Badass Entries

Sunday, July 09, 2006

To Truly Live

Life is unknown.

I am in another mood entirely. I want to spew stuff forth that may or may not be coherent but spew them forth I shall. To give you an idea of the mood I find gripping my psyche, I present a pleasant summary via a conversation with a female:

I, Maddog: hi5a female: what is this hi5 thing for?I, Maddog: It is called a high five.I, Maddog: An American traditiona female: but why so many?a female: in a good mood?I, Maddog: There is many things to exchange such hi5s forI, Maddog: I am rarely in a good moodI, Maddog: Right now I hi5 because I want to.I, Maddog: I do not want to low10 or sideways 2.5I, Maddog: I want to hi5a female: awesome. I want to do some PwNiNgI, Maddog: It is this hi5ing I do because I want to, not because I am in a mood to do so nor because it is something I feel I need to do. It is something that is done merely for the action of doing it. It is done for the moment...a female: I totally PwN j00!

While asinine may prove to be a more adept description, veracious is still an adjective which may find a home nestled next to the word "conversation". It is a portrayal and while that portrayal may be of something of no value it is a portrayal none the less.

I am constantly surprised and stunned to see those around me, my peers, shun certain facts and aspects merely because it is convenient for them to do so. They wish to be ignorant when they know such ignorance is both costly and foolish and yet they persist. It is either from fear or selfish desires. In fact, it could be argued with sound logic that fear is bred from selfish desires as well. But I digress.

There are those who choose to ignore that life is happening to them. They choose to ignore that there is a time when one cross a threshold from a world where decisions are made for you into a world where you must make the decisions yourself. I have seen friends who cling onto the last remnants of that world, where they desire to be oblivious about the future and merely want to live with everything they may obtain now. I have two examples:

#1 is someone who is a classic pothead. I've had numerous conversations with this person and I am surprised with each one. It is a fascinating look into the mind of someone who would indulge in behaviors that only serve to benefit them now and ignore all else. This person has stated several times that they knew they must grow up soon. They know that they need to embrace life and figure out what it is they are going to do. But for now they don't want to worry about it, they merely want to enjoy what they can now. To them, they do not want to enter a world of responsibility or choice. They choose to escape.

And what is it they are escaping from? It's life. Some may say "but they are doing what they want! They are living how they want". But these aren't lifestyles based around accepting life, they are lifestyles based around ignoring life. They aren't really living. And they know it, they've told me the life gets old, that they've done things that have scared them. I've heard about when they almost overdosed, they were petrified of dying. They've told me that they know at some point, "[they] have to settle down and truly live".

They are an ostrich, with the head buried in the sand to avoid everything else around them. Do not kid yourselves, these are not people who are happy. These are people who are postponing emotions.

#2 is a person who simply chooses to shun everything. They ignore a future, decisions, pains, responsibility, everything that makes life so wonderful. They choose to simply escape because they are afraid of crossing that threshold into a place where they are now responsible for their own lives. You see these kind of people often, these are people who do not live out their potential. They ignore the maturity that is required to handle life. They live in a bubble world, where nothing differs and everything is as it was. It is a kind of nescience, a doctrine of knowing nothing in the belief that nothing can be known. One might argue that the underlying theme is ignorance is bliss if one was wanting to use a terrible cliche, however useful said cliche might be.

They have said that they "fear growing up". What limits! What shackles that have been willfully clamped to ones potential simply because such potential may posses a certain amount of inherent uncomfortableness. A human soul bounded in a self-made prison, for such a prison it is. They do not want to live. They fear living. They fear the real.

I am tired of seeing these kind of youth, people who do not embrace a drive to succeed or live. They want things to stay the same, to be convient. Nothing should change, nothing should be uncomfortable, nothing should be risked. I see kids who are putting off college, who still hang around skateboard parks and who still exist in that realm where nothing else matters but them. It's a fantasy realm where everything is known and everything safe. They are ostriches, sand full of heads.

Escape. These youth keep wanting to escape. Escape from their reality, from hard work, from the path that's in front of them. They take the blue pill and go back to sleep, living in the dreamworld that is safe and comfortable and confining and numbing. These youth don't want to truly live. Because to truly live, is to truly embrace the ability to fail, to lose, to be hurt. It is to embrace fear itself. Fear of the different, the change, the risks, the unknown.