6 Constant - #5 - Fear God

Human instinct is to run from fear. Judaism teaches that fear of God is a positive motivator for greatness.

The Hebrew word yirah means both "to fear" and "to see." The essential choice of life is to open our eyes to available opportunities, and to fear the consequences of avoiding that reality.

Fear is like any other emotion – there are both positive and negative aspects. Negative fear is debilitating. Positive fear is exhilarating. The adrenaline gets the blood running in your veins. It gives you power to accomplish what you want to do. If you're walking along and spot a snake, fear propels you to run with blazing speed and hurdle the fence like an Olympian. With fear, you are out of the dream world and 100 percent into reality.

Making the right choice is a constant human struggle. We have an inclination to take the easy way out, and to ignore the coming consequences. Fear of consequences can be a great motivator in getting the job done quickly and efficiently. "To see or not to see?" – that is the Jewish question.

Full Freedom

Imagine hidden cameras monitoring your progress through life. The whole world is watching. People cheer when you succeed and boo when you fail.

With all those people staring, won't you be careful with every move? Won't your motivation to succeed increase tremendously?

Walk with a constant awareness of God. Everything is recorded on videotape. Are we maximizing life's opportunity, or are we wasting it? One day we'll have to answer for our actions.

That fear can motivate you to greatness.

Unfortunately, human nature is to become distracted. Each of us has a self-doubting inclination, called the Yetzer Hara. It's like a vicious dog, always threatening you: "You're overextending yourself. You'll have a nervous breakdown and fall apart." We hesitate to act because we're frightened by his threats.

Fear of God is the key to all accomplishment in this world.

Fear of God gives you full freedom. Nothing will stand in your way. The dog is insignificant compared to fear of God. You just push right ahead. You're free from all other fears. You have turned yourself into a pure conduit for the will of God.

Fear of God is the means to acquire all other mitzvot, and the key to everything we want to accomplish in this world. So what's holding us back?

Consider the following four myths:

Myth #1 – Fear Is Painful

On one hand, people say that fear is uncomfortable and threatening. We structure our lives to avoid it. On the other hand, people ride roller coasters and watch horror movies – paying good money to get scared out of their wits!

How do we understand this contradiction?

It's a mistake to think that fear is painful. Yes, fear is uncomfortable, but it delivers great pleasure. When they shove you out of the airplane before the parachute opens, you forget all the nonsense of this world. The brush with death makes you appreciate how good it is to be alive. You're plugged into reality. Suddenly life is a thrill!

Counteract the discomfort of fear by focusing on the positive side – every moment is lived with awareness and excitement. Gather your powers. Use your potential. Be motivated by fear. It is thrilling to be afraid!

Go to an amusement park and watch people getting off the roller coaster. Everyone's giggling for the first block: "It's great to be alive." By the second block, they're getting more serious as they begin to remember their problems. By the third block, they're into petty nonsense, back to their old depressed selves...

Life is boring without fear. Notice how "successful" people inevitably look for new risky ventures. It may be a risky financial investment, or it may be hang-gliding lessons.

The key to getting the most out of life? Feel like you're constantly getting off the roller coaster.

Myth #2 – Fear Is Paralyzing

People think that fear is paralyzing and reduces your potential.

Actually, the opposite is true. Fear can generate super-human feats. We've all heard stories about a mother who picked up a car to save her child trapped underneath. Facing fear is empowering. It gives you strength you never knew you had.

Fear is only damaging when you run away and don't confront it.

Imagine watching bullies beat someone up, and you just stand by watching. You'll wince every time you think about it. If you don't face the fear and stand up for what's right, you'll suffer that experience for the rest of your life.

But if you face the bullies and they back down (or even if you fight and get a little bloody), you'll enjoy that moment for the rest of your life. You were afraid, but you stood up. You did the right thing. That's true pleasure.

Better to try and fail, than to have feared to try.

"Shock" debilitates, "fear" motivates. Imagine a cowboy riding a bucking bronco. The fear of being tossed makes him alert to every move, so his response can be accurate and quick.

Try to be the same way with life.

Avoiding the Challenge

Too often, we miss an opportunity to excel because we say: "I can't. It's too much effort." For example, imagine you're asked to memorize one page of the phone book in 24 hours. "Impossible!" you say.

But what if you're held hostage and they say: "If you don't memorize one page of the phone book by tomorrow night, you're dead." No question you'll do it!

Here's a practical example. Do you want to get out of bed in the morning with a bang? Sure, but it's too much effort. How about if I come with a gun every morning? You'll get up with a bang, no problem!

Now how much would you pay to wake up like that every day for the rest of your life? $5,000? $10,000? You really want to get up that way! So come on! Let's go!

Take advantage of the power of fear as a tool to tackle all your "I can'ts." Make a list of these "I can'ts" and put a price tag on them. What is the reward, and what is the consequence? Having this clarity will turn you into a very effective human being.

Myth #3 – Fear Means Loss of Freedom

People avoid fear because in order to preserve independence. We think if there's an outside force telling us what to do, we'll be intimidated into becoming a robot. We'd rather choose to do the right thing on our own.

Fear of the Almighty is different. When you fear violating God's word, that frees your potential. Why? Because God doesn't want to control you, He only wants what's good for you. So fear of God becomes freedom from nonsense, from silly fears, from pettiness. With fear of God, you're free from all other fears in the world.

With fear of God, you're free from all other fears in the world.

Fear is only enslaving when someone else is purposefully trying to be fearsome and controlling. But fear of reality – the possibility of missed opportunities – is a motivation to get us where we want to be. We all say: "I want to be good, but I don't want to make the effort." Fear motivates you to get the job done.

At work, you know that if you don't show up, you'll get fired. So you get out of bed early. Fear of failing a test makes you study harder. In the end, this fear helps you succeed and have more self-respect.

We all want greatness. We want to be tough, disciplined, organized. Fear leaves you unencumbered. For the right amount of money or for survival, you will do whatever it takes to succeed.

Myth #4 – Fear Is Demeaning

People think that if a certain act is right, you should do it because it's right, not out of fear of consequences. It seems demeaning to respond based on fear.

Ideally, we should all do the right thing simply because it's right, and avoid what's wrong, irrespective of the consequences. Indeed, the Sages say that someone who serves God only for reward, or to avoid punishment, is on a lower level. He's only serving himself. If the evil forces could pay more, he'd be loyal to them!

So why is there a special mitzvah to acquire fear? Shouldn't we get full motivation from love of God?

Yes, someone who serves God out of love is on a much higher level. And we should strive to do the right thing because it's right, not because it will "get you to heaven." But we have to be realistic as well. Love is often insufficient motivation to do good. As long as you will march faster and do the right thing by getting paid $100,000, it's better to take the money and do the right thing!

Suppose there was a program to help bring homeless people into the community shelter. Ideally, you would do this for free. But if you were offered $100 for every homeless person, did the reward "corrupt" you? No. It just gave you a stronger motivation for doing what you already knew was right.

And there's an added consideration as well. Hopefully, acting out of fear will eventually lead you to do the right thing out of love.

The Pain Reflex

Everyone is born with the ability to sense pain. If we're stuck with a pin or burned by fire, our hand jumps back instinctively. But some people are born without a pain response. They feel nothing if their hand is put into fire.

Sure, it's nice not to feel pain. But someone who feels no pain is in constant danger. He's black and blue all the time. He puts his hand in the fire and says, "You smell something burning? Hey! It's my hand!" But he's in trouble, the hand is gone already.

Pain is essential to our survival. And that's the purpose of fear of God, of keeping ultimate consequences clearly in mind. It's not the goal in life, but a means to an end. It helps us think twice before we insult someone or yell at our parents.

Imagine you're speaking to someone and he starts spewing filthy gossip. You know it's wrong to listen, so you ponder, "Maybe I'll just politely stand here for a few minutes..." But if someone is ready to smack you on the head with a baseball bat for gossiping, you'll immediately say, "I'm getting outta here!" You don't make calculations. You just do the right thing.

Fear of punishment is like a pain reflex. It keeps us from doing things that will cause us harm later on. It gets you where you want to be.

Here are five steps to help achieve that crucial goal.

Step #1 – Expand Your World

Sit back and think of how much pleasure this world has to offer. The pleasure of eyesight, the joy of children, the wonders of nature. Think about the invigoration of swimming, skiing, art, music, literature.

Now consider the pleasure achieved by someone who lives every moment to the fullest, through an entire lifetime. Then compare it to where we are. So many pleasures available in this world... and we're just nibbling at a tiny fraction.

The first step to appreciating rewards and consequences? Break out of your petty concept of what life has to offer. Dream your loftiest dreams and then make a plan to achieve them. Imagine what humanity could accomplish if everyone since the beginning of time lived life to the fullest. We're not even scratching the surface.

We're sleepwalking through life.

Step #2 – Avoid Unnecessary Pain

Realize that the potential for pain in this world eclipses the potential for pleasure. There is war, disease, tragedy. Consider those who went through the Holocaust, who witnessed evil ruling the world and felt powerless to stop it.

God forbid if someone loses a child. The heartbreak is unimaginable. There is no possible pleasure that can make up for that pain.

Depressing? The point is to become motivated. When you're aware of all the possible pain, then you are more eager to know: What can I do to avoid it?

Step #3 – Avoid Eternal Pain

The first two steps deal with pleasure and pain that the body experiences in this world.

Step three is to realize that the pain of the soul is far more devastating. One moment in Gehenom (the purifying stage of afterlife) is more painful than all the combined pain of this world. Because it is not transitory like the body; it is eternal.

The shame that the soul feels from one transgression is worse than all the pain of this world.

The shame and regret that the soul feels from one transgression is far worse than all the pain of this world. One act of getting angry, or hurting someone, or being depressed, or wasting time... is a relentless eternity of pain.

Now extrapolate this to the big transgressions – murder, or desecrating God's Name. The pain of such Gehenom is unimaginable.

Step #4 – The Reward of One Mitzvah

Now for some good news. The pain of Gehenom is nothing compared to the reward of one mitzvah. In other words, if you experienced the pain of all the Gehenom of every person since the beginning of time, it would still be worth it to gain the reward of one mitzvah.

There are thousands of possible mitzvot. Did you say "Good morning" with a smile, or have a moment of sincere prayer? The reward is mind-boggling. You're eternally bound with the ultimate pleasure of God.

Beyond this are the big mitzvot, like learning Torah, or sanctifying God's Name. Or the super-big mitzvah of mezakeh et harabim – "bringing merit to the masses" – where you influence others and share the reward of their mitzvot.

Step #5 – Doing The Will of God

The ultimate reward is using your free will to do the will of God.

Imagine trying to save the life of your child. This value makes everything else pale in comparison. If someone asked, "How much will it cost to save my child?" you'd know there is something wrong with this person.

Similarly, being motivated to connect to God – based solely on reward and punishment – shows a lack of understanding. The value of doing God's will is, ultimately, the only true value in existence. Because it is a total connection to God.

All of the reward of the World to Come, all that belongs to all the righteous people who ever lived, is nothing compared to doing the will of our Creator, of making a difficult choice solely because that's what God wants you to do.

That is the ultimate meaning. That is living in reality.

The Powerful Time of Tefillin

In order to absorb this reality, you need to practice these steps – not once, not twice, but thousands of times.

Maimonides writes (Laws of Tefillin 4:25) that whenever a Jew wears Tefillin on his head and arm, the force of holiness is so great that it transports him into a state of "fearing God."

That's why the best time to review our five steps is when you put on Tefillin:

There's so much pleasure we haven't tasted in this world. How do we go about getting it?

The tragedies of this world eclipse all the pleasures.

The eternal regret and shame for the slightest transgression, is far more than all the combined tragedies of this world.

All the Gehenom deserved by every person who ever lived, is nothing compared to the reward for doing one mitzvah.

All the Heaven deserved by every person who ever lived, is nothing compared to doing the will of God.

Go through these steps when putting on Tefillin, and again before taking them off. You'll be living in a different stratosphere... called "reality."

If You Want Fear of God, You'll Get It

The Talmud says: "Everything is in the hands of heaven – except for fear of God." Fear of God is completely up to us. If you want it, you've got it.

But there's a question on this point. In our daily prayers we say, vi'ti'tain lanu chaim she'yesh bahem yirat shamayim v'yirat chet. We specifically ask the Almighty to give us "fear of God." But if "fear of God" is in our hands, why do we ask God to give it?

The answer is that everything, of course, depends on the Almighty. We can't lift a finger without God. With most things, you can yearn deeply and still not attain it. You can desire to be a millionaire so badly that you work 80 hours a week and stand on your head – and you can still die a pauper.

But fear of God is different. It's the only thing that, "if you really want it, you've got it." With everything else, God may evaluate that your request is not good for you. But fear of God is the one thing the Almighty won't withhold if you truly desire it, because it's the one thing that always brings you into reality. It's always good for you.

If you really want it, it's yours.

Without Fear of God, We're in Trouble

The Talmud quotes the sage Rava telling his disciples: "Don't get two portions of Gehenom."

Rashi explains Rava's intentions: If you make Torah study a purely academic pursuit, and also don't observe the mitzvot, then you'll get Gehenom twice. It's like someone who learns Talmud on Shabbat while smoking a cigar. Without fear of God, he lacks the mechanism to connect Torah to reality. And not only is he deprived of the pleasures of this world because he knocked himself out studying, but after it's all over, he loses the World to Come as well.

Now what about someone who observes the mitzvot? It's not so simple either. When a person dies, he is summoned for judgment to the heavenly court, where he is asked the following questions:

Were you honest in business?

Did you have a set time for learning every day?

Did you try to have children?

Did you yearn for the redemption?

Did you pursue wisdom and understanding?

Let's say you answer "yes" to everything. You did it all correct. But there's one last question:

Did you have fear of God?

If not, says the Talmud, you'd be better off having done nothing at all. Fear of God is a deal-breaker.

Why is that? Fear of God is your "preservative." It keeps your Torah fresh. Torah without fear of God, is like storing wheat without a preservative. The wheat rots.

The classic book "Orchot Tzaddikim" ("Paths of the Righteous") teaches that regardless of how much wisdom a person possesses, without fear of God, he is fundamentally off base. Yes, he realizes that Torah is to be lived. Yes, he's on a higher level than the one who has no connection to mitzvot at all. But he's taking it easy. He's given up on the loftier essence of Torah – loving humanity, taking responsibility for the world, striving to cleave to the Almighty. He says: "Leave me alone already. That's not for people of this generation. I'm comfortable where I am."

As he ignores the struggle to grow, a cynicism affects his entire outlook. And he begins to rot.

That's why fear of God is so crucial. It pushes you to confront these ideals, and to struggle to incorporate them into your life.

Putting it All Together

The single most important goal in life is to have clarity, to live in reality.

Remember the time you asked yourself, "What does it all add up to?" We have this moment of clarity, and then what do we do? We run for the ostrich hole, start playing tennis, put on the music, call up a friend.

Don't run for the ostrich hole. Remember that reality exists objectively – outside of your own subjective perception of it. Be afraid of waking up one morning and saying to yourself: "What did I do with my life?"

Each of us knows we will die one day. But we fool ourselves into thinking that those who die belong to a separate sector of humanity. "They are the mortal ones. We are immortal." Underneath it all, we have this illusion.

Do you really think you are going to be different? Be real! You are one of them!

We all have a clock ticking and don't know how long it's going to run. How many years do you figure you have left? Don't think it's open-ended. Someday you will have only one year left. And someday you will have only one day left. So plan for it now. As the Sages say: "Put your life on track one day before you die."

Some Jews have the custom of visiting their future burial plots once a year, usually before Rosh Hashana. Why? It's not morbidity. It makes the point clear: "I am mortal, and this is where I'll end up. So what do I want written on my tombstone?"

Be real with the consequences of life. You don't need a roller coaster. All you have to do is remember that the Almighty is watching you, every moment of every day. And when a person dies and goes to heaven, the judgment is not arbitrary and externally imposed. Rather, every decision and every thought, all the good deeds, and the embarrassing things a person did in private is all replayed without embellishment. That's why the next world is called Olam HaEmet, "the World of Truth," because there we clearly see our strengths and shortcomings, and the true purpose of life.

Carry that fear with you always, and use it as a positive motivator for greatness. It's a constant struggle, but the reward is eternal.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 19

(19)
Lucy,
June 25, 2012 2:06 AM

Treasures for Life

I came across aish.com by accident. The articles are so great to simplify ways to practice or put into action concepts that should be solid within

(18)
Arthur,
May 3, 2010 6:03 PM

Amazing article. Every time I read one of his article, i feel speechless.

(17)
grant,
September 1, 2008 9:55 PM

Is the begining of wisdom.

fear

(16)
Victor Silva Ravin,
January 29, 2007 3:39 AM

New Vision

Tank You so much I have a new vision of my life

(15)
TIM,
August 7, 2006 12:00 AM

GREAT MOTIVATOR

It is great to read articles that bring to surface what we should be living on a daily basis.

(14)
Wesley,
March 7, 2003 12:00 AM

Achieving 'reality'

Thank you! The five steps to achieving 'reality' are sure to be included in my daily practice from now on.

(13)
amponsah samuel,
January 12, 2003 12:00 AM

doing a very great job,the world needs true wisdom

(12)
JIM MATTHEWS,
November 13, 2002 12:00 AM

AWESOME.....

THANK YOU....

(11)
Anonymous,
November 10, 2002 12:00 AM

Comprehensive list of the components of fear

I am in the process of compiling a current resource/reference list on the topic of fear. Ultimately it will be part of a book addressing adult fear of the water, also in progress. This article is wonderfully comprehensive; and I'm sure I will be writing to ask permission to include some of the material-- as well as using it in the references section.

One of my special objectives is in working with women who are afraid of the water, and who also necessarily must go IN the water every month as part of Taharas Hamishpacha. The program is about 25 in the running, and ihs highly successful, requiring only one-- and less often-- two sessions to alleviate or eliminate the problem.

So, thank you for this guide and I hope to be able to broaden its benefits in the community by bringing its wisdom to more people, moving forward with the book and the program.

(10)
Anne Levine,
July 15, 2002 12:00 AM

Thank you

I look forward to your e-mail .I am learrning so much.Thank you for all the great thoughts that you write.You are beginning to change my life.

(9)
Avraham yITZCHAK,
January 23, 2002 12:00 AM

wOW!

I stumbled upon this piece and sat riveted at the end of my work-at-home day. Baruch Hashem! I will pass this on to all, my children and wife and all those who are on the path of righteousness.

Amen

(8)
,
October 27, 2001 12:00 AM

Excellent

Enjoyed the article, very enligthening with good instructions.

(7)
Helen Stanbro,
July 11, 2001 12:00 AM

"fear" is unfortunate translation

I think part of the trouble for English
speakers is the translation of "yirah" as "fear." English has a bigger lexicon
than Hebrew and so the richness of the
single Hebrew word is lost by restricting it to one English synonym, and conversely, the limited meaning of
the English synonym can create a narrow
view of what is meant by the Hebrew word. In this case, "fear" usually has only a negative connotation and we normally think that there should be no reason to fear someone who is good and loving. Presenting G_d as someone to be feared makes us think of G_d as a tyrant or harsh judge who is going to hurt us.
Maybe "awe" or even "respect" would be a better word. It is easy to recognize the feeling one has when one is in the presence of a great person--a famous surgeon or a renowned professor or a gifted artist. We don't "fear" such people in the sense of expecting to be hurt by them unless we do and say exactly the right thing, yet we deeply want to do and say the right thing because the eminent person deserves our best effort. We would be ashamed and saddened to disappoint such a person and we would never want him or her to see us doing anything shabby or disgusting. We would feel humble in their presence and be anxious to please them, not in a grovelling and subservient way but just as the natural response to their excellence. If they requested something of us, it would be our delight to do it, and if they wanted a relationship to us, we would feel unworthy but honored. We would dread losing or damaging the relationship, but that kind of "fear" is not fear of the person himself/herself. I imagine this posture of humble respect and loving eagerness to please is part of the "yirah" we should feel before G_d. We may fear disappointing or alienating G_d by our failings, but we don't fear G_d in the usual sense (the way we would fear a robber or psychotic killer or brutal enemy soldier). Unfortunately, English doesn't seem to have a single word that I can think of that combines these concepts (awe of G_d and dread of offending G_d). Perhaps an image familiar to English speakers would be the episode from the children's fantasy story "Wind in the Willow" by Kenneth Grahame in which the Rat and the Mole meet the woodland "god" Pan who has saved a lost baby hedgehog. They are overcome with deep emotion, and when the Mole asks the Rat if he is afraid, the Rat says, "Afraid of Him? Oh, never! And yet, O Mole, I am afraid!" We all know the feeling, but alas, we lack a name for it in English.

(6)
sarit schussheim,
July 8, 2001 12:00 AM

i was very enjoyed reading your article. my english(as you will see) is not so good;but i want to say that i feel a little beet soory that this strong and meeningfool words not exist in hebrew. i am a teacher in high school in gush etzion and i feel that you treat the subject very good for my students and also for me. thank you and good luck. sarit.

(5)
Eleanor Briere,
July 7, 2001 12:00 AM

Read Daily

I love the clarity, read this article until it is menorized by the heart and put into full practice.

(4)
Tim Wood,
July 5, 2001 12:00 AM

Heavenly

The Fear of which was spoken in the article not only potentially can change my life but actually does. Thank you for the clear reminder.

(3)
Johnny Berger,
July 4, 2001 12:00 AM

Sorrow is better than laughter

Yes it might seem strange or morbid to some to visit your burial plot before you die, but it agrees with what King Solomon wrote in the book of Ecclesiastes, that it is better to go to a home where there is mourning than to one where there is a party, because the living should always remind themselves that death is waiting for us all. Sorrow is better than laughter; it may sadden your face, but it sharpens your understanding. Someone who is always thinking about happiness is a fool. A wise person thinks about death. Maybe that's why I like to read books about the Holocaust.

(2)
Anonymous,
July 1, 2001 12:00 AM

Beautiful

I must say that I REALLY enjoyed reading your article. It really got the point across.. Everyone should read it and really take it to heart. They should ask why they pray that Hashem to help "Shivisi Hashem LeNegdi Tamid (HaShem should be before me always)" apply to them and everyone else.

(1)
Tom and Julie Tompkins,
July 1, 2001 12:00 AM

Love your newsletters!

Julie and I love your newsletters and appreciate and respect Israel as God's chosen people. You are a great blessing! Keep up the good work!

Since honey is produced by bees, and bees are not a kosher species, how can honey be kosher?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Talmud (Bechoros 7b) asks your very question! The Talmud bases this question on the principle that “whatever comes from a non-kosher species is non-kosher, and that which comes from something kosher is kosher.”

So why is bee-honey kosher? Because even though bees bring the nectar into their bodies, the resultant honey is not a 'product' of their bodies. It is stored and broken down in their bodies, but not produced there. (see Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 81:8)

By the way, the Torah (in several places such as Exodus 13:5) praises the Land of Israel as "flowing with milk and honey." But it may surprise you to know that the honey mentioned in the verse is actually referring to date and fig honey (see Rashi there)!

In 1809, a group of 70 disciples of the great Lithuanian sage the Vilna Gaon, arrived in Israel, after traveling via Turkey by horse and wagon. The Vilna Gaon set out for the Holy Land in 1783, but for unknown reasons did not attain his goal. However he inspired his disciples to make the move, and they became pioneers of modern settlement in Israel. (A large contingent of chassidic Jews arrived in Tzfat around the same time.) The leader of the 1809 group, Rabbi Israel of Shklov, settled in Tzfat, and six years later moved to Jerusalem where he founded the modern Ashkenazic community. The early years were fraught with Arab attacks, earthquakes, and a cholera epidemic. Rabbi Israel authored, Pe'at Hashulchan, a digest of the Jewish agricultural laws relating to the Land of Israel. (He had to rewrite the book after the first manuscript was destroyed in a fire.) The location of his grave remained unknown until it was discovered in Tiberias, 125 years after his death. Today, the descendants of that original group are amongst the most prominent families in Jerusalem.

When you experience joy, you feel good because your magnificent brain produces hormones called endorphins. These self-produced chemicals give you happy and joyful feelings.

Research on these biochemicals has proven that the brain-produced hormones enter your blood stream even if you just act joyful, not only when you really are happy. Although the joyful experience is totally imaginary and you know that it didn’t actually happen, when you speak and act as if that imaginary experience did happen, you get a dose of endorphins.

These chemicals are naturally produced by your brain. They are totally free and entirely healthy.

Many people find that this knowledge inspires them to create more joyful moments. It’s not just an abstract idea, but a physical reality.

Occasionally, when I walk into an office, the receptionist greets me rudely. Granted, I came to see someone else, and a receptionist's disposition is immaterial to me. Yet, an unpleasant reception may cast a pall.

A smile costs nothing. Greeting someone with a smile even when one does not feel like smiling is not duplicity. It is simply providing a pleasant atmosphere, such as we might do with flowers or attractive pictures.

As a rule, "How are you?" is not a question to which we expect an answer. However, when someone with whom I have some kind of relationship poses this question, I may respond, "Not all that great. Would you like to listen?" We may then spend a few minutes, in which I unburden myself and invariably begin to feel better. This favor is usually reciprocated, and we are both thus beneficiaries of free psychotherapy.

This, too, complies with the Talmudic requirement to greet a person in a pleasant manner. An exchange of feelings that can alleviate someone's emotional stress is even more pleasant than an exchange of smiles.

It takes so little effort to be a real mentsch.

Today I shall...

try to greet everyone in a pleasant manner, and where appropriate offer a listening ear.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...