Morality is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis.

No ideas and the ability to express them— that's a journalist.

Progress, under whose feet the grass mourns and the forest turns into paper from which newspaper plants grow, has subordinated the purpose of life to the means of subsistence and turned us into the nuts and bolts for our tools.

Psychoanalysis is that mental illness for which it regards itself as therapy.

Psychoanalysis: a rabbit that was swallowed by a boa constrictor that just wanted to see what it was like in there.

Satires which the censor can understand are justly forbidden.

Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match.

The closer the look one takes at a word, the greater the distance from which it looks back.

The devil is an optimist if he thinks he can make people meaner.

The real truths are those that can be invented.

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so that they believe they are as clever as he.

The world has become uglier since it began to look into a mirror every day; so let us settle for the mirror image and do without an inspection of the original.

To me all men are equal: there are jackasses everywhere, and I have the same contempt for them all.

When someone behaves like a beast, he says: 'After all, one is only human.' But when he is treated like a beast, he says, 'After all, one is human.'

When the sun of culture is low, even dwarves will cast long shadows. (Wenn die Sonne der Kultur tief steht, werfen selbst Zwerge lange Schatten, famous German aphorism which is contributed to Karl Kraus, yet there seems no reliable source)