The Night the Lights Burned On

All you need for a wedding celebration is people power.

We pulled up to the synagogue at exactly 4:11pm, August 14th, 2003. It's the most important day of my 26 years; I'm getting married.

In keeping with Jewish tradition, I've been fasting all day. So when the wedding consultant came out of the shul and told me that we just lost ALL power, I was feeling a little nauseous and faint.

"Not to worry," I was told. "Everything was going to be fine," they said. "We're working on it."

Ok, fine. Why not just start getting dressed. How bad could a little power outage be? The whole block couldn't be left without power for hours. In the worst case, we could always move the party to a hall down the street.

Fifteen minutes turned into 30. Before I knew it, an hour had passed without a word. It was 15 minutes before people should start arriving and I was starting to get nervous.

Just then, I got the news. It gave a new definition to the phrase "worst-case scenario." There is no power, period. Not this block, not in all of Toronto, not in the whole northeast! The only way for this show to proceed as planned is to fly everyone to Seattle.

My mind started racing. I was frantically reviewing all the preparations made by Rachel, my bride, that were for naught. No generators, no lights, no ovens, microphones or speakers. We wouldn't have any singing or dancing. We wouldn't be able to serve any food. Heck, we wouldn't even be able to see our guests!!

Little did I know that all this would become the essential ingredients for the BEST night of our lives.

And so the magic began. The candles were lit. And lit and lit. Little flickering lights everywhere you looked. The room was glowing and the atmosphere was beginning to take shape.

Next, we had to feed our guests. My mother joked with the caterer, "Do you have any barbeques?" Just like at camp, the chefs roll out about a dozen coal barbeques and started cooking. The smell of chicken and veggies begin to waft through the ceremony.

The chuppah was held outside so the rabbis had to amplify there voices, but it mainly stayed as planned. The Yichud room where I spent my first private moments with my wife, was very romantic; it too was illuminated with candlelight.

There was no electricity that night, but it was electric.

Then the real party started. With great apprehension, my wife and I dashed into the large dining hall. It was pandemonium. A few people were brandishing flashlights, waving them wildly and giving the room a disco vibe. Nobody could really see with whom or where they were dancing, but they were doing it enthusiastically nevertheless. It was incredible. There was no electricity that night, but it was electric. Someone later remarked, "If you closed your eyes, it was like you were back in Jerusalem!"

Behind the scenes, hundreds of selfless acts were taking place. The staff was working in the sweltering heat, barely able to see what they were doing. Members of the synagogue began dropping off flashlights and candles, asking if they could be of help. Other people were directing traffic and helping others in and out of the shul.

But the single deed that had the greatest affect on all of us was yet to come. The lead singer of the band placed a call to some of his friends. "Listen, we need serious backup," he said. "This bride and groom need your help!"

And so they came. In droves. Some in T-shirts and sweatpants, some rolled right out of bed. Just to help fellow Jews in need. They entered the hall in unison, singing to the rafters. People left their tables to join them. The night turned into an inspiring sing-along for young and old alike.

What took place didn't hit us until the treacherous drive home that night. Once we pieced together what had transpired on our wedding night, the lesson for us became clear. Life is not about the flowers or how the chairs are covered. It's not about how much money we spend or what we wear. Life is defined by the values that direct our actions. It was the selfless and loving spirit of our wedding that we will remember forever. The sensitivity of our family and friends and the consideration shown by perfect strangers is overwhelming.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 14

(14)
Henry K,
July 24, 2006 12:00 AM

Mazel Tov!

Mazel Tov! Beautiful! May you both share many many more joyous Simchas together!

(13)
Stan Hyman,
December 30, 2003 12:00 AM

A Wonderful Story!

This story is one of wonder and joy!

Stan Hyman

(12)
Sharron Hyman,
August 29, 2003 12:00 AM

Awesome

These selfless acts of kindness inspire me as a human being and as a Jew. This exposure to Judaism, which I did not have until I started to work at Aish, should be shouted from the rooftops. Hashem is definately watching.

(11)
Simon Grynberg,
August 29, 2003 12:00 AM

One of the best weddings I've ever attended

Anyone who went to Mark's wedding knows that it TRULY was one of the most beautiful weddings ever. The ambience of the candle lit room was stunning- no words can accurately describe just how incredible it was. The BAYT shul in Toronto, where the wedding took place, was really able to come through on such short notice. But the most remarkable thing about the wedding was Mark and Rachel, who together, lit up the room.
I don’t know that many people who would have taken the situation as well as they did. Mark and Rachel radiated simcha and happiness throughout the entire night and that was really made the wedding so special.

(10)
Noson Schechter,
August 25, 2003 12:00 AM

THIS IS A GEVALD!!

TO THE CHASAN AND KALLAH, MAZAL TOV AND MUCH NACHAS.
IT SOUNDS AS THOGH YOUR CHASUNA WAS A TRUE GEVALD. YOU KNOW WHEN A PERSON REALIZES THAT HE CAN NOT DO IT BY HIMSELF, THAT HE MUST COME ONTO OTHERS, THEN HE CAN BEGIN TO THINK ABOUT HASHEM. HOW MUCH DO WE NEED TO COME ONTO HASHEM. YOU KNOW, I JUST CAN NOT DO IT ON MY OWN, I NEED HIS SUPORT. THIS REALIZATION IT A GEVALD!!
MAY YOU BOTH HAVE A GEVALDIKE LIFE TOGETHER TILL 120 YEARS.
MAZAL TOV.

(9)
Esther Accardi,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Mazal Tov

Your wedding sounds like it was more beautiful the way it was than the way it could have been with electricity.

(8)
Shraga,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Mazal Tov!

May you always be blessed with keeping that pure perspective, amidst whatever joys and challenges that life will bring.

(7)
Ilana L,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Great article and a huge mazal tov :).

(6)
Psachia Fuld,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Thank you for sharing this inspiration!

I was wondering if anyone was getting married that night and hoping that it would be special. Yidn are one of a kind! So nice to hear that our best came through again. B"H.

(5)
Anonymous,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

magic wedding

beautiful story, sounds like a romantic dream. I could close my eyes and see the author's words happening. Beatiful, beauttiful

(4)
Anonymous,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Your wedding is famous

Mark, if your wedding was the one at BAYT, it's already famous! My husband went to a bris on Sunday and the rabbi was talking about the ruach at that wedding. Just think, otherwise it would have been just like any other.
Mazaltov.

(3)
Debra Monasch,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Electric

Mazel Tov. May your life with your bride be as electric as your wedding celebration. May you always feel the warmth of the candles and bask in their gentle glow.

(2)
Miri,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

the most beautiful wedding

sounds like ur wedding was one in a million- may this be the beginning of many more beautiful and awe-inspiring simchas.

(1)
Tzvi,
August 24, 2003 12:00 AM

Mazal Tov

As our sages taught,"Eizehoo ashir- Hasameach b'chelko."
They taught us that we shouldn't just be satisfied with what we have, but to actually be happy with it.
Tizku livnot bayit ne'eman b'Yisrael.

I’ve been dating a young woman for the past two years and we are starting to think about marriage. The problem is that she is not Jewish. I would want her to convert, but in a way where there would be no doubt about its validity, so that we and our kids don’t have problems later on. How do you recommend that I proceed?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

I appreciate your desire to do the right thing and proceed in an authentic way.

The process of conversion is challenging and involves a process of a year or two. This benefits the person converting, to ensure he fully appreciates the responsibilities he is taking on.

According to the Code of Jewish Law (Shulchan Aruch), a valid conversion replicates the experience at Mount Sinai of 3,300 years ago, when the Jewish nation accepted the Torah. For your friend to convert, she must:

believe that Judaism is the true religion, not just accept it by default

study what it says in the Torah

commit to observe all the Torah's commandments

Further, a conversion must be motivated for the sincere purpose of getting close to God and His Torah, not for ulterior motives. Thus, your friend would have to embrace Judaism and the Torah for its own sake, not in order to marry you. She should have the exact same desire to convert even with you entirely out of the picture.

If your friend studies Judaism and feels it is right for her, she would then approach an Orthodox conversion court and explain her situation. The court would then decide if it feels she is a sincere candidate for conversion. If yes, she would begin the lengthy process of studying and practicing to become a true convert.

Of course, to have a successful relationship, you will also need a high level of appreciation and commitment to Judaism. Perhaps you could begin your own study program to discover how Torah values enhance our lives and form the bedrock of civilization.

You should endeavor to live near a Jewish community which has adult education programs, rabbis you can consult with, Shabbat hospitality programs, etc.

In 1273 BCE (Jewish year 2488), Moses completed his farewell address to the Jewish people, and God informed Moses that the day of his death was approaching (Deut. 31:14). Amazingly, the anniversary of Moses' completing his teaching coincides with the date in 1482 of the first printing of the standard format used for Jewish Bibles today: vowel signs, accents, translation (Targum), and Rashi commentary.

Lack of gratitude is at the root of discontent. In order to be consistently serene, we must master the attribute of being grateful to the Creator for all His gifts. As the Torah (Deuteronomy 26:11) states, "Rejoice with all the good the Almighty has given you." This does not negate our wanting more. But it does mean that we have a constant feeling of gratitude since as long as we are alive, we always have a list of things for which to be grateful.

[Solomon] was wiser than all men (I Kings 5:11), even wiser than fools (Midrash).

What does the Midrash mean by "wiser than fools"?

A man of means was once a Sabbath guest at the home of the Chofetz Chaim. He insisted upon paying the sage in advance for the Sabbath meals - an insulting demand. To everyone's surprise, the Chofetz Chaim accepted the money.

After the Sabbath the Chofetz Chaim forced the guest to take the money back. He explained, "Had I refused to accept the money before the Sabbath, the thought that he was imposing upon me might have distracted from the man's enjoying the spirit of the Sabbath. Although it was foolish of him to feel this way, I wished to put his mind at rest."

Not everyone thinks wisely all the time. Some people have foolish ideas. Yet if we oppose them, they may feel they have been wronged. Insisting on the logic of our own thinking may not convince them in the least. In such instances, it may require great wisdom to avoid offending someone, yet not submitting to his folly.

By accepting his guest's money, knowing that he would return it to him after the Sabbath, the Chofetz Chaim wisely accommodated this man's whim without compromising on his own principles.

A wise person may be convinced by a logical argument, but outsmarting a fool truly requires genius.

Today I shall...

try to avoid offending people whom I feel to be in the wrong, without in any way compromising myself.

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