How JustAnswer Works:

Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.

Get a Professional Answer

Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site.Ask follow up questions if you need to.

100% Satisfaction Guarantee

Rate the answer you receive.

Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question

Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist

Category: Relationship

Satisfied Customers: 7663

Experience: 35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.

40019946

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now

I have been dating a man for over 2 years. Currently, we both

Resolved Question:

I have been dating a man for over 2 years. Currently, we both are under a lot of stress. He is having a career crisis, not making enough money and trying to change careers. I am currently trying to get out of sharing a business with an ex-husband, struggling to keep up with house payments, repairs, yardwork, etc. I also have 2 teenagers, an 18-year-old daughter who wants nothing to do with her dad and an 15-year-old son. My son recently had an episode with his dad where his dad was calling me an "f****** idiot", etc. and my son was sticking up for me. It was quite a yelling match and my son had to tell his dad to get off our property. I am currently looking into filing an anti-harassment order against my ex who won't stop sending me negative and mean texts. (We separated in 2008). Recently, I expressed to my boyfriend how my son feels he doesn't like him (my son has ADHD, is very hyper, and is difficult but sweet). My boyfriend said he is just hard to be around. This weekend my ex went out of town plus my daughter just got back from being gone a week and I didn't want to be gone but my boyfriend made comments about it being so hard to be around my son right now. I became hurt and said fine, we will just wait until next weekend to see each other. He sensed I was mad. I don't know if I'm feeling my parenting is being criticized, or I'm disappointed that he won't make more effort to be with my son, or I'm not being very understanding of his stress and what he is going through. He texted me this morning about talking with my son and modeling specific concerns that would help him which makes me feel judged with my parenting role. I can be sensitive. I am going through some life changes and have constantly been told I'm too nice and now am trying to make sure I get my needs met, feelings expressed but I constantly doubt myself and my opinions. What's the best way to figure out what is going on inside me, if it's legitimate and worth expressing. Should I be upset that he didn't want to come to my house this weekend to be with me and my kids but preferred to be home alone?

Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.

Dear friend,

You are under a great deal of stress and so is your boyfriend.

An ADHD child is so active and can be so volatile that it is certainly a factor in your relationship.

I assume that you are doing all that you can for your son. If his behavior is not being modified then his therapist will have to try a different approach.

I don't think that your boyfriend is criticizing you but rather trying to lend a hand so that the home situation is more conducive to harmony between all of you.

Your abusive ex husband is adding to your stress level. Block his phone. Block his emails and texts. If he further harasses you, call the police and get an order of protection against him through the courts.

I believe that your boyfriend is frustrated and wants to to the best thing and sees that change is needed. He just wants to help, but he is not a professional.

I urge you to find a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT) to help you. These are master's level mental health therapists specifically trained in relationships but with plenty of additional knowledge in mental health issues.

He doesn't want to come to your house this weekend because he does not want to be in a high stress situation which he cannot control and where his input is not particularly well taken.

You will do well to shop around for a therapist with the experience and intelligence to help you. Perhaps you and your boyfriend could do that together.

A good place to start is at:

www.psychologytoday.com

Enter your state and city and then narrow the search to relationship issues or marriage and family problems. You will see an area called issues.

Read carefully and assess the therapists listed. Not all are equal. Many will give you a free phone consultation as well.

I wish you great success in establishing harmony and stability in your life and family. To that end I shall keep you in my prayers.

My boyfriend is a school counselor and by me telling him that my son feels like he doesn't like him, I was expecting him to know what to do to make a connection. With him withdrawing like he did, it makes me feel like he really interested in making a connection. Should I just back off because he is stressed with his career or expect him (after 2 years together) to make more of an effort to help my son?

If your boyfriend is a school counselor then he should have master's degree in school counseling which is not far off from a professional counsleor and she should be aware of how to get along with troubled children.

I can see that he is having career problems and does not seem to have the skills or patience to work with children. His difficulty with your son may reflect his bad career choice and only serves to reinforce his anxiety about the predicament he is in.

He may be in a state of depression which would render him unwilling to be around anyone and being highly irritable. He was probably just trying to give you advice rather than criticize your parenting skills.

She should have the understanding to help, but he needs communication skills in order to convey that knowledge to you.

Right now he can barely manage his own feelings. If he is depressed that will make it nearly impossible for him to show enthusiasm or patience, and he will be very irritable.

As a prelude to seeing a therapist I highly recommend this book: the best one ever written on couples communication:

This expert is wonderful. They truly know what they are talking about, and they actually care about you. They really helped put my nerves at ease. Thank you so much!!!!AlexLos Angeles, CA

Thank you for all your help. It is nice to know that this service is here for people like myself, who need answers fast and are not sure who to consult.GPHesperia, CA

I couldn't be more satisfied! This is the site I will always come to when I need a second opinion.JustinKernersville, NC

Just let me say that this encounter has been entirely professional and most helpful. I liked that I could ask additional questions and get answered in a very short turn around. EstherWoodstock, NY

Thank you so much for taking your time and knowledge to support my concerns. Not only did you answer my questions, you even took it a step further with replying with more pertinent information I needed to know. RobinElkton, Maryland

He answered my question promptly and gave me accurate, detailed information. If all of your experts are half as good, you have a great thing going here.DianeDallas, TX

Meet The Experts:

Kate McCoy

Counselor

Satisfied Customers:

1637

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues

Ask a Counselor

Get a Professional Answer. 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed.

61 Counselors are Online Now

Type Your Relationship Question Here...

characters left:

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.