It turns out that, along with being ugly and generally disagreeable, Kaz is quite lazy, and has enlisted me to write up his latest thing this weak week. Being a friendly and helpful sort, I asked for a lucrative long-term contract, but apparently you have to be in a blogospherical writer’s guild or something? I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I’m not being paid, so you’ll just have to deal. On with the show!

I’m sorry I haven’t updated for damn near 2 months. Yeah, I’ve been in a coma or something. Why am I finally back? It was a little piece of fan mail that made me realize I could no longer deprive you of Weak Things. It went a little something like this:

From: BigKaz
Subject: Dinner

David,

Your mother asked me tor remind you to bring back her Tupperware when you come to dinner this Sunday. Also, I wouldn’t mind seeing my circular saw, glue gun, basin wrench, dado bits, air compressor, mini sledge, miter box, sawzall, ratchet ties, plunge router or angle grinder again before I die. You can’t still need all that stuff for your silly website, can you?

Yes “BigKaz,” you’ll be happy to know that I “Still need all that stuff.” This silly website gets over 4 hits a day! Not Including me! Besides, I’m sure you have a good couple of years left in you, whomever you may be.

Anyway, on to the stuff. 2 whole things this week, although maybe “whole” is a bit grandiose. I think it’s fairly clear that I haven’t taken this much time between postings to concentrate on quality.

I suppose I never really took the life-lesson of “not spending money on idiotic things” to heart. How else to explain my purchase of yet another domain name? I suppose I could say I was just doing my part to block a potentially very creepy porn site from gaining a toehold on the internet, but that’s just silly. No, actually it’s the future platform for a daring new performance art piece where I dig a hole in your yard, fill it with pork, then charge you $20,000 after my friend Alice breaks your soul with impressive art terminology. Yes, in fact we can perform at birthday parties.

Thing #2A fake book for landfill embeleshment applications

cut out some cardboard

coat one side of the cardboard with spray glue

cover the glue side of the cardboard with cheap cloth

assemble some styrofoam into the shape of a books guts

spraypaint a strip of paper as wide as the styrofoam and as long as 3 sides (you can skip this step if you can cut styrofoam accurately

glue the strip to the foam, then glue the foam in the book

Close it all up with lots more glue

Smirk with pride, knowing you’ve just spit into the face of the ancient and venerable art of bookbinding.

This week I made my very own WordPress Theme, scribble, which you see before you. Feel free to download it, but I wouldn’t recommend it until I finish working out the kinks. It isn’t even validating yet.

Also, I caught up on the past 5 weeks of posting these. I’ve not been idle, just haven’t been posting.