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Wednesday, July 1, 2015

We Need Our Differences

This is the full text of the talk (sermon) I planned to give in my ward's (congregation's) Sacrament Meeting (the main worship service for Latter-day Saints) on Sunday, June 28, 2015. The Young Women (girls aged 12-18, I'm the president of the ward's organization) had just returned from a five-day-long camp and were each given the opportunity to speak to the ward about their experiences and testimony. They did a great job and I'm so proud of them! Time ran short and I had to cut my remarks about in half. However, since I've had several requests for the references I used, I thought I'd just post the whole thing here for what it's worth. Hyperlinks will take you to the original sources of the quotes on lds.org, except for one quote by Chieko Okazaki that's in a book that I own.

TL;DR - We're all different in many ways, and God made us that way on purpose. We need to rejoice in our diversity, seek it out, learn from it, and certainly never reject, ostracize, denigrate or ignore others because of it. We also need to work toward unity by reaching out to each other, truly feeling love for each other, and then acting on that love in meaningful ways.

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We have an amazing group of young women. Each is “a beloved spirit…daughter
of Heavenly Parents.” As I’ve spend time with these girls over the past couple
of days at camp and in various settings over the past couple of years I’ve
thoroughly enjoyed the diversity of their personalities, talents, strengths,
weaknesses, and opinions. Girls’ camp can be such a great bonding experience.
By putting the young women and leaders together in a different setting from a
standard church meeting or activity, we see a new side of each other – who has
a limitless supply of hilarious jokes, who is the first every time to volunteer
to do dishes or fetch water, who is ridiculously determined to cram that
uncooperative tent back into the tent bag. Each of you young women contributes
something precious and unique to our group. These differences make our lives
richer and more interesting, they broaden our perspective and expand our hearts.
Sr. Okazaki, a member of the general RS presidency years ago, said:

“…look around the
room you are in. Do you see women of different ages, races, or different
backgrounds in the Church? Of different educational, marital, and professional
experiences? Women with children? Women without children? Women of vigorous
health and those who are limited by chronic illness or handicaps? Rejoice in the diversity of our sisterhood!
It is the diversity of colors in a spectrum that makes a rainbow. It is the
diversity in our circumstances that gives us compassionate hearts. It is the
diversity of our spiritual gifts that benefits the Church.” (Chieko N. Okazaki,
“Rejoice
in Every Good Thing,” October 1991 GC)

Particularly I think in our teenage years, but for those of us who are
grown as well, it can feel like there’s safety in numbers. It’s more comfortable
for most of us to not stand out from the crowd, to blend in, to conform. We can
slip into the false mindset that if we’re like someone else, we’re safe, we’re
ok. I love this analogy from Elder Wirthlin that reminds us that the diversity
of God’s children is intentional, not accidental, and we need to be ourselves
rather than try to be someone else:

“The Lord did not
people the earth with a vibrant orchestra of personalities only to value the
piccolos of the world. Every instrument
is precious and adds to the complex beauty of the symphony. All of Heavenly
Father’s children are different in some degree, yet each has [her] own
beautiful sound that adds depth and richness to the whole.

“This variety of
creation itself is a testament of how the Lord values all His children…”
(Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Concern
for the One," April 2008 GC)

It also seems like the teenage years are the prime time for people to
feel picked on for being different. One day I came home from middle school
upset about someone teasing me for being different, my mom put a label on it,
“Middle-school-itis.” She said something to the effect of “Mostly, when people
give you a hard time for being different, they’re just scared. They feel
threatened. You see, if what you believe or do is different from what they
believe or do and you’re happy and confident, then sometimes people get worried
that that means that they’re wrong or that what they’re doing is not ok, or not
as good. They’re insecure and afraid, and they’re trying to make you feel as
insecure and afraid as they are.” President Uchtdorf alluded to this mindset
when he said:

“…while the Atonement is meant to help us all
become more like Christ, it is not meant to make us all the same. Sometimes we
confuse differences in personality with sin. We can even make the mistake of
thinking that because someone is different from us, it must mean they are not
pleasing to God. This line of thinking leads some to believe that the
Church wants to create every member from a single mold—that each one should
look, feel, think, and behave like every other. This would contradict the
genius of God, who created every man different from his brother, every [daughter]
different from [her mother]. Even identical twins are not identical
in their personalities and spiritual identities.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Four
Titles,” April 2013 GC)

And another analogy from Sr. Okazaki:

“[P]lease don't
think that you must make footprints exactly the same way that everyone else
does...I say this because some of you may feel as if you're permanently out of
step. Some of you may be single in what seems like a married church. Some of
you may be childless in a family-centered church. Some of you may be struggling
in a ward where everyone else looks as if their toughest decision is which tie
to wear to sacrament meeting. I'm here to tell you you can do it your own
way...There are many ways of being
righteous. There are many ways of being Mormon..." (Chieko Okazaki,
"Following in Faith," Being Enough)

Unfortunately, sometimes we’re not comfortable enough even at church to
show our differences – we’re human, scared of how others will react, scared of
being hurt or rejected. Church should be a safe place for us to be ourselves,
to be vulnerable and genuine. As President Uchtdorf recently said: "We
come to church not to hide our problems but to heal them.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf,
“On
Being Genuine,” April 2015 General Conference)

We all need to contribute to making church a place where it’s safe to
be different, where everyone feels welcomed and celebrated and wanted,
not just those who fit a certain mold. The gospel of Jesus Christ is for everyone
and we need to act like it. Elder Holland had some strong words on this topic:

"Some members
exclude from their circle of fellowship those who are different. When our
actions or words discourage someone from taking full advantage of Church
membership, we fail them--and the Lord. The
Church is made stronger as we include every member and strengthen one another
in service and love." (Jeffrey R. Holland, "Helping
Those Who Struggle with Same-Gender Attraction," Liahona, October 2007)

And I love Sr. Okazaki’s counsel here:

“Let us value
everyone’s contributions. Let us not exclude a sister, whatever her life
choices and whatever her circumstances. Let us express trust that she used both
study and prayer in making her decisions, and provide a supportive environment
in which she can carry out those decisions, evaluate them for their success,
and modify them if necessary. If change is necessary or desirable, it will be
easier in a nurturing, supportive atmosphere…let us never judge another. We do
not know her circumstances. We do not know what soul-searching went into her
decisions…Let us be accepting and supportive as sisters. Let us trust the Lord, trust ourselves, and trust each other that we
are trying to do the best we can.” (Chieko N. Okazaki, “Rowing
Your Boat,” October 1994 GC)

In several places in the New Testament Paul uses a great analogy to
describe the members of Christ’s church.
He says:

“For as the body is one, and hath many members, and all the members of
that one body, being many, are one body: so also is Christ. For by one Spirit
are we all baptized into one body, whether we be Jews or Gentiles, whether we
be bond or fee; and have been all made to drink into one Spirit.” (1 Corinthians 12:12-13).

Then he sets up a couple of different scenarios, first:

“If the foot shall say, Because I am not the hand, I am not of the
body; is it therefore not of the body? And if the ear shall say, Because I am
not the eye, I am not of the body; is it therefore not of the body?” (v 15-16).

Here we have a member comparing themselves to another member and
concluding they themselves don’t belong because they are different. And here’s Paul’s
response:

“If the whole body were an eye, where were the hearing? If the whole
were hearing, where were the smelling? But now hath God set the members every
one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.” (v. 17-18)

The body couldn’t function if every member were the same, and God made
it that way deliberately. And then here’s the second scenario, almost the opposite of the first:

“And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor
again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.” (v. 21)

Here a member is rejecting another member because of their differences,
demonstrating pride, claiming they don’t need the other members. Paul’s
response is adamant:

“Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more
feeble, are necessary: And those members of the body, which we think to be less
honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts
have more abundance comeliness.” (v. 22-23)

Every part, every member is necessary for the body to function. The
hand might be more glamorous than the elbow, but couldn’t do its job without
it.

“That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members
should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all
the members suffer with it; or one member by honoured, all the members rejoice
with it.” (v. 25-26)

All members are needed, and should care for, suffer and rejoice
together. We lose something precious and irreplaceable when someone - anyone - leaves.

Don’t fall into either trap. Don’t look around at all the other people and
decide that you’re just too different, so you don’t belong in this Church. And
for heaven’s sake, don’t look at someone else and decide they are too
different, you don’t need them in this Church.

Not only do the foot and hand and eye all need each other, they need
their opposite as well. We have two eyes to provide depth perception,
perspective. Hearing out of two ears allows us to pinpoint directions sounds
are coming from. Having two hands and arms on opposite sides of our body
expands our reach. Opening our minds
and hearts to different views and opinions, varied life experiences of other
members, all grounded in the gospel of Jesus Christ, provides us with a more
complete understanding of each other and how we can work together for the
benefit of all and the glory of God.

Quoting Paul's analogy, Pres. Packer said this last fall:

“We seek to
strengthen the testimonies of the young and old, the married and single. We
need to teach the gospel of Jesus Christ to men, women, and children, those of
every race and nationality, the rich and the poor. We need the recent convert
and those among our numbers descended from the pioneers. We need to seek out
those who have strayed and assist them to return to the fold. We need
everyone’s wisdom and insight and spiritual strength. Each member of this Church as an individual is a critical element of
the body of the Church.” (Boyd K. Packer, “The
Reason for Our Hope,” October 2014 GC)

We need our differences – “different” doesn’t mean “bad”. It might mean
new or uncomfortable or misunderstood or I need to learn more, but different is
good, it is vital, it is intentional.

“Your background or
upbringing might seem different from what you perceive in many Latter-day
Saints, but that could be a blessing. Brothers and sisters, dear friends, we
need your unique talents and perspectives. The
diversity of persons and peoples all around the globe is a strength of this
Church…As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are united in our testimony of the
restored gospel and our commitment to keep God’s commandments. But we are
diverse in our cultural, social, and political preferences.

The Church thrives when we take advantage of this diversity and
encourage each other to develop and use our talents to lift and strengthen our
fellow disciples.” (Dieter F. Uchtdorf, “Four
Titles,” April 2013 General Conference)

So we’ve heard from church leaders that our diversity and
differences in talents, experiences, opinions, and applications of the gospel
to our lives are a strength, are needed in this church. But we are also
commanded several times in the scriptures to “be one,” and Christ must be serious
about it because He warns “if ye
are not one, ye are not mine”. How do we do that? How do we honor the differences
while becoming one?

I noticed something about every scripture I read about unity while
preparing for this talk. In every single case, unity was linked with love, and
often specifically with charity, the pure love of
Christ. First, we need to truly desire unity and then pray for the charity it
requires “with
all the energy of heart”. Then we reach out to each other in love, to get
to know others who are different from us, to strike up conversations, to find
ways to serve meaningfully, to open our homes and invite
people over, to ask questions, to listen to their stories and learn from their experiences. This
is easier for some than for others, but we can all do something to reach out to
someone.

If we find ourselves drifting into a judging mindset, “hating,
gossiping, ignoring, ridiculing, holding grudges, or wanting to cause harm”, we
need to take President Uchtdorf’s advice and simply “stop
it!” We should assume the best of each other.

“The most important lesson [is] that we are truly all one in Christ
Jesus. We are one in our love of the Savior. We are one in our testimonies of
the gospel. We are one in faith, hope, and charity. We are one in our
conviction that the Book of Mormon is the inspired word of God…We are one in
loving each other.

“Are we perfect in any of these things? No. We all have much to learn.
Are we exactly the same in any of these things? No. We are all at different
points on our journey back to our Father in Heaven…God has given us many gifts,
much diversity, and many differences, but the essential thing is what we know
about each other—that we are all his children. Our challenge as members of the
Church is for all of us to learn from each other, that we may all love each
other and grow together.” (Chieko Okazaki, “Baskets
and Bottles,” April 1996 GC)

It’s my hope that our Young Women organization and our ward can more
fully appreciate, enjoy, and celebrate the God-given differences we have, that
we can all help make church a safe place to be different, and come together
more completely in love and unity, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.