Menu

My dating world is too small yet again

So, in May of 2003, I learned from a mutual friend that Lawyer Boy had a live-in girlfriend (Darby), and ended my relationship with him. I missed Lawyer Boy, but a significant other was a deal-breaker for me after I had worked so hard to leave my tumultuous affair with Married Matt.

Six weeks later, I reconnected with my ex-boyfriend, Basketball Boy. We were dating again, but it didn't feel as though we were as close as we had been before.

Basketball Boy's company had transferred him to Pennsylvania that November. He promised that he would be back down in DC on a regular basis, and he was. I saw him one or two nights a month, which was enough to keep me coming back for more. But, the timing of his move with our unsettled dating mode took our relationship to a new — and not necessarily good — level.

Basketball Boy and I talked on the phone and texted less. Once in a while, we would get in a sexting marathon, but those sessions weren't the norm. And, when he was coming down to DC, he had this knack for not giving me a heads up or making plans in advance. The result? My phone would ring at 1 in the morning (or 2…or 3), and Basketball Boy would be downstairs in the lobby of my building or asking me to meet him at a friend's house. I could have told him, "no," but I didn't. The sex was great, and I always loved spending time with him. I was like puddy in his hands.

Nonetheless, I knew that things had changed and our connection was different. Basketball Boy and I would go out on dates, but those dates were never lengthy affairs (breakfast, movie, quick dinner, etc.). And, some of his visits just consisted of a few hours of sex, a few hours of sleep and me driving him wherever he needed to go in the morning.

It was clear that work came first, coaching baseball and his best friends came in at second, and I was a distant third. What's that old saying? If it looks like a duck and it walks like a duck, then it is a duck? Well, our "dates" seemed liked booty calls and felt like booty calls so they must have been booty calls, right?

"This is starting to feel like I'm a booty call," I told Basketball Boy. "When you're coming to town next, would you mind letting me know as you are driving down? "

"You aren't a booty call. We've known each other forever. I always make time for you, but I can't stop working on the ride down to call you," he said.

"Well, then text me…or something. I love seeing you, but the 2am calls after you've been out drinking with your friends are getting old," I explained.

That pattern didn't change much, but by August of 2004, I had…a little. I wasn't sure if I was ready to date someone else, yet I knew that I wanted a more defined relationship. At that time, the dating website, eHarmony, was taking off and I fell prey to the company's great television marketing techniques. I set up a profile and began e-mail exchanges with a few guys.

I didn't feel pressured to find anyone or go out on dates so I waited until I found a guy with whom I thought I could connect. Calvin was black, Christian, athletic, optimistic and doing well in the tech field. After two weeks of e-mails, we decided to meet for drinks on the Georgetown Waterfront.

The weather was perfect, and the Waterfront is one of my favorite spots in DC. Calvin made me smile and laugh. Conversation was easy with him, and not surprisingly, we knew some of the same people in town. (I had met Calvin's business partner several years prior at The Palm, and he ended up designing the website for my first law firm.) After an hour or so of an enjoyable first date, I excused myself to the bathroom.

As I was walking inside, I wondered if I was ready to move on and date someone else. I also was trying to decide if height was a deal breaker for me. See, Calvin was 5'8", and I'm 5'9 1/2". I know that's not much, and I have dated shorter guys before, but it's not my preference.

I headed back outside from the 'loo and realized that I didn't have to figure that all out right then and there. This was just drinks and calamari. I wasn't marrying the guy, and he hadn't even moved in to hold my hand yet. Why over-think things?

I walked up the four steps from the patio to the bar level. Calvin saw me from the other end of the bar, and we smiled at each other. Then, I turned and found myself face-to-face with…