Saturday, October 27, 2007

Halloween!! (basically the same post as previous Halloweens, because, really, how much is there to say?)

Here's my interpretation of what the following Halloween costumes 'reveal' about the people wearing them.The woman who dresses as "Captain Booty" is a woman with loose morals who will have sex with you in the bathroom at a party.

The woman who dresses as an "Alpine Girl" is a woman with loose morals who will have sex with you in the bathroom at a party. This is made obvious by the fact that the only reason to dress up like an "Alpine Girl" is to go out in the skimpiest, sluttiest costume so, when someone asks, "Are you a prostitute?" she can respond "No silly! I'm an Alpine Girl!"

The woman who dresses as the exceedingly suggestive "Cavegirl" is a woman with loose morals who will have sex with you. Period. Why go all the way to the bathroom when the Cavegirl will do it on the couch with people watching? You get laid, and you don't even lose your spot! It's win-win with the Cavegirl. (Also, I think the cavegirl who decided to wear the fish nets on her legs as opposed to using it to, oh, I don't know, catch fish, probably didn't survive to reproduce, so not only is she a cavegirl, but a dumb one. If it's wrong to expect historical accuracy in Halloween costumes then I don't want to be right.)

The woman who dresses as the "Gold Digger" is one to stay away from (after you have sex with her in the bathroom, of course.) You see, she chooses the gold digger because that's exactly what she is. In fact, she might not even have sex with you in the bathroom of the party, she might insist you take her to a hotel or to the backseat of a moderately expensive car.

The woman who dresses as "Cat Woman" is a woman with loose morals who will have sex with you. Now, if you think the Cat Woman is going to have sex with you in the bathroom at a party, you're sorely mistaken. No sir, those pants are way too hard to put back on after a quickie on the sink. You're going to have to take her back to your place. While still a sure thing, approach Cat Woman at the end of the night, not beginning.

The woman who goes as a "Pin Up" is just dumb. You see, without the wind blowing up the skirt, there's no difference between that costume and something you might wear to a garden party in July. Spend time with this woman if you like to hear people ask, "So, you're going to a garden party?" To which she'll respond, "I didn't realize that there wouldn't be a constant wind blowing up my skirt, it looked good in the picture. I thought the wind was included."

Now, to be fair, I'll do some male costumes as well.

The man who dresses as a referee, a gladiator, a pirate, or Hef will try to have sex with any of the costumes listed above. He is a man-whore with little else on his mind.

The man who dresses up as Jason is a guy who still lives in his parent's basement. He cares more about the costume than the sex with slutty women. You'll see him in character most of the night wondering why none of the women will talk to him and why the bathroom always seems to be occupied.

Happy Halloween.

(If you think these costumes are over the top, check this out. There's even a picture in a bathroom! (not sure if it's pre or post sex though.)