Welcome

Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Throwing this out for your information and safety. I forgot I had a profile on a Poz dating site, won't say which one. It had been a year and all of a sudden a message. Opened it up, the guy looked nice, message sincere. He wanted to meet this last weekend just a couple of days before first contact. We had not spoken on the phone just a couple of messages via the site messenger service. There was a dramatic age difference on my side, plus his health was excellent next to mine. I wrote back my concern about the age difference, and my health being not up to par with his. Didn't seem to bother him. I had a weird gut feeling from the beginning why this guy picked me out. I posted back I was not available this weekend but perhaps we could chat by phone. Guess he got it, and called back everything seemed fine. Then today the big "F you, you are a lying asshole leading people on, eat dirt and die" type of deal. Now I'm scared. Reported him, I'm having to change all my phone numbers. Had identity theft seven years ago. Who can you trust these days? Be careful!!!!!!

My best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was scammed out of several hundred dollars on PozPersonals. The guy misrepresented himself - Oh, he was very good looking, but a total hustler. And sadly. my best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was trusting and naive.

Sites like that are RIFE for hustlers and scammers. Why? Because they can often find older or insecure or closeted (about their sexual orientation, marital status, and/or HIV status.) The end result is often identify theft, blackmail, or worse.

Luckily my best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was only out about five hundred bucks by the end of the ordeal. Even though he FLEW the guy to Atlanta, showed him the town for a week, and gave him the run of his place. He ws lucky the damage wasn't much, much worse. Lethal even.

I submit that people who choose to advertise on PozPersonals (or ANY site for people with a stigma-associated ailment {or of course any online dating site, period}) need to tread especially carefully.

That having been said, I am very sorry for that awful experience. It's not fair, and it's not right.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

There are tons of scammers and parasites wanting to date positive women. After a while you know which photos are false, grammatical styles, typos, etc. indicate a likely scammer. Income bracket is often a dead giveaway.

The funny trait a number of men pick-- " I don't know when I was diagnosed" is a red flag for me -- either you aren't positive or you are incapable of holding an important date in your memory. (We're talking what year here, not the exact day.) Either way, danger, Will Robinson, danger.

Sorry you had to go through the phone hassle -- what a pain, but you're alive.

Sorry you dealt with this. I've not much experience but I can imagine what you're dealing with.

And as Em said, someone who doesn't know the appropriate year of their diagnosis is a red flag. I'm not definitive on my infection date, but I'll never forget the definitive diagnosis date and every emotion that surrounded it.

When I used to use those sites I learned that if I took it slow and insisted on a good bit of conversation people reveal their true colors most of the time so I didnt have to waste my time meeting them .

I learned if a guy isn't willing to have any meaningful conversations or if he loses his temper because I am not willing to hookup on the fly he probably is someone I should forgo meeting . A internet temper tantrum has no effect on me or my blood pressure .

If you are looking for hookups then this isn't good advice , nothing pisses a horny methed up guy worse than idle chit chat LOL .

Throwing this out for your information and safety. I forgot I had a profile on a Poz dating site, won't say which one. It had been a year and all of a sudden a message. Opened it up, the guy looked nice, message sincere. He wanted to meet this last weekend just a couple of days before first contact. We had not spoken on the phone just a couple of messages via the site messenger service. There was a dramatic age difference on my side, plus his health was excellent next to mine. I wrote back my concern about the age difference, and my health being not up to par with his. Didn't seem to bother him. I had a weird gut feeling from the beginning why this guy picked me out. I posted back I was not available this weekend but perhaps we could chat by phone. Guess he got it, and called back everything seemed fine. Then today the big "F you, you are a lying asshole leading people on, eat dirt and die" type of deal. Now I'm scared. Reported him, I'm having to change all my phone numbers. Had identity theft seven years ago. Who can you trust these days? Be careful!!!!!!

Fucking stiffen up. If you won't say which site then what's the point of this thread?

If you've come to grief on Poz Personals we're all ears. But if this is some Craigslist transaction gone wrong then you've gotten everything you deserve.

This is bat-shit crazy, I'd never dreamed there would people so nasty and mean-spirited like that. Shocked.

Really? Are you new?

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Fucking stiffen up. If you won't say which site then what's the point of this thread?

If you've come to grief on Poz Personals we're all ears. But if this is some Craigslist transaction gone wrong then you've gotten everything you deserve.

MtD

THAT is why I immediately mentioned PozPersonals in my reply. Not only because it was the place where by best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend got scammed, but because it seemed odd to avoid mentioning the site.

If Poz.com decides that critiquing pozpersonals.com is discouraged, then there's a hole in this site's credibility the size of a stretch limo.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Fucking stiffen up. If you won't say which site then what's the point of this thread?

If you've come to grief on Poz Personals we're all ears. But if this is some Craigslist transaction gone wrong then you've gotten everything you deserve.

MtD

It was Poz Personals! You are right, what's the point of bringing this up without revealing the site. Guess I have so much respect for the forums run by POZ magazine I didn't want to put it out there. Sounds like other people have been having problems with this site too. I never go on Craigslist, ever. Heard major nightmares.

Thanks everyone for your posts. They really helped me cope better with this and I appreciate your valuable input. This really through me over the edge as I have had good success with HIV sites a long while ago. Now I've learned a valuable lesson. Most of all, I feel really violated for doing absolutely nothing and then being raked over the coals. I think one of you are right, that since I was a bit cautious and didn't jump into the fire, the guy got pissed off and moved on to the next victim. Who knows!

A friend of mine back East met a guy in a bar last year. They hit it off, the guy was a charmer and they ended up moving in together at my friends house. One day he came home from work, and he had been cleaned out. Apparently, according to the police, there are a ring of people who get next to both men and women, then clean them out. Makes this world even a tougher place to trust people, or know what they will do, especially in light of the Colorado shooting. How senseless and tragic.

I think we have learned if your going to date you need to get a security deposit and carry a taser .

Or, maybe... If I am approached by a guy online whose picture is that of someone who would not look twice at me in a bar/club/grocery store, then red flags absolutely NEED to go up. And stay there.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I've been on the POZ personals site, looking for friends or just people to chat with. I've noticed several people who say they don't know when they were diagnosed. I always thought that was strange. How would you not know the year you were dx'd, especially if you're 20 years-old? But, I guess that is an option the site gives people to say. I've also noticed town names that are misspelled in profiles.

When vacationing in Florida, I noticed a profile with the exact same profile pic as one I often see from here in Kentucky. The KY profile says he lives here. The FL profile says he lives there. I didn't think much of it--he may have a vacation home down there. I struck up a conversation. Eventually, I asked him about the the two different profiles. He stopped communication, after that. So, I think something was up. At the exact same time, the KY profile said he was in KY, while the FL profile said he was currently in FL. This happened another time. That time, the guy acted surprised, saying someone must be using his pic.

A hundred years ago when I got out of college, I took a job in our local newspaper. The paper wanted to increase their revenues by adding a Personals section. The employees were all asked to write a few to get the ball rolling. Mine was:

A couple of years ago, I went to a seminar on internet advertising at either the Local Sheraton or Hilton. It was dull, the dinner was garbage and the conference room was filled with people who were retired, living on fixed incomes. The theme was buy a domain name from us, we will build your site and charge a fee to manage the site. I got 2 things from that seminar:

1. The Sheraton or Hilton should be embarrassed over the food coming out of their kitchens.

2. The first scene in their presentation was a cartoon of 2 dogs. One dog was on the computer and the other one said, "They don't know we are dogs" Have the best dayMichael

Here is another one Miss Em. The story was on all the networks the other day. It was called the largest child porn sting in California history. I think 17 men were arrested in their homes in several bay area cities. Law enforcement tracked them through Craigslist. Neighbors of the men charged were interviewed. One said, he seemed so nice and quiet, we always saw him through the window on his computer and just thought he was a geek. Have the best dayMichael

Just as a sidenote. This guy was reported to Poz Personals a few days ago and still is on the site, actually on line. After reading his profile again, he states he doesn't even "know" if he is HIV+ bearing the question, why are you on a POZ site?If Poz Personals allows people like this and doesn't do any thing maybe our moderators can!

There are men looking for women who have profiles in which they state they are negative on the site. I figure they are either a) hard up and/or b) figure they're gonna get some extra feel good out of dipping down to give a hand to some poor babe who would be gaga over such an open-minded guy, or c) he's a financial parasite eslithering about for a meal.

There are men looking for women who have profiles in which they state they are negative on the site. I figure they are either a) hard up and/or b) figure they're gonna get some extra feel good out of dipping down to give a hand to some poor babe who would be gaga over such an open-minded guy, or c) he's a financial parasite eslithering about for a meal.

d) teene peenees.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

If Poz Personals allows people like this and doesn't do any thing maybe our moderators can!

Hmm... well, it doesn't really work like that. There was a day when POZ and AIDSmeds were two totally different sites. Peter Staley (awesome activist - google him) started AIDSmeds in.... 2000? Maybe 1999. Dunno. Don't remember. I landed here in March 2001. The site was much, much smaller back then and the forums were an old-fashioned affair and difficult to navigate. Then in the summer of 2001 Peter changed the forums to software called FuseTalk and the place took off.

In 2006 (or was it 2005?) Peter sold AM to POZ and in some ways, AM is still a separate site*. The forums, despite the URL (forums.poz.com/), belong to the AM side of things. Don't ask me to supply all the details, cuz stuff like that just falls outta my head. Tim, Andy and I don't have anything to do with the running of POZ personals. I guess that's the top and bottom** of it, but now you kinda know why.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

A hundred years ago when I got out of college, I took a job in our local newspaper. The paper wanted to increase their revenues by adding a Personals section. The employees were all asked to write a few to get the ball rolling. Mine was:

A couple of years ago, I went to a seminar on internet advertising at either the Local Sheraton or Hilton. It was dull, the dinner was garbage and the conference room was filled with people who were retired, living on fixed incomes. The theme was buy a domain name from us, we will build your site and charge a fee to manage the site. I got 2 things from that seminar:

1. The Sheraton or Hilton should be embarrassed over the food coming out of their kitchens.

2. The first scene in their presentation was a cartoon of 2 dogs. One dog was on the computer and the other one said, "They don't know we are dogs" Have the best dayMichael

I've met my boyfriend on a site and I had reservations for letting him stay the night. I guess I was mostly afraid that he would steal my stuff while I was asleep. But the next morning we woke up and he said, "thanks for not killing me" or something to that effect. I was surprise for that thought was in the back of my head also. I'll spare the details of my imagination. But we are together and in love.

At my age I figure the odds of finding a mate on a social site or anywhere else are about equal to finding a honest politician.

Hey Pilot, Of course a real lady never tells her age but, in your opinion, what age is the appropriate cut off age for finding someone on (lets say) Craigslist to date? I wonder if the same rules would apply on Christian Mingle Have the best dayMichael

Michael, at my age of late fifties, it is just about impossible since from my experience the only ones you find on those sites are phonies and people my age who think they will be attractive to men half their age. Not to mention the poz factor thrown in. The only thing I get from them is the humor of people thinking they are going to find anyone for real. Some of the ads crack me up. But as some would say nothing ventured nothing gained. I would not bet the farm on any social site being for real and that includes poz personals.

As I suspected, I am older than you. When I was your age, I opened a profile on a gay dating site instead of Poz Personals because it limits the possible number of contacts by my estimate of 40%.

My searches were limited to 50 miles with an age range of 45-65, I blocked every profile which for any reason, would not be suitable in a person to grow old and die with. Everyone says they like someone with a sense of humor, the gentleman who responded to "I'm bold, brash and obnoxious in public, when could we meet?" is the love of my life (several years). Have you ever seen the reflection of someone looking at you when they are not aware you see them. That defines how they really feel about you and finding a person who sparkles and shines as they introduce you close friends is hard work, but worth the effort.

Having left Los Angeles for small town USA a dozen years ago, I went on a site which was an early version of Gay.com and I got a few nice dates, like dinner in the Napa Valley and a weekend in a Sonoma Coast farmhouse with the author of some books on outdoor entertaining. He checked out with over 50 titles at Barnes and Noble but other dates were second to a good book, you will kiss frogs enroute Have the best dayMichael

I currently have a profile on pozpersonals. I have met some nice guys there, but also some conceited assholes. I'm amazed not only at the level of discrimination that exists in the gay community toward hiv+ people, but also at the sheer rudeness of poz people toward people who are also struggling with this disease. I make it a point to at least respond to all messages I get, but occasionally am not granted the same courtesy when I send a message out. It's sad, but I guess it's the nature of our culture.

HIV+ people suffer much higher rates of depression than negative people. This is often reflected in sketchy dating behavior. It's not rocket science to figure out it's not really a matter of lacking proper etiquette. Add in higher alcohol/substance abuse to the equation as well.

And, of course, someone can suddenly suffer some physical malady and not want to deal with replying to their old personals listing, etc.

At the end of the day nobody is forcing any of us to use internet dating sources, you can figure some way to meet people in person.

My best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was scammed out of several hundred dollars on PozPersonals. The guy misrepresented himself - Oh, he was very good looking, but a total hustler. And sadly. my best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was trusting and naive.

Sites like that are RIFE for hustlers and scammers. Why? Because they can often find older or insecure or closeted (about their sexual orientation, marital status, and/or HIV status.) The end result is often identify theft, blackmail, or worse.

Luckily my best friend's (now very ex) boyfriend was only out about five hundred bucks by the end of the ordeal. Even though he FLEW the guy to Atlanta, showed him the town for a week, and gave him the run of his place. He ws lucky the damage wasn't much, much worse. Lethal even.

I submit that people who choose to advertise on PozPersonals (or ANY site for people with a stigma-associated ailment {or of course any online dating site, period}) need to tread especially carefully.

That having been said, I am very sorry for that awful experience. It's not fair, and it's not right.

Having common sense goes a long way to avoid those situations.

Logged

Pray God you can copeI know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.

Michael, at my age of late fifties, it is just about impossible since from my experience the only ones you find on those sites are phonies and people my age who think they will be attractive to men half their age. Not to mention the poz factor thrown in. The only thing I get from them is the humor of people thinking they are going to find anyone for real. Some of the ads crack me up. But as some would say nothing ventured nothing gained. I would not bet the farm on any social site being for real and that includes poz personals.

I belong to a support group and it's gross how all the older guys flock over to the new young guys that come and scare them away into never coming back. That's why the average age is around 60 there. People want younger and better looking than themselves. That's why if a guy in his 20's shows up he won't ever be seen again. There is one good looking guy in his 30's there, but maybe he is just happy with the attention, otherwise it's hard for someone under 50 to come back more than once.

Here's a story of two guys who are older and not attractive, not even their personalities. One guy in his late 60s or 70s illegally went to Cuba through Mexico and talked about how nice the guys were. Of course they were nice, they were hookers. Another guy about the same age was talking about a married 23 year old guy coming over on his birthday and him trying to talk him into F'ing him bareback. Maybe he paid more for that.

One guy in his late 40's came in one time, he seemed like he was hyped up on something and the only thing he wanted to know was where to find guys in their 20's. It just seems to me that a lot of older gay guys in their mid 60's and up are mostly a-holes.

People think they are better than they are and want to date younger and hotter than themselves. I just want a nice guy who is around my age.

This week a thing that looks like the fat monster from the first Hellraiser movie got mad at me when I made a silly joke.

« Last Edit: August 10, 2012, 03:42:41 PM by LiveWithIt »

Logged

Pray God you can copeI know you have a little life in you yet. I know you have a lot of strength left.

LMFAO, I'm under 50 and would never allow someone else determine if I would return. Do the modern day young fags not have the balls to speak up? What a terrible opinion you have of older gay men. I know a few and they don't usually behave in this manner. But I guess if you're in a meat market, you might need to accept that some of the meat might be aged.

From what I can ascertain, LiveWithIt has been living with "it" for at least 15 years, so unless he was infected when he was 10 years old he can't be a spring chicken himself.

But irregardless, an HIV support group IMO shouldn't be used as a dating service. If you're sitting there sizing up every member's appearance, age, and dating potential there's something wrong with you.