Spider Is Fierce For Fierceness Sake

How boring and human is it to think that the female crab spider would change colors to ward off predators and cajole plasma-swollen bugs into webs? Pshaw. Who drinks blood anymore? Vampires are out! Centaurs are in! Fashion spiders are innest of all! Stop scratching your heads scientist-people! Don’t be all up in de rigeur arachnid biznass, harshing the mellow, weezin’ the juice, and trying to divine some sort of evolutionary FUNCTION for the spider looking appropriately resort seasonish on a resort seasonish flower. There are no reasons, there is only FASHION! Fashion that maybe should crush these delicate exoskeletons to make pigment because these bitches WORK. Unless crushing them unbinds the magic to restore dun-colored, ugly, plain-jane reality and these formerly Bollywood-looking happytime outsides go back to looking uggo. Hungry, dead, AND unpopular? What scientist will look at you NOW spider? That’s what you get!