sundaymy dad took me to a place. a very remote place. i was shaking with fear. first they made us wash ourselves. they r afraid of STDS
..
n then we were told to sit down. my dad next to me. n he started.

now he, is fat. with moustache.

he squeezed.. poked. twitched. with all his strength. n i screamed again n again.

it went on n on for 40 minutes. the agony of it.
pregnancy's easier. i swear. my heart was beating so fast i was sweating. clutching at my fathers hand

oh. he was sleeping. all these while. he was sleeping. while i screamed. cursed. threatened.

i tried over n over again to distract myself by looking at a very amateur oil painting of fishes.
amateur... why amater. cuz though thru all my contortions i can make out a very badly stroked shadow. a fish tail that just disappear.

u take drugs u go clubbing u fornicate. u will get it not in ur life. but ur generation will face twice the pain.

so dun come wailing demanding that people shouldnt be crippled when some of their anscestors were not punished for their evil deeds on earth. so god take action.

yes its unfair to those who's being punished for something they didn't do. its just something to stop us from sinning so that our loved ones won't get the pain n sufferings.

the sufferings u get today is not ur fault. neither it is god's.

dun blame others for living righteously in god's way while u go clubbing. fucking. smokeing. drugs. N THE MEAN TIME complain about god dun wanna touch u or feel u or why he make us poor n stupid n crippled one ar???

where's the sense in that.

no use stopping clubbing. smoking. drugs. sex. n expect god to come to u in return for ur efforts. it takes more than that.

His love comes without conditions . but dun expect something so great to come to u when u only sacrifice something so little.

u have to find out mreo botu Him for him to come to u. like how u do when u love someone.

u have to love him first before everything else. read the bible.

complain complain without getting facts right. even if u wanna complain about food u ahve to eat the food first.

finally have time to blog. because i woke up at the wrong time..
i have been busy with flash.ridiculous

but i did not miss cyber christmas. i did not help out either

i m still busy ...but free til he wakes up.

nothing happened on new year or my birthday. did work

had a dream. miss them all vvv much. never see them for so long adi

now that bastard/bitch that crapped at my shoutbox ON MY BIRTHDAY. stop what u r doing or i'll wreck ur computer. by digital means.

i fell down in the toilet just before cyber christmas. i fell head on. i wrecked my handphone.

anyway. thanks to shien sim, charel, david and celine for ur present. i guess its celine who chooses it. cuz its in purple. it is.. so. her. hehehe

my sister has been vvv sweet... she actually remembered my birthday without anyone reminding her. i wonder where did she wrote it down. anyway. that day was thursday.. when my parents came back she demanded for me.. she assumed i must be back home since its my birthday. n she ASKED for my number. called me n wished me

n the next day. she called me again. n told me she made a present for me( a tissue box with a paper bracelet inside wrapped with newspaper) n a card.

dai sek...dai sek.

i didn't know i miss home so much...
oh.
n i also didn't know i dreaded home so much until my father suggested i read the .. dunno wat term.. its a buddhist book.

ahh.

well. since he is loaded with fortune tellers n feng shui masters at least one of them would already HAVE told him 'i can foresee...that ur daughter would rebel. would turn against u n be a christian. n it will cause ur death.'

right.

cuz it was actually predicted that one of his children cause his death.

must be me..teehee.

what ridiculous shit

n did i mention that my ex went to a fortune teller that foresaw my future.

i will forget my ex in the years to come. i will stay with a friend in an apartment or condo.i m richi m successfulah. a rich fiance. over 6 years my senior. OUCHwe got married. OUCH.he got me pregnant. shit.he has mistresses. damni found out. howhe pushed me down the stairs. or i fell down. wateverbaby's gonedivorce. money's gonejob's gonei come running back to my papa. cryingstepmom shoo me out of the house with a broom.papa gimme a house to stayi suddenly remembered my ex. wa. amnesia.i go to australia. look for him. get married.get children.

now where did darryl come in.......................hmmmm...
now i really did cried. when i hear all these. a lot.
n this simple baldie actually predicted for singapore's prime minister

ohhuhh.

i m scared.

well.right now i m more afraid of the last 4 lines than all the others above it.

shudder.

i m in control. so BAH!
n one foresaw i would follow christ. now why. why oh why

also would liek to apologize
jason johnson zeek for troubling
cc members for not being of much help
cherry. lie yuen. ca po. chin kuan for not able to see yall during festives.
darryl for misunderstanding n for acting on my own without asking. for burdening u with my work. for losing temper. PMS. for biba. crapping. scolding. beating. crying. makign u lose sleep. time. semangat. for not being able to have memorable birthdays.
dad. mom. sis. for not going home 3 weeks straight.
yiingtee if my flash fail.
to all the people that msged me but i din have time to talk to.
audrey for failing n disappointing u. sorry...

sorry...

anyway. I GOT A PERFECT PLAN

i m gonna go back every weekend. have dance lessons on saturday. 2-3. then after that go church. yay!!!

oh. blog's song. the notebook is a marvellous movie. written by teh same author of a walk to remember. its better than a walk to remember. cried buckets when watching

funny how people liek to find movies that scares them =lie yuen
n movies that make them cry = me.

n pull everyone around them to get scared together..sob. n cry together too.