Proctologist finds Narnia

Dr. Richard Ahuja has stunned medical circles by discovering a fantasy land, even more implausible than an amicable Brexit. Using a portal situated in an elderly patient’s rectum, Dr. Ahuja claims to have unearthed a land trapped in 100 years of deep winter – or Brexit negotiations as they call it.

Initially the patient had complained of constipation, only for Dr. Ahuja to find that the blockage was one bedraggled-looking lion and four Pevensie children, previously mistaken for a haemorrhoid cluster.

Under the strong and stable leadership of the White-Witch, Narnia is an allegory for land in need of redemption and where man-goat, Michael Fallon, harasses impressionable young women. The anal fissure provides easy access to a land of talking animals, but no amount of ‘talking beavers’ will encourage Michael Gove to vote for animal sentience.

Publishing in the Lancet, Dr. Ahuja admitted his surprise during a routine prostate examination: ‘I never expected to find a fairy kingdom in a colon. But who knew that Philip Hammond could manage to pull 300,000 affordable houses out of his arse?’

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