Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Do you have any idea how hard it is to update my blog every day, while reading my mail, taking care of my kids and house (ok, not so much the house this week), and saving all my best writing back for the book? Ugh. One of these days I'll get around to answering all your questions. Here's one for today.

Question of the day: "What is the funniest thing your kids have ever sneaked into a shopping cart?"

Not too long ago, while shopping at Target, my oldest put a tube of Boudreaux's Butt Paste (a brand of diaper cream) in my cart. He couldn't resist after reading the label because clearly, "butt" is the funniest word in the English language. In fact, the word "butt" when combined with any other word at all, makes for absolute hilarity. For example, "chickenbutt, juicebutt, bucketbutt, buttnose. It really doesn't matter at all what word you use. Anything with "butt" makes kids laugh. (Wow! Spellcheck sure didn't like my butt words.)I digress. Anyway, when we got to the check out, I pulled out the tube of butt paste. Puzzled, I held it up, saw the smirk on my son's face, and said, loudly enough for the cashier to hear, "Are you out of butt paste already? I didn't realize you needed more." I'm not sure if he was more embarrassed or more shocked that I made a joke out of it.

Quote of the day: "There's a mosquito bite on the door." ~Spaz This was right before he walked into my room carrying his Elmo pillowcase slung over his back, looking like Santa loaded down with toys. He brought the bag around and said, "Who wants a Christmas present?" to which I replied, "I do! I do!" He then reached into his Elmo pillowcase "bag" and brought out a 12 pack of toilet paper. Score! LOL!

Dawn, you are so fun! My kids do things like that all the time and I wish I had your ability to word it the way you do. I am tearing up because of it. I hope to get to know you even though you have about a billion and a half people saying so. I am the half, hehe.

I just came over to see your site after being forwarded you eBAy listing for the pokemon cards. Hah! That was hilarious! It's good to know that there are some other moms of big families out there with intact senses of humor!! :)

My little one loves the word butt, but (hahaha!) what makes it worse around here is hubby loves the word too. We can be sitting around watching TV and if "butt" is heard, both hubby and daughter start smirking, which turns into giggles, which turns into hubby making more butt comments.

But the worst of the worst is farts/poofs/gas etc. Here it is not just the words associated, but the act of, and the sound of that can make a grown 38 year old man giggle like a schoolchild and my 5 year old wet her pants, or better yet, throw up while wetting her pants.

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I have an almost 9 month old that when he "let's one", he'll turn around to either me or hubby and grin and giggle like it is the funniest thing in the world, which usually sets off a good hour of jokes.

you truely have a gift, my first thought when i read your ebay listing my friend emailed me was, 'scam', then i read on and i thought 'wow she needs to take growing kids gods way' then as i read on, i realized that i (mother of 3 little crazies) was STILL reading it, and i continued on to your blog... you have a gift, a real gift, i hope you can use it and put them all through college with your extra funds, or whatever you have planned for them. GOD BLESS YOU DEAR WOMAN!!!! as challenging as it is to be a mother, it is utterly rewarding... by the grace of God that is!!

HAH! That's great, I just found your E-bay auction (yes today... Because College students have absolutely NOTHING to do) on MajorGeeks.com .That's just great, I've always wanted kids and hearing all this just makes me want them more. Self-destructive? Yes. Amusing? Definantly. I worked at a pharmacy and they sold "Baby Butt Stuff". I'm serious... I, being such a mature woman, laughed every time I saw it.

I wish you to have hundreds of moments of fun with your children. And you better be sure that I'll buy your book once you publish it!

Yep, "butt" is pretty good. In this part of the world (Australia), it gets double bonus points cause round here we say "bum" not "butt", so "butt" not only presses buttons cause it's coarse, but you can get TWO buttons with one word because it's American too. You know when you find yourself saying "We're in Australia, we call it bum not butt" that THE KIDS ARE WINNING. And it's time for a cup of tea and a nice lie down. Or at the very least, to lock yourself in the bathroom for a bit and hope they forget where you are.

However your son is neglecting some other seriously valuable words. What about "Fart"?

I don't think there's anything in the supermarket here with bum, butt or fart on it. What an opportunity our marketers are missing out on by not appealling to the nine year old boys who like to sneak stuff into the trolley. My kids are stuck with the plain old pester power of begging for chocolate breakfast cereal and anything with football cards in it, dammit!

my husband is partial to "butt-nugget" We use Boudreaux's precisely because it is called Butt Paste. Thank goodness it works, too. Just to let you know--I really enjoy your blog, but you don't have to update it every day! Nobody else I read does. I don't blog, but I do know how hard it is to balance computer work with house and child work (albeit only three children). So fast from blogging a day or two a week and see if that helps. We'll still be here!

Okay, I've tried to resist the urge to write you, trying to be considerate of the fact that you have about a million people vying for your attention right now, as well as six awesome kids, but when I read that your baby's name is Brooklyn, I couldn't resist! We seem to have so much in common. I abolutely loved your ebay post and unfortunately could identify with it all too well. I felt an instant connection. I have seven amazing kids, ages 12, 11, 9,7,4,3, and six months. And my beautiful baby girl is also Brooklyn! Isn't it amazing the range of emotions these little darlings can put you through? I think I've hit everything today from awe at the perfectness of my baby girl, to complete exasperation with my son that magically needs to spend half an hour in the bathroom anytime I say the words "ten minute tidy up"(he knows what ten minutes means in the context of picking up a house that nine people live in), and disbelief that a three year old can repeat the same phrase for literally an hour in that half cry/half whine voice, only to find a new phrase when I finally learn to ignore the first one! Oh goodness, I've gone on way too long. Anyways, thanks for keeping the humor in one of the best and most difficult jobs there is. You're fabulous!

Too funny!That reminds me of a story I read once about a lady who was tired or her kids not ,imdimg while at the store, so she started to sing, rather loudly a little song about needing new underware! Needless to say the kids were embarrassed and after a few short times learned to behave or they would be the ones embarrassed!

I love the "butt" words. We come up with some doosies here. My favorite is when the sweet baby utters their first "butt" word and everyone is rolling on the ground laughing and Mom is trying to tell baby not to say that. The beginning of potty talk. Thanks oldest kids.

Thank you, Dawn, for helping me be a better mom. You came along just in time!!!xoxo

Pudding on the ceiling? I guess anything is possible when the least little object with six kids suddenly becomes a flying missile. This reminds me of my 13 yr old son who in the last yr or so has discovered how to do some light cooking ( high heat always). He is allowed to make grilled cheese and ramon noodles and things like that. Well one day I had a cleaning episode and started taking everything out of the cabinets and wiping them out. As I climbed upon my step ladder to reach the top shelf by the stove I looked up. There on my ceiling was a ramon noodle. I called him in and asked "why are there ramon noodles on my ceiling?" His response was,"Oh yeah, I was seeing if it was done.""You threw noodles on the ceiling to see if they were done? Why?""Sister told me that is the only way to tell of they were done."

Although noodles on the ceiling isnt as bad as pudding, I feel your "delight" for the little things that at times catch us off guard.

I hope you do put your stories in a book. Being married almost 20 yrs I have found that its not always the kids who put each other up to their "tricks", but Dad starts alot of them. I think in your book you should include his tricks. I have sent everyone I know your auction and evey read it over the phone to others, everyone has the same reaction, tears of laughter.Cant wait till you write more!Angela from Oklahoma

kids are funny...mine like the word toot....my two year old precious purple princess will butt (hee hee he there is that word) her booty up to me and let one rip. I am SURE she learned this from her bubba! then she will do the belly grabbing bend over and laugh thing!

goodness, I get to comment first?! You just crack me up...I didn't know there was a diaper cream so named. I am really enjoying your blog, I have 4 kids, you make me feel alittle on the calm side..in relation to your busy-ness.

what is it with butt? my kids find it hilarious too! I have also come to the realization (I've been in denial for a few years) that boys are gross, not like 4th grade cootie gross but everything they do is gross, most sentences have to do with potty words and lately he finds it the funniest thing to stick his finger up his nose in public and the more I tell him to get his finger out of his nose the further up it goes. Eventually he pulls it out and just for good measure sticks said finger in his mouth to see if he can make mommy throw up. I truly enjoy your blog! Not many people have more than 2 kids so I feel like I can relate! (I have 4) God Bless you today!!!

You forgot "butthead." All the words kids find funny.... Isn't it lovely? ;o) I always wondered if that particular butt paste was good. Maybe you should have bought it and posted on eBay as another one your kids got past you. Then you could actually take that money to the spa with you.... :o)May I join the masses in congratulating you on your success and saying just how much I think you should write a book and just how much you have brightened my days.......In fact my best friend and I talked about your eBay listing and blogs for nearly a half hour last week, and we decided that we knew quite a few people, besides ourselves, who would love to read your book. Or maybe even a paid column similar to this blog is also a good idea so you can keep it fresh. As if I'm the first person to say any of this...

As I've been reading your blog it has come up a few times that you are writing a book. You've been "talked to" by publishers and producers. I was wondering, had you started writing a book before all the media attention, or has the inquiries and requests of everyone inspired you to move ahead with it? I'm certainly enjoying your blog and am one of those readers who'd purchase a copy. ;-)

We have restricted certain words to the bathroom area. Othervise 50 % of our daily conversation will contain of variants of number one and number two, and frankly I have a limit how much I'll get from that.

I Can imagine you have no time on your hands atm .. Maybe it will ease off very quickly, then again it may be, just the beginning :)

I Would like a ask .. Do you want more kids? .. since Baby is only 1. I know some people are saying HUH !?!?! What a stupid question but I know from experience once you think you have had enough you seem to want "Just one more;)"

I hope you are getting help from hubby, kids and Grandparents :) Life is more important.. We are all checking several times a day if theres new posts But also understand you have 6 kids and a LIFE :)*hugs*-Debbie- xxSouth Australia

OHHH you are good! My son would have passed out cold!! By the way you are doing really good at keeping up here!! Hey you should have cashed the check you could have used it for a house keeper!! :) Enjoy your day!!Stacey

I just love you! I can't tell you how much I have needed this. You're hilarious & make me feel validated in my sarcastic mothering! (which not everyone gets) My kids prefer buttmunch! It is a VERY versatile word ya know, everything goes with butt!! ha ha- Kate

Frankly, I am super impressed that you are keeping up at all! While I've had no kids of my own, I have loved and cared for many and enjoyed a three-year stint as a nanny to three girls. Your blog brings sunshine to every day -- something I can use in my life right now! Count me among those who are looking forward to your book! :)

Your writing is fresh and honest and anyone with kiddos can relate. Be sure you get guidance (and representation) when you sign that book deal. (email me through my website and I'll be happy to share anything I know about the publishing world--which isn't that much, but it's nice to have a support system. AuntLaya.com)

Bless your heart for trying to update your blog every day for us eager fans who will always want more, more, more hilarious posts to read. We will survive if there comes a day when you just can't get a new post entered for us. We will probably groan, but we will survive.

You truly are as funny as Erma Bombeck and I think if she were still here, she would encourage you and enjoy you like the rest of us are!

I think the makers of Butt Paste have expert marketers! I wonder how many tubes have been stow-a-ways in shopping carts across America?! What other product has both a definite use and the ability to inspire uncontrollable laughter in children, men and gag-gifters?!

I have a quote for you! Just gonna paste a little excerpt from my blog, 'cause I'm too lazy to type it all again ;)

Kenz is growing up so fast .. getting too big for her britches, both literally and figuratively. She's taken to calling me "Woman" at times .. which threw me for a little while, but I finally figured out what was going on. *nods solemnly*

She came out from her shower the other day and looked at me very seriously .. I was wondering what was going on, figured she flushed something down the toilet or stopped up the bathtub ... but, she looked me square in the eye and said,

"Mom, I had a little pain right here in my chest," and pointed to the center of her chest. I looked at her kinda funny, wondering where this was going.

You did it again!! You reminded me of another formerly "lost" and forgotten memory.Once, while shopping at Christmas time, my youngest son, (who is clearly the comedian in our house), was standing just below and slightly to my left elbow. The line was one of those that had formed along a counter and so I had "rested" my items along it. There were about a dozen people in front of me and probably as many in back of me. As we moved forward, inch by inch, as I slide the items I intended to purchase along the counter, I accidently hit my son with my elbow. I said, "Excuse me". He replied, probably in his loudest voice ever, "what'd you do fart"?(Isn't it amazing the useless information that our minds can store?)

Just want to thank you for an amazing amusing read! Did you ever think when you first listed the cards on ebay you'd be WORLD famous? Yep you're now being passed around the UK and putting smiles on our faces. I thank you! I hope to read your book and maybe even a series of bookes on your wonderful family.

That is awesome! My DS often comes up with some interesting statements too and I really think that I need to start documenting them so that he can laugh at himself later as much as we laugh at him now!

I just read your ebay auction, and your blog… wish you had won the money from a non friend. Your writing style is great, you will make it as an author.. you know you have perseverance, will power, and the ability to keep a positive outlook in life!

I would like to promise here and now never to complain about dragging my lazy bottom to the supermarket with 1 child in tow. I will never again complain when we are at the store and she wants to sit in the cart.

I will pay my (apparently) OUTLANDISH, LAVISH, ABSURD, shopping bill quietly – how can she feed 8 people for $280, I feed 2 (plus a husband who eats oatmeal for breakfast and gets home from work at 9pm) on $200 + a week…heck I spend $15 a week feeding my puppy…. I need to take shopping lessons from her!

I will not look longingly at large families and say wow, that is so great you must love having all those kids when I see them shopping.

I will be honest and admit that I don’t food shop because dragging my 1 child to the store is to stressful so my husband (the one who is never home) does it for me on Saturday, He goes back Sunday when I realize my list missed stuff, He stops at whole food Monday when there is stuff “I” just could not at the supermarket, He stops on the way home Tuesday because I just couldn’t get there to pick up that thing I missed all the other days he went, and of course by Wednesday we need fresh fruit so back he goes…bananas really don’t stay very long  and on Thursday you ask … he stops for himself because he something, on Fridays well we usually are tired (from avoiding the supermarket all week) so he stops at the local restaurant if he is coming home early and picks up dinner …if he is coming home late he might stop for himself and bring it home

Just to be fair, I do the ‘wal-mart’ run for cleaners and bulk items, I do the wash (except his shirts they go to the cleaners), homeschooling, driving around NJ (okay so he works in NYC), and I fix anything that breaks in the house (I am a wiz with plumbing, locks, staining decks, painting, grouting, but I don’t do electrical).

Hmmm…. Looking at this I will add that I promise to figure out what the heck I actually do all day. I have 1 kid and now 1 puppy and yet I never seem to have time to get anything done.

Dawn - I wanted to let you know you were on my mind while shopping with my 3 girls yesterday. Thinking of your ebay posting made me laugh out loud to the point my kids were asking what was so funny. Your words gave me strength:) I can completely relate to your ebay postings and now your blog. You are a loveable genuine person, and I wish you much success. -- a fan from Marlboro NJ

I didn't know Target sold Boudreaux's Butt Paste. I live in TN and I thought I was going to have to drive all the way to Louisiana to get some. That's where I got the first and now my son thinks he cannot do without it. He is 42 years old.

How funny - we just had a similar conversation in our house about the word butt. Only my two oldest were attempting to use it as an insult. Hearing me correct their use of the word butt and having me repeat it various times in one mommy monologue stretched their ability to keep a straight face to its maximum ability and by the time I was done, we were all dissolved into tears. Them at the idea of mommy saying butt so frequently and me at the contortions their faces went thru to remain stoic and respectful while mommy was speaking! Boys the world over love those body part/body function giggles, don't they :)

I can't wait for the book!How you make it through the day is beyond me. I have a 4yo boy and a 1yo boy. I often say that I'll never understand why the older boy has to be on top of the baby while he's playing with him and what's more, why the baby laughs the whole time his brother's on top of him. When they finally figure out the whole cloning thing, I'll be in business! It seems like everyone wants a piece of me!Here's another question for you (hopefully you've not yet answered it) what does your husband do for work?Have a great day!

Ahhh, I know all too well the many words kids can create with the word butt. My almost 3 year old went to visit my sister for a month this summer. When she came back she kept singing, "I gotta big bu-utt, you gotta big bu-utt" That's what I get for sending her to my little sister's.

My kids also do the Christmas present thing. Their favorite though is trick or treating. They walk up to me and say trick or treat and I throw some random thing, like nailpolish, into their buckets. They never seem too thrilled.

loving Spaz's quotes. My youngest talking son is full of great stories like that. My recent favorite was when he stopped me at the door asking me where I was going, being a smart alec, I told him "I;m going crazy!" His reply was an all too knowing, "Oh. You go to work."

Useless but somewhat interesting information: Did you know that only female mosquitos "bite"? Yes, it's true! Like you actually are going to get a chance to ask, "Excuse me, are you a boy or girl mosquito? If you are a boy, I will let you live". Ha, ha!

I caught you on Star 102.5 out of Des Moines tomorrow. (Live about 30 miles north of DM). As they were interviewing you, I couldn't wait to get to my computer to see what you wrote next. Thanks for all the laughs!

JenniferAlso, thanks for the shoutout to military families! My husband will be home next month from a 17-month deployment to Iraq. It's been tough...especially for a first time mom! Thanks!

I am so grateful for your blog. You have no idea. I don't want to cause extra pressure, but you make me feel better every day. I just got news that my hubby is going to be deployed. The first thing I did, after the prayer that it wasn't true, was get on your blog. Even if you don't write everyday I can read your other posts, some of them are timeless and never get old with repeated readings. Thank you so much.Lori

You make me laugh out loud every day! Loved the "butt paste" story. I have 2 boys, and they giggle at all bodily function jokes or references. Doesn't matter what they are. Last night I used the phrase "poop juice" and had them in stitches!

Keep up the writing, and don't stress if you can't update the blog every day. We all understand that your life is BUSY. Give yourself a break!

Some things never become less funny even when you grow up! I've heard of Boudreaux's Butt Paste before...because a co-worker had tube of it sitting primly on her desk as a funny decoration. She was about fifty years old and the word 'butt' still made her laugh.

You rock! You really do! But I feel like I really shouldn't say that because I don't want your head to go "poof!" and implode from all the nice things people say about you. That is, by the way, purely a selfish consideration, 'cause I wouln't want this blogg to end --ever!I so love what you write and can so relate to everything. Although my boys, at 4½, haven't reached the "butt"-stage. They are still at the "poo and fart"-stage. On the other hand; they are male so they'll probably stay at that level of humor their entire life. Right?

I came across your e-bay listing linked from a pug forum I visit! Ha! I have only 1 daughter, 18months old, who at times drives me up the wall so I really admire your ability to stay sane! ;) My sister has 10 kids, so your blog gives me a glimpse into what her house might be like. I am really enjoying reading your blog, keep up the good work. Don't worry if you can't post daily!

BTW my favorite comments so far were the potty training post ones. Good tips, I plan to use some of the tips for when we start the potty training process.

Hi Dawn,You have become a pro at multi-tasking. I think it is intrinsic for Moms. I am a mother of 5 kids so I can totally relate to you trying to do everything. I remember a time when I was nursing a baby sitting on the floor of the bathroom, waiting for my 2 1/2 year old to go potty while i worked on a report with my first grader sitting at my feet. AHHH> Those were the days!!

I appreciate every story or insight you manage to throw our way. You have a gift for storytelling and I am thrilled that you share it with other Moms. We need the comic relief!!

Let's not forget.... Butthead, buttface, (this is a gross one), buttcheese. Yep, you can thank my husband for those charming examples.

The only other word that seems to evoke extreme snickers is the word "doody". My 5 kids do all sorts of jobs or "duties". Nothing is more funny to see my kids react when I have to say, "You get the choice job of dog doody duty. Poopy duty".

you know (referring to a previous post) i JUST had a "discussion" with my mother about my 3 year old dressing himself. i showed her a picture of him (as i was laughing about it) wearing black and gold Steelers shorts (that she sent him), an orange shirt that was backwards AND inside out, a blue winter hat, my black leather winter gloves, and his own beloved black cowboy boots - with no socks. We were walking the three blocks to pick up my oldest son at school. She looked at the picture and was horrified - "Why didn't you tell him that wasn't appropriate?" she gasped. Um, he's three. I felt that explained enough. Apparently not. So we went round and round... and then I changed the subject. She also mentioned spanking him (should he not want to listen to me when i tell him he is dressed inappropriately).geez. blah.have a good one!

With two boys and a husband who thinks he's funny there will be definitely be a competition here to see who can embarrass who (or is it whom?) the most.

When my husband was a child he went to the doctor with his mother as she had a terrible case of hemorrhoids. While waiting in the reception area he announced to everyone there that his mother was there to see the doctor because she had a sore hole! I bet she could have used some Butt Paste herself - to seal up his mouth. :)

You might want to try to squeeze in reading "Damn! Why didn't I write that?" by Marc McCutcheon to inspire you toward producing a book. I thought it was very helpful. You would already have some leverage with a publisher I imagine from all the web hoopla, who knows, maybe you're already there. If only you can stay up late enough to write!

You are a riot!!! A friend of mine emailed me your ebay saga. You should definitely write a book. I have looked on your blog, and it looks like you already have. Your book should be a bunch of short stories like your blog entries. That way us moms have a shot at finishing one and feeling the rare sense of accomplishment that comes from starting something and actually finishing it!!!!I am a huge wimp. I only have 2 kids and they are a nightmare in the store. I can totally relate. You are so funny! You give me hope and you let me know that I am not a maniac, I am a mom!!!!Keep on writing girl, you're brilliant!!Lisa in RL, IL

You've inspired me! I've been keeping a marathon training blog and feeling guilty that I'm the mother of 3 and have never kept a journal of any sort for my kids...it's all about running...I'm missing opportunities every day to journal my kids' wonderful personalities and lives. Thanks for the inspiration!

I am on the floor laughing! I have four children ages 14, 8, 4, and 2 months. I KNOW exactly what you are going through. I am a working mom and I LOVE going to work because of the peace and quiet. It's amazing the transformation that happens when we all walk in the door. They can be perfect angels at their daycares and schools all day but when they walk in the door - all that goes out the window. I am also looking forward to your book. I am looking forward to laughing to hard I am crying :-)

One time when my daughter was about 4, I took her and her grandpa to a store. On our way home, my DD piped up from the back of the seat LOOK WHAT I HAVE MOMMY. It was a video that I did not pay for! I stopped the car and looked in the back, and both my DD and my FIL had a silly little grin on their faces. It seems my 85 yr old FIL thought it would be halarious to help my 4 yr old steal a video! I almost died! I felt so guilty. I made her take it back, and made him walk in with her to return it. (Inside I was laughing pretty hard... he was well off and did it as a lark with his GD, but I didn't want her to think it was ok.)

Like so many of the other people who have commented, I made my way here from your ebay auction. Thank you so much for bringing a smile to my day. I loved the butt paste story today, but I was rolling on the floor with your earlier squirrel story because I can see that exact scene playing out at my house! :) Thanks for helping all of us keep things in perspective!

Your Ebay post was the funniest thing I have read in a long time. It so reminds me of my life (except I only have 3 kids and that's just plenty, thanks). People say a part of your brain (the part that can do the 4th grade math or hold a conversation with a well informed adult) comes out imbedded in the placenta. I am assuming this is the reason for the 4th, 5th, and 6th children as you were no longer able to understand what this would mean to your life, your home, and your sanity.

I would love to tell you the most hilarious thing the kids have put in a grocery cart, but I am afraid that I am not nearly as brave as you. I wouldn't take all three kids to do major grocery shopping even if I was assured the winning Lotto ticket that day! I would rather crawl through broken glass and then dive into a pool of rubbing alcohol than spend 1 minute with three boys in Super Wal Mart! And now you are asking, why go to Super Wal Mart where there are so many temptations for the kids, just go to Publix or BiLo. Oh, I'm glad you asked that question!

We live in Natchez, MS where "if it ain't at the Wal Marts, you don't need it" mentality runs rampant! I moved to this postage stamp size town because I found a job where I work 15-20 hours a week and they pay me full time (don't ask what I do - this is the sweetest job ever and I am never giving it up!). I had a 3 year old at the time and I could spend more time with him or move to a cool metropolitan community and work 60-70 hours a week and send Buddy to day care 24/7. I chose the one horse town and that horse crapped on me for the first two years!

When I first moved here I went to the Super Wal Marts looking for a thin blanket for my bed. I was setting up house in a new town where I knew not a sole and I was told, "if it ain't at the Wal Marts, you don't need it" from several folks. Well, I looked for 20 minutes for the blanket section. Did I happen to mention it is May in Mississippi? I fianlly found a short, dumpy lady ( I think it was a lady) and asked where the blankets are. She/he looked at me with a confused expression (imagine that) and uttered through her/his three teeth, "It is May and you in Mississippi - you don't need no bleyenkette!" My jaw dropped, I set down whatever else I had in my hand, I drove back to my new house with boxes everywhere, cried for a good 30 minutes and then proceeded to First Presbyterian Playshcool to rescue my child from the horrors of DAYCARE - the ugliest word in his 3 year old vocabulary.

So you see, even then I refused to take even one child into the toy infested Super Wal Marts! So I do not have an amusing "look what got in my cart" story because I am scared to go there with kids! I was however rescued by Martha Stewart (never thought I'd say that) when K-Mart had Martha's Everyday collection and did actually have bleyenkettes in May in Mississippi.

You are killing me here - my poor kids have to sit and listen to me laugh like a hyena every time I read your posts.

Speaking of butts...my husband and I once bought Monkey Butt Powder for his cousin as a Christmas gift. I guess it's for putting on before you don the leather chaps and hop on the HOG, but I couldn't help laughing at the picture on the bottle (a cartoon monkey with a bright red butt).

Keep it up, Dawn - you have lots of fans out here in cyberspace, and from the looks of it you are gaining more popularity every day!

Ok, I LOVE your blog. I'm looking for some potty training advice. Today is actually a good day. We're 4 and 3. 4 tinkles on the potty, 3 on the rug (actually, one of those tinkles went into her Little People race track... when I dumped what I thought were potato chips so I could vacuum, I heard a SPLASH on the carpet. Yes, tinkle and chips). I neglected to dump the last potty, so we have a Fisher Price cookie that was in the pot. I need some of your patience and I need to see the positives! Help! :)

HAhahaha! I love Boudreaux's!!! And mine haven't been in diapers in years!! What's even more comical to me is this morning on the way to school, the oldest is making fun of the younges who is covered in poison ivy and calls him "POISON IVY BUTT"!!! I just fell out when I read your blog! I also relate to one of your readers who commented on the fact, that when you have all boys it' fair to times them by 2- therefore her life was like living w/ 10boys! HA! I only have 2boys, 2years apart, but I beleive GOD should give every momma "2 boys, 2 years apart"! Thanks for keeping motherhood so real, and allowing us to just step back and learn to embrace it! Please post when your book will be avail! I want to buy a copy for all the "moms' in my family! -MOM of 2 boys in Mississippi

Thank you so much for your wit and humor. As an out of practice parent (youngest is 22, my biological child is 27) who just took in an 8 year old Foster child, I am really enjoying your daily trials and tribulations. God Bless you and keep it all coming to us!!!!

Loved the article. Just wait until your kids decide they are "all grown up" and instead use the word buttocks. My son said in all seriousness; "Mom, that baby's buttocks are showing!" upon seeing a toddler's diaper drooping low. Where in the world did he hear that?? Beats me!Thanks for the laughs. Take care.

Holy cow, I found a Mom with my sense of humor! I love it!Speaking of butts, I have a big one. I have 6 yr old twin boys and I'm 44. My one son and I always kid around and he loves teasing me about my big butt. One day we were in the grocery store going down the frozen food aisle and he pipes up with, 'Momma, your butt sure is fat today!' so I replied with, 'Not as fat as your lip is gonna be big boy', which made him collapse with the giggles. But man, you should have seen the dirty looks I got from an old lady who overheard us! LOL!Keep on doing your thing. :)I'm sure glad school's started, aren't you? hehehe

Don't burn yourself out. Daily blogs are great but we'd rather have you around long term. I think it's safe to say you have a good enough fan base that we won't go anywhere anytime soon. You're almost at 1/2 a Million. Wow!!Have a fun day.

Hi my name is Amber.I don't have any questions for you I just want to tell you that I think you are great!!I am trying to read all of your blogs.I have 2 girls one is 5 and one is 17 mo.and as you know you don't get a lot of time to read blogs.I will get through them all though.The first one I read is the ebay auction someone posted on our Fort Leonard Wood Wives group.I also want to say that I think it is awesome that your friend won the pokemon cards.You must be a special person for her to want them so bad to change her ID.She must think you are going to be very successful one day.I have to say I agree.I think you are already successful with raising your children(all 6 of them oh my goodness lol)and making people happy by bringing laughter into their days.

Even worse than a young kid trying to sneak butt paste in the cart? My 27 year-old husband thinking we NEED it because it is SO MUCH COOLER than the other rash ointments. They don't have to be young to be boys.

I'm suppose to be looking for a job, but can't pull myself from your blog (which I only found after being forwarded a link to your eBay listing)...your stories are not only hillarious but addictive! I love hearing these "mom stories" - makes me feel like I'm not alone or insane!

I've gotta tell you, you have no idea what a difference you've made in my day. I linked to this site from ebay (that a friend happened to forward to me today) and this is the first time I've smiled all day. I just got home from the vet with 2 of my daughters and one of our dogs where we discussed her being put to sleep(the dog, not either of the daughters!) To tell you how bad it was, I left the house WITHOUT MAKEUP because I knew I'd be sobbing and wore old clothes because I was sure that either the dog or the girls would be getting snot all over my shirt (all three of them did). Thank you for reminding me of all the good "bad" things we moms go through so that the bad "bad" things are easier to deal with. I know a lot of people are telling you what a difference you've made and it can seem a little overwhelming, but just let me add my $.02... You rock! Thanks for today's smile. I'll be back tomorrow for another. (PS I've found that since I'm up 'til 2 am most days anyway, that if I go to the market [that's open 24 hours] after my hubby comes home I can make it through in under 2 hours!)

Isn't butt a wonderful word? My 10yo son recently started a phone convesation with his grandfather bay saying "Hello Cheesebrain monkeybutt". And nicknames for our 5 children tend to have butt in them like pokeybutt for the one who moves slowly, stinkybutt for the one still in diapers, and underwearbutt for the one who strps to his underwear upon ariving home.

Hey, a bit of friendly advice. Only because I am a mother in your shoes. What shoes you ask....the shoes that cause your house to be in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome) The fix is at flylady.net Seriously, check it out. It will help you to not become sidetrack and to get you home in order. Much Love, Taylor

Hi!Love your blog...it's getting so many hits though that the page is slow loading and crashes!

You have inspired me to keep writing--I too love to write and have a humorous sarcastic bite to my writing as well. I used to blog all the time but after having my first baby, it went by the wayside a bit. I did start back up again though recently with a First Time Mommy blog a few weeks ago.

Anyway, congrats on all the good things coming your way! Good luck with the book! Six kids...I'm just adjusting to ONE. You're a saint! lol

I am sitting back reading your various entries, thinking to myself, thank HEAVENS I a not the only one.

For starters, I have had to discuss with my youngest 9at age 2)that:

#1 Toilet papering mommies living roon/kitchen and EVERY other room with a 24 roll NEW MEGA pack of TP is not a good choice of extracuricular & it is probably not a good idea to persuade the then 7 year old to take part!!

#2 Teaching the neighbor girl to pee at the public park is not the most appropriate tutorship.

#3. Bandaids are for "ouchies" not tattoos and a not meant to plaster on our bodies....at one time.

Butt....what about POOP?! Is that not someone's favorite word? That is a favorite of all 4 of my kids especially the 3 yr old who loved to use it to excess as soon as he could speak! Not just poop but whatever fits along with it, sort of like butt, like poopface, poophead you get the idea. Anyway, whenever we would go grocery shopping I would make sure he had a BIG snack to eat so he couldn't talk. Why, you ask? Well of course because whenever anyone would say how cute or sweet he was or just say hello...he would answer sweetly, "Hi poophead or poopbum" or even "Thank you poophead" because he knew enough to be polite, after all!!I would simply shrug and say...he's potty training. One woman with a sense of humor looked puzzled and said "Did he just call me a poophead" To which I just nodded. So what did she do? She said "Well hi to you too poophead" and thereafter every aisle we ran across her she would again address him with "Poophead, hello again" He just covered his mouth and cracked up! He has finally gotten out of THAT phase but still giggles whenever his siblings say it. Too bad they haven't gotten out of that phase! AND the funniest thing a child put in my cart?>>>>hmmmmmmmmmm. does my child husband count? If so, on a particularly interesting visit to the super Walmart where all 5 of us walked from produce to the checkouts with DOLE banana stickers on our foreheads..just because...I found something very interesting in my cart. It was a box of condoms. Now being that I was gigantically pregnant with my 4th child and swollen and miserable I automatically figured that the bad behavior of my family caused some disgruntled shopper to toss them in there as a sort of HINT! Well, after standing there gasping...how did THESE get in here, while the kid at the checkout looked especially embarassed and mortified...my hubby starts to giggle and gets that LOOK on his face. Apparently he wanted to see what I would do and if I would blame it on one of the kids!! Well of course I just smiled sweetly and handed them back to the embarassed cashier saying "I don't need these thank you" Kids, I do continue to take with me to the store...my hubby...not so much! :)

Dawn-I'm totally addicted to your blog! My oldest son's, (3yo) fav word these days is: "booty de-licious" as his father was teaching him to say, "Mommy is bootylicious", but he added the "de". It was all I could do to keep from busting a gut at my 3yo talking about his mommy that way! blessings to you! rhonda

When I was 13, my mother did the unthinkable. I went grocery shopping and she needed to buy me some maxi pads. I was embarassed and went further down the isle. She yelled down the isle, "Are these the ones you want?". I went beet red and of course so embarassed. She of course smiled.

I was reading your post aloud to my hubby....he thought butt paste was for adults, not babies. I laughed and had to explain what it was supposed to be used for. By the way, butt paste is always a fun shower gift to give as most new moms & dads have never heard of it.

I caught part of your interview with Skip and gang on 103.5 this morning in Tampa ... very funny! You don't sound like a dork, you sound like a very entertaining mom! Best of luck to you and your family... keep writing!

Actually, I had to look twice at your post because just a couple of days ago, my husband and I, along with our 9 and 11 year old sons, were walking through the Pharmacy section at Target and Dave (hubby) was in front of me and he spotted the same product and then I spotted it too! He turned around and looked at me and we smirked, like, "Don't say it outloud!"... but we snickered because that's such a horrible connotation... butt plus paste? but, the name sure jumps off the shelf at you! Made me think of The Breakfast Club with the jock using duct tape on his poor fellow student...

You have a great talent for writing. Your blog entries should be weekly newspaper articles in the NY Times. You should be getting paid (a lot) for what you're already doing for free.

You are a saint. I have one baby (the age of your Baby it seems) with another due in November. We talked about having more. After reading all this... I've decided I owe you one, because you've helped me change my mind ;-)

You should market your blog to Planned Parenthood... if this isn't the best form of birth control out there, then I don't know what is.

I received your e-bay item via e-mail today. Immediately after reading it I came to your blog site. You are extrememly talented in your writing and you truly remind me of and I think you are going to be the next late great Erma Bombeck. Best of luck to you!

oh BTW, somehow TODAY I have had almost 300 hits on my site and they have all been refered to my blog from your blog. By way of the BlogHerAd thingy that one of my posts showed up on today. I am floored and amazed and grateful! How in the heck did you get so many people visiting you each day in such a short time?? YOWZA and WOWEEEE.

I LOVE your blog!!! I hope you don't mind...though I don't know you or Oprah, I emailed Opral to tell her about your blog(and your Pokeomon advertisement). So...I hope she visits your site...and who knows...maybe we will see you on Oprah soon!!!

I "ditto" everyone's comments about your blog/humor etc. Thot I'd share a funny from our house that I haven't seen on here. We have "laughing gass". All due to the nite my daughter (who was 4 at the time) giggled so much she farted (while we were all in bed reading stories). Thus "laughing gas"....always finds it's way into converation (and my daugther, now 8, can never seem to pass up an opportunity to continue laughing and "Squeezing" just to have some laughing gas. OY!

i have always wished that i was one of those people who could come up with witty retorts on the spot. i always blow it in real life and then think up a hundred things i could have said for weeks on end. that was a hilarious way to turn it on him.

Ah, the Target butt paste. The boys pulled this on me laughing hysterically until I said "Gross! Are you going to brush your teeth with butt paste again?" My eight year old was mortified and claimed he had nothing to do with his brothers prank. Uh huh. The whole guilt by laughing hysterically applies to this situation. :-) Target is a maze of great mom comebacks. Love this blog.

Oh, and something is wrong with my this dumb site. Every time I try to publish a comment it says that I have an incorrect password, so if you have time (LOL) I will just give you my blog. It's at http://theshawsentinel.blogspot.comYeah! Chantel :):):):)

My 9 y.o. still thinks "butt" is the funniest word in the world. He will walk around the house, singing quietly, "butt butt butt butt BUUUUTTTT butt buttbutt" and then cackle maniacally. And he has the most maniacal cackle I've ever heard on a child. I defy anyone to not smile when he cackles. Or when he sings the Butt Butt Song.

Hello! I have never read a series of more articulate and well put together blogs... EVER! You are hilarious and you put us (the reader) right there with you. So entertaining, I just love your stuff! Thanks for making my friday enjoyable!

Now back to work, I think I see my mgr gopher heading over her cubicle.

This is sooooo crazy...a day right after reading this post my son was doing some homework and it said peanut butter.....and sure enough, he made sure he accentuated the "butt" part. peanut BUTTer, mommy is peanut BUTTer the right answer....only 7 years old.....I just couldn't stop laughing just because all I could think of was your blog.....too funny!!!

Butt is a favorite word around here too. When the boys get going they can come up with some pretty funny combinations. I love how you dealt with your son and the butt paste. LOL. That was too funny. Honey