Saturday, November 5, 2011

Just A Slight Breakdown

We've had a crap week. Now there really is no sugar coating that would make it seem like this is the way that life is suppose to be, or make us think "oh Thank God" for this or that. This week sucked. It sucked so horribly that I tried to pretend it didn't. I pretended by Thanking God for the good that is here and trying like heck to focus on that . When, in fact if I had just faced the fact that sometimes bad crappy things happen perhaps my public breakdown wouldn't have been such a surprise.

In just seven days there have been surgeries, boo-boos of epic proportions, multiple snobby snubs, plenty of salt poured on open wounds, and other disastrous happenings. At one point I even "aired my dirty laundry" of facebook. Oh yes me, I typed it alright, claiming that I wish I drank! The weight of the world was to much to bear as I took our son to the dentist to have a filling replaced - a filling that I accidentally took out while flossing his teeth, only to find out that filling could easily be done but that he also had a abscess and needed another tooth pulled! Tooth Extraction = surgery #1.

But the heck that is our week started even before this when I came down with a fever Sunday night. The fever was so bad that I could not function. By Monday I was worse, I topped off at a steamy 105.4 But I still had to take C to school that morning. Normally I walk down to the bus stop and wait with all the kids in the neighborhood until the bus comes. But I was seriously on deaths door, so I drove down and sat in the car. C was the first one there and then two others showed up. Their mom always walks them down their street and watched them cross over the busier street to the bus stop where we are. I always wave. Well today she let her kids cross but then didn't go back towards her house. I watched her for a minute and then saw her catch up to the kids and walk down to the stop. Then I heard the kids say "Oh she's in her car" and the mom turned around and left. Wait - what? That is when I realized that this mother - who isn't particularly friendly to me - who doesn't even know my name is counting on me to watch her kids at the bus stop. I felt a little put off. She's never said anything to me other than a quick hello if we see each other somewhere. So I tried to just tell myself she was making sure that at least someone was there for my child. Maybe she was wondering if C needed someone there. I was too sick to really care, or so I thought - I had no idea I was just putting it into the pity bank for later use.

Eventually I had to take an ice cold bath just so that my eyeballs would stop sweating. Wait Monday, wasn't that Halloween you ask? Why yes it was. I had to cancel my volunteer commitment with C's school, skip pumpkin carving, and starve while there was chocolate everywhere. I couldn't keep a thing down on account of the inferno burning under my skin. That is until about 5:30. All of the sudden my hair stopped matting to my head. My head felt like my head and not some basketball backboard in the middle of a game. And although I was exhausted I did perk up. So I volunteered to go trick-or-treating. After ll I was still running a little warm and the cool air sure would fell nice. S said he'd go, but the man was still hobbling around on a cane at this point. Now this story is getting super long so I'll cut to the Halloween part chase:

I take C door-to-door, I fall and skin my knee, rip my favorite jeans, and sprain my ankle. We keep going. ( it is still hurting, especially the knee)

We meet up with neighbors and the kids go together

I am introduced to our neighbors boy friend

Next thing I know the neighbor and her boyfriend are in their car and I am walking alone with the kids.

I was completely snubbed. Why wouldn't all the grown ups walk together? Do I smell? Suffer from halitosis?

And the week goes on just like this: being snubbed, emergency dental work, getting my PT canceled because Tircare really does suck sometimes, a sale falls through with some furniture I sold and I did a lot of work for it, we spent a ton in gas going back and forth to Ft Belvoir for S, and I was pretty sure I was PMSing. More so S has spent the better parts of three weeks dieting for his bi-annual Physical Fitness test and he is getting really paranoid. He weighs less than he has in years but has put on a few extra inches in his waist due to inactivity (because of the surgery in July that he still isn't healed from) and his paranoia is getting harder and harder to calm. But wait - it gets even more annoying.

Thursday night I realized that I needed to be at the ER due to an infection. Listen to this stupid turn of events!!!! Last weekend I was doing some laundry and put C's clothes in his dresser for him. When I was reaching into one of the drawers I got a huge piece of wood stuck into my thumb. Lots of little splinters into my skin and under my nail. After cussing out the inanimate object I took out the splinters and went back to the joy of folding other peoples underwear. But the thumb didn't heal. It actually got bigger and then my skin started to split and get all zombie looking. Thursday night I was in agony. Off I went to the ER by myself.

The ER was a slow and painful process. The waiting room was certainly the worst part. Me and another lady had to ask the attendant to turn the TV channel twice! They were playing the most inappropriate material. In fact I have and three nightmares about a child abuse case that was featured on a news show they played since then. Why would they put that on? But I digress - Once I was actaully seen I was surprised to find out that apparently to remove old splinters you get injected with tons and tons of nerve stunting juice and the doc just cuts right in and stitches you up later. The diagnosis was actaully quite bad and the doc was surprised I didn't come in earlier. I'll have antibiotics for a spell and have to go back to have the stitches removed. Technically a rogue splinter removal =Surgery #2.

Friday my husband had is deformed foot re-operated on to remove screws that the doc put in originally. Surgery #3. The screws were loose. [ insert over used jokes here] The surgery actaully went smoothly and Ft Belvoir has the most beautiful new hospital I have even seen. The only downer is that it is just a little over an hour away and S had to be there at 6:00am. So off we went just before five to get him there. I dropped him off then we had to come all the way back to bring C to school. Once I got C to school I drove all the way back to be with S. I spent over 5 hours in the car all before noon. Anyway - when it was time for S to be discharged a nurse told me to get my car and wait at the front doors for him, an escort would take him down. So I got the car and waited only to be approached my a guard...

This is where the breakdown happens. Suddenly I realize that I have been running on empty all week. I wonder why my neighbor let me trick-or-treat with her kids (who I am very fond of actaully) and stayed in her car with her boyfriend, I wonder why another parent is using me to watch her kids, I wonder how on earth I am going to heal from my broken bones if physical therapy is canceled, I wonder how on earth we are going to pay for C's tooth extraction, I wonder if S will really heal from surgery this time, I wonder how on earth I am going to cope with the in-laws here next week, I wonder why my back still hurts - maybe it is not PMS?Then there is the whole S / fitness deal - will he get a waiver? Can he loose two more inches? Will we ever have pizza again? Am I going to have bad dreams about child abusers all week? I am so deep in thought that when the guard says "how long are you planning to stay here? I could give you a ticket, it is a no parking zone." That I start to heave and the hugest tears start to fall and I just loose it.

The tears are falling fast and I don't even know what I tried to say but the guard felt so bad that he didn't give me a ticket and told me everything was going to be alright I just needed to move my car. He even started asking if S would be alright and if the injury was really bad. Huh? I thought - but then I couldn't really correct him either, I was ugly crying and could barely see to drive. I parked in a near by lot and just kept crying. Some one knocked on my window to see if I needed help. Some kid walking past with his mother said "mom there is a big lady in there crying." Great - now I am big fatty bawling my eyes out I thought. I couldn't stop. Eventually the phone rang and I went to get S at the door, but I was still crying and my face was bright red. We went home and even though he was the one who had surgery I am the one who need recovering.

Today is a new day. C had CCD this morning and then we volunteered with the Scouts. We delivered empty grocery bags to our neighbors for them to fill up next weekend with donated food to a local food bank. Next week we'll go around and pick up any donations. But for today we just walked, sipped on hot coco, and picked up peoples newspapers for them while we stuck bags under their doormats. It was a nice morning.

This afternoon I am heading out to do a little shopping and pick up some movies for a family night. We aren't going anywhere important and we don't have any plans other than church tomorrow. The in-laws won't be here until Monday night and I've got plenty of ideas to keep them happy. Obviously that is a joke - but I can dream.

Hug!!!!! I feel for you and I am right here. I too have had break downs this week, and i have quit teaching ccd, quit cub scouts, I am in the verge of quitting my job and leaving my husband. But I worry about you. I so need to call you. I really wish I could jump in the car and drive all night to see you!!! We need to cry together and drink a case of diet coke, maybe with a Five Guys Burger!!!! Please take care and know I love you!!!