Shamelessly trying to cash in on a serious illness

Diagnosis and Breaking the News

Hello! I apologise for my lack of posting as of recent (I realise, as I am writing this, just how big-headed that sounds; “I apologise to you all for depriving you of my ramblings for a couple of weeks. Jaysus, you must all be devastated”) I’ve been a tad knackered from the chemo and I’ve been trying to finish off a few assignments for college here and there but I will try and keep you posted as often as possible 🙂

Sorry about the rant there the last post…

Bringing things back to waiting times, I had to wait a mere 6 days for my PET scan after my initial diagnosis. This is a long time, in itself, to be waiting on potentially life-changing news. Public healthcare patients have to wait between 47-55 days for the same results! “Get on with it, stop bitching about the healthcare system, Ben!”. Fair enough, I’ll get on with it.

Given the title, I had to choose between a joke about Diagnosis Murder or Huey Lewis and the News. I was going to swap the images around, as Dick van Dyke’s face is covered up by my tagline, but faceless Dick is delightfully terrifying so I’ll leave him up there

Comedy! Nah, just kidding, more cancer shit. So I was diagnosed a week after my second biopsy. I was absolutely bricking it in the office, wondering what form of cancer I probably had. “Hodgkin’s Lymphoma”, I was told. At this point I started welling up. I was so relieved to find out that I had one of the most cureable, not treatable, cureable forms of cancer known to man. Not only that, but that it was Nodular Sclerosing Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, the most preferable sub-type of the most preferable form of cancer that there was. This is when I really started to find my strength. I was over the fucking moon!

I talked to a Haemotologist and we went through a potential plan of treatment together. I was to have a PET CT scan done to confirm my stage (2B, confirmed fuck yeah!), then they would freeze a load of my cum (nothing to do with fertility, Callippo were just stuck for a new flavour), and then chemo would be in a week. This meant that I had even more time to get in a few last-pints-before-treatment, play pool and talk shite. I felt so good that I was able to attend the Trinity Ball the next night (a story for another post, my stomach still churns at the very thought of it).

Telling my Friends/Family

I told my brothers, sister and close friends about the news and they all took it fantastically because I was in a genuinely positive mood when I told them. I then decided, fuck it, I’ll tell everyone, I’ll even write a blog about it! I then posted this status on my Facebook wall;

15 April ·

Today I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, one of the most eminently curable forms of cancer known to man. I feel that it makes sense to say this over Facebook for two reasons;

It’s much easier than killing every conversation I enter into when people ask me how are things and what am I up to by answering “CANCER, CANCER, ALL OF THE CANCER!” and then having to reassure people that it’s one of the best types of cancer to have and that I’m doing OK 2. I’m not a huge fan of really wanky emotional statuses where people just shite on about how they’re feeling but occasionally I gain a bit of insight or learn something from them, so fuck it, hopefully this may be of some use to you.(Nah, not really, just for the sympathy sex)

Honestly, I’ve expected this news for a bit over a week now and I was so relieved to hear that it was a curable form of the disease that I started welling up. At the risk of sounding like I have feelings, I’m so fucking grateful for this news and I feel that it has really made me appreciate life and weirdly enough I feel much happier than I have in a while. Being faced with your own mortality, even in the slightest sense, can really put things into perspective. I’ve been up and down a lot recently and I just wanted to thank everyone who has supported me so far. You’ve been amazing and really made me feel loved and supported, thank you all so much.

The next few months will probably be a shower of cunts; chemo’s not exactly a big sloppy blowjob and I’m probably not going to graduate college til next year but none of that shit really matters in the grand scheme of things, I’m just happy to be alive and fighting right now.

As you can, see, I had my staredown with cancer today, the crustacean bastard! The fight is set for some time over the next few weeks after they freeze a load of my cum and do a few scans. So place a bet on me, the odds are in my favour. Thank you all who have helped so far, and to everyone who will be with me throughout this: LET’S KICK THIS IN THE FUCKING DICK!

Thank you to ██████████████ for lending her photoshop skills.

Yes, this picture is genuinely how I broke the news to people. There’s that old joke along the lines of “My granny believed in the zodiac and she was a cancer. It’s quite ironic how she died really…. because she was killed by a giant crab.”

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The love and support I received was phenomenal and surprised even me. Then I decided, fuck it, I’ll write a blog about it to blow off some steam and keep me occupied. Again, the reaction I received was astounding. I never realised how much love and support was there for me when I really needed it. I never thought of myself as a particularly likeable person, but it was nice to know that doing my best not to be a cunt actually meant something to people.

I was then thrilled to learn that my very first post had been picked up by the largest-selling newspaper in the country and my story was going viral. Again, the reaction was bewildering to me. “Do people really want to read this?” I thought. Apparently so..

A few final words

Thank you all for reading so far, y’all are awesome. Like I said at the beginning of this post, I do acknowledge that I haven’t been posting much as of recent and I will try and make the effort to write a bit more often in between trying to catch up on college work and resting up from chemo. I feel this weeks post was a bit boring and lacking in terms of comedy but seriously, my next post will have harrowingly vivid descriptions and pictures of a legit IVF wanking room, that shit practically writes itself!

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2 thoughts on “Diagnosis and Breaking the News”

Delighted to see your blog.my nephew of 21 was diagnosed with stage 2 in January. His doing well.Its a long journey and sometimes very emotional. He is still trying to study during his treatment. He is an only child and we are all routing for him. Good luck to you and keep up the good spirit. X