A lifetime's journey to be honest, open-minded and willing

Tribute to Rocky’s Bru (for the Sept 2 hits & people)

***This was a comment sent to the Rocky’s Bru post of “The six million dollar man” on Sept 4; for mentioning this blog in an earlier post and helped to create new possibilities here.***

Was going to tell you a bit about the Hits at my site two days after it was mentioned here.

But when I saw the figures you were quoting here – of Unique Visitors, and figures in millions … well, might be better to keep quiet:-)

I’ll have to mention this anyway, besides saying Thanks; `puny’ as these might be in comparison.

Before Sept 1, my site had managed 282 hits over 19 days. Was not too bothered, for I’m a newbie. And the topic and theme – well, it isn’t exactly of the “mass communications” category that will naturally attract people. Writing about politics, entertainment, sports etc would help get the crowd, if that’s what one wants.

It was `just’ a personal blog for my needing an outlet to leave a trace in this life of “I was here”; of “for the record”.

It was/is also to be sort of a “will” or “legacy” for those closest to me when I’m gone. I had told a niece (and a close friend, DavidR) about this, and had planned to have private pages with passwords.

I had instructed her to mention about this blog, the private pages, my purpose and intent etc to my children, (estranged) wife and those closest; should I die first.

These are among the people whom I owe a lot of amends to; they are the most important people whom I need to seek forgiveness from for all the wrongs that I had done; for all the things that I should have done…

It was/is not to be a place for me `to preach’ or to lecture. Rather, it is a place for me “to write for me”.

This sounds a bit confusing, but I feel you understand. It’s this fact that writing helps to crystalise our thoughts.

It also allows us to look deeper and more thoroughly inside our own selves for the answers to various questions; and then having these in tangible form.

The Malays/Muslims say this as Kenali diri sendiri: Knowing thyself … of really knowing who you are (“really” can also be placed after “you”).

But anyway, about the hits: In two days, it went to 4,455 (from 282). Yes, that’s chicken-feed as compared to the regularly heavy-traffic sites like here and Dr Mahathir’s.

But I really want to mention this one: it has brought me into contact with others again. Now, I can no longer lurk in the shadows, and remain in a rut. And possibly to slide back. It’s the cue to move on and truly re-join society.

And I am satisfied to know that this episode has opened up a few possibilities to explore. Plus the realisation that I could actually be of help to others.

And it works the other way too, of course – of the potential for “positive inter-dependency”.

I am still learning, still “trying to understand”. And wanting to always have the energy and will inside to keep on striving towards things that we know are for the better.

At the same time, while knowing that I’m not perfect – something that I never was and never will be – I could still help others, regardless of this imperfection!

And the wonderful thing is that, others similarly imperfect, and even possibly with severe flaws to boot, could still help me in many ways!

Yes, this can be a “Win-Win” for everyone involved, as the past two days have shown.

I’ve come to know of quite a number of others who suffer(ed) similar situations as I did/do, and who aspire for the same goodness – people from different walks of life, different races, religions, cultures and political affiliations.

These are all encouraging indeed. So Thanks again, Ahirudin, for helping to pave the way for me.