1.A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in
the corner.
The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home
and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk
said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.
Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different
clerk this time.
To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.
The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"
2.
One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.
The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.
He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in
the middle and not leave the circle.
Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.
The blonde started laughing.
This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.
This time the blonde laughed even harder.
Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.
The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what's so
funny.
The blonde giggles and replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the
circle three times!"
3.
A blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday decided to go ice fishing to make
good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and
headed out to the ice.
When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped
the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: "There are no fish in there".
So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, but then the same voice spoke
again and told her there were no fish in there.
So she moves again, and the voice tells her there are no fish in there. So she looks
up and sees an irritated man staring down at her.
"How do you know there are no fish there?" asks the blonde.
So the man cooly says "Well first of all, this is a hockey rink, and second of all,
you're going to have to pay for those holes."
4.
There was a blonde driving down the road listening to the radio. The announcer was
telling blonde joke after blonde joke until the blonde was so mad that she turned her
radio off. A mile down the road, she saw another blonde out in a corn field in a boat
rowing. The blonde stopped her car jumped out and yelled, "It's blondes like you that
give us all a bad name. If I could swim I'd come out there and give you what's coming
to you!"
5.
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain,
needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him
for ransom.
She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building,
and told her, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put
$10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the
south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."
The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to
his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was
sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000
with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
6.
Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida.
As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign
saying "Disney World Left!"
After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving
back home.
7.
A blonde goes into the beauty and hair parlor with her walkman on her head.
"I need to take that walkman off your head," says the beauty specialist as she
notices the blonde.
"You can't! I'll die!" retorts the blonde.
"I can't cut your hair with the walkman on your ears!" says the beauty specialist
getting annoyed.
"I said you can't take it off, or I'll die!"
The beauty specialist, outraged and flustered, grabs the walkman and throws it off
the head of the blonde. Within seconds, the blonde dies. When the specialist picks up
the walkman to listen, she hears it repeating "breath in, breath out, breath in".
8.
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior
experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny
horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from
the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to
get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides
down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to
its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw
herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy
of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and
again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from
unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the
horse off
9.
Two blondes were recently observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of
their Mercedes with a coat hanger. Here is their dialogue:
Blonde One: I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Blonde Two: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder! it's starting to rain, and
the top is down!

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