I know this is going to create a lot of reaction from the unmarried couples out there, but I still want ask this question: What ever happened to getting married first before trying to start a family? There are so many of you that are not married, only engaged or just with a boyfriend, who are trying to conceive. Why not get married and then start a family, in the correct chronological order! What is happening to this world? How can so many of you do it the wrong way around, not by accident, but by intentionally planning to do so? Step 1 is to get married to the love of your life. Step 2 is to make sure your marriage is strong and is going to last. Then, step 3, is to plan to have a family. I know this is the old-fashioned way, but it is also the right way to make sure things are going to work out for you.

I think you've described the ideal situation, and I agree, a strong family begins with a solid foundation. I don't however pa__s judgement on any woman who chooses otherwise, as there are plenty of healthy families that are not the "traditonal" type.

I agree with you Elle. It is so sad when I ask one of my students who their mother and father are- only to be told different last names. If they plan to be together forever (which is what I hope if they decide to have children) then why not get married first. If they don't plan on being together then they sure don't need children. It is so sad to see kids living without their fathers in their life or their mothers. Parents need to be responsible. There is nothing that would make me do something to jeopardize my marriage b/c I would never do that to may children. In the corrupt world we live in kids need both parents and a stable home life. But that is such a sore subject with me. Basically I'm just saying I agree with Elle. You go girl!!

me any my fiance have been together almost ten years,got a our own house five years ago and now want a baby,so are you saying that if i had met moved in and married within say the space of a year that would make us a stronger couple that will last,getting married doesnt guarentee that you will always be together.

Natalie, she didn't pa__s any judgement on anyone she just expressed her thoughts. She didn't finger point anyone. I must say i agree with Elle, what happened to this world ? PPL now take marriage & babies for granted, it is sad.
again, I am NOT pa__sing jugdement on anyone, like all the umarried could ask us, why do u bother getting married anyway...ur ent_tled to it.
Ell i must say , OUCH...u just opened a can of worms here..lol.
Call me old fashionned but i'm only 26 ( going 27 ) and i value marriage sooo much, but hey, ppl are different.
DIDN'T MEAN TO OFFEND ANYBODY,OK !

I think that some married couples need to recognize that there are plenty of unmarried individuals who respect the ideals of marriage so much, that they choose to wait until they are ready or are intelligent enough to know their shortcomings and capabilities to not to. Instead of asking unmarried couples why they are having children and superimposing your supposed Judeo-Christian based belief formed box upon others, ask yourself why there are so many married couples (esp. in the past two decades) who have taken the "sanct_ty" of marriage for granted and just as quickly as they walked up and down the aisle of a church they have moved to the aisle of a court house for a divorce. It is THE MARRIED couples who have created the disasters known as divorce, not the "unmarried" individuals.
In addition, I think a few of you need to applaude the notion that singletons are taking a stance and working on themselves first, before creating a union with someone only to find out that they can't "hack" it.
What I question is why are there so many people rushing to get married, instead of realizing that they aren't ready for marriage, household responsibilities and children. Why are you putting yourselves an unnecessary and completely self-created chaotic mess, instead of being a true individual and handling your business prior?
Recognize Miss Elle, that plenty of you shack up under the certificate of marriage and haven't a clue who you are, or who your man is to begin with. Many people are so rushing to escape their own demons that they think "playing" house is going to give them a sense of security and the happiness they're looking for. Well as you can see from the divorce rate of Americans many of you are delusional. And living under the guise of "doing it the right way." Go with that feeling. And enjoy eating that can of worms, Darling.

You need to step back and worry about your own life and not anyone elses. You are not in a position to pa__s judgement on anyone else. I thought this country was free so that people could live their life the way they see fit. Please dont force your values on the rest of us. If you dont believe in it, dont do it, but chastise the rest of us for our beliefs. Have a little respect.

I am married. And I myself will always choose to marry first then kids. But that's just my own choice, not anyone else's business. And same thing, I respect other people's choice, if they are ready to have baby, I wish them luck. They are responsible aldult with their own mind. So it would be nice if put all those" How can you" away and be helpful when people ask for help.

And just to add, I'm not referring to all "married" couples. I'm referring to the belligerent and ignorant married types such as ELLE who have the audacity to use such terminology as "the right way" while throwing out some pa__sive aggressive query to the ma__ses.
Just say you don't agree with it, Elle. And move on. You don't agree with unmarried people playing house and we don't agree with stupid married types who can't think or live outside of their moral box.
Don't pretend as if you're legitimately interested so you can educate yourself.

Marriage symbolizes committment and I think that some of you are just trying to say (at least this is the way I see it) is that if a couple wants to conceive a child they should be in it for the long haul. When getting married your intention is to stay together and procreate if you choose however, divorce rates are high so some may choose to stay in long term relationships without a piece of paper saying you are married. I do not think it is to have a child out of wedlock what I think is wrong is to have a child intentionally if you are not in a stable relationship or do not plan on raising a baby on your own. Too many children end up in foster care of with single moms who live off of the system because they cannot afford to support the children they have. In my opinion the child is the biggest committment not the marriage. I for one would want to make sure that my boyfriend, fiance or hubby was going to be with me through think and thin no matter what before I decided to have a baby! I don't think that just because you are married means that you won't have a husband who will leave or cheat or beat you or etc. There are many married couples having children that shouldn't as well as single people.

Yes, Elle I am with you. This world is going towards an end with their sins and they think its normal. THis is my opinion!!!! And this is sure what the Bible says..... That is why you guys dont have blessed realtionship, blessed family (later on) so many unhappy couples/people, divorces, hurt kids. This should stop because Gods Mercy is not forever. Please come to Lord and begin a new life. A life that never ends, only God can give you that live. God will bless you, just try it. Start changing those weird principles and you will see how everything will change around you, you will be happy in your relation ship...

Oh my god, this is a pregnancy forum if you hadn't noticed.. How does these people not marrying affect you???? It doesn't so why bother even posting this TRASH... A child is a life time commitment, and marriage is a thing of the past.. I am married, but certainly do not begrudge anyone who isn't married that has children... You think if your married the child will be more loved.. GET A LIFE PEOPLE

OK. I just can't leave this alone. I trully hope 2nd elle is not a real person. Go to a baptist church and you can see plenty of sin!!!!! "Who here is without sin may cast the first stone". If you are going to quote the bible how about this one "Love thy nieghbor as thyself". GOD is the only judge. Not you, not I.

I find it funny that in life the first people to point their fingers, criticize, chastise and abuse are the same fools who proclaim to "Love the Lord" and spout the Bible like they're robots.
Maybe you need to take care of your own life and keep your mouth shut about others' lives. Have you thought about that?