“If you had just listened to me,” explains Mortimer to the corpse of the commander as he tiptoes toward the golden potato’s pedestal, “you wouldn’t be dead. We would be having a delightful conversation in which you pass me this lovely thing here…” He picks up the golden potato from its perch. “…in exchange for your lives.”

Two seconds after he picks up the golden potato, an alarm sounds.

“Yes, yes!” shouts Mortimer to no one in particular. “I have seen Indiana Jones!”

This is part 31 of Vile, a novel in progress. Would you like to see the first part?