There’s no one but me here in St Brigid’s church, 6:45 am on Sunday morning. I still haven’t gotten to sleep. Steve’s lackeys have been hounding me all weekend. Telling people I’m not really Bono, while threatening to sue me Bono at the same time. Even the Googlers are wary of me, now that their own blog search turns up posts saying I’m an impostor.

It all comes down to faith and belief. Steve, when you’re done being furious at me for taking over your blog, remember that. Your buddy Woz built computers, but you built belief. And then, years later, from the ashes of a crashed and burned Apple you built another set of beautiful things to believe in. U2 did the same, sifting through the rubble of our Pop tour — overblown, overpriced, under-attended — and coming up with All That You Can’t Leave Behind. How? We went back to believing in ourselves.

That’s what’s happening to the Valley. They’ve started believing in themselves again. They’ve built a phone you can blog on — I’m doing it right now. And i ,,, wait ,. the phone is r.,.. th. fuck I cn’t blog while the phone is ringing.

I

$%^&*

brb

Ok. That was Marissa. Marissa Mayer, from Google. She’s going to fly me to Uganda to catch the Pope, whom I forgot I was supposed to meet this weekend. She’s just in time to save my ass from getting broken by Bill Gates. He’s got billions riding on the Africa project. He’s got the biggest brain in the world and the biggest pile of money to back it up. He’s got the Pope to bless him, and President Bush to kick down doors. But he still needs a rock star to win over the stooges who don’t get it. That’s where I come in.

Lord, forgive me, what am I doing in church when the world needs your will to be done? Is Beck gonna do it? Didn’t think so. Gotta jump.

I need to update my preso for the Pope. This frigtarded iPhone won’t let me cut and paste my contacts at Elevation into an email to Edge, so I need to find an old-fashioned pen in Silicon Valley at 7am on a Sunday. Now I know why I’m in St Brigid’s: I need a miracle.