Well, He's Coming

SUPPOSEDLY, he wants to come. Probably because he hasn't gotten his Christmas presents yet.

Wonder if he'll want to come back in 2 weeks after he gets them? Isn't it sad this is how I think of my child?

It's been 5 weeks since he's called. No return emails. No communication at all. Now, all of a sudden, today, according to the Children Services caseworker, he really really wants to come.

I'm sorry if I seem apprehensive.

I have to take the keyboard/mouse to bed with me. Can't forget my pocketbook or SO's cigarettes. I have to lock my bedroom door. difficult child 2 is now considered a thief to me. Dylan is worried he's going to steal his CD's. easy child is worried he's going to steal their video games. Very sad.

I'm not looking forward to the visit. In truth, a small part of me deep inside wished he wasn't coming. I know, that's horrible.

Janna, it sounds as if you aren't ready for difficult child 2 to have a home visit. I'm with SRL on this. Have you considered visiting with him in another place? We did that when Rob lived elsewhere. We picked him up and took him neutral places until we felt a little more confident about him being in our home. It took the pressure off worrying about our possessions and we ended up having a much better time.

<font color="blue">i agree with-the idea of visits outside your home. it keeps them time limited, would most likely be less stressful for all of you, and it certainly protects you personal items. by the way, have you consideerd locking the kids games, etc., & your mouse & keyboard in your car trunk? (keep the keyes around your neck at all times!) or maybe stash them with-a neighbor???

Janna,
I'm so sorry that difficult child 2's visit is causing you such stress. I really am hoping that all goes well and he surprises you by behaving.
It is too bad that you have to be on such high alert with your own kid.
Sending you lots of positive thoughts......
Good luck today.

I'm late, it's Saturday already, but I wanted to let you know that I hope all goes well on this visit.

It's been awhile since he's been with you guys so I'm hoping he will be grateful and happy rather than sullen and angry.

I understand the need to protect your family's possesions. I can't remember though, were there other thefts other than the cigs? I really don't remember you mentioning anything else. I can't remember you saying any of the boy's things were missing on other home visits.

Dreamer, he's stolen alot more than cigs from me once. He was actually convicted, found guilty, in court, for stealing $500 in cash from me. He's been caught stealing from convenience stores. He's stolen from other family members before. The cigarettes are just a teeny, tiny piece.

I don't really know a neutral place around us. Remember, I live in the middle of nowhere. His move has placed him about 45 minutes away from my home, where he used to live about 10. I have to meet this foster mother (who I still have yet to speak to, know anything about, or get any info from) at a 7-11 about 30 minutes from me LOL! F'ing ridiculous.

The whole situation is garbage. I don't feel like dealing with this anymore.

I hope you do find somewhere else to take him with- the other boys so that you all can concentrate on seeing each other. Even if it's going for a hike or bundling up and going to the park.

I know when we used to go over to a brother in law and sister in law's house, they would lock up their bedrooms and we had no history...never stole anything...they just did that when anyone came over and it felt very creepy, especially because their kids would say that their rooms had to be locked.

It's great he's coming because for me, the longer the time that goes by with-o doing something that I'm afraid to do, the harder it gets for me to face it. It's becomes easier to ignore it and takes courage...I hate that. And the Christmas presents are up to you...you are free to give them or not give them. You don't really know though until he asks or brings it up.

Janna - oh lady, I hope the visit is short and calm and not stressful on any of you. After our latest incident with difficult child we definitely are not comfortable with him in our home so we are going to meet at neutral sites - like a restaurant from now on. I understand you live in an isolated area but easing the stress on you and SO and kids by not having difficult child 2 in your house will be worth the drive even if it is a ways out. Since your difficult child 2 sounds so much like husband's son in terms of only "really really wanting to see you" because of Christmas presents, maybe after today's visit, a period of time will pass that will be long enough away to hopefully get some progress done on your own health - mental, spiritual and emotional. This has to be hard on you and it all just stinks.

((BIG HUGS)) Girl, hang in there. Lock everything in your car, stuff your key in your bra and hopefully the visit will be problem free. Let us know the skinny later as to what happened.

You way you feel about your difficult child 2 wanting to visit because he hasn't received his Christmas presents yet, is similar to how I feel about my difficult child 1 most of the time. My difficult child 1 thinks only about himself and has very little regard for anyone else's feelings. It is sad...
I hope your visit goes well. WFEN