Well, it has only been a week (which by internet standards is about four years), but this image and the whole Aqua Teen Hunger Force terror ad campaign debacle is too hilarious. It is really a shame that ATHF and other Adult Swim shows don’t have greater viewership, otherwise this whole unfortunate scene could have been avoided. On the other hand, I am glad that our nation’s defenses are strong and alert enough to have put down this “terror cell in our midst” and make sure that it’s perpetrators do hard time. Let this be a warning to improv comics everywhere.

Hidalee-Ho, neighbor! It is amazing how busy things get once all the students return to campus each Fall. They actually expect to, like, start using digital library services and stuff. OMG.

Anywho, I saw a funny and apt bumpersticker the other day and I had to quickly risk my life to capture a photo (while stuck in seemingly endless Carrboro gridlock). Beware the ides of September! Ageism… it will catch up to you!

The poor woman in front of me must have thought I was a Homeland Security Agent surreptitiously snapping photos of the back of her late-model Subaru wagon with Liberal bumperstickers and out-of-state plates. As soon as I got a good picture, she darted off the roadway into the safety zone of Weaver Street Market. That way all the hippies could protect her against my unilateral onslaught.

Today’s post serves two basic purposes. Firstly, I’d like to give a big shout-out to my main damie Ted Turner. That’s right. I never thought I would have something good to say about ‘Ol Hanoi Ted, but this time everything he says is right on the money. In short, going to Iraq was historically “dumb,” Iran should be able to nuke us if they get to a feelin’ that way, only women should be allowed to run the world, and that the United Nations are like the elite Aqua Teen Hunger Force of international crime fighting. Good on ya, Ted! Now maybe you should use some of those billions to support candidates for office who believe these sensible things.

The second purpose is a bit more sinister. My web sponsors have noticed a tiny dip in traffic to this site and are threatening to pull the plug on my air-breathing machine if I do not remedy the situation post haste. So, if you are a real human (not a spambot, spammer, or any automated type of spam delivery) and you are really reading this, then why don’t you do ‘Ol Dave a favor and leave a comment.

It could be anything. Suggestions for future write-ups. Lyrics to your favorite song. Reasons I should ask Ted Turner for $175 million to run for President in 2008. Anything that comes to mind. Me and my overlord sponsors thank you.

Sure, you might have been following all the bombings surrounding the Green Zone in Baghdad, but have you left yourself open to a much more prevalent and insidious threat? Namely, zombie attack? Don’t berate yourself too much — after all, many of us are underprepared for such an event.

Well, thanks to our friends at zombiedefense.org, now we can learn all about this (almost) silent danger and find more creative and effective ways to run from it. Rumor has it that this site was created by some truly insane Chapel Hill locals and that it features artwork by the World Famous Dan-O.

So ease on down to zombiedefense today and eliminate the weakest link in your personal security chain. Remember — they are putting this information out there to save lives — those of you and your children. Don’t be the next tasty brain treat for someone’s undead grandma.

This one is for Ben and Giggling Amy who had to call me in the middle of the night to make sure I saw this webpage before I went to bed. Personally, I find the idea of discriminating against folks based on their relative fatness to be hideous. But it makes for one funny website.

That one on the right is too damn happy, but I wouldn’t mess with the mom on the left. She is givin’ you the stank eye. (And isn’t the one in the middle the actress who played Marcy [Al Bundy’s neighbor] on Married with Children?)

The Apple nerds of the world anxiously await this freakin’ awesome software release from Cupertino. However, if they haven’t incorporated two-way stateful syncronization of iCal data, then I’m gonna call Steve a “bodaggit” and elbow him in the stomach. Oh, and thanks for jacking up the Educational price (by roughly 75%), you egomaniacal SOB.

“Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day.”