A man walked into a convenience store, with knife, to do some thieving. He didn’t expect to be confronted by two armed shopkeepers. Also, the term “armed” is used loosely here. Being “armed” in the United States usually refers to a lead-pelting projectile of the awesome kind. Apparently in Australia, “armed” is grabbing whatever’s nearby in a desperate attempt to survive.

At approximately 12:40pm local time on Saturday, a hooded man entered the store on Hemmings Street in Melbourne, Victoria and threatened staff, including a 14-year-old store clerk with a 30cm knife, demanding cash from the register.

The quick-thinking shop assistant grabbed what appears to be a metal bar and chased the would-be thief out of the store, followed by another similarly-armed member of staff.

The suspect evaded authorities and is still on the run, Victoria Police said in a statement.

No one was injured in the incident.

“You call that a knife? This is my giant pole, you bloody animal.”

So don’t bring puny knives to a pole fight, lest you’re hoping to PR in convenience store sprinting. These clerks seemed to know what they were doing and it may have just saved their lives or, in the very least, their tender. Other victims of violent crimes in Australia aren’t so lucky. Despite the ban on guns, criminals still manage to find a way to get their hands on guns. You know, since they’re criminals and care as much about following the law as a rainbow-haired lesbian feminist cares about body odor (see Australia’s Gun Ban Results in More Guns Than Ever… New Findings).

This is what it’s come to in Australia. Innocent shopkeepers have to resort to grabbing whatever spare metal lingers nearby to defend themselves. These guys got lucky this time, but imagine the headaches and world of hurt Australians could be spared had they access to proper self defense. “Lock and load” would have a whole new meaning. Instead of “pull some pipes from the kitchen sink.”

Instead, Australian citizens can’t have guns because the government has deemed them too unsafe — but when it comes to circumstances where guns can be the difference between life or death, the government suddenly cares very little about safety. Risking innocent lives for a shot at virtue signaling is a risk they’re willing to take. #Caring