‘Lindsay’ Recap: Lindsay Lohan Is Unrepentant About Going To Jail

OWN’s docu-series, ‘Lindsay,’ follows Lindsay Lohan around NYC as she attempts to pick up the pieces post-rehab. It’s clear that Lindsay is making some positive steps, but is she really ready to change and to move on?

Is there anyone out there who doesn’t still feel at least a tiny bit sympathetic toward Lindsay Lohan? Sure, she’s messed up a whole lot, but who hasn’t? And she always seems so earnest after every slip-up, insisting that this time will be different. Lindsay premiered on OWN on March 9, and we have to say that, as much as we’re rooting for her, we’re not so sure that she’s ready to change. Read on for our full recap and tell us if you agree with us, or if Lindsay is really ready to move on from her checkered past!

Oprah Tells Lindsay Lohan: ‘I Want You To Win’

Lindsay opens with a black title card telling the viewers that taping for this docu-series began on Aug. 3, four days after the completion of her 90-day court-ordered rehab stint at Cliffside Malibu.

Before her famous Oprah interview which aired August 18, Oprah asks Lindsay what her goal is for their interview and for the following docu-series. Lindsay tells her that her goal is to be open and honest, to which Oprah tells her, essentially, that she will then call her on any of her BS.

“I want you to win,” Oprah tells Lindsay. Oprah speaks for us on this, as in all things.

Eleven days after leaving rehab, Lindsay tells Amy Rice, the Emmy-nominated director of Lindsay, that she is in a “very good place.”

It looks like Lindsay is looking to get out of LA, however; we see her packing an enormous amount of belongings in order to ship them to New York. Another title card tells us that in 2007, Lindsay had 2 DUI convictions, 36 months of probation, and 3 stays in rehab.

From 2010 to 2012, there was a theft charge, a violation of probation, and 4th and 5th stays in rehab. Gosh, this docu-series is going to be an enormous bummer if it doesn’t end in Lindsay emerging from a wellness cocoon, a beautiful sober butterfly.

In 2013, she was charged with wreckless driving, lying to a police officer, violation of probation, and she had a 6th stay in rehab.

In a talking head, Lindsay tells us that there’s no party that she hasn’t gone to, no situation she hasn’t experienced, and that there’s nothing left for her in having a drink.

Back in New York, we follow Lindsay on her apartment hunt in SoHo. Michael Cormier, Lindsay’s sober coach, is along for the ride.

‘Lindsay’ Recap: ‘The Canyons’ Made $51,135

Oh, now this is rude: a friend of Lindsay’s, Chrissie Miller, tells her how amazing she was in The Canyons, just delivering the most effusive praise you’ve ever heard. Then, we see a clip of the Canyons, with lettering on the bottom telling us its box office gross of $51,135. Rude, OWN! Rude, Lindsay editors!

Running behind schedule on the apartment hunt, it’s time for an impromptu shopping trip at her friend Wendy Nichol‘s shop! Because why not? Because when you’re Lindsay Lohan, why not be late to an appointment because you’ve decided you need to change your dress? Ooh, this better not be an omen of things to come. Lindsay, we’re rooting for you!!

Matt Harrell, Lindsay’s personal assistant, thinks that this docu-series is the best possible opportunity for her to turn her life around. Also, he assisted Prince for five years. Which means we’re obsessed with him.

Moving on, Lindsay arrives at her mother’s — Dina Lohan‘s — house to unpack and sort through her belongings from LA. She tells us that family grounds her, etc., and yet the intertitle tells us that Lindsay did not see her mother at all during her 90-day stay at Cliffside Malibu.

In a catastrophically depressing moment, Lindsay pulls out a pink t-shirt with “Fetch” written on, shows Dina, and Dina is like, “Oh… cool?” and Lindsay is all, “Um, it’s from Mean Girls? My last noteworthy role which came out one decade ago?” (We’re paraphrasing.) My god, you guys. Not only does she keep these mementos from the good times, but she brings them along with her from coast to coast. Shut up, you’re crying and watching Mean Girls on repeat!

Lindsay Lohan On Being In Jail: ‘What They Were Doing Was Just Punishing Me’

Another intertitle tells us that, after 20 days in NYC, “Lindsay still hasn’t found an apartment.” These title cards are super judgmental — please, OWN: even if you’re mega-rich, finding an apartment in NYC is an awful, garbage task. It’s the great equalizer. Still on your side, Lindsay!!

The title cards, whom we now consider to be animate, dear friends, helpfully inform the viewer that Lindsay’s been invited to the Venice Film Festival for the premiere of The Canyons. GQ has offered to pay for her flight, but only if she appears at their event in London. We’re just gonna call it right now: she is emphatically not going to that event. We’re still rooting for Lindsay, but we’re not dummies.

Instead of simply flaking on it, though, Lindsay’s reason for not going makes a lot of sense. She doesn’t want the conversation to be all about her treatment and laments the fact that she’s not in another production and can’t talk about that, instead.

Back in her hotel room, Lindsay sorts out some of her jewelry and tells us that she lost of a lot of it when “those kids” robbed her house — The Bling Ring. We’re not so sure that Lindsay has truly repented for her past mistakes, though, because when she recounts her time spent in jail for a probation violation in 2010, she says that she saw Alexis Neiers, one of The Bling Ring, get released before her. She said:

“The judge that I had at the time kept overruling [my release], even though they were overcrowded. She kept making me stay there. What they were doing was just punishing me, instead of trying to help me. They didn’t get it. It was all about being tough with me, and making me an example.”

We don’t want to be the ones to say this, but we will: isn’t that what jail is about? When you’ve broken the law? Like, a lot? Sure, it’s supposed to be rehabilitative more than a true punishment, but Lindsay was lucky enough to skate on the DUI — which, you know, can kill people. She made the choice to violate her probation, and so off to jail she went.

Lindsay doesn’t want to go to her AA meeting because there are “45 paparazzi” outside — there are maybe 4 paparazzi milling about. She says she wants to go, but she can’t. Amy — the director — asks her if she ever feels like a prisoner. “All the time.”

At a lingerie shoot she agreed to be in for friends, Lindsay has a breakdown because the shoot is not what she expected. She bails. She also bailed on the flight to the Venice Film Festival, by the way. The director of The Canyons, Paul Shraeder, was not pleased, and called Lindsay out at their panel.

Lindsay Lohan ‘Has Sh** Like You Wouldn’t Believe’

“After looking at ten apartments, Lindsay has found one she likes.” Intertitles, stop judging! NYC real estate is a nightmare! Lindsay is upset because she feels like her broker is not giving her enough attention. Michael, more yes man than sober coach, feeds her fervor by insisting that she’s right, that her broker should be giving her more attention!

Michael tells us, in a talking head, that Lindsay is trying to create stability for herself. So, of course, Lindsay requests to change hotel rooms, within the same hotel. Matt is off to make the switch, entering her hotel room which has turned into a Hoarders-esque situation that is truly something to behold. “This woman’s got sh** like you wouldn’t believe. It’s impressive,” Matt says. We think we love Matt.

And that’s pretty much it. It was an anti-climactic end to the episode, but it was certainly telling. At the end of the day, Lindsay says one thing but means another. She’s a bundle of frustrating contradictions and she’s constantly getting in her own way, but honestly, she seems just so helplessly confused by it all that you want her to come out the other side. Hopefully at the end of Lindsay‘s 8-episode run we’ll be able to see that! Our fingers are still crossed.

What did you think of Lindsay, HollywoodLifers? Are you rooting for her or are you just waiting for a hot mess? Be sure to vote and comment below with your thoughts!