Tim Parkinson ‘Fantastical Zoology’

The Eggdogfish

A creature created by brain waves emitted by humans during moments of inattention, especially during a conversation. Consequently, it has never been seen or heard, leaving only perhaps a suggestion of its existence in the form of a vague sensation that something might have happened.

Does it see? Unknown

Does it hear? Yes, it can hear human speech and only appears during these times.

Does it move? It is believed to move, bouncing around in front of people when they’re not paying attention, pulling faces, being silly, waving arms around.

Does it communicate? Yes, purely for its own ears and amusement, as it can only exist when no-one else knows it’s there, so it talks a lot of nonsense and gibberish, making itself laugh. Hence its name – Eggdogfish, sounding like a random selection of words – an onomatopoeic name. It is not thought that the creature resembles either an egg, dog or fish, or combination of all three.

Does it speak? See above.

Does it make sense of meaning? Possibly not, as it does not exist when meaningful speech or sense is being spoken. However, as it momentarily lives in a zone of unreceived communication, non-listening, non-acknowledgement between humans, then a sense of meaning would be lethal to the Eggdogfish. Very often the creatures are born around telephones, or where more than one person is involved in an act of communication. Some of these creatures are said to maintain their existence by hopping between multiple zones of inattention in a crowded room or on busy streets or even in meetings in offices or local government. Since the proliferation of mobile phones amongst humans, the Eggdogfish population has multiplied in proportion. Call-centers are reputed to be thriving areas.

Do they eat? They feed off inattention, distraction, natural unwitting disregard, obliviousness, and, to a small degree, daydreams and absent mindedness.

Do they touch? Unlikely

Do they taste/smell? They must be able to discern the purity of certain types of inattention via some sensation.

Do they sense time? Yes, although the eggdogfish may only live a few moments, time passes slower for them compared with humans. Its never been recorded how much, but perhaps a few seconds to humans may equal a lifetime for the eggdogfish. It is also speculated that the creature may not die when their habitat is removed, but may in fact simply sleep in an invisible or immaterial state. Consequently, it has never been able to estimate the age of one of these creatures, although, the longer it lives and feeds, the more excited and hysterical it can often become, resorting to more and more preposterous action and behaviour. There may even be some incredible habitational constructions created by several eggdogfish in areas which have remained unnoticed for days or weeks.

Do they sense colour? Unlikely, although they may be of a colour never before detected.