Too Much Icing: Romance-Love Dichotomy

I do not seek for a romantic relationship. I want a lasting one.

I could be the most romantic person you have never met. I could plan out the most heart-melting proposal, organize the perfect honeymoon, fantasize about my dream wedding, but I do not strive for a romantic relationship.

We treat romantic love like a gateway to happiness. Or an exciting trip that we’ve been waiting for our whole life. This kind of love must have a blazing passion to achieve the bliss of the moment. Romance could have lust, jealousy, pain, and spark. Love only has love.

Some people dive into relationships because they want to experience the feeling of being loved. They cling to the other person because they complete them. They’ll die without the other. They seek happiness from each other. They embrace the fun, the warmth, and the heat until it fades away. Some get bored, some find another one, and some simply don’t feel it eventually.

This subfield of love is driven by our desires. Some would call it selfishness. Heck, that isn’t love at all! Other people invest in these relationships because they can get something out of it. It has a hidden, unconscious motive that none of us care to admit. They want to receive attention, acceptance, gratitude, and safety. And when their lover does not give what they want, expect the relationship to pummel down like a missile directed to their hearts. They look for sparks, hoping they could get fireworks. But after the grand explosion, the climax, it all disintegrates into darkness.

We often forget that love is something we should see in everything, not just with our partner. It is the genuine things we do for the sake of other people. The pure things of this world. We limit ourselves in thinking that love is romance. And when romance is gone, so is love.

Others might argue that romance is a tool to show affection and love, and I concede that. It is essential to express one’s devotion to their partner in various ways. Unfortunately, some people have mistaken romance for love. And as a result, they lose sight of love in the process.

On the one hand, romance could falter and still have love. It isn’t a requirement, but it is a result of love. Not the other way around. You see, when the thrill of a relationship starts to subside, we tend to feel unimportant. We get bored. We become unhappy. We break up, thinking that the other person isn’t of use to our life, and then fill our hearts with bitter and remorse, thinking that we have given all our love and have not received anything in return. But in reality, you did not love the right way. You just “romanced” yourself out of love.

The truth is, you will get bored. You will be rejected. You will be alone at times. But that shouldn’t matter if you have your heart fixed on the most beautiful thing on Earth: love. Once you love, you become selfless. You become satisfied by seeing your loved one happy. You smile at the right things they do, and become proud of them. You feel great because you helped them achieve their goals. You supported them through thick and thin. You hope for the best. You let go and move forward. By doing this, you receive love from yourself.

This is why I do not seek romance. I seek love and give love. Romance comes eventually. I want to live my life and have someone who has their own life ahead of them too, like parallel lines that extend in the same direction, without intersecting one another. Both of us could walk different paths but still arrive at the same destination.

Cliche as it sounds, we must first establish ourselves before finding someone we’d want to live our lives with. We don’t actually need to find that person; we just have to bump into them while running our own path.

Romance between lovers is simply an icing on a cake. It’s really not important, but it is the first thing that people would be attracted to. Similarly, I don’t need anyone to send me flowers, go on dates with, or celebrate a monthsary with. That could be a bonus, and I would like that, too. But I want to do something that really matters. I want to see beyond what others have overlooked. I want to meet a person who has the same goals and visions as I do. I want to do good things and make the world a better place with that person. I want a relationship founded on genuine love, trust, familiarity, principles, and friendship. I want a relationship that will last forever.