The heat rub has been worked into the shoulder and back. The feet are in hot water, as are the hands - arthritis.

The golf clubs have been taken out of the bag and wiped down and are drying off. The bag is sat on newspaper. The head covers are sat on a radiator, along with gloves and woolly hat. The shoes and brolly are in the conservatory drying off alongside the waterproofs.

And perhaps worst of all... the hip flask has been emptied for the 4th time this winter.

Birds migrate south for the winter... and we're supposed to be the intelligent animal...