So, I had to try something else, lest you all be disappointed with me. Noting that I had previously promised that if the Hurricane Machine wouldn't work, explosives would be used, I had to do something explosive.

Enter.....the Taternator.

I have constructed a "totally benign combustion chamber powered root launcher", commonly known as, "The Mighty Spudgun". After assembly, I had to do a test run, and I found that while Glade air freshener spray is not that potent a fuel source, starter fluid most certianly is. My daughter bravely volunteered one of her Polly Pockets as the first plastic chick to be launched into space, or at least the woods behind my house, and I'm both happy and sad to note that while the equipment worked marvelously well, poor Polly was killed in action. She will be remembered.

As a note to all who would try to recreate my amazing spudgun design, note that this is very, very dangerous. I burned off one eye's eyelashes and half an eyebrow in the process of perfecting the cannon, so be advised that a seasoned professional such as myself can even fuck up and injure myself, so I would advise you to proceed with caution.

Tomorrow at noon, the contest winners will be chosen. I plan to load a wad of paper into the barrel, and above that I'll have a parachute-retarded capsule that will, if all goes well, dump roughly 108 scraps of paper down upon the target area, at which point I will snatch three lucky names out of the sky, declaring them the winners. For anyone who HAS NOT signed up as a subscriber, your name will not go into the capsule unless you've signed up by 12PM Eastern USA time tomorrow.