I Have Some Suggestions For The Lame-Brain Who Hacked Donald Trump’s Twitter

Donald Trump knows more than anyone that when life hands you an opportunity, you have to snatch it up. If life gives you a shot at some prime real estate, you have to find a way to purchase it. If you get a reality show and then slip slowly from the public consciousness, you have to find a way to insult celebrities at random until you work your way back in. If it gives you a bumper crop of pure orange hair, you have to comb as much of it as possible onto your forehead for everyone to enjoy. There are many different ways that opportunity rears its glistening head, so to the person who supposedly hacked The Donald’s Twitter account today, I have only this to say: IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?

At 11:41 this morning, the following was tweeted from Donald Trump’s account:

Okay, cool, but let me get this straight — you can write whatever you want on the Twitter of a guy who’s pretty infamous for being a dick to people, and you choose…a Lil Wayne lyric? You’re fuckin’ up, bro. I’m hoping that this was all a big hoax of Trump trying to get attention, otherwise I’m seriously disappointed in the imagination of a talented little hacker.What a wasted opportunity! If it were me, I would’ve gotten in there and done some serious damage. You could’ve followed every member of One Direction, Instagram-ed a picture of a dog with the caption “Whose car is this?”, made a pass at Ivanka, invited Honey Boo Boo to be on the next season of Celebrity Apprentice, asked everyone to call you Snoop Lion from now on, written seven haikus about Rob Kardashian, or asked everyone to meet you at the top of the Empire State Building with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. The opportunities were literally endless and you effed it up. Next time ask me for ideas.