'Melrose Place': Apartment house of the living dead

Old soap opera bitches never die, they just . . . well, whatever they do, they don't die. As Exhibit A, I offer you Sydney Andrews, Melrose Place's resident waitress-hooker-secretary-boutique owner-murderess, last seen getting run over on her wedding day in 1997. And yet here she is again, having not just clawed her way out of the grave but sniffed out the trail of the Melrose Place remake clear over at another network -- only to get murdered again in the first five minutes. Ordinarily I would have preceded that with a SPOILER ALERT warning, but hell, you know she'll be back by episode five or so, explaining that those 35 bloody stab wounds were really just the result of the drive-through plastic surgery window at Wal-Mart and she's just fine, thank you, anybody wanna embezzle some money or have an affair with their sister's husband? Read my full review of the new Melrose Place in Tuesday's Miami Herald.