What do you do when you hear something you didn’t want to hear?

There is a pit in your stomach. You are praying, “Please God, don’t let it be as bad as I think it is.” The whole time you are waiting to hear this news. It feels like forever.

Then, you hear the news and all you want to do is cry. You may want to hit something. Running away feels like a good option.

Regardless, you have to digest the news.

There may be a time of shock. The shock will leave you in a brain fog. Your mind wants to figure out your next step, but all you can do is sit there dumbfounded. There is even a struggle to remember your own name. The weight of the news feels like it is crushing you.

Yet, you have to do something with what you just heard.

There have been several occasions that I have heard such news.

One of my earliest memories is with my sister. When my sister was first diagnosed with a brain tumor I thought it was a joke. I thought that there was no way that she could be that sick. There was a period of denial and anger. There was a time of morning.

They told us she was going to die. 6 was the number of times she was “suppose” to die. She never did die. Hearing that she could have was a lot to bear.

Recently, a member of my family received some tough news. They will be in and out of a hospital for the next few years. This is until their condition improves. In reality, it may never improve.

It is a hard to swallow. It makes you want to pull your hair out!

Have you ever been there?

I am sure that it was hard for you. You may have been experiencing times of intense loneliness. There may have been times of confusion and fear. Maybe you went into a downward spiral of denial and pain.

I felt much of it.

My heart and mind were filled with anger, confusion, and pain.

I would stare off into space and wonder what was happening.

It made me feel alone.

What did you during this time?

Did you know what to do?

When you are walking through these situations it is hard to know what to do. You don’t know how you are going to handle the situation until you are in the situation. Only then can we see how we will handle it.

Sometimes we find that we are able to handle the situations better than we thought.

Other times we find out that we are way worse off.

Let me take the guessing game away. Here are 4 principals that I have gained through my experiences. They have helped me through some of the toughest times. I am positive that they will help you as well.

1. Take time to Process it.

You just heard some life changing news. What makes us think that we can just pick up and move on? When did we come to the conclusion that we aren’t affected by what we heard?

When something life changing happens we need time to sit with it. We have to let the reality of the situation wash over us. Yes, it can be painful. The reality is often painful and at times cruel.

Recently, a family member was struggling with their illness. For many years I have downplayed the severity of the illness. Believing that they will be “ok” or that it isn’t “that bad” I lived a lie. I was caught up in a hyper-positive thinking process. Often times downplaying the reality of it.

Well, until recently that was me. The doctors gave some stark news that left me breathless. Sitting here I am still dealing with the news.

My problem? I have never stopped long enough to process the information.

I have many questions that I have never taken the time to ask. What does this illness mean for their future? What is my role in their healing and treatment? How do I help or hinder their progress? What does this mean for my family? How do I deal with this in a healthy manner? How do I feel about what is happening?

If I would have just sat there and processed through everything I would be in a better place. Because I have never taken the time to process the situation I am sitting here a mess. There is a bit of hurt and pain running through me.

I feel helpless.

Yet, each day I am coming to terms with the news. I was asking the right questions. There were times that I spent ample times doing research into the issue. Each step I took helped me accept the news.

When you learn to process through your feelings you are learning to cope with the pain.

2. Hang onto Hope.

The MOMENT you hear the tough news you go through a plethora of emotions. It doesn’t matter if you are a manly man or a sensitive one you feel it. I respect the female ability to process through deep emotion. There is something beautiful about the way they are able to stay strong inside of tough emotions.

Yet, one thing I can say we share between us is the loss of hope. In tough situations, we all find it hard to hold onto hope. It seems to be the first thing that leaves when we hear the news that causes us to falter.

Hope is one of the most powerful motivators. It is also one of the most powerful stabilizers. You draw strength from it. There is a feeling of confidence that comes from it. In short, without hope, we become lost.

You have to hang onto hope with everything you got.

For me, my hope is found in Jesus. You may not agree, but I do not make apologies for my faith. Every situation that I face I face it with the knowledge that no matter what happens I am loved. That alone gives me the strength to keep pressing through.

Why Jesus? I come from a multi-religious background. Meaning, I have practiced a number of different religions through my life. Each and every one that I practiced left me in the same place. I was hopeless, empty and scared.

I tried to put my hope in things. It failed me. I tried to put my hope in people. They failed me. There was even a point when I tried to put my hope in me. Ultimately, I failed.

When I became a believer I realized that I was no longer empty and scared. There was a hope that was born in me. No matter the situation I KNOW that I will make it through!

Maybe you are not a Christian. There will be a challenge as you look for things to hope in. Remember, that the world is a broken place full of hurting people. If you are looking for people to save you it may not happen.

Whatever you do: HANG ONTO HOPE!

3. Allow people to hold you up.

This one was hard for me. I grew up in Philadelphia. Growing up there gave us an independent attitude that was too proud to ask for help.

Whatever I was going through I put to the side to help others go through it. Never once did I ask for help. You just didn’t do those things. This attitude stuck with me for the better part of my life.

Recently, I realized how stupid I was.

If you do not have anyone to hold you up then you will never get up.

Relationships are at the core of who we are.

Allow people to step in and help. My only suggestion is to allow people that you trust help you.

If you are having trust issues, and cannot ask for help, well that is another post for another day 😉

NEXT STEPS

#1. I love it when people share their thoughts.

I am eager to hear how you have navigated through some tough situations in your life. Comment below and let me know what you would add to this list!

#2. Would you consider sharing these tweetables?

[bctt tweet=”You don’t know how you are going to handle the situation until you are in the situation.” username=”Jim_burgoon”]
[bctt tweet=”When you learn to process through your feelings you are learning to cope with the pain.” username=”Jim_burgoon”]
[bctt tweet=”You have to hang onto hope with everything you got. Without hope, we are lost. #keephope” username=”Jim_burgoon”]
[bctt tweet=”If you do not have anyone to hold you up then you will never get up. #togetherwemakeit” username=”Jim_burgoon”]
[bctt tweet=”Drop the pride and learn to ask for help! It may save your life. #humility #killpride” username=”Jim_burgoon”]

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I have been there when things seem like they are spiraling. And been there when they pronounced something that sounded like hope was lost. But I do believe that hope it one of the most important aspects of a persons character. And the ability to hope even in hopeless situations can carry us through. The key is finding the right thing to hope in. And knowing that where we place that hope means everything. What happens may not be always as we have planned it. But it works together for good nevertheless.

If i heard something about me I, I think I can process it coz it involves only me. But hearing something about others… like what do you do in that situation? The guilt of having to tell or not… xx corinne

What a beautiful post. It really is so important to sit with the uncomfortable feelings that come up after hearing something so horrible, because ignoring them will only lead to more problems down the road.

Thank you for your kind words! I am right with you. It is so hard to sit with uncomfortable feelings. I agree wholeheartedly agree with you that ignoring the feelings can only cause worse things to happen!

Very powerful. I especially relate to the part about asking for help. I don’t like to ask for help. I’m supposed to have it all together aren’t I? Well that’s how I feel often, but I know I’m designed to be in community with others.

These are great tips for dealing with terrible news! The first tip, taking time to process the new information, is the best one. When it’s news that you can’t ignore then it’s important to think about it and fully understand it. I’ve seen way too many people ignore things that they don’t want to deal with, big or small, and it came back to bite them.

Very well said. I have been through situations like this before, and it is not easy. My dad passed away from cancer when I was 19. Looking back on it now, hearing the news that he had cancer when I was 17 was I think more than I even knew how to handle. I held on to hope, we all did. But God decided to take him home after 2 long years of suffering. I find peace knowing I’ll see my dad again. He is in a place with no more pain or sorrows..

I love your suggestions for handling news that you are not prepared to hear. Allowing yourself time to process the news and to realize it is real is really key. People sometimes make rash decisions when they don’t do this. I am in my 60s and have obviously been given news in the course of my life that I hadn’t been prepared for. I will say that growing older and growing up helps a great deal.

How has pushing these thing away really helped you in your life? I find that when I am able to answer that question I can see the truth of where I am at and what to do from there! Let me know how I can serve you.

How we handle tough situations and how we handle devastating news really reveals a lot about where our hope is. I always want to place my hope in Jesus so that bad news will be put in proper perspective.

This was really interesting! I’ve definitely run into this situation quite a few times in my life. I do think it’s good to absorb the information without letting it bring you down. Hope is important and sometimes there are things we can do to improve the situation.

If you read my article about stress you will notice that I discuss that sentiment. When we take a step back and take the whole picture in we can make an action plan for the furture. Thank you for capturing the heart of the article!

I had a conversation with someone about length of time. I find that the amount of time is unique for every person. Some process quickly. Others take time. I am someone who needs some time, but when I am done I am done. I will be praying for you and this situation.

Thank you for your kind words. I struggle with it as well. I ignore things when I know I shouldn’t. I think it’s time for a change. It is time to get healthy again. It is time to confront the pain head on and find health! Thank you for sharing.

I can relate to this post. I was very young then when my dad called me to his side. He said, in a very calm voice. “I have cancer.” My eyes welled with tears, all I could say (actually shout) to my dad was, “No, you don’t! Stop saying those things!” I was in disbelief. No. That cannot happen. Daddy’s a doctor. He can’t have cancer. He should know. I was in denial. As the months and several surgeries went by, my denial turned to prayer and hope. That God will heal my father. That the cancer will be gone. God gave me a different answer though. He called my dad back into His Arms. He took away all his pain. I was heartbroken but I was comforted by the thought that Daddy is now in a better place.

I love that you point out holding on to hope! I think it’s much healthier to focus on hope than the bad in a tough situation. I agree that leaning on others can be important too!
Cheers. Sarah Camille // SCsScoop.com

Most of us get a high blood pressure with the way we react after getting a bad news. We all will get one bad news or the other at one point in our lives, so how we react is actually very important. I like the way you gave some salient advice that can help us push through.

I have tried ignoring what I could. It hasn’t really worked for me. The goal, for me, is to live an emotionally healthy life. What I have found is that when I try to ignore things I tend to just bury them. I liked to deal with things head on. What I can get through today is something I don’t need to worry about tomorrow. Thank you for joining the conversation! I appreciate your perspective!

Thank you for your kind words. We were created to be in relationship with one another. It is at the core of who we are. It is funny how we push that to the side because of our independence. Ultimately, our severe independence causes us to violate our design. Maybe, just maybe, we should ask for help more often. I think then we would truly see what it is like to live whole and healthy. Thank you for sharing!

I love this post. There is so much truth to it. I really resonated with what you said about learning to let others help. I can be a stubborn and independent person and don’t want to admit when I need help from others. Thank you for a thought provoking and vulnerable post!

Thank you for your kind words! I think you and I are a lot alike. I have always had a bit of trouble asking for help. Then I realized that I cannot do this alone. There are so many things happening that I feel like I’ll crack under the pressure. That is why I need people. To help me hold the weight up. It only took my 30 plus years to figure that out!

Great post! I am a Christian too, saved 17 years ago. Also, I think it’s VERY important to have people help hold you up. We were created for community, not to be alone in life. 🙂 I’m bookmarking and following your website! I think it’s THAT good.

I can’t imagine hearing one of my family members had a brain tumor. Tumors are so scary, especially in the brain! My sister actually might have MS, she isn’t even thirty right yet. This was just what I needed to hear…thank you. Thank you very much. for writing this.

Jim's mission in life is to help people taking their NEXT STEPS towards the life they truly desire. As a member of The John Maxwell Leadership Team, a military veteran, and a 15 year veteran of ministry Jim has the background and the ability to help you achieve your goals.