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Attachment

Hi All,
Can anyone offer advice on LO's being extremely "needy"? DS lately wants to nurse constantly, be held constantly and wants to be able to see me constantly. Even when DH is holding him, if I walk out of the room he gets fussy but as soon as I come back in, he's fine. Is this normal? A lot of people say I'm "spoiling" him because even at the first sign of a fuss I pick him up. I am not one for the CIO style. Are there any other moms out there going through this?
Oh, DS is 15 weeks tomorrow
Thanks!

Re: Attachment

Yes, No, Yes.

I was going to say not right now to the last one, but my 15 month old has been whining a lot today.

What you are doing when you are "spoiling" him is you are telling him that you are there for him and will be there for him. I believe that is what we want for our kiddos. Under the age of one almost all babies prefer Mom. My husband is a SAHD and yet when I am home the baby clearly prefers me, even when he is not looking to nurse.

My understanding is by "giving in" to their neediness you are, in the long run, making them more secure because you have shown yourself to be trustworthy. That being said, it is hard sometimes when it seems like you never can get any alone time. Things will change, especially as your LO learns new skills and can play more.

Re: Attachment

Being attached to mom is 100% normal for young babies. It's not something you're "doing" to your baby, and it certainly isn't "spoiling" him. When it comes to advice about your parenting style, remember that advice is like armpits: everyone has some, and it usually stinks. So feel free to ignore, or to brush off unwanted comments with a breezy "You think so? I'm glad that worked for you. If I want more advice on that, I'll know who to ask. Now, let's talk about something else."

Re: Attachment

This is totally normal, your baby acts attached to you because he is attached to you which is entirely appropriate and healthy. He will develop independence in his own time, and the evidence shows that secure attachments in infanthood lead to more confidence and independence later, not less.

The idea that picking babies when they fuss "spoils" them was debunked long ago, even very mainstream pediatricians and child development experts no longer suggest that sad idea. Unfortunately, some earlier generations were admonished with this warning by so-called experts.

Trust your instincts. You know what is best for your baby. For backup, I suggest the books The Baby Book (William and Martha Sears) and/or The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding (8th edition)

Re: Attachment

Thanks everyone :] I know what I'm doing is the right thing for my baby but it's always reassuring to hear it from other mommies. Especially when you don't get support from your family.

I do have an Ergo carrier but he only likes it sometimes. It's a hit or miss. I'm on the hunt for another type of carrier that maybe he'll enjoy more. He's very attentive and loves to look around. These are the times he's isn't to fond of the ergo because he can't see out very well.

Re: Attachment

Aw, your baby is so young! That is so very normal at that age. You can't spoil a three month old baby no matter what. Mine clung to me most of his infancy. He went through a daddy is awesome phase around 12 months, then started clinging to me again after a few weeks, then just recently he has started literally pushing me out of the way to get over to daddy. Or to get to grandpa. Or to get to the neighbor. Or to get to that cute teenage girl walking down the street. Seriously, he loves making friends with everyone. Clearly my "spoiling" him by not letting him cry by himself has not interfered with his independence. Of course every baby has their own personal disposition, but I think that attentive parenting provides every baby with the security and confidence to do and to be whatever suits their own disposition best.

Re: Attachment

I didn't have the Ergo until mine was a little older, but he has always loved getting backpacked around since we got it. He sits a little higher on my back and it seems to be a better vantage point for looking around back there.

Re: Attachment

We have a Maya wrap that I carry our LO in a side/hip position. She loves to look out too. The back can come up to her neck and she is well supported. We love that thing and I carry her everywhere in it...hands free!