Monday, August 31, 2009

the bean will be four tomorrow. it sounds weird to say it. it wasn't that long ago that we were pacing around the house, rick watching american splendor and me trying to decide if i was indeed in labor. (ok, i knew i was but somehow was still in denial.) my little girl was so strong from the beginning that the midwife actually jumped at the screams that came out of her with her first breaths. i remember that so clearly. it can't have been four years.

when she started talking about her birthday party three months ago, yes three, she was going to have a princess party. ok, i thought, easy enough. as the big day got closer and closer, the requests got more specific, until eventually they cake had to be a princessrainbow castle cake. now, being the avid color lover that i am, the rainbow part sounded great, and i was lucky enough to find this great tutorial on cake rainbow-ing. i never thought it would work, but it did. and thanks to her gigi, the outside fulfilled the castle and princess requirements.

we planned a simple but fun party... and of course, since i am both an overachiever and one crafty mommy, we had a wand-making session for the party princesses. as i watched the bean skillfully and stubbornly attach 50 some jewels to hers, i marveled at her little hands. hands that didn't need my help. i remember so clearly when those could barely wrap around my finger, and yet here they are. almost-four hands.

i don't know what this year will bring. and while i could probably squint hard and imagine that this bigger and brighter girl is my baby, i know she's ready to do bigger and brighter things. those strong, stubborn little hands have so much potential. so with luck, and some rainbow cake, we start year four.

Sunday, August 9, 2009

this is the question most new moms are familiar with. usually we'll nod, eyes half-closed and respond with something like, "oh, sure, like 2 or 3 hours at a time." this seems reasonable to us in our sleep-deprived state. the answer is met with a knowing smile, and that's it. conversation over.

i know i got the question a lot when the bean was new, and yes, i'm still getting it now. but this time, i find the one i get more often is, "how is it with two?" i'm not sure what people want to hear, but i always tell the truth. depending on the day, i may say it's a thousand times harder than i ever imagined, or i may tell them that we're getting by.

maybe it's because i'm a sahm this time around, or a wahm i guess, but the only thing i can relate my days to is this. you will understand if you've ever worked retail during the holidays - that feeling of looking up from your work and seeing no end in sight. there's not a minute where at least one doesn't need me, and more often both need me at once. i often feel that in some way i'm neglecting one or the other, and that is a pain i can't quite describe. i know, i know, i'm a total wuss. i don't know how people do this.

as stressful as my days are, sometimes, though, having a second baby has opened my eyes to things i couldn't see with my first. the first time i looked at this little guy next to his big sister, i broke down and cried. it seemed like just yesterday the bean was a tiny screaming little red thing, all colic-y and determined - i knew from the second she let out that primal first scream that she was going to be a force to be reckoned with. at almost 4, she still is more of a force than ever, and the little guy, well, all he wants to do is cuddle.

having a second makes me appreciate every moment more, because i realize how quickly they go by. it's made me re-think many decisions i thought i had made. you might have noticed, my blog and my shop have been a little quieter than usual. i'm slowing down, intentionally, but i'll be back. i've got lots of new work coming bit by bit, and i'm getting ready to kick off the show season at crafty bastards on october 3rd. you can catch my crafty blogs over at BEST, and i'll be here occasionally posting new work and updates from the bean residence.

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