Q&A – Help! My Adult Children Won’t Leave

Daily Inspiration

Q How can I show my adult kids still at home how to get ready to care for themselves, without kicking them out?

-Laura D.

A: Hi Laura,

You ask a great question about a situation that many other parents find themselves in. And to make matters worse, because of the current unemployment rate and lack of jobs, this is becoming a rapidly growing issue in today’s society. With that said, I think there are a variety of things you can do, but it depends on how old your kids actually are. Legally, you’re considered an adult when you turn 18. The challenge in front of you is different with an 18-year-old at home than it is with, let’s say, a 30-year-old.

I think this all begins with an honest heart-to-heart talk with them regarding your concerns about their future and your desires for them to become independent adults. If that doesn’t change things, the harsh reality is that, as painful and difficult as that is, having them leave becomes the only option.

Nudge them in this direction by making sure they pay a financial price for staying. For example, if you’re allowing them to stay for free, make them start paying rent and contributing to the grocery bill. If you’re doing their laundry, stop and make them do their own. If none of these types of actions work, give them a deadline for when you want them to leave and then regularly – and lovingly – remind them that the clock is ticking.

Unfortunately, there’s no one single way to accomplish making your children become responsible adults and getting them out on their own. However, if you give them a deadline, stand by it and add a pinch of tough love, you just may find yourself a happy empty nester sooner than you think.