Volume 01[83], Issue 01[19]: April 4, 2003 North Park Press

NORTH PARKER Volume 01, Issue 01 ~ Friday, 04 April 2003
the
EXPOSED!!!
Construction actually
conspiracy to dig really big hole
NPU Renounces
Dry Status
AP – What was once thought
to be a Campus-wide
improvement plan
has been revealed to be a cover-up
for the self-indulgences of
principal organizer Paul
Johnson.
Tuesday night, when Se-curity
Guard Harry Tannehill
was doing a routine inspection
of the worksite, he discovered
Johnson and mistakenly iden-tified
him as a VonSteuban stu-dent
wrecking havoc. When
Tannehill approached, Johnson
turned to flee but was appre-hended
when he accidentally
fell into the hole.
“It had been a life-long
dream of Paul’s to break a
record in the Guinness book or
whatever,” said Jon Jenkins, a
member of a group Johnson
had led. “I think this was just
the latest plan to do so.”
Indeed, on the night of
his capture, the Guard was
about to apologize to Johnson
for the mistaken arrest when he
noticed Johnson holding a
shovel behind his back. “He
had this maniacal gleam in his
eyes. You could tell he had pan-icked
and wasn’t thinking
clearly,” Tannehill said. He be-gan
to run and Tannehill was
forced to fire several shots,
which apparently caused
Johnson’s fall.
After hearing the gun-shots,
a crowd of North Parkers
gathered, giving Johnson a
chance to escape; he has not
been seen since the incident.
Andrew Freeman, an-other
member of the group, had
expressed concern prior to
Johnson’s snap. “By the time I
met him, it had become a fixa-tion
of his, almost an obsession.
He had ripped out pages from
the World Record Book and
pasted them all over his office.
It was kind of freaky.”
“This is no surprise to
me- Paul’s tried to break all
kinds of records,” Jon Ecker
said, “tried and failed miser-ably.
It’s just not his thing.”
Johnson has attempted to set all
sorts of new records including
blowing the biggest bubble,
having the loudest Yodel and
being the fattest American,
which he quit after maxing out
at 90 kg.
Since Johnson’s disap-pearance,
a small group of de-voted
Paul Johnson fans have
taken up where he left off-eluding
officers and security
guards, this band of rebels has
successfully added at least, ac-cording
to an eyewitness, “six
or seven inches” to the hole.
“It’s really coming along,” the
source said.
Suspected Tapeworm
Epidemic Scare
Alleviated
Canada to attack
United States
North Park President David Horner announced Wednesday
that North Park would be dropping its alcohol ban in or
der to “better serve the needs of students and the diver-sity
of belief on this campus.” Horner believes that by lifting the
ancient prohibition of liquor, the University will attract more
non-Christian students and “force us to witness by our character
not just petty separators.” He predicts the move will decrease
hypocrisy by “at least threefold.”
Health Services workers have finally gotten to the bottom
of the suspected “incredibly fatal and contagious” tape
worm plague. For the past three weeks, North Park stu-dents
have been losing ridiculously large amounts of weight and
experts had little hope but that it was the work of a “malicious
tapeworm epidemic of mammoth proportions.” Instead, they have
been relieved to find that the problem is actually the result of the
increased walk to class and the resulting caloric loss from the
sheer distance from the dorms to Carlson.
Bush Pauses to
Consider Other Side
Today in Washington: During a brief emergency meeting
today, politicians temporarily paused as President Bush
posed the question “Do you think we should examine the
reasons behind their actions instead of just the actions them-selves?”
Silence ensued for no more than three seconds when
the politicians erupted into laughter. “We all had a good laugh
about it. I mean, what are we supposed to do? We don’t have
time for history,” said Jesse Ventura. Bush later apologized for
his remark.
In a U.S. Security breakthrough, the decoding of a secret mes
sage transmitted from Canadian forces has informed the Se
cret Service of a potential threat to the U.S. by its Northern
neighbor. Possible sources of attack were listed as the U.S.
Maple Syrup supply and a “moose-on-moose free for all.” Ex-perts
are still attempting to interpret the latter.
HAVE YOU SEEN
DANIEL’S HAIR?!?
A strange episode of spontaneous hair loss has been re
ported on North Park’s campus. A never-before-seen-or-heard-
of allergic reaction to the increased presence of
metal on campus has caused one senior to lose a large amount
of his hair, leaving him with an old-man, racing-striped mullet.
The student, who couldn’t be reached for comment, is said to
blame this reaction to the continued presence of construction
equipment.
Members of the mysterious “Midnight Digging Crew” pick up where their leader
Paul Johnson left off. The Crew pledged to continue their “Quest to fulfill a Dream
Deferred,” until Johnson returns or the hole surpasses the current record which,
Dave Lymburner says “we’re not really sure what the record is, but when we reach
it, I think we’ll know.”
picture courtesy of The Paul Johnson Foundation
Alert: This Paper is now edible
Friday, 04 April 2003 GUESS WHAT Press Page 2 North Park
What is your favorite color?
CUPOLA
CONVERSATION Dear Dr. Myers,
I am getting married this sum-mer.
I love my fiancé, but I
would like to invite my ex-boy-friend
to the wedding. We are
on speaking terms, but I don’t
know if my fiancé is okay with
Ask Dr.
M y e r s
Every morning I wake up
and look in the mirror
and say to myself,
“You’re gonna make it. You’re
gonna be the best American
biathlete since Rube Salsbury
took the Olympic gold back in
’37.” I feel like the biathlon is
the most underappreciated
sport in the world today. What
sport contains so much real life
application? The biathlon – for
those who don’t know – com-bines
the very necessary skills
of cross-country skiing and
stationary target shooting (on
skis). The Salsbury dynasty in
place in the early 1900’s was
perhaps the greatest single-sport
father-son-son-
(great)nephew chain of cham-pions
in recent history.
Abraham Salsbury grew up in
19th century Florida, and he
learned to shoot at an early age.
His father owned a fur-trading
post, and it was young Abe’s
job to kill any vermin attempt-ing
to mark its territory on the
stored pelts. That was the be-ginning
of a long line of dead-eye
kids (Abe and the rest of
his line actually have one dead
eye).
Abe’s son, Absalom, was
the typical red-headed un-wanted
child. But he redeemed
himself by shooing thirty-seven
cans off of a fence post
under the forty second mark.
After a feat of this caliber (get
it? Caliber?) How could a
family look down on their son?
They couldn’t.
And that’s how things
went for me. I got 30 cans un-der
the forty mark, and my par-ents
couldn’t have been
prouder. I remember it like it
was yesterday, and now I’m fi-nally
starting to get some rec-ognition.
I got the key to my
city, and now there are a lot of
guys on campus that want to
learn the sport from me. Not
to mention the ladies a biathlete
gets. Believe you me, once
women see your skiing/shoot-ing
skills, they can’t pass you
up. So sign up for the NP
Biathlon team. We’re gonna be
good—we’re all Swedish for
crying out loud! Unfotunately
for me, I won’t be able to pass
my biathlon skills onto a son
due to an unfortunate
biathloning accident (details of
which do not need to be dis-cussed).
I am forced to wait for
a nephew or maybe even a
niece to become the next Rube
Salsbury. Could it be you?
My life as a Biathelete
that. What should I do? Also, I am trying to quit smoking. Any
tips? I am in the second term of an unwanted pregnancy and am
wondering how to deal with this. My best friend was just diag-nosed
with cancer, and I was just awarded with one thousand
dollars to donate to the charity of my choosing. Help.
Sincerely,
Overloaded
Dear Overloaded,
D@mmit Jim, I’m a doctor not a butterfly.
Yours truly,
Dr. Myers
Frisbee playing SM
looking for preppie,
sociable SF. Must love
summers at camp and a
constant supply of water
(preferably 32 ounces or
more). Scandinavian
Heritage a plus.
SF seeking companion
for smoking and con-versation
outside Burgh
Hall. Must love strongly
odored cigars standing in
front of doors and imped-ing
foot traffic.
SF seeking basketball-loving,
fanatically
spirited SM, preferably
with cross-dressing ten-dencies
and a penchant
to occupy front row dur-ing
Viking games. Looks
not important, lack of
fashion sense appealing.
Toad suits and large
shoes a plus. Only loud
voices need apply.
Wannabe Cheer
leader seeking
Football Player. Actual
skills a plus but by no
means necessary.
TM seeking SF- bored.
Lonely Newspaper Em-ployee
searching
(desperately) for SM who
loves Cockfights, Clog-ging,
Death-Cage
matches, rollerball and
hidden piercings. Quak-ers
only need apply.
SM seeking T(taken)F-enjoys
a challenge.
Singles
seeking...
I think it’s
lopsided
Medium
I tell her I love her- I
don’t know what else to
do, it’s not like I can be
with her every minute.
She has to learn to trust
me.
It’s just better in small
amounts, you know?
70%, huh?
•Barbie and Bambi
The communica
tions department
announced Friday that
they have offered the position
of communications professor to
established media professional/
womanizer, Hugh Hefner.
“I think he will be a bang-up
addition to our staff,” said
full-time communications pro-
Communications Department to get a “Hefty” addition
fessor Victoria Nelson. She
contacted Hefner after stum-bling
across his famous publi-cation
while cleaning her teen-age
boys’ bedroom. “My sons
say the articles are really
good.”
Hefner was hired with a
new interdisciplinary major in
mind. Administrators plan to
offer a new communications/
women’s studies program.
Classes such as “Blondes, Bru-nettes,
and Redheads;”
“Breasts: more than just big
glands”; and “The Art of Per-suasive
Seduction,” are slated
to be on Hefner’s roster for next
year.
The negotiation process
with celebrity Hefner was one
of the most difficult the Uni-versity
has ever seen “Decid-ing
that we wanted him was
easy; the hard part was entic-ing
him,” said Communica-tions
Department Head Robert
Hostetter with a wink and a
nudge. Among his demands
were: a private office, complete
with a grotto, and walk-in robe
closet; to turn North Park into
a women’s only college; a
harem of naughty freshman
T.A’s.
Despite the praises of the
Communications Department,
not everyone on campus is
pleased with this new addition
to the faculty. “When Ani
diFranco and the Indigo Girls
find out about this, there will
be hell to pay,” said Kris Butch
02’.
SM seeking SM or SF to
enjoy late and wild
nights together. Must love
Scrabble, Dungeons and
Dragons and Star Trek. Mac
and TI86 a plus.
Coloring Contest!!
Winner receives
a free trip to
Sweden!
Send Submissions
to P.O. box 1947
PNroerths Pasrk
North Park University’s Student Newspaper
Volume 83, Issue 19 ~ Friday, 04 April 2003
http://campus.northpark.edu/sa/press/press.htm
Spring play opens
Grady Gillan, Kim Hamilton, and John Potter star in this year’s
Spring Play, The Diviners. The Play will make its second ap-pearance
tonight, and will return next Thursday and Friday (April
11 &12). All showings are in LHA at 8:00 p.m.
NP PRESS PHOTO\ Beth Allina
Scenes from the fight
• Jennifer Ryan
& Megan Gilmore
On Monday, March 31,
48 North Park students
joined other students
and citizens of Chicago in the
journey to Wash
ington, D.C. to partici-pate
in the fight for affirmative
action. Tuesday morning the
Supreme Court began hearing
a case that could overturn all
affirmative action laws, stem-ming
from two civil cases
against the University of
Michigan. That morning nearly
7,000 people gathered outside
the Court building in what
some have called “The Second
March on Washington,” or the
beginning of the “Second Civil
Rights Movement.”
Jennifer Ryan, an NPU
sophomore, was a part of that
journey, and captured the ex-perience
on film. These are her
pictures and reflections.
Photos courtesy Jennifer Ryan
April 1, 2003, Washington, D.C.
(Right) The call for action reiteratted time and again by
the speakers continued to fall on the young generation.
This fight for true social equality will not be realized as
quickly as this court case will be over. Regardless of the
outcome, this little girl stood as a reminder to me that as
much as I thought we were all equal, words are just
words... it takes conscious action to realize this diver-sity
everyone is always talking about.
(Below) We passed this while en route to the Lincoln Me-morial.
I found it rather ironic that this sign, stating the
security of our equal liberties, should have been hung
by the very government now accused of supporting the
opposite. I wonder if they every thought their clever little
catchphrase would stand as a contradiction in the midst
of conflict in our great society...
(more on page 6)
•Darrell Gustafson
It is Wednesday as I write
this article, and I have not
showered since Monday.
I’ve been on a bus over twenty-four
hours since then (two bed-less
nights), and traveled with
48 North Parkers to join tens
of thousands of people in a
march on Washington DC. On
Tuesday, the Supreme Court
heard two cases filed against
the University of Michigan’s
affirmative action policies,
charging that they are racially
discriminating, and that affir-mative
action should be abol-ished.
About 50,000 of us cared
enough to show that we dis-agreed
in one of the largest
demonstrations ever at the steps
of the Supreme Court.
There was a feeling that
this could be the start of a new
civil rights movement—a
mixed feeling, as it combined
feelings of anger at the systems
in our nation that continue to
oppress and discriminate, and
feelings of hope that our voices
could make a difference.
Chantay Washington, who or-ganized
the trip and founded
our campus branch of the
NAACP, said, “For North Park
students of color and those who
are truly dedicated to demolish-ing
the status quo, the march on
Washington was one of many
steps toward realizing the at-tainable
goal of racial justice.”
Although I left the march
feeling energized, I returned to
feeling frustrated by what I see
around me. It disappoints me
that George Bush ignorantly
called the University of Michi-gan
admissions policies “a
quota system”, which is com-pletely
untrue and would be il-legal
under current law. It an-gers
me that he would do that
on Martin Luther King Junior’s
birthday, effectively thumbing
his nose at what Martin stood
for. It upsets me that North
Park, while claiming to support
diversity, was not willing to al-low
students to use North Park
vehicles to travel to Washing-ton
to stand for justice and
equality. I get really disap-pointed
and afraid and frus-trated
when I see this country
so close to regressing to legiti-mize
segregation and discrimi-nation.
But what really makes
me mad is that many of you
who are reading this, some of
you friends whom I otherwise
respect, really do not seem to
care.
New SA president
Katelyn Johnson believes that
much of the inaction is due to
insecurity and ignorance about
social issues. “We need to have
a passionate craving to create
equality, unity, and uphold free-dom
by any means necessary,”
she stated. Katelyn’s vice presi-dent,
Katie Rose, agreed, add-ing
that affirmative action is an
important but “miniscule at-tempt
at rectifying the injus-tices
[of] this country.”
A lot of white people op-pose
affirmative action because
they feel it punishes them for
being white. Affirmative action
is not “reverse racism”—it
does not discriminate against
white people, but it does take
away the privilege that we are
used to having. Because racism
is not just a problem of preju-diced
individuals, but of a
flawed society that favors white
people while oppressing people
of color, affirmative action is
necessary—the only systematic
remedy to the systematic prob-lem
of racism.
The march on Washing-ton
was good, but the work is
not over. Jessyee Blair said that
although the trip was a great ex-
A march for reality
perience, she came back angry:
“Angry that in the year 2003,
instead of taking steps forward,
our nation is trying to take steps
back, back into Jim Crow, back
into separation. The extreme
level of ignorance people have
in their hearts always amazes
me…and that is something I
refuse to get used to.”
This banner
was one of
many that
hung in
support of
affirmative
action on
Tuesday as
crowds
gathered in
Washing-Photo
courtesy Jennifer Ryan ton.
North Park Press
Editor-in-Chief: Susannah Bagaas
Sports Editor: Carissa Esmon
Pulse Editor: Sarah Miller
Pulse Layout: Emily Manning
Layout Editor: Megan Gilmore
Random Task Person: Janine Quindt
Copyeditors: Josh Myers,
Sheri Hendrickson
Photographers: Carissa Esmon
Business Manager: Amanda Hasse
Advisor: David Wilson
Phone: (773) 244-5618
Fax: (773) 244-5551 3225 W. Foster Ave. Box 10
NP-Press@northpark.edu Chicago, IL 60625
THE SERIOUS SIDE Page 4
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
We believe that Affirmative Action is a modest attempt
to correct structured segregation in higher educa
tion. It allows for persons historically excluded to
gain some admission in these institutions. By so doing people
are equipped for leadership in their community and the en-tire
academy benefits because of the environment of vigorous
exchanges from various viewpoints. It also seems consistent
with the vision of the “Beloved Community” Dr. Martin Luther
King, Jr. spoke about.
We submitted the following letter to North Park’s ex-ecutive
cabinet on Wednesday March 26. There has been no
response, therefore we are making the letter available to the
wider North Park community to foster community-wide dia-logue
around cultural diversity and justice.
March 26, 2003
To Dr. David Horner and the
members of the Executive
Cabinet of North Park Univer-sity:
On April 1st, 2003, the
United States Supreme Court
will be hearing two cases in-volving
the University of
Michigan’s affirmative action
policies. The future of institu-tionalized
racism within our
country’s educational system is
at stake. As the judges of the
highest court in our land delib-erate
and determine what jus-tice
looks like in these two situ-ations,
thousands of students
and people of all age, race, and
religion, who understand the
enormous implications of the
court’s decision, are planning to
participate in a march on Wash-ington
in support of affirmative
action.
As members of one of the
Diversity Task Force Sub-
Committees, created to help
our institution realize North
Park’s Multicultural Vision, we
understand that part of our re-sponsibility
is to bring critical
issues of diversity to the atten-tion
of the administration of
this school. In fulfilling this
duty, our goal is to give special
attention to current and timely
issues that provide an opportu-nity
to make progress towards
becoming a “Stage 4—Anti-
Racist Institution,” as approved
and set forth by our Board of
Trustees in the October 2002
Multicultural Vision Statement.
We believe that one such issue
is the request for institutional
support for students who wish
to participate in the April 1st
march on Washington to sup-port
affirmative action.
It is our understanding
that the Executive Cabinet has
considered this request, but de-cided
that it is not in the best
interest of the school, nor is it
compatible with North Park’s
policies, to provide institutional
resources to support this activ-ity.
We understand that the spe-cific
concerns involve: 1)
North Park’s unique legal and
educational non-profit (501c3)
status that prohibits the use of
institutional resources to sup-port
partisan positions, and 2)
ensuring an environment in
which political issues are ad-dressed
fairly and specific
opinions are not favored.
In response to the first
concern of our school’s 501c3
status, a reputable lawyer we
contacted explained that “po-litical
involvement” is legal,
even for non-profit organiza-tions
such as North Park, pro-viding
that it does not consti-tute
a major portion of its ac-tivities.
In other words, an in-stitution
such as ours could not
set aside the majority of their
resources to support a political
movement or issue. Obviously,
this is not what is being asked
of the school in this situation—
and therefore we do not under-stand
this explanation. In ad-dition,
we have found that other
Christian-affiliated universities
and churches with the 501c3
status are supporting this effort.
After hearing the students’ case
in favor of participating in the
April 1st march, the President
of DePaul University chose to
financially support this cause
with $2000 of the school’s
funds to help cover the event
and transportation costs. Also,
Chicago’s Saint Sabina Church
has rented a bus and is taking
members of the community to
Washington for the march. If
North Park has some unique
legal status that distinguishes it
from these other 501c3 organi-zations,
we need further expla-nation
from the cabinet mem-bers
to fully understand this
reasoning.
In terms of affirmative
action being a political/partisan
issue—this is a reality we can-not
deny. However, we chal-lenge
you to consider that af-firmative
action is first and
foremost an issue of social jus-tice.
In the Evangelical Cov-enant
Church’s 1962 resolu-tions
on the subject of racial
justice, we find that, “every
Covenanter should help to
bring about public understand-ing
of the fact that integration,
the law of the land, means equal
rights of full citizenship, in-cluding
the ballot and public
education, as well as equal ac-cess
to public facilities regard-less
of race.”1 And then in
1965, another resolution was
passed stating that, “we all
pledge ourselves to a stricter
adherence to our resolutions,
assuming the initiative in inte-grating
both our urban and ru-ral
congregations and their
staffs, the facilities and student
bodies of our schools and the
employees and residents of out
institutions…”2 Evidence
clearly shows that overturning
affirmative action does not lead
to integration, but rather di-rectly
moves an institution to-wards
resegregation. For ex-ample,
UC Berkeley admitted
61% fewer minorities in 1998-
the year the state of California
first implemented its ban on
affirmative action. Results
were similar at UC-San Diego,
UC-Berkeley Law School,
University of Texas and Uni-versity
of Texas Law School.3
In light of our 1962 and 1965
resolutions, which clearly show
the denomination’s commit-ment
to programs of integration
in public as well as Covenant
institutions (i.e. North Park
University), it is inconsistent to
consider affirmative action as
simply another political or par-tisan
issue, rather than the ra-cial
and social justice issue that
it truly is.
Furthermore, we as a
committee view your current
response to this issue as dam-aging
and undermining to the
purposes and goals clearly ex-pressed
in the Multicultural
Vision Statement of our school.
This statement, in alignment
with the preamble to the con-stitution
of the Evangelical
Covenant Church states, “We
are committed to reaching
across boundaries of race,
ethnicity, culture, gender, age,
and status in the cultivation of
communities of life and ser-vice.”
4 The Diversity Task
Force Position Statement as-serts
that North Park,“can be
seen as ‘passive’ on these ques-tions
or only changed in ‘sym-
Letter to the Executive Cabinet
Opinions presented here are not necessarily those of North Park or the North Park Press.
continued on page 5
Chicago Latino Film Festival
Log onto
latinoculturalcenter.org for all
the movie titles and sched-ules.
Fabulous films from all
over Latin America, the USA,
and even Europe. Not to be
missed!
Brew & View
8pm “Punch-Drunk Love”
10pm “Just Married”
12am “Punch-Drunk Love”
The Brew & View is located at
3145 N. Sheffield, just west of
the Belmont stop. $5 for all
movies and a rowdy crowd.
Remember, 21 to brew, 18 to
view. Make sure to bring
government ID!
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
See Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Chicago Cubs
Home opener today! Tickets
are sold out but there are still
seats available for games
starting April 9th. The lovable
Cubbies are in town ‘til the
17th. Log onto cubs.com.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Beau Travail
FREE screening at the
Alliance Francaise tonight at
7:15pm. Get there early for
good seats. The show is 90
minutes and followed by a
discussion. 54 W. Chicago,
Red Line to Chicago. Head
down early to McCormick &
Schmick’s to take advantage
of their $1.95 menu from
3:30pm to 6pm at 41 E.
Chestnut, just up the street
from AF.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
PULSE CALENDAR
4/5 saturday
4/4 friday
4/6 sunday
4/8 tuesday
4/9 wednesday
2/13 thursday
4/7 monday
Friday, April 4 Saturday, April 5 Sunday, April 6 Monday, April 7
12 p.m. - Baseball @ Elmhurst
1:00 p.m. - Softball vs. Illinois Wesleyn
7:00 p.m. - College Life, Anderson Chapel
12 p.m. - Baseball vs. Elmhurst
1 p.m. - Softball vs. Elmhurst
8:00 p.m. - Spring Play
4:30 - 6:00 p.m. - “A Candle in the Wind” 9 p.m.- Fellowship of Christian Athletes
- The life, dream, vision of Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr.
8:00 p.m. - Spring Play “The Diviners”
worshiping community here at
North Park.
In an effort to live out the
value of diversity in what we
do at Chapel, we are on a jour-ney
to give expression to the to
the many voices at our school.
As one of the team members
responsible for the planning of
these services, I can say that
this is both a challenge and an
adventure. Last semester we
intentionally incorporated
more of the gospel style of
music into many our services,
and as a result, the November
19th service that was planned in
collaboration with Rollo
Page 5 THE SERIOUS SIDE
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
Ravenswood Covenant Church
4900 N. Damen Ave. 784.7091 www.ravenscov.org
Sunday Schedule:
9:30 a.m. Education & Ministry
10:45 Worship & Fellowship
Ministries:
Ravenswook Community Child Care Center
AWANA and SUmmer Day Camp for children
Wednesday Night Basketball Outreach
Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting
English Classes for adults
Seniors Program
Staff:
Pastors: Bryan Kletzing, Steven Hoden
Worship: Leslie Hodgkinson, Mary Kletzing
Youth Director: Eran Wade
Secretary: Dana Robertson
Embracing Neighbors with God’s Love
bolic’ sense with little funda-mental
structural change.
There is a realization here that
although ‘people of color’ may
be tolerated and official state-ments
may be made about the
vision of multiculturalism (e.g.,
the Board of Trustees’
Multicultural Vision State-ment),
power and privilege re-main
with the white majority
and people of color still feel on
the margin.”5 The Executive
Cabinet’s lack of support for
the march on April 1st is rein-forcing
the statements made
above by the Diversity Task
Force Committee, and is not
helping North Park move
from stage two/three to stage
four.
Stage four is character-ized
by a “new consciousness
of institutionalized white
power and privilege,”—
something that this Supreme
Court will have to address in
their upcoming decision—as
will our own leadership here
at North Park. Stage four is
further defined by, “an in-creasing
commitment to dis-mantle
racism and eliminate
inherent white advantage.”6
Students and staff who are
looking to participate in this
march on Washington, as
well the members of this sub-
I am by no means an expert
on these topics, but I’d like
to raise some questions on
the debate about Affirmative
Action (AA) discussed in the
last North Park Press.
Due to historic discrimi-nation
and injustices, AA
sounds like a reasonable solu-tion.
But I want to raise the
question if the best way to com-bat
injustice is by overt institu-tionalized-
racism? During col-lege,
a friend of mine applied
to some of the top law schools
in the country. He was a 4.0
scholar with very high GRE
scores, yet was consistently re-jected
because he was a white-male.
To such blatant discrimi-nation
he simply shrugged and
said, “It’s how the system
works.”
If we are going to dis-mantle
institutionalized-racism
then we should be consistent on
all fronts—and this means see-ing
AA for what it is: a racially
biased discriminatory policy.
Discrimination based on race is
a vice no matter who is favored
or rejected. The principles of
Dr. King were equality based
on character and merit regard-less
of race. On the other hand,
AA implies that character and
merit are determined by race.
This not only defies Civil
Rights principles but also per-petuates
a more insidious prob-lem:
white-paternalism. This
is evidenced by “alternative”
(i.e. lower) admissions stan-dards
for “disadvantaged mi-nority
students” that never get
applied to “disadvantaged
whites”. How is this not racist
and demeaning? This also flies
in the face of the cultural con-tributions
minorities continu-ously
make (like in the arts,
entertainment, sports, etc.) with
no “systemic” assistance what-soever.
It is time for us to rec-
Letters to the Editor
This letter is actually about
four months overdue, but
I hope it is timely with
respect to one of next week’s
events.
First let me thank you for
the cover story, “The Great
Chapel Experiment,” in the Fri-day,
November 20th North Park
Press. The article gave a fair
review of the Chapel worship
celebration that involved the
NP Gospel Choir and members
of the Chapel worship teams.
However, it did stop short of
explaining the greater vision
behind that service, and specifi-cally
one of the goals for the
The Great Chapel Experiment?
Letter to the Executive Cabinet, continued
Dilworth and the NP Gospel
Choir became less of an “ex-periment”
and more of a cel-ebration.
Newcomers to
Chapel that day might have
found it a surprise that these,
“grooving angels had infil-trated
the Chapel service;”
however, those of us who found
a home last semester in Chapel,
would have likely described it
differently. For many of us,
that service was an exciting ex-pression
and of our growth,
appreciation and now participa-tion
in an incredible style of
worship.
As I mentioned, this is a
journey, and we have a long
way to go before we under-stand,
value and find ways to
give meaningful expression to
the variety of ethnic/cultural as
well as interdenominational
forms of worship. And at
times, it may be experimental
in nature. But at other times, it
will be an all-out celebration
for what God is doing in our
midst as we embrace the rich
diversity of worship that is re-flective
of our infinitely cre-ative
God.
This coming Thursday,
April 10th, we will have another
Chapel worship celebration
ognize the myth of minorities
always needing “help” to get
by in our culture only feeds the
atrocious stereotype of “white
supremacy”. These myths need
to be expunged —fervently and
with a baseball bat.
I realize some may dis-committee,
are committed to
these goals for our school as
well as for our nation. We ask
that the Executive Cabinet re-consider
its response to this
situation, understanding this
will be vital for moving us to-wards
stage four—and becom-ing
an anti-racist institution.
Due to the significance
of this issue, whether before,
during or after the march, we
also ask that a public forum
take place where, members of
the Executive Cabinet clearly
explain their final decision, as
well as respond to any ques-tions
that might arise. We be-lieve
this forum is necessary to
maintain relationships of ac-countability
and a spirit of un-derstanding
within our commu-nity.
In quoting Eric H.F.
Law’s The Wolf Shall Dwell
with the Lamb, the Diversity
Task Force’s Position State-ment
states, “To do justice,
then, is to be able to see and
recognize the uneven distribu-tion
of power and to take steps
to change the system so that we
can redistribute power
equally.”7 As an institution,
North Park has two choices: to
begin taking steps to change the
system or to remain in a pas-sive
state.
that includes both the NP Gos-pel
Choir and members of the
Chapel worship teams. I’m
excited to say that this service
will be recorded for a North
Park Worship CD that is com-ing
out later this year. So I in-vite
everyone to come and be a
part of this unique Chapel
service…but not to stop there.
I invite each one of you to be a
part of shaping the future wor-ship
experiences of our school.
Rich Johnson
Worship Coordinator
University Ministries
agree with the opinions stated
here but I hope this will gener-ate
more discussion and debate
on this important issue. For an
excellent book on AA, check
out Content of Our Character
by African-American scholar
Shelby Steele. Our library car-ries
it and Steele’s work has
been instrumental in disman-tling
my own stereotyping and
paternalism.
Grant Clay
North Park Seminary
The University Ministries
Sub-Committee of the
Diversity Task Force,
Kristi Lach, Tim White,
Tom Anderson, Quentin
Mumphery, Kazi Joshua,
and Rich Johnson
FYI: pbs.org has available on
their website audio recording of
the Supreme Court hearings.
Additionally, bamn.com,
npr.org, and the University of
Michigan website have infor-mation
in regards to this issue.
Rethinking Affirmative Action
Opinions presented here are not necessarily those of North Park or the North Park Press.
(Footnotes)
1 Covenant Year Book, “Christian-ity
and Racial Relations (The is-sue
of the year).” The Evangeli-cal
Covenant Church of America.
1962, pp. 229.
2 Covenant Year Book, “Concern
for Racial Justice.” The Evangeli-cal
Covenant Church of America.
1965, pp.223
3 http://www.bamn.com/
doc/factsheet.asp
4 North Park University Board of
Trustees, “Multicultural Vision
Statement.” Approved October
2002, pp. 12.
5 Diversity Task Force Position
Statement and Call for Participa-tion.
January 29, 2003, pp. 13.
6 Continuum on Becoming An
Anti-Racist Multicultural Institu-tion,
pp.14. cites from Crossroads
Ministry, Chicago, Illinois, 2002.
7 Diversity Task Force Position
Statement and Call for Participa-tion.
January 29, 2003, pp. 13.
10 a.m. - Gospel Worship Celebration,
Anderson Chapel
3:30 - 5:00 p.m. - Camp Grant Training
Sessions
5:00 -6:30 p.m. - What’s Goin’ On?
Current Issues in Colored America, ARA
Alumni Room
8 p.m. - Spring Play: The Diviners
Tuesday, April 8 Wednesday, April 9 Thursday, April 10 Friday, April 11
10 a.m. - Jack Surridge, Swedish
Gospel Choir
12 p.m. - Baseball @ Concordia
3:30 - 5:30 p.m. - Divided Sisters:
What comes first? Race or Gender?
3 p.m. - Baseball vs. North Central
3:00 p.m.- Softball @ Carthage
8:30 p.m. - Documentary: “Children
Underground” Java Haus
8 p.m. - Spring Play: The Diviners
Page 6 THE SERIOUS SIDE
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
New Condos for Rent 1.5 blocks from North Park:
New Hardwood Floors, new kitchens and countertops, in unit
washer/dryer, air conditioning. 2 bedroom, 1 bath, summer only
rental for up to three students, partially furnished, available May
10 - August 22. 2 bedroom, 2 bath, annual lease for up to four
students, unfurnished, available May 10
Contact: Al Bjorkman, Department of Biology,
ext.5781 or abjorkman@northpark.edu
Looking for a place this summer?
• Megan Gilmore
Press Layout Editor
Every one of us here to
night has been called to
live a life that looks dif-ferent
from the world around
us.”
Rich Johnson, University
Ministries Worship Coordina-tor,
opened College Life three
weeks ago with this statement,
as part of an introduction to the
series Objects In Mirror Are
Closer Than They Appear. In-voking
the image of a mirror,
Johnson explained that there
are things in our lives every day
that we must choose to look at
or not, but which remain in our
scope of vision regardless.
Three of these topics – popular
culture, politics, and race –
have become the focus of Col-lege
Life during this series as
students begin to address
Christianity and faith in regard
to the surrounding world.
“These are issues that are
in our mirrors whether we
choose to look or not,” Johnson
said. “We can’t go a day with-out
being inundated with mes-sages
from the media. As Dick
Staub said (in the March 23
College Life), pop culture is
probably the most powerful in-fluence
in shaping our lives.
Why is politics relevant? One
word for you: war.”
In his address, Staub ex-plored
how Christians are to
interact with and react to the
images found in entertainment
and popular culture.
The next topic to be ad-dressed
was politics. On March
30 Dale Kuehne, a politics pro-fessor
from the east coast, gave
students a look at the two his-torical
views taken by Chris-tians
in regard to politics and
war.
Finally, on Sunday, Col-lege
Life will explore the sub-ject
of race and Christianity.
“In light of the board of
trustees Multi-Cultural Vision
Statement and our commitment
to issues of diversity and racial
justice, I think this topic is very
timely,” Johnson said.
John Cole-Vodica will
address students on the issues
of justice, poverty, and race.
“He has worked with the prison
and jail project in Americus,
Georgia,” Johnson said of
Cole-Vodica. “The Sankofa
2001 and 2002 trips visited his
ministry and heard him speak.
We know he has something to
say to our campus.”
This series comes in the
continuing effort of the College
Life ministry to address topics
that are relevant to students, as
well as to continue to keep the
campus aware of what is going
on in the world. Johnson ex-plains
it as sort of the next step
up from the “in the news” seg-ment
that has recently become
a part of every Sunday night
service.
After this series ends this
Sunday night, there will be
three final College Life eve-nings:
the recording of the first-ever
North Park worship CD, a
night of student drama, and a
special year-end service.
Series explores relevance of faith
Reflections, continued
(Below) Marchers gather on April 1 in front of the capital. At times there were as many as
50,000 people gathered in front of government buildings to voice their opinions.
(Far right) It’s crazy to think that 40 years ago this very
thing (racism, the fight for equality) sparked such a move-ment
that still goes on today. Some called this event the
beginning of the “Second Civil Rights Movement” - the
question is, though, whether the first one ever ended?
(Near right) This old woman has undoubtedly seen this
sort of movement before. Her sign says “Gray Panthers
Oppose Racist Courts.” Her support was more meaning-ful
than a thousand signs. Here she was, barely able to
hold her own sign, but out to show her support - to take
action. She was an inspiring picture of love at its greates.
(Below right) I felt like this slogan perfectly summe dup
why I went to D.C. in the first place. I used to stand in
ignorant opposition of affirmative action, but then I was
called to stand back and really look objectively at our
society. - How different
would it look if we had
not made the efforts to
integrate, not that I fully
support the ideas of
quota, but this is real life
- I mean, racism exists,
what are we dgoing to do
to fight it?
Photos courtesy Jennifer Ryan
April 1, 2003, Washington, D.C.
North Park students have
always felt right at
home when shopping at
IKEA, but in a recent expose,
it has been discovered that
some students really are visit-ing
home when they take a trip
to the Swedish furniture
superstore. At a recent SSA
meeting, Sven Svenstrom re-cently
burst out “I’ve never
been to Sweden! You’re all
being lied to!”
That’s right, folks. It ap-pears
the annual Swedish Ex-change
Program doesn’t actu-ally
send students to Sweden.
It’s a heinous guise that Charles
Peterson and the IKEA corpo-ration
have been using to ex-tract
cheap labor from honest
American college students. For
years, students have been blind-folded,
put into a van, and then
driven to IKEA. After show-ing
them a few slides of “the
motherland,” it’s off to work
they go, creating all those cheap
items North Parkers fill their
dorm rooms with. (And you
thought Kathie Lee was the
only one with sweatshop
troubles…) Working eleven
hours a day in a dusty back
room, the students do menial
tasks while the propagandist
music of ABBA and Ace of
Base is pumped through loud
speakers.
While this might puzzle
many North Parkers who loy-ally
wrote roommates and
friends “over there,” they are
not alone in their confusion.
Some students that have been
on the trip are also scratching
their heads. “What?! We didn’t
go to Sweden? I thought it was
just all part of the experience.
Besides, the room we were in
was painted a cheery blue and
yellow,” exclaimed Ingrid
Kampradsson.
One might wonder how
Page 7 WORLD EVENTS
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
The Swede Truth
friday- all day musical - all communication banned
unless in the form of song
saturday- chamber singers concert with opening act by U2 - 7 pm
sunday- college life 7 pm : Is God my Neighbor? followed by a
routine sacrifice; all campus dinner in ara - smorgasbord
6 pm
monday- self-centered, materialistic, capitalism week
tuesday- bedside baptist heathen’s chapel:
Pastor Pillow speaking 10 am
wednesday - mud wrestling @ 8 pm construction site -
take advantage of your resources
thursday- naked thursday dress accordingly -
please direct all questions to jon jenkins
Schedule for the Week
Picture Courtesy Moses and Luis
the secret has been kept under
wraps for so long. However,
the answer is quite simple.
Sweden is known for their
Absolut Vodka. A little Absolut
will go a long way in keeping
exchange students quiet! These
students consider Sweden a
foggy memory. The stories that
they were brought up with -
dalahorses, fika, systems
bolaget, and Bjorn Borg - now
exist as some ultimate reality.
North Parkers can still
take heart. With all of the
money North Park gleans from
the exchange students’ small
IKEA wages and the extra
money unsuspecting parents
kick in for souvenirs and field
trips, North Park tuition will
only go up 10% next year.
Next week, an investiga-tion
about Morelia, Mexico,
students moonlighting as Taco
Bell employees.
HAWMPS!
Film is based on a true incident of using camels
instead of horses in the Calvary. Touching moments
arise when Congress sets the camels free to fend
for themselves. Also includes the short film “Benji’s
Life story.”
Puma Man
Professor Tony Farms discovers that he is really
Puma Man, a superhero who is descended from the
gods. Together with an Aztec priest, they try to
thwart the plans of Kobras, who is in possession of
the sacred puma mask, and plans to hypnotize gov-ernment
leaders with it and take over the world.
Puma Man spends most of the movie flying awk-wardly
and jumping around, leaving the Aztec priest
to perform all the physically demanding tasks.
Rocky LXIX
Rocky, now confined to a wheel chair from repeated
blows to the head, has gotten deep into the dark
world of geriatric boxing. The underground com-petitions
have become a mainstay of nursing home
life and Rocky has taken it upon himself to coach
many of the old-timers. His best fighter, Wallace
(Sean Connery), has the spit and vigor of a new
fighter but his wild ways are becoming a bit too
much for Rocky. Connery is the strongest charac-ter
in this film, bringing life to Wallace as a bed-hopping,
Scotch guzzling geriatric. Rocky must
learn to tame Wallace and hone his skills for the
biggest fight of the year against Sunny Field Nurs-ing
Home’s top fighter, Manfred. Constantly con-cerned
with the possibility of police raids and bring-ing
home the bacon, Rocky and Adrienne face their
toughest times yet.
The Necklace
Sequel to “The Ring.” Japanese spiritual influence
is thrown out the window in this harrowing tale of
a woman who unwittingly purchases fake jewelry,
only to discover a mysterious green ring around her
neck. Her bizarre young son reacts to the horror in
drawings and pictures of grass, limes, shamrocks,
and boogers. And you thought 7 days to live was a
bad omen!
Harry Potter Goes Incred-ibly
Ballistic When Draco
Malfoy Breaks His Glasses
All hell breaks loose when Draco smashes Harry’s
new glasses in a jealous rage. The plot thickens
when Master Potter is commissioned by Professor
Dumbledore to defend witchcraft to a horde of an-gry
overprotective mothers. Also of interest- Harry
and Hermione duke it out over who gets to use the
all new “Harry Potter Nimbus 2000,” a vibrating
toy broomstick, in a fantastic 15 minute action se-quence.
Gary
In a flashy, burlesque cinematic venture by the
Farrely Brothers, two steel mill workers, Shaggy
and Skeeter (played by Matt Damon and Ben Lopez
(er, Affleck)), aspire to climb the
industrial ladder to Employee of the
Month status. Along the way, how-ever,
they encounter hurdles in the
form of an overweight and overbear-ing
factory boss (played by
Roseanne Barr), an unfaithful wife
(played by Roma Downey), and a
slew of other characters with their
own problems. The highlight of the
film is a rousing musical number
featuring Shaggy and Skeeter leap-ing
from assembly line to assembly
line with Astaire-like flair, “All That
Smog.” This film hopes to follow
the Academy Award-Winning suc-cess
of its sister musical, “Chicago.”
My Big Fat Greek
Wedding Planner
Starring Pete Rose in his most believable role yet.
Trite dramatic irony follows Larry (Mekhi Pfeiffer)
and Shakira (Lucy Liu), as they enlist the help of
Apollolopolous (Rose) to plan their wedding. The
only trouble is, the couple is intent on living out
the cinematic hit of the summer of 2002, “My Big
Fat Greek Wedding,” no matter what- even if that
means murder!
The
Neverendingandwemeanitthisserieswilllastforever
Story LL
Bastian brings several of his friends from Fantasia
to the human world to help him and his new step-sister
in their fight against “The Nasties,” who have
stolen The Neverending Story book and are threat-ening
to destroy Fantasia. Again. You would think
Bastian would learn by now to keep his feet
grounded and his head out of the clouds – AND out
of books.
Star Wars: Over-Hyped
Third in a trilogy of prequels to the original Star
Wars trilogy, this movie features a sexier, freshly-oiled
R2-D2. Though the media virtually ignores
the Star Wars films, the few existing fans might
enjoy the newest scenes in which Rev. Jesse Jack-son
cameos to free the Ewoks from captivity, or the
scene when the Millennium Falcon hits an iceberg.
Sources also say a lot of money went into giving
Yoda an extremely realistic-looking rash.
Octofemme
8 movements in women’s rights, each single-handedly
brought about by the effect of James Bond
movies in popular culture. In this tribute to Femi-nism,
Bond’s mission is to replace dignity to fe-males
all the way around the globe. The token Bond
vixen is played by Cameron Manheim, and featur-ing
Gloria Steinem as Bond’s nemesis (or is she?),
“Octofemme.” Latest 007 gadget: radical waffle
iron.
New Releases Headed Your Way!
(Left) This picture, taken from a security camera inside the Ikea premises, was obtained by U.S.
Special Forces during the historic “Ikea Bust” last October. Now that the cheap American labor
ploy has been uncovered, Ikea is uncertain how it will continue to provide its durable goods at
its famed low prices. “Perhaps we will consider an overseas market,” Executive Anne Sathers
said. “The benefits costs are more expensive overseas, but we’ll get by somehow.”
T
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I
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•Rocky Pain
Master of all Doom and Destruction
In a stunning and unprecedented move, NCAA presi
dent Myles Brand announced that the Kansas and
Arizona men’s basketball teams – who split their
regular season and tournament games this year – would
meet next week to play a third and decisive game. The
winner of this game advances to the Final Four, where
Marquette awaits.
“Based upon Arizona’s convincing win over Kan-sas
on January 25th, along with their strong RPI, the
NCAA executive committee feels that the fairest solu-tion
in this situation is to simply play a third and decid-ing
game,” Brand said in a press conference at NCAA
headquarters in Indianapolis. “Essentially this is noth-ing
more than your good old-fashioned rematch.”
Jim Livengood, chairman of the tournament se-lection
committee, agreed with the decision, saying,
“The regional final between Arizona and Kansas should
have never taken place. I was pushing to make IUPUI
the #2 seed in that regional.” Livengood is also the
Athletic Director at the University of Arizona.
Bill Walton, father of Arizona forward Luke
Walton, was another who sided with Brand. “It was a
TERR-ible decision to put Arizona, Duke, and Kansas
in the same regional. The last time I was this upset was
when the Grateful Dead broke up” he told the North
Park Press. “FOR-tunately, the NCAA could ad-MIT
their mis-TAKE and let the kids play again.”
Not all reactions to the announcement were posi-tive,
however. Cincinnati coach Bob Huggins, recov-ering
from his 8th heart attack after being ejected in his
team’s opening round loss, told reporters, “After the
&$#!@ officiating in our game, it is an absolute $%@#
travesty that this is the only $#@!& rematch in the tour-nament.”
Additionally, Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight,
while refusing to comment on this specific situation,
holds the position that Brand is a “complete idiot” who
has, according to Knight, “rocks for brains.”
A win by Arizona in this third game would give
senior point guard Jason Gardner the team record for
most wins. A Kansas win, however, would put coach
Roy Williams just two wins away from his first national
title. The NCAA plans to announce the date and loca-tion
of the game at a press conference later today.
Kansas, Arizona to play
best-out-of-three, NCAA
announces •Frodo
Gandalf’s not pushing this Hobbit
around
March 31 marked the
starting date of the
Caucasian Invasion +
1 Asian’s, better
known to their
fans as the CIA,
spring training.
After a rather
lengthy off sea-son
the two time
champion IM
f o o t b a l l
woman’s team is
ready to get back
to work. The
team was the
brainchild of
captains, Jessica
“ M o p h e a d ”
Palmberg and
Carissa “Spike”
Esmon, two
years ago. Their
goal was a
simple but ambi-tious
one: to
form a football
dynasty at North
Park. Recogniz-ing
the inability of other North
Park teams to achieve the in-tense
level of perfection that
Palmberg and Esmon see as a
very real possibility, the
women decided to take it into
their own hands and show this
campus how football is done.
Once they formed their
objective they began actively
recruiting teammates. Rigor-ous
tryouts ensued, Palmberg
and Esmon were set on having
the toughest team to date. The
tryouts included cleaning out
the co-captain’s rooms, scaling
Carlson, and racing the rats in
the North Branch. All the
wusses, pansies, and wimps
were carefully weeded out and
the CIA became a team.
North Park football dynasty
takes to the field again
•Bullwinkle
Has anyone seen Squirrel?
Experts gained a new perspec-tive
Thursday in their attempts
to solving the greatest sports
dispute to date. For centuries
Minnesotans have been cling-ing
to “Duck, Duck, Grey
Duck” as the correct title of the
much loved children’s game.
While the rest of America pon-ders
why these Northerners
would take such a preposterous
stance, defiling their much
What about a
Norwegian duck?
loved game “Duck, Duck,
Goose”, experts have been
working nights and late after-noons
seeking the correct title.
The scientists have found that
the Minnesotan method is in
fact the superior method. “Just
look at all the possibilities,”
team leader Dr. Nimbus told the
North Park Press, “You can foil
other players just by simply
shouting Yellow Duck, Maroon
Duck, or even Chartreuse
Duck!”
Due to a rather unfortunate incident
involving a washing machine and a
garden hoe we regret to inform you
that we will not be running any
Ultimate Frisbee articles this week.
•Matt Thulson
All around good guy
It was my pure fortune and
pleasure to witness a game
of such determination, grit
and muscle as I have never
seen. When my good friends
Steve Linde and Andrew Coo-per
pulled out their cribbage
game from the shelf, inviting
me to watch, my inclinations
were all skeptical. I was sure
this game would put me to
sleep and I can imagine you
might be tempted to think like-wise.
But think no further!
From the very beginning
I found myself drawn in com-pletely.
Every nervous flip of
the cards, every peg that moved
its respective position was un-deniably
nerve-wrecking. Coo-per,
the rookie, showed to be a
quick study and jumped out
early on a fine pair of Aces. The
veteran Linde roared back in a
stunning display of physical
and mental concentration. Ever
closer, the pegs were coming to
the finish. I found myself al-most
out of my seat, drenched
in sweat from head to toe. Who
was it going to be? The master
or the apprentice? The thicken-ing
tension was such that it
could be sliced through with a
chainsaw. I watched as cards
flew, words of profanity ex-changed
and in one stunning
Cribbage, the real American
sport
and excruciating climax, I saw
Cooper make his move and put
the peg to rest on the finish line.
I cheered, I clapped, screamed
and cried.
Altogether brilliant, I
could never do cribbage the
justice it deserves by describ-ing
it on paper. A truly mar-velous
sight, I would recom-mend
everyone to watch it, and
if you are so bold and brave, to
play it.
Team members during their spring training on Mon-day,
playing everyone’s favorite “Tackle the Cap-tains”.
NP Press Photo\Carmen Sandiego
Now as the team prepares
for their third season members
reflect fondly upon their past
two championships as “the de-fining
moments of their college
careers”. Their first day of
spring training was a demand-ing
one. The captains
ran the team through
a special obstacle
course, designed by
University Ministries
extraordinare Paul
Johnson. After their
vigorous run though
the construction zone
the team went off to
find the North Park
football team to taunt
them during their
training. The practice
ended with an intense
game of Ultimate
Frisbee.
One team
member says that
playing for the CIA
has been the best ex-perience
of her life.
“Not only have I
achieved a level of
physical fitness that I
had only dreamed
about, but I feel as though I
have become a better person. I
believe our team is very repre-sentative
of the spirit of the
North Park campus with our go
get ‘em, agressive Viking atti-tudes.”
10. Tetherball
9. 4-man luge
8. Kite flying
7. Bocce ball
6. Bulldozer rugby
Top 10 Sports To Master This Spring
And the #1 sport to
master this Spring:
1. Prospective dodging
5. Rollerball
4. Urban Biatholon
3. Fence leaping
2. Curling
Cooper (on the left) and Linde sweat it out over an intense Crib-bage
game.
NP Press Photo\Your Mom
Page 8 SPORTS?
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park

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F.M. Johnson Archives and Special Collections at North Park University, Chicago, Illinois -- All Rights Reserved. For permission to reproduce, distribute, or otherwise use this publication please email archives@northpark.edu.

NORTH PARKER Volume 01, Issue 01 ~ Friday, 04 April 2003
the
EXPOSED!!!
Construction actually
conspiracy to dig really big hole
NPU Renounces
Dry Status
AP – What was once thought
to be a Campus-wide
improvement plan
has been revealed to be a cover-up
for the self-indulgences of
principal organizer Paul
Johnson.
Tuesday night, when Se-curity
Guard Harry Tannehill
was doing a routine inspection
of the worksite, he discovered
Johnson and mistakenly iden-tified
him as a VonSteuban stu-dent
wrecking havoc. When
Tannehill approached, Johnson
turned to flee but was appre-hended
when he accidentally
fell into the hole.
“It had been a life-long
dream of Paul’s to break a
record in the Guinness book or
whatever,” said Jon Jenkins, a
member of a group Johnson
had led. “I think this was just
the latest plan to do so.”
Indeed, on the night of
his capture, the Guard was
about to apologize to Johnson
for the mistaken arrest when he
noticed Johnson holding a
shovel behind his back. “He
had this maniacal gleam in his
eyes. You could tell he had pan-icked
and wasn’t thinking
clearly,” Tannehill said. He be-gan
to run and Tannehill was
forced to fire several shots,
which apparently caused
Johnson’s fall.
After hearing the gun-shots,
a crowd of North Parkers
gathered, giving Johnson a
chance to escape; he has not
been seen since the incident.
Andrew Freeman, an-other
member of the group, had
expressed concern prior to
Johnson’s snap. “By the time I
met him, it had become a fixa-tion
of his, almost an obsession.
He had ripped out pages from
the World Record Book and
pasted them all over his office.
It was kind of freaky.”
“This is no surprise to
me- Paul’s tried to break all
kinds of records,” Jon Ecker
said, “tried and failed miser-ably.
It’s just not his thing.”
Johnson has attempted to set all
sorts of new records including
blowing the biggest bubble,
having the loudest Yodel and
being the fattest American,
which he quit after maxing out
at 90 kg.
Since Johnson’s disap-pearance,
a small group of de-voted
Paul Johnson fans have
taken up where he left off-eluding
officers and security
guards, this band of rebels has
successfully added at least, ac-cording
to an eyewitness, “six
or seven inches” to the hole.
“It’s really coming along,” the
source said.
Suspected Tapeworm
Epidemic Scare
Alleviated
Canada to attack
United States
North Park President David Horner announced Wednesday
that North Park would be dropping its alcohol ban in or
der to “better serve the needs of students and the diver-sity
of belief on this campus.” Horner believes that by lifting the
ancient prohibition of liquor, the University will attract more
non-Christian students and “force us to witness by our character
not just petty separators.” He predicts the move will decrease
hypocrisy by “at least threefold.”
Health Services workers have finally gotten to the bottom
of the suspected “incredibly fatal and contagious” tape
worm plague. For the past three weeks, North Park stu-dents
have been losing ridiculously large amounts of weight and
experts had little hope but that it was the work of a “malicious
tapeworm epidemic of mammoth proportions.” Instead, they have
been relieved to find that the problem is actually the result of the
increased walk to class and the resulting caloric loss from the
sheer distance from the dorms to Carlson.
Bush Pauses to
Consider Other Side
Today in Washington: During a brief emergency meeting
today, politicians temporarily paused as President Bush
posed the question “Do you think we should examine the
reasons behind their actions instead of just the actions them-selves?”
Silence ensued for no more than three seconds when
the politicians erupted into laughter. “We all had a good laugh
about it. I mean, what are we supposed to do? We don’t have
time for history,” said Jesse Ventura. Bush later apologized for
his remark.
In a U.S. Security breakthrough, the decoding of a secret mes
sage transmitted from Canadian forces has informed the Se
cret Service of a potential threat to the U.S. by its Northern
neighbor. Possible sources of attack were listed as the U.S.
Maple Syrup supply and a “moose-on-moose free for all.” Ex-perts
are still attempting to interpret the latter.
HAVE YOU SEEN
DANIEL’S HAIR?!?
A strange episode of spontaneous hair loss has been re
ported on North Park’s campus. A never-before-seen-or-heard-
of allergic reaction to the increased presence of
metal on campus has caused one senior to lose a large amount
of his hair, leaving him with an old-man, racing-striped mullet.
The student, who couldn’t be reached for comment, is said to
blame this reaction to the continued presence of construction
equipment.
Members of the mysterious “Midnight Digging Crew” pick up where their leader
Paul Johnson left off. The Crew pledged to continue their “Quest to fulfill a Dream
Deferred,” until Johnson returns or the hole surpasses the current record which,
Dave Lymburner says “we’re not really sure what the record is, but when we reach
it, I think we’ll know.”
picture courtesy of The Paul Johnson Foundation
Alert: This Paper is now edible
Friday, 04 April 2003 GUESS WHAT Press Page 2 North Park
What is your favorite color?
CUPOLA
CONVERSATION Dear Dr. Myers,
I am getting married this sum-mer.
I love my fiancé, but I
would like to invite my ex-boy-friend
to the wedding. We are
on speaking terms, but I don’t
know if my fiancé is okay with
Ask Dr.
M y e r s
Every morning I wake up
and look in the mirror
and say to myself,
“You’re gonna make it. You’re
gonna be the best American
biathlete since Rube Salsbury
took the Olympic gold back in
’37.” I feel like the biathlon is
the most underappreciated
sport in the world today. What
sport contains so much real life
application? The biathlon – for
those who don’t know – com-bines
the very necessary skills
of cross-country skiing and
stationary target shooting (on
skis). The Salsbury dynasty in
place in the early 1900’s was
perhaps the greatest single-sport
father-son-son-
(great)nephew chain of cham-pions
in recent history.
Abraham Salsbury grew up in
19th century Florida, and he
learned to shoot at an early age.
His father owned a fur-trading
post, and it was young Abe’s
job to kill any vermin attempt-ing
to mark its territory on the
stored pelts. That was the be-ginning
of a long line of dead-eye
kids (Abe and the rest of
his line actually have one dead
eye).
Abe’s son, Absalom, was
the typical red-headed un-wanted
child. But he redeemed
himself by shooing thirty-seven
cans off of a fence post
under the forty second mark.
After a feat of this caliber (get
it? Caliber?) How could a
family look down on their son?
They couldn’t.
And that’s how things
went for me. I got 30 cans un-der
the forty mark, and my par-ents
couldn’t have been
prouder. I remember it like it
was yesterday, and now I’m fi-nally
starting to get some rec-ognition.
I got the key to my
city, and now there are a lot of
guys on campus that want to
learn the sport from me. Not
to mention the ladies a biathlete
gets. Believe you me, once
women see your skiing/shoot-ing
skills, they can’t pass you
up. So sign up for the NP
Biathlon team. We’re gonna be
good—we’re all Swedish for
crying out loud! Unfotunately
for me, I won’t be able to pass
my biathlon skills onto a son
due to an unfortunate
biathloning accident (details of
which do not need to be dis-cussed).
I am forced to wait for
a nephew or maybe even a
niece to become the next Rube
Salsbury. Could it be you?
My life as a Biathelete
that. What should I do? Also, I am trying to quit smoking. Any
tips? I am in the second term of an unwanted pregnancy and am
wondering how to deal with this. My best friend was just diag-nosed
with cancer, and I was just awarded with one thousand
dollars to donate to the charity of my choosing. Help.
Sincerely,
Overloaded
Dear Overloaded,
D@mmit Jim, I’m a doctor not a butterfly.
Yours truly,
Dr. Myers
Frisbee playing SM
looking for preppie,
sociable SF. Must love
summers at camp and a
constant supply of water
(preferably 32 ounces or
more). Scandinavian
Heritage a plus.
SF seeking companion
for smoking and con-versation
outside Burgh
Hall. Must love strongly
odored cigars standing in
front of doors and imped-ing
foot traffic.
SF seeking basketball-loving,
fanatically
spirited SM, preferably
with cross-dressing ten-dencies
and a penchant
to occupy front row dur-ing
Viking games. Looks
not important, lack of
fashion sense appealing.
Toad suits and large
shoes a plus. Only loud
voices need apply.
Wannabe Cheer
leader seeking
Football Player. Actual
skills a plus but by no
means necessary.
TM seeking SF- bored.
Lonely Newspaper Em-ployee
searching
(desperately) for SM who
loves Cockfights, Clog-ging,
Death-Cage
matches, rollerball and
hidden piercings. Quak-ers
only need apply.
SM seeking T(taken)F-enjoys
a challenge.
Singles
seeking...
I think it’s
lopsided
Medium
I tell her I love her- I
don’t know what else to
do, it’s not like I can be
with her every minute.
She has to learn to trust
me.
It’s just better in small
amounts, you know?
70%, huh?
•Barbie and Bambi
The communica
tions department
announced Friday that
they have offered the position
of communications professor to
established media professional/
womanizer, Hugh Hefner.
“I think he will be a bang-up
addition to our staff,” said
full-time communications pro-
Communications Department to get a “Hefty” addition
fessor Victoria Nelson. She
contacted Hefner after stum-bling
across his famous publi-cation
while cleaning her teen-age
boys’ bedroom. “My sons
say the articles are really
good.”
Hefner was hired with a
new interdisciplinary major in
mind. Administrators plan to
offer a new communications/
women’s studies program.
Classes such as “Blondes, Bru-nettes,
and Redheads;”
“Breasts: more than just big
glands”; and “The Art of Per-suasive
Seduction,” are slated
to be on Hefner’s roster for next
year.
The negotiation process
with celebrity Hefner was one
of the most difficult the Uni-versity
has ever seen “Decid-ing
that we wanted him was
easy; the hard part was entic-ing
him,” said Communica-tions
Department Head Robert
Hostetter with a wink and a
nudge. Among his demands
were: a private office, complete
with a grotto, and walk-in robe
closet; to turn North Park into
a women’s only college; a
harem of naughty freshman
T.A’s.
Despite the praises of the
Communications Department,
not everyone on campus is
pleased with this new addition
to the faculty. “When Ani
diFranco and the Indigo Girls
find out about this, there will
be hell to pay,” said Kris Butch
02’.
SM seeking SM or SF to
enjoy late and wild
nights together. Must love
Scrabble, Dungeons and
Dragons and Star Trek. Mac
and TI86 a plus.
Coloring Contest!!
Winner receives
a free trip to
Sweden!
Send Submissions
to P.O. box 1947
PNroerths Pasrk
North Park University’s Student Newspaper
Volume 83, Issue 19 ~ Friday, 04 April 2003
http://campus.northpark.edu/sa/press/press.htm
Spring play opens
Grady Gillan, Kim Hamilton, and John Potter star in this year’s
Spring Play, The Diviners. The Play will make its second ap-pearance
tonight, and will return next Thursday and Friday (April
11 &12). All showings are in LHA at 8:00 p.m.
NP PRESS PHOTO\ Beth Allina
Scenes from the fight
• Jennifer Ryan
& Megan Gilmore
On Monday, March 31,
48 North Park students
joined other students
and citizens of Chicago in the
journey to Wash
ington, D.C. to partici-pate
in the fight for affirmative
action. Tuesday morning the
Supreme Court began hearing
a case that could overturn all
affirmative action laws, stem-ming
from two civil cases
against the University of
Michigan. That morning nearly
7,000 people gathered outside
the Court building in what
some have called “The Second
March on Washington,” or the
beginning of the “Second Civil
Rights Movement.”
Jennifer Ryan, an NPU
sophomore, was a part of that
journey, and captured the ex-perience
on film. These are her
pictures and reflections.
Photos courtesy Jennifer Ryan
April 1, 2003, Washington, D.C.
(Right) The call for action reiteratted time and again by
the speakers continued to fall on the young generation.
This fight for true social equality will not be realized as
quickly as this court case will be over. Regardless of the
outcome, this little girl stood as a reminder to me that as
much as I thought we were all equal, words are just
words... it takes conscious action to realize this diver-sity
everyone is always talking about.
(Below) We passed this while en route to the Lincoln Me-morial.
I found it rather ironic that this sign, stating the
security of our equal liberties, should have been hung
by the very government now accused of supporting the
opposite. I wonder if they every thought their clever little
catchphrase would stand as a contradiction in the midst
of conflict in our great society...
(more on page 6)
•Darrell Gustafson
It is Wednesday as I write
this article, and I have not
showered since Monday.
I’ve been on a bus over twenty-four
hours since then (two bed-less
nights), and traveled with
48 North Parkers to join tens
of thousands of people in a
march on Washington DC. On
Tuesday, the Supreme Court
heard two cases filed against
the University of Michigan’s
affirmative action policies,
charging that they are racially
discriminating, and that affir-mative
action should be abol-ished.
About 50,000 of us cared
enough to show that we dis-agreed
in one of the largest
demonstrations ever at the steps
of the Supreme Court.
There was a feeling that
this could be the start of a new
civil rights movement—a
mixed feeling, as it combined
feelings of anger at the systems
in our nation that continue to
oppress and discriminate, and
feelings of hope that our voices
could make a difference.
Chantay Washington, who or-ganized
the trip and founded
our campus branch of the
NAACP, said, “For North Park
students of color and those who
are truly dedicated to demolish-ing
the status quo, the march on
Washington was one of many
steps toward realizing the at-tainable
goal of racial justice.”
Although I left the march
feeling energized, I returned to
feeling frustrated by what I see
around me. It disappoints me
that George Bush ignorantly
called the University of Michi-gan
admissions policies “a
quota system”, which is com-pletely
untrue and would be il-legal
under current law. It an-gers
me that he would do that
on Martin Luther King Junior’s
birthday, effectively thumbing
his nose at what Martin stood
for. It upsets me that North
Park, while claiming to support
diversity, was not willing to al-low
students to use North Park
vehicles to travel to Washing-ton
to stand for justice and
equality. I get really disap-pointed
and afraid and frus-trated
when I see this country
so close to regressing to legiti-mize
segregation and discrimi-nation.
But what really makes
me mad is that many of you
who are reading this, some of
you friends whom I otherwise
respect, really do not seem to
care.
New SA president
Katelyn Johnson believes that
much of the inaction is due to
insecurity and ignorance about
social issues. “We need to have
a passionate craving to create
equality, unity, and uphold free-dom
by any means necessary,”
she stated. Katelyn’s vice presi-dent,
Katie Rose, agreed, add-ing
that affirmative action is an
important but “miniscule at-tempt
at rectifying the injus-tices
[of] this country.”
A lot of white people op-pose
affirmative action because
they feel it punishes them for
being white. Affirmative action
is not “reverse racism”—it
does not discriminate against
white people, but it does take
away the privilege that we are
used to having. Because racism
is not just a problem of preju-diced
individuals, but of a
flawed society that favors white
people while oppressing people
of color, affirmative action is
necessary—the only systematic
remedy to the systematic prob-lem
of racism.
The march on Washing-ton
was good, but the work is
not over. Jessyee Blair said that
although the trip was a great ex-
A march for reality
perience, she came back angry:
“Angry that in the year 2003,
instead of taking steps forward,
our nation is trying to take steps
back, back into Jim Crow, back
into separation. The extreme
level of ignorance people have
in their hearts always amazes
me…and that is something I
refuse to get used to.”
This banner
was one of
many that
hung in
support of
affirmative
action on
Tuesday as
crowds
gathered in
Washing-Photo
courtesy Jennifer Ryan ton.
North Park Press
Editor-in-Chief: Susannah Bagaas
Sports Editor: Carissa Esmon
Pulse Editor: Sarah Miller
Pulse Layout: Emily Manning
Layout Editor: Megan Gilmore
Random Task Person: Janine Quindt
Copyeditors: Josh Myers,
Sheri Hendrickson
Photographers: Carissa Esmon
Business Manager: Amanda Hasse
Advisor: David Wilson
Phone: (773) 244-5618
Fax: (773) 244-5551 3225 W. Foster Ave. Box 10
NP-Press@northpark.edu Chicago, IL 60625
THE SERIOUS SIDE Page 4
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
We believe that Affirmative Action is a modest attempt
to correct structured segregation in higher educa
tion. It allows for persons historically excluded to
gain some admission in these institutions. By so doing people
are equipped for leadership in their community and the en-tire
academy benefits because of the environment of vigorous
exchanges from various viewpoints. It also seems consistent
with the vision of the “Beloved Community” Dr. Martin Luther
King, Jr. spoke about.
We submitted the following letter to North Park’s ex-ecutive
cabinet on Wednesday March 26. There has been no
response, therefore we are making the letter available to the
wider North Park community to foster community-wide dia-logue
around cultural diversity and justice.
March 26, 2003
To Dr. David Horner and the
members of the Executive
Cabinet of North Park Univer-sity:
On April 1st, 2003, the
United States Supreme Court
will be hearing two cases in-volving
the University of
Michigan’s affirmative action
policies. The future of institu-tionalized
racism within our
country’s educational system is
at stake. As the judges of the
highest court in our land delib-erate
and determine what jus-tice
looks like in these two situ-ations,
thousands of students
and people of all age, race, and
religion, who understand the
enormous implications of the
court’s decision, are planning to
participate in a march on Wash-ington
in support of affirmative
action.
As members of one of the
Diversity Task Force Sub-
Committees, created to help
our institution realize North
Park’s Multicultural Vision, we
understand that part of our re-sponsibility
is to bring critical
issues of diversity to the atten-tion
of the administration of
this school. In fulfilling this
duty, our goal is to give special
attention to current and timely
issues that provide an opportu-nity
to make progress towards
becoming a “Stage 4—Anti-
Racist Institution,” as approved
and set forth by our Board of
Trustees in the October 2002
Multicultural Vision Statement.
We believe that one such issue
is the request for institutional
support for students who wish
to participate in the April 1st
march on Washington to sup-port
affirmative action.
It is our understanding
that the Executive Cabinet has
considered this request, but de-cided
that it is not in the best
interest of the school, nor is it
compatible with North Park’s
policies, to provide institutional
resources to support this activ-ity.
We understand that the spe-cific
concerns involve: 1)
North Park’s unique legal and
educational non-profit (501c3)
status that prohibits the use of
institutional resources to sup-port
partisan positions, and 2)
ensuring an environment in
which political issues are ad-dressed
fairly and specific
opinions are not favored.
In response to the first
concern of our school’s 501c3
status, a reputable lawyer we
contacted explained that “po-litical
involvement” is legal,
even for non-profit organiza-tions
such as North Park, pro-viding
that it does not consti-tute
a major portion of its ac-tivities.
In other words, an in-stitution
such as ours could not
set aside the majority of their
resources to support a political
movement or issue. Obviously,
this is not what is being asked
of the school in this situation—
and therefore we do not under-stand
this explanation. In ad-dition,
we have found that other
Christian-affiliated universities
and churches with the 501c3
status are supporting this effort.
After hearing the students’ case
in favor of participating in the
April 1st march, the President
of DePaul University chose to
financially support this cause
with $2000 of the school’s
funds to help cover the event
and transportation costs. Also,
Chicago’s Saint Sabina Church
has rented a bus and is taking
members of the community to
Washington for the march. If
North Park has some unique
legal status that distinguishes it
from these other 501c3 organi-zations,
we need further expla-nation
from the cabinet mem-bers
to fully understand this
reasoning.
In terms of affirmative
action being a political/partisan
issue—this is a reality we can-not
deny. However, we chal-lenge
you to consider that af-firmative
action is first and
foremost an issue of social jus-tice.
In the Evangelical Cov-enant
Church’s 1962 resolu-tions
on the subject of racial
justice, we find that, “every
Covenanter should help to
bring about public understand-ing
of the fact that integration,
the law of the land, means equal
rights of full citizenship, in-cluding
the ballot and public
education, as well as equal ac-cess
to public facilities regard-less
of race.”1 And then in
1965, another resolution was
passed stating that, “we all
pledge ourselves to a stricter
adherence to our resolutions,
assuming the initiative in inte-grating
both our urban and ru-ral
congregations and their
staffs, the facilities and student
bodies of our schools and the
employees and residents of out
institutions…”2 Evidence
clearly shows that overturning
affirmative action does not lead
to integration, but rather di-rectly
moves an institution to-wards
resegregation. For ex-ample,
UC Berkeley admitted
61% fewer minorities in 1998-
the year the state of California
first implemented its ban on
affirmative action. Results
were similar at UC-San Diego,
UC-Berkeley Law School,
University of Texas and Uni-versity
of Texas Law School.3
In light of our 1962 and 1965
resolutions, which clearly show
the denomination’s commit-ment
to programs of integration
in public as well as Covenant
institutions (i.e. North Park
University), it is inconsistent to
consider affirmative action as
simply another political or par-tisan
issue, rather than the ra-cial
and social justice issue that
it truly is.
Furthermore, we as a
committee view your current
response to this issue as dam-aging
and undermining to the
purposes and goals clearly ex-pressed
in the Multicultural
Vision Statement of our school.
This statement, in alignment
with the preamble to the con-stitution
of the Evangelical
Covenant Church states, “We
are committed to reaching
across boundaries of race,
ethnicity, culture, gender, age,
and status in the cultivation of
communities of life and ser-vice.”
4 The Diversity Task
Force Position Statement as-serts
that North Park,“can be
seen as ‘passive’ on these ques-tions
or only changed in ‘sym-
Letter to the Executive Cabinet
Opinions presented here are not necessarily those of North Park or the North Park Press.
continued on page 5
Chicago Latino Film Festival
Log onto
latinoculturalcenter.org for all
the movie titles and sched-ules.
Fabulous films from all
over Latin America, the USA,
and even Europe. Not to be
missed!
Brew & View
8pm “Punch-Drunk Love”
10pm “Just Married”
12am “Punch-Drunk Love”
The Brew & View is located at
3145 N. Sheffield, just west of
the Belmont stop. $5 for all
movies and a rowdy crowd.
Remember, 21 to brew, 18 to
view. Make sure to bring
government ID!
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
See Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Chicago Cubs
Home opener today! Tickets
are sold out but there are still
seats available for games
starting April 9th. The lovable
Cubbies are in town ‘til the
17th. Log onto cubs.com.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Beau Travail
FREE screening at the
Alliance Francaise tonight at
7:15pm. Get there early for
good seats. The show is 90
minutes and followed by a
discussion. 54 W. Chicago,
Red Line to Chicago. Head
down early to McCormick &
Schmick’s to take advantage
of their $1.95 menu from
3:30pm to 6pm at 41 E.
Chestnut, just up the street
from AF.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
Chicago Latino Film Festival
See Friday Listing.
Brew & View
No Midnight Showing. See
Friday Listing.
PULSE CALENDAR
4/5 saturday
4/4 friday
4/6 sunday
4/8 tuesday
4/9 wednesday
2/13 thursday
4/7 monday
Friday, April 4 Saturday, April 5 Sunday, April 6 Monday, April 7
12 p.m. - Baseball @ Elmhurst
1:00 p.m. - Softball vs. Illinois Wesleyn
7:00 p.m. - College Life, Anderson Chapel
12 p.m. - Baseball vs. Elmhurst
1 p.m. - Softball vs. Elmhurst
8:00 p.m. - Spring Play
4:30 - 6:00 p.m. - “A Candle in the Wind” 9 p.m.- Fellowship of Christian Athletes
- The life, dream, vision of Dr. Martin
Luther King, Jr.
8:00 p.m. - Spring Play “The Diviners”
worshiping community here at
North Park.
In an effort to live out the
value of diversity in what we
do at Chapel, we are on a jour-ney
to give expression to the to
the many voices at our school.
As one of the team members
responsible for the planning of
these services, I can say that
this is both a challenge and an
adventure. Last semester we
intentionally incorporated
more of the gospel style of
music into many our services,
and as a result, the November
19th service that was planned in
collaboration with Rollo
Page 5 THE SERIOUS SIDE
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
Ravenswood Covenant Church
4900 N. Damen Ave. 784.7091 www.ravenscov.org
Sunday Schedule:
9:30 a.m. Education & Ministry
10:45 Worship & Fellowship
Ministries:
Ravenswook Community Child Care Center
AWANA and SUmmer Day Camp for children
Wednesday Night Basketball Outreach
Wednesday Night Prayer Meeting
English Classes for adults
Seniors Program
Staff:
Pastors: Bryan Kletzing, Steven Hoden
Worship: Leslie Hodgkinson, Mary Kletzing
Youth Director: Eran Wade
Secretary: Dana Robertson
Embracing Neighbors with God’s Love
bolic’ sense with little funda-mental
structural change.
There is a realization here that
although ‘people of color’ may
be tolerated and official state-ments
may be made about the
vision of multiculturalism (e.g.,
the Board of Trustees’
Multicultural Vision State-ment),
power and privilege re-main
with the white majority
and people of color still feel on
the margin.”5 The Executive
Cabinet’s lack of support for
the march on April 1st is rein-forcing
the statements made
above by the Diversity Task
Force Committee, and is not
helping North Park move
from stage two/three to stage
four.
Stage four is character-ized
by a “new consciousness
of institutionalized white
power and privilege,”—
something that this Supreme
Court will have to address in
their upcoming decision—as
will our own leadership here
at North Park. Stage four is
further defined by, “an in-creasing
commitment to dis-mantle
racism and eliminate
inherent white advantage.”6
Students and staff who are
looking to participate in this
march on Washington, as
well the members of this sub-
I am by no means an expert
on these topics, but I’d like
to raise some questions on
the debate about Affirmative
Action (AA) discussed in the
last North Park Press.
Due to historic discrimi-nation
and injustices, AA
sounds like a reasonable solu-tion.
But I want to raise the
question if the best way to com-bat
injustice is by overt institu-tionalized-
racism? During col-lege,
a friend of mine applied
to some of the top law schools
in the country. He was a 4.0
scholar with very high GRE
scores, yet was consistently re-jected
because he was a white-male.
To such blatant discrimi-nation
he simply shrugged and
said, “It’s how the system
works.”
If we are going to dis-mantle
institutionalized-racism
then we should be consistent on
all fronts—and this means see-ing
AA for what it is: a racially
biased discriminatory policy.
Discrimination based on race is
a vice no matter who is favored
or rejected. The principles of
Dr. King were equality based
on character and merit regard-less
of race. On the other hand,
AA implies that character and
merit are determined by race.
This not only defies Civil
Rights principles but also per-petuates
a more insidious prob-lem:
white-paternalism. This
is evidenced by “alternative”
(i.e. lower) admissions stan-dards
for “disadvantaged mi-nority
students” that never get
applied to “disadvantaged
whites”. How is this not racist
and demeaning? This also flies
in the face of the cultural con-tributions
minorities continu-ously
make (like in the arts,
entertainment, sports, etc.) with
no “systemic” assistance what-soever.
It is time for us to rec-
Letters to the Editor
This letter is actually about
four months overdue, but
I hope it is timely with
respect to one of next week’s
events.
First let me thank you for
the cover story, “The Great
Chapel Experiment,” in the Fri-day,
November 20th North Park
Press. The article gave a fair
review of the Chapel worship
celebration that involved the
NP Gospel Choir and members
of the Chapel worship teams.
However, it did stop short of
explaining the greater vision
behind that service, and specifi-cally
one of the goals for the
The Great Chapel Experiment?
Letter to the Executive Cabinet, continued
Dilworth and the NP Gospel
Choir became less of an “ex-periment”
and more of a cel-ebration.
Newcomers to
Chapel that day might have
found it a surprise that these,
“grooving angels had infil-trated
the Chapel service;”
however, those of us who found
a home last semester in Chapel,
would have likely described it
differently. For many of us,
that service was an exciting ex-pression
and of our growth,
appreciation and now participa-tion
in an incredible style of
worship.
As I mentioned, this is a
journey, and we have a long
way to go before we under-stand,
value and find ways to
give meaningful expression to
the variety of ethnic/cultural as
well as interdenominational
forms of worship. And at
times, it may be experimental
in nature. But at other times, it
will be an all-out celebration
for what God is doing in our
midst as we embrace the rich
diversity of worship that is re-flective
of our infinitely cre-ative
God.
This coming Thursday,
April 10th, we will have another
Chapel worship celebration
ognize the myth of minorities
always needing “help” to get
by in our culture only feeds the
atrocious stereotype of “white
supremacy”. These myths need
to be expunged —fervently and
with a baseball bat.
I realize some may dis-committee,
are committed to
these goals for our school as
well as for our nation. We ask
that the Executive Cabinet re-consider
its response to this
situation, understanding this
will be vital for moving us to-wards
stage four—and becom-ing
an anti-racist institution.
Due to the significance
of this issue, whether before,
during or after the march, we
also ask that a public forum
take place where, members of
the Executive Cabinet clearly
explain their final decision, as
well as respond to any ques-tions
that might arise. We be-lieve
this forum is necessary to
maintain relationships of ac-countability
and a spirit of un-derstanding
within our commu-nity.
In quoting Eric H.F.
Law’s The Wolf Shall Dwell
with the Lamb, the Diversity
Task Force’s Position State-ment
states, “To do justice,
then, is to be able to see and
recognize the uneven distribu-tion
of power and to take steps
to change the system so that we
can redistribute power
equally.”7 As an institution,
North Park has two choices: to
begin taking steps to change the
system or to remain in a pas-sive
state.
that includes both the NP Gos-pel
Choir and members of the
Chapel worship teams. I’m
excited to say that this service
will be recorded for a North
Park Worship CD that is com-ing
out later this year. So I in-vite
everyone to come and be a
part of this unique Chapel
service…but not to stop there.
I invite each one of you to be a
part of shaping the future wor-ship
experiences of our school.
Rich Johnson
Worship Coordinator
University Ministries
agree with the opinions stated
here but I hope this will gener-ate
more discussion and debate
on this important issue. For an
excellent book on AA, check
out Content of Our Character
by African-American scholar
Shelby Steele. Our library car-ries
it and Steele’s work has
been instrumental in disman-tling
my own stereotyping and
paternalism.
Grant Clay
North Park Seminary
The University Ministries
Sub-Committee of the
Diversity Task Force,
Kristi Lach, Tim White,
Tom Anderson, Quentin
Mumphery, Kazi Joshua,
and Rich Johnson
FYI: pbs.org has available on
their website audio recording of
the Supreme Court hearings.
Additionally, bamn.com,
npr.org, and the University of
Michigan website have infor-mation
in regards to this issue.
Rethinking Affirmative Action
Opinions presented here are not necessarily those of North Park or the North Park Press.
(Footnotes)
1 Covenant Year Book, “Christian-ity
and Racial Relations (The is-sue
of the year).” The Evangeli-cal
Covenant Church of America.
1962, pp. 229.
2 Covenant Year Book, “Concern
for Racial Justice.” The Evangeli-cal
Covenant Church of America.
1965, pp.223
3 http://www.bamn.com/
doc/factsheet.asp
4 North Park University Board of
Trustees, “Multicultural Vision
Statement.” Approved October
2002, pp. 12.
5 Diversity Task Force Position
Statement and Call for Participa-tion.
January 29, 2003, pp. 13.
6 Continuum on Becoming An
Anti-Racist Multicultural Institu-tion,
pp.14. cites from Crossroads
Ministry, Chicago, Illinois, 2002.
7 Diversity Task Force Position
Statement and Call for Participa-tion.
January 29, 2003, pp. 13.
10 a.m. - Gospel Worship Celebration,
Anderson Chapel
3:30 - 5:00 p.m. - Camp Grant Training
Sessions
5:00 -6:30 p.m. - What’s Goin’ On?
Current Issues in Colored America, ARA
Alumni Room
8 p.m. - Spring Play: The Diviners
Tuesday, April 8 Wednesday, April 9 Thursday, April 10 Friday, April 11
10 a.m. - Jack Surridge, Swedish
Gospel Choir
12 p.m. - Baseball @ Concordia
3:30 - 5:30 p.m. - Divided Sisters:
What comes first? Race or Gender?
3 p.m. - Baseball vs. North Central
3:00 p.m.- Softball @ Carthage
8:30 p.m. - Documentary: “Children
Underground” Java Haus
8 p.m. - Spring Play: The Diviners
Page 6 THE SERIOUS SIDE
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
New Condos for Rent 1.5 blocks from North Park:
New Hardwood Floors, new kitchens and countertops, in unit
washer/dryer, air conditioning. 2 bedroom, 1 bath, summer only
rental for up to three students, partially furnished, available May
10 - August 22. 2 bedroom, 2 bath, annual lease for up to four
students, unfurnished, available May 10
Contact: Al Bjorkman, Department of Biology,
ext.5781 or abjorkman@northpark.edu
Looking for a place this summer?
• Megan Gilmore
Press Layout Editor
Every one of us here to
night has been called to
live a life that looks dif-ferent
from the world around
us.”
Rich Johnson, University
Ministries Worship Coordina-tor,
opened College Life three
weeks ago with this statement,
as part of an introduction to the
series Objects In Mirror Are
Closer Than They Appear. In-voking
the image of a mirror,
Johnson explained that there
are things in our lives every day
that we must choose to look at
or not, but which remain in our
scope of vision regardless.
Three of these topics – popular
culture, politics, and race –
have become the focus of Col-lege
Life during this series as
students begin to address
Christianity and faith in regard
to the surrounding world.
“These are issues that are
in our mirrors whether we
choose to look or not,” Johnson
said. “We can’t go a day with-out
being inundated with mes-sages
from the media. As Dick
Staub said (in the March 23
College Life), pop culture is
probably the most powerful in-fluence
in shaping our lives.
Why is politics relevant? One
word for you: war.”
In his address, Staub ex-plored
how Christians are to
interact with and react to the
images found in entertainment
and popular culture.
The next topic to be ad-dressed
was politics. On March
30 Dale Kuehne, a politics pro-fessor
from the east coast, gave
students a look at the two his-torical
views taken by Chris-tians
in regard to politics and
war.
Finally, on Sunday, Col-lege
Life will explore the sub-ject
of race and Christianity.
“In light of the board of
trustees Multi-Cultural Vision
Statement and our commitment
to issues of diversity and racial
justice, I think this topic is very
timely,” Johnson said.
John Cole-Vodica will
address students on the issues
of justice, poverty, and race.
“He has worked with the prison
and jail project in Americus,
Georgia,” Johnson said of
Cole-Vodica. “The Sankofa
2001 and 2002 trips visited his
ministry and heard him speak.
We know he has something to
say to our campus.”
This series comes in the
continuing effort of the College
Life ministry to address topics
that are relevant to students, as
well as to continue to keep the
campus aware of what is going
on in the world. Johnson ex-plains
it as sort of the next step
up from the “in the news” seg-ment
that has recently become
a part of every Sunday night
service.
After this series ends this
Sunday night, there will be
three final College Life eve-nings:
the recording of the first-ever
North Park worship CD, a
night of student drama, and a
special year-end service.
Series explores relevance of faith
Reflections, continued
(Below) Marchers gather on April 1 in front of the capital. At times there were as many as
50,000 people gathered in front of government buildings to voice their opinions.
(Far right) It’s crazy to think that 40 years ago this very
thing (racism, the fight for equality) sparked such a move-ment
that still goes on today. Some called this event the
beginning of the “Second Civil Rights Movement” - the
question is, though, whether the first one ever ended?
(Near right) This old woman has undoubtedly seen this
sort of movement before. Her sign says “Gray Panthers
Oppose Racist Courts.” Her support was more meaning-ful
than a thousand signs. Here she was, barely able to
hold her own sign, but out to show her support - to take
action. She was an inspiring picture of love at its greates.
(Below right) I felt like this slogan perfectly summe dup
why I went to D.C. in the first place. I used to stand in
ignorant opposition of affirmative action, but then I was
called to stand back and really look objectively at our
society. - How different
would it look if we had
not made the efforts to
integrate, not that I fully
support the ideas of
quota, but this is real life
- I mean, racism exists,
what are we dgoing to do
to fight it?
Photos courtesy Jennifer Ryan
April 1, 2003, Washington, D.C.
North Park students have
always felt right at
home when shopping at
IKEA, but in a recent expose,
it has been discovered that
some students really are visit-ing
home when they take a trip
to the Swedish furniture
superstore. At a recent SSA
meeting, Sven Svenstrom re-cently
burst out “I’ve never
been to Sweden! You’re all
being lied to!”
That’s right, folks. It ap-pears
the annual Swedish Ex-change
Program doesn’t actu-ally
send students to Sweden.
It’s a heinous guise that Charles
Peterson and the IKEA corpo-ration
have been using to ex-tract
cheap labor from honest
American college students. For
years, students have been blind-folded,
put into a van, and then
driven to IKEA. After show-ing
them a few slides of “the
motherland,” it’s off to work
they go, creating all those cheap
items North Parkers fill their
dorm rooms with. (And you
thought Kathie Lee was the
only one with sweatshop
troubles…) Working eleven
hours a day in a dusty back
room, the students do menial
tasks while the propagandist
music of ABBA and Ace of
Base is pumped through loud
speakers.
While this might puzzle
many North Parkers who loy-ally
wrote roommates and
friends “over there,” they are
not alone in their confusion.
Some students that have been
on the trip are also scratching
their heads. “What?! We didn’t
go to Sweden? I thought it was
just all part of the experience.
Besides, the room we were in
was painted a cheery blue and
yellow,” exclaimed Ingrid
Kampradsson.
One might wonder how
Page 7 WORLD EVENTS
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park
The Swede Truth
friday- all day musical - all communication banned
unless in the form of song
saturday- chamber singers concert with opening act by U2 - 7 pm
sunday- college life 7 pm : Is God my Neighbor? followed by a
routine sacrifice; all campus dinner in ara - smorgasbord
6 pm
monday- self-centered, materialistic, capitalism week
tuesday- bedside baptist heathen’s chapel:
Pastor Pillow speaking 10 am
wednesday - mud wrestling @ 8 pm construction site -
take advantage of your resources
thursday- naked thursday dress accordingly -
please direct all questions to jon jenkins
Schedule for the Week
Picture Courtesy Moses and Luis
the secret has been kept under
wraps for so long. However,
the answer is quite simple.
Sweden is known for their
Absolut Vodka. A little Absolut
will go a long way in keeping
exchange students quiet! These
students consider Sweden a
foggy memory. The stories that
they were brought up with -
dalahorses, fika, systems
bolaget, and Bjorn Borg - now
exist as some ultimate reality.
North Parkers can still
take heart. With all of the
money North Park gleans from
the exchange students’ small
IKEA wages and the extra
money unsuspecting parents
kick in for souvenirs and field
trips, North Park tuition will
only go up 10% next year.
Next week, an investiga-tion
about Morelia, Mexico,
students moonlighting as Taco
Bell employees.
HAWMPS!
Film is based on a true incident of using camels
instead of horses in the Calvary. Touching moments
arise when Congress sets the camels free to fend
for themselves. Also includes the short film “Benji’s
Life story.”
Puma Man
Professor Tony Farms discovers that he is really
Puma Man, a superhero who is descended from the
gods. Together with an Aztec priest, they try to
thwart the plans of Kobras, who is in possession of
the sacred puma mask, and plans to hypnotize gov-ernment
leaders with it and take over the world.
Puma Man spends most of the movie flying awk-wardly
and jumping around, leaving the Aztec priest
to perform all the physically demanding tasks.
Rocky LXIX
Rocky, now confined to a wheel chair from repeated
blows to the head, has gotten deep into the dark
world of geriatric boxing. The underground com-petitions
have become a mainstay of nursing home
life and Rocky has taken it upon himself to coach
many of the old-timers. His best fighter, Wallace
(Sean Connery), has the spit and vigor of a new
fighter but his wild ways are becoming a bit too
much for Rocky. Connery is the strongest charac-ter
in this film, bringing life to Wallace as a bed-hopping,
Scotch guzzling geriatric. Rocky must
learn to tame Wallace and hone his skills for the
biggest fight of the year against Sunny Field Nurs-ing
Home’s top fighter, Manfred. Constantly con-cerned
with the possibility of police raids and bring-ing
home the bacon, Rocky and Adrienne face their
toughest times yet.
The Necklace
Sequel to “The Ring.” Japanese spiritual influence
is thrown out the window in this harrowing tale of
a woman who unwittingly purchases fake jewelry,
only to discover a mysterious green ring around her
neck. Her bizarre young son reacts to the horror in
drawings and pictures of grass, limes, shamrocks,
and boogers. And you thought 7 days to live was a
bad omen!
Harry Potter Goes Incred-ibly
Ballistic When Draco
Malfoy Breaks His Glasses
All hell breaks loose when Draco smashes Harry’s
new glasses in a jealous rage. The plot thickens
when Master Potter is commissioned by Professor
Dumbledore to defend witchcraft to a horde of an-gry
overprotective mothers. Also of interest- Harry
and Hermione duke it out over who gets to use the
all new “Harry Potter Nimbus 2000,” a vibrating
toy broomstick, in a fantastic 15 minute action se-quence.
Gary
In a flashy, burlesque cinematic venture by the
Farrely Brothers, two steel mill workers, Shaggy
and Skeeter (played by Matt Damon and Ben Lopez
(er, Affleck)), aspire to climb the
industrial ladder to Employee of the
Month status. Along the way, how-ever,
they encounter hurdles in the
form of an overweight and overbear-ing
factory boss (played by
Roseanne Barr), an unfaithful wife
(played by Roma Downey), and a
slew of other characters with their
own problems. The highlight of the
film is a rousing musical number
featuring Shaggy and Skeeter leap-ing
from assembly line to assembly
line with Astaire-like flair, “All That
Smog.” This film hopes to follow
the Academy Award-Winning suc-cess
of its sister musical, “Chicago.”
My Big Fat Greek
Wedding Planner
Starring Pete Rose in his most believable role yet.
Trite dramatic irony follows Larry (Mekhi Pfeiffer)
and Shakira (Lucy Liu), as they enlist the help of
Apollolopolous (Rose) to plan their wedding. The
only trouble is, the couple is intent on living out
the cinematic hit of the summer of 2002, “My Big
Fat Greek Wedding,” no matter what- even if that
means murder!
The
Neverendingandwemeanitthisserieswilllastforever
Story LL
Bastian brings several of his friends from Fantasia
to the human world to help him and his new step-sister
in their fight against “The Nasties,” who have
stolen The Neverending Story book and are threat-ening
to destroy Fantasia. Again. You would think
Bastian would learn by now to keep his feet
grounded and his head out of the clouds – AND out
of books.
Star Wars: Over-Hyped
Third in a trilogy of prequels to the original Star
Wars trilogy, this movie features a sexier, freshly-oiled
R2-D2. Though the media virtually ignores
the Star Wars films, the few existing fans might
enjoy the newest scenes in which Rev. Jesse Jack-son
cameos to free the Ewoks from captivity, or the
scene when the Millennium Falcon hits an iceberg.
Sources also say a lot of money went into giving
Yoda an extremely realistic-looking rash.
Octofemme
8 movements in women’s rights, each single-handedly
brought about by the effect of James Bond
movies in popular culture. In this tribute to Femi-nism,
Bond’s mission is to replace dignity to fe-males
all the way around the globe. The token Bond
vixen is played by Cameron Manheim, and featur-ing
Gloria Steinem as Bond’s nemesis (or is she?),
“Octofemme.” Latest 007 gadget: radical waffle
iron.
New Releases Headed Your Way!
(Left) This picture, taken from a security camera inside the Ikea premises, was obtained by U.S.
Special Forces during the historic “Ikea Bust” last October. Now that the cheap American labor
ploy has been uncovered, Ikea is uncertain how it will continue to provide its durable goods at
its famed low prices. “Perhaps we will consider an overseas market,” Executive Anne Sathers
said. “The benefits costs are more expensive overseas, but we’ll get by somehow.”
T
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•Rocky Pain
Master of all Doom and Destruction
In a stunning and unprecedented move, NCAA presi
dent Myles Brand announced that the Kansas and
Arizona men’s basketball teams – who split their
regular season and tournament games this year – would
meet next week to play a third and decisive game. The
winner of this game advances to the Final Four, where
Marquette awaits.
“Based upon Arizona’s convincing win over Kan-sas
on January 25th, along with their strong RPI, the
NCAA executive committee feels that the fairest solu-tion
in this situation is to simply play a third and decid-ing
game,” Brand said in a press conference at NCAA
headquarters in Indianapolis. “Essentially this is noth-ing
more than your good old-fashioned rematch.”
Jim Livengood, chairman of the tournament se-lection
committee, agreed with the decision, saying,
“The regional final between Arizona and Kansas should
have never taken place. I was pushing to make IUPUI
the #2 seed in that regional.” Livengood is also the
Athletic Director at the University of Arizona.
Bill Walton, father of Arizona forward Luke
Walton, was another who sided with Brand. “It was a
TERR-ible decision to put Arizona, Duke, and Kansas
in the same regional. The last time I was this upset was
when the Grateful Dead broke up” he told the North
Park Press. “FOR-tunately, the NCAA could ad-MIT
their mis-TAKE and let the kids play again.”
Not all reactions to the announcement were posi-tive,
however. Cincinnati coach Bob Huggins, recov-ering
from his 8th heart attack after being ejected in his
team’s opening round loss, told reporters, “After the
&$#!@ officiating in our game, it is an absolute $%@#
travesty that this is the only $#@!& rematch in the tour-nament.”
Additionally, Texas Tech coach Bobby Knight,
while refusing to comment on this specific situation,
holds the position that Brand is a “complete idiot” who
has, according to Knight, “rocks for brains.”
A win by Arizona in this third game would give
senior point guard Jason Gardner the team record for
most wins. A Kansas win, however, would put coach
Roy Williams just two wins away from his first national
title. The NCAA plans to announce the date and loca-tion
of the game at a press conference later today.
Kansas, Arizona to play
best-out-of-three, NCAA
announces •Frodo
Gandalf’s not pushing this Hobbit
around
March 31 marked the
starting date of the
Caucasian Invasion +
1 Asian’s, better
known to their
fans as the CIA,
spring training.
After a rather
lengthy off sea-son
the two time
champion IM
f o o t b a l l
woman’s team is
ready to get back
to work. The
team was the
brainchild of
captains, Jessica
“ M o p h e a d ”
Palmberg and
Carissa “Spike”
Esmon, two
years ago. Their
goal was a
simple but ambi-tious
one: to
form a football
dynasty at North
Park. Recogniz-ing
the inability of other North
Park teams to achieve the in-tense
level of perfection that
Palmberg and Esmon see as a
very real possibility, the
women decided to take it into
their own hands and show this
campus how football is done.
Once they formed their
objective they began actively
recruiting teammates. Rigor-ous
tryouts ensued, Palmberg
and Esmon were set on having
the toughest team to date. The
tryouts included cleaning out
the co-captain’s rooms, scaling
Carlson, and racing the rats in
the North Branch. All the
wusses, pansies, and wimps
were carefully weeded out and
the CIA became a team.
North Park football dynasty
takes to the field again
•Bullwinkle
Has anyone seen Squirrel?
Experts gained a new perspec-tive
Thursday in their attempts
to solving the greatest sports
dispute to date. For centuries
Minnesotans have been cling-ing
to “Duck, Duck, Grey
Duck” as the correct title of the
much loved children’s game.
While the rest of America pon-ders
why these Northerners
would take such a preposterous
stance, defiling their much
What about a
Norwegian duck?
loved game “Duck, Duck,
Goose”, experts have been
working nights and late after-noons
seeking the correct title.
The scientists have found that
the Minnesotan method is in
fact the superior method. “Just
look at all the possibilities,”
team leader Dr. Nimbus told the
North Park Press, “You can foil
other players just by simply
shouting Yellow Duck, Maroon
Duck, or even Chartreuse
Duck!”
Due to a rather unfortunate incident
involving a washing machine and a
garden hoe we regret to inform you
that we will not be running any
Ultimate Frisbee articles this week.
•Matt Thulson
All around good guy
It was my pure fortune and
pleasure to witness a game
of such determination, grit
and muscle as I have never
seen. When my good friends
Steve Linde and Andrew Coo-per
pulled out their cribbage
game from the shelf, inviting
me to watch, my inclinations
were all skeptical. I was sure
this game would put me to
sleep and I can imagine you
might be tempted to think like-wise.
But think no further!
From the very beginning
I found myself drawn in com-pletely.
Every nervous flip of
the cards, every peg that moved
its respective position was un-deniably
nerve-wrecking. Coo-per,
the rookie, showed to be a
quick study and jumped out
early on a fine pair of Aces. The
veteran Linde roared back in a
stunning display of physical
and mental concentration. Ever
closer, the pegs were coming to
the finish. I found myself al-most
out of my seat, drenched
in sweat from head to toe. Who
was it going to be? The master
or the apprentice? The thicken-ing
tension was such that it
could be sliced through with a
chainsaw. I watched as cards
flew, words of profanity ex-changed
and in one stunning
Cribbage, the real American
sport
and excruciating climax, I saw
Cooper make his move and put
the peg to rest on the finish line.
I cheered, I clapped, screamed
and cried.
Altogether brilliant, I
could never do cribbage the
justice it deserves by describ-ing
it on paper. A truly mar-velous
sight, I would recom-mend
everyone to watch it, and
if you are so bold and brave, to
play it.
Team members during their spring training on Mon-day,
playing everyone’s favorite “Tackle the Cap-tains”.
NP Press Photo\Carmen Sandiego
Now as the team prepares
for their third season members
reflect fondly upon their past
two championships as “the de-fining
moments of their college
careers”. Their first day of
spring training was a demand-ing
one. The captains
ran the team through
a special obstacle
course, designed by
University Ministries
extraordinare Paul
Johnson. After their
vigorous run though
the construction zone
the team went off to
find the North Park
football team to taunt
them during their
training. The practice
ended with an intense
game of Ultimate
Frisbee.
One team
member says that
playing for the CIA
has been the best ex-perience
of her life.
“Not only have I
achieved a level of
physical fitness that I
had only dreamed
about, but I feel as though I
have become a better person. I
believe our team is very repre-sentative
of the spirit of the
North Park campus with our go
get ‘em, agressive Viking atti-tudes.”
10. Tetherball
9. 4-man luge
8. Kite flying
7. Bocce ball
6. Bulldozer rugby
Top 10 Sports To Master This Spring
And the #1 sport to
master this Spring:
1. Prospective dodging
5. Rollerball
4. Urban Biatholon
3. Fence leaping
2. Curling
Cooper (on the left) and Linde sweat it out over an intense Crib-bage
game.
NP Press Photo\Your Mom
Page 8 SPORTS?
Friday, 04 April 2003 Press North Park