On Not Being a Victim

Making a
series of programmes for the BBC on morality in the twenty-first century, I felt
I had to travel to Toronto to have a conversation with a man I had not met before,She was in accute, incessant pain
Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson. Recently he has become an
iconic intellectual for millions of young people, as well as a figure of caricature
and abuse by others who should know better.1
The vast popularity of his podcasts – hours long and formidably intellectual – suggests
that he has been saying something that many people feel a need to hear and are
not adequately hearing from other contemporary voices.

During our conversation there was a moment of searing intensity.
Peterson was talking about his daughter Mikhaila. At the age of six, she was found
to be suffering from severe polyarticular juvenile idiopathic arthritis. Thirty-seven
of her joints were affected. During her childhood and teen years, she had to
have a hip replacement, then an ankle replacement. She was in acute, incessant
pain. Describing her ordeal, Peterson’s voice was wavering on the verge of
tears. Then he said:

One of the things we were very careful about and talked with her a lot
about was to not allow herself to regard herself as a victim. And man, she had reason to regard
herself as a victim … [but] as soon as you see yourself as a victim … that
breeds thoughts of anger and revenge – and that takes you to a place that's
psychologically as terrible as the physiological place. And to her great credit I would say this is
part of what allowed her to emerge from this because she did eventually figure
out what was wrong with her, and by all appearances fix it by about 90%. It’s unstable but it’s way better because of
the fact that she didn't allow herself to become existentially enraged by her
condition … People have every reason to construe themselves as victims. Their lives are characterised by suffering
and betrayal. Those are ineradicable experiences. [The question is] what's the
right attitude to take to that – anger or rejection, resentment, hostility,
murderousness? That’s the story of Cain and Abel, [and] that's not good. That
leads to Hell.

As soon as I heard those words I understood what had led me to this man,
because much of my life has been driven by the same search, though it came
about in a different way. It happened because of the Holocaust survivors I came
to know. They really were victims of one of the worst crimes against humanity
in all of history. Yet they did not see themselves as victims. The
survivors I knew, with almost superhuman courage, looked forward, built a new
life for themselves, supported one another emotionally, and then, many years
later, told their story, not for the sake of revisiting the past but for the
sake of educating today’s young people on the importance of taking
responsibility for a more human and humane future.

But how is this possible? How can you be a victim and yet not see
yourself as a victim without being guilty of denial, or deliberate
forgetfulness, or wishful thinking?

The answer is that uniquely – this is what makes us Homo sapiens – in
any given situation we can look back or we can look forward. We can ask: “Why
did this happen?” That involves looking back for some cause in the past. Or we
can ask, “What then shall I do?” This involves looking forward, trying to work
out some future destination given that this is our starting point.

There is a massive difference between the two. I can’t change the past.
But I can change the future. Looking back, I see myself as an object acted on
by forces largely beyond my control. Looking forward, I see myself as a
subject, a choosing moral agent, deciding which path to take from here to where
I want eventually to be.

Both are legitimate ways of thinking, but one leads to resentment,
bitterness, rage and a desire for revenge. The other leads to challenge,
courage, strength of will and self- control. That for me is what Mikhaila
Peterson and the Holocaust survivors represent: the triumph of choice over
fate.

Jordan Peterson came to his philosophy through his own and his father’s
battles with depression and his daughter’s battle with her physical condition. Jews came to it through the life-changing teachings
of Moses, especially in the book of Deuteronomy. They are epitomised in the opening
verses of our parsha.

See, I am setting before you
today a blessing and a curse: the blessing, if you heed the commandments
of the L‑rd your G‑d that I am giving
you today; and the curse, if you do not heed
the commandments of the L‑rd your G‑d,
but stray from the way I am commanding you today … 2

Throughout Deuteronomy, Moses keeps saying: don’t think your future will
be determined by forces outside your control. You are indeed surrounded by
forces outside your control, but what matters is how you choose. Everything
else will follow from that. Choose the good and good things will happen to you.
Choose the bad, and eventually you will suffer. Bad choices create bad people
who create bad societies, and in such societies, in the fullness of time, liberty
is lost. I cannot make that choice for you.

The choice, he says again and again, is yours alone: you as an
individual, second person singular, and you as a people, second person plural. The
result was that remarkably, Jews did not see themselves as victims. A key
figure here, centuries after Moses, was Jeremiah. Jeremiah kept warning the
people that the strength of a country does not depend on the strength of its
army but on the strength of its society. Is there justice? Is there compassion?
Are people concerned about the welfare of others or only about their own? Is
there corruption in high places?

Do religious leaders overlook the moral failings of their people,
believing that all you have to do is perform the Temple rituals and all will be
well: G‑d will save us from our enemies? Jeremiah kept saying, in so many
words, that G‑d will not save us from our enemies until we save ourselves from our
own lesser selves.

When disaster came – the destruction of the Temple – Jeremiah made one of
the most important assertions in all history. He did not see the Babylonian
conquest as the defeat of Israeland its G‑d. He saw it as the defeat of
Israel by its G‑d. And this proved to be the salvaging of hope. G‑d is
still there, he was saying. Return to Him and He will return to you. Don’t
define yourself as a victim of the Babylonians. Define yourself as a free moral
agent, capable of choosing a better future.

Jews paid an enormous psychological price for seeing history the way
they did. “Because of our sins we were exiled from our land,” we say repeatedly
in our prayers. We refuse to define ourselves as the victims of anyone else,
Egyptians, Assyrians, Babylonians, fate, the inexorability of history, original
sin, unconscious drives, blind evolution, genetic determinism or the inevitable
consequences of the struggle for power. We blame ourselves: “Because of our
sins.”

That is a heavy burden of guilt, unbearable were it not for our faith in
Divine forgiveness. But the alternative is heavier still, namely, to define
ourselves as victims, asking not, “What did we do wrong?” but “Who did this to
us?”

“See, I
am setting before you today a blessing and a curse.” That was Moses’ insistent message in
the last month of his life. There is always a choice. As Viktor Frankl said,Never define yourself as a victim
even in Auschwitz there was one freedom they could not take away from us: the
freedom to choose how to respond. Victimhood focuses us on a past we can’t
change. Choice focuses us on a future we can change, liberating us from being
held captive by our resentments, and summoning us to what Emmanuel Levinas
called Difficile Liberte, “difficult freedom.”

There really are victims in this world, and none of us should minimise
their experiences. But in most cases (admittedly, not all) the most important
thing we can do is help them recover their sense of agency. This is
never easy, but is essential if they are not to drown in their own learned
helplessness. No one should ever blame a victim. But neither should any of us
encourage a victim to stay a victim. It took immense courage for Mikhaila
Peterson and the Holocaust survivors to rise above their victimhood, but what a
victory they won for human freedom, dignity and responsibility.

Hence the life changing idea: Never define yourself as a victim.
You cannot change your past but you can change your future. There is always a
choice, and by exercising the strength to choose, we can rise above fate.

The fact that he has been
accused of being an anti-semite makes me deeply ashamed of those who said this.
There is enough real antisemitism in the world today for us to focus on the
real thing, and not portray as an enemy a man who is a friend.

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks is the former Chief Rabbi of Great Britain and the British Commonwealth. To read more writings and teachings by Lord Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, or to join his e‑mail list, please visit www.rabbisacks.org.

Sefira Ross is a freelance designer and illustrator whose original creations grace many Chabad.org pages. Residing in Seattle, Washington, her days are spent between multitasking illustrations and being a mom.

Re'eh (see) It is the ability to see options, choices. Observe the results of people who overcome the most horrendous of inhumane struggles. This article clearly gives examples of 'seeing' what is written can be achieved. Thank you.
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AnonymousLos AngelesAugust 8, 2018

This was a very hear warming and inspiring article, thank you Rabbi Sacks. For those interested I just read an amazing book, by Dr Edith Edger called 'The Choice', a Holocaust survivor herself, discussing this idea. It was a the best book I've read in a while!
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Helen DuddenBristolAugust 8, 2018

It feels so difficult to start with. Rabbi Sacks has written, as he always does, in understanding the human frailty. Disability is not easy.I've just beginning to learn, that feeling angry, was not going to help me in any way to live my life. It took me a while.Sitting down, helps you study. A wheel chair, makes mobility easier I'm a little shorter in height.The article as always, is informative and easy to understand.This article will help many others who struggle with various issue's.A young person, who struggles so bravely.
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Nathan KofmanPlacentiaAugust 7, 2018

"That is a heavy burden of guilt, unbearable were it not for our faith in Divine forgiveness."

God can forgive infinite times, and loves unconditionally. People have limits on their forgiveness. God is not a human being. He can forgive any number or degree of transgressions. He only desires a relationship. He wants to become powerful and capable so we can bring light to wherever we go, and whatever we do. When we break our connection with Him he only asks we return (teshuvah).
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Adele Mischel. MSWBostonAugust 7, 2018

Dear Rabbi Sacks, what a powerful article and at this time of my life how appropriate for me. As a small child in the Shoah, I understood even at a tender age, the meaning of suffering. Even then a strong faith I had seen from my parents and particularly so from my beloved grandfather that the path I would lead existentially was a path I would lead all of my life.

Certainly I am a realist.....I recognize evil where it exists, however I also see the goodness and beauty in life......the wonder given to us each day in the ways of HaShem and his love for us all. It is impossible for us to “close our eyes” to these blessings. Then choosing to live in the state of victim hood becomes so self destructive, and is itself “evil” from this perspective, in my view.

Now in the “age of wisdom” and fighting my last illness, even now, at this very hard time, I feel courageous and strong....”I have done good” I tell myself.
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This was an excellent and meaningful read! Thank you for taking the effort to compose such an inspiring message that is so powerfully grounded in the veracity of our faith. God bless you! -Michael
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