Grindr through Mysore’s Eyes

Its December and Thanksgiving was silent. Three months
in India felt like a lifetime, but at least I am not getting homesick. I have
so much love for this country that sometimes I feel like staying and finishing
my career in Mysore. This is a place where I know I will not die of a heart
attack because of work stress. As I have mentioned in previous blogs, I have
had a few wonderful experiences, some of them not as pleasant, but learning
experiences that I will take back home with me. It is interesting how life
works in different countries because of culture, religions, and politics. It is
also stimulating when we can learn about sexual minorities in a country where
society rejects those that they consider different. I have been very lucky
finding a gay friend in Mysore, but I still have conversations where I feel
that I am not doing enough for my community. I do know that changes can be made
by taking small steps, but when I can listen to a human being talking about how
harsh life can be, and I can see in his eyes how he suffers in his own unique
way, I am grateful to be a part of a country that at least allows people to
have some kind of freedom of speech.

My friend and I have been spending time together for
the past two months and when we sit down to talk we converse for hours. This
past week we were watching a movie and out of nowhere we started talking about
how he feels after being in India for the past 5 years. He said when it comes
to relationships he feels unlucky in finding a partner to spend the rest of his
life with. I asked my friend why he thought it was so difficult to date in
India? especially south India? In his opinion, in some countries on the East
side of the world, because of culture, religions and family expectations, being
a homosexual is a dishonor. Being part of an “unnatural” group is seen as
challenging the community. It’s a way of not supporting a family and bringing
shame to your relatives. However, this does not stop men from having sex with
men to satisfy their sexual needs.

Internet websites and phone applications have been created in cyber world to give easy access to all types of relationships. For example, Grindr, a major company created for gay dating is one of the most important organizations that allow many individuals to have some kind of interaction in different parts of the world, I have known this phone application for a few years, and when comparing American Grindr culture to India Grindr culture it is kind of similar. The application is used by gay men and is also used by a small portion of the transgender community. We all look for different types of relationships, but in the end, we want to feel the freedom of being who we are. In my experience, Grindr is mostly used for people to hook up, explore their sexuality, and communicate with others locally. However, my idea of what Grindr is has changed while in India these last few weeks.

A few weeks ago, I decided to open the application and
explore “The Grindr World” in Mysore. For what I have experience in America,
men will often cover their faces but will show their bodies and will only send
you their picture by inbox if they are interested. In Mysore, I believe that
90% of the men will have a picture of an artist or someone’s picture found on
the internet. I asked myself, why do men in India not show a bit of who they
are even with the changes in laws? And the answer for me was very simple, they
are still scared of laws, societal repression, violence, and rejection. Most
men on the online application are looking for a safe space to meet other men in
India; a place where they can fulfill their romantic feelings and sexual
desires. In my opinion, Grindr in India has become a space where Indian men and
others can communicate within the homosexual community and feel that they are
not alone in the world. It’s a place where people can be themselves and not
worry about being excluded by society. A great example of this culture is me
because this is the place where I have found my current friend. It is
interesting how he describes the application in his own words. For him, Grindr
is a place where people connect, meet, and exchange stories and experiences in
a country that until a few weeks ago criminalized same-sex intercourse. A phone
application that allows humans to have some kind of mental balance, body
exploration, and fulfill desires that they cannot fulfill being around people
that do not see gay life as equal.

I have known Grindr for a few years now and I can say
that I have got to the point of not even looking at the phone application in
America, because in my opinion it exploits men for a sexual encounter. But
getting to know Grindr in India has opened my eyes to explore a world where
people in the shadows need apps like this to feel relief from the pressure of family
and friends. For me, the app has become a space of learning about gay culture
in India and understanding a different kind of feelings and opinions. I think
that us gay men in America have this negative image of dating sites and we
don’t see beyond our expectations of how websites should work. Getting to know
a few men in India has shown me how important social networks can be when laws
and rejection surround us. Social networks can also be a space to fight for
rights and show the world that we all are humans navigating and exploring the
different tastes of the rainbow. I guess that at the end of the day we all have
our own opinions, but we should explore other cultures to see how others use
MEDIA!