They're decent rowers, but their best event is the bicycle built for two

In late 2003, twin Harvard rowers Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss (played by Armie Hammer in The Social Network) hired Mark Zuckerberg to create HarvardConnection, which was basically envisioned as a dating site for Harvard students. Zuckerberg did some work for them, then basically blew them off to start TheFacebook in early 2004, and the rest is history. Despite the fact that the idea of Facebook wasn’t any different than Friendster or Myspace and succeeded mainly because the design just worked better, and that Facebook was different than the Winklevoss Twins’ original idea for Harvard Connection, the Winklevoss Twins sued Zuckerberg. In 2008, they received a settlement that included $20 million in cash (hopefully in a briefcase handcuffed to someone’s wrist) and partial ownership of Facebook, now worth $140 million. Because $160 million for doing essentially nothing wasn’t enough, they appealed the settlement, claiming they’d been misled about the value of the company, and that the settlement was worth less than they had agreed to. Yesterday, a judge threw out their appeal, telling them to take their ill-begotten money and go row a boat.

The twins had alleged they were misled about Facebook’s value when they agreed to settle their lawsuit that claimed Zuckerberg stole their idea to launch Facebook.
“At some point, litigation must come to an end,” federal appeals court chief justice Alex Kozinksi wrote for the unanimous three-judge panel “That point has now been reached.”
The twins alleged they were misled into believing the company was worth $35.90 a share because of an investment by Microsoft Corp. But they argued that the company later valued the company at $8.88 for tax purposes. The twins argue they would have demanded more stock in the company based on the lower valuation.
Kozinski said the twins were “sophisticated parties” when they agreed to the settlement during a mediation meeting.
“They brought half-a-dozen lawyers to the mediation,” Kozinksi wrote.
Facebook said Monday it was pleased by the ruling. Lawyers for the Winklevoss twins said they are reviewing the decision and have not decided on their next step. The twins could ask the Supreme Court to consider the case. [Yahoo]

Shouldn’t they also have to pay back the money for wasting everyone’s time? If just having an idea without putting in the effort to actually execute it was worth money, every stoner I know would be a billionaire. I hate these guys, and it’s not just because they went to Harvard, have a false sense of entitlement, row crew, wear those ugly Oakley glasses, are named “Winklevoss”, have stupid hair and vulgar nipples, and… sorry, I’m blind with rage, I forgot where I was going with this. Is it just me, or do all crew rowers remind you of a Three Stooges bit without the sense of irony? Jesus these guys are white. If they had played “Whitey” in a blacksploitation movie people would’ve called it over the top.

Can he tell them to stop being creepy, too? Because they are seriously creepy.

04.12.11 at 11:09 am

Jessolido

Now, I don’t have a twin brother, so maybe I’m a bit out of touch, but aren’t you supposed to reach an age where you aren’t wearing matching outfits and getting the same damned haircut? Do they walk side by side down the street, taking matching steps, finishing eachothers’ sentences? These dudes give me the creep-me-outs

04.12.11 at 11:17 am

GlennBeckHasAIDS

My only question is when these two go out on double dates do they drug one of the girls first and make the other watch them take turns raping her or do they drug both at the same time so that they can compare orgasm faces?

04.12.11 at 11:18 am

Danger Guerrero

When reached for comment on the litigation, noted legal expert Danger Guerrero stated, “Ew. Twins are creepy,” then went back to pulling screencaps from 25-year-old movies.

04.12.11 at 11:18 am

GlennBeckHasAIDS

….I need a cold shower

04.12.11 at 11:19 am

Dorian Gray

There is no way these guys are real people. They are the Seltzer-Friedberg parody of twins.

04.12.11 at 11:21 am

The Hammer

I’m still trying to collect off my heterosexual friendly jerk off maneuver now called a ‘Dutch Rudder’. I had that idea back in ’82 when me and my buddy needed to JO at the same time but only had one VHS porno and didn’t want to be all gay about it. I called it ‘The Helping Hand’ back then. Haven’t seen dime one off that idea.

04.12.11 at 11:22 am

Stinky Peet

These two can get fucked, and not in the Charlie Sheen “I have too much money that I barely earned lets blow it on drugs and pussy” sense of the phrase.

04.12.11 at 11:27 am

GlennBeckHasAIDS

I’ve been known to throw “sophisticated parties” in my pants

04.12.11 at 11:41 am

The Hammer

So this is what became of Ronny and Donny Blume, they remained ass holes.

04.12.11 at 11:49 am

DeFrank

These dudes really put the “fag” in “twins”…

04.12.11 at 1:06 pm

Mr. Shhh

If you bought extremely tight rowing clothes that highlight your nipples, you would be wearing extremely tight rowing clothes that highlight your nipples. I’d really love to see the Winklevoss’s fuck the shit out of each other….. I mean get what’s coming to them. Which will hopefully be sweaty, gay twincest.

04.12.11 at 1:51 pm

anthonytx42

I saw the lead photo and all I could think was “Ace and Gary, the Ambiguously Gay Duo!”
/Nope, didn’t read the post.

04.12.11 at 2:15 pm

Dingus

USA! USA!

04.12.11 at 2:16 pm

Jack Burton

I have nothing to add to this. Brilliant rant, sir. You are a bitchy genius.

04.12.11 at 3:23 pm

Mo Charlo

When douchebags tell their brothers their douchebag plans, it is the brother’s responsibility to give said douchebag a wedgie and wet willie. When the brother is the exact same douchebag, the douchebaggery rises exponentially. Hence, everything that happened above.

04.12.11 at 5:12 pm

HipsterReplacement

D.W. Griffith would come back from the dead just to make a movie about these dudes.

04.12.11 at 8:28 pm

FSJ

Kozinski has been notably awesome for quite some time now. Exempli gratia:

In some stupid case by Mattel against the band Aqua’s record label for Aqua’s song “Barbie Girl,” he closed the opinion by saying “the parties are advised to chill.”

Also, he maintained a site with porn on it during his time as a Circuit Judge. Coolest. Jurist. Ever.