blog: about death and dying and life and living

As I write this, I am currently engaged in studying my Masters in Counselling. The requirement to meet deadlines is an accepted part of the process in academia at whatever level one is at. Throughout my academic life I have learned that I prefer to get my assignments done well and on time. This is the biggest commitment I maintain whilst studying. Whatever happens in between the beginning and the end of an assignment, semester or degree is less important. Self-care is also part of ensuring that my assignments are done well and on time. It takes getting enough sleep, eating well and having some fun along the way for me to do well and meet deadlines. I am mindful of my limitations and strengths, of how best I can study and still get everything else done in my personal life.

During my undergraduate studies, where I completed degrees in Counselling and Behavioural Science, I tried to become the student I had always wanted to be. You know, the kind who stays up late, drinks copious amounts of coffee and still manages to work and party!? Umm...that lasted for about a week. As a mature-aged student, my hopes for immortality were crushed. At the same time, I learned that I could still enjoy and in fact, love being a student, but perhaps without the body-destroying lifestyle that in my mind was the epitome of student life.

I do know that I am committed to my goals when it comes to living my life fully before I die! The suggestions in the next section have helped me along the path, especially when it comes to staying in the present moment, meeting my daily goals, and maintaining joy in what I do.

I leave you with an excerpt taken from the Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) website on acting mindfully...and being committed to your life...how committed are you?

Contacting The Present Moment means being psychologically present: consciously connecting with whatever is happening right here, right now.

Defusion means learning to step back or detach from unhelpful thoughts and worries and memories: instead of getting caught up in your thoughts, or pushed around by them, or struggling to get rid of them, you learn how to let them come and go - as if they were just cars driving past outside your house. You learn how to step back and watch your thinking, so you can respond effectively - instead of getting tangled up or lost inside your thinking.

Acceptance means opening up and making room for painful feelings and sensations. You learn how to drop the struggle with them, give them some breathing space, and let them be there without getting all caught up in them, or overwhelmed by them; the more you can open up, and give them room to move, the easier it is for your feelings to come and go without draining you or holding you back.

The Observing Self is the part of you that is responsible for awareness and attention. We don't have a word for it in common everyday language - we normally just talk about the "mind'. But there are two parts to the mind: the thinking self - i.e. the part that is always thinking; the part that is responsible for all your thoughts, beliefs, memories, judgments, fantasies etc. And then there's the observing self - the part of your mind that is able to be aware of whatever you are thinking or feeling or doing at any moment. Without it, you couldn't develop those mindfulness skills. And the more you practice those mindfulness skills, the more you'll become aware of this part of your mind, and able to access it when you need it. (The technical term for this, in ACT, is 'self-as-context'.)

Values are what you want your life to be about, deep in your heart. What you want to stand for. What you want to do with your time on this planet. What ultimately matters to you in the big picture. What you would like to be remembered for by the people you love.

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What participants have to say

"I thoroughly recommend attending Ava’s seminar, it is very thought provoking and enlightening. It also helped me to gain perspective about what really matters at the end of the day. Ava’s embraced the day with sensitivity and humour and I left feeling like I had gained clarity in being able to come to terms with death."

"Thanks Ava for a most interesting and touching event. I am inspired by others stories of their experiences of death. Certainly a unique workshop and I look forward to seeing it grow and evolve. Well done you!"

"What a fantastic workshop. A workshop on how to live a more passionate and fulfilling life, by exploring your eminent death. Done with humour and honesty - for more info on this intriguing and professional workshop, go to...(this website)"