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Tuesday, March 8, 2016

My love life has not been kind to me for all my 24 years of living and though I am never proud of that, I always tell myself that at least I was still able to pick myself up even after experiencing all those heartbreaks. My younger sis always tells me how bad she feels about my life, but hey, I am standing stronger than ever aren't I?

I have to admit that I am a hopeless romantic. I believe in The One. I believe in The Perfect Someone for every each of us. I believe in destiny. I believe in The Yin Yang theory. I believe that there is someone out there that will complete each of us. Well, there was a moment in my life when I thought I have found The One and that when I have lost him, I thought to myself 'that's it. You'll never found The One again'. He was so perfect in my eyes that I thought I have lost my moment of living with My One. Funny thing was, 3 years after that I found somebody who made me fell terribly deep in love again. I was like how was this even possible? Yeah you may judge me. I guess when I love, I just love too hard.

So I started loving this one guy again. It felt like we completed each other. But again, the history repeated. He was a Muslim, just like the guy I dated before. But this time, I thought I was ready. I wanted this relationship to work out. I wanted him. I wanted us. This time, I thought I will be able to convince my dad that I want to marry this guy. I didn't want to mess this one up again because I loved him and I couldn't afford to lose him again. Why? Because he was the type of guy who would drive 4 hours just to give you medicines even though that time you guys were arguing and you were at fault. He proved that even when he was angry at me he would never stop caring. He was the type of guy that would drive for hours just to see you even though he was injured. He was the type of guy who would find out what you should or should not eat when you had your period. He was the type of guy who knew just what to do when your period is coming. He was the type of guy who gets protective when some guys talked to his girl. He was the type of guy who would choose you over his friends. The Perfect One. My Perfect One.

Things went perfect until I came back home. I knew my family will not approve my relationship but I still had to talk to them about it. I told them all about it and they wouldn't listen. I thought to myself, I am not losing him and that my family has to accept it. Then something happened to the family. To be exact, my dad. If you know me well, you will know how much I care for my dad. He's like my hero and my everything. It made me think twice. I couldn't leave my dad with such thing happening to him. I just couldn't. He's raised me well and I will never stop blaming myself if I choose this guy over my dad. So again, I have lost my perfect one. The sad part was that there was nobody I could talk to because everybody in the family wanted my relationship to be over. I couldn't cry in front of them. I couldn't express how I felt to them. I was all by myself. It makes me feel down everyday. It breaks me apart every night. But life goes on, ey?

So here I am again, going through the process of moving on. The question left now is that will I find The Perfect One again? I mean look at me, I found the one for me twice so maybe there could be the third one out there for me, right? I just have to keep believing. I am only 24, anyway. :)