Sports Update » Astros/MLBhttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate
Blogging special sports events and storiesSun, 02 Aug 2015 17:09:44 +0000en-UShourly1http://wordpress.org/?v=4.2.2Déjà vu: Astros stink, cyclists cheat, and a great videohttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/05/deja-vu-astros-stink-cyclists-cheat/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/05/deja-vu-astros-stink-cyclists-cheat/#commentsFri, 20 May 2011 16:02:14 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/?p=1059As they head across the border tonight, the Astros’ record matches that of 2005, when they started 15-29, lost again to slip to 15-30, then started playing well and advanced to the World Series.

Man, I need a vacation. Three birdies on the back nine yesterday coupled with some late-night viewing of the Astros’ latest failure, and I find I am almost plagiarizing myself.

These rascals have the same 15-29 record this season as they had after 44 games last season. And it again matches the worst record in team history at this point of the season.

So much for the joy of playing the young guys, huh? Raise your hand if you called for that. Go ahead, don’t be ashamed.

There is no more definition of a bad team than Michael Bourn’s breakdown of the Astros to Zachary Levine after yesterday’s defeat: “We pitch, we don’t hit. We hit, we don’t pitch.”

Translation: “We stink.”

Pitiful. And we don’t even have fake Texans’ practices to get us through the month.

• • •

Speaking of déjà vu, wasn’t it exactly a year ago that I wrote an entry about Lying Floyd Landis coming clean on his performance-enhancing drug use, and accused Lance Armstrong of cheating too?

Tyler Hamilton, another former teammate of Armstrong’s, noticed the date on the calendar, so he will go on 60 Minutes this Sunday to say Lance Armstrong used performance enhancing drugs. Really? Seriously?

I am curious, how many of you care?

Or perhaps a better question: how many of you thought Armstrong was clean in the first place?

Those of us who think over half of major leaguers were using PEDs aren’t far off from the truth. Those of us who think 100 percent of elite cyclists used PEDs are dead-on accurate.

• • •

The Preakness is this weekend. In honor of that, check out the most memorable call of new NBA horse racing announcer Larry Collmus’ career.

It was from a race at Monmouth Park last August. If you’re like me and reluctant to click on video links, the two horses battling down the stretch were named Mywifeknownevrything and Thewifedoesntknow.

Worse yet, the Cowboys came to Houston and beat the Texans 27-13 at Reliant Stadium last season. Until the Texans post a better record, go farther in the playoffs or beat the Cowboys when the two meet on the field again in a few years, there is little Texans fans can say about Dallas.

It is really kind of sad that y’all let Cowboys fans get under your skin so easily.

It is April, people, at least save your madness for September.

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/astros-odds-improving-texans-cowboys-pillow-fight/feed/48Are the Texans a smart organization; money and sports have to mixhttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/are-the-texans-a-smart-organization-money-and-sports-have-to-mix/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/are-the-texans-a-smart-organization-money-and-sports-have-to-mix/#commentsMon, 07 Mar 2011 15:57:54 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2011/03/are-the-texans-a-smart-organization-money-and-sports-have-to-mix/Since NFL teams will be forbidden from talking to players during the lockout (should there be one), I had a crazy idea that the Texans defensive players should hire a former assistant on Wade Phillips’ staff to walk them through the intricacies of the new defense.

I’m not talking about full-scale workouts, which would be dangerous in that if a player were injured in such a practice, teams could classify it as a non-football related injury and not pay him as it would were he hurt in minicamp or OTAs.

In fact, I had the crazy idea that a smart organization that values winning might encourage its players to do so, and might even unofficially let it be known that it wouldn’t try to be cheap and hold such an injury against a guy were he to suffer one.

It was a crazy idea that only a smart organization going through a significant offseason change like hiring a new defensive coordinator and switching from the 4-3 to the 3-4 might consider. A smart organization willing to risk the substantial fine that it might incur (it is only money, right?) should a player file a complaint with the NFLPA (why would a player do such a thing if he wants to win?) if he felt the team pressured players to do this (as opposed to rewarding them for doing so).

It was just a crazy idea.

• • •

If you’re like me, you hate it when sports and money mix.

Money messes up the games; messes with the minds of those who watch the games.

But money is the reason most owners own, and the reason some players play and some coaches coach.

Unless they work for a team, money isn’t the reason fans are fans, save for the few who claim they have elected to become fans of minor sports because the pricing is cheaper. I don’t doubt their truthfulness, but their numbers are few.

Anyway, just so I won’t completely ignore the money talk that is so dominating the NFL these days, here are a couple of interesting reads on the labor situation.

From Trotter: “One NFL source said the owners have been “fully engaged and fully responsive for almost two years” and have made “numerous proposals and counterproposals.” The players believe otherwise, and their willingness to go toe-to-toe with the owners stems largely from their belief that they are better educated about the issues than at any point in the past three decades.”

From Simmons: “This isn’t about common sense, dignity, relationships, long-term plans, or even preserving the fragile relationship between a customer and a provider. It’s about generating more money …”

• • •

The Astros are shooting for an $80-million budget for 2011.

Philadelphia will pay around $80 million to its four starting pitchers, its closer and Ryan Howard.

End of message.

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/are-the-texans-a-smart-organization-money-and-sports-have-to-mix/feed/23Castro out for season, or should be, that ishttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/castro-out-for-season-or-should-be-that-is/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/03/castro-out-for-season-or-should-be-that-is/#commentsFri, 04 Mar 2011 14:07:24 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2011/03/castro-out-for-season-or-should-be-that-is/Bad news got much worse for the Astros, as Jason Castro is now almost certainly out for the season with surgery this morning on a torn anterior cruciate ligament.

Tough blow for the young man, who was the No. 10 pick in the 2008 draft.

The team is officially saying he could be back in September, but that is optimistic and likely even foolish.

It would make almost no sense to rush a catcher back from a serious knee injury. Not smart.

This is typically a 9-12 month injury, with six months being the absolute low end for an athlete. But for a catcher is required to do physically, I don’t see why they would even entertain the thought.

Not to mention, Castro is such a young player, why put him out there when he isn’t as strong as he could be and risk him taking another significant hit to his confidence? Yeah, I would be as worried about that as I would his re-injuring himself. (I assume doctors wouldn’t clear a guy until he could play.)

Maybe they will just dangle the hope that he might return at the end of the season as a carrot to help his rehab, so I guess that won’t hurt any.

The development of the young catcher took a serious blow with this injury. For a guy who was hoping to find himself, in many ways, when he returns he will have to start over.

Castro is only 23, so there should be plenty baseball left for him to play.

J.R. Towles and Humberto Quintero, who should get first crack at the job, are probably not the answer, but a strong spring for either and he’ll get a chance. Opportunity is definitely knocking.

If the Astros are serious about having a decent season (and that financial restraint because of the attempt to sell the team are not an issue), they will go find a catcher.

I wouldn’t be surprised of Bengie “Big Money” Molina’s agent has already left message for Ed Wade. Molina, who played for both eventual World Series teams last year is a free agent.

• • •

Speaking of ACL tears, the Owen Daniels signing is huge for the Texans.

Hey, you can’t spell Texans without a TE.

Daniels brings a dynamic to the offense that can’t be easily replaced.

Joel Dreesen is serviceable, but Daniels is special. Defenses that don’t respect what he does get crushed.

And coming off a serious knee injury, you could tell Daniels was not 10percent early in the season, but by the last month or so, he was almost back to normal.

He should hit the season in top shape this year and I would expect a monster year.

Now why the Texans were irking him by not making any serious contract offers for so long, I can’t tell you.

My assumption is the team was waiting to se what the CBA situation was before showing its cards.

Had a deal been more imminent, and Daniels been granted unrestricted free agency, which he should have been the Texans would have had to pay a lot more money to keep him.

As it was, negotiations took one night and Houston got its man.

• • •

Derrick Ward and Shaun Cody were good re-ups as well. Solid backups that provide quality depth are important to a football team.

Ward gets to hold it down through whatever training camp there is should Arian Foster’s contract situation results in a holdout and puts more heat on Ben Tate to come in prepared to battle for the No. 2 running back spot.

Cody was one of the team’s biggest surprises last season, as he had a strong year at defensive tackle, probably the most consistent play of any lineman on the roster.

While it would not be a good thing for the defense to expect him to start and get the majority of the snaps at the nose for Wade Phillips, he will play and should contribute.

Anyway, I try not to buy into the hype, relying more on probable potential instead of best-case scenarios of planets lining up to present miracles.

But players can make you believe.

If you are an Astros fan, Hunter Pence’s words might give you a more positive feeling about the 2011 season.

The biggest star on the Astros – take my word for it, he is the most popular player on the team – thinks his team might shake up the world.

“We’re excited,” Pence said. “I feel that this team has the opportunity to do something special. We’re hungry. Hopefully we can lay low. We don’t need anyone to talk about us, we just need to go out there and prove it everyday.”

• • •

Astros followers are probably going to like newcomer Bill Hall.

A two-time community service award winner with the Brewers, should provide an example for younger players to emulate.

He hasn’t been on the team long – he signed with Houston on Dec. 20 – but he has quickly established himself as a leader in the clubhouse.

“I’m trying to bring the mentality that you know you gotta know you can win on a daily basis,” Hall said. “You gotta feel like when you step on that field there is nobody that can beat you.

“From the short time I was in Boston, I saw that those guys knew every single day that they were going to go out and win. Even with all the injuries last year, we still felt like we were going to win everyday. You gotta have that mentality.”

• • •

Retired pitcher Doug Brocail gave what I thought was a humorous thought on teammates getting along, and perhaps the funniest thing about it is he wasn’t joking.

“But if a pitcher from another team hits a guy on my team, even a guy that I don’t like, a payback is coming. You know when you get in the clubhouse and walk through those doors it is time to go to work. And you work together. Even if you don’t like each other.”

• • •

I find it interesting that Hunter Pence told me that a couple of years ago he and Wandy Rodriguez were the only players on the 25-man major league roster to show up at Minute Maid during the winter to work out.

NFL teams have a 90-plus percent participation rate for their offseason programs. The NBA is very similar, with players gathering throughout the summer to play basketball.

This winter, Pence said there were too many players around for him to keep track.

“Guys in the big leagues who will be contributors on the team or are expected to be contributors very soon were there,” Pence said. “It was a different vibe.”

Hey, I pay for tickets sometimes too. My 93-year-old grandmother can go to a game on me whenever she asks. Mama Mary used to take me to see those sorry rascals when I was little, so the least I can do is take her to see those sorry rascals now.

Complain about grocery stores charging too much for milk, schools raising tuition and even gas prices. Things we need and shouldn’t have to live without.

But the Astros?

If the ticket prices are too high, don’t pay them.

One question, though. Why didn’t they announce the price hike when nobody was paying attention? Like one of those Mondays after the Texans went down in flames.

Isn’t announcing them the day before spring training begins sort of like breaking up with somebody the day before Valentine’s Day?

• • •

Sexual assault is not funny. Ever.

But a waitress telling Albert Haynesworth he can put his credit card between her breasts because her hands were full, then filing a police report four hours later because his “heavy/fat/stocky” hand caressed her breast, makes me sort of chuckle.

Now, I am not a breast man, but why a grown man would think he could grab a woman’s breasts just because she told him he could place an object there is beyond me. What an idiot. Didn’t we all learn as teenagers that you are only permitted to “accidentally” graze a breast in said situation?

Maybe Haynesworth’s heavy/fat/stocky fingers actually only grazed a breast, but the woman thought she felt a little more. Then again, maybe Haynesworth’s heavy/fat/stocky wallet led to the waitress thinking he did a little more than graze.

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/02/astros-ticket-prices-no-complaint-haynesworths-breasts/feed/16Atlanta is a miserable sports town; Is Houston worse?http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/01/atlanta-is-a-miserable-sports-town-is-houston-worse/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/01/atlanta-is-a-miserable-sports-town-is-houston-worse/#commentsSat, 22 Jan 2011 12:20:45 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2011/01/atlanta-is-a-miserable-sports-town-is-houston-worse/This may seem like another “kick ’em while they’re down” entry, but it is not. This is something Houston sports fans should embrace.

I say let’s step into the ring against all these wannabe losing sports cities and wear our non-championship belt proudly.

Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley, an otherwise fine gentleman I am sure, has the nerve, the gall, the absolute audacity to feel so tortured by a losing sports town that seeing Falcons fans exit a playoff game early led him to say to Atlanta sports fan “I feel your pain.”

I’m not saying Bradley is wrong for feeling that way. I mean he has spent almost 27 years in Atlanta and the city has enoyed just one championship (the Braves in 1995) in that time. Atlanta is a pitiful sports city.

But I can’t allow Bradley to bathe in his city’s sports misery as if Atlanta is the only town with dirty sports bath water.

Try Houston, Mark.

According to Bradley, Atlanta has one championship in 148 major sports seasons. Well, by Forbes’ count, Houston has four titles in 131 major sports seasons: the Rockets’ two NBA championships in 1994 and ’95 and the Oilers’ two AFC championships in 1960 and ’61.

On a side note: Hey Forbes, what the heck happened from 2008 to 2010 that improved Houston’s position in such a ranking? Was the Rockets win over Portland in the first round of the playoffs that special? Methinks not.

Anyway, do the Oilers’ championships in a fledgling league really count as a huge positive toward Houston’s ledger? I mean, they came 50 years ago in the first two years of a football league that had just eight teams and no playoffs. They won their four-team division then played a game for the championship.

For goodness sakes, Dwight D. Eisenhower was our nation’s President when they won the first title.

Sadly, however, Houston can’t run from the Oilers’ depressing legacy after the NFL-AFL merger, even though those sorry scoundrels have left this town for another.

Put it like this, the Oilers’ AFL championships are like two children your ex-wife had with another man when she was real young, before you even knew her. Stagger Lee and GBC (the Great Buffalo Collapse) are your children and always will be.

Don’t make me call Maury Povich.

Back to Bradley. Sorry Mark, Atlanta does not stand alone atop Mediocrity Mountain.

I contend Houston ranks ahead of (or is it below) Atlanta as a sad sports city. We may have better fans (translation: we’re front runners; Atlanta fans are pathetic), but our franchises haven’t necessarily been better.

The Braves have played in almost twice as many playoffs as the Astros (17-9), gone to 11 National League Championship Series and five World Series. The Astros were swept in their only World Series appearance and have lost in the NLCS three times.

The Falcons have gone to a Super Bowl. The Oilers and the Texans have not. Overall, the Falcons have been worse than Houston’s teams, but your Dirty Bird run to the Super Bowl tops the Luv Ya Blue days, because y’all actually kicked that you-know-what in.

In Bradley’s blog entry on Atlanta’s misery, he posted a clip of the Falcons’ falling apart against the Cowboys in losing a two-touchdown lead in the fourth quarter. That is mere child’s play compared to the run-and-shoot-yourselves-in the-foot Oilers, who in the aforementioned great collapse barfed up a 32-point lead against the Bills.

The Hawks … well, you got us there, Mark. Besides two championships the Rockets, Houston’s lone pride and glory, have two other trips to the NBA Finals. The Hawks have none.

The Thrashers have posted only three winning seasons in their first 10 years in the NHL. Well, at least you HAVE an NHL team. And if the Texans had done as well as the Thrashers as an expansion franchise, Houston couldn’t challenge Atlanta for the title of Gloomtown.

Houston is so desperate a sports town that this is the point where some sad Houstonian is subject to throw the Dynamo and the Comets on the table. I’m not going to embarrass the city with such talk.

• • •

Another thing must be emphasized. Bradley’s post stemmed from the Georgia Dome crowd’s reaction to a playoff loss.

From each category below, choose the collection of players you would prefer to have play in your city.

1. NFL

A.) Atlanta Falcons B.) Houston Texans

2. MLB

A.) Atlanta Braves B.) Houston Astros

3. NBA

A.) Atlanta Hawks B.) Houston Rockets

4. NHL

A.) Atlanta Thrashers B.) None

Yeah, A is for Atlanta. If you answered anything other than A, A, A and A, please remember that mental disorders are real and you don’t have to suffer alone. Seek help.

• • •

This is how it is in Houston these days. Almost all we’re left with are “how bad things are” arguments. But if we’re going to argue, by golly, we’re at least going to win those.

Near the end of the NFL regular season, I had a little debate on Denver radio with a couple of nice chaps who had the nerve to claim the Broncos had the league’s worst defense.

Yeah, I know, funny huh?

I tried to explain to them that at the time the only reason the Broncos were giving up more points than the Texans is Denver’s offense wasn’t as good, so opponents probably had more and better chances to score than Houston’s foes did.

Before the interview ended, I told them the fight would be decided that Sunday.

After Rev. Tebow laid hands on the Texans’ secondary, Mills Lane stepped into the ring and lifted my arm in victory.

And it is the same thing when it comes to which city is the more miserable sports city, Houston or Atlanta?

Houston wins! Houston wins! Houston wins!

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2011/01/atlanta-is-a-miserable-sports-town-is-houston-worse/feed/51Let’s count down the Houston sports year: 15 … 10 … 5http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/12/lets-count-down-the-houston-sports-year-15-10-5/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/12/lets-count-down-the-houston-sports-year-15-10-5/#commentsFri, 31 Dec 2010 18:46:22 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2010/12/lets-count-down-the-houston-sports-year-15-10-5/Here we are at the end of another wonderful sports year in the great City of Houston.

Can it get any better than this? Well, yeah, but let’s try to make the best of a bad situation.

Oh, I know some of you expect me to be negative all the time, but I have no problem looking on the bright side.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions, but I’ll do a New Year’s Eve resolution and vow not to say anything negative about the local sports teams until 2011.

You might believe that if I just think about Houston sports at all today I would break my resolution. I’m not worried.

I have a plan. I’ll see True Grit this afternoon and sleep in the early evening.

Then, when I count down to midnight, I won’t go the traditional 10, 9, 8 … etc., because standard reflection might be too challenging. We do have worthy No. 1s in Yates boys’ basketball and Pearland’s football squads’ drives to state titles, and TSU claiming the SWAC championship.

But what do I do about the big boys? Does Houston have anything positive to hang its hat on?

You betcha.

Forget the 10-to-1 countdown, I’m going to think happy thoughts of the glorious 15-10-5 our major professional teams provided us this past year and go into Auld Lang Syne imagining what greatness the future holds for the Big Three.

(And please, help me keep my resolution by not ending the year arguing whether the Dynamo make it a Big Four.)

Tonight, when my countdown gets to 15, I’ll be thinking about those wonderful Houston Astros.

Sweet 15, baby.

They posted their 15th worst record of all-time last summer and finished 15 games back in their division, but you just wait until those 15 kids (actually, it’s 13, but that’s an unlucky number) on the roster age 25-and-younger grow up … championship!

When my countdown gets to 10, I’ll be thinking about those “scrappy” Houston Rockets as Chris Bosh described them.

I always dreamed about covering a little scrappy basketball team. Who wants to cover those big tall, talented teams filled with superstars and championship dreams?

This year the 10-deep Rockets had one of the 10 worst seasons in franchise history, and finished 10 games further back in the division standings than they did in the previous two seasons combined, but Daryl Morey was just getting warmed up in those first two years, and when Yao gets back from, what, his 10th major injury … championship!

Those five years Houston went without an NFL team were like five years in prison. Well, not prison, but it wasn’t fun. Isn’t this so much better?

The Texans might once again be among the laughing stock of the NFL with just five wins, but think about it, this is only the Texans’ fifth double-digit loss season in franchise history, and they could get a top-five draft pick, and with the right choice … championship!

So, hold up a glass with me tonight 15 … 10 … 5 …

All together now: “Championships!”

See ya next year.

• • •

Only a few of you were upset at my Fan Appreciation Day column – my e-mail is running about 20-1 in favor of it — but if you are at all concered about my reaching next year without breaking the above resolution (why would you be?), stop, no STOP sending me e-mail saying Tom Landry didn’t do better than GaryKubiak in his first five years on the job.

Please, just let me get to next year before we go down that road.

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/12/lets-count-down-the-houston-sports-year-15-10-5/feed/15100 things you can do to make Houston a better sports townhttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/11/100-things-you-can-do-to-make-houston-a-better-sports-town/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/11/100-things-you-can-do-to-make-houston-a-better-sports-town/#commentsThu, 11 Nov 2010 12:09:32 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2010/11/100-things-you-can-do-to-make-houston-a-better-sports-town/The Texans are on the brink of a collapse, the Rockets are getting dusted every night, the Astros stink, UH can’t beat Rice in football and Rice can’t beat anybody else.

Sports-wise, things are so bad here these days that even the Dynamo — the lone title winner in these parts in recent years — finished next-to-last. (Not that many of you paid any attention.)

And don’t get me started on the fans.

Houston, aren’t you better than this?

• • •

Here is a message to owners, players, coaches, general managers, fans, media, loose nuts and random idiots. (Pick the category that fits — feel free to claim more than one — and latch onto any and all statements that apply to you. Don’t be afraid to share. Houston seems like that kind of place.)

100 things you can do to make Houston a better sports town:

• Stop embarrassing the City of Houston.

• Stop letting important players go because of a few George Washington’s.

• Stop blaming the media.

• Stop charging so much for beer.

• Stop drinking so much expensive beer.

• Stop finishing behind the Spurs.

• Stop being losers.

• Stop playing Brian Cushing out of position.

• Stop wasting good players’ good years.

• Stop blaming Mario Williams.

• Stop expecting the owner to trash his coach at midseason.

• Stop coming out at midseason saying everything is fine.

• Stop hiring inexperienced coaches to do the job.

• Stop bringing in macadamia-free players.

• Stop blaming David Carr.

• Stop trying to get Yao Ming to play more minutes.

• Stop ignoring the need for veteran depth.

• Stop bragging about being the deepest team in the league.

• Stop trading players after their value has hit rock bottom.

• Stop thinking there are more important statistics than wins and losses.

• Stop letting players leave town and become vital pieces of championship teams.

• Stop the Lakers.

• Stop blaming the BCS.

• Stop finishing behind the Mavericks.

• Stop forgetting that good pitching beats good hitting.

• Stop forgetting that any pitching beats woeful hitting.

• Stop trashing players after they leave town.

• Stop blaming Lance Berkman.

• Stop bowing before a GM until his team wins something, anything.

• Stop acting as if a non-playoff season can be a good season.

• Stop acting like you can’t find UH, TSU and Rice.

• Stop getting torched.

• Stop the Mavericks.

• Stop boring us to death.

• Stop losing to the Cowboys.

• Stop blaming your problems on youth.

• Stop depending on so many young players.

• Stop getting caught using steroids.

• Stop playing little guys against big guys.

• Stop hitting like little old ladies.

• Stop losing to Jacksonville.

• Stop being the worst (insert what you are here) in the state of Texas.

• Stop embarrassing the city of Houston.

Wait, did I already say that? OK, so that I don’t start to get repetitive, I’ll shut it down here.

But please, stop the insanity.

]]>http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/11/100-things-you-can-do-to-make-houston-a-better-sports-town/feed/75Only one question for Brett Favre: The King’s weekly NFL pickshttp://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/10/only-one-question-for-brett-favre-the-kings-weekly-nfl-picks/
http://blog.chron.com/sportsupdate/2010/10/only-one-question-for-brett-favre-the-kings-weekly-nfl-picks/#commentsFri, 22 Oct 2010 05:52:51 +0000http://blog.chron.com/jeromesolomon/2010/10/only-one-question-for-brett-favre-the-kings-weekly-nfl-picks/Why is it taking so long for the NFL to investigate the Brett Favre situation?

He had to have a face-to-face meeting with NFL Vice President of Security Milt Ahlerich? Why?

Cincinnati (2-3) plus-4 at Atlanta (4-3) — Since somebody brought up clothing-optional dancers, Mr. Make it Rain himself, Atlanta native Pac Man Jones, welcomed Colts’ punter Pat McAfee to the We’ve Embarrassed West Virginia University Club the other day. McAfee received a one-game suspension after being arrested for swimming shirtless in a canal at 5 a.m. in Indy. Try not to laugh at Comcast’s write-up on the police report — McAfee was asked whether he was swimming in the canal and answered “I am not sure.” When he was asked why he was wet, McAfee responded, “It was raining.” When he was asked where his shirt was, McAfee said, “In the water.” And when he was asked how much he had to drink, McAfee said: “A lot, cause I’m drunk.” Falcons 31-20

Jacksonville (3-3) plus-9 at Kansas City (3-2) — New York versus Dallas in a baseball playoff game drew fewer viewers than Tennessee versus Jacksonville in football. And some old fogeys don’t think MLB needs to rethink the way it does things. Chiefs 28-21

Philadelphia (4-2) plus-3 at Tennessee (4-2) — Speaking of Nashville, it was selected as the country’s No. 9 Pet Friendly City by Livability.com. (Insert your own joke about the attractiveness of the women there because I refuse to participate in such juvenile behavior, but I do understand the pet friendly designation. Should have ranked higher, I believe.) Titans 24-20

Washington (3-3) plus-2 1/2 at Chicago (4-2) — Bears’ linebacker Brian Urlacher said, “You know what we should do? We should just put flags on everybody. Let’s make it the NFFL — the National Flag Football League. It’s unbelievable.” Bears 24-21

Cleveland (1-5) plus-13 at New Orleans (4-2) — NBA bans shoe that increased leaping ability. Man, and we were starting to think David Andersen had a chance. Some of you thought Colt McCoy would need special assistance after getting crushed by the Steelers. Naw. He might this week, though. Saints 31-13

San Francisco (1-5) minus-3 at Carolina (0-5) — A Palms Casino’s DJ sent out this tweet about PGA Tour golfer and Shell Houston Open champion Anthony Kim earlier this week — “Anthony Kim is an animal 115 bottles then to top it off a 25k bottle of Dom, which he showered the dance floor with” … Kim, a noted partier, withdrew from this weekend’s tournament saying his surgically-repaired thumb was still bothering him. Wonder if he reinjured it holding his thump in the bottle of champagne to spray it on the crowd? 49ers 24-20

Buffalo (0-5) plus-13 at Baltimore (4-2) — The last time I was in Buffalo, it was almost impossible to find a college football game on a Saturday night because the Sabres were playing that night. Why the NFL business is better than the NHL business Part I: “Buying a hockey team is like buying a piece of art. You don’t do it to make a lot of money. You do it because you love it” — Matthew Hulsizer, on agreeing to purchase the Arizona Coyotes for $165M. Ravens 20-3

St. Louis (3-3) plus-2½ at Tampa Bay (3-2) — Why the NFL business is better than the NHL business Part II: Rick Stroud, of the St. Petersburg Times, says the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are last in the league in salary this season at $80 million, but the franchise will set a record for profits. Bucs 27-17

Arizona (3-2) plus-4 1/2 at Seattle (3-2) — The Professional Bowlers Association, which is located in Seattle, has instituted a replay system to make sure it gets calls right. Hear that MLB? Seahawks 28-20

New England (4-1) plus-3 at San Diego (2-4) — Justin Bieber is 16 and on every teen magazine cover, he just released an autobiography (I believe it is 16 pages long), he cracked on Tom Brady’s hair in a rap and the kid isn’t even American. The most amazing thing about all that is he tried to rap. Every time I start to like Canada, it does something like send a Bieber here. Chargers 31-30

Minnesota (2-3) plus-3 at Green Bay (3-3) — Are you still laughing at the scene from Porky’s? I am. Vikings 28-24

N.Y. Giants (4-2) plus-3 at Dallas (1-4) — Jimmy Kimmel dropped a funny one with his shot at the NFL for its new emphasis on hard hits by running a mock ad for a video titled “The NFL’s Greatest Missed Tackles.” My guess is Cliff Harris yelling “Ole! Ole!” as Earl Campbell ran past him on Thanksgiving Day in 1979 is featured in the video. Cowboys 31-23