Thursday, February 08, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Still Dead

So it's only been about three hours since we lost her, but already the academic observation has been made numerous times that Anna Nicole is the Marilyn Monroe of our generation. I want to do my part and take a load off of Elton John as he prepares for the tribute he is to perform at the state funeral, so you heard it here first: Anna Nicole's very own alternate lyrics to CANDLE IN THE WIND...

Goodbye Anna NicoleThough I never knew you at allYou had the grace to wear hot pink spandex Even when you were the size of a mallYou wrote the book on golddiggingAnd the encyclopedia on train wreck TVYou were pretty much the only billionaireThat nobody else wanted to be

And it seems to me you lived your lifeLike a fart lit on fireNever knowing where to draw the lineWith the rat faced lawyer you hiredAnd I would have liked to tell youIf only Britney had made sure you'd knownThat farts fueled by taco bellBurn longer than with methadone