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that day…

I was in a drought. I could have gotten bitter and depressed. It would have been easy to settle in that empty place. There are dry seasons when we feel empty, but that is not the end of the story. Rain is coming. The scripture says, “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

In the natural, rain can take a dry, barren place and bring new life. It may have been that way for a month, a year or even 20 years, but when the rain comes, things that seem dead begin to bloom, blossom and flourish. They just needed some rain. You may think life is over and done in the loss of a loved one, loss of a dream, loss of a relationship, feeling lonely and empty. But no, all you need is some rain. The God we serve is saying, “I’m going to send rain to your barren places. It’s not over. I’m going to rain down new opportunities, new relationships, new ideas and new dreams.”

Today, if you’re in that dry place. Know that joy is coming. You may be in a drought, but rain is headed your way. This is your year to bloom, to blossom, to flourish. It’s your year to see new growth and new opportunities. God is going to give you beauty for those ashes, and the end of the drought will come!

“. . . weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5, KJV)

I read this message and all I could do was think. Think back and remember.

On this day, seven years ago I entered my drought. Let me explain. After a few, dry days it became bad. My health had slowly been declining over several weeks, and this was the day I would finally find out what was slowing me down, and keeping me on my knees.

I was completely unprepared. A independent, 26 year old. Just bought a home on my own, a kick ass job with a equally amazing wage. A brand new car, with 24 miles on the speedometer. Steady boyfriend of four years, a life just beginning. Talks of marriage and babies, growing old and being together. Even shared a cell phone plan. If that’s not love…

Had a bad day one day, came home from work and immediately called for that following evening. When you work a 12 hour graveyard shift, it’s only right to give lots of notice. I proceeded to lay in bed for the next three days, with the a/c blowing on my back. My sister’s brother finally talked me into getting medical help. A few hours in the ER, with a prescription for steroids and a referral. Go see your PCP. Maybe a eye doctor.

After another of many appointments, I finally get into see a Ophthalmologist. That doctor was beyond cute. That’s why my Granny likes to see him. That’s a story for another time. Back to the visit. Dr Cutie walks in, and within minutes he simply says that just looking at my test, and the way my eyes respond is different. The way that the double vision is acting acts like MS. I believe a MRI is in order, and a visit to a neurologist is in order. Simple as that. I do as he says, the first of MANY MRI’s … with contrast … and a appointment scheduled.

Several weeks I wait.

Finally it’s the day. September 10, 2007. I check in, and I wait. Seeing this DR was a blessing, for sure. One of few down sides to such an amazing specialist is that the later in the day you are set to see him, the longer you wait. When you see a man like that, you get your money’s worth. I wasn’t in a hurry to get in that office anyway.

Finally, the door opens and out he walks. Didn’t send a nurse, just him. We walk straight to the computer in his office, and on the screen is a blob. “This is your MRI. Here you can see that on your brain there are several lesions, these white spots. I can tell by looking at these test that you do, in fact have Multiple Sclerosis. We are going to get you started on a med ASAP. Rebif. You’ll give yourself shots three times a week. The med is free for the first two years, so we can find out if it is going to work for you. A nurse will come and train you on how to do it. I do a free clinic once a week, which is next week. Talk to Tabitha, she’ll get you set up on everything.”

There was much more to the than that, just didn’t obtain it all. After hearing that, I was in shock. HOW?!! WHY?! I was a powerful, healthy 26 year old woman. Just purchased a home on my own, bought a new car. Worked a fantastic job that had a even better paycheck. A great boyfriend of four years, we were talking marriage and babies. We even shared a cell phone plan. It was love. Life was perfect. This can not be happening to me!!

I walk out of his office, with a bunch of paperwork to get started with for the whirlwind that was about to start. The sister’s brother is waiting outside, and doesn’t say a word. He only asks if I am ok, and I didn’t know how to answer that question.

Finally get home, not sure what or how to say what it is or how I am. What the hell was MS anyway? Was it going to kill me, was I going to end up in a nursing home?! Did I need to get a wheel chair? Would I walk at all?! What about my future, all my plans?! Can I even have children, would they get this too? How do I tell people? What do I tell them?! Are people going to treat me different? Look at me differently? I don’t want to be noticed for that. A disability. One I know nothing about. I just wanted to be normal.

Little did I know, that wasn’t in the future for me.

As hard as it was to hear, it was even harder to say. Telling my mom what I had just heard was horrible. She just cried. It wasn’t fair. I was young, she was old. Why couldn’t it be her? I hated that I had to be strong.

I was breaking, no, broken. This was life changing, and I understood that. Just couldn’t wrap my head around why everyone else was so upset. It was my world that was rocking. Caring about me is nice, but the reactions from my loved ones was one of a death sentence. I was treated like I had days, hours left to live. They had given me an accelerated case of it, and within minutes I would be cripple. Hours? I’d be a shriveled up, decaying blob of the person I used to be.

Anger set in, for lots of reasons. All of them wrong. My special ex brother in law walks in and tells me that it’s unfair that I am going to die so young. No, I will be alive in prison for a long time after I kill you. Leave me alone!! After they whoa is me was done, the fact that everyone could and would now catch it was next. Super contagious, incredibly lethal. That was me. More like confused, scared and hurt.

I sat there for hours, stunned. As I thought about 5,382,857 different scenarios, it hit me that the date was kind of ironic. 9/11 was a life changing event for the world. As that date grows closer by the minute, the fact that 9/10 was my life changing day. The world was never the same after either of those dates. One for millions, the other just me.

“. . . weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Psalm 30:5, KJV)

I love that story. That after seven years of hard times, the rain will come and good things are coming your way. Today, this day, is my seven year mark. As hard as it’s been, the trials and tribulations, it has shaped me into a better person. My faith tells me that the good is coming, and I will be blessed.