Reviewer: Luna_Lovegood11Date: 09/24/07 14:39 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

oh gosh this was wonderful!!!!! is this the end???? I hope not. i couldnt believe that jordan was dead, especially since it was haley who cast the curse. not to mention he shares my name, AND my nickname!!!! awww the ending was wonderful.
keep writing!! -jordy

Author's Response: Aw man, I wish I had your name! It's my absolute favourite! I'm assuming you're a girl, huh? I will tell you that there is a girl who shares Jordan P's first name in the second book...

Don't worry, it's not the end! THERE"S ONE MORE! And two more books to follow!

Reviewer: viva_leeDate: 09/24/07 14:30 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

o my goodness, what would have happened if Haley had really killed Jordan??? this story is really good, update soon

Author's Response: 0,0 That would be REAAAAALLY BAD! I think Haley probably knew deep down inside that she couldn't really cast an Unforgivable curse.

Reviewer: Helios SolDate: 09/24/07 14:00 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

Hmm...I hate to say it, but this wasn't one of the better chapters. I think the little Jordan is an Overseer could have been drawn out more. I hate to say this even more, the BlonD mystery was better. I forgot though, didn't you write this a while ago? Did you edit this? Hmm...sorry. 7.5/10

Author's Response: I kind of agree... I thought this chapter could be better. I did write this about two and a half years ago, and I think my writing's improved (but then, the BlondeD thing is one of the most mysterious things I've done!) I have a mysterious new story coming very soon, called "You Say You Want A Revolution?" Keep an eye out for it.

Reviewer: baby bDate: 09/24/07 10:20 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

oh my GOD i loved it, you had me so convinced the Jordan was an overseer i was pratically on the edge of my seat. Keep up the good work!

Author's Response: Oh, zank you so much! I'm glad I convinced you!

Reviewer: Ankh of the nightDate: 09/24/07 9:16 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

Ooooooooooooh after all that waiting it is finally OUT! Jordan really had me going...
Awwwww. Ted kissed Ivy in wolf form!ow Ted was chasing Malfoy around a tree. It would have been funny if Haley hadn’t been so terrified-- Malfoy was yelping at a rather high pitch and was running around flailing his arms like a cartoon character
2 funneh
siriusly.

Author's Response: Don't you think our dear Draco would do that? ^_^ I'm glad you liked it! (Though I'm not so happy that it took 13 days in queue... let's hope Chapter 10 is faster.)

Reviewer: harrypotterfangirl21Date: 09/23/07 23:49 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

The beginning at the lake was really good – I think I’m EXACTLY like Haley. Seriously, it’s kind of freaky how much we are alike.

But then when Malfoy jumps out I was just like, “ZOMGITSMALFOYNJORDANZOMGAGAIN!!11!!!!!!1!!!!one!!!!”

And then I was all, “JORDAN! NO! COME BACK TO THE LIGHT!” because I’m a HUGE Jordan fan, and seeing him become an Overseer really upset me.

The bit where Haley came up with the plan was really good, too – not a side of her we’ve seen before.

The dialogue between Malfoy and Ivy was perfect. I loved how she was all, “I’m not your little Ivy.” Perfect.

“JORDAN!” she screamed in a state of disbelieving shock, tears beginning to well up in her eyes. “YOU…”

“Yes, I’m an Overseer,” Jordan informed her calmly, tearing off his mask. “Our father will be crushed when he finds out who killed his precious little daughter, won’t he?”

I actually started CRYING here, you got me so worked up.

And then I hyperventilated and kept rereading the part where she killed him… and I was shaking and sobbing and stuff. But after a few minutes I got the sense to read on and he was alive and I breathed this HUGE sigh of relief. Which just goes to show how powerful of a writer you can be.

… Malfoy was yelping at a rather high pitch and was running around flailing his arms like a cartoon character.

OK, back to the regular Schmergo here – the one that makes me chuckle.

Malfoy’s worse than dead now… and this is three books long… so what’s next?

And the whole thing about being an Overseer and then turning on Malfoy being Jordan’s fantasy was excellent.

And the wolf-to-Ivy kiss was cute. :)

Can’t wait for more!

- Katie

P.S. Yes, I reviewed this while I was reading it. That's why it's so long and emotionally-charged and all.

Author's Response: Oh, thank you for your lovely, lovely review! I'm actually incredibly glad that you were emotionally affected by the Haley/Jordan duel, because I was worried no one would be convinced. As for Malfoy being worse than dead and there being three books... the conflicts in the next two books aren't exactly because of Malfoy, although there is lots of internal conflict for Ivy and lots of bad stuff from the other members of the Malfoy family... *trying not to give away too much* I think you'll get a not-so-subtle hint about what the second book's about when Chapter 10 comes.

Reviewer: Ankh of the nightDate: 09/23/07 19:45 Chapter: Chapter 1: In Which The Stage Is Set

ZOMG! Jordan is teenage snape with musical talent! I just realized that.
PS: You should make a soundtrack for this story!

Author's Response: Hehehe, JORDAN SNAPERS! Okay, sorry about that. He is. Except cuter. Oh, and here's the funny thing-- I wrote a MUSICAL of this story. But it would be dumb to post it online, 'cos I wrote all the songs myself, myess, so no one will know how the tunes go.

*TEH GASPNESS* Schmergo wrote something - not humor?! Still, though, this is really funny. My brother has shaved his head a few different times. One time, it was around Christmas, and my family was invited to this party. My brother was bestowed a headband of bell-crowned antlers, with a mane on the back. I think we still have the picture sitting around somewhere.

But I'm getting majorly off-topic. I don't usually read second-gen fics, and even though it was by you, I wasn't going to read it, and then my friend was like 'hey, this is awesome' so I read it. And I'm veeeeeeeery grateful to my friend now.

So, characters. Character development is exceptional, though I was afraid for a few chapters that Haley (who is very much like my friends and me) wouldn't get much development, but then she was saved by Ted (who is also a lot like me. Yay multiple personalites!), and has been growing steadily since then. (I'm probably going to say this more than once in this review: this is WAY better than anything I wrote at twelve, or - ever, really.) Ted is very much like his father, but he's been around the Potters and Weasleys a good bit, so he's absorbed some of their personalities, which makes for a very complex character. And if that character if going to get bitten by a werewolf, so much the better. For some characters, being a werewolf would be devastating, but Ted has the history of being around a werewolf, and, as much as it might be a struggle, knowing that he's still human, no matter what he looks like, and it helps him grow.

Ivy. That name is so... Malfoy. Which makes perfect sense. It's almost like, even though the Potters adopted her, and she's no longer a Malfoy in name, her first name is like part of her past holding her back. Having her dad on the loose seems like a manefistation of the amount of power her past has over her. Ivy is beautifully and terribly torn, between loving the father who used to pick her up and twirl her around, and fearing and despising the tattered soul that replaced him. (Okay, that was a little too poetic. Moving on!)

Jordan is emo. Emo emo emo. Every story needs a good emo person, and Jordan fits the bill. The great thing is, unlike some stories, he has a reason to be emo. And he has an awesome rant vocabulary. Oo, idea moment! Is he going to say 'pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeiosis' any time soon? Cause that would be awesome. I love that song he was singing (Everybody's Changing, not Satisfaction, heh)... *goes to iTunes to look for it* *realizes he doesn't, in fact, have an iPod* *is saving for one*

Tyrone is so... believable. I know people very much like him who aren't nearly as likable (and had to room with them for a week - nightmare). He screams 'Teenage!Sirus', but he's more, well, serious than Teenage!Sirus is often portrayed.

Emma is an interesting character. Maybe it's because she's actually normal, at least compared to the other characters. She's kind of a balance for the insanities of the rest of the cast. Lemme guess - something bad's gonna happen to her.

Something I love about this, is that you're not afraid to hurt your characters (like I said, WAY better than I was at twelve). To quote Sirius, 'a deadly struggle for my soul would have broken the monotony nicely.' And deadly struggles did indeed occur, though there wasn't any monotony to break. YAY! VIOLENCE!

*cough* Um, yeah. Bit of a Haley moment, there. A really twisted Haley moment. (I'm going to call random outbursts Haley moments from now on. It's such a great term.)

I really have nothing left I can say, except... holy moley, this is an awesome story! I believe there's another chapter in queue at the moment, so hopefully it won't be too long until it's validated. I am officially hooked.

~Sam

Author's Response: Wow, a lovely-ful long review! I'm glad you like the characters... it is a trilogy, so there is a lot of development to come for these dudes.

ZOMG, pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconeiosis is my favourite word! I use it whenever I can! (Like making up causes of death... it and defenestration are my favourites.)

I know what you mean about feeling like more than one character... because I am like Haley, Emma, AND Jordan! But not emo. ^__^

The funny thing about Tyrone is that I almost always hate people like him in real life, but I really like Tyrone!

Hmmm... never heard Emma described as 'normal' before! Maybe it's because I've written all three stories and you've just read the first 8 chapters of this one, but she's kind of unpredictable and immature in a different way than Haley, kind of emotionally immature. As for whether something bad happens to her... well, you'll have to find out for yourself, won't you?

I feel really bad about hurting my characters, but I can do it-- although I still feel really awful about killing Tyrone's mum and letting Ted get attacked!

I hope you like the rest of it... Chapter 9 has been in queue for eleven days, so let's hope it's validated soon!

Reviewer: harrypotterfangirl21Date: 09/18/07 20:22 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

ZOMGSQUEEDALOPEDIAROMANCEAHOY!!!!!!!!

*Ahem.*

Anyway, just felt like leaving a review on an unvalidated chapter. *hides from Mods*

Oh, and this is a really pointless question, but if you had to ship yourself with one of these OCs, who would you pick? I myself would pick Jordan.

*notice's Schmergo's dropped jaw*

What??? I like him. He's all... angsty and stuuf (yes, that typo was intentional.), and that's cool to me for some odd reason. ^_^

- Katie

Author's Response: Hehehehe, I have ALWAYS liked Jordan! I would love to be best friends with Ted, and I would love to ogle Tyrone shamelessly, but I would probably pick Jordan. I like smart guys!

Although in the third installment of the trilogy, there is a guy character who I REALLY like. *Zips lips*

This is a really good story - I LURVE post-Hogwartiness! And it's by Schmergo (though not destined to be bust-your-gut funny). I'll get back to it, but I've been reading fan fiction for two hours and my brain is getting tired. 10/10!~

Monty

Author's Response: Hooray! A new reader! I think the story gets MUCH better after this chapter (I'm not good at beginnings), and it does have lots of funny parts (hard not to, with a character like Haley), so I hope you enjoy it!

Reviewer: dragonwingsDate: 09/17/07 1:39 Chapter: Chapter 6: In Which Ted Has Quite A Bad Hair Day

Uhhh, woah. Scary./ random weird half of review

Sooo, what to say other than like everything else you've ever written this story is practically perfect in practically every way! I love Ted's character in particular, he's so adorable and I don't know whether I want to adopt him or snog him. :) Same goes with Tyrone--he reminds me very much of Sirius in a way and Emma reminds me very much of Lily in a way. Anyways, I'm going to keep reading--good job!
btw- Zsa Zsa is still the coolest name ever. LOL

Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! I think Ted is adorable, too...(that's why the summary mentions that there's a suspiciously adorable werewolf!), and it makes me happy that you like my characters. I think Zsa-Zsa is a cool name, too. I had to use it in at least ONE of my stories!

Reviewer: dragonwingsDate: 09/17/07 1:25 Chapter: Chapter 4: In Which Tyrone Thomas Does Not Have One of His Better Days

Zsa Zsa= teh coolest name ever!!! :)
Hey Schmergo--just checking out your story!!! I absolutlely love it so far! I'm usually not fan of post-hogwarts but now since the seventh book's our i figure that i should just let it go and read only le best post hogwarts! Anyways I'm a little hyper right now, as you may have noticed but I'm only leaving a little squeal review now... be back later with something a little more concrit! (Hopefully!)
~Allie

Author's Response: I'm not usually a fan of Post Hogwarts either, but I had this plot bunny when I was twelve and doing an RP on neopets (good times!) I'm glad you like it, Allie!

Great job all-around! I loved the ending prank. Keep up the great work! :D

Author's Response: Oh, thank you for your beautiful and detailed review! I'm gonna have to fix those typos.. but I can't until Chapter 9 makes it through the queue or else it'll take forever. I'm glad you liked all the stuff I made Jordan do in this chapter... and next chapter is THE CLIMAX!

Reviewer: aliauthorDate: 09/12/07 19:00 Chapter: Chapter 9: In Which Fate Is Sealed With A Kiss

(The chapter isn't up yet, so I don't know if this review will go up, but oooooh! The title! DO I SMELL ROMANCE? AND ROSES? okay, I'm done. Hope this gets validated soon so I can read it!)

Author's Response: You shall see, young lassie! I really hope it gets validated, because it is TEH CHAPTORZ OF EXCITEMENT!!!11!1!!one!!1!

Reviewer: Ankh of the nightDate: 09/12/07 14:24 Chapter: Chapter 8: In Which Havoc Is Wreaked

I loved the thing about the potatoes. Zambini is like a Snape Clone. In a good way. Snape rocks! It's fun to make fun him.

Author's Response: Thanks! Zabini is a LOT like Snape... I actually designed him to be like Snape but with one big difference (in the third book), but then HBP and DH came out, and there... actually wasn't that much of a difference. I won't give anything else away!

I wrote a big long review last night, but I had to get off the computer and give someone else a turn. Basically what I said was that the genius Keane reference (go Keane! Go Keane! go Keane! I'm done!) was very well placed, and your characters are developing beautifully, except for Jordan, who is developing ugly...ly. If that makes any sense.

Author's Response: Har. I imagined Jordan in skin-tight jeans and I think I ruptured my spleen. I love Keane... it's my favourite band other than the Beatles (because Weird Al Yankovic is a person, not a band.) Thank you!

Schmergo, I just thought of something. What if you had a twin named Schmergo? Then there would be twice the fantastic writing, twice the humour… and you wouldn't be Schmergos, you'd be Schmergi. :D

*putting down the caffeine*

Anyways, onto the actual review! (Yes, there is one.)

First of all, I was really surprised at Jordan almost making it into Slytherin - I never would have suspected that. And the way you showed how Jordan saw the Final Battle was fantastic, but at the same time I *really* wanted to see your version of what happened. (I was a bit disappointed by the lack of epic-ness of the *actual* Final Battle.)

The comparison that Hermione makes between Harry and Dumbledore is brilliant, as well - I loved the twinkle in Harry's eye, and I always kind of wanted him to take Dumbledore’s place.

That made me laugh out loud – it’s like Caps Lock!Harry all over again! With better vocabulary!

And the prank at the end was hilarious! I pulled a Haley (I’m going to say that all the time now – heh.) and FELL OFF MY CHAIR laughing!

Though the bit about Jordan at the end was definitely enough to make me stop laughing (if only for a moment) and feel bad for him.

Hiilariously fantastic chapter – can’t wait for the next one!

- Katie

Author's Response: Haha, Schmergi! I have a friend who calls me Schmergie... (Or 'Mergi,' which I think is possibly the dumbest name, uh, ever.)

Ohh, you will DEFINITELY see my version of the Final Battle in graphic detail... but remember that this a trilogy, and it won't be anytime too soon. But I personally loved the canon one, although mine is totally different.

Yeah, Jordan is suspiciously similar to Harry in several ways... but he's also really different from him, as is EXTREMELY obvious. Poor Jordan doesn't realize his dad was almost in Slytherin himself... I had an inordinate amount of fun making up pranks. My favourite was the potatoes. ^_^

Aw. Poor Jordan. Cool April Fool's Day though! Really Fred (RIP) and George worthy! And hilarious! :D I loved this chapter, seeing into Jordan's head was really great, too. And I love Ted wondering if he has a thesaurus in his head! So funny! And yet bits of it are serious and the whole things is wonderfully written! :D Update soon!

Author's Response: Ohh, thank you! I like contrasting Jordan's serious-ness against Haley's insanity, and this chapter, with Haley and company's pranks and stuff, seemed the best example!