Tuesday, 24 January 2012

It's getting the better of me. Again.

I'm trying to stay positive. I am. But today there is a weird sadness and frustration lurking about that I can't put my finger on. It all started yesterday when S played the Beatles (Revolver), at 8 in the morning while I was trying to get motivated for the work week ahead. Such upbeat music makes me cry. Yes ... I'm odd like that.

Here's a peek into my thought processes at the moment ...

I just entered Bitter Like Orange Peel into ABNA. Yay! ... bet I don't even make it through the first round.

I'm going to Canada in one month! Yay! ... but then I have to come back home and I bet I'll get depressed.

34 comments:

Hey Jessica. Sometimes the glass does look half empty; even if it is really half full!! And I reckon science and physics and all those other things which I am no good at - would prove this to be so. Therefore, should we castigate ourselves when that is our perception? Don't get me wrong, if half full attitudes were going cheap i'd be buying myself a few! You are acknowledging all the positives (glass half full); and just expressing how you're feeling about things (glass half empty) - sounds like a really balanced outlook to me!! I promise I won't get sick of you, if you promise you won't get sick of me first - now that's a challenge for you. By the way, are you sure people don't read poetry anymore - my glass is looking mighty half empty if that were to be true. Time to pull out Marcia Hines' cover of Artie Waynes' 'From the Inside'. Empathetically yours.

Big kisses from Australia! XOXO Eat some choccy and watch a DVD. Or get a massage somewhere! And hell, I'll attend the thing on Ithaca if no-one else will, LOL! (Yeah, those might be bandaid solutions, but what I'm saying is: you rock and chocolate never hurt anyone).

(I do the same thing with music, too, and I know what you mean particularly with The Beatles. I think that despite the 'upbeatness', there is a feeling of another time and place that is caught up within it. I can't explain it any better than that. It's almost like a sense of loss or longing or deja vu...)

I never get sick of you, Jessica. I know I lurk a lot, but I love reading your posts and comments around the blogosphere.

I've been struggling with self doubt and frustration lately too. For me, it's because the fall season kicked my butt big time in my personal life and I'm just starting to recharge again. Don't lose faith in yourself and in your writing. And know that you're not alone.

Cognitive therapy. You're aware of your thought process, and you know it's not helping, and so now all you need is a bullshit detector in the form of cognitive therapy to help you bust those negative thought-lines and get back some balance in your perspective.

Let me just say that we are all entitled to our bleak moments, and poo poo to anybody who says differently! I've got a pretty damn good life over here, and yet lately I've let some not so awesome aspects of it dominate my thoughts. But I'm working hard to focus on the good aspects!

If you ask me, I think this is pretty normal. I always think like this (but ok, I know I'm not "pretty normal"). Still, I think like this all the time. It looks to me like you are trying to protect yourself from a harder thump IF one of those thoughts does come true. If you prepare for the worst, the worst won't kill you when it comes kind of thinking.

I hope you can give yourself a break, my friend. Don't revel in the "at leasts" - at least I have this or at least I have that kind of thinking that I think we're often told to follow. Revel in the fact that you feel deeply, love even more deeply, and that you have a life where things happen deeply. That's what this life is about and where that amazing magic comes from in your writing. I've seen it. I've read it there. Keep living and feeling deeply! It makes you, YOU. :)

Never happen that we'd get sick of you. We love you. And those feelings live inside me as well. I'm learning to become aware of them, then try to shift my energy, kind of like the marshal arts form aikido where, if something is coming at you, you use the energy to deflect it away.Karen

I totally understand your overwhelming fruatrations. I get like that every once in awhile. I get so involved in all the craziness that I forget to enjoy any of it...and really, my life rocks! Take a deep breath. Make a list of the things for which you're thankful. Thank the people individually. Then take a step back, close your eyes, breathe, and plunge back in!

Every time you have a negative thought like that, just counter it with a positive one. EVen if all you can say is "nah, that bad thing won't happen" it will still put you in a more positive frame of mind.If you do this all the time, sooner or later it just becomes your nature to be more positive. And then you'll be even happier and more stress-free

Just so you know: we are not sick of you! From a purely practical point of view, I find it helps to exercise when I'm feeling all ugh about life (which, fortunately, doesn't happen so much to me anymore) - but then you have to motivate yourself enough to do it!

Aww! *hugs* We won't get sick of you, and I bet all that other stuff will turn out better than you think.

These types of thoughts do happen, though. I used to do that when I submitted something or even turned in a paper when I was in school. "I bet it is rejected." "I bet I failed." In a sad way, it helps. That way it is a mental preparedness, just in case. So, I get it.

I like that you write honestly. If I'm down or stressed, I just don't write, which is dishonest in reality.And I agree re chocolate. Everything else is just food but chocolate's chocolate! I would bring you some if I lived in Athens.

“I'm using my art to comment on what I see. You don't have to agree with it.” ~John Mellencamp

“Allowing an unimportant mistake to pass without comment is a wonderful social grace” ~Judith S. Marin

“I don't ever try to make a serious social comment.” ~Paul McCartney

“I'd make a comment at a meeting and nobody would even acknowledge me. Then some man would say the same thing and they'd all nod.” ~Charlotte Bunch

“Probably what my comment meant was that I don't care about the circumstances if I can tell the truth.” ~Sally Kirkland

“We're not going to pay attention to the silliness and the petty comments. And quite frankly, women have joined me in this effort, and so it's not about appearances. It's about effectiveness.” ~Katherine Harris