Loss Of Freedom – Guys vs. Girls

Mr. Peach and I were discussing the issue of losing some ¢¢”š¬…”freedom¢¢”š¬? when you get married. Do you think guys tend to lose more freedom than girls when they get married?Or do you think it’s more of a perceived loss? Ie, the loss is the same, but guys perceive it to be a greater loss OR in reality guys do lose more freedom- if that made any sense. Haha.

Curious as to what people say¢¢”š¬¦ because what started off as a discussion between Mr. Peach and I, led into a fight! No worries – because we got our issues resolved, but nevertheless, I’m curious about your opinion on this subject matter. I know most of our readers are female, but if there are any male readers out there, your insight would be much appreciated as well!

comments

Guest

deesbride,
Guest
03/06/07 @ 2:06 pm

oh sorry. i didn’t address your original question. in our case, i think i perceive higher loss than FI. he seems so excited and happy to be married, and even now he’s shown that he prefers to spend time me than with his guy friends.

Guest

Jilly,
Guest
03/06/07 @ 2:41 pm

I don’t know – it seems like all the “freedom” (e.g., having to check in, making plans, huge life decisions) was all lost when we moved in together. Even before that, really. Marriage isn’t going to change our relationship on those issues.

Guest

JenChen,
Guest
03/06/07 @ 3:14 pm

Hi Miss Peach! This comment is a tangent but I was reading your lil bio (a feature I really like!) and me and my fiances story is really similar to yours! First, im a chemical engineer, and fi is still in school (to get his credential). Second, we were long distance for 4 years for our undergrad. and Third, we also started dating our senior year of high school. Hehe sorry this is random! Just thought I’d share 🙂

Guest

thistleorchid,
Guest
03/06/07 @ 3:16 pm

If anything, I think the freedom will increase. We’ve lived together for three years now and have figured out the me time vs us time already. Now that we’ll be married though, the freedom to decide to spend holidays and important family events together will be greater. Not easier, just greater. I haven’t spent a Christmas together with my FI because our families live so far apart and neither set of parents was willing to give us up at a time that has always been very important to each of us growing up and to our families. I can’t wait to spend Christmas *with* him and share my families traditions with him and vice versa. This isn’t to say it won’t be hard to do, parents are still heartbroken by the fact of us potentially not being there every other year, but still.

As to traditional freedoms, I whole heartedly agree with some of the ladies above – you know when you need alone time and when you need together time and you’re willing to give it to each other out of love and respect. I almost think that if you’re (not you specifically Ms. Peach, you as in the general you public out there) worried about loosing that freedom me time, then maybe you’re not ready for the commitment of marriage. Or at the very least, if you’re not ready to accept that and welcome it with open arms knowing that you each have the other’s best interests at heart, then it’s not that time yet.

Guest

annas mom,
Guest
03/06/07 @ 4:27 pm

hi miss peach-
like you, i was a virgin when i married, and my FI and i never lived together. i totally understand how you feel. it seems that alot of the people here perhaps have experienced the responsibilities of living together prior to marriage, so it’s a bit different for those like us.

you know, i think both of us lost the freedom of being more independent, and a lot of it was the issue of power struggle in the beginning. i wanted him to write out his schedule so i could plan nights with friends around it, and he didn’t want to because he felt i was trying to control him! eventually of course, it worked out where he understood what i was trying to do. i say use the google calendar where you guys can both put your schedules in to work through it! good luck!

I think it was 50 years ago men lost financial freedom–the man gained a woman he had to support, and the woman gained someone who was replacing her father as her financial support.

Now women can support themselves and can even make more money than their husband. Their are changes in life that both the man and the woman makes, both must make sacrafices. Overall the gain must be worth it though, or we wouldn’t do it 🙂

from what I learned in school, guys dont really lose, they give up, a lot of their social life. thats why when the wife dies, the men suffer more, women tend to keep more social networks and the network helps with coping…doesnt sound really happy….

My bf and I use google calendar, too. After a while of dating and being together a lot, we realized we drifted too far from friends and our own time. The calendar helps us know when he/I has something scheduled, and we try to find something else to do. Also, it was quite helpful when an event needs to be scheduled for both- it’s easy to check the availability! Of course, it requires both parties to be very dilligent about updating the calendar. =)

Guest

Jess,
Guest
08/31/11 @ 7:56 pm

For my marriage I lost most of the freedom because I have always been very easy going and he gets kind of up tight. So i do agree I believe it’s just based upon the person and who you are married to.