Taking the Step out of step Parent

Month: September 2016

Some weeks are rough and it’s hard to find that silver lining at the end of the day. Every week I like to reflect back and think about the things that made me feel good.

*ONE* ::: We are leaving for Disney World in TWO days! I love family vacations and this is just the ultimate one thus far. Experiencing the magic and excitement with kids for the first time is going to a memory that will last forever.

*TWO* ::: Knowing that there is the biggest surprise ever awaiting the kids Sunday morning makes me feel SO good. I’m a horrible secret keeper and I give the kids props for trying to trip me up the last 10 months, but I succeeded!

*THREE* ::: I had a great time at the concert Wednesday night. It was a lot of fun to hang out with some girlfriends and let loose. My legs were killing me the Thursday morning from dancing, but it was worth every ache and pain!

*FOUR* ::: While planning this trip I had some anxiety about how much this was all going to cost us. I mean, a trip for a family of four isn’t cheap. I kept a positive attitude about it and I kept thinking everything will work itself out. Well, it sure did because I found four ROUND TRIP tickets to Florida from Michigan for $342. That’s just unheard of and while getting everything together this week it made me feel good that the positive thinking lead to a positive result!

*FIVE* ::: Matt has been working his ass off at work lately. I mean he has been putting in long hours, sweat, blood, and tears. And I’m so damn proud of him. I’m so proud of how dedicated and hard working he is. I helped out in his new store this week unpacking boxes and watching him work just made me smile and appreciate everything he does. It made me feel good to watch him flourish in something that not just he is great at, but he’s passionate about.

I had a very interesting revelation the other day when picking the munchkins up from school.

Our daughter is in 2nd grade (ages 7-8) and I was standing outside of her classroom door picking her up. The kids started filing out one by one and we started heading towards her brother’s classroom. The mom next to me has a set of twins in 2nd grade and she started talking to them about their day. Completely normal to do with your kids, but the WAY she was talking to them was shocking to me. She was talking to them like they were babies in a high pitched voice. Like they weren’t old enough to be talked to like she would speak to another adult.

This mom isn’t the only mom who does this at the school either. I see it day after day at drop off and pick up. It blows my mind. I was guilty of talking to them like this when they were babies — but that’s about it.

I don’t think school aged kids, especially in 2nd grade, should still be talked to like they are infants. They are free thinking, independent learning, mini adults. They are at school for seven hours a day with a lot of expectations out of them from their teachers. It makes me think these parents don’t take their kids seriously, like they don’t think they are smart enough to understand them if they just talked to them like a normal human being.

Then I had a thought — these moms must be the helicopter moms I have heard about. The moms who are constantly doing everything for their child and probably won’t let them do anything for themselves. It makes you wonder, how does this effect the kid in the long run?

I know I probably sound insensitive, like I treat our children like little soldiers, but I don’t. I treat them with respect and talk to them like I would want them to talk to me. You know what, I think that doing that not only benefited them as growing little people, but it helped our communication as a family.

What are your thoughts about this? Do you think I’m crazy for thinking we as parents shouldn’t talk to our kids like infants at age 7 and 8? Have you witnessed this with fellow mom or dad friends?

Wise Words Wednesday is all about motivation, inspiration, wisdom, and maybe even a little humor at times. There are times I have come across blogs with wonderful quotes that inspired me or helped me through my day. I am hoping to do the same for all of you with Wise Words Wednesday.

There is someone who is very dear to me who is hurting this week. They are hurting, hours away from here, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. I wish I could hold them and take all the pain away. I wish I could tell them that I’ve been through this pain before and it too shall pass, in time. I sent them this quote to remind them that no matter what they are going through, they will get through the bad times, as long as they surround themselves with people who love and support them.

Tuesdays are dedicated to posts I have come across that I want to reblog and share with all of you. Sharing the love in our blogosphere is really important to me. Who doesn’t appreciate a shout out on a job well done?

Scale it Simple – Invite: Fall Feeling Blog Party: Steph over at Scale it Simple is having a Fall Blog party this Saturday! This is a great way to find new blogs and share some of your favorite posts to a bigger platform. Thanks for the invite, friend!

LovingLahna – To my sweet daughter, : This mommy blogger wrote this beautiful letter to her infant daughter. I thought this was beautiful and I am going to be working on my own letters to the kids for when they are older.

theeuphoriciraqisinglemom – Do not Judge… : This is one of my favorite bloggers to follow. Not only do I feel a connection with her in some way, but I feel the words she writes. This is a wonderful reminder to everyone to not be quick to judge a family member or a friend. Thank you for sharing this, my dear friend.

Cordelia’s Mom, Still – Fickle Fans : Oh, Cookiecakes never fails to disappoint with a humorous post — but in all honestly. We have all been here and we know what it feels like when our blogging schedule becomes interrupted and our stats go haywire. No worries, Cookiecakes, I’m still here reading!

Lemon Zest – Urinal Rules: A Peak into the Men’s Restroom : I was having a crazy day and then I stumbled across this post — and I’m so glad I did. It gave me a great laugh and some insight as the hilarious yet serious rules that go on behind closed doors in the Men’s bathroom. What do you think guys? Did he nail all the points?

This weekend was probably the first relaxing weekend I have had in ages. The kids were over Saturday morning. Matt and I were both home from work this whole weekend and it was nice to have some one on one bonding time with each of the kids. I took turns taking a kid with me when I was running errands and it was a nice change of pace for the both of them. Plus, they got some one on one time with their Dad 🙂

A week from today we will be at Disney World! I can’t believe how fast it came up! (we are flying there too!) That means my birthday is in two weeks. I swear my birthday comes faster every year, but I have one more year left in my 20’s. The kids have no idea we are going to Disney. We have yet to tell them and to the best of their knowledge they don’t think I know anything because I am usually the one to spill the beans. So that helps with the 21 questions they have been asking me. They are getting pretty smart and know how to trip me up on my answers. Little buggers.

It’s going to be a jammed packed week this week. I will be doing my best keeping up with everything. I have all of our meal plans set up for the week and the food bought for dinners so that’s a huge thing to get out of the way. We had Balsamic Glazed Chicken for dinner last night and it was delicious. It is definitely something we will be adding to our dinner menu in the future.

So I haven’t been to Disney World in about 11 years. I’m really excited to be going again and bringing the kids. Anyone have any tips for when we are there? Any attractions that are a must see? Any secret things that you may have figured out and want to share? We aren’t staying IN Disney World but we are about 5-10 minutes away!

As we go through our week we are filled with highs and lows. At the end of the week I like to reflect back on all the highs and all the things that made me feel good. Positive thoughts bring positive things into your life, right?

*ONE* ::: Clearly, the obvious number one thing will be my husband coming home. You really learn to appreciate someone when they aren’t around. I’m thankful to have him in my life and be able to sleep in his arms every night.

*TWO* ::: It was one of our best friend’s anniversaries this week. My friend’s boyfriend bought her three tickets to go see Switchfoot (an alternative rock band) next week downtown. He bought the tickets for her, our other girl friend, and me! I love girl’s nights, but I love free girl’s nights even better!

*THREE* ::: We bought the kids a trampoline a few weeks ago from our neighbors that were moving. I couldn’t move it by myself so I waited until Matt came home. We carried in three houses down and set it up for the kids. Okay…I might have been the first person jumping on it but that’s besides the point. We are all kids at heart, right?

*FOUR* ::: The weather is changing and getting a little cooler in Michigan. I started trying on my jeans from last year and realized they are HUGE on me. I’m not one to really worry about my weight, but it felt good to know that eating healthier this year has helped. Plus, I get to buy a new pair of jeans!

*FIVE* ::: The first day of Fall was this week! I love Fall. It is tied with summer for my favorite season. Give me an Indian Summer in Michigan and I’m one happy girl! This fall brings Michigan Cider Mills, pumpkin carving, haunted houses, scary movies, my 29th birthday, Disney World with the entire family (kids still don’t know a thing), Annual Wine Weekend in Traverse City with some girl friends, picking out Halloween costumes with the kids, trick-or-treating, college football, fantasy football, I could go on and on…..but you catch my drift.

Like I mentioned before, and probably a thousand other times — Matt was in Florida again for work for two weeks and got back Wednesday afternoon. I didn’t think this was going to effect me as much as it did.

The night he left I started to feel a little tingle in my throat and thought it was just allergies. Little did I know, it was not allergies but just the beginning of walking pneumonia.

I had plans pretty much all week with my girlfriends while Matt was gone. I figured if I stayed busy than I wouldn’t focus on him not being there. I sucked it up Saturday night and went out to Dally in the Alley in downtown Detroit. It’s an art, food, and music festival that has been going on for 39 years. I’ve never been and I really didn’t want to let my friends down. It rained most of the time we were down there and that just made my sickness worse. (I know, I know, I knew better. My mom has yelled at me enough about it and I’m almost 29 years old.)

When I woke up Sunday morning I literally thought I had died. I couldn’t move out of bed and the kids were going to be here in just a few hours. The next few days were a blur of cold medicine and dragging myself around the house to get the kids to and from school while saving enough energy and make dinner.

Work wouldn’t let me come in, so I laid on the couch and began to binge watch Shameless. I finished all six seasons in two weeks. LOL I’m telling you that takes talent and dedication. I am SO excited for season seven to start in less than two weeks! Anyone else watch Shameless?

The kids were absolutely horrible for me the past two weeks. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I cried myself to sleep because they were acting like two kids I had never seen before. I understand that their life was a little crazy too. Their Dad left for another two weeks and they missed him — hell, I missed him too and they just started back to school with new routines! But damn, they were relentless. They fought with each other non-stop, lied to me multiple times with the excuse of: “you don’t yell and get mad at us like all the other parents do.” — I call bullshit, and they just over all had no interest in listening to a word I had to say.

You best believe I felt like a complete failure of a mother on top of feeling like complete crap from being sick. I got to the point where I finally dragged myself to the doctor and found out I had walking pneumonia and they gave me antibiotics to begin to the getting better process. By the time the antibiotics began to work Matt was getting ready to head home from Florida.

I picked him up at the airport and we went and picked up the kids from school. The look on their faces when they saw Matt were priceless and I know that it will be etched into his memory forever. And since Matt has been home….they have been complete angels. Go figure.

Who doesn’t love a good Throwback Thursday? Thursday’s I will write a post with a picture and a story attached or reblog a post I wrote awhile back! This week I chose to reblog a post I wrote during the A-Z Challenge!

Growing up I watched every single Disney princess movie made. I LOVED princess stories. I was my daddy’s little princess. So obviously I associated the word Stepmother with something wicked, scary, and EVIL. It was just embedded in my brain that if I ever had a stepmother, she would be evil. She would be horrible and I would hate her, because that is what happened in every fairy tale I read or watched.

Think about it. There is Cinderella, she had her evil stepmother, Lady Tremaine, who was just flat out awful. Then there is the Evil Queen in Snow White, she tried poisoning her step daughter because she was jealous of how pretty she was. Then there is Hansel and Gretel’s step mother who made her husband leave his kids in the middle of the woods with nothing more than a piece of bread, because well, she was a selfish bitch too.

In Chinese fairy tales, it is actually pretty common to find stories about evil stepmothers. There is one called Classic of Filial Piety, where an evil stepmother had two sons of her own and would make sure they were fed and clothed with warm winter clothes, but her poor step son, who lost his mother when he was young, was neglected and left to freeze.

There are Danish and German fairy tales where stepmothers hated their stepchildren just because they wanted the family inheritance. The creepiest of them all is a Korean folktale called Janghwa, Hongryeon. The step mother actually kills her two step daughters. It’s an actual MOVIE that was made in 2003. It’s called Tale of Two Sisters.

I mean, come on people. Not all stepmothers are evil. We don’t ride on broom sticks and we aren’t going to make your life a living hell on purpose. All of these fairy tales weren’t really helpful when it came to meeting my munchkin’s friends when they were little. Can you imagine the look on their faces when they said “This is my stepmother.” Their friend’s eyes would be as big as saucers and just stare at me as if they were waiting for me to do an evil laugh.

I’m not an evil step mama and the evil stepmother stories don’t really bother me anymore. But when I use to read the fairy tale stories to the kids when they were younger, I usually always skipped those ones. No need to fill their heads with ideas LOL.

What I would really love is for there to be fairy tales about the awesome step mamas. Like ones called “The Step Mama Who Saved the Day” or something along those lines. Hmm…maybe I’m on to something here!

So throw out those Evil Stepmother thoughts and forget what you were taught when reading those fairy tales. Not all step mothers are evil, all we really want is a little love and support. We are just as afraid as everyone else entering this blended family lifestyle.