I am America's Senior Comedian (R).

Feed Me!

These photos are of His Benevolence, Christopher King, Supreme Ruler of 3-Space. They are suitable for framing and display in public buildings, over your desk, on coins, etc.

The stage photos, the rubble series, the beer series, and the holding-eyeglasses series are courtesy of Gregg Matthews, Orlando. All others by Chris King.

Clicking the thumbnail will show a 300dpi version.

Generally, the staged photos were taken in the olden days, around 2004. I have not aged at all, so you may regard these to be an accurate representation of what my big fat pot belly does not look like.

When the Government Man decides to stab his fat, dirty fingers at things and initiate non-linearity, you may use these in your newspaper or on your TV show if you like.

August 2010

08/31/2010

Oh, I'm sorry; was I supposed to be on my best behavior? Should I have shined my shoes and straightened my tie for my big day in court?

"That's a secret. It's our nation's highest expression of jurisprudential excellence: secret trials with secret evidence, held in secret. It's all a secret! ...Now don't forget: Be on your best behavior and try not to bust out laughing at this idiot farm we call a national capital."

"We're the Anti-Bacterial Hand Lotion People. And a quarter of our territory has been poisoned because we're simply too stupid to recognize chemical warfare when we see it. ...But don't forget, we're Number One!"

I am the canary in the coal mine. What is happening to me will be done to your children. The criminals in Washington will declare their perceived political enemies to be terrorists. Then your children will die because they cannot work. And it will be illegal to give them legal representation to get them out of their box.

--did the unthinkable, the unwise, the laughable: It actually declared a professional comedian --who had been playing bars and clubs and earning money by making people laugh-- that assclown jurisdiction actually declared a comedian to be a terrorist. Thanks for the street cred.

I guess they're not too serious in their definition. Maybe it's safe to ignore its every utterance.

Why do you think I ignore it? It is a collection of children who snuck into Daddy's tool shed and they're playing with the power tools.

I have about a month's worth of food left in the cellar. I await eviction from the home I could pay off many times over if I could access my tens of millions in ticket receipts. I have no money, and it is illegal for me to work. It is actually illegal to panhandle, even. And it is illegal for me to have friends.

Rep. Ron Paul (R-Texas) said he plans to introduce legislation next year to force an audit of U.S. holdings of gold.

Paul, a longtime critic of the Federal Reserve and U.S. monetary
policy, said he believes it’s “a possibility” that there might not
actually be any gold in the vaults of Fort Knox or the New York Federal
Reserve bank.

Your country is gone. The southeastern quadrant of the United States is now uninhabitable. Is there some part of that you don't understand?

Am I a terriss?

The federal government has got about two years left in it, max, before everyone just ignores it. They'll have bigger fish to fry, like locating food. You'll see people eating each other in the streets, you mark my words.

Am I a terriss?

The Pentagon flew drones into the Twin Towers because they're doin' such a bang-up job of defending the nation from the terriss.

Am I a terriss?

Why are you killing me, Judge? Don't you think it might be useful to get the right guys at some point?

Am I a terriss? Or a national treasure? Why are you torturing me to death? Are you some kind of a monster?

EXCLUSIVE: Tests find sickened family
has 50.3 ppm of Corexit’s 2-butoxyethanol in swimming pool — JUST ONE
HOUR NORTH OF TAMPA (lab report included)

“Our heads are still swimming,” stated Barbara Schebler of Homosassa,
Florida, who received word last Friday that test results on the water
from her family’s swimming pool showed 50.3 ppm of 2-butoxyethanol, a
marker for the dispersant Corexit 9527A used to break up and sink BP’s
oil in the Gulf of Mexico.

...

Then, on “July [23], my husband Warren mowed the lawn. It was hot so he
got in the pool to cool off afterward. That afternoon he had severe
diarrhea and very dark urine. This lasted about 2 days,” she revealed.

...

“Naman [said] our pool water sample we sent him contained 50.3 ppm
[parts per million] 2-butoxyethanol marker for Corexit,” according to
Mrs. Schebler. Tests for arsenic came back at less than .02 ppm.

Let's kill all the good guys

August 29th, 2010 4:27 pm ET

The Central Intelligence Agency's private security contractors, mercenaries such as Blackwater USA (Xe) for the U.S. “locate and assassinate” Americans program in existence according to government officials and reported by Stephen Crowley in The New York Times
received a little more media coverage this week thanks to Chuck Norris
and Paul Craig Roberts. Still hidden, however, is that the program has
been operational on U.S. soil against innocent Americans and is
intensifying. It is not a matter of "if" or "when" the program advances
to include dissidents and other innocent Targeted Individuals.

A Targeted Individual is a person targeted "by extreme forms of harassment such as ... Cointelpro... The target is specifically singled out
for deliberate psychological, social, targeting which has the ability
to destroy their lives and livelihoods over time." (Targeted
Individuals: Frequently Asked Questions)

If you are reading this, you are morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket to my show, which is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian. Tickets are $100 per person, per year. Click to buy your ticket. If you truly don't have the money, you get in for free; otherwise no exceptions to this rule. Thanks, Chris.