Thursday, November 14, 2013

Turn On Your Flashlight, Let It Shine Wherever You Go.

Yesterday afternoon I snuck out for a ride:

The ride was very enjoyable, but on the way there I had a chilling encounter:

Yes, right there, in the middle of the bike path, was a skunk:

At that moment I realized how completely ill-suited I am to life on this planet, for until then I had never in my life encountered a living skunk and I had no idea what to do. Will it attack? Could it be rabid? Do they fly? What if it sprays me? Does Rapha make an unguent for that?

So I stood there, frozen in fear.

As I waited, it sort of lumbered around in a way that should have been accompanied by the something-wacky's-going-to-happen music from "A Christmas Story." First it trundled into the leaves, then it sauntered back onto the path, and then it started coming towards me! For a moment I hoped it was just a cat that had gotten some wet paint on its back like that one in the Pepe Le Pew cartoons, but no, there was no denying it, this was a skunk if I'd ever seen one. (Which I hadn't.) So, after soiling myself, I clipped back in and rode away frantically, looking over my shoulder with each pedal stroke like a French rider in a solo break about to be overtaken by the peloton in the final kilometer of a Tour stage.

It was the scariest thing that has ever happened to me in my life ever.

Discussing the deaths in a radio interview on Thursday morning, Johnson said that while there could be "no question of blame or finger-pointing", cyclists had a duty to obey the laws of the road and heed signals."Some of the cases that we've seen in the last few days really make your heart bleed because you can see that people have taken decisions that really did put their lives in danger," he told Nick Ferrari on LBC 97.3.

Yeah, that's right: to combat the problem of drivers running down pedestrians (often on the sidewalk), the NYPD is telling New Yorkers to wear reflective clothing and carry flashlights, and to avoid walking at night or during bad weather.

So that's it. It's all over, and the cars have won.

Can't wait until the next curb-jumping incident: "The victim was not carrying a glow stick. No criminality suspected."

Speaking of mayors, while Boris Johnson isn't looking too good right now, he'd have to run down a cyclist himself to outdo those Robs Fords:

You should make sure to watch the video, because holy crap, it's exactly like a Johnny LaRue skit on SCTV:

(Wow, that gay joke sure is dated.)

There are also some great anecdotes in the article, my favorite being the one where he humiliates a cab driver by harnessing the awesome power of cocaine-fueled racism:Sometime after 11 p.m., Mr. Ford and the others took a taxi to the Bier Markt, a downtown restaurant and bar, while Mr. Ransom initially stayed behind to summon other aides to the bar. According to the police, Mr. Ford called the cabdriver a racial epithet, mimicked his accent and threw business cards at him.Mr. Ransom, who arrived later, and other witnesses said that Mr. Ford and two young women were seated in a private room and that it appeared they were using cocaine.

I don't know what's more disturbing: Ford's behavior, or that Canadians are so damn polite that they haven't managed to get the guy out of office yet:

The snap clip looks like a decent enough product, but as a business it's terrible. Selling low-margin, low-price plastic clips to a niche market is not a recipe for unrivaled success. Though he does have nice hair.

Skunks mainly are just out looking for sexual partners at this time. They are dizzy with hormones. I suppose like many male pedestrians. You can just lower your knickers and let him have a sniff and he will probably head on to greener pastures. Or he may mate with your chamois. And Assos may then want the offspring. To patent. The possibilities boggle the mind.

This is all a huge misunderstanding. When Robs Fords said he was going to eat her pussy, he was referring to barbecuing her cat. After an evening of coke, ho's and beer, one can gate naturally peckish.

Missed the podium because I was over at The Guardian reading the article about Boris Johnson's comments after the recent cluster of cycling deaths in London.

Actually, I was trolling the 1699 comments to see if the word, "scranus" was used by anyone, but I got bored. Bored right into 9th Place. If anybody has the patience to find it, please, Snob, send them a blinky light or something.

Put that in the Portmanteau of Excuses!

Belated congrats to theEel, RB1, and Anon 12:01pm for yesterday. Polite clapping to the Anon 12:52pm's and Serial Retrogrouch for today.

John Candy and Robba the Fords, back to back!It all makes sense now.

Holy ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH! That second Kickstarter Promo...I don't think they need to die, but tying them to a post and administering a Mass Hot Carl-ing is certainly in order. Remember to wear a Tyvek Suit with a head/face cover for back-splatter protection and load those socks carefully with fresh-fresh...

I don't think that I'm the first to use, "Portmanteau of Excuses." If not, whomever you are, thanks for coming up with it, and SCRANUS!

I am probably the only commenter on this blog who's ever ridden alongside Boris Johnson on his bike, showing him the way after he got lost: http://invisiblevisibleman.blogspot.com/2012/05/thoughts-on-electoral-cycle.html I can confirm that sadly, despite my efforts to bend his ear while I rode with him, he has a long history of saying stupid things about cyclists. His biggest problem is that he's introduced a network of poorly-designed, dangerous bike routes on some of London's busiest roads. Many of the recent deaths have been on these "Cycle Superhighways," which aren't exclusively for bikes, aren't highways and aren't super.

AAAAAARRGGHHHHHHHHH.I can't take it any more. All this Robs Ford, Blob Fjord, Robba-the-Hutt, Chris Farley tribute Mayor bullshit and outrage from Torontards.

Only half of eligible voters voted for Mayor in 2010, of the half that showed up to vote, most voted for Robba because they live in the suburbs where only people with DUIs ride bikes and there was no way they were going to vote in a openly gay Mayor. You vote in a gay Mayor and two things will happen: more lycra, and fabulous ties. No one wanted that.

Now, it would seem that voting for a GED idiot who flies off on hatred for bikes and most races other than bleached-white, could have been a bad idea.

Rob gets plenty to eat at home, and there are no stray cats in suburban west-end Etobicoke.

You really ought to spend some more time in Vancouver, snobbers, to desensitize yourself to skunks. They roam the streets freely here- i nearly tripped over one earlier this week. Plus, you'll find a lot of the other kind of skunk, too, in case you need to chillax after an amorous chamois encounter with the four-legged version.

Oh, Snob. You did the correct thing by avoiding the skunk. They are one of the woodland creatures here in the Midwest and my dog gets sprayed about twice a year.They are nasty. You would've had to thrown the clothes and bike away as the smell never really gets out.

fucking hell. NYC could make millions by just installing more traffic cameras to catch and ultimately discourage negligent motorists. On my daily constitutional I see literally hundreds of drivers well exceeding the 30MPH speedlimit on Riverside drive. Most of them are fuckers from across the river and upstate speeding to work. You never see a cop on that road and if they put some cameras in and started ticketing these assholes it would considerably curtail the dangerous speeding epidemic. Frankly there are only like two speed limit signs posted on the 5 miles of Riverside between the bridge and 72 street so that would be a fucking start. But no the cops instead post signs to tell pedestrians how to avoid being murdered by asshole drivers. In-fucking-sane.

The NYPD tips don't go far enough! Since a car could crash into my living room at any time, shouldn't I walk around in reflective gear and flashing lights at all times indoors as well? Shouldn't I in fact copulate in those clothes, since a car might come crashing through the bedroom wall? I want to be visible!

visit the corner of 96th street and riverside drive. there's a cop car that parks there in the mornings, every morning, catching motorists who make a right turn form riverside drive onto 96th st. they probably rack in thousands every day because before he's able to return to his spot, another unsuspecting motorist makes a right.

if i owned a car, and got a ticket for doing that, i'd be pissed... same way i'd be pissed if i got a ticket for running a red light on a bike. that no -right-turn sign is put there just to catch $$$.

So...When I come to NYC over the Christian holiday, I will need to bring a flashlight and reflective clothing for walking on the sidewalks and a helment for falling drones.Looks like I'll be checking a bag for the NYC protective gear.

Visit the left coast again and check out awesome mountain bike offroad re;cycling in rural Oregon. I've shared fire gravel with elks and huge smokey bears on more than one occasion. With such large predators about our skunk usually keeps outa sight until such painful conditions demand an appearance.

Seriously? No one wants to support the ziptray? Not even with the most awesomely annoying soundtrack (that's actually meant to be annoying) ever? Not even several hours after the RTMS/WCRM celebrity endorsement? Is it a protest that they blatanly ripped off the nonono cat?

Why is it that there are so many comparisons between Rob Ford and dead comedians (now including Andy Kaufman)? Maybe we don't have to concern ourselves whether he'll win another term in office.

Be careful everyone: it's an urban jungle out there. Wear reflectors and the predators will single you out.

Snob, check out bikesnob Maputo featured in this bbc documentary http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b03h8r1j. If you're not into statistics or swedes just fast forward to the 33 minute mark and watch from there.

I unfortunately had nothing better to do this morning than read the comments on the Guardian article. I think they are all too inane, or else erudite and ironic, to use the word scranus. The SFGate blogpost channeling the NYT Sunday op-ed, however, just brought out the moronic.And plenty of Guardian commentators were up for swapping Rob Fords for Boris Johnson - their rap sheets are surprisingly similar. Boris is usually trying to make out that he is not serious so as to camouflage the haughty ambition.

That NYC Police Flyer is 16 bullets long, filling almost the entire page. In an age of attention spans as long as the number of characters in a tweet, like anyone is going to read them. I'm amazed they don't have one telling people "if you see a car driving down the sidewalk, jump in the street". At the end of each bullet they should of added "In no circumstance will the driver be at fault." Imagine Rob Fords moving to NYC and driving a car. Per "Hearts of Darkness", "The Horror, the Horror".

I had one encounter with a skunk many moon cycles ago. Mountain cyclebiking along in rural Western PA woods at night, with my trusty choco-lab running in little circles around me - he apparently drove a skunk right into me.

He barked, I thought I smelled something, but then my nose just sort of hurt. Didn't realize I'd been skunked until we walked into the house and my wife ordered us the hell back out.

Didn't read all the comments, maybe the point has already been made but skunks are nocturnal critters. Seeing them out and about in the day may well be a sign of rabies. Should probably report that to the Parks Dept, Animal control or whoever is in charge of such things there.

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Suddenly one day, you feel yourself in ultimate darkness and you don’t really realize where your candle is that’s the time when the best tactical flashlight is going to be your savior. Of course any top tactical flashlight would do but I am sure you would want the best for your safety and adventure.

I mean, it's ridiculous that pedestrians are at fault if they get hit by a car. All the same, a flashlight really is a good thing to be carrying with you at all times. They make them sturdy and also small now, so they're easy to carry around. Here's what I mean

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!