Tag Archives: boredom

But I make no apologies. I’m bored and blogging somewhat relieves that boredom. Shurrup.

So, it’s only now that I’m finding myself in my bedroom without my desk that I’m realising how essential a desk is in a bedroom.

My room up North is too small for one. But I need my desk. Ironically, when I was at school – particularly that last year of school – I used to hate the thought of having to sit down at my desk and ‘do work’. I used to think of work as a chore (hell, I still will at uni no doubt), hence why I used to do a lot of my homework sitting cross-legged on my bed, like how I am sitting now.

But I think that’s the problem – we associate different things with different places. I used to think desk = schoolwork, therefore I preferred to steer clear of my desk. However, now it has become bed = the place where I sit all day chatting online/tumblring/blogging/youtubing, and because of this I am craving some other creative space. Somewhere to make things with glue and patterned paper and glitter, somewhere to write, somewhere to organise myself…

In this respect, I really want to get back down to my room at CH and sort out my books and things on that huuuuuuuge desk of mine. Of course there are many other reasons that I want to return too – the people, the parties, the foooood, the getting-away-from-here part of it all… 🙂 Yeah, I’ve fully convinced myself. Adelaide was never an option for me, and I don’t really see the point in doing a half-year transfer to Auckland. In my opinion, it’s probably best to get back down to Chch asap so that some form of normality can begin to take shape. My grades will otherwise likely be screwed, if not already after that first psych lecture…

In other news, it’s raining. A lot. It’s also my birthday soon. But sooner than that, I get to see you again on Weds 😀 Happyhappyhappy times! Although maybe not as happy as your time last night, heeyyyyyy? 😛 I kid! I just with I could’ve been there to witness it so I could effectively use it against you when next you accuse me of murdering my liver, hahaha.

I’m feeling Arctic Monkeys-ish:

PS. I wish I was a cat. They have the easiest, most perfect lives. And when I think of cats I think of Alex Boyd and NOW I HAVE THAT GODDAMNED CATSUIT IMAGE THING IN MY HEAD. GODDAMNIT GO AWAAAAAAAAAY. Grr. It’s just cruel that that even exists (no offense intended).

I blame my lack of activity today largely on the weather (humid, raining and gale-like – due to us catching the edge of a cyclone or something apparently). I like rain sometimes though. It gives you an excuse to do indoor-y things without feeling guilty about not being outside. But it’s always the way – when I’m given the perfect day to do my indoor-y things (like a scholarship application and timetable planning and emailing people etc), I cannot be arsed. Hence why today was so totally bleh.

ONE EXCITING THING THOUGH! I’m officially accepted into the University of Canterbury and I got into my music course (the one that was limited numbers and also first-come, first-serve?) So that was a great email to wake up to. My rough timetable has also been published on my online student area place (kinda like the university version of eKristin). Looks like I’ve got a pretty sweet deal – my earliest lecture starts at 10am and my latest finishes at 4pm 🙂

However, I am sort of…well, scared. It’s going to be so different to anything I’ve ever done before – the living away from home aspect as well as the lectures and studying. I keep finding myself imaging College House life as being similar to the music camps I used to go on back in the UK. I guess to an extent it will be, in the sense of the food hall and bathroom sharing and making friends. But I’m going to be in a room of my own. And it’s going to be hard to know when to have ‘me’ time and when to be being social and when to be studying alone or with friends or when to go to the shops and whether to go to the shops with people or alone or with people from outside College House…ASDHAJDFHJHDAFH! 😦 I’m so confused. I can’t sleep at night because of it. It’s all stupid stuff, but it’s still, well…stuff. It’s bound to be fine and it’ll all probably sort itself out once I’m there. But, I don’t know. It’s just weird trying to imagine it. Bleh.

The only other remotely interesting thing today was me attempting to learn this on violin (it was the only half-decent clip out of the two on youtube of the song, but I think you get the idea):

When I went to visit College House the Dean let me in on a little secret about the Cultural Evenings that are put on frequently by the students. Usually they get the second years to put on the first one to give us first years an idea of what to expect. But this year, us first years are being made to do the first Evening. I figure if I at least have one thing up my sleeve I can contribute a little something to the nervous first years’ effort. So that explains that.

Without going into the details, today, I confirmed my self-belief that when I’m bored, I’m stupid. Stupid as in doing things without thinking of the long-term consequences which could eventuate if the stupid thing was to be carried out over a long period of time. Just fucking mindless stupid. Actions without thoughts stupid. That kinda stupid.

But whatever. My life is boring. At the moment. Boring to me isn’t, perhaps, what boring is to most people. Boring to me is spending (I just fully broke the ‘g’ key on this broken old laptop…) too much time with myself. I like my own company if I’m doing constructive things – like making something, or blogging, or reading – but the rest of the time, not so much. Today was particularly bad. Boredom led me to talk to the wrong people. I spoke to some good people today, sure! Some guys from home I hadn’t chatted to in a while. But there are others, of course. Others with history which you know you don’t talk to for a reason but then, fucking boredom, it leads you to think it might be fun or something. To unearth buried-for-a-reason history. Well no, it isn’t. Maybe for a brief half-an-hour it is. Maybe it temporarily satisfies your needs. But in the long-run, so much more would be broken than could ever be fixed – your relationships with other people, as well as your own self-trust and sanity. So that’s why it’s stupid. Simple as.

If that was a bit of a ramble, I don’t apologise. I’m not tired, I’m not confused, I’m not going insane. I’m fine. I just happen to be stuck up here (North) for another entire 8 days. Christmas is in 3 days. I wish I got excited, but I just can’t any more. I asked my 12-nearly-13-year-old brother if he was excited today. He said he was, but not with the same lustre as kids his age should. Family arguments + nothing to do because of new house = sad people + everyone taking everything that’s wrong with their personal lives out on someone, anyone, else. This is how much fun I’m having.

I treated my down-buzz today with a lie-in to postpone having to face the day, along with watching Alex Day’s live set (shut up Haters) and, of course, talking to you (sorry I wasn’t very chirpy). More than anything, I miss you like hell. It’s been 3 days, and it’s another 8 til I see you. We’ll get through it somehow – exactly how, I don’t know – but I do know that you’re gonna get the biggest bear hug in the world when I get off that bus next Wednesday. Forgive me, but I love you 🙂

And sorry again, but I have to… When you’re not here to talk to, his face makes me smile 😀 That’s all.