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"HIV affects anyone who is promiscuous and sleazy and doesn't look after their health"...

what is it, 1982? Why does that site act as such a lightning rod for the nasteist, most vile elements of the gay community? Who are these people who crawl out of the woodwork on it?

Why does this site sometimes get trolled, or people who have multiple accounts for and with banned people, or people whi end up not even having HIV?

It's the internet. The best and the worst of humanity.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

It seems to get a lot of those trolls though. I can only blame myself for continuing to visit, but the mentality some of its trolls exhibit is just weird. Is this typical of how most negative gay men think? Honestly, for all my faults, I never would have said that about poz people when I was neg---seemed bad karma if nothing else. In retrospect, I'm glad that I wasn't so monsterous as I have a small...very small...group of friends who I can open up with now. Don't get me wrong, I was the furthest thing from an activist and certainly had my own negative preconceptions...but chirst almighty, what is with some of these people?

Well, a certain percentage think that way. Usually very young and catty, whose own behavior in private neither reflects nor supports the self-righteous (and self-loathing) attitudes.

Internet makes it anonymous. So mean people can be meaner. Liars can lie more. And people who hate their own dark urges can judge faceless strangers without a shred of consequence.

There are some really cool, honest, genuine people on the web. About as many as you find in real life (read, far fewer than you 'd like). I have seen deception and bile on this site that would curl your ear hair. And no, I don't get it. Most folks I talk to attribute it to drugs, mainly meth or booze, and the remorse of having done the very things, been the very types of people they villify.

Why someone would, for example, pretend to be positive, join a forum, simply to log in day upon day and attack positive people is a pathology well beyond my pay grade. Why people still think HIV is a sign of promiscuity (like it can't happen with a single indiscretion, like it's a rewards program or something) is a mindset of the hopelessly immature.

I say hopeless not because people do not grow up, but it appears that some folks never grow into their own best selves. It can be hurtful and enraging and depressing all at the same time, but in the end we grow thicker skin, and they simply grow old and alone.

And in many cases, end up here (or wherever) looking for help and solace in the very arms they spit on. And the best of us are willing to give that help.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Maybe, but I have yet to meet a genuinely cool and decent person in person who was a total fuckwad online, except for people who did serious drugs and boozing and ended up with some equally serious issues.

People who have a vested interest in the integrity of a web site, moderator or not, help stem the troll tide a little. Mainly by not feeding them. Also by not letting them take root and grow. I applaud Ann and others for fighting that good fight here, every day.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I personally could care less what someone like that says or why. I know exactly who that type of person is and what they say, do or think I means nothing to me. I know who I am as a person and who the people are in my life whose opinion of me means a great deal. I have got far more important things to do than waste my time on trying to figure out anything about idiotic fuckers.

People who have a vested interest in the integrity of a web site, moderator or not, help stem the troll tide a little. Mainly by not feeding them. Also by not letting them take root and grow. I applaud Ann and others for fighting that good fight here, every day.

Ditto

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"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it." Nelson Mandela

Maybe, but I have yet to meet a genuinely cool and decent person in person who was a total fuckwad online, except for people who did serious drugs and boozing and ended up with some equally serious issues.

People who have a vested interest in the integrity of a web site, moderator or not, help stem the troll tide a little. Mainly by not feeding them. Also by not letting them take root and grow. I applaud Ann and others for fighting that good fight here, every day.

The actual theory is that being online amplifies the negative traits of your personality because there are no consequences or repercussions later on due to the anonymous nature of the internet. So that people who are perfectly tolerable in person can become completely intolerable online.

The actual theory is that being online amplifies the negative traits of your personality because there are no consequences or repercussions later on due to the anonymous nature of the internet. So that people who are perfectly tolerable in person can become completely intolerable online.

I'm curious how the person is quantifying "negative traits". Is there a fuckwad quotient?

I'd never heard of queerty but I don't see why that website should be any different than every other one. Even on bigger sites such as CNN some of the comments look like they belong on a bathroom stall of an elementary school.

The actual theory is that being online amplifies the negative traits of your personality because there are no consequences or repercussions later on due to the anonymous nature of the internet. So that people who are perfectly tolerable in person can become completely intolerable online.

Oh my gosh, I had never thought of it this way. A couple of years back when GAY.COM was a bigger deal a guy who I along with several of my friends knew and all of us had a high opinion of started harassing me and really saying some vile things about me in the general chat room. I was able to figure it out, because he knew one thing about me that no one else could possibly know. When talking with others he was doing the same thing to them.

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"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it." Nelson Mandela

Oh my gosh, I had never thought of it this way. A couple of years back when GAY.COM was a bigger deal a guy who I along with several of my friends knew and all of us had a high opinion of started harassing me and really saying some vile things about me in the general chat room. I was able to figure it out, because he knew one thing about me that no one else could possibly know. When talking with others he was doing the same thing to them.

Ahhh, gay.com, the apex of homosexual self-denial. Now you take me back! The last time I checked, there were 300 men chatting, of which 298 claimed they were HIV- and the remaining two didn't list their status.

Ahhh, gay.com, the apex of homosexual self-denial. Now you take me back! The last time I checked, there were 300 men chatting, of which 298 claimed they were HIV- and the remaining two didn't list their status.

They would all have barebacked one another, and you, provided you did not proclaim your tainted status. More people are actually ANGRY when someone brings up HIV than not, on those sites, in those rooms.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

People who have a vested interest in the integrity of a web site, moderator or not, help stem the troll tide a little. Mainly by not feeding them. Also by not letting them take root and grow. I applaud Ann and others for fighting that good fight here, every day.

I've spent too much time weighing the relative merits of this site's occasionally excessive moderation against other HIV sites' complete disrespect for people or their life situations. I think a tipping point came when thebody.com started started publishing coy fiction about barebackers remaining negative while cruising the SF bookstore circuit and interpretive works about gay men who don't want to be called gay. Deff gotta side with you on this one.

They would all have barebacked one another, and you, provided you did not proclaim your tainted status. More people are actually ANGRY when someone brings up HIV than not, on those sites, in those rooms.

The best gay.com profile I've ever seen, bar none, was during around turn of the century when barebackers and bugchasing were having their flash in the pan moment. The guy was slightly below average in the looks department, and his SN was "hotherpes694u" or something, and his profile went on and on about how he couldn't give "the gift" of HIV, but give him a chance and he'd be more than happy to lay some of his herpes on anyone who asked.

The second best? A gay yuppie who stated he had "no patience for people who don't have any direction in their lives" displayed pictures of himself posing near the eiffel tower, pictures of him on a cruise with his hags and flamey friend, and finally, pictures of him kissing the pope's rings. I literally fell out of my chair laughing that someone would use that one to try to impress guys on a GAY CRUISE SITE. I've got screenshots of it somewhere. It was even better because, by all accounts, the guy was completely serious.

Thebody.com is mainly shit. The moderation is a joke. The "experts" never consult with one another, give advice and recommendations that contradict one another and themselves. They give patronizing advice without a shred of first-tiered peer-reviewed evidence. They create and foster an anti-sex, pro-stigma environment, then encourage the victim-status of their members through plainly condescending pablum that passes as "support."

I tried to give the shot, I really did. It is dreadful. It is under-moderated to the point where truly awful people purporting blatantly incorrect and harmful disinformation are allowed to shout down people in real need, and no one seems to ask for proof, credentials, or evidence.

Half the time we spend in AM I INFECTED is correcting the bullshit placed upon folks by thebody.com and medhelp.

and between the two, Medhelp has a better track record.

As for the gay.com crap, it is really seriously a gay bar without the soothing effect of trance music and flavored vodka. Was on the site for years. Attended a damned party for the chat room, for Gods' sake. It was a bunch of people calling themselves Libertarians when they actually still had credit cards with their fathers' names on them (these are guys in their late 20s through late 30s). And sex was like a DADT, only with condoms being the issue. Again. people got REALLY irritated when HIV was mentioned. It was like Rumplestiltskin, or a Candyman movie.

This site at least stays more or less on point. It is a little soft on the science in favor of the support, but it does not, at least, promote or encourage the malignant spread of bad science or false information. And unlike my own posting, this site's mods take into consideration the mental state (drug use, mental illness, reduced capacity) when wading into the fray.

Can you imagine what someone like Philly or Matty would have DONE to a person who posted that Queerty post here? Ot that BS from thebody? It would have been epic. Say what you will about the most irascible members. They know their science shit, they have experience with stigma and the internet. And they take no prisoners.

We need that element on our side, here and offline. Sadly for most of us, offline is just... us.

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"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

TehBodeh IS shit and Medlhelp is marginally better - because they have Rodney.

WTF, are you not being just as judgemental in this post when you say things like "the only people who will really benefit from PREP are those who knowingly and regularly place themselves at risk and have huge sums of money to throw away for the privilege of remaining negative. Its all good and well to say "everyone has the right to remain HIV negative" as Project Inform has done, but frankly, these are the people who least deserve access to scare medical resources. It'll help those who know better but want to "walk on the wild side", and are actually lame enough to plan their little foray into danger weeks in advance. Any normal human being who becomes infected...will still become infected."

I mean, come on. "Any normal human being"? Really? Aren't you saying something similar to what you're complaining about? ("HIV affects anyone who is promiscuous and sleazy and doesn't look after their health"...) You're still categorising hiv positive people into "promiscuous and sleazy", ie "bad" (or undeserving of medical care) and "normal", ie "good" (or deserving of medical care).

And doling out medical resources to those who are deemed more deserving? There are a lot of people who would say that ANY persons who becomes hiv positive through sexual contact are NOT deserving of medical resources. Many of your Abstinence Only proponents think that way. "You had sex outside a man/woman marriage, you pay the consequences." Either we're all worthy of access to health care and medication when needed or none of us are.

And please don't take this as an attack. I'm genuinely befuddled. I'm wondering if you have noticed the disconnect in your thinking. A few years ago I took a counselling course. Part of the coursework was examining our prejudices. I thought I was pretty well unprejudiced, but the coursework opened my eyes to some of my hidden prejudices. It was very enlightening. I still run through some of the exercises we used, just to clarify my thinking on tricky subjects, like this one. Recognising one's hidden prejudices and dealing with them can be very liberating.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts