Monday, September 12, 2011

I have to admit the hair loss is freaking me out a lot more. Most notedly was during and after Saturday's shower. As most of you know I cut my hair short because I expected this to start happening. And as most of your post-ops know, hair generally comes out the most in the shower. Well quite a bit was coming out during that shower. I had to clean the drain, even with my short short hair.

Around my ear and on the sides of my head I think is most noticeable.

While getting ready to go out and doing my hair I noticed just how easily I can see my scalp on the sides of my head...that really depressed me. I expected and knew about this but it is really sucking and I feel like I am going to go bald...even though I shouldn't actually go bald.

Considering Saturday was the 8 year anniversary of the day my dad died, it wasn't a really good day starting off.

Well it wasn't all terrible. I am now at 206.4lbs. That is something to celebrate even if I still feel like I am not making a lot of headway.

I have been working on pushing up my physical activity too. If you watch my youtube channel you will know, but for those who don't or haven't recently, I started training and conditioning with a local roller derby team.

I am currently a newbie on the Thunder City Derby Sirens team out of Deland. I have to admit it is starting to take over my life and is somewhat of an obsession as of lately. (and a big reason I haven't been online very much at all.

I have practices Tuesday and Thursday for an hour and a half.

I also bought this skate package as well as a set of outdoor wheels and as soon as they arrive I plan on doing a lot more skating practice on my own.

Sure-Grip Rebels with Invader plates ...mmm delicious...

Even though since starting I have been making progress, just like with my weight loss, I still feel like I am behind the pack (literally since thats what it's called when you are skating in the group in derby haha).

But I am keeping my chin up and I want to see this through and get to a point where I will be able to actually play. I am still doing yoga as well since I think it is good to balance me out and also helps with balance and core muscles that I need for roller derby.

Monday, August 22, 2011

It is sooo easy to get caught up when things feel like they are dragging and then next thing you know you are not doing very well.

Foodwise I am mostly behaving, but I could do better. I need to cook up other stuff, make things more interesting. I have been so tired that I haven't really wanted to do much cooking.

Speaking of tired, I am pretty sure it had to do with my low levels of Vit D. Got blood test back and that was low. Everything else looked pretty good. Iron was a little low but my multi vitamin has it in it.

Some good news- my A1c came back in normal range... it is not at a diabetic level! so does that mean no more type 2? Who knows, supposedly it is for life, but at the very least I am keeping it in control and not having to take anything for it.

I went and got one of those 7 day pill reminder cases so I don't have the excuse of forgetting my pills when I leave for work. I filled it up for the whole week and leave it in my purse. It's working like a charm and I am getting all my vitamins in now. Hopefully I see an improvement with hair and energy...

Nutritionally- I am doing pretty good...

Physically- I am slacking... I need to start moving my ass...big time. I know I could be doing so much more better if I got in regular exercise. Part of it honestly was the low vit D, because all I wanted to do was sleep. It makes sense because its been so rainy here and I have been working long hours, so very little sun.

But part of it has just been me being lazy... so I am thinking, at least some yoga, as well as toning, and some aerobics. 3 nights a week, more if possible. maybe an hour to an hour and a half of my time on those days.

I am sticking the pin-up photo shoot I bought in front of me like a carrot. I want to look the best I can by end of January so I can do this shoot and feel sexy. I've said before, maybe I can't reach goal, but I can get myself close anyways. thats 6 months away...

Truthfully sometimes I really doubt myself, and I know I need to cut that out. I can get to goal, I can reach a much lower weight (one I have never even seen in my adult life). But sometimes it still feels like a really far off dream. You know how you look around sometimes and see others that have done it, and it's like, could that really be me? I so badly want this. Some days its easier to visualize it than others though. Today is rougher...but I think days like this are what make or break you, they matter most because you have to just push through them and keep going. Other days...like the week I lost a ton of weight are a cake walk (minus the cake lol). The hard days are what get you to the good days again.

I suppose that is true for life in general and not just the journey of losing weight.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Well... not really... but oh man, as soon as I hit 3 months out, I feel like I am shedding almost as much as my dog. She shed a lot btw. We could reconstruct several dogs out of the shed fur we are always cleaning up.

But back to me... I can't SEE the difference in my hair's thickness, but I know it's comeing out because its on my shoulders, and when I wash my hair I have a decent amount that comes off in my hands. :(

I was prepping for this but it's still a little depressing. I'll get over it though. My weight is still dropping pretty well this past week and still going. I am now down to 213.2lbs! getting close to 200!

I have a dr's appt tomorrow and plan to go get my labs done following the appt. Hopefully things look good.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Im sitting pretty at 214.8 lbs today and dropping! So far about 6 lbs gone just this week. 3 months since surgery as of yesterday as well! Stalls are always a little scary, but just have to work through them and keep going. I've come to the realization that sometimes my body likes to do this.

Regardless of how well I am eating or exercising it still is reminding me that it is the head general... and it decides when...

Actual recreation of my weight loss process

Hold it....

Hold it.....

And GO! Charge!

So yea... I'll be keeping on doing what I am doing. Watch my intake, get my butt moving...keep on going.

Now I haven't yet made a list of things I want to do when I reach certain goals...but now I have to say I have good reason to keep myself focused.

Yesterday on groupon I happened across this. That's right... 20 bucks for a pin-up/boudoir photo session ($100 value). I bought that groupon yesterday and I have until Feb 12, 2012 to use it. Now... obviously I cannot force myself to be down to my goal weight by then...though anything IS possible. But I can work hard and get my body in the best shape I can before then and have a fabulously sexy photo session.

If you haven't guessed by my banner, I absolutely love vintage looking pin-ups. My kitchen is red white and black with b&w framed postcards of betty page everywhere. So when I started on this journey I had decided that one way I would celebrate goal is by getting pin-up photos of myself. But you know what. I am going to celebrate me even when I am not at goal yet because I deserve it.

I think if I stick to it, regardless of if I am at my magical goal weight yet, I am going to have some sexy ass photos of myself.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Something stranged happened this week at work. It wasn't any more stressful than usual.But something in me

CAN'T WAIT FOR YOGA TOMORROW!

Seriously. Andrea and I are talking about doing 2 classes tomorrow instead of just the one. The second class is a bit more easy going. (It's called Big Beautiful Yoga and is aimed more towards plus-sized ladies and is a bit more gentle on you).

Also, I may have bought some new yoga gear. Like these tanks I found on clearance at target...

And a pretty purple yoga mat with a lotus flower on it :) As well as a carrying strappy thing for it :).

You have to have a mat for class and I have committed to going to these regularly now so I bought a premium one that was a bit thicker. I had a cheaper one from walmart but it ripped :(

Also I may be upgrading to a mat bag, because...it will be convenient to carry my things around in when we go to this event next month!

Rasa-Lila, which can be freely translated from Sanskrit into “the dance of love”, has all the makings of a nationally sought after yoga and wellness festival. Like some of its older and more seasoned festival counterparts, Rasa-Lila offers festival goers a complete one-day retreat package in a breathtaking and engaging natural setting.

I have been toying with getting into doing 5k's again. Really I only ever did one, but it was fun. I just am frugal and don't like to spend the money :( However, if this comes to Orlando... I am doing it...and training hardcore for it.

A zombie infested 5k obstacle course!!!!!!!

For those that don't know... I love everything zombie. My car is affectionately known as The Zombie Hunter and has a sticker on the back that reads "zombie outbreak response vehicle"

I'm sure I'd be amusing to watch trying to get through this 5k as I am so easily startled in everyday situations.

Seriously the hubby can scare me so bad I shriek just by staring at me while I do my makeup in the mirror (if I didn't realize he was standing there).

He enjoys doing this regularly too.

Me being chased by zombies that pop out of the woods at me would be hilarious for any spectator.

You know... I have noticed since I can't obsess over food anymore (seriously it's like a switch was shut off when my surgery was done) I find that I am throwing myself head long into other endeavors such as the yoga and writing and I love it. Most of them are healthy....maybe except my increased amount of time playing video games (but hey, that can be a good stress reliever too!)

One good video game I am doing is Dance Central on the Kinect. Some of the dances aren't toooo challenging or intense, but as you move down the song list and bump up the difficulty you can give yourself a decent aerobic workout!.Also you can put on workout mode and it estimates time dancing and calories burned.

Here are vids of people dancing to my 3 of my fave songs to dance to on it (and in my opinion they give GREAT workouts!

Also the video game guy is my favorite character to dance with hehehe. I <3 emo boys :)

LapDance-N.E.R.D.

RumpShaker

and also

Push it

You will NOT see ME filming myself doing these on my youtube channel though....sorry kids :)

Anyways.. I suppose that is all today. Feeling better now that I am getting in working out. Scale is sort of moving. Though I am not updating til it gets back below 219.8 since that was what I had last recorded (I think).

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Things have been very busy at work, and just with me in general. All good things though.I meant to do a video update this weekend but didn't get around to it. Feeling a bit under the weather this week.

I really don't have too much to talk about. My weight isn't budging for the last couple weeks which makes me a little grumpy... but I am paying more attention to my protein, as well as trying to start doing exercise regularly.

I started a yoga class on Saturday mornings. Its basic Hatha yoga and I loved it. My muscles were a little sore after, but in a good way. One of my best friends, Andrea, had been asking me to go with her and I am glad I finally did. I'll be definitely going regularly with her.

They also are trying out a bollywood dance class and I may go to that to check it out. I love dance classes and loving watching bollywood type dancing. Ive previously taken belly dancing classes and loved that. While still in school I did ballet, hip hop and tap. Dance has always been a love of mine. In fact one of the things I am thinking of doing closer to goal is a burlesque dance class.

Also, if you saw my last video you know I have gotten back to pursuing a career as a writer. Well I finally finished my first draft of my debut novel AND am currently revising it before I hand it over to two beta readers (think like beta testers). If you are curious and dont mind my shameless self promotion, you should check out my author blog. www.midtown-underground.com.

In case you are curious about what I am writing here is the blurb from the back cover and the front of the book cover.

A year ago, Dillan witnessed Jamie-her fiance, being murdered.
But now, she is about to discover a secret he had been keeping from her.A twin brother named Trey.
But when his estranged brother knocks on her door one evening she starts to wonder what else was kept from her. Does Trey know more than he is letting on?

Sometimes the truth hurts.

In Dillan's case, it could kill her.

So yep... done self-promoting, but if you all are interested definitely consider following that blog. I also post episodes of another story (based in the same ficitional city of Midtown), I am picking it back up this week.

See? I am a busy bee.

Doing my best not to be grumpy about the "pause" in my weight loss progress though I imagine others feel scared that they woke up and the weight won't resume disappearing. And I have been guilty of NOT getting in physical activity like I should be. I need to create a schedule, post it somewhere and just stick with it. I like working out too. Just have been letting being a grump get the best of me (hence my silence here too). At least yoga is one step in the right direction.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Well I had thought I uploaded a video last weekend but apparently it never loaded. Oh well. I'll just try and get one in this weekend.

My long month of training at my second job is over! As of last night I took my last test and then celebrated with a few fellow classmates via an xbox live party! I am a nerd and I fully admit to that. In a couple more weeks my schedule will be reduced and I should be better able to set up a regular workout schedule and blogging schedule. I miss posting on here regularly. I also want to catch up with all the blogs I follow.

Speaking of I see a couple new followers... if you want to post you blog in the comments I'd love to check out your blogs!!

So is everyone ready for the long weekend? My nephew is going to be over so I am excited to bond with him this weekend. Other than that I plan to relax a little. Get in some reading, video gaming and relaxing.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Sorry my blog has grown a bit quite as of lately. This past 2 weeks I have been doing both jobs full time as well as studying for my Life Insurance exam. (My day job needed me to have it). Luckily I passed the exam so that is at least one thing I can breathe easier about. Training for the second job has been quite grueling, but still enjoyable. I think it is going to be a good part time job for me. I have this week and next week left of training, then the 2 weeks after that is more on the job training (we take calls, they critique etc). After that I will be able to drop my hours hopefully to about 25 a week (though possibly as much as 35).

My weight loss is going well and I continue to see differences in my body. My boobs have shrunk and I can wear some of my smaller bras :). My clothes are getting baggy but I am still super hesitant to buy anything new. I did find a pair of dark blue pants for work at good will (size 18 and a lil stretchy). So no burning of the pants just yet since I still need smaller black pants.

Dietwise I have mostly been behaving. My nieces bday was yesterday and I will admit I had a little bit of ice cream cake. Mainly just the strawberry ice cream and some frosting...I left the actual cake part. It was yummy, no issue and I didn't want any more. Today is back on the straight and narrow, but I don't feel bad about the cake. The rest of my choices were good at my aunts. And guess what? I am now down to 234!!!!

Two more pounds and I will be 40 down from my highest weight! And now... I feel like I can see onederland on the horizon. I was hoping to be under 200 by my birthday in late November, but now I have a feeling I should aim for even less. Maybe 170? That would be the best birthday every. I am not pinning myself to it, but man if I do it I will have lost over 100 lbs total by my birthday. Either way as long as I keep going in the right direction I will be a happy girl.

Unfortunately I havent been exercising like I've wanted to...but working so many hours all I want to do is relax on the weekend. I think once I hit my schedule for that its supposed to be when I start taking calls, it will be easier. Sure I don't get any days off work (if I dont work one job I am working at the other etc). But at least I only have 3 potential days that are going to be extremely long. Out of the rest I am sure I can find time to workout.

Well that's all for now. Not much else going on in my busy little world but I wanted to check in with everyone!

Friday, June 3, 2011

No... I am not a liar. However as a joke, pre op I did say that I planned for my work pants (the one pair that fit) to die a violent and fiery death in our fire pit as soon as they were too big. Reason was the zipper doesnt work right so if I dont have a safety pin on the top the pants unzip themselves. HOWEVER, it also liked to undo the safety pin because they were snug and it would result in getting lil needle jabs on my tummy and on my fingers when trying to reclasp the safety pin.

Well children....it looks like this pair of pants may face their death shortly. I am still wearing a safety pin on them, but it is more to keep them up because they are big on me now lol.

Ironically as much as I hated these pants I now like them, because they truly show just how far I have already come in one month. Also I am tempted to save them as my BEFORE pants. I do have a pair of jeans that would also make good before pants...

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

So the scale agreed with me today. It decided I deserved to see a loss this week. I am down 2.4 lbs this week! Since surgery thats 18.4 lbs down (in 3 weeks! woohoo). Adding in pre op diet thats 23.4 which is awesome! That brings me down past 30 lbs from my highest weight of 272!!!!!

I am feeling pretty good and more encouraged as I head toward week 4.

Now I need to create a Weight Loss Bucket List of sorts. I have yet to make a list of rewards for myself and I feel that though money is tight I can afford to a little something when I hit big goals. I have been meaning to make this list but just haven't gotten around to it.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

My scale comes out of hiding, tonight while I sleep. Tomorrow morning is the showdown. 3 weeks post op and I have no idea what to expect from that vile creature.

I can tell you I have been following my post op plan! I have determination and I refuse to waiver. Ive started working out. In fact I have been working out everyday for the last week.

Yet still the fear of getting on my scale tomorrow is there. I think we get used to seeing the number go up and up and up and feeling helpless as we watch it do so, that when we do actually start losing weight, we expect at some point the scale to start going back up, even if we are doing everything we are supposed to make it go down.

So I guess we will see what happens tomorrow. All I can do is hope for a little bit of a loss. I'd love to say I am in the 230's tomorrow but I have a feeling that may be wishful thinking. The last few days I have just felt fat. I know I have lost and I know some things are fitting looser but I guess I don't feel smaller.

Monday, May 30, 2011

I feel like today is an I feel fat day. Not sure why. Heck the nightgown I am wearing is a lot bigger than it used to be on me, yet I feel that way. I guess I am scared as Wednesday approaches. I know the numbers on the scale don't mean everything, but it would be nice if they moved. I am so close to cracking into the 230's that its ridiculous.

This weekend has been going well. Aside from having a bit too many carbs yesterday I have been doing better on soft foods as far as getting in a decent amount of protein. Still needing to work on my water intake but I really am trying my hardest on that.

I worked out both Saturday (EA Active 2.0) and Sunday (swimming with the family, but did a few laps too). I plan on probably swimming today as well. I don't think I am going to push myself though, I just want to chill out today.

I am a bit stressed about this coming week as it is, aside from not seeing the numbers on the scale decrease. I start training from home for my second job on Wednesday night. I soundproofed my office as best I could from my dog's barks, so hopefully she isn't any issue. Training is 4pm- 12 AM.

So basically for the next month, while I am training, my weeks are going to be:

Monday-Friday

1st job

7am-3pm

2nd job

4pm-midnight

Weekends:

Collapse from exhaustion.

Luckily pretty much all my food right now is very easy and quick to make so I guess that's good. Robert and Madi know at least for this month they are going to have to worry about their dinner and help me as much as they can around the house because I will be quite busy.

After training in June, then I have Tuesdays and Wednesdays off, BUT I will have to work weekend nights most likely. My availability to them is Thursday-Monday and they will schedule me between 20-35 hours (I am hoping only 20, but hey if they make me work more then its that faster that we can pay off things).

Madi is still looking for a job (hopefully she will have an interview this coming week), but once she finds something we will be able to get our AC fixed and then work on paying off stuff.

Aside from my weight loss goals, I want to work over the next year or so at cutting down our financial obligations, so after we fix our AC the plan is:

Pay off surgery

Pay off credit cards (Really don't have much cc debt woohoo)

Pay off car

Work on paying down student loans.

Save Incaseshit money (In case shit happens).

I may be working my ass off this coming year (in more ways than one) but I think long term it will be worth it. Sometimes I do doubt myself. I doubt that I can do this, just like I doubt sometimes that I will reach my goals....but I am just going to push on ahead and hopefully I will get where I want to be and the hard work will pay off.

Also: To my followers on here! I see a couple more on here! Thanks! If I am not following your blog already, comment in the comment section with your blog link so I can follow you :) I love reading fellow wls people's blogs a lot, and many times you guys inspire me.

Friday, May 27, 2011

This bad boy is going to take me all day to eat I think. With the eggs, tuna and mayo added in, there is about 3 servings of tuna salad in there (update...yea no its at least 4 servings lol). and then the 2 babybels are snacks...BUT I will be at work for a good 10 hours today so this should be fine. Honestly it looks like way more because of the container, but I measured it out. I had a little forkful (on my tiny fork) and it seemed to go down and was tolerated very well.

For dinner (if I have room lol) is ricotta with some pizza sauce and a pinch of stredded parmesan.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

I am feeling less blah today than I have in the past few days. I think it helps that I am moving to soft foods as of tomorrow, but whatever, I am not a grumpy B like I have been the past few days.

Today my coworker and I found another route to walk that has a bit more shade and is just more of a scenic walk. This is day 3 now that we have gone for a walk around lunch time.

I have been tracking us with My Tracks on my Android phone since I love being able to see stats.

Here they are for the day.

Total Distance: 1.54 km (1.0 mi)

Total Time: 20:36

Moving Time: 19:38

Average Speed: 4.49 km/h (2.8 mi/h)

Not too bad for a start. Back and forth is 1 complete mile, so maybe soon we can get it to 2 miles during lunch.

Either way, right now I don't feel so bad if I don't get another walk in at home. I think for just over 2 weeks post op I am doing fine. Not pushing myself, but still breaking a bit of a sweat.

I wanted to weigh myself so bad this morning when I woke up... but alas the scale has been hidden at my request, so until next Wednesday. I can, however, measure myself when I get home. I have been meaning to. I think I am just afraid I haven't lost that many inches lol. I also need to do a video update. I just don't know what to say I guess.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

So I think I can call it official. My weight has been stuck at 244-243.8 for the last 5 days. I am not going to bitch and gripe though even if I am a bit grumpy about it. I had Madi hide the scale while I am still at work so I don't obsess over it during the next week. According to the forums it may not even budge for the next week. Today is 2 weeks since surgery and apparently stalling after about 10 days is not uncommon so I guess I will just suck it up.

Here is what my daily intake consists of at the moment:

2 bottles of Isopure @ 1 carb, 170 Calories, 40 grams protein

At least 44 oz but trying to push it to 64 or higher (my goal is 88oz)

1 cup of soup at night (last night was a cup of Chicken, broccoli cheese and potato)

1 SF chocolate pudding.

TOTALS:

590 calories

14 grams of fat

30 grams of carbs

87 grams of protein.

Also taking 1 Centrum Silver chewable multivitamin, 500 mcg b12 sublingual and 20 mg prilosec 2 x a day. I know I need to get in my calcium pill but it isn't chewable and I am afraid to start taking it because even though the container says petites, they look HUGE.

Yesterday I walked about .75 miles.Today I have already walked 1 mile.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

I swear since this weekend I have had one strange and unsettling dream after the other. Last night's took the cake...literally.

I had a dream that Robert, Madi and Me were going out to eat and people kept trying to give me cupcakes. A few times I almost gave in and ate one but then Robert would take it away and give it to Madi. I would get upset but then I realized "oh yea, I had surgery! I can't have that!"

LOL

Yes, evil cupcakes. Not much else to report. Doing my best to deal with stress and emotions in more healthy ways. I downloaded an app on my phone (android) called My Tracks. It uses google maps to track my walking, including distance, speed, and elevation. Madi helped me find my workout sneakers, so I am excited to go for a walk today and track my progress. Afterwards I think I will spend some time either working on my first draft of my book I am writing, or work on my drawing. Thinking positive, positive, positive.

Monday, May 23, 2011

That's how I feel today. Slightly moody. Maybe like everyone says its just hormones being released from the fat they were previously trapped in. Also I am back in the office today and while I am happy to see most people here I just feel annoyed by others. No negative surgery comments however which is nice.

I wish I could go back home though. I guess since I can't eat away these feelings any longer I am going to try and take a relaxing walk tonight once the sun goes down so it isn't too hot out. The heat really makes my incisions itchy and irritated.

I have other stuff on my mind too, like a horrible stupid dream I had the other night that just kind of messed with me a little too much and hit close to home. Also I didn't mention (because I was in a good mood and didn't want to talk about it) but on saturday I got into a minor car accident. Thank Goodness I didnt get ticketed...the cop must have been in a good mood. And the people are willing to work with me instead of going through insurance (my car got wayyyyy more damage anyways -_- ). But nonetheless still sucks. I guess I am off my island of solitude and the real world is hitting full force and I just don't want to deal with it right now.

Anyways..things will work out...they always do. At the very least I keep telling myself that and things really do seem to have a way of working out if I put in a little effort. I got my credit check back and everything looks good for me to start the second job...so there is that...

but now comes the next hurdle. Getting Robert's car fixed and making sure there is a way for me to keep lainey from barking while I am working. My uncle gave me some ideas to sound proof my home office for less and I will probably invest in a better noise canceling headset. But it all takes money.

That's all for now. Just breathing, making myself drink my protein and water, and reminding myself that what I am going through is probably a normal part of this process. I did my make up today and painted my nails last night, so trying to tell myself today that I look very pretty. People at work have been saying they can already see a big difference. For me looking in the mirror I may as well be in a fun house because some days I see it and some days I really don't.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

I forgot to share something super memorable from my trip to Tijuana. This commercial came on a lot in our hotel room and I found it highly amusing... just wait for the smiley push up guy, you will understand.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

So I am still here... I suppose I am a heathen hehe. Sorry I just had to.

I did happen to see a shirt in the parking lot of 7-11 and amused myself with the thought that maybe they were raptured...but then I was confused as to why they weren't apparently wearing pants when they were...

Anyways on to wls-related things. Today was a day surrounded by food I couldn't eat as I went to my aunt's for my nephew's 10th birthday! He was quite excited about hitting double digits. It went better than I thought. I did smell the burgers my uncle cooked out on the grill but wasn't tempted by them. I brought over protein, a cup of soup and a sf chocolate pudding for when everyone had cake. Speaking of my protein, I ended up going to back to GNC and getting more Green Tea Isopure. I tried to do the protein shakes I had gotten from wal-mart pre-op, but wouldn't you know it.... I found them repulsive (I almost puked) as well as I found it hard to keep the carbs at level I wanted.

So right now I am doing 1-2 bottles of Isopure per day, 1 cup of soup, and maybe a sf pudding if I feel like it. That would put me at roughly 37 carbs , and 40-80 grams of protein. Once I hit soft foods next week I plan to incorporate tuna, ricotta and the like and maybe have 1 isopure a day. I got the gold card at GNC so that when I get them it is a little cheaper. For now I really like them and I am a creature of habit. I rather be able to have some soup and some pudding right now without it blowing up the amount of carbs I take in.

Physically I am feeling nearly back to normal except that my larger incision is still kind of achey and red. It doesn't appear to be infected and I have kept it clean. I am a slow healer so this doesn't surprise me. The rest of them are just scabbed now and no pain. I am ready to get more physically active so slightly frustrated I need to wait about 3 more weeks. I suppose though I can just keep increasing walking and maybe try out some exercises on EA Active 2.0 on easy mode. I need to find my workout sneakers though first and foremost.

That's all for now, 1 more day being at home and then I return to the office! Excited to see some of my work buddies. Also I recieved the report back regarding my background and credit check for the other job and it looks like all things should be a go for me to start that on June 1st. I am pretty excited about it, though now we have to get Robert's car fixed because juggling one car is going to be impossible as my hours will completely clash with his. We also now need to figure out a system for when he gets home so that Lainey doesn't bark while I am on a call. (That will get me fired.).

Friday, May 20, 2011

I know, I know! I am in the honeymoon stage with my sleeve. It is fine I am enjoying it and staying compliant. Keeping an eye on my intake and all that jazz. Now that I feel better able to drink stuff I am getting a bit more protein in. About 80 grams a day...and WOW has it made a difference. Or at least I think it has.

Today I am sitting pretty at 246.8lbs! I can see the 230's in the not so far distance! When I was on Medifast, that was actually where I started my Medifast journey...at 230.

So hey, at least I will have gotten rid of the 42 lbs over that I had gained over that number. I added another ticker to my progress page so yo can see my total loss as well as my loss since the surgery.

Today starts my full liquids! YAYYYY! I had a chocolate protein shake this morning, which with nonfat milk puts me at 34 gm of protein already. I plan on having a blended cup of soup (if I can eat the whole cup, if not I will save some for later) for lunch and another shake tonight. I should be close to if not at 80 grams of protein for the day. My carbs will be around 52 for the day, which is pretty much like my pre op diet I suppose and a lil higher than I'd like, but it's only for this week. That should be fine, right? Once I move to soft foods I think it will be a bit easier to cut out carbs and keep them around 30 a day.

I got a blender at wal-mart last night... a knock off magic bullet called the rocket blender. So far so good and it has multiple cups etc. My only complaint is that the storage lids are not water tight :( It would have been nice to be able to make a shake in the morning and one for lunch since I return to work Monday. Alas maybe I will just bring in soup for lunch. and do the shake at night.

Also I have a new addition to our household. I had been planning on getting a pet snake for a while now but Robert didn't want me getting it til after surgery because if something happened, he was freaked out at the thought of having to take care of it. So I got her this week.Meet Harley Quinn (named after the villainess on Batman!) She is a hatchling hypomelanistic corn snake and is about 17 inches long! Sorry if you don't like reptiles or snakes...but she is actually pretty sweet and great being handled. I fell in love with her colors at first site. She is my "I got through the surgery like a big girl" reward I suppose.

Also another exciting revelation happened this week. I got a phone call from another work at home call center type job that they wanted to interview me. The interview went great and pending my credit check meeting their requirements (since I will be handling credit cards and payments etc) I am going to be employed by them part time. They pay hourly and there isn't any selling involved so this is a much better opportunity than the other work from home job I have been doing. I get paid regardless of if I get a call and they even offer benefits. If they are better than my current job I may have to switch over. I already know they have a matching 401k where my full time job doesn't. (lame I know...)

So...wish me luck...send me some good vibes and hope that I am able to meet their credit requirements!I am pretty excited about it but trying not to get my hopes up. I am pretty sure I should be fine but...not positive lol.

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Wow, I am already one week post-op! I can't believe it. And what's the grand total for the week?

8.4 lbs Down!

Not too shabby at all! Add in that I have in fact lost inches and feel just less fluffy in general and its been a good week. I am going to try and up my protein to see if I can't do a little bit more this week! Almost out of my clear liquids...YAY!!!!!! I am so ready for some cream of chicken soup or even just a protein shake. I will probably go get a single serve blender from wal-mart tomorrow.

So this past week I have been drinking liquid Isopure. Some people love it, some people hate it, and some just tolerate it. I personally found a flavor I love! GREEN TEA! It is so yum! To me, anyways, it reminds me a little of Arizona Green Tea. The other flavors I got, it was a chore trying to drink the whole bottle. Having the green tea flavor yesterday I had gotten in 40 grams before noon!

I am returning the last 2 of the other flavor for green tea either today or tomorrow. I can see even down the line ordering a case of the green tea and having them here and there when I am on the go. Zero carb and a yummy way to get in your protein. I have some other stuff to share but I will save that for another post so this one doesn't get too long. See you all tomorrow!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

At first this show slightly annoyed me. Some of the usual "fat girl habits" that the main character has in the show to me at least seemed a bit over-dramatic and really pushed the whole stereotypical view of obese people. However I like the actress that plays the main character so I have still been watching the first season on Netflix here and there.

Finally this show gave me something aside from the awesome actress that plays Jane Bingum. I was watching Episode 9: The Dress. In this episode Jane finds a gorgeous dress in a magazine like Vogue and decides since she is a lawyer and makes enough she wants to buy it. When she goes into the clothing store they only carry up to size 10...Jane is a size 16. Have we not all been there?? You see something gorgeous on the rack and search with hope that your size is somewhere in that rack--only to be sorely dissappointed. That is sucky enough!

But what happens to Jane after that really hits home. They ask a store clerk if there is any larger sizes of the dress elsewhere in the store and the clerk rather rudely says "the dress isnt meant for her silhouette" another clerk also suggests she go to one of the bargain outlet type places to find something with an empire waist. When Jane asks "Are you asking me to leave?" the women smirks and says "also have a good day."

OMG I wanted to slap the bitch! Being treated like that is something I think a lot of us could relate to. Maybe I wasn't kicked out of a clothing store before, but I was certainly treated like I was less important than someone else of a smaller size than me. Of course because its a show, ultimately Jane gets the store to realize they are discriminating AND cutting off a big portion of women as most are not size 10 and under. Unfortunately that does not usually happen in real life, does it?

I am so glad I had this surgery but I have realized that I never should have been ashamed of myself regardless of my size. I never should have let anyone else make me feel ashamed of myself. I am making a pact to myself, and to other obese individuals like myself that I will never be ashamed of, or forget the woman I am right now, even when my size is under a 10.

In fact here are some reasons why I am so awesome the way I am right now!

1- I have pretty brown eyes! They look especially sexy with blue and purple eye make up!

2- I am a pretty darn good writer! One day I will have a book published...

3- I am artistic and creative.

4- I can be very comedic and do pretty good impressions of others.

5- I can dance...big or small I can shake my ass!

6- I look awesome with short hair--not everyone can pull that off!

7- Even at a heavier weight I have nice leg muscles

8- I have sexy full lips

9- I am well-known for my big boobs

10- I am caring, loving, and loyal. I am always willing to give people a chance.

So yeah... I am loving me today. Tell me what you love about you! I wanna know!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

I thought you all would want to check out my leak check since I got a dvd copy of it. Short vid but you can see the sleeve and no leaks! I am back home now, so now the real recovery starts. So happy to be home with my animals and the hubby. So glad Madi came with me as I don't think I would have gone through with it by myself. She helped me a lot the whole trip.

So I noticed after a bit my new sleevie likes to act up. I would be doing my thing, sipping slowly, and taking breaks when I need to. But then BOOM chest feels like there is pressure. No matter what it won't go away. Finally I decided to take some of my acid reducer my dr gave me. Sure enough almost instant relief.

I havent been able to sleep and I felt hungry so I had half a syntrax nectar (leaving the rest for breakfast). Sure enough its been a good 12 hours since I last had my omeprazole and there is that same tightness. Again its gone nearly instantly after taking it.

This sleeve thing... definitely is a learning in progress type deal. You really can't explain things until you are on that side and then its like OHHHH thats how that feels etc.

I still can't sleep and the people in the room next to us are strumming a guitar and singing. I don't mind it at all, its actually pretty and soothing. Might just lull me back to bed. I suppose its a fitting end to my trip to Tijuana Mexico hehe. (reminded me of something el mariachi plays in desperado).

Friday, May 13, 2011

So now that we are out of the hospital I figured it would be a good time to write a bit more about the last few days. So after quite a bit of traveling, from Orlando to LAX then to San Diego, we were picked up by Alberto the driver and taken into Tijuana. They were running behind so I didn't go straight to the hospital. Instead my coordinator took me to her hotel room , so I got to see the hotel I would be at today.

The hotel is very nice and comfortable, though admittedly I am having trouble getting comfy to take a nap.

Anyways, So finally they were ready for me. I get taken to the INT Hospital, am prepped for surgery and get all my pre-op testing done. After they finish testing, I was left in my room with Madi to wait while they got results back and prepped everything else. I broke down and cried, feeling bad that I have gotten to this point of needing the surgery to begin with. (This is normal I think though). Dr. Rodriguez came in and was so nice and kind and put my at ease.

Shortly after, the anesthesiologist came in and talked to me, then it was off to surgery. Surgery went well according to the Dr and was very text book procedure. When I came to though I was nauseated and in pain and quite fussy with everyone, though honestly I don't remember most of this. The next day however was much better. I still needed pain and nausea meds but I could walk around just fine and felt much better. I have since been tolerating first ice chips then fluids quite well. Later that day they did my barium swallow and it came out successful , no leaks!

Last night I had some trouble sleeping but overall any pain or discomfort was handled quickly by the staff. Today they released me and I am now at the hotel relaxing. Madi is finally getting sleep on a decent bed instead of the little bench they have in your room. I am feeling very upbeat and happy I did this today. I feel like I did the right thing for myself and have no gained some power back over my life. It won't always feel easy I am sure, but I think that this was the best decision I made for my life right now.

I have uploaded pics from both the hospital and the drive into TJ on flickr, so you can check them out here.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Well I got sleeved yesterday, later in the afternoon. Last night was pretty rough for me. Didn't throw up, but felt like I would. Today has been better. I still have some gas pain but am getting there... walking lots, doing my breathing exercise, taking my gas-x strips annnd I got my cup of ice chips. Though honestly I am not feeling hungry at all.

Will give a bigger update probably from the hotel tomorrow. So far so good.

Monday, May 9, 2011

As my final pre-op days are dwindling down, I find myself thinking about the awesome people that have been there for me pre op and are going to be there post-op and I feel pretty blessed.

There is Robert, my husband, whom has always wanted for me to feel good about myself, and to be healthy. He has been and always was a big supporter of me in everything that I do. I know he wants me to succeed at whatever I try and is one of my biggest cheerleaders. Plenty times he has let his wants take a backseat over things I want or need. I am going to find a way to make this up to him. He is amazing.

Then Madi, she is the bestest friend I could ask for, she not once has been judgemental of me and is always supportive. We have fun and laugh together and when I'm upset she is there to listen to me. She puts everyone else first, including me (which sometimes drives me nuts lol). I couldn't be more happy to have her be able to come with me to Mexico. I know If I am feeling like shit, she will be sure to help me out or at least hold my hand. I know I could get through surgery on my own, but I am glad I don't have to. I am so grateful to have her in my life.

Michele, another amazing friend of mine that can knit up anything and everything and has always been supportive of me regardless of what I was doing. She is very happy for me getting the surgery, she even helped us out when money was tight and we had to expedite and upgrade Madi's passport, just so I didn't have to go alone. I wish she didn't live so far away, but that doesn't stop us from being such great friends. I plan to visit her when she moves even FURTHER away, from South Dakota to Oregon and get my knit on with her.

Dana and Chris, They are sitting at my house right now with Madi, waiting for me to get off work so they can visit with me one last time before the big surgery. I have known dana for sooo many years now, as well as her boyfriend, and they are family to me. I love them and they are awesome. Of my local friends, they live the furthest away, yet they seem to be the ones that visit us the most. That speaks volumes, especially with how much gas is. Dana is already excited about the thought of buying clothes in similar sizes :).

My MOMMY! Although she is worried, she is very happy for me and can't wait to see me lose. I am hoping in a couple years once she gets on Medicare, maybe she can get the surgery too. I love my mom, and despite our differences we have at times, that's never changed.

I have several co-workers that know about my surgery. I am not embarrassed by the fact I am having surgery. Nor should I be. Not one of them has been negative about it. As I get ready to leave them for a week and a half they all excited to see me when I get back and watch me shrink as the months go by lol. One of them today told me her and I need to have our last pow wow (chatting about the surgery) before I leave tomorrow.

And finally but not least by any means are my followers, on here and on youtube. I know some of you are a few steps ahead of me, others are a few steps behind...and some are right where I am. Either way I love reading your posts, I love reading your comments and I love the fact that we are able to find people we can relate to thanks to places like obesity help and blogspot and youtube.

Despite some family being very worried and against me going, even they are supportive in some way. But even so , reading back through what I just wrote I have a really awesome support system already. To everyone, thanks!

So Mother's day went well. Saw my mother and my one aunt (that hasn't really been on me about this surgery), as well as my brother, uncle, niece and my 2 nephews. Nobody talked about my surgery aside from asking when I left and my brother saying he would worry about me until I was home. It was a nice and laid back day with the family, then an equally relaxing evening at home with Robert and Madi.

I got the last bit of stuff I would need for my liquid diet. Makes me giggle that our whole grocery bill for the week (including a big bag of rachel ray dog food for Lainey Dog and a bag of Iams for the kitties) came to less than 50 bucks! I am doing mainly shakes these last 2 days just due to being busy. I might have chicken tomorrow night but meh. I am kind of sick of chicken. At least I had steak at my aunt's yesterday. THAT was yummy and instead of ketchup or BBQ sauce I put a bit of salsa on it! So good and way less carbs.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

What do you think of the new look of the blog? I need to take out that flower petal bit in the banner but otherwise I am pretty happy with how it came out. I thought as I am getting ready to go into surgery--- a big change in my life-- why not change things up on the blog as well? l am decent when it comes to photoshop skills.

I am currently at work. It is quiet and there are not many people here. I was hoping the laptop they are lending me for the week after surgery would be done already so I could just do this from home today. Oh well. Going to see the family after work one last time before Mexico. I know they are still very much freaked out, but not sure if I will deal with any more drama from them today. I am hoping not.

I have been pretty good about water the past few days, and in preparation for surgery I have been upping it further. Yep! I went and got a new Hangover Part 2 Super big gulp cup lol. My brother actually looks and acts a lot like Zach Galifinakis' character so... I HAD to get the cup. Not to mention one of those cups is roughtly half a day's water. My goal right now is 3 of these (roughly 132 oz of water and half my weight in oz). Also doing my best to avoid soda. It's time for me to say goodbye. I have been avoiding it.

Nearly everything I need to pack is packed. I am ready to go for the most part. I am hesitant to leave my husband for 4 days, as that's the longest we will have ever been apart. (I know I am a baby...sue me!). He can be hard to read sometimes so I am not sure how he is feeling during all of this but amidst all the excitement I don't want to push side any of his thoughts and worries.

The other night he said something that came off mean. He and I both had a rough day and I just wanted to be able to cuddle up to him. I said "we only have a few more days til I am leaving and having major surgery that does have some risks involved." He told me "But its still an elective procedure", which yes is definitely true...but in some ways I feel like no...actually it isn't because each day I stay the same...or worse GET BIGGER, my health only worsens. He has seen me on some of my worst days. He knows how horrible I can feel sometimes. So when he said that and it came off very non-chalant, it hurt my feelings.

As I always do, I closed up and went and laid down on the couch and just got very quiet. We talked about it later and he explained he meant that "he knows I'll do fine and he isn't worried". Okay...thats more acceptable. I am glad if he has faith that things will be alright and I will come through surgery just fine. I have that belief too, and I feel that if you fill your head with positivity like that, sometimes it can help tremendously.

Still though I am going to be sad when I have to say goodbye at the airport. I love him so much. Through all these changes I may go through over the next year, I am dearly afraid that our relationship may be one of those things. At the very least I hope that whatever changes come to my marriage are good ones. He has been very supportive and very loving... I don't want to lose that in the mist of finding myself.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

First off I did not cheat! I counted in the carbs for my dinner last night. I got pulled pork and chicken from Sonny's last night, but instead of getting bread etc, i got broccoli and green beans. My weight hadn't been moving since last Tuesday, and I was a tad bummed because I have really been trying to hit 10 lbs down before surgery. Well I dropped 1 more lb since yesterday hehe..

so...magical bbq

Just kidding...but seriously!

Will be posting my last pre op vlog shortly (it is uploading now). Today was the only free time I had. I also did all my measurements today and need to do pre op pics here shortly. I think I will just do those the day of surgery though.

Ran to the bank and got the money etc out that I will need for Mexico, so I will be packing just about everything today (with the exception of my toothbrush pretty much.) I don't know that this all has truly sunk in yet... it still feels like a dream. I can't even fathom the changes that will take place for me over the next year. It is truly truly exciting and I feel very lucky to have been afforded this chance to turn things around.

I swear to you this is not meant to be melodramatic, but the day I found out my financing was approved for surgery, was a day I realized I had hope again. Maria off of OH (her blog is Formerly Fluffy) made a great post a few days back asking :

"Did obesity cause you to give up on dreams?"

Simply put yes.

I gave up on dance classes that I loved

I gave up on going horseback riding again

I gave up on ever looking good in clothes.

I gave up on enjoying the beaches anymore

I gave up on feeling truly beautiful

I gave up on myself.

Although none of this feels real right now I feel like I have gained some hope back and some of my old dreams may ressurrect themselves. I feel like this year is finally the year I truly become me and spread my wings.

I will take back my health

I will let myself feel beautiful.

I will enjoy trying on clothes again

I will go to the beach

I will let my creativity overflow

I will create something beautiful.

I will fall in love with myself after 26 long years.

What about you? What will you do after surgery? If post-op, what good things have you done for yourself? What dreams will you rekindle?

Friday, May 6, 2011

It is getting so close! I am getting excited...but at the same time I don't think it has fully registered that this is really happening. I don't know that it will until we board our plane either lol. I am beyond relieved that Madi received her passport yesterday! Granted it still sucks we had to shell out extra money when after we had done everything needed to get it before now...but shit happens.

The scale isn't budging.... in fact it went up a pound. I am not sweating it at this point. I did cheat once and had Taco bell (the day all hell broke loose regarding the passport, Monday or Tuesday I believe). I have been back on track since, and felt terrible about doing it...but that day was just horrible. I spent most of it crying.

Not too many days to go now. Sadly I don't get much of a break until then. I work tomorrow from home for 3 hours, sunday at work for 12, then Monday and Tuesday I am working 14 hours at work. That way I get in all my hours for the week. I am not looking forward to those days. Tomorrow after I work I am heading to the bank to get the cashier's check (my bank does them for free, YAY!) and money for tipping the driver, incidentals, food for Madi etc), then washing the stuff I am packing, and getting my bag nearly packed so I don't need to think too much about it when I get home exhausted on Tuesday night.

Not too much else going on in my neck of the woods right now. After surgery I may post a quick update just to say everything went well and possibly a youtube vid. Depends on the wifi at the hospital in all. I am probably doing one more pre-op vid as well tomorrow.