Ian is a pommy? If this was about 2-3 years earlier, I'd rip into him about how we (ie the Croats) demolished them and kicked them out of the Euro but err.....yea....that one's probably gonna backfire on me now so I won't say i.....oh shit

1953  Aperture Science begins operations as a manufacturer of shower curtains. Early product line provides a very low-tech portal between the inside and outside of your shower. Very little science is actually involved. The name is chosen to make the curtains appear more hygienic.

1956  Eisenhower administration awards Aperture a contract to provide shower curtains to all branches of the military except the Navy.

1957 - 1973  Mostly shower curtains.

1974  Aperture Founder and CEO, Cave Johnson, is exposed to mercury while secretly developing a dangerous mercury-injected rubber sheeting from which he plans to manufacture seven deadly shower curtains to be given as gifts to each member of the House Naval Appropriations committee.

1976  Both of Cave Johnsons kidneys fail. Brain damaged, dying, and incapable of being convinced that time is not now flowing backwards, Johnson lays out a three-tier R&D program. The results, he says, will guarantee the continued success of Aperture Science far into the fast-approaching distant past.

1. The Heimlich Counter-Maneuver  A reliable technique for interrupting the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver.
2. The Take-A-Wish Foundation  A charitable organization that will purchase wishes from the parents of terminally ill children and redistribute them to wish-deprived but otherwise healthy adults.
3. Some kind of rip in the fabric of space that would well, itd be like, I dont know, something that would help with the shower curtains I guess. I havent worked this idea out as much as the wish-taking one.

1981  Diligent Aperture engineers complete the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver and Take-A-Wish Foundation initiatives. The company announces products related to the research in a lavish, televised ceremony. These products immediately become wildly unpopular. After a very public string of choking and despondent sick child disasters, senior company officials are summoned before a Senate investigative committee. During these proceedings, an engineer mentions that some progress has been made on "Tier 3", the man-sized ad hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain. The committee is quickly and permanently recessed, and Aperture is granted an open-ended contract to continue research on the Portal and "Heimlich Counter-Maneuver" projects in secret.

1981-1985  Work progresses on the Portal project. Several high ranking Fatah personnel choke to death on lamb chunks despite the intervention of their bodyguards.

1986  Word reaches Aperture management that another defense contractor called Black Mesa is working on a similar portal technology. In response to this news, Aperture begins developing the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System (GLaDOS), an artificially intelligent research assistant and disk operating system.

1996  After a decade spent bringing the disk operating parts of GLaDOS to a state of more or less basic functionality, work begins on the Genetic Lifeform component.

1998  The untested AI is activated for the first time as one of the planned activities on Apertures first annual bring-your-daughter-to-work day. In many ways, the initial test goes well: Within one picosecond of being switched on, GLaDOS becomes self-aware. The "going well" phase lasts for two more picoseconds, at which point GLaDOS takes control of the facility, locks everyone inside, and begins a permanent cycle of testing. Her goal: beat the hated Black Mesa in the race to develop a functioning portal technology. Days later, that race is lost when Black Mesa successfully deploys an interdimensional gate through which an alien race emerges and effectively ends the outside world.

(Contains no Portal 2 info, so it's safe to read if you're on a media ban. The source link isn't though. )

Valve has apparently canceled its planned Portal 2 event during E3 for a new surprise.

An e-mail was sent out to gaming press today that announced the cancellation. Read the entire message below:

Quote:

Dear Subject Name Here,

Aperture Science is pleased to inform you that we have partnered with Valve to announce the gala CANCELLATION of the June 14 Portal 2 event at the Regal Theater. The event will be replaced by a surprise. And even though the cancellation of the event certainly counts as a surprise, we are pleased to further announce that the cancellation of the event is not THE surprise. However, per International treaties regarding the definition of the word "surprise", of which both Aperture Science and Valve are signatories, the time, date and content of the actual surprise will only become available as you experience the surprise.

If you'd like to ask fruitless questions about the E3 Portal 2 surprise or, more fruitfully, schedule an appointment to attend a Portal 2 screening at the Valve booth during E3, please contact Valve's Special Envoy to Surprises, Doug Lombardi.

A VG247 source has claimed that Valveâs âsurpriseâ at E3 will be the unveiling of Source Engine 2.

The source, who wished to remain anonymous, said itâs possible Valve will be showing Half-Life 3 running on it â which would fit with the firmâs M.O. of showing Half-Life games on new versions of the code.

portal2 and steamworks on ps3. great news for ps3onlys. intrigued to see how steamworks will be implemented.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gabe Newell

"When the PlayStation 3 was introduced, I was the one of the platform's biggest critics," said Gabe Newell, president and co-founder of Valve. "However, Sony Computer Entertainment has proved that the PlayStation 3 is the most open platform of all the current generation consoles and has worked extremely hard to make the platform the most desirable for consumers and developers. As such, we are delighted to announce Portal 2 for the PlayStation 3 and believe the Steamworks support included will make it the best console version of the game."

the subsequent meltings are delicious*:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Son of GafZilla

Betrayalton.

This has killed any interest I had in the game. "Definitive experience"? Fuck you, Newell. Maybe I'll buy it when it's on sale for $4 on steam.

Quote:

Originally Posted by overgafsensitive

They cancelled their E3 show to hype everyone for a surprise that didn't have any application to them. Get this right, guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by steaming

Of course, I don't mean 'stunned' as in "Wow, that was so amazing that I am utterly speechless and I may have pooped myself a little"

I mean 'stunned' in the way you just found out someone brutally murdered your grandparents and made a suit of skin from their corpses.

That's how I feel about Portal 2 right now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by it's a conspiracy!

Is it just me, or did Mr. Newell not seem like he believed in what he was saying.
About the PS3. His speech didn't seem genuine, and was not enthusiastic. He said the PS3 version will be the best of all the consoles (because save files are kept with steam??).

1953 ï¿½ Aperture Science begins operations as a manufacturer of shower curtains. Early product line provides a very low-tech portal between the inside and outside of your shower. Very little science is actually involved. The name is chosen to make the curtains appear more hygienic.

1956 ï¿½ Eisenhower administration awards Aperture a contract to provide shower curtains to all branches of the military except the Navy.

1957 - 1973 ï¿½ Mostly shower curtains.

1974 ï¿½ Aperture Founder and CEO, Cave Johnson, is exposed to mercury while secretly developing a dangerous mercury-injected rubber sheeting from which he plans to manufacture seven deadly shower curtains to be given as gifts to each member of the House Naval Appropriations committee.

1976 ï¿½ Both of Cave Johnsonï¿½s kidneys fail. Brain damaged, dying, and incapable of being convinced that time is not now flowing backwards, Johnson lays out a three-tier R&D program. The results, he says, will ï¿½guarantee the continued success of Aperture Science far into the fast-approaching distant past.ï¿½

1. The Heimlich Counter-Maneuver ï¿½ A reliable technique for interrupting the life-saving Heimlich Maneuver.
2. The Take-A-Wish Foundation ï¿½ A charitable organization that will purchase wishes from the parents of terminally ill children and redistribute them to wish-deprived but otherwise healthy adults.
3. ï¿½Some kind of rip in the fabric of spaceï¿½that wouldï¿½well, itï¿½d be like, I donï¿½t know, something that would help with the shower curtains I guess. I havenï¿½t worked this idea out as much as the wish-taking one.ï¿½

1981 ï¿½ Diligent Aperture engineers complete the Heimlich Counter-Maneuver and Take-A-Wish Foundation initiatives. The company announces products related to the research in a lavish, televised ceremony. These products immediately become wildly unpopular. After a very public string of choking and despondent sick child disasters, senior company officials are summoned before a Senate investigative committee. During these proceedings, an engineer mentions that some progress has been made on "Tier 3", the ï¿½man-sized ad hoc quantum tunnel through physical space with possible applications as a shower curtain.ï¿½ The committee is quickly and permanently recessed, and Aperture is granted an open-ended contract to continue research on the ï¿½Portalï¿½ and "Heimlich Counter-Maneuver" projects in secret.

1981-1985 ï¿½ Work progresses on the ï¿½Portalï¿½ project. Several high ranking Fatah personnel choke to death on lamb chunks despite the intervention of their bodyguards.

1986 ï¿½ Word reaches Aperture management that another defense contractor called Black Mesa is working on a similar portal technology. In response to this news, Aperture begins developing the Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System (GLaDOS), an artificially intelligent research assistant and disk operating system.

1996 ï¿½ After a decade spent bringing the disk operating parts of GLaDOS to a state of more or less basic functionality, work begins on the Genetic Lifeform component.

1998 ï¿½ The untested AI is activated for the first time as one of the planned activities on Apertureï¿½s first annual bring-your-daughter-to-work day. In many ways, the initial test goes well: Within one picosecond of being switched on, GLaDOS becomes self-aware. The "going well" phase lasts for two more picoseconds, at which point GLaDOS takes control of the facility, locks everyone inside, and begins a permanent cycle of testing. Her goal: beat the hated Black Mesa in the race to develop a functioning portal technology. Days later, that race is lost when Black Mesa successfully deploys an interdimensional gate through which an alien race emerges and effectively ends the outside world.

(Contains no Portal 2 info, so it's safe to read if you're on a media ban. The source link isn't though. )