...we would have been given toilet karts. Oh, wait — we were given toilet karts. A whopping 6.5 hp, 32 mph, twin-throne action, and all the TP you can stand. Ain't America great?

We get emails like this all the time. "Come look at my toilet go-kart," they say. "It's the best toilet kart in the world," they say. "You'll love it, and you can flush your cares out the exhaust, and seriously, 32 freaking mph on a twin-pot crapcan that just might kill you if you look at it funny."

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Most of them do not have this guy — this grinning, goony goof — sitting on them. He is the man behind these things. Somehow, this makes sense. Every man dies. Not every man truly lives makes bitchin' port-a-john art. Thumbs up.