Everyone have their Philadelphia-patented projectiles ready? Good. Let’s go. Let me just establish right off the bat, I did this. I’m the one who asked for derp. And the derp Gods did not disappoint in the slightest. In fact, the only competent thing about last night’s game was the premier of the newest Star Wars: The Force Awakens trailer, (which you can watch after the jump if you missed it, I’ve already watching it like 98 times… in the past hour). To make an apt Grudenism: “THIS GAME, I CALL IT “EPISODE I”, BECAUSE WE’RE HERE FOR STAR WARS, BUT WE’RE SEEING A SH*T-SHOW INSTEAD.” Honestly, if you watched this game, you wonder if Tom Coughlin might be the one to retire before either Manning. And I include Eli, because it might have been a possibility during half time. There were three fumbles, three interceptions, penalties galore, an injured middle-linebacker… and that was just the Eagles! So here’s a very technical football question for everyone: how did they win? Remember, we’re talking about the hurry up three-and-out offense that the Raiders perfected, and that Chip Kelly added his own uniqueness to this season, that was in full force last night… It’s almost as if the teams were playing each other knowing that the winner would win an all expense paid trip to Somalia. So here we are. The Giants beat Washington. Washington beat the Eagles. And the Eagles have now beaten the Giants. The circle of… derp? Yeah, I think so.

Note: I’d like to congratulate the winner of the FanDuel Razzball Contest that ended last night. “ksmily06” was the winner of our 55-player league, and comes away with $60.00 and a free buy-in the upcoming week’s million dollar contest (a $25.00 value)! All top-12 finishers ended up part of the prize pool, and don’t worry, if you missed out on this contest, you can join in the next contest starting this Thursday!

Odell Beckham Jr.– 7 REC, 61 YDS, 1 TD. Well that’s something, I guess. Probably the only bright spot for the Giants last night… I mean, I’ve never been so discouraged after a 20-point loss. Which makes me wonder how Giants’ fans feel.

Sam Bradford – 24/38, 280 YDS, 1 TD, 3 INT and 4 CAR, 2 YDS. “Oh yeah Eli? Whatever you do I can do better!” – Sam Bradford. And by the way, I noticed a couple “cramps” occur with some Giants defensive players and boos coming from the crowd. Memo to dumb Eagles’ fans: Nobody needs to employ any shady tactics to slow the Eagles offense down. Bradford does that well enough.

Riley Cooper – 3 REC, 76 YDS, 1 TD. Riley Cooper might not like the new Star Wars movie. Usually, when someone takes off a white hat while wearing a white outfit, they don’t look like this. Regardless, he had a pretty productive night considering that he’s been non-existent for nearly a year. He did come down hard on a catch in the third quarter, but Cooper was able to walk off the field under his own white power.

Eli Manning – 23/37, 200 YDS, 1 TD, 2 INT and 1 CAR, 12 YDS. THIS ELI MANNING, I CALL HIM “COCA COLA”, BECAUSE I ENJOY THE CLASSIC BETTER THAN NEW. You know, just looking at him, I assume that Eli has to wear a helmet all the time. Like in the locker room, they probably make him wear his “outdoors” helmet along with that demeaning child-leash attached to a parental unit, just to make sure he doesn’t get his head stuck in storm drains or pickle jars. So when you think of it that way, you begin to understand why he played so poorly last night. I mean, that game was way past his bedtime.

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I know no one cares about my fantasy team, but I need to gloat this somewhere, so it might as well be among a bunch of other fantasy players.

I tend to stream DEF until I stumble across a good week-in, week-out option. This week the two highest ranked (per the lovely Razzball rankings, of course) DEFs available were WAS and PHIL. WAS was ranked one spot higher, but I was like, “Hell no.” So I went with PHIL and didn’t feel too good about it. Doubly so when I went into Monday night needing 22 points to win, which is never something I count on from any defense, let alone a DERP-tastic NFC East.

I had en epiphany watching this game, as awful as it was: why don’t we reverse engineer fantasy football into a roto-style format? Let’s not quibble about who gets rushing yards and go SAGNOF on its ass once & for all for 17 weeks? Let’s further reward IDP’s by having total sacks on the season etc instead of a weekly wing & a prayer (or no wing at all if you’re JPP) and thus, eliminate team defense/ST once & for all. Pass yds, total TD’s, rush yards, receiving yds, receptions, turnovers committed for offense; turnovers gained, sacks, passes defensed, td’s, blocked kicks, and safeties for IDP categories.

I think that’d be an awesome leap forward instead of having to agonize as we sift through the West/Davis RB backups and Mohamed Sanu’s of the world for desperation waiver wire grabs each week, ending up with guys like Josh McCown leading teams into the fantasy playoffs by season’s end (shudders). Who cares what role David or Duke Johnson have on their respective teams as long as they fill multiple stat lines, right? Reward the season-long grind somehow? Push fantasy football forward just like some may say DFS has in the days of 3 headed RB’s, mediocre QB’s, and WR4’s having value.

@Clint: Honestly, I really like this idea and might create a league like this next season for the readers. I think a lot of people relish the H2H aspect of fantasy football, which is what keeps it at bay.

@Jay:
I like it too so maybe I’m just searching for ways to take luck out of the football equation. Isn’t there an in-between type that they do in fantasy baseball where you go head to head but it’s category based? I play in a points-based league but I’ve been told that other model also exists and is fun too if it could be applied to football somehow.

2. to get rid of scheduling luck, just set it up for each team to play each other team each week, so 11 games per week, if you are the 2nd best team you go 10-1 as you deserve, and have no chance to go 0-1. Meanwhile worst team goes 0-11 just like deserve, and 2nd worst team 1-10, none of that 2nd worst team getting a lucky win. This would be the H2H version of ruling out luck. Playoffs same thing, only less teams left to play against. Can’t believe sites don’t have this 2nd one, as it’s TRUE H2H values.

as a dez owner i really hope he sits it out til he’s 100% healthy. it seems alshon may have done that and hopefully that turns out well too..

question. If you have a $1 christine michael (picked off the waiver wire) do you look to sell high in a keeper league based on the info out of Dallas or do you sit and hold yourself, hoping you hit the lotto?

i’m probably going to shoot for the sky as far as a trade proposal goes, something like c-mike for lesean mccoy ($48) to a team who’s 1-5 and very far off the playoff race..

if trading for a rb what level of guys do you think i could get? im targeting teams that are nearly playoff eliminated.

@sitdezplease: Yeah, I’d sell. I’ve never thought much of him, and I think his value could be the highest while his snap count remains a mystery. I think that McCoy trade… you might need throw another keeper in.

Jay you are awesome. So far this year I am sitting in third place with 7 wins,(2 games a week.) I took over for this team in the off season and it only had 9 wins all last year.That wouldn’t be possible without razzball,and the guys like you.

I am looking to pick up a WR. How do you you rank Diggs,Malcom Floyd, Shorts and Albert Wilson in KC assuming Maclin can’t play.

Thanks for advice on defense earlier, with $32/100 left, thinking a bid of $3 might get me STL (no defense has gone for more than a few dollars, although someone did bid $11 on Balty early in season)..with that said, a dominant defense has not been on waivers since I dropped STL 2 weeks ago before a bad matchup & the bye…do you think STL worth more FAAB $ or is Carolina/ATL not a big drop off for ROS &/or streaming since it’s only a 10-teamer…

@Nick: I don’t think their a huge drop off, but I still like STL there. And I’d probably lean Garcon and Randle at the moment, but double check my rankings on Thursday. I’m still not down re-watching all the games separately.

@Jay: thanks for the quick replies on this fine Tuesday morning…one last question…I don’t know what to do with Randle…do I handcuff with C Michael in 10 team? Problem is I don’t really have a player to drop…but if Michael has a good week, I’ll stand no shot in getting him with little FAAB $…the drop would have to be between Tate & Duke J probably…my TE situation hurts my bench spots to with Gates & M Bennett (both not droppable but not performing week to week)

@ashtray: If it’s a keeper league, Allen and Hilton and Lacy are ones, Watkins is a two, Gore and Gates are somewhere around five, and you should probably just give Starks with Lacy as part of a deal. Wait on Wright and West, they may gain some value soon.

all leagues PPR unless noted.
1. 20 teamer where i dropped colston and wheaton recently, both added quickly by others.
now have hopkins/m.wilson/aiken/norwood and 1 open roster spot.
A. this about right order for adding the first one?
A.Wilson/Funchess/L.Murphy/Walters (JAX)/S.Roberts/Owusu/Gabriel/Cotchery?
B. add a 2nd of those over Norwood?

2. 12 teamer where i’m 6-0 with barely 3rd in pts, 8-10 behind 2 better teams. Just imagine if i had Freeman on this one, yikes. Start only 2 WR, 1 flex. 2 RB.
Luck/Bortles (still holding Bortles with only Cutler/Hoyer as options i wouldn’t throw up having to actually use, and Stafford’s one decent game doesn’t make him count. If Luck can actually look good for 2 (whole) consecutive games i maybe could drop). I’ve had years where not having a decent backup when an injury occured or lingered to Rodgers turned me from a top 3 team to out in first round.
Forte/Vereen/Duke Johnson/Ellington/Sproles/Bradshaw
Landry/Edelman/Wallace/Ginn
DEN kicker
DEN def

As it’s NO small part of me being this good of a team is having both DEN DEF and kicker i’m certainly not dropping the DEF, but looking at other kicker options i don’t really want to drop DEN kicker either. Bradshaw i was gonna drop for one of Diggs/Shorts/C.Thompson/T.Williams
one of the Floyds (depending on Allen’s injury on the SD one) etc. I’m a 10 pt dog even without kicker or DEF by Yahoo projections. So clearly i drop Bradshaw for a DEF,

2A. but should i go with one of those players or drop Ginn too for a kicker for this week only? Ginn no longer getting much returns and less targets lately too. For reference in this league (bonuses at 40 and 50 yarders) DEN kicker averages 12 pts for whole season per game, and the DEF does 25, which is more than 7 pts per game more than SEA in 2nd place. So my D gets 7 more per week than 2nd place, and my kicker is only 1 pt per week behind first place Gostkowski. I also could grab M.Jones now and go without a kicker this week.
2.B drop any RB (not named Bradshaw) for C.Thompson anyway?

in a standard, we start 3 RB, with 2 flexes that can be TE. i have 6 WR, 2 TE, and all 6 of
mccoy/hyde/ingram/knile/sankey/andrews. drop sankey/andrews or both for how many and what order of
michael/m.jones/dixon/j.allen/oliver?

i know there is some bias involved here, but what would u ask for in exchange for Rivers? He performed admirably in Luck’s absence for me but now is the time to capitalize. I’ve been offered Jarvis Landry straight up but i already have john brown amari cooper and allen robinson, although i dont think i can get more than a flex level RB for him.

@Ron D.: Total bias alert. Honestly, he’s been a top-5 QB this season, and if you want to sell, I would be looking for something like a Chris Ivory straight up. Maybe even a Lacy on a buy-low. Or a T.Y. Hilton.

Needing to pick up both a QB and DEF this week…who should I look to use my #4 waiver on this week?

Would you shoot for a QB like Bortles first or go for other FAs that are available like:
Starks, Diggs, LaFell or a DEF like Carolina, Miami, or Pittsburgh? Being a 10 teamer I feel like maybe I shouldn’t reach for Bortles with my waiver and pick up another QB like Tannelhill, Stafford, or Jones (if he plays)

To make the adds I should loose Rawls and Antonio Gates right? I tried to deal Gates, no dice!

@ryanoger: yikes, just realized you only have 2 starting RB, with michael being a possible one. that’s dangerous situation. You have 6 WR, needing at most 3 per week. 7 with Jordy, who you are clearly keeping. Try to trade 2 of them (esp with one of the traded away guys being one of the older set of smith/jones) to a guy with same issue as you have at RB but with WR’s. If not you might have to drop Hurns. By the way, do that trade idea even if it doesn’t get done now, you need more RB depth and less WR depth. Probably just a 1 for 1 would be fine, one of your WR for a RB with similar value and age. Matthews/Evans/Landry all good, but along with jordy for next year, smith probably retiring, you’d still have 5 even if you dropped Hurns, while still only having at most 3 RB that start (2 if Michael doesn’t stick).

@Jay: he says he has no action on gates trading, at least yet. it’s not bad to have backup TE if you can use him esp, these guys get hurt a lot. Gio is fine to trade for, get Jaywrong’s idea on which WR to use for that.

@Jay: it’s why i asked, i’m guessing in many instances that list is outdated (not all of course), sucks that these things get outdated pretty fast with demotions/injuries etc. Diggs/Michael i bet have jacked up the rankings.