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Monterey weekend: LeMons again?

August 14, 2010

A Pontiac Aztek with the tent accessory at the Concours d'LeMons. Photo by MARK VAUGHN

As we wandered the grounds of the Concours d'LeMons, chief class judge Jay Lamm--on his way to scrutineer the AMC Pacer class--saw us and yelled, “Hey, wanna be a judge?” We are guessing that sort of thing never happens at the Pebble Beach Concours d'Elegance. But we could be wrong.

Despite (OK, because of) awful reviews and a truly terrible selection of the worst cars ever foisted on the buying public, the Concours d'LeMons returned for a second time, warts and all. Mostly warts.

The event is a celebration of the worst of the worst of automobiledom--the failures, the flops, the fluted flatulence of the car industry. Models that no one wanted to sign off on but that everyone was afraid to say were ugly, stupid or ill-designed, so the car companies made them and poured them into dealerships to rust away unsold and unloved on lots across America.

Why celebrate ugliness with a concours? Why not?

The usual classes for postwar Pintos, Rueful Britannia and Unmitigated Gaul (French cars, get it?) were bolstered by tributes to the minivan and the SUV, the latter represented by a stellar barn-lost 2002 Pontiac Aztek complete with the tent. Rear-engine cars were also honored in two classes, Ass-Engine Sled, Hessien and Ass-Engine Sled, Non-Hessien. But that wasn't all.

An AMC Pacer at the Concours d'LeMons. Photo by MARK VAUGHN

Just like the Quail, A Motorsports Gathering held down canyon the day before, LeMons this year featured a tribute to motorsports. Strangely enough, neither Sir Stirling Moss nor American racing hero Dan Gurney--both of whom were honored elsewhere in the greater Monterey area this week--showed up. Nor did any Bugatti Type 35 race cars once driven by the Count of Monte Cristo. Instead, LeMons paid tribute to the great race cars of the 24 Hours of LeMons, the series for cars costing less than $500 (“It's not just an oxymoron, it's a breeding ground for morons.”) Our favorite was the Faster Farms entry, which not only featured the two Foster Farms chickens hanging onto a NASCAR-style wing, but played an audible clucking chicken charge at the click of the owner's key fob.

The minivan display featured a shortened first-gen Volkswagen van and a half-size mockup of a Pontiac Trans Sport. Or maybe it was an Olds Silhouette, who knows?

Despite the threat it no doubt poses to Pebble, no legal action has been taken to try and stop it, so look for a third installment next year. Start searching junkyards and eBaymotors now. You have 12 months to find your own personal Worst of Show contender.

Watch video from the Concours d'LeMons:

Mark Vaughn
- After slumming in Europe five years covering F1 etc. Mark Vaughn interviewed with Autoweek at the 1989 Frankfurt motor show has been with us ever since because no one else will take him. Anyone?
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