Thursday, November 26, 2015

At our Shabbos table
each week, I try to ask our children a challenging question based on the parsha,
for a cash reward.

This past Shabbos the question
was: in what way is the structure of Parshas Vayetzei unique? How does it
differ from any other parsha in the Torah? The correct answer is that it is the
only parsha that contains no openings in the Torah. In other words, in a Sefer
Torah there are no paragraph breaks throughout the entire parsha. Parshas
Vayezei is a few long continuous columns of words.

For those who do Shanyim
Mikra V’echad Targum by reading from one opening in the Torah to the next,
it is very challenging. For those of us who do it late Friday night (which during
these winter Shabbosos, ‘late’ is around 7 p.m.) reading page after page of
Unkelos without any breaks presents a real battle against head-bopping
snoozes.

Chazal explain that the
open spaces in the Torah symbolize the need for one to step back and
contemplate what has just occurred or has been taught. It is not merely for
aesthetics. Rather, one must “learn” the open spaces, i.e. by reflecting on the
lessons that were just taught.

Parshas Vayetzei
contains the story of Yaakov Avinu’s descent and lingering in his personal
exile in the home of Lavan. One of the greatest challenges of exile is that one
is not in control of his fate and responsibilities. He is under the dominion
and direction of others, subject to their whims and demands. Often those
expectations are antithetical to Torah values. In such an atmosphere it is all
the more challenging to contemplate what G-d expects and demands of a person in
such a situation. That challenge is symbolized by the lack of open spaces in
Parshas Vayetzei.

Yaakov Avinu
demonstrated that one can, and must, maintain his integrity and connection to
G-d even in such a challenging atmosphere.

I don’t know if there’s
any message that speaks more to our generation! Think about the life of the
common person living in our contemporary free world. We go to sleep with our cell
phones nearby. Many of us wake up in middle of the night to check email and
social media posts, which severely hinders quality sleep. The phone alarm
buzzes and we start our day by checking our phones. As we munch down a quick
(often unhealthy) breakfast and sip our coffee we check the news and sports. As
kids wait for the bus they upload selfies onto Instagram. As adults head out to
their cars they text and make phone calls.
And that’s just the morning.

In a classic Far-Side
comic, Gary Larson depicts a family staring at a wall. The caption below reads
“what families did before television”. There was a time when boredom was part
of life. It wasn’t pleasant but it did give our minds time and space to wonder
and imagine. For children that enhanced the development of their cognitive
minds, for adults it meant advancements in work productivity.

When life becomes an
endless marathon of effortless brain stimulation, we never have the opportunity
for introspection and reflection. Our creativity and novel thinking begins to
atrophy and we become mindless robots going through the motions without depth
or meaning.

Part of the reason we
seek that constant stimulation is because we are afraid to be alone with
ourselves. We are afraid of what we might encounter. But without it life is
devoid of meaning and meaning is what makes us human.

Yaakov Avinu was able
to raise the greatest of families despite the fact that that he had no external
space or breaks. Somehow he was able to find internal meaning through
contemplation and reflection despite the demands imposed upon him. It’s
something we need to learn as well.

By now it sounds trite
and clichéd but it is the truth and our only option: We can only connect
internally if we learn to disconnect externally.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Growing up there was hardly anything
more exciting that receiving a package in the mail. You would open the package
and admiringly look at the contents which you have long waited for. Then you
put aside the contents and lovingly hold… the bubble wrap! Nothing was more thrilling and
delightful than spending hours stomping all over those bubbles and basking in
the satisfying "pop" sounds. The fact that it also annoyed everyone
around you, and caused everyone else to become jealous that they didn’t have
any bubble wrap, made it all the more fun.

This may come as a shock
but it seems that the excitement of bubble wrap is becoming a memory. Sealed
Air Corp, which has sold Bubble Wrap since 1960, is introducing a new version
of the product called iBubble Wrap. The original bubble wrap is too
space-consuming. It was delivered in massive roles to warehouses and would take
up a great deal of space which couldn’t be used for actual merchandise. The new
wrap takes up one-fiftieth the space of the traditional material and appeals to
online retailers who are driving growth in the $20 billion protective packaging
business, and want to ship items as compactly as possible.

The revamped material is
sold in flat plastic sheets. Just prior to shipping the sheets are filled with
air via a custom pump. Once inflated, iBubbles look similar to traditional
Bubble Wrap with one notable exception: there will be no satisfying pop when
you push, press, sit, or stomp on it.

The bottom line is that the wrapping needs
to protect the contents in the most efficient and resourceful manner possible.
Despite how enjoyable it is to play with bubble wrap, if there is a better way
to protect packages in a more ideal manner, than it’s time to bid bubble wrap
farewell. The main thing is that the package arrives in its pristine form.

As a nation we have been proudly
carrying invaluable merchandise with us wherever we have been. It’s the
merchandise which guides our lives and infuses our days with meaning,
direction, and purpose.

That merchandise needs to be taught and
presented with attractive and user-friendly ‘bubble wrap’. Children need to be
drawn towards the merchandise by the wrapping so they could eventually
appreciate the merchandise itself.

In each generation the wrapping needs to
be adapted to its times. The wrapping used in my father’s generation is not the
same as the wrapping used in my generation, and the wrapping used in my generation
is not the same as that of my children. The techniques, the approaches, the
disciplinary tactics, and the reward system are all part of the wrapping.

Despite the fact that the wrapping
constantly has to be revamped, the package inside always stays the same. In
fact it is illegal to tamper with it.

This
distinction is actually vital to understand. Whatever falls into the category
of ‘wrapping’ is subject to change, but the merchandise itself is exactly as it
was, as perfectly pristine as it was when it was first given to us at Sinai all
of those years ago.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

In Ashar I have the
privilege to be the fifth grade Rebbe and to serve as School Guidance Counselor.
My office shares a wall with the office of the nurse, Nurse Trish. I hung a
sign in between our offices which reads “Stomachache? From last night’s supper
- enter office on left, because of today’s test – enter office on right.”

Last week, Nurse Trish was
kind enough to arrange for a nurse to come to Ashar to administer the flu shot
to any faculty member who so desired. It was a long trip next door but I
received the injection. The only problem was that the administering nurse
didn’t bring any stickers with her, so my children didn’t believe me that I had
gotten a shot. The Band-Aid wasn’t enough to convince them.

The next day I woke up with
minor flu like symptoms. I felt fatigued and had some achiness in my neck and
back, but I was able to proceed through my day pretty regularly.

It’s pretty incredible that
by injecting a controlled dosage into one’s body, the body immediately begins
producing antibodies to protect itself from a stronger attack of the disease.
It’s worth the minor discomfort for a day or two if it spares me the suffering
of a full fledged attack of the flu iy’H.

The concept behind
vaccination is fascinating – better to deal with the disease now when it’s
controlled and manageable, than to contend with it later when it’s far more
severe and debilitating.

Expert parents and educators
appreciate this concept well. They understand that when their children are
young they need to give them the space and confidence to make their own
choices, and inevitably mistakes, so that they can gain lifetime experience.

There is a great amount of
worthy discussion about the deleterious effect of “helicopter parenting”. These
are parents who hover over their children and seek to protect them from life’s
challenges and negative experiences. These are parents who are quick to defend
their child and lambast the principal and school for disciplining their child,
before finding out the school’s perspective. These are parents who will not
allow anyone to tease their child and when normal immature youthful bantering
takes places, will scream at the school for not protecting their child from
bullying. [The vital difference between teasing – even unpleasant teasing, and
bullying is often misunderstood with very serious consequences. But that is its
own discussion.]

Often these well-meaning
parents will never say no to their children when they are young. Then, as the
children age and become obnoxious and disrespectful, the parents have a hard
time setting boundaries.

It’s never easy for a
parent to see their child make foolish mistakes, but there is no better teacher
than personal experience.

Parenting expert and Love
& Logic founder Jim Fay, quips that it’s always better to allow our
children to learn the consequences of their actions when they are young and the
price tag is relatively small, than to learn those lessons when they get older and
the price tag is far more costly.

The shot may sting and hurt
a bit, but to be vaccinated and protected it’s worth it.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

It’s been over a decade now
that I have been learning with my wonderful chavrusa and friend, R’ Yossi
Weimer. Although the location and time when we learn has changed over the
years, our learning together has not. Currently we learn during the early
morning. With the help of Hashem we have made quite a few siyumim together.

At present we are learning
Gemara Yoma. Last week the gemara included a discussion about the events that
took place on the first of Nisan, the day the Divine Service in the Mishkan
officially began. The gemara quoted some pesukim from Parshas Tzav, my bar
mitzvah parsha.

As my Zaydei’s yahrtzeit,
27 Cheshvan, is on the horizon it triggered a memory from when I was a seven
year old boy and my Zaydei had come to visit us at our home in Monsey. I asked
him if he could tell me the story in my bar mitzvah parsha. He was happy to
oblige and began relating the laws of various sacrifices and the details
involved in the inauguration of the Mishkan.

I was disappointed. “No
Zaydei, I don’t want to hear laws and details; I want to hear the story.”
Zaydei smiled and replied that from parshas Yisro onwards there are not many
stories recorded in the Torah. The Torah teaches us how to live as Jews including
the laws we need to know and observe. A brief but pleasant memory.

At the end of our learning
session each morning, Yossi and I learn a few minutes of mussar. Currently we
are learning Chayei Olam, one of the great works of the Steipler Gaon zt’l.

In the second chapter the
Steipler explains that man’s intellect and cognitive abilities serve as proof
that he isn’t created merely for life in this world. The fact that one can
ponder and think demonstrates that he has a great mission and purpose. He
quotes the Dubner Maggid who relates the parable of the young boy who dons his
father’s clothing, which is obviously way too big on him. One is expected to
fit into his clothing. If we do not develop our cognitive abilities and strive
for great levels of wisdom we are analogous to the child who wears clothing
that is too big for him.

That too reminded me of
times in my youth when I would don my Zaydei’s hat and jacket and prance around
aimlessly. In fact, there is a famous family picture of me wearing my Zaydei’s
hat and jacket which hung on the wall in my Bubby’s house for years.

It’s been almost three
decades since my Zaydei’s passing, and he continues to be a tremendous
inspiration for me. I still yearn to fit into his clothes, albeit not in the
physical sense. [I probably would have fit into his hat and jacket even before my
bar mitzvah.] But as a matter of spiritual growth, he remains an example and a
role model.

In addition, the legacy he
left behind through the way he lived his life is that life is not always a
bedtime story, the vagaries and tests of life are par for the course. But no
matter the challenges life presents, we must maintain our mission to live according
to the dictates of halacha and Avodas Hashem.