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Still No Happy Ending

Written by Alex Pinfold

Darcie stared in through the big glass window of the café. She looked at the chair on which Duncan had sat before walking out of her life forever. Now her life was full of new challenges, starting with how to live it without him. She did not feel the rain hitting her head and clothes, slowly soaking through her and penetrating her soul, though she could see it running in rivers down the glass in front of her. A tear mixed with the rain running down her face, but was outnumbered and washed away. Darcie felt like the tear. Lost and meaningless. The chill that shook her body as the freezing rain stuck her clothes to her body awakened her. The chair and table in the café were still there, but there was no Duncan and nor would there ever be, at least not with her. The thought of another woman sitting at that table with her former beloved boyfriend, even fiancé when he had told her to sell the ring on eBay if she had wanted to, made Darcie’s heart bound in her chest and she turned away in anger and disgust. Walking through the rain to the bus stop, Darcie checked her pockets and found the two pounds she needed for the bus fare. That was all there was. No coat, no money and no hope. Perhaps she could go somewhere for a new start? London or Paris or the Caribbean, or maybe just Inverkip for now. The bus stopped and opened the doors, Darcie handing the driver the last of her money. The windows covered in adverts and condensation, but Darcie did not want to look out. There was nothing to look at any longer. As the bus drove away, Darcie realised that she did not even know if it was the bus home. Then she realised that she did not even care. What was home anyway, without Duncan? As the bus moved on, travelling forwards to somewhere new, Darcie realised that she must move on too. Just not today.

The End

Jane closed the lid of her laptop computer and spun around on her swivel chair. The last chapter still needed to be checked over, but Tom could do that when he got home. That was an advantage for a writer being in a relationship with her publisher. His day was never done! Looking at her watch, Jane was surprised to see that it was only early afternoon, the grey skies and heavy rain splattering against the windows making the day feel much later. It was too early for a celebratory drink then. ‘Whatever’, thought Jane, as she could always have another when Tom got home. There was a bottle of red in the bedroom, so Jane got up and, pushing the door open in front of her, went into their room. She yelled involuntarily as she almost walked straight into the figure standing on the other side of the door. The woman was young, with a soft, pale complexion and dark hair, and she was striking a pose with a hand on one hip and a tilt of the head that could at best be described as unimpressed, at worst as furious.

“What are you doing here?!” demanded Jane, recognising her heroine, Darcie, immediately.“What do you call this?!” demanded Darcie, holding up the last chapter on several sheets of paper.“How…” stammered Jane, “how did you… I haven’t even printed the last chapter yet!”“What is wrong…” said Darcie softly, Jane detecting a calm air of menace; “what is wrong with writing a nice, simple, happy ending? I could go to see a film with friends, maybe?”“You don’t have any friends” replied Jane“I know!!” shouted Darcie; “why don’t I have any friends? Because you make them all go off with other people I don’t like, or commit suicide by jumping in the Clyde in January, or move to Ardrossan!”“Bleak is better” said Jane, “sadness is a kind of happy for deeper people”“Write something shallow then” retorted Darcie; “a nice, shallow happy ever after”“Oh no…” argued Jane, “I am not writing a bad book just for your happy ending!”“…” Darcie was lost for words; “I can’t even answer that right now. Just follow me”“Where to?” asked Jane; “don’t say chapter three, because I don’t want to go there…”“Some of us had to” said Darcie; “get your brolly, we’re going out. Need to show you something”

Jane pulled a pair of shoes over her brightly coloured stockings, straightened her trousers, added a jacket over her yellow blouse, and picked up her umbrella and keys before following Darcie outside the studio flat she shared with Tom Duval. The front door led directly on to a quiet side street. Before Jane even had a chance to push the umbrella open, both it and the keys were snatched from her grasp by Darcie and hurled back into the studio. Jane yelled again and pulled the cloth jacket tighter as Darcie slammed the door shut and pulled up the hood on a warm weatherproof jacket that Jane was positive her creation had not been wearing a moment ago.

“Why have you just locked me out of the flat in the rain?” demanded Jane; “Give me your coat!”“Why do you want my coat?” asked Darcie, smiling cruelly at her author; “it isn’t real, is it?”“I don’t know…” said Jane; “I suppose not. So, what now? Where are we going?”“Just to the coffee shop where you go with Tom” explained Darcie“But that’s miles away!” cried Jane; “I’m getting soaked through here!”“Out in the rain, no proper clothes, no money left…” frowned Darcie; “I’ve seen that somewhere…”“Okay” sighed Jane, “show me whatever, then let me back in before I get pneumonia”

The coffee shop was a couple of miles away from the studio, and Jane was relieved to see Tom sitting in the shop. Explaining why she was out in the rain looking like a complete mess would be awkward, but she could borrow his keys and put Darcie back in her box. Well, back in her book anyway. Tom was sitting with an attractive young woman. She was too attractive. Darcie nudged her and winked. Jane marched inside.

“Who is she?” demanded Jane, glaring first at Tom and then the woman.“Jane” said Tom, half rising from his chair; “this is Chloe, she’s another publisher”“I bet she is!” said Jane, hardening her stare; “quiet day at the office today, Tom?”“It was a planned meeting…” began Chloe, embarrassed“I’m sure it was!” shouted Jane; “well, it’s over now so get out”“Jane” said Tom, an edge to his voice as he looked around the shop; “not here, please. You cannot just wander in off the street looking like… whatever it is you look like right now, making a fuss. This was a meeting with a publisher, that’s all. I can’t help her being young and pretty and… we’re going now”“See you later” said Jane, giving Chloe a stare that it said it would be in the woman’s best interest if Jane did not see her later or actually ever again, and definitely not with Tom. Sensing the silence in the shop and the converging stares of the other seven remaining customers, Jane went back out into the rain to join Darcie.“Not nice is it?” asked Darcie consolingly.“No” replied Jane.“So, will you write me a happy ending now?” pleaded Darcie“No” replied Jane.“You asked for this” said Darcie“What?” asked Jane, staring sulkily down the road and not really paying attention.“You remember that psychopath who was stalking me? I had to learn self defence and buy that illegal pepper spray and the panic alarm and stuff?” asked Darcie, gently moving Jane back towards a metal gate next to the café.“What?” asked Jane again, running a hand through her hair.

“Sorry” said Darcie, swiftly and expertly twisting Jane’s other arm behind her back and fastening the wrist to one of the gate’s iron bars with a pair of handcuffs; “you leave me no choice. Happy ending, promise me now, or I promise you’ll spend the night here”“No, stop!” yelled Jane, attempting to twist away from the gate and finding that Darcie had cuffed her arm to the gate in a raised position behind her and she could barely move; “that’s the last time I write you into martial arts classes! And what are you even doing with handcuffs anyway? That was chapter five out of twenty-three, and he decided that he didn’t even like you after all!”“Spoilers, sweetie” replied Darcie; “and yeah, cheers for that, even the stalker doesn’t like me!”“This doesn’t make any sense!” wailed Jane; “please let me go, right now! My arm hurts and I really am soaked through and getting really cold. This is rubbish! If you’re not real, and your clothes aren’t real, then how can the bloody handcuffs be real? Tell me that!”“Misdirection there, sorry” said Darcie; “actually my coat is as real as the cuffs, to you anyway even if nobody else can see them. But then, you know all about misdirection. Writing me a loving long-term relationship with the man of my Kindle dreams only to have him run off with the tarty barmaid from the John Barbour over the road”“Why did you tell me the coat wasn’t real then?!” demanded Jane, confused; “I could have worn it!”“That’s why I told you it was in your head!” smiled Darcie; “I stand in the rain for long enough in that stupid last chapter, despairing at my lost love and spending my last two pounds on a bus ticket!”“I am absolutely so not going to rewrite it!” shouted Jane, stepping forwards and crying out as her arm twisted behind her and her hand went numb from the cold rain and her restricted circulation.“See you tomorrow” said Darcie, pulling the strings on her hood and turning away.“No!” yelled Jane; “okay, I’ll change the ending, but you can’t have Duncan back!”“I don’t want Duncan back!” retorted Darcie; “he cheated, remember?”“I could rewrite that bit too” offered Jane“Too late” sighed Darcie; “that’s my history now, and you can’t rewrite history. Not one line!”“Are you for real?” scowled Jane; “I’ll rewrite whatever I want to! You can’t stop me!”“No?” asked Darcie; “not even me throwing this imaginary key down the gutter can stop you?”“Okay” frowned Jane, “I won’t do a page one rewrite. Tell me what you want me to give you”“I’ll have a think” said Darcie, unlocking the handcuffs and releasing Jane; “in the meantime, you need to go after Tom and apologise for upsetting Chloe”“Apologise?” demanded Jane, rubbing her wrist; “after Tom cheated with her? Wasn’t that the thing you wanted to show me? That Chloe and Tom are… well, whatever, behind my back?”“Are they?” asked Darcie, leaning forward; “I wouldn’t really know, would I? I’m just a character in a book, aren’t I? How would I know?”

Later, back in the studio, Jane sat on the couch, wrapped up in several blankets and clutching two hot water bottles. She looked over at Tom.

“I’m sorry” said Jane; “I don’t know what happened”“You went crazy” said Tom; “but don’t worry, I told Chloe that you’re always crazy”“Thanks” said Jane, pulling the blankets tighter.“What are you doing?” asked Tom, as Jane reached out for her laptop.“Nothing” said Jane; “just a quick rewrite of the last chapter”“Does anything exciting happen?” asked Tom“Darcie gets handcuffed to a bench outside Queen Street station” said Jane“Why?” asked Tom“I’m working on it” replied Jane“You know, you should try a different kind of novel” said Tom; “a murder mystery perhaps?”“Don’t tempt me” said Jane​From behind the closed bedroom door, Jane felt sure that, just for a moment, she heard the sound of someone coughing after choking on a glass of red wine and smiled to herself.

Karen Gillan as Jane Lockhart​Illustration by Andrew Skilleter

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