Friday, April 30, 2010

Hmmm....Can I Ask You Something?

Every now and again, I find a portion of Packers.com that I haven’t visited before. Yesterday it was the FAQ section. Admitting I don’t know something is not a strength of mine, so I never had a need to click on this page. Boredom led me here late last night after watching the Brian Bulaga press conference 4 times (I love this guy). Now, most of these questions I understand, but the “Does the Packers Organization take phone calls regarding fantasy football?” is ridiculous. I hate to tell you this, but if you need help from a pro team about fantasy football, you’ve already lost your league…plus, the Packers have more important things to deal with than The Chmura Pool Cleaner’s start or sit questions. Also, the answer to the cheerleader question which points to “fan indifference” as the reason for no Packers cheerleaders, is a flat out lie. I love cheerleaders.

I’d like to take this time to submit some questions I have (I guess I don’t know everything) that I am flat-out positive other die-hard Packer fans have too.

How does Lambeau Field and the surrounding environs not implode under the sheer magnitude of its own awesomeness? (This would likely need a physicist to answer, but I’m sure Stephen Hawking is a Packer fan, he’s a pretty smart guy.)

I was unable to find a pair of green and gold, corduroy slacks at the Packers Pro Shop. Are they on back order? How do I get on the waiting list?

How the hell did the greatest special teams player in the history of mankind get released? (You know who)

How many Leinie’s are sold during each game at Lambeau Field? Brats?

When I die, can my ashes be spread on the Visitors’ sideline, so I can feel the fear and sense of futility permeating the Packers opponents for all of eternity?

I have a good friend who has his single-engine pilot’s license, how do we apply to be an aircraft involved in a pre-game flyover?

On more than a few occasions, I have seen opposing fans at Lambeau during the games. While I am more than willing to let these misguided individuals study the greatness of the Packers at the Packers Hall of Fame, is there a way to step up security so that these asshats aren’t allowed inside the hallowed halls of Lambeau?

I’m sure you all have questions too. Please feel free to add any questions you may have for the Packers in the comment section, and I will forward them on to the Packers FAQ Department…wait, how do I that?

16 comments:

Bill Miller's title is a red herring. Bill is currently in charge of sexist comments and zenophobia and is under the employ of Zigy Wilf. He will soon be unmasked by the morally superior Packers organization and revealed as the abomination that he is.

Pashaww, respectfully disagree. It takes a sage man to be commander and overlord of all liquids both going in, and coming out, at Lambeau. Bill Miller might be the modern-day version of Faramir, 2nd Son of Gondor.

Side note: Bill Miller. William Miller? Was Almost Famous based on his youth? This Plumber/Bevie Tech is a cool, cool cat.

Do you think Bill Miller could install a urinal trough at my seat? Because that would make Lambeau even more awesome...and that guy and his kid who sit in front of me would no longer have to get peed on.

PPGJ, not only that, Mr Miller (if he so desired) could install a Spotted Cow tap at your seat. Then the people next to you wouldn't have to deal with constant beer mid-game beer runs. You could stay in your seat for days on end.

Tracy White Fact of the day: He quit his special teams job so as to employ his strength holding up Lambeau Field and the surrounding environs from imploding upon themselves due to their pure awesomeness

Tracy White Fact of the week: He owns the last 14 pairs of green and gold corduroy slacks. He destroyed the building so he would look like the only one with fashion sense....

However if we count Brett Favre (Packer TD's only) he had 486 passing tds (regular and postseason) and or 2,916 points or 32,440.5 inches or 2,703 feet or 27 football fiels or an entire half mile. Not bad...

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