Children in Divorce: A Parent's Do's and Don'ts

March 14, 2017
By
Smith Law Offices, LLC

Share

The one thing that will always make a divorce difficult is children. If
a couple shares children, it may be hard for them to compromise on both
child custody and child support. Both parents want to spend as much time
as possible with their kids and may not trust the other parent to do well
in raising them. Many parents should follow the recommendations below
to avoid the pitfalls and repeat the good calls of divorcing couples that
have come before them to do their best to support their children during
this time.

Do’s

Do Talk to Your Kids

They may not be old enough to understand the most of what’s happening,
but children know when something significant is occurring. Likewise, the
older they are, the more they understand the repercussions of the divorce.
However, children tend to be egocentric, meaning they think the world
revolves around them. They may mistakenly believe that the divorce is
their fault or that it will somehow change your relationship with them.
You need to get your children to understand the divorce wasn’t their
fault, and you and your spouse still love them as much as before.

Do Stay Consistent

Stability is essential for children. Divorce may seem like a volatile time,
so keeping to a schedule and set of behaviors is important. For example,
if you have a standard routine, try to keep to it as much as possible.
If you typically punish them for not doing their homework, don’t
avoid the unpleasant task of punishing them the next time they skip their
homework. Kids may feel angry and scared during a divorce. Their emotions
are understandable, and you can acknowledge them even as you fail to tolerate
unhealthy or harmful behaviors.

Do Make Time for Your Kids

Even if you’re not currently living with them, you should work with
your spouse to ensure you spend enough quality time with your children.
Even phone calls are enough to reinforce the idea that just because you
moved out, it doesn’t mean you’re leaving them forever.

Do Seek Therapy

If you can afford to take your children to a therapist, do so. Great family
therapists are trained to help children cope with their feelings and with
the changes involved in a divorce. You may not be able to give them effective
coping methods, while a therapist might.

Don’ts

Don’t Tell Them More Than They Can Handle

When you tell them about the divorce, be sure to tailor the information
to their age and maturity level. Some kids aren’t capable of handling
some information emotionally. Use common sense in determining what to
say and what details to leave out.

Don’t Use Your Kids as Go-Betweens

Your children may be the only thing keeping you and your spouse in each
other’s lives, but they are not messengers for your conversation.
If you don’t want to speak to your wife or husband, write a letter
or send a text. Your kids will not appreciate being used as go-betweens
at the end of your relationship, particularly if the feeling between you
and your wife or husband is bitter.

Don’t Badmouth Your Spouse in Front of Them

Just as you shouldn’t use your kids as messengers, you shouldn’t
vent your feelings of anger to them. While your relationship with your
spouse may be broken, they still have an entirely different relationship
to him or her. You may be angry at your husband or wife, but your children
are not obligated to share in that anger. Trying to turn them against
your spouse is also a poor decision.

Don’t Encourage Parental Alienation

Some parents are so enraged by their divorce they try and turn their children
against their spouse. This type of manipulative behavior is called parental
alienation and can be damaging to your child and to their relationship
with your spouse. It’s a kind of psychological manipulation that
results in a child showing fear, disrespect, or hostility towards the
other spouse. It is also considered a form of psychological abuse and
family violence. If you are suspected of this behavior, a judge is unlikely
to grant you
custody.

If you need help with divorcing as a parent, don’t hesitate to call
us. Our skilled
St. Charles divorce attorneys have more than 20 years of legal experience to offer you and your family.
We understand the divorce process can be hard, and we are capable of handling
the most contentious situations.
Smith Law Offices, LLC is a locally run and family-owned business ready to help people in the
St. Charles area. Let us see what we can do for you in a case consultation.

The information on this website is for general information purposes only.
Nothing on this site should be taken as legal advice for any individual
case or situation. This information is not intended to create, and receipt
or viewing does not constitute, an attorney-client relationship.