it's too late to back out of the wedding, but I'm really upset with her. She also originally gave my dh the deadline to get fitted for his tux by April 30th, why is she telling him he has to have it done by this Friday...it's a control issue.

I think she's being unreasonable and too bossy. Can you call DH's friend and speak to him about this? Maybe he can tell her to back off and stop treating you like a child, and sending such demanding messages. Can he reassure her that you and DH have things under control and she needs to back off a bit? Another option, I'd just start sending brief replies like "got it/will do/understood/okeydoke" that are non committal but acknowledge you got her message. Then do what you need to do-on your own schedule, not hers- and keep her posted when it's done. Don't be at her beck and call, let her realize you have it under control. Let her get herself in a lather, but don't put yourself or DH in one.

Thank you! I tried sending her simple replies..she seems to WANT answers right away. I never agreed to be bullied like this. I think sometimes brides do not see how much money people that stand up for them are shelling out...it's not just about finances it's more about her micromanaging issues and acting as though grown adults cannot follow through. Ugh...I'm glad I'm not the only one that sees this as an issue.

She then said "make sure it fits and is comfortable" I stated "Well it isn't the correct size as they did not have my size and the dress that I order will be taken in in a few areas as I planned on losing some left over baby weight prior to the wedding". She sent this back to me (mind you it was November) "I really don't have time to deal with dress issues, if you plan on losing weight then you need to do it sooner than later so we don't run into last minute issues". I was really upset by this...who was she to tell me I cannot lose weight and if I do then I need to do it NOW!?!? I simply texted her back saying all was good and I would have my dress taylored, no big deal.

I agree this person is in the wrong, but I think you should not mention that you intend to lose weight if you do not want people to comment on it. I think if you had stuck to your final comment that you would have the dress tailored you could have avoided the hard feelings. Again, I think the bride is wrong, but I understand where she is coming from being concerned that a dress ordered based on a plan that might not come to fruition could result in a last minute "my dress doesn't fit" fiasco. I would do my best to not take what she says or does personally. You didn't like her before, you are not likely to grow to like her now, she will presumably always be a part of your life if the friend is a part of your life and married to her, so just accept that she's rude and do what you can to not allow her personality flaws to negatively affect you.

She then said "make sure it fits and is comfortable" I stated "Well it isn't the correct size as they did not have my size and the dress that I order will be taken in in a few areas as I planned on losing some left over baby weight prior to the wedding". She sent this back to me (mind you it was November) "I really don't have time to deal with dress issues, if you plan on losing weight then you need to do it sooner than later so we don't run into last minute issues". I was really upset by this...who was she to tell me I cannot lose weight and if I do then I need to do it NOW!?!? I simply texted her back saying all was good and I would have my dress taylored, no big deal.

I agree this person is in the wrong, but I think you should not mention that you intend to lose weight if you do not want people to comment on it. I think if you had stuck to your final comment that you would have the dress tailored you could have avoided the hard feelings. Again, I think the bride is wrong, but I understand where she is coming from being concerned that a dress ordered based on a plan that might not come to fruition could result in a last minute "my dress doesn't fit" fiasco. I would do my best to not take what she says or does personally. You didn't like her before, you are not likely to grow to like her now, she will presumably always be a part of your life if the friend is a part of your life and married to her, so just accept that she's rude and do what you can to not allow her personality flaws to negatively affect you.

Thanks, TurtleDove! That's pretty much what I'm doing now. I've known her for five years already and she hasn't changed much at all. I told DH that I cannot take her being rude anymore (She's taken it even further) I texted her and told her that I will be getting my dress this month as previously stated and further said weddings are stressful enough regarding the little things and there is no need to micromanage adults...gulp...I couldn't help it. It's now up to Dh and our friend to work this out.

I would reply "I am unable to order the dress until I get paid on the 25th. If you need me to step down I understand. Let me know what you'd like me to do."

It's okay that she wants to get things done asap, and it's okay that you can't afford to do them when she wants. It may not work out for you to be a bridesmaid and it's better to find out now rather than after you've invested money.

I would remind her that she gave DH until April to get his tux, but that is the only thing that I think she is wrong about.

You admit that you are late in ordering the dress. I don't think she is unreasonable to want it done now. Even if her wedding isnt until June.

How can your DH defend you on that, when you admit that you are late in ordering it?

Its her wedding and I don't think she is wrong to want to have everything taken care of.

I worded it wrong perhaps in my op. I'm not actually "late" pesay in ordering my dress, she's just been asking about it since December. She also gave me a cut off date of April 30th (everything needs to be done by that date) so why is she texting me that last night when I already told her it would be ordered this month regardless.

So I'm wondering what you two are going to say if the friend mentions that his OH wants to know if you want out of the bridal party?

Onlyme

I would be in her bridal party, that isn't the issue. The issue is that she feels and talks as though no one has anything to do aside from her wedding. She's giving deadlines after she already set a deadline previously....

I think the way the bride is communicating isnt perhaps the best, and it sucks that she changed dresses on you after you'd already gone to such trouble to try it on. I do understand though why she would be panicking a little about not having the dress ordered yet. for my late june wedding we started shopping in november because things can take ages to come in, and for june if there are alterations needed the months leading up to it were prime prom season, I had to have my wedding dress in alterations starting april 1. When I was in my friends wedding last year we ordered dresses in June for October, and thank god we did, as after 8 weeks, my dress came in wrong. If we hadnt had that buffer we would have been screwed. ( the dresses came in later than we'd been promised, and then I had to fight with the owner to prove that she'd ordered me the wrong dress).

Even though she did give you a later deadline, I can see why all of this would be playing on her mind, and stressing her out. Again though , I do think she's communicating it to you badly.

I would remind her that she gave DH until April to get his tux, but that is the only thing that I think she is wrong about.

You admit that you are late in ordering the dress. I don't think she is unreasonable to want it done now. Even if her wedding isn't until June.

How can your DH defend you on that, when you admit that you are late in ordering it?

Its her wedding and I don't think she is wrong to want to have everything taken care of.

I worded it wrong perhaps in my op. I'm not actually "late" pesay in ordering my dress, she's just been asking about it since December. She also gave me a cut off date of April 30th (everything needs to be done by that date) so why is she texting me that last night when I already told her it would be ordered this month regardless.

By everything needing to be "done" did she mean just ordering being "done", or could she have perhaps meant that the dress needed to be ordered, received, and tailored "done" by April 30? Like Onlyme, I wonder if your husband's friend is going to say Bride has decided to rescind the invitation to be a bridesmaid.

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I would remind her that she gave DH until April to get his tux, but that is the only thing that I think she is wrong about.

You admit that you are late in ordering the dress. I don't think she is unreasonable to want it done now. Even if her wedding isn't until June.

How can your DH defend you on that, when you admit that you are late in ordering it?

Its her wedding and I don't think she is wrong to want to have everything taken care of.

I worded it wrong perhaps in my op. I'm not actually "late" pesay in ordering my dress, she's just been asking about it since December. She also gave me a cut off date of April 30th (everything needs to be done by that date) so why is she texting me that last night when I already told her it would be ordered this month regardless.

By everything needing to be "done" did she mean just ordering being "done", or could she have perhaps meant that the dress needed to be ordered, received, and tailored "done" by April 30? Like Onlyme, I wonder if your husband's friend is going to say Bride has decided to rescind the invitation to be a bridesmaid.

no she wants it ordered by then. It only takes a week to be delivered. My grandmother in law is a tailor and will size it accordingly within a day or two.. I think it's more about control. It's her personality. If Dh's friend tells my dh that I'm out, then so be it. I followed all of her demands up until now...and even now it is not like I was not following them. I simply told her this month...no need for a deadline of Friday.