To recap, I took my old car into Pittsburgh when I wasn’t allowed. Said car broke down, in a tow away zone, in the middle of the ghetto, somewhere. We were lost beyond hope. I took a ride to get a new car battery, from a homeless man who lived in his car, who had no breaks and used his emergency break. Incidentally, that same homeless man, hit a transvestite throwing her/him on the hood of his vehicle, intentionally I might add. Once the battery was purchased, no one had tools to install it, however we did have candles, naturally. Now introduce a new stranger, who was completely intoxicated, but had tools. I took my second ride of evening with that stranger, the drunk one, to return the unused battery, since that wasn’t the cause of the car not starting. Now you’re caught up … Enjoy the ride!

The drunk man did as promised, and found the store. It was open! Kinda. It appeared closed, but people were standing among the darkness inside. So I entered the shady establishment, and asked to return my unused battery, that I just purchased. Surprise! They refunded me! My luck was turning around. At this point, any silver lining was a step in the right direction.

Our drunk driver took us back to our friends and back to my broken down, illegally parked car in the ghetto. This time, we didn’t hit anyone, but we definitely ran a few red lights. Giving this stranger some grace, it was late at night with almost no traffic, and beggars can’t be choosers.

Upon approaching the corner store, all three of us, me, Sefo and our drunk driver, saw all the lights dancing around, lighting up our temporary home that resembled a dive convenience store in the middle of the hood, and the center of our demise. It was the boys in blue. In a way, I was relieved, yet I wasn’t.

Our drunk friend wasn’t happy to see the police, AT ALL. He refused to drop us off, and sped past our destination. I get it, he was drunk and who knows what else controlled him, but let us out! This once relatively calm drunk man, turned into a frantic freak. Now I was getting scared. I know, NOW I decided to become scared, what can I say? I’m a late bloomer.

The drunk man drove down the street, barely stopping, and ordered me and Sefo to get out and walk back. We did as instructed and watched the man sped out of sight. On our way back to the car, I knew I had some explaining to do to the Pittsburgh police. Obviously, I was illegally parked, and personally I was aware of my Cinderella license, and the rules that accompanied it. I also knew those flashing lights meant that I was going to pay out the nose for getting lost, figuratively speaking. Truly, I didn’t care. In my eyes, no one got hurt and the police were friendlies who swore an oath to serve and protect. Good enough for me! From what I’ve experienced thus far, in the short amount time from the conclusion of the concert to this point, the men in blue were a welcoming sight.

Me presenting my shoes in a an odd fashion…Yes I had a runner in my fish net stockings. Strip District for a concert at the Metropole, Pittsburgh, Pa. mid 1990s

The officer instructed me to move my vehicle or I’d get a ticket. Seriously? That was the least of my worries. I’d gladly accept the ticket if it meant I could get my friends and my car back home safely. I explained the situation, omitting the details about the homeless man, and the drunk driver, and most importantly the homeless man hitting the transvestite. No sense in rehashing actions that caused no harm and couldn’t be changed.

What did the police have us do before offering assistance? They made us push the car back out of the illegal spot and park it along the curb on the street. Really? It was late at night and that’s what they were concerned about? First, I want to say, I’ve never nor would I ever park in a handicap spot. I was merely beside the convenience store, where it said No Parking. Why? I have no idea. To me it was a none issue.

What next? One of my friends sat in the driver’s seat, while we pushed the car away from its current location. In that time, the cop asked us to try and start the engine again. We did and voila! It started! Are you kidding me? No, but as soon as it started and it registered with me, the engine turned off again. Okay, now this I can work with. My logical side of the brain was telling me something supplying juice to the battery was loose.

The one cop asked me to pop the hood. I did as directed, this time holding onto every bit of hope I had left, thinking they’d find a solution we overlooked. We went through the same procedure as before with the same result, nothing. However, this time we had actual flashlights, as opposed to candle light to look around the engine. My eyes frantically followed their lights looking for anything out of place or suspicious. Then, I saw something. It was a cord snapped in half, near the battery. Not knowing what it did, or if it was indeed the root of the problem, I just reacted.

What did I do? This is all one-hundred percent true. I usually wore berets in my hair, and on this eventful evening, I had a metal beret. I simply unclipped the beret from my head, and snapped it to the broken wires to hold it together. The engine fired to life and remained so. Halleluiah! Instantly, I thanked God. I finally felt myself relax a little, at the very least my stomach stopped doing flips. Now we needed to make hast!

Tree, me & Tracey in the art room at Greater Latrobe High School 1993-94

The cops gave us directions and sent us on our way. We left without looking back and continued on getting lost. Was I ticketed for my illegal park job? Nope. Things were looking up.

We continued on our way, trying to find a familiar road or sign, pointing us east. Every few miles, the clip came loose, shutting down the juice to the car, in turn shutting down our travels. As that happened, I’d stop, usually in the middle of the road, get out, and re-secure the wires, and repeat. This was an inconvenience, but I didn’t care, it was the little bit of hope I was holding onto.

That is until the car shut down for good, probably about halfway home. This time, we actually knew our location, and we were well past the city limits, headed to the safe suburbs. Another little silver lining to our adventure. I tried wiggling the wires together, nothing.

I truly had no idea what the problem was this time. Not a clue! That is until someone spoke up and mentioned the idea that the car might be out of gas. Yes, Of course! Can you believe it? We ran out of gas! At least that was our theory. Now what? We’re stranded on the side of the highway, in the dark (of course there wasn’t a street light around), still miles upon miles from home, with a temporary fix on the car engine, thinking we might be out of gas but really not sure.