In front of an ocean of plucked brows, yearbook photo expressions and an albino Chris Brown, JLo brought her Cherpumple ass to BET’s 106 & Park and showed off her goods in a peek-a-poo dress that tells everyone she’s Spanx-free and is most likely wearing a thong that’s skinnier than the needle Skeletor uses to inject pure Puerto Rican virgin blood into his anus veins. JLo was not on there to promote the skin on her hips, but she’s also got a new album out called “LOVE?“.

I was reading the comments about this look at my Internet bible, the Daily Mail (I know, I know), and the majority seem to think that JLo is a 41-year-old abuelita who needs to cover up that side thigh window with curtains or some shit. But I’ll have them know that my own abuelita had a dress just like this, except she wore the cut-out in the front over her Virgin Mary panties so it looked like the mother of Jesus was peeking through a window.

I mean, are we really living in a world where prude bitches think it’s not okay for a grown woman to wear Noah Cyrus’ future job interviewing dress on national television?! Don’t get me wrong, JLo is as irritating as a chipotle pepper enema, but I must defend her right to bare thigh skin. Besides, that shit sort of looks like lattice pie dough. And who doesn’t love pollo pie?!

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