I will admit it. I am a sucker for the Bachelor/Bachelorette. I can think of very few other things I want playing in the background as I clean or write or work. I eat up the drama. And the good-looking people sure help. This first episode was everything it needed to be.

1. Andi: She is awesome. She is so much prettier than I am and so successful but I feel like she might be nice to me if she couldn’t find a charmingly polite way to disengage herself from my company. She is fit but her arms aren’t obnoxiously toned because she is a real person and no matter what you tell me I will think no ill of her until television twists something and gives me no choice.

2. The men: My goodness…the men. The past few seasons I have found some of the men attractive but not like this season. The first episode was like a room of the men I would describe to one of my gal pals as “my type”. They dressed well. I’m a sucker for a well cut suit and a guy who pulls off a bow tie earns more than a cursory glance from me. (Not hipster bow tie wearing mind you. I want to look at the bow tie and assume you are a good and proper southern man.) Some of them even had jobs that screamed “trust fund.”

Tangent time: Trust fund is a glorious phrase. First, it literally starts with trust. Like, trust me, I won’t ever tell you that if we have love we can be poor and happy. Or trust me, I might not always be happy but at least I am warm and fed and distracted. Second, the word fund. That means money. I like money. Also, fund has “fun” in it and I love forcing stupid connections to justify things I say before thinking them through completely.

3. The drama: It has already started. Chris came back for a second and made a wonderful showing playing the role of incredibly insincere guy who got a taste of fame and will milk it for all it is worth. We have a pair of guys that bonded over cars or something. I’m hoping they end up together. That would be swell.

Now I will give random opinions on people I do not know and have no right to judge.

The farmer seems nice but I’m not buying him as a long-term option. He isn’t the most attractive of the bunch and he is a farmer. Glam gal Andi isn’t meant to be a farmer’s wife.

The guy from Texas has enchanted me with his eyes.

I am super proud of her for getting rid of all three guys with long hair. The doctor would look so much better without the long hair. I swear he straightens it.

The opera singer is going to be crushed way more than is warranted by a short-term TV romance when she lets him go. And she will. I have pegged him as the guy they keep around in case she can’t choose between the men she is actually considering and need someone to cry in the episode still.

Some of them are really funny. The route 1 Iceland chat at the very end is promising. Sarcastic humor coming out of kissable lips.

And here is the part that I admit to how dark I can really be. I am watching a show about an incredibly likable woman and a flock of well-groomed, impeccably dressed, potentially intelligent, hopefully well to do, gentlemen (until proven not so) that want her and never me. So I got a deep thrill to see the “coming up this season” part. There are dramatic clips of her disparaging the idea of a happily ever after. She seems to give up on love being real. I don’t wish her pain but I love disenchantment. And while I assume this is just a ploy for ratings or viewership or social media attention or all of the above it promises to be a divine season.