Archive for Men’s Health

Responding to Domestic Violence is not working. It is costing our society millions upon millions of dollars and yet I am still observing the same types of policies being put forward by local government. Here is a recent scenario that is happening in BC where the government is responding to a “potentially preventable” scenario IF the man received appropriate support.

The West Coast Men’s Support Society is all about prevention. We offer programs to support men in living healthier lives in all ways; and by doing so, supporting their families, friends, and the community.

We believe that if we can provide boys and men with tools that would invite them down a different path than the “tough guy” approach, that so many of them have been taught, we would offer them a way out of violence and a way into compassion.

We believe in the path of the Mature Masculine/New Macho – a man who takes responsibility for his actions, is held accountable, and lives a life of integrity.

We would like to be able to work with government to develop new approaches to preventing domestic violence across the province through education of men vs. the blaming of men.

The West Coast Men’s Society knows that there is another way – a more cost effective and humane way to support men in BC and beyond. We hope that doors will open and people in positions of power will pay attention. Thanks for your time! Please contact us for more information on our programs.

How many of you are familiar with the concept of The Sibling Society? I have hyper linked the term with a page about Robert Bly’s book. The essence of Bly’s book is around our society being run by adolescent men – men who have literally not emotionally grown up. These are men who have not taken the path of spiritual and emotional maturity; but rather one that focuses on the bottom line in spite of everything else.

As British Columbia (BC)’s West Coast Men’s Support Society (WCMSS)- a place for men to come for support around their emotional health, we strongly support men in getting in touch with their mature masculinity. We are hopeful that men will become more aware of their emotional needs, losses, and where their emotional work lies.

We are also affiliated with British Columbia (BC)’s Mankind Project – an organization dedicated to changing the world one man at a time. The Mankind Project hopes to accomplish this by inviting men to gather together, and to witness one another going deeper and revealing their shadows – the part of ourselves that we hide, repress, and deny. It is a part of ourselves that typically comes out sideways because we are not connected with it. It quite often takes others to act as our mirror to bring up our shadowy parts. We then project these dark aspects of ourselves onto these people/mirrors. This is what we refer to as our “work” – our emotional work – we all have it.

The biggest challenge that we at The WCMSS find men have is simply ASKING FOR HELP. We find that men will look at themselves as failures if they ASK FOR HELP; and yet, if they do not, then they will be perpetually lost in their emotional unavailable state, and will be disconnected from everyone around them in a REAL way.

Therefore, in order for men to truly become mature masculine beings, it is crucial that they step out of their comfort zone and ASK FOR HELP. This will allow them to begin the journey along the path of spiritual and emotional maturity.

I just came across this article posted in Psych Central titled “The Rise of the Single Woman.” The author states that women have risen above men in many ways: education, longevity, and connectivity. There was an editorial written in the New York Times called “Men, Who Needs them?” My first reaction to this is: When are we going to come to an equilibrium? What is it going to take for women and men to be on the same page – to be in balance?

Our vision at The West Coast Men’s Support Society is “to support a community where men and women of all ages live with equality, equity and peaceful co-existence.” Because it is our belief that this will lead to a much more emotionally healthy community.

The article goes on to state that career women have never been happier. It talks about women raising children by themselves. What about men? The article continuously poses the question: Who needs men? I can confirm that children need men in their life. I will correct that statement, children need healthy men in their life.

This, to me is the big challenge that the world is facing: the media is constantly promoting unhealthy men. Men who are abusing their positions of power. Men who are speaking inappropriately about women. Men who want to destroy the world vs. supporting it. This is not the kind of man that we promote at West Coast Men’s Support Society.

I would invite readers of this blog to read The New Macho to gain an idea of the type of man that we want to emerge on our planet. A man who lives a life of integrity, takes responsibility, and is accountable for their words and actions. It is my hope that if this type of mature man arrives, then there will be no more need for the question: Who needs men.

I would invite you to contact us to learn more about our programs and the steps that we are taking in our community to support men in becoming The New Macho. Thanks for your time.

Fathers’ Rights Association of NY www.fathersrightsnys.comThe Fathers’ Rights Association seeks, through equal parenting rights, to ensure that children maintain a continuing, nurturing relationship with both parents after divorce or separation.

Innocent Dads – Falsely accused Fathers and their Legal Issues www.InnocentDads.org To inform Dads who have been falsely accused by their ex-spouses, of what options they have, what works, what does not work, and the difficult struggle they are about to partake.

I discussed the need for society to work towards an equilibrium between the support and understanding of women’s and men’s emotions.

I discussed the need for an understanding of the sacred masculine and how important this is.

I wanted to clarify that the need for a safe place for men to go to to seek help in no way minimizes the need for women’s centres – places for women to go for support. I am simply emphasizing that both genders require support – typically from their own gender in order to be safe and healthy.

I confirmed that we support men’s work across British Columbia – including: up and down Vancouver Island and the Okanagan. We are working to build connections in the Lower Mainland, the Kootenays, and in the northern regions of BC. We want to help men wherever they reside.

It is truly our hope that the new Men’s Centre at Simon Fraser will mark the beginning of a more balanced society – where both women’s and men’s emotional lives are being supported.

This is the cartoon that was published in SFU’s Peak publication when they published their article about the Men’s Centre. I submitted the following letter to their opinions email address in response to the cartoon:

Good Day,

I am trying to understand what you were hoping to achieve by publishing the above noted cartoon in your April 9, 2012 publication. The first thought that came to mind when I saw it was: “when are people – especially men going to take men’s emotional health seriously? If men cannot take their own emotional health seriously then how can women?” As the Executive Director of the West Coast Men’s Support Society, I want to reinforce to your publication and to your readers that there must be a balanced approach to men’s and women’s emotional needs in order for emotional safety to truly exist. For until men have taken a good look in the mirror and received the emotional support that they require (especially from other men), they will continue to wander the world as immature little boys – not having a clear grounded understanding of their needs as a human being. I truly hope that Men’s Centres continue to be formed across Canada and anywhere a Women’s Centre exists, in order for balance to be achieved. Thank you for your time.

“Terry Real asserts that depression is often overlooked and misunderstood to men. He disputes the conventional wisdom that the rate of depression in women is two to four times the rate of men. Depression is experienced and expressed differently in men and women. Depressed men don’t reach out for help in the same way that women do. Too often, men are reluctant to be too expressive of their feelings or too openly vulnerable. Depression is seen as unmanly and shameful. It carries a double stigma for men — that of a mental illness as well as femininity.

The depression that we most often see—or fail to see—in men is what Terry calls “covert” rather than “overt” depression. Where do we see this covert depression? In self medication, isolation and lashing out. Self-medication may be drinking, drugging, womanizing and even watching excessive amounts of television. Terry points out that some forms of self medication are tolerated by our culture so it is hard to get across that what these men are doing is stabilizing depression.

Lashing out can mean violence and domestic abuse. Untreated depression may be an integral part of many male batterers.”