This was the advice I gave my younger brother when I was a senior in high school, he was entering as a freshman. To this day he says it was some of the greatest advice I’ve ever given him, I’m not proud of that by any means, but it’s proof I was right.

That was my old approach to getting girls to like me, an immature tactic that is expected from an immature kid, but as I’ve matured over the years I’ve come to realize something else about attraction.

People are going about attraction all wrong.

You ever notice how it naturally comes easy to be yourself, be goofy, relaxed, confident around someone that you aren’t attracted to physically, yet the moment an attractive guy or girl enters the room, you stiffen up become quiet or get nervous?

Why is this?

It’s always fascinated me that the moment people are aware of an attractive person in the room, they stop being themselves, their tone of voice changes, their posture changes, even their identity changes.

Most likely the reason for this is to make a good first impression, but I’ve seen this reaction have the complete opposite effect that people are going for when they are trying to get someone to like them.

The worse thing you can do when trying to provoke attraction towards you is clam up and get intimidated by someones beauty.

You don’t need the pretty face of an individual to like you, all you need is to get their brain to like you.

I’m not sure when I came to this realization, I believe I always kind of knew this to be true, but it wasn’t until college that I really practiced it. I think being a psychology major probably contributed to fine tuning this theory and approach, but I’ve witnessed great success with this approach, both with myself and those I’ve preached it to.

You may not always win over the girl or guy you are trying to court, but I guarantee you’ll be much more at ease and yourself when doing so and really that is the whole point!

Now I’m no Brad Pitt by any means, I don’t even like to date really, I prefer things to happen organically, I’m actually a big advocate for being alone, but I’ve never really had a problem with approaching or talking to cute girls.

Admittedly there is a different approach and way that I will talk to attractive girls than when talking to, say, a co-worker with whom there is zero attraction to, but I’d have to say that I keep it pretty real and am myself with just about everyone.

Below is my theory and suggestions for how you start approaching attraction and how to best give yourself a shot at getting someone to like you. Being a guy I’m going to write from the perspective of attracting a female, but this works for any sex trying to attract anyone.

We Can’t Control Who and What We’re Attracted To

Some people like tomatoes, some don’t. I happen to hate tomatoes, but love salsa. Did I choose to have these preferences? If so, I certainly don’t recall doing so.

You can’t control who you are attracted to, what physical features appeal to you or how those attractions will evolve over your maturity, therefore you shouldn’t be totally consumed with your physical appearance.

For one there isn’t a whole lot that you can do about your looks, sure there’s a difference between rolling out of bed and a fresh shave but if you’re trying to always control how you look, then you’re focusing on the wrong thing, thus going about attraction all wrong.

Put yourself together to where you feel confident, and then forget about your looks. Once you accept how you look you can focus on what really matters, not your face, but rather what comes out of it.

I don’t want to be cliche here and say that, “it’s on the inside that matters“. No doubt physical attraction is huge and always will be, it’s the first thing that people judge you by.

But what I’m getting at is this, no two girls are going to have the same attraction to your looks. They don’t choose if they are attracted to you, so if they can’t control it, neither can you. If all you are relying on is your looks, then you’re gonna miss a lot of opportunities.

For 85% (no data to this number) of us looks alone aren’t gonna cut it.

Only Focus On What You Can Control

When you first see someone, you know instantly if you are attracted to them but that isn’t the only chance you get. Can you imagine if it was? There’d be a lot more 40 year old virgins.

When you find yourself attracted to someone and catch yourself getting nervous, or shy, remind yourself that this person has very little control whether or not they are attracted to you, since you can’t control your looks, target what you can control, your actions.

I have a lot of friends that are intimidated by cute girls or guys, so they’ll shy away from them and hope that by some miracle they are forced to be together. Basically in this scenario you are relying on your looks, and hoping that persons genetics of attraction favor your physical features, essentially you are playing the lottery, putting everything out of your control.

But if you get in the mind state that this person can’t control whether or not they like you, you can more easily relax and be yourself, just as you are around someone that you have no attraction towards whatsoever.

When you are in this relaxed and true self state, you are exhibiting your true personality and have a much better chance of captivating the mind of the person you are wishing to attract.

Now this isn’t some mind game you need to play or a complex science, what I’m trying to prove to you is that you really just need to be yourself, I promise you it gives you the best chance of trying to achieve what your going for.

If You’re Not Being Yourself, Than Who Are You Being?

If you can learn to be yourself, the same person you are naturally when you’re not intimidated by someones looks, then you’ll put yourself in much better position to attract their mind to you.

What does it mean to attract someones mind? Simple, get them to know you, to like you, to think you’re a good person. They won’t get a chance to see any of that if you clam up and get shy.

Perhaps the most powerful way to get someones brain to like you is to make them laugh. Laughter invokes pleasure within the brain and when someone associates you with being funny they develop an attraction for that feeling of pleasure.

Many times that emotion will manifest into a physical attraction, not always, but I’ve seen guys get girls that are way out of their leagues physically, simply by making them laugh regularly.

Now if you’re not naturally funny, don’t try too hard to make someone laugh, there’s a big difference in the attraction level of someone laughing with you and them laughing at you.

Another good tactic is to ask questions. Asking questions promotes conversation and can help break the ice. Don’t make in an interrogation, you don’t want to make someone uncomfortable by getting too nosey.

Next time you notice yourself shying away from your true self around someone, pretend that they are that co-worker you have no attraction for. Let your true self come out, most people shy up for fear of being rejected, but what you’re about to learn is that there is truly nothing to lose, it’s not your fault someone doesn’t like you.

It’s Not Me, It’s You…

The statement above brings truth to why someone doesn’t like you, and when you realize that your fears of rejection dissolve. We’ve all been dumped by the following expression, “It’s not you, it’s me“. You’ve probably used the expression yourself.

Usually when that phrase is heard we dismiss it as being untrue and just a cliche to let someone go as easily as possible. When you say it to yourself however, in this way, “It’s not me, it’s you” it has a calming truth to it that allows you to not feel rejected.

You see, this common phrase reworded allows you to realize that it’s not your fault that someone doesn’t like you, heck it’s not the other persons fault either, for they can’t decide who they like, therefore you shouldn’t take it personally.

Just as you don’t have much control of who you are attracted to, you have to understand that other people are wired in the same way. They aren’t choosing to be unattracted to you, how can you take that personally?

Fear drives a lot of our decisions, the fear of being rejected by someone you find desirable can paralyze you in your ability to be yourself around them. It’s the easy way out, to not be yourself around someone you’re trying to impress, after all if you’re rejected at least it wasn’t the real you they were rejecting.

This mindset has got to stop. You are literally expecting failure by approaching people with this mindset, and you’re more likely than not, going to get it.

You need not fear being rejected by someone, for if they don’t like you it’s no ones fault really (unless you make a total ass out of yourself). Someone doesn’t like you or find you attractive, so what? It doesn’t mean you aren’t worthy of them, or attractive to many other people.

Don’t let the intimidation of a cute face get you out of your element of being yourself, they are merely a brain and beating heart under that skin, the same biological makeup of your zero attraction co-worker.

Your New Mindset

Physical attraction will always be a strong emotion that influences decisions and desires, but it’s pretty much out of your control what you look like and what you’re attracted to.

Now that you realize this, and that there is nothing to be intimidated about when trying to attract a mate, you’ll have a higher success rate by being more comfortable, confident, and unreserved from fear.

Have you ever said to yourself or one of your friends, “How did he, get that girl?” You know when you see a couple that clearly one person is much more attractive, physically, than the other.

A perfect example of how you can’t choose who you like. Once your mind becomes intrigued, interested or attracted to someone’s personality you have no choice but to like them and want to be around them.

This was not some brainwashing lesson I described in this post, really I just want you to realize that there is a much easier mindset to attraction, specifically how to provoke it. Don’t be intimidated by a pretty face, you can be attracted to it, but they are no more human than you, get their mind to like you and they’re yours.

I hope you have gained a new perspective to attraction and to humans from this article. My goal with site is to always provide content that will in someway, small or big help increase your quality of life and help you become a better person.

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One Response to “How To Get A Girl To Like You: Attract Their Mind…”

Very simple but honest article. Though physical attraction is the one responsible for the first impression, we grow out of that very soon. Then comes the emotional connection. If you like each other from inside, a long term relationship is possible, otherwise there is no depth, no connection.