FOFA #780 – Ménage à How Many? – 1.13.11

How many are in your party? For some people monogamy is just right, but for a growing number of people, open relationships is where they find true happiness.

We are raised on fairy tales of a handsome prince rescuing a fair maiden and then they live happily ever after, but how close is this image to real life?

As gay people, we try to reinterpret that image of monogamous marriage in our fight for gay rights and marriage equality. There is even a new study that shows that GLBT youth want to be married and have kids by the age of 30.

How many people are truly satisfied by having one lover for their entire life?

Tristan studied over a hundred polyamorous people, in a sort of Kinsey Report on non-manogamy. Tristan interviewed in person, over the phone and by email, people who were content and settled, and others who were at a crossroads in their relationships.

She discovered that all the people engaging in this lifestyle “exude an above-average level of sexual and emotional satisfaction -something that in my experience and observation seems to elude a lot of people.”

So how do you convince your wife to have a three way with the nanny, or the pool boy?

Well, it can be a very difficult topic to bring up because relationships are often viewed as sacred and some people are not going to react well to even bringing the topic up. Tristan recommends you start slow and put little feelers out there to see if they are the same wavelength. Of course, you have to make sure the person you are currently involved with has good self esteem otherwise you are in for a lot of trouble and soul searching.

Join us as we chat with Tristan about the tips and tricks on open relationships. We talk about how you design an open relationship, the pitfalls of an nonmonogmay, keeping it fresh five or ten years later and what to do if one person is kinky and they other is not.

There is a lot to take into consideration if you are going to turn your relationship into an open one. For example, what do you do if one person is attracted to it and the other isn’t? Is coming out as polyamorous like coming out of the gay closet? What do you do when someone reacts negatively to your identity? And what about the children, do the kids even care?

Tristan Toarmino is the niece of famous American author Thomas Pynchon, so of course we just have to ask her what he thinks of her work.

Take a dip in our jacuzzi of love- Feast of Fools.

[Originally posted on 06.16.08]

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Absolutely one of THE BEST FOF ever! A must-hear for everyone who wishes to have a deeply satisfying and fulfilling relationship. Even if an open relationship is not your preference, this show can still help you get clear on what you DO want and how to communicate with your partner.

This is one of my favorite episodes and is one of three episodes that I listen to over and over. I’d love to hear her on the show again, especially considering she was just uninvited from giving a keynote speech at Oregon State University. http://www.puckerup.com/media_kit/osu_press_release

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About Fausto Fernós

Fausto Fernós is the host of iTunes’ #1 LGBT talk show, the Feast of Fun podcast, which he produces and hosts with his partner, Marc Felion.

Born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, Fausto Fernós created the Feast of Fools in 1998 as wacky artists variety show in Chicago, Illinois. Feast of Fun grew out of an audio blog to promote the live show into the world’s most downloaded talk show aimed for gay people.

When he’s not blogging, recording or sleeping, Fausto can be found at the gym or appreciating the beauty found in nature.

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