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You made it! Here it is... the blog where you get to sit back and laugh at - or be completely horrified by - life with 5 kids, 2 parents, some frogs, a cat & a rabbit (and those are just the creatures we know about).

5.30.2012

I was begrudgingly spreading the peanut butter and jelly (because PJ someone - who shall remain unnamed - was supposed to make the sandwiches), when it occurred to me that there are only a few weeks left. In just a few weeks' time, I won't have to:

wake the kids up at six am.

make sure the uniforms are clean.

pack the lunches.

check the homework.

Oh, how I hate the morning routines. Even better than that - a week after the kids get out, I'm out for the summer, too. I love teaching, but I love the schedule even more. Be jealous. It's awesome.

I can't wait until the first morning when I get up at my usual time and leisurely drink a cup of coffee in peace. It will be glorious.

You know what, though? Those fools will probably spend the whole summer waking up before the crack of dawn just to mess with me. I swear they're out to get me...

5.29.2012

Our kids are actually really great in the car. It's why we like road trips so much. Every now and then, though, they get a little antsy. And sometimes, they just start losing their shit. This one's crying, that one hit the other one, someone wants a toy.... all hell breaks loose.

This is the ideal time for a sing along. Right when you're at the point of yelling, "I'll pull this car over!" is when you turn up the radio. Loud. None of that Wiggles crap, either. Blast something totally obnoxious from your favorite station. Preferably the kind of song that gets over-played every five minutes.

My kids are just like me. They know every word to every song on the radio. Even songs that I'm certain they've never heard before. Blast those tunes and the whole car is instantly united in song. I can only imagine what the people at the red lights next to us think. Especially now, when the weather is nice and the windows are down. There's nothing funnier than watching my car full of brats suddenly laughing, singing, and dancing.

So, if you're at a red light next to a giant car full of a bunch of singing kids, it's not the Partridge Family. It's just me, trying to make it to our destination without having to turn that car around!

Have a tip to share? Or some earmuffs? Feel free to leave a comment below...

5.22.2012

I'm not talking about the stuff that would help you blend into the woods, either. I'm talking about busy prints and ugly florals that will help to hide the mess I make of myself every day.

Each day, I get myself dressed in clean, presentable clothes. Unfortunately, there is a correlation between how important the event that I am attending is and how much crap my kids can rub into my clothes. If I am wearing a clean shirt, someone will wipe their nose on it. If my pants are freshly laundered, someone will walk by with sticky {gah!} fingers and leave a nice print. In reality, I tend to be even more of a problem than the kids.Take today, for example. This evening, there is an open house for new parents at my school. It's the kind of event where I feel compelled to look presentable. So, I put on a clean shirt and a printed skirt. Then I tried to make my lunch. As I squeezed the last of the mayonnaise onto my sandwich, it made that lovely farting sound that alerts you to the fact that it's time to add mayo to the grocery list. Accompanying that sound was the giant blob of mayonnaise that landed right on my skirt. Luckily for me, my skirt is patterned with black, white and red flowers. So, if I hadn't felt compelled to write this blog post, no one would even know that I'm covered in condiments. See how well these tips work? So, if you see me walking around in something best suited for upholstering an old lady's couch, it's just so I can protect myself from myself and the kids.

Have a tip to share? Or a stain stick? Feel free to leave a comment below...

5.19.2012

Last Tuesday, I was doing my usual and teaching a first grade class. While I was teaching, I kept hearing my phone buzz from across the room. Over and over, it buzzed every few seconds. Finally, when I had a break, I walked over to see what messages I was missing. I looked and saw that I had at least a dozen Facebook notifications. Almost all of them were some form of "Congratulations!" on my latest status update.

I spent the next few minutes racking my brain as to what I could have put on Facebook that everyone would be so excited about. My morning had been pretty uneventful. I'd eaten a pop-tart for breakfast and discovered a hole in my skirt. Surely those were not congratulatory events. Finally, I opened up my Facebook app on my phone and discovered that my status said (wait for it...)

Now, I understood all of the congratulations I was receiving. The only problem was... I'm NOT pregnant. Apparently, my darling sister decided to visit my mom. Mom happened to be taking care of the kids at my house. Since I don't make it a habit to log out of my Facebook account on the home computer, Kirsten just had to mess with me. Nothing new there - she is my big sister, after all.

No matter how many times I tried to rescind the pregnancy, someone else would only see the headline on their newsfeed and congratulate me. It became the practical joke that wouldn't die. Just when I thought it was over, someone else who hadn't been on Facebook would log on and congratulate me all over again. I even had a person or two tell me they "just knew it!" Really? I'm not sure what to do with that (go eat more chocolate).

Here's how it played out in screenshots:

The status that started it all...

This is Kirsten's version of showing that it was all a prank. Unfortunately, no one even noticed this. PS: I have serious issues with both clowns and sticky fingers.

This is my version of pointing out the prank.

I don't think this qualifies as an actual apology. It certainly doesn't sound very remorseful.

Trying to get the word out (& stem the tide of texts and messages regarding my fake baby).

Now she really doesn't sound sorry at all, does she?

Some folks still hadn't figured it out.

What more can I say?

Luckily, I have a pretty good sense of humor. Even though I kept having to correct people, I did think it was a funny prank. I just hope Kirsten braces herself for some revenge. I know I can enlist my nieces' help. I'll just have to lay low for a while... lull her into a false sense of security and all. When she least expects it, I'll have some payback ready. They say it's a bitch.

5.15.2012

It's always good to know when you're a wreck. Maybe it's because I'm naturally a hot mess or maybe it's because I have 87 5 kids, but I have a clothing calamity at least once a week.

Case in point: today I reached down by my side and thought to myself, "Wow. This skirt has pockets? Awesome!" But, no. This skirt does not have pockets. It has a giant hole in the side right on my hip. I have no idea how or when it happened. I'm very clumsy by nature. Maybe I ran into something and tore it this morning. Maybe I'm just that much of a disaster and put on a skirt with a hole when I got dressed. There's really no telling. I'm just relieved for everyone I need to face today that it actually has a lining. Other than that, my students would have been seeing a whole new side of Ms. M today.

Have a tip to share? Or a safety pin? Feel free to leave a comment below...

5.08.2012

Today is my birthday. My husband had the kids make cards for me. I got the cutest little handmade cards with sweet little drawings and bubble letters. They were wishing me a happy 35th birthday.

I looked at my husband and informed him that I am 34 today. He seemed truly puzzled and said, "Wait. Am I 36?" No, honey, you are 35 and I am 34. But thank you for trying to take a year off my life.

Don't tell PJ, but this whole 34 thing just occurred to me a few months ago, anyway. I was sure that I was turning 33 this year until it dawned on me that 2012-1978 = 34. This is what happens when you have a boatload of kids. You don't even know how old you are anymore.

(Now, if you are a parent of a bunch of kids and you do know how old you are, I'm sorry if I offended you. And I don't want to hang out with you.)

Have a tip to share? Or maybe you need some help figuring out your age? Feel free to leave a comment below...

5.01.2012

I've lamented about my laundry issues and lack of socks on numerous occasions. I just can't keep up with the laundry for 7 people. Many a night, you will find me running around like a mad woman making sure everyone has what they need for the next day - school uniforms, socks, underwear, etc. Unfortunately, I sometimes spend so much time worrying about everyone else, that I forget to take care of myself. One morning, as I was getting ready for work, I realized that I didn't haveanyclean underwear. Not even the ugly granny panties that are still in the back of the drawer from some pregnancy or another. Not only that, but I was wearing a skirt to work. So there I stood, in front of my bare drawer, and realized that I had two choices: go commando under a skirt (can anyone say Britney?) or wear the black bathing suit bottoms from my tankini. There really was only one option. In all actuality, they were quite comfortable. So there you have it. When laundry quandaries abound, throw on a bathing suit and get on with your day.

Have a tip to share? Or maybe a shameful confession about going commando? Feel free to leave a comment below...