Three months. Three months since I’ve been in the hospital, since I’ve tried to kill myself, since I lost control, since I’ve lived with Frank. But most of all, three months since I’ve talked to Adam.

Time is something that I will never have enough of. It never goes slow enough, yet it never goes by fast enough either. It something that either drags on or goes by quickly; either way there’s never the right amount of time.

I wish I could tell you that I didn’t think of Adam or that I didn’t miss him, and that I didn’t love him, but I would be lying. No matter how much I tried to believe it myself, you could tell. By the sad look in my eyes with the mention of his name or the softness in my voice or the lack of confidence when I say, “I’m over him”, or even that “I’m fine”. I wish I weren’t so vulnerable or naive, because the truth is I don’t think I will ever be able to get over him. Maybe move on with my life, but it just seems so hard to imagine. I had it all set in my mind. How our lives were going to be, guess I was wrong. It would be the first time, god do I feel like a fool.

Though one thing god did bless me with was Frank, or as I call him my guardian angel. I don’t think I would have been able to make it without him. He’s been there when I need him and never pushed me to talk about the past, but is always there for a listening ear when I want it. He doesn’t drag on about what happened or even pities me, or at least lets me know does.

Now you may be confused on how Frank even came into this story let alone how I met him. But remember a young man found me, who was just concerned about his mothers leaking ceiling. Well that mother just happens to be Franks, the young man who found me. I know it all sounds so strange, but a few days after I come home Frank came to visit me and see how I was doing. He brought me pink daisies, because his mother believed that every young woman loved pink daisies and that they would help her get better. We ended up having the long conversation about Black flag and how I had never watched a sunset.

“Are you serious?” he asked.
“Yes” I exclaimed to him.

He looked at me baffled, “ Your telling me you have never sat down and watched the sunset”.

“Exactly” I replied.

“Now that’s just the silliest thing I have ever heard. You seriously need to wake up and smell the flowers literally” he exclaimed and then proceeded to grab the daises out of the vase and put them to my nose. I sniffed them.

“Now stop worrying about books, and taxes and executive decisions and look at the smaller things in life,” He then began shouting out and throws his arms out as well as waltzing around the room. “ Look at the beauty in the world and take it for what its worth. You only get one chance at life, so make the best of it. Live life don’t and let it go by or even let life live you. Take it for what its worth and smell the goddamn flowers” He said as he once again extended the daises out to my nose.

I still have those pink daises in a frame right next to my bed and I look them every night and laugh at fact that our amazing friendship began with pink daises and sunset.