CARLSON2-11FEB98-DD-KAO - Richard Carlson, author of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff,'' a guide to daily living that has sold around 4 million copies. He has a new book out in April called "Don't Sweat the Small Srtuff With Your Family.'' Photo by Tom Kao

Richard Carlson, a Bay Area psychotherapist who became the world-famous writer of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" and 30 other motivational books stressing love, gratitude and kindness above all other values, collapsed and died Wednesday on a flight from San Francisco to New York.

Carlson, 45, lived in Walnut Creek and was scheduled to make two TV appearances to promote his latest book, "Don't Get Scrooged: How to Thrive in a World Full of Obnoxious, Incompetent, Arrogant and Downright Mean-Spirited People."

A family spokesman said he apparently died of cardiac arrest.

" 'Don't Get Scrooged' was a book he'd been wanting to write for a long time," said Susan Miller, Carlson's executive assistant. "He felt like this one was really going to take off."

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Carlson was a popular motivational speaker, stress consultant and media figure dubbed one of the world's foremost happiness experts. Associates on Friday recalled him as an unusually clear and giving teacher, listener and friend.

They said his work consisted of translating the essence of the world's wisdom traditions into practical, easy-to-remember advice. He didn't just tell people to be kind, patient and grateful, he showed them how to make those values a part of their daily lives.

Don't answer the phone when you're rushing out the door, Carlson advised. Give yourself, and others, a second chance. Don't kill yourself over a mistake. Don't finish other people's sentences for them. Take a vacation, not a guilt trip. Your in box is not your life.

For Carlson, who practiced meditation but wasn't a conspicuous religious seeker, the joy of living was in the positive relationships one could make.

The danger was in the tangle of one's own thoughts.

"He preached what the Buddha preached, but without the preaching," said Patti Breitman, one of his former literary agents. " 'Don't take your thoughts too seriously.' He called it a thought attack. What you need to do is live in the present."

The message proved phenomenally popular. "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," Carlson's 1997 bible, has been published in 135 countries and translated into Latvian, Polish, Icelandic, Serbian and 26 other languages.

Readers told Carlson the book changed their lives. One correspondent said his company had adopted a policy of "no dumping" on Fridays -- all comments must be positive and uplifting. A fire department took the same approach.

One reader called him in halting English from the Pleasant Hill BART Station. He was a young man who had traveled from Japan to meet the man who wrote the book that changed his life.

"Richard's words had helped him find the courage to make a career change, because his parents had wanted him to be one thing, and after making a valiant try at it he wasn't able to do that," Miller said. "Richard's words had given him the courage to follow his heart."

Carlson always put relationships before business, Breitman said.

"He always opened his correspondence with a personal greeting that was specific to the moment," she said. "He was very good at living in the moment, and it came through in every correspondence -- always a personal hello.

"And he always ended his correspondence with 'Treasure Yourself.' "

Breitman said Carlson donated much of his book profits to charity and encouraged his associates to drive a hard bargain with his publishers.

"He always reasoned that the corporations aren't going to use that money for the same good you and I are, so let's get more," Breitman said. "It was so delightful to work for someone who really cared about the world in his own heart rather than his own greed."

Carlson, who grew up in Piedmont, received his undergraduate degree from Pepperdine University.

Carlson was a large supporter of and participant in the National Center for Family Literacy. At the time of his death, he was working on a project with them calling for "A Penny a Book" from publishers, authors and literary agents to promote literacy.

He is survived by his wife, Kristine, who was his co-author of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff in Love" and the author of "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Women." He also is survived by his daughters, Jasmine and Kenna; sisters Kathleen Carlson Mowris and Anna L. Carlson; and his parents, Barbara and Don Carlson of Orinda.