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Fans of masterful turns of phrases and high-minded reparte were ecstatic to hear Tuesday that President Donald Trump will challenge his Press Secretary Sean Spicer to the Debate of the Century.

The verbal gymnastics and knowing banter of two of the most famous men of our time will no doubt delight and edify the people of the United States as the debaters match wits, grappling with the thorniest issues of the day.

“I miss the challenges of rigorous debate from the campaign trail,” said Mr. Trump. “It sharpens the mind, and exhilarates the senses.”

The debate will commence at noon in a town hall forum on this coming Tuesday.

Debate Topics:

Who Was Boris Yeltsin?

Can Farts Be Harvested And Turned Into Coal?

Staples, Your Fastening Friend

Why Does My Finger Itch?

Cats And Their Kings

Blue Cheese Dressing Vs. Ranch

What Is My Favorite Planet?

How To Make A Basketball

Is There A Tiny Person Inside My Phone?

Gulf States Vs. Golf States

Was The Monkey In Indiana Jones Born Evil, Or Was It Trained To Be Evil?