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Tuesday, March 27, 2012

“Glamazon” – Fate Intervenes

Miss-Adventures: AHaplessHelplessHopeless Dater

Correct me if I’m wrong but when you all
were single and dating, did you find that your friends would want to set you up
with other members of their social circle?
For me, it came up from time to time: ‘so, I have this friend...’; ‘what kind of women are you attracted to?’; ‘would you date so-and-so?’; ‘well,
what about dating a guy? do you find this guy attractive?’For whatever reason, I never found myself
interested in anyone tossed in my direction.At least, not at that time.

Sometime around Christmas and just before
I met Helen of Troy, my ex wife had casually mentioned a friend of hers. She told me about this “really sweet girl”
who looked as though a breakup was imminent.
She actually went on for several minutes about how wonderful her friend
was and then she even showed me a picture of her friend from her phone.

Ex
wife:“Isn’t she so cute?”

Me:“Yeah, she’s really cute. But [ex wife’s name], in a million years, I
would NEVER date one of your friends.”

What’s that old cliché about “never
saying never”? Fate must’ve heard me and
laughed its ass off when I said that I would never date someone in Ex Wife’s
social circle because, just when I least expected it, my old nemesis, “Timing”,
and my brand new friend, “Fate”, came together and knocked me backward on my
ass with the best surprise of my life.

I don’t recall ever being formally
introduced to Glamazon. I had seen her
here and there for a couple of months, usually in large social settings or just
in passing. She first appeared at a
going away party which my ex wife threw for our dog who had been diagnosed with
cancer. She appeared again at an ugly
Christmas sweater party. I don’t think
we had ever even spoken a word to each other but I know we passed curious
glances. Now, I won’t deny that I
thought she was really pretty
when I saw her here and there (her eyes are the sort that make you do a
double-take and ask yourself, ‘where the
hell did my heartbeat just go?’) but because she was a friend of my ex
wife’s, because I have a tendency to pre-judge all of my ex wife’s friends
(some of them can be very clique-ish and gossipy), because Glamazon and I had never
been formally introduced, and because I clam up in large social settings, that
pretty face barely made a blip on my radar.

When my ex wife tried to convince me to
ask out her “very sweet friend”, I was utterly convinced that Glamazon was
going to wind up being just another one of her douchey friends. Not only that, but dating a friend of your
ex’s opens your life up to a whole hell of a lot of gossip and talk, and while
Miss-Adventures is totally willing to open up her personal life for all the www
to see, I also like having the choice
to keep some things private and sacred.
So I continued on my merry way of online dating, meeting lots of new
people and suffering through the trials and tribulations of dating attachments.

And then Glamazon appeared again … on
Hookah Night.

[Internal
Monologue: ‘Ohhhh yeah,
that’s the girl that ex wife wanted me to ask out. She really is tall. Oh man, her eyes
are so pretty. Ok, back to the task at hand
…]

Me:“Does anyone want a glass of wine? I have hummus!”

Fast forward one week later and
Miss-Adventures is getting dumped by Helen of Troy.

Fast forward five days after that and Miss-Adventures is checking her
Facebook feed. [There’s that girl ex wife wanted me to ask out again!] Ex wife had posted a very cute picture of Glamazon
on Facebook posing next to a U-Haul van parked right outside of our own
apartment building (insert inappropriate stereotypical lesbian joke here). [Internal Monologue:Is ex
wife moving in a new roommate? That girl
is super cute.]So right there on Facebook, for the whole world to see:

Me:“New roomie?”

Ex
Wife:“Nah, she’s just picking up
some things I was storing for her in the garage.”

Me: “Too bad.
She’s kinda cute.”

Glamazon:“’Kinda?’
Rude!”

I love a girl that’s sassy and that was
all it took to hook my interest. So Glamazon
and I bantered back and forth just a couple of times on Facebook when not more
than five minutes pass and my ex wife is calling me at work!

Ex
Wife:“What is going on with you
and [Glamazon’s non-superhero name]?”

Me:“Nothing.
I don’t even know this girl.”

Ex
Wife:“Well it looks like you’re
flirting with her on Facebook.”

Me:“Yeah, well, maybe. So what’s her story?”

Ex wife and I talked for a few minutes,
she told me a bit of what she knew about Glamazon and then I asked her if she
really thought it was a good idea for me to ask Glamazon out. I mean, it was still pretty fucking weird to ask out a friend of my ex’s and
despite all of her good intentions, I still wanted her to be ok with it. And she reassured me that, yes, it was a good
idea and yes, she was totally ok with it.

So I mustered up some courage and sent Glamazon
a Facebook friend request. I realize I
could have sent her a message asking her out without a friend request but I
also wanted to test the waters of her interest in me and stalkresearch her photos as much as I possibly could. What?! Don’t judge me – you know you all do it too!

Me:“So... if I'm not in the dog house
permanently, and if you're free tonight, I'd like to invite you to come out to
[Club] for [Lady DJ’s] birthday bash. I'll be there with some friends but it'd
be nice to see a new friendly face there. [Ex Wife] mentioned that you're
moving into a new place today, so if you can't make it, I totally understand.