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Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Where I thought I'd be by now

If you'd asked me at 15, or 20 where I thought I would be at 28... Man. It would not match where I currently am, that's for sure.

For some reason, 28 has always been a big deal to me. Bigger than 30. Not like I'm scared of it, but 28 was always ok shit you are actually an adult now. Why? Because my mum was 28 when she had me. When I was 15 I thought 28 was so old and I would totally have like 3 kids by then. When I was 20, I thought - ok maybe one already or I'd be pregnant. Now? Hey, what's wrong with 30?

Here are some things that I thought would be true by the time I turned 28:

I would always have long hair - my mum never let me cut my hair when I was younger because her mum never let her have long hair.. vicious cycle. I cut a big chunk out of my hair when I was like 12 and cried for weeks - I thought I would never cut my hair again, and I had long hair up until I moved to the US - and then I discovered how much easier my hair was to do, how much healthier it was and how much better it held curl. Sometimes I miss my long hair, but I really dig my 'short' hair.

A non sloucher - yeah, I still slouch. I really thought I'd be better by now.

Friends with everyone that I was friends with at the time - yeah, some friendships are not meant to last.

I wouldn't get hangovers - I never got hangovers when I was younger, and I truly thought I never would. HA.

Not blogging - because I never thought I would do this, enjoy it and be kind of okay at it? I didn't even have the internet or a computer when I was 15, and at 20 I didn't even know what a blog was. But I love it. So thank you blogging friends.

I would always be blonde - I could not fathom being a brunette. I had tried a couple of times to dye my hair but it always made me look washed out and gross. I was blonde and I loved it.. then one of my besties took a stab at it and I haven't turned back. Turns out all I needed was a good hair stylist.

Super cool - I totally thought I would be 'cool' by now. I don't think I am, but the best part is that I don't care as much as my 15 year old self did.

A bazillion dollars saved up - because adults don't have shopping addictions and make tons of money. We do have money saved up, of course, but I guess young me thought I would be a millionaire or something. Plus, shit cost money yo.

Eat whatever I want and not exercise - I really could eat whatever I wanted and not exercise up until my eating disorder - I am sure it messed my metabolism up, but also just age... I can't eat a whole pizza and not feel it or see it on the scale. I used to eat bags of lollies with no problems and now if I eat one bag of gummi bears I feel sick.

I would not own a house - I must be the only person in the world who didn't want to own a house. I remember arguing with a girl at work when I was like 23 because my goal in life was not to own a home and hers was. She just couldn't see it my way - I figured I might buy one if I settled down with a guy but at home it is much more common and sometimes better to rent, and there is nothing wrong with it. She wanted to buy a home on her own, on her own two feet - and kudos to her. But it wasn't for me. We obviously own a house now, but I couldn't have done it on my own - nor would I have wanted to.

Eating really well because adults don't eat junk - my mum was an unfair role model because she doesn't like chocolate or ice cream like wtf. I, on the other hand, love alllll the junk.

Good at moderation - goes hand in hand with the junk thing. If I could do moderation like normal people, I wouldn't have had to give up soda.

Good at everything I do and have all the knowledge - because adults are just good at stuff and know everything, right? I remember when I was younger I literally thought I knew everything and what I was going through was different than what my mum was saying to calm me down. I remember fighting with girls at school and she told me if it didn't matter in 5 years, it didn't matter right now. But I was like of course it will freaking matter, don't you understand? But it didn't. I barely remember their names. As I have gotten older, I have realised that I definitely know more than my younger self but I definitely do not know it all. That's ok. Here's to living and learning some more.

Be old - I don't think I am old. So screw you, young me.

Is it just me, or is growing up completely weird? Like totally the opposite of what I thought. I don't feel 28. I mean, I do in the sense that I have 28 years worth of memories and I can remember things that younger generations have no clue about.. But when I was younger I would see someone older and I would think they looked it.. But I feel like I still look like me, I don't look 'old'. I can't sit on the floor cross legged anymore, or move furniture without being sore the next day.. I make an 'oomfph' noise when I get off the couch, but I don't feel older and I definitely don't feel old. Does that even make sense?

Is there anything you thought you'd be doing at your age and you aren't?

63 comments:

This makes complete sense! I remember my parents turning 30 because I was like 8 and thought they were so old! My biggest thing is my career....evn after I graduate college, I thought I wanted to be a business woman and boy, has that changed! Just wish I knew that before I spent $$$ on a college degree! I still don't feel old enough for things like having babies!

Growing up is totally weird! I also still slouch, ughh I need to work on that. I'm better now than when I was younger though! Also I think you look great with brown hair and I'm so glad you started a blog - your blog is one of my favorites to read!! :)

Haha I know exactly how you feel! When I was younger I thought Id have at least one kid by the time I was like 28 and I still dont have any and Im not sure I see any on the horizon right away either! Sometimes you just have to wait to see what life has in store for you. And btw, I love your short hair! Its so pretty!<3, Pamela Sequins & Sea Breezes

when i was a kid, i thought we'd all be living on the moon by the year 2000 haha! when i was in my 20s, i didn't even think what i'd be doing by the time i'm nearing 40 because that seemed SO FAR AWAY and here i am at 40's door womp womp.

I totally had ideas about what my life would look like now, and it is not at all how I pictured, but still pretty great! I really like your hair darker too, it suits you better. Getting up off the couch is a struggle, it stinks getting old sometimes! ;)

I think the biggest difference for me is thinking that you'll be totally grown up and have all your shit together, but now I realize you never have it totally together. Life is a work in progress.

Side note: I used to game and when I was 23, I ended up talking to some kid in NC who was about 15. He couldn't believe I still lived with my parents, and it was like... Yeah, kid. You've got no plans to go to college, so I'm pretty sure you'll find out exactly what this is like.

lol i love this! when i was younger i thought i'd be married with a house and 4 kids by the time i was 24...ehhh thankfully that didnt happen bc i didnt meet my husband til i was 25 :) and I didnt really think about traveling a lot when i was younger and that's something that im SOO happy i have been able to do. it's wonderful when some things dont work out how you think they will. Oh and btw dont worry about feeling like an old lady, i'll be turning 30 this June and I've totally embraced that going to bed early makes me a LOT happier than staying up all night (of course that'll change when the baby arrives). xo jillian - cornflake dreams

Amen on the hangovers. For realsies. I always thought that by 30, or by the time I became a mom, I'd have my shit together and life figured out. Because adults always have everything figured out, right?! Boy was I wrong. I make stuff up and guess all the time. And I'm well on my way to 31 now... Maybe by 35 I'll get it together?!?!

Oh my goodness, I was nodding my head to SO many of these! I say to J all the time that this just isn't how I thought life went. Like, I just thought as we grew older we earned things like "Merritt badges" and suddenly, at 28, we'd be full blown adults just like that. But it ISN'T like that at all! I don't feel like a grown up. It's hard to wrap my head around the things that I thought would be happening by now. Like you, I surely thought my family would be in place. But the idea of getting pregnant right now is like WHY WOULD I DO THAT?!! haha! Growing up is just so freaking weird.

Growing up is weird. I look at kids in high school now and think they look so young and sometimes I feel like I still look like I did in high school because I don't feel like I'm 6 months away from being 30...but I am and it feels so so so weird.I'm with you though on the owning a house thing. I don't really have a desire to do that while I'm single. I like having the option of moving if I want to at the drop of a hat without having to worry about selling a place. The thought of it just is not my cup of tea at all. I hope year 28 is your best one yet!

I love this post! I definitely thought I would have babies by now, but then this little thing called hubby's medical school happened and I was like haha no way! I'm the same with slouching-totally thought I would grow out of it by now!

I seriously thought I'd already have babies by now, but I'm so not ready yet!! I haven't had short hair yet...mostly because my mom still doesn't want me to cut it...almost 28 here and still listening to her LOL xo, Biana - BlovedBoston

Loving this. Also, you with brown hair always and forever because I think it suits you so beautifully and your hair is gorgeous. 28 is definitely an "adult" age, and I'm starting to feel a little bit weird about turning 26 next month. Not because it's "old" or because my mother was married and having my big brother when she was 26 (although that is kind of weird for me to think about) but because 26 is just so... "mid-twenties." And when I was a kid, mid-twenties felt like a lifetime away, like it was a whole other realm of being. Anyway. All said and done, I think 28 looks damn good on you, my friend!

Love it! I'll be 29 in about 4 months and its definitely a little scary! I love your hair brunette! It really suits you! I thought I'd be married, pregnant, probably have a couple kids, and like you said have a bazillion dollars which I definitely don't have! Great post girl! Lots of good points!

i love this idea for a post! and holy moly if that's your hair "short" I can't imagine what long looks like! I agree that brown suits you quite nicely, if you ever get antsy for blonde you could always throw some highlights in there. I'm 28 and 10 months (eeek) I've decided after this birthday I'm done aging. 29 for ever.

The reason you feel sick from eating a bag of gummi bears is because gummi bears are disgusting and shouldn't be consumed.

I love this whole post. I feel like I say that to you a lot. But it's true. I'm not exactly sure where I thought I'd be at 37 but I know that reality is completely different than what I'd imagined. Not bad. Just different.

I thought the same thing recently, I'm getting to the age that my mom was when she had me - and I always thought she was SO. OLD. when I was growing up...because my friends' parents had them between like 20-25 and I swore that I would have kids before I was 25 so I would nevvvvver be an old mom like my mom. Having kids at almost 30?! The horror! Now I'm like um...maybe when I'm 35?My mom doesn't like sweets either....that definitely didn't work out for me. And lawd, my life is in complete shambles compared to what I thought it would be when I was younger! Complete, total shambles. But I think both of our younger selves may have just been a little delusional, and we aren't really the hot mess excuses for adults that we think we are ;)

Haha I love this! I started writing a post like this similar a couple weeks ago with my birthday coming up. It''s weird to think about what you wanted to be at a younger age. I love your blonde hair! You look so good either way:)

So you had 28 comments and I almost didn't comment to keep it at 28 for this post, but then thought, no I gotta comment. I totally agree with you, 28 was a big deal to me too. It's that late 20s thing, no longer mid 20s thing. And you realize holy cow I'll be 30 soon, that's crazy. I don't feel or look 31 so it's weird when I say my age outloud or write it down.

Haha I am so with you on this! I really thought I would feel much older than I do, but I am 31 and I still don't feel like an adult. And my mom made my sister and I have long hair because she always had to have short hair growing up too!!! My mom hates short hair. If it is even close to my shoulders she says "why did you wicky wacky your hair?!?!" hahahaha! I am not really where I thought I would be either, but I am ok with that!

Totally get it! I'm 31 and while I absolutely love my life it's definitely somewhat different than I expected when I was a kid! And even though I look at high school kids and they look SO young to me now, I don't feel much older than 18!

This is great! I totally identify, though I'm not 28 yet. I always figured because I pretty much had things (besides money) under control in college that that would continue as an adult. Nope, not a bit. I have too much stuff, too small a place, I'm just plain tired a lot, my apartment could be cleaned better, I could eat at home more... .the list goes on. I feel very out of control of normal stuff these days. Still working on it. The year is young. I'm not giving up, but I'm pretty frustrated that things all of a sudden got tricky on me. Boo adulthood. haha :) XO -Alexandra

Wired I totally did this in my head today! Like I feel like when I was younger I would have all of this kids by now, because I had a patient today (who was 80) asked me my age and I said 27 and she was like how many kids do you have and I was like none yet, and she's like what are you waiting for?! You're getting old! If you don't have them soon you're going to be an old mom! Also your body won't bounce back like it will in your 20s! I'm like ummm omg! I've never felt old until that lady! Hahaha anyways... We totally aren't old and I dont think life ever goes as planned! Some things better some things not! But I do need to start eating better!

I'm with you on growing up being completely weird- I wasn't prepared for how fast time would start to fly by! I think one of the best parts about growing up is realizing that a lot of things that you thought were a big deal, really aren't.

Yep, there are so many things that I pictured differently for myself! I thought that I would be doing a lot of cooking and making nice meals by now, but it's mostly sandwiches, soup, and other easy stuff!

Yep, there are so many things that I pictured differently for myself! I thought that I would be doing a lot of cooking and making nice meals by now, but it's mostly sandwiches, soup, and other easy stuff!

Makes so much sense! My parents had me when they were 28 too & for awhile I thought I'd be married at 23, have kid one at 25, kid 2 at 27, & kid 3 at 29. I'm 26 & single so there's that...ha. But I totally get the not feeling old or even necessarily like a grownup/adult.

I totally know what you mean! I definitely thought I'd be a mom by now. And at 37, that's not looking so good for me anymore. Gahhh! I sure don't feel 37. I still think there's no way I'm that old! But anyway, you are one of those girls who is gorgeous with long or short hair, and any color at all!

Ahaha girl I could have totally written this. Girl these days you post directly for me. I would have thought I would have a house, a car and three babies by now! Man life does throw us curveballs doesnt it. PS. I totally love where you are right now because I met you!

28 was the age my mom got married so i had it in my head that i should be by then too. ha! nope! its' funny how much changes...or your idea of what should be rather. so many things that i wish i had done by now (back then), i'm glad i didn't, or i'm glad that things went another direction. :)

There are soo many things I could put on my list! And I totally said I'd never, ever cut my hair either and as I type this, I have a long bob.. haha. But overall, I guess I just don't *feel* as old as I actually am, so in my mind, I have plenty of time to get get caught up on everything I still have achieved yet.. or at least that's what I'm telling myself :)

For some reason, 28 was so much harder for me than 30. I really don't know why. 28 seemed like such a huge stepping stone yet 30 was like "eh". I thought I'd be married with a couple kids at 28 and I wasn't either. I'm so glad it turned out the way it did though. I got to do so many things in my 20's that I couldn't have with kids or a husband. :)

Growing up is definitely really strange. I just turned 30 a few months ago and I can remember when I was younger I thought that was SO OLD. lol! I thought I would have my life figured out a little bit better by now...but that's okay. I have a husband, 2 year old, and a house so I'm not doing too bad I guess. But now that I have a little one the whole "career" thing got put on hold for a while

I feel you on like this entire post. Some of the changes are so gradual that I hardly notice them but it's funny to think about how I used to think 23/24 was old (back when I was in highschool)... but I can't imagine being a kid again. Sometimes I'd love to be a first year in university again because it was so much fun but I'm just so happy with where I'm at. I love that I'm at the stage where my friends are getting married and having kids (I'm also happy that I don't have kids yet because I'm not ready to give things up... I love seeing my friends on a regular/frequent basis) ANYWAYS... great post girly. I feel like you always write about things that have been on my mind before or that I can relate to :)

Aside from the funnies (and things like eating endless amounts of food without working out/consequences), I definitely never thought I'd be ending a marriage, moving back into an apartment by myself and starting my life over at 29. We certainly can't plan for a lot of things, but thankfully with faith we can plan around what does happen (I try to remind myself!) :) have a wonderful weekend, friend!

Oh growing up is definitely the weirdest thing ever! There are so many surprises along the way and it's crazy how quickly things can change. Also, I will still never get over not being able to eat whatever I want anymore without exercising...it's the worst!

Isn't it crazy how much our plans change? I wrote about something similar as well pretty recently, so that's too funny I just stumbled across your post! I'm just 23 and I think I have a slight idea as to how I want the next few years to pan out...I'm sure by 28, it'll be completely different! That's also quite funny about going brunette...I've been blonde for years (tried to go dark once...awful!) but I've been thinking about switching it up. Love your blog - will be following! XO Sam at Samantha Rose Says

I love this post so much! I just turned 24, and I have spent a lot of time thinking about what my younger self would think of me. I never really had friends in elementary and middle school, so I think my younger self would be pretty proud of what a social job that I have :)

haha great post! I am 25 now and I feel some of these for sure! I thought 25 was so old - and 28 is definitely up there on my list of scary numbers because my mom also had me at 28 and I just can't see myself being a mom soon ...like I'm still so young in my mind! It's crazy!

Your hair looks good long AND short. Lucky bitch.AMEN on the eating what you want and not gaining weight. Dude. If I had a nickle for every time I thought my metabolism was never going to failed me. IT DID. lol

I was just thinking about this yesterday because my 28th bday is next weekend and I still feel like I'm young. but heck, we are young!! Silly younger me thought I'd have two babies by now and live in my dream home with my dream job and like you said tons of money...yadayada.The good news is getting older is actually good because I am a thousand times more confident and life is pretty great. I just try to shake off those old expectations I had when I was young and naive.

Yes to all of this. I definitely pictured the me in my late twenties as having it all together, having a family, all the wisdom, and money, and a hot tub full of diamonds. My life now is NOTHING like I thought it would be. But I'm happy to be the me that I am :)

I love everything about this post! The not having hangovers thing was hilarious because I was the same way. In fact I went through the entirety of college having never had a hangover despite drinking my way through. Then bam, one morning after an open bar law school event, I thought I was gonna die! Turns out all I needed was free liquor and a reason to drink myself into a stupor (hello law school stress!) LOL