Feel it Coming In the Air Tonight.

Go to page

On the road unwanted to travel

Son has most likely lost his job of 3 weeks. Got paid yesterday. Spent the day at his GFs yesterday. She is a depressed anorexic drug addicted cutter....he can sure pick em....I am sure her parents feel the same way. He spent last night and this morning hacking coughing vomiting and GI issues. Said he didn't get a call in for work. Who knows if he did or didn't.

Dad asked to have a family lunch. He attended which was a surprise. Son had to go home and change because he had a bowel accident. He declared this is because he is detoxing from doing Poppers (pot and weed in a bong), for so long (he says since he was 15....he embellishes and I thing he has been doing this for at least a year). He claims to be doing no drugs at all. I am not so certain.

After lunch he asked if he could go to his GFs and I said entirely up to you are you sure your well enough? He said perhaps a gluten free diet would help him (face palm, face palm, face palm). I dropped him off and a few hours later he informed me he will be staying over at a Friends house this evening. Again I asked him if he felt this wise. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea and he said he was going to. This friend is in a very rough area of the city in low income housing. He has the uniform of the drug cultured teen.

I have a strong spidy sense that something is going to go terribly wrong tonight. I hope I am wrong. But at almost 18 you can't sit on them an babysit them 24/7. His choices his consequences.

I feel like I am on a shoreline watching the great storm rolling in. I so pray my senses are wrong. I am soul searching and building the confidence to move forward. Each encounter and eqch day feels like a new chamber pull in a game of Russian Roulette.

I truly dream of a day where by some miracle he wakes up and says this life is bullshit. It's making me sick and is dragging me down.....down....down.
I have learned to have hope with no expectations. I am now strong enough to make him leave my home if he infiltrates our home and our lives with his addiction. I am ready to demand this be a untied front from my spouse. I hope for calm but prepare for the storm.

Ok I am just going to put it out there. I have a strong intuitive sense that there is going to be a run in with the law tonight. I pray it is only fear driven paranoia. But with our CD Difficult Child it is so often all too common.

Active Member

Your gut is telling you he is doing more than weed. Youyu get dope sick from hard drugs. And this is the same as my son when he was detoxing ftom herion. Funny, they can be too sick to work, but will run over to a friends. Thats because thats where he can get dope and get high. Get out of his way, he isnt gonna lusten to you. Ive been getting in my sons way for 15yrs. Nothing works. Save yourselves

On the road unwanted to travel

Your gut is telling you he is doing more than weed. Youyu get dope sick from hard drugs. And this is the same as my son when he was detoxing ftom herion. Funny, they can be too sick to work, but will run over to a friends. Thats because thats where he can get dope and get high. Get out of his way, he isnt gonna lusten to you. Ive been getting in my sons way for 15yrs. Nothing works. Save yourselves

I fretted and was paralyzed. I walked the dogs and went to bed early and turned off my phone. I agree. Let go and let the universe control what is to be. I had a great sleep for the first time in weeks. Yes I agree with you about the dope sickness I vaselate between in being harder drugs or that he was so hooked on poppers he may be off them and these symptoms can go on for weeks. Oddly it is more because of the nicotine the are sucking in unfiltered from the bong vs the weed. And yes too sick to work, too sick to get out of bed and then it is party time. That makes me the angriest. Put the addict round in the chamber and spin let's see what today brings.

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

I recently joined a closed group on Facebook for parents of addicted (adult) children. The moderator is a therapist and her son is an addict. She gets it. She has a lot of self help/self soothing videos etc. that I have been watching. She is such a calm and peaceful person and I want some of that!!

One comment struck me yesterday that a former addict said to her and that is there is NOTHING a parent can SAY or DO to make an addict stop using. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

That statement really resignated with me because I have in the past tried so very hard to say just the right thing to our son. Something that would make the light bulb go off. My husband also has had "the talk" with him numerous times.

I cannot fathom the amount of energy I have wasted trying to think of that magical thing to say that would change it all. The words I've searched for do not exist.

On the road unwanted to travel

I am in limbo and will be until he finds his way or he falls apart and we ask him to go. I think this is the hardest place I have ever been with 17 Difficult Child. Exposed in limbo and frustrated. It sucks the life out of you. He can't seem to get through to Legal aid, mental health referral....I appear to have no trouble calling them back when they reach out to me. Age of emancipation is 18 ....sigh. I made his mental health intake appointment up to him to get there. I made a doctors apt ....it's not conveneant for him...too early 1:30 pm!! He can rebook it. I have cleared his rejection from legal aid...letter he needs for court is coming in the mail. Deep breath. And on to my life.

Culturanta me too for years now I have been feeling guilty and reacting with pitty and support trying to fix my son. He has done nothing but get worse. Time for a new strategy for all of us. Tough love sucks but it is what it has to be.

Well-Known Member

Being kind and then getting abused, spending every dime you have, neglecting other loved ones and in spite of all our sacrifice being more abused and seeing no progress sucks too.

It is one thing if we CAN do something that helps, but in addiction helping doesnt help. I heard what RN heard from sober addicts and their parents in Al Anon and when I went to AA a few times to try to figure it out from an addicts perspective. They all said the same thing RN heard...there is NOTHING anyone can do to make another sober. Nothing.

This made it easier for me (although far from easy) to make Daughter leave when it happened. I believed the addicts. Who would know better?

Well-Known Member

I truly dream of a day where by some miracle he wakes up and says this life is bullshit. It's making me sick and is dragging me down.....down....down.
I have learned to have hope with no expectations. I am now strong enough to make him leave my home if he infiltrates our home and our lives with his addiction. I am ready to demand this be a untied front from my spouse. I hope for calm but prepare for the storm.

Don't let it drag you down anymore. Start working on you and your spouse. I would suggest that you start by checking your states laws to see if you can just kick your son out or if you will actually have to follow an eviction process. Don't wait to see if he "infiltrates our home and our lives with his addiction." since he already has. I would bet money that he has drugs in your home and has done them in your home. Not because I know your son that wee but because I know mine. He did the same thing. Puking up sick because of K-2 so couldn't go to work but an hour later asking to borrow the car to go hang out with friends. Denied over and over that he never did that in our house yet on multiple occasions I caught him smoking cigarettes in the house which was against the rules as well. If he will do one, he will do the other. There was also the time we came home to find him so stoned he could barely walk. After he left we found potpourri packages everywhere, bong water, and burns in the carpet where he had passed out while his pipe was still lit.

Get with your spouse and get on the same page. Don't let your grown son destroy your home.

On the road unwanted to travel

Well well D.C. Made it to bail meeting and to group therapy today. I am shocked because he hasn't returned home since staying at his friends place last night. He must have been a tad smelly as he had no change of clothes or ammmenties with him. but he made it!! Hope with no expectations.

On the road unwanted to travel

So WOW. I am not sure what is going down here. I picked Difficult Child up and he was calm and talkative on the way home. Spoke about group therapy. Said his alarm is set for work and that he spoke to the owner and is being picked up for work tomorrow. Came on cleaned up his mess in his bedroom and took his laundry to the washer. Nothing from me to prompt any of this. He said he was sorry for ....everything had a case of beer with him form 2 days ago....shocked he still had it. Only 8 were gone. No crazy texts, no crazy demands. I am again in a puddle of happy tears. I am still hopeful with absolutely no expectations. Oh and he said he put his alarm on for work and put his psychiatric meeting in his calendar ....never done that before. I am afraid I am going to wake from a dream.

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

So WOW. I am not sure what is going down here. I picked Difficult Child up and he was calm and talkative on the way home. Spoke about group therapy. Said his alarm is set for work and that he spoke to the owner and is being picked up for work tomorrow. Came on cleaned up his mess in his bedroom and took his laundry to the washer. Nothing from me to prompt any of this. He said he was sorry for ....everything had a case of beer with him form 2 days ago....shocked he still had it. Only 8 were gone. No crazy texts, no crazy demands. I am again in a puddle of happy tears. I am still hopeful with absolutely no expectations. Oh and he said he put his alarm on for work and put his psychiatric meeting in his calendar ....never done that before. I am afraid I am going to wake from a dream.

Oh mof what does it take for them to face reality. A friend of mine has a brother who was on the streets for a number of years addicted to heroin and crack. Actually 2 brothers. One died on the street and that still didn't straighten P out. He eventually walked into a rehab/mental health hospital and got clean that was 25 years ago. I asked him what made you go to rehab and stop, when even losing your brother to a drug overdose didn't do it. He said he can't explain it but that he looked in a mirror while he was preparing to shoot up and he had an epiphany and just could not stop putting the needle in when he wanted to stop. That was the beginning of he end for him. He had a great job and private rehab insurance and no rehab prevented him from falling further into his addiction because he didn't want to stop.
I asked P if DCs symptoms could be from quitting poppers (he is a rehab Councilor), and he said withdrawal from these damn poppers is as bad as coming off heroine and it is more the nocotene and chemicals from the tobacco that cause it. I am not saying that I don't believe for one minute that my son was doing whatever he could get his hands on as well.
Sadly Ps daughter is now a heroin addict he attempted every which way to help her and as he knows if the addict doesn't want to change they won't. He put her out last year and she is now on the mean street of Vancouver.
I am truly at my limit with Difficult Child. If he is turning a corner blessing to the universe but if not it's time for tough love out out out!

Oh mof what does it take for them to face reality. A friend of mine has a brother who was on the streets for a miner of years addicted to heroin and crack. Actually 2 brothers. One died on the street and hat still didn't straighten P out. He eventually walked into a rehab/mental health hospital and got clean that was 25 years ago. I asked him what made you go to rehab and stop, when even losing your brother to a drug overdose didn't do it. He said he can't explain it but that he looked in a mirror while he was preparing to shoot up and he had an epiphany and just could not stop putting the needle in when he wanted to stop. That was the beginning of he end for him. He had a great job and private rehab insurance and no rehab prevented him from falling further into his addiction because he didn't want to stop.
I asked P if DCs symptoms could be from quoting poppers (he is a rehab Councilor), and he said withdrawal from these damn poppers is as bad as coming off heroine and it is more the nocotene and chemicals from the tobacco that cause it. I am not saying that I don't believe for one minute that my son was doing whatever he could get his hands on as well.
Sadly Ps daughter is now a heroin addict he attempted every which way to help her and as he knows if the addict doesn't want to change they won't. He put her out last year and she is now on the mean street of Vancouver.
I am truly at my limit with Difficult Child. If he is turning a corner blessing to the universe but if not it's time for tough love out out out.

Well-Known Member

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

I have a friend whose son has been using something for at least two years. He did not start until age 23 and lost job etc. In my opinion she has been in denial because she is single and has a boyfriend and son never stole from her or got crazy so she let it be and really let him live in a way in her home that was shocking to me.

I did not say much to her but tried to give her support because I had been dealing with this for a few years by that point.

He eventually ended up having a girlfriend holed up in his room with him. They both were using something. She finally kicked them both out about 2 months ago. They went to live with girlfriend parents. His room and bathroom were like a rat's nest. She sent me pictures. It took her days to scrub. Had to throw out mattress etc. Burn holes etc. Her home is otherwise enviable and beautiful and immaculate.

They started coming around. She saw the old him back. Crazy but he was talking about joining the marines etc. Actually talked to her like a normal person. She was so happy.

Last week he broke up with girlfriend and asked to come home. Admitted he'd been on Xanax for 2 years. Both were. He agreed to go to day program but mentioned he has been taking Klonopin (same family of drugs as Xanax) to detox himself (eye roll) and had to drink a few beers to go see the intake person. He already detoxed himself so doesn't need rehab (ugh okay if you say so). He doesn't seem to think he has any issue now!

She emailed me to let me know of recent development with him. I said it was good he asked for help but in reality I only think it's so he could move home. Saw right through that one. I did not tell her my true feelings because people really don't want to hear it. She really never educated herself on addiction or any of this. Ignorance is bliss.

She accused me of being negative and that she was very hurt and felt horrible on her drive home from work. I was her confident. She looked to me for advice and support because I've been dealing with it for years. What??

Seriously I reread my emails a few times and I was not negative except saying that my son was in sober living (again) and that we were doing it all AGAIN AND AGAIN. I don't think I was being negative.

I am realistic based on MY own experience. I cannot sugar coat this for her. I will not tell her it's all going to be okay. I am scared that he is back in her home and it won't end well. She said she will not go through what her mother went through. Her adult brother has been an addict all his life.

On the road unwanted to travel

I have a friend whose son has been using something for at least two years. He did not start until age 23 and lost job etc. In my opinion she has been in denial because she is single and has a boyfriend and son never stole from her or got crazy so she let it be and really let him live in a way in her home that was shocking to me.

I did not say much to her but tried to give her support because I had been dealing with this for a few years by that point.

He eventually ended up having a girlfriend holed up in his room with him. They both were using something. She finally kicked them both out about 2 months ago. They went to live with girlfriend parents. His room and bathroom were like a rat's nest. She sent me pictures. It took her days to scrub. Had to throw out mattress etc. Burn holes etc. Her home is otherwise enviable and beautiful and immaculate.

They started coming around. She saw the old him back. Crazy but he was talking about joining the marines etc. Actually talked to her like a normal person. She was so happy.

Last week he broke up with girlfriend and asked to come home. Admitted he'd been on Xanax for 2 years. Both were. He agreed to go to day program but mentioned he has been taking Klonopin (same family of drugs as Xanax) to detox himself (eye roll) and had to drink a few beers to go see the intake person. He already detoxed himself so doesn't need rehab (ugh okay if you say so). He doesn't seem to think he has any issue now!

She emailed me to let me know of recent development with him. I said it was good he asked for help but in reality I only think it's so he could move home. Saw right through that one. I did not tell her my true feelings because people really don't want to hear it. She really never educated herself on addiction or any of this. Ignorance is bliss.

She accused me of being negative and that she was very hurt and felt horrible on her drive home from work. I was her confident. She looked to me for advice and support because I've been dealing with it for years. What??

Seriously I reread my emails a few times and I was not negative except saying that my son was in sober living (again) and that we were doing it all AGAIN AND AGAIN. I don't think I was being negative.

I am realistic based on MY own experience. I cannot sugar coat this for her. I will not tell her it's all going to be okay. I am scared that he is back in her home and it won't end well. She said she will not go through what her mother went through. Her adult brother has been an addict all his life.

RN sometimes people hear what they want to hear and project emotions onto others. In time I hope her pain subsides enough to accept your valuable support. Take solace in knowing your words have helped me through one of the darkest times of my life! I am so very grateful for this forum, its wonderful members, and having a safe place to share frustrations and words of wisdom.

I am shocked at how much drug abuse goes on in people's back yards, and under their roofs and they choose to turn a blind eye and do nothing about it. It seams like an epidemic. I struggle with explaining to my son that we just don't live that way. I can understand why he is getting mixed messages with lax parents out there who choose to do nothing but ignore the problem. A local boy out of control living in his parents basement. Everyone knew he was the local dealer. There home is worh millions. The police set up serveylance and arrested him with every drug under the sun. The police told his parents they were lucky the home was not ceased. The police refused to believe the parents did not know What their son was doing. He is 23 and facing serious time in jail. This was a good lesson for my son.

On the road unwanted to travel

I recently joined a closed group on Facebook for parents of addicted (adult) children. The moderator is a therapist and her son is an addict. She gets it. She has a lot of self help/self soothing videos etc. that I have been watching. She is such a calm and peaceful person and I want some of that!!

One comment struck me yesterday that a former addict said to her and that is there is NOTHING a parent can SAY or DO to make an addict stop using. ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.

That statement really resignated with me because I have in the past tried so very hard to say just the right thing to our son. Something that would make the light bulb go off. My husband also has had "the talk" with him numerous times.

I cannot fathom the amount of energy I have wasted trying to think of that magical thing to say that would change it all. The words I've searched for do not exist.