my son and his habits

i have a 14 year old son named joseph. i recently caught my son masturbating to porn on the internet. i opened the door to the computer room and he jumped then i jumped and shut the door. i had no idea how to handle it. i don't mind that much really, i'm just kind of confused. i've never had a real sex talk with him before. is it a big deal? can i let it go or should i say something to him? and what?

i was just wondering what the best move would be. i grew up in a jahovah's witness family, my parents were against masturbation. so growing up it felt wrong to enjoy it. i think i want my son to enjoy that freedom. if i don't say anything to him, should i just assume he has proper responsibility?

If don't say anything, he'll keep doing it (who wouldn't?) Now if you do say something, it could be very awkward. I would say that if you want to be open with your son, talk to him about it. But it really depends on you as a parent. Leaving it alone won't hurt anything... but it might make it harder to talk to him about sex later on if you don't start now.

You should probably go install some sort of fire wall if you didn't already, tell him not to spill his load anywhere but in a napkin/TP, maybe tell him the basics like "respect women" and "they're not mere sex toys" (unless she's the third in a 3some, haha just kidding) and all that jazz.

Well, that's what I'd do. I think I'll be a parent like mine, joking around with my kids a lot like they would with their friends. Jokes can be crude around your parents, too! Haha.

Gold Member

Look at the number of young individuals coming to this site to ask questions and calm fears AFTER they have already made poor choices..... In my opinion it's time to make sure your son knows some very important facts about sex and does not count on what his friends have told him, or some of the misinformation he may have found on the net.

Honestly, I believe it is very important for familys to educate their children about sex. It is a huge part of life, it is the only reason we are all here, so why would you teach your children about one aspect of life just to leave out another very important aspect of life.(you see what I am saying)

I would sit down and have a long conversation about sex, porn, masturbation and responsibility in all those areas and addiction in all those areas as well.

Gold Member

I think this is the perfect opportunity for you two to talk. Obviously, the ice has been broken (though, in an awkward way). But having an open dialogue with your kids, pertaining to sex, is probably one of the most important (and hardest) parenting-skills you could cultivate. At 14, it will be difficult to begin now. This sort of openness is ideally started when the child is much younger, so that it is a normal progression from childhood issues, into teenage issues. But, better late than never!

Since you are from a Jehovah's Witness background, you will have to sort through your own deeply-imbedded prejudice. Once you feel able to talk to him on a level playing field, you're ready to approach. Make sure your honest with him. It really helps if you can 'confess' your own experiences. You should preface you 'discussion' by letting him know that he's experiencing normal feelings/urges of every other red blooded person.

From there, you have to go with the flow of the conversation. Don't do all the talking. Give 'silent space', so he can form thoughts and possibly open up to you.

If this doesn't work, you could write a letter to him, which he can read in private. In the letter, give your whole 'parenting discussion', just as if you were in person. Then, let him know that he never has to discuss it, if he doesn't want; but you are always there for him if he ever wants to talk or ask anything. Hopefully, he will, but he needs to feel somewhat in control.

Gold Member

Masturbation aside.....I'd like to know why you allow a 14yr old boy access to pornography on the internet??
Surely you must realise that at only 14 there's stuff on the net that could do him a lot more harm than masturbating ever would...:ugh

If you jump straight from sex being a topic that both you and him mutually pretend doesn't exist when you're in the same room, suddenly jumping to an in depth discussion on porn is probably going to be more than a bit awkward. But you would definitly be much better relationship with your son if eventually he could feel comfortable talking to you about it. Maybe find some way of starting off gradually with something reasonably safe, but still in the generally sex direction and build it up.

Personaly (as someone not too long out of the horny teenager stage) I think looking at porn while reading websites like these forums is one of the best way to learn about sexuality. And unlike porn, the stuff here is real people discussing real stuff, with a good balance of male and female, ages and people treating eachother with respect.

To start with theres none of the awkwardness since the internet gives you a bit of distance and theres a lot of open and accurate stuff discussed.

although quite how you engineer it so he ends up looking at the right kind of smut I have no idea...

i have a 14 year old son named joseph. i recently caught my son masturbating to porn on the internet. i opened the door to the computer room and he jumped then i jumped and shut the door. i had no idea how to handle it. i don't mind that much really, i'm just kind of confused. i've never had a real sex talk with him before. is it a big deal? can i let it go or should i say something to him? and what?

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I think I'd say "Sorry I opened the door on you the other day." and then go on to say that you understand that masturbation is normal but just want to tell him that porn is not a true representative of what sex is really like. Use that as a way to tell him what your beliefs are and that you don't expect him to believe as you do. Also tell him he can ask any question and you will answer the best you can. And then do it.

Id just like to ask something how many of us here were looking at porn at 14 or younger ?
how many here were masturbating at 14 and younger ?

how many had actualy had sexual intercourse at 14 or younger ?

Mind you the internet wasnt freely available when i was 14....thats about the only difference and there are things on the net even most adults would find repulsive...so free access fro a 14 year old....maybe up the security of your pc so certain places arnt able to be gotten in to...

It is a matter of personal beliefs, but I think that parents should be open with their kids about the topic of sex and reassure them that masturabation is normal. That way their fears should be calmed that masturbation is wrong or going to hurt them in some way and it helps open the channel of comminication in the later years as they transition in to the dating years.