Fixing Your Fire [Honor] - 011 Imagined Honor

We will continue with the help of Hashem to discuss kavod (honor). Here we will discuss the particular kind of honor that stems from wind-of-wind-of-fire. “Fire” refers to honor, “wind-of-fire” refers to the movements towards honor, and “wind-of-wind” (of fire) refers to “gathered air” –the intangible and insubstantial.

Honor, as opposed to other kinds of pleasure, is a pleasure that cannot be tangibly felt. It is the most spiritual kind of pleasure that can be felt on our physical world. This is because honor is an offshoot of the heavenly realm, a higher level being revealed onto our own physical, lower realm. Therefore, we, who are on this lower, physical realm, cannot fully understand the pleasure of honor, because honor is really a force that is above human comprehension.

In terms of our personal souls, this manifests when a person encounters something where there is nothing substantial, yet even so, he “feels” something.

Delusions About Honor

A very good example of this is the power of imagination, where a person is thinking about something that is not real and nonexistent, nothing substantial. In the case of imagination, the person is thinking about the completely non-existent. The pleasure in honor is similar to this concept, but not quite. When a person enjoys honor, he is feeling that something exists. It is just that he doesn’t understand what it is, because it is above his comprehension.

Since honor is above our understanding, a person who feels it is involving himself with something that he cannot fully understand. Therefore, if a person tries to connect fully to the honor, it is a form of fantasy. Although there is something existing here, it is still a fantasy for him to try to reach it. For example, if a person tries to attain a higher spiritual level which he cannot reach right now, he is being delusional, even though that higher level exists, because since he cannot actually reach it, to try to reach it is fantasy.

To illustrate further, if a person thinks he has 100 dollars and he only has 50 dollars, he is fantasizing, even though there are 100 dollars existing on the world. He does not own the 100 dollars, so if he thinks he owns it, he is fantasizing.

Similarly, when a person wants to reach a higher spiritual level and then he tries to live on that level, when it is really above his actual level, he is living in a fantasy. This is a very common kind of fantasy, which envelopes the lives of many people.

This is not the simpler kind of imagination, where a person who doesn’t own a car imagines owning the car, or when a person dreams at night that he lives in a bigger house that he wants. Here we are talking about a different kind of imagination, where a person imagines something that exists, but which is not within his reach, and he imagines that he has attained it. When people try to reach higher levels that are not within their reach, they are being delusional.

Honor is the higher realm being revealed within the lower realm. Therefore, the higher level does exist in the lower realm. This is what allows people to have delusions about feeling that they are honored [when, in reality, they are not being honored].

We will soon give some examples of the concept, but the idea is that honor connects a person to a higher level, and therefore the pleasure in honor is not a total delusionary experience, because it is existing [and since it is not totally delusional, the person convinces himself that he is really being honored, or he exaggerates the feeling of honor upon experiencing a bit of it].

If a person is experiencing honor and he is aware that it is just an offshoot of something from the higher realm that is becoming manifest on the lower realm, and that it is not the actual revelation of the higher realm - then he wouldn’t be delusional about the honor. But when this understanding about honor is missing, a person will connect himself fully to an intangible experience of honor, which only exists in the world of fantasy. When a person gets used to this, it can eventually lead to fantasizing about things that are totally delusional.

Imagined Honor

To give an example of what this is, if you ask a first grade child who his friends are, and he answers you that it’s so-and-so and so-and-so, the child’s answer is not necessarily a reflection of the reality, and if you investigate, you may discover that the truth is totally not like what he says. The “friends” that he claims of are not actually his friends at all, and he really has different friends. The child, though, is perceiving his reality in a certain way, because wishes to have social standing amongst these “friends”. This is the trait of honor at work, which can easily fool his perception of reality.

Many people think that they are honored by others for various things they do, but the truth is that if we ask around, we will see that no one is consciously trying to honor those people. If we say to the person who thinks he is honored, “Do you think that others honor you and know who you are and what you do and value you and consider you important?” he will not even be in doubt about this; he is sure that others are honoring him and valuing him for what he does.

Others have the opposite problem, and they think that they are not respected or valued by anyone, because they suffer from a low self-image. But here we are talking about a person who does have a positive self-image, who may have a problem of being delusional about honor: he thinks that everyone around him honors and values him and recognizes his worth, and if we examine the situation a bit deeper, we may discover that this is not the case at all.

Why would a person fool himself and convince himself that he is so honored by others? It is because honor is a heavenly force, which is above human comprehension. When a person does not know how to interpret it precisely, he will connect himself to a revelation of honor that does not exist!

Imagined Honor\Good Feeling That Comes From The “Air” (Atmosphere) Around A Person

Usually the person is not being a complete fool when he feels that he is honored by others. If he feels that others honor and value him, it must be that there is a certain pleasant atmosphere around him, which gives him a good feeling about himself. From there, he interprets the general “good feeling” that’s “in the air” around him, expanding upon this feeling and exaggerating it. But the good feeling of honor that he subsequently feels from this is not real, and therefore he is connecting himself to something that is way beyond him, which is not within his actual reach.

This idea envelopes a person entirely, and its root is in the trait of honor, as we are explaining here. So far, we have explained one area in how it manifests in the soul.

A large part of a person’s life is dependent on the “air” (atmosphere) around him. There may be a simchah (celebration), event, or some experience, which is pleasant, where it is not possible to actually pinpoint where the pleasant feeling is coming from. It is simply the pleasant “atmosphere” that the person is enjoying. If a person went to a certain place and he was happy there or sad there, he might be aware if he was happy or sad there, but many times cannot pinpoint what exactly made him happy or sad there. It all depends on the atmosphere there, the “air” that’s there.

Can someone go to a certain place or event and tell if the “air” there is good or not? It is something inner, which each person interprets differently. If a person went on a vacation to a certain place and he enjoyed it there, sometimes he can pinpoint what he enjoyed: It was a calm and quite place to be in, it settled his mind, etc. But sometimes the answer is very vague: “The air (or atmosphere) was good there.” He is not describing anything tangible.

This is also very commonly experienced on the festivals, such as when sitting by the Pesach seder, where most people will feel that there is something “uplifting”, and surely it is, but the feeling is not coming from anything tangible. It is just coming from the “air” there….

We should understand this deep point, that there are people who live their entire lives until death, based upon the kind of “air” around them. Sometimes the “air” feels like the beginning of the week or season, the middle of the week or season, or the end of the week or season, and sometimes this “air” depends on the age of the person or stage of life a person is at. But in either case, living life in this way is to constantly try to hold onto something that isn’t tangible.

Spiritual Elation In The “Air”

In the world of Avodas Hashem as well, this idea of the “air” (or atmosphere) really comes to play.

For example, a person will say that he received tremendous chizuk (inspiration) from learning a certain sefer, and he won’t be able to name exactly how he has been inspired. He will just say something like, “It was so uplifting!” But if we ask him what exactly affected him in the sefer, he can’t name anything specific. He may say, “Every word in this sefer is gold!” But what is it that affected him? “After I learned this sefer, my entire reality changed.” He just can’t pinpoint it exactly. There are many other expressions as well a person may use, but the point is that there is nothing tangible in what he has felt.

Sometimes this is only on a smaller scale, regarding a certain stage or event in a person’s life. But in other cases, a person is living his entire life based upon the feelings of elation that come from “atmosphere”, which cannot be tangibly felt and named for what it is. When a person lives in this way, it is actually destruction to his soul. It is just gathering heaps and heaps of air, and this becomes the person’s entire life! He does not live with any clear definitions of anything, just feelings of general elation.

For example, if a person goes to hear a mussar shmuess during the Three Weeks, and he is asked what he heard in the speech, he might say something like: “The speaker was bringing us into the atmosphere of the Three Weeks.”

Although there is something true to what he is saying, he is not pinpointing exactly why we must mourn during the Three Weeks. He cannot define it exactly, he just knows that the general atmosphere of the Three Weeks is to feel mournful. To him, Tisha B’Av is the “atmosphere” of Tisha B’Av, a mournful atmosphere; Yom Kippur to him is nothing except an “atmosphere” of purity, something which can be felt in the “air” on Yom Kippur. Although there is something truthful to what he is saying, a person cannot build his life [spiritual speaking, in his avodas Hashem] upon what the air\atmosphere around him is like.

There are people who live based upon the atmosphere around them. They feel the “air” and mood of the Three Weeks, then they move on to the “air” and mood of vacationing during Bein HaZemanim, and then they enter into the “air” of Elul, and before they know it, they have gone through the “air” of the Yomim Noraim and Succos; then comes the “air” of the winter season, etc. That is how they live. Every situation and point in their life to them has no clear definition to it, and it is just the “air” around them. That is wind-of-wind-of-fire.

The Problematic Attitude Towards Learning Mussar

Any sensible person understands that when a person is always identifying with something intangible, this is clearly fantasy. But what isn’t as obvious is when a person is feeling something real, but it cannot be clearly defined or understood. This is a very encompassing nature of the soul which affects many areas.

When it comes to learning Gemara, the words of Abaye and Rava, generally speaking, a person will not feel that there is some kind of “air”\atmosphere to the words of Abaye and Rava. The words of the Gemara, with the commentaries of the Rishonim and Acharonim, are all definitions; there is no “air” here. Though a person can also be amazed on an emotional level when he hears a certain novel Torah insight, generally speaking, a person does not feel the “air” in the words of the Gemara he is learning.

The same goes for learning halachah, where person must learn what the definition of the halachah is, and there is no way for a person to get a vibe of it based on its “air”, because it is clearly defined. It is defined information which needs to be learned and then acted upon in the practical sense.

But in the area of learning mussar (ethics or self-discipline) this concept of feeling the “air” comes more into play, where it becomes a problematic attitude. Reb Yisrael Salanter said that when learning mussar, one should learn the words “with a mournful voice”. This is be erroneously understood by many people that learning mussar should feel like an inspirational kind of air\atmosphere, or a kind of atmosphere that “demands truth”, or other preconceived notions that people may have about mussar.

But mussar is not really a concept that we need to understand. We all “know” the fundamentals of mussar. We all know “know” the definition of zehirus, and chessed, etc. So what does mussar teach? It seems to many people that mussar is defined by the “air” that mussar gives off, the atmosphere of learning mussar, which causes us to live what we know. This erroneous attitude towards mussar is not uncommon, and it affects all of a person’s avodah.

A person can learn mussar for many years, yet he is involved with learning something intangible. With such a perspective, mussar will be dependent on the mood, tone, the “air”. When a person feels uplifted, the “air” feels inspiring, and he may perceive this as “greatness of mind” or “opened heart” or “paying attention with the heart”; and when he feels down in his spirits, the air around him feels like “smallness of mind”, or “closed heart”, but he doesn’t feel anything tangible.

If a person learns Chovos HaLevovos even for a long time [where the chapters are arranged in the form of “gates”], he may view it as “gates” becoming opened to him, without knowing exactly what these “gates” are. Is it the “fifty “gates of understanding”? What new things in Chovos HaLevovos has he now learned, which he didn’t know beforehand? He may not pinpoint exactly what new things it taught him, and he will just say that the words of the Chovos HaLevovos have certain “power” or potency to them, but he can’t define it exactly.

A person should really know what a sefer has taught him, what he didn’t know beforehand and what he has now learned. If not, he is just gathering air, and any of the inspiration he felt was just temporary and fleeting, nothing substantial that stays with him afterwards.

Earlier, we described the problem where a person perceives a certain feeling based on the “air” or atmosphere around him. But when this problem is brought into one’s Avodas Hashem, it causes a person to think that all of Avodas Hashem is based on the inspiration in the “air”.

From a true perspective, any sensible person knows that mussar contains certain definitive concepts, no less definitive than the definitions found in the Gemara. It is all one Torah, and the Torah is all about clearly defined concepts. But not everyone is aware of this, and therefore they view it based on the vibes they’re getting from the “air” around them when learning. With this perspective, a child will not be able to feel the elation in the air around him, and he doesn’t have a developed mind yet, so he will view matters of Torah as nothing but something interesting to think about, but not more than that.

We are describing a problem in which a person connects to something where it is not based upon reality, and it is instead based upon the vibes he is getting in the “air”\atmosphere around him.

Accurately Feeling The Inspiration “In The Air”: Only After Giving Clear Intellectual Definition To Something

Now let’s see what the truthful way of living is.

Is there such a thing as picking up certain vibes from the kind of air\atmosphere that’s in the place? Of course it exists. But it is only to be considered as real after a person can clearly define what is there, and upon that, he can then feel the elation in the air that’s there.

The true meaning of a Torah scholar is that he can give clear definitions to what he’s involved with, whether he’s dealing with a matter of intellect or a matter of emotional. There are always definitions, whether it is an area of halachah, Gemara, and mussar. Even the elation experienced on a festival has a clear definition to it; and each of the festivals has its own specific points that inspire a person. Pesach contains a certain kind of inspiration, when it comes to certain points; Shavuos inspires a person in other areas, and Succos provides inspiration in other points, etc.

There are always two parts in whatever a person is involved with – the intellectual definition of the matter, as well as the emotion towards that matter. Once there is a clear definition in place, a person can then have a more accurate emotional reaction towards it, and he will accurately feel what’s in the “air” there. From a deeper understanding, the intellectual definition of a matter tells us what’s in the “air” in a place.

When learning Gemara and halachah, people are familiar with the concept of giving definitions. When learning matters of Agadta (ethical teachings of the Gemara) though, there is less awareness of this concept that one must give definitions to the concepts he is learning about. If you have ever learned the sefarim of the Maharal, you can see that all matters of Agadta in the Gemara are based upon certain intellectual definitions. The definitions may be too abstract to comprehend, but they are still clearly defined.

When it comes to learning mussar as well, many are not aware that these are matters based upon certain intellectual definitions. When a person learns sefer Orchos Tzaddikim, he sees the words of Chazal that explain why a certain trait is praiseworthy, and how it can also be detrimental, when used incorrectly. That is the simple perspective, but if a person has a deeper understanding into the words of Chazal, he is aware that the words of Chazal are describing definitions of a matter.

It seems to a person when learning Mesillas Yesharim at first glance, that the levels of zehirus, zerizus, nekiyus, etc. are just praiseworthy levels to attain, and he sees why these are praiseworthy traits. But the concept of zehirus, let’s say, can be studied more in-depth in the words of the Maharal in Nesivos Olam. Then a person can go back to learning about zehirus in Mesillas Yesharim, and he will then see a different definition there.

When learning Agadta and mussar, and when it comes to all of a person’s avodah, there are certain definitions. When it comes a festival or a certain time of the year, a person can also give a definition to what is taking place. When it comes the Three Weeks, for example, a person can learn about what the Beis HaMikdash was like when it was built, what changed after it was destroyed, what we are now missing – and after that, he can become moved on an emotional level, until he cries. But there are exact intellectual definitions to it, just as in all other areas of Torah.

When a person gets used to this perspective, his intellectual perception of a matter will become sharper and clearer, and then he will know he’s feeling something tangible in the air around him when he’s feeling it.

Intellectually Connecting To A Festival, Then Emotionally Experiencing It

If the above has been understood, we can proceed to the next step.

The festivals are times of the year that have been sanctified by Hashem, with kedushah (holiness). What is the holiness of the festivals? For most people, the “time” is above their actual soul level, so the holiness of the time is also above them and therefore out of their actual reach; but through the light of the festival, a person can receive higher revelations that are really beyond his reach.

There is also a higher level where a person is above time, “Yisrael (the Jewish nation) is above time”, but most of the time, a person is “below” the level of time, and therefore he needs certain times of the year to provide him with the holiness that he normally can’t reach. So a person is usually below the plane of “time”, and the special time (of the festival) can shine holiness upon him. But why is it that many people will feel very high, elated feelings on the festivals? Is it because they are really comprehending and reaching these high, lofty levels of holiness?

Time is really above the person. On a festival, there are people who like to study highly spiritual matters, and they feel that since it’s such a special time, they have to grab onto it before it’s gone. But since time is above the actual level of most people, it can shine holiness onto them, but its revelations cannot actually be comprehended. This is similar to the concept of honor, as we explained earlier, that honor is really a revelation from Above, and it is above comprehension.

When it comes to gaining from the holiness of the festivals, a person really first needs an intellectual definition of a matter about the festival, and only after that can he feel the elation of it. After a person gives some definition to a concept regarding the festival at hand, there are one of two ways of how he becomes emotionally moved and inspired, feeling the “air” contained on the festival. Either he reviews and repeats the matter several times, or, if he possesses refined subtle thinking, he can be emotionally moved in his heart just from subtly reflecting into the intellectual definition.

There are two kinds of people who experience elation on the festival. One kind of person hears highly spiritual matters about the festival, which uplifts him, and a second kind of person hears a certain subtle definition which penetrates deeply into him, and that is what inspires him. Two people can hear the same words, but one person will hear the general concepts, on an external level, which can lead to inspiring him; and another kind of person will hear something subtle, and that is what penetrates his heart and inspires him.

Maturing Beyond The Level of Childhood Imprints

This leads us to the following point.

We all have childhood imprints, where our intellect wasn’t developed yet, where there was only a world of emotion and feelings, and that was how we connected then to anything we encountered. Many adults did not mature on their inside yet, and they are still like children, when it comes to how they perceive the spiritual. They continue to experience something based on the vibes they got from the air when they first experienced it.

For example, an adult may experience Pesach every year in the same way that he remembers it as a child. Although he has gone through Pesach over 30 times since then, his experience of Pesach is always a return to his childhood perception of Pesach. The same goes for all other festivals and times of the year.

One should become aware of what his childhood imprint of something is. There is certainly worth to the childhood imprint one has about something. But when a person has become older and he is now an adult, he must understand that just as a person must mature when it comes to the rest of life, so must he mature when it comes to spiritual matters. He should realize that his current perception towards the festival stems from his childhood experience of the festival, and after realizing that, he should then try to gain a more mature understanding of the festival.

Many times when people lose their childhood feelings towards the festival, they feel that they have undergone a descent in their level, wondering where their inspiration has gone. But the truth is that they did not undergo a spiritual descent. Rather, their imagined feelings have been steadily lessened, and now they have reached a point where they can no longer live with feelings that are not real. They experience this as a spiritual descent from their level, but in reality, it means the person has matured. It is the key to entering the reality correctly.

The new change of perception is that there will first be an intellectual definition given to what they are experiencing, and that is what leads them to emotional reaction.

Solving The Issue of Imagined Honor

Now that we have outlined the idea, let us return to discussing honor, and to see how this all applies in particular to rectifying honor that stems from wind-of-wind-of-fire.

When a person feels honor, in a large percentage of cases, the person is feeling something tangible; a person goes to a certain place and people are giving him actual honor there. But in a very large amount of cases as well, the honor that a person feels is being imagined. It is not happening in reality. Sometimes a person is genuinely honored, and sometimes the honor is false, but even when the honor is false, at least it is happening in reality, and there is someone here being “honored”. But in many cases, the honor is entirely being fantasized, and it is not real. The honor will only exist in the imagination of the person, who thinks that he is worthy of being honored by others.

How does a person leave imagined honor? It is by gaining the perspective we have explained here, of first giving an intellectual definition to the situation at hand, and only after that attempting to feel it.

When a person reacts to others first through his emotions, he will feel that others are honoring him – whether they are truly honoring him, or whether he is only imagining this. But if a person gets used to analyzing a matter first before reacting emotionally, by getting used to giving intellectual definitions, he will be distanced from having delusions about honor.

This is also helpful in avoiding delusion altogether, but we are not dealing with that here. Here we are only speaking of a specific kind of delusion, the problem of imagined honor. Getting used to applying definitions is a matter that weakens imagined honor. This does not directly attack the power of imagination\delusion. Rather, it is by keeping the focus of the work on giving definition to something, and as a result, the imagination will be weakened as well.

When a person gets used to taking apart a matter intellectually, when he encounters something that involves emotional feeling and he finds himself in wonder over something, he will see that the emotional feeling doesn’t match up with the intellectual definition of the reality before him, and then he will be able to dismiss the emotional feeling of wonder as insubstantial.

The words here are how a person can practically work on avoiding the entire problem of delusion caused by the power of imagination. It enables a person to have accurate, definitive thinking into anything before him, and it enables a person to accurately experience what he is feeling, when he encounters an emotion. He can think to himself: “What is the emotion saying? What is the intellectual definition of it saying? What is the contradiction between them?”

After noticing the contradiction, a person will then be able to chip away at the imagination which has been fueling his feelings about the matter – an inaccurate perception, nothing tangible and nothing substantial, like a tower floating in the air which has nothing to stand on. Impaired wind-of-wind-of-fire is the intangible, the insubstantial, which has no grounding in reality.

When a person gets used to giving intellectual definition to something and he is seeing how his emotional reactions are inaccurate and insubstantial, he will find himself becoming more in touch with reality. In fact, the more truly inward that a person becomes, the more realistic he is.

Our Entire Avodah: Becoming In Touch With Reality, And Distanced From Fantasy

There are those who think that “inward” people are less realistic kinds of people, but the truth is totally the opposite. True inward avodah is based upon reality. A person has to be as in touch with reality as can be, in order to connect to Hashem, Who is the true essence of reality.

This is really the deep ability to recognize havayah (reality) and to thereby run away from dimayon (fantasy). True recognition of the Creator is based upon distancing oneself from fantasy, and to instead recognize reality as it is.

On a deep level, everything in this world is like one big fantasy that obscures a person from recognizing the reality of Hashem. The more that the soul of a person becomes in touch with reality and distant from fantasy, the sharper level of recognition of Hashem it can come to. This concept, of becoming in touch with reality and distancing oneself from fantasy, is the very depth of all our avodah, for Reb Yisrael Salanter said that the power of imagination is the main force which obscures a person from recognizing the Creator.

In Conclusion

Here we did not speak about the general power of imagination[1], but about a heavenly power that manifests on this world (honor), which is the most subtle kind of fantasy that exists. Concerning this particular kind of fantasy (imagined honor), we have explained here that this stems from wind-of-wind-of-fire, and how this force can be rectified, with siyata d’shmaya.

[1] The ways to rectify the power of imagination in general are discussed in the Rav’s series Getting To Know Your Imagination