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What’s The Deal With Phone Sex? Part Two

In part one of this series, we discussed the fact that professional ~ as in “paid for” ~ phone sex is alive and well, with the income and investments to prove it. Now it’s time to talk about why paying for phone sex is so popular.

The best place to get those answers is right from the callers themselves. However, the men who pay for phone sex are a much quieter lot than you might think. Sure, they may moan and even scream on the telephone; but unlike the johns and punters who discuss the hobby and review the services of escorts, phone sex clients are less likely to talk in public, including on websites and forums, about their passionate encounters. As Lynn of Phone Sex Secrets says, there just isn’t the same need for sharing information with phone sex providers as there are in real-world flesh meetings. And phone sex clients are different sorts of cats than other seekers of sex work services.

Phone sex, by nature, is a very private affair and I do believe that is part of the silence about it. However, I was able to convince three fine regular users of professional phone sex services to share their thoughts on why they pay for phone sex. The gentlemen callers are Gary, Rex, and Roue Ataraxia (husband of Silent Porn Star); and here are their stories. (Along with links to some of their favorite phone sex operators!)

Roue: It’s really not the same. Many women just don’t have the stuff it takes. Not to be unkind or to speak for women everywhere or anything, but that’s been my experience.

I think the real reason we’re going with a pro is for her experience and abilities — and the fact that we are seeking our own orgasm. Yes, it’s cool to think there’s mutual masturbation going on, but I think that’s part of the fantasy or a delusion we tell ourselves, if we are being honest. Because the best phone sex is about our fantasies, our masturbation. I’m not saying that she or her orgasm don’t matter. I’m just saying that I’m paying to get myself off, it’s about my trip. Not to sound like a selfish pig or anything, but it’s my dime. By paying for it, I ensure that our talk is focused on what I desire. There’s no conflict of interest, however unintentional it might be when you, uh, get tugged in different directions collaborating for free.

Rex: And it’s about my time. I don’t have to feel bad about a 3 a.m. call fucking-up her schedule. Or three calls in a day being too intrusive in her life. It’s her work and either the PSO is available or willing to schedule for that time I want, or she’s not; no apologies, explanations, or whining needed on either side. I also don’t have to feel guilty if I don’t contact her for weeks — or ever again. That’s the convenience of a paid service that really doesn’t exist elsewhere.

Gary: For me, paying for phone sex also means I’m not going to suffer any entanglements. I’m not leading anyone on; she’s not leading me on. She provides a willing service; I willingly pay for it. We both hang up feeling pretty good about the transaction knowing that it’s just a transaction.

I don’t want to sound like one of those misogynistic assholes who “uses” a woman because I absolutely do not feel that way about women in general or phone sex operators in specific. I’ve every indication they enjoy what they do — at least enough to keep taking my calls. (And they don’t have to take my calls, accept my requested appointments, or deal with my fantasy requests unless they want to. They can say no or even just hang-up.) I don’t think paying for such a service is any different than any other profession. I mean, we don’t consider it “using” a doctor for their medical experience or “using” a cashier at the store when we check-out. And I just hate it when I read that sort of thing saying we “use women” by calling phone sex lines.

So why phone sex? Why not just masturbate to pics, watch porn, or seek other sex services?

Gary: Phone sex is the safest and yet the most personal way to connect with a person to have a sex fantasy brought to life. Safe in terms of no fluids shared, safe in terms of being in your own home or other comfortable environment, safe in terms of the law, safe in terms of the anonymity and acceptance — but yet you are not all alone in the fantasy either.

Rex: I’ll admit I’ve gone the escort route a couple of times, legally, and I’ve gone to strip clubs and massage joints too. But they are far too… I want to say “messy” but… LOL Primarily, they are not as safe and convenient for me in terms of access and getting what I want. It’s far easier to message with a PSO and discuss what you want and, when you are pretty sure she can deliver what you want, make an appointment that fits your schedule. When it’s done, it’s done; there’s no drama and no drive back home (or, as usually my case, back to the hotel) when you’d rather just fall asleep.

God, we sound like selfish bastards.

But we’re not that bad really. Compare it to the choices in food. Going to a restaurant is less work than cooking your own dinner, but having a meal delivered is even better, right? It’s not the best way to eat every meal or even every night (and take it from the hotel-living guy, I make sure to get a suite with a kitchen so I can cook my own food). But there are times when it is a matter of treating yourself more than it is a matter of laziness. And that’s what I consider phone sex to be: a treat.

Roue: Photos are all your imagination; movies are too little of your own imagination. Phone sex is an interaction, a give and take between you and the PSO.

Gary: Not to mention, you can have photos and even video with your PSO experience. Often a PSO has images of herself, but even if she doesn’t, you can chat and send photos or watch a porno together. There are lots of options.

How important is the anonymity? Not just in terms of privacy, but for the fantasies?

Rex: It’s incredibly erotic to be so intimate and yet be talking with a stranger. Even if you have a regular PSO you talk to, you still only know each other in this fantasy world you’ve created. Never really seeing one another, never meeting, means the bubble is never burst.

Gary: Yeah, she may or may not be the girl in the pictures — but then I don’t have to be me either. I don’t even have to be human! Sometimes I’m a sadistic demon — or she is! But I could be an historical figure, a character from a movie, or whatever. You can even be an average guy who is just not you. Like you could be younger, richer, bigger, whatever. Or just bolder because you aren’t hampered or limited by anything but your words and descriptions, the scenes you create.

Rex: And when you do hang-up, the scenes and fantasy lives there in limbo until you pick up the phone and talk again. There’s no reality to get in the way and kill things, no intimacy to re-establish.

Roue: That’s the biggest thing for me — the break in reality. Most of my phone sex fantasies are things I would never do in real life. I don’t mean just because I’m a nice guy who is afraid to do those things, but I mean that they are things I would never really want to do.

Roue: Some things are just sexier in your head than they are in reality.

Rex: Or sexier in your hotel room with an anonymous stranger on the phone than they ever could be in reality.

Gary: I can’t really be a demon and take several women at a time — or find a demon with a dick and a tail to fuck me with. Pretending with multiple dildos and partners just couldn’t be as powerful as what we make-up on the phone.

Roue: And somethings while do-able just aren’t practical. Like who wants to clean-up after the bathtub full of mud?

Rex: Or pay for the delivery of that tub full of mud. LOL

So phone sex helps you get your deep kink on. But do you ever make calls that are more companionship oriented, like therapy or counseling sessions?

Roue: No, that would be crossing a line for me and my marriage. I mean we’re friendly, my PSOs and I. There’s often chit-chat before of after the main event. But any emotional connection or support I need I get from my wife.

Gary: I had a few of those sorts of calls when I first started calling PSOs. I felt I needed to establish a connection in order to share the twisted stuff. I find myself rarely having those sorts of calls anymore. But I do still have them.

Rex: I’ve a few regular girls I do call more for date-like experiences. It’s nice to have someone to watch tv or movies with or talk with me while I eat dinner in the hotel at 2 a.m. Like real dates, sometimes there’s sex, sometimes there’s not. It depends on where the mood and the moment takes us.

Are you married or in a relationship? If so, does your partner know about your phone sex habit?

Roue: You know the wifey does know — she’s the one who hooked me (like a fish) for this interview!

Rex: I’ve never been in a serious monogamous relationship for more than six months in my adult life. And now I avoid them like the plague. Traveling is one of the a hazards of my job. Traveling and extended stays overseas. Even when I’m in the states, I’m here for three months, then another city for six months, and so on. It’s just not conducive to building relationships. At all.

I’d like to say that when that great big One Day arrives and I’m in a situation where I can settle down and have that sort of life, a wife, that I won’t want phone sex. But it’s been six years of counting on it… I might be kidding myself that the phone sex calls will end then. I’d hope the companionship calls would be a thing of the past, but the real sex ones? I’m not so sure…I’m sure I’d figure that out before we’d marry, so there’d be time while the relationship is developing to know for sure and, should it still be something I want to do, to discuss it with her.

Gary: I’m divorced now — and not because of the phone sex or anything sex related either. We just had different goals and got married too damn quickly really. In a church that she grew close to and I out-grew. (Yeah, I’m one of those stereotypical recovering religious conservatives who plays with all sorts of taboos now.) Anyway, defensive fit over with…

When I was married I didn’t use phone sex services. If and when I get into another relationship, I’m not sure I’d still be interested in the phone sex. …Maybe I would. If so, I’m not sure how I would handle it. I’m not saying I would lie about it; but as long as the money I spent didn’t affect the household as a whole, would I need to tell her? I didn’t share my Playboy mags before, or tell her when I had used them… It’s private and why shouldn’t masturbation on the phone be the same way? I don’t think a person in a committed relationship has to share or divulge every masturbatory action.