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The term nursery rhyme is used for "traditional" rap music that have been composed by various rappers and composed into a single library by none other than the famed Mother Goose. They all deal with the consumption of pot. The "Nursery" refers the camo plantation needed to grow dope. Even though these rhymes are sung to children on a regular basis, most people are unaware that these nursery rhymes carry some very interesting, often questionable, origins and moral lessons.

Georgie Porgie is a pretty risque song to sing to children, but it was based on a real character. Georgie Porgie was a pedophile who would touch girls and make them cry. When the "boys" came along . . . you can guess the rest.

Then, several years later, Georgie Porgie came out of the forest to kiss more little girls but then was later arrested for sexual harassment and is doing time in a 20 year sentence.

The origins to Hey Diddle Diddle began in a college fraternity, where a lot of drug abuse and heavy drinking were involved. Details about the night of the poem are sketchy, but one college student with a serious hangover found this rhyme scribbled on a piece of paper the next day, along with another popular tune of the same calibur:

Jack and Jill is a classic tale of using home remedies. This rhyme was first developed by the Amish with a simple lesson in mind: If your children believe that the only available treatment for a skull fracture is a vinegar and brown paper patch job, then they will be more likely to wear a bicycle helmet when they ride their bikes.

In the mid-1900s, the last stanza to the rhyme was stealthily dropped by the pharmaceutical industry to boost the sales of over-the-counter pain killers. Within the next twenty-five years, most people had forgotten that the second stanza to Jack and Jill had ever existed. The pharmaceutical companies did try, unsuccessfully, to re-write the final stanza to the rhyme:

Up Jack got

And home did trot

He did not stop, nor did he stall

He ran inside

And then applied

Some non-prescription Tylenol

Shortly after, Advil saw this as a direct attack on their own sales of non-pescription drugs and made their own stanza which is as follows:

Jack got up and cursed that whore

For making him fall like never before

He wanted something that could work, but surely not that wretched tylenol

So he darted home quick as a bee

Threw open a cabinet and hoped to see

He found some quick relief Advil, popped a few* and the pain did stall

Advil was later sued for this direct slander and was forced to forfeit selling Their products in New York, Virginia, and Georgia.

Jack and Jill were also a couple of teenage parents. Several diaries and written documents during were found and have been dated to be written after Jack and Jill's accident. Although the second stanza of the document was destroyed never to be read again.

The remains of the documents is as follows.

Jack and Jill went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water

We don't know what they did there

But now they have a daughter

Other evidence suggests that it was in fact a son jack & jill had, this is shown in the following variation of the rhyme

Jack & Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana

Jack got high, undid his fly & said "Jill you wanna?"

Jill said "yes" pulled up her dress & then they had some fun

Stupid Jill forgot the pill & now they have a son

The original medical report filed is as follows:

Two individuals proceeded towards the apex of a natural geologic protuberance, the purpose of their expedition being the procurement of a sample of fluid hydride of oxygen in a large vessel, the exact size of which was unspecified. One member of the team precipitously descended, sustaining severe damage to the upper cranial portion of his anatomical structure; subsequently the second member of the team performed a self-rotational translation oriented in the same direction taken by the first Team member.

Don't worry if you split your head open. You'll still be sane enough to run home and administer medical treatment.

Vinegar and brown paper can heal a head wound.

The pharmaceutical companies don't want you to know that.

Watch your step.

Do not trust Jill when fetching pails of water.

Jill is a whore who sells her self on the street, and the poem failed to mention his head was split open even though he tumbled down such a short hill,because he was susceptible to small injuries because he has syphilis and is HIV positive because of his dealings with Jill. We'd like to thank Advil for remembering that little tid-bit and reminding us of the irresponsible, sexually charged Jack for not asking his partner if he would retract any sexually transmitted diseases.

Jill was recently on VH1's behind the music as the number 1 groupie of all time, every frontman of every band throughout the 70's and 80's contributed their "time" in her sexual dealings on account of she's a, well, groupie.

please note**, the numbers after each partner's names were in fact, the number of times there was sexual relations between them.**also note**, that Freddie Mercury is only credited because he is a homosexual and gave her his AIDS.

Why is there so much knowledge and ridicule of Jill?, I'll tell you, sexually active teens are a frightening statistic in the U.S., and sexually transmitted diseases are very serious issues, and the purpose of the jack and jill nursery rhyme is to ensure teens that they won't grow up any faster or have more fun if they don't wait until marriage. **Thanks again Advil**

Before Smokey the Bear became the official mascot for the United States Forest Service in 1944, the phrase, "Only you can prevent forest fires," was originally written as an ending to this four-stanza rhyme. When Smokey was recruited as the USFS mascot, the short poem was immediately dropped from the public service announcements; but the rhyme was so popular with parents that it almost immediately found its way into the expansive collection of Mother Goose.

The last two stanzas to the rhyme have been dropped from use over time. The following is the original ending to Jack Be Nimble:

Actually, the origins to Little Miss Muffet are as of yet unknown. One set of people claim that Little Miss Muffet must have been a poor child or an orphan, considering her lowly meal of choice. Another set of people claim that Miss Muffet could not have been an orphan, as she probably would not have been so frightened by a spider, considering her poor conditions. Yet another set of people claim that the rhyme was originally entitled Little Miss Muppet and was created as a skit for Miss Piggy on the original Muppet Show. And the final set of people just wonder why Miss Muffet didn't squash the sucker to put it out of its misery.

As to the words "tuffet," "curds," and "whey," some literary masters claim that "tuffet" is another word for ass and "curds and whey" is an old term for cottage cheese. Still other schools of thought believe that someone just made up those words to make sure that the poem rhymed.

Actually, curds and whey are created when enzymes react to powdered milk and water and create a type of really gross cottage cheese.

Which is way different to regular cottage cheese which is much better.

This famous children's rhyme was inspired by a woman's alleged double murder of her father and stepmother. While this does not appear to be suitable for a children's rhyme (due to the fact it may put dangerous ideas into kid's heads) it has still been passed along for generations. However, a few verses have been lost along the way (mainly because they were redundant and repetitive not to mention unnecessary).

At a certain point, it isn't necessary to have sources support your claims. For example, although the 5th verse suggests Lizzie sent spam mail, this is most likely just a slanderous and unbased comment to make people dislike her more.

After a while, you run out of ways to kill.

Children's literature is creepy and macabre.

Lypo-sucking your father is really nasty and uncalled for.

Actually Lypo-sucking your dad is not cruel, mean, or deadly at all, it is actually quite nice if your father is very obese and needs some type of surgerey, and this misconception was not reconciled until 1989.

The origins of this fun little tune are simple enough. Mary Had a Little Lamb simply began as a story of a show-and-tell session at an early grade school. The story was penned by the Brotherhood of Anonymous in 1870 and instantly published by Mother Goose in her then-latest book, Parents are from Mars, Children are from Nowhere: Special Illustrated Abridged 2nd Edition. But despite the instant popularity of the simple tale, the controversy that the rhyme caused is very complex.

Many parents over the years have been up in arms over the third stanza, "It followed her to school one day, which was against the rules." They argued that this rhyme promoted rebellion and disobedience in young children, especially because Mary was never punished for breaking the rules. The parents proposed a fifth and sixth stanza to the rhyme, but Mother Goose refused to publish them:

The teacher saw the lamb that day,

Her anger quickly swelled

She swiftly sent the lamb away,

And Mary was expelled

This event made Mary mad

She knew that she was good, not bad

She took her father's axe that day

And killed the teacher's pet, hooray.

Then, in 1946, a small organization was formed: Parents Against Naughty Songs (PANS). PANS filed suit against Mother Goose for demoralizing the nation's children. Mother Goose brought in the ACLU to defend her nursery rhymes, and the case of "Parents Against Naughty Songs v. Mother Goose" was taken all the way to the United States Supreme Court, before being tossed aside due to a technicality. The suit was soon forgotten, and the organization of PANS soon crumbled, much to the delight of other parents who referred to the former PANS members as POTS (Parents Other Than Sane).

There are actually several more stanzas to this rhyme, but this is often the only stanza sung to children. Parents choose to exclude the future stanzas because they include references to smoking, death, undertakers, ghosts, and income tax collectors.

This rhyme was originally created by the administration of President Franklin Roosevelt to stress the importance of social security for the elderly. The song was used extensively in Democratic advertising campaigns until Jimmy Carter pointed out the absurdity of using a childish rhyme in a political campaign, and the song was left to Mother Goose to publish with the other nursery rhymes. Several years later, Al Gore tried to revive the song in his own Presidential campaign when he claimed, "I invented Old Mother Hubbard."

This alternative version is believed to have been created by Hillary Rotten Clinton during one of her famous coke binges her freshman year in college. Some say that Hillary wrote this to convey her long held love of beastiality.

the serious answer is that it's a reference to the treatment for syphilis that endured for hundreds of years: you sat in a tub in a room as hot as a sauna and were rubbed with an ointment of mercury. Nice!

If you think this is a "cute" or "fun" rhyme to tell your child, beware the struggle for homsexual and heterosexual co-existence in your home, even though you asked for it.

I've learnt that i like to see 3 men in a tub

the serious answer is that it's a reference to the treatment for syphilis that endured for hundreds of years: you sat in a tub in a room as hot as a sauna and were rubbed with an ointment of mercury. Nice!

This nursery rhyme is one that is exceptionally insensitive and gory for small children to hear, which makes it all the more strange that Three Blind Mice made it into Mother Goose's nursery rhyme collection. For one thing, the song makes fun of a serious medical condition. For another thing, the rhyme talkes about chopping animals' tails off. The song is shockingly gruesome.

Perhaps the rhyme was written in the dark ages when it was customary to chop people's heads of if they sneezed in the wrong direction. But in today's sensitive, politically correct society, the song is incredibly close to being renamed, "Three Visually Impaired Mice." Political activists have compromised that they will allow the line about the carving knife to be kept in the rhyme as long as another line is added to describe the farmer's wife being thrown into prison for hate crimes.

The current version of the proposed new rhyme are as follows:

Three rodents with defective vision

Three rodents with defective vision

Observe their rate of motion

Observe their rate of motion

The trio pursued an agriculturist's spouse

Who severed their spinal extremeties using a common kitchen utensil

Have you ever observed such a phenomenon in the span of your existence

Contrary to popular belief, this is not a nursery rhyme telling the story of Guy Fawkes and his attempt to destroy The Houses of Parliament. The so-called "gunpowder treason" is referring to the infamous "Wow we're really drunk we should see who can hold a firework in their mouth the longest" contest held between Bill Gates and William Shakespeare. Bill won, but it was later discovered
that his firework had been emptied of gunpowder. Enraged at his treachery, Shakespeare got back the only way he knew how: by making Gates the central antagonist of a 10-hour long play. Unfortunately for him, Shakespeare had previously used a ghostwriter, and he himself was terrible at writing. As soon as the populace realized this, Shakespeare's credibility was ruined. And it is no coincidence that November 5th is the anniversary of the day Bill Gates ascended to corporate Godliness. Out of work, Shakespeare was forced, by Gates, to write the rhyme, to immortalize Gate's (illegitimate) victory over him, as he would otherwise go to debtor's prison. This led to his committing suicide.