This past year I failed school but i was there, I didnt work, and I used drugs. My life felt like it was completely off track but i didnt do anything to help myself, in fact the exact opposite.

A couple months ago my girlfriend broke up with me and I slowly started breaking down. We had decided to stay in touch and I started obsessing how to fix what we broke. I wanted her back so bad that i did everything i could, which obviously pushed her way out of my life.

Throughout the whole thing my mind was locked on it, I went back and forth between trying to figure out what was wrong with me and building myself up with inner strength which is something i definitely lost this past year. I basically drove myself right into insanity.

We talked I would see hope and then it would get destroyed, we talked again and same thing. Eventually it resulted in her changing her number, which woke me up.

The only thing is i cant believe what happened to me. I feel like an idiot now and I realize that I was being very selfish about trying to get her back, that i gave her no room to think. She was on antidepressants when we first started dating, she quit them and then started taking new ones, i think i intensified her anxiety. I never thought i was depressed, but after hearing about her anxiety and stuff I started to recognize anxieties and depression in myself.

I think i had a nervous breakdown during the breakup, but I dont understand bc i never was like this in my life. Everytime we stopped talking I would start to feel more complete, but i never wanted to stop talking. Right now it is at a situation where we no longer have contact and im beginning to feel more like myself again.

Does anyone have an Idea what happened to me or how i triggered a nervous breakdown? And when you have a nervous breakdown, but ya feel like your recovering are you? I dont ever want to feel like that again.

Everytime we fought I drank alcohol. Immediately after a fight i would apologize way too much, I would have 24/7 panic about what i said wrong what i did wrong. last week she wanted to hang out but i kept pushing it off and then when we made definate plans, i cancelled bc i was afraid of falling apart again. She said "this is why i think you have multiple personalities" I asked that we cut contact, but then i wanted to get back in touch. I felt bad she said she felt hurt. I ended up getting drunk and talking to her. i asked and she told me she hookd up with her ex. I became extremely upset over it and angry. We talked she called the next day and asked how i was feeling. i got ****** at her again and broke contact. I got back in touch with her, apologized and then txt her every hour for a while. looking back i cant understand why i was so impatient and impulsive, i was just hurting really bad.

She really was a sweet girl and very loving, but also she felt needy at times considering how young we are 22 and tryin to build our own futures. As soon as things got back to a steady feeling of friendship, but not too much i would feel better. I said some retarded stuff and i became needy. I was never like this. We only dated for about 7 months but we lived with each other and spent all of our time together. We lived together at school.

Eventually my friends tried to instill some common sense into me and reminded me that i had friends whom i never hung out with. So at times i decided i would give them my time for a couple of days, she was always upset about that and eventually started talking to her ex bf only to end up mostly back with him.

The breakup was two days b4 my birthday. Did a lot of things just trigger my breakdown? I mean the longer we stayed in contact the worse things seemed to become. Any advice would be great on What you think of why i acted incredibly thin skinned. I was trying desperately to fix something, but i couldnt handle the reality of it. Every single time i tried to move on, i would suck myself back into it on the little bit of hope she gave me. Thank you for your advice in advance.

I broke your post down into paragraphs to make it easier to read.Kitt :)

JustinI honestly believe that u were addicted ( in that sense) to her .........wanting her needing her to make you feel whole ........you dont need anyone to make you feel that wayAlways apologising ...what she did nothing wrong It does take 2 to have a real love and a real relationship and both want to work it out not just one ya know

YOU sound like a very decent guy that just couldnt let GO because of all the past deaths and abandonment in your past .......You have to move on we will help you BUT you also have to give 100% and so will I ( we) ...........You need to forget the history behind the "perfect woman" you saw and loved ..............from what I read it wasnt pretty and you were headed down spiralling fast.........

Please email me so we can talk about this IF you want okay

I REALLY do feel your pain and anguish but I also know you have got to move on or you will lose YOU

Here for you .......

I might have said some things you didnt want to hear BUT that is me I am honest to the core not so I hurt someone but to help if possible

Be well and think about what I have said ........DOES any of it hit home .........make sense ....??

I sense your pain and from what you have posted you have gone through a very tumultuous relationship. You had great difficulty in going back and forth with this girl and that along with the other issues going on in your life could have easily caused a mental health issue for you.

I understand your feeling of guilt but guilt is a wasted emotion. Can you find it in your heart to forgive yourself and realize if you were sinking into a state of Anxiety/Depression that you were not able to make wise choices? I would like to hear that you currently have a physician and that you are in some sort of therapy or seriously considering therapy.

At this time in your life you need to take care of you and only you can do that with lots of support from your new family here in A & P. Trust us to take your hand and help you through the rough times and we will be here to support you.

Again a warm welcome to you. Gentle Hugs.

RespectfullyKitt

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression

******www.healingwell.com/donate******_____________________________________________________"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” ~Rosalyn Carter

Thank you very much. I will not lose me, that is for sure. I def appreciate talking about this thing. I feel like i was in a relationship for too long, one in which we were both completely incompatible. I had a previous relationship before that, one where apologies didnt even seem appropriate, but also bc nothing really went wrong with that one. We just moved to different countries. When we were together we became better people. I was also young then and very different, i was a very entertaining person then. Maybe i lived for laughter, i seriously dont understand what has happened to me. But i think ya the addiction thing was right. I wanted to be with her, but i eventually stopped being fun, i started being too serious and the intimacy left. i was just locked into the idea of her i guess, its still hard for me to see flaws with her. i dont want to though. i want her to be happy. i think it wasnt either of us, but actually us together. Still i keep digging into why i acted like this. Why i gave up my self esteem and dignity over something not worth it.

I promise im giving it 100%. ive picked up hobbies like playing guitar, im working, im going back to school. I still have panic attacks, but maybe this is just residual to the hell i put myself in for the past two months. I dont know. i would like to explain more as I get out of it. ive let my mind become an enemy im doing what i can to make it an ally, including meditation.

When you are ready Justin I will be here to listen and to try to help you work this out I am sure AKitt will be too along with other members Your pain is so obvious Sweetie YOU have to take off those blinders and see her flaws and it will help in the longrun..........belive me

Dont let anyone run your life ..........YOU are a man and a decent one that has lost his way Who hasnt lost their way ........I know I have numerous times ..........

This is Kitt. Sometimes, after a relationship has ended, many of us have problems letting go. It's like the person has left an indelible imprint upon your heart and many of us feel that we can't go on. It only makes things more difficult by trying to hold onto a relationship that is clearly over. Here are a few tips for letting go.

The break up of your relationship probably seems like the end of the world but it's not. Everything happens for a reason. People often find out that they are not compatible one way or another. Sometimes there is a lack of commitment on the part of one partner. Whatever the reason for the demise of your relationship keep in mind that there is probably something better in store somewhere down the line.

Accept the fact that relationships end and let it rest. The sooner you accept the truth and get on with your life the easier it will be for you. :)

You can't control another person, you can only control yourself.

Take a step forward and get on with the rest of your life.

You are obviously an intelligent and caring young man, you have been through a bad time and I hope you will give yourself time, plenty of time to move on and stay in the moment. Try hard not to dwell in the past. You cannot reverse what is done and you have our support here so keep posting.

How about that therapy? It is truly a lifesaver for many people.

I will be following your thread. Gentle Hugs.

RespectfullyKitt

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression

******www.healingwell.com/donate******_____________________________________________________"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” ~Rosalyn Carter

I have felt the same way Justin. It gets better. I believe that as the time passes the memories start to fade into the back of your mind and do not reveal themselves as often as they do now. This should inturn create less stress about the situation and your panic attacks should dissipate. My situation was a little different because I had anxiety and panic attacks long before my breakup. I have had major panic attacks on and off for the last ten years. The attacks had been dormant for about 4 years while a was with my previous girlfriend. She came up to one day and decided that she was not happy and needed to leave. Either that evening or the next night I began to have extreme panic attacks. They have since gone away. Although I do have some pretty bad anxiety now and some physical problems from all of the stress.

My point is that I think that all that is going on in your life with school, drugs, and your girlfriend probably contribute to your panic. If you have some close friends or family, you might want to go speak with them about your situation. If you don't feel comfortable talking with them, few sessions of therapy will probably help you. My friends and family have been an excellent crutch as I have been trying to pull myself out of the gutter from my most recent relapse.

Also, as I read your post I could relate. I don't think you were acting crazy for doing that stuff. I have seen myself and a lot of other people acting in a similar manner. Especially at age 22. Im glad that you have picked up a hobby and are going back to school. These should keep your mind busy. Keep working on yourself. Also, I would suggest that you stay clean of drugs and alcohol until you get your mind straight. It may seem harder but a clean mind will help you heal faster.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

And deep down I still believe that everything could have worked between us, but that timing was so bad and too many problems came with it. I dated her best friend. We never got into a relationship and I fell for my ex. She had a boyfriend so I stayed out as much as i could, but i told the her best friend that I liked her. All hell broke out. What resulted next was drama lots and lots of it. I still liked the one girl though and it turned out that she liked me. All of us went to a party and she told the girl i previously dated that she was gonna let me down easy. She told me that I was the first guy she was attracted to in a while. All hell broke out again. We decided not to go anywhere with it until stuff got sorted out, She went to kiss me I said go talk to your friend first and straighten this out. She never did. Their friendship eventually dropped, which in the end it turned out that their friendship was too important to let go of, which i was happy to hear. She also broke up with her boyfriend for me and hung out with him until we finally started going out. I think too many problems followed us into it and it sucked. it was the wrong time in our lives. And now I feel as if we are 100% incompatible at this point, but at the same time i think everything could have been very different if she had just taken the time she needed to figure everything out, i guess at the time i was also afraid she would stop liking me. I dont know why i let it move so fast.

I think therapy might help you get your life back on track. But if you cannot do therapy I would still try to talk to somebody close to you who might sympothize with your situation. It can be really hard talking to your parents. You don't have to talk to them together either. You can just speak with whichever one you may think will be more understanding or helpful. Mom's are usually easier to talk to and tend to empathize with their sons better. Your father may have had some similar experiences when he was younger and could be an excellent resource. Unless your parents are complete jerks, you might want to get to know them better and this may be an opportune time. If there is noone you can talk to, this forum seems like is a pretty nice spot for conversation. Im new here but everyone seems helpful. One of the hardest things to do is keep a positive attitude everyday and keep motivated about life. But if you keep working on it, I think that it will start to become natural.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Yeah, I had been dating this girl for 5 years before she decided all of a sudden she was not happy and had to leave. It could not have happened at a worse time in my life. I was plagued by an injury, an illness and a surgery. I was in the process of recovering from these things when she dropped the bomb. This is someone who I felt the most comfortable talking to aswell and telling my problems to. I am completely surprised how many people have the same issues or have gone through similar things in their past. Usually if I spell out all of my problems to one person, I find that they will have experienced one or more of those circumstances already and can relate to a particular portion of my experience. I try to talk to as many of my closest friends as possible about this. I even spell it out to some of my co-workers, especially the olders one who I have more in common with. I would, however, take advice with a grain a salt (yes, even mine). Everybody has opinions but many do not work for how you like to live your life. But you can extract good information from these opinions and formulate your own solution. I also like to write down my problems and the possible solutions for them. I feel more organized this way. Its almost similar to putting your life together one puzzle piece at a time. Try not to drop one of those pieces under the couch though it could take you forever to find it.

You are also still young and have plenty of opportunities to find a different girl out there and under better circumstances. I would suggest taking as much time as you need to pull yourself together. Then get out there and start having some fun with friends. Talk to a bunch of different girls and go on many dates. You'll eventually land someone under the right circumstances and be very happy.

How are your panic attacks coming? Do you still have anxiety?Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Thanks again this advice is very appropriate for me. The panic attacks have slowed down, but the general anxious feeling seems to be always there and it has become agitation at points. Is this all really just depression, My questioning everything about my life over this, everything about the situation until i cant think anymore about anything else?

Don't think it is your responsibility. She left you right? You cannot take responsibility for her actions. If I remember correctly you said that you had been dating for about 7 months and were living together. That is moving pretty fast. I did something similar in my past. Was enganged to this girl after only 9 months of dating and we had been living together for about 7 of those 9 months. We called off the engagement and kept living together. Soon after, we broke up because both of us were at different places in our lives. My opinion is that it really takes years and years to get to know someone and whether or not you are compatible. Also people change so rapidly at that age. It's hard to know in which direction people will change. They may change with you or away from you. You cannot be certain.

It sounds to me like you still care for this girl a great bit and that you are putting personal responsibiliy on yourself because you see that she is alone and/or hurting. It is normal to feel bad when you see someone you care about in this condition; however, I think that you should see to your own needs for a little bit instead of focusing your attention on her. She will be fine while you take the time for yourself. If she is still in the same situation after you have cleared your mind. You will be in a much better position with you new mindset to be of help to her. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

If you have time for some casual reading, you might want to looking into reading a book called Future Shock. It was written by a sociologist named Alvin Toffler. His ideas are way ahead of his time. The book may give you some insight to the causes for you anxiety and help you control your feelings. It is basically about the exponentially increasing speed at which we live life and how this creates uncertainty which inturn leads to anxiety about the future. As a matter of fact, I recommend this book to all people with panic disorder, depression, and anxiety. Some of his ideas are out there, it is a neat book. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Alright Ill go get it tomorrow. Since im still trying to recover and get my life back this is the best time to read that book. Ive been reading turning the mind into an ally by Sakyong Miphan and Buddha: a story of enlightenment by Deepak Chopra. Thank you.

-One thing i keep on my mind is that I love her why didnt i let her go at the start? Even during the relationship when I started feeling bad for how it started. When you love someone arent the good things suppose to come naturally, I knew we had to break up and that everything seemed curropted why didnt i man up and do it instead of feeling guilty enough to break the intimacy so that it destroyed itself.

- It all comes down to drugs and alcohol. Its the one thing that was always connected to every single bad moment. I should have cleaned up then for myself. Thank God im clean now. Guess i learned my lesson there. You do stupid stuff, its gonna catch up with you and when it does its not just gonna sting. I think its conditioned me out of it. The thing is i did the stuff while hanging out with her, but not bc of her bc of school money and the pressure my parents expectations put on me. I was running from reality but keeping the best part of it with me. Again extremely selfish on my part. I need to grow up and act my age.

You probably didn't let her go because you love her. Most people cannot man up and let someone know their true feelings. I for one am the same way. I believe it is a natural human emotional condition to hold your feelings inside because you do not want to hurt someone that you love even if you know that prolonging the issue will only result in more torment for the both of you. So you keep it bottled up hoping that you will change or that she will change. The hard part is when the fear that led you to withhold your feelings comes true and you both end up more hurt in the end. The good news is that this did not go on for years. Recovery will be much faster and easier for both of you. You probably broke the intamacy instead of the relationship because it is the easier of the two paths. Breaking intamacy is subtle and sometimes people don't even realize they are doing it. Although it is probably the wrong choice of the two options, you know that you made a mistake and take corrective actions in your next relationship. It was a mistake on your part but nothing to torment yourself over. Everybody makes mistakes and I bet you that the majority of people out there have done this same thing. You said that you had appologized to her, I dont know if you included this action in your appology. But if you did, then I think you should feel guilt free. You have learned something about yourself and will probably not make this mistake in the future. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Something im worried about though is i feel like after all this anxiety, depression, and fear that i was losing my mind im sort of afraid to communicate with people. I used to be very outgoing and fun and now im afraid to be. i feel neurotic in a way. I was just hanging out with my friends and its like i almost forgot how to communicate. Obviously i can, but sometimes im over thinking my words or drifting into thought, usually this is accompanied by poor breathing I almost feel like im holding my breath sometimes. I want to get back to my life and I want it to be normal, but i feel like ive changed so much. Ive become the quiet one and I dont like it. Is the fact that i desperately want to be back to normal a sign that Im progressing or am i pushing myself?

Also today her cousin called to talk to me and I had a panic attack when i saw the number, i think im afraid of any contact with anyone, her or her family. I think im afraid of a lot of things right now, but i know im climbing. Just looking forward to a full recovery and i dont know how long it will take.

I think that you are both progressing and pushing yourself. This seems contradictory but its normal to feel that you want to return to your usual outgoing self; however, just like physical injuries, mental injuries take time too. I believe that we acquire mental injuries everytime something tragic happens in our life and it takes time to heal. Not necessarily a brain injury but we have been hurt. A lot of my panic attacks I view as post traumatic stress and that these attacks are my body and minds way of dealing with these issues that have hurt me. We are not taught to deal with massive amounts of stress and our bodies do not know how to react. Weird chemical reaction occur in our brain that create spiraling thoughts, fast heart beats, shortness of breath. We tend to become very anxious making the problem compound because we have no previous knowledge of how to deal with these situations. Our body and mind tends to adjust overtime and we learn to cope with these bad feelings.

My first with panic attacks back in '98, I didnt really know what was going on. I had this pending fear that people were out to hurt me in various forms, even people that I had been close to for years and even family members. At the time, I wasn't sure whether it would ever end. I even thought that I would catch myself not breathing for minutes on end. Im pretty sure that I couldnt remember the last breath I took. A doctor told me that I should not be worried about the breathing. I was probably just breathing very shallow and not taking notice to it. Which is the funny thing about breathing too, you dont have to be aware of it to do it. It was just something that I would focus on when in panic mode. It took a long time for the episodes to retreat and for me to start feeling somewhat normal again. But it did. I was never an outgoing person to begin with but I actually became much more outgoing after time. You have changed but not in a bad way. It may seem so right now because you are in the crux of your crisis. Your mind and body are learning right now.

I don believe that people can hide from their fears when they show up. For some reason they will follow us around until we find a way to deal with them. Fight or flight is a term often used when referring to someones position in a panic situation. Its normal to be nervous when your ex or anyone associated with them tries to contact you. I felt that way anways and Im as normal as they come I dont know your situation, so I dont know if you should answer the phone or not. But facing your fears does make you less fearful the next time around. For me, I have noticed that when I confront a situation like these head on, I end up with a feeling comfort afterward. And I dont sit there pondering for hours about what that person wanted to talk about or what they were thinking.

Whether they say it or not, your friends should probably see and understand that you are going through a rough patch right now. I doubt that they think you are weird for being a little distant lately. Communication is tough when you have 20 different things rolling through your mind. It will take time but you should be back to normal soon enough. I think you will heal faster if you get out there and confront your anxiety. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.

Looks like you found yourself a friend and have been doing lots of dialogue. Good for you.

Please look into therapy and talk to your parents. Talk with your Mom and do not underestimate Mothers. They do listen. This is just my opinion. Also I suggest that you concentrate more on the present and perhaps not continue to try to figure out what went wrong. Start fresh and please get professional help.

RespectfullyKitt

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression

******www.healingwell.com/donate******_____________________________________________________"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” ~Rosalyn Carter

Thank you very much Sundryvoid for your story. I think the thing that spirald me into this was i was terrified of the idea of going crazy and I think ive been almost begging for assurance that everything will be ok once i step up to it more. This yr ive been slightly disagreeable with my parents but i know we usually get along great, its just they were trying to instruct me on the steps when i really just needed to know that it doesnt get worse it gets better and I need to make the effort to get there. Hearing your story and that u related to mine def helped me find the comfort i needed. Thank you very much i think i will be able to go back to helping myself here. Panic can be an overwhelming thing and I was doing everything i could to find comfort to get out of it. I was running from my fears instead of facing them. So i def made a very stupid turn in trying to get rid of the panic. I hung out with friends tonight and faced my fears in a sense. Whenever i began to go to a thought that would trigger my panic i pulled away and remained in the conversation. Your right there is a lot of comfort after that.

Thanks stkitt and if i feel that the panic is changing direction again i will go to therapy, but for now I guess ill start by talking to my mom more. I talked with her through the whole situation and she knows everything thats happened. I just think i needed to hear this from someone who went through it. I got very lucky as always i seem to be a lucky one.

I think the best thing going for me is that although ive been going through this really for the last month and half. The beginning was tough initially but i picked up and I was letting go. I went surfing and traveled a bit. She pulled me back in after i first let go, after that the longer we stayed in touch the more i started to have ups and downs. So i had some moments of peace through the whole thing. Since we have not been talking it feels a lot more up than anything else and i think coming here and talking has helped me realize im standing back up. I hope that my story helps someone else if they are suffering something like this, like sundryvoids helped me.

I think im beginning to look at things more clear headed. In the beginning of the breakup every time i tried to move on she pulled me back in. Every time i tried to break off connection she said she was hurt by it, right up to the very end. I think the breakup triggered my breakdown, i fell into a situational depression with loads of anxiety. But i kept standing up, she told me once this is a lot easier for you then me. Then through my txting i kept taking more and more of the blame on myself. I was trying to look at the past and understand everything, which only triggered more panic. I basically made myself out to look like the biggest jerk, bc i felt awful that she felt awful. Maybe i wanted to let her know that i was sorry but i couldnt fully express it. She said at times that she loved me more than i loved her, which was true since i couldn't express it properly. I think as things went on the tables kept turning between us with who was more upset with everything until it was just me. in the end i think she was just pitying me. I was smothering her with apologizes and then we would talk and I would realize that I dont want to, it seemed that as soon as things were good between I was left in the gutter and she felt better. For me the whole time i was down compared to where i shouldve been, even though at times i stood up.

In other words I think we were both equally responsible for how things went down. We were both suffering from anxiety and we both were having trouble saying goodbye completely to each other. But when we broke up it should have been goodbye. At least until life worked itself out, bc i think just by staying in communication with each other through such a difficult situation, it caused me to breakdown. Bc im feeling much better everyday, slowly but surely. Still i def had situational depression and I think im gonna get therapy bc of that.

Keep the dialogue going between the 2 of you as Kitt said I believe it ios helping in so many ways

** BTW.........Emotional abuse is worse to a point than Physical abuse as the scars from the physical abuse go away but the scars from the emotional abuse STAY with you forever......That is ONLY MY OPINION.........I dont condone either in any way shape or form .........

OK, who are you? Random, where did that come from? Confused me there, lol. :)

I agree with Lyn completely on abuse and people don't see the scars left by emotional abuse, but the abused person sure does feel them.

Take care.

RespectfullyKitt

Moderator Anxiety ~ Panic Disorders

*~* Not a mental health professional at all *~*Dx: Anxiety/Panic, Depression

******www.healingwell.com/donate******_____________________________________________________"If you doubt you can accomplish something, then you can’t accomplish it. You have to have confidence in your ability, and then be tough enough to follow through.” ~Rosalyn Carter

Im very glad to hear that you talked to your mom and that you are planning on seeking therapy. I believe that talking about your issues will help you to release your tensions and help you heal faster. Some of the hardest breakups in, IMO, are those where both people still deeply care for each other and want to be together but realise that it cannot work out for whatever reason. The emotional detachment process is much harder on the senses.

I somewhat agree with you about emotional abuse. I completely agree they are both wrong. I would not like to see either cases. However, I think that physical abuse causes emotional strain and scars on the the person that is abused as well. A lot of cases of physical abuse leave the victim feeling inferior and trapped. They become less willing to trust others. I won't dwell on the subject and you no doubt disaprove of both but I just think that physical abuse warrents a higher level, if not atleast the same level, of disapproval as emotional abuse. I understand your point. That is just my opinion.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forewards.