This Cutwater-created commercial for Levi's is stupid. Yes, it's not polite to stare and objectify by either sex but come on! We are all human. We are all sexually attracted to one another. It's natural. It's innate. It's normal. Just admiring the beauty of another human doesn't mean we are all lecherous sex maniacs deserving of a body slam. Sometimes it's just nice to look at and appreciate pretty things. It isn't always about dirty thoughts

And by the way, the pretty things who get looked at, male or female (which, by the way, that stupid PC ending in the commercial is just stupid), shouldn't always assume the onlooker is out for anything more than the pleasure one derives from looking at a beautiful painting in a museum.

What do a penguin, a beauty queen and a crownfish have to do with each other? Nothing unless they are the main characters in a Samsung commercial in which a Penguin rescues the beauty queen who has just caught herself a Crownfish.

It's all very weird. Very noir. And it all points to Samsung's See the Whole Story website.

It's always a little irksome when a film boasts an "all-star cast," because if THAT'S the card it's playing, there's probably not much else going on.

The Women, a remake of a movie from 1939, has just such a cast. Think Candace Bergen! Annette Benning! Jada Pinkett-Smith! Meg Ryan! Bette Midler! Eva Mendes! It's a walking, talking line-up for the cover of next month's Vanity Fair.

When it comes to getting yourself tested for certain kinds of STDs, you can be reasonably sure the tested parts are your own and you have a pretty clear history of the part's activities. That is unless you are Frankenstein about to have unprotected sex with his first love in this Danish commercial.

Now if I could only remember that "detachable penis" song from like 20 years ago.

Ever watch a horror movie and begin to scream at the screen because the bubble-headed, big-breasted, airhead insists on answering the phone or opening the closet door rather than just...um...just walking away? Or some other totally illogical idiocy? Of course you have.

You'll want to do it again when you watch this DDB Stockholm-created commercial for McDonald's. You will scream, "Just lift the fries up to your mouth, you idiot!"

In its continuing quest to transform the tragically unhip into something, well, not quite hip but into something people will at least consider using. Weiden + Kennedy is out with two more commercials illustrating the transformative powers of Old Spice Swagger (seriously? Swagger?). One features Brian Urlacher. The other, LL Cool J. The basic message? Even manly dudes like Urlacher and LL were losers until...they began using Old Spice products.

Funny thing. They probably were using their dad's Old Spice back in the day and that didn't seem to help. Perhaps, once again, it's advertising that's the transformative thing in people's lives.

After viewing these commercials hyping The Big Ten Conference, one is led to believe the great American sport of football is running scared fearing of the "real" game of football everyone else in the world plays could jeopardize the sport. A drive by any field in any town in America reinforces that fear to some degree. It seems every kid in every town across the country is playing soccer. Well, maybe not in Texas but everywhere else, it seems.

Could soccer - called football everywhere else in the world - ever come close to unseating American football? Not likely but a drive by all those fields makes one wonder once in a while.

We know there are a lot of soccer...uh...football stars out there who can manipulate the ball in ways you never thought a ball could be manipulated but we haven't yet seen a manipulator who can get all the balls in one pocket all at the same time. What we really want to know is: did that hurt?

This is "Ca$h," a fun little ad for a gratuitously violent game called Mercenaries 2: World in Flames. I love how it illustrates the acquisition of profit by unethical means: the seedy backdrops, filthy oceans, and characters' faces all bear the delightfully crisp stamp of currency.

And the song! It's convivial and music-hallish, the kind of thing you learn the words to, then leap around and mouth while blowing holes through the furniture with your bad-ass mercenary fingertips. What a feast it'll be for the PTC when these role models invade their living rooms.

Put together in HD by Shilo for DraftFCB/San Francisco. Electronic Arts debuted the spot on August 18 Stateside; it'll start running September 5 in the United Kingdom. I can hardly wait to see what it looks like on TV.