Status Update: Week 2

Generally, as long as I’m occupied, I don’t suffer too many withdrawal symptoms.

However, very often I get an impressively strong urge in my loins. It is almost a physical pain in my bladder area, and all I can think about is how watching porn and relieving myself is the only cure. This often happens in the morning, and in the afternoon when I get back from work; times when I’m less occupied and when I am used to watching porn.

When I get that urge, it is a pretty miserable time. It requires constant self-motivation to not succumb, and it also generally depresses me a bit as it reminds me how out of control I am with my body and that I have a long road ahead.

My expectant attitude to sex with my girlfriend has been replaced with a newfound respect for her sexual moods. I used to get genuinely annoyed when I was in the mood and she wasn’t, as I think perhaps I was so used to instant gratification. Now, I am far less expecting and in return she has been very sympathetic to the situation. I feel terrible about what a bastard I was.

Sex itself is fantastic, for the simple reason that it will have been longer between orgasms (as previously they would be daily or twice-daily) so they are more intense. I am also valuing it more. I have been replaying these great sexual encounters over in my head; something I never used to do.

So, in general, things are going ok. Having to control the urges is difficult and stressful, but manageable. I’m not using any techniques other than willpower and attempting to banish any intruding images from my mind and just get on with my day. My respect for my girlfriend and undeniable need to fix my addiction are, so far, sustenance enough for me to keep the urges at bay.

However, I’ve not yet had the true test – a day alone at home. I will need to prepare psychologically for that day in advance.