The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Denver Police Department are investigating the case, with Assistant U.S. Attorney James Allison in charge of the prosecution, according to the Justice Department.

Um, it's a dude masturbating on a plane. I don't think the FBI needs to be involved, or do they get involved with any crime that happens aboard a plane?

coco ebert:The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Denver Police Department are investigating the case, with Assistant U.S. Attorney James Allison in charge of the prosecution, according to the Justice Department.

Um, it's a dude masturbating on a plane. I don't think the FBI needs to be involved, or do they get involved with any crime that happens aboard a plane?

A crime in US airspace would be a federal offence?Probably is in Canada,

coco ebert:The Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Denver Police Department are investigating the case, with Assistant U.S. Attorney James Allison in charge of the prosecution, according to the Justice Department.

Um, it's a dude masturbating on a plane. I don't think the FBI needs to be involved, or do they get involved with any crime that happens aboard a plane?

The airline is just upset that he didn't pay $20,000 to upgrade to a first-class cabin suite. They don't explicitly advertise them as such, but the main appeal is that you get your own bed in which you can lie completely horizontal, masturbate, and then take a nap till you land.

Supposedly it's the only way to fly.

Well I'm sorry if this guy isn't all elitist with a first-class masturbatorium, like your Pat Buchanans and your George Wills, but he's got rights, just like all of us working stiffs.

Who among us hasn't rubbed one out on those long overnight trans-oceanic flights when the lights are all off and everyone else is asleep? I know I've pleasured myself enough times to know that it's just one more curve in this thing we call the circle of life.

But even I know that if you gotta do it, do it in the lavatory where you'll at least have a modicum of privacy and no one is going to have you arrested for jerking it next to them.

swingerofbirches:I am sick of the sexual suppression of society's steerage-class.

The airline is just upset that he didn't pay $20,000 to upgrade to a first-class cabin suite. They don't explicitly advertise them as such, but the main appeal is that you get your own bed in which you can lie completely horizontal, masturbate, and then take a nap till you land.

Supposedly it's the only way to fly.

Well I'm sorry if this guy isn't all elitist with a first-class masturbatorium, like your Pat Buchanans and your George Wills, but he's got rights, just like all of us working stiffs.

I think the longest flight I ever took was 9 hours. I somehow managed to not molest myself or anyone else.It's like that David Cross bit about airports selling porn magazines. "You know what I need on this flight? The world's filthiest ball-draining cum-mag!"

p4p3rm4t3:swingerofbirches: I am sick of the sexual suppression of society's steerage-class.

The airline is just upset that he didn't pay $20,000 to upgrade to a first-class cabin suite. They don't explicitly advertise them as such, but the main appeal is that you get your own bed in which you can lie completely horizontal, masturbate, and then take a nap till you land.

Supposedly it's the only way to fly.

Well I'm sorry if this guy isn't all elitist with a first-class masturbatorium, like your Pat Buchanans and your George Wills, but he's got rights, just like all of us working stiffs.

I live with my mom

0 out of 10 on humor? I thought it was pretty funny. I'm a creative writer, so I appreciate feedback, but I generally like more than a number.

Honestly I never use the 0/10 thing, it just seemed like you were trying to troll elitist scum bags, of which I'm fairly certain there are absolutely none on Fark. They are probably to busy fapping in private jet cabins all the while being surrounded by cheaper yet highly flammable jet fuel.

swingerofbirches:I am sick of the sexual suppression of society's steerage-class.

The airline is just upset that he didn't pay $20,000 to upgrade to a first-class cabin suite. They don't explicitly advertise them as such, but the main appeal is that you get your own bed in which you can lie completely horizontal, masturbate, and then take a nap till you land.

Supposedly it's the only way to fly.

Well I'm sorry if this guy isn't all elitist with a first-class masturbatorium, like your Pat Buchanans and your George Wills, but he's got rights, just like all of us working stiffs.

"umm, ladies and gentlemen -- from the flight deck. This is Captain Smith and I'll be your pilot this evening. We'll be jacking at an altitude of 37,000 feet. We'll be passing over Pittsburg, St Louis and Omaha. The weather along our route is clear skies and visibility 80 miles. Should make for some fine stroking. We thank your for choosing Southwest for your transcontinental spooging and how your wank session is a pleasurable one."