Thursday, 11 October 2007

On……the Gold Digger: I salute thee

………..so Heather Mills heads back to Family court today to hear how much she is entitled to following her split with Paul McCartney. Depending on who you believe the final figure is likely to be anything between £30 Million and £70 Million.

WHAT?

Yes. Between $60 to $140 Million

EHN?

Do I stutter? As I said, 7.5 to 17.5 Billion Naira.

In any currency that one na money. Kai God o why did I enter this world as a man sef? If I was a babe no one go do ashewo work pass me. 70 Million kpon for four years of marital service. The babe made roughly about 17.5 Million a year. And for doing what exactly? No be say they torture am for those four years o. No be say Paul dey flog am every day with koboko. No, quite the contrary. Film festivals, awards shows, St Tropez, Dinner with the Queen, etc, etc. In fact open any glossy magazine in the last four years and if you don't see Heather shining teeth inside then no be correct magazine you buy. Before you start telling me say na love, don't forget that this is the same woman who, on meeting Paul McCartney for the first time, ditched the poor schmuck she was engaged to - four days before the wedding. Ouch!

My question of the day is a very simple one. Ladies, is there any shame in marrying a rich dude? Biko make una think well before una answer o! Is a man's wealth and success really not an issue for you? I bet your instinctive response is Hell NO! The thought of a gold digging female instantly conjures up an image of some mini-skirt rocking, make-up plastering, high-heel wearing hoochie who has no better prospects other than to marry rich. But why? Why can't you be a successful woman who wants to be spoilt a bit as well? Sure you can buy that Lex by yourself but if somebody can just come and dash you one, will you turn an indignant nose up at it? There is a perennial stereotype that the rich guy is always some craggy, saggy, wrinkled, grizzled, 87 year old geriatric (RIP Anna Nicole). But again to refute this, there are many attractive, successful and personable men who just happen to be rich. Success does not always breed arrogance or an undesirable personality.

Fairytales have corrupted our thinking somewhat. The poor student is always so sweet and whimsical; his love is somehow more genuine than that of the rich dude who is invariably hard-nosed and egotistical. Sometimes there is just no winning either way. It is the same poor student that might be the first to ditch your ass as soon as he has made it big. Na minor dilemma but the solution is simple though. Marry someone with at least a sense of purpose and direction. Someone you can go on a journey with. This person should ideally be somewhere between scrub status and big man level. It is a sweeter life journey.

My guys nko? Can you marry in an attempt to upgrade your lifestyle? There is an increasing number of men who will answer yes to that question. See Kpakpando's hilarious post that addresses this new breed of man. This may sound old fashioned but Atutu wants to be the one to look after you in a relationship. When we go out I want to be the one to pay for dinner dammit. I dunno maybe it makes me feel more like a man. Many guys I know swear blindly that they could not go out with a girl that earned considerably more than them. Well bloody work harder then I say to them! But seriously does this mean that we men subconsciously (or perhaps even consciously) go after women we assume will depend on us? Are we wary of those independent, feisty types that look like they will only use you for occasional gbenshing and nothing more? It explains, then, the prevalent nature of the Gold Digger. The Paul McCartneys of this world could easily marry women who are dooched up in their own right. Yet they seem drawn to these women that enter the relationship with six naira fifty kobo and exit with £70 Million. If they ain't no punks, holla "we want pre-nup, we want pre-nup"….

I will leave you with the online exchange between the woman looking for a rich husband and the mysterious Wall Street banker. She placed an ad on some online dating website proclaiming how young and attractive she was and how she was seeking a partner that made at least 500 thou a year. She had recently dated a guy who was on 250 a year but according to her she hit a roadblock because "$250,00 won't get me into Central Park West". She obviously reached her target audience because a rich guy did indeed respond to her ad but perhaps not quite in the manner she was hoping:

"Your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity ... in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won't be getting any more beautiful!" the banker wrote.

"So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset," he said. "Let me explain, you're 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!"

"It doesn't make good business sense to "buy you" (which is what you're asking) so I'd rather lease"

Suffice to say that the woman pulled the ad shortly after. The shame that should have caught her before placing the ad eventually made a belated appearance. If I was her I would have offered a long term lease with option to buy after ten years. After all Heather Mills only offered four…..

In Brasil here they have a joke about Ronaldo and his ex wife. she also got a large sum of money after a very short stint in marriageville, so they people here calculate how many times they had sex and divide it by the money she got. i hear its alot. any way, i find that very few nigerian women actually want to be independent, they want a man to assume all responsiblity while they take on a less demanding job just for job sake. i call this the sponge syndrome.but in the real world many women have higher paying jobs and nigerian men usually have a hard time dealing wit this.this comment is getting too long. if i come back can i say more?

Femme: LOL. Yes Milena Dominguez was the name of Ronaldo's ex I think. She did very well for herself too. LOL @ the sponge syndrome. Please come back and say more. You were on a roll there.

UndaCova: Thanks for the link babe. Boorish addresses the issue very well. It is a tough question but I see so many women who appear drawn to these rich, successful types. Is it the substance or the style that attraccts them?

dont know her name cos i was still new and didnt speak a word of putugese but there was a lot of her in the press cos she was caught having sex in a public beach. i dont know why there was a brouhaha. thats so brasillianjust spreading a little gossip here.why do men say if they were women they'd sleep around for money and yet condemn women who do. you cant be a woman and think you can think like a man.(or is that feminsim proposes?)beyonce wants a man she can upgrade or is it only because she has a man that can upgrade my villa?even hollywood hasnt been kind to kfed, so why will nigeria?i remeber reading an article about silva edem and how well she has married, like you said if the guy was at least 10 years older, instead of celebrating her new found wealth status, the writer would have labelled her a slut. youth seems to be the deciding factor.

I think its the lifestyle that attracts them. A gold digger (male or female) has a taste for expensive and flashy material things but is either too lazy or stupid to work for them by themselves. They do not understand the concept of hard work and striving. They want things handed to them on a plate. I guess i cant really blame men for railing against gold diggers. Having said that, in most cases its usually a mutually beneficial arrangement. The man knows there is no way the woman could be with him for anything but his money, but he gets to have a young, pretty, nubile thing on his arm and is the envy of all his contemporaries. Quid pro quo, i believe the lawyers call it.

As per successful, attractive and personable men who just happen to be rich. I guess it depends on your definition of rich. I personally would feel redundant if i made no significant contribution towards the financial future of my family...

Hmm this seems to be an issue on blogsville now, i have read boorish male's blog , I tend to disagree alot with what some people say, But anywayz here is my opinion and it is just one so pls no one should take it personally. I am woman with a great profession , yes i can afford most of the good things life has to offer, but the question still stands DO I WANT A MAN THAT IS BETTER OFF THAN ME ? my anwer is hell yes, for a alot of reasons, i know that nowadays we all want to act like we we don't need any mans money , Yes i would say so but in marriage do i want a man that i feel can take care of me ? Hell Yes and that is why from time mermorial That is why the Man has always been the head of the Home. Pls ddon't get me wrong when i say this , it is not becos i want to be financially dependent on him, No , WIll I CONTRIBUTE? HELL YEAH. I am sick and tired when people sit and just the word POTENTIAL as meaning he has money , NAH. I PERSONALLY THINK THAT WHEN YOU SAY U ARE LOOKING FOR A MAN WHO HAS POTENTIAL , YOU ARE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS IN TUNE WITH YOU, AND IN TEH MATERALISTIC SENSE OF IT HAS THE ABILTY TO GROW AND BE MORE THAN HE IS PRESENTLY. TRUST ME NO ONE WANTS A LIABILITY. and when i say grow it means the both of u, for goodness sakes u don't want a man thats a bump, that sits down yr after yr and is not improving himself, its more of the ability for the both of you to grow together and forge an empire. Ok i am getting carried away. But well soemthing along those lines. I hope that wasn't too long.

Another great post. I heard one of those 'expert' laywers on the radio saying the Mccartney case is not a 50-50 type split since the wealth was not built up during the marriage. It's more a maintenance issue for Heather and the kid, so she might not get up to £70m. No such thing as pre-nups in the UK by the way...

I have a female cousin who regularly says that no matter how much money she makes personally, she prays her husband makes more.

Can a decent man live harmoniously with a woman that makes more money than he does? Heaven Yes!. All my suffa suffa yrs for school but for the grace of my wife's income na carrot and celery we for dey chop. I njoyed her money no be small. Now that I am no longa suffa head student/trainee u should C the evil eye she reserves for any non blood related female over the age of 12.

As for H. Mills, the money is only to keep her in the lifestyle she is now accustomed to.

I can't stand that heather chick sha.Why was she denying she wasn't a gold-digger but now she is still arguing over her settlement?!People should start signing pre-nups for real,If Rooney knows what is good for him he had better convince coleen to sign that paper she doesn't want to sign.

Hmm,Yes many women want a man who earns more than they do, and i know many men who are uncomfortable with a woman who earns more than they do.....

But heather mills try sha, Mehn i have been hunting here for my own Paul oh, its a shame that in UK Rich men and black gyals dont click, i think we are like kryptonite to them....Mehn to enter marriage with nothing and come out with millions...

Well i always look at how hardworking the person is, please if you are the type that likes to chop fried egg and french toast in the morning and then watch tyra, maury, oprah all day and want gourmet meal for night without leaving the couch, nothing for you oh!!!

If its security your doing, frying chips, so far you are outside making the cheddar, busting your ass to better yourself, then i am down as they say no condition is permanent.

Besides i would like a man to take care of me as well oh as in spoil me, cause if i had the means i will do so myself....As in relationship is give and take.

uh oh, atutu you have come again..at the risk of sounding like a feminist, and I know most of you might be like "yeah right", I'll say make your own money,How much a guy makes is not my priority in picking a man, there are so many other important factors to consider(like dimples,I kid).....However if I happen to divorce a rich husband, the only obligation he owes me is to take kare of the kids and be the father that he is...Id be making my own though so I could careless for any percentage of his wealth... am just too much of a hardworker and overachiever to be a gold digger...

of course kind and giving gestures are always welcome to display affection..:)

I don't know. Everything is complicated. If the guy is richer than I am, I might be seen as a gold digger. If he has less money than I do, I may be seen as his sugar momma. If I refuse to be with him just because of that, I am shallow.

I however contend that if a man dictates that his wife should not work and then they divorce, he should pay alimony. So also should that happen if the roles were reversed.I don't see why every one is calling that woman a gold digger. I mean, McCartney is no Denzel. Do you know what she had to put up with each time the old geezer tried to "poke around"? Okay, so he is not that unpleasant looking.

Also, she has said repeatedly that her marriage was a difficult one. I don't know what that means but I am sure she does. Whether or not she was lying, hey that remains to be seen.

ok so, i have to go . am now really sleepy. it's not you Atutu. U know I love you but I have to go brush my teeth...oh dear, I have to get my clothes out of the dryer. am not folding tomorrow. if i have to wear crumpled LACE underwear, so be it.

Oh dear! Dude you gat me in stitches again! lol. Ashewo work no easy o. You sure say you for fit do am so if to say you be woman?! All those slimy fat dirty pot bellied men et al...ewwwwwww!!! yuck yuck yuckety yuck with some more yuck on top!!!

Brillant post. Gold digging hhmmm! Let me borrow Sefi Atta's book title, 'Everything good will come' the people gold digging are just myopic and can't see beyond their present needs and the desire to 'belong' or they desperatley need to elevate thier status and get as far away from their lowly begining as possible but they forget good old hardwork doesnt kill but makes you stronger.Though the odds seems stacked against you again I say Everything good will come but with the right attitude and the willingness to work hard. I know of a woman who had a flourishing business when she met her 'civil servant' husband. Today 18 years down the road he has a striving compant in the oil and gas industry and no amount of money she made or will make can compare to what he has potentials to make and will make going forward.Did she know this when they hooked up? No. There was no way she could have seen the future. But all her action and inactions are seeds NOW is pay back time. Thank God she wasnt one of those who think money/status is all that makes a man eligible.He sure wasnt eligible 18 years ago.

LOL! You got the email too? My friends in the States have been howling over it for over a week now. I thought the woman was so pathetic - if she was really that hot, she'd have everything she was complaining of, and more.

Oh and at this bit - "Is a man's wealth and success really not an issue for you? I bet your instinctive response is Hell NO!"

My instinctive response was HELL YES! Teehee! Let me explain.

I am going to be making shit loads of paper, and my "man" is going to have to be making double that. Does that make me a gold digger? Nope, because I will be able to afford everything I want and more. But I'm of the traditional mindset - I have to look up to (not down at) the person I'm with in order for a relationship to work. Not just in the sense of his character, but also, his drive, ambition, brain power and career status. And the weight of his bank account is an instant reflection of that. Someone who knows where he's headed, and who's already half way there by the time I meet him. That kind of "package" is a huge turn on.

But obviously there are other factors too, as my ex did check all the above boxes. Sigh....

...basically, i think every woman should be strong and independent and try hard to be successful and in the midst of all be able to relax and let a guy take care of her(meaning the guy has to be sucessful or more successful than her)...thats why we r women so we can be taken care of. gold digging or not,comfy and success r pecks chics consider b4 jumping on the wagon.

I want to have loads of money so I can be a wonderful provider. I dont mind her being independent and having loads too.. I ve always been a senseless romantic, I have only just recently learnt what an important role money plays in relationships..

atu, i like the fact that you took this as a light-hearted discussion becos i was already getting SICK with the trend as it happened else where. truth is there will always be gold-diggers; just as we will always have 419ners around. but to say all naija women or all najia men are gold diggers or 419ners as it applies is sooooo damn myopic!let no one sit on their pretty arses and relish in their own arrogance.this topic has drained the life outta me. hubby thinks blogging is unhealthy for me at the moment... i am looking at my two beautiful girls and i am wondering: would they have to grow up and keep defending themselves that they aren't whores (or shouldn't be referred to as such) just becos they are nigerian women in search of a good life which we all deserve and can attain on our own, but for the fact that we are women will always have to face up to ridicle?!i visited adaure's blog sometime ago and some anonymouses were sending mails saying she's climbed up the ladder in her workplace because she's screwing the bruces'. does that happen to a man? would a man get bashes and insults when he climbs up the ladder? will he be called a gigolo if he gets pomoted?i'm very passionate about things like this...i have successfully used ur blog as a shoulder to cry on. hope u don't mind *sigh*

I think women are charged with the term gold digger even when it doesn't apply. It's reached a point wehere everytime a woman considers finances she is called a gold digger. Not so. Money is part of the equation whether we like it or not. Moreso if one of the aims in your marriage is to bring children into the world. A woman may be doing well looking after herself and has enough money of her own to provide her needs however acknowledging that looking after a whole families needs is one responsibility she won't manage on her own does not a gold digger make.

Gold diggers are women who do nothing and bring nothing at all to the partnership and even in these cases I will come to their defence and say that the men signed up to such an arrangement know what they have signed up for.

You can't be a 60 year old man married to a 23 year old and pretend like you don't know what the deal is. You bet Mr Mccartney knew that when his marriage ended he would have to pay up. Now is not the time to be pretending like he was some lovesick teenager who duped.

Me, I want someone who will depend on me (a bit) too. I guess it's ingrained in us from birth; culture, TV its all there (I guess I haven't watched too many movies where folks are going dutch) infact there was a time just after all-boys secondary school when I was uncomfortable watching ladies I was with pay for stuffs in my front. After a few times where I did the payment, I got used to the alternative.

i don't think i am ever going to be first :(i love the Wall Street Guy, i'm still laughing

now to answer your questionhmmmm I want to marry a guy that can provide for mii. simple yes i want to drive a Toyota 2008 but i want to buy it will my own sweat so that when i roll down the windows and i'm cruising i feel the joy and accomplishment in my soul.

i really don't want to marry a madly reach guy, if he becomes rich after we have struggled together that is one thing but rich ppl. piss mii off, so yeah, no attraction there.

Money good, no lie!Money makes life more pleasurable, true too!However there is more to a relationship/marriage than having loads of dough.As long as my man can feed me and we can afford the basic neccesities, no wahala.

What a tough question to ask, but since we are all being honest here, so I hope, I wouldn't necessarily want a rich man, but I do prefer a man that is able to provide me with a comfy lifestyle, such as occasionally being able to go shoe shopping for Jimmy choos and possibly Louboutin without fear of spending the mortgage money. Hey, a girl can dream can't she?

On another note, I was on TMZ a while back and their headline read "I never 'pegged' Heather Mills to be the skiing type." I know, I pray my soul doesn't reside in Hell because I found that to be hilarious.

Id marry someone who was not as affluent as myself- its just money- i would not however marry someone who didnt know how to manage his money!!I tend to find 'rich' 9ja boys very unattractive for some unknown reason- i have met only 4 boys from 'very affluent' backgrounds that actually agree with me!!I dont know why!!maybe its cos they think their money speaks for them and so they dont need to learn how to communicate with their fellowhuman beings!!maybe its cos they spend wayyy too much money in the club when they are far from celebs!!there is this one chap- i will not name names- the guy is from woh woh land ehn-when i say Wohh wohhh i mean wooohh woooh!anyho, the guy has gotten with a few hot babes-minus myself o!! but the guy is not particularly articulate, or attractive nor does he seem to have a personality- GDS (gold digger sydrome) is trying to take over men!!

A question for you-what would you do if you overheard your babe saying she only liked you for your money?rather deep innit!!-do you know what i would do??i would go and get his pin number and clear out his account- a few weeks later, id stop calling and that would be the end of that!!- a year later i would post him his money back!

come, this guy sef- i even get dilemma wey i wan yarn about-my pidgeon is still as effed as ever- but anyho, so whats your stance with older babes and younger guys- dont worry- im not propositioning you o!!just asking thats all!!*wink wink8- no seriously-im joking o-bored at work kai- least its pay day today!!

wow! Dude...I too gbadun your writings! This is HAUTE!But em *coughs* *coughs*...make i tok my own o..abeg liff Heather jejely...when you were listing all the benefits she got from d marriage, you forgot to list the ultimate detriment o! Which is the 'fakafiki' Paul made her go thru every night or maybe its even every hour....abeg..body dey need rest too and body dey depreciate well-well...BOTTOM LINE: Dude it ain't easy to be fked all night/day in the name of performing your wifely duties!

Heather mills is a gold digger, end of. She hasnt contributed to the man's wealth in any way.The money she's asking for is insane. This isn't spades and shovel digging, this is JCB industrial oil refinery worthy digging. She should be ashamed of herself. Bloody daylight robbery.Women who seek rich men for such purposes belong in the same category. Men who do the same are shameless. Life is hard, we know. but to sacrifice pride and self esteem for flash cars and gucci shoes is sad.

in the beginning I was believing that lying ass heifer that she actually loved him o, see how I was bamboozled, remain small she will get part of the beatles publishing rights or something... and to think all these small small girls think they're doing something collecting honda for kpanshing alhaji's wrinkled blokus! See how a one legged chick can clean house mehn.

lmao....Damm good post,cant even remember how I got here...discovering you and kpakpando in a day is enough work for any one season...

Gold digger...I think there is a little gold digger in everyone of us but the trick is to balance it with some questions...ie.does he know how to spend it? is he willing to spend it? are you allowed to spend it? Cos it becomes a terrible waste of time if after you get into the promised land you notice the iron bars...

Now that said, I strongly beleive the poor school boy image was created by a broke school boy...

Bear in mind that the average nigerian gets the money only as long as she remains married to the geezer.divorce stops the newly aquired life style.which makes a lot of nigerian women live with trash just to keep the life style...

Ok I have been talking about others,what would I do?Do I want man that can take care of me...YES..

One leg, one hand, one eye, half a liver matters little to me in this matter. You'd be amazed at the ailments seemingly 'complete' people carry.

My issue- I think she was in it for the money. Her attitude now shows that. Sir Paul, one of my favourite all-time singers has learnt a heavy lesson. Like The Donald says- "If she loves you, she'll sign the pre-nup".

marriage is a union between two people, eh? if she asks for half or £70m (OMG) as in the case of Macca when she is leaving ur a**, what do U get? I think the man also has 2 get something 2 or what do U think? Like a** once a week won't be a bad idea sha. Leasing actually sounds like a good idea though. Nice post!

I have no qualms with ladies like Heather getting all they can from their ex-husbands; they are getting it for the majority of women out there in thankless marriages, where they slave for their husbands, yet when there's a windfall, it's the girlfriends that enjoy!

As for marrying a man for his money, there's one thing i tell all my friends, 'there's nothing as irritating as being in the midst of money and not having any of it'. Naija wives can testify. Their men would be swimming in billions, shi-shi dem & dem children no go see. Nothing wey dey vex like that.