Homeland Security Closes In On Andre The Giant’s Posse.

Hot on the heels of foiling the Mooninite bomb plot, DHS is close to apprehending thousands of suspects linked to Andre the Giant’s Posse. Secretary Michael “take your” Chertoff was quoted as saying “We have been tracking this threat for years, and have worked hard to infiltrate the chain of command of Andre’s organization.”

When asked about the whereabouts of the elusive Andre the Giant, Chertoff said that rumors of his death were misinformation and that all their intelligence had pointed to his location being a cave in the Poconos. “We’re going to get this guy…You have my word on it.”