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Today is another new day. I have to go out and buy my cat some food and litter. Other than that, I'm going to look at the questions I have in algebra and see if I can figure them out one more time. Whatever I can't, I'm going to take to class tonight. We're having our first test in there, and I just want to pass it. Please, ladies, send positive energy my way! Have a good day ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hello everyone! Sounds like things are running smoothly for everyone. Queen- I did not congratulate you on being undetectable. I am a little confused what that means though. Does that mean that the virus does not show up? I think I need some help understanding...

Someone asked me what grade I taught (I think it was Cindy) I teach 5th grade. It's a really great age.

The power company was in my neighborhood yesterday and somehow they messed up my computer service. I was trying to sign in last night and it was worse than dial-up! The web pages wouldn't load. I live in the first house on my court and the power company needed to get inside the power box in my front yard, which is for all of the houses on my side of the street. When I moved here 14 years ago, I could see the 3 foot square power box, but not anymore. I have Canadian cypress trees, about four of them, which have grown to 15 feet tall around the power box. Yesterday I hear a chainsaw going and I look outside and see that I can see across the street. Two of the trees had been cut down and were laying in my side yard! I guess they "cut my curb appeal" but at least I didn't have to do the work. I'm calling HOA today if these jokers don't get out here and haul the trees away soon!

I see Iceman tonight. He is coming by around 6pm or so and bringing us dinner. I told him he didn't have to, but he is insisting. He has come to see me every two days since our first date last Friday. I am starting to get giddy!

Viv~ having an "undetectable viral load" or "VL" means that when your blood is drawn, there is so little virus in your blood that they call it undetectable. The most sensitive lab test that they can do is called an "ultrasensitive" and I think its called "RNA by PCR." It measures if your VL is below 50 (and now 48 on some tests, I hear). If you are below 50, then you are undetectable. Less virus, less chance for a suppressed immune system and infections. Keep in mind that NO, it does not mean the virus is gone from your body. #1 - It is measuring the VL in your blood, when you could have higher levels in your vaginal secretions and breast milk, etc. Also #2 - Your test can come back undetectable, but you may have 49 copies or 2 copies of the virus (per mL, I believe) in your blood, so the virus is still there.

I'll go to the Lessons area here and try to post a link for you. Undetectable is what we all strive for because it means better health and control over the virus, but again, it is NOT gone from your body.

Hi BT~ I hope you are feeling better. Sounds like you have an easy day that you can take at your own pace. I'm glad to read that. You know I always think about you and that math, lol, so I'll send good thoughts your way! Wish I lived closer, I would tutor you and then we could rock out to Priest or something! I'm still in awe every time I read about your experience flatlining. Gheez that seems so surreal. I bet you don't remember much of it, or do you? Deep stuff.

CM~ Don't think the worst because you are tired. Just listen to your body and be sure to keep up with your labs. Like I told Drag, the thing I have learned to do with this virus is to slow the hell down. I find that I stay close to home A LOT, because I don't want to be an hour's drive away and be exhausted. I like to stay in my comfort zone.

Cristy~ I can't recall but does your neg friend know your status? I believe you know him from work? It was nerve-wracking for me when I started dating after my husband died, and the thing that I knew I had to get control over the most was this......I had to just go out with someone if I liked him because I owed it to myself to be happy, but I also had to have the mental strength to not let my demons distract me while on the date. I just pushed myself, and it wasn't easy. Sometimes I would return home after a date and think, "Wow, he was nice...." and it would be so bittersweet. I knew that he and I would see each other again, and then after a few dates I would disclose. Yes, lots of times they couldn't deal with the HIV and things ended, but what I got from dating was inner-strength. I won't deny that it was very emotional, but I would just tell myself, its not me, its him and his ignorance. Some dates stuck around for awhile, wanting to learn more about the virus, so it was a chance for me to educate them and make them more aware.

It has always been a tough climb, as my last LTR ended because he was scared (after 2-1/2 years), but look where I am now. Just look. All of the emotions and soul-searching and perseverance very well may have paid off for me with Iceman. I would always push myself to date because I believed there was strength in numbers. The more dates you have, the more social you are/become, which is healthy. Also, the more dates, the better the chance that you will find someone that you connect with who appreciates you for YOU.

I know easier said than done, but hey Match.com made money off of me, and I feel I got stronger through pushing myself and dealing with those crazy emotions when I was rejected.

Hi Em~ Good advice about Sara possibly being a LTNP. We have a woman in our support group and she says she is progressing so slowly after 12 years, that the snails are passing her by! She has yet to go on meds. I've been on meds since '95, about 2 years into my diagnosis, and I wouldn't have it any other way if this is what it takes. I have been undetectable for a long time, and the meds have been worth it for me. When I was diagnosed I said, "This virus is not going to get me." The little bugger!

Hi Queen~ I was trying to get online last night to chat before you saw Rico. Not sure if my IMs made it to you or not. I'm thinking you haven't disclosed yet, but rather you're "feeling him out" to see how he takes everything. Any progress? I am still thinking something is up with him, like maybe he knows someone who is pos, knows you are pos, or is pos himself. The reference to the Philly movie isn't something people just bring up every day. Let us know what's going on.

Also, Tendai, you wanted to know about the movie "Philadelphia." You can google it with Tom Hanks. It came out in the early 90s and was very depressing. It shows the life of a man with AIDS during the early part of the epidemic, before we had the meds we do today. Tom Hanks went to court and was fighting against discrimination, I believe. Its very moving and sad.

Rico just left after I made him a cd with some Spanish music on it. He came over last night went home and then came back a bit later. You are right Cindy, I am still feeling him out and didn't have the chance actually to discuss anything. I'm still working on it but am trying to get to know other things about him too. It was a nice night, plans have been made for Saturday with confirmation on the day of.

Thanks, Cindy for the definition on what undetectable means. I am really surprised that I became undetectable so fast. The highest my vl had ever been was 85,000 but my body knocked it down to 16,590 before starting meds. Now less than 50 of those little buggers. I am definitely feeling better and has more energy. I got a call from the pharmacy today, I think they may have gotten my Atripla in, I will have to give them a call. It seems you have been having more problems with your power and stuff lately, Cindy, what's up with that? And what is the Iceman bringing for din din?

Good Luck today, Betty with the algebra. I know I had to get some litter and food for the crew here the other day but since we are working with 4 cats, we get big bags of food and multi cat litter, man can they blow a litter box up..... I have been seeing fur around the house, so that tells me a few of the boys have been fighting or Lucifer has been at Princess Polly's booty again... I swear she puts up a helluva fight against Lucifer because he never seems to give up, the other cats don't even try anymore after getting swatted a few times by her.

I think today I will truly just rest and relax. Do a bit of house cleaning a bit later. I'll check in later...

NY~I wanted to know how you're doing today? I think emotional breakdowns are a good thing, in the sense that you can let all of that pressure out. You're right, it just builds up. I am the type to smile and trudge onward, too, but when a time comes and I get overwhelmed and teary, I just have at it. I was crying my eyes out Monday night, thinking about my dog that died 6 months ago, thinking about disclosing to Iceman, thinking about being unemployed 6 months and just being tired of this allergy crap that has been running me down still. I even worry about Cheech being so old and passing, he has been a Godsend ever since my husband died in '96.

So, yes, lots of crazy crap, and sometimes you just owe it to yourself to let it out!

You wrote about returning to a physically demanding job and it looks like you would only have to do that for two weeks before your due date. Can you swing it by trying? Can you swing it financially by staying home and off of your feet? What are you doing now for work? I was a little unclear as to where you were. Check in and let us know.

One thing that was evident in your post is that you are a fighter, and that even in the face of crap, you know what the right thing to do is. Be grateful to yourself for that, for pushing yourself to get better things for yourself, whether its a job, an education, friends, a better man in your life......You are a trooper, GF. Hang in there!

Queen~ The electric company and the cable company are colaborating to do some updates in the hood here. So, this is why the cable has gone out some days, also why it went out in the middle of the 8th during the World Series, and then yesterday, the internet thing. There were power trucks all lined up in the neighborhood last night when I got back around 7pm, so they were checking the grids in all of the power boxes. I have to see if they moved the trees that they cut down. I am thinking that they are waiting until their work is done. I will prob call HOA tonight or tomorrow.

Oh, and Iceman wants to take me out to dinner. I refused, but he insisted and told me to let him be in control, joking of course, since that what that horoscope thing said! So, hey its a date night! He also said he would watch Cheech for three weeks if I get a job that requires training in Richmond, VA. Now, THAT speaks volumes right there! Whew, I think I am getting hooked.....

Thank you for the explanation. When I was diagnosed in May I became very sick shortly after. I found out that my blood count was 15...scary. I went on Atripla shortly after that and have been on it ever since. My last numbers, which I do not know exactly, were BC of 80 something and a viral load of around 400 something. I just had more blood work 1 week ago and I have to make an appointment so I am kind of looking forward to finding out where I am at.

On a different note...I know I have said this before but I will say it again, I may not be actively dating right now but you all give me hope. I am so happy that you ladies are able to find someone who is willing to accept the whole package. You go girls! So, until I meet the one for me I will cheer you all on...

Wow, I'm up at this hour (11:35 p.m.), which is late for me. I'm usually out by this time. I wonder what's going on with my "biological clock."

Algebra wasn't so bad tonight. It's much easier to do things in class with the teacher there, but we're all meeting Sunday at 4:00 at the library. I'm so glad I have a teacher who wants to work with us so we don't fail.

Cin, girl, you better get on those people's asses about your power! That would be such a pain, not knowing when the power would go out. Where did you and Iceman go for dinner? I am so happy for you.

Queen, you just keep on keeping on, gf.

My doctor did prescribe me Diflucan for the yeast thing. So that's on the way out. I'm so glad. It's so bothering to be itching in public where I can't do anything about it! Other than that, really nothing going on. Just thought I'd check in. I'll probably go read my book, which is an excellent read. It's Eric Clapton's autobiography. Cin, you might really enjoy it if you like Eric Clapton. It talks all about him developing his guitar skills, his addiction, his relationships etc. There's a chapter in there about his son that died, which I haven't gotten to yet. And a chapter about the treatment center he has. It's really interesting. I also got a 40th anniversary edition of Rolling Stone in the mail today (I subscribe to it). So there's a lot of reading to do.

Tomorrow I'm going to take my car to get the oil changed, the transmission flushed and the radiator flushed. Then next Friday I'm going to get it tuned up. Hope everyone's having a good night!

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi GFs~ Just checking in this morning. My power has never gone out, but because the power company is messing with lines in the hood, it has messed with the cable a few times. So, my TV and internet have been affected some, not too bad yet. I called HOA bec the cypress trees are still laying out front, and it turns out a lot of people have called. I am sure most are probably pissed that their trees got cut down, but then again I'm sure its in the hood by-laws that we have to keep access to the power boxes clear or else. So, hey I got the "or else" via chainsaw the other morning. Better them than me doing the grunt work. Now if they could have only pruned the tree on the side of my house. Its taller than my 3-story townhouse, its about 40 feet tall and small branches are reaching out over the roof! Some dumbshit who lived here in the 80s planted the damn tree 6 FEET away from my home! The trunk is about 14 inches in diameter so whenever its windy the branches scratch on the siding on the side of my home.

Iceman took me to Carrabba's last night for Italian. He didn't finish his dinner so I get chicken parmagana for lunch today! We got seated at this huge booth with room for six, and he decided to come over and sit next to me on my side for dinner, very sweet.

Ice knows I love chocolate so he bought me a yummy Cadbury bar which I'm sure I will devour in one sitting today, lol! He also brought me a t-shirt from his company, which is in the automotive industry. The back of it says "You're only as safe as your rubber," meaning your tires! LMAO I got a kick out of that!

OK, I need help girls. Iceman has a birthday on Sunday, 11/11 and we will celebrate next week. I'm not sure if he's getting me anything, but I want to do a little something for him. WHAT do you get a guy that you just met? He is very health-conscious, so I don't think I can get him chocolate or something like he got me, but maybe. Maybe I could bake or order a birthday cake for the two of us?

But what about a gift? Can you all throw some ideas out there? I'll be at the mall tomorrow with mom getting my hair done, so I could get him something. Maybe cologne or a shirt? I don't know......crap. I have no damn money, but this man has fed me 4 times in the past week, has brought me a battery back-up for my computer, as well as the chocolate and t-shirt. He is a giver, and so am I. Its his birthday for goodness sake! I think I WILL order a cake for us, but I have to ponder a gift.

Cin~ Thanks for your concern. I'm comming along. Still kind of down but I'm getting through it. Your right I am a fighter, I take great pride in that. I will get over this hurdle just as I have the others in my life. But it's not easy emotionally. sfar as Ice, hmmm it's hard buying a gift for someone you just met. I love to cook and i'm always a fan of cooking a really nice dinner for someone. If you know his style maybe a shirt or something is a good idea. I'm bad at this myself sorry I couldn't help more.

To the rest of you ladies i hope all is well. I have an apt with the doctor soon so I have to keep this short and sweet. I hope everyone is doing well today. My thoughts are with you all. I wish everyone a great day and hopefully the bumps in the road of life arent too big today!!

As for me, I'm just trying to get by. I have a sonogram today and I'm depresed, not very excited at all. I just want to get everything over and done with. school work will occupy the rest of my day. Nothing too exciting. I'll be back later on. I'M OUT!!

1. massage oil and a massage 2. tickets to something you can do together .... move, play, show, etc.3. flowers / house plant .... i think men like them. 4. something for his car for when he drives back and forth to see you ... so he's more comfortable .... could be a coffee mug, some music, funny air freshener, etc.

I say bake him a cake !! Cupcakes are always good too because you can decorate them all differently and send some home with him so he has cake all week.

Cin, it looks like you have some good ideas. Luv the Harley site, btw! Do you have a local Harley shop maybe you could pick him up something at? That's always good, especially for the "new biker." Like the cupcake idea also. What creative minds you ladies have! Oh, I absolutely love Carraba's. They are the bomb as far as Italian food goes.

Well, last night I bit into something and one of the front teeth on my upper denture came out. And I couldn't get into see a dentist until Monday. So, this weekend I just have to try not to smile too big!

Sunday, I'm getting a new computer. My brother's girlfriend is on the Geek Squad at Best Buy. So I went there today and she's getting me one at her cost. The one I have now is a Windows 98 and a big old thing. One of my friends gave it to me (the whole set-up) so I'm not complaining. But I sure will be glad to get a new one. Maybe then I'll feel more up-to-date.

Other than that, I got my car thing done today. I also bought myself a down quilt at Meijer's. I've been wanting one, so today I finally got one. I hope all you ladies are having a good evening.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Thanks for all of the great suggestions! Iceman suggested that he come over Sunday night after he drops his girls off. Sunday IS his birthday. I am so afraid that if I bake a cake it won't turn out right, lol! I am crazy about bakery cakes that are decorated brightly, so maybe I'll go buy one tomorrow. I've thought about a framed picture as well, but Iceman has already put pics of me on his desk at work!

I would love to cook him dinner, but I don't even have a table to eat at, isn't that awful. Doofus took all of his stuff after we split last December. I DO like the idea of giving him a little something that he can keep in his car or with him to remind him of me......

Thanks for the ideas!

On a sad note, my GF had to put her dog down this evening. I called her on Weds to wish her a Happy Bday and she had just found out that it was time for her 12yo dog to go. He had skin cancer. Makes me sad, but Molson is up there at Rainbow Bridge with my Casie Girl now.

LMAO....I think he has that taken care of....Cindy knows what I mean....

I'm actually feeling kind of bummed tonight. Not up to discussing it at the moment but the words under my avatar kinda says it all. I think I'll go to bed early, I hope it won't be a problem taking my meds earlier tonight but I seriously doubt it. If I can't sleep then I'll check back in. I may just lurk for the weekend....

Well damn it all, Cindy, you always posting the same time as me...Now my little joke isn't funny now...

Cin, so sorry about your gf's dog. It's always such a big loss when we lose one of our pets. They're part of our family. I'm so attached to my cat that I rescued from one of the local shelters. She has three beds! She's a big cat, and she's also very skiddish. I've never met a cat who is as nervous as she is. I tell people she has post-traumatic stress disorder from being around all those other cats at the shelter. I saw at the pet store the other day something to give cats to make them calmer, but I don't want to get her strung out!LOL

Queen, what's up? You've been in such a good mood, something must have happened. You know we're here for you, girlfriend. Talk anytime you're ready.

OK, hopefully I'll remember just not to smile too big this weekend, since one of my teeth is missing. I hope no one notices. It's embarassing, but it's liveable. No reason for me to get all upset.

Today I'm going to some arts & crafts show with one of my gf's and her mother. Then we're going to go to an NA meeting later today. In my town they put on The Nutcracker every year around this time and I'm going to ask my granddaughter if she would like to go see it. Maybe start a tradition. I've never seen it myself and I would love to see it. Other than that, nothing else exciting going on. I hope all you ladies are doing alright and have a great day-

Edited to add: I've got a new quit date for smoking. It's next Sunday, November 18th. So I will start back on the Chantix today. Wish me luck!

« Last Edit: November 10, 2007, 07:59:48 AM by Bettytacy »

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

OK, hopefully I'll remember just not to smile too big this weekend, since one of my teeth is missing. I hope no one notices. It's embarassing, but it's liveable. No reason for me to get all upset. BT - Neighbor of mine used Super Glue for a DIY fix on her dentures. No firsthand experience, just passin' this along.

Just thought I would check in and let you know I am alright. I am in the tub while writing this, trying to relax. Yesterday I was a bit bummed because of some things about Rico. Depending on how some things go, it may be over for me and him before it even gets started. Good thing I didn't disclose too soon. I slept in a bit today, just been up maybe an hour before getting in the tub. My plan was to soak and listen to some music but then I was like, hey I got wireless, I can chat, listen to music and soak... My skin will prolly look like a prune by the time I get out the tub at this rate... I am waiting to get a call from Rico to see if he is coming over today. He said he has a lot to do so things are kinda up in the air.

Uh, Em, it is good to see you post but I must ask..You not talking to us anymore? Did we do something to offend you? I have noticed you post here and there but not really talking. You know I would be the one to come out and just ask... I hope things are going well for you, by looking at your sig line, it seems like you are into some heavy activism. How is that going for you? I was talking to someone online who is thinking of starting a support group in my area, I think I may try that out or at least talk some more to see where his mind is about things.

I hope the rest of you ladies are doing fine, I must go rub a dub now before my skin shrivels up.....

I am back after taking a very unwanted break. I just worked 10 days of 12 hour shifts and had to put the thread on hold due to spending my nights with my Latin Lover. Things are going so good. I am just trying to enjoy the time we spend together and trying not to worry about any issues that may arise like his separation. I have been so happy and Sunday tomorrow will be three weeks that we have been together. We talk, text and see eachother when possible. This is the first time since I found out that I was positive that I have felt like my old self. He is great and we don't talk about my status to much as I don't want that to be the focus on the relationship. We have had sex and that was great and he does not worry since he knows that I am paranoid and take every precaution to keep him safe.

Before posting I read all of the threads that I have missed alto and it would be impossible to comment on everything. Welcome to all of the newbies and I look forward to getting to know you better.

Cin and Queen I guess we are celebrating the same euphoria of have new men in our life. Cindy wasn't such a relief to disclose and not have to worry and now we can just enjoy the time getting to know our men. Queen i hope things go well with Rico when you do tell him. I know when I told my Latino he asked why I decided to tell him and my answer was simple. I told him that I did not get the choice when I got infected and there for I had to give him the choice. He said that he appreciated me giving him the choice and also said that if I had not told him before we had sex he would have been mad that I had taken his choice away from him. But nonetheless good luck and enjoy your time with Rico.

Queen, I am sorry things have become tangled... I hope they work out. Never tried taking a laptop into the bath, I usually read, but only at my parents' - no bath here just an old shower.

Betty, I am sorry about the tooth but I really admire you for putting it in proportion and not letting it stop you from getting around and doing your thing until it gets fixed. Sometimes I just forget that you are a grandma, although an incrediblely young one at that.

Cind, we (my parents) had to put down our dog when she was 18 going on 19. The mixed breeds are the ones that live longest. It's so sad to lose them... they are amazing companions, I can't tell you how strong I was bonded with my dogs, esp the last one. I still miss her so much and have her pics. Everytime I came home I literally came back for her as well. It's just love

Sun, you have no idea how happy I am for you!

NY... how was the sonogram (mmm what is it exactly?) hang in there... I know there is not much we can do for ya from behind the screen but there will be better times, happy times with this child and your other children. You will feel much better too. Not long now....

Cammie, how's it going? we are rooting for you here.

Em, Cristy, Tendai, Confused, Viv, Winiroo, Sara - hope you all doing well and having a great weekend.

Me am OK, went trick or treating with a friend's kids, my friend, and my BF (now he went to a party but I decided to stay home. it's so cold as well and I have not taken my flu vaccinations yet). They do it on a day called Saint Maarten's here. They have a whole bunch of holidays different from the UK and US. Presents they give in early Dec on a day called Saint Nikolaas. Santa Klaus (Sinterklaas) arrives at the end of next week, in a motorbike parade and goes from town to town. It's a very family oriented time, although this is not my religion you can't help being affected by it. I will be going again to my BF's family in Spain for Christmas and New Year. I am nervous. First, i gained a shitload of weight since the last one and I would like to lose some of it by then, I need to lose 5 kgs but I am not used to dietng and dont know how to really. I also know they expected me to learn some basic, conversationla spanish, which I haven't at all. then there is the whole issue of my meds which is harder to hide this time, and just in general, the big fat HIV secret. I will spend 2 weeks in their house but we will take a breather and drive off somewhere for a few days. They are very conservative and tradiitional people and their house is 100s of years old, and it's all like something out of a movie, so I must enjoy it like a tourist and not worry about fitting in. That's the idea anyway, but to put in into practice is harder.

that's it from me for now... have a peaceful weekend ladies,

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

I am missing Iceman today, starting to get hooked on this idea of having someone special in my life! I spent the afternoon getting my hair done with Mom at the salon, and also bought Iceman's gift. I don't think he peeks in the threads, but I'm not posting what it is until after the fact! Needless to say, I am very excited about seeing him tomorrow and making his birthday a special one! He'll come by late after he drops his girls off.

BT~ So sorry to hear about the tooth! Goodness, it must have been ready to go if it came out that easily, or did you really chomp hard on something? I haven't seen The Nutcracker since I was a little girl, but I absolutely loved it! Its beautiful! I know you'll enjoy it! Congrats on setting your new quit date, atta girl! How is the homework going this weekend?

Sun~ So good to hear from you! Goodness, they had you working a lot! At least you're employed! I am nervous as I will have no income very soon. I am hoping to get some bday money next week to help hold me over, but I see me digging into my credit, shit. Yes, I have said the same thing as you to past romantic interests...."I didn't have a choice." My late husband asked for unprotected sex only a few times, knowing full well he was pos, and he didn't tell me. Thank goodness for Iceman, I was beginning to think the good guys were all gone! So glad to hear you and your Latin Lover (LL) are doing so well! Kinda just makes you give a big sigh of relief!

Drag~ Things sound very festive in your part of the world! I love a celebration and I am just starting to get excited about the holidays now! Don't be so nervous about your trip to meet your BFs family, just be excited!

As far as the extra weight, you need to fool your brain! Drink LOTS of water before each meal, it will fill you up, clean out your system and help all around. On one diet I did, I drank 32 ounces of water before I had my bowl of cereal in the morning, and throughout the day, about SIX 32 oz cups total. Yes, I was running to the bathroom, but it helped me to lose weight faster.

Also, try to have little snacks throughout the day rather than three big meals -- this keeps your metabolism up and you'll burn more fat. This has worked for me as well, besides, I like to eat all of the time, so a granola bar here, a small sandwich there, an apple.....little "meals" every 2-3 hours is really good! It works wonders for some people, as for many eating is a bad habit that is hard to break. Why starve? Just eat in moderation, and be sure to have your bigger meals earlier in the day, not at dinner!

Also, if you feel like pigging out in the evening, eat foods with no carbohydrates. I eat cheese, nuts, tuna, things high in protein curb your appetite and less carbs usually equals less weight gain!

Hope this helps, being diabetic, I have learned many tricks over the years, I have a terrible sweet tooth! (You should see the cake I bought Iceman, and yes, I am going to try and light 45 candles on it and not blow it up!)

Queen~ I'm sure I know why you are bummed about Rico, but I know the GFs are wondering whats up with that. Vent a little and let us know whats going on here. It can only help! Did you get a prune ass in the tub, or did you save yourself in time?

OK, so Mom and Dad are supposed to take me out for birthday dinner, but they are at the movies. I am starving! I hope they call soon, they are seeing that new "American Gangster" movie with Denzel and Russel Crowe, very good reviews I hear!

Hello ladies!! Well I have been really busy trying to catch up with school work. I glanced at all the new posts but don't have time to read all of them in great detail. I will at some point this weekend.

Cin~ Sorry about your GFs dog. Our pets are like family. I know what a horrible feeling it is to lose one I hope you find the perfect gift for iceman. I'm sure just spending time with you will make him happy.

Queen~~ Sorry to hear your going through some rough times. I hope things get better. Keep your head up!!

Betty~~ Best of luck to you!! Quitting is hard to do but if you really want to stop, you will do it!

Dragon~~ The sono went well. The babies head is buried in my hip so we couldnít see his face (yes it is a he). Heís not growing as well as weíd like but their not really concerned since both his father and I are small in stature. Weíre thinking heís just gonna be a little baby.

As for me Iím feeling a bit better today. Still stressed out but things are moving along. Iím out of work and awaiting disability so as of right now Iím DEAD BROKE!!! Its horrible to be without an income and not know when Iíll have one. I hope to God soon because I have no clue how Iíll get through from day to day. I guess Iíll find a way, I always do. These next few weeks will be rough. Anyway, Iím off to do more school work. It seems never ending but I canít complain it helps keep my mind off the chaos of my life. I hope all you ladies are well tonight!

I'm sorry for not responding to everyone, but I just cannot concentrate right now. My husband and I are not on speaking terms at the moment. I'll be back to update soon....maybe tomorrow. Hugs to everyone.

I was on the phone late with Iceman tonight, and sang him Happy Birthday at midnight. He sounded a little tired from the day with his little women, but it sounds like they have a great relationship. That's a good sign!

I told Iceman that I would take him to dinner, I know I can't afford it, but I told him I would, whatever he wanted. He echoed, "Whatever I want?" So, yes, it seems the man would be perfectly fine skipping dinner and skipping straight to the bedroom! We'll see what happens tomorrow. He IS a man, so I gotta feed him!

NY~ You and I are rowing that unemployment boat! I have about 4 more weeks of unemployment income and then *poof*! I have had to supplement my income with credit cards and my debt is mounting. I haven't been late on any payments, but its going to be a crazy juggling act if I don't get a job soon! Somebody hire me!

Confused~ I am so sorry to hear you and your man are having a rough go of it. You can always come here and yell to us, vent, just get it out. I hope you're OK.

Queen~ Did you see Rico tonight? Or is he still there? Maybe the two of you are in the tub together by now.......

Nope, no Rico this evening. He was busy today and by the time he did want to come over, I just said no. He is suppose to come over tomorrow.....I think I may be stewing in my own juices so to speak. I wanted to see him but the later it got, the more bummed I got. I have been doing a bit of thinking and am now wondering if I like him too much. I know it sounds crazy but all I seem to be doing is thinking of him. I haven't told him that though.

By the time he wanted to come over it was after 11 pm. I told him that would be considered a booty call but he says that wasn't the reason for wanting to come over and maybe it wasn't. When I told him to wait til Sunday, I could hear the disappointment in his voice but I knew if he came that late he would not be going home.

I think I am an emotional mess right about now and more than likely I am doing it to myself. He hasn't given me any reason to be leery of him but I am wondering if things are moving too fast or is it too fast for me? I have been out of the dating game for awhile. It's not like he has declared his undying love for me or anything like that. I dunno, I just feel so confused right now. I don't want to push him away but maybe I am afraid of letting him get close.

As for what I mentioned to you, Cindy. That is on my mind too but I did make a job listing for him so on Tuesday he will be looking for a second job. He did manage to get his own apartment but I am wondering if he may have bitten off more than he can chew, not sure yet but I like his perserverance if nothing else. I am about ready to go back to that damn astrology link and see what the hell is going on with me....

I think I am going to take my confused ass to sleep or at least try to sleep.....

Sun, it sounds like you're really busting your ass. I hope you have some time to yourself!

NY, are there any food pantries where you're at? Where I live there are a few, and sometimes I use them to supplement my food. Disability is such a waiting game, I know, believe me. Just hang in there. Something will turn up.

Drag, don't get stressed out about the upcoming holidays. It seems like Cin has offered some good suggestions about losing weight. I'm not really sure what to tell you about learning conversational Spanish. How long have you got? Someone told me Spanish was one of the easiest languages to learn. When I took it in college years ago, I got a "B" and it wasn't really all that hard. Just different variations of verbs etc. How are you going to learn it? Take a class or just try to teach it to yourself?

Queen, I'm really sorry to hear things are rocky right now with you and Rico. I understand about liking someone too much, too fast. I know you'll make the right decision for you. Remember, we're here for you. Don't give up the ship!

Cin, I'm anxiously awaiting to hear what you got for Iceman for his birthday! Is it today that you're going to give his present to him? Hey, girl, happy birthday by the way! I hope you have a happy one! You're lucky to have both parents to do things with. I really miss my mom still. She always made things like birthdays special. I know you appreciate your parents, don't ever take them for granted. Anyway, you deserve to have a good birthday. Maybe you should treat yourself to something special, like a massage or a soak in some algae or whatever it is they do now.

Well, I was supposed to get my new computer today, but I haven't heard from my brother's girlfriend who was supposed to bring it over this morning and set it up. She's on the Geek Squad at Best Buy here and was going to get me one at her cost. So, it doesn't look like I'll be getting one today. Oh well, some things are just too good to be true.

As far as the tooth, a friend of mine told me at CVS they have some kind of "glue" for denture repair, but since I'm seeing the dentist tomorrow, I don't think I want to waste the money on that. I've been just trying to check myself when I want to laugh or give a big smile. I'll survive until tomorrow.....

Other than that, I'm meeting with my algebra class and the teacher today at the library. Last week's assignment was easier than the first things we did in class (domains of functions, slopes etc.). It reminded me kind of what I did in algebra 30 years ago. So it wasn't as confusing as the rest of the stuff. I did order my granddaughter and I two tickets to The Nutcracker. Oh, maybe I already posted that. We're going to be sitting directly in front of the stage. Maybe this will be a new tradition with her. I'm looking forward to it. I've never seen The Nutcracker, so this will be a new experience for me. She's seen it, and I guess she loves it and doesn't have a problem sitting through it (she's only seven). I'll probably start X-Mas shopping soon, also. I want to get it done before the last-minute crowds take over the stores. This year just went by so fast, sometimes it's hard to keep track of everything that has happened in a year. Well, anyways, I hope all you ladies have a great day and whoever I missed, I apologize-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Hi Queen~ You're being too hard on yourself. You should allow yourself to date and have fun. So what if after 11pm is a booty call. GF, you are up until 5am, so 11pm is dinnertime! If you really like the guy, allow yourself to be with him, there's no reason why you shouldn't. I went through the same thing years ago, telling myself the girl was "supposed to do the right thing" and be pursued, but not always give in to being "chased." Finally, I said screw it and started calling guys first, suggesting we get together, and it was fun! I have no problem being the assertive one.

Now, come on, was it more fun sitting home by yourself? If Rico had come over at midnight you would've been elated because you like him. Yes, it sounds like what I am saying is "Go ahead, rush in some more" but isn't that what its all about? Being with someone you like? He's not always going to be available at the perfect time, he will have to work, you will be doing things yourself, so just let it be and make things work where they can.

Are you putting up a wall perhaps because you haven't yet disclosed? If you feel that you are, I understand, and please forgive me. Somehow I think that even with disclosure on the back burner for now, you are a tough, strong woman. Its OK to have a good time!

You gotta admit Rico is more fun than video games, right? I mean you can push his buttons, too!

Hi BT~ Yes, tonight I'll give Iceman his gift. I tell you I almost got a panic attack yesterday in the department store. LOL "Is this too personal? This isn't personal enough. What if he doesn't like this?" I was driving myself nuts, but managed to make my mind up in half hour, lol, so I did pretty good.

I also bought a small cake for Iceman and I will attempt to light 45 candles on it without lighting my hair on fire, and without him seeing me do this. This coming from the girl who has never lit a match or used a traditional lighter before in her life, lol! I have those longer lighters, about 8" long, where the clicker is well away from the flame. I know, its crazy, but it works for me.

I am thinking I'll stash the cake upstairs and when we get back from dinner, he'll probably go to the restroom, so I'll jump and start lighting the candles in the next room, and then surprise him. I am so excited! I can't wait! Iceman will be coming over again Weds 11/14 for my birthday.

On another note, I will be picking up a coffee table and two end tables today, courtesy of freecycle.org. I got dibs on the set last night, and the owner will be emailing directions today. I am also waiting to hear back on a bookcase and a comforter set, too! Thanks, Queen!

Uh, Em, it is good to see you post but I must ask..You not talking to us anymore? Did we do something to offend you? I have noticed you post here and there but not really talking. You know I would be the one to come out and just ask... I hope things are going well for you, by looking at your sig line, it seems like you are into some heavy activism. How is that going for you? I was talking to someone online who is thinking of starting a support group in my area, I think I may try that out or at least talk some more to see where his mind is about things.

GQ, and others.

Thanks for inquiring. You're right, I post less here, but for a variety of reasons. And, being offended is not in the mix.

I'm involved in an activism role on a specific project with several site members off line. Once ready, we'll invite forum members, lurkers and people worldwide to participate, easily, in ways they haven't or couldn't before.

What takes me offline most, however, is life stuff. The driving event is the adoption. After two years of process, I got the call to pick up my daughter. Logistics issues, Customs paperwork and a host of other tasks are in play so things are reasonably ready for her arrival.

It's tighter time-wise because a new job is coming down the chute; I finished HIV pre/post test counseling training and am now certified, and I'm participating locally on key issues affecting PLWHA. Thankfully, I'm still in touch via phone and old-fashioned letter writing with GM who was gracious when I asked to put things on hold while I focus on the adoption and home projects. That's the simple version.

I look forward to reading of your future support group--the one you started. It's a great goal and one that might give you a great deal of satisfaction while helping others who are wishing such a group existed.

On the support topic, I am glad Minismom found the AM site and hope Peter will consider adding a Pediatric HIV/AIDS forum -- it could be invaluable to mom's and dad's worldwide.

I am typing this on my new computer! I'm so excited. It's a brand new 17-inch flatscreen monitor with a three-in-one printer (prints, scans, copies). My brother's girlfriend brought it over today and set the whole thing up. I can't believe the difference from that old Windows 98. But there definitely is a difference.

Well, Cin, right about now you're probably eating dinner. I hope tonight goes well. I'll be anxiously waiting to hear!

Em, I'm glad the adoption thing is coming together for you. You deserve some good things. That's terrific also on your training. Way to go!

Queen, I do hope you're doing alright.

Everyone else, I hope you all have a pleasant evening. I'm going to check out some other threads. Have a good one ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Em, that's great news about your daughter finally coming to her new home with you! I'm very excited for you! Also, what you're doing with the activism is admirable, and I am excited to hear what you and other members are working on. Please keep us posted!

Betty~ Congrats on the new computer! Mine is from 2001 but I will use it until it falls over, lol! I have Windows XP, so it works pretty good.

I'm not at dinner with Iceman yet, obviously, but I need to get ready! I have been Freecycling all day! I could open my own moving company! I brought the 3 tables home, as well as a tall narrow bookcase! I just responded to an ad for an oak dining set, I hope I get considered!

Queen~~ Weíve all been there honey. Hang in there and just give yourself time and a little space to think. Youíll eventually come to realize where things stand between you and Rico, it just takes time. Things are still very new.

Cin~~ I have to say I smile just reading how giddy you are over Iceman. Itís so nice that youíve found something like this in your life. I must say Iím very happy for you! Good luck with all those candles, donít set off any smoke alarms!! Oh and cin, please fill me in on this free cycle thing you speak of. I could definitely use something like this.

Betty~~ YAY!! A new computer! Good for you Enjoy!!

Well ladies, nothing new here. Same ole BS. Just engulfed in school work and trying to make it through the days/weeks with no income UGH! I have an appointment with social services Wed. Iím going to apply for assistance because disability informed me that they may not be able to pay me for two weeks worth of time which I was out of work. They told me they only begin paying maternity leave at 38 weeks and I was pulled out of work at 36 weeks. I have a feeling this will be a fight. In the meantime I need to get by. The problem is without income transportation/gas money is an issue. At almost $3.30 a gallon gas is going to kill my wallet. I guess I will have to find a way to get by. Well, Iím off to bake some cinnamon swirl bread for the kids who have been driving me insane all day!! Hopefully a snack, some milk a bath and theyíll be off to bed. Itís been a long draining day for me. I hope everyone is doing well. Until next time girlys!!

Ok so I was told to boogy my butt over here, so here I am....I got a job today so that is a good thing.....then I went and played bingo with my mom and gma ....didnt win chit, so good thing I only spent 16 bucks. then I pick my kids up from their aunts house and they were good all day long, then I come home and their dad calls and that gave me the worst headache in the world. I dont mind them talkin to their dad but then we always seem to have words cause he talks shit to the kids. So I told him that basically if he kept that up I wouldnt even answer the phone when he called. And of course now that he has called they want to show their butts and not go to bed and I have to get up at 3am to be at work by 4am. But that is my news for the day. Hmmmm maybe I should just start a blog on this day to day BS, but then I say to myself...."Self, who really wants to hear you bitching all of the time". Answer.....probably noone.......lol, but thats my words for the day.

Cindy, I hope all went well with they birthday dinner. I will be looking for details tomorrow.

Queen, I'm sorry you are feeling down and confused about Rico. I do agree with Cindy on the after-eleven rule though. BTW, our boys beat NY tonight. Did you happen to see the game?

Betty, glad you are enjoying your new computer. I'm glad she came through for you. That will help loads with the school work.

Em, congratulations on finally finishing the adoption process and your new job. All that and activism? You are one determined busy lady.

As for me, the drama has died down for today but I really don't think the issue is resolved and I don't see it getting resolved any time soon. He has some major trust issues and I am sick to death of catching the most of it. He starts with the cold shoulder, then when I get sick of that he pulls out the ridiculous accusations which of course leads to the argument. I give him the "whatever" and remove myself from the situation and within a few hours he is fine and vows to "talk it out with me tomorrow". We all know tomorrow never comes. Things will be good for a couple of weeks to a month and then he catches stupidity again. I told him that I hope it's not too late when he finally realizes how good I am to him. The sane part of me tells me to put him out and cut my losses but the stupid "in-love" part keeps hoping things will get better. It either will or he will keep up his shit until love just doesn't matter anymore. I'm not even sure what I am hoping for anymore...other than an end to the bullshit.

Well that is all for now. I gotta get to bed. I've got four 10-hour days in a row so I'll be checking in after work. Friday is my appointment...dread is looming. This is only my second one. I'm still not over hating docs but I'm getting there. After the appointment I'll get to relax for a few days though. Boss gave me a 4 day weekend this time. *whew!*

Anxiously awaiting Cindy's news on the birthday supper and present.....

NY, you definitely have some challenges ahead of you. BTW, did you consider looking into if they have any foodbanks in your area? They must, I think they have them everywhere. I use them sometimes to supplement groceries. Whatever I don't use, I just redonate. That might be something worth checking into though.

Sherry, girl, you've got quite the situation on your hand's with the kid's father. When my first husband and I separated, he was never personally involved in our daughter's life. He knew he could never take care of her, as he was a chronic alcoholic. I was thankful for that, though. I hope you new job goes well for you. What will you be doing?

Confused, I'm no marriage counselor, but I'm wondering if maybe a real marriage counselor would help your situation. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold. And it could be a neutral party for you and your husband to work out your differences. How long have you been married? I don't know if what you describe has been the norm throughout all of your marriage, but to me, it would get old after awhile. I'm not telling you to kick him out, don't get me wrong. We all know what our limit is. I just thought I'd throw out the suggestion of maybe marriage counseling.

I've got a dentist's appointment in a couple hours. I'm going to get my top denture repaired where the tooth came out. I'm sure they'll try to get me to buy a whole new set, but that's not happening. I'll just tell them to check with Medicare and Medicaid to see if they will pay for one-I'm not going to. I haven't been to a dentist since 1989, when I have my teeth (what hadn't been knocked out) pulled and got dentures. So I'm a little nervous.

Other than that, I'm enjoying my new computer. It's nice to be able to get something once in awhile. Cin, I had Windows 98 before this, so it's a big change! As soon as the hard drive on my old one gets erased, which will happen Saturday, I'm going to donate it to Goodwill. I'm sure someone will want it. There is such a difference in the size of the equipment also. My old one took up a whole table. This new one is really a breath of fresh air.

I hope all you ladies have a good day. Will post later about the dentist. It's storming here and I need to go to the laundermat, so I hope it quits before too long. Later ladies-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

OMG Iceman's birthday was so much fun! I suggested a few places for dinner and we ended up at a sports bar which is new in my area. My Skins had already lost to the Eagles (which was an F-ing joke), and Iceman's Ravens got clobbered too. Sorry Queen and Confused, but I was rooting for the Giants -- a rare thing in my division! Damn Dallas knocked them over too!

My sugar was crashing during dinner, at least it felt like it was, although it read 160. I think it had something to do with moving furniture all day long, shock to the system! The check came and Iceman went to reach for it and I snatched it, I said it was the least I could do. He insisted that he pay but I said I would get it cause it was his birthday, and he finally agreed, thinking that was his "present" from me.

We got back to my place and I'm feeding Cheech, and Iceman says he's headed to the basement to use the restroom. Well, you've never seen a girl move so fast! I had the cake stashed in the cupboard with 45 candles in it already. I ran upstairs and hid in the bathroom, and started lighting the candles. OMG, this was a riot! I was nervous and giggling to myself the entire time. I lit one birthday candle in my hand and got about 8 on the cake lit rather quickly. Remember, I hate fire, and the idea of a birthday candle flame that close to my thumb and index finger was freaking me out, but I kept going. Then I notice the candle I am holding has burned nearly halfway through in about ten seconds! There was no way I was going to get 45 candles lit using the one I was holding, it was melting so fast! I go to blow out the one in my hand and blow out the 8 that were lit on the cake. Shit. Giggle. Time for back-up. I got the long clicker lighter and started again. One click and I lit about 10 candles. Click and light and so on. OK, we have a small inferno going now.

Keep in mind this cake was a quarter of a quarter sheet cake, about 6"x9", so the entire thing was covered with these candles. I was determined, and a little worried my hair would slide forward and I would burn to death, but I kept going. It took about a minute, and I was done. I hear Iceman talking to Cheech downstairs, so I open the door to the upstairs hallway and call out to him in a nervous voice. Just as I did that, a draft blew into the bathroom and the flames all went from about a half inch to two inches high on the cake. Shit!!!!!!!!!!!! (LOL) I was ready to drop the cake in the sink and turn on the water. Iceman calls out, "Yes?" and I say, "Come here...QUICK!" in a very nervous voice. He thought something was wrong with my blood sugar and came charging up the stairs to the small inferno I was holding in my hands. I turned the lights out and sang the four lines to "Happy Birthday to you" in about 5 seconds. The hallway was glowing, the candles were burning high and bright, but no one had caught fire. He had the biggest smile on his face and went to blow out the candles. He asked, "Did you really put 45 on there?" I said ,"Yes and I nearly caught myself on fire when I opened the door to the hallway!" We were laughing and I was apologizing for singing the birthday song at record speed. We went downstairs, cut the cake after removing all of those candles, put our feet up on my new coffee table and relaxed. The cake was so good! It had white icing with a couple of blue roses in the corner over yellow cake, and I had covered it with white candles, almost to my demise. SO GLAD my hair didn't slide forward into those flames when I got that sucker lit! I kept telling Iceman, "I should've just bought the 4 and the 5 candles for '45'!" I was trying to save a few bucks, lol!

So, we inhaled the cake and I took the plates into the kitchen while he watched TV. I reached under the sink to where I had his gift stashed. I had a gift bag that was light blue and white, with a clear window on the front, in the shape of a fish bowl. There were two orange fish "in the bowl." I always would say when dating, "I'm just a fish, swimming in the bowl," so it seemed appropriate, since I met Iceman "in the bowl" on Match.com.

I walked up behind him in the LR and dropped the bag down in front of him. He couldn't believe it. I mean, I had paid for dinner AND almost set us both on fire five minutes prior, so he thought that he had had enough excitement for one night! I had blue tissue paper in the bag so the fish in the bowl looked like they were swimming, lol, and I had wrapped a small box in the blue paper as well. I ended up getting him a cologne set from Calvin Klein. It has the five fragrances Obsession, Eternity (personal fave), Euphoria, CK1 and CKin2u. The "1" and "2" both smelled very good! I couldn't find a Polo set with different fragrances, and he wears Polo. It turned out good though, cause he said he was almost out of cologne. This way he has a little sample of all five and hopefully he'll like 2 or 3 of them. Man, they smelled good!

Iceman got all serious and couldn't believe I had made his birthday so special. I didn't want to wait another year to celebrate his birthday, I just didn't. Maybe I went overboard because I am unemployed, but I am a giver, and I definitely scaled things down from what I would normally do for a guy I care about. Oh, and the card! On the front it had the four words "Sweet, Caring, Fun, Romantic" and on the inside it says,"You're almost too good to be true." Perfect. So, then we went upstairs, it was about 9:30pm by now, and had a great evening together until the wee hours of the morning. I am glowing, Iceman is REALLY glowing, and has even said I get to meet his sister next weekend before we go to a friend's birthday party. Things are progressing quickly, but rather well! So, now I get to meet family and friends. Unfortunately, both of Iceman's parents are deceased, I just can't imagine.

After Iceman left this morning, I checked my email, and I got the oak table and chairs set! Queen, I took the advice I read in a Freecycle Moderator's email to the group, which said to state WHY I needed the items. I said my BF and I had split and he took all of the furniture, and also that I was unemployed. Because I stated why I needed the items, the owner chose me, she even said I was the only one who offered up an explanation. I am so thrilled!! The set is a 5'x3' oak table, with oak chairs that have green legs. Even if its veneer and not real oak, I'll take it! Now I have a table to serve Thanksgiving dinner on for Iceman and myself! He is going to get a truck from one of his stores and help me get everything tomorrow night before heavier rain moves in on Wednesday. He likes to help out so much, it really is a blessing, I hate to ask for anything, but he just offers!

Sorry if the candle-lighting detail bored you, but it was such a riot with me trying to be sneaky and the cake being so much ablaze that you could hardly see the icing. Everything went well though, and Iceman is going to get off of work early Wednesday to come celebrate my 38th! Wow, this IS too good to be true!

OK, so will someone hire me already, please? That would be "the icing on the cake!"

Betty, I hope that tooth is repaired by now and that you're out of the hotseat at the dentists office!

NY, Queen told us about www.freecycle.org a few weeks back. People offer up things for free rather then throwing them out. Since I've started, I've picked up a bagless windtunnel vacuum, a coffee table and two matching end tables, a tall narrow bookcase, and soon I'll have my DR set! Its awesome. Lots of kids clothes on there, too! You put your zip code in when you register and see who has what to offer in your area. Fun!

Confused, I hope things get better. Iíve been with men like that and its rough. I myself hate doctors too but I guess its something we must learn to deal with. I hope all goes well for you.

Betty, I think I will take your advice and look into food banks. Sounds like a good idea. Glad your going to get your tooth fixed. Iím sure that will make you feel a whole lot better. Continue to enjoy the new computerÖhow exciting!!!!!

Cin~~ I laughed the entire time while reading the candle story..far from boring. Iím glad you had a good time! Iím going to check out freecycle. God knows I could use some stuff!!

As for me nothing new. Just figured Iíd stop in and say hello. Hope everyone has a great day!

Cindy, it sounds amazing!! I am not bored but entertained and more than that really really happy for you!!! I can't tell you how much...

Betty, how's your tooth? It's raining here too, but today I walked to work b/c my bike is in repair. Temps are already down to max 5-4 celsius. Congrats on the computer! I could use a nice new desktop myself. Enjoy!!

Confused, I am sorry for the mess... I will point out though, you mention that you guys fight once a month... I would not put up with extreme jealousy or whatever, but the way you describe it you have some issues you need to work on & I can see why you're fed up but it doesn't sound hopeless... a couple I know just broke up, but they were fighting like every other day... then again you did previously mention that your guy is possibly dealing , or someone else mentioned that. If that's the case, well... if he is not dealing and trying to straighten out and the moods are the result of the issues he is struggling with, I would not be pissed, not saying I'd like it but... that's just me, but then again I get moody at least once a month (guess when). I hope I am not confusing you with someone else, there are so many new women here lately, but I don't think so.

NY you sound a little better, like nothing special, but just living... I'm glad.

Seekay... hi there... glad you joined us. Congratulations on the job!

Queen, how're you do doing? what happened? I wouldn't let someone come round after 11 if we were not committed either, it's not a pride thing, it's self preservation [sorry to contradict you there Cindy]. OK, that is not true - I am sure I would if I had feelings for the guy, but then I would be anxious, like does it mean that he sees me just as a sex buddy. But i don't know how much is you being over-cautious and how much is real... from what you described Rico previously it doesn't really sound like him. I do know you guys just started getting to know one another. I know you won't like this but I think not disclosing might be a part of it... just knowing you have this secret. I think the difference btw disclosing "before" and "after" is that there is so much guilt involved in the second. It's like not just disclosing but also apologizing for not having said anything before. Is it possible that you are testing Rico to see if he is worth all the hassle of disclosure? I know it's unfair those of us who are poz in the relationship have the short end of the straw, at least in the beginning. I hope everything works out for you, as Cindy mentioned you haven't met someone who rocked your world (? is that English?) in quite a while and I think you need to give it a chance and more importantly, enjoy it, think about you want and need (without excluding him of course)...

Anyways, hope you feel better soon.

I didn't start on my diet yet and the clock is ticking... in fact I made a cake last night. Thanks for the tips though! I am trying to kind of hypnotize my way into it. I'll let you know how it went tonight, I learned some acupressure techniques I want to use when I'm anxious. Cos that's when I eat. And I am usually more anxious than not.

Have a good evening everyone,

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"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Well first day of the job went well....I am working at a convenience store, and there is pipeline company in town and damn them folks can drink some coffee, I swear I made 50 pots of coffee today. Oh and some of the ones that came in are real eye candy let me tell you.

Betty, as far as the hubby ordeal, we are seperated, he is into drugs and I took my kids and left the state, he just seems to disrupt the kids on a daily basis, marriage counseling is out of the question because he feels as though he has no problems. I think what I am going to do is just only let them talk to him every other day or so, just not answer the phone when he calls. I told him I was planning on getting my own place and he is more concerned with wether or not I will have a phone than he is about lights or water. But it is a long drawn out story, one saved for another day I suppose.

Iceman seems like a real charmer, you go girl. Maybe one day when my boys are grown I will think about another relationship....as for now I think it is the last thing in the wrld I need or want.

anyway, i need to go get the kids off of the bus, I will be back later I am sure.

Well, I am waiting for LL to call he is coming over. I am getting a little nervous since his wife was coming to get the kids at 2pm and its now 3 and he has not called me yet. I am very nervous waiting for that phone call and am resisting the urge to pick up the phone and call to see where he is at, but I do not want to disturb him. But my mind is running wild that they maybe talking about wanting to get back together. I am sure I am being paranoid and she was late and then he had to get his stuff together etc. I just can't bare the thought of not being with him at least right now. I have never been so happy in my life and he has made me feel like myself again since finding out about being +.

OK Sherry, now I remember your story. Thanks for jogging my memory. It's like Drag said, there are so many new women on here, it's hard to keep everyone straight. I would probably start screening my calls and not accepting anymore of his calls. You've got enough to worry about being a single mom with those boys; you certainly don't need a grown up to have to worry about. But remember, you have to make that first move. We're here to cheer you on.

Sun, I hope you got together with LL. (I'm sorry, I can't remember what that stands for). If you're worried about he and his wife getting back together, just ask him.

Seekay, glad the job went well for you today. I go to a 7-11 a couple blocks away all the time and it seems as though they are always making coffee also.

OK, Cin, what a story! I'm so glad it went well and I'm glad you didn't get incinerated! It sounds like it was a great time. I absolutely love Calvin Klein fragrances. I have a bottle of Eternity right now and I just really like it. I used to get nothing but the expensive stuff, body wash sets etc., but now sometimes because of the budget crunch, I settle for body sprays. I just like to smell good.

I got my tooth fixed. It's now back in my denture. Of course, they tried to talk me into a new set, which would cost $3200.00. I told them I wasn't interested and didn't have the money. Then they acted like they were a little pissed off because I wasn't falling into their trap. I don't care, I speak up when I think I'm being hoodwinked. And I did tell them I thought they were over-priced. But I expected it, so at least I was prepared.

Other than that, nothing else really going on here. Pretty soon I'm going to have to start on a paper for my Child & Adolescent Psychology class. We have three more papers due in there and only four weeks of classes left. I'm not going to do it tonight, because I have to get the article approved by the teacher I'm going to be doing the paper on. Anyway, have a great evening ladies. I might check in later.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

This is kind of off the subject of everyting on here but I gots a question.........I want to go to school...thought about doing online classes but I have no idea which would be good. Does anyone have any ideas? I want to go into criminal justice, and I can go to the local community college but I think it may take me to long that way.... what ya'll think....anyone have any thoughts on reputable online colleges for criminal justice......just a thought.

Today was a day off for me... . Although I spent it and the weekend grading. I have report cards due next week so this is my "stressed" time of year. I do have some good news to report. I went to the doctor today to get my blood work results and he said that my VL is at 50 and that means it is undetectable and my Tcell count is up to 200. I was very happy to hear about my VL. My count is getting higher but I wish it hurry up.

Cindy-That was a funny story! I am glad things are going well.Betty-I am glad you were able to get your tooth fixed. That would have driven me crazy!Queen-I know I don't really know you but you have been on my mind lately. I hope everything is OK.

I moved more furniture today, got that oak DR set over here. The chairs are inside, but the table is still in my Jeep Liberty -- its too heavy to move alone. Its an oak oval shape, with dark green legs 60" x 44", so its big! Iceman will help me unload it on Wednesday. I also got another coffee table from the DR set lady, so now I have choices. Imagine that, lol.

I am trying not to think about unemployment right now, just wish it was this time next year, so I would know what the future holds. Sigh......patience. Needless to say, I am very happy to be leaving 37 and 2007 behind me. Iceman wants to bring in the New Year with me at my favorite club near my house. It should be funny since everyone will be bombed and neither of us drink, lol! My favorite band www.thereaganyears.com will be playing again. I just saw them before Halloween weekend, when I went out alone.

Jay has been IMing me and I haven't answered. Chris in VA who I have IMed for about 5 years and only spoken to a few times actually called me last night when I was at dinner with Ice. I was so hot for Chris for so long and he would never budge. His voice mail last night at 930pm said, "Maybe you can come down here and see me?" LOL I am not going anywhere for anyone. I am happy with Iceman and I am trying to distance myself from these guys I have been in touch with. I'm a little sentimental about Jay, but I know we will be friends. He is obviously concerned about my pos status, so I know better, but I feel he is just looking out for me. People seem to have a difficult time believing that my virus is under control and that I am doing well. Besides, Iceman is so caring and accepting, its amazing. He has the hottest bod, too! LOL I told him he looked like Tarzan, lol! Yum!

OK, Queen, get out of your funk and come here and talk to us. You haven't posted, GF, and I know that's a bad sign. Maybe if you vent here you'll feel better? I know you have gotten quiet before and we had to drag your ass back here. So c'mon, Ya-Ya Sisterhood and all, we are here for you. Lord knows you have been posting here longer than any of us, I think, you are our Queen!

NY~ Glad you got a laugh out of my candle-lighting ceremony, just make sure that baby doesn't arrive too soon from laughing! How are things going with your work/financial situation? Mine absolutely sucks. I don't know what else to do.

Drag~ Glad you're happy for me, I can feel your good vibes from across the pond tonight. No prob not agreeing with me as far as Queen. I just learned long ago that if I wanted to be a little selfish, if I wanted something, if I wanted to DO something, AND IF I could live with myself the next day, then I would go for it. No sense delaying something that makes you feel good UNLESS you can't face yourself the next morning.

Win~ Oh goodness, I bet I made you wetcha pants, GF, lol! I was such a wreck getting those candles lit! I wish I could have video taped myself!

Sherry~ Glad work went well for you, wish I could say the same! Eye candy is a good thing! Girl, if you are making THAT much coffe then it must be raining men! Enjoy the view! So sorry about the issues with your husband, it seems that when someone thinks they have no problems, that in itself IS the problem. Don't bang your head against the wall too hard, just take care of yourself and the kids. As far as school, I have a BA in Psychology and looked into getting a BS in Accounting online two years ago. This was through University of Phoenix. I would only need half the credit hours since all of my general studies would probably transfer towards the additional degree. You know for 13 months online those crackers wanted $14,000? That certainly ended that deal! Too damn expensive!

Sun~ What happened with LL? ("Latin Lover" to keep BT up to date.... ) I know how you feel, not wanting to call and interrupt anything, but I would have called or the curiosity would have driven me crazy! Hopefully, he got to see you and all is well. I know how you feel, I am starting to feel the same way about Ice, that things are so good that something is bound to go wrong. Just remember that the challenges make you stronger!

BT~ I love Eternity too, for men and women, it smells so good! Glad to hear you pissed off the dentist! LOL Don't they know your situation even a little, as far as limited income? They always think they can corner you. $3200 is a lot of dough.

Viv~ That is great that you're undetectable! Good news! Be patient with the CD4, it likes to take its damn time. Mine was in the mid-300s for about 3 years, up until this year. You can see where things have gone in just 9months, and I didn't even change meds. I haven't had counts this high since before I started meds back in '95. Its weird. This has also CLEARLY been the most stressful year of my life, with so many bad crappy things happening all at once. You'd think my CD4 would stay put, but it has soared to 746 through all of this. Just be patient!

Time to go dream about Iceman........He said my birthday is going to be a blast. I am getting a little excited tonight!

I've been sleeping a lot the last few days and made it impossible to focus on anything. I've been fighting just a seasonal cold, but I've been thinking of you all.

Trying to catch up on the post but it will take a little time.

CIN- OMG, what an amazing story. After everything and the ice man can relate cause of the Hep C. WOW. Can you imagine what has been going on in his mind the whole time. It would it make a great play. With everything you've been through, you deserve it girl!!!!

I got my new numbers yesterday:

Previous was VL-650 cd4 296

yesterday VL-980 cd4 410 so felt good.

my vl when it peaked was 6,000 but always remained really low. My CD4 definitely changes especially with all the stress I've experienced.

Hope all is well with you guys......GREAT avatar BT!

One more thing, its almost my second year anniversay since my dx....it blows my mind some days.

Seekay, I really couldn't recommend a good online university. I've seen advertisements for that one Cin mentioned, but the price she mentioned is way more than a regular university would cost. And who can afford that? I, myself, need hands-on type of stuff, with a live teacher. So I really couldn't recommend any reputable on-line universities. Good for you though for thinking about going back to school! I know I'm glad I'm going.

Viv, it sounds like you're really busy right now. Busy time of year with the reportcards and all. You must have a ton of patience to teach so many kids with so many different personalities.

Cin, I'm excited already to hear about how your birthday with Iceman goes! That's tomorrow, is that right? I would be through the roof with exciitement. I'm so happy that you found him, well actually that you guys found each other. You know, he was probably full of anxiety about telling you about his hep c. So you probably made it a lot more comfortable for him. I think that is so cool. Like I said before, I have a few friends who have hep c. They were IV drug users, but they have all been clean for multiple years. They seem to get along very well. One thing I found interesting is that when the monitor people who have hep c blood work, they check a viral load also. I don't know exactly how that works, though. Does Iceman have his usual hep c bloodwork done regularly? Just curious.

Cam-great to see you posting! We miss you! Good news about your bloodwork also. You know, CD4s, like Cin said, take their own time in climbing. I had a very low one (less than 100) for like three years in the early 90's. But the fact that they are going up, however slowly, is good news. Please continue to check in with us and let us know how you're doing!

Today I'm going to sort through some of my things and get some Goodwill bags going. I do this every so often. I don't do it for tax purposes, because I hardly ever file taxes, although I probably will have to this year because of my month's long employment. Not sure about that yet. I just like to get things "cleaned out" and donate stuff. My sponsor will be taking my old computer once the hard drive is wiped clean. A friend of mine who has a disc (the same kind the FBI uses) that will do that will be over Saturday so I can wipe it off. I'm just a little paranoid about giving it away without doing that first, as I've used my debit card on there. I wouldn't want anyone to get ahold of that information and have my bank account wiped out. I remember when my second husband did that to me. It was after he started using IV drugs again. One night, while I was asleep, he took my ATM card, found my PIN number and went from ATM to ATM and wiped my whole bank account out (this was before the days that banks limited how much one could take out in one day). That really sucked. I wouldn't want to go through that again. Other than that, I might look at starting a paper for my psychology class. This week marks the 1/2 way point for my classes. Wow, time goes by so fast.

Cin, if you're still IM'ing Queen, please encourage her to come back here and let us know how she's doing. I don't expect you to reveal anything you guys are talking about, but it sure would be nice to hear from her! Thanks.

I hope all you ladies have a good day-

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

Cindy - your candles story was hilarious, i'm glad u're having such a blast with your man. imagine if u'd set yourself on fire for love..

Em congrats on the adoption. hope all the paperwork and stuff is sorted out by now and she'll be with u soon

Cammie - great results girl! i passed my 2 year mark on april 5 and almost 'celebrated' with starting meds. fortunately my doctor said i didnt need to coz my 109 count was a blip.

Queen - hows things? i hope u're ok. its never an easy road when it comes to love..

Drag - watch 'meet the parents' and meet the fockers..tips on what not to do! but its great that u're meeting his parents. do i hear wedding bells in the near future?

BT - congrats on the new computer and tooth. me i wouldve gone around with the biggest smile showing people my missing tooth. just to see their reactions

confused - i hope u and your husband are talking again. i doont think i could live in such a tense situation , my blood pressure would hit the roof

me my weekend was alright spent it at my uncles house having this family ceremony. as for men, i disclosed to an old boyfriend but he doesnt believe me!!! there i was all relieved that i had had a good reaction to disclosure and after a great date he texts me saying that he knew i was joking. do i have to go around with lab results in my bag so that people believe me?