Introducing My Wife

New Member

I would like to introduce my wife to meet my Japanese colleagues and friends.
What should I say in Japanese? Which tone should I express? Formal or informal?
How different is it if I introduce her to a casual friend or newly met person?

Senior Member

I would like to introduce my wife to meet my jap colleagues and friends.
What should I say in Japanese? Which tone should i express? Formal or informal?
How different is it if I introduce her to a casual friend or newly met person?

Senior Member

Basically: Japan is a group oriented society. You always have to distinguish between your own group and the rest of the word.
If you are talking about your own group, you had better talk them down at any cost
Well, at least you must never praise your own group or talk about them in honorific language. For that reason you must not use honorific language when you are talking about your own wife.
Your own wife is 妻 other people's wifes are 奥さん. You don't even have to say 私の. When you say 妻 everybody knows that you are refering to your own wife.
And that rule applies to every part of the Japanese society and therefore language.

If you talk about your own group (wife, children, relatives, friends) you must use humble words and you must never praise them or say that they are smart or something. And you must never use honorific language to refer to your own group.

If you talk about people outside your own group you use honorific language in formal situations.

You really want to be carefull about this. Just one example. Even if their children just have graduated the best high school in Japan with the best results in the last 15 years, parents will never say that their own children are smart or hard workers out loud in front of other people. They will say that their children just had been lucky or something.

PS: There is a proverb foreigners use to describe this phenomenon: The nail that sticks out gets hammered down. And you don't want to be that nail.
I don't know how Japanese people think about this proverb. Would be happy to hear some native's opinions on this

Senior Member

It's ok! I knew something about honorific language and humble language, but I never realized why they were so important. And the distinction between my own group and the rest of the world is a topic new to me, really.

Now I know that I must never praise my own group and I have always to use humble words, language. But should I use humble language also to my father, mother or grandparents? Aren't they "treated" with 尊敬語?
(Ex)I must speak to them as I always do with my brother, friends and childred?

According to the things said, if I had to introduce my brother (謙譲語) I will say:

兄の［Name］です.

Where 兄 is an humble word, right?

Wow...I think that I have to study some new humble words and verbs because they are more important than I thought.

Senior Member

Now I know that I must never praise my own group and I have always to use humble words, language. But should I use humble language also to my father, mother or grandparents? Aren't they "treated" with 尊敬語?

Who belongs to your group is a question depending on the specific situation.

If you are in a conversation with your teacher your parents belong to your group and he is the other group. So you will use the humble expressions 母（はは） and 父（ちち） when you talk about them with people outside your family.

If you are talking to your parents your group is just yourself and your parents belong to the other group. In this situation you will adress your parents with お母さん and お父さん.

Also, there is nothing wrong about praising your own children as long as you don't do it in front of other people who don't belong to your family.
Example situation:
Boy comes home from school with a good grade. As a father you will say "Well done big boy! I'm proud of you!" or something nice to your son.
But then you walk outside the house and are asked by your neighboor "Hey, how was your son's exam?" In this situation you will say "Oh... not that good. As usual he had major parts wrong..." about your son to another person.

So yes. If you are asked for the name of your elder brother in a job interview or a similar situation you will use 兄 to talk about him. But you will probably use お兄さん when you talk to him.