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APRIL
Fool!
The Eastern
APRIL
Fool!
VOL. 32
MADISON, SOUTH DAKOTA, MARCH, 1952
No. 7
Changes Made
At East Hall
THOUSANDS GATHER TO SEE DEPARTURE
NEAR RIOT ON EGAN AVENUE
Deanless System to
Be Provided Soon
As soon as contractors can be
hired and materials arrive, East
Hall will undergo improvements
that will make General Beadle
famous as the only college with a
completely equipped non-dean
girls dormitory system.
This new deanless system provides for:
(1) All single rooms, 6' by
6', equipped with a bed. The
one window will be uncurtained,
(to eliminate the possibility of
hanging one'self) and barred
(to discourage jumping).
(2) Individual hallways of a
width sufficient to permit passage of one person, leading from
outer doors to each room.
Soundproof panels between
such tunnels will eliminate disturbances.
(3) An electric eye that operates automatically at the stroke
of seven-thirty to throw into
motion a record of a female
voice, blaring, ''It is now seven-
thirty, time for study hours to
begin" and again at ten-thirty,
"Everyone in her own room,"
followed by the theme "Fair,
Fair, Fairness is our motto."
To discourage noise making
during quiet hours, a sound-
sensitive switch will throw the
entire building into darkness
after a first warning blink.
(4) A time clock, to be
punched by girls at every entry
and departure, will eliminate
the practice of using a sign-out
book.
With the passage of time, additions or corrections may be
necessary, but this plan is highly
recommended and appears to be
entirely workable at the present
time. Other colleges may adopt
the plan upon recognition of its
success here at General Beadle
College, and produce a universal
upset comparable to that caused
by the incubator replacing the
hen in the chick-raising industries.
Students Give Trojans Great Send-off
Dean Pease Given
Annual Award By
City Dog Council
The Madison city dog council,
which sponsors an annual award
for notable service to the dogs of
this city, has awarded it this year
to L. N. Pease, Dean of Men. Mr.
Pease will be given a miniature
fire hydrant at a banquet in his
honor.
In order to achieve this award,
Mr. Pease shoveled paths to all
the trees on the campus for the
sole purpose of being of service
to any and all dogs who might
amble around His dog, Suttee,
was the first to profit from the
pain of this labor.
The miniature fire hydrant will
replace the sun dial now located
between East and West Wing, according to rumor.
FIRST PARACHUTE ELOPEMENT HERE Einton and companion drop from fourth floor, East Hall,
in Spectacular Getaway.
NOVEL ELOPEMENT TAKES
PLACE AT GIRLS' DORM
An elopment occurred here last
Thursday evening such as was
never seen before. Instead of a
ladder being used, the two principals involved departed from the
dorm by way of parachute. This
reporter happened to be near the
scene and got a good picture of
the couple as they were floating
gently away.
Upon investigation it was found
(Page 3, please) GREAT DISASTER Sorge Ghrantz gazes wonderingly at Chemistry Laboratory
ruins after new bomb is touched off by honor students.
CHEMISTRY LAB EXPLOSION
UNCOVERS BOMB PRODIGIES
A terrific explosion occurred
in the chemistry laboratory last
Monday at 9 a.m. Wood and
smoke were seen landing all over
the campus and the gym is now
an amphitheater because its roof
was blown completely off and
landed on the third floor of East
Hall. .
Investigations were started immediately after the explosion by
Sorge Ghrantz. He found that
Pim Jeterson and Garrel Denzlinger were conducting experiments, and were responsible for
the blast. They were called into
the president's office for questioning, and they declared that
they had just been mixing nitro
glycerine with a few acids before the explosion.
Mr. Ghrantz then tried the formula that the boys had worked
out and came to an amazing discovery. The two boys had stumbled upon another atom bomb,
only on a bigger scale.
Washington was called immediately and FBI officials called
upon Mr. Ghrantz and the boys
at General Beadle to investigate
the discovery. After testing the
experiments and securing loyalty
oaths from the boys, they offered $50,000,000 for the formula.
Jeterson and Denzlinger went
into a conference and after hours
(Page 2, please)
Trojans Leave
for Helsinki
to Participate In
8th Summer Olympics
A rousing send-off by the student body of General Beadle was
given ot Coach Billiam Wulfer
and a squad of 78 men, who left
today for Helsinki, where they
will participate in the 1952 summer Olympics.
The Trojans were asked to attend the winter Olympics, but
were forced to turn down the invitation because of lack of competition. Over 2,000 students jammed the city of Madison along
Egan Avenue to wish the team
luck in their defense of the Olympic crown which they have won
for the last seven years.
The original plans called for the
group to leave by special plane
from Flynn Field, but a peasoup
fog forced them to go by lumber
wagon to Wentworth where they
boarded a plane for New York.
From there they will go to the
Finnish capital by tramp steamer.
They plan to return in time for
the summer school sessions.
Coach Wulfer declared that he
wanted to take more men with
him but, "Most of our men around
here would rather stay and
study."
The squad will enter the whist,
gin, and pinochle contests.
One team will be matched
against a team from Finland. The
Trojans are confident of victory.
As one fellow said, "We can't
lose. They're Finnish from the
start."
WANTED!
Here is the only available photograph of the person we know as
"Mr. O. K." He is well known
for his malicious writing which
daily appears on the bulletin board.
This person, known only as "Mr.
O. K.", is wanted by authorities
for okaying all the notices posted
on the bulletin board. Some believe he is suffering from an inferiority complex. Others believe
he is a spy attempting to gain
the confidence of the faculty by
approving their notices.
CAUTION! This person is
armed with a deadly pencil, which
is bringing terror to the faculty
and students alike.

The work from which this copy was made did not include a formal copyright notice. This work may be protected by U.S. copyright law (Title 17, United States Code), which governs reproduction, distribution, public display, and other uses of protected works. Some uses may be legal with permission from the copyright holder, if the copyright on the work has expired, or if the use is fair use or compliance with the law. All use of DLSD material and content, whether utilized under fair use or used with written permission to publish, must name the Karl E. Mundt Historical & Educational Foundation, Karl E. Mundt Library, Dakota State University, as the original source for the material.

The work from which this copy was made did not include a formal copyright notice. This work may be protected by U.S. copyright law (Title 17, United States Code), which governs reproduction, distribution, public display, and other uses of protected works. Some uses may be legal with permission from the copyright holder, if the copyright on the work has expired, or if the use is fair use or compliance with the law. All use of DLSD material and content, whether utilized under fair use or used with written permission to publish, must name the Karl E. Mundt Historical & Educational Foundation, Karl E. Mundt Library, Dakota State University, as the original source for the material.

APRIL
Fool!
The Eastern
APRIL
Fool!
VOL. 32
MADISON, SOUTH DAKOTA, MARCH, 1952
No. 7
Changes Made
At East Hall
THOUSANDS GATHER TO SEE DEPARTURE
NEAR RIOT ON EGAN AVENUE
Deanless System to
Be Provided Soon
As soon as contractors can be
hired and materials arrive, East
Hall will undergo improvements
that will make General Beadle
famous as the only college with a
completely equipped non-dean
girls dormitory system.
This new deanless system provides for:
(1) All single rooms, 6' by
6', equipped with a bed. The
one window will be uncurtained,
(to eliminate the possibility of
hanging one'self) and barred
(to discourage jumping).
(2) Individual hallways of a
width sufficient to permit passage of one person, leading from
outer doors to each room.
Soundproof panels between
such tunnels will eliminate disturbances.
(3) An electric eye that operates automatically at the stroke
of seven-thirty to throw into
motion a record of a female
voice, blaring, ''It is now seven-
thirty, time for study hours to
begin" and again at ten-thirty,
"Everyone in her own room,"
followed by the theme "Fair,
Fair, Fairness is our motto."
To discourage noise making
during quiet hours, a sound-
sensitive switch will throw the
entire building into darkness
after a first warning blink.
(4) A time clock, to be
punched by girls at every entry
and departure, will eliminate
the practice of using a sign-out
book.
With the passage of time, additions or corrections may be
necessary, but this plan is highly
recommended and appears to be
entirely workable at the present
time. Other colleges may adopt
the plan upon recognition of its
success here at General Beadle
College, and produce a universal
upset comparable to that caused
by the incubator replacing the
hen in the chick-raising industries.
Students Give Trojans Great Send-off
Dean Pease Given
Annual Award By
City Dog Council
The Madison city dog council,
which sponsors an annual award
for notable service to the dogs of
this city, has awarded it this year
to L. N. Pease, Dean of Men. Mr.
Pease will be given a miniature
fire hydrant at a banquet in his
honor.
In order to achieve this award,
Mr. Pease shoveled paths to all
the trees on the campus for the
sole purpose of being of service
to any and all dogs who might
amble around His dog, Suttee,
was the first to profit from the
pain of this labor.
The miniature fire hydrant will
replace the sun dial now located
between East and West Wing, according to rumor.
FIRST PARACHUTE ELOPEMENT HERE Einton and companion drop from fourth floor, East Hall,
in Spectacular Getaway.
NOVEL ELOPEMENT TAKES
PLACE AT GIRLS' DORM
An elopment occurred here last
Thursday evening such as was
never seen before. Instead of a
ladder being used, the two principals involved departed from the
dorm by way of parachute. This
reporter happened to be near the
scene and got a good picture of
the couple as they were floating
gently away.
Upon investigation it was found
(Page 3, please) GREAT DISASTER Sorge Ghrantz gazes wonderingly at Chemistry Laboratory
ruins after new bomb is touched off by honor students.
CHEMISTRY LAB EXPLOSION
UNCOVERS BOMB PRODIGIES
A terrific explosion occurred
in the chemistry laboratory last
Monday at 9 a.m. Wood and
smoke were seen landing all over
the campus and the gym is now
an amphitheater because its roof
was blown completely off and
landed on the third floor of East
Hall. .
Investigations were started immediately after the explosion by
Sorge Ghrantz. He found that
Pim Jeterson and Garrel Denzlinger were conducting experiments, and were responsible for
the blast. They were called into
the president's office for questioning, and they declared that
they had just been mixing nitro
glycerine with a few acids before the explosion.
Mr. Ghrantz then tried the formula that the boys had worked
out and came to an amazing discovery. The two boys had stumbled upon another atom bomb,
only on a bigger scale.
Washington was called immediately and FBI officials called
upon Mr. Ghrantz and the boys
at General Beadle to investigate
the discovery. After testing the
experiments and securing loyalty
oaths from the boys, they offered $50,000,000 for the formula.
Jeterson and Denzlinger went
into a conference and after hours
(Page 2, please)
Trojans Leave
for Helsinki
to Participate In
8th Summer Olympics
A rousing send-off by the student body of General Beadle was
given ot Coach Billiam Wulfer
and a squad of 78 men, who left
today for Helsinki, where they
will participate in the 1952 summer Olympics.
The Trojans were asked to attend the winter Olympics, but
were forced to turn down the invitation because of lack of competition. Over 2,000 students jammed the city of Madison along
Egan Avenue to wish the team
luck in their defense of the Olympic crown which they have won
for the last seven years.
The original plans called for the
group to leave by special plane
from Flynn Field, but a peasoup
fog forced them to go by lumber
wagon to Wentworth where they
boarded a plane for New York.
From there they will go to the
Finnish capital by tramp steamer.
They plan to return in time for
the summer school sessions.
Coach Wulfer declared that he
wanted to take more men with
him but, "Most of our men around
here would rather stay and
study."
The squad will enter the whist,
gin, and pinochle contests.
One team will be matched
against a team from Finland. The
Trojans are confident of victory.
As one fellow said, "We can't
lose. They're Finnish from the
start."
WANTED!
Here is the only available photograph of the person we know as
"Mr. O. K." He is well known
for his malicious writing which
daily appears on the bulletin board.
This person, known only as "Mr.
O. K.", is wanted by authorities
for okaying all the notices posted
on the bulletin board. Some believe he is suffering from an inferiority complex. Others believe
he is a spy attempting to gain
the confidence of the faculty by
approving their notices.
CAUTION! This person is
armed with a deadly pencil, which
is bringing terror to the faculty
and students alike.