Assorted rants, posts, support, whatnot for those of us who deal with eating disorders, recovery from them, and participation from a real, loving, involved Creator! He's amazing! "Arise!"

Thursday, March 23, 2017

My Precious?

The character,
Gollum, in J. R. R. Tolkien's“The Lord of the
Rings,” is a study in addiction and its pitfalls.

This creature
was obsessed with the powerful properties of a much- desired ring. Transfixed,
he often referred to it as “my precious.” This preoccupation,
over time, led to his changed, grotesque form; it also contributed to both his torment
and his tragedy.

The story portrays Gollum as a struggling being who had “come
to love and hate the Ring, just as he loved and hated himself.” His unfortunate
fate inevitably followed. Upon finally seizing the ring, he fell into a
volcano’s fires. Both he and his “precious” were destroyed.

Now, how’s that for a cautionary tale?

“The eyes are the
window of the soul.”

English Proverb

Gollum’s prominent
physical feature, indeed, was that of his gigantic eyes. His peepers show us the
allure of the shiny idol.

In my own
eating disorder recovery, there is the concept of how our eyes are often larger
than our stomachs. What that means, really, in any addiction context, is that
our obsessive lust is larger than our human capacity.

“Hell and destruction are never full; so the eyes of man are
never satisfied.”

Proverbs 27:20

Ah, yes. The
lust of the eyes... It’s been there, right from the start.

“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit
thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.”

Genesis 3:6

What we see
and give power to determines our vision. It is, therefore, addiction’s promise,
which assures us there will be pleasure, fulfillment and freedom from pain and
fear. It’s a hefty promise. And, for a time, it may even look like it delivers.

It certainly
had me convinced. When I was a bridesmaid at my cousin’s wedding, I believed my
two-digit weight was my answer and cure to everything. If I could just meet
this appearance goal, all would be well and perfect. I was at my lowest weight,
an emaciated point, so much so, comments made included not only how thin I
looked, but also how large my eyes appeared. The wedding photographer had a
startled reaction when I showed up for the photographs.

“My,
what big eyes you have!”

(There’s
nothing like a nod to “Little Red Riding Hood,” huh?)

Now, who
knows exactly why he said what he
said.

Was he
trying to say something flattering in
the presence of this disturbing skeleton?

Was he
trying to make me feel better, so I wouldn’t kill myself after the wedding?

Was he just
so flummoxed, he fumbled for any words he could find?

I believe it
was a mix of all three. At the time, I certainly felt a combination of fear,
pity and shock from him.

But my
physical frame could not be denied. I did have an exaggerated appearance. I was
a skeletal being in a girly pink bridesmaid dress, with matching hat. I looked
like a mushroom on the verge of tipping over.

And, because
everything else on me had shrunken, my eyes did
look all the more prominent. Some would even say “bug-eyed.” I was, indeed,
skin over bones- and that included my face. My eyes, therefore, were a large, disordered
and distorted window to my soul. And my soul was in agony.

Whatever our
addictions, compulsions, disorders and vices may be, that is the cold hard
reality; we are in agony. We grapple for something which has occupied our field
of vision, only to discover, just like Gollum, our “precious,” leads us to
destruction.

“There is a way that
seems right to a man. But its end is
the way of death.”

Proverbs
14:12

But,
fortunately, it is not all doom and gloom here. For, if we return to the entire
“precious” factor, we can see there is a scriptural, spiritual, life-affirming
Truth at hand. It asks us for a shift in our thinking, but it is there,
nonetheless.

The challenge
concerns what each “precious” represents to us as individuals.

But it
doesn’t just stop at the hard work on confronting our painful and ugly
realities.

For, the
Divine’s perspective provides good news: our precious status, to Him, is
already in effect.

"Since thou is precious in my sight... I have loved thee..."
Isaiah 43:4

“How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great
is the sum of them! If I should
count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still
with thee.”

Psalm 139:17-18

Love,
acceptance, pleasure, freedom from pain and fear and the choice of what is
considered “precious” to us- these are all heart issues. And heart issues are
life issues.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...”

Proverbs 23:7

Therefore,
the distorted representations of our “precious” idols steal us away from our
one and first, true Love...

“The LORD hath appeared of old unto
me, saying, ‘Yea, I have loved thee with an everlasting love: therefore with
lovingkindness have I drawn thee.’”

Jeremiah
31:3

“We love him, because he first loved us.”

1 John 4:19

And this
separation causes us tremendous pain, whether we know it or not. It is the
estrangement, the perceived severing of an intimate, loving relationship in
which there is a mutual “precious exchange” going on.

“This is my commandment, That ye love one
another, as I have loved you.”

John 15:12

On some
level, what we seek, what we crave, is that experience of actively loving and being
beloved in return. Our primal need, therefore, can have us searching for this
experience in our addictions. We desperately hope, that loved/beloved reality
is waiting, with open arms, in the alcohol, the drugs, the food, the sex, the
relationships, the shopping and/or in any other thing we deem to be our
medication.

But it
isn’t. And, the more we obsess, pursue and follow our designated “precious,”
inevitably, the more likely we are to meet destruction.

Perhaps,
then, it adds another layer to an oft-quoted scriptural passage...

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and
whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. What will it profit a
man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give
in exchange for his soul?”

Matthew 16:25-26

There is a
prioritization to the “precious.” There is a weight to the lust of our eyes.
What we think about most, looms largest in our lives.

So, the
disturbing question comes.

Is “my precious” giving me the life I
want?

More often
than not, honestly, the answer is no.

At any given
point in our lives, we are crying out for some representation of Divine love.

"Will he take delight in the Almighty? Will he call on
God at all times?”

Job 27:10

We are
calling for our beloved precious. But are we choosing the Most High to be that
One and Only Source?

“... I have set before you life and death, blessings and
curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live.”

Deuteronomy 30:19 further challenges the issue. Just
for a moment, let’s insert “the choice of precious” into the scripture, so that
it reads...

“... I have set before
you“the choice of precious”life
and death, blessings and curses. Nowchoose“the choice of precious”life,
so that you and your children may live.”

Our decision
comes into view. We choose. We have free will. And we also have the benefits
package, laid out for us, if our decision chooses the Most High as our beloved...

“You have given him his heart's desire, And You have not
withheld the request of his lips. Selah.”

Psalm 21:2

“Delight yourself also in the LORD; and he shall give you the
desires of your heart.”

Psalm 37:4

Nothing and
no one else is able to deliver that.

So, each one
of us has Gollum lurking within. Something has captivated us, captured us. What
is it?

What’s your
“Precious?” And what is at stake concerning it?

“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and
whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. What will it profit a
man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give
in exchange for his soul?”

About Me

Author and speaker Sheryle Cruse’s passion has been toward encouraging and empowering both young girls and women to come to a personal relationship with Christ and live their lives free from the damage of their life experiences. This is most recently displayed in her Christian self-help book on eating disorders, Thin Enough: My Spiritual Journey Through the Living Death of an Eating Disorder. Released by New Hope Publishers, it is a personal journey from “glory to glory” (2 Corinthians 3:18) for Sheryle, as well as a spiritual war cry to girls and women everywhere to rise in Christ, no matter what disorder, obstacle or argument tries to come against them. Sheryle Cruse currently lives in Minnesota with her husband, Russell, writing and speaking on the recovery process.