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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Alice through the Looking Glass

Am in steamingly bad mood:a. snapped glasses. This required trip to nearest city (one hour away). That would be inconvenient but OK; I did, however, have tonnes I should have been doing, bearing in mind we are all going to Germany tomorrow to visit a friend - providing, of course, I can find everybody's passports tonight.b. decided to "make the best of it " and drove down to said city listening to my German CD, (can now count to 10 and say "I am from Wales".)c. spent 40 minutes getting lost and trying and failing to park. Forced to invent own German curse words as yet to reach that section in course.d. parked.e. bought new glasses (at huge expense. Realised will now have to "hand-craft" Xmas gifts for anyone who is not a blood relation.)f. drove one hour back (part of journey through darkness and freezing rain and snow.)g. realised gauge judging miles left in petrol tank flitting between 115 and 31 (not-to-be-trusted) and filled car with petrol.h. arrived home with new glasses.Me to husband: "Do you like my new glasses? Do you think they make me look like a librarian?" Husband to me: "That, or Eric Morcambe."Me to husband: "***** off. No, I mean it. Go away."

why DO all language CDs teach you to say ''I am from Wales''. Even in Mandarin, for God's sake. Inventing German curse words sound like about most useful part of day? I think German would be a deeply satisfying language to cuss in: all that hissing and spitting. Enjoy it though. Germany.

Judith, if you are going to start using asterisks instead of fuck, piss or bugger, you should at least get the number of asterisks right - I can't think of an expletive preceding 'off' with only five? Anyway, it's not like you. Bring back the old wifey!

Beware, Wife. My new (stern) glasses caused wholesale character and wardrobe change. I found myself going on an uncharacteristic rampage through Libertys picking up strange Japanese garments with extra limb holes and hunchbacks. I am still trying to get to grips with my new frightening personality...

Oh heavens I hate the need for thriftiness. Please don't send me a handcrafted gift. I'm sure we are blood relations ... I've found ancestors who lived in London and in the North, Yorkshire too - we must be connected in some way - so if you were considering sending me a Christmas gift then remember we are probably blood relations..

Annie, if he said you LOOKED like Yoda then fair enough. But if he said you were like him... well that is quite the compliment. A venerated all wise, all knowing leader... not a bad thing to be in one's household!

We are an hour from anywhere so I feel your pain. There's nothing worse than getting home from a shopping trip ( a good three hour round trip at the fastest) only to realise you forgot to buy toilet roll.

You'll have a ball in Germany, it's a truly magical place near to Christmas so your trip should make up for all the problems with the glasses and aga.

There must be a glasses thing out here too: my daughter told me I look more like her grandfather than her dad with my half-moon specs! The family are going through choices of different frames for me. I was quite happy with my old image...

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