DR. LANGFORD, an optometrist that smiles like a clown, tosses his clipboard on the adjustable table behind three items of ophthalmic instruments. He lowers the table as JANAE, pretty and wholesome, sits down on the stool on the other side of all the machines.

DR. LANGFORD

So...Jay-Nay? What brings you in for an eye exam today?

JANAE

Juh-Nae. Oh, just a check up.

DR. LANGFORD

Okay, then. Let’s start with this machine.

JANAE

Oh, no. Is this that puff of air thing?

DR. LANGFORD

Yeah. This one is not too bad.

JANAE

Really?

DR. LANGFORD

It’s the most gentle non-contact tonometer on the market.

JANAE

‘Kay...

Janae puts her forehead on the rest. The doctor clicks the button. The machine whirs, and we hear a PUFF of air.

JANAE

(high, almost squeal)

Oh!

She sits back and rubs her eye.

DR. LANGFORD

Ready for the next one?

JANAE

I guess...

The machine whirs again then PUFFS. Janae recoils the same way.

JANAE

(rubbing second eye)

I’m glad that’s over with. What does that machine do, anyway?

Dr. Langford tries to repress his wierd smile.

DR. LANGFORD

It checks eye pressure, which is important to know because if it’s outside the normal range, you could have a serious eye condition.

Janae blinks a lot.

JANAE

My eyes feel dry now.

DR. LANGFORD

Okay, let’s move on to this machine. It gives me a close idea of any glasses prescription you might need. Chin on the chin wrest.

She puts her head up to the autorefractor. It beeps and then-PUFF!!

JANAE

Ah! Hey! I thought we had already finished the puff of air thing!

DR. LANGFORD

Did that puff at you?

JANAE

Yes!

DR. LANGFORD

Huh, let’s try the other eye then.

She puts her head back to the machine, but the monitors shows that she’s squinting in anticipation.

DR. LANGFORD

Okay, for the machine to take the measurement, you’re going to need to open your eye wider.

JANAE

But I don’t want it to puff at me.

DR. LANGFORD

Just a little wider...

Janae’s eye opens just barely more and...PUFF!

JANAE

Ow! It did it again.

DR. LANGFORD

(holding up the print-out)

Well...it printed out these glasses prescription numbers, so it can’t be broken.

JANAE

But it blew air at my eye!

DR. LANGFORD

I’ll have a look at it later. Let’s move on to the last machine in this room.

He holds out a clicker for her to take.

DR. LANGFORD

It’s going to test your peripheral vision. Every time you see a flicker in your side vision, just click on the button. It takes about a minute per eye.

JANAE

Okay, that doesn’t sound so bad...

She takes the clicker from Dr. Langford and puts her forehead up to the machine. She SEES THE FLICKERING SQUARES on the screen.

PUFF! Janae clicks, puffs, and yelps over and over. Dr. Langford looks on with a sly grin.

INT. – OPTOMETRIST PRE-TEST ROOM – DAY

JANAE

Doctor, every time I clicked on the button, it gave me a puff of air in the eyes!

Dr. Langford looks at his display.

DR. LANGFORD

Oh, you know what? I had it set to the serial tonometry setting. Sometimes it’s helpful to take multiple readings to see what your eye pressure is over time. Oh well, no harm done. Let’s go into the exam room.

INT. OPTOMETRIST EXAM LANE – DAY

Janae enters rubbing her eyes and sets her things down. As the doctor enters, she looks in the mirror on the wall to see that her eyes are bright red.

JANAE

My eyes are really red!

DR. LANGFORD

Don’t worry, that will go away in a minute. Have a seat on that dentist-looking chair.

JANAE

I hope you’re right.

DR. LANGFORD

Of course I’m right.

He scoots a big Phoropher up to her head.

DR. LANGFORD

Now, which is better? One or two?

We see an eye chart, and switching between one or two, WE DON’T NOTICE ANY DIFFERENCE.