Tuesday, 26 May 2015

hipsthen proceedyour pants, my mouth, becomes undonein full daylight, in full violencewhat is the real intention of a hookup? none of us know. he could turn right back aroundor reach inside for morehe could be lying, he could be a whorehe could be dying, he could be adorednow without full likenessmy eyes overflow become unfoldedmaybe this is something elsemy weak spots hardened with bloodchoke on love, my cock into your throatswallowed up in a single gulp. spit it out and pout all soakedi have so many dreamsand i’m hidden within themi’m all spread out gently. i take responsibility in stride.watch me if you are afraidhold me all night if you stayhands begin to meltclose to your neck, my fingers trembleliving nakedly but hardlya monster in your eyesi will kiss your fingers in minesolemn i sink within these dream wavesweary of perishing foreverinches from my lipsthe horizon fell asleepin your armsits softness. bees and boys will steal its echoespollenating sadness in my mouth. the death of tonight.stained by shadows, songs of wings and back thendon’t you dare look at your phone again.no one has the courage to move anymore furthermy perfumed love will soon go away.Farewell throbbing cockFarewell to perfectionLog back onSee my reflectionthe sun,the daythe night devours the passing of another loverwho’s name is far awayits all just angles and bodieswith egos like acid for bloodi chose to not use grindr anymoreits sadness is not lovemuscles and mistakesclinics and heartachesgoodbye my boy this is all i can take.

Saturday, 16 May 2015

This story is not 100% dedicated to Grindr, but the intent is there. I suppose Grindr just isn't a part of my life. I've long since ditched the app, as I was nostalgic on the "old days" when one used to be able to saddle up next to a hottie at the bar, feel him up and take him home. Grindr is part of the reason the gay scene has become so dark, so unfulfilling, so devoid of spark and substance. Sure, other factors come into play... Drugs, loneliness, disenfranchisement, boredom... But Grindr is the solvent diluting the entire mess into a rank puddle of bile. We are no longer sexy, swanky, sentient beings; no, we are now mere commodities of dick and ass and torso, reduced to selling our wares in an empty market, exposing our talents to an empty theatre, and fucking into a void.And, Ernesto, while this story only marginally touches on the torturous tool called Grindr, the symptoms of my story are only made worse by its cause. So here it is, a story called "Castration":

There are two men dressed in full Planet of the Apes costume, shoving bananas up their asses and drinking piss out of Evian bottles.My friend is on stage, licking beer off of Hannah's tits, as it cascades down to Hannah's Budweiser-stained knickers.And I'm in the back room, sampling the charcuterie of hard masculinity, a smorgasbord of cock, in a presentation so blatant and so coke-fuelled it would make Nigella blush.And that's why the name of this place - The Cock - was nothing short of apropos. The little hovel on the corner of Avenue A and 12th, now sadly converted into a panini bar, was once my foster home. A home in which I fostered hundreds upon hundreds of swelling cocks (now I know where that station on the Piccadilly line got its name). The cocks which were proud, the cocks which were gushing, the cocks which were fleeting at best.But cock wasn't the only thing that made The Cock so appealing to a then fledgling, 22 year-old me. 15 years ago, New York City was singing its debaucherous swan song, as Giuliani's dream of creating a vapid, boring "anywhere USA" on the island that once inspired visionaries was coming to fruition. It was an era in which young gay New York migrants like me were desperate to lay claim to the perilous, magical, sexy, and grimey city of my dreams. I'd always dreamed of this place, a place where I could live a double-life: a studious, respectable young man with aspirations of becoming a world-renowned interior designer, and conversely a seedy, sleazy slutty club-kid who made it his life's mission to make every man cum.And The Cock was the microcosm of this world. It embodied everything I loved about New York. It was my darkest side coming to play with the myriad of other desperate, ebullient revellers in a bacchanal of self-expression, experimentation and sex.But it wasn't just sex at The Cock. At The Cock, I saw performers, artists, drug dealers, soon-to-be Scissor Sisters, college girls with jaws agape, certain celebrities standing next to the entrance of the back room, deciding whether or not to give into their carnal desires.... The sex was amazing, but it was incidental. The Cock wasn't a sex club, but rather a salacious salon of sin, where one could choose to drink, sniff, suck, sit or simply dance (although technically, due to the infamous Cabaret laws, it was technically illegal to dance in the small space). And the sex was everywhere, but it wasn't the raison d'être. It was the promise of sex, the presence of cum and sweat and piss and booze, that merely added steam to this engine of life. We were all there to party, to rock out, and if one chose to do it with one's cock out, or if one merely wanted to watch the show, all were welcome. Straight or gay, male or female, or even the occasional middle-aged couple from Cleveland.... It was a circus of ridiculousness and music and drag queens and cum.But only a few short years passed before the scourge of "luxury apartments" and yogurt shops killed our buzz, and the Cock was relocated to a less-magical space, where sex became the sole reason for attending, turning what was once a glorious space for a varied buffet of hedonism into a dark, desperate room full of Tina-queens trying only to suck limp dicks and get overused asses filled. Granted, I did a lot of dick sucking and hole filling at the Old Cock, but it was only a side-effect of the place. But now, the new Cock was built solely on pillars of flaccid flesh, and gone was the camp, the performance, and the joy.The last time I went to the new Cock, about three years ago, I stayed for about 10 minutes. I couldn't bare the impersonal vibe of the place. It was borderline empty, save a few old meth-heads wanking in the corner, and whoever else was there was on Grindr, trying to plot their escape from this wretched place. I don't know if it was Giuliani or drugs or the Internet or Grindr that sucked the life out of The Cock, but this cock was drained and limp and covered in shit.So I left, and took a right turn down memory lane, to Avenue A and 12th, to the Old Cock. And I went inside, sat down on what used to be the cock-sucking bench, and ordered a panini. Where once was the stage upon which Hannah doused her tits in lager, was now a menu board of bland "Italian" specialties. Where once was the darkroom, a room in which I lost my virginity hundreds of times, was now a kitchen. So, as I pondered exactly what was in the special sauce of my panini, I shed a tear for the castration of my youth, but comforted myself with the realisation that, hell, at least the sandwich tasted good.

Wednesday, 13 May 2015

Ok, so I only met you, like, 15 minutes ago... Or was that 15 hours ago? Oh fuck. I really can't remember. But it doesn't matter. I fucking love you man.
Wait....Your dick looks different. Your face is blue. Your chest hair reads like Arabic script. Wow...man, that is one hot fucking cock... I don't remember it being pierced. Why is your chest smooth again... And you've gotten skinnier. I thought you were taller? But it doesn't matter. I fucking love you man.
Aw fuckin hell, both of your cocks feel so good stretching my hole. Are you both in? Oh, that's your fist? You look like my dad. He was in the military. No, I'm not really into Miley Cyrus, but Tori Amos is cool. You want me to bite down at the base? Yeah, I'll have another slam. A point-4' because the last one didn't work. Is it G o clock yet? Thank you stud. Shit, this isn't my Baggie. Is this M? What the fuck is this? Oh, whatever, who cares. It doesn't matter. I fucking love you man.
Hey, I only have a little left, but this other guy just messaged me. We can take the night bus to Elephant and Castle. Fuck you, you used the most of it dude. Yeah, that's ok, he's into bears. Total top. Check out his dick. Yeah, he's got 60 of M, but I need to hit a cash point. Should we get some V? Oh, fuck it, let's get an Uber. It doesn't matter. I fucking love you man.
Dude...wake up... You're Gd out. Fuck... I can't watch this fucking animal porn any more.
Hi. Bottom here with two mates.
No, I'm not feeling him. His dick's too small. This guy says he isn't into blacks. Hey stud, you got any Chems? Yeah I can contribute. Oh it doesn't matter...M, T, whatever. I fucking love it all man.
No, he isn't replying to my messages anymore. Well, at least I'm making an effort trying to find some more! All you're doing is wanking your soft dick while talking about the goddamn Economy! Fuck this shit, I'm going to bed. Nah, I'm sorry. I'm ok. I'm just feeling cranky. But it doesn't matter. I fucking love you man.
Fuck, what time is it? How long have I been asleep? I need to be to work in an hour. Thanks for waking me up asshole! Sorry. Thanks for letting me crash here. I really like your place. You're actually really cute. Oh fuck, my eyes are still blown out. I'm so goddamn depressed. Aw yeah blow your load in me! Fuck, I'm late! No, I definitely want to see you again. Can I have some B complex and a few aspirin? Oh yeah...a quarter of a Xanax and a coffee sound perfect. hey, I know I probably said it a million times last night, and I thought maybe it was just because I was off my tits, but I think I actually do like you. Oh, fuck it... It doesn't matter. I fucking love you.
And I still fucking love you. It doesn't matter. That life is behind us now. We made it through babe. And I'm not saying this because it's Valentine's Day. I'm not saying this out of co-dependence. I am not stuck in a downward spiral of comedown neediness. I LOVE you. Unequivocally. Without condition. Deeply. Passionately. Truthfully. And sober.
2 months babe. We've been off it two months. This matters. I will always fucking love you

PAUSE PAUSEPlusgood DoubleplusgoodAre You Positive? Is This A Trick Question?It’s What You Do That Matters, Not What Anyone Says/PromisesI'm So Sure, I'm Positive There's No Vaccine Or Cure For Big Pharma's Greed!Yes, I Have A Positive Attitude! Take Back The Word They Stole!Poz Guys Are Your Brothers!LOVE + GUYS

Tuesday, 12 May 2015

Bitten 'n' brittle-boned, barbedand crumbling into shit stained finger-nailsof the worlds dirty mused.Look at him smile at the strobe.Look at her lost in drink."Don't trust the truckers,they're driving all night and into all kinds.""Its under her bra,in her knickers."Stories of all that ever was,trueand invisible in his underpants.Sauna songs a dirge,hobble-old 'n' apologetic.Could crap better melodies,whistle better lives.A chapel of rest where the dead towel-walk,desperate for a wank.Desperate for the hug offa someone good looking.Validation from something with a more promising towel.Might do anal.Might kiss.She's a seamless gold-digger,struck coal.He reached for stars,got scorched by a 'plane.No-one notices the desperation of slobber-chops,honky-tonk hallows of halitosis, fags and beer.There's no future in these hot hotels,nothing on the TV.If your lucky, might get a late drink,another line.Here the blessed get taxi fare.All this is clever,you've pulled the wool.Star-trails your signature.Chips taste of grease salt vinegar,wisdom n' semen.Chips dropped Runes, casting insertions.There are nights you don't have enough holes.All this is all you know.Know you don't remember."I Slag!" You declare to The Senate.While winters wet wind,wipes a smile on your face.The ring of your favourite songthey never played,puts a spring in your step.

Yesterday was election day.The exit polls were shockingly bad:A Conservative, privatise your life, sell our souls to the highest bidderNeo-Fuedalism, Victory is predicted,The first thing I did was check a sex app.So I imagine what it would be like if those web based sex apps were run by anarcho-socialist collectives?The side bar would be full of safe sex messages,Orgies would be organised by collective membersWhere the collectives members collected.Articles on Pre Exposure Prophylaxis and drug company corruptionWould be sprinkled, intermingled, with advertsFor hand crafted anal stimulatorsMade by kinky craft collectives in former colliery towns.Accounts of income, outgoings, website trafficAnd sex site members sexual satisfaction statistics would be published annuallyAlong side adds for fee paying sex shows where the money raisedWould go to fighting cuts to social security budgets.Meets after anti-fracking protests would be fashionableAnd Direct Action would develop a double meaningWhere anti-poverty campaigners chain themselves to DWP officesWhile flirting into webcams and promising easy bedroom actionWith the first handsome man who raises the potential bail costs.Imagine a sex website where moderators would contact time wastersAnd ask why they had not turned up?And tactfully insisted that while sharing fantasies was grand,Pulling out at the last minute (Fnar Fnar) was something to be discouraged.UK Cut/Uncut demos in Tax Dodging Shops would be promoted by Gold Star MembersWhere attractiveness, knob size and political effectiveness were ratedBy fellow sex site members.The socialist cruising site would have fundraising Cabaret and Sex Shows(Half the profit to the site, half to a Palestinian Queer Collective)With an Owen Jones look-a-like competition:First prize – a years supply of lube,Second prize – a signed copy of Owen Jones’ “The Establishment and how they get away with it,”Third prize, a cardboard cut out of Owen Jones to take home and cuddle up with.On Pride Days the socialist sex site would have“HAVE A GOOD PRIDE,”Plastered across its front page.Analysis of LGBT issues would be blogged in the run up to and after general elections.The socialist cruising site would have blogs on drug use, The pros and cons of chemsexAnd moderators would all have basic training in drug and alcohol counselling.Articles on surviving child sexual assault, adult sexual assault and sex date safety tipsWould appear next to customer reviews of various sex toys.Discounts would be offered to benefit claimants, studentsAnd those involved in industrial disputes.But no, instead our fantasies and occasional hook upAre used to generate private profit.Yesterday was election dayThe exit polls were shockingly badA Conservative, privatise your life, sell our souls to the highest bidderNeo-Fuedalism, Victory:The first thing I did was check a sex app,Are we not worth more than this?

===

CHEM SEX PARTY

Lets have a Chem Sex Party,Tea and scones and home made jam and blow jobs.Oh, forget the blow jobsLets have a party!With madeleines and cucumber sandwiches and date and walnut cake, apple muffins and scones, All homemade,And tea, lashings of Earl Grey Tea.Forget the blow jobs,Lets have a tea party.

Monday, 11 May 2015

Hello Juan!I'm Iain, the new neighbour in number 11 upstairs. I think it's you anyway - Eneida told me your name.I'm moving some furniture upstairs on Sunday morning/pm that's quite big. Would you be able to move your bike that day so I can get past please?That'd be great. Looking forward to meeting you.*Really* looking forward to meeting you.irl, it'll be great to meet you.It'll be great to meet you in real life, after this chat.So would you like to meet up then?Grindrcame on here looking for the woman of my dreamsbut guess I couldnae Findr.It's 2014, NOT having a gay sex life isn't an option, srsly.Hello, just joined and seeing who's aroundHey, how are you?Hey, how's things?Nice mossy wall.Lol, look who it is. You disgust me. Looking for:Friends, dates, networking, chat, right nowpost update of irlgoing outside irl becomes quite a shockwhen you can see all thesepeople that aren't even filtered outaargh where's the filter button(over 18, under 45)Man. Put on your headphonesMan. Your head smartsput me in your (sex) poolonlineonlineonlinestarredwaiting for the chat to startHung top, 210 feet awaylooking for: networking.Loading more guysI feel like your little girl.Do you want to get eaten?Loading more guysI say I'm partnered so I can turn down people without being rude.You're unattractive.Oh no!Oh no?As in NO CHANCE.I don't tend to get flirty till I've seen a picture.Looking for a reason to come off this thing.Happily partnered. Back here again for different reasons.It's easy to hurt people, see.Huh, it's cool to be cruelThis is how I spend my days, my nights in June, July,Falling asleep with nine men's faces pressed against my cheek.Anxious,running out of battery.Try to get closer to the essential meaning of sex.I design lampshades.I'm celibate and don't see that changing any time soon.I'll be honest, the topless selfie made me retreat.There's more good things to come,I'm bottomless too.yeayeahI guessI'm in Glasgow for the night.Hey gurl.HulloHelps you to know who you might be interesting slash interested.Where's the fun in the app?I'm not outgoing person, and non drink,Profile pic doesn't mean that I need a sex!Cocktail skills are good skills to have.Is your pic in a botanic garden or somewhere?The orchid garden SingaporeWow I imagine that must be beautiful.Send location.Looking for a festival fling before real life starts, irl.Fringe FriendsIt's not difficult to find time for a coffee.Healthy amounts of male nudityCome and see my shows - I'm in two.Looking for: chat, networking, 2 for one, audience.Nah, Currently lying on a bed regretting my decision to drink, ha ha.I had a wank thinking about you today.Oh yeh, and duct tape over yr mouth too!my cock would be in your moth, mouth, so kinda difficult lol.Aww pal, how is it?We're gonna have great times Iain.Italian one?Il me faut practicer mes francais.Good guess mate, it's Tromso dialect.Through in Edinburgh for Pride.If you're even thinking of voting no,jog on.Voting Yes!5,599 miles awaybibiHi, you look great lolCome to the party, comb throughdifferent movements based on parameters like locationintent intentionedsorts of guysintend the age range thing. ideallyListFavouritesClose to my own age please?No one older than 23, unless you're something pretty special.Older's my thing, don't ask me why.Looking for younger, sincere guys, sincer.Profiles without ages really annoy me.I'm 35 how old are you?I think we both look good for our age ;-)Lol, I was thinking the same.Hihi hi how're you.Let's fuckWill you marry me?The way the body can carry the smell of its conquestThe pig fat enters my fingers as I clean the frying pan Lost/found, offers, receipts.Top?Do you do bjjs?Twink slaved.Looking for.I love you all guys.Everyone here is on their own difficult journey. Be kind.Please be nice.Queer as fuck.Well I'm not sure if it is time best place to find a relationshipbut who never knowsat least it's a place to know people.It's opened my eyes to the desires of theordinary teen.You've got such a great quote on your profile. Thanks for sharing it. smiley face.20-somethingsettler downlooking for married.Be singleBe pluralI desire enoughSomething for everyone.Love to chatApart from you.Block or reply.Bored of this.FUN!FUN NOW!Daddy!On what basis am I choosing these people.You seem really nice. Which is rare on here I think.19 years old, keeping it discreet.Oh god I'm so tempted but it's quite far!!But I do really wanna meet you.I quite like a bear xNot my type.Block me please.I'm still loving with the same people so I must have done something right.An intellectual conversation on Grindr - get us.I've always fantasised about being watched so porn was the most logical way to fulfil that desire.On what basis am I choice?Clearly not the most startling oneat the intersection, as you showedby turning up the amplification onconnect ability. To give a good single signal.Wandering around with you irl is like hotwiring reality.Wild.Boys are wildWild boy.Are you young and cute and want to make the best of that?Do I have to accept this marketplace for my sex?Nice torso picI dunno, I'd mibbee go for a classic head and body shot in a nice location somewhere.They remain there until you touch themin reaching for them, spin off. You make them disappear.Are you the exemplum of male beauty and want to make the second best of that?Seismic, hardening.I've always enjoyed good connections.Slide, blank, rearrange, turn off or move.I've met maybe 20 guys off here.I've had 3 loves.I feel like an older sex worker sometimesthe kind dads take their sons to on their 18th birthdayin Dr Quinn Medicine Woman.Are you a UN Peace-Keeper and want to make the best of that?More reckless, less romantic.Bed spaceabout 160 x 200cm150cm shelf space.Softening.That's part of chilling, silly boyJust lying in bed, talking shit and maybe having a napI want to know you.Yep u r pretty close to me!That's nice so u can do a poem about mekiddingmight as well wade through a supermarket searching for a stolen watch.He was a spiky thistle that I nestled for a whilenistle (dismissal), yet I was successful.He was too juvenile (sorry) to be a respectful or responsible lover or friend.I found a wasp sitting on the floor.Just the sting of it, well, the abdomen I guesslooking for abdo-menand I'd already picked it up,so it was a safe then the torsoif I didn't move any more to touch it at allI could see where not to touch it.Don't clench, flinch, blanch or go silly.Dr Clutterbuck binned the wasp boy at the sexual health clinic. I approve.Is called Dr Clusterfuck by almost everybody. Is loved by his partner of 14 years.MichaelAngel DavidEuanAndySean RossKrystofAkiColinColinReal people have finally moved onto my roof terrace.Well it's not mine anymore, but I like to see it used.Hello man with the handsome faceHello, how come you're up so late, neighbour?Hello Hello sweet nips, I've done my share of shagging aroundLooking for something more challengingso I'm working at the Fringe Festival[are you versatile at all?]How's your night going? Is that your boyfriend with you in the picture?Who's the lucky guy who took the picture? My ex.Not everyone's a match, eh? Good luk tho. xI know but we'll find someone!Rear naked bum choke.Man that's practically poetry.It's not everyone who has an elephant in their Grindr Pic.Is your Irish guy still on the scene?A rimjob would be appreciated ha ha.Battery gonna die soon so gotta cut to the chase, lol...Do you want your cock sucked?Maybe. Send a pic?

Sunday, 10 May 2015

In 1978 you asked, ‘So, what are you into?Big boys asked the question and knew how to answer.Not me, but I showed you.Darn it, Philippe, Raphael, Alain…!You were the men and you are still.And by turns, we’d come a little closer.Where you led, I followed, sensing, finding,At times, baffled, at others forlornAt least knowing there’d be more.Bacchanalian nights and days asleep,Post-the-thing and feeling it,Desire poised. Sensation alive!Every portal, glorified, every steam-venting stall darkened.You moan, they take it, I jerk, it comes.And we gave thanks.But, now! Boy, now? To hook-up now!Was it ever so easy, ever so sorted?Listed for action and totalled for love.Daddy suit-booted, dude-fit, hot-baby daddy-papa!Just got to press that button,Your wish is our command.‘So, what are you into?’I’d show you only the knob won’t work.It flashes red but the green lights out.Have a smile instead.Still here, never far away!Be simpler, bro', kinder and simpler.