Wise Words: Cornell project and book offer lessons for life without regret

If you’re lucky enough to have a parent or grandparent over 70 still living, ask for advice about life. You’re likely to hear some ideas worth considering.

A recent book, “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans,” found our elders have lots to say about what makes life meaningful. The book by Karl Pillemer, a gerontologist and professor of human development at Cornell University, is based on research that began in 2004. Since then, Pillemer and his team have gathered nearly 1,500 responses from people over 70 to the question: “Over the course of your life, what are the most important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people?”

He found striking commonality among the responses, and grouped them together as “lessons” in his 2011 book. Among the gems:

Choose a career for its intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.

Treat your body as if you’ll need it for 100 years.

Take risks and say “yes” to opportunities.

Choose a mate with extreme care. “Don’t rush in without knowing each other deeply,” one respondent said. “That’s very dangerous, but people do it all the time.”

Travel more. Said one elder: “If you have to make a decision whether you want to remodel your kitchen or take a trip — well, I say, choose the trip!”

Say it now. “If you have a grudge against someone, why not make it right, now?” one elder said.

Don’t waste time worrying.

Spend more time with your children.

More “lessons,” and an invitation to share your own, are at www.legacyproject.human.cornell.edu/. Insights highlighted on the frequently updated blog include: avoid thinking about yourself, enjoy animals, be open-minded, and “save your money, take care of yourself, play golf.”

For facing the inevitability of death, the elders offered common-sense advice: Plan for the end by organizing your affairs and letting people know your wishes.

It’s a pleasant surprise that rather than dwell on regrets and physical aches and pains, the vast majority of Pillemer’s “experts” have found peace and happiness in older age.

One 92-year-old whose activities are now limited said, “I think I’m happier now than I’ve ever been in my life. Things that were important to me are no longer important, or as important.”

“Old age is much better than most of us think it’s going to be,” Pillemer told staff writer Kathleen Poliquin.