The NFL primetime games this week aren’t particularly great, at least on paper. In fact, they’re pretty bad. But that’s never stopped us from tuning before. And who knows? The games might even be entertaining, in their own sloppy, derpy way. Best case scenario: through in odd combination of events, the Vikings blow yet another huge lead in the second half while Cutler’s linemen allow him to be dismembered by Jared Allen. Other than that, there’s not much for those who don’t have Matt Forte or Purple Jesus in fantasy.

With that in mind, let’s focus on the more amusing moments from today’s action, shall we?

Meanwhile in DC Raljon, MD, the Sex Cannon was benched for throwgasming four times to the other team.

John Beck took over from there, and played about as well as you’d expect John Beck to play. He did, however, go a long way to making sure that the security at team headquarters finally recognizes him. Because he had a name tag on during the post-game press conference.

Obviously, the “skirmish” between Jim Harbaugh and Jim Schwartz will be fodder for all the talking head football etiquette experts to wring their hands, knit their brows and evacuate their bowels over. Not me. I love coach fights. Coach fights should serve as a playoff tiebreaker. Maybe not the first one, but at least in the top three. It should go: head-to-head, record vs. conference then coach fight. If the fight results in a Street Fighter-esque simultaneous double KO, keep going down the list.

Just included this to point out that Jim Harbaugh has sideline gigolos.

Troy Polamalu suffered approximately the 900th concussion of his playing career today when his helmet collided with what Gruden would call one of Maurice Jones-Drew’s “thick lowers”. It certainly didn’t help that Ryan Clark felt it necessary to headbutt Troy after the play. James Harrison is sure to be upset when he isn’t the first Steelers player fined for causing a head injury in a teammate.

Cam Newton paid an homage to Deion Sanders after running in a TD against the Falcons. Because swag monster respect swag monster.

Looking at that footage of Sweetness really makes it look like he thrived during the days before tackling was invented. It’s a shame that the only film they care to show is the stuff where his awesomeness is overshadowed by the opponent’s shittiness.

Well El Cannon dodged one bullet already in his bid to be this week’s LEAST with Romo having been way too semi-competent to earn those honors. He can’t breathe easy just yet though since McNabb has yet to play.

I’m trying to figure out how to take that Andy Reid gif and make it into a Christmas present for my Eagles fan friends. They hate The Walrus so very, very much you’d think he was Michael Irvin and Santa Claus rolled into one.

I realize it’s your job to hype up a shitty game. Really, I sympathize. But don’t try to tell me that NO-IND is going to be an epic matchup. Did you see the previous three IND primetime games? I do everything I can to avoid those.

Oh good, Jason Campbell confirmed out for the year. I was waiting to see when the rug would be pulled out on a promising Raiders season. Sadly, Jason Campbell qualifies as a major injury, so maybe this wasn’t a Super Bowl year, but…Kyle Boller? Goddam.

Normally I would say a team down by only would have a good chance at coming back but it’s looking like the chances of the Vikes getting a touchdown in this game are the same as Haiti putting a man on the moon in this century or the next.

Brutus: I’m sure Pryor will deserve a shot, but he was just reinstated in the last seven days. He hasn’t even practiced. It would have been interesting to see what would have happened had Boller turned an ankle…maybe they would have had Lechler step in some more.

I have a feeling Adrian Peterson is gonna be the next Barry Sanders: great running back stuck on a shitty team. At least Purple Jesus got close to tasting the SB one year…then fumbled it multiple times

Hey Ginger Hammer, when you’re done going over the weekly list of possible fines, can you work on a 15-week flex schedule for next year? (Doing it in the first two weeks is probably out of the question, of course.)

@EM:
I don’t have any problem considering OLmen for the HoF: I’ll be the first to be rooting for Ogden, Brown, and their various compatriots. I just can’t recall of Hutchinson has put himself in the same league as those types.

I’ve never been in a shooting conflict in a war, because I was in the Air Force, and certainly not qualified to fly a multimillion dollar piece of equipment. However, I can safely say, at no point was Jay-Z pumping in my ears while I was there.

As someone who is about to sign a contract to fly multimillion-dollar pieces of equipment (thanks for paying your taxes!), I’ll say that I’ve listened to Jay-Z, once, in brooklyn, at least I think it was him.