Any time I see this kind of manipulative guilt-tripping, I get mad. Email forwards like this evoke from me a gut-level rage that’s completely disproportionate to the actual offense. Live and learn, I guess.

STUPID:

“You had me at ‘ahoy’.” – a line from my one-man show, What If Alexander Graham Bell Ruled The World?

The “ahoy” joke was a relatively minor instance of this. I routinely think up jokes that require prior knowledge of at least two (often obscure) premises. Sometimes people may appreciate it as absurdism, and sometimes people may understand part of the joke, but I suspect a pretty limited number of people appreciate the full scope of what I’m trying to say. And that’s OK. The comedy starts to fall apart when it requires so much effort. But I still write these obscure bits, and here’s why:

I’m goofing around. I’m not attempting to create high art. I’m just a dude who’s interested in language (and makes my living with it), so I like to experiment and play and create awful puns with it. Basketball players often learn all kinds of “useless” tricks with a basketball—spinning it on a finger, rolling it up and down arms, improbable dribbling techniques. These aren’t skills that players use in games, but I’d argue that it does make them better players with better control of the ball in different situations. Likewise, I’m not trying to produce practicable works of genius here. I’m just stretching my muscles and seeing what happens. Also,

I personally get a thrill when I recognize someone else’s obscure reference. It creates an immediate rapport, and I feel more connected to that person even if I’ve never met them. I like the idea that someone somewhere is making that same type of connection when they read something stupid that I write. It’s a good feeling.

So that’s why.

WORDPLAY:

The proof is in the pudding.No, wait. These are just raisins. Never mind.

The apparent joke here is that “hero” is a type of sandwich, but really I just think it’s funny because it’s dumb and sandwiches are funny. When I try to think of a funny object, sandwich is the first thing that comes to mind. Also, they’re delicious.

I saw Jack White on SNL or someplace and he reminded me of Edward Scissorhands. As far as I know there is no Edward Scissorhands remake and, if there was, it wouldn’t be a music video. That makes no sense.

WORDPLAY:

Sometimes I wonder if it’s all really worth it. I’m not being philosophical; I’m watching infomercials.