Monday, September 25, 2006

Another Brit to love. I am convinced I live in the wrong country. Sigh.Visit Cath Kidsononline for lots of fab vintage inspired goodies. Items include all things decorative and lots of things functional. She even makes laundry look appealing...

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

9 months ago, Nathan and I made one of the toughest decisions of our lives to date: To leave our church for the past 9 years and forge out on our own. It was the right thing to do for many, many, many reasons. Our frustations and sadness had grown too large to carry any longer. To remain silent but present felt false and inauthentic. By Christmas we could no longer bare the weight this created. Leaving became the only answer.Even though leaving was right, it has still been hard. We have maintained all of our close relationships and still consider those people to be our social set - they are who we do life with, and for this I am eternally grateful. My heart would not have survived if not for them... Some might argue that this is enough, this community, to be considered "church." After 9 months I can say it isn't, at least not at this stage of life. My children need more, Nathan and I need more. We are a needy bunch I agree, but I can no longer apologize or feel shame for our needs, so out into the Wide World of The Modern Church we have gone. Since January most of our closest friends have also left, or are contemplating leaving. Things have not gotten better there - many might say they have gotten worse- and what is left of the church we once knew is now downsizing & "re-inventing" itself, leaving behind the building where Nathan and I were married, and where we, and all our friends, dedicated our children. I guess because of my literal and figurative close relation to the church leadership, many people ask me what I think about the current state of things, and how we are adjusting to our new church body. As you can imagine I have a lot to say about both, but I try to not hemorrhage all over people. Also, I have been stirring in the talking/dealing/grieving/healing/ repeat cycle for 9 months, and I am a little worn out on the topic. So, in response to this feeling and all the questions, I am posting the lyrics to this song by Sara Groves, as a way to sum up, for all, 'how I feel.'Painting Pictures of Egypt

I don't want to leave here I don't want to stayIt feels like pinching to me either wayThe places I long for the mostAre the places where I've beenThey are calling after me like a long lost friend

It's not about losing faith It's not about trustIt's all about comfortable When you move so muchThe place I was wasn't perfect But I had found a way to liveIt wasn't milk or honey But then neither is this

I've been painting pictures of EgyptLeaving out what it lackedThe future seems so hardAnd I want to go backBut the places that used to fit meCannot hold the things I've learnedAnd those roads closed off to meWhile my back was turned

The past is so tangible I know it by heartFamiliar things are never easy to discardI was dying for some freedom But now I hesitate to goCaught between the promiseAnd the things I know

If it comes too quick I may not recognize itIs that the reason behind all this time and sand?If it comes too quick I may not appreciate itIs that the reason behind all this time and sand?

Saturday, September 16, 2006

So lately the new shows I love the most (LAX, Related) get canned pretty early on. Or the shows I have loved for years (West Wing) have been retired or are teetering on possible last seasons (Gilmore Girls.)

Now I have found a new show, a fab show. A show that made me want more, more, more. A show not set in a law office, police house or hospital. And I would like your help in keeping it alive.

I know it is unimaginable that there might be something on Friday nights that we actually want to watch. But maybe the networks have gotten word that parents of young children are not actually out partying on Friday nights. That they are instead, maybe like Nate and I, just glad to be home after a very long week, with the kids in bed, splitting a high-priced take-out entree and a decent bottle of wine in peace and quiet. And we would like something not mind-numbing, not fear-inciting, and not- guilt inducing to watch as we eat our yummy gourmet meal in our pj's.

So please watch this Northern Exposure-esque style show and support Good TV for Grown-Up's with Brains. I thank you for your support.

(Also, if you can catch Studio 60 on Monday nights on NBC, I would appreciate that also.)

Friday, September 15, 2006

Well this week has been a little better. And I mean a little.Shall I hit the highlights? Okay, then:The Good:

1.I finished a work project that was hanging over my head like an Eyeore Rain Cloud, complete with lightening bolts and hail. Thank God it is OVER.

2. The bank account is slowly re-couping. Slowly, but surely.

3. I feel better finally.

4. I have the best friends in the world. Kudos especially to Amy, Tricia for listening and helping with my lost mind and depleted soul this week. To Kim for watching my kids when I was lost in TheProject That Wouldn't Die (i.e. #1) And to Jeanetta for being so darn creative and always there.

5. I lost 5 pounds by being sick and having no appetite.

The Bad

1. I spent more hours on the aforementioned project than I would have wanted.

2. I have to work tomorrow (being Saturday.)

3. The floors in my house could send any self-respecting person w/just a touch of OCD into treatment for weeks.

4. The bill's are coming in faster than the pay checks.

The UGLY

1. The Boys have slept in my bed the past 5 out of 6 nights. And when I say "sleep" what I mean is that they rolled and flopped on me, while moaning, crying and coughing. Or begging for Milk. Or a Hot Dog. Finally last night I instituted Bedtime BootCamp. And yes, Wylie slept with his boots on.

2. Miles flushed 1 toy down the toilet. Nathan spent 6 hours, $40, 2 trips to Lowes and our bathroom completely apart before getting the teensy tinsy boat out of the damn thing.

3. The toilet is still not working great. We fear the boat had a captain and he is still lodged somewhere down deep. The night does not look promising.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

This past week has been firmly places in the "in sickness" category for sure.Let me give you the run down:First Miles came down with a 2 year Molars/Ear Infection/Pink Eye/Common Cold combo.Next my Aunt Flo came to visit. Lovely.Then Wylie and I received a not so friendly visit from the Common Cold as well.That was followed-up by Miles' bad reaction to the antibiotics in the form of a nasty booty rash which required a daylong search for the right diaper ointment and several warm baths.All of this has been topped off by busy work lives, spilled milk on clean sheets, depleted bank accounts and a To-Do List that is growing, not shrinking, do to lost time and pounding sinus pressure. There have been moments when we felt as if a pox had fallen on our happy home.

Through it all Nathan has managed to love me and the boys extremely well; Searching the city for that dag-gum diaper ointment, cleaning the kitchen at 11 PM on a Friday night and skipping a golf tournament with his dad to see us through. Today he declared WAR on the Pox and I think he is winning. We only had one major spill, I got some sleep, the boys played catch and tonight we had a great home-cooked meal of Stuffed Peppers, Eggplant Fries and Fresh Green Beans. All I have to say is: Nathan is our leader and we will gladly follow.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

The first picture is the first day of school 2 weeks ago. The second picture is from my kitchen window today.Wylie and Nathan were playing catch and I was loading the dishwasher. It was very cool to be able to look outside and see such a Leave-it-to-Beaver sort of scene. Of course then you notice the state of our grass compared with the neighbor's grass, you will realize that we are in fact not the Cleaver's and I was not loading the dishwasher in pearls.

Our approach to the grass this summer was our approach to many, many things this summer: Why Bother, It's Just Too Damn Hot.

2 weeks ago when school started, the weather was in the 100's. It had been that way for several weeks, and I seriously lost my mind because of it. I hate to be hot. I mean, I really, really hate it. I hate it the way a 6 year old hates spinach. Seriously.

It was so hot I didn't want to exist outside of my bed. I couldn't think straight or get motivated about anything. I would find myself just sitting in front of the laptop zoned out because I was just so tired of being hot and tired. I wanted to get in bed and never get out. Why bother? I was just going to melt, I could feel it. And then I did. The Sunday after Wylie's b-day party I literally melted down. The heat combined with the stress of a 6 year olds birthday party extravaganza and other family issues put everything else that had been building (and that I had been stuffing) over the top and boom! I was an oozing sobbing mess of a gal.

So I went to therapy for a catch-up-session and it was good and bad and all things therapy is supposed to be. And I felt a little bit better. I felt some relief to have some language to talk about the things that had gotten stuffed way down in order to make room for day-to-day life. And Nathan and I started on another road of conversation and discovery and change.

But the real miracle came this past week in the form of 65-85 degree weather. Literally my heart leapt the first morning I opened the door and felt cool air. I felt giddy and alive for the first time in months.

I am a sucker for autumn. To me it is the true beginning of the year and anything is possible. New clothes, new notebooks, new bags and shoes. The promise of Halloween and Thanksgiving.. .Candy colored trees, Football games and hot chocolate and big sweaters. All the things from childhood that bring promise and the sense of anticipation. (And don't forget the many, many excuses to have parties! )

So here is to Autumn, my good friend, and her ability to remind me why I do in fact like my little life so much and it's endless possibilities.