Jun 7, 2011

Personal Scribbles: Let it go, honey... Just let it go.

I decided I wanted to incorporate some personal chit chatting once in a while in this blog, for those times when I dearly need some writing to confide in myself with.

Writing, as so, is such a beautiful form of art- it heals my heart inside and out.

About letting go, forgiving and forgetting what your friends had done to you.

When I have too much time in my hands, I begin thinking too much into things.

I get worked up in the small details in my life that cause everything to be slightly less perfect.

Put in more simple terms, I have always been one to never, EVER want any flaw in my life.

I hated flaws- I still do.

I hated that my life couldn't be 100% perfect all the time- that something always had to be wrong.

Why is that? Why can't I have a day- a week- a month- a year without any worry or anxiety- without any disappointments, failures, heartbreaks- any of that?

Why can't my life be perfect?

A few months back when I was going through this crisis- one that I've been struggling with for all my life- I came across this book called "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff," written by Richard Carlson. The book basically speaks for itself- it's meant for people exactly like me, who dwell over the small flaws in their lives so much that they can't move on. Carlson keeps reminding me to basically to let the fuck go.

This book (I'm reading the one for teens) covers a lot of stuff that teenagers- or young adults deal with on a daily basis- and Carlson taught me a whole lot of valuable lessons (for instance, one chapter tells me to "be selective when choosing your battles"- meaning, some things are just not worth battling about- they are not worth the time nor the energy.)

One particular chapter that I found was helpful to me read this: "Drop the Drama."

Ah- drama.

Any teeange girl who had gone through middle school and high school would know a lot about drama. A lot. A lot. A LOT of drama.

The funny thing is, we know it's all unnecessary drama- but we still (or I..still..) dwell over it, get angry about it, get all caught up about it that we fail to recognize the more important things in our lives. For instance, we fail to see what a beautiful day it is outside, how we are so lucky to have caring parents, or how we should be grateful to be breathing air, drinking clean water, eating healthy food, and sleeping with roof above our heads. So many things we miss out on- because we just can't drop the drama.

Here are a few excerpts of the chapter:

"A friend, for example, might make a mistake or say something wrong. Rather than forget about it and get on with our day, we allow ourselves to feel offended and annoyed. We think about the mistake during the rest of the day, feeling more and more justified in our irritation. Many of us might even go home and tell others about it, or call a friend and commiserate, rather than simply letting it go."

"While it can be really tempting to blow these types of things out of proportion, it's ultimately better for your sanity, your friendships, and your happiness to learn to let them go."

"The problem with sweating the small stuff is that there is, and always will be, an endless supply of things to sweat over.There always will be friends making mistakes, strangers cutting us off, things being lost, plans going astray, and all the rest."

"As you learn to let some of these things go, you'll find yourself experiencing far less stress and aggravation. You'll be left with more mental energy and creativity in order to live life to it's fullest."

Enough said.

Just yesterday, I did it again.

An old time friend and I met up for a quick movie and some catching up. We casually came across to talk about a guy we mutually knew- a guy who, I once had been very close with, but through certain misunderstandings had drifted apart. I began getting very upset over even talking about him, and starting defending myself, saying how I wasn't the one to blame- and that it was his fault we weren't as close anymore. I then stopped and asked my friend what I should do- and she shrugged and just said, "just forget about it." It was right then and there when I realized that I was making such a big ass deal about this one thing- this one flaw in my life- which everyone else could tell was nothing to worry about-because all I needed to do was "forget about it."

I've always been this way, though.

I get in an argument with a friend, I struggle to fall asleep. I can't do my homework.

I retort back to a teacher, I replay the scene over and over and before I realize I can't concentrate on anything else.

I get upset about what a friend did or said about me- I just can't let it go.

This is one of my favorite quotes, said by Marilyn Monroe:

"I believe everything happens for a reason,

People change so that we can learn to let go,

things go wrong so that you can appreciate them

when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually

learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes

good things fall apart so better things can fall together."

Things go wrong... So that you can appreciate them when they're right...

Things go wrong... So that you can appreciate them when they're right...

Things go wrong... So that you can appreciate them when they're right...

Another random quote to ponder upon:

"I've made mistakes in my life,

I've let people take advantage of me,

and I accepted way less than I deserved

But, I learned from my bad choices and

even though there are some things I can never

get back and people who will never be sorry,

I'll know better next time and

I won't settle for any less than I deserve."

The fact of the matter is,

These friends are never going to be with me forever.

It's just going to be me, God, and those very few people who will be with me until the end.

I can think of a couple from the top of my head:

my dad, the biggest, most annoying supporter in my life

my big brother, my bodyguard, my guardian angel

my mom, my secret keeper from heaven.

When it comes to friends, I never know.

I believe in strong friendship- I had one or two over the years.

But ultimately, they come and go.

That's what I've realized, after having graduated high school.

Friends all come and go.

But we have to appreciate them the same, and even more because of this.

Sure, they don't last,

but they still find us, and they still bring great joy and laughter into our lives.

***

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."