A small zoo in Capon Bridge, West Virginia obtained a very rare species ofgorilla.

Within a few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very difficult to handle.Upon examination, the veterinarian determined the problem.The gorilla was in heat.

To make matters worse, there was no male gorilla available.

Thinking about their problem, the Zoo Keeper thought of Elmer Lee Spitler, aredneck part-time worker responsible for cleaning the animal cages. Elmer Lee, like most local rednecks, had little sense but possessed ample ability tosatisfy a female of any species.

The Zoo Keeper thought they might have a solution so he approached Elmer Lee with a proposition. Would he be willing to mate with the gorilla for $500.00?

Elmer Lee showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, but only under these five conditions: