Fellow children of the '80s: Merely pondering the possibility of a "Karate Kid" remake tears at the very fiber of our adolescence.

No one else needs to say the words "wax on-wax off" ever again. No teen bully could possibly be as slickly menacing as Billy Zabka. And as climactic showdown songs go, nothing could beat the cliched bombast of "You're the Best Around." (Now it'll be stuck in your head the rest of the day, just like it's stuck in mine. You're welcome.)

Sure, John G. Avildsen's original 1984 movie was formulaic, but it was OUR formula. There was no doubt Daniel-San was ever going to lose to rich, arrogant Johnny, leader of the Cobra Kai, in the finals of the big karate tournament. But that was OK. He had heart on his side — and the crane kick. Avildsen also directed "Rocky," so he knew a little something about playing up the underdog theme for maximum emotional impact. We were sucked in despite ourselves.

Nevertheless, a new version of "The Karate Kid" is upon us. Director Harald Zwart ("Agent Cody Banks") hits all the same notes and adheres closely to Robert Mark Kamen's original script, down to a sweep-the-leg moment in the finale. Details have been tweaked in Christopher Murphey's new script, including the setting: Instead of moving from New Jersey to Los Angeles because of his single mom's new job, our young hero moves from Detroit to Beijing, where he promptly incurs the wrath of the local thugs and learns martial arts to protect himself. (And by the way, it's now kung fu.)

Ralph Macchio was what, like, 35 when he played Daniel? But he looked 16, as his character was, so he seemed like a good fit. Now the character, Dre, is 12 — as is the film's star, Jaden Smith, son of Will and Jada (both executive producers). But with his pretty face and slight build, Smith looks about 9. It's inescapably distracting. And so neither the fighting nor the romance with a girl who's out of his league — two key components of "The Karate Kid" — makes sense.

Jackie Chan is solid in Mr. Miyagi roleEven after the obligatory training montage, Smith is still a tiny, lean kid. Macchio didn't exactly bulk up, but he had an attitude about him, an East Coast swagger, that helped make his transformation into a karate master believable. Plus it's just uncomfortable watching kids this age beat each other up to the point of serious injury; there's no one to root for in that.

Still, we must watch Dre go through the motions of learning from Mr. Han (Jackie Chan), the handyman in the building where he and his mother, Sherry (Taraji P. Henson) now live.

Dre hates it in China — doesn't understand the language, can't use chopsticks, etc. — but when he meets a pretty violinist named Mei Ying in the park, he's smitten. School bully Cheng (Zhenwei Wang) doesn't like this development, though, and goes on a mission to make Dre's life even more hellish than it already was. Enter Mr. Han, who not only fights off Dre's enemies, he heals the boy's injuries and puts him through his own peculiar training regimen.

We all know where this is headed: The Big Tournament. But first, "The Karate Kid" stops at the Great Wall and the Forbidden City — you know, just because they're picturesque — which contribute to the movie's overlong running time. Still, Chan is solid in an extremely different role, one that's much more serious and understated than his well-known, playful persona. All the trademark acrobatics are there, but without the cheerful mugging. After decades on screen, it's refreshing to see Chan shift gears like this.

Functioning in the Mr. Miyagi role, Chan also has decent chemistry with Smith. But things are awkward between Smith and Wenwen Han, the Chinese version of Elisabeth Shue's Ali-with-an-I. Their ages, her shy demeanor, her English (which is sometimes hard to understand) — all these factors conspire against them, and the film.

The ending is still rousing enough to make the film a crowd-pleaser, though. But after this, hopefully some '80s classics like "Sixteen Candles," "Better Off Dead" and "Revenge of the Nerds" will remain off-limits.

Copyright 2010 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.

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Stars: Katherine Heigl, Ashton Kutcher, Catherine O'Hara, Tom Selleck

Director: Robert Luketic

Scheduled release date: June 4

Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt (Heigl) believes she’ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes (Kutcher). Too bad he has a deadly secret life.
(Lionsgate)
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'Get Him to the Greek'

Stars: Jonah Hill, Elisabeth Moss, Russell Brand

Director: Nicholas Stoller

Scheduled release date: June 4

Hill plays a record company intern with two days to drag an uncooperative rock legend (Brand) to Hollywood for a comeback concert. Musicians Katy Perry and Christina Aguilera, among others, appear as themselves.
(Universal Pictures)
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'Marmaduke'

Stars: Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, Judy Greer, William H. Macy

Director: Tom Dey

Scheduled release date: June 4

The giant Great Dane (voice by Wilson) from the comic strips springs out of the newspaper and on to the big screen. The dog and his hapless family make the move from Kansas to California, bringing crazy chaos with them.
(20th Century Fox)
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'Splice'

Stars: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, David Hewlett

Director: Vincenzo Natali

Scheduled release date: June 4

Two young scientists (Brody, Polley) begin involving human DNA in their splicing of animal genes. But is the mutant creature they create a human hybrid, or something else entirely?
()
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'The A-Team'

Stars: Liam Neeson, Bradley Cooper, Jessica Biel, Sharlto Copley

Director: Joe Carnahan

Scheduled release date: June 11

Every 1980s TV series must eventually become a movie, apparently. As in the original "A-Team," former U.S. soldiers unfairly convicted of a crime escape from military prison and became do-gooder mercenaries. But where's Mr. T?
(20th Century Fox)
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'Karate Kid 2'

Stars: Jaden Smith, Jackie Chan and Taraji P. Henson

Director: Jon Favreaul

Scheduled release date: May 7

Yes, that's Will Smith's young son taking on the lead role in this remake of the 1984 Ralph Macchio hit. Jackie Chan takes over for Pat Morita as the young whiz kid's mentor. Sweep the leg, Johnny.
(Columbia Pictures)
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'Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work'

Stars: Joan Rivers, Melissa Rivers, Kathy Griffin, Don Rickles

Director: Ricki Stern and Annie Sundberg

Scheduled release date: June 11

This documentary exposes the private dramas of trailblazing comedian and pop icon Joan Rivers as she travels the country performing, worrying, and complaining.
(Courtesy of San Francisco Film S)
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'Toy Story 3'

Woody and Buzz's owner, Andy, heads off to college, and the toys head off to a daycare center. They're thrilled with the prospect of so much play, but soon run into problems, especially with a smooth-talking Ken doll.
(Walt Disney Pictures, Pixar Anim)
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'Jonah Hex'

Stars: Josh Brolin, Megan Fox, Michael Fassbender

Director: Jimmy Hayward

Scheduled release date: June 18

Disfigured bounty hunter Hex (Brolin) leaps from his comic book to the big screen, and must attempt to stop a terrorist who's ready to unleash hell on earth.
(Warner Bros. Pictures)
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'Grown Ups'

Stars: Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek, Steve Buscemi, Chris Rock

Director: Dennis Dugan

Scheduled release date: June 25

A star-studded cast leads this comedy, which tells the tale of five best friends from high school who reunite 30 years later on a Fourth of July weekend.
(Columbia Pictures)
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'The Twilight Saga: Eclipse'

In "The Twilight Saga: Eclipse," Bella Swan (Stewart) once again finds herself surrounded by danger as Seattle is ravaged by a string of mysterious killings. In the midst of it all, she is forced to choose between her love for Edward Cullen (Pattinson) and her friendship with Jacob Black (Lautner).
(Photo By Kimberley French / Summit Entertainment)
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Editor's note:
This image contains graphic content that some viewers may find disturbing.