Just a glimpse of me...

Do you ever feel STUCK? In 2000, I began looking for answers to some tough questions in my life. I'd searched high & low and finally conceded to search the promises found in the Bible. Those promises have sustained & guided me through the loss of a parent, the struggle with anxiety & depression, the loss of a valued relationship and so much more! I've found joy amid the pain. And, I want to share it with you!

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05 October 2013

HOPE, Childhood Hopes 10-05-13

My childhood was -- let's just say -- complicated. Without going into details, I grew up KNOWING that I should never be a mom. I remembering not wanting to play "family" because I was afraid to be the mommy. I went into my teens knowing that I should not be a mom. I went into my twenties knowing it. There was no doubt in my mind that I should not have children. I did NOT have what I needed to be a good mom!

Only in my mid-twenties, when I held a friend's newborn baby (just hours old), did I wonder... is there any hope that I could do this? It was the first time I'd even considered it seriously. I began praying & asking God... could I??

When the talk of marriage began between me & my best friend, who became the LOML, that time of praying & seeking became more intense. He was definitely interested in having a family. Why couldn't he just take me as I was... a hard-working business woman without kids. But, he not only wanted me just as I was but, for what he felt I could be... a good mommy :)

I cup her tiny head within the palm ofmy hand & think of how God holdsme safe & secure every day!

I will never regret that I became the mom of my two children. It's been one of the biggest blessings of my life. And, I did have all that I needed to be a good mom... because I was totally dependent upon the Lord. Step by step & day by day, I sought God to help me. And, God delivered.

Holding a sleeping newborn brought me a joy like I'd never known. All those years ago, I'd been scared to play "mommy" for fear that I would be a bad mom. Time & God changed those fears to the freedom to trust God in each & every moment.That realization so many years ago gave me the hope & courage to trust God in other times when I was feeling inadequate or ill-equipped.His promises...

That's why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.2 Corinthians 12:10