Last night June 27,2010 the BET awards show aired. Normally, I try and limit the amount of BET I watch, but last night I made an exception. I watched all four hours of the show. The show in itself was not horrible compared to recent years. You can tell that BET’s production team has evolved over the years. The BET awards is not as polished as the Grammy’s or World Music Awards but its definitely catching up with MTV. The two absolute highlights of the awards show of course was the Prince tribute and the Michael Jackson tribute that was performed by Chris Brown. Yes, the woman beater himself was given the opportunity to finally give Michael Jackson a proper farewell. Chris Brown is no MJ but he did a fairly good job honoring his hero!

The highlight of the performance was when Chris Brown was suppose to do his rendition of the song “Man in the mirror,” in the midst of his performance Chris Brown broke down and started crying. It was not a manly cry it was a cathartic cry that takes over and you lose yourself in the process of crying. I was on twitter at the time of the performance and of course my timeline erupted with people arguing whether the cry was fake or real and was it done for a publicity stunt? That banter also led to a larger discussion on twitter about whether or not Chris Brown should be forgiven for his act of domestic violence against Rihanna. Many staunch feminists that I respect and follow on twitter became so enraged by the fact that the public is ready to accept Chris Brown into the fold of humanity again.

I have never been a Chris Brown fan. I did not hate him, but I was not a fan I never bought an album or concert ticket. When the news of the dispute between himself and Rihanna broke last February like any decent human being I was shocked and appalled by his actions towards a woman. I found his actions after the incident even more deplorable and questionable. Chris Brown in my humble opinion never appeared to be “sorry” for his animalistic actions. His PR team did not do enough to diffuse the situation and try help Brown redeem himself in the public eye. The same criticism I have of Chris Brown’s handlers and PR team I share the same opinion for Rihanna’s team. I can only imagine how embarrassing and hurtful the ordeal must have been for Rihanna but for some reason she was completely silent about the whole fracas between herself and Chris Brown. I was not expecting her to become a spokeswoman for battered women shelters, but I was looking for something looking to connect with Rihanna. I wanted to see what Rhianna was going to do with this platform that she has been thrust into, but Rihanna gave us nothing. She continued to party around town and don her risque cutting edge fashions that we love to see her in. She was no wallflower, but she did not become a martyr for the cause either.

Chris Brown attempted to go on with his life by putting out another album which Walmart refused to carry. The same chain that carries firearms refused to carry Chris Brown’s album. Honestly, I thought Chris Brown’s career was over till a month ago or so I downloaded his mixtape “Fan of a Fan” which is very sexual and adult in nature. Obviously, Brown cannot go back to being a teen heartthrob so he embraced the “bad boy” of R&B monicker. I must admit that I like the new and improved Chris Brown the manlier more grown up Chris Brown, but once again I still thought he had a long way to go in reclaiming any semblance of his career back, but at the BET awards I witnessed something from Chris Brown that I thought I would never see. Chris Brown showed the world how sorry he was and how bad he misses being on stage entertaining. When Brown broke down I was moved it did not seem contrived it resonated in my spirit as being very real. Chris Brown also won the fan award and in his acceptance speech he told his fans he will “never let them down” again.

When the incident between Chris Brown and Rihanna took place Chris Brown was 19 years old. Him breaking down at the BET awards show does not excuse him pummeling Rihanna’s face. Him lashing out in that manner proves that he needs help. Chris Brown admitted on Larry King that he witnessed domestic violence in his home growing up and we all have read enough to know how much environment plays in the shaping of ones behavior and psyche. Of course that is not an excuse to perpetuate violence against women, but I for one am rooting for Chris Brown. He is young enough that he can change and has the ability to change. It’s funny how as Black and Brown people we have forgotten and forgiven MJ and his serious indiscretions. MJ was not accused of being a philander he was accused of something very vile and disgusting and in my book is unforgivable, but somehow we look past that part of MJ’s history so why can’t we extend Chris Brown the same courtesy? I believe with the right help and therapy Chris Brown can change. I am not going to punish Chris Brown forever especially when Rihanna herself has moved on from the incident and wants to act like it never happened. Charlie Sheen who has a very colorful past involving drugs, prostitutes, and domestic violence commands $2million per episode on the show ‘Two and a half Men’ this past December the police were called to his home for domestic violence but where is the public outcry against Charlie Sheen? Maybe after losing a host of endorsements, credibility, music sales, and money Chris Brown is finally sorry. If Chris Brown is now realizing the importance of looking at the man in the mirror then why are we not embracing that? I for one love a comeback story that is what Black and Brown people are made of we overcome our inner demons as well as societal demons.

7 Responses to “
As a woman/feminist how long am I suppose to hate Chris Brown? ”

I like this post, we should not crucify him for the rest of his life, he is young, he made a wrong choice of laying a hand on a woman..but who are we to throw stones when we are no saint..I just hope he will become a better humble person in the near future.

Being a feminist and a male has allowed me to have some very interesting conversations pertaining to Chris Brown and the issues of domestic violence, redemption, and recovery in general. Many of my long time feminist female friends where shocked that I had so called “gotten over” the “beat her down Chris” saga. Some even accused me of not being completely divested from patriarchal rule therefore in cahoots with the man to insure the long life of “penis power”. However, I honesty credit feminism for my ability to forgive Chris Brown. bell hooks often discusses the subject of victimization within a patriarchal society and she asserts that men just as much as women are victims when raised within a patriarchal culture. Women for obvious reasons and men because before we really have a choice we are taught that male rule over women and violence as a means of social control are acceptable and appropriate. Society is creating little monsters inflicting harm on all human forms in the name of patriarchal rule. However, we have things like feminism that show us our error and it is up to us to have the will to change.

Condemnation of a white male patriarchal society is acceptable and necessary but as it relates to individuals on a micro level, our focus should be on reeducation and recovery. EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL IN THIS SOCIETY NEEDS TO RECOVER FROM THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TERROR OF BEING SOCIALIZED IN OUR PATRIARCHAL CULTURE. Therefore it is my love for feminism and my desire to apply it to everyday life that I saw fit to forgive Mr. Brown for his actions. I am more concerned that he gets the help and recovery that he needs to prevent such behavior in the future. Condemnation and hatred will get us no where. I often ask feminist women would they shun there own son if he battered a woman. They all say something to the effect that they would of course not condone his behavior, but they would definitely PREACH to him the error of his ways. Lets be honest, many young feminist today will be parents in the future and we can not insulate our children from the influences of social institutions outside of the family; therefore, we may be staring this problem right in the face one day.

My fight is not for victimization but for victory. I seek to move progressive and feminist thought to the forefront and this will not be done through division and hatred but yet through love and acceptance. Open your heart and help somebody.

SN: it is interesting that in this “Christian Nation” we make it almost impossible for others to receive forgiveness when the Christian soul’s salvation is dependent upon that single act….. oh well…. and even if your aren’t a Christian or a religious person at all would you not want forgiveness for the choices you have made that weren’t so commendable?

& generally the people that should be most forgiving are the main ones who will NOT grant forgiveness. yet they will be the first ones to beg for forgiveness once they need it.

I don’t think that it should be a forgive and forget situation. I think this calls for a forgive and learn type of thing. The act should never be forgotten but we should not dwell on it and continue to punish the offender for all eternity. Especially when the victim has seemingly forgiven the and moved on.