The true story of how a family was made through hard work, patience and lots and lots of paperwork!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Tazzy gets cross!

I haven't blogged for a long time. Mainly because life seems to have gotten in the way, and we've been busy with Easter holidays, house renovations and the general chaos that is my life, but also because nothing has moved me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard as the case may be!). Until this.

The story of a Russian boy who was adopted by an American woman and then returned alone to Russia because his new mother basically changed her mind. My blood is boiling about this!! If I could get this woman alone, I don't think I could hold myself back. How dare she??? What was going on in her mind that made this course of action even remotely ok?

First of all, Artyom is 7. Not 7 months, or 7 weeks, but 7 years old. He has been removed form the care of his biological (allegedly alcoholic) mother, and placed in an orphanage. Two years later he is adopted by this woman, flown halfway across the world to live with strangers, in a country where everyone and everything is unfamiliar to him. Did it not occur to Ms Hansen before she adopted him that a child of this age may have a few "issues", that bonding and attachment would not happen over night, or even that he might be scared and overwhelmed?

Allegedly, Artyom displayed some worrying behaviours. If that is the case, surely sending him back to Russia ALONE, is a little extreme. One wonders what this woman would do if he had been her biological child? There is no return window in the parenthood shop! You get what you're given and you love your child unconditionally. If you run into problems along the way, you do your best to fix things, and use all the resources you can to help your child grow into a happy, stable, loving person. End of!

Adoptive families spend lots of time and energy reassuring our children that we are their "forever family", that we love them unconditionally and that we will never abandon them. So when a story like this breaks, we are concerned that our children will worry about it or that someone in the playground will tell them that their mummy can send them back anytime she wants. Ms Hansen has not just damaged Artyom, she has also caused heartbreak for hundreds of other families waiting to adopt children form Russia (all adoptions to America have been suspended), hundreds of children now have to wait longer in orphanages, while their forever families sit in empty bedrooms, and thousands of adopted children are questioning their place in their family. Shame on her.

I'm horrified that she was allowed to do this, or that at least attempts should have been made to place the poor child with a family who wanted him unconditionally.I can't even comprehend how someone could be so callous.Excellent post Taz XXX

Its unbelieveable that someone would do this to any child Stupid woman.. what the hell is wrong with her I read that she's single and 27 Obviously she somehow thought adoption worked on a 'return if not satisfied policy' It makes me wonder about the vetting procedure in the states I am so mad about it That poor little boy my heart goes out to him

What was this woman thinking? While I wouldn't be impressed about her changing her mind it's the way she did it that shows very poor judgement. I hope this little boy gets help, he must be very traumatised, sigh. Jen.

you are more qualified than anyone to comment on this Taz.I don't get that the child was "too much" for this lone parent. If you have the emotional and financial resources to undergo adoption - you should be able to step up and get the help your child needs when they need it. Case Example: YOU!!!!!!!

And shame on the adoption agency, the social services in her district, the airline and the immigration people.

This has left me reeling too. I have to wonder what she was thinking in the first place adopting an older child who has been badly traumatised and affected by his treatment in the orphanage, especially as she is a lone parent. I imagine the pre adoption education was sorely lacking, and she probably got through the system in a matter of months.

I can't believe that she didn't give it more time, and I can only imagine that she herself is unwell, or suffereing from depression? I think the state that she lives in has very little resources for this kind of thing and is very very expensive. From what I have read it appears as though Artyom was exhibiting very worrying behaviour and she likely panicked? But sending him back to Russia alone, with a note is inhumane, and she should probably be charged with neglect.

I think the agencies in America are very good on the spiel pre adoption, but you don't see them for dust when you get home bar the PPR's. I know there are agencies who look for families to adopt troubled children, but reading between the lines I think this all came to a head quickly and she seemed scared. The grandmother was instrumental in organising it, and maybe she has an old school mentality, and made the decision. However, the way it was handled was shocking, and exactly what we don't want our children to ever hear about, or the general public for that matter.

I hope that his future will be bright, and maybe, just maybe, things will work out better for him from now on in.

As for the agency and social services in tennessee, you would have to wonder. Mind you look at what we have here! The pre adoption preparation is so tough, you are told all the possible scenarios etc, which is good, and the fact it takes so long means it is not for the faint hearted. But once you are home with your child you are pretty much left to get on with it!

I pray for this little boy, and for all the other kids in Russia who are waiting for a chance to grow up within a family x

Thanks for the comments!@meadow - i think Artyom has been let down at every turn - not just by his adoptive mother, but also by the system that approved her to adopt him in the first place, and as hammie pointed out, the airline and immigration officials that allowed a 7 year old boy to travel alone without any question. It's such a sad story.

Dearest Taz,, when this story broke I thought of one person...you! Remembering your stories of adoption, and what you and mr taz went through, how much I admired ye...Horrified with the details of this young boys treatment. Thank you for posting xxxx

There are no words strong enough to express my disgust at the way this little boy was treated. Shame on those that allowed this to happen and hope we don't have to read a story like this again. Parenthood isn't easy but when you commit to it, you commit for life xxx

I remember watchig a documentary couple of years ago - an American couple adopted a Russian child with cleft palate "to improve his life". To spare you the details, the child was killed, the man convicted to life, the woman to many years for helping him cover up. It still makes me sick when I remember it. One wonders how they vet adoptive parents in the States. It seems, when a child is older or has a disability, anyone will do

It is absolutely appalling and the worse thing, in my opinion, is the sending home on a flight ALONE..... at age 7. Heartbreaking.

I also thought of the Irish guy and American wife who sent their adopted child back after a few months. That was awful too. An Irish journalist picked up and followed the story. She found the Birth mother and at the end of the documentary the gorgeous child had been reunited with her! I hope it remains so today and that he has a happy and stable life.