lingo

LE

COMPETITIVE SALARY:
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY:
We have no time to train you.
CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE:
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up.
MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED:
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day.
SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED:
Some time each night and some time each weekend.
DUTIES WILL VARY:
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL:
We have no quality control.
CAREER-MINDED:
Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way).
APPLY IN PERSON:
If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has
been filled.

NO PHONE CALLS, PLEASE:
We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal
formality.

SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE:
You'll need it to replace three people who just left.
PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST:
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
REQUIRES TEAM-LEADERSHIP SKILLS:
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the
pay or respect.

GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS:
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they
want and do it.

I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION:
I've used Microsoft Office.
I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE:
I pilfer office supplies.
MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES:
I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK:
I blame others for my mistakes.
I'M PERSONABLE:
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice.
I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL:
I carry a Day-Timer.
I AM ADAPTABLE:
I've changed jobs a lot.
I AM ON THE GO:
I'm never at my desk.
I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta' here.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, a glass of rioja in either hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOW!!! WHAT A RIDE !!!!!!!!!!!