This article is funny. I also wanted to ask what you're telling your older kids when they ask this question. As far as my son knows, mommy and daddy decide that they want a baby inside mommy's tummy, so it happens. He's only 4, so THAT works for him. lol But are older children asking where baby comes from? And what are you telling them?

My 6yo has been interested in where babies come from since his youngest brother was born two years ago. At that time he asked and I told him:

"Mommy and Daddy make babies together."

"Like with Legos?" he asked

I replied, "No, not with Legos....just sort of a special thing that Mommy and Daddy can do together to make babies." (trying to be vague with my then 4 yo)

He looked at me skeptically and then said, "Okay, but next time you make a baby, I want to watch you do it."

I still laugh at that - can't wait to tell him that story when he's about 15!

When he found out we were pregnant with another baby, he actually got a little angry and said "But I told you I wanted to watch you make it!!"

So, to summarize - I have no idea how to talk to the 4-6yo age group about how babies are made. I'm just not ready to go into much detail with them yet and I don't want to come up with some fairytale that isn't true at all.

My son is 8 and has known ALL about it for a long time. Ive always made it a point to be very honest and open, while giving age appropriate answers. When he was 4-5 he had very age appropriate questions, but at Thanksgiving dinner when he was 6 he straight out asked what sex was. It was...horrifying...sitting there at dinner with 30 family members. A few days later my husband explained to him the basic mechanics- and that that is how babies are made. He just recently asked questions that led to the explanation of the sperm/egg thing. If he has a question, we answer it- but we also follow his lead, and only say what we know he will understand. My 4 year old has had no questions at ALL yet, which is surprising because she is my very logical and smart over-talker.

I made it a point to NEVER tell my kids "babies come out of tummy's" because its NOT true- babies come out of vaginas. I never wanted them to be horrified when they found it out, so I always told them I grew the baby in my tummy, and it came out of my vagina. When my niece was born it was a great opportunity to talk about it, and together me and my kids watched (a pre-screened, child appropriate) birth video I was able to find.

Thank you, ladies. I don't want to tell my kids something that's not true about where babies come from, I just wasn't sure how censored it should be, so that they don't go around saying things like "vagina" or "sex" at age 4 or 5, ya know?

My five year old has asked this time, and I told her the mechanics of it. "When a mom and dad love each other and want to have a baby the dad's penis goes in the mom's vagina and leaves sperm. The sperm finds an egg in the mom's uterus (I know it's the fallopian tube but didn't want to have to explain even more anatomy!), and the baby grows from the sperm and the egg. Just like how our chickens lay eggs. Well, if we had a rooster to put sperm in the chickens, those eggs would have chicks inside instead of just yolks!" That worked for her. Farmyard animals explaining the facts of life, ftw!

I've been thinking a lot about this and figure that I'll let my daughter lead the conversations and gauge her readiness as it comes. As of right now (at just turned 5) she was content with, "the baby grows from an egg in mommy's belly, well, actually, my uterus." Then the next day we looked up some birth videos, she was interested in all different types (including, much to my pregnant horror, watching a c-section =P) but what was kind of awesome was after having watched all the videos (maybe 4 or 5) she said, "Mommy, I think you should have the baby in the water, that one looked nice and comfortable."

We talked about how sometimes the baby comes straight out of the belly when it needs to, but usually it comes out of the mommy's vagina. She was a lot more interested in seeing each stage of the growing baby and how it comes out then how it got in there, she's just not in that space yet.

I was talking with some other moms about this and most recommend Amy Lang and someone else recommended: "It's NOT the stork" by Robie H Harris, and doing the self-editing thing as you choose. Right now I'm more concerned about getting my hands on the book, "It's MY body" because we've had some experimenting and boundary issues with some of the slightly older neighbor kids.

I figure we'll get there when she's ready, and answering honestly but vaguely isn't a bad thing. Short and sweet if you do explain it (as justamama did). The good thing is, even if you go into the whole logistics of it, they will likely only retain what they are ready for and basically forget anything that "does not compute".

I've been thinking a lot about this and figure that I'll let my daughter lead the conversations and gauge her readiness as it comes. As of right now (at just turned 5) she was content with, "the baby grows from an egg in mommy's belly, well, actually, my uterus." Then the next day we looked up some birth videos, she was interested in all different types (including, much to my pregnant horror, watching a c-section =P) but what was kind of awesome was after having watched all the videos (maybe 4 or 5) she said, "Mommy, I think you should have the baby in the water, that one looked nice and comfortable."

We talked about how sometimes the baby comes straight out of the belly when it needs to, but usually it comes out of the mommy's vagina. She was a lot more interested in seeing each stage of the growing baby and how it comes out then how it got in there, she's just not in that space yet.

I was talking with some other moms about this and most recommend Amy Lang and someone else recommended: "It's NOT the stork" by Robie H Harris, and doing the self-editing thing as you choose. Right now I'm more concerned about getting my hands on the book, "It's MY body" because we've had some experimenting and boundary issues with some of the slightly older neighbor kids.

I figure we'll get there when she's ready, and answering honestly but vaguely isn't a bad thing. Short and sweet if you do explain it (as justamama did). The good thing is, even if you go into the whole logistics of it, they will likely only retain what they are ready for and basically forget anything that "does not compute".

Aww! How cute that she loved the waterbirth idea! I am not looking forward to approaching the boundaries exploration that alot of younger kids do.

We've covered everything except how the baby gets in there and how it gets out. Once I decided how to answer those questions, they had quit asking them. I'll wait until they come around again. I was told that kids' questions should be your guideline as to how much information they're ready for. If they can ask it, they can understand it. I like that rule.

My kids saw the sperm tank. They were both conceived with donor sperm so the have been using words like sperm and uterus for ages. They don't generally repeat those words out of the house because it doesn't come up in conversation a lot.

Dd is 4.5 and full on into pee, poop, penis, vagina stage. A frequent exclamation from here is "I just pooped on your face!" Lovely. And just the other day she was apparently having a conversation with her little friend (who is almost 5) and was talking about how she has a vagina and her brother has a penis. The friend ran to her father and exclaimed that my dd was using "potty language." Sigh... At any rate, that story explains where we stand on the body part issue. We have always used the correct terms and she knows that babies grow in my tummy and come out my vagina. She also knows that daddy put sperm inside my vagina with his penis and that is how the baby was made. She kept asking clarifying questions so we kept adding details until she had all the facts. I'm not sure if she remembers it all, but she sure is fascinated by body parts these days!

I agree that it's best to start extremely simple and get more detailed depending on the questions they ask.

There is NOTHING wrong with the word vagina. I would so much rather hear a kid say vagina than hear them say "naughty place" or hoo-ha or whatever it is people can seem to find acceptable to teach their children.

I have very fond memories of my parents (actually maybe it was my dad, at my grandmother's house?) reading me "where did I come from" by Peter Mayle. I think there's even a little illustration my dad did inside the front cover to explain twins. It's designed for ages 4-8. It's got accurate but sort of nicely neutral drawings. My parents have never been comfortable talking about anything but have always loved books. At 11 it was "what's happening to my body? book for girls" and at age 16, "Our Bodies Ourselves" was a christmas gift from my mom and became my bible. The accurate references are probably why I went into healthcare and especially women's health in the first place. So, anyways, I highly recommend "where did I come from."

The 14 yr old knows, of course! My 9 and 6 yr old dds haven't asked, which I find really odd. I'm getting ready to have the puberty talk with the 9 yr old. It's about that time. I've ordered a book for her and we'll talk about that. I'm curious to see if that prompts any questions.

If and when they do ask, I'll be pretty straightforward. I guess I'll let them lead, for the most part, and just answer honestly.

BTW, I haven't told my girls they have a vagina... is that really odd?? They know the proper names for things... they know they have vulvas. (We don't do cutesy names!) But vagina really hasn't come up. Oh goodness... I don't know what they know! I'm expecting to sit the 9 yr old down for the talk and find her rolling her eyes and saying she already knows that! Ha!

Dd is 4.5 and full on into pee, poop, penis, vagina stage. A frequent exclamation from here is "I just pooped on your face!" Lovely. And just the other day she was apparently having a conversation with her little friend (who is almost 5) and was talking about how she has a vagina and her brother has a penis. The friend ran to her father and exclaimed that my dd was using "potty language." Sigh... At any rate, that story explains where we stand on the body part issue. We have always used the correct terms and she knows that babies grow in my tummy and come out my vagina. She also knows that daddy put sperm inside my vagina with his penis and that is how the baby was made. She kept asking clarifying questions so we kept adding details until she had all the facts. I'm not sure if she remembers it all, but she sure is fascinated by body parts these days!

I agree that it's best to start extremely simple and get more detailed depending on the questions they ask.

Well, my son found out early on from seeing mommy and daddy going potty that we have different parts. But he started saying that "mommy has two butts" LOL So I've cleared it up saying girls have pee-pees and boys have wee-wees. I just wasn't sure what was age appropriate. Like I said, if I get asked again what things are or where they come from at least I'm coming to that conversation armed. lol

To Ratchet: I'll look into those books. They seem like they would be beneficial for my kids with their questions. :)

The 14 yr old knows, of course! My 9 and 6 yr old dds haven't asked, which I find really odd. I'm getting ready to have the puberty talk with the 9 yr old. It's about that time. I've ordered a book for her and we'll talk about that. I'm curious to see if that prompts any questions.

If and when they do ask, I'll be pretty straightforward. I guess I'll let them lead, for the most part, and just answer honestly.

BTW, I haven't told my girls they have a vagina... is that really odd?? They know the proper names for things... they know they have vulvas. (We don't do cutesy names!) But vagina really hasn't come up. Oh goodness... I don't know what they know! I'm expecting to sit the 9 yr old down for the talk and find her rolling her eyes and saying she already knows that! Ha!

I would say, you better get to them before they start learning things from their peers! Lol. I know what the 8 year old are talking about...and I know if my son didn't know what we have told him, he would be awfully confused.

We haven't began the how did the baby get in there conversation. But my kids know that the baby is in my belly, in a special mommy place called a uterus. They know (sort of) about the placenta, but I don't know how much they have retained. My son (6) is pretty interested in the umbilical cord though.

But the uterus/placenta/fetal growth/birth information is really awesome. I would definitely recommend the book to anyone with 5+ year olds. Its designed I think for the explanation of sex talk, at least in part. But its been really great to talk about my pregnancy with my kids. Great illustrations.

Vanessa... Happily married to a paramedic - celebrating 10 years of marriage! Mama to one crazy 6 year old transformer and one chatterbox4 year old princess. Daycare provider to many jumping beans I'm expecting my third in late November.

I would say, you better get to them before they start learning things from their peers! Lol. I know what the 8 year old are talking about...and I know if my son didn't know what we have told him, he would be awfully confused.

Originally Posted by dashley111
I would say, you better get to them before they start learning things from their peers! Lol. I know what the 8 year old are talking about...

Yes, I was 6 or 7 when my 2nd grade teacher caught me drawing a man and women having sex and sent the picture home with my parents to have "the talk" with me. I had seen a picture in a book of a man on top of a woman and I figured out about the penis going in the vagina so my picture was quite graphic. I recall that my peers were in awe of the drawing as many had NO idea about the mechanics or that men and women even did that. I feel pretty embarrassed about it, looking back, but also a little proud that at least I had everything correct such that I wasn't passing on inaccurate information... just information that many of my peers were probably not at all ready for and I'm sure their parents heard about it later!

It's really hard to know when to start talking to your kids about this stuff and I know, for me, since I was obviously quite interested at an early age, it would have been beneficial to hear more than just body part names. It would have been healthy for me to hear more about WHY men and women do that, when it is safe (emotionally and physically) to do, etc. Kids are getting sexualized so early these days that I want to be sure that my children aren't walking around with unanswered questions that could make them vulnerable to unsafe situations and I want them to know they can talk to me about these things. I grew up with a very taboo feeling about sex and my changing body, so I had a lot of fears that got in the way of relationships and the taboo tactic really could have backfired and caused me to rebel in unsafe ways. I also plan on introducing my daughter to charting as soon as she starts menstruating so that she is not afraid of her fertility and there isn't this secrecy surrounding menstruation. At least that's the plan! Who knows if she'll be at all interested.

I'm with dashley and Jaime - Kieran (now 3.5yrs) has always heard proper body part names, and we've been very open about how babies develop in the uterus, and that babies come out of the mama's vagina. I've told him his own birth story many times - for awhile he was requesting it as a nightly bedtime story.
When he has asked in the past how baby gets in the uterus, I've told him that mama has an egg and papa has a sperm, and we watched that video (it circulated on FB for awhile) that shows a really cool computer generated sperm fertilizing the egg, then the baby develops.
That has satisfied him so far.

The other day, he had just gotten out of the shower and was admiring himself in the mirror, and he said "mama, I love my testicles." I said, "did you know what is in your testicles?" He said, "no, what?!" I said "sperm!" He said, "sperm? Like in a baby?" I said yes, that it was the same sperm needed to make a baby. He was thoughtful for a minute and then said, "mama, how does the sperm get out of my testicles?" I said, "it can come out of your penis." He giggled like a fiend. A few minutes later he said, "mama, I don't want to be a papa when I grow up." I asked why, and he said "because I don't want sperm to come out of my penis." I told him that he never had to be a papa if he didn't want to be. But inside I was thinking, just wait, kid!

Mama to DS (12/11/07) and partner to DH (08/08). Expecting #2 late November 2011!

I'm with dashley and Jaime - Kieran (now 3.5yrs) has always heard proper body part names, and we've been very open about how babies develop in the uterus, and that babies come out of the mama's vagina. I've told him his own birth story many times - for awhile he was requesting it as a nightly bedtime story.
When he has asked in the past how baby gets in the uterus, I've told him that mama has an egg and papa has a sperm, and we watched that video (it circulated on FB for awhile) that shows a really cool computer generated sperm fertilizing the egg, then the baby develops.
That has satisfied him so far.

The other day, he had just gotten out of the shower and was admiring himself in the mirror, and he said "mama, I love my testicles." I said, "did you know what is in your testicles?" He said, "no, what?!" I said "sperm!" He said, "sperm? Like in a baby?" I said yes, that it was the same sperm needed to make a baby. He was thoughtful for a minute and then said, "mama, how does the sperm get out of my testicles?" I said, "it can come out of your penis." He giggled like a fiend. A few minutes later he said, "mama, I don't want to be a papa when I grow up." I asked why, and he said "because I don't want sperm to come out of my penis." I told him that he never had to be a papa if he didn't want to be. But inside I was thinking, just wait, kid!

That is too cute! I guess I just don't want the kids to misuse the words....

My girls know the proper names for everything, really, I just haven't discussed their own vaginas as nothing is going on there yet. They know the baby is in my uterus and will come out of my vagina. They have never asked about their own. They will tell me if they have a problem with their vulva, though! It's odd... Neither of them have been openly curious about their bodies, even when really young. They never ask questions! Maybe they are really modest... I swear, I didn't do it! I'm very open!!

My cute story: when dd2 was born, dd1 was 2.5 yrs. One day, we were admiring cute little naked dd2.... Saying things like, "look at your cute little nosey!" etc. Dd1 looks at dd2 and in a cutesy baby voice says, "look at your cute little vulva!" I thought it was hilarious! We had a little (nice) talk about personal areas after that.

That is too cute! I guess I just don't want the kids to misuse the words....

I think it's *more* important to teach kids the correct names for all of their parts - one of the biggest frustrations to police/social workers (and heck, parents) is that kids might not be able to tell them exactly what happened in a horrifying situation of sexual abuse. IMO Kids need to be given the power to know their own bodies. Bodies are fascinating, yes, and I'm sure you will have a funny story about a word being said in the company of others, but I think that is SO common that it's nothing to worry about. KWIM?

TalkToMeNow - love it!! Kieran has said something like that too, I can't remember what the context was though.

Mama to DS (12/11/07) and partner to DH (08/08). Expecting #2 late November 2011!

I am SO glad to hear this! My 4.5 year old has been telling random people that he will poop on their heads and the more people react, of course, the more he does it.

We are religious, and my kids (4.5 and 3.5) were satisfied with we prayed to Gd to give us a baby and He decided this was a good time. They've asked how it will come out, and I explained that women have a special hole in their bodies called a vagina where babies can come out, and after checking to make sure they came out from there too, they were fine with that. The four year old asked whether the baby could fall out early and I explained that it doesn't usually open up until it is time for the baby to come out but sometimes a baby does come early and then it can be very sick. My four year old knows that the baby is in a special place called the uterus inside my tummy; my three year old tells everyone that Mommy has a baby in a ball in her tummy (because that's what it feels like to him when he asks to touch the place the baby is).

Our rule of thumb in dealing with kids is never to lie to them. (I fully believe that prayer had a great deal to do with this baby.) So I may simplify as much as I can, but if they ask follow up questions, I answer honestly. It's happened before that I've told my son I would answer a question when he was old enough to understand the answer better, and (surprisingly, considering his curiosity) he accepted that without any trouble. I don't think I'd say that for a biological process, though. I think it was when my mother-in-law's best friend was dying and he wanted to understand how they knew she was dying and what inside her made her sick enough to die. We talked to him about the basics of cancer, but I decided the gruesome details about which body functions were shutting down how and why could wait until he had a better sense of anatomy. We got a book on skeletons and started discussing the body in general, to give him some context, but he wasn't interested, so I told him we'd wait for the greater explanation until he understood more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jaimee

Dd is 4.5 and full on into pee, poop, penis, vagina stage. A frequent exclamation from here is "I just pooped on your face!" Lovely. And just the other day she was apparently having a conversation with her little friend (who is almost 5) and was talking about how she has a vagina and her brother has a penis. The friend ran to her father and exclaimed that my dd was using "potty language." Sigh... At any rate, that story explains where we stand on the body part issue. We have always used the correct terms and she knows that babies grow in my tummy and come out my vagina. She also knows that daddy put sperm inside my vagina with his penis and that is how the baby was made. She kept asking clarifying questions so we kept adding details until she had all the facts. I'm not sure if she remembers it all, but she sure is fascinated by body parts these days!

I agree that it's best to start extremely simple and get more detailed depending on the questions they ask.