Dancing With The Stars Finals, Night One: Viva William Levy!

Last week we had to bid farewell to Maria
Menunous and Derek, and with them, the last shred of drama on Dancing With The
Stars. William Levy, Katherine Jenkins and Donald Driver are all very
accomplished dancers, for celebrities at the very least. But they also seem to
be nice people who don't blow up at their partners at the drop of the hat,
which is probably part of the reason why they got so far.

But let's face it -- stupid drama is half the fun of this show. Maybe if we're lucky we'll get a montage of Jaleel White's
greatest hits tomorrow night!

On the upside, at least William Levy is making Cuba proud (or as proud as a DWTS contestant can make a nation of people, anyway) by sticking it out until the very end. We'd stay out of Little Havana tonight if we were you, just in case Levy doesn't win it all and rioters take to the streets. Or something.William Levy and Cheryl start the finale's
"judges' choice" round with a cha-cha to Pink. Did you know that last night was also
the finale to the TV series House? It's true! It's no longer going to be on TV
anymore with new episodes. Remember when the whole country had House fever and
it was the only illness House couldn't cure? We hope that William Levy's career
takes off and he stars in a Spanish language adaptation of House called "Casa."
That was a perfect joke, just like their dance. They earn a 30.

Katherine Jenkins and Mark paso doble for their
judges' dance. Judge Len helps them
with their dance, which is the obligatory once-a-year matador-inspired dance.
Guys, there's not that much more you can do with the bullfighting cliché. There's going to be a rose and a slain bull and not much else. Move on to
another barbaric sport, like cockfighting or professional football. They get a
30.

Donald Driver and Peta finish the first round
of dances with an Argentine tango to Jem. The judges encourage the couple to
have less filler in their dances. So naturally they start their dance with a
little act where Donald crumples up a piece of paper in a move that wasn't
filler at all. What was on that paper? Not to promote baseless speculation, but
maybe Donald and Peta are terrorists hellbent on carrying out their mission,
which at the very least would add some intrigue to the finale. The judges give
them a 29.

The second round of the finale is the Freestyle
Challenge, where the only rule is there are no rules. Seriously, no rules at
all. Sure, they're likely going to adhere to the basic aesthetics of
ballroom dancing, but hypothetically they could get up there and eat a meatball
sub, which hasn't been done on DWTS since Chaz Bono was on last season.

William
and Cheryl dance to Shakira earning a 29, Katherine and Mark do a very
versatile dance for their second 30, and Donald and Peta end the evening's dance
with a cha-cha to Cowboy Troy. Really, Cowboy Troy? The rapping cowboy friend
of Big & Rich? That's the route you decided to go in the finals? You
couldn't have picked that Eurotrance version of "Cotton-Eyed Joe"? For whatever
reason they are rewarded for their decision, getting a perfect 30.

That's it for night one of the Dancing With The
Stars finale, but the competition isn't over yet. Tonight is the 24-hour dance
challenge, where the teams must learn a dance overnight. It's just like
studying for finals in school, except far less snorting Ritalin. We assume, anyway.

Who's looking
good so far? Katherine and Mark have been flawless, but we love a Miami
connection so it'd be hard not to cheer for William Levy and Cheryl. See you tomorrow
night!