06/28/2013

Patrick Stewart video and understanding others.

We all have a story to tell. Sometimes it’s a happy story and sometimes it’s not so happy.

The other day I came across a video of Patrick Stewart in a Q&A event getting asked a question which led to him talking about the domestic abuse he and his mother experienced when he was a child at the hands of his father. You can watch it here – it’s very moving.

One of the things that I found interesting is how he shared, at the end, a perspective on why his father may have been violent. This is not the same as excusing it…just understanding it. And recognising that we are interacting with the world based on our experiences.

I have said before that there is no such thing as a real memory. We remember stuff based on our own perspective, our own model of the world. We behave based on this too.

If you’ve read my books and followed me on Twitter and my blog for the last 5 years you will know I have not had a good childhood. You will also know that through Cognitive Hypnotherapy I have found the freedom to be my own person without “despite” or “because of” driving my behaviours.

I am happy and peaceful.

I want everyone to know that no matter what, this is something available to everyone. I could never have believed it was possible until I experienced it.

To do this I am working at getting my story as wide a coverage as possible. And I recognise that it’s not enough for some people to see my transformation, they also need to understand why it is significant, what the story is, because that helps them connect to their own stories.

When I share my story it will be all about me. What I experienced and what I remember and how it affected me. It will be about how I transformed from those experiences.

But to explain that I will inevitably have to talk about the other characters that impacted on me. I don’t know their stories and I don’t need to. I don’t know “What was that about” that drove their behaviours. When I talk about them it will be in the context of what I remember and how it felt to me. None of it is true – it is just my memory.

I do know we are all fellow strugglers and they acted within the boundaries of their own experiences and own struggles.

I don’t forgive them because I have nothing to forgive them for. If I needed to forgive them it would mean I was still carrying the emotion. I am not.

I don’t hate them (well maybe one of them I still do…) and I don’t bear them ill will. In fact I really hope that they can or have found the peace in who they are that I have.

We are all fellow strugglers.

Some of these characters are still in my life and that’s my choice. I am ok with it and my relationship with them is based on who we are now not on who we were. Each of us has chosen to continue the connection because we get something out of it.

It is my intent to help as many people as possible and I will do whatever I can to get the exposure to reach people.

I don’t judge anyone. I don’t know other people’s model of the world. I don’t know what drives their behaviour. I don’t know what’s going on in their head.

I ask you to be the same. Never judge. You can’t know what struggles other people have. What drives their behaviour. And if you struggle with that, instead of judging be curious. Try and figure out why people might behave certain ways and say certain things. Because this is rarely about you. It’s about them.

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Patrick Stewart video and understanding others.

We all have a story to tell. Sometimes it’s a happy story and sometimes it’s not so happy.

The other day I came across a video of Patrick Stewart in a Q&A event getting asked a question which led to him talking about the domestic abuse he and his mother experienced when he was a child at the hands of his father. You can watch it here – it’s very moving.

One of the things that I found interesting is how he shared, at the end, a perspective on why his father may have been violent. This is not the same as excusing it…just understanding it. And recognising that we are interacting with the world based on our experiences.

I have said before that there is no such thing as a real memory. We remember stuff based on our own perspective, our own model of the world. We behave based on this too.

If you’ve read my books and followed me on Twitter and my blog for the last 5 years you will know I have not had a good childhood. You will also know that through Cognitive Hypnotherapy I have found the freedom to be my own person without “despite” or “because of” driving my behaviours.

I am happy and peaceful.

I want everyone to know that no matter what, this is something available to everyone. I could never have believed it was possible until I experienced it.

To do this I am working at getting my story as wide a coverage as possible. And I recognise that it’s not enough for some people to see my transformation, they also need to understand why it is significant, what the story is, because that helps them connect to their own stories.

When I share my story it will be all about me. What I experienced and what I remember and how it affected me. It will be about how I transformed from those experiences.

But to explain that I will inevitably have to talk about the other characters that impacted on me. I don’t know their stories and I don’t need to. I don’t know “What was that about” that drove their behaviours. When I talk about them it will be in the context of what I remember and how it felt to me. None of it is true – it is just my memory.

I do know we are all fellow strugglers and they acted within the boundaries of their own experiences and own struggles.

I don’t forgive them because I have nothing to forgive them for. If I needed to forgive them it would mean I was still carrying the emotion. I am not.

I don’t hate them (well maybe one of them I still do…) and I don’t bear them ill will. In fact I really hope that they can or have found the peace in who they are that I have.

We are all fellow strugglers.

Some of these characters are still in my life and that’s my choice. I am ok with it and my relationship with them is based on who we are now not on who we were. Each of us has chosen to continue the connection because we get something out of it.

It is my intent to help as many people as possible and I will do whatever I can to get the exposure to reach people.

I don’t judge anyone. I don’t know other people’s model of the world. I don’t know what drives their behaviour. I don’t know what’s going on in their head.

I ask you to be the same. Never judge. You can’t know what struggles other people have. What drives their behaviour. And if you struggle with that, instead of judging be curious. Try and figure out why people might behave certain ways and say certain things. Because this is rarely about you. It’s about them.