Tuesday, February 1, 2011

From the DailyKos

What kind of dog has no tail? A hot dog!
How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut!
Where do cows go on Saturday night? To the moooovies!

Ha! I just love those old Dixie Cup riddles, don’t you? Oh, the lazy afternoons I spent as a boy grinning from ear to ear while marveling at the universal wisdom of those witticisms. And who do we have to thank for them today? The Koch Brothers---Chuck and Dave, who own Dixie Cup maker Georgia-Pacific. Their daddy, Fred Koch, was a founding member of the John Birch Society, and those wacky values live on through his boys, most notably through their funding of the tea party movement, which never would've gotten off the ground without Koch money. Lots and lots of Koch money.

Anyway, the Koch bros just got done with their annual secret "Billionaires Caucus" strategic retreat in Palm Springs. It was just Dave and Chuck and no one else...except the entire conservative movement's major power players, a few thousand inconvenient protesters, and a bunch of police in riot gear. (Eat yer heart out, Egypt.)

During the event, in between drinking champagne out of Lynn Cheney's shoe and the traditional running of Phyllis Schlafly's Spanx up the flagpole, they apparently spent some time coming up with new Dixie Cup riddles. I have it on good authority that these might be coming to a supermarket aisle near you:

What did Barack Obama say when he led a government takeover of the phone companies? Kenya hear me now???

What do you call 30 million Americans making minimum wage? A good start!

What did the Republican say to BP after the it caused the worst oil spill in history? "Oily oily oxenfree!"

What do a lollipop and a corporation that pays taxes have in common? They're both suckers!

"Knock Knock." "Fuck off, peasant, this is a gated community and my butler has a taser!"

What word do the tea partiers and the coal industry have in common? "Mine!"

What do you say when you publicly rail against government spending while grabbing as much government money as possible? "Shhhhh! Not so loud!"

My Pledge to the Readers of this Blog

The progress of social justice is slow and measured. Its growth depends on an increasing number of us becoming aware of the truth and consequences of our actions.

I believe that it is morally wrong to allow our wanton desires to interfere with the basic needs and interests of other sentient beings.

I believe the physical and psychological abuse – confinement, social deprivation, mutilation, genetic and reproductive manipulation, and profit exploitation – imposed by us on other animals is morally wrong.

I believe the suggestion that the exploitation of other sentient beings by humans can be achieved without cruelty, violence, or injustice is false and misleading.

As an advocate for all life, committed to compassion and justice, I refuse to take part in the exploitation of other sentient beings or to collaborate with those caught up in such injustice.

I pledge to do my best to live a life that conveys a clear, sincere and uncompromised message that is free of resentment, fear, exploitation, anger, cynicism, and manipulation.

Furthermore, I pledge to continue to support a broad range of nonviolent initiatives and programs that will hopefully one day eliminate the needless pain and suffering we inflict upon all the many wonderful creatures with whom we share this planet.