Take Back Your Life

Setting Priorities after Cancer

by Paula Holland De Long

None of us chooses to come face
to face with our own mortality.
But you and I have stared it in
the face and gone on to ask, “What’s
next?” Many cancer survivors feel
compelled to live their lives differently
in the wake of their cancer experience.
Often, the priorities from your life before
cancer don’t fit anymore; they just
don’t feel right.

Like many survivors, you hunger
for choices and a measure of control
after facing the uncontrollable reality
you’ve been through. You want to
appreciate the here and now because
you’ve learned that you can’t be sure
what the future holds. You want to
guide your life where you can and not
worry about what you can’t control.
You want the rest of your life to matter.
Here’s how you can begin to prioritize
your life after cancer.

Use your intuition.
Whether you
call it gut instinct, resonance, or intuition,
using your feelings in addition
to logic will help you recognize things
that you want to prioritize. After my
chemo ended, I knew in my heart and
my gut that I was not going to be able
to go back to the life that I had before
my diagnosis.

I was intuitively drawn to things
that made me feel good and made me
feel alive. Spending time outside every
day, being with people I loved, and
having some free time to do nothing
really resonated with me. I wanted
them. So I made them priorities in
my life. My priorities before cancer
– a promotion, a bigger house, a brand
new car – didn’t matter any more.

Say yes to things that make you feel alive
and no to things that bring you down.

Paula De Long

Know and honor your personal
values.
You can use your values to
help make life-giving choices as you
honor the things you stand for and
won’t compromise on. Values are
who you are, not who you aspire to
be or who you think that you “should”
or “have” to be. And they are not intrinsically
right or wrong.

Accomplishment, creativity, excellence,
honesty, humor, independence,
joy, peace, recognition, spirituality,
tradition, and vitality are a few examples
of values that some people
hold dear in life. Your instinct and
intuition can help you name your
values. Your values can be a compass
guiding you as you journey through
life. When you set priorities, make
decisions, or shift perspectives, ask
yourself, “Which values will I honor
by choosing A or B?” Making your
personal values a priority can make
you feel more fulfilled. And you may
find that you feel anxious, frustrated,
unhappy, and dissatisfied when you
don’t make them a priority.

Give yourself permission to make
your own choices and prioritize your
own life.
You will feel happier, more
enthusiastic, and more committed to
your priorities when you choose them,
not when you feel like you should or
must do something or when you are
just trying to appease someone else.
We all have different priorities.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned
while setting my priorities:

Creating priorities based on what
matters most to you is NOT selfish
or impolite.

Being open to new possibilities and
trying different ways of thinking and
doing will keep you moving forward.

Say yes to things that make you
feel light and alive and no to things
that make you feel heavy or bring
you down.

Try new things that resonate with
you instead of always doing what is
safe and familiar. The initial discomfort
of change creates the empowering
thrill of accomplishment.

Do things because you choose to,
not because you should, need to, or
have to do them.

Prioritizing
your life after
cancer can be a
satisfying part
of healing. Your
intuition, values,
and powers of
choice bring
a perspective
of honesty,
truth, and commitment
to
the process that logic alone cannot
provide. My own life as a survivor
has become more passionate and rewarding
since I started making my
choices based on what matters most
to me. See what can happen when you
try it yourself.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Paula Holland De Long,
cancer survivor, life coach, and founder
of Coach For Living, provides individual
and group coaching for cancer survivors
that promotes healing with joy, passion,
and purpose. Contact Paula at www.CoachForLivingOnline.com.