Real Housewives of Beverly Hills Recap

Oh friends, we have finally, finally said farewell to this interminable season of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. And wow can I just say this show is in peril and I don’t like a single one of them! Part 3 of the reunion was largely a waste of time, so I’m going to spend this recap discussing the RHOBH in general.

As the woman all all sat up there railing against Lisa Vanderpump for being manipulative and shielding parts of her life from the cameras, not a single one of them admitted to doing the same thing. So when Kyle Richards decided not to confront Dorit Kemsley about what really happened with Lucy, or confront Teddi about the inconsistencies in her stories and involvement, and instead completely deflected everything onto Lisa? Kyle wasn’t ‘manipulating’?

We have finally reached the end of the road with season 9 of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills. The reunion concludes with part 3 tonight, and I still find it hilarious that, Camille Grammer, the person who caused the most drama this season isn’t even an official Housewife. What does that say about the status of this show with this cast? (FAIL)

Part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion left off with Camille storming off the stage after accusing the women of a set-up. Following a pep talk from Andy Cohen an emotional Camille returns to the stage to confront her issues with Denise Richards. Denise lectures Camille for not thinking before she speaks and causing damage to her relationships with being thoughtless.

As usual Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills claimed something unbelievable was going to happen, but really nothing did. This show is having a midlife crisis. No one is asking it what work it had done, because it CLEARLY hasn’t been nipped, tucked, sucked, botoxed, or coolsculpted into its youthful, amazing form. God knows they’ve tried, but the way these women approach their physical reality (hide what they actually look like and won’t admit to what they’ve had done) is the same way they approach their reality.

They’ve all blamed Lisa Vanderpump for the show being inauthentic. Like who could forget the infamous Munchausen scenes when Kyle Richards desperately tried to coax Lisa into admitting that she was lying, only to have Lisa talk in circles until Lisa Rinna got blamed for the whole thing.

Tonight we enter part 2 of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion, and shit is hitting the proverbial fan. Or I dunno – maybe someone really is flinging things at an actual fan? Fake hair, perhaps? Rhinestone clips from Claire’s Boutique? Unresolved emotions? Whatever the shit is, you know know it came from Teddi Mellencamp Arroyave‘s detox.

Anyway, Teddi finds herself under fire from Andy Cohen himself when he calls Teddi out for misrepresenting her role in Puppygate thus causing an irreparable rift between Lisa Vanderpump and the rest of the group. Teddi continues to spin on her hamster wheel (#AllIn) but even Dorit Kemsley starts to question Teddi’s version of accountability!

Speaking of clips, the ones in Dorit’s hair should have read, “Fake” “Broke” “Grifter” “Dog Dumper” “Liar” “Bad Designer” And worst of all, “PK’s Wife.” The rest of Dorit’s outfit looked like a disco ball blew up. Hey, they’re broke so reduce, reuse, recycle to make the most of life on limited means.

Tonight the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion we’ve all been waiting for begins! To be clear we’ve been waiting for this reunion because that means this ridiculous non-season is officially over!

Denise Richards opens up about Eloise’s rare disorder and becomes emotional discussing being a single mom and Aaron Phypers‘ role in her daughters’ lives. Lisa Rinna and Erika Jayne get candid about their sex lives and their husbands predilections, which honestly no one (literally no one) wants to hear about Tom Girardi doing sexy times!

Finally Camille joins the group and confronts Denise about being a two-faced friend. Camille also reflects about how her marriage and friendships have been affected by the wildfires and the show. Then Camille reveals where she stands with LVP and why she felt targeted by the other women.

That was truly one of the most boring season finales I’ve ever witnessed, and I realized I don’t actually like any of these women. I also wonder what they’re going to do next season when scapegoats LVP and Camille Grammer don’t come back. We all know the producers are going to demand and insist that the women turn on one of their bosom buddies. Good thing all their bosoms are fake!

My theory is that Denise Richards will elevate herself into the New Brandi Glanville. Nu-Ville? Like Nu Villean. And we all know Kyle Richards is going to be upping her anxiety meds due to panic attacks that Lisa Rinna will try to wrench the crown off her helicopter hair whip in a coup to be the queen bee of RHOBH. Kyle is allergic to bees, you guys!

Lisa Vanderpump unhelpfully extracted herself from this mess, then Camille Grammer‘s house burned down so the planned confrontation in France was ruined, and these women have been floundering for what to do. It’s not like they can just go live interesting lives with earnest drama. No, they have to pretend their lives are perfect, and have a target for phony argument. They tried with Erika Jayne last week, but Erika took a cue from LVP and simply dismissed them, but back in Beverly Hills there is still Camille….

I hate to be a meanie pants, but was there anything more delightfully Camille Grammer than learning that Camille Grammer is actually close friends with someone PK Kemsley owes over a million dollars to? In a way it came at a rather disappointing time, as the last couple episodes I’ve actually kind of enjoyed Dorit, and not even in a ‘what a terribly amazing imbecile of a character’ she is kind of way, but sincerely.