In other news involving managerial types who may or may not have been promoted beyond the scope of their competence at a ludicrously early stage of their career, André Villas-Boas will be named as the new manager of Tottenham Hotspur next week. He had been offered a job by the Treasury Sao Paulo, but he doesn't want it, so.

Everton will continue to peel flesh from the bones of Sevco 5088 Ltd by offering a contract to Steven Naismith.

Having got rid of Cesc Fábregas last year, Arsenal are looking to offload several other Strikers Who Are Not Really There. Bye bye to Nicklas Bendtner, Marouane Chamakh and Park Chu-young, then. But who's going to pay cash money for any of them? Well isn't that the million-dollar question. It's one nobody's bothered answering, we can tell you that for free.

Manchester United, whose fans have recently been moaning about how much Manchester City's money distorts competition, have just lodged a £30m bid for a 20-year-old. Porto winger James Rodríguez is the man in question.

Florent Malouda is off to Vasco da Gama.

Daniel Alves will leave Barcelona, currently by some distance the best club side on the planet, for Manchester City. Actually, Manchester United fans might have a semblance of a point. Like City supporters care.

Tottenham Hotspur, who had beaten Liverpool to the signature of Gylfi Sigurdsson, haven't agreed personal terms with the player yet, and might be beaten to the signature of Gylfi Sigurdsson by Liverpool. Wonder what will happen tomorrow? What will we do when the lad finally puts pen to paper with someone? Never mind, both clubs are also after Daniel Sturridge.

Players Spurs May Not Be Signing III: Jan Vertonghen, who won't be leaving Ajax unless they cough up 15% of the £10m fee.

Players Who Won't Be Playing For Spurs Next Season XXXVIII: Luka Modric, who's off to Real Madrid. Tottenham want Ricardo Carvalho and 23-year-old Turkish midfielder Nuri Sahin in return.

Today's Robin van Persie rumours aren't new either, but we may as well copy them down, our quality control's gone right out the window today. He's off to Manchester City, which means disappointment for his other main suitor Juventus, who have accordingly turned their attentions to Edinson Cavani.

And it hasn't taken long for quietly seething Aston Villa boss Paul Lambert to convince owner Randy Lerner of the benefits of opening his wallet. A wee narrowing of the Lambertian peepers, a slow exhalation of air through the nose, and suddenly Lerner's spending a couple of million pounds on Feyenoord's Moroccan international midfielder Karim El Ahmadi, and liking it as well. Next up: Lerner's jacket.