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04 October 2010

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about those who have died, so that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have died. For this we declare to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will by no means precede those who have died. For the Lord himself, with a cry of command, with the archangel’s call and with the sound of God’s trumpet, will descend from heaven, and the dead in Christ will rise first. Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up in the clouds together with them to meet the Lord in the air; and so we will be with the Lord for ever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (NRSV)

In loving memory

Ewan Eliezer Petermann

18 September 2010 - 3 October 2010

Half of my heart went to heaven last night.

We learned yesterday in the early afternoon that he had a bacterial infection (which proves fatal for so many of these special heart babies), and that several of his organs were failing. Though his oxygen saturation levels were in the upper 90s to 100, the oxygen wasn't perfusing through his body. The nurses said my normally active, awake, and squirmy boy hadn't opened his eyes all day.

And just the afternoon before, he had been looking intently into my eyes as I talked to and sang to him -- he moved his mouth as if to form words. I asked him if he had something to say. From the moment of his birth, he always had a deadlock with his eyes on James and I. When he looked at me, he'd really be looking at me. His gaze was so intent. There was recognition there, and I savored every moment.

We didn't get to see him open his eyes again.

In the presence of family and close friends, we gathered around his bed a little after 8 pm and prayed: thanking God for the gift of Ewan, thanking God for how even in just the span of his two weeks of life, his broken heart touched so many others. We thanked God for how He used Ewan to change lives, to encourage parents to hug their children a little tighter and a little longer. We sang hymns, and we played gentle lullabies.

The respiratory therapist came in an extubated him when we were ready. He was still connected to the ECMO machine so we could have our time to say goodbye. They brought in a couch for us to sit on in his room. We took turns holding him, kissing him, nibbling on his toes, stroking his hair, telling him how very much he was loved. He looked so very peaceful and was not in any kind of pain.

As Ewan Eliezer Petermann passed from this world to the next, he was surrounded by love and peace and so many people who loved him, who were there for his entrance. There was so much love, compassion, and dignity. One of the nurses who left us just before the shift change said that though she was not the least bit religious, she could feel angels in the room. I held him in my arms until the very moment the Everlasting Arms swept him up and took him home.

He came into this world in my arms, and that's how he left.

Even as I wept, I was filled up with peace. My sweet boy had fought so hard, but his body had failed him. He looked so peaceful and perfect. So many there that night -- nurses and doctors as well -- said it was hard to believe that a baby as perfect-looking as him could have something so very wrong with him.

I know. I know.

It was shortly before midnight that we called the nurse in to disconnect the ECMO. We knew we'd never really be ready for that moment. No one could have been. Every monitor was shut off, every machine shut down. You could see the change in his skin almost instantly. In just a few minutes, he was gone. The little heart finally stopped beating. Our sweet, sweet baby went to heaven.

If we had to say goodbye to him, I wouldn't have had it any other way.

* * * * *

Many have been struggling with the desire to say something that will help. Let me take that pressure away: there is nothing to be said that will take away or diminish our grief, even though we know that we do not grieve as those without hope. We understand that, and we certainly don't expect it. One of the hardest (but best) things to do is to sit in silence with someone who is grieving -- simply to sit and to be present without the need to offer words.

We thank you so much for how much and how well you have loved us, how you have loved Ewan, and how you will love us through this new season.

192 comments:

Kirsten,Crying reading the very sad news of Ewan's passing. I had grown to love that precious boy through the loving words you shared of him. I know that he was so very loved and I am sure that he knew just that. You did a beautiful job as his mother even it was for such a short time.

Praying that you feel His presence throughout the days ahead as you grieve.

Oh, my dearest friends who have been in my daily prayers, I'm sorry for the grief you are now feeling. Please know that little Ewan has touched the lives of so many, including mine, and that he had such an IMPORTANT mission on this earth, and his gifts will continue to unfold each day. He is with my daughter--my only child--and I've asked her to welcome him into heaven. Please stay strong, and know that you are loved by so many, and most importantly, by God himself. Heartfelt blessings to you.

I love you three so much. Thank you for sharing this very personal experience. Perhaps in heaven, Ewan will find our baby Jordan, who we never got to meet face to face but who is, we are confident, in God's presence. We think of you continually and will continue to pray. ~Miriam, Anthony, & River

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful boy. It brings back vivid memories of our son's death. You are fabulous parents and Ewan knew and knows the love that all shared during his short life. He touched more lives than most people will in a long lifetime. Many prayers for you as you move through the process of grieving and celebrating his wonderful memory.

My heart breaks for you, Kirsten...and I am crying with you... You and your husband will continue to be in my prayers. May God's presence be with you and may he hold you in his arms in these days.With love <3

You do not grieve alone at the loss of your precious baby , you do not rejoice in your knowledge of God and His love and plan, alone either....we are all here, so are the angels and so is Ewan.

For all of us who have lost...we understand teh path you will take and will stand and pray to help you along that path....but that path, so familiar to us, holds a journey that are unique to each one....so we may know the path you will take and the steps you will go through but your journey will be uniquely yours. God bless you with the understanding and patience you will need. May God envelope you with love and peace. May you find rest. Trust in yourself, hold on to what is good, true and right and you will find your way on this journey. You will never be the same....with time you will be "better" and find a deeper meaning to a lot of things. You will see with different glasses.

Tears are streaming down my face Kirsten. There truly are no words, nothing to really make any of this better. I am just so thankful that you are surrounded by people who love you and who are able to be the arms of Jesus to you right now, to offer hugs and to simply sit with you. Ewan is so loved by so many and you and James will continue to be in my prayers.

It has been inspiring, uplifting, and devastating to go through this experience with you via posts. But I'm so grateful for your courage to write this down and share it with all of us out here, who, remotely, are wishing you all the best and rooting for you absolutely, and will continue to pray for you through this time of tremendous loss and grief. Love and sympathies.

You're right. There are no words to make the pain go away. Know that I'm lifting your family up right now. The same Heavenly Father that is holding Ewan in his arms will comfort your breaking hearts through this most difficult time.

I read your blog for the first time moments ago as I browsed around on my phone waiting in the line of cars to pick up my children from school. With big,fat tears in my eyes I will give my kids extra love, remembering just how lucky I am to be able to do just that. I will pray that you continue to feel peace and healing.

I am so very, very sorry. Thank you for sharing your little boy with all of us - he will always have a place in our hearts, and I will hold my heart baby a little closer because of him. God bless all of you - you will remain in our prayers.

Yes, there simply are no words. I had no words of comfort to offer you last night, only tears and my sorrow.

Sweet Ewan Eliezer, you are so beloved by so many. We're thankful you know joy in the presence of Jesus right now and that your little body is perfected and made whole. Perhaps you will meet little Ava Hunter in heaven ... she is a lot of fun and very mischievous but also very loving and kind. She loves Jesus, too, and I am sure she will want to know you and introduce you to all the beauty of your new home in the presence of your Maker.

Kirsten, you have all my love in this place. Any time you just need presence, I am here.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. He is now at peace, but had much joy & love in the short time here with his most loving parents. I want you to know that you & your son have made an impact in my life, and I will forever remember and cherish his name. -Angela

You're right, there are no words to say. But I thank you for sharing your son with all of us. Our family has been praying that Ewan and all of your family would feel peace. Tears are streaming down my face as I read you post. It's my belief someday in heaven we'll be reunited with our loved ones. We'll continue to pray for you that you will feel the comfort and love and peace of Heavenly Father, all those of us who have been following your journey, and of course Ewan himself.

Kirsten, words fail me. I am so deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that your precious son is forever instilled in my heart. I so wished and prayed and hoped that the outcome would be different for Ewan. I can not say I know how you feel because I do not. Please know that my heart just aches for your family. You were there when Ewan was knitted in your womb, you were there for every kick, you were there for his birth and you were there when he took his last breath. There is something so amazing in that. I am cryins so hard that it is hard for me to form thoughts into words.

32-1/2 years ago we lost our firstborn son, a 4lb 3 oz 32 week premie , who the nurses told us they wouldn't get attached to because he would be going home so soon. We held him and fed him at 6:00 on that Wednesday morning, then went back to the room to pack my stuff up for my check out that day. Matthew would be transfered to a hospital closer to where we lived and would probably be home in 2 weeks. At 8 a.m. they told us he was having issues and at 10 a.m. he passed away. You are right - there isn't anything to be said. The saddness will lessen but it will never "go away." I miss Matthew all the time - sometimes more then others. The hospital staff thought we were wing-nuts because of the peace that we felt and spoke of. The social workers told us we needed to "deal with it" or it would destroy our marriage. HE gives a peace that surpasses all understanding.Praying for you all - now and in the coming months.Love,Holly Campbell

My gift to you, as you grieve and celebrate Ewan's life. Listen and think of Ewan worshiping even now. I can only image...Evan and I love you deeply, pray for you daily and long to hold you tightly.xoxoCarrie

Hello, I found your blog via facebook. I am so sorry for your loss. My son CJ was born with a a severe heart defect. His first surgery was June 2009 and it resulted in several more and two battles with infection. Sadly he lost his battle on Sept 2, 2009. My husband and I lived in a hospital for 65 days and road a rollercoaster of good days and bad days. We never lost hope. I know how hard it is to make that decision as we had to make it too. Though I do not know you please know that Ewan will never be forgotten. If you ever want to talk please feel free to email me at sugarplumb579@hotmail.com. I will say a prayer of healing for you and your family.

I will sit in silence and make sure to squeeze my family extra big tonight (and always) for you and other families that have lost.Ewan has a special place in all of our hearts, because of his heart. to have touched so many in such a small amount of time is pretty special.

Thank you for sharing your story and for giving us the opportunity to stand in faith with you on this journey. You have extended a precious gift to me and many others simply by letting us stand with you..and reminding us that every precious moment is to be treasured. Thank you for being faithful with the gift of Ewan. May you receive a thousand fold what you have given. Blessings, Felecia

I'm so very sorry Kirsten and James. You are right, there are no words. But please know how much you're thought of, loved and prayed for. Ewan will be missed and will forever stay in our hearts. My love and heart hugs to you...Love,Bryan, Katie, Jace, Caden and Maddie (Ewan's heart sister)

There are not words to describe what I am feeling for you because it's so painful. I am so sorry as I was hopeful that Ewan would defy the odds. One thing for sure is that your whole family has been loved and will be continued to be loved on this journey.Though I don't know you, I feel a kinship to you because I know what it is to be an mother to an Angel.

sitting numb with tears streaming down my face. i am so sorry for your loss. he was so special and definitely made an impact on my life. i will miss his sweet precious face. lifting you up during this difficult time.

I have been praying for you since a friend sent a prayer request on your behalf eleven days ago. I am so sorry for your loss. I am grieving and weeping with you. Ewan was the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.

I will continue to lift you up, that God will sustain and comfort you. He is holding you in His hand. Isaiah 41:10

I am so very sorry you've been called upon to endure this time apart. May you all join together in the Great Everlasting, a family eternal. Until then, may God fill your home and heart with peace even if it is not the miracle we all prayed for Ewan.

Kirsten and James,We have never met, and never will this side of heaven, but my heart aches for you both. I sit with you in silence, because I have no words. I am so sorry. I thank God we have the promise to see our loved ones again.

I learned today about your son. I didn't know your family before today, but I wanted to offer both my congratulations on such a beautiful son, and my condolences that he was with you such a short time. Our family experienced the loss of a baby boy four years ago, and it changed our lives forever. I know there will never be anything that takes his memory from you, but the pain will lessen with time. There will certainly be days that take your breath away with their pain, and some of them will surprise you long after you thought they wouldn't happen like that anymore. But it will not feel this way forever. I just wanted to offer you that encouragement.

We were fortunate to emerge from our grieving process in a positive place, having run to God and He was never more close to us than in those moments. As hard as it was for us, we are now able to have compassion on people we would never have understood, and having grown in ways we could never have, had our journey with our son not happened.We miss him to this day, and don't understand all the 'whys', but I am praying for you to have the same positives come from Ewan's short life. His life has certainly been powerful.

I am devastated for you and your family. This is such sad news and I am so sorry that Ewan is gone. His spirit lives on. His story will live on. His parents and family will live on. It is not fair. This is the 2nd heart baby's blog I have read where the baby lived for about 2 weeks. 2 very tough weeks for you all, I am sure, but 2 very wonderful weeks of meeting Ewan and caring for him and loving him. As for you and your husband, the Lord will get you through this, but you already know that. HE has welcomed Ewan with open arms and now Ewan is in no pain and will watch over you and your husband forever. You will see Ewan again one day. I picture him laughing with your family that is already in heavan and playing with children and taking care of people in heavan. He is an angel now and always will be.

Your posts are beautiful. You are an INCREDIBLY strong woman and I admire you for everything - from the pregnancy to the natural birth to having to let go of your son. You and your husband are amazing and I wish you nothing but love and greatness as you continue to live, as Ewan would want you to. I will continue to follow your blog and hope one day to hear that you will welcome another life into this world, when you, your husband & the Lord are ready for that.Take care and God Bless,StephTampa, FL

May God be with both of you and strengthen you through your time of loss. I am sorry to hear of your sad news....you were wonderful with including us as a part of Ewan and your lives. Thank you and we will thank God for taking him to a place where he will be loved and healed.

Hi Kirsten, Every day I checked your blog and Facebook, praying for healing and good news. Chris and I are so sad to read of Ewan's passing. I cried while pumping in the bathroom here at my school. You are right; there are no words, but know that you are an inspiration. You have so many gifts and talents. God prepared you for this all along and I pray that you'll be able to have another baby when you are both ready if that is on your heart. Ewan's memory is forever a part of this world and you'll get to hold him again, even though it feels so far away. Love,Kristen

I am so very sorry. My husband and I have been praying for you and your family since he was born. I know that precious little baby is with Jesus. I don't know what to say (I know there isn't really anything) to ease your grief, but please know that our prayers are continuing for you and your husband.

My thoughts and prayers are with you. I found your blog and was immediatly captivated by it. I am in school for respiratory therapy and graduate in May. I am concentrating in pediatrics and neonates. Your blog and Ewan has inspired me even more. My heart breaks for you. Stay strong in your faith!

Praying for you and your family as you miss this beautiful boy. May you feel God's loving presence holding you in His arms even as He holds your precious boy. Celebrating with you Ewan's whole and healed body and the wonderful, unimaginable celebration he is partaking in. May you feel at peace as you wait patiently for the day you are reunited.Hugs and PrayersRachel in TN(friend of the Bronlewees)

As beautiful as he was here in your arms, imagine how absolutely gorgeous he is in the reflection of heaven. And a tiny heart now unbroken. Continued prayers for strength, grief and recovery to you and your entire family. God bless you all.

My heart cries over your sweet baby Ewan's passing. Thank you so much for sharing his beauty with us. You three will always be in our hearts and we continue to pray for you both at time moves ahead. God bless.

The angels are rejoicing... your precious boy is in the arms of Jesus now. He is healthy and happy beyond anything we can imagine. Much love to you and your family. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, but so very grateful for your faith and God's grace.

I'm so sorry for the loss of Ewan. We will continue to pray for you and your family.

As a mom that has had a stillbirth and a miscarriage in the last 4 months--it's so difficult to hear the words of friends, family members and strangers--praying too that you will be surrounded with people who just sit with you in your suffering.

Some wonderful songs that helped us--Glory Baby--WatermarkDancing with the Angels--Monk & NeagleVisitor from Heaven-Twila Paris

I too lost my son who lived for a glorious hour and 1/2 before the Lord took him home. He had a different defect, but your words hit home in such a huge way. I too was holding him as he took his first breath and last and while I too was crying, I couldnt help but smile because I carried an angel of God as you did. I'm so very sorry for your loss; Ewan IS with you. Take care and God Bless.

You are not grieving the loss of your sweet son Ewan alone. No words, only tears. Lots of tears when I read the sad news today. Know that you are being lifted up in prayer and surrounded in love during this extremely difficult time. Praying that you and James feels the Lord's presence and peace in the coming days, weeks and months. You are wonderful parents!

PLEASE, let me know if you need anything. Love to beautiful Ewan and you all.

Somehow I stumbled onto your blog a couple weeks before your son was born. I was immediately pulled into your journey, hoping and praying for the least painful outcome. Your strength and grace through all of this is an incredible inspiration. Please know that you and your son have touched the hearts and souls of people thousands of miles away. Thank you for being so open - you have inspired me to take a more purposeful approach to loving my family.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I'm crying with you as we speak. I have no words but total grief right now, but we all know he's in Heaven with his Father. I'm so so so so sorry. I'm so scared of my own journey that I'm going to face and hope I have the same amount of faith you do when that time comes. I wish I can give you a hug and meet you in person.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear about Ewan's passing. He was a beautiful little boy -- my heart just melted the moment I saw the very first pictures of him. He -- and you for sharing him with us -- have also changed my heart in ways I still cannot quite articulate. I will never forget Ewan, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

I am crying as I read this...so beautifully written. what a peaceful and loving way you all had to say good-bye to your precious little monkey. glad you all were able to hold him, snuggle him, kiss him, nibble on his toes, and share your immense love for him.

I love you all so much and will continue to pray for you. God has you, and Ewan in His loving arms.

Look at all this love!! Wow! I'm overwhelmed and sitting here thinking of you all and remembering last night. In a way, it almost seems wrong to say that it was beautiful. (I know it isn't wrong.) To watch the love between you and James.. and that love multiply to Ewan as you all held him and kissed him one last time. The Holy Spirit saturated that room! I'm still processing all of it. Thank you for being so bold to live out your faith... even in your most fragile times. You are amazing Kirsten!

Stopping by from Sawyer's Heart to send love & prayers for you and your family. I am so sorry for your loss, hold close to those you love in the days to come. "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief...and unspeakable love.” --Washington Irving

Words cannot express how sad I was to read of Ewan's passing. Your beautiful son touched so very many lives across the nation as you shared his story with us. He has found his way into my prayers daily and made me look at my own children with a little more kindness, patience and realize how very grateful we are for every moment we have with them and with each other. Your Ewan accomplished a lot during his short time here and I'm sure you are proud of your strong little boy. You gave him everything you had to give, your unrelenting support, your undying love and when the time came you made the most unselfish decision possible to let him go to peace in your arms. Your family will in our prayers as you navigate this new phase. Hannah

i am so very sorry and heart broken for your loss. i will continue to lift you up to god in prayer. god sent you a little piece of heaven when he placed your baby boy in your arms. thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing that precious piece of heaven with us.

You are right. There are no words anyone can possibly say. My life has been blessed for having spent time in prayer for your sweet little boy and by the faith you have shared so openly as you wrote about your journey. I will continue to lift you all as you face the days ahead.

I'm so very sorry to hear of Ewan's passing. There must be a special place in heaven for our precious little ones who visited us for such a small amount of time but made such a large impact on our lives.

I read the following poem at the cemetery service for my precious girls (Emma and Sophia) and thought that I would share this with you.

God, Take This Child....By Nancy Scott

Sweet child whom we never really got to know,It’s hard for us to let you go.We waited and we wanted you.We had so many dreams for you.We think of smiles we'll never see.We think of events that will never be.There will be no first steps and no first teeth.There is only a void and our own grief.We planned to take you to places far and near.We yearned to keep you safe and free from fear.We hoped to show you much of your new world.We wanted to teach you as your life unfurled.It’s hard to understand why you, our baby, died.We feel so numb right now, many tears we’ve cried.We have so many questions and no answers seem to come.We tried so hard to save you; nothing could be done.God, we stand before you broken-heartedand ask you to heal these lives that must be partedfrom this little one we can no longer hold,who will always be a part of us, even when we're old.God, take this child in your loving arms.No more can he suffer any harm.Bless him always and bless us too.Be with us and help us to make it through

I am at a loss for words. I have been sitting here crying for what seems like forever, trying to form words. Finally I got up, went into Andrew's room and knelt by his bedside as he slept, and just prayed. I prayed for you, precious Ewan, your whole family. I simply cannot believe this happened. I was so certain that this would turn out differently. :( :( I am just heartbroken for you. I am so, so sorry. I don't know what else to say, I just pray that God brings you peace and comfort in the days ahead. I am in shock. I loved that sweet baby right along with you! :( All I can think is that I pray sweet Ewan will be Andrew's guardian angel during his next surgery- since they are heart brothers forever.

Please know I am praying for you and will NEVER forget sweet Ewan. He has forever left an imprint on my heart.

I was listening to the radio this afternoon and heard Natalie Grant's song "Held" and it made me check your blog. My heart broke when I saw the news. You are right, no words make it better. I am sorry for your loss. And I thank you, from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story. I often take care of babies with broken hearts, and I have befriended their families. They have made a difference to me, as you are making to so many people. May God wrap His arms around you and grant you His peace. May you know that you are held.angie

Kirsten, as I sit here wheeping, my heart aches for you and little Ewan! I am soooo very sorry for your loss! We prayed hard for him several times through out the day...he's made such an impact on all our lives. This hurt feels unbearing and I know exactly how you feel, I find peace in knowing that my little angel, Austin, is no longer in pain. I like to think he's up there having a ball and now he's got a little playmate...I'm here if you ever want to talk, cry, anything...We love you!!!

Godspeed, Ewan. We never met (a friend referred me to your fight a week or so ago), and I suspect no one in your family even knows me; I can't begin to imagine what they're feeling now, but I am moved beyond words by the strength of their faith. I, too, know you're at peace today, and I know we'll meet someday. My wife and I had a baby girl a week ago; you'd have been her age. Maybe you'll see fit to keep an eye on her and remind her, in difficult times, that God's always there. God bless you, your family, and all your friends, for all of whom I will continue to pray. I'll be thinking of you, little man.

We've never met but your strength and faith amaze me. My heart is breaking for your family. I will pray that the Lord comforts you and renews your hope in Him. Ewan is back in the arms of his holy father.

just listening to this song, praying for you in your first night away from your 'hospital home', and now at home without your precious son. oh, praise the Lord for the depth of comfort that only God can provide to a mother who is missing her child (and a father who is feeling the pain and sadness as well).maybe you know the song; it's called Cry out to Jesus by Third day.

"because Your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you i will praise you as long as i live"psalm 63:3-4celebrating with you that your son lives fully in God's "love better than life."Mourning with you your great loss, and praying that God will magnify his mercy on you both, amaze you with his "grace upon grace", lavish his love on you, draw you near to him and to his heart, speak truth to you, share with you his mysteries, fix your eyes on glory, and lead you in hope, all in Christ Jesus.

You do not know me. I started following your blog through a mutual Facebook friend (Julie Watson Wanis). It caught my eye because I too lost a baby earlier this year. She lived 57 minutes before going to be with our Lord Jesus. I wanted to share with you something someone said to us after our daughter died. I have quoted it, but it is not a famous person. It is a cousin of ours. She very eloquently said, "It is good to get to the end of a journey and find our ever-present God there. And to find a new deeper meaning in the concept of rejocing in everything. It's strange how you can be so grateful and so devastated at the same time."-Karen Hartman.

I have been praying for you and will continue. That is really the best thing anyone can do. I am so very sorry.

We have never met, but you and your family have been in my prayers and will stay there. No words can take away grief, but know that you have my prayers for peace on your heart that you may sleep tonight knowing that your Lord loves you and your precious boy is now looking down on you and smiling.

As you mentioned, there are no word that can embody how one truly feels and experiences meeting such a beautiful, courageous little boy, and getting to spend such little time with him. Nonetheless I would like to pass along my prayers, thoughts, and heart out to you and your family.

Thank you for sharing your story and letting us be touched by Ewan and his short, yet powerful time here.

First time reader tonight. I am so so very sorry for your loss. I am weeping for you and will keep your story close to my heart and in my prayers. Your strength is amazing, thank you for sharing your story. I hope you find peace and comfort in the hours, days and years ahead. Much love,

I am so sincerely sorry for your loss. Ewan has occupied my heart for weeks and will continue to do so. Here in Kenya you would forever be known as Mama Ewan, clearly a title that you wear with great pride and love. Wishing you strength and much peace.

Cried yesterday when I heard and I'm crying right now writing this comment. Your story has touched my heart and I wanted to say thiank you for bravely sharing Ewan's beautiful story with us. I had a baby sister pass away from similar problems and I have a taste of what that level of grief is like. My heart goes out to you and your family in this time. Ewan's little life has made a big impact on so many of us and he will not be forgotten.

I lost my daughter on September 19, 2003. I can understand the intense pain that you are feeling right now. He was a beautiful little boy, and I'm so glad that you were blessed to love him, and to hold his memory in your hearts. I know that there is nothing to say that will help right now. I will sit here sharing a moment of prayer with you. I am thinking of you, Ewan, and of my own child. My heart goes out to you. My prayers and thoughts are with you.

I am so sorry for the sad loss of your sweet baby boy. I lost my Angel almost 2 years ago (10-9-08) and not a day goes by that my life isn't forever changed. There are no words you are right, but know that you are not alone. Hugs.

Kirsten and James as I sit at my computer and read your story and about your sweet Ewan I ball my eyes out!! I am so sorry for your loss, though I have not actually been in your situation it breaks my heart to pieces!! I pray that God will continue to give you the strength that you need to make it another day. You have to take it one day at a time. Yall will continue to be in my prayers! Leah Agnew Louisville, MS

I can't stop crying. I only started reading this blog this morning because I followed a link on Twitter. I wish I had known sooner, so I could also have sent energy for you and that gorgeous little boy.

He is safe and warm now.

My beliefs are different to yours, but I do believe that.

You are amazingly strong, you and James, and Ewan, to have gone through this. And I'm so so sorry that it ended this way.

I'm thinking of you, I'm holding you in my heart. Even though you don't know me and I live so very far away. I am walking with you.

Hi Kristen I heard of your story from a dear friend of yours Cynthia Carr and have been praying for you guys so much. I just want you to know that you are a very strong, wonderful and blessed woman. I have read ur blogs and I'm totally amazed at you. My precious daughter Mylliah went to be an angle one year to the date that Ewan was born, so I've always though of that day as the worst day of my life BUT to know that this precious, beautiful bay boy was born on this day puts such a smile on my face. My daughter was dx with a fatal lung and heart disease tha we were told was in the same category as having cancer, she was dx in dec 08, and we lost her in sept 09, awaiting a lung transplant which we never recieved, Mylliah was 7yrs old. So only being a yr, I'm still pretty fresh, all I know is you have been so strong thru this all and I know u don't think so but by reading ur blogs I have soooo much respect for you. I know that u feel alone but ur not and as I hear ur heart will start to fill in that hole that you have, I definetly know about the hole in heart, just know that my family is praying for you and stay strong because GOD will get you and ur family thru this and long as you guys continue to believe. The Royals family. ~ Mellani

Kristen, I too just lost a baby. She was born with an unexpected Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). She lived for eight magical days before my husband and I, just as you did here in this post... had to say goodbye to something we just weren't ready to give back. My heart breaks for you, because I KNOW just what you are feeling, with my sweet Savannah passing only a little over a month ago. If you ever need someone to talk with, please don't hesitate! All my love and prayers,Megan@ A story unfolding