Over 40 years after the U-S-A U-S-A U-S-A landed a lunar rover on the Moon for the first time, China just got around to doing the same. But despite the rapid advances in technology since 1971, things are not going for well the Jade Rabbit, with engineers from the China Academy of Space Technology reporting that “abnormalities in the lunar vehicle” have arisen from “the complicated environment on the moon’s surface.” Tragically, China has programmed the Jade Rabbit to send messages back to Earth, messages that read, “My masters are staying up all night working for a solution. I heard their eyes are looking more like my red rabbit eyes. Nevertheless, I’m aware that I might not survive this lunar night.”

So poetic, so heartbreaking, so WTF. Naturally, The Daily Show only had one person in mind to bring the Jade Rabbit’s poetic words to life: Sir Patrick Stewart, wearing the finest costume $5 can buy.