When I walk alone in the deep sea of love, I think I am alone but I am not. I am in a trance, a trance that is neither created nor built, neither brought nor thought…it’s a trance which has always been there, sometime conscious sometimes unconscious.

It’s a trance of harshness, a trance of sadness, a trance of passion, a trance of intensity, a state of compassion, a thought of romanticism..all in one. Yes all in one!

In moments of frustration and sadness, I am in deep trance of emotions. Sometimes the emotions are like the sea before a storm…all silent, all calm. A few waves here and there …then suddenly tides of passion with wrath take over but are soon undertaken by the bouts of depression.

The trance is where your eyes are no more just a sensing organ. Your eyes are source of revelation…your eyes are a source of passion and an outlet of emotions. The tears pour down and a sense of relaxation takes over you.

The ears are not just hearing, but also filtering what you want to listen. The voice of the air, yes the air’s voice passes by to the soul but the voice of people is blocked. Voices of your breathing are too strong to do away with the voices of those who seem senseless at least right now!

Your hands are still, like rocks or stones. Heavy and numb, you can’t feel them as if your limbs are broken or taken away. You can neither move nor think of lifting them up. You have never been so light and helpless at the same time!

This is trance, the trance which connects you to another state of your own subconscious. Experiencing trance is just like exploring a sea shell that you collected once in your childhood but dropped it years ago under your bed. Now, if you have found it, make the most of it!

I opened my eyes, stared at the sky, gave a sarcastic smile and turned over. My eyes were moist and small drops of tears running down my cheeks, but I managed to hide my face in the fusty grass I was lying on.
What was I doing? Was I trying to question or humiliate nature….then why were my eyes wet? I know exactly the state I was going through! I was unhappy; rather sorrowful or may be loathed my current condition. I blamed God for all my disasters and my sarcasm was just an instrument to show my inner anger. I thought that all my dilemmas were His scam and I was as innocent as a newly born baby in her mother’s lap.
We all go through this phase of emotional trauma, where we are left with no way out. Hence, the only way to vent out our frustration is to blame The Almighty for it.

Then I felt something on my shoulder, something pouring down. I turned back and it was raining. Small droplets poured down and slowly my whole anxiety started flowing with the cold water. I like a cliché imagined, it wasn’t rain rather the clouds were crying with me.

Drenched in water, I walked with heavy steps in the torrential rains. As few droplets turned into many, the clouds also went from being dark to darker. Wherever the dim ray of light tried to enter, the lightening would yell and command it to hide in the clouds.

No light….not a single ray of it! Just like my life huh…held in the shackles of darkness. The nature was showing me a mirror image of my own emotions, ah! It was making fun of it. And it gave me the right to humiliate and mortify it without hurting my conscience. I was taking revenge though I knew I couldn’t hurt or harm the nature and The Almighty ruling it. But all I knew was that this vengeance could provide me some sort of relief.

But as more and more rain poured down on my apprehensive soul….I felt more and more relieved. My sense of anger started to disappear in the flow of the salty water on my skin. The rain drops in fact seemed to absorb my worries leaving my mind afresh. Now, I realized that how wrong I was in perceiving this rain as a tool to demean my condition by Almighty.

It wasn’t demeaning or mimicking me rather it was there to wash my tears. The droplets not only absorbed my sorrows but also brushed away my tears. My head was lighter and my soul was cleaned of all the tensions I had.
May be that is how a difference of perception can alter the way we perceive Almighty’s blessings. This is how God sends us angels and we consider them demons.

‘I agree that sometimes it’s so difficult to understand what God has chosen for you. But whatever it is….it’s the best for us’