Doc Love: Her Past Lovers

This week's question comes from a guy who's in a stellar relationship, but stands to ruin it all based on one of his girl's past lovers.

Reader's Question

Hey Doc,

I’m 28, live in Australia and I’m a big fan of “The System,” which I have been learning over the past few years. I want to congratulate you on your coaching, which has helped me a lot.

I met my current girlfriend, Sasha, at the gym. She’s 31 and very attractive. I got her number and we went on a date that went very smoothly. At the end, we shared a passionate kiss. I was always confident and Cocky & funny around Sasha and this, along with her physical attraction to me, was an unreal combination that made her fall for me very quickly. I was also a Challenge in that I was never needy.

I Held All The Power

Sasha wanted to hang out with me all the time, and after five weeks or so we were very romantic with each other, if you catch my drift. Occasionally, I knocked back her date proposals, as I like my space and didn’t want to seem too easy for her. I realized that this put Sasha off balance, and she responded with frustration, which meant that she was emotionally attached to me. Although I liked Sasha, I never told her how I felt nor showed her too much affection and this also put me in a position of power, as she would always tell me that she never knew where she stood with me.

After six months, Sasha told me she loved me after an argument during which she demanded to know how I felt about her and where the relationship was heading. I told her sternly that I didn’t tolerate people’s demands and if the time I spent with her wasn’t enough, then I would walk out. As I left her apartment, she repeated that she loved me and had never met anyone like me. I told her to keep on loving me and I kept on walking. But we are still together, things are good, and Sasha’s Interest Level is very high judging by the fact that she still always wants to see me.

Sasha's Been Around

Well, just the other week, I heard something about Sasha that really disappointed me. Through a friend, I discovered that she had a romantic relationship with a sleazy ex-friend of mine. This happened four or five years ago. When I brought this up to Sasha, she admitted knowing him, but nothing else.

This has turned me off Sasha completely. I can’t look at her the same way anymore. She doesn’t know that I know about what happened, but I feel deceived and let down because she hid the truth from me regarding her past lover. I know it’s in the past, and Sasha has some great qualities and is good and loyal to me, but I can’t swallow my pride to continue the relationship with her because of this other dude. She has noticed that I am colder toward her now, and she keeps asking why. I need some coaching as my pride might be getting in the way of a good relationship. Please help me to make the right decision and determine whether these feelings are normal for guys struggling with "her past lovers" or if I should give Sasha the boot.

Thurston - who feels like he’s been kicked in the gut because of her past lovers

Doc Love's Answer

Hi Thurston,

At first you were doing great, pal. Sasha wanted to hang out with you all the time. I hope you fully realized what is going on here, and that is that you had incoming attention. This lady was chasing you because you were a Challenge and not needy. Most guys think they have to be the aggressor in a relationship. They can’t even fathom the idea that you can actually throw the accepted psychology of dating into reverse — in other words, have the woman chasing the man — and come out a winner. Most guys don’t understand that you can actually be in control of a relationship at all times even though the woman thinks she is because she’s doing all the work and chasing.

And it’s likewise incredible that you turned down dates because you didn’t want to seem too easy for Sasha. You can’t begin to realize how many men couldn’t do this and what’s worse, it doesn’t even enter their minds as a possibility. Ninety percent of the guys out there want to be all over the woman as opposed to having the woman come after them. And you bring out an excellent point regarding Sasha getting frustrated because she was emotionally attached to you. You’ve learned a lot, my friend.

Can Doc Love set Thurston back on track with Sasha and her past lovers and help him squelch his pride?