And when he did, he concluded, “It’s embarrassing that this even a contest.” The host predicted that people would say he’s not being an “objective” observer of the election, but added, “Any objective person can see that of the two options, one is not an option.”

Noah described the election as a choice between “two lifeboats.” One, “we’ve seen float, it’s weathered many a storm and yes, it’s sprung a few leaks, metaphorically speaking.” But the other one is “made out of cheese doodles, and it has a shark in it, and it’s on fire, and it’s underwater, and it’s name is Donald Trump and somehow it’s leading in the polls!”

To further his point, Noah presented the words that the respective candidate’s friends and loved ones have used in attempts to humanize them at each convention. While Donald Trump Jr. described his father as a “first-class” man who “loves real estate,” Bill Clinton praised his wife for opening the first legal aid clinic in northwest Arkansas. While Hillary Clinton brokered a ceasefire in the Middle East, Donald Trump turned a landfill into a golf course.

And while Clinton helped 9/11 first responders, Trump opened his very own winery. “Now ask yourself,” Noah said gravely, “where would we be without the largest winery in Virginia?”