A collection of letters to Dear Ned, an Agony Aunt with an eye for the
bizarre, the unfortunate, the misshapen, and the plain silly.

The Cautionary Tale of a Young Doodler:

P.
Casso, an unremarkable young man in charge of phone enquiries in an art
gallery, spends his working hours in a pleasant daze doodling aimlessly
at his desk until a random drawing lands him in such an unexpected
awkward situation, the young man is compelled to write to Dear Ned for
advice.

The Tale of Desperately Boring Mike:

Dear Ned is
called upon to help desperately boring Mike, a young man who, by his own
admission, is desperately boring and consequently has trouble
attracting the opposite sex. Will Dear Ned be able to help? He might if
he can stay awake long enough to read the entire letter …

The Tale of the Tall Lady and the Feisty Midget:

Dear
Ned has to arbitrate when a romance goes awry after a tall lady engaged
to a feisty midget with a suspicious mind and unresolved anger
management issues begins to doubt their future together.

The Pungent Tale of the Open-Toe Sandal:

When
a maid of honour gets demoted to a banquet hall usher at her sister’s
wedding due to her foot odour problem, the unfortunate lady turns to
Dear Ned for advice, thinking he might be the only one able to help with
the embarrassing situation. But could this be the straw that broke the
camel’s back for Dear Ned?

To find out the answer to this and
the other ‘conundrums’ Dear Ned is facing in this here volume of amusing
albeit silly stories, download them NOW and let us know how you liked
them. Cheers, Yours Truly

Ned
(taking the hint) affords himself an indulgent smile: “And you were successful,
I take it?”

Ivana
(grinning expectantly at the thought of delivering a witty punch-line): “Well,
we made just enough to keep me in waitressing.”

A slight pause follows during
which Ned starts to look worried and Ivana eventually stops grinning.

Ivana
(tossing her hair playfully): “I’d like to point out that I am no longer in
that line of work.”

Ned:
“Oh? What made you give it up?”

Ivana:
“Popular demand, really.”

Ned:
(laughs heartily): “Sorry to hear that. It must have been tough when nobody
showed up.”

Ivana
(looking pointedly around the empty studio): “I wouldn’t know about that. We
had lots of people come to our shows. Loads, really.”

Ned:
“So it was a good show then?”

Ivana:
“Oh, yes. Well worth the two dollar cover charge. We had queues every night we
played.”

Ned:
“Really? At the door?”

Ivana:
“Well … (looks undecided for a moment then decides to tell the truth) … perhaps
I should explain. There were queues at the toilets every pension night because
we only played every second Thursday and they wouldn’t let us use the stage so
we just set up by the wall between the Ladies and the Men’s but the drummer
couldn’t really fit the drum kit in that tiny narrow space so the kit basically
barred the toilets on both sides and people had trouble getting in.”

Ned
(after a pause during which he stared intently at Ivana sitting across from
him): “Right, right. Interesting. So, why didn’t you keep going if you were
that popular?”

Ivana:
“I wasn’t really comfortable with that kind of exposure. It was too much.
People were taking photos and everything.”

Ned
(perking up): “What? You did nude photos?”

Ivana
(gasping theatrically): “Me? I never!”

Ned:
“Why not?”

Ivana:
“Nobody asked, if you must know.”

An awkward pause follows
during which Ned contemplates why it was that Ivana wasn’t asked to pose nude
and Ivana contemplates why Ned would be wondering about that when there are
great literary tomes to talk about. The hush is broken when Ned eventually mutters): “Sooo, let us
speak about the novels. I would imagine your work is worth a lot to you.”

Ivana:
“Well, Ned, I don’t think about it in monetary terms. It’s not viable, really.”

Ned:
“Of course, not. You can’t really put a price on those things, can you?”

Ivana:
“Oh, I could.”

Ned
laughs a wee bit too loud. Leaning slightly forward, he winks at Ivana: “Tell
me how much you got for the books.”

Ivana
sighs, looking resigned if slightly uncomfortable because she knows she has no
choice but to answer - after all, she had promised to give a ‘warts and all’
interview: “Well, I won’t go into details, dear Ned, but I can tell you that
the money I’ve already received is well in line with the immense talent I
possess and the high profile I enjoy.”

Phoebus Klein is a vulnerable young boy from the wrong side of the
tracks. He is a good, gentle soul living a sad and isolated existence
deep in the heart of Pristine Mountain. Poor, friendless and with no
real prospects of getting on in the world, Phoebus has but one ally, his
older brother Kenny, who dreams of infamy of biblical proportions. When
Kenny comes up with a plan to kidnap a woman for ransom, the innocent
Phoebus is forced to take part in the crime. Put in charge of the
beautiful young woman, Phoebus does his best to keep her happy while
waiting for the ransom to be paid. However, not everything goes
according to plan …

‘A Decent Ransom’ is a story of human
weakness and yearning. Essentially a tale of redemption, the
contemporary, fast-paced thriller blends pathos with trickery and
intrigue, drawing the reader into the private world of a vulnerable
fifteen-year-old boy, who believes himself to be the keeper of a
kidnapped woman. Against all odds, the two forge an alliance with dire
consequences for some.

The plot begins when two brothers
from the wrong side of the tracks kidnap a beautiful young woman,
unleashing a chain of events that irrevocably change the lives of
everyone involved. The narrative, unfolding through multiple
perspectives, gives the reader an insight into the minds of the four
main characters as they carefully navigate their way through this unique
situation, taking advantage to pursue their own goals. The players,
each struggling to stay a step ahead, create a web of deception in which
the pursuit of happiness becomes a deadly game of cat and mouse. It is
only when disaster strikes that they begin to question their moral
stance and desperate deeds are committed by all as they struggle to
become someone other than themselves. As opportunities to make the right
choice dwindle, each person's true nature is exposed. In a final twist,
the unconventional resolution raises the question of nature versus
nurture and how the two intertwine in each of us.

Finely layered and compelling, this is a well-written
thriller about the rich inner landscapes that can exist in bleak
surroundings. Hruba does particularly well developing the relationship
between Phoebus and the kidnapped woman. He looks after her and protects
her through to the end, even though he is aware that she has an agenda
he doesn't agree with to get revenge on her husband.In 'A Decent Ransom'
the fates of all the characters, driven by madness, greed, love,
revenge and hope for something better, come together within a clever
plot that moves with humour and pathos to a satisfying conclusion in
this well crafted and totally absorbing story. Bernadette Gooden,
Matilda Reviews, May 2009

‘A Decent Ransom’ is not only a wholly
well spun tale of a bungled kidnap caper which is not what it initially
appears to be, but it is also an exercise in creative writing that
places Hrubá in a high echelon of contemporary writers. One of the many
aspects of Hrubá’s writing that marks her as an artist of note is her
ability to create a varied cast of characters – from young teenagers to
old men sugar daddies and used loose women, immigrants with issues
particular to their backgrounds to average middle class couples in
brittle relationships, older relatives with perversions, to women with
neuroses/psychoses who converse with their alter egos. Rarely have
characters bristled with life as vibrant as the strange folks involved
in ‘A Decent Ransom’. After many twists and turns in the plot, brought
to brilliant life by the fact that we are privy to the thoughts and
vantages of each of the characters, the story winds to a surprising and
satisfying climax. Grady Harp, February 2009

An almost biographical but definitely riotous tale of adolescence begun
behind the Iron Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and
coming to a glorious end in the land Down Under.

Cabbage,
Strudel & Trams tells the story of a young girl’s turbulent journey
from childhood to adulthood, of adolescence begun behind the Iron
Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and coming to a
glorious end in the land Down Under. Narrated by Franta, an imaginary
friend inhabiting the inner world of our young heroine Vendula, this
satirical coming-of-age tale depicts the trials and tribulations of an
ordinary Czech family living in a small mining town in communist
Czechoslovakia in the early 1980s, their escape to West Germany and
their resettlement in Australia.

The story begins when
the combined household of Zhvuk & Dribbler is thrown into chaos by
the untimely defection of Uncle Stan to West Germany. With nothing but
their damaged political profile to lose, the family decides to
eventually follow in Uncle Stan’s footsteps but not before puberty, free
enterprise, unrequited love and things that only happen to other people
shred our young heroine’s heart. With charm, poise and a little grace,
Franta navigates Vendula through the pitfalls of her teenage years,
guiding her to discover her own identity. As shenanigans gather
momentum, Franta’s humorous insights into Vendula’s loopy family: the
assertive mother, the henpecked father, the enterprising granddad, the
blissful grandma, the dissenting uncle and his circle of ‘freedom
fighting’ friends build a picture of the life of ordinary folk surviving
the oppressive communist regime.

Well, even straw will
eventually break the camel’s back. Following a trip to the almighty
Soviet Onion where rows of empty shop windows reveal the future all too
clearly, the family escapes to West Germany. Unexpectedly, the refugee
camp, a colourless shapeless blur on the edge of a dark, dark forest
where only goblins live, is a happy kind of place in which tobacco
chewing, nose picking, throat clearing, the occasional riot, and
plentiful and uninhibited sexual exploits are the order of the day. Of
course, life is not all beer and crackers for our heroes; having carved
out some sort of an existence in the camp, new challenges arise when the
family arrives in Australia.

Review:
What grabbed me, kept me
reading Cabbage, Strudel and Trams is the use of language. It’s the
language, the descriptions, the play with words, and that Ivana Hrubá
not only tells a story in a unique way, but also has fun with what could
otherwise be a morose tale in the reading. Hrubá still shares difficult
times, doesn’t make less of them, but she makes them lighter to read.
After I finished it I took a moment to let the story set in, to absorb
it, and I really feel her writing style is the winning factor. I found
the story entertaining and humorous, the characters uniquely portrayed
and fleshed out enough to be planted in one’s memory, and just enough
depth in description of surroundings to paint a picture. I also really
enjoyed the use of narration with the story not being told via first
person in the sense of Vendula (the person we are following), but
instead told by Franta who appears to be an imaginary friend. There are
illustrations all through the book to show and emphasize the characters
and the story itself. Some of them are quite comical, setting off the
wonderful sense of humour, and some are just plain cute. Cabbage,
Strudel, and Trams is something I’d recommend to those who have an
interest in biography, Communist communities, and what it’s like to
immigrate to a new culture, but only if those people appreciate a sense
of humour and don’t want something that dwells on the downside.
Dutchie, Bookish Ardour, February 2011

An almost biographical but definitely riotous tale of adolescence begun
behind the Iron Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and
coming to a glorious end in the land Down Under.

Cabbage,
Strudel & Trams tells the story of a young girl’s turbulent journey
from childhood to adulthood, of adolescence begun behind the Iron
Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and coming to a
glorious end in the land Down Under. Narrated by Franta, an imaginary
friend inhabiting the inner world of our young heroine Vendula, this
satirical coming-of-age tale depicts the trials and tribulations of an
ordinary Czech family living in a small mining town in communist
Czechoslovakia in the early 1980s, their escape to West Germany and
their resettlement in Australia.

The story begins when
the combined household of Zhvuk & Dribbler is thrown into chaos by
the untimely defection of Uncle Stan to West Germany. With nothing but
their damaged political profile to lose, the family decides to
eventually follow in Uncle Stan’s footsteps but not before puberty, free
enterprise, unrequited love and things that only happen to other people
shred our young heroine’s heart. With charm, poise and a little grace,
Franta navigates Vendula through the pitfalls of her teenage years,
guiding her to discover her own identity. As shenanigans gather
momentum, Franta’s humorous insights into Vendula’s loopy family: the
assertive mother, the henpecked father, the enterprising granddad, the
blissful grandma, the dissenting uncle and his circle of ‘freedom
fighting’ friends build a picture of the life of ordinary folk surviving
the oppressive communist regime.

Well, even straw will
eventually break the camel’s back. Following a trip to the almighty
Soviet Onion where rows of empty shop windows reveal the future all too
clearly, the family escapes to West Germany. Unexpectedly, the refugee
camp, a colourless shapeless blur on the edge of a dark, dark forest
where only goblins live, is a happy kind of place in which tobacco
chewing, nose picking, throat clearing, the occasional riot, and
plentiful and uninhibited sexual exploits are the order of the day. Of
course, life is not all beer and crackers for our heroes; having carved
out some sort of an existence in the camp, new challenges arise when the
family arrives in Australia.

Review:
What grabbed me, kept me
reading Cabbage, Strudel and Trams is the use of language. It’s the
language, the descriptions, the play with words, and that Ivana Hrubá
not only tells a story in a unique way, but also has fun with what could
otherwise be a morose tale in the reading. Hrubá still shares difficult
times, doesn’t make less of them, but she makes them lighter to read.
After I finished it I took a moment to let the story set in, to absorb
it, and I really feel her writing style is the winning factor. I found
the story entertaining and humorous, the characters uniquely portrayed
and fleshed out enough to be planted in one’s memory, and just enough
depth in description of surroundings to paint a picture. I also really
enjoyed the use of narration with the story not being told via first
person in the sense of Vendula (the person we are following), but
instead told by Franta who appears to be an imaginary friend. There are
illustrations all through the book to show and emphasize the characters
and the story itself. Some of them are quite comical, setting off the
wonderful sense of humour, and some are just plain cute. Cabbage,
Strudel, and Trams is something I’d recommend to those who have an
interest in biography, Communist communities, and what it’s like to
immigrate to a new culture, but only if those people appreciate a sense
of humour and don’t want something that dwells on the downside.
Dutchie, Bookish Ardour, February 2011

An almost biographical but definitely riotous tale of adolescence begun
behind the Iron Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and
coming to a glorious end in the land Down Under.

Cabbage,
Strudel & Trams tells the story of a young girl’s turbulent journey
from childhood to adulthood, of adolescence begun behind the Iron
Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and coming to a
glorious end in the land Down Under. Narrated by Franta, an imaginary
friend inhabiting the inner world of our young heroine Vendula, this
satirical coming-of-age tale depicts the trials and tribulations of an
ordinary Czech family living in a small mining town in communist
Czechoslovakia in the early 1980s, their escape to West Germany and
their resettlement in Australia.

The story begins when
the combined household of Zhvuk & Dribbler is thrown into chaos by
the untimely defection of Uncle Stan to West Germany. With nothing but
their damaged political profile to lose, the family decides to
eventually follow in Uncle Stan’s footsteps but not before puberty, free
enterprise, unrequited love and things that only happen to other people
shred our young heroine’s heart. With charm, poise and a little grace,
Franta navigates Vendula through the pitfalls of her teenage years,
guiding her to discover her own identity. As shenanigans gather
momentum, Franta’s humorous insights into Vendula’s loopy family: the
assertive mother, the henpecked father, the enterprising granddad, the
blissful grandma, the dissenting uncle and his circle of ‘freedom
fighting’ friends build a picture of the life of ordinary folk surviving
the oppressive communist regime.

Well, even straw will
eventually break the camel’s back. Following a trip to the almighty
Soviet Onion where rows of empty shop windows reveal the future all too
clearly, the family escapes to West Germany. Unexpectedly, the refugee
camp, a colourless shapeless blur on the edge of a dark, dark forest
where only goblins live, is a happy kind of place in which tobacco
chewing, nose picking, throat clearing, the occasional riot, and
plentiful and uninhibited sexual exploits are the order of the day. Of
course, life is not all beer and crackers for our heroes; having carved
out some sort of an existence in the camp, new challenges arise when the
family arrives in Australia.

Review:
What grabbed me, kept me
reading Cabbage, Strudel and Trams is the use of language. It’s the
language, the descriptions, the play with words, and that Ivana Hrubá
not only tells a story in a unique way, but also has fun with what could
otherwise be a morose tale in the reading. Hrubá still shares difficult
times, doesn’t make less of them, but she makes them lighter to read.
After I finished it I took a moment to let the story set in, to absorb
it, and I really feel her writing style is the winning factor. I found
the story entertaining and humorous, the characters uniquely portrayed
and fleshed out enough to be planted in one’s memory, and just enough
depth in description of surroundings to paint a picture. I also really
enjoyed the use of narration with the story not being told via first
person in the sense of Vendula (the person we are following), but
instead told by Franta who appears to be an imaginary friend. There are
illustrations all through the book to show and emphasize the characters
and the story itself. Some of them are quite comical, setting off the
wonderful sense of humour, and some are just plain cute. Cabbage,
Strudel, and Trams is something I’d recommend to those who have an
interest in biography, Communist communities, and what it’s like to
immigrate to a new culture, but only if those people appreciate a sense
of humour and don’t want something that dwells on the downside.
Dutchie, Bookish Ardour, February 2011

Short Fiction: The English Patient, Dr Zhivago and the Purposeful Stride, and Other Stories

A collection of amusing short stories about the human condition revealing the absurdity of our existence.

The Dead Husbands Club

Absolutely Fabulous meets Desperate Housewives in this spirited tale of two merry widows whose talent for discreetly solving other people’s problems earns them a devoted fan base and a prosperous living.

Cabbage, Strudel and Trams (Part 1: Czechoslovakia)

An almost biographical and definitely riotous tale of adolescence begun behind the Iron Curtain, continued in a West German refugee camp and coming to a glorious end in the land Down Under.

Cabbage, Strudel and Trams (Part 2: West Germany)

As expected, good times were had by all in the refugee camp...

Cabbage, Strudel and Trams (Part 3: Australia)

All good things must come to an end...

A Decent Ransom

A Story of a Kidnapping Gone Right

Ether

A novella exploring the complex, multifaceted nature of human love through three interconnecting stories of love, loss and betrayal.

Planet of Dreams: Go West

Shackled to a dangerous man, a young boy fights for survival in the desert.

Ivana Hruba

Betraying not a glimmer of thought in her deep-set wandering eyes, the author treads a fine line between profound stupidity and misunderstood genius…