[box]My dad has given his blessing to me publishing this letter my mom wrote before she died. It was found in her Bible the morning after she died. It has no date on it, but it was certainly written before she had the seizure that declared her brain cancer. Her handwriting was barely legible after that seizure, and although she wrote us many lovely and heart wrenching notes of love during the following 2 months, she probably couldn’t have written this. She had severe short term memory loss, sometimes not recalling what she had said 30 seconds previously. She couldn’t even find her way around the house she had lived in for several years. The contents of this letter were not new to me even when I first saw it. It is a document of things we had discussed many times, especially after the death of my daughter in 2003. It is evidence of the true hope in the way Mom lived her life. It is a lesson in how to be prepared to die. I hope it brings you laughter and joy far surpassing, and through, any tears you may have. She titled it A “Farewell” When I am “Gone.” (all quotes are in the original.)[/box]

Dear Ones,

When it comes time for me to pass over into Glory, I pray any sorrow of my departure will rapidly be replaced with the joy of knowing I am at last Free and in the Presence of my Maker. I do not long to be gone from you, my dearest possessions on earth, but it is right for me to long to be in the presence of our Lord. As one ages, this becomes more dear. The way we are made, I’m sure. I have loved each of you dearly, and I pray the fragrance of that love abides with you until it’s time for all of us to reunite in God’s eternal heaven. What a day that will be! I hope and pray each of you have that desire, to be with Jesus, our Savior, and that your life has been turned over to Him for your Salvation. There is nothing more important in this life as putting your trust in Jesus, living for Him first & above all. When one is young, it seems life will go on and on – on this earth. But I’m looking forward to the life that WILL go on forever in Heaven.

Please keep any ceremony you may desire to do for me, after my passing, extremely simple. Just family & some close friends, if you want. You preside, just singing some songs you like – hugs all around, and thankfulness in your hearts. There is nothing more I would want you to do. It will be for your benefit of closure — not mine. 🙂 I’ll be busy “elsewhere.” Oh, and have a feast of celebration, too! Bury my earthly body wherever you want – I will arise again someday incorruptable! Hallelujah!

With more love than you know,

Kitty Lou <3, Kathy, Mom, Grandma <3 Katie

You can click on any of the images to enlarge. Images of the rest of the letter are below:

In a way, my mom completed me and I have grappled with feeling lost and purposeless since her death eight months ago. I hope you understand. I mean, my husband completes me in the most full and voluptuous way that is mysterious and feels infinite to me, but my mom completed me in a way I didn’t know she completed me; until she was gone. Losing her has led me, as hopefully all struggles in life have potential to, to seek out God’s comforting mothering qualities. You hear so much about God the Father, but since male and female are made in His image, I feel desperate to find out about God’s Mother qualities. (click on any photo to enlarge)

From left to right, Laura, Alice, and their mom circa 1976

Now, I have found over a lifetime that my sister and I have a bond that is strong. Through ups and downs, trials and laughs I will always choose my sister. And my sister-in-laws, aunt, cousins, and my mother-in-law have turned out to be priceless gifts in life. I’m truly blessed. But, I need a mom, and, ironically, it looks like ‘the man upstairs’ is my best option. “As one whom his mother comforteth, so will I comfort you.” (Isaiah 66:13). I need this promise to be my promise.

Mom and Dad with approximately 18 year old Alice

My heart physically aches because I miss my mom; and I miss her by my dad’s side. Only a true mother’s comfort can comfort that ache. I found an essay on Biblegateway that I think has some remarkable insights on the motherhood character nature of God:

“How like the motherhood of God! God does not probe the wound when there is power to heal. How beautifully tender is the mother comfort of God! He asks no questions, utters no reproach, demands no explanation. He has not the scrutiny of a detective, but the sympathy of a devoted parent.”

In my yearnings, I can’t help but feel much of the church has focused too heartily on the Father character, and not enough on the Mother nature of God (no pun intended). I’m finding it to be an important missing piece to the puzzle.

Could there be any greater tenderness? Any greater option to corral the lost purposeless feeling? Or better yet, a more perfect tenderness and love? In fact, (and hopefully lightening doesn’t strike me), I’ve always had a difficult time connecting or relating to ‘the Father’s love,’ as it never seemed to quite fully describe it all; but I think that is because I’ve tried to fit all God’s characteristics into the parameter of a Father – which I only partly understand. However, when these are combined with mother characteristics, my eyes and heart have burst into a more thorough picture of God.

Through it all, I am finding a new balance of what is worthwhile and sacred versus what is meaningless. Because God feels bigger and Jesus feels closer, religion feels useless. God seems to be guiding me gently, like a mother would, through this new growth. Everything that is not helpful in living this life well and to the fullest is sloughing off. Everything true and sure is stabilizing me. God’s mother-like character is pursuing me and giving me steadiness. My mom was my biggest fan and cheerleader; so ready and willing to receive me no matter what. I am realizing now that she was a small reflection of how God is toward me.

Alice and Mom in the early 1990’s

[box]Note from Laura: Alice, the author of this blog post, is my little sister.[/box]

Below is a Christmas quiz to help you evaluate what you really know about Christmas. After the quiz, there is a short section going over parts of the Bible that are relevant to this festival in our current culture, as well as a link to an article from last year about the general dispute that seems to surface each year about what Christmas should mean to everyone. The answers to the quiz and some explanations of them will be at the end, and there will be a bibliography of the sources that I studied to come up with the quiz.

A Christmas Quiz:

1. To whom is attributed the idea of a creche, also known as a nativity scene?

a. Constantine

b. St. Augustine

c. St. Francis of Assisi

d. Charlemagne

2. What country is the historical St. Nicholas said to have come from?

a. Russia

b. Turkey

c. Persia

d. Italy

3. Which Roman god is the precursor to Father Christmas?

a. Saturn

b. Mars

c. Apollo

d. Mithras

4. Which name alternative for Santa Clause comes from the German tradition that the Christ-Child, or “Christkindl, ” traveled the earth bringing gifts?

a. Father Christmas

b. Saint Nick

c. Kris Kringle

d. The Children’s Friend

5. Who is Black Peter?

a. a man dressed as the devil being Santa’s helper

b. the elf who cleaned the chimney before Santa went down

c. a representation of Peter as he denied Christ

d. a bishop who dressed in black and helped the poor

6. Who wrote a book on Dutch history in 1808 that greatly influenced the current version of Santa Claus?

a. Washington Irving

b. Charles Dickens

c. Mark Twain

d. Sir Walter Scott

7. Who was Thomas Nast?

a. the Puritan governor who outlawed Christmas

b. the newspaper editor who answered the question, “Is there a Santa Claus?”

c. the man who wrote “Up on the House Top”

d. a cartoonist who drew a picture of Santa Claus

8. What Christmas character(s) got its (their) start in an advertisement for the department store Montgomery Ward?

a. Frosty the Snowman

b. Rudolph

c. Santa’s elves

d. the little drummer boy

9. Why was Christmas Day a day of apprehension and even fear in Europe by the 1400’s, and as late as the 1800’s?

a. people rarely had enough to eat

b. it was feared the animals might speak, communicate, and revolt

c. violence, rioting, and looting were common

d. if someone hadn’t paid their year-end taxes to the king they would be imprisoned

10. In which state is the town of Santa Claus?

a. Illinois

b. Indiana

c. Connecticut

d. Maine

11. What animal lead to the minor crisis that resulted in “Silent Night” being written? What instrument was used while singing it for its first generation?

a. pig/no instrument

b. horse/harp

c. mouse/guitar

d. sparrow/violin

12. Approximately how many years after its composition was the authorship of “Silent Night” generally known?

a. 5

b. 100

c. 40

d. 25

13. How many baby boys are estimated to have been killed due to Herod’s decree?

a. 1000

b. 250

c. 35,000

d. 20

14. What post birth sacrifice indicates that Mary and Joseph were poor?

a. the dove

b. the bull

c. the lamb

d. the grain

15. About how many miles is it from Nazareth to Bethlehem?

a. 12

b. 500

c. 20

d. 90

16. How many places are named Bethlehem in the United States?

a. 3

b. 17

c. 28

d. 31

17. Why did the Puritans outlaw Christmas?

a. they associated it with the British monarchy and royal court

b. the customs of the celebration included “monstrous” parades and disrupted church services

c. it was a festival full of drunkeness and lewd exhibition

d. all of the above

18. During what time period were most of our Christmas “traditions” solidified?

a. 1800’s

b. 300’s

c. 1500’s

d. none of the above

19. Approximately when did the winter celebration begin to include Christ’s birth?

a. late 1200’s

b. mid 100’s

c. early 300’s

d. early 600’s

20. How may Puritan rejection of the winter festival have helped win the Revolutionary War?

a. b and c

b. Christmas customs were not yet part of the American culture, so it was reasonable to proceed with the war effort on Christmas Day.

c. the European forces, the British and the Germans, were heavily involved in “celebrating” on a crucial Christmas Day

d. Americans were so used to rioting on Christmas Day, so fighting on that day was easy.

(If you would like to print and share the Christmas Quiz this PDF should be convenient: A Christmas Quiz)

Christmas tree and gifts are always part of our winter festivities. I love all the colors and sparkles, as well as the anticipation of everyone for their gifts.

We need to be honest about what Christmas is or isn’t in our culture, and how it got that way. Other than giving the account of Christ’s birth, there is no imperative nor example of celebrating that event in the Biblical account. So how should we decide what to do?

First of all, in all things, it is good to consider religious legalism versus the path of a person’s heart when loving and knowing God. Ephesians 2:8-10 reminds us that those who are saved by grace become new creations, and the “good works” follow. From other scriptures, it seems that “good works” has more to do with how we treat each other than what ceremonies we attend to. The sum of the commandments is to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves.

Colossians chapter 2 says not to let others judge us by rituals and festivals, which surely can be taken to imply that we also should not judge others by their festivals. What is performed outwardly in repetitious ceremony has little to say about real devotion of the heart.

The question of the origin of symbols frequently becomes a hot topic, and in some times and cultures it may have been wise to refrain from certain things if they are so strongly associated with something you don’t want to be associated with. But it appears that most of the time, this sense of “horror” at certain things is limited to a few who are most vocal. Most other people know that decoration or type of music have little to do with the true meaning of knowing or following the true God. The fact is that every gift on earth came from God, and though it might be distorted by some, it does point back to Him. We can choose what to think about when we see or hear things.

Is there anything that should be considered when celebrating Christmas? Is there any reason it even has to be Christ-centered for the Christian? It could be simply participated in as a winter festival by followers of Jesus Christ without denying Him. We have parties for Valentine’s Day or recognize summer solstice without specifically invoking that it is a time of special consecration. It is a choice that has little to do with a real understanding of what has been done for us through His death and resurrection. If we really know Him, we are walking with His Spirit every day, not just during some man-made festival. We could just as well be following the principles of Proverbs 15:13 (a merry heart does good) and Luke 15:13 (where celebration is affirmed to express gladness) all year long.

_____________________________________________________________________

Here are the answers to the quiz:

1. c. St. Francis

2. b. Turkey

note: Nothing was written down about the man St. Nicholas until about 300 years after he was dead, so other than his name, all else is legend.

3. a. Saturn, god of agriculture

note: Other cultures and religions had winter festivals that involved their specific gods, but the likeness of Father Christmas comes from the image of Saturn.

4. c. Kris Kringle

5. a. a man dressed as the devil being Santa’s helper

note: People get strange ideas….

6. a. Washington Irving

7. d. a cartoonist

note: He was a political cartoonist and artist for Harper’s Weekly. He remembered Moore’s poem from nearly 40 years prior, and beginning in 1863, for the next 23 years he drew a new Santa each year. He was the first to draw the workshop and started the idea of Santa living at the North Pole. Major expeditions to the North Pole were going on at that time.

8. b. Rudolph

9. c. violence

note: From its beginnings, the winter festival was known as a time of up-side-downs. It was more community and publicly oriented, not centered around home and family as it is today. It was much like a combination of trick-or-treat and New Year’s carousing. Those of “lower” social status thought they had a right to expect a day of living as the upper classes and being in charge. They expected gifts from people more well-to-do than they were. Throughout the years, there were cycles of time periods when gangs roamed the streets demanding things on Christmas Day.

10. b. Indiana

note: The town name was changed by the town members to encourage tourism.

11. c. mouse/guitar

note: A mouse chewed through the bellows of the organ. Joseph Mohr had written a poem that Franz Gruber, the church organist put to music. Mr. Gruber instead played the guitar during the service while a children’s choir sang.

My mom was a kind and wise woman. That being said, she was human. Why do I bring this up? It is not because I stand poised to complain and reveal anything against her. On the contrary, I could not have asked for a nicer mother. But I have already experienced the tendency to elevate my daughter to non-Biblical sainthood upon her early death, and I have seen signs of the same with my mom. I believe she would be frustrated with this, because she would want her whole life to point to the grace and power of Jesus Christ, not to her own achievements.

She would want us to remember that Romans 3:23, but having hope in Ephesians 2:1-10. It is not by any power or goodness of our own, but Philippians 1:6. She would not see the timing of her death as any indication that she was more worthy or more holy than any Christian believer that has lived longer or shorter, that has gone before or been left on this earth a while longer.

We cannot know why God chooses to take some of us home to him sooner than others. We cannot say that they have somehow “been diligent or good enough” so they get to graduate. Only God truly understands the work he has here for each of us, why our days are numbered as they are. If my mom had lived longer, would we have considered ourselves any less blessed to have had her in our lives? Would we have thought of her as having a lesser status for being on this earth longer? Is my one daughter’s death a message to my other children that they somehow don’t measure up to God’s standards quite yet? I think the answer to all of these questions is a resounding, “No.”

Let us, in our efforts to comfort ourselves and make sense of our losses, not fall into misconceptions that obscure the truth and discourage the living. It is akin to telling someone that if they “just had enough faith” they could be healed, prosperous, or loved. My mom’s mom died at the grand old age of 94, after living over 30 years with paralysis and extreme pain below her waist. I know that she, too, was a true woman of God and an example of great faithfulness in the face of this. Her mother before her also lived well into her 90’s and left a very encouraging legacy. I have others in my family who have died younger than my mom and I would not emulate. It has nothing to do with how old you are when you die. It has every thing to do with who God is and how he works in our lives. Philippians 3:9.

For the first few years after our 13 year old daughter died, I quite naturally thought of “how old she would have been if only she had lived.” Then, one year, I realized how pointless this was. It was not only a waste of my emotional energy, it was a drain on living the life that I had before me. It was a completely hopeless exercise, masquerading as honoring her memory, but really only offering an empty promise of non-existent possibilities.

While it obviously would be wonderful to still have her here, she is gone. I can remember her fondly and look forward to seeing her when all things are made new, but I can’t make any relevant choices about life based on “if only.” I can build on my experiences of knowing her and losing her, hopefully having grown wiser and more tenderhearted. But I can’t build on experiences that are not going to happen.

And I shouldn’t ask anyone else to, either. If I choose to wander off into the lifeless fantasy of “if only,” what can anyone do to comfort me? It is a barren place, a quick sand of despair, void of water or branches to hold out to the person who goes there. The only real help is to show the person that they don’t have to reside in that self-induced, imaginary realm.

As I write this, it is 11 years since our daughter died. All of her “younger” siblings are adults. Some are in college and we are in the habit of discussing much of the propaganda that passes for curriculum in the core courses required for the “well-rounded” student. Today, we were talking about the glorification of cultures from the past, and the claims of the need for restitution for mistakes made in past generations. It struck me that much of this way of thinking is also based on someone’s “if only” scenarios. “If only” the Europeans had not settled in the Americas. “If only” there hadn’t been slavery. “If only” we had the same standards and morals of days gone by. “If only” everyone never made mistakes or was dishonest.

It’s kind of odd (or hypocritical?) that often the same crowd that wants to adjust our current reality to their version of “if only,” does so based on what “would have” been passed down from one generation to the next (land, customs, power). But then they claim that it is not “right” for individuals to pass on advantage or values to their families now. Of course, they are ready to retort, what people have now was “unfairly” gained. Or people just can’t be trusted “anymore” to be free and make their own choices. I dare say, if they would sift through history honestly, they would be hard pressed to find any time or culture, large or small, of any color or creed, when there was not conflict. Where in time do we start to make things as “good” as they would have been “if only” people had done what was right?

Another tenet of the “if only” group is that culture is basically static. They pick some section of time that suits them, and take its approved (by them) cultural practices and label them “holy.” This denies the historical record of constant influences from one culture to another. Whether it be via trade or conquest, people all over the world have been exchanging ideas for eons. Even within a culture, there is enough change from one generation to the next to result in comedies of miscommunication. The older generation can be tempted to say “if only” it were the good old days; and the younger folks lament “if only” we had been in charge back then. It seems that the only real constant is the arrogance of human nature.

With freedom from the busybodies rearranging everyone’s lives, people tend to work harder and all of society benefits. It doesn’t have to be equal for it to be good for everyone. If nearly everyone has better food, cheaper clothing, faster communication, and easier transportation than anyone did 100 years ago, cries of poverty, in the true sense of the word, are hardly believable. Some will try to say that “better” is relative, and society has lost some “purity” or “simplicity,” but living has never been simple. It is too easy to admire the past without realizing how much you gain from modern living.

Some day, there may be a known cure for cancer. If I live to see it, I will not start a crusade to sue the doctors who practiced their medicine on our daughter. There were the limits of knowledge of the day. I probably won’t even sue the government that basically threatened to take our child from us if we didn’t follow “standard treatment,” even though that smacks of slavery. I will merely proceed with the knowledge and opportunities of the day at hand. Spending my energy on “if only’s” sucks the life out of living life now.

Resources for Thinking About True Christianity

Are you afraid of dying?

Find out how my 13 year old daughter was able to face her own death with peace and hope in Melody's Life Savings. Read this true story and be inspired by Melody's legacy. Excerpts from Melody's journals and personal correspondence are included.