Search

I can’t wait until the day I can get out of bed without help. Night time has contained some of the most painful times since my surgery. When you have 4 drain holes on your sides, plus the actual drain lines that can be easily pulled on (they are sutured in), the painful tissue expanders, 4 huge incisions from the biopsies and the mastectomy and then all the bruising and pain that comes with it…there are NOT a lot of ways to lay that are comfortable. Our sleep number bed was a huge blessing because I could move the back of the bed up enough so I didn’t have to lay flat, but there was still much pain.

In the beginning, Kevan would set an alarm to make sure he brought me my pain medication every 4-5 hours so that I wouldn’t wake up in too much pain. Most of the time, I would wake up before he brought it, either in pain or needing to go to the bathroom. I had a little radio to call him if I needed to, but I just couldn’t make myself wake him up. I know if I did call him on the radio he would’ve come right away, but I just didn’t want to disturb him. So, I would lay there and pray or I would pick up my phone and see what was going on with Facebook in the middle of the night (not much!). I couldn’t read my bible because, for one, it was too heavy (even my kindle seemed heavy in the beginning) and with the drugs they gave me I couldn’t focus on the words and they would all run together. If I had to do it over, I think I would put an audio bible on my iPhone so I could listen to it at times like this. I would also type out some good verses that would provide me strength & comfort just so I could read them during the night. I don’t have a good memory for memorization.

As I was laying there…I would finally hear Kevan’s alarm go off in the living room and then I’d hear him hit snooze. lol! I would think….”I wonder how many times he’s going to hit snooze.” lol! It was never more than once. Anyone that knows my husband knows that he is not a morning person so I think only hitting snooze once was a really big thing for him. Thank you Sweetheart. Then, I would hear Kevan coming and I would get so excited and I’d have a huge smile on my face when he walked in to “rescue me”. I love him so much. This experience has showed me just how special a man he is. I knew he was before, but for a man to look at me like this and still think I’m beautiful, to change my bandages, “milk my drains”, empty my drains, put cream on my scars, keep a diary of my meds/drain measurements, help me up, help me lay down, give me a shower, wash my hair, bring me things….the list could go on and on. He is one special man. God has truly blessed me. All the times that I’m irritated with him for not helping with the domestic duties….I think he just made up for all 9 years in the last 10 days. :o)

I think someone had prayed for me last night because I had just mentioned to a few people that night time was so hard on me and last night was my best night so far. In the middle of the night when my pain was bad I had the bright idea (from God I’m sure) to stretch out my arms. Now, in the beginning I probably couldn’t do this as easily, but I don’t know why I didn’t think of it before. Instead of trying to move myself to get more comfortable I just stretched my arms straight or gave them a little movement. It helped a lot! I think the reason nights are so painful is because I’m forced to lay there in the same position, propped by pillows for HOURS until I’m rescued. The arm movements helped so much. Also, when Kevan came to rescue me this morning I held a pillow in front of my chest and he lifted me and there was no pain at all this morning. So, the little pillow helped too. Praise God! I so dread being lifted from a laying position because it is so so so so painful, but today it wasn’t at all. Thank you Lord!

I’m now setting my own alarm on my phone to wake me up for my medication around 2:30-3am. I am no longer having to get up to go to the restroom in the middle of the night so Kevan doesn’t need to help at this time anymore. I think before it was due to all the fluids they pumped into me in the hospital, but now things are pretty normal and I don’t need to use the restroom until morning. Then, Kevan has his alarm go off at about 6-7am to come help me out of bed. Then, he lays down for a few hours in the bed while I go out and sit on the couch with my many pillows to prop me up. I love my mornings. I get up, drink my coffee/cocoa mixture (I love my Keurig), read my bible or a devotional (usually Spurgeon), pray and just enjoy the quiet of the morning. I just don’t understand how someone could not love morning. Even the word brings a smile to my face. lol!

Most of you reading my journey have prayed for me. Did you realize we are wonderfully linked? We are linked in prayer and linked with our Eternal Creator. It is amazing to me to think about. We are a big family with the same Father and Savior, Jesus Christ. I love you all. My eyes tear up thinking of each of you who have loved me so much to pray for my healing, my pain, my “N’s”, my comfort. How sweet you all are and what a gift you all are. Oh, how blessed I am.

“All hell is vanquished when the believer bows his knee in importunate supplication. Beloved brethren, let us pray. We cannot all argue, but we can all pray; we cannot all be leaders, but we can all be pleaders; we cannot all be mighty in rhetoric, but we can all be prevalent in prayer. I would sooner see you eloquent with God than with men. Prayer links us with the Eternal, the Omnipotent, the Infinite, and hence it is our chief resort. . . Be sure that you are with God, and then you may be sure that God is with you.”

We are linked with God. Such a special blessing He has given us. The ability to talk to Him any time of day and the assurance that He is with us.

I can’t stand not having a picture in each of my posts so I’m going to post one of my favorite pictures that I took while in the Everglades with Kevan. A mama and her baby. Has nothing to do with this post, but it shows God’s beautiful creation.

One Response to “Bedtime”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

[…] Bedtime was hard. I couldn’t get myself up so I always had to wait for help and I do not like to ask for help. But, this was God teaching me to depend on others and on Him. Although, Kevan could’ve checked on me a little more frequent instead of leaving me on the couch for 3 hours knowing I couldn’t get myself up. lol! I even felt sorry for myself from time to time. […]

Recent Posts

Top Posts

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about chemo care packages. So, over the last few weeks I’ve been pulling a list together. When this journey is over I want to be able to provide those that I know going through chemo with their own chemo care package. I won’t purchase everything, of course, but a […]

I’m doing great today and have been for several days. It is amazing how well the body bounces back. Tomorrow I will be having my 3rd chemo treatment of taxotere and cytoxan. I am dreading it as usual. Since I’ve been bald for several weeks I decided to do a top 10 list of the […]

When I woke up today my hair was falling out in HUGE clumps. I don’t know why, but I thought it would fall out little by little. Um….no. It falls out in handfuls. Here is a picture of a ziploc bag of how much hair just “fell out” during the day today. It is a […]

This is my attempt to do a funny top 10 list of things that will be new experiences after a bilateral (double) mastectomy. I know that my surgery was serious….but God gave us a sense of humor for a reason. I’m still in pain, I still can’t look at myself in the mirror just yet […]

“You have cancer”. Three words I thought I would never hear. Maybe when I am old and gray, but not while I’m in my 30’s. I have breast cancer. Typing the words even seems strange to me. Hearing Kevan say, “my wife has cancer.” makes me think he is talking about someone else. But, he […]