Woman Wants to Marry a Corporation

The U.S. Supreme Court decided in the widely condemned Citizens United case that corporations enjoy the legal status of people—so a Florida woman is seeking the hand of a corporation in legal marriage.

Citizens United specifically recognized corporate personhood when it comes to political donations, but a host of observers worry that corporate rights are going to continue to creep into realms previously reserved for humans.

Steiner tells the Broward-Palm Beach New Times, which savvily points out that “the effort is something of a political stunt,” that she wants to draw attention to the one-year anniversary of Citizens United. She is a Green Party member who’s active in party politics—and of course, she’s single.

“I haven’t found the right man,” she tells the New Times, “but there are plenty of corporations out there.”

Steiner is going to look far and wide for Mr. Perfect Incorporated, telling the New Times that she has already rejected a single-proprietor video company from Ithaca, New York, as too small for her needs. If she finds the right match, of course, she’d have to convince local officials to fork over a marriage certificate—and they already told the New Times they wouldn’t do it. Oh, well. Gays have dealt with this sort of discrimination for years, and corporate America will simply have to build a movement to overcome the prejudice and ignorance. I imagine it can afford some pretty high-powered lawyers.

Steiner isn’t the first to send up Citizens United with a mock campaign. A corporation, Murray Hill Incorporated, is attempting to run for Congress. See the video here:

I want to marry a nice rich Female Corporation! Been screwed by naughty corporations over the last thirty years- time to make them honest! Can't afford to marry a real woman- can't find a job,and what I do earn is taxed to support corporations who pay no taxes. Being a person is hard these days- cuts in pay, deletion of contract responsibility, union busting, no collective bargaining on the way, lack of regulation on corporations, increase in loss of human person freedom, outsourcing of jobs, vote disenfranchisement, no pensions or health care, contract breaking, union busting, no minimum wage, etc. Since corporations are persons that have more rights, influence, free speech, financial clout than us ordinary folks. It seems to be our only way out after 30 years of law manipulation. Everyone cast aside by the conservative system should change their religion- in my case christianity to the new corporatism. Any nice female corporations out there that want to marry?

George Daly

1/26/2011 9:54:37 AM

But wouldn't Sarah first have to determine the SEX of her corporate love object? And then, if she had fallen for a female corporation she would be forced to wed in a jurisdiction that recognizes SAME SEX marriage. And suppose her spouse is abusive. Would the entire board of directors have to be jailed for spousal abuse? Wow! Life used to be so simple. =))

George Daly

1/25/2011 10:23:19 AM

How novel! As long as we are splitting legal hairs, Sarah must first find a way to divorce the government. A corporation as an 'individual' is no less absurd than governments as husbands in which women are uniquely protected and supported by all levels of government. In that sense we can call it polygamy when Sarah marries the corporation of her dreams.

bondwooley

1/23/2011 12:59:41 PM

Sarah should consider joining this support group:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4GmxeWY06w

James Wilson

1/21/2011 7:44:37 PM

So that must mean the corporations can get married? Can Apple, say propose to, and marry Microsoft. Not a very good union I suppose, it would likely end in divorce. But if it succeeded, whose corporate headquarters would they choose to live in? I think Apple is the "feminine" in the couple, so I would want Apple to have custody of the kids just in case their is a divorce. She (I mean Apple), should also get the house. Microsoft has enough money already.

TheHiggs

1/20/2011 7:12:47 AM

Does that mean that a corporation can be arrested for rape? If so, then we may see some criminal complaints against corporations for just that!