Monday, March 1, 2010

You're cordially invited to pay my Visa bill.

OK so... same ole, same ole here. Work, work, work. But I had to hop on here really quick to share (and rant about) this new website I heard about this morning on the local news. And just for fair warning, you should know I'm very traditional when it comes to etiquette and whatnot - especially when it comes to weddings. I just eat the stuff up. I did a whole speech in grad school about it. All those little rules are simply, at the end of the day, about being considerate of others. That's all etiquette really is. (And yeah, I got to choose my topic - that class obviously had nothing to do with my degree!)

So anyway, I'm putting on my makeup this morning and I hear the news reporter interviewing a local guy who created a new type of wedding registry website called billpayregistry.com. I'm sure you can gather the gist of it by the name, but here's the blurb on the site that explains how it works...

"A bill registry is similar to a traditional online wedding registry, in which you sign up for the gifts you would like to receive for your wedding. However, with billpayregistry.com, instead of gifts, you register your unpaid bills and have your friends and family make contributions to your debt as a gift to you. One of the great things about billpayregistry.com is that it's not limited to just weddings! Any event (birthdays, Christmas, Hanukkah, etc.) is a great opportunity to get rid of your debt once and for all and start living again. As you receive gifts, request the bills that you would like us to pay for you and we'll submit a payment on your behalf."

Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! (That's me this morning nearly smearing my eyeliner while listening to this.) Now I am in no way slamming the guy (yes, it was a guy) who developed this site. On one hand, it's actually a pretty good idea (from a business perspective) that I think a lot of people (sadly enough) will buy into... He says he's not doing it to make a profit, and I honestly think his intentions are good here - so kudos on that end. However, this idea of asking wedding guests (or whomever) to pay off your debts hits me like nails on a chalkboard for two very specific, but very different reasons (and yes, I'm totally picturing myself standing at a podium with my finger pointed as I type this)...

1. A bride and groom should never ask for money. There, I said it. And I know a LOT of people will disagree with me on this, and I'm fine with that. And I also know that in some regions it's very traditional to give cash gifts for weddings. Not so much in the South, but I know it's very big elsewhere in the U.S. Nothing wrong with that at all - you can give whatever you want and shoot, cash is always appreciated! But you should never ever *ask* for it - by whatever means. Things like honeymoon registries make me want to vomit. So naturally, the idea of someone asking for money to pay their bills... well just go ahead and hand me a spoon. And not to mention, would you not (as a guest) be tallying up the cost of the wedding you're attending in your head, wondering why the hell you're paying these people's bills when the bride's floating around the dance floor in a $2,500 gown? Just sayin'...

2. You need to clean up your own mess. As someone who has been working her tail end off with her husband the last 18 months to get rid of debt, I find the idea of setting up a "debt registry" very insulting. But my feelings aside, if you've made a financial mess of things, you need to clean up your own damn mess. This doesn't mean people can't help you - my parents have been a HUGE help to us and we're incredibly grateful. But you've got to take responsibility for your shit. Grab the poo bags and get to scoopin'. Depending on family and friends and (*cough*) wedding guests to bail your ass out is ridiculous. It may sound inviting and maybe even "smart" to some. And hey, maybe your guests will buy into too and they can get you out of debt. But I'm willing to bet you'll be right back in the hole - and probably a deeper one - by your 2nd anniversary. The thing is, if you've made a mess, you need a new plan. You will not learn your lesson and make the behavioral changes you need to make by letting others clean up your mess. Getting out a debt - REALLY getting out of debt for good - is a spiritual journey. Don't miss out on that.

Alright... off my soapbox and back into my desk chair for now. So what do you guys think? Would you opt for this type of registry as a bride or groom? Would you participate as a guest? No worries - I'm not gonna slam you if you disagree with me. I'm just curious as to what others think.

13 comments:

That is the tackiest idea I have ever heard of. In. My. Life. I agree, honeymoon registery, asking for money, asking for gift cards- tacky! I helped host a bridal shower for a friend and she requested it be a gift card shower. I was appaled to have my name associated with it...but I survived!

A-Gree. The point of people buying you gifts for your wedding is not that they Have to, but that they want to give you things to help you make a home for you and your significant other. And you're completely right, unless people learn to deal with their debt and money the right way, it's just going to come back down the road. p.s. I'm still waiting for you to share yall's goals for 2010! I come to your site every time I need to remind myself not to spend and remember the big picture!:)

I went to visit Santa in a very nice mall. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said, "I've been very good to myself this year. Could you just pay off my VISA?" He laughed at me and said, "Wouldn't that be nice." Santa did not deliver that year.

New follower here. I couldn't agree with you more. I'm on the west coast, one sees a lot of money dances at weddings here. I always find it painful to watch. Needless to say, we skipped that tradition.

Hi, I found your blog through Shopaholic in AL. This post is crazy. Why not just ask your guests to drop a few bucks in a jar at the reception to help off set the cost of the wedding. People are absolutely out of their minds these days!

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Buford Betty is...

About Me

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I'm a Georgia Bulldog! I met my husband at UGA in Geology 110 and the rest is history.

I'm a CPA, working as a tax professional at a local firm. But I'm also very creative and artistic. I use both sides of my brain.

I'm a Christian and I like to talk about God stuff.

My husband and I are smack dab in the middle of working our way out of debt. We drive old cars and brown bag it.

I'm a huge Dave Ramsey fan, so if you don't like him, I'll probably annoy you.

I love to talk about money and I love helping people with money problems. I'm working towards becoming a personal financial counselor/mentor through our church.

We have two dogs, Belly - an 11yr old border collie mix, and Gertie - a 6yr old lab/pit mix. They're our little loves!

We are members of Buckhead Church and volunteer as 2-to-1 mentors (the church's premarital program).

My husband and I started TTC our first child in November 2005. After a long battle, we finally gave birth to our son, Samuel Nolen, in January 2012!

I want to write a book on my struggles with infertility. And I talk a lot about our journey on this blog, but in no way do I let my infertility define me. This is not an infertility blog; I just want to be an encouragement to others fighting the good fight!

I absolutely love life and wouldn't trade our journey for the world. The struggles we have faced have made me the person I am today.