Tuesday, October 1, 2013

During our time of privation (since Soul Sister’s arrival we’ve been calling it the ‘pilgrim diet’), we’ve been having dreams of a prosperous future. Much like the first white people that landed on these shores, we are often hungry and have no fucking idea what we’re doing. We do have a better sense of fashion and more respect for diversity which is unrelated to our ability to survive, but hey, the name evokes pretty accurate visions of both the amount of food that we’re eating, and the monotony therein.

The thing is, we’re not just cutting way back on eating out. We’re shopping at Costco like the frugalistas we are, buying twenty five pound bags of rice and only shelling out $0.75 each for what is probably half a pound of gelato because “we have to be able to tell Soul Sister whether it’s good or not if she wants ice cream”. We’re doing laundry by hand in the sink (or bathtub, depending on how long we’ve let it go) because our utilities are included in our rent. We’re washing our hair every other day to save shampoo and conditioner (an unprecedented change for Anya, who is a clean hair nazi). But yes, it’s really the snacks that we’re missing.

And while we love food (boy, do we love food), and basic hygiene, they’re not the only luxuries that we’ve been pining for as we work hard to save our pennies and not run through our savings quite as rapidly, searching in vain for the real job with benefits and livable wages thing. We’ve each steadily built up a list of items in our heads that we will get “one day”, when we’re established adults with disposable income.

Oh, how we long for this day.

Below are just a few of the things we’ve wished for, best read aloud in the most wistful tone you possess.

Beer

Belts (see: Work pants)

Biscotti

Blazers of all colors and materials!

Boots (for fashion, for winter, flats, heels, all kinds of fun)

Brazilian wax

Bubble bath

Burritos on the regular (we just found a great new restaurant that only costs like $7 and has a salsa bar and we STILL CAN’T AFFORD IT)

Coffee table

Dry cleaning (not clothes that need to be dry cleaned, a trip to the dry cleaner for the clothes we already have but can’t afford to clean).

"If the clothes from that dry cleaning bag are on the floor of my closet, you’re going to be a very sorry young lady."

Makeup (This one is getting dire, and Anya will likely have to rely on the annual Christmas stocking replenishment of the basics to get by with some semblance of mascara and blush. Good bye, concealer, old friend. Hello, dark circles, how I’ve missed you!) and Name-brand toiletries

Nights out on the town (dinner, movies, drinks, ANYTHING)

Plane tickets home for the holidays

Purse that an adult would conceivably carry her belongings in

Razorblades

Salon haircuts

Starbucks (A luxury Anya has been enjoying in spades thanks to her loving ex-coworkers and the gift cards they bestowed upon her, soon to run out and be missed all the more)