I was born when a tramp wanked onto a pile of flood-damaged Judas Priest albums that a record shop had thrown out. Lightning struck the cummy pile, and brought it to life. My mum is Judas Priest, my dad is cum.

I thought it was interesting that, at the end of the film, the good brother is the one who dresses in black and the bad brother is the one who dresses in white. That's a reversal of Hollywood's usual colour-coding.

Someone emailed me a document the other day, because the formatting had gone all rubbish and they didn't know why. I unfucked it, then emailed back saying I fixed it, here's why it fucked up, here's how I unfucked it.

Today they emailed me another document with the same issue, asking me to fix that one too. Do it yourself FFS. I don't think they read beyond 'I fixed it'.

Had a very unsatisfactory dream last night. I had the opportunity to kill Donald Trump but didn't take it because I chickened out. There was a high chance of getting caught, plus I would have had to be sure of killing him in one hit otherwise he would have fought back.