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Overcoming the Reactive Mind

By
Dr. T.R. Khanna

Every day, life presents us with countless
situations in which we must make choices. The choices we make are dependent
upon our mental state. We can make each situation a success or a disaster,
depending upon our ability to drop our ego-centered images in the moment, and
instead, choose the vibrant energy of higher consciousness.

Without our connection to higher consciousness,
we become reactive, because we cling to old familiar ideas that clash with
reality. But if we remember that we have an unlimited reservoir of constructive
and creative energy within, we can tap into that energy and experience
self-confidence.

Why is it important to stay in touch with this
higher state? Because we may think that we know a lot, since we have gone to
school and learned a few things. We may even think we "have it all
together" because we are succeeding on the material level or functioning
well on the job.

But if, in spite of all this, we are
identifying with our images and expectations, rather than our higher
consciousness, we are bound to fall prey to our reactive mind. When we do
things from the ego-centered point of view, even if they are good things, we
are easily victimized by our reactive mind.

What Are the Signs of a
Reactive Mind?

The reactive mind has its own agenda, and does
not want anyone or anything to stand in its way. Sometimes it becomes hostile,
arrogant, abusive, or even violent, because it cannot have what it wants, when
it wants it. At other times, the reactive mind becomes haughty, retorts, and
has to have the last word. It is ready to argue and make excuses for its
faults, rather than correcting them. The reactive mind angrily walks out,
sulks, and hopes that someone will come and placate or pamper it. If nobody
does, it goes into self-pity.

Looking for appreciation and recognition, and
having feelings of self-importance are symptoms of the reactive mind. The
reactive mind becomes resentful when it does not get the attention it seeks. It
becomes very individualistic, and refuses to let go of its images or cooperate
with others.

We need to operate in this world from a state
which is beyond ego and the reactive mind if we want to have a happy, peaceful,
and stable life. The following suggestions will help us attain the rewards of
overcoming the reactive mind.

Ways to Overcome the
Reactive Mind

Take Charge of Our
Attitude

What does a positive attitude do for us? When
we are positive, we can put others at ease and bring out their best qualities.
We can create solutions instead of succumbing to the conflict that follows
reactions. Whenever we discover that we are reacting, we should make mid-course
corrections, and tune back into our inner peace and depth. We are the producer
and director of our attitude, so it is our responsibility to make it the best.

Set Realistic Goals and
Expectations

Sometimes we set unreasonable goals for
ourselves, or we think other people have expectations of us. Then we frustrate
ourselves trying to fulfill those expectations. As a result of that frustration
we can easily trigger the mind to react.

We can overcome this reactive state by being
more realistic in our expectations, and by letting go of those expectations
where necessary. We should ask ourselves daily, “What kind of unreasonable
demands am I creating that are making me react to
situations and people?” Then we can create priorities that reflect more
realistic expectations for ourselves and others.

Slow Down Inside

When we worry about how to accomplish our
"to do" lists, we build a mental pressure cooker inside our mind and
fuel it with more and more tension. It does not take long for our hyperness and tension to spill over into mental reactions.

To overcome reactive mental states, we need to
learn to slow down the racing mind. To accomplish this, we can slow down our
breathing, making each inhalation and exhalation deep and full. We can also put
a brake on the racing mind by practicing hatha yoga
poses with full concentration.

Practice Self-Improvement

If we really want to free ourselves from the
reactive mind, we have to make a solid effort to do good actions and think good
thoughts. Every day we should do something to improve our inner and outer
environment. For example, we can start a new exercise program, go on a diet, or
learn to meditate. By building confidence in our higher consciousness through
self-improvement, we can learn to go beyond the reactive states.

Communicate Patiently

Whenever we are having difficulties, we should
keep our communication channels open. Closing in and giving others the silent
treatment, or blowing up and "letting off steam" is a false mental
release which does not resolve any problems. By making an effort to be more
patient with ourselves and others, and using a tremendous amount of love and
care, we can explain things without reacting. We can learn to patiently tell
others what our difficulties are, rather than expect them to know what is going
on with us.

Give Encouragement

Sometimes we immediately react or criticize our
loved ones without remembering our love for them. To avoid alienating our loved
ones we should encourage them to be the best they can be instead of constantly
criticizing them.

We should use kind words in abundance with our
loved ones. Be quick to praise and slow to criticize. Good will and
encouragement help everyone. In addition, we should avoid reacting or being
critical at home, while at the same time, being overly friendly with outsiders.

Become the Observer

We can halt the reactive mind in an upsetting
situation by becoming an objective witness. No matter how dire the situation
is, we should remain calm, cool, and collected. Then we can take the necessary
action from the perspective of inner clarity rather than outward panic. By
becoming an observer rather than a participant in reactions, we can
disassociate ourselves from the reactive mental state. We can calm down, listen
carefully, and dissipate our own reactions while we let the other person have
their say.

Be Compassionate

If people are trying to fight with us, we
should give them help, rather than giving back our
negativity. We should show them that there is a way out of their difficulty. We
should be compassionate to help, and at the same time tough-minded to avoid
reacting. Controlling our reactions to people who are reacting is very hard to
do, but it becomes easier the more we draw upon our inner reservoir of
compassion.

Beyond the Reactive Mind

Overcoming the reactive mind is not a one-time effort, it's a daily practice, a lifetime process. We should
never give up on ourselves, nor should we underestimate the goodness we have
inside. Even one good practice can start to free us from the reactive mind.
We should keep working to develop that deep, intuitive, compassionate
perception that comes from learning wisdom and practicing wisdom in our daily
lives.