perpetuating the problem

I was on Facebook the other day (by which I mean I was on Facebook the other day with a purpose, because let’s face it, I aimlessly meander around Facebook most days) and I was looking through a friend’s posts to see if I could track down her boyfriend, because he’s a comedian and I was thinking about seeing if he’d be interested in performing at an event I’m putting together.

The specifics of that weren’t really relevant. I apologize for the 3.7 seconds you just wasted.

Anyway, I scrolled all the way back through her existing posts trying to figure out how to spell her boyfriend’s last name, and realized that in the last four months she hadn’t posted about him at all.

…Did they break up?

I realize that it’s this mentality that drives millennials to post about their significant others an average of 23 times a week. If Facebook and Instagram aren’t full of pictures of us adventuring in some forest and eating Lebanese food and staring lovingly into each others’ eyes, his stalker might think he’s single and then she might reach out to him and then my life might spiral out of control. It’s just… Who’s got time for that much posting?

And, really, who’s got the stomach for that much Lebanese food?

Luckily, I’m pretty sure that as long as I keep baking these berry crumble bars, he’ll stick around.