What is on my mind?
Some of my thoughts, opinions, observations,experiences, and articles of interest.
Names, dates and descriptions have been changed to protect clients.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Call girl by Jeannette Angell and how she spoke to me

I mentioned before that there are very few books on Callgirls, escorts that have made an impression on me, but this one really spoke to me.

I want to share some of the things that made an impression on me.

Jeanette mentions in Chapter three that she was not willing to give up her real career, however an arrest would have done that in a heartbeat.

Fortunately Jeanette worked for an agency, and made it clear to the owner of the agency that she only wanted to see regulars, in the hope that she would not bump into people from her other life.

I can identify with this, in that I have other commitments, and do not relish the thought of bumping into a colleague from my other life.

In Chapter three Jeannette recalls a conversation that she had with her agency owner, after a negative incident, and remembers that the agency did not warn her about what she was going into. She acknowledges that she would not have taken the booking if she had known, but she feels she still should have been told.Jeannette recognises how all the compassion and understanding that followed was calculated.

Agency owners have to protect their girls. I feel strongly about this. This is what part of the fee is for. I have had little experience of agencies, but hear stories from friends, and some stuff, is similar to what Jeanette raises.

In Chapter four Jeanette talks about her experiences with a client with challenging behaviour. She acknowledges that there was only so much she could take, despite being paid 1000 dollars for the booking. She raises the dilemma for her being, not so much having sex for money. The difficulty was not being able to tell racist,sexist, self-absorbed assholes like this client what you really think of them.

I agree with Jeanette.You never know who you will meet in this job. There is only so much you can pick up in a phone conversation, and email. There are certain subjects that I avoid with clients, because I know that I feel too strongly about them. I feel so strongly about some things, that if a client let me know ahead of time, that they held certain views, then I would not meet them.

In Chapter six Jeanette mentions that a sure thing is not a sure thing until the money is in your pocket, and you are on your way out the door. Jeanette feels that regulars have the advantage of being a known factor in a swirling sea of unknowns.She feels that you have to be on, all the time. She says that taking an acting class might be the best way to prepare for this job. From the moment the door opens your committed to getting paid, and hopefully a client will request you again. Being exactly who he wants you to be. Regulars are a relief from that uncertainty, that edge. Regulars mean you can relax a little. You know what to expect with them, what they like and do not like, and how the visit will go.

I have mixed feelings about this. Some days I only want to see regulars, and more so when I read about increasing attacks on escorts. I am not suggesting that I could not be attacked by a regular. In fact, I have had regulars rip me off, which was a total wake up call.

Jeanette raises something really interesting issues about belief systems, and how she was challenged by her students. She then gives some thought to what she has learned from her students in a meeting with a client. She was about to meet a client, and when she got to his hotel, her thoughts are that she would like a client to conform to her idea of how a man should behave. She realises that these are her needs and values, and preconceptions at work. On reflection she realises that she is a traveler in her client's world, and wonders how she can learn about him, and make him feel good about the visit.

In Chapter seven Jeanette talks about how important it is to have someone to talk to about this job, and relates to how murderers feel driven to confess their crimes. She says every human action needs a witness. We do not exist in a void, and we do not think of ourselves outside of a context.

I believe this is so true. I have been so relieved to meet other escorts who I can share my thoughts and concerns with. I have read on messageboards how important it is for people to exchange information, as they cannot share this life with their friends or family. Some people see the messageboards as lifelines.

Jeanette is aware that if anyone knew that she was a Callgirl, her career would be over. No community college would hire her. No one would be able to define why the two were incompatible, but everyone would be sure they were.

Sadly, this is true. I still do not know of an employer who would be comfortable with a member of staff being a Callgirl. There is a stigma out there.

The other issue that Jeanette raises, that I agree with, is that most people think that because a Callgirl works professionally, she must be a nymphomaniac. She asks us whether psychologists beg to analyse people on their time off.

In Chapter eleven, Jeanette says that a few clients want details about your real life. Her theory is that it gives them a frisson of something forbidden. Knowing personal details about a callgirl. She usually made those stories up. She did not want people knowing about her or prying into her life, pretending that they had a right to be a part of it for anything more than the required hour.

One of Jeanette's students discloses that her mother is not happy with her taking a class on prostitution. What this raises for Jeanette is how would this student's mother feel if she knew that the instructor was in fact a prostitute!

In Chapter twelve Jeanette tells us how her agency would encourage her to lie about her description. She says that no client would have considered seeing her, if she told the truth. But once they did see her, she never had any complaints.

I think things have changed with the internet now,where people have photos. However you still read complaints about the girl who turns up,is not the person in the pictures.

In Chapter thirteen Jeanette says that while she was working for the escort service, she never confused what she was doing with anything else.The words may have been the same, the acts and gestures may have been the same, but it was work. She believes that there are very few callgirls who are able to make this differentiation; and those who cannot do not survive.

I have to agree with her. I am not saying that callgirls cannot have relationships with clients. Some do, and it works, but most of these relationships are problematic.

Jeanette tells us how some of the men she saw were so naive, gullible. You do everything you can to make them feel good, to make them feel princely, and they believe it. She says that is the most amazing part. Men who are rapacious in the boardroom, who could spot a securities fraud a mile away, these are the men who will believe anything that you tell them, as long as it is positive, as long as it is about their sexual performance. She says that many times, a client has listened to her sing his praises and then comment on how she was hot for him. She would listen and wonder in astonishment how an intelligent person could fall for something so blatant.

She tells us how sometimes you can muddle through the hour. That one of the great things about the job is; no matter how awful things get you can glance at your watch and tell yourself in thirty minutes this guy is history. You will never have to deal with him again.

In Chapter eighteen, Jeanette tells us what she feels clients like, she acknowledges she is generalising. She feels that clients are phenomenally particular about how a girl looks. She feels that almost all of them are into control.

In Chapter twenty one Jeanette gives us her view on relationships with clients. She says if you have any sense you do not have a relationship with a client. She knows women who did, and it did not work. She says that the fact that the relationship began on such drastically uneven footing can never be erased. For one thing the man assumes that the sex will always be the same as when it was professional. A prostitute's job is to make him feel good; her needs and desires and preferences are irrelevant. So she spends an hour intensely focused on him. Once they are in a relationship together, that intensity fades. She cannot fail to disappoint because she is now human. subject to headaches, mood swings, and her own wants and needs.

In Chapter Twenty two Jeanette tells us that women leave and come back to the industry because they miss it. They miss whatever it did for them. or because there is not a lot of work out there that pays as well. A lifestyle becomes a habit if you do not watch out. She says she was lucky because she knew from the beginning it was not forever. She knew that her tenure was finite, that time and gravity would take their toll on her body, that she would eventually encounter a situation that her beleaguered ethics could not justify away. She knew from the beginning that it was not her real life. It was wonderful in part, because she knew it was temporary. Knowing that she could leave it without destroying herself in the process.

I have seen women retire and return numerous times, it has become a standing joke.

I think some women return because they miss the money, and the lifestyle. I think some may feel they have no other options. I cannot speak for everyone out there, but I think these may be some of the reasons why.