So, I spent a grey and rainy Tuesday in a movie theater watching two horror movies, Autopsy and Slaughter. They’re part of a series of short films in this year’s After Dark Horrorfest. I went in not knowing anything about either film, I wanted to go in fresh…

Autopsy is the touching love story of a doctor desperately trying to save his wife from terminal cancer. So, the doctor sets up shop in an abandoned Louisiana hospital, hires a pair of ex-cons for orderlies and nurse Ratched’s mom, and takes to kidnapping people to harvest their fluids and vital organs. Perhaps, this isn’t the best possible idea, but the doctor so wants his beloved to see Italy again.

Autopsy is the sort of movie that’s so astonishingly bad it ends up being great. It’s just non-stop over-the-top violence and creepy atmosphere. It’s the kind of movie where a writer says to himself, “Oh my Christ, you know what would be awesome? It’d be awesome if a chick hacked of another chick’s arm and said, bleed out, bitch!” It doesn’t try to be anything but ridiculous.

Slaughter is the story of a young woman who moves to Atlanta to escape her abusive and obsessed ex-boyfriend. She befriends a local young lady and ends up rooming with said young lady at her family’s farm, a farm with a slaughterhouse. Local gal is rather promiscuous, a fact her creepy dad doesn’t like one bit. Her suitors always seem to vanish the next day.

Supposedly, Slaughter is “inspired by actual events,” and it really tries to tell a story. Unfortunately, the story it tries to tell is really boring and very predictable. By the time anything remotely interesting started to happen, I just wanted it to be over. I wanted it to fade to black with the simple closing text, “And they all died in a fire. The end.” Sadly, it didn’t, it just kept going.