Bad news, you guys. This could be my FINAL CATALOG! Then where will I turn for the sheer tastelessness that only Fingerhut can offer? The long weekend approaches and the catalog has some key items to make your Memorial Day and awesome day. Or at least: A day. Lawn ornaments, cubic zirconia and grills (the kind you cook with), after the jump.

A digital video camera! In exciting colors! And the company is called DGXUSA so it must be made in Amurrica. What do you mean it's made in China? That's crazy talk.

It's not an American holiday unless you cook meat over fire. The Nu-Wave oven ought to be black and come with a smiley face T-shirt. Oh, wait, that's Nu Rave. Make that a Cure T-shirt, then. As for the year-round grill, I'd think there was a problem with it if my mind were not addled due to carbon monoxide poisoning.

It's not Memorial Day without a flag!

Oh, dear. Nothing classes up a lawn like some PVC critters.

A hammock is key for day-off lounging, but let's discuss the well. Because a well in the yard means Precious Moments™ in the house. Am I right?

Jewelry makes any holiday memorable! Get an eagle pendant to prove your patriotism. Or some CZ earrings. I love how they have a black dude for illustrative purposes, like, "Hey, it's okay for men to wear Diamonique studs. See? This black guy does it. So it must be cool."

If anyone tries to critique your grilling technique, bust a cap in 'em. Kidding! Violence is never the answer. But the threat of injury can often be effective. Just tuck the semi-automatic on the lower right into your apron or the back of your jeans. They'll get the message.