Fighting evil. Okay, for reals on this one. Y'all need to understand. The evil? It isn't safe. And if you don't leave the evil-handling to the professionals, you might get hurt. It's, like, what they do.

Fine, you say, but isn't Paul Burns a role model? Shouldn't I do my best to imitate him? If I can't fight evil, ponder philosophy, or carp-clobber somebody, what can I do?