My job is now somewhat bearable for the time being. I am doing very well with the whole theatre thing and still will have more to do for the rest of the summer. I am going back to school in the fall which I think will help me out a lot. And last, and most certainly not least, I am very much in love with my girlfriend.

I was really saving the best for last when I wrote that. Jamie has been nothing less than fantastic since I've met her and the fact that we are in a relationship is wonderful to me. We talk about anything and everything, but at the same time we have no problem letting the silence speak. We see each other often (but not often enough in my view) and we have a wonderful time no matter what we do. From Borders Cafe, to movies, the beach, the park, or getting lost to any or all of those places, I can't imagine myself happier with anyone else. I know we will soon have a rough road ahead, but we will still be on that road together. And that's the important part.

For my craft, I give myself to create and express an art that is like no other so people can enjoy themselves.

For my friends, I am here to give my humor and kindness, wanting you to laugh when you are down and wanting you to trust in me to keep you up and going, even if I may not be.

For my family, I give my love and devotion.

There is only one thing I can't give.

As of June 2nd, 2007, I can no longer give my heart. It now belongs to someone else.

To that someone else, I give all that I have said already and more. I give you my reason for being happy again. I give you opportunities to experience something potentially wonderful for us both. I give you a shoulder to cry on if you need to, eyes to watch over you when you are unsure, ears to listen to your day even when you think its just babbling, and a hand to hold whenever. I give you patience and perseverence. I give you my trust. I give you my being.

I can see that you've been hurting. Maybe I've been lonely, too. I've been out here lost and searching. Looking for a girl like you. Now I believe the sun is gonna shine. Don't you be afraid to love again, put your hand in mine. Baby, I would never make you cry. I would never make you blue. I would never let you down. I would never be untrue. I know a place where we can go where true love always stays. There's no more stormy nights. No more cloudy days.- The Eagles

While parts of me have been unsure while taking these steps, I knew with every fiber of my being that I wanted to take them. Absolutely, without a doubt.

My issue, however, is that I know I need to make some of these steps "baby steps". But in ways I've been leaping forward at great risk. And yet once again the double-edged sword has been unsheathed. Moving forward recklessly could cost me a great deal. But the reason I am moving forward, this person I am moving to, is in all honesty worth the risk.

Part of me feels that I did once feel this way. Another part of me says otherwise. All I know is that its a feeling I choose not to fight. I am embracing it. Part of me wants to fight it because of possible repercussions. But I can't let my past tell me what to fear. Those fears are just that, in the past.

The anticipation of an event can be a funny thing. There can be a big build for it before it happens, where the days seem longer and maybe you won't even get to it. Or at the last minute there is a fear as if something will happen and plans will change.

I knew I was going to have a good day today, and I was thankfully right. I had plans to hang out with a friend, Jamie, tonight and we really seemed to enjoy each others company. We had made plans late last weekend and I had been looking forward to them since then. Hopefully we will get to hang out again soon and have more fun times.

Here's the funny thing about it. I almost expected there to be a kind of lull once all was said and done. Like an "ok...now what?" But there wasn't. Part of it is because I know we want to hang out again. Part of it might be I'm still in a good mood from our get together. But I think the main reason is that the anticipation I had before is kind of building again. Now it's more of a curiousity. Like "cool, we'll get to hang out again" and now wondering when that might be.

I just recently met Jamie and I already see that she's a great person to talk to and hang around with. I'm going to try and see her perform again in Chorus Line on Sunday along with our mutual friend Frank. Not to mention I would get to see some of the other cast members whom I met and got along with.

It's just when you have a good night like this, you can't wait for the next one.

The comedy troupe I am in, The Speed of Thought Players, has been nominated for an award by Motif Magazine for Best Comedy Troupe. I just found out that you can go online and vote for the winners, but today, May 1st, is the last day of voting! So go to the site, tell your friends, and support SOTP!

Bit of an up and down week near the end of the week. The down part being waking and saying "I have to go to work"...and then being a wimp enough to go. Curse you, sense of responsibility. One day I will kill you where you stand.

But there was some good stuff, mainly that of A Chorus Line, featuring two of my chums, Frank and Jamie. Both did an amazing job in a show which gets you tired watching it. As fun as it looks to perform, it has to be one of the most exhausting plays for a performer. And no, I don't say actor in this case. No offense at all to actors (I'd only be insulting myself), but you need to be a performer, meaning you need to act, sing, and dance like Gene Kelly was watching and judging you. But as an audience member you watch and can't help but be inspired to want to move and sing like that. I got to meet some of the other cast members after the show and they were all really nice, amazing people to talk to. The show closes on Sunday and I want to try and go again. Not to mention the songs are ingrained into my psychie. So that was the up part.

It's funny how one thing can affect a person. One little thing. Sometimes it's as small as a "ding" sound.

And these little, tiny instances happen when you least expect it. Not even when you least expect it, but when you figured it just would not even happen. When you thought that you did something that would just end something else. But then you come to realize that you didn't and here it is again.

And I paniced. Bad.

I really should not have, too. But I couldn't help it.

There has been a lot of interesting stuff happening right now. Maybe when I am a bit more composed I'll get it all down here.

Along with the journal I keep online (which hasn't been updated in a while, I know), I've got a video blog going on YouTube. Feel free to check it out. I'll try and keep this journal and the video one pretty consistant when it comes to what goes up, but I might be doing the video one more. We'll see. Here's the URL:

Proof...done. Another show went as quickly as it came. I am very proud of this show. I loved the cast I was working with, the crew was fantastic, and the audiences were wonderful each night. There is so much that I was able to take from this show I can't even begin to describe it.

The funny thing with this show is that I do have a favorite moment that wasn't even onstage. It's going to sound completely ridiculous, but it's the honest truth. Here goes...

Nearly anyone that is familiar with either dramatic and/or literary terms knows the point of a comic relief. Besides the obvious idea of making the audience laugh, they release any sort of tension the audience might have. When a big, dramatic, heavy scene hits the audience like a ton of bricks, there needs to be something there to ease the end result. Proof doesn't necessarily have a comic relief. There are moments for each character, which I suppose helps make the play so real. But, as I can only imagine in the eyes of a director, there needs to be something more.

Robert's breakdown is perhaps the heaviest scene in the play as Catherine comes to terms that her life of going to school and building a bright future is over. We don't have some court jester come out after to make it all better. But we do have music.

I know, I know. Get to the point.

The music that was chosen for the end of the breakdown scene was very calming. Even backstage, I could feel the tension of the scene inside, so much so that I was just close my eyes and let it come in as fighting it would not be worthwhile. Then the music would hit and everything would be calmer. Better even. I would be able to open my eyes and the first thing I would see is a string of Christmas lights that were set up for the actors to see. And while feeling this newfound calm, the lights seemed to just dance along the wall, as if the music was transcribing itself through the lights. It was a wonderful, wonderful feeling. I think it was even then that I realized that I was doing what I wanted to do, with people I was so fortunate to do it with.

I learned one other thing this very evening after all was said and done. Doing something that you know you want to do isn't the hard part. The hard part is telling yourself that it is ok to go ahead and do it.