BITS AND PIECES

Crafty creature’s demise difficult to explain

By Emory SchleyColumnist

Published: Saturday, October 5, 2013 at 6:30 a.m.

Last Modified: Friday, October 4, 2013 at 6:28 p.m.

I recently wrote about the trials and tribulations experienced in the Schley household over a very unwelcome guest, who apparently enjoyed dining on the plastic parts of my new lawnmower. After a number of attempts, his nefarious career was brought to an inglorious end by some mysterious force loose somewhere in the universe.

As you may recall, I found the deceased rat lying on his back with his feet in the air, right beside three different spring traps that had fired off, but none of the traps managed to snag him. He was unmarked and appeared unhurt. But he was definitely among the departed.

Tom F. Thompson, Jacksonville, wrote: “Something my dad used with great success on the traps: Chew up a big wad of bubble gum and place that on the spring. Try as they might, they can’t get it off. I had fun reading your story.”

Barbara Mcghee wrote: “Emory, clearly he died laughing at your attempts to catch him. It seems that you got the last laugh!”

Dolores Hodge wrote: “Should have had an autopsy.”

Frank Davis, Ocala, wrote: “It was with great amusement that I read your missive describing your recent encounter with the persistent rodent. Although it was highly entertaining to myself, I would expect that many folks of certain liberal persuasions are highly incensed and downright furious.

“I can just imagine the frightening, chaotic scene in your garage as, with mouse and rat traps snapping their death-dealing jaws all round, the unfortunate creature spun round in a break dancing frenzy of terror until it finally succumbed to a massive heart attack.

“I would not be surprised if you should soon receive a knock on your door and find investigators from the SPCA, PETA, and several federal and state agencies, anxious to interrogate you and charge you with a host of violations.”

Gee, Frank, you think so? After all, the rat WAS trespassing and vandalizing, y’know!

Barb Franz wrote: “We had rats in our barn a few years back. We purchased Have a Heart traps in which we were able to capture the rats and relocate them to various wooded areas. This was humane and rid us of the rats. I believe these traps are available at Tractor Supply.”

Barb, the wooded area next door is probably where he came from in the first place. It would be like throwing Br’er Rabbit into the bramble bushes.

Suzanne DePascale, Ocala, wrote: “I was eating breakfast while reading your column. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable with the thought of this finding its way into your garage. As I continued reading, the discomfort almost turned to nausea. The horror of it all was that it now seemed to be a permanent fixture in your garage.

“No, I’m not referring to the rat. It made me start to sweat just reading that your washer and dryer are in your garage. Beautiful Marion County is just not beautiful in the summer. The summers here seem to get hotter every year. At my house, we don’t say another day in paradise (except in the winter), but another day on the surface of the sun.”

Suzanne, this is Florida... it’s SUPPOSED to be hot. People who like it cold live in places like Minnesota.

Gina Gabriel, Belleview, wrote: “Here are several perfectly logical explanations to the mysterious circumstances surrounding your recent rat demise. Most important to note, all explanations provided are proof-positive that your rat-reduction efforts were effective and did, in fact, result in The Death of a Rodent.

“1) The sheer stress of recovering bait without triggering the trap must be a harrowing experience itself. Multiply that by numerous traps and you have — instant rat heart attack.

“2) Albeit not immobilized in the trap, one of the snaps probably did indeed strike this crafty and nimble rat, causing internal injuries which ultimately led to — drop-dead rat syndrome.

“3) After feasting in gluttonous fashion on peanut butter, cheese and lawn mower plastic, the engorged appendix of the rat went phooey and — you guessed it — transported the rat to the Pest Afterlife.

“Anecdotal evidence and longitudinal studies have often shown that, in the absence of poison or firearms, an effective rat-disposal system is exactly the method you employed, to wit: repeated traps with food-bait. Repeat until rat is dead.

“Addendum; Much of the ‘news’ is dreary, political and boring. But we always look forward to your columns; so much so, in fact, we purchase a paper subscription so we can share your articles via snail mail with my 94-year-old grandmother (an avid reader but not computer literate). Please carry on, Sir...!”

HELP NEEDED: The Friends of Rainbow Springs need volunteers to assist with their Santa Over the Rainbow event, and time is growing short for the annual project. They also need someone with electrical knowledge. Training and orientation are available to volunteers.

Contact Linda Booth, chairwoman for Santa Over the Rainbow, at the park from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mondays, at 465-8555, or at home after 3 p.m. each day, at 489-8809.

<p>I recently wrote about the trials and tribulations experienced in the Schley household over a very unwelcome guest, who apparently enjoyed dining on the plastic parts of my new lawnmower. After a number of attempts, his nefarious career was brought to an inglorious end by some mysterious force loose somewhere in the universe.</p><p>As you may recall, I found the deceased rat lying on his back with his feet in the air, right beside three different spring traps that had fired off, but none of the traps managed to snag him. He was unmarked and appeared unhurt. But he was definitely among the departed.</p><p><b>Tom F. Thompson</b>, Jacksonville, wrote: “Something my dad used with great success on the traps: Chew up a big wad of bubble gum and place that on the spring. Try as they might, they can't get it off. I had fun reading your story.”</p><p><b>Barbara Mcghee</b> wrote: “Emory, clearly he died laughing at your attempts to catch him. It seems that you got the last laugh!”</p><p><b>Dolores Hodge</b> wrote: “Should have had an autopsy.”</p><p><b>Frank Davis</b>, Ocala, wrote: “It was with great amusement that I read your missive describing your recent encounter with the persistent rodent. Although it was highly entertaining to myself, I would expect that many folks of certain liberal persuasions are highly incensed and downright furious.</p><p>“I can just imagine the frightening, chaotic scene in your garage as, with mouse and rat traps snapping their death-dealing jaws all round, the unfortunate creature spun round in a break dancing frenzy of terror until it finally succumbed to a massive heart attack.</p><p>“I would not be surprised if you should soon receive a knock on your door and find investigators from the SPCA, PETA, and several federal and state agencies, anxious to interrogate you and charge you with a host of violations.”</p><p><i>Gee, Frank, you think so? After all, the rat WAS trespassing and vandalizing, y'know! </i></p><p><b>Barb Franz</b> wrote: “We had rats in our barn a few years back. We purchased Have a Heart traps in which we were able to capture the rats and relocate them to various wooded areas. This was humane and rid us of the rats. I believe these traps are available at Tractor Supply.”</p><p><i>Barb, the wooded area next door is probably where he came from in the first place. It would be like throwing Br'er Rabbit into the bramble bushes. </i></p><p><b>Suzanne DePascale</b>, Ocala, wrote: “I was eating breakfast while reading your column. I found myself feeling very uncomfortable with the thought of this finding its way into your garage. As I continued reading, the discomfort almost turned to nausea. The horror of it all was that it now seemed to be a permanent fixture in your garage.</p><p>“No, I'm not referring to the rat. It made me start to sweat just reading that your washer and dryer are in your garage. Beautiful Marion County is just not beautiful in the summer. The summers here seem to get hotter every year. At my house, we don't say another day in paradise (except in the winter), but another day on the surface of the sun.”</p><p><i>Suzanne, this is Florida... it's SUPPOSED to be hot. People who like it cold live in places like Minnesota. </i></p><p><b>Gina Gabriel</b>, Belleview, wrote: “Here are several perfectly logical explanations to the mysterious circumstances surrounding your recent rat demise. Most important to note, all explanations provided are proof-positive that your rat-reduction efforts were effective and did, in fact, result in The Death of a Rodent.</p><p>“1) The sheer stress of recovering bait without triggering the trap must be a harrowing experience itself. Multiply that by numerous traps and you have — instant rat heart attack.</p><p>“2) Albeit not immobilized in the trap, one of the snaps probably did indeed strike this crafty and nimble rat, causing internal injuries which ultimately led to — drop-dead rat syndrome.</p><p>“3) After feasting in gluttonous fashion on peanut butter, cheese and lawn mower plastic, the engorged appendix of the rat went phooey and — you guessed it — transported the rat to the Pest Afterlife.</p><p>“Anecdotal evidence and longitudinal studies have often shown that, in the absence of poison or firearms, an effective rat-disposal system is exactly the method you employed, to wit: repeated traps with food-bait. Repeat until rat is dead.</p><p>“Addendum; Much of the 'news' is dreary, political and boring. But we always look forward to your columns; so much so, in fact, we purchase a paper subscription so we can share your articles via snail mail with my 94-year-old grandmother (an avid reader but not computer literate). Please carry on, Sir...!”</p><p><b>HELP NEEDED</b>: The Friends of Rainbow Springs need volunteers to assist with their Santa Over the Rainbow event, and time is growing short for the annual project. They also need someone with electrical knowledge. Training and orientation are available to volunteers.</p><p>Contact <b>Linda Booth</b>, chairwoman for Santa Over the Rainbow, at the park from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mondays, at 465-8555, or at home after 3 p.m. each day, at 489-8809.</p>