Why Do Dogs Lean On You?

Do dogs lean on us out of dominance?

I saw a comment thread on reddit where everyone was saying how cute it is when their dogs lean on them for affection. Most people said they like when their dogs lean on them, and they don’t seem to think anything of it, good or bad.

Then there were a few people who jumped in preaching Cesar-Millan talk, saying that a dog that leans on you is trying to assert his dominance. And of course this created all kinds of drama as people became emotional and defensive about dominance theory.

Sometimes dogs do use their bodies to claim space or to get to an object first or to simply be in the lead. Call it dominance. Call it cute. Call it whatever you want.

But not a single person (except yours truly) brought up the fact that many dogs will lean on their owners for security. They will lean on their owners because they are shy, fearful or insecure. They are not trying to dominate their owners. They are trying to feel safe.

Nine times out of 10, when dogs lean on us they really are just seeking attention.

Why dogs lean on us

Ace will come up and slam his side into my legs, wiggling his body into a U shape and whipping his tail every which way. I don’t see this as dominance (although he does want my attention) or insecurity (although he does feel safer with me around). He’s just trying to connect with his best friend. And guess what? It works! I always bend down and give him a good butt scratch. “Good boy, Ace!”

But there are dog owners who don’t read into anything their dogs are telling them. Everything the dog does is cute or funny to them, even when the dog is trying to communicate something. To them, a dog that leans couldn’t possibly be trying to say anything other than “I love you.”

And then there are dog owners who assume every action from a dog always means the same thing. Growling always represents dominance, for example. Or a wagging tail always represents happiness. Or leaning always represents friendship. Hmm …

In order to understand our dogs, we need to pay more attention to what they are trying to communicate during each specific situation.

Dogs can certainly block us with their bodies in order to gain access to what they want, but they will also lean on us in order to feel safe.

Shy dogs will often lean on their owners in order to feel safe

My former foster dog Cosmo is a leaner. He would lean on me when someone came to the door or when we attended an adoption event. This wasn’t because he was trying to dominate me. He was leaning on me in order to feel more secure.

Poor Cosmo was always stressed at adoption events. His ears would be back. He would avoid direct eye contact with people. He would pant with an open mouth. Usually one front paw would be raised and tucked up into his chest. Sometimes he trembled. Sometimes he even growled at people.

No wonder no one was very interested in him during these events!

“I made sure not to give Cosmo affection when he leaned on me for security.”

I made sure not to give Cosmo affection when he leaned on me for security. Telling him “It’s OK. It’s OK. Good boy,” would only teach him to continue looking to me for security. In order to help him grow as an individual and build his confidence, I had to teach him not to depend on me so much.

So I would block Cosmo with my hip or my elbow (I was usually sitting on the floor with him). Or I would simply move away or up into a chair. He would usually shift back in order to lean on me again, and I would move away again as well. When he was relaxed and lying next to me without touching, I would pet him calmly.

Treats and favorite toys can also be very useful to help distract an insecure dog from everything going on. You don’t want to reward the dog for being unable to calm down, but you can use treats to get him to think about something else like sit or stay and build his confidence that way. Sometimes I would make Cosmo lie down and stay a foot away. Then he would get the treat as a reward for maintaining distance.

Some dogs climb into their owners’ laps in order to feel more secure

Some little dogs will climb into their owners’ laps in order to feel more secure. Big dogs try this as well, but it’s usually the smaller dogs that tremble in their owners’ arms because they fear something in the environment. It’s usually the owners of small dogs who unintentionally reinforce the dogs’ insecurities.

It’s easy to nurture a small dog’s fear by carrying him around and telling him “It’s OK. It’s OK, baby.” But this will not help the dog build any confidence.

“It’s usually the owners of small dogs who unintentionally reinforce the dogs’ insecurities.”Instead, the owner should place the dog on the ground and slowly help him understand that nothing bad happens in new situations. The owner should ignore the dog or move away when he frantically paws at her legs to get back up. She should give him a treat or pick him up only when he is calm or if the situation is truly unsafe for the little guy.

It’s also important not to completely overwhelm the dog. If he’s fearful of new people and dogs it might be a bit much to set him on the ground in the middle of a PetSmart or a street fair. But the owner should seek out less “scary” situations first and slowly challenge the dog more and more from there.

But even these dogs are not barking out of dominance. They are barking up a storm because they are insecure. They are acting defensively.

So how can an owner fix this problem?

The same way as above. Seek out situations that are not too overwhelming, and keep the dog on the ground. Carrying him around will not help him build confidence.

Most little guys will immediately try to jump back into their owners’ arms – their place of empowerment.

The owner should not allow this, not unless the dog is truly in danger.

If the dog tries to jump back into his owner’s lap, she should block him with her arm. If he makes it into her lap, she should stand and push him off or set him on the ground. If he starts growling and barking at people from her feet, she should put his leash on him and tether him away from her. She should reward him when he’s calm and not barking or crying.

The goal is to help the dog grow as an individual by weaning him away from his dependence on his owner.

If your little dog is reactive to other dogs and people when on a leash, you may want to check out my post on dog leash aggression. It applies to dogs of all sizes.

Some dogs will hide between their owners’ legs at the dog park

When dogs hide between their owners’ legs at the dog park, many owners respond by petting the dog or talking to the dog.

Instead, it’s best to just step away. Keep moving. Don’t allow the dog to hide behind you or under you. Help the dog build his confidence by decreasing his dependence on you.

If the dog seems overly shy or fearful, just walk away from the other dogs, re-group and return again after a few seconds. You don’t want to overwhelm your dog too much by forcing him to interact right off the bat. Visit the dog park during quieter hours and don’t plan on staying for long. If he plays for a few seconds and then seems overwhelmed, just quit while you are ahead. At least he played for a few seconds. That is a success.

We always want our dogs to be social butterflies, but then we complain when they’re not calm! If you have a calm dog that doesn’t want to socialize all the time, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Some dogs appreciate socializing in smaller groups just like some people like to socialize in smaller groups. Some dogs and some people get tired of socializing sooner than others. Heck, I’m one of the most introverted people I know! I can certainly relate to all those introverted dogs out there.

What have you noticed about your dog when he leans on you?

Is he usually seeking attention? Power? Security? Probably all of the above, depending on the situation.

Sign up to receive additional content in my bi-weekly newsletter:

88 Readers Commented

I was coming home from picking up my dad from work and my dog meeka was all excited and ran out to greet him. After that we went inside and she got her toy and ran to the front of the table. I went and sat on the table and I was sort of sitting on the table by her side. She was looking at me and leaned against me.. what does that mean? Please tell me. Btw I’m 11.

I have a semi new chocolate lab and German Shepherd mix. He’s a sweet, intelligent, hyper, playful, energetic, strong, and much more! He’s about a year old and he walk’s glued to our side, and will follow us everywhere we go. He wants to be with our family at all time’s. His leaning has become a small concern lately, as he’s a very large, strong, super hyper dog. I’m afraid he’ll end up hurting someone, especially our 11 yr old daughter without meaning to. Why does he feel the need to walk as if glued to our side? He’s also a very protective dog. Thanks in advance for your two cent’s. ☺

I can’t find information on a certain bowing behaviour. My dog and I do the playful bow, at each other, to start most of our fun and games. But, my dog has another bow I can’t find information on. He walks up to me, bows his head, places it against my shins, sighs and may or may not wag his tail. He sometimes bows so low as to place his muzzle on my feet, with his shoulders against my shins. He’s a very affectionate boxer mix, who loves hugging and being always by my side.

Hi, I have a French Bulldog, he’s 27lbs and 8 months old (neutered as well). Often when we’re alone and laying down he’ll lay by my side but lean most of his weight on in. He never really looks at me just rather takes a nap or is chewing on his bone. But there are times when I’m standing and around other family he’ll walk past me but lean all his weight on me for a moment (if he catches you off guard it’s enough to make you stumble a bit as if he’s pushing as well) before walking away and doing other things, He does the same to my mom and her roommate. Or if we’re sitting in chairs and he walks by us he makes sure to lean all his weight on one or two of us before continuing onto his business. If I’m sitting on the floor, at his level, he’d do the same but basically stands next to me and pushes all his weight against me as he leans. He never gets aggressive and is distracted as soon as someone calls him or invites him for some petting. Any clue on what this may mean? He does have moments where he scurries away from my mom and roommate to find me and lean on me in that “U-shape” against my leg but this is the only time he actually looks up at me in which I pet him a few times, he’ll stop leaning on me but continue standing next to me until he’s decides to walk away again (I think this matches the security bit mentioned in the article but doesn’t seem related to his random leaning on everyone). I’m starting to wonder if he is having issues with dominance/power?

My dog Holly loves to lean on people. Even when we have guests Holly will chose to lean on the guest and not us (the owners) Holly will also lean on your feet when people are standing still or have their feet on the floor.

I have a Boxer Bulldog mix, he is about 4 months old. I got him when he was six weeks old. From day one he likes to be right under my feet. When I take him out to do his business he will walk between my legs almost tripping me in the process. After he takes care of business he will come back to where I’m standing walk between my legs and either stand there or sometimes sit between them. He does the same with my wife. I have been trying to find out more about this behavior. Can anyone explain why he does this. I have some ideas but not sure if they are correct.