It has always existed
the spirit – sort of speak
a feling expressing what we are
then there was Holden Caulfield
giving it a name
to the angst
the same angst
which is the slow, creeping thing in my blood
the claw in my head
the cluster in my heart
generating visions
of you disappearing
the warm body between my arms
fading into shades
leaving nothing but a memory
will that be the point
where I say
‘I can’t live without her
so I won’t even try’?
These false, selfbetraying words
offspring of a trauma
something never to come real
a nightmare
arriving day and night
producing the agony
again and again
god
please stop
stop these chain of thoughts
silence my mind
just for one minute
leaving the admiration
a smile
and peace.