Donald Trump’s top political strategist, Roger Stone, has
quit Trump’s campaign amid rumors of campaign infighting in Trump’s camp.
Apparently the losers and dogs can’t get along with the failures and pigs.

Whole Foods is selling a bottle of asparagus water, water
with asparagus in it, for $6. Because anyone who has ever eaten asparagus knows
how great asparagus makes things smell.

Whole Foods is selling a bottle of asparagus water, water
with asparagus in it, for $6. This is the perfect gift for people who want to
make their pee smell like pee that was made from condensed pee.

Donald Trump’s top political strategist, Roger Stone, has
quit Trump’s campaign. And yet somehow Trump’s hairstylist has the courage to
go on.

Since you asked, post debate version:

Nobody wants Donald Trump’s campaign to continue more than me.
And not just as a comedy writer. Trump touches topics other real politicians
cannot touch with a ten-foot pole including political correctness, campaign
fundraising and immigration.

Let's be blunt, Donald Trump is entertaining as all hell.

“Fox News” Greta Van Susteren thinks anyone who underestimates
Trump’s chances to become president is making a mistake. Greta’s political
opinions are as questionable as her plastic surgery choices.

Anyone who really thinks Trump has a chance to become president
is either crazy, stupid or both. (Granted this is coming from the guy who said
Madonna would never last)

The thing that will kill Trump sooner or later is not politics,
it is not the right wing or the left wing. It is not democrats and republicans.
What is going to kill Trump, like it has before, is the fact that he is a
bully. And he is a liar.

Everybody hates a bully. Even bullies hate bullies. And Trump
isn’t even a good bully.

From Edmund Muskie to Ross Perot, if you cannot run a campaign
staff you cannot win an election. Trump’s advisors are making rats on the
Titanic look loyal by comparison.

Everybody hates a bully. Everybody hates a liar.

In addition, with his bleeding/period comments insults at Megyn
Kelly, Trump is a glaring example of somebody who isn’t funny who thinks
they’re funny trying to be funny.

Thursday, August 06, 2015

And this is a man who claims he has never sexually attacked any black or white women

Drinking games for tonight’s GOP debate. One game is called
Trump where you do a shot every time Trump says Trump. You’ll be Trump-faced in
no time.

India has lifter its ban on Internet porn. India outsources
their porn to Pakistan where it is older women reading out of a manual:“Oh . . . baby . . . you are to be doing that
to me in a repeated fashion.”

An ABC report claims dogs know when a person is dying and
they comfort them. That explains why, after the debate, a German Shepard humped Rand Paul’s leg.

There was an awkward moment before the debate when the GOP
candidates were told there would be a moderator, Trump said; “Why does there
have to be a damn Mexican bull fighter?”

The debate could have gotten ugly. Chris Christie was going
to accuse Donald Trump of having that thing on his head being from a dead
lion’s mane.

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

Simon

Tuesday, August 04, 2015

The burger chain, In-N- Out, is being sued for allegedly
putting meth in a milk shake. You could tell In-N-Out was catering to meth
addicts. Their latest slogan is:

“Food you can really sink your tooth into.”

The GOP candidates are preparing for their first debate.
Donald Trump is giving his notes a comb-over, oh, sorry, a going-over.

A study claims the glamorous life of a frequent flyer is a
lie. “Globe-hopping is harder than it sounds,” said Snoop Dog in his private
jet as he sipped champagne in his gold bathtub filled with caviar.

The former executive producer of “The Cosby Show,” Tom
Warner, said the show was “Kind of tarnished.” That’s like saying the Titanic
got kind of wet.

Now a Pennsylvania gynecologist, Jan Seski, is being accused
of illegally killing a lion in Zimbabwe. You’d think, if there is one
occupation that wouldn’t want a giant stuffed pussy mounted on the wall, it
would be a gynecologist.

They’re breaking ground in New York for the new National
Comedy Center. They had to cancel their plans for the Bill Cosby Women’s
Recreational Center.