Buddhism,Family life,Searching and getting knocked down and getting back up literally and figuratively.

It can only be what it is...

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Lost it, then found something

Had a not so proud moment today, my temper got the better of me and I really let it fly. The kind of temper that used to make me cringe when my Dad got angry and lost it. What kinds of surprises me is that I have tried so hard to not be my Dad. In a lot of ways I have succeeded in breaking some of the behavior I was exposed to. Although every now and again a situation arises that fans the flames, and I really let it fly. It's instantly regrettable and yet there are times where I can see it and I put on the brakes and avoid it ,but sadly today was not one of those moments.
I need help to channel these moments, something concrete, a method to allow me to make a division or separate the issue from my reaction and step back. The suffering created by my anger is so reflected back at me, the challenge I face is not letting other people's anger (not to name drop but a certain pre-teen daughter comes to mind) ignite that flame in me and set me ablaze. Wow that was a tad dramatic, guess she gets that from me too.
So in the end I found the distaste I needed for getting rid of this anger. I know that it is an uphill climb as I feel a certain genetic pre-programming for it , but with all the might I can muster I am going to finally but this to rest.