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Muslim veils to feature wearer’s picture

An historic compromise has been reached to allow Muslim women to continue to wear the niqab or full veil while still showing their face. Under plans to emerge after emergency discussions between the Prime Minister and the Muslim Council of Great Britain, Islamic women can still opt to keep everything but their eyes covered, but a photo of their face will be printed onto the veil.

‘Let’s be under no illusions. This is an historic breakthrough,’ said Tony Blair. ‘I really think we have found a Third Way on veils. Islamic law will continue to be respected, but now everyone can see who they are talking to, giving less ammunition to anti-Islamic extremists like Robert Kilroy Silk or Jack Straw.’

Production of the picture veils has already started, and Islamic women have already been enquiring if the photos have to be recent, or if they can use more flattering pictures from fifteen years ago. The image printed on the niqab will also give the wearer the opportunity to convey what sort of a mood they are in on any given day. ‘Muslim women will be able to buy themselves a variety of veils, one with a smile on the front for when they are feeling happy, or perhaps one with a more pensive expression for reading the Koran’ said the Prime Minister. ‘But then say they were going to a funeral, they might want to choose a veil with the big sad face on it,’ he added helpfully.

If initial trials of the new veils prove successful, the government hinted that it might be possible to further aid communication by introducing niqabs with moving mouth-parts operated by a long stick which is attached to the chin of the picture. ‘That was John Prescott’s idea’ said the PM. ‘At least, it was John Prescott’s face on the veil, but come to think of it, maybe someone was just winding me up.’