Hi, My boyfriend and I have been living together for three years now. I am 21 and he is 24 years old. We are getting married in Oct. and we just recently found out we are having a baby. We get along great and things have been running smoothly. Until now.

When I first met him he had made it very clear to me that he was still dating others. After about a month of dating him I ended sleeping over at his house and of course we slept together. I went to work and he went out. After I got off work around midnight I realized I forgot my house key at his house. I called and called and even went to his place, but no answer. At about 5am I went to his roommates girlfriends house and got his roommates key. I went back to the place and went in. When I step in the garbage was knocked over and it was clear someone had a little party. I walked into the living room find womens sunglasses, shoes and coat. I ran out slamming the door and waking them up. I was so upset I went out of state for two days. When I returned we talked and I did realize that he had been straight with me from the first day. It still hurt for a while though. Months later I put it out of my mind and moved in with him.

But now for some reason I can't stop thinking about it. I know he has never been with anyone else since that night. I also trust him more then anyone or I wouldn't be making these big steps. But why can't I get this female out of my head? I keep picturing him with her. I keep thinking I am sleeping in the same bed that he slept with her in. Why now do I think of all this? I mean he was engaged to someone for two years before me and they slept in the same bed, that doesn't bother me. Maybe it was because it was a one night stand with this female and I think at first I thought of him as cheap and a male slut.

I am not worried he will cheat on me and I am not angry with him. I am angry that after 3 years I am still stuck on this. Any advice on how I can move past this? I need to work on what we have now and our future. I need to remove this from my every thought first.

Thanks

Since you've asked for advice on a particular issue, rather than on your relationship, I won't get into how immature and irresponsible your whole story sounds.

As for forgetting this woman your boyfriend slept with, well, I imagine you can't forget about her because you don't trust him and you haven't forgiven him. It sounds like you've made the attempt, excusing his behavior because you were aware of his playboy nature - so you have to figure out how to let go, and nagging him or becoming dependent on his constant proclamations of love for you will not help.

I suggest looking deep into your feelings and thinking about whether or not you have a problem with this woman and the past or with your present situation and the risks of the future.

Good Luck!

"X"

It seems to me that you are having second thoughts about marrying this guy and that you are mis-focusing on an "meaningless" incident from the past rather than acknowledging whatever it is that is really bugging you in the present. Cold feet are much less troubling if attributed to the trivial than if firmly grounded in reality. Something is "nagging" at you and I seriously doubt that it's a one night stand from 3 years ago, especially since you said that you HAD put it out of your mind until now.

Do not marry this guy until you resolve your misgivings! Tying the knot will not help you or your baby, if the knot becomes a noose and the noose strangles you!