US federal employees asked to 'stop pooping in the hallway'. No, seriously

This is an actual headline: “EPA Employees Told to Stop Pooping in the Hallway”. For those unfamiliar with America’s extraordinary alphabet of ridiculous bureaucratic agencies, the EPA is the Environmental Protection Agency – which gives said headline added irony. Someone hasn't read their own posters about littering in public places.

The website Government Executive claims to have come across an email in which a Denver office of the EPA reports of mysterious and very anti-social goings on, including an individual “placing feces in the hallway”. The website continues:

Confounded by what to make of this occurrence, EPA management “consulted” with workplace violence “national expert” John Nicoletti, who said that hallway feces is in fact a health and safety risk. He added the behavior was “very dangerous” and the individuals responsible would “probably escalate” their actions.

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” Cantor wrote. He asked for any employees with knowledge of the poop bandit or bandits to notify their supervisor.

How pray, does one escalate from defecating in the hallway?! Please don't email me any suggestions.

Is this a prank? One of those online “North Korea Declares War on Gibraltar” stories that seems entirely plausible but turns out to be false? I err in this instance on the side of plausibility: we are talking about the EPA after all. It is the agency that gave us the charming Mr John Beale, who pretended to be a CIA agent in order to get $900,000 in government money, travel expenses and bonuses. He’d tell his EPA boss that all his lavish trips away from the office were on super-secret spy business, and she just presumed he was telling the truth. On one occasion he threw a massive boat-based retirement party … and then continued to turn up to work and cash the cheques.