The Prothean Archives

Transformers 4

Stand together or face extinction. As in the end of the Transformers franchise with this drivel.

I spent a lot of the movie wanting to leave. But my friend was asleep and he said that we should just try and survive it. But he got to sleep and I couldn’t, so I had to balk every 2 seconds at the shittiness that was flying off the screen.

Anyway, if you want to waste almost 3 hours of your life go ahead. A lot is wrong with the film, most of the plot is incoherent, it feels like Michael Bay himself doesn’t give a shit about Transformers anymore, because he’s got Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles now. I also wonder why he bothered to make this when Pain and Gain was so good. Marky mark was also reading through his lines really fast, like he only had one expression: out of breath deadbeat dad. I’m starting to think Marky mark thinks that if he wants to get dramatic and angry at someone in a movie, he must read his lines at them really fast.

“I ain’t got time for you, see how exasperated I am? This is my exasperated voice.”

There’s also Steve Jobs, a really-too-young-to-be CEO Chinese chick who also happens to know kungfu, two dead weight characters (Marky mark’s daughter and her Irish boyfriend), the worst use of Ken Watanabe and John Goodman ever, Optimus Prime kills Kelsey Grammar, rides a T-Rex, and proceeds to fly into outer space signifying the mind-blowing end to a shitty film. Optimus himself hates humans for pretty much most of the film, so I don’t blame him for wanting to get out of there.