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TTC again for nearly 2 years - wanting to keep an emotional balance

Hi everyone,

I am new here and this is my first post. My husband and I have a four-year-old boy and we have been trying for a second child for nearly two years with no luck. I was struggling with this a lot last year as I expected to fall pregnant within a few months (I also had two friends who started trying for seconds just after us -- one has now given birth and one is about to). Last year I was doing ovulation tests which I found even more stressful as I expected to be pregnant each month, having known we'd had sex at exactly the right time of the month. So I stopped using them because I found they made the pressure very intense.

Since then I've felt more stable about it all, but lately I'm starting to waver again. Some months I'm philosophical about it all and when my period arrives I think "never mind, it'll happen when it's meant to", but other months I feel VERY low when my period comes -- I can't look at pregnant women in the shops, etc. I don't want to get obsessive about it but I can see myself starting to slip down that slope. So my question is, what coping strategies does anyone use to try and stay on an emotional even keel?

I almost feel like I want to forget that we're trying. People who know we're trying keep saying "you just need to stop thinking about it" and I get so frustrated with them because I try SO hard not to think about it all the time but within the week or so when you know your period is due, then when it's sometimes a day or two late, and when it does arrive, you can't block out all those thoughts that run through your head.

On a medical side, I've had a blood test that indicates my hormone levels for ovulation are all as they should be. I am now waiting to go in for a scan in a couple of weeks to check for fibroids, and my husband is waiting for a letter that will give him an appointment for his sperm test.

You'll find loads of people on here who are going through the same sort of thing as you. It is hard when everyone around you seems to be getting pregnant and you aren't, it's OK to feel a little down about that. The good thing for you is that you are able to conceive as you've done it before, and if you're ovulating then that's great too. Try to be patient and wait for the results from your DH, and tale advice on what to do next.

Have a mooch about the site, there's loads of threads that I'm sure you'll find helpfull. I recommend joining and becoming a member by making a small donation you'll be able to read through the diary section and create one of your own too.

I just wanted to say I totally understand the feelings your talking about. I was/ am the same going from days thinking 'we are so lucky to have dd etc' and we have a great life to days where I cant get positive at all. I know so many people who had the first after ours and are onto number 2 or 3 and people constantly tell us we need to start on number 2! But anyway I think the key is to keep the investigations moving anf then it feels like your doing something.

Hi Hun welcome to FZ, sorry your struggling with 2nd time round hopefully the tests your having will shed some light on what going on. Coping mechanisms ummm well like you I have days where I'm so positive about it all then all of a sudden everything comes crashing down around you and you feel like it will never happen. I would say speaking to someone impartial to your situation about it fertility counsellor maybe, as hard as I know it is try to keep your PMA up as much as pos.
It is soooo frustrating when people say 'try not to think about it' and ' when you stop trying it happens it did with a friend of mine' if it was that easy to switch off we wouldn't need sites like this for surport lol.
Feel free to vent to us on here so many lovely ladies and great advise, good luck Hun with everything and here a little PMA dance to get you started lol xxxx