Anonymous Story: I wanted Kinky: But not like this…Unwanted Anal Sex

I met a guy on POF (Plenty of Fish), he was sweet and I thought he was so freaking cute. This was my first experience with a guy of another race sexually. I was excited and wondered what it would be like, but I didn’t plan on having sex with him on the first date. We pretty much had a mini argument in the car in the parking lot of the movie theatre after a couple of kisses. He wanted to take me to his place, but I kept saying no. I should have got out the car, but I didn’t. I was stupid and agreed because I didn’t want him to feel bad… (Thank God I don’t think like that anymore). Anyways we went to his place and had sex in a bed with no covers… almost like he had planned it beforehand… it was weird. Anyways I was really upset afterwards because he lied to me that he wanted a relationship and as soon as we had sex he told me he didn’t. I cried like a baby. Just looking back I now know how low my self esteem was…

Anyways, after that I contacted him again. I was in a lonely miserable state. The guy I really liked was mad at me and I found out he was talking to other women. I really thought having sex with someone else would fix me. So called the same lying looser. We had sex and it was pretty good. But the next time I called him, he came over with a black bag. I asked him what it was and he just explained it was some kinky stuff he bought. He blind folded me and tied my arms. I admit I was into it until he started yelling out these racial slurs… and after that he penetrated me. I still kinda liked it.
But all of a sudden he shoved his penis in my anis and I screamed at the top of my lungs. I was trying to get him to stop and push him off me but my arms were tied and he was way stronger than I thought he was. I just pretty much laid there and waited for him to be finished. That was the most agonizing and excruciating pain I ever felt in my life and it seemed like it lasted forever. When we was done, I pretended like everything was ok. He left and I cried my eyes out. I just could not believe what happened. I was anally raped, and quite viciously. I wanted to tell someone but I couldn’t. I text him and told him I didn’t like what he did and he apologized. The saddest part of it all is I forgave him and invited him over again. This time we had sex but he used this huge dildo called a “dragon” or something. There’s this website that sells them. I know it’s weird. It just did not feel good at all. I pretended it was and I was so ready for him to be done. He blindfolded me that time as well and showed me the dildo afterwards…It was awful. I was just so stupid and bewildered. I never imagined I would do something so dangerous with someone I barely ever knew. My loneliness and self esteem was at an all time ridiculous low.

I never want anyone to experience what I experienced. Ever. Please, if you are have low esteem moments and feel lonely seek out help from God, family, and credible people of integrity.

Oh, let me not forget the aftermath of it all. I stayed at the doctor a lot and my little guts felt obliterated. I’m assuming I got some kind of infection because I have heard before anal ex most people properly prepare themselves by douching the anus. It was awful, I was in bed three days. Worst pain of my life.

Related

The When You're Ready Project is a community for survivors of sexual violence to share their stories and have their voices heard, finding strength in one another. When you're ready to share your story, we will be here.