Brian Powchak's first stint as a stay-at-home dad started after daughter Ava spent her first year at home with his wife, Amy. He then stayed home another year with son Luke. / Special to WNC Parent

Written by

Betty Lynne Leary, WNC Parent contributor

Brian Perry relishes the time he hasn't missed with daughter Reilly. / Special to WNC Parent

Dan Ford stays home with his three sons, from left, Bennett, Anderson and Charlie. / Special to WNC Parent

More

ADVERTISEMENT

Brian Powchak vividly remembers his first days as a full-time, stay-at-home dad.

His wife was out of bed before 6 a.m. to get ready for work while Powchak caught a few extra winks until their 1-year-old daughter Ava woke up.

“I made some coffee while Ava ate cereal and gabbed,” he recalls. “We read the news and listened to music. Some days we’d go outside and there was always grocery shopping to be done.”

Powchak, of West Asheville, is one of many dads in WNC who has traded an income for time at home to raise children. Here, we’ll profile a few of them.

The Powchaks

Powchak fell easily into his new role as primary caregiver for Ava, who had been under Mom’s care for the first year of her life when nursing and nurturing were constants. The couple reversed roles in an effort to keep Ava at home under parental care, not day care.

“It was a glorious time of watching Ava learn by leaps and bounds, getting some ‘me’ time, and really feeling, maybe even synching, with the pulse of our family life,” Powchak says.

Wife Amy is a special education teacher and Powchak holds a master’s degree in education. When Ava was born, the couple took a hard look at their financial situation and worked the numbers so Amy could stay home for a year. At the end of the first year, with surplus funds in the bank supplemented by a work bonus and tax return money, the couple realized they could live on one salary for another year. At the time, Powchak was working in a very challenging class for students with emotional and behavioral disabilities.

“I was ecstatic for the chance to stay home and really bond with Ava,” Powchak says. “A year of diapers and naps, toys and dishes seemed like a dream come true. I had always wanted a family, and now that I had one, this seemed the best way to forge a bond with my daughter that would last a lifetime.”

The arrangement worked so well that when son Luke was born, they repeated the cycle with Mom staying home the first year and Dad staying home the second, and this time, the third year. “We had living frugally down to a science by that point,” Powchak says. “Having one spouse home meant dinners were made and laundry was done, which lightened the load on the working spouse. It made sense for our family and made a huge impact on our happiness.”

(Page 2 of 3)

The hardest thing for Powchak was taking that financial leap of faith. The family made sacrifices and lived within a strict budget but the benefits far outweighed the sacrifice in his eyes.

“Staying at home is the absolute best decision, next to marrying my wife, I ever made!” he says.

Dan Ford, of Bent Creek, has shared in those awkward moments in social situations when the inevitable “so, what do you do?” question comes up in conversation.

“I have less issue with saying ‘I stay home with my kids’ than I do watching people respond to it,” Ford explains. “Some respond with jokes, some with unease and some clearly have nothing left to say in the conversation. It’s rare that I meet another dad who can really respond with an appreciation for what this role requires.”

Ford has three boys, ranging in age from 6 months to 7 years, and began his role as the primary caregiver when the company he worked for disbanded and his position was eliminated. While he and wife, Elizabeth, a product development manager for Biltmore Inspirations, first talked of where they would have to move for his next job, the discussion soon changed to Ford supporting his wife’s full-time work.

“It really stemmed around simplifying our world and establishing a slower pace in our home rather than continuing at the pace we initially established and thought necessary,” Ford explains. “I looked forward to being a stay-at-home dad with three boys in Western North Carolina — what could be better?”

Ford has balanced his time by serving as a part-time, visiting assistant professor at Clemson University, where he teaches lecture and studio design courses for graduate level students in the School of Planning, Development, Preservation and Landscape Architecture. The arrangement allows for some adult conversation and a contribution to the family income, yet Ford notes that, “Our marriage is now, more than ever, a partnership and a new definition of what providing can and should mean.”

Ford is willing to continue his role as primary caregiver as long as it works for the family even on those rough days when his infant, toddler and school-age boys all have different needs often at the same time.

(Page 3 of 3)

“I must remind myself that this truly is a gift of time, and time is almost a lost commodity in many of today’s families,” Ford says. “My boys will never be little boys again, and the time I spend with them now, I’m trusting, will remain with them in a meaningful way well beyond my years.”

The Perrys

For Brian Perry, of Reynolds, staying home with daughter Reilly, now 8, was a chance he wasn’t going to miss. Perry was working full time when he and wife Betty, a rehabilitation service director and speech language pathologist for Mountain Ridge Wellness Center in Black Mountain, celebrated the birth of their only child. Perry had been in the Navy when his first daughter from a previous marriage had been small, and he missed out on much of her young life.

“I have not missed any of the same time with Reilly, and that has been the best part of this decision,” he says. “I love being home with her and it really has made an impact on the kind of kid Reilly has become.”

Reilly and her dad, a self-described sports enthusiast, spend hours together on many different fields of play. Reilly wields a swift softball bat and has a fluid stroke with her golf clubs. Mom gets in on the action, too, and both parents helped coach Reilly’s softball team. The hardest part of being a stay-at-home dad for Perry came when Reilly was younger as it was hard to find other dads for a play date.

“The parks were full of stay-at-home moms, not dads, which was a bit awkward,” Perry explains. “The role reversal was very difficult initially, but as I adjusted, it’s been great.”