Nigerian
top Matchmaker, Lara Kudayisi shocked many over the weekend when she
stepped on stage at a self-development, conference in Lagos and told the
audience that during her teenage years she had a child, got 14
heartbreaks from different men and worst still,she had 15 whopping
abortions!

Although many were shocked, it wasn’t the first time the lady has to“Yes, you heard me right. I have said it times without number and
I will continue to say it. Child at 19, 14 heartbreaks and 15
abortions. It is my story and my experience. I own my experience. You
must own your experience and be self-aware.”
According to Lara who is now married to the love of her life and now
uses her past as a drive to inspire other women, when she first made the
confession on Facebook years back,some of her followers were shocked
but as time went people began understanding her viewpoints and infact,
she now gets paid by people who wants to learn from her experience.
Better known by the monicker, “The Match-making Mistress”, Lara who
spoke at the My Double Double Conference organised by renowned
self-development expert, Paul Kayode Josh, at Muson Center Lagos,made it
clear that her mission is to inspire everyone to achieving theio
inspire everyone to achieving their life purposes no matter what
mistakes they might have made in life.
……Even her Instagram bio proudly says it all!
We have stumbled on one of her Interview with Porscheclassy.com.. Read below;1. Did anything in your childhood contribute to what you do now?
Yeah, I was always reading mills and boom novels, Thrills and Boom,
Hearts, Hints and I loved romantic movies. In my secondary school days, I
was always asking people how they would spend their valentine or what
they would look out for in choosing a spouse when they are ready. I was
this love struck child who loved Happily Ever After stories until that
was shattered at 19 when I got pregnant in my second year in the
polytechnic.2. Tell us more about yourself?
My name is Lara Kudayisi-Emeralds. I am the Matchmaking Mistress. I
help singles attract their dream partners and walk down the aisle in the
shortest time possible. I am also the founder of The Complete Singles
Club, an almost 4,000 member club. I am married with 2 kids.3. You are virtually Nigeria’s queen of Match-making, how have u been to achieve this feat?
Well, I decided to bridge a gap in my industry; the Relationship and
Marriage Industry. I have been a relationship coach for over four years
and from coaching my clients, I realized that there is a need that
nobody is meeting in that space, and I decided to bridge that gap and
since then It’s been great.4. What led you into becoming a relationship coach?
I decided to become a relationship coach because I wanted to prevent
people from going through what I went through. I had a child at 19, 14
heartbreaks and 15 abortions before I got married. For a very long time
when I was dating, I was just groping in the dark or doing trial and
error like so many people do today. I had no adequate knowledge of what
was required to attract your dream partner or run a successful
relationship, hence my many relationships and heartbreaks. Thank God
that I realized my my mistakes of how I was emotionally broken which was
why I kept attracting broken people just like me who eventually break
my heart. I got fixed and everything turned around for me emotionally. I
wanted to help people get adequate knowledge and help them live happily
Ever After. This is what gave birth to starting a club; The Complete
Singles Club.5. Since you started your career , how has the reception been?
Well, Nigerians are very skeptical when it comes to sharing their
problems with strangers irrespective of what title you have. So, people
signing up for counselling or Relationship Coaching is still relatively
low. Same with Professional Matchmaking. People’s Orientation of
Matchmaking is the old school way of when a concerned family member
forces someone down your throat and expect you to get married to them
because both of you are single. Professional Matchmaking is totally
different. It involves the Matchmaker matching you with someone whom
they have run some tests on and they are convinced that they are a great
match for you based on professional parameters.6. Was there ever a time you felt like giving up
Oh yes, just like every other business around. There are times when
you feel like throwing in towel because things are not panning out like
you wish, however that could be the teething stage.
When I first started, it took a while trying to convince people that
this was okay to venture into without any side effects. So many people
are finding it hard to accept Relationship Coaching or Matchmaking
because of so many mind barriers. But since I know that for a new
venture to thrive, you have to create awareness first in order to
educate people about it. I write different articles on my blog and in
different platforms sensitizing as many people as I can reach to educate
them on the benefits of Professional Matchmaking and trust me the
response has greatly improved.7. What is the greatest reward you have ever gotten for what you do?
I am rewarded when people find happiness with my coaching and help. A
lot of us are the architect of our problems. For instance for a Single
person to live a fulfilling life and find true love, you need to 1) Have
great self confidence 2) Pursue a passion 3) Be Emotionally Whole
4)Connect Effectively with others.
So many people have self confidence issues and this affects the way
they live their lives and the way other people including the opposite
sex percieve them. Meanwhile, some people’s self confidence have been
damaged in their childhood or growing up years.
Secondly is Pursuing a Passion. A lot of people do not know that
doing what you love greatly has everything to do with living a fulfilled
life and even attracting the love of your life. When you are doing your
passion, you are happier, you are more receptive to people and trust me
happiness is contagious. People would want to be a part of your life
unlike when you are frustrated on your job or unfulfilled. You are prone
to depression, frustration or bitterness. These negative emotions
weighs you down and repel people from you.
Thirdly, Emotional Wholeness is almost everything if not all. This is
the reason why lots of single people have issues in relationships.
Like I said earlier, lots of people were damaged from childhood. Any
child that has been raped, molested, abused and all have a greater
chances of having emotional troubles if they are not treated properly.
Same for children who lost their parents early or children that were
verbally or emotional abused or even bullied when they were young. This
tend to cause a lot of issues that springs up later in their adult
years. It causes lot of giant issues like insecurity, emptiness,
inability to accept love, trust issues and so many bigger issues.
So when they are in relationships, all these show up and they keep
having broken relationships and most times they blame the other party
not knowing that they are the real problem.
Finally, Connecting Effectively with Others is key in the whole
equation of living happily ever after. People need to learn basic skills
or connection like friendliness, effective communication, mutual
respect and so on. When you have great self confidence, pursue a deep
passion and become emotionally whole, then connecting effectively
becomes easier. By then you don’t read meanings to what people say or do
and you can give your all to someone without looking over your
shoulders.8. What are some of the challenges you’ve faced in your line of work so far?
People wanting to skip the process of treating their issues before
being matchmade. I don’t just hook people up, I make sure I run sessions
with you to ascertain potential issues that may give you problem in
your relationship or marriage. I like to treat that before I can
introduce you to someone, but people want to skip that process and just
get introduced to someone which might eventually cause them to go back
to square one of being alone.

The
truth is if you you don’t deal with your previous baggage, it would
definitely affect the relationship that you are about to get into. I
always have to convince people on the need to trust the process and
follow through.9. As a relationship coach, what’s your take on Toke Makinwa’s new book and her tell-it-all about her ex-hubby ?
Toke poured out her heart in the book and spilled so many private
issues concerning her life and marriage. It’s not our culture here so I
understand people’s outrage on it. However, I’d like for us to look
beyond that and see a little girl that lost her parents at a tender age.
That is the beginning of all her issues and until she gets help to
successfully deal with that truama, she might likely repeat all her
mistakes all over again.
Like she admitted in the book, she has daddy issues and she is
looking for her daddy in a man who cannot fill that void. Someone needs
to read that book and truly understand what she is not saying before you
comment or conclude on your summation.10. What makes you unique in your field ?
What makes me unique is that I don’t fix the symptoms of an issue, I
deal with it from the root. Apart from being a relationship coach, I am
also a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist with training in Neuro Linguistic
Programming .I don’t just give you what to do but I deal with your
history and guide you to make the best decision that serves you.
A lot of Relationship Counselors and Coaches tell you what to do
without them really knowing the depth or nature of your problems and
thereby give quick fixes and solutions that don’t work.11. Why do you think we’ve got lots of single ladies above the age of 30 these days while the young ones are getting married ?
Well, I really don’t think that statistics is true about younger
ladies getting married. I think we have a generational issue of women
liberation. Women are being enlightened and empowered and this as much
as its a strength could also be a problem if not channeled accordingly.
So many women are beginning to see the need to remain unmarried until
a man who truly matches their education, exposure, financial status and
so on comes along. The good thing about this is that the lady knows her
onions and would likely not be a liability or a pushover in marriage.
She totally understands her power and uses it well. The flip side to
that is that she might not be able to recognize a great man who isn’t in
the finished state that she is looking for.
A great man may not be all polished or refined like she wants.
However, if she could only be patient enough to check his values and
potentials, she would know that he is gold that is in the process of
shinning. So, she ignores the good man and keeps chasing shadows all
over just like I did way back when I was single.12. List 5 things that every single lady/guy needs to do to get hooked and married in 2017.
1) Build up their Self Confidence
2) Pursue a fulfilling passion
3) Invest in Emotional Wholeness
4) Learn how to connect effectively with others13. What do we expect from you in 2017?
In 2017, I am coming out with my own TV show which we are already
shooting right now. It’s a show that fuses relationship with
Entertainment. It helps to solve major relationship issues whilst it
also entertains you.
My club, The Complete Singles Club would also metamorphose from being
a club to a movement. I have the passion to educate, reform and connect
singles for a Happily Ever After and that is what we would doing on a
larger scale in 2017.