Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Work with me

Occasionally, I like to use my weekly post as a public service announcement. I do it because there are so many people out there that need help my help. I consider posts like this my way of helping the hopeless. This week, I want to help you, the faithful reader, with workplace etiquette.

You see, in my current position, I am required to talk to lots and lots of people in the company and I've noticed they do things that they shouldn't. From the engineers, to the purchasing agents, to the vice presidents, people forget the office is a very public setting and they do things that I yell at my kids for.

Since it appears that most people were never taught office etiquette I will take it upon myself to tell you the things I have learned over time. These are just a couple of simple rules to help you get through the day at the office without looking like a slob.

Rule #1: No picking or stickingLet's start with the most important part of this rule, no picking or sticking anything in your nose. Seriously, I can't care if you're sitting at your own desk minding your own business DON'T PICK YOUR NOSE. There is nothing worse than walking into someone's little office space and catching them itching their brain. Even if no one says anything, you have been caught and people are disgusted.

Another aspect of this rule, don't stick your fingers in or around your ears like your digging for pirate gold. Seriously, I know meetings can be long and dull but digging for bright yellow ear wax is just wrong. And nasty!

Rule #2: Don't crunch.This goes for hard candy. If you are handed a piece of hard candy feel free to suck and slurp to your hearts content. But do it quietly because I don't want to hear it. Waiting until the meeting starts and then CRUNCH, CRACKLE, GRINDING away at the hard candy is just rude. Not to mention distracting because everyone can hear you.

Rule #3: Keep your fingers out of your mouth.You would think this is common sense, but you would be surprised at the number of people who manage to stuff a finger in their mouth during the day. A prime example was the office's summer intern this year. Every time I walked into her cube she was chewing her nails. I won't even bother digressing on how nasty that is! Seriously, my children didn't even have their fingers in their mouth as much as she did. But, because she was young, and I figured she didn't know any better, I called her on it everyday. Yes, indeed, walked into her cube, said "Good morning. Take your fingers out of your mouth. How was your evening?" Everyday. I think she hated me, but by the end of the summer her fingers weren't in her mouth anymore.

This goes for beard fondling too. I'm thrilled that you can grow ring-around-the-mouth but don't play with it. Especially, don't play with it if you're talking to someone. Oddly enough, I can't hear what you're saying when you have your hand in front of your mouth because you're playing with your beard. If this doesn't happen to me at least once a day I'm shocked.

Rule #4:Sit up straight. I mention this so the picture to the right isn't pointless.

That's all for now. I say these things in jest but if you do these things just be aware that people notice. To be specific, we notice and make fun of you behind your back.