Bush and the Spanish Inquisition

2009-03-30

Category:politics

Spain has decided to charge several members of the Bush administration with crimes against humanity. (Read an ABC News story here.) It seems that maybe some of the former president's underlings may have sanctioned a little torture. It occurred to me that they probably didn't expect that, and those thoughts led to the obvious Monty Python quote.

Knowing that the former members of the LibertyBob Psychic Department, or "Mindiacs" as they like to be called, are all living on the streets, I offered one a half-eaten cheeseburger and a warm beer to channel a member of the original Spanish Inquisition to see what he had to think about it. Here's how it went.

LB: Oh, much better, you're in Iowa. But never mind that for now, I have some questions for you.

BW: Always happy to help.

LB: Good. Officials from your home country of Spain are charging former Bush administration goons for their activities related to torture. What do you think of this?

BW: Oh, I am much glad to see these charges brought. What those men did was disgraceful.

LB: So, you think their torture activities were wrong?

BW: Most Definitely. Back in my day, we could have gotten any one of those detainees to confess that the sky was orange and his mother was a deformed acorn. We really knew how to torture back in my day, I tell you.

LB: I see. You know, the charges aren't because they tortured poorly. The charges are because the Spanish courts consider torture to be a crime against humanity.

BW: What? The infidels! When I get them into my dungeon I will purge wickedness from them until they cry for enlightenment and that their mothers were not deformed acorns.

LB: We will all look forward to that. So you have anything else to say before you return to the afterlife?

BW: Hi, mom!

LB: Thank you.

With that done, I decided to take advantage of the Mindiac to get some insights on how this will turn out.

LB: So, does your ability to predict the future tell us anything about how this will play out?

MINDIAC: Uh, yea, but I'd rather not say.

LB: Why not?

MINDIAC: I gathered a bunch of cans and bottles and redeemed them and took the money and placed a few bets. If I tell anybody what's going to happen, then it might change the flow of things and I could lose my bets.

LB: You won't even give us a hint? Not even for an anti-purgative to help you keep that cheeseburger down?

MINDIAC: (swallowing to keep something from coming up) No, I really shouldn't. But I will say this much, they just better be glad that the Spanish courts don't know that one of the detainees who was tortured was a deep cover Israeli agent. If that ever got out, things would get ugly. That's just between you and me though, right boss?

LB: (Looking up from the transcription machine) Uh, sure, just between you and me.

At that point the Mindiac looked like he could hurl at any moment, so I assisted him quickly out the back door and into the alley. Hopefully, we've all learned something today.