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Posts Tagged ‘self-reliance’

A few times now I have seen the end to something before it ever came to pass. I took in a deep breath and enjoyed it. The smell of the ocean and the mist at my face. Savour those moments to the end. You never know when it will end.

I fell asleep to your cry and still to this day sometimes I wonder why? I thought I was learning what it takes to be a father, instead the path of a man. That night we held him in our arms, never did I think that would be the last. The purest of memories in my mind, the moment of the riches joys. To look into her eyes and see my son’s reflection. At the time I could have savoured this moment more. I unfortunately live with this regret.

The band-aide of choice was to honor every moment as if it was my last. My full attention and concentration whenever I noticed I was slacking. Difficult for a ADHD kid at times, but thru time I have seen mass progression. Deepening the bond I have to offer to others.

The Sun was setting on the stern as we headed back to dock for the season. Oh the mist was so refreshing when it hit my face. I had just raised the tuna poles and securing them tightly with the well worn rope. The soot from the exhausted covered my hands, I felt like it would be my last for a while, so I took another deep breath. My exhale was appreciation for this experience. What a wild ride this life has thrown at me and I am still standing here in a crow’s nest 30 ft off the water.

I like to think God puts us thru trials and we fail. We fail alot, repeatedly over and over again because we are stuck in our ways, fear change, but envy it.GET BACK UP...HEARD IN THE back of my head. This repeated failure built the author of this post up from some dense ashes. I was lost in my own world of confusion trying to find a cure in all the wrong places. Then a random stranger who became brother introduced me to God right when I needed it. Someone to talk to….

His family opened their arms to me and at times, I let them down like a son. But they taught me my failures are my challenges and my challenges are my goals. Mike and Diane will forever hold a special spot in my heart for introducing me to a saviour. The path I was walking was a dark suicidal. Scared to share for fear of repercussions. They LOVED me unconditionally and supported me with anything I ever wanted to do. They offered me rides to church every Sunday for Mass, Wednesday for class and every group event in between. A place to stay and tons of work. So blessed to experience them and have some formal introduction to God. Even if in the end I am just talking to myself at night. Its working…

As I reach my goals I run alongside others who are racing thru this universe, but I feel alone at times. I am blessed to have a healthy balance of friendship in my life. Those friends held me at my worst and praised me at best. Many tried to help and connect with me, but I pushed you away at times to hide in my solitude.I felt like I was a burden upon others and felt safe alone. Covering my emotions with hobbies, study, business.

When your alone, the voices come out to play. These voices try to play with me from time to time now, but I have tools now to combat them. WE NEED QUIET ALONE TIME TO FEEL THOSE VOICES. It’s amazing what life offers you when you keep in the back of your mind, someone is looking out for you. The Tone of the voice changes from a negative to a positive vibe. Encouraging and supportive. Let that new tone be God, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, The Universe, Your higher self or Ricky Bobby. It truly does help to just have some faith in something, not to mention yourself.

Don’t let me kid you or display my avatar “LAMBO” or fancy heal yourself blog. I can barely focus to type with the tears in my eyes. I had to stop proofreading to control myself and maintain. I have posted alot on this blog over the last 3 years and this is by far the toughest one to share. The most emotions I have allowed myself to feel in a long time. Did not even notice It was building up momentum inside of me.

Each year is different for me and always hits me at a angle I was not covering or prepared for. Once again left alone by choice in confusion and aloneness. These are the times I learn from my God the most. My son was was an angel sent here as my wake up call. Without the event taking place, would I be who I am now? I don’t think so. I was a stubborn boy who needed a powerful event to change my ways. That it did.

The military definitely taught me to maintain/Conceal my emotions. When you’re responsible or leading others in the military you have to keep it TOGETHER for the sake of the team. This is great character traits when your the man of the house. As long as you know how to open up to someone you confide in. Cons I have learned are bottling things up and cause long term mental issues if not SELF-TREATED. Not medicated, but thru self-awareness and evaluations. AKA a journal.

I don’t think a journal is something that just works with a few people.I think only a few people are willing to make a journal work.

This was a tuff blog post write and I feel so much better now that I could share this with you. The things I do are not required, but they have helped me, maybe they will help you.

Like this:

One persons trash is anothers persons treasure. Unfortunately we treat our relations with others in this manner. When we feel like someone’s trash let’s think of how many people are happy you became single. Hence you become a new treasure!

Now what about when we are single? What should we do to maintian sanity?

I know somethings that never were beneficial;Hunting– term used to find potential partners at a bar or event.
Looking for love in general has never been very profitable. The love we seek seems to just happen at the drop of a dime on a randomized day. Unpredictable in nature, but just as beautiful as nature when it blooms.Facebook trolling/scrolling- wasting most of the day trying to connect with people I never was ment to connect with.Random messages- Seriously think of how many messages girls/guys get from creepy individuals, alot. This also has not been a good investment of energy.Getting Butt Hurt- when you send this random message and she/he does not respond. Don’t be a rude and blame them for your insecurities.Naughty pictures- a warning to both genders, others will see your goodies. Girls are even starting to post the penis pictures to facebook. Best not to EVER do this.

Depression/crazy- if she/he dont respond to your messages or you have issues with how fast they respond. You need to be single. See below, how to build a lofe to be proud of. See how long your depression lasts when you accomplish some goals.

Being single gives you more time to mature as an adult and to properly get to know who you are and what you actually want in life… Both single and taken have their pros and cons. But no matter what you’re feeling on your single status, one thing remains true: you are free. This freedom seems like eternal prison sometimes, but its good for you to grow without relationship influence. Learn what you love, discover your goals and ambitions, and write down your priorities.

Tackling the world may seem like a never ending task, cause it is until you die. Get used to handling stress and trials on your own. Building this confidence up is nothing but sexy to those who pursue you in the shadows. We all have secret admirers that have been too shy to speak up. Keep that in mind when you feel like a lonely little duck. Keep pushing thru life building your empire of your dreams. Pursuing your life goals will attract the right energy you need to succeed.

Sometimes we fall in love and its nothing but a toxic relationship. Energy draining and consumed by negitive emotions. How can one succeed? Dont keep anything that does not nourish your soul, hold fast to all that does.

Build a life to be proud ofDo you play the guitar? Maybe learn so you can share.Write poetry? Don’t be scared to shareAre you a history nut? Expand your knowledge deeper.Do you volunteer? Kindness is sexy.

My point is to learn something… learn something you can teach or share with your partner.
Don’t be boring, get some hobbies.

Are you ready to date?
Do you have income?
Transportation?
Know how to love?
Know yourself?
Know your boundaries?
Are you happy being alone?
Do you need someone or want someone?

When one or more of these is lacking, chances are your better off without the distraction until you gain control of your life.

Being single is a great time to be you! So many options!

If your recently single and wondering “what the hell happened?” You or your partner were lacking. Self-healing starts at self-respect, self-reliance and self-love. You attract the energy you put out, be wise to your energy investments and don’t be self-loathing.

Self-hatred (also called self-loathing) refers to an extreme dislike or hatred of oneself, or being angry at or even prejudiced against oneself.