I am not content with the result. However, I am at peace with what it is.

This was my second attempt at the workout. I completed merely 154 reps on my first attempt.

My coach today described the workout as a mind grinder. She could not have been more accurate.

​I got no excuses.)

9 / 12 / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

STRETCH

We moved.

I like our new office.​​★

17 DAY 56

COME AWAY WITH ME

We skiied and snowboarded for a second consecutive day.

This also known as Active Recovery, Day 2.

Upon arrival to the ski resort, we were hit with the news that the power for the lifts was temporarily down.

In short, the power was back on in about a hour.

I skied significantly better today than yesterday. I even conquered a blue slope, a huge win for me. This was only third time skiing ever.

We left the ski resort at approximately 3:30.

We stopped by a Mexican restaurant, Santa Fe, in Woodstock, NY for lunch before coming home.​​★

17 DAY 54

IT COULD ONLY GET BETTER

We are moving! My company that is.

Work finished early on Thursday. One of the senior folk from upper management invited everyone to a happy hour at bar across the street. Tir Na Nog was the name of the bar. I thought it was open bar. It was not.

I had a Corona and bounced.

I was going to meet up with my friend for dinner. She did not want to eat. It was 5:00 at the time. She wanted to see the Second Avenue Subway Station. We took the Q train and checked out every station of the new Second Avenue Line. They all looked the same. I told her, they all looked the same.

Following a tour of the Second Avenue Subway Stations, we had dinner at the Beach Cafe, a restaurant just off of one of the Second Avenue Stations. The food was okay.

Then, she wanted dessert, and we walked to a desert place.

It was about 8:00 then. I checked to see what the open workout for 17.1 was. I then realized that I did not know where check.

Eventually on the train ride back, I came across the workout on Instagram.

Here are my initial thoughts:1) 50-pound dumbbell is heavy.2) There is no quick way for me to cycle the burpee box jump over.

I stopped by Planet Fitness to feel out what a 50-lb dumbbell feels like.

Then, I came home to pack for the ski trip. I also did some homework on cycling burpee box jump overs.

​★

17 DAY 53

SO, THIS IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE

Warm UpA collection of medicine ball warm up exercises.(Something happened tonight just before class that had never happened before. I did not know how to handle the situation. My mind ran wild. My fear ate me alive.)

The conversation died. The air turned frozen. My heart raced faster. My mind replayed what had just happened over and over again, in slow motion, analyzing the horrific moment frame by frame. I felt sick. I dragged on the small talk, attempting to hang on to my diminishing cool. The answers were now short. The excitement was lost. The damage was done. The judgement was made. I felt ashamed.

The previous time I completed this exercise, I completed 14 wall walks and 70 toes-to-bars.

My mind was not in the right place. Then, the band-aid began to come off. Wounds from previous night started to rip. I was afraid that I was going to bleed all over the gym for a second consecutive night.)

​★ / 9 / 12 / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

17 DAY 51

MAKE ME A BELIEVER

Warm Up / SkillKettlebell Snatch (with 16-kilogram kettlebell)(I am happy that we practiced kettlebell snatch as part of the warm up tonight.)

ConditioningTailpipe250-meter rowKettlebell Front Rack Hold (with 2 24-kilogram kettlebells)Complete 3 rounds for time.Partner one rows while partner two holds two kettlebells in the front rack position. Partner one may only row while partner two maintains the front rack position. At the completion of each 250-meter row, the partner on rower moves on to the kettlebells, and the partner that was racking the kettlebells moves on to the rower. Complete 3 rounds.(My partner and I completed the MetCon in 5:56. What? Needless to say, I was very content. Thinking back, I am now second guessing if we had used the correct weight kettlebells for the exercise.

The previous time that I completed Tailpipe, I used 2 16-kilogram kettlebells. Back then, I could not even clean 2 24-kilogram kettlebells.

I saw "1:30" on my rower's screen tonight. That was exciting.)

Bonus / StrengthEMOM (10:00)One Arm Dumbbell Muscle Snatch​5/arm x 40

​★ / 9 / 12 / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

Warm Up / SkillKettlebell Snatch (with 16-kilogram kettlebell)(I am happy that we practiced kettlebell snatch as part of the warm up tonight.)

ConditioningTailpipe250-meter rowKettlebell Front Rack Hold (with 2 24-kilogram kettlebells)Complete 3 rounds for time.Partner one rows while partner two holds two kettlebells in the front rack position. Partner one may only row while partner two maintains the front rack position. At the completion of each 250-meter row, the partner on rower moves on to the kettlebells, and the partner that was racking the kettlebells moves on to the rower. Complete 3 rounds.(My partner and I completed the MetCon in 5:56. What? Needless to say, I was very content. Thinking back, I am now second guessing if we had used the correct weight kettlebells for the exercise.

The previous time that I completed Tailpipe, I used 2 16-kilogram kettlebells. Back then, I could not even clean 2 24-kilogram kettlebells.

I saw "1:30" on my rower's screen tonight. That was exciting.)

Bonus / StrengthEMOM (10:00)One Arm Dumbbell Muscle Snatch​5/arm x 40

​★ / 9 / 12 / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

17 DAY 50

DO MORE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

I made a Turbo Tax account tonight. My Dad reminds me everyday that it is tax season. ​​★

17 DAY 49

THIS TOO SHALL PASS

Today was very stressful. My roommate called this morning to discuss setting up internet service for our new home. In the middle of the conversation and maybe I was just overly sensitive, I got the impression that he wished that I could help out more with the apartment, such as setting up the electric and the gas services. So this afternoon, I offered to take care of the set up for the electric and the gas services. I was unreasonably overwhelmed.

I bought my lift ticket for next weekend's ski trip. I also signed up for the upcoming CrossFit Open.

I was talking to my parents about all the crap that was stressing me out. They were no help. They did what they do the best, making me feel worse about all the crap that was stressing me out.​​★

17 DAY 48

YOUNG LOVE

Warm UpA bunch of crap that my CrossFit gym does not normally do.

And that is what I like the most about dropping in at other CrossFit gyms.(I dropped in at CrossFit Woburn (CFW) of Woburn, Massachusetts today. I liked their gym. I checked out Mountain Strength CrossFit (MSCF) of Winchester, Massachusetts' schedule first. It turned out that MSCF does not host any class in the afternoon on Fridays. MSCF's WOD included sumo deadlift, high box jump and a MetCon involving power clean, front squat and bar-facing burpee. CFW's WOD was a 30-minute MetCon made up of deadlift, shuttle sprint and burpee.)

In 1:00, complete3 x deadlift (315, 100%) [scaled: 3 x deadlift (255)]60-feet shuttle sprintmax effort x burpee {10 / 10 / 8 / 7 / 7 / 7 / 7 / 6 / 6 / 7}Rest 2:00.Complete 10 rounds.(If you know my history with deadlift, you would know that using 255-pound weight in a MetCon is a huge win for me. I remember having a tough time with the 145-pound weight during a MetCon. This was when I first started Crossfit, about a year ago. I remember rounding my back deadlifting the 245-pound weight during an open gym session. A coach walked by and called me out on my poor form. And last but not least, I remember hurting my back deadlifting the 185-pound weight during another MetCon.

The weight felt noticeably heavier toward the later rounds. I managed without compensating my form. I was happy about that.

I was not happy about the burpees. Many of my classmates completed 100-plus burpees. I completed merely 75 burpees.

"Do you go to this gym?"

"No. I am a drop in. I am home for President's Day weekend. I do CrossFit at CrossFit NYC in New York City. How long have you been doing CrossFit?"

17 DAY 46

VIRGINIA IS FOR LOVERS

One of my co-workers organized a dinner in Chinatown tonight, a dim sum dinner at the one and only Golden Unicorn. The food was okay. I found one of my co-workers really funny. All in all, it was a relaxing time.

17 DAY 45

"BUT BABY, I JUST NEED ONE GOOD ONE TO STAY"

Warm Up / Conditioning II50-30-10 x calorie run (on treadmill, at 5:52/mile pace)50-30-10 x air squat(I did not time the mini-MetCon. It did not feel as shitty as last time.)

Warm Up / SkillAMRAP (5:00)1 x Pistol Squat (in tempo; 4-count descent, 4-count hold at the bottom, and 4-count ascent)(It had been a long time since I pistol-squatted. I did not count the reps. And the tempo thing did not quite happen.)

Strength IDumbbell Bench Press​3 x 10 x 50/armComplete each set in 3:00.(While manageable, the pressing movement did not feel good.)

Strength IIOne Arm Dumbbell Muscle SnatchEMOM (10:00)5/arm x 35(This was easy. I was surprised at how easy this was. I was not sure how my left shoulder was going to hold up. I did not feel any discomfort throughout the EMOM. All in all, I was very content.)

Conditioning IIIEMOM (4:00)17 x Decline Sit-upAt the end of the 4th minute,AMRAP (1:00)1 x Decline Sit-up(I completed 18 decline sit-ups in the last minute. I completed a total of 86 decline sit-ups in 5 minutes.)

★ / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

17 DAY 44

THIS ONE (CRYING LIKE A CHILD)

Warm UpA bunch of crap.(There were 4 rounds of the warm-up. I completed less than 3 rounds. I had a tough time with the wallballs. The 25-pound medicine ball felt very heavy today.)

CALM MIND

My current landlord is giving me a hard time about moving out. It is mostly the landlord's wife. That fucking bitch. She is a despicable woman, whose favorite pastimes are bad-mouthing her niece and picking fights with her husband.

I am under a lot of stress.​★

17 DAY 42

UNCHAIN FROM THE RHYTHM

My roommate and I signed our lease today. Then later tonight, I told my current landlord that I will be moving out in a month.​★

Snatch (80-90+%)EMOM (8:00)95 / 100 (80%) / 100 / 100 / 100 / 100 (F) / 100 / 100 (Po.)(I missed a handful of the reps. I caught another handful of the reps in the power position. I made up every failed rep and reps that were caught in the power position within the same minute except the third to last rep and the very last rep. I missed two attempts at the 100-pound weight in the 30th round. I caught the very last rep in the power position. I made a second attempt at the weight and missed.

I missed my very first lift with the 65-pound weight.

My right hand still hurts a little. And I was still scared of the loaded bar.

For the snatches from the hip, I did not initiate the pull with a dip. I jumped, I pulled and I got under the bar. My coach explained that a snatch from the hip without a dip is known as a tall snatch.)

Bonus / ConditioningRun on the treadmill for 5:00 at 6:58/mile pace.

AMRAP (5:00)1 x Decline Sit-up

Run on the treadmill for 5:00 at 6:58/mile pace.

AMRAP (5:00)1 x Decline Sit-up(I respectively completed 84 and 83 decline sit ups for the two AMRAPs. I was very content with the consistency.

DAD

One of my classmates texted again tonight to hang out. There were three of us. We grabbed dinner at Saigon Market, a Vietnamese restaurant by Union Square, Manhattan. The food was good. The conversation was good. All in all, I had a relaxing night.​9 / 12

17 DAY 40

GRANDMA

I feel uneasy. My roommate and I are signing the lease tomorrow morning for our apartment. It is a 2-year lease. I will be 28 by the time the lease expires.

I skipped class tonight. I was not feeling Filthy Fifty, a CrossFit classic. I looked over the collection of exercises over and over again. There was a lot more pushing than pulling. I could not figure out the logic behind the programming.

One Arm Dumbbell Bent Over Row5 x 10/arm x 60Alternate a set of bench press with a set of one arm dumbbell bent over row. Complete each set in 4 minutes.(I had a hard time with the bent over rows tonight.)

Two eight-five and 295 came across my mind. However, I have been a little traumatized since my last squat miss. I am easily traumatized. Thus, I decided to stay light. To make the light weights more challenging, I minimized pause between each rep and focused on speed standing up from the bottom.)

Strength IIOverhead Squat3 x 5(I spent the time working on technique. I did not load any weight on the bar.)

The most wallballs I had completed with a 20-pound medicine ball prior to tonight was 33 reps. The medicine ball did not hit the designated 10-feet target on every rep. The most wallballs I had completed with a 25-pound medicine ball prior to tonight was 30 reps. Same, the medicine ball did not hit the designated 10-feet target on every rep. The medicine ball hit the designated 10-feet target on every rep tonight.)

Conditioning II500-meter row(I completed the 500-meter row in 1:46. I was content.

Tonight, for the first time ever, a speed under 1:40 per 500 meters appeared on my rower's screen. I could not maintain the pace. Nevertheless, it was a win for me.)

​Complete each set in 3 minutes.(These were light. I completed 15 reps in the third round and called it a day.)

★ / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

17 DAY 35

WILD TO WILD

I was texting a classmate from CrossFit. He wanted to hang out. I did not want to leave the house. I worked all day. I am mentally and physically exhausted, and I have to go back to work tomorrow.​9 / 12

TAKE ME TO THE RIVER

Finding Dory is on Netflix! I watched Finding Dory last night. I thought the movie was okay. It did lighten up my mood though.​★

Two Wednesday ago, I hurt my hand during an Olympic lifting class. I took the following day off to rest. I was back at the gym by Friday. Subsequently, I completed an entire week of class. My hand managed just fine. My hand only hurts with select movements. In other words, the pain was not always there to remind me that I was injured.

I was traumatized by the class from two Wednesdays ago. I did not realized how much the class affected me until Friday, when I stood in front of a loaded bar. I was afraid to pick up the bar. I was afraid to get under the bar. I was the most afraid to rack the bar. That was when it hurt the most. I prayed and hoped with each pull that the bar would miraculously land on my shoulder and stay there. That had not been the case. Again and again, I reflexively pulled my hand from under the bar, absolutely terrified that the bar was going to smash my hand. And again and again, the bar rolled off of my shoulder. The entire MetCon was an utter, embarrassing mess.

I am fully capable of cleaning the 175-pound weight, at least 3 times.

I respectively completed 1+13, 1+5, 0+15, 0+15, and 0+13 rounds. I wasted a lot of time on the cleans.

I tried to make small talk with one of my coaches before class.

I have been feeling very depressed since my 26th birthday.

9 / 12 / 18 / 46 / 99 / 100 / 101 / 102 / 103 / 104 / 105 / 106

XAXE-XHXNX

It was like pouring salt on a wound. I was very depressed after class. And the reason I felt the way I felt was manyfold. I texted a friend. I needed company. My friend came in to the City from Jersey to hang out. We grabbed dinner at this nice-ish restaurant in Koreatown, Manhattan. Subsequently, we went to see a movie in Times Square. We saw Manchester by the Sea. We had the entire theater to ourself. It was a cool experience.