I feel bad even asking this, but do I have to ask my future sister-in-law, we'll call her Nichole, to be in my wedding party?

I think Nichole's sweet and we have a good relationship. I asked her two daughters to be my flower girls and was going to leave it at that, but now a cousin has asked Nichole to be in her wedding—so it feels awkward not to ask her to be in our wedding when I'm marrying her brother. I'm sure my groom expects me to ask her. But here are my concerns:

1. She's 10 years older than my friends and I. I don't think she'd enjoy hanging out with us—especially if the bachelorette party gets "inappropriate."

2. I feel like she'll be distracted on our wedding day, chasing after her daughters while the other bridesmaids are participating or having their pictures taken.

3. I was planning on having the bridesmaids and groomsmen sit together, but Nichole would probably want to sit with her family.

4. I feel like being a bridesmaid means being part of the group. Since Nichole has a new baby, I don't think she'll have time to help plan the shower and I don't think she'll have fun at the bachelorette party.

5. The bridesmaid dresses I picked out are fitted with a sweetheart neckline—and she's carrying a lot of post-baby weight. I'm NOT judging her. She is SuperMom! But I'm worried she'll feel obligated to say yes to my invite and then loathe me for asking her to wear a dress that won't flatter her.

6. My guy and I have put a "cap" on the number of people we can each ask to be in the wedding party. I hate to cut one of my lifelong girlfriends for the sake of including Nichole, who I'm just not that close with. My friends would be so hurt if I didn't ask them—but I'm not sure Nichole would even care if I don't ask her.

I know Nichole's happy that we're including her girls in the wedding. So is that enough? (I feel like she'd be happiest sitting with them and being able to watch them.) Or do I have to ask her to be a bridesmaid?

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Here are my thoughts:

Clearly you don't want to ask Nichole to be in your wedding. So don't!

I feel like all of the concerns you raised have fairly easy solutions, but if you can't see beyond your head table and your strapless bridesmaid dresses, you're just going to wind up resenting her if she does say yes—which is going to make the months leading up to your wedding uncomfortable for both of you.

If it's important to your fiance to have his sister be in your wedding, maybe he could ask her to be a groomsgirl. (That way she'd count toward his quota.) She could wear a more-forgiving dress in the same color and fabric as your bridesmaid dresses, and stand on his side when the wedding party's assembled during the ceremony. Of course she'd still be invited to your shower and bachelorette. But since she'd sort of be a "bridesmaid lite," she won't have to help plan anything—and she can bow out early when things get "inappropriate."

Ladies, what do you think? Does Ellis have to ask her future sister-in-law to be a bridesmaid? Do you have a better solution?