Archive for April, 2011

Expect a few bumps in the road even though it is a lovely month full of flowers and warmer weather. Uranus (unexpected) is next to Lilith (shadows) and that can bring up some unusual behaviors in people. Because they are in the sign of Aries, look for brash and rash behaviors to come out of nowhere. We are feeling the deep pull of Pluto retrograde till 9/16/11. What this will allow you to do is mull over what the lessons from Pluto are-that you can regenerate from anything if you are willing to put in the work. There is a nice infusion of planets in Taurus this month that feels a little indulgent even lazy at times and we all deserve that once in a while. Take advantage of the strength that Jupiter (abundance) and Mars (power) are giving you the first half of the month. For all there is an awakening happening and that is the Neptune into Pisces for many years to come. Don’t fight that, let go of what you can, and embrace the future of a kinder and more inclusive planet. It starts with each of us, no kindness is too small to effect change. Think kind thoughts for the world and all of it’s peoples.

Because this was a Super Moon, it will be affecting us for months to come. Full Moon’s increase our emotional depth and open us up to greater experience.
“The next two weeks offer us opportunities to see a clear (if indirect) path to fulfillment and greater connected compassion. Follow your feelings into ideas and visions, and then get more information before you decide or act. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, don’t get lost in discouraging, limiting, or pessimistic atmospheres, and say goodbye to old local conditions.

Continue to break free of old rules, limitations, fears, and “shoulds.” Keep letting go of being seduced or distracted by dire visions, false equivalencies, skewed senses of perception or proportion, or a senseless defeatism. Be creative, be determined, take the first step and keep walking the way into a new life, and keep anticipating a freer, more playful life to come.

Let go of perceptions and relationships that divert you from the ideals and visions you really care about. As with past weeks, the coming two weeks are about clarity and compassion, repair work and new openings, and seeing your unique qualities that the world can recognize and reward consistently.

Accept the endings, accept the rewards, accept the new identity, accept what you can do, and accept what you cannot influence. There are greater possibilities ahead than we may have suspected, or as the English Bard so aptly put it, “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamt of in your philosophy….”

Another Super Full Moon and time to enjoy it in lovely Libra. There is still all that pressure from so many planets in take charge Aries, and you might feel a little pulled from that opposition, however, you create your reality and you get to say when enough is enough. Libra is quite social and this would be a good time to contact some people you like that you haven’t seen for a while. The Mercury retrograde (over 4/23-phew!) supports re-visiting, re-doing, re-focusing and all the “re” words. So, during this Full Moon, relax and re-kindle whatever your heart desires. Make it a refreshing day that fills your soul.

April heralds one of the big events of 2011, and that is the entrance of Neptune into the sign it rules, Pisces, to stay until 2025. During this time we will see a surge of energy that will change the way we view spirituality and our place in all of that. This month also sees a thick cluster of Aries (Initiator) energy in 8 heavenly bodies: Sun (source), Moon (emotions), Mercury (mind), Venus (loves), Mars (force), Jupiter (philosophies), Uranus (unexpected jolts) and Lilith the Dark Moon (deep shadows). It’s a powerful month in a powerful year. Last month when Uranus went into Aries on the 11th, Japan and our world were rocked in an unexpected way that shifted our axis and leveled a way of life for many people.

This will be a month of major awakenings for most; a time of increased belief in ourselves and setting about to manifest our dreams. It’s a strong month and you need to be well fed and rested to handle some of this energy. It is an exciting time that we live in and change is all around. As a very wise man once said…………”Be the change you seek.”
Go to http://www.expedoodle.com to check on your sign for April……check your rising sign too and if you don’t know what that is, just ask me!

In an extraordinary step, the Masters of the Universe have canceled Sunday’s Aries New Moon. “It seems like a big deal to you, but it’s pretty much nothing for us. We took a look at the front page of The New York Times and thought the better of it,” said one of the Masters, who with his colleagues has presided over the Earth for the past 6,500 years.

Artists’s impression of the Aries New Moon that almost happened Sunday, but was canceled due to danger.
“Frankly, it was a really bad idea to schedule this New Moon for right now,” the Master continued, speaking on the condition of anonymity. He said he had consulted his longtime personal astrologer, Flo Higgins of Rumson, N.J., before making the decision. He added, “We thought you would have some fun with it, but obviously not the way things are going now. What a mess.”

The potentially dangerous combination of influences involves a New Moon combined with the Jupiter-Saturn opposition, at the same time that Mars is exactly conjunct Uranus right on the Aries Point. “That’s just buggered, especially with those Japanese nuclear power plants and a few thousand tons of spent fuel still on the brink of turning to plutonium soup,” he added.

“Plus, Mercury is retrograde,” Flo Higgins said.

A spokesperson for ascended master Sanat Kumara, reached on the outskirts of Shamballa where he was recreating with the Lords of Karma, said yesterday that, “It would have been a fantastic opportunity if you guys had a faint clue how to hang loose. We’ve never seen people so freaked out, and this is the 14th time we’ve observed the evolution of humanity. I know you’re thinking, ‘the world is so messed up, how can I relax?’, but consider this. You’re not going to make any progress till you have your wits about you. Half of you don’t even know you’re alive.”

Sources close to the decision noted that currently there are a number of people on Earth who are trying to destroy the planet who would not have responded well to the New Moon, despite the fact that it was supposed to be conjunct Jupiter. The polarization of the Jupiter-Saturn opposition — the two largest planets opposite one another, with the Earth in the middle — plus Mars and Uranus lining up, was clearly a recipe for planetary psychosis.

Short on leads for this article, last night I went on a reporting mission to Club 55 on K Street in Washington, DC., looking for my friend Marvin, who is an energy lobbyist. The last time I was there, he gave me an earful about why we need to get rid of daylight savings time, just to waste more oil.

Majeston works at College of Uversa, a nonphysical institution located in the 7th dimension, shown here as it occasionally appears to mortals. Illustration by Tammy Russotto.
Before I could find Marvin, who I don’t really like anyway, a dancer I know named Tanya saw me as I came in through the door. She walked over and whispered in my ear, “Majeston.” Then she winked, kissed me on the cheek and strutted away, swaying her hips tantalizingly.

Of course! I knew he was a professor of astrology at the College of Uversa, a nonphysical academy that prepares souls to be astrologers as they pass through the 7th dimension. He said that during the past week he had assisted with the decision as a consultant and was familiar with the issues that were considered.

“We had to spring this on you fast, but actually, it fits with the astrology,” Majeston said. “With Mars conjunct Uranus, you know something a little different was going to happen on fairly short order. Doesn’t anybody actually read these charts?”

Majeston added that despite suspending the New Moon, normal evolutionary processes would continue at least through June 2012, when the Masters would assess whether anyone was getting the benefits of the current planetary alignments. “We thought you would all be having a lot more fun by now. We thought you would get bored of people who spend all their time trying to jerk you around with fear,” he added. “In short, we were pretty sure that by now most of you would have a clue.”

“Seems like the only place anyone knows how to have a good time is in Madison, Wisconsin — or Thailand,” he added. I took notes feverishly as Majeston went on.

This does not help. Repeat, this does not help. Staring at yourself critically does not make you more beautiful. According to Yavanna, you just need to relax and be yourself. It’s okay, you can do it.
“Obviously you don’t get it. Anxiety is boring. We had no idea humans, in their infinite adaptability, would figure out a way to make it into a fascination. Let’s put it this way. It’s possible to get a flat tire while you’re on a road trip and have that be an interesting experience. Okay, that is creativity. But who would want a flat tire every day just for the fun of it? Or spend your whole life worrying about it? That is the basic state of humanity. You guys are a piece of work.”

He suggested that I contact Olooma, one of the Ancients of Days, for additional information. “He’s got time to talk to you. He just chills out all the time,” Majeston said.

I found Olooma in his usual spot in the 9th dimension, reclining next to his fountain of light surrounded by spectral divas. “Most humans are fitted with a version of the ego that’s full of bugs,” he said. “Just about everyone is using Version 6.3. That one was a disaster. We’re now up to 10.6 and that works a lot better. You should try it out. We’ve enhanced color sensitivity and music appreciation.” He added that the newer, upgraded egos are more sensitive to solar-lunar events and can feel the presence of Jupiter as something besides alcohol.

Yavanna, Queen of the Earth and Giver of Fruits, said that humanity’s struggle involved pleasure anxiety. “It’s blocking your intelligence,” she said. “I actually mean this. It’s sad how many of you are proud of how prissy you are, but it’s not doing a thing for you, except to keep you in a mental fog.” She said she hoped that the temporary respite from the intense astrology of the past two years would give people an opportunity mellow out for a few days.

“Play some music or have sex,” she added. “Man, I just don’t get it. You people love to waste your time on nothing when you could be consummating creative bliss with every waking hour.”

Astrologers Around the World React

Tracy Delaney, programmer of the Serennu.com website, discovered that to “cancel” the New Moon, the Moon would station retrograde shortly before the planned conjunction to the Sun. In order to do that, however, the Moon would have to be declared void-of-course from August 2001 through January 2016, “which explains a lot,” she said.

Tracy Delaney this week became the first astrologer in history to calculate the Moon going retrograde.
Doing the calculations for the extremely rare lunar retrograde this week, she went through three quarts of vodka, eight pots of coffee, two laptops and a box of stress balls.

“It was ugly, and it took a while” she said, brushing her hair out of her face, “but I sodding figured it out. Actually my daughter Alys did when she made a joke about Black Moon Lilith, and that cracked the formula.”

According to The Wall Street Journal, programmers at Time Cycles Research were furious at the decision because it meant their software would be inaccurate. They responded by stripping all the asteroids out of their newest edition.

At Astrolabe, publishers of Solar Fire, frenzied telephone operators handled hundreds of panicked inquiries from confused customers, many of whom asked if this involved the new 13th sign.

Despite the obvious logic of canceling the Aries New Moon, many Earthly astrologers were confounded by the decision.

“That’s gonna be a little weird,” said Adonis Moonchild of Goddess Girl astrology in Phoenix, who is a voracious columnist for StarIQ and huge fan of Jeff Jawer. “There hasn’t been a lunar retrograde since 11 ice ages ago, but I guess they have to do what they have to do. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. It was havoc for the trilobites.”

Richard Noelle, one of the world’s most talented astrologers, said, “This goes to show that horoscope columns are pure garbage.”

Astrology Retrograde: Young astrologers group left for Mesopotamia in 2006 and has not been seen or heard from since.
Reached by satellite phone in Mesopotamia, Chris Brennan, who is bravely leading an expedition of thousands of bright young astrologers into the Dark Ages, said that he did not want to interpret the chart until he had calculated the time lords, which would take until August.

Asteroid specialist Martha Lang-Wescott, the wisest astrologer in all of Montana, said, “The gods are perverse. I told you.” She then went back to teaching her dog, Cady, how to read.

“What’s wrong with a little New Moon in Aries, opposite Saturn? It’s just gonna mess up a bunch of other stuff,” said David Roell of the Astrology Center bookstore. “Fiji, Syria, Timor, whatever. If you write a book about it we’ll be happy to stock it.”

“You’re kidding me, right?” said Michael Lutin of Park Avenue.

Psychological astrologers were debating the issue vigorously. Violating the laws of space and time, a special retroactive session was called for UAC 2008, which met in a packed room on Monday. Before an audience stuffed with students of Kepler College, the all-star discussion panel consisted of Liz Green, Melanie Reinhart, Howard Sasportas, Dane Rudhyar and Dr. Marc Edmund Jones. It was moderated by Isabel Hickey, who presided with a riding crop.

Liz Green makes a statement outside the retroactive UAC 2008 panel on Sunday’s canceled Aries New Moon.
Emerging from the meeting, Green inaudibly whispered the following statement: “There are no shortcuts to self-knowledge. Even if the New Moon is canceled, the shadow material represented by retrograde Saturn in Libra must still be addressed.”

Later that day, I found Richard Tarnas out in the lobby and asked him what he thought. “Subtracting the Aries New Moon is like the archetype of the empty self. It fits the modern zeitgeist perfectly,” he said, adding that he would cover this in his next book, which comes out in 2025. “We’re in the midst of quadrature alignment of Uranus and Pluto but it’s awfully quiet. It feels like Christmas morning but only the mice are awake,” he said.

Jose Arguelles was available for a conversation over peyote buttons spiced with cannabis indica. “From my new perspective on the Other Side, I can tell you that time has actually run out. You people have already gone over the edge, into the void. That’s why everything seems so crazy. Your fragile logic of time has fallen apart. You must step out of time and you’ll be happier.”

In Truth, Coyote Stole the Moon

Intergalactic astrologer, modern day shaman and top-secret consultant Philip Sedgwick noted that the Masters of the Universe who claim to have made this decision had only been in charge for 6,500 years, which suggested a bias toward Judeo-Christian thinking.

On a previous instance, Coyote stole fire. Tomorrow he is expected to steal the Moon. Image by Hyenacub.
“Coyote stole the New Moon,” he said in a phone interview Thursday.

“I became concerned when I went into the backyard to check my sundial on the first 90-degree day of the year, and I noticed that it was off kilter. I thought it had to do with the pole displacement due to the quakes. But it seems that time has been reset, not that the New Moon has been canceled.”

“I’m even more worried about the New Moon in Taurus a month from now when we have seven planets in Aries counting Eris, of course. According to the Northwest Indians, Raven will steal the Sun. So people will be totally in the dark, as usual.”

“That’s a good thing,” said Emma Langley, a receptionist at the local eye doctor, commenting reluctantly. “I’m a very non-controversial person. I like my life that way, no matter what the Masters of the Universe think.”

Yours & truly,

Amidst Retrogrades, Planetary Action Heats Up

April 1, 2011 Northampton, MA (AP) — Following close on the heels of recent rolling revolutions in many of Earth’s countries — thought by most astrologers to have been sparked by Uranus aspects — the next wave of the ‘Twitter revolution’ phenomenon went cosmic.

As soon as the Masters of the Universe decided to pull the April 3 New Moon, planetary tweets, including posts from planets orbiting other stars throughout the galaxy, began coming in at such high volumes that Twitter’s servers actually crashed. One source, speaking on the condition of anonymity, suggested the white-hat hacker group Anonymous might have been responsible for the crash. However, the official word from Twitter is that since the tweets from beyond our solar system took many hundreds of thousands of light years to get to Earth’s Internet, it is likely a simple case of a non-compatibility issue caused by grossly outdated formatting.

Tweets posted before the crash, however, indicate another factor: Mercury’s latest move to retrograde motion. Now that everyone can know anyone’s whereabouts and status in a blink of an eye instead of an aeon, we’re seeing trends move faster. Even non-retrograding bodies like the Moon, suddenly released from her duties on Sunday, have decided to join initially-reluctant Mercury in the revolt against direct linear motion. What follows are some of the tweets caught before the server crash.

Mercury
Horoscope says should go #retrograde. Dunno if I feel like. Just did few months ago. Got soo wasted. OMG! Sooo not up for that again.