Legal humor. Seriously.

Posts from June 2006

June 22, 2006

A (sadly, unnamed) bartender called authorities early Monday morning after he spotted a flashing red light on the wall of a restaurant at Swan Lake Resort in Plymouth, and suspected it to be a bomb. Thirty-five people were evacuated while authorities investigated. After about half an hour, they decided the bomb squad was not needed, largely because the flashing red light was coming from a Pabst Blue Ribbon sign on the window of the restaurant.

I question that decision. Terrorists who did choose to go after Plymouth, Indiana, might well hide a bomb in a PBR sign or keg, and if the bomb squad takes that stuff out and destroys it, at worst you have removed some PBR from the world. What's the downside?

Anyway, as you would expect, the resort's manager, Doug Leedke, said it was all just a sign of the times in the world after 9/11. "Our employee saw something unusual and reported it," Leedke said. Can't be too careful.

A worker at the Royal Australian Mint in Canberra pleaded guilty this week to stealing $135,000 Australian (100,000 of our actual dollars) from his employer by smuggling them out every day in his lunch box and shoes.

Authorities apparently are not sure exactly how much William Grzeskowiak got away with. They recovered 67,926 $2 coins from his garage and his mom's house when he was arrested in February, and that was the amount that he was stated as having stolen. But that assumes, of course, that they got all the money back. Grzeskowiak told the court that he took the money because it gave him a "sense of empowerment" and because he enjoyed the challenge, not so he could spend it, so I guess that makes them confident that he didn't actually spend any of the coins.

According to the article, Grzeskowiak stole nearly half a metric ton of coins over a 10-month period. Assuming those figures are accurate, that would mean he had smuggled out an average of nearly four pounds of coins every day during that time.

Tip for national mints everywhere: departing employees who tend to shuffle out wearing oversized, jingly shoes should be searched thoroughly each and every day.

June 21, 2006

Always looking for more ways to divide the party internally, Democrats are now arguing amongst themselves over whether or not to ban Fluffernutters in New England schools.

Yet more evidence that all other problems have been solved by our state legislatures.

Like most of you, I wrongly assumed that a "Fluffernutter" was some bizarre kind of sex act, and so at first glance I supported banning it from schools, or at least grade schools. Turns out that in fact it is a bizarre kind of sandwich, which according to the AP involves Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter on white bread, sometimes with banana slices included. Yum. The concoction and Marshmallow Fluff itself apparently have a "long history in Massachusetts," and many parents use it as a "food of last resort for finicky eaters."

Not Jarrett Barrios, a Democratic state senator who was outraged -- outraged! -- that his third-grade son was given a Fluffernutter (again, not a kind of sex act) at his school for lunch. He has proposed a bill that would ban schools from offering the sandwich more than once a week. He said that his legislation may seem "a little silly," but seems to have somehow argued that it was not.

Don't tell that to Kathi-Anne Reinstein, a Democratic state representative whose district includes the company that makes Marshmallow Fluff, Durkee-Mower Inc. Not only was it not silly to her, but she has responded with her own proposal to designate the Fluffernutter the official sandwich of the entire Commonwealth, and stated that she will "fight to the death for Fluff."

Stung by the opposition, Barrios said (through a spokesperson) that he was not "anti-Fluff" and would even co-sponsor Reinstein's bill, finding that not inconsistent with restricting the Official Sandwich to once per week.

"He loves Fluff as much as the next legislator," said the spokesperson. That, I believe.

June 19, 2006

Thanks to those who attended (live or by videoconference) the first Lowering the Bar Traveling Road Show, International Mideast Peace Conference and Petting Zoo last Friday. It appeared to be well-received, as few objects were thrown and those that actually reached me were mostly relatively soft. Attendees learned a wide variety of facts related to the law, few of which will actually assist any of them in practicing law except to the extent they may have learned what not to do in various situations. As I mentioned at the presentation, if anyone would like to be added to the usually weekly email update, just send me an email and I would be happy to add you to the list.