My Breast Battle - Barnsley, UK

I am 26 years old, turning 27 this year. I am...

9 Apr 2012

I am 26 years old, turning 27 this year. I am roughly a size 12/14 on my hips but a size 12 normally as i have put on weight recently due to depression. On top i am a 34G in the morning but this doesnt fit by about 4pm I have noticed so need to get measured on an evening coz i think i will be a size bigger (apparently that is because the weight stretch and deforms the muscles - nice eh?) Of course there are the nomal things - clothes dont fit, i look slutty no matter what, people, especially men stare, bras are more torture devices than something to seduce your partner with. I could go on of course. There are the physical things - i stopped all sports when i got them as they bounce like too massive watermelon attached to me and even if people dont think thats worth laughing at I sure think they do (i just have to laugh sometimes as it is funny but coz i know how much this also hurts and makes you feel so small and ridiculed it more often turns to tears) I can do water sports like i used to because if you put a life jacket on me i become a big block and can not bend at all, so doesnt work. I have recently decided I can let them stop me and have taken up running again but still i hate if anyone else is there. Not only that but the general pain is maddening with rashes, digging straps, back pain, heachaches, shoulder pain... Honestly tho the worst thing is i feel like less of a woman because of them, i feel like a man who wanted to be a woman so bad he had massive implants in. I dont feel attractive in any way with them and it feels like i attract all the losers who are just want to sleep with someone with big boobs - urgh I have only been to the doctor once so for (i am in the uk) and they said loose weight. Now i dont think im that fat, im not skinny either because if i was i would just topple over all the time. And its really annoyed me for them to say that, I weigh less than the average in my town admittedly this is nearly 13st but they want me to get to under 11st and I dont think there will be much left of me. So so fair its not been a pleasent experience but I hope it will get better. tho how i am meant to loose weigh when exercising is a joke i do not know.

Ok one month in since really taking the idea of a...

7 May 2012

Ok one month in since really taking the idea of a reduction seriously. My doctor here in the UK said lose weight (grrrr) but I do have a BMI of 27 but thats actually not that bad and lower than the average in my area. Anyway i have taken up running, swimming, walking and going to the gym and have actually gained weight!! I have kept a food diary and apart from a couple of slip ups I have eaten less than 1500 kcal in the last 14 days. Maybe that will suddenly hit me and I will lose some weight, so my doctor actually has to do something. I will be going back the week after next to see what she says.

I have actually gone up a cup size which makes no sense but the bra does fit better so im grateful. So im not a 34GG which means those sexy 3 clasp bras and the loss of any sex appeal whatsoever. Oh well eh?

I am getting really stressed by this whole experience and the negative view people have of it like i want my chest reduced to simple look better, yet we live in a world which would say the exact opposite is true. So i am being both vain and stupid in their opinion. And if you think about it people have their teeth done all the time with no question and that is purely cosmetic but noone is saying to children no you cant have that you vain person! I do know there is a small chance of something serious happening with surgery which could make it different but there is a risk getting in your car everyday which is way more likely to kill you so i cant see how that can be the reason they are so against it.

I swear people just think i am weird for not liking having big boobs coz 'it cant be that bad' I wish i could put to massive weights on their cheast let them carry those around for a day or so and see how they feel. Oh and of course give them the absolutly sexy as hell leather jacket, perfect and you can afford and let them put it on and think wow this fits amazingly on my waist and then try and zip it up and it wont . Not even close and therefore you cant wear it. oh and then reapeat that for all fitted item of clothes until they too are force to wear what looks like a bag or a t shirt and see how they like it.

Its just so upsetting that people arent supportive, which is why its good to have a place like this to get support. Coz i am terrified by the whole thing and what will happen and it isnt helped by people acting like i am vain. I am so far from vain and I have no false belief i will suddenly be super confident after having it done. I will just be able to wear the clothes i like, not get stared at and not be in pain. Its not fair i have to spend more, feel worse and be in pain when i dont have to be.

Hmmm my update is more of a rant, so i apologies. I guess its just the emotional conflict. Any advice to how to deal with all this would be fantastic. Thank you

Also, for you UK girls out there I am trying to...

9 May 2012

Also, for you UK girls out there I am trying to gather some specific info and experince that happen in the UK especially related to the NHS. So if any of you have a spare moment could you have a look at http://forum.movingforward-together.org/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=3. Its nothing to comapre to this site and I do not wish to take away from here at all not!! but think we need to get the word out here in the UK about the whole NHS process to stop people being hurt and upset by the system. Thanks