Comments on: Why Do We Rush to Go on as Many Coffee Dates as Possible, When Coffee Dates Almost Always Suck?http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/
Understand Men. Find Love.Fri, 18 Aug 2017 02:40:56 +0000hourly1https://wordpress.org/?v=4.7.5By: Sparkling Emeraldhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-6507837
Wed, 10 Aug 2016 20:19:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-6507837Steve and Jil. I am a believer in inexpensive or free first meet and greets. I don’t expect a guy who doesn’t know me to be generous with me. It’s no indication of his ” cheapness” to not shell out big bucks for a near stranger, any more than its a sign of ” frigidity” if a woman doesn’t have sex on a first date. I encourage men to make that first meeting with an online date inexpensive or free. A nice girl won’t fault a near stranger as cheap for not shelling out big bucks. I met my fiance on a coffee date. I got there first and bought my own cup of coffee. He offered to buy me a pastry, I accepted. We decide to go for a walk afterwards. He then offered to treat me to a glass of wine and appetizers. I said yes. Then he suggested we go to a movie, Unsaid yes and suggested the dollar cinemas. That initial ” coffee” date turned into an all day , day of fun, then a second date, a third, and a ring on my finger and a wedding being planned for next year. So I am a big believer in initially scheduling a short inexpensive date as it is easier to extend a short date, than it is to cut short a long and expensive date. I may be biased in favor of the ” coffee date as mine led me to love and an engagement, but I think the initial inexpensive short date works well for BOTH parties. JM2C,. YMMV.
]]>By: jilhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-6507792
Wed, 10 Aug 2016 18:08:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-6507792Except it shows that you are a cheap guy. And women hate cheap guys.
]]>By: Cocoahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-6502803
Thu, 28 Jul 2016 05:24:12 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-6502803The point is women know you’re filtering by suggesting the coffee date which is not something I want to think about on a date.
]]>By: Deehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-6400795
Tue, 02 Feb 2016 12:10:18 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-6400795I’ve only been on one coffee “date” and it was horrible. We basically met at Starbucks and it was just that, a meeting. We sat and talked and he didn’t offer to buy coffee or anything else. He did suggest we leave Starbucks and go back to his place though. His Tinder profile said he was looking for a partner for life. I guess sex partner for life was what he meant.
]]>By: Ashleyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-6307901
Fri, 30 Oct 2015 00:36:24 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-6307901I’m very selective with who I choose to go on dates with. After the initial messaging on the site we exchange telephone numbers, then talk for about a week and then go on an actual dinner date. It’s a process. Most guys don’t make it to that point with me, and I don’t go out on a ton of dates. But after messaging on the site and a week of talking on the phone, we should both know if we want to get together for an actual date. I’m not into quantity or guys that mass date many women. I’m looking to date the man looking for the one, who is selective with his time and resources just as I am. If he’s mass dating many women then I’m not interested. If he’s not taking the time to talk to me over the phone and get to know me before the date I’m not interested. And it may sound harsh but if he’s too cheap to afford dinner at Olive Garden I’m not interested. I mean come on. You’re supposedly looking for a wife or girlfriend (I always ask their intentions) yet you can’t invest $50 bucks to meet her? That’s not impressing me. I find that guys willing to take you to dinner are just more serious, bottom line. Additionally, it takes time for me to get all pretty, drive to the date, etc. I’m simply not doing all of that for a coffee date. Now I realize this cancels out some guys and I’m totally fine with that. I’m not looking for many guys I’m only looking for one good man who is right for me.
]]>By: Gailhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-5868203
Tue, 16 Jun 2015 23:19:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-5868203Having just had the most awesome coffee date..maybe a first..I have something to offer..I do not have tons of coffee dates..but I have dated for years..it gets complicated in your mid-sixties.. Well a man wrote me a great note..so great in fact I am still wondering if it was too great..and then I met him..he chose a good place..my favorite coffee place..and he was charming..we agreed on many things..and wanted to continue with dinner..I said..that I needed to go home and eat my diet food..I had mentioned I was dieting..he was flattering but he got that it was a goal and made a date for the following week..Once in every hundred dates someone really compatible may show up. Whether it is coffee, drinks or lunch or dinner it could work out any way..I prefer coffee but will do lunch as well. I am loathe to accept dinner because dinner is longer and so if it isn’t fun the pain is longer..but accepting a date is how you find out who you are talking to. Until you have the person in front of you you can’t really get to know them much.
]]>By: Johnny Boyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-4769342
Wed, 14 Jan 2015 08:10:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-4769342Maybe those dates suck because going for coffee is BORING?
Maybe people need to come up with something better?

Coffee/drinks is so 1990 people. Get with the times and do something exciting!

]]>By: Kayhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-885384
Wed, 15 May 2013 20:03:02 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-885384I’m pretty new to the online dating scene, and I suspect this question is referring to them in that context. I just wanted to say that I love getting coffee with people (guys and women–I’m bi) and still believe in that nice cafe atmosphere. Coffee is a stimulant, keeps the conversation going, doesn’t leave you over full and sluggish. Usually coffee dates are a bit more casual and spontaneous. Maybe shouldn’t be all you do together if its someone you really like, people who like cafes and coffee will sometimes loiter, you can always order more food or drink at your leisure.
In the online world, I suspect coffee date is safe for a first meeting because its faster than a meal (in case your date sucks and you need a quick out). But that might be more of an issue with online dating evolution than the nostalgia for cafe socializing. We’re filtering out people as fast as we can say “to go”, and perhaps the “coffee date” has become just another quick filter for people we’re not that sure about.
]]>By: Joannehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-400953
Thu, 13 Sep 2012 19:40:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-400953Peter, I don’t need 15 minutes in person. I generally can tell during the first phone conversation if I’m going to be annoyed by him. In these cases, I usually don’t accept a date. However, not to long ago, I did. Mostly because we had some activities in common anod I figured maybe he would make a decent activity partner. I tend to enjoy men who like to talk but who can’t be heard on the other side of the room. This man was exactly in person as he was on the phone: opinionated, correcting, a little brash, and faaaaar too loud and outgoing for me – the attention seeking behavior was never-ending. I like outgoing and charismatic, but I don’t like know-it-alls, which he was. I knew I wasn’t going to like him before spending 15 minutes with him. I just didn’t know he would make me so turned off I’d want to drink more, lol.
]]>By: Fuseehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-400894
Thu, 13 Sep 2012 17:31:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-400894Funny! While I certainly like being asked for dinner first dates and used to accept them, lately I’ve downgraded such request to nice independant coffee/tea house afternoon dates. I love tea dates!

First reason: since I know the guy will want to pay (although I always offer to split the check) and see me again, I’m uncomfortable to accept dinner when the probability is so high that I will not want to continue. I’d rather have him spend $5.00 on me than $20.00.

Second reason: since slowing down the physical progression will be a priority to me, I find afternoon dates more suitable to put a brake on chemistry and romance and focus the date on getting to know one another in bright light and with sober minds.

Third reason: afternoon dates are easier to end early if needed, and they allow to keep my evening plans a bit of a mystery…

But I always accept an evening date for the second round : )
]]>By: Joannehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-400864
Thu, 13 Sep 2012 16:51:29 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-400864The worst dates I’ve been on are coffee dates. I don’t accept a date just for the hell of it. And I could pretty easily date several nights a week if I wanted to. I take the time to email, phone, text, blahblahblah. If at any time during that process, I get the feeling it’s a no go, I back off and slow down. If that process isn’t going well, why waste my time meeting them? After more than a year of internet dating, most of the guys I choose to finally meet are good guys who can at least carry a conversation for an hour or two, or I wouldn’t be there. I’d say 50-75% of my first dates want to stay in contact and date again. I might want to stay in contact and consider dating 10-20% of them, if not less. Also, I generally have stopped bothering to meet men who only want to cheap out for coffee. Sad but true. I am who and what I say I am and my time and patience are just too valuable for BS and men who want to date a million different women. Go quality or go home. Just not with him! 🙂
]]>By: Clarehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-348924
Sun, 24 Jun 2012 14:59:20 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-348924Ugh. Coffee dates. Ugh. I mean, I like coffee, I like meeting my girlfriends for coffee where we order several cups and chat away, but for a date? There is nothing less inspiring. I know it’s when you’re just “trying each other on for size”, but the stakes are too low. There’s nothing risky or romantic about it, and nothing to get excited about. It says, I don’t want to spend too much time or money here, and you feel pressurised to be finished within the hour. Almost like you’re setting the date up to be *bad*.

One of the loveliest first dates I’ve ever had was where I met a guy at an ambient restaurant with a relaxed atmosphere, and he taught me to play backgammon as we ate dinner. It lasted for 4 hours. This guy approached the date with confidence that we were going to have a good time, and we did. I realise it could have been with someone I didn’t click with and then that would have felt like a lot to sit through, but Evan has said it before, confidence is key and very attractive.

]]>By: Peterhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-348408
Sat, 23 Jun 2012 23:07:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-348408My dates have all been coffee dates or sitting on a park bench or walking through the woods despite my entreaties to do something more ambitious, generally about a trance music concert or a good restaurant. The dates have been a way of getting out of the house. (She’s my landlady when I travel on business). She refuses more ambitious dates because Russians see a accepting a dinner date as an obligation to sleep with a man and she avoids obligations. However, Russian owner run coffee houses are much more elegant than Starbucks as settings for a date and have pastries that rival France or Greece. I have tried Museums and Art Galleries but illness, usually her son’s, has intervened. If I was on the prowl then a coffee house would be great. I am a moderate consumer of alcohol. Offering coffee house or bar as a choice would be a good screening mechanism. Ditto “Do you want a cigarette?” Why spend £100 on dinner with someone who turns out to be a smoker?

@Kat. Until you’ve met someone you don’t know if you can stand them for 15 minutes.

]]>By: Pearlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-324796
Sat, 02 Jun 2012 20:58:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-324796I avoid coffee dates after reading Evan’s book. While coffee dates did not really suck, nothing good came out of them either. I like first date to be in the late evening because then I can dress up and look more beautiful. I also feel more relaxed and romantic.

If the date did not turn out well, I can bear with it for a couple of hours. Whats the big deal.

]]>By: Kathttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-324505
Sat, 02 Jun 2012 15:01:53 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-324505I will be the first to say that I’ve never been on a coffee date. However, I have been on many, many first and blind dates. Ideally, it’s a way to meet someone and test the waters without a time or financial commitment. I guess my question is: why are you dating people you may or may not be able to stand for more than 15 minutes?!? Even if it’s a blind date based on an online connection, I always get to know someone enough to know if I’d like to share a meal or go for a walk with them. Come on, people…raise the bar. Coffee dates are so 1955.

~Kat~

]]>By: susanhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-324161
Sat, 02 Jun 2012 09:26:53 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-324161So its just coffee so what? Isn’t this just about finding a low key, low stress way to meet someone for the first time?
I have never had a terrible first date, be it coffee or whatever – sure some have not been WONDERFUL but I have never been on one and not been asked for a second. That tells me no more than that the coffee is beside the point. The guy is there to meet you not the beverage.
]]>By: Kathleenhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-323610
Sat, 02 Jun 2012 00:55:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-323610I wanted to kill myself for NOT meeting last nights date at Starbucks first He looked unlike his picture was overweight got lost and was really late. I wanted to make an escape after 5 minutes………
]]>By: Vhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-323411
Fri, 01 Jun 2012 22:01:27 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-323411It’s so true. Coffee dates always suck. Low cost, low committment, low interest. Also, lame!
]]>By: harley517http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-170058
Sun, 07 Aug 2011 03:07:56 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-170058I believe that a good way to break the ice is to meet for a cup of coffee an then sit in a park or take a walk and chat. Talking on line is a good way to begin a relationship but I enjoy seeing someone’s reaction to things i say or they say. Until you have spent time just sharing in the conversation you don’t really know who a person is until u do. Coffee is an easy way to do that. Its a quiet relaxing place where you can have stimulating conversation get to know someone and make plans for getting together for lunch or dinner. Things take time to develop to build on the foundation of a solid relationship. A coffee date is a beginning to something more and yes sometimes it doesn’t work out but after the emails an texts u should know before u meet if the chemistry is there and no other time is wasted if u get together for coffee it shows each other that you are interested in getting to know them an to see what becomes of it.
]]>By: Trishahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-136998
Sat, 05 Feb 2011 15:43:29 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-136998Mary 25 – you are right on. If I get more than a few emails from a guy and it looks like a lifelong virtual partner, I’m out. I prefer to meet up right away, but then it appears I’ve only obtained a first date and nothing further. Grrr….!
]]>By: hunterhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16797
Mon, 03 Nov 2008 05:07:46 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16797Moon, I am sure you are a real sweetheart on dates.
]]>By: hunterhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16796
Mon, 03 Nov 2008 04:57:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16796Masochist?,,,OMG!…..hhmmhh, I think the movie “Dangerous Laisons” is boring…..LOL!…….
]]>By: JuJuhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16773
Sun, 02 Nov 2008 21:03:04 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16773hunter, you some sort of masochist? =P
]]>By: moonsicalhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16772
Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:55:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16772hunter,

That is SO comforting. Gosh I hope no one ever hopes I will die on the way to the bathroom! Egads.

moon

]]>By: hunterhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16767
Sun, 02 Nov 2008 18:03:40 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16767Keep in mind, the anxiety level is very high, on the first three dates. I ask all women out at least three times, even the ones I wish would die on the way to the bathroom!……
]]>By: A-Lhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16713
Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:25:12 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16713Just as an addendum to my last post, if a guy seems as though there’s potential from his e-mail/phone conversations, even if the chemistry isn’t popping and the conversation could be more scintillating, I’ll frequently give him a chance with a date to see if things improve. I tend to have the philosophy that I’ll continue to go out with someone until I can say definitely that I’m not interested/don’t see long-term potential with them. Of course, I can usually tell within 1-2 dates at the most (few guys get to 3 but not beyond).
]]>By: A-Lhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16712
Sun, 02 Nov 2008 03:23:21 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16712After reading JB’s post, I have to say, not really. Or maybe it means that I’m not willing to go out on as many dates as possible. Frequently my choices are zero or none in terms of new dates with guys I’m interested in. Guys who e-mail me one liner e-mails like “write me back” or have other horrendous errors…maybe. Guys who legitimately seem interesting and have potential? Maybe if I was a 10 I’d have all those offers, but as it is now, not so much.
]]>By: moonsicalhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/comment-page-2/#comment-16699
Sat, 01 Nov 2008 21:57:31 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16699Hunter,

Better yet, men can read profiles or have conversation with said woman and think to themselves, “Ah! She likes art! So do I! Maybe a Gallery Walk?” Possibly this is too much work for a man, though I find the men I actually do date have this going for them.

moon

]]>By: JBhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16639
Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:50:26 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16639The question Evan posed “Why do WE go on as MANY coffee dates as possible, when they almost always suck ?”
First off I’ve never been on a “coffee date” and I’m not sure if “meeting for an adult beverage date” is the same thing ? I can assure you it’s not because it’s a little more expensive. I usually meet for a drink or an appetiser depending on my “perceived” value of the lovely lady in question as well as the amount of rapport we’ve built up by email & phone etc… I think this question is mainly directed at the women because they have the quantity power at their disposal for the most part. Meaning they could probably get a guy to “meet them for a drink” 7 nights a week and never pay for any of them where as most men have to really put in a lot of effort to actually meet 3 new women a month. So the point I’m trying to make is the term “as many as possible” must be for women because what’s “possible” for them is vastly different to what’s “possible” for MOST guys. We just don’t have that choice when it comes to the numbers. For some guys, 1 or none are what’s even “possible”.
]]>By: Selenahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16634
Sat, 01 Nov 2008 01:17:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16634Glass of wine and an appetizer at a local place. Better atmosphere than a coffee house if nothing else.

And yes, if he’s too cheap to pay for just that much I probably won’t go out with him again. Sorry. Been down that road.

Subsequent cheap, free dates can be more fun than $$$ ones and I’m all for that. I simply have no interest in coffee after 10 am.

How true!…Men should always ask their partner, about, where to go on a first date.

]]>By: moonsicalhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16497
Wed, 29 Oct 2008 01:44:32 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16497Well, I’m one of those people who looks forward to job interviews–go figure–and I do not dread initial dates nor have I had a bad one. First, intentional meetings are almost always awkward for a few moments, but then they move forward.

My only point was how utterly mundane, even dull and common, “going for coffee,” is. There are millions of more fun things to do, and as my want is for a creative man, I do always hope for a sign of that. *I* have some fun date ideas, but as another woman on the blog made mention of, it feels odd to always have to lead. That’s not why we partner.

moon

]]>By: Amyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16459
Tue, 28 Oct 2008 15:43:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16459Yeah I agree with Mary and JuJu here. I think that I’m always on the look-out for cynicism – because expecting that you’ll need an “out” on a date can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. With the few exceptions I mentioned earlier (where we’ve already gotten to know each other for awhile and they were just coffee people), I tend to think of a “coffee date” as going into the date a little jaded.

I mean, think about it. If you go into… lets say a job.. with a positive attitude, chances are you will be happier with the position and continue focusing on the positive. If you are jaded and thinking about your last job, which you found disappointing or even hated, sure… you MIGHT be pleasantly surprised. But you also might bring in some of that negativity to your new job.

Not that dating and a job are the same but… right… hopefully you get my point. Lol. If I’ve been talking to a guy for awhile, I know that I’ll at least be able to have a good conversation with him. And that is worth a few hours of my time – whether there is chemistry or not. Its about respect, and I totally agree Juju, class. Two things I’d hope my date would have.

]]>By: Maryhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16439
Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:34:10 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16439Online dating goes in stages..At first you are a little skeptical and email back and forth for weeks…When that gets boring…you go for a couple of emails then hours on the phone…when that gets boring…you go for an email..phone call…then a meeting..somewhere…When that gets boring….You just say …”hey you! Let’s meet for coffee…” Then you know the cynicism has set in and it is time to take a breather and get offline for awhile.
]]>By: JuJuhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16436
Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:21:14 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16436Kenley,

I realize class can be expensive, and yet, it’s a trait I value highly and must, in fact, have in a mate.

You know, honestly, at first I thought nothing of the phrase, it’s after a few months of hearing it that it started to grate on me.

It’s the imposed limits I don’t like, I think, more so than the implied “cheapness”. On time (how flattering!), on effort (not exactly original, after all), and mostly, on MY input, in terms of ideas. Why doesn’t he ask what I want to do? Especially considering that from my response he could actually draw some valid conclusions about my personality.

I think in my entire history of online dating I met up with only one man who suggested coffee, and that was a long time ago, when I was inexperienced. Well, not to scare any of the men here, it was probably not just the coffee suggestion in the other cases, but a comprehensive display of unappealing (to me) behavior (and in all of this I, apparently, started discerning a pattern).

I do allow the possibility that my perception is all out of whack, though. 🙂

I think it’s perfectly fair for a guy not to want to spend a lot of money on a first date because it can get expensive if they are dating/filtering a number of women, and I don’t think they are being cheap per se. Dating can be very expensive for men if women think they have to pay for everything. I always just to suggest a free date. In the summer, I will suggest a walk along the lake or something outdoors. Or I suggest an outdoor art walk. Those have always been my best dates and at the end, the guys typically suggest we grab a meal.

All these “so, let’s go out for coffee” suggestions from men last time I was actively online-dating seemed to me to show lack of class. They were just too obvious in their reluctance to spend more money, but then, in my mind, going out is not necessarily associated with food – I could just as well go to a park or a [free] museum. (That’s not to mention that I am fully capable of paying for myself, if the expense is of such great concern to them.) If only these men weren’t so transparent.

But maybe that’s just me.

]]>By: Zannhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16420
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:49:47 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16420Sometimes they do suck, but I have yet to find a good alternative. Because I’d sure rather go on a fairly brief coffee date with someone I’ve never met than on a lunch, dinner, or even “1 glass of wine” date. With coffee, the biggest investment is a couple of bucks, regardless of who pays, and about 45 minutes. I’ve learned this the hard way, and the coffee date is the only way I’ll agree to meet someone in person for the first time, regardless of how much we’ve emailed or talked on the phone before that. I also try to have something lined up for afterward so I have an honest excuse when I want to make my exit. It also takes the pressure off the guy, in case he’s not all that thrilled with me, either. Life’s too short to spend uncomfortably with someone who, for whatever reason, you just don’t click with.
]]>By: satexasgirlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16418
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:46:17 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16418the wink and smile were supposed to be the semicolon with ) & colon with ). oops
]]>By: satexasgirlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16416
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:44:16 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16416Out of all of the dates I’ve had there has only been one bad coffee date, but I won’t go into details. I honestly don’t mind meeting a date for coffee especially a first meeting. It’s casual and easygoing. It should give the two people on the date to have an actual conversation that is not dependant on 😉 or 🙂 to indicate a wink or a smile.
]]>By: Pearlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16424
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 22:27:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16424According to this LA Times article, a warm drink can warm the heart. Hence, the popularity of coffee dates!

Or maybe it’s just caffeine addiction.
(Nice to see you, Evan, and congratulations!)

]]>By: Benhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16411
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:58:42 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16411I haven’t had a coffee date which sucked. As another poster said, even when they haven’t worked out, they’ve always been good conversation.

Save the $$$ dates for later. Especially since i have to pay for them.

]]>By: marchttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16410
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:46:35 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16410I’m of the school of thought that coffee dates are fine – ESPECIALLY if it’s an internet date. To me it doesn’t matter if I’m sitting in a Starbucks with some chick drinking overpriced coffee, at a bar sipping a glass of wine, or on a park bench drinking 40s out of a paper bag. It’s all about the company. If a person bores the shit out of you, they’ll bore you at Starbucks or at a four star restaurant.
]]>By: JuJuhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16408
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:10:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16408The only conceivable reason I can think of to go on a coffee date is if you aren’t sure the person is worth your time. In my case (well, perhaps not *always*, but most of the time), even if I end up not finding the guy attractive, after a few good phone conversations I can still be pretty sure that the date won’t be a total waste of my time.

So, the question should not be “why”, but “do you”.

I don’t rush to go on many not just coffee dates, but dates, period, as I am into quality over quantity. I strive to filter (LOL). I am fully aware that if, for instance, my profile said something insipid like “I am looking for a MAN with a capital M!!!”, I’d get hundreds more responses. But going through the hundreds I already receive is enough of a second job for me.

]]>By: Stevehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16407
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 21:01:14 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16407post #8. Another Steve, not the handsome intriguing regular. Good thread. I’ve only had a few coffee dates, but not second dates from them. Hmmm.
]]>By: Danahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16405
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:41:39 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16405I don’t go on coffee dates. Meeting for ONE glass of wine and an appetizer after work works for me. No caffeine buzz, you don’t get drunk but you can relax, you don’t have to chew much, it’s a weeknight so you can keep it to a couple hours at most and neither one of you has wasted a precious weekend day if it doesn’t work out. And even if it does work out, the first meeting should be pretty short anyway — it makes it less nerve-wracking and builds anticipation should you decide to meet again.
]]>By: Cillahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16402
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:32:00 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16402I do the screening process up front, with emails, phone calls, and the dreaded text messages. That way, by the time I meet I guy for drinks and dinner, I’m pretty confident I can stand to spend at least a couple of hours with him.

Hell, I flew to another state after corresponding with a guy for a month, sight unseen (other than photos). It was understood (actually anticipated) that we would be spending the night together right away. Risky, I know, and the relationship didn’t last (don’t even want to get into all the commentary about how it was because I slept with him too soon), but the sex was ungodly good. Would I do it again? Yeah, probably, given the right circumstances. Beat the best coffee date in the world by miles.

]]>By: happy girlhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16400
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 20:00:33 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16400I guess the reason I go on coffee dates is that if it does not work out you and the guy do not have to sit through a long drawn out meeting. However I have also gone for dinner, quick lunch, a drink at a nice bar. I almost always initiate the suggestion for a coffee date, but very often the guys I have been on a date with have suggested to meet for more then just coffee.
I would honestly say that except for one coffee date, where were the conversation was just like pulling teeth, all my meetings have not been a bad experience at all.
]]>By: moonsicalhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16399
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:54:25 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16399Evan, why do you think? Because that is the most creative “pre-date” our date could think of (so original)(and shows they’ve taken the time to know us and create something that fits the person.) It’s a long wait waiting for a man to, “get it,” and think of a new idea. So, while we are not rushing, we are not waiting around, either. It’s either coffee or drinks. That is the extent of it. Most men want to see you in person to make sure you’re “worth” putting, uh, say, fifteen minutes of extra thought into it. Do I sound jaded or what? Snort.

Ciao,

moon

]]>By: Mayahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16397
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:39:37 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16397Most of my coffee dates in fact have not sucked. I can only think of one that I’d label as bad, but that is because the guy had nothing to say to me. But I have a feeling he would have been the same if it were dinner and drinks. And coffee dates don’t have to just be coffee at Starbucks. I’ve had dates extend to walks, lunch, dinner, and a movie.

So I guess I’m a fan, but I like hanging out in cafes in general anyway. So even if it’s just coffee and conversation, it’s good to me.

]]>By: Stevehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16396
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:39:09 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16396A coffee date is one of the best ways to go for both parties. It lets you get out of the date if things aren’t going well and if they are then you can go somewhere else to continue the date if both agree.
]]>By: outsidethebellcurvehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16393
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 19:17:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16393I actually make it a point not to go out on coffee dates. They’re great if you’re meeting someone in person at a bar or at Barnes & Noble, but coffee dates are waayyyy too popular when you meet someone online. I’d figure a girl has probably been on 15 coffee dates in the last two months before she goes to Starbucks with me.

I make it a point to change up plans either beforehand, or even at the last minute…. activity dates (poetry club, salsa lessons) or something like mini-golf ALWAYS work much better. You get to chat, get comfortable with each other, and avoid the boring Starbucks atmosphere.

]]>By: Amyhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16391
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:31:19 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16391The problem, imho, is that while I am reading your advice… the guy who is writing me most likely is not. Ultimately it feels a little weird to keep leading things all the time – even if you are being cute about it.

So, the few coffee dates I’ve been on were because I had already turned things around and asked to chat longer than they were used to or (fill in the blank with some other thing I thought was more important to make issue of). At the time it seemed like I’d look pushy / unable compromise if I made a fuss about it so it was easier to just go with the coffee idea. But right, I definitely don’t PREFER coffee dates.

Though to be fair, at least one of the dates ended up being really fun… and both led to a second date… for what that’s worth.

]]>By: dadshousehttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16389
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 16:36:57 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16389Funny question. I hate coffee dates, so I just go to coffee houses by myself. Usually, I’ll bring a good book. But I’m totally open to meeting single women that are there. Just strike up a conversation.

Only problem – so many people bring their laptops to coffee houses and work! They are just staring at the screen. You can’t talk to them. And they take up an entire table by themselves. It sucks.

Just as bad – I’ll go to a coffee house, see an attractive woman out front, try to catch her eye, but she’ll check her watch. Yep, she’s waiting for her pre-arranged coffee date to arrive.

To all the women out there – do yourself and us guys a favor, and go hang out in a coffee house with a book that you’re not really reading, or just go and drink coffee, and flirt like crazy. It’s not that hard. And it’s way more fun than browsing profiles online.

I’m not trying to get as many coffee dates as possible. The goal isn’t to have a lot of first dates. The goal is to get beyond the first date and develop a relationship with the right person.

Furthermore, I can’t recall a single coffee date that I had that “sucked”. I’ve enjoyed the company and the conversation, even if the dates didn’t go anywhere further.

]]>By: Cillahttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16381
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:41:16 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16381Who’s rushing to all these coffee dates? I’ve been on one in my entire Internet dating history, and it was so intolerable I couldn’t wait for it to end. It just didn’t feel like a DATE–it felt like a job interview with more uncomfortable personal questions.

Nope, if possible, I like my early dates to involve a little liquor and some nice food (takes the edge off and gives you a distraction if the conversation lags). And save movies, amusement parks, tennis, football games, etc. for later–you can’t really get to know anyone in those types of venues. It’s possible, of course, to have a good date that advances the relationship without drinks and dinner, just more difficult in my mind.

As far as the timing of the date goes, I’m a fan of finding a balance between meeting right away (you’ll know if there’s physical chemistry and no one’s time is wasted) with emailing and chatting on the phone for a week or two (you’ll have more to talk about when you actually do meet, and it weeds out the crazies who initially look good on paper).

]]>By: Aprilhttp://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/uncategorized/why-do-we-rush-to-go-on-as-many-coffee-dates-as-possible-when-coffee-dates-almost-always-suck/#comment-16380
Mon, 27 Oct 2008 15:20:43 +0000http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/?p=360#comment-16380No idea. Maybe that’s why I eventually got so bored with online dating: the dates themselves were dull, and left me with little enthusiasm for seeing the other person again. Too many first dates, nowhere near enough fun.
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