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Happily married mommy of 1 with no plans for any additions. Loving every crazy, scary, fun, hilarious, frustrating, amazing minute of parenthood and life in general. I live in Portland, OR and have a great job that I would very much like to keep.

And then there’s the Super Why gang. I swear that pig says “liggideze ledders!” And I THINK he’s saying ‘look at these letters!’

DH and I were getting ready for work the other day and the obligatory PBS programming was playing in the background and he turned to me and said “why does that fairy say ‘KWANZA’!? I never hear anything else about it – she just yells ‘KWANZA’ and then doesn’t provide any information about the holiday.” After some careful listening, we determined that Princess P is actually saying “Wands Up!” *sigh*

Little kids watch this stuff. If I have no idea what they’re saying, do the kids?! Oh well, I’m not really complaining. PBS rules in my book. They have great, quality programming and it’s a community effort. But still…can we PLEASE get some speech therapists on board here? I wonder what they would have to say…

Oh – and P.S. I think we need a movement to halt May’s drug habit…she is supposed to be stoned…right? 😉

The ‘Sid the Science Kid’ show on PBS should officially change its name to the “YOU SHOULD TOTALLY GET THE SWINE FLU SHOT IF AVAILABLE IN YOUR AREA AS WELL AS THE SEASONAL FLU SHOT AND DON’T FORGET TO WASH YOUR HANDS” show.

Last week, DH and I began to notice a theme in programming. Every single episode was about being healthy – eating right, brushing your teeth, sneezing into your elbow, and, most importantly, washing your hands. Every day Sid and his pals dance around, sing songs about, and investigate being healthy.

Today, they took it to a new level.

Today they actually sang ‘The Vaccination Song.’ I’m not at all kidding. And remember how the kids would say “Hey! There’s teacher Suzy!” and then Suzy would sing “It’s rug time – take a seat…” while the kids ran into the school-house and sat down? Well today, they said “There’s teacher Suzy!” then promptly ran over to the hand washing trough to run their hands under the water while singing their ABC’s.

Later in the show, Sid’s grandma, who is a nurse, came to school to give them a flu vaccination. That was when they sang “The Vaccination Song” which included lyrics like “it only hurts for a little bit” and “I’m doing my part” and “if I don’t get sick then I won’t get her sick.”

They pushed this episode out quicker than the CDC has been able to produce vaccinations! I understand that Obama declared the Swine Flu a national emergency last Friday night. That was scary. This show was absolutely terrifying. It’s like we’re being hit with the bubonic plague. I am scared to death. And for those parents who have kids that can understand the show…how do you explain to them that there just aren’t enough vaccinations to go around right now?!

If they are doing this hard-core press on kids, then as parents, what should we be doing? DH and I have had our seasonal flu vaccinations but swine flu vacs are not available. We’ve vaccinated Pineapple for both the seasonal and swine flu but is that enough? I think not.

Do they make face masks in 1 year-old sizes? Ones that they wouldn’t immediately remove? What if I get the swine flu?! I seriously spent about 30 minutes lying awake in the middle of the night last night wondering what would happen to Pineapple if DH and I contracted got the swine flu. This is some scary crap.

DH and I also had a disagreement this weekend about sanitary habits. We went out for a stroll in the neighborhood and stopped in the coffee shop for a drink. When we left, I squirted both of us with Purell. We then made our way down the street to the consignment shop. As we neared the area, I turned to DH and said “there is a play area in this store – Pineapple is not to play there or touch anything.” DH stared at me. When I asked why, he informed me that he didn’t think it was fair that Pineapple can’t play if she wants. My response? “Well, I dont’ think it’s fair that as her parents we would potentially risk her health by exposing her to germs that could cause her to become seriously ill – so she can’t touch anything in that play area!” I followed this declaration with more hand sanitizer for both of us and a hand wipe down with a wipey for Pineapple. (Mind you, we’d not even made it into the store yet and were still on the sidewalk, strolling.) DH stared again. When I asked why, he said that he didn’t think that was any kind of life for a Pineapple and informed me that I’m not just a ‘Helicopter Mom,’ I’m a military hybrid helicopter mom that shoots Purell from my automatic weapons.

Well, media…you win. I am terrified. I’ve completely changed my family’s way of life. Pineapple isn’t allowed to touch anything in public. My hands are cracked from all of the washing and sanitizing. We’re not participating in any Halloween activities this weekend for fear of contracting a virus. Happy now?! Are you?!

Oh – and where has all of this sanitation gotten me? I have a cold. A yucky one. And my throat itches. I officially hate germs, pigs and birds. In that order. And in my house? It’s WAR on germs. I’m just afraid that play time will be a casualty.

Every morning, DH and I grab Pineapple from her bed and we pile into ours for some snuggle, cuddle, hug and play family time before we all have to head out to work and daycare school. When this begins, we usually turn on PBS and let it play in the background.

Until recently, the show line up was Reading Rainbow at 6:30, Curious George at 7:00, and Sid The Science Kid (squee!) at 7:30. We were satisfied with this line up. Then they had to go and KILL Reading Rainbow! ugh. *pout* So we had to accept the fact that Between the Lions would now be on at 6:30. (OK, don’t tell….but I really, really like Between the Lions…I mean, Gawain’s Word?! Cliff hanger?!..priceless.Shhhhh.)

So the other day we were piled up on the bed and the Curious George intro began to play. I was happily singing along and shaking little Pineapple’s booty to the beat when DH said the most interesting thing:

DH: I don’t think the man with the yellow hat should be called “the man with the yellow hat”….I think he should be called “the man with infinite patience.”

Me: OK, I’ll bite – why is that?

DH: Are you kidding me?! George is a menace! I mean he broke some dude’s sailboat mast the other day! WTHell?! And he gets lost all the time. And the guy has to go find him. One day, I’d just be like “ohhhh…George is lost…ohhhh…hmmm…ok.” And then I’d go home and change my clothes and my hat and be “the man with the blue hat” and George would never be able to find me. And I’d just talk about how my poor monkey I used to have got lost.

Me: Wow. So you’d just abandon him because he’s difficult?

DH: Abandon my ass…that monkey is ALWAYS running away. I wouldn’t so much abandon him as just maybe not look quite so hard for him until I just sort of wasn’t really looking at all.

Me: But I think the man with the yellow hat kinda needs George. I mean, the yellow hat dude can’t be the brightest star in the sky if a monkey has to help him solve problems all the time. For example, a couple of weeks ago, the man with the yellow hat hurt his hands and George was the one that came up with the idea of taping things to the wrappings so that the guy could get things done. If George hadn’t thought of it, I’m pretty sure the yellow hat guy would still be sitting there whining about the fact that he couldn’t type on his computer.

Some random thoughts I’ve been having…thought I would share…because it’s Thursday….duh….you’re welcome.

Starting to think that Sid the Science Kid is filmed/shot/whatever in Canada because on the episode this morning, during which the overly cheerful kids were studying birds’ nests, the teacher referred to a popsicle stick as a “frozen pop stick.” Have never heard that term…ergo, must be foreign…like from Canada. Ay.

Oh and STSK’s dad maaaay be crazy. Just sayin.’ I keep waiting for him to act like a nutjob in front of grandma and for her to kick his ass – cause she rules. Then Sid and the others could do a whole show on family conflict. Mwah-ah-ah. (Maybe this is why I don’t write kids’ shows.)

Oh – and sorry to continue the STSK theme but this needs to be said….Dear PBS, can you guys please rotate in some more dances for those kids…I have these memorized. Thanks! Pineapple’s Mom.

And speaking of, am PISSED OFF that PBS changed its lineup and has been showing some LAME show aimed at parents trying to teach their kids to read instead of Reading Rainbow. I don’t want that show at 6:30AM – I want a bunch of badly dressed children telling my infant all about some obscure book that they loved and why! Damn it!

Starting your day with a visit to the dentists sucks. And I did it twice this week.

Following up your dentist appointment with a grande sugar-free vanilla, soy latte and a pumpkin scone (in order to blow the whole “sugar-free” drink out of the water) is an dollar investment. I deem it so.

Pineapple is big. She used to be little. While I’m grateful that she’s growing and healthy, I’m sad cause it means she’s not teensy anymore. (And this is honestly a whole other post – which will appear tomorrow on the occasion of Pinapple’s first birthday.)

Pineapple is GRUMPY! She doesn’t get her way, and she goes all limp noodle. WTF is THAT about?! Have a distinct feeling that she will become comfortable in corners. We shall see.

I’m exhausted. I’m so freakin’ tired and exhausted and just done. So I’m super thankful that today is my Friday. HOORAY! (Funny side note – told the S-bux – yes, s-bux, get over it – barista this morning to have a good weekend. I bet she had a chuckle at my immenent disappointment. Well, jokes on her! HAHAHAAhahahhaaa…yeah, that’s all me.)

Swine flu scares me. And the fact that flu season is already going in PDX and we won’t have vaccinations until October is terrifying. I could care less if I get swine flu…but Pineapple is an entirely different matter. And I feel silly for this fear because nobody around me seems to be as worried. *sigh*

I still find the Lada Gaga thing shocking. (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then Google it – I can’t post it here because my dad reads this site, likes her music – he is soooo funny! – and thinks she’s pretty..this would devistate his sense of machismo – and that would be tragic.) And I still love her and love her music and I seriously don’t get what the big deal is. I mean, seriously – who CARES?!

Why the hell is Michael Jackson not in the ground yet? Anybody? U-huh…

Oh – and that chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials died. Sad. Hopefully not from TB food because that would not be good…for me…not that I eat that stuff! Just would be bad.

Am beginning to realize that none of my concerns are serious. Not too upset about that.

OK – I could do this all day but I need to wrap up here. I am a very busy woman. Very. Busy. (LOL! HAHAHAhaha. No, seriously. Busy.)