September 1, 2014

The Beginning

Well friends, it's been a long time. Two years, two children, new church, new job, almost new state. Yes, a new state. This is the adventure that is currently unfolding. Let's start at the beginning.....

Last summer, we went on vacation to Idaho with our besties.

The purpose of our trip was to see if any of us would consider moving there. The Mister has some family in the area, so we also visited them. We spent our time exploring the city where we stayed and doing typical touristy activities. While we all saw aspects of the city we liked, none of us were crazy about the big city vibe we were getting. Our family, in particular, was looking for something more rural and farm-y. Towards the end of the trip, we drove outside the city to see Mike's sister. And we saw this...

We fell in love. It felt like coming home. We stayed there for three days, and came home with the decision we would move there. I was pregnant with our third, and there was some potentially scary stuff happening with him, so I didn't want to start the moving process until he was born. Here we are with him now, love of my life, almost one year old...

So after he was born as perfect as can be, Mike put in a transfer request through his company to work in the nearest town. It was quickly denied, due to lack of available position. Although, we quickly learned as we grew to know the people and the area, Californians are often considered......less than desirable people. There is a "California culture" people from Idaho speak of, and not in a fond way. So he put his transfer request in three more times over several months, all to no avail. California gives parents six weeks of paid baby bonding leave to be used within the first year of their child's life, so we thought we had it all planned. Mike would take his six weeks and we'd have plenty of time to move and get settled. Although, as is often the case, God did not see this perfect plan we brought Him. As his request was denied time and time again, we became discouraged, knowing we wanted to go but not seeing a way.

Sidenote: totally not sure what is happening with my face here. Blame it on being eight months pregnant.

Over the last year, we have become focused on natural living, including natural medicine and healthy eating, but the outrageous pricing of healthy foods did not allow us to fully encompass the lifestyle as we wished. So each denial was so discouraging. We went for another visit in late spring, and both felt it totally confirmed to us that this is where we wanted to be.

The paid time off has to be used before the child turns one year, so we decided to attempt to transfer again one last time, just before the time would be up, as a last ditch effort. And, what do you know? God, in His usual fashion, decided now was the time. The very last moment, last effort, and that's when He chose to allow things to happen. And there were so many details of how it all came to be, ways that God used many people in the process of encouraging the managers of the store to allow him to transfer.

They gave him a start date of FIVE weeks away. A year of waiting, and now we have five weeks?!?! To sell what we can, pack up everything we own, sell our house, say our goodbyes.....five weeks seemed so short.

I wanted to move. I was fully on board. I wanted chicken, goats, cows, a garden. But when it became a reality? It didn't go well. Terrified, sorrowful, angry......those were the emotions I was feeling, not excited, happy, elated. I was dreading telling my family and friends. I was feeling such deep sorrow, as if I was feeling my pain plus the pain I knew I was causing others. I didn't allow myself to experience any happiness, because I wanted to feel as bad as I thought everyone else would feel. It was a dark few days, filled with bitterness, anger, and a deep sadness I would equate to losing a loved one in death. I started blaming poor Mike, my mind quickly forgetting I had been so excited about this a short time before. Luckily, it's hard to keep me down for long. Once I got over the excruciating experience of telling my loved ones, a small sliver of excitement started to pierce through the dark, like rays of sun sneaking through thunderclouds.

This old barn is on my sister-in-law's property.

We have been so busy, moments of sadness come in waves, but the excitement is growing. Right now? We have no plans. We have no money (please sell, house!). We have no idea what comes next. And if I meditate on those thoughts, I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest. So instead, I choose to meditate on The Lord. The One who's very words will be a light unto my path. My path is dark. Scary. Unknown. Filled with bumps and ditches? Possibly. But I've got my light to show me the way. The Lord has opened this door, and it's my job to walk through it. It's not my job to light the path. It's my job to hold onto the Light as I walk. Today, I don't know where I'll be living in three weeks, when or if my house will sell, and whether I will love it or hate it in my new home state. But today, I choose to trust the same God who has proven Himself faithful to me countless times, who I have seen provide in miraculous ways, who I know has my best interest in mind. So friends, if you stop by my house, you may find me giddy with excitement or heaving with sorrow, but I know that this is only the beginning, good things are to come, and I serve a good God.