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Holding a grudge long term is an unhealthy way to live. It consumes your thinking, prevents you from feeling you can let go of the past and can stunt your enjoyment of the future.

Steps

1

Realize foremost that, as human beings, we all tend to make mistakes in life, both big and small. Nobody is perfect and nobody can be certain that they won't make mistakes, even in the things they're very good at doing. Indeed, to hold others to a very high standard is to hold yourself to the same very high standard, which is a recipe for failure at some point and possible deep depression and a sense of futility. Understand that there are times in life when making mistakes, saying things out of turn, doing things that don't reflect the best of us, simply happens. Understanding this will help you to cope better when people knowingly or unknowingly hurt you.

2

Be aware that most people who make mistakes feel some sense of remorse or conscience twinge about what they've done. However, some people will cover these feelings in defensiveness, for various reasons, and it is possible to make them even less contrite by continuously going on at them about the wrongs they've done. After all, think about whether you'd like to constantly be reminded that you'd done something that negatively impacted your morals, integrity, career and lifestyle? It gets stale after a time and no longer serves any constructive purpose.

If a person is negatively labeled for too long by another person, they may feel that they might as well live up to that label and keep on being the challenging person that they feel boxed into. This is an important reason to let go of a grudge, before your negative opinion of that person becomes a fact in relation to you, because they cannot see any other way of interacting with you.

3

Seek to understand why the person behaved the way that they did. Look into their situation, both past and present, to try to understand the root cause of their problematic behaviour. Being in their shoes and looking at the action, words or occurrence from their point of view will help you to understand their situation better. In turn, this may give you a clearer picture of their erratic behaviour or deed.

Understanding the person's psychological reasons, background, and so forth, can give a glimpse into their situation, and their behaviour. It will also help to explain why their action hurt everyone, especially the people who love them. Sometimes it is easier to lash out at those who love us, precisely because the person knows which buttons to press for greatest effect.

4

Forgive those people who hurt you. Though it might sound difficult, it is possible and it is good for you. Practice forgiving others, and you will find life feels easier, freer and more fulfilling. You are the embodiment of your thoughts––thoughts that you create affect your mind and body, and in turn, your relations with others and the entire universe. Your well being comes from holding healthy thoughts and letting go of negative past actions that bring you down.

It may seem strange to create positive thoughts for someone who has done bad or harm to you or cheated you. But the reality is that you let go of a grudge for your own self, and your own good––you let go the past, the bad memory, bad feelings, and once you let go, you are free from them, and can move on with your life, and learn to live happily again.

5

Keep in mind that life is too short to hold on to bad memories and thoughts that create pain. When reliving the past again and again and again, you tend to open the dark chapters of your life––sorrow, hatred, deceives, and failures––and keep reliving them. Say no to such negative and bad thoughts, stop creating this negative whirlpool for yourself. Remember that you are the creator of your thoughts and you choose which memories to elevate.

Practice meditation in morning; it can be calming and have positive effects on your mind and body.

6

Create happy and positive thoughts for your own well being. Don't nurture negative thoughts which affect your mental state and your physical well being. The most ironic and cruel thing about holding a grudge is that if you do so for too long, it can cause illness and diseases in your body, through the bitterness and anger you've keep alive. Learn to observe and control your thoughts, to see what kind of thoughts you are creating. If any negative thoughts come, immediately change them to ones that are neutral or even positive. Reorienting the story that you tell yourself about a situation and people can help you to live a healthy, happy and long life––a life full of positivity, good health, vitality, and vigour.

7

Realize that you have a choice of living in the past and creating sad and bad memories. Or, you can choose to live in a life full of happiness, positivity, and good health, with a healthy mind. Create a beautiful world once again for yourself, full of love, happiness, peace, unity and tranquility. Let go. That grudge isn't worth your life.

Community Q&A

Tips

If you have trouble letting go of negative thoughts about something that has happened to you, it might be a good idea to talk this over with someone else, such as a therapist or counselor, or a trusted good friend who has a mature and stable outlook on life.

Article Info

wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. To create this article, volunteer authors worked to edit and improve it over time. This article has also been viewed 2,659 times.