This copy is for your personal non-commercial use only. To order presentation-ready copies of Toronto Star content for distribution to colleagues, clients or customers, or inquire about permissions/licensing, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com

Ellen DeGeneres' 8 best jokes from last night’s Oscars monologue

From jabs about Jennifer Lawrence's clumsiness to Jonah Hill's full frontal nudity, Ellen DeGeneres spared no one in her Oscars monologue.

By Thestar.com

Mon., March 3, 2014

Eschewing the usual big opening production number, the Oscars relied on Ellen DeGeneres’ nine-minute monologue to set the tone for the rest of the evening.

Here are eight of her best lines:

1. “I did a little bit of research, and between all the nominees here tonight, you’ve made over 1,400 films. And you’ve gone to a total of six years of college.”

2. “I mean, Amy Adams, you went to college, right? Okay, well that’s . . . who cares? You’re an amazing actress. You’re nominated, not one but two nominated films tonight you’re in. That is so . . . what is the word for it. Selfish, I guess.”

3. “Anything can happen tonight. So many different possibilities. Possibility number one: 12 Years a Slave wins Best Picture. Possibility number two: You’re all racist.”

Article Continued Below

4. “I’m not going to say who looks the most beautiful, but it’s clear. It’s Jared Leto.”

5. “Jonah Hill is nominated for his amazing performance in Wolf of Wall Street. Honestly, I have to say, you showed us something in that film that I have not seen for a very, very long time.”

6. To Jennifer Lawrence: “Jennifer, by the way, I am not going to bring up what happened last year when you were, you know. It’s ridiculous. I mean, something like that happens and it’s embarrassing and then people just talk about it and it’s just you know. . . For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, when Jennifer won last year, she fell on the way up. Tripped. I don’t know if she got caught on the tip of the dress. Let’s just show the clip. . . And you know the thing when you fell out of the car tonight? No one needs to know that . . . If you win tonight, I think we should bring you the Oscar.”

7. “And I have to say, (that’s) one of the most amazing Liza Minnelli impersonators I have ever seen in my entire life. (Camera pans to Minnelli.) Just, really. Seriously. Good job, sir.”

8. “I’m not saying that movies are the most important thing in the world, because we all know that the most important thing in the world is youth. No, we know that the most important thing in life is love and friendship and family. And if people don’t have those things, well, then, they usually get into show business.”

More from the Toronto Star & Partners

LOADING

Copyright owned or licensed by Toronto Star Newspapers Limited. All rights reserved. Republication or distribution of this content is expressly prohibited without the prior written consent of Toronto Star Newspapers Limited and/or its licensors. To order copies of Toronto Star articles, please go to: www.TorontoStarReprints.com