Ask Sam letter

To Sam10 March 2017

I like two people

Hi Sam, I'm a bisexual girl. I'm not ready to tell people yet, but only my online friends know.

I'm in a relationship with this boy from my school, I love him and all but I think i may be developing feelings for someone else...

Me and one of my online friends have been friends for months now, we talk every day and we have so much in common even though we live in different countries. She is also a bisexual girl, like me. We have sent each other selfies before so we know what each other look like and she's honestly the prettiest girl i've ever seen. I think I have a crush on her, but I love my boyfriend too, I'm just really confused.

She's a year or two older then me but we get on so well. I love her personality and who she is and she's gorgeous but, I really don't want to ruin our friendship.

I know we could never really be in a relationship because of how far away from each other we live, but i cant help these feelings.

What do I do? I'm so confused about my feelings at the moment and I really need some advice...

Sam14 March 2017

Hi there,

No one can control who they develop feelings for. And it's not your fault if you start to develop feelings for someone else whilst you're still in a relationship. How you handle those feelings and what you choose to do is what's important. Whilst it may not be possible to make everybody happy, you can still handle things in a way which you feel you can stand by.

It is possible to love your boyfriend and feel attracted to someone else. It doesn't make you a bad person for having those feelings. It would be good to think about the difference between the feelings you have for each person - what do you like about them and what your feelings mean.

In any relationship, it's really important to be honest. And keeping feelings to yourself can make you feel more confused and isolated. If you don't feel able to talk to your friend or your boyfriend about how you feel, you could try imagining telling them and see how that feels.

Sometimes playing out scenarios in your head can help you know what it might be like to do something before you actually go through with it. A really good way to do this is to write a letter to each person as if you were telling them everything, but not send them.

I can't tell you who you should be with - but I can tell you that you that you don't need to feel guilty about the feelings you have. I hope this helps and that you work out what you want to do. Sometimes talking it through with another person can help - if you want to do that anonymously then you can with one of our counsellors.

Thanks for the letter.

Sam

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