Friday, September 08, 2006

LOST IN SUBURBIA™ by Tracy Beckerman

OVERHEARD AT THE BECKERMAN FAMILY DINNER TABLE...

“What’s this stuff, Mom?”“
That’s meatloaf.”
“Ewww. I don’t like it.”
“How do you know? You haven’t even tried it yet.”
“I can tell.”
“How can you tell?”
“Because its brown and it smells funny.”
“It doesn’t smell funny. It’s just like hamburger. You like hamburger.”
“It doesn’t look like hamburger.”
“Here, try it with some ketchup.”
“Can I put the ketchup on my mashed potatoes?”
“(Sigh.) If you want.”
“How come there are bumpy things in my mashed potatoes?”
”Because it’s homemade.”
“I don’t like bumpy things. I like it smooth.”
“It tastes the same.”
“NO. The bumpy things don’t feel good in my mouth.”
“Here. I’ll scoop the bumpy things out.”
“Do I have to eat the Broccoli?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
”Because green things make you grow.”
“Can’t I just eat my boogers instead.”
“Uch. That’s disgusting. NO. Buggers don’t count.”
“How come.”
“Because they don’t have the same vitamins in them.”
“Can’t I just take my chewable vitamins instead.”
“No. If you want to qualify for dessert, you have to eat some broccoli.”
“What’s for dessert?”
“Fruit.”
“THAT'S not dessert! Dessert is supposed to be junky.”
“Well, tonight dessert is fruit.”
“If we’re having fruit for dessert, then I’m not going to eat the broccoli.”
“Do what you want.”
“FINE. I WILL! (Pause) Look mom, I ate all my broccoli!”
“No you didn’t. You threw it on the floor and the dog ate it.”
“I didn’t throw it on the floor. It fell when I was scooping it into my mouth.”
“Every piece fell when you scooped them into your mouth?”
“Yeah.”
“But none of the mashed potatoes fell, right?”
”That stuff stuck to my fork better.”
“I’ll get you some more broccoli.”
“No that’s OK. I’m full and Daddy says I don’t have to eat any more when I’m full, so I’ll just have dessert now.”
“You’re too full for dinner but you have room for dessert?”
”Yeah, dessert goes into a different part of my stomach where there’s more room.
”“Is that so?”
“Hey mom, what are you eating?”
“Tums.”