Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Destination: Denver

I have hesitated about announcing this for a while now, but I am officially moving to Denver, Colorado on December 27.

I did my best to noticeWhen the call came down the lineUp to the platform of surrenderI was brought but I was kindAnd sometimes I get nervousWhen I see an open doorClose your eyesClear your heartCut the cord

I’ve never done anything the easy way.

There’s always been this exciting-yet-recklessly irresponsible aura around me for as long as I can remember.

While most of my friends graduated high school, graduated college (in a timely matter), started their careers, and started their families, I took the road less traveled. I graduated high school, did an internship in New York City, got engaged, broke that off, drove across the country, decided to move to California, decided to move back home, went back to college, finally graduated college, and worked (for free) for a fledgling magazine.

Wow. I just got lightheaded.

I’ve never heard it directly, but I have to believe that there have been some “what in the world is he doing with his life??” chats behind my back.

It’s OK.

I would have done it too.

But I have to be honest: I have no regrets.

I’m 28 years old and I’m brutally self aware of who I am and what I’ve done. The positive side to that, however, is that I’m now supremely comfortable in my own skin and I’ve never been more excited about the future – because of the lessons I’ve learned in my past.

Are we human?Or are we dancer?My sign is vitalMy hands are coldAnd I'm on my kneesLooking for the answerAre we human?Or are we dancer?

The biggest reason I haven’t really wanted to talk about Denver or make it official was how badly my “move” to Los Angeles went a few years ago. It was painfully embarrassing to come back home with my tail between my legs and I can’t imagine going through that again.But I just couldn’t escape the facts anymore.

I have always loved it out there, my Girlfriend loves it out there more than I do, she’s planning to go to grad school out there, and, probably most importantly, there are more job opportunities in my industry out there and nothing has been working out here.

All of sudden I found myself trying to make a case for NOT going because going seemed too obvious.

I’ve talked to a couple of companies (magazines, newspapers, etc.) that seem genuinely interested in me and seem like they would be a lot more interested in me if I was already out there.

So why not go now?

For about two months, I couldn’t get away from that one question.

Pay my respects to grace and virtueSend my condolences to goodGive my regards to soul and romance,They always did the best they couldAnd so long to devotionYou taught me everything I knowWave goodbyeWish me wellYou've got to let me go

During a two week span at the end of the summer, I watched as three of the people closest to me moved out of Chesapeake. It was difficult for me to go through, but I couldn’t be upset because they were all moving on to better situations for their lives.

But I couldn't help feel like I was missing out.

NERD ALERT – I couldn’t help but remember that scene from the series finale of “Frasier”. Frasier really didn’t want to leave Seattle but looks around and sees that his dad has remarried, his brother has started a family, and his producer has gotten a promotion. He takes the job in San Francisco because he wants what they all have found.

A new chapter in their lives.

That’s how I felt after those weeks in the summer. It’s just not working here. As much as I don’t want to leave my family and friends, I know I can make something of myself there that I haven’t been able to do here.Pay my respects to grace and virtue, send my condolences to good…

I’m not very good at making new friends. I’ve had the same core group of buddies for over 10 years now. In fact, the only real new legit friend I’ve made in that time span is my buddy Chris, and that’s only because of my Girlfriend.

In case you haven’t realized, I’m not always so good with the people.

Sure, I can fake it at a party for an hour or so but then I just get tired and lose interest. I like having a small, tight group of friends and I’m going to feel lost without them.

I’m going to miss talking sports with Jake, doing the radio show with Gray, playing a round of golf with Chris, killing an afternoon playing “Madden” with Kevin, trying to figure out life with Paul, lamenting the movie industry with Jesse and Jon…

Seriously, what I am going to do out there?

Fortunately, I have absolute confidence in two important facts: (1) We are all good enough friends, that there is no doubt that we will keep in touch and (2) Denver is so cool, you will all be crazy not to come out.

Give my regards to soul and romance, they always did the best they could…

I’m going because I want to get to a point where I can ask my Girlfriend to be my Wife. I hate the thought of leaving her for the next few months but it’s one of those “more beneficial in the long run” things.

She’s the one that sold me on that.

She’s the reason I’m dying to go but also the reason that it’s killing me to leave.

I love that she's better than me. She believes the best in everyone and everything and is all the proof I will ever need that there is a merciful and loving God. He knew I wouldn't have gotten through the past couple years on my own so He put her in my life.

I know you can’t get into Heaven for being with someone, but I have to think that having her in my life will look good on my permanent record.

And so long to devotion, you taught me everything I know…

I can’t tell you what a relief it was that the Phillies won the World Series this year.

That was the final push over the top for me that it was OK to go. That might sound crazy, but you've gotta know that the only thing I’ve ever really wanted that you can’t buy in a store is to celebrate a Philadelphia sports championship with my dad.

And now I have.

When Brad Lidge got the last out to end the Series, I didn’t weep because of an overflowing joy. I didn’t even totally weep because 25 years of torture were finally over. I wept because I got to celebrate a title with my dad and I knew it was OK to leave.

It’s OK to move on… In every sense.

Trying to describe what my parents have meant to me would be tacky and cliché.

I’ve always thought your job as a parent is to build a ship that is capable to sail through life’s waters. I know I’ve taken the long way around at times, but I am confident enough to take this next step because of what my parents have invested in me and the support they’ve given me.

Will your system be alrightWhen you dream of home tonight?There is no message we're receivingLet me know is your heart still beating

Somewhere deep down, I always knew I was going to leave the Hampton Roads area at some point. I’ve kinda been writing this entry off and on for the last four years ever since I got back from California.

Of course, it didn’t come out like I had originally planned, but that’s life.

Nothing does.

Sure I’m planning to move to Denver in just over a month but who knows how that will turn out and where it will take me next.

I’m done trying to figure out the next step, I’m just trying to take it.

My priorities have shifted greatly, even just in the last year. We were at my buddy Gray’s wedding back in October and that was the first time I’ve ever genuinely felt like I couldn’t wait to get married. Not for the ceremony or hoopla but because I want to take that next step with Summer.

And I have to think that getting outside my comfort zone (read: friends, family, free place to live) in Denver will force me to take care of myself in a new way so that I can eventually get to a place where I can take care of her and a family someday.This is the right move for me and this is the right move for us.So, thanks for reading.

Thanks for your prayers and support.

Since I’ll be out of town, I plan to be more active in writing on this site and posting updates and I’ll let you know what I get into next…

You've got to let me know

Are we human?Or are we dancer?My sign is vitalMy hands are coldAnd I'm on my kneesLooking for the answerAre we humanOr are we dancer?

6 comments:

God bless you Josh on your new journey. You are one of the most quality people I know. God has something incredible planned for you and will provide you with all you need to succeed. I am lucky to have worked with you during a very difficult season in our lives.

My sister is in Denver so if you need anything,housing, job, dinner let me know. They would love to know you.

That's so exciting, Josh! My future sis-in-law lives in Denver. I've only been once, but one trip is enough to make you fall in love with the place! I wish you lots of luck on your new adventure and will definitely have you in my prayers. And if you haven't learned to snowboard yet, you better get a board, some bindings and some hot winter clothes to hit the slopes. That is what they do in Denver, isn't it?!

Dear Little Brother, It reminds me of a scene from "You've Got Mail" when Birdie (Jean Stapleton) is talking to Kathleen (Meg Ryan)..."Closing the store is the brave thing to do. ...You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life. Oh, I know it doesn't feel like that. You feel like a big fat failure. But you're not. You're marching into the unknown, armed with ... nothing. Have a sandwich". You are taking a chance on living a dream, and that is always a success. Love, Cheryl, Tommy, Aaron, & Robert