Dear Reader, Like most fugitives who have vowed to investigate the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, I have always found a book to be invaluable in my research. The book you hold in your hands can be thrown into the mouth of a charging rhinoceros, Dear Reader,

Like most fugitives who have vowed to investigate the lives of the Baudelaire orphans, I have always found a book to be invaluable in my research. The book you hold in your hands can be thrown into the mouth of a charging rhinoceros, placed underneath the leg of a wobbly table, or used to write down any number of valuable observations, such as the following:

 My sister is driving me stark raving mad.  That waiter appears to be an associate of a notorious villain. and/or  My pen is running out of i

Almost every page in this book includes shocking illustrations and unsettling quotations from A Series of Unfortunate Events. In their company, even the most harmless notations will become notorious, a word which here means commonly and sadly perceived to be of shadowy and somewhat sinister importance, such as my own work on the Baudelaire case, from which you should distance yourself immediately and permanently.