I am so lucky! Four beautiful children and a husband who still adores me! This blog is my sounding board for all things Jodi.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Failure... my old friend

My relationship with failure began at a very young age. Upon completing kindergarten I was placed into "Transition." I don't know whether to refer to this year as kindergarten 1.5 or my freshman year of 1st grade. Either way I did not go straight into 1st grade. My mother insists that I did not flunk kindergarten. Ummmmm, mom what on earth do you call it when a kid doesn't go into 1st grade after kindergarten? She says "I talked a lot, they thought I would "mature" and stop talking so much if I had another year of school." Oh mom, how did that work out? :) I am 30 and still can't seem to shut up.

I was supposed to be class of 1999 and instead I was class of 2000. I have a class picture from that freshman year of 1st grade. Of the kids that remained in Benton City, I think only two of us actually graduated High School. So I'm just gonna say that the "Transition" class was a bad idea. I pretty much decided in Kindergarten 1.5 that I was stupid. A feeling I still struggle with today.

I furthered my relationship with failure when I got to High School and failed Algebra not once but TWICE! I just hated it! And I kept on kissing my "tutors." Those "tutors" didn't end up helping in anyway, other then to ensure that I had a date to Prom. (Which by the way was actually my first priority.)

These failures have really shaped my life. The second time I Failed Algebra I decided I would not be attending college. There was no need for me to go to college, I was gonna be famous. I was pretty sure that Juila Roberts did not have a college degree, so there was no need for me to get one either. The crazy thing is that I really, REALLY believed this. College was trivial and for common people. I was anything but common.

If I had passed Kindergarten I would have graduated at the age of 17. If I hadn't failed Algebra TWICE I would have been college bound. That college most likely would have been Wazzu. (That's where my best guy friend was and I'm sure I would have gone there just to be by my friend.) I didn't make the decision to remain Mormon until I was 17 and 1 month. At 18, which would have been my freshman year of college, I wouldn't have stuck to that decision.

Instead, I graduated at 18 years 11 months. I was beauty school bound and committed to my religion. So I went to Utah. The place where I swore I would never go. Five months later I met David. Six months after that we got married. Two year after that we started our family. I have started college but not yet finished.

If on paper I am a failure... Why do I feel like such a raging success? Because I do feel like a total success. It might not be PC to say.... but the reason I feel so happy and successful is because of David. Dave and I couldn't be more different. We have nothing in common. But he makes me so happy. Together we have an awesome life. Everyday I fall more in love with him. All four of our kids are Awesome! I love my life! Without such major failures in my early life I wouldn't have the awesome life I have today.

I am grateful for failure. Having failed so much in my life I do not see failure as a big deal. It's made me fearless and willing to try anything. I know if I fail at something It will suck, I will feel stupid and then I'll get up and either try again or try something new. As a parent I hope that I can install this fearlessness of failure in my children without them actually failing so terrifically in their youth.

I don't believe that the Lord wanted me to fail. But he sure did help guide my life to a place of wonderful through my failures.

... As for my weight loss journey. It's been 58 days and I'm only down 9.6 pounds. I wish it was going quicker. But this is the lightest I've ever been this soon after having a baby. I have to remind myself of this daily.... It keeps me from eating a whole sleeve of Oreos by myself.

My running is going well. I ran a organized 5K on October 22nd. My goal was to finish in 30 minutes or less. I finished 3.1 miles in 29:16. I'm very happy with that. I ran 4 miles on Saturday (un timed) and it felt really good. Almost fun. My new goal is to run 5 miles on Thanksgiving morning. Hopefully in less then 50 minutes. I've got to get my pace to a steady 9 minute mile, being able to hit consecutive 10 minute miles when Heidi is still so little will be very helpful in meeting that 9 minute mile goal.