New in Theaters – 1/25/13

24Jan

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

After getting a taste for blood as children, Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) have become the ultimate vigilantes, hell bent on retribution. Now, unbeknownst to them, Hansel and Gretel have become the hunted, and must face an evil far greater than witches…their past. — (C) ParamountSteve’s Take

I have absolutely no desire to see this movie. Hansel and Gretel…lol. Come on man.

Movie 43

From the twisted minds of producers Peter Farrelly (Hall Pass, Shallow Hal) and Charles Wessler (There’s Something About Mary, Dumb & Dumber), comes Movie 43– the outrageous new ensemble comedy starring some of the biggest names in Hollywood. Movie 43 is not for the easily-offended and contains jaw-dropping, sometimes shockingly disturbing, but always entertaining intertwined storylines you’ll have to see to believe. (c) Official Site

Steve’s Take

If you like a twisted and crazy comedy, then this is your movie for this week. It looks hilarious! I will be heading to the theater to check this one out over the weekend for sure!

Parker

Set amidst the unparalleled wealth and glamor of Palm Beach, Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez team up to get their cut in the crime thriller PARKER based on the series of bestselling novels by Donald E. Westlake. The film is directed by Academy Award (R) nominee Taylor Hackford (Ray) and also stars Michael Chiklis, Wendell Pierce (HBO’s The Wire) and Academy Award nominee Nick Nolte. (c) Film District

Steve’s Take

My partner in crime Scotty is on vacation in Vegas, but if he was here he would tell you that if you’ve seen one Jason Statham movie, you’ve seen them all. Add J-Lo to the mix and this is a no-go for sure. Save your money.

John Dies at the End

It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. On the street they call it Soy Sauce, and users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs a hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs. Can these two stop the oncoming horror in time to save humanity? No. No, they can’t. — (C) Official Site

Steve’s Take

This one looks like Limitless on ACID! It’s way too weird for my liking. Pass.

Next Week

That’s all we have for this week. I will definitely be heading out to see Movie 43 this weekend and saving my hard-earned money on everything else. Next week we have Warm Bodies, Bullet to the Head and Stand Up Guys. Have a great weekend!