I don’t know why I have this ‘thing’ for Pluto, not the Disney character, but the planet.

If I could afford to visit a shrink about my Pluto problem I imagine he/she would find a size problem. I’m hoping it hasn’t been a life-long sexual thing. No wondering what one might find with hours of that type of studying.

I do know I’m on the side of the angry “NASA New Horizons Mission to Pluto” dude. I’m guessing they are all guys. I can’t imagine women getting themselves all worked up about their size.

I haven’t seen the picture of Alan Stern, the principal investigator of the NASA group. I bet he’s short. He even talks like a short guy. His comment this week about “Pluto” spoke in the right anger. To quote Mr. Stern about keeping Pluto demoted from our other planets he said, “That demotion is quite simply Bullshit.” Now that’s a short guy on my team.

Now after two years of non-stop pressuring NASA big-wigs to re-classify Pluto, we may find the answer in the next week or so. Stay tuned.

I know exactly when my Pluto Puncture sunk me headfirst. It was my high school football coach. Forty jock-strapped high school guys were walking from room to room getting outfitted for the season. My live-in-home did not have a “stadiometer.” None of us did. The only height measurement available was in the high school gym. The football and especially basketball coaches liked the psychological power of controlling the team measurements. Didn’t know that.

When it was my turn going through the measurement line, the assistant coach yelled out the height/weight amount and that was it. I had no way at home to check it nor did I want to. Five Feet Eight Inches Tall, One Hundred Sixty Pounds sounded like the perfect size to become a kick-ass guard (in both sports of Football and Basketball)

And that’s what I was for many years, even CYO basketball league through my twenties. And honestly I believed that was accurate.

My Pluto Depression happened sometime when I was in my late ‘20s. A busted ankle led me to the emergency room where the doctor asked for my vitals. When I spurted out the Five Foot Eight number he laughed. “Seriously,” he said. I said, “Seriously!” He laughed again and asked the nurse to give him a measure and that’s when it happened. I lost TWO PLUTO INCHES immediately. I was actually Five Foot Six. Talk about a beat-down!

Suddenly I became one inch under that the average height for men in the 1960s. Today it is four inches shorter than the USA average male height of 5ft 9 1/2inches tall.

I’m not sure what that means to my psyche, but I have found a love for Pluto.

And I’ve sent a bid on a new vacation rental property a few thousand miles from here.

3 Responses to Persecuted Pluto

I was also frustrated when Pluto was ‘demoted.’ It didn’t seem fair, once a planet always a planet in my book. After all we spent countless hours memorizing all the planets, how could we just leave Pluto out? I still believe we have nine planets, whether NASA admits it or not.

Dan,
You are a giant among men & I have always looked up to you. That is probably because you are nearly 2 inches taller than me. I topped out at 5ft. 4.5in. I learned early, that if teased my hair, I gain another inch and a half…And my hair is still angry at being teased so much.
If size doesn’t matter, why is there a very common saying that “size doesn’t matter”? Of course size matters to someone. Whether you are a planet, a horse an elephant or a human, there is in fact, someone that thinks you are not big enough, when you haven’t met the standard of the average range of size that define small, short or tiny. When my height gets mentioned, (after 57 years it still gets mentioned) I laugh it off. I used to tell people that I was a really tall midget. That got some strange responses.
I think someone got it wrong by degrading poor Pluto. I have seen Pluto through a telescope. It exists right where it is supposed to. It does it’s job without requiring anything from us. It doesn’t complain. It causes no harm and has been doing it’s thing regardless of what our earthly opinion is. I doubt that other planets refuse to go out with Pluto because he is too small. I mean, Venus is a babe with no arms. I bet no one is going to make snide remarks about her. But poor ol’ Pluto gets a bad rap. I think it is about time that someone takes a stand in favor of restoring his proper designation.
I may have little hands and little feet and drive a car that goes beep beep beep, but I got somebody to love. I love Pluto.

Fantastic to hear from you, Dave. Miss you. Thanks for writing and reading. I do know a secret passion of yours where your height and size were made for perfection. You would already be retired and doing the “color” job alongside Darrell, after a great winning NASCAR career. Just a little turn here or there in our lives and different results. Actually your family are happier that all your limbs are intact and you’re not living down south. Keep rooting for Pluto.