Self Help -
Affirmations: What They Are and How We Can Make Them Work
for Us

Affirmations: What They Are
and How We Can Make Them Work for Us
By Vijai P. Sharma, Ph.D

Affirmations and visualization are important tools with
which we can change ourselves and the world around us.

Our thoughts shape us who we are. Behind every action
there is a thought. We are what we think. We become what we
think all day long. The mind utilizes images and words to
think, remember and reason. The words we speak influence our
brain. Positive words and thoughts can influence us in a
positive way and negative words and thoughts can influence
us negatively. We can refer to them as "positive self-talk"
and "negative self-talk." Self-affirmations are nothing but
self-talk.

What we say to ourselves can be just silent speech or out
loud words we say to ourselves. Both have similar effects on
our brain. What many people don't realize is that we talk to
ourselves silently all the time. For the most part we talk
negatively to ourselves. It is not some transient negative
self-talk. We hold negative talk SESSIONS with ourselves.
According to one report, in our silent self-talk we make
about 9 negative statements to ourselves but only one
positive statement on average. Children hear "No" from their
parents thirteen times and "Yes" only one time. So as we
grow, we learn to think in such terms as, "I can't do this,"
"I won't get it" or "It won't work out." Since, we hear
negative stuff all the time and have heard it all our lives,
negative talk becomes our "automatic behavior." An automatic
behavior is that that we do without thinking or below the
level of self-awareness. We tend to think most of the time
without thinking. How about doing some thinking about
thinking itself?

What we say to ourselves matters! Many cultures of the
past or even present have a taboo about saying anything bad
because they fear it will come to pass. They are not
supposed to say anything bad will happen to them or their
loved ones. One may laugh at such beliefs and call them
"superstitions" but there just might be some truth in such
beliefs. Perhaps, these cultures had some idea that people's
minds are influenced by what they say and then the mind
works to transform those words into becoming realities. If
negative words can produce negative outcomes, it can be
argued that positive outcomes can result from saying
positive things to ourselves over and over again.

Affirmations are saying the same thing over and over
again. Even if you don't believe right now that you can ever
achieve those things that your affirmations say you will
achieve. Repeat those affirmations enough number of times so
you can start believing them. Who was that who once said
something to the effect that if you repeat a lie enough
number of times, people will accept it to be truthful.

Many people think that self-affirmations are "corny",
"cheesy" and childish. Why is it that some don't use such
pejorative terms for their negative self-talk? Why the
positive self-talk should be regarded childish or corny? Is
negative talk a sign of maturity? No, it is not! But, we
tend to think grownups are supposed to be realistic and keep
everything toned down and saying anything self-supportive or
self-affirming would amount to babying ourselves.

Be aware that your negative mind will try to talk
yourself out of the positive self-talk or affirmations if
you will. It will mock you or say disparaging things. It
might tell you that if you say positive and self-affirming
things to yourself, you will become self-conceited and
people won't be able to stand you for your habit of beating
your own drums. Your mind might tell you that any effort to
change yourself or better your life would be futile. It
might say to you that no change in your circumstances is
possible because the odds are stacked up against you. Well,
you need to ask yourself "Who is stacking up those odds
against me?" The answer you might hear, "Of course me!"

What makes a good affirmation? A good self-affirmation is
that which is believable by you. If you can believe it, then
your brain and body can believe it and may decide to act on
it. When you believe yourself, the world around you can
believe in you. By that I mean people around you will begin
to see positive developments and changes in you. Affirmation
should be about achieving a goal YOU believe is attainable.
Design your affirmations about a concrete and specific
result or outcome you want to see happen. Or, it may be
about performing a behavior you are not able to perform
right now or improving on a quality or a skill which is not
at a satisfactory level right now.

Write down your affirmations. That's the first step. But,
writing down your affirmation is the easier part. More
difficult part is repeating them over and over again, days
after days and weeks after weeks. Even more difficult is
putting your heart and soul in those affirmations. For
example, when you say, "I like myself" but you don't really
create the feelings you should experience when you really
like someone, you are not being very self-affirming. So put
strong emotion into your affirmations.

When you repeat an affirmation, feel it in your body,
your heart and your soul. Half-hearted affirmations would
give you half-hearted results. Tell yourself you are not
kidding around. You mean business and you will make it
happen! Back up your affirmation with your action. Put your
money where your mouth is!

What makes an affirmation work or fail? Make sure you
write your affirmations in a positive language and present
tense. For example, if you were to say, "I don't want to be
a couch potato anymore" or "I don't want to be a
procrastinator anymore," you are not telling your brain as
to what do you really want to be right now. It is better to
say, "I am becoming active and energetic!" "I am an action
taker!" I act promptly and proactively.

Here are some of the reasons why your affirmations might
yield poor results:
1) You didn't put the right body language, emotions and
beliefs that should go with that affirmation.
2) You gave up too soon and practiced little.
3) There was more negative self-talk before and after the
affirmations, hence, positive affirmations were outweighed
by negative affirmations
4) You had plenty of talk with yourself, but you were short
on action or there was little correspondence between your
affirmations, emotions and actual actions. For example,
affirmation says, "I make healthy food choices" but made
faces at the sight of healthy food and hardly ever went to
the grocery store to buy healthy food, never found time to
cook healthy food at home and ate all the time at fast food
places.

Don't sell yourself short! Don't be sucked into the
tendency for self-discouragement such as, "Oh I have always
been shy. How can I ever be different? I would give anything
to be different, but it is not possible." To take another
example, you might be closing the doors on yourself for
prosperity by telling yourself, "I have always been poor. My
parents were poor. All I have known is poverty. So, there is
no point for wasting my words on ever becoming rich."

Einstein once said that your imagination is a preview of
the life's coming attractions. If you are shy, first you
have to be able to imagine that you are holding
conversations and enjoying it to overcome shyness. If you
are poor, you have to first imagine what you would be like
as a happy person or a rich person. Imagination leads to
thinking of the ways that can make that imagination a
reality. Imagination is nothing but visualization of
something you have not yet experienced. Dr. Norman Vincent
Peale used to say "Visualize in order to materialize." When
you can imagine having achieved what you truly desire, your
mind begins to think of ways to get you there in reality.

When you verbalize and visualize something over and over
again, it begins to sink in the mind. The term, "sinking in
the mind" means that what we are saying is becoming a part
of our subconscious. Repetitions make inroads into our
deeper mind. When you hold something in your mind for a long
time and you repeat affirmations over and over again for a
long time, perhaps you might begin to dream about new life
and a new you. You begin to think about them in your sleep
and semi-sleep and wake up with thoughts related to them.
They begin to sit there in your subconscious mind and may
prompt appropriate actions.

How often should I repeat the affirmations? Until it
comes true! If a goal or an outcome is that important to
you, keep on doing it until it comes true! Bear in mind what
you are up against. If your affirmation consists of
developing a new behavior or habit that is opposite to a
lifelong habit, then it would take a decent length of time.
Bear in mind that affirmations often might have to be
repeated for weeks rather than days. How long do you repeat
them and how long do they occupy your conscious mind? What
occupies the conscious mind for a good bit of time filters
down to the subconscious!

How do you know if your affirmations are doing any good
to you? Be careful how you measure progress. Register even a
small increment of progress. Against a life- long firmly
entrenched trait or habit such as shyness or
procrastination, even infinitesimal progress is progress
indeed and needs to be celebrated.

How do I fight off negative thoughts against positive
affirmations? Become an expert in identifying your negative
thoughts quickly and instantly rather than spending the
whole afternoon or morning and then realizing, "Oh my! I
have been thinking nothing but negative thoughts and casting
doubts and self- aspersions on myself all this time1" Stop
them quickly before they leave too many "foot prints" on
your mental ground.

Instead of "fighting" with your negative thoughts, just
be aware and watch them. Don't get sucked into them. Stay
away and watch. Then, simply go back to your affirmations as
a counter measure.

Tips for increasing the chances that your affirmation
will come to pass:
a) Generate strong feelings and emotions that go with your
affirmations.
b) Let your body feel how you would feel if your
affirmations have come true
Right now. For example, stand steady, tall and strong if
your affirmation concerns winning an award for a
performance.
c) Relax and breathe fully and deeply with your abdomen when
repeating your affirmations.
d) Back your affirmations up with action
e) Always, counter negative affirmations that negate your
positive affirmation

Here is an example of a person who utilized affirmations
to change her eating behaviors and develop new health
habits:

"K" has struggled with her weight for last two decades.
She knows she should eat healthy and exercise. But she
doesn't get down to eat healthy or do exercise with any
consistency. If she gets started at all, she would quit in a
matter of just a few days. She is aware that she keeps
procrastinating actions related to eating healthy and
exercise regularly. She acknowledges she really likes the
taste of junk food and at the end of the day, enjoys putting
her feet up on the table and watch TV rather than exercise.
She describes herself in negative labels, "I am just a
procrastinator" or "I am too lazy to exercise in the night"
and uses them to explain to herself why she doesn't stick to
a plan. But hates her weight, hates herself being that way
and doesn't want to go out or socialize because of her
embarrassment with her weight. This has caused problems in
the marriage because her husband wants to go out and
entertain friends at home. She is afraid of exercising

She developed goals for liking herself in spite of her
weight. She decided she would eat healthy and in small
portions and not focus on any diet plan or banishing any
specific foods. That she wanted to be active and energetic
and healthy rather than slim or loose specific number of
weight. However, it was important to her to have a number
like loose one pound a week. So, she wrote her affirmations
consistent with these goals. She rehearsed these
affirmations with the right body language and emotions. She
also taped them so she could listen to them when she was
getting ready for work or doing household chores.

She then began to stand in front of the mirror and repeat
affirmations about how likeable, funny and attractive person
she was. Because why would you do anything for someone you
were really embarrassed or disgusted with? She would in
front of the mirror act, stand, and walk around and feel
that she really was attractive, funny and likeable. She
practiced to smile on the negative thoughts and focus on her
affirmations.

She put in her daily/weekly plan to buy healthy food and
cook at home. She set a specific time for exercise first
thing in the morning before going to work so the other
demands would not encroach on her exercise time. She hated
to exercise because she was totally out of practice. She
developed a strategy to start with a mild exercise and
started with five minutes exercise. Once she broke the
5-minute barrier, she kept on increasing the time and
intensity of her exercise.

First she had to do her affirmations many times a day or
all the time in her silent thoughts. She had to move herself
to action by repeating to herself, "Move. Get on with it.
Now is the time," etc. She would hear music in her head to
make her feel like dancing or doing something. She would hum
or whistle to get into the spirit of starting her exercises.

Six months have passed. She is working with her plans.
She doesn't have to do her affirmations now except
occasionally silently tell herself to persist with her
program. Now it has become very much a part of her daily
routine.

In summation, put your money where your mouth is.
Affirmations without action are mere words. Develop a
strategy for action and a strategy how you would act towards
your goal every day in some way. Affirmations without strong
corresponding emotions are also mere words! Put your heart
and soul into it.

Start today! Take some action today. That's the secret of
getting started.