Entry 47 cont'd
Wendy chuckled along with Jasmine and the audience members, but I'm quite sure that no one noticed the wild glint that suddenly appeared in Jasmine's eyes. I saw it and I thought to myself that it would send Jasmine right to the loony bin if Trey and I were to have a baby.
CoCo appeared in the lobby, along with Lovey, Chrissy, Eric and Charles. Lovey gave me a big hug and she apologized in my ear. Chrissy came around and rubbed me lightly on my back.
She and Lovey wanted to know if I was alright.
"That bitch is going to say what she wants to say." I told them.
They didn't know what I was talking about and I pointed to the TV. Soon, everyone was engrossed in the show.
"So, Essence has this real high society background, right? I mean her parents are business mogul, Carter DuRay, and Eva Preston-DuRay, who founded the Organization for People Living With Autism, am I right? Oh, and Eva's parents are Henry and Edna Preston, whose ancestors made their money in steel and diamonds, am I correct?" Wendy asked.
Jasmine agreed and she began to give a brief description of my family's history.
"Edna's grandfather came to this country as a servant to a man who mined for diamonds in Africa. The man moved his family to America, then he died, leaving his fortune behind. He named his servant, Damon as one of his sons in his will, and left him a quarter share of the diamonds he'd mined. The man's other son let Damon keep that inheritance and they even continued to mine together. Damon married a former slave, Stephanie, whose master also claimed her as his daughter and the family left her an inheritance from their many investments, steel being one of them. Henry Preston is the descendant from freed slaves here in New York and his family background consists mainly of scholars and business investors."
Wendy sat with her mouth wide open, while the audience oohed and aahed.
"Carter DuRay is a self made millionaire who's great at investing and has his hands in everything."

Entry 47 cont'd
Wendy's audience applauded and she looked into the camera and said that they'd be back in a moment with more questions for Jasmine.
Stacy lowered the volume and she looked at me as if to ask what was I going to do now. I reached for my cell, but I didn't have it on me. I asked Stacy if I could use the desk phone. Of course, she let me and I called up to my apartment. CoCo answered and she wanted to know if I was alright. I told her that I was, then I asked her if she'd seen my phone. She paused for a minute, then she told me she'd located it. I asked her to bring it down to the lobby for me.
In the meantime, Wendy was back on, and she was asking Jasmine to elaborate more about Trey and me.
"We've tried to contact both of them, but Trey's camp never got back to us, and trying to get to Essence is like trying to get the president's cell phone number." Wendy rolled her eyes in exasperation. The audience did their thing and laughed.
"Well, Essence and I were close for a minute, but then that whole Chicago thing happened, but I know E. She'll come around eventually. She's just hurting right now." Jasmine said.
"Well, that's the next thing I wanted to ask about. Are you being sued by the DuRay family?" Wendy asked and grinned expecting to get a juicy story.
"I can't go into details about anything concerning Chicago, but no, at this time, I'm not being sued by anyone. And I'm not suing anyone at this time, either."
"Wow." Wendy said as if she knew exactly where Jasmine was coming from.
"So Trey and Essence are still together, to the best of you're knowledge?" Wendy asked.
"Yes." Jasmine stated.
"And to the best of your knowledge, see, I have to ask like that, because I don't want anyone calling up to the show with a lot of hoopla." Wendy said as she crossed her legs and pushed the bangs to her honey blonde colored wig out of her face, then she continued.
"To the best of your knowledge, there are no babies for them on the horizon?"
"There better not be!"

Entry 47 cont'd
"Trey won't talk about the baby. He acts as if it's our dirty little secret that he just wants to forget all about." It was Jasmine's voice and image on the screen. She was on the Wendy Williams show.
"Well, That's quite a story! Have you two kept in touch since then? And when I say in touch, I mean IN TOUCH?" Wendy said, emphasizing the last two words. Her studio audience laughed. Jasmine tried to look demure as she stated that she and Trey hadn't been intimate, yet, but from their conversations, and the recent time they've spent together, it was only a matter of time.
"Well, I say good luck. I mean really, who ever completely gets over their first love?" Wendy asked. Her audience applauded.
Then, as if she'd forgotten to ask, she said, "So what ever happened to his girlfriend, Essence DuRay?"
"I don't know." Jasmine said with a shrug. "The last I heard, they were having problems."
"What the fuck is she talking about?" I said in a loud voice.
"I know, right? Well you can sue them for using your name, right?" Stacy asked me. I told her that I don't know, but I'd check. I wanted to hear the rest of the segment.
Wendy was saying that she had heard a lot of rumors about Trey's infidelity, and she'd thought we'd called off our relationship months ago.
"Just how do you fit into all of that?" Wendy asked and Jasmine ducked her head in a way that gave the impression she knew more than she was telling. The audience expressed their interest in a chorus of murmurs.
"Well, all I can say is this, if they break up, it won't be because of me, but I won't be surprised if I'm the first person Trey tells about it." Jasmine said in a self satisfied way.
Then she caught herself and said, "Well, he might tell his mother before he tells me, but in a way that's the same thing, because she and I are still like this." Jasmine showed her fingers crossed.
"That's right, because your mom is still great friends with his mom, correct?" Wendy asked.
"That's right!" Jasmine sang.

Entry 47 cont'd
"I went through hell, over you. I've got tabloids and bloggers and photographers stalking me. Your fans hatin on me. Your crazy ex tryna kill me. And now some bitch can add some validity to her claim of sleeping with you." I bawled my fists up, ready to strike at him again.
Trey told me that if anybody claims she slept with him while we're together she'd be a lying bitch.
"You can get anyone at anytime to lie for you." I didn't care how mean I sounded or how my demeanor was. It was the only way that I could hurt him back. It seemed to be working. Trey walked away from the wall and sat on his bed. He seemed to be thinking about something.
I picked up my bag and told him that I was leaving.
"Don't leave, Essence for real. I'ma make it up to you. I don't know how, but I won't stop trying. You can be mad at me, but it's not over between us."
I was tired of arguing with him. We'd been at it all day. Nothing was going to be resolved. We'd just be going at it all night, so I told him that I just needed to go out and think about a few things.
He wanted to take me out to dinner. I told him that I wasn't hungry, I just needed some time alone. He stood up as I walked to his front door.
"You don't have to let me out, I still have the key." I called over my shoulder. I moved fast and left the apartment before he could reach me. I didn't want a prolonged scene at the door. He's too good at weakening my resolve. I'd already stayed far longer than I'd wanted to anyway. I took the stairs to the lobby.
When I got down there, Stacy was at her post. She smiled at me and asked me how my vacation had gone. I told her that it hadn't gone as well as I'd hoped, but I didn't go into detail.
She nodded. "I kinda figured that. That chick has been on every talk show and news show in the city." Stacy said.
At first I didn't know what she was talking about, but then Stacy turned up the volume on the 32" flat screen that was mounted high on the wall in the sitting area.

Entry 47 cont'd
"So what are you saying, Trey?" I stood with my arms folded across my chest.
'I'm saying that something like this shouldn't tear us apart. We've both done some crazy things in this relationship. That's just us, the way we are. But you know I ain't going no where. Neither are you." Trey was bold in his last few words.
I couldn't help considering what he'd said. I didn't want to leave and possibly never return, then again, I didn't want to stay and have to endure the feelings of betrayal.
"You fuckin played me! You fuckin played me!" Before I knew it, I was in front of Trey, pummeling him on his chest and arms. I was crying and screaming and scratching at him. He let me do it. He backed up to the wall and let me hit him. He grabbed me and held me against him when I began to sob more than hit.
I didn't want him to hold me. I pulled away from him.
"Do you know how I feel? I feel stupid. I feel like I can't trust you, or anyone connected to you. All those days you walked around like "The Man', doing what the hell you felt like doing, and all along, your team was there, protecting your lying ass!."
I was referring to the fact that I'd been around his friends and employees, and not one of them gave me a clue that he was being untrue to me. Not to mention that when I met Jess, she was an absolute sweet heart. I never would have known about them if it hadn't been for the pictures.
"You brought me all the way down there to meet your little chick on the side. You were so confident in doing so, like you just knew she would never say anything. What a secret you two kept! But the irony of it all, is the one who I expected to be the one you'd cheat with was the one who tried to tell me!" I shot blades at him with my eyes.
Trey looked surprised, and he wanted to know who I was talking about.
"Jasmine!" I shouted.
"It turns out that she knows you way better than I thought she did. She knows you far better that I do."
I was letting him know exactly how I felt.

Entry 47 cont'd
I put on a false brave front as I pulled out of Trey's arms. I stepped out of his reach as he tried to pull me back.
"Come on, don't do this." I said to him.
"Don't leave me." He stated.
"I've got a lot on my mind. I just need some time." I told him.
"No." He said.
"No?"
"I can't let you go. You might not come back." Trey can be so stubborn, and at times, that can get on my nerves.
"Could you blame me if I don't? I don't feel right about us right now. Everything is all wrong now." I said. I was starting to feel trapped.
"Whatchu tombout, girl. We were made to be together. Come'ere."
"I'm not playing Trey. I have to get away from you, from us." I could feel my anger coming back in a swift current.
"I won't let you leave. We gon work this out. You can't run every time things get tough. I did you wrong, but it's still not a good enough reason to give up on us. At least give me a chance to make up for it. Damn." Trey was getting angry, too. I could tell by the way he added 'damn' to the end of his sentence.
"You are full of it, because there is no way that you could see me in a bunch of pictures, all up on some other man, while I'm still dating you, and really be ok with it when I introduce you to him. Oh, Trey, I want you to meet Eric. He's my new bodyguard." I said.
"Eric, for real? I thought you liked the pretty boy type, like Charles." He said.
"No, you meant to say, like YOU. See, that's your problem. You're so irresistible, no woman can say no to you, and you love it. You thrive off of it. Yeah, you had me going for a while, but in the end, I have to see past your looks." I threw the plastic bag on the floor and went to stand by the window. I watched the slow, but steady stream of night traffic from his view.
"You been saw past my looks. You got to know me inside and out, and you know the good and the bad about me." He said.
"So, that's your excuse? I know you so damn well, I should just let this one go?" I asked
"I'm not giving you excuses."

Entry 47 cont'd
I pretended to need complete privacy as I scribbled a short note on a page. I wrote:
Last Entry
Trey and I broke up - for real this time. I'm too sad to write more. It's just over. Finished. The End.
When Trey read it, he just smirked.
"You crazy as hell."
"I'm crazy? No, boo, I'm just coming to my senses. You're free to be with whom ever, you choose now." I started to walk past him, but he wouldn't let me.
"You just want me to beg you, don't you?" He said.
"That's not going to help. You betrayed me. You humiliated me. Don't you get that?" I said.
"Yes, Essence. I get it." He exhaled in a huff. For a moment we just stood there looking at one another. He reached for me.
"I mean, you know I love you, and I know you love me so, I just - I don't see how you can let go so easily."
I didn't want to stand there and argue with him. I wasn't going to talk until I was blue in the face, only to have him talk me out of my hurt and anger, and into his bed.
"I told you, it's not gon be that easy to break up. We been through too much together." He held me tightly.
I thought about all of the crazy stuff that's happened since we got together. We'd both had our share of mistakes, yet, in the end we always found each other.
"I love you with every breath that I take, and I never want to be with another man, but I am far from ok right now. I can't get those pictures out of my head. I wish I could, but I can't." I told him.
There is no doubt in my heart and soul that Trey loves me. I know that. But I felt like such a fool.
All that kept echoing in my mind was Jasmine's voice saying that I needed to watch out or Trey would hurt me. Well score one for the ex. She was right all along. That fact alone made me upset all over again. No wonder Jasmine had gotten to be so crazy over Trey. From her point of view, Trey and I couldn't have been as real as we'd had everyone believe. She knew what he'd done, and she probably figured all she had to do was wait for her turn with him.

So i scrolled up after the last Entry 47..and THERE WAS NO POST!!! Essence come on nah (in a southern accent) Dont leave us hanging for too long! And how does he expect her to not make a snide remark about the situation. He wasnt thinking about that when he was on Jess! Negro musta had SELECTIVE AMNESIA THAT DAY..SMH

Entry 47 cont'd
I continued to gather up my stuff. I hadn't gone down there to talk anyway. He watched me as I put things into the plastic bag. I tried to avoid looking at him as I moved around his room. There wasn't much to collect, but I hunted and searched as if there was. Finally, I reached under his mattress and pulled out my spare diary.
Trey chuckled a little bit. "For real, doe? You call yourself hidin' that thang from me? That's the first place I woulda looked."
I just shrugged and walked towards the doorway. He beat me to it and he stood, blocking me from leaving.
"Would you mind moving out of the way, please?" I asked.
He ignored my request and took my diary from me. He held it out of my reach, like a high school bully.
"Hold on, hold on. Lemme see whatchu wrote about me." He said, with a grin.
"Oh, boy, is this going to take long, because I have somewhere to be." I lied.
"Where?" He asked in seriousness.
"Don't worry about it." I could tell that my nonchalant tone and serious look made him believe me.
"And it looks like we could be here all night." He said in a mock radio announcer's voice.
I just stood there, helpless for the moment. I knew that I wasn't going to get that diary back until he was ready to give it to me. He began to read my entries.
"Oh, I put it down like that, for real, Shawty?" He gave me a look, moving his eyebrows up and down in an exaggerated way.
I knew that he was only being goofy to get me to let down my guard. It wasn't working. Not really.
He read more of my diary and made more comments of self approval. I felt myself starting to blush because I know how graphic I can get when I write about our sex life. He obviously enjoyed being hailed as the best lover in the universe.
"Damn, girl, you need to write some more. I wanna know what happens next." He said.
I told him that I could write something right then and there. He handed me back my diary, and I removed the pen from it's designated slot. He peered over my shoulder.

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