There may be a financial downside to loving your job

On the one hand, it's great for obvious reasons. On the other,
it's puts you in a tricky spot when it comes to salary
negotiation.

That's according to Lee E. Miller, co-author of
"A
Woman's Guide to Successful Negotiating" with his
daughter Jessica Miller. He says discounting the
possibility that you could change jobs puts you at a disadvantage
— and women are more likely than men to make this misstep.

"The minute a woman makes it clear she can't or won't leave
because of family or because she likes the job, she reduces her
effectiveness,"
Miller told Business Insider. "If you approach a boss making
it clear you're not going to leave, why should [they] pay you
more?"

"It's always about what you're worth in the market based on
skills and experience," he continued. "Either your current
employer will give it to you, or you need to go out in the
market." Men, he says, are more likely to embrace this tactic,
meaning they tend to change jobs more often and get the bump in
pay that comes along with it.

And for the record, he says, if you go out and can't get more,
you're probably earning what you're worth.

However, leaving the option of changing jobs open is not
the same as threatening to leave. A more effective tactic is
asking your employer to help you stay in a position you
love. Miller broke down the difference:

Threatening:

"I've got another offer. If you don't give me a raise, I'm
going to leave."

"That could work," said Miller, "but the boss isn't going to like
it."

Asking:

"I really love it here, but I've got this other offer, and
it's a lot more money. Is there anything you can do to help me
get to the market rate? I don't want to take this offer, but it's
made it clear I'm being compensated way below market. Can you
help me?"

"When you ask for help in getting up to market rates, it
engenders a very different response," Miller said. "It's
not about threatening to leave, but about making sure your
employer knows you're happy there ... but other people are
calling."

But, he emphasized, don't lie about having another offer. If
you don't have one, you can go out and get one, but make sure
you're approaching your employer with the truth.