What to Do When Your Partner Double-Taps Someone Else's Butt Pic?

We live in a strange and thrilling time, when anyone with a smartphone and a decent data package can have unparalleled access to images of sexy people. And we're not talking about the sexy people of professional porn; we're talking about the swell of modern day Instagram pinups whose primary occupation is posting a flattering bikini shot. How do women in monogamous relationships navigate the jealousy that may accompany this complicated new terrain, a terrain where their partners "like" Emily Ratajkowski’s butt on Instagram with impunity? I spoke to 10 different women to figure out how they approach their partners' public displays of horniness.

The (No More) Blurred Lines Strategy

"My boyfriend is definitely more obsessed with following all his sport teams and every athlete in L.A. (an issue for another time), but we've had the social media talk about questionable Instagram model accounts as well. At first, I tried to be a 'chill' partner who feels secure enough to not care about a few sexy model accounts here and there, but honestly I wasn't fooling anyone. I didn't want to be controlling, but I let him know it bothered me. I asked him to use his best judgement and unfollow any and all accounts he thought would make me uncomfortable—because if you have to ask, you obviously know the answer. It may have seemed a little extreme, but being upfront and eliminating the grey area (the blurred lines, if you will) around Instagram has worked for us!” — Quinsi, in a relationship for four years

The Keep Your Friends Close And Your Enemies... Strategy

"My partner doesn't know what Instagram models are and if he did he'd probably love them. (I'm kidding.) He does follow all (and I really mean all) of his exes on Instagram, and I feel like this should bother me, but miraculously it doesn't. I guess I think the fantasy of someone is so much more threatening than the reality of them. If he broke up with x woman because she was obsessed with school status and maniacal about eating clean, welp, guess what, she still is. You know what they say! Keep your friends close and your enemies...on your partner's Instagram feed." — Hannah, in a relationship for six years

The Don’t Be A Lemming Strategy

“When I notice my girlfriend looking at other girls on Instagram it doesn’t bother me any more than when it happens in real life. Accepting my partner’s attraction to other human beings as a normal physical instinct and not a threat to our bond is an important part of our relationship. If I feel distant or jealous, which of course happens, my solution is to get off our phones and spend real time together. Jealousy for me is typically a manifestation of feelings of distance from her, which in turn weakens my trust in her. Instead of trying to control her feed as a reaction, which would only create more distance between us, I’d rather spend real time together. Especially physically, the most intense forms being naked or doing yoga. For me feelings of physical connection reinforce our emotional connection. I find technology and platforms like Instagram actually are often the reason for the feelings of physical distance between us and ourselves, and therefore us and each other, which breeds jealousy. The platform is part of the cause, not a symptom.." — Steph, in a relationship for one year

The Umbrella Strategy

"It’s not my boyfriend liking other women that offends me—after all, in the immortal words of the Bloodhound Gang, 'You and me, baby, ain't nothin' but mammals'—it’s him looking at women who I have nothing in common with that rubs me the wrong way. It’s easier to pass off attraction when I can feel like all roads lead back to me. To make life easier on my boyfriend and me, I developed The Umbrella Theory: My boyfriend can follow, like, lust, whatever, anyone so long as they fall under the umbrella. The umbrella consists of a wide range of shades, interests and talents, but they all have to have some correlation back to moi. It’s not race-driven: the umbrella has room for women who look like me, as well as those with relevant interests. Cool girls who like to cook: under the umbrella. Dancers: under the umbrella. Problematic white women and culture vultures: left out in the cold." — Chloe, in a relationship for six years

The Luddite Strategy

"My partner doesn’t have Instagram so it’s really more confusing / disturbing to HIM why I follow Instagram models/fitspo girls. Occasionally he’ll look over and stare when such a woman comes across my screen, but I find it to be no more harmful than watching Big Little Lies together and being mutually obsessed with Zoe Kravitz." — Mia, in a relationship for three years

The Snide Comment Strategy

"My boyfriend used to follow one pretty famous Instagram model and I made him unfollow her one day but I think he followed her again. I don't think he follows many though, thank God. Obviously I don't like it! I try not to be too controlling but if I see it on his feed I'll make a snide comment." — Anonymous, in a relationship for one year

The Follow for Follow Strategy

"I follow the same Instagram models my boyfriend does, too. It only bothers me when his friends DM him pictures of naked girls." - Anonymous, in a relationship for one year

The "Make Instagram's Algorithms Work For You" Strategy

"When I wanted to prevent my beloved husband from being tempted to look at the throngs of hot Insta models, I took matters into my own hands. I found that if you log onto his account and follow, say, 10-20 cat Instagram accounts, then Insta's algorithms will take notice. Now when it recommends people for him to follow or suggests "accounts he might like," no longer is he served up a bevy of beautiful women. Instead his feed is filled with felines. Voila . — problem solved. Bonus: the algorithm never forgets — even after he unfollowed the accounts. Six months later and his feed is still brimming with kitties. Any non-threatening topic will do — food, cats, engagement rings..." — Shelby, married for one year and six months

The Censorship Strategy

"I don't let my boyfriend follow any. I'll be real. I have his passcode and search through his phone when he's in the shower. I also mute stories of all pretty girls. #modernlove" — Vivian, in a relationship for five years

The One and Done Strategy

"My boyfriend gets exactly one (1) professional Insta model follow. I don't care if he follows mainstream models like EmRata or Gigi Hadid, but if it's a girl who has like less than 10k followers and is only posting extremely flattering pics of herself in a bikini? That counts as his one Insta model follow. We honestly came up with the 'strategy' in a joking way at the beginning of our relationship, and we still laugh about it. I don't think I would actually care if I found out he followed more than one....OR WOULD I?" — Anonymous, in a relationship for four years

A Part of Hearst Digital Media
ELLE participates in various affiliate marketing programs, which means we may get paid commissions on editorially chosen products purchased through our links to retailer sites.