My 22 year old left with my grandson & I'm worried about them

Barbara - posted on 09/16/2015
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My 22 year old daughter, Summer moved in with my husband & I, after having gone to live with her father & stepmother since the age of 12. She got pregnant while in her father's custody and he let her move in with her boyfriend. The boyfriend became abusive and she asked to come live with my husband & I. She has been with us for 2 years .She is 20 , had a baby who is now 2 years 4 mos.old. When she first moved in here with us, we set down rules which she did not want to follow & did not.Briefly , when the baby was first born she moved back in with the boyfriend, then eventually came back, we let her for the sake of the baby. At her father's house she did whatever she wanted, no questions asked along with her stepbrother. Mom was too worried about my ex-husband's uncontrollable cheating and constant Marijuana sales. Which my daughter was all too well aware of since she treated my daughter like a friend , not a daughter. My grandson ended up with lead poisoning as a result of where her & her boyfriend were living. He also has asthma . Last year my husband & I spent many sleepless nights with my sick grandson because she had no clue what to do with him. She applied for state insurance for him. We've been noticing for some time now that whenever she takes him to a state clinic, they give him some cheap syrup, send him home & we'd end up at the Hospital with him that same night because he'd have trouble breathing and his asthma pump wasn't enough. This year before winter started my husband & I advised her to possibly switch Physicians for the baby . Her physician is 30 minutes away & the Hospital that she insists on taking him to is about 35 mins. away in good weather. We live where it snows a lot & we have some of the harshest winters around. We have a hospital that is literally 2 minutes away here , right down the street from our home. My physician' office is located there, in the hospital. He said that he'd gladly take on my grandson as a patient. He also explained that often times children on state aided insurance do not get all of the treatments & or possible meds that they should due to lack of insurance coverage. I suggested this to my daughter & she said that she didn't want to switch physicians. I should add that the most recent triggering event that made my husband & I ask her to please switch doctors was due to my grandson having had an eye infection for two weeks, & she refused to take him back to the doctor when it wasn't clearing up , stating that" it's getting better". I should also add that I took 2 years off of work to stay at home & care for my grandson. My husband & I didn't want her to worry about paying for childcare ,since she only made $9.00/ hour. We are in a good enough place where we were able to do that. We have been trying to advise her on her lack of parenting skills. She once told us that she'd figured out how to stop her son from crying & she pinched her cheeks together with her thumb & pointer finger and told us "just do this to him & he'll stop". My husband and I told her that he was a baby & that she was abusing him by doing that to him , we told her that he couldn't speak & that screaming when he wanted something was the only way that he had to communicate. We also advised her that if we ever witnessed her doing this to him we would call Social Services, as it is considered a form of abuse. She also smacked his hand pretty hard when he began hitting her, we also told her not to hit him , as that is considered abuse as well. She would always tell her that it was her son & that she would raise him as she saw fit. We would constantly fight with her about her lack of patience, yelling, keeping the baby out late, taking him on "dates" with men who aren't his father. It finally reached a head when I asked her if she would please check out my doctor at the Hospital up the block from us . Winter is coming & we don't want to wait 30 minutes to get the baby to the Hospital if he has another asthma attack & requires suction. We told her that her son could die. She packed up told my husband & I to fuck off and left. I don't know where she is . My ex-husband & his wife moved to Florida in February with their new baby . My grandson's father is an illegal alien. Here illegally with his Family. I received a nasty text from my brother stating that I need to mind my own business & let my daughter raise her own child. He also texted my husband calling him all types of names for backing me in the talks and advice that I have given my daughter. My brother I'm assuming is who she is with however I haven't spoken to him in years since he was incarcerated for trying to cut our sister in half with a sword, some years back. I don't know what she told him , but I am worried sick about my grandson's well being. I contacted her father in Florida & he states that he knows where they are but wont tell me. The baby's father also knows but isn't speaking either. My husband texted her yesterday & gave her a 4 hour window to let us know where she is and what her plan is . She told us that she is apartment hunting & wont be returning. Not sure what to do, I'm thinking that it's time to let go. I am however worried about the well being of my grandson.

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Jodi - posted on 09/16/2015

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Your daughter is an adult. You don't know where she is because she feels like you are trying to control her and her parenting of her child. She told you to fuck off because she is probably sick of you telling her what a crappy mother she is (or at least insinuating it). Your entire post is berating her parenting skills, so I am assuming this is how she feels. So it really is time to back off and let her be the parent. As long as you keep trying to take over, you are not allowing her to grow as a parent. I am pretty sure that when you first had your kids you really didn't know what to do. It's a role a person has to grow into.

If I can also just add that she was an adult when she got pregnant. Blaming her father for letting her do what she wanted isn't fair. She was an adult. She was not in her father's custody if she was an adult. If she moves in with her boyfriend as an ADULT, there is nothing anyone can legally do to stop her.