For people who have followed me on twitter and read my articles for the last year, you probably noticed several themes present throughout my writing. The themes were usually Cody Hodgson, Mark Mancari, or Shea Weber based. As we saw last year, Cody Hodgson was traded, and so I lost one of my fun narratives. This off-season Mancari signed with Buffalo ending number two of my narratives. So of course, since bad things seem to happen in threes, it was just a matter of time until my third narrative, that of Shea Weber, was crushed before my very eyes, ground up into a smoothie made of shattered dreams and bitter tears, and forced down my throat while the Hockey Gods laughed at me.

For those of you just waking up to hear the news, this indeed has happened, as Shea Weber signed a Flyers offer sheet rumored to be for 14 years at 100+ million. I really wanted Shea Weber in a Canucks uniform. My delusions had gotten so powerful that I was wondering if I should get a Weber away jersey or home jersey come October. I would have killed for him to be on Vancouver. But it appears that dream is over.

So what does this mean?

– It means money talks. People were speculating that Weber would want to cash in on a long term big money contract before the new CBA potentially limited the amount of years you could have on a contract. It appears those people were correct.

– Nashville now has 7 days to match or decline the offer

– If Nashville matches the offer, they can’t trade Weber for a year. Once that year is up, get ready for the speculation to start again about how Weber signed the offer sheet to try and get out of Nashville and that he wants out.

– If Nashville declines, they will get four first rounders. None of which will likely be Shea Weber.

– Shane O’Brien will be at a bar tomorrow either way

The important thing to note here is that Vancouver will not be getting Shea Weber at all. Now, I am not a stupid man, I always knew the Weber dream was a far fetched one, but I still had a sliver of hope that it could be done. Now that the Flyers have effectively ruined my happiness for a year, I will have to finally accept the fact that there is no longer any hope for the Weber dream. It is officially dead. The funeral will be tomorrow at 11 am. Bring cookies and juice.

I was once told, however, that sharing your painful experiences with others was a very therapeutic thing to do, so I am going to do just that. I want to share with you my travels through the five stages of grief, much like I did when Cody Hodgson was traded. I pray I don’t have to write too many more of these.

And so begins, my journey through the five stages of grief….

9:20 pm, July 18th, 2012

– What? Shea Weber signed an offer sheet?? Did Vancouver actually do it??? Wait, that says Flyers. Well that has to be wrong. Ha, stupid Dreger. Always confusing the Flyers with the Canucks. They do have two syllables in their name, so it is understandable I guess. I will just wait for him to update it to say the correct team.

– Oh hey, it still says Flyers. Maybe they are talking about Yannick Weber? That must be it. Yannick must be pretty darn excited about that 100 + million offer the Flyers gave him. A bit much to pay for him, but maybe they see something in him that I don’t

– Wow, those ****** at TSN are really dropping the ball on this one, I think Kypreos might be right about them. It seems silly not to get the correct team for the Shea Weber offer sheet.

– And I mean, it’s not even like Shea Weber is that good or anything. I think he was described as a poor man’s Jason Garrison at one point this year.

– Hey, as @kyleberndt pointed out, the league could totally void this deal because the Flyers are front loading the crap out of it. $26 million for the first year is the rumor. That’s just…….

9:45 pm, July 18th, 2012

- CANCEL THE DEAL, GARY. CANCEL THE EFFING DEAL.

- I mean, what is Holmgren thinking? Is he that much of an a-hole that he has to try and take Weber from Vancouver?? Does he not already have Claude FREAKING Giroux?? How many more marketable stars does one man need?? Go after Stamkos, you turd.

- Why was Mike Gillis fishing?? Scratch that, why was Mike Gillis allowed outside of Roger’s Arena?? What happened to that “handcuff your GM to his desk” policy I asked the Canucks to bring on board last year?? Gillis gets a fish, the Flyers get a Weber, and I get, what, an empty container of iced tea??? What the hell kind of garbage is this?

- Seriously, Mike, are you too good to pick up the phone and give Poile a shout? What, are you afraid that you might miss out on some stellar first round draft picks if Nashville didn’t match your offer? My god, what would we do without the next Patrick White, right?

- HE SHOT THE PUCK THROUGH A NET. WHY CAN’T WE HAVE THAT.

11:31 pm, July 18, 2012

- OK, so let’s say Nashville matches the deal. Obviously Weber wants out, right? I mean, he has to, right? So let’s say Nashville keeps him for a year, once that is up, they will trade him away and Vancouver will be right back in the mix of things. That’s fine, I can wait another year for Weber

- Look, the Canucks can win the Cup this year, and Shea Weber can sign with the Abbotsford Heat for all I care. Just let Vancouver win one measly little Cup, and then you Hockey Gods can do whatever you want to us. Hell, bring back Messier and make him GM of the team. I don’t care. Just give us a Cup.

- Vancouver was probably never in the Weber race, anyways. I mean, look, Mike Gillis was fishing. He was getting fish. He was providing for his loved ones. That kind of giving nature will assure free agents that Vancouver is a great place to play. I can see it now…. “Hey Corey Perry, we’ll offer you 10 years at 9 million a year!” “No thanks, Mike Gillis offered me free fish. I’m signing with Vancouver.”

- I will weed eat the lawn of Poile every day for the next year, I will hold Shane O’Brien’s hair while he throws up, and I will buy thirteen Carrie Underwood albums if the Predators will just trade us Weber next year.

12:08 am, July 19th, 2012

- Sigh

- This is life as a Canucks fan. Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.

- Why do I even bother?

- Remember when Lafayette hit the post? Sigh.

- Remember when Boston beat Vancouver in game 7 and I couldn’t blame Lafayette? Sigh.

- Remember when Tanner Glass whiffed on that awesome pass from Tanev? Sigh.

- Seriously, why can’t we get one break? Just one? Who else wins two President’s Trophies in a row yet don’t win the Cup? Who else has two Art Ross trophy winners, a Selke winner, and Jennings winners on their team, and yet they still don’t win a Cup??

- The Canucks are going to manage to find a way to lose in three games this year, in the first round. “And with that, the Canucks are out of the playoffs after going down 3-0 in the series.” “Shouldn’t there be at least one more game?” “Nope, the league has deemed that Mike Gillis was fishing in illegal waters in the off-season, and have punished him by making the series a best of five.”

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