LIVE car tests – driven by Jessica & Jeremy

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This new Nissan X-Trail is grey – but sadly not in a fifty shades-type way

I know that somewhere on this dashboard is a button to turn that bleeping lane departure warning system off. I know it’s bloody there but I can’t find it. I refuse to reach for the manual because my policy is EVERYTHING in a car should be intuitive.

The constant pinging on a motorway when I change lanes is already detracting from what I should be writing about. The new-look, radically overhauled X-Trail. (and before you send an email about the benefits of lane departure warning, I was taught that you only indicate when another driver around you benefits. Otherwise, why bother?).

Well, I can tell you the latest X-Trail is sleek, rather than square. It’s going to appeal to a much broader range of people than the outgoing model – and buyers of the Hyundai Santa Fe and Honda CR-V will now have another equally worthy option to ponder over.

The problem is, the new X-Trail now looks characterless too. At least the old, brick-shaped model was easy to spot. It had something about it – you could spot it in a car park of sleeker SUVs every time.

This beefed up Qashqai is nothing but grey. Not in a fifty shades-type way either. It just means that for the next seven days I’m going to blend in with everybody else, perfectly…