“In order to find yourself, first you must lose yourself.“ I felt rather annoyed by the smug words written in the stupid book in front of me. A supposedly learned treatise on how to live life and feel better. What utter bullshit it was! How dare they suggest that people should become dysfunctional or desperate, before somehow miraculously stumbling across some sort of supposed salvation. Much better to simply skip the bit about becoming lost and go straight to deliverance!
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Noi and I had said our farewells at the airport in Bangkok. I detest airport farewells. I get emotional. The month in Thailand had gone by all too quickly. And, I was not looking forward to England for many reasons. But, I knew my stay there would be brief. I was sad to be leaving Noi. But, we had got to know each other well. Our future was looking good. The trip had also resulted in us finding the house at Kanchanaburi. I could look forward to my return and settling down in that area.
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The international terminal at Chicago O’Hare is a relatively modest affair compared to its futuristic United counterpart at the same site, that airline’s largest, or compared to any of the four other terminals for that matter. Terminal 5 as it’s known is also separated from the rest of the airport so that reaching it requires either boarding an above ground train or getting on a shuttle and taking an escalator down to a nondescript waiting area.
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A final word on multi-meets versus single meets ending with a confession. It is interesting to flip through the blogs and magazine articles that John Abbot has produced over the years. His position on multi-meets has been very consistent over a long time and it probably does not need to be detailed any further in this blog. I will concede that for some men and women the multi-meet is the best approach. However, I know from my own experience that it was not the best approach for me and the many success stories on CLM also seem to support a single meet approach.
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This blog started out as a response to comments made on Peter’s blog How to Fall in Love with a Chinese Woman and you should go read that blog and the comments there to better understand the issues discussed here, but I have tried to write this in a way that you will be able to get it without doing that if you don’t have much time. Having said that, the issue being discussed by Peter in his blog, and the arising issue discussed here, are crucial issues in online dating, especially international online dating, so if that’s what you’re into then you should take the time and read it all.
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One problem that confronts the dedicated user of China Love Match is how to get to know another person in enough depth that you want to fly half way around the world to check them out as a potential mate. For those who are not living in China, this is standard operating procedure: to choose from among the bounty of Chinese women presented on the site a small number to visit and then, from those few, to hopefully find one you wish to get serious about and settle down with.
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NOTE: we're going to start posting items here once a day that may have some valuable meaning, may be damned funny, or may just give you something to think about. This one is one of the "Something to Think About" category of posts.
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Although there are numerous reasons Western men provide for explaining why they join international online dating sites like China Love Match, one that is frequently mentioned is feminism. Now it seems that Western men are not the only ones who have a problem with feminism. A tumblr account "Women Against Feminism" has sparked quite a bit of controversy by portraying women holding up signs detailing their reasons for being opposed to feminism. Here are some of what the signs are saying.
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It says “All roads lead to Rome” which tells us there is not the only one way could lead to a success. Each story has its own unique beginning…But it can be sure that strong faith, good intention, much of every single effort & attention and great patience are necessities of a successful relationship, especially a cross cultural relationship.
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When it comes to international online dating, there are certainly choices. Although eHarmony and match.com are perceived primarily as domestic dating sites, each of these sites has international options as well. In the case of eHarmony, the same website covers both domestic and international dating, while match.com requires international members to purchase a separate membership. Below are my impressions of these sites.
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Lantern Festival falls on the fifteenth day of the first lunar month. This is the first full moon of the new year, symbolizing unity and perfection. The day of Horse Year is on February 14 of the Gregorian calendar, so this day is not only the traditional Chinese valentine's day "Lantern Festival” , but also happens to be "Valentine's Day" in the western tradition. The "jolly meeting" situation repeats every 19 years, the last time came in 1995, the next will appear in 2033.
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Some things are not forgiveable. Deliberate cruelty is not forgiveable. It is the most unforgiveable thing in my opinion, and the one thing in which I have never, ever been guilty.” (Tennessee Williams, "A Streetcar Named Desire"). Lately I've been thinking about deception and online dating. The two things seem to go together, like China's economic growth and horrendous air quality: generally positive phenomena with dark shadow sides.
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Several years ago the abbot at a Zen Buddhist residential center where I was staying for three months requested that I cease writing for China Love Match for the duration of my stay. When I asked why, I was told that this was not an issue for debate but was a requirement of my continued residence. Since I had already written enough columns to cover this period and I was intending on taking a break from writing anyway, I agreed to his conditions.
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I recently had the honor of Asia travel with American President Barrack Obama to the wonderful country of Indonesia. After a long day of statecraft the President would love to disguise himself as a humble spice merchant and go out with me onto the night streets of Jakarta where he would graciously give away American jobs to Indonesians we met.
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Here at China Love Match, the process of international online dating will ultimately lead many to international travel. For those who haven’t had the joy of this experience, I offer the following record of one such trip: my recent journey from Chiang Mai, Thailand to Tucson, Arizona. Hopefully it will help you to know what to expect when it comes time for your China travel. Since the trip crosses time zones and the international dateline, I will use UCT or Universal Coordinated Time (which is the same as Greenwich Mean Time) as the standard.
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I had the pleasure of having a conversation on Skype with an interesting Chinese woman from Beijing. She is attractive and speaks English well enough for me to understand her ideas. Two rather important qualities for a woman to have, in my humble opinion. At one point, she asked about my job and I explained that I am a Contractor and that I travel a fair amount depending on where the work is. She asked if I own a house or rent and I said I rent now because my time is split between two or three locations across Canada.
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