Why the blog name? Well, I have a medical condition called PCOS which makes it REALLY hard to get pregnant. My hubby and I have been trying for 7 years. Being overweight adds to the difficulty, so I've decided it's going to change. This is the 'truth' about my weight loss struggle. I WILL lose the weight...no matter how long it takes, I am committed to becoming a 'better' person and a skinnier one at that...for my health, happiness, and general overall well being.

My Counters

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

1- On Plan: I ate WAY too much. B: Banana, 1/2 Cup Shredded Wheat w/skim milkS: Broccoli w/lite ranch dressingL: Nachos w/cheeseS: Banana, Apple, Broccoli, Carrots, Trail Mix, Nachos w/cheeseD:Chicken w/Four Cheese Potatoes2- Water Only had 4 diet cokes which is a good thing for me, considering that we are broke until next week and I can't afford to buy more...I'm rationing...good for the diet3- Exercise: Only exercise I did today was walking to the dumpster which is about 9 townhouses up the hill...so not a big exercise day...it was rainy and dreary, even snowed a little today although it didn't stick.4- Productivity: Can we say I was VERY lazy today? Took a 2 hour nap with my hubby, then woke up and played on the computer/internet for hours! Then ran to the bank and was going to pick up some cat litter but their machines were down, so I came home, did a couple loads of laundry and cleaned up a little bit, took some garbage up to the dumpster, but I am quit dissappointed in my activity levels today....it was my day off I spent the majority of it on my fat a#$. I should put I shocked my husband as I did 4 loads of laundry today and even got them hung up in the closet and folded and put away in the drawers (my usual is just to leave them in the clothes baskets...I'm lazy what can I say?)

Daily Summary: It was my day off...I was very lazy, I didn't watch a ton of TV, but did watch Criminal Minds and then about 1/2 of CSI New York, where I fell asleep in my chair and woke up around 1:00am then went up stairs, I feel horrible as I left my dog Shellie outside, from about 9pm till 1am and it was VERY VERY cold last night, and since she's not an outside dog she doesn't have any shelter outside to keep her warm I had a hunger that would NOT die today, I felt like no matter how much I ate I was still hungry.

Quick Question for my readers? What do you do when you have those days where you just can't get enough to eat, no matter what you do? I tried sipping on water, drinking peppermint herbal tea, munching on vegetables. It just seemed like I wanted to keep shoveling crap in my mouth. How do you keep the hungry monster at bay?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

1- On Plan:B: Onion Bagel w/cream cheeseS: Broccoli w/lite ranch dressingL: Chicken BLT Salad w/ranch dressingS: Celery w/peanut butterD: Grilled Salmon Patty, Mixed Veggies, Small Baked Potatoe2- Water I did reasonably well but I still drank too many diet cokes.3- Exercise: 15 Minutes on Elliptical while watching TV4- Productivity: I put a yes and no on this one as I did better than usual, but still watched TV. This was a hard one as the NCIS TV Shows were on, but what I did was worked on folding laundry while watching them, and on commercials worked on picking up things, load of dishes etc, which is a lot more productive that my usual.

Daily Summary: Today I drank a lot more water as I was using the Crystal Lite powder mixins, but I still drank too much Diet Coke, weigh in today was up, which is no big surprise with the free for all weekend I had, so I am gonig to stay on track this week so I can lose it again! Sometimes I think my body subconsciously does not want to get below 200# either that or I have some bigtime fear of doing so which I do not understand as it seems like everytime I get within range (5# to go) I sabotage myself...but I WILL do this. The thigh seam on my scrub pants started to split today...luckily my mom owed me some scrubs for my birthday so I begged her to take me to walmart as I live 30 minutes away so it's not just like I can run home quick and change. This has me to thinking I need to do something about my "Sims" thunder thighs (I get them from my dad's side of the family I think). As this is the 2nd pair of pants I have split in a week!

Monday, September 28, 2009

Well I decided that I would start keeping track today, since this weekend was my birthday and I wasn't exactly very on plan, as hubby spoiled me big time! And I know I have mega water gain because of it, so I would have been posting a bunch of no's, but I am back on track. So here goes nothing...On Plan Exercise: Water: Breakfast: Onion Bagel w/cream cheeseSnack: Broccoli & Celery dipped in light ranch dressingLunch: Garden Salad, Roast Beef/Swiss Grilled SandwichSnack:Dinner:Exercise: 30 Minute Walk with my dog (ever tried walking a dog that is in heat? NO the funnest of times...she's wearing a cloth diaper but had a couple boys who thought that she needed a boyfriend....she's getting spayed about a month after she finishes her heat cycle....not only does she have health issues, but I don't think I would like to pass on her OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder and Hyperactivity to her puppies, I don't think I could live with myself :P.I will come back after dinner to finish posting. I have decided to start over with the FLY Lady thing, I started and did well for about 2 or 3 weeks, then let stress and depression get in my way of keeping up with things. But I'm once again tired of living in CHAOS, and am going to do something about it. We have decided we have a fork monster that is hiding all our forks, we only have about 4 that are in the drawer right now...

Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence. -Helen Keller-----"Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success."-----There are many fears in the minds of man, but none so subtle, yet so effectual, as fear of failure.

We are so afraid we've been unwise and wasted valuable time and it makes us wonder how many times we've failed those who depended upon us, and how many times we've failed ourselves.

Time seems too short to make up and overcome the things long past. It seems sometimes that opportunities are there and gone before we've had time to make use of them. We condemn ourselves so much for the lack of knowledge when we most needed it. But if decisions were made on afterthought, they might not be as wise as those made quickly, without time to think.

We should no longer think about past failures, nor give undue thought to our chances for future ones, but only begin now to do the very best we can.

True failure comes only to those who stop trying, for no age, no time, no place can stop the person who decides to try one more time. As Frederick William Farrar, English author, has written, "There is only one real failure in life that is possible, and that is, not to be true to the best one knows."

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I do better when I have to be accountable so therefore I am starting another 'personal' challenge (personal as because I suck at organizing and keep up with a bigger challenge, I can participate but not manage one), this time I am going to stick with it, I think this is the 3rd or 4th one I have started this year and so far have remained the same except for the Biggest Chooser Challenge (Over at Choosing 2 Lose--Awesome Weight Loss Forum) where I am down 11# + FINALLY! Well I had a goal last year/new years to be at my goal of 150# by 2010, well seeing as how that's 50# away I don't think there is anyway I will make that in 3 months, I would have to lose 16.67# a month, which could happen but I don't want to set my goal too high. So I am going to shoot for 30# which will be a 10# loss each month until Jan 1st.That will put me at 175#, and 25# away from my ultimate goal. I AM going to do this!

I am TIRED of getting winded just walking up the small hill to my mailbox/dumpster, I am TIRED of waking up each morning in pain from my joints because I have extra weight on them, I am TIRED of having NO energy because I am fat, I am tired of splitting my scrub pants on my thunder thighs, I'm TIRED of wearing out my thighs on my pants because my flabby thunder thighs rub together then I walk, I want a thigh gap! And last but not least, I am tired of having empty arms! I do not know if my lack of conception is due to my weight or my hubby's weight or not but I'm sure it's not helping. I want a baby! I'm DONE With FAT gosh dangit!

I am a big time list person so I hope you don't mind my list of how I am going to accomplish this goal of mine.

I will do the following to reach goal:1- Stay on Plan (Tips on how I am going to do that) a- Prepare breakfast/lunches for work night before including snacks 1- Eat Healthy Snacks NO MORE Bags of dorritos2- Drink more water than Diet Coke/Coke Zero3- Exercise at least 30 minutes 5 times a week 1- Walking 2- Walk At Home DVD's 3- Elliptical Machine 4- Crunch/Squats/Lunges Challenge (200)4- Limit couch/tv/internet time, be active in some way whether cleaning/scrapbooking/sewing/playing with dogs/cats/chinchillas or whatever NO Addiction to TV1- Get home from work by 7pm, work on dinner and cleaning until hubby leaves for work around 9pm then spend an hour unwinding with tv/internet then prepare and go to bed at 10pm.

Since this is a Christmas Challenge for me here are my trackers: No YesI will POST my status each day/week to keep track of how things are going.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

It is a COLD day, had to pull out a jacket, we are starting to get freezes here....I HATE living in Utah some times. Before long we will have snow on the ground UGH! My legs/joints are so stiff and sore because of the drastic weather changes here, we were in the upper 80's last week. I hate it! It wreaks havoc on my bones. I was slightly disappointed in my weigh in this morning not even a pound loss...but hey it was TOM so I guess I should be grateful it wasn't my normal 5# water gain. I haven't been exercising as 'hard' this week as I was having issues with my legs and potassium, but I got me some bananas, and have been eating baked potatoes and they seem to be doing better so I'm going to kick it back into gear. The new TV season has started, and I did exercise a little yesterday while watching some tv, I was using my elliptical machine. I'm going to have to work hard not to become a vegetable on the couch this tv season, I am an ADDICT to many shows....CSI NY, Miami, Vegas, NCIS, The Closer, The Mentalist, Numbers, Two and a half men, Cold Case...this list could go on and on....but I am going to make it a goal to be active while watching TV whether it be exercising on my elliptical or working on websites or stuff on my laptop, and not just veg, it is also my 'weak' point for eating mindlessly so will have to keep that in check too.

Oh and found out today my dog, Shellie (golden retriever) has a bladder infection, we put her in doggie daycare and all the boys were going NUTS trying to hump her, so I pulled her out and checked her thinking she was coming into heat, nope she has blood in her urine, this will be her 3rd bladder infection and she turns 1 tomorrow. She has a recessed vulva so we are wanting her to come into heat so it swells and pushes it out so she's not as prone to infections, sorry if TMI. She's my special girl she also has Diabetes insipidus (can't concentrate her urine) so has to have injections twice a day.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I am such a bad blogger lately! I must apologize for that. I have been mega stressed with work, had to let someone go (first person I have ever fired by myself) and that was really sucky! But it was long overdue. Things already are running smoother, I am not wondering whether or not we will be lucky enough to be graced with her presence each day. (she had MEGA attendance issues). Anyways it's nice not to have to worry about it any longer, it was really stressing me out...As for the weight loss goes, I have lost 12# in the last 2-3 weeks, right now I am a little stalled as it is TOM and I always gain water weight then. I'm proud of myself at work instead of just sitting around, my brother and I set up a 55 gallon tank that's been sitting around for over a year in our cat room, it's gonna look so cool when it's all said and done, I will post pictures. I *might* be getting 2 chinchillas (adorable little soft as heck critters). They are up for adoption cage, supplies and all and they are 'rare' colors so are normally over $100 each plus the cage and supplies...just have to convince hubby that we need them :) ...which I am working on...he's almost there....Here are some pictures of them right now there names are Snowball and Dexter, I am thinking of Snowball and Midnight or Salt and Pepper :) Snowball is a Pink White and Dexter is a Black Velvet for their colorings.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Today's post is going to focus on remembering why I am losing this weight...or attempting too....It was an afternoon in July 2008, when I had just gotten home from shopping at Walmart and Harmons, I bought a lot of junk food, and it exhausted me just bringing in all the groceries. Then I went to put on my 'lounge' pants and split the seam on the thighs...that was my defining moment, the moment that made me say, enough is enough, and the moment that changed my life. I decided then and there that I HAD to do something about it. Granted my journey so far this year hasn't been all that it should/could be, but I am focusing on the future, not the past, I am doing pretty good this week, losing weight well and exercising each day. I am losing this weight for better health, for a chance at conceiving (hopefully...if that's in the cards for my hubby and I and God's will). Also so that slight exercise won't wind me and make me exhausted, stiff and sore....such as walking up the street to pick up the mail.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

On Plan: Water: Exercise:***Warning....I'm kind of verbose today*** :) Woot Woot! No frownie faces yet! I have had such an incredible amount of stress this week, I think it's a test to see if I will break my diet. Today I broke down in the bathroom at work and cried for 30 minutes. The business that I love and have put a lot of effort and my life into is struggling to stay above water. It breaks my heart. We are trying to turn things around but it's looking very bleak. Then we have a little adoption kitten who was pulled from the shelter with a fractured leg, we surgically repaired it (put a metal pin in it) and about 5 days after we got him he started getting sick, he has a respiratory infection, but it's extremely severe and with pneumonia, so he has been on deaths bed for a week. Here is his picture, these were taken the day we got him before his surgery. He has been severely dehydrated and hasn't eaten on his own since last Friday...we are giving him subcutaneous fluids, medications for his infection/pneumonia and putting drops up his nose to clear it out so he can smell so he can eat. He is also on a heating pad. He is improving today though, I thought we were going to lose him yesterday, he went hypothermic on us (temp 95) and was barely responsive. But he's looking better today, and even purred. Poor little guy has lost a lot of weight. Sorry for going on about him...animals are my life....next to my husband....I have a lot of compassion for special needs animals.

I was so depressed about the business, and the kitten, I was having an incredibly hard time, Hubby told me that I should pray to help take some of the 'doomsday' feelings away, and I did, it helped throughout the day. Now mind you I am the one who served 18 months on a religious mission, not my hubby, he is a convert to our church, and he is such a strong man, he is always the one who has to remind me to talk to my Heavenly Father. I was able to stay more focused on positive aspects of the business and get work done better, I was efficient this afternoon...depsite everyone deciding to show up at once right before my lunch break. I am quite proud of the fact that I was able to stay on plan as usually at the first sign of stress, I start eating badly. So far so good. (It helps that we are broke beyond broke right now so I can't rush to walmart to pick up junk food.....lol) I think I have 2 more days on the detox drink, my tongue is still slightly white, that's what they say to use as an indicator. I am proud of myself though instead of coming home and sitting on the couch with my laptop I did some cleaning in the kitchen and organized the 'dog' corner (where we keep all their stuff etc.)Food Intake: B Green Smoothie, Detox Drink, 1 Apple L: Detox Drink, Green Apple, Garden Salad w/tuna, carrots w/low carb dressing D: Detox Drink, Garden Salad (Grilled Chicken, Cucumbers, Olives, Cheese, Romaine Lettuce) w/low carb dressing, Steamed Broccoli Snacks: Green Bell Peppers, Cucumbers, Detox Drink, Celery **Detox Drink Lemon Juice/Maple Syrup/Cayenne Pepper **Green Smoothie: Parsley, Ginger, Pineapple, Honey, Water, SplendaExercise:30 Minutes Walking with my dog

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I am going to start using a 'checks n balances' type system as I am a nut :) I am going to start keeping track of my days with my little smilies:Yes:No: On Plan: Water: Exercise:Well for as stressful as today was, I did amazingly well.....it was a VERY long day at work 15 hours altogether including commute time (I'm on salary so no overtime :( . My only dog I groomed today was a Schnauzer who had bad teeth and arthritis so she really didn't want to be groomed too badly, they wanted her face shaved and it was causing her pain.....so she was a battle to groom. We had an emergency come in at 6pm (closing time), it was a Shih Tzu newborn puppy who was born with it's intestines outside it's body, then the mom was having complications so we had to assist her with the delivery, we were able to poke everything back in and sew the puppy at, it has a 50/50 chance of making it. I was there until 9pm. Which totally stressed me out as the people were there from 6pm on waiting for my dad (vet) to get there as he was teaching school, puppy was not in immediate danger so I stabilized it, then we waited for him to get there at 8pm, Rob has to leave for work by 8:30...it takes 23minutes for him to get to work and right now we only have 1 car....so that was MEGA stressing me out. But he woke up with a bad belly so called in sick to work today...that eased my mind. I walked with my dog, Shellie in our doggie daycare room at work since I figured it was gonna be a late night.....30 minutes. So that was my 'bonus' for the day. Food Intake: B Green Smoothie, Detox Drink, 1 Banana L: Detox Drink, Green Apple, Garden Salad w/low carb dressing D: Detox Drink, Garden Salad (Grilled Chicken, Cucumbers, Olives, Cheese, Romaine Lettuce) w/low carb dressing, 5 french fries Snacks: Green Bell Peppers, Cucumbers, Detox Drink, Popcorn **Detox Drink Lemon Juice/Maple Syrup/Cayenne Pepper **Green Smoothie: Parsley, Ginger, Pineapple, Honey, Water, SplendaExercise:30 Minutes Walking with my dog

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

This is this mornings weigh-in....UGH! What happened? I am so disappointed in myself. I have been teetering and not doing what I should do for months now, am going to get back on plan today. I am doing a 3 day detox to see if that helps jump start the losses again. Then I am going to get back on track and STAY ON TRACK. I would like to lose 30# by the end of the year. Not my 'loss' goal but it will be considerably closer than I am now. I am going to start exercising again, I must, not only for my sake, but my poor Golden Retriever is going stir crazy (which drives me crazy as well) without our daily walks. Hubby just loaded my Ipod with tons of new books so I'm set. My books of the moment are JD Robb's "In Death" series, I've listened to about 4 of them now and am hooked....Nora Roberts is one of my favorite authors. Anyways I listen to my Ipod while I am grooming, depends on the day whether I am in the mood for music or books, but it's nice to have. My hubby says I have listened to my ipod more than I ever listened to my creative player that I've had for a while. In my opinion the ipod is easier to use. Anyways getting off track here, just wanted to say I AM back on track...or getting there...hopefully no more de-railings!