Monday, March 14, 2005

My week long birthday gift!

I wrote a whole blog but due to some technical difficulties, didn't get posted. Took me almost a day to write it with distractions from Katrina and Poch and it got lost... anyway, let me try to reconstruct my drama entry...

As many of you know, my parents surprised me on my birthday by coming over and spending the week here with their favorite daughter (or maybe its favorite apo?). I was feeling a little down about turning 32 (yep, I'm off the calendar now), thinking what have I done in my life. I love being a wife and mom but sometimes I wonder if I died today, would I be proud of what I have accomplished in life? Or am I the servant, in a parable Jesus told, entrusted with a bag of money by my master and just buried it instead of investing and making it grow? What have I done with the skills/potential gifted to me by God? Aside from becoming a good wife and mom, I can't really think of anything significant. The sad thing is I still don't know what to do... is this what a mid-life crisis feels like?

Anyway, my parent's visit took my mind off these musings and for 1 week I felt great! Every afternoon, I'd go out with my mom (North Point for food shopping and the market, Mongkok for bargain shopping and Central and Causeway Bay for everything else) while papa stayed home and bonded with Katrina. Papa still hasn't fully recovered from his accident and can't walk for long distances yet. Seeing Katrina with my parents was wonderful. You could see how much she loves them. It took her around an hour to get used to them then it was all kisses, hugs, smiles and laughter. I already miss them and I'm sure Katrina is wondering where they are too. It was a great gift!

4 Comments:

sometimes i feel exactly the same way. then i look at joaquin and i realize that no corporate title, high salary, fame or fortune could compare with this miracle i helped create and am currently raising. derrick once told me, when i was constantly depressed about my non-accomplishments and bewailing my non-existent income; that keeping him and joaquin happy and healthy by providing a good home, hot meals, encouragement and support is more than what most supposedly "accomplished" women do. i can give them my 100% now, when they need it the most, and there will be time when i can fulfill my dreams because i've given joaquin the foundation to pursue his. if i die tomorrow, i'd like to think that even if i didn't get to change the world with the talents He provided, i rocked the world of the two people who love me most.then they can change the world. i'm sure poch and katrina make you feel the same way. 32 is a great age -- you're not old and greying, neither are you awkward and shy, and you're over the quarter-life crisis most graduates and single women go through. hooray to you, pam!

i've been wanting to post a nice long comment on your entry for some days now, pam, since i know exactly how you're feeling -- down to the parable of the talents.

then dawn came along and said everything better than i could!

i think we're struggling with these issues right now because we're all well-educated, were raised to be independent career women (and, particularly if you went through the jesuits and my mom, grew up with an overdeveloped sense of purpose), and enjoyed full-time careers before this particular stage in our lives.

i've had a major identity crisis since i moved here having just completed a (very expensive!) grad degree when the job market hit rock bottom. while i've found fulfillment in other things: family, friendships, other activities, i can't help feeling left behind by the rest of the world, which equates success with career and other tangible achievements.

what i've come up with is that this is a stage of our lives. we're called to be wives and mothers right now. our roles will change as the years progress; what i keep praying for is just that i can see the next step i need to take.

and shy and dawn have also said it very well -- we have the unequivocal love and support of our husbands who do not just value what we do for the family unit, but treat us as equals in the decision-making process, and partners in the journey of life. i have a newfound respect and appreciation for this kind of relationship.

...And I am loving every minute of this stage of my life! :) I realize that everyone is different and that the people in our lives may want us to stay in this particular role (as wife and mother) so who knows, some of us may not even move on to different stages. So let's make a deal --instead of celebrating birthdays, let's use and mark the date as a celebration of our 'personal' stages year after year!