DPRK-90X: The North Korean Workout Plan

October 12th, 2012, 12:50 AM

You think CrossFit is tough? You think Ranger School is tough? You think Navy SEAL training is tough? You should try the new DPRK-90X, aka North Korean Special forces training. This is from a translated interview with defector and captain of North Korean Special Forces:

The training begins on 5 a.m. The fundamental of the training is to turn the entire body into steely firmness, and the basic part is training the fist.

It's true, the fist is one of the most neglected skeletal-muscular groups in the body.

Mr. Im said, "You would wrap a tree trunk with ropes, and keep punching it. You throw 5000 punches day and night -- do that for a month, the inside of your fist swells up until you can barely curl your fingers." He added, "Then you open a tin can and set it up on a stand. You keep punching the sharp part. When your hand turns into mush with blood and pus, you start punching a pile of salt. Repeat it, and your hands become like a stone." Mr. Im explained, "You punch the salt so that the salt would prevent the hand from rotting away with the blood." According to Mr. Im, with the hand trained like this "you can easily break 20 sheets of cement blocks, and you can kill a person with three punches." His hands would naturally make a fist throughout the interview. This reporter had to respectfully ask that he unclench his fist during the interview.

That's just insane. Utterly insane. Never do more than 2,500 tree punches in a day. 5,000 tree punches a day, for an entire month, is just way too much volume. I'd scale it back to 1,400 tree punches - but really make them intense - then take a rest day, and then increase 5% and do 1,470 intense tree punches. (Alternatively, on the rest day, just hit the tree with a different body part, like a foot or an elbow.) Also, when you punch the salt, be sure to use a high-quality sea salt (organic, if possible) in order to minimize your pesticide exposure.

Want to work on your traps and delts? Try "the Bridge":

The way to train shoulder and arm muscles was also unique. Mr. Im said, "You would take off your top, line up, put your hands on the shoulder of the person in front of you and put your head down. And then a car would drive on top of the outstretched arms." He explained, "The car goes fast enough not to break your arms, but if you don't concentrate your shoulder would be destroyed."

Don't make me tell you about "the Tunnel".

Add a little MMA, just for kicks:

In a martial art called "Gyeok-sul," the special forces train by sparring each other. Mr. Im said, "Kim Il-Sung used to say he wanted a warrior who can defeat a hundred, but honestly that's not possible. But we get trained enough to fight ten men without guns."

They do "polar bear swims" too:

In the winter, according to Mr. Im, the special forces are thrown into the sea around 4 km [TK: 2.5 miles] away. Mr. Im said, "The ocean temperature is about negative 30-40 degrees in North Korea in the middle of winter," and said "The salt water feels like blades; the capillaries all over your body burst out, and some people just die there."

As for their diet, it consists of whole grains porridge. They're so poor, I bet they almost eat a vegetarian diet. Of course, an alternative hypothesis is that they've discovered the secret to optimal nutrition.

My independent assessment? The North Koreans are over-training. Less is more, fellas!