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Is it possible to ask our son’s relatives and our close friends to send him money instead of boxed graduation presents? He needs money for college. He doesn’t want some random article of clothing, bedding or towels.

We’re having a graduation party early in the evening with the older people and then he’s going off with his friends. I know guests will feel that they have to bring a wrapped boxed gift: he won’t pretend to act all gushy and grateful about having to unwrap it in front of them.

–Cecily, Worcester, MA

For graduation presents, it would be more polite to ask for gift cards and suggest stores he’ll use. For instance gift cards for CVS, J.Crew, Bed Bath & Beyond could be utilized before he leaves home — or at college.

A Starbucks or a Subway can be found pretty readily in most college towns.

The only problem with gift cards is that they can go missing, but so can checks.

Placing a twenty dollar, fifty dollar, or hundred bill in a gift envelope with his name on it, would probably work best.

Be honest with your family and friends. Just say, “Zack doesn’t want stuff, he only wants cash.”

Cash in an envelope is a graduation present a guest coming to your son’s grad party can walk in with, handover to your son, and in return receive a firm handshake from the graduate. Tell your son that.

Get the word out: Gift card or cash.

Don’t expect him to write a thank-you note. Nevertheless, spending a modicum amount of time with a gift giving guest can go a long way.

~Didi

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