Monday, May 23, 2016

Farewell to Temie

Final Picture May 5, 2016

“Wayne, come over and see what I am seeing,” said
Gillian, the hospice nurse.

Things were stable for the
moment, so I had the opportunity to cook Debbie and I a steak, sauté some
potatoes and onions, and wilt some spinach.I had just put the dishes in the sink.We knew that it would be a long night and had thought…no, we had hoped
that my aunt, Temie, would make it through another night.

I walked over and noticed the
change, or in the terms the nurses used, a transition in the way Temie was
breathing.Previously, each breathe was
reflected in the gentle rise and fall of her chest.Now, it appeared as if each breath emanated
from her throat.“I got the dishes,”
said Debbie on her way from the living room, starting to head down the hall to
the kitchen.“Let it go, it can
wait.It is time.” I respond.To which the nurse responded, “Yes.”

Debbie sat on one side of the
bed holding Temie’s left hand, while I was mirroring her position holding her
right hand.It was strange to see someone,
who only a few weeks earlier was filled with boundless energy and always in
motion, to be lying still on her back.As the moment drew closer, I said to Temie that I believe that her
sister, my mother, will be waiting to greet her, along with those that have
gone before.Debbie and I said our
goodbyes and, after a few seconds, as Temie drew her last breath, told her we
loved her.“Rest in peace, until we meet
again,” were the final words I said as the tears ran down my face.I heard a sniffle as the nurse turned away
mentioning something about paperwork.Afterwards, Debbie confirmed that she heard the sniffle too.

This was the fifth time I have
been in this position.I have heard, “It
must be tough on you,” “Isn’t it creepy,” etc.It was neither of those.When you
love someone or are very close, being there for them at those final moments is
precious and kind of beautiful.When my
grandmother died, my mom told us she was alone and that she always felt bad and
asked that someone always stay with her when she knew she was dying.I was there when the moment came.No one should be alone when the moment
arrives.The hospice nurses told us,
that unfortunately, that happens more than we would think.

And, as for hospice?Temie made the right decision.The group of nurses that we saw over the last
few weeks showed a high level of compassion (i.e., the nurse sniffling), care,
consideration and comfort (to us).They
are the unsung heroes that dedicate their life to providing an atmosphere of
comfort and dignity during those final days.They watch and monitor the situation around the clock and have the
knowledge and experience to know the various signs and phases we go through as
we near the end of our lives.

I am sad my aunt is gone, but
happy for the life she led.She was a
liberated woman before it became fashionable.She lived life on her terms.For
a small, petite woman, she lived life large, calling the shots all the way to
her final decisions on how to end life.In the end, there was no pain and she went peacefully. While Temie is no
longer physically with us, she will live with us in our hearts and minds.As Tasha Yar said in one of Temie’s favorite
TV shows, Star Trek the Next Generation, "Death is that
state where one lives only in the memory of others, which is why it is not an end. No goodbyes--just good memories."