The musings of a kid colliding with middle age with the grace of an angry hippo, racing, on ice.

Doing it all the hard way...

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Groundhog Day 2010

Meat vs. Digestion....... Let the games begin !!

I’ll try not to make this a “Dear Diary” post. But I will try to make it fun reading.I spent some time in Ohio this week on business. We didn’t touch the big cities like Cleveland, Columbus or Cincinnati; we were deep in the state. We were in towns that heralded themselves as gateways to things only slightly less obscure. It felt like the trip was the great irony festival of this young 2010. I think the current recession hit these folks back in the 1960’s, and never left. As we drove past vast silent dead fields with row upon row of dirty brown stubble from harvested corn stalks, I though how some of the tiny towns we passed were just like the corn; dead, but for lack of being acted upon, still standing. (Irony #1)

We travelled for a meeting that was scheduled for February 2nd; Groundhog Day. We were meeting with a supplier whom we have been having trouble with for many months. Our weekly phone calls had fallen into a pattern of broken promises and repetitive excuses. We had nicknamed the weekly conference calls the “Groundhog Day” calls after the Bill Murray movie where he relives the same day over and over. (Irony # 2) The fact that this meeting was on Groundhog Day was too funny. (Irony #3) The people were nice, salt of the earth and all that. I felt cynical finding fault with the place and the people. As I thought about how I would hate to live in these places, I quietly imagined these people all going home and putting on their scarlet Snuggies and watching Wheel of Fortune. I must, however, confess I was born in Ohio and my roots go back to towns you have never heard of, nor will you ever hear of. (Irony #4)

Our hotel had no workout room and the staff were, to a person, significantly overweight. (Irony # 5) The cookies that appeared in the cookie jar at the front counter were wonderful. Never get recipes from parents with skinny kids.

Our meals were predictably Midwestern in nature. As my friend Erik had advised before the trip; “be prepared for the meat coma.” Sure enough, if I had opted to select the sausage at breakfast and the ham offered at lunch and then the pork on the dinner menu I could have eaten pig for every meal in the state that is round on the ends and hi in the middle. Had I dined in the manner that many residents appear to enjoy, and opted to go big at every meal I could have my middle be round like the ends of the state name. (Irony # 6) I watched my first episode of South Park in the hotel room my last night in Ohio. The topic was in predictably bad taste, but in keeping with the theme of the trip, was amazingly apropos. (You’ll have to trust me on this one, Irony #7)

Like dental work and bad gas, this trip did pass. As I was squeezed into seat 24F on my return trip I took note that the combination of sleeping with your mouth open on an airplane and aisle seating make a combination that is amusing to everyone who remains awake. (Irony #8) The smart thing if you sleep on planes as I do is to get a window seat and keep the view of your extensive dental work limited to those in your row.

My return was greeted with rain and a smiling and recovering Hottie. We took care of some errands and life returned to what we have come to consider normal. I resumed my workouts and proceeded to exercise the demons from my body.