#AB2016: Aunty Sprout: My Friend is Bullying Me

Dear Aunty Sprout,

There is a girl who one minute claims to be my friend, the next minute she is turning everyone against me. It has gotten to the point where I have become too scared to go to school. My mum told my head of year what has happened and he referred me to the school counsellor. The school counsellor has not been very helpful, she has suggested bringing the bully into my counselling session to work it out. I know this won’t work out because the bully has bullied other friends of mine before and they’ve attended counselling sessions with her but the bullying just got worse. I’m sick of her manipulating us all. My bully has always been in my form because we’ve been friends since year 7 and the teachers have strict seating plans, so I have to sit next to her while she complains about it the whole time. I have been asking my mum for years to let me go live with my dad in England but she won’t let me until i finish school. When she manipulates my friends to not being friends with me, I have to spend breaks on my own. If the learning resource centre is open, I’ll go do my homework or read a book. If it’s shut, the teachers won’t let me go anywhere inside so I’m forced to walk around outside whilst she verbally abuses me. She calls me ugly and fat. During PE she’ll make claims that I’m perving on her in the changing rooms because I’ve come out as bisexual. I often try to hide in the toilets during lunch to avoid her so my eating issues have been getting worse. I’m really struggling.

Any advice would be appreciated.

If you have any advice to offer, please leave your comments below (it’s free and quick to comment but we recommend keeping posts Sprouty and anonymous!).

TheSprout has teamed up with Meic – the national information, advice and advocacy helpline for children and young people in Wales – which has posted as Aunty Sprout below!

Aunty Sprout: Hi,

It sounds like you’ve been going through a horrendous time and it’s understandable that you’re feeling the way you are.

It is important to deal with the treatment you’ve received at school and we can discuss the steps that can be taken to try and deal with what has been happening to you.

You can talk to someone about the bullying and how it’s making you feel – SNAP Cymru have an app – Wmff app or you can contact them via phone -03451203730, email (helpline@snapcymru.org)with your phone number or via their websitewww.snapcymru.org or contact Childline at www.childline.org.uk or on 0800 1111.

First – your school have a duty to address the bullying once you made them aware of it. Some things have been suggested (like her attending counselling with you) but you don’t feel that this will solve the problem or will be effective.

The important thing is not to give up hope.

There are lots of things that can be put in place to address what is happening to you.

It’s really positive that you’ve contacted us because you do not have to do this on your own – there are people out there who can help.

(1) Find someone who can support you – this might be a parent or relative, but if they don’t feel they are being listened to either then you could speak to a teacher or member of staff in your school that you trust, or you could contact an advocate. An advocate is a professional, independent person whose job it is to make sure your views, wishes and feelings are being listened to. Whoever it is that helps you – they can help to agree a plan with your school of how to change your situation, and to make sure it’s regularly reviewed to ensure it’s working. If you would like to talk to an advocate you can contact Meic, the national advocacy and information helpline for children and young people. They have details of advocacy services within each area of Wales which we can provide for you or if you would prefer – that can put you in touch directly with an advocate.

The person who helps you can discuss your options, find out what you want to happen and work with you and your school to change things.

In your situation they could (as examples)

* explore where you want to live and why,

* discuss with your school some practical options such as changing your form group to one where you are with friends and not the bully, exploring where there is an area you can go to at breaks if you are feeling vulnerable and an identified person who you trust that you can talk to about what is happening and how you are feeling.

* Most importantly – if this behaviour is persistent, they can explore with the relevant staff at your school why the bully is not being challenged and her behaviour is not being addressed.

Don’t keep your feelings to yourself

– and if you need further help with any of the things mentioned then contact Meic or one of the other services we have suggested.