Relationships

Relationships are one of the defining elements of our work life. When we have great colleagues whom we enjoy working with, it’s easier to get things done, and work is a happier experience. However, when we have a colleague with whom we have difficulty, collaboration becomes harder and work is less fun. Sometimes it gets so bad that we quit. But does it need to be that way? Much like in a romantic relationship, you can’t change other people. But you can change your own behaviors and mindset and thereby change how you relate to the other person and to the relationship. Taking a cue from...

In the world of management and leadership training, a lot of emphasis is put on teaching people to give effective feedback and very little attention is given to receiving feedback. Yet we know that a major reason that feedback conversations go sideways is the recipient’s response. Given the importance of feedback, we need more training on how to gracefully receive and learn from feedback, even when it is not skillfully given. The starting place is gratitude. Repeat after me: “Feedback is a gift.” Really. You need feedback to grow and learn. Even the most self-aware people...

Many leaders report that when they ask for feedback, they get very little in response. It’s not because they’re perfect. More than likely, people are afraid that they won’t react well to the truth. What to do about that? You need to make it a safe and positive experience for the other person. Here’s how: Be curious. Before you start the conversation, cultivate a learning mindset. You want to get better. You can only improve if you understand what you are doing and not doing that is getting in your way or causing people pain. Ground yourself in curiosity and the desire to improve. Ask...

Many of my career coaching clients cringe at the word “networking.” But I think networking gets a bad rap. When undertaken in the right spirit, building relationships can be fun as well as helpful. And you don’t have to be Keith Ferrazi to do it.

When in doubt about who’s doing what, OVER-COMMUNICATE. Ask questions. Air assumptions. Clarify, clarify, clarify. Frequent, direct communication prevents you from assuming that your colleague is going to do something, only to find out when it’s too late that he thought you were responsible. (Remember the old saw that when you ASSUME it makes an ASS of U and ME? It’s true.) Over-communication of this kind also prevents you from stepping on your collaborator’s toes when you take action that you thought was obvious without discussing it with her first. Explicit...