one-on-one mentality, because
otherwise, she’ll disengage. And if
she’s disengaged, maybe only 80
percent of her is on, and by midday, it’s 60 percent, and at the end
of the day, it’s 10 percent. Look
at what the company has lost: the
mind share, the productivity, the
revenue. The boss lost it because he
didn’t do the right things to ensure
that she was considered a part of
your team.

ELIZA BYARD: That’s really sometimes that first step in managing
up. The first step has to be assuming the best intentions and
structure it that way. And clarify
the situation. And then come back
if the pattern continues.

ALMA MORALES RIOJAS: But
also, you’ve got to weigh it out. My
favorite boss was at the Pentagon
and there were four women who
worked for him. And he would
call us “girls.” And yet, this person
was older, and he was very proud
of it. But he was in a real different
generation. On the other hand, I
have never had another boss who
gave me so much responsibility
and authority and trust. So as far
as I was concerned, he could call

me a girl any time he wanted ... I’m
not saying it’s OK. It’s just that you
really have to look at how that all
weighs in.

STEPHEN YOUNG: But what we
have addressed so far are the issues
of the opposite. We’ve talked about
the micro-inequities ... there could
be a number of micro-advantages
that we could expect to see in the
next meeting that would not only
make things balance but offset it so
that she feels self-confident.

COLE BROWN: He’s gone through
training. There’s common ground
for her to have a conversation, especially if she adjusts her behavior
and understands his expectations.
But still, if there appears to be issues, she can refer back to the fact
that he wants to be someone that
is viewed positively.

DR. dt ogilvie: Call his attention
to some of the things he learned in
this training by giving him a couple
of articles to read. Maybe he’ll
remember some of the vignettes
with a similar situation.

LINDA AKUTAGAWA: But that’s
an intellectual exercise. I agree

about not confronting but having a conversation and bringing it
and putting it on the table. At this
point, if he’s the CEO and she’s
a direct report to him, then she
should be able to have that conversation and to say, “OK, remember
how you went through that training?” and reminding him about it.
But now, saying, “OK, you know,
I want to give you some recent
examples of some things that have
been happening,” and then have
him think about it, and say, “You
know who did this? This is what I
observed you do.”

COLE BROWN: So your position
would be viewed as “I want to help
you” less than “I have an issue” or
“I have a chip on my shoulder.”

STEPHEN YOUNG: This is not
for touchy-feely and warm-fuzzy,
nice-to-do reasons. It’s because I’m
going to perform better for you.
I’m going to be more inspired. I’m
going to be more committed. So
for all these selfish reasons, you are
now inspired and motivated to do
this for me, because of what I’m
going to give back to you.