Mom's Sticky Fingers Sound Like Kleptomania

March 08, 1994|By Ann Landers.

Dear Ann Landers: It took much thought and prayer before I could sit and write this letter. I need your help.

I have a very serious problem, and I can't discuss it with anyone. My mother steals. When she comes to visit, she goes through my drawers and closets, as well as the personal papers in my desk. She has taken many items from my home. Other relatives have told me that after she has visited them, several items were missing.

A psychologist friend told me that my mother steals from me because she is envious. Is this true? It seems incomprehensible.

Do you have any suggestions as to why she does this and what I can do about it?

No Name, No Town

Dear N.N.N.T.: Sorry, I don't agree with your psychologist friend. I believe your mother is a kleptomaniac. This means she has a neurotic compulsion to take things-often things she has no use for.

Why does she do it? It could be for any of a variety of reasons. One-she enjoys risk-taking, especially if she "wins." Or, she feels that life has shortchanged her, and she's trying to get even.

By all means, confront your mother, and urge her to get counseling before she gets caught shoplifting in a store and is arrested.

Dear Ann Landers: I would like to encourage parents to take the time to teach their children moral and spiritual values. It does pay off. It may take years before you can see the results, but I am convinced it is worth the effort.

A former classmate of my son stopped me in the supermarket recently. He said, "I'm sure you will be proud of `Tom' when I tell you what happened."

It seems Tom recently attended his 22nd high school reunion. As always, the men were talking in one circle, and the women were talking in another. The discussion got around to the first time they had sex.

One of Tom's classmates said, "It happened when I was 16, in the back seat of a car." Another said, "I was 17, and it was on the sofa at the girl's house." Still another said, "I was only 15-and it was behind the bushes at the park." And so it went.

When it got to my son, there was an unusual silence. He said, "I was taught that sex is not a game but a gift you share with someone you love. I was 21 and very much in love with the young lady."

One of the young men in the circle laughed and said, "Yeah, but did you marry her?" Tom said, "No, unfortunately, she passed away." The subject was changed immediately.

Hearing that story made me even prouder of Tom. Please tell parents that it may take a long time for them to discover that their early training paid off, but it is well worth the wait.

M.K., South Whitley, Ind.

Dear Whit: I agree that early training does indeed pay off-and so does setting a good example.

Children tend to pay more attention to what they SEE than to what they are told. Take my word for it, pre-teens pick up on things a lot quicker than you think. They are much savvier than you were when you were their age. Trust me.

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