life

I figured I’d keep up with this breastfeeding journey since literally feeding consumes my life. All day there is a baby attached to me for some reason. I guess I don’t mind though cause he’s cute… And he doesn’t have teeth yet. LOL. A little glimpse into what breastfeeding has been like for me for the first two weeks…

The first week was the worst week of my life. He had a really poor latch at birth and when they tell you that a bad latch can lead to sore, cracked nipples… #jesustakethewheel… You don’t ever want to experience that.

The lactation consultants at the hospital were crap. No one was able to help or explain to me how to get a GOOD latch. So the whole first week if it looked like he was eating I just didn’t bother him. Big no-no. And I didn’t see a good lactation consultant until his 1st checkup.

Because we both (me and baby) had no idea what we were doing I ended up supplementing with formula for like… 2 days. I thought he had nipple confusion from using a pacifier.. Which I then blamed on everyone in my house because I didn’t want him having it. And the latch got so bad that it was a fight late at night to feed him so I gave up. For 2 days I thought it was over for me feeding my baby.

My right nipple split completely open during the second week. To the point where I worried that my baby would become a vampire cause it was bleeding slightly and I didn’t want him to like the taste of blood more than the taste of breast milk. #dramaqueen

But on a positive note it really does establish a different type of bond between you and the baby. Despite bleeding and the immense pain and the frustration during the first week .. I love the fact that I have something no one else can give my son. I love watching him and talking to him while I’m feeding him. I just love him. #obsessedmama

On 10|23|14 (2 weeks and 5 days early) I gave birth to the most amazing little person I have ever met! Didn’t I tell you guys he’d be an October baby? And at 2 weeks (and a day) old I am more in love than I have ever been!

Being a mommy is amazing and I’m truly loving every minute of it. People look at me like I’m absolutely crazy when they ask if I’m exhausted/tired and I say no. Cause I’m not. I don’t feel like I’m truly sleeping any less than I was before. Chalk it up to my past insomnia. And I actually LOVE the moments we’re up at night. He only wakes up twice during the night and I use that time (while breastfeeding) to kiss every little finger and toe… & stare at his big eyes.. & tell him my dreams for us. It’s probably the only time I’m not sharing him so I soak up every minute of it. It also probably helps that he’s such a good baby. He only cries when he’s naked… which makes me wonder if he was switched at birth because in my heart of hearts I’m a nudist lmao.

All in all, I’m loving being a mommy. So to everyone who thought my excitement wouldn’t last past pregnancy…. You were wrong *sticks tongue out*

Lemme just start off with a beautiful cliche disclaimer: Pregnancy is a beautiful thing. To know life is growing inside of you is amazing and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world right now.

Now that that’s out of the way…. I’ll say it. I’m over it. I’m approaching 30 weeks in a couple days and I want this kid out (not really I want him to be as healthy as possible when he’s born)!!! Who told me I could do this?! I’m not built for this! LOL. Pregnancy does so much to your body that NO amount of reading can prepare you for. Thank God for YouTube! If I didn’t learn so much from there, my doctor would block my number from the amount of times I call her to make sure something is normal.

I am now in the glorious third trimester of pregnancy where everything just seems to get bigger by the day. And by everything… I mean none of the important things that they tell you will get bigger. Like where are these great boobs I was supposed to get? Whomp! BabyLove is literally taking everything and I am ALL belly. I don’t mind because I love him to pieces and I know he needs everything he can get but geesh… A little boob never hurt anyone! LMAO. Before pregnancy I was 100 pounds… At almost 29 weeks I was 121! Sounds like nothing to some people but when you’re used to being THAT tiny all of your adult life… I feel like I’m doing a never ending gym workout. And don’t get me started on breathing! I actually went to triage at the hospital two weeks ago because this baby is SO big and I am SO tiny that he’s literally squishing my lungs and making it hard for me to catch my breath even laying down (I also can’t get too full because then the pressure from my stomach PLUS baby take up too much space in there)! I was worried about the amount of oxygen he was getting but of course the little brat was fine in there! But breathing is an everyday struggle that I still sometimes panic about because I have a history of asthma and you never forget the feeling of not being able to catch your breath.

All in all though OTHER than not being able to breathe and wondering where my boobs are.. I’m thankful to God that I’ve had an easy pregnancy. I have nothing to complain about (though hormones always help me find something) and I’m just anxiously awaiting the little prince’s arrival and mentally preparing for motherhood.

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I am getting an instant migraine just thinking about it. With only about 17 weeks (God I hope!) until BabyLove is here, things are starting to move super fast. Naturally, people keep asking about the words I’m beginning to dread hearing. I feel like if one more person asks me about a baby shower I’m going to burst into tears at this point.

And you would think this onslaught of waterworks would be due to the fact that I’m not going to have one. But nope, the problem is everyone wants to have one, and everyone wants to do their own thing. “Too many Chiefs and not enough Indians” in my dad’s words LOL. Logic for me says one baby shower. Even though my boyfriend and I are not married, both his and my family are our son’s family. I don’t view my baby as having separate families. In my head when I think about my family I don’t separate them by where they are or which parent they came from they’re all my family.

And getting some people to understand that logic for some reason just isn’t happening. I live with my grandmother, my mother lives with her husband, my dad lives separately also… that’s 3 different “families” on my side alone and that doesn’t even include my boyfriends side. I just don’t think it’s logical to want separation because that’s definitely not how the baby is going to grow up.

I hate hurting people’s feelings but we all need to get it together, or someone is going to lose out. And it won’t be me of course because well… he’s mine! LOL.