Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Eva Cassidy was talented beyond words and she was pretty also. When she gets towards the end of this song, I get chills every time.

I think if Eva Cassidy had been discovered before her untimely death that she would have changed the music world as we know it. From what I understand there was no video made of her singing Sting's "Fields Of Gold", and that is sad. She sang it once, and apparently due to a technical difficulty with the camera, no video is available. That is tragic in itself.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

I have had certain goals that I strive for. Some of them I make more attainable than others. That just makes the challenge more fun. The joy is in the journey..Am I Right? So here are my life's goals that are as yet to be checked off...

1. Bring back the Macarena.

2. Become the first blind African-American to play pro football.

3. Ask for a Diet Coke at a funeral.

4. Find one of those balloons from a balloon launch in my yard. You know the ones with the name and address of a hopeful child who launched it hoping to get a response back from far away.. Anyway, my comments back to the kid would say.. "PLEASE KEEP YOUR TRASH OUT OF MY YARD!" It's still littering even if it's from 500 miles away.

5. Head to the library and go up to people who are studying and ask them if they want to be study buddies. Then when they say, "but I'm not even in the same class you are." I'd say.."that's right buddy, and don't forget that!" Walk away slowly.

6. Towel snap a monk.

7. Be the first to drive a golf cart across the Gobi desert...in a sweater.

8. Attend a Diane Bish concert (She's an organist that has sparkly outfits and has a show on PBS), and keep hitting her sheet music with one of those laser pointers. When she gets mad enough just run out screaming "No one likes the organ anymore!!!"

9. Eat less glue.

10. Ask Renee Stevens personally for a Shpangles gift shertificate...When she asks how much I want the amount to be I'll say..Sheventy five dollarsh, pleash.

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Well on my way to a billion hits by 2098! Don't even act like I won't still be blogging then. I'll be talking about which robot I plan to vote for president. So far my vote goes to RJX7000...I like his stance on jet hover car emmissions.

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

I was driving home listening to the radio today and something hit me like a brick wall. Some silly radio show jockeys were hammering out the usual shtick about Britney Spears. As most of you know she sort of flipped out this week and went into rehab, then shaved her head, then went back into rehab. So it's funny. It's funny to most of us as a nation because it's a chance for us to watch someone kill themselves basically from a safe distance. So we laugh, we make cute jokes, and we high five each other. We all do it. We love to watch things die from a good safe distance. It's messed up for sure.

But the sad reality of it is this... Billions in this world have the same virus that Britney has. In fact all of us do. It's the virus of life.

She has an itch that she cannot scratch. She has a thirst that she cannot quench. All of the fame, money, partying, and attention will not fill the desperate need. The majority of us, when that need comes around grab stuff around us because it temporarily relieves the pain.

What Britney, me, The pope, all of us, need is a life jacket. We need to abandon ship. This place, these comforts, our car, our house, our 401k, it's all going down. Sinking fast. Look at the world around you. Can we not see the collapse that is coming?

My failure as a blogger has been not mentioning Jesus Christ as the ultimate life preserver on at least a semi-regular basis. Britney's cry for help reminded me that there is only one medicine that is out there that will permanently soothe that aching inside. It will fill the void that so many of us fill with booze, sex, and worldly pleasure.

He died so that we may live. It doesn't matter how far away from Him we have drifted. If we turn our life to Him and believe that He is our first, last, and only hope, then He will reach down and rescue us from this world. It doesn't mean we won't suffer. It just means that we don't have face what we are so justly owed and that is eternal life without Him.

I'm not going to turn this blog into "daily preachings by Aaron" but I feel I ought to at least say it more often.

And tonight I'm going to pray for Britney Spears. I never thought I'd say that. But she needs it just as much as the next person, and maybe she'll allow God to be her medicine that answers her cry for help. She would experience a peace that no one understands.

Jesus Christ certainly sought me out and saved me. I don't know why. And I don't know how to begin to thank Him. I just wish I could be better at thanking Him with my actions, and less with my talk. I want everyone else to know that peace too. Again, not that I don't suffer from the anxieties of this world. Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I am an anxiety ridden person. But death is not one of those fears. It truly isn't. And that's because of ultimate peace.

Saturday, February 17, 2007

Any quality UFO documentary has to have certain things. I have compiled a list of what I think they are because every documentary I've seen on UFOs has these ingredients. I realize that some of the things I've seen may have only been half-hour "Unexplained" type shows or "In Search Of...." type deals but I feel safe in presenting this list because the documentaries I've seen and the TV shows I've seen all look about the same. And here is why:Number One: They all must have the Rod Serling-style announcer. Rod Serling wasn't even an actor or an announcer. He was a writer. But his speaking style in performance was a blend of military authority and obscene phone caller. It was mysterious, quasi-threatening and sort of haughty. His narration on the old TV show "The Twilight Zone" became legendary and soon all kinds of people were adopting that "Witness if you will a signpost up ahead" creepy delivery. All UFO documentaries have that kind of narration only most of those guys come off sounding simply dumbass/smartass. A suggestion: Try having a woman do the narration. See what that does.Number 2) You must have the photographs of UFOs that are made believable by a parade of authoritative-types who "explain" them. Of course, upon closer inspection, their explanations can be countered by at least a dozen other explanations more rooted in the real world. Here's an example from a recent film I watched. "The ground was covered in ice where the UFO landed. These photographs show the area, the circular area, where the craft was observed landing and they clearly show the outline of snow and ice." Yes, they did. They also showed the surrounding area covered in snow and ice. In fact, it appeared to have been snowing. Someone could easily have just created the so-called outline of snow and ice with a shovel and about a half hour of time. In fact in the "dramatic re-enactment" they didn't even bother to show that it had been snowing. It was as dry as a bone everywhere except for the "landing area." So the parade of authority-types must be relentlessly mind-numbing so the viewer would rather slit his wrists than question what's being said. Number 3) Always show the close encounter with extraterrestrial life taking place in the country far from urban life. That way, you can explain why no one else saw the amazing sight of Martians and flying saucers. Additionally when one asks why these sightings are always taking place in the woods somewhere instead of in the city you can deftly answer by telling them that the Martians or whomever don't want to "attract attention."Number 4) Never explain how creatures able to fly from at least one solar system away are almost always unsuccessful at "not attracting attention." Read the rest

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

1. I decided to start taking garlic pills. I read on the bottle that it's good for your heart. What they failed to tell me on the bottle is that for the rest of the day every time I cough or hiccup it will taste like I have a bulb of garlic wedged in my esophagus. It's nasty.

2. This whole Apple Vs. Microsoft battle is so stupid. Mac users are all up in everyone's grill preaching about how Mac is supposedly the second coming. Microsoft users (most of us) waste their time and waste breath by screaming back. Who cares? You use what you use. They both have their ups and they both have their downs. The market will determine who prevails. I am a PC user. Ok, so I can't make a movie while at the same time using my computer to make myself coffee and a donut in the morning. I just know what I need in a computer and I go with it.

3. Christians against all war? What? How does that work? Love thy neighbor as thyself sometimes involves protecting them with a high powered rifle. Leaving scads of people to die so that we can hide in our homes and "feel peaceful" is not Christian like in any way. God uses war as a tool. And it is a necessary evil that we will have to continue to use. Check out how this world ends...It's gonna be violent whether we want it to be or not.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Sunday, February 11, 2007

I am one that believes that we should take advice from our elders. I believe that they have lived longer and they have wisdom we can learn from, and should. That being said....I have recently been lovingly criticized for up and leaving a church after 28 years. And some of the criticism has been rational and helpful. Some of it has made no sense.

I was told that there is never a reason to leave a church unless that church is wrong Biblically.

I don't think my old church was wrong Biblically...I just think it was mis-managed and under-led to the point of near collapse. Add on to that a stale-mate where there literally is no sign that they will ever change their leadership structure to fix the problem, and there you have the reason I left.

So was I wrong to leave? I still have contact with the friends and family that I made at that church. I have nothing against any of them personally.. So did I even really leave the church if the church is the people and not the building?Am I mis-allocating my spiritual gifts if I simply move them around to different church families in different parts of the city?

I've never seen anything like it before in my life and I've worked with the CIA, KGB...I was also an Explorer Scout.

I'm in Canada, obviously, because my life's been threatened directly by Al Gore. He's always hated me because I invented the Internet

I have to tell your listeners that Frosty the Snowman is the most frightening phenomenon of the extra dimension. You can talk about the Abominable Snowman, you can talk about UFOs, all of these things, but when Frosty looks at you with those big coal eyes of his, and he goes to work at you with that carrot nose? No sir-- no sir, no sir, no sir.

Austin Amarka

How 'bout a gut check and a neck snap?

What happens if I give you a boot to the head and counter-act that with a block-and-roll?

What about a high left, kick fake to the right chop and a power-right fist? Man, you are dead, dead, dead.

Ted Bell

I'm Ted Bell, I make rules, I don't follow rules.

Getting diarrhea from a steak is like savoring the finish on a wine.

I had a guy yesterday pull into the restaurant in a Ford Escort. You want me to valet that?

I'm sorry, Phil, I've got an emergency. We have a baked potato festival coming up on Sunday.

Clara Bingham

Trent Lott is an unreconstructed cracka'

Phil: But, it was a handicapped seat that someone needed...Clara: I don't care, Phil, if it was a handicapped man. I don't care if it was a man on a pallet board with no legs. I don't care if it was someone whose colostomy bag was leaking. You do not tell a black woman to move off a bus seat no more, not in America. You can do that in China. You can do that in Tasmania or some parts of Estonia. You can do it in Scotland. You can do it in Guatemala. Not in America.

Lloyd Bonafide

Okay, That tears it!

You know what? You burn me up more than a baseball-sized hemorrhoid

I was up to my eyebrows in bowl haircuts.

My daddy put a gun to my head, I did it to my son and he does it to his.

I didn't fight in Korea just for me to come and have them kick me in the groin with a bunless hamburger.

I'm sorry that I threw a cat at a man's head, but he tossed me a bone, and a man doesn't do that to a Korean War veteran.

You don't put a Chinaman in front of a Korean War Veteran and expect him to stay calm and collected.

I fought in Korea so you can sit there, looking at yourself with no underwear on

That's it, I'm going to slit my wrists with an electric can opener.

Steve Bosell

Oh, now I get it. You think I was battling my pony, now is it?

The next time you meet a guy online, make sure you send a picture of how fat you are...

We're hoping to get car washes to put up a sign that says, "THIS CAR WASH CAN CAUSE FEAR."

Ma'am, is your e-mail able to carry a big enough file to fit a picture of you in it?

Oh, okay, so sticking my head in the oven isn't bad enough, you guys want me to turn it up to broil.

Who do you think deserves a purple heart, your daddy for gettin' a box on him or me for takin' a paintball off the scrotilia?!

I don't know if you've ever seen a coyote, but let me tell ya, its hard to hold your mud.

Phil: "Alright, who are you suing?"Steve: "Well, you say that in a sarcastic way..."Phil: "C'mon, who are you suing, 'cause I know you must be suing somebody."Steve: "You assume I'm suing someone?"Phil: "Are you?"Steve: "*pause* I am, yeah, but you assume..."Phil: "Alright, who are you suing?"Steve: "Well, right now I'm suing Blast-Off Entertainment, they're the ones that provided the fireworks, and Corona Community College. Also directors Oliver Stone and Steven Spielburg. Also, my attorney is planning on suing the Hanes Corporation. I lost control of my bowels and the Hanes underwear I was wearing failed to keep it in. I'm also considering a lawsuit against the Del Taco Corporation for serving me food that came out as diarrhea, otherwise if it came out better, then the Hanes could've kept it in. Also, the Corona Community College Parking Administration. We had to walk a quarter of a mile away from the grandstand area, so as we walked back, there was a diarrhea trail leading behind me and little kids laughed at me. Also, my wife; I was very distressed and needed a hug. She wasn't supportive of me..."Phil: "She didn't give you a...well, you probably smelled like poop."Steve: "Well, She wasn't there for me."

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

I'll make this short. He's for abortion. He's against the death penalty. That's two strikes against him. But I don't choose to die on those hills. I do not believe that abortion will ever be banned in America. And as for the death penalty, I don't believe the president has the power to allow it or disallow it. He does have the ability to pick supreme court justices, and that's the only way that I see that these two issues could be affected. Rudy Giuliani is an impressive leader. His poise on 9/11 was incredible. I think he has the guts to do what it has to do to protect America. So instead of throwing away my vote to make a useless statement, I'm going to put it towards leadership and logic. So far. If J.C. Watts joins the race tomorrow, then my vote would go to him. So obviously it just depends on who is in the race. This should be fun.

Monday, February 05, 2007

As you know, police use a number code to describe different situations and conditions. For instance a 187 is code for homicide, a 207 indicates a kidnapping, a 211 is an armed robbery. Well once again I exclusively found some lesser known codes that the police use...

1213 -- Midget fell off a ping pong table.

722 -- Kid swallowed a lego and/or lincoln log.

3221 -- Mental patient running around in the street eating Cheetos.

414 -- Public shower urination at the YMCA.

1023 -- Nuclear holocaust.

209 -- Two dudes are fighting; One guy is getting whaled on.

210 -- Elderly person broke their hip (again).

4560 -- Someone wearing a novelty tie at a funeral.

2221 -- I can't even describe what just happened.

232 -- Some kid is being a total jerkwad; let's tazer him.

2412 -- Donuts half off!

188 -- A guy is trying to get crazy with some ese; Doesn't he know he's loco?