Coming Out

Today I told my parents that I am a lesbian. I had guessed my sisters already told them because of my father’s sudden fixation on my lack of boyfriend (Note to Self in Future Life: Come out to siblings after they stop using gay as a synonym for bad). My parents lack of reaction when I told them confirmed my suspicions. I have a feeling from the looks that passed between them they had a conversation about it all. Still, that liberated feeling is seeping over me.

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Congratulations to you. Even though, it seems really silly that we have to view being honest and open about who we are to everyone else as a momentous occasion and a sort of rite of passage. For the non-heterosexual.

But thank you for being brave and righteous enough to stake claim in your identity, especially in the face of possibly scary circumstances. I am happy that you are still at home, that while your parents are still not really ‘accepting’ (I read you’re Post-Euphoria post first), that they didn’t react so dramatically that you found yourself in a wholly different situation. My best friend came out in a similar way (his parents were droning on and on about ‘homos’ and ‘fags’ and he couldn’t take it anymore, and righteously blurted out “I AM one of those homos! I AM one of those FAGS!”) and they kicked him out, leaving him to finish high school while living out of his van. They eventually let him move back into the house after he agreed to one of those bullshit deprogramming counselors.

I don’t know why I went into that. I guess, because I really do understand the potential risk, even if I can’t fully understand most of the implications. Hell, I’m a 25-year-old bisexual who still hasn’t come out to her parents. Mostly, though, because I just know I wouldn’t be taken seriously, but I digress. Congratulations on your freedom, and I wish you luck and strength. Though, I don’t think you’ll need either.

Belial, the same thing happened to one of my friends. He has to constantly move around to find housing in his HSC year. His commute to our school has been anything from five minutes to two hours. I’m glad I’m not in his situation. Thanks for the happy thoughts. 🙂

Congratulations. I’m really glad you got the strength to come out so early. Me, I didn’t even admit my bisexuality to myself until I was about 25, and it took a few years before I talked to my parents about it. My mom was completely cool, as I expected. I was a bit more nervous about my dad, who’s a born-again Christian – and we did end up having a yelling match over the phone, though most of the yelling was him being upset that I ever could think he might be homophobic.

Oh. I hadn’t come by here for a couple of days, so I didn’t see this until now.

A very brave move.

I’m guessing it will take them about five years to relax, and stop worrying about it, and truly accept you as you, lock, stock, girlfriend and all. In the meantime they will hopefully at least be polite.

I’m saying five years because that’s how long it took my dad when his beloved brother, who is also his best friend, came out, when they were both in their fifties (long, complicated story). Dad gulped several times, went through shock, all sorts of things, and worked hard at coming to terms with it, but it took five years before he had come to a new understanding and acceptance of himself and his brother, and they reforged a new, loving relationship.

Same thing with my husband and I, when we found out about our infertility. Took us five years to deal with it. Properly, not just intellectually.

Yes, it is a long time – about 1/4 of your life, but only about 1/8 of mine.

But it’s only 5 years. May not work for your parents of course, but it does sound as though they love you, even if it does come in patriarchal flavours.

You’re incredibly brave. Would be lovely to be there to hold a coming out ball for you, lots of lovely hairy legged (and smoothies if that’s how they like it) women celebrating with you, and celebrating just being ourselves. But we’re all scattered all over the country and all over the world, so t’will have to be a virtual one. So, a virtual cheer for you, and my very best wishes for the next weeks and months.