Challenged by Fibromyalgia, but not A Fibro Blog. Raising all girls, but not An All Daughters Blog. Raising an autistic daughter, but not An Autistic Parenting Blog. A working mom and wife, but I'm so much more than all of these things. Life blog. My blog.

Happy April! What a gorgeous day today is. All of my girls are feeling well; it’s sunny and temperatures are supposed to reach 40*F; I’m finishing my first cup of coffee while wearing one of my favorite sweaters before getting ready for work.

I think it’s time to assess the things I’m grateful for, especially with Easter coming up this weekend.

Today, on April 1st 2015, I’m very grateful for:

coffee

very large coffee mugs

like, coffee mugs that will fit three 12-oz servings of coffee to drink all at once and that’s like… oh sheesh, math… 36 oz in one mug!

the fact that my family understands the importance of coffee in my life

my husband

my children

seeing so much good in my daughters, with love reflected back to me and in everything they do

oh my gosh, why isn’t my hairdresser further up this list? clearly great haircuts from my awesome stylist ought to be further up this list. Last but not least, saved the best for last, and all that, right?

I happen to live in the state where the Newington school that’s being criticized for curbing the Halloween celebration within its campus is being criticized. I can’t believe this nonsense has gone national. A few parents got their panties in a twist claiming a violation of “rights” because their children couldn’t dress up profusely and have their costumes paraded around their schools. Because the schools didn’t want to have an entire WEEK of scholastic disruption.

Because of a common sense policy:

The school and administration there are getting threats of violence from all over the country .

People are sending hate mail from all over the country.

People are upset that Newington is caving to overly political correctness shoved onto them by evil liberals. Like the words political correctness and liberal are bad words or bad things to be.

Administrators are being accused of caving to radical Islam (say what now???)

Administrators are being accused of assaulting Christianity and Tradition and generally Ruining Everything

Yeah, no. Just… shut up. Shut up shut up shut up shuttity up up up.

I can’t even fathom why anyone would seriously and consciously violently threaten ANYONE for setting a reasonable rule for a school. I have no argument in favor and every argument against. Other than that, I can’t really formulate polite words.

An Aside: Why do people say Politically Correct as if it’s a bad thing? Adjusting our language and behavior in order to be sensitive to the cultures and traditions and feelings of others is a GOOD THING. We become enraged and make threats of violence when others don’t do the same for us…

…but I suppose it only matters and is important if we feel it’s Christianity that’s being marginalized. I love my faith, I love Jesus, I love my God, and I love my current Pope (yo! Shout out to Pope Frankie!) and I love most of my fellow human beings but a lot of the time I don’t like many of my fellow Christians. The Bible gets twisted to mean terrible things, and while it’s corrupted, the Ten Commandments are ignored. In place of goodness, kindness, tolerance, love, and generosity, I read and hear about hate, selfishness, rage, and self-entitlement.

No, Christianity is not being assaulted. As a whole when we include all denominations, we are the majority religion in the United States and we are a major world religion. We are not in the minority in any way. That is a statistical fact. We are not marginalized in America. We tend to be catered to. We tend to be the religious group with the greatest power. That’s not to say that in some areas of the world, Christians aren’t persecuted, executed for being Christian, hated simply for being Christian. I know that right here in the U.S. there are plenty of people who hate Christians for breathing and painting us all with the same extremist evangelistic brush… much the same way people of all other persuasions make broad generalizations and hate simply to hate. Some people just hate anyone who is not exactly the same as they are. I know Christians who hate other Christians because they’re not the same denomination. I know Christians who hate others within their own denomination for “not being Same Denomination enough.”

Haters gonna hate.

Aw, damn it Taylor Swift. Brain, why you gotta be like that? Toss in Taylor Swift in the middle of a thought process. Oi.

Ok, so Halloween is, literally, All Hallow’s Eve. That means it’s the evening before All Soul’s Day (think Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows… the Deathly Souls) or as some like to call it, All Saint’s Day. This next part is very important:

Halloween is not a holy day for Christians. Tomorrow is.

Dear fellow Christians,

All Saints Day is “our day” and no one is taking it away. We get to recognize both Halloween and All Saints Day aka All Soul’s Day anywhere we want all we want. We can even go to church tonight (the vigil mass) or tomorrow to honor this holy day. Cool, huh? Costumes and candy have nothing to do with it. Church has everything to do with it.

Love,

Jessica

Interestingly enough, not all Christian denominations celebrate Halloween. I think Jehovah’s Witnesses refrain from Halloween, as well as some Evangelicals and other similar denominations. It’s because we are to abstain from all appearances of evil… even dressing up and making fun of evil and anything that could possibly be construed as an association with evil IE. Halloween, the candy, the parties, the costumes, the make-up, the parades. It’s way more complicated than that for those denominations but Catholics aren’t like that. We like Halloween and we like All Saints Day. *Please note I’m not really speaking for all Catholics regarding Halloween, but All Saints Day is a Holy Day on the Catholic Calendar.

Of course there’s a lot as to why people dress up as ghosts, goblins, ghouls, scary witches, skeletons, devils, mass murderers, zombies, etc. There’s a reason why it’s “spooky” with a paranormal feel, why it’s creepy. Why owls at night give us shivers and some people still think Satan lives in my black cat, Luna.

It has to do with Samhain, an actual blessed day for Wicca, Pagan, and Celtic religions, that honors the Autumn harvest and coming of Winter as it sits halfway between the autumn equinox and the winter solstice and in fact, Samhain predates All Saints Day. It’s a really spiritual time, when the doorway between our world and the spiritual world is thinned. A time when anything could happen and people feel vulnerable. Even if we don’t believe the same things as those religions, we still feel the cultural effects lingering from the days when our ancestors were afraid.

Dressing up as what scares you most lets you hide in plain sight from those very scary things.

We get to hide among the creeperss, letting ourselves believe that if the evil spirits came out on Halloween then they couldn’t distinguish between us and them and therefore we must be safe out in the dark while we put our complete and utter trust in our neighbors to not put poison into the candy they pass out. It’s a societal show of trust that we allow strangers and neighbors to give our children candy while we let our children go door to door in costumes out of arm’s reach.

We get to do that regardless of our religious affiliation or cultural background to beg for free candy from strangers and neighbors all we like as long (as the porch lights are on at the houses… leave the houses with the porch lights off alone). Dressing up for Halloween and begging for candy; attending Halloween parties; sending your children to schools that allow it in costumes…. as long as we remember that it has nothing to do, really, with Christianity.

Honestly, as a parent in general but also as a parent specifically to two children that don’t react well to HFCS and food dyes, with one of them being lactose intolerant to boot, I really don’t want teachers sending my kids home at the Rage Stage of the sugar rushes.

If your school has a policy of “no costumes, no candy, no overtly obnoxious Halloween” then please remember that your rights aren’t being trampled. I’ve come to realize this is actually Mom Spent Way Too Much On A Costume And Wants To Make Sure Nevaehly Is Seen Dressed Up As Pryness Elsa By As Many People As Possible And That Includes School Damn It. If that’s your issue then throw a damn Halloween party. Halloween falls on a Friday this year so go to three Halloween parties. Knock yourself out. You can let your child sleep in the costume and go on errands in it.

Your child won’t care, and won’t remember because her rights aren’t being trampled either. It’s not that big of a deal. Your child will remember Trick or Treating with youin the neighborhood. Your child will cherish those memories. Your child will grow up and have fond memories when she sees the photos of when she was a wee one with white faced cat make-up and pink cat ears while Daddy hugged her tight. They will show their children how they had their pictures taken year after year in their costumes at the front door of your home, how they got taller every year as they and their costumes changed. They’ll shed a tear when they see their first Cinderella costume in the memory box and you ask if it might fit their daughter that year. They’ll remember attending parties with you, helping pass out candy to others, drinking cocoa together, sorting through the loot on the floor looking for open wrappers and candy that might cause allergic reactions.

We packed up the baby factory years ago. My youngest is 9 years old going on 40. I’m turning 40 next month. Well… 30 with ten years experience. Seeing babies and pregnant women often makes me want to have more of my own. I miss the newborn and infant stages… all of the littleness stages.The practicality of it is obvious, I suppose, but the emotions of it aren’t gone so I need a new rundown of why it’s probably good that we’re done having babies.

I’m not a spring chicken

We can come and go from the house without having to pack up lots and lots of gear

The children are mostly self-sufficient and independent

I wouldn’t have to deal with morning sickness that lasts 24/7

We don’t have to think up cutesy ways of telling people that “we” are pregnant

We don’t have to decide if we want to wait or find out the sex of a baby and then answer endless questions about it

I won’t have to hear old wives tales about how I’m carrying, eating, looking

No more diaper changing or spit up unless I’m babysitting for someone else

I won’t have to answer personal questions about pregnancy or jokes about how I got that way

We don’t need to see people’s facial expressions when they hear name considerations that they dislike

We don’t need to worry about agreeing on a name together for a brand new human

We won’t have to rearrange bedrooms for a crib

We won’t have to tip-toe around nap times or worry about getting a baby used to a noisy house

We won’t have to answer questions on what style of parenting we’re going to use

I won’t have to take 6 weeks maternity leave from work and then get so emotional that I have to quit my job to stay home because I just can’t leave my baby

I can look at other pregnant women and feel a little jealous or envious, but the feeling passes

I don’t have to argue for or against natural birth or epidurals or c-sections or hospital birth or home birth or magic wands

I don’t have to share my opinion on “push presents”

I can hold other babies and spend time with toddlers, but I get to go home with my own daughters

I get to keep being the cool auntie to new babies

I don’t have to worry about SIDS unless a newborn is sleeping over my house

I baby-talk at the cats

Toilet training is over

We no longer watch Blue’s Clues and Dora the Explorer on endless loops

I can no longer remember all of the names of each Wiggle

I don’t have to worry about whether I have to defend breastfeeding or bottle feeding

I don’t have to worry about whether I have to defend cloth diapering or disposable diapering

Regarding 17, 18, 26 and 27… I don’t mind my brain to mouth filter quite as much as I used to in my old-ish age

I really need the coffee and pregnancy would hinder that, and more children would increase my need for it

I have a chronic pain disorder and let’s face it, pregnancy would exacerbate my Fibromyalgia

Babies are expensive

We would need all new baby gear and clothes

We really need a new dishwasher

And a new heater

And a new hot water boiler

We could also use some new windows

Maybe some curtains too

I’d also love a new living room set

We also need to get the girls some new bedroom furniture

And I really enjoy being able to get my hair done every few months

We also enjoy buying groceries

And affording coffee

My memory is not what it used to be, and a new baby could end up on the middle school bus while my middle schooler is happily sleeping in a crib

I need far more sleep than a newborn would give me

Or a toddler for that matter

I recently had a dream that I was still in high school and left my baby in the gymnasium because the bell rang and it was lunch time but when I went back the baby was gone

My three dearest and best lifelong friends, who no matter how long it is in between talks or visits, it’s as if it was just a weekend ago; they’re the most forgiving, loving, generous people I’ve ever met

The best office mate ever, who has become another one of my very best friends… and as important to me as my left leg :)

My boss, who I also count as a dear friend and is one of the most inspiring and understanding people I’ve ever met, and I consider my life better for knowing her

My eldest is watching some show about a boy band, and there was a song with a catchy tune. Gracie was half-listening while watching her little sister play a video game. All of a sudden she comes into the living room paying more attention to the song with a horrified look on her face.

“It would not be good to be tongue tied!”

“What are you talking about, honey?”

“Having your tongue tied would hurt! It would be BAD!”

I realized that she had a mental image of someone’s tongue being tied in knots or something similar. Maybe it was tied like a bow on a shoe. Still, I had trouble hiding the slight smile on my face because she had misinterpreted the phrase but mainly because I was imagining what I knew she was imagining. Then suddenly we were both giggling. After a few minutes she was puttering in the kitchen making a snack and I could hear her giggling.

When she came back into the living room I explained what being tongue tied meant according to the song.

“So honey, when someone says they’re ‘tongue tied’ it’s a saying.”

“Oh no.”

“Yes. It means that they’re having trouble saying what they really want to say. Like in the song the boy wanted to tell the girl that he really likes her a lot and maybe loves her but she makes him nervous so when the words come out of this mouth they come out jumbled and garbled. Tongue tied.”

… like, never dude. I haven’t cried from pain in a while but today did me in. Something felt like it wanted to rip a muscle right out of my neck. It was downright scary. It ended up easing up after several minutes. I don’t even know how long it lasted. Thank God my husband was here. If it didn’t stop being as excruciatingly sharp and painful when it did I was going to beg to go to the ER.

When it did let up I couldn’t hold my head up. I held up my arm and the pain went down as far as my elbow. It felt like I had been lifting weights. I’m still sore as if I pulled a muscle, and there’s a headache now that won’t go away. I’m not sure if it’s from the neck … um … issue? or the weird almost-thunderstorm that passed by.

I do have to say that Sam Worthington is making my day much more bearable. Clash of the Titans is on TNT. Oh shush. I love him. He’s my boyfriend. And if Perseus really existed he would rip that pain right out of me just like he ripped off the head of Medusa. Okay, maybe he sliced it off. And I know it wasn’t like a precision cut or anything but in any case he would make things better. All that demigodliness. I

Also, maybe it’s just that I feel like giving up today but I really want some crab Rangoon. Delicious fried Chinese take-out goodness with that uber-unhealthy red sauce. And some real bacon. That’s what I want. If I’m going to be in pain anyway then why can’t I eat like shit? Give up the vegetarianism and healthy food? Which brings me to something else. After fasting I had my blood test. I mentioned that before. What I didn’t mention is that my cholesterol was STILL too high. In the upper end of normal, but away from being in the danger zone by only 1 point. My good cholesterols were too low. My blood sugar was too high too. I’m a tad frustrated.

Perseus would know what to do. Plus he would go and get me some Chinese take-out, bacon from IHoP, and he’d also anticipate my desire for Ben & Jerry’s Late Night Snack ice cream. He would buy me three containers of the B&J’s ice cream so that we could share one tonight, and then I’d still have some for later in the week. He would also think ahead and put the kids to bed for me so that I wouldn’t have to share with them. Because he’s a hero. While I’m at it, he could talk to his father Zeus and see about making this shiznit Fibro go away. Poof.