Friday, April 24, 2015

Formula 1 Shaken 'N Stirred Down Under...

The 20 or So F1 Drivers assemble for their yearly
picture at Albert Par. (Image source: f1fanatic.co.uk)

So another Formula 1 season opener has come 'N
gone, and I must say it seemed a 'Wee bit Anti-climatic to Mwah, as all we
needed to do was change a few names from sentences past, i.e.; Lewis Hamilton's
quip 'bout "Waking up to see the start, going back to sleep & tuning
in the last few laps on thee 'Telie to see Schumacher's rosso Ferrari WIN
again; Yawn!

As I still find itbemusing how much I was gripped over Sauber's
"Driver-Gate" leading up to the race, especially since I knew I
wouldn't be watching the first two day's TV coverage, simply ensconced in the
knowledge of...

Hell hath NO Fury like a Dutchman Scorned!

As A-L-L
I've still got to say for "Guido-duh-Dutchman" (Giedo Van der Garde) is
Good For You Mate! And FU Sauber and Monisha Kaltenborn! As I previously
noted in;

And the race became a let-down for Mwah upon learning
after-the-fact that Valtteri Bottas wouldn't be taking part due to tearing a
disc in his backin Saturday's 'Qualie;
CRIKEYS! As subtract three contestants before the flags dropped! (As
the Manor Marussia's were DOA...)

Adding insult to injury, Kevin
"Bacon" Magnussen's Hondre' PU DONE BLOWN UP! On the way to the
starting grid, along with Daniil Kvyats Red Bull's
transmission packing I-T in before the "Rooskie could get to his
respective GridSlot; As suppose
that's le 'Reggie's (Renault) fault too, Mr. Horner?

WHAMO!

We're down to a paltry 15-cars before the
lights even go green in Melbourne! Which thankfully wasn't 13 with the
threatened impoundment of the Sauber F1 Team's chassis; Aye Karumba! As I found
myself musing how this felt like one of the latter year's "Chump
Carz" events;

HOLY MINISCULE STARTING GRIDS, BATMAN!

As it's not surprising, that out of the eight
Champ Car teams Pre-Mergification, only two Refugee teams that were assimilated
into IndyCar remain. Yet surprisingly of these two, Dale Coyne Racing leads the
wins tally 4-2 ahead of KVRT, albeit the latter didwin the series biggest race with 'TK in
2013...

And then there was the first lap shemozzle
seeing Pastor Maldonado the victim being Turfed-off! Along with Lotus team-mate
Romain Grosjean's car giving up the ghost and we were down to a paltry 13
racers at the end of lap-1; SHEISA! As I found myself indeed opinin' for 'Ol
Hobbo's (David Hobbs) words to ring true. Noting how if we have a few more
retirements and 'JENSE (Button) can keep his Honda engine running, he could end
up scoring one pointfor finishing
tenth; YIKES!

All the while Lewis Hamilton serenely
sauntered off into the distance, keeping team-mate Nico Rosberg and the
remainder of the rapidly diminishing field behind him from ever even remotely
challenging his lead! As I don't wanna say it was a boring race, a la Dan
Ricciardo, but just check out what 'Rubino told Brazil's Globo;

Rubens
Barrichello:

"I tried to watch, but I
got to a point when I couldn't stay awake."

(Source: grandprix.com)

And as a visually impaired 'Vurd Botcherer...
Perhaps I missed something visually, but it seemed like A-L-Lthe talking heads droned on 'bout was
anything but the lead duo, aka Lewis & Nico, especially since they'd run away
and hid!

And there was more mayhem 'N carnage ahead,
like the cruelly botched Pit stops occurring for first Spanish F1 rookie Carlos
Sainz, Jr. and later Kimi Raikkonen's, who would retire after his rear wheel
went on its own! Not to mention Scuderia Toro Rosso's other revered rookie Max
"Dutchboy" Verstappen needing to stop the car for a smoldering Power
Unit.

Yet it wasn't all bad news, as indeed, Sainz
returned to the fray to earn his first Formula 1 points, Verstappen impressed
until his retirement and the third rookie Gran Primo Piloto contesting his
maiden Grand Prix, Sauber's Felipe Nasr impressed with a fine fifth place
finish.

And say what you want about McLaren's current
plight, i.e.; "Fernando-Gate," Hondre's PU, etc but, Bloody 'Ol
'JENSE did managed to complete the most consecutive laps turned in the
McLaren-Honda this year, when finishing one position out of the points in P11
after 58-laps, albeit the lone finisher outside of the points.

As unlike Red Bull in A-L-L of their STUPENDOUS
RETORIC! With Chris Horner & Co bandying QUIT threats after their
relatively poor showing in Melbourne, you don't hear any of this wankering
coming out of Woking, do you? As I couldn't agree more with thy 'Wee Willie
Buxom's (Will Buxton) sentiments of Don't let the Barn Door HITS Yuhs on the
way out Red Bull!

Whilst perhapsit's just Mwah, but I felt heartbroken for my
newest, favourite F1 Team, the Minnowesqe Manor Marussia outfit, who never
turned a wheel in anger the entire weekend. As I'd perceived I'd be flashing
back to 'OZ 'Twenty-eleven, when the two Hispania's failed to qualify as
victims ofthe newly re-introduced 107%
Qualifying rule. Wondering if Will Stevens and Roberto Merhi would at least get
to ride along on the flatbed during the F1 Driver parade?

Alas, I was quite happy that I'd decided to
attend avery enjoyable 2Cellos' concert
the night in Questione of the live, riveting season opening 'Aussie GP from
Down Under, which the west coast midnight-plus finish TV broadcast time
Saturday evening would have indeed beensleep inducing a la 'Rubino's comments earlier!

Thus finding
myself pretty disappointed over the first F1 race of the year after watching
the encore presentation, not to mention feeling let down on the whole, it's
easy to agree with John Watson's typically stinging assessment of the current
state of Formula 1...