I had a boyfriend at the time and I was sleeping over at my friend’s apartment. My boyfriend said he was bringing someone over. I was nervous at first because I was always terrible meeting new people. I was sitting in the chair preparing myself for what may happen/may not; if he was a pervert or not, I didn’t know but I took a deep breath and didn’t try to think about what was going to happen next. There he was, walking in through the door all cool and simple. His clothes were clean and casual like he was going on a date. The moment I saw him, I instantly thought, “Here we go.” I dreaded meeting him because just by looking at him, he looked the kind of guy who would know a good time if he saw it. Maybe I was wrong. Well anyway he and boyfriend sat in two chairs while I sat in the other on the other side of the room. I could’ve sworn that the whole time I was sitting there and whenever I looked over to them, my boyfriend’s friend would stare at me; like I was a piece of art or meat or something. I didn’t know what went through his mind but I could care less at that point. To feel safer, I’d go over to my friend to see what she was doing. As I sat by her, I didn’t look over my shoulder to see if he was still looking at me. I didn’t want my boyfriend thinking I had a thing for his friend. What happened next completely threw me off guard and left me confused. I still can’t figure out to this day what happened in those few minutes. All of a sudden, I saw my boyfriend packing his bag in my friend’s room. He was rushing which gave me the thought that he either wanted so badly to get out or he thought I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. I didn’t know but at the time, all I could think about was what would happen next. I decided to yell, “Tyler if you leave, you’re breaking up with me.” He reply was, “Good!” As he said 4 letter word, my heart stopped, my heart beating a faster and slower pace and I felt like crying. So when he was packing up his things, I stomped to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me. Sitting on the toilet with my head down and my hands covering my eyes, you’d think that I was crying but I wasn’t even my heart was breaking. Then I heard a voice on the other side of the door. To my surprise, it was my boyfriend’s friend. I had no clue why he came in the bathroom with me. A few times he repeated, “What’s wrong?” I didn’t answer him the first couple of times because knowing me, I always kept my feelings to myself. I didn’t want to let anyone in because…because I thought then they’d have a clear shot of taking advantage of me. It wasn’t like that-at all and I was shocked. He knelt down in front of me and tried to grab my attention by bringing his head down to look at my eyes so that I’d look up. Eventually I did look up. In that instant, I saw an angel. I saw someone who wanted to know what was wrong and that made me feel a little better. I kept looking off to the side in case I was going to cry because I didn’t want him to see me cry. As he was talking, he was sincere, respectful, gentle with my feelings, caring and hopeful. I could tell just by looking at him that he was someone special and that made me open up and tell him what’s wrong. Suddenly my boyfriend left. I didn’t want him to leave but it was his choice to. I found myself feeling vulnerable and unprotected. I wrote a poem about his because I was angry at him. I was angry, frusterated and I felt so alone. It still surprises me that a person you love a lot can make you feel safe, angry, sad, happy, protected, unsafe, loved, and cared about; and so on and so on. The last relationship I had was the best. There were so many things I liked about him. At the same time, we kind of rushed it a little too fast. It was probably a month till I fell in love. In my heart, I felt butterflies roaming around inside, telling me he’s the one and I didn’t want that feeling to go away. I knew that what I was feeling wasn’t a lie and I knew he felt the same. We’d see each other everyday. The only flaw in our relationship was, it was a BIG flaw, that I paid for everything: going to the movies, out to a restaurant, going bowling, buying him Gatorade or whatever he wanted and I’d even pay for his drinks/shots at the bar sometimes. He was always teaching me how to say no. I remember asking him one day why he was teaching me how to say no and he answered, “Coz you look like you could use some help.” I was really grateful for what he was doing. When I was with him, I didn’t care about his goofiness, imperfections, little quirks that just drove me nuts; I didn’t care about any of that because the truth was…I accepted him for who he was. I think that’s half of what true love is: acceptance. Being with him was always an adventure. Being with him always lit up a smile on my face especially when he knew how to make me smile and laugh.

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