Monday, February 7, 2011

Things that don't kill you make you stronger? Yes, I'll agree with that!

On March 8, 2007 I lost my Mom. We were extremely close, as close as one can be with a Mom, she was a very kind, funny and loyal person. I wear her ring in memory of her, and I have mourned her now for almost 4 years. I know thru talking to others that I will never truly get over this loss, but in time the pain fades.

My health got worse ... Fibromyalgia and a degenerative bone disease, plus arthritis. My husband and I owned a bead store and due to the economy and my health issues, we closed in September of 2008. A few days before we closed, my little sister Laurie was diagnosed with breast cancer.

My older sister and I had had a falling after our Mom died. She was afraid of doctors, and refused to seek medical attention even though she knew she had breast cancer, too. Faye was a very private person and never even told her children she was ill. I received word of her illness six days before she died. I love her and will always love her. Even though she chose this unusual path, it was HER path and I respect her wishes. I just miss her terribly.

Laurie, my younger sister was separated from her husband, and had 3 teenagers. She was my best friend and we grew even closer over the next 18 months. She died in Hospice March 8, 2010. Three years to the day after Mom.

On May 30th, 2010, my Dad died. I can't describe adequately what it feels like to lose four of the most important, most loved people in your life at once. There have been times that I think I would rather be with them than here, but I have a wonderful husband of 32 years, and two great kids, and my Auntie Lola and Auntie Carol, my nephew Jeff and his wife, and Laurie's daughter Grace. They mean so much to me that I could never hurt them by ending my own pain.

So, in November I had a bad mammogram. I went back for more mammograms and they found small calcifications in my right breast. So I tried to get a biopsy done, but due to my own hysteria and being misled by Cancer Treatment Centers of America, it took a month just to wind up in a local surgeons office for a consultation. I have been considering a mastectomy since 2008, when Laurie was diagnosed. It was only reinforced by Faye's death. I explained this to the surgeon and he thought the calcifications had less than 10% chance of being cancer, and we both agreed that it seemed like it made more sense to go ahead with the mastectomy. He would have the pathology done on the tissue removed during the operation. So on January 12, 2011, I had a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. Imagine my surprise when about a week later he told me the pathology came back and I had breast cancer.

What are the odds that all three of us sisters would have breast cancer??? The surgeon reassured me that all the breast tissue was taken, and the cancer they found was very small and Insitu, so I was cancer free before I even knew I had cancer?

About 10 days ago I had to go back into surgery to remove necrotic (dead) tissue on both sides of my chest. That same day surgery was a breeze compared to the mastectomy. I am still recuperating.

My website is sadly neglected but as soon as he can, my husband will put up photos of beads that will be available for purchase. We are in the process of losing our home and I am unable to work, but there are many beads still for sale, just not up yet. I will also have him get the sold ones into the gallery.

So that's why the website is stagnant right now. I am hoping that we'll be able to get the beads up soon.