A seasoned infertile rambling about the emotional roller coaster of trying to live with Primary Infertility,PCOS,and Male Factor Infertility.

Isaiah 40:31

"They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall walk and not be weary, they shall run and not faint." Isaiah 40:31

Monday, March 31, 2008

Necessary Roughness

I had a good weekend. We didn't do anything spectacular, but we did have some QT (quality time) together. We talked like we hadn't talked in a long while. I had felt disconnected from Angel because we both work so much. We really had some good "AH HA" moments and I feel like we reached a new level in our relationship. I had to share this. He is so precious.We picked up our plates for supper Saturday night from the kitchen and made way to the table. I turned around and gave him a kiss. Then, he said one of the sweetest things he has ever said to me. He said, "See, We are still on the same page. A second before you turned around, I was going to tell you to turn around and kiss me." So things aren't as bad as I thought. We just need some time together. And I might have to increase his desire for a child to a 9 out of 10. Of course the conversation got around to children. And I asked,"Do you still want to have children?" and he said,"Would I be doing all this if I didn't want children?" I said,"That's not an answer." And he looked straight in my eyes and said ,"Yes I want children, very much." I don't see his feelings very often. But at that moment, I saw it. His desire for a child was written on his face.Do ya'll do this? We have this shielding thing we do. If its bad, we try to not keep it from each other, but shield the other one from the pain. So if one of us seems to fall apart, then the other stands strong. Sometimes, this is not the best way to handle things. But after my tears fell yesterday, he said,"Okay, so are you ready to come out of the fog now? Things aren't as bad as they seem." So he was right. I had to have my little pity party, and now, I'm good. I like the things he says when they sting a little. It snaps me out of the fog. Makes me stand back and look at the big picture. We are so very blessed to have so very much in this life. The most important thing is that we have people that love us. Is that not the best feeling in the world?

I Corinthians 13 Love is patient; love is kindand envies no one.Love is never boastful, nor conceited, nor rude;never selfish, not quick to take offense.There is nothing love cannot face;there is no limit to its faith,its hope, and endurance.In a word, there are three thingsthat last forever: faith, hope, and love;but the greatest of them all is love.

This just happened to be the verse that Angel said to me when he proposed marriage. I hope I'm not blabbing too much about dh. It just seems to me, at this stage in the game, it is so important to have the one you love on the same page with you. The relationship will be tested so many times with infertility. As I have said before, its not all roses. But together, we can make it.

Our Family

Some day, Some how...

"Before there were more" came about as a title because on the infertility blogs I've read, they have ended up being parents some way (IVF,IUI,Donor Gametes, Adoption, Fostering, etc). I am so thankful to say, we have made it to the "other side". I never will forget how arduous the journey to get here was, and I will never forget my fellow IFers.