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Monday, July 11, 2016

Because all Parrish AUs all the time.

This has no bearing on reality. Or relevance. Or anything really. Sometimes I just like to do weird character development things because they're fun. And so... without further ado... I give you AU scenarios to see how Jefferson Parrish would have ended up if he'd had certain famous TV/Movie moms for his own mother.

Instead of the unholy terror he actually got for a mother.

Oh Ingrid Temple. You nightmare.

Round 1. Norma Bates

You guys all saw this one coming, didn't you? Because my obsessions are strong and unrelenting. And this terrifying picture is currently the background on my phone :)

Basically, if Norma Bates had been Jefferson's mother, things would have gotten super awful, super fast. Sure there'd be a lot less murder, because Jefferson doesn't suffer from DID, despite what his actual mother in the second Parrish book has said to psychologists, but there'd still be a little bit of murder, wouldn't there, Norma?

Because in fact, even though Norma is sort of not responsible for most of the body count in White Pine Bay, she is responsible for some of it. And because Jefferson isn't prone to running around killing people (that we know of), he'd most definitely be on board for covering up Norma's murders.

Because Norma Bates, despite all her shortcomings, is one heck of a mother. I mean, she puts June Cleaver to shame. She's got the dresses. And the cooking skills.

And that killer record player. And the cleaning thing? She's got that down! Especially when trying to cover up a murder.

And an unending (and sometimes inappropriate) amount of affection for her child. So her and Jefferson would for sure have the most unhealthy mother/son relationship this world has ever seen. Because if you replace Norman's penchant for murdering people with Jefferson's penchant to be too loving, and smush that together with Norma's ability to block out the world and love only her child, you've got way too much affection for one healthy relationship.

Still. It would be healthier than the Norma/n relationship. Let's be honest.

Round 2. Beverly Goldberg

Because this one is WAY too fun to not explore.

I keep telling The Husband that Norma Bates is Beverly Goldberg with some added psychosis and anger issues. So take those two things away and you're left with a mother who loves her children WAY too much and will do literally anything for them and if you think there's something wrong with her kid, well then, buddy, you're wrong. I mean, like, they can do no wrong. Which means she'd not only embrace Jefferson's weird stalker-ish tendencies, but she'd encourage them because he'd be her "delicious little boy". Her words. Not mine.

So Jefferson would grow up to be himself... but like... tenfold. It would be a disaster. But also super entertaining to see. And the second Sadie called him weird, Beverly would be on the phone, yelling at her for hurting her little boy's feelings and she'd force Sadie her to marry him.

Round 3. Lucille Bluth

Actually... we don't really need to explore this one. Because this is basically Jefferson's mother already. So you'll get to see her in the second Parrish book. Except that Lucille Bluth is actually more endearing and sweet than Jefferson's mother. If you can believe that. So basically, if Lucille were Jefferson's mother, he'd end up about how he is now, but maybe a bit less needy, because Lucille isn't nearly as awful as Ingrid.

Round 4. Morticia Addams

Now this one would be fun. Because it would basically mean that Jefferson would end up like he is now, but with even creepier tendencies. Because he would have grown up in a home where his mother was even creepier than him, and he'd want to make her proud, so he'd amp up the creep factor big time. And he'd end up being totally and completely... well... an Addams I guess.

Round 5. Leslie Knope

Actually. I imagine Jefferson would still end up about the same with Leslie as a mother. Maybe he just wouldn't be quite as needy because he'd actually have a loving presence in his young life. And Leslie would push her son to be the best at what he did... which would be stalking and being affectionate. So he'd just be like a Super Jefferson. But I do think he and Leslie would interact about the same way she interacts with Orin. And that would be so much fun.

So there you go! A totally useless exercise, just because this is how I like to spend my free time. It's not my fault. Jefferson doesn't let me NOT do this kind of thing with my free time.

The second Parrish book is all written and off to the publisher so keep your eye out for a release date! And if the first Parrish book was trying to be subtle in it's paranormal-ness, the second book is full-on paranormal mode. And the third one is full-on-haunted-house mode :)