A Girl, A Lot of Free Time, and A Second Life

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So Miss Berry wants us to get dirty, and I love answering questions. But see…I don’t consider myself a SEXY person. I’m cute. I’m funny. But sexy? Noooo. Which, if you’ve chatted with me about my past, and if you know that technically, I’m still a SLuicide Girl, you’d find it hard to believe. But it’s true. I’ve played at being sexy, but in both lives, I’m reeeeally not. In fact, the older I get, the more I think that I’d rather everyone kept their nakedness in the house. *snickers*

Okay, on to the questions!!

What is your sexual orientation or do you not like to label yourself?

I’d consider myself fairly straight because I love men and have only ever wanted to be in a relationship with a man. But I have played around with women before. I was pretty experimental in my 20s. Well…and drunk.

Name a physical attribute that you find attractive or sexy.

I am a sucker for a good pair of hands. Big, well shaped, well groomed, strong hands on a man are sooo attractive! I also like chest hair because I like a man to be a MAN, not some little boy. I’ve also always been attracted to tall, big men, although my RL BF of 13+ years was shorter [although taller than me] and slimmer when we met. He’s still taller than me. *laughs*

Are you promiscuous, a prude or in between?

I would definitely say I’m not promiscuous. Most people in SL would consider me a prude these days because I’m not flashing my gigantic prim boobs and my huge mesh butt all over the place, but I wouldn’t consider myself one. I’m somewhere in the middle. I, again, just prefer that people keep their naked in the house. Although I don’t mind talking about sex and stuff, I don’t really enjoy seeing the porn parade that goes on. But, you know, that’s other peoples’ business and luckily it’s fairly easy to mute if I don’t feel like seeing it. 🙂 And I hang out with people who generally feel the same way, so it’s all good.

What turns you on?

That’s a hard question for me these days because I have some issues that make my sex drive low. But, in general, if you can make me laugh, you’ve got me. I also like when a guy I’m with plays with my hair, like just brushes it off my face or tucks it behind my ear. [If my hair is loose. If it’s braided or I have it up, please stay away from it.] I like being kissed on the inside of my wrist, too. Also, and this will sound superficial, but a cute little gift can sometimes get me going. Not diamonds or anything that will make me feel like I owe him. Just something cute that he saw that he thought I’d like.

Are you dominant or submissive?

Submissive up to a point. I like for him to take control, but I’m actually quite bossy most of the time. *laughs*

Are you into sexual roleplay?

I used to be. I guess I could still be, but it doesn’t really come up.

Which sexual position is your favorite?

Berryyyyy!!! LOL! I like being on my back. Which sounds lazy, but there’s a lot you can do like that!

Do you have any fetishes?

I loveeeee men in suits. Or dress uniforms. But mostly suits. Is that a fetish?

Have you or would you do porn, amateur or professional?

LOL!! Like…porn videos?? LOLOLOLOLOL! Actually, a longggggg time ago, my RL BF and I filmed ourselves while on vacation. Luckily we used a camera that had a mini tape, not digital, so I crushed and destroyed the tape when we got home.

Do you consider yourself sexy?

I already said no! And truthfully, I am quite okay with that. Not everyone has to be sexy, not everyone has to constantly make sexual references or prove their sexuality to others. Once in a while, I do wish I could be more sexy, but it’s really not who I am inside, and that’s okay. There’s room for everyone in our great big world, even people who choose to keep their clothes on most of the time. 🙂

I’m a day late with Berry’s latest meme, but mostly because I found this one harder to do! It’s very easy for me when she asks lots of questions because, as we all know, I love talking about myself. :-p Doing a haiku about my SLife is harder because I haven’t written poetry in a long time, and when I was heavily into it, all my poems were fantastically emo. But, I was 22 and had just lost my sister, so I’m not sure what I expected to write. I’d just go to the park and sit and cry and write emo sadpanda poems. But, I do like haikus, so I think I’ll do her meme, and then expand a bit on it.

Here I am againJust standing here all aloneStaring at my shoes.

I spend a lot of time in SL just staring at myself. Not because I’m vain or anything, but because I appreciate the work that people have done in making things like clothes and shoes and other avatar accessories. I think it’s easy for me to do this because I’m rarely with people.

Back on my first account, I had a rather large group of friends. In 2007 I was the manager of a small strip club [LOL, I know] that I’d started out as a dancer in back in late 2006. I met a ton of people through that place, and at almost any time in the day, there were people milling around the club. I could go there and eventually someone would join me. Even if no one was dancing or there wasn’t an event going on, there were usually people just there. It was an easy way of hanging out. Fast forward to 2008, and I had found myself another large group of friends, and another easy place to hang out at. I knew if I just went to the Viper Pit, eventually Cen or someone would stop in and we’d hang out and see where the day took us.

That all feels like a lifetime ago.

It’s different now. Most people that I talk to choose not to go to clubs because they’re annoyed by the gesture spam and by the fact that people rarely talk. Even when there is a place for hanging out [like we tried to put together], it’s rare anyone goes. I see some people hanging out with their families at the adoption places, but that’s a very specific group.

What I mostly see are a lot of people talking about how they stay on their platforms and never see anyone. I can’t believe that EVERYONE is just standing somewhere on a platform alone while they plurk.

I think that somewhere along the line, we’ve lost the ability to just hang out in Second Life. If it were just me, I’d have an excuse. I’m shy, I’m a little scared to get close to people again, and I feel like people are going to leave once they get to know me OR once I tell them how I really feel about something. [This is not just limited to SL, btw.] But I see others talking about it, too. They want to be social, they don’t know how.

It’s sad. I want to break free of it. I just am not quite sure how.

Hmm. It seems that my poetry still lands me back in that emo sadpanda place. Dammit, Berry! LOL!!

It’s time again for a Berry Meme Monday! I just love these. I really enjoy talking about stuff, but sometimes I just have NO idea what to talk about! This one is a fun topic: My 3 Second Life Wishes.

1. I wish tier was lower. I know, I know. Everyone wishes this. But even though I’m very blessed to have an island, and I’m very very lucky to have the people I have living there, I still dream of having an island just for Aldwyn and me one day. I want to landscape an entire island just for us. I feel like more people would have islands if tier was lower and that could only lead to more beauty and fun in Second Life. We can dream!

2. I wish I had skills. I would LOVE to create in SL. I would make so much furniture and landscaping stuff and jewelry if I only had the skill! It’s not that I haven’t tried, believe me. But there are some people who pick up these things easily and some who do not, and I am a do not. :-p Plus, I have like no artistic talent at all, so doing textures and whatnot would be ridiculous and everything would look like a hot mess. I’d like photography skills, too. Or at least social skills!! I think that I am a decent enough DJ, but not social enough these days to be able to throw parties like I used to, and my RL schedule doesn’t allow me to work at clubs. I would just like to be able to do something!

3. I wish people I didn’t like would leave SL. Hahahahaahha…. sorry. Had to say it. Okay, let me cross this out.

3. I wish people loved SL in the way that I do. Despite the lag, and the viewer problems, and the bits of drama here and there, I adore this world. I hate when people say mean things about it. And if they DON’T like it or don’t want to be here, I wish they’d leave and just…go away. Don’t stick around talking about how they’re not in SL any more because of *insert whatever overdramatic issue here*. I see it on plurk sometimes. People are excited about something in SL and someone else has to pop their head in to say “I’M NOT EXCITED BECAUSE SL SUCKS AND I LEFT IT AND I’M NOT IN IT AND Y’ALL ARE STUPID BECAUSE YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT SL STUFF.” No. Go away. Shoo. This world is big and beautiful and sure, it has its problems, but it’s Second Life. It’s ours. As with anything, it is what you make of it. If you expect problems, you get problems. So stop and get in there and enjoy what we have while we have it!

Since forever? LOL! I’ve kept diaries all my life, and have been online journaling since 2002 or so, but this blog started in December 2007.

2. Why did you start blogging?

Quite honestly, I don’t know how to NOT write about my life. It’s as normal as breathing to me. This blog started because I needed something to do and I had a project in my head. But even without the project, I would have done it anyway. I started fashion blogging because people who liked THIS blog liked me enough to start giving me things although I was not a fashion blogger at the time. I wanted to keep this blog just for my randomness so that’s why I started a new one just for fashion type stuff. I don’t want to be on any feeds with this blog just so I can talk shit when I want. :-p

3. How many times a week do you post an entry?

Oh god…I’ve been so lazy recently. Well, lazy in blogging because I’ve been busy in RL. So on a good week, I’ll do 3-4 posts in this blog, and maybe 2 for the fashion blog. But I really need to step it up.

4. How many different blogs do you read on a regular basis?

Oh man, I can’t even count. I read so many blogs, both SL and RL. But it seems like everyone has a blog these days, so it’s almost impossible to go a day without reading SOMEONE’S blog, you know?

5. Do you comment on other people’s blogs?

Sometimes! Not as often as I should, but I do try to reach out here and there.

6. Do you keep track of how many visitors you have?

Not really. It’s not a big deal to me. I would rather have a small, dedicated group of readers than thousands of hits a day of people who don’t actually care about what I’m writing. And let’s face it – even if I only had a couple of people who came here every time I posted, I’d still be writing anyway. In the long run, I’m writing because I love it, not for popularity.

7. Did you ever regret a post that you wrote?

Mmm…I won’t say REGRET, but I do wish I hadn’t written some things here and there just because it caused unnecessary drama for myself. Like the whole Inworldz craziness, and the thing with our wedding guest list. But if I ever really regretted something, I probably wouldn’t write it in the first place. We have a delete button for a reason. Even things I’ve written that caused some drama taught me something in the end. [Like, I will never ever go to Inworldz and some people have big mouths. LOL!]

8. Do you think your readers have a true sense of who you are based on your blog?

Mostly! I write like I speak – usually – and since this blog is really just about my life, it would be weird if they didn’t know who I was at this point. 🙂 I don’t like bloggers who try to prove how amazing they are, or how deep they are, or how mysterious they are, so I try not to do that myself. And hopefully I don’t come off as too pretentious or snotty. I feel like I write in a way that someone could say, “Yeah, I totally get that.” At least, I hope I do. But if you really want to know ME, it’s probably better to just talk to me outside of blog comments.

9. Do you blog under your real name?

Yep! Not here, obviously, but I do have a couple of blogs that have my name on them. I am a lot worse about updating those, though.

10. Are there topics that you would never blog about?

Of course! You’d have to be kind of naive to blog every single thing that crosses your mind or that is happening in your life, in my opinion.

11. What is the theme/topic of your blog?

Well…this one is obviously mostly about the random things I do in Second Life, although I write about my offline life as well from time to time. I will never be one of those “SL IS SL AND RL IS RL” kind of people because to me, the line is very much blurred. My feelings don’t shut off the moment I log out, and my RL issues aren’t pushed from my head the moment I log in. And my style blog is obviously about SL fashion and stuff. That’s a no brainer. 🙂

12. Do you have more than one blog? If so, why?

Oh yes. I have my two SL blogs, I have a couple of RL blogs [one for regular stuff and one for health related stuff], and I have two Tumblrs [although I don’t actually consider those blogs] that I use for keeping funny things and keeping Fitspo type things. I still have a Live Journal, too, although that one is updated maybe twice a year at this point just because most of my closer LJ friends are on my Facebook.

13. What have you found to be the benefits of blogging?

Besides glory and fame and free swag? :-p Kidding! I just love to write. I love being able to look back and say “Oh my God, yes! That happened!!” I’ve met wonderful people through my blogs and since SL blogs are useless without pics, my Photoshop skills have improved as well.

14. So, why do you continue to blog?

It’s my thing. It’s who I am. If I wasn’t SL blogging, I’d be blogging somewhere else for some other topic. I know I’ll keep writing for the rest of my life, even if I have to scratch out my words with a stick in the dirt. 🙂