Huckabee: Schools ‘A Place of Carnage’ Because Secularists Don’t Have Values

According to Mike Huckabee, God was kicked out of school. Now remember, his God is “an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above, with wisdom, power, and love, [his God] is an awesome God.” Additionally, “when the sky was starless, in the void of the night, He spoke into the darkness, and created the light.” Sounds like a pretty powerful god.

Nevertheless, his God, who created all of existence in less than seven days, was kicked out of school by a bunch of politicians who can’t even balance a checkbook. So how do we interpret this?

As Huckabee explains: “We ask why there is violence in our schools but we have systematically removed God from our schools. Should we be so surprised that schools would become a place of carnage?”

Absolutely! It’s because the all-powerful, omnipotent God got tossed out of school that this psychopath took the lives of 26 people. Maybe this 20-year-old wackadoo could barge past security with his semi-automatic weapons, but hell if God could do it. That takes some serious skill!

Huckabee further explained: “… we’ve made it a place where we don’t want to talk about eternity, life, what responsibility means, accountability — that we’re not just going to be accountable to the police if they catch us, but one day we stand before, you know, a holy God in judgment. If we don’t believe that, then we don’t fear that.”

Again, right on, Huckabee! Those secularists don’t believe in life, responsibility or accountability. If you don’t believe in his God then you will, of course, revert back to humanity’s natural psychotic, homicidal state. Because, you know, we are all secretly mass murderers unless we have a god to tell us what set of morals to follow.

Huckabee had another great point: “And so I sometimes, when people say, why did God let it happen. You know, God wasn’t armed.”

I was a little shocked by that because I thought God was a gun-toting NRA member, but he’s right, God wasn’t armed. A psychotic 20-year-old was armed. So considering the psycho was armed and God wasn’t, as any NRA member knows, this is not a fair fight. God should have been packing.

Nevertheless, God will show up “in the form of a lot people with hugs and with therapy.” Yeah hugs!

Huckabee further clarifies his message today: “… my point is a larger point — that we have as a culture decided that we don’t want to have values; that we don’t want to say that some things are always right, some things are always wrong.”

I was at that meeting where we decided that we don’t want to have values. Initially, we did decide that adultery was fine but when we couldn’t come to a conclusion on mass murder, we just decided to ditch the whole effort altogether.

The fact is, Huckabee is right. We should accept his God because whether God is packing or not, at least we get hugs.

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.