The Magic 8-Ball helped me decide to go to college. It helped me decide what to eat as a child and it's the reason I bought a Jazz drive. It's not infallible. The Onion Answer app is the logical next step in deciding my fate with inanimate objects.

The Onion Magic Answer Ball app from the creators of The Onion returns a bit more adult answers to your queries. Ask it a questions and get responses like, "Sadly, yes," "Hell No," "Ask The Internet," "Seek Help," "Now You're Obsessing," "All Signs Point To Me Not Giving A S**t." Plus the app is pre-loaded with daily queries from The Onion staff.

If the app doesn't give you the correct answer, according to The Oinion, you're not shaking it hard enough. [iTunes via Nick Bilton]