Dr. Marshall Goldsmith has been acknowledged multiple times as the top executive coach in the world, as well as one of its Top 50 most influential business thinkers. Harvard Business Review recognized Marshall as the World’s No. 1 Leadership Thinker.

His books have reached best-seller status in 12 countries and have been translated into 30 languages. His latest book, Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts — Becoming the Person You Want to Be, was selected as one of the Top 100 management and self-help books of all time by Amazon.com.

Goldsmith is one of a very select group of executive advisors who has worked with more than 150 major CEOs and their management teams. He was also recognized as a National Volunteer of the Year by the International and American Red Cross.

CRAIG DOWDEN: You have coached a lot of executives over the course of your career. What are their biggest blind spots?

DR. GOLDSMITH:

Winning too much. If it’s important, they want to win. If it’s trivial, they want to win. If it’s not worth it, they want to win anyway.

Here’s an example. Let’s pretend you want to go to dinner at Restaurant X, but your husband, wife, friend, etc. makes arrangements to go to Restaurant Y. Unfortunately, the food tastes awful. Now, you have two options. Option A, you can critique the food and point out to your partner that “This could have been avoided if you had listened to me.” Option B, shut up, eat the food, try to enjoy it and have a nice evening. What would you do? What should you do? Almost all my clients say, “What would I do? Critique the food. What should I do? Shut up.”

If it’s important, they want to win. If it’s trivial, they want to win. If it’s not worth it, they want to win anyway.

Here’s an even worse example. You have a hard day at work. When you get home, your husband, wife or partner says, “I had such a hard day today.” Would I empathize or would I reply, “You think you had a hard day? Do you have any idea what I had to put up with today?”

Sadly, we are so competitive we have to prove we are more miserable than the people we live with. I gave that example to a class at Dartmouth College. A young man at the back raised his hand, said, “I did that last week.” I asked him what happened. He said, “My wife looked at me and said, ‘Honey, you think you’ve had a hard day? It’s not over.’ ”

Another major problem for leaders is wanting to add too much value. What does that mean? Let’s say I’m young, smart and enthusiastic and report to you. When I come to you with a great idea that you really like, rather than just saying, “Great idea,” most times leaders will say “That’s a good idea. Why don’t you add this to it?” The problem is, that while the quality of the idea might go up five per cent, my commitment to execute it might go down 50 per cent because it is no longer my idea. It’s very difficult for smart, successful people, especially technically trained people, not to constantly try adding value.

One of my good coaching clients who retired several years ago, J.P. Garnier, the CEO of GlaxoSmith Kline, highlighted another prevalent blind spot. “I learned a hard lesson,” he said. “My suggestions become orders. If they’re smart, they’re orders. If they’re stupid, they’re orders. If I want them to be orders, they’re orders. And if I don’t want them to be orders, they become orders anyway. You have to be very careful about what you say and how you say it.”

CD: What is one of your favourite exercises when you deliver an executive development workshop?

MG: It’s called Feedforward and there are only two rules. Learn as much as you can and help as much as you can.

To start, everyone finds a partner and the first person says, for example, “My name is Joe and I want to be a better listener.” They ask for one or two quick ideas for the future, no feedback about the past. Whatever the person tells them, they shut up and listen. Then it’s their partner’s turn and the process is repeated. Each person talks to as many people as they can during the time allotted.

Asked to describe this exercise in one word, 95 per cent of the people around the world say it’s positive, useful, helpful, even fun. I believe one of the reasons it’s fun is because you are focused on the future, not on the past. There is also no judging or critiquing. You learn a lot in a short period of time without getting dumped on.

MG: Breathe. Take a breath. Imagine you’re 95 years old and you’re getting ready to die. But before you take your last breath, you’re given a beautiful gift: the ability to go back in time and talk to the you who’s reading this article. You have the ability to help yourself be a better leader, but much more important, the ability to help you have a better life. What advice would the wise 95-year-old you, who now knows what matters and doesn’t matter in life, have for today’s you? In terms of performance appraisals, that is the only one that matters. If that old person says you did the right thing, you did. If that old person says you made a mistake, you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.

Friends of mine interviewed old people who were dying and asked, “What advice would you have for yourself if you could go back in time?”

Three themes came out of their research: First, was three words — be happy now. Not next week. Not next month. Not next year. It’s that great western disease, “We’ll be happy when… .”

Second, appreciate friends and family. Although your job may seem very important right now, when you’re 95 years old on your deathbed, none of your coworkers will be waving goodbye.

And third, if you have a dream, go for it. Because if you don’t go for it when you’re 25, you may not when you’re 35 and you probably won’t when you’re 85. You may not win, but at least you tried. Old people almost never regret the risk they take and fail. They regret the risk they failed to take.

This interview has been edited and condensed.

Craig Dowden (PhD) is president and founder of Craig Dowden & Associates, a firm focused on supporting clients in achieving leadership and organizational excellence by leveraging the science of peak performance. Dowden delivers evidence-based executive coaching and leadership development training to his clients. You can connect with him by email or LinkedIn, or follow him on Twitter @craigdowden.