In her most revealing interview yet, Jada Pinkett Smith opens up about Will, her family, and the real reason she quit her band.PLUS: Check out Jada's private family photo album!

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Imagine, for a moment, what would be scribbled on a dry-erase calendar in the Pinkett-Smith kitchen: Drive Jaden to Grammy rehearsal. Take Willow to meet the Biebs to go over her opening act for his tour. Playdate with Prince, Blanket, and Paris [Jackson]. Easter with the Obamas.

Impressive stuff, and what Jada doesn't even have time to write down is: Executive-produce and star in TNT's HawthoRNe, which follows an embattled chief nurse on her rounds. It's the last day of production on the show before a holiday weekend, and a devoted team of production assistants — PAs, in set-speak — are hanging around a craft table on the set, chatting. I'm sitting in the midst of the hubbub, waiting for the 39-year-old star to appear for our interview. Finally I notice that she's already here, sprawled out on two folding chairs, a makeup-less, pint-size person lost in an oversize gray sweat suit whom I'd mistaken for yet another PA. Minus the glow of the spotlight, Jada looks innocent and vulnerable — more like Willow's older sister than a Hollywood matriarch. (She's so petite, in fact, that during our conversation later, I can't help but ask her what she subsists on. She explains that, for her, food is fuel, not pleasure, so she basically lives on muesli, yams, salmon, kale, and salads. She bakes, too, but only for Will and the kids.) She smiles warmly when I walk over, and laughs when I explain my mistake. But once she starts philosophizing about her roles as a wife, mother, and actress, and the "sacred sacrifices" she's made, her laid-backness vanishes.

The woman at the helm of her own mini entertainment empire shares the ups and downs of keeping one of the world's most famous families in line, on track, and, most of all, happy. Listen in:

REDBOOK: You have literally done it all — write, produce, act, direct. You're an author, a musician, a humanitarian, and, of course, a wife and mom. What's been the price for doing all of this?

JPS: [Laughing] That's the age-old question, isn't it? I'm actually trying to decide right now what it is I'm going to master. And although I wouldn't say I've mastered it, the one thing I've been completely focused on lately is family — my kids and the love of my husband.

RB: How did you get to this point, where you decided that family was the number-one priority?

JPS: I had to make choices. Believe me, I would still be on the road with my band, Wicked Wisdom, and making as many movies as I can a year, and doing all sorts of other things if I didn't have the responsibility of a family. But I have children with their own talents and dreams, and I know I have to be standing next to them for that journey.

RB: Was that a difficult choice?

JPS: It was excruciating, completely excruciating. When Jaden was auditioning for The Pursuit of Happyness, my band had just gotten an offer to open for Guns N' Roses in Europe. For me, that was unbelievable. But the choice was: I could be a rock star, or I could be on the set with my son to make sure he was healthy and happy. We all know how that story ended!

RB: Any regrets?

JPS: What you're willing to sacrifice is the measurement of how you love — at least it is for me. The Guns N' Roses offer was a dream come true. But the love of my son is so much more precious. At the end of the day, when I'm old and gray and no one really cares [about me] anymore, I'll still have my children to worry about, and that's what it's all about, right?

RB: Do you ever feel resentful that you had to make the sacrifice? Not Will, or even your kids?

JPS: No, I've never felt any resentment toward Will or my kids. Let me be clear, I don't think women have to make a sacrifice. They have a choice — always. But here's the deal: You ask yourself, What can you live with? And for me, that question was easy to answer. But good mothers make all kinds of choices. Making a decision that might sound selfish does not make a woman a bad mother. Jaden will often tell me, "Mom, you can still do your music; we could get back out there." They were on the road with me when the band was touring, and they loved every minute. And I truly believe that when they grow up and think about the best times we had, it will include our times on the bus together.

RB: So Willow and Jaden understand the sacrifice you made?

JPS: Yes. I never believed that I could have these two human beings who love me so much. My mother was much more like a sister to me because she had me so young; she was 17. So I could never have imagined the connection I'd have with my own children one day. They have taught me so much about what love and commitment really mean [tearing up]. And both my kids have made tremendous sacrifices for me as well, to let me do the things I've done. Now it's their turn, and I'm rolling with them!

RB: Jaden's 12, Willow's 10. Have your kids had to sacrifice some of their innocence as their careers have started to blow up?

JPS: The innocence is still there. We deal with self-love and body issues with Willow, for example. I still deal with confidence issues with Jaden in terms of his moving to the next level in acting, music, or martial arts. And there's nothing Willow loves more than shopping at Staples, Target, and Barnes & Noble. Yesterday she asked me to take her to Staples so she could buy some notebooks and colored pens, because she loves to journal.

RB: When Will is away, does that throw off the family dynamic?

JPS: [Laughing] Will and I have made ourselves strong anchors in the family, and as long as one of us is there, the family stays intact. But it can really throw off the partner dynamic — so we fix that as soon as he's home!

RB: How do you enforce things like bedtimes when your kids have been exposed to all that they have? Do they have curfews yet?

JPS: Hell, yeah, I enforce curfews and bedtimes, and there are consequences for bad behavior. Our son Trey just turned 18, and we [finally] lifted his curfew. Will wanted to keep it, but I said to him, "Will, he's basically an adult now."

RB: Do you ground your kids if they break your rules?

JPS: If Willow does something wrong — like if she's on the phone past 10 and she knows she's not supposed to be — I will ask her, "How are you going to make it right?" And she'll say, "Oh, Mommy, I think I shouldn't be allowed to talk on the phone for a week." I tell both Willow and Jaden, "People make mistakes, and that's okay, but what can you do to make it right?"

RB: When people comment on the way you raise your kids — or, as some have suggested, "exploit" them — does that piss you off?

JPS: I understand it. They're looking at something from the outside that seems so enormous and dangerous. I have my moments where I get more frustrated than upset. But I also know that our reality is one that most people don't share and can't imagine, and there's no fault in that. And if anything happens to my children, I give all those people out there judging me the right to burn me at the stake. Go for it, because I'll deserve it!

RB: Have you ever explained to Jaden and Willow that life as they know it is not typical for most kids their age?

JPS: Let me tell you what I fear most: Them growing up like I did, in a house with drugs in a war zone, where if I walked out my door I could be shot. Hollywood ain't nothing compared to that! Growing up in the streets of Baltimore, or the streets of Philly where Will grew up — I'd rather have my kids here. It still makes me nervous that they're part of something that isn't totally real, but it's up to Will and me to teach them what's real and what's not.

RB: What happens when you and Will disagree about something regarding the kids? Who wins?

JPS: We're pretty much in sync when it comes to discipline. Our disagreements are more likely to be about Trey. I'm more lenient with him than with anybody else in our family because technically I'm his stepparent, and I feel my job is to just love him, and I don't want him to ever question that. The other time Will and I disagree might be because we have slightly different philosophies on how to be with the kids when they're working. For me, they are still children, and when they're tired, it's time for them to take a break or call it a day. And Will will say, "Jada, don't have the boy stop now. We only have one more hour." Then I'm like, "Will, he's 10 and we're in China [where The Karate Kid was filmed], and he's working 500 hours a day, and his day is done." There's only a certain amount of stretching a mother will take. I'm fierce, and when I say it's over, it's over. [That shoot] was a tough time for us, but we gained real understanding from it.

RB: When you start to doubt yourself, how do you jump-start your self-confidence?

JPS: What is the first thing you say to yourself when you wake up in the morning and look in the mirror? Is it, "Oh, man, I look tired?" Or is it, "You know what? Maybe I'm getting these wrinkles all over my face, but I'll be god-damned if I'm not a bad chick!" Women need to attack those negative voices they have in their head.

JPS: I used to believe I wasn't pretty, because growing up, I was never told that I was. Actually, it was Tom Cruise who taught me how to get rid of those doubts. He said, "Every time I compliment you, you always reject it. You need to stop doing that. Just say, 'Thank you.'" So I've learned to accept a compliment.

RB: You are notoriously upbeat. How is it that you can always turn a negative into a positive?

JPS: I've been through a lot of pain, and that is not how I want to live my life. I went through a time where there were lots of drugs and alcohol, and really, I was on the brink of death. And then Will scooped me up, brushed me off, and said, "There's a diamond somewhere under here." [Jada and Will met in the '90s when she auditioned for a part on his hit show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.] I always knew there was something better for me out there, but the question was, did I want to take the journey to get to it? When Will came along, I had a reason.

RB: That theme of fighting through personal pain is a big part of the new season of HawthoRNe, is that right?

JPS: This year, [my character] Christina hits rock bottom. Some fans will love it, others won't, but this is the show I want to make. [Executive producer] John Tinker, Will, my brother, and I crafted every single episode, and for me, it's now a more relevant show.

RB: You always come off so reasonable and rational. But don't you ever get mad and just want to tell someone to f--- off?

JPS: [Laughing] Hell, yes! I get pissed off all the time, but I know cussing someone out is not going to make things better, even though I might want to do it. Sometimes when I'm upset with the kids, I'll call Will and go, "I can't believe Willow did this or that," and I'll get it all out, so by the time I talk to Willow, I'm in a more sensible place. Will probably gets the worst of it because he can handle it.

RB: What's something every woman should do for herself?

JPS: I wish I knew. I can tell you what this woman needs to do. Even if it's just 30 minutes a day, or on the weekend, I tell my kids, "I will be nowhere to be found because I need some Mommy time." Do whatever rejuvenates you. It might be a cooking class, cocktails with the girls, or just private time with the hubby. We all have our moments where we run out of steam because we've given everything we've got to everyone else. Whoever decided that was a good thing? It's not. Everyone needs to refuel. R