"Fans of the Hobbit knows that hobbits eat two breakfasts, and eat about seven times per day. 'We just felt with the two breakfasts that whole notion of comfort eating and comfort food satirical gluttony' were a fit for Denny's, said Frances Allen, CMO at the restaurant chain."posted by griphus at 11:01 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

Actually, now that I think of it, French toast is sort of how I've always imagined lembas would taste. Maybe halfway between French toast and a really good, flaky croissant.posted by XMLicious at 11:06 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Radagast's Red Velvet Pancake Puppies will have to be magnificent. Mick Hucknall's Pink Pancakes really set the bar high.posted by delfin at 11:11 AM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

I and my friends will noisily cram our maws with these delights, and jam stray bits of greasy swill into our jackets and coin-purses "for later."posted by Greg_Ace at 11:12 AM on October 23, 2012 [6 favorites]

flame broiled herb-crusted smaugposted by hal9k at 11:13 AM on October 23, 2012

I am looking forward to the painfully long Silmarillion Appetizer and Salad menu, which is sung to you by the waitress after you've completed your meal, and contains many, many obscure dishes that are all but impossible to pronounce.posted by mosk at 11:16 AM on October 23, 2012 [43 favorites]

Chip the glasses and crack the plates!
Blunt the knives and bend the forks!
That's what Dennys hates -
Smash the bottles and burn the corks!posted by hal9k at 11:18 AM on October 23, 2012 [16 favorites]

Denny's has got to be the only greasy spoon that somehow makes a hangover worse.posted by uncleozzy at 11:19 AM on October 23, 2012 [4 favorites]

I am looking forward to the painfully long Silmarillion Appetizer and Salad menu, which is sung to you by the waitress after you've completed your meal, and contains many, many obscure dishes that are all but impossible to pronounce.

Don't forget the laborious descriptions of the previous eight generations of menus, gone over in length until you decide you're not even hungry anymore because dealing with this isn't worth the meal.posted by FatherDagon at 11:19 AM on October 23, 2012 [14 favorites]

Well sir, if I could make Moons Over My Hammy like that I would call myself a short-order cook. But it was the burning that went to my heart, if you know what I mean.posted by darksasami at 11:24 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

You can tell the general "goodness" of a forthcoming movie by which restaurant chain ends up with the fast food tie-in campaign. Denny's is not a promising sign...

(The scale may have changed a bit since I came up with it, but in the day, McDonalds was a top drawer movie. Burger King was pretty good. By the time you got down to Arby's or (god help you) Subway, the movie was going to be shit. Denny's was better than those, but not that much better.)posted by Naberius at 11:24 AM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

Denny's has got to be the only greasy spoon that somehow makes a hangover worse.

Back when Mr. Arkham and I were just friends, we'd all go out in a group, get drunk, then go to Denny's nearly every week. And nearly every week, he'd go out in the parking lot and vomit afterward. He swears it prevented hangovers.

And yes, I eventually married him anyway. And we have switched to better booze and food.posted by JoanArkham at 12:01 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

I don't think Bilbo's Pizza can compare to the Hobbit Inn in Ólafsvík, Iceland. I've eaten there and can vouch for their pizza.posted by ursus_comiter at 12:04 PM on October 23, 2012

nothing is true, everything is permittedposted by Bwithh at 12:06 PM on October 23, 2012

does Gandalf "gobble' in the book? what does he gobble.

+
are any of these dishes presented as incorporating Hobbit meat?posted by Bwithh at 12:08 PM on October 23, 2012

Contrast this with the Alamo Drafthouse and its annual Lord of the Rings trilogy menu. That was the inspiration for our own go at a full set of Hobbit meals to accompany the extended editions of all three movies:

It works out that if you start First Breakfast with the first movie, then you can basically serve courses at each disc change, plus a longer break between TTT and ROTK to accomodate afternoon tea and a leg-stretching walk. This lets you keep a good pace without overly interrupting the movies. The only two courses that require significant cooking before serving are First Breakfast (made before you start) and Elevenses (made during the break in between Fellowship and TTT). Everything else can be made ahead of time and either served cold (e.g. the duck breast) or gently reheated in the oven (e.g. the squash & carrot purée).posted by jedicus at 12:23 PM on October 23, 2012 [33 favorites]

The Hobbit pub in Southampton, UK has been naming their drinks after Tolkein characters for years now. This is all, of course, without the permission of the various copyright holders which I hear has got them into some trouble before.posted by absolutelynot at 12:26 PM on October 23, 2012

What's really disturbing is the product placement going the other way. Seeing that bit in the trailer where Gimli orders a Grand Slam Breakfast and Fili's Moons Over My Hammy at Bag End sure left an odd taste.posted by Metro Gnome at 1:06 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

The Hungry Hobbit , a small cafe in Birmingham near Tolkien's childhood home, has had years of bullying threats from lawyers over changing its branding. Now they do an excellent Second Breakfast.posted by brilliantmistake at 1:24 PM on October 23, 2012

This is why Christopher Tolkien has become a bitter old man, who despises the movies, and in this instance I can't say I blame him.

That Alamo Drafthouse menu, on the other hand... I Want To Go To There.posted by dnash at 1:32 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

That I'm glad that the films have connected (and will continue to connect) so many people to Tolkien's work who might have otherwise missed it, does not make me hate this any less. Now if only the sun would come up and turn all these corporate trolls to stone...posted by BigHeartedGuy at 1:57 PM on October 23, 2012

As was written in the Pepsi Blue Book of Westmarch.posted by JHarris at 2:09 PM on October 23, 2012

The Hobbit pub in Southampton, UK has been naming their drinks after Tolkein characters for years now. This is all, of course, without the permission of the various copyright holders which I hear has got them into some trouble before.

Heh, I know people that used to tend bar there! And also go there to try and pull. (Not the same people.)posted by Kitteh at 2:23 PM on October 23, 2012

Denny's delved too greedily and deep. You know what they woke in the darkness...posted by jadepearl at 2:30 PM on October 23, 2012 [2 favorites]

euphemisms for pooping

Fighting a Balrog
Seeking Council with Radagast the Brown
Sounding the Horn of Gondor
Befouling the pool of Henneth Annun
The Fall of Numenor
Unearthing Durin's Bane
Spawning the Uruk-Hai
Summoning the Rohirrim
Wielding the Secret Fire
Turning Slinker into Stinker

PS - Sorry for the one man derail but my friends and I have been texting back and forth for the past hour and I can't not share them.
PPS - In all honesty this exercise has moved today from the "Unproductive" to the "Productive" mental category as far as I am concerned.posted by nathancaswell at 3:03 PM on October 23, 2012 [21 favorites]

Perhaps if you had some Longbottom Leaf or Old Tobey you could work up the appetite ;)posted by Capricorn13 at 3:52 PM on October 23, 2012

The Hobbit pub in Southampton, UK has been naming their drinks after Tolkein characters for years now. This is all, of course, without the permission of the various copyright holders which I hear has got them into some trouble before.

Bilbo's Pizza in Kalamazoo MI is awesome. The pizza is delicious, they brew their own beer on site. When I used to go to WMU, we would always eat there after fencing practice. Their original location was all done up like a hobbit hole, with wood benches and hand painted murals of dragons and ogres on the walls. Alas, the original location was shut down a few years ago( the complex it was in changed ownership), the current locations still have awesome pizza and beer, but are more family dining oriented.

Seriously. The best pizza ever. I reccomend the deep dish whole wheat crust and a side of dill sauce.posted by RampantFerret at 5:24 PM on October 23, 2012 [1 favorite]

There used to be a Bilbo's in East Lansing, too. Murals, wood benches with knots visible, etc. We used to eat there, but so long ago I can't remember if the food was any good.posted by not that girl at 6:55 PM on October 23, 2012

My boyfriend would like to point out his astonishment that no one has yet posted:

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