Longhorns playing like piglets in this Bizarro World

I spoke to a couple Atascocita High School journalism classes this week and in one class I told them about how upset Mack Brown was when I described the Texas Longhorns as patsies, following a 63-14 spanking Oklahoma put on his squad.

Brown couldn’t believe I would list UT alongside Arkansas State as a weakling on OU’s schedule. I pointed out to him that that was indeed a bit unfair, because Arkansas State had put up a better fight against the Sooners that season.

He was, to put it mildly, a bit peeved.

I thought it was funny.

The next year when Texas prepared to take its then annual beat-down at the hands of the Sooners, Brown admitted that his team was a bit on the soft side the year before.

AHS journalism teacher Monica Rhor told me that one of her students included that tidbit in a class assignment about my visit, but the student thought I had said the Longhorns played like piglets, not patsies.

Well, welcome to 2010.

At the risk of offending all those fine piglets, who will grow up to be slices of bacon on breakfast plates of yours truly, the mighty Longhorns played like piglets Saturday against Iowa State, which entered with the 112th-ranked defense, 104th-ranked offense and had lost to Oklahoma 52-0 the week before.

Brown wasn’t happy.

This time Brown didn’t wait a year to chastise his team. He did so in the locker room immediately after the game.

“I told the players it’s hard to figure out whether you blame coaches or players,” Brown said after the game. “The players didn’t get ready to play, and it’s the coaches’ job to get them ready to play.

“You can blame whoever you want. It doesn’t matter. It’s everybody’s fault. It’s called a team for a reason. It’s called a family for the same reason. It’s everybody’s fault. I come in here and blame me — obviously, it’s all of us. We can blame players. It doesn’t do any good. All you can do is bench them.”

Tell them they played like piglets. It might help.

• • •

Has 2010 dropped us into some sort of Bizarro World?

The Rangers are in the World Series, Baylor is going bowling, the Texans are in first place, Iowa State beat Texas (in Austin no less), Oregon is the No. 1-ranked team in the country, Boise State might be the best football team in the land and TCU is the best team in the State of Texas.

I would have included the fact that the Cowboys are in last place on that list, but as storied a tradition as they have, that happens more often than any of the above.

Not that they will finish in last place this season, but the Cowboys have finished in last place in their division three other times in the past 10 years. (OK, at 6-10 they were in a three-way tie for second place in 2006, but technically that was last place.)

The Rangers, Texans, Iowa State, Oregon and Boise State are all experiencing firsts.

It took the Rangers only 39 years to advance to their first World Series. (The Astros’ Fall Classic-free streak lasted 44 years.)

The Texans haven’t been around that long, but let’s celebrate this first-place status now, before the trip to Indianapolis next Monday night.

Before last week, the Ducks had never held the top ranking in the Associated Press poll, which has been around since 1936. Boise State has never been ranked as high as the No. 2 ranking they were in each of the three major polls (AP, USA Today coaches’ poll and Harris poll) last week.

TCU has been the best in Texas before.

Of course, the last time was probably 51 years ago. We’ll give them that one. Despite finishing below Texas in the polls, the co-champs in the Southwest Conference beat the No. 2-ranked Longhorns on the field (in Austin no less).

That was the last major conference championship for the Horned Frogs.

They were in that ridiculous, everybody-including-your-mama-gets-a-trophy-and-orange-slices-for-participating five-team tie for first place in the SWC in 1994, but unbeaten, probation-laden Texas A&M was the best team in the state that year by a wide margin.

Baylor has been bowling many times but has not been to a postseason game since 1994, when Atascocita’s aspiring journalists were toddlers.