At what age is it ok to dye your daughter's hair? Or should I be direct & ask is 9yrs old too young to dye red bold highlights ?

Jennifer - posted on 04/11/2012
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I have a sister who dyed her daughter ( my 9 yr old niece ) hair bold red streaks. At 8 she had put in blond highlight over the summer saying they would blend in & no one will notice it was the summer anyway. I wasn't ok with it but let it be. But now she went & dyed her hair thick bold red streaks & they look like the salon , Good job I will agree but not on a lil girl. The lil girl is beyond shy & very sentimental personality wise. When ever someone ask her a question she just quietly nods yes, real shy. So why would this fool of a sister of mine do such a thing. It's not cute. She looks too... grown & I know she may say its fun but let her go to school on monday & some child have a rude comment. The flood will be on & on. So to prevent things like this why not do something else the child may like that may not be disturbing in the future. If the lil girl had a sassy, strong attitude then Ok to a point. I know she could fend for herself but even tho 9 yrs old I don't think is a good age to do so. What do you think ??

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Katie - posted on 04/12/2012

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My niece was about 8 or 9 yrs old when her Mum (my sister in law) put bright pink streaks through her hair. She naturally has pretty blonde hair so these pink streaks stood out! My niece does have a pretty outgoing personality but I do think it was her Mum's influence on getting it done, rather than asking on her own. It was quite weird seeing her hair at first but it grew on me and she has had various colours since. Because of her outgoing nature, it works. But if I had a daughter (I have a 3yr old son), I probably would only go for natural colours at a young age and a wash-out one too!

Sounds like a majority of moms here are speaking of the same thing, coloring her hair is having fun & its being cute, Do you all see a common factor here, PINK, cute, girly temp out of fun for the moment lil girly thing to do . Aside of the young boys who had their hair dyed blue & green. They are all in fun, & they are all younger than 9 more or less & Im more than sure it's lil strands here & there. But thats not in this case. She has, I want to say 1 1/2 inch wide strands of Red mature color. It would be ok I think lil strands of pink maybe even purple or any color but the style that was done. Hopefully it has been changed maybe not to prove her point but I'm not feeling it. I dont even let my 12 or 15 yr old use the temp hair color, some of them dont even wash all the way thru, they leave a stain. Clip in's would've been fun, I even have clip in's of all colors we've used b4 & glitter gel for occassions ( cheerleading or girls nite) IDC no more , what's done is done. Hopefully she won't be teased or criticized because then I will really get upset.

I would say if the girl wants it yes, if she didn't or wasn't given an option then no. Although personally the only dye my daughter will use at 9yo will be temporary wash in wash out stuff, but that's personal preference.

@ Jennifer- I think it just really matters what is important to the parent. I have a boy so its not a big deal using the perminant dye so when he is done with the color we can just cut his hair. I have neices and I am fine with them doing their hair however they want as long as it looks age appropriate. Their mom is much stricter than I am so we do fun colors during the summer and it is the temp dye.

As far as your neice being shy just be there for her and keep your opinions to yourself...let her have her own and help her to express them.

Let the child stay a child !! No way she is way too young .......just saying and isn't that kind of sending her a message that her hair is not beautiful or pretty .A child should feel pretty or handsome the way she/he is and I would think coloring her hair would send her the wrong message and making her grow up oh so fast ,tell her to keep her baby as long as she can as they grow up in a blink of an eye ..

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Lynn - posted on 08/29/2013

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I agree. I never dyed my hair until I was in college,.. and then it was a natural color, not far removed from my natural hair color. I now am much older and have high lights to cover the greys. My daughter, however, dyed her hair when she was in high school.. red, which complemented her skin tone. Later, as an adult she dyed her hair purple, teal, deep blue..which caused heads to turn, but she is a hippie and thinks she can get away with this. I am my 9 year old granddaughter's guardian. My daughter wants to dye my granddaughter, her daughter's hair red.. The little girl is 9, has dark honey blond hair with natural high lights. She is a beautiful little girl almost 10 years old and in 4th grade. I talked with my granddaughter about how she feels about fitting in, having friends, she states that she has no friends.. so it doesn't matter. She does have friends.. so this excuse is bogus. She says that the dye will wash out. I forbid it. She is on a swim team, all the chlorine in the water will ruin the color of the hair. I see this a too much too soon. What is the big rush to grow up?

Can you call a family attorney for an explanation of your parental rights vs the step mother's parental rights? Does sound like you as the mother has more parental rights. See an attorney and get it in writing just what can and can't be done to your children's hair when they have visitation with your ex and his wife.

Let the child stay a child !! No way she is way too young .......just saying and isn't that kind of sending her a message that her hair is not beautiful or pretty .A child should feel pretty or handsome the way she/he is and I would think coloring her hair would send her the wrong message and making her grow up oh so fast ,tell her to keep her baby as long as she can as they grow up in a blink of an eye ..

It's only not ok if the child didn't want it to begin with. My 2 daughters ages 7 and 2 have asked me a million times to dye their hair, because i never stay the same color for very long myself...

I see no problem with it personally,but i don't use actual hair dye on them either. I use kool-ade mix or food color to do them because they both wash right out in the bath..

Personal expression is fine as long as it's age appropriate. My oldest girl knows that i'm ok with her doing what ever she wants to her hair when she gets older, with the stipulation that she has to be able to fund this operation without my help. That is the same rule I was given when I was a kid. So of course, I didn't get perminent color until i had a job in high school. And i haven't seen my natural color since.

Regarding the pink over the summer - "I wasn't okay with it but let it be." ?!? You make it sound as though it's your place to give your sister permission on what she can and can't do with her daughter. Then when people say it's only hair, it's not a big deal, your answer is that there's other stuff that they couldn't possibly understand that makes it a big deal. "Other families just let it be & let whoever deal with the consequences, Not Me." Sounds to me like you are just looking for validation that it's okay to try to rule your sister's family also. If ther are other major issues that this is only one example of, then your question isn't really about the hair, and if people can't fully understand the situation without more information, then you shouldn't have asked for opinions without explaining what the situation is!

I know later you said that you were just curious to the comments of others and respect them all, but other than that one post, it didn't sound that way (at least, not to me.)

I kind of have an issue like this. My daughters' step mom has dyed all three of their hair, when I told the girls I didn't want their hair dyed any more (she's done it before). My 5 yr old said she told her I didn't want it done, and step mom said she didn't care! She put red streaks in my 5 yr old's hair, pink in my 8 yr old's, and dyed my 9 yr old's black/brown, and put bright red streaks in it! Her hair is naturally blonde! Then she posted pics of their hair on fb, and one of her friends commented, asking if it was kool aide, or dye. Her reply was "hair dye, their mom is gonna flip out!" I am so angry, and tryiing to find a way to get the dyye out, and stop her from doing it, again!

Erica , I didn't mean we battling , I meant it in general overall. No apology needed. I understand about how some families are that's why I said earlier if you only knew the whole story. Being first born, 1st female grandchild, I guess I take on the motherly role over everyone & I should lighten my weight but thats how it's been for years. Now we just have to see what else tomorrow brings.

Well, I stated my opinion and wasn't looking for a battle. You sound as concerened for your niece as I am mine and therefore commented. never ment to sound offensive. I deeply apologize if I offended you. I just know where speaking up is concerned in my close family you pick your battles.

I understand what u meant but I guess unless we know the whole story then things will not be understood. On this topic I appreciate the inputs & take then all into consideration. She isn't my own & her mother decided to take the role as a mother so let her be. Mom gets pissed off but understands I mean well. We both agree to disagree in our relationship even tho we have our moments. I said my part & let it go. I just needed to hear opinions not start battles, curious to the comments of others & like I said before respect them all. Thanks to all the commentators.

Jennifer, I mean letting her vent to you. Not you try to push her into activities. And by no means did I try to imply you were harming her, dying her hair isn't physically harming her. My point was simply this - you piss mom off and she can eliminate contact between you and your niece. There is a saying "pick your battles, and IMO this is a battle you should pass on since it's not your child and every one has a right to raise there child the way see fit. I've been in your shoes on different matter with my sSIL who I'm close to and created lots of problems...

Responding to Erica , I would understand mom trying to get her out her shell but thats not even close to the case, & there are many other ways to do so. My niece has been going thru teasing already as a simple beautiful shy girl already, so I think this didn't make it any better. As for talking to help her WE've talked about getting her into activities that she likes, she's done acting, dance& modeling classes to get her a confidence up a little. She's opted not to continue does on her own will. Now she's doing softball which is great, physically, mentally & definitely socially. I do have a strong word when it comes to my family but it's not to harm anyone. I love my family & would'nt want them to get hurt in any way that is why I am so concerned. Other families just let it be & let whoever deal with the consequences, Not Me.

@ Gabrielle Mom just picked up my oldest niece who came to stay for awhile after not being around the family for years. She wanted to get her hair done so that's when they all did it together . That was fine & fun but the child doesn't look like a child, thats the point. Coloring it with temp lil color is fine but the way they did it is too mature, she's 9.

I have to ask cuz it doesnt really say in the post but did your niece want her hair done or did her mom just do it cuz I could understand if the girl wanted her hair done but if her mom just did it that is a whole different thing

I understand that this girl is your neice, but I think your out of line if you say something. She's not in danger and maybe mom is trying to get her out of her shell. I have only dyed my hair 2x's in my entire life (28) but I don't see the issue. I would be way more upset if mom was letting her get a tattoo. I have 5 neices that I love very very much and I understand you wanting to take care of your neice. But she's not your daughter.

If she gets teased instead of being mad at mom why not be the "friend" for her to talk to and go over solutions on what she should have done in the situation. (like stand up for herself...) Criticisim is a part of everyday life so why not help prepare her for it since you have no control over what mom does?

My daughter is 3 1/2 and last weekend while watching me get my hair dyed, she asked to have pink streaks in her hair. (I had it done to mine earlier in the year and I also dyed all of my hair pink at x-mas(and if ur wondering I am 32 years old) so I told her that if she wanted it done she had to sit still while it was being done and had to stay in the chair until it was time to rinse it out and that she could not touch the foils. so i did it, and she sat still and did everything that i told her she would have to do to have it done, and it shocked the hell out of me, cuz Addi has always had ants in her pants and has never been one to sit still at all. my mother freaked out about it, but how could i say no to her, when its something i have done and i was getting my hair colored black at the same time. I grew up with brick wall parents, and was never allowed to have a say in anything that i wanted at all, I know that some of you will read this and think OMG what kind of parent is she, but i think that when she asks to do things that r with in reason, why not. Like I said i was never allowed to have any say in anything in the house i grew up in, which why now I have done things like dye all my hair pink and black and other colors i always wanted to try, and I am also lucky that where we r living at I can't work, cuz i don't speak french, so now i get to do all the cool things i always wanted to do but never could, but we will moving this summer and that means back to work for me but it has been fun having funky colored hair for the last 3 years!!!!!!!!!!

My son is 5 and he has had his hair green and blue on and off for the past few years. It's just hair and he asked for it. I see no harm, I started doing my hair green and pink and what not when I was in 3rd grade. I asked, my step mom did it, I keep my hair a semi natural hair color now but I have had it every color under the sun. When my parents made it normal I didn't have that to rebel against. I have gotten comments from people in the store about my sons hair but I stand by my response.." how does his hair color affect you? If you do not like it do not look at him."

I DONT THING 9 IS OLD ENOUGH TO BE DOING ANYTHING LIKE THAT. FOR SOMEONE SO YOUNG THAT WOULD BE LIKE LETTING THEM GET SOMETHING OTHER THAN THEIR EARS PIERCED OR GETTING A TATTOO. SHE SHOULDN'T BE ABLE TO GET HER HAIR DONE LIKE THAT UNTIL SHE IS AT LEAST 12 OR OLDER.

Thank you ladies for the feedback, I understand all your views & respect them. But call me old school or whatever. Like Michelle & Bonnie said I think when they are older it's ok. There are many other things that lil girls can do to look pretty but rushing into hair dye for me is for older people. I see this as a sign of her wanting to be accepted & maturing too fast that's why I asked. I can see the cuteness in getting the funky colors here & there but the look she's wearing is not young it's very mature for her age, not even my older niece(18) has them as dramatic & bold.

She's a lil girl, shy & very emotional. This was done in my eyes to be accepted by her mother. There are many other factors in this but it has nothing to do with the topic so I'll leave it alone. I think it was too much lil girls should be pretty & cute for as long as they can. We have the rest of lives to be grown ups so her mother should've known better, childhood is only for so long.

We won't let the girls color their hair until they are in high school. Number one, now is the most beautiful time for natural hair color, when your young! Two, there are soooo many other fun things that we can do to feel "pretty" or "cool" that are not permanent. Manicures, pedicures, clip in feathers, fancy dresses....

My niece had hot pink stripes in her blond hair when she was 8. It was really cute. Everyone loved it, and it definitely gave her popularity at school a boost. Helped her confidence too. Kids are expected to do this kind of stuff, we just started allowing it to happen younger, and that's OK.

I have seen blue mohawks on boys and stripes on girls. Where I live, its normal. I think I was 12 the first time I highlighted my hair, but my first perm (yuck) was when I was 10. If my daughter wants some funky colors, I will most likely let her.

What makes dying hair so bad? It grows out eventually, and most of those wild colors fade enough to be covered or corrected when needed.