Pages

Monday, December 30, 2013

Wife Requests An Open Marriage As Alternative To Divorce

Dear Tazi:

My husband and I have been together since we were 12 years old and were married while we we still just teenagers. I thought we had the kind of marriage that would last forever, but I am starting to think I was wrong. Lately, it seems everything that "Hunter" does annoys me, and I am starting to get out of the house with my girlfriends much more often just to get away from him.

Lately, I have been going to a local bar for karaoke and dancing, and I am discovering all the things I missed by marrying young - including the opportunity to date other men. Now, I don't have my eye on any one man in particular, but there are several that have expressed interest in me if I was interested! I don't particularly want to get divorced - I have young children and I don't want to screw them up, plus we would have to sell our house, divide our financial assets, and it is just easier to stay married. Plus, I really like my in-laws and I do still love my husband...I just want more.

I was reading an article in one of my magazines written by someone who has an open marriage, and I think I would like to give it a try! The more I think about it, the more it makes sense; an open marriage would let Hunter and I develop relationships with other people so we won't be at each other's throats all of the time. I think an open marriage would help Hunter and me appreciate each other more. Plus, I could go out dancing and have fun with other men and not feel guilty about wanting to go home with one of them when they ask me (so far, I have always said no, but I have wanted to say yes!).

I brought my idea up to Hunter and he has a different opinion than me on this subject. He went through the roof, accused me of wanting to cheat and said it's just as bad as cheating, and told me he would divorce me before he allowed me to start sleeping around with other men. Well excuse me, but I don't recall needing his permission to sleep with other men! He said that part was covered in our marriage vows and suggested that maybe I have forgotten what they said. Tazi, I have not forgotten; I just think that I will be better able to honor my husband if I had a little more excitement in my life! I have seriously thought this through and just need a convincing argument to get Hunter to go along with it. As I said, we have been together since we were kids and we are both 25 now. I like to think that my oen marriage idea will help us to grow as a couple, but Hunter thinks it will just tear us apart. What do you think?

The next time you go out to a bar to dance or sing karaoke, why not ask your husband if he would like to come along? You seem to be fixated on all of the things you never got the chance to do because you married young. Did you ever think that maybe your husband feels like he missed out on something, too? His unhappiness could be why everything he does seems to annoy you.

You say that you are afraid that a divorce will mess up your children. Do you think having a mother who sleeps around is going to help them grow into well-adjusted adults? Do you really think your in-laws, who you claim to really like, are going to want to have anything to do with you if you turn into a philanderer? If you are only staying in your marriage for the financial benefits you are not being fair to anyone - your husband, your children, or yourself. You owe it to your family to try and work on your marriage before seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

I suggest that you make a list of the reasons you fell in love with your husband. How many of those reasons still exist? People change as they grow, and if you and your husband have not grown together you need to find the place where your paths changed direction and work towards coming together as a couple once more. This will not be easy - or as fun as flirting with random men who are looking for a one-night stand - but the process will lead to a renewed sense of fulfillment in your marriage.

I strongly suggest you seek counseling to deal with your marital issues as well as the problems within yourself. Why do you enjoy the attention from strangers so much that you would be willing to throw away your marriage in order to take your flirtations to the next step? All in all, you must remember that your husband can make decisions, too...and if you decide to start stepping out on him with other men, he may decide to step out on you - permanently. He has already threatened to divorce you; do not doubt that he will follow through with this threat and make your decisions from there.

Snuggles,
Tazi

Ask Tazi! is ghostwritten by a human with Bachelors degrees in Communications and in Gender and Women's Studies. Tazi-Kat is not really a talking feline.