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Apparently there's a porn version of Avatar in the works. I kid you not, it’s called Assvatar. I don’t know whether it’s going to be in 3D, but let’s hope so. Ever since I first heard about Avatar, I thought, My God, this is going to revolutionise the pornography industry.

I saw Avatar in 3D at Imax, which was definitely an intense viewing experience. I personally feel like James Cameron didn’t have much choice but to make a sci-fi fantasy film once he decided he was going to direct a feature length 3D blockbuster. The reason is simply that if you’re going to focus on making something visually stunning, it doesn’t make much sense to use familiar, pedestrian landscapes. Would you want to watch a movie set in a familiar city like London in 3D? I probably wouldn’t, and I doubt many would, because the effect wouldn’t add enough to the viewing experience. This essentially means that 3D is going to be reserved for certain types of movies for the foreseeable future.

Once you get past the visuals, Avatar unfortunately amounts to a dodgy science fiction rip-off of Dances With Wolves. The story is completely predictable and the scripting is atrocious, which is kind of bizarre when you think how much creative talent has been poured into the movie’s production. The movie is also far too long, because it’s not a complicated story and the effects just don’t need to be showcased longer than 90 minutes. Because my eyes were desperately trying to focus on things which were permanently out of focus, I left with a slight headache; but I think the headache was exacerbated by the frustration of knowing that as innovative as Avatar is supposed to be, strip away the flash and the film has less to offer than some video game cut scenes.

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There’s so much I keep meaning to blog about, but whenever I start writing I find myself distracted by other things. Such as Danny Dyer’s I Believe in UFOs, which was truly mesmerising. Like a cockney version of Fox Mulder, Dyer uses the show to travel the length and breadth of the country in a no nonsense bid to finally clear up the controversey surrounding UFOs and prove the existence of extraterrestrial life. Brimming with childlike innocence, he’s clearly affected by each person he meets, whether crackpot or sceptic. As a result, he ricochets about the countryside trying to make sense of all the conflicting data, or as Dyer himself puts it: “This could be absolute genius or a complete load of bollox, and you never quite know.”

Brilliantly and perhaps surprisingly, the show ends with Dyer visiting the States, filming a whole bunch of UFOs and declaring “That is a fucking UFO.” I never for one moment doubted you would be the one to put the debate to rest, Danny.

But I am digressing, because I wanted to write something about Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes, which I saw a couple of weeks ago.

I’ve read all the Sherlock Holmes stories and enjoyed them very much, but I don’t really hold them sacred. I enjoy seeing different interpretations and found Guy Ritchie’s quite entertaining. I was particularly pleased Watson was not portrayed as foolish, bumbling and overweight. Since 1939, when Nigel Bruce played Watson alongside Basil Rathbone’s Holmes, this has pretty much been the public perception of the character. The truth is Watson was a tough, dependable ex-solider and he was also extremely smart, just not quite as smart as Holmes. If anything, Jude Law wasn’t quite tough enough for my liking.

Robert Downey Jr. won a Golden Globe for his role as Holmes, but for me it didn’t quite work. As enjoyable as he is to watch in almost everything he does, he just didn’t fit the role.

So, a fun movie overall, but not great. I was left wanting a proper fix of Holmes, so I purchased the complete box set of The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes starring the inimitable Jeremy Brett.