Even if you're not in the stage of life where you're
thinking of having or already have children, you've probably already or will soon
participate in buying a baby gift for someone. Here are some pointers for
useful baby presents.

1) Buy a size bigger. Baby clothes start out at size "newborn".
The next largest size is 0-3 months, then 3-6 months. Some clothes are only
labeled with a number such as "3", which means it should fit for about 3
minutes before the kid outgrows it. Just kidding. I believe it means it'll fit
at around the 3-month mark. Our newborn outgrew the newborn size in the womb,
and didn't fit into some 0-3 month clothes from the get-go, either. So buy 0-3
at a minimum. And don't rule out purchasing XXL for the little alien.

2) Buy clothes that tear away easily. This is not so the kid
can practice his Hulk Hogan shirt ripping routine, but rather to make it easier
for the parents to change the diapers. Shirt and pants? Cute as all get-out,
but totally inconvenient except for special occasions. Anything that must be
brought over the head is tough. I recommend one-piece outfits that zip (or
button) from the neck all the way down one or both legs. You might also
want to avoid outfits with feet, so that it lasts for all of one extra week
before being outgrown. Get gender neutral colors so the parents can reuse the
clothes with their next baby.

3) Burp cloths. Spit-up will be a reality, even if the
parents are going to breast feed. In fact, you might as well buy a roll of plastic
to coat and protect their entire house... and their clothes. Does their work dress
code allow plastic-wrapped pants?

4) Diapers. But not in tower/cake form, which although looks
neat, might erase all traces of size and brand (unless the diaper is well
labeled). And an open package of diapers is skeevy. With diapers you also risk
the parents already having a brand loyalty. But most likely with a little poop
machine on their hands they will appreciate all the help they can get on the
diaper front. (Again, you might do best to avoid the newborn size.)

5) Water-proof mats. Parents might want to lay a mat down
wherever they change the lil' munchkin, or beneath baby if they breast feed
laying down, or beneath if baby is set on a couch, chair, in a crib, or on the
floor. Remember, babies are orifice cannons. Preemptive measures must be taken
to protect the surroundings.

6) You could get a 2-in-1 kind of gift... like a horse trough.
The little buggers eat so much that it could work as a feeding pen and double
as a bassinet.

7) One extremely useful gift is a cover for the car seat
(the kind with a little circle to peer out of) so you don't have to worry as
much about bundling up the young'n in the cold. You should see if this is on
the registry and go in with another person to get it if it's expensive.

Which means you should check websites for their online
registry - then you'd know you're getting something they'd want. Ha ha ha ha....
Yeah right. If these are first-time parents, what they want and what they end
up really wanting will probably not match. Nonetheless, check these
sites to see if they're registered and if you can find something useful: Baby
Depot, Babies"R"Us,
JC
Penney, One
Step Ahead, Pottery Barn
Kids, Target, and Walmart. (Baby Gap and Carter's
do not seem to have registries.)

A couple of other tips: Get a gift receipt. And please do
not lavish the soon-to-be parents with childbirth horror stories (but if you
can't resist, make them short stories). But please do offer constructive
tips that helped maintain your sanity during the first couple months of
parenthood (try to offer these tips without complaining).

Following these guidelines will help make you an appreciated
guest at the baby shower, or an extra special friend or family member!