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1. The paralyzing fear of dealing with unpredictable weather.

Is it raining today? Windy? Are we somewhere where it could possibly be humid? All of these factors will determine the products we need to use, which will, in turn, lower the likelihood that our hair will remain presentable. If it’s windy I don’t even chance it and toss all of this hair up in a bun. Windblown elegance is not reality. Messy, fluffy, poodle-looking hair stuck in my sunglasses is.

2. The “less is really, truly more” washing routine.

If we wash our hair on a Monday and the curls are behaving they will not be washed again until Thursday…but probably Friday. Do not ask the science or reason behind it; dirty curls just look better. For me, personally, days three and four are usually the highpoint of the hair days. Plus there’s so much of it…

1. “Have you tried eating better?”

Have you tried thinking better?

2. “You just need to exercise more.”

And you just need a smaller mouth.

3. “You just need to get out more.”

Yes, let’s put an anxiety ridden, on-edge person out in public to parade around the well-adjusted masses. There’s nothing quite like feeling totally out of place and unconnected to really pick up your spirits.

4. “Stop being so hard on yourself.”

Because, you can totally just like…stop. Because brain chemistry is a willful process.

5. “You need to stop moping.”

Moping is what you do when you go to Chipotle and they’re out of guacamole. Don’t diminish the feelings of others with your insensitivity.

6. “Don’t whine so much.”

Oh, like you did about how the Fifty Shades of Grey movie is nothing like the book? Learn to watch better movies. I’m pretty sure…