We all want to live our best life. The challenge is figuring out what our best life looks like. What are we really capable of achieving? I am continually reminded that regardless of someone’s title, salary, industry or size of the company, we all face similar issues to living our best life. We just handle them differently. I’ve shared a few insights to help you explore this question…

1. Speed bumps are part of life

We all hit speed bumps. Yes, all of us. Whether you are an experienced CEO, new parent or first-time business owner, there are always speed bumps or challenges. They just look different to each of us. What may be a speed bump today may become routine tomorrow. Hitting a speed bump is really not a noteworthy event. The interesting part is how we maneuver around it.

What I’ve seen as an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach is that the people who achieve and move forward understand that speed bumps are part of the process of going after what you want. One person had to be determined for four years to get a job at the company of his choice (and, yes, he had speed bumps such as a hiring freeze).

Takeaway: Often, the difference is a simple shift in your perspective to reclassify challenges and keep going.

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“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Thank you, Henry Ford.

Winners have a different mindset that says, “I can” or “I will figure it out and make it happen”. For example, I was incredibly inspired by one story of a property manager who oversaw a building that everyone labeled a disaster. The property manager refused to accept this story of mediocrity and hopelessness. He believed he could turn the building around and built a team to do just that. Before the end of the year, his building was one hundred percent occupied, and he was recognized for outstanding performance at the company’s annual conference. It’s a process, not magic.

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re setting vague goals, you might as well not even set a goal. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Vague goals lead to vague or no results because it’s unclear what you are doing. For example, ‘we need to start a training program’, ‘I will write a book’, or ‘I want to be a better leader’ are common examples of vague goals. When you are ready to be accountable and clear on what you want, you are ready to set a goal. Go ahead and declare to the world what you are going to do. And, by the way, major companies and senior team leaders set vague goals all the time so you are not alone. It’s much easier to leave things vague because it’s harder to evaluate the results.

Lesson: There is nothing vague about living your best life. Clarify what you want and go after it (and, yes, this takes time and asking good questions).

4. Focus on the why

People who achieve their goal are really clear on the ‘why’. There’s a difference between setting a specific goal and setting a goal that is both meaningful and exciting to you. When you have a strong why, it gives you a renewed sense of purpose and the motivation to continue moving forward.

Why do you want to be in shape, start a business, become an author, or start a blog? Is it something you should do or something that is important to you? Ask yourself why two or three times to truly understand why a specific goal matters to you. If a goal does not resonate and connect with your values, it will be difficult to move beyond speed bumps.

Takeaway: When you are clear on your why, you will wake up with a renewed sense of purpose and vigor.

5. It’s a privilege to live outside your comfort zone

100% of the people I’ve talked to who have achieved special moments, experienced uncertainty and lived outside their comfort zone — this includes the single dad bringing up his daughters, the first-time property manager and the woman in her thirties buying real estate properties to generate passive income.

Yes, it’s scary when things are uncertain. It’s uncomfortable for all of us. But it’s part of the process for personal development. It’s a privilege because it means that growth and opportunity are right around the corner.

Takeaway: What if you were 100% certain that moving outside your comfort zone and experiencing uncertainty led to personal growth? I’ve got a secret for you: it does, and it’s a privilege.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

There are two kinds of questions: what and why. There’s a time and place for each. What questions tend to be expansive and why questions tend to analyze. What questions help you look forward (ex: What would the ideal business partner look like) and why questions help you assess and sometimes bring you down (ex: why did this happen or why can’t I be in a good relationship).

Why questions are particularly impactful when you are designing meaningful goals. I recently spent a week on the East Coast giving five presentations about Living in YOUR Top 1% to companies in the real estate, bio/pharm and finance industries. Regardless of the industry, people have a challenging time setting goals that are personally meaningful. People seem to naturally set either vague goals (not sure what you are doing), should goals (goals society or someone else thinks you should do), or goals that do not resonate personally but are legitimate goals (I want to run a 10k and be fit and healthy but the person does not make health a priority).

This is where focusing on the why is invaluable. Why do you want to start your own business, why do you want to be a better leader, why do you want to be in shape, why do you want to be financially independent or why do you want to start a blog. When you are clear on the why, your motivation level increases significantly. Most people set a goal without every considering the why and how it connects with your values.

Here’s a three step process to get clear on your why and re-ignite your motivation levels:
1. Write your goal
2. Tell me why it’s important and why you want to make it a priority
3. Go through two rounds of why…if you want to start your own business and the why is to be independent, tell me why being independent is important. Perhaps you want to be the decision maker and determine the business strategy.

You will know when you get to the core why because it will resonate and empower you.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

I recently was on the East Coast presenting to over 400 people at three companies in industries ranging from real estate to a Fortune 500 healthcare company to an investment management firm about the idea of “Living in YOUR Top 1%.” I am continually reminded that regardless of someone’s title, salary, industry, or size of the company, we all face similar issues to living our best life. We just handle them differently.

The Top Five Takeaways to Live in YOUR Top 1%:1. Speed Bumps Are Part of Life

We all hit speed bumps. Yes, all of us. Whether you are an experienced CEO, new mom, or first-time business owner, there are speed bumps or challenges. They just look differently to each of us. And, what may be a speed bump today may become routine tomorrow. Hitting a speed bump is really not a noteworthy event. The interesting part is how we maneuver around it. What I’ve seen as an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach is that the people who achieve and move forward understand that speed bumps are part of the process of going after what you want. One person had to be determined for four years to get a job at the company of his choice (and, yes, he had speed bumps such as a hiring freeze).

Often, the difference is a simple shift in your perspective to reclassify challenges and keep going.

2. Mindset Wins Every Time

“Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Thank you Henry Ford.

Winners have a different mindset that says, “I can” or “I will figure it out and make it happen.” For example, I was incredibly inspired by one story of a property manager who oversaw a building that everyone labeled a disaster. The property manager refused to accept this story of mediocrity and hopelessness. He believed he could turn the building around and built a team to do just that. Before the end of the year, his building was one hundred percent occupied, and he was recognized for outstanding performance at the company’s annual conference. It’s a process, not magic.

Your mindset makes a big difference and directly impacts what opportunities you pursue.

3. Lean Away From Vague Goals

Here’s the bottom line: if you’re setting vague goals, you might as well not even set a goal. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s true. Vague goals lead to vague or no results because it’s unclear what you are doing. For example, we need to start a training program, I will write a book, or I want to be a better leader are common examples of vague goals. When you are ready to be accountable and clear on what you want, you are ready to set a goal. Go ahead and declare to the world what you are going to do. And, by the way, major companies and senior team leaders set vague goals all the time so you are not alone. It’s much easier to leave things vague because it’s harder to evaluate the results.

One note, there is nothing vague about living your best life. Clarify what you want and go after it (and, yes, this takes time and asking good questions).

4. Focus On The Why

People who achieve their goal are really clear on the “WHY.” There’s a difference between setting a specific goal and setting a goal that is both meaningful and exciting to you.

When you have a strong why, it gives you a renewed sense of purpose and the motivation to continue moving forward.

Why do you want to be in shape, start a business, become an author, or start a blog? Is it something you should do or something that is important to you? Ask yourself why two or three times to truly understand why a specific goal matters to you. If a goal does not resonate and connect with your values, it will be difficult to move beyond speed bumps. When you are clear on your why, you will wake up with a renewed sense of purpose and vigor.

5. It’s a Privilege to Live Outside Your Comfort Zone

100% of the people I’ve talked to who have achieved special moments (a.k.a. Top 1% Moments) experienced uncertainty and were outside their comfort zone—from the single dad bringing up his daughters to the first-time manager to the woman in her thirties buying real estate properties to generate passive income.

Yes, it’s scary when things are uncertain. It’s uncomfortable for all of us. But it’s part of the process for personal development.

It’s a privilege because it means that growth and opportunity are right around the corner. What if you were 100% certain that moving outside your comfort zone and experiencing uncertainty led to personal growth? I’ve got a secret for you: it does, and it’s a privilege.

Top 1% Bottom Line: Living your best life is a process. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself on a bumpy road. That simply tells you it’s the right path and keep going. A resilient mindset will help you move through difficult days, as will clear-cut goals. Opportunity awaits all of us.

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Gibson, Dunn & Crutcher, Brookfield Property Partners, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb and Dress for Success. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Ross Stores, Petco, BNP Paribas, Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb, the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Prostate Cancer Foundation, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook

How many times have you had an interaction with someone who is really smart (in terms of IQ) but has no clue as to how you are feeling, what you are thinking or how to handle a challenging situation? The person may have gone to all the best schools and even have a fancy degree and title, but they lack emotional intelligence (EQ). When this happens at home relationships become strained and can fall apart. When it happens in the workplace it’s really frustrating and causes many people to want to quit their jobs.

Dan Goleman brought the concept of EQ to the main stage with his book, Emotional Intelligence, which changed the way we think about what makes people and leaders successful. Having talent, skills and knowledge is a good start but not enough — you need to be able to effectively deal with all types of people. Building your EQ is available to all of us regardless of your age, education, financial status or background, but only some of us invest the time and energy to leverage this essential component.

IQ and EQ are very different. Many people may have a high IQ with impressive analytical and technical skills. The question we now need to ask is what’s our EQ and how am I showing up as a leader at home and work? Specifically, employers are now focusing on EQ rather than just IQ. They would prefer to have someone with a good attitude and teach him additional skills.

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and why do we care?

Per Dan Goleman, Emotional intelligence is the “ability to manage ourselves and our relationships effectively.” This includes not only the easy relationships but the challenging ones too. The term empathy is important too and takes into consideration understanding not just someone’s feelings but a different perspective they may have as well as their drives and needs.

There are four main areas to better understand and explore EQ:

1. Self-Awareness: The ability to realistically understand your strengths and weaknesses and recognize their impact. Think of the term “know thyself.” This doesn’t mean that you don’t have any weaknesses or areas to improve just that you understand yourself and your capabilities. It can be very frustrating to work with or be friends with someone that has no awareness of how others perceive them. And as a result, the person does not effectively use his or her strengths and know which areas to focus on for improvement.

Q: How are you using your top three strengths on a daily basis and are you aware of your strengths that may go south and derail you both at home and work?

2. Self-Management: The ability to control your disruptive emotions and impulses. We all have that person in our life who is overly dramatic about every single situation and therefore derails most situations. People with high EQ are able to match the emotion with the situation to keep things on track. It’s tough but it can be done.

Q: How well do your friends and co-workers think you match an emotion to a situation to keep things on track instead of derail it?

3. Social awareness: The ability to accurately understand other people’s emotions and perspectives as well as their needs. This also includes accurately assessing what happens in a meeting or the dynamics of a team or organization. Recently, I had a situation where I spoke to three people to understand what happened and one person had a completely different and unrealistic account of what happened due to low EQ.

Q: How accurately do you understand a conversation? Would others agree with your perceptions?

4. Relationship Management: The ability to cultivate relationships plus manage and resolve the difficult ones with grace. I’ve had a few bosses that were masters in handling a difficult situation or even firing someone and still managed to maintain a friendship or professional relationship with the person. That’s a skill that people with high EQ succeed in.

Q: How well do you manage the difficult conversations and what impact do they have on your relationships?

A few gentle signs that you may need to work on your EQ:

You get impatient and frustrated when others don’t understand something

You don’t care if people like you (meaning you are unaware of how what you say is perceived by others and the impact it may have)

You find others are to blame for most of the issues on your team

Emotional intelligence is an essential component to focus on as you strive to develop better relationships whether you are a CEO, manager, entrepreneur, student, mom, business professional, artist, athlete, writer or musician.

The effectiveness and meaningfulness of our interactions will dictate the success and engagement of our lives.

And similar to becoming a master in anything, this too is a process and takes time and awareness.

What’s a simple step you can take today to build your awareness and emotional intelligence?

About Alissa

Alissa Finerman is an Executive Coach and Gallup Certified Strengths Coach, speaker and author of Living in YOUR Top 1%. She works with managers, C-suite executives and teams to leverage strengths, shift beliefs and achieve meaningful goals. Alissa has an MBA from the Wharton School and a BA from the University of California, Berkeley. She has worked with Neutrogena, Bristol-Myers Squibb, the Milken Institute, LA Business Journal, Prostate Cancer Foundation, and NBC Universal. To learn more about coaching with Alissa, please visit her website and follow her on Facebook