Are Hookups Psychologically Healthy?

Hollywood films are littered with casual sex. It is easy to think of on-screen examples of handsome leading men seducing a starlet they have just met or of a sultry heroine heading home with her new-found beau after only a few hours.

But let’s be honest: the real world is likewise full of casual flings.

Humans are sexual creatures and the urge to get together can be tempting. According to surveys, 75 percent of Americans and Europeans have had sex by age 20, long before people generally commit to long-term relationships.

Nowhere is this truer than on college campuses. Psychologists refer to the years from age 18 to 29 as “emerging adulthood” and it is characterized by a sense of possibility—and unprecedented social freedom. The collision of possibility and freedom gives rise to ideas like “sowing your wild oats,” connoting a youthful string of sexual partners.

But is casual sex among college students healthy?

On the one hand, there's the case that hook-ups are regrettable experiences that often happen in a haze of drunken disregard. This side of the argument might point to the concept of “the walk of shame” (heading home the next morning in the previous night’s clothes) as emblematic of the downside of casual sex.

On the other hand, casual sex, it might be argued, is all about pleasure: At least one study found that, at least for males, hooking up was associated with a boost in well-being, perhaps because sexual congress can be a significant status symbol and source of confidence for young men. In a 2004 study, Mark Leary found that eight percent of college students reported having unprotected sex precisely because they wanted to be viewed as risk-taking or laid back.

In a more recent study, Melina Bersamin and colleagues examined the well-being of nearly 4,000 multiethnic heterosexual college students. They asked participants about their recent experiences with casual sex—defined as having had sex in the previous 30 days with a person the participant had known for a week or less. The research team found that 11 percent of the students had casually hooked up—18.6 percent of the males and 7.4 percent of the females.

Interestingly, when the researchers then explored the well-being of the “oat sowers," they discovered higher levels of distress and lower levels of happiness. Casual sex was related to lower levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem, and higher levels of depression and anxiety. Using statistical controls, the researchers also found that this general trend held true for both young men and women. The astute reader will understand that these are correlations and not causation: It might be that people in distress are more likely to seek a convenient sexual encounter, or that a casual hookup is more likely to lead to feelings of regret.

A separate study by researchers Jesse Owen and Frank Fincham is suggestive of the latter possibility. Their study examined factors leading to sexual regret. They discovered that among young people, alcohol played an important role in hooking up. When sex happened in the context of a drunken evening, participants were more likely to regret it. But when a one-night stand was associated with the hope for a future relationship, there appeared to be less regret. Thus, casual sex entered into intentionally—and not drunkenly—and seen as the first step in a longer relationship appeared to be less psychologically damaging.

To return to romanticized Hollywood portrayals of hooking up, it's interesting to note that these silver-screen depictions of casual sex are often undertaken by completely sober people. Frequently, as in films in which the heroine goes home with her savior, there is a clear suggestion that the implied sex is just the beginning of what will certainly be a longer term relationship. In the notable instances in which casual sex is shown in the context of drunkenness—The Hangover comes quickly to mind—it is often portrayed in less than flattering terms.

Perhaps popular media isn’t as bad an influence as people suspect.

Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is a research and trainer. His book, co-authored with Dr. Todd Kashdan, The upside of your dark side: Why being your whole self - not just your “good” self - drives success and fulfillment is available from Amazon , Barnes & Noble , Booksamillion , Powell's or Indie Bound.

I had very little casual sex in college for my first three years, and that which I did I was really seeking a partner. Once I found one, we had a LOT of casual sex which grew into romantic sex, which grew into a 20+ year relationship thats still going.

I wonder if the issue here isn't casual sex, but sexual maturity of a sort. At that age finding a girlfriend/boyfriend is important. I'd guess the dissatisfaction is more from a lack of a real partner than the sex causing an issue itself.

As a adult my wife and I are also swingers, and have had a good number of casual sex partners over the last 10 years. These have helped us move closer together and have made us happier as a couple.

So from my small sample size, I think the issue is about love/being loved rather than sex itself, which seems to be what the article concludes as well, so I guess I'm just agreeing.

I would suggest that casual sex doesn't necessarily have to be meaningless, which unfortunately is portrayed very often in the movies and social media. Lets add that to the the opposite meaning of stories addressed to the children of the particular generation analysed with which they grow up with, and the influence of the present image of couples as monogamous and the society acceptance of it. There is no doubt that that constructs a perception of how things ought to be or how they are accepted and how they are not. The portrayal of good and bad. We all know the weight of the social acceptance has on ones perceived reality and its effects on ones well being.

Trying to disseminate this topic using broad generalizations is a little like trying to paint a small porcelain figurine with the same brush you would use to paint a house. How can we apply the same modus operandi to a random sampling of the target demographic when a unified conclusion is difficult to arrive at. Sure, there are certain people out there who have successful "no strings attached" hookups and go about their daily routine without any residual psychological effects. Maybe there is a pathological component which mainstream society is willing to look away from until it evolves further.

I was wondering if this study could apply to people who play around.
As it was said that one-night stand associated with the hope for a future relationship appeared to be less regretted.
It just seems right the idea that if what you do is not leading somewhere, why would you feel great satisfaction with it? It is just interesting to know what comes to the mind of those who cheat.

I think if you are just solely are looking for physical pleasure with someone you find attractive, then it serves a purpose. But if you do it with the intention of getting a relationship, the rejection or lack or interest afterwards could prove to be damaging.

From my personal experiences, I had a couple of one night stands when I was younger. Which served the purpose of I was young and horny and didn't have a boyfriend. Later when I had a boyfriend who later became my Fiancé, I never even thought about other men. Even being apart for a few months at a time, it never entered my head. I had all the sex I needed.

Only when things became strained and I suspected him of cheating and leaving me alone for long periods of time, did I start to look elsewhere. I'm not proud of my actions but it was attention that I had been lacking.

Now I am single, I meet up with guys for a nights out and maybe sex. I'm finding it difficult to find someone who doesn't just want sex, even on dating sites. Often I feel used and abused and my mental health is suffering somewhat. I feel like I have so much to give in a relationship aside from sex, yet it never goes beyond the physical. Even when guys claim they don't just want sex or want to see me again. I feel like they get what they want and I never see them again.

You say you "meet up with guys for a nights out" and you complain they only want sex?!! You need to look for other venues where the emphasis is on something other that MEETING UP with people of the opposite sex.

Meeting for a night out, that could mean sex, well that could be a date or meeting people in a social group?! It's so easy to meet people online these days. Guys are looking for sex on dating sites as well as on adult sites. There are lots of guys who are attached who use them.
It's not unheard of that people can see each other on more than one occasion purely for sex.

In my opinion,this is the kind of thing that really can be psychologically unhealthy.There wouldn`t be a problem if the other person doesn`t make you have expectations with the encounter, but when people don`t have any respect with what you are feeling just to get what they want and never come back at least to let you know that they won`t come back is...unfair.

But that's exactly what guys do, they don't say 'I just want a one night stand'. There is deception there. A lot are already attached too. Lots of guys use adult sites. I have dated guys who have just seen me a casual thing anyway and when I have addressed the issue, it's over! Some people just package it in a different way.

It is true - I have been amazed at the things that men (and I'm sure women too, but I have not dated women)will say and do just for sex. I was single for most of my twenties. There are women out there looking for just a "hookup" - which to me makes it unneccessary to lie about what you want. But they do it anyway. I've been in a couple situations where I was not looking for anything serious - I was not looking for a one night stand, but I also was not particularly interested in a long term relationship, either because I was moving soon, or starting grad school etc. The guy would then pursue me, would want to see me more often, introduce me to his friends, etc. so I would tell myself "you know, he seems like a really nice guy, maybe I should give a relationship a chance." At which point he would start slowly disappearing. It disgusts me. If they had just been truthful and up front, no one would be hurt.

When men only want sex, or they go on a date and do whatever they can to obtain sex one has to wonder what is influencing these men and what type of twisted values they have. Rather than have a mature enjoyable date, the date becomes a jockeying match to see whether the man is able to have intercourse. If I was on a date and man started pressuring me for sex I'd just end the date and go home. It's not worth the mind games and the health hazards.

Just about EVERY man who takes you out on a date wants to have sex with you and will be very happy to have sex with you as soon as you are willing. You see, while you may be an interesting and wonderful person on the inside, thats not why he is going through the (mating)ritual of taking you out on a date.

EVERYTHING in a date is a mind game, even if you are both unaware of it. He is sending signals saying "I'm a good mate" and he is trying to pick up on yours to see if they are working and you are receptive to mating.

When I met my wife, it was at a party. I wasn't thinking "hey I wonder if she is an interesting person, lets talk and find out!" No I was thinking "shes hot and that other hot girl seems to be going for that friend of mine, so lets see where we can get!" That was some 22 years ago. My goal, at first, wasn't long term, it was simply "I'm horny, maybe she is too". She was ;)

Somewhat ironically, if you want to see what a guy is REALLY like, see what he is like right after sex. The Japanese even have a word for it, though it escapes me, its basically the clear thinking a man has after sex. If hes still interested in you and wants to be with you, hey you got a keeper. Until then when the hormones are in control you can't really trust guys, even the honest ones, because being hard up for sex as a man makes you stupid in a lot of ways.

That is true, they say men go looking for sex and find love, women look for love and find sex!
A guy will promise you anything to get you into bed, then when the deed is done, he shows his true colours. And is disinterested until the testosterone builds again, that's how you know if a guy is truly interested in you-afterwards. I'm still looking!

I'm always suspicious of psychologists who only study college students. College students are one tiny demographic. College students often come from middle or upper-middleclass homes, often from suburbia and are Caucasian or Asian with a heavy emphasis on the educational experience. College students are mostly young and newly away from home. College students are in a unique close-packed environment and could never represent the total population.

However, the psychological community delights when something they might find within the college community might support some preconceived culturally-biased idea, such as "hook-ups are bad, marriage is good". Perhaps the psychological experts might do a study on all adults. How many of adults have hook-ups? How do adults define hook-ups? What do adults expect from a hook-up? How often is alcohol involved? How many adults feel regret after a hook-up?

The results between the larger general population and college students will probably be vast.

Thanks so much for the comment above mine re: studies on college studies. Most, maybe all of the 'studies' cited on this site are on college students and pretty much BY college students, for a paper etc.

In other words, the population at large is being sold a psychology' that is basically their children's school-work.

This is garbage. Excuse me, but it is. College students asking other college students questions and then drawing conclusions is NOT valid 'research' that should be extrapolated to the population at large.

That lazy practice on the part of the 'psychological community' is doing our society a dis-service and cheapening the entire field of psychology.

a good book to read that examines the aspects of casual sex in college mentioned in the article along with so many other factors is Donna Freitas' "The End of Sex". It's a very interesting, thoughtful read; thoroughly enjoyable.

Though it would be interesting, I wouldn't need scientific data to know that the outcomes are roughly evenly spread among those three reactions for both sexes. I think men would claim to be happy with most of them, but in private probably not so happy.