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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

The art of cake insults was first discovered on May 4th, 1957 when a frat boy convinced his mother to write "You really are a FAT cat" on his buddy's birthday cake.

Today, many still attempt this sweet yet snarky tradition - but as these cakes show, few master it.

Ah, the classic "conflicting messages" mistake. Look, you can't tell someone you'll miss her and end with "Up Yours" - it makes no sense! The insult is lost in a sea of well-wishes! Odds are she's going to look at you with big Bambi eyes and ask, "Up my what?"

No, you've really got to commit to the insult. Give it your all!

Oh, come on, this is just embarrassing. "You are not the best" with a "ha-ha" chaser? Oh, gee. BURN.

Look, we're going for amusing yet zingy. Try again.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Er, look, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but this might be going a bit too far. We're aiming for good-natured mockery, not a restraining order. Rein it in a little, eh?

Although, if you're lucky, sometimes a misspelling will result in an even better insult:

See, now instead of calling him a "geezer" you're insinuating he's incontinent. Score!!

Yep, I'd say the best cake insults are almost always the unintentional ones. (Plausible deniability, baby! Yeah!) So check back on Monday for some of the best whoopsies to ever land a guy on the couch.

Janna, Spencer B., Wendy B., Corie, & Michelle J., I would never insult you guys. Unless I got a cake out of it. Which isn't likely. So, yeah, I would (probably) never insult you guys.

That last one makes me think my dad missed his calling. He takes misspeaking to the level of an art form. If he could only decorate cake, you'd have lots of fodder from my father! He just likes to eat the cake.

some samples: (ahem)talking about how there's a substance (tryptophan) in turkey that makes you sleepy after eating, he griped about the effects of the "aphrodisiac" in the bird.

complaining about relatives at a wedding who were humbled by something, "They ate EGG last night!" (um, Dad? they did serve Deviled eggs. do you mean they ate crow? or had egg on their face? At least he didn't say they had crow on their face!)

complaining about a lane of wasted highway (HOV) when he has to drive solo, he griped about the HIV lane.

One time in a fight with me, he tried to pull rank, and shouted "I'm the figurehead of this family!" (truer words were never spoken. Mom has always been the boss.)

Disgusted at a girl in a see through white bathing suit, he griped, "You could see her public hair!"

@Melissa: OMG! THAT is the cake I would so love to get my coworker. She's in her 50's but is very childish and complains if people don't pamper on her birthday. She griped for a week when her husband didn't get her a separate cake for her birthday even though he took her out to dinner.

wv: ackohoil: what you must have given the cake decorator to get her to write the F word.

I actually know quite a few people who deserve a "You're dead to me" cake. In that instance, the cake you posted is perfect. Why make a beautiful cake for an enemy when a wreck will get your point across even better!

However, I had a totally different image in my mind for the old geyser. I wasn't thinking incontence at all. Nope. I had something far more adult in nature in mind.... and I'll leave THAT to your imaginations.

@ Anonymous 9:52-OMG!! What a riot! Aren't those called "Yogi-isms" (after Yogi Berra)or something? My Dad like to say things like that on purpose!And honestly, that woman WAS showing "public" hair, if the public noticed it!Those were hilarious!

Wow. Talk about sweetening the blow. You know the best part? Scrape the frosting off, and you've still got a cake.Wrecks that might actually finally be worth the money you or your arch enemy pays for them!

My boyfriend and I went to Yellowstone last summer and we decided to sit and wait for a really big geyser to go off called the Great Geyser. Next to us were two kids also waiting with their parents. One of them looked at the sign that labels the geyser and blurted out "it's the Great Geezer!"

That cake made me think of those kids.

They kept us entertained with other antics, as they were extremely bored (such as playing rock paper scissors, but one kid decided to call Mr. T instead of the three traditional choices. So, the other kid countered Mr. T with Jesus, who apparently beats everything)

My husband is the king of making insulting cakes. Every year he ices cakes for his friends that are generally foul-minded and so horribly mean they make even me want to cry! He also likes to couple this with a horribly inappropriate card.

One year he made me my cake that was uh...quite descriptive and then gave me a 6 year old boy's Batman birthday card with the happy birthday message scratched out and he accused me of carrying Batman's child.

I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, AND YES, I ACTUALLY MARRIED HIM AFTER THAT.

He just thinks it's hysterical. I told him that this year I want a pretty cake. We'll see what I get.

I'm trying to work out if "Good Ridince" is a New Zealand flag or the Australian flag. If it's meant to be the Kiwi flag, the stars should be red, and if it's meant to be the Aussie flag, the stars that are there need to have seven points each, and there are two other stars missing.

Either way, that kind of doubles the wreckage.

@Goueznou: maybe if the Liberals or LNP or whaddevayacallem win the next Aussie election, they should make a "Good Ruddance" cake :D

My definition of a Troll is someone who spends most of their time on the web criticizing, swearing and misspelling every comment they submit. For reference, see nearly every comment on Youtube. Now, if you assume that most Trolls are high school/college age, then they are, most likely, "educated." (note the excellent use of quotes.)

Wow on that you are dead to us now cake.. just wow. I don't care how mad you are at someone you don't give them a cake like that period. That first cake had me in stitches as it seems to not know what it wishes to express.

I swear the "You're dead to us now" cake is a DQ icecream cake! I know those cake bottoms anywhere! I'm a DQ cake decorator hehe! We definitely get some wild requests. I really need to start submitting some of those :)

Ummm, Bonnie? I have this battle buddy that went out and bought an exact replica of the Batman Dark Knight costume and went around town in it alll the time.He went bowling, roller skating, he even went to a hardware store and bought some rope, black praypaint and wheelbarrel. Anyway, I'm thinking your husband may very well be related to him.

And the rock paper scissors story is super cute! Love it!

Jen, do remember Trollz? With the big hair and little gems on their bellies? Those were the days.....except for they were awful days.....

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