I haven't been here for a long time. I have many reasons/excuses. I am here because I am in need of support. I have put my health on the back burner, and it is starting to burn up. My smoke signal came more in the version of my lower back fat bumping into my upper back fat with each step I took this a.m. Yeah, I know....ew.

I have allowed myself to wallow in self pity over two major things that have occured since May. I had an unexpected pregnancy that ended in a miscarriage. The day I found out I was pregnant was the same day I found out my Mom had leukemia. While I am still heartbroken by both of these sorrows, I must take personal responsibility for the choices I made in dealing with said issues. Yep, I surrounded myself with food. I am not proud, but I also know that I am human. I accept all of me...the good and the bad.

So, I begin again.....the story is almost always the same with we skinny *****e$ trapped in fat bodies. I WI at 235 two days ago. I begin eating clean in the a.m. Who's with me?

Hi Nicole, I am in a same situation as you are. As of tomorrow I am going on the two days TO and hoping to go from 157lbs down to 135lbs. Good luck to you and we will get there with the friend from this forum. Please, keep in touch, I need all the help that I can get. Last time when I was on this program I was going in for WI and that kept me on track. This time I am trying on my own, so will see...

Hello...Nicole! I remember you from a few years ago. I too suffered a miscarriage and gave up! My first loss was in 2010, after having 4 beautifully healthy children. I felt like my body was "bad" and I needed to punish it. So totally unhealthy. I went through a couple of phases and random rough diets and crazy exercise cycles. Until I fizzled.

Unfortunately about 3 weeks ago, I was 20 weeks pregnant with my 6th pg and found out on ultrasound that the baby had died. So two days before Christmas, I wasn't prepared to deal with that, as well as prepare my older kids that there is no baby coming in May It has been rough to say the least!

My 2012 resolution was to put myself first, finally! You know that whole, "put your own oxygen mask on yourself before you help any others"..yep that is my inspiration.

I am sad to see that you had a rough time lately, too. Miscarriage is so excruiatingly painful but the more I talk about it, the more common I realize it is to.

I lurked alot more than I posted. I hope to be able to keep a little more with the chatter.

Well I was a little disappointed that I only lost one pound on Take off day 1. But I will take it. Anxious to begin today day 2. Thinking about continuing on this type of reset until I lose about 10 -15lbs or for about 2 weeks. Can't really see the harm in it, or am I just too obsessed with the scale? I will replace the juice with the oranges so it isn't as expensive!

Yay! Oh, this is good . Hey Jillian, almost, Rux, and JM! I have not done TO or anything like that.....I did go to the grocery store and buy a lot of fresh fruits and veggies. I also bought bone in chicken breasts for soup. I know I came on here and started this mess, yet I have failed to, "start." WTF? I just had some ginger snaps and milk for breakfast. I think I better get my $hit together. Ok, next snack....a fresh fruit. Grapefruit it is.

Almost....I am very sorry to hear about your losses. I have posted this before, but I feel inclined to share this lovely quote with you now. This was actually my third miscarriage, over all of my childbearing years, and I have been blessed with 5 healthy children. The last pregnancy was not planned, but losing the baby was hearbreaking. I was 11 weeks. I cannot imagine the devestation at 20 weeks. In any case, the quote is: "An angel in the bok of life wrote down our baby's birth, and whispered as she closed the book, 'too beautiful for earth."

And TO really should be used only as a wake up call. If you don't eat enough, you will stall for sure, not to mention, set yourself up to fail.

Jillian, Jillian, Jillian......it is so comforting to know you are ALWAYS there for love and support . World's best cheerleader!!!!

JM...how has your experience been overall with the surgery? How much have you lost? I was very annoyed by the constant asking for LAWL materials too.

Rux...how are you holding up? Did you survive TO?

Aw, ****...with all this talk of TO, maybe I should give it a whirl....although I always did FF not TO. TO would surely kill me.

I have a girls retreat weekend coming up in two weeks....and I would really like my pants to fit better. This will be my first weekend away from my kids and DH EVER. Wild, huh?

Ok, must get to work here sometime today. It is really good to see some action here.....let's keep it going . Have a great day, everyone
xoxo

Happy New Year everybody!!! Ya know, when I lost weight 5 years ago I was sure I would be able to put the "lose weight this year" New Years resolution to rest for good and yet here I am! LOL I had a precious friend tell me that just because we lose weight once doesnt mean we'll never have to do it again! I bit the bullet and weighed yesterday and was actually surprised! I lost weight over the holidays, it was only a couple of pounds but I was expecting it to be up for sure!!
Nicole-I'm sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine how that feels. BUT time to take care of you, and believe me I'm preaching to myself here too!
Jillian- You look amazing, wow!
Julie Marie-Glad you're having success since your surgery!
Rux-I'm Kim, nice to "meet you."
Almsthere-I remember you, I'm sorry for your loss too.
I've been gone so long I'm sure most of you dont know, I have a beautiful little grand daughter. Her name is Kinsley and she's 18 months old and she's the love of my life! I'd sure like to be around for a long time and have the energy to keep up with her, how's that for motivation???

Wow...Kim numba 2...how lovely to see you Glad you are here. Congrats on your grandbaby. Isn't it wonderful?

Well, I did it.....I started FF today. Not sure exactly what I am going to do after that. I am not even concerned about it. I am just going to get through today. I tweeted earlier this a.m. that I am tired of this body dragging me down. I feel as though it contains who I am quite often lately. I also feel somewhat obsessed with my size. Ick. I do not like that feeling so much. It is like psychotic self centeredness (is that even a word), in a completely negative way. Guess I have to follow my own advice and change my mind so I can change my body. How quickly that fat girl can take over. Darn her.

Good morning! I feel on track food-wise--starting logging my food again. It really does make a difference-I'm not nearly as tempted by "bad" foods when head hunger hits if I know I going to have to write it down! Also-I drank way too much alcohol during the month of Dec (40th birthday festivities went on and on and on! )

So-the exercise is what's holding me back from my next stage of weight loss--I've got videos, Just Dance (want to pick up a used Zumba wii game), and am toying with the idea of joining a new local gym-but that didn't really work with my schedule in the past--so I probably won't. I hate the idea of picking Josie up from after-school care even later so that I can go to the gym. At least if I do it at home-she's with me . . . .and usually trying to show me up with jumping jacks or sit-ups.

I'm doing pretty well (132lbs total weight loss including pre-op diet) but I've started reverting back to old behaviors and am really trying to work on my "head'--otherwise, I'll end up back where I was. I've had no complications except for one horrible episode of possible reactive hypoglycemia where I thought I was dying . . . .and i'll chat with my doc about that at my 1 yr follow-up in a couple of weeks.

So-my goal is to somehow figure out how to get a workout in today. But we have dance class after work today so it will be a challenge.

I hear ya on the exercise, JM. I love it when I am working out.....it's just a matter of getting back into the habit. And Happy Belated Birthday, girl. Welcome to the 40 club. So, yeah, I am 41 now....but like it matters. Ha.