The Alpha male: He’s that guy who all the ladies want, and whose confidence all the fellas are envious of. Alphas are dominant. They know what they want and they go for it. Men have been pondering for ages how the lucky ones were able to raise themselves up to that pinnacle of self-actualization often achieved by Alphas. Well, today is your lucky day because you’re about to be enlightened, brother.

Passive men are a dime a dozen, and they’e not the ones women want. Even the most passive of men have an inner Alpha Male, so let’s bring him out. Here are 10 steps that you have the choice to take right now, to leave that Beta status in the past and attract an amazing woman:

Step 1: Realization

Good news. Being an Alpha Male isn’t just some title, waiting to be claimed after you’ve put on enough muscle or put enough people “in their place”. It wasn’t about being that jerk in High School who made fun of the other kids, nor is it about making enough money to own a small island in the South Pacific. Being an Alpha Male does not align with being a douche bag to women, either.

Being an Alpha Male is simply a choice; an opportunity that each of us have every day. It’s all about making the decision to recognize just how much you really are worth, and then to hold yourself to that standard of value with every action you take. It’s a choice to make others respect you. It’s a decision to stand out. You also have to realize how much women are worth. Realize this, and you’re on the right track.

Step 2: Always Take Initiative

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there. What do I mean by this? A true alpha takes the lead and takes initiative with his woman. A passive, beta male can bring out his inner alpha and instantly attract more women simply by starting to take more initiative.

Taking initiative shows confidence and maturity. An Alpha Male doesn’t wait around for the woman to ask him out, nor does he always ask “well what do you want to do?” instead of making a plan himself. He takes initiative and doesn’t leave a woman wondering or waiting. Be assertive and go after what you want, and take the lead therefore making it easier for her. Text first, call first, ask her out first and make the plans.

Use the 5 day rule as a guideline. No, it’s not a game. It’s a reminder: Never let more than 5 days go by without asking a woman out again, and never let more than 5 days go by without contacting her either. Unless, of course, you’re not into her – in which case you should verbalize that and don’t do the “fade out”, passive man style.

Step 3: Be A Gentleman

Three words: Treat ladies right! There tends to be two different extremes on how men often treat women nowadays. One is the overly-chivalrous, no-backbone, too-intense man and on the flip side there is always that guy who doesn’t hold open a door, doesn’t have much respect for his woman’s feelings, and rarely pays the bill. The middle ground is the solid ground.

Some men have a problem with being a gentlemen. They think in this day and age, Women should be opening doors for them. Debate it all you want, but women love gentlemen – so good luck in your dating life if you refuse to be one.

Spend some considerable time actively listening to those around you. Respect their opinions, understand where they are coming from, form your own opinions, and then act with consideration.

Step 4: Self-Confidence is Key

Why would a woman love you if you don’t love yourself? Every morning, when you go into the washroom to brush your teeth and get ready for the day, you’re going to do something a little extra from now on. Look straight into that mirror, and compliment yourself. Choose any topic you want, say it out loud, and throw in a top notch word like “super”, “excellent”, or “amazing” when describing something about yourself.
It may feel weird at first, but it works. Building self-confidence comes from within, but there are lots of other tools you can use to build it up. The better you take care of yourself, the better you will feel about yourself.

For example: keep on top of your fitness, your hair, personal hygiene and style. Keep a simple but stylish wardrobe free of overt branding, with colors that compliment your skin tone and eyes. Buy a good cologne. Speak loudly and clearly. These things matter a lot. Women love a man who knows how to take care of himself and who shows strength of character. The confidence built by this will translate into you being more assertive, and less passive.

Step 5: Command Respect

Don’t be a pushover. Be nice, but not too nice. If you’re overly accommodating you can make her feel uneasy, but if you don’t care about what she wants, she’ll lose respect for you. It’s a fine line, but there is a sweet spot.

The trick is not to come on too strong, especially not too soon. That being said, playing too hard to get will get you nowhere. A man who treats a woman how she deserves to be treated without being overly eager will command her respect and turn her on.

Step 6: Play Hard, Work Harder

All of us have dreams, but those dreams don’t become tangible until we put our pedal to the metal. Women are drawn to those men who chase what they want in life; to those who take initiative and have drive and ambition

We know how easy it is to sit around watching Netflix, or to put off our responsibilities to the next day if we are too tired. Unfortunately, that doesn’t get anyone anywhere. The man who gets what he wants goes for it as soon as he wants it. The man who falls behind is the one who waits, is lazy, or lacks self-motivation. Don’t be the guy who falls behind. Figure out what you want out of life and hunt it down with fiery passion, starting right now, not tomorrow or once you’ve caught up on beauty sleep.

Step 7: Get Some New Skills

This is the absolute best way to build what is commonly known as, your passive game. This is the difference between you and any other guy when you describe the two of you on paper. Let’s say that one guy is the ultimate flirt, but he lives with his parents and doesn’t yet have a promising career. Great active game (being a great flirt), but poor passive game. A good mix of both is best, and learning new skills is as easy as getting off the couch and signing up for a course or heading to your nearest bookstore to read up on something interesting or motivating.

The average Joe might try this – but still while staying in his comfort zone. An Alpha Male gets this done by forgoing his comfort zone altogether. Try to learn something that scares the crap out of you, or do anything that you have always felt you wouldn’t be able to do. You will be surprised at what you can accomplish if you stop predicting failure.

Step 8: Honesty is the Best Policy

If there is one thing that proves confidence, and therefore brings out the alpha, it is honesty. Why? Because being open and honest with a Woman isn’t always easy. It takes maturity and assertiveness. This means admitting openly when you screwed up, being upfront with your emotions (good or bad), and sticking to your guns on your opinions.

If you feel a certain way then stay true to yourself and admit it immediately, without delay, in the most polite, kind way you can. Stand firm, open body posture, and admit fault whenever necessary. Women respect this kind of maturity and honesty.

Step 9: There Is No Alpha Where There Is No Honor

Screw up? Own up to it. Not into her? Don’t delay telling her. Crazy about her? Say it. See someone in need? Don’t be a bystander, give them a hand. No cheap shots, no stealing, and no picking on others. The rules are straightforward, and each of us has been graced with that internal compass that tells us what is, and what is not, honorable.

Help those in need, show care for those you love, and push yourself to reach your full potential, because its a lot higher than you might give yourself credit for. You are the culmination of 13.8 billion years of evolution. Act like it.

Step 10: Put the Effort In

If you think you’ve already got a woman hook, line and sinker, and you therefore don’t feel the need to put effort in, you’re way off base. While it’s great that you’ve got that confidence going, you’re foolish to think effort is not required to keep a woman. Sure, she may be into you – but that doesn’t mean she’ll stick around if all your dates consist of sitting on the couch with chips and Netflix. That’s not exactly the best way to get her to choose you over her other options. It won’t take her long to catch on, and realize that you’re not putting any effort in.

About The Author

David Tomkulak, a born and raised Vancouverite, is a globe-trotting millenial currently hopping between Canada and Europe. Being raised in an entrepreneurial family had a great influence, and he is continuing his long journey to his Doctorate in Business Administration. His history is filled with running businesses, attending leadership events, promoting fitness, and a healthy dose of political activity. You might bump into him at any rally, gym, pool, hiking trail, or business seminar that's happening from Vancouver to Berlin.

Some nice theory but written by a guy who is single. Talk to a man who has been married for 20+ years. He will tell you it’s all about biting your tongue, sucking it up, buying her gifts, flowers and chocolates, giving her massages, taking her out for dinner, movies and social gatherings, complementing her on everything and never criticizing her on anything, doing all the hard, heavy and messy chores, finding time to pump iron and/or exercise without it interfering with her schedule, cooking dinner at least 3 times a week, always cleaning up after yourself and her, always putting the toilet seat down, never forgetting an important event, listening to her every spoken and non spoken word, never looking at another woman for more than 2 seconds, grocery shopping at least once a week, and virtually chopping your balls off with a meat cleaver and cauterizing the sac with a blow torch. Anything less than that will keep you single or get you in divorce court real quick.

Some nice theory but written by a guy who is single. Talk to a man who has been married for 20+ years. He will tell you it’s all about biting your tongue, sucking it up, buying her gifts, flowers and chocolates, giving her massages, taking her out for dinner, movies and social gatherings, complementing her on everything and never criticizing her on anything, doing all the hard, heavy and messy chores, finding time to pump iron and/or exercise without it interfering with her schedule, cooking dinner at least 3 times a week, always cleaning up after yourself and her, always putting the toilet seat down, never forgetting an important event, listening to her every spoken and non spoken word, never looking at another woman for more than 2 seconds, grocery shopping at least once a week, and virtually chopping your balls off with a meat cleaver and cauterizing the sac with a blow torch. Anything less than that will cause huge problems that will make or keep you single, even if you are still living together.

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About Erica

Erica Gordon (28) is the primary writer and founder of The Babe Report. She is a hopeless romantic and prides herself on being resilient and light-hearted. She currently lives in her hometown of Vancouver, BC.