This is truly America's hour of need, as the ship of state
drifts rudderless in a crisis with only an incompetent drunk
lurching about the control house babbling as his cronies ransack
the purser's safe.

Since not even right-wing sugar daddy Rupert Murdoch thought
the Dim Son's speech Thursday night was worth interrupting
the premiere of "The Tick" for, many Americans were unaware
of what he told his hand-picked audience of Republican desperadoes
in a vain attempt to distract them from their election debacle
earlier in the week. "We have entered a new era, and this
new era requires new responsibilities, both for the government
and for our people," he said.

Here is a new sampling of Bush's new civil service initiatives
mentioned in his new speech Thursday night. As JFK might have
said if he hadn't been mysteriously shot after being threatened
publicly by right wingers on his trip to Texas, "Let's ask
what we can do for our country, not what other people are
doing to us." Let's roll!

Tutor or mentor a child. They're going to need all
the help they can get, since the GOP is continuing its war
on public education. You can point out, for example, how much
the proposal to punish children by withholding money from
underperforming schools is like the more surreal passages
of Charles Dickens or Jonathan Swift.

Participate in neighborhood watch or Crimestoppers.
Be careful, though, because this Administration is in the
pocket of the gun lobby and background checks aren't as effective
as they used to be, thanks to AshKKKroft.

Volunteer in a hospital, emergency medical, fire or rescue
unit. You can hold the hand of the terminally ill and
explain why they can't voluntarily end their own lives in
a dignified and painless fashion because the attorney general
is a religious hysteric.

House those in need of a home or shelter. There'll
be a ton of them, just like there were when Reagan and /George's
Pop were in the White House. Don't worry about the rich, though.
They'll continue to get all the help everyone else needs.

Become active in the USO or other military support group.
That's much more productive than asking what we're doing over
there and why.

Remember, General
Franks is no Norman Schwartzkopf, and Osama Bin Laden
is somehow no longer a target less than two months after he
was named as the culprit. Try to keep the confused GIs' attention
focused on Wayne Newton instead.

Be ambassadors of American values while on business and
vacation trips abroad. Loudly demand in countries with
a free press that they stop running articles critical of the
Dim Son's administration, or that when they mention how many
civilian casualties our bombing is caused they slant the story
in a way favorable to us.

Ridicule foreigners who live in democracies and point out
how their inefficient and antiquated system leaves them stuck
with the candidate who receives the most votes. Explain to
foreigners with single-payer medical plans how much better
off they'd be getting screwed by HMOs. Demand that they let
you carry a concealed weapon for "safety."

Keep telling them "You're either with me or against me."
Win those friends!!

Write letters to Afghan children. Of course they can't
read their own language, much less English, but you letters
might give them kindling for the long winter ahead, now that
we've blown up their homes.

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