Friday, April 11, 2008

Macbeth: Smelly Crack Joe

... the guy sitting next to us at Macbeth (http://sumocat.blogspot.com/2008/04/macbeth-bloody-and-magical.html) was radiating the most foul stench a living human could produce. He either sharted (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sharted) something fierce or failed to wipe properly after his morning dump (keep in mind, this was an evening performance). Regardless, the man was floating his own personal toxic cloud of funk and feces.

Thankfully, the air conditioning from the stage pushed the air back and away from us, but Tanya was still catching big whiffs during the show. The people behind us were getting much worse. Not only were they breathing in his stench, but they were given a view of his crack every time he stood up to let someone pass down the aisle. Big man, saggy parts, smelly crack. Some poor woman had the worst seat in the house.

We charged out during the intermission to breathe in fresh air and let out a whole lot of bad air, which Tanya did fervently. She explained to me how it was unacceptable to attend the theater in such a state, the importance of hygiene, and how one should correct the problem by disposing of their undergarments. Basically, "who the fuck would sit through a play smelling like shit?"

The problem with this dissertation on sharting etiquette is that she kept using the pronoun "you" when airing her grievances to me. I tried to explain that people around us in the lobby were likely unfamiliar with the context and not realize she was not talking about me, but there was no stopping her until her spleen was vented.