this is my first post and i don't know how this is gonna work.i don't think the problem is depression literally,even though i have been diagnosed with anxiety in the past,and but definetly there is stuff thats wrong with my personality within me that prevents me to fully enjoy things. especially social interactions. a family friend a psychiatrist had givn me some pills 'round one and a half ears ago when i had to take some really important exams. and i had trouble concentrating.my problem is closer to the schizoid personality i came across on the net(wikipedia).though i am not trying to diagnose myself here or anything.remaining aloof was well something that came naturally to me i used to judge people a lot and idealistic in a way that my social sense hadnt formed pretty well till ninth grade when i first found myself lacking. an had to work consciously from becoming a lil nerdy to what i am now which is far better at least with people.i focused a lot on the way i interacted with people which was well.... to impress a girl.well that ended a bit brutally though i am pretty much over it now. the 11 th and 12th grade i had improved substantially and was pretty popular,esp wid girls, then cuz despite being less friendly i was good in sports academics and well good looking. but somehow i never had feelings for anybody again. i don't really have very good friends of he opposite sex. i became the guy the charismatic flirt.hooking up, manipulating girls became a sport to satisfy my ego. i have been instrumental in getting a dozen of my friends dates and even girlfriends but i don't get what keeps me back from anything even a little bit committing. i've been with girls i could really have fallen for but as soon as realise anything getting somewhere i push the person away,unexplainedly leading to hurt on both sides. i am the kind of person a coquette who looks good from a distance but has issues internally.i dunno saying that i love someone makes me feel kinda vulnerable.and nows the problem i am 20 still a virgin never had a girlfriend. and most of all i havent dated in about one and half years. i have literally forgotten how to date. and overthink everything. i have a good excuse-work/studies.thats all i care about these days-more than even family. i feel unable to convey my feelings or admit that i am selfish because i am afraid of both positive or negative emotions. and i have so much sarcasm<esp. romance and definetly romantic comedies sometimes even mushy songs > and selfishness inside me now that i am afraid that even if a girl likes me to begin with she'll dump me because of my insecuritiesi really want the sex. everyone has done it by now. only if girls could keep the emotional crap to themselvesthere are times especially in the night when i feel like a total loser. please understand that i really do want to fall in love but theres a sarcastic part which says its too complicated or that i could use that time doing something important like work......ookay you must've got it by now thanks

This will come in time when you meet the right girl. One who doesn't want an emotional relationship. You may even want to finish with school before you go into this. Take it one day at a time. It is hard to find a girl/woman that doesn't carry that emotional baggage. You have to be clear to the other person that you just want a physical relationship.

I think when the time is right you will meet the right person. It may be awkward for you at first. I would try to find somebody that you can be honest with.

Good luck to you.

Hugs, Karen

PS: I don't see where you did anything wrong and can't fix it. That is the title of your thread. Maybe I missed something. Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia

i meant that there is some stuff wrong with me.i have lots of insecurity esp about falling in u see the way my life's goin you'd think i was goin celibate or something and all because i am too afraid to be close to anyone.i dont trust people easily read this i feel unable to convey my feelings or admit that i am selfish because i am afraid of both positive or negative emotions. and i have so much sarcasm<esp. romance and definetly romantic comedies sometimes even mushy songs > and selfishness inside me now that i am afraid that even if a girl likes me to begin with she'll dump me because of my insecurities

Hve you thought about talking to a counselor? They are so good at directing us to self esteem. I don't think you appear insecure, though you would know. But to the average person, it doesn't show. You sound intelligent, witty and have a good personality. We all have our own insecurities that only we can see. I think you are a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Think positive thoughts about yourself. Maybe find some self help books. Study them and see what happens. But I really think counseling would help you a lot. There are school counselors or you could go to your local community of mental health. But I even think a book would help you. You seem to have a lot going for you with your nature. You just have to believe in yourself.

thank you karen especially for the compliments. feeling a little better already.believe in yourself. easier said than done butsomething people have pointed out to me before too that all i have wrong is that sometimes i overthink and lack self esteemThanks once again!!!