Facebook Terms of Service in Bro Speak

Facebook’s Terms of Service is long… really long. The crew over at Slacktory converted the entire TOS into ‘Bro Speak’.

All I can say after reading over the Bro Speak version of Facebook’s TOS is that I might have to go play beer pong now.

Here’s just a few snippets (because literally they converted the entire thing… I didn’t read it all):

1. Privacy

We give lots of fucks about your privacy, so we wrote this. Read it, so you know what the fuck we’re going to do with the shit you post, so you’re not all “Facebook, I had no idea!” when your shit is in our press releases. That way you know the deal when you’re deciding what to post.

Don’t put shit up that fucks with other people’s rights. Also, fuck you for making us spoonfeed you this instead of relying on common sense.

Seriously, we’re not joking about that last one. If you post shit that we think breaks these rules, we will terminate it with the extremest of prejudice. Oh, sure, you can appeal, and, uh, yup, says right here, that’ll definitely be a completely fair process.

Okay, look. We’re not bad guys, just a little strict. If you legit think people are taking your intellectual property (besides us, of course. Seriously, thanks again for letting us use it however we want, we really appreciate that) check out this page.

10. About Advertisements and Other Commercial Content Served or Enhanced by Facebook

There’s no way around it – we’re going to show you some ads. But we have a vision, and that vision is that we’ll show you ads that you actually want to see. Idealistic? Yes. Downright ludicrous? Maybe. But we like to dream big:

Sometimes we’re going to use your picture and your name in ads. Maybe we’ll tell your friends, “Hey guys! This guy over here likes this thing, shouldn’t you?” It makes people buy more shit if we trick them like that. Since we’re going to use your name and picture one way or the other, it’s probably better if you tell us how you do and don’t want it used.

Seriously, though, we promise not to tell advertisers anything about you without your permission. See? When you get to know us, we’re not so bad.

On the other hand, we don’t have to tell you shit, either. Sometimes you’ll see something that looks like an ad, but maybe it isn’t, and you’ll be like, “Is that an ad, Facebook?” and we’ll be like, “…Good question.”

17. Definitions

By “Facebook” we mean all the shit on our website, and also all the shit that we’ve branded with our logo or translated or made for phones and tablets and whatever, also the like buttons you see on other pages and anything you can download or will be able to download in the future. If you think it might be part of Facebook, but you’re not sure, it’s probably part of Facebook.

By “Platform” we mean all the shit that lets you people make your shit interact with Facebook.

By “information” we mean stuff about you. All the stuff about you. So much stuff about you.

About Paul Spoerry

I’m a groovy cat who’s into technology, Eastern Thought, and house music. I’m a proud and dedicated father to the coolest little guy on the planet (seriously, I'm NOT biased). I’m fascinated by ninjas, the Internet, and anybody who can balance objects on their nose for long periods of time.

I have a utility belt full of programming languages and a database of all my knowledge on databases... I practice code fu. Oh, I've also done actual Kung Fu, and have a black belt in Tae Kwon Do.