Just the Tip

Nicole Johnson hopes that the conversation is just beginning.

I have deep reverence for what we are doing at The Good Men Project. The admiration I have for The Good Men Project’s Founder, Tom Matlack, and our CEO, Lisa Hickey, is limitless.

The diverse and compelling dialogue The Good Men Project has uncorked is just the tip of the iceberg. (I’m not one for idioms, but it’s true!) We are facilitating a shift with how men understand other men, as well as the manner in which men and women relate to each other. I am inspired by our writers on a daily basis. The conversations initiated by our commenters have the ability to influence social change. I am honored to be a part of this meaningful movement.

I am passionately devoted to The Good Men Project. I want the world to celebrate male goodness. I want people to know that every man is not a thief, bully, rapist, murderer, arsonist, pedophile, cheating husband, gang-banger, pick-up-artist, or dead-beat dad. I represent The Good Men Project because I believe in Tom Matlack’s founding purpose for his company. I also represent The Good Men Project because, as a Dating and Relationship Coach, I want every woman in the dating marketplace to know there is an infinitenumber of good men out there, and I want every spouse to be empathetic to her husband’s manhood.

A woman asks: Why is it that every time a woman complains about men’s misbehavior it’s turned around on her??? The cold hard truth is that men are very selfish. Men don’t want to be inconvenienced. There are a few men who are generally caring, but they are in a minority. *shrug*

A man responds:Nah, we’ve just learned to avoid women like you.

The woman responds:You mean women are who are caring, giving, and forgiving??? Did you ever think that maybe how I am is the result of being shit on??? Besides, just about every woman I know has the same problems with men, so it’s not just me.

Even though this woman’s generalizations are false, I acknowledge her opinion. I’m happy The Good Men Project gives men and women a platform to express their feelings. Purging is cathartic, but more importantly, these conversations drive additional dialogue. Expansive dialogue broadens people’s myopic perceptions. Through diverse discussions, a shift in consciousness occurs.

When I hear a woman state, “The cold hard truth is that men are very selfish. Men don’t want to be inconvenienced,”I am excited other people can comment on this statement. Present company included.

Are there men who are selfish? Absolutely! Are there men who don’t want to be an inconvenience? Definitely! Should men avoid certain women? Yes! However, in the dating marketplace, there’s an abundance of extraordinary men and women who are selfless and more than willing to give and receive love—without conditions.

Ladies, here’s a fact: there will alwaysbe men who are going to ask you if they can insert, “just the tip.” Conversely, there will alwaysbe men who pay for every restaurant check (including the tip) without having a sexual agenda. If you are looking for a long-term, committed relationship, it is your job as a discerning dater to dismiss men who are simply looking for sex. Moreover, there’s no reason to fault the men who are only interested in sex.

Scientists can’t reconfigure DNA. There are unavoidable certainties in the dating marketplace. Yes, there are men who are only interested in sex, and yes, there are women who are only interested in becoming mothers. There are men and women who are capable of fidelity, and there are men and women who are incapable of being faithful. Instead of condemning people who do not share your specific dating and relationship goals, avoid them.

Dating is a time consuming, expensive, exhausting process. Who you choose to spend your time with shapes your character. If you are becoming acerbic toward people because you’ve been mistreated, make the decisive decision to stop dating this type of person.

You can’t change people; however, you can change yourself and your approach to dating, love, sex, and relationships.

About Nicole Johnson

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Leia

5 years 5 months ago

I just read a really interesting article about RFK…in the kids’ history books he is painted as a hero, a harbinger of change….in real life, he was so much more complex…he was part of McCarthy’s group, he tapped MLK’s phones, he was known as a ruthless guy…. I hate when Jackie O and other people tried to paint that time as “Camelot”…it’s sort of whitewashing all the stuff that he and his brother really did in the face of many enemies and real danger from all sides…Reading books on that whole civil rights era about MLK, RFK, JFK and even… Read more »

“Conversely, there will always be men who pay for every restaurant check (including the tip) without having a sexual agenda.” Maybe this is slightly off topic, but I don’t think genuinely caring and doing the above go hand in hand necessarily. I feel like I’m a genuinely caring person but that doesn’t mean I’m going to actively try to give more than I get. I found this to be a strange example for what you were trying to get at. That being said, I really enjoyed the article Nicole! What’s that saying? Crazy is doing the exact same thing over… Read more »

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DD

5 years 6 months ago

This is probably the most sane and well-balanced article I’ve read on this site. For the life of me, I can’t understand how so many adult men fail to understand that the vast majority of women available in the dating market won’t be good fits for them, and that for women the same is true of the men they’ll date. That doesn’t mean that “all women are crazy” or that “all men are dogs,” it just means that people are people, and most of them just aren’t right for you.

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Copyleft

5 years 6 months ago

Oddly, the mark of a good and well-balanced article seems to be the relative lack of discussion! What more can you say than “I agree; that’s good stuff”?

@ Amber – Thank you for your comment! However, I believe you have misconstrued that sentence. The commenter Danny is correct. I’m saying there will always be men who are only interested in sex and do not have the desire for a serious, committed, long term relationship – which is perfectly fine. Additionally, I am saying there will always be women who have a strong desire to be a mother and are looking to be a part of a committed relationship – which is wonderful. Every woman does not have the visceral desire to become a mother. There are plenty… Read more »

That’s the point. She’s talking about stereotypes and how there are actaully some people who just happen to fit them. That’s not the only reason a woman can be interested in sex. But unless can be proven that NO woman has sex just for children then her observation stands.