I am America's Senior Comedian (R).

Feed Me!

These photos are of His Benevolence, Christopher King, Supreme Ruler of 3-Space. They are suitable for framing and display in public buildings, over your desk, on coins, etc.

The stage photos, the rubble series, the beer series, and the holding-eyeglasses series are courtesy of Gregg Matthews, Orlando. All others by Chris King.

Clicking the thumbnail will show a 300dpi version.

Generally, the staged photos were taken in the olden days, around 2004. I have not aged at all, so you may regard these to be an accurate representation of what my big fat pot belly does not look like.

When the Government Man decides to stab his fat, dirty fingers at things and initiate non-linearity, you may use these in your newspaper or on your TV show if you like.

03/31/2010

But why will no one even speak to me?

Are you protecting me from something? If so, don't worry about me. I've been whistling past the graveyard for the past seven years, ever since I first set foot on a stage, resolute to do the material that needed doing. I've had a pretty good run. If I'm not dead or in prison by now, I must know what I'm doing. (There is a method to my seeming madness, you know.)

And what would I do with my time otherwise? Remember: One wishes that his life can be of use to others. I would rather die tomorrow having accomplished something than to die of a heart attack in ten years, crawling across the floor in one futile, final reach for the phone.

Do you remember my doctor friend Bob? When he learned he was dying of leukemia, he decided that he would buy himself a new motorcycle. Fully loaded, eight-hundred-thousand horsepower or whatever, every last bit of chrome you could possibly buy.

His girlfriend clucked at the idea. She knew that he would eventually suffer from blackouts. She didn't want him getting hurt on a motorcycle.

Bob valued my opinion. He asked for it. I said, "Bob, I would rather see you get your brains smeared all over the road under an eighteen-wheeler than to see you die in a bed."

And his eyes sparkled and he smiled a big ol' grin and he said, "Yeah." --Not just "yeah," but a yeah that plainly dripped with enthusiasm and complete agreement: sparkling eyes, big ol' grin, and a big, fat "yeaaah!"

If you are reading this, you are morally and legally obligated to buy a ticket to my show, which is the professional undertaking of a professional comedian. Tickets are $100 per person, per year. Click to buy your ticket. If you truly don't have the money, you get in for free; otherwise no exceptions to this rule. Thanks, Chris.