It is the strength and originality in a person’s nature that
defines their character, according to Google Dictionary. Character is also made
up of the mental or moral qualities that are distinctive to each of us.

I often wonder how my role as a mother contributes to the
character development of my children. Most
days I feel like I’m still trying to build my own character. There may be no
real end to such an endeavor.

To me, character building is about understanding the “why”
in every teachable moment and creating the ability to think critically about
the “why” in every situation. It’s more than the “Do as I say, not as I do” adage.

Maybe it’s about turning the “why” around and looking inward
in hopes of figuring out what type of person we all want to be; maybe it’s
leading by example. It’s most likely leading without the realization that you
are the example and your behaviors are being absorbed by others.

As parents, we get wrapped up in the everyday struggle to
meet the material demands of raising children. We worry about providing a safe
home, the latest technology or gaming system, joining sports teams, the drama
club or any other social activity.

Sometimes we get lost in the rush of it all. We should
strive to give our children as many opportunities as possible, within reason of
course. Sometimes we equate “things,” activities and the latest trends as our
way of developing character.

Maybe we expect our children to “act right” simply because
they had a stable outward foundation and have “no real problems to worry about.”
When our children fall short in
behavior, pick on another child, disrespect an adult or act entitled, we are
left wondering what went wrong. Why did my child not “know better?”

While we continue to provide on a material level, we also
need to provide on an emotional level with the same or more gusto. We need to
teach our children that all the material things we have are sort of like
“extras” and what makes the character of a person is how we treat other people,
not all the material things that we have.

We must teach a child that our outward behavior is a
representation of the type of person that we really are deep inside. Each of us
needs to decide what type of person we want to become. Character building
starts with parent/child emotional interactions and conversations from a very
young age. Perhaps we should also talk about privilege/entitlement each time we
bestow some form of material object or privilege on our children.

So, what have I learned 25 years and three children later? Often
I can see my explanations of the “why” and the character talks come to life in
my children.

Each moment of kindness, humility and respect they display
to others is a small emotional win for me. Each time another adult tells me how
thoughtful and well-mannered my children are I’m filled with pride. (I’m
usually also thinking that at least they have enough sense to act right in
public!)
So my advice to parents or others trying to build
character in a child is, “Hang in there and don’t give up!” Most importantly,
take time to focus on the “why” as much as possible, because kids are watching,
listening and absorbing.

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