Johanna Garth is the author of The Persephone Campbell Series; a modern take on the myth of Hades and Persephone. Johanna lives in McLean, Virginia with her husband and two children.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Failure: Size Small

Last weekend I went to the beach with three of my dearest friends. While we are all big fans of white sand beaches, infinity pools and drinks with umbrellas, this wasn't that kind of beach. It was the Oregon coast in March which, while beautiful, is not something you associate with swimwear or burying your toes in the sand.

What it's perfect for is talking...which we did nonstop for three days. More importantly, for this blog, we spent an entire evening cozied up in front of the fireplace while we dissected our fears of failure.

These women aren't the kind of people you would expect to harbor deep-seated fears about failure. They're ivy league smart with impressive jobs, or the ability to obtain impressive jobs if the winds blow them in that direction. They all have amazing children, loving husbands and beautiful homes. They are successful by any standard and yet, somehow they all had a lot to contribute to our fear of failure discussion.

At some point in the evening we had an epiphany. We realized our fears of failure are like t-shirt sizes. They come in small, medium and large. No matter what size you are, you can be certain there will be a fear of failure that is the perfect fit for you.

Failure: Size Small.

These are things that we aspire to do. We might work at them from time-to-time but over all, the stakes are low.

My best example of size small failure fear centers around pie crust. My mom makes the world's best pie crust. She can have it rolled out on the counter, draped over the rolling pin and laid out in a pie pan in less time than it takes me to write a blog post.

When I make pie crust, using the same recipe handed down through the generations, the results aren't the same. There is breakage, patching and frustration. This isn't enough to prevent me from making the pie crust but I certainly wouldn't ever offer to bring pie to my mother's house.

If it were any other recipe I'd say forget it. Cut my losses and move on but this recipe is a family legacy. I want to get it right so that, maybe, someday, I'll be able to make it for my grandchildren. On the other hand, do my pie crust fiascos keep me up at night? No, emphatically no! Still, until I get them right, my pies won't be something I bring to a dinner party.

My inability to actually write a post write now would be along my size small failures. It is not a constant and thing and it won't nag at me, but it is still a thing.

And dumplings. I can't seem to make a dumpling to save my life. My mother makes chicken and dumplings and it is rich and thick with these lovely plump dumplings floating about in it. My chicken and dumplings is like a thick noodleless chicken soup, and my dumplings always melt away to nothing. Still tasty, but not chicken and dumplings. Some day I will discover the secret to non melting dumplings, oh yes, someday I will.

I'm failing to be optimistic today. My husband just called and said our youngest might not get into her big sister's school after all. (It's a long story of lottery schools and budget cuts and blah-de-blah.) I hope I'm wrong.

On a better note, I left you an award and a "Tag, you're it!" on my blog.

My size small failure fear is that I'll never learn how to cook without ruining whatever I make. I can barely make macaroni and cheese correctly. (And I am also referring to Easy Mac when I say that.) I've even accidentally burned frozen pizza.

I thought I was the only person on the planet who couldn't make pie crust. My mother-in-law made the best I've ever put in my mouth from anywhere. I have tried to make a crust with her standing beside me telling me exactly what to do. Fail.

This post really made me think today. My brain totally resisted the idea of acknowledging my size small failure fear... I'm not sure why because I know I have at least a few... Perhaps I just needed to focus on things that make me feel confident today... :-)

Good luck with your pie crust Johanna :) The coast must be beautiful, even if there are no martinis and burying ones toes in the warm sand.I'd say my small failure fear is not being as organized as I'd like to be. On the upside, there is some method to my madness and I have a strange knack for almost always knowing where everything is, including my family's missing objects :p