The Worst Cover Letter Ever Written

Last week,
CareerBuilder released the results of a study
on the “Most Outrageous Resume Mistakes and Creative Techniques that Worked,” which included a list of the most unusual (and memorable) applications that had ever come across managers' desks.

We thought about just presenting the list to you, but what fun would that be? So instead, we decided to create a cover letter of our own, showing you all of the mistakes in action.

Sit back, relax in your hammock, and enjoy—12 mistakes from a job-seeker named Ted. And yes, though Ted is fictional—all of his mistakes really happened.

Dear Hiring Manager,

Hi there. As you probably saw, I’m Ted. And I am applying for the Manager position posted on your website. Why? Well, let’s be honest:
to make dough
. But I also think it would be a great fit for me.

First things first: Why I am
in a hammock
. Well, it gives you a great snapshot of who I am. I’m relaxed, I’m friendly, and I’m GREAT at working with people! In fact, someone once called me “a people person for people people!”
LOL!

But there are a few things the photo doesn’t show, but that are also very important to tell you. (Note: This section should be
sung aloud to the tune of
The Brady Bunch
theme song
.)

Here's the story of good manager

Who has managed teams of up to twenty-three.

Hard, you say? Not so much,

Because he
came from a mob family
.

Yes that’s the story, of my family,

But that’s how I became good at my job,

I can get people to do exactly what I want,

Always! Yes, thank you mob.

I am also skilled at project management, marketing, and
gator-hunting
(you’d be surprised how often that comes in handy!), and my professionally-relevant hobbies include photography, web development, and
phishing
. It also may be of interest to you that I was the
Homecoming Prince of my high school senior year
—yup, I’m a looker!

In short, if you are looking to add a smart, creative, good-looking, and
deetail-oriented
managerial genius to your team, I am your guy.

I would like to
invite you to my apartment
so I can share with you how my skills and ideas can benefit your company. (Though if it is easier, I can come to you.)

Thanks for your consideration; I look forward to hearing from you soon!

Sincerely,

Ted

P.S. I also saw that you have an office in Antarctica—and let me assure you that, if I ever need to travel there, I am
fully fluent in Antarctican
.