Welcome Guest! If you are already a member of the BMW MOA, please log in to the forum in the upper right hand corner of this page. Check "Remember Me?" if you wish to stay logged in.

We hope you enjoy the excellent technical knowledge, event information and discussions that the BMWMOA forum provides.
Why not take the time to join the club, so you can enjoy posting on
the forum, the club magazine, and all of the discounts and benefits the BMWMOA offers?Want to read the MOA monthly magazine for free? Take a 3-month test ride of the magazine; check here for details.

If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You will need to join the MOA before you can post: click this register link to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

NOTE. Some content will be hidden from you. If you want to view all content, you must register for the forum if you are not a member, or if a member, you must be logged in.

My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked,

'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

My wife and I were watching "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire" while we were in

bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?"

"No," she answered.

I then said, "Is that your final answer?"

She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, "Yes."

So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."

And then the fight started....

The thing about traveling is, you never want it to end and you can't wait to get home.
I answer to Roy, Chief, or Sarg.
04 R-1150-RT current bike. 94 R-1100-RS74,383, Sold, 78 R-80/7, K.I.A by a D.U.Iwww.OceanStateBMWriders.com

A very attractive blond woman arrived and bet $20,000 on a single roll
of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier
when I'm completely nude.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES! YES! I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. .

Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered,
I don't know - I thought you were watching."

The thing about traveling is, you never want it to end and you can't wait to get home.
I answer to Roy, Chief, or Sarg.
04 R-1150-RT current bike. 94 R-1100-RS74,383, Sold, 78 R-80/7, K.I.A by a D.U.Iwww.OceanStateBMWriders.com

Despite never having adopted the metric system for day-to-day use, Americans
are familiar with the basic units, like grams, kilograms, meters and such.
But when it comes to lesser known units we're clueless. To help the
educational process along a bit ...

* 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

* Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

* 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

* Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

* 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

* Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon

* 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

* Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower

* Shortest distance between two jokes = 1 straightline

* 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

* 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone

* 2 million bicycles = 2 megacycles

* 2000 mockingbirds = 2 kilomockingbirds

* 52 cards = 1 decacards

* 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 FigNewton

* 1,000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen

* 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

* 10 rations = 1 decoration

* 100 rations = 1 C-ration

* 4 nickels = 2 paradigms

* 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League

"Tracers work both ways."
- U.S. Army Ordnance
---------------------------------------------

"Five second fuses only last three seconds."
- Infantry Journal
---------------------------------------------
"Any ship can be a minesweeper....Once."
---------------------------------------------
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
- Unknown Marine Recruit
---------------------------------------------
Clean it, if it's Dirty.
Oil it, if it Squeaks.
But: Don't Screw with it if it Works!
USAF Electronic Technician
----------------------------------------------------------------
"If you see a bomb technician running, keep up with him."
USAF - Ammo Troop
--------------------------------------------

"Yea, Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ,
I Shall Fear No Evil.
For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."
---------------------------------------------

"You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3.."
- Paul F. Crickmore ( test pilot, SR-71 )
---------------------------------------------

A Navigator's Definition of Latitude & Longitude:
Latitude is Where We are Lost, &
Longitude is How Long We've been Lost There!
USAF Navi-guesser
--------------------------------------------

"The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
---------------------------------------------

"If the wings are travelling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter -- however, it's probably unsafe in any case "
---------------------------------------------

"When one engine fails on a twin-engine air plane, you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
---------------------------------------------

"What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?
If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies;
If ATC screws up, .... The pilot dies."
---------------------------------------------

The three most common expressions (or famous last words), in aviation are:
"Why is it doing that?"
"Where are we?"
and
"Oh Sh..t!"
--------------------------------------------
"Airspeed, altitude and brains.
Two out of three are needed to successfully complete the flight."
--------------------------------------------

"Mankind has a perfect record in aviation.
We never left one up there!"
---------------------------------------------

"Flying the air plane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground who is incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
-------------------------------------------

"The Piper Cub is the safest air plane in the world; it can just barely kill you."
- Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
---------------------------------------------

"There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."
- Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
---------------------------------------------

"You know that your landing gear is up and locked
When it takes FULL power to taxi to the terminal."
--------------------------------------------

As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives; the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks, "What happened?" The pilot's reply: "Beats me, I just got here myself."