This, of course, is scary. Your lack of control fosters racing thoughts that usually culminate in two simple thoughts that jump into your head at almost the same time and they are: “I’m okay” or “I’m not okay.”

The problem is that the human brain has trouble holding two opposing thoughts at the same time. This leads to something called cognitive dissonance, which is a form of mental tension.

It’s often what’s responsible for your avoidant behavior as you strive to dodge situations that could trigger anxiety.

But those aren’t the only issues. You also have to contend with the fact that anxiety is super negative. I imagine that if anxiety were a person it would be the type to complain about everything.

All this taken together makes anxious thoughts stand out in your mind. However, that doesn’t mean that you have to listen to those negative thoughts.

In today’s episode of The Anxiety Guru Show, I explore what you can do to boost your confidence and win the fight against cognitive dissonance.

But over the years I’ve realized that acceptance alone isn’t enough, especially when you’ve just begun the recovery process.

To be honest, anger kept me focused and fed my curious analysis of anxiety. It gave me the courage and strength I needed to break the zombie-like trance I was in.

Take a moment to think about what emotion will drive you to work on your anxiety. Once you’ve done that use that feeling to make good use of this list:

Way #1: Create a clear vision

There’s a good chance that you spend too much time being surprised by your anxiety-related problems. That’s despite seeing the same ones every day.

They keep shocking you over and over again. So, for starters – try something different, like creating a new vision of you.

What would it feel like to not be anxious anymore? What new things would you do? How freaking cool would that be? Being problem focused isn’t helpful, but imagining yourself at peace is a good start.

Way #2: Exercise your personal power

Once you have created a clear vision, take action. Otherwise, what you end up with is a set of vague goals and unmet expectations.

This, of course, isn’t the easiest thing in the world to pull off. Anxiety is all about overthinking rather than overdoing. As your first power act, take out a pen and paper and apply the steps below to your own situation.

Way #3: Decide what you want

Unfocused wants feed doubt and keep you on a path to nowhere. Having clear, laser-focused goals however, make recovery more likely.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always liked Christmas gifts that I asked for ahead of time a lot more than any surprise I ever got. So take the guess work out of the process and determine what direction you want to go in.

Way #4: Write down what you want

If you don’t write down what you want, it won’t happen. In my view, if you don’t take the time to write down your goals, they don’t exist.

Way #5: Set realistic goals

When you set unrealistic goals it means hoping for one thing and getting something else on a regular basis.

This could create a tremendous sense of hopelessness and kill your progress, so please don’t do this.

Way #6: Start with baby steps

Don’t make yourself crazy with big goals. Start small and work your way up. That way every time you meet a small goal you’ll see progress and stay motivated enough to move on to the next phase.

Way #7: Don’t be a perfectionist

On some level high anxiety is about control – having it, keeping it, even craving it makes anxious people happy.

But if you want to recover from abnormal anxiety you’re going to have to practice having less of it.

While you work on your anxiety you will experience all kinds of setbacks and things will not always go your way. Expect things to go wrong from time to time and celebrate when they don’t.

Way #8: Build a support system

Okay, so this has nothing to do with complaining to your mom. We all need to do that sometimes, but it’s not actually a solution.

What is an actual solution is being connected to others. Spend time with your friends and family and don’t talk about your anxiety while you do it. Simply enjoy their company and get out of your head.

Way #9: Let yourself feel

As you do all of this, don’t forget why you’re doing it. Let yourself feel all your emotions, no matter how bad, so that you are reminded of why you need to exercise, eat right, meditate, or whatever you decide to do to lower your anxiety.

In this week’s episode of The Anxiety Guru Show, I explore how you can stay motivated as you work towards decreasing your stress and anxiety.

It’s 2am when I suddenly awoke from a rare but deep sleep, well, deep for me at least. Of course, I can’t simply fall right back asleep because now I have to use the bathroom.

I notice that I’m still pretty tired so I am telling myself to focus on this feeling instead of thinking about what I need to do the next day.

That pesky To Do list is lurking in the corner of my mind and doesn’t like to be put in time-out.

As soon as the fog lifts from my tired brain worry is front and center and plagues me for the next 2-3 hours.

A few nights of bad sleep have now turned into many years, so many that I can’t even remember when it started. It has become utterly agonizing at times.

If I am lucky I fall asleep around 5am and get another hour or two of sleep in, however, this means I won’t get a workout in because I am too tired to get out of bed.

Exercise is one key step in relieving anxiety and improving sleep and now I am again skipping something so vital to managing my own anxiety.

If this is your story, or something similar, I want you to know that you are not alone. I am right there with you.

I know all too well what it’s like to not get enough sleep night, after night, after night and how it affects the next day.

When I can’t sleep no matter how bright blue and sunny the Southern California sky is, and how warm and balmy the ocean air feels , everything looks grey and dull.

I obsess over when I will be done with what I’m doing so I can sneak in a nap.

There have been many, many days where I have even taken a nap in my car during my lunch break.

I have had to drive to quiet, hopefully deserted, but hopefully safe, parking lots just so I could get some sleep to make it through the rest of the day.

I can’t think clearly. I am not creative at all. I have no desire to make any decisions or try to do anything that requires concentration or forethought.

Everything I do feels like I have an extra 30 pounds of weight on me.

Lack of sleep can cause you to feel hopelessness, anger, frustration, sadness, irritability to the point that you are just sick and tired of trying to manage this gorilla on your back.

When I do get a good night’s sleep it’s amazing how wonderful life is. I feel like I can conquer the world. Everything is brighter and more colorful then usual.

I laugh and have fun. Life has a happy glow about it and I am motivated to do more, achieve more and accomplish my goals…until the evening descends…and I never know what to expect.

From the many clients I have had over the years the one thing I have witnessed over and over again is that change does not occur until you are REALLY, TRULY sick and tired of being who or how you are.

I’ve decided that it’s time to take charge of my insomnia rather than allowing it to control me. In my search for answers this is what I found:

Surprising (well surprising to me anyway) causes of Insomnia

Cortisol

What is it? Cortisol is a hormone that is released when we are faced with a stressful event whether it be real or imaginary. Low levels of glucose in the blood also known as low blood sugar can increase cortisol levels as well.

One of the purposes of cortisol is to awaken us so we are ready to fight or flee the metaphorical tiger that is attacking us.

The problem with the insomniac is that they remain in a state of constant wakefulness because they don’t get the deep, restorative sleep necessary to bring cortisol levels back to normal.

Therefore, cortisol levels build up in the blood and keep the insomniac in a constant state of hyperarousal.

Hyperarousal

What are the physical effects on your body? Cortisol, Norepinephrine and Epinephrine are released into the body to aid in the “fight or flight” response.

Norepinephrine raises the heart rate, which causes glucose to be released as energy and blood to flow to the muscles.

Respiration is faster, blood pressure and levels of blood sugar are also increased. You are in a state of extreme alertness which means all of your senses are heightened. You are ready to fight.

When the stressful event has passed though, your body should be able to release these hormones and go back to normal, of course, this isn’t always the case.

If you are someone with chronic anxiety then you may be in state of hyperarousal most of your waking hours which makes it nearly impossible for your body to calm down and release these stress producing hormones.

Low Blood Sugar

I would have to say that this was the most surprising fact I have recently discovered. According to an article written by Dr. Flannery the reason we wake up at 2am is due to low blood sugar levels.

Because our bodies are fasting throughout the night our blood sugar levels lower which kicks cortisol into gear to get those levels back to normal.

Now our bodies are in a heightened state of awareness which can jolt us awake.

Thoughts are Things

Be mindful about sleep related thoughts. According to clinical Psychologist Steve Orma, author of “Stop Worrying and Get To Sleep” , how we perceive our sleep situation and the association we have with where we sleep (i.e. bed, bedroom) plays a huge part in getting a good night’s sleep.

At this point you are probably thinking, alright, I have a good idea about the effects of insomnia, but how do I overcome this obnoxious habit I have gotten myself in to?

Here are 9 steps you can take that may help relieve your state of fight or flight and get you back in balance.

#1. Take time each day to worry

I know…I know…this sounds crazy especially to an insomniac. Yet, giving yourself permission to worry actually provides some small sense of relief.

Have you heard of the cliche “Whatever you resist persists?” As anxious people we are prone to this and get into the habit of worrying about EVERYTHING.

Rather than fight it do something about it. Start with giving yourself permission to take 10 or 15 minutes a day to write down all of your worries.

When you do this two things happen, for one, when that worry starts to suck you can tell yourself that you have already over analyzed the thought and beat the hell out of it, so you can give yourself permission to let it go until the next day.

Two, in Psychology there’s this phrase “Prescribe the Problem.” The theory is that when you are given permission to act out the problem you get the opportunity to take control of it.

And once this happens you might just get bored of the problem behavior and dump it altogether.

#2. Take time to process your day

Worrying suppresses your ability to process what is going on in the moment.

This could be a major contributor to how or if we go to bed. I know for myself the end of the day is when I seem to run through my day and the next.

This might be because I can finally stop and relax which allows all my suppressed thoughts to pop into my mind.

Journaling is a simple, yet effective technique that lets your thoughts stream out of your head.

You are taking control of your thoughts rather than being run by them. You are probably thinking, I don’t have time to write down every negative thought and every situation that happened that day.

I hear ya! I am probably the busiest person you will meet (as my friends like to tell me).

But you can choose just one or two situations that caused you more anxiety then normal and write about those.

What happened? Why did that particular situation bother you? How can you resolve this issue and move on? Keep it basic.

#3. Plan out your day

This is a step that hands down works for me. I have been using this technique since undergrad. I start with the deadline, work my way back, and write in my calendar when I will begin working on a particular project.

I also write out the steps that I will take so that I know exactly what I need to do when the time comes.

This way I am not under pressure to figure out my best course of action.

Establishing deadlines and planning out my action steps gives me comfort by knowing that the task will be completed and I don’t have to obsess over it right now in this very moment.

#4. We are what we eat

I have tried almost all of these and eventually my body becomes immune to the remedy, however, I would rather keep trying the all-natural way then get to the point of popping pills every night.

Here are a list of foods, vitamins and herbal options that can help decrease cortisol levels and help increase sleep:

#8. Meditate

There is so much research out there about the benefits of meditation and it’s easy to find via the internet that I am not going to rehash it here. What I want to address is my own experience.

What I know is I have had high blood pressure for the last year which I have never had before and it doesn’t run in my family.

I believe this is largely due to insomnia and having an overabundance of cortisol levels in my blood.

For the anxious person sitting in a chair for more than 5 minutes trying to calm your thoughts can be agonizing until you really get good at it.

If this is the case for you here are some suggestions that have worked for me and my clients.

For some taking a walk is meditative. So is being creative such as dancing, cooking or crocheting/knitting (all three are my personal favorites).

Another idea is get some Mandala’s and crayons and act like that 5 year old you once were. Color away. Be creative.

These activities force your mind to focus on the present moment which stops your mind from racing and worrying about the past and future.

There is a quote I really like and it goes like this, “If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future you are pissing on the present.”

Remember that when your thoughts get away from you.

#9. Stop fighting so hard

Probably one of the hardest things to do EVER. Accept that anxiety is something that must be managed just like managing your finances or your weight. It takes time, planning and practice.

Now I look at anxiety as something that is concrete and not abstract. As something that I must give energy to on a daily basis if I want to sleep better and lower my blood pressure.

Know that you are not alone. If anything you have Paul and I to support and guide you through this maddening condition.

There may be hope…what current research has to say

A Harvard neurologist, Patrick Fuller and his team, may have discovered an area of the lower brain stem that he calls the parafacial zone.

The lower brain’s main function is to be a highway sending signals to the upper brain and cerebellum.

Fuller and his team have found that this area could be triggered to rush Gaba to the upper brain. Gaba is a neurotransmitter that aids in sleeping and calms down our nervous system.

These findings are still in the very early stages but if this is the case scientists may be able to develop a drug that can help us insomniacs get into a deep sleep without the repercussions that many drugs.

Until these sleep aids are produced though, I hope that the tips and information here give you hope that you can wake up in the morning and feel energized rather then beat down and exhausted. I hope that you can conquer your insomnia and Get To Sleep.

To learn more about how to improve your sleep listen to this week’s episode of The Anxiety Guru Show. Paul spoke with clinical psychologist Dr. Steve Orma to get the details about better sleep.

Let me guess. You want to get better without taking drugs? Yes, of course you do. I did too. It sounds pretty good, right? No side-effects, no one questioning your toughness or stability; it would be perfect.

What’s crazy is that it isn’t some wild dream. You probably agree, yes? That’s why you’re busy trying to imbue this dream with life.

You eat right, you exercise, you meditate; it’s all perfectly reasonable. And that’s exactly why you feel so frustrated. No matter what you do, you’re not making any progress.

Even those of you that overcame your doubts about drugs and use them now probably still struggle. So why is this happening?

If you’re doing anything wrong it’s that your approach is too generic. It’s not your fault though. Everyone pretty much does the same thing.

For me, this makes sense. If a person is stressed, then they will have higher levels of cortisol in their blood. This in turn will lead to sleep problems, palpitations, nervousness, even paranoia.

So instead of saying that you should “lower stress” I urge you to “lower your cortisol levels.” Instead of saying that you should exercise, I will steer you towards useful exercises – when to do them and how to do them right.

Doing the right thing at the right time is how you get better. Unfortunately, the “right things” change depending on what stage of change you’re in. If you move too fast, or skip steps, all progress stops, and you end up stuck.

Moving from one stage to the next requires that you learn new skills, and actually use them, which always stinks. Most of us like learning a lot more than we like doing, but learning alone isn’t going to solve your problems.

I’ve worked with hundreds of anxious people and this seems to be a major problem for most of them. And if it’s a problem for you too you might be screwed.

The solution: identify specific things you can do and break them up into smaller tasks. You should start by calming your body.

The truth is that if you want to get better you have to reduce your physical symptoms first. Once your body is calm(er) then you can move on to the next phase, which is addressing your anxious thoughts.

To help you get started, I will explain how you can use food to lower cortisol levels. Let’s dive in!

Learn to Understand Cortisol

Cortisol is a steroid hormone that is released into the body when your stress response is triggered. Once your adrenal glands fire off cortisol into the blood you can develop much more than just anxiety.

Top 4 Cortisol Killing Nutrients

Did you know that being dehydrated can increase your cortisol levels? Turns out that if you’re even a little dehydrated not only can your cortisol levels go up, but it can also cause your heart and lungs to race. Drinking more water can help reverse this.

The other benefit of drinking lots of water is that it flushes out toxins and helps carry nutrients throughout the body.

So how much should you drink every day? The answer is: it depends. Your daily intake will vary based on your size, weight and level of physical activity.

I looked around for an exact value and found several recommendations. Some say 91 ounces per day for women and 125 ounces for men. Others stick to the old 8×8 rule, which says you should drink 8 cups of water per day. To be honest, I couldn’t find a clear-cut answer.

I was amused by how many opinions there are on this one issue. You could… oh, to hell with it. Drink enough to make your pee clear. The end.

4. Vitamin C – The rapid mood booster

According to a study published in 2010 hospitalized patients given vitamin C for 7-10 days showed a marked improvement in mood compared to patients given vitamin D instead. More recent studies pretty much say the same thing.

This might make you want to run out and stock up on oranges but keep in mind that there’s also plenty of vitamin C in other foods like guava, bell peppers and kale.

Eating a diet rich in fruits and vegetables will more than cover your vitamin C needs. For adults, it’s recommended that you have between 65-90mg of vitamin C per day.

It’s also important to remember that you want to get most of your nutrients from food rather than supplements. And if you take supplements try to avoid synthetics and focus your attention on supplements derived from either plants or animals.

It’s time to take your needs seriously

A lack of nutrients isn’t the only reason you suffer from chronic stress. But eating like crap destroys your body’s ability to heal itself. Not exactly what you want to do when you’re under stress.

The good news is that you have control over what, how, and when you eat.

I know you want to do better. Here’s your chance. Anxiety has robbed you of control for too long. Now is the time to take it back.

By eating right you’ll be reducing cortisol levels, stress, and anxiety (in that order). It’s a no-brainer.

As promised I have also created my very own food list (actually infograph). It focuses specifically on omega-3 and magnesium and I want you to share it with at least one friend. You can download it here.

It could affect anyone from kids, adults, men, women, black or white; it really does not matter.

Does being a veteran mean that I have a significant case of mental health issues?

No, it doesn’t. But I would like to discuss the stigma that many veterans experience with you.

I spent 6 years in the Army, I spent one deployment in Afghanistan and one in Iraq. After my second deployment, I decided it was time for me to get out.

Being out of the military means having to adjust to different things.

One of those things just happens to be being asked by several different people if I have any mental health issues since getting out.

I never thought this was a big deal until I sat down and really thought about what they were asking.

I was pretty much being asked to disclose my medical history.

From a physical standpoint, it would be like me asking someone if they have ever had an STD; seems pretty inappropriate and unnecessary.

So why do people feel the need to ask me like I am going to tell them “Oh yeah, I’m all fucked up.”

Even if I was I would never tell anyone.

Is this the stigma that veterans are left with these days?

Is it because Hollywood paints every Iraq and Afghanistan veteran on TV and in the movies as a PTSD infused stick of dynamite ready to explode at any time?

An example that comes to mind is the movie “Brothers” where Tobey Maquire’s character comes back from war and ends up threatening his family and coming close to committing suicide before being admitted to the hospital.

But those on screen portrayals are often extreme and almost always inaccurate.

Now, I don’t expect everyone to understand the things I have done, places I have been, or the shit I have seen. I just want them to be more mindful.

As a civilian, if you’re not familiar with military service and all that it entails, please don’t ask about a veteran’s mental health status because for a lot of us this is a painful subject.

I tend to over-analyze and over-think a lot of things. So when I get asked about my mental state it makes me feel like in the back of their minds, people are thinking there has got to be something wrong with me.

If they didn’t believe there was something wrong with me then why would they ask the question?

This almost makes me feel like I should cover up my military service.

Like I should be ashamed because of the misinformation floating in the head of the person I am speaking with.

I need you to understand something. I raised my right hand and took an oath to defend this country.

Along with countless others who spent months if not years away from their families missing birthdays, holidays, graduations and reunions.

These same people lost friends but were still told, not asked, to shut the fuck up and carry on with the mission.

I can’t speak for every veteran but for myself and the others I have talked to we don’t mind communicating our military service but you shouldn’t ask if I have been to war.

You shouldn’t ask if I am mentally unstable. You shouldn’t ask if I have killed anyone or seen anyone die.

We are just like you, we have feelings, emotions and thoughts; and we don’t always want to tap back into them just to satisfy someone else’s curiosity.

Much like you wouldn’t ask a rape victim to recount their story. Why would you ask a war veteran to tell you theirs?

I am in no way attacking people or acting like all veterans have mental issues, but I am just asking that people be mindful of what they ask.

People are always fighting battles in their mind that no one knows about and it doesn’t matter if you were in the military or not.