Wednesday, November 9, 2016

What the Democrats should learn from the election of Donald Trump

How to Win -- not just the next election, but Every Election!

This lesson is for the Democrats. You Republicans can go have a beer. Or if you're a Baptist Republican you can go have a nice glass of "sweet tea"*.

You're sitting there all sad. You're thinking "How can our country have elected this ridiculous, stupid monster?" Well, buck up sissypants, that's how Libertarians feel after every fucking election. But, it's still a good question. How DID we elect him?

The simple answer is: You did. Yes, you.

But I digress... let's go back a few months. Democrats basically fielded 2 candidates: the Socialist and The Most Hated Woman in America. Oh, sure, there were a handful more, but how many people can name them without the help of Google or Wikipedia? Now, when you put these candidates up, The Most Hated Woman in America beat the Socialist. The conclusion was, of course, "Hey, look we've got a real contender there!" But there's where you are wrong. What you should have gotten from that is that -- even though he had a lot of very strong support, America would take The Most Hated Woman in America over pure socialism.

But let's keep going, shall we? You then put The Most Hated Woman in America up against the pussy-grabbing reality show buffoon. Now, let me tell you a little something about what went on out here in the trenches. There were some seriously red Republicans that were sneaking off to voting booths to vote for The Most Hated Woman in America because that buffoon was such an awful choice. AND SHE STILL DIDN'T WIN.

Why? Because, dipshit, she was The Most Hated Woman in America. When you give people nothing but awful choices, they are ever so likely to make a awful choice.

Now: I know what you're thinking already. You're going to sit tight and wait 4 years and then point to the catastrophe that occurs. You're going to put up Lefty McSocialinstein. And there is a likelihood that this will work. You'll have elected a Democrat and will have recovered much of the House/Senate. But... what if you could do that and win EVERY SINGLE ELECTION THEREAFTER? Interested?

Here's what you do: Don't run Lefty McSocialinstein. Instead, put in a reasonable, moderate candidate. Put in a candidate that is pro-choice, pro-marijuana, pro gay marriage, pro 2nd amendment, against welfare for rich people and DOESN'T WANT TO EXPAND THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT.

Let me tell you: You'll win in a landslide. And you'll win in a repeatable fashion. You will win so damn much we'll have to use the Googles to remember what that right wing party used to be called.

*which we know is a euphemism for "beer, except my friends can't know."