Pages

Friday, May 20, 2011

Some thoughts on 'drama', and social networking not working...for me

I'm not an overly dramatic person, and I tend to avoid the spotlight in favor of maintaining my lone wolf status, but I will admit that my recent Crackbook post was a bit over the top. I got waayyyyy more involved in the online community than I ever intended, and my real life personal relations suffered for it. Truth is, as it has so blithely been pointed out time and again, the illusion of having so many friends can be deceiving, and can fool one into thinking people are there for you, when they simply are not. I send thanks to those who attempted to reach out to me when they feared the worst. I also temper those thanks with the question, "where are you today? Where were you before then? Where will you be in the future?" Great, so I didn't die that night, but what about the next? And the next after that? How many of you actually know what I go through in a day, a week, a month? How many of you actually care? And is that caring about me, or about an extension of yourself?

For those of you who pay attention, I addressed many of the questions and attitudes I have about suicide in a previous post, and any of you who actually READ this blog don't really have an excuse to have thought I would actually kill myself. To be sure, if I were going to check out of here, I would make sure my son was safely ensconced with his father, first, and not be lying in a pool of blood on the living room floor for him to find when he gets off the school bus. So, thanks for the vote of confidence, I really appreciate it.

CALLING THE POLICE, OR ANY MEMBER OF MY FORMER FAMILY IS INEXCUSABLE AND UNACCEPTABLE!!! I know you thought you were doing the right thing, but I want to make clear for any future concerns that this is not the approved course of action. The approved course of action is to calmly let me know either by phone or by email that you care deeply for me, and are willing to help in any way possible. Coming to my house and knocking on my door is also acceptable. I don't care how far away you live - I once drove 15 hours straight across the country for a friend whose parent had died. (To my friend who called the cops - that's 12 1/2 hours farther away than you were, Monday night, and they were merely grieving a passing that was expected.) I would do so again, without a second thought for most of you. Ask yourselves if you're willing to do that before you jump all over any of my posts again - not that I'll give you the chance, I learned my lesson the hard way...

So, enough with the social network, and back to the blog. Read it or don't. If you feel moved to comment, which some of you sometimes are, PLEASE comment on the blog, not on the link to the blog. I'm not interested in 90% of the crap that gets posted on the 'book'...well, maybe more like 50%, I'm not sure. I really dig the science tidbits from my science teacher friend, and the music links from my DJ/musician friend, and some of the interesting news articles I wouldn't otherwise have noticed from my newshound friends. Some of you are downright amusing, some of you are flat out annoying (but you get deleted, so you won't be seeing this!), some of you I just love so damn much I don't care what you post! My email and my phone number are listed on my info page - please make note of them if you want to continue communicating with me out in the world of forms, okay? Okay.

Enough about that , and we get up and move on. Shit still sucks. I'm still embroiled in what looks to a be an ugly, ongoing legal battle with my 'mother' without representation, I still have to move post-haste (ANY AND ALL OF YOU ARE INVITED BEGGED TO COME HELP. PLEASE.) to I-don't-know-where yet, and my car is still smashed up beyond my ability to fix it. If you have any solutions, feel free to contact me by the traditional methods, or leave a comment here. Thanks again.

I'm so glad to hear from you. Not that I thought you were dead but you, and your blog, are a force I need in my life. Ok, maybe want but where that line is drawn, I don't know. I do know your insight, honestly, humor, and bravery is a good kick in the ass for me. I read these as though your 20 something self is narrating and I love love love that with wisdom and life's junk you got the good parts of aging but never lost your...well...what is it? I don't know what "it" is but you have "it" and thankfully "it" was given to someone with incredible writing ability. And your special something has sucked me in for years. Thanks for letting me tag along, even now.

Miriam I care so deeply for you as a friend.. the years we were out of touch I always thought about you and Michael..

I reached out and continue to be there for you my friend. I am just a call away. If I was anywhere in NY I would have drove to your house... Being in Arizona and struggling made me stay put this time... I did call the same day the day after and spoke with you the day after that... And I might call this week a few times... I want to be a good friend again to you!

"And so it is that we, as (people), do not exist until we do; and then it is that we play with our world of existent things, and order and disorder them, and so it shall be that Non-existence shall take us back from Existence, and that nameless Spirituality shall return to Void, like a tired child home from a very wild circus."