2015/12/08

Forevermore

I've always been lucky to have great men in my life. My Uncle John was one of the more awesome. It's been almost a year since he passed away. My heart still hurts from it. All the time. I think there are things that happen that make us sad, maybe really sad, but there are only a few that make that mark on your heart. That whatever portion of your heart that held that person permanently aches from their absence.

I keep hoping that if I ignore it, next Tuesday wont come. Just like how I wish I could not think about that moment when my Dad called to tell me. But Tuesday is coming and I think about it constantly. Knowing the pain and sorrow that's coming is hard. I want to block it out but I feel like I'm really blocking out him.

My Uncle John was amazing. He loved me. I always knew he did. He always had a hug and helping hand. Even if sometimes the helping was really gross (thinking of the time he found Emmleine on the stairs with her g-tube at her feet along with everything that had been in her stomach. As her mother I can say it is NASTY. Bet he didn't expect he'd run into that!). The night he took all us kids to an impromptu late night trip to Phaser Land was one of my fondest memories. Even if I did end up domino knocking down quite a few barriers because I was/am so clumsy. He was very giving and hard working and I admired that. He made people smile.

Thinking about him makes me miss him more. Knowing I wont have that hug and "Hi sweetheart!" as our next family get together is painful. I want more. So many more. But I'm glad I had the ones I did and I hold them close to my heart. It's how I know he loved me. I hope I hugged back tight enough that he knew how much I loved him too. And always will.