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"Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided women with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!"-Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

"This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Don't wait until your hair is on fire to read it."-Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help

"A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys."-Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man

Do you frequently find yourself putting your lover's needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair?

Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with men-and offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

This book clearly explains why so many women find themselves in fantasy marriages and romances with real men. Beverly Engel urges women to think, evaluate, and risk rejection before they repeatedly jump into the same trap. In a gentle voice, she offers commonsense guidelines for telling the truth, learning to trust perceptions, and using solitude. --(Evelyn Streit Cohen, M.S., M.A., marriage and family therapist and coauthor of Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love)

A terrific book, written with authority and sensitivity to men as well as women--(.full of useful, fresh information.--(Bradley Gerstman, Esq., Christopher Pizzo, CPA, and Rich Seldes, M.D., authors of What Men Want and Marry Me!)

"Groundbreaking, provocative, and substantial, this book will light the fire of every woman who seeks true intimacy and strength."--(Salli Rasberry, coauthor of Living Your Life Out Loud)

An abundant supply of useful strategies . Unique for its readers--(Sheila A. Rogovin, Ph.D., psychotherapist and coauthor of Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love)

Again, Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided womenwith wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a 'disappearing woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!--(Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If I'm So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?)

"Loving Him without Losing You is a powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read!"--(Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., New York Times bestselling author of Secrets About Life Every Woman Should Know and Are You the One for Me?)

"This is a book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys."--(Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man)

"When I was in college, we were all Disappearing Women. We didn't even think about it; that's just the way things were. Some of us grew out of it; some didn't. If we all had had this book, our lives might have turned out much differently. Buy this book so you can become your authentic self."--(Randi Kreger, coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells)

"In Loving Him Without Losing You Beverly Engel offers powerful wisdom and insight concerning the age-old problem of women losing themselves in their relationships with men. Unlike so many others, Beverly doesn't take the easy way out by blaming men but instead explores the phenomenon from a biological, cultural, and psychological perspective and offers women empowering suggestions about how to take responsibility for changing their situations."--(Patti McDermott, author of How to Talk to Your Husband; How to Talk to Your Wife)

"Loving Him Without Losing You is a wonderful resource and guide to finding oneself and tapping into creativity as a part of one's foundation for a life well lived. I recommend it highly."--(Lucia Capacchione, Ph.D.,author of Visioning: Ten Steps to Designing the Life of Your Dreams andThe Creative Journal)

--This text refers to an out of print or unavailable edition of this title.

From the Back Cover

Are you a Disappearing Woman?

"Beverly Engel has identified a widespread problem and provided women with wise guidelines for bursting through it. She writes with compassion and insight. If you think you are a Disappearing Woman, you will drink in this book as if it were a health-giving elixir. It is!"Susan Page, author of How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together and If Im So Wonderful, Why Am I Still Single?

"This remarkably helpful book offers new insights into why so many women surrender their individuality in relationships. Dont wait until your hair is on fire to read it."Maxine Schnall, founder and Executive Director of Wives Self Help

"A book of depth and power. I highly recommend it not only to women who lose themselves in their relationships with men but to the parents of adolescent girls who need to be taught how to view themselves as valuable beings separate from their relationships with men and boys."Michael Gurian, author of The Good Son and A Fine Young Man

Do you frequently find yourself putting your lovers needs ahead of your own? Do you tend to lose yourself in your romantic relationships? Have you ever neglected your career, your friends, or even your health while in the midst of a love affair?

Now, in this landmark book, Beverly Engel examines the intricate reasons why so many women submerge themselves in their relationships with menand offers a straightforward, empowering program that you can use to free yourself from the powerful grip of this all-too-common problem and rediscover yourself as a Woman of Substance.

More About the Author

Beverly Engel is an internationally recognized psychotherapist and an acclaimed advocate for victims of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse. She is the author of 21 self-help books, including 4 best selling books on emotional abuse: The Emotionally Abusive Relationship, The Emotionally Abused Woman, and Encouragements for the Emotionally Abused Woman, and Healing Your Emotional Self. Her latest book entitled, It Wasn't Your Fault: Freeing Yourself from the Shame of Childhood Abuse with the Power of Self-Compassion came out in Jan. of 2015. Engel is a licensed marriage and family therapist, and has been practicing psychotherapy for 35 years.

Beverly's books have often been honored for various awards, including being a finalist in the Books for a Better Life award. Many of her books have been chosen for various book clubs, including One Spirit Book Club, Psychology Today Book Club and Behavioral Sciences Book Club. Her books have been translated into many languages, including Japanese, Spanish, Chinese, Korean, Greek, Turkish and Lithuanian.

In addition to her professional work, Beverly frequently lends her expertise to national television talk shows. She has appeared on Oprah, CNN, and Starting Over, and many other TV programs. She has a blog on the Psychology Today website as well as regularly contributing to the Psychology Today magazine, and has been featured in a number of newspapers and magazines, including: Oprah Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, Marie Claire, The Chicago Tribune, The Washington Post, The Los Angeles Times, The Cleveland Plain Dealer, and The Denver Post.

She regularly conducts training workshops throughout the United States and the United Kingdom, for both professional and lay audiences. Recently she has been conducting trainings on emotional abuse for the United States Army, in both Texas and Georgia as part of their domestic violence training for staff.

Most Helpful Customer Reviews

Having had two failed marriages, I have read numerous books on relationships looking for answers. _Loving_Him_without_Losing_You_ has given me not only a much greater insight into why I have had such problems with men, but has also given me hope that the future can be very different.Engel speaks to almost every woman, for almost no one has managed to escape the usual relationship "wisdom" in our culture of women "adapting" to meet their men's needs (by hiding accomplishments, giving up interests and friends if "he" doesn't like them, etc.). Engels gives us another, healthier way to build relationships, by staying true to our authentic selves. Ironically, this advice which is so contrary to what most of us learned is the *only* way to have a truly satisfying relationship--more satisfying for the man as well as the woman--as Engel convincingly argues.Numerous exercises throughout the book help the reader discover her patterns, uncover issues from the past and work through them, and discover her authentic self. Engel also gives valuable information on creating a women's circle or support group, and finding a therapist if necessary.A compassionate, intelligent, inspiring book. Read it! Buy it! Live it!

Beverly's book has been the catalyst for me to begin loving myself. I have had the opportunity to put into practice the suggestions that she makes in her book and I can happily say that they work! I find that it really is o.k. to love me first; to take care of myself; and the rest of my life is falling into place the way that I have wanted it to for so many years. I hope that everyone who has had a problem in relationships will read this book because it can only enhance the positive. Thank you to Beverly for all of her years of study and her gift of being able to communicate that knowledge to others through her books. Enjoy.

I've heard it said that the most important relationship a person can have is the one they have with themselves. It's that bit of wisdom that is at the heart of this book. It isn't some glib, flavor-of-the-moment, one-size-fits-all typical relationship book. It won't ask you to play by any "rules" or tell you that men are from a different planet or show you how to figure out if a guy is into you or not. The danger with those books is that they are too superficial and general and in the wrong hands can do much more harm than good. Just look at some of their reviews and you'll see what I mean.

I suspect that there isn't a woman out there who has picked up one of those books who would not be much better served by reading this one instead. Almost all women have some propensity to lose themselves in their romantic relationships with men and when those relationships fail or become unsatisfying they want to know why it happened. Ms. Engel tells us that we have to look within ourselves to find those answers.

The bad news is that finding those answers takes work. The good news is that it can be done and I guarantee that if you read this book you will start to find out more about yourself than you ever will by reading the current self-help best seller.

Most of us are so focused on our relationships with men that we neglect the one with have with ourselves. This book will help you get back in touch with who you are as a person. It shifts the focus from men back onto ourselves and helps us find ways to become fully realized, individual adult human beings. It's only by doing this that we can prepare ourselves to enter into healthier relationships with men.Read more ›

I am sure that Beverly's book will prove helpful to any woman -or man- who reads it. After fourteen years with my husband,ten of which have been married, we were in a funk. After reading "Loving Him without Losing You," I learned how to ask for more; care for others more meaningfully; comfort myself more lovingly and stand against things that were not necessarily helpful. Our relationship has become much more nourishing. I highly recommend this book to every woman who wants to become more whole in her life. Thank you, Beverly!

I totally agree with Ada & I couldn't have said it better, this should be required reading for all women. I have always given to others 1st & after reading this book I can see mistakes I have made in my past, I truly became a disappearing woman in my marriage. Though I have been single for sometime now & I am making steps to NOT disappear, after all don't we all want to be truly loved for our TRUESELVES with the peace & comfort of having a "soft place to fall" to be loved unconditionally can only be accomplished by being authentic. We as woman or taught don't speak up, don't make waves, agree even when you don't agree, stuff it down or the people you love will leave you or not love you anymore, what a burden we place on ourselves & can become full of resentment, regrets, as if we have to be or say or look a certain way inorder to be loved? I highly recomend this book even if you feel like you may not be invisible it is a wonderful guide, without bashing men, we do teach others how to treat us, & if we are not being respected, or treated with kindness as we should others than why allow it? we can't change others but we can surely change ourselves.