How to Discover Your Deepest, Darkest “Core Wound”

In life, we all have the tendency to believe that we are unworthy on some deep, undefinable level.

Whether we believe that we are unworthy of happiness, pleasure, love or fulfillment, we all have a “core wound” deep inside that varies according to our circumstances and experiences. This deep, fundamental wound is the result of the foundational beliefs that we were taught since birth, contributing to the faulty self-image that we continue to carry around with us to this very day.

Our core wounds are our deepest-seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:

1. “I am flawed and therefore a bad person.”

2. “I must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.”

The Original Sin

Christian teachings make reference to our “core wound” all the time in the form of “original sin.” However, once we put aside the dogmatic associations connected with this notion, we see that “original sin” reveals something profound about our deep-rooted core wounds; how issues such as generational guilt, self-rejection, imbalanced self-esteem, and self-hatred has passed on from generation to generation.

Often, our core wounds start in childhood. When we are little we are free. We experience unconditional love and acceptance for all of our needs, and we are granted full expression of ourselves. We don’t experience any inner fragmentation or limitations at all. However, at some point during our childhood we began to experience constraints. As we “ate from the Tree of Knowledge” we slowly came up against invalidation from our parents, elders, and peers. We began to experience disapproval and punishment for being our authentic selves. And so, our core wounds began to deepen.

As our core wounds began to deepen throughout our childhoods, pubescent years, and subsequent adult years, we began to put up barriers of protection to keep other people from hurting us. Although in many cases this protected us, in the end it served to trap us inside, limiting our ability to experience true freedom and authenticity in our day-to-day lives and in every one of our relationships.

Our core wounds are the cause of most of the fatigue we experience in daily life, preventing us from accessing the huge stores of untapped energy, and potential within us. They are also what makes solitude so refreshing as they give us a momentary respite from the lies we tell ourselves and others to protect our deep, unhealed gashes.

Getting to Know Your Core Wound

Everyone experiences their “core wound” differently. Depending on your Soul Age, level of emotional sensitivity, and the level of rejection you faced while growing up, your core wound could be an irritating scab or a festering laceration.

You behave in dishonest/inauthentic ways that are not true to the person you really are. You behave in this way to gain the acceptance of others.

You feel numb inside. You feel a sense of meaninglessness and disconnection from the world around you. This is the ultimate defense mechanism: feeling nothing.

You are your own worst critic (i.e. you constantly remind yourself how much of a “loser” or a “failure” you are).

You always feel like an outcast, and you can never quite fit in with anyone. Instead of appreciating your uniqueness and seeing it as an opportunity, you see it as a curse.

The larger your core wound is, the more you experience Soul Loss. Often, this is passed onto the people around you (like a virus) — especially children, who are the most susceptible and vulnerable.

Healing Your Core Wound

The most suffering we experience from our core wounds revolves around the false self-images we present to the world. On one hand, we go through life pretending to be very important, and on the other, we believe that we are unworthy, ugly, dirty, unlovable, and stupid deep down.

The entire basis of the process of soulwork is to discover all of these little bits and pieces within ourselves that are broken and to first become aware of them.

We need to examine our wounds carefully, wash them using psychological and spiritual tools, and keep them clean until they heal. A good place to begin this process is by admitting that we are lying to ourselves. We need to stop avoiding the truth about our lives, and develop the courage to face our flaws and erroneous perceptions.

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The truth is that existence has no concept of good or bad, only of creating balance. Judgment only occurs on a personal level. The first step to opening these wounds of yours is to stop lying to yourself, to stop avoiding the truth, and to become aware of all of your flaws and erroneous perceptions. To live a life feeling unworthy is to live as a victim of your circumstances — circumstances that you had no control over, and are not to blame for.

A greater Master once said, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Only once you truthfully become aware of your core wound, of how you inherited your “original sin” and the idea that you’re imperfect, will you be able to find closure. Only by forgiving what keeps you from experiencing wholeness deep down can you become free.

What is your core wound? How has it shaped you? What limitations has it created in your life? And most importantly, what valuable lesson has trying to heal your core wound taught you?

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About Mateo Sol

Mateo Sol is a prominent psychospiritual counselor and mentor whose work has influenced the lives of thousands of people worldwide. Born into a family with a history of drug addiction, schizophrenia, and mental illness, Mateo Sol was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. As a spiritual counselor and mentor, Sol’s mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in any stage of life. [Read More]

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My core wound is learned helplessness. It was forced upon me at an early age that my thoughts, feelings, privacy/sacred place, and joy was wrong and would invariably be usurped. It’s no surprise that I’ve spiritually lined up with rape and many stalkers. I was taught that not only am I not capable of having the wisdom to make my own choices, it’s wrong to do so, and I should give my power away to others as their opinions, needs, and desires are more important.

Hola,
I am curious if you have any thoughts on, the after-math of working through the self identified core wound. It is a trip to wake up, after so many years of working on, letting go and healing the core and ancestorial wound, and not really know who you are any longer. It is like the lens that you experienced life has been switched out, and you are left with a new, clear perspective, but without the social and conditional constructs that shape our lives. It is like you can not tell what is up or down. It is the moment that you feel the death of you and the birth.

I daydreaming a lot and I basically live inside my head. My ability to pay attention on the present moment is so selective and weak that I miss the 90% of what is happening. Is this lack of attention on immediate present occurrences that has always made my life so difficult when it’s about to be validated by others, especially my father, or commit practical mistakes continuously. “One day you are going to forget your head!” “Sorry, but If you want this job, you need to work quicker and pay more attention”. On the other hand I pay “too much attention” on things considered useless by most people like which temperament and intention are the ones I’m listening to using and why. I mainly pay attention to behaviours and emotions I perceive and from here I start investigating and comparing behavioral and emotional patterns. I also pay attention on things that can serve directly or indirectly the reasons behind people’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours, but It takes me many repetitions and a lot of time when it comes technical and practical aspects. The think that I’m unuseful because since I have memory I can’t focus well and long enough on what needs to get done first. My parents divorced when I was 2 to and feel identified with all the kinds of negligence that you wrote about. My father has never accepted who I am, because I’m not objective, practical and present oriented enough. He has always been distanced from me psychologically and especially emotionally. As a child I felt he didn’t allowed me to fail and I still do. I was punished for weeks If I forgot any needed item somewhere because of my attention issues. I was always punished. At school I had no real friends, but people who tried to get away from me and others who just used me as a clown and servant. My mother was so hurt and depressed that she needed attention from me, but it wasn’t reciprocal. I wasn’t important enough for her to be paid attention to, I was just a pillow which she could use to express her anger against almost everyone, me included. Now, my parents don’t hate me as much as they did, but I still feel I’m not worthy of their love nor anyone’s, but mine.

When I was a child, I was very emotionally sensitive. I liked to read, listen to classical music, and liked to listen to conversations rather than participate in them. Other family conditions (abuse) fed into self esteem and weight issues/food addiction. i got picked on by my peers a lot, and cried a lot.
My parent’s way to handle it was to tell me I’m too sensitive, to toughen up, and never let anyone see me cry. I’ve spent many years trying to heal this core wound. Because I doubted my own feelings, i got into an abusive marriage. I told myself I was over reacting any time I got upset, hurt, or angry. After that ended, I started therapy because I was tired of being unhappy and slowly but surely have unpacked the baggage of these wounds. I’ve been able to re-tap into my core emotions, to allow myself to feel and express them. Where I never used to shed a tear, even in the saddest of situations, I now cry at nostalgic commercials, books/movies, and sad memories. It’s been freeing, and has also freed me up to feel my whole range of emotions more keenly. Thank you for the article! It’s helped me to put terminology to my experience so I can share it with others!

Thanks for that article. It was really eye opening. I’ve been struggling for quite a while, with the feeling of weakness, disguised as many things, but showing up all over my life. I finally pinpointed that my trauma was feeling weak compared to others. Even though I trained martial arts, wandered alone in nature and gained survival skills, grew a lot of other practical skills, that feeling of weakness and not being able to work with life’s elements (especially people) remained. I grew up in a bit of a macho environment (seen quite often in the world in schools at the current stage of human evolution actually) defining physical strength as a main survival attribute, but then again, the human kind didn’t leave the caves because of physical strength, but because of its mind. Those of us, more sensitive and/or intellectual often get picked at in school, and get picked last when it comes to the game of partnership because we are unsure and think/feel too much, and it kinda sucks, but then again we must realize our own power and stop seeking power that is simply not our nature. There are good sides to thinking/feeling too much. It’s just that society fails at teaching us how to integrate those in a way that helps us in other aspects of our life. Everyone is strong, just not in everything.

Hi Sol,
Great article, but I still don’t know what my core wound is or how to figure it out!
My childhood was great, there was no abuse or anything like that. Although I did grow up Catholic and can identify some issues I have because of it..but its not like these are still hurting me today.

So how can I figure out what my deepest core wound is? I think it may be along the lines of wanting to be accepted and loved and maybe I didn’t get these things as much as I needed them, but still its not that pressing. What I do know is that I have some perfectionist issues and these could be leading to my disordered eating patterns..but I don’t know the why behind this.
Any advice?

Thanks and much appreciation for you and your partners wonderful website :)

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About Us

Walk the path less traveled

Our names are Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol and we currently live in Perth, Western Australia.

Our mission is to help others embrace the path of the lone wolf and listen to the soul’s calling. Our goal is to provide a grounded and balanced perspective of spirituality that doesn’t bypass the raw, real, and messy aspects of spiritual growth or psychological development.

We are deeply drawn to exploring and exposing both the light and shadow side of human nature and spirituality. We strive towards integration, balance, wholeness, and embracing both the sacred and wild aspects of being human. Read more.