(1) “My mother wants to have the dog's
tail operated on again, and if it doesn't heal this time, she'll have to be put
away.” (2) “The bride was wearing a gorgeous old lace gown that fell to the
floor as she came down the aisle.” (3) In an East African newspaper: “A new
swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the
bulk of their workers.”

REALLY DUMB TIMES TWO

Vermont police
stopped Erik Polite, 35, after clocking him doing 106 mph. And, while he did a
breathalyzer test, which he flunked, his passenger, Leeshawn Baker, 34, who was
also later determined drunk, hopped into the driver’s seat and took off.
Driving in reverse, he crossed two lanes of traffic and slammed into the
median. (Found inside their car: 79 oxycodone pills, about 50 Percocet pills
and marijuana.) (http://nypost.com/2015/07/27/2-busted-for-same-dwi-charge-after-friend-hijacks-car/)