Mar 10, 2013

"You have the option of ending the relationship. You know that, right?"

By Marie Marley
Alzheimer's Reading Room

Ed, my beloved Romanian soul mate of thirty years, was continuing to decline slowly and was becoming ever more difficult to get along with. I was at the end of my rope. I really was.

Desperate, in a last effort to save my sanity and the relationship, I invited my friend and colleague, Irene Moore, to lunch to discuss 'a problem with Ed.'

Irene was a geriatric social worker whose mother had died of Alzheimer's, and so was uniquely qualified to give me both professional and personal advice.

A few minutes into lunch Irene addressed the issue at hand: "So, how is Ed?"

"Actually," I began as if flood gates had opened, "he's become impossible to be around. He's often incredibly irritable, angry, mean and even sometimes emotionally abusive."

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I gave her the full details of a recent bad day, when he'd made ugly scenes at both the cardiologist and the grocery store.

"That doesn't sound good, Irene said somberly.

"He's drinking a lot now, too. I suspect his drinking is contributing to his depression and belligerence. But I can't convince him to drink less.”
“I love Ed, but I just don't know how much longer I can tolerate him. Yet I can't possibly end our relationship because I love him and also because he couldn't get by without me."

"Hmm . . . Well, Dr. Marley," Irene said, looking at me with empathy. "You do have a problem indeed. I think he may be developing dementia."

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