"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."Prov 31:30

4.23.2010

I don't even know what to write. I don't even know what to say. The past couple of weeks have been long. The pain I felt has consumed me. So much so that I lost my focus on the important piece of my life, my Savior. I think the quote Alex gave me the other day is fitting. "We will play at this game Christianity until we realize we are really at war for our soul." Today I have been hit with a two ton truck of truth. Now do I like it? Not really how much it hurt. Not from the people who talked to me but in realizing the only thing standing in my way is ME. The only thing stopping the fight against Satan for my Savior is ME. I feel broken but broken in a good way. Broken in truth. I feel calm. I feel saved. Today although I did not enjoy the tears, the ride has been good. I am no longer my own worst enemy. I am no longer standing in my way. And I am putting up my strongest defense. I am putting Christ at my door. I am letting Him fight in my place with His strength against Satan. I am calm. I can feel the peace. I'm no longer afraid. I am ready to accept Christ's gift. I am ready for His joy, His love, and His peace. It is in my hands, I can feel it. But even stronger is that I can feel it in my heart. I love my Savior.

4.15.2010

I find myself procrastinating these days. The worst part is it is not because I don't want to do my school work or do things. I actually do enjoy stretching my brain to the limits. The problem lies in this absolutely beautiful weather!!! It's so hard not to enjoy it and want to spend every minute outside. I hung the clothes out on the line this morning and was completely saddened by the fact that there were no more clothes to be hung!! It was so gorgeous!! And each time as I stand outside I am amazed at how BIG my God is! Today as Riley played and I hung laundry I looked around and saw His awesome creation in a full swing. And I thought "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven." Eccl. 3:1. Amazing how that is so true. I saw the plants come alive, bees buzzing around, and sweet sunshine beating on my back. Here we have come fully out of winter. A time when things have started to die only to be reborn in all His glory. How great it is to be able to watch the wonder of that unfold! And what an awesome lesson to be reminded of every year. We must be patient to watch the trees blossom with leaves, the flowers bloom, and the grass turn green, all things much like our own life that we cannot control. So today I pray to remember that for everything there is a season, and only the Father knows when to let the leaves grow as to avoid the frost.

4.06.2010

Well what a couple of days!! My little angel has turned into a mischevious, snotty two year old! Hurray for independence!! She's 2 going on 13 but with some horrible tantrums. I have been almost at shock for sheer amazement on where she learned any of it!! It's amazing how real it is that we are all born with such a sinful nature. But I know this is good. I know this time is a learning time for me. I have never been one to be wishy washy. I am very much all or nothing and my little willful two year old is very much like me. I have seen myself in a her this past week. So this week as I am going to get very annoyed, very uptight over her behavior because I know I will, I am going to work on being calm. I am going to try to react not in the moment but with grace. I will be in the eye of my own little hurricane. I am ready to embrace this time to learn patience. I am ready because I know that boundaries are good. Christ gives me boundaries. He gives me discipline in my heart when I fail. And he continues to love me when I do fall short. What better example do I need? After taking a deep breath and looking at her smile I am so ready to grow with her. I am ready to EMBRACE being a mom of a two year old. And I am motivated with Christ. I read this great picture the other day and thought I would share.

This will be a long week. This will be a trying experience but everything worthwhile is tough. My beautiful angel will be back with a little patience and some boundaries. She will reappear. I am so excited to be her mom and I am blessed.