Comments:

I couldn’t go out with someone better looking than me. I usually date around the same, maybe +/- .5 on a 10-point scale. There are definitely personality traits that influence whether or not I find someone physically attractive.

I don’t want to date men who are better looking than I am. I have met men who do not post a photo but have an interesting profile. I find that I find any man more attractive if I truly like him. How I feel about a man’s looks changes as I get to know him.
Elli

Although attractiveness is in the eye of the beholder, I tend to date the men I deem not necessarily ‘hot’, I like ‘Joe Average’, I just feel more comfortable with them. Therefore my answer is a definite “NO”

Nooooooo…I tend to date my equivalent, if one can objectively judge that. I had the “hot” guy date me some time ago, and it was ridiculous. He owned the local bike shop and women were always coming in drooling over his blond locks and long eyelashes, asking to have their water bottle bracket adjusted or something silly like that. I would say I dated him *in spite of* his “hot” status. I think at the time I was considered, “hot,” as well, though I really could have cared less.

A little gray, a little balding, a tiny bit of paunch…I really don’t care. However, many men my age (42 today!) that are on-line seem to have totally let things go; some look as old as my Father! Can’t go there, sorry! I do wonder how they’ve been living to look so old, paunchy and tired already. One does not like to project into the future…

Pretty much all guys want hot women. The problem for the less attractive guys on line is that hot women typically won’t give them a shot.

I do think there is a difference between hot and attractive. Perhaps women don’t want men who are smokin’ hot (I know this is wrong, but I am suspicious of smokin’ hot guys on line), but I think most women do want men who won’t make them gag. As I mentioned in a previous post, I don’t get lots of emails or winks, but even I won’t respond to a man that I find completely unattractive — but for me attractive is a 5 or 6 not 8-10.

It would be NICE!!!! Doesn’t happen often. BUT, as a woman, I get really afraid if a guy is too physically attractive, he’s gonna be causing me some major heartbreak, proven fact from prior experience. I just try to avoid them if they are too hot. I am pretty cute (so I’ve been told…that could be BS) but when a guy is too hot…uh-uh, watch out.

Hey, thanks, JuJu! I am done wrestling with programming the VCR and on to making pizza for pals. Ciao!

On this question, it brought up whether men want the hotties because they will be ENVIED BY OTHER MEN, besides the obvious benefit of improving their personal experience, it improves their self-esteem. Is this true? In some ways I think men have a competitive ego in this area that women mostly lack. Sorry to be so gender-biased.

I do have an ongoing casual relationship with a super hot guy. I don;t like him because he is hot though. I like him because he is a ball of warmth and love.

Women go nutty over him – waitresses, random girls on the street. One girl turned around when we were in a convenience store and just It’s like I wasn’t even there. I didn’t like it. I do avoid super hot guys because of that now, for sure. Not because of the guys so much (because frankly, I think they get a little bored of being gushed over like, just like pretty girls do) but because the girls are baaaaaad and I don’t deal with it well.

I think it’s not the lack of ego (women may also want to show off), but, rather, the general inability to be in the moment that women exhibit (compared to men). They also think much farther ahead. I.e., a hot (wo)man may be not the greatest long-term prospect, but fantastic for the time being.

I have to admit that if my eye catches a hot looking guy online I will look at the photo’s and read their profile, but very often I will not contact them as I feel they are most likely not in the market to meet a woman who is looking to seriously date someone. I feel guys like that are problably already swamped with women emailing them or like to play the field. I do like the way a man looks, but ultimately it is also what they write in their profile.Once we get talking it is also if he is charming, intelligent, has a sense of humor. Basically it is the whole package that makes me decide to contact them or go out with them .Most men I have been out with have been ranging from very good looking to average looking. I have to admit that men who have let themselves go as far as having a big belly would normally not attract me at all. It is for me a no no, but one guy I dated for a while was not at all physically in shape. We met and there was so much chemistry there that I thought he was just so hot. I did not even notice that he was out of shape anymore. To me it is more then just looks.

I certainly wouldn’t avoid dating a woman who was “smokin’ hot”. However, I have turned hot women down (who contacted me) when they obviously hadn’t read my profile, or wrote e-mails with abyssmal spelling and grammar. Attractiveness isn’t my primary criterion.

I’ve dated women who were less attractive than me, but there was something about them that I found physically attractive.

One drawback to online dating, however, is there are a number of women that I find attractive in person, but unattractive in photos. My last serious girlfriend was like that. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good way to identify women like that online.

I think men are lucky because women tend to have a wider range of acceptable physical appearance that they find attractive. Men tend to prefer very pretty or hot women, even when they are balding and overweight. You see this in the media all the time, so many commercials feature a pretty woman with a basically unattractive “husband.”
I see a related issue in that many (or most?) men won’t even date a woman their own age. And many men who indicate they will date an older women I think just show that to appear open-minded and more attractive to women. I’m an attractive 49-year old woman with a good profile (been told that often) and I feel I must compete with women 10 years younger just to get the attention of intelligent, interesting, attractive men (not hot men, just attractive). When I hit 50, I’m going to drop off the radar.

To answer Evan’s question, some of them are but not all. I’d peg myself as a 6 (maybe a 7 on a good day) and I’ve contacted guys from a 2.5-9 (though I typically do 4-8). The text of a guy’s profile is the #1 thing that I look at. If it grabs my attention and I feel like we could be a match, then I’ll contact that person. If they’re really quite good looking then I’m actually a bit more hesitant because I don’t know if they’d be interested in me. Also, guys who look too done (tons of time spent in mirror & gym) tend not to appeal to me because they seem rather superficial. Also, if guys mostly talk about how they like to run, play basketball, and go to the gym then I’m not likely to e-mail them because that’s not how I live my life (though I do like a walk, bike ride, or some other outdoor activities). So the traditionally “hot” guys I tend to avoid, but if their profile is good enough, I’ll still contact them.

Evan, you don’t think women want “hot” men ?? Put up a “hot guy” recon profile and just watch what they do …..LOL It’s hilarious !!

I’m an average guy who occassionally emails a hot woman but I just do it for kicks. I don’t ever expect a response but occasionally I’ll get one.
The woman I’m dating I would say is my “equal” on the looks/status scale and I’m very comfortable with that. I laugh when she tells me about all her responses she’s gets and I told her I know every guy that’s responding to her because they’re responding to my woman recon profile with the same exact emails and winks ..lol

Evan, I don’t think you are off. Judging from men I know and get email from, it seems most tend to shoot really high. To answer your question, I’d say no, I don’t narrow my search to more attractive men (giving up all the conversation about what it means, how we judge, etc.).

I don’t think I’ve ever stopped myself from contacting a man because I thought he was too attractive for me. I consider myself attractive, but most men my age are simply no longer in the “hot” category, and that’s okay with me. I tend to be attracted more to interesting looking men than to guys with classic good looks. I don’t need a Ken doll. And, as others have said here, if a man has a great personality, he becomes more attractive to me the more I get to know him. Chemistry is a tricky thing, but I much prefer an average-looking guy who is interesting, kind, and funny to a good looking guy who’s either boring, shallow, arrogant, or self-centered.

I have no problem considering a man who is “hotter” than me, but usually when I read his profile after being lured in with his pic, I find there’s no there there, if you know what I mean, just vapid nonsense. I think so many of these men have been able to ride on their looks that they see no reason to post any kind of substantive profile. If it keeps working for them, I guess they see no reason to change it, especially the ones who are not interested in long-term relationships and just want casual physical connections. I don’t read women’s profiles very often, but I suspect the same practice goes on with the 10’s in that gender.

BTW, I used to never contact a man whom I thought was hotter than me, even if I did manage to find a great profile attached. This summer, however, I took a few chances and wound up dating men whom I thought were 9’s and 10’s (and judging from their website stats, so did other women). When you polled your readers about their own looks, Evan, I think I put myself down as a hard-won 7, and still think often of myself as a 7 or 8. But those handsome guys I dated recently? All of them told me unsolicited that I was “hot,” “gorgeous,” “a 10 in my book,” etc.

I think many women tend to underestimate their attractiveness, for one thing. For another, I think I have relied too much on the opinions of other women to derive my sense of good looks. (Do we sabotage each other out of unconscious competition, or do we just have different standards than men?) The last man I dated told me he couldn’t believe I didn’t think I was a knockout, that I absolutely oozed sex appeal. I’ve heard that from other men–perhaps it’s just something only the opposite sex can see in me? I’ve always believed that being comfortable in one’s own skin adds to one’s sexiness–now I believe it more than ever. And of course, beauty is still eternally in the eye of the beholder…

I don’t try to date men that are prettier than I am. I am looking for someone who is living an interesting and adventuresome life. I have dated hotties and they do get tired of the attention they get because of their looks because it is superficial and not about who they are as people.

But–it is fun to see a man enjoy the little ego boost he gets when the heads of other men turn because he is with me. Men like that a lot and it’s fun at the time and also doesn’t mean much in the bigger picture.

I’d contact a guy if I liked his profile regardless of whether he is hotter than me or not. But if he were really hot… bonus! I’ve met just as many shallow guys who were average looking so I’m not as certain that good looks indicate a lack of character.

So I think its probably a 50-50 for me. Though, if I’m going to be completely honest, while I’m good at judging character… I may not be as good of a judge on whether other people (or he) would consider himself more attractive than me. Take for instance the last two guys I dated seriously… they were both really good looking but were they hotter than me? I honestly don’t know… I know we were mutually attracted to each other. I know they were good people…

Wow, all the hot and sexy women on this website make me feel like such a loser. And, unfortunately, there is nothing I can do to go from a 5 to a 10 — damn those inferior genes! Perhaps on-line dating really is only for younger, beautiful people.

In terms of “looks” my height alone (5’5-5’6) makes me “unattractive” to most females that I find attractive – no matter how great a personality I have (or think I have). MOST women are just not willing to compromise on that issue. So, I feel that it’s only right that I NOT concentrate on “looks” so much as to personality. Which ultimately, matters more to me in the long run anyway.

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