Banned! Bloomberg Flushes Big Soda in New York

New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg is taking on his most carbonated enemy yet: Big Soda. The New York Timesreports that Bloomie—who’s already outlawed cigarettes, transfats, and non-awkward photos with Mr. Met—is proposing a ban the “sale of any cup or bottle of sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces.” But wait! There are just as many exceptions to this rule as their are grams of sugar in a typical sweetened drink larger than 16 fluid ounces.

“it would not extend to beverages sold in grocery or convenience stores”

“The ban would not apply to drinks with fewer than 25 calories per 8-ounce serving, like zero-calorie Vitamin Waters and unsweetened iced teas, as well as diet sodas.”

The ban would not affect “vending machines or newsstands that serve only a smattering of fresh food items”

“Corner stores and bodegas would be affected if they are defined by the city as ‘food service establishments.’”

Your days in New York are numbered, 17 oz., high-calorie, non-fruit, non-dairy, non-alcoholic drinks sold in ‘food service establishments’ other than grocery stores, convenience stores, vending machines, newsstands, and certain corner stores and bodegas.