It is currently 12:48 am, and my entire family is sleeping. I should probably also be sleeping, but that’s the funny thing about having a newborn – sometimes your sleep schedule is so out of whack, that even though you are most definitely supposed to “sleep when the baby sleeps”, sometimes your body is so dang used to being up at all hours of the night, it’s raring to go at 12:48 am.

Plus? When you are now outnumbered by kids, 12:48 am is LITERALLY THE ONLY TIME TO GET ANYTHING ACCOMPLISHED.

That’s not entirely true, but when it comes to the non-essential, non-urgent tasks like blogging, it kind of is.

And so I’ll be keeping this short, but I just so want to keep this space updated and make at least a measly attempt to document our days, these days.

Life with Silas has been so sweet thus far. He is a great baby, which, we are well aware could change at a moments notice, because that’s how babies roll – but we’ll take it for now! He has started giving me a 5-7 hour stretch of sleep at night. (I KNOW.) And so truthfully, I’m actually feeling pretty normal for having a 2 week old baby. When I say normal I still mean the kind of normal that involves having your boobs function as an open bar and the fact that I’m still only averaging 1 shower every three days, but that’s the thing with parenthood, it’s surprising how quickly you can adapt to a new normal all over again.

The other two kids are so sweet with him and the transition of adding him to our family has been really smooth for them, for which we are thankful. Ellie said the other day “mom, I wish you could have twenty babies, because Silas is JUST SO CUTE”. NOT HAPPENING KID. Zeke has taken on the role of a proud older brother like a champ and his current favourite activity is to hold Silas’ soother in his mouth – whether he wants it or not -and loves to call him Si Guy. (Which he does in this ridiculously high baby talk voice that couldn’t possibly get any cuter)

I have been trying my best to soak these days in. That’s the thing with having been around this block twice before- there are things that I just knew that I wanted to do differently. One of which was to not feel any ounces of guilt for choosing extra snuggles over chores. Or for sitting on my butt instead of tackling a task. These newborn days really are so fleeting, and it really is a big deal to birth a baby, and I wanted to honour those two facts more this time. To give my body permission to rest well, recover well and not feel any urgency to “get back to it”. And to hold my baby more than ever. They only smell like a newborn for so long. Their breath only smells of sweet milk for a while. The folds in the crooks of their neck can’t ever be over-kissed, and they just grow and grow. And so while yes, life is busy with three kids. And while yes, life kind of has to carry on as normal with schedules, and school pick ups and meals to be made, etc. I am finding pockets of time where it’s just me and him. And his soft cheeks, and wrinkly toes, and sweet smelling head. And it is oh so sweet.

Silas David Bokma. Born May 13, at 10:44 in the morning and weighing 8 lbs 3 oz. (The smallest of our babies!)

He came fast and furiously into this world, and while different than my other births (no time for a pool!) still so incredible and meaningful. We are all doing well and are healthy, and I can’t wait to share more of him on this space.

You know what happens when you’re on day 10 of mat leave and no baby in sight? You clean. And then you clean again, and then you put your feet up and revel in your clean house.

And then the NEXT day, after your kids have spent a day coming in and out of the backyard because it’s FINALLY nice enough to play outside in the dirt, you lament that there was actually no point in cleaning the floors the day before. But then you remind yourself that if you really are going to have a home birth, and then a newborn, you really DO want to have clean floors, and so a few days later you do it all over again.

It’s an exercise in futility really.

So here I sit, still very much pregnant, and not terribly surprised by that fact. I’m 9 days over, and if I DID have a baby by now, it would be my earliest baby to date, so this is a zone I know well. And while, yes I have had more time to clean and organize (time that I am actually SO very grateful for), it has also been a sweet few weeks of extra time with Zeke (we have reduced his day care to just 2 days a week until the end of June), seeing friends and family more, and making meals for our freezer.

Sometimes, I think we don’t realize how full our lives are until we are gifted with some extra time off, and that is what I have been handed while we wait.

I am so very excited to meet this baby, but these days have certainly been sweet.

Here is hoping that the next time you check into this space – there are adorable pictures of a squooshy newborn.

Well folks, I’m officially “full term”. And to that I say “ha!” Doesn’t full term mean 42 weeks? (At some point, I should probably at least acknowledge that there is a CHANCE this kid could come early….but for now, I’m fine to live in the zone of “we have a while left to go yet, so settle in and make yourselves comfortable”)

It IS kind of crazy to think that this kid could come at any time, or at least within the next month. And just like with the other pregnancies, we have reached the time when we need to make our “if the baby comes tomorrow, what needs to happen so that we’re NOT screwed?” List.

It feels like this list may just be a little bit longer than the other two kids, and at the very stinking top of this list is WE REALLY NEED TO SETTLE ON A NAME. It will come, but if this kid really DID come tomorrow, it would be nameless, so at the top of the list it shall sit.

We have ALSO reached the point in the pregnancy where because we are planning a home birth, I am feeling the pressure to make sure our house is somewhat clean and in order just in case. I realize that this part isn’t essential to a successful birth, but there is just something about knowing that there will be other people in all areas of our home that makes me want to make sure the baseboards are clean, you know? (ok, I’m kind of lying, I’m definitely not worried about baseboards….clean toilets? yes. Baseboards? not so much) The unfortunate thing about this is that we actually could have 5 whole weeks left, and that’s a long time to be “on notice” for having a pretty clean house. It is currently in a GREAT state – bathrooms are clean, floors are scrubbed/vacuumed and laundry is up to date. I really can’t promise this will be the state a bunch of weeks from now. But a girl can dream right?

We can also title this week “The week my body gave up”. With my other two pregnancies, by this point, I did have a bit of lower back pain, but nothing that was hindering in any real way. This time around, however, I have some crazy lower back pain that essentially rendered me useless this week. Last weekend after probably “over-doing it” with too much walking, by Sunday night, I actually couldn’t walk. I couldn’t tell you if it was nerves or muscles, or both, but in any case, I ended up with crutches and did my darnedest to not have to walk up or down any stairs. I had some great chiropractor adjustments and a massage last Tuesday which was incredible. By incredible, I mean that it felt like my therapist was stabbing me repeatedly with a super sharp knife for an hour – but boy did it work. For the first time in 5 days I couldn’t feel my back or legs -in a good way, as in, the pain was almost all gone. It was so encouraging to know that at least there was a solution to my invalidity. So, my back is still super tight, and I am definitely limping and waddling in THE most cliche pregnant way – but compared to last weekend, I can handle it. (And I foresee several more massages in my future before this baby comes) Overall – it’s pretty humbling to actually not be able to do certain things and have people want to dote on my all the time because I look so incompetent.

Finally – in case we’re not friends on Facebook, or you missed the link – it IS that time of year again when all of you get to place your bets on who this baby will be, and when they will arrive. Up for grabs? A $10.00 Starbucks gift card. Just click the link hereAs far as the insider scoop:Both my other kids were pretty overdue (10 days and 14 days)They were 8.6 lbs and 8.15 lbs and both of them were 21.5 inches.

Today started at its usual break-neck speed, and I wasn’t terribly excited as I looked ahead to the hours that faced me. A midwife visit at the exact same time that I was supposed to be in a meeting. A husband who needed to work at least 12 hours today due to meetings. Facing the school/day care pick up-supper prep-bedtime routine solo.

None of it was super daunting, but none of it was really stirring me up with excitement, either.

But you know what? It was a pretty good day and truthfully, I’m just so thankful for the little things that helped to tip this day to the side of good, instead of mediocre.

The kids were healthy, and in good moods and for anyone who has kids, you’ll know that this is priceless currency.

My midwife appointment was switched around, and all meetings could happen according to schedule.

The kids played outside for almost 2 hours today after school/day care. This is a first. Having a 2 and 4 year old, we still mostly live in the world of 10 minutes of uninterrupted play, and then someone ends up at the back door asking for something, or crying because of an injury. It was such a gift to get some things done (read: dinner) while they got to enjoy the incredible weather that today held.

My midwife appointment was a home visit and happened to coincide with the hours my kids played outside, meaning I could have an uninterrupted, solid visit with my midwife, who I really do love. And then when it came time to check the baby’s heartbeat, I called the kids inside and there they stood, in the doorframe of our patio door, boots still on, grinning from ear to ear as they heard the steady thump-thump of this little one.

They then ran back outside and had a great conversation with the neighbour kids they were talking with over the back fence. “Did you see the baby? Is it here now?” “No – it’s not here, we just heard it.” “What colour is its hair?” “we don’t know yet, it’s not borned yet”.

We ate a dinner that involved no tears, emptied plates and actual listening during our bible story.

Even when Ellie whacked her chin on the table and bit her tongue so hard there are teeth marks all along the left side of her tongue that oozed blood for several minutes, she was quickly appeased by an ice cube and face cloth and the trauma seemed minimal.

So today, nothing made it a banner day that is really worth noting, but sometimes, its just the little things that add up to make it worth noting.

This is embarrassingly the third picture I’ve taken in the past 5 of so weeks, thinking that I will always get around to posting a pregnancy update eventually.

So, you can at least know that I WANTED to post something at week 27, and then 29 and then 31 and now well, here we are. Let’s get to it shall we?

I’m well on my way to 34 weeks (my weeks turn over on the Friday), and man, if I’m not just a little bit sad at how fast this is all going. I really wouldn’t be sad if I go over 40 weeks, which, lets be honest, is likely to happen given my track record. And that would be ok with me. Oh how I love feeling this little one move around inside my belly, and there’s something kind of fun about the anticipation and preparation that comes with being pregnant.

Baby names. Let’s talk about this. You guys, WE HAVE NO BABY NAMES. Ok, that’s a teensy bit dramatic – we finally started tossing around a few ideas last week – so we have some options, but none seem like the keepers just yet. WHY OH WHY is this such a “thing”? What is it, that in the endless, limitless options for what we could call our kid, we can’t seem to feel anything more than “meh” about any of the choices yet? I think it will come – we have a few frontrunners that just may stick if we think about them a bit more and throw them together with a middle name.

And while we’re on the topic of names – we have been asked several times if we are intentionally going to pick another “E” name. And welllll, the answer is no . In fact, I thought I would try my darnedest to AVOID an E name because I swore we would never be “those people”. But wouldn’t you know it, I just kind of happen to really like a lot of names that start with E. So, it’s a soft maybe. If we do it, I know we’ll spend the remainder of our years when in casual conversation with others, explaining that it wasn’t so much on purpose that we did that.

How am I feeling you ask? Well, YOU may not be asking, but pretty much everyone else is. And truthfully, I feel pretty good. I am so thankful that I have no ongoing aches or pains. I’m still sleeping pretty well – although there is what I like to refer to as the “pee threshold”. It’s pretty much a guarantee that I’ll be getting up once in the night to pee, and sometimes, I can avoid the urge in my sleepless state for a while. Which is silly. I really should just get up and go, because otherwise I spend the hours of 2-5 am kind of needing to pee, which is far more uncomfortable than just hauling my keester out of bed to pee already.

Birth. Yep, let’s just talk about it. It’s sort of a non-negotiable in this whole process, and we’re getting to the point where it’s time to think about it. As with our other kids, we are hoping for a home birth, and will plan on using our hypnobirthing training to have a positive experience. As always, we hold our plans loosely and ultimately are praying for a safe and healthy delivery, however that needs to happen.

There you have it – the rundown of 33 weeks. 7 (ish) more weeks to go. If you need me, you can find me sitting alone in a room feverishly making a list of possible baby names.

I’ve not written nearly enough about Zeke in this space lately. My goodness he’s 26 months old, and talks a mile a minute (I actually think he has a bigger vocabulary than Ellie did at this age, which I didn’t think was possible), and laughs and laughs at things and has very few ounces of baby left in him at all.

In more recent months, we haven’t needed to put up the gate, and for the most part, he just contentedly plays in his room until he just doesn’t anymore and falls asleep.

It just may be the cutest thing ever to check on him on our way to bed and just see him passed out at the last spot he was playing before tiredness overtook him. Ben and I often joke that he just goes and goes and goes, and there’s really no convincing him to stop, until he’s just all tuckered out and plops down, toys strewn all about, and him in the midst of it.