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Sitting in the restroom of a restaurant crying. Was I wrong?

I'm sitting in the restroom balling! I told SO, I don't like r 2 yo spending time w da neighbors 3yo daughter cuz she isn't brought up w the same boundaries or values as r son. Her mom is a great mom but has very different ways of parenting. For example, she can spend the night at my SIL's place but I won't let him stay at anyones place for a very long time. Also, they don't say no to her and so u can imagine she has no rules. SO got offended and said he feels the same about my nephews. One is autistic n the other is ADHD. He's afraid they'll hurt him, unintentionally bcuz they're rambunctious and don't see the harm in how they play. I'm so hurt n offended! This lil girl isn't family! My son doesn't have to have a relationship w her! Am I wrong?

I think it's so hard when it's your child, but your son is his child as well. Although I have a son who was diagnosed ADHD, I totally understand someone who had a small child being concerned.

I am very much like you, & it took me years to realize that very few people have the same parenting style, & your son will have to learn to play with children who have had parents with good values, but different disciplinary styles, totally different rules or none at all, & even kids that've been given no guidance or supervision at all when he attends school. I think the best thing to do is to let them play, but be there to supervise & give guidance the entire time (& maybe the other child will benefit from watching you parent your child as well-or even the mom).

Give yourself a break, mother's are supposed to be protective, but give your hubby a break, he's just being protective too & I'm not sure he was really defending the neighor.

I'm not sure why in the world he is so into defending the neighbors daughter. I can see his point about being around your nephews to some extent. I mean their mother obviously has their hands full, right? Another child added to that, especially a 2 year old, maybe she can't keep her eyes on all of them. If you or your SO is there, that would be one thing. But your SIL alone that could be a problem waiting to happen. But the bigger concern for me would be why is the neighbor's kid such a big deal? She should not be.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 10:07 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

You're sitting on a yucky public bathroom floor to cry over this? Wow, if this is what you call a bad day then you must have a lot to be thankful for in your life.

This is not worth making a big deal over. Your son will not spend enough time with this neighbor girl to undo the good parenting you're doing.

Answer by
Anonymous
at 10:12 PM on Jun. 22, 2010

I'm upset cuz of what he said about my nephews. Now I know how he really feels when they're around. He'd rather our son play w da neighbor than my nephews.

You'll be okay, and so will she, you're obviously a caring conscientious mom. Try to relax....not that I take my own advice, my boys are 18, 20 & 27, and if I could, I'd still supervise when they play....but I guess I have to let go and hope that what I did when they were younger set them on the right path now.......*hugs*

Yes, you're wrong.
Honestly, you're only saying it's okay for your nephews because of their disorders and that they're family. That's wrong. Their parents can diciplin them and can show them the right ways to play. Autism, ADHD or not. My sister had ADHD and she knew the rules front and back, because my parents made sure that all of their children knew and followed the rules. You're wrong for saying that it's okay for your nephews to not follow rules and be rumbunktious because of their disorders. That's wrong.

This neighbor may not be brought up in the same parenting techniques that you show your child, but that doesn't mean that she can't be friends with your child. You teach your child what you want her to know, and if your child comes home with a new idea then you tell her whether it's right or wrong. She can still be friends with the neighbor if you continue to parent your child the way you see fit.

(Contin) Are you going to shelter your kid from all the children who aren't raised in the way you raise your children? If so, your child is going to be one lonely child. It's wrong of you to judge that mother on her parenting skills, because you think that your way is better. Again, your daughter will know what she is taught if you are consistant with the lessons. Your daughter will know what she is allowed and not to do if you teach her. Regardless of who she hangs out with.