Richard Machowicz stood in his room, hungrily eyeing his bedside table.
He removed his tactical pants, revealing an olive drab thong. On his ass, he had a tattoo with the Chinese symbol for 'awesome' on it. He reached for the bedside table, which had inside it his favorite toy: the deagle brand deagle.
He loaded it with a new clip of .50 BMG boolets with heat-seeking armor-piercing casings. He looked at the hunk of Israeli steel in his hand as he racked the slide. The sumtuous lines. The sexy shape. He could resist it no longer.

The warming lubricant he kept next to it beckoned. He covered the oversized pistol in it, and inserted it far into his dirt star. His moan was like that of a mighty lion, if it crapped elephant rounds and pissed Trappist Beer. The slide reached his prostate, which caused baby blood to ooze from his penis. Mack enjoyed this, and his nipples turned into .50 BMG rounds themselves. His penis turned into an M82, which began shooting wads of cum as large as a .50 BMG boolit. He started shouting "STOPPING POWAH!" and the cum boolets destroyed his lamp by his bed. He shouted at the top of his OPERATOR lungs, "ONE HIT AND ITS ALL OVER" as he continually shot holes in his wall with cum rounds.

Upstairs, Nutnfancy was boning a sheepdog in its ass with his entire fist. He enjoyed removing it and smelling the sheepdog feces on the end of his fist. He kept the feces in duracoated bags, and would often make long, rambling, erotic videos of him shoving his mitts into the often bloody colons of sheepdogs.
When he heard Mack's penis M82 fire, he instantly knew he could receive sweet tender love from his Desert Eagle. He quickly threw on his TNP shirt (leaving his lower half completely stark naked), grabbed his ultra-lightweight glock, and ran downstairs as quick as he could.

Nunfancy broke down Mack's door, and rushed into his room. He said, 'good evening, sheepdog' and instantly threw off his shirt and reached for his Glock. Mack farted out enough lube for Nutn to coat his glock with, but he said,'No thanks, I brought my own." Digging into his man breasts, Nutn pulled out a small container of coyote brown duracoat. He jumped onto Mack's bed (which was made out of M40 sniper rifles) and began inserting his duracoated glock into his ass.

Both of them shouted various obcenities at each other, regarding the choice of implements for badass military masturbation. Nutn shouted "GLOCK IS BEST, LIGHTWEIGHT GOOD ACCURACY HURR", to which Richard angrily (and hornily) replied "IT DOESN'T HAVE ALL THE STOPPING POWER I NEED!" Nutn came almost instantly when he farted enough to push the gas vents on his glock past and rack its slide. With that, he reached into his ass and removed the shameful firearm, aimed it at Mack's chest, and fired. A small torrent of lube, feces, and sheepdog mess flew out of the barrel. The glock instantly exploded, sending shards of polymer into Nutn's face, chest, and arms. He writhed and screamed in agony as his precious pistol/dildo blew up in his hands. Mack, however, was not unwounded. The 9mm bullet hit him in the chest. He began bleeding tiny barrets from the bullet hole profusely, but his expression remained unchanged. "Lol its k', he said, without a hint of irony in his voice, 'only 9mm'.

Suddenly, a breaching charge blasts threw Mack's apartment wall. RTT-CQB man fastroped horizontally through the gaping hole, and kicked Nutnfancy's already disfigured face with his tactical muhreen-core boot. Like Nutn before him, RTT-CQB man was not clad in pants. He had a massive M4-shaped boner (although it was miniscule in comparison to Mack's manly meat M82 monument), and he shoved it into Mack's gaping wound. RTT-CQB man blew his load in seconds, and it caused his penis to jam! He pulled back on the charging handle of his assault rifle phallus, and loaded a new clip of jizz boolits into the lower reciever (which was where his nuts should have been). He then splooged and dumped all over Nutnfancy, who had been crying and howling in agony the entire time and had rolled onto the floor.

All this time, Travis Haley had been dynamically fisting himself with a tactical shotgun outside Mack's window. Inside the bushes, he would frequently spread his anus so wide, he could fit an entire target of a knife-wielding woman into it. As soon as RTT-CQB man shit all over Nutn's bloody wounds, Travis, like the rest of the combat-ready men, came fifty rounds from his extended-clip nuts.

Nutnfancy, missing an entire hand, bleeding profusely from the forearms, face, chest, and groin region from the shrapnel his precious glock had become, and covered in RTT-CQB man's feces and muhreen-core dick butter, crawled through the breached wall. He immediatley ran into Frankie Paintballa Bennett, who pointed at his grotesquely distorted hand, and asked, "is that a FAMAS?". Nutn sobbed in agony as Frankie licked Nutn's bloodied nude body. Before long, Frankie's face was covered in blood, feces, and semen. He shouted, 'GIVE ME A CLIP SO I CAN DO SOME DAMAGE' as he thrusted his backwards cap into Nutn's gaping hand wound. Nutn howled in agony, and Frankie, obviously aroused, came so hard his semen seeped up past his waistline and all over his shirt and hands.

Mack, who had experienced five orgasms since first inserting the deagle into his rear end, punched RTT-CQB man so hard, he flew one billion light years to a planet made up of Army Rangers, who enslaved the muhreen and would frequently use his mouth as a latreen. Not done, Mack ran outside, and kicked Travis, Frankie, and Nutnfancy so hard in the nuts their heads exploded with jizz. He dragged the bodies inside and cooked the corpses with a duracoat sauce and ate them hungrily for dinner. It was the best meal he ever ate.

It's a huge reservation/nature center at our Chagrin River, people often leave bizarre messages and artwork in the stones. The river's quite shallow and has lots of caves, hills, rapids, and neat stone formations by the coast