An academy for growth and guidance

Month: May 2016

Let’s face it! We can’t separate the two. It is inevitable that our kids are addicted to smartphone/tablets and social media. As parents what can we do? Let our children decide about social media? Probably not! So how do we convey our concerns?

This is the hardest part! When communicating we need to make sure to convey our concerns and worry. Miscommunication can occur as easy if we are not careful about what/how we convey! The apps that our kids are exposed to are so advanced and many in number that we can hardly comprehend its usage! Nevertheless it is our duty and responsibility to know about the app and the danger it poses.

Some of the apps that we need to look out for are Whisper, Tumblr, Tinder, Snapchat, Kik etc. Though these apps are alternate to the ones already available some of the features that should make us concerned are copying the profile information from another social media site like Facebook or Twitter, children not requiring to create an account in order to post something or share with someone. These apps are warning bells for parents and needs to be attended to tentatively.

Some of the things that may enable us some peace of mind is limiting the time of usage of smartphone/tablet. There is a need to convey the danger of using certain social media apps. Additionally we can also discuss with them about the need of a certain app and its safe usage. How can we achieve this? Earlier we had mentioned about communication and this is the time to use it, use a calm and rational method and convey our concerns.

Although difficult we may approach our kids to enable us to ‘friend’ them and ensure that our role shall only be passive and almost invisible. This enables us to keep track on the things that our kids share and also about who their friends are. If we find something suspicious, we cannot immediately question our kids. Since our role is ‘passive’ we need to find ways to gather more information about the person/ sharing and broach the subject tentatively. We can do this only with more information! Further we can open the channel of communication by masking our concerns as queries. Nothing too intense but like a general interest.

The intention in all this is to make sure our kids are not misled and even if they do, we know about it in time and take action. Social media though dangerous has become a need for our kids to stay updated. Hence it is time for us to make best of the available options.

To know more about reaching out to kids and communicating better with them, Prerana Academy is commencing a certification course in children and teenagers in June 2016. Log on to www.preranaacademy.com to know more.

I will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because he will find an easy way to do it.

Bill Gates

The above statement indicates a preference of a smart working individual over a hard working individual! Why?

It’s new gained information that smart people are not always happy! so is the case in hard working people too! But the whole reason people are trying to be smart is to find more time for themselves. Then why is it that more often than not, smart people are found unhappy?

Let’s review, what does it take to be smart?

Smart people need to be proactive

Smart people need to be always on alert

Smart people need to keep their brain occupied with ways of doing things differently

Smart people are always driven

Smart people always want the best out of the situation.

The list seems endless and it is so much pressure added on top of the work to be done. In being busy with being smart we often forget the most important thing for sustenance: Happiness. Giving happiness equal amount of importance is probably what separates the successful individual from smart individual. We often find smart people asking “I am doing all the things that should take me to the next level! Why am I not there?” take a pause, rewind and review your “Smart Work”. You will often find happiness missing from it.

Maybe being smart pushes being happy to a lesser priority or we think that at a time we can achieve either of one. Why can’t both go hand in hand! Can’t we think of a way to accommodate smart work and happiness into our life? What would be the outcome? We need to find the reason that is putting a dent in being happy: unhappiness. Once this is tapped, the work ahead becomes bearable.

If we look back at smart people and successful people we may find a huge gap. According to many research conducted people who are smart often forget to include happiness whereas successful people not only included being happy but also give it a high priority (probably more than being smart or work itself). Money, car, building etc will not buy happiness; if we look closely happiness lurks around the people we love. These are the people who take away the pressure of being smart by just their presence in our life.

The bottom line: smart/hard work is holistic and works best when combined with happiness.

“I am sorry! I did not mean what I said, I was angry”, how many of us have said these words and heard others saying?

What makes us angry? Why do we feel anger so intense that we actual forget the incident, situation and people involved? What happens to us when we are angry? Once we are done being angry regret, guilt or similar emotion immediately follows.

Anger has psychological and physical repercussions. When we feel angry, we tend to show it out physically by clenching our fists, bulging our eyes, rapid breathing etc. Psychologically it manifests in illogical thoughts, rampant conclusions etc. Logic becomes an alien word when in anger. The trigger for anger in different for each individual and trying to narrow it down is futile.

When in anger, we have seen people react impulsively. They scream, shout, throw tantrums etc. We wonder the intensity of anger which makes a person behave so!

Even more shocking are the extreme acts performed when in anger like killing a person, becoming violent, abusive etc. These are cases beyond the realm of counseling. In cases where anger is a less intense habitual emotion, counselors can be of great help.

Rewinding back to an incident where a person gets angry! A counselor will try to get to the bottom of the emotion: the trigger. Once the trigger is narrowed down through constant digging, the emotion can be dealt with. The counselor in these cases will enable us to identify our trigger process and help to come up with ways of dealing.

Can`t my anger be dealt without a counselor?

It definitely can be! The paramount issue is identifying the trigger both psychologically and physically, how this is achieved is of less importance. Once known, the work doesn’t stop there, we need to keep digging into our lives in the apt direction to reach to actual issue of ‘what in that situation made us angry?’. This is where counselors come in handy, if we stray off the path their make sure we are put right back on and ensure work gets done.

That being said, the aftermath of anger is of grave importance. We usually end up spoiling relationships, hurting our loved ones, creating unwanted stress and tension etc. the aftermath is an ugly picture to confront hence we try and avoid the incident. This increases the distortion of the relationship further. Issues and incidents with anger need to be dealt with on priority. This ensures that we are on the path of dealing with anger and in turn enables a person to view our process and help them to co-operate with us.

What is it about holidays that brings with it joy and freedom to kids but anxiety and tension for parents?

The moment holidays and kids come in the same sentence, as parents we are on high alert. “It is my duty to keep my child occupied”, “what will happen if he/she forgets about school and learning”, “my child is out of control when holidays start”, hence summer camp. There are many institutes and centers which pry on these thoughts of ours and are becoming more and more creative with keeping the kids busy or there are tons of articles on how to keep OUR child busy during summer.

Let’s take a moment to calm our thoughts and take a deep breath to ask ourselves:

“Why am I sending my child to summer camp?”

If we are calm enough to relate to our thought process, we often realize that it is OUR anxiety that pushes kids to the door of the camp. We become anxious about many things: How will my child face the peer pressure? I am sure my child will miss learning if they do not attend the camp? These are the thoughts that rule our decision making. Instead shouldn’t our decision be based on “what do the kids want to do?” or “what do our kids need from us?” Maybe our children are exhausted from the academic pressures and want to just ‘chill’ or they want to spend time with family in the house or with friends outside.

The moment we become parents we feel it is our primary responsibility to think and feel on behalf of our kids. Agreed that infants are dependent on us more but as our kids grow we need to create an environment where a child feels free and safe to express their needs and feelings. It may not sit well with us all the time but our kids feel heard and acknowledged. Giving a choice or asking for their opinion empowers the child. This also consoles a parent with regard to their choice. This lays the foundation for when a child becomes an adolescent. When the summer camp becomes a conscious choice for both the parent and the child, it tends to be more acceptable.

Let the kids be kids! When in anxiety or tension or frustration just pause and ask:

“I am feeling this for whom?”

You will be surprised that more often than not we will be feeling all those emotions because WE feel that we will not be able to handle kids during holidays or that OUR child will be left behind.

To enable you to relate to your children’s need and create a protective and safe environment, Prerana Academy is conducting a certification course on children and adolescents. For more details log in to http://www.preranaacademy.com