Is is Your will, Father, that I suffer by showing will power
and not giving in to the desires of my flesh which leads me to men?
Or is it Your will, Father, that I suffer within myself the emptiness
and lonliness I've found by following the desires of my flesh
which led me to men?
It is written:
But it is no shame to suffer for being a Christian. Praise God
for the privelage of being called by his wonderful name for
the time has come for judgment, and it must first begin among
God's own children and if we Christians must be judged,
what terrible fate awaits those who have never heard God's
Good News?
And, "if the righteous are barely saved,
what chance will the godless and sinners have?"
So if you are suffering according to
God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself
to the God who made you, for he will never fail you.
1 Peter 4:16-19
So suffering according to what is right, Father.
And we all know that Jesus told us that we would suffer for
believing and following him.
For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only
to believe in him, but also to suffer for him.
Philippians 1:29
What does the Bible say is the right way to suffer?
For it is better if it is God's will to suffer for doing good
than doing evil.
1 Peter 3:17
And what, Father do You consider evil?
And then he added, "It is the 'thought-life' that defiles you.
For from within, out of a person's heart, come evil thoughts,
sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, wickedness,
deceit, eagerness for lustful pleasure, envy, slander, pride and foolishness.
All these vile things come from within; they are what defile you and make you
unacceptable to God."
Mark 7:20-23
When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, your lives will produce
these evil results:
sexual immorality, impure thoughts, eagerness for lustful pleasure,
idolatry, participation in demonic activities, hostility, quarreling,
jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, divisions,
the feeling that everyone is wrong except those in your own
little group, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other kinds of sin.
Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that
sort of life will not inherit the kingdom of God.
But when the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this
kind of fruit in us:
love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,
and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.
Galatians 5; 19-23
Now for me, Father, as I've come to learn through reading this,
I realize it is better for me to suffer for being faithful and believing
homosexuality is a sin. And showing self control and not giving in to it.
Where in the Bible does it say homosexuality is a sin?
That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires.
Even the women turned against the natual way to have sex and instead
indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal
sexual relationships with women, burned with lust for each other.
Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result, suffered
within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved.
Romans 1: 26-27
For the Word of God is full of living power. It is sharper than the
sharpest knife, cutting deep into our innermost thoughts and desires.
It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can
hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes.
This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done.
Hebrews 4: 12-13
Yes, Father, Your Word penetrated me through my consciousness
and I felt guilty each time I engaged in sexual activity with men.
I became addicted to sex and sexual immorality and in this way
I suffered within myself as you abandoned me to my desires.
but You didn't completely abandon me, I still felt Your presence
in my guilt.
You were waiting for me to come around:)
Thank you so much, Father.
That is where I suffered for evil, because I gave into the
desires of my flesh.
I've made my choice, Father, and I choose to suffer for
good, for I know it is Your will that I refrain from
the temptation of my fleshly desire for men.
Jesus, Your Son, died for me. He gave his life for me
I have no problem giving up my sex life for You.
I've been down that road, I know where it led me.
It led me away from You.
Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Matthew 26:41
And O do I know how weak the flesh can be.
I needed sex to feel loved.
And used drugs that fueled my lustful desire.
We all know the story, Father, and now we all know
why I believe homosexuality is a sin.
And why I believe it must not be taught it isn't a sin.
Because it is a sin.
And I have no problem with those who do whatever
they choose to do.
I'm not blasting them at all.
If it is Your will, Father,
by the power of The Spirit of Christ,
may The Spirit continue to empower me
to reflect its goodness.
And may The Spirit continually make me aware
of the things around me and people around me
who/that lead me away from you.
And if it is Your will, Father
by the power of The Spirit of Christ,
continue helping me to love.
I need it, Father.
I ask this in Jesus' name,
Amen!
Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God Almighty,
Who was, and is, and is to come.