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Superhero Scramble

Even if you insist on dressing like Forge, the X-Man who was really good at building stuff from other stuff, and having a pornstache, you’ve gotta enter Superhero Scramble, a 4-mile, extreme-obstacle-packed race challenging everyone "from the biggest couch potato to the most extreme athlete”, so if you owned a No Fear shirt at some point, you’re good to go. The dirty

You can compete solo or as a team, and dudding up in superhero gear's both highly encouraged and highly rewarded, with prizes from World of Beer, Smart for Life, and Evolution Fitness, so that’s a Darwin-win.

25 obstacles include muddy crawls under barbed wire, scaling wood walls, and battling your way through giant-pad-toting Marines. And don’t forget the tire pyramid, fire-jumping, and the "Leap of Faith", which’s where Steve Martin makes you wear that shiny jacket and talk about God a massive water dive.

If you can't complete an obstacle, prepare yourself for Super Spins, for which you've gotta pop your forehead on a stick and spin 10 times. You will find this is considerably less fun while not drinking.

Expect You Can’t Do That On Television-levels of slime, including on the crazily long "Slime Slide" and the "Slip 'n Slime", which was only named that because Crocodile Mile doesn’t make for good slime puns.

Think you're a real superhero? Well, someone was clearly hugged too much as a child. But you can still throw in an extra $30 for a shot at winning up to $3K if you’re the top finisher.

Everyone gets a free t-shirt (sadly not from No Fear), so they can look exactly like everyone else at a post-race shindig with live music, food, and free beer, helping you to Forge a relationship, but only with the chick in the Jubilee outfit.