My mother has gone crazy lately, saying that I have absolutely got to get hair removal, be it wax-stripping or hair removal cream. I am incredibly uncomfortable with this idea, as I'm only 14 and not ready to do such a thing, and also that I've read about the potential dangers of hair removal in your nether regions.

This is a religious thing, and so i will not be able to have my mother change her mind, absolutely not. there' no discussion allowed when it comes to these things.

It's just.. so awkward. i don't want to do this, i really, honestly with all my heart din't want to do this. arms and legs maybe, but not there!. I've cried about this and all that, but.. yeah. No dice. She's sticking to her guns. ugh.. i'm so uncomfortable and confused.

I am so sorry. I am from Balkans and I know how it is for Arab girls, Muslim girls and I know you can't do anything family is everything for you guys. I think the safest thing you can do is cry and beg your mom not to make you do it and to lie to other people you did it. Or ask her that you do it little by little so you can get comfortable. I know people here won't understand... Your culture is so different then most of people here. So is mine and I am not even Arab but we have family friends that are and I grew up with knowing lots of cultures. Feel free to pm me whenever you need to.

I think that's the reason that a (well-meaning) commentor is telling me to just not let her do it as though that's even possible.. of course she can't drag me there, but she has a thousand ways of making me walk right into that saloon, mouth shut.

I'm sorry if you do have to go through this, but this is all great advice. I just have a little to add that hopefully might help you.

First and foremost, don't do the lotions, I've gotten chemical burns from them and it is pretty awful.

There is an other option besides waxing that is a lot like waxing. It is called sugaring. Instead of wax they use a sugary sticky substance. Sugaring is normally kinder to your skin. They will both hurt, but sugaring tends to be a little less painful than waxing for many.

Also, I know the situation is and will be super uncomfortable to you, but keep reminding yourself that the professional doing this for you does it every day, so for them it is just another day. They aren't judging you etc.

Her advice is good, no matter from which culture or country you are. Do not blame this situation on your heritage, if your parents force you to do things you dont want to you (things that could even damage you, like the creams) they are shitty parents. There is always a choice and if your parents go through with that ,thier choice went against you.

Obviously. She probably has to do it anyways besides all these comments and tipps here. She just should'nt excuse her parents behavior with "its our culture though", like most people would do. Its shitty parenting and trustbreaking.

I agree. My parents and family and culture tried to force their views on me. Can't explain why I resisted so bad. But at 18 I got out and chose my own path.

Its very tough to read this thread and countless others. "I'm Christian. I'm Mormon. I'm Muslim" my parents are forcing X on me...

I was supposed to be "Christian." Didn't want to.

OP if you ever read this, do not let your culture, parents, religion, or anyone hold you back or force their views on you forever. You may have to tolerate it until youre old enough to work and get away. Youll have to learn fast and grow up fast. But there are many groups, people, countries that are more accepting and free. Find what works for you. Resist.

I know it's like how am I not supposed to listen to my parents? I am so lucky to live this life I can and have parents like this even though they are far from perfect. I had friends in college that were Afrikan Muslims and they were so confused when they saw the way girls live here how free we are. And also men and boys from UAE, Turkey and middle East generally come to my country on weekends and just meet people and try to hook up with girls so I heard a lot about the way girls are treated in your part of the world. Also what people here probably don't realise is that boys are circumcised without their free will their parents think that's healthier and cleaner and moms are obligated to make their daughters "prettier and cleaner down there same as boys" but in lots of countries circumcision is not normal and shaving is not normal. I am so sorry if my message is losing context, English is not my native language and I am typing from my phone.

At the end of the day everyone has their choices to make. It's nothing but cruel that you're forced into a situation like this at fourteen, but you have to look out for your own physical and mental wellbeing if those tasked with guarding you won't.

What you describe sounds like child abuse, plain and simple. Child abuse in the name of family, sanctity, honour, or any other lofty ideal is still child abuse. Depending on where you're based, law enforcement might take these things seriously too.

Your own safety comes first, no matter what you do, please follow that priority.

At the age of 14, ruled by her parents and living under their roof and expected to follow their rules or deal with serious consequences, with no money of her own and other family and friends probably share the same mentality (they tend to be community based), how do you expect this poor girl to “put herself first?” I understand your intentions were of good nature but telling someone to do something like that, in OP’s situation is... ignorant. I can’t think of another word. It’s never that simple in these situations. She’s obviously aware that her needs and desires in situations like this come first. Or she wouldn’t be posting.

Indeed, people don't understand that you can't just refuse in your situation. I am so sorry to hear that. Forgive me if this is an ignorant question as well, but generally strict religions such as this also prevent you from having sex or showing your body, until marriage, am I wrong? Why, then, would a person bother with waxing "down there?" Again, forgive me if this is not accurate, or too personal a question, I just want to better understand. I wish you the very best.

Islam considers body hair to be unclean, it’s not necessarily a sexual thing (though it obviously can be.) A lot of conservative Islamic countries expect or even push for teenage brides so its not out of the realm of possibility that op is being groomed (literally) for that.

". I think the safest thing you can do is cry and beg your mom not to make you do it and to lie to other people you did it."

This is not how you reason with delusional religious fundamentalist nut jobs. Also, the bad part is you cant even appeal to logic and reason, because they are not coming from a place of logic and reason. A reasonable argument would be it's normal and natural to have hair. Cited the dangers and risks of hair removal (infection irritation etc) and that its completely your choice to remove your own hair.

No. In order to argue a religious nut, you must stoop to their illogical delusional level. You need to comb though your religious texts, probably aided by an expert of some kind, that backs up whatever idea you have. The thing with religious I interpretation is you get the bible backing up actions like Westboro baptists as well as love your neighbor jesus lovers. Same with Jews who explicitly are forbidden to leave their house on the sabbath...but if they run a string around their town they can move about freely.

You need to beat them at their own game and find verses that support your goal. If you search hard enough, and interpret creatively enough, you will succeed

Scuse me, but that is bullshit. Its not about the religion. Its cultural. Islam has 1 billion followers and everyone of them has different views, culture and traditions. (Just like female genital mutilation isn't an Islamic tradition). Just because a person of a certain persuasion does it, doesn't mean it's a part of that persuasion.

Removal of hair down there has nothing to do with Islamic traditions (but correct me with facts if I'm wrong).

Seeing as most of these rules have their roots in practical guidances to make peoples' lives easier or prevent disease around the time and place where Muhammad lived and acted, my guess is it was meant to prevent parasite infestation or some such. Similar to other hygiene rules (praying 5 times and day and washing beforehand and so on) that were essentially invented my Muhammad to keep people from getting sick. This is also why pork is forbidden because it spoiled too quickly in the hot climate and made people sick. Obviously nowadays people are generally much cleaner and food storage is much better, so most people wouldn't shave with the intention of preventing parasites. And in some areas these things were never issues, so they are not as common in non-Arab cultures. And some follow the Qu'ran blindly and that's why they still do these things.

edit: I just did a search which more or less confirms my hunch. It seems as if the main purpose of shaving was to reduce the amount of water needed for washing. Conserving water was essential for desert dwellers and travelers.

They should be equally applied to men. And I think they are. In fact, the Qu'ran mentions shaving in the context of fitrah, which also mentions circumcision and trimming the moustache, so this totally applies to men.

Quote: The Sunnah indicates that it is prescribed to remove pubic hair and armpit hair. Al-Bukhaari (5889) and Muslim (257) narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “The fitrah is five things – or five things are part of the fitrah – circumcision, shaving the pubes, cutting the nails, plucking the armpit hairs, and trimming the moustache.”

They should be equally applied to men. And I think they are. In fact, the Qu'ran mentions shaving in the context of fitrak, which also mentions circumcision and trimming the moustache, so this totally applies to men.

I do know this is quite common for Arab Muslims, as I've read a lot of media that indicated such like this article. None of my South Asian Muslim friends practice this, and I'm not sure why, as many of them are observant of other laws.

As an Arab girl, my guess is the amount/thickness of hair that we are prone to grow compared to Asian women and girls. It’s probably a custom that started for hygienic (AND sexist) reasons. No longer necessary but people hate change.

I dated an Indian Muslim who did nothing like this, so I'm not sure it has much to do with Islam. She was fanatical about her eyebrows and facial hair, but didn't shave or pluck anywhere else, even armpits (which most women do where I live).

Islam means absolute surrender to “god”. So apparently in the “holy scripture” there is some procedures about that. Remember that they have to do ablutions 5 times a day. She basically do not belong to herself but to “god” first, then her family and then her community.

That las sentence not only applies to islam. The same thing goes for every major religion. The thing is that probably people interact with relax observing religious people. But religion was made to control people.

Where from? "Arab" says very little and even from village to city within the same country you'll have varying customs. In Islam women are supposed to keep everything shaved and clean. My parents are Syrian and super Muslim but all I was told was I was supposed to keep everything clean and handed a razor initially but never was asked about whether I did anything. Some arab parents are extra and honestly a little creepy about how controlling they are of their kids body, which may or may not be part of Islam, i don't think it is.
Did you get a marriage talk?

No, no marriage talk. I was never rushed into marriage, and since you were implying it was an Arab/Muslim thing, surely it would apply to most Muslims and Arabs. Anyhow, I'm Palestinian, so very similar culture to Syrian.

If you can't argue with her, choose the least of two evils. Waxing is less trouble than hair removal cream if you're using it on sensitive skin (can lead to burns). There isn't that much danger to hair removal in the pubic region. I've done it for years (now I just trim because I'm lazy and I don't want to pay for waxing). Can you maybe make a compromise with her about shaving on your own? Maybe she can buy you a electric razor/epilator you can use at home to trim it short.

Maybe I worded my reply poorly: waxing/shaving is better than creams for pubic hair. Because depilatory creams are strong chemicals that can harm the sensitive skin there. You can use cream on your legs and arms, but on your pubic hair I wouldn't risk it.

I haven't used depilatory creams in maybe more than a decade, but here we had Nair which was a well-known brand. I never had much success with them though. Hence me resorting to waxing (with sugar paste) or shaving.

It doesn't impact the rate of growth, but the hair is cut only at the surface of the skin. Waxing yanks the hair out by the roots. So it SEEMS like it grows back slower. It just takes a little while before it grows to the point where you can see it at the surface.

shaving doesnt make hair grow faster per say, it grows at the same rate as before, but when you wax you take the entire hair out at the root, which means there is more hair the body has to grow for it to show up. when you shave you only get rid of the bit of the hair that is already on the outside, so it is visible again after a much shorter time period

Don't use creams on anything but your legs. Every cream is generally far too toxic for your pubic hair and can cause serious issues. It's one of the most sensitive spots. Waxing there would also cause too much pain. Just get a razor for that area.

Don't use creams for your arms, again, it's too sensitive. I tried once and it turned my arms bright red for a week. It was itchy and worse than the hair. I would get an electric beard trimmer for the arms, and leave only a couple cm. You still have hair, but it will be so short that it won't be noticeable.

If you do plan to remove your hair regularly, don't use creams. It can fuck you up.

I mostly use an electric trimmer on the pubic area for that reason. It can get the hair nice and short without irritating my skin or setting up a follicle to become ingrown. I don't get it baby smooth, but I'm not concerned with baby smooth anyway.

OP: for what it's worth, I had the opposite problem at 14. I'm a redhead and desperately wanted to shave my hairy legs (nothing else, just the legs) like all my friends were doing. My mom was convinced my blondish-red leg hair didn't need to be shaved and would start growing back darker (that is just a myth, it never did grow in any thicker or darker). I shaved my legs behind her back for years, and when she did find out, she was ok with it.

I'm sorry that for your mom this is a religious thing and non-negotiable. And 4 years seems like a long time, but before you know it, you'll be 18 and you can make your own decisions for your body again.

Honestly, this is the real answer. I know it sucks but since you can't do anything to stop it may as well make it as easy as possible. I know it's not fair but it's honestly not the end of the world. Go for the cream, waxing can be incredibly painful, especially for a 14 year old.

Please please don’t use cream for anything but your legs (POSSIBLY arms if you do a small portion and it doesn’t bother them). I used cream for my bikini line once and it burned off a small layer of skin, it’s just far too sensitive. If you are going to use a razor, get ingrown hair serum or pads and you should be good to go.

The first time is always the weirdest, and if you do go to a professional just remember: this is their job. they do it every day all day, so seeing your body is no different for them. Good luck! <3

And the irony in it all is that there's probably some pressure to one day breed with a man who is genetically pretty predisposed to being hairy... so contradictions to REAL hair removal practices (ie just breed with a dude who is NOT hairy), AND perpetuating hairy-ness!

I'm a pretty hairless guy, and have dated women from Turkey and Bulgaria... they were all over the moon about my lack of hair. Which I was attracted to their thick luscious hair. However, I never met any parents... hrmmmm...

There is still the possibility of not admitting to her moms wishes, isnt there?

Atleast here in germany you are the only one after 14 and even 12 in some cases, that can decide what happens to your body. If your parents force you to undergo certain things like in this case hair removal that is considered abuse.

Here in germany you would go to your doctor (either gynecologist if you are a girl or your regular doc) if you are uncomfortable and talk to him about it and he could talk directly to your mother and inform her that she is breaking the law and/or make a statement to the Jugendamt (Child Protective Services) that their is a high likelyhood for abuse in that household.

The last part might be a bit harsh, but its still better than undergoing forced body modifications because of your parents wishes.

Obviously the US is not germany, but isnt there a way to achieve the same?

I mean people have a right to their own body and no one should be able to force their beauty standards on them "just because".

Don’t do it. I’m female, As a female, it’s not necessary and if it is, it’s your choice to make. You are a kid. Tell your mom that you respect her opinions and know she means well but, it’s not something you intend to do. It’s your body, your choice. Grow up slowly. These are adult issues. Remind her you are a kid 14 for Christ sakes.

I can’t believe this kind of weird stuff happens to kids. I’m sorry for you. I grew up the opposite of you. I was not allowed to have pierced ears, or wear make-up, etc etc but my issues pale in comparison to yours.

I’m stunned a mother would even suggest these things at your age. Well, try to stall for as long as you can. Did you talk to your dad and explain your concerns? Or an aunt or grandmother? Get a team of family members to intervene on your behalf.

Good luck young lady. I hope you win this one. It’s kind of an odd thing for a mother to insist upon.

My family all agrees, her mother had her (and my aunts, no doubt) do this at 13. She's always telling me to be thankful because other girls beg their moms to get facials, and monobrow shaving and waxing. That's what every argument comes back to: the fact that other girls want this, oh-so-badly, and so I should too. And if I don't I'm some sort of freak of nature.. it's incredibly damaging what she's saying but I try to tune it out. 14 to her is a Young Woman, not a kid..

She thinks I should "be more feminine". As if your femininity is rooted in your appearance and body hair..

I'll try to get her to postpone, but it's a run-but-you-cannot-hide situation really.

Definitely don't let your mom bully you into it with the "feminine" excuse. My gf's mom constantly told her to be more lady-like or else no one would want to be with her and it destroyed her self esteem. We've been together for over a year and she's still anxious about it sometimes. it's a bullshit way to treat a kid and you shouldn't accept it unless it's on your own terms.

My mother, and most of the females on the maternal side of my family had a similar focus on my appearance and lack of femininity at that age. By the age of 15 I was bulimic and developed body dysmorphia. My bulimia plagued me on and off until my mid 40s. I still struggle with my body image. Find someone to talk to about this. Maybe a school counselor.

Well, keep trying. It seems simple. She can’t drag you in there, ya know? Put your foot down. Then tell her you’ll decide when you choose to undertake these types of procedures.

Still weird any way you look at it. Your mom sounds like she cares too much what other people think

I’m a work-in-progress myself
when it comes to being a people pleaser but, never could I imagine trying to get another person to do things that are of such a personal nature against their will ... my child or not. Just screams insecurities

That's not why people hesitate to call social services. It's because children who do report abuse often get sent into worse situations in the foster care system. Now, I do believe it is important to report abuse, but the concern over foster care isn't an unreasonable one.

I'm replying to the person who said they were worried about bring shot; maybe write a reply to them on the worst-case failures of a system designed to (and which largely does) help children in abusive situations

It's not about being shot. I had abusive parents and called the cops a couple times. The cops told me that until I was 18 I had to do anything my parents told me, and as long as they didn't leave a bruise or I didn't starve to death they could hit me as much as they wanted and deny whatever they wanted. I got beat worse right after they left every time, after getting lectured by the police about how my parents were the Kings of the house.

Just because you had a bad experience does not mean that your word is fact. The police _are_ legally trained, and back in the day it was common for kids to get beat by their parents without anyone batting an eye. Still happens, but I digress. The police force grew up with that mentality along with their parents, and now that it's 2018, it's different. If the police did nothing when they got there, then it's not on them. They are legally obligated to take action when necessary, and I almost guarantee there was something more important that they could be attending to than showing up to a call where you have no marks and no signs of physical abuse. And before you say I have no clue, my significant other has been in the foster system almost a third of her life now, after being raped by her father, and the cops did do something.

When I was around your age my parents took me to get a "manly" haircut. I cried I pleaded,I hid, I did whatever it took to make my parents uncomfortable with what they were doing. My dad had to literally put me in the car for me to go.

In the end the hair stylist only trimmed my dead ends because of how upset I was

Perhaps you could compromise and suggest that you would rather learn to wax yourself down there so that you are never dependent on someone else for your grooming. Buy a little electric wax pot and if she sees you are handling it yourself you have control over when you do it and eventually if you do it at all. (Once she stops checking on you)

It's fairly easy to do once you get used to it, but if you compromise with her on doing it yourself, it could give you control over your body again and not have to engage in conversation about having a 'waxing lady' come by.

EDIT: Disclaimer: I could act more outraged by her family's behaviour, but having grown up in a society like OPs I know full well that a compromise is sometimes the best way to come out unscathed. Have to choose your battles carefully in situations like these. There'll probably be a big one in OPs future and she's got to conserve that energy.

You might try pointing out that you’re not “other girls”, you’re you, her daughter. What other girls want and what their mothers say yes or no to, doesn’t matter.

It may be that your mother wants to bond with you, and/or experience with you the things a mother does to help her daughter transform into a woman. If you can divert the conversation away from this one specific thing, by trying to find out why she’s so hung up on this/why this is so important to her, you might be able to compromise and find something else to do with her that fulfills that need-she mentioned facials-maybe you two could go get a facial together? Suggesting something to replace the hair removal while also gently letting her know that it won’t be the experience she wants since you’re not comfortable doing full hair removal yet so the magic/bonding/ritualization of it won’t be the wonderful experience she’s wanting might be more successful.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Having serious conversations with parents as a teenager is hard. The common wisdom is teenagers are unreasonable and emotional, but I’ve often found that the same comes from the parents. It’s very difficult for a mutually satisfying and serious discussion can be had when parents come into it expecting the teen to be emotional and unreasonable-and so are already defensive and angry. And sometimes, depending on the parent, already determined to assert their dominance/authority. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy when someone approaches a conversation with those expectations.

Unfortunately. Children have little to no rights when it comes to certain things. Especially if religion is used as a lawful excuse.
That being said. I don’t know of any religions beyond polygamist ones that would force you to have a shaved vagina. (This is TwoXChromosomes we don’t have to be scared of saying vagina, right?)

It seems really strange and if Op is genuine and isn’t trolling, she’s going to have to give more information for any meaningful advice to be given.

I am so with you on that! For several years in a row, I went to see various friends in local annual production of the Vagina Monologues. There is an entire scene about hair growing on your vagina. I so wanted to scream "If there is hair on your vagina, you might want to see a doctor about that. "

I’m Muslim. It’s a Muslim thing. I started removing my hair long before I even knew it was technically expected of me religiously, anyway. My mother never forced such in me - in fact, she was unhappy I started shaving so early. I can’t imagine the humiliation and (additional) self-hate I would’ve internalized if my mom was like YOU NEED TO BE BALD EVERYWHERE FOR GOD NOW LET ME WAX YOU.

I wish I had advice for OP. This is so invasive and overstepping boundaries and I’d love to tell her to tell her mom to fuck off, but she is 14, and it’s not like she can just leave if it comes to that. And depending on the dominant culture where she is, she may not get any sympathy from others, either.

Sadly (and its a TIL for me) some Islamic people believe you should shave your armpits and pubic hair every 40 days to help remain clean for Allah (Edit: apparently trimming the hair is more common). I would imagine that most of her family are going to believe she should shave (Edit: trim) too - given the religious elements, I don't think this is an argument she can easily win. There is, however, an argument that it is an option, not an obligation which may help u/eyeliner-and-kindess if she decides to fight this.

I can't say I'm an expert in the dangers of shaving/waxing/whatever down there, but I don't think they're too common. Perhaps OP can choose the safest/easiest method. My general advice for religous rituals is to just go along with it while you're living at home, and then once you're older and free you can discard those religious shackles whenever you want.

As I said, its new information for me. The phrase I kept seeing when googling was "shave pubic hair and pluck armpits." It may well be (and it sounds like you know more than I do) that people translate or interpret it differently, or just downright ignore it - plucking armpit hair sounds like torture to me.

How about we all just stop trying to look like pre-pubescent children and accept that we naturally have hair in some places? Goddamn, I'm glad my hubby doesn't give a shit about whether I shave or not.

Just so you know, her original post does not mention she is Muslim. I’m not getting the thread that you say you already posted. Not sure why I only have 23 comments and only received your insults but nothing else. So shhhh calm down. Things happen.

Whew what country are you from you sound kind of psycho to get so worked up.

Dipshit .. you are just being stupid now. I did not receive any updated comments but yours and hers ONLY. Not one Muslim comment came through to me. What part of that do you not get? Get some sleep. Troll

It's nigh impossible to say no to your mum when you're 14 and it falls under religious practice. Trust me, I've been there, albeit not to this extent.

To put your mind at rest, I've been waxing since I was 12. I begged my mum to let me let me start shaving as I've very pale skin and very dark thick hair and it was very upsetting to me at the time. I have an aunt that's a beautician so she did it for me.

Waxing isn't as painful as some people make out and I've never had any issues with it. You should exfoliate though to prevent ingrown hairs which can cause little spots sometimes.

Hair removal cream is pain free but I hate the smell. Shaving is laborious and the hair grows back quicker and thinker than other methods bit it's still my preferred hair removal method. Don't shave your face or arms. I find threading very painful.

When it comes to your nether region, will your mum see it? If you use hair removal cream on your arms and legs to the top of your thighs, will you be checked. If not, let it go natural or just have a trim.

I agree it's your body and it should be your choice but I also know what it's like not being listened to at that age. I've had the, "you're doing it and that's that" argument way too many times and the frustration that brings. I've found it's made me more sure of myself when I'm older though. If I don't want to do something now, I'm very firm about it and I don't bow to peer, family or societal pressure.

If you can hold your ground so that you don't have to do it then wonderful, you're doing what's right for you. If you can't then don't worry too much about it, hair grows and soon you'll be old enough to do whatever you want. My point is that there's nothing to worry about.

On a side point, I debate with my mother to try to challenge her own thinking on it. She doesn't often budge but it helps later on. Ask her why it's so important for her that you be hair free? If it's for religious practice shouldn't it be something that you offer freely when you're ready? Where is it written and are we sure that's how it's interpreted? Does this only apply to women? Why is that the case? Drove my mum nuts but she at least backed down from pushing me into thing I didn't want to do.

Only somewhat related... I have super thick head hair and in elementary school was told ALL THE TIME that’s it’s because I got it thinned (shearing the hair, not pulling). They were being shitty about it and I hated it. Now I love my hair.

It always annoys me when people say "it's a myth". I don't care if the hairs are not actually thicker, they feel thicker and look darker. It's not about facts, it's about esthetics, which is the reason that some people shave in the first place.

Have you got a source for that, I only ask as it certainly doesn't seem to be a myth when it comes to beards. The parts I shave have far more thick visible hairs than the areas I don't, in fact in order to thicken my beard in the places I wanted it, I shaved it for a while and it did get thicker (as in the beard not the individual hairs)

Cutting yourself and removing a layer of skin are very different things. We shed our skin all the time, it just flakes away. So when we shave we take off the top flakey layer in one go rather than it dropping of in bits slowly

But it's true. That's where the irritation comes from. The outer layer of skin is dead keratocytes, but they are an important barrier. If they are removed, bodies easily react with inflammation. You don't have to do anything wrong to get that.

Shaving does remove almost as much skin as hair, especially on a man’s face. It generally removes the superficial layer of skin at the surface, and irritation is largely based on how much skin is removed combined with chemicals applied after shaving.

The dead skin is there for a reason, removing it is removing a barrier between your body and the environment and let's the bacteria, mites etc. further in. Not to mention that some bodies react with an immune reaction, like rashes etc, to combat possible infection.

Hoping this becomes more visible. I really don’t mean to be ignorant but I honestly didn’t know this was a practice (or why) and which religion would force this. I’m aware of orthodox Jewish women shaving their head after marriage but that’s about it.

I’m aware of orthodox Jewish women shaving their head after marriage but that’s about it.

This is very, very uncommon among the various subsets of Orthodox Judaism. Most women simply cover their hair with a hat or a scarf. Some choose to wear wigs. If there are people who do choose to shave their heads, I imagine it's for personal or cultural reasons. It's not something required by Judaism itself.

This is very, very uncommon. Most women simply cover their hair with a hat or a scarf. Some choose to wear wigs. If there are people who do choose to discourage their heads, I imagine it's for personal or cultural reasons. It's not something required by Judaism.

The Sunnah apparently requires the removal of pubic hair. I don’t know if this applies to all denominations of Islam as the laws and practice differ between them. You can read about it here:
https://islamqa.info/en/202827

Whoa, slow down. I've never heard this before. So you're telling me this whole time Islam has required this? For like 1000 years and I haven't heard of this requirement? That's wild. I just assumed all shaving was not allowed. I thought her mother was pressuring her to do this to please her future husband and fulfill that rule of Islam.

The practice of sugaring is WAY older than Islam and also from somehow around the Fertile Crescent. It protects against certain lice.

Like with many other cultural things, people who then became Muslims already had it in their culture and it got mixed up with the religion, the purpose and origin lost in a vague notion of "cleanliness". It's the same thing with many other religions and cultural practices.

Islam is a rulebook on how to live your life, it's basically an entire way of life. You're not supposed to show your genitals either to strangers for example (the area between belly button and knees according to my Muslim friends) , that means that you can't even be naked in a public changing room (I scandalized a lot of people here in the middle east before knowing this!).

Mutilating a child’s penis for example. “Its a covenant with me”. Christians need to abstain from meat for a week yearly. Christians need to be batptized and then later in life repeat their believe in god in their “first communion”. Christians need to confess their sins regularly and swallow the dead corpse of christ and drink his blood every week at least, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc.

Christians need to abstain from meat for a week yearly. Christians need to be batptized and then later in life repeat their believe in god in their “first communion”. Christians need to confess their sins regularly and swallow the dead corpse of christ and drink his blood every week at least, etc etc etc etc etc etc etc.

I’d take this over getting my dick or clit cut like in Islam and Judaism

I don’t see what you mentioned about Christians is even bad tho? Eat a cracker drink wine, dont eat meat for a week once a year (sounds healthy actually), telling a trusted person your sins to get that stress off your chest and to move on

All religions are stupid made up lies lol stop trying to justify your religion. Christianity also says that if a man rapes a virgin he must marry her. Also anything in the sea that does doesn’t have fins or scales is to not be eaten. Get in touch with reality buddy all religions are equally grotesque and outlandish.

I like how you assume I’m Christian just because I think its better than Islam. Maybe if you looked into religions more instead of dismissing them all as made up lies you would know more about what your talking about

Christianity also says that if a man rapes a virgin he must marry her.

thats the old testament, Christ washed that shit away with his blood when he died for your sins buddy

So we can just ignore entire parts of the Bible now? Lol so what about all of this from the New Testament? Herod was killed by an angel for dishonoring God, and was subsequently eaten by worms (Acts 12:23).
Ananias and Sapphira were struck dead because they lied to the Holy Spirit (Acts 5).
The apostle Paul was stoned, shipwrecked, whipped, and beaten numerous times (1 Corinthians 11:24–26).
Believers were beaten, flogged, tortured, and even literally sawed in half (Hebrews 11:37).

If it comes down to her forcing you to go, tell the person doing the waxing that she is forcing you to do this and that you have no intentions of going through with it despite what she says. If I got one piece of advice for life it’s to not let people trample over you enough for you to be suffocated. Some is okay but there is always a limit. Keep your head up!

Upvoting this. No professional will go through with an appointment with a minor if the kid is sitting there saying “I was forced here and I refuse to have this done to me.” Your mom can scream all she wants but no stylist will touch you with a ten foot pole. You might have to do it at home but at least you have your privacy.

Can you compromise with her and do the legs and arms and buy a beard trimmer for your lady parts and keep it closely trimmed until you are more comfortable with the waxing process? Usually after you have done your legs and arms a few times you know how it feels, it hurts a little less and it is less scared? Or she may be happy that you are keeping trimmed up down there? I know culturally this is a thing, but use all your powers of manipulation and persuasion on her, things like how modest you are about your lady parts, and though you understand you are lucky and appreciative for her helping you do this you want to keep your modesty until you are more comfortable with the process? Use calm reasoning that will resonate with her cultural or religious reasons for doing this. Good luck,
If you have to go ahead with this, do you have any friends that have done it that can talk you through it and how they felt?

This is such a crappy situation, I'm sorry you're being pressured into doing this :/

I have more visible hair than the 'average' woman, and got picked on for it at school (in the UK). So, I started removing my hair at a slightly earlier age than you - first eyebrow plucking, then leg/underarm shaving. Even though no one was making me to it, I still felt like I had to - just to stop people from making me feel miserable.

I think as women, our bodies get scrutinised a lot. Sure, other people can choose not to give in - I could have done that when I was 13. But the consequences of doing that can often be really unpleasant. With so many expectations to fulfil, I feel like a lot of us have to 'pick our battles'.

If there is no way for you to avoid this without causing a lot of disruption, perhaps you could try making a deal - that you'll agree to legs first, or legs/arms, and see how it goes. One concession may allow you to stall the 'down there' part until you're a bit older or feel more ready.

Me too. I’m a hairier than average Caucasian Brit (I blame my Dad’s genes) with dark body hair and pale skin. I used to get teased for my unibrow and moustache and hairy legs... I started shaving in secret at 12-13. Though apparently my mum deliberately left the razor so I could use it, and didn’t tell me.

Obviously it was (sort of) my choice to remove my body hair. I think your advice is pretty good, OP should try and get it done bit by bit, with someone she trusts.

Even though you can't really do anything against her right now, I really hope you realize how wrong this treatment is and you don't allow it to go on for the rest of your life. You're human being with rights ro your own body and nobody owns you, not even your parents.

Turkish 17 yo dude here, even being a male and accepted atheist doesnt allow me to rid myself of peculiar and unnecessary intrusive requests from family.

If you can keep fighting and/or just announce atheism, they will eventually give up and let you do whatever the fuck you want but that is hard and some families will resist harder and turn your life into hell.

On the other hand if you choose the easier way and just get waxed, you'll be on better terms(prolly) and it'll be less stressful.

Finally, my gf back when we were 14 told me about being waxed, she was hyper sensitive down there but waxing apparently only really hurt the first time and became normal later on. She never had any issues from it and wasnt exactly what you would call fashion conscious, just did it to feel clean.

god, im so sorry this is happening. what in the world religion requires kids to get genital hair removal?? i desperately hope you will be able to change her mind or find someone to protect you from this....maybe you can talk her down to just shaving? at least that is less painful & you can be somewhat in control. this is so awful & im so sorry...maybe you can tell the workers at the hair removal place she's forcing you and they might be able to help. stay strong.

Lol i dont actually. I just googled it and read a short little article. It's in their scripture but I'm not exactly sure why. It's just one of those religious rules like how Pentecostal women can't cut their hair.

I totally get it about the religious aspect. You can’t shake parents about that stuff. I had a similar situation about hair both on my body and my head. But my religious background goes in the opposite direction. As a swimmer that was so awkward. I was under so much social pressure outside of home and so much pressure at home.

This is just my two cents; but if your going to have to do this I would consider asking for laser treatment? It’s much more permanent. So if you want hair later it’s not going to really come back so definitely don’t do laser if you want hair later. But the nice part of it is, when it’s done it’s just done. Rather than having to go back again and again you can just get through it and be done.

I do wish that your parents understood your feelings about this. I don’t think it’s right to put you through this and I don’t want you to feel like I’m just advising you to cave. This is your body. You own it. I just want to share my empathy for the embarrassment caused by other people having such strong opinions about something so private and my experience with hair removal.

I am currently setting up to do laser. After years of shaving and even in the years when I did not I have had some problems with ingrown hairs becoming infected and causing real problems. For a long time my mom thought that it was because I was doing something bad. But luckily my wonderful great aunt told her that she gets the same problem and she has never shaved! Her doctor told her it’s just a silly and uncooperative shaped hair follicle that all of the ladies in my family get!

I hope your parents will let you at least delay until you are older. When our religious backgrounds declare us women at times that don’t match our bodies and minds it’s just the worst. And that’s such a private thing (body hair).

I can tell you that when I have gone for hair removal the women there have always made me feel very comfortable and less shy than I would have thought possible. So, hugs across the internet. All of my best to you

Then you probably have no recourse whatsoever, other than your current resistance. If you can stall long enough, maybe she'll get tired of the struggle and let it go, but I doubt it.

You are right. How you feel is right. You should be the one who controls what is done to your body. Don't let anyone change your mind about that. You may have to allow this to happen, but no one can make you like it or approve of it.

And you are right about being feminine. Different cultures have different standards of beauty. Body hair, or the lack of it, is not a universal sign of beauty. Or of womanliness. You are not less a woman because you prefer a more natural style.

You may not be able to change this situation for yourself, but hold on to your feelings around it. Then, some day, if you have a daughter, you can use those feelings to understand her feelings and stand up for her and allow her to make her own choices around her body.

This is most likely the best approach. As a teen, you're still forced to follow your parents lead. Living under their roof, especially in a conservative, religious home, means making personal sacrifices because you've got no other choice.

Bide your time and, and when you can, get out and become your own person

It took going to college to escape my fanatical church and family, and since then I've been able to slowly convince my mom to change some of her deeply held beliefs (crazy) beliefs.

So not a woman just a dude but regardless of religous fervor or family tradition this is simply wrong. The most you could do is CPS but that...yeah...extreme measure. You are a human being in the throws of puberty and seem to be forced against your will to do something potentially life altering for her because of anatomy!? I thought parents did for there kids not themselves. If I were you i would fight tooth and nail and stand my ground your fucking body your goddamn motherfucking decision end of story.
Ps ive broke my dads nose for trying to tell me how MY life is GOING to be n mafucking o old man.

You can't fight your parents unless you have enough money to run away. I am 25yo Christian. I've met mutilated girls. I've met girls forced to marry at age 12 baby at 14. My friend (male) fought his father he ended up in hospital from beatings. Muslims live life very closely to rest of family. They are all for one and that one is always older person. Kid fights dad? Every male person from family comes within minutes and they hurt kid. If kid (male) missbaheves after that they send him to work some extremely hard job in foreign country where he won't know language and can only communicate with other Muslims from that country argh I am so angry my language abilities are not good enough to write you everything I know but please be more considerable to other cultures rest of world lives so differently than Americans. But I beg you to believe me I am speaking first hand from people I known for 10-5 years. Fighting elders is death sentence for strong believing Muslim families.

Why i subscribe to this sub to learn. I am from a redneck ass family of drug abuse and beatings and it all i mean all stopped when i started fighting back....guess thats all i know. I come here to learn and be enlightened.

I'm so sorry you're having to think about this procedure when it's not your choice. I know you don't have the option to say no, so at this point it's just about choosing the easiest and most painless option.

If the act of removing the hair is a priority over the actual result, I would suggest buying an electric trimmer.
It is completely painless, and has no risk of cuts or razor burn like with shaving. What's more is it's very easy to do yourself in your own home.

Some trimmers come with covers which allow you to keep a short length of hair if you want. However bare head of the trimmer will allow you to cut the hair as close as a razor would.

An important thing to take from this is the learning experience. If you do end up forced into that situation it will certainly be uncomfortable but it will not be the end of your life. Keep this treatment in mind when you someday have kids and try to give them the comfort you cannot get now. When it comes to hair removal down below see if your mother can come to a compromise like allowing you to use clippers yourself rather than having a stranger go there.

Ask your mother if she is expecting you to become sexually active in the next month because that's the only reason you would want to remove lower body hair. Maybe you can come to an agreement that you will consider these treatments when you are ready to start looking for a boyfriend or husband. Just because she had to at 13 doesn't make it right for you to have to at 14.

I appreciate this reply I honestly had no idea and I understand my ignorance can be abrupt. I personally have no issue with people's religious beliefs, it just seems like such a young age to enforce genital grooming.

To be honest, I didn't know either so I looked it up and I agree with you. The first thing that popped up about it was a forum where a single dad was asking how to help his 13 year old daughter remove hers and it was awkward

Would it be possible to convince her to let you shave yourself? It seems like it could be a good compromise, you're fulfilling the religious requirement, and it's on your terms and not painful for you.

Tell your mother you want to do it for yourself. Ask her to buy the products for you. Then fib and say you did it. She will not look at your private parts, will she?

If she buys you anything that has a smell, open the product in the bathroom and allow the smell to fill the room. If she will see your armpits or legs, you might need to do those. But if you generally wear clothes that conceal these areas, she will not know. Just be especially careful for the first month to not be seen with your armpits or legs exposed.

I ordinarily would not tell a teenager to lie to her mother, but this is an exceptional situation.

It's her parent. Not a complete stranger. Suggesting to get CP services is just going to make thing worse for the both of them. It could potentially land this 14 year old in a foster care and we all know how dangerous that can be.

So again, forcing a 14 year old to wax isn't serious enough to get child protective services involved.

And of course I'd be different if a male was telling his daughter to do it. Why would the father even be anywhere near those parts of her body? A mother is different, just like a father making his son wax isn't the same. The daughter will almost always go to the mother when it comes to personal things.

Is it possible to compromise? Can you just trim or does it have to be shaved? CAn you do it yourself? I have a very nice electric trimmer that allows me to trim my pubic hair. None of the negative effects of shaving.

Seems to me that you don’t really have a way out. Religion can make people do crazy things, as I’m sure you’re aware. I have first hand experience with that.

If you can’t resist it, you may just have to accept it. You have to consider that the alternative could be a lot worse (via family ramifications). I don’t know if they would be, but I’m taking it that’s the case.

If you do go through with the removal, know that it’s not something to be ashamed about. It’s merely something that happened that you had little to no say in, so you have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, if you take control and own it, it can be something to be proud of. Already, by opening up online, I can see you’re already a lot more courageous than a lot of people I know.

Do not let it happen. Start small - I’m not doing this. Keep pushing. If by the end of the day you end up having to kick, scream, make a scene, cross your legs, refuse to disrobe, so be it. Look a tech in the eye and tell them you will go to the police and file charges of sexual assault.

In short - if you don’t want it then commit to escalating the situation as far as it needs to go.

Postpone. You may not be able to avoid it altogether, but if you can postpone you increase the chance of a more comfortable outcome. And, of course, you may be able to do it in stages -- I recognize that you don't want any of it, but perhaps once stalling fails you can just start by avoiding the parts you're least comfortable about removal.

There are different things that you might try. One is to sit it out until you are grown up, and then choose your own way. Many people here say that your mums behavior is abusive, and I agree that it can seen that way. But how you react is your decision, and falling out with your family may not be what you want. So complying and waiting is one option. And don't worry, the hair will grow back.

Alternatively, you could try to reason. Maybe you do not need to shave/wax, but you could simply trim it? The religious part comes from cleanliness, I imagine, so this might be a compromise.

You can suggest to her that the side effects of hair-removal on your lady bits may actually cause some health-related issues: chemical burns, ingrown hairs, rashes, pain and discomfort. I am not trying to spook you, but these are very real potential side effects (I was once lectured by my gynecologist about it) and you could try to scare your mom.

You could try posting to r/legaladvice! IANAL but that sounds like something that, in an ideal society, I'd like for the courts to intervene in. Forcing permanent, unnecessary medical procedures on minors should, IMO, be illegal.

You could also try telling the folks at the hair removal facility that you do not want to have this procedure done.

Obviously, neither of these options are going to do good things for your relationship with your mother. But, your personal health is the priority here.

Wait so all Islamic girls and guys shave their armpits and privates? Even though its super taboo to show those parts to anyone?? What the he'll is even the point?? For your spouse? What if he likes girls that are hairy? This all seems stupid and more of a cultural vanity thing then actually about religion. I'm so sorry for your horribly terrible mother

This is a religious thing? I am very skeptical, as I am unaware of any religion that mandates genital hair removal, especially for children. If you can, I would suggest perhaps having a chat with her congregational leader to find out whether they truly advocate your mother push you into this; they may be willing to have a chat with her about it. If they are advocating your mother push you into genital hair removal, there is something very, very wrong with that church, in a "probably requires legal intervention" kind of way. Your mother's preoccupation with your genitals and insistence on genital hair removal sounds like it is walking close to, and perhaps crossing, lines of child sex abuse. Please consider posting this on r/legaladvice.

If you hurt your parent that is deathly sin in most of Muslim countries. I suppose she won't survive hitting her mother. This is so bad post and so risky to even give her this idea and encourage her rage. She 90% would not survive hitting a parent. Or she will be locked down untill they find her a husband who will keep up with silly bad wife. And then true hell starts. Please watch what are you writing on the internet your words can leave consequences.

Are you isis or are you a free people that can post on Reddit with such a risky post in a Muslim country. And speak your minds without the punishment of death? The internet is freedom she spoke her free mind your faith got in the way reddit never fails

I am free and I am a person who fights everyday to make world a better place. But this is a sensitive young girl and she needs to learn to manage her emotions and anger so she can grow up and be strong adult who can actually change her fate. And that's why I told you this. Be helpful and not opposite freedom of speech is also freedom of telling something meaningful not some advice which could get this young girl hurt.

You win can’t argue faith and culture what I can say is that it is old and I’m tired of seeing dead kids in your your lands over faith and god yours or mine it’s old very very old we shoot our selves up you guys bomb everything it’s very tiring and old

I had a friend who's dad would sneak into her room at night at trim her bikini zone if she had done something "naughty" that day. Pretty sure he's under house arrest now. The moment someone forces you to do something you're not okay with, put your foot down. I understand there are cultural differences, but your human rights, as well as your safety, can NEVER be compromised by any other individual - majority of countries have laws against that. I hope you're able to find a less extreme way of getting out of it, instead of going to the cops. I am sorry, no one should have to deal with that

The obvious “you shouldn’t be forced to do any hair removal in any area you don’t want” comment aside. If there’s absolutely no way around it I can offer some suggestions on how to get through it and which to choose?

Firstly I would never recommend a hair removal cream - they are extremely irritating to almost all types of skin. They absolutely stink and don’t remove the hair any better than shaving. NEVER PUT THESE NEAR YOUR BIKINI AREA. They will mess with the pH and you will get a yeast infection or reaction (they say this on the packaging).

With regard to shaving I would 100% recommend that for all body hair removal for a young girl. You can do it yourself so no awkwardness. It might be a bit more comfortable easing in? I’d suggest a shaving foam or lacking that conditioner to get a better shave. HOWEVER: it will almost certainly cause ingrown hairs on your bikini area and underarms, plus irritate the skin. The only way to avoid this is removing the root entirely (waxing/epilating/Lazer).

I personally wax my face, stomach, bikini and underarms (I shave my legs because I don’t grown much hair). Obviously there is discomfort but it is certainly not as bad as it’s made out - especially if you use “hard wax” instead of “strip wax”. Take an ibeprofen/anti-inflammatory 20 mins before. Waxing does have the awkward factor but do remember beauticians do this all day. They don’t find it awkward and they will make it as comfortable as possible just say it’s your first time. It does have merits in that the hair is removed from the root so the skin is softer and less irritated. It’s better for vaginal health (yeast infections etc). You only have to go once a month depending on hair growth. So pros and cons.

Lazer is preferable but expensive. You do your sessions 6-12, it doesn’t hurt. Then you never have to go again. Although I’m not sure if there are age restrictions.

Maybe buy an epilator or an at home waxing kit if you find it too awkward. Same deal as before but I do find waxing a bit hard to psych myself up for if I’m doing it. I don’t know if you have a friend or family member who would do it for you?

Since you can't get out of it, can you buy the cream yourself at a store and bring it home to try? I would try the hair removal cream on a little patch of skin in your more sensitive areas that you have hair. Hopefully you won't have any reaction, then you can do that yourself. If it works, you can do it yourself rather than having to go somewhere. It has to be so hard that you have to do it at all, but to me it is better that you are in control of it yourself. After you get to a point of being an adult, can you stop having it done? Definitely some day if you have kids, you can make sure your daughter doesn't have to do it. Sorry, and I hope it goes ok for you.

Ask her if you can use a trimmer and shave instead of having it waxed off. Waxing anywhere is painful, but down there? Fuck no. Shaving “down there” isn’t that bad if you trim first. It’s not painful (unless you cut yourself) and you don’t have to worry about getting burned by wax or anything.

If you do try shaving tho, look up tips on how to do it properly so you don’t end up with ingrown hairs. There’s a certain amount of upkeep (you might have to shave more often than if you, say, waxed because you’re not pulling the hair out so it grows back faster) but I would say it’s worth it to get your mom off your back. Plus, if you don’t want another person there (like a salon worker or whatever) you can do it on your own.

If anyone else has any tips or advice feel free to add! I’m sorry your mother is forcing you into this! Good luck hun!

Stand your ground honey! I understand you are to obey your parents, be respectful and follow your faith. Use logic, ask yourself what religious purpose could it possibly have to shave your vagina!?! I on the other hand started sharing mine before I ever had my first sexual encounter and to this day (47 now) when I see the OBGYN they are always startled that I am shaven and equate that with being easy or having a sexual overdrive?!? Go figure. My point. Do what feels right for you, religion or not. God gave you free will and a book of guidance NOT musts!!! Love M.

Exactly! Why aren't the rules applied to men? Because it is men who make these rules. If this girl lives in a Muslim country, chances address good that the police aren't going to help her. If they can force her to do this, what other bodily harm can they force upon her in these name of religion?

That is ridiculous. It's your body, you should be the one making decisions about it. Have you tried talking to a trusted adult about this? I know it's awkward, but this is a form of abuse.

But, I highly recommend getting waxed over creams. It doesn't hurt that bad, and it keeps hair away for longer. Shaving causes all sorts of irritation. Some waxing salons offer discounts if you buy in bulk, though it can get quite expensive. Make sure, if your mother is insisting, that she's footing the bill.

Ok, first off- tips:. Exfoliate! If you wax, don't put any creams or lotions ok for like a day after. Then make sure you gently exfoliate when you shower to help prevent ingrowns

Try to avoid creams down there, from personal experience.....

Maybe trim the pubic hair a bit depending on length and thickness. I made the mistake of going half bush one time...... I didn't do that again.

Tips aside,and personal opinion- I can't stand that she's making you do this. No one has Dominion over your body but yourself. I'm enraged that a mother would force her child to do this.. it should only ever be your decision as it is your body. My mother used to think my body was hers and innapropriately touch me even into adult hood.

I'm sick thinking of you being put in the position. I was able to stop my mother ..
I wish I had the chance to stop yours from forcing you.

use a skin numbing cream, such as with lidocaine as an active ingredient. You can find it in burn ointments but they also sell it online specifically for hair removal. This was the thing that helped me the most

I usually also pop an Advil or two about an hour before the appointment

If it’s any consolation, I find waxing to be the best form of hair removal. The actual procedure sucks, but then you do eat weeks of hairless or very light hairs, and it does make things like cleaning feel easier. Obviously no one be feel forced into it though.

I know you have gotten a lot of great advice from other commentors. I'm just here to reiterate that waxing would be way better than the creams. If you have to do it maybe you can convince mom to take you to a nice salon that uses hard wax as part of the compromise. I have found hard wax is way more gentle and less irritating. I actually bought a kit to do the hard wax at home on my public area and armpits (I still shave my legs because it is too much area to cover with the wax and I am lazy). Best of luck and keep us updated!!!

"This is a religious thing, and so i will not be able to have my mother change her mind, absolutely not."

Wait...what? The religion rule is you have to shave your pussy? Or the religion rule is you must obey your mother and not question anything she says?

Because if it's the latter...you just need to find a religious scripture expert you trust to help you sort though your holy book and find verses and evidence that back up whatever your desired result is. If it's the former...what religion specifies you need a bald beaver?

If it makes you feel a fraction better, there's no danger to having no hair on your bits. I shave my bits clean and have for almost a decade now. I know that doesn't subtract from what your mother is doing at all... What she is doing isn't right.

What religion forces you to remove your hair. I haven't heard of any. I think your mother is crazy and using religion as an excuse to make you potentially hurt yourself. Honestly, I would call CPS in this case

Just say, in a calm and polite tone "My body hair does not pose a danger to my health or well being and will stay where it is until I decide otherwise, thank you" and then deal with the consequences. She has to feed you and shelter you. When she takes everything away just practice meditation or pick up some yoga/thai chi. If you are physically forced, just go limp and ragdoll it up while repeating the phrase "I am being taken against my will, I am 14 please help me" at a moderate volume. See how that works out yeah?

the desert regions shaved women for the 70 virgins fantasy and de-licing...

ALL regions should wax (or razor). if it's done correctly, it won't hurt too much. Creams are caustic chemicals and they are seeping into your bloodstream via your skin. Also, if you leave on too long, they will burn you and leave you with a nasty rash. You REALLY don't want to get the cream inside yiur vagina!

PS - you are at an age where you are in GREAT danger of being "married off" against your will. Your family will have already picked yoir husband with future husband's family in secret without telling you. Beware of any "vacations" back to the old country! One you get on the plane or boat, it will be too late. You will be locked up without a passport until you are married. Chances are you won't be coming back home. You will be a slave to your new in-laws.

This is not BS. This has happened to many many girls... Good luck kiddo. You have been warned. You can get help from non-religious friends...

If there's no way to avoid it, at least avoid the hair removal cream. It is very unsafe for the pubic region and can cause awful chemical burns. Maybe when you go in, if she's not there with you, you can ask whoever is doing the waxing not to do it. You could try bribing them, maybe?

We’re so sorry your mother is doing this to you. We do not treat under 18s. Full stop. It’s unethical on our part, it can lead to all kinds of issues, and most of all - this isn’t your decision and taking away your agency for what is essentially a medical procedure is not something we would ever consider.

PM us if you think there’s anything we can do to help. We’re based just outside London, UK.

If there is no choice, I'd suggest waxing. It lasts longer and there's no chemicals to worry about. The first wax strip is a shock but it's overall not as terrible if your hair isn't too long. Consider taking Tylenol or Advil prior to your appointment. With pubic region, it's quite personal. Can you ask your mom if you can start with arms at your first appointment but nothing else. Then add legs, and then finally the rest after a few appointments. Maybe that's really all you can negotiate. I'm sure she can be reasoned with somewhat if you say it's embarrassing and scary at first. You are being a dutiful daughter, just taking a slower pace. Honestly, once you've waxed a couple times you realize how professional these people are and you're quite comfortable moving your legs around. But I think a slow start is s reasonable request, she must remember how awkward it is too. Good luck!

Tell her that if her relationship with you is important to her, she will not make you do this. You will not forgive her, you do not want this, you will not forget and you just want to have perfectly normal boundaries, your body is your body. It's probably not just this one area that she has boundry issues with, so this can be a watershed moment for the two of you.

If she thinks that over and still wants to do it, your mom is a huge asshole and you should move out when you are able.

The reason I say she's an asshole if she won't relent is because she then values social custom or other's opinions or her own ideas over what you want, and she would be willing to destroy your relationship just to get it.

Think about that, ruining your relationship with your child over some body hair. Wow. How petty.

Hi! I’m 15 and I’ve done it lots of times since I’m a Muslim and it’s compulsory for girls to get rid of their hair in that area and also the arm pit area. I really dislike pain, so I use hair removal cream. I use a brand called ‘veet’. It doesn’t hurt and has a nice smell to it. After you use it, you’re gonna laugh so hard because there’s nothing to be scared of lol. The box has this spatula thing which means you don’t have to touch that area. It literally takes 6 minutes, so stay calm. You’re overreacting lol.

She is being forced to do something she doesn’t want to do because of her mother’s religious beliefs. She isn’t even allowed to voice her opinion on a matter concerning her own body. This is child abuse and she isn’t overreacting at all.

This is a little disturbing. I hope you are able to take control of your body and the choices that are made for it. I hope you stand up for your right to make that choice with any means possible. It infuriates me that a 14 year old girl is being forced to wax all of her body hair. What sort of horrible patriarchal views does your family observe? Time to bring them back to 2018 where girls and women decide what to do with their body hair.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. Is this something you will have to continue doing for the rest of your life even after you no longer live with your mother? If so, is it possible for you to get laser hair removal? This would only have to be done once and you would never have to go through it again. It is expensive here in the states but less so in other countries. Stay strong <3

If you have no option - may I suggest laser hair removal for your lady garden as it’s a permanent solution. It takes a number of visits over 12 months but if your religious beliefs want you to remain hair free for life, this is a great option that reduces ongoing maintenance. You can have legs and underarms done as well.

I wish you strength and for your mum to listen to your desires to keep your hair.

Don't do it. She can't make you do anything you don't want to do. 14 is too young to start with that shit. I'm 25 and I don't do it because it's my body and I can do what I want with it. Let her know how you feel and don't back down. Do it when/if you want to do it. It's your body!!

Not to be the opposite trend setter but welcome to life darlin. Even though you don't want to do something someone that you should respect will tell you to do otherwise. Being underage, voice your concerns to your parents and when you become old enough to make your own decisions you can change then.

Different cultures have different requirements and I'm glad I had more freedom growing up but when it came to what my parents said I followed until I moved out.

You may think so but I was given advice to NOT listen to my parents about a relationship I had at that age. I started to tumble and go down a path that could have killed me. The PC culture of today is gross, idiotic and dangerous. Respect your parents and you'll thank them later.

Is it? The advice originally gave me freedom but the human mind is..a strange device. If you start going against one thing from someone you should be looking up to, then what's the harm in one more, and one more and so on. Especially at a young age. Like I said, voice your opinions but listen to your parents and also talk to others near you and ask their input. Families have strong bonds and can help in these awkward situations. Strangers can help but they can also make things much worse.

Yes, one your parents were telling you their concern because of the abuse you would suffer. The other the parents are the one telling them the abuse is okay.

Think of it more as your parents telling you that you had to date that person, and not allowed not to no matter what. It’s not up for discussion, you have to date him and that is that. We don’t care that you hate him, we don’t care that this isn’t something you don’t want to do. You don’t have a choice, you are only a child. Do what we say and go out with this man!

The difference is that your parents were asserting their authority over your life. Not your body. Learn how those are VERY different things and they are not equal.

Good advice. I see people just telling this 14 year old to call child protective/child abuse services as if your mom making you wax is abusive. The only thing you can do at that age is either suck it up and just do it or continue to try to talk your mom into changing her mind. Calling CP/CA services is just going to put her and her mother into serious drama with serious consequences.

look.. the only consolation for you that i could say is that having all the hair removed will make you feel very very clean :) it's a bit of a different feeling you will get used to and most probably like.. I'm sorry it has to be imposed but that would be one benefit :)

Oh America land of the ignorant. Bless us with the dissonance to have a disconnect so profound it is perceived as terminal amnesia. Give us the right to shoot any one, & the freedom to fight against giving us health care. But DO NOT LET US GET CHEAP BULLET WOUND TREATMENT, ONLY CHEAP BULLETS.

Let me see my neighbour as the other, because it is easy to see the difference between them and me. I am not astute enough to figure out why my life actually sucks. I am to stupid to realize that the government has $7 000 000 000 000 dollars unaccounted for and misuse our money to buy $45 000 000 personal boats.Immigrants are the problem, not the people stealing 25% of my wages to fund their extravagant lifestyle. Not the people who would send me to DIE to protect their mansions. Those are the people I aspire to be. I want to be an exploiter, not exploited. I want to do to others what I hate is happening to my self. Oh did I mention we are also extremely Christian? And hypocritical? And greedy? And believe that the man in the clouds has picked us to rule the world? This is America and we think it is beautiful.