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Original Message

These are two things I actually wrote else where but thought might be helpful to some people here.

As time goes on and more stuff happens I realize that I did indeed make the right choice in leaving university. Oh sure, to the rest of society I'm probably just some lazy deadbeat moocher because I don't have a paying job and am therefore an “unproductive” member of society. Well its true, I don't have a paying job, nor do I have any desire to get one.

But at the same time, I'm teaching people about the finer points of Chakra/Chi/whatever you wanna call it. Why? First of all because I can and second of all because I feel its wrong that that knowledge isn't shared as willingly by those who know it as well as I do. Also because I can explain it with physics and “normal” science and that helps a lot with the bias most westernized people have had indoctrinated into them since birth.

Do I get paid for this? No, but I also don't want to get paid for it. I would feel just as guilty as those who horde this knowledge if I forced people to pay me before I gave it to them. The other thing I occupy my time with is my own energy training.... which is going slower than I'd like.

As I explained in my other note, I kinda destroyed my chakra network back in October 2010 and lost pretty much ever ability I had. Sure it wasn't all that much really, I could sense energy pretty well which allowed me to do things like sense spirits as well as find individuals in a crowd by sensing their energy. It also compensated a lot for my lack of peripheral vision because it makes this sort of energy bubble around me that acts kinda like water around a fish, anything that moves will move the water, and the fish can feel that. Same idea. Back when that ability was at its peak I could do things like dodge things that were thrown at me from behind, like snowballs, and sense people around corners. Super effective and a bare essential if you are a Martial Artist as far as I'm concerned. Besides that's how I honed my senses, and when I started actually looking into it I learned that most of the black belts reported the same type of ability, except weaker than mine .Probably because I noticed mine before I ever joined Taekwondo and then when it became really noticeable I decided to isolate it and hone it as a separate skill.

I could do a few other things too but that's another story.

In any case I treat getting my full abilities back as my top priority. Its my means to heal my blindness for one, and I worked very hard to attain them in my past lives so pride definitely plays a part in it. Bu8t especially because of the attacks and injuries I've sustained via spirits. Astral Projection its generally called, although I'd say what I do is better classified as Spirit Projection. And unfortunately your spirit and your body are very closely linked, and there were more than a few people who had (and still have) grudges against me. That tends to happen when you spend your life being a warrior, live by the sword, die by the sword.

Projection in general is actually a very new skill for me, only really ever used in this life. Before, all the supposedly supernatural stuff that my spirit does used to be a physical ability, Projection was only ever used as a means for long ranged secure communication. I've never had to use it for everything before. At least I'm learning and that its not a completely foreign skill to me.

What is projection you ask? Well I'm guessing everyone reading this knows the concept of a ghost right? Well basically all projection is is separating that ghost part of you from your body at will and then doing stuff in it. Ideally you'd want to completely transfer your consciousness over but that's not exactly easy to pull off. Right now I have to do it via meditation, and that means I'm still conscious in my body at the same time. That has the potential to cause interference and inject your own imagination into the projection. Which makes me constantly ask whether its really projection or just in my head. But I've noticed that I have a much more solid connection than I first thought. Some of my friends down here who also know this skill have sometimes reported doing things with me (usually dueling) that from my end I considered just my imagination. No actual conscious effort was there from my end... yet it turned out not to be in my head after all. And so I had to do a flurry of tests to determine the differences between projection and imagination so I didn't accidentally “imagine” something I shouldn't.

But the quest for physical abilities has not gone nearly as spectacularly, at least in my opinion. Maybe because I'm just too used to a lot of this stuff that it seems like I'm going nowhere fast. If I concentrate enough energy in one place I can get a visible greyish-white “mist” that appears. What it actually is is the energy bending and distorting the light passing through it, giving it a heat-wave like appearance but more intense. However, what I can do with that energy is very minimal, I can generate a force bubble that I can use to push objects. Literally Force Push like a Jedi :P Except that the field is only strong enough to maybe push small pieces of paper around (although I've never tested that) and it only extends a max of three inches from my palm regardless of how much I try to compress and reshape the field. I can hold that field for only a few seconds, then my energy bottoms out and I can't do it again for the next few days.

I'm used to being able to fly with my energy as easily as I can walk. Its simple, you surround yourself with an aura of kinetic energy, point it in a direction, and boom, flight. Sure there's some intricacies to it but you can say the same thing for walking and running. In any case I lack the raw power required to really do anything. However I have managed to become a poltergeist on a few occasions. It was a theory I was working on about how a spirit manages to interact with a plane that they should be completely incompatible and out of phase with.

I figured that “Well, if a spirit sits on a higher plane because it's made of very low density, high frequency energy, then all you should have to do is make it more like our matter and then it should be able to interact.” And so that's what I tried, I projected to a friends house slowed my spirit's energy down as much as I could, and then concentrated it in places like my hands to make them more dense. Then I tried moving stuff. At the time I didn't actually think I did anything and that it was all I my head but then that friend spontaneously emailed me about poltergeist activity and I got to tell them my story... of which they weren't exactly happy about because I made a bit of a mess.

More recently I realized that I've managed far more spectacular physical feats with my spirit than I've even come close to with my body. And not only that, but I had to force myself to hold back quite a bit for fear of doing some real damage. Then I got the idea that, if I could overlay my spirit over top of my body, I could have direct access to all of its power with my body. So one day a few weeks ago I tried this and got some very interesting results. For one, I had a fully visible greyish-white aura around my whole body for a few seconds, and not only that but I also had sparks popping inside my aura. When they popped I'd get hit with a little burst of air. All of this only lasted for a few seconds at which point I suddenly bottomed out. Had there not been a wall to lean on right there then I would've just fallen on the ground. But I would've fallen in victory! >:D

It was proof of concept of my theory if there ever was one. Sure, I wasn't able to do anything in that state because I was too busy concentrating on the link, but damn. I haven't managed to do that again since but for the moment that's okay. Heh, and then I remembered that way, way back when I was a much younger soul what I'd just attempted was called Spirit Form when it was achieved. Because that's what you were doing, taking on the form of your spirit.

I talk a lot with spirits as well, mainly friends whom I know/have known who also aren't technically dead... as weird as that may sound. Their advice on how to get myself back together has been pretty invaluable if not a little confusing at first. I had first come up with the idea that I could merge my spirit and my body and make them the same entity, something my friends all told me not to do and certainly not write down for others to try. They felt that it was simply too dangerous for an amateur to attempt and possibly even too dangerous for me to attempt. That fusion had a lot of opportunities to go horrifically wrong if you didn't do it quite right, mistakes amateurs might stumble unwittingly into but I figured I'd be able to notice and compensate for. Well I decided to write that method down anyways but in a more vague way that an amateur wouldn't understand anyways.

But they had also been telling me that a merge like that was unnecessary and overcomplicated things. That I technically already had full access to my abilities, I just needed to remember how to activate them. Well that didn't make any sense to me at the time so I plowed ahead with my merge idea because I couldn't think of any other way to get what I wanted. And it was that that did end up frying my chakra network. Not because I made a mistake but because I got very frustrated for the last one because of things that were going on in my life at the time and instead of backing down when I saw I didn't have enough energy to complete the merge I instead forced my body well beyond its limits and literally charred my insides a little bit.

Yeah, this is because Chi or Chakra or whatever you want to call it bis really just the electricity your body already runs on. The only difference is that you train yourself to be able to produce more of it and then you can use the surplus for anything from healing to combat to architecture to anything you can think of really. You just need to know how to use that energy and also have enough of it to do what you need to do. Its not really all that mystical, people just make it that way. Yes there is much more to this but that's the basic explanation. So really what I'd done was electrocute myself, and if you've ever seen a hot dog get hooked up to a car battery you know what that does to a body.

They've given me analogies like “If an old friend is knocking at your door, what do you do?” and “Treat this world like a dream.” Things I didn't really understand at the time. I mean I got the metaphors they were going for but I didn't know how to make them practical. But over time I found out that my spirit and body don't actually have two distinct chakra and neural networks that are just connected somehow... they share one network. Or at least they can.

I already knew the two were inextricably linked because injuries to the spirit would show up as injuries to the body although not as severe. I've been impaled a few times up there and that injury has, at most, become a very solid bruise on my body. Although others I know down here who've also gotten injured have actually had full cuts and minor lacerations appear. I'm kinda glad that I've never had that much of a transfer because that would make for a bit of an awkward explanation to my family who have no clue how any of this works and more or less think its all crazy talk. I also get very tired physically from using too much energy up there, its like a muscle and muscles get tired after awhile. I dubbed it the Kruger Effect after Freddy Kruger and his ability to kill people by entering their dreams and carving them to bits... which would also happen to the sleepers body at the same time.

So I already knew of that connection but I'd never found anything that showed that the two were actually the same network, especially the neural network. Up there I'm capable of lots of acrobatics and martial skill simply because I've been doing it with that body for so long. Down here on the other hand I cannot do any of it. I know how to do it but I still can't do it. Like I explained in the other note, there's more to skill than knowing how to do it.

Also the raw power I have up there is exponentially higher than anything I've ever managed here, even as a poltergeist. But I have found that the only real reason that its like that is because I make it like that. I am very closed to the idea of that power, because according to everything you get taught in a Catholic settled, western society is that “Magic” either doesn't exist or is totally evil. And even if you're not Christian those ideas permeate the society anyways. And like everyone else I've had it beaten into me for so long that its almost become a hard coded reaction. And that's something I notice I don't have when I project or even when I have projection dreams. That feeling of resistance is absent for the most part. It depends though, in certain projection dreams where I'm in physical form as opposed to spirit I sometimes have that resistance.

So really, the thing I need to change is my feelings towards my own ability. And now I finally get what my friends have been trying to tell me. I know how to make it practical. And it more or less boils down to creating an emotion of need in myself to make myself stop questioning that power. That, unfortunately, is much harder than I thought it would be.

On Sept 28th I had a projection dream where two guys had apparently heard about my whole idea about just believing in myself to get my powers back and they decided to come give me a dose of reality. They thought it was hilarious that I was basically taking the same stance any hardcore Catholic or other religicite took in regards to God an Angels. That magically someone would just come save them because they wanted them to despite the sheer irrationality in believing that. And so they attacked me and chastised me about “Well where is it? Where's that power you were talking about? Not there is it?”

They were right at first, even though I wanted it and indeed needed it at that moment to keep myself alive... it wasn't manifesting. Because I knew how my emotions would have to change in order to remove those barriers.... that in itself became a barrier. It no longer was an automatic, unconscious thing that would just magically happen, it was something that I was controlling and thus blocking myself from attaining. But Because I knew there was the risk that I could wake up dead from their attacks, and I was in physical form I just kept pushing myself anyways... and boom, I did get them to work eventually. I wondered if that's what I'd be capable of if I managed to do that physically but unless I get in the middle of a gang fight or something I doubt I'd feel the same need as I did in there.

It was actually a pretty spectacular dream that I wanted to write down like a story but I've yet to do that. I think it would portray good themes of self reliance and not getting discouraged and stuff like that. After all that's what I had to do in it, and that's what I did. Besides its got a kick ass fight scene and everyone loves those don't they? Well unless you're the one doing the fighting, then its not so great. But as a spectator, yeah!

As a side note I thought that if I were to ever animate that dream into some anime-like thing this would be the song that I'd use for an AMV, it matches my emotions in there perfectly :P

I do not accept it as real yet, because of what I've been taught to believe. Even when I do pull off frankly incredible things physically it doesn't seem to help. I need to get myself to a state where all of that is just normal to me and that I don't question it. I also think I should take a little break from energy training and maybe work on some writing for once. I have so many stories that have come out of this, even though no one in their right mind would believe them it doesn't matter. I think that just getting them down would be good for me even if its just because I wouldn't feel guilty anymore for not doing it. I do think a lot of them do have good messages and lessons in them. As one spirit says “All stories have lessons for those willing to learn them.” and I agree.

Well I guess that concludes this note.... until next time y'all.----

Part 2

Originally posted Sunday, October 9, 2011----

So an interesting thing happened to me sometime this morning. I woke up buzzing with energy, which on its own isn't all that strange. I've noticed that being relaxed makes the energy flow better. But this time I decided to try controlling it like I had during that dream projection that I'm still writing up.

First off, when you have energy flowing through you it's really obvious. Common signs are a buzzing in your head and ears, similar to tinnitus but far more intense. The ringing you hear is a result from the buzzing feeling, whereas tinnitus is only a ringing sound on its own without any distinct vibratory feeling. This buzzing can often be felt throughout your entire body and to me its the same reason as why high voltage power lines buzz and transformers. Lots of electricity flowing through them. Often when it gets to a certain intensity random muscles will start twitching, kinda feels like popcorn or bubble wrap sometimes. And the best is when your energy itself seems to coil up and snap all on its own like bubbles of raw force popping inside you. This happens outside you as well, and sometimes it causes visible sparks in your aura or even colour if the field is strong enough to start ionizing the air.

Anyways, I tried pumping up the voltage even more and flowing it throughout my entire body. Then when it was as high as I could get it I tried concentrating it in my right arm. I was trying to get the field to pull on my arm and move it, precursor to levitation and flight, but the field wasn't strong enough. Or rather, it didn't have enough grip. I am positive that there was more than enough energy to whip my arm around any which way, but the aura just couldn't grab onto me hard enough. And the problem was that is was too diffuse.

My arm felt like it was sitting in a bag of air, sure that air could push on the arm, but it wasn't solid enough to really move it. It would just blow against my arm and then deflect off of it. It was the same problem I had in that projection when I did manage to get my energy flowing. Except in there, likely due to my intensity and unwillingness to let that blonde asshole kill me or continue to beat the shit out of me like he was already doing, I had WAY more power. My aura was fully visible, an intense bluish-white flame that emanated a good meter off of me. All grainy and sparkly like a sheen on silk. But all it amounted to was a fancy light show and kicking up dust and dirt. The aura had no real concentration, it was jut my body doing what it naturally does, and dispersing the energy like any standard EMF field. NOBODY in their right mind should EVER try using energy like that. I call that Dragon Ball Z style, and its literally the worst possible thing to ever do. In that state the only way to make your aura or any energy you use remotely effective in that diffuse state is to have an absolutely ridiculous amount of power flowing to overcome the lack of concentration and focus. Besides that, trying to produce energy at that rate will tie you out very quickly and all you can do with diffuse energy like that is make lots of explosions.

So to counter that I forced my aura to invert, instead of just burning away all my power uselessly I forced it to change its state to naturally deposit everything I produced inside myself. My bright blue-white aura (which is very hard to see through by the way) compressed into a hard, skin tight shell. It became an inner and outer sheath for every cell in my body. In that state your power becomes your sword and your shield. When you get hit its that shell that takes all the force, not you. Because you are constantly converting that energy into kinetic force, whether its to fly, to augment your strength and speed, or to absorb impacts. And if you use any of that power for an actual spell or simple beams and bolts the only thing you have to worry about is refilling that pool. All the basic kinetic conversion simply shifts energy around inside you in a highly concentrated state. It never leaves you, and thus the bleed-off rate is miniscule for it. At that point you can amp down considerably because your pool shouldn't be draining very quickly. This keeps you from getting fatigued simply from running your energy. And I was very fatigued in that projection, I almost passed out from the strain of just the energy and I hadn't even done anything with it yet.

And so that's what I tried doing with my physical aura, inverting it to make it useful. But Its not exactly easy to do, and the fact that I was tired and groggy didn't help much. It feels like you're trying to pull it inside out, and its very stiff. I think I only managed to recurve it a bit, I got a fraction of that heavy, dense, solid feeling that I got in the projection. It would've been awesome if I did manage to do it, even for a second. After all I've simply been trying to recreate the feelings of using power but physically. Some of those feelings are very distinct, the feeling of dematerializing and rematerializing feels like... I dunno.... directed emptiness. You convert almost all of your mass to energy while pointing it in a direction with a set amount of kinetic energy. This effectively lets you teleport short distances. Its funny, this ability already exists in mainstream media. Its called Flash Step (or Shunpo) in the Manga/Anime “Bleach”. Sonido if you're an Arrancar :P

Surprisingly (or not) I've found lots and lots of examples of this old knowledge hidden in plain sight like that. I've noticed that in many cases the explanations I give are almost the same as something I'd see in like... Naruto, except that I go much more in depth and bring in physics if necessary.

I'd say Flash Step is a very accurate name, because it certainly feels like you “flash” for a moment and then you're in a different place. As much as I hate whats depicted in DBZ its also very much like Instant Transmission I guess although something like that isn't very suited to combat in my opinion. There's a lot that can go wrong or that can be taken advantage of when you dematerialize that much. For one, you can lose your sense of direction and location while transmitting and that can allow an opponent to instead get the drop on you if they're smart. Also, if you're somehow disrupted in that state it will scatter you like dust, thus killing you. Thus I prefer the “Flash Step” version because the state you put yourself in is reactive, and will just knock you out of the flash at worst if you're disrupted. You also retain some of your senses, enough to actually steer yourself.

Oh could go on about stuff like how you could pour your energy into a sword and use it as a mold and thus greatly enhance its sharpness and durability just like the shield does for your body. How you can create a tight, spinning “sheath” on the blade that you can then throw as a ranged attack because the spin keeps the sheath together in flight. I could go on about lots and lots of stuff but all of that was just because of my experience this morning and me thinking of the possibilities when I finally reach my goal. I'm done with being overly analytical with the energy, I don't need to collect data to deem if its possible anymore. I've proven that, even if its only for myself. Now I just try to treat it as normal.

I do hope whoever reads these notes does learn something useful from it. I use lots of combat examples because that's what I have experience with, but the energy can be used for anything. It's what you do with it that matters :)----

Unfortunately things like Italics didn't transfer it seems. I do hope I get some thoughtful questions on this stuff and not just a swarm of BS flags from people who maybe read a line or two then decided they knew better. Or even read the whole thing and then decided they knew better.

There is a story I heard once about a man in India who thought he was the smartest guy around, and heard that there was some other guy who was said to be smarter than him. Eventually he goes and meets this guy in China, and gets offered some tea while the guy is ranting and raving about how smart he is. The Chinese man starts pouring the tea, and when the cup is full he continues to pour and tea overflows all over the table. When the Indian man asks him why he's trying to pour tea into a full cup the Chinese man responds "Your head is like this cup, it is so full that nothing else can fit in it." And the Indian man realizes his foolishness and see's that he needs to "empty his cup" to let new knowledge flow in.

Not exactly the way I heard it but you get the idea.

Oh and just for fun I thought this song might also be not to bad for that dream.... Hey, I'm allowed to love what I do!