Let John Mulaney Teach You How to Handle the One Percent (Without Losing Your Dignity)

Before John Mulaney was a celebrated Saturday Night Live writer, he was a lowly television ec’s assistant. The job partially inspired his first show, Mulaney, about a comic who works for a high-strung game-show host (Martin Short). He tells us what he wishes he’d known in that "one excruciating year."

No one cares about your fancy degree.

"I had just graduated, so I was at my most selfish. I loved my boss, but there were all sorts of funny moments where he’d be like, ’Stop talking.’ I got Martin Short to say that to me in the show."

Your adolescent brain wants you to mess up.

"I’d schedule an appointment and then be like, ’Gotta remember to put that in his calendar.’ Then 21-year-old hungover ADD brain would take over."

Find unique ways to hide your mistakes.

"The busier your boss is, the easier it is to hide stuff you fucked up. If I forgot to schedule a meeting, I’d say, ’His schedule shifted.’ People were mad, but no one said, ’You forgot, didn’t you, you fucking idiot.’"

"Sorry" really doesn’t cut it.

"They just want you to undo the thing. Everyone knows you didn’t mean it—they just don’t care."

Going the extra mile isn’t always what’s called for.

"I once lied to get him a reservation at Nobu and said he was coming with a very famous person. That was stupid. On Monday he came in and said, ’What did you say?! They kept asking, "Is anyone else joining you?"’"

It could be worse.

"I’ve heard that one of Elvis’s assistants washed his hair after he died. That’s a point when delegating isn’t fun."