Seemingly Out of Ctrl.

Navigation

Tag Archives: Accidental Portrayed Masturbation

Post navigation

We arrive back at this tale of woes with me winning the battle against my blood pressure and on my way (Finally) to get the MRI of my hip. To recap Here

So they transfer me to a gurney and send me to the basement of the hospital to….

Wait. Again.

In the mean time, they give me this marker to put on the area of my hip that I am there for. Well, I had never really realized it was there unless I was standing up. So, I have to go through the two gowns I have on and the sheet to try and locate the lump and stick the marker. As I am doing this I realize that trying to locate it under the sheet, in a gurney, in the waiting area of the MRI Imaging department, people are starting to stare.

I look like I am masturbating.

Straight up, no joke,I can see it on their faces. They think I am insane and am so turned on by the scent of bleach and sickness that I decided to dial the pink telephone right then and there.

*Sigh*

I don’t even know if I got it in the right spot, I stuck it then it occurred to me to try and explain to the few people what I was doing, but then decided better of it because I couldn’t even navigate that conversation in my head.

How embarrassing.

Finally after a while it was time. I did the MRI and fell asleep as I usually do. They wake me up and I try and get off the table.

Feeling a bit light headed. She said that is normal and bluntly tells me to put my clothes on. Maybe she had received a complaint about a brunette practicing self lovin’ in her waiting room. Who knows.

I get dressed and get directed out. I am trying to navigate the halls but I am so dizzy and nauseous. I almost pass out.

I think, I probably need to eat. The cafeteria place was on my way to the parking garage so I stop in. It is packed. Since my phone is dead, I ask the woman in front of me what time it is.

1:45pm. WTF???

SHIT, I have to be home by 2:15 to greet my son from the bus. It is pouring and the door is locked I have to GO NOW.

I grab some cheezits, a fiber one bar, and a pepsi and run woozily out of there.

I arrive at my car and I have to sit down. I think if there is anyone I can call to drive me because I still feel like I am going to faint. I am hurriedly cramming cheezits into my mouth and I realize there is a note on my car.

You HAVE GOT TO BE F’ING Kidding me. I get out of my car, almost fall out, to see what crazy parking I have done. I was about 6 inches over the front line. In the middle of a huge parking garage on the 4th floor. That’s it. Nothing more.

But this passive aggressive asshole decided that was unacceptable and went back to their car, and tore a sheet of paper from the saddest diary ever and left me what you see above.

I curled it up screamed “AAAUGHGHGHHHHHH REALLY?!?!?!? REALLLLLLLLLY???”

I did kind of hope that the asshole who wrote that note was in the MRI waiting room and was traumatized by some crazy lady masturbating in the waiting room. A girl can only hope.

Day from HELL.

*Side Bar – I spoke with a nurse friend and she said that more than likely when they injected me with lidocaine, they hit a vein. It is not intended to be injected into a vein and when it happens, it is like an epinephrine shot. Your BP goes up and your heart rate increases. She said as a nurse she had seen women pass out, puke, etc. and they really should have been monitoring my BP and heart rate the entire time.

I am still limping but not feeling faint anymore, took 48 hours to feel normal again. I can laugh about it all, but if this is any indication of things to come pray for me.