I think the latter, Geoff. My lovely wife of 38 years can meet a person she has never seen and be friends in 5 minutes. She is patient where I am not, she is comfortable at social events where she doesn't know anybody and I am not. But when it comes to core values we are pretty much on the same page.

Opposing core values will not lead to a happy marriage. As the writer seems to be saying, they have the same core values but different approaches, as in it's in the details. That's not opposites. And basing all this on a whole whopping four years? Give me a break. Four years is an eye blink in a marriage.

The question seems to be how the partners deal with the conflicts these differences produce. If they are mutually respectful the result can be a form of synergy. If they are dismissive, it fails.

The crunch factor is that some types of differences are simply easier to be respectful of than others. It's one thing when the shy, studious high school valedictorian marries the outgoing jock. It's another when an American coed marries a Middle Eastern exchange student and returns with him to Saudi or Egypt with their child. Indeed, the values one seeks to pass on to children seem to be much harder to reconcile than say, having one partner be a gourmet and the other a picky eater.

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