Chris Kelly: Evans follows Doherty lead, abandons ship

Like Playboy subscribers who claim they buy it for the articles, most people who say they've read "Moby-Dick" are full of blubber.

At more than 900 pages (the whale first surfaces on page 494 in most editions), Melville's mammoth masterwork is rightly regarded as a milestone of western literature. Still, the best reason to read to its bitter end is the dubious satisfaction of having crossed the finish line.

Oh, you climbed Everest? Yeah, I read "Moby-Dick" cover to cover.

Thanks for playing.

The Reader's Digest version of the Cliff's Notes: Man named Ahab loses ship and a leg to whale. Man becomes obsessed with killing whale. Man loses another ship and his life to whale hundreds of pages later. The only soul left to tell the tale is a narrator named Ishmael, who probably stayed afloat by clinging to a thesaurus. His editor apparently went down with the ship.

History bulges with examples of dysfunctional, co-dependent relationships: Romeo and Juliet. Marc Antony and Cleopatra. Burton and Taylor. Oscar and Felix. Batman and the Joker. Barbie and Ken. Cordaro and Munchak. Bob Mellow, Hometown Hero and his alter-ego, Bob Mellow, Federal Felon.

These are all great vehicles for plumbing the depths of personal obsession, but none holds a candle to the tale of the great white whale and the doomed hunter who chased him to the bottom of the sea.

Only the starcrossed yarn of Chris and Janet can climb waves that high.

Scranton City Council President Janet Evans failed to file nominating petitions last week, ending speculation about whether she might seek re-election. It was no surprise to anyone who pays even occasional attention to city politics.

Her arch-nemesis, Mayor Chris Doherty, announced two months ago that he won't seek a fourth term. Where would Scranton's angriest Ahab thrust her harpoon if Moby Mayor swam into history?

Without Mr. Doherty in City Hall, Mrs. Evans would lose her golden scapegoat. She might actually have to accept some responsibility for the sorry state the city is in, something she has not done in her 10 grinding years on council.

Janet Evans has finally become as tired as her excuses.

Her taste for self-aggrandizing hyperbole and revisionist history lives on.

"I will leave knowing that I have accomplished my goals to expose the true financial state of our city, to halt unbridled spending, to provide labor peace, to restore decorum to council meetings, and to provide transparency and accountability to taxpayers, among many others," she said Tuesday.

Where to begin?

Let's take it from the top.

The financial state of the city has been officially and very publicly distressed for more than 20 years. Claiming you exposed something so widely known is like publishing a calendar and taking credit for the arrival of spring. Christmas is Dec. 25th. Tell your friends, and make sure you send Mrs. Evans a thank you card if it happens as scheduled.

Mrs. Evans' claim that she halted unbridled spending is also laughable. Mr. Doherty deserves most of the blame for loading the boat down with unsupportable debt, but her answer was punching holes in the hull. Her grandstanding dismantling of the Scranton Parking Authority, for example, will cost taxpayers dearly for decades.

Mrs. Evans' attempt to give council solicitor Boyd "Bombs Away" Hughes a 67 percent raise when the city could barely afford gas for its police cars and fire engines was hardly the act of a fiscal watchdog. Mr. Hughes has since made a small fortune representing council in self-made messes like the SPA demolition.

And labor peace? Please. Mrs. Evans was the police and fire unions' most reliable ally on council. She and Mr. Doherty have pretended that huge raises set to kick in next year won't require massive tax increases. They are kicking the can down the road, cynically leaving the tough choices ahead to their successors and the taxpayers.

Mrs. Evans restored decorum at council meetings by helping create an atmosphere allergic to thinking people. When the only regulars are the same dozen dullards who can't say enough about how great you are, it's easy to keep the peace. Citizens who disagree with Mrs. Evans' agenda but never show up to challenge it are just as guilty.

Participatory democracy requires participants. Say what you will about the "Legion of Doom," but at least they show up.

The capper of Mrs. Evans' comments was her claim of providing "transparency and accountability to taxpayers." That is rich coming from a retired Scranton School District department chairwoman who campaigned and sat on council for at least two years while claiming she was too ill to teach. Mrs. Evans has repeatedly refused to reveal the status of her workers' compensation claim against the district.

Secrecy and evasion are polar opposites of transparency and accountability. Mrs. Evans' refusal to come clean on her compensation claim makes a mockery of both concepts and plays taxpayers for fools.

Objective reality has rarely been kind to Mrs. Evans - or Mr. Doherty, for that matter. As a sea of debt threatened to drown the city last year, They were forced into an alliance that produced a recovery plan that is less credible than a children's book, a sad final chapter to a saga that can't end soon enough.

Ahab finally landed Moby Mayor. Notice that neither is going down with the ship.

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