For some reason, some people think being quiet and reserved is a negative quality. Actually, having this kind of personality can be a positive thing, or at least not a bad thing. In fact, there can be a number of benefits to being quiet and reserved.[1] There are also a number of ways you can come to accept yourself for being quiet and reserved.

Steps

Method1

Acknowledging the Positives

1

Make a list of the positives. While society tends to favor extroverted or outgoing personalities, this doesn't mean that you don't have just as much value. Make a list of all the positive effects your being quiet and reserved might have.[2]

Start a log. If you are having trouble making a list of positives about being quiet and reserved, start writing down specific instances where your personality helped you. You may find that your memory is biased to remember negatives but this technique can help you to find the positives about your personality.[4]

If you have a smartphone, jot down your notes there then transfer them to a word document or write your notes down in a journal.

If you don't have a phone that you can take notes on while you're out and about, consider keeping a paper and pen on you so you can write your thoughts down during the day before you forget what happened.

3

Read up on your personality. People have studied the power of quiet and reserved personalities. There are several resources that might give you a new and empowered perspective about yourself, for example:

Try reading about the evolutionary logic behind your personality. In some environments, introverts thrive more than extroverted individuals, particularly when being outgoing comes with costs (like when living somewhere with lots of infectious diseases, since being outgoing exposes you to more diseases).[5]

Try to be comfortable in your own skin. Once you have realized that there are may positives to being quiet and reserved, try to accept yourself for who you are. Self-acceptance is a positive trait in and of itself. And, as long as you are happy with how you are, that matters most. In fact, many would suggest that being comfortable in your own skin is more important than having in one kind of 'skin' in particular. There a number of tips you can try to become more comfortable in your own skin[6]:

Write down a list of your strengths.

Forgive yourself for past wrongs you have done. Try to keep in mind that mistakes can allow you to learn but don't need to hold you back in life.

Treat yourself well and remember that perfection is not part of the human experience; you will have quirks and faults just like everyone else, and that's OK!

5

Learn about successful introverts. There are a number of quiet and reserved people who have become successful in their own ways. Consider these individuals[7]:

Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft.

J.K Rowling who wrote the Harry Potter series.

Albert Einstein, one of the greatest physicists of all time.

Rosa Parks, famous Civil Rights activist.

Method2

Finding Like-Minded People

1

Think about those you know. Ask yourself if you know anyone in your social network who has a similar personality. You could then make an effort to get to know this person better. It may be easier to accept your personality if you surround yourself with others who are similar.

You will probably have more in common with people who are similarly quiet and reserved than you would with people who are quite outgoing and extroverted.

2

Find a meetup group for similar people. You can use the website http://shy.meetup.com/ to find other quiet and reserved people to socialize with.

If there aren't any upcoming events in your area, consider organizing one yourself!

3

Participate in online forums. You may find that talking with others online who are similar to you can help you to accept yourself for who you are. When you realize that there are lots of other people out there who are also quiet and reserved, it can help you to realize that your personality characteristics are quite normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

To find an online forum, try searching with the terms: "forums for shy people"

4

Create a support group. If you are struggling to accept yourself, consider starting a support group and recruiting like-minded people for social support.[8]

You'll need to decide a few things about your group. Ask yourself where you will hold your meetings and when and what the name of your group will be.

You will also need to advertise the group. You can try recruiting on online forums or posting ads on bus stops in your city.

Method3

Getting Professional Help

1

Find a mental health professional. Sometimes no matter how hard you try on your own, you just can't come to accept something about yourself. That is totally OK and normal; you may benefit from seeing a mental health professional such as a psychologist, psychiatrist, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), licensed professional counselor (LPC), or marriage and family therapist (MFT), all of whom can help you to work through your problem.

Ask your family doctor. It may be that you suffer from severe social anxiety. If this is the case, it may be worth asking your doctor about the possibility of trying out an anti-anxiety medication.[9]

You may suffer from social anxiety disorder if typical social interactions cause you large amounts of anxiety, fear, or embarrassment because you feel you are being negatively evaluated by others.

3

Make a list of your symptoms. If you decide to seek a medical or mental health professional, there are a number of things you can do to get the most out of your visit. You can start by writing down the kinds of symptoms you have been experiencing and in what circumstances. [10]

It is better to have too much detail here than too little. Let your doctor decide what information is important and what is tangential.

4

Make a list of questions. There may be a number of things on your mind and you want to make sure you get the most out of your appointment. To do this, be sure to come prepared with a written list of questions you can refer to during your appointment.[11] Examples of questions to ask include:

Asking about any medications you might be able to take.

Asking about the pros and cons of medications.

Asking what alternatives there are to taking medications, such as lifestyle changes.

Asking about the side-effects of medications.

Asking about the possible underlying cause of your social anxiety.

Score0 / 0

Method 1 Quiz

How can writing down specific memories or examples of your introverted personality be beneficial?

You can learn new ways to work around it.

Try again! There will be some instances when you may need to get a confidence boost or work through your nerves, like presenting a large project, for example. Still, there's nothing wrong with being quiet or introverted and it's not something you need to "get over"! Guess again!

Embarrassing memories or thoughts will inspire you to become more outgoing.

Nope! It's important for you to reframe the context of these memories. You're not trying to shame yourself here, but rather find the positive elements of your personality that you might otherwise overlook. Choose another answer!

You can find the positive elements in your introversion.

Correct! Sometimes when you look back at old memories, you are doing so through a lens or bias. Instead, reconsider these memories from a new perspective to see how your quiet or shy nature might have impacted the situation in a positive way! Read on for another quiz question.

Score0 / 0

Method 2 Quiz

Why is it valuable to communicate with other shy or introverted people?

You can show you are better than extroverted people.

Nope! Introverted and extroverted people are simply different. One type of personality isn't better than the other and you certainly don't want to make someone else feel bad just for not being like you. Still, there are benefits to communicating with others like yourself. Choose another answer!

You can complain about the issues facing introverted people together.

Not exactly. True, it helps to have someone in your circle who can empathize rather than simply sympathize. Still, communicating with others who are shy or quiet is more about focusing on the positive than the negative. Click on another answer to find the right one...

It will get friends and family off your back.

Try again! Of course, if your friends or family are extroverted, they may not understand that you like being on your own. Try to remember that their concern is coming from a place of kindness. It's beneficial to have friends who understand your experiences, but not simply because they will get you some peace. Click on another answer to find the right one...

It will help you to accept that introversion is ok.

That's right! Communicating with others who experience the same nerves and anxieties is a great way to understand your own fears. It will also help you to understand that there are many others out there like you and that your personality is nothing to be ashamed of. Read on for another quiz question.

Score0 / 0

Method 3 Quiz

What is an example of social anxiety that might make you seek out professional help?

When you avoid someone you don't like.

Not quite! Extroverted or introverted, we are all going to come across people we don't like in our lives. Avoiding that person to whatever extent possible isn't a sign of social anxiety, so much as you taking smart steps to protect yourself! Choose another answer!

When you feel as though others are always judging you.

Correct! Of course, this sense of judgement or negative evaluation happens to everyone from time to time. Still, if you feel as though you are constantly being negatively evaluated by everyone around you, you may want to consider seeing a mental health professional. Read on for another quiz question.

When you'd rather read on a Friday night than party.

Nope! There is nothing wrong with being shy or making the decision to avoid a social gathering. If you'd prefer to read, you should do so without shame. Still, if you find yourself constantly turning down invitations, even for smaller gatherings, consider asking yourself why that is. Guess again!

When you find yourself judging others.

Try again! Of course, we often judge people out of a place of insecurity, but that's no excuse. If you're going around judging people a lot, maybe it's a good idea for you to take a step back and ask yourself why. The answer to that question will help you with other interactions in the future. Try another answer...

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It shouldn't be perceived as being the same thing because those who are very shy have some difficulty with socializing, but this is closer to being a life-style choice. To make a distinction, despite what the article says about talking to a doctor, someone introverted and quiet but not shy may enjoy hours spent reading at a library for the fun of it and also have no problem greeting total strangers as a server, but somebody that's very shy, if it's bad enough, will deliberately avoid people.

"This article made me feel more at ease about being who I am, true to myself, instead of feeling like I am defective because I'm not outgoing. There are many positives about me, but most people won't take the time to get to know me."..." more

MO

Michelle Ononiwu

Mar 20, 2017

"It was very helpful. it's teaching me to be happy in my own skin. Love yourself."