Most Helpful Girl

Do you decide who you are attracted to? No. Does anyone choose to be heterosexual? No. Nobody chooses their sexuality or who they're attracted to. Nobody wakes up one day as a child and says "I'm going to be -insert sexuality- from now on"... that doesn't make any sense. Homosexuality is not a choice, just like heterosexuality is not a choice. We can't control who we're attracted to, who we want to have sex with, who we fall for. You can get killed for being gay, why would anyone really choose that lifestyle on purpose when it's much more safe and easier to just be straight and follow the norm?

i've never found it easier to ”follow the norm” and i don't think others are all playing along just because it's easier as you say. i also think you are thinking about a lot of other factors. if someone were to mention them to you i bet you'd refuse to accept them as factors and say ”that doesn't make sense!”

@COCOCHANEL in terms of sexuality it actually is a lot easier to just follow the norm. This is why "staying in the closet" is a real thing that actually describes gay people (and possibly other members of the LGBTQ community) quite well in terms of being afraid of stepping outside the norm. Being afraid of who you are. In a lot of places it's still illegal to be gay. It's something you can get killed for, bullied for, abused for. And the bullying and abuse sometimes even leads to suicide. I'm not saying that this is something all or only gay people experience, of course not, but it is the part of many gay people's every day life.

I'm also not really sure what you mean by "other factors", or me denying them.

one of the factors for example being influenced by their environment especially but not limited to early childhood. how do you know that everybody is born that way and nobody makes a choice? do you know the true innermost feelings and histories of every gay person? at least one man on here says he made the choice.

@COCOCHANEL no, but I've listened to so many gay people's stories about how they have known for the longest time, just never really felt comfortable sharing it. I think the environment can have some influence, but ultimately I believe that the main factor is genetic. The man who explained that he chose to be gay might have been bi or gay all along, but didn't express it until he felt that he had made a choice. I don't think any truly straight person could just choose to be gay or bi with such ease, since we can't just decide who we are attracted to or not attracted to. I don't claim to know everyone's individual experience. But I do know that we can't force ourselves to like people we don't like.

i agree with your last sentence. i chose to move away from the united states because i didn't find anyone attractive. i was always very shy and sensitive but i never hid the fact that i like a certain type of man and i was teased and accused of being a lesbian and having bad taste and being weird on a DAILY basis. i did not care ! i did not feel the need to follow any kind of ”normal”. also, i lived in several cities in america and people were openly gay and there were no crimes commited against them.

@COCOCHANEL it's great that you didn't care and that you didn't try to force yourself to have a different preference. Not everyone is so lucky to have that kind of confidence though, it's not easy for everyone to just ignore the people who bully and abuse you. And it's nice that you lived in an area that was accepting of gay people. But many areas aren't. Many people treat it as a disease or "sick choice of lifestyle". The hate for homosexuality is a lot more frequent and widespread, which is why it's also a lot "easier" to encounter it and to let it get to you. Even if you're not openly gay, you still get a lot of indirect hate and abuse from it. Whereas if you, for instance, weren't as open about your preferences, I doubt anyone would have said anything (indirectly or directly) offensive about your preferences.

well i didn't go around talking about it but when ”attractive” men hit on me and i ignored/delcined them people thought it was strange. i wasn't exactly open about it. i didn't announce the fact that i have a certain preference but i had posters in my locker? when asked i would answer honestly. i didn't ask for feedback from others, they would just come up and tell me what a freak i was for liking something that wasn't accepted or understood in that part of the world.

i understand what you're saying but honestly i've never seen openly gay people receive anything except support and praise and like i said i lived in several areas in the states. big cities, suburbs and even a small town.

The reason why a lot of openly gay people get support is because they know they'll get it. Most of the gay people who stay in the closet do so because they already KNOW that their family won't accept it (most likely for religious reasons), and the same goes for friends and other relatives. Most people who are comfortable coming out are usually the ones who already know they'll be accepted, at least to some degree.

What Girls Said 20

I think what confuses some people is when there are those that act like they can choose their sexuality.I've heard women say, "I use to date men but they all cheated on me, so now I date women".When people operate that way, people view someones sexuality as a light switch.They believe it is a choice.This is where the misconception comes from.I think those that act like they are choosing, are those confused with their sexuality to begin with.

People who say that they jumped from dating one gender to dating another gender (without difficulty), are probably just bisexual. No straight person could start dating the same sex with such ease. Not because it's disgusting or anything, but because straight people simply aren't attracted to people of the same sex. So those people who say things like that don't really understand their own sexuality, or sexuality as a whole.

Gay people are discriminated against, made fun of, mistreated by their family members and by society in general, threatened and sometimes killed. So, why anyone would choose to live this way? . Any person in their right mind, would not choose that. So, I believe that you are born gay, you don't decide it.

If you could decide then homosexual people would choose to be heterosexual, because that's what is acceptable by society.

My best friend came out of the closet last year. I've known her for a few years and she always told me that she sometimes questioned her sexuality. She could be totally obsessed with beautiful female artists but not male and she thought girls were really pretty too. All the time she wasn't sure, but then she met a really nice girl she fell in love with. She's now happy with her lovely girlfriend and I couldn't be happier for her. The fact that she always felt confused and felt it from young age I would say she was born with it. Alos there were lots of gay people tortured, shamed off and murdered because they were gay. I just can't believe it's a choice for them too. Not a lot of people are so stubborn to stand with their choice if they're threatened to be killed.

It can be both. Many kids raised in same sex couple households often identify as gay/lesbian meaning it can be environmental while many people growing up in two parent opposite sex households have identified as gay/lesbian as well.

You're born gay. Just like we are born straight. However, people can have bouts of bi-curiosity that can cause them to prefer another gender that wasn't their initial preference. But if we are talking about straight up homosexuals/lesbians, they are born that way.

God, I specifically said in my opinion. Who pissed in your cereal? I personally think that it is a preference which isn't something you can control. It just is what it is. So for example some people have a favourite food that has been their favourite since they could eat.. for others it changes some. So that doesn't mean it is fluid for everyone. @FinickyGirl

I think its caused by your environment. People might have the potential to become gay but their environment determines whether or not they choose to express those traits. They can also control how they respond to their environment.

I didn't make a choice to be attracted to men, that's just how it always was. I assume for people who are gay that it's the same for them - that's just who they were attracted to.As for heterosexuals being disgusted by the idea of gay attraction, I'm kinda mystified by heterosexual men 'cause they get turned on by female bodies. Homosexual men make way more sense to me.

I didn't down vote. But I do want to know what your response is to the common argument of why someone would choose to be gay since they go through so much discrimination and outright hatred in their lives? Why would anyone choose that life?

i cannot speak for others but what i can say is that in the various places i've lived gays were/are accepted and not discriminated/hated. i have seen how people react (but usually they don't) and it's very neutral. i was teased a lot for making the choices to like what i like but i never let it bother me.

and furthermore, i've been teased and ridiculed for believing in God and i don't even fucking bring it up. i'm just trying to live my life and athiests come up and try to pick fights with me after they ask if i believe in God. should i fucking hide my beliefs? same fucking thing on here.

everyone i've ever met told me there's no way that i was born to be attracted only to east Asian men. caucasian men are especially angry about this and refuse to believe that i am not attracted to them. they say it's a very odd choice and they can't understand it. you tell me.

no i've never thought about it like that. i think that things happen to people and they may or may not realize that what happened. we get influenced by our surroundings and it might be something we didn't think about at the time.

You are born gay. It is not logical to say people chose because (less so now.. but..) gaus are constantly being judged. In some countries they're beaten in the streets. Why would anyone subject themselves to this v cruelty when they can choose to be straight. Let me ask all straight people here. Did you cost to be straight? Did you make a conscious decision to like yhe opposite sec or did it just happen?

There are people who are strictly attracted to their own gender or the opposite gender, there really is no denying that. The people who switch between genders easily are bisexual, not to be confused with homosexual people.

I can't even decide which ice cream flavor I like. How would you choose who you're attracted to?

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Anonymous

I know with me, I just instinctively develop crushes on guys - these intense feeling of attraction, excitement, desire, etc. You simply can't control how you feel (you can only hide it). Just like I did not chose to have guys arouse these feelings in me, gay people do not chose to have people of the same gender arouse their feelings

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Anonymous

You're born like it, no doubt about that. I've had crushes on and been attracted to girls for as long as i can remember, it wasn't a choice.

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Anonymous

Will for one your not born gay people just want to be gay but your not born gay hell if you was born gay then I would be gay and I'm not I have a freaking awesome boyfriend.

Hey look that's your decision to be gay but your not born that way and your sure and the hell ain't made that way that's just what a person decide to be. But look if you want to be gay and Go To Hell Then I don't care! And science ain't shit its lies its all lies man is fucking your mind up. So good luck in hell

What Guys Said 22

If you dont want a religious view I'll tell u why it's environmental. This is scientific. Anyway so M/Z twins have exactly the same genes and DNA. Therefore if one twin has a fault in there genes a mutation the other does too. Therefore, it does not explain why when one twin is a homo the other isn't always. When one twin has gayness it should be that the other twin is 100% gay too if it was down to genes. Evidence supports this because statistically 60% of the time when one is the other is to. But what about the 40% that is unaccounted for? The 40% is down to the environment because it has become a fashion statement and a trend for people to become phags. Honestly it is unnatural and in my opinion it is due to a faulty gene being passed on just like every other mutation. God made Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve... that's my religious point summed up.

Sexuality and sexual attraction is an interesting thing. You see sexual attraction is both genetic and not genetic, i believe. Why it is genetic: All organisms have to single goal of procreating. This is why all animals know to reproduce with the opposite sex. Or why they are attracted to the opposite sex. Why it is not genetic: Physical attraction is not genetic;however, in the sense that genes don't control what hair color or eye color you find attractive.So where does this leave us? Well given this information we can draw a number of conclusions. First of all, all organisms are supposed to be attracted to the opposite sex so they can fulfill their purpose (which is to procreate). However, physical appearance can also play a factor in this. Genes do not control what looks we find attractive, besides through primal sexual emotions and physical aspects (maybe). Finally, if you are gay you are either choosing to be gay or you were born with a defect (not meant to be offensive) that makes you not attracted to females.

I swore allegiance to the almighty vagina from a very young age. I didn't choose that path it just happened. From talks with a lesbian friend I had in high school, it was the same way for her as well. She was never attracted to boys. She would date guys because that's what she felt she was supposed to do but she had to picture a girl to enjoy anything with a boy. She's married to the woman of her dreams (we've had gay marriage in Massachusetts since 2004) and they're super happy together. I'd link their YouTube channel but I don't want people to find out who I am lol

My sister, who is gay and, to be honest is one of the most well known advocates on the globe for numerous facets in terms of the lifestyle, stated that she developed the feelings after college.

From a medical perspective that fits what is known about specific transitions and/or specific changes based on outside stimuli so I cannot personally say anything other than taking her word which has been static and intelligent for many years now. Further, before she become what she is now she was also within the medical field as I am so I have no reason to doubt what she says.

That's interesting, did she have any confusion in her teen years or was she heterosexual up until college time? I'm only asking because I spent a good few years of my younger teens thinking I may be only attracted to women but then U-turned totally once I left school.

@girlscoutsrevenge She liked men, was with men, and then after college made the decision to go the other direction citing it was a feeling she had developed. The big "shhh" in terms of this issue is that, for whatever reason, a small but loud portion of the homosexual community wants to keep it hush hush that these are developed and gained traits in many cases. Why they wish to keep it quiet I have no idea but over and over again, case by case, this shows to be the facts outside of an extremely small number.

C. Talk to a lot of 'gay' guys (or watch a group of drunk gay guys) and you will realise a lot of the most "I'm gay get used to it" are actually Bi guys who choose to identify as gay and over compensate trying to be the emitome of the culture... kind of the same as the repressed gay homophobes. Its really odd. Not saying that there are no completely gay guys. Just that a lot arn't as definitive as they claim.

I think people are generally born neutral towards the idea of sexuality itself, but infatuation and the biological response is about 92% biological. I mean, do you actually think you get to pick and choose what girls you're infatuated to at first sight? I actually voted C) because I think some people are just not repulsed by the idea as much and do pursue it.

There are no studies that have found a gay gene, so until they find that gene, I am not going to believe anyone is born gay. I think sexual orientation might have something to do with how you are born, but mostly I think it depends on environment and outer factors. (Which actually has been proven)

I think it's a decision. But, if people are born that way, then there is some mental malfunction. This is not the way nature intended the human animal to be. With that said, I don't have a problem with gays if that's how they want to live. What I have a problem with is being forced by society to accept it. I have my opinions and if someone doesn't like it? To fucking bad. People are allowed to think the way they want without being condemed for it and it doesn't matter what it is.

I voted D. I have some female friends who are totally straight but turn completely weak for this gay tomboy girl from the city. So i guess it depends. I think some people have this appearance that makes people fall in love with them