I don't really like the word blog, but it seems pointless to fight it, Zis is a blog.
If you want to know more about an Algerian girl who lives in London and struggles with thoughts that are beyond the remits of her understanding, stories of society and social climbers of love and deception and of a status of seemingly eternal singlehood, then you are in the right place...

Thursday, 18 June 2015

Losing my religion!

This year like the last few years, I find myself
questioning my faith; questioning my motives, questioning the whole thing! Why
do I have to starve and deprive myself, why do I have to only be with someone
of the same faith or be sad and lonely forever and ever, why can’t I enjoy a
glass of wine from time to time (don’t worry I do), why so many Dos and Don’ts?
Why so many sacrifices, why is it so difficult and complicated to be a Muslim.

A lot of the times I have to have a talk with
myself in order to regain perspective and decide it was important and that I
stick to it for reasons that I tell myself I understand and accept. If Islam is
the religion of submission, I want to submit and cease all questioning and
probing but I can’t, is it because I am getting older and all this religiosity
is taking its toll on my body or is it because of the prevailing discouraging
anti-Islam and extremist era we’re living in?

Am I a Muslim because I was born into a Muslim
family? Or I was truly born a Muslim like everyone else is believed to be? Am I
a Muslim because it’s easier to comply and submit than to face the threats of
hellfire and the family disownment or I am simply too cowardly to want to truly
know so it’s easier to just keep my faith or semblant of just to avoid
hellfire, just in case it exists!

But I persevere, I fast, it’s Ramadan day one and I
am going through the motions, hoping it’s out of faith and not out of
tradition, total guilt and contriteness, every year I hope to revive my
connection to someone bigger than me who will tell me everything will be ok.

The thing is I understand why we are here on earth;
I just can’t accept that that’s the only reason.

22 comments:

We are mostly muslims because we are born in a muslim family/country. This is the one and only reason, let's be honest. Not all muslims really decided to be muslims (let's say I decided not to be a muslim ! you just see the complications in our backward bigot societies) It's just about following a strong tradition in the family or the national storytelling. Of course there's a lot of "a-posteriori" pseudo-rational justifications because being a muslim involves a lot of commitment and beliefs in a lot of unprovable stories and illogical myths but honestly there's really a thin pourcentage of muslims that question themselves about these (complicated) issues. Quite normal actually because faith and religiosity is not something every one will have time, patience and capacity to deeply investigate (and sometimes the laws and traditions of muslim countries don't even allow you to).. my dear dz-chick I don't see where's the drama because your questioning to me are legitimate and proves you're a sane and logical person.. don't be affraid if you find answers that will not please the herd.. Saha ftorek !

I always thought about that too, if we did have a choice, would we all be Muslims?It's really exhausting sometimes, people seem to be very concerned with the fact you're Muslim! Some avoid the subject with you like it was a big taboo and that's only systematic of their behaviours and thoughts away from you. They think they should fear you and stay away from you, hate you even but you confuse them!

And no I don't think there’s a drama I guess, I don't want to offend anyone especially the over-zealously seasonal Muslims! Enfin, Saha Ftourek Day 1 down...28 to go!

Hi dz bellaunfortunately our religion is not peaceful anymore and we have to admit that... look at ISIS what he's doing! - they kill and slaughter people on the name of Allah!! and please don't tell me is the creation of the CIA or the west .have a nice FridaySaha FtourekM

A lot of modern Muslims are starting to question their faith and whether they would truly be Muslims if they could choose without any consequences. I think it's because we have more access to information and are starting to learn that some of the things these groups are doing are actually allowed in Islam (surprisingly, slavery for example) and so some people are starting to question the whole religion based on that. I know my faith is constantly being shaken but I remind myself God has reasons for why things are the way they are and try not to question and just practice. I keep it to myself though and not tell many people my religion so they don't question me about it.

Modern Muslims .... mmmm .... what do you mean by modern muslims ? since when we have modern and "arcaic" muslims ? a lot of modern muslims ?? ..... mmm again, any statistics on that, if yes then you have to go through the z-test, standard deviation etc ... better study data science for that. Islam is not about keeping it for yourself, Islam is conveying and preaching it within yourself first and acting as a muslim instead some muslims choose to behave like chameleons, they keep changing their colors and they end up either denying islam, or denying themselves, or denying their background, ...... their last option i would suggest them to go to the bled to sbitar al mhabil de blida.Yes, slavery is still permitted in Islam BUT Islam encourages the slaves owners to free them ... again here, we live on earth in 2015, we don't live on jupiter or the moon or 1400 years ago, you talk about slaves it is like they still exist.

Modern Muslims as in Muslims living in this time period. We have greater access to information than any other generation that has preceded us. This is a statistical FACT. More people can read and write and attain knowledge - there are Algerians with grandparents that are completely illiterate. You cannot deny this.This literacy has given us the opportunity to distinguish between cultural practice and religion and to question a lot more than the Muslims that have lived before us. That's why our FAITH is being tested. Even Hadith states that earlier Muslims would believe with greater conviction than the later ones.Slavery was just an example because I only just found out that Islam allows it - whether or not it was practiced 1400 years ago or today doesn't matter. It's the fact that the Holy Quran allows it. We cannot pick and choose which parts of the religion to accept.I do behave like a Muslim, not a chameleon (I don't drink or smoke or commit zina - I've even been to Hajj) but living in the West, you are constantly bombarded and questioned about your religion and beliefs that it is easier to just avoid explicitly stating it. May be you should check yourself into that sbitar because you obviously just want to turn this into an argument. I'm just expressing my opinion on a topic dz-chick posted.

"I keep it to myself though and not tell many people my religion so they don't question me about it." but why? is that bacause we don't have enough knowledge or not enough faith in what we know to be able to argue?

I certainly can't claim to know enough to convince anyone! I can't even convince myself anymore! I am purely going on motion power hoping to regain faith somehow! lol

Hi Djazairia fi Londres I guess you’re right in the middle of a religious crisis. But don’t worry my dear, we all have gone through this kind of questioning … and did we have the answer to our doubts? Would you ask? To be honest I don’t, but I can share my opinion and try to explain the way I went through this complicated staff to solve « the dilemmas » Among all the questions U’re asking, one seems central to me and deserves taking some time to try to fix. “Why is it so difficult and complicated to be a Muslim »?I think that time urges for all of us, so I’ll take some of mine to share my point of view as a man born Muslim about five decades ago in that country we all still cherish.

First of all, things haven’t always been like what they are today. In our youth, and that means in the 70’s, it was not that hard to be a Muslim. Why? Because Religion was not central in our life. We had moral, we had universal values, we had cultural values and “religious values” came rather last to complete the whole thing. I remember I was living in Algiers and restaurants used to be open for those who decided not to fast, and there were quite a bulk of them. In Bab Ezzouar’s University (1974), we even organised “Le Bal de début d’année”, boys and girls danced together and that seemed normal to us. I even remember once we went to “Les pins Maritime” buses full of strudents, we spent the night at a Music Concert and the “Bar” served beers as well as “Gazouze” and nobody complained but for the heat in the Hall where the music was taking place. I can give many examples of that kind just to point the differences with what “our country has become today”. Some would say we went back to our origins  I do agree we went “back” but to our origins I’m sceptical. The question should then be “ why is it so difficult and complicated to be a Muslim TODAY» and my answer is because Islam has become a political Ideology and out youth have decided to live their life the way they do, like a herd without wondering about their « freedom ». As for me, I feel free to decide whether I fast or not, I can even fast one day but not the day after if I don’t feel like it. I can pray some days and stop for the following until I feel the need to do it … As far as my behaviour doesn’t hurt my believes nor my morality hurts my neighbour’s. And my shoulders feel so light. Some would say I’m not a good Muslim but I don’t care. The only thing that would worry me is if somebody says I’m not a good father, or a good husband, with no morals … You know, I think we are all humans with our weaknesses, what’s important above all is not what the “Religious men” think of us, but that we lead our lives so as to lighten the burden many people would like to put over our shoulders. Best regards to you.

We are mainly Muslim because our ancestor were forced to convert to Islam by sword!!!! at the hand of the Arabs criminal invader at the time of ummayyads caliphate. The atrocities committed by the Arabs against the Berber was actually allowed in Islam back then and still allowed now in the hadith and the Koran. With more access to information and books about Islam, some people are starting to question the whole religion and weather Mohamed was actually a prophet or not!! dz bella if you find the real god please let me know as I've been looking for a long time for one ;)Ciao and god blessM

Actually, I was asking myself the same way you did.But, what I disagree with, is the whole tradition and things you're "forced" to do because of others opinions.I want to practice my religion, and don't care of others' gossips.For me the problem was the oppression more than the religion in itself.There are things in our religion that I totally understand, i totally agree with, so I respect them and it feeds my faith.But I think we can't totally understand Islam, because even if we do it, I think we will lie to ourselves in a way.I don't have enought knowledge of Islam sadly, but with what I know, I still think that our religion is good.And in a way I'm like Anonymous22 June 2015 at 15:26.

Nobody can judge our level of "Muslimness", to have a list of things that will grade us, but I prefer to be a Muslim who doesn't pray than a Muslim who cries it everywhere even if he f**k every girl, doen't respect his wife or whatever!Just because I have another way of living, another education.

It's hard to talk about religion. Sometimes, it comes for me as something so advanced that having a judgement on it! Religion doesn't limits itself to what is writen on the Koran, it deals also with our education, our culture.But I don't want anymore that Religion deals with tradition.Because I think it's better to practice because of our faith and not because of tradition.