Ive been with my other half for six years, am very much in love with him BUT he works 80 hours a week and refuses to cut them down to spend more time with us, hes told me he NEVER wants anymore children or to get married (two things i really want), now those things i can deal with, i love him and with love comes sacrifice but recently hes been really funny with our DD. He is sooo tired when he is home that he is always moaning at her or telling her to go play or get down off his lap etc, and tonight he was meant to have the whole day off, out daughter went off to her nans last night so we could have a morning together then as soon as i said she was on her way home he got his coat and bag and went to work!! hes not even due to work!! now that to me is a horrid thing to do..what sort of parent would rather work than see their two year old??
now ive asked him not to come home tonight but am very torn, i love him with all of my heart he means soo much to me but i know that things are just going to get worse and worse and that my daughter doesnt deserve to be treated the way he is treated her, but is it better hes around and behaving like that or that he isnt around?? i really dont know what to do but seems that whatever i decide im the bad guy, just want to do what is right for my little girl.
any advice welcome xx

Sat Dec 03, 2011 6:59 pm

Forbidden

Joined: Mon Nov 09, 2009 11:18 amPosts: 0Location: Birmingham

Wow that is a hard situation..
Firstly, financially, does he need to work all them hours? Because if he doesnt, then id tell him to cut his hours down absolutely.
Jus have a talk with him and explain that he NEEDS to spend more time with his family, the earliest years are the most important!
And i think its abit strange that even on his day off, when hes told shes coming home, he goes out to work?! Id be asking him why that is, as that would really upset me...
Like you said, you do need to do whats best for your daughter, so explainj all this to him, and see what he has to say..
Sorry not great advice hun just didnt wanna R&R
I hope it gets sorted for you xxxx

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Sun Dec 04, 2011 9:51 am

DelightedMama

Joined: Mon Sep 06, 2010 6:08 pmPosts: 0

That is really difficult.
I agree with the post above, if you are both financially comfortable, then he should really consider cutting his hours down to spend more time with you both.
I only work 35 hours/40 hours per week and i miss my little boy all the time so i can't relate to your partner not wanting to be there when your girl gets home. Why not talk to him and find out what the matter is?
Hopefully a long discussion can help you both without breaking up

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Sun Dec 04, 2011 7:43 pm

littlestlou

Joined: Fri Jun 25, 2010 6:47 pmPosts: 0Location: Aberystwyth

What has his relationship been like with your daughter up to this point? Could it be that he has had difficulty bonding with her and because of this finds it difficult to spend time with her? If this is the case I can understand why he wouldn't want any more.

On the other hand he could just be selfish - he only has so much down time, and if he can't spend it how he wants, he'll just up and go back to work.

I'd force the discussion to be honest - if he's not able to relate to his daughter, maybe he needs to see a councillor and try to work out what's holding back his relationship - if it's just selfishness, I'd tell him where to go - your daughter will know she is being rejected, and that's just cruel.

I hope that he will come round to your way of thinking, but I think you did the right thing telling him not to bother coming home x

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Mon Dec 05, 2011 10:59 am

babylon1

Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:56 pmPosts: 0

Ouch, that sounds pretty unfair on you hun

Firstly, you definitely need to force the conversation to take place about why he works so many hours if he doesn't need to, and secondly, you need to consider your daughter's feelings in all this as she will notice as she gets older.

However much you love him, it doesn't sound to me like it's reciprocated and you deserve better than that.

Also to say he will never have more children or get married is awful, how much more rejection can he put on you?? I'm sorry to sound harsh, but it sounds like your OH needs to man up and accept his responsibilities, it took the both of you to make your daughter, and he can't back out now cos he doesn't like it - he needs to know life isn't like that.

80 hours is a lot?? Ur daughter will soon pick up on her dads behaviour towards her. I remember my dad favoured my brother and was always moaning and shouting at me and it got to the point where I was afraid of him, I know its slightly different but she will remember, and pick up on it.
Also relationships are a 2 way thing, ur sacrifing a lot, what is he sacrificing?

Is he really going to work? Like that day he left cos ur daughter was comin home

If my oh had behaviour like that towards my kids I'd want to put my kids first, i know I done everything in their best interest,
Id talk to him and warne him if he doesn't change and cut back his hours and put more in with his daughter and mean it! it's over! That's just my oppinion.

Tue Dec 06, 2011 12:11 pm

daisydo12

Joined: Thu Apr 15, 2010 10:40 amPosts: 0

I've seen some ur other posts, u were recently ttc? Do u know Why he have the sudden change of heart? Sorry u don't have to answer as its not related to what ur asking in this post, but he's asking for u to sacrifice a lot! And hes not putting in much family time