Principles for Relationships from God's Word by Claudio Consuegra

Gray divorce

Thus says the LORD of hosts: “Old men and old women shall again sit In the streets of Jerusalem, Each one with his staff in his hand Because of great age.” Zechariah 8:4 (NKJV)

Marriages of previous generations were pretty typical. They married young and stayed together for 60-plus years until death did they part. Their marriage went through very distinct stages: they were newlyweds, had children, made some job changes, moved to new cities, became empty nesters, retired, and enjoyed the grandchildren. As Julia Shaw[i] writes, “Despite their difficulties, they were a model of how to be dedicated to each other for better or worse, in sickness and health, and in poverty and plenty.”

But with those generations passing away we may also be losing models of lifelong marriage. Between 1990 and 2010, the divorce rate doubled for people over the age of 50, and it’s expected to go even higher. Some have argued that that once a couple is done with childrearing divorce is a good option for the couple; it doesn’t harm the children since they are now grown. However, researchers have found that parental divorce during young adulthood makes the “normal stresses” of that period, such as heading to college and moving out of one’s childhood home, feel worse and damages the quality of relationships between parents and kids. Their parents’ divorce prompts in them a kind of identity crisis which leads them to question their childhood, their previous perceptions of their parents, and even the happy memories captured in family photos. In some cases, parents’ divorce is more disruptive to adult children than a parent’s death.

Parental divorce also burdens the children’s own future marriages. Some scholars describe divorce as “contagious.” In fact, one study found that the divorce of a close friend or relative dramatically increased the likelihood of a person’s own marriage ending: study participants “were 75% more likely to become divorced if a friend [or family member] is divorced and 33% more likely to end their marriage if a friend of a friend is divorced.” Staying together until death is not only for making good memories; it’s a good example for our children.

Father God, may our marriage bring us and our children a lifetime of happiness, good memories, and a lasting example.