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Don't ask me to be an idiot

Tag Archives: Darwin Award

Every 4th of July someone does something less than intelligent (I dislike using the word stupid a lot, but it just keeps coming up) with fireworks and loses a hand or an arm or worse.

I don’t know how many of you are familiar with the firework type known as mortar rounds, but they have a cylindrical launch tube maybe two inches across and they stand perhaps 16 – 18 inches high. The mortar is a bulbous little grenade looking thing that has a long fuse. You drop this round into the tube, leaving the long fuse hanging out the top. You then light it, and run like hell!

A moment later there is a large foomp! The round exits the tube with an enormous force you can feel, it accelerates high in the sky and explodes with a colorful display. I love these things, and if I’m buying fireworks, I always get some mortars. But…

It killed him instantly. Like I said, these rounds exit the tube with an tremendous force, you can feel this force from many feet away. I can only imagine, but it must have been like getting hit sharply in the head with a 5 lb. hammer when it went off. I certainly feel for the friends and family, but damn! Darwin Award.

Please use your fireworks safely. I would like to still be able to buy them next year. Okay?

I guess with Darwin Day just behind us it is appropriate to bring up a couple of Darwin awards. First up:

Snake handling preacher in Ky. dies from rattlesnake bite. Dumbass. http://abcnews.go.com/US/snake-salvation-pastor-dies-snakebite/story?id=22542243 This guy had been featured in a “hey look at me I’m a dumbass” reality TV series. In this case reality rears its ugly head. Don’t tempt fate.

Life is difficult enough to navigate without taking needless risks. Half the time I can’t even get from my home to town without some oblivious fool trying to kill me with their car. Plus I have already taken enough risks to last me a lifetime, having been a commercial river diver for the last 30 years, fighting weather, currents, and idiots in bass boats and large cruisers, as well as having to dodge towboats pushing large tows. I understand that taking risks is a part of getting through life, but behaving in a manner that can easily get you killed needlessly, will only get you on someone’s Darwin Award list. Be smart out there. Life is short enough.