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Suzy’s Cuts

It’s nearly 9pm on a Monday evening, and you’re standing outside a hairdressing salon in Gangnam in Seoul, South Korea. You’re a nineteen year old Korean female and you’re here for the start of your first ever work shift, for your first job. You only just arrived, a sign on the door says “back in five minutes!” The doors are locked and it’s very cold outside, but a sense of nervous anticipation keeps you warm. It’s exciting thinking about earning your own money, about future independence and moving out of home, but there’s something else which is making you even more excited. You start thinking about what brought you here.

When you were in high school, you became heavily interested in k-pop. The main big acts that caught your attention were Girls’ Generation, 2NE1, T-ara, After School, IU, but also plenty of others. You didn’t mind the male groups, but mainly just to look at – apart from maybe BigBang and SHINee, their music didn’t appeal as much, and their concepts were generally more repetitive. The female groups on the other hand really went the extra mile to always bring out something new and different to the table for each comeback that really captured your imagination. When watching the videos and live appearances, it was impossible to not get drawn into the world of k-pop.

As time went on and your interest in k-pop flourished, you inevitably became fixated on k-pop media as a way to track the activities of your favourite groups. You eagerly awaited news of your favourite idols’ next music videos as well as performances on TV. However over time, media articles frustrated you – not because of the groups themselves, but because of the decisions that were made behind the scenes about how to deal with mishap and changing circumstances. You think about the main groups that you like and the situations that puzzle you to this day:

Girls’ Generation – why did they have to get rid of Jessica? Wasn’t there another way? Doesn’t the sisterly bond between Jessica in Girls’ Generation and Krystal in f(x) mean anything? Because they’re on the same label shouldn’t that be enough to help sort out any differences?

2NE1 – they hardly ever come back, so low on activities! Also, why does Bom have to have surgery all the time, can’t she just leave her face alone?

T-ara – you can’t even think about them without your head hurting. Why do they stick around with that crappy label MBK, aren’t they big enough to cut them loose now? Korea still hates then and it’s because they are managed terribly.

After School – so much wasted talent in the group, what’s E-Young even doing in a group like that? And are they going to have another song before you turn 30?

IU – you’re sure she’s not a pedophile or anything like that but why does she still perform “Zeze” when it’s obviously so upsetting to so many? Shouldn’t she at least rerelease the album and leave that song off? Also why didn’t she ever directly address what that photo with Eunhyuk was about?

These are only the most obvious examples that bother you, there’s plenty of others with other groups, you could list them forever! Someone could name any k-pop group out there and you could break down a bunch of completely obvious things that they’re not doing the right way – and not things you’d have to be an expert to realise either, just basic common-sense stuff. It seems that every artist, or their company, or whoever is in charge of these things, seems to just be unable to make the right decisions. It not like there isn’t a huge Internet community offering plenty of sound advice, and the solutions to problems that k-pop idols face seem so obvious, so why aren’t any of them listening? The frustration about it escalated to such fever-pitch inside your head that you decided that you were definitely going to do something. After all, nobody else is doing anything! But what?

The answer came one day when talking with Julie, while doing the routine morning cleaning. Julie is one of your school friends and a tragic k-pop fan far more extreme than yourself, she’s gone to airports to meet idols before, is always going to fan meets to get photobooks signed, chases them in cars etc – you like k-pop idols but you don’t do any of that stuff. Being around her makes you feel rather tame, you’re much more mentally balanced than she is.

“Look, I’ve finally worked out a way to meet Suzy from miss A all the time!” she said to you, excitedly showing you the screen on her phone. Julie is a big fan of Suzy and beams with excitement.

You skim-read the article, it’s about Suzy’s parents and a hairdressing salon that they run, called “Suzy’s Cuts”. There’s a small embedded video where Suzy’s father is interviewed, he talks about all the celebrities that use the salon, and also about the decor – the salon has been decorated with pictures of Suzy’s life in the spotlight including photographs from onstage as well as some of her many celebrity endorsements.

“You’re going to get your hair cut, and hope that you run into Suzy? I don’t like your odds!” you say.

“No! I’m going to become a hairdresser!” she replies.

“You know – Suzy doesn’t actually work there, it’s just got her name on it for marketing, she’s not going to be hanging around giving people a trim.”

“Yes, I KNOW THAT, SILLY, but she still might BE there!” she snaps back at you. You’re always trying to remind her to be more rational about things, and this is usually how she reacts whenever you advise her of some reality that she doesn’t want to hear.

You shake your head. “I’m sure Suzy doesn’t go and get her hair cut there all the time. Idols have stylists who do that stuff, don’t they?”

“Yeah, but she’d VISIT her folks occasionally, surely! Everyone visits their parents sometimes! Look at the article – plenty of idols visit, she’s bound to be one of them, after all her parents own it!”

You forgot about the conversation shortly after it happened, but then a few days later you visited a thread online, from someone claiming to be a “hairdresser to the stars” and it got you thinking. The anonymous person dishes the dirt on various people in k-pop, talking about their personalities and habits, she seems to know them intimately. It occurred to you that if you had a hairdresser’s job in a place where idols go, occasionally you might get lucky and have to cut or style their hair. Cutting and styling hair takes time, and what do hairdressers do during that time while cutting and styling your hair? They talk – a lot. While cutting an idol’s hair, you would have them as a captive audience! You might finally be able to talk to them about some of those crazy decisions, and perhaps talk some sense into them! Finally a chance to do something to make a difference in the crazy illogical world of k-pop. You made a pact with Julie to become hairdressers, work at Suzy’s Cuts and realise your dreams together.

Three months later, you lost touch with Julie – she transferred to a high school in Busan due to her father getting transferred as part of his job (you have no idea what he does – she never said, preferring to change the subject to k-pop idols whenever you asked). Away from the high concentration of idols in Seoul and most importantly away from Suzy, Julie was tearfully upset about the move, but she was still a minor and her parents gave her no choice in the matter. The last time you saw her, she swore that she would find a way to eventually return to Seoul and also keep in touch with you, but you never heard from her again, she didn’t even keep in touch on SNS. However the seed of the idea that she planted stayed in your mind, and you enrolled in the required hairdressing courses as soon as possible, determined to become the best hairdresser in Seoul, worthy of styling the hair of idols. Your high determination and effort (motivated by the ever-increasing avalanche of k-pop stupidity) was noticed by your teachers and you acquired the needed skills quickly, passing through the learning program in record time and within the top 5% of graduates. In the high-turnover world of hairdressing, it wasn’t long before Suzy’s Cuts placed an advertisement outside their business looking for a hairdresser willing to work casual hours on nights and weekends. You responded to the advert with a phone call telling them about yourself and expecting them to want to see a resume and schedule an interview, but instead they said that you could start on Monday!

“Aren’t you going to interview me?” you asked the woman on the phone, an older lady called Vicki.

“No. Let’s just throw you in the deep end and see how you go. It’s only casual hours, we’re not hiring you full-time – so, if there’s a problem or your performance is not up to standard, we just won’t ask you back.” Vicki is pleasant but very matter-of-fact.

The sound of rattling chains and a key turning in a lock distracts you from your reminiscing.

“Sorry about that, just had to go to the toilet! I’m Vicki, you must be the new girl!” says a voice from inside.

You take a deep breath. This is it.

—–

Two weeks pass. You’ve learned the following about casual hairdressing at Suzy’s Cuts:

Even though Suzy’s father does the interviews that you’ve seen on TV and online and seems like a nice person, he’s never in the salon, ever. Vicki, a short lady who looks about 40 years old, does all the day-to-day business and is the only “boss” that you encounter.

The decor does look exactly like the photos online however – with lots of pictures of Suzy, many of them autographed. Your old school friend Julie would have loved it here!

For a newly-opened salon run by people presumably with a lot of cash, the equipment sure is strangely old and crusty.

Hairdressing hurts your back, fortunately…

…it’s never busy enough for your back to really start killing you, because it’s so quiet…

…and because of this, you’re often the only staff member on duty, however this lack of traffic also means that…

…you haven’t met any k-pop idols yet.

You start to wonder if you’re wasting your time. Will you ever get to talk to a k-pop idol? You decide to bring up the subject with Vicki on a lunch break.

“Say, do many pop idols visit this place?” you ask Vicki, attempting to sound as casual and “just making conversation, I don’t care really” as possible.

“Sure! All the time, however they tend to come in the very early morning before they go to schedules. You’re not at work at that time.”

Vicki then answers the unanswered question in your head, suggesting that perhaps your attempt to hide how bummed out you were about not meeting idols was more transparent than you had hoped: “You’ll probably meet some eventually. Some of them are regular night owls! Also, there’s a few that come in for emergency work. You’ll know one when you see one.”

“How?” you ask.

“They all have a tab here so they won’t pay, they will just come and sit and expect you to start. This is okay, we charge the agencies monthly. They’re always very attractive too, even the “ugly ones”. They will make you jealous of their looks! You’ll probably want to style them badly to level the playing field, but don’t do that because you’ll be fired!”

Vicki laughs, and you laugh along with her more out of reflex and politeness than for humour’s sake, but her previous comment has you intrigued. “Um… what do you mean by emergency work?”

“You’ll see. Don’t worry, nothing all that exciting. But remember one thing.”

“What?”

“Anything that happens at Suzy’s Cuts, stays at Suzy’s Cuts.”

Vicki winks at you and puts her fingers over her lips. You nod that you understand.

—–

CUT 1

A week later and it’s about 11pm, and you’re biding your time in the hair salon, playing computer games on your mobile phone. You just finished cleaning up after turning away a young girl who was completely drunk to the point where she could barely walk but who wanted to get her hair done. Who even does that? It’s the salon’s rules that you’re not allowed to comply with requests from extremely drunk people because their opinion on your work may change the next day when they sober up. After some protest the drunk girl eventually staggered out the door, knocking over a waste bin and a few carefully-stacked tins of hairspray on the way. It’s amazing how much of your job is crowd-control.

You hear the noise of a car pull up quickly in the customer parking space outside. The door opens and a very attractive lady wanders in and sits straight down on the salon chair, not even making eye contact with you.

“Can you fix this shit, please. I don’t like it.” she says, while staring only at her reflection in the salon mirror.

“What do you want me to do?” you ask.

“I don’t know. It just needs more volume, or more something. It’s fucking crap, so fucking limp, fuck. That fucking producer hates me, he deliberately got the stylist to make me look like shit. I’ve got a schedule in fifteen minutes, just do what you can.”

This is obviously a idol, but you don’t recognise her at all. You begin to ask what group she’s from, but the words stick in your throat. What if she’s insulted? Fortunately she offers enough information for you to know.

“I have to have shit hair because Geonhee is banging that producer. It’s fucking bullshit, this shit” she mutters while she adjusts herself in the seat. You still can’t pick her face, but Geonhee is a name you know from Purfles, so she must be one of the other girls in Purfles. You think to yourself about how nugu Purfles are – nobody knows them, and they have to put up with this corruption? Why do girls even bother debuting with nugu agencies anyway, it’s so obvious that without the power of a big label, they won’t get anywhere. You don’t understand it. She’s right about one thing though, her hair is terrible, so unhealthy! You start working on her hair, while you talk.

“Why are you with such a small agency? You should be with one of the big three”, you ask her, while struggling with the knots and twists in her hair.

“Don’t you think I tried? Fuck, I did stupid SM auditions a bunch of times. The others as well. Fuck all those assholes.”

“But a small agency will never get you anywhere!”

“So I should become a hairdresser like you then?” she replies sarcastically.

You shrug. “I don’t know, I just think you’re wasting your youth and looks, you’re so pretty and you could do so much better.”

The girl remains silent but you look at her reflection in the mirror and she gives you one of the most extreme bitch-stares you’ve ever seen. You decide that it might be a good idea to remain silent and do your best with her hair. Neither of you say another word while you work. After ten minutes she abruptly stands up, mid-comb.

“That’ll have to do – schedule now. Put it on Purfles’ tab.” The girl walks briskly out the door, muttering something under her breath.

You sigh deeply – damn, that was awkward. You seemed to really hit a nerve with her, but you also feel good that you helped her with her hair and also perhaps helped her with her career. Well, hopefully you helped, but it’s hard to be sure how much positive effect you had on either.

—–

The next day, you’re making breakfast, when your phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number.

“Hi Vicki!” you answer.

“Hi there. Hey, I see you had an idol customer last night.”

“Some girl from Purfles”, you reply.

“She just wanted to say sorry if she was a bit rude to you, and that you did a great job on her hair.”

You smile. “Thanks! She seemed a bit, umm… extreme.”

“Hey, we’ve got IU coming in later today and normally I do her hair but I’ve got a friend’s birthday party and I’d really like to go, do you think you can look after her?”

Gosh, what an honour! “Sure, I’d love to!”

“Great! I’ve been really happy with your work so far. I’m sure you’ll do well! See you at work!”

—–

CUT 2

A few hours later, you arrive at work. It’s a weekend day shift and there’s a lot more people waiting, and there’s quite a few of the other staff on. The entire salon is noisy with chatter. IU is already here, sitting in the chair and looking at her phone. She’s doubled-over a bit, like she has stomach cramps.

“Fuck, I’m sorry… I haven’t eaten, so fucking hungry. So you’re the new girl?”, IU says as she sits back up in her chair.

“Yes! How would you like your hair done?”

She thrusts her phone in your face, on the screen is one of her recent promotional pictures. “Do it like that” she orders.

IU turns her back to you so you can get to work, and you get started. IU’s hair isn’t as thick and is much easier to style than that girl from Purfles. It’s in really bad condition though, not that you could tell from magazines and TV, but up close it’s obvious that she hasn’t been taking care of it.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make this look really good. Is this for a concert?” you ask.

You start panicking. “Yes, okay! Sorry about that, I was just concerned…”

IU puts her finger up to her lips to indicate silence. You stop talking immediately. For an awkward ten seconds she continues to stare directly at you without blinking, then she swivels back around in her chair so you can continue work. “Carry on.” she says.

“Okay, thank you, sorry, I’m…”

“WITH THE STYLING, NOT THE CHATTER” IU adds. She’s clearly mad at you. A couple of the other hairdresser girls hear this above the noise of the salon and turn around and look at you, disapprovingly.

You continue to style IU’s hair, without another word. Your hands are shaky and sweating, but you get through it okay and get as close to the image she showed you as you can. When you’re finished, you back away from her without saying anything. IU gets up and walks off, also without saying a word or even acknowledging you. Once she is gone, you exhale deeply, and let the tension flow out of your body. Styling hair comes naturally to you now, but you never thought advising idols would be this stressful! But if you don’t say these things, who will?

—–

The next day, you’re making breakfast, when your phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number.

“Hi Vicki!” you answer.

“How did you go with IU?”

“I’m not sure, I think she hates me!”

Vicki laughs. “She just called in a little while ago, she told me that you did a fantastic job on her hair, and she really appreciated the conversation!”

You’re shocked. “Really?”

“Wow, you’re a gem to have around, you seem to have a knack for dealing with these idols! God knows, I could never manage it. I won’t be around for a while, but Hyomin from T-ara is coming by tomorrow at about 8pm, why don’t you take the night off tonight and come in then?”

You can’t believe it. “Erm… okay, I’ll be there!”

“I’m sure you’ll do well! See you at work!”

—–

CUT 3

You arrive for work with plenty of time to kill. Hyomin arrives two minutes before the hour, smokes a quick half a cigarette outside and walks in at exactly 8pm. You direct her to a seat.

“How would you like your hair done?” you ask.

“I tell you what, why don’t you help me choose? Show me some styles that you think would look good, and we’ll pick one.” Hyomin smiles at you.

You grab the salon’s style portfolio, a large plastic folder full of different models’ heads cropped from magazines, a collection of hundreds of hair styles.

“Feel free to suggest something unusual, I don’t care. It really doesn’t matter that much what we pick, most people aren’t going to be looking at my face.” says Hyomin as she flicks through the collection.

“Doesn’t that bother you, people looking at your body like that?”

“No.”, shoots back Hyomin instantly, like she’s been asked this every day for the last year.

“But don’t you feel exploited and disempowered?”

“Honey, I could buy this place, and you. That’s a pretty powerful feeling.” Hyomin’s answers are calm but rapid-fire, she’s been down this conversational road before and is clearly comfortable with it.

“But isn’t it setting a bad example for women?”

“My body is healthy, I’m setting a good example for women.”

“I mean bad behaviour – in terms of stripping to get what they want.”

“If they strip and get what they want then that’s good behaviour, because it worked.”

“But what if they don’t get what they want?”

“Well, they could always become hairdressers instead. Here, I like this style, what do you think?” Hyomin points at a picture of a model in the portfolio with a just-gotten-out-of-the-shower style look.

“Okay, I can do that for you easily!” you say as you start working. Hyomin puts the portfolio down and starts playing with her phone, she still seems pretty pleasant, so you continue talking. “Hey, I heard that T-ara just signed back up with MBK for another two years.”

Hyomin smiles. “Yes, we have! Isn’t it great?”

“But MBK are terrible! They got you into that bullying scandal!”

“WE got ourselves into that scandal by Tweeting. MBK got us out. When everyone abandoned us, when fans didn’t want to know us, who was there for us, who stood by us through thick and thin? MBK. They could have easily dumped us off the roster to maintain their public image, but they were with us for the hard times as well as the good, standing by us with every step. Now we’re making more money than ever. We owe them a debt of loyalty. Hey, check this out…”

Hyomin shows you the screen of her phone. It’s a clip of IU signing live. “Look, this is a livestream, this is happening right now. It’s ‘Zeze’, isn’t it such a great song?”

“But people will think she’s a pedophile!”

Hyomin shrugs and laughs it off. “It’s the Internet, people think everyone’s a pedophile.”

—–

The next day, you’re making breakfast, when your phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number.

“Hi Vicki!” you answer.

“How did you go with Hyomin?”

“Quite well! She’s very chatty and I think she liked my…”

Vicki laughs, cutting you off. “She just called in a little while ago, she told me that you did a fantastic job on her hair, and she really appreciated the conversation!”

“That’s nice…” you reply.

“Wow, you’re a gem to have around, you seem to have a knack for dealing with these idols! God knows, I could never manage it. I won’t be around for a while, but Ellin from Crayon Pop is coming by tomorrow at about 8pm, why don’t you take the night off tonight and come in then?”

Hang on… didn’t Vicki tell you exactly this yesterday?

Vicki continues after a short pause. “I’m sure you’ll do well! See you at work!”

“Wait, Vicki…” it’s too late, the call is terminated. You weren’t supposed to be working tomorrow! You ring the number back, the phone rings and after a while goes to a recorded message.

“Hi, this is Vicki from Suzy’s Cuts – the salon run by Suzy Bae’s parents! Please leave a message after the beep.” One second later. “Sorry, this message bank is full. Please call at another time.”

—–

CUT 4

Reluctantly, you turn up at work tomorrow. You figure that you’ll just do Ellin’s hair and then split. You wait around for half an hour but Ellin doesn’t show.

You ask one of the other staff, one of many young girls working there, all about your age: “Have you seen Ellin?”

“Who’s Ellin?”, she responds.

“Ellin from Crayon Pop.”

Her eyes widen. “Crayon Pop? Someone from Crayon Pop is due here now? RIGHT now?”

“Half an hour ago.”

“Hey everyone, one of the Crayon Pop girls is coming in!” the girl yells to the others.

“Crayon Pop, really?” one of the others responds, looking at you.

“Yeah.” you say, matter-of-factly.

“No she isn’t! She’s at the beach!” another girl replies, showing a photo on her phone to everyone in the room. “She just posted this on SNS.”

“Thank fuck that she can’t keep appointments – just dodged a bullet, girls.” says the first girl.

“What did you do wrong?” another girl asks you.

“What?” you reply.

“Crayon Pop don’t just visit here for no reason. What have you done?”

You’re confused. “What do you mean? I haven’t done anything? She was just coming in for a haircut!”

The other girls all look you up and down, it’s clear that they fear you and don’t trust you. With your client a no-show, and the other staff making you feel very uncomfortable, you quickly leave the salon and go back home.

—–

The next day, you’re making breakfast, when your phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number.

“Hi Vicki!” you answer.

“How did you go with Ellin?”

“She didn’t show up.”

Vicki laughs. “She just called in a little while ago, she told me that you did a fantastic job on her hair, and she really appreciated the conversation!”

You’re speechless. What? “What are you talking ab….”

Vicki speaks, cutting you off. “Wow, you’re a gem to have around, you seem to have a knack for dealing with these idols! God knows, I could never manage it. I won’t be around for a while, but Krystal from f(x) is coming by tomorrow at about 8pm, why don’t you take the night off tonight and come in then?”

What’s going on? Is she even listening? “Purple monkey dishwasher!” you scream into the phone.

Vicki continues. “I’m sure you’ll do well! See you at work!”

Like hell you’re going to work. Something is up, something bad. But what?

—–

CUT 5

You stay home. At 8:01pm, the phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number, so you pick it up.

“Hello.” a voice on the line says. It’s not Vicki. You know the voice, but you can’t quite place it due to the way people sound different on the telephone.

“Hello, who is this?”

“You know who it is.”

Your brain scrambles quickly to match the voice. After a few seconds, you figure it out.

“Hello, IU.”

“Very good. Just checking in on you, because I noticed you weren’t at work today. Is everything okay?” IU sounds deadpan, there isn’t an inch of concern in her voice.

You try to figure out how to respond. How does IU know about your work, and why does she have Vicki’s phone? “Um… I wasn’t feeling that great. How did you get Vicki’s number?”

IU doesn’t respond, but continues. “I’ve got a couple friends who would like to have a word with you. I’ll just pass the phone over to them. Give me a moment.”

A brief silence, and then another voice. “Hello. Do you know who I am?”

It’s that girl from Purfles. What was her name again?

“I saw you the other day in the salon, you cut my hair. Did you know that Purfles debuted on 26th of October 2014 with the song “1,2,3“? Did you know that? I’m Eunyong from Purfles, that’s my name. And your name, what’s your name? Do you even know what your name is?”

She doesn’t give you time to respond, but then passes the phone to someone else.

“How does it feel to be disempowered?” says another voice, who you instantly recognise as Hyomin. She passes the phone straight away back to IU.

You’re panicking. “What do you want?” you ask.

“I suggest that you come into work tomorrow. There’s a problem at work. When you get the call from Vicki, please be co-operative” says IU, before terminating the call.

—–

The next day, you’re making breakfast, when your phone rings. It’s Vicki’s number.

“Hi Vicki” you answer.

“How did you go with Krystal?”

You play along, just in case. “I didn’t go with Krystal.”

Vicki laughs. “She just called in a little while ago, she told me that you did a fantastic job on her hair, and she really appreciated the conversation!”

You wait. Obviously, this is a recording.

After the same pause that you experienced in the last few calls, Vicki’s voice continues. “Wow, you’re a gem to have around, you seem to have a knack for dealing with these idols! God knows, I could never manage it. I won’t be around for a while, but Suzy from miss A is coming by tomorrow at about 8pm, why don’t you take the night off tonight and come in then?”

You wait.

Vicki continues. “I’m sure you’ll do well! See you at work!”

You put the phone down. Hearing the name Suzy from miss A makes you have conflicted feelings but you’re not sure why.

—–

CUT 6

You arrive at the salon at 8pm. It’s closed, which is weird because it’s normally open, but the lights are on and there’s people in there. There’s some funny signs on the footpath with numbers.

You look through the window of the salon. Your work colleagues are inside, and it’s really messy in there, with red stains on the walls and furniture tipped over. The staff all make eye contact you and start panicking, running into the back room. There’s also a male police officer there, and IU is there. When the girls panic, IU and the officer, who were previously talking to each other, turn to look at you. The police officer draws his pistol and points it at you. IU ducks behind the salon counter. You then hear your phone ringing. You pick it up from your purse and answer it with one hand.

“Hello?” you ask.

“Julie, why don’t you put the gun down?” says IU.

“What gun?” you ask.

“The one in your other hand, Julie.” IU replies.

You have no idea what she’s talking about – and who is Julie? Something hits you in the head out of nowhere, and you fall unconscious.

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About This Blog:

A blog created by me so I can write about k-pop related stuff. Some content is related to the k-pop radio show that I host, but most of it is just random shit that I felt like writing. All of it is primarily for my own personal amusement, although if you like it too, that’s fantastic and I love you. Warning: certain posts might occasionally be considered offensive, so if you are an easily offended fucking cunt maybe go read something else instead, thanks. – KPOPALYPSE