A Forum for Orthodox Jewish thought on Halacha, Hashkafa, and the social issues of our time.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Agudah and the OTD Phenomenon

Guest Submission

Image taken from Unpious

I received a communication from a highly respected and well
credentialed mental health professional. He is not only well respected
professionally, but as a Charedi Jew he is well respected religiously by that
community as well.

It is with these impressive credentials in mind that I feel
his words have added meaning. He speaks from experience about a subject
discussed here many times - most recently in a guest submission from a ‘card
carrying’ member of Agudah who reported his impression of their recent
convention weekend. One of the primary topics of that weekend was about the OTD
(Off the Derech) phenomenon. (I hate that phrase but it has become the common identifier
of those who were raised to be observant and have chosen to abandon it.)

His observations on this subject should be taken very seriously
by all segments of Orthodoxy. These are observations much of which are based on his practice in which
many of his clients (they are not really patients) are young people that have
gone OTD and/or their parents. In fact Agudah has consulted him on this issue
many times. For reasons which will become obvious in his message - he has asked
to remain anonymous. I have agreed. My hope is that the Agudah leadership –
both lay and rabbinic will somehow read these words and absorb its message. His
words follow unedited in their entirety.

I have not viewed any of the videos from the convention, nor
have I read detailed transcripts of what the speakers said. But I perused
the comments on the report in an earlier post. Some reactions.

Firstly, some of the commenters would gripe about anything
said at the convention, except perhaps Shema Yisroel at davening.

Secondly, I would join many in expecting the speakers to have presented “party
line”, where they bash parents and defend chinuch. It seems this did not
happen.

Thirdly, it was pleasing to see that they did not make fools of
themselves to blame it on the internet (one version of chareidi OCD), which
would explain none of the OTD cases that predate the web. For those who
know the OTD scene, the internet follows the move to leave the derech. It
doesn’t cause it or even play a role in the initial steps.

The topic is well chewed already, and the brief breath of
fresh air by several speakers finally saying the obvious is welcomed. I
am put off by the nonsensical comments that refer to keeping kids in the fold
by “singing extra zmiros on Shabbos”. That is, defensively, an effort to
make Torah and Mitzvos enjoyable.

The kid that finds davening a pleasant
experience, whether the singing, or better yet, the emotional transcendence of
connecting to HKB”H, will come on time and not miss. All the discipline
(punishment) in the world cannot accomplish what a little Ahavas Hashem
can. Meanwhile, our average yeshiva talmid is told that the failure to
excel or to conform means he is an “oisvorf”.

Pray, tell me, where is the
Ahavas Yisroel here, and in what way are we fulfilling the mitzvah of ואהבת את ה' אלקיך – שיהא שם שמים מתאהב על ידך (יומא פ"ו ע"א)? The mitzvah of Ahavas Hashem is fulfilled by causing
others to take pride in HKB”H and his mitzvos.

Kids go OTD for varying reasons. Mostly they are
emotional, but a few are intellectual. All cases of OTD are kids
escaping. Why are they running from Yiddishkeit? Because it is
somehow painful for them. Exactly what and how is unique to each.

Another common theme, which is actually universal, is rejection.
This rejection can come in the form of abuse (whichever kind is politically
acceptable to discuss), or the undeserved punishment, the suspensions and
expulsions, the public shaming, the labeling a talmid as a failure, etc.
Ask anyone who has been involved with the kids and/or parents. The
rejection factor is universal.

The community prefers to avoid this issue, as no one will
admit to the mistakes of rejecting, nor does anyone feel safe recognizing the
massive amounts of rejection that characterize the current chinuch
system. That is horrifically unpopular.

The subject of yeshiva expulsions has been discussed in some
of the frum media, and it was addressed at Torah Umesorah. All the
Gedolei Yisroel at Torah Umesorah were in agreement that the current state of
affairs is not good. There is better understanding of the subject now
than there ever was, but the fears about tampering with the status quo of
chinuch are intense. Overcoming them will be a challenge, at the very
least.

It is easier, in the short run, to exact punishment and
compel every talmid to comply with rules and conform. But this will
rarely, if ever, produce a talmid who loves Yiddishkeit, Torah and Mitzvos, and
conducts his life with Ahavas Hashem.

Many of today’s Gedolim speak to the public about the
critical role of Emunoh. But there is precious little in the curriculum
of the yeshiva that helps talmidim develop and refine emunoh. The
speakers at the convention highlighted that, from the panelists on the OTD
forum, the Sadigurer Rebbe shlit”a, and others.

Mechanchim are notorious for refusing to respond to
questions on the subject, and are more apt to label the questioner an apikores
and slate them for expulsion. This rash statement is not outdated, nor is
it exaggeration. Everyone has questions, and we should engage in the
process of inquiry until we reach a satisfactory answer.

I have no answer for the community at large. I do,
however, lend my voice to those who seek to instill Ahavas Hashem in children
from birth and onward. If we are told לפתח
חטאת רובץ, we should at least
try to counter with the soul gratifying connection to HKB”H.

Follow by Email

Followers

Recent Comments

About Me

My outlook on Judaism is based mostly on the teachings of my primary Rebbe, Rabbi Aaron Soloveichik from whom I received my rabbinic ordination. It is also based on a search for spiritual truth. Among the various sources that put me on the right path, two great philosophic works stand out: “Halakhic Man” and “Lonely Man of Faith” authored by the pre-eminent Jewish philosopher and theologian, Rabbi, Dr. Joseph B. Soloveitchik. Of great significance is Rabbi, Dr. Norman Lamm's conceptualization and models of Torah U’Mada and Dr. Eliezer Berkovits who introduced me to the world of philosophic thought. Among my early influences were two pioneers of American Elementary Torah Chinuch, Rabbis Shmuel Kaufman and Yaakov Levi. The Yeshivos I attended were Yeshivas Telshe for early high school and more significantly, the Hebrew Theological College where for a period of ten years, my Rebbeim included such great Rabbinic figures as Rabbis Mordechai Rogov, Shmaryahu Meltzer, Yaakov Perlow, Herzl Kaplan, and Selig Starr. I also attended Roosevelt University where I received my Bachelor's Degree - majoring in Psychology.