19th Jan is Tejaswee’s birthday, she would have been 20. I keep thinking of how we would have felt if we knew on her 19th birthday what the year had in store for us. I used to sing this old song to my kids, we sang it together a lot, mainly the first few lines and the chorus and then making up whatever seemed apt.

I have no idea how I am going to feel this Wednesday. This picture was taken on 19th Jan 2008, in Pune.

Tejaswee with the cat she brought home from a garbage dump in 2004, Sher Khan.Sometimes ‘not remembering’ is less painful than remembering but I would rather remember and cry, than try to ‘not remember’ and smile. But I hope to remember and still smile. And smiling is made easier by messages like this one from Pallavi,

“I hope you will celebrate the day Tj was born, celebrate the happiness that your daughter gave you, and the incredibly close bond that you shared. she will not want you to cry. she will want you to celebrate ‘her’.”

awww… heart touchin… have also been thinkin of 19th for a long time now… have been thinkin of all of u n tj… Even if she is not here with us.. i do want to wish her a very happy life… am sure she is gonu have that wherever she is… n happy bday tj… for u sure have been born again in all our hearts… even i want to do something for tj on 19th… this day will be spl even to us IHM… it will always be… God bless ya all… whether we cry or whether we smile… remembering her will be the best thing… yes, there is no changing that…

wat a soul she must have been if she is able to move strangers into tears cos of her absence in this ephemeral world… is it love – is it empathy – is it the greatness – is it that marvel in the youngster that makes us all remember her day in n day out – i know not… i donot kno hw to say tht i love u n miss u… but yet i do.. n its one of those mystifyin feelings… am not gud with dates… yet – aug5th – aug9th – aug13th – i remem all those posts written then… july15th… aug 11th… jan19th… these days i know wil nvr be 4gotten… july 29th – ur last post on the cake formulae…😉 i wil try tht some day buddy.. u live on tj.. in all our hearts… oh,,, how i miss u man… calvin n hobbes.. the cat named puppy… the fifa world cup.. glee.. paper dolly thermocol face… can nvr 4get all this… u make me smile… u make cry… n u make me wanna remember you… god bles u kiddo wherever u are…

Those were lovely lines from Deviantwave.
I am retyping them in Devanagari.
Please pardon any errors in spelling
I am no Pundit in Hindi, but merely love the language
I always prefer reading Hindi in our own Devanagari script.

I empathise with you IHM.
Yes, I agree, you must remember and shed a tear, rather than forget.
The smile must be a brave one, not a despondent one.
Remember her with pride and console yourself with the thought that she is far better off in Heaven.
God must have loved her too much and must have decided she deserves to be with him much earlier.
I will say a special prayer for her on Jan 19. when I visit the local temple.

I always amaze at the way, either Calvin or Hobbes hits the nail on my current situation, when I read it in The Hindu…and I guess it happened to you too, with this C &H. Thanks to the person, for sharing such a sweet one.

IHM, its only when we forget, we’ve to remember, right ???? Tejaswee is always there inside you and around you in those small things which she did. Yes, remembering, crying and then smiling, is all part of overcoming the grief….so go ahead and do it all.

A special prayer for Tejaswee, from my side !!! Let her memories make you smile.

IHM I hope u have a good day tmr. U were so lucky that T was born to u on this day. I feel I know her a little… from your posts and her own writings. Wish I knew her more. Being a LSRite myself feel a special affinity for her. I will read a chapter of Geeta keeping her in mind. I know I will be thinking of all of you tmr.

I wish Tejaswee a very happy birthday. Got the blog address from the newspaper today. At work I suddenly recalled & checked out the blog. I must say that she was a great writer… fabulous at expressing & had a very optimistic & fresh approach towards life. Loved her blog… will be following u both now on…

You know, that post where you told the rest of us that TJ has changed her address to our hearts? In that post, you wrote, “She will never make me cry, this daughter of mine, who has brought us nothing but happiness.” I was VERY struck by those lines.. and the steely resolve that resonates.. that would just BE TJ’s mom speaking..

Belated happy birthday TJ (Yes, i did think of her that day, and then afterwards.. just like a few thousand people all over the world.. heaven’s flower delivery was severely overworked that day)