Thursday, December 9

Was I the only one who did not watch GLEE??

I am sorry all you Glee fans. I swear. I did not watch it. I did not like first 7 episodes and I did not get it. But now, NOW I LOVE IT. Glee is one of those shows in my opinion that needs time to get used to it. Myself , I am more CSI, Law and ORder: SVU , Bones and Castle kind of girl and when Glee came along and everyone was excited, I was like. HUH? you like what? YOu are who? Gleek? What is that?

Anyway. Thanks to HULU I can watch Glee now. Most recent episode was about "Christmas" . Well, it was formed after Grinch stole the Christmas. But what I was drawn to was that Cheerleader and her boyfriend who are in wheelchair.
She wanted Christmas miracle so badly , she believed in santa and all, and in the end she got it. :D GOod for her. Her boyfriend got to walk .. Even for a minute:D

But. If I believed in santa, and had one wish, I am sure, you all know what I would wish for. ... EVEN writing this makes me tear up. I was very angry with the show writers. How could they write such a story, how could they make some 17 year old still believe in santa, and in the end she gets her wish???

WHAT ABOUT ME?? WHERE IS MY WISH? Where is Regina? Smiling, running, happy , healthy? Where is my wish about NO MORE PEDIATRIC CANCER, no more brain tumors, no more kids dying because of cancer? WTF? I wan't my wish NOW!!!

Oh , you have no idea how much work I still have to do before I find my "safe place". I am still lost in so many levels". At times I am still numb, I still hear other people blabbering about some weird pimple on their 2 year old, and I just smile and go. .OK, It will get better...
I have one wish for myself.- I want to get better. I want to find safe place for myself. I wan't to be me and not worry about people feeling pity for me when I cry out of blue.
I wan't to get better.

2 comments:

Diana, it has been 4 years since my dds last tumor (bone) and 12 years since the first one (liver cancer). I still cry at odd, unexpected times and she survived. If you cry out of the blue, please don't worry about other people's reactions. The way they react is their problem, sweetie, not yours. No one knows what the parent of a child with cancer goes through except another parent and even then each person's experience is unique. I think you have come so far in this last year. Healing is a journey and you're doing it--maybe not as fast, or the way you want to, but you're there for Nick and Gabriel and that's so much to be proud of.