Sunday, August 5, 2007

About the layoff

There were bouncers. Security guards. "Friends of ours," if you will. 4 of them, who all looked like this guy, in Damon Runyon suits.

I think they were disappointed no one needed to be tasered. I thought of Jerry Maguire's departure speech, and since I wasn't being laid off I should throw my comrades a bone and freak out as if I had -- not only to give Jimmy Two-Times Repozzio something to do, but to create enough of a diversion that the departing could actually lift a fax machine.

I thought if I could get my hands on a goldfish and a baggie, I would race after one of the fired like Renee Zellwegger. You had me at severance.

I told one of my teammates I would give him $100 if he approached one of the Suits (as we had named them by 10am) and ask what they were doing. $150 if he would approach them as if they were new hires, bring them some corporate swag and invite them to lunch. "So, is this where where you'l be sitting, or just temporary?"

Dodie says she would have done it no charge.

Truth is, I didn't do anything. On account of not giving a damn, and all.

2 comments:

Which is worse? Bouncers in suits trying to be inconspicuous or uniformed city police officers stationed at every entrance/exit from the office? That was the layoff of 200+ I witnessed in my boom-and-bust internet company in 2000. I'm sure no one suspected what was going on when they had to pass a cop to get to their desk, and once at their desk could not turn on their computers. Each manager was given a list of people to lay off and had to give them the bad news as a group--not even a one-on-one meeting. Then they all had to go to the giant presentation room and stand in line with the 200 others just laid off to turn in their computers, pick up a severance check for two whole weeks(!) and get escorted out individually by an HR person. I was so appalled, I quit the next day. The company folded two months later.