The Ministry of Comedy has officially ruled that no jokes will be allowed that imply any similarities between Tottenham Hotspur and the late Michael Jackson for at least one week, after the first leg of Tottenham’s Champions League qualifier to Young Boys Berne ended in a narrow 3-2 defeat. Observers say that there was huge pent-up comedy demand ahead of the game.

‘Given that they failed even to secure an away draw, it is impossible to say at this stage that Tottenham ‘fucked Young Boys’, which I might add is a still unproven allegation against Mr Jackson,’ said James Spencer-Wright MP, Under-Secretary of State for New Gags. ‘Fortunately he’s dead, so he can’t sue anyway.’

Added Spencer-Wright: ‘However, a late fightback to 3-2 after a dreadful start means that the tie still hangs in the balance. In the event of a comfortable victory for Tottenham in the second leg, we will review the options. By the way, did you know they play in the Wankdorf Stadium. Really. Sounds a bit like, you know…’