Arguably
the most disappointing miniseries I’ve read in years. So much promise, so much
blah. Thank fuck it’s finished, so I can sell off the series on eBay and get
some of my hard-earned coin back. Ross is a terrible writer. Hitch’s art is
nice but passe - cinematic comics are dead, motherfucker.

4.-5. Giant-Size Sidekick #5-6 (Comic Heroes,
2013) ***¼

Writers/Artists:
various

An
always great sampling of new graphic novels and collections. The highlight
comes in #6 with a complete reprint of Gorgo
#1 (Charlton) from 1961, with art by Steve Ditko. Plus John Byrne’s Star Trek and more. I usually find
something in each issue of this free mag worth buying after I’ve read the
preview.

WHY THE FUCK DID I BUY THESE?

6.-8. Robert
Bloch’s Yours Truly, Jack The Ripper (IDW, 2010) **½

Writers:
Joe & John Lansdale/Artist: Kevin Colden

I
remember reading Bloch’s short story when I was a kid and it was both creepy
and stupid at the same time. So I bought this adaptation, then didn’t read it
for three years. The Lansdales’ story alters Bloch’s original version enough to
stretch a one-shot to three overpriced issues. It’s passable But the bigger
letdown is the scratchy, underground art by Colden. Where did they find this
clown? He’s terrible.9. Batman/Doc
Savage Special #1 (DC, 2010) ***

Writer:
Brian Azzarello/Artist: Phil Noto

The
“First Wave” pulp noir universe, incorporating the likes of Doc Savage and
Batman, should’ve been fun, which is why I really got into buying this series.
But DC blew it by weirdly setting it in the present-day (although in this
alternate universe, mankind still hasn’t flown to the moon, etc). It’s a 1940s
world but with mobile phones and CDs. Weird. That aside, this one-shot/prologue
team-up is kinda fun and Noto’s art is exquisite. But you could tell that this
new line was doomed from the start. Making Doc Savage a substitute Superman,
Batman a rookie and Jim Gordon crooked were bad moves.

Azzarello
clearly had major plans for this universe, but he failed to properly explain
what it was all about. Clearly, it’s set in the modern-day, but people act and
dress like it’s the late 1940s. Government and police corruption is rife, yet
masked adventurers are allowed to operate with near impunity. It’s an alternate
world crying out for an explanatory article at the back of the comic, but it
never comes. Instead, we’re given an over-the-top, convoluted pulpish yarn that
doesn’t make sense, featuring villains with bizarre, unfathomable motives. The
characters are all underwritten or done “wrong” – The Spirit is reduced to an
amoral clown who gets hit a lot, the Blackhawks are villains (or are they
heroes?), and other characters bought by DC are given a short shrift. The
Spirit’s assistant Ebony (now a female) is last seen digging her own grave at
the hands of the Blackhawks for no discernible reason, Commissioner Dolan is
corrupt and evil for no apparent reason, Batman doesn’t even make an appearance
till issue two and he’s depicted as a fairly unimpressive fighter, Doc Savage’s
father dies – or does he? There’s a lot here not to like. In the end, it’s all
terribly pointless and boring.

16.-27. Doc Savage #1-12 (DC, 200-11) ½*

Writers/artists:
various

If
there was ever an example of everything that could go wrong with a licensed
comic, then this is it. I bought the first 12 issues of this awful series (it
limped on to #17 before being mercifully axed), but I’ve only finally got
around to reading it. Clearly, my sixth sense was telling me something three
years ago. This updating of the Doc Savage mythology fails on every level. The
first four issues is poorly written by supposed modern pulp writer Paul
Malmont, positioning Savage and his crew as victims fleeing the US after being
framed by a sinister cabal for crimes they didn’t commit. Malmont is a terrible
writer, but he’s not helped by Howard Porter, one of the most inept artists
ever to be given a major title to work on. Porter’s so shit he can’t even draw
hats properly. Seriously, a five-year-old could draw a hat better than this
dipstick. Issue five is a standalone yarn set in Greece. Writer B. Clay Moore
is better than Malmont, but that’s faint praise. Porter’s art actually gets
WORSE in this issue. Doc Savage was
floundering by this stage, which is why “First Wave” creator Brian Azzarello came
aboard with #6. Co-writing with Ivan Brandon, they craft a promising yarn where
Savage and his team (who remain woefully underwritten for the entire 12 issues)
are given the opportunity by the US military to be pardoned for their crimes if
they go into the Middle East to track down some WMDs and an old friend, long
thought dead. As Azzarello has never explained the “First Wave” world to
readers, we have to work out for ourselves that much of the Middle East is a
fiery atomic wasteland after “the last war”. Anyway, Nic Klein’s art is a vast
improvement on Porter’s retarded scribbles (he can draw hats on men’s heads for
starters). But the story soon falls apart again and makes little sense by the
end of the arc. Savage has also morphed under Azzarello’s writing from a guy
who is stronger and smarter than the average person due to decades of rigorous
training to a substitute Superman whose capabilities border on the ludicrous.
In the end, Savage shows that even death is only a minor inconvenience. Klein’s
art becomes more disjointed as the issues progress – action scenes are hard to
follow and at other times it’s left to the reader to fill in the gaps on what
really happened in a scene. I felt like my head was gonna explode by #12 and it
was a blessed relief when I realised I didn’t have to read another fucking
issue. This series is definitely not a keeper, even if JG Jones’ covers are
beautiful. The first nine issues also have a back-up feature, Justice Inc. (writer: Jason
Starr/artist: Scott Hampton). It’s kinda brutal in a Steve Ditko-kinda way, and
far more entertaining than the main feature.

28. Area
10 (Vertigo, 2010) ***

Writer:
Christos N. Gage/Artist: Chris Samnee

I
bought this graphic novel ’cos I was going through a crime noir-buying phase
and there were a lot about at this time. Also, I enjoyed Gage’s work on Avengers Academy and I rate Samnee’s art
very highly. But this B&W effort falls just short of the mark for me purely
’cos basing a quasi-supernatural yarn on trepanation – the dangerous “science”
of drilling of holes in one’s head to receive enlightenment – is stupid. And
the ending is very silly.

29.-31. Punx
#1-3 (Valiant, 1995-96) **

Writer:
Keith Giffen/Artists: Keith Giffen & Claude St Aubin

I got
this ’cos it got praised by someone – possibly Comic Heroes mag – as an
unheralded work of genius from the mid-90s. Wrong! It’s Keith Giffen doing Ambush Bug for a non-DC company. It’s
sarcastic, it spits in the eye of the comic book genre, it’s irreverent,
it’s...oh, spare me. I think the only person who believes Giffen is witty is
Giffen. As a writer, he’s shit. Punx
makes no sense – apparently there was supposed to be a fourth-and-final issue,
but the series got axed. But that didn’t stop...

32. Manga
Punx (Valiant, 1996) *

Writer:
Keith Giffen/Artist: Kevin Lau

You
have to read the comic backwards – like real manga. GEDDIT? Oh, for fuck’s
sake...

I got
this ’cos it’s drawn by Chaloner, a favourite Australian artist of mine. Sadly,
Gary’s no writer and this series is pretty bad. Plus the artwork suffers in the
final issue when he heavily relies on Gates to finish the art. Gates is no
Chaloner.

It
sounded like a cool concept – a faux Superman, Alpha One, with serious delusions
of grandeur and a desire to reshape Earth in his image, with himself as
dictator – but something got lost along the way. The ending is a giant slugfest
that makes no sense except to give Alpha One a weakness that leads to his final
defeat. Lovely art by one of my fave artists, Samnee, but I’ll chalk this
maxiseries up as a noble failure.

Mannion’s
cover art sold me on this miniseries. And I was in a horror comic-buying frame
of mind at the time.

59.-62.
CBGB #1-4 (BOOM!, 2010) **½

Writers/artists:
various

Helen
and I only visited CBGB once – when we visited New York in 2005, a few months
before it closed. To be honest, I never went in, I told Helen to check it out.
When she did, she said there were some scary people sitting inside, so she
turned around and went out again. That was our CBGB experience. Boring, huh?

Anyway,
when I saw this comic, it sounded fun, so I bought the miniseries.

Reading
it now, I find the comic disjointed and very patchy (as all anthologies are).
The only story that I particularly liked was the abbreviated-but-passionate bio
of CBGB covered in “A NYC Punk Carol” (writer: Kieron Gillen/artist: Marc
Ellerby). It’s a shame none of the other short pieces in the four issues
approached this first strip for its intensity and explicit love for CBGB and
everything it stood for. Another noble failed effort.