Case Number 13825: Small Claims Court

42ND STREET PETE'S 8MM MADNESS, VOLUME 7: BUSTY STARS OF THE STAGS

The Charge

Your chance to see bouncing beauties committing unspeakable acts!

The Case

It's been a long time now since red light districts dotted our nation's
cities with sleazy theaters and adult bookstores. With advances in the home
video market and the Internet, their services are simply no longer necessary.
Many still lament the death of these institutions. They long for the days when
pulling your raincoat tight around your body and praying you didn't see your
boss shopping at the same store was a night of excitement. The knowing nod from
the clerk when you ask for the new "good stuff," the anticipation
while rushing home to unwrap your new treasures from their plain white packages
was electrifying. Setting up your home 8mm projector, pulling down your, um,
screen, and sitting down to watch the magic unfold, this is the stuff of legend.
This was a perverted paradise, but a paradise long since dead.

In these dark times, there is only one man with enough guts and enough
desire to cash in to bring salvation to the anonymous, sweaty-palmed masses
yearning for action from yesteryear. This man, known as 42nd Street Pete, has
pulled aside his mattress to uncover his considerable personal stash of 8mm
reels for this series of stag films from After Hours Cinema. Busty Stars of
the Stags is the seventh volume in the 8mm Madness collection, but it
was not what I was expecting. Those searching for nudie cuties, jiggling
volleyball stars, and cheesecake queens need look elsewhere. This collection is
hardcore heaven in all its glory, with nothing left to the imagination. 42nd
Street Pete could have rested on his laurels, satisfying himself with nameless
busty beauties in hardcore action, but he has way too much integrity for that.
Our host has dug deep in the archives to find some of the biggest names in the
annals of adult entertainment, bringing to the projector early work from people
like Annie Sprinkle, Vanessa del Rio, and Seka.

I suppose I was naïve, but I really hadn't expected a 2-disc set of
hardcore loops. It's not like I was unaware that this material existed, but
everything I'd seen in collections like these (from mainstream distributors, at
least) was the volleyball game, cheesecake-style stuff. I quickly realized, when
the performers got real close real fast, that my assumptions had been shattered.
Pete gives a brief bit of background before each loop begins, which mostly
consists of the star's name, if he knows it, some content information, and some
really sleazy jokes. Pete's having fun playing the raunch to the hilt, which is
all you can ask, I guess, even though what he says doesn't amount to much.

There really isn't much to be said about the content, and I'm not going to
describe the action in the loops themselves. Suffice it to say that there are no
holds barred and those searching for the nostalgia of vintage pornography know
what they're in store for. The 21 loops spread out over these two discs are
presented with only a canned projector sound, no words or music, and look beyond
awful. It's not surprising how damaged the prints are, but they are often so
dilapidated as to render the performers indistinguishable, which really ruins
any erotic value it might have had. If I could give a negative score for the
audio, I would. Four hours of what I was watching, combined with the droning of
one of the most irritating sounds I can imagine, was a truly maddening
experience. You may ask why I didn't put some music on or something. Well, I
didn't, that's all I can say. For extras, the collection includes two bonus
loops (although one appears on the main feature) and a collection of
trailers.

There is historical value in these loops, and I'm glad there have been
digital copies made of these films before they completely disintegrate. With or
without the historical value, however, this is a nearly unwatchable collection
and is as guilty as guilty gets. I need a shower.