Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A report says robot journalists will soon start writing news
and sports stories for British and Irish news agencies. Especially when the
number one sports stories consist of reporting on soccer matches that always
end in a 0-0 tie.

A report says robot journalists will soon start writing news
and sports stories for British and Irish news agencies. Especially the food
critic section where every British and Irish dishes will be rated as inedible.

A report says college students are being taught that it is “toxic”
to be a man. Which isn’t surprising for anyone who has ever been inside a
public men’s restroom.

Apple CEO Tim Cook says his company wants to eliminate all
cash. Mostly because it’s unnecessary for everyone else since Apple controls
99.8% of all of it.

A study says erectile dysfunction may improve with exercise.
Which also comes in handy for anyone running a 5K race who find it helps them
cross the finish line a little bit faster.

A poll says 65% of Americans limit their monthly spending.
The problem is that they limit their spending every month to what they make in
the entire year.

A poll says 65% of Americans limit their monthly spending.
The other 35% are saying “Spending?”

A report says half of all U.S. adults are already recorded
in facial recognition databases. The other half can’t be pinned down because of
their recent Botox, facelifts and nose jobs.

A fast food chain in Malaysia has been told to change the
name of hot dogs on their menus. Apparently it turns out they could be cited
for false advertising as they aren’t really served all that hot.

The government has announced new steps to protect airline
consumers. Although people will believe it the day they see that United
Airlines has been shut down.

The government has announced new steps to protect airline
consumers. Travelers are excited to see if the new rules will affect deceptive
air fares, unfair inflight fees, lost baggage, overcharging for meals and
snacks, long flight delays, unannounced cancellations, drunk pilots…

A report says the presidential race has caused a spike in
crisis center calls. Mostly from the brain injuries caused by people beating
their heads against the wall during all of the debates.

China has told the world they don’t need anyone else’s
factories anymore. Mostly because none of the other countries ever build them
to the specifications they need to have everything small enough to be run by a
work force of six year olds.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Still just trying to
slam out a few jokes when I can while I am on vacation. That should be taken
care of later in the week when I come back home after leaving my entire life
savings in care of the good people of Disney World. Just because I am out of
town is no reason you can’t continue to take the time to keep on always sending
the love!