Tuesday 10: Excellent Body Image Posts

Why is thinner better?

I’ve been asking myself that question for months, as I struggle with the realization that since I had my thyroid removed in 2008, I’ve gained 17 pounds of fat — despite the fact that I eat very clean paleo 90% of the time, sleep 8-9 hours per night, was devoted to CrossFit and strength training, and recently found the bliss of yoga, meditation, and good, old-fashioned walking.

I say these words with all sincerity and conviction: If we are eating well, training smart, managing stress, and getting enough quality sleep, we should accept our bodies as they come.

And I simultaneously hold this thought: I want to lose these 17 pounds.

For me, the 17 pounds don’t only represent the change in how I look. Because of my hormonal meltdown, I’m not as strong, as fit, or as energetic as I was in 2008. I seem to be on the road to recovery now (maybe), which is lovely, but it’s been a long haul, and I suspect it will always be something I have to monitor.

My rational mind knows all of that. The calm, clear, grounded me doesn’t give a hoot about those 17 pounds. I am truly blessed and have a beautiful life.

But I also have a very healthy ego. And sometimes, those 17 pounds really bother me. Thoughts like, I don’t look like I work out as much as I do, and it’s not fair. or I looked so much better when I was younger, before I had my throat slit and everything went to Hell. plague me when I’m tired, hungry, or just having an off day (like when my bangs won’t lie just right on my forehead).

Astute readers will notice that both of those sentences above — and their related taunts whom I haven’t quoted here but who talk to me when I’m feeling low — emphasize the word “look.”

Ah, vanity.

I’m not a bird or a bunny trying to attract a mate to help me procreate, so why do I care how I look? I mean, really care.

I actually heard myself say to my friend Stef one day, “I feel really good, then I look in the mirror and feel bad about myself.”

That is f*cking ridiculous — and also pretty standard for our culture.

But here’s the thing: I play a part in this culture, too. I like to look at fashion, I have a J.Lo. near-obsession because it’s fun to look at her: the clothes, the makeup, the bone structure. It’s pleasing.

So where does that leave me (and us)?

Is thin objectively better? Surely not.

Do I want to lose this excess fat/weight? I absolutely do.

Am I going to dislike myself, punish myself, denigrate myself, or starve myself to do it? No way.

Freedom and joy can’t happen without both acceptance and love of our bodies. Acceptance is being okay with what is so that we can be free from mental torment of self and feeling as if we are never quite good enough. Loving our body means taking care of it, giving it what it wants and needs, honoring it as an integral part of ourselves.

I am not in the business of self- acceptance. I am not in the business of self-improvement. I am in the business of both.

10 Excellent Body Image Posts

Here are 10 more posts on body image and how we can love and honor our bodies, even as we view them as a work in progress. Note that these are not in a particular order; they’re all excellent and worth a read. And re-read. And re-read. And maybe, posting on your bathroom mirror.

1. Ladies Please — Scott AbelScott takes on the media generated image of what a woman’s body should be with some brazen words about what he thinks we should do about it. “When you tell yourself your body is not good enough, you are telling yourself that YOU are not good enough and you feel the emotional impact of this – you carry it with you like a bathroom scale chained to your ankle as you go through your day.”Read more.

2. Athleticism and Femininity: Can They Co-Exist? — Breaking MuscleThis piece features 5 Mental Strategy Exercises (MSE) to help women embrace both their athleticism and femininity. “Often femininity and athleticism seem like two separated worlds and, truth be told, they are if we have not yet found our own convergence. A lack of knowing this convergence point can lead to separations of ‘self’ and a deep rooted internal conflict of wanting to be both feminine and athletic and not seeing their compatibility.” Read more.

3. What To Do When the Thin Ideal Sneaks In — Weightless
I’ve linked to excellent posts from Margarita Tartakovsky before; she writes with honesty, compassion, and a sense of lightness that can sometimes be lacking when we women start digging into body image stuff. In this piece, she begins with her characteristic honesty, then offers some practical tips for what to do if the Thin Witch starts dogging you. “I need exercise in my life on a regular basis…. But what I’ve noticed is that the more I exercise, the more the thin ideal starts sneaking in. And the longer I spend looking in the mirror, examining the presence of physical differences…. As a body image blogger, I honestly feel ashamed writing the above words. Like I should know better.” Read more.

4. How to End It Once and For All — SFGateThis isn’t about body image in particular. Instead, this piece (written by Mark Morford, the author of Daring Spectacle: Adventures in Deviant Journalism) is a call-to-arms to make the changes you need to live the life you want. “I’m reading the wildly tragic news that upwards of 42 percent of Americans will be obese in another handful of years – 11 percent morbidly so – a sort of ridiculous, horrifying statistic that invites all sorts of grave and depressing questions: What the hell is wrong with us? Why can we not see what’s happening? Why are we so lost in fear, marketing lies and miseducation that we wrap ourselves in thick, heavy folds of our own corpulent flesh to protect ourselves? What are we so afraid of? It’s a conundrum tied to an enigma wrapped in deep-fried bacon of mystery: We are so endlessly wealthy and bountiful, we are so toxic and heavy and sad.” Read more.

5. Why I Quit Dieting — Body Positive Yoga
Amber is a badass, and her post is overflowing with great ideas for how we can treat ourselves better. I had trouble picking a quote to represent her piece because it’s all so good. I chose this one, because it’s so similar to the questions I’ve been asking myself lately. “One day, I started asking the question, ‘why?’ Why did I think that being thin was necessary? Why do we all want to lose 20 pounds? Why do we want to have less cellulite, have blemish-free skin, silky hair, fashionable clothes, a bigger house, a toned yoga butt? This simple question “why” blew my whole world apart….” Read more.

6. Uncomfortable in our Skin: The Body-Image Report — The Observer
This is a fascinating report on the pressures that distort the way we think and feel about ourselves. “Body image is a subjective experience of appearance. It’s an accumulation of a lifetime’s associations, neuroses and desires, projected on to our upper arms, our thighs. At five, children begin to understand other people’s judgement of them. At seven they’re beginning to show body dissatisfaction. As adults 90% of British women feel body-image anxiety. And it doesn’t wane – many women in their 80s are still anxious about the way their bodies look…” Read more.

7. She’s 350 Pounds and Olympics-Bound — The New York Times Magazine
This is a profile piece on the fantastic Holly Mangold, who represented the United States on the weight lifting team at the Olympics in London. I like this piece because in many ways, her weight is an asset. Tiny girls cannot clean-and-jerk 562 pounds. “Not all lifters are big, but the women who compete in the 75-kilo-plus category tend to be huge. Mangold enjoys this. ‘I don’t want to be small,’ she said. ‘That would be awful. Nobody remembers the skinny girl’s name.’ Read more.

8. Be Good To Yourself, Inside and Out — Whole9
The smarty-pants behind the Whole30 do a reality check in body image ideals. Sure, maybe we’re past wanting to be “skinny,” but have we just replaced that with a different, but still idealized, ideal? “Shooting for an ideal makes you stop listening to your body. When you stop listening to your body, you break your focus on overall health. When you stop focusing on your overall health, you sabotage your new, healthy relationship with food and eating. When you sabotage your new relationship with food and eating, you are back to square one.” Read more.

Thanks for this… its as if we have identical minds on some days! Seems like ever since my thyroid meltdown in 2008 things have been a similar path. Just yesterday was another “Let’s try adding x” to my protocol for trying to find out why my body feels horrendous, yet my lab results are “normal”…

Downloaded it this week and helped perk me up before an early gym session.

5-10lbs up or down effects me. Its a work in progress and deffinitely effects my confidence. Growing up my grandmother, mom, and aunts were always commenting on the way I look so it has always been something I struggle with…we are all in this together!

Ahhhhh, I love this post and I so empathize. I spent the better part of the last year rehabbing myself from a cascade of injuries that I’m sure was years in the making. I went from being a hard core CrossFitter and martial artists, to not being able to hold a grocery bag at my side without being in pain. Now, after a year of diligent and mindful training, rest, and recovery, I am again hitting lifting PRs. But there are some things I will never do again…and certainly some clothes I will never WEAR again. And then there’s that 10lbs that’s hanging out that I really just want to go away. *sigh* But I know in my heart I am probably healthier than I’ve ever been, even if I am less “fit” and less thin.

Thanks for posting. It’s a nice reminder to all of us what it means to be comfortable in our skin while working to be the best we can be. I’ve bookmarked this post and plan on reading all the articles you’ve suggested.

Great bunch of posts and some new sites to check out! It’s so hard in this society to focus on internal health instead of outward physical appearance but at the end of the day I’d rather have my health than my “ideal body”, which isn’t a real thing anyway. Keep going! 🙂

Thanks! I am 44 – a CF Owner/coach and am struggling with hormonal change.. I am eating better than ever and my midline is pooching out. It is hard to draw the line between what fitness is and what it should look like. I was just telling a gal today, that if my athletes are paying me to coach them, they expect me to be in a certain shape. Struggles!

With the disclaimer that I don’t understand women generally and I further don’t understand their physiology, hormones, etc., I will say that I believe most of us tend to make “it” too hard.

Without being asked, my one and a half cents:

Workouts-
Strength train as you have, focusing on the fundamental lifts. Met-con approx 3 times a week in the 10-12 minute range. These can be done on the same day and perhaps even at your old CF gym. Other days, hit the yoga, long walks and play, as needed. If you are lower on energy one day, that’s not a good day to met-con.

Nutrition (not “diet”)-
Paleo on the low carb side (due to weightloss goals). Don’t weigh/measure. Up your protein to allow for good strength-building workouts. Consume the majority of your daily carbs PWO. Good fats in smart amounts.

Most of all, enjoy life, be greatful and have a little fun here and there.

I need to respond to some of your recommendations to help readers remember that the paleo framework must be adapted to their individual situations.

What you’ve outlined is a really solid, general paleo framework — and I agree that for most people, that’s an ideal place to start and it may get their bodies exactly where they want to be.

However, my situation is complex, and some of your recommendations will not work for me and can be detrimental.

For context for you and other readers:
– I had my thyroid removed in 2008. Not having a thyroid creates all kinds of complications not experienced by people with a functioning thyroid — and that influences both training and nutrition.

– I have a history of obesity and have lost 50 lbs. two times in my life. That changes how my hormonal systems will work forever. It sucks, but that’s one of the things I have to live with.

– I’m currently working with a doctor to correct my thyroid medication, adrenal burnout, and low testosterone — all of which impact how I train and eat.

So… having said that…

Yes, strength training is essential, and I do 2 sessions per week: Deadlifts + overhead press, squats + bench press. I also supplement with DB work and body weight stuff.

I’m working up to 2 short met-cons per week, but for myself and other readers with adrenal or thyroid issues, this is important: MORE IS NOT BETTER. It is absolutely essential to recover completely from metcons and to keep them under 20 minutes. Any more than that is too stressful for your system and will be counter-productive.

My recommendation, based on research and my personal experience is that lower than 100g of carbs per day is too low. I get really frustrated when paleo practitioners make blanket statements that the way to fat loss is low-carb, because it’s not true for everyone. We must all be cautious about the recommendations we make — context matters.

I also take issue with the blanket statement to not weigh and measure. I agree 100% that if things are functioning properly, our bodies give us the messages we need to eat the right amounts. But if there is any hormonal disruption, the communication breaks down. Additionally, without a record there’s no way to track what needs to be changed.

I don’t recommend weighing and measuring and food logging for everyone. I don’t even recommend it for most people, but data leads to understanding patterns and provides context to make adjustments as necessary, particularly when dealing with a medical issue.

As part of my treatment right now, I need to track my energy, my temperature, and my pulse. It’s essential that I know how much sleep I’ve gotten in relation to how much I’ve eaten in relation to how my energy and mood are feeling. There’s no way to track all of that without specificity — and trust me, dealing with having no thyroid requires specificity — at least until I get my dose of hormones correct.

So, Tom… I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m picking on you. I love when you comment on my posts.

It’s really important for readers to remember that all of these guidelines — how to eat, when, how much, how to train, when, how much — are subject interpretation, based on individual’s needs. We’re all unique snowflakes.

I wish more than you can know that I could happily do everything you outlined, but some of that stuff would work against me.

I enjoy the discussion and look at it more so as education for me rather than “picking.” I know I come off as picking as well, which is certainly not my intent.

I am a not a doctor (or a woman) and don’t even play one on TV. I do tend to think those of us who care about out health sometimes over-analyze. I am example #1. I won’t create my own blog but I went from 230# (ex college football player) to the “healthy” weight of 120#. I am not 3 feet tall. I have managed to get back to 175# through much trial and error and self-evaluation that has sometimes done more harm than good.

I certainly don’t mean to jump on your toes and apologize if I have. Love the blog and really continue reading because I am rooting for you to find that happy place.

Thank you so much for the post. I am a new reader, and am in love with your blog! I think we all feel the need to be better, thinner, more perfect, etc than we already are…and that is a lot of pressure! Thank you for putting things into perspective in such an eloquent way 🙂 Can’t wait to read more!

What a great post. Having fought those demons in my teenage years; this is a topic of which I feel strongly. Sometimes I still crinkle my nose when I look in the mirror; but I no longer beat myself up. Instead, I make decisions that move me in a positive direction and I take pride in who I am.
As Maya Angelou says,
“It’s in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I’m a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me. “

I’ve been paleo for a while and lost the initial water weight as I expected but have not lost any more. I did a whole 30 in July to jumpstart my weight loss again to no avail. I have extended it until the end of September with high hopes 🙂

I go to crossfit and build up crazy amounts of muscle that is smothered in the fat I haven’t lost yet…but I’m really strong!

I eat meat, coconut oil, vegetables, home made mayonaise, eggs with yolks, avocado, very little fruit, no whole grains, no dairy and sometimes a sweet potato, but only if I’ve worked out…so many people are saying this is the way to lose weight so I’m keeping at it despite how heavy it seems!

I guess in the grand scheme of things, if we are really thinking of paleo in terms of history, I probably do look quite a bit like a paleo woman….strong, healthy, great skin, kick ass attitude, beautiful confidence, stumpy muscular legs, saggy boobs, a little extra hair and a lower belly gut.

I love myself but dammit it’s 2012 and I want to fit in some jeans without spilling over the top!!

I think that Melissa’s response to Tom up there is perfect for what you’re going through too. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to nutrition, because we are all so different. Yes, some things you can blanket – we all need to get enough nutrients into our bodies! But the balance of fats, carbs, proteins, sugars… All of that changes from person to person, based on so many variables. Keep that awesome attitude! I hope you find your perfect place ASAP and enjoy those jeans 🙂

I <3 you Doppelgänger! (oh, cool how your spellcheck added the 2 dots over the 'a')

I will definitely be bookmarking this one for future reference. I can absolutely relate to your struggles in my own way and I know many (if not most) women need a good reminder that self-love and acceptance are what truly lead to a more fulfilling life…not the number on a scale or the size of your jeans.

Thank you for this collection. I don’t have time to read everything today, but I’m looking forward to future positivity!

I was struck by the Whole 9 quote “Shooting for an ideal makes you stop listening to your body. When you stop listening to your body, you break your focus on overall health.” It’s not just body image – I’ve had a goal of hiking a Colorado 14er (a mountain with a peak above 14,000 ft) by Labor Day for the last year. Labor Day came and went and I still haven’t felt like I’m in good enough shape to accomplish it. Earlier this summer I pushed myself too hard (sleep, stress, workouts) and got heat exhaustion on what would normally have been a SUPER EASY hike. I need to remind myself that I’ll climb that mountain when I’m ready, and I don’t need to set a timetable to this effort.

At 32 I had a bi-lateral mastectomy due to a breast cancer diagnosis. Then i got tons of melasma on my face from hormone changes due to a year of chemo. Then I had two babies 9 years later after being told it would never happen. I’ve survived and thirived, working out and eating clean paleo, but have days i’m more obsessed with the scars, brown spots and cellulite – its insane i know – but seems like we all fall prey to it. Your post is empowering and a great reminder that a healthy body is the best body! Thank you awesome lady!

Thanks for your honesty Mel. We all know that it shouldn’t matter how we look, the number on the scale etc but it’s so ingrained in every woman’s psyche. I manage a gym and see it every single day. A few years ago when I was really unwell I lost 10kgs (very rapidly) and I’d be rich if I had a dollar for every person that commented on how amazing I looked. I felt like I was gonna die!!! And I re your follow up comments I totally agree with the low carb protocol not working for everyone. I’ve found I get depressed if my carbs are too low. I can’t explain the science behind that but I FEEL it. I hear your frustration and totally understand it. It’s hard when your body doesn’t do what it’s meant to do. Stay focused girlfriend and I’m sure you’re gonna get there xxx

One of my favorite shows is The Big Bang Theory, and the really quirky main character has “offended” the female lead by saying things weight related and his comment back to her is always “Oh, I’m sorry. Did I insult you? Is your body mass somehow tied into your self worth?”

It just makes me laugh and reminded me of this post. We all struggle with these things, not that it makes it any better, but you’re certainly not alone. I look forward to reading these posts!

For me, I think being thinner represents feeling younger, like having this faux accomplishment of “I am at my high school weight” as if that is really something bragworthy. It’s also a cultural thing. Thinness and youth are worshiped in this society. If you do not have those, you might as well be nothing in terms of anyone paying attention to you. It is a sad reality, and all I can say is that I am glad I have a significant other, otherwise I would be incredibly depressed because I am no longer in my 20s!

Great post! I totally hear you. BEEN there! Hell, I’m circling the neighbourhood now. It’s so goddamned hard. At work I am way fitter and stronger than probably every woman here (most of whom are 10-15 years younger) and yet they have smaller waists and wear smaller clothes. My diet is nothing like theirs (I eat very clean paleo too). So that can be a bitter pill to swallow but I can’t change my body shape (a big-chested, broad-shouldered apple, not a narrow pear) any more than I can change the fact that my rock hard calves make theirs look like twigs! I take the good with the bad. 🙂

There was a time in my life when I picked apples for a living. I worked 5 1/2 days a week, 8 hours a day, going up and down a ladder with a bag filled with around 40 pounds of apples. I never weighed less than 180 (pre Paleo, so who knows what it would have been like if I had been eating differently). Whenever I feel bad about what shape I’m in or how much I weigh, I think about how much I weighed when I was in the best physical shape of my life. I’m a lot more gentle with myself. I’m older now, my knees and feet are banged up so I’m less active and my job now has me sitting all day. I realize that an hour at the gym may improve my muscle tone, but it’s not going to make me skinny or athletic. My body is what it is. All I can do is fed it well and work on being more active.

You are an inspiration to a lot of folks, at your current weight and with that perceived less-than-perfect body. It seems to me that you are doing a great job of taking care of yourself and you seem to have a guy that loves you as you are. You can bet that those women that you think of as perfect also feel that they have flaws. So let go of that desire for perfection!

Thank you for such a great post on a topic that is near and dear to many women I’m sure….. including me! I look forward to reading every single one link. LOOOOOOOOVE your blog. Oh and Well Fed is my bible! Can’t wait for the next book. Keep up the great work!

Dear Mel, I’m also living without thyroid. In the beginning it was hard, and I struggled. But now I am leaner than before, thanks to two factors. First: Natural thyroid hormones. For more information, go to stopthethyroidmaddness.com . I don’t agree with everything they say, but it gives you the general idea of wht I’m talking about and also helps you for point two: get educated. As much as you can. Just like living paleo, the more you know about it the more you can make the right choices for yourself / your body.
If you want to, you can email me.
Hugs from Switzerland
Satasha

This post spoke oodles to me. It home in a big way. Especially, Ladies Please by Scott Abel. I printed it and read it last night and by the time I finished the post I was sobbing. That is me to a “T”. Today I have vowed to be nicer to myself, evaluate each and everything that I put into my mouth and be aware of the horrible advertising around me. Thank you for posting these great sites and speaking to many of us.

Posts like this are another reason why I love your blog (well, it is mostly because of your food, but still…) I was trying on some jackets last night, and my arms dont fit. I IMMEDIATELY flipped out and resolved to eat half of everything, and purge my fridge of the ALL THE BAD THINGS (I have some parmagiana reggiano and cheddar in there) and add another exercise session. This reminds me…I know how to take care of myself, and if I do that, good results will come. I just need to eat well, sleep, WOD and work on stress (and lo and behold, the first three help with the last). And if my arms have gotten bigger…well, that’s what happens when I can press more. Thank you.

Wonderful post and links! This is something I’m really struggling with, too. Especially the part about not looking how someone would expect with how much I work out. I CrossFit regularly and have run 2 marathons in the past, but you probably wouldn’t know it by looking at me. I’ve always felt that was so unfair.

Recently going through a Whole30 has really helped change my focus from trying to restrict and lose weight to trying to love and nourish my body. I’m feeling much more at peace with it, but I definitely still have my days. It’s nice to know that we’re not alone in our struggles 🙂

Hi Mel, just spending a lovely lazy Friday night reading through some of your posts. Just read ‘How to end it once and for all’ (Mark Murford) and just had to say that I love this….

Offer something to your gods. Tear up that old iPhoto library. Go on a cleanse. Wander oceanside, write yourself a mantra, repeat it 108 times, then tear it up and toss it to the waves, into the fire, into the compost pile. Swipe your hand across your heart, your crotch, your eyes, anywhere energy cords attach and suck the goddamn life force out of you. Purge. Cleanse. Burn. Ignite anew. What, too hippie? Too New Agey? I don’t mind. Neither will your gods.

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