*Single Moms Club*

I feel happy but lost at the same time!! Long but please readddd!!!

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haleydv wrote:

I think I'm hitting depression pretty bad after weeks of not checking his fb I did and he (ex) looks so happy.. Let me get back to the beginning. Last Jan 2016 my ex broke up with me after almost 6 months and loosing my v-card to him. I was 18. I at first hit bottom hard solitary I blamed my self to be so low and I told my mom and she was beyond pissed and disappointed in me.. But I quickly realized I could move on and I wasn't any less then a woman who was.. That same Next month feb i was scrolling through fb at night and someone messaged me and we started to chat and few days after I met at a park near his house and that when it all started.. He was staying here with a tourist visa but was working illegally, didn't have a car, his father died few months ago(that was in feb 2016), and quickly realized his mother was controlling (worse than mine) and would fake she was feeling sick when they argued with him or his other siblings.. I would lie to my parents knowing they were going to allow my pick him up so I would come up with excuses saying I was going to work.. I am a full time student and part time worker. We started to become sexual very quickly in relationship and he being 20 at the time and me being 18told me he wanted a baby and I kept telling him I'm not ready babies are cute but not ready .. But he rolled me into his sweet lies. We kept trying and many months passed and now in October.. Now I am 19&him 21. The thought of wanting a baby was still there but more of unprotected sex we started to have a lot of arguments and I started to spot, but I thought I had a miscarriage because how dark it was. My period is irregular regular. Meaning I have every other month my period. October I had my period.. I was worried and decided to buy a pregnancy test but I didn't pee enough and said error and I trashed the other thinking I know I cannot get pregnant. Well this Dec. 26/27 I took it since I had no period and said positive and went to take a blood test and waited Monday for results and he wanted to breakup so he can peacefully go back to Mexico Monday I called and said I was 100% and maybe 8-12 weeks pregnant .. He wanted to get back together and we went to get an ultrasound then went to hospital for a paranoia and discharge (turned out I had a Uti) then mom kept pressuring ME TO TELL MY MOM and this date was January 16,2017 when I was bleeding a lot and I called him and he was in the car with his mom and she pressured me to tell my mom so she knows if to stay or go.. And so I did and everything with my family went down hill.. they met him for the first time and came back home and my mom said she could see he didn't love me and even called me names.. Next day my mom told his mom the worst about me and the lady agreed with my mom.. My mom could see she was only using me.. She played me well more than him.. Imagine how I felt. We couldn't speak for two months that's what my parents made the deal and gave me two months to move out as well .. He taking his own path and choose and so did i. But I broke it I couldn't handle not speaking to him.. We talked but every time we called he kept bringing up his mother this and his mother that.. I was getting sick of it.. When I started speaking to him he didn't know what he wanted until I started telling him about making a family.. I started to resent him for not knowing. Then my parents pressure was horrible. I started to tell him about giving the baby the best life and maybe it was adoption and that I didn't love him and I didn't want to move together I changed my mind. I told my " Bestfriend" about abortion and she quickly went to go tell him. So he told his mom and the very next day he told my mom he's moved to Mexico Feb. 16!!! I never thought he would leave the baby behind. Maybe stay here and you share custody and both take responsibility... He wants to go Mexico redo his life and go to school, and maybe get a visa to come at least twice a month to visit baby, while I work my butt off working, putting in sweat, tears, stress, love, dedication, putting my career aside for this baby. I don't think it's fair and yes I do regret saying those things but his mind is made. I'm going to be a single mother. Putting pregnancy aside, I really do love this guy even tho he lets he's mom be his #1 influence and on top of everyone ( even tho it should be baby now) he uses the excuse of being illegal.. He's close friend is illegal has a car and goes to college and own apartment.. HERE. My ex he was a foreign exchange student they are not allowed to work but he felt wrong that his family send money from Dubai where a Country full of opportunities here so he for three months the days he didn't go to school, worked day at construction and afternoon until 1 am to save up for a paid off good car, and save up for college. Is simply he does not want to stay and struggle for his baby.. Today I found out the sex of my baby and very soon I'm turning 19 weeks. I'm so scared I HAVE NO OTHER FRIEND WHOS PREGNANT .. TWO OF MY COWORKERS WHO ANNOUNCED THEY WERE HAD A MISCARRIAGE AND IT SCARES ME.. But afraid to take on two roles I never intended to do first place :( please I would love to communicate idk any advice and support even if it's via messaging!! Anything !!!! He's so happy in Mexico.. My mom finally said I could stay home but with conditions and deleting social media was part of the deal, so a friend of mine let me see his profile.

I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I'm kind of at a loss for words, though. At this point, I would focus on you and your baby. The health of your baby is important and your health also. Is there some way you can get some counseling? It might help just to be able to talk to someone who is completely on your side. It might be worth looking into. I hope this helps. Blessings.

Here's the raw truth honey. You should give the baby up for adoption. You are immature. It's not about you. It's not about him. It's not about either one of your mommies!!! That child deserves to be raised by responsible adults ... Not 2 children still under the influence of their parents. YOU TRIED TO GET PREGNANT, SO CONGRATULATIONS!! Your child was not a booboo!! You made a poor choice knowing that you were not ready!! I don't feel sorry for you!! Reality is harsh, so that's why I'm giving it to you that way. Being a mother is NOT easy. You go to school? Cancel that... Work part time? Bump that up to 2 full time jobs. Subtract a supportive partner? Might as well add another part time job. Stable place to live? Negative! Do what's best for the baby and don't make another selfish choice based on your fairy tale crushes. When you choose to bring a baby into the world there is no more 'you'... Every move you make affects another human being that didn't ask for your drama. Think about what you have to offer this child. If it's less that what you had growing up then adoption is definitely the answer!

I am sorry you are going through this. I agree with another comment in here. You were immature and made very, very bad choices.

I suggest giving the baby up for adoption if you do not have the means to provide for it. If your parents decide to help support you, you'll need to work hard to make ends meet and give this kid a decent life.

You cant force that guy to be a part of your life or be a father. He is young too. If he comes around, it has to be his choice. Nagging backfires.

After I spoke to him I realized how many poor decisions I made to really stay with this guy.. I gave my 120% for this guy. We are both economic "Status" I would say different.. I am now that passes to a past tent- were a spoiled lady. I was given and more than I needed, of course I had responsibility but only my own things. My mother got pregnant younger than me and busted her butt off years so we grew up well raised. My old friend who was raised by her dad did not make a good living got pregnant and passed through same thing.. I seriously was blinded... As much as it hurts me, I cannot give my own child for adoption. I rather fight every obstacle I face even if now ( as I feel this moment) live in hell, I'm keeping my baby. Perhaps as it is too late to take all back and could have avoided so much pain and suffrage that is coming I would, but reality it's too late. At least I will take realizability, one-parent with the child. I do now take blame for my actions.

How much I really really really really REALLY could go back having knowledge of this and say "NOPE NEVER WITH YOU!!!!!!!!" My early childhood life is repeating itself in similar ways.. I cry so much.. I wish I could have listen to my mom. Out of all of this what really hurts the most is I'm bringing an innocent child welcomed by already a broken family and dad blurred out of the picture, and the pain I've caused my mother. The amount of disappoint is so excruciating as sometimes I hear in ways my mom is so hurtful that other mothers are so proud of their daughters for sticking with the goal they had.. And I've only been with 2 guys, never wanted a third guy.. But for sure I'm not. I really thought I loved him but after thinking over and over through our whole relationship I was not.. I am so angry at myself for allowing all of this!!! I cry so much for anger at myself I'm serious.

And what kills me the most is I'm having a baby that is going to be raised by a single mom and how much pain I brought to my mom.. And I have tried but my doct. Receptionist keep telling me they'll call me. I'm so angry at myself for realizing so late.

Like other teenage/young adults (19to20) will feel like every boyfriend is a potential and try to make it work even if they're small things we have to over look. I did that. He wanted to start a family and that wasn't my thing, I was so close and even was thinking going to a well-known university with the help of my parents they were going to support me after I finished my basics at my community college.. But I was enrolled with his dream and anything he wanted I would do.. I didn't value me or my dreams.. Now I'm stuck with the consequences..

I chased him and begged him SOOO MUCH even if we didn't stay together THAT HE STAYED IN US FOR HIS CHILD but he decided to move out of US. And I have no contact with him, we both blocked each other on social media. But not going to lie I peeked at his fb and he keeps updating all this *** activities he does and how he is so happy... It hit home. I am here suffering, meanwhile he is having fun..

I know this is gonna sound weird but go follow Trent Shelton on fb. Watch his videos. They are so helpful and enlightening when dealing with relationships. He speaks such truth that really helped me open my eyes. Seriously give it a try.

I read everything you wrote & also the comments. I am in somewhat a similar situation but long story short will also be a single mom & I usually don't comment on things but I know what it feels like to go through something so hard knowing it could of been avoided if you had made better decisions but if you want to keep your baby don't let anyone convince you other wise I can tell by everything you said you will care and love the baby regardless That's all you should focus on, don't let no one tell you it's the end for you now If anything now you just have to prove people wrong and be the best mom you can be. Stay strong and just have faith I promise things do get better !

Thank you!! And me too, I usually don't neither but I've been having this app for a while and this really started to bother me and needed to get some things out. What was your situation? If you don't mind me asking. And what were your choices?

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