You Know You’re a Republican/Democrat If…

You know you’re a Republican if you can’t stand your gay uncle, but you invite him to your son’s wedding because he’s rich.
You know you’re a Democrat if you can’t stand your rich uncle, but you invite him to your daughter’s graduation because he’s gay.

You know you’re a Republican if you support George Bush’s plan to put a man on Mars.
You know you’re a Democrat if you want that man to be George Bush.

You know you’re a Republican if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren’t black.
You know you’re a Democrat if you think Colin Powell might make a good President, if he weren’t conservative.

You know you’re a Republican if you think every Democrat is a closet Communist.
You know you’re a Democrat if you think every Republican is closeted.

You know you’re a Republican if you wouldn’t mind if the Commonwealth of Massachusetts seceded from the Union.
You know you’re a Democrat if you wish the Republic of Texas had never become a state.

You Know you’re a Republican if you start off on third base and think you’ve hit a triple.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you hit a single but believe you deserve a triple because the other team got one.

You Know you’re a Republican if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strip mining.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you believe the U.S. Constitution clearly supports strippers.

You Know you’re a Republican if you can’t fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.
You Know you’re a Democrat if you can’t fathom that Abraham Lincoln was actually a Republican.