Jennifer Lopez: Why She's Not Giving Up the Spotlight for the Sandbox

Singer, actress, style icon, wife, and now mom, Jennifer Lopez has seen all her dreams come true. But that doesn't mean she plans to slow down. Nope, she's already on to the next bend in the road, ambition in overdrive, still in hot pursuit of all that her passions can bring her.

As she walks into the REDBOOK cover shoot, Jennifer Lopez is already hard at work. She's got her two favorite groupies in tow: her 2-year-old twins, Emme and Max. Looking sleek and comfy in black tights, boots, and a leather jacket — and more gorgeous than ever, even without a bit of makeup — Jennifer chases her dynamic duo around the photo studio and tries to cajole them into eating a nutritious breakfast. It's a can't-win situation.

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Still, it's a pleasant surprise watching the 40-year-old world-famous star and style icon — who set tongues wagging right at the start of this year when she wore a curve-clinging, sequin-studded catsuit for a New Year's Eve performance — in her new role as Mom. She's cool, calm, and even giggly as her irrepressible toddlers, who are by her side these days everywhere from movie sets to the recording studio, repeatedly test her patience: They can have one piece of candy, but only one and she means it. Motherhood and a multifaceted career make for a balancing act that Jennifer's not afraid to admit she'll probably never completely figure out. But her balance is getting steadier every day, and the guidance and practiced parenting skills of her husband, singer Marc Anthony, are a big part of what helps her keep everything from going completely haywire.

Now, as the superstar gets ready to hit the ground running with the April release of The Back-up Plan, her first film in three years; a guest-starring role on Glee; followed by the summer release of her new CD, Love?, and a possible tour, it seems that mommyhood has transformed her. This time in her life, she says, is as much about the journey as the results. "Marc and I talk about this all the time," she admits. "He's always checking in with me. He's like, 'Are you happy here? Are you happy working so hard?' And I am. I love having the kids running around; that's my real life. Of course I want success and for things to go well and for people to enjoy what I do, but more important, I want to be able to enjoy my kids and my work every step of the way." Mom may be her most fulfilling role to date — but don't think for a minute that Jennifer's given up the spotlight for the sandbox.

How has being a mom changed you?

I can't help but be a different person now that I've had kids. That really does change your whole perspective on life for the better. I definitely feel like I've grown up. So, I guess in a way parts of me are going to be different, but in general I'm still the same girl from the Bronx who had big dreams.

Why was The Back-up Plan the first film you decided to do after you had the twins?

The first time I read it, I loved it. I realized that Kate Angelo, who wrote it, had just gone through pregnancy as well, so we had a similar way of looking at the script. I loved my character's voice; the script was funny, edgy, touching, and timely. Plus, I have always been a big fan of romantic comedies. I mean, I love seeing the Oscar films and epic dramas. But I'd rather watch a romantic comedy than any other kind of movie. There's something about movies like these that make you feel so good and happy and that you want to live in that world — to be that girl and be part of the fairy tale. I have always believed in fairy tales.

What are your favorite romantic comedies?

I have a couple: I've always loved When Harry Met Sally, because it really shows men and women and how they are when it comes to relationships. I also love Prelude to a Kiss, because it's about someone being in love with not the shell of the woman but her soul, and that's what I always wanted — someone to love me for my soul, for me as I really am.

How did you know Marc was "the one"?

I think you can love many different people, but that's different from what makes a great partner in life, which Marc is for me. When you love somebody so much that you're willing to work to be a better person, and that other person is willing to do the same for you, that's when you have magic in a bottle. And that's not easy to find.

How does he inspire you?

He inspires me to be better at everything — a better person, mom, singer, performer, friend, and wife. A marriage is long, and you've got to like the person as much as you love or lust after them. You've got to be friends first.

We are very similar. He's a very passionate person, and so am I. He has his own world around him, as do I. We're both very opinionated about our work, and we are both very strong people. There are times when that is the best, most amazing thing in the world, and then times when that also makes things difficult. Here's the thing with relationships that nobody tells you: You're not going to find one person where everything is always going to be perfect — that's bull. You have to work at a relationship, and you have to agree to disagree. You have to find someone who is willing to work out the kinks with you and you with them. Communication is everything; it's the only thing. If your communication game is strong, you can get through the tough stuff. But if it's not, the littlest thing can bring the relationship down.

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Are you and Marc into date night yet?

Ha. Not yet, but we're lucky because we get to travel and work together a lot. Sometimes we get the chance to travel by ourselves for like two days, and we'll get that great time to spend with each other and talk and be together in a way that you can't be when the kids are always there. We both know how important that is.

What's a typical night at home with Marc and the kids like?

It's awesome — these are the favorite moments of my life because it's all about family time and that sense of belonging and togetherness. We play games and hang out with the kids, eat dinner together, put them in their pajamas, and put them to bed. Then we have a little time to ourselves.

How have your priorities changed since you've become a mom?

My main priority now is that my kids are happy; that's my number-one focus in life. Are these little people happy, content, and getting everything they need? Everything after that is secondary. Before, my work was my main priority — even above myself.

What's been the biggest surprise about being a mom — something you didn't anticipate?

Guilt. I didn't know that feeling before. You don't know about it because nobody ever tells you. I think it's because women are a little ashamed to admit it. You feel guilty whenever you can't have your kids right there with you on your hip. And for me there's two, so it's bad back and bad arm time having a 50-pound kid on each side. I never expected to feel the guilt of not being able to be there for them at every single moment.

How do you reconcile that guilt?

I'm not different from any other mom who feels the need to go out there and work to provide the best for their kids. I ask myself, What would make me the best me to my kids? And that's being a happy, healthy individual who has a sense of fulfillment and can give them everything they need. But that takes a lot of work.

Tell me a little bit about what the mommy learning curve has been like for you.

When I first had the babies, I didn't even know how to put a diaper on! Luckily, Marc already had children and he was really good at all that stuff. We had a nurse for the first six weeks while I was recuperating, but I mean I was almost afraid to touch them because I might hurt them, because they were only five pounds each.

Juggling one toddler can be a challenge; how do you handle two?

[Laughs] I'm still figuring it out, but I try to cart them along with me wherever I go and spend as much time with them as possible, even when I'm working. Usually if I know there is no danger on a set or in a studio, I can set up a little play area for them where they can run around and hopefully no one will mind.

How do you plan to deal with the fame issue once Max and Emme are old enough to be aware of it?

I think by the standards of this business, Marc and I live a pretty normal life, except for all the traveling. We're together a lot. We wake up as a family together, we have meals together, we put them to bed together most nights. We might even get to spend more time with them than most working parents because we don't work normal working hours and we have the luxury of taking them with us. Sometimes we're home all day and don't even go to work until after they are in bed at night.

What's the greatest lesson you've learned so far from your kids?

I think the biggest thing they've taught me is what loving someone is and what it should feel like. It's like, Wow, how much do I love these children? No matter what they do — it doesn't matter. This is what unconditional love means. It's crazy, but it's heaven and earth.

It's funny because it really wasn't a landmark birthday for me. I remember when I was 33 or 34, it was devastating because I realized I wasn't a kid anymore. The great thing about 40 was that I really felt like I had life experience and knew what I was doing now. In fact, 40 turned out to be an empowered place for me, because I also realized how much I didn't know when I was 20 or even 30.

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So you don't see 40 as some sort of peak as an artist or woman?

No way. I seriously feel like the best days are ahead, and I like the idea of getting to do everything I did before but with more knowledge, experience, and street smarts. There's a certain love, appreciation, and gratitude that you have at 40 that you don't have when you're younger, and it makes every accomplishment feel so much better. There's no way in the world that just because women turn the number 40, they're anything less than amazing. That's crazy. If anything, you're even more amazing!

What advice do you have for women who have sunk into the doldrums and let that inner spark burn low?

You've gotta do things that make you happy. As women, we tend to give away a lot. We take care of a lot of people, and we can't forget to take care of ourselves. If that means once a week you're going to go off without the kids or without anybody and just go shoe shopping — well, that's me, because I love shoes — or get a facial even if your sister thinks that's selfish, or join a Zumba class, or take a painting class, or whatever, you've just got to do it. It's just two hours a week, for heaven's sake.

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What do you do for yourself when you need that getaway moment?

I love a long bath. I love anything creative. I love decorating. I even love just flipping through magazines and vegging out for a while. But I'm also one of those people who loves to work, so I'll sing, dance, work on my next performance, or write whomever it may be about a new idea. Those kinds of things fulfill my soul and keep the spark alive. Women have to do things that spark their souls so they feel young, vibrant, sexy, and full of life. You should never lose that part of yourself.

You've topped every "sexiest woman alive" list more times than I can remember. Do you still feel that way?

Sometimes when I get home and I'm not feeling so great, I make myself go to the gym. Then I come home and take a shower, put on a great outfit, some makeup, tie my hair up, and I feel pepped up and great about myself. I think that for some reason, when you maintain yourself, people are really surprised. It's inspiring for women who have kids and take care of themselves to be sexy.

Do you want to be that kind of role model for women?

[Laughs] I want to be that for myself!

Was it your dreams or your talent that drove your success?

Hmm... I always knew what I wanted to do. When I first started acting and singing, I just thought about being the best I could be. I always wanted to be great at what I did — that's what drove me. My race has never been with anyone else, it's been with myself. If I got rejected, I wouldn't take it personally. I was like, Make them a fan and they'll bring you back in for something else. I never thought about money or fame, and I never really thought that would happen to me. All that was just a by-product.

Do you consider yourself to be a fearless person?

No, I'm not always fearless. I'm usually a little bit afraid, but I don't ever let that take over. I think when there is a sense of fear, it motivates me. Usually I'm able to tell myself, "Screw it, I'm just going to do this." And then that's it, I've done it, and if it was 100 percent a success, that's great, and if not, that's okay too because I still did it. I don't do regrets. But I am a perfectionist, so I'm always re-evaluating and re-analyzing so I can make whatever it was better for the next time.

How have your children changed you as an artist?

You can't help but be more thoughtful and more aware after you have kids. I think they've made me feel things in a deeper way and that's enhanced my work. My job deals with feelings, emotions, and expressing them, so I think my kids have actually helped me be better at what I do. I feel more confident when I'm working than I ever did before because you have that deeper understanding of life, and that introspection really helps me be better as a writer, singer, actor, whatever. They've made me feel things in a deeper and more profound way than I ever did before.

Of all your talents and successes, what do you most want to be remembered for?

I want to be remembered as a symbol that you can accomplish whatever you want and that you don't have to be just one thing. You don't have to be labeled. Life is there to be eaten up by you — it's your choice.