Yesterday, I read about how Carl’s Jr. is currently testing a mind-blowing, revolutionary foodstuff (copyright: Kunty Karl) called pizza fries, which is also known as the crap most of us have been making for years at 3am after a night of boozing and toking. I don’t know why, but Carl’s Jr.’s pizza fries made me think of Pizza Hut’s Bigfoot pizza. Probably because Carl’s Jr.’s pizza fries look like a teeny tiny tumor found in Bigfoot pizza’s colon. Pizza Hut’s Bigfoot was an artery-clogging delicious jewel that came out in the early 90s. It was two square feet of gooey deliciousness. Little Caesars also had a humongo-pizza called Big! Big!, but I remember Bigfoot the most.

To put Bigfoot’s size into perspective, you could cover almost half of Jared Leto’s huge peen with it. Jared Leto’s peen could wear it as an oversized shrug. It was that big. It was pretty greasy too. When Mama June ordered one, she didn’t even have to lube up her parts before fucking it.

Bigfoot didn’t stick around that long. It was discontinued before the 90s ended.

Pizza Hut’s Bigfoot shocked some of our minds in the 90s, because we couldn’t believe the gluttony of it all. But today, the Bigfoot is considered tiny-sized. The Bigfoot is a small appetizer pizza at The Cheesecake Factory and when a server brings it to the table, people usually say, “Oh, we’re going to need another one of those.“

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