Pope to be buried

In line with Catholic doctrine, and despite complaints from the Pope's closest advisors that he is in fact alive and well, the Pope will be layed to rest on Friday in a ceremony to be held in Vatican City.

'This never happen before,' A spokesperson for the Vatican said today, 'apart from in 13th century or something like that, but that's all a-written in the Latin! None of us really speak-a the Latin. We just make it up!'

'The doctrine written in the Italiano that's kept in the Vatican locker room says that, when the pope is no more the pope, he must be buried in big fancy ceremony!'

The complaints of the Pope have fallen on deaf ears.

'Nonnus! Marmitimus! Expelius! No buryus meus'

It is thought that the next pope will be decided by something like X-factor.