Hi all. I’m back again. Sorry for leaving again, and for a longer period of time! Life has just been hectic. So, we moved again. I’m not going to go into detail on why we keep moving, but it’s basically my dad’s work. I didn’t move that far, just to another city.

Anyway, I’ll probably make a few more posts today with some of my writing, but I wanted to update with some sad news. I’m not over it, but I can think of the incident without crying.

One of my lovely cats passed away on September 23rd, at about ten PM. I say about because we don’t know for certain.

Her name was Klara, and she was about six when she died. She has been an outside cat for ages, since she first turned into an adult. She just loved being outside and eating the grass, looking out the window, and chasing birds and bugs, sometimes even bring dead prey into our house (ew~).

When we got a new kitten, however, her demeanor sort of changed. I mean, Klara was always shy and timid, but for months she was withdrawn and mean to everyone. Klara did not do well with other animals. I felt so bad for her, but we couldn’t just give away the kitten now after we bonded. Thankfully, Klara grew used to her. She didn’t fight with her anymore-sometimes they would swat paws, but they got along peacefully. But I knew inside she was still stressed because of the new addition. She started going outside everyday, for longer periods of time. In the morning when I got up for school, there she was, sitting at the door meowing her head off to be let outside. She would then come home for a little while when I was at school, to eat food, then went out again, coming back at eight-nine-ten pm.

Looking back, I wish I had given her enough attention. I always tried to, but she grew into a more secluded cat.

So on September 23rd, a Sunday, at ten PM, I was looking for her. I opened the door, called for her, she wasn’t there. We had a large tree in front of that house, that blocked a large part of the road from me. A little later I went outside again, with my mom this time, and walked a little to the side. There, I saw a small animal’s body laying in the middle of the road. (As I am writing this, my heartbeat started racing.) It was Klara.

The feeling I experienced there was honestly the worst I have ever felt. It was a mixture of dread, guilt, helplessness, sadness, and regret. It washed over me completely. I had never experienced a death. I ran inside for my dad, who got her off the road and inspected her injury. My mother and I stayed inside, crying.’

He came back in and said she died due to trauma. She was hardly hurt at all. It was one side of her head that was affected, and she was laying on it. No broken bones or mangled parts at all.

We aren’t sure exactly how she died, and my dad was confused too, but we settled on a car. It was the only think that made sense. My dad said she was stiff and cold, which meant she died quickly. I hope it was painless.

A lot of why I cried is because I felt guilt. I was out earlier, and maybe could have seen her. She always used to cross the road, as the neighbour across from us apparently had the best backyard ever. We think she was crossing the road from their house to go home.

There had been so many close calls with Klara. She’d never been hurt before, except for a few fights with cats. But at times she didn’t get home until the next day, or very late, or I couldn’t find her.

It didn’t feel real.

We drove to our new property which we would moving into soon, and buried her there in the backyard. My mom didn’t want to see, so she stayed in the car. I buried her with three things.

Her favourite pillow case she would use to sleep on a pillow that was in my closet.

A green bandana my best friend had given me when we lived in Canada that she used as a blanket.

Finally, an orangutan toy that she would sleep with. I actually have a picture of her cuddling with it. I may upload it later.

I also placed a rose I carelessly picked from a bush in our backyard. Normally my parents would be annoyed that I tore it, but at that point we were just shocked. I kissed her a few times, with her slightly bad part of head facing down. She was really cold. Her arms and legs were stiff.

My dad told me that I would have to experience more deaths like this, and it’s just how life goes. So we buried her, and placed bricks on that spot so we would know where she was.

We plan on making a special area in that garden for her. We’ll place a tile or something with her info on it, like her name, and date of birth, and date of death on it, with a little sitting place nearby, along with a fountain or bird bath, with steps leading up to the little spot for her.

My other cat, Feela (if you’re wondering why we name our cats such strange names, it’s because we’re Russian), is sort of lethargic now. It’s the only word I can describe her as. She is eating less, which is a big surprise as she is a fat kitty, and is searching around our new house looking for her. She meows at night, which sounds like crying. She misses her friend.

I’ve written and explained everything I wrote here so many times, but not to this much depth. It feels good letting it all out.

Sorry for the absence guys, and sorry if you have a weak heart or stomach, some of what I wrote may have been unsettling. Thanks for reading, and for all the new followers I got. It means so much.