VCU Seems To Be Full Of Masturbating Exhibitionists

If you’ve been perusing around Virginia Commonwealth University, you may have come across several posters like this warning of a sexual predator on the loose, terrorizing campus.

However, this concerned flier-making vigilante is ill-informed. There’s not just ONE masturbating maniac at large. There are several.

The city of Richmond and VCU are investigating four separate incidents involving peeping toms breaking, entering, and wanking themselves off to preoccupied or sleeping coeds. They stress that the crimes of voyeuristic eroticism are not connected.

The beat-off bandits hit hard and early back in November but have since popped back up after Christmas.

Shortly before 10 p.m. on Nov. 9, officers responded to a report of a break-in in the 1300 block of Floyd Avenue. Police say the victim reported hearing a loud noise while in the shower.

They say she later noticed something that appeared to be an iPhone slipped through the shower curtain. Police described the suspect as a white man wearing all dark clothing at the time. Detectives say the suspect forced entry to the back door. Police are still investigating.

Another incident happened around 4:15 a.m. on Nov. 10 in the 1500 block of West Leigh Street. Police say the victim was walking toward someone who was in her room, shining a flashlight in her face. No one was injured in the incident, and nothing was taken from the residence, according to police.

Police say there were no signs of forced entry. Police described the suspect as a 5’8″ tall, black man with dreadlocks, wearing a red jacket and black pants. The case is still under investigation.

On Nov. 10, VCU police received a report of a peeping tom at a residence on Park Avenue. The woman reported that on the evening of Nov. 9, a male was looking through the window and left once he saw her. The suspect is described as a 6′ tall man wearing a dark colored hoodie. Police have exhausted all available leads in this case, but will continue to investigate tips.

The latest incident happened around 4:50 a.m., just two days after Christmas in the 1000 block of Park Avenue. Police say the victim saw a man outside her window exposing himself. They believe the man was wearing dark clothing but did not have his physical description. The incident is under investigation.

So is there a mythologic shapeshifting stroker changing his look for each victim, or does Richmond just have a serious paraphilia problem? Is porn banned from campus wifi? Is it strictly coincidence that these spank bank scoundrels’ transgressions were all so closely linked together or is something bigger at play here? Like are we talking about some type of exhibitionist secret society, university funded club, or criminal ring? Who the hell even wants to watch a POV video of some dude jerking it? Unfortunately, we just don’t have the answers to these vital questions.

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Dan Regester@Dan_Regester is a Senior Writer and Video Guy for Grandex Media. Delco trash. UCF alum. Famous FIJI on Wikipedia. Bit of a gambling problem. Advocate of shipping the homeless to Mars. Email tips to Dan@totalfratmove.com

Considering I go to VCU, and that I cope with insufferable boredom, I have a small bit of sympathy for this guy. He isn’t hurting anyone, just being really, really, fucking weird and creepy. It’s harmless.