Massive rise in forced gay marriages

The recent legalisation of gay marriage has now formalised the process for forced gay marriages. Some members of the Conservative backbench have voiced concern about vulnerable young boys and girls being preyed on by older members of the community, who marry them against their will.

A minister for the Catholic Church noted that forced gay marriage has risen infinity per cent since before the legalisation of gay marriage. However, he refused to confirm or deny allegations that a priest had married himself off to the altar boy.

A UKIP spokesman stated that forced gay marriage was most likely among poor families of Asian origin, and that UKIP would kick them all out the country to protect the good English people who might otherwise have had to bring a gift to a wedding they could ill afford.

Ed Miliband, leader of the Labour party, either could not be reached for comment, or could be reached but couldn't think of any comment to make. His office issued a statement saying that the Cameron was almost certainly to blame for this rise in forced gay marriage, and further observed that this would almost certainly result in a rise in the cost of living for low and middle income families.

Researchers from the University of Durham had spent 4 days on Twitter confirming that forced gay marriage was now "a thing". A paper published in 'Nature Religion' cited the huge commotion on the social media platform about something with the hashtag #FGM, thus confirming their belief that it was on the rise.