So we're broke...

Hey girls I need some advice. My hubby and I have had some unforeseen expenses (big ones) lately and were trying to bounce back and build savings back up so today I go to deposit our checks and to my surprise we are looking at a previous balance of less than $10 in checking. I was shocked. I come home and get online and check the account and see that he eats out to at least lunch with his 2 buds from work every single day, and sometimes they do breakfast AND lunch. Hubby calls and I say hey we gotta talk about the eating out, I'm guilty too I make a run to the sandwich place probably every other week and offer to grab him a quick snack if I'm on the way home from work too often. He says 'for sure. You and I will stop eating out but you'll have to work the budget around those lunches cause that's a business expense.' I think oh cool so we'll be reimbursed by his company. He says no, it's just what they do so I need to make the mortgage and water bill and pg&e etc work around that because he isn't going to stop that. I asked why I get up and pack a lunch and make coffee every day sometimes at 4 am whether I work that day or not and he said that's a back up. So I said let me make sure I understand, I have to cut back, but you will keep spending both of our money to have burgers 5 days a week? He says yes. I say well that seems pretty selfish what if I needed to go buy prenatal vitamins or diapers or formula later and the money isn't there because you eat out every day and he said oh we'll make it work. I got upset and said well I don't wanna talk about it to him now because...I am about to say because I don't wanna fight and just to think about it but he interrupts and tells me to go **** myself and hangs up. I know this needs resolving, I just need a clear headed perspective as to how to approach since my hormonal brain obviously isn't working right. Sorry its so long and TIA

Hey girls I need some advice. My hubby and I have had some unforeseen expenses (big ones) lately and were trying to bounce back and build savings back up so today I go to deposit our checks and to my surprise we are looking at a previous balance of less than $10 in checking. I was shocked. I come home and get online and check the account and see that he eats out to at least lunch with his 2 buds from work every single day, and sometimes they do breakfast AND lunch. Hubby calls and I say hey we gotta talk about the eating out, I'm guilty too I make a run to the sandwich place probably every other week and offer to grab him a quick snack if I'm on the way home from work too often. He says 'for sure. You and I will stop eating out but you'll have to work the budget around those lunches cause that's a business expense.' I think oh cool so we'll be reimbursed by his company. He says no, it's just what they do so I need to make the mortgage and water bill and pg&e etc work around that because he isn't going to stop that. I asked why I get up and pack a lunch and make coffee every day sometimes at 4 am whether I work that day or not and he said that's a back up. So I said let me make sure I understand, I have to cut back, but you will keep spending both of our money to have burgers 5 days a week? He says yes. I say well that seems pretty selfish what if I needed to go buy prenatal vitamins or diapers or formula later and the money isn't there because you eat out every day and he said oh we'll make it work. I got upset and said well I don't wanna talk about it to him now because...I am about to say because I don't wanna fight and just to think about it but he interrupts and tells me to go **** myself and hangs up. I know this needs resolving, I just need a clear headed perspective as to how to approach since my hormonal brain obviously isn't working right. Sorry its so long and TIA

You sound very clear headed so don't worry about that. You know what it is: he doesn't want to look bad in front of the guys. And for some men (mine included) sometimes ego is stronger than anything else. Health experts and financial say bringing your own is the way to go. Could he maybe bring his own on Tues and Thurs? Or add more $ to replace what he's doing? Make sure you show him the numbers on paper in black and white. If he's not willing to change what else can be cut?

You sound very clear headed so don't worry about that. You know what it is: he doesn't want to look bad in front of the guys. And for some men (mine included) sometimes ego is stronger than anything else. Health experts and financial say bringing your own is the way to go. Could he maybe bring his own on Tues and Thurs? Or add more $ to replace what he's doing? Make sure you show him the numbers on paper in black and white. If he's not willing to change what else can be cut?

sit down and do a budget. what we did was write down all of our bills totaled it out and cut it in half (we are on one income) half comes out of each check and by the end of the month all the money for the next month is in the account. that includes diapers food rent utilities phone bill credit card and our little extras dh gives me cash and he gets cash what we do with it is our business. we have sack.ha set aside for emergencies and put an extra 300 in the bank every payday. once we did that we got ahead and actualy have more money than we expected and no more paycheck topaycheck living . all bill money is there before the first so much less stress. it takes a little while and the first month is tight but after that it was smooth sailing. we took a few days adding up all bills to make sure we remembered every little bill. even added in a 40 co pay out of every check for emergencies.

sit down and do a budget. what we did was write down all of our bills totaled it out and cut it in half (we are on one income) half comes out of each check and by the end of the month all the money for the next month is in the account. that includes diapers food rent utilities phone bill credit card and our little extras dh gives me cash and he gets cash what we do with it is our business. we have sack.ha set aside for emergencies and put an extra 300 in the bank every payday. once we did that we got ahead and actualy have more money than we expected and no more paycheck topaycheck living . all bill money is there before the first so much less stress. it takes a little while and the first month is tight but after that it was smooth sailing. we took a few days adding up all bills to make sure we remembered every little bill. even added in a 40 co pay out of every check for emergencies.

Ok so he came home and told me I'm so cut throat saying I don't see the point in getting up and making lunch and coffee etc anymore and that his compromise is that outside work me and him will stop eating out but the daily pizza/burgers/subs isn't going to change. He then suggested we split up our bank accounts more than once in the same convo and since my check was bigger today I'm thinking of doing just that and seeing how he fairs without me taking care of bills and budgets and without my paycheck. Too much too soon? Stop me if I'm jumping the gun like he is

Ok so he came home and told me I'm so cut throat saying I don't see the point in getting up and making lunch and coffee etc anymore and that his compromise is that outside work me and him will stop eating out but the daily pizza/burgers/subs isn't going to change. He then suggested we split up our bank accounts more than once in the same convo and since my check was bigger today I'm thinking of doing just that and seeing how he fairs without me taking care of bills and budgets and without my paycheck. Too much too soon? Stop me if I'm jumping the gun like he is

I would totally split it then add up your basic bills split it 50/50 and on the 1st (or what ever date) of the month he has to pony up the bill money(which you use to pay his half of the bills) and what he does with the rest is his business though I would ask that he save something in an emergency fund because emergency expenses should also be split bet he changes his tune in a month or two

I would totally split it then add up your basic bills split it 50/50 and on the 1st (or what ever date) of the month he has to pony up the bill money(which you use to pay his half of the bills) and what he does with the rest is his business though I would ask that he save something in an emergency fund because emergency expenses should also be split bet he changes his tune in a month or two

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

Honestly my husband told me to go **** myself when we were talking about money my reaction would be to split everything up, especially if he was blowing $200-$300 a month on food when i was packing his lunch. Thats almost our whole food budget for the month! I would also probably insist on him paying half for counseling too, because him cussing at me would be a serious indicator our marriage was not ok. You are not the irrational one here.

I don't think you are rushing into this. Seems fair. You are a saver and he is a spender. Therefore, split bills 50-50. See what happens. The problem is that if it's his share of the electric bill that is not being accrued, then your electricity would be cut too. Separate accounts is the way to go. The cursing on the other hand....hmmmm.

I don't think you are rushing into this. Seems fair. You are a saver and he is a spender. Therefore, split bills 50-50. See what happens. The problem is that if it's his share of the electric bill that is not being accrued, then your electricity would be cut too. Separate accounts is the way to go. The cursing on the other hand....hmmmm.

Your husband........told you to go f-ck yourself.........that's a big problem. As for the spending, I agree, split EVERYTHING 50/50. Take your checks and take out half the money for bills, diapers, food, etc. and tell him to do the same. I also agree with the counseling. That needs to be done fast. Most employers will offer some type of free counseling I think. You may want to check into it?

Your husband........told you to go f-ck yourself.........that's a big problem. As for the spending, I agree, split EVERYTHING 50/50. Take your checks and take out half the money for bills, diapers, food, etc. and tell him to do the same. I also agree with the counseling. That needs to be done fast. Most employers will offer some type of free counseling I think. You may want to check into it?

Ugh! In sorry but your DH sounds very selfish! I would not be ok with that.. My DH pays the majority of our bills (mortgage, car pymt, electricity, car/house insurance) with his pay check, and I pay some (water bill, cable, furniture pymt, phone, my work insurance, and food) with my pay checks.. Then what is left over gets put in checking and savings accounts.. But I'm sneaky, I set up my own savings account that he doesn't know about.. I put between $10-$20 a month in it, sometimes more if I can.. And the reason is because I want a nest egg for an emergency or vacation and I want to surprise him on how much I've saved.. I'd say maybe sit down with him and set up a budget to stick to.. And maybe even start your own little account.. A 'just in case' account.. Or...... Go out to lunch every day like he does and then see if he's still so eager to spend that $25-$30 bucks a week on himself!

Ugh! In sorry but your DH sounds very selfish! I would not be ok with that.. My DH pays the majority of our bills (mortgage, car pymt, electricity, car/house insurance) with his pay check, and I pay some (water bill, cable, furniture pymt, phone, my work insurance, and food) with my pay checks.. Then what is left over gets put in checking and savings accounts.. But I'm sneaky, I set up my own savings account that he doesn't know about.. I put between $10-$20 a month in it, sometimes more if I can.. And the reason is because I want a nest egg for an emergency or vacation and I want to surprise him on how much I've saved.. I'd say maybe sit down with him and set up a budget to stick to.. And maybe even start your own little account.. A 'just in case' account.. Or...... Go out to lunch every day like he does and then see if he's still so eager to spend that $25-$30 bucks a week on himself!

I would get separate accounts but I wouldn't split the bills in half because if he doesn't pony up his half, you will end up covering him. Instead, find a fair way to designate who pays what (you pay electric, he pays cable, you pay cell phone, he pays water, etc.). Give him the less important items like cable, that way if he doesn't pay and it gets shut off, it wouldn't be as bad as say the electric getting shut off. Hopefully he'll change his tune in a couple months or so!

I would get separate accounts but I wouldn't split the bills in half because if he doesn't pony up his half, you will end up covering him. Instead, find a fair way to designate who pays what (you pay electric, he pays cable, you pay cell phone, he pays water, etc.). Give him the less important items like cable, that way if he doesn't pay and it gets shut off, it wouldn't be as bad as say the electric getting shut off. Hopefully he'll change his tune in a couple months or so!

Id take all the money out of the account before lunch and wait for the phone call about his card getting declined. I deff wouldnt be getting up at 4am to make him food, thats costing you money too. Eating out is a fairly common thing to do though, maybe you could ask him to eat cheaper a few days a week, split a pizza with friends, dollar menu or whatever?

Id take all the money out of the account before lunch and wait for the phone call about his card getting declined. I deff wouldnt be getting up at 4am to make him food, thats costing you money too. Eating out is a fairly common thing to do though, maybe you could ask him to eat cheaper a few days a week, split a pizza with friends, dollar menu or whatever?

It is completely unfair for him to let you make his lunch everyday when he knows he is going out. Backup lunch could be a couple of cans if soup that will stay good until he needs them. Maybe eating out is an important part of the job. My job doesn't require me to eat out but if I do I can get more face time with bosses, more opportunity for the best assignments, and more help if necessary. At my job it is expected that you eat out and build relationships if you want to advance. Perhaps you should discuss with him the reason he considers the meals to be a business expense.

It is completely unfair for him to let you make his lunch everyday when he knows he is going out. Backup lunch could be a couple of cans if soup that will stay good until he needs them. Maybe eating out is an important part of the job. My job doesn't require me to eat out but if I do I can get more face time with bosses, more opportunity for the best assignments, and more help if necessary. At my job it is expected that you eat out and build relationships if you want to advance. Perhaps you should discuss with him the reason he considers the meals to be a business expense.

When my husband and I were dating and he first moved in with me, we set
up a joint account to pay for the household bills. We both put in equal
amounts from our paychecks which were direct deposited into our personal
bank accounts. Anything in our personal bank accounts is our money, but
we also pay for groceries from our own accounts. The joint account at
the time covered the mostly fixed bills like mortgage, cable, cell
phones, utilities, etc. Even with job changes and income increases,
we've continued to keep the joint house account for household bills plus
any household expenses like new furniture, tools, stuff for the yard,
etc. I keep a monthly budget spreadsheet to track our expenses which
helped me to figure out how much we could afford to put towards debt
each month from the house account as well as save for my unpaid
maternity leave this summer.

It's really worked out great for us
to have separate accounts. I can spend and budget my personal account
however I choose, paying for meals out and groceries roughly half the
time and spending what I want to when I have it on craft supplies,
decorations for the house, gifts for DH, etc, and he has to budget his
own personal account to afford his lunches out or toys or video games
that he wants. He was terrible at managing his money when we first met
which is part of why I didn't want all of our funds in the same account.
He used to overdraft every month, but now he keeps a better eye on his
money and has even started saving up in his own savings account.

I definitely can't imagine being in as good of a financial situation as we are now if we'd only had one bank account.

When my husband and I were dating and he first moved in with me, we set
up a joint account to pay for the household bills. We both put in equal
amounts from our paychecks which were direct deposited into our personal
bank accounts. Anything in our personal bank accounts is our money, but
we also pay for groceries from our own accounts. The joint account at
the time covered the mostly fixed bills like mortgage, cable, cell
phones, utilities, etc. Even with job changes and income increases,
we've continued to keep the joint house account for household bills plus
any household expenses like new furniture, tools, stuff for the yard,
etc. I keep a monthly budget spreadsheet to track our expenses which
helped me to figure out how much we could afford to put towards debt
each month from the house account as well as save for my unpaid
maternity leave this summer.

It's really worked out great for us
to have separate accounts. I can spend and budget my personal account
however I choose, paying for meals out and groceries roughly half the
time and spending what I want to when I have it on craft supplies,
decorations for the house, gifts for DH, etc, and he has to budget his
own personal account to afford his lunches out or toys or video games
that he wants. He was terrible at managing his money when we first met
which is part of why I didn't want all of our funds in the same account.
He used to overdraft every month, but now he keeps a better eye on his
money and has even started saving up in his own savings account.

I definitely can't imagine being in as good of a financial situation as we are now if we'd only had one bank account.

My dh is horrible with money and he eats out a lot and said he can't possibly take lunch to work. Part of why he didn't get it was that since I did the bills and always made compromises to cut corners, he never had to be accountable. I sat with him and did a budget. Basically We determined what he could afford to spend per week at work. So he gets a fixed amount for food every week. If he spends 1/2 of it in one day, that's on him. He has to work within the budget, and the best way I knew to do that was to give him 40 bucks so he could be definitely accountable for his spending. No debit cards, just cash.

My dh is horrible with money and he eats out a lot and said he can't possibly take lunch to work. Part of why he didn't get it was that since I did the bills and always made compromises to cut corners, he never had to be accountable. I sat with him and did a budget. Basically We determined what he could afford to spend per week at work. So he gets a fixed amount for food every week. If he spends 1/2 of it in one day, that's on him. He has to work within the budget, and the best way I knew to do that was to give him 40 bucks so he could be definitely accountable for his spending. No debit cards, just cash.

When my husband and I got married, we got a joint account and I had $120 from my check to be deposited into the account. I was the only one putting money in the account. Our daughter came along and he still wasn't saving money in our account. His money was always his and mine was mine. As long as the bills are being paid, which we go half on everything, he could spend his money on what he wants. He'll ask me for money here and there, but I say no depending on the amount. We just recently opened a credit union account and he just started to put it through as direct deposit. By splitting your money, he'll see how fast he's spending his money and maybe he'll realize it. Also, it would be smart to open an account for yourself to have money saved up. I have 4 accounts: checking, savings, and 2 joint accts. it's a smart way to save money. Good luck and don't take his crap!

When my husband and I got married, we got a joint account and I had $120 from my check to be deposited into the account. I was the only one putting money in the account. Our daughter came along and he still wasn't saving money in our account. His money was always his and mine was mine. As long as the bills are being paid, which we go half on everything, he could spend his money on what he wants. He'll ask me for money here and there, but I say no depending on the amount. We just recently opened a credit union account and he just started to put it through as direct deposit. By splitting your money, he'll see how fast he's spending his money and maybe he'll realize it. Also, it would be smart to open an account for yourself to have money saved up. I have 4 accounts: checking, savings, and 2 joint accts. it's a smart way to save money. Good luck and don't take his crap!

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