At home with …Zoë Buckman & Cleo

Photographer
& daughter, Cleo | New York, NY

The story of photographer Zoë Buckman reads like a modern day fairytale, only more superhero than Cinderella: after only a few years in New York, she snagged her first solo show at Milk Studios, then married her longtime love, the actor and director David Schwimmer, followed by the birth of their first child, and now onto the gut renovation of a brand new brownstone. A native of East London, Buckman splits her time between shooting features for Marie Claire and GQ, and doting on her baby girl. For the new parents, the first seven months have been all about balance—tea and biscuits in the morning and sweet Manhattans after the baby’s gone to bed.Cleo, seven months, December 2011

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At home with...Zoe Buckman & Cleo

“I’m hoping that growing up in New York will give Cleo the confidence to look out for herself, and the ability to pick her battles. My purse was snatched from a bar in Tribeca and my East London upbringing told me I could win this one. I chased after the woman and yelled at her until she sheepishly gave it back. Knowing when to stand up and do something, and knowing when not to, is a skill one can better learn from growing up in a large city—it gives you self-confidence and self-reliance.”

A Few of Her Favorite Things...

1. “Assam tea bags and ginger biscuits

2. My British Vogue subscription

3. My Smythson diary: I have to write appointments down otherwise I’ll forget them

“When I was pregnant, I was blatantly honest about wanting a girl. But you feel like you shouldn’t say it because people will think you’re unhappy if you have a boy. The political answer is, ‘Oh I don’t mind’, but I really wanted a girl. David didn’t mind either way.”

“We redid her room in a semi-temporary way, because we knew we were moving. We put up these animal decals, which she’s just starting to notice. I’ll be nursing her and she’ll look up and start talking to the elephant. It’s nice when they start to notice the things you’ve done.”

“Going back to work was bittersweet. On the first shoot I had after she was born, I felt conflicted—you’re having a great time, and not thinking about the baby, and there’s that guilt that you should be thinking about the baby. Practically speaking, it was a little tricky because I kept having to stop shooting and excuse myself to go to the loo and pump. By the end of the day I was so ready to see her, I literally ran home.”

“The most surprising thing about being a mother is what it does to your capacity to feel things. I thought that I was loving with all of my heart before, but now that I have a child I’ve discovered a whole new depth of love (for my baby, my husband, my parents). You also experience fear and sorrow in greater depth too. As morbid as it sounds, the hardest thing about being a mum is the sudden awareness of my and my baby’s mortality.”

For Baby...

“When I was pregnant, people gave me a bunch of books and lots of advice, and it’s overwhelming. My approach was that I would read a little bit of everything, but if it didn’t click for me within the first chapter, I’d move on. And then I found this one book called The Gentle Birth Method and it had these birth stories that just made me cry. They weren’t all home births, but most of them were natural. After reading it, I realized this was the kind of birth experience I wanted to have. Visualization is a huge part of it—you go through the birth in your head several times so you’re comfortable with it. The book can be quite gruesome, telling you physically what’s going to happen to you. But by the time you finish reading it, you’re already comfortable with the idea. At night, towards the end of my pregnancy, I would be telling my cervix to open up, telling my body to open up, telling the baby not to be scared and that we’re going to work together and I’m going to get her out safely. And it ended up actually happening that way.”

“Traveling has been surprisingly easy. There’s something about the white noise and the movement on the airplane that really pacifies her. And David thought of a brilliant trick last time we traveled: we took a small carry-on duffel bag, which was quite hard on the outside and open on the top, and we stuffed it with blankets and she just slept the whole time.”

“I’ve learned not to put too much pressure on myself, as it totally hinders the creative process. When I was pregnant, I was concerned by how uninspired I was to make art. I had my gallerist in London waiting for new images, yet I wasn’t generating anything I was excited about. I thought pregnancy would be a highly creative time for me, but I realized that all my creative energy was turning inwards, working on growing a baby, and that there wasn’t room for it to flow out into my photography. Finding peace with that was difficult but now that I’ve accepted it, and now that Cleo is no longer as dependent on me as she was in the first few months, I can feel the sparks of creativity returning.”

Drawing of Cleo’s great-great grandmother

“As lovely as it is to have your baby sleep in your bed or your bedroom (and it is lovely), it should be a short-term thing. Babies need their independence, and couples need their beds.”

The Birth Story, Part One...

“She was born at home, in our bedroom, on Mother’s Day. It was amazing. I was two and a half weeks early so when I started having contractions, I was kind of in denial that it was happening. We had planned a home birth, but we had a back-up plan so that if anything went wrong, we’d go to the hospital. I started having contractions at 3am, but thought it was just Braxton Hicks. But then David started to time them, and by six in the morning we thought maybe we should call the midwife. She came over and checked me out and was like, ‘Oh yeah, you’re dilated, you’re good to go.’ A friend of mine happened to be staying with us, sleeping on the couch, and my mom was in the guest room. So David had to go wake my friend up and ask her to go stay at a hotel, and my mom went off for the day. And then we were just sort of in the rhythm of it, and very focused. There was low lighting, candles, and music.”

The Birth Story, Part Two...

“The midwife was amazing (and I had a doula as well)—I wasn’t really aware of them, it was just so calm. I wasn’t worried at all, and it didn’t even cross my mind that anything could go wrong. I planned to have her in the bathtub, so at a certain point, David said, ‘Okay sweetheart, shall I run the bath?’ The thing is, when you’re in labor you can’t really make decisions so I just said, ‘um, okay, yeah.’ So he ran the bath and I got in, and I must have transitioned into a more active stage of labor because being in the tub did not feel good. It actually made me throw up. From there, I got on the bed and before I knew it, the midwife said, ‘It’s time to start pushing, and you can reach down and pull her out.’ It is incredibly empowering because you’re in control, and you’re orchestrating the biggest event of your life. After, we ordered burgers and I sat in bed, burger in one hand, baby in the other, whilst she nursed. Sometimes I miss the birth.”

“It’s not as if I’m against pain meds or that I think they’re bad for the baby. I think a mother being in distress and excruciating pain is probably worse for the baby than the mom just having an epidural. But I didn’t want that. I wanted to feel it, and the pain is not as bad as you’re led to believe.”

“As she left our house after I’d given birth, my midwife told me to trust my instincts—it’s proved invaluable.”

“At this age, I don’t actually think she needs that many toys. She’s happiest with the either her red rattle, a bottle of water, or a box of tissues. If I’m trying to get dressed, I just pop her on the bed and give her a box of tissues and it buys me at least 15 minutes. I really like crocheted or wooden toys for her. They’re old fashioned, pretty, and have been working for years, so why change it up and get flashy plastic toys.”

Exercise...

“I hardly got any maternity clothes, only J Brand skinny jeans which I wore everyday. It was the only time in my life that I felt confident wearing tight clothing. It’s the one time when it’s great to have a belly. I’m really lucky in that one of my best friends is a personal trainer, so I recruited her help six weeks after Cleo was born. We’d natter away as she kicked my butt and I felt I was fitting in social time whilst exercising. It also helped that watching us workout often kept Cleo entertained!”

“When I was pregnant, I slept with these two bunnies with the hope that they would take on my scent and be a comfort to her when she was first born (they were also nice cushions for my big belly). Now she loves them and can’t sleep without them.”

Bonpoint bunnies

“David bought me the ‘Hot Lips’ ring by Solange Azagury-Partridge when we first met, and then she designed our wedding rings (mine is a green diamond band). When Cleo was born, she sent this lovely necklace, which I’m wearing until she turns 18.”

Beauty...

“I’ve stopped putting mascara on my bottom lashes, and I think it makes me look slightly less tired. And instead of manicures, I get gels, which last two weeks. Between Cleo and shooting, I use my hands so much and can’t be worrying about chipping or smudging nail polish.

Cleo’s ‘beauty’ shortcut: since day one we’ve covered her in organic olive oil, and when changing her diaper we just use warm water and then the oil. She’s never had diaper rash as a result.”

“It’s funny the things you do as a mum that you never expected. There have been nights when I’m so tired, I find myself rocking her to sleep in the middle of the night reading Keats poems I learned when I was in school.”

“The first time your baby does one of those explosive yellow poohs, and it stains something beautiful, you’re devastated. And then you think, that’s amazing, you did your first explosive yellow pooh, what a clever girl.”

“My proudest moment so far as a mum was when I pulled my baby out! I was so proud of Cleo for helping me through the birth, for working with me and making it as quick and pain-free as possible, and I was abundantly proud of myself for having done it.”