Freebsd Fortunes 2

Fortune: 11 - 20 of 1371 from Freebsd Fortunes 2

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 11 of 1371

It's grad exam time...
MEDICINE
You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a
bottle of Scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has
been inspected. (You have 15 minutes.)
HISTORY
Describe the history of the papacy from its origins to the present
day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its social, political,
economic, religious and philosophical impact upon Europe, Asia, America, and
Africa. Be brief, concise, and specific.
BIOLOGY
Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture
if this form of life had been created 500 million years ago or earlier, with
special attention to its probable effect on the English parliamentary system.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 12 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
10: Potholes are
a) extremely dangerous.
b) patriotic.
c) the fault of the previous administration.
d) all going to be fixed next summer.
The correct answer is b.
Potholes destroy unpatriotic, unamerican, imported cars, since the holes
are larger than the cars. If you drive a big, patriotic, American car
you have nothing to worry about.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 13 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
2: A traffic light at an intersection changes from yellow to red, you should
a) stop immediately.
b) proceed slowly through the intersection.
c) blow the horn.
d) floor it.
The correct answer is d.
If you said c, you were almost right, so give yourself a half point.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 14 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
3: When stopped at an intersection you should
a) watch the traffic light for your lane.
b) watch for pedestrians crossing the street.
c) blow the horn.
d) watch the traffic light for the intersecting street.
The correct answer is d.
You need to start as soon as the traffic light for the intersecting
street turns yellow.
Answer c is worth a half point.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 15 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
4: Exhaust gas is
a) beneficial.
b) not harmful.
c) toxic.
d) a punk band.
The correct answer is b.
The meddling Washington eco-freak communist bureaucrats who say otherwise
are liars. (Message to those who answered d. Go back to California where
you came from. Your kind are not welcome here.)

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 16 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
5: Your car's horn is a vital piece of safety equipment.
How often should you test it?
a) once a year.
b) once a month.
c) once a day.
d) once an hour.
The correct answer is d.
You should test your car's horn at least once every hour,
and more often at night or in residential neighborhoods.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 17 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
7: The car directly in front of you has a flashing right tail light
but a steady left tail light.
a) One of the tail lights is broken. You should blow your
horn to call the problem to the driver's attention.
b) The driver is signaling a right turn.
c) The driver is signaling a left turn.
d) The driver is from out of town.
The correct answer is d.
Tail lights are used in some foreign countries to signal turns.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 18 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
8: Pedestrians are
a) irrelevant.
b) communists.
c) a nuisance.
d) difficult to clean off the front grille.
The correct answer is a. Pedestrians are not in cars, so they
are totally irrelevant to driving, and you should ignore them
completely.

Freebsd Fortunes 2: 19 of 1371

Pittsburgh driver's test
9: Roads are salted in order to
a) kill grass.
b) melt snow.
c) help the economy.
d) prevent potholes.
The correct answer is c.
Road salting employs thousands of persons directly, and millions more
indirectly, for example, salt miners and rustproofers. Most important,
salting reduces the life spans of cars, thus stimulating the car and
steel industries.