mE

I am a 27 year old social worker and doctoral student working on improving my fitness. This blogs is a place for me to write about my experiences with fitness and fitness communities as a fat , feminist woman with disabilities. Sometimes things might go off the topic of fitness but that is the general theme.

Posts Tagged ‘Running’

I’ve mentioned before on here having problems with foot pain, but let me try to give a history of how things went.

It started out with some pain in both heels of my feet, I looked up info and decided it sounded like plantar fasciitis and started doing some stuff to help that I found online. I did stretching, massage, I got this thing that you can freeze and roll under your foot, and I used kinesiology tape, particularly when running. I can’t remember when this started but… come to think of it, it must have been about 2 years or longer ago I think.

For awhile this worked pretty well and I was still running and not having major issues due to the pain. But then it started getting worse in my left foot and none of what I was doing was helping. It continued to get worse until I couldn’t run anymore because I ended up limping when I was running. Then I started limping just trying to walk on it. This started happening even when walking short distances, like the distance from my car into my desk at work.

I realized I needed to see a doctor, but that realization came about during a period when I didn’t have health insurance.

Then I had insurance but I was working during the day when doctors are available. So I waited until after I was able to take time off from my job (90 days from when I started) to make an appointment to see a doctor.

I finally got in to see my PCP about it and she had an x-ray done and referred me to a podiatrist.

The x-ray showed a heel spur and also a small tumor on my foot. When I got in to see the podiatrist he told me that the tumor thingy was nothing to worry about and most likely was unrelated to my pain. He said the pain was plantar fasciitis and that the PF actually causes the heel spur. He recommended icing it, stretching, super expensive insoles (I had been using some that were like $10 from the store, he had me buy brand that was $50/pair -_-), told me to always wear shoes in my house (boo), and had me get a night splint to wear. He also prescribe naproxen to be taken twice a day, and told me he could give me a cortisone injection. He said that he is usually hesitant to give the injection because he doesn’t want patients to think that the shot takes away the pain so that’s all they need, saying that the shot will wear off so you need to do the stretching and so on to resolve the underlying issue to keep it from coming back. However, since I had been doing stretching and all for months he said he would leave it up to me if I wanted to do the shot too. I said I did and he gave me a cortisone injection. He kept asking if I was ok throughout, because it takes awhile to slowly administer the whole dose, but I’m actually pretty good with needles and have a high pain tolerance. Didn’t bother me watching him do it either.

I chatted with him during it and told him about the last time I saw a podiatrist, years ago, for ingrown toenails. That doctor numbed my foot with a local anesthetic and started cutting into the flesh around my toenail and I could feel him cut into me. He gave me more anesthetic and asked if it hurt when I went to the dentist. Well, yeah, of course it hurts when I get stuff done at the dentist! Isn’t that why everyone hates going to the dentist? He informed me that actually I shouldn’t feel any actual pain after being administered a local anesthetic. Seriously blew my fucking mind! I seriously thought that experiencing pain even after a local anesthetic was normal, I thought it reduced the pain but didn’t realize it was supposed to completely eliminate pain. I’ve become a lot more vocal at the dentist now if I feel pain asking for more anesthetic!

Anyways, he said it would take about a day to feel the effects of the cortisone injection and sure enough a day or 2 late the pain was massively reduced. I was a bit disappointed that pain didn’t go away completely, but it was reduced to the point where I didn’t limp when walking. I could feel pain when walking, but not enough to impact my walking. But after a few days even that wore off.

I kept up with stretching, bought the expensive insoles, try to wear shoes in my house, and tried to wear the night splint but would end up taking it off halfway through the night because my food would start going numb.

I was supposed to follow up in 2 weeks but put the appointment on my calendar on the wrong day and then just kept forgetting to make appointments so I didn’t get back in until just the other day. I told him how things hadn’t improved much and my experience with the cortisone injection. He said that sometimes it takes building up the cortisone injection so he gave me a stronger dose. He was telling me how most people complain about getting the shot but I couldn’t feel it at all. Even though he would inject some and then go deeper, inject more, go deeper, inject more, and so on and it looked creepy how far that needle went into my foot, but only once did I feel any pinching type feeling from it, otherwise I wouldn’t even know he was doing it if I hadn’t been watching.

He told me to continue stretching and he looked at the night splint. He adjusted the straps and made them much looser, and told me that should make it better. I had the straps tight because I was trying to get my heel as close to being against it as possible but according to him I guess it’s ok with my heel isn’t against the bottom of it, it’s still more flexed that it normally would be while resting.

He also recommended that I start physical therapy, so I’ll be doing that soon.

This time the stronger cortisone injection actually has taken away the pain! I’m 2 days now with no pain when walking and it’s amazing!

Would be great if it lasted but I’m not expecting it will.

This pain is particularly rough this time of year. It’s getting nice out and I really want to go running again, but haven’t been able to yet. I’m hoping that finally all this stuff will get me to where I can walk without pain and then start back to running again eventually. Not sure how long it will take though.

My first introduction to Jillian Michaels, before I really knew about the biggest loser or anything related to that, was looking at workout videos that were available for streaming on Netflix years back and I tried one of hers, and I didn’t finish it because her mentality pissed me off so much. Specifically what pissed me off was she stated at one point something along the lines of “I know you feel like you’re dying, but you aren’t, so don’t stop”.

Image of Jillian Michaels with a quote “I want you to feel like you’re going to die.”

Excuse me?

Are you in my living room with me? Do you know my health background? What makes you talking to people you don’t know and can’t see qualified to actually say that none of those people are actually in danger if they push through feeling like they are dying?

That attitude and disregard for the well being of people so disgusted me that I couldn’t stand to finish the video with her. I later learned more about her and discovered that her entire fame as a trainer is based around a total disregard for the well being of others

This is also an attitude that I see often put forth in“fitspo”- encouragement to just push through no matter how awful you feel, and the insistence that feeling “bad” is always normal.

The truth is though, not all kinds of bad feelings during workouts are normal, ok, or safe! Pushing through some of that “I feel like I’m dying” can be dangerous! “I feel like I’m dying” sometimes is the precursor to death!

The thing is, not only can someone who doesn’t know us, what we are feeling, and what our health is, say for certain if we are really ok when we feel bad during a workout, sometimes we don’t know enough to make that judgment either!

I’m thinking about this now following my brand new diagnosis of asthma!

See, after a krav maga workout last week I started coughing, which is not very unusual for me. Though the coughing kept getting worse, was far worse than ever before. and lasted longer than usual. Maybe or maybe not related to me working out around others and feeling embarrassed to stop and take a breather when I felt like I couldn’t breath.

After this I started looking up info on coughing after workouts and talked with a few people about it, since like I said- it’s far from the first time I coughed following a workout. I’ve always before though just thought that was normal. One woman replied to me online telling me she was the same, until it was so bad she ended up in the ER and found out the coughing was not normal but rather asthma. Thankfully I got in to my pcp for the diagnosis and prescribed an inhaler before ending up in the ER.

It reminds me that sometimes feeling like you can’t breathe isn’t normal out of breath from a workout, sometimes it is a serious (if not treated) medical condition!

It is really dangerous that we have this mentality that workouts should make you feel like you are dying and the correct response is always just to “suck it up” and push through anything and everything no matter what. People absolutely can get hurt by this.

I did actually accomplish this one! Though it was not a very bold goal.I WILL actually do a tough mudder this year,

Nope.

School Goals:
Keeping my goals more reasonable this time around- obviously finish coursework and pass my quals are on the list, but my big goal is to submit something for publication. That’s it, keeping it simple right now.

Did not quite meet these. I didn’t finish all my coursework, and as such was not able to take my final qualifying exam in 2015. I did submit for publications though!

House Goals:
I will get my office set up soon, finally!

Yes! This is done. Though the last part just got finished (I got a desk chair, so I can actually use my desk! lol)

Other Stuff:
Learn something new this year.

hmm, I didn’t really accomplish this in any specific, planned way. I’ve learned things, for certain, but something that was really planned in terms of meeting this goal? No.

One big problem with my new year’s resolutions every year, is that I have a tendency to make them and forget about them until the next year- when I look at the list and go “didn’t do that!”

So this year, I am trying to make my goals specific, measurable, reasonable, and plan a way of tracking them throughout the year.

So coming up with my 2016 resolutions, I started with a list of vague goals I want to accomplish:

meditate more often

Spend more time on art

Lift more consistently

Learn krav maga

Declutter

Journal more often

After making this list I took each item and answered 4 questions for it:

I hesitate to make goals that have to be done EVERY day, but by making it daily but not requiring any amount of time each day I think this is realistic. Even if I only take 3 minutes to meditate, that still counts.

Spend more time on art

Why?

I enjoy it, it’s relaxing, it’s something I do just because I enjoy it. A more vague way of wording this goal could have been to spend more time doing things just because I enjoy them, but for me art/crafting is this thing.

Make it measurable/specific:

Work on art or crafting at least 1 hr each week.

How will I measure this?

Use onenote notebook to track this

Is this a realistic goal?

1 hour per week is realistic and not expecting to much. I can do one hour one day one a weekend, or 15 minutes 4 days out of the week, however works out.

Lift more consistently

Why?

I want to be stronger, it’s good for my health, and to be effective I need to be more consistent. Consistency is often a big struggle for me.

Make it measurable/specific:

Lift at least 3 days/week on average

How will I measure this?

Use onenote notebook/calendar to track this

Is this a realistic goal?

This one I have the most trouble trying to make it realistic. I want to say I will lift 4 days/week but I know I won’t always meet that. Even 3 days/week I might not always meet. I say average because it is realistic if I do 2 days one week, 4 days the next, as I’m able to, then my average still works out. I also want this to include any lifting, since I aim to be do it more often. I am working on trying to allow myself shorter workouts when necessary to at least be doing something even when I don’t have the time or energy for a long workout.

Learn Krav Maga

Why?

I have been wanting to for years, and this fits my general goal of learning of something new each year.

Make it measurable/specific

In January I will sign up with a membership

After I sign up, I will attend a class at least 3 times/month

How will I measure this?

Use onenote notebook/calendar to track this

Is this a realistic goal?

3 times/month should be a realistic goal. The most difficult part of this goal and what kept me from meeting it in the past will be the cost, but I’ve decided to make this a financial priority.

Declutter

Why?

I need to get my house cleaned up, I have to much stuff cluttering up my space, and I know that getting rid of things and having less clutter will be better for me mentally.

Make it measurable/specific:

I will get rid of at least one box of stuff each month

How will I measure this?

Keep a box in my house labeled for the month, at the end of the month it is donated.

Is this a realistic goal?

Yes. I have enough to get rid of more than 1 box each month, this should not be difficult to meet.

Journal More Often

For now I’m dropping this goal. I have too many already, and I need to keep my focus limited. The more I say I will do, the less likely I am to stay focused on all of them and achieve all of them. If I do well with other goals, this may be added later.

Actually, no school goals came to mind for me this year. School took a bit of a backseat this last semester for me, and I’m actually far happier with things now. So, as I figure out how to fit school in my life without sacrificing too much of my health on it, I’m not making any specific goals for school.

Actually, overall my goals for 2016 are things related to improving my health, in particular my mental health. I think I have made a lot of improvement on that front lately, and I plan to continue to improve there. I do think what works for me most of the time with new year’s goals is actually looking at what already works or is going well and setting goals that build on or continue those things.

For most of these goals I plan to use onenote to track them and ensure I am actually paying attention to them more than just one the first of next year. I have been using onenote to track workouts already, and it’s been very effective so I will use that method for other goals as well.

Also no goals related to running because I still can barely walk due to pain, so I have no idea when I will be able to return to running, or even walking more. I saw my PCP about my foot, had an x-ray which showed a heel spur and a tumor. Now I have to follow up with a podiatrist about the results and hopefully come up with something that will allow me to walk, and hopefully run, without such severe pain.

I have been pretty inactive recently. Runs been cancelled due to weather a few times, but I’ve also been dealing with some depression that had me not working out so much.

Finally went out for another run yesterday morning and was going to do just another short 1 mile run. I made it 1.5 blocks running before my calves were cramping up so badly I slowed to a walk. Walked a bit further on but then turned around and headed home- fully limping by the time I was headed home.

I walked a mile to and a mile from a street fair during the evening yesterday/today and just walking felt very difficult. My walk there I don’t think I was really limping, but slow with an uneven gait. Walking around the event it got worse until I was limping, and the walk home was slow and limping. Calves and arms started cramping up, which has me wondering if my potassium is low. If not I don’t know what the hell is going on because that’s certainly not normal for me.

Of course it’s not just running, but I haven’t done a whole lot of lifting recently either. And despite not doing much of anything after my non-run yesterday morning I somehow injured my shoulder.

Since I’ve been blogging about my runs and more specifically am supposed to be blogging about my experiences running with the Fat Girls’ Guide to Running clubhouse, I felt obligated to make this post, but I really don’t have much more to say. Training has not gone well recently, and so I will be working to get back at it more often.

I also may lay off running for awhile and do more walking instead, depending how things go/how I feel.

Though if there is anything of importance to say in this post I think it’s this: this in many ways really gets to the heart of my approach to working out- thing get in the way. I am never going to be perfectly consistent, and I am not going to make that the goal. Sometimes I won’t be as active as other times, but I will not feel like because I wasn’t so active these last couple weeks that this defines how active I will be in the coming days, weeks, or months. Everytime my activity level takes a dip I will accept that for what it is and just work on getting it back up again. Everytime, without self-chastisement, without making promises to myself that it will never happen again when I know I can’t keep that promise. Things will always happen, but I will not let that discourage me from the long term focus on staying active.

I was planning to get in 3 runs last week but after the Wednesday running group I couldn’t walk without limping until today. Feet still hurting, but I decided to go out for a short 1 mile run (plus warm up walk and cool down walk) after my OHP workout today.

OHP’s didn’t go great. I find it very hard to make progress on them and was feeling very weak during the workout.

So then out for my run. Not used to measuring my runs in distance. Had runkeeper set to repeat .5 mile run with a warm up and cool down. So warm up walk, then I get the notification for my first .5 mile run. After the first block of running I’m thinking “how far is a mile? Am I almost done? I don’t think I can run this whole distance.” But shortly after 5 minutes ish in I was feeling better about it.

Notification for the second .5 mile run which meant time to turn around and head home. About 2 blocks in, I stop for a car- this time of night/morning the lights are blinking reds or blinking yellows and no sidewalk crossing signals, so I just wait for cars to clear. Except even after I wave for him to go, he is still stopped at the light with no traffic. Ok, I’ll cross then. As I’m in front of him I hear the person honk. I finish crossing and take out my headphones, but I don’t hear anything at first, then dude pulls slowly around a bit and next to me and says something I can’t hear, so I walk back a bit and ask what he said. He says something about working out together, and wanting to meet new people. So I respond “you want to workout with me?” He says yes, says he walks in the mornings and it would be nice to have someone to walk with. Then he says “or do you have a boyfriend?” I ask him if he’s looking for a walking buddy or a date. I don’t have a boyfriend but I also don’t typically date men. He says he just wants a walking buddy but wouldn’t want to be talking to me if I have a boyfriend.

… So you just had to check if another man owns me or not before talking to me?

So that’s new!

So I went back to my running, thinking how I won’t be able to have an accurate sense of my pace during the mile now.

Though I was a bit confused how doing .5 out and .5 back the second .5 was a full block longer than the first somehow o_0 What’s with that runkeeper?

I am now back to limping :-\

I’ve also been out of kinesiology tape for awhile. Hopefully once I get some more and go back to taping I won’t be limping between runs like this.

Me right after I got home. Feeling terrible. And wearing my “Don’t Judge Just Run” shirt (says “I follow the Fat Girls’ Guide to Running” on the back).

So I went to a running group today at the local lgbtq community center. The group just started last week and I saw it on facebook an hour too late last week. I was already from that point planning to go this week, and it worked out pretty well because Julie choose a social run for the goal this week with The Fat Girls’ Guide To Running Clubhouse. That worked perfectly for me!

Though it was not incredibly social.

Initially I planned to walk there and back since the community center is walking distance from my house, but that plan changed because I was running late and also I wasn’t sure till the last minute what I wanted to carry with me so driving meant I could leave stuff in my car last minute.

So I got to the center right about at the start time, said hi to a volunteer I know, and then met 2 people there. I was incredibly nervous, nervous meeting new people, nervous because I’m not familiar with running groups, nervous because I’m a “bad” runner. Nervous even though the group specifically states it is open to runners and walkers of all abilities, which did make me feel more at ease but not to the point of not being nervous at all. We waited a little bit and just before heading out 3 other people showed up, so there were 6 of us total. The group offers a 3 mile route and a 6 mile route, though this time everyone was doing the 3 mile. The woman who organized it says she is doing just the 3 miles because she already ran once today and was not feeling well. So if 3 miles of running for her second run of the day is what she’s doing because she’s not feeling well, she is definitely way above me in running ability.

I also carried a bag with me with a water bottle which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I don’t really run long enough usually to need to carry water with me- particularly since I run at night when it’s cooler with no sun on you. But with it being warm out and sunny, and me sweating from the heat before I even started the run, I wanted water to avoid ending up dehydrated (though I was the only one to carry anything with me).

The 3 people who showed up right as we were heading out were planning to walk, the other 2 planning to run, and me hoping to run as much as I could. So I started out at a pace with the other 2 runners but it was only about a block before I was falling behind even at a running pace. I fell far behind the 2 runners, and was still ahead of the 3 walkers, so I did the 3 miles by myself. It really didn’t feel much like being part of a group at all. Though that wasn’t entirely too bad, felt less pressure. Also didn’t have to try and talk which is good because I’m far too busy trying to breath while running to talk lol.

But since I went out planning it to be social, I also had no headphones in for music or an audiobook. So it was a bit boring.

I was a half mile in until I remembered that I forgot to set up runkeeper tracking before I left. It seemed silly to start it half a mile in so I didn’t. I didn’t touch or look at my phone the whole time. Which was also unusual for me, because I had no real measure of how long or far I was walking or running at any point.

I started out kind of bored and uncomfortable. I had several people in cars, yards, or standing on the street say things to me- all friendly. One dude told me “run, lady! run!” I guess that could be taken positively or not, I choose to interpret it as encouragement. Still I’m a bit uncomfortable with people yelling encouraging things at me. Something that happens less at night and if it does happen I can’t hear it because of headphones.

For the first while I did very short running and walking intervals. Was trying to stick with the 60 second rule of slowing to a walk for no more than 60 seconds at a time. Though counting it myself is unreliable. I got better with time at getting myself to run further distances by doing the “run to that fire hydrant/street/sign/tree” and then changing it to a different object ahead once I got there. Around 1.5 miles in though I gave up on the 60 second rule because I was starting to feel ill and so decided I would walk as long as I needed to. I don’t know what made me feel that way- just bad tolerance for the heat? electrolyte imbalance? I headed out with my 64 ounce bottle of water filled up and it was near empty by the end, so I don’t think I was dehydrated. Or maybe it was the fault of running after a short fasting period? (hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours when I headed out). Though I’ve run before during longer fasting periods with no trouble, but then not in the same conditions (sun and heat).

from 1.5 miles until 2 miles I was still running a fair bit though slowing to a walk when I felt ill and walking till it passed. The last mile I mostly walked, and the last half mile ish was entirely walking at a very slow crawling pace.

By 2 miles in I REALLY had to pee (sorry tmi), so that was the biggest factor for my lack of running at the end. I can’t run when I have to pee. I’ve heard people complain about men who just pull their dick out in public to pee in bushes when they are out running and have to go, during this run I was definitely jealous of the ease with which they can!

Was about an hour and 5 minutes total when I got back to the center and rushed to the bathroom (which btw some group was congregated at the door and when I walked in I heard someone say “can’t someone lock the doors?” The fuck!?! It was over an hour and a half before the center closes. There was a person leaning against one of the doors and I opened the other one so she wouldn’t fall, no one was leaning against the door I opened. I don’t understand how you wanting to congregate at the doors to the building should mean locking them to other people during hours the center is open. I was more angry about this than normally reasonable because of how badly I needed to pee and thus how bad it would have been for me if they had locked the doors to avoid the inconvenience of someone entering the building while they were congregated at the door.)

I didn’t see either of the runners when I got back to the center, but when I came out from the bathroom the walkers were there so they were not far behind me it seems (no surprise). One of them said “we did it!” and high fived me, we exchanged a small bit of small talk while walking out of the building and that was all. I am worried I didn’t come across as super friendly at that point but I felt so terrible it was hard to focus on anything except how much I wanted to just collapse somewhere.

I was so glad I drove because I felt like I was going to vomit any minute on the drive home.

It wasn’t even that it felt like a grueling workout though. I think it was mostly the heat/sun. Definitely feels different running during the day.

So even though it didn’t really go great, hopefully it keeps going on and I can keep attending 🙂 And I’m also really glad to have gone, met people, and got out of my comfort zone in many ways.

My “guns” may not look impressive, but I was feeling strong regardless 🙂

I really like blogging about my runs after I do them. Strangely though, while I like lifting more, I don’t talk about it as much here. For some reason I just rarely have much to say about my lifting workouts.

So that said: bench workout today! got up to 90lbsx5. which felt good. Did some assistance stuff too. … see, normally this is all I would have to say.

The only thing I have to say about lifting today though is that I’ve been thinking about resting. I know that I should not compare myself to others and so on, but I do sometimes. On fitocracy I see other people do these crazy long lifting workouts- well, they seem crazy long to me at least. And yet, even the shortest lifting workout for me takes forever to get through. 2 squat workouts ago all I did was the basic part of my program with no assistance lifting. Which meant I did a brief warmup (I’ve been doing jumping jacks and body weight squats), then 3 sets of warm up weight barbell squats, then 3 working sets (5 resp, 3 reps, and 1 rep respectively)… well, I take that back, I actually did 4 because the 200lbsx1 felt good enough that I decided to do it twice, then just a short bit of stretching and foam rolling. Still that took me somewhere around 45 minutes. Changing plates and resting between sets adds up (and it actually depends how I’m feeling whether I decided to count the changing plate time as part of my rest time or not).

I also sometimes get antsy during rests between sets because I just want to lift. I also know I could fit in more if I supersetted stuff instead of literally just resting between sets. But that also means I would be getting less actual rest.

And the thing is, I can tell I lift better when I get enough rest between sets though. If I don’t rest long enough I will end up failing sets, which will result in less strength, which will result in not lifting as heavy over time. Which is not my goal.

I’ve been asking myself- do I just rest longer than other people? Though between sets my rests are 90 seconds to 5 minutes depending how heavy/hard the last lift was, which from what I’ve read is not unusual for heavy lifting.

Basically I find myself mentally caught between what I know helps me meet my goals, and envy over other people who manage these really long looking workouts that would probably take all day.

Of course I can never help but wonder how much my health may play a role in this. Dealing with fatigue issues as I do, it seems entirely plausible to me that rest between sets is more important for me, or that I do need to err on the higher side of rest times because of that. I can’t say for certain if that is a factor, but it seems very possible to me that it would be.

So I just have to work though to remember that whatever the reason, I know rest for me is important for lifting heavier.

After my bench workout today I also did sprints. Not immediately after. I changed clothes because my lifting clothes aren’t good running clothes, drank a protein shake, put on music and danced around my living room while my phone charged up a bit more. Then I went out to do sprints. It was raining when I went out but not heavily and I thought “I’m not going to let a little rain stop me!”

So- holy shit it has been over a month since I’ve done sprints!

I could feel it, I was obviously not used to it. I did the same intervals I’ve been doing- 5 minute warm up walk, (30 second sprint, 2 minutes walking) 6 times, 5 minutes cool down walk.

So first run interval, I went all the fuck out! And hurt my shoulder, apparently I was moving my arms too much. And remembered that I normally don’t go so all out on the first sprint so I still have energy for the others.

Rain was getting heavier and I ended up with rain water in my eye and OH GOD IT BURNED!!!!! The fuck is the rain? Normally I would have blamed it on makeup or something but I was wearing none. Maybe sweat but I get sweat dripping in my eyes during workouts all the time, my sweat does not burn my eyes.

Second sprint was slower but still trying to give it my all.

Third sprint I was exhausted.

Rain was still getting heavier.

Fourth sprint I felt dead. Just trying to walk after was difficult. Also took off my glasses since they were no longer serving any purpose in that rain (though I hate running without them because I cannot see well and it makes me nervous because I easily would not be able to see a dip, hole, or bump in the sidewalk.)

Fifth sprint was quite slow, but I was so exhausted. By the end of that I was really struggling to keep down my protein shake.

Sixth sprint was just a touch faster than the 5th but still slow. Then I got to walk the rest of the way home.

Nothing to exciting, but yay sprints! Though I need to get around to setting up a runkeeper workout with distance based intervals instead of time, because I do prefer to measure in distance.

Oh, and my plan for tomorrow is to go to a local running group, which I am a bit nervous about. Hope it goes well! I will definitely post about how it goes (crossing my fingers something doesn’t cause me to miss it). I get really anxious about things like this. Especially combining two thing that make me feel anxious-meeting up with a group of strangers, and working out around/with other people.

Selfie right at the beginning of my cool down walk, feeling really good.

From an outside perspective there is nothing particularly noteworthy about my run today, but I feel FUCKING PROUD!

It was Saturday (after midnight as I type this though), so last day to get in the last reboot. Though I was fucking exhausted!

I was putting off the run because of that. I did not feel at all capable of running, so I told myself… numerous times actually, that I would just go out and walk the 30 minutes. A walk is surely not to much to manage!

Still I got dressed for running in case I decided to run a little bit on my way out. Set up my runkeeper for 2 times of 10 minutes running with a 5 minute warm up and a 5 minute cool down. Third reboot run is 15 minutes out, turn around and head back. Thus, 5 minute warm up, 10 minute run, runkeeper notifies me when that is over and moving into the next 10 minutes so I know to turn around, and then 5 minute cool down walk… or however long to get back to my house.

So I head out telling myself if I walk the whole time, that is ok.

5 minute warm up walk felt ok, so when I got the notification for 10 minute running I thought, ok, I will run some. Maybe I’ll do some short intervals of running and walking through the 20 minutes of running.

I was really slow running… or at least, I felt slow. I felt like I was moving at a slower pace than usual pace for me- spoiler, but runkeeper says this was a lie- I was actually at a good pace for me! But despite feeling very slow, it also felt comfortable. I can’t explain it unfortunately, I was actually not putting much though into form at all, but I feel like somehow being as exhausted as I was I fell into a running pacing and form that had me using less energy to move forward.

So I told myself I would run at least 1 minute and then I could walk-maybe 1 minute running, 1 minute walking throughout. I didn’t look at the time on my phone though, and felt like I was probably a minute in and told myself I could keep going and to try going further. Around this time I focused more on distance. Following my current usual route a 5 minute warm up walk and 5 minutes of slow running takes me to the end of on the cemeteries near me.

So I will try to run 5 minutes, which means the end of the cemetery. It is, again, easier for me when I think about distance than time.

I also was listening to my Wheel of Time audiobook, which I find much better to run to than music. I get into an audiobook more than a lot of my music. A good portion of my run was a part of the book from Elaida’s perspective (I’m on book 7) which lead to me saying “fuck you” and giving my phone the middle finger, lol. I might look silly, but getting into a story makes it easier to get my mind off the running!

So I was coming up to the end of the cemetery which was my 5 minutes and switched over from distance to time. If I just ran 5 minutes it would be nothing to do just another 3 minutes, right? I can manage another 3 minutes. That gives me 8 minutes of running then I can do a few minutes of walking before I do some more running on the way back.

8 minutes into running I might as well just run the whole way out (10 minutes), I can walk a little after that but I will run the whole 10 minutes out.

10 minutes running done, time to turn around and head home. Might as well not stop now!

I use this technique a bit and from what I hear from other runners it is a common one- sort of tricking yourself into continuing to keep going by setting short goals and saying you can stop then, but then constantly pushing those goal posts further.

Of course, there is a weird aspect of this that when you know you are doing it, you know it’s not true. You know the goal is not actually just to do another minute, or get to that tree, or whatever.

And that was me on my way back. I still sort of was telling myself small goals, but I know within the first few seconds of turning around that at that point, my real goal was to run the whole 10 minutes back. Back to the edge of the cemetery was about 5 minutes. Getting to that point felt good. I felt like if I could get there, I could run the rest of the cemetery (plus about another block) to get in that full 10 minutes. I was slow, my feet hurt a bit, and my calves were starting to get sore, but I kept going. By the time I was at the end of those (second) 10 minutes (20 minutes running total) I felt good. \

Actually my thought when runkeeper told me it was time for my cool down was “no way! I could keep going like this all night!” For real. Me. I thought that!

But I also told myself that that was not the planned workout for tonight and I slowed to my walk. Took the selfie at the top of this post. Though I was slower back than out so the cool down walk was a bit over 5 minutes.

I’ve actually heard some other runners talk about how the first 10 minute or so are always a struggle for them, that it always feels unbearable- even from people who are running half and full marathons! But that after that they start to get into the zone of it and it’s easy to do the rest. And i guess that is sort of what I experience.

Not that I can guarantee I will continue to feel this way with runs.

Still, I feel really good about this one!

This is also part of why I want to do more walking, because I know getting out even if just for walking makes it easier to run.

Also I recently have been feeling a bit down with my running- last summer I was running longer distances than I am now. So I feel a bit down that with my inconsistent bits of running all this summer, I’m covering much shorter distances than I was. But then I remember that on the other hand, I’m also faster this summer! I don’t feel it, but my trackers say I am!

I actual set a pace PR during the first 10 minutes of running (for that length of time of course)- if by only 1 second/mile. I came in at 15:59 minutes/mile. A very slow running speed but actually pretty good for me. (It was 16:40 minutes/mile for the 20 minutes combined btw.)While I was hitting that and faster speeds for brief periods last summer, my running was usually averaging only around 19-20 minutes/mile. For me that is the same pace as a fast walk . Back then I wasn’t moving any faster by running, just moving differently. I’m marginally faster than a walking pace now at least! So that helps me feel better. Even if my distance isn’t what it was, my speed is better.

My trying to smile right after the workout (before stretching and foam rolling)

So the second reboot run with Fat Girls’ Guide to Running, this time the run is meant to be just slightly longer- travel out 12 minutes and turn around and head back the same way.

I was actually planning initially to just go for a walk, of course was planning it to be Thursday but didn’t get out until after midnight, thus technically Friday. I am going to try to go for more walks in addition to my runs in order to get me more consistent in getting out the door. Technically the reboot specifies just travelling, and it can be walking. But the end goal is being more consistent in my running, so I wanted to use all the planned reboot runs as runs. So when I looked at the calendar and realized the week was nearly over with me needing 2 more reboot runs still, I decided I needed to run, not just walk.

Of course I was not feeling very up to it. Thursday morning I had meetings on campus and just walking around there felt so awful. Plantar fasciitis has been extra bad recently, so there is that. Combined with my legs not wanting to move from still being super sore from squats Tuesday (though side note, so happy to be making progress on those! Squatted 200lbs Tuesday and it actually didn’t feel bad at the time… though the DOMS later!)

After I got home from campus I was planning to workout but ended up lying around on my couch for awhile instead too tired to do anything at all. Eventually got some dinner and then took a nap. It was after midnight by the time I woke up, and was feeling much better and able to actually do some workouts.

So like last time I included warm up and cool down walk in the out and back timing. I headed out with runkeeper set for a 5 minute warm up walk, 7 minutes running which will give me notification at the end for when to turn around, and then another 7 minute run, and cool down walk.

One thing that was in the Fat Girls’ Guide to Running reboot description was an idea that is new to me- to allow that you can walk whenever you want, but only for 60 seconds at a time. So I decided that was my plan for my running. I would slow to a walk if I wanted, but for not longer than 60 seconds at a time. The first time I slowed to a walk it was for only about 10 seconds, but as soon as I went back to running I realized I needed to amend the rule for myself. My amended rule was that after walking I had to run for at least 60 seconds. Because immediately after starting into a run I want to slow down and walk again.

But my 60 second minimum rule seemed to work well for me because 1 minute seems the right length of time I need to feel like “ok, I can keep going”. I slowed for a walk again during my first half, this time for about 30 seconds, then back to running. 7 minutes up I headed back toward my house, slowed to a walk I think 3 times during the 7 minute run back, about 30 seconds each until the last one when I used my whole minute of walking. Cool down walk ended up being slightly over 5 minutes though as I was a bit slower on my way home.

Side note: I should be starting a new job soon, and so anxious to get started with it! And already making mental lists of things I need to buy once I have a steady income again. The top things on that list are all workout related.

Kinesio tape- I’ve been out awhile and it does make a huge difference.

New vibrams running shoes! The blisters from mine definitely make running harder.

New sports bras! Not that mine even bad, but more is good. And more specifically I want some front-closure sports bras. I am so over pull on style sports bras. I do not enjoy putting that much effort into just getting dressed for a workout. Since the band part needs to be snug around my ribcage… and thus smaller than the places I needs to be pulled over. Back clasp bras are better than pull over ones, but still, I am coming to hate sports bras even though they are necessary, so I want ones that are as simple as possible to get in and out of.

Anyways, back to the workout- I actually suppose I didn’t need to cool down after my run since it was not the end of my workout. I decided to start with that, then do deadlifts (deload week), and short complex that included OHP so I’m counting that as my OHP deload (as it was basically the same weight as my deloads would be). While working on being more consistent for running (and walking), I also want to make sure it does not interfere with my lifting. So it was important to me to get the deload/complex workout in as well as the run.

Then stretching and foam rolling.

Looked on youtube for foam rolling videos for the first time ever and found one that taught me a lot of new ways to roll areas and it was really great! Especially the shin rolling. Never done that before and my shins were so tight, it felt great!

Habit is the part I have the biggest trouble with. I lose track of time and somehow it’s been a week or longer since my last run, making progress super slow.

So the first run proposed for this was to head out and travel for 10 minutes, turn around and go back the way you came, with whatever mix of walking or jogging.

Now I normally warm up and cool down with 5 minutes of walking each and I don’t feel comfortable not doing that, so I had 2 options- not consider my warm up/cool down traveling time, so I do 5 minute warm up walk, 20 minutes running, and a 5 minute cool down walk, or count it and do a 5 minute warm up walk, 10 minutes of running, then 5 minute cool down walk.

And another selfie after I got inside showing off my Fat Girls Guide to Running Shirt, which seemed appropriate for the day when literally half my time was spent walking.

I decided on the latter. I averaged about 19 min/mile total, at around 16 min/mile during the run and much slower during the walk (so about 22 min/mile during the walk). And covered a little over 1 mile in the process.

It was fun to go out and do a just really short, quick run. Also even though it was a short time it felt good to just run the whole distance between warm up and cool down. Was also nice to know it was short distance when I went outside and felt drenched in sweat before I even started because of how incredibly hot and humid out it was! I am so not a fan of this weather.

Listened to my book of time audiobook during which is much more interesting than music I think.

Pretty uneventful.

Thinking of doing more walks just to get in the habit of going out for something more regularly.

I am now too tired to keep my eyes open while writing this, so goodnight y’all!