Wednesday, June 15, 2011

A Scurvy Scow with Subpar Chow

Mom called me to tell me she got home from her trip to Scandinavia. Mom took a cruise, and the "floating hotel" that took her from place to place sounds like one of those "As Seen on Cops" no-tell motels. She said the food was awful, and the overall service was poor (although, because of the fluke-y fact that we share the same last name as one of the big-time captains for the cruise line, she personally received a lot of fawning service). Mom basically got off the boat as early as possible (Scandinavian mangoes are particularly tasty) and returned as late as possible- hell, one doesn't travel to stay in one's hotel, even if it is floating (not even if it's nice).

She had a great time in Copenhagen (she stayed in a "minimalist" hotel with eccentric plumbing- I wish she'd taken a picture of the "indirect" bathtub drain which channeled water from the tub to a second drain in the floor). Her trips to Oslo and Stockholm were enjoyable- she did the typical "European tour" thing- hitting the museums, and the churches (she even checked out an old stave church in the hinterlands). She snacked like a native on raw herring and toured a Swedish brewery, all the while basking in the 24-hour sunlight of the far-north. She especially loved the Vasa Museum (you know your accomodations are crap when you prefer the sunken boat to the one you're sailing on). One of the highlights of her trip was visiting an archaeological excavation of a fourth century village, also in the hinterlands- yes, there were Goths long before Bauhaus released their first album.

All told, though, she said she was glad to be back home- some airline SNAFUs, and that awful ship she traveled by (mom's not a "cruise person", preferring to structure her own time and travels- so much for beginner's luck) dampened the fun somewhat. She would have had a better time cruising around Scandinavia with these critters:

Alas, I didn't ask her if she met any sexy ice giants (can one even say "hot ice giants"?) while she was overseas.

About Me

The Big Bad Bald Bastard is a character played by Monsieur _______ of the City of Y______. The role of the Bastard is a handy one to play on subways, walking the streets, and in dive-bars, when being a nerdy, bookish sort is not to one's advantage.