Bob Papa is America’s True Olympic Hero!

Frances Martel

It’s that time of the leap year: time for rogue international superpowers to use an ancient Greek tradition to cover up their mischief abroad. And with the Olympics (and the siege of the Republic of Georgia) well underway, our beloved prizefighting is on hiatus. NBC will try to console us with media over-saturation of Michael Phelps and hope that enough solace, and not the actual result of nuisance, will abound from his victories and the requisite indignation against the International Olympic Committee’s boxing judges. While they are incorrect, there is light at the end of the Olympic tunnel for our sport, and it isn’t the burning ruins of South Ossetia. Mild-mannered correspondent Bob Papa has stolen the show right from under chief NBC talking head Bob Costas.

MYSTERIOUS ERRORS PLAGUE OLYMPIC FIGHTS

Watching Olympic boxing is a cathartic exercise in nationalistic outrage. Rather than allowing judges to score rounds overall in what would be the most rational and accepted approach to the sport, they are left to reward their individual interpretations of a clean blow with a point. The boxer with the most “points” and the end of the fight wins. Their gloves are decorated with obnoxious white circles to further complete the façade of fairness. The scores are supposed to be open, but to many American boxers, most notably flyweight contender Rau’Shee Warren (38-9, 0 KOs) a few days ago, the score is mysteriously lost in the noise of the crowd while opponents cash in on the judges’ anti-Americanism. At one point in the match it appeared that Oksung Lee of South Korea received a point after falling over (it was a slip, not a knockdown). Had the fight been a professional one, American fans would have undoubtedly littered the ring with the remains of their entertainment snacks a la Ricardo Torres-Kendall Holt I.