As is standard protocol in cases of objects up the bung, the fella claims to have “no idea” how the bottle found its way up his anus. The injury was compounded because, instead of immediately going to the emergency room, butthole MacGyver attempted to remove the bottle with a curved wire. Medical staff removed the bottle, collected the $.5 deposit on it, and sewed close the perforation in his anus from the wire.

The doc who performed the operation commented to HuffPo that he “once saw a guy with a French's mustard bottle in his colon.”