God dammit, NFL defenders. What the fuck is wrong with you? Did I not just offer you 30 whole dollars to take out Tom Brady’s knees? Someone even set up a Facebook group to push this cause on the grass roots level. And what do you do? You go out and injure all the SHITTY QB’s. Look at this list of QB’s who have missed time:

What’s the point of injuring David Carr? That’s like robbing the Take-a-penny tray at the Mobilmart. Look at him. He was fucking begging for you to injure him. Oooh, are you planning to take out John Fourcade next? Diabolical!

Fuckheads.

Stop wasting your time with these slapdicks and go after the big prize, you bastards. I’m talking the Bradys, and Favres, and Mannings of the world: the guys who like to rest a sandwich on Kornheiser’s head while he works their shafts. THOSE are the fuckers I would enjoy seeing writhing on the ground in agony. Instead, I get some piddly-shit VY quad injury. Fuck that. Stop wasting your time with these jayvee bitches. Use your head. There’s a helmet on top of it that is very hard and can break a fibula just *snap* like that.

Join The Discussion

We’re looking at you Rodney Harrison, Sean Taylor, Adrian Wilson, and Roy Williams. You safeties should be blitzing from the blindside on every play no matter what your “coaches” might say.

10.16.07 at 11:08 am

Christmas Ape

Joey Porter can redeem this entire lost season with one half-shirted dive at Brady’s knees on Sunday.

10.16.07 at 11:12 am

5150

Bob Sanders is bound to break someones leg, if not his own.

10.16.07 at 11:15 am

BigRicks

The romo tag might’ve made me laugh the hardest.

I looked forward to the Patriots being on offense because of some outward hope that he might get hurt. Stupid fucking offensive line. How much would it take to buy one of them off? That’s the key right there.

10.16.07 at 11:24 am

whowillsexmutombo?

Never mind knee injuries. I want to see some scalps. I don’t think the rulebook specifically outlaws scalping, does it?

If Rodney Harrison is going to jack Brady up it would have to be during one hardcore scrimmage.

Maj is so high he went back in time five years. If you’ve got the Vick Elder Bud, you best be sharin’ that shit!

10.16.07 at 11:47 am

Matt

I would pay $75.13 for someone to break Peyton Manning’s leg. $99.04 for a broken neck.

10.16.07 at 11:50 am

twoeightnine

Rodney Harrison is so dirty that he just might break Brady’s leg, in a game.

10.16.07 at 11:55 am

JAMMQ

Best bet for a defender to cash in on the Brady Bounty isn’t until December when the Patriots play at Baltimore, and then play the Steelers.

Ray Lewis may be our only hope.

10.16.07 at 12:03 pm

Michael

A John Fourcade reference?!? Love it!

10.16.07 at 12:19 pm

Franklin

Fuck yes. Brady needs to go down. Fuck all the other good QB’s just get Brady. If anyone does not want to see Brady have his Fibula and Tibia broken like a bat, then you are a faggot and are probably crying about the sawks right now and wanking off to a bill simmons article.

10.16.07 at 1:03 pm

Russell K

@jammq

Terrell Suggs. He was tring to kill every single NFC QB during the Pro Bowl. Suggs breaks Brady’s leg, the Pats lose every game after the Ravens one, make the playoffs and lose their first playoff game. Please, God?

10.16.07 at 1:09 pm

smurphette

I gotta disagree with you on Leinart. I take great pleasure in watching him get hurt, and will be happy to see it happen over and over again, as often as possible.

10.16.07 at 1:19 pm

Five Pound Bag

BDD –

I have assembled the team and await your deposit.

Gillooly

10.16.07 at 1:27 pm

Jackin'4Beats

Instead, I bet Joey Harrington’s the next QB to pull a vagine muscle and go down for the rest of the season.

PLEASE GOD’S LINEBACKER!!!! PLEASE SNAP BRADY IN TWO SO WE CAN ALL PARTY LIKE ITS 1999…and so TSG can jump off the nearest bridge in despair.

10.16.07 at 1:32 pm

bfreakin3

Even though God brought him back, Jon Kitna got taken out too.

Josh McCown also.

10.16.07 at 1:43 pm

brad

@ five pound bag

Great comment. I’m going to laugh for days.

10.16.07 at 1:49 pm

Jackin'4Beats

BDD –

Not to hype up Purple Jesus too much, but did you see/hear what Deion Sanders said about your boy?

David Carr isn’t allowed in the band because he listens to that glam rock shit

10.16.07 at 3:52 pm

Canek

Did anyone see Roy Williams go for brady’s knees at the beginning of last Sunday’s game. It was so close to a Palmeresque injury.

Also, this column is not the most politically incorrect post, but it is up there.

10.16.07 at 4:58 pm

Swolestice

@signal to noise

apparently, you’ve never seen Jeff Garcia play. Ghey.

10.16.07 at 5:04 pm

Swolestice

I hope that Kris Jenkins drops all 375 LBS on Rocket-Laser-Arm in two weeks and brings the “consecutive games with a start” mark to an end. I think this would also give Peyton the opportunity to endorse “Ben-Ghey”

10.16.07 at 10:54 pm

Walklett

Trent Green had the right idea, wrong knee though.

10.17.07 at 12:37 am

SlideShow Bob

+1 to Grimey

Ill take a Always Sunny refrence any chance i could get.

10.17.07 at 7:12 am

Ethan Stanislawski

Thanks to you guys linking my facebook group, I may be seriously in the hole this weekend. I can’t believe that as a Jets fan, I may have to send Jayson Taylor a check for $193. The cruel irony is I would have been spending my money betting on the Patriots.