The world as seen by a TV comedy writer

July 2006

July 22, 2006

This is another blog experiment. Let’s see if it works. July 31st is the trading deadline in Major League Baseball. Rumors are swirling. Many are unfounded. Some have emanated from the internet and blogs. So let me add one just for fun and see if it spreads.

Here’s the trade: From a very “reliable” source (me).

The Astros will trade Roger Clemens to the Red Sox for Manny Ramirez (wth Boston assuming most of Manny’s salary).

Pass it on. Copy and paste. Get ye to a chat room. My goal is to see this on ESPN by Wednesday night.

July 21, 2006

Had a question about Jay Thomas who played Eddie LeBec on CHEERS (okay, I’ve had it for awhile but am just now getting to it.) I first met Jay when he was a disc jockey on 99X in New York back in the 70’s. I occasionally would fly in and do fill-in shows. Even spent some time at his loft, which I remember being ridiculously expensive for what amounted to a walk-in closet with the world’s highest ceiling. No room and murder to heat. He eventually moved out to LA and was a very successful morning man on Power 106.

His first big acting break came on MORK & MINDY. He became a regular towards the end of that series’ run.

Quick aside: Years later Pam Dawber got her own sitcom, MY SISTER SAM and the joke was that CBS executives watched an episode of Robin Williams & Pam on MORK & MINDY and said, “Wow!! We gotta get the girl!”

David Isaacs and I wrote the two-parter on CHEERS that introduced the character of Eddie LeBec. Actually, it started as just a single episode but as the story expanded it became clear we needed more time to tell it.

We read a number of people for the role and I thought of Jay. Beyond that there was no favoritism. The other producers were mostly unfamiliar with his work. He came in and auditioned like everyone else and won the role.

He was terrific in the episodes, he and Rhea made a very cute couple and so he was brought back periodically as her boyfriend. It also gave us a story arc for Carla. Finally we decided to marry them.

A few episodes of recurring bliss and then one day on Jay’s radio show a caller asked him what it was like to be on CHEERS? He said something to the effect of “It’s brutal. I have to kiss Rhea Perlman.” Well, guess who happened to be listening.

Jay Thomas was never seen on CHEERS again. To explain his departure we decided to just kill him, which led to one of my favorite episodes that David and I wrote, “Death Takes a Holiday on Ice”. First off, we needed a funny demise. Eddie, by then, was working as a penguin in an ice show so we arrived at a Zamboni machine accident. (We were worried that we wouldn’t be able to use the name Zamboni but the company loved it.)

Then we needed (a) some comic spin for the story, and (b) something to discredit Eddie so the audience would ultimately be glad he was out of Carla’s life. The answer was at the funeral Carla learned that he was a polygamist, and had a second wife (who looked just like Carla). It was BIG LOVE going for big laughs. The episode earned us an Emmy nomination (and Emmy loss…I wonder if Jay Thomas was on the blue ribbon committee???)

One final note: We used an actor in one scene to bring in some news. He was on screen for maybe two minutes. As far as we know it was his first job. It was Thomas Hayden Church. Former CHEERS producers Casey, Lee, & Angell were impressed and cast him in the new series they were developing – WINGS. He since went on to snag an Oscar nomination for SIDEWAYS and is one of the villains in next year’s SPIDERMAN 3. I’m sure if he had won an Oscar, David and I would be the first two people he thanked. In fact, he should have run on stage and thanked us whether he won or not. Ingrate!!

Jay Thomas went on to star in LOVE AND WAR with the always hilarious Susan Dey and appeared in many TV episodes and movies. He’s now back on the radio, where hopefully he’s smart enough to not take anymore calls.

July 20, 2006

It’s travelogue time again. Here’s last week’s New York portion of my east coast summer:

Summer travel is now officially an ordeal. Security checks at major airports are not only nightmares but I feel even less safe. If only, instead of that jerk hiding a knife in his shoe in Paris it was a woman who concealed a knife in her bra. Then we men could keep our shoes on and all women would have to take off their bras.

I’m in Manhattan twelve hours a brownstone blows up fifteen blocks from me. A disgruntled husband, a doctor from Translyvania, who was so angry having to give up the building to his wife in a divorce settlement that he blew it up. Hours before he left his ex a message that read “You will go from gold digger to rubbish digger…I always told you: ‘I will leave the house if I’m dead.’” New York’s finest is still looking for other suspects.

Headline in the NY DAILY NEWS: DR. DOOM!!!

Next day’s headline in the NY POST: “HONEY, I BLEW UP THE HOME!”

*******

Snatches of cellphone conversations overheard while walking the streets on the Upper East Side:

MAN: “I dunno, then give him Novacaine.”

SOMEWHAT DISTRAUGHT 30 YEAR OLD WOMAN: He peed on me! (I hope that was her dog or baby)

LITTLE MIDDLE AGED LADY: “Well, it’s not my concrete.”

WOMAN: “You don’t fuck the landlord. EVERYONE knows that!”

******

If you run out of mayonnaise I found the place to go – Gentiles Fine Food on Madison at 79th.

The theatre scene includes SLEEPING BEAUTY, TARZAN, and LION KING. I’m holding out for THE MIGHTY DUCKS: THE MUSICAL.

Stopped in at the Museum of Modern Art. This was new behavior: people taking cellphone snapshots of the paintings…and then moving on to another gallery…without stopping to even LOOK at the paintings. I guess the way to really appreciate Monet’s mural length Water Lilies is on a four inch screen.

I couldn’t walk a block without encountering scaffolding. And yet I never saw a single worker.

On Wednesday the weather was hot, muggy, stifling, and stagnant. People were going down into the subway for relief.

Pedestrians do not have the right of way. If you’re in the crosswalk when the light turns green you are pavement pizza.

The new Apple store across from what-once-was the Plaza Hotel is a marvel to behold. From the street all you see is an enormous stunning glass cube encasing the white Apple logo. The actual store (open 24 hours because when you have a craving for a new ipod you have to have it right NOW) is below ground and has become quite the singles pick-up scene. You can meet somebody, excuse yourself for a second, and quickly check him out on MySpace.

Saw SPRING AWAKENING, a powerful, very erotic, and disturbing look at puberty and sexuality. It goes without saying it was a musical. It’s set in 1890 Germany so naturally everyone ends up either dead or miserable.

In utter contrast, the next day I saw HAIRSPRAY, which dealt with the issue of winning a TV dance contest. One of our stars from the 60’s PROJECT, Andrew Rannells, was one of the leads. He was neat-o keen-o as was pop icon, Darlene Love. They’ve now had so many cast changes that they’re one move away from Mike Ditka playing the Harvey Firestein role.

New Broadway policy: ticket holders stand in a long line while their purses and bags are checked. In the case of MAMA MIA they’re not worried terrorists will plant a bomb. Their concern is that discriminating theatre goers will.

At least that’s what it cost at Nellos on Madison Avenue. At that outrageous price they should throw in the hooker…and a ticket to HAIRSPRAY.

When you need a cab in Manhattan there are either a thousand of them available or none. Mostly none.

Best bargain and some of the best Italian food in NY: Ralph’s at 56th and 9th. As my friend Howard, who tipped me to it, said: “50’s atmosphere, 60’s portions, 70’s prices”. Molto bene and ring-a-ding-ding!

More NY POST: In a recent edition Christie Brinkley’s affair with a teenager was the top headline. The Israeli War got second billing.

Player endorsements is one thing, but during a recent Mets telecast on Channel 11, David Wright of the Amazins’, in uniform, was pitch man for a miracle worker revival show, the kind where people throw down their crutches and walk. If this guy is so good how come Pedro Martinez is still on the Disabled List?

I miss WCBS-FM. JERSEY BOYS wins the Tony for Best Musical yet not one New York radio station will play the Four Seasons.

On to the Goodspeed Theatre, hoping what they say isn’t true – that there’s a broken heart for every street lamp in Chester, Connecticut.

July 19, 2006

Among the other 27,000,000 blogs I have to compete with are a number of “Celebrity” blogs. Of those, very few are actually written by the celebrities themselves, updated more than twice since the Pleistocene Era, or feature anything other than PR pap. There are exceptions. Kevin Smith’s blog is the real deal, wonderfully candid and funny. And a few like Dave Barry’s are worth your attention.

But William Shatner’s blog? Here are a few of his entries:

July 06 -- I’m thrilled to pieces about being nominated for the third time. (referring to his Emmy nomination)

June 30 – My new Priceline commercial is appearing on line before it appears on TV.

January 20 – As some of you may have heard by now, Goldenpalace.com has bought a kidney stone of mine for $75,000.

*******

Melanie Griffiths’s website is just plain creepy. It chronicles her romance and rehab, accompanied by music that Norma Desmond would find too over-the-top. She also writes letters to her inner self. Many not delivered because no one’s home.

Latest entry in Gwen Stefani’s journal: “We're back. Sorry it has been so long. We'll start updating the site more often.” It’s dated May 2.

From Pamela Anderson comes this: “I don't know if you all have heard.....if you've been watching the news you probably have.....but I'm a big supporter of PETA.”

If you go to Barbra Streisand’s blog it tells you how to order her latest TV special. In fairness, Bab’s website also has statement essays that are pompous enough to suggest they’re really from her. The picture on her home page pre-dates the creation of the internet.

Asia Carrere used to be a hot porn star. Here’s a recent entry in her journal: “The day started out so crappy but ended up okay. I took Cathy swimming at the lake, where we met a nice mommy with a son the same age as Cathy.” (It gets boring after that but picks up later with) – “When I got home my next door neighbor offered to mow my lawn.” Excuse me, Asia, but I want to know your views on our nation’s morality and butt plugs!

Al Roker’s journal is mostly pictures of Al and celebrities he ambushed while they appeared on the TODAY SHOW.

Rosie O’Donnell’s offers her poetry. GAAAA!

*******

I love celebrity blogs. I find it hilarious that they could post such items and actually think people care. Maybe instead of writing a blog they should perhaps, even just once, READ a blog.

July 18, 2006

Hello from East Haddam, Connecticut, where it's lovely and charming and I think I saw Kenneth Lay coming out of the liquor store.

*******
It’s that time of year again – the Television Critics Association’s Press Tour. TV critics from all around the country converge at a swank hotel in Pasadena for close to a month to meet the producers and stars of all the new Fall shows and all the big executives of major and cable networks. And along the way, Hollywood courts their favor by staging lavish parties for them – the cost of the shrimp alone at any one of these affairs is more than the critics combined salary for five years. And watching these rumpled freeloaders loading up their plates on buffet lines, you think they’d died and gone to Sizzlers Salad Bar heaven.

In fairness, they have a grueling task. You know those scams where you’re given “free golf weekends” and all you have to do is attend one seminar pitching you time-share vacation condos? Imagine having to sit through 200 seminars, seven or eight a day for a month. There are not enough open bars, elaborate buffets, and promotional t-shirts in the world that would make that worth it. Hell, just having to sit through all the pilots is enough to qualify one for combat pay.

These critics are subjected to an endless stream of producers and “stars” hosting sessions, trying to convince these ink stained wretches why their God awful CSI rip-off (the twist is the forensic expert can hear voices coming from the evidence), dwarf bowling reality show, or new Paula Marshall sitcom is the next big thing.

And for the producers themselves, having been in that position several times, it’s a mind numbing experience. You sit on a stage looking out at all these world weary zombies who don’t have the slightest interest in you or what you have to say. In truth, they’ve heard it before, probably six times already that day. I always felt like I was playing tennis against a blanket.

The only lively session I ever had was for ALMOST PERFECT. A critic asked one of our stars, Kevin Kilner, what jobs he had before becoming an actor. Kevin mentioned he worked in a chicken slaughterhouse and told how they slaughtered chickens. Suddenly, all the critics perked up. So starved for ANYTHING to talk about besides “what gave you the inspiration for this series?” chicken slaughtering became the topic for the next twenty minutes. We had won them over!

To make their task somewhat easier, these critics seem to glom onto one issue that they make that year’s theme, one question they can beat to death. “Are sitcoms dead?” “Why are there not enough minorities in network casts?” “Is profanity necessary?” Usually these topics spring from a comment one of the network presidents say during their session. So as this year’s TCA free-food-fest begins be on the lookout for that hot button topic. Certainly a candidate would be Katie Couric.

If you ask me the whole thing is an exercise in futility and waste. No one wants to be there. No one benefits from it (except the critics getting lavishly fed and drunk). Shows don’t get good reviews as a result. Critics don’t get enough days off to see Disneyland. I think television would be much better served if the sponsoring networks discontinued the annual TCA convention and used that money to hire more and better writers to produce better television shows – shows that would be well received even if they didn’t come attached with cocktail parties and goody bags.

July 16, 2006

Since it’s setting boxoffice records, any review of PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MAN’S CHEST is utterly meaningless. I should write such a flawed Home Run. But since I paid actual money to see this swashnumbing affair I feel compelled to at least vent.

NO SPOILER ALERT – I saw the movie and still don’t know what was going on.

First off, the first PIRATES was leagues better (20,000 leagues better). Johnny Depp’s character was so fresh and fun. This time he was Greg Germann in raccoon eye make up.

For all the hair raising chase scenes and special effects I couldn’t be more bored. A half hour into the picture I was praying someone would flash a CAPITOL ONE card and all the pirates would go away.

Have they already exhausted their villains to the point where Jack Sparrow now has to battle the Swamp Thing?

In one sequence he’s chased by Zulu warriors. Excuse me but what Carribbean island is THAT supposed to be?

But my big problem was this – what the fuck was going on?? There’s this ship of slime pirates, and then a map, and a bad guy from the last movie gets hired on the ship, and Keira Knightley is stowing away on another ship, and then some Voodoo lady who’s been eating licorice offers cryptic advice, and there’s a dice game that makes no sense, and Keira’s dress is floating in the water and that is supposed to mean something, and Orlando Bloom’s clothes never get dirty, and they capture a little monkey for some reason, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon visits Jack one night, and Jonathon Pryce complains about wearing a wig, and it’s real important Jack keeps a jar of dirt, and there’s a three-way sword fight between Jack, Orlando Bloom and the bad guy from the last movie where they’re all accusing each other of things more confusing than any BIG SLEEP plot point, then they cut back to the George Washington looking guy who I hadn’t seen in a half an hour and completely forgot about and he’s …I dunno where, plotting something, I dunno what…and Jack’s palm gets black then it goes away then it comes back again, and he makes a deal with Octopus Beard Guy to do something in three days – I have no idea what -- or he has to give over 99 souls – not sure how one does that, and gorgeous Keira Knightley is forced to wear a pirate hat, and there’s a magic compass that always points to Disneyworld or something, and the Creature from the Black Lagoon turns out to be Orlando Bloom’s father and has a starfish attached to his face that he never thinks to remove, and cannon balls blast through Jack’s ship but it somehow never leaks, and many of our characters get caught in this giant runaway wooden wheel that looks like a prop from last year’s Reward Challenge on SURVIVOR, and there seems to be a rum shortage, and Jack does something good so Keira Knightley hand cuffs him, and Octopus Beard Guy can sometimes grow to the size of Catalina, and for all his slime no one on his ship slips while walking on the deck, and there are Red Coats for some reason, and letters of transit or a pardon in a leather case, and after all that NOTHING IS RESOLVED.

AAARRGGGHHH!!!

If only the movie was six minutes and the ride took two and a half hours.

July 15, 2006

Week one of rehearsal for the 60’s PROJECT is over. Here’s more info on the show from Playbill.com.

http://www.playbill.com/news/article/100830.html (Sorry I don't know how to hyperlink.)

This first week the principles learned their songs. It’s amazing. Most of these kids are Broadway veterans already and they can all sing, dance, read music, and I’m sure when we get up to Connecticut – drink and party.

Meanwhile, my co-writer, Ms. Brenner and I did one last polish of the script before the whole company converges on Monday. After all these months, I can’t wait to actually see and hear it on its feet. But I think the script is ready – and by that I mean “there’s nothing in there that we can’t fix.”

More than any project I’ve ever worked on, a musical is the ultimate collaborative effort. The music, choreography, script, direction, performances, design, visual effects, sound all has to come together. And more than that, the theater’s air conditioning needs to work. I’m sure the next three weeks of rehearsal will be hectic and hopefully not live up to the great Larry Gelbart line – “if Hitler’s still alive I hope he’s out of town with a musical.”

July 14, 2006

Have you been gripped with Emmy fever yet? Are you even aware that the nominations have been announced? I will be reviewing this year’s extravaganza on August 27th. For my weekend post, here is last year’s review:

Let me be the first to say it because I’m sure a lot of other people will think of it too. LOST WON.

Everybody wore magnolias so they could acknowledge Hurricane Katrina since the television community is deeply concerned. Well, it turned out not everybody wore the magnolias. Maybe half. There’s only so much sacrifice you can ask of Hollywood.

Host Ellen DeGeneres said we now need to laugh. Fine. Then be funny!

Who better to review the outstanding TV season than Black Eyed Peas? I loved the shots of utter bewilderment by the celebrities in the audience. And maybe fear? I couldn’t tell.

And of course Earth, Wind, and Fiber to quote Ellen DeGeneres’ opening joke.

I always wondered what the image of a “cake left out in the rain” would look like. Seems it’s Marcia Cross’ dress.

Felicity Huffman so outclasses those other DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE hens that she’s not in the same show.

The best acting Teri Hatcher has ever done was holding her smile when Felicity won. I bet Ms. H will be a real beaut on the set tomorrow. Picture James Cagney learning his mother died in the prison scene of WHITE HEAT. Then double it.

So much for DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES sweeping the awards. I’m thrilled that an actual comedy won for Best Comedy. RAYMOND was deserving.

I’m always glad when Brad Garrett wins. His speeches are the funniest of any winner on any awards show. And he thanks the writers. I love this man.

Mitch Hurwitz didn’t thank the other writers of ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT even though the script that won for best writing was actually written by the entire staff. Nice.

Originally, the Academy was going to have the writer’s acceptance speeches pre taped, that’s how little regard they had for them. More time for Ellen DeGeneres’ lame bathroom bit.

Sorry that Jeremy Piven lost. He certainly deserved it. I imagine the academy didn’t even want someone PLAYING agent/satan Ari Emmanual to be honored.

Did Eva Longoria steal her gown from the King Tut exhibit?

The hat trick for Alan Alda. This year he lost an Oscar, Tony, and now an Emmy. Maybe his new book can lose a Pulitzer.

William Shatner won an Emmy for playing himself.

“Emmy Idol”??? Was there a writers’ strike I didn’t know about? Because that’s the kind of hilarious idea that insurance actuaries come up with. It was embarrassing…even for the Emmys.

Donald Trump’s singing number was maybe the nadir of the 57 year history of the Emmy awards. And he won “Emmy Idol”. Again, thank you, Red States.

Hugh Jackman is what Craig Ferguson tries to be.

Excellence in television was put into perspective when a YES, DEAR promo appeared on the Awards show.

Wish the Blue Man Group would have sung “Green Acres”.

Glad THE AMAZING RACE won but is there a bigger stiff host than “Phil”? How unbelievably bad were the guys he beat out in auditions?

When Blythe Danner won for HUFF, 99% of America said “What’s HUFF?”

Blythe Danner was the first winner to acknowledge New Orleans. And even better, to protest the war. I officially take back all the things I said about her doing FOLLIES.

Blythe was nominated three times. I’m sorry she only won once. With more acceptance speeches she might have gotten around to how incompetent Bush is and how the public is being raped by the oil companies.

The next winner to acknowledge New Orleans was director Stephen Hopkins…an hour and a half later.

But some people wore magnolias. Well…a few. But they were big. You could really see ‘em.

Debra MESSsing’s hairstyle looked better on Bobby Rydell.

Wow, Paul Newman and I now have the same award.

Doesn’t Jane Alexander play a Roosevelt every year? Next year she’ll win for the Roosevelt Grier story.

Kristen Bell singing FAME made us forget Irene Cara.

I just love that someone named Bucky Gunts won.

I hope Doris Roberts bringing her grandchildren on stage doesn’t start a trend. Next year James Spader might bring up a hundred cats.

Interesting that David Letterman introduced the wonderful Johnny Carson tribute and not Jay Leno who is the host of the TONIGHT SHOW.

Best line of the night: Doris Roberts “I’ve been drunk since the wrap party”.

Next year can the FAMILY GUY host the show and be all the presenters?

Even the seat fillers were bored. Lots of empty seats and people are PAID to occupy them.

Instead of having a CSI actor mangle the theme for the JEFFERSONS, why not use the actual singer, who gets no recognition and can actually sing?

I’m especially thrilled that David Shore won for writing HOUSE since I was on the blue ribbon committee and that was my choice. The writing was as brilliant as any Tony award winning play.

If Halle Berry had worn that blue dress in CATWOMAN more than seven people might have gone to see it. They still would have hated it but at least they’d be in the theatre.

I hope Halle had a driver tonight. Losing and going to parties serving lots of alcohol? No pedestrian is safe.

All winners should lose their acceptance speeches down their jumpers like S. Epatha Merkerson. Finally some spontaneity and genuine emotion…and laughs.

Were the gowns just better this year or was it that they were worn by the casts of GREY’S ANATOMY and THE O.C.?

When you watch the “In Memoriam” feature don’t you always wonder who’s going to be last? Whose death was greater than the other deaths?

The tribute to the news anchors was elegant and very moving. But I’m surprised that since the telecast was on CBS that Julie Chen wasn’t included.

Offstage announcer: “In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, the Academy invites you to go to CBS.COM where you can see bios of all the new SURVIVOR contestants.”

Patricia Arquette looked like Burt Lahr, the cowardly lion in WIZARD OF OZ. What was with that hair? I did like her dress falling off though.

Nice of Channel 2 in LA to show her standing with her Emmy in a promo – before she actually won it on the show.

The shocker was Frances Conroy not winning for SIX FEET UNDER.

How did James Spader beat Hugh Laurie and Ian McShane? How could that happen?

James Spader is getting so large he’s becoming William Shatner.

And finally, what flower can we give everybody to remember the poor men and women on the DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES crew who will be destroyed and ravaged by Hurricane Teri?

July 13, 2006

First of all, thanks to all those of you who participated in the punch line exercise. Some great jokes pitched and also some jokes that fell into traps I’ll discuss.

A number of people commented on Julie W.’s, which were all fabulous. In case you missed them:

EARL: Raylene, it's good to see you, but if you didn't get your braces off yet, I gotta pass.

CURB: Hi. Charlie Sheen's place is actually two doors down. Both Mediterraneans, though. Understandable mistake - happens all the time. (as she starts to get up) You know what? Why don't you take the sheets with you? They're Italian. Very soft. (beat) And the pillowcases. (beat) And the pillows.

KING: Is my wife under the covers with you oh dear God please say yes.

FAMILY: This reminds me of the time Richard Gere paid me a thousand dollars to spend the weekend with him in a fancy hotel suite.
cut to:
Richard Gere and Peter (dressed as Julia Roberts in "Pretty Woman") in the lobby of the Regent Beverly Wilshire. Richard opens a jewelry box. Peter reaches in delicately to take the necklace. Richard snaps the box closed on his hand. But instead of laughing adorably like Julia did... PETER: "Ow! What the hell? You son of a bitch, that hurt!" RICHARD: "I'm sorry. I... I thought it would be cute. PETER: "Well, it was not, Richard. It was not."

There were other equally good lines contributed too. But all of Julie’s were fresh, funny, within the contexts of those shows, and generally had offbeat unexpected spins.

Here are a few of the traps. I point these out only to identify them so they can be avoided in the future, especially in specs.

I purposely used a hooker in the set up to establish a possible taste trap. With a sexual reference you need to deftly be funny without going over the line. Mentions of 69 and Chlamydia cross that line. If you think a reader might say “Yikes!” when he reads a joke, lose it. Same with the Jewish and ethnic jokes. There’s a fine line between outrageous and inappropriate, even for an out-there show like FAMILY GUY. One contributor pitched a Holocaust joke that NO show would EVER do. Come on. Use your better judgement.

Some people went for the obvious character traits. Earl and his list for example. If it’s the first thing you think of, stop, take a moment, and see if there is something fresher.

Some were too long. One contributor even acknowledged it. The shorter, the better.

Name mentions in general can be a trap. They date the show. That’s one of the problems with MURPHY BROWN in syndication. Willard Scott jokes and Dan Quayle jokes don’t hold up.

There were a number of jokes pitched that quite frankly I didn’t even get. Either they were convoluted or illogical or just weird. If you write a spec, have some friends read it before sending it out. If there are jokes they don’t understand don’t explain them to them. Replace them with clearer jokes.

Did you notice how much easier it was to come up with jokes for Earl and Larry rather than Doug? That’s because Earl and Larry and better defined comic characters, with very well conceived personas. Doug is sort of just, well…a guy. When creating your characters keep that in mind. Peter is easy to write for also because he’s a cartoon and not constrained by reality. But sometimes too much freedom can be worse than too little. There’s a danger of being too silly, too outrageous, too forced.

Again, thanks to all who participated. And you’re welcome to keep participating. And watch these four shows to see if they lift any of the lines pitched.

July 12, 2006

The NEW YORKER has a contest where readers are invited to submit captions to cartoons. I’ve entered this several times, have never been chosen as a finalist and usually think the captions they do select are as lame as Bazooka Bubblegum comics.

But it gave me an idea.

As a grand experiment, I thought today I would institute a comedy writers’ punch line contest. Except I have nothing to give away and therefore don’t want to pick a winner. But I will offer some feedback to the entries.

This could either be a lot of fun or a colossal bust. Submit your entries in the comments section.

And just to make it more interesting, I’ll give you essentially the same set up for four different style shows. It’s not just writing jokes, it’s about tailoring to the characters and style of the show. Do as many or few of the shows as you want.

Ken Levine is an Emmy winning writer/director/producer/major league baseball announcer. In a career that has spanned over 30 years Ken has worked on MASH, CHEERS, FRASIER, THE SIMPSONS, WINGS, EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, BECKER, DHARMA & GREG, and has co-created his own series including ALMOST PERFECT starring Nancy Travis. He and his partner wrote the feature VOLUNTEERS. Ken has also been the radio/TV play-by-play voice of the Baltimore Orioles, Seattle Mariners, San Diego Padres.