A Silent Version

When I was young and unemployed, I hated leaf blowers.

I lived in a rented house downtown, and all of the surrounding apartments and houses had lawn care services with gas-powered leaf blowers. Not being tied to a work schedule, leaf blowers provided a rude awakening. I hated them. They are noisy and dusty. I was even on the bandwagon to have them banned from downtown Sacramento.

You can probably guess how this story ends. I got a job and started waking up at 7 instead of 10:30. Problem solved. It does seem, however, as if there is a market for quieter leaf blowers, as well as for other machinery and products.

Here are my suggestions:

Microwave Oven
For some reason, every microwave oven uses a really loud beeping keypad and a "finished!" alarm. Our current Emerson oven is awesome, but it beeps three times when it is done. Why would I need that? To alert me from the barn that my pot roast is finally finished cooking?

No. I don't need an alarm at all. If the microwave simply stopped its whirring, I'd know it was finished, and if that wasn't enough of an auditory clue, I know when three minutes is up because that's when Flipping Out is back on.

Fireworks
Fireworks almost always combine a lightshow with whistles and pops. Some focus more on the sound, e.g. Piccolo Petes, but I don't know of any which hold back the volume.

But, not everyone wants loud fireworks. People with dogs or young children might enjoy getting outside with some fireworks with little or no sound.

Leaf blowers
If it is possible to build an electric fan which can move an entire house full of air in 5 minutes, It seems like it is also possible to build a quiet leaf blower.

Product: Cell Phones I want a cell phone with an ACTUALLY silent ringer that vibrates silently. A lot of phones have a vibrator which is
louder than their soft ring!

ParaguayTuesday 08th of September 2009 12:23 am

Product: Garbage Trucks Akin to your leafblower comment, garbage trucks were the bane of my life - not just when I worked odd hours, but even
now when I get up at 7am. The garbage truck comes by some time between 6 and 7 in the morning, and isn't designed for
quiet work.
Running the truck with a quieter energy source is quite possible, but how can the sound of many smashing bottles be
silenced?

ItalyTuesday 08th of September 2009 1:14 am

Product: CD/DVD Drives in Computers Although I'm sure quieter models are available, my particular dvd-rom drive sounds like it's attempting to take off
and fly out of the room whenever it spins the disc up..
-Simon, Norwich

United KingdomTuesday 08th of September 2009 1:15 am

Product: Electric razor I *hate* having to hold a loud, buzzing, uncomfortable device against my face every morning!

AustraliaTuesday 08th of September 2009 2:06 am

Product: clock I used to have a bedside clock that would beep every time you pushed one of the buttons, such as setting the time, etc.
The problem was it would also beep loudly when you pushed the button to illuminate the display at night. I solved that
problem by opening it up and cutting the wires to the beeper.

AustriaTuesday 08th of September 2009 2:55 am

Product: Emergency Vehicles I live next door to an ambulance station, and I am constantly being woken up by sirens.

United KingdomTuesday 08th of September 2009 3:33 am

Product: Motorcycles This is more of a rant than a "there should be a way to make them quieter". I despise loud motorcycles, especially
since I know most of them could be significantly quieter with a proper muffler. When I see a motorcyclist with a quieter
(car-like in volume) ride, I'm extra respectful and share the road better. Motorcycles are great... why must so many
make people make theirs terrible?

St. Vincent & The GrenadinesTuesday 08th of September 2009 4:32 am

Product: Re: Microwaves Our microwave does have an option to turn off the beeps. The last one we had was very loud, and putting it in silent
mode was a necessity. The new one is not as obnoxious, and we leave its beep on so we can use the timer function.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 4:42 am

Product: Toilet Mostly for when I'm on the phone. And not just the flushing noise, but that tinkle sound as you go.

WalesTuesday 08th of September 2009 4:54 am

Product: The Human Ear. I hate the way they create a constant ringing sound at night while I attempt to sleep, especially after a crazy loud
gig. Man, there should be some kind of filter for that sort of thing!
My wife says she can't hear a thing, but I don't believe her. She does a lot of talking, so is never listening
anyway...

AustraliaTuesday 08th of September 2009 5:49 am

Product: those annoying car stereos that play at 150dB I would love it if someone invented a way to keep the insanely loud boom-boom-boom of some player's stereo confined
within his/her car. Let them enjoy their music, but enjoy it to yourself!! Better yet, how about a remote that one
could carry that, when pointed in the direction of the offending vehicle and activated, would turn the volume down to a
reasonable level?

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 5:58 am

Product: Fan I have an electric fan which beeps when you turn it on or change the setting. Why? You know it is "on" when you feel
wind from it, and "off" when, surprise, there is no wind.

TaiwanTuesday 08th of September 2009 6:42 am

Product: The space shuttle That thing is really loud - not at first, though. From the viewing station you see the pretty rocket engines pushing it
into outer space but sit there in silence and just about the time you think -hey, shouldn't there be a loud rocket-y
sound you almost get knocked over by the noise... I think with the engineers they have NASA could make it quieter.

MozambiqueTuesday 08th of September 2009 6:43 am

Product: Lawnmowers and leaf blowers I have an electric lawnmower... much quieter.
Leaf blowers should be banned outright. Lawnmower use should be restricted to:
1) Friday evening before 7.
2) Saturday midday between 9am and 2pm.
I hate the constant buzz and whine all day long. I am a home owner, and I work from home.

GermanyTuesday 08th of September 2009 6:44 am

Product: Women No comment necessary

Saudi ArabiaTuesday 08th of September 2009 6:45 am

Product: Trucks backing up I'm pretty sure you can hear a diesel engine backing up without additional help. MY G-D! SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP! NO
ONE IS BEHIND THE TRUCK! Or maybe use proximity sensors like in fancy cars so the INSIDE of the truck will beep when
something is behind it.

Product: Politicians They scream about all the things that they are going to get done, though nothing ever happens.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:34 am

Product: soaps soaps

MauritiusTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:51 am

Product: Toaster I used to have a toaster that would beep when the toast was finished. This was in addition to the even louder mechanical
clank resulting from the ejector mechanism. I put up with it for about 25 years.

Antigua & BarbudaTuesday 08th of September 2009 8:38 am

Product: Buses The buses in my area are so loud that to use headphones you have to turn up your music to an obnoxious and deafening
level. Other quiet transit is possible, for example light rail, so I'd guess electric buses could be a lot quieter.

QatarTuesday 08th of September 2009 8:51 am

Product: Birds Every year while growing up, this stupid, horny bird would sit in a tree RIGHT OUTSIDE MY WINDOW and start chirping like
an idiot beginning about an hour before the sun came up! You would think that after a few days of absolutely no
response, he would give up and find a new place to pick up chicks, right? WRONG!!!!! Add to that the fact that my job
ended at about 2:00 AM, this sucked!!

SpainTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:10 am

Product: Air conditioning Air conditioning in hotel rooms is very often a pain, because you need to keep it on to keep the room cool but at the
same time they are quite noisy so it's difficult to sleep.

FranceTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:12 am

Product: Velcro Velcro needs to be quiet

IrelandTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:19 am

Product: re: fireworks There are fireworks (at least in Oregon) with "quiet" on the label. I know because my 4yo daughter freaks out over
loud sounds and I was buying nothing but silent stuff like sparklers when I came across a "quiet" label on a huge
fountain thing. The people in the roadside stand don't sell too many because they had to look up the price (while
giving me a "what are ya, a pussy?!" look)

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:25 am

Product: Hulk Roller Coaster at Universal Studios Orlando My family is moving because of the light and noise pollution generated by our neighbor, Universal Studios. Now, mind
you, they are three miles away, but it is never dark (24 hr lights) & they run the Hulk roller coaster from 4 AM to
midnight every day. That roller coaster is engineered to be extra loud and make a roaring sound. I can hear it in my
house with all the windows & doors shut.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:27 am

Product: Fridges I used to live in an apartment with the kitchen right next to the living room. Any time I would watch a movie, I would
have to crank the volume whenever the fridge compressor turned on.

Product: Babies Oh man, I got one of these little noisemakers coming and I'm hoping they invent a silent version soon, hell even just a
snooze button, one that doesn't involve chloroform or opium I mean.

ScotlandTuesday 08th of September 2009 10:31 am

Product: Babies. I agree. Babies are too noisy. Luckily I've discovered that rum or vodka helps with a noisy baby... not to give the
baby, but for myself.

Product: Microwaves I actually have a microwave with a dial on it. It doesn't beep buzz or anything. It just turns off when it's done.
the problem with this is it also doesn't do anything except off or on. No power levels, no ability to set it to come
on at a certain time (The microwaves at my old job could do that, though I have no idea why you'd want to do it.) So
most people probably wouldn't like it

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 10:42 am

Product: Elliptical trainer I bought a particular model of elliptical trainer because I liked how quiet it is when you're running on it. What I
don't like is that doing anything with it (starting running, stopping running, pushing a button to change resistance or
incline) results in an obnoxiously loud beeping noise from the electronics. Makes exercising in the morning difficult
without waking my wife.

BelarusTuesday 08th of September 2009 11:41 am

Product: Digital Cameraas Point n Shoot cameras come by default with all sorts of beeping and booping and fake shutter noises and whatnot. First
thing I do when I borrow a camera is turn that off. (I turn it on before returning, because they probably would have to
ask the manual how to do so)

SwazilandTuesday 08th of September 2009 11:46 am

Product: Garbage Trucks and School Busses I live at the end of a dead end street, those bastards with the back up beeping noise drive me nuts! The garbage trucks
start at 5am three days a week and the busses come at 7 and 830! LAME!

LesothoTuesday 08th of September 2009 12:31 pm

Product: Ants The ants. They just won't shut up. They come into the kitchen and talk to me. They tell me to do things. Bad
things. "Hey Pete!" they say. "Go to Cockeyed.com. Read about hijinx." Or sometimes, "ohhh, defective yeti has
some new content about why there is no new content. Go read that. It's sure to be witty" And then there are the ant
parties. So loud. Can you make help for me?

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 12:57 pm

Product: School Buses School buses suck! They are so loud!

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 1:19 pm

Product: Ants I agree, those mother-f***ers need to shut the h*** up!!

AfghanistanTuesday 08th of September 2009 1:20 pm

Product: Crack Heads OK, it's the first of the month and she smoked all of your crack rock. We get it. No need to go on for hours and hours
about it.
Maybe someone can invent a flag that crack heads can hold up in the air between 10pm and 8 am to signal that the ho has
smoked all of the yayo.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 1:40 pm

Product: Tornado sirens. There's one of these on the school right behind my house and also right across the road from my office. They are so ...
oh, wait.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 2:22 pm

Product: vacuums Vacuums annoy me to no end. Not sure why....They don't even have to be loud; all vacuums make a noise that just annoy
the crap out of me.

UkraineTuesday 08th of September 2009 3:53 pm

Product: Airplanes I live near a large international airport, and all hours of the day and night they are flying overhead... every. three.
minutes.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 4:07 pm

Product: Robots - Bionic Mockingbirds, to be exact. I'm well versed in what a biological mockingbird sounds like. A few years back I
ran into a bionic one that ruined my sleep between 1 and 10AM for a couple of years. Shrieking came complete with a
repertoire of car alarms. So I unfortunately had to 'dissasmbled' him...

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 4:33 pm

Product: Leaf Blower Hey Rob,
They do make quieter leaf blowers, but they cost more. Its like used car seats, people won't get rid of them and pass
them onto the next person even if their is a safety recall.

ChinaTuesday 08th of September 2009 5:27 pm

Product: Jon Gosselin His douchey whining is driving me to drink.

UkraineTuesday 08th of September 2009 5:34 pm

Product: Magic Chef Magic Chef offers a microwave that has an option for complete silence. I love it and would never buy another microwave.

AfghanistanTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:14 pm

Product: Victims They won't just stop screaming. I had to soundproof my basement eventually, just to keep the neighbors happy. I mean,
if I knew they were gonna make so much damn noise, I wouldn't have even bothered grabbing them at their high school
cheer practice.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:14 pm

Product: Kanye West Yeah, I said it.

United StatesTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:17 pm

Product: Children All children should be required to wear a shock collar in public. All adults, as soon as they turn 21, will be issued a
remote control. As soon as any three adults within 50 feet press their remote control, the child is shocked. Each
collar will also have a vibrating warning as soon as one adult hits the button, so any non-offending children within
range will help out.

AfghanistanTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:46 pm

Product: Doorbells Doorbells need a "do not disturb" setting that will disable the chime for 4 hours before re-enabling the button after
my nap.

BurundiTuesday 08th of September 2009 7:47 pm

Product: TVs Who listens to TVs, anyway? All you need are the pretty pictures.

UruguayTuesday 08th of September 2009 9:00 pm

Product: Reason Telling me I'm all wrong and stuff, all hours of all days. Zesus!

Product: Electric toothbrush There is nothing like waking up and shoving a loud motorized device into your mouth, it also ends up sounding a lot
louder than it actually is because it is in your head.
Also I wish my neighbour had a quieter lawn mower, they cut their lawn every other day and spend hours at it, stopping
to pick weeds but leaving the mower running.

CanadaTuesday 08th of September 2009 10:31 pm

Product: Leaf blowers I think leaf blowers should be outlawed. The cleaner at my apartment complex leaf-blows the outside areas, but he
doesn't pick up the leaves afterwards, so they blow straight back into the carefully cleared area. Leaf blowers are
terrible from an environmental point of view, and more often than not, the user could do with the exercise provided by a
good old-fashioned broom!

Trinidad & TobagoTuesday 08th of September 2009 10:43 pm

Product: Electric Cars... opposite problem People are complaining that Electric cars are TOO quiet. Pedestrians are almost getting run over because they don't
realize the electric car is about to back over them.
My solution for this is to equip each electric car with the cool sounds that all flying cars made in the Jetson's
cartoons... but not too loud.
That would be AWESOME!

JapanTuesday 08th of September 2009 11:56 pm

Product: Fireworks & X-Boxes Fireworks do not need a silent version. The loud noise is part of the design & has been a part of it since day one,
centuries ago. However, for those that don't like the noise you can still watch on television. It's just as pretty,
not noisy & you probably have a better view.
Microwaves on the other hand need to shut up, along with just about anything that requires a cooling fan.

ChinaWednesday 09th of September 2009 1:27 am

Product: Hovercraft Hovercraft

HungaryWednesday 09th of September 2009 1:59 am

Product: Electric toothbrushes and razors? I understand some comments, but if you detest the sound of your electric toothbrush or razor, there's are clear
alternatives available. Sheesh.

Burma (Myanmar)Wednesday 09th of September 2009 7:03 am

Product: trains My little one's bedtime is 8:00. A train is bound to pass one minute before he is sound asleep, whatever time that may
be.
When my wife and I bought the house we remarked how nice the sound of a distant train was. At some point in the last
three years they installed a new horn that is like 2 billion times louder.

United StatesWednesday 09th of September 2009 7:29 am

Product: A agree: microwaves The microwave we have here in my workplace will beep when it's done, then a little beep every 30 seconds afterwards to
keep reminding you it's done....beep...hello?...beep remember me, the microwave?....beep...I'm a lonely lonely
microwave, please come visit me..
This is annoying because coworkers always nuke something then go off on an errand, and leave the microwave beeping.

AustraliaWednesday 09th of September 2009 7:32 am

Product: Kids toys Just about every toy that requires batteries is too freakin' loud. I know that the fire engine needs to go "weeooo
weeooo," but not at 110 dB. My kids are all going to be deaf before they reach puberty.

United Arab EmiratesWednesday 09th of September 2009 8:24 am

Product: people who complain about loud motorcycles Have you ever heard the saying "loud pipes save lives"? Maybe some motorcyclists use loud pipes to alert drivers that
there is a motorcycle near them and that they need to stop texting and look where the f**k they are going.

United StatesWednesday 09th of September 2009 11:39 am

Product: Electric coffeeposts I realize the purpose of coffee is to wake you up, but I have an alarm clock for that. Can't the coffeepot make coffee
without all that hissing and gurgling?

GermanyWednesday 09th of September 2009 11:39 am

Product: Farts I mean, aren't they bad enough already?

BelgiumWednesday 09th of September 2009 11:43 am

Product: Stereos. Specifically, the stereo of my neighbor on the other side of the wall. I can hear the highs and the bass, and I know
every single song he plays. It's like listening to the radio, but not being able to control when it's turned on, up,
down, or off. Honestly, I feel like I'm surrounded on three sides by France, and on the fourth by the Mediterranean
Sea.

MonacoWednesday 09th of September 2009 1:23 pm

Product: cell phones. Mine beeps loudly when I turn it on, beeps loudly when I turn it off, etc.

Product: Toyota Prius My Prius beeps whenever the seat belts aren't clicked in the front (which is frustrating when I put my bag on the
passenger seat and the weight sets off the seat belt alarm...) And also, when the Prius is in reverse it beeps, like a
giant truck. So Annoying!

Trinidad & TobagoWednesday 09th of September 2009 2:20 pm

Product: Administrative Assistant Our Admin / Office Manager is constantly complaining about other workers, how much work she has to do, etc. A mute
button on her would be so welcome. Then she would have more time for work instead of wasting time telling people she's
so busy.

United StatesThursday 10th of September 2009 7:01 am

Product: Co-Workers Just like the Administrative Assistant, co-workers need to shut their stupid pie-holes and quit complaining. It's a
job. You do this for a living. It's how you make money. Those people over there are your bosses. They tell you what to
do. This is a business and things need to get done. We don't have time to coddle you and worry about your feelings.
Grow up and shut your face.

United StatesThursday 10th of September 2009 8:17 am

Product: Garbaeg Trucks I agree with the first comment about garbage trucks. I get up ridiculously early for a university student, often at the
crack of dawn, and am frequently awoken by garbage trucks outside my window before my alarm even goes off. This is
between 5 and 6 in the morning. REALLY? MUST YOU COLLECT GARBAGE AT 5 AM? IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?!?!?!?

AfghanistanThursday 10th of September 2009 10:35 am

Product: Car parking sensors Assume that you are never going to park closer than two feet from anything in any direction - a nice low volume beep
when I get a couple of inches away from a hidden post would be perfect.

United KingdomThursday 10th of September 2009 1:20 pm

Product: RE: Cell Phones If your phone beeps every time you turn it on or off, go into the 'settings' menu, and turn off the power on/off
tones. It will stop beeping.

United KingdomThursday 10th of September 2009 1:35 pm

Product: Rush Limbaugh need I say more?

United StatesThursday 10th of September 2009 2:12 pm

Product: Q-Tips Can someone make a quieter Q-Tip?!!! When I use those damn things all I hear is 'whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whrrimmp'.
Geesh. Ear candles might be an alternative, but I have to 'tip every day. C'mon.

ChileThursday 10th of September 2009 6:53 pm

Product: Mice! Computer mice! I recently wrote a verbose complaint to logitect regards the "click" noise their (cheapest) mouse makes. It sounds
like a retractable ballpoint being clicked on a woodblock. They assured me the development team was shown my letter,
which ends: I hope that you and your co-workers all share the deeper, collective shame of being involved in such a saga
of customer disappointment.

AustraliaThursday 10th of September 2009 9:57 pm

Product: Carpet Carpet needs to shut the eff up! Especially when its way after last call at the local bar and I'm trying ever-so-hard
to keep quiet while I sneak back into the house and into the bedroom before waking the missus. Damn loud carpet making
your whishy, whoosing noises!

United StatesFriday 11th of September 2009 10:29 am

Product: Newspaper printing press I work around one of these things and it is GOD AWFUL the amount of noise it makes. And they have to do it in the
middle of the night when I'm trying to take a nap.
Which says to me, why make a morning paper at all? Why not just have a late-morning or lunchtime paper or one to read
on the freeway as you drive home?

NigerFriday 11th of September 2009 5:24 pm

Product: Commercials There needs to be a device that will automatically mute commercials and turn the sound back on when your show starts.
They are getting dumber and dumber everyday. I'm sure there are some encoded signals in them to get the timing right,
just a silencer that reads the signal is all I want.

Product: saxophones OMG...did a cow die or something? And why is this always the most popular instrument in the band (beside those cheap
mother F*$%rs that pick drums)? I'm going to be Stan Getz! I'm going to be Charlie Parker. Someone slap that
child...who you kiddin'? You're going to sound like mating goose because you'll never practice!

ChadTuesday 15th of September 2009 4:54 pm

Product: my 2 cents hey rob. i don't know if this is actually true but i have been told that microwaves are designed such that the end of
the beeping sound signals when the microwaves have stopped bouncing around inside after the timer finishes, telling you
it is then safe to open the door

CanadaTuesday 15th of September 2009 7:07 pm

Product: Fingernails & Thumbnails Oh, what I give to keep my fingernails from making that loud rubbing noise when I'm sleeping!
Taking sandpaper to them only dulled the sound a little.
Gloves of any kind would be to uncomfortable.
P.S. Rob, you need to add Republic Of Lakotah to your list of countries. www.republicoflakotah.com
Give it a Splat!

United StatesTuesday 15th of September 2009 7:59 pm

Product: Hamster wheels Squeak squeak squeak all night.

EstoniaWednesday 16th of September 2009 8:41 am

Product: Leaf Blowers Portland Oregon now has a law that leaf blowers have to be on a pre-approved list to be able to buy and use.
Rob must have spoke his mind here in portland :) http://www.portlandonline.com/BDS/index.cfm?a=118533&c=42438

United StatesWednesday 16th of September 2009 12:20 pm

Product: Movies "Talkies" these kids call them! Ha! If the theater organ wasn't loud enough, now I have to listen to people
talking, crying, yelling...I can get that at home...why go to the theater and hear it?

RomaniaWednesday 16th of September 2009 6:08 pm

Product: Voices in my head. I wish the voices in my head were quieter. Sometimes I can't ignore them.

Product: Electric guitarists Why do the electric guitarists have to play so goddamn obnoxiously loud? They must be playing at over 100db easily - ie
litterally going deaf. Also they always crank up the distortion which makes it impossible to hear anything else than
their wall of sound, because they take up 100% of the spectrum - lows, mids and highs alike - and there are no gaps
between their power chords.

VanuatuSunday 20th of September 2009 2:24 pm

Product: Blenders I'd love a silent blender. I think there are already microwaves that do not beep when they are finished. I'm renting a
place and the microwave here does not make a sound when it's finished. I'm not sure if it's broken or if it was made
that way.

United StatesMonday 21st of September 2009 11:56 pm

Product: car locks My car will lock silently if you press the lock button the first time, then give a loud beep if you press it again. Not
all car locks are made the same. Some car locks always have to make a loud beep. are you serious. The world is filled
with loud obnoxious noises as it is, do we really need to add to them with our cars announcing 'I'm locked!'

New ZealandSaturday 26th of September 2009 8:34 am

Product: re: silently vibrating cell phones Paraguay, do you have any idea how sound works?

Product: Chainsaw Chainsaws need to be mostly or entirely silent. It is almost impossible to sneak up on someone with a revving chainsaw
motor. Your only option is to sneak up first and then try to start the engine, but it can lead to embarassing "I
spotted you" moments when your target senses you fiddling with the controls.

Antigua & BarbudaFriday 02nd of October 2009 5:51 am

Product: RE motorcyles look up the phrase loud pipes save lives

BahrainSaturday 03rd of October 2009 7:32 am

Product: plastic bags I know a silent plastic grocery bag is an impossible concept, but lord, wouldn't it be nice? The sound of crinkling
plastic makes me INSANE.

BarbadosSaturday 03rd of October 2009 4:35 pm

Product: Dryers Especially dryers that beep incessantly at the end of each 30-second cycle if you have them on anti-wrinkle mode.

United StatesSaturday 03rd of October 2009 5:41 pm

Product: Large truck brakes - "Jake Brakes" Jake Brakes should be outlawed. I love towns that have signs at the borders that disallow their use, and wish that my
town growing up had one. I lived at the end of a street with a sand & gravel pit, and the edge of my parent's property
was just the right place to start braking. With a jake brake... right in front of my bedroom. All conversation is
impossible, as is sleep.