Friday, October 11, 2013

Loving Impossible People

We all have them in our lives: the “impossible” people. They are cranky; nothing is ever right; we are a bad relative or bad boss or bad neighbor whenever we do something that is not quite to their liking; they don’t seem to bond well with colleagues in the work place; they resist new ideas or assignments that they do not like; they may approach us in passive-aggressive ways. I am sure that you have met your share of such people, as have I.

At least in the workplace, I adore them! I seek challenge, and they give me what I seek. Meister Eckhart says that there is a God-seed (a little bit of God) in everyone, and I can see that buried deep down in these “impossible” people. I love watching that seed take root and grow. It makes me feel part of a miracle.

For example, one day at work I noticed that some of my favorite “impossible” people were extra cranky. Food and attention, I have found, usually help in these situations (just as they do with cranky kids – I am convinced that mothering 7 children has immensely helped me to mother my current 307-and-expanding staff). So, I ran out and bought several packages of oreo cookies, dumped them into a big bowl, and began the management-by-walking-about effort to deliver the cookies to each employee personally – not just the cranky ones, but everyone who happened to be in the office and not traveling (60% or more of my staff travels regularly). It took all morning, and my paperwork languished, but I enjoyed catching up on all their stories as they munched on their cookies. First, I enjoy stories – the more the better. Second, their stories tell me a lot about them, and especially with the “impossible” variety of employee, I find some insight into how best to manage them. On the oreo morning, we had a very important visitor from our headquarters, who had dropped in to work with one of our teams. Oops! I had forgotten about that, so when I came upon that team, I offered him a cookie, too. At the end of the day, I ran into him as he was leaving and asked him how his day had been. He offered that it had become “much better after the cookie!”

The “impossible” people returned the favor, as they generally do. One of the teams invited me to their ethnic lunch, in this case, some of my favorite Arabic food. These “impossible” people (and a lot of “possible” people) regularly bring me food (I think that they are convinced that I cannot cook, and they are not far from wrong), invite me to their social events (weddings, birthdays, picnics), scold me when I am ill and don’t see a doctor, and jump in without asking to help when I am attempting some physical work that looks to be beyond my capacity. “Why are you so good to me?” I have asked them upon occasion, and the answer is always the same: “Because you love us.”

Once a middle manager who worked for me asked me how I dealt with difficult people, and I told him that he would not like the answer: you have to love them – sincerely, not just pretend to love them (although sometimes initial pretense leads to eventual sincerity). I was right. He did not like the answer. He looked at me sadly and said, “I cannot do that.” In that case, I fear that he will always be surrounded by difficult people.

There have been times when I ignore my own advice, when I get caught off-guard, when I stupidly forget about the God-seed. That happened recently. A very troublesome employee had signed up to see my boss during his open-door hours. He called and asked if I knew what might be the topic. I could guess at a dozen possibilities since she was always complaining about her manager (who worked for me), her assignments, her seemingly slow raises and promotions, concern that management did not understand how far superior she was to everyone else in her division, even the fact that she was expected to come to work on time and put in a full day. I suggested to my boss all the things that came to mind and added several negative comments about the difficulty of supervising her. My boss called after the meeting and told me in a somewhat curious tone, “All she wanted to talk to me about was to tell me how kind you are.” I am glad it was a phone call because I know my face was red with shame.

The most important thing about that event? I lost out on being part of the miracle of seeing the God-seed grow a little more. My boss saw it, but my head had been in the sand that day – and when our heads are down in the sand, all we can see is dirt.

2 comments:

We had three of our own and two others who we took in. A lively household with 6 teenagers was a fun time for us. Yes, food does sooth the savage beast and cookies work very well. Thank you for the comment when you visited my blog.

I am back to blogging -- not that life is any less complex, but hopefully, a few minutes will continue to appear here and there to keep going. I turned off all posts in February because I was unable to respond to any; they will reappear, but I don't know how to keep their original dates, so now they are popping up as new! No promises on any regular, weekly features. I have to do those at work! I have, however, have missed the Internet dialogue. Note: 100th Lamb replaces the Blest Atheist blog, which was hijacked in 2009; the posts were transferred here. Click here for an explanation.

Take a Minute for Prayer

Have a minute? Click on the image: it takes only one minute.

Did You Miss Mass This Week?

When I was unable to attend Mass recently while traveling I was happy to find Mass on line.

Breviary Online

For those who pray the liturgy of hours or the Daily Office (or want a copy of the missal), here is a link to a free copy of the breviary.

About Me

I am the mother of 4 birth children (plus 3 others who lived with us) and grandmother of 2, all of them exceptional children. Married for 42 years, I grew up in Maine, live in California, and work in many places in education, linguistics, and program management. In my spare time, I rescue and tame feral cats and have the scars to prove it. A long-time ignorantly blissful atheist converted by a theophanic experience to Catholicism,
I am now a joyful catechist. Oh, I also authored a dozen books, two under my pen name of Mahlou (Blest Atheist and A Believer-in-Waiting's First Encounters with God).

My Conversion Story

My Other Blogs

This blog provides background information about various members of the extended Mahlou family. It is very much a work still in progress.

H2 HelperThis blog is dedicated to promoting personalized help to the hungry and homeless.

Mahlou MusingsThis site contains excerpts from my various publications. The tiger is a representation of my spirit and my life.

Modern MysticismThis blog discusses the mystical in our pragmatic, practical, realistic, and rational 21st century world and is addressed to those who spend some or much of their time in an irrational/mystical relationship with God. If such things do not strain your credulity, you are welcome to follow the blog and participate in it.

Urgent Prayer Request

Alleluiabelle at Humble As I Go needs prayers for her grandson (and also for her husband, who recently has encountered serious health problems). Details available on her blog.

Prayers Needed

Please pray for the following individuals, as well as anyone else with the same disorders; it is time to find a cure for all these things.

Ashlyn

Ashlyn has two strikes against her: Down's Syndrome and cancer. Prayers needed on both fronts.

Ben

Ben is a child with cancer (neuroblastoma). He is now technically cancer-free but is still underdoing chemo therapy and needs prayers for its effectiveness.

Bennett

A 5-month-old infant with an extra chromosome, Bennett has undergone open heart surgery successfully, and most recently, survived swine flu.

Chrissie

An American child recently adopted from Serbia, Chrissie is fighting for her life after heart surgery that did not go well.

Hope

Hope is a Down's Syndrome child who suffers from a heart defect that has been resistant to surgical repair.

Isaac

Premature Isaac has a very rare chromosal disorder that has required a trach, g-tube, and oxygen dependency.

Jaxson

Jaxson turned four recently! Check out the celebration at his website. He is a Down's Syndrome child with a tracheotomy.

Jonah

Jonah is an infant with junctional EB; he is making slow gains but experiencing many difficulties. Hope on over to his mother's blog to see some smile-provoking swimming pictures.

Kyleigh (and her mom, Amber)A mother and daughter are both battling devastating results from birth defects. I will be posting on them later, with an explanation of ways of how to help them. Amber has recently been discovered to have Chiari I malformation, and Kyleigh is a miraculous toddler, not expected to live, given VACTERLS Association. Amber's website is here and Ky's story is here. They need your help and your prayers.

Lillian

Lillian, who was born with trisomy, was trached, then decanulated (tracheotomy removed) but the stoma reopened; surgery tomorrow (7/8/10) to close the stoma - prayers, please; other concerns are what to do about school -- divine guidance needed for that, too.

Philip

Philip, recently baptized, has no swallowing reflexes; he was on oxygen and a feeding tube in November 2009. He is now getting stronger; see after-surgery post.

Feedjit

Subscribe To

Prayers Answered

Christmas Miracle

Jaden, a sweet 2-year-old with neuroblastoma (terminal cancer), has been on my prayer list, as well as many others, for months. Then, on December 23, his scan showed complete remission: no neuroblastoma cells anywhere!

From Prayer List to Miracle List

Stellan had a heart defect: Supraventricular Tacycardia (STV). He has needed surgeries, and much in his little life has been touch-and-go. Thousands of people have been praying for him, and now Stellan has been healed. He got his miracle. Click on the link to his name to read the family's overwhelmed and grateful reaction. Thanks to all readers of this blog who have been praying for this child of strangers. We are, after all, called to give kindness to strangers.

Leukemia Thwarted!

Dylan was born with leukemia. After six months in the hospital and on many prayer lists, Dylan is going home healthy. There are still babies with leukemia, however, who need your prayers!

Adoption Money AppearedSuccess! Melanie Hollis of Franklin, Tennessee was trying to raise $20K by Thanksgiving in order to adopt a Down's Syndrome child from Eastern Europe that she feels God is calling her to do. The goal was reached! For more information, see Melanie's website: the 30-day journey for Hope. (Hope is her Down's child with a heart defect - see prayer requests above.)

A Bahraini friend's brotherNineteen young men held and beaten for 17 months were declared innocent and pardoned after an all-night prayer vigil. See blog post about this.

Visa Granted; Cure Possible

Katya (her real name is Tanya, but since I used a pseudonym in Blest Atheist, I will stay with it here) is a dying blind orphan in Russian whose only wish is to see her two brothers, adopted by an American family 12 years ago, before she dies -- but American doctors believe that they can treat her, that she does not need to die. On October 20, 2009 after literally years of trying for this, she got an American visa! Subhanallah! More prayers are needed now because she is too ill to travel. It does not seem possible that God would bring us this far and not all the way. Please keep Katya (Tanya) in your prayers.read about Tanya

An Out-of-the-Box Solution

When Scott & White insurance company refused to pay for Lisa's cancer care, bloggers jumped in with prayers. Shortly thereafter, the State of Texas agreed to cover her medical expenses for the time being.Check Lisa's site, Glad Chatter: Ordinary Girl, Extraordinary God, for updates (and please keep praying - the cancer needs to be put into permanent remission).

Hallelujah! Many thanks to all of you for your prayers for these people. Please see my prayer list above. There are many more folks who need God's mercy and intervention.

Ways to Help Others

Afghans for AfghansA humanitarian and educational people-to-people project, this organization sends hand-knit and crocheted blankets and sweaters, vests, hats, mittens, and socks to the beleaguered people of Afghanistan. You can help by knitting and crocheting or by spreading the word.

Amazima MinistriesAmazing Ministries serves orphans in Uganda, East Africa, striving to keep the children in Uganda alive, give them life to the fullest, and educate the poorest of the poor intellectually and spiritually.

Animal Rescue SiteThe Animal Rescue Site is having trouble getting enough people to click on it daily so they can meet their quota of getting free food donated every day to abused and neglected animals. It takes about 15 seconds to go to their site and click on the purple box 'fund food for animals for free'. This doesn't cost you a thing.

Casa do Zezinho (Little Joe's House)Located in Death Triangle, the most dangerous part of Sao Paulo, Brazil, is an oasis for children, run by a lady named Dagmar, who once told me that she did not want to be called an angel because one had to die for that role. Nonetheless, she does an angel's work every day. (See post on Casa de Zezinho.)

Feel Good Yarn for Warming FamiliesWarming Families is a social network that knits warm clothing for the homeless. Through December 2009, Land's End will donate a skein of yard to Warming Families for each hat purchased.

For Your TearsThis is a blogsite providing emotional support (and a special handkerchief) for mothers who have lost a child. If you have lost one or know one who does, click over there.

Gulf BirdsThe Hunger Site's Animal Rescue page has teamed with Greater Good.org to save the fish and birds endangered by the oil slick in the Gulf of Mexico. Click here if you would like more information about how you can help.

Kids for a Better FutureIn 2006, 9-year-old Akash Mehta recruited some of his young friends and founded an organization to improve life in Afghanistan: he has raised money to assist hospitals, schools, women, and, recently, Congolese child soldiers.

Habitat for HumanityHabitat for Humanity seeks to eliminate poverty housing and homeless from the world and to make decent shelter a matter of conscience and action.

Orphan Cry (Liberia) Building on its success in Russia (see below), Orphan Cry has opened Christ Our Hope Orphanage in Monrovia, Liberia, a country with 85% unemployment and an average life expectancy of 42.5 years. Clothing, books, and water are priorities for OC in Liberia.

Orphan Cry (Russia)The fall of communism has created a parallel phenomenon: the fall of the child. An American church group has spearheaded an attempt to help children throughout Russia. The group has helped many orphans by improving the living conditions in the orphanages of Russia and creating opportunities for a better life for children as they mature into adulthood and leave the orphanages.

Pakistan16 million Pakistanis are desperate for help, and one young college student, Wajeeha, and her classmates have taken a journey to help them. Read about their plans (now fulfilled) here: Come Along on a Journey to Help Pakistan One Family at a Time. Thank you to the readers of 100th Lamb who contributed to this effort. More help is needed in Pakistan. In addition to Wajeeha's project, two helping organizations through whom you can contribute are Catholic Relief (for people needs) and World Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (for creature needs).

Pet FinderInternational rescue and adoption agency for pets. Adopt a pet, provide a foster home, help with rescue.

Por Amor a Los Ninos de Colombia (For Love of the Children of Colombia)This is Father Julio's site for helping the impoverished children of rural Colombia. Lack of money and schooling impel the children to join guerrilla groups, commit petty crimes, or become addicted to drugs. The Por Amor foundation has set about to build a centrally located school (nearly done) and a self-sustaining farm for this at-risk population.

Priests in CrisisThis site presents situations in which priests need help of various sorts. Rather than try to explain all the differing circumstances, I encourage you to go to the site and see for yourself. Perhaps there is a way that you can help someone who gives much to our Catholic community.

Prison MinistryDonate Catholic books to prison inmates. What a great use for a book we have finished reading!

Ronald McDonald HouseThe Ronald McDonald House is a home away from home for parents who need to move to a large city on a temporary basis while an ill child is receiving care from experts not available at home. Having a place to stay can be very reassuring, as well as making care financially feasible for parents coping with major medical issues.

Starfish Foster Home (China)Starfish Foster Home (SCS) to rescue Chinese orphans in need of medical care by working in collaboration with local orphanges. After nursing them back to health through solid nutrition and a loving environment, Starfish Children's Services organizes and pays for the children’s surgeries before providing post-operative care. After the surgeries, the goal shifts to getting these children in the adoption pipeline so that they can join a stable, loving family. To do this, they need help from people like you and me: money, medicine. Please contact them if you can help.

The Hunger SiteThe Hunger Site provides a specific amount of food (varies by day depending upon the number of advertisers) to those who are hungry around the world as a result of visitation to the site. (You must click to enter your visit; there are items that can be purchased but no purchase is necessary -- just a click -- to donate food.) Linked sites where you can donate in the same way, just by visiting and clicking, include the Animal Rescue, Breast Cancer, Child Health, Literacy, and Rain Forest sites. It is worth the small investment of time to do this daily. (If you do purchase something, there is a greater amount of donations made.)

Transitions Global empowers survivors of sex trafficking in Cambodia, Thailand, India and elsewhere with the opportunity to heal and recapture the most basic of human rights: freedom and hope. The various branches of this organization provide a safe environment where the girls can heal through intensive trauma therapy and life skills training, as well as learn job skills, enabling them to become healthy, independent adults. (The image comes from the movie, Trade, which chronicles a sex slave experience.)

Uganda Orphan FundThis organization helps orphans with HIV through the sale of jewelry. (In 2007, the number of orphans in Uganda was estimated at 2 million, about half of whom suffer from AIDS/HIV.)

Village EarthThis consortium empowers communities to sustainably access and manage the resources needed to achieve their vision for the future by working directly with communities as allies, distributing appropriate technology information, as well as providing training, consultation and networking services to individuals, communities and organizations around the globe. Financial help is needed for projects in Cambodia, India, Guatemala, Peru, and South Dakota. Volunteers are also being sought.

World Society for Prevention of Cruelty to AnimalsNicknamed "the cat woman of Amman" due to the many feral cats I rescued while living there, I would remind readers not to forget our animal friends. The WSPCA does outstanding work. A little money goes a long way; so does volunteerism.

WWF InternationalFormerly called the World Wildlife Fund, today this organization is better known by its initials, especially because it has gone beyond just saving animals of this planet to saving the planet itself, looking at the environment which must be preserved if animals -- and people -- are to have a livable home.

Dove of Peace

The Dove of Peace flies from site to site and through as many countries as possible. Please help it continue its healing journey and pass it on. Just right-click the image, save, and then place it on your website or send it to a friend.

Award-Free Blog

Periodically, someone gives me a blog award, which I do sincerely appreciate. I have, however, decided not to post them on this blog site although I am happy to express my appreciation on the blog award giver's site. My blogs are for glorifying God. To accept awards would place me at the center of attention, where God belongs, not I. I hope readers/bloggers will understand.