THE NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC MAGAZINE
game of after-dinner speaking is one that
I have never played very much; so I said
to myself, "It will be a good thing to
study up on the rules of the game."
So last week I went up to New York
and had an opportunity to attend a din
ner there at which were present a num
ber of distinguished speakers. The first
gentleman on the program was a bishop,
and he made a splendid speech. I said
to myself, "If it is necessary for me to
speak like that I might as well give up
trying to play this game."
But as the
evening wore on I began to discover
things. I found out after a little bit that
this man had been stealing the speeches
of all the men who were to follow him
on the program; and not only that, but,
according to the statements of the other
speakers, he had not only stolen their
ideas, but he expressed them better than
they could express them themselves.
"Well," said I, "if a man is permitted to
steal the speeches of all the other men
on the program, it is an easy job."
So
when I heard that among the speakers
this evening were some of our most dis
tinguished men, including the President
of the United States, I said to myself,
"This will be an easy job. I will steal
their speeches and I will present them
better than they could present them
themselves."
But unfortunately the novice often
learns some other rule that is equally
as important. In this case the rule I
overlooked was the rule that provides an
arrangement of the speakers on the pro
gram. Instead of being on first, so that
I could steal their speeches, I have been
put on last, with the result that all the
speech I was going to make they have
made; and, as usual in banquets, accord
ing to rule, they have said it a great deal
better than I could say it myself.
But I have discovered one other rule
that is customary in this game, and that
is to choose the subject which is appro
priate to the occasion; and another rule:
confine your remarks strictly to the sub
ject. Therefore I chose for my subject
this evening "geography."
I shall con-
fine my remarks more particularly to
that branch of geography which I dis
covered on the front of a book once in
my father's library. The book was en
titled "The Geography of the Heavens."
I am not certain now whether the book
treated of astronomy or whether it was
a book on theology. For my part I
steered clear both of astronomy and
theology; and, in order to keep off the
ground that might have been covered in
that book, it is my intention to turn the
subject exactly upside down, and instead
of viewing it from the ground I will
view geography from the heavens.
The ways and means of studying
the earth from above have now become
pretty well known. Some of the uses
which may be expected to be derived
from the aeroplane and similar instru
ments have been told you very well by
our distinguished friend, General Wood.
The real uses of the aeroplane in warfare
are so much better known to him and
have been so much better presented that
I shall not attempt to take up your time
with that. The advantages of knowing
what the enemy is doing, with the conse
quent advantage of being able to con
centrate your own troops at the critical
spot-the advantage of rising high in
the air for the purpose of determining
the accuracy of gun-power and giving
appropriate directions for carrying on
work of that kind-are so well known
that it is useless for me to take it up
now.
The leading nations of the earth are
taking up the subject, our own nation
being the first of all to begin it. But,
unfortunately, there seems to be some
hesitation at present. I do not know
exactly what the trouble is. I presume
possibly that if we were to apply the
parable of the talents we would possibly
arrive at something near the present situ
ation. The Department probably feels
that with the small equipment it now has
it is useless to do anything. On the other
hand, Congress seems to feel that unless
something is done with the equipment
already on hand it is useless to appropri-
280