Regifting is all right as long as the gift is appropriate

Published 12:00 am, Friday, March 24, 2006

Dear Karen
,
What is your take on regifting? My girlfriend thinks it's improper but I can't see where she's coming from. She is sooo irritated that I gave her parents a bottle of wine that someone brought to my house once for a party.
Pete
Dear Pete
,
I think regifting is fine, within reason. I think what you did was fine. Perhaps there is some underlying reason why your girlfriend is irritated. Often times fights over trivial things aren't just about those trivial things.
But back to the regifting question. As long as the gift is appropriate for the intended person, I think you are OK to regift.
I asked a feng shui expert about this once. In feng shui, they are very mindful of the energy emanating from a gift and they feel a gift should have positive energy surrounding it. I think that makes great sense. So as long as your intention in giving the gift is positive and the potential recipient would want this particular gift, I think you are doing a good thing.
Karen
Dear Karen
I saw my ex-boyfriend at a party and this close friend I was with kept staring at him and talking to him. I can't believe she did that.
Isn't that rude? She kept looking at him when she didn't think I was looking and trying to talk to him. Should I confront her about this?
Jess
Dear Jess
,
I think it's probably very normal to be a little hurt and annoyed at your friend. And I even see why you might think it's rude or a betrayal. Maybe she is one of those friends who loves to steal other people's boyfriends. There are those kinds of girls out there. It's good to tuck that observation of her away for the future. Perhaps someone who is more sensitive would ignore the guy entirely, knowing you would be hurt by any attention paid to him.
But honestly, I think you need to stop worrying about her and focus on yourself. You and your ex aren't even together anymore, so perhaps she didn't even realize you still have feelings for him.
The bottom line is unless you are dating him, he's fair game for anyone. I'm not saying you shouldn't still have feelings; feelings can be hard to control. I'm not saying, either, that your girlfriend is acting 100 percent appropriately. But you should try not to hold resentment toward people who might become involved with him.
He's not yours anymore.
Someone else might be better off with him. And you will probably be better off with someone else.
Karen

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