Hey.

Mar 23 Nothing really mattress

One of those days that is irritating from the second you wake up. I say irritating, because when I really think about it, it's not a bad day. I know what a bad day is, it's a death of a loved one, a serious accident, or losing something really special. I've had some of these days, but luckily for me, they are few and far between.

Today, I woke up with messages alerting me that my email had been hacked, followed by a terrible coffee and an argument with the barista over disposable cups. Then my doctor's appointment was delayed and I had to wait two hours to see a lawyer, only to be given the wrong information about my employment dispute... again. By this point, I generally know that my day isn't going to miraculously turn around, I'm not going to find a bag of money or get a great compliment. My bad luck tends to come in clusters and I'm okay with that. I'm figuring out exactly how the universe interacts with me, and it's kind of a relief.

So when I dropped my phone (for approximately the 2500th time), of course the screen cracked. I have had 5 iPhones, and have never cracked a screen, but today, despite having a case and a screen protector on, it hit the concrete and it was done. Any other day I might have really been upset, but today it just didn't phase me. When I have a "bad day" it gives me the best opportunity to exercise gratitude. Every less than perfect thing that happens allows me to think of all the ways it could have been worse. I'm grateful for access to the luxuries like coffee, affordable healthcare and free legal advice. Despite this, I'm always expecting the worst. It sounds dark, but whatever, after almost 25 years, I know how this shit works.

I tried to explain to Gordon why I wasn't sad about my phone, I told him that today it just didn't matter. He struggled to understand my jumbled explanation. I said "this is how my life works, this is what the universe has set out for me today". Less than 5 minutes later we drove past this.