The gospel according to O'Malley

A rewrite of the Nicene Creed from Maryland's philosopher king

January 17, 2012|Marta H. Mossburg

As listeners to the late, great Ron Smith know, the WBAL talk show host and Sun columnist used to introduce Gov. Martin O'Malley on air as Father O'Malley, with religious music running in the background. He was referring to Mr. O'Malley's tendency to frequent literary allusion and reverent tone whether discussing the death penalty or septic systems. If he were to write a religious manifesto, I offer this suggestion for the O'Malley Creed.

I believe in one party, the Democrats, maker of all things in Maryland, and of all things visible and invisible, including those in public office who have been put on trial for corruption like former Prince George's County Executive Jack Johnson and State Senator Ulysses Currie and those whose deeds the party will never reveal.

And in me, who by forsaking the beliefs of my Republican father, core tenets of my Catholic faith, marrying into state Democratic royalty, and faithfully serving the higher good of the national party by blamingGeorge W. Bushfor everything, has boundless potential to reach higher office and reduce the murder rate in Baltimore City years after departing as mayor of that city on a hill.

I believe in the Holy Trinity of Martin O'Malley, Senate PresidentThomas V. Mike Miller and House Speaker Michael E. Busch, for as long as my term in the governor's office. The latter two, who for Maryland and its salvation, are the longest-surviving pair of presiding legislative officers in the country, should never leave. As mentioned earlier, my faith is calling me outside of these borders.

I believe in the Holy Federal Government, the cup of salvation for Maryland, without which could not exist the many millionaires in Montgomery County and the source of my campaign cash, and who deserves proper worship and expansion, forsaking all others so that His kingdom shall have no end. I reject Republicans and all those who worship at the altar of the false gods of tax cuts and would starve Him that has given me electoral blessings that have runneth over.

I believe in "One Maryland," under Democrats, that will lead the country, not only economically, but morally. I acknowledge that Republicans can repent and be received into the fold, and I look for the resurrection of bankrupt social policies like Social Security, Medicare and the soon to be introduced Obamacare to strengthen the grip on a new generation of Americans, yearning for entitlements.

I believe a job is the root of our freedoms as Americans, a job is freedom and freedom is a job — especially if it is a government or union job that can be turned into a vote. And I believe unions should have the right to compel dues from non-members in order to assist Democrats in establishing a permanent stronghold in Maryland and provide for the eternal happiness of our subjects.

I believe that higher taxes are "investments" in Maryland's future when supported by Democrats and "fees" on the most vulnerable in society when proposed by Republicans. And I believe that hiking the budget by 14 percent during my tenure in office is the same thing as saying I have cut it by $6.8 billion. I also believe that raising the sales tax 20 percent is the same thing as raising it "a penny."

I believe in the power of the wind, and of the sun, and of forcing Marylanders to pay higher prices for energy from them in order to benefit loyal friends of mine and the campaign treasury of the Democratic Governors Association. And I believe that I can say with a straight face that donations from energy companies will have no influence over my decisions as governor or candidate because through faith all things are possible.

I believe in directing money to counties that reliably vote Democratic, in giving state projects to developers who believe in "One Maryland" without following rules made for non believers, and suing those who attempt to stop my will. To paraphrase Ecclesiastes 9:18, the wisdom of the Democratic state is better than weapons of war, but one sinner can destroy my creation.

I believe ethics and the full weight of the law are for those who work against the good of the party and that those who serve faithfully should be welcomed home like the Prodigal Son and return to their place of prominence.

And I believe that believing will change the world.

Amen.

Marta H. Mossburg is a senior fellow at the Maryland Public Policy Institute. Her column appears regularly in The Baltimore Sun. Her email is martamossburg@gmail.com.