A French teacher was explaining to her class that in French, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine. "House"
for instance, is feminine "la maison." "Pencil", however, is masculine "le crayon."

A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether "computer" should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for their recommendation.

The men's group decided that "computer" should definitely be of the feminine gender ("la computer"), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ("le computer"), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on
2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

Dan Rather had to take a redeye flight to Florida for the upcoming election coverage...upon getting to his seat he finds a young boy(Johnny) setting reading a book. Rather sets down and immediately asks the kid...look kid..this is going to be a long flight..and im not tired..would you like to bs a bit..ive heard if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger...the flights go a bit faster. Well, Johnny closes his book..looks at Rather and says..."What would you like to discuss?"..To which Mr Rather replies..."Oh...I dont know, How about politics..should we keep George Bush as president in this election..or should we nominate John Kerry, a fine upstanding citizen and a patriot we can count on?"

"Well"...Johnny says..."That does sound interesting...do you mind if I ask you a question first?"

Not at all says Rather..

"OK..A Horse, a cow and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff basically. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while the cow turns out flat patties, and the horse dumps clumps of dried grass..now why do you think that is?"

"Jeez"...said Rather.." I havent a clue"

"Well then said Johnny..how is it you feel qualified to discuss who should run this country when you dont know sh1t?"

Just an old sheepdog waiting for some nasty wolves to show...ive got more than enough teeth left.

Welcome to back door modding...which rule am I breaking exactly? It's not profane or pornographic.

Kevin wrote:8.) Remember that this is a family site and try to post accordingly. Porn links/images are not acceptable and in the memorable words of Justice Stewart, "I know it when I see it." Also, please refrain from using profanity on the site. This is a public place with readers of all ages, so act appropriately. Posts with profanity will be modified or moderated.

one day a couple was walking down the road...
after couple of minutes, the guy couldn't stop farting
in order to fart without his girl friend noticing him,
he started to sing while farting...
"ur toxic....(brittney spears...) lalala...
then after he finished farting,
the guy asked his girl friend,
"how was my song??"
the girl replied back...
"can you sing it again? I couldn't hear it because of ur fart"

This is one of my all time favourites, i haven't read through this whole thread so i don't know if this has been posted...

Two men are on a plane to Pitsburgh. They both notice they have black eyes.

Guy 1:How'd you get your black eye?

Guy 2:It was a tongue twister, I was walking to the counter to get my ticket and this woman with MASSIVE breasts was there. So instead of saying 'I'd like a ticket to Pitsburgh' I said 'I'd like a picket to Titsburgh' so she socked me.

Guy 1:What a coincidence... mine was a tongue twister too. I was at the table getting ready to ask my wife for a bowl of Frosties but I accidentaly said 'You ruined my life you **** bitch!".

Dave works hard at the plant, puts in a lot of overtime, and then spends most evenings bowling, playing basketball, or working out at the gym. His wife, Mary, thinks he is pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Dave, how ya doing?"

Mary is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. "Oh no," says Dave. "He works out at the gym with me."

When they are seated, a waitress asks Dave if he'd like his usual Budweiser. Mary is now becoming uncomfortable and says, "You must come here a lot for that woman to know you drink Budweiser."

"No, honey, she's in the Ladies Bowling League. We share lanes with them."

A stripper comes over to their table and throws her arms around Dave. "Hi Davey," she says. "Want your usual table dance?"

Mary, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Dave follows and spots his wife getting into a cab. Before Mary can slam the door, Dave jumps in beside her. Right away she starts screaming at him.

The cabbie turns his head and says, "Looks like you picked up a real bitch tonight, Dave."

Duly yoinked from a Billy Connolly DVD i watched last night. Guess I should put the disclaimer here then.

Disclaimer: This is a Billy Connolly joke. Those of a higher order of monks will probably be offended.

So a guy starts work at a Glasgow sewage works company, starts figuring out how to assign all the holiday pay. He notes that one guy has never taken a holiday. He starts asking around about it. "Oh, that's Hamish, he loves his job, never takes a holiday."

The new guy is confused. "How can someone love such an awful job?"

"Come with us, you'll see him. Loves his job so he does."

So he goes down to the sewers to find this guy. Rats running everywhere, but in the distance he hears a guy singing a tune to himself. "Aye, that's Hamish alright" they tell him.

So they go up to meet him, and the new guy asks him some questions about his job.

"So, how comes you enjoy this job so much?"
"I just think it's so interesting. You see that wee jobbie there that's just got there, that's the butchers that is. You can still see bits of undigested meat."
"Wow, that's kinda interesting I guess."
"Aye, you see that one over there, that ones from the sweet shop man up the road. Still bits of smarties in it and all that."
"Y'know, I never knew this job could be that interesting."

"Aye, and that one there, you see it? That's one of me wives."
"How'd you know that one eh?"