OK, so, my fiance and I got engaged almost 2 years ago & from day one my father didn’t approve of me getting engaged at the age of 20, but he knew that the wedding wouldn’t be until I was 22. My parents were divorced when I was 3 years old & my mom had primary custody, and through court order I visited my dad ever wednesday and every other weekend. My dad and I really never had a good relationship, it was always a fight or argument.

When I was 13 he entered me in a bowling tournament, and because it was open to the public my mom came and supported me. But because my mom and I have such a close connection with each other I could tell that something was wrong and she wasn’t acting right, on my break she and I went to the dining area for some food and explained to me that my aunts are coming home to PA from FL tomorrow & I knew that wasn’t normal, usually we would know weeks in advance that they were coming home. I felt uneasy but still continued to bowl, and my emotions through me off, turns out my cousin had passed away. Because I blew the game and ended with one of my worst scores, my father began to yell at me, and at that point I was fed up with it and I retaliated and screamed back and said that I never wanted to see him again.

When I was 16 I swallowed my pride and relocated him, and tried to make ammends. It worked, somewhat, we talk every so often, and he lives 75 miles away so it’s hard to even visit.

THE WEDDING STORY

Now, I’m 22 & getting married and I don’t know if he’ll be there. My dad grows and sells produce to grocery stores, and my wedding is in September which is a big month for him. He called me the other day and said that he doesn’t think that he can make my wedding because he is so busy with produce … Mind you, he works for himself and sells and delivers to the stores on his own time … I told him “why don’t you just double deliver on Sept. 14 and tell them you can’t do anything on Sept 15” and his response is the stores won’t go for that … OH PLEASE, it’s noth like these stores put out the produce the day that they get it … My mom will be giving me away, and my dad knows and understands that, but I still want to have my father daughter dance and want him to be there for pictures … But I have Alternatives for if he doesn’t show up, my “Pappy”, uncle and fiance’s father are on the line for the dance … As weird as it is, my fiance’s father has been more of a dad to me in the past 3 years than my own father has in 22 years, but my father is still my father & I still give him that opportunity I just don’t know what to do …

All you can do is what you’ve done all your life– keep an open mind, and if he is there, great– if not, then you have other men in your life who have been better father figures who would gladly be there with you on your special day.

Make sure your alternatives are aware. Make your father aware of how you want him to be there and what an important day this is. Hope that he pulls through.

But if not? It’s him who is missing out, not you. You need to accept your father for who he is, even if it’s not positive. Life is a lot easier when you realize some people are flawed more than others and you can’t change those things.