Thursday, July 26, 2012

This post is a tad late, but I have to share with the world my two cents about Aesop Rock's new solo album Skelethon. This is Aesop's first solo album since 2007, and I was worried that it wouldn't live up to my grandiose expectations. Let's be honest here, the man's musical stylings are so important to me that I used them to vet prospective partners..."Ben, this is a test. If you don't like this music, we may have a problem." Three years later, Ben loves Aesop as much as I do.

Anyway, Skelethon.

Skelethon was worth the wait. Every song is a treat for my ears. I am choosing a song off of the album each day and listening to it on repeat for the entire day (that sort of thing is possible with Aesop because his songs are so nuanced that you NEVER get bored). In the past year Aesop lost a best friend and went through a divorce, so some of the songs are so raw that it brings tears to my eyes. For instance, on the track "Gopher Guts" he admits that he has been "completely unable to maintain any semblance of relationship on any level, I have been a bastard to the people who have actively attempted to deliver me from peril." Yeah, that's not what most people would expect from a hip-hop guy. On the same track you also don't expect a heavily bearded man who loves skateboarding to talk about letting go of relationships while complimenting the person with, " you will grow to be something essential and electric, you are healthy, you are special, you are present." The song literally makes me feel like things are stirring in the bottom of my rib cage. It is so beautiful that I can hardly take it.

Then there's "Grace."

"Grace" is some seriously funny shit. It's all about Aesop (Ian) as a child who hates green beans. He's stuck at the table being told to eat his vegetables while all of the neighborhood kids are out, he imagines, riding dirt bikes and skateboards. I laugh outloud every time he impersonates his father screaming, "this ends now eat the god damn beans!" My meager words can't convey just how awesome this song really is.

The entire album is brimming with tongue twisters, obscure references, obvious references, and amazing beats. It has been five years of waiting, but Aesop Rock has done it again.

Oh yeah, he also peformed these new gems in SLC on Monday night. Was I there you ask? Of course! And it was magical.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Here I am, a graduate. I'm officially a University of Utah Alumni. I worked my ass off, and I'm here. Where is "here" exactly? It's $25,000 in debt, at the same dead end job, applying for jobs within the state bureaucracy. Applying for jobs that pay thirteen dollars an hour, and get this, those jobs REQUIRE a Bachelors degree. "Here" has turned into a weird funk that I am clamoring to get out of, because I suddenly have all of this time on my hands, but all I want to do is sleep. Basically, I'm on the precipice of (or I've fallen in and I'm in denial) of depression.

"We" are supposed to go to college. We are told from a young age that we must go to college to succeed. Education drives the economy; education bulks up a resume. "They" don't tell you that the job market might be in the weeds by the time you graduate.

For the past two months I have been having an all out, full-on, fucking panic attack. What am I going to do?

The first major hurdle to clear was admission to a graduate program, and guess what? I have been accepted to the program of my choice! I have been accepted to Westminster College's Master of Arts in Community Leadership program. I start in January 2013, and will graduate in two years.

After finding out about the MACL program, things have started to look a tad different. I am still applying for jobs, but I am currently employed, and I make enough money to pay the bills (and then some). I'm an alumni, a first generation college student with two Bachelors degrees. I have loads of volunteer and professional experience. I went to college and made friends. I went to college and learned to interact with people from all walks of life. I will earn a Masters degree, which is pretty damn cool if you ask me. Most importantly: I am not stuck. I am happy, healthy, and I am loved. I am far from stuck.