– Important Real Life Stuff: If you live in the Chicago area, want to see Meet Me There (the movie I made with Goldust) and want an excuse to bump into Bruce Campbell, the film’s screening at this weekend’s Wizard World Chicago event as part of the Bruce Campbell Horror Film Festival. I’ll be there, so if you come to this and say hi, we’re friends for life.

Brandon: The problem with Bray, though, isn’t his wins and losses … it’s in the fact that 100% of his motivation is the promise of a change that never comes. He jumps and attacks guys like R-Truth, Kofi Kingston and The Miz, but they show up a week or two later like nothing’s happened. It’s just “we got beat up.” He crushes Kane’s head between the ring steps and carries him away, and you think Kane’s gonna show up as his new follower … but nope, Kane just returns as Kane and they never mention it. He feuds with Daniel Bryan and you THINK it’s going somewhere, but Bryan just puts on a mechanic jumpsuit for a few weeks, beats up the Wyatts and moves forward unchanged. Wyatt gets into a feud with Cena and Cena’s all I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER I CAN TO WIN THIS CAGE MATCH AND STOP BRAY WYATT’S MESSAGE. Cena loses the cage match and what happens? Nothing. There are more cell phones lit up during Bray’s entrance? Is that the message? That ring entrances are fun?

Me: Bray and the Wyatt Family should “work.” But at this point I’ll be damned if I know how it could be saved. I give up. Nathan Birch was right all along.

Easiest way to save it, turns out Bray turned the Bellas on each other, convinced Seth to betray the SHIELD, convinced Kane to hurt DB when they indoctrinated him, took Cena’s killer instinct so he can’t beat Brock, and is the agitator who incites the new minority stable to “take what is theirs.” In short, it should turn out that Bray is the reason bad things have happened in the WWE. He doesn’t like happiness, so it is his mission to destroy it.

Then, and only then, can we retcon the bullshit that happened over the past few months out of our minds and have Bray make sense in a world where things have been changing for what appears to be no reason. The hook for this is that when the SHIELD needed to be punished, the authority turned to Bray. It is all so simple. Just need a willing booker.

Actually, I renounce everything I said up there. I’m full of crap, and so is Brandon on this.

Look at it this way: We’re just coming off 20-plus years of Undertaker not actually condemning souls to hell. If THAT and those hollow consequences worked, the Wyatt Family should work. And yet with Rowan and Harper being slotted as a jobber tag team, it seems like WWE is already pulling the plug.

I would die if it’s revealed Bo’s hair and shirt are so wet because he’s constantly throwing buckets of cold water over his head to avoid giving actual money to charities while still encouraging them to Bo-Lieve. It would also explain his “The pool is really cold, but it’s fine guys, come in!” smile.

And it seems like it should be easy. Easy might not be the right word, but he’s just going out and making things important and matter. Not “you beat me, but so what?” which most wrestlers do. I hope when Heyman is talking they force every “superstar” sit around those TVs and listen.

* Fan Polls on RAW: Somewhere on YT there’s a vid of Daniel Bryan at a Comic Con-type roundtable from sometime last year. It’s like 50 minutes long and most of it is kinda boring, but at one point he’s asked about his angle with Kane as reluctant allies/tag champs. He explains that the Hug it Out moment was a legit fan poll, and beforehand he and Kane were told “you have to fill 8 minutes. No matter what.” So WWE didn’t always do pointless polls with unsubtle options. But you can kind of understand why they do now.

* Heyman: I believe it was on Steve Austin’s podcast, where they talked at WM for like 3 hours, where Heyman mentioned that his father, a trial lawyer, is the inspiration/template for his in-ring promos. As a kid he would go to court and listen to what his dad said, and he’s used that form of argument in his promos. I found that really interesting, and it’s very apparent in just about everything Heyman does on the mic.

Hate to disagree Brandon, but I found the Usos vs. the Dust Brother a very poorly wrestled match with a bunch of botched moves and no story telling whatsoever. I know everyone is so happy they got the win, but by gawd that was an ugly match.

I also noticed that Swagger v. Ceasaro seemed to be off too. Did the boys hit the Strip once they got into Vegas?

– I would love for Henry and Show to stay as a tag team for a while. Maybe that might result in less wear and tear and Henry can spend more time on TV and less time on the IR. Sadly, it looks like Henry will be fed to Russev soon.

– I actually think the tag team division could use the Ascension right now and the Dudleyz (TNA is dead now, right?). Just make it nice and hossy with tough no DQ type matches. Something that’ll challenge the Usos to not superkick people and have different types of matches with more than one tag team.

I no rite, I would love to see The Dudleys put Steph through a table whilst everyone cheers and Tyler Breeze takes a selfie of himself with Steph’s body and literally everyone with the exception of RybAxel are like “Lol, Ding Dong the bitch is dead.” and RybAxel be all like “Dude, of course I’m upset she’s our boss.” Then Ryback hugs HHH.

@Armando Payne : You don’t think an established tag team with fan credit like the Dudleyz could add to the tag team division that is lacking in established teams?Both Bubba and Devon can still wrestle and don’t look like death, unlike the NAO.

I thought the head getting smashed through cinder block spot was a BIT ridiculous, but I’ll allow it mainly because like Brandon said, it’s something different, plus that match was just boss as hell.

And as always, I’m impressed by how underrated and good Mark Henry has been for over a decade now. When he got signed as a converted powerlifter all those years ago, I just assumed we were getting another terrible ass Ted Arcidi.

Mark Henry was garbo forever until one day WWE decided, “hey lets take this large scary black man and make him a large scary black man!” Ugh Why’d he have to lose to Cena at MITB last year, he’s got a lot left in the tank!

As Tou said, for a long time he was more or less terrible, and he was subjected to some really humiliating and racist gimmicks (Sexual Chocolate) that just went from offensive to soul-sucking awful (Mae Young and the Hand!).

Then everyone remembered when he grows his beard out and stands in front of the camera, he looks initimidating as hell. So they figured, let’s have him start murdering people.

Then it turned out Henry was surprisingly awesome on the mic and really understood how to work crowds. The tap out at MITB was awful, because Henry was doing some next level stuff at that point, only to get one offed in the worst way possible.

Be interested to see if this Show-Henry tag team lasts any longer than Show-Mysterio’s two-week run.

Also, I wonder if Henry’s weight loss is a Golddust type endeavor to allow him to compete in the ring more as a guy in his 40s. Even though WWE has continually, horribly misused him, being consistently injured over the past several years is another thing that’s kept Mizark hoovering at the mid-card level.

As much as I respect and admire Heyman’s oratory prowess, I don’t feel it’s an acceptable alternative/substitute for a fighting champion. I get that the narrative here is that Brock is a super villain and a bully, but at least have him come out and start squashing people for no apparent reason other than he can. I’d like to see him cut a bloody swath through the WWE rather than put him on a shelf until someone challenges him at the next PPV.

No, I saw it to. they were in the face corner but spent the match cutting off the ring while Goldy begged for the hot tag. We didn’t get him in because Stardust got the win but Stardust seemed to be the Ricky Morton.

As for the Usos, I just took it as they acted heelish because of the Ryback chants. With that said, that sounds really stupid. Perhaps they’ll turn heel because the Rhodes Bros will be challenging for the title soon?

if the Usos going heel means they stop doing there call and response bullshit and dancing during their entrance AND drop the titles to the Dust Bros. (who willin turn drop it to The Ascension…that’s not part of my wish…just a guess) I’m all for it. I seriously think The Usos annoy me more than Cena.

Sidenote: If Reigns ever goes heel him with the Usos as henchmen would be the best possible use of all three of them.

overall the distraction loss is played out . but in the context of AJ/Paige it makes some sense. AJ skipping around the ring has been her thing since 2012 and Paige did it to her and now AJ is doing back and even more effectively.

but I do wish they would address the issue of Eva and now Nattie getting a win over the champ and what that means exactly.

I said this last night, but it really did feel like, if they gave it time to develop, AJ’s “You want to play? OK, see how crazy I really am” could be awesome. Like, Paige *thinks* she’s playing mind games and thinks she got one over on AJ, but AJ’s just going to keep getting crazier until Paige is totally shook. Then, boom, another great match between them.

I don’t know how long it can go on, but it’s not like either of them could be doing anything *more* interesting with anyone else on the roster right now.

Yes, but Paige had Natalya in control. Even if she threw a quick hold while AJ was skipping and AJ attacks, she still doesn’t get embarrassed by eating a rollup loss to Natalya.

The music/skipping can’t be the distraction any more, since they’ve done it so much. IF they want to go the distraction route in the near future, here are the only people a music distraction would be credible with:

1) Bryan. After being out so long, Valkyries hitting would shock the shit out of Kane, Orton, or HHH.

Regarding the AJ gets crazier and crazier thing: I kinda hope they do that and go all the way with it. Like Paige leaving disturbing voice messages on AJ’s phone, AJ opening her dressing room to a Paige Shrine, them sending each other really creepy gifts…I dunno, just throw caution to the wind and do it. Remove the distraction finishers, and I think we have something. Yeah, it keeps AJ in the “SHE’S CRAZY, YO” camp, but she’s really good at playing that part I think.

“Oh Paige, Besty of my life
Light of my titantron
You make my Divas Title tremble
You make my love seem so hazy
People mistake AJ Lee’s love for you as crazy”
(Ziggler peeks his head around a corner, hissing nervously with his breath)
(AJ backfist (to the future’s) his face, he collapses, doing like, 7 spins)

Distraction bullshit aside, I was so excited to see Natalya get a win on Raw.

And I really dug her new outfit. The one gripe I have with it is that I would like to see the gear play on family a bit more. Instead of just having a heart (Hart) design, maybe have the symbol be a heart-shaped aiming reticle, symbolizing both the Hart family and the Hitman.

Minor Nit: The finish for Henry/Show vs Wyatt’s was slightly different on Smackdown. Henry had Rowan up for the slam, and held him while Show punched him in the head. Wroth noting to me, because it makes Show’s god awful punch look a lot better, and by combining the moves rather than just having them in sequence it’s a cooler tag finisher.

I totally don’t mind working the audience with the poll. I think everybody got the match they wanted, smart people got to feel smart, less than smart people got to feel involved, nobody lost there.

I may just be in the bag for Bray, but I think Jericho’s bringing nothing to the table here and it’s very hard for Bray’s anything to mean something when Jericho isn’t granting it any consequence.

I’m not sure I’d pin “losing streak” on Swagger just because Cesaro went over him. Again, maybe blind optimism, but Cesaro has been booked strong enough that I think/hope we’re to read that as Bo being overzealous and insulting, because there’s no shame in losing to Cesaro.

I don’t know that having Roman’s stock finishing sequence happen at the end of a 6 man is that much better than otherwise. It still highlights how predictable it’s become, to me even moreso when it’s virtually all he does. I was marking out for Roman like crazy the past several months, but something needs to change.

The multiple page format also makes it easier to skip to the comment section. With one single page, I’ll think I’ve made it to the comments, then something above will load, the page will jump, and I’ll have to scroll back down to the comments.

I think Rollins Vs. Ambrose was the first time in a long time that I felt like I was watching the “season finale” of a story arc or something on WWE. Kinda gives it a special appeal in my stupid little brain.

I know you love MH but having him be the first one to go over Rusev is a really stupid idea. Since Rusev is a 2D character whose shelf life is, by definition, limited he should be used to build someone not a rub for a guy who has been around for 20 years and is going nowhere.

I’m more interested in keeping Rusev and making him a real wrestler. Wrestlers who never lose so they can give someone a “rub” only ever seem to lose to people who don’t need the rub, devaluing the entire process. If Rusev can just go ahead and take some losses, he’s more believable as an everyday wrestler. It’ll make matches against guys like Cena not such a novelty or foregone conclusion.

Some of that might be to remove that limited shelf life of Rusev’s. He needs to lose to someone so they can go away from his dumb winning streak and dumber (and increasingly less fun) nationalistic gimmick. A big monster like Henry’s a good place for Rusev to dedicate himself to being a huge monster instead of a good “soldier”.

I’m guessing that Russev would prove to be several degrees better than Reigns, if he was actually given the chance to have a real match. But he hasn’t had that chance until very recently. Everything prior to his Swagger matches (and maybe his last Big E match) was a squash match. Plus he’ still in monster heel mode.

Let me put it this way: we know Brock Lesnar can do a hell of a lot more than German suplexes, knees to the ribs, and mounted punches. But that’s all we saw him do against Cena because he was playing the monster who was toying with Cena.

Brandon’s main point is a pretty strong one. If Rusev keeps winning like this, he’ll eventually wrestle a “big name” and get completely destroyed. If that happens, his momentum stops and he’s like one boring-ass match away from being tossed in a tagteam with a terrible name. (Hi Rybaxel!) So, what would you rather have: a couple of decent, possibly great matches versus Mark Henry? Or the inevitable squash match versus Cena?

@Thanksgiving: You and I are on the same page regarding Russev’s relative wrestling ability, but can we not call someone a “troll” just for having a different opinion? The bar for being a troll is higher than that.

I think the reason Renee Young is such a good backstage interviewer yet so poor on commentary is that her standout skill set is visual – she’s superb at conveying the right cognitive and emotional response through facial expressions, gestures, and body language. Her verbal acumen isn’t nearly at that level, but in backstage interviews she speaks only a tiny fraction of the time allowing her visual skills to shine. On commentary, its the reverse – you hear and rarely see her.

The finish to the Wyatts vs. Henry/Show was much better on Smackdown because of how their two finishers combined into one absurd move as opposed to Monday where one move flowed into another.

It’s always intrigues me how when certain guys enter a tag team that their finisher becomes slightly less useful. Shawn Michaels used sweet chin music all the time and dropped guys where they stood; he teams up with hhh and apparently sweet chin music just spun you around into a stumble. Same deal with Show and the KO punch; it always destroyed people immediately and on this occasion his opponent isn’t knocked out and just tumbles into Mark Henry.

Are we wise to wish for the return of the two hour Raw? Three hours is almost certainly too long for a weekly wrestling show. However, I fear they’re much more likely to cut into the wrestling we love (such as those killer trios matches) than the Twitter-squawking, repeated video packages, and other BS that most of us hate.

Put another way, I attended Raw in early 2012. Matches were 3:13, 2:22, 1:37, 0:56, 1:18, and a 12-minute battle royal (To be fair, this was Road to WM, so there was a lot of promo & story). A 2014 Raw I attended had 4 of those squashes, in addition to a 5 minutes Divas match, two 12 minute MitB qualifiers, and a 20 minute trios main event.

Yeah, I also don’t get why these otherwise smart wrestling fans are asking to cut Raw back down to 2 hours. You should know enough about WWE’s production tactics to know that they’re not going to cut that hour from video packages and Twisted Tea comedy skits. They’re going to cut an hour from the excellent matches, and leave in exactly as much crap as before.

A 3 hour Raw drags because of poor direction, not from lack of talent or ability. WWE has enough talent to put on an excellent 4 hour Raw if they felt like it.

‘Hell, abandon the tag team titles if you think tag team wrestling’s too “southern” or whatever. ‘

Seriously, that’s one of the weirdest straw men in the long and illustrious canon of Brandon Stroud straw men. I’ve been watching wrestling for over three decades, and I’ve read and listened to more insider/dirt sheet/shoot interview stuff than I care to admit, and I’ve never, ever, heard the complaint that tag team matches are too “Southern,” or that Vince McMahon has ever suggested such a thing, or whatever. That’s just…bizarre…

I too have never heard that Vince ever thought tag teams were too Southern. I mean, the WWF had a killer tag division in 1980s. Maybe not all of them were good teams (Young Stallions, Killer Bees, etc.), but they had a rather large stable of tag teams. Maybe someone else can provide some info on this because I too thought that line seemed weird.

I love big Henry, but Reigns should be the first to beat Rusev if he’s going to face Brock at Mania.
– Am I the only one who thinks the Hey man promo is setting the stage for Brock to turn on Heyman and be an uncontrollable monster?
-That Steph t-shirt in blue with gold trim and white letters would be a killer in Golden State Warriors territory.
-With Ambrose and Cena on acting duty, old Ziggler should get a push being the No. 2 face right now.
-Wyatt clan are in limbo.

+1. to the Brock thing. It honestly seems like that’s the next logical step. You can’t keep calling someone “an unstoppable beast” and have them continue to have a “handler” or a speaker, or whatever. Eventually he’s got to break away, presumably after doing something awful to Heyman in the ring. I mean, it’s not like he CAN’T talk, and arguably him talking is far more terrifying than Heyman, hence all the “blood, piss, and vomit” talk.

Brock is a fine talker in a taped segment. His “Ass Kicker” promo and the “Blood, piss and vomit” one are proof of that. It’s when he is handed a live mic that things go off the rails (Exhibit A for the defense, the sit down contract signing with Mr. Excitement back in 2012). For that reason, I don’t see Brock ditching Heyman. Brock, who doesn’t seem like he likes many people, actually likes Heyman. I think Heyman remains Brock’s advocate for as long as Brock is with WWE.

In my fantasy booking next week Brie gets her ass kicked by Nikki. After the match, Bo Dallas comes out with a microphone.

“Brie, I know things look bad now. You got beat up by your boss, your sister hates you, and your husband is a cripple who may never wrestle again, plus he’s cheating on you. But cheer up, Brie, things can get better and someday you can be somebody. All you have to do is BO-LIEVE!”

That would be a thing with Bo Dallas, But the frosting in the cake would be seeing her stand up and knock him either on his ass, out of the ring, but the best would be to see her knock Bo cold in the ring. Could be a story line in it self. Maybe I should be a manager. Kinda like Jimmy Heart, or even Hay Man. I can orate with the best of them, or some where between Paul Bearer and Hay Man. Now that would be scary as hell for a tag team like Gold Dust and Star Dust.

He was great when he was part of The Shield because Ambrose and Rollins would cover most of the match and Rollins would be reserved for beast mode spots, covering up all his shortcomings, and it worked beautifully. Since he’s gone off on his own his plethora of weaknesses have been exposed.

Let’s not forget where all the Reigns love really started: the Royal Rumble. Yes, people liked Reigns before that, and his eliminating nearly half the entrants shows that the WWE had plans to make him a star, but he got that first, really BIG pop because he wasn’t Batista in a match many thought Bryan should have won. And in six-mans and battles royal, he can look like a million bucks. When you are protected, and you get the spot in a main match against a guy everyone in the crowd hates, you have the chance to be seen as a big deal. The bloom just started to come off the rose recently. I still think he can turn it around, but the idea that he is a lock to topple Brock and take the title at Mania seems to maybe be not such a lock.

I don’t know man, JBL was so damn loud and persistent with his shitting over Swagger that I think I would get sick of it even if he was doing it on Corey Graves. Seriously, the whole night he was annoying as hell, and not in a “heel announcer” kinda way, but in a “yeah, I ain’t watching this” kind of way.

I understand that way of thinking. However, many parts of the WWE (Cole and Lawler, for example) are so aggressively stupid so often, that I’ll take any excuse for someone to shout into their faces, “this is stupid and you’re stupid too.” If that means I occasionally have to side with an annoying blowhard like JBL, so be it.

@Keith I care more about the awesome air raid siren as opposed to wussy ambulance, but it seems to me that a french/swiss rap track is probably a better choice than another generic rock entrance. Between the Shield guys and the rest, RAW is just blurring into one big messy pile of crap rock.
So yes, you get what you want, I get what I want, Cesaro uppercuts Cena into the sun and all is well.

It’s really driving home the point that Swagger(‘s character) needs to get his shit together, or even better, change directions. It’s kinda overdue. After being manhandled by Adam Rose for weeks, the losses against Rusev and Cesaro finally make Swagger realize that shouting “USA” and being racist does not give you superpowers.
Swagger finally was called up to actually defend his country instead of being a bully, and he failed hard. Now he’s shaken to the core. That’s the kind of character stuff we all wanna see, isn’ it?

While part of me is glad I got to see it at least once (you can guess which part), that new outfit for Nattie is a really poor choice, like most things they do with her. On the upside, with that little number she might finally have a shot at getting Tyson Kidd to fulfill his marital duties.