Hi keric and welcome...I did not see your first post...you were able to express yourself here, and I am sorry you are feeling so awful...maybe here you can find suggestions how to start doing something for yourself...try starting with something small...not sure what you like so it is hard to suggest anything...please, if you would like, tell us more about yourself and maybe someone here would have an idea...welcome again, big hugs

You have to start doing things for yourself. I too made the mistake of making someone my reason for life and I'm just coming to the realisation that this was a really bad thing.
One that gives them way too much power over you (and probably puts a hell of a strain on them too)
And two, we should be people in our right, with our own goals, ambitions and desires.

I know how hard it is when you miss someone so badly, some days I feel like I'm in a black hole of misery, but people are very supportive on here and get me thru the worse days.

Also I live minute to minute, I decide what I can deal with for that time and do it.

Don't try to do or deal with everything at once, make small steps:
Get up
Wash
Have a drink etc....

In the meantime, we are all here for you, let of steam, cry whatever you need we can take it.

ive read your post 3 times now and i really didnt know if i should answer or not.. cause i got nearly exactly the same problem and i wanted to kill myself right now.. believe it or not, ive read your post and i couldnt do it anymore..
i dont know if i can help you .. i'm maybe a bad idol, but if you want to talk just pm me.. well just if you want.. but nobody wants to talk to me.. i hope you will find a way through your life , you'd be better than me if you do..

everyone, includer her, says i need to do things for myself. i don't knwo how. I put others first all the time, everytime, i can't get myself to do it for me. i don't know why. i can't even kill myself for myself, cause i worry about others. so stupid.