Hands Where I Can See ‘Em

Michael ArceneauxFebruary 5, 2009

Well I know what I don’t want for my birthday. A group of individuals have joined together to form the Passion for Christ Movement. They are releasing a series of t-shirts in their ex-series designed to combat the perversions of the world. Their biggest target is masturbation.

Don’t feel left off divas, homos, slaves, and regular ole perverts — their are shirts targeting ya’ll, too. Still, masturbation seems to top their list of things not to do.

If you check out the site, you’ll find a video in which one of the members of the anti-self love movement speak on the evils on personal arousal. I didn’t know whether to laugh or laugh really really hard. I went with the latter before realizing these people were serious. After that dawned on me, I sighed for a millisecond then laughed all over again.

This is why I sometimes think there should be some sort of prerequisite before people are allowed to read the Bible.

I get it: Chronic masturbation is probably bad for your hands and bad for you; but out of all of the things wrong in the world, a normal function is their biggest concern? If I see a lonely homeless man on the street, I’m not going to hand him any change and say, “Now go marry a nice bush woman so you won’t fornicate later on tonight.”

If their goal in life is to get the world to only piss and pray then I only have one thing left to say: