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Sunday, April 3, 2011

Happy Random-Quotes Sunday

"You know what offends me? Flossing your teeth and then getting floss stuck in your teeth," I say to my 14 year old. "There should be a term for that."

"Irony?" he says flatly.

***I walked into the kitchen and found the eleven year old on the counter, clapping at a noodle stuck to the ceiling about to unpeel itself and fall into the gaping mouth of the patient three-year-old below.

"What in the world?"

"Wait! Wait! Sooo close! Sooo close!"

***

My 16-year-old lifts the 4-year-old over her head and says, "I think this could be a really beautiful scene in a movie."

I say, "Yeah, it already is. It's a very famous scene in Roots."

"Oh, I was thinking of the movie where that guy holds the boom box over his head."

"John Cusack in Say Anything?" I shake my head. "Wow. That feels like a parental failure."

"What? I thought you loved that movie with the boom box. You thought it was beautiful, right? Didn't you?"

Last week, I wrote a letter to an English teacher, using the words "grammatically impaired" to describe one of my offspring.

***After I give a little speech about being more sympathetic to refs, my 11-year-old soccer player says, "During the middle of an intense game, I'm not going to stop and wonder if the ref grew up with an abusive father!"

***

Kid walks out of the bathroom. "Did you wash your hands and flush the toilet?"