Monday, August 3, 2009

Out of Ideas for a Soccer Website? Steal mine.

With the brilliance of Cristiano Ronaldo trademarking CR9 and insuring his legs for a hundred million dollars, all the good ideas for soccer website names are being taken away. With Chelsea and Barcelona drawing over 80,000 people for preseason exhibitions in a country that supposedly has no soccer fans, it's time to cash in on Americans that are scrambling to soccer websites to figure out what this great sport is about. They are not going to want to visit sites that keep calling soccer "football" or are in weird languages like Spanish, Italian, or British. They want shit in American, and you can cash in just by stealing my ideas. Here are some I just thought of this morning:

1. cronaldosdick.com

It'll be a live camera with a picture of your dick. Make sure it's all hairy and shit so people can't tell it's his. Dub over Cristiano Ronaldo's voice speaking Portuguese and Americans can't tell what the fuck he's saying and just believe it's his dick. Then, to throw people off, sometimes put a poon on there and you'll have every website wondering if C.Ronaldo really is a girl hiding his nonexistant penis with a bush when it really was your small penis.

2. ronaldinhosextape.com

Lots of people want to see sex tapes of famous people. They'll have seen Ronaldinho with his flashy moves and wonder what kind of chicks this AC Milan player pulls. Then just show horses fucking. Dub over Ronaldinho talking and you win. Fuck it, just let the horse make noise. It's a foreign language. We won't be able to tell the difference.

3. wengerteatime.com

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger looks like a pedophile. Considering that he only recruits young players for Arsenal and sells off all players when they become 20, what he looks like isn't too far off. Just have videos of teabagging and blur the faces, and then put a subtitle of some player. If you don't know, teabagging is when you drop your nutsack on someone's cheek. Technically that's rape, but pretty funny as fuck, so it makes it okay.

4. robinhotrix.com

Manchester City's Robinho busts tricks all day. So have video of a retard kicking a ball around and falling. Same shit.

I give these suggestions for free knowing that if you make money, you better pay me or I'll sue you more unreasonably than the RIAA suing and winning claims for downloading that are 300% more of a penalty than if you just went into a store and stole the CD. Everyone will know you stole my shit and tell me anyway. Don't force me to find you myself. Then you'll wake up with drawings of penises on your face.