Vicki's Blog

In World War II, and probably in other wars too, American bombers sought to destroy the bridges of our enemies. This single act served to thwart their movements and cut them off from supplies and each other. It was an effective strategy and theoretically, no one had to die (although I'm sure many did).

A few years ago, the state highway department replaced a bridge near our house. Who knew how often we drove across that bridge on a daily basis? It was the most direct route to town, to work, and school, and also went right past my parents' house. A detour was provided, but certainly was not the preferred route. My mother often complained during this construction time that we rarely saw each other any more. It was because the detour didn't allow us to easily go to their place even though we were less than 1 mile apart. We had to back track and make the effort or they had to go the long way around to get to us, and apparently we often fell short. Bridges are significant infrastructures. They connect us to others and the services we need. They make our lives more convenient and surprisingly, more meaningful. Sometimes we fail to appreciate those bridges until they are unavailable. When confronted with those large orange detour signs that warn us "ROAD CLOSED AHEAD - BRIDGE OUT" - we realize reaching our destination just got a little more difficult, and we might not be the only ones who feel cut off.

One of my passions in education is moving from knowing and doing. With this in mind, it is important to remember that the very nature of bridges helps us connect, getting us from point A to point B, whether it's through travel, learning, or taking us from knowing to doing. Examining and creating connections to real life or things that are familiar, makes learning meaningful. Personal connections make everything we do more fulfilling as we feel a part of the larger group where we can receive support while working toward common goals.

Personal connections are indeed bridges to understanding. My favorite teacher in middle school and high school was certainly knowledgeable in his field (English) but it was the relationships he built with his students that built the bridges that helped us understand and feel connected. We cared about what he wanted to teach us because he cared about us. He made it a point to know us and make us feel that what we thought and did mattered. When we were seniors, we dedicated our yearbook to him. Simon and Garfunkel's, "Bridge Over Troubled Waters" had been a big hit during my high school days (yes, that makes me old) and we used that theme to honor this man and the influence he had on us. I often use the following quote from Teddy Roosevelt in my workshops and with my students, "People don't care what you know until they know that you care." Caring is the first step in building bridges. This is a valuable lesson we must take with us everyday as we go to work or school, work within the community, and especially when we are with family and friends. Taking the time to build those bridges is truly worth it in terms of how it makes us feel, others feel, and how effective we can be.

New situationswould be made easier if we worked harder at building bridges. When we enter a room with unfamiliar people, making those personal connections during introductions helps us remember their name and immediately builds a bridge. Extend that to the work place or a group that you are set to lead. As the new "boss," the first priority should be building bridges, relationships if you will, with the staff/employees/members. It is imperative to take the time to woo their hearts so you both believe they matter, both as people and as workers or members, much like we woo the affections of a potential mate. Those team building activities at the beginning of meetings or class may seem like fluff, but they are important to building those relationships that will make a difference in how well the organization will run. You may have big dreams and high expectations for those you oversee, but to paraphrase Roosevelt, until they know you care, they won't care what you know or what you want them to do. We have great power at our finger tips if we realize that everything we do and everything we don't do matters.

New employees or members would also benefit from our efforts to build bridges so that their experience as a part of our team is beneficial to both them and us. They will learn the required processes more quickly if we have established mentoring relationships and a framework to provide information and support so that their transition to this new role will allow them the opportunity to be successful.

Answering "Why" questionshelps build bridges to understanding the need for change. It helps make the "how" and the "what" more meaningful by defining the purpose more clearly. Taking the time to address the "why" questions - proactively if possible - builds bridges by recognizing the individual needs, questions, and concerns of those involved. Leaders, including parents, often start with the 'what" or the "how" and only address the "why" if asked. Again, everyone needs to feel like they are being heard - that what they think and feel matters. As a result our responses to those questions that are voiced matter too. And FYI, despite what you may have heard, "Because I said so" isn't an effective bridge-building response either.

Then there are those times we must rebuild bridgesthat have been damaged or destroyed by our own words or actions. The Marshall Plan was enacted to rebuild war-torn Europe after World War II. One of the first things that was addressed was to rebuild the infrastructure (roads and bridges) to connect people and reduce their isolation. These were the very bridges that we had bombed just a few months or years earlier and now we were set to help rebuild them. We have all had moments where we have said or done things we wished we could take back, but the damage was done. How we respond will determine if the relationship remains strained or ruined, or if we can find ways to re-connect. We can't undo the damage but we can go forward and rebuild. As our babysitter used to tell our kids, "Sorry doesn't fix it, but you can change that behavior." A few years ago, I reconnected with my childhood best friend, after years of estrangement over some stuff that happened in college (pretty silly as I look back), because she reached out to build a bridge across our strained relationship. I am thankful every day that she took that chance and that I was able to respond in kind so that we could rebuild that friendship. That new bridge is priceless.

What bridge will you build today? How will you be a better friend? How will you be a better leader? How will you make a difference in the lives of others? As you find a way to make someone feel like they matter, remember YOU matter too!

Did you clean your room? "Kinda, sorta..."Do you work out during the off season? "Kinda, sorta..."Did you study for the test? "Kinda, sorta..."

These are responses that I have received from my "kids" over the years (both my own children and my students). In all honesty, it's an answer I have given too, probably more than likely to my doctor or dentist in response to whether I'd regularly exercised, watched my diet, elevated and iced that sprained ankle, done regular breast exams, or flossed my teeth.

Kinda, Sorta Translated.What does that really mean? When my kids told me that, I knew they had done less than expected. Maybe they started but didn't finish. Maybe they gave it a lick and a promise. Maybe they did it once in a while. Kinda, sorta may haveseemed like a better answer than "Yes I did" when you knew you didn't do what was expected; or "No I did not" which failed to reflect that you did something, even if it wasn't exactly right. We use it as a way to soften or justify the reality. When I told my doctor that, I was attempting to avoid what he/she already knew. I was more talk than action. Kinda, sorta. Not really.

Kinda, Sorta Understanding.Sometimes kinda, sorta really does express the level to which we understand or "get it." If a student kinda, sorta understands the lesson, it means they have some knowledge or skill, but not enough for clarity or to effectively apply the learning to other situations. People often stop at our house to ask for directions. I give them the directions they want, all the while knowing that I have something to connect to - a mental map if you will - and they are just listening, trying to keep it in order. I'm pretty sure when they leave, kinda, sorta is all they really understand and the result may be that they are still lost. So to answer the question, "Do you understand?" the correct response might truly be, "Not really." That is our cue to help clarify or reteach the content so that it becomes clear, and meaningful connections are made, so that the knowledge and skills can be used. Then kinda, sorta becomes "I get it" and the lost is now found!

Kinda, Sorta Efforts.Too often, kinda, sorta is more of a reflection of the time or effort we put into a task. I used to tell my basketball players that we had to "walk our talk." It didn't do us much good to talk about what we were capable of accomplishing if we didn't act in ways to prepare us for that journey. We lose focus or become complacent and then kinda, sorta stop attending to details, or making what should be a regular behavior, irregular. We stop doing our best and settling for something less. We procrastinate and make excuses. Success that ends with a quality product involves purposeful intent, hard work, and consistent effort. Kinda, sorta just isn't the same thing. Not really. Not ever.

Educators expect students to do their best on assignments or tests, and actively participate in class activities/discussions. They are typically not thrilled with kinda, sortaefforts. Not ever. Yet teachers can fall into the kinda, sorta trap too. When new instructional strategies are presented, teachers are asked if they have implemented them. When their response is "kinda, sorta," you'd be correct to assume that means they tried it once and haven't given it another thought. So when their students are not showing the intended benefits of that new strategy, one only has to look inward to realize our kinda, sorta implementation probably netted those kinda, sorta results.

Kinda, Sorta Results.The results we get from "kinda, sorta" are not really what we want and certainly not what was expected. What if your surgeon kinda, sorta took out your appendix or put in that stint? Or what if your hairdresser kinda, sorta cut your hair? Would we be happy with those results? Of course not. We want to look good, feel healthy, achieve all of our goals, and be successful! But if we are honest, most of us would admit that we would like to get the best results with the least amount of effort. If we try, isn't that better than not doing it all? Kinda, sorta. Not really.

Would you be happy with your child's teacher if they just kinda, sorta taught the lesson and then sent the child home for you to help them with their homework? Of course not! This works both ways too. It is important that parents facilitate the child's completion of the task instead of kinda, sorta doing it just to say they got it done. We have to teach our children at home and at school from an early age that kinda, sorta just isn't going to cut it in real life. Not ever.

Kinda, Sorta Lifestyle.Unfortunately, kinda, sorta can become a way of life if we're not careful. There is less pressure on ourselves if we choose to be good but not great, or act in ways to just "get by." The farther away we get from doing it right, the harder it is to get going again. I use these blogs to hold myself accountable sometimes. This one is no exception. My exercise program has been less than regular over the summer. I was busy with hosting workshops and then went on vacation. Oh yes, there's that new bad habit I have of drinking coffee first thing in the morning and playing on my phone while I watch the Today Show. That would be OK if 30 minutes didn't quickly turn into 2 hours. So my one time religious habit of 30 minutes on the treadmill every morning as soon as I got up has turned into a "sometimes" event. So when I fill out the paper work at the doctor's office and they ask me if I exercise regularly, lately I'd have to say "kinda, sorta." How's that working for me? Not good. Not really. And honestly, not ever.

Eliminating Kinda, Sorta. To get that kinda, sorta mindset out of my lifestyle, I must decide that what I want and what I'm getting just isn't in agreement and that only I can do something about that. My keys to making this change: Focus; Motivation; and Action. So this week, I have been better. Not totally focused, but moving in that direction. My once a week exercise became 4 days this week. Progress. Kinda, sorta is turning into most of the time. Will I be perfect in this endeavor? Of course not. But I'll be a lot farther away from kinda, sorta than I was a month ago if I just keep making movement a priority.

What kinda, sorta thought process or activity do you need to eliminate from your life? How's that working for you now? Get the results you want by getting focused, deciding a course of action, and making it happen. Don't let that kinda, sorta response slip back in. Not now. Not ever.

What does it take to survive life's storms? To stand tall when faced with new opportunities or when others around you take a different path? To remain grounded when others would suggest faster but weaker options? What questions do you have when you consider this lone house surrounded by devastation?

Our pastor showed this picture during his sermon a few weeks ago and I was captivated by the impact of this solitary house surviving the destructive winds of a hurricane. He definitely had my attention... but then my thoughts drifted to the possibilities and questions this picture inspired. and the blog I knew I would soon write.

My first thought went back to words from an old Bible School song, "The wise man built his house upon the rock...the foolish man built his house upon the sand." Was the location for the house in the picture on more solid footing than the surrounding sandy soil? How does that analogy apply to our lives too? Can we not survive life's storms more easily if we have a solid foundation of faith, values, and support of family and friends? No one can avoid life's storms, but how we plan for, respond, and ultimately move forward from those storms is often based on the things we can hold on to... and maybe more importantly, the things that hold on to us. When we believe in ethical principles, strong values, and have faith that will anchor us, we are better able to weather those storms. Those "things' are not tangible, but yet provide us context and hope. They help us make decisions and plan for a better tomorrow. The relationships we build with family, friends, and colleagues embrace us during times of joy and in times of despair. We may be likely to reach out to help others, but reluctant to seek the same help for ourselves, yet that is critical to our survival of the storms that roll through our lives.

Another thought that came to mind was that sometimes we feel like we are alone, standing out, with no one around us to whom we feel connected. At times, the alone feeling happens when we begin a new venture...a transition if you will... an opportunity for a new job, move, or regrouping after a life changing event, whether good or bad. Even amid the throngs of people that may surround us in our life or new location, we feel alone, facing this change without our usual supports. How do we get through these times? I believe it goes back to the foundations and relationships we have built that ground us, support us, and provide us with the hope and tools to stand strong and emerge to better times.

Finally I thought about how sometimes we are tempted to take the easy road because it is faster or the trendy thing to do. When we stand our ground and do what we believe to be right, we may feel like we are standing alone. Cautious or prudent behavior is not always popular or fun, but often can keep us from making hasty decisions that come back to bite us later. Students frequently hurry to get their work done so they can race out the door for recess, not taking the time to ensure accuracy or learning. What we do and how we do it matters. Did the builders of the house in the picture use better materials, or have a better blueprint to fend off storms when they erected that house? Consider the 3 Little Pigs children's story. The pigs that used sticks and straw to build their houses because it was fast and easy made fun of the pig who used bricks, but in the end, when the Big Bad Wolf came knocking, trying to blow their houses down, it was the house made of bricks that survived and sheltered that pig from the threat of the wolf who pursued all of them.

In the end, what we believe in, act on, and how we do it really does matter. Some might say it was luck or the grace of God that resulted in the house being spared. And while that may be true, there may be an explanation whereby we have some control over how the bumps and storms of life impact us. Find faith. Determine what is important that you will believe in. Build relationships that are helpful to you and the endeavors you seek. Then act in ways to support your faith and beliefs and nurture those important relationships. So when "the rains come down and the floods come up, your house on the rock stands firm."