Monday, August 2, 2010

"Mwuaah haa haa! You'll never stop me! I may have lost six legs in the last battle, but I'll never lose the power to DESTROY YOU!!"

"Stop right there, partner!"

"Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown."

Little did the Sheriff know, he was about to meet Doc Oct's gang of corrupt cephalopod cohorts straight from Squid Roe:

Mr. Blue...

"Dress sharp, kill clean."

The Twins...

{in unison} "We're adorable and ready to ink."

And Crazy Lou!

"WwwhhaaaLLAA OOOAaAaaHHhhH!"

Gulp.

""Don't worry, Sheriff. I, Professor Knowsitall, am writing up a sneaky plan to destroy the Evil Octopodes once and for all! First, we'll lead them down to the beach using cunning tactics."

"Then, we'll all stop shaving our armpits...

"Ya know, to appear more intimidating."

"Lastly, we'll disguise ourselves as footballs and hurl each other at them in an all-out ambush!"

"Now that's a pinch-hitter!"(Oh, that's baseball? Whatever. No need to be crabby!)

Stay tuned for our next episode where Crabtown gets hit with a tidal wave! Will the Sheriff make it out alive? What happened to little Jake? And who took all the suntan lotion?Rolling credits: Jessica, Mauri T., Laura F., Carrie S., Kristy S., Jessica H., Carolann, Gabrielle W., Naomi, Beth W., Amanda, and Megan C.

Note from Jen: I have to add that the second to last crab reminds me of my favorite poem: "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning." That is all.

Some of those were kind of cute in a non-professional cake kind of way. :) Also, I laughed at how the ocean airbrushing for the Twins' background was done AFTER the octupi/octopus/octopuses (?) were put on the cake, so they have weird colored tentacles.

Who'd a thunk Professor Knowsitall could come up with any plan of attack, he being yellow and all. I expected as much from Captain Gulp above him, but followers should note that Professor Knowsitall in just yellow on the inside and will most likely fall back should any confrontation arise.

As a student of Latin and Greek, I cannot express how excited I was when I saw that you used 'octopodes' as the plural of 'octopus'. I could rant on and on about how much I hate it when people say 'octopi' because it is a contrived attempt to force a Latin plural on a Greek word, but I won't. Except I just did. Oops.

The Ballad Of The Sheriff Of Crabtown. Oh, my, does this story ROCK!!!

If I didn't know better, I would swear that you commissioned the cakes that gave you the perfect facial expressions after Crazy Lou arrives. Regardless, "Nobody messes with the Sheriff of Crabtown." needs to be added to the list o' [in]famous sayings from Cakewrecks lore. Brava! Author! [genuflecting in the general direction of Jen & Co. -- "We are not worthy!"]

Sheer Genius on the commentary. Absolute genius. And with all of the scary ocean stories in the news here in Southern California it is all the more poignant (we have sharks swimming up to the sand, black jellyfish and stingrays on a rampage)

Crazy Lou is definitely FTW. One question... does he have a giant hole in his head? It would explain that priceless expression, although I prefer to think he is just a real party guy and a bit of a lush.

Ah! Cephalopods. As a researcher once said in a video I watched in high school, "I'm very passionate about cephalopods." Only my friend and I caught that for the hilarity it was and we had to stifle our giggles. We still quote it to this day.

No, I'm done, I just can't even handle it. I am STILL laughing. It's been like eight minutes. I've never even heard myself laughing like this. Am I breathing? I don't think I'm breathing. My German Shepherd is barking at me like I'm dying. I might be dying. I think I'm dying.

To Jen: Hopefully no one suffered internal hemorrhaging due to the last cake. Ohhh freddled gruntbuggly.....no wait, that's only the third worst.So does that mean that cake is the second worst in the universe?

Oh my gosh! Now I feel like a COMPLETE loser! While on vacation at the beach last summer my kids and I picked up one of those crab cakes (much like #1) bc we thought it was ADORABLE!!! Lol! We loved it! :)

The only problem with this site is that my co-workers don't get it. They have no clue why I sit at my desk laughing like an idiot at a bunch of cakes. It's ok though- I get it and I know a lot of other people do too! :DCrazy Lou FTW BTW! :P

My husband is off on a deployment and I'm having a hard time adjusting to the quiet here at home... but I read your posts every day. Today especially had me tearing up I was laughing so hard. Thanks for breaking up the monotony for me and bringing a smile to a Navy Wife's face when I needed it most! :0)

Is it at all possible we could talk you into doing some extra research and finding a whole post's-worth of Hitchhiker's Guide cakery?? That would be sheer genius - just like Douglas Adams. If you've already done this, I guess I deserve to have some Vogon poetry read to me...

Bwahahaha ROTFL! :D This is one of the best cakewrecks posts ever, and the other posts are hard to beat! I LOVE IT! Gah, the *suspense!* :) What will happen next? Maybe bakeries will stop making mutant crab cakes (crab?! really? what celebration calls for that? "Hey, sweetie, it being that time of the month and all, and you feeling so crustacean-like...well, I thought I'd buy you a ca-AHHGH!") cakes and turn their focus to fine-tuning their Picasso-like art skills!

*holding head* i just realized that I had been missing all these "fabulous" cakes! something with changing something, then Jen said the readers wouldn't change, and I believed her, so I didn't think anything of it, but it did, and I haven't read any cake wrecks since july 17th!!!

I like it. Some of the words I didnt understand, but some of the imagery was quite effective. Interesting decorative devices which seem to counterpoint the underlying metaphore of Humani-, oh, sorry, caketivity of the cakewrecker's soul.

So if the crabs lose, does that mean we have Crab Patties? More importantly, what documentories were they watching before making these cakes? Crabs are not the same shape as Kirby. They tend to be a lot flatter. Seriously, they look like Kirby with mutation. Fat, pink and with added lobster claws (with varying degrees of fail) and odd expressions.

I think I woke up my husband when I saw Crazy Lou because I was laughing so much. Oh my cow this was the funniest thing I've read in a while, and I needed the laughs. The cakes fit the commentary so impeccably.

"Oh fruddled grunt-buggly,Thy micturations are to meAs lurgid grattlebottoms in a turgid bee.Groop! I emplore thee my footling turlingdromeAnd hooptiously drangle me in the gobberwords with my blurdletruncheonSee if I don't."Apologies if I have any of it wrong. That was from memory.And I wonder why I'm failing my degree.

Speaking of degrees I am immensely glad to see so many glorious cephalopod puns in there! I warn you now, I will be stealing those for some of my presentations!

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A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

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