Radio (Times) is a sound salvation, Radio (Times) is cleaning up the nation

• 30th March 2010 • Blog Post by Seb Patrick •

It seems that if the folk at the Radio Times have their way, we won’t actually need to watch the new series of Doctor Who – they’re happy to do it for us. I blame Alison Graham. Anyway, in a big old exclusive – and one that must surely have the editorial staff of Doctor Who Magazine grumbling into their Coco Pops – not only does the new edition contain the first proper pictures of the TARDIS interior, but also a synopsis AND a dialogue extract for EACH and EVERY episode of Series Fnarg. We’re still missing a few titles, but nevertheless, we’re that bit closer to get a sense of how the series as a whole is going to play out. Obviously these are quite vague, but they do come with strong spoiler warnings as there’s probably a few bits of fun that they could ruin for the more staunch ear-fingerers. Read on after the jump for the content very generously transcribed by Venture South of this parish.

Geronimo! A brand-new Doctor crashing to Earth. New face, new body, new man. And he’s barely staggered out of the blue box, before he’s found himself in the middle of the Crisis That Just Won’t Stop! No time to rest and recover, no Tardis, no screwdriver – just six billion human beings about to die and only one man to save them. But the new Doctor encounters more than danger – this is the day he meets Amy Pond. Can he persuade her to trust him, when he’s been letting her down all her life?

The Doctor takes Amy to the far future, and Starship UK. The British people, adrift among the stars on a giant spaceship, in search of a new home. But there are secrets here, in the rusting corridors and clanging hallways. A masked figure, who knows the Doctor of old, begs his help, while Amy encounters the terrifying Smilers, and uncovers a secret so dreadful, no one can remember it…

From the terrifying future of the United Kingdom to one of the darkest chapters of its past – World War Two. The Doctor and Amy find themselves in a top-secret cabinet war room deep beneath the London streets. And there, gliding among the nicotine walls and Bakelite telephones, the Daleks are hatching their deadliest scheme yet. Only one man can help the Doctor – whose side is Winston Churchill on?

A two-part story. A crashed spaceship, a shattered temple and a terrifying climb through the maze of the dead – River Song is back in the Doctor’s life, and she’s brought more trouble than even he can handle. The last of the Weeping Angels is loose in the ruins of Alfava Metraxis, and the Doctor is recruited to track it down. “Don’t Blink!” everyone tells Amy – but as Amy is about to discover, not blinking, might just be the worst thing you can do…

In Venice, even danger is beautiful. The House of Calvierri has the whole city under its protection, but something is very wrong. There are blood-drained corpses in the street, something lurks in the canal, and the Calvierri girls are the loveliest in town, except when you glance in the mirror…

“You know what’s dangerous about you? Not that you ask people to take risks, but that you make them want to impress you!”

7. Amy’s Choice
Writer: Simon Nye
Guest Star: Toby Jones

It’s been five long years since Amy travelled in the Tardis with her mysterious Doctor – and when he shows up again, on the eve of the birth of her first child, danger is not far behind him. Amy is faced with a heartbreaking choice that will change her life forever.

“I know who you are. There’s only one person in the universe who hates me as much as you do.”

Episodes 8 and 9
Writer: Chris Chibnall
Guest Stars: Meera Syal, Stephen Morre and Neve McIntosh
In 2015, the most ambitious drilling project in history is under way. Dr Nasreen Chaudhry and her team have reached 21 kilometres into the Earth’s crust – but something is stirring far below. Amy Pond discovers there’s nowhere to run when you can’t even trust the ground at your feet.

Terror lurks in the cornfields of Provence, but only a sad and lonely painter can see it. Amy Pond finds herself shoulder to shoulder with Vincent van Gogh, in a battle with a deadly alien – saving the world has never been so ginger! But can even the Doctor save Vincent?

“Art can wait, this is life and death. We need to talk to Vincent van Gogh!”

The Doctor faces his greatest challenge yet – a flat share! People are disappearing on Aickman Road, and the Doctor must solve the mystery of a staircase that people walk up – but never down.

“All I have to do is pass as an ordinary human being. What could possibly go wrong?”

Episode 12 and 13
Writer: Steven Moffat

A message on the oldest cliff-face in the universe, a puzzle box opening from the inside and a love that lasts thousands of years…The fates are drawing close around the Tardis – is this the day the Doctor falls?

“There was a goblin. Or a trickster, or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. Nothing could stop it, or hold it, or reason with it – one day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.”

Wallop, eh?

Seb Patrick once met Paul McGann, who immediately pretended to be Mark McGann. He writes for Den of Geek, BBC America, Film4 and the official Red Dwarf website, among others. He owns over thirty toy Daleks and wishes the Dapol factory tour was still open.

I’ll say this: the (admittedly elusive) summaries for these stories make me think this series is going to be great. Just reading those summaries – especially those for the Moffat stories – gets the hairs on the back of my neck on end.

Look at that summary for episodes 12 and 13. This isn’t RTD, that’s for sure. I sense a distinctly Borgesian approach underlying this series – a logic of paradoxes that in this universe become real, tangible and terrifying. “A puzzle box opening from the inside” – what a brilliantly obscure threat. With a lesser writer I wouldn’t feel so sure, but to me “the oldest cliff-face in the universe” is a recipe for an incredible atmosphere and a mysterious, lonely story. Imagine the Doctor and Amy discovering a message on it.

I know – too much optimism. But I have to say I’ve not bought any of the New Series on DVD so far (I have no intention of buying any RTD Who), and I’m already thinking this might end up being the first. I’ll let you know if I change my mind.

This isn’t RTD, that’s for sure. I sense a distinctly Borgesian approach underlying this series – a logic of paradoxes that in this universe become real, tangible and terrifying.

Matt Smith keeps mentioning how tied together this whole series is, and hints that there’s a great deal of messing about with time. We’ve reached a point where this sort of this looks like it’ll be the focus of the whole show, rather than a trademark of the Moffat episode.

I have to admit that whenever I read that I just end up thinking of the bit in Norway in ‘Restaurant at the End of the Universe’

That’s fair, given the phrasing! But there’s something intrinsically bleak for me about cliff-faces and the way that oceans smash against them for century upon century, regardless of day or night or there being any life on the planet at all.

I know it’s all conjecture at the moment, and I know it’s boring to read other people’s conjecture, but I’m feeling comfortable that this finale will be quite a departure from RTD’s increasing bombast. That’s all I wanted to say, really.