Human beings have a great many qualities both positive and negative. We have the capacity to love and be kind and nurturing. We have the capacity for generosity and caring. As a species we are hard wired like many of the animal kingdom to be social and tribal. We are better as a collective working together. However, we have the need for individualism, our free will of self determination and to make our own choices.

We are as a species capable of great cruelty unkindness, greed and prejudice. These are just some of the negative qualities that human beings are capable of. We are in part driven by fear when we should be driven by love. Our subconscious is tasked with fight, flight or freeze and is there to keep us safe; however, our subconscious minds do not always work in our best interests.

The path to inner peace of mind begins by being brave enough to move forward taking one step at a time

Some unhappy people are in a prison of their own hatred and prejudice and the beliefs they hold about themselves and who they are. Some of those prejudices, dislikes, fears, hatreds may be born out of experience whilst some are generational beliefs passed on from generation to generation. The person who doesn’t question those beliefs is in reality living someone else’s perceived truth and not living their own lives through their own objectivity. We should in essence question everything done and judge things by our own ideals assuming we are strong enough to be of independent thought and reasoning.

Some people will unknowingly subconsciously sabotage their own happiness and success because of what is going on beneath the surface. It’s not until a person is prepared to hold a mirror up to their soul and stare at the true reflection they see staring and then decide to let go of what isn’t helping them in life that progress and change can be made. That change has to come from within. No one can help a person to change who isn’t brave enough to take the plunge. We can try to help people through kindness, listening, advice etc but ultimately the person who knows that they have a problem and who knows that in order to feel better and knows that they need to change is the only person who can make that change. Family, friends, professionals can ‘facilitate’ but change has to come from a deep desire and willingness to do whatever it takes. Some people are strong enough to do this and work with what they see and challenge the unconscious beliefs and behaviours held deep and some people will freeze in the light of what they see and remain stuck in fear not wanting to let go because their pain is knowable and familiar and it is fear of letting go and what is on the other side that keeps them stuck.

Over the last ten years I have seen many people with all sorts of issues some of them very complex and difficult and there are some who remain firmly in memory, both successful clients who made the changes they wanted because they dared to expand their comfort zone and move forward and those who’s fears and difficulties with living with their presenting issue just kept them stuck, stuck and with the rigid belief that could never change..... like the person who on the day of coming to see me for quitting smoking , suddenly found they couldn’t go through with it because they were so very lonely and smoking was their only friend. Nothing we talked about could change the views held by this client and it was clear that this was a secondary gain for the client.

If a client will not believe they have the capacity change then nothing a therapist can do within the boundaries of ethical working practices will help to break down the resistance if the secondary gain is so strong to create huge internal resistance in the mind.

I have had clients whose prejudices and limited thinking they have been bought up with from early childhood has made it so very difficult for them to let go and find the happiness they seek because those beliefs have stood in the way. Those beliefs can be challenged and together if the client is willing this is something that both therapist and client can work on together to resolve so that they can find new ways of seeing life and seeing possibilities.

I once heard a story from a fellow therapist about a client who came from a family background where the family held very firm views about the Second World War and who were not inclined to try and see the bigger picture and move on. The story goes that this person grew up with a view that persons of a certain nationality were all the same and tarred with the same brush.... ..that was until they met someone of that very nationality and who on first sight they were deeply attracted to and who subsequently fell head over heels in love. For this person that created a huge inner conflict that went beyond their own inner boundaries and which no doubt meant that difficult choices had to be made within the family. The relationship floundered and failed and the person was left scarred and heartbroken. At that point they realised they had to change and went on to seek help from a therapist to work through their issues and learn to see the world in a different way. A few years went by and the couple met again and the flame of love was rekindled. That person is now married to that person with a family of their own and moreover the prejudices held by that persons family was healed and dissolved . Sometimes it is only in letting go that our own true happiness can be found.

Some of those people who could not move forward had issues which clearly held them back from moving forward such as believing that nothing could fix them and some didn’t like themselves at all which is a very sad situation. I’ve had people who really hated themselves believing that they were useless and somehow less than worthy because of all of the experiences they have gone through in life..... perhaps with abusive relationships where their core identity had been eroded .. These situations have a tendency in today’s society to be supposed that it is within the framework of a partnership or marriage or just the persons fault through their own bad attitude but in fact in my experience it can non of those and can be events as far back as childhood with volatile dysfunctional family life and parents who abuse and bully and who project their own fears and limitations upon their children such as telling them that they are not as good as other siblings or telling them that their birth was a mistake and that they should never have been born for example. The behaviour a small child experiences in their young years can have far reaching consequences into adult life.

It’s also true to say too that some situations with how people view themselves, looking within can be born of experiences in adult life, workplace bullying whether in the private or public sector for example which can really erode a person’s confidence and belief in themselves. Over the years I have encountered a few ex armed forces service personnel whose experience in the forces caused them a great deal of personal inner conflict but if the will and desire is there progress can be made to find a better state of mind and feeling. ~At the end of the day it is only in letting go of the past that a person can move forward.The journey may well have its difficulties, its twists and turns, its setbacks and triumphs but it is only being brave enough to put one step in front of the other and taking the plunge that the journey into a better state of mind can be achieved.

Need to break free and leave your past behind you? BWRT® breaks away from the need to find out the "WHY" of why the client has a problem. BWRT® is Solution- focused behavioural psychotherapy. Using BWRT® there is no need for analysis. BWRT® is a content free form of therapy which can create fast,efficient personal change where many personal problems simply seem to melt away. Call 01726 69703 for more information