Thursday, October 20, 2011

Observationalism

Let me begin my remarks on this affair with a brief comment to "etiquetteand protocol expert" William Hanson:

You are a moron.

Let me follow with a brief comment to anyone on this planet who cares even the slightest bit about whether the prime minister curtsied or not to the Queen:

You are a moron.

And when I say you are a moron, don't take it the wrong way: I simply mean you are of extremely low intelligence. I mean your brain doesn't work the way it should. I mean you need to wear heavy-duty protective clothing to shield you from the inevitable injuries caused by constantly falling over and walking into things. I mean you need to be institutionalised and isolated from society so as not to infect functional adult human beings with your virulent stupidity. I mean your stupidity is so vast as to actually constitute immorality. I mean that if you ever try to strike up a conversation with another person you should be arrested for committing a hate crime, because nothing could be more horrific to endure than to have to talk to you, you irredeemably and nauseatingly idiotic imbecilic moronic stupid cretinous fool.

Now let me tell you what SHOULD have happened when the Prime Minister met the Queen.

The Queen should have curtsied. The Queen should have grovelled. The Queen should have fallen to her knees, kissed Gillard's hand, and bathed her feet in finest perfume. The Queen should have subjugated herself entirely in the most humble gratitude that she has actually been allowed to go on this publicy-funded holiday and meet genuinely important people.

The Queen should have spent the entire meeting with the prime minister crying out, "Thank you, thank you, thank you!". The Queen should have made it clear just how grateful she was that she, as an elderly bejewelled parasite whose position in life is owed entirely to an accident of birth and who has never been required to either assume any genuine responsibility, or record any actual achievement to get where she is, should be allowed to hob-nob with people who've actually risen to their place in the world via hard work and talent. That she should be permitted to engage with the elected prime minister of Australia, a woman who attained that position via her own personal qualities and the democratic processes of a democratic nation, and whose job entails actual power, and actual responsibility, should have caused the Queen to be overwhelmed with gratitude, and humiliated with the thought of just what a small, insignificant wastrel she is by comparison not only with the PM herself, but pretty much all the other people surrounding her.

And the Queen shuold have gone to bed that night with a smile on her face, counting her blessings and wondering at her good fortune, that anyone in a position of genuine authority, when encountering her, should actually have been so preternaturally polite and astoundingly gracious as to shake her hand and bow their head, rather than passing her by with a witheringly scornful glance and going off to do something more useful, important, and enjoyable than poncing about going through the motions of a pointless ritual greeting with someone who is only recognisable by anyone on earth due to the failure of a good portion of humanity to escape from the hidebound medieval mindset that keeps them convinced that the behaviour of a fawning slave to an undeserving master remains worthwhile.

3 comments:

Anonymous
said...

And this useless pathetic bullshit disguised as "debate" about how one greets some wrinkled old in-bred has-been and her even more useless family from an irrelevant institution on the other side of the planet is exactly why we should have become a republic when Parkes and Lawson first fucking campaigned for it.

she wasn't elected. there shoudl have been another election but instead she bribed the three independents so she could hold government. the coalition actually won more seats than her but neither of them had enough to govern.

In the case of the Liberal & National parties, it is what two allied groups of conservative wankers form when neither on its own has ever charmed a sufficiently large proportion of the electorate to hold power in its own right.

To claim that this is suddenly and somehow illegitimate when other parties do it is just breathlessly stupid. Really fuckin' dumb. Just the sort of thing I'd expect from a Liberal/National leech.