You may remember last April when Relativity Media was negotiating with Bradley Cooper to star in a “reboot” of The Crow, which was somehow going to reinvent the franchise by being darker and grittier™ than the original, despite starring a guy who looks like he just fell off a sailboat in Connecticut. Cooper dropped out (supposedly, they actually wanted C-Tates or Mark Wahlberg to replace him) and the project has been on hold ever since, possibly because the guy whose idea it was managed to poke his eye out with safety scissors.

But now some concept art from the film that was to be has leaked out, and I have to say, I’m sorry I ever doubted this project. I had no idea that “dark and gritty” was going to mean “a top hat with a skull on it.” Suddenly, all my reservations have disappeared. It’s like if you tell me you’re going to take a ’69 Mustang and make it more extreme, I probably wouldn’t believe you, because it’s already so extreme. But then if you drive up in that same car and it has flames painted on it? I’d probably be all, “Whoa, dude, that is pretty extreme.”

The real victim in all of this is the Steampunk Hatter, and all of the business they’re going to lose.

Are you kidding me? I’m terrified of The Connecticut-Crow! All those Ghost-Nuggies and getting ghost-thrown in a dumpster, the endless, punishing ghost-towel-snaps the baddies would have to endure. Plus he’d be all limbered-up from Ghost-massages and taking a Ghost-steam in the Ghost-sauna! He’d be all fresh and ready to go! And he’d constantly get bailed out by his Ghost-daddy every time he was in over his top-hat and monocle. Poor people ghosts don’t scare me at all. The Connecticut-Crow? I’d shit my Sean-John leather pants!

awww come on gag seriousely who they idiot that came up with that idea they original with brandon lee they original movie crow and the way the chracter look was incrdible it allways was and allways well be classic that look is completly rediclouse and soooooo out of proper character look give it man leave the effin movie alone and leave the character the way it is and met to be