Philosophy

My philosophy ebook collection reflect what I’ve gathered throughout my life. “You have to die every day in order to live,” said my father when I was only seven. I did not understand it back then. I asked him what he meant but he was unable to explain. His frustration to elaborate on what he said due to his limited vocabulary soon made him angry. He left for work and I buried his words, his anger in my endless thoughts. I heard many other big words from him and from other elderly people while growing up without being able to make sense of them.

“Words don’t teach, life does,” said someone seven years later. Then why was I taught through words, why did humanity collect words, kept them on papers and called them books if the only book was life, why did I even go to school, I wondered without knowing that I had already fallen into the bottomless black hole of philosophy. That is how I began chasing wisdom source of which was actually hidden in me not at any college. Like every invalid human being on earth I felt obliged to spend years at a highly respectable college to get validated by a shiny degree which now means nothing to me but proof of my ignorance, however.

“I know one thing that I know nothing,” said the father of philosophy and I read when I was in high school. Was I going to study to know that all I know is that I know nothing, I wondered. That question would frighten even the oldest professor on earth unless he/she was nihilistic, alcoholic or already contemplating about committing suicide. Philosophy seemed too big yet very toxic for any human being back then but I could not forget my father’s anger for not being able to explain what he had said to me. It fuelled me more and more every day and I began penetrating into every phenomena and go beyond. Soon I realised that I loved the feeling of going beyond things, moments and humans.

That was metaphysics, I learned on the first college day. Without metaphysics every philosopher was as frustrated and angry as my father, particularly Wittgenstein despite his revolutionary thoughts on language and his vast vocabulary. If the man with limited words and the man who changed the philosophy world had the same frustration then something must have been wrong with our perception, I thought before becoming totally nihilistic or alcoholic.

Could it be that we were all wrong, the whole humanity, I asked and scared myself while going through dead philosophers’ painful struggle for truth, reading their works with the same hunger I had when I spent that moment with my dead, when he pushed me into the black hole of the philosophy for the first time. And I realized that I was now able to make sense of what he had said.

“What has changed?” I asked myself. Yes that lady was right, too; words did not teach when life did not prove them right or wrong. But there was something more, it was not only years I spent on earth. Then what was it, I asked thousand times. It was consciousness, I finally found out.

Neither philosophy nor humanity could go far without constant expansion of consciousness and its constructive contributions to both.

What is beyond consciousness, asked my expanding consciousness. What is it, what is it, what is it…