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You, Me and Cell Makes 3

I had Chinese for lunch today, and this is what I know for sure: fortune cookies are designed to be appetizers, not dessert.

I try to turn my back on instant gratification whenever feasible, but when there is a fortune cookie sitting right there in front of a person’s face – well, how is that possible? To me, the value of this crackly, dry, bland cookie is in the fortune – and that fortune could hold the key to the rest of my life. So, I did. I ate my cookie first, and then I read my fortune. And then I lamented on how fortunes are just not what they used to be – simple platitudes rather than authentic wisdom from the ‘wise people.’

Cell phone intrusion is often a topic in my relationship coaching, as it is an irritant for many - often judged as just plain rude - and is becoming more and more prevalent in this age of technology.

Men: What your female partner wants from you on a date, more than anything, is your undivided attention. She wants you to be fully present, and she wants to feel as though she is the most important person in your life, right then and there. She wants to feel ‘courted.’ You get to be alone with your cell phone every other night of the week. Get the picture? (If this ‘parting’ just doesn’t work for you, how about being upfront and asking, ‘Do you mind if I answer my cell during our date?’)

Women: What your male partner wants from you on a date, *more than anything, is the feeling of being respected. When you are talking on your cell phone, take a good look at him. Is he staring into space with his face a frozen mask? Or is he glaring at you hoping you will take the hint? Is he mostly through his dinner and you haven’t even started? Hopefully, he is not turning purple with exasperation. Clearly, respect is nowhere to be seen.

A date is a container for two people to further their relationship, their intimacy, and their enjoyment of each other – by mutual agreement. The world, as you knew it, will be there waiting when you and your cell phone are reunited.

1. He's not a douche about being in shape.

Look, Chris Evans has a great body. Most importantly, though, is that he's not a jerk about it. He doesn't walk around shirtless, unless it's in a completely appropriate situation. You don't have to worry about him flashing his abs to your mom, but if that shirt does come off for whatever reason, she'll still be impressed.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

2. He makes dangerous stuff look adorable.

Girls want a bad boy, moms want a teddy bear. Well guess what? Chris Evans is a bad teddy bear. But, not in a dirty way. Unless you want it dirty. Chris Evans is here for you!

Photo: Disney / Marvel

3. Chris Evans cleans up really nicely.

You want your mom to see a guy at his best, and Chris Evans at his best looks like America personified. If your mom doesn't appreciate that, then she's a terrorist and she should be in jail.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

4. He's active!

He knows how to swim, how to throw stuff, how to fight. Your mom will love his various skills. He can definitely take care of you.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

5. Chris Evans hangs out with classy broads.

Is it offensive to call a dame a broad? Either way, those are the types of ladies that Chris Evans associates with. You don't have to worry about sketchy ex-girlfriends showing up and ruining everything.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

6. Chris Evans stands up to jerks!

Your mom wants a guy who will protect you. Not just from bears and stuff like that, but also a man who protects your honor. If some guy is being a jerk, and Chris Evans is around, then you've got nothing to worry about.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

7. He's got great health insurance.

Chris Evans is rich and famous. He financially stable, so you know he's got the health insurance that covers all the luxurious stuff. Like mud baths.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

8. Chris Evans looks good in uniform.

If there's one thing moms love, it's a man in uniform. Even if the uniform is just a costume, they still love it. Chris Evans only wears uniforms in his personal life (from what I hear, which may be wrong).

Photo: Disney / Marvel

9. He's got impressive friends.

Chris Evans hangs out with cool people, but even around cool people, he still looks like the boss. There's nothing more impressive than that.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

10. Chris Evans is dedicated.

You don't get a body like that by accident. If you could, they wouldn't call them accidents, they'd call them miracles.

Photo: Disney / Marvel

11. Chris Evans is a true gentleman.

My girlfriend can't look at this photo of Betty White and Chris Evans without crying because everything about it is perfect.

Photo: YouTube

Look, Chris Evans has a great body. Most importantly, though, is that he's not a jerk about it. He doesn't walk around shirtless, unless it's in a completely appropriate situation. You don't have to worry about him flashing his abs to your mom, but if that shirt does come off for whatever reason, she'll still be impressed.