‘Tulip Fever’ Review: Long-Shelved Period Romance Is No Garden of Delights

“Tulip Fever” was a hot book in 2000, a stop-and-start movie project for years afterward, an actual production in 2014, then a now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t hot potato for three more years. It’s earned the kind of Hollywood conjecture that finds a fitting corollary in the movie’s scenes of Dutch traders speculating on tulip investments during the flower’s 17th century heyday.

Would “Tulip Fever” ever show? When? In what form? Was it good? Bad? Just unlucky? Whoever placed a bet on September 1, 2017, as the official release date — after numerous appearances on the Weinstein Company schedule — collect your winnings.

The resulting movie from director Justin Chadwick (“The Other Boleyn Girl”) isn’t terrible, but it routinely flirts with terribleness: it’s disjointed, each scene torn between the pull of its sumptuous period detail and the dissonance of its mismanaged emotional structure and schematic plot. Mostly it reflects the kind of wishful thinking about beloved literary properties, evocative historical eras, and disrobed stars that results in lots of artisanal detail but a surfeit of actual filmmaking or true enchantment.

Fans of Deborah Moggach’s novel, which spins around an adulterous affair between a married woman and a struggling painter, will always be able to hold on to the experience of curling up to her twisty, panting tale. But those who see the movie first — an adaptation she’s credited with writing, along with Tom Stoppard — may be left wondering what all the fuss was about.

It’s 1634 in a bustling, tulip-crazed Amsterdam when young, God-fearing Sophia (Alicia Vikander) is carried away from the orphanage she’s known her whole life to become the new wife to wealthy older nobleman Cornelius (Christoph Waltz). When repeated attempts to produce a child prove fruitless, Cornelius opts to bolster his masculine pride in having such a beautiful, nubile wife by commissioning a portrait from a scrappy young artist named Jan (Dane DeHaan). It isn’t long, though, before the steamy glares behind Cornelius’s back result in naked time for Sophia and Jan in the painter’s cramped loft.

Their fling is complicated by the story’s other romance, between Cornelius’s lusty kitchen maid Maria (Holliday Grainger, “My Cousin Rachel”) — also the movie’s narrator — and her fishmonger beau Willem (Jack O’Connell, “Unbroken”). Under circumstances too farcical to go into (involving mistaken identity and pregnancies real and fake), Sophia and Jan are left trying to get out from under her merchant husband’s grip by making a quick killing in the increasingly bubble-worthy illegal tulip market, an underground auction animating Amsterdam’s barrooms at night. Prized above all: the chance that a future parcel of bulbs might produce the rare white tulip with a violent, breathtaking slash of crimson.

The hope for a movie like “Tulip Fever” is that its disparate characters and intersecting storylines produce a kind of carousel atmosphere of passion, greed, desperation and chase. But Chadwick, perhaps worried that the notion of “costume drama” spelled boredom, treats the material like it needed the Paul Greengrass touch. It’s relentlessly in motion, following characters down alleys, along the docks, up staircases, through crowded bars, and into rooms where doors are slammed shut and everything is said or shouted upfront. The merry-go-round always seems in danger of getting knocked off the track.

You can’t keep your attention fixed on any of it, much less grasp the intricacies of the tulip market when they’re barked quickly amongst yelling traders. Appreciating the immersive production design from Simon Elliott (“The Iron Lady”) or the textured hues of Eigil Bryld’s (“In Bruges”) cinematography becomes a game of blink-and-you’ll-miss-it when Chadwick’s handheld camera is so unnecessarily busy.

The film’s downside — besides having no visual flair regarding the showcasing of tulips — is that the central love story feels rushed and empty. (There’s more spark between Grainger and O’Connell; their joys and woes are the story’s most fully felt.) Vikander’s Sophia goes from cloistered prude to adulterer so quickly your head will spin, while DeHaan’s Jan is tossed around by the whims of the plot to the extent that he barely registers as a person.

Waltz, meanwhile, is saddled with the type of character defined only by his obstructive qualities; a late-in-the-story attempt to humanize him feels too little, too late. The small-role parade includes Matthew Morrison, Kevin McKidd and Zach Galifianakis as cohorts of Jan’s, none of whom leave a mark, while Judi Dench at least musters up some great-actor poise and grit as a character not in the novel, the orphanage’s wise Abbess, who grows tulips as well as future wives and maids, understanding a thing or two about the societal value of each. (Her lines are the only ones that show Stoppardian wit.)

Does “Tulip Fever” feel like a precious bulb poorly nurtured? Primarily it comes across as something laboriously over-handled, and any flower so treated is bound to lose its luster. After waiting so long, the strongest fragrance on display is one of sweat and mediocrity.

Who killed it this summer, and who should hope to have a better fall? Check out TheWrap's list of this summer's movie winners and losers.

WINNER: "Wonder Woman"Apart from making more than $400 million at the domestic box office, the movie was critically lauded and united girls, boys, men and women all over the world -- doing did things no superhero movie has done before it.

WB

LOSER: "Rough Night"Unfortunately, Sony's "Rough Night" has only banked $22 million so far although it was produced for $20 million. Plus, it received mixed reviews from critics -- and one month later, a similar comedy (in that it starred several recognizable actresses in a tale of old friends reuniting with a wild night that gets way out of hand) performed better among critics and the box office.

WB

WINNER: Patty JenkinsJenkins directed the second biggest movie of the year -- "Wonder Woman" -- and has been an outspoken critic about female representation in Hollywood. Plus, she is in the process of negotiating a record-breaking deal to helm its sequel.

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LOSER: "The Mummy"Tom Cruise's reboot of the Brendan Fraser films cost a reported $125 million to produce but has only grossed $80 million domestically. Thankfully, it played well overseas, but it still received a Rotten Tomatoes score of 16 percent.

Universal

WINNER: Christopher NolanChristopher Nolan resurfaced this summer with "Dunkirk," which has become a strong Oscar contender and was very well-reviewed by critics. It currently has a 93 percent "fresh" score on Rotten Tomatoes.

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LOSER: "The House"You'd think a movie starring Amy Poehler and Will Ferrell would be a hit, but no. For Ferrell, it’s the worst opening weekend for any of his movies with a screen count of over 3,000 locations, even lower than the $15 million made in 2008 by “Semi-Pro” and the $13.8 million made by “Zoolander No. 2” last year.

WB Domestic Distribution President Jeff Goldstein told TheWrap, "We’re so disappointed. We had much higher hopes."

WINNER: "Dunkirk"As previously mentioned, "Dunkirk" received stellar reviews and raked in a solid amount of money both domestically and overseas. It was lauded as a "masterpiece."

WB

LOSER: Any Parent Sent to Watch "Emoji Movie""The Emoji Movie" became summer's worst reviewed movie, even below "Transformers" and "The Nut Job 2." We just feel bad for the parents that were forced to take their kids to the theater to see it. And there were a lot ...

Sony

WINNER: Ansel Elgort"Baby Driver" pretty much defied all expectations and had solid reviews but also made a decent amount of money. Many praised Ansel Elgort in his career-turning performance, and people loved the soundtrack of the movie itself.

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LOSER: Sequels"Transformers: The Last Knight," "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales" and "Alien: Covenant" all underperformed at the domestic box office. Audiences at home seem to be sick and tired of sequels, although those particular 3 raked in huge overseas.

Fox

WINNER: DisneyDisney's summer roster included "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2," "Pirates of the Caribbean 5" and "Cars 3," all big blockbusters that raked in the big bucks -- although "Pirates" came in big overseas.

LOSER: ParamountParamount received a blow this summer: "Baywatch" and "Transformers: The Last Knight" bombed domestically. Of course, international box office came to the rescue, but both movies were widely panned by critics.

Paramount

WINNER: "Annabelle: Creation"The horror genre is one of the most sustainable genres in the industry as it keeps proving that low risk-high reward pays off. "Creation" over-performed when it opened and also received pretty decent reviews.

New Line

LOSER: "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets"Luc Besson's latest sci-fi fantasy didn't do well domestically or internationally. It has only grossed around $172 million worldwide to date although it was produced for around $177.2 million. Poor casting, an unfamiliar story and the fact that "Guardians of the Galaxy" opened right before it could've been reasons it failed to launch.

STX

WINNER: Zac Efron's Abs for "Baywatch"Baywatch" was filled with hot bots, but all eyes seemed to wander towards Zac Efron's abs. The actor underwent a heavy workout regime and diet to look like that -- and we appreciate it.

Paramount

LOSER: "Transformers"As previously mentioned, "The Last Knight" failed to launch at the box office. Not only did it rake in significantly less than its predecessors, but it was also widely panned by critics. However, Paramount doesn't seem to care about audiences growing tired of the franchise -- a spin-off, "Bumblebee," is already in the works.

Paramount

WINNER: Warner Bros.Even though "The House" bombed, Warner Bros. has had huge successes this summer, of course including "Wonder Woman" and "Dunkirk."

LOSER: "The Dark Tower"The movie adaptation of one of Stephen King's most famous works unfortunately failed to resonate with audiences. It somewhat underperformed and critics didn't love the film starring Matthew McConaughey and Idris Elba.

Sony

WINNER: Tiffany HaddishNewcomer Tiffany Haddish received a lot of praise for what critics called a "breakout" performance in "Girls Trip."

LOSER: Memorial Day WeekendThis year's Memorial Day Weekend was the worst since the turn of the century in terms of box office. According to numbers from comScore and Box Office Mojo, the 2017 Memorial Day weekend totals only amounted to $180.6 million, down 12 percent from the $205.4 million made last year and 43 percent from the record-setting $314 million made in 2013.

Disney

WINNER: "Girls Trip""Girls Trip" succeeded where other adult comedies failed. Directed by Malcolm D. Lee, the film has posted the biggest opening in the genre so far this year with a final tally of $31.2 million.

LOSER: "Emoji Movie"Yes, "The Emoji Movie" scored $25 million its opening weekend, but it was widely panned by critics and became the worst reviewed movie of the summer.

Sony

WINNER: IlluminationIllumination killed it this summer with "Despicable Me 3," which propelled the franchise into becoming the highest grossing animation franchise ever.

Illumination

LOSER: Sony PicturesThe studio got hit with a double whammy this summer: "Emoji Movie" and "Dark Tower" flopped, and the studio lost its $200 million slate financing deal with Texas private equity firm Lone Star. Sony's weak run at the box office was the main reason Lone Star bailed on the deal, but chief Tom Rothman didn't help matters when he plopped his feet on the boss' desk during a disastrous meeting.

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WINNER: "Spider-Man: Homecoming"Jon Watts' take on the webbed superhero received a 92 percent Rotten Tomatoes score, has grossed over $737 million worldwide and has already spawned sequel. We'd say it's definitely a winner.

Sony

LOSER: AugustLet's be honest -- August has been kind of a dud. In the past two weeks, no big releases were unveiled, and although mid-August through early September is known to be sleepy, this year has been exceptionally slow. According to The Guardian, this August is down 35 percent from last year.

Lionsgate

WINNER: DC ExecsAfter the gloominess of “Batman v Superman” and “Suicide Squad,” a team of DC executives and creatives looked for a new guiding philosophy. Three executives — Kevin Tsujihara, chairman of Warner Bros. Entertainment, Greg Silverman, the former president of Creative Development and Worldwide Production and Diane Nelson, president of DC Entertainment and Warner Bros. Consumer Products — decided to give oversight of the DC film projects to the dynamic duo of Geoff Johns and Jon Berg. The duo helped "Wonder Woman" become this summer's smash hit and course corrected DC movies.

Warner Bros.

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Warner Bros. had a great few months — but other studios, filmmakers and stars weren’t so lucky

Who killed it this summer, and who should hope to have a better fall? Check out TheWrap's list of this summer's movie winners and losers.