Friday, June 15, 2007

Remembering…

This Sunday is Father’s Day and this bitch can’t help thinking of my beloved father who passed away several years ago.

I think of him most during random moments…while doing lawn work or eating a hot dog. Those memories are so vivid they sometimes take my breath away…sudden images of the most random of moments that seemed so insignificant until the possibility of them no longer existed.

I have learned some amazing lessons through the process of missing my father and coming to accept the ever present ache that is loss and remembrance.

I’ve learned that wild outrageous laughter has no expiration date. It floats eternal in the atmosphere of those who experienced it. I close my eyes and my mind reaches out and captures it…ah, just for a moment to savor his loud crazy from the stomach laughter that made heads turn and caused lips to curve.

I know that the taste of my father’s nastified experimental meatloaf is a stronger memory than the grandest of meals or fanciest of dining experiences. I will never forget the look of culinary satisfaction on his face while removing that meatloaf from the oven or how it transformed into comic horror after his first sample.

And I know that my father’s flaws were as precious as all of his distinguished accomplishments. I even understand his fear of an empty refrigerator…that paranoia about hunger that he never could shake no matter how many years he put between himself and the abject poverty of his youth.

Sigh.

This Father’s Day I lovingly remember those flaws and imperfections…the deep appreciation for motor oil and grilled meat…the dedication to social justice and giving back…the inability to resist fucking up perfectly decent recipes by adding ridiculous amounts of oatmeal and/or coffee…and the laughter.

I lost my father 59 years ago and my step-father 20; I miss them both, and I still am reminded of them by random moments in unexpected ways. I am lucky that I had them to love, but being twice bereaved seems pretty heavy at times.

I don't know who you are but you don't sound angry or like a bitch. This just made me cry alot which i need to do from time to time. It's a beautiful tribute from a loving daughter to a loving father departed. I cry because i always longed for that father and those feelings and those memories. Thank you for remembering on Father's Day and bless you for appreciating the gift he was to you.

Dear Shark-fu/ABB, I hope you don't mind my using your Father'sDay blog in my You Tube FD video ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1msbvc2uFU ) I have credited you and included your Blog addy. If you have a problem with this, I will certainly remove the video. Thank you.Lucie