When your friends know you too well…

I am not good in new situations: put me out of my happy comfort zone and I trigger anxiety. It’s good for me! I’m reading “stretch” a little book on the bible book of Daniel, a happy 1p amazon joy. I have found that reading alongside the sermon series means at least some of the teaching has a chance to stick, for this visual, hands on learner! As for stretch, well, my good friends point out when I am looking uncomfortable!! Not as uncomfortable as Daniel though….

My friend and I went to an event organised by church, with a fantastic band, and a lovely singer. It was loud, it was praise, it pulled out all the awkwardness of being someone who’d rather read or swim, walk and have one on one chats than be in anywhere noisy.

I was married to a musician whose little band disturbed the neighbours – music is a real love/conflict of emotion for me. I love to sing in the car because rooks and I have something in common – neither of us can consistently hold a tune. But powerful words can slide under my edges.

I thought I was doing a reasonable job of being cheery…paracetamol and codeine from my concerned friend and the words “I knew you were worrying” outed my flimsy pretences. Found out with a stiff back I sang some of the songs to the wakeful sparrows at 7am in revenge….

Being honest is awkward, being honest online is something that feels like hiding in plain sight somehow. I listened to a radio interview with Vicky Beeching this morning and felt grieved at the hurt and wounding rejection received by this singer who chose to “come out” as gay, and lost a lot of her christian music prestige in the process. It seems such a waste of God given talent. I am grateful to be loved, to feel part of church, to be held by friends, to know that it is possible to walk in open honesty at least somewhere safe. Walking a tight line held by a harness of grace. Solidly anchored, my falls arrest in safe hands.