When it comes to gibberish, nobody appreciates it more than Yours Truly. If the truth were fully known, and let's hope it isn't, I have engaged in more than my share of gibberish.

When it comes to gibberish, nobody appreciates it more than Yours Truly.
If the truth were fully known, and let's hope it isn't, I have engaged
in more than my share of gibberish.
Just last week the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage accosted me on
this very subject. I was trying to explain to her why I did not do
something she asked me to do when in the middle of my explanation she
stopped me and said, "I wish you would stop all of this gibberish and
just tell me the truth."
I did not point out to her at that time – there were other priorities –
but later on I mused on what she said. In her statement she made an
assumption that I'm not quite sure is absolutely the truth. Her
assumption, plain and simple, is that gibberish and truth are not
synonymous. According to her, it is either gibberish or it is the
truth, and neither shall the twain meet.
I feel, however, that this is not fair.
Undoubtedly, everybody would agree that there are plenty of times when
the truth is absolutely essential. The higher up the chain of authority
the more essential that truth is.
For example, if I am driving down the road speeding and a police officer
stops me and asks me if I was speeding, the truth will set me free.
Especially, when the nice police officer has irrefutable evidence that
I was in fact speeding. There is absolutely no good that can come from
lying in a situation like this.
Then there is the other side. If your wife asks you if the dress she is
wearing makes her look fat, believe me, the truth will not set you
free. This is where gibberish comes in.
There is a place for everything in life, and I am happy to say that
there is a place for gibberish.
Now the question bears asking, what is gibberish?
According to the dictionary, gibberish is "rapid and incoherent talk;
unintelligible chatter; jargon." That definition covers a vast
territory of human experience.
Nowhere in that definition does it even suggest that gibberish is the
opposite of truth. In fact, gibberish at its best is truth disguised in
order not to hurt somebody. That somebody may be yourself or in my
case, my wife. I employ the fine art of gibberish so as not to hurt the
one I love. And I am sticking with that story.
First, gibberish is "rapid and incoherent talk." Many a time this has
been my salvation. When I am caught, for example, with my hands in the
cookie jar and someone catches me and inquires, "What are you doing?"
this level of gibberish is employed. And the faster the better. Of
course, if your mouth is filled with cookies at the time, all the
better.
Then there is the "unintelligible chatter." This is harder to master.
Not the "unintelligible" part. For many of us, especially husbands,
this is almost a natural thing. Regardless, it becomes quite easy for
us. The chatter part sometimes slows us down. After all, any man who
has been married for any length of time rarely gets the opportunity to
practice his chattering skills. This is why most husbands talk in their
sleep.
Last, but not least is "jargon." This calls for a specialized language
requiring the employment of words that do not mean anything whatsoever.
Words like, “thingamajig” and “whatchamacallit.” For those who are
going to master the skills of gibberish these kinds of words are
absolutely necessary.
When my father was working in the garage, he used to tell me, "Go get me
that thingamajig next to the whatchamacallit." I always brought him the
hammer. He always invited me to go outside and play.
Gibberish is a present help in time of trouble.
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