The vet I wouldn't live to see three. Today I turned seven, so I pooped on the vets lawn.

I wuv you even if you are winkled.

Don't look so surprised. We do this all the time.

Humor --

People shouldn’t be treated like object. They’re not that valuable.

The average person thinks he isn’t.

Men are like car alarms - they both make a lot of noise no one listens to.

When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she assumed that she has gained weight. When a man tries on clothing from his closet that feel tight, he assumes the clothing has shrunk.