October 2, 2010

Gosh.

I am definitely at a point in my life where everything just seems to be out of control. I normally handle chaotic situations very well, however, this is a different kind of chaos. The kind that just makes you want to give up, sit down and cry. I know that is not an option, and I am really trying. But. it is hard. and getting harder. I am not even sure what I have to look forward to anymore. The people I used to surround myself with for love and comfort have now become some of the people that are actually causing turmoil. I know that I can be very dramatic.. and I am sorry. But that is ME. that is who I am, that is who I have always been. I am better now at controlling my emotions than when I was younger. But that to is getting harder since I have no one whom I feel like I can TRULY confide in. That will just listen and not judge me for what I feel.

I really am praying that my dad gets this Colorado job. I know that there are quite a few people who will be very angry at me leaving. But at this point. I NEED to get away. I NEED the time to be away from the things I've gotten myself caught up in. I NEED the time to find myself and learn how to deal with issues like these. I got way ahead of myself, and trying to deal with the problems now is just breaking me down.

This picture I took at the aquarium of Kailynn makes me feel happy. What I would give to be a small child again... to see something that neat through the eyes of a child again. The wonder the magic, the excitement, the joy. Oh how I want those feelings again.xoxoJamie