Main menu

You are here

How to Be More than a Booty Call?

Different people date for different reasons. Some do it only to have a casual sex partner while some may be looking for companionship or even for a committed relationship. If you are clear that you want a no-strings attached fling, that is your decision but when you wish to be something more than a booty call, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Watch for signs

Before you jump to conclusions about your partner’s selfish intentions – of treating you as a mere sex buddy – make sure that you are reading the signs correctly. It could be that your partner is more geared to expressing his feelings for you in an intimate rather than emotional or even verbal way or that yours is simply a sexually charged relationship but with some amount of emotional investment – a fact which you are glossing over. Some of the signs that could tell you that your partner sees you as no more than a booty call are a lack of common interests, the fact that no matter where you meet your date ends up in a bedroom, he only calls you late at night, you have never met his friends and most importantly he is never emotionally available. If all or most of these signs are present in your relationship, you need to decide whether to continue the friends-with-benefits equation or take steps to stop appearing like a booty call.

TIP: Match.com has many guys from USA looking for meaningful relationships. Search by zip code to meet interesting guys near you.

Dress the part

You can start with the more obvious changes like in your dress sense and appearance. Consider if in your dates, you have been sending out the signal, even if inadvertently, that you are primarily interested in a sexual relationship. Wearing revealing clothes and loading on makeup often results in women being taken less seriously by men. Though this is essentially unfair, it is after all how visual clues and hints are decoded according to social and cultural norms. So if you have been less than particular about how you dress on your dates, start paying a little more attention now. Avoid clothes that are too skimpy or tight and go easy on the makeup. This is not to imply that you should appear washed out but only to signal that you should dress in a way that discourages men from focusing only on the surface. Adopt a style that is not so much sexual but sensual – this will prevent you from being taken as a booty call but still make you appear attractive and desirable.

Set clear boundaries

One of the first things you can do to send the signal that you are not available for casual sex is to set certain boundaries in your relationship. If your guy never calls but at two at night, stop taking such calls or let him know that you can talk during the day. You need to see that he is calling you only when his hormones are raging and he needs to satisfy his sexual itch. Alternately your "buddy" may be calling so late because everything has closed for the night and he does not have to take you on dates or at any social events. There is just one thing possible at such an unearthly hour and that is sex. Once you set clear boundaries regarding interaction and behavior, you will be making it clear that you are reevaluating the terms of your relationship and will not be so easily available any more.

Find out if he is dating others

Guys who are interested in casual sex are rarely into exclusive dating; they prefer having more than one girlfriend on their friends-with-benefits list, usually as a back-up plan when one is working a late shift or has to look after kids. So if you are dating this man under the impression that what you have is a mutually exclusive thing, find out if he is on the same page as you. If he is indeed dating other women, discuss what your expectations are from your relationship. Among the words you never want to hear are things like, "We never talked about being in a monogamous relationship." If it is true, you cannot blame him for being unfaithful in your relationship. So if you want to be more than a booty call, always thrash out the essentials like, whether you are dating exclusively and if not, is it alright if either of you sleeps around or should things remain on a platonic level.

Consider your priorities

Even if you are dating each other exclusively, it is still possible to be treated as mere a booty call. A guy who is emotionally non-supportive of his partner is hardly relationship-material. Man or woman, every individual needs some kind of emotional bonding with a close partner – it is after all what makes us human. But if you find that you cannot get a word of support from your guy on a rough day or some sign of empathy when you are upset, it is certain that you have no use for him unless as someone to relieve his sexual itch. Under such circumstances even if there are no other women on the horizon, it is crucial that you determine where you are in your relationship. Ask yourself if your needs like for love, respect and support are being met with this guy and if not is it worth staying on. If things are vague between you two, it may be worth your while to sit and half a chat with your partner about which way things are headed. While it may be a difficult proposition to get a guy to talk, the results could set you free – if you realize that your partner wants to be with you, you can explain to him that you are looking for more than a sexual relationship; on the other hand if your guy is clear that he only wants a no-strings attached thing, you can move on to possibilities of a more respectful, mutually satisfying relationship.