2. Fully HALF of all children
who grow up in bread-consuming households
score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when
virtually all bread was baked in the home,
the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant
mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women
died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid,
yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent
crimes are committed within 24
hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to
be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread
and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little
as two days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway"
food item, leading the user to "harder"
items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold
cuts.

7. Bread has been proven to
absorb water. Since the human body is more
than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could
lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive
food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding
person.

8. Newborn babies can choke
on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures
as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one
minute.

10. Most American bread eaters
are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless
statistical babbling.

A stats major was completely
hung over the day of his final exam. It was a True/False
test, so he decided to flip a coin for the answers.
The stats professor watched the student the entire two hours
as he was flipping the coin... writing the answer...flipping
the coin...writing the answer. At the end of the two hours,
everyone else had left the final except for the one student.
The professor walks up to his desk and interrupts the
student, saying:

"Listen, I have seen that you
did not study for this statisticts test, you didn't
even open the exam. If you are just flipping a coin for your
answer, what is taking you so long?

The student replies bitterly
(as he is still flipping the coin): "Shhh! I am checking
my answers!"

You can see Frank and Ernie's
Sunday cartoon on Economists by clicking 'HERE'...TopSubj: Marrying
A Statistician (DU)

"You haven't told me yet," said
Lady Nuttal, "what it is your fiance does for a living."

"He's a statistician," replied
Lamia, with an annoying sense of being on the defensive.

Lady Nuttal was obviously taken
aback. It had not occurred to her that statisticians entered
into normal social relationships. The species,
she would have surmised, was perpetuated in some collateral
manner, like mules.

"I don't doubt it," said her
aunt, who obviously doubted it very much. "To express
anything important in mere figures is so plainly impossible
that there must be endless scope for well-paid
advice on the how to do it. But don't you think that life
with a statistician would be rather, shall we say, humdrum?"
Lamia was silent. She felt reluctant to discuss the
surprising depth of emotional possibility which she had discovered
below Edward's numerical veneer.

"It's not the figures themselves,"
she said finally. "It's what you do with them that matters."
(K.A.C. Manderville, The undoing of Lamia Gurdleneck)

A famous statistician would never
travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and
estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given
flight was 1 in a million, and he was not prepared to accept
these odds.

One day a colleague met him at
a conference far from home. "How did you get here, by train?"

"No, I flew"

"What about your the possibiltiy
of a bomb?"

Well, I began thinking that if
the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of
TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000). This is
a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So,
now I bring my own bomb along!"

You can view this cute Frank
and Ernest cartoon by clicking 'HERE'...TopSubj: Statistics
Quotes (DU)

Statistics means never having
to say you're certain.

In earlier times, they had no
statistics, and so they had to fall back
on lies.

Statistics is the art of never
having to say you're wrong. Variance is what any two staticticians
are at.

(Not that I particularly dislike
statisticians... I hate all mathematicians!!)
[sorry mum!]

97.3% of all statistics are made
up.

From: joeshmoe Smoking is a leading cause of
statistics.

I could prove God statistically.

43% of all statistics are worthless.

"There are lies, damned lies,
and statistics." -Mark Twain

A statistician is a person who
draws a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted
asumption to a foregone conclusion.

A statistician can have his head
in an oven and his feet in ice, and he will say
that on the average he feels fine.

(Excerpted from "Quotes, Damned
Quotes" by John Bibby) If there is a 50-50 chance that
something can go wrong, then nine times out of ten it
will. (Paul Harvey News, 1979)

"I gather, young man, that you
wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first
lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about
the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof
that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than
when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is
a political statistic." -- Winston Churchill

From: goble You know how dumb the average
guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are
even dumber than that. -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs

Statisticians probably do it Algebraists do it in groups. -- Al Sethuraman, Calma
Company, San Diego

TopSubj: Teaching
Statistic (S221)
From: TAdams on 4/23/2001 Here's an eye-opener: Classroom
teachers make up only 52 percent of the public education
work force in the United States and 12 states have more
non-teachers than teachers, according to the Education Intelligence
Agency.

The 30-page report, "Tribute
for a Light: Public Education Spending and Staffing," compiles
the latest education information from the Education
Department, the Census Bureau, the National Education
Association and the American Federation of Teachers.

Did you know that the great majority
of people have more than the average number of legs?
[It's obvious really; amongst the 57 million people
in Britain there are probably 5,000 people who have
only got one leg. Therefore the average number
of legs is (5000 * 1) + (56,995,000 * 2) -----------------------------
= 1.9999123......
57,000,000 Since most people have 2 legs.......

Statisticians do it continuously
but discretely. Statisticians do it when it
counts. Statisticians do it with 95%
confidence. Statisticians do it with large
numbers. Statisticians do it with only
a 5% chance of being rejected. Statisticians do it with two-tail
T tests. Statisticians do it. After
all, it's only normal. Statisticians probably do it.

From: rgep Probabilists do it on random
walks. Probabilists do it stochastically. Statisticians do all the standard
deviations.

"Give us a copper Guv" said the
beggar to the Treasury statistician, when he waylaid
him in Parliament square. "I haven't eaten for three days." "Ah," said the statistician,
"and how does that compare with the same period last year?"
-- Russell Lewis

A topologist is a man who doesn't
know the difference between a
coffee cup and a doughnut. A statistician can have his
head in an oven and his feet in ice, and
he will say that on the average he feels fine.

It's like the tale of the roadside
merchant who was asked to explain how he could sell
rabbit sandwiches so cheap. "Well" he explained, "I have
to put some horse-meat in too. But I mix them 50:50.
One horse, one rabbit."

Did you hear the one about the
statistician? Probably....

97.3% of all statistics are made
up. 42.7 percent of all statistics
are made up on the spot.

3 out of 4 Americans make up
75% of the population.

Death is 99 per cent fatal to
laboratory rats.

Did you hear about the Statistician
that couldn't get laid? He decided a simulation was
good enough.

"She was only the statistician's
daughter, but she knew all the standard
deviations."

All probabilities are 50% ...
either something happens, or it doesn't!

From: ossama on 98-05-12 Statistics show that America
has the highest rate of deaths from firearms.
This proves that guns don't kill people, keeping statistics.

From: igiggle on 4/26/2003 (S326b) Economists have forecast nine
out of the last five recessions.

From: kgilmour2000 on 3/13/2012 (S792) Two economists were sitting
at a nudist colony. The one said, "Have you read
Marx?" The other says, "It's these
wicker chairs."

Q: What is the definition of
a statistician? A: Someone who doesn't have
the personality to be an accountant.

Q: How many statisticians does
it take to change a lightbulb ? A: One -- plus or minus three
(small sample size).

From: dogbyte on 3/27/2002 (S269c) Q: What do accountants do when
they get constipated? A: They work it out with a pencil.