5. The Duck King and Queen return to claim their throne from the Robertson usurpers, ushering in 100 years of peace between man and fowl, even the gay ones. Bestiality still not cool, though. Ducks think we're gross.

6. People start really connecting again without the Internet, forcing the NSA to plant microphones in board games.

7. The government closes Guantanamo and transfers the prisoners to places we've never heard of or have to ever think about again. Mmmmm, sweet ignorance.

8. Obama and Boehner get into a screaming match and then start furiously making out.

9. Miley Cyrus stops her reign of destruction and makes a video where she rebuilds that house she destroyed.

2013: In like a lamb, out like a wrecking ball.

10. The Sochi Olympics breaks out into a massive, spontaneous song-and-dance number filled with feather boas and led by Neil Patrick Harris.