How do you break bad news to a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Sep 7, 2012 9:13 AM

I'm in my early 20s and recently got some bad news from my doctor. I told one of my best friends, but she is in her late 30s and can (and has) handle these types of situations and she is also like a mother to me. I'm concerned about telling my boyfriend though. He's a year or so younger than I am and doesn't have the emotional maturity of the friend I told. I'm afraid if I go in to detail with him, he'll get confused and freaked out, but that if I just give him the basic overview, that might leave him with so many unanswered questions that that may worry him too. But I feel like I can't just not tell him. I told him I was going for a test, but I really thought it was going to come out fine, I never imagined there would actually be an issue. So when I see him next and he asks how everything went, what do I do? Or maybe, what have other people done in similar situations?

Top Answers

Just be straight up and honest. Don't get emotional yourself when talking about it - help him draw strength from you and by seeing how you are dealing with it. Relationships are built on being open and honest. And we all have to start learning to deal with this stuff sometime. And I hope whatever the bad news was works out okay for you!

Just be straight up and honest. Don't get emotional yourself when talking about it - help him draw strength from you and by seeing how you are dealing with it. Relationships are built on being open and honest. And we all have to start learning to deal with this stuff sometime. And I hope whatever the bad news was works out okay for you!

I agree with what everyone else has said before.
Do it face-to-face. Be direct, open and honest. Having someone else there isn't a bad idea, as long as it's someone you're both comfortable with.
Do it somewhere in private, ideally someplace where you can leave but he can stay in case he does freak out and just needs to have some time alone to process. And, if that does happen, and he needs to "get away" to "clear his head" (or whatever) try to convince him to walk somewhere and not drive. Driving while emotionally freaking out is never a good thing.

And, ya never know, he might surprise you, step up and handle it really well.
I hope the conversation and all of what sounds like it will follow goes okay.

I agree with above responses and would add it might be that you give him an overview and ask him what questions he has, allow him to ask so that he can process at his own speed and take in what you are saying.

He's never going to learn how to deal with these kinds of issues if he isn't given a chance. Straightforward, honest, and to the point like everyone else said.
And if you are the one who got the bad news, don't make it about him. It's about you. He needs to step up for you. Don't pander to what you think he needs. It's okay to be needy.

I want to second what @flyinggirl said - ultimately this is your bad news and you need him to lean on for support. You are right to take his feelings, needs and reaction into consideration since that is what makes a good relationship - but don't go overboard in catering to him down the road if he can't handle whatever you must go through in the future.

And best of luck with dealing with whatever it is your bad news is - we will always be here for you!

@flyinggirl: Thanks, you're right as well. It is me that got the bad news. But I also know that I've been told bad news about a friend before, and it was bad news for me too, you know? And like @mkdr said, I can't totally cater to him either. @bingo969: Thank you very much! I'm a pretty open book as it is, and most people describe me as too honest, lol. And you are right, people need to learn sometime. @dw1771: That is a brilliant idea. And that way, if he doesn't want to know all the details, he doesn't have to ask, he can choose to just support me or as @gt0163c said, he might just need time to himself. @jrpigman: Hahaha, while this is absolutely hilarious, that's not the kind of news. However, if I ever find myself in a similar situation, icing on cake it is! :D
TL;DR Thanks Guys! ♥

I was going to say "drunk" but it sounds like this is something you might want to have your verbal/motor skills present for.

Just don't get stressed about it.. and don't build it up before the conversation or preface it with anything ominous.. I also wouldn't call up and say "I have something we need to talk about.. let's meet up."

Just meet up like normal and explain it to him calmly.. with things like this (especially if it's not something he knows much about) people tend to react more to your demeanor and emotions than the news itself.. if you don't make a big deal about it, he's a lot more likely to receive it calmly.

@drchops: I should have read this before I called my other friend. He told me I said it so nonchalantly that had I not said "I don't want to freak you out, but..." he wouldn't have freaked out at all. I'll know this for when I tell my boyfriend though, so, lesson learned. :)

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