CMU Beef Of The Week #103: Noel Gallagher v cows

Have you been sitting there, week after week, waiting for us to make some tenuous reference to actual beef in the Beef Of The Week column? Well today is your lucky day! This week we’ve got some real life cows pitted in a head to head battle with Noel Gallagher.

Animal rights organisation PETA has suggested that Gallagher may be in need of “empathy counselling” after he said in an interview that he was looking forward to taking his two sons, Sonny and Donovan, on holiday to Ireland so that they can “throw stuff at cows”.

What’s wrong with just throwing things at good old British cows, I’m not sure. Though seemingly this is how Noel used to spend his holidays as a child, so there’s an element of nostalgia involved here. Kids had simple tastes back then didn’t they? Not like now when they just want to shoot cows in a video game and then watch ‘X-Factor’.

Gallagher told The Sun: “At my grandma’s in Mayo we’d run around throwing stuff at cows. See, we don’t get cows in Manchester, so if you see one you just throw stuff at them. I’m looking forward to bringing my sons over so they can throw stuff at cows as well”.

Referencing the award recently given to him by the NME, while possibly failing to spot a sense of humour when they see one, PETA issued a statement saying: “A father whose idea of a family vacation includes traumatising animals who are minding their own business should undergo empathy counselling. It doesn’t take a ‘godlike genius’ to realise that parents have an obligation to teach their children respect for all living beings and that they are creating monsters if they don’t teach understanding. If Noel Gallagher wants his sons to grow into decent adults, he would do well to remember that”.

It’s true. Actually I reckon you can probably trace the petty fighting that caused Oasis to split right back to a childhood spent terrorising cattle. And it’s well documented that Steps split in 2001 largely due to the poor moral code adopted by H after pulling the legs off daddy long legses at primary school.