Ndoa za asili za Kiafrika Zina mafunisho Mengi

In almost all, if not all, of the traditional African tribes, marriage is preceded by initiation. Rarely is one permitted to enter marriage before being tested and groomed for it.

Among other ethnic groups circumcision of boys is a key initiation rite in preparing men for marriage.

For girls, in some groups there are no articulated initiation rites that mark their preparation and readiness to marriage but they are separated for at least a period of time to be instructed by morally upright and skilful women.

For men the period of circumcision time varies. In some ethnic groups, circumcision is done in alternative years.

After the physical cutting, one is secluded till a certain period of time elapses.

During this time practical orientation is provided whereby morality and responsibility are given priority.

When one has gone through the period of initiation successfully, especially for boys, one enters a period of close scrutiny.

It is during this period of scrutiny that one has to show that the initiation formation provided to him was necessary by living and actualizing the formation.

Any lukewarm ness called for a prolonged period of scrutiny.

When one showed the required level of maturity he was declared fit for marriage and the necessary arrangements took place.

Marriage in traditional Africa societies is vital and obedience to God`s command from the very beginning.

It is a call to every human person of a normal capacity, i.e. it is a sacred duty which every sound person must perform.

Failure to undertake it would be to stop the flow of life through the individual, hence diminishing humankind on earth. Anything which is seen as an obstacle to this sacred duty is considered wicked and evil.

Therefore, any normal person who refuses to get married is a serious disgrace to the society. Among the people everything possible is done to make every person think in terms of marriage.

Marriage is considered as the point of axis of the departed, the living and those to be born.

The departed are standing stones for the living, and the living are the links between the departed and the to- be- born, and the to- be- born are offspring of the living.

The offspring cannot be brought about without the unitive and procreative elements of a man and a woman.

If one purposely rejects marriage it means that one is cutting off the vital link between death and life, and destroying the offspring which would sprout and grow on the human tree of life.

There is almost a common belief that death was brought through the negligence of the chameleon who was sent with the message of life but delayed on the way allowing the information of death to be delivered to God first.

Because of this negligence humans had no choice but to die. Now the only way to combat death is by procreation, so to say, by marriage and childbearing.

Through marriage the effects of death are reduced and neutralized considerably.

Therefore procreation through marriage is the medicine against death.

While death continues to destroy life, marriage and progeny keep ahead of it all the time, assuring the continuity of life.

The obligation to get married is the only means to survival or to continue to live.

Through marriage and childbearing, human life is preserved, propagated and perpetuated. Through marriage life is deepened vertically and spread out horizontally.

So, marriage and childbearing are at the centre of human existence, just as man is at the centre of the universe and the crown and cream of creation.

So marriage as noble stage of human life is taken in due nobility, i.e. it is gradually prepared for.

Steps towards marriage are taken only when a right marriage partner is found and agreement between the parents and their children, between the marriage partners, and between the parents of both sides is reached.

After the suitable candidate (girl) had been found, the boy`s parents or entourage visit the girl?s home to `knock at the door` i.e. to ask for the permission for their son to marry their daughter.

This is not an official visit since the girl?s parents have little or no prior information for the visit.

During this stage the girl is not partisan to the conversation, so a later date is fixed for confirmation. When the door is opened, then betrothal begins.

During the period of negotiation, the two families discuss matters such as dowry.

The marriage partners are prepared psychologically about the responsibility of the tasks ahead of them.

The girl is secluded for instructions and fattening. The spouses meet each other but no sexual intercourse is permitted.

At this stage gifts are exchanged from both sides and the dowry is negotiated and paid.

This stage very much depends on the readiness of the two families in terms of economic matters.

The earlier the dowry is paid the quicker the marriage takes place. But a minimum of six months seems to be normal.

During this period the bridegroom visits the bride?s home for official introduction, because it is the parents who are very much involved.

During this stage dowry is fixed.It should be noted that the gifts given during betrothal are not counted as dowry.

And also the dowry is not considered a down payment for the girl but a sign of appreciation from the side of the boy to the girl for the care given to the girl.

The dowry is also a covenantal seal. A girl for whom a dowry is not paid is not considered married and she wins no respect from her society.

On the completion of paying dowry, a cock is given as a sign of appreciation from the girl`s side.

The retention of the rope which is used to tie the animals is symbolic of dissatisfaction on the quality of the dowry.

But the marriage goes on even when the rope is retained although it is not as honourable as when the rope is released.