Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Billy/Peyton/Dennis

No go on Billy Wagner, as the Mets landed him today. Last week, I heard that they were courting the country-raised Wagner by showing him the "New York area." The joke I immediately made in my head was: What are they gonna do, say to him, "Here's Greenwich, Connecticut. See, no homeless or minorities for miles around. You'll love it here it New York!"? A few hours later, I found out that they actually did show him Greenwich, sending him to Tom Glavine's house for dinner. Unbelievable. Hey, I guess it worked.

Chan had the Colts game on earlier. I like rooting against Peyton Manning. I've never liked that boob. Ever since the Tennessee-Nebraska game where he was supposed to be this great quarterback and we shut him down big time. This was, like, eight years ago. And it's just so fun to make fun of him. He talks in the same voice Andy Kaufman did when he imitated Jerry Lawlor: "Ahm from Maymphis, Taynasee, duhhh." Tonight, I saw him make an awesome play. There's nothing funnier than when a quarterback is scrambling to get the play off, audibling as quick as he can before the play clock expires, and then it's down to one second, so he just makes the "come here! come here! quick!" motion with his hands at the center, trying to get him to snap the ball, but the center just doesn't know to snap it, so the play clock runs out. It's even funnier when it happens to Manning, and with his own crowd making noise, screwing things up even more, to boot. I actually kind of hope they do go undefeated, and then lose to some shitty team in the playoffs or Super Bowl, with Payton failing at a key moment.

Anyway, one of you Patriots fans should make this comparison next time they play the Colts:

Also, if you didn't see Dennis Leary's Christmas Special on Comedy Central, check it out, if only for Dennis lighting his cig with a "yankees suck" candle. And for Charlie Murphy. It's on Comedy Central. Probably a thousand times this month.

PO'N: I can give you some tips on getting to/beating Tyson. Tip 1 would be to buy a used NES and the game, since I'm guessing you don't regularly play Nintendo.

But Tyson was actually easier than you'd think. He basically stood there, and you just had to wait him out. Eventually he'd come with a huge upper-cut, and you just had to dodge and get one puch in. Eventually he started with the non-stop barrage of upper cuts, and, again,dodge, dodge, dodge, and when he was done, start hitting him back. Keep this up, and eventually the champ goes down. The hard thing was, he didn't have a tell, like Mr. Sandman, with the flashing. You just had to concentrate really hard, and when you saw him start to move, get your ass out of the way. Because any blow from Iron Mike and you go down. For the first round at least. It's kind of like playing that game where you hold your hand out, and the other person has theirs below yours, and they try to slap yours. You just have to wait and watch closely and don't stop concentrating. (I actually played the slap game this weekend, interestingly enough. I think I'm better at beating Tyson.)