This was a suffered destination, as I was not entirely convinced by all the news about tourists been there, their general impressions, their experiences, the fame of the island itself. Who says black and who says white, yin and yang of an island supposed to be one of the most beautiful and stress-free in this planet.

Well, at the cost of risking bad adventures, there is only one way to know what the truth is. And apart from that, it is one of the very few immigration hassle-free destinations in South-East Asia (for both me and mostly my travel companion). And I haven't been there yet, this alone being good enough a motivation to pin it on a map. However it is not even cheap to fly there, in this time of the year, from Japan, I mean. Doesn't matter. I am going. We are going.

All the concerns left behind us, we eventually picked our dates, checked flights and costs, booked hotels and bought our beach wear. Other than quickly browsing a few travel websites to have a feeling of what are the must-see, must-do, must-eat, must-buy, must-know (total time spent on this 2 hrs), I haven't done anything and this is in disagreement with my nature, since I always know well what to do and how and when. But learning new ways of planning travels adds up to the well trained skills I acquired during the years. And by knowing how things go in the Malay archipelago, this vacation can evolve at a slower pace, with a few question marks hanging along the way...

Monday, April 22, 2013

Days have been tougher than I expected, tougher than they were supposed to be. No matter how the weather is outside, I am a gloomy, feisty, easily irritated person, misanthropist more often than not. These are the moments when I think that staying was not a good idea. I don't know exactly when it happened, but lately things are not interesting to me anymore, and actually I easily get more annoyed than pleased…and I see many things that I don't like (that is, I don't stand/appreciate anymore).

I don't like the office, cold, then hot, then cold again, so cold (my nice new desk is right under the a/c air blow) that I am sure one day I will eat my own brain ice cream for lunch, then noisy, then noise comes from the factories right nearby, or from the corridor.

Meetings are frustrating, with some not showing up on time or not showing up at all, a topic gets stretched too long, others are almost skipped, some don't have enough time to speak because others love to hear the sound of their voices, English doesn't seem to be widely used or even known…and I know that the challenges of speaking a foreign language can be too hard to win, but still…People talk (and some do talk A LOT) but in the end no talk is really done, the message is not conveyed. Group tele-conferences are unnerving, because people essentially don't care about the fact that others might want to try and listen to the voice coming from the speakers…they chat, they giggle, they whisper (we are not at school, helloooooo!), they can't refrain from unpacking snacks….remember that you are not alone and your movements disturb others, dammit.

I don't even like my job right now, because it makes me feel like I am chasing ghosts, or I am reinventing the wheel again and again, one day of progress is followed by four others of regress, I feel stupid and can't do much about it, and when I stare at the screen without answers I think that, yes, I should have not stayed. No,wait! That I don't like my job is not a correct statement…I do like my job, yes, but I believe I am not suited for this new phase. Yeah, that's more it.

Now that I have this position as a research associate, I feel a switch was pressed in my head, and -wow- suddenly everything changed, the way I see things changed. I feel a different pressure, I have a different responsibility, I do question every single decision I make in my daily job, I am never satisfied, I get frustrated more and more every day as I don't seem I am grasping the answer, I don't have it, I don't see it, I don't know where to find it. Is this how it is supposed to be? Boss says I am actually doing alright, and I should take it easier…probably I reckon I am taking everything too personal, to put it simply.

And, cherry on top of a cake, how can that area where RIKEN is be SO DAMN WINDY AND COLD every day of the year???

It was 2007 when I started with the RIKEN adventure. This was the poor and superficial description I gave about the workplace (here).

So many things have changed since!

The boss changed (the former left Japan), the supervisor as well changed (a few months after that post -but not because of the post- I was assigned another supervisor, to date my mentor and strongest supporter), of the people I have described only a handful is still in the same group. My office has witnessed many comings and goings, temporary or more stable, but still, sooner or later many of the bioinformatics group people have gone different ways.

Now we are split between two offices and we still have our good deal of extravagant characters.

One of them is quite disturbing, and among the other things he doesn't even belong to our team but it was put in one of our offices just because we have room, and what's disturbing about him is first that he is quite a solitary person, he's like living in his own world, and then the way he interacts with people, I don't like the way he looks at people…well, I dunno. He speaks to himself, he seems to be living in that office, basically: eats at his desk, sleeps at his desk, nibbles at his desk at all hours, video-chats at his desk. Otherwise he wonders around and noses everywhere.

We then have a Japanese colleague, I don't believe he's actually belonging to our team but rather to an external company, he shows up only some days and he definitely looks like inspector Gadget. he sits at a tiny desk, with just enough space to jam his legs underneath and place a laptop on it. End. He doesn't talk, doesn't interact, doesn't communicate. An alien.

Then, there's always a certain deal of Japanese characters you never know who they are and what they do, but they are there, quiet, as camouflaged as ninjas: they are not there but they are there. Actually, I know they are there by the smell of instant ram that fills the room, a too small room with bad air. Dammit, eat your meals somewhere else! But this would be suited for a separate topic, the Japanese work habits…..

Most of the times our office is quite and one can concentrate easily, but there are times when colleagues really can't control the volume of their conversations (work related or not).

Other things that changed, apart from people, are the relationships with people: it is obvious that after years of working vicinity with the veterans, a bond is created, all personalities come to surface, preferences can be expressed, like working with whom on what project, and strengths and weaknesses, good things and bad things about all are clear. Changes happen also individually, as a professional and as a person, collaborations recognize the efforts, contributions are well known and acknowledged. Notoriety, in short, comes.

The kitchen smells of baking cake, made with soy milk and brown sugar, and of spicy salsa. Tonight's tortillas night….not too bad.

The usual supporting glass of wine, for a technical, physical and moral aid, is there on the kitchen workbench to accompany me in the difficult steps of preparation.

All the tension that I was feeling since I arrived at the office today is going away, although I still have stiff shoulders and neck, but that could as well be yesterday's power yoga class…

When a day is not at all meant to end well, the only thing left to do is , indeed, cook. Cooking is a distraction, a relaxation practice, and I focus on other things than the bad thoughts I had.

Though, morning didn't start that bad, with a very hot sun already at 8am imposing me to go on with that laundry round and do some quick gardening. Then….

But cooking is also the one activity I manage not to drop (not like sports, learn a foreign language, housekeeping, dance, and so on), and which actually is useful any time. So, two hours flew away between stir frying and baking, sipping wine and tasting cheese. The cake, steamy, soft, is meant for tomorrow morning, no eating until breakfast. And since we better start a day at best, I will have a nice soy milk, avocado and apple shake together with the cake.

There is this tale where a boy is bored and one day he decides to have fun. He then screams to the shepherds in the valley that a wolf is coming their way. When he sees the reaction, he is amused and he keeps playing this game, but people are less and less worried about the boy's fake alarms. Until one day the wolf comes for real, the boy screams but no one believes him and eventually the wolf gets hold of the sheep.

Now, can this tale be used to describe what's happening with NK these days?

The story is pretty much the same, but in this case the boy is a bankrupted nation's leader, the wolf is a bomb, and the shepherds are the people in other countries.

Will the wolf come for real, this time? Opinions and feelings are so varied like never before. The S Koreans keep playing the shepherds, they are so not impressed. They are used to the young (maybe inexperienced) NK leader, they know it's all rhetoric and fuzz. Smoke for the eyes. The Americans are starting to take him seriously this time, the rest of the world is starting to feel the stress and is cracking under the weight of all the discordant and uncertain news.

What's the foreigner's position? Foreigners in Korea, Japan? Well, I presume we are confused. Tourists seem not to be bothered, and keep traveling to the hot destinations. Maybe here in Japan we grew more sensitive, especially re nuclear power matters...we've experienced nuclear radiation pre- and post- effect on the mind and on other people's lives, so that's why we would not be so keen in acknowledge NK's threats as a bluff. The Americans, Chinese and Japanese better be sure they can intercept those missiles and yet be careful not to provoke a war...

The thing is, also, that news on a "imminent" war are not really shaking the population...I mean, the social networks are not going ballistic (apart from the first days when those news started to appear that depicted the NK leader as a grumpy hungry boy), the media dedicate just some essential coverage, people continue living their lives normally, the NK topic is not THE topic of the moment that gets discussed any time any where.

Notably, this crisis -fake or not- may explode. I have to be careful of what I say now, but in the deepest of my hearth I just hope that all those threatening and blaming is just a spoiled one-child kid on a whim who's bored with his life and wants to scare the s*** off of someone. Like, maybe he thinks that life is like a risiko board game....if that were true, then a woman is enough to put an end to the potential conflicts: go and slap him, no more TV for a month and in bed by 10pm, like all tired mothers would do in these cases. Or, give him money enough to buy a long lasting stock of candy bars. End of the story.

I am very productive on Mondays. I have all these great ideas, I am creative, I am again motivated, I am inspired and I actively draft. Especially after having the Monday meeting with boss, I am very motivated, yes….to update my blog, my cook book, and the like…all the good ideas come to me on Mondays.

So, speaking of work…end of fiscal year in Japan, end of OSC center, end of a life as a Technician, end of the cold weather (hm, sort of). All this happens with March. My father always tells me that spring starts after Easter. And that's solely because Jesus resurrects on Easter Sunday and brings the promise of a new life. So, as it is cold and windy in the week of his passion, it turns into a beautiful weather after. Might be a popular or religious belief, but in Sicily every Easter marks the real beginning of spring season….or so it was in the years when we didn't know about global warming.

The day after Easter, not only is a working day here in Japan, but this time it is the first day of the new fiscal year (how repetitive of me). This means many things. Begin of a new center, a new Research Associate position (yes, finally something that reads, sounds and looks like a real science job), begin of a warm(er) season. At work, in these first days of the new everything, the email alerts system is so quiet, perhaps these are not good days for science....The office is also strangely quiet, half empty due to the reshuffling of people with the start of the new center, while I imagined it to be animated with the back and forth of new comers waiting to adapt to the new place and secretaries, and all meetings are constantly canceled/rescheduled/moved. Weird days, weird start.

My new desk is bigger now, I finally have space to stretch my legs, and I have a nicer view now, by the window with the afternoon sun shining at me. Work-wise, I actually have to say, nothing has really changed for me, and it means in the past 2 years; only, the climbing up the ladder is happening at a faster pace. Good. My computer voodoo, my Japanese language books sitting on my shelf just to occupy space, my bright yellow slippers, my comfy chair, my stuffed animal presents, they are all taking me company in this journey towards the acquisition of a PhD degree. Oh, yes, this was the other piece of news. The challenge can now begin.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Heavy rainfalls hit Japan on Saturday. It was cold, miserable and wet. The day after, we were estimating the damages caused by the rain and winds. Fortunately nothing serious happened, and miraculously I found all my plants well put on their spot on the balcony. Although the wind was still incredibly strong, and that's why I gave up on a morning jog, the Sunday weather was otherwise gorgeous. Warm and inviting to go out.

For my lunch date I flashed a cute red skirt with a strapless black top, spring jacket and sunglasses. I was dressed to kill, I realized later, and I was not the only one to realize it. I had enough time to go back home and change into humbler clothes before my dinner date of the day, a different one. And while I was in the train, returning home from the city, constantly turning the volume of the music in my ipod higher in order to cover the noise of the subway, it came to me…..

Dinner: meet a Canadian man, compare experiences in Japan, talk about respective exes, yes, the recent ones one is not yet over with, talk about the past, talk about our respective future (again, not together!), goals and hopes, agree to meet soon, kiss goodbye, thanks for the company, go home.

Exactly, a deja vu. But, different people, different parts of the city, different degrees of friendship, different comfort zones…oh, different outfits, yes. I cannot show up at my friend's place in the same nice dress for two reasons. One is that I am cooking and a tight strapless dress is not ideal, and the other one is that I don't want my tight strapless dress being covered in dog hair and drool. No. Love you, cute furry thunder storm, but I can't let you do that.

The train curved, sneaking fast inside its concrete tube, and not even the music by Evanescence could make it against the acute echoing of steel clashing with steel. I was going home in the night of a day when I lived twice.

There is no celebration in Japan for Easter, as we know already, and it is very unusual. I mean, non that the Japanese believe in Christian religion, however their good nose for business should have sniffed money when considering Easter: chocolate eggs, bunnies, cakes, celebrations, food, Sunday lunches with a theme....oh, so much potential for making the holiday into a well of gold! However, none of it happens. Too bad!

Tradition requires that I shall invite friends and celebrate with them. So I did, with the excuse of having JJ and Miranda (yes, they are back!) visiting from Amsterdam and staying at mine for a few days. Btw, having JJ around again means that crazy things can happen, day time and night time, with the involvement of suitcases and open air work spaces....but we better omit that part of the story, because what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. That's the rule. Anyway, for the Easter lunch, I then extended the invitation to a few others and we're set.

Thanks to everyone's contribution we had a lot of food, lot of drinks and lot of fun, and the apartment felt like being back home for one day: busy, loud, cozy, entertaining, even though not everyone knew everyone. The first round of dips and spreads was enough to relax people, apparently! Good job pat to me!

A sad note in the whole event was the very reason why I called a lunch, and that is Mo's departure, on that very same day. Almost 5 years of mocking around in Las (Tsurumi) Vegas ended with the passing over of Mo's rose plant to me. First she, then one at a time, my guests left, and soon my traveling guests will leave too, and I will be alone again. I expect the first few days of regained loneliness will be....ehm....lonely. Seeking entertainment for the next couple of weeks to balance up with some happy times. Suggestions and invitations welcome!