There is nothing more sad in life than the feeling of despair. When life has put it's ugly walls up around you and your left feeling stifled and suppressed. When your left with the depressed feeling of hopelessness. When you left questioning who you are and your purpose. When your left wondering other people's motive's and quiet possibly your own. When you've tumbled so far down that downward spiral that it's hard to find your way back up.

AAHHHH!!! Finally I'm home. I had to work tonight...which I don't normally do, but I was doing the Husband a favour...Friday nights as you know are my OFFICIAL drinking night...I mean it is an official day in this house...EVERYONE knows this!!!! But I couldn't leave Patrick to suffer without my suffering with him! So here I am on a Friday night with a back-ache, drinking my 1st of only 2 beers I will allow myself tonight...Tomorrow on the other hand will be another story.....things to do before hand....Practice Soccer with the kids....get groceries before we all starve to death...then make up for my cheated FRIDAY NIGHT!!!

Thanks to Rick for referring me to Writing.Com...it is a really cool site and one I feel I will benefit from. I need honesty..good or bad. I need tools to put to good use..by the way Rick if you are reading this can I have a link to your site again????? Please!!!! I seemed to have misplaced it and I promise I won't again...

Before I go I just want to share with you all a new hobbie I have picked up. People watching. It's easy and cost nothing to get started..There's nothing like being an observer you know...You can learn so much by just watching people. Try it...who know's..the possibilities are endless!!

Another Brain FreezeMood: spacey
I've had these thought's and ideas swimming around in my head for quite some time. Should I write a book or shouldn't I. I want to. I have a bag full of ideas. But where the hell do I even begin! I can sense the answers coming to me in my dreams, but there a little clouded. As vivid as some may be and exciting at the same time it's all a little fuzzy.

If I procrastinate for to long will these opportunities pass me by? Will I loose the desire and the knowledge? Am I just setting myself up for failure? I don't know. I don't really know were to turn, who to talk to. I need a mentor! I need a good kick in the ass!!!!

I have a lot of inspiration..a lot of determination..and a heck of a lot of time...I need to uncloud my head...I need to check out of my senses and look beyond my limitations....I need a muse and a mentor! Anyone interested? Anyone feeling me?

Mood: on fireYou are naturally born with a gift, whether it bepoetry, writing or song. You love beauty andcreativity, and usually are highly intelligent.Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yetalso bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.

Mood: a-okNow Playing: Baracuda - Heart
Gazing down the highway glassy eyed a flash has blinded her. Opening her eyes alien sounds surround her. Be comforted girl, let it go girl. Own your space, it is yours. Use it, abuse it, be amused by it. So long to old thinking, so long to old ways. Be reborn, savour your clean slate, take advantage of starting over.

Take no pity and tolerate no shame. Smile casually to passerby's who don't know any better. Be cool in being you, be cool in being different.

A flash. A bang. Back on that highway, is it called life. Where am I she ask. No more confusion. Back to a familiar plane. Gazing down that highway again it hits her all at once. She has arrived...Oh yea arrived.

Mood: lucky
Just wanted to add that another of my poems is being published!!!! Poetry.com has decided to publish "The Underground" If you want to read this click on the "my writings" link to the right!!!! I'm also a Semi-Finalist in the International Open Poetry Contest!!!! Keep your finger's crossed for me!!!

Mood: suaveNow Playing: The Cramps
Well I have finally officially upgraded!!!! Yeah!!!

Last night was fun....full of many laughs, many Amberbock's and lot's of music...Thank you Tim for the CD's and your mixes sound great by the way! DJ Timquella always making parties happen!!

Signed the kids up for soccer today!!!! They look so cute! And oh yeah baby I'm a soccer mom!! Tonight the hubby and I are going to have a few drinks and hopefully play some cards...tomorrow who know's!???!!?? If it's hot..and i'm sure it will be...maybe I will go to the beach! I could really use some sun..you can't see my Native Americaness anymore!!!

TGIF!!!
Well it's my official drinking day!! I typically only "get drunk" on Friday's b/c the week is all about being mommy but come Friday and it's all about ME!!! Tomorrow I'm going to sign the kids up for Soccer...Aaron is 4 and this will be his first anything really...how cute will he be!! What a sight...

No codeine today boy's and girl's...it will not mix well with my Rollin Rock's, although some of you may beg to differ...I must be responsible b/c the kiddies are watching!!! Besides as much as that stuff makes me all warm and fuzzy...it taste like shit!!!

My doctor prescribed me robitussin with codeine to help with my nagging cough due to broncitis {spelling} the codeine is supposed to help me sleep but no luck in that department....medicines tend to have reverse affects on me....sleeping pills never make me sleep they make me jumping...and CODEINE...hahaha...well it makes me hyper..I can take a dose and clean house like I've never cleaned before!

Unfortunatly for me I have an addictive personality and this little bottle won't last long! But I shall enjoy it to the last drop!! UUUMMMM- well at least I'm feeling a little better!!!

I awoke this morning to my baby boy {Aaron 4yrs.} complaining of a bug bite...turns out he got bit by a spider on his little leg. It is so gross. So I call his Doctor and she tells me to drop what I'm doing and bring him in right away...not something you say to a worried mother!!! So we went down to see Dr. Rojas...she told me it was infected..it has an abcess...he will be on antibiotics for 7 days. Aaron is a tough boy and is handling it well....I actually think he thinks it's cool! Typical boy!

Later on that evening.....

I'm on the computer- hear a noise in the living room...run in there....the TV is smoking and making noise!!!! I call the husband in a panic- he tells me to unplug it before it catches fire- I was to scared to touch anything but at this point I'm thinking we don't have renter's insurance and my kids are now screaming and freaking out- so in a fit of adrenaline I unplug the bloody thing!!! It helped but now we are without TV. Not cool with 2 kids! However my husband being superdad is out buying us a new TV as I type.....THANK GOD!!!!

I'm glad this day is almost over...hopefully tomorrow will be better!!

Our Trip
Well we had a great time in Orlando. We went to Universal Studios Islands of Adventures. It was sooo much fun....Can you believe they actually had a Happy Hour?!?! So needless to say we had a few which made things a little more interesting....We took lot's of pictures which you can view by clicking the "My Pictures" link in the right column. We also went to the Titanic Exhibition which had over 200 artifact's from the original ship....it was erie...Anyway it was fun today is our official 2 yr. anniversary....Happy Day Baby- I love you!!!!

I'm being Published!
Well it has finally happened!!! I have been writing since I was 13 yrs. old and finally something has become of it!!!!!

The American Poet's Society has chose one of my poems to be published in their upcoming Anthology "A celebration of poetry" If you would like to read the poem click on the my writings link on the right column or go to my website and click on Scribble.."Sins of the Father" is the one that has been picked!

I shall share a little from the letter they sent to me-

" Angel, we would love to publish your poem in our new anthology. Congratulations on impressing me and the other editors. I know your poems will enhance the book and inspire others. - Maggie Whitford. Senior Editor

" Dear Angel,

Thank you for sending us your poem, "Sin's of the Father". Our Editorial staff was impressed with your poem and has accepted it for publication in our upcoming collection of fine poetic works. Our editors are very particular about which poems are approved for publication. We wish for the Anthology to represent only the very best poetry. Being selected by our senior editor is an accomplishment that signifies you are an artist, aomeone with the ability to put their thoughts into words that eloquently describe their feelings".

It goes on to explain the process and boost my ego so to speak.....This is huge for me and I just wanted to share!!!!

I was just thinking of how old I feel even though I'm not.....remember when it was cool to be old? I remeber thinking when I was younger..."I can't wait til I grow up..I'll do whatever I want, whenever I want." Yeah...right...whatever man....it ain't happenin'

I'm just a few weeks shy of being 24...married with kids...have 2 cat's and 2 fish...living it up in South Florida...a huge change from Nashville, TN where I grew up. I live a modestly simple existance staying on the right side of the line..most of the times...I'm not a huge law breaker in comparison to a few years ago. I just can't help but think-why is this so boring sometimes?

I mean being a cool mom is cool right? Or even being a mom is cool right? Sometime's I envy my friends who don't have kids yet...but they say they envy me...I need excitement damnit!!!! I want to break all rules, defy all odds, shock those around me, be the bad girl,spit in public...I want to do what I want when I want and not suffer any consequences. Is that asking to much...

I guess it has been official for a long time...I just don't want to admit it...I have grown up....oohhh..so not cool!I still wear platforms and bellbottoms. I still show off my tattoo {on my neck} I still listen to loud angry music and not so angry music. I still say cuss words even though instead of mom correcting me it's the kids correcting me now. I still go to clubs and dance into the wee hours of the morning...I still spend to much money on beer and other smokable things. I still throw my clothes on the floor next to the hamper. I still wait until the last minute to do anything....I guess this list could go on forever because in all reality we all are kids at heart...I think you can ever really grow out of that...or can you?????

My cat looks over at me as if to say.."get over it chic" and then he proceeds to roll his eyes at me in his own Katty way!

All in all though..I do love my rotten kids...and my rotten husband. My life is not boring. I think I just assume growing up means you turn into a boring person...ME???? Neva!!!!!!!

The Morning After......
Last night was fun and eventful. I had about 6 rolling rocks....not to shabby...indulged myself with good music, food, and laugh with those dear to my heart....I felt just fine this morning except for the fact that I have lost my voice....no sore throat, no more coughing...just no voice. More annoying than anything else.

Tomorrow my husband and I head up to Orlando for some festivities...not sure yet what we will do but we are celebrating our wedding anniversary...a night away from town without the kids will be refreshing.

So anyway I shall post pictures and all when I return. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!