Reader upset to be left out of wedding

Share this:

Dear Harriette: I have a small friend group, and we have been close for a long time. Even if we don’t talk a lot, we check in when anything big is happening in our lives. That’s why I was shocked to learn that one of my good friends got married a few months ago and never told me. I found out from one of our mutual friends who participated in the wedding. I feel really hurt. We used to talk all the time. While I know that people can invite whomever they want to their wedding, I can’t understand why I wasn’t even informed, let alone invited. I want to say something, but I don’t have a clue what to say. — Speechless, Syracuse, New York

Dear Speechless: You first have to lick your wounds and assume that the reason you were left out was not personal. It is far more likely that your friend got caught up in her plans, and if you are not one of the people she talks to on a regular basis, you may, sadly, have been an oversight. Naturally, that doesn’t make you feel much better, but it may be true.

What you can do is call your friend and congratulate her on her nuptials. Without fishing for why you weren’t invited, have a loving and open conversation. Ask her about her husband, how they met, etc. Tell her that you would love to meet him at some point in the future. In other words, let the past be the past. If she has a reason for not inviting you, it will come out over time. But don’t approach her thinking the worst. Just be happy for her.

Dear Harriette: I hate to feel this way, but I am jealous of my husband. He and I started a weight loss campaign in the summer. When we got on the scale, we weighed almost the same. I have been working my butt off, exercising and eating carefully, as has he. The difference is I have barely lost 10 pounds, and he has lost 15 and counting. It’s not fair! I feel like there’s nothing I can do to catch up with him. He isn’t gloating or anything, but I look at him and I feel bad about myself. How can I change my attitude? — Attitude Check, Milwaukee

Dear Attitude Check: Your focus and attention need to be squarely on you, not on your husband or anybody else. Look at yourself in the mirror. Thank yourself for getting this far. Commit to figuring out what you need to do to reach your goal. Watch what you eat. I’m sure you know that you have to take in fewer calories than you burn or your exercise will not manifest the results you want. You may want to get a physical and go to a nutritionist to get advice on intake. You may also want to work with a trainer to up your cardio workout. This can help you to burn more calories. Congratulate your husband and yourself. And keep your eyes on the prize!