The mainstream media is refusing to report on a story about a freshman member of the House of Representatives who is accusing Barack Obama of sexual assault. Their reasoning is that the man is in prison for crimes he committed while in office, therefore his story has no credibility.

The man, former Congressman Derell Brown (D-Washington), is serving a 20-year sentence for campaign finance fraud and violation of federal election law. That, however, doesn’t simply discount the things the man knows about Obama or the details he provided that all add up to him telling the truth.

LLOD correspondent Cynthia Luwhoe sat with Brown as he explained why his crimes and his being a victim of a crime should be two different things:

“He told me that he was the dictator of the Democratic party and the one person who could end my career with a phone call. I was in office less than a week. He completely ruined me. I figured if this was going to be the way Washington DC was, I would play along. Now I’m here and nobody will listen.”

Brown says he isn’t looking for any time off of his sentence or any money. He just wanted the truth to be known. Unfortunately, because of the nature of his accusations, the fact that he’s an openly gay man doesn’t help his cause. Gay men tend to be promiscuous and spread diseases rampantly.

Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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sat·ire ~ˈsaˌtī(ə)r

noun

the use of humor, irony, exaggeration, OR ridicule to expose and criticize people’s stupidity or vices, particularly in the context of contemporary politics and other topical issues.

If you disagree with the definition of satire or have decided it is synonymous with “comedy,” you should really just move along.