1995 Letters

What follows are, for the most part, excerpts from a series of letters to two friends: one lives in England, the other in Canada. The exchange allowed me to write about my experiences for the first time, and for that I owe both of my friends boundless gratitude and thanks, especially for encouraging me to make our correspondence available to a wider audience.

1995 Letters was last modified: April 25th, 2014 by Roger Hamstra

Permanent link to this article: http://www.lightseekinglight.com/1995-letters/

When I finished up that long string of work I was totally fed up with my life—felt like I had to be anybody else but myself in order to survive, and if I was myself I’d starve to death. I’d got to the point where surviving was nothing but a nuisance, and a waste of …

Ok, now I’m going to try to write about things I haven’t written about before—I’ve written around them, but not directly at them, if you know what I mean. Whenever I think about telling someone else about this I immediately start getting all kinds of ‘interference’—can’t think clearly, get distracted easily, find something else to …

The point of doing the dream yoga, etc, isn’t really about having lucid dreams, or out of body experiences—these are sort of ‘teasers’ to keep a practitioner motivated. It’s similar to doing yoga practices to develop siddhis—supernatural powers and abilities—people see these as the goals and do the practice ardently, but usually when they get …

A lot of spiritual traditions arise because of the attitudes of one person in a state of enlightenment who is speaking from his relative position (point of view), and then these statements are ‘canonized’ into a ‘way of being’ that, if followed, will lead to enlightenment. The idea of equanimity is one of these canonized …

Actually, my ‘model’ isn’t Jungian, but from alchemy and the Kabbalah—the spiritual, or alchemical marriage, which surprised me because I hadn’t seen any of the drawings or diagrams of the alchemists or Kabbalists, either Jewish or Christian, until well after I had had the images become part of my own thinking—and both forms of Kabbalah …

I find that every day I face dealing with the problems of survival—food, money, health, and so on—and I’m constantly asking myself “what am I getting back for all of this foolishness”—I work so I can make money to buy food so I can have energy to work to make money to buy food so …

You wrote: “what if there is no “normal” and you no longer “return” to it? when consciousness of some “body”, some outer skin between “me” and the “environment” falls away…the happy delusion of me and them or it or other that calm happy separateness that we all meditate to go beyond…and then there is no …

One dream had a lot of impact on me—I was very depressed for a couple of months afterward when I realized the impact of it. I dreamed I was standing in the quadrangle of the university I went to, and was surrounded by this intense gold light. I had just come back from ‘higher’ places …

I have had to spend a lot of time and energy on the male/female thing because I needed to figure out my own balance. Perhaps it’s best if I give you some of my own experiences so you can see why. In the quotes I sent you last night I said something about being balanced …

Ok, I’m going to start on this topic, but I don’t know where I’m going to wind up because it’s such a large and important area—I may just keep writing until I run out of steam or then again I may make a bunch of general statements and observations and we can pursue them over …

More on the matter of balance—as the heart area balances, the difference/indifference, desire/desirelessness, emotion/emotionlessness quotient changes depending on the individual—I went from being very detached and indifferent (I used to meditate up to 9 hrs a day when I was in Nelson) to being quite a bit more emotional, full of desires—and yet not caring …

A dream: I was standing on this large flat plane and there were a lot of people walking around, and there was this large staircase near me that I had just finished building. The staircase was solidly on the plane, but went up to just above my head and then disappeared from sight—it appeared to …

Maybe I should speak more from personal experience—when I’m running around in the world being a person, being a carpenter, eating, talking, feeling tired, feeling energized, I feel that I’m somehow off to my left side, for want of a better way of saying it, and that my attention, my consciousness, is focused towards the …

Remember all the stuff I wrote about beings wanting to maintain the status quo of the world? When you effect things prior to creation it isn’t just a matter of ” causing the right people to appear at the right time etc”. If you ‘radiate’ the light of the sun, so to speak, you will …