I can’t believe there are so many people out there complaining about how difficult it is to find a job or to make money in the Greatest Depression. Folks, you’re just not being creative enough. This is an era of opportunity, of hope, and of change (chuckling). Think big. Start your own business!

It’s great owning your own business. You get to pay high taxes supporting a government that does jack-squat for you, your family, and your friends. Best of all, you get to work as hard as you want, as long as you want, whenever you want. You control your own success.

Now, what business ideas are considered to be the greatest growth opportunities of the Zero presidency? Pitchfork and Tar and Feather businesses. What other industry offers the opportunity to scare the heck out of the idiots in office? What other business could be more fulfilling than ridiculing the twits making up these ridiculous tax codes and schemes? None. Best of all, you’ll enjoy the satisfaction of helping millions of American’s find real relief.

EVER wondered why Zero finds it so easy to hoodwink his followers? Researchers have discovered that many Zeroites have localised brain damage that impairs their ability to make intelligent decisions.

They studied a group of Zeroites with no known damage to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, a part of the brain that deals with decision making. In a double-blind TV Press Conference Study, these patients believed everything they were told unquestioningly, despite increasingly clear signs that the choices they were making were clearly bad.

But the team was not surprised when they studied the skeptic control group for their tests. It turned out that about a third of their controls of the same age performed profoundly better at making decisions and understanding consequences than the study group. Under MRI, the skeptic group was found to possess higher VPC activity.

The researchers think Zeroites may suffer from damage to the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, and that the damage goes undetected because they are otherwise completely healthy. This may help to explain why his supporters love him so. Undetectable Brain Damage.