Its only weird if it doesn’t work. Like most of America, I watched the Super Bowl yesterday. It seemed strange for a number of reasons, one being it was the fiftieth Super Bowl, and that somehow just does not seem possible? As I have been around for quite a few of them personally, and the numbers, well, they just sort of always add up not necessarily in my favor these days.

Another thing that was different is this. I hard drived the game (DVR’ed it) and did not actually watch the game as it unfolded and the drama increased, we watched the last three minutes of the contest and that was it. As I am not a great football fan anymore, I taped it in order to see the commercials, which I now consider to be the best part of all of it.

Funny how habits sort of get ingrained into a person. I am so used to “skipping the commercials” and watching the main body of the program. Now for this event, I had to reverse the procedure, and it took some getting used to. I finally managed to master it, but it was tough, that and seeing the Niner’s lose, I wasn’t all that keen on that either.

This is a pretty good video, it wasn’t on the Super Bowl, but you will find it amusing.

Shopping at the Costco Fish Market.

The Great American Free lunch: The Senate Budget Committee reports that in fiscal year 2011, between food stamps, housing support, child care, Medicaid, and other benefits, the average US household below the poverty line received $168 (my note, 7 days a week) in government support. What’s the problem with that much support?

Last time I even bothered to check, the median household income in America was just over $50,000 per year, which averages out to $137.13 per day. To put it another way, being on welfare now pays the equivalent of about $30 an hour for a 40-hour week, while the average job pays $25 an hour. And then there is the person who works who has to pay taxes, which drops the pay to $21 an hour.

It is no wonder that welfare is now the biggest part of the budget, more than Social Security or defense. And why would anyone want to get off welfare when working pays $9 an hour less.

Another great thing about welfare versus working … No drug screening for anyone, just sign up and wait on the money to come rolling in. For more of the report you can find it here.

Crayon’s before bullets:While I am up here on my soapbox. One of our American Hero’s was taken out this weekend by a gun, and there is more negative news about firearms in the media. It all seems so far fetched out of of sync for me. Our so-called cures for societal problems are directed at the symptoms rather than the causes. We can’t keep throwing money at a broken education system, or its victims. We can’t guarantee raising well-behaved, normal children in broken, drug-dependent or parentless families.

Taking guns from law-abiding citizens will only deepen the lawlessness of criminals. Taking God out of our schools and society, and legitimizing every type of deviant moral, physical and psychological behavior, dooms American society to a continued descent into more violence, self-centered behavior and immorality. Society won’t improve until America returns to her roots.

If we truly want to solve most of American society’s problems, return America to its founding principles. Otherwise, we commit societal suicide.

Munday-Munday: I got those wake up its early, wash behind your ears they’re dirty, eat your eggs and oatmeal, rush to work blues. I just do not do Monday’s all that well anymore … Most folks believe heart attacks occur on Monday, but the majority of them knock you down on Wednesday, not the first of the week as erroneously presumed. And they hit at 10 A.M. (or thereabouts) quick check your watch.

That is one of those mysteries of life, you know things that do not add up.

Why is it that every black guy in prison in the movies is named “Red?” That would be one. How come some guy born in Kansas City that happens to be black is now called an African American? He aint African anything. Why does the late Patrick Swayze look both ways before crossing the street in the movie Ghost? I mean hell, he is a ghost, an errant cab or a delivery truck cannot hurt him. Strange doin’s on a Monday.

One more and I am outta here … If evolution is true as they say, then why do Mother’s only have one set of hands?

Seems that ol’ Texas had been bragging that THEY had the hottest temperatures here recently, but NOTSOFAST says the bubble headed blonde weather person in Oklahoma ! It seems that y’all beat ‘em out by afew degrees, and alas, our daily rag failed to add the numbers into the article!!!

Heat really isn’t news around here, happens every year, in August it will get so hot that the asphalt will start to melt and that is no exaggeration. They are predicting that this year will be a banner year as far as the heat is concerned. So it appears that we are in for another one.

All of the Purple Martins showed up late this year, they mated, taught the youngsters how to hunt and fly, and have now departed. Last year they were here until the 13th of July, this year, they are all gone by the first of June. Once again, Mother Nature is telling us something, all you have to do is “tune in” and it is right there in front of your face.

Really do not know what to write about this morning.

I could briefly touch on this guy, where was it, South Florida? Anywho, he killed this guy and then ate him! Whooooie, scratch off South Florida off that vacation getaway list quickie pronto. Wonder if McDonalds is serving a “Happy To Be Alive Meal” there?

It is really anyone’s guess in this country any more, things are getting so bad in Detroit for instance that they are even killing the fish. They have no suspects, and those in charge are saying that “it is a naturally occurring process in nature.” Never mind the sixty top floaters in the one tank, the empty gallon bottle of Clorox and the crystal clear water.

How about the young mummy who put her five week old baby on the roof of the car in a baby seat and then drove off with the tot on her roof. Clearly this was not the sharpest knife in the drawer. “Honey have you seen our baby?”

This is week #2 since I made a abrupt exit from another website where they want it one way but demand that it be just the opposite. It literally amazes me the length and breadth that some people on the Internet will go to in order to enforce their version of the truth in order to win. It is times such as this, that the internet, trolls, websites with over-active moderators really suck.

The other thing that amazes me is the fact that they are doing battle over basically nothing, trivial unimportant matters and ideals. Hard fought battles for ownership of typically infertile ground … Where is the winner in that?

What seems to get me is somehow it is always a twisted version of so-called truth that is served up for me to eat, and I always find it somewhat unsavory or appealing.

Like Nicholson says in the movie … “A Few Good Men” … The truth? You can’t stand the truth, you don’t want the truth!”

So, like the gentleman that I am, gave them a piece of my mind, and then I just packed up and walked away. Put a filter on their spam notices and looking back on it all, it has been a quiet, good two weeks, I should have done this a long time ago.

Just checked Saturday’s lotto tickets, no winners, hell, not even close. It would be nice to just “be close” one time, but no such luck. Looks like y’all (Okie talk) are stuck with me for a few more weeks I am afraid. I am surely not complaining, don’t get me wrong, it could get a lot worse.

So Joey, that is the news from the Fly Over State, Oklahoma … Home of the OU Sooners, bad roads, and really big women!

Here is the news from your side of the country.

Ugly-ass coyote pups have been born in Golden Gate Park, this increases the total animal population to what, 13? The local homeless on the other hand, are not happy, and are demanding protection, and of course barbecue sauce. Here is the link pard, I am outta here. Once again, thanks for your comments, you write good comments.

Relatives can bring new meaning to the nations capitol and the papers are abuzz with rumors that Mr. Obama’s mother-in-law is going to move into the White House to take over the chore of raising the girls. Sounds kind of strange “the first girls” but we have a pair of them now, don’t we? Some idiots are even raising stink about putting the girls in “private schools” when Mr. Obama didn’t support vouchers for education.

Why not? It is a parents “moralresponsibility” to do the VERY BEST they can for their children, nothing wrong with it. It is a natural reaction and parental right of passage. So Mama is moving in with the clan? Big deal.

Jay Leno said that “Joe Biden was right: Hostile forces will test him (Obama) in the first few months.” And Letterman also jumped on the bandwagon this week with: “A mother-in-law in the White House? Honestly” I thought this was the administration that was against terror?” Why not? Marriage is just nature’s way of keeping people fighting (together) that are not total strangers.

I have it made, my mother-in-law lives in Taiwan, 18,000 miles away, she doesn’t speak English and we have never met. Not like my neighbor Bill, who gets a call from his every other day and she always says …. “Guess who died?” Who needs that?

My mother lives in California on the other side of the country, and she has called me consistently over the years, almost 50 of them, and she always says, “What time is it there?” and I always reply … “It is two hours different mom, it is always gonna be two hours different.”

Mothers. I have always kind of secretly wished that I was born a girl, so I could be out on a drive with my mother, and pull into a Strip Joint for men and then say, “I will be right back, I just got to dash in and pick up my paycheck.” But I am a sick puppy, everyone knows that.

Stupid crook time, I love stooooopid crooks!

Anchorage Alaska. A robber here chose the wrong victims: a commercial fisherman and an amateur hockey player. The fight outside a hotel here included biting and scratching and ended with a knockout punch, and police said suspect Terry Butler woke up in a closet with a security guard standing over him. He was charged with assault and two counts of robbery. The next time he asks someone “who had the steak and who had the fish? Gimme your wallet! He will be a little bit more considerate, I’ll bet.”

Grounded And Stuck On The Tarmac

Corporate jets are hitting the auction block, owners of private jets are rushing to put them up for sale. Like rats leaving a sinking ship, it is not “fashionable” to have your own private jet these days. In November 16% of all the jets in the private sector were up for sale, about 2,541 of them.

Channel Check

Dancin’ With The Stars wrapped up this week, the blond and the kid won it. 20.6 million viewers. There was other good news … Rosie tanked on NBC which proves without a shadow of a doubt that American’s are tired of her rant. I kept thinking of that lipstick and farm animal line, what was that? Oh never mind.

Britney is making a comeback, and I guess it is me, but somehow this time, I just kind of hope the kid can pull it off. I am like that; secretly I yearned for years to have Charlie Brown kick that dog-gone football one time, before Lucy snatched it away! Call me romantic or whatever, I always seem to be in the corner of the under-dog. B’sides, she’s got nice ta-ta’s and Charlie Brown didn’t.

Bad Parenting 101

Cape Coral Florida, kind of funny and at the same time, pretty sad. An intoxicated man had his 9-year-old son take him on a beer run, authorities said. Joshua Fagan, 24, was arrested after police spotted a pickup truck drive onto a median. Fagan told officers he was teaching the boy to drive, but police said the man’s speech was slurred, his breath smelled of alcohol and he could not stand without swaying. An open case of beer was in the back seat, police said.

The highly inebriated passenger was sitting there with a Budweiser Label affixed to his forehead and told the officers, “It could not have been him, he was on the patch.” But I understand he went to jail anyway. Did you notice? He was “24” and his kid was “9” what does that tell you about the south?

Keep It Local

Some folks did not appreciate me picking on West “By Gawd” Virginia as they put it in their emails this week. Said that I should look at my own home state, Oklahoma. And they are right. We aren’t so great. Here you go! A quick snap-shot of the Sooner Nation (as they call it), the Home of The Grapes Of Wrath, OU Football and Mattress Bros. Furniture where you always get the best deal on a bedroom workbench (you figure it out, it’ll come to ya).

Our recently looted basketball team from the Northwest that we paid “millions for” is currently losing, rather steady like, and is now ranked what? 79th in the nation. But they are still picking up our trash it just costs more now. All the Republican bloggers have grown strangely quiet and reserved since the election and have settled down into a sort of quiet before the storm mode. Their collective yawp has diminished some. If you are an Okie on an airliner and it starts a rapid decent, and you are destined to crash, you do not know if you are going to heaven or hell …. All you know is you will be going thru Dallas first. That is still the same.

The rising tide of the Obama win didn’t lift our boats all that much, we have our share of homeless, churches struggling to feed people, we are now first in highest percentage of uninsured families in the country (health care), first in locking women up in our prisons, and believe it or not, we are first in grandparents raising school age children in the nation. We used to be first in teenage pregnancy and/or divorces, but I have not heard anything on those items lately, will let you know.

Most of the big name stores at the Mall have moved out, loaded to the gills with shoe stores now. In bad times, about the only constant is shoes, people can still afford a pair of shoes. Not much more than that. Don’t seem to find any pennies in the parking lots anymore. People are stopping to pick them up and put them in their pockets now, months ago, they laid there ripe for the picking, now they are scarce.

New Chevy Dealer opened north of town, but GM won’t floorplan him any inventory. How do you run a car dealership without cars, this a new wrinkle in our expanding, recovering, bailed out half-sunk economy? The news still comes on at five. It is as always, live, local, late breaking, and boring as well you know, why bother?

We lead or are now finding ourselves in the top 47th or 48th spot for heart attacks and obesity, ranked as one of the “most unhealthiest states in the USA” to live (thank God for Mississippi and Alabama and yes, West “By Gawd” Virginia, or we would be number one in that too), and we have more Indian Casino’s than anywhere in the country.

Like this:

June 17, 2008

The other day the doorbell rang, when I opened it, there stood three of the neighborhood kids.Nicholas, Ray, and Savannah.They looked up at me and said, “Can we come in and see the birds?”

I have two parrots, one an African Grey named Popeye and a Blue and Gold McCaw that is named Mo.So I looked down at them and said, “I dunno, maybe you better ask your parents first.”

To which Ray, the apparent ring leader in the red shirt said, “We already did, and they said it was alright.”

So I took him at his word and allowed them access to the house.

We are looking at the birds and everything seems to be alright, when the doorbell rings again.So I go to the door.This time I find two very apprehensive mothers looking for their kids.It turns out that no one knew where anyone was, and of course, there was some tension in the air.

So after the children were properly indoctrinated into the ways of the world, it also became my turn to understand as an adult, what my role in all this was too.

A couple of days later, the doorbell rings.

Again, it is the two dinkers from next door, Nicholas & Ray-Ray, so I say, “What do you want?” and here it comes, “We want to see the birds.”So I say, “Yeah?Last time you wanted to see those birds, you two dinkers got me in a whole lotta hot water with your Mama.You ask your Mama if you could come over here and see my birds?”

To which Ray-Ray the apparent ring leader in the red shirt, replies, “Yes.We asked her and she said it was alright.” So I say, “Yeah?That is what you said “last time” and I got into a bunch of trouble. You aint story-tellin me are ya?”

So Ray looks at me and says …. “No honest, we aint lyin’ this time Mr. Smith.”

From the mouth of babes … You want to know about the world?Ask a kid, kids have all the answers.I recently came across this and I will share it with you.The ocean according to kids…

This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

Oysters’ balls are called pearls.(Jerry, age 6)

If you are surrounded by ocean you are an Island.

If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne, age 7)

Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more.(Kylie, age 6)

A dolphin breaths through an a**hole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs.(Millie, age 6)

When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

I’m not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can’t think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock.

They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)

Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat a**. (Julie, age 7)

The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. (Bobby, age 6)

My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

I eventually showed them the birds, but I made them “crosstheir hearts and made them swear to hope to die” just to make sure.