March 8, 2019

Lani took something out, it was a food bowt to be cleaned out by the animals. He mentioned that Oma made him do this. But it was a good mention. It was an “I relate this to my Good time with Oma” kind of mention.

Playing Canasta, Costco runs, shopping, gardening, painting and countless other household projects, my silly rose bush and the pleasure it gives my mom, the dishes that she wouldn't let sit in the sink, those are all things that can at any moment remind me of my mother with a smile.

The thing is she always does stuff with us. It's exhausting sometimes when she wants another game, but it's always fun to play.

I realize I just don't have these moments with my dad, or maybe they are just tainted. Who I bring to most of what I do is probably more in spite of him than because.

I suppose he did take pride in a job well done, but I don't recall him ever sharing that with me. I just don't think he knew what to do with micro-humans as Lani likes to call them. Maybe he was waiting for them to grow up, but they didn't necessarily show up like he wanted, and without having powerfully built the foundation, it was harder to continue.

And maybe that's why it was easier for me with him most of the time than it was for my sisters. We actually did do things together. We had some routines, even if it was only a handful of seasons.

But I don't know if I'd characterize most of our time together as fun. It makes me sad. I wanted to say maybe he just never got that comfortable inside his skin bag, but maybe I'm just projecting my own experience.

Now I have students asking me if I'll be back next year. And if I say yes, it feels like the end of my campaign road, but it's a steady job.

It feels like a next best, a default that keeps me from going for something bigger. And I don't mean to make small the making of a difference in one person's life or in those of a whole class or school even. And this is especially the case where I am. I have a group of kids who could really use a powerful listening around them.

And I have a vision of something bigger, minutely probable, scary, and far away from where I am now. So which is it?

Ten ways I could rock the world as a candidate:

I could create a new conversation calling the parties to the center.

I could create a new center party.

I could talk to people and help them determine their own bold new futures.

I could give people perspective, the ability to see the world through the eyes of the person across the aisle.

I could help people forge a new synthesis between chaos and order, creativity and routine, such that they see different qualities in others as an opportunity.

I could shed a light on what already works.

I could shed a light on the obscene and absurd in such a manner that people choose to fix that which just does not work.

I could give people a sense of their own agency.

I could help make growing up fun again.

I could live into my education manifesto.

I could foster conversation between people who don't usually talk.

I could bring play and a sense of good will back to our national conversation.