Babicide

Dante’s Inferno apparently sports an achievement called “Bad Nanny,” so called because in order to secure this achievement one must murder ten million babies. Or some other number of babies. Honestly, I don’t know how many babies you have to murder in order to get those points, but it seems to me that the number is not the focus here so much as the babies themselves. And the killing.

I’ve read so many posts of such a batshit, bugfuck nature about this Modern Warfare Server Thing that it’s hard to know where to begin. If you are angry at this break from tradition, and if you feel betrayed by these eleventh hour revelations, these are both situated well within the reasonable and comport (by and large) to the known. Do not buy it. Your platform of choice is the most open, universal digital venue on the planet. A suitor will be along presently.

It’s not cherry-picking to say that the notion of Microsoft somehow being involved runs deep. You could be charitable and say they mean Infinity Ward was infected somehow by Microsoft’s peer to peer vision, but that’s not what they’re saying. They’re talking about literal collusion to bring about the downfall of the PC. Even though Modern Warfare 2 is launching on Steam, leverages Steamworks, and grants Steam Achievements.

Some of the rage is channeled semi-constructively into (not a boycott, per se, but) a redirection of funds from Modern Warfare 2 over to Battlefield: Bad Company 2 - a notion that has been cannily seized by the would-be recipient. Bad Company 2 is going to be pretty good, so why not buy it - but let’s pause for a moment and really absorb the idea that PC gamers are rallying around a DICE console port in their zeal. Nevermind the fact that you can’t host your own Bad Company servers, and that having a dedicated server for the game involves renting it from one of their partners. Maybe they didn’t read the FAQ?

As to why they want to create their own matchmaking network in the first place, the ability to make money selling maps is floated as a reason, and it makes a lot of sense - presumably they would rather make a million dollars than zero. A centralized defense against piracy is also suggested, and things tend to go downhill quick after this. It is not a mischaracterization to say that conversations with the hardcore PC community about software theft follow these tenets:

- There is no piracy. - To the extent that piracy exists, which it doesn’t, it’s your fault. - If you try to protect your game, we’ll steal it as a matter of principle.

It’s like, who wouldn’t want to bend over backward in their service? You need to know it, because nobody else is going to tell you: you guys sound like Goddamned subway vagrants. Of course when you speak exclusively to each other, it all sounds so reasonable. It’ll be reasonable when you all board the bus, and the songs you sing en route to excoriate your enemies will be forceful, but within reason; and when you douse yourself with gasoline and immolate yourself in front of the offices of Infinity Ward, one assumes this will be reasonable also.