My arms aren't big enough to match my thighs

Monthly Archives: October 2013

Some big big with his Asian girlfriend walk up. It’s 2:45. We stop serving at 2:30. The lights come on at 2:30. By 3:00 we have everybody out and we are sweeping.

He tries to walk through me. I respond by lightly touching his chest and saying “I’m sorry, but we are closed”. He responds by chuckling and saying “Nah dude I’m coming in”. I repeat myself. I am being very polite. His Asian girlfriend is appalled. She also says “We ARE coming in”. I apologize once more and say “I’m sorry, but we don’t let people in after 2:30. We aren’t serving and we are about to get everybody out”.

He tries to use his size to intimidate me. He is easily 6’4 250+

He says that he knows the owner (there are like 6 btw). I say “I can’t let you in I am sorry”. He tells me to go get the owner. I remind him that I can’t leave my spot and that he is just going to have to call him. He laughs. Once more he tells me to go get him. I repeat myself.

He then tells me to go get the manager, but he is inside bartending. He says that he knows I am doing my job and he understands that, but I need to let him in. I let him know that his statement doesn’t make sense and if he knows that I am doing my job he also knows I can not let him in.

We repeat this cycle for about 2 more minutes. This whole time I have my hockey mask on. He then tells me to take it off so he can see who he is talking to and so that I can look at him like a man. I take it off. He laughs when I do. As if this is supposed to mean I am ugly? I KNOW that’s false. I want to tell him he looks like a milk-dud. I don’t. We maintain eye contact when I take my mask off. He says “O it’s like that huh?” as if I am supposed to be again intimidated. I am not worried. What is he going to do? Beat me up to get into a bar? He is huge. Chances are he would have hurt me. Chances are he knows this and can’t afford to do so.

He then asks for one more guy that works there and I tell him AGAIN that I am sorry that I can’t let him in. He is flustered on his phone trying to text anyone he can.

Eventually he just goes around back and walks in. I can’t leave my spot so I am not going to chase him around. He goes to some of the other employees and complains that I am an asshole and that I am a piece of shit. My friend who bartends tries to mediate and let him know I am a nice guy etc. He introduces us. His name is **Guy**. I give him a half assed handshake. My friend is an awesome guy. He just didn’t want any drama. Apparently though I needed to know who this guy was. He is an owners friend. THAT’S IT. A friend. A guy who comes in with an entitled attitude and demands free shit and treats the staff (myself and the other bouncer) like crap. My friend owns this bar SO THAT MUST MEAN HIS EMPLOYEES KNOW WHO I AM. Your ego MUST BE SO FUCKING HUGE if you walk up to a stranger and say “DO YOU NOT KNOW WHO I AM?”. There’s no fucking poster of faces in the back to tell us who is who. Not that this guy fucking matters. I tell the manager about it. He informs me that he appreciates that I do my job. He tells me not to worry about it. He shakes my hand and says thank you for doing the right thing.

It must be so fucking depressing to feel the need to be somebody. That guy had to keep his ego up by getting into a shitty dive bar that was past closing. I mean you must be such a fucking narcissistic loser to argue with a bouncer over getting in or not. One would think that if your friend owned a bar you would be cool to the staff and not try to intimidate the door guy that you don’t know.

Heres how it should have went:

Guy: Hey man whats up?Me: Hey dude. Sorry, but we are closed.Guy: That’s alright man. I understand. I’m actually close friend with “Owner”. My name is “Guy”. Nice to meet you. My girlfriend, my friend, and myself are trying to get in to see him.Me: I apologize man, but I can’t let you in.Guy: That’s cool man. You’re doing your job. Let me see if I can call him and get him to come let me in.Me: No problem.Guy: He didn’t answer. I know you really don’t know me, but I am not here to give you any trouble. Can I run in and say hello?Me: Since you are being polite about this go ahead man.

I say that’s how it should have went because my fake quote scenario has actually happened multiple times.

There was almost a giant brawl Saturday between some staff and this group of guys. It was going on right when we shut the music off. I kept yelling “He’s trying to kiss that guy! He tried to kiss me too! Look out for his kisses!”.

Another staff guy was shouting “Give em a smooch and show em who’s boss!”.