How to tell friend struggling with infertility that you're pregnant?

So I have an old friend, we've drifted apart in the last few years, but she's been a friend since like age 2, and she's been struggling to get pregnant for 2 years or so at least. I know it's been just awful for her, and I feel so bad for her and her husband. So I have waited to tell her thinking she definitely didn't need to know early in case things went wrong in the first trimester, but now we're 20 weeks... probably time to break the news.

Anyone have any good way to break the news with sensitivity and kindness? I would hate to make her feel worse, I just don't know what to say or not to say, I feel like there is no good option...

Comments (23)

I struggled with infertility. Then a co-worker got pregnant and it was very unplanned. It didn't bother me that she was pregnant because I knew my time would come. What hurt the worst is she would come in complaining about how much she hated being pregnant, and how I should be thankful it's not me. Yes I hate being pregnant too but I would never say that to someone with fertility problems.

I don't think there's any way to break it more gently than another way. As long as you don't complain about it or bring it up too much it should be fine. I think your friend will probably have a lot of questions for you and answering them is the best way of being supportive of her feelings.

I struggled with infertility. Then a co-worker got pregnant and it was very unplanned. It didn't bother me that she was pregnant because I knew my time would come. What hurt the worst is she would come in complaining about how much she hated being pregnant, and how I should be thankful it's not me. Yes I hate being pregnant too but I would never say that to someone with fertility problems.

I don't think there's any way to break it more gently than another way. As long as you don't complain about it or bring it up too much it should be fine. I think your friend will probably have a lot of questions for you and answering them is the best way of being supportive of her feelings.

I've struggled with infertility for 1/1/2 years. I had two ectopic pregnancies within 3 months. I was devastated. It has been over a year since the last ectopic and the last time my husband and I tried. We are not on the same page with this whole thing. I want to try again and he keeps saying "not right now." In the meantime, sooooo many of my friends and family members keep popping them out left and right. I agree with Jamiedoll1983 and irenebunky. Tell your friends about your news. They will be happy for you. Understand that their personal struggle is their own and they do want what's best for you.

I went to a gazillion baby showers over the past year, which was hard, but I had to do it. Trust me, it hurts more when people don't tell you because they are afraid that you will be upset. True friends will tell you and true friends will be happy for you.