It's May! It's May! The lusty month of May!

When Queen Guinevere sang the sultry song from the award-winning movie version of "Camelot," she made the merry month of May sound positively marvelous.

But, let's face it, as queen of Camelot, Guin had nothing better to do with her time than have her subjects gently push her back and forth on a swing, play coy games with Lancelot and pick flowers for her hair.

Meanwhile King Arthur was busy back at ye old castle with his knights and round table duties which included organizing important jousting contests and seeking pearls of wisdom from Merlin.

For those of us who don't have a regal bone in our bodies, May may mean mayhem.

Between high school and college graduation commencements, dance recitals, musicals, talent shows, business banquets, end-of-the-year parties and Brownie awards ceremonies all squeezed into one short month, many folks feel frazzled.

Now, try doing all of the above in 90-degree weather, smiling, in heels, squeezed into last year's too tight dress.

Stir in May Day, Mother's Day and Memorial Day and you'll have the recipe for a full-blown fiasco.

If 100 special events aren't enough, better prepare for the busloads of hungry out-of-town relatives who'll arrive just in time for the festivities.

Leslie, whose daughter is graduating from high school this May, has already begun preparing for her senior's big day.

"We reserved rooms at the Holiday Inn for all of the relatives," Leslie confirmed. "And, we are taking everyone out to dinner before graduation."

Leslie said that she would have to do some heavy-duty house cleaning before the troops arrived.

It seems that some people just have the knack for event planning and preparation.

Take my Mom for example. Mom's solution to most every problem, including crowd control, is a half of ham (pronounced haaf-a-haam with long a's. She's from Georgia).

Juggling five children's numerous activities was never a problem for Mom. At the same time that my sister was the Louisiana Gulf Coast Oil Expedition (LAGCOE) Queen in our small town, a BIG deal, my baby brother was still sipping on a bottle.

Mom simply took everything in stride. She thrived on the happy, constant chaos of family life.

I remember the sweet smell of ham basting in brown sugar and pineapple syrup wafting from the kitchen. Once Mom got the ham in the oven, all loose ends seemed to miraculously come together.

This ham habit did little to disperse the crowd though. In fact, more hungry people usually showed up.

Years ago, a whole ham accompanied Mom on a trip to Colorado … in a large purse. She and the ham flew the friendly skies (back when skies were friendly) on a vacation with the whole family, which, by then, included three strapping son-in-laws, and a couple of my brother's friends.

It wasn't that Colorado didn't have ham, but Mom was always concerned that everyone would be hungry before she had a chance to go to the grocery store. I guess she believed that we'd all begin to feel weak and start fainting if we went too long without some ham.

I asked her if she thought that in today's climate, she and her ham would make it through security at the airport.

"Probably not," said Mom. "I imagine they wouldn't let me take it on board."

Since Mom's hams were usually the size of a small hamlet, I told her she might be able to purchase a ticket for the thing. It could sit right beside her all buckled up just in case of turbulence.

Now days, Mom always sets off the metal detectors with her double knee implants. She smiles broadly, then pulls up her pants legs to reveal two symmetrical scars.

Mom loves to tell strangers about "The Operation." Often, the security agents and the National Guard aren't in the mood to listen.

After years of navigating through the tumultuous month of May, Mom shared a few tips for smooth sailing.

First, buy a half a ham.

Next, if the gang is coming over, don't kill yourself cleaning, just hit the middle. People usually don't notice corners. Heavy cleaning should be delayed … permanently.

Lastly, enjoy the mayhem and the month of May. Smile, take lots of pictures of your loved ones and, by all means, wear flats!