Monday, March 9, 2009

Back at me

Painful irony. I used to laugh at people for all of their misfortune and everything that comes in exactly at the worst timing. Not at any person particularly, probably just the sacarcsm of event. How things that evolve around us play a silly embarassing joke back at us, and how human turns out to be so helpless and dumb founded. Who knows that somehow it would turn its target on me. Not so funny now isn't it. Actually it still is, and not for the first time I found myself smiling painfully at my reflection.

What a strange place this is. What strange circumstances am I in. There is just so much things that I might have do them in such different way. I do wonder if it is the environment that push me to such an extend that I have no control and choice, or is it just me giving in to the helplessness that crawls in. Yes, I am uncontrollably emotional at times, it is not easy at all to be at a foreign piece of land with nothing familiar with you. Not one piece of my life feels in place with these people and places. No name rings a bell, no voice that tempt me to turn around to see and certainly no place there is that I can call home.

What am I doing here? Why am I even here? I should be at home. These changes and sceneries and people and places and every bit of strange detail is making things so complicated. Why do people say things and feel things and want things so foreign and weird?! What is wrong with me...

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"People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within." Elizabeth Kubler-Ross