Defining What Exactly is True Love?

Updated on February 15, 2013

Defining True Love: Is it the fairy tale we have been to led to believe? And if not what does it actually look like? | Source

Why do we even care what True Love is?

It is an age-old question to determine do we have true love. Did we meet our Prince or Princess? Do we finally get to stop looking? True love is a challenging concept to define and many have tried to define it before, the writing of songs, poems, and fairytales all in the name of love.

Is true love a fairy tale?

Can true love be defined?

Looking at the four definitions of Love from the Greeks holds some answers:

Agape, this is the word for general affection, being content whilst holding someone in high regard. This is definitely necessary have part of the recipe for true love. It is also broad enough to incorporate other close relationships. This has also been procured to use for the unconditional love of God.

Love is the Beauty of the Soul by Saint Augustine

Eros, this is the passionate element, with sexual desire and physical intimacy. Which in a True Love, happily ever love, this is a requirement. It cannot be the only thing working in the relationship or you will end up resenting everything, yourself, your partner, and yes even sex.

The real lover is one who can thrill you by kissing your forehead or smiling in to your eyes or just staring in to space. Marilyn Monroe

Philla, this is the love you have for friends which is an affection love.

If you judge people you have not time to love them. Mother Theresa

Storge, means affection through familiarity. This is not used often in Greek Literature, however has been used in times such as putting up with a despot because they are familiar.

The following attributes are on display where there is True Love:

- Speaking well of the person you love

This shows respect, and is more effective at “staking your claim” than a flag or tattoo. People hear the way you speak about each other and show a strong relationship.

- Respect

Despite what your true love does, you need to be able to respect them, for what they do and who they are.

- Holding in high regard

This is very similar to respect, however it is placing their reputation up, and never speaking down to them or about them.

- Intimacy

To be alone together privately, by talking together and sharing erotic moments.

- Acknowledge efforts

Be thankful and appreciative of each other’s efforts even if it doesn’t work out the way it was intended.

- Relax together

Do things together, which are relaxing: such as watching movies or reading books.

- Respect each other as individuals

You won’t always like the same things and you both need time to do your own thing, and it is about respecting and trusting each other to enrich each other’s lives and come back later to discuss it.

- Trust

Being mistrusted is a feeling none of us appreciate and it really doesn’t help the relationship. You need to discuss things, which make you feel mistrustful, with your partner.

- Honesty

Open communication, be honest. This doesn’t mean to discuss your day by 5 minute incriminates, although if something happen which the other person would feel concerned about or cares a lot about, share it sooner rather than later.

- Communication

This includes listening, not just talking and being open to problem solving.

- Passion

Closeness, wanting to spend time alone with kisses and cuddles.

- Togetherness

Be united don't take the mickey out of your True Love in front of others and if you don't agree with them discuss it in private.

- Shared goals

Have some things you do separately but goals around family, children and finances help to have shared goals.

The first true love needs to be you and this is why:

Stephen Chbosky - "We accept the love we think we deserve."

This quote is not a popular one a some stages and I would not use this in relation to anyone in really terrible circumstances. Being manipulated and tricked is not a loving action and being in a violent relationship is different. Relationships along with people change, sometimes not for the better.

In general if we don’t love ourselves or we don’t believe we are deserving of love, we settle for situations less than desirable and convince ourselves it is all we are worth. Most people are able to read other people and this will be picked up quickly and you may be about to settle for a life of meeting someone else’s needs which is not love.

If you don’t love yourself. How can you help somebody else love you in a way which is meaningful to you if you can’t?

It would seem all the communication, and getting to know each other seems to go by the wayside.

To be wooed, romanced, down to the breakdown daily tasks all needs to be discussed with the person you wish to create true love with.

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Comments 6 comments

I agree with you, you need to love yourself first before you will ever find true love. Well written hub, thanks.

Abbasangel 3 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks LisaMarie724, I do plan to continue to explore this theme as I feel we define our love and worth on those we give love to. Neglecting investing in ourselves.

prospectboy 3 years ago from Texas

Very nice hub. I learned something new reading about the Greek meanings of love. As far as my opinion goes, I definitely agree with a good portion of what you wrote. Especially the ending when you talk about how we need to love ourselves first. I think this is something that a lot of people have gotten away from, which has lead to a lot of people "settling" like you mentioned. I'm a firm believer that everything in our lives should start with us first. Therefore, we should always love ourselves first. Great hub. Voted up!

Abbasangel 3 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks Prospectboy! I really believe if we don't know ourselves, how can we expect somebody else to love us in a meaningful way? I kind of like there is a definition for loving a tyrant, because we do love them however, for our own sake we need to set boundaries about their role in our life. Thanks for your comments! :)

hrymel 3 years ago from Fort George G Meade, MD

I knew about the Greek types of love Agape and Eros, but I had no idea about Philla and Storge. Very insightful, and I learned a lot.

Abbasangel 3 years ago from Australia - The land down under Author

Thanks Hrymel, I absolutely love that the Greeks took the time to split it, in English speaking countries we love is a word which seems to be Taboo, and most often identified with sex when it is so much more and could revolutionize our lives!