Saturday, January 12, 2013

#96 “Don't let
your sons push their sister around. If
you do, they'll treat their wives the same way.”

I stared at #96 for a long
time, and I’m not sure why. OK, that’s a lie. I know why. I didn’t want to
write about this lesson because this has been a difficult one for me my entire
life.

By the time I came into the
world, my parents were older and my siblings were grown and gone, so I had no
role models for dealing with male/female aggression/submission. Then I was
taught at church that women are subservient to men and a woman’s reward is not
on earth but in heaven. Between the
religious dogma and the lack of role models, I allowed myself to be pushed
around by my husband, and I allowed my sons to push their sister around.

When I was 28 I backlashed
dramatically to become the woman who would never be pushed around again,
plowing a 10-year swath through the male gender, showing them just how
indomitable I was. I hated men and I hated myself. Thankfully, time and a
patient husband helped me learn that it isn’t about dominance; it is about
balance.

My children were probably
damaged to a degree by my and their dad’s and society’s mistakes, but they also
benefited from our triumphs and resilience, and from this they have learned
that our lives are not measured by our mistakes, but rather by how well we
learn from those mistakes and rise above them.

So mom was right. Don't let
your sons push their sisters around. And I would add, don’t let your daughters
be pushed around either.

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About Me

Good Day and welcome to the Gals – Very Smart Gals blog. My name is SueAnn Wade-Crouse, and I am a very proud mother of three and grandmother of eight, and have been happily married for 20+ years to an extraordinary man. I am also a development consultant/grant writer, over-reader, camper and closet recluse. I have walked on the coals of life and survived and become stronger from that which hasn’t killed me. My life is blessed with abundant and magnificent family and friends. Thank you for visiting my blog. I hope that you will post a comment, subscribe, and email the site to your friends. Lust for Life.

About the Very Smart Gals

What the heck is Gals – Very Smart Gals? I originally created the Very Smart Gals blog because I wanted, or perhaps needed, to record my memories of my recently departed mom, Willie Belle Forbes Wade. Willie was a wile old gal who taught her four daughters and one son many things, not the least of which was to make friends with smart women. Since she was a schoolteacher by trade, she tended to teach her life lessons over and over (the reinforcement principal), so I decided a good way to memorialize my mom and capture her wisdom was to repeat the things she taught me. Voila! “One Hundred Things My Mom Taught Me A Million Times,” the anchor of the Gals – Very Smart Gals blog, was born.

Another thing Willie taught us was to read, read, read. Aware of my reading addiction, friends often ask, “What’s good?” So I began reviewing books on my Gals – Very Smart Gals blog as well, even drawing comments from some of the authors of books reviewed.

Then in the fall of 2009, one of the 350+ gals on my list of Very Smart Gals said, “Who are the Very Smart Gals? Why are you keeping all of them to yourself?” So, I began a series of lunches and happy hours to introduce 3-6 women at each get together. The outcome was magical and difficult to define. There were women I had known for 20 years I didn’t know knew each other. There were rediscovered friendships. Gals even discovered shared distant relatives! And each lunch or happy hour ended with very smart gals knowing more very smart gals. The Very Smart Gals live all over the US; they’re every age and every color; they’re wealthy and barely scraping by. In fact, their only common denominator, other than being female, is “smart.”

I also tend to be reclusive, so getting the Very Smart Gals together is part of my self-induced therapy, to get me out of my shell.

So what’s the agenda of the Very Smart Gals; what is the deeper meaning? Very Smart Gals is about women appreciating, honoring and supporting each other, and according to wile Willie, that is important enough.

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