TUNES

I’m afraid I don’t have anything for you this month but a whole lot of BEYONCE!!! Ugh, you’re probably saying in your head. Well, you’re going to read this and like it, suckers! First up, the song that made everyone go, oh sh*t, Jay-Z is dead meat – Hold Up. And also the song that I referred to as Surfboard before this month, Drunk in Love. You can’t forget the godly feminist anthem Flawless too! (There’s another version with NICKI MINAJ which makes me want to puke happiness.) Of course, I can’t forget about my OG Beyonce love. Count-f!cking-down. You’re welcome.

UP

LOL you really thought I would have something goin’ on? It’s August, girls. All I’ve been doing this month is nurturing my building anxiety about HIGH SCHOOL. *screams into the void* Also, if you’re curious, I made up with my friends…Yeah.

POOPY

Is there even a single doubt about what I’m going to put here? SCHOOL. Can’t yell it louder. Also, my blog looking like a moving train wreck. Also, the fact that my friends refuse to respond to my texts. Also, 90+ temperatures. Yeah, if you think this is long now, wait till you read this section in September.

INCREDIBLE

There is so muuuch that is great this month. I’m not even being sarcastic. First of all – the Olympics, anyone? There’s nothing better than watching the world’s most athletically gifted people on the couch with a bag of Fritos. Also, there’s nothing that makes you feel as incompetent. This year was the first Olympics for me where an Olympian was younger than me. I’ll be looking forward to Tokyo 2020, when I’ll be older than most of the gymnasts on the US team. Great. Also, SIMONE BILES!!! KATIE LEDECKY!!!! MICHAEL PHELPS!!!!! USAIN BOLT!!!!!! Secondly, Pokemon Go is pretty awesome, even if the rarest Pokemon in my area is like a 112 cp Weedle. It’s forced my lazy a$$ to get up off the couch and actually walk. Additionally, I’m not going to get all political on everyone, but the downfall of a certain presidential candidate makes me feel all happy inside. Also, there’s no school right now, which is pretty fine, where I’m concerned. Yeah, pretty great month.

DON’T

…literally individually rip each one of your hairs out at the thought of school.