Food for Thought.

by beanalreasa

I was talking with a friend about an hour ago, regarding an article that someone else had posted concerning how – theoretically – if one were to consider structures in nature as ‘order’ (the natural order of things in a system) then attempts by humans to impose their own concepts or systems of ‘order’ upon natural structures by other means (by sorting, categorizing, or classifying) is therefore a form of ‘disorder,’ because such imposition is creating artificial (unnatural) systems:

But in the greater scheme, the one where humans are optional, those piles and sorting is chaotic and meaningless.

~~~

I’d never thought of order or disorder as being defined this way, and yet, I have been thinking of the relation between the concepts of ‘order’ and ‘disorder’ a lot lately. It began, as most things do, with a simple conversation in a Rokkatru group concerning someone’s UPG of the Aesir representing ‘order’ and ‘civilization’ in the cosmos while the Rokkr represent ‘nature’ and a ‘natural sort of disorder.’ Of course, there was discussion of how nature has its own sense of ‘order’ – but how, from the point of view of ‘civilization,’ nature’s sense of order is random and therefore, considered by civilization to be ‘disorder.’ As well, others discussed the concepts of open and closed systems and how a closed system eventually falls apart because it can’t self-sustain and whatnot, and things quickly became rather meta.

And being a Rokkatru group, of course, this discussion wound its way towards discussion of Ragnarok, and the role of Loki, Fenrir, and Surtr in bringing on the end of the world. The world is a closed system and the role of the Rokkatru is to bring about the destruction of this closed system in order to make way for a new (and perhaps more open) system.

And so, it’s odd but not surprising to me that that conversation gave me a headache…because chaos theory usually does.

~~~

But then, there I was again tonight, having a conversation about order and disorder again, but this time, it was on a smaller scale.

I was talking to my friend about how Loki has laughed at me concerning my OCD need to arrange the items in a specific configuration on His altar, or my habit of overthinking that is a hallmark of my social anxiety, or my inability to let things go and/or trust the process.

I have no problem admitting that I am sort of control freak regarding several aspects of my life and practice. And my friend agreed that she has some of those issues too.

And then, she said a funny-strange but interesting thing that hit me like a ton of bricks:

She said that her life as a child was hellish and the only way that she could have control over her environment was to draw. The only world that she could control could be found at the end of a pencil. So she drew pictures and created stories. She created worlds. She told me how Loki told her that her best artwork seemed to come when she experienced personal turmoil. How He has asked her why she would draw, and she told Him it made her happy. But the truth was that she was often unhappy/angry/miserable while drawing. (And, of course, He noticed that.)

Well, that reminded me of my own artistic coping strategies.

Honestly, I suppose that it’s nothing new, but I wrote and drew my way through a miserable childhood…and adolescence…and fuck, I *still do.*

And yeah, that realization, of how I tried to make sense of confusing experiences by filling up notebooks, and drawing my imaginary friends, and how much it shocks me to think that it wasn’t just me being escapist.

That art was …that art isa rather dysfunctional coping mechanism for me.

I don’t make money with it.

It doesn’t make me happy.

Things still pile up in my head, and writing them, drawing them doesn’t serve to make me any more sane or stable.

And it sure as hell doesn’t help me or my loved ones to understand me any better than before.

It’s just another method I hide behind. (Funny -autocorrect suggests that the word ‘method’ should actually be ‘met God’ over and over. No, I’ve never met God by writing or drawing. Psht. I should be living.)

Perhaps my incessant writing and drawing are what I do to keep myself from meaningfully engaging with others.

5 Comments to “Food for Thought.”

I love where you are going with this. I’m just beginning my quest into Rokkatru after reading Jotunbok by Raven Kaldera. I arrived myself at the conclusion that civilizations, as currently modeled, tend to collapse because they are actually imposed chaos.

Consider where major crimes happen. It isn’t because more people live there, it’s because of the psychic madness resulting from those people living divorced from nature and natural order. Just my two cents.

Thank you for your comment!
I agree with you that a lot of people are living divorced from nature and natural order these days. I’ve no doubt that perhaps that’s the reason that so many people feel as if ‘something is missing’ in their lives.
Meanwhile, I’ve always found it imperative to connect with nature in order to feel connected to myself. It is one of the primary reasons that I am a Pagan.
I’m glad that my post resonated with you. Thank you for stopping by.

I’ve only been investigating Rokkatru for a few months, and it makes the most sense of anything I’ve yet found for that reason. I tried Wicca and I’m not quite sure how to describe why it didn’t mesh except that I could tell it didn’t go all the way. With the lack of literature for this tradition, I’m glad to see there’s followers to talk with 🙂

Well, I’ve been following this path for about 5 years now – working with Loki and other members of His family – and I am always glad to find other Rokkatru folks 🙂 If you are on Facebook, there’s a fantastic group https://www.facebook.com/groups/1573902902865369/ of folks who work with Rokkatru and Jotuns. (It’s a closed group, but I can get you an invite if you like :))

That would be awesome. I’m fascinated with Loki’s godfather (Surt), he’s awesome and I relate to Loki in many ways. I’m leery about working with Loki however, I’m not a freewheeling person though I relate to his story personally. The story of Loki and Surt was a big hook for me in turning to this path.