In January of 2005, my son C. died. Then he was born. These are the 8 million pieces of my life, as I pick them up,one by one.

And now, featuring the addition of our second beautiful child, BB and his lovely sister E.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I should know about counting chickens

I was all set to write this post about how zen/fatalistic this all is for me right now. Then I had cervical pain yesterday. After I did a bunch of crazy arguing in my head, I decided I would regret not seeing my doctor.

I went in and she didn't really think it could be pain in my cervix. Maybe it was contractions. Maybe it was something else entirely. Now, I like my doctor. I like that she fit me in on her lunch hour. I think she is a nice lady. But I do know where my cervix is and I do know what it feels like when it hurts. I have given birth vaginally twice and I get the same type of pain every period. I will admit that I didn't know where my cervix was and what it felt like until after I had two babies and spent months of my life checking for fertility signs, including cervical position. But I sure as heck do know now.

So, what did I want from her anyway? Really, what I wanted was for her to check my cervix and tell me that it is still nice and long. Which she did.

I think she thought I wanted something more. Some guarantee that if they gave me Medication X and did Procedure Y that it would stop an impending disaster. I had no such desire. I know as well as anyone could that when things go to shit, there is not much anyone can do to stop it.

The ache in my cervix is positional. If I lay down, it almost instantly disappears. So this is my self-diagnoses, with no confirmation from either my doctor or even Google. I have a retroverted uterus; it tips towards my back. I think that when the uterus gets big and starts floating around in my abdomen, my reproductive tract reacts to the strain. You may remember the BH ctx that started in week 16 with BB. This time is is a cervical ache.

Anyway, I am not panicked. So maybe I am zen. But I really don't believe in complication free pregnancies, either, so maybe it just doesn't surprise me.

So I am supposed to take it easy. Lay down if I need to. Really easy to do when working and caring for a two year old... :)