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Hey all! Okay. So, here's the scoop. f/23 here and the other girl is f/25.

I was the first girl she ever hooked up with (3 years ago), and after 3 years of us keeping in touch, we've finally admitted to each other that we've been harboring some pretty serious feelings for each other ever since. (I'm bisexual and she identifies as a lesbian..not super important but fyi).

I was pretty excited to say the least...I've had more than awful experience with unrequited feelings so this was a wonderful feeling. We plan on moving forward with this. However, knowing that I was the first girl she ever had sex with and now I'm going to be the first girl she ever really dated, I'm worried about how to proceed. She's tried online dating but it never really got past the talking stage. This may have had something to do with her feelings for me. Her late-blooming had a lot to do with her upbringing..she was closeted until she was like 22.

Here's my worries/questions in bullet point form:

Am I setting myself up to have my heart broken?

How do I make sure I'm not treated like a lesbian dating starter kit?

Is it reasonable of me to expect her to come out to her parents?

Anyone who has been in this situation or has anything to add, I would LOVE and really appreciate your input. I don't know anyone I can turn to with this.

TL;DR: A couple years ago I was a girl's first lesbian sex experience, now I'm about to be the same girl's first lesbian relationship. I need some advice on how to proceed. Really badly.

I'm m/23 and every guy that I've actually dated (not including my current It's-So-Complicated situation) had never been in a relationship with a guy prior to ours. They were also all closeted. Here's what I can tell you: I'm trying my hardest to not be in either of those situations ever again. I'd have to be convinced that I'd met Mister Right and Prince Charming all rolled into one person to be another First Boyfriend, especially if I'm "The Friend" to everyone else.

I don't mean to scare you, but that's been my experience. And with regard to coming out...that's a tricky thing. At some point, I believe there is an expectation that if you value the relationship, then you should be out. But many people (including many people here) believe that coming out should have literally nothing to do with anyone else. Personally, I view that as a bit selfish because I've been in that situation--It's the worst feeling in the world to have met my then-boyfriend's parents (a boyfriend that I deeply loved) and have to pretend that I'm "just" his roommate.

This is exactly what I fear. I don't want to be someone's first..I want to be someone's last. However, I've been seriously hung up on her for almost 3 years now. "Moved on," dated other people, and I always end up back at her.

I don't know if you can realistically expect to be her last if she's never been with another girl before in any sense. But if you've been hung up on her for this long, then how much could it hurt to try for a month or two, and then keep going if you do have a connection?

I'd suggest asking her what she wants out of the relationship. Obviously she might not know exactly, and if she's not used to dealing with feelings like this then it might be difficult to get a straight answer about it, but you should be able to get your first two concerns straight by establishing that you're looking for a long term relationship, and nothing else particularly...

Also, I'd say parents eventually, but not necessarily straight away, I know a lot of people get angry when people suggest that homosexuality is just a phase, but it may be for her, and she may discover that her head is somewhere else after being in a relationship for a while...

The "last" comment mostly refers to the fact that when I do date, I do it like I do everything else: with everything I have. I date HARD haha..I don't date "just because" or "just for now." I worry that the newness and the first-ness will stop her from focusing on the relationship, and not just on the fact that she's finally with a girl. The length of time we've both been hung up on each other should dissuade me from worrying about this but it still niggles. I've had quite a few go-arounds to teach me what I do and do not want. She hasn't. But I like your "try it out" suggestion. I'm going to try to not hunker down too quickly haha

Asking what she wants is a fantastic idea. I don't know why this wasn't flashing across my brain in neon letters. I'm an idiot. Thank you. I think I looked past this because I figured I wouldn't get a straight answer (like you said. Also: haha puns.) due to her lack of previous relationship experience.

Her liking of women is one of the few things in her romantic life that she is quite sure of. Her lack of dating has resulted from her being frightfully shy and not good at flirting. I actually might be the first person to whom she confessed her feelings. Thank goodness. One thing I don't have to worry about.

also, thank you so much for your input. These are the types of things I need to think about, and I wouldn't be thinking if you hadn't asked the questions.

I have another question as well. Feel free to not answer if it's too personal.

How did you girlfriend introduce you to sex with a girl? How was that process for you? Did it take a while? Did you need to be prompted at all? I've never been through this process..I was an aggressive one and it was long enough ago where I don't remember it much. Although I do remember feeling a little let down by it. Any suggestions?

We hung out the first time the day before halloween. Then we hung out a lot. It took probably a month or so before we were holding hands while watching a movie/doing that thing where you try to be as close as possible all the time. Our first sleepover was in March, but it was just sleeping and cuddling. Our first kiss was in September the following year. After we kissed I said "I want to take things slowly." A week later we had sex (lol).

I just think what was good was that we went with the flow. I knew for a long time I wanted to kiss her before it actually happened, but I think taking that long for it to actually happen helped me to be okay with it when it did happen.

What kept me from thinking long term was myself. I was so uncomfortable and ashamed and embarrassed and worried about everyone would think. I simply told myself it wasn't going to last forever. That eventually we'd break up and I'd go back to dating a man. It was my own shitty belief system. Of course, that said, we never broke up and we're still dating. Somewhere along the line I convinced myself it wasn't real since my parents didn't know. I mean, it was real and I was there in the relationship, but it wasn't official until my parents knew. I used that as a defence mechanism.

There wasn't anything about the novelty or newness that bothered me. It felt right so I went with it.

Hmm... I don't really have the experience to give advice on the relationship, but I do have experience having an extremely judgmental family. I've decided that if I meet the right person and it is another girl, I will come out to my parents, but that I need to do it in my own time. I would want to introduce my partner as a friend/roommate at least once or twice so that they could meet her initially without judging her. Then as the relationship became serious (at least a couple months and still going strong) I would come out to them then, but I wouldn't want to be pushed into doing it before I was ready or before I was 100% sure about the relationship, and would appreciate if my (hypothetical) partner could try to understand just how hard it would be for me.

Sure thing - I'm pretty much in the same position as your (soon to be) girlfriend. I'm bisexual and in my 20's and only recently started being very open to my friends about my interest in other girls. It's rough knowing that my family would never accept a female partner I had. For a long time I tried really hard to only act on straight attractions so I could preserve my relationship with them.

I'm actually going through this right now. We've been friends since elementary school (now we're 23) and after I came out to him as gay( a month ago) he admitted to me that he thinks he's bi. This past week we've made out and cuddled and gave each other bjs and handys. He seems to be increasingly confused about what it means that he's attracted to me. I've told him we can take this however he wants to and that I won't be offended if he drags his feet in coming out to our other friends. I've never been in a relationship before so I'm extremely nervous about doing or saying the wrong thing to him.
I don't want to be the source of his confusion and anxiety, but I know that those are issues that he really needs to work out with himself. And I probably shouldn't take it too personally if we have to keep being sneaky around our mutual friends who I know wouldnt care.

I just hope this doesn't get heartbreakingly stretched out forever until one of us can't deal with the other's problems anymore. I've been trying to put up a little barrier around my heart to protect me in case this thing falls apart, but this is the first time I've seriously had these kinds of feeling for anyone and I don't want to stamp them out or suppress them. I guess it's ultimately too soon to tell how this story works out.

Hi there! I have pretty much the same situation as you, save for age difference (we're younger), we're bisexual, and it's a long-distance relationship (45 minutes).

Here's a couple of tips:
-she's probably incredibly nervous about this. She's only been out for a few years, and this is her first ever f/f relationship. Just treat her well, make sure she feels special and loved.
-If she doesn't feel comfortable telling her parents yet, don't pressure her. Many non-hetero relationships can be ruined through pressure like this! Just let her come out when she feels comfortable.
-If you're feeling unloved, talk to her! Communication is really important in a relationship. Don't be scared to sit down and tell her how you feel. Be gentle though! Don't get worked up or angry! This will only put her on the defense.

All that aside, I hope this relationship works out! I know how it feels to have an unrequited love finally returned (I harbored strong feels towards my girlfriend for almost 7 months before we started going out), so enjoy it! :)