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Personal issues -internal problems and behaviors that cause you problems in relationships

My mother and father were divorced when I was three. I was a lovechild (conceived out of wedlock) and my father had three children with an ex-wife (F15, M17 and M19). I lived with mom until I was 8, and moved in with dad (for no particular reason, although he was better off than she. She lived (and lives) in an apartment complex, basically a nice "projects." He owns a house in a wealthy-ish neighborhood in the same town and can better financially support me). He was an awesome dad to me and we were very happy.

Although, if I got him really mad, he would slap me in my fact or hit me in the head. He was always very lacking in compassion; he NEVER says he's sorry for anything he does, and he always blames me for causing him to do that. He basically tells me that he has no control, refuses to hold himself back, and if you set him off he WILL break you or even kill you. He has threatened to "hurt or kill" me before. Like I was some punk on a street.

He let me know from a very young age (~9) that if I were gay, pregnant as a teenager, or did anything non-approved by him, he would kick me out. He made sure I knew I didn't have his support or unconditional love.

He still does this now, although now it's gotten worse. He is set off more often and does more things to me, like pushing me, kicking me, and ripping my clothing.

Don't get me wrong; he is usually a pleasant person! Especially around other people. He would never show his hostility to anyone but me. (I should mention its just me and him and two fur babies (dog and puppy).)
I would describe him as a teddy bear during his nice times.

The past few months, however, have been the worst of my life. I find myself venting to my boyfriend [M16] of 1y7mo very often. (We are in similar situations.) He disregards anything I say, makes me feel worthless. If you're talking to him and he wants to go outside, for example, he will just leave mid-sentence. Or if he doesn't want to talk about something, or is mad at you, he will just clam up and refuse to talk. I get him not wanting to feel like he's being controlled by anyone by himself (he is a MAJOR control freak), but he makes me feel like he couldn't care less about me.

Communicating with him is IMPOSSIBLE. He's a child. He literally acts like an impatient child. My 8-year-old nephew has more respect.

If he is watching a movie or using Facebook, and you try to talk to him briefly, he ignores you. Even if the movie is one he's seen multiple times, or he's just waiting for new stories to pop up on his news feed.

He refuses to tell me that he loves me. If I tell him I love him, IF he even acknowledges that I said something, it'll be an "uh-huh" or a "yeah, I know". I'll ask if he loves me too and he rarely says he does, and if he does, it's intentionally insincere.

He's been very cold and distant lately as well. He ignores me when I talk to him and just keeps walking. He literally couldn't respect me as a person less than he does. And he knows it bothers me, although I never say anything.

Don't get me wrong; sometimes I do stand up for myself and try to confront the issue. But you know where that gets me? Shoved into the wall, slapped several times, kicked around if I fall down. He busted my door once when I locked it to escape him in one of his violent rages (although it was fixed in two days; you can't tell anything ever happened. Can't let the family see that!)

He has called me a bitch on a few occasions. If he's angry enough and has any alcohol in him, he would kick our dog, and he frequently is very rough with my puppy.

I haven't had a real Christmas since I was very little and living with my mom. He says he doesn't believe in commercializing Christmas, but I just wish we could spend time together or something. (This particular Christmas, I'm typing a poorly-written post desperately seeking asvice.)
My birthday is never celebrated, in any shape or form. If he's in a good mood, he'll ask if it feels any different to be older.
We never spend time together. He avoids and talks his way out of spending time with me every time I try, and he never tries to spend time with me.

He wants to go on a long-distance trip to Florida to see my grandpa tomorrow, so he isn't letting me see my mother. He told me if I tried to see her, that I could "just stay there the rest of the break, and then some."
I clarified and, yes, he will kick me out of the house if I try to see mom for Christmas.

I don't have any jeans or pants that fit me because the ones from when I was 13 and 14 don't fit, and he says I need to lose weight instead of getting new ones. He constantly belittles me for being fat. (I'm a size 9 in pants.)

He constantly compares me to my mother in negative ways, like the way I talk or how I'm apparently suffering from a "minor obesity". (I'm 5'3" and 130 lbs.)

I just feel unsafe and uncared for and overall shitty. Right after incidents, I feel like this is all worthless.. I want to die. (I don't think I could kill myself.) I don't have a job or a license (he refuses to take me to get it), and my mother lives in a less-than-desirable place. She dropped out of college and has limited job opportunities. She can't support me without suing dad for support, and I don't want to completely alienate him.

I think my best option maybe be to either stick it out to college, which he will help me with financially, or get a license and a job and save money to live with mom.

I am 16 and am in my junior year of high school. I live in the US in Alabama, so the age of majority is 19. I cannot be legally emancipated until I am 18.

I just need advice... has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any advice for me? What kind of options do I have, and who can I talk to?

(I would love to talk to a therapist, but I couldn't pay for that myself and dad would likely not agree... and I don't know anything about that either.)

I'm so sorry for the scrambled nature and length of this post. I'm not very clear-headed at the moment, and I only have access to a phone to type this. (Thank you so much for taking time to read this.)

EDIT: I should mention that, as with my mother's financial situation being so bad, my father is my only way to go to college without incurring a ton of debt (unless scholarships), and he also offers to buy a condo for me (and later, his grandkids) to live in. So, I debate whether it's worth it or not to stick it out for the next year and a half and live easier in college, as I'm also afraid to change my life right now.

EDIT2: I should clarify about my boyfriend, my boyfriend is the most wonderful person in the world and has never treated me poorly in any way. The entire post is about my father; the sentence following the mention of how I vent to my boyfriend is about my dad, NOT my boyfriend.

I just want to specify the above post a little: tell a teacher or counselor. They are required to report child abuse (which is very clearly what this is). You do need to be somewhere safe and an adult you trust can help with that.

I should have written that clearer! So sorry; I edited my post a couple of times, and my boyfriend is the best thing that has ever happened to me. He makes me love myself when I feel the worst. I love him so much.

Yes you do, sweetie. This man is cruel and abusive. Pack your things, go see your mother, tell her that he beats you and get her to sue him for everything he's got. Get out now. This is NOT your fault and it is NOT something you need to "stick out" for a SECOND longer. Take your things, go somewhere safe.

I'm sorry, but you need to get out of there now. The good news is, you probably have more options than you think.

Even if you move out, your father is legally obligated to support you until you're an adult. That means that you can move in with your mother without having to be a financial burden.

Also, your school will likely be able to set up some counseling. They will also be able to help you navigate the social services system. Talk to the teacher you trust the most; tell them what you've told us here.

There are people out there who will be happy to help you. You just need to reach out.

I'm sorry honey. I'm on my phone so I can't write a long post now but I will try to come back to this. I had a bad time around your age, moved from my abusive mentally ill mom's house to my dad's, who I barely knew. Moved out at 16, never went back.

13 years later my life is so good I have trouble believing it. I have a PhD and a wonderful husband and the most beautiful daughter. So it can and does get better. You have to work hard and walk through fire but you will come through it stronger.

My advice -- set up your future self. Get good grades, develop marketable skills, be a determined and unbreakable person. This shittiness your dad is putting you through is temporary. Get through it and when you're on your own, thrive. Good luck hon.

This. Get good grades so that someone else can pay for your higher education, and in the meantime either find someone with cool parents to live with or find a counselor to help you stick it out for two more years.

Get a part time job to get yourself out of the house and put money in the bank for when you can leave. Only spend the bare minimum on clothes that fit and healthy-ish food. If you don't have a car, save up for one.

I think I'm definitely going to do that! Although I need to find a bank that will let me have an account (at age 16) without having to have an adult co-sign, because he is on my account and it makes me anxious. :/

I'm so sorry. You should definitely talk to an adult you trust. Maybe a school teacher or guidance counselor?

I don't know if this is possible at all, but somehow videotaping/recording any physical/verbal abuse and taking it to an adult will help a too. I'm not sure how feasible that is, though.

I feel for you so bad. High school is a horrible enough period without having a parent who treats you like this. Please please please don't do anything to hurt or endanger yourself, and talk to the adults you trust around you. <3

I had this happen to me too, the only thing I did was wait until it was over... I advise you not to do what I did, and search an authority figure or find out which number is the best to call in these situations, depending on the country you live in. There are people and associations that deal with this sort of thing. Best of luck to you.

What about your mom? Is staying and taking the abuse worth financial support? Your mental health is more important. If possible, leave and live with mom -- I hope she's in better shape to care for you. Do they have a custody agreement? Child support? If not, she could get back child support. You can file for cheap/free most places. Also, report him to the authorities. Keep any evidence you have -- photos of bruises, etc.

Go to your mom. Pack your shit up and expect to never come back. Tell her that you'll find a job to ease some of the burden of you living with her. Use her internet and start applying online for part-time jobs right away. You'll gain the independence you desire and hopefully, a loving mother to care for you. Stay strong and keep that chin up!

Your school teachers are mandated reporters. Tell them what is going on. Keep telling them. Tell them your dad wont let you see your mom. You can even call cps yourself. They will talk with you at school, so your dad might not even know at first.

What your father is doing is completely unacceptable - I would definitely encourage you to tell someone else you trust, preferably a responsible adult, what is going on. The other suggestions about telling your mother or a school counsellor are good ones. Maybe talk to a teacher at school whom you get on with? You feel unsafe and uncared for and that is totally unfair at your age. It is totally immoral and unacceptable (not to mention illegal) for anyone in your family to lay a hand on you, least of all your father who is most likely bigger and stronger than you and sounds like a callous, miserable bully.

He refuses to tell me that he loves me. If I tell him I love him, IF he even acknowledges that I said something, it'll be an "uh-huh" or a "yeah, I know". I'll ask if he loves me too and he rarely says he does, and if he does, it's intentionally insincere.

If this sentence is about your boyfriend behavior, you should break up with him. This is not the behavior of someone who loves you.

You NEED talk to someone about your father's behavior. He might have some misdiagnosed mental issues that cause him to move inbetween behaviors. You'll be helping him by having these things looked at.