Two Sentences At A Time #1

The first time I saw him fly I was sure that I was dreaming. How could a snake possibly do something like that. It was so odd that I jumped 20 feet into his stomach. I then woke up from my dream. However, it wasn't a dream. I have been eaten by a flying, rainbow snake. The snake intestines are very cushy like a sofa. I could live here for the rest of my life, too bad stomach juices are slowly burning me to death. So I came up with an amazing plan: I would eat the snake from the inside out. So I pulled out my magical golden fork and went to work. However, I soon found out that I am allergic to snake meat, and promptly vomited it back up. Fortunately, snakes are allergic to human vomit, and I was vomited out into the stomach of a much larger snake, as this snake had been eaten by a new snake. I killed this snake with my magical waffle. I love waffles. But I'm lying I hate waffles, I want to watch the world burn, to watch the waffles burn! I do like to eat jello, though, it's fun to throw it at the wall and watch it shatter, I'm so lonely.

Two Sentences At A Time #2

Songs happen when a pie is flung out a window, and the filling forms words. This is a process that Jeffery (pronounced with an H) calls grounding pie. Pie flavored pies also tend to eat purple rabbits on Thursday. However, they despise orange ones. Pie should not be thrown at windows, they have feelings. The rabbit that was just mentioned agrees with me, Jeffery. But I throw pies out the window anyway, because music is life and life is music. Without my music, I will die. I am powered by heavy metal. Both music, and minerals such as lead. Mercury gives the power to eat twenty potatoes. Arsenic gives me the ability to waffle. Making waffles is harder than you think, far too many people go to the ER for waffle burns. This occurrence is "waffleitice," and a local survey tells us that pancakes are less dangerous to make, the more you know! So, pies make music, and waffles can kill you. Such is life in Evil Candyland. Until the day Mr. Waffles was murdered by Jell-o. Never again.

Two Sentences At A Time #3

Greg hated the hospital, he also hated jello. But as it was his curse, he has to make jello everyday, poor Greg.So in the morning he arrives at the hospital kitchen, puts on his hairnet, and begins boiling the water to make jello. However, on this particular day, tragedy struck!There was no jello anywhere in the world! Not much of a tragedy to Greg, but it is for those who appreciate jello.Then a jello meteor hit the earth, and Jello Monster at nearly everyone. However, there was one hero who could save everyone: Mr. Waffles.Mr. Waffles did not look or sound impressive. He is 4 foot 9 inches and has a barely there mustache.However, he as the amazing ability to sing songs so sad that anyone who hears it will cry themselves to death. So he stepped over Greg's dead body - sorry Greg - and began to sing.Unfortunately the monster was deaf. Mr. Waffles was promptly exploded.Suddenly, Pineapples the toaster ate them and died. But little known fact, Mr. Waffles is immortal! Well, his body is in chunks all over the floor, but at least he's still alive.

Two Sentences At A Time #4

I hate eating spiders because they tickle my throat. However, cockroaches are delicious. But I love oreo soup. Turns out people think this is weird, but not to me. Because you see, I am Billy Wonka, WIlly Wonka's nephew, and I have never eaten a vegetable in my life. Oh, I'm also in a prison cell buried one mile beneath Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Or am I? I, in fact, lied. I am a pathological liar, and for this I am very sorry. Or am I? This all makes sense because as a kid I watched too many sesame street episodes. Elmo has scarred me, he haunts m nightmares, run from Sesame Street while you still can. If Grover gets his hands on you, he'll rip you in half from top to tail. And Big Bird, well he's the worst of them all. Elmo obtained a shotgun, and broke my knee. Or did he?!?! Snuffleupagus will turn you into a pie and eat you.