James Franco was on Letterman last night and the subject of that half-naked selfie of him looking like a greased up, bloated hen trying to push the gas out of his stomach was brought up. That selfie looked like it took as much effort as a butt scratch, but James Franco, being the thoughtful artist he is, tells Letterman that he meant to look like a gross weirdster who wipes his peen and precum all over the faucet in a unisex gas station bathroom and then hides in the bushes to see who goes in. James Franco meant to look creepy. Uh huh.

Franco says that out of all the things he posts on Instagram for his 2 million followers, the selfies get the most likes and the topless selfies get the most most likes, so he’s giving the people what they want. But since Franco is a true ~artiste~, he wasn’t going to give the people a regular old hot pin-up piece selfie. Taking inspiration from Brit Brit’s shaving head meltdown, Franco gave the people what they wanted, but brought the fug while doing so. Oh, Franco, we’re just all too simple to fully understand all the complex layers that make up your selfie art.

“Like that Britney Spears shaved head moment, where it’s sort of like, ‘All right, you want me? Here you can have me, but I am going to be really ugly.’ You know what I mean?”

Franco went on to fart about how his greasy, bloated, hungover selfies are only meant for his followers and fun-killing bloggers have to ruin it all by posting ’em. Those bitchy bloggers really do ruin everything. Franco said that if you don’t want to see his nipples, don’t follow him. I think what he meant to say was, if you don’t want to see his nipples, don’t go on the Internet, because he is the Internet. And by “people” I’m guessing James Franco means his followers. So can his 2 million followers do us, the other people, a favor by wanting things like naked selfies of ASkars, naked selfies of Prince Hot Ginge, naked selfies of Idris Elba and the secret recipe for Jello-O 1-2-3?

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