Suzette Martinez Standring: The high favor and hardship of motherhood

There is an old Jewish prayer that says, “Thank you, God, for not making me a woman.” During an airline flight, a stranger explained why this was a compliment, especially toward mothers.

Suzette Martinez Standring

There is an old Jewish prayer that says, “Thank you, God, for not making me a woman.” During an airline flight, a stranger explained why this was a compliment, especially toward mothers.

“Ellen” practices Conservative Judaism and is the mother of two grown sons. Smartly dressed in black pants and a jewel-tone top, her dark eyes scan the plane’s cabin behind designer glasses. She said the prayer is positive.

Women are closest to God because they are empowered to give life. Birth is a miraculous blessing. While men may perform good works toward divine favor, women alone occupy the most special place in God’s heart. But with the high honor of motherhood comes the unique pain and sacrifice that only women are capable of bearing.

Thus men in their frailty can only thank God for not assigning to them such responsibility. She surely turned the tables on a seeming insult.

Perhaps divine favor does bring hardship. Women the world over often eclipse themselves, both physically and emotionally, out of love for their children.

Emigration, loathsome jobs, or long, lonely hours away are dramatic examples of sacrifice. Moms spend a lifetime nurturing, raising and leading their little ones to water, hoping they will drink of good choices and the best companions. But a child’s pain is magnified in a mother’s heart.

Against all common sense (as viewed by others), mothers adapt to their children’s changes.

For example, Ellen has two wardrobes.

In her everyday life, her clothes reflect the tasteful stylishness of a modern woman and she always wears pants.

But her two sons and their families have embraced Orthodox Judaism. One son even lives in Jerusalem. Because of their exacting adherence to traditions, visiting a non-kosher home is extremely difficult.

“Both of them are very strict, but my one son will take things to the nth degree,” she said.

So during their visits, Ellen’s clothing reflects Orthodox customs: no pants for women, dark dresses and skirts, high neck tops, and she covers her head. Food preparation is strictly kosher and includes separate dishes, immersed in a mikvah (special bath) and blessed. My eyes widen with marvel. What a lot of work.

“Oh, one time my sons got into a huge fight over the lettuce. There was a question of whether the farm it came from was in good kosher standing,” said Ellen.

In the universal language of “Oy,” Ellen rolled her eyes.

On the plane, I sat sandwiched between Ellen and another mature woman, “Linda,” who was Jewish as well. Linda practices Reformed Judaism, which is much more liberal in approach compared to being an Orthodox or Conservative Jew.

Linda is offended by the demands Ellen’s sons impose on their mother.

“It would seem to me that if they loved you, they’d accept your lifestyle and not force their beliefs on you,” she interjected.

Ellen is patient. She explains she wants her kids to be comfortable and to feel welcome. To understand her sons’ mindsets, she’s been studying Orthodox traditions, and there are good reasons why things are done. Though it’s not her full-time lifestyle, she wants to part of her children’s lives. Thus, she makes the accommodations.

Linda finds this nonsense and a huge imposition. Ellen’s sons need a lesson in flexibility, not the other way around. She excuses herself to the restroom.

Ellen smiles, “I get this all the time.”

But I understand. Years ago, my daughter Star embraced Christianity, which brought both big and small changes to our personal dynamic. At first, some of her opinions were perplexing. Later, I studied the Bible to better understand her beliefs.

What I realized was this: It’s about one’s direct relationship with God. When God assumes priority, then one acts in ways that please him, according to belief. It’s not about being accepted by the world at large or worrying about what others think of you. And sometimes this can be very inconvenient to others.

“Now that I’ve embraced the whole enchilada, I see it through different eyes,” I said.

“Exactly. And as a part of my sons’ lives, I support that enchilada,” she replied.

Mothers act in ways that others cannot or will not do. They are Giving Trees, always shading, protecting and pruning their own lives to support and encourage.

Divine favor does call for grace and endurance. Mothers sit closest to God’s heart for a very good reason.

Contact Suzette Standring at suzmar@comcast.net or visit http://www.readsuzette.com. She is the author of “The Art of Column Writing.”

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