Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

What do I do?

In February I found out my husban had been having an affair since November. He said he ended it and we went to counseling. I found out on Mother's day he was still seeing her. He says he still loves me, but loves her too. He just can't seem to let her go. Tonight he just left to go to her house, yes he still lives here. He says he is going to try to end it again and come home. I told him I would try if he did. I know I'm crazy. How do I let him go?

Oh my gosh, I can totally relate. My husband began his affair in Feb. I found out in May. He tells me he loves me too. He is now living with her in our house. You have to take care of yourself. Give youself positive feedback. This happened because of him, not you.

Baby, you still have rights. Look into them before it's too late. I have a friend who this happened to and before she could form the words to curse his ass out, he had moved the slut into their house and cleaned out their joint accounts. He was able to dothis because he transferred the monies and left her $20 in each of 3 accounts. How? Because he was co-owner. From the moment my husband cheated and I found out about it, I established separate checking and savings accounts. He didn't like it at first, but he is cool with it now because he has no choce in the matter. He proved to me what he was capable of and I PROVED TO HIM THE EXACT SAME.

Alright. First off, start making your plans. Yes, it might take awhile before they can be implemented, but you can start now. Document everyting you can find, establish a safe place you and your daughter can be. Personally, Id be inclined to throw his stuff on the front lawn and let him go live with her.

Set your boundaries. Her or you. NOT both. He needs to decide, and I wouldnt trust or believe him if he quickly tells you he loves you and wants to stay right away. He will need to prove it to you. Empower yourself. You and your child do not deserve any of this treatment.

He wants to end it and come home? Thats good, but its not good enough. Make a list of the things you require in order for him to come home. They should include....

Him sending a No Contact letter/email to her. You should see it, and even help write it. It should be clear that no contact is required. There should be CLEAR consequences if he breaks it. Like him getting kicked out, or Divorce.

You require the 100% truth about what happened. Complete disclosure. Now is the time for him to be totally honest with you.

Transparancy and accountability. He needs to start to work his ass off to earn your trust. Passwords, cellphones, where he is at all times. Demand this.

The fact that he was lying through his teeth while you were in MC is bad bad bad bad. He has alot of work to do to prove to you that hes worth the risk and the effort.

Understand this though, and it might be painful to hear.

An affair can involve some really crazy feelings. When a cheating spouse tries to end it, they are basically quitting and giving up their drug. Make no mistake, it is like an addiction, complete with withdrawl symptoms. It is very common for a cheater to be torn between their AP and their spouse. Its called the &quot;fog&quot;. The feeling of not being able to let her go is real, and he feels the pain and the suffering.

It will pass. NC is a must. MUST.

Any further contact with this woman from him HAS to result in IMMEDIATE and SERIOUS consequences.

I know you are worried about your finances and your daughter. Do you have friends/family you can go to for help?

Hang in there. You are in control of this situation. Do not forget that.

I just came from my lawyers. Since I earn more than him, he can actually get alimony!!!. I will have to buy him out of the house and he can get 1/2 my retirement! How can this be fair? I can't make him move out. If I throw his stuff out, I'm violating the law!

Do you want to divorce or are you looking to work on your marriage? Its good either way for you to be fact finding and info gathering at this point.

That just blows. 1/2 your retirement? wow. Thats just not right.

Hold your head up high. This is going to cost you, whether its emotional or financial, and its none of your doing or choice. At least you are the one with the moral highground. You didnt destroy your lives, he did. You didnt chose this, he did. Now, you are going to take care of yourself and your child, because it appears as though he wont.

He still lives here, but he is staying with her again tonight. I told him I went to the lawyer. He had no response. He says he wants to try, but he isn't willing to give her up. I just have to accept he just wants both worlds and I can't live that way

I've read a few different books on affairs (part of my new obsessive behavior after discovering my wife's affair). The one that seems to have the most pertinent advice for your situation is called &quot;Getting Past the Affair.&quot; In summary, you need to do what is best for you and what you want in the relationship, even if it flies in the face of conventional wisdom. For example, if you can tolerate his behavior for a brief time, you may want to give him a deadline like one month to end it or leave. Easier said than done. :(

When i read your story , (you life) , it sounded just like my life a few years ago. My husband had an affair i also found out on motherday of all days for it to happen. That is still hard for me to think about . my husband also said he loved me but that he cared for the OW also and said he would end it and kept going back . I finally had to lay down the law so to speak. I said it was either her or me he couldnot have both. I didnt let him go to her home alone i went with. I waited outside for 10mins while he told her good bye and to leave us alone , i stood outside the door and heard the whole thing , she didnt know i was there adn what a bitch she was she could twist thing like you would not beleive . She keep telling him that he had to chose her and then just as my husband got up to leave he said it was over and i walked in she freaked and that was that. We worked it out but it took us almost a year before it did. I still dont feel the same way about my husband like i did before but i wont lie i still cry at night and sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing but he says he loves me and he is good to the kids .

Florida (Adultery is a 2 year prison sentence) http://laws.findlaw.com/US/379/184.html The challenged statute is a part of chapter 798 entitled &quot;Adultery and Fornication.&quot;1 Section 798.01 forbids living in adultery and 798.02 proscribes lewd cohabitation. Both sections are of general application, both require proof of intercourse to sustain a conviction, and both authorize imprisonment up to two years.2 Section 798.03, [379 U.S. 184, 186] also of general application, proscribes fornication3 and authorizes a three-month jail sentence. http://laws.findlaw.com/US/424/448.html (Section 61.08, Florida Statutes), a wife found guilty of adultery could not be awarded alimony.

ALIMONY

The court may grant alimony to either the husband or the wife. Rehabilitative alimony may be for a limited period of time to assist in redeveloping skills and financial independence or permanent alimony until the receiving spouse's remarriage or the death of either party, or the Court may grant some combination of the two. Also the court may order through lump-sum alimony one party to pay the other party a lump-sum payment of money or property. Although adultery does not baran award of alimony, the court may consider the adultery of either spouse and the circumstances of that adultery in determining the amount of alimony to be awarded. http://www.divorcenet.com/states/florida/florida_divorce

798.01. Living in open adultery

Whoever lives in an open state of adultery shall be guilty of a misdemeanor of the second degree, punishable as provided in s. 775.082 or s. 775.083. Where either of the parties living in an open state of adultery is married, both parties so living shall be deemed to be guilty of the offense provided for in this section. http://sodomy.org/laws/florida/cohabitation.html

No Fault Divorce: Does adultery matter in Florida divorce?

* Send this page to somebody
* Print this page

By Law Offices of M. Donald Reddish, PL

Published: July 17, 2004

Florida is a &quot;no fault&quot; divorce state. This means that either party may seek a divorce without a showing of cause. The spouse seeking a divorce simply needs to state that the marriage is &quot;irretrievably broken&quot;. Who broke it or played the greater role in breaking it is not relevant. The &quot;irretrievably broken&quot; standard relieves the court of the complicated duty of deciding who is at fault, and the parties to the marriage are spared a very contentious court battle.

Nevertheless, the adulterous conduct of one spouse can impact other important issues raised in a divorce. In child custody battles, for instance, a court considers the &quot;moral fitness&quot; of a parent seeking custody. This &quot;moral fitness&quot; question opens the door for an introduction of the parent's adulterous behavior. According to the courts, the critical question is whether the adultery had or is reasonably likely to have an adverse impact on the child. Accordingly, adultery, while not in and of itself a bar to custody, requires an evaluation of the adulterer's conduct and the surrounding circumstances to determine the impact on the child.

The division of marital property and liabilities is another issue that may be impacted by adultery. Florida is an equitable distribution state so there is a presumption that the marital assets and liabilities should be evenly divided. This presumption of an even distribution may, however, be overcome by proof that one spouse has intentionally dissipated or wasted marital assets. Gifts, trips, apartment rent, car payments, and dinners for one's &quot;friend&quot; are all a waste of marital assets. The court may reduce the adulterer's share of martial assets to compensate a spouse for this waste of assets.

Under Florida Statutes adultery is specifically listed as a factor to be considered in determining the amount of alimony awarded, but courts have struggled to reconcile the consideration of adultery with the &quot;no fault&quot; concept. The bottom line is that the amount of alimony awarded a spouse is only increased if the adulterous conduct increases the spouse's monetary needs. But, remember judges are only human and evidence of adultery could conceivably color the judge's view of the parties.

Get a new lawyer. You're not being given the proper information, AT ALL. It was handed to you in lawyer's terms and should have been broken down a bit. Im a paralegal in PA, I see it happen all too often.

No fault doesn't mean EXACTLY how it was portrayed to be. Youre in an equitable distribution state- same as the Commonwealth of PA. Only difference? Adultery doesn't matter here anymore, and hasn't since 1972, but good luck for you? Florida still MAJORLY FROWNS UPON IT.

You have no idea how many times I'll read a post and think, &quot;Where the hell is BetrayedAngel??? Applause for BetrayedAngel. I was wondering when you'd add your million dollar knowledge gained from your training and profession. :)

Yes I am in therapy. Thank God. Tonight was the night. He was supposed to come home and stay with my daughter tonight. She waited and he again never came. This time I went there. He told me he had decided to leave me for her. I said fine, but you also left your daughter waiting for you. I could tell he was stoned out of his mind. Thank you to all of you who have responded, especially the the adultery laws in Florida. I will certainly be using those to get things my way. At least he is out of the house. I took everything I could including his licensce and ATM so he can't get to the bank before I do on Monday. Without ID he can't withdraw any money.

Miss Tree, I *so* feel your pain! This is what I was talking about in another post when I said in &quot;no-fault&quot; states, adultery is still illegal, but just a misdemeanor. Even in a NF state, you can still get a divorce on what few legitimate grounds are left: adultery, bigamy, and/or abuse/cruelty. HE can break the law and nobody will do anything about it or even enforce the law, but let YOU try to do anything about it, and it suddenly becomes YOUR fault and YOU get to pay for it??

I'm glad you went to see a lawyer, but every lawyer is different in how they approach a case and what they are willing to do. Ask around. Tell your friends you want the most ruthless, vicious shark out there. Go talk to THAT lawyer and see if you get a different story. I bet you will!

In the meantime, sounds like hubby needs some &quot;shock therapy&quot; to wake him up. Sounds like you don't have the luxury of just leaving for a couple weeks to force his hand - you'd only lose the house for &quot;abandoning&quot; him. What an ass this man is for putting you in this position and then begging you to keep taking it while he takes his sweet time to decide which of you he wants! This kind of psychological abuse is why some women just end up losing it and giving hubby the &quot;John Wayne Bobbitt&quot; treatment.

Keep your cool, Honey. Keep posting and getting all this out where you know it is safe. Keep yourself as level-headed and calm as you can, but definitely ask around and find another lawyer. The answers you got sound pretty lazy and jaded to me. Find someone who actually FEELS something for you - some indignation. You have every right to it, and you NEED someone who is fully on your side - not just going through the motions.

Hi all! This is for those of you that have or have had the same neurologist for 4 years or more. I have been with mine now since 2009. He is one of the best movement disorder secialists in the midwest. I know he is extremely busy on the lecture circuit now and in fact not taking new patients there is a huge waiting list for him. BUT.... I feel like my visits are not what they use to be. He...

theatre and I are there already. I'm having a very berry tea with crackers, cheese and cherry tomatoes and she's having a joint with some beer and we're both on really comfy recliners on thick pile carpet. we need some help with the decor if anyone is around??

All content posted on this site is the responsibility of the party posting such content.
Participation on this site by a party does not imply endorsement of any other party's content,
products, or services. Content should not be used for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.