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Author
Topic: LT #60: All who wander are not lost (Read 26761 times)

The title came to me in the middle of the night. It's a tribute to all of us who, despite our ups and downs, our trials and tribulations, have journied on and come out the other side.

Betty, we leave for the beach a week from today - June 7th - our middle daughter's 7th birthday. We'll be back on Saturday, June 13th. I'm trying to find things to do everyday so I don't actually have to spend time on the beach. So far, I've managed to fill 2 of the 5 days. Not sure what else we can do, but I'm going to figure it out.

As expected, my inlaws haven't shown up yet. I'm a bit nervous because they are in Tampa with my sister-in-law and she and her husband are the ones who drive them up here. We haven't heard from them, though, and they haven't returned Hubby's phone calls. I'll breathe easier when they are back on their side of the ocean.

Queen, are you still moving to NY? Have you been able to get everything switched over? You must be so excited.

I'm up early and really don't want to be. Our youngest son had a nightmare and crawled into bed with us last night. He likes to snuggle but it kills my back and makes me way too hot. I may just curl up on the couch for a while before getting everyone up. Happy Sunday everyone!

Mum, thanks for starting the new thread! Great title. I often feel like I'm wandering around in a circle, with no progress being made. Anyway, I remember you saying something awhile back about your in-laws, and not really looking forward to seeing them. Wasn't it because they don't remember your kids' special occasions, like birthdays? I hope the visit goes by quickly.

Queen, congrats on the news numbers, they look great. That's funny, Queen's in Queens. Anyway, when you get everything taken care of, would you please let me know how you switch section 8 to a new area?

Andrea, I hope you feel better soon. I'm glad the open house went well. Hang in there, only a couple weeks to go. You guys go for a long time there; most of the schools here were out a week ago, and my granddaughter's school (which is Montesorri) is out at the end of this week.

Well, I'm happy to report I got the blind cleaned. It was awful. It had crud on it from when I used to smoke in here (another thing I'm happy to report is that it's been a little over 4 months since I quit), and dust. It took me over an hour to clean. I used Windex and paper towels, and it turned the white paper towels a yellowish-brown color. Yuck. Anyway, it's done.

I did go to the NA speaker thing last night. The girl who spoke was terrific and inspiring. When she was 13, she lived with her aunt and uncle. Her uncle raped her repeatedly, and so bad it tore her insides up to the point where she had to have surgery. She's been HIV+ for 10 years. I'm glad I went. Today I may cook a steak on the grill. I've been marinating one since yesterday evening, and it's one I got at one of the local butcher shops, so I think it should be good. I have to clean the grill out, though. It sat out all winter. Anyway, I hope you all have a good Sunday.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Enjoying a nice, quiet Sunday while Ice works and before I start the weekly commute again. I"m on summer hours now, so we work long days M - Th, and then Friday we get out at 2:30pm. The last day of school around here is 6/16, so after that the traffic will lighten up. Last Tues and Weds mornings it took me 90 minutes to drive 25 miles to work. One afternoon a cement truck came off of a trailer and it took me an hour to go 2 miles on the highway to the next exit and then another hour to go 20 miles further home! Yes, people down here drive with their heads up their asses. I put hexes on all of 'em, lol!

I don't feel like I'm wandering now, but I do feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting for this TH to be ready to rent. I called the carpetman today for our estimate from last week and no one answered. Sigh. I guess I'll get a few more prices elsewhere, too.

My brother is getting remarried in 2 weeks and I'm not going to the wedding. Its out of state and he just met the girl. You only need a 30-day separation before divorcing where he lives, so he had a rather quick divorce last Fall. Now he's getting married again! Gheez! He gets deployed again at the end of June, for the umpteenth time. I always fear for his safety.

Mum, sorry that you're not looking forward to the beach, but if its because of the in-laws, I can understand that. Nothing is worse than family making you miserable when everyone is together and supposed to be having a good time. I get that way with my mother sometimes, I cringe at how her mood will be when I'm supposed to go see her. Mother's Day went well, thank goodness.

Betty you got the blinds cleaned, in ONLY an hour? I hate doing that stufff cause I am so OCD that I would take all day to do it, lol.

Nice to see you, Andrea. Sorry about the bug you've got. Drink plenty of water and chicken soup. It really IS magical! I hope you feel better. There's nothing worse than sick kids cause it just keeps going around, but I don't have to tell you that.

That is cute, Queen's in Queens. Hee hee! I hope this is a good move for her. No more lake-effect snow right outside her door this winter, she'll have a day to prepare for it now.

Going to febreze the mattress and wash sheets. Just me and Cheech for a bit today. I'll probably go over what my copays will be now for my meds since I don't have MADAP anymore after June. I think its going to be about $60 x 4 prescriptions now, per month. You KNOW we don't get any 90-day discount on HIV meds cause they are way too expensive. Crap. Lord, find me a renter for that house! LOL

Betty and Cindy, my in-laws aren't coming to the beach with us, my mom, dad, and brother are. My in-laws were "threatening" to come for a visit in early May, but never showed up. This is just what they do - we don't hear from them for a couple of years, then they threaten to show up for a couple of years, then they eventually show up and wonder why no one is doing back flips and rolling out the red carpet. Betty, my inlaws don't even remember my kids' names let alone their birthdays. I don't need the stress. It drives Hubby nuts, too, but he doesn't feel like he can say anything because they are his parents. Oh, well.

I had a different day. Billy and I went to Oklahoma with my dad and step mom to a casino. I gambled half of my birthday money that my dad gave to me. I only lost half the money and I was there for at least 5 hours so I did pretty good. LOL Would have been better to have won a ton of money but I didn't expect to so I had fun. Billy and my dad left with a little more than they came with so that was good.

The last time I went to a casino was in 2003 maybe. I lost that time too. The only other time I went was in the mid 90's and I won 400 bucks after spending near 100. So technically I am still ahead by maybe 140 bucks.

Mum- I think there has never been a title that was so appropriate. I feel so lost today and wandering. It's really a life suspension for me. I am so sad once again. I swear I try to have a good or great attitude and I just feel that things suck!!!!! I went to a party yesterday, had one beer and brought a good friend (since I was 13) with me into Brooklyn. Or I should say he brought me.

Anyway, late last night he said he was always in love with me. He told me this before. But I just kept pushing him away which was fine until this moment.... he said "I love you and wish that you were never with ____....otherwise I would definitely want to spend the rest of my life with you. OMG, I don't need to hear this...I was laying in my bed and he came up and said this. How awkward for one thing....and second I have gotten rejection a lot lately but I didn't say anything to bring it on. I was just about to fall asleep.

What the heck?

I swear, I am ready to jet....literally jet. After my surgery and birthday I'm gonna land in London...i'm sooo freakin down with everything. And yes, and am I running from my issues, no! I need a change of scenery. All my life plans are getting squashed. Trust me this is only the half of it!

Cam, hun, I don't know what to say. Sometimes life sucks and sometimes it blows. Maybe the change of scenery will do you some good. Give you some time away to think outside of the familiar. I tell Hubby often that "Swiss Family Robinson" - being on an island with no other people, but us, around - sounds perfect to me. Hang in there, sweetie, you'll get your answers. I'll be praying for you.

Wendy, that sounds like fun. I've never been to a casino - don't even play the lottery. I'm way too cheap.

Today, we are supposed to have SUN and NO RAIN!! I can't believe it - the sun does exist and it's coming here. Of course, starting tomorrow, it's getting colder with chances of rain everyday, but at least we have today.

Yesterday Hubby asked me if I knew what Friday was. I told him it's the 5th, the day my brother is flying in. He raised his eyebrows at me "and......" I was stumped, I had no idea. He put his hand over his heart and asked if I was serious, which I was - I had no idea. IT'S OUR ANNIVERSARY! and I completely forgot I never forget. I apologized over and over and he just laughed at me - told me now I know how he feels. So now on top of ball games, pizza parties, 3 appointments on Thursday and our daughter's birthday party Saturday before leaving for the beach on Sunday, I need to find time to go get Hubby an anniversary present.

Hello Ladies. Long time, no see. Things are good here,everything has settled down with my disability. I have repaid everybody that I owed, had a lot of work done to my car, bought Robert and myself new clothes and still have a little put back. I feel much more secure. I have finally gotten over being sick, I feel like I was sick for a month. I do have another appointment with MY doctor on July 1 st. I had to see another Doctor in the practice and believe me I told everyone there that I was not happy with that. Moonlight, so happy to see you again, give Cheech a hug for me. Good luck finding a renter, I will be hoping you get a good one. Queen, a new man and a new town. I am so happy for you. I hope things go great and you really enjoy yourself, you deserve it. Betty,glad you got the blind cleaned. How is the new job going? The Na speaker sounds like a really good one. I am glad you got to go. You have a new grandbaby coming? Congratulations. Minismum. how do you do it all. I get tired just reading your posts, you are truly a wonderful woman. Wendy, glad you had fun at the casino and I'm sorry Haley moved so far away Camms, hope things work out well for you and I hope you enjoy London. Best of luck with your surgery Andrea, 1 week and 1 and a half days left in school here. Are you are looking forward to a break. We sure are. Robert has a concert at the civic center in town tonight. I will take some pictures and post a couple tomorrow. I have to dress him in 50's style, glad they sent a picture. Something about Dinosaur Rock, it should be fun. I will check in again soon. Anybody I missed, Netta, any other ladies, hope things are good, talk to you soon. Cristy

Cin, I only had one blind to clean. And it took me a little over an hour. Trust me, I know about OCD. Sometimes I'll be watching t.v., and it looks like one little thing is out of place, and I'll get up and straighten it out. I remember you telling us about your mom and how frustrating she can be. I'm glad mother's day went alright. I can't believe your brother's going to be deployed again. This is one big reason why so many vets have trouble mentally, is multiple times being deployed. It's awful and I wish our government would do something about it.

Mum, your anniversary, aye? Wow! Are your parents going to watch the kids so you two can have a nice dinner out or something? I hope you get to spend some time by yourselves. I know you could use it.

Wendy, I've only been to one casino ever, and I walked out with, I believe, $3.00. It was fun, though, and I didn't plan on winning, so it was no big deal. Lots of stimulation for the mind, that's for sure.

Camms, I'm so sorry you're going through a bad time. I don't expect you to spill everything on here, so if you ever want to chat, drop me a pm. I didn't know things were this desperate for you. Please hang in there.

It's very grey and stormy outside. I was going to do laundry today, but I really don't feel like dodging raindrops to do it. Tomorrow I have an appointment with the doctor early, so I'll probably do it then. I have nothing exciting to report, just wanted to check in. You all have a good one.

Cristy, you posted at the same time I tried to; good to hear from you and I'm glad you're feeling better!

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Happy Birthday! Wendy!Cj- so glad to herar from you and glad things are working out!Moon- good luck with the th.Queen- you are in Queens,NY??? good my Mom lives there, Springfield Gardens.Whenv I come to visit I will look you up!Camms- cheer up, a vacation for you would be great, remember things could be worse!Viv- know you can't wait to start your summer vacation, Our kids got out in May.Betty- I also did some spring cleaning this weekend, I hate dust and it affects my alergies. Such a touching story about your na speaker, I feel for her, I was raped at age 5 by my foster father and caught V.D.!!!Mums you are sure a busy woman, I get tired also just reading your post. Happy Aniversary to you and hubby, hope you have some time alone planned.I am excited to be moving again, this time I am breaking my lease, we are leasing a house with my DD and her 2 girls, in her same subdivison, Lake Wildwood.This is an a gated comunnity with older homes, in the best side of town. It is a racially mixed community which is great, my grandkids have best friends who are another race and they all get along fine and have sleepovers, kids are so inocent, and colorblind when it comes to love, What a wonderful world it would be if we all were.!!! We will have access to the lake and pool and the girls will be able to stay in their schools, which are the best. I wiill have a yard! and mu dh wills have a garden .MY dd is planning on staying with us a year and buying her own house in the same area. I am so proud of her, she has come a long way, and going through a divorce, working hard and going back to school for her masters degree! she is only 29.all this from a girl that got pregnant at 18 and , no one knew till she went into labor!! Thats another story!!! Hey, have any of you ladies been watching the knew show on tv "I didn't know I was pregnant" it is funny to me, and what about John and Kate plus 8?? All there business is in the street, so to speak.Well love to all.

I have some time to myself, everybody had to run out and do errands. So, I am getting a breather and figured I would chime in. As for NY, well I love the place but people are always in a rush and rude as hell. I got caught in rush hour on the subway... I mean there was no room on the damn thing. And I have a bit of a phobia about being in crowded places so it was not a pretty picture. And I told my man if we get caught in rush hour again, I will kill him..

Betty---All I did so far is went to the section 8 office here and got their mailing info, fax number, and the person to put in attention to. That's what my section 8 office told me I needed. The section 8 office here ( in NY) said I should be getting some type of transfer package from home. I have my appointment on the 8th and am leaving this Thursday. When I come back in a few weeks, I will start looking around for apartments.

Netta- Well, I hope I am settled by the time you come. I like here a lot, though am not crazy about the attitude of the people but I guess I will get use to that. It's funny to me how everyone seems to be in a hurry around here. Even when they are not on the subway!!!!

Wini-- The casino sounds fun. One opened up back home but I have never gone. I like the slot machines. And I know I would leave broke that's why I stopped going to Bingo. Damn people would hit 2 or 3 times and I would be broke as hell... Glad you had a good birthday.

And yep Queen is in Queens. Hey Eddie Murphy found his Queen in Queens in "Coming to America" iif I missed anyone, iI apologize. Ugh, I am dreading this 9 hour train ride.

Good to see you, Cristy, Queen and Netta....Just a quick post before I go to bed.

Camms so sorry you are feeling down. There have been times for me like that which seemed to be the lowest of the low, and in the middle of it all I'd just giggle and think to myself, "This is life, this is what's real...." and I would somehow try to look forward to whatever "excitement" was ahead. Sure, its wasn't always good stuff that was 'exciting', but I'd find a way to put a crazy spin on it and think of it as God's way of keeping me on my toes. Might sound weird, but during my lowest points I would always tell myself out loud, "This is happening for a reason, this is happening for a reason, and I'm right where I'm supposed to be." I guess it was just my way of simplifying the situation and trying to justify it. Hang in there, GF, we're here for you.

Going to the eye doc on Weds to have my lower tear ducts UNplugged. Yes, unplugged. I had tiny silicone plugs put in them about 12 years ago due to having very dry eyes. Turns out it was the protease inhibitors I was on that were drying out my eyes back in '97.

Well, now my right eye doesn't drain correctly and its always "weeping" up into the crease of my eyelid, ruining my make-up and irritating my skin. My new eye doc said that an UNplugged duct could help the eye to drain correctly, so I am gonna try it. I can't stand my eyelid being red and peeling all of the time. Wish me luck.

Netta, congrats on the upcoming move. One of my sister's foster kids lives in a gated community out in Phoenix, and it's really a very lovely place. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.

Queen, thanks for the info. I used to love that movie "Coming to America." I thought it was hilarious.

Cin, "I'm right where I'm supposed to be" is a saying we use quite often in the 12-step programs. Thanks for reminding me also of that fact. It helps. Luv you too, by the way.

Yeah, I'm up early. I have a doctor's appointment in a couple hours. Just typical stuff. And I really need to do laundry. I don't have anything exciting planned, nothing worth reporting right now. Oh...

I have a friend, whose been my friend for years, from NA (Narcotics Anonymous). I knew her when I was off drugs before, then she moved away to another city. Well, she maintained her clean time, while I got strung out on prescription medication. She moved back here last fall, and everything was alright at first. For some reason (a friend of mine says it's because she's jealous that I finished a bachelor's, while she's never even finished an associate's), she constantly reminds me she's got "20 years clean." It's like she lords it over my head. Every time we talk, she always finds a way to fit it into the conversation. And she also likes to remind me about her having these two jobs before she went on disability: one was a case manager, the other was the head of a treatment center. She was telling me about the treatment center one yesterday, and I was getting really sick of listening to her. What she forgets is, that she told me awhile ago that she got fired from the treatment center job for embezzelment. I wish I would have remembered that when she was going on yesterday, I would have reminded her. I guess I'm just going to have to keep distance from her for awhile. Maybe she'll get the hint.

OK, that's it for now. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

UGG, Betty, I can't stand people like that. They always try to put others down by making themselves look good. But, like your friend, they tend to leave out that one minor detail. Hubby has a friend like that. He calls and brags about his house, his job, his income, his cars, his kids, his wife...Hubby doesn't even answer the phone anymore. What he tends to leave out is the fact that he is so in debt that he had to have a co-signer for his house and his cars, creditors are taking him to court, he's left his wife and kids for other women so many times that his kids can't stand him and he's still having affairs. Wow, that's the life I'd want to have

Christy, good to hear from you. 50's style for boys = white t-shirt and blue jeans and greased up hair I'm glad things are going well for you. Last day of school here is Wed. for kids who haven't missed more than 10 days of school and have a C average - they don't have to take finals. For the other kids, finals are Thurs and Fri. Teachers go through next Tuesday. I have until June 30th to get my stuff turned in to the school board for my kids.

Queen, safe travels Thursday!

Hubby and I won't be doing anything on Friday for our anniversary. My parents are driving to Pittsburg (3hrs one way) to pick up my brother from the airport, so they can't keep the kids. Plus, on Sunday we're leaving on vacation and money is really tight. We found out last night that our oldest son has a baseball game on Saturday at 1pm. Where they are playing is an hour from here. We had our daughter's birthday party scheduled for 2 that day. Now, I need to figure out when to do it. We may just celebrate at the beach on Sunday.

Tonight is our t-baller's pizza party. We're all going. The coach is giving out medals to all the players. It should be fun. Thursday we're off for our 6hr round trip trekk to the occupational opthamologist with Mim, our middle son, and youngest daughter. I hope he can figure out a way to help Mim with her eyesight and double vision.

Yesterday we got the garage cleaned out. Today we have to haul some stuff to the dump, clean the back deck, dust, and get more laundry done. The adventure never ends. Have a good one!

Hi everyone!I survived court today! When I first got there and my lawyer was in line, he came over and tried to ask me questions and made some dumb ass comments but I just ignored him. I have nothing to say to him, if anyone lives up to- actions speak louder than words -it is him, except his actions always seem to be negative. It made me feel like someone was finally listening to me. After the judge did her thing and it was time to leave, the baliffs walked him out and my lawyer made me sit back down until the coast was clear. They didn't even do that for a girl who was trying for a restraining order.I was telling my father what happened and that the judge had told him to get a lawyer and I was saying he would have to find one to do it pro-bono or find some girl to pay for it for him. My fathers says" Yeah, he should tell them you give me the money and I will give you HIV." or you could add " give me the money and I will beat your ass and give you HIV" It would be funny, if it wasn't true.

I have been trying to keep up with everyones posts but didn't retain much worrying about court and my grandmothers memorial service. It seems like everything always happens at once. Money has been tight. I had to ask my mother for money for gas to go back and forth for court and the service, dress clothes for the kids to wear. I got a shut off notice on the electric, my washing machine died, the car insurance is due. The list goes on. CALGON take me away It will be a miracle if my counts aren't fubared when I go at the end of the month. So anyHOO.....I hope everyone is doing well.

Hello ladies. Hope everyone is having a good night. Snowangel, that sounds like a very bad situation. I am sorry that you are still being dragged to court by your ex and being put through shit. I am sending you good Calgon vibes and hoping things get better for you. Minismum, wow you do have a busy schedule. Are you looking forward to your vacation?I hope you and your family relax and enjoy yourselves. Betty, I hate when people try to act all holier than thou. I hope you ended up having a great day. Moonlight, best of luck to you at the doctor's wed. Queen in Queens. I like that. I hope things go smoothly and you are very happy. Netta, glad you are happy to be moving. Yeah, I have been seeing all that shit about Jon and Kate plus 8. What I've seen hasn't been pretty. I have gotten into watching reality shows and Hollywood gossip shows. I like it. Anyway, last night I went to Robert's concert. I really enjoyed it and there were so many people there. I got a picture of him preshow but I was seated too far back to get any good ones of him singing and dancing. I enjoyed the whole show but ,of course, his was the best part. I am tired but in a really good mood. We went to McDonald after and I got him a happy meal. No pictures of me but I'll get pone soon. Have a great night. Cristy

Mum, boy, you sure are doing a lot of cleaning. I wish I were as motivated as you are. Good luck with the ophthalmologist. I'll be looking forward to hearing what he has to say. I hope he can get something figured out for poor Mim.

Andrea, wow, it's almost over!

Snow, I'm sorry about the whole court thing, but glad it seems like they're finally listening to what you're saying. And I'm glad they told him he has to have a lawyer. I hope this will all be ending soon. I'm sorry about all your financial trouble; boy, do I know how that feels. But, today's payday, and I hope that will help some. It sucks, I know, to have to pay out everything we get. I'll be thinking about you.

Cristy, I really love that pic of Robert! He is so cute! I would loved to have seen that show, I bet it was very special.

Well, my friend who reminds me about her clean time, sent out an e-mail yesterday about things she's doing this summer. The stuff she told me she's going to be doing, she already told me about. It's just one more way to say "look at me!" So, I've decided to cut her out of my life for awhile. It makes me very upset when someone has an inflated ego. It gets me to the point where I wonder if I'm good enough or not, and I hate feeling like that. And it gets me to feeling ill about the person, and I don't like feeling like that either.

Today, other than paying bills, and maybe going to the store, I don't have any big plans. I'm reading a couple books, and I started journaling a few days ago. It was talked about a lot at the NA convention I just went to by quite a few women. So, I thought maybe that would help. Alright, you all have a good day.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

tendai

hie everyonejust a drive by to say hie. i think my computer hates me. when i do a post it decides to freee up or the power goes or i get distracted or something. i havnt caught up with everyone yet...netta - congrats on the move, i hope u like it therecindy - good luck with the eyes. im thrilled u and Ice r still 2gether. thats just fantasticbetty - i also dislike people like that, i prefer to avoid them..cristy - that picture of robert is soooo cutesnow - hang in there sweetheartQueen - enjoy the big applecamms - i hope the change of scenery wil go you goodmum - happy anniversary

im ok, just bummed out about a rejection i got from this guy i almost dated in college. claims to be crazy about me but when i disclosed to him he was like 'ok see u around'. u know. so theres these other guys from work who're on my case wanting to go out with me and i cant go down that road again with the disclosure stuff. i dont really want to go out with them but i was thinking that suppose i DO want to go out with one of them theres always this damn virus in the way. its always going to be there and i hate it. it felt like i told him i have the plague or leprosy or something. and all that stuff about zimbabwe having a high incidence of HIV must be bull cos i sure cant find ny men with it...work's ok. Dr Vader docked our pay cos we werent signing in this book of his for what time we get in the office. Punishment doesnt fit the crime. $10 can go a long way these days. thats all for me , i'll see u guys later. oh and our new government is full of shit, those MDC guys have sold outlater alligators...

Just dropping in to say hello. I have been lurking not posting much. I was in a kinda funk this last month. Me and DH want to have another baby right. I talk to my social worker and she made me sorta feel like I shouldn't She went on and on about the what if's and how i may fall in the 1% of women giving it to their child. That like totally discouraged me. We really want another one though. I talked to my dr. and she said she didn't see any reason why I shouldn't have kids. I am at a total lost right now. . I dont know what to do.

Snow- How's it going babe... LOL... I hope everything works out in your favor.BT- I dislike when people have the big head also. Wow!! you could have thrown in her face what you have accomplished, like being clean, graduating with honors. So THERE TO HER! lol

Cristy- Robert is so handsome

Netta- congrad's on the move. I like those shows also. I use to wonder how could a woman be pregnant and not know.Hello to everyone I forgot to post to, I love you ladies, now back to work for me......

Tendai, it's so good to hear from you. I am so, so sorry and disappointed that the new government isn't working. That really sucks. I don't know what to say about having to tell guys about the HIV. I guess if there's one who has an open enough mind to think beyond just sex and the HIV, then there you go. These other guys, obviously are very selfish and are only worried about the sex, not getting to know you as a person. Just hang in there.

Latrice, I wouldn't listen to that social worker. Your doctor knows more about the baby situation than any social worker. If she says it's alright, then hey, go for it. You're young and healthy; you should have your children now. How's school? Over yet?

Today my therapist is coming over I believe. There was a story on the news today that another plant in Elkhart (IN), is closing down and over 250 people are going to lose their jobs. Add that to the already over 1,000 that have lost them due to the RV business taking a shitter, and that's a lot of people. It's no wonder it's so hard to find a job; there are so many people looking. Anyway, I hope you ladies all have a good day.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I finally made it back home. The train didn't get in til after 2am. I'm tired but not sleepy since I napped so much on the train. But I am sure it will hit me momentarily. I came home to my apt looking like a pig sty. I won't be doing any favors like that again. Just too long a story to get into. Then come into my bedroom thinking I am going to watch cable, wrong. They only connected it in the livingroom....wtf? Now I am going to have to wait 5 days for them to show up. I hope tomorrow is a nice day. I need to air my house out, it smells like stale cigarettes...*wrinkles nose*

Just a short post this time because I am going to force myself to sleep. I still have bills to pay tomorow. Just wanted you all to know that I made it back safely.....

Everytime I start to write about yesterday's appointment, I end up deleting it, trying again, deleting again. I can't find the words to accurately describe how disappointed (angry? frustrated? saddened?) I am by the experience. I couldn't sleep last night - been tossing and turning trying to figure out what to do next. At one point I'd decided not to even post about it. To try and just "let it go" until after our vacation, but it won't stop nagging me.

First, I must give credit where credit is due. Our son went first and the doctor was wonderful with him. He took his time, asked him questions, did a very comprehensive exam, spoke kindly, listened to everything my son and I were saying and took tons of notes. He changed his prescription, doubled it actually, and gave me some strategies to help him.

Our youngest daughter went last. Again, very kind and gentle with her. She has no periphreal vision in either one of her eyes. We thought it was only in her right eye. Her field of vision is different in both of her eyes - it's hard to explain. Anyway, he put these special crazy shaped lenses in a "frame", put them on her, and WHAM! she had periphreal vision. She was seeing things she'd never seen before. For that, I am very greatful.

In between the 2 was Mim. With her, he blew it. He was impatient and spoke to her very unkindly. I was trying to explain to him that while she can read, there are limitations and certain "criteria" for lack of a better word, that must be met. There can't be a lot of print on the page, it must be large, lots of space between the lines, ect. I tried to tell him about the "one ball becoming 4 balls" and the "dancing shadowy words", that she loses her place easily and her eyes become fatigued, she gets headaches, the whole shabang. He took no notes. His back was to me - he wouldn't even look at me or make an attempt to acknowledge I was speaking to him.

During the exam, which was short and uncomprehensive, he grew more and more frustrated with her. She was having trouble understanding what he wanted her to do. She was trying her best. At one point he looked at me, finally, and said that Mim was acting this way for the DRAMA of it! He all but accused her of faking it saying that Mim is going to do what she wants to do. I was shocked and incredibly hurt. He said that there's no physiological reason for her double vision and he doesn't see any evidence of it. How could he?? If it's neurological, you won't see a physiological reason. That's why we went to see him for crying out loud. He's a world reknown NEURO-occular specialist.

He has CDs that can be used on the computer at home for vision therapy. They aren't cheap and insurance doesn't pay for them. We had the money ready to get for Mim. He never even offered them. When I asked about her having vision therapy, he ignored me. I told him that her glasses were a year old and we'd like to get a new pair, even if he wasn't going to change the prescription. He didn't write us one.

I signed consents yesterday for him to get the kids' records from the previous eye doctors. I'm faxing him today to revoke my consent. No reason for him to have their records when they will not be his patients. Where do we go from here? I'm not sure. I will email Dr. F and ask him to write a prescription for vision therapy. I'm at a loss, but all is not lost.

Mum- I don't get it? Why would he be nice to your daughter and your son, but not Mim. I think that would make me nuts wondering why? You would be suprised (or maybe not, unfortunately) how many looks I get when I am out with my gang. One time, we all went to the ER when my oldest son cut his foot. The nurses did everything they could to ignore us when we finally got out of the waiting area and into the treatment section. This one lady was giving me the nastiest looks and making comments under her breath, to her co-workers. The 3some was 3 or 4 at the time and well behaved for sitting around for 4 hours. As soon as she found out they were all the same age, she was as nice as pie and made sure someone was over to help us. It was sickening. I don't blame you for re-negging on the consent form , the guy sounds like an prejudiced ignorant ass. You and Mim deserve so much better.

Wen- I like your new pic. Your hair got so long.

cjc- Robert is so adorable.

Hi Ten- Nice to see you. Sorry to hear about the rejection. Your right the punishment doesn't fit the crime. Is that a book the patients have to sign too, if not ,I would pre-sign my name ahead of time

Keeping-You know how I feel about your social worker

BT-LOL. I have no tolerance for people like that anymore, nothing like patting herself on the back.

I somehow lost some of my post. When I was leaving the school yesterday with all the kids, my oldest noticed a 5th grader was smoking a joint. Nice, huh?

Queen, I'm glad you made it home safe. I take it you let someone stay at your apartment while you were gone. That's always a tricky situation. I hope everything gets worked out.

Mum, that's totally and irrevocably ridiculous!!! I would tell him exactly what I thought about how he handled poor Mim's appointment. I hope she's doing alright and doesn't take what this jerk thinks to heart. And I hope your Dr. F can help her. I'm so , so sorry. What a jackass.

Snow, kids are using drugs younger and younger. For years, a lot of kids in elementary school who were on Ritalin would take it to school and sell it. I don't know if they still do; this was like 18 years ago. It's really sad.

I went to a women's HIV support group. There were two others there besides myself and the coordinator. One of them I've known for years. Her husband, who died years ago, and my 2nd ex, used to run together when they were using (heroin). She's blind from an Aids related illness (CMV), but very independent. It was nice to be there and talk to other women. I need to force myself to get out of this apartment once in awhile. I've decided that next week, until the next temporary job starts (which is a couple weeks), I'm going to volunteer at the last place I did the temporary stint at. It'll get me out of the house and out of myself, so I can't sit around and feel sorry. That's a dangerous place for me. I did get the whole apartment cleaned, and my cat just used the litter box and kicked litter on the floor. Oh well, that can always be swept up. I hope you all have a good evening.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

BT- I guess I knew that, i was just shocked to see it in person. I am glad you have been able to find some women to talk too and that will be nice to get out of the house especially when the weather starts to get better.

Can someone tell me how to make a pic small enough to post on the forums? It keeps telling me the file is too large.Thank you!

Well, I got up at 9 am and started paying my bills. I think I am going to try to go to sleep after posting this. I know I won't end up sleeping all night. I cleaned up the house today and did some laundry. Tomorrow I will run the sweeper. I just don't have the energy right now. I did get the cable situation worked out. I just screwed in the cable wire, for some reason the guy couldn't do it in my room. But now I have a remote he can program...

Mum- I plan on going back to NY in July and stay another month. Come back in August and finish things up here. Also when I go back I will start looking for apartments so I don't have to stay with the bf long. Just kidding on that, we get along well enough to co-exist in the same space. We both have government housing so you know how that goes.

Snow-- There was a kid here, 8 who went to school high and when the police went to the kid's house. I guess you know they found weed. And in another case a toddler accidently found her parents crack and ate it. Not sure how much but the kid got shipped off to Pittsburgh's Children's hospital. As for resizing pics, I know but not sure how to explain it. Wini may chime in when she sees your post.

Good morning, ladies! Another sleepless night and a million things to get done today. I got all the clothes packed up last night. I got all 8 of us into 2 carry-on sized suitcases. I'll finish getting the toiletries together tonight. We don't bring our everyday toothbrushes / toothpaste with us on trips, I have a set we bring on vacations so that we can pack everything up the night before and don't have to worry about last minute things the morning we leave.

Queen, I'm glad you found a place that makes you happy. Can you continue your radio job in NY, or will you have to give it up? I"m not sure how things like that work.

Snow, you would die if you heard some of the crap people say to us. It's not necessarily about the skin, but how close in age they are and how many we have. I'm writing a book titled "Stupid Things People Say When They Think Your Life is Their Business" We've also gotten free meals from places when the wait-staff gets nosey and mouthy. Did I ever tell you about the waitress who followed me into the bathroom? I'm peeing and she's standing outside the stall door telling me how WONDERFUL it is that we brought our DAY CARE kids out to eat.

Betty, I'm glad you have people you can talk to. There's nothing like that here. I wish there was. What kind of temp work will you be doing in a couple of weeks? I think it's great that you volunteer. I hear you about needing to get out of yourself. I've gotten myself into a really bad place with depression and feeling hopeless / useless.

This is a continuation of my last post. After I've typed a certain amount, which varies, my posting field starts jumping around. Not only can I not see what I'm typing, but the motion of the post makes me motion sick. It's been doing this for about a month. Must be someone's way of telling me to be less winded. Now, where was I....

Christy, Robert is such a sweetie. I can't believe how much he's grown.

I almost forgot, Snow, congrats on the avatar picture. You're very pretty. I haven't post a picture of myself because i can't find one i like. And, no, I'm not posting one of me on the beach, either.

As for the eye specialist. I'm not sure what his issue was / is. It bothers me more that he was so wonderful with my other 2 kids and not Mim. So far, the only thing she's said is that it's not fair that I and S get to have the glasses they picked out, but she doesn't and she picked out a really nice pair. We told her not to worry because we found a better doctor who will listen and help her AND let her pick out a nice pair of glasses. I'm emailing him a letter today. I've been working on it and almost have it nailed down. I should be pissed, but I'm more sad than anything.

I definitely feel much better after a good 8 hours sleep. I finished cleaning and now am finishing up the laundry. I finally got that stale smell out the house. And now I am just waiting on the cable guy to show up. Other than that I have nothing else planned.

I am wondering what happened to my stimulus check. I thought my student loans got it because they said something about a letter coming in the mail. But I never got any letter so I am wondering if they did take it or not. But I did find out that I got my 650 rent rebate, it'll come on the 1st of July. I'll pay my bills and the next day heading back to New York. I can't wait and Dennis will be in his new place. Good things are happening for both of us. He says I bring him good luck..

Mum- Have a safe trip. And I have given up the DJing because of the things that have to be done for my move to NY. It would be too much.

Mum, I hope you have a tolerable trip, since you said you don't like the beach. As far as people to talk to, well, I have a couple close friends that I talk to. When I go to the support group or NA meetings, I don't bare my soul or anything. But yeah, it is nice to have other people to chat with.

Today is warm and muggy. But, at least it's warm. I went to an NA meeting this morning and to the store. I'm going to do some reading, and probably writing. You all have a good one.

Edited to add: I just found out that a friend of mine from NA got killed at around 5:30 this morning. He was riding back from another city on his Harley, and hit a deer (he wasn't wearing a helmet). He was thrown from his motorcycle when it hit the guardrail and died from massive head trauma. I just took a picture of him at the convention I went to a couple weekends ago. This is totally unbelievable. This makes my 5th friend in 4 years. Just, wow. He had been clean 15 years. R.I.P. Paul.

« Last Edit: June 06, 2009, 05:54:55 PM by BT65 »

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

I hope you all are having a good day doing whatever it is that you do. Some work and those of us who don't have some type of daily routine/ritual. I have my Section 8 appointment later this afternoon. I expect it to go well. Then they have to schedule an appointment to inspect my apartment.

Been missing my man like crazy though we talk everyday on the phone. He just finished packing because he is moving into a new apartment building. It took him eight years to get the place. I did take some pics of us together but I don't think he would want me to post them, sorry.

I am still feeling tired, not sure if I am still recovering from the train ride or what?Well, I hope you ladies chime in today. Looks like it has been slow in here lately...

My friend's funeral is Thursday. He had it specified in his will for memorial contributions to go to N.A. How cool is that. Anyway, it still doesn't seem real.

I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for coffee at 2:00. We'll see if it happens. She usually has to cancel at the last minute because of her kids. I don't really have anything planned other than that. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Betty, I am so sorry about your friend. Things must seem surreal right now, esp since you just saw him. I feel so bad for what you must be going through. I'm sending prayers your way.

Queen, good to see you here, and I'm glad to hear you'll be returning to NY soon. It was funny reading how you thought everyone was rude there. Get ready, sister, its a fast town city with fast people!

Mum and Min, I can't believe the eye doctor's attitude! If he had flat-out ignored me I would've kept on questioning him until he turned around or something. I would at least report him, I've had to do that before with a dumbass or two.

Cristy, so good to see you, and Robert! Hee hee! What a cute lil "Greaser" he is in that pic! I'm glad to hear that you're getting things squared away with disability and things are falling into place for you.

Tendai, when I read your post I flashed back to 2002-2003, when I did a lot of dating, or at least tried to. I was so worried about the rejection, and then there came a time when I thought, "I don't have to tell this guy anything about my status until I'M sure that "I" like HIM." So, I kept quiet and figured, hey, I can date a guy a few times and not disclose. Some turned out to not be my type, so my status never became any of their business. As far as dating someone at work......GF are you crazy? LOL Be careful with that and keep telling yourself, there are always more guys out there. Hang in there.

Snow, its so nice to see your pic and your pretty face! It just made me smile to finally SEE you. I'm so sorry about the court crap you've been going through, and I'm still trying to get the complete story. I haven't caught up on old posts yet.

Well, I went to the eye doc last Weds and had my tear ducts unplugged. It was simple, just a pair of tweezers to pull out these teeny, tiny silicone plugs that were put in years ago. I have noticed that my eyes are dryer, but there is no weeping up into the crease of my eyelids like before. It still feels and looks like a tiny peeling sunburn in the inner corner of my right eye, and I just keep putting cream on all day long. As white as I am, a few ladies at work have noticed and have made suggestions, but oh well. I think the pollen around here is contributing to the problem as well with the dryness.

I am soooooooooo excited about my ID doc. I have been seeing him for about a year now, and last time I went in March, my labs weren't complete. He suggested that I get my labs drawn by his office, but I didn't think insurance would cover it. I called insurance last week, changed my ID doc to my primary doc and asked if they could draw my labs. Insurance said yes! So now I will go get labs drawn during the office visit and get results afterwards. At least I can kick their butts directly if they screw something up, but I don't think it will come to that.

Going to all of the clinics around here for labs was just awful, its been that way for years. You go in and every senior citizen in the county is in there and you're fasting, ready to eat your own hand, lol. Now there won't be all of these people waiting for labs, and I'll actually have an appt for JUST ME. I am psyched.

I just chose a new OBGYN today since my other one left the practice. Since I moved in with Ice, the secondary office for my OBGYN is walking distance from home!!! They set me up with a new doc who is an MD and not a CRNP, so that makes me feel better, with the HIV and all.

Cheech is set for a very short haircut early next month. Getting him to the groomer's and leaving him there all day will prob be more difficult than seeing my docs, lol. I have to take a day off of work for Cheech. Maybe I'll just try to shave him on my own next week when Ice is outta town. Ice won't know I used the trimmers, lmao.

I was too tired to go to work today, kinda got zapped from the heat at a graduation party on Sunday, sitting in a stuffy house that wasn't cool enough. I almost threw up and fainted and caught myself, running off to the bathroom. I stood over the air vent in there and seemed to do OK. I ended up in the cooler basement shooting pool with Iceman. I felt the exhaustion yest at work, but I am ahead with all of my tasks, so today, I said screw it, gotta look out for me and get rested.

Now I am craving McDs and I am leery of afternoon storms coming. They are supposed to be severe. Cheech and I will hide in the basement, lol! Maybe I'll take Cheech for a ride through the drive-thru, he'd like that, lol.

Anyone hear from Camms, Netta or my long lost Drag? I might still have her email somewhere. I might try to reach her.

Thanks for the prayers. I'm glad you have your ID doc as your primary one, and that you can have labs drawn by appointment. I went to have labs done yesterday, and was there for an hour and a 1/2.

I'm glad you're taking care of yourself. It's funny you mention craving McD's, because I always seem to do that at night, when I'm watching Jeopardy. Anyway, I hope you have a good one and stay safe from the storms. Luv,betty

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Betty, Sorry about your friend. I seemed to have missed that somehow. Cindy, always good to hear from you. Ooooh, you gonna shave Cheech with Ice's clippers....Hope Ice don't see any dog hair the next time he uses them or someone is going to be in trouble... We had a storm last night but since I had my hearing aids out, I didn't hear anything. It was more like a light show...lol

I am almost out of Insulin and since I have yet to see my new PCP, he can't prescribe me any. My appointment isn't til the end of the month. And no, I can't reschedule, they are booked. They suggested I talk to my old PCP but I already know that they won't do anything. I tried back in January to get something refilled through him and he wouldn't do it. And that's when I didn't even have a new PCP yet. I called my clinic nurse but she is in some type of training today for something.

Not much going on here. Gonna cook a pork roast today. And start going through closets throwing out things I don't need since tomorrow is garbage day. I am counting the days til I am back in New York with my Papi. *sighs*

HEY GIRLS, been a little busy and stressed out. my grandbaby ,six has been sick andwe have been running back and forth to the doctor. She has been having stomach problems and crying fits,.She was in the hospital for test, but everything is ok.some type of acid reflex or gastritis. I have been babysitting for a couple days last week. the doc gave her a 2nd med which we hope works. Other than that , just getting ready to pack forthe move.

Queen- so happy for you!!!Betty- sorry about your friend.Moon- is there something in the oven??lolTendai- so glad to here from you,stay encouraged there is someone for everyone.MInMom- I hope things get better with mins doctors, write that book in a hurry!!! get paid girl!!!!!Snow love that picture, do you have any of the kids??ps- watched Slumdog Millionaire, this weekend on video, it was great!hope everyone is well, love netta

Betty- I'm so sorry to read about your loss. That's horribly shocking. No matter how you look at it, it sucks and it's not fair. The timing of you getting out and being more socialable sounds like a move in the right direction.

Queen- Happy that you arrived safe and sound back home. It's really wonderful to read your posts of love and new adventures.

Snow- What a nice photo of you....very pretty

Cin- Are you in the tub for Cheech or he in there for you....or is it a mutual pact of thunder fears?

Queen, I wonder if you went to a clinic and took your Insulin vial in, if the doctor there would write you a script? I know you're anxious to get back to NY. When do you think the final move will be?

Netta, I hope your granddaughter feels better and that acid reflux is all it is. Then all she'll have to do is take a med for it. In other words, I hope it's not more serious. How are you doing with your new meds?

Cin, when I was a kid and there was a bad storm, my mom would have everyone go down the basement. I don't get too worried now. If things get bad, I watch the local station and see what they have to say. I figure if it gets that bad, I'll know. I was in a tornado when I lived in Alabama, and that was pretty scarey.

Camms, it's good to see you. How are you doing and what's going on?

Today I have to see the lady who's helping me find a job. I think I wrote earlier about how I live next to Elkhart, where the RV industry just took a dump. Well, there's another factory there that's going to close, putting 250+ people out of work. So, the job market is not good around here, at all.

Other than seeing that lady, my friend's viewing is tonight. I'll probably go to that, and maybe not to the funeral. It's going to be packed. There are going to be tons of people from other areas of Narcotics Anonymous who are going to be there, plus mostly everyone from this area. He meant a lot to NA, did a lot of service work, sponsored a lot of people. He was just a good guy all the way around and he's going to be missed, seriously. Nothing other than that. You all have a good one.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Well, yesterday was crazy for sure. Long story short, I had to go to the emergency room to get a script for my insulin which should last me til I see my new PCP on July 1st. Yes, I am very anxious about going back to New York. I am leaving again for NY on July 2nd though I may not stay the full month this time. And my man is suppose to be coming back with me to help me pack.I think the final move will be the end of August, that is when my lease is up. Right now the section 8 inspector has to come out and reinspect the place again. That is on the 23rd of this month. I don't see a problem there because the house is in the same condition as when I moved in.

I don't know whether to say I am in love cause I have never been before. But if this is what love is, it's freaking great. He is the sweetest man, I swear. Someone from my blogs wanted me to blog about my man but I don't know if people can stomach such an entry. I have rarely been blogging. I mean each blogger seems to always blog about hiv. I know it is a poz blog but I just think sometimes people get tired of reading about hiv this and hiv that. But then maybe folks get tired of reading my blog, I dunno. I am considering giving up blogging but I am not sure yet.

Queen- I think you should share about your new guy if you continue to blog. I think it's really inspiring and gives other people, who are lonely, hope to know that sometimes we just have to be patient.

Well I've been really busy being prodded and poked, filling out medical forms and talking to medical personnel regarding my surgery. I've been feeling back to myself these days which is really a nice feeling. It gets so tiresome getting bad news one after another. It's like "enough already". I started to distant myself from people and the forum because I just felt that I was "debbie downer".

Tomorrow is my 40th birthday. If one more person tells me that 40 is the new twenty I will have to smother them in wrinkle cream. Most of the people who told me that was around 20....figures.

Queen, I know you're anxious to get back to your man. I'm glad things are working out for you. Are you excited about the move?

Camms, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope you have a really nice day and do something nice for yourself. I hear you about the wrinkle cream; used twice a day here.

I didn't go to the cookout because it was raining. I guess it still happened though. That's alright. The visitation yesterday was enough I think. I had to go to the local ASO here for a potluck today for the people they have to let go because of lack of funding. I e-mailed Indiana's governor about it, and got an e-mail response back from his staff saying that was a federal matter, and the governor doesn't deal with that. It's because he's Mitch the Bitch Daniels, who's fucking everything up here with privitization. But, oh well. It's rainy and cool, so that will make for good sleeping weather. Night all.

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I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Yes!!!! I am definitely excited about the move, seems like things are moving slow about now, that's how bad I want to be back in NY. Camms, I may break down and do a blog about my man. I don't know how inspiring it may be to others though. I thought 40 was the new 30? Wrinkle cream, yuck, I don't use that stuff. Reminds me of the movie Catwoman with Halle Berry and Sharon Stone. When women was using cream and getting sick. But Sharon Stone's face was actually hard like a stone... Happy Birthday Camms. Hey, we both look good at 40. Hell, we all look good for our ages.Yeah, we're some sexy bitches!!!! Glad you are feeling better too. Believe me I know all about everything being something bad, that was me about last year this time. What a difference a year makes, I guess.

Well, I am going to finish watching wrestling then take a nice hot bath. Wonder where my wrestling buddy, Tendai is doing? Has anyone caught up with Drag or Wishful?

Good Morning Ladies. Things are good here. Betty, I am sorry to read about your friend. That is cool that he wanted all contributions to go to NA. Good luck with the job search, I hope the economy picks up and you find something soon. Camms, Happy Birthday to you. I hope you have a great one Queen, I bet you are really excited about moving to New York with your honey. That is fucked that you had to go to the emergency room to get your insulin. Moonlight , glad you and Cheech made it through the storms. Netta, I hope the medicine works for your grandbaby. I hate it when Robert is sick and nothing seems to help. Tendai, sorry about the disclosure thing. Not much going on, Tuesday was the last day of school for Robert and I got his report card. He will be going to the first grade next year. I am very happy about that. Going to Virginia today with Robert and my mom. She needs to get some new frames for her beehives. We stay far away from the beehives but they are in the field so it's easy to avoid them. I am so ready to move down to the trailer. I need to clean out the buildind and see what I need to buy as far as dishes and stuff. I long for my own bathroom, we only have 1 here at the house. Hope everyone has a good day. Cristy

tendai

betty, my condolences about your friend...cindy - u know what, girl, u are so right! why should i go hanging myself out to dry for a guy that i might not even like that much in the end. never has any guy said to me ' hey i'd like to go out with you but i have hiv'. im so definitely taking your advice. netta - i hope your granddaghter's better now. i'm hanging in there, some day someone will come..queen - i'm with the others who say u should blog about your man. it will give others who're giving up hope that they too will find someone right for them. we're waiting for extreme rules soon. CM Punk is so going to get killed by Umaga. Umaga speaks! i was shocked when he was taunting CM punk after dangling him upside down in the corner and beating the crap out of him. camms - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. How about if i say 'life begins at 40' :-)mum - i think your book would be a best seller for sure. that doctors really an ass, i hope u gave him a piece of your mind.

nothing much going on for me. the guy from work who wanted to ask me out was just here installing broadband in our building. yesterday he comes around my desk and says ' im coming to your house, cook for 2' and i laughed him off. so today he sends me a message saying 'i came to your house your gate was locked'. he's so lucky it was a message on the computer. i mean WTF is he doing coming to my house uninvited? i never said i was interested in him coming to see me. i dont even want to go out with him in the first place. my place is my sanctuary and after mr-out-of-town im not letting just anyone come there. i think im going in a totally different direction now. anyone who has the least similarities to him is a big no-no.

so the weekend's here THANK GOD! i might go to my aunt's place. theres this guy i met coming back from her place couple weeks ago and i gave him my number like a fool. so now he's calling me calling me, insisting that we spend the weekend together. i dont think so. i know im not in a position to be choosy but i know it wont work. no way no how. now how to tell him without sounding like a nasty bitch. he seems nice and all but i'm not feeling nada. i dont see him breaking thru the walls i've put up.so ladies, i will catch up with you all next week. have a great weekend and take care