My two year old girl has turned into a screaming, crying, monster.. What can I do?

Tara - posted on 02/03/2011
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My daughter is very sweet, when she wants to be, but lately she's been having some problems.. She is 1 of three kids, # 2 to be precise.. Her and my youngest are 18 months apart. She seemed to adjust well with the new baby, until recently.. My baby is 7 months old now, and she is starting to get jealous. She will cry all day, and scream. I cant figure out what to do for her.. She does not want the baby to touch anything of hers, or look at her when she goes into these temper tantrums.. She is starting to get very selfish even with her friends, and big brother.. She stopped potty training she's waking up at night again, she just seems so unhappy.. Most of the day she is screaming, and crying.. I'm completely at a loss and I'm so sad that she is so upset.. I try to comfort her, but she wont allow it... My first child who is 5.5 never had this issue, so I'm desperate for help....

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Kimi - posted on 02/03/2011

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I was once a nanny for an infant boy and 2 year old girl. The first few days I worked there were very rough and the 2 year old seemed like she was always crying and screaming over something. I knew it was because she was upset about the baby but I didn't know what to do about it so I asked my mom for advice on the matter. She told me that the best thing to do is always make it clear to the toddler when I'm putting her needs first.

Examples...

The baby starts fussing. I know it's time to feed him again but I also know this will mean the 2 year old will become upset that I'm feeding the baby and not her. So, I say to the 2 year old, "brother's hungry but I want to make sure you get something to eat before I start feeding him" and then I quickly get her settled with her lunch/snack so I can take care of the baby.

The baby just pooed himself and it's going to be a long clean up. I know that as soon as I start changing him the 2 year old will insist that I take her to the potty right away. So, I say to the 2 year old, "brother did a potty, do you need to go potty before I change him?" and then I take her to the potty first.

Little things like this really helped her to feel better about herself and her brother. It was a lot easier to take care of the baby's needs if she was quickly assessed for her needs first. After a just one day of me doing this the 2 year old never had a problem with her brother(while I was there anyway). I wouldn't always, put her needs first but I would always make sure she knew it whenever I did.

I was actually told by my babys dr to let daddy have time with the baby and you make time for your little girl (in this case) that way they feel they have their own one on one time with mama.... Since she is a girl, their feelings get hurt so easily its crazy, i have a 6 and a half year old boy and now an 11 month old girl, and things are so different with them, she gets her heart hurt over the littlest things, like when she broke a bracelet i was wearing, one of the cheap beaded ones you can by for a quarter, and it was as if her world had crashed... it didnt bother me that the bracelet was broke but it tore her up... so it could have alot to do with her being a drama mama lol, no offense, us girls just tend to be ;)The dr told me that i should try giving him at least an hour a day, to go to the park, or go for a walk or do something just me and him so he remembers what its like to be mamas little bundle of joy, being a mom you get so caught up in whats needed right here right now.. we forget where time goes and before we know it we are trying to get the little ones to sleep so we can breathe. I think my son has become more outgoing, more open now that he understands that just cause the baby needs me all the time, doesnt mean that im not here for him when he needs. Also, i've let my son take part in alot we do for the baby, so he feels its his baby too, that way he doesnt feel left out all the time because he is participating. I know shes young, but does she try to mama your new baby at all?she is in the terrible twos also so dont be so hard on yourself, hopefully she will come around, good luck.