Penn Satire, Since 1899

Snapchat “Discover” Update Includes Live NSA Feed

The recently released Snapchat “Discover” update has been welcomed with extraordinary praise. *Credible* news sources have said that this “will change news consumption indefinitely.” The update includes a grid of features that show snapchat-esque clips and stories from sources including CNN, Comedy Central, and National Geographic, but users are most interested in the feature that provides a live feed of whomever the NSA is currently observing.

After a few minutes on the feed one can observe a wide array of characters – both potential threats to the American Dream and not. Avid Snapchat user Mark Zingerburg discussed his experiences with the new feature.

“I spent the first few minutes watching Joe Richter from Bozeman, Montana watch New Girl on his living room couch through the webcam in his Macbook Pro. After a few minutes of that, I tapped the screen once and instantly saw Megan Hammersmith making Easy Mac in her apartment in Boston,” Zingerburg continued. “After that there were some more mundane things. A few bathroom shots, one or two fraternity parties, then a guy mixing chemicals in a big vat in what looked like a run down garage with a weird black flag, and a map of the US with major cities circled. Oh, but after that I a woman with some really, really cute puppies.”

We were able to contact Michael S. Rogers, Director of the NSA, at his desk at Fort Meade. When questioned about his decision to transmit all NSA footage to every person who has downloaded Snapchat to their mobile phone Rogers said, “There was a huge air of secrecy around the work that we do here at the NSA, but all that led to were some harsh allegations. So, we made the decision to be entirely transparent with our surveillance footage.”

However, when asked how much the NSA was being paid by Snapchat Rogers replied that that information was strictly classified.