Adventures with Michelle, Pet Lettuce!

Raise your hand if you’ve ever either fallen or almost fallen for one of those stupid internet/Pinterest DIY gags? You know, like the water marbles on Pinterest. Yes, I too thought that project was just too cool. Then I spent wasted 10 minutes looking over the step-by-step. Now, I’m no rocket scientist, but that kitchen chemical concoction simply couldn’t work. So I spent wasted another 6 minutes Googling anyone who’d done it before spending wasting money on materials to try it myself. Turns out it’s a hoax…can you believe it, there are people on the internet posting things that aren’t true! (gasp!)

So if you can imagine, when I spotted some off-the-grid prepper-freak posting how they re-grow lettuce in a jar on their window sill, I just went “Yeah, riiiight! Moving on..” Turns out it’s not a hoax. One day in my very grid-dependant and non-prepper-like kitchen (I keep the prepper stuff in the big pantry and the hand tools for the zombies in the garden shed…just in case), I was cutting a salad. When I was finished, my little DIY Demon that shows up from time to time to get me into all sorts of mischief says, “Remember the prepper-freaks? …Try it…You’re just going to toss it anyway…The septic tank bugs don’t need that…it was organic…someone loved it…. “ SHUT UP!!! Ok, ok… I took the butt ends and just sat them in a water filled plastic container. I placed them outside my kitchen door behind the recycle tub, so that the blazing sun wouldn’t cook my new project…and mainly so my husband wouldn’t see it. I could just hear him, ‘How exactly do you miss the trash can by that much?’ Turns out he did see it. A couple of days later he mentions it to my sister visiting for dinner in part of a casual conversation, “…oh, no she has her pet lettuce too…” Yes, I have Pet Lettuce. What?! I had a pet rock when I was a kid. Then I had to bring the little box in to show them what I was up to and it was so cute…it’s little leaves were just coming up and happy as can be. Awwww. Like the alien in Men in Black – it’s head grows back!!! Now what are the Vegans going to do – ‘You mean it’s NOT dead!?’ (It’s simple hydroponics – but I can be a bit simple at times) Then my sister says, “But there’s only two, it’s going to take a while,….now had you started a few weeks ago, then maybe planted one every week then you’d have them staged…” Oh no, don’t tell me, – free lettuce! That’s when the combined look of terror, exasperation, with a pinch of don’t-you-dare comes over my husband’s face as he envisions explaining to the HOA about my tubs of lettuce stubs. No, Hon you’re safe. It’s just my Pet Lettuce (for now), but if they get lonely they might need celery and onion friends too.