Tales of tragedy, woe and whimsy from the darkest corners of a garrison town. Oh and a bit about the footy and darts...

Monday, 6 September 2010

StateOfHappiness

Hello again, its Monday morning, summers officially over, rain is forecasted, the nights are starting to close in earlier with every day that passes, the financial downturn is continuing, unemployment is rising and crime rates appear to be joining it. Life is bleak and miserable and cold and grey and dead, but don’t worry as it’s the 41st Aldershot Woe: State of Happiness.

There isn’t much us Brits do well, we can make pies, play darts, drink beer and get more of our teenage girls pregnant than any other country in Europe. But put those aside and you’ll see the one area we excel in is being happy with being miserable. It’s this unique gift that has got us through the toughest times this country has faced, it got us through the blitz, the Thatcher years, Noels House Party and it gets us through every single international football tournament. We are so used to being shat upon by the people who are supposed to lead us and bring us in to glory that we are genetically programmed to take it on the chin, make a joke out of it and carry on regardless. We love moaning, its what were good at, we like being deadpan and defeatist, the opposite being chipper and gun-ho just doesn’t wear well with us Brits, unlike Americans who can whoop and holler for just about anything in the world. Yanks get excited over pouring breakfast cereal or opening letters or tying shoelaces or closing doors, an American will seek a high-five just for breathing in and out. You know what though, fair-play to them, that’s who they are they’re loud bellowing eternal optimists and were dull grey sneering pessimists, its horses for courses. But today I have read that the government as part of its radical overhaul of the state is planning to take our misery. They have given away our jobs, taken our money, cut the funding to our local authorities, they plan to take money out of education, justice and healthcare and now they are trying to take away our right to moan about it all… I am outraged, or at least I will be until a government agent comes round and reprogram’s me to be a simpering giggling boob.

Ok it won’t quite work like that but basically what they are planning to do is have an increased focus on the mental health of the state, which in theory sounds fair enough, as all too often these problems go unassisted until eventually some one jumps off a multi-story car-park or goes loco-crazy in the Co-op with a samurai sword. But my concern is that they are introducing these measures to help people “deal” with unemployment and eternal empty pocketedness, rather than dealing with the actual matters. Helping the public adjust to having to wait for a much needed operation, offering a shoulder to cry on when you feel down as your kids can’t get in to the local school or prescribing mind altering drugs when the man who burgled your house and sodomised your goldfish is given a suspended sentence as the prisons are full rather than tackling the problem at the root, is essentially the same as jangling keys over a crying baby rather than changing its nappy. Its all a little bit like teaching a man who’s just lost a leg to enjoy hopping rather than giving him a crutch. It is all well and good making people feel better, and it is duly noted that “suicides are higher in times of economic depression” but it isn’t dealing with the problem its numbing one of the side effects. It may be terribly cynical of me but I think someone’s filled in a spreadsheet and worked out it’s far cheaper to dish out Prozac and Valium till were all happy with the utter misery of our existence than it is to actually make life better. Call me a delusional schizophrenic with severe paranoia, but isn’t this just the first step towards state conditioning and mind control? How long till any of us feeling a bit sad are offered government grade mood stabilisers and we become a zombie nation of simpering Cameronites, wondering around what-whating and chuckling like berks whilst killing foxes and patronising coloured people? I’m telling you man, they’re trying to get in to our brains, don’t drink the water that’s how they get you, that’s how it starts, this is it man were all just Tory robots conditioned to worship our wealthy aristocratic leaders, but not me man, I got my tinfoil hat and I keep my ears blocked all the time, they aint getting this old blogger no way, no how… oh… I see… I know what you’re thinking, you think I’m crazy, well that’s just what they want you to think…

I dont want to harp on about the banking sector.....actually i do......these Kanutes (you know what i mean) are responsible for a hell of a lot of misery, yet they get a bit of deserved flak from the media and then they start whinging about how nasty that is and how they should still be allowed bonuses.

How about this? Their bonuses get put in trust, which employs a load of people with no experience or qualifications in b(w)anking and they invest the money! See how they fucking like it!

Brilliant again RBA, and you're right about the Yanks with their high fives and yes, if that's what they want to do amongst themselves I'm fine with it too but sometimes I have an issue with it. In the crowd at a sporting event when someone does something good, why do the complete strangers around me want me to raise my fuckin' hand in the air and slap theirs, fuck off! Just applaud your sporting hero, sit down and shut the fuck up.