THOUGH JUST A DAY PAST ITS SELL-BY, IT DOES SMELL A BIT IFFY.

HOVIS BEST OF BOTH

Strangely, it’s not really the worst of both either. It’s sort of like a duvet made of just the bobbles that come off socks or every Jude Law film ever made: beige, lumpy, lacking in drive in any direction in particular, ultimately irritating.

It’s an insult to anyone that has really seen anything that has combined seemingly disparate elements to glorious effect. No, further: it’s in fact an insult to optimism as a concept.

If Hovis Best of Both is intended not as a foodstuff but a bold statement of racial harmony, realised through the medium of starch, then it’s even more of a dismal failure.

Alternatively, Hovis are producing propaganda openly advocating a segregationist system. As a Yorkshireman, I cannot be comfortable with this, so let’s just say it’s a really, really crappy bread.