Say what you are

In 2005, when I first started running, I was too embarrassed to call myself a runner. I believed that there was some mythical point I had to reach- a certain number of miles logged or races run or a half marathon time to beat- before I became a real runner.

I worried that if I said I was a runner people would think to themselves she sure doesn’t look like a runner or who does this girl think she’s fooling? Even after I’d run so many races that bibs filled my bulletin board in layers and medals hung from all available doorknobs, I still blushed when people asked what I did in my free time. I didn’t think myself worthy of the title runner.

I was a runner, of course, even back then. Because you are what you repeatedly do.

I know now that no one really cared whether I was a runner, not because they didn’t care about me, but because it’s no big deal if I’m a runner or a baker or a roller derby queen. Regardless, I really, really wanted to be a runner so it mattered to me that others accepted and embraced what I claimed as my own.

It seems silly now that I worried about that kind of thing, but the truth is that I still worry about that kind of thing. Now, the title I feel unworthy of embracing is writer. In place of my runner fears, I now worry that people will read what I write and think: She’s not a good writer. She’ll never make a living writing crap like that! Who does this girl think she’s fooling?

My first check as a paid writer, April 2010

Logically, I know it is futile to care about how I’m perceived. I can’t control how others think; I can only be who I am. Yet, how do I stop myself from caring about something that matters so much to me?

I find myself chasing that mythical badge of worthiness again- unable to stop myself from thinking that if I just log a specific number of hours writing each day, or earn a certain income off my blog, or finish a novel (or start one, for that matter) that then I will be a writer.

And yet, I am a writer, aren’t I? In much the same way that I became a runner by continuously lacing up my shoes and hitting the track, I am a writer because I sit down, even when I can’t bear to do it, and follow that little tug inside that asks to be explored, knead it until it rises to life on paper. You are what you repeatedly do.

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Last summer I ordered business cards and on them I printed: Kim Dinan, Writer. Just using that word to define myself gives me a thrill. I am a writer and because I’m a writer I make space in my life for this thing that matters so much to me.

I have learned the power of saying what you are- even if you don’t feel worthy of the title. Runner. Writer. Scholar. Piano Player. Naturalist. Artist. What is it that you do? What is it you love to do? That is what you are.

I felt the exact same way when I started running! Even after 5 marathons, I feel weird calling myself a “marathoner.”

But you’re right, we are what we repeatedly do. And, when it comes to advancing yourself in a profession, I think you need to put yourself out there how you want to be seen – if you want to be a writer, you need to call yourself a writer.

Oh how I can relate…I write a travel blog, but I have a hard time calling myself a travel blogger or travel writer. Not sure if I’ll ever get there and feel like a “real” travel blogger, but I’ll keep trying…

You are not just a writer, you are a fantastic writer. The way you describe things creates a visual, and you have a unique way of evoking emotions in your reader(s). But you don’t need anyone’s approval. I think you’re right – as long as you’re doing what you love to do and it makes you happy to do it, you shouldn’t care what other people think. Even though that’s hard, and everyone needs and/or seeks validation.

And if you ever do come across any “haters”, I would disregard such noise. Chew and swallow your own and others’ constructive criticisms, and spit out the other crap.

Ellen said on her show the other day that the “haters are motivators”. I like that.
Even if you’re your own “hater”, I think that just proves that you’re self aware and that you really care about what you do.

I had this exact.same.thought this weekend. I always have trouble with that title, runner. I say that I’m going for a run fairly often, but define myself as a runner? Hardly.

I think I’ll always have those little voices telling me I’m not good enough or can’t possibly be what I want to be. The difference will be whether I choose to let those voices be right or I keep doing what makes me happy.

I just read your post while sitting at my desk at work–where I’m supposed to be writing. I smile to myself because my title reads, “Content Creation Specialist”. I think, “Why can’t they just call me a ….(no, I’m not). I was up until midnight last night working on a blog post. “This is awful. I need to be more disciplined. Am I using the right preposition here? Ugh, I’ll never be a REAL writer.”

I feel the exact same way when I tell people about my blog! I worry that they will notice that I have so many twitter followers or so many comments on each post. Then I wonder when I started caring about these things – when did this start defining what makes a travel writer?

Hello! It does not define (or, it should not. Or, I mean, I hope it doesn’t)!! I really try not to pay attention to that stuff. I know it’s impossible to ignore it completely but nothing good can come of comparing your stats to other people’s stats, you know? (Also, do as I say and not as I do)

There are few writers that have me impatiently waiting for their next literary offering. Alice Walker is one of them… another is Paulo Coelho… and another one is you Kim Dinan. You are a beautiful writer, one whose words I devour with glee every time you publish a new post. I always read them more than once, and take from your writing endless amounts of inspiration and joy. It is also through your written words that we have become friends, without ever having actually met. You words hold magic my friend, and I treasure every one of them xxx

Wow Kim! You continue to inspire me in so many ways. Thank you for being totally honest and being who you are. I think that’s why you are so easy to relate to, for me anyways. I think you are an amazing writer and I’m so glad I get to follow you on this amazing journey!

Totally get it (I still have a hard time doing it to) but as you know, you SHOULD. You definitely have a knack for connecting with your audience, and that is a rare gift.

(One tip, be prepared at border crossings to answer a lot of questions when you say you are a writer. At least we have had issues in Europe, I think they all think I want to come and take over their newspapers or something. Silly customs.)

Dalene, wow! I’m honestly surprised they give you a hard time about it. So, you tell them you are a writer and not just a traveler? Or do you say, “hello, I am Dalene, come from the icy land of Canada to usurp your newspapers and magazines?”

I know just what you mean. I love cycling, but I see all these men in Lycra shooting past me up Italian hills on their mega-bucks racing bikes and I think “I will never be a cyclist” – even though I would never want to be a racing bike kind of cyclist. It’s all in the mind …

Kim, this really struck a cord with me because I’ve often felt the same way. I began running in 2010 and even though I was going to the gym 3x week, I felt like I had to have special running clothes for others to accept me as a runner. I know that’s silly now, and I can dress however I like just as long as I put in the miles. I think it works the same way vice versa – you can’t say that you are X if you never do it, but only wish you could do it. You’re not a bungee jumper until you finally take the plunge.

The picture of your first check as a writer, and then ordering the business cards, sounds so empowering! Fantastic post

Great post! I have a quote from my son that he wrote at age 5. He was asked “What does learning mean to you?” and replied, very wisely I might add, “What you are writing is what you are learning about.”

I wanted to be a writer when I was in high school, but I couldn’t ever picture myself writing a whole book. It turns out that blog writing is a great happy medium for my life…although I have a feeling that once my kids are grown a book will emerge…

Indeed. Becoming a global citizen was much like that for me. It wasn’t until I looked back and realized that not only have I have traveled, I’ve traveled more than most people on this planet. Still hard to believe, but alas, it is a large part of who I am. I’m working on the running part too!

I have trouble with this too. Not the “runner” thing, totally not me, but other things. “Writer” is tough, but somehow I’m fine with saying I’m a blogger. Lots of other things like that. Like somehow I’m not good enough or qualified enough for certain titles. It all boils down to confidence, having the confidence to just BE.

I am in my final semester of University and I find that a lot of us majoring in creative writing are hesitant to call ourselves writers because we are trying to figure out what kind of writing we want to focus on, even though all of us have been published (perhaps without pay).

Except me! I have spent most of my four and a half years of school writing countless poems, short stories, 1/2 a novel, 1 chapbook and a couple short plays. And now a blog for 1 year to add to this list where I am a foodie and traveler and even a novice photographer! But my favourite claim… I am a writer!

Hi Kim,
i came across your blog when i googling “my dream is to travel and write”, and i absolutely love your writing ..i have this burning desire to travel through my country INDIA as well as other fascinating countries like Vietnam and France.And i know i will do it. you inspire me not loose sight of my dream which is to travel, travel and more travel:-):-)..i m so thankful that i came across your blog..thanks a lot kim:-):-):-)

I know you will do it too. Just the fact that you are googling and researching how to make it happen shows me that it will happen for you. Best of luck to you and please let me know if I can lend any advice.