Monday, January 17, 2005

Warning: Danger Ahead

First off, let me start this off with a single word: Nope.

That' right - you won't hear me ranting and raving that the Social Security mess currently being bleated by Bush's cronies was started by Republicans. Why? Because it wasn't. At least, not initially. Granted, perhaps you can blame them for continuing to fuck it up over the past 20 years, yes. But if one were to do that, you'd also have to turn around and blame the Democrats, too ... because they didn't slap the shit out of the Republicans once in those 20 years in an effort to stop it. Afterall, I firmly believe in the idea of 9/10ths of the law equals accessory therefore Democrats are as guilty as the Republicans are (Hey, you can't raise an arm for a slap when you lack a spine, eh?).

Nope, Republicans didnt CAUSE the Social Security mess and I believe that when you've got a problem ... you attack the sumbitch at its ROOTS. Just like de-weeding a garden! So, where's the root of the problem of Social Security? It started in the 1980s, when some dickhead ... some genetic defective shit-for-brains in a cheap suit came up with .................... A PLAN!!! And -- let's be serious -- you know when a politican is going to fuck up when they say those two magic words, okay. Why? Because nothing EVER goes as planned ... just like the title of Styx song of that very same decade! We ordinary people make plans all the time and 99% of them fuckin' fail miserably, don't they? Right! So why do we still make 'em?!? At those failure rates, doesn't it make sense to ... well .... outlaw planning whatsoever?

That's what we should do -- make planning a capital crime!!

Anyway, some dipshit came up a with plan. Who was that person? Somebody that Billmon accutately nicknames "Two-Face" just like in Batman -- ALAN GREENSPAN!! Here's how it happened: Back in the 1980s as co-chair of the Social Security Commissino, Greenspan hit up Marion Barry for a rock of crack, smoked it, and - through the buzz - he dreamed up an idea that the entire Social Security system be shored up by a sharp increase in payroll taxes (paid primarily by the working poor and the middle class) that should've generated large budget surpluses capable of floating the program through looming demographic changes. Unfortunately, he was too stoned to realize at the time that our nation's steel, agricultural, and automotive industies were going KER-PLUNK!! thanks to Reagan. As a result, there wasn't enough working poor or middle class for his idea to tread water since they'd lost their jobs. Those people went from the pay-roll lines ... to the welfare lines!

Now, fast forward to the mid-1990s and - once again - we've come across another dipshit who has A PLAN to "fix" Social Security. That dipshit was then President Clinton, whom milked his plan by tying it adroitly with the massive budget surplus. Democrats blew their testicles over the idea and Republicans blew their lids.

Today, in another effort to save Social Security from an impending crisis, The Bush Administration is pushing to put the system through the wringers of Wall Street using private accounts. As politics as usual, Democrats are now blowing their lids and the Republicans are blowing a nut over it. The idea sounds good in theory but won't work. Why? Easy -- Republicans only come running to "help" when there's enough coins rattling in your Folger's coffee can. Seriously, you take $200 in nickles and put it in a coffee can, stand out on your porch and rattle the sumbitch. You might catch the attention of a few animals and possible a Democrat or two. However, if you were to put $200,000 or more into the same coffee can, once you rattle it, you'll have just about everyone from the GOP all the way to every single employee of the Heritage Foundation right there on your front fucking lawn with their hands out. In other words, whenever the Goverment is sitting on a cashcow, Republicans come up with a "plan" to syphon as much as they can from it while bullshitting the masses with a plan that -- on the surface -- sounds about as inviting and risk-free as a those "Win $1,000,000" spam-scams we all get in our E-mail. Seriously, isn't it awfully strange that when Republicans are the minority, they belittle Social Security by lumping it in the same category as "welfare" but as soon as they hold the majority, they turn a complete 180 saying that the Social Security system is "great for seniors" yet it is something that is suddenly "in a crisis" that needs to be "saved" ...

Don't fall for it. We been there. Done that. We should've wiped our asses with Greenspans tie when we had the chance.

Critics within both camps (including Dubya's brigade) are saying that there is no short term crisis with Social Security and fear even talking about it is akin to political suicide. Personally, I'm going with the CBO's report that the system is fully solvent up until 2047, giving us plenty of time to look at a score of options before we commit to some spur-of-the-moment coooked up plan. To me, I think we'd better save Social Security by simply overhauling our tax system alltogether. Instead of a tax system that lives or dies via the payroll method, we should ixnay the entire IRS by simply moving to a tax system that's based on consumption just like the ideas outlined at http://www.fairtax.org