Thanks to a new Facebook app you’d better stop whining about that cough on Facebook, or risk being outed to your friends as the bearer of bad germs.

The totally unscientific app, Help, my friend gave me the flu, which could make some Facebook friendships even more remote than they already are, promises to track down likely culprits by scrutinizing their Facebook posts for likely clues.

But even your lifestyle habits will be called into question by the app.

I tried out the app and was immediately warned off three Facebook friends who were guilty of — get this — not getting enough sleep. I was only surprised only three friends who fit that description.

You’d think it might cover most of Facebook’s late night population but according to this app, posting into the wee hours counts as risky behaviour.

‘Multiple late night posts,’ it suggests could mean this person has not been getting much sleep which puts them (and you) at risk for getting sick, according to the app.

Another Facebook friend was singled out a potential flu carrier. His crime? Mentioning the word clinic in a Facebook status update.

Another warning sign: “This person lives in your city, close enough to sneeze right on you!”

That puts the entire population of Metro Vancouver on the Facebook flu app suspect list.

And if you’re really worried about avoiding infectious friends, note that scientists at Singapore’s National University found whistling and laughing spreads airborne germs very effectively. Joke-telling whistlers aren’t included in the Facebook flu app but just to be safe – avoid anyone who laughs – at least for the rest of the winter.

And if you really want to avoid the flu, why don’t you just talk to your friends on Facebook and never actually meet in real life.

Or get a flu vaccine.

And remember to wash your hands often – especially when someone has been telling jokes around the office cooler.

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