I will tell you everything there is to know about martial arts

I'm new here and just started practicing martial arts, but I'm not going to let that stop me from delivering an asinine rant about various styles and their relative effectiveness. I will start by making ridiculous and unverifiable claims about my own abilities, then proceed to regurgitate every half-assed theory and argument about the awesomeness of one style or another supported by anecdotal evidence that lacks any credibility whatsoever. I will then couch all of my statements in language that allows me to weasel out of my stated position with excuses like "It depends on the practitioner" and "It's just my opinion", with the latter presuming that anyone actually cares. And I refuse to proofread, spell check, or use the return key. Don't bother arguing with me, because you are all too beneath me for me to respond.

Sorry.

Seriously, I went to my first class last night, and I wanted to thank everyone here for opening my eyes to possibilities I never would have thought of otherwise. This site is great and y'all are awesome.

Oh, so what did I actually learn about martial arts last night?

1. I am fucking out of shape. I damn near blacked out and had to go puke halfway through.
2. I am a complete spaz.
3. BJJ is the shiz-nizzle.

The only two places where throwing up and keeping going are a right of passage.

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and ignorant;
they too have their story.