Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Dichotomy of School

I get asked often how school is going and, to be perfectly frank, it's a pretty distinct dichotomy. I go between it being amazing and being defeating.

I LOVE that I'm doing what I need to become a teacher...something I've wanted to do for years. I get shots of joy and happiness even from just realizing that fact. The second placement is coming up in March and I'm really excited about that! I've met a handful of people who I know are "my people" and who I know I will keep in touch with after this whole thing is done. A few of the courses are really enjoyable, and I get a lot out of them - be it resources, or ideas for teaching methods/techniques, or even some "ah-hah" and navel-gazing moments about my own thoughts or opinions of things. Some of the classes aren't that great, but I'm still able to get tidbits here and there that I know I'll put to good use.

On the extreme other hand, I find this school is like a cesspool of negativity. It's like walking into a pit of anger/fear/uncertainty/insecurity all balled into one. I can practically feel the toxicity seep into me slowly as I walk through the door and hallways. There is so much talk about job potential worries, the amount of work (which is really not that much), what's to hate, what's unfair, who's too busy and who's too tired. It can be hard to hear (or be involved) with the same negative conversations day after day and NOT let it rub off or affect me in some way.