Saturday, 11 October 2014

Week 30

There's been a lot of loss around over the past few weeks. I have been with friends who are grieving the passing away of a friend, a brother, a cousin and most recently a mother. A stalwart of AA passed away a couple of weeks ago, several years after forecast by the medical profession, and was buried on what would have been his 33rd sobriety birthday. I think I've mentioned before that we define a winner by those who carry their sobriety to their graves and he has become one of our great winners. He was always putting out his hand to the newcomer, made a point of saying hello to everyone individually before a meeting and would always offer his experience if he felt it was of relevance. It is thanks to many people like this that the rooms keep people sober, that the programme keeps working its magic and that we can celebrate and trust in the passing of a good friend. We learn, through experience, how lives are changed and how families recover. We face into this world with renewed hope and we can deal with emotional challenges through the support of the programme.
It has been a difficult week for me but nothing compared to what it would have been if I'd been drinking. My head has been 'off on one', filling itself with noise so I've been to a new meeting and re gathered myself. To be honest, I am struggling at the moment, elements of my life are feeling chaotic and unmanageable. I am praying for support, praying for others, absorbing my emotions and giving them space. What I'm not doing so well is handing them over to my higher power and trusting that the right thing will come. My patience and tolerance are perhaps in need of more practice, the 'perhaps' would suggest they need a lot more practice. There's a great line in a film that Morgan Freeman makes as God, he says "I don't bestow patience onto you but I will give you plenty of opportunities to practice patience". There are many times when I look upwards and say that surely this is enough practice by now, it seems not.
Looking in my 'Novel in a Year' book, the ten weeks of writing has come to an end and I should be gathering my bits together. It needs to be said that I haven't done much more than I've posted but I will gather it together and see what I do have. I do have some additional scenes in my head that I haven't written down so I will see about working in them.
Love to all who have lost loved ones over the last few months, remember the special times.
RIP Peter, with much love.