I arrived at the party late, there were already close to 40 people crowded into my neighbor's small house. As always, I had waited until the last minute to find a costume, and ended up just cutting eye holes in a sheet and coming as a ghost. I didn't even have arm holes, just the sheet layed over me. Really original, I know.

I hadn't been there long when I noticed her across the room... A gorgeous, dark haired beauty wearing a very sexy cowgirl costume, laughing with a few of her friends. I was immediately entranced, and found myself staring at her. She happened to look over in my direction, I quickly turned away and thanked my neighbor for inviting me to the party. Hopefully she hadn't seen me.

Throughout the night, the sexy cowgirl continued to unintentionally hypnotize me. Every time I looked over at her she was doing something to draw me further into her web. Of course, I ended up standing right behind her when we played "bobbing for apples", and was treated to a lovely view of her butt as she leaned over the tub of apples. And when she came up with an apple, she looked right at me, took a bite, and winked.

I knew I was going to kick myself later if I didn't at least try to talk to her. I was already upset that I was wearing a GHOST costume, what a dork! I walked up to her, said, "E-excuse me, Miss... um..."

She turned to look at me, her eyes sparkling with a hint of trouble. "Yes? Can I help you?"

Just then, her friend, a pirate wench, dragged her away to talk to someone they both knew. I had missed my chance. Depressed, I asked my neighbor if I could use his bathroom, then I thought I'd just go home. He directed me to use the one connected to his bedroom.

I entered the bedroom and walked toward the bathroom door. Suddenly, I heard door click behind me. I turned around to see the sexy cowgirl locking the door. She motioned to me with her finger. "Come here, ghost boy."

I walked over to her, and she grabbed my sheet, keeping me close. "So, I noticed you've been watching me all night."

"You have?"

"Yes. I know you've been staring at my body, my legs, my butt. I saw you looking at my ass when I was bobbing for apples. Every time I've looked over at you all night, you're eyes have been focused on me. In fact, my friends noticed, too. They've been giggling about it all night."

"I'm... I'm sorry. I just liked your costume."

She smiled. "Oh, really? So you weren't thinking about how you wanted to grab me and kiss me? Or about bringing me in here, throw me on the bed, and put your hands all over my body?" I tried to back away, but she held me close. "Are you sure, at no time tonight, you fantasized about ripping my clothes off with your teeth, lavish kisses on my neck, stomach, my breasts? You didn't wonder what it would be like to suck on my nipples, or nibble on my thigh? Didn't ache to feel my warm, naked body pressed up next to yours?"

I couldn't speak. She reached down with one hand and found my cock. It was rock hard.

"I think you did." She pushed me back onto the bed and lifted my sheet high enough to get at my pants, which she yanked off me. This was followed by my boxers.

"You stay quiet and I won't tell your neighbor, who is MY younger brother, that you were perving on me. Got it?" I nodded. "Stand up and turn around," she ordered.

I stood up, now naked under the sheet from the waist down, and turned away from her. She lifted the sheet again, smacked my ass twice, then took of her neckband and used it to tie my hands together behind my back. Then she turned me back around. "Sit on the edge of the bed, ghost boy."

I sat down, the sheet bunched up so my raging erection was exposed. Cowgirl was wiggling her panties off from beneath her skirt. She walked over to me, straddled my legs, and lowered herself so that my cock was rubbing up against her beautiful, warm, wet center. She began working up and down slowly on me.

She put her arms on my shoulders. "You see, ghost boy, unlike most people at this party, I know what you look like. I've been watching you for a long time now, every time I come to visit my brother. I've been hoping for a chance to get you alone, show you what I'd like to do to you." She began rubbing faster now. I groaned. "Don't you cum, ghost boy. You cum and it's the last time you'll ever feel this hot wet pussy grinding against you."

I struggled at my tied hands, trying to free them. I wanted her inside me so bad, it was too much to bear. She was really working me hard now.

"I just wanted to give you a taste of what it would be like if you invite me over for coffee some time. You know, while my brother's out of town. Wouldn't you like to feel this again?"

I was trying so hard to not get too excited. "Y-yes.... I.... I don't think I can hold it much longer...."

She collapsed her head onto my shoulders, spent. I was still trying to process what happened, my hips were pumping, begging for release. But it was not to be. Sexy cowgirl stood up, put her panties back on, and looked at my erection, giggling.

"Oh, what a good boy. You didn't lose control. Stand up, sweetie." I stood up, and the sheet fell down, covering my naked legs and torso. My hard on made the sheet just out, however, and the precum she'd coaxed from me was already starting to form a spot on the sheet. She picked up my pants and boxers, and fished my house keys out of the pocket of my jeans.

"I'll tell you what, sexy boy. I'll take these and meet you over at your house in fifteen minutes. You might need to ask someone to open the door for you. He he he. But if you can make it over to your house in the fifteen minutes with that boner intact, I will give you a night you will never forget."

And then she left, carrying my pants and boxers with her, shutting the door behind her. I wriggled at the bandanna tying my hands together... It was not coming off.

Happy Halloween, Everyone! And a special thank you to the lovely Ms Kate for last night's incredibly mind blowing session. You shocked and amazed me once again!

And leave me a message telling me what you dressed up as for Halloween!

I woke up this morning and decided I'd change gears a bit, have a bit of fun with my post. So, even though I can't imagine why anyone would care, here's a list of some things that make me all tingly. It's just a sampling, as the whole list would take me all day to write.

1. Ms. Kate (naturally)2. Ponytails and dark colored hair3. The smell of rain and pine (seperately or together)4. Really good writing and poetry5. Kate Beckinsale (note, she's my second favorite Kate)6. Foot massages (giving and receiving)7. Being surprised8. Having my lip nibbled on9. Giving up control to someone I trust10. A full moon11. Candles flickering12. Sun dresses13. Being teased to distraction14. Waterfalls and tidepools15. Having naughty thoughts whispered into my ear

I had the most amazing and rewarding session with Ms. Kate last night. It had been three weeks since I had last had an orgasm, and let me tell you, I was crawling the walls. I was so ready to get some sort of release... I was prepared to do just about anything she asked to get that release.

Sessions with Kate, for me, are always filled with electricity and excitement. It's palpable. There's a tension that I cannot quite describe, and I absolutely love it. I never quite know where she's going to take me, what space inside my brain she is going to inhabit. All I know is that when she finds that space, she owns it and I'm the guest. That's why I've found that the best way to enjoy the session is to just follow her lead and try to keep up.

There's always something new and exciting. This time she had me do some very, very naughty things with such innocent looking items... I had to get these items special, and I never would have guessed what they'd be used for. Whew! She had me feeling so many different things at the same time that I wasn't even able to beg to cum as much as I wanted to. Ooooooh.... It still makes me tingle thinking about it. I have never ever had that kind of sensation in my entire life. (Maybe if you call her, and you're an extra, extra good stroker, you'll find out about her special technique.) Good Lord, it felt good.

Now don't get me wrong, there was begging and pleading. And there have been some kind souls who claim to have been pleading my case with Ms Kate, too. (Or maybe that's just what they tell me.) And there was some very exquisite build up to the edge for me... And then there was the moment when she asked me if I thought I should get to cum, and of course I said yes. And then she announced her verdict... And I obeyed.

What I really love about these sessions is that I get to be the person I want to be, and there are no judgements, no boundaries, just open communication about what I need and what I am feeling. It is such a release, and I am so fortunate to feel so free to express myself with someone like this. Even though it appears I'm giving up a lot of control, I actually feel very empowered by the whole experience. Kate helps me understand who I really am, helps me shed the skin that's been hiding the real me. She's just what I needed... Compassionate and understanding and intuitive.

I can't wait to see what adventure she takes me on next.

P.S. If you would like to talk to Ms. Kate, she can be reached at 1-800-356-6169, or you can IM or email her with questions. Her profile is in the links session.

Well, I have been denied any release for the last 22 days. I never thought I could make it so long. To be honest, there were a few days when I was sure I wasn't going to make it. I decided weeks ago that failure was not going to be an option for me, though.

I will call the fantastic and beautiful Ms Kate tonight to see if I've earned my reward. I will try to be good, but I'm sure there will be a lot of pleading involved on my part. Hopefully that won't lead to my undoing.

I wasn't feeling well for a few days and had to make some slight modifications to my normal homework routine. I have no doubt that this was the inspiration for my very jet lagged dream last night. Whew... These vivid dreams are the one side effect of denial that I wasn't counting on. It's going to be a long day.

Here's my latest dream. Who is the blond nurse? I'll never tell.

NURSED BACK TO HEALTHI sat on the exam table, flipping through the magazine that the last patient had left there. I hated the doctor's office, but I had been feeling so run down lately that I knew there must be something wrong with me. It was a bit cold in the room, since I was wearing just the hospital gown they had provided me.

There was a knock on the door, and a beautiful dark haired nurse walked in. "Mr. Ace, I'm Nurse Kate." She looked at my chart. "It says here that you've been feeling very tired lately. I need to ask you a few questions so the doctor can diagnose your problem. Please lay down on the table and relax."

I laid back on the table, and she pulled her chair up to my face, set her arm on my chest, and began reading the questions. "Do you smoke?"

Her beautiful eyes were so close to mine, I was drawn in. I managed to answer,"No."

"Do you take any illegal substances?" Again I answered no. She asked several run of the mill questions about my habits, occasionally patting my chest to make me feel more comfortable. Then she asked, "When was your last orgasm?"

It had been some time. Between feeling so tired and work, I had not had much of a sex drive. I answered bashfully, "Three weeks."

She looked into my eyes. "Three weeks? Not even through masturbation?" I nodded, feeling a little uncomfortable now. "Please excuse me for a moment, Mr. Ace."

She exited the room, then returned again quickly with another very attractive blond nurse. "The doctor has asked us to do a few tests before he sees you. I've brought in my colleague to help." Nurse Kate approached my legs and grabbed my ankles, securing them with Velcro straps to the edges of the table. "I hope that's not too uncomfortable for you. It helps us to get better test results if you are still." The blond nurse helped Nurse Kate secure my wrists at my sides in the same fashion.

Once again, Nurse Kate put her face near mine and talked gently. "The doctor feels that your condition may be a side effect of sexual frustration. We need to check a few levels on you, take a few samples, in order to be sure." She stroked my hair back and smiled. "This may feel awkward for you right now, but never forget that we have your best interests at heart. It will be over before you know it."

She placed a thermometer in my mouth. "Hold on to this, sweetie. This is one of those glass thermometers, so if it falls out it will break." I held on as firmly as I could. I looked down at my feet and saw that, while I had been distracted, the blond nurse had removed her normal uniform and was wearing just a short white skirt and a bra. I looked at Nurse Kate, asking with my eyes what was going on.

"Don't worry, this is all part of the test. Just lay back, relax, and let us collect our data." She lifted my gown up a bit, exposing my entire lower torso. She turned to the other nurse, "Will you hand me the lubricant, please?" I nearly dropped the thermometer.

The blond nurse handed the tube to Nurse Kate, who poured a liberal amount all over my genital area. Then, to my great amazement, she began to fondle me. "Just relax, Mr. Ace. The majority of our data must be collected when your penis is in an erect state." I felt my cock begin to tingle, the nerves waking up and the blood rushing to it. The blond nurse put a blood pressure cuff on my arm and inflated it.

I was hard now, and Nurse Kate was pumping me very slowly, rubbing the head a bit after every stroke, working me into a very aroused state. She stopped and looked at her handiwork. "Okay, let's get some measurements here. Hand me the tape, please." The blond nurse reached over my head to grab the tape off the counter, rubbing her breasts in my face in the process. She gave the tape to Nurse Kate and the two of them took every imaginable measurement of my cock. Girth, height, color, head circumference... I was going insane with the thermometer in my mouth, wondering if they were ever going to remember to take it out.

Nurse Kate removed her coat now, revealing a green lace bra that barely covered her perfect breasts. "You're doing so good, sweetie. Just hang in there, we have almost all the data we need now." She began pumping me again in earnest, faster and harder than before. For the first time in weeks, I could feel the semen start to bubble inside of me. She rubbed the head a bit, then continued stroking full force. "Don't have an orgasm, okay. You let me know if you are close. If you ejaculate, we will have to start over, which means you'll have to stay here like this for a few hours."

The blond nurse made it worse... She walked down to stand next to Nurse Kate and began massaging my balls lightly. I was in heaven and hell at the same time. I could feel myself surrendering to the sensations. Suddenly, the blond nurse put her hand on Nurse Kate's breast, and the two began kissing, looking right at me.

It was more than I could handle. I mumbled through the thermometer that I was going to cum. They both smiled at me, and Nurse Kate squeezed down hard on my cock just before I exploded. She held it there for a moment, then released. They looked down at my throbbing member and frowned. Nurse Kate looked at me a bit more sternly now. "I thought you were close. Hmm. Not even one drop of precum yet."

She began working me hard again, and they resumed kissing. The blond nurse walked behind Nurse Kate and removed her bra. She then took a turn stroking me as Nurse Kate returned the favor. They were kissing more passionately now, their tongues darting all over the place. But still they looked right into my eyes as the did it. I tensed, mumbled at them again, and they stopped, looking at my cock head.

A bit of precum dripped out the tip. Nurse Kate grabbed a small vial and tried to collect it. She held it up, studying it. "Well, there's some here, but not enough for a proper sample." She threw the vial in the trash and looked at me. "You're really making us work for this today, aren't you?" She smiled, her cheeks flush. Reaching beneath her skirt, she removed a matching pair of green panties, tossing them aside. "We're going to have to do this the hard way, I guess."

Nurse Kate lifted herself onto the table, straddling my chest. I could feel that she was wet, which drove me even more crazy. The blond nurse stood between my legs, pumping me, keeping me aroused. Nurse Kate wiggled a little on my chest, then took the thermometer out of my mouth. "Oh, poor thing. You do have a bit of a temperature. And your heart rate is a little elevated, too." She took my face in her hand. "Now, if you promise to sit there quietly and let us finish the tests, I'll make sure we make you feel much, much better." I nodded, starting to sweat.

Nurse Kate smiled at me, then slowly moved backward, sliding right on to my cock, and I was inside her. She put one finger to her lips and looked at me. "Shhhhhhhhh."

The blond nurse began kissing Nurse Kate's neck and fondling her breasts from behind. Nurse Kate began working herself up and down on my engorged dick. I felt my breath quiver as I tried so hard to be silent. Kate looked at me the whole time, setting the pace herself, making me want to thrust my hips. But I couldn't. I was secured too well.

Blond nurse started rubbing Nurse Kate's clit now, eliciting moans. She continued to nibble at her neck as well, and I could feel Kate starting to clench around me and quicken the pace. Her nipples were hard, her face and chest blushing red, and she sped up even more. I could feel myself starting to cum. I tried to speak. "Nurse Kate, I'm...."

"Shhhhhhhh....."

My breath trembled as I tried to hold it back. Nurse Kate whipped her head backward and froze for a moment, clenched me so tight I could tell that she came, and kept going. It was more than I could take. My body clenched, my toes curled, I closed my eyes and came. I came harder than I had in a long time, spurting over and over. I nearly passed out, it was so strong. Eyes still closed, I heard her whisper to me, "Breathe.... breathe......"

She got down off the table, pulled her skirt down, and looked at my slowly declining dick. "Well, unfortunately, the test results won't be accurate now. You'll have to stay here for a few more hours so we can try again." The blond nurse, looking a bit flustered herself, began massaging my balls again.

Nurse Kate reached down and kissed me full on the lips and bit my bottom lip slightly. She whispered in my ear, "Don't worry. We'll keep trying until we get it right."

Have you ever woke and realized that your hips were pumping because you are so aroused? When you are being denied orgasms, it probably not the best way to start your day. But that's how my day started yesterday, and it sort of set the tone.

I think a part of me that has been buried deep is starting to awaken. I was on edge, brave, flirtatious, horny, forward, challenging. I wanted to cum and I didn't care what anyone else had to say about it.

Except I actually did care. Two weeks without is a huge deal for me. I am very proud of myself. One month ago I never would have dreamed I could do this.

And it helps, I suppose, that for all intents and purposes I do not currently hold the deed to my cock. Miss Kate has that tucked away in a safe deposit box somewhere, where it can keep me from harm. Even though I am the one edging myself every night, it is as if my hands are tied behind my back and she is getting me to that point. I can wriggle and try to escape the bonds, but she has tied them too well. All I can do is focus on the exquisite torment of the stimulation.

So I had my attitude yesterday, even knowing that my most basic desire was out of my grasp. I was confident at work, I walked tall and didn't take any shit from anyone. And then I came home, and relaxed, and did my homework, and fell asleep.

I dreamt that I was tied spread eagle to a bed, blindfolded. Kate whispered in my ear, "Just hang on a little longer. Don't cum until I tell you to." I said okay, then I felt a mouth working my dick. Up and down, licking here and there, sucking lightly on the head, kissing the tip... Hands caressing my balls, then stroking me. Slow, powerful strokes that became fast strokes over time.

I tried so hard to clench, to hold off the orgasm. She was working me hard though. I wanted to cum so bad, but I wanted to do it when she said. I could feel myself tightening for the final release. My whole body, in that moment, was filled with cum. It needed to get out, it wanted to get out so bad. I felt my cock swell and swell and swell as she licked the underside of the head and pumped me up and down.

In my fevered dream, I was begging to be allowed to cum. The hands that were working me stopped and lifted just out of my reach. I tried to raise my hips to find them, but then I felt naked legs straddle my chest, holding me down. Her lips close to my ear, she breathed, "It's not time yet." I felt her give my cock one last long squeeze.

Last night, I really had to go slowly to "edge". After putting tons of lube on the head, I rubbed around it slowly, trying very hard to breath. I touched it very lightly, hoping to make it easier on myself. Unfortunately, after about 20 seconds, I found myself trying so hard not to buck my hips or speed up. I had to stop.

But I hadn't edged yet, so I decided to rub just the underside of the shaft with a couple of fingers. If felt really good, and gave me a moment to just enjoy the feeling. I then began rubbing the top, then the head again. I wrapped my fingers around the shaft, stroked slowly, got about 15 strokes in, then I was at the edge. I just squeezed down for a minute... I can't believe how long I'm starting to stay on the edge when I get there. I was pulsing, so ready for release....

I went to bed, and fell asleep quickly. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I was still hard, and bucking my hips a bit. I got a drink, and went back to sleep. It took awhile to fall back asleep, but I felt a certain sense of happiness.

It has now been 10 days since I last came. Ten days! For me, that is not even a real number. I have never gone so long! I realized that the reason for my happiness is that I have someone guiding me who makes me think I can do it, can improve myself. I'm not doing this alone, and I think the teasing and denial is less important than the journey of discovery I am on.

I don't know how much longer I'll be in denial mode, how much longer I can last, but I know I will try because Ms Kate makes the rewards for me so sweet. She is truly a talented and incredible person, and I trust her with this very special part of my journey. The road for me is rough, but the driver makes it less bumpy.

I've fallen behind again, mostly due to outside forces that usurp my time. Anyway, I am now in my 8th day of orgasm denial, and I have to say... It is not getting easier. But I am thinking a lot about how incredible it feels to let someone tell you when you can and can't have pleasure. It's quite electrifying. Here's a fantasy that is currently running through my mind... Hope you enjoy.

TIME ZONES

It was the first day of their long, international vacation. She stood framed in the bay window, looking out over the city as the sun rose. Her hair, still wet from the shower, fell in long strands down her back. A gentle breeze flew through the window, and she snuggled into the terrycloth robe. Suddenly, his arms were around her. He kissed her neck, nibbled on her ear, stroked the her hair back, gently.

She started to speak, but he was now nibbling on the other ear. She tilted her head back to kiss his neck, bringing her arms up to hold his head. He took the chance to slide his hand into the front of her robe, caressing her breast. She shivered slightly, melting to the touch.

Grabbing the belt, he untied the robe, letting it fall to the ground. It was chilly, but he wrapped his arms around her body, protecting her from the cold. She could tell that he was naked behind her, his hardness throbbing at the small of her back. She tried to turn around to face him, but his arms were exploring her, touching her most delicate skin, feeling out the curve of her hips, her stomach, her beautiful breasts.

He kissed down her back, enjoy her shoulder blades, the curve of her spine, the small of her back. His lips touched each of her ass cheeks, then made their way back up to her neck. Fondling her breasts, he breathed hard into her ear, his primal way of telling her he wanted her, needed her. He picked her up and carried her to the bed, setting her on the warm down comforter.

He hovered above her, staring at her face, drinking in her eyes, then sealing their mouths together with a passionate kiss. He ran his tongue down her body, tracing her collarbone, her stomach, then to her breasts. With tender movement, he rolled a nipple between his lips, then the other. The stiffness in them betrayed her passion. He sucked on them for a moment, then released, blowing warm air on the wet flesh.

Moving down, he spread her legs with his, kissing lower and lower, kissing the insides of her thighs. She moaned a little as he gently began licking her already wet pussy, tasting her, feeling her give in to the pleasure. Her legs locked around him, pushing his tongue further inside. He made circles with his tongue, little flicks, then some very light sucking. Her hips began to slowly buck up and down.

He couldn't take any more. Hovering above her again, he entered her, enveloped by her tight, warm core. He began slowly thrusting into her. Her face was red, her breathing erratic. He continued, nice slow thrusts, enjoying the feel of it. She grabbed his ass, started setting the pace herself now, breathing hard, sweating, working to a final, wonderful release.

He grunted, feeling the pressure build in him. "Don't cum yet," she whispered between thrusts. He clenched his muscles, concentrated, and kept thrusting forward. "Don't cum until I tell you to."

Faster now, harder, their hands roaming everywhere, touching everything. She closed her eyes, rolled her head back. He kept thrusting, pulsing, pushing her to the limit. Suddenly, she tightened, frozen, and moaned breathily. He kept thrusting for a moment more, driving her to her second, and third breathless moments. He had to stop, then, to hold back his own release. She looked at him with glazed eyes, smiling. They stared at each other for an eternity, then she ran her fingers through his hair.

"That was incredible, my dear." He smiled. "But I told you you could cum on Monday, and today is Sunday. Sorry."

Sorry I was such a slacker yesterday. I've been really busy, so I thought I'd catch up two days in one post.

The feelings and emotions of Day 8 are still fresh in my mind, but I am once again being kept in orgasm denial. I think I will probably be kept in this state for longer this time, and I am very anxious to see what I am capable of. I went a week without cumming last time, but only three days of that included "homework". This time, I'm edging every day from Day 1. We'll see what's in store for me.

Yesterday I felt like, yeah, I could do this. It's not as bad as I think. Then, as the day grew into night, I realized that I was quickly finding myself in the same boat. Frustrated, aching, wanting desperately to quench my thirst for release. Truth be told, though, the support of several kind people has taken a bit of the edge off. I have had constant encouragement and guidance from the lovely Ms. Kate, and several others from the Cockcontrol.com community have rallied behind me.

I've been thinking a lot about myself, how I've let loose a submissive side of my soul that is soooo ready to trust and be nurtured. It's a bit scary for me to allow someone else to control something so personal to me, but I think it has been long overdue. I get myself in too much trouble when I think I know everything.

Will I be able to make it this time? Will I learn something new about myself? Will I learn new things about others? These questions keep me going. It's why I once again find myself stroking my cock to the very brink, every night, and then forcing myself not to cum. It's a very powerful contrast, being so close yet so far. Knowing that one or two more twitches of my wrist, or a thrust of my hips, or a muscle tensing in my stomach, and I'll release the orgasm that I've been trying so often to coax to the surface. That's mind blowing to me.

In those moments when my breath fails me, when my muscles lock and my fingers curl, when time stand still and the world is absolutely silent, I find myself clinging to my "zen", that image or idea or story or voice, that makes me want to be good for one more day.

Well, the day finally came for me to call Ms. Kate again. I could think of nothing else the entire day, though I had so much to do! She IM'd me to tell me what I needed to bring for the session, and made sure I was still doing my homework.

I called the main line and a beautiful voice told me Kate was not available yet. (I found out later it was Ally, who is all sorts of nice.) She had Kate call me when she was ready. I answered the phone, she gave me some sweet and sexy hellos, told me I was doing good, and we began.

I won't go into the specifics of the session too much. It was very special and overwhelming for me and I want to keep that between myself and Kate. Basically, she knew I was DYING to have an orgasm and that I was incredibly aroused, so she had me do some things to keep myself from cumming. She reminded me that I didn't get to choose this time... She got to choose if I was going to get to cum or not.

Kate guided me expertly through a mind-blowing session, guiding me to do the things that she knew would turn me on and make it harder for me to hold back. When she needed to, she coached me down off the peak, making me wait, teaching me to control myself.

My skin was electrified, my body was more in tune with the sensations it was experiencing than ever before. I closed my eyes, blocked out the entire world, and just focused on her voice. I was completely in her hands. As far as I was concerned, my hands were her hands... She was right there, whispering in my ear...

Then, she said that since I'd been so good, she'd decided to let me cum. But only if I could do it when she said "10". I was made to stroke faster, harder, really work towards an orgasm. She counted tortuously slow, helping me stay with her as she kept counting... Made me stroke really fast on eight... nine... and ten....

And then all of the last week was released. All the doubt, the frustration, the anxiety... It was all gone and in it's place was a gentle glow. I think that's all I'll share about that.

Afterwords, it took me ten minutes to want to move again, and even by this morning I was feeling euphoric and happy. What an incredible experience. And I don't have any plans to give up on it now.

Part of the reason I'm keeping this blog is to express myself to others who may be going through the same things. I also need a way to chronicle what I'm going through, what I am discovering about myself. I hope you understand why I choose not to give the specifics about something that was very meaningful to me. I think it cheapens it. I worry about what I'm saying already.

Thank you to all those who are holding my hand during this journey. This is the beginning.

I was so sensitive and aching yesterday. I have not been able to stop thinking about my upcoming call session with Ms. Kate. My balls, starting to get sore now, are hanging lower and fuller than usual, and the head of my cock is very, very sensitive to stimulation. I was a wreck. Then, Kate IM'd me that night and told me she wouldn't be available. I didn't want somebody else training me right now, so I told her I could wait. She was very sweet, and told me to continue with my "homework."

Edging was really difficult last night. I laid down on my bed, so my cock was pointing straight up, and let the lube drizzle from the top of the head down to the base. I didn't move for a moment, just enjoyed the sensation of the the trickling liquid. Then, I began fondling the head, rubbing my fingers around it in a circular motion. I grabbed the base lightly and stroked up and down very, very slowly. It only took about five strokes for me to begin worrying that I wasn't going to make it, so I stopped for a minute. Then I began to rub only the underside of the head, which felt really good. I expanded the area to the whole underside of the cock, then the top side, then just the top of the head. I wrapped my fist around the head and bucked my hips up into my fist. Six strokes, and I was at the edge.... Hold it... Hold it... breath.... breath..... breath...............

And relax. That was one.

I squeezed the head over and over again, like a pulse, until just the squeezing was too stimulating. I rubbed up and down just the sides of my cock. I fondled my balls for a minute, then rubbed circles around just below the head. That was it.... On the edge again... Tensing muscles, cum building to the surface, wanting to get out, pushing, bubbling.... Hold it... Don't cum, don't cum, don't cum...... Start to relax... still pulsing... don't move, don't breath..... Squeeeeeeeze the muscles......

And relax. That was two.

I lay there for a moment thinking about how far I've come in the last week. How I've discovered a submissive side of myself that I really like. How I've been brave enough to give someone control of my pleasure. How I now find myself wondering every day what my next challenge or task will be.

So, yesterday was probably my hardest day ever. I think it's because I was replaying the call in my mind in addition to the fact that I wasn't allowed to have an orgasm. Lady Kate checked in on me a couple of times to make sure I was okay, and reminded me that, even though it's really difficult for me right now, the rewards with be with it. She's such a sweetie. :)

Anyway, the only big mistake I made yesterday was surfing on over to Cock Control during Princess Grace's "Tease Time" chat. I thought it was going to be her and others discussing the teasing process, but instead she wove a fantasy for the chat members to stroke to. Yikes! Fortunately, she saw me there, had read my blog, and reminded me to be a good boy. (As if she needed to remind me...) Miss Kate showed up a bit later and we had a fun chat for awhile, then she said she had to go and told me to do my homework.

I was a wreck, having a hard time thinking of anything but having an orgasm. My penis has never been so hard so often in a single day as it was yesterday, and I just had to resist touching it as much as possible. I was able to get to the edge once very quickly, but I got soooo close to losing it that I had to really concentrate. I took some deep breaths and tried to get to my second edge, but every time I touched my cock, I start to buck. I had to wait a good five minutes to try again, and even then I had to use a massive amount of lube and the lightest, most torturous stroking to control myself.

I was amazed at my own penis. I have never had so much pre-come drizzle out in my life! My cock was so hard that the skin was stretched almost completely to capacity, and I could feel it. The girth of it was noticeably wider than usual, and noticeably more solid. The head was swollen and getting to be a very dark shade of red.

Finally, I got to the edge again. I stopped, took my hand away so I could calm down when I realized the edge wasn't wearing off like before. It just hung there, I couldn't move or I would have lost it. My hands were clenched in fists. I finally had the presence of mind to pull down on my balls just a little, and it finally went away.

What I learned today is that 99% of an orgasm is NOT close to 100%. It's soooo not the same thing. That last 1% is where all the release comes, where all of the tension goes away. Stopping just before I get there makes my entire body shiver and pulse. My stomach aches and my balls feel sore. My head throbs and my vision gets blurry. I don't think clearly anymore. I almost called Kate to beg her permission to cum, but I really am trying hard to please her right now.

I found a quiet room, removed all my clothing, and sat on the bed. The ice cubes and lube that she'd told me to have ready were placed on the table next to me. I put my head down on my pillow, relaxed, and took some deep breaths. My penis was soft, probably because I was so nervous. I was worried I wouldn't be able to get an erection.

Then I dialed. The operator, who herself was quite sexy, took my information. By the time she was ready to connect me to Mistress Kate, I was rock hard. Kate answered, I told her who I was, and she said she'd been thinking about our session all day! I could tell she already had plans for me!

Next, she asked me to tell here what option I chose. I gulped, then said I wanted her to control whether or not I had an orgasm. She responded very positively to this, which made me even more excited. She reminded me that after that, there would be no changing my mind. I stuck to my guns and told her that was what I wanted.

She then guided me to stroke myself, with liberal amounts of lube, in ways that I had not even thought of, bringing me to the edge time and time again. She could tell by my breathing when I was about to lose it, so she'd make me stop, take my hands away, and take some deep breaths. This happened over and over again, until I was literally quiverring. She even said she could hear my voice shaking. And every time we stopped, she'd encourage me, tell me I was doing good, tell me that she loved what she was hearing. She told me naughty, dirty things that I won't even repeat here, as they will excite me too much.

My penis was soaked in lube, throbbiing. My hips would not stop bucking, I was so close to cumming. Finally, she said it was time to find out if I was going to get an orgasm. She guided me harder than ever to the edge, kept asking me if I wanted release. This is when it actually hit me that I might not get to cum! I begged, I pleaded, I asked her to please, please, PLEASE let me cum. She asked me if I needed it, she asked me if I wanted it, she asked me if she should let me cum... I gasped yes, please, please, over and over and over, and she kept making me stroke harder, and then... she made me stop.

She told me she wasn't going to let me cum. For my own sake, to train me to become what I need to become, I needed to go without. I tried so hard to be charming, asking her if she was sure. She was firm, but kind. She told me that she knew it was hard for me, but it would help me in the long run.

Then she gave me my homework. Not only do I not get to cum, I have to edge myself twice in a row, right before bed, for the next two days. Then I may call her back with my progress. I said okay. She told me not to cum, she made me swear to her that I wouldn't. I promised, I even pinkie swore. Then we said our goodbyes and she was gone.

My legs were shaky for the rest of the night, and I woke up today with the biggest erection I have ever had in my life. It's taking all my determination to do what she's asked of me. I trust her that it will be worth it.

So, last night, after I posted my daily update, Ms. Kate IM'ed me to let me know she liked my blog. We talked a bit about our upcoming session, and then she asked me the question that had me reeling.

She told me I had to choose one of three things. My choices were:

1. I decide that I get to cum during our session.2. I decide that I don't get to cum during our session.3. I let her decide whether or not I get to cum.

I was a wreck when she said this... Then she added that she would ask me once at the beginning of the call what my choice was. After that, there would be no changing my mind. I would have to live with the decision. Wow.

She told me not to decide now, but to think about it all day and decide when I called her. As you can imagine, I didn't sleep well last night.

I'm doing my best... Once again had a difficult day trying to be a good boy. I'm happy to say I didn't orgasm today, but it was close. I am probably going to just be hard now until I am able to call Cockcontrol.com for some training. I really, really, really hope that the stars can align for me to call on Wednesday night, or, more accurately, very early Thursday morning. I'm off to bed before long, but keep your fingers crossed for me... Either way, I'll check in tomorrow.

Day 3... It's now after midnight, so I'm well into Day 4. I'm getting prepared to try to call Cock Control on Wednesday night. The combination of thinking about that and finding pics like these to fantasize about meant that once again I ended the day as a failure.

One of my fantasies is that I'm on a boat for a week with my mistress, and she's keeping me naked, hard and frustrated the entire time. Out here on the ocean, I have no choice but to allow her to train me to be the perfect little cock controlled slave. She rubs up against me, fondles me mercilessly, and teases me with hot, erotic stories the entire time.

Just in case I might try to take matters into my own hands, my arms are bound behind my back all day. And at night, I'm tied spread eagle on the deck, with nothing to do but let my engorged cock pulse in the night air. She's promised me that, if I can last the whole week without begging to cum, she'll reward me with an orgasm I'll never forget. But if I do beg before the week is through, I won't get to cum for another month.

Well, I did pretty well for most of day two, mostly because I steered clear of my computer every time I started feeling the itch. Finally, though, I logged on and found myself looking at another set of pictures that really turned me on. Once again, any time I can find a picture set with a beautiful woman that can be interpreted as a teasing and controlling situation, I'm pretty much hooked. I am a very story oriented person, so it's almost impossible for me to resist such a tempting visual treat.

I tried to start off slow to pace myself, but in less than a minute I was out of control, as usual, and within two or three minutes I was done. Damn it, I know I can do better than that! Why am I so fast? Grrr... Hopefully, I'll start improving very soon, with the help of some kind woman.

Anyway, here's a short story to show you a peek into my mindset regarding these particular photos. It's much longer than it would have been if I had written it while I stroked, but I digress. Let me know what you think, I can always use some honest feedback.

Testing the Leashby ace

It was raining again, just as it had been every night in the past week. Thanks to the traffic, I arrived for our date half an hour late. Soaking wet, I ran as fast as I could to her front door, searched a moment for the doorbell, then frantically knocked, hoping she would answer quickly.

A drenched eternity passed until the door knob finally clicked and the door opened. There she was, wearing the pink sweater I had given her as a gift, an annoyed look on her face.

"You're late. I thought you chickened out."

"I'm sorry," I stammered. "It was the rain, and the traffic, and..."

"Just come in." She took my hand and led me through the door. "I'm just glad you came. I've been looking forward to this all week."

She shot me a flirtatious smile as I stepped in out of the rain, soaking her entryway doormat. My nervousness began to fade. I tried to act composed and collected, but I was shivering from a mixture of wet and adrenaline. Thinking my feet were now dry, I began to step forward into the main room.

She put her hand on my chest, stopping me in my tracks. "Wait, you're still dripping wet, and we both know what brought you here." She took one step away from me, and glanced up and down my body. "Why don't you just take your wet clothes off right here, let me see what I'll be working with tonight."

So, this was it. I'd come too far to turn back now. Wiping a strand of wet hair from my face, I took a deep breath and lifted my shirt over my head, revealing my bare chest.

"Don't be shy. Shoes, pants, underwear... I want it all off." She stepped forward, unbuttoned my pants, then stepped back again and continued to stare. This action sent shivers down my spine, and my cock began to harden. She wasn't just looking at me, she was looking through me.

I continued by removing my shoes and socks, and then, hands shaking, I unzipped my pants and let them fall to the floor. My cock, now throbbing and solid, peeked through the slit in my boxers. She didn't say anything about this, she just continued looking me up and down, enjoying the show. I put my thumbs in the elastic of my boxers and peeled them off, leaving me totally naked and vulnerable.

Once again she approached, putting one hand on my hip. "There, now that wasn't so bad. I think you even enjoyed it." Her hand brushed my manhood briefly, making it bounce. "Now, turn around, gather all you clothes up, and hand them to me."

I did as I was told, giving her a full view of my backside. As I picked up the last sock, she spanked me lightly, and giggled. I flinched, surprised, then turned around and handed her the pile.

"Thank you. Now put your hands on your head," she cooed, as she walked over to a closet, threw the clothes inside, and pulled out a black bag. "Let's get you into something more comfortable, shall we?" She set the bag on the hallway table, a few feet away from me, and pulled out a length of chain with a small leather handle on one end.

Approaching me with the chain, she put her manicured finger under my chin, pushing my head up. "Keep your head up for a minute, let me get this fastened." I waited a moment for the leather to wrap around my neck, assuming it was a leash. I was surprised when I suddenly felt her grab my balls and pull them away from my body, wrapping a collar behind them and up over my cock. I heard a small metallic click and knew it was a pad lock. She tugged on the leash gently.

"Is that too tight?"

"N-no... It's... no." It was taking all of my strength not to look down at her handiwork. I could feel her delicate hand touching, poking, prodding around the collar, checking to see if it was on right.

"Are you sure? If it's too tight, it'll cut off the circulation and you'll be numb." She grabbed my manhood, lifted it for a moment, then released, making it bob in the air. "Could you feel that okay?"

"Y..yes. I can feel that. It's not..."

"What about on the sides?" She brushed her nails back and forth across the left side a few times, then the right. "Are you feeling sensation when I do this with my fingers?"

"...yes... unh....yes...." I groaned, trying to force myself to relax.

She gingerly brushed back and forth along the top of it now. "And how about here? Can you feel that okay?"

It was too much, I knew I would cum if she didn't stop soon. "I'm going to... I can't hold it..." I tried to focus on the ceiling above me, tried to think of something other than the woman working me into a frenzy.

Fingernails tapped along the underside of my cock, paying special attention to the head. "Good. And what about when I do this? What does it feel like I'm doing now?"

"What's the matter?" She cupped the head of my cock in her hand, pumping it very gently. "Are you having trouble feeling that? Can you tell that I'm squeezing you with my hand?" She rubbed the head with her thumb and forefinger. "Can you feel me rubbing you on your swollen, purple cock head?"

Toes curling, I put all my effort into keeping my head pointed up, my hands interlocked in my hair. I was able to manage another "...uhnhhhhnnnn...."

She wrapped her hand full around my cock, pumping it slowly with a feather light touch. "Are you sure you can't feel that? Because it looks like you're starting to leak a bit of fluid out of the tip." She kept pumping, but extended her thumb so it could touch the watery liquid. "If this is coming out of you, I bet you're feeling really tense right now, trying to hold back so you don't embarrass yourself by cumming too quickly. Am I right?"

"Uhnnnnn......"

Her stroke speed increased. "You're probably wondering if you can take it any longer, if you should just shoot your load. I bet you feel like there's a hot, boiling release inside you, just waiting for you to give in and let it out. Is that how you feel?"

"........"

"I said is that how you feel?!"

".....uhhhnnnnnnn..yessss...."

"Do you feel like you will burst at any second, like you're going to ruin this entire night because the pleasure is just too intense?!" She began pumping at a breakneck speed. "Answer me!"

"Yes!"

"Do you want to cum right now? Do you?"

"Yes! Yes!" I was gritting my teeth. I knew I was too far past the point of no return.

"Then cum!"

I grunted, my muscles spasmed, and then....

Suddenly, she tugged up forcefully on the leash, holding it up while my body shook in a near orgasmic state. She kept pulling, holding steady, until my urge subsided. Somehow, someway, she had stopped me from cumming.

In shock, I sighed out deeply, unclenching the muscles in my stomach. She tilted my head back down so that we were face to face. She smiled at me with a cheshire grin. "There, your leash is on." She walked around behind me, lowered my hands and crossed them behind my back, and I felt cold steel handcuffs click into place. She walked around in front me, leash in hand, and tugged on my very confused cock.

"Don't worry, sweetie. From now on, you won't come unless I say so. And that's a promise." She walked toward the living room, tugging me along with the leash.

I started off yesterday in my usual way, surfing for images to get hard and worked up to. As usual, my starting point was Babes@theGoose, which currently has links to these pictures of Playmate of the Year Tiffany Fallon, which have caused me to loose control more than a few times. What gets me going about them is two things... She's a gorgeous woman, I could just stop there. But what really gets me going is fantasizing that she's controlling my cock, teasing me, bending me to her whims.

So, I was trying to not lose it to these pics, trying desperately, as usual, to last longer and enjoy the sensations without going for the quick release. I'm never successful at this, as I get too worked up and impatient, and yesterday was no exception. I finished quickly, and spent the rest of the morning frustrated with myself.

Later in the afternoon, I started feeling the urge again. This time, however, I decided to surf over to a site I've been lurking around on lately, Cock Control. I was looking at the profiles, and those of Ms. Kate, Ms. Grace, and Ms. Jade stood out to me. I've been wondering for a while now if I might be served by getting some outside help to correct my habits. It happened that all three women were online right then, so I joined the chat forum and nervously started talking.

Well, all the mistresses were kind to me, and Kate and Grace even worked me into a lather with the idea of doing a two mistress call with them. They were both called away to actual paying clients, so I took the opportunity to write an email to Kate. I explained to her my weaknesses and needs, and a little about my fantasies. Later that evening, she IM'ed me and told me she could definitely help, so we chatted for a bit about that. I really appreciated the extra time she took with me, even though she wasn't getting a single dime from me at the time. Hopefully I can make that up to her with lots of calls in the future... :)

Anyway, I wasn't able to do a call last night because other people weren't going to allow me the privacy to do it right. I'm hoping to do a half hour call on Wednesday, I think I can get away then. I'm feeling nervous and excited about this prospect, and I think the best sign that this will work is that last night I made the choice not to have another orgasm, even though I was hard as steel from talking to the mistresses. Even now, I'm still worked into a lather and not sure I'm going to make it the rest of the day. I do know that I want to be good, especially in leading up to this first call.

Thanks to Kate and Grace and Ally, the head mistress, who all made me feel comfortable and welcome. If anyone has advice, comments, or links, please don't be shy. I need all the help I can get!

I've decided to start this blog to chronicle my adventures in the world of orgasm denial and control. Here you'll discover many things... I'll be logging my journey as it unfolds and the trials that ensue from my own weaknesses. I'll also be revealing the people, ideas, and stories that make me weak, cause me to lose control. Please feel free, especially if you're a mistress or in the same boat as me, to leave comments and suggestions. I hope you find this blog useful and entertaining!