Tuesday, November 09, 2004

"Family Values" (Cont'd)

It’s just unreal, unbelievable, that for a sizeable minority (15 to 20%), phony “morality” issues like gay rights, promiscuity vs. abstinence, abortion, etc. are the most burning issue of the day. This is the same Spanish Inquisition mindset that’s responsible for the War on Drugs – by far the most stupid, oppressive and mean-spirited multi-trillion-dollar project in our nation’s history. (This will be written about in future columns; you could fill an encyclopedia with the unbelievable stupidity of the War on Some Drugs.)

For those of you who believe in Law and Order, try this on for size: Every time a gay couple gets hassled by police, or a “massage” parlor gets raided, or a prostitute gets arrested, etc. – there’s a burglary, assault, rape or murder going unsolved. Right? We have X amount of police manpower; therefore, a police officer who’s raiding a topless bar is obviously not dealing with whatever muggings/assaults/rapes are taking place at the same time.

Now, how could we balance the budget and reduce the crime rate (real crime, where one person is victimizing another) at the same time? By deleting every Puritan, Medieval victimless-crime law. Police would be free to concentrate on real criminals, and our government would suddenly not be spending the tens of trillions of dollars it currently spends just to enforce someone’s personal “morals” on other people.

The Spanish Inquisition types, the Taliban wannabes, wouldn’t stand for this, of course. There are too many of them and no politician will stand up to them. Perhaps some of these Medievals would rather just move to one of the police states where religious ideals are strictly enforced (are they ever!). Iran, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Afghanistan and Nigeria all come to mind. Just think, Bible thumpers and book burners – women getting stoned to death for adultery; women being whipped for exposing too much flesh (like an ankle or wrist). Yessss!!! The Jerry Falwells and Gary Bauers must be champing at the bit! Wanna get away? A one-way ticket to the religious police state of your choice. Doesn’t that sound great?!?!?! Bye.

Perhaps there’s a silver lining in the presence of so many “family values” snake-handling types. The gullibility factor is presumably higher than average among this segment of the population. For any underhanded salesmen or con artists who are down on their luck: Smile; there are millions of easy marks out there. Study an electoral map of all the red states, or even the red precincts in blue states, and mark your territory. There’s gonna be some easy pickin’s. Yeeaahh!! Calling all con artists and sleazy salespeople: Brush up on your snake-oil sales pitch, dust off your aluminum siding, and hit the trail!