Archive for the ‘Conflict’ Category

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” James 4:1 (ESV)

In the midst of a disagreement or conflict, we very easily can point out the flaws in the individual or individuals with whom we are at odds. We can outline for anyone who will lend their ear to us their guilt and our innocence in the matter at hand. James challenges us, however, to consider another source for the tension: ourselves. James suggests that quarrels and fights within the church are motivated by selfish desires within the individuals themselves. The source of the battle is not the failure of the other, but rather the failure of me.

Think about his concept for a moment. When you “war” with someone in your life, what is the motivation for such hostile behavior? (As a side note, I use the words “war” and “hostile” intentionally here, as that is the image James is trying to create in the language of the New Testament.) Isn’t your anger typically rooted in the loss of some fix to a self-centered desire? “He stole my position at the church.” “He won’t let me teach.” “She always gets the solos and I never do.” Have you heard any talk like this at your church? Inherent to each of these phrases is a perceived loss, a loss rooted in selfish desires, and if we allow that loss to linger it can transform into bitterness and appear in anger.

Is there conflict in your life? Are you causing conflict in your home or church? Take a moment this morning and do some reflection. Why are you so invested in this disagreement? What “passion” is motivating your participation? Once you recognize your motivation, submit that to the Lord and see how peace may appear at the most opportune time for you and your family, both at home and at church.

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

Families that resolve conflict together stay together.

If the devil came to you for counsel on how to destroy families, what would your advice entail? Perhaps you would recommend the weapon of mass destruction, unforgiveness. Harmony is poisoned and trust is eroded by unforgiveness. Unforgiveness perpetuates suspicion and fertilizes bitterness.

As a result of living in a fallen world among fallen people, conflict is inevitable. In other words, motion causes friction. It is not a matter of “if” conflict will happen, but a matter of “when” conflict will occur. Conflict is a natural part of life on a broken planet. Conflict is the normal confetti of living in a fallen world.

Every relationship at some point will hit the wall of conflict. As my pastor, Dr. David Fleming says, “Every wall of conflict has a door which leads to conflict resolution, meaningful conversation, and intimacy.” Unfortunately, we often react to the wall of conflict by withdrawing or attacking. Instead of patiently pursuing the door of conflict resolution, we take a short cut and forfeit the potential on the other side of the wall of conflict.

What if we were willing to risk the pursuit? What if we were willing to allow God to navigate us through the process of locating the door positioned at every wall of conflict? What if we decided to resolve conflict together as a family? Could it be that revival would come to the home through the doorway of conflict resolution?

“You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to the grave, to the depths of the pit.” Isaiah 14:13-15 (NIV)

Every conflict has pride at its root.

Before God created man in His own image, God had to resolve conflict that erupted in heaven. Pride infused Lucifer (Satan, the devil), the angel of God. In pride, Lucifer sought to lead a rebellion against God and thought he could dethrone God. However, God is holy and does not tolerate sin. Thus, God “de-heavened” Lucifer.

“The great dragon was hurled down–that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” Rev 12:9 (NIV)

Pride causes us to think of ourselves before thinking of others. Pride causes us to embrace selfishness and self-centeredness. In pride, we forfeit God’s agenda and become absorbed in our own personal agenda. Pride is evidenced by our pursuit of gratifying our sinful nature (Gal. 5:16).

If pride seeps into your home, your family will experience major conflict. Pride corrupts and erodes relationships. Satan is the mascot of pride. He does not want your family to operate in peace, unity, and trust.

Examine the weeds inside your home. Don’t try to cut the weeds off at ground level by dealing with the symptoms of pride. Get to the root of the conflict within your home. As you trace the origin of conflict, you will find the root of pride.

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?” James 4:1 (ESV)

In the midst of a disagreement or conflict, we very easily can point out the flaws in the individual or individuals with whom we are at odds. We can outline for anyone who will lend their ear to us their guilt and our innocence in the matter at hand. James challenges us, however, to consider another source for the tension: ourselves. James suggests that quarrels and fights within the church are motivated by selfish desires within the individuals themselves. The source of the battle is not the failure of the other, but rather the failure of me.

Think about his concept for a moment. When you “war” with someone in your life, what is the motivation for such hostile behavior? (As a side note, I use the words “war” and “hostile” intentionally here, as that is the image James is trying to create in the language of the New Testament.) Isn’t your anger typically rooted in the loss of some fix to a self-centered desire? “He stole my position at the church.” “He won’t let me teach.” “She always gets the solos and I never do.” Have you heard any talk like this at your church? Inherent to each of these phrases is a perceived loss, a loss rooted in selfish desires, and if we allow that loss to linger it can transform into bitterness and appear in anger.

Is there conflict in your life? Are you causing conflict in your home or church? Take a moment this morning and do some reflection. Why are you so invested in this disagreement? What “passion” is motivating your participation? Once you recognize your motivation, submit that to the Lord and see how peace may appear at the most opportune time for you and your family, both at home and at church.

“Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8 (NIV)

Families that resolve conflict together stay together.

If the devil came to you for counsel on how to destroy families, what would your advice entail? Perhaps you would recommend the weapon of mass destruction, unforgiveness. Harmony is poisoned and trust is eroded by unforgiveness. Unforgiveness perpetuates suspicion and fertilizes bitterness.

As a result of living in a fallen world among fallen people, conflict is inevitable. In other words, motion causes friction. It is not a matter of “if” conflict will happen, but a matter of “when” conflict will occur. Conflict is a natural part of life on a broken planet. Conflict is the normal confetti of living in a fallen world.

Every relationship at some point will hit the wall of conflict. As my pastor, Dr. David Fleming says, “Every wall of conflict has a door which leads to conflict resolution, meaningful conversation, and intimacy.” Unfortunately, we often react to the wall of conflict by withdrawing or attacking. Instead of patiently pursuing the door of conflict resolution, we take a short cut and forfeit the potential on the other side of the wall of conflict.

What if we were willing to risk the pursuit? What if we were willing to allow God to navigate us through the process of locating the door positioned at every wall of conflict? What if we decided to resolve conflict together as a family? Could it be that revival would come to the home through the doorway of conflict resolution?

“You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; I will raise my throne above the stars of God; I will sit enthroned on the mount of assembly, on the utmost heights of the sacred mountain. I will ascend above the tops of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to the grave, to the depths of the pit.” Isaiah 14:13-15 (NIV)

Every conflict has pride at its root.

Before God created man in His own image, God had to resolve conflict that erupted in heaven. Pride infused Lucifer (Satan, the devil), the angel of God. In pride, Lucifer sought to lead a rebellion against God and thought he could dethrone God. However, God is holy and does not tolerate sin. Thus, God “de-heavened” Lucifer.

“The great dragon was hurled down–that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” Rev 12:9 (NIV)

Pride causes us to think of ourselves before thinking of others. Pride causes us to embrace selfishness and self-centeredness. In pride, we forfeit God’s agenda and become absorbed in our own personal agenda. Pride is evidenced by our pursuit of gratifying our sinful nature (Gal. 5:16).

If pride seeps into your home, your family will experience major conflict. Pride corrupts and erodes relationships. Satan is the mascot of pride. He does not want your family to operate in peace, unity, and trust.

Examine the weeds inside your home. Don’t try to cut the weeds off at ground level by dealing with the symptoms of pride. Get to the root of the conflict within your home. As you trace the origin of conflict, you will find the root of pride.