Monday, September 17, 2007

Left: Beware the terrierists!
Yessiree, our brave soldiers at Guantanamo Bay making sure them thare terrierists don't attack America have headed off yet ANOTHER threat to America: Underwear of Mass Destruction. Somebody, SOMEBODY I say, is smuggling UNAUTHORIZED UNDERWEAR to some of the darkies out there!

The administrators at Guantanamo Bay, knowing the real enemy of America -- those dastardly lawyer folks who insist that everybody, everybody regardless of skin color has certain rights guaranteed by our Constitution (how unpatriotic of them!) -- have of course accused the obvious suspects of providing these dastardly Undergarments of Mass Destruction, and issued a stern warning about the severity of such an action. Why, if lawyers give underwear to our clients, the ENTIRE PRISON COULD DISSOLVE INTO RUIN! And then all those dastardly terrierists, armed with their fresh undies, could swim across the Gulf of Mexico from Cuba to Florida with those undies clenched in their Allah-worshippin' teeth, sneak into our bedrooms at night, and STRANGLE US ALL WITH THOSE UNDIES! But the lawyers, being dastardly worshippers of that un-American "Constitution" document, react with ill-considered laughter, pointing out that underwear is not, in general, a function that lawyers provide to their clients.

But don't worry, I'm sure the brave men and women defending our freedoms at Guantanamo will shortly put those un-American worshippers of that "Constitution" thingy into their own jail cells side by side with their so-called "clients"! Yessiree, let's all raise a salute to the brave prison administrators at Guantanamo Bay. They're keeping us safer and defending our freedoms one pair of speedos and one lawyer at a time. God Bless America! U S A! U S A! U S A!

Well, in fairness, if underwear can be smuggled in, so can more dangerous items, such as, say, copies of the Constitution (OMG! RUN! IT'S THE BILL OF RIGHTS WANTING TO *KILL US ALL*!!!!). But accusing the lawyers of doing the smuggling was just plain stupid. If you don't have conclusive proof that the lawyers are up to no good, it is better to keep silent and be thought stupid, than open your mouth and prove it.

Lurch, while there are Republican terrierists, I think this one is not, due to the long hair. Everybody knows that those long-haired hippy terrierists are all, like, trying to kills us all and stuff with their mighty terrierist weapons like the Underwear of Mass Destruction and their chants of "Impeach Cheney and Bush" that, like, strike down our brave men and women in Iraq left and right with their MEAN WORDS OF MASS DESTRUCTION ("OMG! Move-On killed Kenny with their mean words about General Petraeus! They HURT HIS FEELINGS! MEDIC!"). If it was a Republican terrierist, it would have short hair and be humping another Republican terrierist while wearing a diaper or somethin' like that.

Accusing the lawyers is the smart thing to do. Because the lawyers are smuggling undies to the prisoners, no telling what they might smuggle next. It could be a usable tool to stop lawyers visiting their clients...

It's a pretty crappy thing to do, but do they care? I doubt that very much!

The problem, OWL, is that they were too blatant and obvious. It's like Saddam Hussein announcing that he was re-elected as President of Iraq with 99% of the vote. People expect the morons running Gitmo to come up with some ridiculous excuse to keep lawyers out, so just roll their eyes and say "Yeah right" unless there is some evidence that the lawyers actually did smuggle undies (and even then, it'd have to be really good evidence).

In short, accusing the lawyers of smuggling undies was just plain stupid.

Thanks for clarifying that, BT. I was confused by the fact that the terrierist had a multi-colored coat there, which looked like a cheap dye job gone bad. Plus there was that red ribbon, which distracted me. Maybe you can see why I instinctively figured that was a Republican.

You could probably hide Constitution and the entire Federalist Papers under all that hair.

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