Monthly Archives: September 2011

I know, I’ve been slacking. There has been a serious lack of secondary embarrassment being discussed lately. I won’t lie – the loss (aka hiatus) of The Bachelor series has left me in a rut. I think we can all agree that ABC brings the SE with The Bachelor franchise. Almost to an epic proportion. So it’s a bit difficult to find something that reaches that level.

I tried Dancing with the Stars (and I think I will try it again once the number of competitors gets to a more manageable level) but in all honestly I can’t hang with the competition shows. I don’t want to commit to another show before I can really get into it so for now, we’re just going to wing it over here at SE. You may see a Real Housewives post one day and a Survivor post the next. One day it could be Gossip Girl and the next it could be Keeping up with the Kardashians. We’ll all just have to see what works.

In the mean time, if you love a show and want to do a guest post – give me a shout! I would love to get some fresh SE voices on this little ole blog of mine.

Like this:

So I took the advice of a loyal reader and gave ABC’s Dancing with the Stars a try last night. All in all, I’m not sure I can do it on the regular. It’s just SO long. And I know you all are probably pointing out the hypocrisy of someone who watches 3 hours of Bachelor Pad saying a show is long so I will bring up another point: the Commercials. They are endless. Seriously, you can’t get into a rhythm ( no pun intended) with this show because every two seconds there’s Tom Bergeron telling me it’s time to take {another} break.

Why are there so many of you?!? (Photo: ABC/Adam Taylor)

I present, for your consideration, my abbreviated recap of DWTS. In the interest of honesty, I gave up after an hour so there is probably a huge chunk (and by huge chunk I mean two dancers) missing. Feel free to hate on me in the comments section, after all – isn’t that what they’re for?

Let’s Cha Cha.

So here we are it’s the premiere and for as many times as I’ve caught moments of this show, I’ve never once watched the intros (or for that matter the entire show. I’m still working on that part.) We’re only two minutes in and I feel like I’ve been magically transported back to 1977. Not sure how I feel about it. One thing I am sure of though, I love the fancy announcer voice on this show. It’s like ABC knows how cheesy it is so they try to class it up with a fancy, accented announcer. I like it.

Everything is new this season. New ball room, new loft/viewing area, new name for Brook Burke, new “celebrities.” And then there’s Ron Artest (I don’t like how auto-correct is always trying to change his name to arrest. Who knew auto-correct was so racist?) with his new name, Mehta World Peace.

Ron is also sporting a new look or an old look based on how old you are and whether you remember what Dennis Rodman looked like circa 1997. But really, what’s up with the yellow hair with the mustache and all the tongue sticking out -ness? I don’t like it and I’m not sure this is something the voters will get behind (wait, wasn’t Dennis Rodman on this show already?).

Brooke Burke is on the scene looking fancy and classy and thankfully, NOT wearing Sketchers Shape-Ups. I’m digging the one should green dress. But for as much as I’m loving Brooke, I realize quickly that the show is not about her. So let’s get to those dancing fools.

Ron Artest:

First up, Mr. World Peace (no really, that’s his name now) himself. For all his nonsense, I am genuinely touched by his story about his daughter asking him to be on the show when she was battling cancer. You go Mehta.

I'm an Outtie! (ABC/Adam Taylor)

So Dennis Ron Mehta shows up with a bang. He’s rocking the sequin vest with ease and the odd, slightly vulgar/slutty faces make me feel like I am in a musical/porno mash-up. The dance itself it’s painful to watch it’s all the added touches that make it a little uncomfortable. Also, the music. It’s bad.

The judges aren’t sold on Mehta’s new look or his new moves. I like Bruno’s description best. “You look like a weird dancetron.” (Did he say that or did I make that up? Who knows, it’s in my notes.)

Scores: Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 4 (always so harsh), Bruno – 5

SE Score: 6.5 (the higher the score, the more the SE).The dancing would have earned him a solid 5 but he was bumped up on account of the costumes, facial expressions and music.

Rob Kardashian

So is it me or does Cheryl Burke (one of the only dancers I know by name) LOVE to get her flirt on with her partner? Ole girl is coming strong with the sexual innuendo and playful banter in the practice sessions. I think she’s trying to become the fourth Kardashian (but no where as cute as the other psuedo-Kardashian’s, the Jenner’s -Kendall & the other younger one).

So these two take the Waltz route rather than the Cha-Cha-Cha road taken by Mehta. Rob is automatically scoring points (the good kind) in my book with his classy outfit. And by classy I mean, not wearing only a sequin vest. The music is still pretty awful but his dancing isn’t piss poor. His smile is keeping me mildly entertained (it’s still early aka two commercial breaks in) and I appreciate that he doesn’t seem to mind being paired up with an Elvis impersonator.

Am I doing okay Kim? (ABC/Adam Taylor)

The judges are a little nicer to Rob. Bruno tells him to lighten up while Len tells him he’s “not impressed but not depressed.” This is the highest form of compliment Len knows how to give so Rob smiles accordingly. Carrie Ann, on the other hand, is looking to steal Rob away from Cheryl and tells him he has “potential” as a mating partner. Okay take off the last part. She didn’t actually say that but her eyes did.

Scores: I have no idea. It appears I accidentally deleted them.

SE Score: 4 – Cheryl brought most of the SE to this waltz. Good lord Cheryl, you’re better than an old Elvis costume. Can’t they whip you up a sequin jumpsuit without a giant collar?

Kristin Cavallari

“I’m Kristin and I’m not a bitch.” Oh c’mon Kristin just embrace the bitch. It’s what made you psuedo-famous so just own it.

Kristin has the unique pleasure of competing with Elisabetta Canalis for the hottest chick on the show category. She does win in being the youngest and the contestant who most resembles previous DWTS faves Stacy Kiebler and Erin Andrews.

Kristin comes out in a fun ‘fit full of sparkles with minimal amounts of tackiness. I like it. It doesn’t hurt that her body is amaze balls and she has the skinniest legs ever. Despite her perfect dancer body, KCav is a little stiff. It seems like she’s a little embarrassed. Like she knows her “friends” are watching and is worried what they will blogtell the tabloids say about her.

The judges do not share my opinion and have a serious crush. I think they just are loving those stems.
Scores: Carrie Ann – 7, Len – 6, Bruno – 6

SE Score: 7 – Kristin just gave off a weird vibe. I loved her but I just want her to own it next time (if I watch). I think she could easily win (as long as LC doesn’t start a campaign to crush her and break her and Steven up again. God I miss Laguna Beach).

Chynna Phillips

First off, is anyone else wishing, hoping, praying, starting a petition for Chynna to sing “Hold On” with the rest of Wilson Phillips on an episode this season?

While I haven’t heard Chynna sing since 1993, she says she’s putting down the mic and putting on her dancing shoes. Am I confused? Didn’t Wilson Phillips break up like 10+ years ago? Details…

Chynna, who is married to the Hottie McHotterson Billy Baldwin (no judging), clearly knows a thing or two about dancing. She comes out looking like Cinderella (what was that hairdo?) but kills it with the dancing. It’s like she was dancing for her shot with Prince Charming. Ole girl had moves.

Cinderelly, Cinderelly (Sung in Gus Gus voice) (ABC/Adam Taylor)

And how old is she? She hasn’t aged at all. I want whatever product she (and the equally age-less Mr. B Baldwin) is using.

Len is in love. I think I see little cartoon hearts floating off him as he discusses her moves. Billy B recognizes this and throws the viewers at home a wink so we feel included in the flirtation. I love it.

Scores: Carrie Ann – 8 (so generous), Len – 7, Bruno – 7.

SE Score: 6.5 – The dancing was on point but the dress and hair were not.

Side Note: How have I only watched FOUR PEOPLE? This show has been on for an eternity already.

Nancy Grace

I am legitimately scared of Nancy Grace (as Drew says I very well should be). I just think that if I don’t vote for her she is going to lunge through the TV and accuse me of a crime against children or something.

But I see a little sass in Nancy. It’s like the mean sass from her show has melted away and all that’s left is fun, spunky sass. So Nancy G. throws on a glitter dress, some heels and decides to sparkle her sassy-ass all over the {brand new} ballroom.

Don't make me accuse you of a sex crime. (ABC/Adam Taylor)

Her moves are a little questionable but I like the confidence. I also like that she could probably take out her dancer partner in a matter of seconds if she is disappointed with his performance. Don’t make Nancy angry. Seriously, don’t.

Carrie Ann recognizes the spunk but I can also see a little of the fear of Nancy in her eyes. Len is not scared though and he lays it out on the line. I think he’s unfazed because there’s nothing to fear when you’re a robot from the waist down.

Scores: Carrie Ann – 5, Len – 6, Bruno – 6.

SE Score – 5. Not gonna lie, I liked it. But I’m still frightened.

David Arquette

Aw, I like David Arquette. Have since the days of my favorite scary movie, Scream. He looks good. Skinny, cleaned up, healthy. Nice work DA.

Did anyone else freaking love it when they showed his daughter Coco at the end? She is precious.

As for the dancing, David looked classy and cool. The tails were a little much but I liked the mix of formal and silly. He kind of had a cartoon character feel to his look. I like how he seemed to be enjoying himself too. I think he may be my favorite.

It was nice that he wasn’t bad either. The guys have it much easier but he looked like he could actually be good at this. My votes for him (and Nancy, don’t tell her I’m voting for David too).

Loves. (ABC/Adam Taylor)

The judges were pretty complimentary and even a little impressed. If I wasn’t sold on him yet, it was in the bag once I saw he had PeeWee Herman on his cheering squad. Pee Wee, Courtney and Coco. That’s a pretty solid group. Throw in Patricia and Rosanna Arquette and it’s a hands down winner.

SE Score – 4. No SE here. Just maybe a little cause I want him and Courtney Cox to get back together and watching them made me feel a little awkward.

Elisabetta Canalis

No argument here, this girl is a knock-out. No wonder George Clooney hung out with her for so long. But c’mon all you’re famous for in this country is for dating one of our favorite Hollywood hunks. I think it’s a bit of a stretch to call her a “star.”

Cause Varisty Jackets were meant to be worn like this. (ABC/Adam Taylor)

It’s clear from her dancing that looks can only carry you so far. She is NOT good at this. Whether it’s nerves, forgetfulness or just sheer awfulness – this is full of the SE i’d been waiting for.Yikes. I just wanted it to end from the minute they rolled out that prop bed. What would George Say? (someone should make bracelets that say that? could change lives.)

Poor Elisabetta was lost in translation from the start. The judges agree but it doesn’t matter since she has absolutely no clue what they’re saying.

I like Hope Solo. I also like that she is at least as tall, if not taller, than her partner Maxim. I also like that her partner is named Maxim. I’m a fan all around.

BUT I did not like her cut out, pale pink dress. Was this an attempt for her to look really girly? Woof. She isn’t a bad dancer though (I’m only half paying attention at this point) though. I just think it’s weird watching her follow when it looks like she should be leading the dance. It also appears that she could snap him in half with a few well-placed “dance moves.”

No you cannot kiss me. (ABC/Adam Taylor)

The judges aren’t so critical but give her the worst comment you could give a female athlete who is already probably struggling with this issue. Be more feminine.

Scores: Carrie Ann – 7, Len – 7, Bruno – 7.

SE Score: 5 – The dress mostly.

Carson Kressly

Eek! I loved Queer Eye for the Straight Guy (Bravo in its infancy). I totally wish they would bring it back so seeing Carson is a little piece of joy.

Carson decides to spot an outfit from the same collection as Ron’s Mehta’s. Except this one has sleeves and a glitter scarf. Carson has by far the worst moves of any of the dancer’s so far (well, except Elisabetta) but he definitely has the most spirit. He is one of the few people who looks like they are having fun so it makes up for the horrible, stiff moves.

They're bringing back Queer Eye! (ABC/Adam Taylor)

To quote him, “he puts the C in caucasian.”

The judges feel kind of bad telling him he sucks but he owns it.

I am struggling to stay with the show at this point so I don’t get his score but his SE Score is a 6.5. The moves are bad but the personality is so fun.

Sorry JR Martinez, Ricky Lake and Chas Bono – I just couldn’t stick with it to see the end. I know everyone was anxious to see Chas Bono dancing but that did not include me. I could have cared less. I’m a little bummed to have missed Ricky Lake who I kind of love but otherwise, I feel like I should receive a medal for making it through 9 of these routines.

I’m going to try to stick with this but I’m not sure if I can.

Don't let me die here. (ABC/Adam Taylor)

What did you think of my DWTS recap/experience? Are you watching this 70’s Variety Show? Who’s your favorite?

Usually on Mondays, the dread of the start of the work week is counterbalanced with the excitement for a new episode of Bachelor Pad or The Bachelor(ette). But it appears the weather here is echoing my sadness over the lack of quality, romantical, dating shows on the fall schedule.

To get me through the dark days between seasons, I have made bold choice (one encouraged by @lynseycreech) – I will be taking my secondary embarrassment to {recap} Dancing with the Stars.

I just love this little mean girl. (Photo: ABC)

Maybe it’s the addition of Kristin Cavallari or maybe it’s just because I can’t escape those damn Kardashians but I’m going to do it. My weekly Tuesday recap will now discuss the pros and cons of Nancy Grace’s tango and Chaz Bono’s fox trot. Get ready. I’m not really prepared for what’s to come but I know I’ll have you all to help me through it all.

Here’s hoping these recaps get a perfect score from you all.

Let me know what you all think of the decision to cover DWTS. I’m also thinking of doing regular Real Housewives of Beverly Hills recaps. What do you think?

Also, Top Chef is starting again soon and I will be recapping that. Although those recaps will be full of gushing love and not so much SE. We’ll see.

It’s no secret that here that I love love love Ms. Michelle Money. I can’t help it. Loved her on Brad’s season (Monkey Attack threats and all) and I loved her even more on Bachelor Pad. I was definitely rooting for her and Graham (even if the way she says his name weirds me out a little) over Michael & Holly especially because Ms. Money said she’d be donating some of her winnings to help cancer research.

Well my friends, she may not have won but we can still help a girl out (cause you know you love her too). 46nyc.com – the t-shirt company that her beau Graham owns – has created a special shirt to honor Michelle’s dad, Scott Cartwright. The Blue Ribbon Tee (V-neck for ladies) is cute and more importantly, goes to a good cause.

Not sure why Michelle’s not sporting the tee in the pic on the site but either way – here it is. If you’re interested in scooping one up, they are $28.00.

p.s. – I was not paid or anything to do this. Just stumbled upon while following Michelle on twitter and thought I’d share with the fellow SE Michelle Money fans.

I’m not going to lie, I’m a little sad to see the end of Bachelor Pad. Feels like the official end to Summer. But alas, Summer must turn to fall and Bachelor Pad must turn to The Bachelor. Ah, the cycle begins again.

But before we jump ahead, let’s savor the last drawn out three hours few moments we’ve got with these crazy kids.

We kick off back at the mansion where the padders are recovering from the “dramatic” rose ceremony (why is everything so dramatic on BP?). Holly is worried about her “connection” with Micheal after he saw how hard it was for her to say good-bye to Blake. I’d bet it has more to do with him seeing her tongue kissing him on a blanket though. Hard to tell.

Everybody do the dinosaur. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Before they can drown their sorrows in the unlimited supply of booze, Chris Harrison jumps in with another SUPRESA! Pack your bags sinners, we’re going to your favorite city! So appropriate for the last challenge to take place in Sin City.

This revelation causes Kasey to make his own revelation/proclamation of mindless BS, “I had a dream. Build an alliance to make it to the finals. And here we are…. All I have to do is predict that I will win that $250,000 and I’ll win.” Oh Kasey, it is sweet to have dreams but please refrain from sharing them like you are MLK changing the world. You’re on Bachelor Pad, K?

Vegas Baby

The crew arrives in Vegas where they are whisked off to an auditorium that looks very similar to the one used last season in the Jaberwockeez Bachelorette competition. C’mon ABC I thought we learned our lesson then. No more awkward white people dancing. PLEASE.

Surprise Suckers!

Instead of performing in a hip-hop dance troop (*sign of relief*) the posse will be attempting to recreate a scene from the Cirque du Soleil show KÁ (*groan* oh lord, please no).

This involves being harnessed in and performing a routine on a giant, 100-ft vertical stage. While I think this looks like a super fun, exciting thing to try, it appears that every, single person left is afraid of heights and this challenge makes them want to vomit. Well at least they know how I’ve felt the entire season.

CH steps out, still hung over from a night out in Vegas, to explain the rules of this challenge. Each couple will perform a one minute routine where they will be judged in four categories, one of which is (the always important) Chemistry. The have one day to learn the routine which include 50 seconds of choreography and 10 seconds of their own “free-style.”

The couple with the highest score wins and gets to choose who will join them in the finals. The couple with the lowest score will be going home. *Gasps* all around as the couples realize how “important” this challenge is (seriously, you’d think Bachelor Pad is life and death for some of these people). They all clap while they silently cry on the inside.

This happened. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Practice Makes Perfect Not Horrible

Each group heads backstage to meet with the Cirque du Soleil cast members who drew the shortest straws. They all curse their lives while they attempt to teach the routine to the group.

Vienna and Kasey – Vienna insults Kasey’s inability to do anything correctly while Kasey proposes they “form a heart with their bodies” for their freestyle. At least Vienna doesn’t think this is a good idea. She immediately shoots it down while I contemplate Kasey’s undying love for the heart symbol. (I liked when they showed the Cirque du Soleil guy in the background just shaking his head. Yeah, we’re with you bud.)Despite Vienna’s put downs, Kasey thinks they have this in the bag. Mostly because he is “smart and witty.” I’m not sure what being witty (he’s not AT ALL) has to do with this competition but whatevs Kasey. Vienna obviously thinks she’ll be the best at this (like she’s said for every other competition they lost). I smile since I know this is the last time I will have to hear her compliment herself.

Kirk and Ella – Ella is afraid of heights and cables and ultimately, winning. She tells us for the 93rd time that she is doing this for her son which prompts me to yell at her to strap herself in and go with it. But of course, she doesn’t. The panic and anxiety of the 100-ft wall combined with her LA Gear sneakers from 1992 cause her to look like a hot mess up there.I am sad since it appears my two favs stand no chance at winning this. Hopefully someone else sucks.

Michael and Holly – Well these two definitely won’t suck. It doesn’t hurt that Micheal is a professional choreographer and that Holly has rhythm. While Holly learns the routine, Michael (who memorized it after watching it once) stares at her longingly. I half expect him to pull out a blanket for them to lie down on to have a tear-filled heart-to-heart.

Michelle and Graham – Michelle throws on her cutest workout gear and her and Graham attempt to learn the routine. They look great but the routine does not. Maybe Kirk and Ella stand a chance. Ah, but that’s no good. I want them both to make it to the finals. I’m so torn.

Back at their Vegas suite the pairs practice through the night, well everyone except Kasey and Vienna. Editing makes it look like they ate all the food in the place and then hit the hay. Blech. I can’t stand them.

Show Time

Predictably the judges are former Bachelor(ette) “winners.” Winners because the love they found on the show was legit (so far) and not just a move based entirely on getting famous (I mean that part didn’t hurt, can anyone say free Neil Lane?).

The three who will be forced to judge the performances know little to nothing about Cirque du Soleil or dance but hey, we like seeing them. It’s Trista (cause she is puppet who ABC owns), Jason Mesnick and Ali (aww swoon, Roberto carried her out. God I love him. Beating heart be still. Okay, get it together).

Sweet, sweet Roberto. So good to see you again. It's been too long. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

Tonight’s episode of Bachelor Pad Idol features four couples who have absolutely no idea what they’re doing. GO!

First up, Michelle and Graham. They play up their “romance” while playing down their ability to do the routine. It’s not horrible but in no way is it even mediocre. Hey, but at least they kissed. Let’s all just try to forget about that weird hand shake thing they did. Yeah, that was weird.

Next, Kirk and Ella. These two fail miserably. Well, to be fair – Ella fails miserably. Kirk attempts to get her in sync to no avail. They stumble through an awkward minute and descend, much to the delight of everyone watching. (Ella – I’m still pissed that you couldn’t pull it together girl. I was rooting for you).

Then the evil empire takes the stage. They are pretty decent (I’m remiss to say any of them were actually good. I think it would be insulting to Cirque du Soleil). I ask a loud “There’s no way Ali can give Kasey the rose right? Right? Right?” I am horrified that they are no horrible. At least we’ve still got Michael to put our faith in.

Stag and Holly suit up, looking like a pair of attractive lizards ready to climb their way to victory. And that they do. They are as close to good as you can get and the other contestants resign knowing they have no chance now.

It’s decision time. Of course, Jason asks Holly & Michael is they are a couple. Michael beams at Holly hoping she’ll say yes but alas, she says no and breaks Stag’s heart for the 3468465498 time.

We DID It! (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

After attempting to provide constructive feedback, they announce the winners who are of course, Michael and Holly. More importantly, the let us know the losers who are sadly (and obviously) Kirk and Ella. Boo.

The producers haul these two off into limos in a hurry, not even letting them change out of their lizard gear. Geez, a little harsh huh? Ella cries because she let down her son. But I think she should be proud – she excited the show with her dignity intact which is far more than some of the other losers can say.

Aww boo. (ABC/Rhonda Churchill)

The Final Roses

The group jets back to the pad for the final rose ceremony. Michael and Holly spend the day interviewing the final couples trying to decide who they will take to the finals.

It comes down to a simple choice – Pick Vienna and Kasey and 100% guarantee a win OR pick Graham & Michelle and worry about the voting.

First they sit down with Ms. Piggy and Kermit but not before the Missus reminds Kermy to act as little like his self as possible. Stag, who has decided that the Huckleberry Finn look works for him, tries to question the pair but can’t get a word in edgewise between Kasey spewing nonsensical BS. When he says “it hurts my heart” I immediately stop listening and begin praying for Michael and Holly to choose Michelle and Graham.

The conversation ends and Vienna knows they are dunzo. She let’s us all know this by insulting Kasey for the next 5 minutes. He runs away to pout and she follows him, like a mom chasing a toddler, to chastise him some more for being such a weirdo. I’m glad I no longer have to contemplate the dynamics of this relationship. It is way too confusing.

So Vienna tells Kasey that he is a weird loud mouth and then Kasey runs away and pouts.

Nailed it.

They sit down with Graham and Michelle and let them know they are torn between being selfish or sticking with the alliance. I think this is a total dramatization. The one thing Stag has going for him is that he hates Kasey which I love about him. It almost makes me forget all the crying he’s done this season.

Rose Time.

After some melodramatic speeches from Holly and Michael about being selfish and selfless, they end up making the right choice and picking Graham and Michelle.

All is right with the world once again and it appears the evil spell Kasey cast on everyone has finally been broken. Ding dong the witch is dead.

Chris Harrison steps in and tells them to hit the road. Kick rocks Kasey.

As they ride off, Vienna breaks down sobbing while they complain about their “perfect rose record” being ruined. Waaaah Waaaah.

I decided to break down the finale into two posts. I’ll be back shortly with the dramatic finale to Bachelor Pad 2. (Sorry, I just stole that line from my man CH).

It’s the for reals finale now. We know who’s heading to the finals and more importantly, we get to see (and ABC gets to embarrass) the whole gang.

It’s time for Chris Harrison to make his money, step up to the plate and call these fools out on all the stupid s**t they did all season. Not gonna lie, I love this side of CH – you know, how he pretends to be their friend and then just insults the hell out of them. It’s moments like these when I know he’s on our side.

Everybody’s back and ready to get down to the embarrassment. Here’s the cliffs notes version.

Jackie & Ames – Inquiring minds were dying to know what happened to the couple who created the “most romantic moment in Bachelor Pad history” (let’s be real, this shows otherwise lacks any real “romance”). Unfortunately (and predictably), this love fizzled fast. ABC awkwardly sat the pair next to each other where it was obvious that Jackie was still in love/heartbroken. Poor girl seemed on the verge of tears the entire episode. It didn’t help that they seemed to cut to her whenever other people were talking about finding love. Jackie seemed pretty eaten up about the end of her BP romance.
Ames, on the other hand, just looked like his usual awkward, uncomfortable self (which I LOVE). He kind of danced around the break-up and made it sound like he did Jackie a favor by calling off the romance. Jackie was not amused.
What was supposed to be the next great Bachelor franchise romance turned into another awkward encounter. Aww shoot. I was rooting for them. (But honestly, I was just hoping it would get Ames more TV face time.)

Please don't make us relive this. PLEASE.

The most annoying love triangle in Bachelor Pad history – Jake, Vienna and Kasey – One of my favorite parts of these reunion shows is when they make the contestants own up to the shitty things they said in their interviews. Lord knows, Kasey and Vienna were chock full of horrible sound bites.
Unfortunately for us though, we had to relive the embarrassing, awkwardness that was this love triangle. Reliving Jake saying hi to Vienna made me fast-forward without even knowing what was going on. It was a reaction I couldn’t fight.
Vienna tried to say that she was really nice to Jake, you know, other than those moments when she was a heinous biatch but CH wasn’t buying it. Neither was Jake or my new fav, Erica Rose who made great “judgements” throughout the show. Maybe I was a little too harsh on her judge show dreams (ps – looks like she’s lost a bunch of weight – looking good ER).

The Kasey Kahl sit-down – Kermy, the self-proclaimed mastermind and godfather of the house, got his own little one on one with CH. This turned out to be the worst/best segment of the show. Pros: Kasey admitting he has a speech impediment (well that explains it!), Kasey being forced to relive some of the most embarrassing moments of TV history (which did not include his singing, shame on you ABC), Kasey getting called out for being a grade-A jerk by CH. Cons: Kasey crying (is it bad that I wanted to write “Kasey Krying”?), Kasey apologizing for being a jerk (c’mon dude, own it), Kasey talking about his love for Vienna. Woof.

Blake – Blake and his amazingly shiny teeth had their own little reunion show moment. Blake was full of so much drama this season which shocked his new bestie CH. We got to relive many of Blake’s more awkward moments (who knew, the most awkward was still to come!) like when he kissed Melissa (yugh), or when she went bat-shit crazy on him, or when he got caught kissing Holly by Stag. I was quite surprised that we didn’t get to see his painfully uncomfortable dinner/sex proposition from Erica.
Then we got the BIG news. BUT before you thought he was just going to announce that he and Holly were engaged, we cut to video. Wait, seriously? ABC filmed their engagement. Are you for reals? Is there no end to what these people will sell of their lives?
As if it was the final episode of The Bachelor, Blake and Holly are enjoying a picnic (what is it with this show and picnics?) when Blake pops the question, complete with the (free) Neil Lane engagement ring. I shook my head as the video played. It appears ABC is so desperate for a televised wedding that they’ll take whatever they can get.These leads to the bigger question… does Micheal know? Ahh, we’ll soon find out.

Thanks ABC for orchestrating another life moment!

The group chit-chats some more – Rated R hates on people, Allie gets zero camera time and Erica Rose gets some jabs in – then it’s time for the final showdown.

Stag & Holly vs. Michelle & Graham – Let’s Get it On!

The group comes out and CH wastes no time in getting down to the awkwardness. “So Micheal, do you know the news?” CH asks, man he can be evil sometimes. Micheal looks confused before saying something about Holly and Blake moving to South Carolina.

At this point, Drew throws the remote at me, cowers under a blanket and yells ” I can’t watch, I can’t watch.” Yeah, we knew we were in for some serious SE.

Uhh, nope. Holly turns and breaks the news, “I’m engaged.” OH SNAP. Poor Michael. I know I’ve been a Stag-hater all season but this was pretty cruel. He was literally, the last to know. I genuinely felt bad for him. I mean, this is bad. Blake has a weird, uncomfortable/happy grin, Holly looks guilty as hell and Michael, poor Michael looks so confused.

He begs for a commercial break that will not come. Thankfully, Holly starts talking so he is not forced to look like a deer in headlights any longer.

YIKES. And you thought you had a bad breakup? Well, hey, at least he can still win some cash money.

On to Graham & Michelle, who are sitting close as close can be. I find this adorable and cute at first but the odd way Graham keeps leaning in a pushing Michelle’s head so he can kiss the back of it starts to weird me out. Michelle is telling the emotional story of her father’s passing from colon cancer and all I can think about is the weird way he keeps grabbing her. It is distracting and I hate being distracted when my girl Michelle Money is talking.

Cutest Couple???

While they never come out and say they are together, they each gush about each other endlessly. Clearly there is some serious affection there. Will Graham move out to SLC? Will Michelle and her daughter pack up and move to the big city? Who knows. One thing I do know, these two would make some pretty cute babies.

Vote Time!

Each pair makes their plea to the forum on why they should get the money. While Graham and Michelle seem like the obvious choice (charity, family, they’re just so good-looking), it appears that many cast members really loved them some Micheal and Holly.

(Apologies: I didn’t take notes during the voting, so I can’t give you a detailed break-down of who voted for whom. I was getting a little weary after 2 hours and 45 minutes of BP).

In the end, Michael and Holly won over the hearts and minds of their fellow contestants but Michelle and Graham put up a good fight. (Did anyone else notice how enthusiastically William voted for M&G? Me thinks he and Michelle were besties).

Now comes the forced drama. The way the money works is this:

The pair are separated and forced to decide if they will Share or Keep the money. If they both choose Share, they each get $125,000. If one chooses Share and the other chooses Keep, the person who said Keep will get all the money. If they both choose Keep, the other cast mates will split the money evenly.

You better pick Share.

Now let’s be real, you know they are going to Share the money. I mean, why would you risk it. Also, there is no way in hell Holly could screw Michael over like that. I’m sure we could all agree that it would be understandable for Michael to screw over Holly, but we all know he loves her too much for that to happen.

After some way way way too dramatic alone time, the pair reunite and do what we all predicted they would – Share the Money.

And just like that, it’s over. Micheal and Holly are our winners (although Holly seems like the big winner. Michael – not so much). And another Bachelor Pad season is in the books. Say goodbye to the madness. It will be back again next summer.

Does this mean Share my life with Holly? Wait it doesn't? Oh hell.

What did you think of this season as a whole? Was this your first season watching Bachelor Pad? What did you think?

Did you watch last season? Did you think it was better? Will you miss the crazies? Do you think anyone from this season will come back for next season (I’m looking at you Gia)?

Let me know what you thought.

Oh yeah, and we get to see Ben. He’s still… Ben. Except he says he’s new and improved. I’m not convinced. We’ll have to wait until Jan. 2 (!!!!!!! So long!!!!!!) to find out. Until then, I’ll need a new show to recap on the reg. What do you all think it should be? I’m thinking Real Housewives of Beverly Hills maybe. There’s a lot of new shows starting – could be any of those! Send me your suggestions!

Until next time… stay tuned!

P.S. – They’re casting the next seasons of The Bachelor(ette) – apply here! (And then tell me about it!)

After a season full of crazies and craziness, Bachelor Pad’s second season comes to an end tonight. Yup, that’s right – this entire season of madness will be summed up in a THREE HOUR finale tonight. You read that right, Three Whole Hours. Well, you know they had to wrap this insanity up before the legit shows start again.

Who do you think it will be? Micheal and Holly? Kasey and Vienna? Graham and Michelle? Ella and Kirk (my vote, one can only hope)?

Micheal's Winning Prediction. (ABC/Rick Rowell)

More importantly, are you excited for Holly and Blake to break their engagement news? Have you prepared to deal with the monotone monster that is Ben Flajnik as the Bachelor? I’ve read that he will be there to announce his Bachelor-ness.

Ahh… so much excitement crammed (or prolonged) into three hours. You can bet that tomorrow’s post will be looooong.