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I know it is not my place to comment on your poetry but I liked it so much and enjoyed it such that I felt inspired to render my own similar version based on it. The image and emtions created by your writing were most strong and to me gave a sense of lost glory and I could not but help to write something based on it. I apologize most humbly for intruding upon your domain.

Do the old gods walk these ancient halls?
Or are they spared sorrow by an age-long slumber?
Do they sense the forlorn reach of the crumbling walls?
Or mourn the dust-choked fountains encased with umber?

Where once twenty virgins filled the queen's own bath
with sounds of joy, steaming mineral waters,and exotic oils
Now crawl lizards, crushed marble symbol of their? wrath
With ivory tubs but rubbled pits where the vipers coil

Once did intricately slender pillars hold the temple roof in grandeur
While priests passed below with measured pace, faces lost in bliss
Now worn columns reach forlornly up, faded with sense of lost wonder
Beneath the wheeling stars of the great expanse, Paradise turns abyss