I’m Not Lovin’ It. Ever.

After dropping off Mike to catch his train this morning, I decided I’d get myself some breakfast – a coffee and something from Dunkin’ Donuts probably. On the way home at the intersection, I realized I could not make a right turn onto the street I needed to go down (I’m not all the way familiar with this new town I’ve been living in for a month). The Dunkin was about two miles away, and it was a trafficky area during rush hours due to construction on that road. But right in front of me? McDonalds. So I went there.

Living here, the McDonald’s is like a mile from my house. I’ve eaten more McD’s in the past month than I have in the past two years. It’s not like I’m all “YAY OH MY GOD FINALLY I LOVE THIS SHIT!” It’s more of the proximity. It’s close, it’s cheap and will do in a pinch when time is short I guess. On your way to the city and need a quick dinner in the car? McCrapple has your back. Too hot to cook? They have frozey drinks now! Drunk at 2 AM and somehow need a burger? These bitches never close. Need to punish your body for all the good work you’ve been doing otherwise eating right and vaguely exercising? Rub these nuggets on your thighs.

I don’t even like McD’s. I don’t like their fries. I don’t like their grey burgers. I especially don’t like the employees. I like the new McCafe drink shit though, unfortunately. Especially the frozen strawberry lemonade. Those fuckers got me.

May I take your order?

Let me get onto something else I touched upon there, the employees. This doesn’t just go for McDonald’s but anywhere that I have to put up with people who are going to touch my food. I don’t want to see long-ass fingernails and I don’t want to see piercings. THERE I SAID IT. I’m not an old fart, but I guess the curmudgeon started setting in 3 years ago at a Food Town in south Jersey. This little tart cashier had the biggest ear-flaps I’ve ever seen in person. It’s so gross and looking at it, I couldn’t stop thinking of the nasty way it must look when it doesn’t have that big gasket in it, and how much ear cheese she has to pick out of it at night. I hate looking at facial piercings, especially when I can clearly see that they’re not well taken-care of. I don’t even like places that make you put a band-aid over it while you’re working to I guess try to hide it from me. BE APART OF SOCIETY AND GET THE METAL SHIT OUT OF YOUR FACE AND RING UP MY GROCERIES YOU LITTLE FUCK.

When a customer is around, visible or even in earshot, pretend to like your fucking job and act with a modicum of professionalism. I had better damn well NOT see you texting or talking on your cell phone while you’re on the clock. Fuck, I shouldn’t even know you HAVE a cell phone at all, why am I seeing this? Ring up my purchase. I can name one specific example. And I hope to sweet lord that someone has heard my complaint previously and done something about it. I was at Macy’s Herald Square in NYC buying something for work. Not “I was buying myself an outfit for work.” I mean I left work with a work credit card to buy something for my job. Not once in the store was I approached by any employee asking me for help (having worked in retail, I know the importance of personally needing to interact with any customer you see. ever.). When I finally, with no help, found what I needed to buy and went to the register to pay for it, I had to wait a minute while this clicky-clack bitch 1. Finished her personal conversation with another employee next to her !and! 2. Sent a text message – for her to start ringing me up. She then says “oh this doesn’t have a price tag on it….”

Do your own damn price check, I’m busy.

What I expected to happen next was her to tell the employee next to her to go get a price, right? RIGHT?? No! She said “you need to go get one with a tag” as she did not make eye contact and whipped out her cell phone and commenced her texting. I was floored. FLOORED. I dropped my shit there and went to JC Penney’s down the block. BECAUSE I NEVER. I’ve consistently gotten HORRIBLE, TERRIBLE, WORTHLESS “service” in that Macy’s. Not every Macy’s though! I’ve had absolutely outstanding service and help in other stores, especially Bridgewater, NJ. I feel like the Herald Square store is resting on its laurels of being the biggest store, the flagship store and having built-in customers all the time because they’re a huge presence there.

I feel like we put up with a lot. It’s easier in this day and age to make companies aware when their stores, products or employees are not living up to that company’s standards or reputation. From now on, I’m DONE going to places I don’t like, always give me diarrhea* or bad customer service. And I will keep on praising the good places, be a returning customer, and always making sure to go out of my way to let a manager know when an employee has done an outstanding job – don’t just reach out to complain, say some nice shit too when the time calls for it.

*This does not include White Castle.

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2 responses to “I’m Not Lovin’ It. Ever.”

I appreciate the exclusion of the exemplary employees of White Castle. It really isn’t their fault. The other day I got White Castle and Rodolfo yelled at me for giving one to Caitlyn… he was all “NOOOOO…She’s gonna get the shits!”. She didn’t though. Cause she’s a badass.