Jewish Singles & Computer Funerals

am so sorry I haven’t written in a while. My computer went to computer hell, may it never RIP. Yes. I am not mean. It was never a good computer. I am not going to lie about it. If there was a computer Funeral, I would say the truth about it. Why lie? Suddenly, a computer, vicious pet that ate your favorite Beanie Baby for the fun of it and SMILED (Oh, no, “It was gas”–a la the baby thing pple say when an infant smiles at you. It’s not gas, dear. You are the constipated one. That’s your issue.), and when they leave this world, suddenly they were angels.

“THOU SHALT NOT LIE”–And the same goes for Jewish Singles. How did I connect the both? I am ingenious. =0) Nah. It’s simple really. Why is it that someone mentions Jack Sprat to you, and you call a reference for info(or replace this with a friend really worried about you setting you up with Peet Moss, and tells you about him, as they know him soooooooo well—they met him once and spoke to him for 3.5 minutes), and they say the most wonderful things about him, (men, swtich this with females–I am talking to both genders here)and you are so excited to date Jack, or Peet, or Jackie, or Petunia–and in real life–you are positive this person is pyschotic. A freak like this should be in shackles, a la the dungeon in “The Count of Monte Cristo” by Dumas–minus the escape.

Why won’t people say the truth about a potential datee??? Why sugarcoat it, add whipped cream, a cherry, and what the heck–rainbow sprinkles??? We will notice that he has a nervous tic–just say it, so we aren’t shocked, and won’t jump, if we do decide to date him–and we might, if he is a really special person and that is his only flaw….

I take you, my computer, which has lost so many pieces of my writing, got stuck, never worked fully, and tell you–You were a lemon, and too dry to make lemonaide out of you. If you have another life, I hope you do better. You were a bad computer, but you know what? I am going to miss you.