is one of rudolph’s the reindeers’ friends named dawner? and doner? and blitzen….
(i really did not want to google that, but wanted it in the title. alas.)

i just signed up for the first real online dating site of my life. im perused craigslist casual encounters but never followed through, i dont recall doing so at least… and i have been on networking sites for modeling and other things that at times FEEL like a dating site. but, nothing that was officially a dating site. until now. and im still not sure if i need it or am going to use it. but i wanted to know what was out there, in the world of boys and girls and dinners and drinks waiting to be had in the fair city of san francisco.

i love the person i am dating. i just dont know if we should be together. sadly, he feels the same way. not the best situation for a romantic partnership to thrive in. do i want to share him w other people? do i really need the complications of a poly lifestyle? and do he and i get along fundamentally, besides these other factors…

i want to get MARRIED. bizarre, huh? but i really do! i think it sounds so secure and nice and just wonderful. i want to decorate a house with someone, have nights in together, not have to bring underware back and forth to someones house, plant a garden in the back, cook elaborate dinners together and have this at times be more satisfying than going to parties and bars and socializing. i dont want to get MARRIED and become BORING. no, i really dont want that at all. but i am full on ready for more stability in my life. and if i dont begin working towards it now, i am not going to have it for a very long time. bc these things take time. from what ive heard. bc im not sure, bc i have never been ready for such a major relationship before.

but i am ready, U N I V E R S E do you hear that? : )
ready with a pretty please and sugar on top.

i am so ready to be very in love with the kind amazing person i am with, and am not trying to out ‘us’ in any way on this silly blog. there is just so much going on that i have a burning desire to write about, and its been so complicated for me.

but im in therapy and now on ok cupid. hm. one of those things has to work ; )

one of my top 5 fav questions on the questionnaire:
Do you think women have an obligation to keep their legs shaved?

luckily everyone who has expressed interest in me has said no. and i said no. and i put it in writing and now have a record of it. ha.

on the topic of therapy, i love it and also hate it, but i guess thats a discussion for my therapist and i. i love it more than hate it. i feel good when i am done. but sometimes, more often than not, very pathetic while i am there.

a funny thing happened when i tried to get to her office yesterday. there were people doing work on the elevators, and i had to tell the guy what floor i was going to. he asked what room. i told him. he was interested in the short-ish dress and high-ish heels i was wearing, and continued the conversation by saying ‘oh, you are the new intern, arent you?’, and i said ‘no, im going to see my therapist.’

he looked shocked and said ‘didnt i meet you yesterday? do you go to therapy EVERY DAY?!’ and i said ‘no, i havent met you. i just come once a week’. and he seemed very relieved by my answer and leeringly looked at me like he was considering hitting on me all over again, and the elevator doors mercifully shut. and that was that. and i was left with the satisfaction that, no, i dont need to see a therapist every day. yet…
❤

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About suzyloves

i am flowers on the side of the road. 'yes' and 'joy' are important to me. i may not re-read what i write, and i never won a spelling bee, but i do hope you enjoy.
the world is getting larger, and i fear our 'human-ness' is growing smaller. this is my attempt to connect. i do love you and i do miss you, so this is my hand reaching out so we can all be love <3