What Does It Take to Lift Your Sex Life to the Next Level?

PILATES

REBECCA: Rory and I have been together 10 years and married for two.
We were always pretty active sexually, but now that we both do Pilates, our sex
life has reached a new level.

Rory is certified to teach Pilates and he got me into it three years ago.
Pilates gave me more flexibility and better control of my breathing. My sexual
sensations are heightened, I have more endurance, and I’m not self-conscious
about my body — my mind isn’t focused on hiding my thighs under the sheets.
Being more in tune with our bodies has helped us connect sexually. Now, we can
fuse together with minuscule movements. We can push and pull and rotate our
bodies for different sensations.

The heightened physical connection has also brought us closer emotionally.
We are able to talk about what we like and don’t like in bed, and we’re more
affectionate in general too. We truly feel like soul mates.

A CALENDAR

Lauren Mayer, 49, songwriter and music teacherScott Grinthal, 42, singer and church administrator
San Mateo, CA

LAUREN: When Scott and I first became a couple six years ago, we had
a lot of sex — around three times per week. It was easy because my kids were 7
and 4, so Scott and I had plenty of time for sex after they went to bed. But as
the kids got older, they stayed up later, often until 11 p.m. Scott and I get
up each morning by 6, so we couldn’t wait until after the kids were asleep
anymore. And even though they’re often at their father’s for the weekend (Scott
is my second husband), Scott and I frequently have music gigs on weekend
nights. It became rare for us to find a time when we were both awake and in the
mood. Our bedroom time slowed to once per week. We both felt physically
frustrated.

We consulted our couples counselor, and she suggested we use a calendar to
plan specific times for sex. We’ve always been open to anything that might make
our relationship stronger, so we started having meetings where we penciled in
appointments — usually twice per week — then committed to sticking to that
schedule. Even if we’re tired or not in the mood, we’ve found that if we just
go through the motions, we usually get into it. Sometimes we designate “my
night” or “his night” when the “guest of honor” just relaxes while the other
partner does all the work. The calendar makes me closer to Scott, and we feel
like more of a team because we’re working together to stay sexually connected —
neither of us is solely responsible for making sex happen. The more we plan on
sex, the more we do it — and the more we want to do it!