To: My Rainbow

I almost don’t even know where to start. It’s hard for me to put into words the great, unending love I have for you. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to put into actual words the depths of love I have for you.

You have brought me restoration and hope. You have filled this enormous hole in my heart that I thought would be empty forever. Your life has such great meaning and I cannot believe we’re here right now. You are O N E.

Two years ago I was aching and drowning in grief. A sibling of yours had died. And my heart was the saddest it’s ever been. Two years ago tomorrow was that sibling’s birthday. But you know what?

God is good. So, so good. He knew what I needed. He knew I needed peace, healing and hope. And I found that in Him. And after I found that He gave me you. Almost exactly one year later you came and completed that brokenness in me. He knew I had found the healing I needed, but that YOU would be final piece. That your life would bring such sincere meaning to me, to our family and to this world.

Oh, sweet boy.

We have had a lot of ups and downs with you. The first few months of your life were hard on me. We struggled with feeding and your insistence on not being fed from anyone but me. Now, though, I look back and know that was God giving me exactly what I had prayed for. While it was so hard in the moment I knew it wouldn’t be forever.

And here we are. One year later and you’re becoming fiercely independent, but still need your momma A LOT. But I’m okay with that. Because I know this time too is temporary. It’s fleeting. In just a few months you’ll be running around this house with your crazy brothers and it’ll take all of me to keep up with the three of you.

A year ago I was filled with joy when I saw that sweet chubby face laid on my chest. I was filled with exhaustion and frustration in the weeks to follow. But after awhile we fell into a rhythm and I saw just how perfectly you fit into our family.

Thank you sweet boy for picking me. I am so lucky to call you mine and proud of the little boy you are becoming. I know you will be so many amazing things in this life. And I cannot wait to be by your side when you do them.

Today I am so emotional to see how fast this year went by. But I look forward to watching you learn and grow. I look forward to the man you’ll be one day while I stand proudly behind you remembering THIS day — your first birthday.