Lying is rampant on dating sites, new study suggests

More than half of online daters (54%) say dates have “seriously misrepresented” themselves in their profiles, according to a major new study by Pew Research Center’s “Internet & American Life Project.” And, more worryingly, 28% of online daters say they’ve been contacted by someone through an online dating site or app in a way that made them feel harassed or uncomfortable. Women are much more likely than men to have had a bad experience: 42% of female online daters versus just 17% of men.

Of course, if polygraph tests were a part of courtship, the human population would be on the decline. Some amount of dishonesty has always been a part of dating, says Dan Slater, author of “Love in the Time of Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating.” Men will add one to two inches in height, while women will shave 10 pounds off their weight, he says. “If I meet a woman in a bar I obviously can’t lie about my height or weight or hairline. But my internship suddenly becomes a promising middle management job,” he says. “Life is a series of small and large lies—and a lot of the misrepresentation is in the eye of the beholder.” (We may actually believe we still look the same as we did in that vacation photo from 2005.)

The process of online dating—messaging back and forth for a day or a month before actually meeting—gives people a lot of time to invent a fantasy of the other person, only to have their dreams dashed within the first 15 seconds of meeting, Slater says.

Plus, technology helps conceal Mother Nature’s handiwork. Airbrushing software programs like Photoshop and photo-filtering apps like Instagram can help erase wrinkles and turn a pasty complexion into a sun-kissed glow. More online daters in the U.S. (53%) than the U.K. (44%) lie on their profiles, according to a survey by global research company Opinion Matters, which was commissioned by BeautifulPeople.com, a dating website where members vote on whether or not to accept new members.

What’s more, only 23% of online daters have ever met a spouse or long-term partner via an online dating site or app, according to Pew. About 5% of all Americans who are currently married or in a long-term partnership say that they met their partner online—on a dating site or social-networking site, although that rises to 11% for those who met in the last 10 years. Still, the industry is worth about $1.2 billion, up 4% from a year ago, according to a report by research firm IBISWorld.

Is it worth it? The project didn’t set out to calculate the return on investment, says Aaron Smith, a senior research at the Pew Internet Project and co-author of the report. But he notes that marriage rates have been declining over the last five decades—51% in 2010 versus 72% in 1960—and are currently at a record low. “Clearly the fact that people are having trouble finding a spouse is part of a much broader trend that extends well beyond the confines of the online dating world,” he adds.

Social networking also provides a free alternative to dating sites: 31% of social networkers used these sites to check out someone they used to date or be in a relationship with, Pew found. The downside: More than a third of divorce filings contained the word Facebook, according to a 2011 U.K. survey by Divorce Online, a legal services firm. And, last year, over 80% of U.S. divorce attorneys reported a rise in cases using social networking, according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

Despite the pitfalls, Americans appear to enjoy the chase. Some 59% of people still say that online dating is a good way to meet people versus 44% in 2005, the Pew report found. Plus, one in 10 adults have used an online dating site, which makes it one of the most popular ways to find a partner, says Jeffrey A. Hall, assistant professor of communications at the University of Kansas. “The stigma of online dating continues to decline, particularly for those who have firsthand experience,” he says.

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