I’m not ideal, neither are you.

May 26, 2017

Perfection has been something that was advertised to us while growing up, but no one ever acknowledges the harm it has on basically everyone. Not just women, it literally affects everyone we know, and not always in the ways we would expect.

I find this photo, very honest. I remember my ass being in soo much pain from jumping a 16m waterfall but still I’m smiling because walking half naked through a jungle was amazing. I love how I’m not posing, you can see my belly, my lack of eyebrows. It’s simply perfect. What worries me is the fact that I’m soo attached to my phone here, probably because I just posted a photo and was checking each 30 seconds what people are commenting, instead of enjoying the experience fully.

As a child I used to love myself and I think the ones who know me since 2011 could see that back in the times. Even starting YouTube didn’t affect me to that extent, despite the fact I got each single part of me criticized (in a far from constructive manner). When I was about fourteen or fifteen all my girl friends starting criticizing themselves, which I didn’t understand at all. Most of them where skinnier than me, had better complexion, gold tinted hair, adoration from all the guys, what else could you ask for at that age?
Despite the fact I never noticed anything wrong with myself, I began to believe it’s not normal to love yourself, to be a teenage girl meant to see all that’s bad in your body and personality.

It took me a while to really get out of this, it was the most painful stage of my life because I had to make up reasons to hate myself just to fit all my friends and be able to join in on these harming conversations.

Gladly I’m so fucking done with this. I know I’m not perfect, I know I will never have that Jessie Andrews body (guys I adore her, she needs to be mentioned haha), I really know I have all these flaws. But I feel that’s what’s cool about me, that I’m not a clone and I don’t need to fit in. I was lucky enough to meet that one special person who was and still is absolutely IN LOVE with every part of my body and character. But as people say, if you can’t learn how to love yourself, how do you expect anyone else to love you, so get that shit together.

Freezing my ass off while looking like a potato. My favourite photo this month.

My original approach to this post was purely about bloggers and influencers, because despite the fact that I blog, I don’t feel in any way connected to other bloggers. I think it’s the approach that matters, because not at any moment was I trying to sell you guys that I’m perfect. Obviously no one will upload a photo where they look bad (let’s ignore my Snapchat potato faces, that doesn’t count), because why the hell would you put yourself out there and make yourself more vulnerable to our shitty society?

Unfortunately, most of the influencers I used to follow (I detoxed my “following” yesterday, and you should do the same) show of this fake idealism, it’s as if they don’t have any flaws, and I don’t understand why would anyone think it’s healthy for others mental health.

Slay baby, slay! As ridiculous as I looked (and I didn’t wear it as a joke FYI), I met so many people that night just because of my outfit!

Couple of days ago some people decided to make me feel shit. I would describe it a nicer way but there’s nothing more to the truth. People often believe that because I have a large following, it must mean I don’t care entirely about comments under my photos and that actually I’m not a real person, I’m just present there somewhere in the internet, floating and “being”. It began with the criticism of my short hair, which I absolutely love as for the first time in my life I’m happy about the way I look and confident.

Apart from visually being compared to a man on that day, my shoulders were criticized (and this I cannot change unless my haters fund me a plastic surgery), and this led to people bashing out what a horrible and irrational person I am.

Fair enough but when people comment about you, under a photo you upload, describing you in third person and don’t have the guts to address you, seriously WHAT THE HELL. It makes you feel like you don’t exist in “real life” and you’re this emotionless thing.

Paris is my safe space! When I was younger I used to go often alone to my aunt, explore the city, write in my diary, read Kerouac and disconnect. I often get nostalgic and retake photos my aunt took of me when I was about six or seven. It’s important to have that once place in the world where you can escape and freely think.

I feel sorry for most of these people, mostly because it doesn’t show anything positive or worthy about your personality when you address people in such manner, and promoting hatred on social media is something emotionless, inhumane. Funny thing is, that these “haters” attempted to compare me to the ideal social media influencers or the female ideal, mostly because that’s what social media promotes, and many young girls believe that this is how all women should look in order to fit our modern society. It’s a shame that there is so little of us who want to promote natural bodies, realistic expectations, real personality’s and I could go on listing the stuff that should be embraced but isn’t.

Such a nice post. Today i found a huge pimple on my cheek and I hate it so much that I planned to give up on going shopping. I thought that people gonna see it and judge my face and think that I’m ugly. I thought that I have to cover it with so much make up. But after reading your post I feel like not giving a shit about it. Why we care so much about society?