Jamie King and Victoria Beckham Featuring Gaunt Look This Spring

It’s possible we spend too much time focusing on the plus sized models being media restructured as body positive and not enough time on those likely to be buried even sooner. Our malnourished class of street urchins and deeply bitter Brentwood celebrity models. Karen Carpenter left us at thirty-three. Aretha Franklin is doing Hometown Buffet up right at seventy-four. There may be something to this all-you-can-eat pudding thing.

Jaime King and Victoria Beckham come to mind because I happened to see photos of both of them from today and they reminded me how much Gollum hated nasty orc meat. If Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue has taught us anything, it’s that there is no one perfect weight or size for a woman. Though doctors might argue that under three digits and resembling Tim Burton Jack Skellington likely won’t see you through next winter. HVAC has thrown off the natural order to some extent. Imagine they’re gnus and it’s easier to envision their demise to somber music on a NatGeo doc.

When the chunky ones say how skinny is unhealthy, they really mean fit women make them so angry. If they really meant Jaime King or Victoria Beckham skinny, they’re technically accurate. Name names. Well dressed millionaires are dying here.