The Wonder of It All

I’ve now seen The Match four times in nine days, and I feel like I’m in some kind of alternate reality in which I get what I want but don’t know quite what to do with it. Here, Fortymatches — a handsome, successful, kind, smart, funny, considerate man who’s crazy about you. Have fun!

Errrr…ok. Thanks? It’s fantastic, but are you sure it’s for me? Shouldn’t this have been harder? Because…you know, finding love in real life is a thankless slog through the horrors of Dating Land. Compatible people don’t just fall into your lap unless you’re in a romantic comedy.

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We didn’t have plans to see one another again so soon (it had only been 2 days), but when the text volley looks like this, something must be done:

God I want to see you.

There are moments when my chest hurts for wanting you.

Same. Heartache.

<I secure my sister’s babysitting services, and she makes me promise not to come home too early, so I deliver the good news>

How long do I have you for?

My sister says “whenever.”

I literally don’t know how to act right now.

Jump for joy? Do a little dance?

I’m SO happy.

And that’s how we ended up sitting in his favorite bar (a classy-as-fuck kind of joint because he’s vastly fancier than I am), sipping expensive cocktails, and discussing setting up a date schedule that allows for a recurring night when we can see each other independent of our respective custody schedules. We talked about our parents’ personalities and guessed at what they’d think about us. We strolled in the warm early summer air, holding hands, hunting down the elusive open-late-on-a-Sunday place to grab a snack. Later at his place, we watched the Game of Thrones series finale, tangled up in one another, entire scenes eclipsed, periodically stopping to rewind and catch up on what we missed.

As the clock sailed well past midnight, we talked about more challenging things, our separate histories, our shared future, and the hurdles it may entail. I challenged why he was so fixated on figuring it out now. He laughed as the words “because I’m falling in love with you” escaped his lips with a force of their own. But I understood. Utterly unfazed, I kissed him and whispered, “I think I’m falling in love with you, too.”

While I can appreciate the skepticism that is inherent in anything that comes quickly or easily (or, God forbid, quickly AND easily), I also know that I’ve found something special. He and I are still learning one another, and we’re not plotting anything sudden or drastic — there are very real and significant considerations when it comes to our respective parental roles. To be honest, I hadn’t expected to be in a position to consider these things any time soon, so I hadn’t given them much thought until now.

What does it mean that I had so little faith in my own prospects that I had never indulged the long-term fantasy down to a cellular level? I’d never needed to consider logistics because I’d felt sure it would be wasted energy to do so. I will admit that finding myself in this place, as unlikely or unforeseen as it may be, is startlingly wonderful. Yes, that about sums it up…startling. And wonderful.