"[I] discovered that my own little postage stamp of native soil was worth writing about and that I would never live long enough to exhaust it." – William Faulkner

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Memo

After work tonight, go home, pull out your Book of Common Prayer, Book of Church Order, or google “wedding vows”. Spend some time meditating on what exactly “forsaking all others” means.

Then, hold a conference for all your other Republican friends and discuss what you have learned. Get the media together and announce that you have realized that espousing “family values” while having rampant affairs is maybe not the best idea, and inform the American public that you will take your vows seriously. Then, go back to your offices and get some actual work done. Maybe this November will go better for you.

I’m thinking you should re-post a Democratic version of this. You could take the “You guys are suposed to support & respect women, but sending lewd pictures of yourself to them and rendering them invisible to save your political career doesn’t really fit that description” angle.