Dane Coles Announces Candidacy For Prime Minister In 2017 NZ Election

All Black hooker Dane Coles has taken a bold step into politics today, announcing his intention to become Prime Minister of New Zealand.

The 49-test veteran told Thai Castle that his motivation was simply that “how hard can it be?” Coles said he wasn’t going to be aligned with any party, claiming that he can do it all himself – much like his dynamic play on the field. “This country needs a decisive leader. I’ve shown I can be effective by captaining the Hurricanes to a Super Rugby title last year. The bloody Hurricanes, man. I feel like I’m a fuckin’ miracle-worker.” Coles said he will be making policy announcements in the coming weeks, however hinted at free beer for students and relaxing the rules around crowd behaviour at rugby and cricket among his priorities.

He urged supporters to use the #ColesyForPM hashtag wherever possible. Coles also said he was leaning toward bringing in Hurricane and All Black team mate Beauden Barrett into a government role. “I dunno what he’ll do, because he actually can’t read or write. But fuck man, it’s Beaudy.”