Real live human beings Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were married this weekend. According to the three pieces of looseleaf paper stapled together I found on the ground outside the office, one of which had the words"Us Weekly" scrawled in number two pencil on it, "Everyone is happy for them." Oh?

"This was a total surprise, but something they were obviously planning on doing when the time was right," a source tells Us Weekly of the exciting news. "Everyone is happy for them. It was small and family and friends only, just like they wanted. I'm happy they pulled it off. We all consider them married anyway, but now it's official."

Everyone. EVERYONE. Much like not everyone likes pizza or clouds, everyone is probably not happy for Brad and Angelina, in that not being happy does not automatically mean you're unhappy. There could be any number of people who feel a feeling different than happiness about these two getting married. Like: