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Friday, 1 July 2011

A brief interlude of sanity.

Smoky-Drinky this evening. No pubs involved, since the rain has been pretty persistent again this summer and we don't feel like getting cold and soaked to support a business that's banned us from indoors.

I think the pub industry is finally noticing that the smoking ban is having some effect, and that it's not all down to the supermarkets (local Tesco has three 12-can boxes of Boddingtons for £20). The supermarkets merely cashed in on the new and huge demand created by throwing smoky-drinkers out of pubs. Can't say I blame them.

Freedom-2-Choose has a more realistic summary of what the smoking ban has really done, something the blinkered haters of the smokophobe ranks will simply dismiss even as they pass the boarded up pubs, clubs and restaurants. Well, they aren't going to be invited to Smoky-Drinky when the last pub closes. Let them set up their own versions. They could call them Prim and Proper evenings.

Pat Nurse has news of a smokers' protest in Lincoln. Good luck to them, but I seriously doubt anyone in authority will listen. They lost any interest in listening five seconds after the last poll was counted, and they will do exactly the same next time. Dick Puddlecote has been talking to them and even those who agree that the ban is insane won't help us. Their career prospects are in the hands of the Dreadful Arnott and they are far too scared to fight.

I see no hope for the entertainment industry. None. For years they denied that the smoking ban was causing their downfall and even now, they pretend it's only one factor when it is clearly the principal force destroying the entire industry. Government pretends it isn't even happening at all, encouraged by Wormtongue from ASH. Even when the entertainment industry finally accepts its real enemy, Government will continue to hide from the truth behind a pile of Pharma cash. So the entire industry, along with all the employment and economy that's tied to it, is doomed to a slow death and there is no way to stop it. The only ones who could stop it are not interested in trying.

If you currently work in that industry, take comfort in the knowledge that both antismokers and your MP believe you'll be better off permanently unemployed than working in a smoky bar. That lifetime of penury is for your own good. Just remember who did that to you. It wasn't the smokers.

Frank Davis wonders if the electorate will finally vote out the idiots we now have in charge, or perhaps the politicians will re-learn the skill of listening. I don't think they will. All that will happen when this coagulation falls is that either the Tories or Labour will be back in the big chair again. Pubs and clubs will continue to close, smokers will still be treated as filth and Smoky-Drinky will become a haven from the Puritan madness outside. It already is, but the divide will only get deeper.

Antismokers, try looking beyond the end of that nose you are so fixated on. When you have to pay extra to make up the lost revenue from all those businesses, when your tax is hiked to cover the lost revenue from smokers who have been driven into the waiting arms of the Men with Vans, you will no doubt blame the smokers.

We aren't doing this. You are.

Anyway, I'm off out to a little oasis of sanity. I'll be taking along the book (two posts down) but not mentioning anything about politics. Let's see if the subliminal message takes hold.

leg-iron, i am somewhat distressed to note that you give-over much time, space and energy to the rights and wrongs of topping oneself slowly in a public hostelry, yet totally ignore the great question of the day, namely: is it right and proper to get married in a castle which one does not own?

so let me express my views on the matter:

to my mind, whilst jumping out of an aeroplane with the whole wedding party including the vicar wearing nothing but flippers and exchanging vows in free-fall at twenty-thousand feet may be considered a bold statement which lands comfortably within the great british tradition of excentricity, getting hitched in a hired castle is most definitely the sort of unforgivable faux pas of taste and etiquette such as is regularly committed by nouveau riche with over-stimulated nursery-level imaginations.

and that's all i have to say on the subject.

save to inform you that, in 1999, following a rash impulse to open a copy of hello magazine containing photographic depictions of the nuptials between david beckham and victoria adams, i required emergency hospitalization and remained under sedation for two weeks.

anthony, you appear a little frustrated. it's called a public house dear, i'm not to blame for that...people, mostly men, get publicly pissed there, because their wives won't tolerate that manner of crude behaviour in the sanctity of the matrimonial home...people, mostly men, also used to smoke themselves into a respectably early grave in pubs (in contrast to the current fashion of healthily hanging around into one's nineties and getting on everyone else's bloody nerves), and quite frankly, i wish you'd hurry up and follow suit, anthony - if you read my postcard properly, you will note that i did not register any form of objection to you doing so, nor did i make any reference to my paying of taxes to men and thus encouraging them in their foreign foolishness. in fact, i do not pay taxes and i do not charge them - i just lay on my back and let my husband enter the returns when they fall due...if memory serves me right, i believe he submits promptly and regularly, a detail, no doubt, which will not surprise you in the least. how much duty do you pay on your fags, darling?

Persecuting smokers is a global phenomenon - it is obviously part of the NWO's agenda for total control of our lives.

For some reason, politicians and people "in power" often have a problem doing what is right and sensible, because it is easier to follow the path of least resistance and go with the flow.

That is, until the conscience prevents further cooperation, hence the need for the Elite to confuse the boundaries of right and wrong, attack churches, destroy 'community cohesion' (including pub life), weaken families and all independent, non-government-controlled power bases.

In fact, they are now using equality laws to tell people that they have no right to live according to their conscience.

They think they own us, and largely, we have allowed them to, as they mesmerise us with “free” education, “free” health, “tax credits” and “protection” from the bearded bogeymen living in Afghan caves… and they care soooo much about our health (that they ban hundreds of herbal remedies, so we have to go to their friends at Big Pharma instead).

I’ve just entered “rant” mode, so I’ll end here or I won’t know when to stop.

anthony, you appear a little frustrated. it's called a public house dear, i'm not to blame for that...people, mostly men, get publicly pissed there, primarily because their wives won't tolerate that manner of crude behaviour in the sanctity of the matrimonial home...people, mostly men, also used to smoke themselves into a respectably early grave in pubs (in contrast to the current fashion of healthily hanging around into one's nineties and getting on everyone else's bloody nerves), and quite frankly, anthony, i wish you'd hurry up and follow suit by puffing yourself into oblivion too - if you read my postcard properly, you will note that i did not register any form of objection to you committing smokicide, nor did i make any reference which might in any way imply that i pay taxes to men, thereby encouraging them in their foreign foolishness. in fact, i do not pay taxes and i do not charge, or collect, them - i just lay on my back and let my husband enter the returns when they fall due...if memory serves me right, i believe he submits promptly and regularly, a detail, no doubt, which will not surprise you in the least. how much duty do you pay on your fags, darling?

whilst you guys debate the niceties of wedding-, smoking- and tax-evasion-etiquette, some of us here in africa are getting bombed, you know. so basically...i'd love to join in this thrilling argument, but, as things stand, the above topics are not really live issues here in libya at the mo - in other words, i'm not against, nor even particularly concerned about, any of them...except for the concept of 'smoking' when employed as a coded metaphor for free-speech, which i'm not too hot on. now, i'm going to make this simple for you daft pricks over in euro-disney-land...it's like this...i've got a wireless digital gizmo here in my hand, and it's got two buttons on it - one's marked 'p' for paris, and the other's marked 'l' for london, and if i press either of them, a nuke buried deep in the city-centre's gonna provide the population of the selected metropolis with a totally free education in taking it up the arse, remarkably similar to the one we africans have been privileged to receive for the last few centuries...so...misters cameron, sarkozy and obama, you'd better democratize me with a direct hit...coz if you miss and spook me out, i'll probably freak, and get extremely, extremely stoned...and then it's ooooh... decisions decisions...

i would love to press 'p' a couple of hours earlier than 'l', but due to matters pertaining to the official secrets act, and restrictions on freedom of speech, i am prevented by myself from disclosing operational details. as for pressing both buttons twice...no, that is quite simply out of the question - we subscribe to a strict and disciplined society here in libya, and unlike you bunch of arse-bandits in europe and the united states, we are accustomed to making moral choices...'p' is 'p' and 'l' is 'l', 'p' cannot be 'l', 'l' cannot be 'p', ergo it has to be either 'p' or 'l'. got it? so it might be 'p' today and 'l' tomorrow, or vice versa, 'l' today and 'p' tomorrow...who knows and who cares...leg-iron doesn't, the political leaders of the west don't, and, quite frankly, i don't, particularly...although, if the truth be told, i would prefer to prang washington, but apparently there's a black man in charge there (can't say i'd noticed, really) and we're not allowed to upset him...well, i don't get that, at all - i've upset many black men in my time, and besides...europeans kill black men, so why can't africans kill black men? it's basic equality of human bleedin' rights, init?

ps: i don't do the typing, you pillock - my bulgarian nurse does all the fingerwork, and now i'm 'getting on a bit', i have to trust her with the all translation into english and the nuclear button pushing too...i have to save myself for the angry anti-western, anti-anyone-who-doesn't-agree-with-my-carefully-considerd-point-of-view, shoot-off-the-mouth, rabble-rousing rants, you see.

In that case, this is very bad - the lives of millions of people in the hands of a Bulgarian. But I'm not sure about the pushing the buttons twice bit. I know you said double button is not allowed, but one can't really trust Bulgarians. Are there two bombs per city? They'd need to be some distance apart for the second to work.

Any chance you could be persuaded to to plant one (or two) in California? Or Scotland?. I think Leggy lives in Scotland, but he's not bothered about London, so fuck him. Neither am I really. Anyway, by all accounts, you'd be doing him a favour.

oh and before it slips my mind...you make reference to alerting the appropriate authorities...well, i don't think we want to bother them with a little thing like this, do we? after all, they're a bit busy right now...hunting down terrorists and suchlike...

and as regards letting one off in scotland...i'm not too sure...being at war with the disunited kingdom is one matter, but picking a fight with the fearsome free-hanging bollock-brigade quite another, the scots are by disposition a mental bunch of cunts, and could quite conceivably be inclined to invade tripoli, get horrendously hammered, and nick the tent of state as a trophy...an incident which would prove most embarrassing for myself and my government. however, this said, i am not unaware of the large population of sheep in the highlands, and am therefore also not blind to the tempting opportunity of extracting vast supplies of ready-roasted raw-kebab-material, the abundance of which would cause the bottom to fall out of the world take-away market and scupper the value of britain's traditional core industry. checkmate chum.

oh noooo...we don't wanna know nuffing about a catastrophically calculated nuclear strike on mainland britmania - we've got too many extremists, like the deadly fumermentalist suicide-puffers of al cigarillo, to track down and incarcinerate...not to mention an ongoing campaign to introduce immaculate anti-smoking legislation, including a comprehensive trans-provincial smoking-ban, to afghanistan and adjoining tribal areas of pakistan. we just can't spare the time, laddy.

ps: yesterday, i summoned up my powers of telekinesis, or was it telepathy, or hang-on a minute, maybe it was psychopathic telephony...? anyhow, no matter, i used it to make a dozy old spectator wander directly into the oncoming path of the tour de france pedal-bike racers and cause a peng pile-up in the peleton. beat that.