If you believe that the House of Representatives stopped the utterly impossible and completely asinine Trumpcare bill, then you are wrong, my friends. Because America’s Emperor TrumPutin doesn’t take L’s, he now claims that the reason it never went to a vote is that he pulled it, because he’s an oracle.

“I didn’t want to take a vote. It was my idea. I said, why should I take a vote?” Trump told the Financial Times (subscription required).

“Yeah, I don’t lose. I don’t like to lose,” TrumPutin added. He also spit out a grape seed and drank from a chalice.

“But that wasn’t a definitive day,” he continued. “They are negotiating as we speak. I don’t know if you know. They are negotiating right now. There was no reason to take a vote. I said, ‘Don’t take a vote,’ and we will see what happens. But one way or the other, I promised the people great health care.”

TrumPutin also noted that he would work with Democrats to get a new bill done, but only if Republicans couldn’t shove a new bill down their throats and “get what we want” by themselves.

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He also claimed that a plan that included Democrats would lead to “not as good a form of health care.”

Because TrumPutin is the butt-naked emperor of America and refuses to hear bad news, he’s twisting this entire story to make it sound as if he didn’t run on a platform that promised to repeal and replace Obamacare. He’s also acting as if he didn’t claim to be America’s greatest deal-maker. He also seems to forget that he set up House Speaker Paul Ryan for failure and then had him take the fall after they drafted this putrid health care bill that even Republicans refused to get behind. And what kind of dictator would he be if he didn’t threaten those who chose to vote against him, because he did that, too.

But let’s just act as if all that didn’t happen and move on, because that’s how this Lil Yachty-ass administration rolls. And for the record, TrumPutin is still reckless in his tweet game and doesn’t give a hoot what anyone has to say about it.

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“Without the tweets, I wouldn’t be here,” TrumPutin said, then crushed a baby goat with his tiny fingers and began nibbling on the hoof. “I don’t regret anything, because there is nothing you can do about it. You know, if you issue hundreds of tweets and every once in a while you have a clinker, that’s not so bad.”