Take My Advice: Wrong Answer

Recently, I got back my scores on the SATs–I didn’t do very well. When my best friend asked what I got, I lied and said a much higher score. I don’t know why I did it, but now I don’t know how to take it back, and she keeps pushing me about why I’m not applying to “better” schools. What do I do?

-Standardized Liar

You ‘fess up. Now.

Everyone tells white lies, and I honestly don’t think there’s anything wrong with that…if that’s all that they are. Saying someone’s new haircut looks great may not be true, but it also doesn’t do any harm, and there’s no real benefit to making sure everyone knows when they sounded stupid or looked their worst.

But this isn’t really one of those lies, not because your friend is pushing about apps, but because your knee jerk reaction with someone you SHOULD trust deeply was to hide the truth.

That says a lot about your friendship, and about your self esteem, and you shouldn’t brush it under the rug.

If you want to keep the friendship, you should explain what you did. The only reason you need to offer is that you were embarrassed and told a lie, and that you’re sorry. Doing so has a bonus side-effect: if you want to get better at dealing with uncomfortable situations and rude questions (because it WAS a rude question), feeling the awkwardness-consequences of a knee-jerk lie will be a good reminder of what not to do next time.

And next time, you don’t have to just tell the truth, by the way. Even a friend should respect your privacy. So work on a better answer–good options are “I don’t really want to discuss that,” or “that’s not really your business.”

Lying is not a good defense. You might think your scores are embarrassing, but I promise you, getting caught out for having lied about them would be much, much worse.

I’m in my mid-twenties, and I’ve been working as a substitute teacher for the last couple years (I joined Teach for America right out of college). I know some of the girls in classes I teach have crushes on me — high schoolers aren’t very subtle — but I brush it off, because I’m not an idiot. Last week, however, I got a disturbing email from a girl in the English class I subbed for. Pictures were attached. You get the gist. What do I do about this situation? I obviously haven’t responded, but I’m afraid she might go Lifetime-movie on me.More

One of the most exciting offseasons in NBA history had its watershed moment on Wednesday, a 12-hour standoff between the Dallas Mavericks and Los Angeles Clippers over free agent center DeAndre Jordan.

Ridiculous doesn’t even begin to capture all that transpired, from the storm of emojis to the storming and barricading of Jordan’s house by a cavalcade of Clippers. More

My friend has a dog, and she’s always been kind of half-assed about caring for it. I’ll see her out at a party or a barbeque all day long, so I know the dog is home alone, and sometimes she goes out right after she finishes a shift (she’s a waitress, so that might be pretty late), without even going home to feed the dog or let it out. The other day, though, I went over to her house and realized things have crossed a line. There were piles of dog feces in a couple of corners, and the entryway rug was soaked in urine when we walked in. She laughed it off and called the dog naughty, then cleaned up the poop and basically ignored it. I’m worried about the puppy, and about my friend; what kind of person does that to an animal? Should I call animal control on her?More

My parents agreed to help my sister and I with college. I went to a state school and saved them a bunch of money. My sister went to a private liberal arts school that cost three times as much. Now she’s dropping out, and she’s convinced my parents to give her the equivalent of her last year of tuition as a “nest egg,” since they “would have spent that money on her anyway.” I think that’s completely unfair, and I resent my sister for manipulating my parents and them for giving in. How can I get over those feelings? I always play by the rules, and I feel like I’m being punished for it.

-THE GOOD SON

There’s a reason parents love falling back on that phrase, “You think this isn’t fair? Well life isn’t fair.” It’s because they’re right.

If you want to tally up what your parents have done for you versus your sister in dollars and cents, you’re right, they’re being “unfair” to you. But the other side of this coin is that you’re clearly more capable of navigating the world on your own than your sister is.

Just look at the facts: You chose college responsibly, while she went somewhere expensive though she clearly didn’t value that. You finished your education and are moving on to the next phase of life, she’s dropping out. You clearly have your shit together in ways she doesn’t yet, but also in ways she may never achieve.

In a cosmic way, your sister might be the one who got the short end of the stick; maybe because of her wiring, or maybe because your parents indulged her, she’s not nearly as capable and successful as you are.

If anything, that’s not something you should resent her for, it’s something you should feel lucky about.

Try seeing this problem not in the light of money, but in the light of your parents loving their children no matter what. Your sister needs help right now, and they’re in a position to provide it. They’re choosing to do so because they don’t want her to wind up in a bad place.

You don’t need their help right now, and I’d wager anything they’re extremely proud of you for that.

If you really can’t get over the money, why not go to your parents with a “responsible child” proposal: Ask if you can use a similar “gifted” sum towards a down payment (now or in the future) or further education. If they say no, tell them how you feel: You’d like to be rewarded for your good choices, and instead it feels like your sister is being rewarded for bad ones.

Or, better yet, stop focusing on the dollar amounts your parents can give you, and try to pay closer attention to the sort of support that really matters, the kind that made you the “good son” in the first place.

My ex posted a video of us (that he promised me at the time he deleted right after we took it) to a revenge porn site. I only found out because one of his friends told me about it; luckily I was able to get the site to take it down.More

My friend drives drunk. A lot. And not just “one drink too many” drunk, more like “in obviously rough shape” drunk. It not only makes me scared for her, it makes me angry: She could hurt herself or someone else, and there’s really no excuse in the era of Uber. I’ve tried talking to her about it, but she brushes it off or claims she won’t do it again, but then does, anyway. I’ve been tempted to call the cops on her just to get her to stop doing this. How do I convince her it’s not worth it before something terrible happens? More