Many of my clients see me because they want to change. There’s something in their lives that is so routine, yet so undesirable or unhealthy. Maybe it’s a poor diet, dating toxic men or women, or laziness. They seek change, yet it eludes them. Most behaviors, good and bad, become automatic or habituated over time. For example, tying a shoe is probably something you do without any thought whatsoever — you might even be able to do it blindfolded. That is essentially, habit. Similarly, reaching for junk food is a behavior that becomes reinforced and happens almost like a reflex. Whereas, studying more effectively or being more diligent at work, are habits that can be developed.

Here are my tips to form healthy habits that stick:

Watch your language. That’s right, so often the way you think and talk informs and influences your actions and behaviors. For example, if you’re trying to eat healthier and you tell yourself “Don’t eat junk food” — that will serve as a negative command. In much the same way if I say, “Don’t think about a zebra with pink and blue stripes.” One has to actually think about what a zebra would look like in order not to think about it.

What might stop you? Ask yourself, “What might possibly get in my way of doing this?” If you anticipate and troubleshoot possible resistance or stoppers then you can devise a way to counter them. By acknowledging an excuse before it happens, you’ll weaken it and it no longer will hold power over you. For example, if you’re waning to go to the gym every morning before work yet you feel you’ll never get there, think of all the reasons or potential road blocks, prior to devising a schedule. “It’s too early”, “I’m too rushed in the morning”, and “I’m lazy” are just a few stoppers I hear when it comes to this. Counter them with an actionable plan such as “I’ll go to sleep 30 minutes earlier and get up sooner so I have time to exercise.”

Start with small and easy. You want to set yourself up for success, not failure. Setting up small tasks that you can actually accomplish will help to reinforce behaviors that support the goal as well as provide you with a sense of control. For example, if you’re trying to get into shape, and are embarking on an exercise program, introduce walking briskly for 10 minutes a day for the first week and then increase it from there. Or if you want to eat healthier foods, don’t start with a complete makeover. It will be too much to get used to all at once. Rather, cut out one unhealthy item and add something better such as an apple or vegetable.

Use triggers to your advantage. Triggers typically are thought of as being related to a negative or unhealthy habit like someone who smokes only when they drink alcohol, or someone who eats chips while sitting in front of the TV. Just as a stimulus can trigger a bad behavior, it can lead to a positive behavior. Set up a new, healthy behavior while watching TV – maybe it’s eating carrots, or stretching. This new, healthier behavior will soon become habit.

Understand your motivation. People are motivated usually in two ways: 1. to move towards something positive and desirable. 2. to move away from something negative. For example, someone who wants to drop a few pounds, tone their body, and look great in a bikini is working towards something positive: looking and feeling good for swimsuit season. Whereas the person who is out of shape and leads an unhealthy lifestyle but doesn’t do anything about it until his doctor warns him that his health is at great risk and he could drop dead, is motivated only by the potential negative consequence of not doing something. What’s your motivation? Are you moving towards something positive or away from something negative? The former is far more powerful and lasting.

Make it convenient. Things that are easy are more likely to become routine. Brushing teeth, shaving, and grocery shopping for most are habit. By organizing our lives we’re able to accomplish these mundane tasks without much resistance or problem. Imagine if you had to travel an hour to grocery shop? It would be harder to accomplish and stick with. That said, if you want to join a gym, make it close to home or work and get prepared by having the proper clothing and equipment. If you want to eat healthy, then prepare a few meals in advance.

Start early. Most people have more energy earlier in their days after a night of sleep and are less likely to have excuses that could arise later in the day. Take advantage of this by scheduling new tasks in the morning. I recommend to many of my clients to allow 30 minutes in the morning for self-care such as exercise, stretching, or reading. These have essentially become habit for them.

Make it fun. By making a behavior fun you’re more likely to stick with it. We protest and reject hard, laborious, and unpleasant tasks and embrace those that are fun. If you dread the gym, then try to find a fun exercise program. Maybe it’s an outdoor boot camp, or biking along a scenic route. If you want to develop better eating habits but don’t like the taste of health food, then take a cooking class. These usually have a social component, are fun and provide good information for tasty treats.

Jonathan Alpert is a psychotherapist, columnist, performance coach and author in Manhattan.
As a psychotherapist, he has helped countless couples and individuals overcome a wide range of challenges and go on to achieve success. He discussed his results-oriented approach in his 2012 New York Times Opinion piece, “In Therapy Forever? Enough Already”, which continues to be debated and garner international attention.
Alpert is frequently interviewed by major TV, print and digital media outlets and has appeared on the Today Show, CNN, FOX, and Good Morning America discussing current events, mental health, hard news stories, celebrities/politicians, as well as lifestyle and hot-button issues. He appears in the 2010 Oscar-winning documentary, Inside Job commenting on the financial crisis.
With his unique insight into how people think and their motivations, Alpert helps clients develop and strengthen their brands. He has been a spokesperson for NutriBullet, Liberty Mutual insurance, and Enterprise Rent-A-Car.
Jonathan’s 2012 book BE FEARLESS: Change Your Life in 28 Days has been translated into six languages worldwide. Alpert continues to provide advice to the masses through his Inc.com, Huffington Post, and Thrive columns.

@JonathanAlpert

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