Since her marriage to Russell Brand, Katy Perry has taken turns emasculating him and defending her decision to marry a sex-addict, so either her vagina is lined in velvet and magic, or the PR ploy to make us think Russell Brand won’t be knuckle deep in an Elite model by Christmas is working overtime. Us Magazine reports:

On Thursday, in his first interview since wedding Perry, 25, in India last month, the British comic opened up on Loose Women, a View-like talk show on England’s ITV1 channel. “It’s just a normal marriage,” Brand, 35, claimed, offering an anecdote as proof. “The other day, I put a shirt on and she went…’You’re wearing that shirt, are you?’” Brand was initially taken aback by Perry’s command. “I thought, ‘That’s actually happening? That’s a thing off a sitcom. That happened in my actual life. I wasn’t allowed to wear it. If she says don’t wear that shirt, I don’t wear it,” he quipped, gesturing that “where i live” is under Perry’s thumb.

Wow. Russell Brand went from pulling out of a pile of chicks long enough to give them adrenaline shots to being a whipped houseboy to a cross-eyed bitch with acne. Maybe they’ll have something posted in my office break room, because I wanna sign up for that!