Ten signs your girlfriend is crazy

Crazy women are never, ever crazy to begin with. They are also almost always hot.

The crazy woman is one of nature’s most devastating forces. Most guys spend their time rationalising the behaviour of the crazy woman they are dating because they just assume “she’s difficult” or ”opinionated” or has an “adorable tendency to be a raging cow.”

Crazy women are never, ever crazy to begin with. They are also almost always hot.

In my vast experience, I observed both the behaviour of crazy women and listened to the advice of normal women.

Here are ten surefire signs to spot and avoid a crazy woman. In isolation, any one of these points may be harmless or insignificant. But taken as a whole, you’ve got yourself one huge pile of psycho that you need to eliminate from your life.

If you spot more than five of the following signs you’re dating a crazy woman.

1. She hates your friends and loves your enemies

She not only hates your ‘bros’ but makes it a point to socialise with all the morons you hate.

She avoids hanging out with you and the guys, goes quiet when she calls and you’re out with them, glares when you narrate some awesome hangout anecdote and subtly drops hints that she thinks your buddies are tiny little poop pieces.

Now, most of you rational women will protest because most of your boyfriends have at least a couple of moron friends that you don’t like, and I get that no one likes a moron. But a crazy woman will hate the nice friends or the extra friendly friends even more because they represent someone who is more pleasant/nicer than her.

Conversely, they will enjoy the company of people you cannot stand. It will scare you how accurate this is. And you know the guys you can’t stand because they always think they have a shot with her when she’s with you? She’ll definitely want to hang out with them the most.

2. She can dish it out, but she can’t take it

Crazy women claim they have a great sense of humour and they usually do – when it’s at the expense of somebody other than them.

They will constantly berate and insult you in front of your friends under the guise of “oh come on, can’t you take a joke?”. She’ll bring up embarrassing times when you’ve tried to be romantic, draw attention to your stress acne and make fun of your failures.

And because she is hot, people around her will laugh. You, being the schmuck that you are will be lulled into a false sense of “oh, my girlfriend is so cool, we can totally make fun of each other”.

You retaliate by playfully teasing her about something like “Hey, looks like she’s been getting a little round,” so you affectionately put your arms around her waist and whisper “I love your chubs.”

You’re an idiot!

Hell hath no fury as a woman’s chubs discovered. She will remove her shoes and beat your privates with them, while screaming incoherently about carbs and happiness.

3. She has crazy mood swings without being pregnant

When a woman is pregnant, all bets are off. You need to shut up and be there for her, no matter how crazy she gets.

Men understand this and give women that license. However, this courtesy does not extend to the non-pregnant crazy woman.

Does your girl go from laughing to crying within five seconds? Does she make a joke about fat people but when you laugh, does she turn the tables on you by saying “do you think I’m fat?” Does she appear amorous and romantic one minute and switch to Lorena Bobbit the next?

Yup, you’re dating a crazy girl.

4. She has a scary laugh

Does her laugh make the pit of your stomach turn icy cold?

A beautiful woman laughing is one of the best sounds any guy can hear. However, a crazy woman laughing might be the most terrifying sound to reach men’s ears.

The way to certify this is to look at her eyes: is there a vast chasm of emptiness, blackness and terror? Is it joy? Or a prelude to torture?

When she laughs, can you imagine her water boarding you?

5. When she ‘playfully’ hits you, she leaves bruises

It’s awfully cute when girls playfully punch you in the shoulder when you’re teasing them or gently smack you on your thigh when you crack an inappropriate joke. It’s a sign of affection.

Crazy women however, will beat you like Chris Brown. They will never hit you if they’re feeling genuine affection for you. However, if you tease them, or crack a joke that mildly offends them, they will beat you like they caught you breaking into their house.

The worst part, they’ll make sure they do it in public so that you can’t admit that it actually hurts when their delicate little hands turn into tiny little estrogen fueled fists of rage.

6. She hates your mom

You know how most girls think it’s endearing when guys have a healthy, warm relationship with their mum?

Crazy girls hate your mum. They consider her the root of all your prejudices and complexes about “liberated women” or “free thinking”.

7. She hates her mom

Crazy women do not have good relationships with their mothers. Their worst fear is that they will turn out exactly like their mothers. Most of the time, they are already there.

If you are dating a crazy girl who constantly fights with her mother, complains about how her mother doesn’t understand her or has her mom saved on her phone as Controlling Birth Birth Canal Person, you need to start running.

8. They will find a way to be the victim

Did she forget your birthday, yet you find yourself apologising? Did she yell at you in front of all your friends, yet you find yourself groveling? Did she flirt with some other guy at a party yet you’re the one begging for forgiveness?

Crazy women will always find a way to make you feel like the fascist, misogynistic mullah in the relationship. If she does anything to upset you, it’s because of your inability to handle a ‘strong independent woman’.

Anytime you cast so much as a disapproving fart in her direction, she will snarl at you while lobbing the eternally despised morality loophole “How dare you judge me?”

9. They will take over your Facebook page

You know how most animals pee in a large circle to mark their territory? A crazy woman will do the same thing to your Facebook page.

She will flood your wall with inane comments that will start off fairly innocuously with cutesy, humorous little quips followed by smileys or their immoral cousins winky smileys. Here is an example:

Call me today :)

I miss you!

Haha…this picture of yours is silly :)

They may seem harmless but are in fact none-too-subtle messages to the public that she keeps your manhood locked in an old shoebox under her bed.

This graduates to more sociopathic behaviour:

Why are you ignoring me?

I hate you

Call me. I’m going to take these pills.

10. Her ex is visibly relieved to not be dating her

Usually it’s always a tense situation when you meet your girlfriend’s ex. You start sizing him up, comparing yourself to him, wondering what she liked about him and whether he still has feelings for her.

If however, you mention her name and the guy’s expression glazes over like he’s having a Vietnam flashback – you need to be worried. Is he overly enthusiastic about meeting you? Does he give you a man hug and repeatedly confirm whether you and the girl are still together? Does he walk away from you while singing and clicking his heels together like a guy who’s just been given free nachos ?

Ya nailed it bro! just wait for comments by “feminists” labeling you with names and blah blah blah…..Recommend

Ammara Khan

Reminds of Barney from How I Met Your Mother, but in a rather annoying way. Recommend

kanwal

i have always enjoyed witty pieces by OBA. as funny as it is, the subtext is quite serious n any1 going out with a crazy woman cud do more harm to himself n d girl by misinterpreting d craziness as cuteness! Don’t encourage her psychopathic gestures. These r only sum obvious signs, ‘crazy-W’ r much more trouble than this.Recommend

1.Your friends are usually stupid. When you get together you get high, drunk and lose money, your cosciousness and someone’s car – of course I hate them.

2.A lady is always a lady. No matter what, A gentleman has to prove himself. You have to prove your worth. Also, guys hate girls who are nice to them. It’s a fact.

3.Ever heard of periods? They come once a month. Not too pleasant.

4, Men rumble. girls giggle. We are not allowed to laugh out loud. No, of course not. We must laugh pretty, cry pretty, get a blow dry on the way to a funeral.
5. Man up.
6 Your Mom hates me.
7. You hate your dad
8. Duh…..I am the victim. Dating YOU!!!!
9. Don’t lie. You Facebook stalked me before we got together. This is just the way I get even, So you mind if I “LIKE” the I heart CuppyCake page?
10. What ex jaani? There has only been you.Recommend

http://www.arzowardak.wordpress.com Arzo Wardak

Haha, this was a great read! My brother had a psychotic girlfriend and she embodied all of those traits. Poor guy had to deal with so much – “I’m going to take pills” LOL! No, no they won’t! lol I do feel for you boys BUT there are definitely some psychotic and possessive guys out there too. I’ve got to do one of these posts on men! :DRecommend

Aamina

Hahahahaha now that was funny! And yes, I really hope someone does a piece on 10 signs your boyfriend is a nutjob!Recommend

As deniro said in heat or something like it…dont make n e connections that you cant drop in thirty seconds when you feel the heat around the corner…

so all the boys out there…

dont date at all…just go out with different people….the more the better…
tell them straight up…no obligation connections are more fun..they also like tht
never become a baby sitter or their defacto dad or mom
never call back when you are supposed to call back
flirt with their friends…even hook up with a couple…u get more respect
relationship, marriage…as soon as these words are mentioned…bail out
never send cute e mails or face book messgaes
only call when no one better is available to talk to…not to just check in…
dont get into pictures with a romantic angle and cuddle connotations
and
Be mean and keep em keen….trust me it worls even though they wont admit it …cuz nice guys always finish lastRecommend

anisa

omg!

This is freakin HILARIOUS
and so totally TRUE
i cannot stop laughing! Recommend

Jehan

@Toobaa:
lol i liked this piece, but ur retort was just as funny, u should do a retort blogRecommend

Ahmad

So true these points are :) Well simply its a NO to independent women, specially strongly independent women. They just know that its only THEM in the world who exists NOT you!!Recommend

This was funnyyy :D my feminist side wants to protest, but damn I’ve seen some crazy women too (and often been psychotic myself). So maybe you guys deserve that little outburst :P in any case it was hilarious to read.Recommend

http://blogs.tribune.com.pk/author/143/taha-kerar/ Taha Kehar

Tooba’s rejoinder was predictable, but true.
Nevertheless, the piece is engaging.Recommend

Saira M

This is bound to frighten the hell out of a lotta men out there! Great piece Omar – I don’t usually like most articles that begin with “10 reasons why…..” or “5 signs you are……” because they lack originality. This is hilarious and I read it out loud to a car full of people who also laughed their heads off. Though I feel the need to apologize because you’re accuracy also means you’ve experienced some nutty chicks firsthand.Recommend

M. Ali

Dude, you freaking nailed it! I just got done with her a month back (and just got over the nightmares and flashbacks) and this brought it all back… need those pills again..
But yeah, from one survivor to another, hang in there, buddy. :pRecommend

LOVED the article. Women who act like this generally have very low self esteem and appear to be insecure.

@lastmanstanding I hope you were joking. If you actually follow those pointers you might date several girls but they will eventually get wiser and leave you for someone they can have a true, happy relationship with.Recommend

Talal

@Toobaa:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ESPECIALLY NUMBER 10………WHAT EX JANIIIIIIIII it has always been only u!
btw the article sucked big time!!Recommend

http://islamabad Maryam

this is soo funny…
nice write up…!
as much as i loved the blog , i loved Tooba’s comment exactly the same…

makes no sense.. these are signs of a crazy woman.. not a crazy girl friend.. you need to date some real women my friend =)Recommend

sarah

Some more …

She hates your friends and loves your enemies – only because he’s an insecure blonde !
She can dish it out, but she can’t take it – He’s low on the q , both e and i of the q.
She has crazy mood swings without being pregnant – only cuz he wanted to be the father of the child , now take it.
4-She has a scary laugh – only cause he’s the chicken.
5-When she ‘playfully’ hits you, she leaves bruises – pretty and delicate . that kinda guy? he’s in the wrong lane .
6-She hates your mom – he hates her dad
7-She hates her mom – he’s cuckoo in the head.
8-They will find a way to be the victim – he’s got an inferiority complex .
9-They will take over your Facebook page – and he actually notices every move, keeps a tab on social networking sites – well done.
10-Her ex is visibly relieved to not be dating her- he’s in touch with her ex? that’s low. very.Recommend

Fizza

Refuse to accept that women could be such monsters. Yes, they could be irrational but not such beasts. Enjoyed the post anyways.Recommend

http://logicisvariable.blogspot.com Shi

Wise. Surely wise. But it is difficult to relate it all in our desi mahool. Recommend

i totally agree with toobaa,,,,,,,all tht u said abt women i have seen tht in men as well,,,,,,

i think men r more into all this,,,,,,
who was he….wt was he saying,,,how u knw him,,,,,y did he like ur pic,,,,y did he call u this late,,,,,u knw i dont like tht frnd of urs,,y u went to her place,,,,,,u dont do this u dont do tht,,,,,,,etc etc….

kindly luk around i am sure u will find such men who fit to all tht u said abt women,,,,,,Recommend

nadr

@zainab:
that’s why we all want crazy girls though crazy is indeed synonymous with hottt from this perspective. we want “crazy” girls because a) they’re hot b) they’re interesting and not just so cold and calculating as some “sane” rationalist girls…

Tooba’s post is funnier and amusing. I think it was because of Tooba that this post got this much comments. Recommend

Neelam Agha Shujah

This is awesome man !!! I think I am a bit of a crazy girl too when it comes to my love life , but , when your man doesn’t give you the attention you deserve , you have gotta act like a crazy psycho …..Recommend

Junaid

I’ve dated such women. Even the women say they have seen such creatures. Ofcourse, we all should learn to accept the true facts and figures. This article was not about every single girl who’s getting offended here. So ladies, you need to go easy on the guys and stop saddling every good one you see. You know wa’m sayin? That’s what it is about. Read it. Smile. Comment. Move to another page. Easy.Recommend

@ The only normal person here

Stop counting. Are you going to be giving out candy’s at the end of the day? And I’m amazed how you girls are proving every point of this article right. I’m a girl but I took it as nice humor. Stop dissing yourselves.Recommend

must say one of the most one sided blogs i have ever read
not at all funny and i actually sympathize with the pea size brain of the blogger himself and those people who are LOL-ing and LMAO-ing and HAHAHAHAHA-ing at this crap. keep ur knowledge about crazy girls to ur personal blog please and write something meaningful. i feel sorry fr the girls that are ur acquaintances and thats as politely i can put it, OBA. and while we re on THIS topic i suggest guys like U stop making girls go so crazy IN THE FIRST PLACE so that they dont actually have to come to this point of being this is so-called “crazy”. exactly what @neelem agha said!
FIRSt, the guys RUN, STALK, CALL&TEXT EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY etc etc such girls, and when these girls are RIGHT where the guys want them (e.g. begging for a minute of the guys time etc etc) and then THEY ARE THE ONES THAT ARE DEEMED “CRAZY”. take ur biased opinion and GO HOME OBA,u male chauvinism at its highest peak.
kudos to tooba and sarah for the rebuttal.
and sarah, the last point was great abt in touch with the ex.
@JUNAID this posst is nothing to smile about or take easy…..the term “crazy girl” OBA used so loosely abt the girls having the above issues he mentioned are far beyond the reasons he has elaborated so fashionably under ever bold point he made there.Recommend

Hypocrisy and comedy at its best! Please keep on posting! You make all of us laugh. Not with you though. At you.Recommend

s.e.

@H, i bet you are the same guy who wrote this article just using another name. well h or OBA whomever you choose to be, you are all the same. tooba is not the one writing this article? she didnt make a contribution like this to the tribune? she didnt make an article form her personal opinion? she might have never said THAT if she didnt have to reply this post.
H, now please go on back to whatever you were trying to be there a gangster or black person or whatever. keep practicing!
“HAY U MALE CHAVINIST U! HOW DARE U SAY DIS ABUT FEMALEZ HAN. I HATE PPLZ LIKE U. I HATE GUYZ OK I HATE DEM “”" Recommend

http://www.arzowardak.wordpress.com Arzo Wardak

I think everyone needs to keep their cool. I don’t know the author but I feel the need to defend him here. He mentioned nothing in this post that suggested all girls embody those characteristics. In fact, he acknowledged that some of those characteristics alone cannot be used to label a girl crazy. It didn’t indicate a generalized view of all girls. It only mentioned that if a girl did embody all of those “crazy” traits together, then she’s trouble. Wouldn’t you agree? I’m sorry, but if one of my friends did all of those things with their boyfriends, I would call her out on it. It’s just not how you communicate with your man regardless of what the problem is.

And @s.e, while I do agree that men can equally be just as psychotic, it’s up to the girl to decide whether or not she wants to tolerate it. I’d never give a man the opportunity to drive me insane. I’d get up and walk away. I have far too much respect for myself to allow some man belittle me, stalk me, cling on me, restrict me, or invade my privacy. Anyone that chooses to deal with a man like that has some serious insecurites that need to be addressed.

And one-sided or not, the author is entitled to his own opinions. They’re just his views but it certainly doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.

This thread started out as pure entertainment, especially w/ Tooba’s rebuttal (nice one, girl!). Let’s stop adding fuel to the fire by attacking one another. I’m about to send all emails from Tribune to spam because of the drama in the past few comments. All this negative energy is just infectious.

This is hilarious !
sadly speaking i almost have all the “qualities” you mentioned in me, but surprisingly my husband still loves me and now am confused.. Is he NORMAL or there is something wrong in him.. winkRecommend

Jay

@Impulsive:

I think there’s something wrong here! =P But guessing by the “qualities” you said you possess it might’ve already been too late =P jk!Recommend

Jay

@ s.e.

Hello Sheriff! =) First of all there’s no bounds that anyone has to write something meaningful here already. Personally, I read blogs to have a good time and take my mind to rest. And this article did the job for me and it seems pretty much so for some other people too, so why does it hurt you?
By crazy girls he did not imply to only you and other girls who are reacting so impulsively. So what, there are crazy people on the face of this planet, you have the liberty to counter it with your own blog where you can discuss crazy guys. It has nothing to do with feeling disrespected. Some things in life don’t have to be complicated at all. You know wa’m sayin’? ;)
Imagine spring and flowers when you feel roused.

I imagine of this country’s politicians when I come across things like these. Oh come on guys, don’t we have anything else to do except fighting over these boy/girl biases. Anything we could have civilized here? My first message was for peace too. I so much wish that we can solve our differences without fighting atleast.

@Arzo Wardak:
Just read your post. Must say I loved those cents.Recommend

H

@s.e Your post clearly illustrates that you did not comprehend what I said in my reply to your initial post. If you really think I was trying to be a ‘black’ guy (what’s with the racial stereotyping anyway?), then you need help. Hence, I do not wish to have any further conversation with you, for the simple reason that you are at an intellectually lower level than me, and therefore we can never see eye to eye.

As for you accusing me of being the author, I’m not even going to respond to your ramblings. Are the rest of the people disagreeing with you pretending as well?
Education. Get it.Recommend

http://grsalam.wordpress.com Ghausia

If anyone needs proof of the existence of the kind of crazy mentioned in this blog, they only have to watch S03E05 of How I Met Your Mother. :D Recommend

Abdul Moiz

Haha im so liking reading blogs now :D
I agree with Miss Mehwish here.
you are trying so hard to get over her :P
but overall…MINDBLASTING!!! :DRecommend

Hala

i love express tribune blogs
because the comments are as entertaining as the posts
people need to relax
and find themselves a sense of humorRecommend

Not surprising the people that peruse ET are completely aloof from the rest of Pakistan. Most Pakistanis don’t know or cannot fathom girlfriends/boyfriends. And you wonder why no one listens to the ‘educated intellectual anglophile liberals’ in Pakistan. Concentrate on real issues instead of talking endlessly in your bubbles.Recommend

You love crazy women because they are a mind f**k and you also love being challenged but the crazies become psychos as soon as the novelty wears off. Likewise, we love bad guys though they are equally fatal to our mental health. Who wants normalcy in a relationship that’s not gonna last anyway?! It should be fraught with intensity,intrigue and passion which only the bad guys or the crazy girls can offer, sane ones can try too but sorry they can’t be as good. Thats the bitter-sweet truth ha!Recommend