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dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing.

You’re not.

If you and I were sitting in Starbucks and you had your fave drink and I had my Caramel Macchiato I’d look at you, and I’d tell you the truth – you’re not failing.

I know. I’m guessing, you’d wipe away the tears, and look up, and try to nod your head, but inside, inside well, you’d think that those are nice words but seriously she has no idea. You know why I know? Because I’ve sat in a coffee shop, across from a friend, a friend who looked me smack in the face and told me that I wasn’t failing and that I was doing a great job.

I wanted to tell her about the dishes from yesterday sitting on my counter. And how the pile of storybooks wasn’t read again. And that I’m a week behind in laundry. And that I got really really irritated at the mixture of 13 toys all dumped in a pile that two days ago was sorted into 13 labeled boxes. I wondered if she knew that some days, some days I get up and just go through the mom motions without even really finding much joy.

It felt like drudgery.

How could she tell me I wasn’t failing?

Somehow in the mixed up media world we’ve got these thoughts of moms being perfect. Society doesn’t give us a break. I mean read this article in the New York Times about the pressure on moms to look a certain way after they give birth. And then? Then we’re to be ultra creative, crafty, humorous, happy, chipper, up before dawn, to sleep after dark, with our sinks shined, and the laundry folded, and tomorrow’s breakfast in the crockpot, with tomorrow’s dinner – pulled from our once-a-month cooking thawing in the fridge, while we work out for 20 minutes on odd days and 40 minutes on even days, and our hair is always done, we’re makeup ready, our fridges are stocked, and the craft closet bursting with ideas for that quick perfect afternoon art project that we’ll place on our recycled wood and mod podged adorned hand painted chalkboard.

And, in reality, it’s 8am and we’re just getting up. The baby was up all night, or the toddler sick, or honestly, we were just tired. We get our coffee and flip on facebook and our stream is flooded with stuff people have already done {I always tell myself — different time zones} and we’re racing to catch up with this never before except for the last hundred years perfect never feel like you’re failing mom ideal that is exhausting.

You know what my friend told me? She told me to slow down. Slow down? How in the world when I felt like I was failing was I to slow down? I had way way way too much to do and I needed to read that parenting book to work on my attitude and and and…and. And she told me enough. And that I was a good mom.

You know, you’re not failing.

You need to start to see all you do accomplish in a day. All the smiles of encouragement, meals made, clothes changed, books read, and more. Just like I wrote yesterday – we make mistakes {ten things moms need to remember} – we just need to learn from them. We’re out of breath, racing, and exhausted, but truly not failing. Failing means stopping. Not getting up, not trying, not giving. That’s not you.

I want you to stop telling yourself you’re failing. Instead I want you to replace it with I can do this.

You can do this.

Those soundtrack words and feeling about failing are just feelings. Don’t let them define you anymore. If you hear I’m failing replace it immediately with I can do this.

If you were across the table from me that is what I would tell you.

And, of course, I’d tell you do one thing. I’m going to write and say it again and again and again. Write your list of things you want to do, need to do, and would love to do today with your family. And then, do one thing from each list. If you stumble, brush yourself off, and start again. Don’t worry that the neighbor across the street seems to be doing twenty or the pinterest pin tells you that the perfect home can be achieved in 6 Easy Steps. This is your life – and you – you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you.

529 Responses to “dear sweet mom who feels like she is failing.”

Thank you so much for writing this! As I stand in my kitchen crying and holding pajama bottoms that need to be put in the hamper it makes me feel better knowing that I am not the only mother feeling this way!!! I was away For 2 days in hopes that I would feel recharged and refreshed when I got home. I was so excited to see my beautiful 3 year old daughter who greeted me with a grumpy face and not so warm welcome. I know shes only 3, but I was so upset over this. Everything that needs to be done as I look around just fills me back up with anxiety. You do the best you can.
Gives me strength to know Im not alone. Thank you so much!

Thank you so much cause Im a single mom trying but feel like I am always failing
I get harassed everyday on my job. But I pray sometimes its so hard.
No car and taking the bus and 1 hour just to get to work dishes every where.
But reading this lets me know i am not alone .

I escaped a ten year abusive marriage in 2out of three aspects, that was almost three years ago and my son who’s autistic and myself were victims then and even though I felt I did what I could to protect him I still carry the guilt of failing him in not doing enough to shield him. We are healing slowly we are in a better place no longer victims just survivors but with my new health issues again I’m thinking I’m not giving or doing more for my boy

Your posts touch my inner being your words are like hugs knowing it’s going to be ok. I will apologize for this lengthy comment but thank you for your bravery and helping others. Besides me

Yes honestly my kitchen looks just like that picture and I am about a week behind on laundry too. I have in the past beat myself up for this, but I just do what I can and do my best. The dishes will be there, the laundry will be there, but the kids won’t be this age again. I also have a list that really helps me to do the most important things.

This is what a ton of moms feel like out there. YOU ARE ALL GREAT MOMS!!

Thank you…I really needed to read this today. I’ve been struggling with the transition to being a SAHM and our recent relocation and my type A personality constantly has me feeling that I’m not doing enough.

A beautiful sentiment indeed. Adults, not just moms, could take a cue from kids and learn to enjoy life a little more and panic less about the things they feel they are doing wrong.As my 3 year old would say “take a deep breath.”

Great post! All moms need to hear this. What if it’s not you, yourself, that’s pushing you to be a perfect mom? What if it’s your husband? He doesn’t get flustered and can truly do everything with one hand tied behind his back. His energy level is off the charts. Mine isn’t. Pressure, pressure, pressure. “Why didn’t you do this and this today? Hmm?” Been there years ago. Decided to live up to MY standards – not HIS!

Yes! Yes! This is my life. Husband can do everything and I can’t keep up. It results in a lot of arguments about my “unproductive” days. I’m now wondering if I should just go back to work since clearly I’m not a good SAHM. It’s so frustrating.

I have the same feelings husband etc…I just put in for a leave of absence at work because I felt like my children were lacking in the nurturing dept. Before I decided to goto work while my kids were young I felt like I wasn’t good enough just to be home with my kiddos if I couldn’t have my house perfect and dinner done at the same time every night with my hair and makeup done. So I found a job, that I LOVED, but after a lot of thought and consideration I decided I needed more to be with my children and messy house because they are only tiny for a tiny while. To each their own- I just felt like I knew exactly where you are coming from. Either way, like the blogger said, you are good enough but your happiness (and sanity) is important too. Best wishes in your decision.

Thanks for your comment I am struggling now about whether to go to part-time to be home with my kids more. I know the house would not be perfect and money would be tighter, but I would gain so much time with the kids. I only started this job 8 months ago and am feeling guilty about quitting so soon.

I feel like this is me right here. On days the husband is home, he’s able to clean and do everything…. sigh. I often feel like this SAHM thing isn’t for me either. Clearly he’s much better at it than I am!

Exactly! My husband has finally started seeing that it is work staying home with the kids and trying to take care of things. Just because he can get things done when he’s home (although he doesn’t usually clean the house, but if he does, he gets it done), doesn’t really prove anything. He isn’t here all the time. He isn’t trying to take care of all things I’m trying to do 24/7. I get up with the kids in the middle of the night when they’re sick. I make sure everyone eats meals. I make sure we have groceries to make those meals, I try to keep clothes washed (although I wish I was only a week behind in laundry!!), I try to keep dishes washed (although I wish I was only a day behind on that too….). I make sure bills get paid. I’m the one constantly thinking about how to make things run more smoothly even if those thoughts don’t get into action.

I’m not saying he is not a good husband. He works hard every day to provide for us and I love him for the things he does and the husband and daddy that he is. But when he comes home, he doesn’t have to think about many of the things that I am dwelling on constantly. He can come home and usually relax for awhile. I’m the one , in the evening, getting everyone dinner and then getting everyone ready for bed (which is a struggle most every night with 3 rambunctious boys)

So, what I’m saying is. You have to realize that just because he might be able to get things done when he’s home, doesn’t mean you are failing. Who’s watching the kids while he’s getting things done? Probably you are! So he’s not getting interrupted constantly like when you are trying to do things with the kids around and noone to watch them while you work on doing laundry or washing dishes or cleaning the kitchen……..

So, no, you are not failing, you just need to keep trucking along and hopefully husband will come around to seeing the things that you do for your family.

Just found your blog about a week ago, and I am so glad I did. Thank you for being such an encouragement to moms, especially this mom who feels like a constant failure. This world needs more supportive women and less catty attitude. Thank you, I needed this.

I felt like this last year doing my first year of homeschool with a 1 yr old and trying to teach my kindergartener to read and 2nd grader to subtract. And having started a church with my husband in a new city. The Lord get us through if can humble ourself to ask him for help.

Wow! We were pretty much living the same life last year…but it was a 1yr old, a 3 yr old and a 5 yr old. New city, church plant, homeschool, my year also included, renovating the upstairs of our new “old” house, and the whole family ended up with pneumonia (I ended up in the hospital). BUT GOD…(love those words) But God got us through. and this year I am more thankful for each day, especially those days without contractors or sickness.

Thank you! You have blessed me so much today. I was sitting having a pitty party, being overwhelmed with our new life…when I read your blog today. We just took in 2 foster children, ages 3 & 4…add that to our biological 2, 7, and 9 year old and that is a full house! Not to mention dad and all 3 littles have had the flu this week. I feel like I am drowning trying to accomplish everything! I can’t even keep up with the basics…cleaning, laundry, homeschool, etc… much less do fun exciting things. Thank you for reminding me to do 1 thing….not 20 right now.

Yes! I’ve been there. We do what we can and we’re only one person –literally!

My life has changed. I’m married now and ended up with a collection of auto-immune diseases and am adjusting from career mom to sahm who homeschools. My life is nothing like it used to be back when i was where you are. It’s not easier. It’s just hard in different ways.

But as a single mom with a child too young to thank me…. it was thankless. And there was no one to encourage me along the way. You have to learn to kee yourself picked up emotionally. And you learn to trust yourself.

You are a good mom. Every decision is grounded in *is this the right choice for us*

And some of them won’t be. And some of them will be but they won’t look like it.

Learn to trust you. Everything you’re doing is based on your love for your child.

Thank you. This truly did make me cry because I do feel like I’m failing. I am a mostly sahm to 6 kids. I teach swim lessons a few hours a week. I am just finishing my first year of homeschooling. And I feel completely overwhelmed. I don’t know how anyone does it all. I feel on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I have never felt so stressed out. If I get my house clean I didn’t accomplish as much as I wanted to with homeschooling. If I cover a lot in homeschooling my house is a wreck. I’m always behind on laundry. There are always dishes to be done. My chairs are sticky no matter how hard I try to keep them clean. And I never have enough time to just play with my kids. I will try to remember to do 1 thing and to not beat myself up. Thank you for the encouragement.

wow…and you still get up in the morning, you go, girl!! I’m impressed, and I for one am not too much of a slouch either. But I only have 1 kid, and she’s old enough to get into helping…which she and her dad will, because I plan to start accounting classes and will have to find a full-time job with a firm as well. The way I get things done (and by far, I don’t have as much as you do) is to sit in the morning before everyone else is up and plan my day. If I didn’t, I’d not manage keeping housekeeping clients, tree business, home, cooking, groceries, school stuff, and whatever else all straight. I have a one-month calendar always in front of me to write my schedule on, whether clients or grocery shopping or whatever…similar to an agenda, but on a regular piece of paper and you see the whole month in front of you. that way it’s very easy to reschedule something if you have to. But the biggest thing is just getting up ahead of everyone, it is the only really quiet time in the day when nobody is making demands of you and you might get one or two loads of laundry washed while you drink your morning coffee (it’s how I do my laundry).

Amanda, your strength and compassion for trying to be and do the best for your family inspires me. It matters to you, and for the rest of your children’s life they will know that their mom did everything she could to love and help them grow! I am so proud of you!! And I know your family is too. Even though you feel as though you are failing, you mean the world to those 6 kids. And I’ll bet they haven’t ever thought you have failed at anything, ever take heart friend, we are all in this together and I’ll be keeping you in my prayers. ~ Carmella, completely unorganized, house looks like a total wreck most days, mom of three

Six children? Homeschooling? And there are actually times you get your house clean? Oh Amanda – you are not only a good Mom – you are a ROCKSTAR. I’m a social worker and I work with many struggling families and I always say – sticky chairs, dirty cloths and mountains of toys piled up aside – if you LOVE your children – you have succeeed as a parent. The other stuff – they’ll never remember that – it doesn’t even matter. But they’ll remember feeling loved. Deep breaths – you are doing your best.

Amanda, Just a tiny hint from one home school mom to another, scratch that! From one mom to another “delegate” aka teach your children to clean those sticky chairs, it’s hard to do ALL the work by yourself, besides its part of your job to teach them how to do it themselves anyway, right? Maybe even make it fun, I bought colorful baby washcloths at the 99 cent store and my son loves to have a little bucket of mild soapy water or a spray bottle and he goes around cleaning whatever he sees as his finger prints and I get to dry (the hard part, ha ha!) Creative parenting makes learning and life a little easier. Hope this helps a little. <3 ((hugs))

As I Googled tonight to find out if my life was worth living anymore as a failing mother/wife, I came across this rather old post. I can find at least some peace tonight in knowing that I am not alone. In moving to a new state (in an RV FT), taking our son out of public school (to which he was doing well in) to homeschool him and failing miserably (he hates school now), to 3 yr old always sassy and overly needy, and husband that works hard for us but only to spend money I’m maturely (and I don’t really have a say anymore)….to 2 large puppies, friends and family waiting to say “I told you so”…..all while battling narcolespsy, depression, and anxiety. The reason above all for me not bowing out is my faith in God, my savior. I feel as though my family would be better off without me nagging or complaining about chores, eating, schoolwork, etc. Life for them would be fun and carefree with laid back fun dad. Thank you for your post…I can go to bed knowing I’m not alone and tomorrow is another day.

As usually, thank you for the great reminder! My children smile, a lot, they are learning a fair amount and my house is occasionally clean. I guess I’m not completely missing the boat :). It’s so true that you need to focus on what you do accomplish rather than on what you don’t!

Yet another beautiful inspiring post. My “one thing” today (inspired by reading this)? Making sugar cookies (not the roll-out and cut kind — I’m not THAT good!) with my two year old and then eating them warm from the oven in his room on cool party napkins while we read our Bible story before bed. I feel like a good mom tonight. Thanks Rachel! :o)

Every day you amaze me with your words. Every day your post pushes me to be thankful, to enjoy the here and now, to find joy with all that I have. Again, thank you for writing today and connecting with so many moms.

Thank you for this… My husband recently walked out on my 1 year old with out warning… I’ve felt so much like a failure, just trying to get through the day. But I am doing the best I can. And I really can do this… Being a single mom wasn’t in my “life plan” but it is now,

I really loved the picture of the hair pulled up in the tiny ponytail. It just says so much to me personally because it’s what my hair looked like today when guess what….I felt like a failure. Thank you for your kind words. I know so many needed to hear those words today!

Having coffee sounds like so much fun!Know that the Lord is always with you, wrapping His loving arms around you and holding on tight! Praying right now!Psalms 18:2-6 The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. I will call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies. The sorrows of death compassed me, and the floods of ungodly men made me afraid. The sorrows of hell compassed me about: the snares of death prevented me. In my distress I called upon the LORD, and cried unto my God: he heard my voice out of his temple, and my cry came before him, even into his ears.My email address

Thank you… sometimes you just need to hear someone else say it outloud. I struggle with this alot and feel like I’m ‘failing’ although I often say ‘drowning’… with 3 kids, 2 businesses and the farm… Life never seems to slow down but it’s good to know I am truly the best thing for my kids. Even if it means leaving the dishes in the sink to go jump in mud puddles, which we do every time it rains. What a great post.

Thank you for this post. I spent most of yesterday either in tears because I wasn’t “one of those mom’s” and feeling guilty, or yelling because yesterday was the day my 3 year old twins were into everything. Thank you for being real!

Oh Rachel, I was crying–like the ugly cry–to my husband last night over the same thing. He told me the very thing you told me…I can do this and take one thing at a time and just do it. So last night I wrote “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” 5 times in my notebook of school plans…and even though I am leery, I am going to just pick up one thing and do it and see where it leads. Thanks for this post! xoxo

I found your blog from this picture that was posted on Pinterest. Thank you for this post, as I wonder every day if I can do this. As a mother to a special needs child, every day is a struggle for me. I needed to read this post on your blog. I can do this. Thank you, again.

It’s like you read my prayer journal. Being new on the stay-at-home scene, I am struggling to do everything that I think I’m supposed to be doing. I look around and everyone looks like they have it together, and I feel like a complete failure in every area of my life. I need to read this post each morning to remember the truth that is in it. Thank you for speaking to my heart today. This is absolutely 100% just what I needed to hear.

Wow. My words to my husband last night were that I just feel totally incompetent these days. I laid asleep in bed last night for an hour praying for rest & strength to pick myself up. I have a 17 year old & 20 month old and often feel like I can’t keep up with the demands when so many others appear to do it flawlessly. Thank you for this post. What I needed most was, “…you are the perfect mother for those children. God knew when he blessed those kids to you.” Thank you for giving me strength. Now, to retrieve the baby from atop the kitchen counter…..

Thank you!!! I am sitting here with tears in my eyes, because pretty much every day, I feel like I’m failing. I feel like we don’t do enough, that the house is never how I want it, and I ask myself “I am really cut out to do this?” I do need to remember how much DOES get accomplished in a day…all of the giggles, all of the smiles, all of the hugs and love, all of the “I Love You’s”… all of it! There is so much beauty in every day, and it tends to get buried by the ins & outs of life. Thank you for reminding me to SLOW DOWN so that I *can* enjoy my amazing little gits from God! <3

Thank you for this! I pinned this so that I can read it over and over whenever I feel that way (which is a lot). I am a mother of two, going to nursing school and my husband is always working. I get migraines sometimes that make it so I cannot function and other times I just stretch myself to thin. I feel like no matter how much I have to do or how much the migraines hurt I should always be able to do all of the things you talked about and I feel like none of it ever gets done. But it is ok that my house is a crazy and messy sometimes, and God would have never put me in this position if he didn’t think I could handle it. You are a wonderful person and I know there are many other moms out there too who really needed to hear this from someone.

I found this blog via following a friend here. This is truly beautiful. Thank you for writing it. I will share it with others, myself. The amazing thing to me is that it’s not just applicable to mothering…it’s applicable to all jobs. We count. We make a difference in whatever we choose to perform if we’ll just stick with doing our best. Our best. Not someone else’s.

Amen! Amen! We need to tell every mom we know they are doing a great job…we hear it so rarely…I think it evades our sense of self. SO well stated. We are DOING it. And it feels & looks so upside down and “ass backwards” it is REAL life.

What a great post. Thank you so much as I really needed to hear this today. I started back to work this week and between work, my daughter, my husband, my home I feel like I am not succeeding the way I thought I would. But..in fact… I am. Thank you!!

I too had a friend who told me I was a good mom — as i cried to her in a moment of utter despair moments after i lost it and screamed at my 3 kids. Her exact words were — “You are a good mom. Don’t let the enemy tell you otherwise. Now go to your kids and say you’re sorry.” And so I did. And with our relationship restored, we prayed as one family. I’ve never forgotten her words. It made me believe in myself while gently reminding me of how to be a good mom. Those kids are now 23, 21 and 18 years old and i couldn’t be happier with my relationship now. We all need someone to tell us we ARE good moms — even when we fail. Thank you taking the time to write this for all the moms out there.

Thank you. I’m in the midst of a family crisis, in which I find it difficult to even get 3 meals on the table (let alone everything else that needs to be done), while at the same time God is telling me to move on to greater things (which seem impossible and unreasonable at the moment). This message of “slow down; you’re doing fine” is one that keeps finding its way to me, yet this is the first time I’ve really felt it sink in. Thank you, and God bless!

I just told my husband tonight that the job of a stay at home mom is to nourish and teach our babies to become good people. And if we’re doing it right then we’ll have some messes still messed and some laundry still dirty. We’ll be exhausted and sometimes cranky. But we will easily forget all that when we see our child do something we taught them, or say a kind word, or give an unprompted hug. That’s our confirmation. We’re not failing. We’re giving, and doing it right.

Thank you a million times over. I sure wish you were my “real” friend & could remind me of this often. Some days I truly feel totally defeated & the end of the day, but I need to remember to slow down. I’ll enjoy my life & day much more with my 2 wonderful little guys:)

Lovely. Thank you. I’ve been deleting a few feeds from my reader lately. Because they’re not relevant? No, they’re very relevant. Just because I can’t take everything on board. I can NOT grow all our own veg AND sew and knit all my own clothes AND upcycle my current wardrobe AND cook everything from scratch AND homeschool my kids AND….well, from this brilliant post, you know exactly what I mean. So I’m taking some pressure off.

Yesterday was one of the worst days that I’ve had in awhile and this morning, I woke up early to try and get ahead of the game, praying that today would be better. Then I found this and I read it and now I’m sobbing. After yesterday, all of this was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much for these words. Today, I can do it. And tomorrow, I will do it…

Tears… as I open up a snack size bag of potato chips for my one and a half year old because my alarm didn’t go off at 5:30 AM and at 6:45 we woke up, and woke my 2nd grader and 5th grader, made lunches and breakfasts and un-did curls and yelled to the bus driver, “She’s coming!”, and cleand poop off the puppy’s paws (at least he went outside) while the toddler broke eggs on tile and I cleaned it up while he watched Blue’s Clues for the third time today… all without coffee since I forgot to set that timer, too… and it’s only 8:15, but I’m over feeling like a failure because I have been there, so I’ll open the chips and drink my coffee and be content. But I know.

what a beautiful post, that you for the reminder whether you have babies, toddles, elementary school aged children or on up, we all need to remember that we are doing the best that we can!!! That there will be good days and bad days, hard days and easy days! Michelle Market

Reading this as my niece naps and my son crashes cars into the entertainment center and eachother. With my cup of coffee still in my PJs and my hair not even brushed yet. I thank you. From the bottom of my heart I thank you. I’m not sure how I came across this blog but I think it’s the most helpful think I’ve read. Over all the organization blogs, the house cleaning, psyco-super-crafty mom blogs this, THIS has changed my out look. I’m in tears and I have hope that maybe I’m not as screwed up as I thought. Thank you so so much!

Sitting here crying as I read that. I can’t tell you how much I needed to be encouraged this morning! I also don’t know how you got into my house and rattled off that list of “failures”… from the dishes to the laundry to the unsorted toys… I need to check my locks! But my kids are happy, fed, and loved. My husband is loved. I need to ease up on myself. I can do this.

Thank you for this!I am recently divorced and I feel like I am doing everything wrong and that I am doing nothing but hurting the beautiful little girl that I have. I am doing my best but this post has reminded me that I dont have to be perfect and that I just need to slow down and love what I have.

As a new Mom, I needed to hear that. 11 weeks in and I get so frustated that the housework is not done or I feel guilty because I am enjoying a cup of coffee instead of cleaning. I feel that I should be superwoman and make it look like its a breeze… but sometimes I just need to completely zone out and not think about anything. My head feels like its about to explode some days. And then I see my daughter smile and coo and I tend to forget everything else. Motherhood is full of ups and downs and society makes me feel like the failure while my daughter loves me no matter what.

Thank you so much… As the 20 year old mother of a bumbling bustling 2 year old little boy who sometimes forgets that I’m not the only one, thank you a hundred times over. This made my day so much better. It’s great to know that people with far more experience than I have still have stock piles of dirty laundry, dishes in the sink, and no break in sight…

Thank you so much. I’m sitting here crying because my in-laws have my kids right now to help me get my writing done and I’m suffering from writer’s block. I feel like I’m wasting time while they are away from me. BUT…then I stumbled upon this beautiful piece of writing and not only did it reaffirm my ability to write something down, it made me realize that I have accomplished a LOT today. Thank you so, so much.

I would like to take this time to tell my DIL that she is an amazing person and has done a wonderful job with the girls, and my son, and her home. Liz I love you more than you will ever know and I am so thankful for what you have done. Just to let you know I wish someone had told me this when I was a young Mom and had the same thing. All Mom’s have to go through it at some point in time and you my dear have been able to accomplish so much. I know you are overly tired and would just like to sleep. I can see it in your eyes. But you truge on. One of these days you can be that other woman (I prefer just to stay the way I am.) I’ve tried the hair in place, and the nice clothes and makeup and sometimes its just not the person. Be yourself and do what you want to do those dishes will wait. Your daughters won’t stay young long they grow up so fast. ENJOY THE TIME YOU HAVE WITH THEM WHILE THEY ARE LITTLE. One day you will look back on that time and wish you had made more time. I do now that my boys are living their own lifes. With much love your Mother in Law.

Thank you!! I’m a single mom doing it all alone and I feel like a failure so often for so many reasons! Your words brought tears to my eyes and really hit home and helped me realize I should slow down! Thank you for sharing your words! It’s nice to remember that there are other mothers out there that feel like I do

So based on the number of comments here, you have obviously struck a nerve. My love-hate relationship with Pinterest and blogs (including my own) stems from the fact that they portray perfection, and none of us is perfect. I will definitely be posting a link to this on my blog’s FB page. Thank you!~Elena`acasarella.blogspot.com

Well I may not be a mom but I am a father, and a husband. All I can say is Thank You! Thank you for your thoughts and feelings, and sharing with us, it helps me understand some of the feelings my wife is going through and perhaps allowing me to come to terms with some of my own. Parenthood offers up so many challenges and joys, so many conflicting feelings, so many self doubts. Thank you from a Father that tries his best.

My Daughter is now 28. When she was a small baby (really yesterday!) I had a small framed poem hung on the wall in her room. It simply read, “Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and baby’s don’t keep!” The days are long but the time is short…..

My Daughter is now 28. When she was a small baby (really yesterday!) I had a small framed poem hung on the wall in her room. It simply read, “Quiet down cobwebs, dust go to sleep. I’m rocking my baby and baby’s don’t keep!” The days are long but the time is short…..

I know that I am not a failure. But it so often easy to forgot what you know. Or to mistake what you feel for what is true. I am going to bookmark this to read on those days I forget that I am not a failure.

This is so true for many people out there. I figured it out rather quickly that I need to slow down and actually enjoy the little moments with my kids. The every day laughing at something that they said or the remember whens that they bring up. Days like that let me know that I’m not failing. I would rather make memories with my kids then make a big deal out of what I can’t get done today. I love my babies ♥ We are more powerful than we realize. We all can do it

I’m not failing, I’m just not living up to MY imagined behavior. I am the grandma, my babies are 4 and 6, both with totally different needs and problems. No, my house isn’t clean, there are clothes piled everywhere, the mail from last week is still on the table by the door and I have NO idea where my left sneaker is. BUT, my babies are happy, healthy and know they are loved without bounds. We have a roof over our head thanks to my darling hubby who kisses us goodbye on Sunday and hello on Friday. We have food on the table, good food, too much food, we are blessed. My babies are safe from cold, hunger, abuse and fear. I am not a failure, I am AMAZING

O.K., but when your 17 year old complains that you don’t have respect for him (he, who has done nothing to earn respect – not even his homework or chores) and therefore he doesn’t have to show respect to you, and you realize that you have completely failed to teach even the basic understanding of the word “respect” or “discipline” or “love” much less how to apply those concepts… On top of a messy house, undone chores, failing health and economic stresses how can it add up to anything except “failure?”

You still aren’t a failure. You DID teach your son those concepts, he’s choosing to ignore those lessons because he’s a 17 year old boy. I remember my own teen years, and more to the point, my brother when he was that age. My mom was a single mom and my brother was a stubborn kid with ADHD and a ridiculously high IQ. Long story short, it took a few years but all those lessons my mom loved him enough to keep repeating have hit home and he’s a great guy now.

He’s 17 challenging you and everything, he can say that to your face which means he does secretly respect you and feel safe with you. I he wouldn’t be displaying perfectly timed development and this attempt at adult discourse if you failed! This is a great sign sounds like he’s asking to be treated more like an adult.

I’m not there yet but you live you learn. He thinks he’s so grown and respectable? Let him live on his own for a while and see how the real world works. Even if that means he’s going to fall. He is only about himself and sometimes we need to broken to see how it’s not just about us anymore.

You are not a failure as a.parent. Just bc he’s 17 didn’t mean he’s stopped listening to you. I’m 22 and I’m still learning from my parents, but I had to go through a lot of I know best before I got to that point. Just know even when we act mad bc you’re telling us the truth, we’ll be mad but once we calm down it’s our choice to listen to what you’ve just said. We respond positively to structure than rather to out own devices. Trust me, I know.

I don’t know you but I love the fact that even through your struggle you still are racing for answers to your questions. You’re not a faikure bc you have not given up.

From an empty-nester, who used to look back and see all the things I could’ve/should’ve/would’ve done… if only… if only I had more time, more money, more resources, more energy… etc…etc… I just want to say Thank you. I have recently come to see that I was enough…and that I did the best I could with what I had to work with at the time. And my kids think their childhood was great!

I will forward this to my own children who now have children of their own. I always tell them that they are doing the best they can, and that they don’t have to be super-parents! Perhaps hearing somebody else say it will help.

Thank you for posting this. This is one of those things that sometimes you just need to hear from someone else. I had tears in my eyes as I read this because the past couple of weeks it seems impossible to keep up. Thank you for inspiring me today to know that I can do it.

Your tombstone is not going to read “She didn’t keep a clean house.” I think it is more important to spend time with the kids. Your kids won’t remember the dirty house or all the tasks that didn’t get done. They will remember mom as someone who was there for them and happy.

Thank you. This is just what I needed today, as I look at the mess in my kitchen, and wait for the husband who wont be home for another week and a half, tears help me realize that I am doing a good job, and its OK TO CRY!!! Thankssss mom of 3, with UC.

Thank you sooo much for posting this- in the midst of suffering severe panic attacks currently and being a mom of two girls (2 and 3.5) I find myself holding myself at an unattainable standard many days when I should just be rejoicing in the little things I can accomplish each day. I sincerely appreciate this post from the bottom of my heart!

Thank you. Today is the first day of middle school and we were woefully unprepared. Dishes, laundry, book bag, everyone knows what I mean, right? This came just as I was sitting down to beat myself up — once again. Instead, because of this I just moved forward and gave my boy a hug.

i just cried reading this…thank you so much, this was EXACTLY what i needed to see today…and i think will make it a morning ritual to read it first thing every morning…beautifully and honestly written 😀

Thank you for these words today, so timely when just a little while ago my own mother told me that I was a failure as a mother because I couldn’t keep my toddlers (2&3) from pulling off her couch pillows. Be careful of the words you say to your children because it really does become their self talk/inner voice, no matter what age your child is, those words are hard to forget.

My daughter is 24 and getting married and as a mom I did the best thing I could ever do. I watched the videos of my daughter when she was a toddler. I thought and remembered feeling soooo anxious, so inept, so scared that I wasn’t a good mom. That was my memory. Twenty years later watching the videos I saw the calm, the warmth and the beauty of being a mother. I was wrong in my feelings….and I am so shocked that my memory is so different than what was real at that time. NO I DIDN’T FAIL….and twenty years later I realized it.

I walked in from work tonight to my 3 beautiful kids and thought, I’m just so tired, I have nothing left to give. Then I felt guilty and thought, you need to find a way to have more energy, deal with stress, overcome the sleep deprivation because they deserve better. Ours days as moms are pre-dawn to way past dusk and we are oir own worst critics. Thanks for this reminder that I’m not a failure.

I can not even explain this hit me righ in the heart tenfold… Thank you I admit I am crying right now and thank you there are so many days i feel like a complete fail.. I feel like I dont do enough I feel guilty for not doing reading time enough or no enough art or skipping the park once in a while because im too tired… i then sit there moping in my head from a mother of a 3 year old to you a mother thank you … This hit home its one thing to have your loving partner in life tell you it often but to hear it from a stranger just hits ….

That was very touching. This made me cry because I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt this way deep inside and I mask it with stuff. I hide all my insecurities about my parenting by buying my daughter all the latest electronics, diamond earrings, expensive clothes things that I know she is to young yo understand but it somehow makes me feel like I’m good enough. She would trade all that crap in for a trip to the park but somehow I’m always to busy. I’m going to make the list mentioned and I am going to make more effort to enjoy her childhood with her. Thank you do much

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am feelin a bit overwhelmed, i have a 21 month old, and am 22 weeks pregs, and unfortunately have to work outside the home…it helps to read the positive…and who cares about those damn dishes!! But thanks!!

Beatiful. We are so NOT failing. We (most of us, of course) are all just struggling to do our best in this crazy world, and yes, so often we feel like failures. I felt like one two days ago when my son was diagnosed with pneumonia. As if it was my fault somehow! Amen to this post, and amen again. Thank you. I needed to be reminded.

Thanks for reminding us all! I feel very overwhelmed most days. I have a special needs child that has behavior problems, a son that is mad that his siter (special needs child) hates him, & a 3 year old who is active. It is nice to be reminded.

Those dishes will sit, the laundry unwashed, I will trip over a toy or two or three, dinner will get thrown together and at the end of the night I will slump down on the sofa exhausted as my little blessings are tucked in their beds, safe and sound and I will HAVE NOT FAILED!!!! Thank you:)

Thank you, thank you for this moving post! I am newly divorced, in the middle of a move, and trying to be SUPER MOM to my beautiful daughter! I feel like I am never good enough at what I do most days, but this post put things in perspective and made me tear up!

A friend of mine shared this link on Facebook and I am ever so thankful that I decided to click on it. It literally felt like you were writing this to me personally. I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face, but in a thankful way. Thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart. You dont know me and I dont know you, total strangers, and you have somehow completely lifted those fears from me. I feel like I can breath now. A million times…thank you.

To all you moms out there… YOU ARE NOT FAILING…. It is a hard, relentless job we have. I raised 4 children, married but a single mom. Worked 60 hours a week, lived on 4 hour of sleep. My house was clean, but lived in. If my crazy child filled house bothered those that came over, that was their issue. My children were loved, cared for, very active in school activities and extra curricular activities. They had home cooked meals, many served in the car on our way to a sporting event or school event. They had fun, unexpected meals. Like pie and ice cream for breakfast sometimes, hey, it is no different than a Pop Tart and milk. They were bathed daily, dressed in clean clothes, hair brushed and knew they were loved. Laundry piled high (both clean piles and dirty), we had a sock basket (everyone wore the same socks, same color) Yes, I was exhausted, felt like I was not the best mom. But, now that my children are grown and have their own children, I am asked “How did you do it mom”. I tell them with love, many sleepless nights,lots of tears, and the support of my other mom friends who were in the same boat. Not to be so hard on themselves, they are doing the best job they can and not to feel unworthy. I, would not change anything in those crazy days. My advice, be yourself, embrace the the wild ride. We are not “Hollywood” and be proud of it. Your children will be fine, amazing adults and will thank you…

I have read and re-read this a hundred times. Sat bawling because I just needed to hear that I could do this. God gave you a very special purpose the day you wrote this, to help mothers like me. Blessings a thousand fold to you.

I am single and yes I am a man.So I will post anonymous so you know just where I stand.I met a Mom who felt that she would always fail.No matter what she did she lost ground to no avail.I stared at her in awe as her children she would raise.She looked at me in disbelief as I would sing her praise.The laundry wasnt done, the kitchen was a mess.I always knew no matter what she would do her best.Off she went to change for a night out on the town.The ice trays were now filled the counters all scrubbed down.In she came and caught me as I swept the floor.I just smiled and said I’m trying to even the score.I know what you do and I know its really hard.Now you know why in my book your name has many stars.Lets get a movie, order out and camp out on the floor.Send the sitter home and get the kids, that means so much more.She is a rare treasure of beautimus bountiful loot.For all she does without a thought this I do salute.So if your man wont do these things have him read this post.Hopefuly and just maybe he will remember who he loves the most!For those of you who are single Moms dont express dismay.Watch out for the bleached pants filling the ice tray.

I am begging all of you mothers out there, Please Never Think You are Failing. You have done more for this world than you know.It breaks my heart to know this is happening!!!Please Please never think or feel this way again, I love you, We love you, Your kid(s) love you.Please Love Thyself! Please ?

Nicely written! And I have to say, so many of the things you list (that I have heard other moms stressing out about) I simply couldn’t care any less about (maybe I learned from example – I’m the oldest of 6 kids, and my mom did a great job of picking and choosing her battles). I’m not even sure who it was that decided that toys had to be organized a certain way and moms had to play a certain way and meals had to be prepared a certain way, but life sure would be easier if people would just let go of those expectations and be satisfied with what works for them. Sure, I’d like it if our shoes were organized nicely by the door instead of in a huge pile, but my toddler had a blast today going through all of them, so, oh well! And I didn’t get anything amazing accomplished today, or even end up with a clean house (though I DID pick up all the toys, that just made the toddler more interested in getting them back out to play with again . . . ) but I did get a few loads of laundry sorted and put away, and I had fun doing it because the toddler was “helping”. And I did sit outside and watch him figure out how to get sand out of a bucket and into an umbrella (which will mean getting the broom to sweep the patio later, but was oh so worth it for how INTO it he got!) and we had a lovely impromptu pillow/tickle fight (GOSH kids get more fun as they get older!) and that is enough for me. I got us both through the day relatively clean, fed, and happy, so I succeeded. Anything on top of that is just a bonus

Never take being a mother for granted. I went from being a stay at home mom to over 600 nights without my kids. I need Moms to come around me and support me and let the American family court system know this is a crime against humanity. parentshaveavoice.blogspot.com

What an encouragement! I’m usually a pretty optimistic person, but yesterday? Well, yesterday I felt like I couldn’t do this parenting thing. That I’m not a good mom. That I can never get it right. Thanks for the encouragement to learn from our mistakes and keep plugging away. We can do this!

Thank you. I feel frequently that I am failing because health issues prevent me from being that “perfect Mommy” who plays games and does crafts and just does so much more that I’m “supposed” to be doing with my almost-6 year old son. I can’t keep the house as clean as I would like (I’ve got 2 loads of clean laundry to fold on the dining room table as I type this) … BUT, I have a son who is loving and kind and generous and smart and cute who loves me and thinks I’m beautiful. I know I must be doing SOMETHING right, but on days like today when I’ve caught the creeping crud from his first week of school I just feel like the worst Mommy in the world. I needed this blog entry.

And you are the perfect Mommy for your children. You may not be the “Perfect Mommy – Super-mom” that society tells us we should be, but you are “enough”. You are loving enough, you are tidy enough, you are strong enough, you are beautiful enough …

thank you so much for posting this. All of us mom’s need to hear we are doing good, even when we feel we aren’t (which is more times than not). I have 2 boys (3 if you count the hubby) and a never ending list of things that need to be done. Sometimes just looking around at everything needing to be done is enough to say “screw it, I dont know where to begin, so I wont”. And that’s ok, Im learning. My family is fed, clothed and happy. Hopefully when they grow up they wont remember the house always being a mess, dishes always piled up, or clothes always needing to be washed. Hopefully they will remember that even if no one else did, their momma and daddy loved them, and that will be enough!!

From being an elementary school teacher to a first time stay at home mother of 2 young kids I have totally felt like a failure. How is it that I can handle and actually successfully teach a classroom full of young kiddos and yet I fail at home with just my 2? I have that constant feeling that I’m not doing enough for them & that my temper is ready to do. What happened to my patience? I just needed to hear this.

Thank you for putting it so eloquently. A friend posted this blog on facebook. I read it while drinking my morning cup of coffee, with my two girls running around acting crazy and I was thinking about my list of things to get done. I just sat there and cried while I read it. Thank you, truly from the bottom of my heart.

Don’t even know you. This was on my fiend’s FB. So grateful God can lead us to the words He wants to encourage us with. Thank you for your obedience to him in writing this. He used you to speak to directly to meBrandi

Just beautiful. thank you so much, as I read this sitting in bed with my newborn feeding after he was up most the night I ifeel lik I can stop the list running through my head of all the things I have to get done that I didnt do yesterday and just be in this beautiful moment with my baby.

Thank you so much, we all need to hear that sometimes. It is so easy to lose sight of thee reality of parenthood and get caught up in the insanity of media perceived “stepford” wives crap….nobody has it all together, but they sure put on a good show! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for saying all of this <3

I am not a Mom but judging from the number of comments there are a lot of frustrated Mom’s out there….near tears,struggling to keep upWith….whom…..? That perfect Mom? Remember we only can ever see apart of anyones life and though that part may look perfect and unattainableTo you it is maybe the part of your life they see which is unattainable to them……so the old axiom of never judging by someone else’s yardstick holds true.I will always be happier if you do your honest best and let the rest of the world do theres.

Thanks so much for writing that. I only found it from a friend who shared it on facebook and I sit here tears rolling down my face. I do feel so many days that I am failing. I do feel like I need to slow down. I find the days that I am grouchiest or yelling at the kids is when I am to involved in trying to get done what I “need” to get done. I don’t “need” to get anything done. I need to play with these kids. Help them learn and grow. Care for them and love them the best I can and before I know it they will be too old to need me anymore. Just sending my first off to kindergarten has been eyeopening knowing that soon I will be alone here in this house all day. What I have wished for most days will finally come true and I don’t want that as bad as I thought. As much as she drives me nuts I miss her being around. So thank you for posting this. It’s good to gain perspective from time to time so I know I am not alone.

Thank you so much for this. I have twin seven month olds and a two and a half year old. My husband is relentless in hisl questioning of what i accomplish in a day. I feel like i just try to exist day to day, get done what i can. He sends messages all day long asking what my plan is to get done all day. If i don’t then my evenings are miserable when he gets home. We went to marriage counselling and the counsellor actually told me i am failing as a parent because i don’t get my kids out every single day and not just outside but out of the yard. I know i am a good mom. My kids are happy thriving little people contrary to the state of my marriage. Thank you for reassuring me i am not failing my children, they are my world and failing them is my biggest fear in life. You have given a gift to me i cannot put into words. I know there are tough decisions i have to make now.

I had a horribly emotional, I’m a failure kinda day on Wednesday. Called my best friend in Ohio in tears (of course she was able to pull me out of it) and had a good talk with hubby Wednesday night. And, yesterday a friend posted this on FB… perfect!

I’m so glad i stumbled across this! Sometimes I think maybe we take too much on ourselves as mothers. I know I do…I work on a public job part-time, am self employeed full time, handle all of the football practices, dance classes, karate classes, homeschool my kids, constantly cook, clean, and do the laundry… every day try to be what I need to be to everybody else. This has made me realize that I am not super woman and that no one really expects me to be and that i am doing ok even if i dont get everything done in a day that needs to be done. As moms we need to take breaks, even if its just walking to check the mail and back. I need to do this myself…

This is something I’ve been struggling with a lot lately. I hear all the time from family that I’m a good mom, but to have another mom (and someone I don’t know) say the words right when I need them the most, it’s a total God thing. Thank you so very very very much for this encouragement.

Oh thank you thank you! It brought tears to my eyes. I need to hear this sometimes, b/c I feel like such a failure at this mom thing – 3 kids under 5, trying to start homeschooling, and I feel like my husband undermines me and doesn’t trust or respect my judgement or believe that I’m good at being a stay at home mom (nor do I). Thank you for this post, I so needed to hear this, even if you don’t know me personally, you know my struggle, b/c we’re all in it, whether we admit it or not

You all made the choice to have your kids just like women without children make a choice not to have kids and instead go to the workplace every day. It’s hard, I understand, but it’s your job and it’s your choice. We all have work to do.

I sit here crying so much I can barely see the screen. I still think I’m failing because I can’t help my husband through his pain killer addiction,he doesn’t want help but I don’t have the courage to go see a lawyer. I just got laid off and I can’t find a job and meanwhile he spends every penny we have. I’m all alone with no friends or family.

I think part of the problem is that, from the outside looking in, everyone else looks like they’re doing a waaaay better job than I am. Yet all the comments here prove that this is just not so.

Everyone of us does the best they can and puts a brave face on when we go out into the world so that we look to others like we ARE coping.

As a mum of three teens, two of whom are about to finish school, I have two little things to suggest.

The first is to try to do one little thing every day that makes you feel like a good mum. That can be something as small as reading a book to your toddler or blowing bubbles with your five-year-old or even just having a short one-to-one chat with your ten-year-old.

The other thing is to remember that your body’s response to on-going stress is to produce more sugar for energy to fuel the flight-or-fight reflex which is your body’s response to the perceived threat it faces. This sugar lays itself down around your liver and other organs and produces high levels of (bad) cholesterol which can lead to heart disease and other nasties. It can also cause something called adrenal insufficiency.

I’m not a doctor and I don’t want to frighten people but this is a very real problem and a huge incentive to slowing down and giving yourself a break.

Thank you! http://www.familyis.org/blogs/widow-remarried/2012/08/01/being-thankful/ It is so easy to focus on all the things we are not doing and forget what we are. TO focus on what is not perfect instead of knowing that good enough is still wonderful. We take our children’s efforts to love us and know that we feel so good when they do, and yet we can not see that even our feeble efforts are good and pleasing

Thank you for reminding me how special being a mom really is!! I just dropped off my first born at College and needed to remember all I have tried to do to help her become the amazing young woman she is today!

Tears are streaming down my face! I have felt so alone. So crazy lately! Telling my husband over and over again I am failing! That I am not mentally an emotionally strong enough for all the things in my plate. That I cant work part time and be the mom an wife I need to be! It has felt so impossible! I have been praying asking Jesus to help me. And a few minutes ago someone posted this link on my Facebook page.

My husband and I have been really struggling with our mile long list of things to do so we can move while still taking care of our family an ourselves. If all that stress wasn’t enough our one and only vehicle broke down. I am so grateful for this because we both seriously need this in our lives. We aren’t failing and we can do this. Thank you so much for this post. The only craft I’m going to do today is make a cute sign that says “You can do this” to hang on our bathroom mirror, or maybe I’ll make a couple to hang around the house.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Exactly how I feel everyday and exactly what I need to hear everyday. Thank you for bringing some joy into my day – or rather, helping me to see the joy in my everyday.

Thanks so much for this post. My cousin shared it and I have to pass it along too. I have so many friends who tell me they don’t measure up and I feel that way myself too some days. But I think you totally nailed it. We can do it!

I can’t believe how many of us there are! Truly, honestly good people that benefit from someone saying what we are all feeling! I don’t think i’ve ever read it written so perfectly accurately. The picture of the sink? I had to stare at it, the faucet, paper towels, green dish soap, countertop, window, cupboards are exactly like mine! What you added was the flowers and that made the difference. Now when I look at my sink, all I am going to see is the (invisible) beautiful flowers on the window sill. Thank you!!

I’m on the other side of toddlers now,but my teenagers make dirty dishes and I wonder will my sink ever stay clean..But guess what they still come home,there alive and well..and someday this to shall pass,just like the toddler days did..I love being a mom..Hanging out with other moms who get you is the key..better days ahead for all you out there who think your failing..this is a wonderful piece..wish I would have had this kind of access when I was a Mom of small babies…the great thing is “this to shall pass”

For me it hasn’t been a question of being a good mom, it’s the wonderment of who am I as a person when my child goes to sleep.

This whole post helps immensely as I make some changes in my life to show my son he can live his dream, be happy and have a perfect family, too.

Be strong everyone. I know a lot of parents I didn’t think could do it, they didn’t think they could but their children, at the end of the day, run to them and shout “I love you” and I know things will be better and that they are doing it.

For me it hasn’t been a question of being a good mom, it’s the wonderment of who am I as a person when my child goes to sleep.

This whole post helps immensely as I make some changes in my life to show my son he can live his dream, be happy and have a perfect family, too.

Be strong everyone. I know a lot of parents I didn’t think could do it, they didn’t think they could but their children, at the end of the day, run to them and shout “I love you” and I know things will be better and that they are doing it.

As a full time mom/accountant/chef/maid/wife and oh ya a woman in her awkward 30s who can’t remember who she is, thank you for this small hug of encouragement. some days I just want to crawl in a hole and change my name. overwhelming sometimes. thank you for reminding me no mom is perfect. as a nurse, we say if no one is hurt at the end of the day we were successful.

I needed to hear that too. Very well said! I’m a new mom with a toddler terror……and I am feeling like I’m walking a tightrope everyday. I have to go back to work from maternity leave starting next Tuesday and I absolutely do not want too. I am breastfeeding and I’m awake every two hours…this baby is Hungry. I’m so tired all I can for is pray to God to help me have the strength to get up and keep going….I felt like a failure. You just reminded me that I am human and that these feelings are probably normal. Thank you. It affected me so much I cried.

Wow! Thank you for your words of encouragement. From the amount of feedback you obviously hit the right spot. One thing a day has been my motto for a while now. Ive had 3 dehabilitating pregnancies in 3 years. I didnt just feel like a failure, I Knew I was a failure to my sensory sensitive preschooler. My husband had to learn how to take over My job on his hours off of work, and my accomplishment for every day for months was literally standing up or not having a panic attack that day. Now that I have 3 beautiful and happy children ages 2months, 2yrs, 4yrs, and one in heaven, I finally have some health back, getting over mild depression, Im making it my lifeling ministry to help and encourage young moms. I honestly had to go through a living nightmare for 3yrs to get me where I am today. I didnt cry until I read the comment abouther daughter is 24, she thought she was a failure until she watched videos of being calm and loving. I do believe that is me! I am going to print a stack of this out and give it to my mom friends. Its what we all need to hear.

This couldn’t have come at a better time, as earlier today I was reading an email from our baby-sitter on my computer at work and thinking, “Why don’t I think of these things to do with her? She probably has more fun with the sitter than me. I should be the one coming up with these wonderful ideas.” I have a sink full of dishes and a dishwasher currently running, laundry in the hamper, the washer, the dryer, and the basket waiting to be folded, birthday invitations to be filled out and mailed, and lesson plans to finish. But I also have a daughter who gave me a huge hug when I saw her after work today, ate her whole dinner, snuggled in for her bedtime bottle, and is sleeping contentedly upstairs. I can do this. I AM doing this.

This couldn’t have come at a better time, as earlier today I was reading an email from our baby-sitter on my computer at work and thinking, “Why don’t I think of these things to do with her? She probably has more fun with the sitter than me. I should be the one coming up with these wonderful ideas.” I have a sink full of dishes and a dishwasher currently running, laundry in the hamper, the washer, the dryer, and the basket waiting to be folded, birthday invitations to be filled out and mailed, and lesson plans to finish. But I also have a daughter who gave me a huge hug when I saw her after work today, ate her whole dinner, snuggled in for her bedtime bottle, and is sleeping contentedly upstairs. I can do this. I AM doing this.

Thank you soooo much for this! Found it via Pinterest. It made me nod my head, laugh, and also cry. So needed to hear that from another mom…especially with that picture of my kitchen sink…how did you get that by the way?? Thank you again!

This is so touching and so beautiful and MUCH needed. I’m the community manager over at Smart Moms and I plan to share this over there – I hope you don’t mind. Oh, and my personal blog page too….and…wherever else I can because we all need you sitting across from us with your caramel macchaito telling us we’re enough…we need a friend like you. Thank you!! Oh…almost forgot…our community on Facebook is “smartmomsonline” – we have over 30,000 members – so you may see a spike in traffic.

I can’t thank you enough for this post. Just in the last few weeks have I started feeling like such a failure as a mother and a wife. Life is hard with 2 small toddlers at home, trying to start a business, barely scraping by, and my mother in the back of my head saying “well when you all were kids I did x,y,z”. Thank you, thank you, a thousand times thank you.

Great blog and thank you so much for this. I am a mom to a 3.5 yr old and some days I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I feel like a failure many days, but then on the days when I manage to accomplish what’s on my list, I realize hey I can do this. Thank you for this and for giving moms a break.

Great blog and thank you so much for this. I am a mom to a 3.5 yr old and some days I just want to crawl under a rock and never come out. I feel like a failure many days, but then on the days when I manage to accomplish what’s on my list, I realize hey I can do this. Thank you for this and for giving moms a break.

I thank God for leading me to this page…and thank you for your words of encouragement. I felt I had fallen off the rails of the tracks over the last few days and my patience has been thin because of the “life” that surrounds me…waiting to be folded, dusted, laundered, crafted, etc. You have set me back on the right track and I cannot wait for my son to wake tomorrow to start anew! Thank you, truly, deeply, and with God’s love…THANK YOU!

After reading this (and drying my tears) I immediately copied and pasted the link to this article and texted it to all of my mommy friends. Sometimes we just need a little perspective. I got an overwhelming response of tears and gratitude from my mommys! They all needed the pick me up! Thanks for your inspiration!!!! Keep it up

This is wonderful! What’s really sad is that it rings true for so many Mamas out there… I believe that our society has many of us women fixed in this distorted perception that we have to do it all, and that we have to do it all…all by ourselves. Parenting and especially caring for and raising small children used to be something that the whole family and close knit communities did together. Every one had a part in lending a hand to parents with small, totally dependent children, because that is historically how humans lived… AND IT WORKED! Today we are all too isolated and have adopted the attitude that a Mother’s work is her work alone, and to ask for or to expect help is wrong or somehow weak… It’s time to break out of these unhealthy ways and to get back to our roots! For example – this past year I joined a circle that was formed by my Doula, which she aptly named The Womb Wellness Sister Circle. This Circle is comprised of both moms and women who are hearing the call to gather together to give and receive support from other like minded women. We meet twice a month and we also stay connected through an online group. Within this group we share our stories, our daily joys and sorrows, and most of all…we lend each other advice and help as each one of us needs it. This group of women has been such a beautiful blessing to me in my life…and I know that myself and my 6 month old daughter wouldn’t be as healthy and happy as we are right now without them! I encourage all of the Mamas who read this comment to think about starting their own Sister Circle!!

Ladies, Ladies. You are not failures. I am 61 years young and have raised two great daughters. We just do the best that we can and try to do our best as frequently as possible. It is OK to have a meltdown now and again. Really it is. I was always blessed to have such good friends to sit and talk to. It is a huge help on those bad, bad days when everything in your life is just spinning out of control. Talk to someone. And, MAKE your husband or significant other LISTEN to what you have to say. Get help. And, be patient. After all,tomorrow is another day. It will be better.

A friend sent this to me. He knows me so well. Thank you for sharing your wonderful thoughts. Now, I am going to thank him for sharing this with me. You must be an awesome person to be so thoughtful on a topic most of us moms face at one time or another.Thank you for being an inspiration!

You bring tears to my eyes. I have read and reread this, and I’ve been catching up on older posts. This is THE only blog I look forward to every day. My best friend’s birthday is this week, and the gift I am giving her is the Finding Joy link. Thank you!

I stumbled upon your blog post tonight,not even sure how. But, you put into words so many things I have been thinking lately. I’ve been sick, in bed, for the past three weeks. I’m feeling like a bad mom for not doing all the things I think I should be doing, when in reality right now I need to just keep working on getting well. Then once I’m better, I need to just be there for my girls (14 months and 3 years). They need their mom — not all the perfection I feel like I should be giving them. I actually laughed out loud reading your paragraph about what media portrays the perfect mom should be — you nailed it!!! The other day while looking at Pinterest, I ran across some cute looking “sandwiches” to make for kids’ lunches. I thought to myself, “If I had time to make all those cute {crazy} creations, I’d have time to clean my house!” I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thanks & Blessings!

Thank you. I heard those words this morning (You’re failing) when I threw a [plastic] pitcher across the room. My kids were chasing each other with it at 6am, pretending as if they were pouring water on each other. I had had enough of the chaos. My eyes weren’t even open yet. Anyway . . . Struggling here. Thanks for the encouraging words.

Thank you for such a wonderful post. I have been feeling like a “bad” mom this past week. With my eldest now off to kindergarten and me not being the one to be able to take him everyday and pick him up, I have been feeling like I am somehow causing damage to our relationship by missing out. My husband is the stay at home dad so he gets to do this as well as take care of our 2.5 year old while I work outside the home each day. I never feel like I do enough. It’s hard, but at the end of the day when my son’s wrap thier little arms around my neck and tell me they love me and that I am the best mommy in the world, that is all that matters.

This was lovely. Take it from a mom whose kids are now just-grown, one moved away to another state for the first time, the other in school and work and independent…and I am widowed to boot…even the worst of days when everything seems to go wrong will be looked back at as one of the best of days. And despite all my own messups, my kids turned out great. Perfection isn’t what makes for successfully-grown children. Love is, honesty is, and yes, even failing from time to time as those times give us the chance to show our kids hey it is okay not to be perfect.

Oh yes, thank you for the reminder. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we think should be normal, that we forget to just live and be in the moment and enjoy what is going on in our homes, all the while, turning a blind eye to the dishes in the sink. Here in my time zone, its 4pm, and I JUST made my bed!

Thank you so much I feel God handed me this blog post today. I am in the midst of PPD and suffering beyond anything I have ever dealt with. I have started medication, but it takes time when you are so low that horrible thoughts invade your mind about your children and about yourself as a woman and mother.

I am very hard on myself even without depression. A perfectionist you might say – so thank you I struggle daily to be okay with getting done what I can.

I just needed to hear this and feel this. It’s so hard to put my feelings into words sometimes. Sometimes I don’t give myself enough credit. I try so hard to do it all and sometimes its nice to know that I’m doing enough and to just breathe. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Maybe I did have a rough day yesterday… Maybe my feelings were hurt but today you moved me to tears and spoke to me. So for that I thank you!

Wow. I was just thinking – I’m JUST a mom, I haven’t been creative in so long, I should also be doing other things as well, etc etc but this verified for me just how hard it can be to be a mom! It is important.

This blog is a gift to me right now. I’ve been trying to do all of these things and at the same time being so worried about my second grade son. His teacher has nothing good to say about him thus far. We worry so much for our children and I feel like i’m failing him….to hear you say that God blessed me with him, that I was meant to be his mama, it gives me hope. Thank you so much.

Thank you so much for posting this. I am not a SAHM, but really really hope that I can be some day. My husband and I started our own business a year ago, and he is going back to school to take business classes so we can be successful. I am also in my last year of a graduate program…and we were suprised with a perfect little girl. However, I am still having to go to work every day so that we can survive. I feel like a failure every day when I leave her with the babystter, even when I rush over on my lunch breaks to cuddle her for an hour in the middle of the day, I feel like I am not doing enough. Thank you for giving me hope today.

Interesting reading. I am a nanna to 2 wonderful children 2 and 6 months. I help out where I can, life today puts so much pressure on young families and for some reason the mums expect to be super mums!!!! Age and personal losses in my life have shown me that the now is so very important forget what’s gone and what’s to do tomorrow concentrate on now. Do the basics but play and sit with your children and never be afraid to ask for some help from a family member or a good friend. Talk about your fears to your partner preferably when u get a quiet moment together. Children grow up so quickly and they need their mum and dad now so treasure these moments, who cares if the ironing etc isn’t done it will always be there just do what us can each day and don’t beat yourself up. Make time for your shower at least u will feel a bit better. It’s what’s inside u that counts and this will all pass I know I have been there.

I feel this way a lot and to snap out of it I just have to think of my cousin who is raising 5 kids ranging from 4-14 by herself because of her lying cheating husband. It makes my struggles with two boys seem quite simple. Thank you for your additional “I can do this.” Simple yet effective.

I needed to hear this today, this week, this year. I’m a full time SAHM, I run two businesses, and of course I have to keep up with the laundry/dishes/etc. I only have 1 kid, and even though he started school for the first time this fall, I feel like I’m missing something. I see all these other Mom’s that seem so endlessly patient with their kids, that never seem to get tired, and always look “perfect”. It’s hard when I see that when I’m lucky if I “remembered” to brush my hair in the morning, when I feel like I’m going to pull all my hair out (hey no more brushing!), and when I’m so tired that the idea of spending time with my husband just seems like too much “work”. Thank you so much for sitting across from me in the virtual coffee shop to tell me I’m still a good Mom.

And, to add, I think some of us need to hear that we are still good wives too! I often think that between my son, the house, and my job, my husband just gets left behind. But I have to remember that he still loves me (even when I don’t brush my hair). And he knows that I still love him. I think I’ll add another column to my list, of things to do with my husband – even if all I can manage is a random kiss or finding joy in his company, even if he is in the other room while I work.

As a stay at home mom to four year old twins amd a one year old singleton in rural Alaska, my everyday provides so many challenges… Most days I crawl into bed exhausted, feeling I have indeed failed. Failed my boys, failed my husband, failed myself, failed God. Thank you for this encouragement. This week I will cling to your words- I can do this. And I will let go just a little more of that motherhood perfection ideal I have been so desperately clinging to. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am a single mom of a two year old and a 6 month old. I’m a full time manager who is doing everything full speed, full exhaustion. I find myself thinking a lot that I am a failure because of exactly everything you’ve written. Thank you, because no one else knows how to really say what I need to hear. You are a blessing from God because I NEEDED to hear this. I needed to know I’m not a failure when I’m not getting things done like I “should”. Thank you <3

I felt like a failure today, and I really needed a friend I coud lean on, but where I live, I have no friends, just me, my husband and my son, and sometimes the husband just doesn’t get it, but you did and somehow you came up on my screen at just the right time. Thanks for this article, I need encouragement and support and today you were my shoulder and my friend.

thank you a million times for this. It’s the most reassuring thing I have ever read and it spoke right to my heart. there are so many mommies who need to hear this. I am so lucky to have found it… thank you.

Wow…I’m so sorry, I really wanted to like this, but you either need to proof read your posts, or take a grammar lesson…I mean, it was so badly written I had to re-read multiple sentences to even understand what you were trying to say. Bad writing = your material has no credibility. Sorry.

Yes. But….You don’t know me. Your post was good til you said, “learn from our mistakes”. So, if I fail one day and then ‘ learn’ and then, um, the next day FAIL AGAIN, then what? I can’t say I ‘learned’ from my mistake b/c I did it again (!) (Left the laundry in the washer too long and it smells! Yelled at my kids with a harsh tone! Was disrespectful to dh! DIDN’T do my exercises again! DIDN’T do a thing on my to do list again! DIDN’T….)And so? All I can think is , 70 x 7. I have to forgive MYSELF that many times, much less someone else. Seems easier to forgive others though. So I guess that is one good thing about failing alot. “I will therefore gladly boast of my weakness that the strength of God will show up in my life. ” 2 Cor 12 Amen.

Thanks for this. After a week of taking care of my really sick 2 and 3 year old children, while my husband was away working in Germany, I needed to hear this. Thank you!!!Cheers,Charhttp://1epicmom.com

I am one of the moms thinking that I am failing. I have an 8 yr old with adhd/odd. A 2 yr old with hearing loss and my husband works out of town 8 months out of the year. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel like I’m falling flat on my face. I’ve had thoughts of throwing all my dishes away just cuz I’m tired of.looking at them. Where I want to walk out and never look back. Leaving all the clutter and chaos behind. (I have extreme ice about cleanliness, which thru the constant support of my kids I’ve found to be impossiable to achieve). My 8 yr old tells me daily he hates me because I make him do his chores, etc. (If your kids don’t hate you for being a mom at least once your not doing it right). It’s challenging. And I so many time sit have a good cry and realize after knocking myself down to a bottomless pit of despair that I’m only one person. I can only do so much and the moms that have spotless houses and do.all the crafty things and have perfect children are actually doing a disservice to the kids. (Not everyone of them I’m sure because I’ve done everything on the lists before when I was just an aunt not a mommy, bit it can be done but by disservice I mean not spending the one on one laughter time. Just tickling, wrestling, food fight fun. Who cares what the pile of laundry looks like. They have what they need clean. Who cares how many dishes are in the sink. Who cares if there is marker or paint or whatever on the walls. At the end of the day when I lay my head down I know I let my kids be kids. Not robots in a perfect world commercial. And that I have taught them family is what’s important. To respect, love, cherrish, and keep close those who love you. I know I’m not perfect. I know I’m not supermom. But deep down that smile on their face means I’m doing something right therefore not failing.

Thank you for this! I needed it today! I came down with a head cold last night… used a million tissues before I fell asleep… was awakened by someone calling my husband at 1:00 am (he turned the ringer off and the answering machine off after the second message); baby didn’t sleep through the night like he usually does…

So I skipped my exercise this morning and slept it. I let the kids sleep late (the oldest is 5 and they’re not in school yet). I plan on sweeping the floor and doing the absolute must in the bathrooms today (it’s cleaning day). I might get my daughter, who loves mopping, to tackle the spots on the dining room floor, but I won’t try to do the whole house. I’m just going to rest, feed the baby, and hope the other two play outside as much as possible!!!

Oh my goodness…..this could be my kitchen this morning! The only difference is my babies are grown now and my homeschooling is over (although my son STILL, in the midst of a conversation, will ask “are we going to homeschool forever?” and he is 33 this month! You never stop learning, I tell him. That is life.

Now, instead of the children, I am the sole caretaker of my elderly Mom and Dad. Alzheimer’s and cardiac problems fill my reading list now. After several grueling days a week, vacuuming, mopping, scrubbing toilets and bathrooms, doing laundry and changing bed linens, organizing and re-organizing cabinets and pill boxes, making enough healthy meals to last several days, grocery shopping, shampooing hair, giving facials and foot massages, manicures and pedicures, and making sure that I leave a healthy dessert to enjoy….and whatever else comes up – like changing light bulbs, blowing off the carport, hauling out the garbage, watering the plants outside……just to mention a few. The tasks those diseases render you unable to do. And THEN….coming home to do all the things that still have to be done at my own home!

I find myself asking the same question….”am I failing?”

An avid, passionate…and LONG time DIY-er, I make everything we need….in both households….cook everything from scratch, paint, write, garden, sew, craft, play piano and keyboard, read voraciously, research, and teach, plus much more…..it can be a little overwhelming. I have most of it down to a science now…..you keep the important things …well….important. Streamline everything. Go to bed early, and keep as much stress as you can out of your life. Ditch the television (and facebook!) and go sit outside with a cup of tea and watch the chickens…or the sunset….surely you have one or the other.

Remind yourself that even if you are not perfect…..you have a desire to be that way. My two children, a boy and a girl, have grown to be awesome adults. Do I regret not spending MORE of my time with them (I had 24/7 with them for 18 years!)…..yep I do. I would like another 18 years with them as children again in my home, but that isn’t going to happen.

I did what I did. I hope it was my best, even tho most of the time I thought I could do better.

Thankfully, mine mostly remember the good things. And even tho I remember all the days with the sink piled high with unwashed dishes just as they are this morning…..they don’t. Thankfully, only the good remains.

And my parents, with their memories slipping away along with their health, are not impressed with the amount of laundry I am able to do when I’m there or the spotless kitchen I leave (although they do remark constantly about the delicious food I do for them!)……they will remember my visits over a freshly made lunch or dinner, the soothing feel of a facial or a foot massage, or the quietness of just sitting with them for a time….until they can no longer remember.

Thank you so much for this! My son & I are currently living in a shelter because we finally got the courage to.leave his mentally abusive father, everyday i apologize to.him for being here (he is 18mo) and i honestly feel like a terrible mother. i try to do the best i can with what we have but it never seems like enough. this made me feel a.little better. thank.u.

I REALLY did just feel like you were talking to me and we were sitting across from eachother at Starbucks. It brought tears to my eyes. I have needed this for a long time and thought I was alone in how I’ve felt. Thank you so much.

I REALLY did just feel like you were talking to me and we were sitting across from eachother at Starbucks. It brought tears to my eyes. I have needed this for a long time and thought I was alone in how I’ve felt. Thank you so much.

Thank you.. Moms are amazing… we just have to remember we are all in this together.. its not a competition. It’s an amazing journey made better by sharing it with other people. Lending a hand, an ear a hug.. thank you for sharing your friends amazing words… xoxo

My wife and I are new parents. She is still finishing residency in internal medicine, and I am between graduate programs (they don’t have a program I want nearby, and we can’t move until she finishes residency). As such, I am now a SAHD. I can’t believe how hard it is. Piles of laundry and dishes. I didn’t think our lives as two adults with graduate degrees would look like two stressed out slobs who barely have their shit together. I stopped making a to-do list, since it takes too much time to even make one and the things on it are never really done. Oh, and the baby is “collicky”. How fun.

Thank you, reading this changed me I am in tears right now because I have spent the last 8 years thinking that I had to be the best the fastest the most competent and now I feel like I am ok. I have one child and I know this lovely lady who is one of those people I like to call uber-moms. She has 5 kids and 1 step kid she makes her own candy her house is spotless she is always happy and never loses her temper. She is so crafty and handy with everything she made me feel miserable. Although she herself is a lovely person and I have nothing but respect for her I found myself comparing myself to her and coming up short. Thank you for letting me know I am a good mom I love my child with all my soul and would go to the ends of the earth for a blade of grass if she wanted it.

You have NO IDEA how much I needed to hear this today! NO IDEA! As I read this, tears streaming down my face, I know I am a good mom who is trying to do it all … I can do this!! I can be a college student after being a SAHM for 19 with a 20 and a 12 year old. My 12 is going to be okay.. just because when his sister was this age I probably felt like I was failing her because i was taking care of a 4 year old. THANK YOU!!!

Seriously, this made me cry. Thank you – with one crazy toddler, and a baby on the way…i often doubt myself! I often feel like im just stumbling through motherhood. And honestly its reall nice to know, other moms feel that way too! I love my children, and I CAN do this! Thank you for the reminder <3 God bless you

Really? I didn’t fail? Cause my grown son said when I took him to piano and little league and sent him to church camp and came to his band recitals that’s what I was supposed to do but somehow I didn’t give him emotional support and now he has all these problems and they are all my fault.

ugh, i found this on Pinterest months ago, i’m a first time mom to a now 6mt old. i cannot express to you how important and meaningful this post is. i’ve passed it along to my mom circle and all text or emailed me back saying how it made them cry and it was so impactful. I’ve just read it for the, probably, 10th time and have never needed to hear it more. i cannot thank you enough for the blessing of this post and will continue to read it over and over and over when i need it most.

a friend just reccommended your blog to me thanks for your heartfelt words and glorious example of perseverence dispite trials.hugs to you and yours… i am willing to bet that i will now start checking this blog on a regular basis

Thanks from a husband and father as my wife just read this and she appreciated it which means I appreciate it. No matter how many times I say that she is doing well it really needs to be heard from within and maybe that starts from this post…so thanks. Really thanks.

Thank you. I really needed to hear this especially after today where I am(was? idk yet..) at the point of throwing in the towel for homeschooling. Trying to balance homeschool, housework, kids, everything. Again, thank you.

And coming from a Mom who was in your shoes just 4-5 years ago, it changes when they all leave home. And guess what, all of a sudden you’re caught up in laundry, you cook, and have tons of leftovers, and you miss all the “stuff” that happened when it was so busy. Glad so many of you are finding ways to enjoy it through the chaos.

It’s been such a bad day and I feel like such a failure that I actually typed into my search browser “failing as a mom.” And up came your site. I sobbed as I read it and I’m sobbing now. Thank you for making me feel like I’m not alone. And all the comments that also made me feel not so alone! You’re all the best!

Thanks – this is what I needed to hear this morning. After being up with a sick baby most of the night and a 2 yo who decided to pee all over the kitchen during breakfast instead of getting up to go to the potty… This morning was not going well – but this made me think about how wonderful they are and how much I love them. Thank you for the amazing reminder. It was very needed.

As I take a few moments at the end of an exhausting day to read this, it flowed over me like a balm to soothe my ragged soul. I truly have been failing these last weeks, but now I see that I haven’t. This encouragement has come at just the right time. Thank you truly – I don’t feel so alone today at the end of telling them 15 times to get into bed

Yes! Thank you for this! We have to keep in mind what’s important. Our kids and doing things with them is the most important. Dishes can wait I am learning even though it makes me feel a little uneasy!

So utterly amazing…gives me the courage to keep trying and never give up. I’ve been having a hard time with my two boys. I love them with all my heart, but we’ve been butting heads lately and it’s taking a toll on me. I read this yesterday and went home to my kids, and treated them with kindness and respect, and was patient and attentive…we had a wonderful night. I wish I could spend more time with them, but I work full time and I’m also in nursing school. I know things will get better…thank you so much for being real, not fake, not trying to be perfect, but instead, embracing what’s human! There should be more women like you out there – thank you so much!

I understand the needs to want the house to be neat. The kids to be well behaved, functional and smart. But as a parent of kids from 22 to 13 let me tell you that your true parenting skills have yet to be taxed. I thought they had…I was you. Worried about the dishes, the reading levels. But nothing prepares you when you when you get a call from your daughter stationed across the world who tells you she has been raped. Or your son who just lost his job…and they want to know why God lets these thing happen to them…And as a parent you thought you had been tested before. In those sleepless infant nights. Those terrible twos-threes and fours. Those teen-age years through all their rebellions. And all you can hope is that you have spent enough time teaching them that God really does care, they really do have value and they are worth so much. You will never face more feelings of failure than when your child cries through pains that will not be fixed in the next 10 minutes, 10 days…maybe not even the next 10 years. But you have to keep believing that you haven’t failed them…because they need you now more than they ever have before.

Lovely post but upon reviewing all your feedback posts have noted that everyone feels the pressure. There was only one mention of a husband. Where are all these fathers/husbands? Why aren’t they helping out? Women put in full days 24/7 guys really do need to help out more, rather in a lot of cases being the instigator of that pressure. The other day I attended a networking event and the absence of women was very pronounced yet there were plenty of husbands/fathers in attendence. The mums/wives were at home looking after the domestic duties. My own son was constantly texting me throughout the event asking me one thing or another. If we were to put a financial value on something like motherhood and the jobs women do everything would be seen in a whole new light. Some food for thought.

What a life line your blog is – thank you so much! I have 4 amazing, wonderful boys but after 8 years of full time mothering, I sometimes feel like I’m losing the plot! Your words are a wonderful encouragement that I’m not alone and also to hold onto a vision for how valuable motherhood is – in all it’s mundane, everydayness!

Thanks Rachel – but how do YOU even get time to do these wonderful blogs. How could you even imagine just a little that you are failing? You are blessing others, and making lasting impacts. What a great work – and thanks again. (At least the dishes in your dirty sink picture are all colour coordinated!)

Rachel – you are a God sent! I just discovered you and your blog 4 days ago and I kid you not…you have changed me for the better. You’ve changed my outlook on being a stay at home mom. You’ve changed my outlook on just being a mom and how that is enough. I am finding joy every hour of the day and I’m so much more aware of it now. The giggles on the couch. The 10th “I love you’s” at night. The need for one more hug from mom. My life is filled with so much joy. Thank you from the bottom of this once weary mom’s heart. I feel like even though there are days I want to pull my hair out, that it’s ok. There is joy and beauty in my days and that’s all I need. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Reading this has brought me to tears. I have heard these words of truth from a dear friend of mine, and unfortunately, they went in one ear and out the other with feelings of doubt and the thought that she really didn’t understand. But reading your post made me take it to heart and believe the sweet words by letting them melt into my heart and move forward. Thank-you SO much.

But what about the frustration of living in a mess all the time, not able to find anything when needed, money wasted on eating out because meels aren’t planned or executed and debt piling up? What about the ways in which I sin against my family every day? How do I just say, “You’re okay”? It’s nice to hear these things; it’s another to actually believe them. I guess I just don’t get it.

My mom passed away on Jan 23rd somewhere between midnight and 1 am. I am still in shock, but I came across this on my facebook feed. Everything my mom tried to pound into me at my worst points. I feel almost as if she somehow directed this through friends from the other side to remind me that I am not a failure and that she never saw me as such.
It meant so much now that she isn’t here with me helping to get my son through school and keep my daughter entertained while I’m running around getting everything else done. I never felt like I did enough, nor did I have the energy or patience to do the end of the day routines she pulled off. I guess now I’ll have to try to help fill the empty spaces she left.. and as impossible as it feels right now- a day after her loss I will somehow find a way.

Thank you for this blog. Really need this right now, have been feeling like this lately. Especially with feeling exhausted a lot lately due to being pregnant with my second child and taking care of my very energetic 1 year old. I wouldn’t trade it for anything though, he helps me get through each day.

Thank you so much…I definitely needed this. My husband and I have been married a year and before we got married we decided on me being a stay at home mom. So the past year I’ve been trying and trying and trying to be everything a stay at home mom and wife do. clean, cook, read to my daughter, take care of our 5 animals, keep up with laundry, keep up with the dishes, im up at 8 am get my daughter ready for school get her fed and then on the bus, clean up the house until gotta get the husband up at 2 to go to work, clean for another 2 hours, get the kiddo off the bus cook dinner, continue with the house duties give her a bath put her to bed…..and…u guessed it clean some more before the hubby gets home….warm his food up and then go to bed around 2 or 3 in the morning….just to do it all again..

sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough or I feel like nobody appreciates what I do. which in turn makes me feel like im doing something wrong…..ive found out my daughter has learning disabilities and behavioral problems that require medication so I feel like a failure as a mother. all my husband does is sleep and go to work…hardly spends anytime with me …which makes me feel like a failure as a wife….

this def brought up my self esteem in a big way. thank you so much…and sorry my comment is so long

Really, really enjoyed this and needed it today! My house is a mess, my poor daughter has a cut on her head from a fall today, I never got out of my pjs today & honestly it has probably been a few days that I think I have gotten a shower! BUT I have been able to hug and kiss on my kids, tend to their needs and prepare food for the family to eat today. And those are accomplishments for me

Thanks so much for writing this! I am still processing the concept ing that I’m not failing. It’s hard to really believe isn’t it. I want to do better, I want the TV to be on less, I want to feel less frustrated and be more patient, but every day the ‘fail’ happens. Tomorrow’s a new day

You feel even more like a failure when they become teens. And eventually leave home. Mine don’t have time for me anymore and do not live the way they were taught. No one can break your heart like your kids.

I am now mom to a 28 year old, 24 and 21 year old–all girls. I do not know how I managed–working part time all the time, getting them to Spanish or gymnastics, leading Girl Scout troops, etc. BUT–I knew the important parts were valuing God and getting them to church, valuing fun and family times and valuing education. If you can do those things, everything else just works. My girls are smart–summa cum laude smart–and fun and spiritual and looking for the right things in life. So if the laundry isn’t folded and the dishes aren’t done, doesn’t matter all that much! Hang in there–if you love them and care for them, you are not failing.

Thank you so much. There are often times that I feel like this lately. My children are 20 and 16. So I’ve gone through this before. But today was the perfect day for the reminder. I can do this. It’s heartbreaking at times. But it’s my fave job. I needed the encouragement and I’m thankful for your post.

I wrote briefly about Being a Good Mama yesterday; mostly a reminder to myself. We all need it sometimes. Motherhood is beautiful and full of amazing moments but it’s also really, really hard.
I follow you on FB and when I saw your post, I knew it was yet another reminder for me. It’s been a hard week!

Thank you. Since my husband left me for another woman I feel like such a failure. I always thought I was a good mom. But now having to raise my son by myself, I see my 8 year old so much more reserved and quiet and only wanting to spend time by himself anymore. It breaks my heart. I regularly tell my friends that I believe in them and that they are doing a great job at whatever they are doing but I never seem to be told that from my friends. I need to start believing I am not a failure.

While I appreciate all the support for women in the trenches, in the end, society judges mothers by how the kids turn out. You can bake all the cookies and read all the bedtime stories you want, and your kid may still turn out to be not so great.

While my son’s friends are being accepted to prestigious college, now it looks like he won’t graduate. He’s doing drugs, has a dangerously violent temper, and is distressed about it all when he isn’t escaping into video games. From the time he was 8, we’ve seen every kind of counselor and doctor.

Maybe his problems are due to illness or disability (we’ve had several diagnoses) or maybe it is a character failure.

Either way, in spite of my best efforts, I’ve failed my son. Every day we try and make the best of what we have to work with, but I don’t see this going to a great place.

So thanks for the kind words abut not being a failure, but, sadly, in this case, I am a mom that is.

I have my routine everyday…..everyday……everyday. God, I hate my routine everyday. But, with 4 children (8,7,4 and 2) and a disabled husband it sometimes is the only thing that keep me sane through the trips to the dr, dentist, laundry, diapers…..should I keep going? You get it, right? I work 6 days a week at home to keep our heads above water and keep the bills paid, the kids clothed, and food on the table. I’m exhausted. There are days, I just want another hour of sleep, hell, 30 extra minutes would be nice. There will be a time in the future it will be easier I keep reminding myself. Kids don’t stay small forever. This is just a temporary thing- a long term kind of temporary, like 18 years or so. Love to chat more but the dryer just dinged…………..

Dear Rachel, God knows how much I cried once I read your words.
The past two days we had a horrible accident, I was giving my 2 years old son a bath and by a one stupid moment of me putting the shower in the shower holder which I know it’s broken but I don’t know yet it put it in the holder and it fall down on my kid head and the blood was everywhere. I was screaming and don’t know what to do, thank God my husband was at home and we went direct to ER. Thank God it wasn’t that deep and the doctor put a bandage on his head only for two days and he is fine, but I feel guilty and a failure mom that I made this happened to my son. I feel I’m not a good mom that he deserve, this feeling is killing me and something inside me telling me to go and throw that shower on my head but I’m a coward of not doing it. Sorry to write this long reply but wanted to share my feelings. Regards with love

The only problem I have with this note is that it is sounds likes moms with only 2-3 kids.Don’t get me wrong I was once there feeling very overwhelmed when it was just one then 2 then 3 then 4 but trust me 1 and 2 is nothing and some days I wonder where are all the moms with more than one and 2 kids..we have 2 arms and not enough. when you have more than that you can’t go to the swimming pool because you have to be in arms length of your kids under 8 well i have 4 so do the math…

I just cried. We hold ourselves to such an impossible, high, unachievable standard it’s a wonder we’re not all raving lunatics. Despite what our mothers, and I distinctly remember this, we cannot do it all. Expectations need to be dropped back. Take a breath. Remember to love your child, not resent them for the impossible tasks you have imposed on yourself.

Yesterday I went to the doctors for depression. I’m a mother of three boys and three new step children. I love them all. I promise. But lately I felt like I was truly failing as a mother… Homework is forgotten my step daughter who’s 15 was hating me and loving me ( a true roller coaster) and then I open up my facebook and I read this.. Thank you so much I really needed to read this.. (Gotta gotta get the twin 4 year olds about of the fridge)

We put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, which changes every instant, and then we decide to sit in shame instead of live. We should be ashamed, right? I mean, we can’t even live up to our own impossible standards.

Thank you this is exactly what I needed to hear and I feel like we just sat down and had coffee together as friends. I actually just made a list of things to do. But only wrote one thing per category. Things to do for me (finding joy) things to do for the house and things to do for my relationship with God. So today I need to clean the kitchen (house) (Done!) Make some headbands for my girls (craft for me finding joy I love to craft) (Done!) And do my devotion (done!) What a productive day I have had! Yes I still have a million and one things I want and need to do but I have done my list and that is success to me!

I cried when I read this post! Well, I should say that I was already crying when I found it in my attempt to Google my way into being a better mom. But I cried harder as I read through it. It describes perfectly how I feel – what is wrong with me that I barely have time to shower every couple of days and all of these other moms are making fruit leather and paper mâché decorations for every holiday – oh yeah, and blogging about it. I haven’t even blogged for months because I have been buried under the weight of my failures as a mom. Despite all of my efforts, my one year old still can’t hold her own bottle or cup and takes 20-30 minutes to finish each time. Solids are 30-45 minutes each meal easily. And forget about nap time. This little princess does not nap unless I’m holding her, and even that is a struggle. So as if the days aren’t challenging enough, she had begun waking every hour or two at night… And this is where I really start to feel like a failure. What is wrong with me that I have been unable to teach my child to do ANY of these things… My friends’ babies all enjoy eating, sleeping, napping. How did I screw this up so badly?

I know that I didn’t. I know that it is possible to follow all of the recommendations and still have everything go wrong. So thank you for reminding me.

i am in tears right now honestly i feel like a complete failure living with my parents who treat me and my husband like outsiders,i get so frustrated at times but try to control myself but just crack and sometimes i lash out at my baby boy,not hurt him but scream and shout,it hurts me so much afterwards cause he’s my life my everything after having suffered a miscarrige once i felt god gave him back but i am being this no good mother he doesn’t deserve,sometimes i feel my baby and husband and even this world will be better off without me.

I was bawling with tremendous guilt when I Google searched how to stop feeling guilty about the years that have flown by raising my kids. And when i read the first paragraph, a flood of tears came, so much so that it took my breath away. I haven’t been able to kick this grief over being an absent parent, spending too much time getting a clean house or being on social media or whatever. And tonight it culminated into this beast of an emotion… And i was led to your post. I cannot tell you enough how Heaven sent your words were… As if you were sitting across from me and you were my wiser ME who knows what to say but doesn’t know how. Deep down inside I know I have done the best I could but society is always working against me. Your post was a life saver tonight… I was ready to slip into that deep hole of despair that I have been in before and you saved me.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you. This brought me to tears and I simply don’t cry. I bark and I bite and I grit and bear it, but I don’t cry. You don’t know us and you took time to make us feel loved, valued, special. Why? Because you are so very special. I’m so grateful to you, I haven’t the words. Thank you.

Thank you all the way from Singapore.. your writing really warms my heart! <3

I always felt like I don't measure up when people ask about my 2 c-sec births, when I stopped breastfeeding at 9 months, when I have to work late and go home after the kids are in bed, when I have a messy home and bed linens that have not been changed for over a month.. Your encouraging posts never fail to lift me up Thank you!

I just found this today, and thank goodness i’m not the only one feeling like this. I’ve been crying for days feeling sometimes so clueless about how to handle things. I have a 3yo boy who still doesn’t talk, and i work with him and try to read as much as possible, but sometimes i feel like i’m never ever doing enough, i feel like his delays are all my fault. He has a very strong personality and is so difficult to handle those moments when he gets frustrated because he cannot communicate and i don’t understand what he wants. I feel so desperate and hopeless.
In a positive note, THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving us moms so much hope and encouragement. Kisses and Hugs

Society has an indirect shaming towards moms. We shame aging, which is a natural and beautiful thing. Media shames women into looking anything other than a model in a tv commercial. I meet a lot of moms who tend to have anxiety about measuring up to all this media garbage about having a perfect life and body. It is completely natural to have grey hair, stretch marks, be a little bit overweight but the media wants you to guilt you into dying the grey hair and buying the anti-wrinkle cream. Be a hot mom, be a young mom, be a career woman. Never do you hear about being an old mom, a wise mom, a mom whose children praise her good character. Moms used to teach their children to sew, clean, bake, play musical instruments, ect. Now it seems a mom gets creative when she puts a picture of her kid playing on an ipad on facebook. It seems very competitive over whose kid is the smartest, whose kid has the trendiest clothes, whose kid is involved in the most activities, has the best Christmas toys. But how much of that actually results in helping the child and not hurting the child in the end? Kids growing up today desperately need to see is honesty and authenticity. They need to grow up in a home that thanks the Lord for the things they have, they need to see a mother who is not superficial over imperfections, they need to see a mother who turns off the tv, sells the ipad and tells the kid to go play and use their imagination. They need to see their mother praying through difficult times and sharing the pain with others. They need to see her set boundaries and stick to it. They need to see mom content with her life even if it is tough. What example does that set for a child when we frequently act of anger or resentment, cheat, blame and yell? We expect a child to be more perfect than we are, but if we actually want that to happen we have to check ourselves first and prioritize. What really matters? Do we care if our kid makes a lot of money, gets dates in highschool, is a football star? What are we communicating to the children in just our actions and jokes we tell? We are losing kids to drugs, suicide, and seeing more single unwed teen mothers. What we are doing is not producing good results. Parents need to be intentional in teaching children how to have a relationship with Jesus, having a spirit of contentment, having a good education,demonstrating by example, teaching life skills, preparing them to leave the nest and become a good spouse and parent someday, teach them how to respect God, their elders, peers and mother and father. The generation growing up right now has a problem with respect for themselves and others, extremely co-dependant, not finishing highschool or college, are entitled and demanding and lack majorly in critical thinking skills. This is a generation where poverty is not the cause of this because even the majority of families living in poverty have tv and tablets the kids play on. It is more of an issue of the family structure of husband and wife and their roles in parenting. If Satan can distract the mother with feelings on inadequacy and the father with pornography or alcohol he will continue to keep her focused on the rat race and him focused on self indulgences and both will demonstrate a lack of godliness and wisdom to their child. Society does not appreciate healthy parenting and shames it in many cases because it goes outside of the norm. We have to learn to turn off the media and get out the word of God in our homes and let the Bible give us wisdom and truth about our value.

Hi Rachel thanks for this article. It feels better to know that i’m not alone. I got a little frustated because a friend of mine just judged me and makes me feel like i’m not doing enough.
Thanks for the encouragement 😊

Thanks for this words. As I lie here in bed with tears in my eyes, staring at my the beautiful faces of my chidren fast asleep, I feel like a horrible mom. I couldn’t give them 5 minutes to play with them, hand them over my phone so they could watch Youtube, all so I could catch up on cleaning that I never get done. I have been feeling guilty every night for as long as I can remember. My oldest is 12 and my littles ones are 8 and 2. They are very good children but I feel like I am not good enough. Like I dont give them the time they deserve because I work and cone home tired and all I do is clean. They aren’t enrolled in any Summer camps or extracurricular activities because no one can take them. I feel really guilty. They have more than I ever did, but I still feel inadequate.

Thank you about the part about “failing is really quitting.” We as moms instinctively are not quitters. We are doing everything and anything for our kids, our husbands, our communities. The greatest part of parenting is that I get a new day tomorrow to start fresh. I can tell my kids I made a mistake and ask them to forgive me. This is one of the highest forms of grace that is given to us–and it is from God. We love, because God first loved us.

WONDERFUL! feel like this is my life everyday! Im so exhausted from working and being pregnant I feel like im failing! my husband has basically taken over what I used to do 100% of the time — laundry, dishes, supper (sometimes) and he complains all the time how I don’t do a single thing, and never gives me credit when I do those things. but if he does them he brags and complains as though HE SHOULDNT HAVE to do them its my job.

It was 2 A.M. and I just felt like a failure to my children and myself. I homeschool two and one is in high school. I feel like I’m not doing enough for my kids. I took my oldest to have a physical today and the doctor kept repeating that my oldest needs to get involved in school. Throughout the whole visit all I kept hearing was the doctor say, “You need to get involved. You need to be involved.” Just because my oldest doesn’t play an organized sport at the moment doesn’t mean he isn’t ‘involved’. The thoughts just overran the rest of my thinking and made me think that my two that are homeschooled aren’t involved enough. Then it all spiraled downward. I just can’t stop crying and feeling overwhelmed and feeling as though I failed my kids. Failed myself.

Like so many others have said- Thank you. Just what I needed to hear. I would have prefered hearing it over a coffee in Starbucks from a friend, of course, but hearing it like this bakes it easier to take in. And I can re-read it over and over again when I need to, when I forget and feel like a crap mum once again just because I shout at my kids for shouting, or get annoyed because my 6 year old just can´t sit still or my 2 year old spills her chocolate milk all over herself, or whatever else might happen. There is always something. So I will re-read this post as often as need be, maybe every day to start with, and just take a day at the time.
I will change “Im´failing” for “I can do this” and step by step I hope it will get better and not so tiring.

Thank you again for just putting words to something, obviously so many of us need to hear.

I have failed between homeschooling my 6 year old dealing with my now 9 month old, I tried but the house was always a mess I tried to always do the dishes, but that’s not that big of an accomplishment, I was stressed, my husband was hardly ever home, anyhow know I failed as he has left me because our house was never clean, I failed

Brittany, I am so sorry. When they are little it’s so hard to keep everything clean – especially with new little ones. What you did was an accomplishment and not failing – but well done. Let me be the one to tell you how much i appreciate you.

This to all you beautiful Mom’s and Mom’s to be. There thing’s that just happen. Don’t let get you down are bet yourself up over it. The world i should say the people in it. Is not making any easier for you mom’s. You all have a hard a nuff time just being a mom. My hat if i wore one goes of to you. God bless you all.Please don’t ever give up on your self’s. There is nought thing more beautiful then a ” MOM ”

Thanks for this read, it was very helpful. I have had days like these and wish I know I’m not alone. I need to remember to slow down and make sure that it’s ok if everything in life isn’t perfect or 100% taken care of all the time.