*hesitantly peeks out from underneath virtual rock*

Hi everyone! So it’s been a while. I’ve been neglecting this blog so much and I’ve realized that I really want to make this a regular thing. I want this to be a place where I can express myself and my writing. Ya know, my own little corner of the interweb. ;D

So I figured y’alls deserved an explanation for my unannounced and abrupt hiatus, plus I really wanted to try doing a life update post, just because I want to make this blog a bit more personal. I may change the setup of these life updates, but I hope to do them every month or so. 😀

SEPTEMBER: Life Update

School

So I attend a little Bible College near my house. My major is Biblical studies and I’m hoping to minor in Intercultural Studies and Apologetics. I started my bachelors degree last year in winter time (I was homeschooled so I graduated high school in the summer of that year).

So my school works on a quarter system; therefore there are four semesters (quarters) each year. Each quarter is 11 weeks. Because of this, instead of taking four classes each quarter like at a college that works on a semester system, I take two. Since there are four quarters, I end up taking the same amount of classes someone attending a semester college would in a year. If I took four classes I’d be doing double; the only reason I don’t do that is simply so I don’t get overwhelmed and am able to concentrate on other aspects of my life, as well.

Anyway, September was the start of the fall quarter and I am taking a class called Biblical Study of Prayer and a New testament survey class.

On to: Big Events (a.k.a. anything that is extra than day to day life)

In the very beginning of September, my family and I went to visit some friends in AL. It was a somewhat enjoyable time, in that I was able to see my best friend, whom I haven’t seen in a year. However, it was also pretty eye opening, because I was going back to a place that as a kid, I had idealized, to me it felt like it should be this perfect, happy, beautiful place, which it obviously was not, because no place is perfect. But, the thing was, that I saw a lot of ways that people change.

I can feel that this is gonna get deep real quick so I’m gonna start the next section, while continuing this: Musings

When one thinks of change, at least when I think of change, I tend to automatically think of good change, you know like someone maturing or a house being renovated, etc., but a lot of it was not good change. And I realized (for the millionth time) that you can’t rely on other people or on certain places for your identity. Your identity has to be something that you create/grow into on your own with God. It’s something that you can’t put on other people because there’s gonna be a time when those people may not be around and your gonna sitting there trying to figure out who you are without them.

Also, you have to just be yourself around everyone you meet and/or know because if you changing with every person you see, your yet again relying on others for your identity. I used to do this thing where when I would meet new people I would wait until I observed them enough and then acted according to my observations of them, that way, I thought, they would like me. However, that’s stupid, because then you’ll never know who you really are and you’ll never be able to truly get to know yourself and you’ll never allow anyone else to truly get to know you. Because if you don’t know who you are, how are supposed to show that to others. So once you’ve grown into your personality and learned a bit more about who you are when there’s no one that your putting an act on for, you can begin to be that person (a.ka. yourself) around everyone. And believe me! BOY is this FREEING!!!

(Backtracking to me going to AL) Also, you can’t go back somewhere expecting everyone to be the same as they were before, just as you change and grow, so do they, but we still have to love them through it, because that’s what unconditional love is all about. It’s about loving people no matter what; and you know what? Most of the time, that’s really hard, like REALLY hard. In the Bible, Jesus tells us to love everyone, no just that cool guy down the road who loaned you twenty bucks or your family who you have to love cuz they’re family, EVERYONE. And you may think “Everyone? Like even murderers???!”

This may come as a shock, but YES. Unconditional love is loving no matter what; therefore if we’re gonna love EVERYONE unconditionally, we have to love them through their ISSUES, mistakes, horridness, cruelty. Now this doesn’t mean you have to LIKE everyone it just means you have to LOVE them. And recently, I’ve really been learning what true unconditional love is. I asked God a couple months ago to help me love like He loves and you know what, He has definitely answered that prayer, because little by little as I meet more and more people, I’ve been noticing these little ways in which I am somehow able to love them, even if we’ve only known each other a week. This love is so different then the way I’ve felt before, though it is so powerful.

Here’s an example: when I say I love you to my Dad, he sometimes says why do you love me, (I’ve recently learned that this is because his primary love languages are acts of service and words of affirmation, but that’s a whole other story) and sometimes I don’t really know what to say, not because there’s nothing he does that makes me love him, but sorta… because I don’t love him for the things he does (if my love was contingent on certain actions done by him, then the moment he stopped doing those things would I stop loving him?) I love him because I just do, it’s a kind of love that’s somewhat inexplicable and almost impossible for the human mind to understand. It’s just this feeling of extreme care and this extreme desire to show… well, love to this person.

Obviously, it’s still really hard, because there are people who get on your nerves (e.g. that immature boy who is always bothering you and you just want him to go away and leave alone even though you know that the only reason he does this is cause no one pays attention to him at his home) or genuinely boil your blood (e.g. murderers). It’s a process and it takes time to grow to that level of being able to love EVERYONE to that extent and you definitely have to be willing to let the Holy Spirit be in control because loving like God is not something that is humanly possible without… well, GOD 😀

ANYWAY,

I’m hoping to start posting at least twice a month and I may start a little writing series soon, but we’ll see! Anyway, sorry (not sorry) for the long post here’s a potato, a.k.a. my cat who is the cutest little potato on the face of the earth and if you say otherwise I will CUT YOU!

Context: My sister and I are walking to our neighbor’s house at 9:30. We are House sitting for them while they’re out of town. As we were walking, this is what popped into my head while I looked at the sky. I then proceeded to say out loud as though I was a character in a dramatic period movie. 😄

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It’s the perfect time for a moonlit walk
The stars are out
The air is fresh
The moon is bright
All is calm
All is right
On this moonlit night

My favorite part of reading is opening a book to its first page. That feeling of being on the brink of a whole new world is amazing! Because you don’t know how it’s gonna make you feel, you don’t know what it’s gonna teach you. You don’t know if you’re gonna love it or hate it. You don’t know if the ending is going to be horrible or amazing or just satisfying. Similarly, people are a whole world a whole story just waiting to be read…

I mean I’m a relatively shy person, I’m not super shy or anything, but I’m not super inclined to going up to people and introducing myself. However, I think of the fact that meeting a new person is like standing on the edge a whole new universe. Each individual person is a different story, a difficult set of memories, different decisions, different ways of thinking, different ways of analyzing situations, different things they can teach you, different experiences. It’s amazing! I mean, just think about how crazy, confusing and complex you are! Now, think about the fact that there are 7 billion more of those crazy, confusing, complex things in the world. There are seven BILLION stories just waiting to be read!! Now that gets me excited to meet some people!

Because whenever I meet someone new, I’m standing at the edge of not just a whole new story, I’m standing at the edge a story I might be able to help write a little bit of. That to me is an amazing honor!

This is something to think about… How many of us are “dying” for life to begin, but forget that life has already begun. Rather, it is now a matter of choosing to live. And what to live for.

Too often, we feel as though something “significant” must occur in our lives in order that we might begin living. I’ll be honest, I have a tendency of feeling this way a lot. I struggle with this idea that life has yet to begin. The usual “if only” statements make their way through my train of thought (that is, if it doesn’t leave the station without me) and I begin to feel discouraged and blue even. It’s incredible how much power our state of mind has on us as a whole. At first, it seems like no big deal. One little negative thought here and there, no big deal. Right?