Tuesday, January 29, 2008

I love you...I know you're surprisedBut the words were stuck in my heartThey ran through my veins, entered my head, shot out my skin and landed on my thumbs as I typed away on my crackberryI just want you to know there's so much truth to themMaybe not the psycho truth you may thinkBut some real hard-core hard-loving truthYou were a story of mineSo of course you're still in my mindWell enjoy your nightI'm emotional, right???

A teacher; A leader; A mentor; A friend; A Mom for sureMy MomMom you remind me of sweet-smelling summer blossoming tulipsAs I cruise down Park AvenueThe array of flowers speak to meThey scream out your nameI get vibes of your spiritAlmost like getting a chill on a 90 degree dayI sense you...I feel your presenceI miss youI miss you muchIn the words of Janet JacksonOur distance withholds a connectionHowever, it often rains painI need you here sometimesI need you here oftenI want to tear up on your shoulder topsAnd let it all outWhat would I do without you has suddenly began to flash before my eyesOf lateWhy...Is it that I miss you so muchIt hurts @ times when we chatI require your faceI need to feel your warmth, wholehearted, obsessed with your own, feel...Your motherly energyIf you willI speak from the hearts of your 3 bornI apologize for the sisterhood that pierce your heart and soulI'm trying to work on thatOur blood connection should never be hindered by anythingWe are apart of one anotherAs we are the heart of youMy solution was to take a step back and allow My Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to do his workThe day will comeWhen you can smile again despite all the hurt we have put you throughI love you MomI love youI miss youI miss you muchIn the words of Janet Jackson

I smell your tearsI hear your criesEven though I'm days awayPeople still join our livesSome touch gentlySome hurt hardNo matter the feelingTo feel is all that plays the partI want you to cheerI want you to smileEven it takes sending a child like circus clownBetter days crowd into 1 big wishAnd we all know how much you yearn for that so... needed birthday kissBut the man upstairs screams out loudHe's the one we all need aroundEven though sand didn't decorate our toesOr dancing on the bar spilling drinks on our clothesHasn't occured this timeAnd it feels like your heart continues to commit the same ol' crimeLove is still aroundand glitz is not always neededFriendship can be the word repeatedAs long as I got my saintyWe're good to goBecause better days will comeAnd believe me Babe I'm the one to knowLove you girlLet me toast for youSince down is your moodBelieve me birthday girl you're well understoodTake your timeYou're get right backI was always told women of color don't crackWe're here for youWhether military time is your clockOr whether the bed right now is your spotBut smile anywayYou made it another yearAnd there's reasoning behindEven if right now is hard to bareI'm reciting these words because my Lord asked me to giveAnd to explain how one of the purposes of our livesIs just to live

Monday, January 28, 2008

Save the sun for the shadesGrab the specs in the rainA girlie's lay for every occasionI scream outI'm so... PrettyAs I strut through the big worldWith a vintage fendi baguette in handPretty Pretty meDiane Von muti- colored butterfly Yellow sparkling on my butter soft, perscriptive colored, antelope skinI swirl as I cross the congested traffic walkI hear the Boi's whispering Gorgeous; Beauty; Sexy;(just to name a few) B*R*I*X*S Babe get over hereQuestions bouncing threw crowdsIsn't that one of those Power Rangette's???Damn...Damn...She's hotShit, shortie is bad...Bad is right!But shit I'm takenBy me, that isI'm so... all over selfBoo Boo get off meDo you see the heels on these sick ass Christian Louboutin bust a cherry red pumpsCan you handle a every 10 second dipWhen the old classic Bel Biv Devoe hit Posion is ringing through those Wednesday Night Lotus speakersI'm so... PrettyI rolled my hair a 2nd time just to get this perfect curlDude you see meShit I see meI'm so... PrettyGeez...Giggles as I catch a gaze @ my Mac professionally done up chinky's while reapplying my Mac Oh Baby lip gloss in my custom made saworski crystal pocket mirrorOmg you should see meI so... shock myself sometimesLittle meSigh;I blush away @ the thought of this God given beautyI'm so....... PrettyYes indeed a girlie is on selfWaking up drinking a gallon of joy every morning from now onThis body will be heardWatch me nowLow self esteem my assI'm so.... Pretty

Awaiting my monthlyFeeling weird down thereUnsure of the actual evidence @ this pointMy friend not arriving as yetContantly checking 4 the sight of redBut this would B a giftMy 6th life spurt and beginning w/ a new life could only b a blessingHowever, i've said, no 2 them 2wice thus farGod again, 4 give me, 4 I have sinned...Tyla being extremely 2 much 4 any European Nanny 2 handleAm I ready...I guess I will have 2 bSince life is in meLiterally this timeOr is it my nerves playing tricks on meWhatever it is, I still feel such a connection 2 himEven though, I mean as much 2 him as a fun pass metrocardIt's just good 4 the dayUse it while it lastWhatever this feeling is insideGod knows... and in a few short daysHe'll whisper it in my earPray 4 me...

When I arise in my joyous stateI just deliever what's swirling thru my mindYou can call me the messengerI don't plan what my manicured thumbs will tap away @ on the BerryThe words just appear as I stare @ the screenMy talent, not to toot my own hornCan not be measuredSo I put as much weight on self as I possibly canI would like to write more during my happiest momentsBut in the hours of troublesMy words scream...........STILL I RISEAs long as my readers hear me speak to their heartsI'm fullNo one man will ever learn fully or even understand my storiesBut I give you and eye opener @ least enough to sniff thru my worldsThere are Lilly's, Sunflowers, Red Robins, White Sanded Beaches, Clear Blue Skies even Cherry Trees thereEven though you may only visualize Sour Fruits, Bad Dreams and Stormy WeathersBare with meSooner or later I'll come around

Pineapple scentedVanilla breezeI close my eyes and I just dreamThe weight of the titanium blk heavy in my hands as I pass it to the cashierI reply yes that's all maamThe sprees have kept my desires fullAnd my wants wanting withoutI'm the fanciest thing of late that you can read aboutWink*But who knew in two thousand tenI still would long for thatOnce in a life time soul cleansin'A finanical soul feeding per sayYou prolly could get it better if I explained it that wayGreen can't buy everything I was once toldRecently winning my soul back from that devil for a fake pot of goldAfter I bet him I could with-stand a full year without loving hardHe called off all his bloody body guardsI've passed that dreamIt died the beginning of ohhhh eightAfter my tour de italyA quick vaca I've come to still appreciateWith a man that was yet still a boyPardon me for being so coyI threw the jersey's awayI burned all the bballsAnd my preferences has changedHe doesn't have to be that damn tallI like a suit and tie nowA clean lookA confident stareA nice back stillBut bald or hair I don't careWaitWaitWake me upWhat's happening to the weirdo I use to beShit... I'm thirdeee

Simple plansSmall wishesTwo DreamsThis is my lifeAsking for much, brings about high expectationsSo I'm going to lessen my callDummy down if you willMy high hopes have grounded me into a simplistic stateI lay in my bed of sinPondering what's my next moveAs love blows though my cracked windowMy body heat rises more and moreI can't feel the breezeIts not tangible for a heartache'r like little ol' meMy once butterfly filled tummyHas become and empty cocoonSo simple I propose to myselfI'm going to have the tiniest wishes imaginableSleepy nights having the same repetitve dreamsThis is how my Wow factor will reappearBecause my God knows I'm not going to ask for muchPlaymates ring 2BLay your finger on the bellThe noise still dancing in my earsGod when are you going to provide my true Soulmate with my addressIs he still playing his lottery of #'sWell hit alreadyHit...

Eventhough we don't speak and only faith has the answer to whether we will ever see each other again:I invite you to meet me in my dreams... I know, you're prolly in love again and occupied with tons of new thingsBut my eyes miss the sight of you But my ears miss the sound of you But my lips miss the kiss of youBut my nose miss the smell of you But my body miss the snug of youAnd I miss the yoU in UsAt night when my head hits my pillow and my eyes shut fastI wait for youI wait for you to appearBecause here, there are no strings attachedNo cameras flickingNo music playingNo people watchingJust YOU and MEJust peace and serenityMeet me if you will...We can thumb wrestleSlow now is my speedThe doc gave me enough ticketsI'm done with speeding...

Giving up seafoodGiving up crowded spacesEven giving up all noisey placesGiving up negativesGiving up hateful thoughtsEven giving up all meaningless sexual sportsGiving up frownsGiving up sobsEven giving up going nowhere fast jobsGiving up nightlifeGiving up being in the zoneEven giving up my favorite clubs and all shots of patronGiving up shoppingGiving up beautifying self for the pleasure of heDefinitely giving up all the persons that don't wholeheartedly love meGiving up disingenuous peopleGiving up rushing all the timeEven giving up all that I thought was mineGiving up ketchupGiving up foods that break me outEven giving up all don't and doubtsIn Oh Eight I'm focused on the rebirth of meNomore false hopes, false dreams, unpromising future and striving to beIts time to let my passion truely shineI'm accepting my role and claiming all that's mineI'd rather travel and explore this beautiful earthDiscover new things about self and mend this heart that lives in hurtI've danced plenty I've consumed enough alcohol for ten 300 pound menI'm going to live like God desires me toAnd quit all unjustified sinning

Half smiled faceUpside downed cakeI see the blue lineIts positiveI'm positiveBelly button watchI want to record the exact time it pops outFalse alarm reallyBut what ifAnd a call came thru my dialA lady with women's fingernailsWhat would I sayMy age ringing in my earsWho does this stillTell me their raceConnect the dots on your innocent looking faceRaw deal, clearlyDanger sleeping in my bedFuck the amazing sexual feelingNigga did you remember what you saidSINGLE...UNATTACHED...Then I don't hear from youShe calls me backNever againDie while you're aliveFool defines meI'm speechlessSigh;

As sharp as I seemWhen did my blade-like abilites become so... dullI'm weak for dudeAnd no not my dude eitherShit...Our outside situations still bounce around conversationAlthough, the realness to his just won't registerDamn the attentiveness and adornment I receive in his arms is unexplainableShit...The works...He completes meI must sayEven if its a right now emotion or feelingI'ma let it "ride to the wheels fall off"I ponder the thoughtIs this what she feelsBecause just from our enegryWe go 2gether like popcorn and a movieOur worlds being somewhat so differentYet still somehow apartMy situation stands the sameBut can fall so easilyBe replaced, crumble if you willMy dude still hasn't rolled up the red carpet after the premiereNow the normal society of lies stroll downHow can I fall so hard for someone that's not available to the publicI mean a silver, gold, or platinum, miniture-sized hula-hoop doesn't decorate his left handBut the word my girl has come aboutShit...That "TITLE" even bounces around the brainWhy must complications present themselves with me, so oftenWhy can't shit just flowDifficult yes I maybeBut shit, this is even too difficult for meShit...

Still coughing up Oh Seven sinsBlowing my nose of those last minute regretsHoarse voiced from screamingWHERE IS HE????????????????I'm sick... :-(Flu symptoms peopleAlthough, on my new travel I've packed lightSo light, that all 3 bags are considered carry-on'sReading over how these mens have had me bent over raining tears of painTears of heartbroken, sobbing, sadnessHoney Child I won't miss those previous moonsHello... She must be nutsBut again I repeat, I'm sick... :-(Noone deserves a talent like SheWho wants to arise with such a sun-shined, pure-hearted, hard-loving beauty next to them every morningScares many; Shit, Scared plenty;The haircut, still taking getting use tooBeing single running into Oh Eight, still taking getting use tooPromising self, Christmas was the last set of tears I would shedBut again they overflow my pupilsOh my, I'm sick... :-(God I need a Holy hugA Holy kissA Holy moment to get rid of all thisThe 2nd day and already mourning the life that I wasn't givenThe life that She isn't livingYup..., I'm sick... :-(A chocolate diamond decorating my beauty-marked manicured ring fingerI'm engaged to me, I ANNOUNCEBefore Katie, I was CarrieNomore sex for me in this citySend the gifts peopleI'm marrying meYes... I agreeShe's sick... :-(

Its been a briefMy fingers sore from work related text and email replysI end my friday with half task completeI wanted to see himsigh;I rest my body for the remainder of the nightI need to prepare myself for the family filledSyracusian weekendI rest my eyesI dream bigDreams of relaxing, joyous, smilieful days to comeKnowing my 3 time Princess awaits my arrival @ my Mom's door stepSigh;Sigh;Saturday's 4 hour path went by in a flash as My eagerness grew nearHappiness haunts as I ring the bellLast visit was summer boundThe scent of weekly mowed lawns and pine trees filled the airsAs the Shot Gun door flys open I get my 1st wift of the real winter coldMysterious reallyYet warmingI run up the short flightThere she is... Alerted by her Mother's door lockA kiss to the forehead as she screamsAuntie Nia you're hereI smile with my eyesAs happiness pinches @ my cheeksThe pace has slowed the 1st day has passedI lay in the tub of ahava beaded filled watersMasked face with berry in handSoaking in joyPure family filled joyChristmas they call itJesus this is the best birthdayThank you for allowing me to be apartSigh;

Haunting whispers heard from a farThey grow near as I put my listening sense to the fore front of my attentivenessSomeone or Something is trying to tell me somethingSomething a wise woman probably already knowsI close my eyes and try to make out the wordsThe language barrier has me beatSince American English and I eloped about 24, 25 years agoBut the sounds tell a storyOf painOf hurtOf disappointmentAs my soul reads...Funny how your can sense a feelingEven if your mind can't make out the wordsI'm humble nowMy understanding never seems to be 100% in most casesHowever, I do comprehendMy heart if full...My soul has received somethingSo my inquisitive state can disappear...

God I scream out to youWhy can't I just escapeI know its all meBut why the long chatWhy the abundance of reasonsExcuses if you willI want himI love himI desire himHe's me...But what's the guardIs it that hard to even commit to me @ least 10% of your timeDoes my purpose consist of trails of heartacheWhy must I hurtAlwaysSelfishness haloing over the head of heWhat can you want with little me3years ringing in soon another season/season gone byStill the same stateJust standing byGazing @ the days5year planMy name not on the top list of To Do'sAlcohol filled bodyMouth with constant chatter of a million why'sTell the stories of why not'sNot even a single paragraph of why so'sWhat motivates most lately whispering in my tiny child sized earsBaby talkLaughter appears in mindMy glassy eyes trying their hardest to stay aliveClarity ripping through my skin for the thousandth timeArmpits filled of sadnessI raise my arms to releaseThe smell of stress reaking from my slender frameBoi just bruise me moreI think I dig the fact that the heart I harbour lives a life as being sore

Have you ever had a dream with in a dreamOne reality feels like another when none are actually realityYou wake up out of one trying to fulfill the otherIts cool to know how deep the mind can travelJust something on my medulla oblongata

I took a skinny dip in the pool of attentiveness, affection, shit the pool of Damn...Dude wowed the shit out of meVery unexpectedBut when you allow God to do his work things just fall into placeMy swim was refreshing until the Jaws of honesty took a biteShit...Girlie is speechlessDude wanted to be 100 with me as he submittedHe's in a situationHe has a situationIn my medulla oblongataI have a situation with just about everyoneMy friendsMy familyShit even strangersI was once told Men are from Mars and Women are from VenusSo situation means the top of the food chain for himShe's the oneWow...Speechless...He still wants a situation with me, in my opinionBut shit is it even considered a situationI mean our energy is unprecedented (his words)It's undeniable (his words)However, Karma and I just deaded our beefShe kicked a Girlie's ass once upon a timeDon't want to get back into it with herSo speechless I tell youI have to sit on this oneHaving him grab me up and just passionately kiss me making my heart stop and wanting him more and more is just unexplainableShit I see dude as my textmateYou can't beat that since he's apart of the berry worldSpeechless I tell youSpeechless...I'm going to have 2 talk this over with my GodEveryone enters your life for a reasonFor a seasonBut I've learned once before if somethings too good to be true its not good for youI feel the illness coming onNo cure for this oneSpeechless...Yo...A girlie is speechless...

Swollen tongue sleep in my closed mouthI let him play with it for a brief portion of the nightWanting more of himWanting to arise with himSmitten since our 1st eye matchMissing his touch immenselyAngry with the confusion of aggressionJokes being jokes sometimesNo consistency of mineEnding the call of ?'SFeeling obligations @ such a fast paceI want him nudeBut nude onlyArm and arm not my goalAway is where the head rest primarily during the yearA 5 hour can get me thereBut will it occur???Newbie killing my person alreadyI want the before backThe surprise in the crackerjack boxToo lateI ran the red lightAnother pricey ticket to payClearly I have a problem with speeding

Is there a such thing as standing in loveIf so, can I have that love, please...Because falling in loving is just 2 damn hardI want 2 stand when I loveFuck the fallingI haven't gotten up yetIt feels as if my body has been bolted 2 the ground and my heart has been removed and placed in a jar 4 the human(male) that I thought I fell in love w/ 2 view and make a mockery ofHow R these love tactics even possibleThere has 2 B some unwritten laws about this somewhereIf we're chemically connected what breaks us apart?When I fell, I thought I was holding his handHe truly must of let go and I was oblivious 2 his absenseDid I need my glasses 2 really see his love or maybe a hearing aid 2 hear his loveI like that my vision isn't 20/20 and I can't hear 100% of the timeGod wants me 2 see U as I see U and hear U as I hear UI shouldn't need helpThe prueness of my heart should guide meBut I gotta move out of Oblivion because i'm sick of being bitten by the serpentSo next time it's stand in love 4 meI'm feed up w/ lovers flying over me basking in they're joy and happinessI envy thee who has fallen in love in UnisonI pray 1 day after i've mastered my Stand in love bitI can 2 fall back in love

A semi-hot cup of Jasmine tea to start my day alongWide eyed for whatever thoughts and actions await me, during pm hoursA deep convo with Boss Man has me feeling uneasy about my way of lifeI'm aware that I date a lifestyleBut breaking it off...Hard enough just thinking about itMy fantabulous life reveals so much of my true personOr am I blinded by the enormous bundles of spontaneous happyI approve the preceptions of my job versus the behind my big door worldBut yes a steady income has to come from some whereMy job as a Mobile ConsultantMy career title: " Miss Aspiring Everything"My writings on the walls as well as my mobile wear of poetryJust keeping me afloatBut who is NiaI thought, I knew a pinchUntil the build up of shut downs took a toil on me"You can't continue to shut down when you need to grow," he recitesBut grow amongst pain, I shall notYes I vacate...This is the me I knowYet still growsI feel... (deep breath), I'm afraid of what's different in other worldsI'm exposed in bundles, I presumeBut maybe simple worlds shouldn't be malice in my eyesBut whyThe simple life is still livedMountain top experiences can not always bring joy even if it provides a joyful feelingI question myselfI question my worldShould I dummy down in a senseTake a step back and become Nia(pronounced the correct way)Or does Naya(Nia) still runBut if my feet are moving 2 fast for my soulmate to catch meHow will monogamy ever play out in my purpose driven life"If he gives me diamonds and pearls would I truly be a happy girl"So far no is the outcome of constant years of tearsI'm happy an well aware of my push away of my constant platonic'sThey all reveal themselves through the dateable lifestyleBut again, I want steadyGifts and tripsDining and DickedClothes and CashShoes and BagsAll seasonal really...I need consistencyI desire tomorrowI'm done with know...

The delight of lastnightCouldn't have arrived @ a better timeI needed the bond to get all this friendship pain off my mindDressing up as dreams, movies, or starsAs I gave away my hard feelings with drinks. From 5 different barsLol...You mayI'm feeling it hard as I typeAnd as I say everytime, this is my last fucken nightWe entertained Five different scenesA sultan and his dudeThey cracked jokes of my big feet and my sick ass dance movesThat red wig did it to themShit it did something to meIt had me offically bringing back absolutely sexyChaka Chan slept away, flash dancer posed as we flickedas the sedutive sherrif tried to keep up with my dancing bitI have to thank my Girlies for handing over that nightIt goes to show how much I need yall in my life

Ever step on the iron horse and get a dose of confusing energy?I have...2day my thoughts have been so deep that my mind just pondersI look around @ the various ethic faces that sit and stand b4 meAnd just wonderWhat R their stories?I can't read minds but I do perceive self as being keen when it comes 2 energyBut there are so many different angles that energy bounces uponMoment after momentA chemist couldn't keep trackEven though I can not put my finger onA direct connectionI feel our unconcious love still somehow intertwines

The 1st day after the storm of enormous responsibility as well as constant tasks bought joy into the pits of my heartI felt good all day while the snow dots scattered amongst the city as the sun shinned upon our skiesOne of the weirdest combinations since my own eyewitness of a lunar eclipse in the playgrounds in my youth-filled daysBut when strange bows down before you, only stranger than lerksEnding a daily with seasoned steak a little too... tuff 4 my chompers but settled the hunger rushThen the calls and text rang inOne after anotherHeart drop after heart dropNames rang out @ me as the topic of discussion in church on communion Sunday was how 2 end a bad dayThis one was a go, I supposeBut having a joy filled heart left my mind almost too optimisticThinking only more love and happy was to appearHaving the heart pinched twice in one day only brings me to my knees as I silently scream out his name in vainLORD... MY GODFather why todayI had a good dayToday was a good dayThe 27th year shy of 8 days is running around cornersWhat and who my father allowed to journey with me has come 2 a haultSome passes have expiredThese things or persons will no longer move on 2 my next purpose driven levelsThey've received their timeAnd time waits 4 nooneI'm afraid 2 count3.14 is pieWho's actually going to be left 2 share?

I lay in the darkEyes wide shut with a huge smirk upon my faceDarkness for noone to witnessBut perparing myself for yet another big big positive dreamI hear whispers of joy entering my ears grabbing naps for mornings 1st riseThe smell of pasta and garlic fills my noseA time difference arrivesI see the number 11 and 5 go by in a bubble clashing as they burst togetherChanging my thoughts to focus on my long journey in the still night as I sleepSelf-care is the thoughtReconstructing the inner meSo happy can applaud consistently for the show me capital of this cold worldMy heart beats like the sound of a dripping facetNervousness circles around the butteflies parading in the pit of my tummyI shout out quietly to the universeQuiet my mindI want to sleep in love

My hands tightly closedReady for a punch @ any drawI won't open themEverytime I try to grab something it slips awayThese oily palms won't keep a hold on anything of lateMissing love immenselyOr some form of love @ leastMaybe just the idea of loveFeeling invisible red fingernails stratching @ my deep tissue massaged backSomeone lift this weight off my shoulder bladesI'm trying to concentrate here...His freckles present in my eyesAs I try to blink the vision awaySkinny mini they call meBut I can feel his bones against my chestEat a little a popup thought appearsBut he's perfectMy perfectWell someones perfectAdmiring his profoundnessHis power namesAs weird as they soundI giggle repeating it to selfBut everyone has a Nia(purpose)What's yoursOr should I sayWho's yours???

UnlovableHow I choose to define selfThose that pretend they love me only lust me for a briefHave I been...Wait... Deep breath...Have I been hexed to be unlovableTime allows true colors to shineBut why not seize the good felt deal nowBlack out choicesI choose nowMy hypothesis has proven consistently the wait alters your feelings/emotionsShit, your all around beingWhy switch up when the right now mood is so... rightWho are we destined forOr shall I ask who am I destined forJesus Christ was singleIs that the path of choice for selfHow would my legacy live on through my own offspring if they never had a chance @ lifeI love hardSo hard that I become bitter and vengeful when feelings/emotions become alteredLove should shadow away any don'ts, won'ts, wrongs, negative as a wholeI define love as a ghost of a feelingSomething that haunts you, something you can't get rid ofSomething that appears out of nowhereSomething that makes you sickSomething that gives you joySomething...Everything...Anything...But there's always a but, because, although, or however somewhere awaiting to begin or enter a sentenceBut let it flow, let it be, it is what it is, it's whateverI've heard those terms time and time againBut practice, I shall notNot my method of choiceI feed off truth be it brutal or simplisticI'm off the term obviousSpeak, shout, chat, text, talk, tell me...Shit...Or am I destined to be Unlovable...

Does time really define actionIf you don't activate right now will it be able to operate in the futureDid you ever set your camera on a timer to capture the picture later onJust to seize the momentFreeze timeI wish I used my time wiselyBut should I fault selfI was running off the Lord's clockI can't control Father's timeHe seized his chanceWhile I toyed with my timeEven though he took a stab @ new love and traveled to another time-zoneShould I fault himI was the one toying waiting for a sign from aboveI thought we served the same fatherSo... confused with the different messages we receivedWell I'll stay stuck in my zoneSince I lost him in hersSigh...Until next time

I welcome you to endure the savior pages of my UniverseMy .00000825 experienced earthHow can one call Rome homeWhen across seas has yet been traveledBut seeing through the eyes of another allows me to smell a Thursday's rain on a late Saturday morningWhat's the name of the judge that ordered you not to live vicarously through a stranger's soulOff with his/her headThe story of Alice and Wonderland plays back in my mindPaperpack pages of one stranger's life growing in me like new white blood cellsLeaving should not always require meaning I've come to swallowFinding though provides self significanceMy self significanceMissing pieces to your puzzle may not be in Pandora's box or @ someone's weekly pity partyMaybe they are lost in an untraveled worldI feel and Angel wing growing out my back as my eyes repeatedly shift left to right across the pages of Eat Pray LoveA wine glass shakes on a Romanian Brasserie's table top near byAttraversiamo...(Let's cross over)Jumps out @ meThere's no grief, guilt, pain, regrets, sorrow, sadness, aggravation, humiliation, embarrassment, loneliness, malice acts, negative anything on that sideAttraversiamo...Someone awaits youA new someoneThe YOU you've been purposely placed here to becomeMy earthly charity acts begin nowMy 1st call for duty: Touch one soulNot with my finger tips like a Marvel Comics heroBut with my heart, through my words Here I am Miss. Energy herselfWelcome me UniverseHere I comeWelcome me...

Historic moments in our life trap us in deep thoughtMy mind drifts off to past mistakesPast promisesPast decisionsPast regretsPast hopesEven my past achesI tare @ the pages of my unsung memoryFocusing on the reasoning behind it allAwareness of how the dark clouds are strategically placedTribulation being the money word giving to try and eraseHaving a tiger claw still couldn't rip the pages from this old but, new mindMy brain has been fixedChanging my thought process has only band-aided the wombI heard a quoteTELL YOUR PROBLEMS HOW BIG YOUR GOD IS...I cough up my unanswered prayersA Humming Bird sings near byHe may not be there when I callBut he's always on timeForgiveness I bring forthKnee capping the concreteGod I run to youYet still pondering the daysWhere's the soap???I must wash away the one way loveThe same loves that won't quit loving the difficult meAll present when roll call is recitedIs there even a slot left for one newMove over damnit I think he's here

Cinderella...Cinderella...I hear Step Mama coyote yell my name thru the doorAs I stare in the mirror of PossibilitesI see my glossy pupils lighting up back @ meWhat will this world bring nextLocked up in the Attic of pain waiting for the key to turn the lockFree meJust Free meLet me get a stab @ realityLet me make my fantasy come aliveDaydreaming of twirling in a field of cherry blossoms with a sweet smelling lavender lily in handI take a deep wift of loveThe scent of joy all aroundI blink my eyes and Mama appears with another load of grief for me to washShe screams have these linens pressed by 9Your step sisters and I have a ball to attendA ball...A ball...The ball..., Mama?Yes! But Cinderella noone wants your rags thereYou have enough work to complete here aloneI try to shield the tears brewing inside from bungy jumping on to my checksMy face begins to rainMama exits and slam locks the doorI'm trappedI'm trapped eternallyI toss the linens to the floor and pan down into downward facing dogI acheI acheI'm sure Prince Charming would love to meet this heart of heartEven in rags I can loveI need to release all my carebear love hidden insideI'm going to atomic bomb explode my LordA stink bomb of bitterness seeps thru my mindPatience is a virture they sayMy time will arriveSomeone bring the big black keyFree meJust Free me

To be continued...

"Part Two"

Wait...

A melancholy weekend transformed into a sporatic warming, sunny, blue-skied day dreamHe missed meOnly a two week of a prior face to faceBut my Babe missed meThe 1st of my non-tragic, non-consistent, semi-relationship related connectionsA unknown world of fun with the male speciesMy male speciesMy soul connectorMy very own other halfIs this life???In the companionship form that isI'm loving itOmg I'm loving itExtremely adorable moment after momentAs I feel foot-like steps patter across my heartMy inside crowded with lustful cellsLove escaping into my fragile frameI blink away as a memory of how the feeling of his prescence makes me glow amongst the landHis arms full of me as we lay day after day Night after nightHow can anything feel so rightAll negatives, all stress, all heartache, all low points @ hand shipped offI hear the captain shout, ALL ABOARDWho knew it would be great to be a real GirlfriendPlaying house constantly in the pastNo more Ken's for this mixed-breed BarbieCindrella's glass Jimmy Choos are onJoy around every city corner we turnSplatters of happy as we glide together on the boogie floorMy Charming Adores meKisses for him onlyThis lovely lady in a dress, is takenWait...Just wait...The Cinderella story continues to unfoldWait guysSigh;There's so much more to come...

"Part Three"

Yet Again...

Who's world am I borrowing fromWhat window of dreams am I peeking intoWhat fairy hell have I been casted uponThis is not my storyThis is not how I pictured it to play outWhere are the Bed of White Roses I requestedWhen the projector started rolling I prayed the director had enough film intactMy movie was clearly cut shortI heard a scream...CUT...Back on pause has arrived, yet againMy costar vanished from existenceI didn't know I was on the set of The Invisible ManMaybe I selected the wrong roleI wanted to play CinderellaI am CinderellaHe once joked about me being the Run Away BrideSo what does that make HeSince I'm the one standing with both glass Jimmy Choos in handHe said let's jump together hopefully we land togetherBut no, I just needed to get those damn shoes offMy feet begun to swellMy heart begun to swellAnxiety attack peopleMy pale skin decorated with hivesSomeone come quickGet me out of this dressThere will be no wedding todayMy horse and carriage are ready to go back in the pumpkin patchMy rags reappearedBack in the attic as Step Mother always saidI'll lock myself upAnd throw away the keyI agree nowUnhappily Ever AfterTap your fake magic wand Fairy God MotherTap awayCharming wasn't meant for meMaybe if I turn into a OlgaMy Sherk will appearDragons don't need to guard this castleI'll live here until my dying dayThis heart of mine is brokenCinderella is lost, yet again

Why do u fault meUr dinner and a movie is my Romance in ParisMy South Beach is ur day @ a Public PoolUr chilling and drinking is my sampling of Wine and CheeseUr Gap is my Henri Bendel'sUr local Bodega is my Whole FoodsGirl expose urself...Hennessy is not the only CongacDeep and Spirit r not the only HipHop spotsPackaged hair is not the only weaveRucker is not the only ParkExpose urself....I try 2 think outside the boxI can't limit myself 2 and unexposed WorldWhy R U imtimidated by assumptionsExpose urself...How is it more comfortable 2 stop by Nine West than Chuckies BoutiqueEven if I can't afford anything @ the momentI feel, I belongThis is my EarthUnexposed is just not going 2 BDon't hate on my life styleOur salaries R just about the sameU just choose 2 dine @ BBQ'sI'd rather rich, juicy, mouth watering deep fried Lobster from the Atlanta Fish Market or Sea Bass scewers from TaoI've been exposed, somewhatThere's much 2 come 4 meI have a entire universe awaiting my presenceMemorial weekend wouldn't B my getway 2 Myrtle BeachTravel 2 PhuketTravel 2 MauiTravel beyond...Yes... its a much larger expense but 1 huge trip savior's the memoryWhy must u continously surround urself w/ ur kindDon't b comfortableBecome uncomfortable Spontaneous If U willI promise UThere's a world out there awaiting ur presenceRemember, expose urself...Trip urself up a bit and fall into something's differentU may discover change with ur ownI did...

Tears drown my pillow as I call on My LordPlease not another depressive stateNot another boat load of stressI thought that was lifted once my leave kicked inAlmost 2months and counting of and extended Ferris Buller's Day OffA penny hasn't jingled on my table top thus farHow is one suppose to surviveThe last I checked there aren't any Indian Reservations aroundSo living off the land is completely obsoleteMy right hand holding me down as well as holding me upBe it literally or humanI cry out for helpMaybe someone can hear meBeing it's a soulful silent cryHoping and praying my God will answerSister telling me not to approve the stress that keeps knocking @ my doorDon't sign for itSend it backChanting times approaching againThere isn't a celebrating gene present in this slender bodyNothing but somber energy and moods aroundI try to mask my grief so noone will witness painBut even being halloween clothedA simple stare into my slightly closed chinky's could tell you a long storyI call on himI call his nameJesus...The Son of God...My Lord...Cast a blessing...Grant a wish...Honor a prayer...I need you all over meAll through meWhat to do????Blinks in before my eyesRemove the question marks My Lord and end the story...

Its 2:26am and I must testify that I am completely and utterly engouled by this book. Life keeps flashing before my eyes and I become Liz more and more. The secret has dropped a piano of grace in the center of my chest. Life has taken a new course in the learnings of my world. I will become more adventurous than ever before. I've discovered it's clearly okay to experience the unknowing and having significance with self is far more important than achieving a meaningless goal. Life will never again be malice in my eyes and living for the moment has become more celebratory than ever. I can big-smile and actually feel my cheeks crack with joy. I'm unsure what you guys will receive from the story of one stranger's life, but I respect and honor the stories of any and every strange self from this point on. What's decorated on a person's face can go far more deeper than a regular bad day. The good in good should be rejoiced and the complaints can be buried for eternity. I live today... For once, close your eyes and allow your dreams to feed your soul. Why not dream big and bright so when your joy rings in your ears in the morning a new you is born. I don't want to rattle on with my new beginnings but it feels good to share. Parla come magni (speak the way you eat).

I was thereWindowing your storyPeeking into your worldRight next to the small green fountain in the middle of the libraryDid you see the the broken glass near your left footI didYou wore a multi colored tunicYou held fresh picked berry's in your right handYou hair was in a disarray from the lustful windYour eyes blinked of frustrationYou snacked on fruits while you read the daily journal of italyI cried out to youI felt so aliveI never wanted to live moreYou heard meYou had tooYou peeked up twice to the sound of my raspy voiceRemind me again of your next travelMy heart and soul are already packed

Your smile is my frownYour up is my downYour day is my nightYour left is my rightYour happy is my sadYour joy is my madYour touch is my tapYour world is my mapYour wealth is my poorYour commitment is my whoreYour house is my roomYour summer is my juneYour car is my feetYour career is my 40+hrs a weekYour shopping is my browseYour then is my nowYour month is my yearYour trust is my careYour voice is my hushYour love is my lust

And to know now, why I'm not good enough

I still walk with my head held highAs my heart cries outI so... miss that guy

Smitten by being bitten all over @ onceThe movie scene shark attackWords darting @ me as I dodge the excuses bubbling and brewing from his 5 by 7 lipsHow long has it beenUno, dos, tresI'm not hispanicDick Clark stop the clockI have one last question before I dive into the 12 ft depth pool and drown myselfHell no I still can't swimBut I will open my eyes under watersSince I feel blind on landDid you put eggs in the cake???

The sprinkling of the sand across the earth gave a true balance of creativity.It allowed us to be more open-minded in how simple you can be swallowed up by something that appears identical to every other grain.It grants some form of clarity in knowing how valuable the 5 senses we all posess that were instilled in all of our unique, individual, God created designs can become.As well as the importance in utilizing them.

A meteor of happy flew thru my cold bedroom windowStrange thing isn't itThese unseasonal temps have my mind jogging in so many different directionsCan't keep a steady head to save my lifeBut this cold draft of necessary joy I feel nowIts keeping my chubby cheeks kissing my eyelidsMy prayer has been answeredNearly a full month of crying outSince Christmas morning arrived with continuous tearsOne email and I'm fullI even dialed up only to hang upNeeded just a voice of one single wordHELLOThe biggest holiday of my year running in and I feel its going to be a great oneEven though he has no clue or maybe he doAll this pie is just for youHe can believe me that I don't even have a desire to shareI wanna feel his collarbone pierce my back againAs he shelters my bodyHave you ever felt cloud comfortMe either but for some reason laying with him feels like nothings even underneathAnd nothing can bring me downDamnIn the words of UsherI got it bad

How can one love with a cold heartI'm freezing right nowFrom what I've learned, love warms the soulSo not in my caseI'm totally suffering from HypothermiaWhy thoughIs being a dick so much easier than being coolI don't ask for muchI don't feel a connection through soul'sSo you being my soulmate is completely obsoleteStill a chance takenBut why even try with meA baby could arriveThen whatA cold heart can kill us bothI refuse to be a bitter parentI told myself to quitBut addicted to disrespect, I mustHow can one just vanish right after you departNo communication as if oceans are seperating contactDo I deserve thisMust I cry everytimeFrozen tears watering my cheeksWho are you and why were sent to kill me

Confused and frustrated w/ ur sudden subborn waysGoing 2 bed thinking will it all again fade awayIs his interest missed or am I 2 much right nowWill he ever get up enough guts 2 explain 2 me howArriving again @ another questionable pointIs it by fate or faith or did I have 2 many pulls from that jointMy mind being a floating cloudI can't get him out of my headHowever, I can't seem 2 remember the last thing he saidAm I crazy 4 yearningShould I even feel love from nothing @ allStill texting the same goodnite my luv, awaiting his call

Am I meanIs my energy sometimes negatively receivedCan I be a blade in the back @ timesIf so, check meDoes my attitude stinkR there black clouds hovering over meIs my spirit evilIf so, check meDoes my mouth turn up or down oftenDo I make other's feel gloomyDo I complain about nothingDo I seek out all the wrong in peopleIf so, check meDo U consider me a friendly individualCan I be posionous @ timesDo I bring rain 2 the already sunny daysHave U ever compared me 2 a sour fruitIf so, check meAm I loud all the timeDo I wear alot of dark tonesAm I easily annoyedAre my patience extremely shortIf so, check meDo I swear alotDo I talk over othersDo I talk about othersAm I a terrible listenerHave U felt that I was vengefulIf so, check meAm I the king crab in the barrelDo I mettle in everyone elses businessDo I tell secretsDo I discuss people w/ everyone but that personCan I not be trustedIf so, check meAm I a hard person 2 deal w/Do I carry alot of baggageAm I the last person 2 callAm I the 1 U really hateIf so, check meIf U haven't checked me,look in the mirror and check me

A simplistic warming gracious feelingWow...Classic...As the girls recite throughout our STARR-STUDDED weekendMiami wasn't prepared for what we offered5 dazzling beauties in your presence all @ onceMaybe... Too heavy for mostAnd yes, we layed it on thickIt was like time stood still just for our arrivalAnd the abundance of joy and happiness we felt is non-measurableI'm suffering from vacation-separation anxiety as we speakI so needed that...I so required that...We needed to bond amongst eachotherUnder the South Beach Sun couldn't have been a better choice of locationOur closeness now is so unbreakableWe see self for selfShit, we respect self for selfI love my dawgsI'm honored to have such wholehearted persons in my lifeBar dancing without negative judgement or dirty looksHot tub after-party playStill no negative judgementUnlimited amounts of index finger(lol) taco meat(lol) jokesStill same mood, same positive-happy energyDefines true love, true joy, true happy...In my opinionJust pure appreciation of all being on the same levelGirlies thanks...Fuck a dude sometimesI got yall babyLol...Non... I wouldn't take it there...(*_*)...

20 minute ride of ka-glom brain blogging puzzles while I listen 2 next stop being recited over and over in my headI try 2 drown out the sound while my imagination drifts off gazing @ the cloud of love halowing over headThe short trip intercepts as I exit the iron horse with a sly smirk upon my faceeyes glitzing from happy almost tears27th year approaching and 3.14 is pie @ my finger tips once againI set a goal upon my heartI told my soul she would meet her mate and would beweb by the zero ocho yearOptimism stands but summed up in such a brief time frameQuestioning purpose after purpose as the numbers 3,1,4 appear in every transation I processThey haunt meI wonder if the taunt is 2 remind me of another me or the previous mePraying each day that something new makes me smile

Smack dead in the middle of the worldMy head feels like the equator @ this pointI'm steamingMy temperature has brewed to the maximum I know I'm about to over boilWho knew questions could warrant actions of answers like thisI'm a very open personEven if my Berlin Wall still stands sometimesI protect myselfI need the whole story not just the 1st few pages you read in the beginning of every newspaperChanting optimism keeps me happy insideBut negative acts twirl before my eyesDigging me can only go but so deepThe shovel had hit the coreI smiled during the previous moonThe jelly brought about joy in my tender soulI wanted to shift my plans just for the adornment of HeBut went with it anyhowWith nothing but nothing occurringNausea raping my body of good feelingsSoulmate feelingsAll this for HeHe being the malice oneClarity He longed forAre things clear now...

I miss you @ these consistent cold hours. I just knew you would be my cuddle buddy. Crawled up in bed wrapped around eachother in twister form. Both of us smiling inside just feeling good to have a comfortable lay in unison. Those days have passed because we both made bad choices. If only we chose together new days would unfold.

My boomerang left my handsI can still feel the force left on my pale finger tipsI watched it glide threw the air like the Airbus flight that landed @ JFK port in the previous moon of todayI had to release itThe pain that I held onto only made me worseDoc visit to discover my shoulder still not in complete workable conditionNeither is my tender heartAlthough, insecurities took a hikeI threw Boomerang out thereI gave it my last painful right swing of the seasonI've been hovering over Boomerang since our 1st eye match that nightAnd for whatAll for whatNo intentions @ all of me being a keeperConfusing reallyI've never been attracted to the selfishBut I ran by BoomDreaming of happyFantasizing of worlds to comeBoomerang getting in lineOur lineAs we walk within eachother togetherI've waited it outSame outcomeSame questionsSame answersNoUnconscious control over me for days pastNot allowing days to comeReading over my words seeing how broken I've beenOblivous to Boomerang's holding gameAs special as I amAs gifted as I've becomeMy friends upset with my actionsNo explaination of how I let it get this damn badMemory crashedBut knowing deep inside how Boom really feelsRequesting hypnosis to feel or hear truthBut held deep inside will never heal my heartI need to let goRemoval of memories for one-self healingEven though I owe royalties to Boom for starting me back on my craftI toss Boom out my guarded windowMy Boomerang glides across all skiesI nod my head of tearsI nod my head of almost two whole yearsCiaoOnly God knows if I'll see you, hear you or feel you againSomeday...

The feelings in me are runneth overJoy is nibbling @ my cheeksI feel wonderfulMy lastnight eye match with my 27 inch sony has me on a whole new pathI'm living the secretLend me your ear let me tell you about itThere will be no moods a swingingHappiness is here to stayI'm in love with me this dayI'm accepting me and marketing my grateful self to the worldThe law of attraction has reacted in my favor alreadyA positive thought can seize a dreadful moment anydayThis smile has been tatooed on my beautiful faceAnger and bitterness has been buriedWhat happens to me from here forth will be in my controlI'm the mother of my destinyGod is my creator and I will live in fear of him onlyI'm going where my positive energy flowsNothing is stopping me nowPositive persons ruleIf gay means happyThen fruit cake it is...

Waitress Twenty Eight days in and still stuck in the same positionI no longer want to wait on tables of loveServing up self, time and time again1st course2nd course3rdShit I've given 7 course meals out to someEven if my friends have been tipping wellI haven't taken any of their opinions into considerationI want to fight for loveBut it just wasn't enough to help me surviveSame meal every nightGoodnight my loveI love youAnd the universe seems to have blocked the deliveryMaybe what I placed before him is not what he's eatingWell today I quitMy waitress duties are doneI'm going to run with the tips that I've earnedI need a new job anyhowWaiting was never going to cut itI dream too big for thisTalent pinch me hardI'm taking my show back on the roadThe story I once lived was majesticalBut baby the book is closedApplaud me as I bowDorothy dropped a house on me last nightDing Dong the waitress is dead

My Story

PROVERBS 3:13-19
Happy are those who find wisdom and those who get understanding. For her income is better than silver and her revenue better than gold. She is more precious than jewels and nothing you desire can compare with her. Long life is in her right hand; In her left hand are riches and honor. Her ways are ways of pleasantness and all her paths are peace. She is a tree of life to those who lay hold on her; Those who hold her fast are called happy.