C,Mon let’s be fair to Labour. They brought us some good things. Illegal war in Iraq, financial collapse, Gordon Brown, cash for questions, sleaze, second homes expenses fiddle, Jim Murphy, Alastair Darling..you are just so ungrateful.

Only a colony can be ‘granted’ home rule/devolution. Mind you, better a devolved colony than being ruled governor-general style by a Rifkind, a Forsyth or a Lang. Jings, imagine, without colonial devolution Scotland would now be ruled over by the great Alistair. He says we are now the world’s third most powerful devolved parliament – hence we must be the third most powerful colony! Maybe EVEL means England really wants to be a British colony too. All so confusing. A recipe for further institutional conflict (ha ha). Where can I get one of these keyrings?

The old beast from Kirkcaldy has started rumbling. How long until old boulder face appears. Its my devolution,its our Smith Commision..don’t let them steal this from us! We delivers the vow. Well fair enough we never told you what the vow was until you bought it. But we delivered half of hee haw and thats what you voted for suckers!

One free Trident keyring for every £100bn you spend in the United States Military Industrial Complex. Remember your loyalty card gets you discount flights for you and your army to a special mystery war as yet unannounced. Also check out our range of false flags and black propaganda…