Bye bye Byers?

The Rover debacle came up in the Commons yesterday. Stephen Byers, the industry secretary, was due to make a rare personal appearance. MPs on both sides were looking forward to a political epic, a mythic yarn telling of hatred, terror and vengeance.

But that struggle, between John Redwood and Angela Browning, came later. This was an unusual tragedy in that the light relief came first. Question one, about Rover, had been tabled by Michael Fabricant.

Comes the hour, comes the man. And Mickey wasn't bad, even if his question was, as usual, a little petulant and windbaggy. He would be so much more effective if he came to the Commons in his old platform heels and velvet loon pants, but he has ambitions to statesmanship, and probably only wears them in private now.

Richard Burden, a Labour MP whose seat includes part of Longbridge, claimed to be disappointed that Mickey would not be at the rally in Birmingham this weekend. What an image that evokes, of Mickey pledging his support to the ranks of cheering car workers! That would make the Germans think again. "Mein gott, vot an amazing miracle fibre ziss is! Ve shall manufacture it globally as 'Herr Hair.' "

Mr Byers needed a tough response. His position in the cabinet seems shaky now, and the prime minister stopped short of supporting him on Wednesday.

So he took the feeblest line of all and blamed the other lot. "In all of this the party opposite will try to score some cheap political points."

Tories bayed and jeered. As members of the opposition, they know it is they who have to take the tough decisions on issues such as Rover. It is only government ministers who have the luxury of criticising everyone else without offering any constructive solutions themselves. Or at least that seems to be Mr Byers' strategy.

Martin O'Neill, who chairs the industry select committee, offered Mr Byers some help. It seems they had still been signing contracts at Longbridge three weeks ago.

"My honourable friend makes an important point," said Mr Byers, for the first of many times. It sounded pretty desperate, but at least he will have one little chum when he faces the committee next Wednesday.

I noticed that Alan Duncan, seated on the Tory frontbench opposite Mr Byers, looks spookily like him. Both have the same bouffant hair, the same wire glasses, the same "yeah, I'm on the train" style suit. Beneath the bluster all modern politicians are growing to be identical.

David Winnick said that things would have been worse under the Tories. "My honourable friend makes an important point," said Mr Byers. Things were getting worse.

Then Mr Redwood rose. The prime minister had offered Mr Byers "no comfort or support". Indeed, things were so bad "he wasn't even called 'unassailable' ". Either he knew what was going on and had misled the Rover workers, or had known nothing and was totally incompetent.

"He should do the decent thing and go, before more damage is done!"

Mr Byers pointed out, correctly, that this was a bid to get Mrs Browning's job back for himself. So it was she who needed a great performance.

She didn't, getting diverted into quibbling about how many questions she had asked, flapping press clippings in the air like damp underwear on a washing line and, in short, generally letting Mr Byers wriggle away.

"She gave no suggestion of how we can provide assistance and support to the workers," he said piously. "That is a matter of regret."

"Bye bye, bye bye," shouted the Tories. But in this battle of the dwarf sumo wrestlers he had, I suppose, won.