Archive for June, 2010

I’m done with Modern Warfare 2. Now, I know you say “Chris, what the hell, not another post about video games”, but stuff it. It says that there’s video games right in the sub-title for the goddamn webpage. Now quit your imaginary bitching, figurative representation of my blog.

There’s Tac-Knifing, Noob-Tubing, Spawn-Camp-Noob-Tubing, Quick-Scoping, Flag-Camp-Noob-Tubing, Camp-Tac-Knifing, Wall Hax, Regular Hax, Good Old Fashioned Camping, and a plethora of other fucking tactics that get me so angry I rip apart my larynx with sound. Whatever. As of right now, I’m done with it all. That’s right. I’m trading in Modern Warfare 2 on Fallout: New Vegas. That’s right, the next big game is going to be mine. I’m getting the collector’s edition, with the cards, the chips, the rules for all the card games, and whatnot… it’s going to be insane. And it’ll be all mine. Goodbye, Modern Warfare 2. You can suck a fat dick, because I’m fucking done with your faggot ass.

And if you think that’s bad, you should hear me rage out in-game. You can tell that my dad’s a sailor.

On the plus side of video games, I’m going to have a few friends pay for a WoW account. Fun times.

Whew. WordPress was down for a while. I was getting worried that I wasn’t going to be able to do my post. Anyway, here it is…

School. It’s wrapping up fast. All I have to do is suffer through another hour of marching practice, then nail a sign into the ground, and I’m done for the rest of my life. That’s it. I’ll never take classes at this place again. While, on the one hand, I enjoy that though, it’s kind of instilled me with a bit of a “now what” feeling? I hope it passes.

There was something else I was going to tell you guys… hang on while I check.

Oh yeah, my list of regrets/thanks, I suppose. Well, I can’t really point anything out in particular, really. I don’t regret much, and I’m not thankful that I did much. It’s all kind of neutral, which is what I’m afraid my life will be. I hope not.

I didn’t think that I was going to pass them all. I mean, there were a few moments where I was thinking “yeah, there’s no way in hell I’m going to have enough time to do all these…” but it turns out that I am. I’m going to be pressed as hell for time, though, so I’d better get going. Well, there’s nothing I can really do here, which kind of sucks. But whatever, I’m fine otherwise. Anyway…

What the hell, it’s just hit me all of a sudden. Folks, I’m going to be out of high school. Like no longer a senior. It just fully hit me today, when I looked in my cell phone camera to see if my hat was on straight and I saw myself in the cap and gown and everything, and I just went “Holy shit, this is happening. This is actually happening. I’m going to graduate. I freaking made it.” I was sure something traumatic was going to derail my high school career, but no. I’ve made it.

I’m going to save a big list of what I’m glad I did and what I’m sorry I did for next time. For now, though, enjoy the fact that millions of gallons of oil are being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico. I’m sorry, that’s bad. How about… enjoy your day?

It’s not good, folks. I can feel it. The sanity in my head- or whatever is left of it, anyway- is slowly being strained to the breaking point. I fear that at some point in the near future, if I don’t get some sort of harmless release, I’m going to snap, and that’s just going to be really bad for me. I’ll probably flip shit at a classmate, or teacher, or the principal, or something, and just let out 11 years of frustration, anxiety, anger, angst, and other bullshit emotions in one go. Which will probably result in a suspension. I’ll get in huge, huge trouble at home, but that won’t really matter, seeing as how I’m gone in the fall.

See, here’s my eventual plan. I’m going to leave the house in the fall for college. Then, the first weekend, I’ll come back home for both days. Same for the second and third weekend. On the fourth weekend, I’m going to stay at the dorm on Saturday, calling ahead and saying that I have a massive amount of homework to do. I’m going to repeat that for the fifth and sixth, and then on the seventh, I’m going to say I have a huge paper to do, and I won’t be able to make it home that weekend. Then, I’ll keep calling every weekend after that and keep making excuses. And then I’ll make similar excuses for all vacations, holidays, and whatnot. When spring rolls around, I’ll stop calling every other weekend, and then stop calling altogether. And then drop off email contact. I’ll find some sort of work program for the summer, and manage to get “tied up” all summer long. And then I’ll do it again, and again, and again, until I’m out of college. Then, I go find an apartment, a job, and have a life. And then my separation is complete.

The reason for this, blog, is that this life here is killing me. I love my family because I am biologically conditioned to. That’s the only reason. My body is neurochemically designed to love these three people I live with. If I wasn’t, I would not want to spend more than five minutes with each one every month. Sometimes I still don’t want to. And if I’m to ever succeed in life, if I’m to ever make anything out of myself, discover who I am, what I’m to do with my life, what my point here is, then I have to leave all this behind. All of it. Start over, completely fresh and new. At first, it’ll be painful for all involved. But over time, I hope to be able to forget everyone else, and hopefully, they’ll forget about me, or at least put me out of their day-to-day thinking. I have no doubt that with me out of the picture, my family will be much happier, simply because I will be much happier out on my own. They won’t have to deal with my negativity day in and day out, and I won’t be negative day in and day out.

However, I am taking chances here. One of them is if they ever decide to visit, which will be very likely. If it’s on a weekend, I could just make up some excuse about how I had to go do something for my class out of town, and just hide somewhere in Farmington or something. If it’s on a school day, then… I don’t know, I’ll figure something out.

The second chance I’m taking is that the world is not this huge negative cesspit of irritation and sanity-straining bullshit. If it isn’t, if I can find my niche out there, and if I can fully develop and discover who I really am, then fantastic. But if shit is the same everywhere, with the same stupid fucking people doing the same stupid fucking things day in and day out, I don’t know what I’ll do. I couldn’t function in a society like that. I just couldn’t. The toxic atmosphere would kill me.

The third chance is that I won’t be able to make any new friends. That would be somewhat difficult to deal with, as I’d need some people to hang out with and make laugh. Because that’s just who I am. Or maybe that’s not just who I am, and the clown and joker in me is just another part of the toxic environment that’s been tainting my mind. Maybe, on the inside, I’m a really cool person. Maybe, on the inside, I’m a guy who likes to eat right, exercise, take good care of himself, study hard, put effort into a relationship, likes to read classic novels, puts in a hard day’s work, doesn’t care much for video games, and is an all-around good person with a nice set of morals. Then again, maybe on the inside I’m a fucking tunnel web spider. I don’t fucking know.

Either way, I hope shit is different elsewhere. This summer is going to suck.

Literally. I was just looking at this website, and I looked at something that a BP agent said.

“The containment cap is producing around 10,000 barrels of oil a day to the surface which is being processed on the surface,” he said. Asked what proportion that represented of the total oil leaking, Hayward said: “At the moment it’s difficult to say but we would expect it to be the majority, probably the vast majority of the oil.”

Okay. So this means that a BP representative is talking about the recent “cap” they put on the leaking oil pipe. And he says that a lot, if not almost all, is being piped off to the surface and made into liquid money. Oh, but what’s this? Somebody who knows what they are talking about and who isn’t paid boatloads of cash by his higher-ups to keep quiet has something to say.

Coast Guard Adm. Thad Allen said Saturday that after its first full day of work, the cap placed on the gusher near the sea floor trapped about 252,000 gallons of oil, which is somewhere between a quarter to half of the oil flowing from the well, according to government estimates.

Oh. Well wait a minute, mister BP representative… what you’re saying is a complete and total fabrication. There’s no debating that, either. “A quarter to a half of the oil” is not “the vast majority of the oil”. I understand he’s being made to give positive estimates by the company, but… seriously? Where the hell does this company get off, blatantly lying to our faces at every turn? Now, keep in mind here, I’m a republican, which means I’m no tree-hugging “save the whales” bleeding heart ecologist. But for fuck’s sake, this spill is going to take forever to clean up, and it’s going to kill off an insane amount of animals in the gulf. Which kind of sucks, because once they’re gone, they’re gone. There’s a lot of endangered animals there, like the Axolotl. Which is this little aquatic creature that’s kind of adorable. Plus it looks like a fucking Mudkip.

And I liek Mudkipz.

All memes aside, this spill sucks, and I think that the government should get off their asses, tear BP a new one, and take the oil rig saving effort into their own hands. Then we can have all the delicious oil for ourselves. Mua ha ha. No seriously, I’m surprised that nothing’s happened to BP yet except for an “investigation”, seeing as how we have a liberal for a president. You’d think he’d be all tree-huggy about it. Guess not, though, huh? He did extend the war for quite a bit. And he hasn’t done much of his itinerary… okay, you know what? Let’s not get into that. I’ll leave you guys with a question… do U liek Mudkipz?