Wednesday, July 09, 2014

One daughter has just left home for good, the other will soon be old enough to drive. My pseudo-identity as a stay-at-home dad, or primary care-giver (to use the technical term), is pretty much falling away, bar the shopping, the cooking and the laundry. It feels like the right time to sign off on this blog and direct you (yes, all three of you) towards a more subject-specific blog about my forthcoming book, 'Rock n Roll Soccer: The Short Life and Fast Times of the North American Soccer League'www.rocknrollsoccer.blogspot.co.uk, and its sister web site rocknrollsoccer.com.For those of you with absolutely no interest in this subject, thanks for reading my sporadic ramblings since 2003 - this blog will stay online until the Great Cyber-Collapse. To the rest of you - hope to spot you soon on the underground or in the airport lounge immersed in the very best of NASL literature.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

Around once a year I get caught up
in the rush hour. I think that the reason I’ve never had a ‘proper’ career is
that I still remember all the rush hours of my 20s, when I had the grave
misfortune of going to work every day. Specifically, I remember how rush hours took
at least two hours out of your day, every day, just so that you could get to and
from a job that you hated.

Yesterday I got caught in a traffic snarl
around Dupont Circle in DC and – should we atheists turn out to be wrong - enjoyed
a glimpse into the punishment I will likely undergo for eternity, having in the
course of my life indulged in various activities not permitted by the bible. I will
be in a line of traffic, and a long way up ahead I will see the light change
from red to green. I will get ready to advance, and the cars and buses and
trucks in front of me will rev a little, filling my nose and lungs with
unpleasant fumes. Then the light will change back to red, with nobody having
progressed a single inch.

This
will remain the same, for ever, and every time the light changes to green, I
will retain a stupid hope that the traffic is going to move. I will never be
able to see what is going onup there –
it could be road works, it could be an accident, it could just be the sheer
volume of bovine commuters sitting stoically in their cars waiting out their
lives, listening to the local traffic reports running through where all the
problems are and why, but never mentioning the unexplained delay at Hell’s
Dupont Circle.

When jammed in like this, do people ask
themselves, ‘What the fuck am I doing here?’ If they don’t, why not? How could
you sit in this kind of traffic twice every day and not doubt at all the point
and the worth of what you are doing? Why do I never see people abandoning their
cars and shouting, ‘Ah, fuck this, I’m off to live on an organic farm in
Montana.’ Then they run down the street waving their arms about and cackling at
their new-found liberty, while all the other drivers look on with envy.

I realise that people deal with
commuting in different ways. For some, it’s the only time they get to spend on
their own, away from family and work colleagues – as soon as the door is closed
they make duck noises, fart like sailors, and sing random snatches of songs from
the 1970s. Then once they’ve got all that out of their systems and settle down,
they learn languages, listen to audio books, or sit with microphones wrapped
around their heads talking earnestly, showing the other commuters that they are
so important that they’re already on a conference call at 7.30am, or still on
one at 7.30pm (“Need to talk to Tokyo”).

Maybe if you do this every day you develop the precious virtue that deserts me when I’m behind the wheel – patience.
Although, once the traffic loosens up a bit, you don’t see many drivers
exhibiting this quality as they make a rush for the space ahead.
Courtesy, caution and concessions are for fools naïve enough to think that there’s
any reward here for fair play, while others steal ahead and make it back to suburbia ten
seconds faster.

You finally arrive at your silent, same-old destination and wonder, “Why was I in
such a rush to get home?” Falling asleep to the imaginary preview in your head: Coming up in tomorrow’s episode – yet more of the same.

The Quiet Fan

Coming soon from the writer of Stay-At-Home Indie-Pop - a lively, funny, partly polemical fan's memoir asking (among many other things): who are "the fans" that the media and the football industry always pigeon-hole and exploit as though we are a single mass entity? Click image for more information and to pledge for a limited edition hardback copy.

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About Me

Author of 'For Whom The Ball Rolls', 'Rock n Roll Soccer: The Short Life and Fast Times of the North American Soccer League', and 'The Quiet Fan.' I coach, play, watch, referee and write about football, and sometimes have a proper life as well.