14 comments:

Okay, good doctor...there are certain things one might have lived another day and not ever have any need to hear about. Not that I'll ever be wanting to try on a mink coat, but a pink fake fur would elicit the same 'ick' response.

The story of the outhouse just puts fodder to the lurking suspicion there's someone 'down there' waiting to grab my buttinsky. Thanks for the new twist on my old nightmare.

The first case reminded of an article I saw in Jay Leno's "Headlines" series, I think volume 2: obviously this one didn't make it to TV. From a paper in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, complete with spelling peculiarities: (as close as I can come from memory, the book's not here)---Shit Saves Thief

A suspected thief evaded arrest yesterday by smearing himself with his own shit, it has been learnt.

The unidentified man had stolen a trouser from a woman's line along Upanga Road, according to an eyewitness, Ndugu Denis Magubila. An enraged crowd pursued the man into a vacant lot, where they surrounded him and forced him to untire the stolen trouser, which he had already worn inside his own worn-out trouser.

"The man stayed still for some minutes, forcing himself to shit," said Ndugu Magubila. "Then he grasped the shit with both hands and smeared it across his body."

No one was able to arrest the already-smelling middle-aged thief, who escaped on foot toward the Atlantic Ocean, presumably to have a bath.----As to the second story, the New York Daily News had a picture of her, as well as the following quote:

"She had modified her underwear," Bloomington Police Commander Mark Stehlik said. "She actually cut the rear of the underwear out so that from the back it appeared she was not wearing underwear and then stuffed it down the front."

Welcome to my whining!

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