Welcome to Metropolitik, a new Metro feature designed to bring you, our busy reader, the most up-to-date, off-the-wall election coverage that no money can buy. In our march toward truth and accuracy in reporting, we reserve the right to smear, besmirch, mock, uplift and ultimately destroy any public personality in the U.S. political sphere. For complaints, suggestions and offers of male sexual enhancement, please e-mail brayden.simms@metro.us.

Nobody seems to like him much (aside from primary voters, clearly), but it’s become more and more apparent that Mitt Romney will likely be the Republican nominee for the 2012 presidency.

We know what you’re thinking: “But Ron Paul!”?And: “Shut up and let the voters decide!” And, if my gut is right on this, probably even:?“Nice glasses, hipster doofus.”

All reasonable points. But we’re not here to advocate for a particular candidate, or to sit back and allow the primary process to unfold naturally. Our job is to analyze goofs, gaffes and national trends; and, from where we’re sitting, there’s no goofier trend than America’s mysterious penchant for Mitt Romney.

So like him or not — and we do understand that it’s probably “not” — we’re going to be paying particularly close attention to the affable Mittens. Get excited.

15%

Multimillionaire Romney admitted at a campaign stop yesterday that his tax rate is somewhere around 15 percent — lower than most middle-class households. This is because a majority of Mitt’s income, like most rich folk, comes in the form of investments, which are taxed at lower rates than traditional income gained from actually, you know, going to work. At the debate Monday night, Romney also explained that “not very much”?of his annual income comes in the form of speaking fees. That “not very much” for 2011? Oh, just $374,000.