Drinking in airport only way to get through Ryanair flight, claim passengers

People who drink heavily in airports have insisted they do so only because the thought of boarding a budget airline is so horrific.

Aviation Minister Lord Ahmad said something must be done about excessive drinking in airports, a claim refuted by seasoned travellers.

Budget airline user Simon Williams told us, “You think I enjoy drinking lager at 5:30am on am empty stomach? Are you mad? I do this because I have to.

“Three hours on a Ryanair flight is the equivalent of a fortnight in normal time, and you simply can not endure such an experience without the aid of alcohol. It’s barbaric.

“Why do you think Ryanair passengers are so docile when they’re shifted to the arse-end of the airport and made to walk two miles to their plane?

“It’s because we’re all shitfaced. It’s like that long walk home from the pub that you don’t remember – it was probably horrible, but your brain has done you a favour by forgetting it ever happened, we’re just giving it a helping hand with the alcohol.”

Fellow traveller Steve Matthews told us, “I’m flying Ryanair to Tenerife. So that’s four and a half hours of unadulterated misery I’ve signed up for.