The reason why I have very few friends

It’s not so much that I don’t want lots of friends… actually, hold up a second… maybe it is.

I can’t handle too many people. Or obligations, or being too nice, or obsessing over whether they actually like me, or wondering if I’m a bit boring.

It’s all a bit of a ball-ache compared to watching Netflix with a trusty bar of chocolate on my happy little lonesome.

I’m shit with friendship

I have a close-knit bunch of about six friends from my school-days and I’m fiercely loyal to them, despite their frequent piss-taking. With blogging for example – I’ve become a bit of a laughing stock because I’m having a crack at being ‘famous’. Yep, they’ve got no idea, right?

But these ladies know me like no other. I can’t get away with anything because we’ve grown up and faced the world together. Making roughly around a million mistakes as we did.

Having said that, I now live in the middle of the country and they are all nice and settled down South in the town we came from (big up Chichester!). This means they can meet up easily, but it’s a juicy 3 hour drive for me. I can hardly pop down for the odd glass of bubbly, but I make the effort when it counts.

And until recently, that’s largely where my friend list stopped.

Because I’m a massive flake

I hold my hands up here. I’m the flakiest flake you ever did meet.

I’m the sort of idiot that’ll make a plan with you, panic that I’m going to bore your socks off and then cancel at the last minute – never to be heard from again. It’s not that I don’t like you or value your friendship, it’s simply that I’m crap at being a friend.

Take my Uni friends as an example. I still love them dearly and often look back on all the memories we shared. But I allow time and distance to get in the way and so have drifted off into my own little void. We speak occasionally, but I don’t enjoy the close bond that we once shared.

It’s much safer to not even bother cultivating friendships than to flake out on people further down the line. So for a long time, I gave up entirely. But I soon found that relying on the companionship of six busy ladies, hundreds of miles away, while raising a new family wasn’t exactly feasible.

So I’m learning how to make friends again

I went along to NCT classes purely because I was told I probably should. I informed my husband beforehand that although people go to make ‘mum-friends’, I don’t do friends and so was just going for the experience.

And as expected, I didn’t feel the ‘bond’ of the group instantly. We all seemed guarded and unsure. Four couples all there for the same reason, but not wanting to appear too eager.

I left the classes excited to hear about the birth of the babies, but not particularly hopeful that I’d ever see them again.

And then something amazing happened.

We all had our little bundles of joy, and suddenly, it was like we were free to be ourselves. We ventured out, met up and found that sharing the joys and woes of first-time motherhood over a cup of coffee (and lots of chocolate) was exactly what we needed.

Where I hadn’t been sure if we had anything in common before, I soon found that actually, we all relate to one another with ease. And even more exciting, some of us share the same passions (like the lovely Life with Atty – my blogging bosom buddy).

And just like that, I have four new friends. Who I have yet to flake out on.

OK, so I might not be Mrs Popular just yet, but actually making new connections with people is a pretty big deal to me. They say a lot of bloggers are introverts and I’d certainly put myself on that list.

But regardless of whether I have the grand total of ten friends or ten thousand – it’s making sure that I connect with them and stick around that is important to me.

Are you any good at making (and keeping) friends? Let me know your thoughts in the comments below!

27 Comments

You’re a little bit cute aren’t you! It’s so funny how similar we are, before NCT I genuinely had one friend that I see regularly. My uni friends are spread all over the country and all have their own lives. Now I’ve bumped my number up to 4 (living the friendship high life over here!) and even if we are boring we can be boring together.

Yay! But… do you still want to be friends with me even though I’m so stupid that I’ve counted myself as part of the ‘four NCT friends’? 😂 I realised this morning and am totally aware that this could be make or break! X X

I would always chose 10 good friends over 1000 acquaintances any day! I don’t think you’re flakey my lovely – just busy. 😘 It’s amazing how my circle of friends is getting dramatically wider as it is constantly evolving to include my daughter’s “friend of the week” and their mum. This is great but she tends to move on to a new friend the following week like a little social butterfly, by which time the mum and I have already booked in half a year’s worth of play dates. I need a bigger diary! 🙈😂 xx

I am totally with you on this. I find making frinds really hard as I have zero self confidence in real life. I can count on one had the number of close real life friends I have. On the flip side of that I have a number of blogging friends wbo I chat to daily. We have made plans to meet up in the summer so then I will be able to call them real life friends too. #dreamteam

That’s actually something I was going to write about but thought I’d then blab on for ages haha! I now also have a lovely number of blogging friends who you can’t really flake on in the online world… so my circle is expanding! Bet you’re so excited to meet them! X

I have a select few friends, whom I rarely see but class as my “best friends” – I lost most of my friends after becoming a parent lol. I have ‘school mum friends’ but I don’t really meet them out of school! So, I’m pretty lonesome really aha. Hopefully with baby #2 I can make some other mum friends! x

High five to the lonesome! I feel like sometimes it’s easier (and it avoids the flakey situation) but I think it’s nice to have some Mum friends. And of course, I do have a few virtual blogging friends (which may or may not include yourself 😉)

I used to think I had loads of friends, but after getting married and having kids I realized I actually had very few true friends. I always say I need to make more of an effort, but to be honest I quite like it. Much more real to have a handful of good friends. Although, I’ve loved ‘meeting’ fellow blogger x #DreamTeam

Yes I agree – I do find a handful of true friends is really all I need! It’s so hard to keep up (and not do my famous disappearing act) otherwise! Blogging friends is where it’s at – the commitment is so much easier 😂

Having children is a great way to make friends and when they start school, that’s a great time too. Now mine are older, I find it trickier to make new friends but I treasure my close friends now. #coolmumclub

I am a flaky friend, luckily my best friends have hung around long enough to know this. I hibernate through winter, plan lots of activities in summer and just share our calendar so if any of them wanna hop in on the action they can. I’m lucky 6 weeks, months or years the few who matter are always there.
I’m new to socially blogging and finding the community of bloggers really friendly and love reading posts like this just to make me feel normal(ish).
#coolmumclub 😎 😘

Hahaha yes to this! I love this attitude and it’s so true – I can go without speaking to those 6 for ages but it’s straight back to where we left off! Blogging is, thankfully, the place I don’t want to flake out – I write this stuff hoping that there’ll be someone else saying ‘me too’!

I just went back to the town I grew up in after 4 years away (in Canada so not even driveable!). It’s amazing how you can pick up with your oldest friends as though not a day has gone by! I’m with you that it’s much harder to make friends — real friends – as a grown up. Great post! #coolmumclub

My problem is that I’m too good at making new friends…I could befriend the lollypop lady if I stood long enough whilst crossing the road… I’ve been known to exchange numbers with total strangers I thought seemed lonely and I gave up facebook partly because I felt overwhelmed by the number of friends that I actually had (and genuinely knew). BUT I have learnt that it’s just not sustainable, and something has to give. Less is definitely more sometimes!
Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

Awww I actually love this though! I wish I was as friendly as you – I’d feel like such a better person if I was comfortable befriending lonely strangers. It clearly means you just have a lot of love to give!! High five to you 🙌🏻

Definitely a handful of close friends is much better that vague ones. I love this post and how honest you have been. Yay on the new NCT friends and the adventures they will bring. Little ones tend to pull in more friends and their parents in tow don’t they 🙂 #DreamTeam x

Thank you – yes, that’s what I’m hoping – not for a deluge of friends, but certainly more than I started with! I’ll always have those close friends, so I guess anything else is a bonus (as long as I resist the urge to flake!) x

Hi there, my name is Lucy and I live with my husband and baby daughter in the Midlands. Muffin top mummy is where I share all my sensible thoughts on the joys of parenting and the celebration of love-handles.
info@muffintopmummy.com