Last month the UN conducted a world wide survey by phone through their centre in India. The question was "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the "rest of the world". The survey was a complete failure, because, 1 In Eastern Europe they did not know what "honest" meant2 In Western Europe they did not know what "shortage" meant.3 In Africa they did not know what food" meant4 In China they did not know what "opinion" meant5 In The Middle East they did not know what "solution" meant6 In South America they did not know what "please" meant7 In North america they did not know what "rest of the world" meant8 In Australia they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent.

A lawyer buys a farm as a weekend retreat. While walking round his property he looks down and sees that his feet are in the middle of a huge cowpat. The lawyer starts yelling, 'Oh my god! Help me! help me! His wife runs up and asks what is the matter. The lawyer points to his feet and screams, 'I'm melting! I'm melting ......!