Self-Help Junkies

Have you ever met a self-help junkie? A self-help junkie is someone who reads self-help books voraciously, attends seminars as much as his/her budget will allow, and is fluent in self-help lingo; however, when you look at this person’s life objectively, s/he has very little to show for this investment beyond a well-stocked bookshelf and a collection of motivational posters.

Perhaps you know such a person all too well. 🙂

For a self-help junkie, the pursuit of personal development becomes a means of escape, at best a form of procrastination and at worst a serious addiction. The junkie avoids dealing with the real problems of his/her life in order to embrace the delusional fantasy that reading books and going to seminars is some form of progress or therapy, an end unto itself. But despite the emotional rollercoaster this approach can create, for the most part those positive changes never materialize. Year after year the self-help junkie devours volumes of material while the practical application of such knowledge remains just beyond the horizon. Their health, finances, relationship status, and level of awareness are largely unchanged, even after years of presumed life-altering breakthroughs. This enormous time investment in self-help is nothing but mental masturbation.

Much like drug addicts, self-help junkies feed their addiction by digesting more and more feel-good material. They get sucked into the emotional high that comes from reading enthusiastic drivel, but those unresolved feelings of emptiness and self-doubt always return in the end. For a brief time these devotees may maintain the illusion of action, such as by doing introspective exercises, taking quizzes, making journal entries, and reciting daily affirmations. But when they’re just about to begin the real action phase — the kind that produces measurable results — somehow they always get sidetracked, and the end result is nothing but a rah-rah fizzle. Reality begins to intervene, the desire to escape into the warm embrace of those positive feelings arises once again, and the cycle continues… often for years.

Unfortunately, there are many self-help books that readily feed this addiction, books that replace actionable, workable ideas with meaningless happy talk, vapid platitudes, and inflated stories of personal triumph. Such books invariably promise “fast and easy” results. But the most substantial prose in such books is frequently devoted to upselling you on an expensive seminar, where the committed junkies can get an ever bigger fix, eagerly emptying their wallets in exchange for an ephemeral smile.

Real growth or delusional addiction?

Suggesting that the pursuit of personal growth is bad because of the existence of self-help junkies is like saying that food is bad because of the existence of junk food addicts. So-called “foodies” value the taste and satiety of food more than its nutritional value; whether the food is healthy and nutritious is of little concern as long as it tastes good and feels good in the tummy. Similarly, self-help junkies become fixated on the emotional high associated with personal growth; whether or not any real growth actually occurs is less important as long as the experience feels good for a while.

As human beings we have little choice but to experience growth during our lives. Our own bodies will force that upon us, as will our experiences and relationships. Growth is unavoidable, and the intelligent pursuit of new growth experiences can do a lot of good for us, producing measurable results. But we need to be sure those positive, measurable results are indeed materializing. If we are truly growing, we’d better have something to show for it.

What about intangible results? Surely there are intangible forms of growth like improved knowledge of self, a higher level of consciousness, inner peace, greater emotional awareness, and so on. Self-help junkies, however, frequently mislabel their lack of real progress as intangible, internal, or psychological growth. If that inner growth is really present, one’s external reality will surely reflect it. For example, if you’ve truly adopted an “abundance mindset,” you’re going to experience some very measurable financial abundance. Perhaps you’ll see your income and/or your net worth increasing year after year. Or the numbers in your bank account will include more digits than they used to. Maybe you opt for the simple life and live off the land without needing to worry about money at all. How this mindset actually manifests depends on your values and beliefs, but it must manifest in some external form if the inner changes have actually occurred. If your external reality is that you’re sinking deeper into debt, your “mindset of abundance” is nothing but a fantasy.

If you’re really growing internally, your life will reveal clear evidence of positive change. It may not be across-the-board change in every single area of your life, and it may not qualify as a massive breakthrough, but it will be present in some form, and it will be observable. I’d go so far as to suggest that if you can’t measure your growth in a tangible, objective manner, it’s a virtual certainty you’re wallowing in self-delusion. Even subjective growth will manifest objectively, and those manifestations can be measured. If there is no perceivable outer change, then no inner change has occurred.

Let me give you some examples of measurable personal growth across different areas of life. This list is far from comprehensive, and it’s unavoidably biased in its values, but it should serve to demonstrate some of the various ways that genuine personal growth can produce observable external output. So please consider it in that respect rather than nitpicking the finer details.

manifesting your desires more rapidly (less time between original intention and final manifestation)

learning astral projection

overcoming and facing your greatest fears

Personal effectiveness growth

maintaining a clutter-free, well-organized home and office

paying all bills on time with nary a late fee

being punctual for appointments

securing a reliable vehicle

having a clear list of goals and written plans to achieve them

having a functional time management system in place

routinely achieving an empty email inbox

overcoming procrastination

I’m not suggesting that any of the above should become the primary focus of your existence or that any of these specific items must be important to you as an individual. My point is that if you’re genuinely pursuing personal growth and not falling into the trap of self-help delusion, you should be able to produce a similar list for your own life. If your growth pursuits are effective, I guarantee they’re going to produce tangible, measurable results. I’d be wary of anyone who claims his/her self-help results are purely internal and have no outward manifestations. If those inner breakthroughs are genuine, they must eventually manifest changes in the physical world.

The purpose of self-help isn’t to endure crappy results and learn to feel good about them. It’s to enter the positive spiral where your thoughts, feelings, actions, and results are all aligned in the direction of your goals AND this alignment is getting better and better and better. The better this alignment, the more efficient you become at setting and achieving meaningful goals, the achievement of which can benefit a lot more people than just yourself.

As long as your ultimate focus is on results, the pursuit of personal growth is one of the best things you can do to help others because it can dramatically increase your capacity to contribute. A small dietary change can add many productive years to your life, a moment of inspiration can drive you to start a new business that may serve thousands of customers, and a confidence boost can help you find your soulmate. When one of us experiences true growth, we all benefit from it.

It’s great to feel good about your life, but if those feelings are only an escape, you’re merely deluding yourself instead of making real progress. Real progress in the realm of thought will eventually manifest in physical form, and that physical form involves getting your ass in motion.

As you pursue your own unique path of growth, be guided by grounded intelligence. Steer clear of the self-help junkies as well as the jaded cynics. Opt instead for the path of conscious optimization.