My friend sent me a song over messenger, Beautiful Things by Gungor. Before listening to it, I initially thought that it was about the popular Bible verse, Ecclesiastes 3:11 where the writer goes, “He (God) has made all things beautiful in His time…”

It was essentially about that. To make it easier to picture or understand, some of the lyrics of the song go like this:

“You (God) make beautiful thingsYou make beautiful things out of the dustYou make beautiful thingsYou make beautiful things out of us”

And I have been thinking about this song for about a week or so, and I’ve been singing it in my head for so many days already. I also started to think that I wanted to write about this because God indeed makes beautiful things. I was waiting for the right moment to feel so inspired so I could just write nonstop. But on the day I thought I was ready, I was caught off-guard by things that made me sad. And the morning after that day, which was awhile ago, I just felt so sad. My heart felt so heavy. What then is so beautiful right now? I had ugly thoughts in my head like, “I feel like I don’t even belong anywhere,” and “I don’t even know where I’m going,” and also, “Things are just not making any sense right now.”

These thoughts are actually really surprising, even to me, because I thought that I have moved on from those things and those doubts. I was singing No Longer Slaves at church yesterday and was feeling really encouraged. But wait, no, because life would tell me, “Here’s reality. You have no assurance. There’s actually no reason for you to be confident or happy.”

Okay.

But what’s really funny is that the song my friend ate Jaja sent me, Beautiful Things, also had the same thoughts I did. Here are more of the lyrics,

“All this painI wonder if I’ll ever find my wayI wonder if my life could really change at allAll this earthCould all that is lost ever be foundCould a garden come up from this ground at all?”

And then I realized the true essence of these words. He makes beautiful things out of the dust. I am the dust. I am this being who had nothing and who was no one. . .but He has made and He is making me beautiful.

I know it’s like really so so simple to say He makes all things beautiful – like it’s something that would happen instantly – but it’s not. You see, how can we really have hope when there’s nothing we can hold on to? How can we really be strong against our doubts if we have all these factors that just prove the doubts right? How can things really be beautiful? How can my life really be beautiful? It’s not easy to believe it at all. It’s so easy to say, and some days it’s even so easy to believe it, but not everyday.

But now I see it, like how I’ve seen it before, because over the course of my life, He has also worked through hurtful ways. He has given me sad days, and He has given me ugly days. I see how He’s using these things to make me His new creation. New and beautiful.

It’s like making pottery where His hands are molding me, and I am spinning and spinning, and His hands are being placed on all parts of my life with nothing to spare. It’s like sculpture where He is chipping off all the ugly parts of my life, as Pastor Jon Mroos of Bethel Christian Church puts it. It’s like perfecting a skill where it’s all practice and studying, and it’s hard, but the end result is so worth it. What He’s making out of me is so worth it.

It’s when you fail an exam, but you find that you can try again. It’s when relationships get ugly, but it leads to reconciliation and stronger understanding, or open doors. It’s when you are at a dead end, but you see that there’s a new start somewhere else. It’s when death puts an end to the pain of someone. It’s the tears of pain, and then the hug of someone who cares. It’s when you try and try at something, and then eventually become better at it. It’s the joy of the morning after the pain of the night. And finally, it’s because He is using all the pain and all the trials to make me better and to make me trust Him and His process completely.

So I’m gonna say that life is beautiful and it will be more beautiful. Every day, His child – His masterpiece – is getting closer to being finished, and I know it’s going to be beautiful.

Hi guys! I’ve been out way too long and I wanted to go back to blogging. I was deciding on which site I should blog on – Tumblr or WordPress? I’m still not decided until now. I’m so confused! But I’ll decide on that another time. I just really want to write something now.

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B.S. Pharmacy has always been challenging for me. I was always on the brink of not passing a major subject but God has always given me His grace. This April was the most difficult one for me. Our finals, modulary and mockboard exams were all happening at the same time. And during this month, my Lola was suffering from stomach cancer, my brother was fighting his anal fistula and my grades were nowhere near enough. I know I was not the only one who was broken during this whole experience but I really felt crushed and depressed.