Nothing Ethnic, Maybe some Chicken, Mostly Nessa

You want to lose HOW MUCH more?

by Nessa on April 18, 2010

Went out with the BFF today… we’ve been friends for way too long… too long to admit. We were young when we met… I was in my 20s… we’ve raised 4 kids between us… had a few husbands… finally have it figured out and life is good for both of us. She’s loved me fat or thin, redhead or not… I’m a goof and she’s my rock… the stable normal one to my insanity…. but it works well for us.

Anyway today was SHOPPING… (and lunch)…. we went to Arundel Mills Mall in hopes of finding CLINIQUE BONUS TIME…. we did not find it but we did find CLINIQUE… and some clothes…for me… and some books for both of us… but I digress. I got jeans today… SIZE 14. So why do I feel FAT? a year ago I was nearly size 26 again… I”m down to size 14 and I feel like a failure and I feel fat…. Sometimes.

The 14’s looked GOOD…. felt GOOD…. were on sale….. I swear I may wear them with the tags on…. wondering what the weather is tomorrow…I got some cute tops too. And beige corduroys for my STEAMPUNK costume for the SteamPunk World’s fair next month… they were 16s… I bet I could have done them in 14… Tops are still XL but that’s for the boobs… I’m thinking 40DD still… noticing bad skin under my arms now… might have been the bra I was wearing…

oh i did get 6 tanks for under clothes… size large cause i like them SNUG….

did some more shopping later with DH that included some new WORK-IT camis and some sports bras….

But that’s so NOT what I want to talk about today here… Donna and I were sitting at Chili’s having lunch…. (and I eat pretty normally now… I had the inside of half a wrap with chicken and a couple of french fries and brought the rest home…) and she asked me how much more I wanted to lose…. well I’m at about 185 now. I think I want to SETTLE at 155… I was a size 10 20 years ago at that weight so I bet I’ll be an 8 now? Sizes have so changed ya know…. so I told her FORTY more pounds…. that gets me to 145 and gives me 11 pounds bounce back room… Well she pointed out how good I looked at 155… so I’m really close to being at goal. I am 29.x pounds from permanent goal weight and 39.x from lowest weight ever… that’s NOT A LOT…. IF I continue losing an average of 2 pounds per week I am about 4 months away from permanent goal…. and less than 5 months from bounce back weight and I can’t see this happening. or maybe I can and that scares me to death…

I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that I might get to goal…. maybe that’s why I set my goal so low… so that I’d never get there…. who knows.