Audiobook voice casting – need help!

Sorry for the non-father’s day-related post. We’re celebrating here by weakly cheering on my husband for holding down an apple. Yep, it’s pukesville U.S.A. It’s just as well we didn’t get him the bourbon he really wanted, because Pepto Bismol makes a lousy mixer. The steak is going back into the freezer, the whiffle bat is going back on the porch, and we’re having strawberry shortcake anyway, because what the hell.

Anyway, I need some quick help from you guys, especially if you’ve been reading my stuff for a while. As I’ve mentioned, I’m putting out an audiobook in the fall. Audible.com will be using one of their professional readers, but they are letting me help choose someone. The editor says:

Casting an audiobook is much like casting a film— use any description you like, to pinpoint the voice you imagine.

E.g.: “Greta Garbo crossed with Tom Hanks and a pinch of mustard!”

Any casting notes you give me will go directly to the Audible Studio’s casting director, who will bake them in to the production of your audiobook.

So, I can’t just say, “Hire Anne Bancroft!” I mean, she’s dead, but also, even if she were alive, I couldn’t say that. But I can ask for someone who sounds like Anne Bancroft.

My problem is that I don’t know names. I’m not familiar with a lot of famous voices. I’m looking for someone who sounds friendly and motherly, I guess, but who can deliver a punch line with a real punch in it. The book is chatty overall, grave in some places, and pretty tart many others. I would like a woman with a deeper voice, maybe a little gravelly, with a good sense of comic timing.

I would be very grateful for any suggestions! I said I’d turn in my casting notes on Monday. Thanks!