Do you remember Johnny Diaz? He's the guy I had a relationship with when I was on The Real World.

"Uh...yes I remember him."

He wrote a book, and one of the characters is a tall, lanky, bigger-than-life gay guy who is an aspiring model, and he was on a reality show, and he walks around as if there's always a camera crew following him.

"Oh."

Interesting coincidence, huh?

"And is this character's name 'Don' or 'Stan' or something?"

No, it's 'Kyle.'

"Well at least he was nice enough to change that."

He says it's not me.

"Right."

But the reality show he was on is even called 'The Real Life.'

"Do you think he's going to say anything mean?"

No. He knows I know where he lives and I would buy a plane ticket and show up on his doorstep if he did.

"Yes you would."

And he's very nice anyway, he wouldn't do anything vindictive like that. Although he makes something bad happen to Kyle.

"What happens?"

(I tell her the unfortunate plot twist in the book.)

"Oh that's sad."

But that hasn't happened to me.

"So then did you ask him if they make this book into a movie, if you can play the part of Kyle?"

No. I want someone young and cute to play me. But thank you for always thinking of my career.

"And does Kyle have a fabulous mother?"

I don't know.

"That would be the best part of the book."

Of course.

"Who is going to play me in the movie?"

I don't know.

"Maybe Ann-Margaret. No she's too old."

Yeah.

"And who could play your father? Someone really grumpy. I take that back, your father can't be in it, he's no fun."

Okay.

"So then who do you want to play you?"

I don't know, it would probably just be for Logo or something, so it would have to be someone cheap.