NARCISSISTS PROTEST, WANT SAME-PERSON MARRIAGE LEGALIZED

Thousands of narcissists took to the streets of San Francisco yesterday to protest for same-person marriages. Rally organizer Jingo Bang whipped the crowd into a frenzy: "Why am I forced to sit in the back of the bus merely because my 'significant other' happens to be . . . me?" The rally was held in the city's Sunset District, the scene of innumerable gay rights rallies where the participants traditionally join hands with their partners and sing songs of liberation. Yesterday, each protester clasped his own hands and sang a song of his own choosing, creating a disturbing cacophony that drew complaints as far away as Fisherman's Wharf.