Kellygreenstrat (Colin)'s Blog (3)

Too many times now I have been struck down in sharp grief and reacted in ways I didn't think were lifelike. I keep sailing through this sea, sometimes foggy sometimes not. I get that this is fairly new to me. I get that my journey is only just beginning. I get that there are new surprises around every corner. I just find it startling when my reaction is stronger than expected.

A few months ago I woke screaming from a deep sleep because I heard Vicky screaming for help, as she had…

Music has always played a huge roll in my life. Since birth I've had headphones on, even to the point where I hear music when there is none. There has always been a song for my mood. No matter how funky or blue, happy or melancholy I've always been able to find music that fits. However over the last few years especially I've found myself searching for something that's out of reach. Nothing makes me happy or soothes the mood. Nothing fits.

I remember talking with a friend who lost her father suddenly, about how devastating it was for her. I remember her talking about how she never got the chance to say goodbye. I remember her asking which would be worse, watching the person you love the most slowly slip away, or losing them suddenly? This question stuck with me for a long time. Well into my wife's long battle with cancer. I lost mine slowly. I lost mine painfully.