Friday, April 8th, 2016

Get out the party hats and noisemakers, because according to my email…

It’s National my Social Security Week!

It’s about to get wild up in here! Woooo! National my Social Security Weeeeeeeeeek! What does this email say?

Because you are a my Social Security account holder, you understand the importance and value of planning for your future. Share this understanding with your friends and family—and even your colleagues and neighbors—by encouraging them to sign up for a my Social Security account.

Oh how well you know me, flatterers employed by the Social Security Administration. I do understand the importance and value of planning for my future. That said, I don’t know that I’m likely to chat up my friends and neighbors about signing up for an online Social Security account. I will, however, publically mock the very idea of doing so, while still linking to your site. I suspect that may prove just as effective!

The email also suggests that I let folks know the benefits they can enjoy:

…having a my Social Security account means they can request a replacement Social Security card if they meet certain requirements; that they can check their benefit and payment information and their earnings record; that having a benefit verification letter is right at their fingertips, and much more!

Honestly, I don’t see any reason to limit this conversation to just friends, family, colleagues and neighbors. Why, I can talk up the positives of having a benefit verification letter readily available to strangers on the street, children, and of course, women at bars.

Unfortunately, I find one particular line rather disconcerting:

April 4th through 13th is the celebration of our third National my Social Security Week.

It appears that the Social Security Administration believes a week is ten days long, stretching from Monday through the next Wednesday. I’m now quite concerned that when I retire, they’ll only send me a “monthly” check every fifty days or so.

I’m just kidding, of course. Social Security will be bankrupt long before I ever get to collect.