Sunday, July 26, 2009

The incoming tenant hired local movers to bring her belongings to our house today in preparation for her Aug. 1 move-in. All was going well until one of the movers suddenly inquired with The Boy about the possibility of using our loo. I sensed a familiar urgency in the man's voice, and knew right then that he was going to disrespect our bathroom.

Minutes passed into quarter hours as he rather loudly labored away, and I made a mental note to assign TB to Hazmat duty upon our visitors' departure. Acknowledging that this was indeed his fault, TB graciously agreed, and though he did not find 'redrum' smeared all over the walls in human feces like I had imagined he would, he did find my freshly-laundered bath towel balled up against the floor register with a single piece of unused Kleenex jammed between the two.

Yes, gentle reader, it would appear that a stranger not only used my towel, but cast it to the well-trodden ground in a vain attempt to ABSORB THE WRETCHED STENCH OF HIS EXCREMENT so that it wouldn't make its way through the vent and into the basement where his colleagues were working.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Our five-year sojourn in Iowa is nearly concluded. We survived a 500-year flood, an F2 tornado and an 'active shooter.' Can't wait to get back to Oakland, CA where the livin' is easy and the causes of pre-mature death are generally far less biblical.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Went paddle-boating on the lake with some friends this afternoon and watched in horror as a poodle jumped off a small, moving motorboat immediately after we'd inappropriately joked about how funny it would be if it were to fall in the water. I, for one, pledge to use my powers exclusively for good from this point on.