122 : Script VO

Donna and Eric are making out in the car. We can see Eric's hands grappling under Donna's shirt. Song: "Paradise by the Dashboard Light " – Meatloaf

Donna: What're you doing?

Eric: Nothing… He kisses her again. We see Eric attempting to unhook Donna's bra. In the hook's place is a Master lock and when Eric flips out the combination he can't open it

Donna: How's it going back there?

Eric: Ok, Donna. Just for that, I'm not taking your bra off.

Donna: Well, you weren't taking it off anyway!

THE HUB:

Cut to Fez and Hyde at the Hub. Fez is on a payphone and Hyde is reading a newspaper

Fez: Hello, House of Chicken? How big are your wings?

Hyde looks up from the paper

Hyde: Breasts!

Fez: Oh. How big are your breasts? (He pauses) This is Fez, who is this?

Hyde motions for him to hang up the phone. He does

Fez: My first prank call! (He sits in a chair next to Hyde.) Every night with you is an adventure!

Hyde: Yeah, Fez, it's a real rollercoaster, ain't it?

Fez: Hyde, how come you do not have a girlfriend? Maybe if you did something with your hair…(He plays with Hyde's hair.)

Just then a girl walks in the Hub

Chrissy: Hey, you! Is there a motel in this puke hole?

Hyde: There's a Sleepy Time Lodge three puke holes over.

Chrissy: Thanks. I'm Chrissy.

Hyde: I'm Hyde.

Chrissy: Who cares? You wanna, uh… hop on my Vespa and uh, show me where it is?

Hyde looks outside to see a shiny blue motorcycle parked

Hyde: Mother of god, I think I love you.

Chrissy: Love is an outdated concept used by industrialists to keep women subservient.

In Hyde's mind. He sees Chrissy as an angel with two electric guitars for wings and an anarchy "a" for a halo. Song: "Anarchy in the UK " - Sex Pistols

Hyde: Mother of god I do love you!

Kelso and Eric are in the Forman's basement. They are playing pong, but while Eric is intently watching the screen, Kelso is reading a magazine not paying very much attention to his pong paddle

Eric: Damn!…(Playing) Damn!…(playing) Damn! (He gives up and throws down his playing stick.)

Kelso: (not looking up from his magazine.) What happened?

Eric: What ha…you just beat me fifteen nothing!

Kelso puts down his magazine

Kelso: So what. I mean, hitting a ball with two paddles is so boring! I need a new challenge, something totally different. I need to hit the ball with…with smaller paddles! Where's Red keep his tools?

He hops up and begins to gather up the game console

Eric: Oh, no. Not Red's pong. I don't think you should be going up to…

Kelso: The garage! Of course!

Eric: Ok, you know, if you screw that up, he's gonna blame me.

Kelso: I know.

He continues to gather the game

Hyde and Chrissy are on her motorcycle. They are driving down a street with various signs flying past: Woolworth, Fatso Burger, Rusty's Hardware, Woolworth, Rusty's Hardware, Woolworth, Rusty's Hardware, Yield, Woolworth, Fatso Burger, No Trespassing, Woolworth, Woolworth. The camera zooms in and they kiss. Song: "I'm So Bored w/ the USA " - The Clash
Cut to Hyde and Chrissy in a hotel room. Chrissy is putting out a cigarette. Song: "New Rose " - Damned

Chrissy: Who would've thought I'd meet a radical number like you in a slag heap town like this?

Jackie: No, I don't really cook much. I just plan on getting by on my looks.

Kitty: Ok, then! (She goes to the fridge.)

Kelso walks in with the pong game. He and Jackie stand uncomfortably

Jackie: Michael.

Kelso: Jackie…what are you doing here?

Jackie: I'm baking a pie.

Kelso: I'm making small paddles.

Jackie: Fine!

Kelso: Fine!

(He leaves)

THE BASEMENT : :

Cut to Eric and Donna sitting on the basement couch

Eric: So Donna, what say you and I take a little drive tonight?

Donna: I don't know…do you think you can unlock the car?

The camera takes a wide angle shot and we see that Fez is also there with them

Fez: Hmm…where should the three of us go on our drive?

Eric: Actually, Fez, just…um…Donna and I are gonna… (He raises his eyebrows suggestively.)

Fez: Oh, I see. (He stands.) So you are going to ditch me! Just like Hyde. Everyday, I am here with my heart on my sleeve, hoping only for friendship and acceptance. And what do I get? Abandonment. Loneliness. When is it Fez's turn? Where is my whore?

Just then Hyde walks in taking…larger…strides than usual

Fez: Damn you, Hyde! Did you go horseback riding without me?

Hyde: No! (He sits on the arm of the couch.) I just met the most amazing woman. Chrissy! And she just ditched her entire life to start over in New York, man.

Donna: Wait! W, w, w, wait. Why is she, why is she going to New York?

Hyde: She's gonna start a punk band.

Fez: A punk band! Cool. What is punk anyways?

Hyde: Punk is the annihilistic outcry against the corporate rock'n'roll take over. It's the soundtrack to the revolution, man!

Eric: I thought you said Blue Oyster Cult was the soundtrack to the revolution.

Donna nods in agreement

Hyde: Look! The point is, is that…she asked me to go with her.

Eric: Whoa, whoa, why would you wanna go to New York?

Hyde: Well, it's a big city, man! The bars are open 'til four, it's where all the music's happening. Hey. If I can make it there…

Eric: You can't make it there!

Hyde: But if I can make it there…

Eric: But you won't make it there!

Hyde: Would you just listen? If I can make it there…damn it, Forman, now I lost my train of thought!

Red: And hey! If we can't put it back together, you owe me a hundred and eighteen bucks!

Kelso: I don't have a hundred and eighteen bucks.

Red: Well then I have to kill ya! Heh heh heh….

Kelso: (Nervously) Heh heh heh…

THE FORMAN’S KITCHEN:

Cut to Kitty and Jackie coughing over a very burnt pie

Kitty: Ok, ok. Jackie, alright, honey, let's, let's just review. What do you think went wrong with this pie?

Jackie: Too many eggs?

Kitty: No.

Jackie: The pan was too small…

Kitty: Not even close.

Jackie: Is it because Michael doesn't love me any more?

Kitty: Almost! It's because you were talking on the phone about Michael instead of watching the pie like you promised me you would this time. Again. You liar! Ha ha ha! (she laughs.)

THE BASEMENT:

Cut to Eric, Fez, Hyde, and Kelso in the basement getting high. Song: "Beat is on the Brat " - Ramones

Eric: I dunno, Hyde. I mean, here, you're the cool guy. But, you know how many cool guys live in New York? There's like…Lou Reed, man! Do you wanna mess with that?

Fez: Why do you want to leave Point Place? It is fun!

Hyde: (Eating out of a peanut butter jar) Yeah, it is fun, man! And, I'm gonna miss the hell outta you guys! But Chrissy's cool. And it's the Big Apple, man! Hey, do you think Lou Reed's in the phone book? Cause I bet he'd really like me. (Passes the peanut butter to Kelso.)

Eric: Right, but this time, I just wanna talk. Donna, I am really sorry if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable.

Donna is shocked

Donna: Oh, thanks. I guess part of that's my fault. But I think I know something that'll make you feel better.

Eric: Ok.

Donna: Well, you know I've been having a rough time lately because now we're boyfriend and girlfriend and now that you know I'm on the pill it's like you're always pawing at me. And I wanna fool around but then I think if you get to second base from there you'll have a pretty good view of home and if that happens, who knows what'll happen to you and me? Cause look what happened to Jackie and Kelso, when sex changes everything, and that really really sucks!

Eric: Ok. Um, so what part of that was supposed to make me feel better?

Donna: Um…I'm not wearing a bra.

Eric: You are the best girlfriend ever.

they kiss

THE BASEMENT:

Hyde is sitting in the basement. Eric comes down and hops on the couch next to him

Hyde: You surprised to see me?

Eric: Nah, I knew you'd stay.

Hyde: Yeah, we've been friends way too long.

Eric: No, Chrissy just drove by with some guy on the back of her bike.