Why Do We Make It About Them?

When someone is rude, mean or otherwise yucky towards us, I know it’s easy to take that personally, but we know better than to make it about us. Hope you’ll re-read my last post if you need a little booster regarding this topic. Bottom line is this: how people treat us is about them, not us.

But now it’s time we look at the flip side of that important fact. You ready?

How you treat people isn’t about them, it’s about you.

Ouch.

Think about it. And in the words of my dearly departed grandmother, “Well honey, you can’t have it both ways!”

Maw’s right, we can’t have it both ways.

We can’t say that the way our dismissive and disrespectful boss treats us is about him AND, at the same time claim that the way we treat our dismissive and disrespectful boss is about him.

We can’t say that the way our stressed out and on-edge spouse treats us is about them AND, at the same time claim that the way we treat our stressed out and on-edge spouse is about them.

Well, we can, but we’re smarter than that.

We know that we are the ones choosing how we show up. We might be pointing the finger and blaming someone else for what we’re doing, but we know that’s not really the case and it’s not really the truth. We know that we are the ones responsible for who we are and who we are becoming.

We know it.

How you choose to treat someone is never about them. It’s always about you.

The only question you need to answer is this: Who do I want to be?

So in those moments of deciding how to respond or how to treat someone else, here’s the only question that really matters: Who do I want to be?

You can make it about them. But if you do, remember, you can’t have it both ways.