Q&A for Teens: Lazy and Unmotivated

A lesson in alacrity from the Japanese.

I'm feeling lazy and unmotivated. I'm not sure what to do. I’d like to be more productive. Do you have any advice for me?

Lauren Roth's Answer

Do I ever have advice for you! It’s so perfect that I got your question now, because I just returned from a trip to Japan. And my advice is to train yourself, Japanese-style!

I didn’t see the new Karate Kid, but I saw the old one. In fact, the message of that film was so profound that my high school showed it to us for a school event. The message: you can train your brain and your body to be disciplined, focused, and capable. And a great way to do it is Japanese-style. Wax on! Wax off!

For those of you who didn’t see the film, listen to what I saw in Japan last week, and you’ll understand the mental and physical discipline I mean.

We took a series of car services to and from airports in Japan, as we traveled from city to city there. Each driver of the car service was the same: he would find us in the airport, escort us outside to the curb, wearing his proper, white button-down shirt, dark slacks, vest, and white gloves (!). Then he would say, “Please wait here a moment. I bring the car.” Then he would run to get the car, then gently lift and place each of our suitcases into the trunk. We tried to help with our bags, but he would just bow to us and smile, saying, “No, I do. I do. Thank you.”

Then he would drive sitting up straight, both hands on the wheel, quietly and gently and swiftly taking us to our destination. As my husband, the responsible worker that he is, said in amazement: "I don't think I've ever seen such a work ethic. In any country. Ever."

For a moment, let us compare those car service drivers in Japan to the car service driver we had in a certain other country. He presented as a lazy oaf, who communicated with a series of grunts, who threw our suitcases haphazardly and halfheartedly into his messy trunk, then drove with one hand slung over the wheel, one hand resting on the open window, listening to his loud music…

Now, get this: no porters or taxi drivers in Japan would accept tips. I was told about this by the flight attendants on our way there. And it was true! The attitude is: "This is my job, and I work responsibly and gladly." When I tried (numerous times) to extend generous tips, the response was always the same: bowing, smiling, hands up in denial, "No, thank you. No, thank you."

Everywhere I turned in Japan, I found the Japanese to be: responsible, decorous, industrious, calm, quiet, gentle, precise, organized, and spanking clean. And I absolutely believe these are all traits that can be cultivated and learned, not traits that are either inherently there or not. You can train yourself to become “more Japanese!”

Consider the training of Japanese children. Every day, Japanese children clean their school for half an hour. They have no janitors! They are responsible for cleaning their environs. Every day, they push back their desks and have a division of labor for sweeping the floors, scrubbing the floors, cleaning the bathrooms, dusting the shelves, putting away the books, cleaning the windows…. The Japanese are not afraid of work. And they are trained to contribute their efforts to the community.

The training children get is obvious all over the country: I have never, ever seen such clean cities. I even took a picture of the curb to show everyone how amazingly clean the streets were. There were no garbage cans anywhere on the streets or in public places. We asked numerous people about this, and they told us, “We take our garbage with us and deposit it at home.” Seriously, I could not find a speck of dust or dirt in the airports, in the subways, in the hotels, in the streets – and we were in many different cities and parts of cities! Even the open-air fish market was clean!

It’s all about training. Last year, a medical meeting took us to a certain foreign country. When we went to the tariff office to reclaim our sales tax expenditures, we found the door cordoned off, with a "Closed" sign hanging on it. The times in the "Open Hours" plate next to the door dictated that it should have been open, so we found an airport official & asked her when the office would open. She pulled away the cordon, and – lo and behold! – there was the tariff officer, reclining in his chair, smoking a cigarette, reading a book, his feet up on his desk and crossed at the ankles!!

That's not Japan. In Japan, I saw industrious men and women, quietly and conscientiously walking to work, briefcases in hand, posture erect.

If you act with alacrity, responsibility, industriousness, and decorum, your inner feelings, your motivations, will become full of alacrity, responsibility, industriousness, and decorum.

I visited a department store, and noticed worker after worker bowing at the waist upon exiting or entering a certain hallway. I asked someone (after taking many pictures of the bowing workers!) what they were doing, and they explained to me, “They are leaving or entering the public domain, so they turn and bow to the people before they exit or enter.” That’s decorum training. I want you to know – I have never been bowed at so many times in my life! Anyone who did anything for me bowed to me as I approached them and as I left them, from the hotel clerks to the street vendors to the airline security staff. That’s respect-for-others training.

Get Enough Rest

Another point for you, if you want to get into responsible, alacrity, productivity-mode: people don't do well when they’re tired. If you want to be at your “fighting best,” get enough rest. This lesson I learned not from the Japanese, but from myself and my own bad behavior!!

Here’s what happened: my husband told me I was being cranky and crabby. I responded very poorly, insisting that he was the one being unreasonable and difficult. (Sound familiar?) Then I went into our hotel room to get my sunglasses, said to myself, "Let me just sit down for a minute before I continue my touring," and proceeded to wake up sevenhours later (!!!) much less tired and much less cranky! The very first thing I did upon awakening was apologize immediately to my husband, telling him how right he had been.

If you're having a bad day, or having a bad interaction with those near and dear to you, or if you’re not feeling as productive as you would like to be, consider taking a nap! You might wake up a different person than you were when you went to sleep.

Diet and Exercise

One more point I noticed in Japan, and which might help you in your quest to be more productive and to feel less lazy, had to do with diet and exercise. In terms of their diet: instead of chocolates and candies for sale in the airports or on the streets, there were raw fish pieces for sale, some with a bit of rice and aduki beans, with shredded cabbage and carrots on the side. They don’t eat or drink on the street. They will sit in, for example, Starbucks, drink their small cups of tea there, then bow to the server and leave. Needless to say, the vast majority of Japanese people were thin and trim. I saw many elderly people walking sprightly along the street. In terms of their exercise: most of the Japanese I saw propelled their lean frames forward efficiently with completely erect posture. Some older Japanese people walked stooped, but most were spry and agile, even though their faces showed advanced age.

If we, too, would eat very little, stay calm, work consistently, stand straight, walk briskly, and eat fish and beans and unsweetened tea instead of chocolate, candy, and heavily sweetened coffee, we would probably age well, and have lots of extra energy along the way.

You ask how to feel more motivated and less lazy? As it says in Ethics of the Fathers, “Who is wise? The person who learns from everyone.” In this case, we would be wise to learn from the Japanese! Our sages teach that “outer actions create an inner feeling.” You can train yourself. If you act with alacrity, responsibility, industriousness, and decorum, your inner feelings, your motivations, will become full of alacrity, responsibility, industriousness, and decorum.

So: get a good night’s sleep. Clean and organize your workspace. Dress professionally. Sit up straight. Walk briskly. Respect the people around you.… Train the “laziness” right out of you, and the serene, calm, alacrity right into you.

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Visitor Comments: 12

(9)
Nancy,
February 14, 2014 7:47 PM

When I feel overwhelmed by certain tasks, I run the risk of getting nothing accomplished. To counter the feelings of helplessness, I set a timer for a small block of time. During that limited time period I work on achieving a specific goal. Here is an example of what I mean. I just started learning how to read Hebrew. Obviously I am not going to become an expert Hebrew reader in one day. Upon the advice of my teacher, I have been setting a timer for 10 minutes every day so that I can practice reading the Hebrew letters aloud, I know that with practice and patience I will become a good reader in time. Setting the timer as I do helps me to focus. Btw--Scot, you made me laugh when you said you were the champion at watching paint dry! :-) Good Shabbos everyone.

(8)
scott,
August 28, 2013 11:00 AM

Be productive. It's that simple

If you want to do more. Do more. If you want to be productive start doing things. There was a line from one of my favorite movies-My Blue Heaven with Steve Martin. The main character turns to the straight man and says something like"I know you don't want to change. Change is hard. Sometimes you have to start with the outside." The external is a good push start

Sometimes recruiting your motivation externally is the only way to start. I am 45 years old and I could win the world championship of watching paint dry. Lazy is an understatement. Ask my wife. In order to overcome my aversion to productivity, when started my business I made a point to schedule the first meeting of the morning before 9AM every day. In college I always had a 9AM class and then I tried to find a 4 or 5 PM class. Why? To force me to get up or get in trouble with the prof and then stay on campus all day. Since I wasn't rich the only thing I could really afford to do on campus was to study. (This was before the hand held gaming looser industry took over the world. If we had gameboys I'd probably being making fast food today instead of owning the stores. Everyone...please smash your kids game consoles against the wall immediately. It's worse than smoking pot. Seriously.)

Commit to other people to do things for them and even better with them. Group projects. Study groups. A talmud study partner or daily minyan. Part time jobs. And then see your life change as you get busier. See you feel good about getting things done and the respect you earn as a busy guy and then you'll get addicted to it.

You'll push start your internal motivation like I used to do with my ten year old celica. That car made 240,000 miles before I sold it...probably still going. Just needed a push once in a while to get moving.

It does work.

(7)
Rachel,
July 24, 2013 6:14 PM

Perhaps Japanese service workers are paid better

In the U.S., service workers' main source of income is from tips, not salary. For example, the U.S. federal minimum wage for restaurant workers is $2-3 because it is assumed that tips will increase their pay to the range of minimum wage (roughly $8) for workers in businesses where there is no tipping. In much of western Europe, it is acceptable to leave no tip or a bit of spare change because waiters, cab drivers, etc are reasonably well paid. I have never been to Japan, but I would imagine it's a similar situation there.Meanwhile, if you're eating in a restaurant in the U.S., or riding in a cab, or getting your hair cut, or staying in a hotel, please be sure to tip reasonably (for restaurant servers, this should be about 20% of the bill). My daughter is in college and depends on her tips to pay buy food and books.

(6)
Russell,
July 23, 2013 9:03 PM

lack of motivation

You can not feel enthusicistic if you are in a low level menial position. How can you expect a person who is doing menial work with low pay to feel motivated? Why shoud they after all they are doing the dirty work? One can only have a sence of pride if they are in a dignified professional position and getting paid acordingly

Danica,
July 24, 2013 9:22 AM

The message of the Story

My understanding of the story is that even the taxi driver works with integrity. Everyone cleans up, so cleaning is not menial. The problem lies in our culture's denigration of certain jobs and the people who do them. Not making a living wage is a problem. Our reactions are a personal choice and we can honor ourselves for an honest day's work. I recommend Viktor Frankel's book, Man's Search for Meaning. B'shalom.

Pauline,
August 1, 2013 7:27 PM

Russell, I feel differently than you regarding respect & pride.

No matter what job I've had, I always did my best, and beyond the call of duty, so to speak. When I baby sat, when I worked in a fast food chain place, when I worked as a sales lady, a bookkeeper, and later as an accountant. Anyone that does there best to do all the good they can for the people and place they work, can feel pride and hold their head high, no matter how "low" their job is. And anyone that doesn't take pride in the quality of work they do, regardless of how "high" a position or job they have, loses my respect and trust in them. To your way of logic, people should disrespect someone that cleans the toilet beautifully, and respect a surgeon regardless of how filthy or careless he may be...just because of their job title. That does not make sense to me. If one doesn't like their work, or feels it's not worth the pay, then they should do themselves and others the favor of moving on to working toward doing work they feel will matter. It's all in your head anyway (subjective), as to what's menial. Some may consider being a garbage man menial. However, the work they do, may be more important than a doctors. They probably do more in preventing disease and distress to one's society than doctors could fix/heal without them. Without garbage men to take away the trash, disease would be beyond belief. Everyone and every job can provide a value to someone or many, and be a source of pride. And by the way, no one has to do more of the "dirty" work at a place of business than the boss (owner). The buck stops with him/her. Nothing that needs to be done is beneath them. That's the difference between a successful entrepreneur and an unsuccessful one. One just looks at stuff needed to be done, and does it. The one with an attitude of it's beneath me, has a problem, and will probably soon fail (lose his business).

(5)
Anna,
July 23, 2013 9:00 PM

I haven't been to Japan but i have taught Japanese school pupils here-and they were very far from industrious, polite and the rest. The attitude of two of them to a Chinese teacher was appalling-when I told them to show her some respect their attitude was a baffled 'but she's Chinese !' as if that explained why she was undeserving of any kind of respect or politeness. Japanese people are not clones any more than people anywhere are. I have seen Japanese comic books and magazines that are utterly gross; a friend was really angry when some Japanese home-stay guests brought magazines in, as he had made it a house rule that these were not to be in his house where unsuspecting people like me would see them !

We don't have tips in New Zealand, either !

(4)
Anonymous,
July 23, 2013 6:05 PM

"If we, too, would eat very little..." Although I'm sure it was not intended, I think this line can be tragically misunderstood in a society that is plagued eating disorders. {Perhaps, instead of publishing this comment, please forward to Mrs. Roth - maybe she can make a clarification in future articles.}

(3)
Natalia,
July 23, 2013 5:25 PM

I´ll watch karate kid, thank you for the article!

I´ll watch karate kid now, thank you for the article!

(2)
Anonymous,
July 23, 2013 5:11 PM

great article

While there are obviously exceptions you've nailed it. Wouldn't it be nice to return to the good old days where people were friendlier, trusting, and hard working?

(1)
Anonymous,
July 23, 2013 11:25 AM

Your trip to Japan sounded fantastic! However, there are many details missing in this young person's letter to you. Perhaps he/she has an undiagnosed medical problem. Maybe there is some clinical depression going on. There might also be some family stress occurring. It isn't enough to simply tell this letter writer to emulate Japanese people. If this young person were clinically depressed, would you tell him/her to "snap out of it?" I hope not! Btw--I too have my LMSW degree. Please think seriously about what I have said. Thank you.

I'm told that it's a mitzvah to become intoxicated on Purim. This puzzles me, because to my understanding, it is not considered a good thing to become intoxicated, period.

One of the characteristics of the at-risk youth is their use of drugs, including alcohol. In my experience, getting drunk doesn't reveal secrets. It makes people act stupid and irresponsible, doing things they would never do if they were sober. Also, I know a lot about the horrible health effects of abusing alcohol, because I work at a research center that focuses on addiction and substance abuse.

Also, I am an alcoholic, which means that if I drink, very bad things happen. I have not had a drink in 22 years, and I have no intention of starting now. Surely there must be instances where a person is excused from the obligation to drink. I don't see how Judaism could ever promote the idea of getting drunk. It just doesn't seem right.

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

Putting aside for a moment all the spiritual and philosophical reasons for getting drunk on Purim, this remains an issue of common sense. Of course, teenagers should be warned of the dangers of acute alcohol ingestion. Of course, nobody should drink and drive. Of course, nobody should become so drunk to the point of negligence in performing mitzvot. And of course, a recovering alcoholic should not partake of alcohol on Purim.

Indeed, the Code of Jewish Law explicitly says that if one suspects the drinking may affect him negatively, then he should NOT drink.

Getting drunk on Purim is actually one of the most difficult mitzvot to do correctly. A person should only drink if it will lead to positive spiritual results - e.g. under the loosening affect of the alcohol, greater awareness will surface of the love for God and Torah found deep in the heart. (Perhaps if we were on a higher spiritual level, we wouldn't need to get drunk!)

Yet the Talmud still speaks of an obligation on Purim of "not knowing the difference between Blessed is Mordechai and Cursed is Haman." How then should a person who doesn't drink get the point of “not knowing”? Simple - just go to sleep! (Rama - OC 695:2)

All this applies to individuals. But the question remains - does drinking on Purim adversely affect the collective social health of the Jewish community?

The aversion to alcoholism is engrained into Jewish consciousness from a number of Biblical and Talmudic sources. There are the rebuking words of prophets - Isaiah 28:1, Hosea 3:1 with Rashi, and Amos 6:6, and the Zohar says that "The wicked stray after wine" (Midrash Ne'alam Parshat Vayera).

It is well known that the rate of alcoholism among Jews has historically been very low. Numerous medical, psychological and sociological studies have confirmed this. The connection between Judaism and sobriety is so evident, that the following conversation is reported by Lawrence Kelemen in "Permission to Receive":

When Dr. Mark Keller, editor of the Quarterly Journal of Studies on Alcohol, commented that "practically all Jews do drink, and yet all the world knows that Jews hardly ever become alcoholics," his colleague, Dr. Howard Haggard, director of Yale's Laboratory of Applied Physiology, jokingly proposed converting alcoholics to the Jewish religion in order to immerse them in a culture with healthy attitudes toward drinking!

Perhaps we could suggest that it is precisely because of the use of alcohol in traditional ceremonies (Kiddush, Bris, Purim, etc.), that Jews experience such low rates of alcoholism. This ceremonial usage may actually act like an inoculation - i.e. injecting a safe amount that keeps the disease away.

Of course, as we said earlier, all this needs to be monitored with good common sense. Yet in my personal experience - having been in the company of Torah scholars who were totally drunk on Purim - they acted with extreme gentleness and joy. Amid the Jewish songs and beautiful words of Torah, every year the event is, for me, very special.

Adar 12 marks the dedication of Herod's renovations on the second Holy Temple in Jerusalem in 11 BCE. Herod was king of Judea in the first century BCE who constructed grand projects like the fortresses at Masada and Herodium, the city of Caesarea, and fortifications around the old city of Jerusalem. The most ambitious of Herod's projects was the re-building of the Temple, which was in disrepair after standing over 300 years. Herod's renovations included a huge man-made platform that remains today the largest man-made platform in the world. It took 10,000 men 10 years just to build the retaining walls around the Temple Mount; the Western Wall that we know today is part of that retaining wall. The Temple itself was a phenomenal site, covered in gold and marble. As the Talmud says, "He who has not seen Herod's building, has never in his life seen a truly grand building."

Some people gauge the value of themselves by what they own. But in reality, the entire concept of ownership of possessions is based on an illusion. When you obtain a material object, it does not become part of you. Ownership is merely your right to use specific objects whenever you wish.

How unfortunate is the person who has an ambition to cleave to something impossible to cleave to! Such a person will not obtain what he desires and will experience suffering.

Fortunate is the person whose ambition it is to acquire personal growth that is independent of external factors. Such a person will lead a happy and rewarding life.

With exercising patience you could have saved yourself 400 zuzim (Berachos 20a).

This Talmudic proverb arose from a case where someone was fined 400 zuzim because he acted in undue haste and insulted some one.

I was once pulling into a parking lot. Since I was a bit late for an important appointment, I was terribly annoyed that the lead car in the procession was creeping at a snail's pace. The driver immediately in front of me was showing his impatience by sounding his horn. In my aggravation, I wanted to join him, but I saw no real purpose in adding to the cacophony.

When the lead driver finally pulled into a parking space, I saw a wheelchair symbol on his rear license plate. He was handicapped and was obviously in need of the nearest parking space. I felt bad that I had harbored such hostile feelings about him, but was gratified that I had not sounded my horn, because then I would really have felt guilty for my lack of consideration.

This incident has helped me to delay my reactions to other frustrating situations until I have more time to evaluate all the circumstances. My motives do not stem from lofty principles, but from my desire to avoid having to feel guilt and remorse for having been foolish or inconsiderate.

Today I shall...

try to withhold impulsive reaction, bearing in mind that a hasty act performed without full knowledge of all the circumstances may cause me much distress.

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