Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Not Everyone Likes a Poke

Hole-y Fuck.

I swear, as proud as I am to wear my wings and roll my smooth TravelPro around the world, there are many, many, 'pretty much everyday I work' times when I want to position myself directly underneath someone stowing their oversized luggage hoping it will injure me on the job.

I experience this emotion often (as this blog would clearly indictate) but frequently during beverage cart set-up.

One would think that setting up the beverage cart for service would be a standard practice, especially with the dinosaurs being in the industry for centuries. I mean, how many fucking ways are there to arrange some juice boxes, water bottles, and coffee pots on top of a trolley? Is it really that big a deal if I put my orange juice box in front of the cranberry? The coffee pot on my left? Stir sticks placed on the outside of the cart as opposed to on the inside? The cups stacked too high?

Apparently to Nazi Nancy (we'll call them), these are HUGE deals. You do not dare rearrange her set-up of the holy bevy cart. It's her creation, her first-born, her way of organization and control. I have a sinking suspicion she's a cat hoarder in her personal life.

So we're assigned a set of standard duties during each flight and naturally, a bunch of control freak weirdos request beverage detail position like single Nancy does. Probably the biggest source of contention out there regarding this riveting subject is the poking of holes in the tops of juice boxes to create a faster and smoother flow. Flight attendants either love it or hate it. Lovers think the smoother flow eliminates splashing and also allows you to get through the cabin faster since the liquids are pouring faster. Haters hate because it pours too fast and they overpour the miniature doll cups everytime. Whatthefuckever Gina! I don't give 2 shits if you wanna siphon your juice through a catheter because you prefer how it pours. It will pour. See I don't care either way, but if you dare stabbed your pen into the top of those juices boxes when 'ol Nance wasn't looking, you're screwed. She'll grab that pen and poke a hole in you.

About Me

Hi! I'm a space waitress, stewardess, air hostess, and flight attendant. Although based on my true experiences or those told through me, the satire and sarcasm expressed in this blog is in no way associated with the airline I work for or the union that represents me.