OLD CHICKS KISSING TO STAY EMPLOYED

“Desperate Housewives” is the latest show to jump up and down and wave its arms to get your attention, as it has employed the classic last gasp to avoid cancellation: the lesbian kiss. The once-hot Teri Hatcher and the always annoying Eva Longoria will share an unsexy kiss in an upcoming episode. Because what suburban neighborhood doesn’t have moms kissing each other?

“I did not kiss her. She kissed me,” Hatcher told Us. “We had fun.”

(Parker previously told Us, “Well, I’m a great kisser. She was not supposed to kiss back, so she was kind of just there, and I had to do all the work.)

I despise the term jump the shark, so I think it’s time that we supplanted it with lesbian kiss. Like, “Man, ‘Lost’ really lesbian kissed with the time travel stuff.” Or, “I enjoyed ‘The O.C.’ until it lesbian kissed.” Not that lesbian kissing is a bad thing. I just prefer to watch it on the Internet. In my room. By myself.