Category: Meat

I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. I’m a Spalding Gray in a Rick Dees world. When will I learn? The answers to …

Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot to discuss. After all, you are a client. Finding a needle in a haystack isn’t hard when every straw is computerized. I’m partial to air conditioning. Oh I beg to differ, I think we have a lot …

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. …And the fluffy kitten played with that ball of string all through the night. On a lighter note, a Kwik-E-Mart clerk was brutally murdered last night. That’s why I love elementary school, Edna. The …

Well, how’d you become king, then? Well, Mercia’s a temperate zone! I dunno. Must be a king. The Knights Who Say Ni demand a sacrifice! What… is your quest? Burn her anyway! Now, look here, my good man. What do you mean? Camelot! Burn her! We want a …

OK, this has gotta stop. I’m going to remind Fry of his humanity the way only a woman can. Hey! I’m a porno-dealing monster, what do I care what you think? Ah, computer dating. It’s like pimping, but you rarely have to use the phrase “upside your head.” …

Not tricks, Michael, illusions. Really? Did nothing cancel? Bad news. Andy Griffith turned us down. He didn’t like his trailer. There’s only one man I’ve ever called a coward, and that’s Brian Doyle Murray. No, what I’m calling you is a television actor. Mr. F He’ll want to …

But with the blast shield down, I can’t even see! How am I supposed to fight? Don’t be too proud of this technological terror you’ve constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force. I want to come with you to …

A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow…and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to bad people. Kids, kids. I’m not going to die. That only happens to …