This is the online component of the humor section of the Argus, the Wesleyan University newspaper.

1/13/13

Williams to Sponsor TDF

Fuck Williams. News broke on Saturday that Williams College, the world’s favorite NESCAC school, will be sponsoring Wesleyan’s own Tour de Franzia. Several legions of Williams’ own “athletes, fratstars, browers (bro-rowers), and dolled-up beazies” will be spending their weekend running purple-and-white ambulances, flooding Wesleyan’s campus with Franzia supply carts, and dousing garbage can fires with liberal doses of douchebaggery.

“Yeah man like anything to confirm William’s status as king of the ’CAC. We’re doing God’s work. We’re saving these Wes kids from themselves,” said Jeremy Yardsworth V (Williams ’13).

The Overachievers Club, Williams’ equivalent of the WSA, sent a letter to Dean Mike Whaley and Scott Backer asking if they would like Williams’ help during the TDF. North College leaked a copy of their response letter: “Dear Williams, Hell yeeeeeeeeeeeee, please y’all come help. Thanks broskis, Dean Mike ’n Ya Boy Scotto.”

Come the night of the Tour, you can plan on seeing signs saying, “Thanks for getting Ephed up,” “Don’t Eph yourself into Ephin oblivion quite yet,” and “This year’s Tour de Franzia brought to you by Scott Backer Williams College.” Whether or not Williams’ help is indeed effective, let’s give them a big “Fuck Williams!” welcome. Williams sucks.