"Of course it's happening inside your head, Harry. Why should that mean that it is not real?"~Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, by JK Rowling.

My fanfic mantra.

I have always written fanfiction. It's the best possible way to keep a story alive. Even when the charcters are of my own creation. I will write a scene, rewrite it, and write it again with a new twist, or a different outcome. I am forever loyal to those potent characters that make fanfiction so compelling.

In my efforts to flesh out my own original fiction, I find that I "write" stories with favorite characters all of the time (in my head). I use it as a means to keep a storyline going when my own plotlines with my own characters sputter to a halt. My character obsessions tend to gravitate toward alpha males (or to the ones that could evolve into alphas). Perhaps I have an unfulfilled quest in my own life. Except that I'm not male. Perhaps it's simply because the alpha males are the leaders, the strong ones, the heroes. And they're usually the most misunderstood, the most complex, and the most tragic. And therefore, they are most fascinating and meaningfully contemplated.

I'm someone who retains fictitious characters on the brain long after the story is over. I'll keep favorite characters in my head for years, actually. Certain types, usually male for some reason, just plain embed themselves in my mind. My imagination usually takes them on journeys of my own creation that run in the background while real life goes on around me. My sources are books, television and film. And the more accessible my favorite characters become via internet and digital communication, the better my inner world gets.

I've written about discovering fanfiction on my fanfic blog, The Fan Fiction Review. It was quite a delight to discover that I am not nearly as unique (for lack of a better word than strange) as I've always believed myself to be. Other people have the same inability to let go of characters that I do! Sweet! I personally have only read Harry Potter fanfiction because there's just not enough time in the day to get to the other options.

My own fanfiction creations usually stayed in my head, until last fall, when I finally posted a story on fanfiction.net under the name of cre8tvdeb. My first officially offered story was called Failure To Thrive, and when I reread it now, can see how difficult it was at first to let go of my own self-imposed taboo about fanfiction. But I got feedback, and it was very addictive. So I tried a second story, and then a third, and had an absolute blast.

My obsession seems to be cyclical as well, and I write my own fanfic in my head accordingly. I will cycle through Joss Whedon's Angel every couple of years and it never gets old, but his style of angst and tragedy becomes too negative after a while. His characters struggle with conflict incessantly, which I love to indulge until my own desire for resolution in a storyline inevitably takes over. I'll visit the Nash Bridges Universe to rekindle the familiarity of San Francisco. And then I'll move on to Star Trek, both original cast and the newly casted adventures by JJ Abrams.

My favorite Potent Characters, not necessarily in order of preference (since that changes frequently):

And now that I've compiled the list... yes, they are all male. Hmmm. And come to think of it, most of them are quite physically attractive. So, I guess there's more than their angst that catches my attention.

Creating fanfiction is a way of life. As far as I'm concerned, my characters are always in motion. I'm always playing with them in my head, and I'm happy to share their antics. If you would like to check out the creative enDEBers Universe, start with Participants of the Project, available at Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle, but also at several Independent Booksellers(click).

11/02/2012

There are many things about Hawaiian culture that once experienced, will permanently affix themselves to your soul. Hawaiians value family above all else, at what equates to a spiritual level that is embedded in both culture and language. It's quite easy to overlook this when you're watching the sunset with pupus and drinks in a seaside resort bar. But if you've had the opportunity to actually live as a local, you come to relish the Hawaiian language that is integrated into the casual speech of fellow islanders. The themes of "living aloha" and "please kokua" that have a much deeper translation than the average mainlander truly realizes are like a secret relationship between you and the islands themselves. Achieving the resident status of Kama'aina is something to treasure.

I love all things Hawai'i, even managed to live on the island of Maui for 6 months in the mid 90s. I pay that island a visit every year around Labor Day, and get a brief chance to reconnect. This past September, I was working on my newest novel and using my Kindle to proofread my work. I accidentally hit the Kindle store menu and managed to stumble upon Maui Widow Waltz by JoAnn Bassett, which of course I grabbed on the spot. I did not, however get a chance to read it until this past week.

I instantly felt connected to the main character, Pali Moon, and within a few pages was in a full swing reconnect to Maui and the local way of life. The narrative is reflective of the pace of Hawaiian living, or as the locals say, da kine. The mystery in the plot and the realistic romantic tugs between Pali's friends and new acquaintances became so real and so familiar that I was sad to see the story end in spite of the drama the characters went through. Fortunately there are several others in the series. I've got Living Lahaina Loca downloaded for this weekend.

And finally, as I did a tad of research on the author, I came upon misterio press, which features Ms. Bassett as one of four fiction authors. The other novels on the site look quite tempting for fun, easy reads - my favorite kind of fiction!

10/02/2012

I am giving in to a bitter feeling, which I try not to do. Maybe it's because of the incessant L.A. heat. Maybe it's because it's election time, and that barrage of misleading televised commercials from both sides are in full swing. Maybe it's because Saturn moved into my oppposite sign this week. Or hell, maybe I'm just bitter.

I am a writer living in a non-writer world.

When it comes to proving to myself, and therefore those around me, that I am indeed a writer, life continues to be a rollercoaster of uncertainty. There seems to be a universal mindset by those in the non-writing world that work is not real work unless it yields a paycheck. And by those terms, that the novel that I spent the summer laboring to rewrite, experiencing both elation and terror in the process, was not real either. The unspoken conclusion that I'm supposed to come away with is that my stress was self inflicted, since writing is not real work. The casual, yet determined reminder from those in my non-writing life that I should be focusing on real work - you know, the kind you get paid for - is filled with so much more than a concerned friend's advice. It's a reinforcement of the titanium-clad social norm which defines success as being a part of the workforce: punching a clock, commuting, going to happy hour, struggling with a toxic manager, realizing you're in a dead-end job, writing and rewriting your resume, etcetera, etcetera, and of course, regretting never writing those stories, along with the millions of other closeted writers who chose to conform to the non-writer world.

I have made long strides in being a nonconformist, and after years of struggle have created a pretty good life for myself in which I have paying non-writing work. But leaving room to write is still my challenge. And that feels like a handicap, one that I hide most of the time. I've compensated for years by simply not talking about my writing. I just keep it to myself. Until I can't. And then I spill it: all of the raw thrill, and fear, and confusion, and angst over my partially written but mostly imagined stories.

...Yeah, it's just really not a good thing to share with the non-writer.

That's where I am right now, and I have once again found myself in the resulting cycle of consequences to sharing. Phone conversations where I attempt to lament my stress about my writing result in a long dead silence on the other end that I can only fill in with, there she goes again. When will she ever let this writing thing go? Can we talk about me now? Actually, most conversations where I mention my stories result in that uncomfortable silence. And then, since I have no where to go but within, I begin to question the validity of my passions.

I deliberately avoid reading commentaries or essays about the daily practices of successful authors. These have only ever served to reinforce my fears that my own practices are the misguided impulses of an immature and undeveloped woman who has never found an outlet for her imagination. But those fears come from my own attempts to let anyone but myself define for me who I am and how I write.

I am a real writer. I know this because of the way I feel when I write, and the way I feel when I read my own finished work. I feel alive, connected and joyful. And since no one else can feel my feelings, I have to declare for myself, on my own definition, that I am indeed a writer. And sometimes that reality is very empowering, and other times it makes me feel incredibly isolated and alone. I'm in the alone phase at the moment and, wow, do I have a big void to fill.

So now my quest begins. I'm determined to stop struggling in the non-writer world, and join my people in the right world for me: the writer world. Where writing IS real work!

07/24/2012

The Gid•dy Fac•tor: (thuh gid ee fak tur) n. 1. The urge to giggle and weep at the same moment. 2. The bubble of thrill that hovers between the throat and chest. 3. The sensory response to creative expression. 4. The knowing that this is right. 5. The map by which to navigate the journey of life.

When I question my abilities as a writer, I simply return to the basics. A designated symbol, which for me is a turtle like those I see every summer in Hawai'i, reminds me that I am connected to a higher power, a source of guidance that I have an inherent ability to tap into. I call this my inner navigator. The Hawai'ian turtles gently glide through the surf, making the way to their destination in a slow, methodical fashion. Once reminded of the importance of staying in "the flow," I return to the best tool I have. The Giddy Factor.

My own personal drive to write fiction is based on the ongoing need to have characters that I've invested in continue to stay in motion as well. This can be accomplished by rewriting, or retelling, or developing another story. As long as I feel that bubble of giddiness, I know I'm on the right track.

The bottom line? Write what you know, write what you feel, write what you wish for, write the impossible as possible, and most importantly, write without hesitation. Do this for yourself first, and the world around you will benefit.

07/23/2012

So, like I've admitted, I do like my Harry Potter Fan Fiction. I'm slow on the uptake as far as the fan fiction universe vernacular is concerned. I'm way too stubborn to look for definitions, and would rather try to piece together the acronyms in the author's notes (A/N's), and by reading the actual story than going to someplace like Wikipedia for quick answers. It took me a while to figure out what bunnies are, for example and I'm still wondering about lemons. But the term that makes me laugh out loud, and then feel entirely defensive is the term Mary Sue.

According to Wikipedia, "Today, the term 'Mary Sue' carries the strong connotation of wish-fulfillment, and is commonly associated with self-insertion, the literal writing of oneself into a fictional story."

...Well, duh. Why the hell else would one write fan fiction??? OK, so that's a very broad and over-top generalization, which doesn't even apply to my own stories. I've yet to write a full fanfic piece, but I do write my own fiction. However, for me, inserting myself into my stories is a way to live vicariously through a character. I do it for fun, but am cognizant enough to realize when the character representing me is a bit too blessed with circumstance or ability. But come on, for romance stories? It's just not a good romp if I'm not in there somewhere!

In conclusion, I will declare that the challenge to write competently enough to create something worth sharing, while still inserting oneself into the story, is to keep it real. Just keep it real. Avoid the Mary Sue stigma.

07/16/2012

This is that book you read in your chaise lounge, while you sip that yummy umbrella drink, or on a long plane ride, or while you are home on a mental health day.... and just head on off into a deceptively low key adventure. (Romance/Suspense/Thriller)

And by the way, these two Don Henley songs literally inspired the entire story for me. In 20 years, I've never, ever gotten tired of them.

My labor of love, self published in 2003 where it has been seated in a realm of the internet (and in a stack of print-on-demand paperbacks in my closet), is now re-released in digital and more affordable paperback versions. Available on amazon.com (kindle version and new paperback 2nd edition published by Creative EnDEBers Publishing), barnesandnoble.com (for your nook), kobo, smashbooks and LuLu.com.

06/27/2009

Just saw it and loved it. Very heart wrenching, heart-rending, and
humanizing. As I am by choice childless and the adult product of a traumatizing divorce, my experience with this story line was to identify with each of the three children in the story, and
their plights as designed by their parents. Regardless of the basis, there is no defense for the pivotal
effect that family drama has on the formative years of the children. Rational or irrational, intentional or not, family drama that ties and binds
siblings together has a very powerful long term impact on the way one defines him or herself in adulthood, and the types of experiences he or she can expect in life. Powerlessness is a constant part of life for one who was at the mercy of the choices made by parents who were acting out of desperation.... or powerlessness.

An interesting and effective ingredient to keep in mind when creating a character who behaves in ways that are otherwise not justified to the reader.

04/19/2009

It's already been a few weeks since Andy Hallett died, and I've found myself pulling out my Angel DVDs and re-experiencing the thrill that is the Joss Whedon Universe. I was late to the game in watching both Buffy, The Vampire Slayer and Angel, not even discovering them until they were both on DVD. I relish every one of the characters in these two amazing shows, and Andy Hallett's character on Angel as Lorne (The Host) was one of my favorites.

Once I've begun reliving the highly entertaining journey through the Angelverse version of LA underground crime, I get completely drawn in by the the fascinating take on life that these creative minds have conceptualized. Between the angst, the humor, the horror, the deception, and the marked degree of "daddy" issues, I find so much fodder for my own imagination it's difficult not to immortalize anyone connected to the show. As an ensemble, the characters of Angel throughout the five seasons had such a remarkable chemistry and are an awesome resource for a writer to study and emulate. But I must declare now that I've found Andy's Lorne to be the most cleverly created. I especially grieve the idea that he's gone because it is always the episodes that have Lorne in them that I find the most appealing. I really wish there were empath demons with karaoke bars in real life. How cool would that be?

So, a toast to The Host! Have a Sea Breeze and a song, and smile as you remember Lorne's journey back to Pylea, back to "Mom" and Numfar doing the dance of joy.