Friday, March 21, 2014

Today I paid off my student loan.It was very unceremonious, a mere transaction
between myself and a digitized operator.I entered my checking account number. She said the payment would be
processed in 3-5 business days and instructed me to press 9 to return to the
main menu.Just like that I was debt
free.No confetti, no streamers, no
marching band. I just kept getting ready to go to my grown up job.

It’d been 9 years to the day I finished my last final,
self-published my first book and walked out of the last class in which my
teacher told me she was giving me the only 4.0 she was going to give that
quarter.I should have been on cloud
nine.I should have walked away with
weight lifted and free.Instead, I
walked out of the building and what was my first instinct? Cry.I cried tears of regret and fear.I broke down and sobbed because for the first
time in my life I had no idea what I was going to do next. All I wanted to do was plow through college so
I could work. I wanted to fast track life to join the rat-race work force
because that’s what I was supposed to do.

Post-college reality punched me in the gut when I walked out
that door. I was in a relationship that was lovely but I knew wouldn’t really
last and I wanted to be in one with someone else. My hyper-scheduled, color-coded
calendar became a vast chasm of free time….but to do what?I lived in a cute little apartment but knew it wasn’t home and my roommate and I
would go separate ways. It was such an
unknown period in life that nothing I knew felt like the right place, space or
feeling.

So on that last night of college, I called my best buddy and
he met me at my spot. I sat and cried while he sympathized and assured me that all would be fine.We both knew it
would, but how, we couldn’t pin point.

The next week I researched publishing programs around the
country that set me on a life path that would take me to where I am today.

I wish I could tell the scared 22 year old me that I was
going to be just fine and to calm the freak down. I wish I could tell me that I was actually
going to be better than fine and that the best was yet to come. And that I
couldn’t even imagine how life would exceed my expectations, throw serious
curveballs, feel the highest highs and the lowest lows. I wish I could tell
myself I’d see the world and fall in love with it as much as I would fall in
love with my home town.That I’d leave
and come back stronger and braver. I wish I could tell myself that you can’t
plan life by 15 minute increments…stop being that ridiculous and be other kinds
of good ridiculous.

Now it’s time to really do other grown up things like maybe
get married, save for the future, invest, plan for retirement, have a budget,
meal plan for a week’s meals, organize the closets, meet with a financial
advisor, etc.But
before that, the blossoms are out and I’ll head to my spot...for old time’s
sake.