Tuesday, February 10, 2009

My First Day as a Non-Smoker

...doesn't exactly flat-out suck, but it's not fun either.

As I write this, I'm enjoying my first piece of nicotine gum. There is a certain way you have to chew it. There's a tingling, peppery sensation in my mouth. And, truth be told, the intense craving I had for a cigarette about 10-20 minutes ago seems to have gone away, or at least subsided.

I can tell already this is going to be a huge challenge. Luckily the book that came with the gum is pretty helpful.

Some say people shouldn't use nicotine gum to quit smoking. They say you're still addicted to nicotine, you're just getting it from gum, not cigarettes. But hey - I know myself. I need something. Smoking is a physical and mental addiction. So while I'm quitting, I need to know that my body has what it thinks it needs (the nicotine) and I can concentrate on the mental aspect of not wanting to feel smoke in my lungs. I once tried chewing tobacco for a few days. Even though I was clearly getting all the poison I needed, I still wanted to smoke. So I know it won't be easy even with the gum (which, incidentally, gives the inside of your mouth that same tingly feeling that chewing tobacco does).

But the gum is encouraging so far. I don't really feel like I want to smoke right now. In fact, what I really want to do is NOT DIE.

So wish me luck. I'm about to have a cup of coffee (my first of the day) and for me, coffee and cigarettes are very closely related. I'm going to take my coffee break, walk around the building, and not smoke. My body feels satisfied at the moment. That's encouraging.

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Update - There's a guy I work with who is really religious. This sometimes annoys people, including me. But he just asked me if he could pray for me (re: quitting smoking). For some reason I was very moved, maybe because of the almost shame-faced, deferential way he asked me. I let him. He laid hands on me and asked God to strengthen me. I actually started crying. I think I was just overwhelmed by the show of caring and support from someone I usually find mildly annoying. I'm not sold on the power of prayer by any means. But it was a solid, concrete way for him to show me he cared about this, and I found it incredibly moving.