Friday, November 20, 2015

This weekend I am having my nieces over for the WHOLE WEEKEND! I'm so excited, but not as excited as my kids are going to be, lol.

DH and I went to the store and pretty much bought out the snack aisle. I thought to myself, they are gonna LOVE coming to Aunt Tracey's house, then I thought, wait I gotta give this junk food to my kids too! Hence the phrase YOLO! (you only live once).

We are gonna watch movies and stay up late and bake pies and eat pizza and everything is just going to run perfectly smooth............RIGHT???

Fortunately I'm finally getting over this cold that has been lingering around the house. I think the chicken noodle soup my sister made me definitely helped

Doesn't it look yummy?

We also celebrated our 5 YEAR ANNIVERSARY! Whoa. It's funny to think about it like that, because really DH and I have been together for about 13 years now. Since I was 18 and a freshman in college (man I miss those days). Life with DH isn't always 100% roses and cupcakes but it's an adventure I'm thankful I've got a front row seat to.

We went to Philly for the day on Veteran's Day because I have off and he took a vacation day. We had so much fun just being tourists. We ate breakfast a the Reading Terminal, than we shopped and walked and shopped. Had drinks at A BAR - PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE try this place if you are ever in town. It was the best part of our day. and I highly recommend The Picket Fence as a drink. I probably could have had 10.

Lunch was served at Luke's Lobster. It was good but I think my mind had already been blown from the drinks we had previously.

So Friday was our real anniversary. Since we already went out and had an ER trip that morning (more on that later), we stayed in. Had some great cheeses and ordered appetizers from a nearby restaurant. All in all - I'd say it was a success!

We were supposed to visit with my newest nephew again, but since Chewy (AKA Matthew) had some issues (again ER trip), we stayed home while DH had some fun with his brother....Looks like Chewy was still a little out of it, hahaha.

So to make a long story short, Matthew had an allergic reaction. Thursday morning he had hives but Urgent Care said it was ringworm. Cut to the next day, it had gotten worse and was swelling his eyes so momma bear came roaring and said enough is enough, it's ER time.

Turns out it was NOT ringworn. We now have an allergist appointment scheduled for next month. Sounds like a nightmare, but you gotta do what you gotta do. All in all, it wasn't that bad and it could have beeen a lot worse, so I'll thank my lucky stars.

So changing subjects, I really needed to write another blog post, I was going crazy seeing the pic of me and my mom every time I came back to the blog. I don't want every post to be sad and about her but even at lunch today I told DH, "I'm sad that I don't know when I'll ever not be sad". I hate to be so cliche, but it's a feeling you will never understand until you live it. I could say a million more things but I want to keep the post light and happy.

Matthew and Emma are happy and thriving. Emma may kill me with potty training and Matthew apparently only needs 5 - 6 hours of sleep a night to function, but my children are my life. My children are pure and perfect and I made those little snot buckets. They came out of my body after I grew them for almost a year. It's pretty crazy if you really think about it sometimes (cliche #2 of the day). I wrestle with not spending as much time as I want to with me but that's for a different day.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

This was the last pic I have of us.....when we found out the cancer had grown and spread. I laid with you in your chemo chair while you kept on fighting (and tickling my head). - You were the best!

My mom died.

My mom died 33 days ago. She was 51. Everyone reading this already knows this. (probably)

If it was a little while between blog posts I would get a simple two word email....."Update please"

I don't get those emails anymore.

If there was a dawn of a new day I would get a phone call "Just calling to chat"

I don't get those phone calls anymore.

It is so easy to cry. So easy to be sad. It's so easy to wish this on someone else. and I do....all three....all the time. Sorry but not sorry.

95% of the time, I think I'm doing pretty darn good. When my daughter mentions Grammy I don't even cry. I just remind her that she is in heaven and Emma replies "Oh Heaben" and we continue on with our day.

As I write this, off the top of my head I know at least 6 people that have lost a parent. I wasn't there for them like they were there for me. I didn't get it. Nobody gets it. Which is fine, actually a good thing. You shouldn't feel this pain unless it is hitting you in the face.

It was extremely personal and my mother perfectly orchestrated the moment she decided to leave this world. That's all I'll say about that.

And life goes on.......

Matthew is walking now. Running almost. He is also trying to kill me. The past 2 nights have been AWFUL! Where did my perfect little boy go and why doesn't he sleep anymore? Growing pains? I don't know, but all I know is, please don't keep this up for too long. He's lucky he's so darn cute and I'm lucky he can't speak english yet and repeat the things I say 2 am. ;)

Emma is turning into the cutest little lady. I am so excited she's in the "kids say the darndest things" phase. it's amazing and I could listen to her talk all day. Except when she isn't getting what she wants. Every new age is a learning experience for DH and I. We lose our patience but then we find it again and we work together and work against each other and find a balance every 3rd hour of the day with these kiddos. Than we joke about having a third, HAHAHAHA!

NOT ANY TIME SOON!

Emma had a UTI a few weeks ago. Had a fever go up to 104. I would have called my mother but she wasn't there. instead DH and I figured it out together... and we made it.

I was having some issues a few weeks ago. I had an ovarian cyst, no big deal now, but at the time I was freaking out. I literally went down every name in my phone and said, ok, who is the most like mom I could call......I'm still looking.

Ok, going down the depressed road, but honestly I just wanna get these thoughts out, because once they are out, maybe they will stay out, at least for a little while.

And I'm not so alone. I have the best big sister in the freaking world. Who I could call about my child's fever and my own issues. And I do most times. She's the best. I wouldn't make it without her that's for sure. and I have a DH who sits right next to me at 3 am taking my daughter's temperature reading her books as I put a wet washcloth on her face, not making me do this alone. And I have a dad who listens to me about my ovarian cysts because he's pretty great too. I have a lot of people who love me. Life ain't so bad. - rant over

Anyway, we have a family wedding this weekend!!!! So excited. I'm a bridesmaid and it's just going to be a really nice time to enjoy love and life. Did I mention it's on DH's side of the family so my 'oh so wonderful' sister is taking the kids - FOR TWO NIGHTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! HALLELUJAH!