“That was one googly you bowled there, Christian,” Dr Flynn shakes his head.
“John – you and your cricket metaphors.”

IF YOU HAVE TO EXPLAIN YOUR METAPHORS, YOU SHOULDN’T USE THEM.

They meet Ros – the one who was in the helicopter crash with Christian – and her girlfriend, Gwen.

Ros is charming. She’s one of the few women I’ve met who isn’t dazzled by him … well, the reason is obvious.

Oh, COME ON. The only woman who isn’t reduced to a steaming puddle by Christian is a fucking LESBIAN? EL James, you’re not even trying.

I can tell that Ros is one smart woman.

Maybe THAT’S why she’s not attracted to Christian.

Mia collars me in the hallway. In her pale pink, frothy baby-doll dress and killer heels, she towers over me like a Christmas tree fairy.

I know she’s meant to be Christian’s younger sister, but she’s still a grown woman, for fuck’s sake.

Mia asks Ana’s advice. Ethan doesn’t want to date her because his sister (Kate) is going out with Mia’s brother (Elliott). He likes her but finds the whole thing too incestuous. He sounds like a bloody wimp to me and should just man the hell up.

“If you want advice, ask Kate. She may have some insight as to how her brother feels.”

What would we do without you, Ana? Full of gold that nobody else could POSSIBLY have thought of themselves.

She gives me another hug and scuttles excitedly to the door.

Scuttles. SCUTTLES.

Now it’s Mrs Robinson’s turn to corner Ana. She calls Ana ‘missy’ and witters about her being a worthy adversary. Then she says Christian has needs Ana can’t possibly satisfy.

“If you think he’s going to be happy with a mousy little gold digger like you…”
That’s it! I throw the rest of my lemon martini in her face, drenching her.

A sour drink for a sour bitch.

Christian is standing in the doorway. It takes him a nanosecond to assess the situation – me ashen and shaking, her soaked and livid.

Gosh, I wish I had his impeccable detective skills.

“I was the best thing that ever happened to you,” she hisses arrogantly at him. “Look at you now. You are master of your universe.”

It’s the title of the original fan fiction again! Super-fans unite!

Grace, Christian’s mother, comes in and chucks Mrs Robinson out. She slaps her for good measure, then asks to be left alone with Christian. Ana runs off upstairs to Christian’s childhood bedroom. Distressed thoughts, inner monologue, blah blah. Christian comes up a bit later.

“I feel liberated.” He shrugs, then beams.

Not allowed until the next book, Fifty Shades Freed.

“Our business relationship is over. Done.”
“Will you liquidate the salon business?”
“No. I’ll gift it to her.”

Well, that was easy. All it took was horrible confrontation to get rid of Mrs Robinson.

“I remember the last time you took me to the boathouse.”
He suddenly stops and scoops me over his shoulder.
“You were really angry, if I remember correctly.”

Ah yes, let’s relieve the unhappy memories.

“Anastasia, I’m always really angry.”

Christian is the Hulk!

Christian takes my hand and leads me up the wooden stairs. The attic is unrecognizable. The room is filled with flowers, mixed with glowing Christmas lights and miniature lanterns.
“You wanted hearts and flowers,” he murmurs.

I might puke.

“You have my heart. And here are the flowers.”

Yep. Definitely going to puke.

He’s sinking to one knee in front of me. From his inside jacket pocket he produces a ring.
“Anastasia Steele. I love you. Be mine. Always. Share my life with me. Marry me.”

I think he got his proposal from those Love Heart sweets.

She says yes, again. Crying happens and the book ends with the line, ‘We are meant to be.’

And there’s an epilogue!

The helicopter had been a rash and bold move. They have underestimated him. If Grey thought for one minute he’d go whimpering quietly into the dusk, that prick didn’t know jack shit.

Someone with a grudge against Grey. How unexpected.

Oh, the things he’s learned, the things he knows. Not bad for a kid from the gutter end of Detroit, who worked his ass off and got into publishing.

Looks like it’s Jack, who got fired for harassing Ana!

His chance will come. His chance will come soon.

Next summer, to be precise, when I delve into the third and final book of this incredible trilogy.

Thank you, everyone, for helping me through this mind-numbing book with your views and comments. You guys are what keep me going! I’ll be back with book three next year, but until then keep checking back here for book reviews, interviews and the occasional scathing analysis of bad writing. :)

2 Comments on “50 Shades Darker – Chapter 22”

I never imagined I’d be able to say this for any reason, but I am looking forward to 50 Shades Freed :D This has been very entertaining. I would just like to say how very disgusted I am by James’s calm and accepting handling of a character that is a fucking CHILD MOLESTER!!! If a married woman just touched my 15 year old baby brother, I would stab her and make sure her ass ends in jail. Good lord, Christian is a dick and an asshole and kjhgfdujnhv!!! Why do women like him? This book should be called: Ode to the Total Downfall of Humanity. It’s the end. We have reached maximum idiocracy. Also, Jack tried to kill Christian? Man, the guys in this book really REALLY want to get into Ana’s pants. Christian is just cruel to be keeping her magical vagina to himself. Clearly it drives men to complete insanity if they cannot have it.