Elite: Lave Revolution Competition

Fire-up your word processors, set-up your typewriters or break out the notepads and pens, because we’re back with another drabble competition!

What’s a “drabble” you ask? It’s a story written in precisely 100 words, no more and no less. Stories of 99 or less and 101 or more need not apply. Titles, if given one, are not included in the word count.

This time we’d like you to write a review of some of the ships in-game. Wax lyrical about the Cobra MkIII, describe the lines of the Imperial Clipper or tell us how much you love your Freagle, sorry, I mean Eagle. However, we do have to put our foot down, you can only choose ships that are currently available in Elite: Dangerous. Sorry guys, no arriving Soon™’s, no Corvettes and no Kraits.

What are the other rules?

As many entries as you want, but please don’t go too mad.

Entries must be 100 words in length exactly.

Entries must be submitted before 31st March 2015 to be valid.

As a prize for your hard work we’ll be giving away a paperback copy of our very own Allen Stroud’s ‘Elite: Lave Revolution’, signed by the author with a dedication of your choice (within reason). In addition, we’ll be picking our favourite entries, recording them and turning them into ads for future use on the show.

Entries can be submitted either by email to info@laveradio.com with the subject “Ship Review Drabble Competition”; or you can submit them in the comments section below. Though please keep in mind that you won’t be able to edit your comment once submitted (due to WordPress constraints); they can only be edited by the Lave Radio crew, so if you’ve got a typo you’ll need to drop us a line to have it amended.

If you’re planning on using something like MS Word, beware, its word counting function can be a bit finicky. We recommend using Word Counter to make sure your drabble is valid – also it would save us a lot of time if you could double check it’s definitely 100 on-the-dot, we’d appreciate that.

24 Comments:

Elegant, nimble and deadly. These are three words that you won’t be using to describe your Lakon Type Six as you drive her through the void like the proverbial pack-mule that she is.
These aren’t negative points Though. You’re a grizzled space trucker after all, not some flashy show off bounty hunter. You’ll find she has the cargo capacity to shift over a hundred tonnes in a single run, a solid capable jump range with good fuel efficiency and the ability to land at outposts, allowing you to tap into small mining markets the bigwigs in her bigger brothers can’t.

The Cobra Mark Three. It’s the ship of choice of the Elite. You want to fight? It can fight better than any Indie Trader being pulled for taxes. You want to race? It’s faster than an Alliance pilot’s withdrawal from a combat zone. You want to trade? It can hold enough liquor for two pirate stag nights.

The Cobra Mark Three, ship of more Elite pilots than any other vessel. The Cobra Mark Three, ship of more Elite wannabes than any other vessel. The Cobra Mark Three, it’s so good, they have never had to make a Cobra Mark Four.

The Asp may have ‘Explorer’ in its name, but it is far from the only offering from Lakon capable of striding off into the vast unknown.

For those of a smaller budget the Type 6 can be a remarkably capable exploration vessel. Plenty of capacity for scanners, a capacious fuel scoop, repair facilities, and mineral prospecting gear, without compromising jump range or capacity. Properly fitted it is capable of clearing 25 light years in a single jump, a full tank can take you over 300 light years if used economically.

They’ve got their pilots license, they’ve got their dreams, now they expect YOU to ‘help’ them get their first ship. Fear not parents for help is at hand, introducing the all new Zorgon Peterson Hauler! Safer than an eagle, more fun than a sidewinder and sporting the award worthy state of the art ‘box-dynamique’™ design that’s all the rage with the young’uns. To put it simply your child will love you forever, guaranteed*!

*guarantee only covers natural parent child love, customer holds total burden of proof should any negative effect be claimed. All claims to be submitted via Thargoid homeworld.

Soft and sultry; she’s the super hot, super sexy, superstar of supercruise. EE BY GUM, GAL! That’s not Azure milk bringing all the pirates to the yard! Prepare to be interdicted and ogled. Seductive… Sumptuous…

Soar like an eagle. Flaunt it. Jump like an eagle… WITH BIONIC KANGAROO LEGS! Want it. Oh yes. This girl can jump. Explore like an eagle; those mountains of cartographics data.

I just noticed I wrote “sore” instead of “soar” haha. I don’t think I was subconsciously hinting at the Eagle’s fragility although it’s possible. Sorry about that. SOAR! I did write it in 6 minutes whilst cradling a crate of Guinness, in my defence. Oh ma goad 🙁

The sidewinder is the greatest ship that you never owned. I say this because there is no reason for you to actually buy this ship because it is rewarded to you for acts of stupidity. Fly your ASP into the side of a Coriolis Station while looking for the entrance without shields and funds which do not meet the minimum required for insurance? No problem, here is a sidewinder. It is quite maneuverable but this is necessary for when you dock / un-dock you will be forced out of the way like an obstruction to a fat kid and the buffet

Madam, I see you perusing this fine list of ships. Allow me to help.
The big ships are just that – bulk. Too much tonnage.
Haulers, they sure pull the money in but also the pirates.
You’re thinking Cobra Mk III. The all-rounder because it’s what Dad flew, right?
But what did Dad fear … apart from Thargoids?
YES! That nest of police Vipers.
When you squeeze the trigger you want to feel the reverberation of that cannon through your seat, yeah?
You don’t strap into your ship. Hell no! You strap the ship to you. Sleek. Punchy. Nimble.
You go girl!

Ladies and Gentlemen! Hello.
You just bought a ship and are eager to get out there, right?
I’m just the boring formality; a waste of your precious time.

In this room now, twelve of you will die, never having docked!
Oh! It’s gone quiet. I’m not so boring now, am I?

The precious time I just spoke of – you can reclaim it, here and now.
Buy a RemLock. Some of those ships aren’t all that amazing when outnumbered and outgunned.
RemLock will give you back that precious time. Lose a ship but save your life.

Packing Note
Congratulations on choosing a Sidewinder Mk1. Everyone here at Faulcon DeLacy is proud to have worked on such a famous spacecraft. There are a couple things to do before you enjoy your new craft…

The bio-component of the electronics has been shipped in a separate container. Check the Use-By date on its side before pouring into the main core.

Leave the ship connected to GalNet for any software updates.

Sidewinders are more than just stepping-stones to larger ships. They come with a range of official upgrades, customising them to the way you want to fly. We’re not responsible for modifications.

Inner Beauty
The PR girl from Lakon just smiled at me as I expressed my disapproval at the new version of the Asp. She just beamed as I told her that the bulky nose looked like a carbuncle. I thought it was because the opinion of an old hack like me didn’t matter any more.

Then she took me through to the cockpit. The view from it is stunning.

If you’ve got the money, buy this ship. If you don’t, steal it. When someone points and laughs at you for flying something so ugly, you too will just smile back at them.

Shove a gaping maw on this behemoth of bulkheads, cargo space and utility hardpoints and you have a galactic sized star sucker to create your own eclipse. You’ll be like the fuel scoop God resting in heaven my friends. And what’s a more comfortable place to witness your own radiation reduction than from the bridge of this bovine monstrosity. Whether it’s rares that thumbs your joystick, or secret palladium routes. At just a milk run over the GDP of Diso it’s udder madness not to buy one!

The Lakon Type 6: the exciting trading ship you buy when you can’t afford anything better. The Jan Brady of traders, this jealous middle sister has only slightly more cargo space than a Cobra, with less fire power than a Sidewinder.

The ability to overheat on every single jump, and the failure to slow down from the overly fast boost, will have you clinging to the edge of your seat as you sling your wares across the galaxy, praying to Gods that you don’t slam your ship into the back of a station.

Which Episode is This? It’s Hard to Tell Them Apart
The three of us are going to hoon around in our spaceships like some sort of galactic version of “Last of the Summer Wine”. What can I say about the Fer-de-Lance? It has looks to snap knicker elastic at 50 light seconds. Just listen to the sound of that rocket motor it goes “cccchraaaaawwwwww!” that’s right. You’re watching a holo-telly show of an old man making funny noises (with his mouth).

The Fer-de-Lance is perfect, but I’m not going to recommend it because of… love or some other ethereal excuse.

Back on earth 20th Century Soldiers and Marines had the Huey to carry them into battle.
Todays asymmetric warfare needs flexibility and toughness, so when the Federal Navy asked companies to bid on its drop ship project, Core Dynamics came up with the goods.

Space marines want the flexibilty of dropping covertly into the LZ alongside the ability to suppress a contested landing zone with devastating firepower.

The Federal drop ships modular design meets all these requiments allowing itself to be configured for Stealth, area suppression, medevac as well as a host of other tasks the modern conflict zone requires