MY LIFE AS A PASTOR’S WIFE

Growing up, I had always dreamt of being married to a pastor. I grew up practically in the church and I always thought that getting married to a pastor would be a sure ticket to heaven especially by association! As I grew older, my dream and desire to become a pastor’s wife grew even stronger. I never dated the so-called ‘unbelievers’. I was seriously on the look out for a pastor…any pastor! Maybe at this point, I should have known this was becoming an obsession, an unhealthy one for that matter!

I finally met one or so I thought. I had boarded a bus in Edo state that was headed for Lagos (I was serving in Edo at the time) and he was seated beside me. He had an aura of calmness and confidence and he said he was a pastor! Immediately, Pastor Kunle got my attention through out the journey.The journey seemed long because it gave us enough time to know each other as well as exchange telephone numbers and addresses.

My whirl wind romance with Kunle was great initially(at least before we got married). We courted for about 6months before he proposed to me. Of course I accepted but what I found disturbing about the relationship was the fact that Kunle and I had never quarelled talk less of argued. I simply put that thought behind me and told myself that it must be God at work. Another disturbing thought was the fact that he travelled frequently to other states in the country and I am talking like every 3 to 4 days interval and when I approached him about the matter, he simply said it was his work. I had to understand that, but deep down inside me, something wasn’t just right.

During the course of our courtship, I had never met Kunle’s parents and he hardly spoke about them. I only got to meet his family members few days before our wedding. They acted funny and were not even warm towards me. They had this siddon-dey-look attitude about the whole wedding preparation thing and even towards our relationship. At this point, I should have probed, but I still failed to listen to my instincts.

Everything took a turning for the worse few days after our wedding. I began to see the real Kunle. It started with him travelling on our wedding night and I asked him what it was that was so urgent and couldn’t wait till after our honeymoon…he gave no explanation and then walked out! Four days later, when he got back,I asked the same question. I got an answer almost immediately…a resounding slap! I was dazed for a few seconds and then reality hit me. Before I could ask further questions, I got the beating of my life. You think it ended there, then you are wrong. The violence became more frequent. I tried to inform his family members but they refused to interfere. I couldn’t go to my parents because I was taught in the marriage class to learn to manage my home without 3rd party interference. Besides, Kunle was a senior pastor at the church he ministered.

At home, Kunle would make me wear God-forsaken clothes such as the so-called bum shorts, mini-skirts. He would even make me put on heavy make-up and anytime I refused to do these things, I would get the beating of my life. And the funny thing is that on Sunday while he was on the pulpit preaching the word of God, he looked like an angel. We represented the quintessential couple…picture perfect. I had learnt to put on a fake smile and listen to other women’s problems. Who would listen to mine talk less of believing that their honourable pastor was a Monster!

The humiliation, domestic violence and frequent travellings got worse. I wasn’t pregnant but how can I be pregnant when my husband hardly ever stayed at home.I was fast withdrawing into myself until oneday I had a dream in which God saved me from drowning and it was as if He suddenly washed my eyes. It was one of those days that Kunle had travelled and I was reading my bible, I suddenly stopped and something told me to travel to Edo where he said he was going to. At first, I wanted to ignore that spirit that told me to travel but the same spirit kept pushing me. It was a Saturday morning and I knew I could still get a ticket. Immediately, I packed a few items and headed to the park.

I got to Edo state in about 4hours and didn’t know where to start searching for my husband until it occurred to me to block him at the church he usually ministered. My intention was to publicly disgrace him in front of his congregation and let them know about the ‘monster’ I was married to. So I decided to wait until the following day which was Sunday.

I got to the service late but I managed to get a seat at the back. Lo and behold, I see my husband at the pulpit preaching away. I took my time to assess his congregation, as well as the church. People seated beside me knew I was on a mission because I wasn’t properly dressed for service. Few meters away from my husband, I saw a woman with 2 children. It seemed odd to see a woman take the place of the pastor’s wife (because only a pastor’s wife would seat there). So I ask the lady seated next to me, “please who is that lady in the front row?” and she replied, “oh, that’s the pastor’s wife and his lovely children. Very beautiful family”. I wasn’t sure if I heard right so I confirmed from the man in front of me and he said the same thing. And at that point, all hell was let loose! I ran like a mad woman towards the pulpit, heading for his neck! Of course I was stopped! He saw me and was shocked. He tried to prevent me from talking but I sure gave him the disgrace of his life! I exposed him. The church scattered. No be small matter. I got to find out that my so called pastor-husband had another wife in Benue state and who had a child for him. The rest of the story is history…you can figure out what eventually happened to my marriage!

The point of my story is that young girls should not be too ambitious in their bid to marry a pastor. Pastors are human beings and they can do what other men who are not pastors do. They are not perfect and if they know they cannot live with their imperfection, they should enter any marriage contract with them. Follow your instincts during the course of your courtship.