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Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I find the vast majority of gays are turned off by drag queens and would never consider dating one. So much do that I have to conceal my alter-ego from the majority of new guys I meet and forbid my friends from letting other know I do drag, just so I can get laid once in a while.

Why are guys so turned off? I don't consider myself like a woman at all. I just see drag as an art form: where makeup, hair, sewing, dance and acting all intersect. I just do it for fun and I only go out in the look when I'm performing. I don't see it much different than a clown.
What is the big deal? Would you ever date a queen?

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I would be totally down. I love drag culture, even though it's something I could never pull off nor do I want to, I always have a gay old time at drag shows and some of the most charismatic and a blast-to-hang-out-with people in my life were/are drag queens .

As long as it's strictly drag and not someone who will come out to me as a woman in the middle of our relationship.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Of course M1000 is not confused. He is simply saying that the ability to look feminine is not an asset when it comes to attracting men who are attracted to men. It's not a hard concept to grasp.

But 1, that isn't what he said, and 2, we're talking drag queens. People who dress up for maybe like 2 hours a week. And plenty of them look like "men" outside of drag, as they should, because they are.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I won't argue the "that's just not what I'm attracted to" stance, but I'd point out that many gay guys won't even befriend drag queens. And I know we've had some JUBbers in the past say they don't bother even befriending men they're not attracted to, I'll focus on those who presumably don't care how "hot" their platonic friends are.

I think many gay guys (and straight guys) still fear the stereotype. They fear being thought of as "feminine", of being a "not a real man". And drag queens basically are those feelings made flesh. Drag queens (when done right) truly connect into their feminine characteristics, bringing them to the fore and giving them a voice. They're basically celebrating something that many gay (and straight) guys have spent their adult lives keeping under wraps, and that can make them very uncomfortable.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Hard-up1

He can speak for himself of course, but that is what he meant. As I said, my experience has been that it is not some isolated zone of the career or personality. There are few who take it to an art form, like Barry does Dame Edna.

To Lex's point, I agree. There is homophobia there for many. For yet others, it is an aversion to glam in general. I don't have any lady friends who are bling people. It is just a value system I don't share. I was a member of the gay men's chorus here, but eventually left because social gatherings were just catty gossipy crap in lieu of good conversation. The talk always turned coarse, raunchy, the topics banal, and cliched. It demeaned gay in my view. My straight friends don't go there, and I don't enjoy it either.

Not really familiar with drag queens who ever just portray ordinary feminism per se, like Cathy in the comics. It's always Liza, Cher, or some camp portrayal of a big mama.

But that's not really the issue that's here though. It's the idea that drag queens aren't men, which is why I bothered replying. An aversion to glam is completely fair, but implying that drag queens aren't "men" is ludicrous.

And there's different varieties of drag. There's the glamazon type you mentioned, there's horror drag, there's androgynous drag, there's plane jain drag but that isn't something you usually see in the nightclubs. More something that is embodied in a character for some type of other entertainment outlet.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Idablows

But 1, that isn't what he said, and 2, we're talking drag queens. People who dress up for maybe like 2 hours a week. And plenty of them look like "men" outside of drag, as they should, because they are.

And there you have it. When they are in drag, they ARE females, and gay men don't usually want to be sexually attracted to females. Take RuPaul for example. I have never seen her out of drag except for one or two photos on Google. To me, she is a woman, and I can't get that image out of my head. It would be like The Crying Game all over again.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I like masculinity. Men putting on skirts and lipsticks just ruin the image.

I have liked effeminate men but drag queens... no. I think they are amazing and entertaining but I don't think I can be in long term relationship with one because I am not turned on by them, in and out of drag.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by gsdx

And there you have it. When they are in drag, they ARE females, and gay men don't usually want to be sexually attracted to females. Take RuPaul for example. I have never seen her out of drag except for one or two photos on Google. To me, she is a woman, and I can't get that image out of my head. It would be like The Crying Game all over again.

There you have what? Once again, drag queens are in drag for a few hours a week. They're men outside of drag where they spend more than a majority of their time. Unless I misread the thread and it was asking if you would date a man IN drag, I don't see how a gay man would confuse a drag queen with a woman.

And RuPaul is a horrible example because he is a media personality, of course you're not going to see him out of drag unless you watch RuPauls Drag Race where he is out of drag for most of the show. You would see an IRL drag queen as a man a majority of the time.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Oh, apparently you are a better gay man if you date a drag queen. Will I win extra points for if he is of a different race? Any paraplegic Polynesian effeminate bipolar HIV+ pansexual drag queen out there for me? Or is that still too mainstream?

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Ram

Oh, apparently you are a better gay man if you date a drag queen. Will I win extra points for if he is of a different race? Any paraplegic Polynesian effeminate bipolar HIV+ pansexual drag queen out there for me? Or is that still too mainstream?

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I worked with at least 3 drag queens behind the bar over the years and I don't remember any of them ever having a problem getting a date or a man. Quite the opposite actually (they were bigger sluts than me)...

The truth of the matter is...different strokes for different folks. No matter who you are or what niche you fall into there are gonna be guys you just aren't turned on to...no big deal. It is what it is. When people would come up to me and lament about this to me I would tell them to think about all the guys who they are NOT turned on by and then ask them if it was anything personal?...and then tell them to remember that next time they worry about it or take it personally when the object of their affections just wasn't into them.

When I was in my 20s...I had a slew of young blond twinks that had a crush on me and I had zero interest in any of them...not my thing. The irony...they seem to be everyone else's thing. When the bar would close the doorman would start in on me...wishing he was in my place...and here I was wishing I was in his place because they guys I liked were interested in him...not me.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

The OP asked why are gays turned off by drag queens. So this is after they have done their make up etc. I'm attracted to what I see, what I see is whats on the outside and what on the outside is a woman which I definitely am not attracted to as a gay person. What is so difficult about that? The OP did not ask why are gays turned off by a man who does drag but is not in drag at the time of meeting.

I'm sure many of us would be attracted to a masculine guy who is a drag queen if we didn't know he is a drag queen

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

And if a straight girl rejects her boyfriend because he is a transvestite who only dons female clothes when his crappy band plays every Sunday night? She's ignorant? Because it doesn't fit her image of an ideal boyfriend? Is she at fault? She hates effeminate men?

It can be an issue of career choice. The art of drag is not something that sits well with many people. People have problems with it. They don't understand it and I bet they don't care to understand it. I don't think it's an issue of effeminacy. It's a problem of "look, you are from that world and I am from this world"... we are just too different.

<edit>Yes, there are some people who would not date drag queens because it is very much associated over-the-top effeminate behavior. So what if there are people who do not want to date effeminate men? Is there something really wrong with these people? Fine, more men for me. It's their lost thanks to their preference.

I thought being gay in this time means that we understand the concept of not telling others to date and marry according to what others believe in.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Kabodle

Why are guys so turned off? I don't consider myself like a woman at all. I just see drag as an art form: where makeup, hair, sewing, dance and acting all intersect. I just do it for fun and I only go out in the look when I'm performing. I don't see it much different than a clown.
What is the big deal? Would you ever date a queen?

OK, been there and dated that
I think the big problem a lot of guys have is that they confuse the stage persona with the real person.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Ram

Oh, apparently you are a better gay man if you date a drag queen.

Originally Posted by TheFallenAsexual

For the record, I wasn't implying that.

For the record, I was.

Although not so much "date" or even "befriend" so much as "be open to the possibility of same". People haven't even said "I really haven't met a guy who does drag that I find attractive". Just "they're too effeminate" and "I'm not attracted to them". I've never dated one, either, and no, I don't search for drag queens when I'm looking for fap material. But I don't see why I might not meet a guy I was attracted to who did drag. I can think of a couple guys who do drag that I could possibly see myself in a relationship with.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I've dated drag queens, and in the way back distant past have even dabbled in drag. It was fun for it's time, but it's not for me.

From my perspective, I think one of the biggest turn offs is the DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA. The queens I knew, dated, hung out with... were all centers of the spot light, at ALL times (even out of drag). It's exhausting.

Other aspects I didn't care for was: frequently, they had to be called by their drag name, even when NOT in drag. Everything revolved around their next number, dress they were going to wear, shoes,... and when they weren't in drag, a lot of them looked androgynous with their shaved pits/chests/eye brows/arms... And they were always gossiping about the other queens, she said-she said, who stole what from whom, ... again, I stress, DRAMA DRAMA DRAMA.

Some of my best friends are Queens... and I love them to death but I wouldn't want to live in that world full time.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

^ Terrible gays.

Originally Posted by G-Lexington

For the record, I was.

Although not so much "date" or even "befriend" so much as "be open to the possibility of same". People haven't even said "I really haven't met a guy who does drag that I find attractive". Just "they're too effeminate" and "I'm not attracted to them". I've never dated one, either, and no, I don't search for drag queens when I'm looking for fap material. But I don't see why I might not meet a guy I was attracted to who did drag. I can think of a couple guys who do drag that I could possibly see myself in a relationship with.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by tombastep

I really hope my post doesn't come off that way at all. The last thing I want to imply in my posts would be my preferences/decisions/opinions > everyone else. That's never the case and I don't believe that for a second.

It's not your post. It's the "I can't believe you are not like me" brigade.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

My husband is sort of masculine looking, but effeminate acting. I'm normally not attracted to effeminate behaviour, but I love him so much that it is not an issue. I think he would like to do drag, and if he did, it would not change how I feel about him.

I see two viewpoints in this thread. One that states those who do drag maintain a certain level of feminity at all times, not just during a drag show. In this viewpoint I can understand that a drag queen wouldn't be attractive to someone attracted exclusively to masculinity. But this doesn't address those who just do drag once in a while for laughs, or fun, or art.

The other viewpoint is that drag performers should not be identified by something that only occurs infrequently. But that doesn't really address those who live their life in drag, or are perpetually straddling the line between feminity and masculinity. However, in this case it is perplexing as to why someone would discard a drag queen if they are masculine the other 99% of their time.

I also agree with the user who noted homophobia at play here. I have met so many gay men who are homophobic, to various degrees. And of course, none of them would see themselves as homophobic, but maybe we all are- to some extent. Gay men who judge others on dressing "gay" or acting "gay"... just judging them for it is homophobic, but then so many won't even befriend that person. I won't say not dating that person is a homophobic act, because personal preference plays a part.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by FanofFiction

I also agree with the user who noted homophobia at play here. I have met so many gay men who are homophobic, to various degrees. And of course, none of them would see themselves as homophobic, but maybe we all are- to some extent. Gay men who judge others on dressing "gay" or acting "gay"... just judging them for it is homophobic, but then so many won't even befriend that person. I won't say not dating that person is a homophobic act, because personal preference plays a part.

^^^This is true. Sociological fact...oppressed groups of people internalize their oppression and then oppress each other.

There is an easy cure for this.

Recognize it for what it is...own it...take a look at it...and then let it go.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

As borg69 stated, the shaved pits, chest, legs, and eyebrow plucking are a complete turn off for me. If they perform more than once a month, these things would have to be kept up at all times. The drama, I'm too old to deal with any of that, and also to give a damn about others telling me that I should or should not be attracted to someone. A guy in womans clothing is a no go item. Period.

Again, we are talking about attraction, not whether said Queen is a good person or a friend, which I have a few.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

All the drag queens I've ever known were all strict bottoms so, being a bottom myself, I never had an interest in them sexually. Friends yes, relationship no. The fact that they do drag is irrelevant. The fact that all the ones I've known are bottoms, is relevant. Sadly, I've never met a drag queen who was a top.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

If I see a guy dressed up as a woman (so elaborately and realistically), it's going to be pretty hard to get that image out of my head, and it's not something I'm attracted to.

^Agreed. For me it is that simple too.

I don't hate/dislike drag queens as people, but I'm not turned on by a guy who loves to do himself up as a woman. I know many, many straight guys who are not at all attracted to female bodybuilders-- to me it's kind of the same idea.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

To answer the original question, there are a number of reasons gay men might not be turned on by drag queens: for some, it's because they don't like women, and don't like anything that looks or acts like a woman, and are even offended that anyone would so "demean" themselves by imitating a woman; then there are those who have struggled to align their experience of homosexuality to their peers' views on homosexuality... you don't feel like a woman, but your friends and family are convinced that homosexuals all act like women, and this causes gender anxiety that often expresses itself as misogyny; and then there are those with the dreaded internalized homophobia, who don't want to be associated in public to anything they consider too gay.

But I think think the overwhelming majority of men who aren't into drag queens simply have a strongly internalized concept of masculinity and what behaviors qualify as masculine. People who are turned on by what they consider masculine characteristics will of course not be turned on by someone who does not display those characteristics. Just as someone who is turned on by boots will not be attracted by someone wearing sandals. There is no judgement, the boot-fetishist would probably be more likely to consider the sandal-wearer if he put on some boots, it's just a matter of what attracts us.

For myself, I didn't meet all that many men who weren't into drag queens, back in the day when I was doing drag and dating. Sometimes they'd be put off by it as an idea, but once they got to know me, it wasn't an issue. I was massively effeminate back then, so I wouldn't really get to the "hello" stage with someone who was turned off by femininity; and I spent my time among people who liked drag shows and drag queens. A lot of men who got to know me were surprised that I wasn't a big drama-queen, that even as effeminate as I was, I wasn't shrill. I think that's the thing that men find less attractive, the drama and the shrillness that is often associated with drag.

Anyway, if you're a drag queen wondering why guys are turned off by drag queens, ask yourself this: are you attracted to drag queens? Why or why not? I am, and always was, it's one of the reasons I got into it; but I actually encountered more prejudice toward the idea of dating a drag queen among drag queens: "bumping purses," they called it, or "drag-dykes." So think about that, and if you do find drag queens attractive, go after them instead of the men who don't like drag.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

gsdx, I'm afriad your assertation is incorrect. Just as there are Asians who are racist against Asians, blacks who are racist against black, and women who fundamentally hate women, there are gay men who are homophobic. This is well documented and common among every segment of society.

As noted in my quote which you have selected, I reference men who dress gay, not like females. You immediately assume gay and female are synonymous. They are not. Men can dress "gay" without venturing into the womens department of the clothing store.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

A few years ago I played pool on a gay pool league and one of our subs was a drag queen (he'd get pissed if you called him a drag preformer).Anywho, I got to know him fairly well and would occasionaly see him with a group of drag queens that he knew (in drag and street, with coresponding characters). These are decent enough guys, but I just see drag as a "scene" (no disrespect), kinda like the leather community, I've got nothing against it, but my limited experience with, and knowledge of, the drag scene makes me say "no thanks, but I'll have a drink with ya' and shoot the shit"
It just don't give this dog a bone.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by The Fly

A few years ago I played pool on a gay pool league and one of our subs was a drag queen (he'd get pissed if you called him a drag preformer).Anywho, I got to know him fairly well and would occasionaly see him with a group of drag queens that he knew (in drag and street, with coresponding characters). These are decent enough guys, but I just see drag as a "scene" (no disrespect), kinda like the leather community, I've got nothing against it, but my limited experience with, and knowledge of, the drag scene makes me say "no thanks, but I'll have a drink with ya' and shoot the shit"
It just don't give this dog a bone.

I think this is kind of a good point people don't really think about. I think sometimes the gay community can be a little bit bubble visioned and inwards looking, and people forget that stuff like being a leather daddy or a drag queen is kind of like... a sexual lifestyle choice. Maybe people don't want their sexuality to be a lifestyle choice. When you look at straight couples, the great bulk of them are just... couples. They didn't get together because one was a dominatrix and the other was a sex slave who hooked up on craigs.

I would say I am "that" kind of gay guy.. i just want to meet another guy who is into guys, I don't want a special code or hand signal or lifestyle to accompany it, I want nice and vanilla. That's not meant as a dis, a hate, or a homophobia against anyone who does things differently, anymore than some straight person is a "hater" because she doesn't want to marry a guy who goes out everynight in a latex gimp suit. I think the gay community in general is WAY too fast to call different preferences or different comfort levels "internalized homophobia" and I think it goes way too far sometimes.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Orlandude

All the drag queens I've ever known were all strict bottoms so, being a bottom myself, I never had an interest in them sexually. Friends yes, relationship no. The fact that they do drag is irrelevant. The fact that all the ones I've known are bottoms, is relevant. Sadly, I've never met a drag queen who was a top.

PMSL Here in the UK things must be very different. Many drag queens here are tops or versatile. And invariably well hung for some reason.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

It's more than just the appearance, it's the lifestyle. A drag queen likes to go out to the bars and clubs or other social events in drag. Their drag social circles build off of a lot of the bar scene, which is an environment I don't care for. I'm also not interested in having a boyfriend that feels he needs to perform when we go out. I think drag queens are great, but I have no interest in my boyfriend "acting like a diva" in front of me. Also, I'm sensitive about eye brows, and a lot of drag queens have to permanently shape their eyebrows into unnatural shapes that also affects their real, physical appearance.

Their femininity doesn't bother me. I'll date a feminine guy. Besides, I know a lot of them are great in bed.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by Idablows

There you have what? Once again, drag queens are in drag for a few hours a week. They're men outside of drag where they spend more than a majority of their time. Unless I misread the thread and it was asking if you would date a man IN drag, I don't see how a gay man would confuse a drag queen with a woman.

I could be friends with a drag queen, in or out of drag. Unfortunately I wouldn't be attracted to one or want to date one. I just wouldn't have the same interests as someone who enjoys dressing up in drag. It's just not my cup of tea. I can't help it. Perhaps I'm too square or something.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

I'm not turned off. I find them entertaining. My good friend actually dresses in drag every year with his father. He's Italian, tall, nice build, really low voice, and has a very thick Brooklyn accent I guess meeting him is what made me somewhat embrace it.

Originally Posted by Saybrooke

I was at the gym once, and this woman was on the elliptical next to me, making motorcycle noises.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

Originally Posted by LeicsDom

PMSL Here in the UK things must be very different. Many drag queens here are tops or versatile. And invariably well hung for some reason.

It isn't that different here....I knew alot of them and the majority I knew were tops/versatile. Maybe people stereotype more here in the US...we still have alot of that "spirit". There is alot of gender/role bias in both the straight and gay world.

Re: Why are gays so turned off by drag queens?

The image of a drag queen reinforces the publics image of all gay men being effeminate.
I know people will shout down that attitude, but it takes a lot of shaking.
Some of these DQs are simply ridiculous in their over exaggerated presentations.
It is a live and let live world but my personal preference is for a full on masculine experience.