Creating a Vision - Am I Beautiful? Just Say Yes

Updated on November 5, 2016

“The absolute unattainability of her beauty made me sad; I knew that stretching my lusting hands to her was as senseless as trying to scoop sunset with a garbage bin.” (Victor Pelevin “Chapaev and Void”)

Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?

Usually, when I start writing an article, there is something that moves me, inspires me, infuriates me, there is a spark. But this question was such a generalization that it seemed not worth writing about. Yet, I started writing “Am I Beautiful?” only to discover that I cannot move further than the title. Three months later…

“Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?”

Both sexes are equally attracted to power and beauty. Only our attraction to power is much stronger than our attraction to beauty. Or rather our need for security and safety is more fundamental than our need for aesthetics. Beauty is a luxury, an expensive courtesan.

Given a choice we always go for the combination of power and beauty. However, choices are limited, and the law of survival dictates to go for security first. Once all our needs are met we can satisfy our aesthetic needs. Rich men can “afford” having young “beautiful” (arguably) women. Rich women can afford having “young handsome studs”. Or is it the intelligence of young men that pulls women in? Could be, could be. Life is a comedy. Or a farce?

Source

All men are garbage

“All men are garbage!” A woman was having a fit. At the same time she wanted a man. A doctor, a lawyer, or someone who had power and money. In fact, she did not really want a man as such, she wanted the money, and a man came as a side effect. I thought she contradicted herself, but she did not. If you look at the pyramid of needs, security comes even before love and sense of belonging

Security? Mmm… Does Security bring more money than Police Force? (Yes, think for a second.) Shall I look for money source in Security or Police?

I am guilty as charged. I want everything – security, love, and my freedom. Don’t point your finger at me. No, it does not matter which one. Stop and look at the pyramid. We all want the same.

However, the poor woman had nothing to attract that kind of money. She was neither beautiful nor intelligent enough.

Source

Am I beautiful?

That was the initial pull – to write on the topic that I am so uncomfortable with.

I am not comfortable with the question “Am I beautiful?” I am not comfortable with the compliment “You are so beautiful!” Why? It’s time to decide once and for all, whether I am beautiful or not.

My first impulse was to write something humorous. But the more I joke about it, the more I realize that something is wrong. Something is bothering me. Whom do I try to entertain? Myself? But to be serious about the subject … it feels like sheer idiocy. You see I am already losing my balance.

The outward beauty is nothing but a shell, beautiful, but a shell, yes, it has to be taken care of, it has to be polished, but it is only a shell.

Nothing, nothing, nothing. Shiny nothing, if shiny.

"In technical terms,

beauty is the interpretation that arises in the consciousness of the patient. As they say – in the eye of the beholder." Victor Pelevin | Source

What is beauty?

”Anyone who wishes to understand the nature of beauty should first of all ask himself: where is it located? Can we say that it is somewhere inside the woman who is considered beautiful? Can we say, for instance, that there is beauty in the features of her face? Or in her figure?

Science tells us that the brain receives a flow of information from the sense organs, in this case from the eyes, and without the interpretations imposed by the visual cortex, this is simply a chaotic sequence of coloured dots, digitized into nerve impulses by the visual tract. Any fool can understand that there is not beauty in that, so it doesn’t find its way into a man through his eyes. In technical terms, beauty is the interpretation that arises in the consciousness of the patient. As they say – in the eye of the beholder.

Beauty does not belong to a woman and it is not her specific quality – it is just that at a certain time of life her face reflects beauty, as a windowpane reflects the sun that is hidden behind the roofs of the houses. And so we cannot say that a woman’s beauty fades with time – it is simply that the sun moves on and the windows of other houses begin to reflect it. But we know that the sun is not in the windowpanes that we look at. It is in us.

What is the sun? I’m sorry, but that’s another mystery, and today I was only planning to reveal one. And in any case, from the point of view of practical magic, the nature of the sun is absolutely irrelevant. What matters are the manipulations that we perform with its light…” (Victor Pelevin “The Sacred Book of Werewolf”)

Once I was given a chance to glimpse through someone else’s eyes. One of my … took me to the one of the famous museums in Moscow to show me a painting of a woman that either looked just like me or reminded him of me. When I saw the painting, I fled. The horror! The horror! What an ugly creature! That is how he saw me? Now I wish I stayed and had a better look. Now my curiosity outweighs my vanity. Did I run away from my own reflection?

Manipulations. We create reality. We perceive. Beauty is subjective, because it is subject to change.

Yes, it is time to change the subject. If men are attracted to me, does it mean that I am beautiful? If they tell me “You are so beautiful!” is that even true? Do they manipulate their light or mine?

Source

Do you consider yourself beautiful?

“Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.” Albert Camus (French Novelist, Essayist and Playwright, 1957 Nobel Prize for Literature, 1913-1960)

I can be unbearable and drive people to despair, only when I am a pain in certain areas and nobody would want to stretch that time longer than necessary. That is the power of pain. I can be beastly. Can I be beautiful?

I never considered myself beautiful. There are too many mirrors to remain deluded. Then there is “the enemy” – cameras and camcorders. It is a good thing I don’t see myself. When I was young, my mother made sure I would not fall in love with myself and drown. I did not. Instead I developed insecurity and an inferiority complex. In short, I was a normal child. I wish I was beautiful. But I was. Then. Now, when she tells me “You are so beautiful!” I cringe inside because I think she overcompensates. In other words, she lies.

Source

To be beautiful and consider yourself beautiful is not the same thing. There was an incident that opened my eyes and I saw for the first time the manipulations that others perform with their lights. They were as deluded as I was.

There was a psychological test that had about 25 – 30 questions related to dating/sexual experiences. I had none. I was only sixteen at the time. The result was a definition of your personality type but limited to a word or two with no further description. Something like “Drama Queen” or “Normal Woman” or “Bitch”. Some types were funny, but some of them were not really flattering.

The first question was “Do you consider yourself beautiful?”

I said “No”. So did my best friend. The results were strange. It seemed to describe my friend, but it completely failed to pinpoint me. It was around my birthday. On our November break, our whole class went to Tallinn, Estonia. I took the questionnaire with me for entertainment. While we were on a train (it took one night to go from Moscow to Tallinn), all girls from our class, all twenty-four of them took the test. Of course, I don’t remember the results. However, there was one thing I would never forget, – every girl answered the first question “Do you consider yourself beautiful?” with a resounding “Yes”. There was no hesitation, no doubt – “Yes!”

“What the hell? If she and she are beautiful, then I must be …. There is not even a word for it”. Then I tweaked my answers and I got the result “Still Waters Run Deep”. With such description I could live.

I did not change my opinion about my unearthly beauty, but I changed my answer from “no” to “yes” to get a better label. But I realized that I was judging and ranking. Beautiful, good-looking, so so, ugly …

There was one girl and she was probably ten at the time when she said she was third in beauty in her class. I laughed. Who were the judges? By what criteria? As funny as it is or as ridiculous as it is all these beauty pageants are the same thing. There is even the expression “The first Beauty”. Miss Universe…

That title I took without asking. Madame Universe. Not for my beauty, for my love for the universe and my open-mindedness. I don’t have to be the first, the second, the last. I love the universe unconditionally.

Still Waters Run Deep

Later I did a personality test – the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It was done properly, by a professional, and the result was – INTJ “Competence + Independence = Perfection”. I did not question it then.

However, many years later, I bought a book “Do What You Are” by Paul D. Tieger & Barbara Barron-Tieger. I had to tweak my personality type to get the results that would resemble me. So, I changed “TJ” part into “FP” and I got INFP – “Still Waters Run Deep”. Of course, there were no questions about beauty.

“Do you consider yourself beautiful?” “No, I consider myself lost and I don’t enjoy the feeling.” What amazed me was “Still Waters Run Deep” part – I considered it to be my perfect label.

Despite the fact that I did not want to part with such title, the personality type still did not feel right. I always considered myself to be an introvert. Only to be told that I was quite the opposite. So, I changed the first parameter as well. From I(ntrovert) to E(xtravert). I got ENFP – “Anything’s Possible”. Anything? I guess in those waters … deep waters… lives a beast.

“ENFPs are full of enthusiasm and new ideas. Optimistic, spontaneous, creative, and confident, they have original minds and a strong sense of the possible. For an ENFP, life is an exciting drama.”

This part about an exciting drama I don’t like. Maybe it is still not me. Why do I feel that I have to tweak the results all the time? Maybe it is my creativity: take a test creatively, temper with the results until you get what you want.

Anything is possible? Anything? I want beauty and power, freedom, self-actualization … Where is that seven-petal magic flower? Make a wish! Quickly! Bistro!

Beauty... is the shadow of God on the universe. ~Gabriela Mistral, Desolacíon

Then I am definitely not beautiful. I am no one’s shadow. I think. Am I?

Repeat the question. I think. Do I?

When I am searching for my own beauty (or chasing my beauty like a cat chasing its own tail) – I am looking for the meaning, for who I am. Where is my center?

Source

You have such beautiful eyes!

He was my co-worker and used to tell me compliments all the time. It made me uncomfortable, even more so because I was attracted to him. Don’t blame me, it’s chemistry.

We were not even alone when he said:

- You have such beautiful eyes!

- It’s irrelevant!!!

I snapped. I was so embarrassed. Why do I have such little faith in myself? If it is so irrelevant, why not accept compliments without resorting to being rude or pathetic?

It just does not happen. The question is still open. The name of the beast is not beauty, it is insecurity.

“What a beautiful girl!”

A girl? I am forty. Not so many people call me a girl, but it is not the age, but the beauty that makes me jump. I like hearing it, but I cannot handle it. I start saying that it is an overstatement and other inanities. It is some banal banter… pathetic…

I know that I should condition myself into three different REHEARSED answers.

- You are so beautiful!

- Thank you. (Acceptance)

- I know. (Dismissal).

- Go jump in the lake. (I don’t know what you want from me, but somehow I think it is something indecent, therefore – go to Hell).

I rehearsed it with a friend of mine.

- You are beautiful.

- Thank you. I know. Go jump in the lake.

You see, somehow it still did not work. Not yet.

It reminds me of me, so pensive...

Do you notice handsome men? | Source

"Do you notice handsome men?"

That was another question from that questionnaire. It is ridiculous. No, I am blind. Of course, I do, there are not too many around.

Anecdote:

“A she-monkey is sitting on a river-bank. A he-crocodile is swimming past and wants to tease her. He thinks to himself, I would ask her whether or not she is married.

If she says “no”, I’ll say “of course, who would marry such an ugly creature?”

If she says “yes”, I’ll say “Good Lord, who could have married such an ugly creature?!”

So he swims past and asks the monkey:

- Monkey, monkey, are you married?

- Jesus, who can I possibly marry, when there are only crocodiles swimming around here?”

Everything is relative. In the eye of the beholder. Crocodiles are not handsome enough for monkeys no matter how powerful, monkeys are not attractive enough for crocodiles.

That is chemistry

Do men consider themselves handsome or beautiful?

One of my friends, an interesting character, said – “I am beautiful”. Not handsome. Beautiful. For a man to say that, it was striking and memorable. Is he beautiful? He is for me.

If I am not mistaken, power is studied in physics. Attraction in chemistry.

Men and women are attracted to people for whom they have strong chemistry. My beautiful friend was complaining that all women wanted an ideal man. He should be tall enough, had all his hair. Now he is forty, too (listen to the music of those words – forty, too – 42), so it is problematic for many men. There were other criteria, but I forgot the details. My friend did not fit into that ideal image, but I love him dearly.

Then he said "What is chemistry anyway? Why do all women want men to be chemists?" Yes, men should be chemists. Both chemistry and physistry should be right.

1) Define what kind of power you want.

2) Then go buy the love potion.

"Oxytocin is, in a way, the "master chemical" of social connection, and as close as anything we know to the love potions popular in romantic folk tales." ("Loneliness" by John T. Cacioppo & William Patrick)

And you can go marry that crocodile or a monkey. Funny, isn’t it, light is a subject in physics, but to manipulate it you need chemicals.

Women prefer beautiful, handsome, muscular, STRONG men. Are we talking about physical characteristics? Or chemical? Are we attracted to power? Either sex?

"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." — Oscar Wilde

What sex is he talking about? The weaker or the stronger?

Do we even know what we want?

"The goals we pursue are always veiled. A girl who longs for marriage longs for something she knows nothing about. The boy who hankers after fame has no idea what fame is. The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us."

— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

But isn’t everything about power? We want more, there is never enough power. Power corrupts, but we want to be at least our own masters. Dependence creates unhappiness. Power creates unhappiness, too, but it takes time to realize that.

Focus.

Power, beauty. Power versus beauty. Beauty and the Beast. Beauty is the Beast. I just noticed that in Russian the word "beast" comes from the word "wonder". No wonder.

In the eye of the beholder. I did not realize how many times people told me how they saw me.

“You are striking and intimidating.” (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).

“You look like a very strong person, “my way or highway”. (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).

When I asked to guess my sign, there is this repeating pattern “Leo – the Queen of the World.” No, not quite… But lionesses are more beautiful than scorpions. Urgh… (Beauty or the Beast? The Beast).

God, I must be powerful.

Don’t despair. I can share the wisdom, I have the manual – “48 Laws of Power” by Robert Greene. Get some education and you will end up being intimidating and unemployed just like me. It comes with the territory.

Do I notice powerful men? Where? I am not swimming in their waters. I might, but there are no powerful men around me. Just garbage (I am kidding.) For them I am a monkey on a river bank.

Anecdote:

“A she-monkey is sitting on a river-bank and washing a banana peel. A he-crocodile is swimming past.

- Monkey, monkey, what are you doing?

- Give me ten dollars, I will tell you.

He gives her ten dollars.

- I am washing a banana peel.

- ??? What a fool!!!

- I may be a fool, but every day I have at least ten dollars.”

I need something like that – a way to make money.

“Be a light unto yourself”

“What you think of yourself is much more important than what others think of you.” Seneca

Then I am beautiful and powerful. I might be pain in the ass, but I am real.

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.

“Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real, you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It does not happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse. “You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.” (“The Velveteen Rabbit” by Margery Willliams)

To become beautiful is to become yourself. Find your balance, your center. Start living the life you want. Others will tell you what is beautiful, as if they know. They know shit.

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Comments 381 comments

Yes. Good, that's out of the way. Women do tend to go after men with means, and it's a common theme in evolutionary psychology also. They want a man who could provide the most resources for their potential offspring. Men tend to go afterwomen who look fertile or can provide many offspring. That's how the theories fly.

Attraction is in the eye of the beholder. Some consider being overweight as beautiful, some prefer skinny mates. SOme prefer blue eyes or brown. However, to consider yourself attractive, you must accept it as so, even if the other has ulterior motives. SO, yes your attractive. But to me it's more of an overview of all your attributes I've seen. Your looks, your thoughts, your writing, and your dancing all add to the attractive bucket. Could you accept that?

Sunnie Day 5 years ago

This was a fantastic hub that really gets one thinking about the whole beautiful thing...I was married once to a goodlooking and powerful man..I was lonely..back then I was not too bad looking..I thought..but then he made me question my worth.. I did not feel beautiful anymore..so now I am married to sweet, gentle, kind..cute..funny,man..me? Maybe not so beautiful I don't think anymore, maybe okay for my age..but love who I am inside for the first time..it is true what is inside a person makes who someone look beautiful on the outside..the confidence has a chance to shine...the most beautiful are ugly if their heart is dark...no matter what they wear, how much money they have or power they think they have..if their heart is ugly..they will appear ugly to others..they just will not see it..To look at you ..I would say you are beautiful..your honesty and integrity stands for that in your writing..I know just from what you write you would not feel comfortable getting compliments nor were fishing for them...you honestly were trying to write about this subject openly and honestly..so I owe you to be as honest as I could be too..thanks so much for a great hub..We all think we want it all...but I don't know if there is such a beast. :)

Sunnie

Ruchira 5 years ago from United States

I would like to start my comment by saying that Blessed am I..to have found you in this wide arena of hubbing and to be following you :) your hubs are always thought invoking and I love it!!

Voted up!!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Augustine, for reading and leaving a comment.

As far as evolutionary psychology goes, it was not uncommon to have a sperm donor (not advertised) to the provider. In other words, not all children would be genetic offspring of the husband. Only a woman could be sure that children are hers, that is the reason for Jews considering the heritage line by mothers not fathers.

These days - DNA tests messed this picture up.

I agree it is always a trade-off, a man could be good on paper, but his looks will still repel and subconsciously we are uncomfortable with that (if only subconsciously). When I was getting married, those criteria were also a factor - looks and a hope that a man can provide. Little did I know of my ex's genetic make-up. But he was and is a good provider.

Daniel is still pretty as a picture, he took after my ex in most everything. His features are softer though. But who knows how he will look when he grows up? Prince William was cute as a boy and a teenager and now? I am not so fond of his looks (you see, I am judging. Why? I am not married to him). I wonder, did she marry the man or his status?

Daniel, however, told me, he would marry and it is his wife who would work.

- What would you do?

- I'll take care of the house.

- When was the last time you did anything around the house?

He laughs.

I think men are less choosy. My mother used to say that a man should be only slightly more attractive than a monkey - but that is not true.

Thank you for saying I am attractive. Hell, I can attract. But attraction is not about beauty. Beauty can be cold. But what do I attract? and whom?

Speaking of attraction and power.

Women have the Power of Attraction.

Men have the Power of Approach.

Women attract, men approach, women select.

I think I have more problems with the selection. If we are talking about physical attractiveness and energy and vibes - I have too much - men are very receptive, but is it what I need?

Time to change "waters" where I swim - where I will be appreciated for my personality.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sunnie, for reading and leaving a comment.

We don't know what we want until we get it. Or rather we know what we want, but we learn on our own "hide" - that certain means are not the right way to get it.

I have been told that even love is not enough for a successful marriage. What about those marriage where there is not enough affection?

I am honest when I say I don't consider myself beautiful - too many mirrors.

If I have to judge (I don't want to judge!) by your photograph - you are beautiful! And the picture is sunny, there is light on your face both literally and figuratively speaking. You are smiling. As one of my friends pointed out to me - when you smile, you are beautiful.

But really, I sometimes look at elderly people, let's say who are at least 70, and I see who is beautiful and who is not - it is the time when only personality can shine through. It is easier to be attractive in our twenties ...

My picture is from 1993 - eighteen years ago! This is my favourite, not because I feel "Look at me! I am so beautiful!" (thump, I fainted) - no, because I see myself in it. I don't even smile - pensive ... I have been fired for not smiling enough. Well, I don't grin for no reason.

I asked my ex

- Do you like the picture?

- No, you are too skinny in it.

- ???

That was the year we married. I was at my ideal weight. But you should see my wedding pictures - one of them looks like it was a funeral.

But to say that I am unaware of looks, it is an overstatement. When we married, my ex was skinny, now he is overweight - not such a nice thing. Daniel says "but Dad is ugly" - he is not ugly - I think it is everything. And certain things (not the weight) that both Daniel and I don' like are genetic - poor boy will have it, too. Daniel is scared already. What can I do? Talk about being conscious about looks.

The funny thing about this article - I posed a question, but I have not answered it. I still have no confidence - I should make a conscious decision not to question compliments. Compliments are not supposed to be true or false statements. Sometimes they are nothing but attention-getters, especially from men.

I tend to make compliments when I feel moved and sometimes they jump at the wrong time.

I was at the gym dressing rooms (?) and our trainer was there half-naked, God, she was beautiful! So, I said: "You are so beautiful!"

I nearly bit my tongue - you know how it can be perceived. I made an apology, ..., she laughed.

But I agree - beauty is overrated. It is the obsession. I did not know there were quizzes that determined whether or not you were beautiful or ugly. I tried to find one, but I had no patience. I wonder what kind questions are there:

"Can you still make it through the door without assistance?"

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ruchira, for reading and leaving a comment.

I am glad you enjoyed my article. I have probably nothing to add to the first two responses - they alone can make a hub, only it would lack focus. I find the topic of beauty, power and perceptions and judgment to be really overwhelming.

The idea for "Creating a Vision Series" is precisely that - to create a vision - get out of the fog.

As my friend Augustine knows, the Russian "Hedgehog in the Fog"... still in the fog...

Sunnie Day 5 years ago

I could just read your comments and could be totally satisfied with my reading for the day. I find beauty in my chickens but others would think they are nasty beasts..so I guess it is in the eye of the beholder..It is okay if you do not answer your own question..I could not either..some days I think I look better than others,,I start out in the morning thinking okay my hair did not stand on end today so I am happy with that..by the afternoon, I am hot it is sticking to my head and I happen to pass a mirror and think ..oh my..this is not the person I got up with this morning..as women I think we change our mind on a daily basis..lol..I bet there are quizes out there is quizes for everything it seems..oh well..Thank you again for a great hub. I love this quote.

“Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” and I say to this..Thank God!

Hava a nice night..

Sunnie

sonia05 5 years ago from india

hey kallini2010,what a thought provoking and excellent hub you have written. After reading your hub,I was asking myself'"am i beautiful?" To tell you the truth,i was unsure because i was feeling uncomfortable saying yes or no to myself and i finally ended up saying "i am not bad,i am ok....no,i am good" but when i thought of what my husband would have said to this,i smiled and felt very beautiful within and outside too. I believe love weaves its own magic and makes us and our world beautiful! Beauty,however,is subjective and each of us are beautiful in our own way! My husband finds my clumsiness beautiful,i dont know why but he does!

Great hub!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sonia05 for reading and leaving a comment. Now, that I have written an article and as you can see it is not about beauty the way we usually think, now my thoughts went in the direction of beauty as most people understand the phenomenon.

You are right, to say or think about yourself "I am beautiful!" is somewhat strange, but a lot of people are very fond of themselves. I am not.

But mother nature gave me enough to be grateful for. Yesterday I was looking at other women/men and I thought - where is this beauty? I don't see it all that much.

It's the whole package: height, weight, skin, hair ... the way a woman is dressed (I am leaving out men - ...)

I am not being overly critical - that is the way I see it. "Beautiful" is very high title.

Personality is something that gives a spark - sometimes a face might be Ok, but so flat, so boring ...

I agree with you - after writing, I tend to think even more - maybe it's not a bad thing - thinking has never hurt anyone yet. Beautiful or not.

Chatkath 5 years ago from California

I actually waited until today to read this Svetlana because I wanted the time to absorb each word of your incredibly thought provoking hub. Part of your beauty, without a doubt: Your thought and ability to question, your insight, your wit, humor, unrelenting curiosity and willingness to look in the mirror for more than just a one dimensional reflection.

As we have "evolve" - physical beauty seems to become far less important, and I wonder is it because (as you so eloquently put it) "to become beautiful is to become yourself"....Yes, the entire package. I could go on and on....

Very good discussion, the perception of beauty, the need to be beautiful...and why?

Well done Svetlana - the images and the questions raised. Rated up and beautiful, of course.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Kathy, thank your for your comment and compliments, but I will be honest with you, I am more confused now, than I was before writing the article.

What is it all about? What exactly is bugging me so much? My answer to the question "Am I beautiful?" is simple "No. However, it's irrelevant, especially for me, because as long as there are no mirrors in sight I have the luxury of not looking at myself. It is the others who are stuck with my image."

But something is still underneath it and until I will be able to dig it out, I will keep questioning.

To deny that visual beauty exists and it's pleasant it's to deny reality. And no matter what we are told, our eye picks out beautiful things - whether we are conditioned to see beauty or not.

You know the difference between two feelings - you touch smooth skin and you wish you could do it as long as you want and you touch something you want to take off your hand immediately? We differentiate. Difference in touch, difference in sensations, difference in appearance...

Really, it is very complicated. More than I thought. But maybe I will leave this subject (for another three months?), I have something else in mind.

Mark Ewbie 5 years ago from Euroland

Right. Wow. Beautiful hub, beautiful wordy stuff, even a beautiful monkey. I don't pretend to have taken it all in, but I enjoyed reading it all in. Really, really, quality stuff Kallini.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mark. I don't know what it is all about either. Sometimes it is about feeling not knowing.

beleza 5 years ago

Voted up and Funny!! I love the crocodile/monkey story!! :)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Beleza! I guess monkey had the upper hand both times, beautiful or not. Are men the weaker sex?

beleza 5 years ago

I think men try really hard in planning out what their reply will be to a woman if she says this or that... to avoid rejection. Little do they know us women monkeys think quick on our feet!! ;)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

You know, Beleza, I would not be too harsh on men - rejection hurts. For both sexes - women and men.

Maybe because I dance I know how unpleasant it is to be said "No" to and nice guys I danced with told me how much it really hurts. One of my favourite dancers (a young, sweet, gentle, graceful) dancer told when he moved to our city, he knew nobody and nobody wanted to dance with him - he just stood there "supporting the wall" with his arms cradling himself. And I thought - "Poor kid! So sweet!" But he is sweet.

But I thought that he was ignoring me, never inviting me despite the "obvious" fact that he noticed me. When I told him my observations, he was very much surprised. It all depends on a person, I guess.

And as far as harshness goes - I am the first one to point out, when I want to - I can put any man down so badly. Why?

Maybe I am really vindictive or uber-sensitive to rejection. Not something to be proud of. Words have tremendous power.

cooldad 5 years ago from Florida

What saddens me in today's world is the media's constant fascination with what I call "garbage beauty." The Kardashians, the stick skinny models, etc. But the media focuses on what the public wants to see. That saddens me even more. It terrifies me that millions of girls and women in this world want to be just like the Kardashians and those stick skinny models. Sad really.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, for your comment, Cooldad. But when I get a comment like that it seems to me that a reader did not get past the title.

I am not that kind of a writer - or a person - not to notice that a comment has nothing to do with the article.

I am not being offended by not being read, I am offended by fake comments.

cooldad 5 years ago from Florida

I actually did read the whole article, I just didn't want to write a 50 page comment about the whole thing. I think my comment is relevant to many parts of your article. I'm sorry you felt it was a "fake" comment. I liked your whole article, but it did seem a bit long winded and laborious. I can tell you put a lot of effort into and that's wonderful. I think you should be happy that someone with such a short attention span like myself actually read the whole thing.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Cooldad, I don't write for people with short or long attention span in mind, I write for myself, the best way I can. That is how it should be done - I have read the Manual "How to write well".

Every writer asks himself that question. For whom do I write?

Most of my articles are long, wind and laborious. The question is whether you enjoy reading them. If yes, you are welcome, if not, you don't have to.

My task is not to answer the question, my task is to pose a question and think on the subject.

For ready answers there are many "how-to" articles. What is beauty?

60-90-60

Do you fit?

Yes? You are beautiful.

No? You are not beautiful.

It is hard to explain.

But to be happy as you tell me to? I think it is apparent from my article that I am not happy with anything that does not feel real enough.

Otherwise, I would have written on how many compliments I get - I really get enough to write "Oh, how beautiful I am!!!"

That is the problem with girls and women that they are not paying attention to this LITTLE word you used "should" - to be beautiful you SHOULD....

Once they start paying attention, the situation might change.

I am particular about words. That is how it should be. Words are charged.

So, no, I should not be happy, especially if I have a feeling that the whole point of the article was missed. But rounding up - the article was not about the beauty, it was about creating a vision.

I am not trying to say anything except that on the subject of mutual understanding we seemed to have failed.

It is very simple ... if you seem to suffer from reading someone's work, just stop. It is not for you. That is what I do.

carolp 5 years ago from Switzerland

Beauty...it is nice to hear...I was once a very beautiful girl...i still consider myself beautiful although i got more kilos after having 2 children. Beauty also comes from your inner self, not only consider the objective side of how others see you...your figure, your face and parts of your body. Accepting oneself you beginn discovering the beauty of yourself in any ways.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Carolp, for your comment.

keis_777 5 years ago

I came to hubpages to get info on something totally different, but here I am reading a really long but compelling hub, one that I have said, okay I'll stop here but found myself reading the next paragraph, then the next.. and the next. It's a GREAT hub. I am fan.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, keis_777, I am glad you liked it.

Monisajda 5 years ago from my heart

kallini,

I love the writing style of yours. It is so engaging and meditative. I find many of your thoughts to be exactly what I think, too. What is on the outside is just a fleeting illusion, a moment. What is inside counts more.

I had a friend who was never too beautiful (at least, in my opinion) but men followed her as if she were a queen. She was emanating some sort of a female radiance that was so attractive.

I enjoyed your hub!

wendi_w 5 years ago from Midwest

Your writing is truly beautiful. I find it interesting that at 40 it seems you are facing the question in a different way. At 47 I too have spent a few years asking myself what beauty means to me. We get so caught in the labels, so caught between vanity and pride. I wish I could have seen in the way that I do now. Your writing is amazing though and so well thought out.You are not only beautiful but amazing as well

rorshak sobchak 5 years ago

Amazing hub! This was an interesting topic and you covered it very well. Keep up the great work!

rorshak sobchak

LULU SUE1987 5 years ago

voted up and very enjoyable, thanks

ugagirl66 5 years ago from South Carolina

Really enjoyed your hub and perspective. Voted Up!

MsGofLove 5 years ago

What a beautiful hub, Ms. Kallini…it makes us think, and share…I suppose that’s the power of beauty…it can capture the interest of others (from the crust)…and as others go deeper knowing it, it can attract feelings (from the mantle), and as one learns and the sees the inner part, it can create LOVE (from the core).

Am I beautiful? I look at the mirror, and says “YES” but when I look at others (including the pretty faces in magazines or TV), my answer becomes “Ah-Oh” or a “?”. However, I feel contented when my husband says “You are the most beautiful woman I had ever known…”, or my son saying “Mommy you’re beautiful”, even though they said some side comments with joking laughs. I believe them for they have seen the real me, my inner self. For me, beauty emanates from the goodness in the heart no matter how one looks like.

I suppose we can readily answer the question, Am I beautiful?, when we know ourselves as good inside and others close to us (who see the ugliest in us-looks or physical aspect) will affirm that we are beautiful.

Though I don’t know you much, just learning to know you through your writings, I would like to confirm that you are a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN, Ms. Kallini…You are radiating love...keep it up!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Monisajda, for your comment. Beauty is not an easy subject. No matter how many times we try to deny its importance, we still remain preoccupied with it. Everybody has his/her own insecurities - expressed or not.

Where these thoughts come from? From early conditioning? School? Society?

I am afraid, I have not really answered the question. No, it was not really about me, I am old enough to accept "status quo", but the subject of beauty will remain a ghost from the past that haunts. Maybe, especially because we older we get, we less beautiful we become and that also takes some courage and wisdom to admit and to accept.

Internal beauty is important, but as I said - we want everything - inner and outer beauty. What can I say?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Wendi_w, for your comment. I think my writing style is fairly consistent for all my articles. Yet, this particular hub got the most attention.

I don't think it is my particular struggle with self-image that is the initial "pull-in" - it is the way the subject echoes for readers. It is the reflection that every reader sees in it.

We are insecure about appearances. Let's face it - most of us are not beautiful - beauty is rare. However society's obsession with it is not - we are obsessed about too many things. But "beauty" is too much "in your face!"

People don't have to know you to reject you

- too short

- too fat

- too tall

- a nose too long

- eyes too close together

- dressed not according to this season's fashion

Rejection, rejection, rejection, rejection...

No wonder it is sensitive topic.

What did I want to say when I was writing it? Even I don't have the answer.

To me, one of the problems was low self-esteem that has roots in my childhood. Now, I don't believe anyone who tells me "You are beautiful."

Well, not in my eyes. Even though, it is time to relax already. It is really irrelevant. Yes, I should work "at my beauty" - I should, but I don't. (I mean exercise, etc.)

I think what is important - never to stop questioning and always live relying on your own best judgment.

Yesterday I was showing "signs of improvement".

I was dancing Bachata (fairly sensual and let's face it sexual dance) with a young boy, who could not lead properly. He was telling me that I was moving "too sexy". I wasn't - not with his lead. I did not get into a discussion "No, I am not AMAZING." He tells me "You are amazing" - amazing it is.

The other gentleman, whom I know better, told me that "You are always sexy". I said: "To you all women are sexy" and left. He did not leave it at that, he came back for a rebuttal "No, not all women are sexy and have sex appeal, blah, blah, blah." I said "Yes, fine. If you want to know the truth, there is no other woman alive that is sexier than I am."

We both laughed.

And maybe the best comment of them was from a person who is judgmental about how other people dance. "There are not too many good dancers here, especially male dancers."

I said it was not quite the point in dancing to be the best. The point is that almost everybody in a club was happy. And he confirmed it. There was at least one wise woman who said:

"The best dancer is not the one who dances the best way (rules or no rules), but the one who enjoys it the most."

We should enjoy life given our outer shells - nobody will give us other shells. Polish it and full steam ahead - live and enjoy!!!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@ Rorshak Sobchak,

@ Lulu Sue1987,

@ Ugagirl66:

thank you for reading and commenting.

I appreciate your feedback.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, MsGofLove, for reading and commenting.

I cannot believe this article got such attention - I don't believe it is the best or the most "me".

Truly, it is not my "beauty", it readers' light that make a difference.

My son used to tell me "Mom, you are fat." I did not attract too much attention to the fact, I went straight into: "Yes, but am I beautiful?" "Yes."

So, for longest time, it was "I am fat and beautiful." I am not that fat and besides I lost weight dancing, but I am not that beautiful either.

But now we have a different problem. "Mom, you really HAVE to paint yourself."

There is no end. And now "I want to be handsome" - the boy is nearly eight. "But you are handsome". "No, everybody at school says I am ugly." "Nonsense".

That is the power of suggestion - what others tell him, that is what he sees. But he is picture perfect.

Beauty... "drives us to despair" more often than not.

roc6 5 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

Fantastic, I loved that about "be a light unto yourself".

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Roc6. I am afraid I cannot take the credit for the expression, even though I love the concept of Light (for a different reason). The light is the way we perceive things. Maybe the best way to demonstrate it would be asking people to close their eyes and go around "blind" for a while. As long as they could manage.

5 min? 15 min? 30 min?

Everything would be different even for that short duration.

But as far as the expression goes:

"At the end of a long life dedicated to teaching mindfulness, the Buddha, who probably had his share of followers who were hoping he might make it EASIER for them to find their OWN paths, summed it up for his disciples this way: "Be a light unto yourself."

from "Wherever you go there you are" by Jon Kabat-Zinn

You don't really NEED that much of judgment from others. We "monkey" each other. Repeat non-sense after each other.

ivantsoft 5 years ago from US

I really like the opening of this hub. I love Pelevin!!! Thanks a lot. Great hub. I think that the absolute beauty is unthinkable. As soon as you say "This is beautiful" you destroy this subtle moment.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ivantsoft. I am glad that someone actually likes Pelevin. He is my favourite writer, even though I have to admit I read him in Russian and certain things cannot be translated.

I don't think that you can destroy "beauty" with anything you say. You cannot even destroy "beauty" with your judgement.

A beautiful person... Nnno... But, frankly, it is irrelevant. There are many ways to see beauty. Sometimes your mood will colour everything.

Well, again, I don't know if you speak Russian, one of the favourite quotes I have by Pelevin:

"Pustoe serdze bjetsya rovno

napopolam, moya lubov."

If you don't speak Russian, just leave it - it has double meaning. An empty heart?

Olivia Preston 5 years ago from North Carolina

Very good and thought provoking :) Pretty good for not knowing how to start.. I hate those.. :)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Olivia. Yes, it was sitting for a long time... and all of a sudden, it gets the most attention of everything that I wrote.

I had a teacher in the university, he used to say "Every good idea must ripen". He was right - writing requires thinking and thinking requires time.

If you have good ideas - keep them in a folder "Future Masterpieces", add your notes, eventually it would be even better.

Neil Sperling 5 years ago from Port Dover Ontario Canada

I enjoy your wisdom and your humorous, entertaining yet thought provocative writing style. Life is a comedy. Or a farce? To become beautiful is to become yourself. Find your balance, your center. Start living the life you want. Others will tell you what is beautiful, as if they know. They know shit.

Awesome Hub!

ctbrown7 5 years ago

Nice approach to this topic, and very thorough. We all too often look for beauty outside before we find it in ourselves.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@ Neil:

Thank you, Neil. The manual is short - be your own judge. The most beautiful people? Happy people. People who laugh.

@ Ctbrown7:

Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I often find beauty in thinking rather than looking, because it is our thinking that makes us see things/people in a certain light. And even though it has been suggested too many times to be amusing - to stop thinking, I won't. I may have been given a not so beautiful shell to wear, but my mind is mine to develop and "beautify".

mecheil 5 years ago

Amazing writing style. It keeps you reading, even if right from the very start you know the answer will still be... (finding yourself undecided, whether yes or no). Because, you know, standards of beauty is vague and veiled, even if you alone set a standard of your own. It makes you try tweaking answers to at least direct yourself to an answer that would probably just satisfy your self worth, or tell yourself lies.

stricktlydating 5 years ago from Australia

A fantastic read! Gave me a giggle at the end too. From my point of view, even the most beautiful looking man/woman can become ugly as soon as they open their mouth. So I think looks only really account for a first impression (Of whether someone is actually beautiful). It gets harder to see someones beauty if they have major personality flaws. And I've also found while dating on friend will find someone totally gorgeous (Just going on looks) while I think they're ugly! So, it's a matter of tastes too. Great Hub!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mecheil. I will be honest, I don't think this article is that different from everything else I write (at least my latest articles, "Men are Buses", for example).

I guess the interest might be reflected by readers' "light".

There is no answer to that question, really. It is what it is, what you see is what you see.

That is the trouble with art - most people wait to be told what to see or what to feel. ??? They are supposed to see and feel for themselves.

I consider myself to be a good dancer until someone tells me

- "you go too fast";

- "don't use too much force!";

- "God, woman, can you let a man do his job?! You are not the leader!"

I get the point. There is something to work on ... Beauty? I should not complain...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Stricktlydating. We all have this wisdom: what is on the outside is simply not enough. Enough for what?

To be a model, it may not be enough, because it is fairly cruel business and has nothing to do with beauty. It has to do with industry, marketing, mark-ups... Very unhealthy - physically and mentally for people who are involved.

To be an interesting person, looks are never enough. I don't even think of "major personality flaws" - to me if a person is simply boring would be a deal-breaker. What can I do? Look in the empty eyes of a person with perfect features? I would not last long.

In short, beauty is important, but it is never enough.

shubhamm 5 years ago

cool ones

vin43 5 years ago from india

Iam really impressed by your hub , you have done a nice thing by ellaborating / explaining the thing in details

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

Supper liberating hub and I loved reading this...Excellent. :)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Astra Nomik, for your kind of words.

Thek1ngsway 5 years ago

This is a great article . Also great structure in putting it down .

I think that people talk whay to much about beauty. The facts are that smth that we consider beautiful today , we might not consider beautiful tomorrow though in the appearance of that "thing" might not have changed anything . Its a pitty that humans get so hanged up with beauty . its a bloody shame. Beauty is not practical ! yeah right HA HA

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you for your comment, Thek1ngsway.

I agree that most people do not understand that beauty can be seen anywhere any time. It takes freedom and courage to admire what others don't.

I don't deny that there is such thing as good taste. I don't deny either that we are compelled to copy each other. No matter how much I want to deny that the today's style of women's shoes is ridiculous - heels are too high to be safe, my eye picks it out of the crowd who is conforming and who sticks out like a sore thumb.

Even by creating a similar fashion when we are dressed more or less alike (we always do) - we do create some beauty.

I do value beauty in everything, in people as well. After I wrote this piece, I tried to look more attentively at people's faces and I found that there were not too many I could not take my eyes off. But there are such faces. Not all of us are so blessed. We might have a great figure, but not facial features or vice versa.

But in the end - beauty is not enough for happiness. If love is not enough, then ...

We also have a saying "Don't get born beautiful, get born happy". But happiness is another question.

Am I happy? Are you?

RandomThoughts... 5 years ago from Washington

I came to the conclusion that powerful, rich men are very attractive because they feel secure and safe and can give a sense of relief. Yes, who wants to be thinking about the gas bill?? However, it is their money and always will be their money. I have experienced the aphrodisiac of a rich man, but ultimately there was never going to be an equality...I wasn't going to live on an allowance and I apparently don't strive to that extent to acquire that amount of money. This was a great hub and a whole new wider angle to look at beauty and power. Wonderfully tied together.... Thanks

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, RandomThoughts.

You are right, but it is not only men, rich women get young lovers for the same reason.

For two different reasons, I have been discussing two different marriages - both for profit but not necessarily monetary. The feelings are quite mixed.

Just look at the Maslow's pyramid - it is has been proven long time ago - security first. But then? Can you handle being a property?

I divorced even though my situation was not too straight forward.

And speakings of random thoughts ... - I was fortunate to have this hub featured and there are so many comments now (random thoughts) that can comprise another article. The only thing is missing - structure. Maybe I should stop and reread it all.

Please feel free to come back - I have been writing other "visions".

BDhire 5 years ago

nice one...:)

yes I am beautiful and thanks god to make me beautiful :)

BethanRose 5 years ago from South Wales

An interesting hub and good points

KB 5 years ago

It's really nice describe you.

Kathryn Kutny 5 years ago from USA

I guess I am abnormal. I am married to a guy, he used to want 7 children with me and now wants none.

And he is chasing other women now and expects me to be ok with it. And I'm not allowed to do what he does.

If I do, I am the bad one. If he does, its ok and I can just leave if I'm not happy with it. He frustrates me.

I should create a hub about it. Your hub really inspired me to write about the guy I am with and why women stay with bad guys.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

BDhire, BethanRose and KB, thank you for reading and leaving comments.

Kathryn:

You are not abnormal. But you are not going to like what I have to say. I am not a professional psychologist, but you live your life and you are in TOTAL control.

"You are not allowed?" Who disallowed you? You let it all happen to you.

We are all like that until one moment when either something happens and we can take it no longer. We blame others or ourselves, it is called blame-shifting. It solves nothing.

But it is too difficult for me to explain in a few words. Your life is yours only, not your husband's. It might take you a long time to break dependency. It is a long and a painful process. It begins with waking up... and realizing there is no one but you who has to do it all, grow up, clean up the mess...

My life is still a mess, but I am much happier after the divorce.

I am so sorry to say this. The best thing is to take a deep breath and listen to what others might say... don't run away from the pain. You can't anyways, you just prolong it.

And your husband? Chasing other women? He is running away from some emptiness inside of him as well without realizing it. I doubt very much he is happy.

Write, it helps.

upal19 5 years ago from Dhaka

So, women can't love? Men are running to love them and to be loved by them (me too) but when I realize it that they only love man's wealth I get frustrated.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

I'm sorry, but I don't remember saying anything like that. It is a generalization. Not all men "run to love women", not all women would be satisfied with money only.

I think it is (could be) the reason you don't see old men with intelligent women. It is usually young, beautiful(?) and quite brainless ones. There were even a couple of comments here - women stating that marrying for money did not work for them. Financial security is not enough. If love is not enough...

But wealth is a factor of attraction, so your frustration is quite understandable. But there is something else as well. There is such thing as emotional deprivation - some of us believe that we are never can be loved the way we want. Maybe it is even my case, I don't know. I want something more. What more?

Did my ex love me? Did he love me enough? I don't know. I think I can love, but ... I have a boyfriend who is totally wrong for me, but as far as feelings go, I think I feel quite adequately - he cannot give me anything, but his feelings. Yes he has more money (not so difficult given I have ZERO at the moment) and he is the first man who is ready to shower me with presents (most men are not so generous), but I always refuse. I am as considerate about his money as I would be about my own.

Maybe you are attracted to the wrong type - most of us are.

I am writing series on finding a soul mate - it is very much work-in-progress. I called it "Men are Buses." There are only a few articles so far - but the idea is to find a soul mate you have to work hard and the hardest part is you have to reexamine your life. I am nowhere close. One thing is clear though - whatever troubles I have with love are my own.

And speaking about money - I am stuck with the challenge of finding a job now (I doubt you consider women like me desirable despite my wonderfulness and beauty) and so I wrote an article - 42 ways of making money out of nothing.

It started out like a joke, but ended ... if you want to see the end... I did not see it coming.

upal19 5 years ago from Dhaka

I too joked on it, I know women can love. they suffer for love, they can ignore wealth for their love. Men are wealth lover as much women are not. The factor is wealth. Wealth is needed for living but love is needed for satisfaction.

I'm going to check those out what you have contributed to hubpages.

Kathryn Kutny 5 years ago from USA

I don't need to talk to a psychologist. I have friends to talk to. Plus I don't have a mental illness. Just married to a man that likes to manipulate me. And I did write a new hub that kinda explains how I feel right now. I have trouble letting go of people when I get attached to them and I forgive to easily. I always believe people can change if they want, but they have to do it for them selves. I guess I have some hope for him and me. And he wants to share the women with me, if that helps at all. But I'm not sure if I really want to do that with him. I'm not that good at sharing my husband with another woman. It is scary to me and feels weird. I guess I'm afraid of the unknown. Like what might happen if I do....

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Then you know the answer, Kathryn.

I don't like to give advice, I only say what I know or believe is true.

You don't have to share my views. For me, even being right is not important at all.

My problem was that I listened TOO MUCH to the advice of others. I thought they knew better, they did not.

I like helping others, but before I can do that, I have to help myself. It is still very much a work-in-progress.

I wish you all the best in your relationship and your life.

Happy hubbing,

wedmed 5 years ago from US

great hub! I think beauty is more state of your soul. Inner beautty rules.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, wedmed. Beauty is a subject ... of opinions. Opinions are never right or wrong.

If I have to judge my "inner beauty" - it is sheer insanity. I don't have inner beauty - I am my mind, if my mind is really mine. According to Buddhism, it is disputable. And I like to explore Buddhism. Buddhism's central idea is Light and awareness, understanding oneself. It is really simple, yet not easy.

The way I look? I am not beautiful. To myself, I am not. I have to accept my own opinion or change it.

How do others judge me? They have their own lenses. I have mine, too.

To me an empty face is never beautiful. That is why I was talking about personality types. A smile, a quick wit, sense of humour... a person who can make me laugh - it is not so easy.

But I do recognize beauty - give me a Greek God any day with everything mentioned above. Maybe because they were Gods they had it all.

Do Not question beauty for when you have the answer within - there is no other qestion of doubt... I'm talking about your -"Inner Beauty" - your 'Spiritual -Self.' -There is No Other Beauty...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you Marie-AnneLeClerc.

All things exist in perception, even facts. The universe does not think - math and physics exist in our minds as well, the universe is unaware of the laws of nature and science.

This message exists only when I write it and when a reader reads it, the rest of the time, it is stored on some hardware as ZEROs and ONEs. To bring it to existence one need the instrument of making it visible - a mind.

But asking me not to question - I will always question everything.

Intelligence is a property of the mind(brain) and that is how mine works. Besides for writing, one must think.

Marie-AnneLeClerc 5 years ago

Ok I do understand- I guess as I already mentioned that beauty comes from 'within' - to this we do agree. What I mean't is that if You "Believed In Yourself" - then there would be no reason to doubt nor question your self. 'Self-Esteem' is a means to a 'Balanced" -"Sense of self" whether you are spiritual, physicaly beautiful, or richly succesfull... -Are you a science student? for when you mention zeros & ones etc; Then you quote; " To bring to existence the instrument of making it visible - a mind."

To me this is physics - and yes I do think a lot...

Thanks again...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Marie-Anne:

I think the reason I write is that I am trying to answer the question "Who am I?"

Even though in Buddhism the correct question would be "Who is here?"

I like the description one of the hubbers wrote about me:

"You set me to wondering about a person with the mind of a scientist and the heart of a poet and the spirit of a dancer and where such a person finds harmony."

I am a life-long student, but being forty, no, I am not a student. I have Master's degree in Engineering and Bachelor in IT (Information Technology).

But my education fails to describe me. I am not my education.

To answer your question - I would recommend to read "Creating a Vision - It's right there..." or "Men are Buses Series", either "Can I have your number?" or "42 Marriage Proposals" - of course, you don't have to.

As far as "mind, light, existence, perception" goes - it is strictly philosophy.

I think a lot of people do not understand that physical beauty is important as well. It plays a tremendous role in our lives. I don't mean fashion and the superficiality that is associated with it. I wrote an article "Hautism" mocking fashion. Nobody gets the title just by looking at it - comes from Haute Couture.

But I keep toiling on my visions... Forward, forward, forward...

You are welcome to read what I write. I hope you will like it.

And speaking of the "Withins" - I wrote a hub "42 ways to make money out of nothing" - I started with money and ended up with love. That is who I am.

silentwolf 5 years ago

That was beautiful and intriguing. the very thought of beauty in that perspective is very good. never thought of beauty that way. i am pretty new to this blogging. so I was wondering, do you mind checking out the blogs I published as well. I ask because you seem pretty good at it, and I just need a perspective from someone like you.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Silentwolf, for your comment.

I cannot, however, be a mentor in writing. I am not qualified enough to give advice and I have time constraints, I even don't have time to read work of my best friends on HP.

All the best on HP,

Naomi's Banner 5 years ago from United States

kallini2010, wow in reading your Hub I felt like I was given a ticket to reading your thoughts. The thing about beauty is truly a difficult thing. It changes daily and sometimes by the minute. To be controlled by beauty is to be controlled by others and as much as I hate that I find myself doing that very thing from time to time. You writing style is quite interesting and provoking. I am stirred.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Naomi, for reading and for your comment. You don't really need any tickets for we all write our thoughts only.

And we are controlled by our thoughts as well. We don't even realize what we think more often than not.

Women have a biological role to attract, it is an instinct, but to beautify themselves - it is a cultural phenomenon. Although, men like to look their best, too.

I think the best scenario is to find your balance. And to be yourself takes courage, because others always try to mold you the way they want and resist any modifications imposed on them by others. It is nothing new.

Everybody solves this dilemma for him/herself -

what is beauty?

how important beauty is for you?

how much time and effort are you prepared to spend on reaching your beauty potential?

In any case, you cannot make a mistake - you just CHOOSE different roads:

1) Beauty is all important, time, money & energy should go into it without any limits;

2) Beauty is somewhat important, the body has to be taken care of, but there other important things in life.

Beauty... is very subjective. I stopped caring too much about it, if I manage to impress other people by my looks, it does not give me much pleasure or satisfaction.

If I can find a person who is impressed by my personality and can reciprocate by engaging in an interesting conversation - I am happy.

Do I consider myself beautiful? No. Madame Pasca (http://www.paintinghere.com/painting/Madame_Pasca_... is beautiful; actually she's rather magical when you stand in the museum in Paris and you look at her. (The link I posted doesn't do her any justice ...) I walked away for times, only to turn around and go back to just sit-down in the middle of the room and just dream. Incredible: that's beauty (for me).

I've asked many questions in my life ... I constantly ask questions but never have I asked: "Where is my center?" - In my solar plexus, of course. I don't even have to think.

I can't comment on the Oscar Wilde quote - he was a genius but I can comment on: "The thing that gives our every move its meaning is always totally unknown to us" - until you take charge of It (I would like to indent the "it" but Hub-pages doesn't offer such bonuses).

"Power creates unhappiness". I would say it depends what you do with it. Does your (not yours specifically) path have heart?

Striking you are but not intimidating. Not at all I don't think. Not when I am looking past the obvious. You most likely helped.

There are so many sides to beautiful ... you chose a very difficult topic to battle with here. An effort worthy of noting though. All the best! May your wishes come true as they do for me. The Universe can bend; just bend it. "Bend it like Beckham" - did you ever see that movie? I haven't - I just like the title.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mr. Happy, for the comment.

Actually, I have seen "Bend it like Beckham" - it is about an Indian girl living in London (or England) and playing football (soccer). Her family (Indian) is completely against it.

Eventually, she succeeds. It is a comedy.

I don't think I was so serious about asking the question "Am I Beautiful?"

You are right - I am intimidating only in the eyes of certain beholders, however, the expression struck me "striking and intimidating". "Am I?"

I wonder if I go around introducing myself "I'm striking and intimidating", would it become a self-fulfilling prophesy? After all, people tend to see what they are told to see.

I agree about Solar Plexus, but still it is not that easy. Most of us question ourselves.

But all in all, I don't find this article to be better than my other work - it shows some progress from the very first articles, but if you compare with my latest efforts, I find it to be on the same level.

An interesting choice indeed. Now, did she chose me or did I chose her? I don't remember choosing: she just charmed me. If I ever end-up posting what I wrote while sitting down in front of her, one might really think I lost my mind (if such thoughts did not occur before).

On another order of ideas, I think you are consistent in style - that I see. Improvement comes with experience either way, from the little I know.

And very nice: this article is at one hundred; I think that means it is rather perfect.

Cheers!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mr. Happy. I understand that it is impossible to understand WHY we are charmed.

I was surprised to see her - it did not seem congruent with my image of you, but I incorporated another facet into your sparkling appearance.

Writing about her would be a very good idea.

Coming back to being charmed. Whys are not important. What's are important. What do you feel when you look at her? That is all that matters.

I have certain paintings or pieces of music

or something that makes me cry.

Why? I like it. No justifications needed.

Thank you for the compliments.

I removed some of my earlier hubs (including "I am REACHER) - either I will rewrite them or simply move on.

I have a whole pile of drafts intended for "6 Months Anniversary on HP" hub, but I am afraid the one that is going to make it would be rather strange. Even for me.

Oh well, the one that is closest to completion is the winner. Just like certain things in creating a child.

clintonb 5 years ago from Adelaide, Australia

Beauty is an illusion..its not there forever. You are always known for what you achieved in life..rather than how you looked yesterday! But beauty does have its own place..and we cannot complete with it. Like you said its all a vision..of how we want people to see it..but wonderful writing!! Every word had a meaning.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Clintonb, for the comment.

Everything is an illusion, including achievement.

Yesterday is an illusion, tomorrow is an illusion. There is only now.

Yesterday you could have been successful, but today you may become a bankrupt. Today you can have a car accident and lose all - beauty and health.

What would matter then? Those who are with you. And who would it be? Your yesterday's competitors, with whom and against whom you were trying to compete?

Unlikely. Those competitive people will continue their competing in who achieves more. If you are lucky, different people would come to your side - no the competitive bunch, but compassionate ones - who realize that life is not a race to get the top as fast as you can and be the first. And make more, more, more. Consume more, more, more.

Our society revolves around achievement not co-operation. All these words "teamwork" are only words. The dream is to be the Winner, not the Loser. Make money.

Not to create a harmonious society...

Disillusionment comes by the age forty - sixty, when people start questioning their lives - why did I do it? I thought... No, I have been told and I believed that...

We forget to teach people to think for themselves and it is hard because we tend to act like others.

I don't want to compete. I want peace, balance and harmony. I want teamwork meaning co-operation without resentment.

With my opinions, I may very well remain in the minority, but it is who I am.

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

Just a question here Kalinni, regarding what you wrote about "Our society revolves around achievement not co-operation."

That may be true for some people or to some extent but ultimately, in all truth can anyone get anything done without co-operating with others? I think even the "competitive" people realize that they need others.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Of course, Mr. Happy, every generalization is false including this one.

Even in the animal world, social animals living in groups don't survive without both - co-operation and competition.

Alpha-males who become leaders are the same A-Personalities, high level of stress leads to untimely deaths (sometimes they are killed for their brutality as leaders). I read an amazing account of how two alpha-males almost killed each other and a female (I am talking about primates, by the way), a senior female was negotiating and eliminating a conflict so both of them remained alive. For how long?

People co-operate, without co-operation, we cannot survive. But you would not deny that our society puts a huge emphasis on competition and individualism.

Be best, be first.

The idea of competition:

Out of 100 people, 1 comes out as the Winner. The rest? 99 Losers. Losers feel accordingly.

Same goes for Beauty. Am I more beautiful than you? Can I win the beauty pageant? Right. Why do I have to be the 1st beauty, the best student, the best anything?

Can I be happy loving people who are around me and not competing against them for being the best dancer, singer, painter, writer?

If Dostoevsky is a Winner of some prize, does it make Tolstoy a loser?

I prefer Dostoevsky, but I refuse to see the world by these criteria anymore.

Just yesterday I glimpsed over an article about teenagers committing suicides. You know why they do it? They feel inadequate. They believe they are losers.

What have they lost? Well, those who succeeded with their suicides - they lost everything. Who is to be blamed? Society? Those who were around them and did not care?

That is always my question - if a person is ready to commit a suicide - it is NEVER all of a sudden - other people were around and they did not care enough. They were too self-absorbed. Who knows with what? Maybe with the thoughts how to compete and win.

I am better than this pathetic case.

Mr. Happy 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada

I am well aware of the issue of suicides amongst teens, especially. Did you know that "the rate of suicide among Native youth is five to six times higher than the Canadian average"? It is quite tragic indeed.

And I suppose it may be a feeling of being a loser when one sees no way forward. Or no reason to go forward.

You are also correct in saying that a suicide does not happen "all of a sudden". It happens over time, indeed but I would not go as far as saying that people who "were around ... did not care enough", or that "they were too self-absorbed".

I honestly tried to do whatever I could but my brother-in-law still committed suicide. He was done here ... or he thought he was done. Either way he no longer wanted to move on. We talked about it for hours and hours, on different days and different times ... He simply did not want to live in this world anymore. It was about many things ... the reality he was living in was too much for him and for some reason he did not have (in my opinion) either the will power or the energy to shape reality in what he wanted it to be. I will always disagree with his decision, as in: when I came to the "to be or not to be" question, I chose to be. Yet, I do not hold a grudge - he did what he wanted to do. To each their own.

Life continues to be.

In the matter of beauty it is like you wrote throughout your piece of writing here: it is in the eye of the beholder. I find none of the beauty pageants beautiful. They seem rather fake to me. Whatever ... I'm in love with Madame Pasca; have been since last June: we're celebrating our one year anniversary soon. Haha ...

And I am not a big fan of competing unless I am in some sort of an official competition. For the most part I compete with myself. It helps that I'm a Gemini.

All in all, I like to co-operate, share and so on ... I'm a socialist animal. Thank you for the conversation, cheers!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Mr. Happy,

No, I did not know that about aboriginal kids. But there was one question here on HP and it was about men, that they are the weaker sex because their life span is shorter, they are more often killed than women, and something else and something else, but one point was - men/boys commit suicides more often (two to three to five times more) than females/girls.

You know that in my family there is a history of both suicides and homicides and just like you I am paying attention to the word. To the phenomenon.

I wanted to write an article even then (about either men or suicides), but I did not and still I am going to, but I keep putting it off. Then I looked up the suicides rates and I was shocked to find out that the number of suicides in Russia is five times more than in America. Of course, the same pattern applies - men outnumber women significantly.

I did not mean to hurt your feelings or to say that you are responsible in case of your relative. In my family, it was men who committed suicides not women - having the same condition.

But I want you to know (maybe you do know without me) - being suicidal - shows that a person's chemistry is out of balance - it CAN be treated. Our thoughts are influenced by our chemicals.

You may not believe me - but I went through both Highs and Lows and I know that what I thought was determined by my condition. I will never forget how it felt. Suicide felt justified. Nothing anybody would say to me would mattered. Nothing. You should have seen me - my ex took me to our family doctor, he took one look at me and said - "Hospital" - don't take me wrong - hospital for one reason only - to keep me safe. Treating "suicidal" stage - anti-depressants take at least six weeks to change the chemical balance. It was torture - I was shaking every day, scared, unable "to reason" - I was hanging onto this life by a thread.

Now people tell me - "But you are STRONG." You know, they may be right.

Yes, I am strong, beautiful, talented, yet I don't want to be the First, the Best,

I want to do my personal best.

My survival depends on people who are around me - my family and even my ex at the moment - I need the money.

Having not such a great health is not a blessing, but I keep going.

That was what I meant - having experienced it - I see it in people - "I'm fine" - don't give me this crap "I'm fine" if you are not - you don't know how close a person can be to a fatal threshold.

But again, not to blame anyone (too much of a generalization), people always do their personal best at the moment.

My family going with me through those rings of hell, did not know what was what and how to help, they did their best, but most of the time it was not what should have been done. We all go through life learning.

I think I have succeeded drowning in the subject. I hope it made sense. For "a talented" writer - I think I cannot give a well-rounded response.

ellahall2011 5 years ago

Yes! 'I am beautiful' is all I can say.:D Nice hub.

mythicalstorm273 5 years ago

Very interesting hub. I couldn't stop reading it :-) I find this topic very interesting and for some reason the topic of beauty keeps popping up in my life. Very interesting indeed!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, mythicalstorm273, for your comment. Beauty is inescapable subject. After I have written it and came to the same conclusion that I am no longer beautiful and it is quite irrelevant now and the question was not even about beauty per se..

I opened a photo album with pictures from 2005 - well, I looked quite well. The reason it was so striking is that I have not seen these pictures for a long time and I was not looking for or prepared to see myself the way I was then. It is like looking with new eyes. It was a shock.

Maybe if I would feel(think) that I am beautiful regardless of age or imperfections, do what I have to do to keep my beauty the best way I can without obsessing about it, then it should not be such a pain.

It happens all the time, after the article is finished, it seems to me that another five or ten should be written on the same subject.

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Fascinating how your mind works!

This covers the subject with a perspective and probing one seldom sees in one place! It's a rather ambitious undertaking and well-illustrated, too!

By the way, you included a couple of my favorite references: Maslow and "The Velveteen Rabbit". I like your conclusion: "To become beautiful is to become yourself." And certainly, finding one's balance and center are central to that.

Here's one I like: "Zest is the secret of all beauty. There is no beauty that is attractive without zest." __ Christian Dior.

I think of my two elder sisters, Harriet and Ruth, 14 and 12 years older than I. They were contemporaries together and it was a dynamic relationship. I thought them both beautiful, each in her own way. But Harriet KNEW she was and Ruth never knew she was, or didn't believe it. Confidence or lack of about it were the essential factors. Each received different treatment from others, but it's a little difficult to know which preceded: the tone of attention given them or their belief in their own beauty (and charm, which it linked to how others perceive one.) Harriet was truly a "charmer". Ruth was more abrasive. People definitely respond to those differently, especially in a woman.

When I was about 12 or so, I remember overhearing an artist friend of Mother's saying that I had "classic beauty". I remember feeling puzzled. My self-image about it was rather neutral and that just didn't touch any sense of familiarity for me. I suppose a highlight of feeling how I looked was being compared to Audrey Hepburn later on. But she entered the spotlight as something of an odd new image for a woman, not the "classic" Hollywood or beauty pageant ideal, but something very different, - funky, it might have been called in today's jargon. Then it was called "pixieish". So perhaps I could better identify with that idea than 'classic'. Also Harriet focused a lot of attention on trying to bring me up to par (her standards), which I couldn't get into and didn't really help my inner sense of who I really am. She was never quite satisfied with me, but during that time, I discovered more of my other personal, unique self-qualities & abilities, which in their own way contrasted with hers and in ways updated them, much as Audrey Hepburn's look updated the Hollywood "type". So gradually I found my own self.

I definitely prefer wholeness, not just focus on one part or quality. Appearance is certainly part of who one is, but actually it is only a minor part.

This quote from Mary Kay Ash is thought-provoking:

“There are four kinds of people in this world:

• those who make things happen

• those who watch things happen

• those who wonder what happened

• those who don’t know that anything happened!"

They say that aging tells the real story. At 20 one has the face one is born with. By 70 or so, one has the face one deserves. (or maybe, the face one has earned).

This article bears more rereading, Svetlana. It's a lot for one sitting! Very deserving of the high score!

vponsales 5 years ago from http://www.vponsale.com/invitations/

Woo ,its very nice and i want to create one too,can you help me?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Nellieanna, for reading and your comment.

I am surprised how much my writing teaches me in the end. When I began writing it, I did not know what it would be about, when I finished I did not know what it all was about.

I think more about it now. Beautiful? I did not enjoy the feeling of being beautiful or the feeling of thinking that I was beautiful - it is all in our minds - when I was younger. I did not consider myself beautiful.

But as I said in one of the recent comments - I opened a photo album with Daniel yesterday and I saw myself, the way I were in 2005. Only six years ago... Yes, I was beautiful.

Now, I cannot accept that definition, I have more things to complain about. Imperfections just keep multiplying.

But as I progress to being older I am not going to become more good-looking, maybe it is time to accept my beauty once and for all.

And I don't want to think that I deserve what I have now (the face and the body), but as much as I want to resist your statement, I have to agree. I have to take care of myself more now. Then was then, now it became more difficult, but it is still important.

I did not want to say that looks are not important. Of course, they are.

The funny detail - the pictures were not only of me, but of my family, Daniel was about two years of age - cute and pretty as a picture. You should have heard his comments - there was no single picture where he liked himself. And I never told him that he is not handsome. Not like my mother.

The whole thing all over again - he is not happy about his looks.

And I am not happy with my writing today - I am so upset with the article that refuses to cooperate, that my comments reflect that - I feel that my writing is very choppy at the moment.

break up books 5 years ago

A beautifully written and thought provoking hub! You have opened my eyes to things that I never even thought about! Keep those hubs coming please!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, break up books, I wish it was that easy.

I am writing with my blood. As of now, I experience a creative impulse, yet it is as painful as it gets.

Writing is easy (writing down the words), composing ideas is not.

It is a mystery why I am doing this to myself. Or is it what they call a gift? I cannot not write. Back to creative hell.

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Perhaps it is exposure which hurts?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Nellieanna, I don't understand. What exposure? Why does it hurt?

By the way, I was coming up with nicknames for my readers (the regulars) and you the only one I cannot come up with anything. Any ideas?

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I once wrote a poem about the ease of composing a poem and the difficulty of exposing my soul so easily. I was thinking of that.

The nickname with which I started my online experience was the one my elder siblings gave me when I was a kid: Nellita. But I suspect you're looking for a more descriptive kind of nickname.

Once I tried going incognito in a chartroom with the nickname MakeNtrax. Would that do? One old online friend calls me "TT" for "Texas Tornado". Or how about "Little, Lean and Wordy"? hahaha I guess I know myself too well to really settle on any one descriptive nick, which is why I go by my actual name. I'm multi-faceted & ageless, sophisticated & naïve simultaneously. Shy & outspoken alternatively. Carefree and careful, optimistic and realistic, wise & silly in a nutshell. Hey - there's one: "Nutshell" or better still, "Nutsnell" - haha.

What nick are YOU going to claim for yourself?????

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I meant 'chatroom' - not 'chartroom'. Doggone high-handed spell-checker! Guess they never heard of a chatroom! I see they're underlining it in red even here on this comment! haha & grrr.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Ok, Nellieanna:

With the nicknames - I get the idea, I have not decided on any yet, but it is for a specific purpose as you will see later.

That is if my article will ever see light. The idea is about reflections/mirrors/illusions.

I don't need a nickname - I will be holding the mirror.

However, what has happened? I have confused myself so fundamentally, that I cannot get out of the mess I created.

You should see the amount of paper I used for my drafts. I keep changing the focus, the flow and the title. So, all in all, I don't even know what I am writing about. How is that for a writer?

About exposure - I don't think it is very easy - either to write or to share.

I have created three "visions" so far, the Beauty, the Money and the Dreams.

The Beauty got all the attention, but it is not "the exposure piece written with blood and tears". The exposure piece is the Dreams one. My style and vision are consistent.

But it is important to write. The next one, the one out of focus is "A Vision" again.

Carolyn Moe 5 years ago

I bet you are so beautiful;)!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Carolyn. No, I don't think so. When I will be at peace with myself... To me to be able to take care of myself, I have to be completely calm. I am not, that is why I am writing.

But thank you for your words, they do make a difference. They encourage to keep going.

mhbape 5 years ago from San Francisco, Ca

This is absolutely great

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, mhbape.

Carolyn Moe 5 years ago

My looks have changed dramatically over the years... from a size 8, 5 mile a day jogger to a sedentary size 22 telemarketer/writer... I'm hoping to begin a regular walking program after I have knee replacement surgery... not only to look better but to feel better... I'd like my insides to match my outsides... maybe eventually that will all flow together... though I was physically more attractive when I was fit and thin... I didn't feel good about myself!

I've perused some of your posts... you appear to be a very brillant woman... much more so than most... writing does help give peace and calm doesn't it?... for me I also have to pray... to Christ through the Holy Spirit... take care! one of my spiritual giftings is prophecy... defined as to give encouragement, comfort and strength... I seek to do that on these hubs... blessings....

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Carolyn:

Thank you for your kind words. We all have our challenges, being thin and attractive is not equivalent to being accomplished or happy.

I understand that it is hardly a consolation. On the one hand I should not complain, on the other hand I more often than not find myself hitting the rock bottom.

To tell the story of my life, I wrote "Creating a Vision - It's right there. Where? There where your dreams are..."

Compared to "Am I Beautiful?", it has been written with blood and tears. I did not want to tell people my story ad nauseum. Those who ask and curious enough can read it now. For me, I want to leave it behind. But being me, at forty, unemployed and worst of all not knowing what to do...

Yet, I am hopeful. There is a choice - face your fears and go and achieve your personal best or not.

I wish you all the best. I have to devise a regiment for myself, too. Nothing is easy, if only self-indulgence.

Gerg 5 years ago from California

Deliciously articulate hub! You explore this subject with such presence and depth, it was a pleasure to read and see the fascinating way your mind (and many women's) works. I was especially happy to see that in the end you concluded with the only truly tenable answer, "To become beautiful is to become yourself. Find your balance, your center. Start living the life you want. Others will tell you what is beautiful, as if they know. They know shit."

The difference I want to submit is that it's not a bad thing to surrender to the fact others will tell you what's beautiful, because to be honest, that isn't yours to own. As you said yourself, they are defining beauty in their terms, and to pretend to try to manipulate what they feel is beauty is just that: manipulation. To simply be alive with magnificence, purpose and direction is mad beauty!

Well done; thanks for sharing!

~ G

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Gerg, for reading and your comment.

You probably have not read the comments section and I don't blame you, there are more than 100 comments by now - but what happened after I have finished the article - once I started receiving comments I started thinking about beauty more and more. It just never ends.

I write the way I write and when unchallenged, my thoughts make sense to me and don't need any further explanations, additions, corrections.

But "The Beauty" obviously touched a nerve. I don't even consider it my best work, there is another "vision" that may be more deserving of attention.

And that brings me to the point - I might tell you - my other article is more "beautiful", more genuine, more heart-felt, written with blood and tears, it is truly me...

But you and many, many others have chosen this article because ... (the because, I don't know) ... but I guess because it resonates more with you.

Of course, another reason might be - the article has been "featured" and it is in easy access for now.

But my "wonderful" writing style did not make such a difference as to bring attention to my other work written with the same wonderful style. It is all in perception.

And physical beauty:

The irony of human society. I was a young girl when my mother bought me a book about people who still lived in cages (I meant in caves, I just left it because it is funny, don't we all live in cages?) and their "beauties" were so fat it was repulsive. Of course, I had to find out what was wrong with their "ideals". They more often than not starved to death and "a fat (and I mean so fat!!!) woman" was beautiful because it meant she never went hungry.

Now, our society (especially American, but China experiences it, too, among other countries) has more than enough "beauties" according to the cavemen standards.

Only, we don't consider them beautiful any more.

To escape manipulation (opinions of others) is nearly impossible. Every one is left to struggle with self-image on his/her own.

I was brought up to be overly judgmental (critical) about everything (appearance included).

So, in the end, my writings always leave more questions open than they give answers. Answers? There were no answers.

Gerg 5 years ago from California

I agree that each answer brings about more questions; I have a questioning mind as well that seems to never be fully satiated. And yes, you caught me - I read your article and just skimmed comments because there were so many. I will seek out your other article, because I believe you write very well, and are emotionally articulate, which is not as common a quality as you probably think. I have pretty broad taste in reading others' writing, but when I find someone who isn't glossing, but truly digs down to explore into his/her emotional depths in an effort to understand or be truly understood, I like it - regardless of any conclusions. It's the process that is so wonderful to experience in good writing.

In the end, I don't believe it matters whether answers are reached, as much as that we reach a sense of acceptance. An acceptance that what we hold in our hands, how we process things, and how we live comfortably with our circumstances, is good enough. As I've gotten older, I'm gradually getting better in being okay with that as answer enough. Perhaps that is transcendent enough? ;-)

Best, G

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Gerg, transcendence is as high as you can get (no pun intended or maybe intended), just look at Maslow's pyramid.

No, I don't really expect anyone to do what they don't want to do. I never promote my work or do "tit-for-tat" reading. I am learning that I have to choose relationships I want to be in, not the ones I have to be in.

Acceptance is a tough subject as well, needing acceptance leads to dependencies and I am the worst example of it.

But questioning - you are right - it is my natural state of mind and I cannot and I don' want to change that.

And I did not mean that you have to go through the comments unless you want to, "comments" are on my mind because I wanted (started) to write an article about comments - I have five drafts all with different focus...

It's quite a story in itself... I want to abandon it, then I say "No, I will be damned if I give up my "brilliant" idea", then I think "time to stop, it just does not happen", then... Well, I am still working on it. Obsessively.

The pain of being creative.

Thank you for reading again and making a comment, it does make a lot of difference to me.

Thank you for becoming a follower, maybe you will like my article on "Reflections/Mirrors/Illusions/Delusions" when it is ready. Might take me a while.

Gerg 5 years ago from California

I was being funny/flip by the transcendent/Maslow comment. I refer to Maslow all the time. Hey look, this entry now has a 100! I'm sure you're quite excited. ;-) I will happily read your reflections article when ready...

TheBeautysInside 5 years ago

I would just like to say that this is the most beautiful hub I've ever read, and yes, I truly mean a beautiful hub, since its your very words that showed me what real beauty is. Thankyou so much, you have my many thanks.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, TheBeautysInside.

Astra Nomik 5 years ago from Edge of Reality and Known Space

What a truly amazing hub. This is just dazzling and full of surprise and wonder. I am book marking this as I know I have to read it again and study it more. Maslow's hierarchy of needs is pretty incredible. This is better than taking any tonic for ever having any pangs of insecurity or doubt about oneself. :)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Astra Nomik:

Well, beauty is subjective, the hierarchy of needs is more or less objective.

First comes food - (not to be hungry all the time) - then enough food - then the excess of food (we eat more than we need) - than we have to diet (be hungry all the time(?) to lose weight) to get back to the standards of Beauty.

We have enough time to make beauty very artificial at this time. To be beautiful ... there is so much advice what you have to do and what you have to be.

Are people beautiful? Frankly, I think beauty by definition means that most people are not. But we can take care of ourselves and look good.

But I prefer to feel good than look good at any given time.

Thank you again for your comment.

fashion 5 years ago

Great hub.No words to praise it.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, fashion.

epigramman 5 years ago

....well I've always been attracted to the power of 'your' beautiful, bold, and compelling thoughts Miss S .....and it took me so damn long to scroll down to the end of this screen that it's 'fall' already here by the lake and the leaves are starting to fall (that too!) - so I sincerely hope you had a nice summer my friend down the QEW where you live and you are still my favorite salsa/tango dancing intellectual who can put a hub together like no other .....

lake erie time 4:37pm

I'm putting this on my Bookface page with a direct link back here so this page will scroll on forever - or until the first man decides to ease the burden and give birth to a child (and not another remote control) lol

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Colin:

Thank you for the praise and the compliments.

You don't have to scroll - just press "End" button.

I don't notice summer at all - I might as well wake up only by the fall.

I am working in the "Self-Discovery" department creating visions (hallucinations) and rules of creativity (delusions).

You are welcome to visit any time.

carcro 5 years ago from Winnipeg

That is a fantastic hub, like reading a good book. I think beauty is like happiness, forever elusive unless your are content with all you have in the moment.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Carcro. I agree, beauty is in the mind, if you feel at peace you see more beauty and peace around you. If you are in pain, it is the pain that you notice... Everything is a reflection of you.

BreakingUp 5 years ago

Long, long hub but worth the read :) I took that Myers-Briggs exam too and got an INTJ. I was WTH I've got a Hannibal Lecter streak. That sort of creeped me out but hey! Anyway, I believe that beauty is not definite. We define it.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, BreakingUp, for reading and leaving a comment.

There is nothing wrong with any personality type - you are who you are. The trouble is when you believe that you one thing and you are quite another - you try to fit into "costumes" that are not your size - too small, too big.

The reason we are not "beautiful" is because we trying to measure up to norms and standards. We aspire to look the average - forgetting that beauty is in individuality.

What if everybody was INTJ - then we would all be nuts - or all people were men? That is just the end of the world.

We don't measure women's beauty by men's standards or vice versa. Why do we try to fit into some standard? Who said that we have to be this and that?

What we forget is to figure out who the hell we are.

If you are INTJ and this is the accurate type - just work with it, accentuate your strengths and work on your weaknesses. And carry your flag "INTJ" with pride.

You don't have to be anybody else. You can't.

joekreydt 5 years ago

excellent hub! i have one on beauty too that you might be interested in

arifulin 5 years ago from indonesia

the best your articlesss

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@joekreydt: Thank you for reading.

@arifulin: Thank you for reading as well. I don't think this article is the best. I suspect the reason for it to be selected for being featured - subject matter & probably the "cover" photo. I have other articles that I like more. But for for that you have to read and rate them. My latest "Make your creativity sparkle" did not get much attention - yet I think it is just as good if not better.

Midsrailer 5 years ago from West Midlands UK

A very thought invoking hub, & inspiring! "Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder", a very true statement, & I might add not something Press & Media can control. The human eye is the most complex camera known to the world, this in turn is attached to the most complexed computer & processor, so complexed man can not imitate it.

Beauty is, as the individual percieves it. Modern humans interpretation of beauty is to controlled by tabloids etc....

I make my individual opinion, & find that beauty goes deeper than skin! I look forward to reading some of your other hubs.

I shall be voting this up, Intriguing, please keep them coming..

Midsrailer~

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Midsrailer.

It is very touching that readers like my work. I have a collection of good articles, please feel free to browse.

The last ones are "Make your creativity sparkle" and "Men are buses. A man of my dreams" - are funny or supposed to be funny.

I saw that you served in the Navy, our little club of readers (my readers), most of them have military background. However, I was trying to look up how commands are given in the Air Force and I could not find anything...

Anyway, thank you for reading again. Beauty... when you are happy, you are beautiful, it is all about that special light that you radiate...

The only thing you need is a Vision and, yes, the brain, fine-tuned to be a unique device, rather than a Xerox of the societal standards.

Midsrailer 5 years ago from West Midlands UK

Thank you for such an articulate reply. Briefly in reply to your query about the Air force, I do know that the Canadian Air force is almost duplicate to ours.

If you can find a serving/former member I'm sure they will happily satisfy your intrigue. All armed forces have different commands, therefore I will be of no help, but good luck in your quest!

Midsrailer ~ :O)

Ramzeed 5 years ago from Maryland

Great peace of work Kallini. I honestly feel that the saying " I am beautiful " really is a cover up of how we really feel inside. A person who really doesn't feel they are beaultiful would say if asked most of the time " Yes " they are beautiful. Beauty has nothing to do with the physical really but we often associate the physical with beauty. I believe it just depends on how a person is raised and their experiences which determine who they are which determines their beauty. Some of the things you said really took a dive in my mind but I enjoy that alot. Great job again!!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ramzeed. Beauty is a complicated issue - there is physical beauty - it is a fact, but there are too many "overrides" by society. Feeling beautiful and being beautiful is not necessarily the same thing.

I had my insecurities when I was a teenager (I have insecurities now as well, but that is a separate story).

So, I was "aware" of a certain feature that was NOT the best part of my face. Once our music teacher told me "Please turn your beautiful Greek profile to me" - I took it as sarcasm. Was it? I am not quite sure now. Maybe he meant it, maybe I had a classical Greek profile - which would constitute a compliment.

Whether it was or it was not, it was such a minor thing to be concerned about - yet it caused me too much pain at that time.

But it is nothing compared to girls who have eating disorders - it is truly their vision that they are FAT. They can hide behind a stick, yet what they "see" is a fat person. I, on the other hand, when I see someone too thin have a compulsion to start feeding the poor creature - back to normal.

leroy64 5 years ago from Dallas, Texas (Oak Cliff)

Kallini2010,

Interesting article and comments. I will bookmark this one. Beauty is something that I am interested in, although I cannot figure out my motivation. Maybe I don't want to know why I am interested. T.M.I.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Leroy64, for your comment.

I would not say that I am interested in beauty, certainly not in defining it, but I was surprised by the reaction to my article and it made me think more on the subject after I published it than before I wrote it. So, your exploration may the the goal in itself.

suzettenaples 5 years ago from Taos, NM

WOW! For not originally having anything to say about beauty you sure went on forever. So, what did you decide? Are you beautiful? I am. As long as I can face myself in the mirror everyday, I'm beautiful. And, I think I've gotten more beautiful as I have aged. Beauty comes from within and to be beautiful, you need to have a certain grace about you. Yes, we usually fall for men and women we find attractive. And attractive is different to everyone. Not every man or woman is looking for money. Power, money and surface beauty are all illusions; they never last forever. But inner beauty does last forever and that is what I look for in a person. I think you asked a good question considering the traffic on this hub. Very well written, and I enjoyed reading this.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Suzettenaples, for reading the article and leaving a comment.

Yes, I had a lot of difficulty with this article before I wrote it - because I had no thoughts or a central idea (that is my way of writing, long, yes, but the question of audience I have solved fairly easily - in another vision "It is all in your head.")

However, the topic became more puzzling after I had published the article. The puzzling part? Not my own beauty - that was not the question despite the title. The puzzling part was the reaction of the public. The article became a hit and I was guessing what made such a difference.

My "wonderful" style is consistent throughout my work. The answer is simple - people see themselves, I only held a mirror. The word "beautiful" was the major attraction, I assume. However, it was not done on purpose.

So, to answer your question - whether I have decided on my own beauty - no, I have not. I don't think it is too important.

I came to the conclusion that I am fairly sensitive to beauty in general. Not only to physical appearances of people.

You can see in the way I format my hubs - they are always heavily illustrated with beautiful and meaningful pictures. I select them with care. Most hubbers that I see - do not go to such length. Why? Because it is not important to them.

The words "beauty" and "beautiful" are abused, misused and overused. It is either everybody is beautiful not to discriminate and hurt feelings or nobody is beautiful because to reach modern standards of beauty one has to work constantly at it and heavily invest in beautifying procedures.

Compare to the people whom I consider beautiful physically - I am not beautiful. But I can live with that.

The reason I am uncomfortable with compliments "You are so beautiful!" is that I am super-sensitive to lies as well. It just rubs me the wrong way.

For you to judge my "inner beauty", there is nothing to rely on, but my writings.

Thank you for visit again and good luck on HubPages!

Ausseye 5 years ago

Kallini:Woow what a read.....my answer is YES.

But then who am I saying yes....a Maslow freak!!

I have needs, oh so many needs and my brain tells me so...alas today I am making myself a sociopath with frontal lobe problems and Myering in the responsibility.....say I as I swim away strutting my tail and crying crockodile tears.....in my today condition is my YES as worthy as the next or are you making a monkey out of me??? Who says I'm beautiful is important, for the monster we know is the void we avoid.

No really a great article that got me reading with baited breath and heavy spirit...cos a man I am, I am even as I speak, and beauty is a beer with mates.

But love to get you writing about the sun, sweet sunshine reflecting a warm and tender feeling to those of us in the shade....unfortunately the big shade is coming leaving the sun to be pushed at it's mercy. The lights are going out in the universe as it expands it's influence...scientist say its something about not being able to catch enough hydrogen to make new suns due to loss of gravitational attraction between those beautiful objects that make our solar system...and no more replacement suns for us beautiful people.....so is the dark side better than bright side??? Shine the sun on that BEAUTIFUL prospect and I would be in awe of what you would bring to light on the subject.

You write beautifully for someone 40ish who has ponder the question of beauty showing an inner space that is dazzeling....for me it's observing another world wonder.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ausseye, for your comment.

Do I write beautifully? For someone who is 40ish?

I think any beauty, beauty of writing is in the eye of the beholder. Or beer holder...

So, it is up to my readers to decide on my outer, inner beauty and the beauty of my writing. An age is just a number, a mutable number at that...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Stephanie000.

I agree that there is no point in denying that there is physical, outer beauty and we are aware of it. We may be more sensitive to it or less, but it does exist and it does affect us.

The inner beauty? People like talking about it, but I have a feeling that it is an easy escape into not answering the question.

What is inner beauty? I may not be beautiful in my appearance, but I am beautiful inside. Now I am comfortable, case closed.

I think "inner beauty" is even more difficult subject than outer beauty.

Thank you again for your visit.

rikabothra 5 years ago

Wow... great hub and it has definitely given me something to think about! I do feel each and every person is beautiful but it is when we start believing in ourselves that others will believe in us too. Beauty is all about perspective... Voted up!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Rikabothra.

I agree with you, yes, beauty is in the mind and in the ability to believe in yourself.

Veianet 5 years ago

great hub..very interesting. thank you for sharing the beauty within us.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

You welcome, Veianet! Thank you for reading and making a comment.

PoliCommandments 5 years ago from DeKalb, IL

I can tell that you put a lot of effort into the Hub, and that it is spectacular. However, I would suggest (through constructive criticism) that you check over some of the grammar. The Hub read as though someone was talking to me, though fragments and other grammatical errors distracted me from the academic message.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, PoliCommandments, for reading and for the constructive criticism, as well.

I don't like grammar errors or any errors, but English is not my first language, therefore - it is my effort. The second language never becomes as natural as the first.

I realize my shortcomings and I apologize. I wish I could have an editor, but I rely only on myself. I offer content and presentation along with my imperfections.

Thanks again,

mrcan 5 years ago from Malaysia

Wow ! amazing.. learn a lot about the prospect of beauty. Great hub, voted up

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mrcan and Earn4free, for your comments.

David Warren 5 years ago from Nevada

Your amazing, and yes beautiful, photos' drew my attention to this hub. Afterwards I was immediately taken in by your insightful writing. Not to put a light spin on your writing as it was indeed deep, but I had to laugh as I recalled my adolescent days. The times when I feared swimming days in gym because I was all of probably 110 pounds wet compounded by statements from my grandmother such as "His face is so beautiful he could have been a girl". Perhaps you can imagine, I HATED the term beautiful. Never gave it much thought but I suppose that had a lot to do with later decisions such as volunteering for all those high risk "power" units when I was in the Army,lol. Anyway I truly enjoyed reading your hub and voted up and awesome. Spectacular photos as well.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, David, for reading and leaving a comment.

I think a lot of readers took my article a little bit too literally.

"WOW! For not originally having anything to say about beauty you sure went on forever. So, what did you decide? Are you beautiful?"

No, I have not decided. It is not a decision to be made. I do judge - but my only excuse is that I am hypersensitive to beauty and lies.

The photographs... they are part of me, I cannot just deliver text (no matter how great or awful) without illustrations. I tend to go for colour and dramatic images. Formatting is part of the beauty as well, and it is overlooked by many authors.

"Look for my inner beauty! (Do everything yourself, self - service at its best). Take my text and find the hidden gems." Even text looks unattractive. "But I do have inner beauty. Yes, but you don't seem to care enough about your readers to give them at least enough white space - to ease reading and intake."

People may or may not be physically attractive/beautiful, but the talk about inner beauty is very misleading. It is some sort of myth, a pacifier.

As far as lies go - I don't consider myself so beautiful to hear all the time "You are so beautiful!" I want to say "Are you completely blind? Or do you think I am so dense that I cannot spot such overstatements?"

And that was the second part - "Just say yes, just say thank you and forget about it."

I agree with you, we always have certain things/features/problems/imperfections and sometimes it is hard to overcome this state of being too self-conscious. But there are things that you simply cannot change - I am not talking about enhancements, enlargements, plastic surgery. Like height - , but there things that can be worked with. Taking care of yourself (I should talk!) and making an effort to look well, to dress well, et cetera.

So many people are so beautiful inside, that they forget that they may try a little harder to look better on the outside so we all notice their assets. There are not so many extremes - most people are neither beautiful nor ugly.

Average and only the effort counts and the eye for beauty. You cannot be beautiful, fine, but you can see beauty and you create beauty - that is the beauty of the human mind.

rockdresses 5 years ago from Turkey

A stunning post! As a common girl, I often ask me the question - Am I beautiful? Beauty is the greatest prerogative. In fact, every girl can be confident to say yes. Thanks a lot for this masterpiece! It is really awesome!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Rockdresses, for your comment.

I think beauty is more complicated that it appears on the surface. But I agree - confidence is a big part of the picture.

Ramsterfunk 5 years ago from Corpus Christi, Texas

This is awesome!! All these people are agreeing with you and adding their own thoughts and comments, there is nothing wrong with that, but honestly I feel no need to add to this, its perfect! You are an inspiration. Thank you.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ramsterfunk, for your comment. But nothing is ever perfect, especially beauty - some imperfections and irregularities are those touches that make us all unique in our appearances and especially our minds. All these readers who left comments could write their own beautiful articles about beauty and it will never be enough.

Besides, I might as easily prove the point that there is no such thing as beauty and especially no "inner beauty". Frankly, I feel tempted.

You can try writing on the subject, too, if you like.

Edwinoel Tanglao 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

We can always appreciate so many things in this world. But for me, whenever I get the chance to do it, I give credit to whom credit is due. I have seen beautiful things in this life that have 'come and go.' And I have come to realize that as I go on appreciating beauty, everything has been temporary, nothing lasts, not even the most watched movie, most loved place in the world, the most tweeted celebrity, and what have you. While I know that many will find my views boring, many times, do we realize that we can get confused and get lost focusing our efforts more on material things in this life which may just be reduced to nothingness or meaningless experiences when we come to pass? If we have to die today, what will we ask our Creator to justify an extension of our life? But how can we ever ask for an extension when we have not believed in Him or have just put Him on the sideline while we have tried to satisfy our cravings? Is this not similar to denying Him? Did He not say love one another as He has loved us? Or was it love ourselves first before we love others? I have tried doing this before and loving my ego for it but what did I get, I was humbled with a mild heart attack, and after 8 years, had a mild stroke, perhaps, as a reminder that I need to refocus my life on Him and share the light of Christ Jesus, His Son, through his love, mercy and forgiveness with others. While God wants us to be happy in this life, He simply asks us to put Him at the center of our life that we may better live this life in true peace and happiness as we live in harmony with His Spirit. Try to do otherwise, and disregard love for others - a love that is true and responsible - do we not suffer more in pain and put ourselves more into trouble? But when we enjoy life out of the love of others, do we not feel a more profound happiness that lasts with fulfillment in our hearts and spirit? The beauty that we see with our own eyes may better be pleasing and more enhanced with the beauty that we see from within our spirit. And God being spirit, we can better relate to Him with our heart and spirit, and that is, in our love for others.

wba108@yahoo.com 5 years ago from upstate, NY

kallini2010-I think your a little too cynical and pessimistic to be an NF according to Myers Briggs.I think your orginal personality of INTJ is likely to be more accurate. I am a INFP myself and we seem to see life a bit through rose colored glasses and are eternal optimists.

Regarding beauty, I agree that physical beauty is shallow but I do believe in an inner unfading beauty spoken of in the Bible. This unfading beauty reflects the true beauty of the attributes of God found in those who are connected to God through relationship. It was a pleasure to read your deeply thought out commentary!- WBA

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Edwinoel Tanglao, for reading (?) and making a comment.

I am not quite sure you have read what I wrote. I certainly cannot compete with the holy texts. I would only have one problem - what holy text to pick? From which religion? What Gods to worship?

I like Ancient Greeks and their standards of Beauty, so maybe that will be my choice. On the other hand, I might read the book on "Mythology" that I have but have not got around to reading. Maybe I will get to it when our Benevolent Master strike me with inability to do anything else. That would be very kind of Him. Her?

As much as I love talking to myself, I like a meaningful dialogue. Sermons are not for me.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, WBA, for figuring me out. One article and voila! you're done! Or was it me who was done?

"I have a strong interest in the Myers-Briggs MBTI personality’s types, with my type being an INFP. I love to figure people out, some people may think it’s a little weird and annoying but I love it!"

1. An attitude of scornful or jaded negativity, especially a general distrust of the integrity or professed motives of others: "The public cynicism aroused by governmental scandals."

2. A scornfully or jadedly negative comment or act:

"She arrived at a philosophy of her own, all made up of her private notations and cynicisms" (Henry James).

==============================================

No, I don't think I fit the profile of a cynic.

It is your choice to believe in anything you want - but I think it is a cop-out way. When you start believing, you stop questioning. You stop seeing anything because you already KNOW what to look for, what to see and what to think about it.

It is a very comfortable position, I would not argue, but I don't like that comfort for my intellect. Let it bloom - outside, in the fresh air...

If God made me the way I am, who am I to argue with my inclinations? Thinking is a part of being human.

By the way, I doubt it very much that psychologists are believers - you cannot be a scientist and a believer at the same time - too many contradictions.

wba108@yahoo.com 5 years ago from upstate, NY

kallini2010- Sorry, a 1000 apologies for my insensitive remarks, I didn't mean any disrespect! You're a great writer and I'm sure a wonderful person. I have ADHD and often blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. I've changed my mind again, judging by your response to my comments you must be an INFP like me!-WBA

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

WBA, I was not offended. I am too analytical to be offended too easily. In any case, apologies accepted.

To understand and figure other people out - sometimes a lifetime is not enough. Even to understand yourself - most people don't - there is "a character", "an identity" - but those things are nothing more than labels.

Labels to stop us from from dealing with something that so infinitely deep - that we give up too quickly.

Bad - good, black - white, brave - coward...

There is no such luxury in the real world as clear-cut personalities. It does not matter what "Letter Type Label" you attach to yourself, me or others. It does not explain everything and it never fits like a glove.

You can read all my articles and still know nothing about me. I don't.

To see, there is only one thing needed - wake up and open your eyes. As if for the first time. You will see more beauty than explanations.

"ADHD" is a label as well. I did not want to check out your profile, but even if I did not, I did pay attention to what you commented on. What you pick out of the text is the reflection of you in my writing. You see yourself, not me. It is a theory of reflections, a mirror effect. It is valid for everyone.

Naturally, if you are interested in Myers-Briggs - you go to that spot immediately - that is your reflection.

To me, all these mirrors are very disorienting - I am aware of that and I am trying to follow my own path, no matter who calls me what.

"I am no more a great writer and a wonderful person, than I am cynical and pessimistic."

I am. I live. I learn. I fail. I write. The rest?

It is all judgment and judgment is never objective.

The facts are simpler in nature: I write, others read. If they enjoy, they enjoy, if they don't, well, they don't. If they are not interested - ....

wba108@yahoo.com 5 years ago from upstate, NY

kallini2010-

Your so right, there are no two poeple on earth that are totally alike, all the personality test does is notice some of the similarities and differences among poeple, which is by no means comprehensive.

Another characteristic of an INFP is the life long pursuit of who they are, as you mentioned a lifetime may not be enough time to even figure yourself out.

I agree that its easy to misuse a label in order to find easy answers instead of digging deeper to find out the why's. Although I do believe that if you understand the limitations of the lettered personality descriptions, they can be quite useful.

It is true that often what you say about others is filtered through your own self imagine so you often project your own issues on others.

Do to a different world view, I do see judgement based on truth to be objective. Thank you for taking the time to thoughfully respond to my comments.-WBA

J Burgraff 5 years ago

You are a brave woman to pose this question. People die ever day because they do not believe that they live up to beauty. Mainly young women. My best friend's daughter did. If I get horribly burned tomorrow, will you love me, even if I am hard to look at. I asked my sweetheart that. He paused, and then said yes. We don't like to look on things that are not pretty, but everything beautiful is in our heart,and when we have courage then we can see that.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, J Burgraff, for reading and leaving a comment.

When I wrote this article I did not have that scenario in mind. Beauty is a delicate subject and it has too much depth to it. I looked better, I looked worse and I was not too happy when I looked worse than I could.

Acceptance is another issue. Self-acceptance, self-confidence or acceptance of others and understanding of physical limitations. There are physical limitations and there is unwillingness to take care of ourselves.

I find that a lot of people who talk about "inner beauty" have no idea what it is. Those are just words, words, words -- without a thought.

If all those people talking about "inner beauty" would be in the situation that you described - it would be ...

Our image changes. It is never easy to be ... a child (it is a myth that all children are happy, my son believes that he is unattractive - he is pretty as a picture and he is only eight) ... to be a teenager... then ... to age and see how your looks fade...

But I did not go to such depths - I was writing an entertaining piece.

I am glad, though, that it makes people think.

Andrea Rose 5 years ago

I liked reading this Hub.

Ramsterfunk 5 years ago from Corpus Christi, Texas

I'm sure everybody will take something different out of this article just as I will everytime I read it, but as of now what I learned from this is that "inner beauty" is basically a state of mind. That being said, perfection is also a state of mind in which I have experienced, not within myself of course given my self-realization of my potential, but in other people, things or events and this is something that can last for seconds or eternity. I see what other people see as imperfections in my lover but to me these imperfections make her more real, more beautiful, and perfect. I've experienced the perfect soul mate within her at times that have lasted up to forty-eight hours, until she does something my mind doesn't agree with. But dont we all experience these small moments of perfection, when nothing else matters in the world, nothing elses exists? These beautiful, happy moments are the ones that stick out in our memories as perfect, even if they lasted two seconds or so, but they were perfect and it all depends on our outlook on life at that very moment of utter bliss.

So for you to write an article to prove there is no such thing as "inner beauty", as you are tempted to do, you would just add to the truth behind this article, which is that "inner beauty" is a state of mind. You're completely right about the fact that everybody can write their thoughts on this subject over and over and over and it will still never be enough because this topic is an endless cycle that proves again and again that our inner strength and state of mind is what makes our reality, and our inner strength is infinite. Once again, thank you, at the moment I read your article it was perfect TO ME, and as of now, it still is. Lets see perfection as an actual goal that we can grow towards and expand. Let us grow together as the beautiful souls that we are and embellish the term "inner beauty" to the point of no return, because our minds have infinte possiblities, this is evolution.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ramsterfunk, for your comment. It is very gratifying that my modest effort made you think more on this subject. Maybe it is the best outcome that it may be there.

It is not a question whether beauty, perfection, "inner beauty" exists, it is a question of ability to question and think. All too often we repeat cliches without thinking.

That constant talk about "inner beauty" without thinking further than just words...

I tried to look up the images for "ugly", "ugliness", "inner beauty" - there are either such extremes that are too grotesque to accept seriously or no such images - "inner beauty" is portrayed is a metaphorical beauty.

But we follow the word "beauty" and the associations that our brain serves so readily revolve around beauty, forgetting that there are things that disgust us. That reaction - disgust, repulsion - is automatic.

So, my temptation to write on non-existence of "inner beauty" is more the temptation to provoke thinking, not to prove the point. There is no point really.

I love beauty, I am visual, very visual as you can see in my always heavily illustrated hubs... and I am quite aware that people

not - are beautiful, kind, courageous...,

but

can be beautiful or not, kind or not, courageous or not,

given different situations. We don't have anything FIXED in us.

Shaisty-Chase-Tea 5 years ago from The Outskirts

according to mah's law, if you give god the bottom three, he'll give you the top two, esteem is only faultered by disobedience and cognitive and aesthetics are recess... there are higher levels... as you obviously state, one is 'being a smart ass' and the other is 'please tell me i'm a smart ass...'

ripplemaker 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

What a thought provoking hub. It is a question I too answer when I am alone. :D

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Shaisty-Chase-Tea.

First of all, I am not religious. It sounds strange that there are "laws" in dealing with God(s). I was under the impression that it was pure faith. You were taught to believe or you chose to believe...

I would not beg anyone to call me "a smart ass" - I don't like the expression. But I think having earned Masters in Engineering from one of the most difficult and respectable universities in Russia - I may be quite content with my intellect.

It would not matter who calls me what.

Even with beauty - I am fine.

"Esteem is only faltered by disobedience and cognitive and aesthetics are recess"?

What did you want to say? I am lost in your throwing different parts of speech together...

cognitive what? disobedience?

aesthetics are recess?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Ripplemaker!

The answer is simple "Just say YES".

illdoctrine 5 years ago from wellington, CO

wow, this was very creative and almost made me cry :D

may i contridict the "just say yes"

thank the lord in prayer everyday for the body and beauty he has given you both inside and out, dont forget to glorify him and not urself, and then like u said bueaty becomes irrelivent after awhile.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, illdoctrine, for your comment.

gezondgewicht 5 years ago from Netherlands

Just say yes, and give a compliment to someone else every day!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Excellent reply!

Even though, I must confess, when I compliment women, they are rather apprehensive.

I think we are the society living in constant fear.

But a smile is always a good way to be and to feel beautiful.

WRITTENBYSHAWN 5 years ago from Port William, Ohio

Your article made me realize that I have never really given much thought to beauty. As I was reading, I kept thinking of my late Grandmother - her deeply lined face and hands, bright blue eyes,and kind smile. She always had a complement for everyone she met, making the other person aware of their own beauty. She is my idea of what beauty truly is.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, WRITTENBYSHAWN, yes, I agree, that people like your grandmother is one example of how beauty can be perceived. It is more obvious when a person is no longer young and there is no physical attractiveness to compensate for not so attractive personality.

But when we are old and grumpy and unattractive, the difference shows. I think I will be old and grumpy.

obaydul 5 years ago from Sylhet, Bangladesh

so cool...

dabneylewis 5 years ago from Boston

Hats off to you for framing your thought in such a lovely way… This is what we call “picture perfect”….

Being a girl I truly agree with you girls always look for power rather than the beauty though its’ matter but not much. I really like your “Do men consider themselves handsome or beautiful?” section… You’ve explained science of chemistry amazingly…

Will be waiting for your another excellent work :)

Kate 5 years ago

'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.'That's the proverb I truly belief in.For some you may be not be beautiful but for some you might be one of the best looking girl they have met so far.I never bother much about what others have to say about my looks because secretly inside me I always know I look OK ! 7 out of 10 types!! ;p I give myself a compliment daily :)You see positive self talk is very important , all should try it!

How Well Do You Know Yourself? - This test aims at discovering how well you know yourself.

Thank you for reading and leaving a comment. I don't think we (men and women) are that different. If men would be in the position where their looks would bring them more power, they would do the same what women do. There are plenty of examples. These priorities and politics are universal and frankly unisex.

Both sexes are aware of the importance of looks. I think the most important question is the question of balance. Looks are important, but it is not everything.

As for my other work - there is plenty written, only I don't write on one topic or niche - I write about what interests me at the moment.

Good luck with your writing,

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Kate, for your comment. Yes, the beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I won't argue with that.

But the situation can be quite the opposite of what everybody has in mind saying this cliche.

You may be beautiful, but if everybody around you tells you "you are not, you are ugly and stupid" - that is what your self-image would be.

Just think about school. Where do our insecurities stem from ?

Nothing is just as simple.

Edwinoel Tanglao 5 years ago from Los Angeles, California

I believe that each one of us is unique, Kallini, for in each one of us, God has given us gifts or talents that we may share with others. Appreciating beauty may be comparable to sharing our love for others as we appreciate their God given talents. And it is in thanking God in all circumstances and in the beauty around us that make everything good on earth relate to His goodness and love for us all. Thanking God for every day added as we appreciate beauty in all forms is being true to God's blessings. And if we exude the beauty within us while we make ourselves beautiful to everybody's eyes, the more beautiful we become, with true beauty that lasts, just like our spirit, which may live even after we come to pass in this life. I would not worry of what others may say of me more than how I may concern myself with my love for others as this brings me greater joy and fulfillment. Is there no truth in what Christ has said, that worrying will not add a single hour or day in ones life? And sharing the truth in God's words through Christ Jesus has always made me feel happy. Whenever we go astray, Christ Jesus, our good Shepherd is always around to take us back. The more I may worry of other's subjective perception of me, the more I am humbled in Christ's words of humility as he said, "Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth," as in Matthew 5:5. It is in accepting our faults and differences and our willingness to change and be renewed in Christ from within us, is what makes us whole, and that it is in humility that we find strength and honor. And as in Saint Paul, it is in one's weakness and in the words of God that one may boast, not on material things, for is it not in material things that we may see deception, more than what is true in sharing our love for others, which may make us happier as we deepen our focus on this truth?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Edwinoel Tanglao, for your comment.

Carolina QR Codes 5 years ago

I agreed with what you said and can relate. Thank you for the article. My favorite part of it was the stunning images! Just Beautiful!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Carolina. I love images, too. We are all sensitive to beauty.

The Journal 5 years ago

First of all, I love the pictures. If you pulled those out of a treasure chest, please tell me where you buried it because I would love to use some of those in my blogs.

I am one of those men that part of your blog hates on. I see a beautiful face, and suddenly I don't care that I'm driving my car on a sleet of ice in the dead of winter. It's my damn biological clock that makes a pretty face and bangin body so frickin important. Yet this also makes me shallow.

I am and have been dating the same girl for over four years. If I were to pass by her in the dead of winter, I would focus more on the road than her body. Yet over the time I've gotten to know her, I've seen how well she takes care of me, my dog, and what her personality is like. This inner beauty is what men outside of The Jersey Shore typically look for when we're going to settle down.

A quick checklist for women wanting to get in a man's pants -

a. Please have a hobby and be interesting. I don't want to watch 16 and pregnant with you when I come home after a long day at the office.

b. Have goals and ambitions. Know what you want from life and how you're going to get it.

c. Have dinner ready by the time I've changed out of my work clothes.

Just kidding about that last one! Seriously though, no woman should ever consider themselves un-beautiful. They should simply realize that different men have different needs, and that their perfect matches are out there somewhere.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, The Journal, for your comment. I take my pictures from a public source and in one of my articles I disclosed it, however, it was promptly suggested I should not do such things. I do agree. You can find it on the internet if you want.

As for the rest of your comment - beauty is a difficult subject. I want both. I am very sensitive to beauty - hence the images. It is my weakness. But another weakness - the intellect, I cannot do without it. Money - I have a lot of assets, but not money and wanting the man to provide for me - it is not even selfishness, but a necessity. I cannot survive on my own. But my case is NOT good for generalizations. I am one of a kind.

Now, I am not very optimistic. I enjoy looking at beautiful, handsome men, when I have an opportunity.

If they can make me laugh, all the better. If they can be great dancers - I am happy.

beckyland05 5 years ago from South Carolina

What a grest hub!! I enjoyed the pictures. I watch my grandchildren and think, Yes, they are beautiful!! My granddaughter will tell me she is beautiful (age 5). I don't want her to change that image of herself. I teach them that beauty is not only in the eye of the beholder, but is also skin deep. I don't want them judging people by their looks, but know the person. They are still young and learning, so one can always hope.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Beckyland005, for your comment. Beauty is a tricky business - to learn to appreciate things we must learn our lessons and usually we learn them the hard way.

naturalsolutions 5 years ago

A man is a garbage! it is probably a bitter word from a woman. I enjoy reading that part. If the only thing that a girl wants in a rich man is their money then why they don't try to work hard to get a lot of money?

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you for your comment, naturalsolutions. I don't know the answer. We all want something for nothing, but there is nothing free in this world, not even the cheese in a mouse trap. I was not providing answers - I wanted readers to think.

WendySingh 5 years ago from Mississauga, Ontario, Canada

There are many great hubs available but this one caught my eye and I'm glad I opened it and read it. I felt as if I was sitting across the coffee table with you while reading it. Your beauty and humour came out while ready it, as well as your depth (still waters run deep).

What has helped me accept myself and my beauty is that I know what makes me feel good...I am beautiful because I am confident in what I do and I love what I do. That shines through. And as I start to mentor other young women, that's a trait I am encouraging them to develop...confidence. I believe in them so much until they believe in themselves. Sometimes that's all it takes (someone to believe in you).

I'd like to share your post with those I mentor as I feel it can get them thinking and it would be a good bridge into what I am working with them on. Thank you for your transparency in this hub.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Wendy, for your comment. It was the most unexpected and the best comment so far. Not because others have not expressed their feelings on the subject, they have. But I would never expect that my article would really help someone to overcome certain barriers.

As for transparency, I am always transparent. I would say - I am simply honest. I don't believe that everyone is beautiful in the proper sense of the word, but everyone is not ugly either. Nature does not give us too many extremes - we are more or less average. But with this "average" we create another reality where "beauty" becomes an obsession. We are trying to be somebody else, to look how others told us would be the best, to fit into some "standards" and in the end we not only do not look beautiful, but also we feel miserable.

The conversational style of my writing? You are right, I would not put such word to it, but it has been noted many times, so I have to agree. I tell my story and I feel closer to the reader, because I don't feel above the reader - I am one of many. That is my style and I feel confident as you say. I feel confident about my writing, I feel confident about my honesty, integrity, being genuine, about what makes me - myself. It is not beauty - it is my character.

People forget to look for the exterior - when they see a personality. How deep my waters are - who knows? I am enjoying the process of discovery. Actually, that is the reason I called these series - "Creating a Vision".

I think the girls or young women that you mentor would benefit from writing their own "visions" - maybe not to be shared, but in a diary style - writing, no matter how painful it is, helps to formulate one's thoughts. I know it helped me a lot.

And dancing. It may seem unrelated - but it is my passion - I am not a professional, but I have wanted to do it for so long that when the opportunity finally presented itself - I could not resist. Maybe dancing helped setting me free as well. I started with Salsa and now I began Tango - my dream since childhood.

I wish I could learn Belly dance, too. I took a few lessons - but ... I admired your profile for what you do - I wish I knew how to monetize my passions.

Thank you very much for your comment.

It makes me want to continue writing on the subject. I was thinking about it, along another thought - stop writing and get a proper job.

Being at the crossroads of Here and Now as always. Somewhere and nowhere.

loanyi 5 years ago

This hub has such a great content of beauty. I think the beauty of a person is measure for what they achieve and not for what they look like. They are many good looking people, but their inside are ugly because their ego is bigger than them and they think they are better than the rest of the world and they are mistaken. Caring for others comes in the package of beauty. Though, I think beauty has different ways to show off, what's beautiful for you might be ugly for others and vise versa.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, loanyi, for your comment.

I agree with you - to define beauty is almost impossible and I was not even trying to it. Only after I have written this article and received such feedback and thought about it more and more, I realized what was my real question. I mean MY REAL question, not the question that everyone else see in my writing.

My question was: "Why am I so uncomfortable when people tell me "You are beautiful?"

I am not such a beautiful woman to receive such compliments, what bothers me is insincerity. Insincerity and attempts to manipulate others make me cringe inside.

But as far as beauty is concerned, I would have to agree with you as well.

There is COLD beauty - beauty of models, for example - they never show any soul behind their looks, they look like inanimate objects, almost like mannequins, like dolls.

Personality and kindness and intellect take time and effort to develop and a skill to show - and that is what makes people beautiful and welcome. Just looks are not enough.

sweetzara 5 years ago from Mumbai, India

Hi Kallini2010, there are so many comments here that have already expressed in one way or other everything that I want to say so all I can say is that this is one of the best hubs I've read on HubPages! Your writing inspires me to write better hubs :)

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sweetzara, for your comment. For a writer the most important thing and the hardest thing is to be himself/herself. The inspiration is all around you.

Good luck,

rsquez 5 years ago from Long Beach, CA

Great Hub and very insightful. Although, I didn't like the fact that your picture of Maslow's pyramid brought about flashbacks to my Intro to Business 101 class! Lol!

Good stuff though!

Kerry111 5 years ago

I really liked what you wrote. Thanks for the great article!!!

Dave

www.DaveCelestian.com

febilla 5 years ago from indonesia

hahahahahahahaha

deadlyking 5 years ago

nice and wonderfull hub....

haikutwinkle 5 years ago

Dear kallini2010

I enjoyed reading the string of thoughts expressed in this hub. "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are" (stated by a friend) and I realized how true that is! Beauty is as you see it and means different things to different people/culture.

An ordinary looking woman may be considered unattractive in one country but may find herself the most attractive woman in another country (where those features are considered attractive).

Beauty

through tender soft eyes

blessed joyful hearts

Beautiful white light

through plain prism

breaks into a rainbow

Simply rainbow

through plain prism

turns into a white light

__________________________________

Regarding being true to one's soul and heart, I find wisdom in the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life

and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next.

Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Regards, haikutwinkle

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Rsquez, Kerry111, febilla and deadlyking, thank you for reading and your comments.

I would not pretend that I got that "hahahaha" comment, but that is fine.

Haikutwinkle: thank you for reading and your comment.

Yes, it is true, "We don't see things as they are. We see things as we are".

There are two explanations for that, even though I would not be too sure that "an explanation" makes it so "plain and simple":

1) things ONLY EXIST in perception. Without "a mind" - an existing thing is as good as non-existing. Without a mind, reading eyes, this text does not exist. Without a mind that understands English, this text is just a picture without sense attached to it. To a blind person, this text does not exist unless being read aloud.

2) To see things as we are - it is called a mirror effect. Unfortunately, we don't see the world with fresh and open mind, what we see - our own reflections all the time.

Yesterday, it was funny - I was trying to film "a scene" a friend asked me - because of the reflection I only saw myself, I could not do much - I just could not see past my reflection - a great Camera-woman. But that is "it is what it is". I wonder what "horror movie" I have done - he would probably be upset.

Thank you, shagunsingh and Peaceful life, for reading, leaving comments and being beautiful!!!

SafetyEquipment 5 years ago from South Florida

The media in America (and perhaps other countries) is causing a serious issue among young women in regards to their self esteem.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, SafetyEquipment, for your comment. Yes, we can blame the media, but we might as well think for ourselves. It is much harder, especially when we are young. But I think peer pressure exists for every generation. It is hard to be different.

haikutwinkle 5 years ago

Thank you for your feedback, kallini2010.

I agree that an 'explanation' doesn't entirely make things 'plain and simple'.

(1) If things only exist in perception, I wonder what perception do little babies have? Their little minds are still in the process of development. Do their parents appear to them as 'non-existing'?

(2) To have fresh and open minds, one is perhaps 'reborn' again. I think the mind has the capacity to be 'reborn' again with newer and fresher perspectives. It is perhaps the traditional mindset that is an obstacle to change.

Inquisitively...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, haikutwinkle, for your comment.

I cannot say much because to explain my position and my understanding of the subject - it will require saying too much.

As far as babies are concerned - everything/everyone with a brain, animals included - have perception.

Even in the womb - I remember my son when I was pregnant - he would kick and made me so happy, I wanted my ex-husband feel it - I would invite him and Daniel (he even did not have a name then, I was not sure it was a boy even though they "showed" me the part) - Daniel would stop kicking.

Believe me, he still has the same character. Babies recognize voices of their parents even in the womb. Yes, our brains develop - but they change and keep changing the whole life. Plus learning and socialization.

But there is no way around perception. I used to think that my mother was the best (the most beautiful, kind, blah...), but being so INQUISITIVE and analytical even when I was a small child I kept asking myself:

"How come I am the luckiest child on earth? My mother being the best?"

Do you see?

lemon 5 years ago

no wonder, you are very helpful!

mojefballa 5 years ago from Nigeria

i believe God created everyone beautifully

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, lemon and mojefballa, for reading.

Facebook Apps Developer 5 years ago

I cannot understand why you people are so considerate about others viewpoint. Remember Life is short. Do not waste your life living other hopes and what others desires otherwise in the end you'll realize beauty didn't bring you boom but took away your life .

Your hub is so elaborate. To be completely honest, I was seeing it in the popular section for quite some time but didn't click on it till now. Quick question. Are all of those photographs originals taken by yourself? Nonetheless, it was a fantastic hub. One of the largest posts I have ever read. Very detailed and expressive. Thanks for sharing.

Kris.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, kripkrip420. All the photos are taken from the internet. I am not a photographer, even if I use my own, they will not be as good. Photos are perfect illustrations and it shows readers that I appreciate beauty.

Beauty of everything. It is not about "where did you take them from?" (it is open public source), but HOW and WHAT you select. It takes an eye... I am not saying that I am better than others, I am saying that "my selection is me".

What does my photograph tell you? I see myself as a writer - but the photo was taken when I was dancing - it is funny that I have the same pensive expression...

Yes, my articles are long - but it is my writing style, others write in their own unique ways. Sometimes it makes me wonder... why? What about?

Again, thank you for reading and you are welcome to check out my other articles if you are so inclined.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, dui, for your comment.

I don't think that articles should be judged by their lengths. The only criteria are "is it interesting?", "does it sustain the attention?"

I wrote it and I had fun and this article became "the best" of all my hubs.

Thank you, Brian. But I will tell you honestly - it is not the best or most beautiful of my articles. I continue improving as a writer. The only thing I have not mastered yet - "The Art of creating the Best Title." It is the title and the subject matter that is both beautiful and powerful here. The rest? My amazingly amazing writing style? is consistent for all my work.

mairemic 5 years ago from Philippines

I just wanna share something. Last night we went to Cats and Dogs video bar. We had fun singing, dancing and drinking rum. My friend took a picture of me while I was singing. I look at the cam to see my image. I was shocked. I just realized I'm getting uglier. My belly is very big. I look like a 6 months pregnant woman. All my worries came along.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, mairemic,

for your comment. I did not respond sooner because I had something completely different in mind. A much longer response. But then I thought...

You read my story. I am quite sure you are capable of writing something similar for yourself. You will find your beauty only when you start looking for it. I cannot tell you where it is and how to take care of it.

My only role here is to make you think. The rest is up to you. Thinking, writing, changing, doing...

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, sarasotadui.

Yes, our minds are our greatest enemies and our best friends. First comes the picture in the mind and then there is no need for any other picture.

We are beautiful if we want to be.

trimar7 5 years ago from New York

It was not until I found out what fulfilled me in life until I stopped being able to focus on what beauty meant. All my life being attractive on the outside was something that people commented on. Thus, I too held a bit too much value in it. I still enjoy looking my best but once I am up and dressed I rarely think about the physical body. I have a life to live each day and that is what I set out to do. Men and women alike - my advice is to discover your gifts, find a way to develop them, and live your life. None of us get to keep what is on the outside forever. We do get to keep what is on the inside forever. Let go, let God and live life.

lavender3957 5 years ago

Very nice hub. I agree with the comments, be yourself. I enjoyed the flow of the words into a world of being in it.

adrienne2 5 years ago from Atlanta

I enjoyed reading your article, and for me reading it was timely for me. I was drawn in by many points that you so wonderfully elaborated on. Particularly when you asked do we know what we want? It is a question I have asked myself of late. I am drawn to one man because he is handsome, and on the other hand I have a friend who is not handsome, but I began to really look at how wonderful, and beautiful he is which are only a few of the many wonderful qualities that he has. To sum it up I found myself asking do I really know what I want. Awesome hub, and thanks for sharing.

KoraleeP 5 years ago from Vernon British Columbia Canada

terrific hub! beauty is within everyone weither you have power or not. confidence is the main key to success!!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Trimar7, for reading and commenting on my article.

(I apologize for not responding sooner - I went to the Tango Congress in Toronto and by the end of it, I was simply dead. Happy, but dead. And not beautiful. I was too tired for beauty).

I agree with you - the beauty on the outside is impossible without the beauty on the inside.

There are extremes - people who are so shallow that they don't have a choice but to concentrate on the outside.

There are people who are very interesting and fulfilled but who forget to take care of themselves and it is very off-putting to me.

I like both - beauty is beauty. It has to be taken care of. Looking your worst is disrespectful to others.

Expecting everyone to be a stunning beauty is simply insane.

So, I would say - again and again - find the center, the balance and make beauty the part of your life like the air you breathe. Aim for the best of what you can do.

The rest? Judgment? Acceptance? Well, don't do it for others. Do it for yourself. I do.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, lavender3957.

Yes, be yourself. But it is one of the hardest things - to know yourself, to accept yourself for who you are. Yet... it is so worth it!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, adrienne2, for your comment.

I agree with you.

Just recently I was asked to introduce certain someone to my parents.

- Introduce me to your parents.

- Why? They won't like you.

- Why?

- Because you are Jewish.

[Total bollocks, it had nothing to do with being Jewish, Mexican or an Alien. I just said it to say something.]

- Of course, they will.

- What makes you so sure they will like you?

- Because I make their daughter happy.

If you can a better criteria for a decision,

please let me know.

Choose the one who makes you happy, not look good next to him.

Frankly,

you look you best only when

YOU ARE HAPPY.

And I wish you to be HAPPY AND BEAUTIFUL.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, KoraleeP Level.

Yes, I agree. Confidence is one part. But beauty can be found everywhere. In vulnerability as well.

The feelings we have for children, for weaknesses... because they feel more human, more genuine.

All we have to do - open our eyes and we will see

BEAUTY IS EVERYWHERE.

ecoggins 5 years ago from Corona, California

Yes!!!! I love this window into the soul. The raw openness confronted with a painful question. But yes...a thousand times yes! For it is true in my book God makes no junk. Modern man as depicted by Hollywood and Madison Avenue are like Rembrandts, they only see the outside and the only see beauty in one way. But God is like Picasso who sees beauty in an infinite amount of ways. My wife and daughter (I love them dearly) named a cat "ugly" because she is a mish-mash of coloring. But I, I cannot call anything that God has made ugly. Beauty is not only everywhere it can be found in everyone.

I know it sounds strange but when I was a child I had a reoccurring dream about a Godzilla type monster ravaging the city, but every time it got to me it stopped ravaging the city. I took from this that love can bring out the lovely in even the most unlovely people.

Great hub.

couponsexpert 5 years ago from Zahle, Lebanon

Even though beauty is a shell as you call it, everything in your life depends on your beauty, first of all your job, how men are attracted to you and how everything in life will become easier when you are a beautiful person. I am sorry to say that because I prefer inner beauty, but this is life.

Toyshika Epps 5 years ago

Thank you for posting/sharing this blog! Excellent!

SanXuary 5 years ago

Beauty, does not build relationships, live, is not their when your weak, matures and gets old, can be ugly when you our, is in the eyes of the be-holder subject to who you our as a person, even evil can be beautiful if you our evil to, and even still their our those who destroy anything that is beautiful because it is prone to envy and jealousy. Beauty, is an illusion that often can only exist with desire. The only true beauty that can exist is what is real to you.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, ecoggins, for your lovely comment.

Yes, your cat needs another name. A middle name, perhaps? I don't agree that God's creatures cannot be ugly, but I would not call them ugly. It goes straight to the brain (it was generated by the brain in the first place), but it reinforces the message.

There was an old joke - "If people call you a camel all the time, you'll become one."

So, yes, take Picasso's point of view as an axiom.

Thank you again for reading,

All the best. Beauty is everywhere when you are ready to open your eys.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Yes, couponsexpert, I agree with you.

Being beautiful versus not being beautiful makes a lot of difference. We don't make choices about what is given to us by Nature; however, there are choices that we can make. And self-development is certainly up to us. So, we can become more beautiful if we want to.

In one of my hubs I was telling the story how I've got the pest present ever:"On my recent birthday ( I was turning 53) my mother in law said that I am got much younger. The best part of it was that she was not telling it to me and it was not a compliment, mostly the fact.

It was best present ever. "

I created my own system of health, beauty, mind tips and so far it works for me good.

jdatwell 5 years ago

it seems that what you wrote is the truth and it is scarey how we can't see what we have already. Life is made for the living and it's about time we try to see it. The next generation is losing if we don't see it. It was beautiful and i thank you for writing it. hopefully it will bring to light alot of things.

Wow! FANTASTIC writing. I wanna be an amazing hubber just like you. :) Hehe. No, really. I have just read half of this to my husband as we discussed some of the points in the article. Very thought provoking. Voted UP!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Well, if you want to be an amazingly amazing writer - just be it! As soon as I get the time to write - I will be back to my fantastic writing. I hope it will be even more fantastic than this. I have grown, you know.

Good luck!

ChanellChilds 5 years ago

Thanks for this hub. Inner beauty is all that you need. When there is beauty inside it radiates and attracts the kind of love that you deserve.

htodd 5 years ago from United States

Thanks kallini ..Great post..Now I feel beautiful

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, ChanellChilds, for your comment.

I am not sure that inner beauty is all we need, but I will leave it up to everyone to figure it out on their own. I have moved on to a greener (the irony!) pasture - I am preoccupied with how to make money.

Idea #1: People are NOT convinced that inner beauty is all they NEED, therefore they spend money (the green stuff) on BEAUTIFICATION.

Cash the trend.

cannapro 5 years ago from London

Great article for anxiety suffers, everyone is beautiful in their own little way. You dont have to be good looking to be loved by anyone..

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Lyn-Ai05 & cannapro, for your comments.

However,

yes, you have to be good-looking. You have to do everything you can to look good with what you have been given. I became very tired with people who refuse to take care of themselves and prefer to look "whatever goes" way.

Why? Because they demonstrate their inner beauty? If you don't care how you look, it makes me question, is there any INNER beauty? People who do not take care, have very low self-esteem.

SELF-ESTEEM is a big part of INNER BEAUTY.

Lisa HW 5 years ago from Massachusetts

I think people shouldn't even think in terms of whether or not they're beautiful. First, there's the beauty/eye-of-the-beholder thing. No matter how many people may think one person or another is beautiful, there will always be some others who don't think she is. There's little point in worrying about who else perceives us as "beautiful" because someone always won't.

Inner beauty often really does show up in small ways and make anyone come across as more beautiful than, maybe, her features otherwise would. Also, it's a very rare person who is truly "ugly" on the outside. The difference between most extremely unattractive people and those who most others see as attractive is often a matter of how well anyone does (or doesn't) make the most of her (or his) own appearance. All anyone really ought to need is to mostly like the person she sees in the mirror. After all, beauty is never the measure of any person; so it really shouldn't be that much of a source of "who/what am I" type of question for anyone who knows how to make the most of whoever/whatever she is. Of course, one problem is that if our idea of "beautiful" isn't what we happen to have/be, even if someone else may think one is beautiful; it won't matter. Sometimes it can be a matter of a woman's not being her own idea of "what's beautiful" - not a matter of her not appearing beautiful to others (who have different ideas).

For the person who's made her way to somewhere near the top of that hierarchy of needs, there's generally not that nagging question of whether or need she's beautiful. The matters she should be address are somewhere in the hierarchy, I think, and where that is might really be the question she is asking.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

"I think people shouldn't even think in terms of whether or not they're beautiful."

I would stop at the line - "people should not..."

I have to admit that this line bothers me - "should not". I do not know what people should or should not think or do.

I would let people decide for themselves - how it does make them feel. Do they feel awe? or Do they feel lucky it is not their case, perhaps?

Little Light 5 years ago from Australia

I think so many women struggle to see the best in themselves and I strongly dislike the fact that the media dictates this level of perfection of beauty that somehow all women have to attain. I believe true beauty lies within. And one will love others better if they can first love themselves.

I loved your hub. It was very engaging and thought provoking. : )

sjain101 5 years ago from Delhi

Leaves a lot to ponder over after reading the hub. purely enthralling experience. good work!!

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@ Little Light:

Thank you for your comment. Yes, I agree, finding one's inner Beauty and Light is more important than trying to satisfy someone else's standards and assumptions about beauty. It is not that easy, though.

@sjain101:

Thank you for reading and leaving a comment.

howtohandbook 5 years ago from Riyadh

Very well written.

cocofireah 5 years ago from USA

Thank you, how well written

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, howtohandbook.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, cocofireah.

guyjackson 5 years ago

Hey buddy..

Its really a good post. Although the topic seems general but its not so much easy to give the answer of it. But you did a great job and the images makes this post more powerful.

kallini2010 5 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, guyjackson, for your comment.

xeroerror 5 years ago from Maldives

Men has the power but women has the beauty so both are attracted just like, like charges repel unlike charges attract as well as the newtons third law states that mutual forces of every actions reaction has equal and opposite forces between two bodies

cyoung35 4 years ago from Corona, CA

This is such a hard question to answer as beauty is different in many cultures. We tend to look at beauty as how others perceive and promote it. Here in America we tend to see young thin women with perfect skin on TV and magazines therefore this is what we consider beautiful. Even young teenagers are looking for more and more ways to look like these images and many are never happy no matter how pretty they look. Sometimes it takes a good person that loves them for who they are to help them feel confident with their appearance. unfortunately too many people are hung up on looks instead of compatibility and happiness. No wonder the divorce rate is so high in America.

bellepeau 4 years ago

Wow, This is like a whole book on how beauty should be rated. It was funny especially the part of the smart monkey making $10.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, bellepeau, for your comment.

Yes, the monkey, the business and dollars, we should be able to make money out of thin air...

On beauty, on insecurities, on stupidity...

Oh, wait, we already do.

icountthetimes 4 years ago

A great approach to this discussion. I think both men and women are frequenty plagued with insecurities, and it's often easier to believe a negative inner voice, rather than those around us telling us how special we are.

Of course the great irony of all of this is that our imperfections make us who we are. They are what makes us unique and beautiful, but all too often we strive to remove them. We seem to want to be other people rather than ourselves.

JosieLee 4 years ago from New Mexico

I know this is way off topic, but you blew me away. This hub you have created had such eloquence. The words had harmony. I could feel what you felt when you wrote this. It is hard to find a writer with talent such as yours. I am still trying hard to become a writer that can put words together like a melody. I have to give you kudos for such a great piece of art.

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Beautiful hub! Our culture is so fascinated with beauty - the perfect 10, when to each of us it looks different. I'm very tall and thin...I used to hear "you should be a model!" more times than I care to remember...but all I could think about was - is that what is important? How pretty I can be with makeup and designer clothes? What then? Dozens of surgeries when I get the crows feet? I never felt beautiful inside - and I never cared so much about that. Beauty is only skin deep and looks fade - I want to build something of my life that matters. Not just be ready for suicide when the camera isn't so generous:) very thought provoking hub!

MizBejabbers 4 years ago

You really gave food for thought. As a child I never thought about the physical beauty of my loved ones. My grandparents, worn out from a hard life on the farm, were the most loved people in my life. I thought only of their beauty inside. It was only when I was older and the boys were singling out the "beautiful" girls from the plain ones, did I give it any thought. More and more I came to realize society's preoccupation with physical beauty and how superficial it really is. We just have to realized that unless we were put here to be a model, society just has to accept us as we are, freckles, bald heads, big tummies and all.

carinsurance7 4 years ago

Great hub!

CloudExplorer 4 years ago from New York City

Simply amazing! I am blown away by your spacing here in this hub and its beauty of nicely well thought out expressiveness, and it makes me wanna re-do all of mine all over again. lol

Voted up on every level possible that's for sure. I enjoyed the play on the Beauty issue all the way towards the end, and I have always wondered myself why is it such a focus of our society, but the obvious answer is ideals which are supported by a feedback system, that deals with the monetary system making ends out of it all.

Meaning there's much money to make in the beauty industries thus the need to perpetuate the likes of it all amongst all walks of life. That's my take on the beauty queen thingy, that you most brilliantly expressed here in your hub @ Kallini2010. My vision though and comprehensive self made definition on the subject of beauty is this:

Beauty to me means, all those who show signs from the inside of themselves out, that they truly love themselves & others alike, without regard to any physical outward appearance, to me that's beautiful.

Thanks for sharing such an awesome hub with us, just by reading such a power writing piece such as this one, I now know that you are a Beautiful Woman indeed.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, icountthetimes, for your comment.

It is hard to do anything while we are unaware of what is happening to us. Others serve as mirrors for us... we get lost in multiple reflections.

But if you have the courage to look deep inside... you would realize that beauty is within and you cannot be anybody but you.

Beautiful or ugly... Just you.

There is a question "To be or not to be?"

But the next one is

"How to be?"

Do I want to be generous or cheap?

Do I want to be nice or mean?

Do I want to look good or it does not matter (TO ME)?

Do I want to be courageous or can I go being a coward?

And conform?

Do I want to conform?

I will tell you one thing.

I NO LONGER WANT TO CONFORM.

I am simply tired. I decided to be myself. The happy version of myself.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, JosieLee, for your kind words.

To be a writer is easy. Just be yourself.

If you want to be a writer you will do it, if not, then you will find something more fulfilling.

Writing is only a tool. Like language. I was not creating art, melodies...

I was simply thinking aloud.

Good luck with your writing. Write with your soul. The rest is only a skill.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, RealHousewife, for your comment.

We are fascinated with beauty for a reason. Beauty is fascinating. You don't have to be a model, you can be a role model and take advantage of this gift - your looks.

Your personality gives your features the light and as they say - the secret is all in the lighting.

Your life is yours - live it the way you want, the way you can. Beauty is a gift, but also a trial - it brings with it good and bad, it can make you weaker or stronger.

Everything is up to you.

I hope you will make the best of it. Good luck,

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, MizBejabbers, for your comment.

I cannot speak for how things should be.

Or rather I have already spoken.

I am in no way perfect - there are no pictures of me in this article, but later I opened up and began using my own.

Imperfections and all.

Your relationship with beauty...

maybe it deserves an article, too?

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, carinsurance7, for reading and leaving a comment.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Cloud Explorer, for reading and leaving a comment.

Surely, I am not that great a writer yet. It is the topic that everybody takes so close to heart... the rest of my articles are just as good.

Beauty is a sensitive issue. We are not comfortable with our looks, and they deteriorate with time. We need beauty industry, but a different one - the one that would make us feel good about ourselves.

I think.

Thank you again.

MartieCoetser 4 years ago from South Africa

One more comment in here and we can use this as a ladder for me to climb all the way up to you.

Svetlana, this is a brilliant hub about beauty and valuation of own beauty. I agree wholeheartedly with all your ‘thoughts’. I wanted to read all the comments, but it will take me the entire night.

Just the following -

True: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams is one of my favorites.

I can go on and share some personal experience with you, but it will be a too long comment. Maybe I should do it in a hub linked to this one.

Again: Absolutely brilliant!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Martie, darling, mi amor, tesora mia!

You are absolutely right! Please - I have been BEGGING for more than six months - comments are the best part

YES, PLEASE, instead of a long comment - SPREAD THE LIGHT

do your own article.

I cannot do the job - it is too time-consuming.

Even for me to handle comments ... all my comments... I left comments on 459 hubs (in only 12 months). These comments are / is a gold mine.

I said - all of them , some of them - can make a few books...

Anyway - back to laundry and the dishes...

The Sleeping Beauty is busy with housework and teaching Daniel important lessons. I am test driving my Own Private School "Turbulence S".

kelleyward 4 years ago

Profoundly moving and carefully deep hub on beauty. I loved the concept of beauty being a place in time where the face, the youth, the glow is reflected so long and then the sun moves on. Great hub!

MizBejabbers 4 years ago

Thank you, Kallini, you are so poetic. You describe beauty in such a lovely way that I cannot. I can only decribe what I observe.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, kelleyward, for your comment.

Yes, indeed, if every little "sun" (as in every reader) took the beauty of this hub further with them and created a reflection - it would be a lot of BEAUTY SUNSHINE on HubPages.

Maybe they (readers) have taken it further - but I got no further feedback. The Buck stopped here for me. Maybe the job should be mine?

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, MizBejabbers.

I think you can write precisely that. What you observe. You'll be surprised. Try it.

Sanxuary 4 years ago

There are so many other things that hold value far beyond beauty. Most important to me is salvation and spiritual maturity, the next World is more important then the test that I am being forced to take now. A healthy body and life style promises you more beauty later in your life and a higher quality of life. A beautiful mind that builds a sanctuary within ourselves and seeks to build it with someone else and creates one everywhere it goes holds the greatest promise. It does so because no matter how ugly our World is it has the power to endure and remain beautiful forever.

maxravi 4 years ago from India

What a beautiful composition.I learned a lot with this hub.voted up and keep writing.

Frierva 4 years ago

A wonderful and inspiring Hub Kallini2010. I was worried when I first joined Hubpages that articles like this would not be very popular. But I have some similar Hubs and I feel more confident about them after reading yours. Thank you so much for sharing your profound thoughts. Continue to write!

htodd 4 years ago from United States

yes ,why not you are beautiful :)

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sanxuary, for your comment.

"the next World is more important then the test that I am being forced to take now." -

you are being forced?

do you think life is a test?

Most people treat it like a game - winners, losers...

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, maxravi, for your comment.

If I keep writing, will you keep reading?

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Frierva,

what exactly do you mean by

articles like that?

Could you be more specific?

noturningback 4 years ago from Edgewater, MD. USA

I believe what I find most beautiful is how people are made, each of us unique. Like flowers, we all have our own colors, scents and other attributes.

Certain traits I find more beautiful than others. Compassion and those who possess this gift are to me of the most beautiful sort. Skin deep beauty only works on my sense of animal attraction (lust) not that this is bad on its own or perhaps I would not be here lol.

Thank you for your hub which I believe showers us all with the beauty of compassion. You are beautiful kallini.

Applause, applause, kallini2010! What an absolutely thought provoking and meaningful presentation reflecting the subject of "beautiful." With the constant changing of technology which in turn raises the effects and influence of the media, I have wondered for the past 20 years or so how young minds are influenced with "expectations" to meet the criteria of beauty. I always promote the personal belief that real beauty is based on characteristics, attributes, and behavior. Definitely will want to read your hub more than once. Thank you. Big thumbs up on your efforts with this subject.

Fenn 4 years ago

Congratulations on a wonderful and inspiring article! I think you do a great job of shedding a new light on the enigmatic topic of beauty. Also, I completely agree that the beast in all of us is our insecurities; they can inhibit us in so many ways. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, continue to write!

lilmissmontana 4 years ago from Montana

I am in love with this Hub. It is a ver uncomfortable topic. Mainly for women, but I believe that men have equally uncomfortable feeling when it comes to this subject, especially when it involves women. Women constatnly ask men if they look beautiful. Most men, regardless of thier actual opinion say yes. But from my understanding of men, which is to no great extent, men hate it when they are asked about a woman's beauty.

Men have such a differnt way of expressing what is "beautiful or sexy" in a woman. Women don't want to hear what lovely big breasts they have. We want to hear that our hair looks nice and our makeup is pretty and our clothes fit nicely.

I think this Hub is perfect for both gender's and a good way to become comfortable expressing and conversing about beauty. I am so thankful that I stumbled apon this. Thank you for writing and sharing somthing so deep and meaningful!

NiaLee 4 years ago from BIG APPLE

Tita sings it all, beautiful we are, we must feel it and be it...others opinion is just their opinion.

very interesting article, I will have to check some of your others. Remeber beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Camo Girl!!! 4 years ago

I Always Ask Myslef If I Am BEAUTIFUL But All Of My Family And Friends Say That I am But I Always Say You Have To Say That Because You Are My Mom Or My Dad And I Am 17 A I Guess I Am BEAUTIFUL I Always Get The Guys But I Know Looks Are Not All That!!!

MissFunkadelic 4 years ago from Ireland

This is a great hub! Very insitfull and true the way you write is beautiful keep up the good work!

heart4theword 4 years ago from hub

Creative Hub:) I know for me, I feel not so beautiful...judging from the perspective of my husbands view. Wrong I guess, in comparing myself to when we first were married. Knowing the media focus is on beauty and age contributes to the worlds view...that lessens the beauty of old people. Have to say my Grandparents were just so beautiful of heart:) What they felt in the inside, reflected on the outside...giving their face a glow:) They attributed their joy, to knowing Jesus and God the Father who created them:)

Camo Girl!! 4 years ago

Thank you MissFunkadelic!!!

iammisspedia 4 years ago from Philippines

At 22, I seemed to dwell too much on the same inquiry.. "am I beautiful?". Wanting to peel off my insecure skin, but still stuck in the image of myself in the mirror.

This is such an enlightening hub, truly got me thinking..

Thanks! :)

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

My, my, my... my dear htodd...

Yes, why not... I AM BEAUTIFUL. Why not?

I am also VERY SMART AND ATTENTIVE.

I paid attention to you, every time you leave me a comment, you have no idea what the article is all about.

How do I know it?

The time interval between your comments is ONE bloody minute. There is no way you can read my 42-kilometer articles in one minute.

Another give away - you left me a comment on this article - a few weeks prior - the same master status

I do believe in that we can become MORE beautiful in different ways - physically, mentally, psychologically and spiritually...

The true flower is a SOUL, maybe that is what called Inner Beauty, but it is hard to see...

I am beginning to think that I should continue writing about beauty.

The very least I could do - I can collect all the comments and see now for the 1st time -

this ocean of feedback, this enormous ocean of responses.

It makes me think...

Thank you again for thought-provoking comment.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, ytsenoh, for your comment. I am so sorry, it takes me forever to get through all my comments, but this

BEAUTIFUL article became a...

it got me thinking again and again and again...

yes, we are OVERPOWERED by the idea of beauty that is so superficial -

I turned on TV yesterday and I saw a fragment of "Bachelor"

and all I was - appalled by these women looking almost the same running and competing over one guy on a show...

I felt "This is a nightmare - this is so ugly."

Yes, they are beautiful on the outside but they seem so empty on the inside. If I was a bachelor - I would never choose any of them.

My idea of punishment:

send them all to a writing camp with no mirrors.

I guess - there is some cruel streak in me - let them figure out who they are and what they want without constantly admiring themselves...

Maybe I am simply thinking aloud...

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Fenn, for your comment.

We do have insecurities, that is true. Getting over them is a challenge, but maybe it will teach each of us to accept others and ourselves.

Everything is here for a reason. At least that is my understanding.

I am so glad I began writing - reading is not enough - writing was responsible for my transformation. There is no comparison to what I was and where I was a year ago.

If you have an insecurity - face it.

"Am I beautiful?"

No, and that only means

Time to make a change.

NOW.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, lilmissmontana, for your comment.

You have a very good point - I hated when I was asked: "Am I attractive? Am I handsome?"

I just could not say "YES", I gave an long explanation and I said "If you ask a question like that, expect and be ready for an honest opinion. Or don't ask."

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you,

NiaLee

Travisbeach

Terrektwo

and

Kaiharriss

for your comments.

I appreciate that you read my article.

Thank you.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Camo Girl!!! ---

If you feel beautiful, you are.

I could not figure out why you write this way, though - why do you capitalize every word?

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, MissFunkadelic, for reading and leaving a comment.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, heart4theword, for your comment.

I so agree with your words that what is inside make us glow on the outside:

"Grandparents were just so beautiful of heart:) What they felt in the inside, reflected on the outside...giving their face a glow:)"

One reader asked me and I felt it was condescending (maybe it was not):

"So, have you decided? Are you beautiful?"

Yes, I have decided. I am not. I don't feel beauty on the inside and that is the reason why I look so unhappy on my pictures.

Maybe one day...

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, inf.

===============

Thank you, iammisspedia:

the best thing is to be aware, to write and to think. Eventually, you will be happy with yourself - you have nobody else - so take good care of your body and soul.

I am sure you are beautiful.

Thank you for reading.

Camo Girl!! 4 years ago

I dont know i just did it!!

carolinemd21 4 years ago from Close to Heaven

This is a wonderful hub. I really love and admire the way you write. I will be going through some more hubs of yours. I personally hate the stigmatism of beauty. When you are young you have to constantly work on it. I was scared that I would lose the men I loved in relationships once I started to age and lose my beauty. It was horrible. I think that beauty is too focused on in society. Too bad we can't all just be as beautiful as we are on the inside and never age. Voted up. Love the pictures.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, carolinemd21, for your comment.

Beauty is a tough subject - for women, beauty (sex) is a leverage to get what they want. What do they want? Money and Power, Security.

Maybe for men, too, - there are plenty of men who sell "their youth and beauty" - being models and more.

I do not want to be or sound judgmental.

Yes, I would prefer all of us to be Beautiful - Inside & Outside, but

we are not,

yet, it is a constant struggle and it is constant work. And I cannot say for myself that I always win.

Maybe I am not trying hard enough.

As one of my "advisors/mentors" put it - I am conflicted on too many issues.

Well, conflicted or not, I am writing to find the Balance and I am writing to find the Answers.

Jan. 18, 2012,

12:02 pm

Toronto, Ontario, Canada

jainismus 4 years ago from Pune, India

@kallini2010,

You have written a very thoughtful and MUST READ Hub. Thank you.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, jainismus, for your comment.

savvydating 4 years ago

Power and Beauty. Consider hunters and gatherers, masculine and feminine. It is a way to promote the species. Once we develop a strong self worth, we create power and beauty inside - the kind that lasts as we age.

What an insightful and inspiring article. Thank you for sharing! Gave me some things to think about.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Shell-Belle, for your comment.

kittyjj 4 years ago from San Jose, California

Very interesting hub! I don't care much about what people say about my look. But I do pay attention to what people have to say what kind of a person I am.

mikeydcarroll67 4 years ago

Great hub! Very very informative!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, kittyjj and mikeydcarroll67, for reading and your comments.

natori1 4 years ago from Michigan

“The outward beauty is nothing but a shell, beautiful, but a shell, yes, it has to be taken care of, it has to be polished, but it is only a shell.” I felt like this when I cut all my hair off. It doesn’t matter what’s on the outside-it’s the inside. I love reading and coming across this hub didn’t prove short. I’m actually going too re-read again :)

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, natori1. Beauty seems to be a universal concern, that it why this article got so much attention. I have written many more, but none of them equals this "beauty" in popularity.

Thank you for your comment and I am glad you liked my work.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you you, inf, for your comment.

Tara_in_NE 4 years ago

Took out an old scrapbook out of my attic last week. Looked at one picture in particular: a young woman about twenty or so at a barbecue. It was me, and it was taken by my Dad. I see a pretty, petite girl with waist length light auburn hair and a few freckles on her face.

Twenty or so years ago, I would have scoffed at such a sympathetic narration of my looks. Nah, too fat (even though I wasn't even a hundred pounds). Too ugly (NOT an Anna Paquin or Aishwarya Rai look-alike). Breasts aren't big enough. Height not that of Gisele's (you know, the model wife of a famous NFL Quarterback).

Ah, yeah. The days of designer jeans. Purging your food to keep your weight down. The Chanel makeup. The ruler straight hair. The Prada heels. The diet pills. All in the name of conforming.

It was my stepmother, oddly enough, who brought me to my senses. I remember she told me once, right before I graduated college, "mark my words, Tara. In the future, beauty alone will no longer cut it. You will have to have more than that to offer." By that she meant to a man. To an employer. To my family. To my friends. TO THE WORLD.

Took me awhile, but I finally realized, she was right.

Today, in my mid forties, the outer me and the inner me are on the best of terms. I see that old picture and smile now. And when I look in the mirror today I see a pretty passable duck, even if it's not a clone of Angelina Jolie. (Ok, so I cheated Father Time a little bit, thanks to Botox and Juvederm).

I'm okay with who I am because they'll always be better and they'll always be worse.

Great hub. Thanks for posting it.

T.J.H.

Mary Stuart 4 years ago from Washington

Very, very interesting Hub. I agree, security is my higher need. I try to be self-sufficient but sometimes my need for security pushes me toward a relationship. It would be nice to find both the security and the man in one positive package.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Tara_in_NE, for such an interesting comment.

Beauty is beautiful, amazing, tantalizing and desirable, yet while we pursue it we often forget what it is that we are after.

There is no definition of beauty, sometimes we are chasing an ideal that is changing as we go. We are changing as we go as well, others do, too.

It is by achieving our elusive goals or by not achieving them, we realize that those goals never even had a potential (not even remotely) to make us happy.

Those who are born beautiful often end up being rather unhappy because they take their looks for granted.

I would say it is a trend, not necessarily a rule.

When I wrote the article, I was simply interested in looking in my "own" mirror, I did not expect to hit a nerve. But I did. This is the only article that got such reaction.

Beauty alone is not enough,

but we still very much want it.

At any age.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Mary Stuart, for your comment. I think the security or lack thereof is the challenge most people in our society have to face. I don't think there are easy answers. At least I am not aware of them.

We can hope and grow. I wish you the best. Thank you again for reading my article.

Nordy 4 years ago from Canada

I absolutely adore this hub! You are a BEAUTIFUL writer, and I love your originality. I am so looking forward to reading more from you.

Mala Srivastava 4 years ago from India

very beautiful hub. Voted up.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Nordy. I am so amazingly amazing that I at a loss what to do with all my originality.

So far, my friends encourage me to write, so time permitting, I will be ...

You are welcome to read anything. I love those pieces when my dancing meets my writing or articles that really do not make too much sense. As you said - anything normal is way to boring.

This was so inpirational. I went from believing I was ugly as a child and hoping that when I grew up it would get better, to suddenly believing that I myself was beautiful. Then I became very conceited, and then I started to actually hate myself. I couldn't stand the sight of me. I realize now that while my looks aren't ugly, they are beautiful to the people that matter. And if they aren't beautiful to me, how can I expect anyone else to think they are? I know now that beauty comes at a price, and not everyone is willing to pay it. You're hub is amazing. Really awe-inspiring. I hope that you never give up writing like this, because you really are changing peoples' lives for the better. I hope that you realize this. I know that I am really young (14) but I understand a lot for my age. Don't brush these compliments off because I'm young. They matter...and so do you. Believe you're beautiful, even if you don't right now. Make it a point to tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful and point out the good things about yourself. The rest doesn't matter. Our time on Earth is limited, make it the best that you can while you're here.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Dear Aspiring:

Thank you for your comment, I can hardly do it justice. I am not sure I change peoples' lives - I can barely change mine.

The way I feel is always different, sometimes I feel that looks are not all that important, then I look in a mirror and realize, they are.

So, this battle never ended for me, but I am happy to hear that we all go through the same in life and sharing might be one way of lightening our burdens.

At the moment I do not feel beautiful at all.

But other things are pressing so beauty can and will wait.

But your response is beautiful, deep, please keep going with the same spirit.

Aspiring 4 years ago

Thank you. That's all I needed to hear. Holding back because of doubts. That's done. I am who I am. I wish I could give others this attitude. It looks like you're doing a pretty good job. Even if you're not so sure of it yourself, you're inspiring others sometimes without even meaning to. Keep going. Fly. You CAN do it. People believe in you.

birdslover 4 years ago from New Delhi, India

Women not just attracted to power, many times I have seen beauty goes to a guy having good sense of humor and he is a fun to be with.

Sonya L Morley 4 years ago from Edinburgh

I agree that everyone "is a light unto himself". We are all moths to the flame of each other's light, to the ones who shine. Some days it is easy to crank up the dimmer switch, other days not so much. What a great, thought-provoking article, I like your style.

landscapeartist 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I agree that beauty is only skin deep. Real beauty is on the inside. It's how you truly feel about yourself and mixed in with how you see others. It's how you treat people.

I have endlessly stood in front of a mirror and asked myself the same question

Am I beautiful?

How can we truly define beauty?

It is innocence, purity of heart and soul. We all have that inside of us. We only need to find it and set it free.

ChrisWritesHubs 4 years ago

Yes!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Aspiring. Your words are very encouraging. We are all just human, make mistakes, go as far as we can or as far as we want. Sometimes, beauty is not the biggest problem.

Thank you again. I wish you luck in writing and in life.

transcriptioncity 4 years ago from London

Good hub, must have taken you a while to write!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Yes, birdslover, I agree there are more factors at play than just beauty and power.

I am attracted to someone with a sense of humour.

I find that trait irresistible.

I have met a person who made me laugh and I had the best possible first date spanning almost half a day...

but in the end

he was neither beautiful (so, not ...., that it was a turn off for me, something I could not overlook) nor powerful...

the package was not there. And in the end, it was not funny at all. But it is just me, what do I know?

Finding the Love of your Life is not simple or maybe I just don't know the secret.

And the joke is all on me.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Sonya L Morley, for your comment.

Maybe that was the only goal - I don't really remember much - I did not plan to provoke thoughts, and to me it was a way of partying with most of them.

That is the effect my own writing has on me - once written, then forgotten.

I don't think much about "Am I Beautiful?" anymore, but I am still uncomfortable with compliments.

Maybe I should write on the subject now, a year later since the article was published.

But then... I have to think about it. Maybe I will.

Thank you again for reading.

And, yes, be the light unto yourself.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, landscapeartist, for your comment.

I liked your words:

"It is innocence, purity of heart and soul. We all have that inside of us. We only need to find it and set it free."

I agree wholeheartedly.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@ChrisWritesHubs:

Thank you.

@transcriptioncity:

No, it did not take me that long. I spend more time on my other articles.

Thank you for reading.

torourke 4 years ago from Arlington, VA

Yahoo has a trending story about this right now, parents need to be ultra aware of their kids or teens with low self asteem. Everyone is beautiful in their own way, dont count on shallow people, or those who hide behind a screen name to put down others!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, torourke, for your comment.

AnnaCia 4 years ago

A very powerful article. With your magnificent way of writing you are able to take your readers to a huge range of feelings and thoughts about women and "beauty" and the way the definitions is twisted through the media, culture, views, opinions. But where am I standing as a beautiful human being or a woman is my own creation. Thanks

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

An excellent article on an age old question. I am as a much older man these days, able to see, to witness beauty in my old conventional sense, but also to see beauty in thoughts, in actions, in smiles, in poems. There seems to be so much more beauty now...

zzron 4 years ago from Houston, TX.

Yes you are very beautiful. Not all men are garbage, you haven't met me yet! Great topic.

Pams Portal 4 years ago

A very refreshing, insightful and creative vision into "life". You have a gift of weaving words into a fabric which drapes over one's soul, caressing those tender and private moments. At the same time, you cleverly dress up and embellish those emotions and thoughts -- the ones we do not wish to openly display -- and unabashedly reveal them for all to gaze upon with approval. Very inspiring and skillful indeed!

picadilly 4 years ago from Schaumburg, IL

Your thoughts are profound to begin with, the manner in which they blossom and unveil themselves is magical....your words dance with the energy of the Universe. Brilliant!

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, AnnaCia, for your comment. I think half of the credit for this piece should go to the readers, to their imagination - what they see in my writing.

Sometimes even I get surprised. Honestly, more often than not comments surprise me.

Did I write that?

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

@xstatic:

Thank you for your comment. I agree, the ability to see and appreciate beauty comes with age. I am somewhere in the middle, so shall I expect the world to become more and more beautiful with each passing day, week, year? While I will be becoming less and less... Just a thought.

@zzron:

Funny, I totally forgot about "all men are garbage". Great statement, a good ice-breaker ... but once written, then forgotten. I am not an author of such a sweeping generalization and I have never believed it.

Yes, I have not met you. I have met only so many or rather so few men. I cannot go through all of them. Maybe it should be the topic for yet another article. I guess half of the population would jump out of their pants!!! and with all the zeal they are capable of, they (both men and women) will try to prove me wrong.

The statement is only a provocation...

Thank you for reading my article.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Pams Portal & picadilly,

Thank you both for such great evaluation of my work.

I am really touched and flattered.

I hope you will continue having a refreshing and fulfilling journey on HP both as readers and as writers.

Good luck,

louromano 4 years ago

Great hub ! I like your wrote.

Gregorious 4 years ago

"Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?" The answer is evolution.

Men and women have different reproductive strategies (all this is happening on a subconscious level).

Women invest much more in reproduction than men. When they are pregnant and taking care of children, they require a stable environment. They look for a man who can provide that.

Men like young women, because they are attracted to fertile women. The physical beauty in a woman is a sum of properties that characterize fertility (smooth skin, breasts, fertile hips, etc.). When women beautify themselves they try to emphasize these properties (make up, high heels, cleavage).

Here is an evolutionary fact: Men are pigs and women are gold diggers. It may seem a little harsh and stereotypical, but whether we like it or not that's the underlying reality.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Gregorious, for your comment. I agree with your thoughts, but I think the laws of attraction became more complicated with time.

Power is an equal aphrodisiac for both men and women. Not all men have power or enough power to attract "the prettiest and most fertile" female. Maybe even fertility is a double-edged sword - the fewer children you have the wealthier you are.

But the question "Am I Beautiful?" is eternal - we all want to look beautiful, to be liked, to be loved, to be attractive, don't we?

Brittany 4 years ago

Yes We all do want to be called Beautiful and i am 16 and some days i feel so luckly for how i look and who i am and other days i dont feel Beautiful and all of my friends and family say i am but i always tell them that they have to say that because they are my family or my friends and i guess it dont matter who thinks or says your Beautiful long as God and you know you are Beautiful is all that matters.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Yes, Brittany, I agree. Sometimes we feel better and more beautiful, sometimes we feel shitty and less beautiful, even though our friends and family have a rather fixed image of us and they accept and love us for who we are.

Sometimes we are our own harshest critics. Beauty is not a simple subject, some people are blessed with good looks, some people are not, some people work hard to look beautiful and attractive, some people let themselves go. We cannot be attractive to everyone, but in the end, it is the balance that we achieve

between our looks, self-confidence and and self-acceptance.

Liking and loving yourself, being yourself is a must, but it is hard. You have to work at it.

Then beauty becomes a matter of

Shall I dress up more or less?

Shall I use more or less make-up and what for?

Shall I exercise and be fit and feel and be healthy; therefore, more beautiful?

angied83 4 years ago

Women are attracted to power, men to beauty. Why?

-- Women like to feel secure. Powerful men allows them to feel secure.

-- Men like to collect 'trophies'. Beautiful women are trophies they can show off to their friends.

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, angied83, for your comment. I am not a big fan of oversimplification which you would have noticed had you read the article. It's no big deal who is attracted to what and why.

I have stated my opinion on attraction to beauty and power in the first few paragraphs:

========

Both sexes are equally attracted to power and beauty. Only our attraction to power is much stronger than our attraction to beauty. Or rather our need for security and safety is more fundamental than our need for aesthetics. Beauty is a luxury, an expensive courtesan.

Given a choice we always go for the combination of power and beauty. However, choices are limited, and the law of survival dictates to go for security first. Once all our needs are met we can satisfy our aesthetic needs. Rich men can “afford” having young “beautiful” (arguably) women. Rich women can afford having “young handsome studs”. Or is it the intelligence of young men that pulls women in? Could be, could be. Life is a comedy. Or a farce?

========

Life is a farce when readers don't read, writers don't think and people are indifferent to most important things in life. But I, in my present mood, look at it philosophically.

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

How do I manipulate my light?

Through the years, I have found that a smile is cheaper than make-up

and seems to have the same effect.

I tend to smile when I really mean it,

although sometimes I do it to get through a shaky situation. I have had

years when I could not laugh, smile or even pretend to fake...and no

matter what anyone said, I felt ugly, unhappy and depressed.

So today I have more of a need to embrace my laughter and joy in silly

things. And, funny, no matter what anyone says, good or bad, I feel

beautiful.

I have manipulated my light and more importantly my outlook/

perspective. It works and feels right for me.

I think The Velveteen Rabbit was perfect to include in this thought-

provoking and well penned essay. Voted UP and all...

Hugs, Teresa

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Thank you, Teresa:

I agree, it is not how you look, it is how you feel.

I smile often and I think I always mean it, that is why people know that I am genuine.

Right now, I don't feel so great about myself, so it shows.

Even now that I am writing this comment, I don't smile, so maybe, I'd better stop.

There is a simple truth - I get energy from other people - so I feel better when I am with people, especially with people that I like. So, internet is not a substitution for me - I love face to face. Not even a telephone...

I'd better find a way to get my mood into a better ... (thinking...no, still a blank...)

I am sorry, I make no sense. I don't know where my BEAUTIFUL mind is.

Hugs,

Svetlana

marcoujor 4 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

Svetlana,

Sometimes I get more joy than possible from strangers, patients, students...just to connect and make a difference.

It is absolutely different from the joy I feel interacting with people virtually... Although I see about the same depth as above for the most part.

Then there is the expression..."take my family ...puleeze."

I am most happy with myself and my dog...there is a true "I" amidst my "E".

I understand you as much as I need to. You make sense to me.

Love, Teresa

kallini2010 4 years ago from Toronto, Canada Author

Dear Teresa:

What did you mean by "there is a true "I" amidst my "E"?

I am not quite sure myself that I expressed myself clearly yesterday. What I meant was when my energy gets low, seeing people face to face is always helpful. Well, most of the time. I recharge my batteries on human contact.

It's like - you can do so many things online, but you are not eating online, the food still has to get into the mouth somehow... and energy is the same.

There is no lack of depth in the online relationships - even though they come with a lot of time spent typing... but certain things are lacking...

And I was just "dying" yesterday - my "battery" was so low.... I ended up taking a pill and going to bed to have ten hour sleep.

That is my reality - the pill is good for mood stabilization, it knocks me out for a good sleep and it takes ten hours to wear off. So, I reserved it for this week-end, so I can get to do things that are have to be done.

I did not mean (I did not want to say) that I do not value my online relationships - I do value ALL relationships - after all, my TRUE drive is AFFILIATION, not ACHIEVEMENT. I am a relationship person.

So, next time, if I don't make perfect sense, you will know, either I am simply tired, low on battery, drowned in words... or something...

Que dolor!

Que dolor! Now you know, that Dolores means a lot to me. Always one pain or another...