Cooking With Nuclear Radiation

Five Great Tips!

With the nuclear apocalypse just around the corner, certain issues may arise. While life will definitely be inconvenience there’s no need to worry about food. With the abundance of nuclear radiation in the air, cooking has never been easier. And it’s definitely never been so fun! Just follow these tips and you’ll have a blast.

1. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty!
After the total annihilation of everything you hold dear, don’t be surprised if there isn’t a kitchen to cook in. But don’t let that discourage you. The world is your kitchen! Now, frying an egg on the sidewalk isn’t just for summer. Throw anything edible anywhere on the ground and it’ll be sure to fry to a crisp within seconds. Wow! Waiting in front of a stove for your food to cook is now a thing of the past. Now you can get nice hot meals quick and easy.

2. Take advantage of new and unusual wildlife!
With radiation seeping into the earth and corrupting life as we know it, you might find some strange animals during your search for food. Just think of these weird creatures as an opportunity to expand your cuisine. What would a chicken taste like if it had scales instead of feathers? Now you don’t have to wonder. You can find out for yourself. What if squirrels had three heads instead of one? Unholy abomination? Nonsense! More like three times as many savory squirrel brains.

3. Make cooking a collaborative experience!
When society crumbles, expect to find groups of scavengers collecting food and supplies. Use this opportunity to share your cooking tips and learn something new. Having trouble cooking that mutated snake just right? Always burning your face while baking those dirt cupcakes? Maybe they can help you out.

4. Get crafty!
Even with something to cook and a source of heat, it can be difficult to cook without the proper supplies. This might force you to get a little creative with your cookware. For example, the skulls of your loved ones can make pots for making soup. The hood of a car can be easily used as a griddle for frying unknown meat.

5. Don’t worry about freezing leftovers!
After the initial blast burns everything to the ground, dust will be blown into the atmosphere and completely block out the sun. This will launch the planet into a nuclear winter, which will be great for storing food for later. Can’t find a fridge? No electricity to run a fridge? No problem! Just throw your food anywhere to keep it cold in case you want a snack later. It won’t go moldy because there is literally no bacteria left to grow mold. Anything you create in your apocalyptic kitchen will be around for a long time and will likely still be edible long after you wither away into the horrific remains of your home.

Will Cohan is a third year Cinema and Photography major whose favorite candy is Atomic Fireballs. You can reach them at wcohan@ithaca.edu.