I can't fully enjoy the PS3 without an ample supply of hookers and blow. How does that figure into your Reaganomics? - MegaStryker

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see. - Alice from Alice in Wonderland; the greatest book ever written

Best thing about those cards are how bad the pun/product writing is. "I only have Snake Eyes for you." "You've Duke'd it out with my heart and now I'm yours to command." "I have a Cobra Commander in my pants." - sheppy

How to read a review without being pissed off:1. Decide prematurely whether the game is balls, or the second coming of flying spaghetti monster.2. Go to www.metacritic.com and search for the game.3. If flying spaghetti monster, click on first link. If balls, scroll to the end and click on the last link.4. You should now be sitting and staring at a review you agree with.5. Complement reviewer on such a well thought out and non biased review.-BlackSunEmpire-

That's because WWI was a pretty low-budget project, it was mostly about the story of soldiers in trenches and lay-low tactics, the sequel WWII, was really the bomb, with millions of dollars invested on it and top notch action sequences. - adrianboy

I think booze is a pretty cool guy. eh keeps me from doing the recaps on time and doesn't afraid of anything. - Pendleton21

Everyone else tolerates it because you're an attractive woman, I find that quite shallow. - Mousse420

*NOTE: I like that quote because at least I know if everyone is going to assume I'm female at least I'm attractive. Call me.

I was able to cause my child to fall into a well of depression after shattering his tailbone by horribly failing the see-saw QTE at the park three times in a row. Then I tried to cheer him up by buying him candy, but picked the one flavor he didn't like. It was like reliving my own childhood.

11/10.

GOTY.-SuitcoatAvenger-

Xzyliac: @punisher898 Score! I wonder if Cyndi Lauper and Lady GaGa hang out together. #ponders
punisher898 (aka Occams Electric Toothbrush): @Xzyliac: I bet if they do its like the best Folger's coffee commercial ever.

That's awesome. Hollywood writers are the best! I had one make me an iced latte the other day. It was totally adequate!-Jumbo

Uno just brings out the animals in all of us. It's just too sexy of a game.-Sanious

Xzyliac, shut up, you\'re not cool. -Fear No Darkness

*NOTE: I would like to note that later on I explained myself to Fear No Darkness and he totally sent me an apologetic PM. He's a classy fella whom I'd love to share a drink with sometime.

If you've never had promiscuous thoughts about a Dreamcast then you're not a gamer.-GoldenGamerXero

A while back (on my birthday no less) my good friend RonBurgandy2010 demanded I make a new mash-up blog. Well...here ya go.

1. Walk Close To Me

Artist: The Bangles vs. The Cure

Let's start things off smooth shall we? I love this mash-up. It never ceases in making me feel good all over and even better you can't really ask for much better quality.

Enjoy:

2. Sandopolis Inc.

Artist: Gorillaz vs. Hiroshi Kubota

I never saw this coming in a million years. The first time I wasn't too impressed but it really has grown on me. Especially after Plastic Beach came out and I started drawing similarities to the the 16-bit tunes of Sonic and the crew with the direction Plastic Beach went into.

Apprécier:

3. Get It On My Mind

Artist: Marvin Gaye vs. The Pixies

How can you not like this!? I swear! Okay, so maybe the quality if a little iffy and the drums are a little awkward but it just sounds so good and infectious. This is another that I hated, mainly because the sound quality is so bleh, but I braced it once and I haven't been able to get it out of my head since.

genießen:

4. Back to Life

Artist: Amy Winehouse vs. Stevie Wonder

Oh, Amy Winehouse. I'm so legitimately scared of you, yet I admire you so. And there's another guy in this mash-up too. He's okay too, I guess. Seriously, though this mash-up is awesome. Back to Black has been put to a lot of blues and old R&B but for my money this is the best thus far.

Disfrutar:

5. Go It Alone Mercedes

Artist: Beck vs. Janis Joplin

You read that right. A mash-up with Janis F. Joplin. You're welcome.

Gustare:

6. Somebody Told Me Hollaback

Artist: The Killers vs. Gwen Stefani

Wow, how did this slip past the DJ Hero Hollaback Girl lovefest? It's actually really good. Apart the songs are okay but together I can learn to love them both.

Njuta av:

7. Shout "I'm Not Your Toy"

Artist: La Roux vs. Tears for Fears

I was soo close to featuring this the first time and now here it is. Some people say La Roux sounds 80s-ish. I still don't see it.

Njouy

8. The Good, The Bad, Erase, Rewind

Artist: The Cardigans vs. Ennio Morricone

This mix is a bit subtle (if you ask me, others have said different) but I think it really works well.

Genieten:

9. 99 Scar Tissue Problems

Artist: Jay-Z vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers

First I will put the rumours to rest. Yes, I like Jay-Z. Not all of Jay-Z but a lot of his songs definitely stick out in mainstream hip-hop even if the radio tries to kill them by playing them every other song. I urge everyone though to give this mash-up a listen. It's such a clean mash-up with some high caliber quality as well.

Ham:

10. I'm Only Happy In The Ring

Artist: Garbage vs.Jurassic 5

Why is it that every time J5 get remixed with something I never know what J5 song it is? Aw, fuck it. Garbage gets a lot of mash-up action but in my opinion it usually has very bad results. I can't tell you the number of times I've heard bad I Think I'm Paranoid mash-ups. This one I think ispretty damn good though. It's certainly not as unique or special as a good mash-up can be but I like it.

3nj0y:

Bonus track: The Joker's 21 Guns

Artist: Steve Miller Band vs. Green Day

Let's go out on a good note. Not a big fan of either band but it sounds too good to ignore.

In joi:

---------
The best thing about the last track? You can download it right from the player. I might actually start using that player next time I do a mash-up blog.

There comes a time in every human being's life when everything is changed radically. Everything you ever once knew has been blown into bits, the bits have been smashed into dust, the dust particles have been radiated into oblivion, and what now stands before you is a beautiful work of art. A painting painted with the brush strokes of brillance and the paints of epiphany. You never really know what it is that will set off this chain of events. It could be something as somber as the death of a loved one, as dangerous and brutal as a violent act thrusted upon you, or as moving and captivating as knowing you've found your true love. And of course all that lies in between. It can happen as a child, a teen, an adult, even as a babe. It can happen anywhere as well. On a bus, in your home, in your dreams, in a crowd, or all alone. For a second, for an hour, for years, or for a lifetime. Somewhere, someplace, somehow, your life will change forever.

That day, for me, was today. At 12:00 PM on the dot, in the San Jacinto building of the downtown Houston Community College campus Rm. 327 where I watched, nay experienced, the cinematic epic Gracie's Choice.

Not unlike Mr. Sterling's obsession with Deadly Premonition Gracie's Choice is a film so incredibly bad it's fucking adorable. However unlike Deadly Premonition Gracie's Choice totally expects you take it seriously which is just makes it that much more absurd. I'm getting ahead of myself though.

Gracie's Choice is a Lifetime original movie which should already preface how low budget this film is. And like most Lifetime movie's it stars a respected actress long before she actually deserved it. Enter, playing the role of main character Gracie Thompson, Kristen Bell. Bell stars alongside a laundry list of actors and actresses who I can't really say are "bad" but I can definitely say certainly aren't trying. In every "emotional" scene all I could see in the expressions on their faces were "I'm not getting paid nearly enough for this farce." Bell is accompanied by several B-level actors (and people who I swear they just picked off the street) including Shedrack Anderson III of Hook fame, and that chick from that terrible 90s flick we like to pretend was memorable I Know What You Did Last Summer, Anne Heche as the mother. I can say this much about the cast though: everybody is smokin' hot. Seriously I think the casting director easily said "Screw it. Just hire whoever's hot," because with maybe the exception of Grandma and the kids (the kids are cute but I'm not a pedo) I'd probably do everybody in this movie. Fuckin' A!

10/10 for eye candy.

The actually plot of the movie is simple enough Lifetime fodder with a twist. The movie follows the true life story of Gracie (names have been changed) as she fights to keep her brothers and sisters together while protecting them from the dangers her drug addict mother brings into their lives. Eeventually the mother is jailed and it's up to Gracie to raise her little brothers and sisters all while juggling grades, a job, and the heart of her love interest Tommy. Of course Gracie is a independent womenz so she can do anything, and everything, at the some time. Probably while performing heart surgery too. Oh, and the twist? FUCKING EVERYBODY IN THIS MOVIE IS EVIL! With the exception of Gracie and the kids everybody in this film is a bitch out to ruin Gracie. I'm not gonna ruin any plot twist (and there are some...okay one) but everybody in this movie is fucking evil. It's like the writers took the "All men are evil," template Lifetime gave them and cranked it up to 11. This movie is proof that nobody can be trusted. Not even Grandma!

One of these people is an ass. The answer? ALL OF THEM!

The actual writing of the movie is pretty cheesy as well. Every once in a while you get a good burn but really it's just a lot of overly dramatic bullshit. I swear this movie is so poorly acted and so unneccessarily intense you will punch all of your loved ones before the credits roll. From beginning to end there's nothing but girls crying, girls screaming, girls beating up each other, girls calling each other names, I never knew there was so much tension in the female jungle! Everything is a moment with these ladies! Is life supposed to be this dramatic!? Clearly I'm doing it wrong!

Which isn't to say the script writing doesn't have it's holes to let the light shine through which is one of the reasons I love it. When the script shines it shines. Some of those one liners? Classy as fuck.

Example: Rowena [mother]: I should send you to hell! | Gracie: I was born in hell!

DDDAAAYYYUUUMMNNN!!!

Almost everything about Gracie's Choice glows F-A-I-L. The acting (especially), the music, the writing everything. So why do I love it? I don't know! It's just so bad it's good and as it continues to dig itself deeper and deeper I love it more and more. As Gracie and her love interest grow closer and the lines get more and more teeth grinding the more I want to watch to see just how bad it can truly get.

Before you ask; yes. Every adult male in this movie does is in fact a sex driven douche.

Which isn't to say it doesn't have it's positives. If you've ever taken a film analysis class you will finally find a film worth your analytical eye. There is a ton of symbolism, alliteration, and foreshadowing in this movie. At least one of these writers was trying to make a good movie because the literary techniques are excellent. For example, a constant theme throughout the movie is an affinity for stray animals both dogs and cats. It's obvious the animals represent the children, never painfully obvious, but always playfully obvious. They sneak little bits in that hint at it. For example when Gracie and her little sister are talking about the abuse they've been through they mention the abuse one of the dogs they leave behind in the beginning of the film had been through at the hands of one of their former fathers. It's not a segue though. It's kind of just thrown at you in the blink of an eye. Little bits of literary techniques like that actually make the film really fucking cool. Whoever put that stuff in there is a genious and almost carried anything positive the movie has going for it all by themselves.

And the movie does mix things up I have to say. In between all the drama are happy moments that really will put a smile on your face and halfway through you have to be a real heartless bitch to not be rotting for Gracie. I don't know why but I found myself totally into it. Maybe it's me but I was captivated.

Seriously the best predictable ending ever.

All in all Gracie's Choice is a terrible, terrible, terrible, movie even by Lifetime movie standards. The acting will frustrate you, the writing will haunt you, the plot will make a mockery of your intelligence, and the environment the film puts on will jerk your heart from depression to joy and back down again with no in bewteen. It will rape your idea of how bad a movie can be and the only thing that will keep your eyes from bleeding is that Kristen Bell is actually pretty hot (short hair FTW).

And somehow in the midst of all this I found myself loving every second of it. The film, unlike most good bad movies, actually does take itself seriously but that doesn't ruin it somehow and for that I applaud whoever the hell directed this wonderfully polished turd of a film. If you enjoy lovably terrible movies, can laugh off exagerrated drama and crying women, and you're a sucker for film analysis this film is right up your alley. It's a niche audience for sure but it's a rabid audience nonetheless.

Hey oh! So remember that PAX East contest we had? Man, I had epic plans for that. For cocktease purposes I'm not gonna go into detail but I did write a song, and I did collaborate with one RenegadePanda, and I did promise to post the remnants of that failed project right here.

It's an okay song, I think there's a hiccup in the guitar work around the third chorus. I used my little brothers guitar and mini-amp which didn't have nearly the quality I wanted but it did okay. No real complex or rich sounds but it's quick and got the job done.

The real reason I'm uploading it is because Panda's artwork is brilliant as always. Funny, smart without being self-indulgent, and full of fun little details. Keep doin' whatchu do Panda.

The story is basically technology refused to work with me. I had borrowed a camera which stopped reading SD cards and my cell phone was being really buggy whenever I tried to upload the video. It's pretty much in line with my history with technology.

What kind of loyal DToid community member would I be if I didn't show some birthday love?

Unlike a lot of the really well known DToiders I actually haven't been here that long. I've known about DToid for about 2 years. I made my first post last July and I officially considered myself a "member" in October when I began blogging fo' realz. However in that time I've managed to make some really good friends here, have some ridiculously awesome conversations, and generally found myself enjoying video games again.

When I joined Destructoid it was because I wanted to get back into the hobby I left almost 6 years ago. DToid has made the process of getting back in even more memorable then when I first got into gaming in the first place. Seriously all of you guys, all of the editors included, have made me feel so welcomed I really can't imagine myself anywhere else.

Thank you all you sexy studs and studesses! Happy 4th Destructoid! All you bitches is timeless!

Now I don't normally news post, and I am quite enjoying watching Memetoid, but I thought this was...interesting...so why the hell not?

From Kotaku:"At the big Final Fantasy XIII launch at the HMV store in London, fans show their disapproval of the prospect of winning a free Xbox 360 bundle. Really guys?

Gary from The Koalition was on hand at the big London Final Fantasy launch, where hardcore Final Fantasy fans nearly booed presenter Alex Zane off the stage as he announced a prize that, in my opinion at least, anyone would be happy to receive.

Is a multi-platform Final Fantasy really that bad?

I mean hell, Square Enix has been working on the game for what, five years? When you put that much time, effort, and money into one game, you have every right to release it on as many platforms as humanly possible. I suppose you have the right to boo the company's decision, but treating it as some sort of betrayal is just silly."

From the original source The Koalition:"This past Tuesday I was present at the Final Fantasy XIII launch party in London Oxford Circus, in which the producer Yoshinori Kitase and art director Isamu Kamikokuryo were present. Before the signings were held from the producer and art director, they held a competition on stage. When the presenter Alex Zane announced that the prize was an Xbox 360 Final Fantasy bundle, the whole crowd erupted with boo’s. Keep in mind that the crowd was full of nothing but hardcore Final Fantasy fans."

Tourist History is one of those albums that has been catching more and more steam as it’s come down the pipeline. Magazines, polls, and blogs have been hyping it up, snazzy music videos have been making their way around the web, and it seemed like the boys from Ireland who call themselves Two Door Cinema Club may be joining the ranks of Franz Ferdinand in electropop glory.

Before we address that we have to get to the nitty gritty first. Tourist History is not the most challenging album in the world. It doesn’t ask you to join it on a symphony of grandeur. The 30-minute long album is composed entirely of quick tracks that play it safe. You’ve got your indie guitar, your catchy bass, your heavy drums, synth, and your high pitched singer. There’s really not much more to elaborate on. That’s the first thing I personally noticed. The tracks were blazing by in pretty rapid pace. It doesn’t work against the album at all but I can see how it could be easily criticized as lazy.

The actual composition of every track is also pretty by the books. You’re not gonna find many complicated hooks or layers here. What you are gonna find is a hell of a lot of atmosphere and personality crammed into every song. Say what you will about these snippets of music but they are composed extremely well. While some tracks do bog themselves down with repetition the sound is very electropop and the occasional tempo break is made all the more memorable for it.

The biggest fault of the album is the lyrical content and it gave me quite a few chuckles. They’re just really cheesy. They don’t say much and frankly they’re not remotely good. I mean not even passable for pop. I facepalmed quite a few times. Granted on an album like this lyrical content is not the biggest selling point but it’s hard to ignore the lyrics when your singer is trying so hard to deliver the message of your music.

However the music is delivered pretty well. Overall the album succeeds at what it tries to do. My problem is it only succeeds at that. It doesn’t really deliver much more than Saturday night background noise. I can’t think of anyone who I would recommend it to as an album to just sit in your car and jam to. It’s a decent enough album but it just can’t serve up the musical gold like Ferdinand or NYPC. It is a shame too because the hype was really behind it if that’s your scene.

This week I was biting at the bit for some good music. After the disappointment that was Tourist History I began looking around for something to lift my spirits and keep me occupied until next week’s onslaught of amazing albums. In my search I found Tunng’s latest release, …And Then We Saw Land.

First things first, as always, we’re gonna delve into first impressions. The first track, Hustle, is probably the most appropriate opening track I have heard for any album in a long time. It perfectly sets the mood for the entire album with an incredible array of strings, synth, African percussion, and a choir of smooth voices that paint a wonderful palette of emotions. Words cannot express how good I felt about the rest of the album after hearing that first track. That’s one of the first things I noticed.

Every individual track on the album is composed just as well as the first with special usage of electronica elements sprinkled in to add an extra bit of kick to each song. It really helps bring out a unique flavor in every track and doesn’t ever feel unnecessary or overplayed like some electronic experiments do. That’s something I have to commend the artists for doing in particular. In an album like Couples by The Long Blondes for example the group, in my opinion, often fell into the trap of using special electronica elements where the typical four-man rock setup would’ve done just fine. The result was they would drown their fantastic pop style with pointless bits of fluff. It was like having a delicious basket of fries with just a little too much salt. What Tunng does to their advantage with their special brand of folk is they make it so the sounds are so subtle, and yet so flavorful, that it’s difficult to imagine the songs without those little synth or loop bits. It’s such a tiny detail with such a powerful effect.

Helping to make an already incredible album all the better, the lyrics of Tunng are the stuff poets dream of. Here’s a taste:

A trick of the light, a turn of the tideA rift in a valley, full moon in JulyRed summer sun mourning, a cold April sky,That lonely October, so cruel to deny.

A Wish for a fountain lost in the windA kick from a new life about to beginA south facing island that floods in the springWill call to October new life, it will bring-October

Every track on …And Then We Saw Land is filled with this beautiful poetry. The imagery, allegory, and drama that each piece brings with it reminds folk listeners why they enjoy the genre to begin with. Even if the music doesn’t interest you I cannot imagine anyone who could read some of these lyrics and not be impressed at the least.

So finally does the album do justice to the parts that construct it? Yes. A boldfaced yes. Tunng’s …And Then We Saw Land recaptures one of the great lost arts of music: consistency. The album is consistently taking you on new journeys without tugging you around or demanding some harsh change of pace. However it isn’t repetitive either. Like any journey the album is full of tempo changes and sound changes that recapture your attention every time. With this consistency behind it’s already magnificent composition and a strong presentation Tunng’s …And Then We Saw Land cannot do wrong to anyone who will appreciate it.