Farkle v. Farkle: The Defense’s Opening Statement

Editor’s Note: Are you new to this fun series? Check last week’s posts for the beginning of the case!

by Richard Bernato

Fred’s lawyer does not immediately rise to his feet on Judge Julia’s direction to deliver his opening remarks. He shrugs his shoulders, shakes his head, sends disapproving but also hurt glances at the plaintiffs. He turns to Fred whose head is buried in his hands. He pats Fred’s shoulder and gives him a reassuring glance as if to show that he feels very sorry for his client.

Judge Julia (having none of this): Mr. Mason, perhaps you have no remarks to offer me or this jury?

Mason: Oh no Your Honor, I do, I certainly do, most certainly do. And I beg some pixie dust for your patience. It’s just that these charges, these complaints, you know, they have really hurt my client, very much so.

Judge Julia: We are not about hurt in this court Mr. Mason. Deliver your remarks please, and quickly.

Mason: Your Honor is being absorbed in Mickey Mouse, in the most magical place on earth, a crime? We know that is is not. We submit that Fred’s ardent commitment to family and equally ardent admiration for all of what Walt Disney World can offer a family combined to drive this devoted husband and family man to make decisions and make special plans for them so that they all could wring every last drop out of their magical experience.

Teenage Daughter lets out an audible groan and rolls her eyes in teenaged disdain

Judge Julia (peers over her glasses again, to Daughter) : Young lady we will have none of that. The only person with permission to groan is yours truly.

Judge Julia ( to Defense Lawyer): Are you finished Mr. Mason?

Mason: Yes your honor and at this point we move to drop all charges in this case as it is clearly a frivolous and unnecessary waste of the court’s time.

Judge Julia: I will take that under advisement and report my decision tomorrow. (she pounds gavel, rises and exits the courtroom)

What will Judge Julia’s decision be? Will this case be dismissed? Wait for the next post!

Rich may be the only blogger who; had an ORIGINAL Davy Crockett coonskin cap (and wishes he still had it); watched Disney’s Wonderful World of Color in black and white; watched the Disneyland opening ceremonies on that same black and white; AND rode the original It’s a Small World in the 1964 World’s Fair in New York. In addition, he is a college professor, and a grandfather of six whom he is thoroughly dis-doctrinating as often as possible.