I’m baaaaaack! After a self-imposed year-long hiatus (aka I just didn’t have energy or creativity to do this every week), I figured I could be coaxed out of hiding and get us ready for a divisional playoff game. When you’re doing something you haven’t done for a while, you want to go with what you know. We know Anchorman. Let’s get ready for Saturday.

“And I'm Ron Burgundy. Go f**k yourself, San Diego.” But first, before we get down to business, I want to pour a little of the 40 out for my friends down in San Diego who are losing their team to Los Angeles. Dean Spanos, cheapest-ass owner in the game, has packed up 55 years of history and told the city of San Diego to go screw themselves. Like some of our civic “leaders” in Seattle, many of the San Diego politicians helped him pack too. They’re going to play in a soccer stadium for the next couple years that seats 30,000. There’s a joke in there about if they’ll actually be able to sell it out, but today’s not the day to make that joke.

“Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone! Come see how good I look!” Quote from the movie, or quote from the offensive line after that game last Saturday? Tough call. In fairness, they did look good. You don’t have running back rush for a postseason team record without the line having a solid day. Granted, they did that against 18th ranked rushing defense, but that O-line has made mediocre defenses look like the ’85 Bears at times this year.

“Let's go over the ground rules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT!” It’s sad and frustrating that I have to do this, but last Saturday reminded me that I obviously have to go over the ground rules again. Rule #1, when the Seahawks are on offense, SHUT THE HELL UP!!!! AND THAT’S IT!!! I couldn’t count the number of times that some “12 since ’12” (copyright Alex Akita/Seattle Sportsnet) started (or tried to start) a SEA….HAWKS! chant while the offense was on the field. Some of these rubes actually stood up and were at full throat when the Hawks were going for it on 4th down. There were almost incidents of “12 on 12” crime when these newbies were shouted down by people who’d actually been to a game before. I was just stunned that a playoff game had turned into amateur hour. As Shooter McGavin would say, go back to your shanties.

“The human torch was denied a bank loan.” Which is too bad, because he’d need one to find his way to Atlanta. Delta, team airline of the Seahaws, is giving the 12’s a fantastic deal. You want to go to the ATL for the game on Saturday? We’ll put you in a cramped middle seat and hassle you with our battleax flight attendants for the low, low price of $1,050. On the plus side, you can get in the building for what it normally costs to park at a Seahawks playoff game. No wonder billboards in Atlanta have popped up imploring you to buy tickets. To paraphrase Harry Doyle from Major League, “they’re not the worst fans in sports for nothing folks”.

“You dirtbags have been in third place for five years. Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in... dead place.” Ok, maybe the Falcons haven’t been in 3rd place that long, but it’s not like this team is some unstoppable force. Matt Ryan’s 1-4 in his career in playoff games. Tom Brady, he is not. Hell, even Mike Vick had more playoff wins for the Falcons.

“I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady.” But that’s what I’m worried about. That Falcons offense has the ability to storm any castle. We saw it in person in Week 6 when in the 3rd quarter they had 3 straight drives for touchdowns, 2 of which included embarrassingly open receivers. We’ll be down an LOB member with Earl out, but we were down one in that game earlier in the year as Kam was still out with his injuries.

“Ron, I know it sounds harsh, but God does not want her to live.” Speaking of. Paging Kam Chancellor. Kam Chancellor, your presence is requested in the ribs of Julio Jones. The LOB is going to need to live up to its name in order for the Hawks to pull this out. Intimidation will be the word of the day. Kind of like in Pee-Wee’s Playhouse years ago. The word of the day comes up and every loses their shit. If Kam gives Julio the “Vernon Davis”, trust me we’ll all lose our shit in a similar way.

“Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast. It jumped up a notch.” And that’s what it will do if the Hawks trot out yet another slowwwwww road start. I’m done with Pom Pom Pete’s saying of you can’t win it in the 1st quarter, you can’t win it in the 2nd quarter, blah blah blah. You know what you can do? You can lose it in the 1st quarter. You can lose it in the 2nd quarter. Evidence? Exhibit A your honor, the divisional playoff last year in Charlotte. Down 31-0 at halftime. We’re not the Buffalo Bills and Frank Reich ain’t walking in that door. You know what’s ok? 17-14 at half. Or maybe 14-10. Give yourself a reasonable chance to have Russell pull his Houdini act in the 4th quarter.

“You're so wise. You're like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair.” I wish I had more hair and I wish less of it was going gray. And I’m certainly not miniature. But I am wise. I’ve gone back and forth on this game all week. I’ve got scars from what happened in Charlotte last year. I’m encouraged by what happened last week. History tells us that the road team in this round only has a 25% chance to win. Let’s see here. Houston? Surely you jest. Pittsburgh? Dammit, that backfired. They’re pretty good. Green Bay? Crap, this isn’t working the way I thought. Ah, screw it. None of the road teams won last week and that never happens in the Wild Card round. Time for a statistical anomaly.Seahawks 27, Falcons 23

A day we knew we’d never see is upon us. You’d be lying if you say you knew the Hawks were going to win that game in Minnesota as you saw Blair Walsh line up for that field goal. I was watching the game in a packed Dino’s Pub down in Renton and as that kick sailed wide, I can only describe it as spontaneous combustion. I’m honestly surprised there wasn’t seismic activity reported on Sunday afternoon as I’m sure that scene was repeated at countless places around the Seattle area.

All that’s great, but to paraphrase Bill Belichick, we’re on to Carolina. Someone check. I know that with all these teams moving around there might be some re-alignment, but did Carolina somehow get moved into our division? I swear we’ve played them more times in the last 5 years than we have Arizona. It’s almost starting to feel like that old Niners-Cowboys playoff rivalry, with the exception that the rest of the nation doesn’t hate these two teams as much. Well, not yet anyway. For the playoffs, we dip back into the classics. Let’s get ready for Sunday morning through the hijinks of Bushwood Country Club and Caddyshack.

“Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” I can’t be sure, but I could swear I heard someone yell that at Dino’s after Walsh’s kick hooked like my drive does off the tee. I couldn’t help but think that the legend of the golden horseshoe had been revived in one of the most improbable ways. What’s the golden horseshoe you ask? I wrote a missive about that a couple years back. Go ahead, take a look. I’ll wait. http://12thmanrising.com/2013/10/29/legend-golden-horseshoe/ There’s no doubt in my mind that Pete shined that thing up and had it with him on the sideline in Minneapolis.

In the immortal words of Slim Shady, guess who’s back, back again?! I know, I know, I’ve been a little derelict in my duties of attempting to provide some levity prior to each Seahawks game. If you’d been working 25% more hours the last 2 months at a job that actually pays you, you probably wouldn’t have a whole lot of extra time for jobs that don’t pay anything.

But no more excuses. It’s playoff time!! I’ll be honest though, the feeling is different. It’s a combination of something’s missing since the game isn’t at home and frustration since it felt like the Hawks could have flipped this switch much earlier in the year and we could have a home game. Nonetheless, we are where we are. We play the cards we’re dealt. Just might be tough to hold on to those cards on Sunday since we’d need about 5 layers of gloves to keep our fingers from falling off were we unfortunate enough to be sitting on the metal bleachers of TCF Bank Stadium. If there’s a movie I associate with Minnesota, it’s most definitely Grumpy Old Men. Let’s get ready for Sunday through the shenanigans of John Gustafson and Max Goldman.

“Cold enough for ya? Brrrrr! Oh shut up, fat ass!” Ok, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Or the Abominable Snowman in the room as it were. If you’ve been off the grid for the last week you might not have heard, but it’s apparently going to be cold on Sunday. It moves around, but the high is expected to be between 0 and 4 degrees with a wind chill about 15 degrees below that. But you know what it’s not? It’s not 20 below which is not uncommon in Minneapolis in the winter. It’s not being coupled with a blizzard, which also tends to happen back there. Yes, the ball can be harder to kick and catch in that kind of weather. Sure, everyone’s going to want to run the ball. Remind me, when these teams last met, how did the Vikings running game work for them? Exactly. So, let’s channel Aaron Rodgers here and R-E-L-A-X.

Sometimes in life we find that we have to learn the same lesson over and over. In the Seahawks case, it’s that lesson that the great Ric Flair has taught us. To be the man, you have to beat the man. The Hawks find themselves staring the man directly in the face with the Cardinals coming to town on Sunday night. Just as they looked them in the face last season when the Seahawks were 3 games back in the division. Thankfully they dispatched of the Cards with extreme prejudice that day on their way to winning their last 8 in a row and finding themselves in the home of the man for Super Bowl XLIV. In the interest of helping everyone keep their lunch down, we won’t take that lesson any further.

The NBC travelling circus known as Sunday Night Football comes to town this week. Let’s preview the game through the circus that took place on the campus of Harrison University in Old School.

“Fill it up again! Once it hits your lips, it’s so good!” It seems like we’ve gone 2 months without a home game and roughly about that long without a proper preview. Let’s see, what’s happened in that time? Well, the Great Gazoo (aka Colin Kaepernick) has found himself a warm spot on the bench as the Niners brass wait for the inevitable implosion of Blaine Gabbert. Our old pal Ken Whisenhunt has found himself in the enviable position of being paid millions of dollars not to coach the Titans. We now have more visual proof that Greg Hardy is a piece of human debris. And the Seahawks found ways to get a couple road wins and put themselves back in the playoff conversation after a few devastating losses. - Mark (aka HawksFN)

Are we back to speaking normally yet? Reason I ask is after a kick to the nuts like that on Sunday, you could be forgiven for being a little high-pitched for most of the week. But if nothing else, that game brought a vague problem into full clarity. The immutable law of averages has reared its ugly head lately. This team made its living with amazing comebacks in the 4th quarter. Pom Pom Pete has always admonished us when we dare to suggest that maybe scoring more points in the first half wouldn’t necessitate these 4th quarter miracles. Going to 2 straight Super Bowls certainly is ample evidence that he’s right. However, starting with this past Super Bowl, cracks have certainly developed in that theory. In each of the Seahawks last 4 losses, they’ve had the lead in the 4th quarter only to see it vaporize. The big plays are no longer there, and that’s both on offense and defense. When you’re depending on miracles, I hate to say it, sometimes they don’t come. It’s almost to the point of counting on winning the lottery as your retirement plan.

This latest loss has the 12’s picking sides and that’s never good. You’ve got one side blaming the defense for this. Pretty simple to see why. The offense didn’t give up 17 points in the 4th quarter. The other side blames the offense. I get that too. When your last 5 drives result in a total of 42 yards and 5 punts, it’s easy to lay blame at the foot of Darrell Bevell and the offense. Personally, I have to lean on the side that blames the defense for no other reason than the amount of money that’s been spent to put that defense together. As Hugh Millen has said, we’ve got a Wal-Mart offensive line with receivers from Target. Using that analogy, you’d have to say we at least thought we had a defense from Nordstrom. After Sunday, I don’t even think Nordstrom would take them back.

Well, well, well….we meet again. Seahawks fans…national media. National media…Seahawks fans. If we thought the NFL was avoiding putting nationally televised games in Seattle before, we now have reason number 133. Granted, nobody actually knew anything was wrong until about 20 minutes after the game, but we can’t let a good controversy go to waste. Anytime ESPN can milk something for a good 24-48 hours, you know they’ll do so. In my mind, Seattle is still in a pretty massive deficit in the ledger of positive/negative side of controversial calls. It’s going to take winning a Super Bowl on the kind of call we saw on Monday night to make up for Super Bowl XL.

Mark - @HAWKSFN So, I took the day off today.I planned it a while back.Today is a bit of an anniversary for me.It was on this date 3 years ago that I walked out of the University of Washington hospital after a stretch of 6 weeks where I had 4 separate brain surgeries and a 2.5 week stint in the ICU fighting off an infection that set up shop in my brain fluid and threatened to finish me off.So, I decided that a day to smell the roses was in order.Naturally, on a morning where I could sleep in and ease into the day, I wake up at 5:30.So, under the carpe diem theme of the day, I figured getting us ready for Sunday was a good way to spend the early morning hours.My coffee cup is full, it’s got a little Bailey’s in it, so let’s get this started. Our beloved Seahawks find themselves in an unfamiliar position.0-2 is something the 12th Man is not accustomed to and it’s showing.The 12s Since 12 are ready to jump ship.For those in that camp, may I suggest that Puget Sound is a big body of water.Feel free to jump in.You’ll make for a tasty snack for a pod of killer whales.For Seahawks fans, we know that while starting 0-2 is frustrating, the goals for this team are still well within reach.For those who enjoy numerology, any guesses on the percentage of teams that start 0-2 and still make the playoffs?Yep, that’d be 12. Thankfully, the soft landing known as the Chicago Bears come to town to allow the Seahawks to get well and point the ship in the right direction.Let’s preview Sunday’s affair through the shenanigans of Jake and Elwood Blues and the 1980 classic The Blues Brothers.“It's 106 miles to Chicago, we got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark... and we're wearing sunglasses. Hit it.” Well, it’s only about 15 miles from the humble abode here in Lynnwood to Seahawks Stadium, but the point’s well taken.Time to hit it.This fan base is ready to take out their angst on someone.Who better than Jimmy Clausen and the rest of the team that is the early frontrunner for the #1 draft pick in 2016?

Writer’s block sucks.Combine it with an extraordinarily busy last week and you get the formula for why I wasn’t able to get out a Week 1 preview.But never fear, we’re back for another year with hopefully amusing previews of the upcoming Seahawks game through the majesty of movie quotes.We kick the year off with the classic from the bayous of Louisiana.Let’s see what Bobby Boucher can do to get us ready for Sunday.“Oh no! We suck again!”I’d be lying if I said this thought didn’t cross my mind as I watched yet again the Seahawks finding a way to kick away a game in St. Louis. I swear there’s a twilight zone or Bermuda Triangle for the Seahawks in the state of Missouri.The 12’s Since 12 (copyright Seattle Sportsnet) won’t remember this, but the Seahawks could never find a way to win in Arrowhead Stadium, save for the Krieg-to-Skansi miracle in 1990.Now it seems like it’s either a massive struggle or they just outright lose every time they go to St. Louis, often times when the Rams are the vastly inferior team.

-Mark (@HAWKSFN)After two weeks that never seemed like they would end, we are now at the Day Before The Day Before (copyright Mike Williams). No more talk about Deflategate. No more talk about how Marshawn won’t talk. No more pro athletes hocking their wares on radio row. The only thing between us and the Super Bowl will be the insufferable 12-hour pregame show that will start in the wee hours of Sunday morning. I’ve been thoroughly impressed by the showing the 12th Man has put on display this week on the national media shows. They can’t take a camera shot that doesn’t include a Seahawk jersey or hat. I even saw a “Bring Back Our Sonics” sign on ESPN earlier today. I was thinking back the other day to how that compared to the game in Detroit 9 years back and there’s just no comparison. The national following of this team has just exploded. Granted, when a third of the population of the state of Washington either owns or has access to property in Arizona it is kind of a built in advantage, but still. And it is this exponential growth and ability to travel that has pushed Super Bowl tickets to the most expensive in history. That stock in Amazon or Microsoft must be doing really well since you can’t get in the building for less than $9,000 right now. Never did I think you’d have to have a credit check and two references to get into the stadium that the Cardinals call home. If you’ve been glued to the hype surrounding this game, you’ve most likely come away very nervous about the Seahawks chances to repeat and start the conversation that begins with the word “dynasty”. So, allow your friends here at Hawk Strong to alleviate those fears. You’ve heard all the national talking heads bore you to tears with things like yards per attempt, yards per catch, yadayadayada. Well, you’re not getting that here. The following most definitely would qualify as lies, damn lies, and statistics. • This Super Bowl pits yet again the league’s best offense against the league’s best defense. The team with the best defense has won 7 of the last 8 Super Bowls.• Teams that score 40+ points in a postseason game are 4-23 against the spread the following game. New England scored 45 against the Colts 2 weeks ago.• Vegas wants the Seahawks to win the game. $3 out of every $4 bet on the game is coming in on the Pats. As we all know, Vegas very often gets what it wants. • Teams that run an interception back for a touchdown are 12-0 in the Super Bowl. Paging Legion of Boom…Legion of Boom your presence is requested in the Patriot end zone. • The game may very well be over at the coin flip. Combined, when they win the toss, the Patriots and Seahawks are 18-2. When losing the toss, they’re a combined 10-6. • Along those lines, when the Seahawks won the toss and deferred this season, they were a perfect 6-0. I think Pete Carroll has definitely learned the lesson that Mike Holmgren never did. Always defer, particularly with a defense like this.• The Patriots have lost their last 2 Super Bowls, both to the Giants. The Giants had a very stout defense in those games, and they weren’t even in the same class as this Seahawks defense.• Tom Brady has not won a Super Bowl since he’s been involved with Gisele Bundchen. Only when Bridget Moynahan was in the picture was he able to win a title. • I’m on a current 1-0 streak when I watch Super Bowls the Seahawks are involved with at my friend Dave’s house and I cook an 11+ pound brisket. My destination on Sunday? Yep, Dave’s house. On the menu? 11.27 pound hunk of cow chest. • Finally, Russell Wilson is 10-0 in his career when playing against a Super Bowl-winning quarterback. I haven’t been able to tell from the coverage this week, but I’m pretty sure Tom Brady’s won a Super Bowl. After reading that, I’m not sure you even need to watch the game. I’d go save a prime spot for the parade on Wednesday. Ok, you could probably still get a decent spot if you went down after the game on Sunday night. Plus, you wouldn’t want to miss out on the tears that’ll be shed for the Patriots when you flip over to ESPN. Go Hawks!!Seahawks 31, Patriots 13

-Mark (@HAWKSFN) A little change of pace for this Super Bowl Bye Week column. No movie quote format this week. This week, the column is going to serve two purposes. First, it’ll be an attempt to continue the euphoria that this city is currently experiencing after witnessing what happened Sunday at CenturyLink Field. Second, it’ll serve as historical record so that as time goes by and some of the memories fade, we can use it to remind us all of the incredible event we were a part of Sunday. Here, in timeline format, was my personal account of January 18, 2015. 5:30am: The alarm has just gone off. To be honest, I probably didn’t need an alarm, but not because of my excitement for the day. A combination of the windstorm that howled through the night and a string of emergency vehicles driving by my place with sirens blaring, I was pretty much up a good portion of the night. But fatigue will not keep me down today. But I will need to pick up a 5-hour Energy at the gas station on the way to Seattle. 7:00am: Arrival at the tailgate. The scene is surreal. The alley is packed. There are piles of twisted metal where people left their canopies up all night and the wind just destroyed them. There’s also an unexplained river of Styrofoam. Normally when the alley is full, I can park on 1st Ave since parking’s free on Sundays. Not the case today. Everything was already taken and I had to bite the bullet and pay to park. The lot next to me already turned into a lake due to the rain overnight and now has whitecaps on it with the wind.

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