The comebackee's first public success must have been pretty major - the music must have ingrained itself into the some kind of national or international consciousness for a fair period. Not merely have been a one hit wonder, they should have a body of work or range of songs that are still popular on the radio or being raided from some mum's old record collection..

Then they must have goneaway and been forgotten by way of not being able to write a d side, releasing shite music or gone on a drugs binge that would have made a line of coke blush.

The comeback - the success must have been the same all over again or bigger. The public (and probably a new generation of young fans) takes note of the new music with a fervour. Charts are topped and grammies won. It can not be a happy reunion tour like Kiss or Led Zeppelin.

Thus having written this criteria according to my pre determined choices ;) here are my three best rock comebacks ever.

Meat Loaf - Marvin Lee Aday

At the time of Bat out of Hell's onslaught it was the biggest debut of all time. Meatloaf's album was an instant rock classic. It had the hard rock of its time in the title track, it had sex mixed it into songs about baseball. It had the ballads. It brought the balls to rock.

And then he stopped being friends with Jim Steinman, hung out with Cher and made dire films like Roadie. He may have had some trouble with alcohol..

20 years pass with a couple of minor hits and a bankruptcy but the Meat had eaten his cake and couldn't have it twice...

...Until he became friends with Jim Steinman again and they re wrote the first album and Meatloaf stormed the charts to number one in twenty odd countries with the biggest hit of his career, I'd Do Anything for Love (BIWDT) from Bat out of Hell II, hell he even got a pre world famous everywhere Angelina Jolie to appear in the video for Rock and Roll Dreams. People that kant listen good listened to the song and asked what he would not do (screw around !). Probably had the best coda to a song ever. This sucess also means that Jim Steinman qualifies for one of the greatest comebacks ever too.

Joined the RHCPwhen they were well into their career and made Mother's Milk with them. Soul to Squeeze showed he had the deft tones. Then he pulled out Under the Bridge and his place in rock history was assured.

And then he discovered herion, was booted from the band, lost his teeth and infamously gave a royalty cheque to a cabbie.

And then Kiedis and co realised Dave Navaro was acutally a fucking pussy and asked Flea asked a newly sober JF back to the band. Fruciante gave them the licks from Scar Tissue and the album, Californication went on to be the Red Hot Chili Peppers' biggest album and the comeback was complete.

Johnny Cash

Bono thinks that Elvis would have been as sissy without Johnny Cash. If you believe the stories about the drugs and the purdy ladies then it was ok for The King to hook up with a 14 year old (hey, if there's grass on the wicket).

Mr Cash was huge in the late 50s and 60s with his boy called Sue, songs about flags and guns, discussions about how high the water was and how his ring burnt somewhat.

And then he didn't sell so much, appeared to find Jesus, write the odd biography, and had a TV show.

Had a minor comeback in the 80s with the Highway Men... but then he met Rick Rubin in the mid 90s and his career went interstellar. His serious of American Recordings took songs of others and gave them a new heart and soul. When he sang Tom Petty's Wont Back down you believed it. When he said he was Hurt, you wanted to take him to the doctor. He became the Man in Black.

There you have it, three great come backs of rock. Four if you count Jim Steinman but he does get points off for that Air Supply song.

So the Flight of the Conchords have a lot to answer for. Their song 'Business Time' has like a drunken Jimmy Jangles, snuck up on you and poured your Bombay Sapphire gin down your shirt and declared "he's tired, he is going to bed because he has work in the morning".

So now when two tuatara's have some fast times in Taihoe doing the Tango Horizontally there's national cause to celebrate the event. Especially when the lead protagonist is 111 years old and didn't need Viagra. Bless him, that made Hugh Hefner proud.

What the hell am I blathering on about? The Caption on the Stiff website which has the the foto of two leaping lizards has the caption

"BUSINESS TIME: Invercargill's tuataras Henry and Mildred have gone public with their reptilian passion. It is the first time Henry has mated since 1972, and possibly the first time in his 111 years."

Henry was additionally quoted as saying he was glad he did not have to wear the Ejaculation Helmet.

Clearly 'business time' is now the official NZ word for having a fuck. Thanks Germaine and Brett. Murray?

Present.

This twilight zonish word change leads to a very serious question however - what do the unemployed now call fucking? They don't what time it is, let alone how to engage in business!

And remember kids, if masturbation's lost its fun, your business time is lazy.

Word on the street is that for the Smashing Pumpkins' concert at Queens Wharf (Wellington) tonight the security guards are under strict instructions not to make eye contact with anyone in the band. They are not even supposed to look at them if possible.

I'm sure the guards will have difficulty folllowing their orders because Billy Corgan's massive bald head is sure to knock them over as he passes by.

Billy my boy, we all float down here but can you fake it, for just one more show?

Which reminds me to paraphrase a drummer joke. What did Billy Corgan get on his IQ test?

We've all know that batting at number 8 Lil Lucas Vettorri has been pretty decent with the bat lately... is it some thing to be pleased about or sadened? Probably the later given today's test loss... Cricinfo lays it out for us.

As we know, crap bucket was cut from Optimus Primes' recent documentary. You know, it was bigger than March of the Penguins, the one when his good friend Jazz was murdered on the mean streets of Generic American City.

It must be time for some stereotype bashing. I haven't done it in awhile so its only fair I belittle semi imaginary people who can be found on the streets of Wellington. Except for the emo kids who must be real because razor blade sales are at an all time high at the 24 hour Star Mart*.

The Wellington Wanker

A recent migrant to the city. Typically are a Knights fan from Auckland who recently moved here to support the Wellington Phoenix. Noticeable for having yellow fever. If they don't have the fever, the Wellington Wanker can be found at any poncey office, practicing law.

The Men In Black

Now that the man in black Johnny Cash is dead, the man in black title officially belongs the 30 something white gentlemen who wear tasteful yet soulless black suit as they work in some tall building somewhere drinking lattes and spending too much time on Facebook. This would be me but I can't stand coffee.

I call them emo because they were eyeliner, dye their hair green and listen to the Clash. Or rather they would listen to the Clash if they had got an education instead of having babies and feeding them chips from KFC. After selling their Ritalin to grandma the kiddies finish watching Oprah and get on down to the Mall where they all hangout out, each noting how depressed the other is and seeking to out do them.

The Glassons Clone

Cloning is alive and well in Wellington. Glassons is churning them out blone by brunette. Easily identied as they all where the same thing. Dresses with the cut just below the breast in fashion? Cloned. Skirts rounded at the bottom so they look like they are wearing a wind socket? Cloned. T Shirts supporting the latest cause du jour? Cloned. At this time I should point out there is nothing wrong with buying T Shirts with Optimus Prime on them from Jay Jays. Any more than 6 is a lil odd, but still acceptable.

I'll have a trim fat soy latte with no marshmellows and some of your best corporate spit thanks. These pretenders of coffee refinery have no soul. As much as I support multinationals, globalisation, SUV production, Big Macs and free trade, corporate coffee grinds my gears..

The Hurricane

Big, black and could knock the shit out of you if he knew you silently were mocking him for wearing eyeliner. Dreams he could swap shades with the Emo kids at the mall but the coach banned him from hanging outside round Courtney Place as he got into too many fights.

The dicks that ride bikes and turn right into Victoria Street from Dixon Street

These inbred jeds are the worst. Still high from their morning ciggie, these hippies ride their bikes to work try and make the above turn ... into a bus only lane and do not understand when they are nearly KOed by the bus turning rightfully into the lane. Once an agrrieved rider caught up to a bus and started smashing on the driver side line in an attack more pyscho than Jason Bate's mum to which the driver told him to fuck off back to the bike shed and read the rode code. Bless.

Nothing to do, then, but hit the gas and hope for the best, a method Accelerate -- R.E.M.'s 14th studio album -- establishes right there in the title. Whether inspired by their own stagnation, market forces, or producer Jacknife Lee, the decision to lift the rock restraining order worked wonders: Accelerate corrals 35 minutes of the fastest songs Stipe and Co. have written in decades, all performed with a sense of joyous purpose that clearly comes from a "Fuck it, let's just do this" attitude. They haven't sounded this surprised with themselves since 1998's Up, haven't made an album this consistent since 1992's Automatic for the People, and haven't redlined so engagingly since 1986's Lifes Rich Pageant, whose terrific "These Days" lives on in spirit here.

D A Em A D A
Everybody here ... comes from somewhere
Em G D A Em A D A Em G
... That they would just as soon forget and disguise

D A Em A
At the summer camp where you volunteer
D A Em G
No one saw your face, no one saw your fear
D A Em A
If that apparition, it just appeared
D A Em G
Took you up and away from this space
D A Em A D A Em G
In sheer humiliation, of your teenage station

D A Em A
Nobody cares, no one remembers
D A Em G
And nobody cares

Em G D A
And you cried and you cried
Em G D A
He's alive, he's alive
Em G D A
And you cried and you cried and you cried and you cried

D A Em A
D A Em G

D A Em A
If you call out safe, then I'll stop right away
D A Em G
If the premise buckles, and the rope starts to shake
D A Em A
For the detail's marked, but the story's the same
D A Em G
You don't have to explain, you don't have to explain
D A Em A D A Em G
Humiliation ... of your teenage station

Em G D A
Yeah you cried and you cried
Em G D A
He's alive, he's alive
Em G D A
Ah you cried and you cried and you cried

D A Em A D A
Everybody here ... comes from somewhere
Em G D A Em A D A Em G
... That they would just as soon forget ... a disguise

Em G D A
And you cried and you cried
Em G D A
He's alive, he's alive
Em G D A
Yeah you cried and you cried and you cried and you cried

D A Em A
Ah, you cried and you cried
D A Em G
Ah, you cried and you cried

D A Em A
Now, there's nothing dark and there's nothing weird
D A Em G
Don't be afraid, I will hold you near
D A Em A
From the seance where you first betrayed
D A Em G
An open heart on a darkened stage:
D A Em A D A Em G
A celebration of your teenage station