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Dating

♣

The Serial Dater

(Spooky Bad Date Patterns)

[caption id="attachment_56" align="alignright" width="182" caption="Do you have a pattern of dating the wrong person? Find out what profile you're attracted to!"][/caption]
Considering that we just finished the month of spooks, frights and plain creepy people getting a pass at being creepy, now is the time to address the inner spook lurking about in the dating world. It's called the serial dater, and like it or not, we're all prone to it in one form or another. Some of us are good serial daters, always finding the yin to our yang. And there are the less fortunate of us who manage to attract negative partners, thus creating the serial pattern. Don't think it's you??!! Just read on and see if any of these unisex spooky characters pop up in your relationships.
1. The Hoodrat:
I have a great friend (who shall remain nameless unless I want to get an angry email just moments after posting this) who is definitely by all means a catch. He's attractive, hails from a great background, educated, has independent means and in general is just an overall nice man. But for some reason ever since we were in college this nice man always manages to find a hoodrat. Someone who might have aspirations of grandeur in the future, but is mentally immature right now.
The Problem: Hoodrats are next to impossible to shake. Once they imbed themselves in your lives they have a habit of using mental games (i.e. not returning your call, playing the emotional card to always leave you feeling guilty and unsure of your status with them) to weigh the relationship in their favor. Even if you break up with one, the emotional drama trail they've left is like a calling card for a new hoodrat to pick up where they left off.
Note: And not to be mistaken, a hoodrat can be male or female - as long as they have a penchant for immaturity and leave you on the emotional relationship bubble.
2. The Dramatic:
Not everything can be on the verge of an emotional meltdown, but these people seem to make it look that way. When they're around, you're constantly putting out their four alarm fires.
The Problem: This is draining, and besides...where's the reciprocity in that? Dramatics have a tendency to be selfish, blowing their own issues out of proportion and neglecting to notice that you're even in the room or might have an issue of your own. These types should go into PR because they're the divas of spin.
3. The Social Climber:
Don't get me wrong, it's great to hobnob with the best of them, but people who see stars all the time also have a tendency to be vapid among other things.
The Problem: Where's the substance in this?? You can't center your life around climbing the social ladder, that should be an additive not a career goal. While they're on the climb to the top, where's the time for you? And chances are that Mr./Ms. Social is only hanging around you for whatever clout you can offer them. As soon as someone with more star power comes along, you'll be left in their wake.
4. The Abuser:
Whether it's substance or you, this is a no brainer - run don't walk for the nearest exit stage left.
The Problem: Don't even try to rationalize their behavior because this type of person is a self esteem vacuum. Whether you're trying to help them out of their problems or covering up their abusive behavior, the outcome will be the same - help comes to those who help themselves. Helping people overcome serious psychological or substance abuse issues that may have manifested since childhood is a mega task, even for professionals. So unless you "knew them when", steer clear of this because it's more likely that you will join them than the other way around (i.e. a famous R&B singer who married a so-so singer with a less than squeaky clean substance record).
The Solution: It's hard to retrain your dating eye to recognize when a serial dating spook is on the prowl. However, sometimes when starting over fresh, it's best to ask for assistance from friends. Anyone who pegged your past few significant others as the losers they really were should be consulted for help on fixing you on a date. Yes, it might sound lame but what's felt right to you hasn't been working and it's time to regroup.
In addition, make a list of deal breakers and qualities that you absolutely refuse to compromise. Obviously, the list will run long! However, after you create the list, go through and tick off roughly twenty items total from the deal breakers and the qualities. Any time a potential date commits a deal breaker from the core twenty, rather than waiting until two months later to say adios, end the date that night and let them know politely by the next day that you don't think things will work out. Sticking firm to these values will help you form a clear view of your version of Mr. or Ms. Right and get you on the path to leaving Mr./Ms. Spooky behind.

♣

Sexy & Single

(It's Okay to be Single for the Holidays)

[caption id="attachment_59" align="alignright" width="172" caption="Being single over the holidays can have benefits! Take a moment to see why you're not missing as much as you think you are."][/caption]
Yup, it's that time of year again, where it seems like almost anyone who considers themselves a self-respecting person is coupled or paired up in one way or another. It seems as if we're practically inundated with images of happy romances more this time of year than any other time (second to Valentines Day). So what's a single guy or girl to do? Should you "wallow in self pity", bemoaning the fact that you're actually single in the city? Or should you remind people of all the benefits of singledom? Well, just in case attached friends and manic relatives are trying to depress you with marriage and baby questions, here's a reality check for why being single for the holidays isn't quite as bad as mass media would have you believe.
Being single means that you don't have the pressure of meeting someone else's relatives. It can be stressful enough to have to deal with your own wacky crew. So, it should be a breath of fresh air to not have to deal with other wacky people who you may or may not even remotely know. Rather than having to tread lightly with affectionate displays and "what kind of girl/guy are you going to be for my baby" questions, you can actually enjoy the holidays and tune out pesky family members.
Likewise, you can also spend your holidays exactly as you like. Instead of trying to decide who spends Christmas with which family, you can spend Christmas with your family, without the added helping of guilt. You won't have to hear your mother or father complain about your current beau not being good enough for their baby either.
And instead of spending the holidays crying because you don't have anyone to canoodle with under the mistletoe, hang out with friends and family that you haven't spent time with in a while. Go bowling with friends or if your "lucky" enough to live in a cold weather climate, take advantage of the snow and make snowmen and angels with family and friends. As an added benefit, you do have the opportunity to meet new people and flirt shamelessly with whatever hottie comes your way. But as a side note, do make sure that you don't shamelessly flirt with your friends' hotties...this is a definite way to make sure that you won't be invited back.
Whereas other people are stressing over the perfect holiday gift for their SO that denotes the right amount of interest without freaking them out, you can buy gifts without stress. You already know your friends' personalities and know that even if you don't get the gift right, they won't be hightailing it for the door and refusing to return your calls in the morning. And that should be enough to make you breathe a sigh of relief.
Just incase you still need reassurance that it's ok to be single during the holidays, catch this--life goes on. So what if you're single...it's not the end of the world! Being single shouldn't be compared to a dirty four-letter word. Take this time to reflect on all the positive things that have happened to you, and recognize how many of those things occurred without the influence of a significant other. Obviously, this can be a hard time of year with all the innuendos pushing us to form attachments. But you need to keep things in perspective. Of course, it's great to have a significant other, but your life shouldn't come to a grinding halt just because Mr. or Ms. Right hasn't come charging into your life. So go out there and enjoy your life, and stop wishing for things that aren't meant to be at this exact moment.