I work in a private nursery school. I was made redundant from a large primary school last year and felt very lucky to have secured a job. Even tho less hours(fortuotous) and a lot less money.

These last 3 months or so I seem to be failing in my job! My manager has picked me up on all sorts of trivial things. It is all right to leave me in charge when she swans off on holiday but then picks up on seemingly trivial things and they get blown up out of all proportion. Today I was again left in charge to lock up!! etc. Just had message to say door was apparently left unlocked. Now I am sure 100% that I locked up. Either I am going mad or there is something else going on here. No-one knew I had FM when I was given the job, basically no one had asked me my medical history.

I am feeling a little paronoid here? Am I being got at?. Are we looking at constructive dismissal? I actually feel like calling it a day and getting signed off sick. My dr. would do it at an instant. Have just been told that not only have I a failed Carpal tunnel on my right hand but also Carpal tunnel on my left and have to wear splints on BOTH hands. Oh joy!!!

I have a year to go before I retire, but feel I am failing everyone. If I really am not doing my job properly.(after 42 years of working with children!!) then perhaps it is time to throw in the towel! I know FM has many facets and some of us have some symptoms others have different, some have them all!, but I have yet to come across anyone who has loss of memory as a symptom. I know all about Fibro fog, but if I am to be believed I must be far down the road of dementia!!!! Sorry to rant on, but am feeling very depressed about the future at the moment and very vunerable in my work place. Any positive pointers anyone? best wishes Sue.

9 Replies

This sounds awful. You don't say whether or not you are working with other colleagues, but if you are maybe you could GENTLY try to find out if they have noticed your 'failings', This might at leat give you some objective feedback as to whether your boss is bullying you, or if there is a genuine problem with your performance. At the moment it does sound more like bullying. The reason that I say that is because if you are really not performing to the required standard then there is no way you should be left in charge, and she is being negligent in her duty of care to the children and parents by doing so. The fact that she will leave you in charge says a lot more about your competence than the fact that she is constantly picking on you over trivia. That just says a lot about her 'management' style.

I found having fibro makes me much more prone to self-doubt and it sounds like the same thing is happening for you. Unfortunately this makes you an easy target.

You need to decide whether you want to explore other options for dealing with the situation, or whether you are going to leave / go off sick. Maybe you do need to take a bit of sick leave in order to re-charge your batteries to tackle the situation differently, and have some time available to yourself to seek expert help on how to change what is going on.

Please don't let her negativity drag you down. I know that's easier said than done, but with 42 years of experience you must be very valuable both to her and to the children.

You may want to get some legal advice and start quietly documenting what happens (e.g. what instructions are given by whom, exactly when you carry out those instructions - like noting the exact time you lock up). It could well be that they are trying to push you out - it is a lot easier to sack someone for being incompetent than to make them redundant or sack them for no good reason. An alternative would be to not agree to do anything above your core role.

Thank you for your very positive replies. I have to say today looks much brighter!!! No thanks to the weather! Re the locking up problem. Thankfully there was a witness to the fact that I DID lock up. It is the 'nit picking' I find a bit hurtful and depressing. I do feel I am not perhaps performing to the best of my ability, but the pain takes a lot of blocking out, and I suppose some days I am distracted and not always performing at my best.

Re taking sick leave. I don't get sick pay, and it would actually put the Nursery school in a very dificult possition. Altho' I have 3 other colegues plus the manager, there is no provision if one of us went long term sick!

I think KazF you made a very telling remark. The fact about her managerial style. This is her first Managerial role and she is lacking in a lot of areas. I think the fact that I have also managed a Nursery school, makes her uneasy sometimes. Probably why she doesn't like me to be TOO GOOD!

So, I guess I will soldier on. Only 4 weeks until the end of term. Hooray! This school year has just flown by, so hopefully so will the next and this time next year I will be looking forward to retiring, for good this time!!

I think you are right about the paranoid episodes. The more I think about things the more I doubt myself. (Was that a pink pig or a black cat???)

Thank you for your support. I have learn't so much since joining this site. I am beginning to recognise the regulars. With so many of you so much worse than me I usually come away feeling much better about things.

Glad you are sounding more positive; I do find self doubt a problem and sometimes I am sure I put things away and then find they are not there. There was a black and white film (sure there are others) where a husband was trying to convience his wife she was going mad. With outbecoming OCD get into a habit of checking things but only once and glad you had a witness.

Have you heard of the Peter Principle it looks like your manager has been overpromted and if you are due for retirement in the next year it looks like you have much more experience than she has.

If it was myself I would tell them of your condition that way you are covered of course my the Equality at Work Act thus giving you a better leverage if anything does go wrong at the hands of the manager you could always claim disability discrimination and maybe she would run for cover.

They do know of my condition now, as I had to fill in a medical form a few months ago now. BUT like most people, they had never heard of it and therefore have no understanding of how it affects you. I just have a 'wobble' every so often when I know in my heart that I am perhaps not doing my job as well as I used to. Anyway, another week completed and only 4 more until the long summer break, so hopefully can recharge my batteries.As long as I don't go mad with my DIY projects I have planned!!!

4 years agoHidden

Hi Sue. This could have been written by me . I work as admin for a retail company there's only 2 of us me and the head admin. she makes many mistakes but just shrugs them off put likes to point out any I make. Even the store manager and salesment know what she's like but if I say anything to them I just get "she's good at her job " I agree there are lots of aspects that she does that I couldn't do but simple things like ordering replacements and general office duties she just does not do. I also have terrible memory problems Dr says I'm too young for dementia (57) and just brushed me and a daughters concerns off. I drove to a store 22 miles away because I thought I was working there that day.I constantly ask people to repeat what they have asked me to do I have to write everything down have post it notes everywhere. Is this brain fog, stupidity or dementia setting in Hugs Janet xx

Hi, Janet. I think this 'Fibro Fog' as they call it, is really us trying so hard to block out the pain and carry on functioning that we also block out other , sometimes important facts. I know if I have had a bad day at work I have usually had a bad day pain wise too. Probably a bit chicken and egg! I can have whole days where I must apear totally distracted because I am trying so hard to block out the pain by thinking of something else, unfortunately rarely the things I should be paying attention to! Also do you find that as everything seems to take over twice as long to do you are constantly 'time poor'? I know I have some school work to do, but altho' I had every intention of doing it this weekend, I just didn't have a moment once I had done all the weekend jobs. If I try and work on too long once my body tells me I have had enough I either start falling over,(nothing to do with the bottle of red wine, honest!!!) or I need to read things over and over before they make any sense, so doing school reports past 7pm would be utterly useless!.Guess we just have to struggle on and grow a thick skin, not easy when lately the smallest negative comment can make me cry and I am not a cryer by nature.