Lemony Snicket was born before you were, and is likely to die before you as well. His family has roots in a part of the country which is now underwater, and his childhood was spent in the relative splendor of the Snicket Villa which has since become a factory, a fortress and a pharmacy and is now, alas, someone else's villa.

To the untrained eye, Mr. Snicket's hometown would not appear to be filled with secrets. Untrained eyes have been wrong before. The aftermath of the scandal was swift, brutal and inaccurately reported in the periodicals of the day. It is true, however, that Mr. Snicket was stripped of several awards by the reigning authorities, including Honorable Mention, the Grey Ribbon and First Runner Up. The High Council reached a convenient if questionable verdict and Mr. Snicket found himself in exile.

Though his formal training was chiefly in rhetorical analysis, he has spent the last several eras researching the travails of the Baudelaire orphans. This project, being published serially by HarperCollins, takes him to the scenes of numerous crimes, often during the off-season. Eternally pursued and insatiably inquisitive, a hermit and a nomad, Mr. Snicket wishes you nothing but the best.

The Bad Beginning
(The first book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(1999)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

After the sudden death of their parents, the three Baudelaire children must depend on each other and their wits when it turns out that the distant relative who is appointed their guardian is determined to use any means necessary to get their fortune.​

The Reptile Room
(The second book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(1999)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

This story has a happy ending. No, wait, that was a different tape... Dear Customer, If you have picked up this sheet, you have probably not read the warning so clearly outlined in my prior message. This story may seem cheery at first, when the Baudelaire orphans spend time in the company of some interesting reptiles and a giddy uncle. But don't be fooled. The three siblings endure a car accident, a terrible odour, a deadly serpent, a long knife, a large brass reading lamp and the reappearance of a person they'd hoped never to see again. I have made a solemn vow to present this information to the public, but there is nothing stopping you from tearing up this paper and pretending you've never heard of this CD. Then you can sell something that is less unpleasant. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket​

The Wide Window
(Disappearance!)
(The third book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(1999)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Even more terrible happenings concerning the Baudelaire orphans. Dear Customer, If you have not heard anything about the Baudelaire orphans, then before you listen to even one sentence you should know this: Violet, Klaus and Sunny are kindhearted and quick-witted, but their lives, I'm sorry to say, are filled with bad luck and misery. All of the stories about these three children are unhappy and wretched, and this one may be the worst of them all. If you haven't got the stomach for a story that includes a hurricane, a signalling device, hungry leeches, cold cucumber soup, a horrible villain and a doll named Pretty Penny, then this CD will probably fill you with despair. I will continue to record these tragic tales, for that is what I do. You, however, should decide for yourself whether you can possibly bear the responsibility of exposing others to this miserable story. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket​

The Miserable Mill
(The fourth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(1999)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Mr Poe delivers the three Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and little Sunny, to their new guardian, the owner of the Lucky Smells Lumbermill in Paltryville. But far from living in the mill, they rapidly discover they will be working there and even worse, there is a book in the library by a Dr Orwell, sinisterly shaped like Count Olaf's eye tattoo. Each morning Foreman Flacutono wakes the workers by banging metal pots together and directs them through a day of arduous logscraping, with only chewing gum for lunch and damp casserole for dinner. Their guardian, a terrifying man with a cloud of smoke where his head should be, known only as 'Sir', proposes unsatisfactorily that if they work in his mill, he'll 'try' to keep Count Olaf away. Klaus trips over Foreman Flacutono's strategically placed foot and his glasses get broken. He returns from the village eye doctor, none other than Dr Orwell, strangely changed. Violet believes Klaus has been hypnotised, and when they discover Dr Orwell's receptionist, Shirley, is really Count Olaf dressed horribly, her worst fears are confirmed. Dr Orwell herself becomes the victim of the nasty accident at the lumbermill she, Foreman Flacutono and Shirley have arranged. Sir decides to pack the children off to their next dismal adventure at The Austere Academy.​

The Austere Academy
(The fifth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2000)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

More doom and gloom for the Baudelaire orphans, and school as well. Dear Customer, If you are looking for a story about cheerful youngsters spending a jolly time at boarding school, look elsewhere. You might expect that Violet, Klaus and Sunny would do very well at school. Don't. For the Baudelaires, school turns out to be another miserable episode in their unlucky lives. Within the chapters of this dreadful story, the children will face snapping crabs, strict punishments, dripping fungus, comprehensive exams, violin recitals, S.O.R.E and the metric system. It is my solemn duty to stay up all night researching and recording the history of these three hapless youngsters, but you may be more comfortable getting a good night's sleep. In that case, you should probably choose some other tape. With all due respect, Lemony Snicket​

The Ersatz Elevator
(The sixth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2001)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Arriving at Dark Avenue, the three Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and little Sunny, begin their new life with Jerome and Esme Squalor. Jerome is a kind man, but he agrees unquestioningly with everything said by his wife, who is the city's sixth most important financial advisor. The Baudelaires find themselves in a strange world of in things: aqueous martinis (consisting of water with an olive), pinstripe suits (even for infant Sunny) and meals only involving salmon. Sadly, elevators are out, and the children are obliged to walk the many steps up to the Squalors' penthouse. Even more sadly, they soon meet Count Olaf again, disguised as the auctioneer Gunther, and discover that the ersatz elevator is not an elevator at all, but a shaft in which the Quagmire triplets are imprisoned. When they tell Esme of the triplets' fate, she shocks them by throwing them down the elevator too and revealing herself to be in league with Count Olaf. Sunny manages to escape using her teeth, and help her siblings out, who run down the ersatz passageway to emerge - in a spectacular climax - in the charred remains of their parents' mansion! With no time to reflect, they run to Esme's In Auction, hoping to save the Quagmires, but Esme and Olaf escape with the triplets, and the Baudelaires are once more left with only each other to rely on​

(The seventh book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2001)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Dear Reader,

You have undoubtedly picked up this book by mistake, so please put it down. Nobody in their right mind would read this particular book about the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire on purpose, because each dismal moment of their stay in the village of V.F.D. has been faithfully and dreadfully recorded in these pages.

I can think of no single reason why anyone would want to open a book containing such unpleasant matters as migrating crows, an angry mob, a newspaper headline, the arrest of innocent people, the Deluxe Cell, and some very strange hats.

It is my solemn and sacred occupation to research each detail of the Baudelaire children's lives and write them all down, but you may prefer to do some other solemn and sacred thing, such as reading another book instead.

The Hostile Hospital
(The eighth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2001)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Fleeing the village of VFD, after some time in the Deluxe cell for a murder they did not commit, the Baudelaires hide with the Volunteers Fighting Disease on their way to the Heimlich Hospital. Addressed by Babs, who can only be contacted through an intercom speaker on a desk, the orphans start work with the near-sighted Hal in the hospital library of records. Hal says he remembers a file in the records to do with the Snicket fires, but before the children can find it, Babs is suddenly replace by Mattathias - none other than Count Olaf - who plans to inspect every employee in the hospital. Staying late to find the file, the Baudelaires find a picture of their parents with Jacques Snicket, and another, partly obscured figure who may be a writer. But at that moment Esme Squalor arrives - Klaus and Sunny escape, but Violet is led to the operating theatre for a cranioectomy. Disguising themselves, Klaus and Sunny manage to rescue the unconscious Violet, but not before Esme has set fire to the library of records, adding arson to the false charges now facing the children. Chased through the now burning hospital, they make their escape, only to discover that the only way out is to hide in the trunk of Count Olaf's car - possibly the most dangerous place of all.
​

The Carnivorous Carnival
(The ninth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2002)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Everybody loves a carnival! Who can fail to delight in the colorful people, the unworldly spectacle, the fabulous freaks? A carnival is a place for good family fun, as long as one has a family, that is. For the Baudelaire orphans, their time at a carnival turns out to be yet another episode in a now unbearable series of unfortunate events. In fact, in this appalling ninth installment in Lemony Snicket's serial, the siblings must confront a terrible lie, an ambidextrous person, a caravan, and Chabo the wolf baby.​

The Slippery Slope
(The tenth book in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2003)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket lovers, it's unfortunate, but it's true: Book the Tenth is here, and it's as chillingly cheerless as ever! Picking up where Book the Ninth left off, Violet and Klaus are stuck in the rolling caravan and are desperate to rescue their sister, Sunny. Thankfully, they roll to safety by the skin of their sad teeth, but little do they realize that their trek into the Mortmain Mountains will bring them face to face with a horde of stinging snow gnats, a group of bizarre snow scouts, and eventually Count Olaf himself. But Snicket's installment isn't as hopeless as it may sound -- there are many juicy hints inside as to the mystery of V.F.D., the fate of the Baudelaire parents, and even how Snicket himself fits into the whole series. The slippery author's tenth entry includes surprises at every turn -- particularly when a long-forgotten character turns up -- and fans will be aching to find out what happens next in this alpine-themed cliff-hanger that's an important piece of Snicket's puzzle.​

The Grim Grotto
(Book 11 in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2004)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

The eleventh in the dreadful Series of Unfortunate Events continuing the story of the Baudelaire orphans. Read by Tim Curry. Listen if you dare! Snicket's saga about the charming, intelligent, and grossly unlucky Baudelaire orphans continues to alarm its distressed and suspicious fans the world over. The eleventh book in this outrageous publishing effort features more than the usual dose of distressing details. This is one chilling recording you would be better off without.​

Q: Your Wikipedia (online encyclopedia) entry defines you as author, screenwriter, and accordionist. Is that how you would describe yourself?
A: I find that nothing makes people back away faster at a social gathering than "accordionist." Except perhaps "screenwriter." And, even "author" always makes people nervous, so I usually say "writer."

Q: How long have you been writing?
A: All my life really, since I was able to write all I wanted to do was write. I think largely I ended up becoming a writer because I could think of nothing else that I was good at--at all. As a kid, I always wanted to be a writer, and I had no backup plan whatsoever as an adult.

Q: Are the Baudelaire children ever going to be happy?
A: Well, they are happy on a regular basis, just not for very long. Um, are they ever going to be happy permanently? I don't know any permanently happy people, thank goodness.

Q: Okay, then is the series going to end on a happy note?
A: Well, I always remind readers of the Snicket books that happy is a comparative term, so the end will be happier than some people would think, but less happy than others.

Q: When can fans expect the final book?
A: I believe the thirteenth volume will be released in the fall of 2006, although something terrible could happen to the author at any moment and then the books would not be released at all.

Looking for more from Daniel Handler? Check out his answers to Amazon.com's The Significant Seven.
Amazon.com Exclusive: The Horrendous Heap

Experience Snicket in the worst way possible: from the very beginning. Here are twelve books contained in four boxes in one terrible shipment. The Horrendous Heap also contains four unfortunate gifts, more upsetting than an itchy sweater in an unflattering color, including:

*A full-color print of one of Brett Helquist's most worrying illustrations, suitable for framing or burying in the backyard.
*A door-hanger, designed to keep unfortunate events out of any room with a door.
*A full page of black-and-white stickers, fit for sticking wherever unfortunate events arise.
*An iron-on, which can render any piece of clothing a part of the uniform of a secret organization.

Please be warned. This offering is a great deal of misfortune. Lemony Snicket advises against the reading, framing, hanging, sticking, or wearing of unfortunate events. In fact, you might be better off ordering a less horrendous heap, if you prefer that sort of thing.

Make Your Own Misfortune Teller

Fans of the Lemony Snicket books can download and fold their own Misfortune Teller, by following these simple instructions. Once the Misfortune Teller is complete, all that is necesary is a willing victim, er, subject, and let the games begin!
An Interview with Lemony Snicket

Lemony Snicket has captured the hearts of childen and adults alike with the hilariously gloomy series that began, of course, with The Bad Beginning. Amazon.com had a chance to question the author of this marvelously morbid and delightfully depressing series, and the communication was grim indeed. Read the cumbersome communique and see for yourself.​

The End
(Book 13 in the A Series of Unfortunate Events series)
(2006)
A novel by
Lemony Snicket

Dear Reader,

You are presumably looking at the back of this book, or the end of the end. The end of the end is the best place to begin the end, because if you read the end from the beginning of the beginning of the end to the end of the end of the end, you will arrive at the end of the end of your rope.

This book is the last in A Series of Unfortunate Events, and even if you braved the previous twelve volumes, you probably can't stand such unpleasantries as a fearsome storm, a suspicious beverage, a herd of wild sheep, an enormous bird cage, and a truly haunting secret about the Baudelaire parents.

It has been my solemn occupation to complete the history of the Baudelaire orphans, and at last I am finished. You likely have some other occupation, so if I were you I would drop this book at once, so the end does not finish you.