a figment of reality's imagination

An Interview With…Ben

>Ben is a 1 year old Chocolate Lab. He has been staying here since last week while his owner, Morne who I work with has taken his boys across the coast to get out of Christchurch after the quake.

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Ben and Tash…why does he always have the grin on his face???

﻿ Me;Hi Ben, so good for you to take the time out to have this chat, I know how busy you are crapping on my lawn, and trying to impregnate my bitch.Ben; Woof!

Now for the purpose of the interview, I will translate as best I can. My Choco is a bit scratchy having had a Black Lab of my own here, but bear with me. Some of this interview may be lost in translation and I apologise to you dog-lovers out there…

Ben; No sweat. It was getting hot anyway so a break in the shade is cool.Me; Ha ha! If you’ll excuse the pun!?Ben; Huh?Me; OK, sorry, let’s move on. So, last Tuesday, being closer to town than my dogs, talk me through the shakes.Ben; Oh yeah, what a wild afternoon! There I was barking through the fence at the neighbour’s Siamese when I thought she had struck out at me and I was knocked back on my back. Next thing I know, all hell has broken loose and I could hear my locals yelping and barking out to everyone.Me; Wow! That must’ve been pretty hectic? What did you do?Ben; I rushed back to the fence to check on the cat I had been chatting to, and there she was rubbing her head where a pot plant fell off the fence and hit her. I thought “great, serves the smart-arse right”.﻿

Ben and his wandering eye…

﻿ Me; OK…so what brings you out here to the country?Ben; That bastard owner of mine and his annoying little brats…don’t get me wrong, I love being here, but I can’t believe they didn’t take me with them. So I left a little leaving present in the truck!Me: What, you’d rather be on the Coast?Ben; Nah…it’s just I wish I was there as they don’t realise I can break into the house and steal food, and beers. You have pretty tight security here.Me; And what you been doing while you’re here?Ben; Well me and your biarch, Tash, have been getting on, but every time I try to show her a good time, she snaps at me. What? Am I moving too fast?Me; Ben, you tried to hump her within 20mins of being here!Ben; Oh, is that not how it’s done? My owner, he makes moves before the girls give their name…certainly before he’s paid for them.Me; Ummmm, right, moving on.Ben; Hey, and I’m loving the feed. What’s that thing you do with my bikkies?Me; What? I put them in a bowl…Ben; Well, hey, that’s cool, that’s pretty swanky. (Looking at Scuzzy) Oi! What ya up to? Want me to show you a good time?Me; Rightio…let’s wrap it up there…Ben: What did I say???