Tag Archives: College

Drowning – Above the Water

From my art journal out of oil pastels

Have you ever had that feeling that you are drowning and you cannot keep your head above the water? Lately, I think this is how I feel every day. The undercurrent is dragging me down and pulling me further out to sea.

I have one of those complicated lives in which nothing is ever easy. I am 31-year-old female, in college full-time, with a 10-year-old daughter and a terminal disease. Two years ago, after a ten-year leave of absence, I decided to return to college. Initially, I was excited, motivated and determined to complete my education. Yet with all my motivation and determination, it was still quite difficult. I think the hardest task, learning how to study. Now, months before my graduation, I do not have that drive anymore. It has deflated and I do not know if I can do it anymore. Most days, getting out of bed is a huge task. It is not depression, but pain that keeps me immobilized.

At this point, there is just so much to do, to catch up on, just everything and I just do not know where to begin. This makes me feel like I am drowning and I cannot stay above the water.