art

Other than occasionally making artstuff and working on a few random things like work, most of my recent days have been spent staring blankly towards nowhere. I’ve been thinking thoughts about who I should be but am not. Why do I still do this, in spite of the opportunities that obviously present themselves?

I’ve seen a year – heck, three years – blindly pass me by, Not saying nothing happened at all during those years, but…something more could have. I could be jumping into wells and riding paper planes. instead I contemplate about these things that have passed and blaming all the events that never happened.

I might even have lost sight of what Lightyoke is all about – which is carrying a lighter burden. Since…I know I shouldn’t be going easy now. So, yeah, things have been going very slow.

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My days in school had a lot of mixed up memories. Now that I’m older, looking back, there were things I could have changed. It would have been great if I made the most out of the time as a teenager. But like most kids – I was often just going along and letting things be..

The prevailing memory I’ve had back then was how I was caring so much about what others thought about me and ending up falling short. Somehow I grew up adapting that way of thinking where people’s eyes, scores and judgments needed to be regarded a lot. That seed made much anxiety bloom and I was a wreck on the inside. I was awkward and often thought I was disregarded. That people could stand on their own and I couldn’t.