Month: November 2012

He doesn’t know the difference between Aero and Old Navy.
He’s never worn a pair of skinny jeans, or cool skateboarding sneakers.
He never went to college and doesn’t have any fancy papers to hang on the wall.
He wears his Carharrts til they are all worn down.
He works 10, 12 hours a day.
Hot and greasy. Tired and dusty.
I’ve seen this man use a wedge and sledge ,
and cleave a log like butter.
But I’ve seen those same two gnarled hands hold my four pound son
with just as much tenderness as he has strength.
I’ve seen him take the time to show a little boy the difference between an oak and a hickory.
And where a dog best likes their ears scratched.
He doesn’t have all the newest “stuff”, or know the latest songs.
He wouldn’t be able to tell you about the best restaurants, or the finest wines.
But,he knows how to start a fire outdoors, catch a fat fish, and make dinner with it in nothing but tinfoil.
Maybe he isn’t trendy. Maybe he isn’t what the world considers great.
But he just might be a little of what the world needs.
And he’s certainly what MY world revolves around.

You know when you have toddlers, or babies and you keep saying to yourself, in the words of Darius Rucker’s song , “It won’t be like this for long.” , that becomes your hope. Well, as a mother to a 14 year old, and a 12 year old, let me dash your hopes upon the cold , hard ,sticky linoleum floor. Recap of my day…….Awake at 1:00 am, whiny puppy. Awake at 3 am, whiny puppy. Awake at 5 30 am, whiny children. Stoke the stove, make breakfast, do math until numbers dance drunken patterns before my eyes. Try to decide if my stomach trouble is any of the following…….stress, medications, stomach flu, or a combination. Children hollering at me through the bathroom door. Home phone ringing. Cell phone ringing. Dog barges in on me in the bathroom. For crying out loud, shut the door!!! Cat barges in on me in the bathroom. Husband calls and says, “Sorry you had lunch hot and ready. I won’t be home until who knows when.” Cold lunch. Thought a nice hot bath would be just the ticket. Hot bath ended in cut leg from shaving, and a rash from the soap I decided to use. So, it’s not bottles , diapers and projectile vomiting. It’s dessicated banana peels under sloppy beds, and algebra homework. It’s not teething and pacifiers. It’s driving and “Momma, can I dye my hair blue?” So, for all you stressed out new moms, with the spit-up on your day old jogging pants……….just you wait……..

Like this:

You were the Diana to my Anne. Even though the hair colors were the other way around. You with the red, and I the raven . I was the one with the great ideas, leaky rowboat, anyone ? I was the one who could never turn down a dare. Walk a ridgepole on a roof? Ride standing up bareback while galloping? No problem. I was the tomboy with the frogs in coffee cans. You were always the voice of reason. As in , ” I don’t know about this!” “Are you sure this is a good idea?!?” But you never squealed on me, even though maybe sometimes you should have. You were the one who always knew the right and proper things to say. I was the one who blurted out a totally inappropriate (albeit truthful!) comment. I would definitely have been the one to talk you into jumping into Great-Aunt Jo’s bed in the middle of the night. We’ve had some of those not-so-bosom friend times, though. My fault, your fault, didn’t really matter. I always looked dreamily across the pond , writing melancholy poetry wishing I had taken a lock of your hair to weep over. But for all that, we are and always will be sisters. The Red and the Raven, with all the inside jokes that only we will ever know. And I can’t say that I can imagine anything better.

DAY ? ~ Whatever……..
After Thanksgiving, before Christmas. LETTER? X. What does the X stand for? I used to hate that in math. No. Today? The X is for the X in explanations. As in, explaining every day. “No. I don’t feel better .” “No. I don’t know when I will.” “Yep. I still have lupus.” “No. I don’t know when it will go away.” “Yes. I’m still tired.” “Yes, my hair is falling out.” “No, I don’t know when I can get off of the chemo.” “No. I don’t feel like, going out, visiting anyone, cleaning house, having company, cooking dinner, attending church, or even combing my hair.” I go ONE time a week to the grocery store, and it takes a WHOLE other week to recharge to do it again on Friday. If you throw a couple of mid week doctor appointments in there, then I’m no good to anybody.
I am totally NOT trying to sound cranky. I know everyone really genuinely wants to know how I am . But , I just don’t have any new NEWS.

And the bad thing is, as much as you love me, and I love each and every one of you, there is NOTHING you can do. You can pray. That’s it. I just don’t know what else to tell you. I could make it easy for everyone, I guess. I could say, “I’m fine.” But, it’s just not true. I’m not okay. I don’t know when I will be. But I love you all the same. Just let me breathe. Let me heal. Let me rest. Let me cry. Let me stay at home. Let me be the crazy , tired, goofy , grouchy, oddball I’ve always been. And I promise, when they announce a cure for lupus, I’ll be first in line. First to get it , and first to shout it from the rooftops!!
Thanks for being here for me through the walking dead stages……..love ya! ((HUGS))) 🙂

It’s not fair. I don’t belong in this dress.
Stupid pink bonnet. Choking me with it’s girliness.
And a purse?
I can’t put my baseball and dead bugs in this.
I need my rolled-up Levi’s and Chucks.
I want so badly to pull away from this picture,
because it isn’t showing me.
I don’t want to look at it now, five years , or even ten years from now,
because all I see now , and will see later, is a stranger standing there.
I see my best friend Jack standing across the street.
He’s laughing at me, and doing his best imitation of a ballerina,
just to mock me.
He’ll see.
This pink coat won’t keep me from blacking his eye.
It’s not fair. I don’t belong in this dress.

Like this:

Did you ever wonder about all these super-villains in the movies and comics? Have you ever noticed that they all have the same goal? “To rule the world! Bwhahahahahahahahahaha, evil laughter here. I just got to thinking about it this morning. ( What with it being election day and all, lol) And I thought , “Why?” Why would you WANT to rule this crazy mixed up planet? Seriously. I love people, well, most of them, anyway, but I have absolutely NO desire to be in charge of any more of them than I am now. I mean , I do well to keep my two rugrats in line, much less the third rock from the sun. Super-villains would need more than just some kind of weapon to keep everyone in line, they ‘d also need mad people skills, which I don’t know if you’ve noticed, most of them seem to lack. By the way , this is not meant to be a political plug, as I don’t argue politics OR religion. I don’t think you’ll change anyone’s opinions on those two particular subjects, so best to steer clear. I guess my whole thought was that I don’t understand the desire to BE in a position of power. Yeah, you’d get all the glory, but you’d also get all the blame. Especially if you’re Loki. 😉