Did Katy Perry Kill a Nun?

Katy Perry, owner of some platinum selling albums, a career currently swirling the bowl and a shitty pixie haircut, may have accelerated her downward spiral in a spectacular way this week. You see, I believe that it is possible that Katy Perry killed a nun.

What possible evidence to I have to support that this preposterous claim?

Her metamorphosis from an adorable, feminine creature into a mannish pixie-cut skank with an eyeball in her mouth hole should serve as clear evidence that she is clownshit crazy quite possibly suffering from untold psychological damage and is indeed at least capable of murder.

But the most damning bit of (admittedly very circumstantial) evidence is the company whom she keeps. Perry is a rabid, drooling supporter of the WhiteWater Wench. One who has been compensated handsomely by both Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama’s respective Presidential campaigns. Hillary’s fiercest opponents and protectors have a proclivity for ending up dead, often by violent means. Katy Kat may have simply ripped out a page from Hillary’s playbook.

Thus, I believe that it is remotely possible that Katy Perry killed a nun.

Now, you and I know that as theories go, this isn’t just thin. It’s anorexic. Think Kate Moss circa 1993.

However, is the unproven and semi-ridiculous hypothesis that Katy Perry killed a nun less believable than any of the following news stories…

That same SRO, doesn’t merely refuse to engage an active shooter, he told Broward County Sheriffs Officers who were arriving at the scene to stay at least 500 feet back, potentially costing victims who were critically injured with a chance of survival their lives.

That same Deputy who damn near shat himself when faced with an active shooter situation, publicly stated that he “believed he did a good job.“

Our nation’s FBI, whilst undoubtedly spending time and resources chasing the ghosts of a Trump-Russia conspiracy, claimed that they could not identify the source of a YouTube comment where someone, later identified as Nikolas Cruz, stated “Im going to become a professional school shooter.” The FBI never contacted YouTube to identify a clear threat.

The FBI did not identify the user behind the comments, despite the fact that his username was Nikolas Cruz. You know, with a “k”. You know, with the exact same fucking spelling of the guy who would follow through with his threats a few months later.

A Former United Nations General Assembly President dies by accidentally crushing his own throat in an apparent weightlifting accident. You might not believe this but… His death occurred a week before he was scheduled to testify against Hillary Clinton and the Democratic National Committee in a corruption case.