Tuesday, June 12, 2012

You're going to want to read this one...

I'm not exactly sure why, but I have been DREADING turning 30. Maybe it's in part from all of the grey hairs that seem to be sprouting up all over my head, almost as if they're taunting me! And then a few weeks ago (this is GROSS, so be prepared!), I took a sip from a straw and felt something very strange in my throat, gagged it up, and out came a FLY! The song "There was an OLD LADY who swallowed a fly..." kept ringing through my ears. (I did warn you; it's a gross story!) I actually began the "preparations" for my 30th starting on my last birthday when I deemed it my "first annual 29th birthday," therefore making this year my "second annual 29th birthday." So this year, I rode 29+1 miles on my bike on my birthday week to commemorate the occasion:) I think what it really all boils down to, if I'm being completely honest, is that I really thought that my life would look a little different by this point.

HOLD UP THOUGH! I'm not saying I don't absolutely love my life! I am madly in love with a husband who is madly in love with me, we have a BEAUTIFUL little girl who lights up our lives in so many ways, we live in such a great town full of loving people and serve in a church that we are so blessed to be a part of. I have amazing extended family (my momma is truly my best friend!), we live in a beautiful home that I love, I have time to spend on my hobbies and friends that share in the love of those hobbies. I have an amazing support system of friends and mentors in my life...really, the list could just go on and on. I.am.BLESSED!

What I meant by the previous statement though is that I think I thought by the time I turned 29 again *smiles* that I would have accomplished a few more things I had set out to do in my life. With each passing year, I realize my childhood dream of portraying Little Ride Riding Hood in Into the Woods just isn't going to be a possibility with all of the grey that is now adorning my once dark brown locks. (This may seem like a silly goal for some, but it was honestly on my bucket list.) And, as a child dreaming of their future, I think I envisioned myself with many more children by the time I reached this age. So as 30 draws closer and closer, I think I've realized those dreams and goals are falling further and further behind.

So, about a year ago when I began struggling over the issue of age (and yes, I know 30 really isn't that old! For some reason, it's just been a big number for me to think about.), the Lord gave me this verse (I may have shared it on here before.):

Romans 5:1-5

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2 through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God.3 Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.5 And hope does not disappoint, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

You see, I had to come to a point where I trusted in God enough to do something with my hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams are something we often cling to with everything we've got, but when we hold on tightly to something and are unwilling to let it go, it is never free to really turn into anything more than just a hope and a dream. We have to be willing to let it go so God can do something with it--we have to TRUST in Him. Bottom line: Do I trust God? I want that answer to be a wholehearted YES!! And I want to truly believe that placing my hope in Jesus will never disappoint me. He has proved His faithfulness so many times in my life-why would I doubt Him now?

So, that brings me to last Thursday. I've been reading through Genesis, and my reading for that day "just happened" to be chapter 41. When I came to verse 46, I just stopped and started bawling. This is what it says:

"Joseph was thirty years old when he entered the service of Pharoh the Kind of Egypt..."

I think I talked about Joseph in a previous post, but lets recap: Remember the boy who had these grand dreams that the Lord had given him? Well, before God brought those dreams to fulfillment, Joseph went through YEARS of torment, turmoil, and unfulfillment. But then, when he turned 30, it was the start of those dreams finally being brought to life.
So why did this bring me to tears? Because the day that I read that, last Thursday, June 7th, was the day that we drove to meet our baby's birthmother.

Yes! You read that right! WE HAVE BEEN SELECTED BY A BIRTHMOTHER! WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!

I know ya'll want details, but I will save those for the next post:) I just wanted to share our AMAZING news with you guys though! We are THRILLED, GRATEFUL, and totally praising God for answering our heart's cry! Please join us in praying for our precious, beautiful birthmother and her baby, and that all will go smoothly.

When we were struggling with infertility, I too thought 30 would be really rough if I didn't have any kids by then. I dreamed I'd be done having kids or at least in the middle of that part of my life when I turned 30. So I started to dread 30. And then God showed up. I will be pregnant with my 4th child on my 30th birthday and will be looking back on the awesome things he has done for us since last year. Our God is amazing!! And 30 won't be so bad after all.

There is nothing more I can say but, WE HAVE AN AWESOME GOD. He as blessed in so many ways. Our family is growing in more ways than having children, we are growing in having faith. Without faith we have nothing. I already love our precious little one on the way, and cannot wait to hold our little baby.

By the way, just wait till you are 36 and having a baby...lol it does and can happen, when you least expect it...... and it happens all the time.

PB!!! I'm so so so excited about this!!! I missed this post while getting ready for and being on vacation, so what an awesome thing to come home to! I'm so thrilled for you, Michael, and Lucy! What an incredible blessing. <3

About Me

I go by many names, but my favorites are wife and mommy. The lengthier version though is I am a 29(+6) year old wife of 15 years to my very best friend who I serve alongside in Christian ministry. I teach piano lessons in our home and am a Norwex independent sales consultant (http://www.Paula-BethToller.norwex.biz), but mostly I stay busy as a stay-at-home mommy to our four miracle babies: Lucy: 10, Gabriel: 5, Annie: 3, and Evangeline: 1.
We began this blog to chronicle our adoption journey in 2012. That journey has shaped us so much as a family, so we continue this blog as a way to journal through all God is teaching us as a family. He truly writes the best stories!