My goal is to share a truth (which might also be misconstrued as a consistent lie) with those who care to listen. What you chose to do with it – twist it, bend it, break it, or accept it – is totally up to you.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Love...it's
something that is so real and true and deep and forever when you're
in the middle of it. And it may be. But I don't think it's
necessarily a guarantee. That's not to say that it can't be, or
hasn't been or won't be...that's merely to recognize that finding it,
then having it, then losing it, are totally natural parts of life.

And
I think when we realize this, and are okay with it, it makes falling
out of love easier, because there really is no love loss for the
person, just for the love affair - which can be completely detached
from any one individual. In other words, that trait isn't singular,
so it doesn’t belong to any one person. It is then that we can
learn to be deep and honest and true and forever friends.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Damn
it Joe. You little shit. If you were here right now I’d beat your
ass. Cuz an ass whopping is what you need right now. Sad thing is, if
you were here, you would agree with me.

You
were one of my skinny brothers. There’s not many of us that are
just skinny through no fault of our own. Most people, either through
a misguided sense of jealousy or just plain stupidity, assume we are
drug addled or have eating disorders. But we don’t. We’re just
skinny. Maybe had you not been so little you wouldn’t have died.
But then, had you not been drinking or messing with your phone while
you were driving you probably wouldn’t have either.

You
were one of the sweetest kids I knew. You always had kind words and
love to offer those around you. You were never one to wait, like most
of us do, to express how you felt at the edge of a coffin. I’m
not sure you got the love and guidance you needed as a child, but it
only made you more cognizant of offering those things as an adult to
the people you felt strongly about. Never once did I see you when you
didn’t tell me how much you loved me or how beautiful I was or how
important I was in your life. And I hope you knew you were all those
things to me also. I’m glad I could be one of the few you could
look up to while you were here, and I hope you are up there looking
down on me now.

You
had problems that needed addressed, but most people at 23 do, in some
form or fashion. But from where you came, you were doing fantastic.
You were full of shit, but never to the detriment of yourself or
others. Your biggest fault was believing you had everything under
control. You didn’t…and there was nothing anyone could do to make
you realize otherwise. Though I do believe that you would have come
to that conclusion, had you stayed with us a while longer. And even
through it all, you never lacked for a smile or a laugh or a joke.
You were in tune with your demons and aware of your happiness. When
things happened to bring you down, you never let them keep you down.
Or at least you didn’t on the surface. I admired that about you.

I
remember our last conversation. It happened less than 30 minutes
before you died. I can’t repeat it – I can’t repeat a lot of
our conversations – but it will always bring a smile to my face.
And a smile for the memory of a kid I hate to say I will never hear
from again.