March 26, 2012

Since we are essentially living out of suitcases, I forget to take time to document this time of our life. But when I think of having to explain to Shields why we have no photos of him as an infant, it motivates me to take three minutes here and there to capture how he is growing and changing (and resembling baby Levi). Last week I dug out our good camera, forced Levi to sit still, and captured some precious photos of the boys. I love how enthusiastic Levi is about Shields and that Shields reciprocates in his own three-month-old way.

There have been several moments over the past month that I wanted to document on the blog. In early March, we had the joy of witnessing the baptism of our nephew Avery. Two weeks later, my younger brother Nathan turned 21. Both of these events were very fun celebrations, but we would not have been able to participate in either if we still lived in St. Louis. While the uncertainty of our situation seems like the only constant right now, it is a sweet joy to share in these special family moments. They make the waiting less painful.

March 11, 2012

Note: I started this blog post last week and feel that while the timeline is no longer as pertinent, the reflections are still important. The reason this post has taken so long to finish is because sleeping has taken precedence over blogging.

I have started observing Lenten fasts because of mornings like yesterday morning.

Levi was very energetic and unwilling to listen to his mother. Shields did not nap well and needed to be strapped into the Baby Bjorn to keep him still enough to let sleep find him. We were stuck indoors,, and I struggled to find things for Levi to do that didn't get in everyone's way or require constant correction. Lunch was aggravating, and I don't even remember why. I just remember feeling like Levi was always a hair away from disobeying, but not quite there. Keeping him in line made me feel like a nag. Naptime was also a battle, and by the time Levi was asleep, I was spent. It was at that exact moment that Shields woke up screaming.

When naptime arrived, I wanted nothing more than to eat the first sweet thing I could get into my hands. Cookies sounded good. Plain old chocolate chips sounded even better. Ice cream would have worked, too. Or a combination of all three.

Three weeks ago I would have happily obliged these cravings. The stress of a move, a new baby, and a two year old had gotten the better of me, and I had begun to let myself think that I deserved sweets, that I had earned them for enduring difficult situations. I figured the nursing would cancel out any amount of extra calories, and it was just a little treat that wouldn't become a habit.

Well, all of those excuses are either untrue or irrelevant. What was really happening was I was looking to sugar and sweets as a delicious, but unhealthy, crutch to cope with life. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a delicious baked good or savoring some melt-in-your-mouth chocolate, those things will not ultimately make anything better. Life is undoubtedly stressful right now. I am homeless and very tired. With all that we lack at this moment, depriving myself of sweets does not make sense on one level. And yet, saying 'no' to the allure of sugar helps me remember what is important and why. The tiredness, the homelessness, the uncertainty of our life situation - those are all temporary.

My strength and comfort come not from the foods I eat. My desire is to serve the Creator, not the created. And so I will choose to say abstain from sugary foods as a temporary fix. It gives me a measure of control in this crazy time of life. And reminds me who is ultimately in control.

March 8, 2012

Really, I have several blog posts drafted and waiting to be finished. Really, I do. It's just that without my own space, it has been hard for me to sit down and think and write. I need to do those things; I just don't. So, this is my "I'm still here" post until I get those other ones up. It should be soon. But no promises. The nomad's life has few guarantees...

About Me

I am a storyteller. I tell others' stories as a freelance writer, but this blog is the place for me to tell my story. Make that my family's story. It's usually a little untidy, and it probably has teeny finger print smudges on it, but that's ok. These are reflections on the big and small events that ultimately shape who I am. I live in Pennsylvania with my wonderful husband, our faithful dog, and two kiddos.