By faking psychological trauma and declining school achievement, savvy teenagers across the land are hoping to ‘guilt’ their newly separated parents into providing a seasonal supply of Plasma TV’s, Playstations and renditions of ‘I love you the most, you know’.

Fifteen year old Jodie Ackleton expressed her relief: ‘They’ve been at each others throats for months now and quite frankly I’m looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet around here. And there’s no way I’m turning down double pocket money’. Mum (Donna, 42) was also putting a brave face on the situation: ‘It’s going to be tough but with the child benefit, working tax credits, child tax credits, income from my 16 hours a week job, earnings from my sideline eBay business, plus the child maintenance from Jimmy, we should be able to keep the 4 bed detached Victorian family home, run the Audi A5 and still enjoy an exotic holiday or two every year’.

Yet despite his child’s unexpectedly candid reaction to the split, Jimmy (44) was a little more reticent about the estrangement. ‘Not seeing the Jodie everyday will be heart-wrenching,’ he said. ‘I’m just not sure that my teenage daughter is going to be desperately impressed with trips to the park, a weekend of beans on toast and that I’m internet dating her classmate’.