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Monday, May 24, 2010

Monday, May 24, 2010

You know how sometimes you see a baby cake that's not too horrendously awful, and your first reaction is something like,"Aw, just lookit that face! Who's a cute widdle boopsie woopsie baby? Is it you? Yes, it's you!!"

(Actually, sorry, that's John talking to our cats. My bad.)

Anyway, my point is that while some of these baby cakes might be just the teensiest bit cute, you have to remember one very important thing:

It's all fun and games 'til you cut the cake.

Yes, I have an example. Brace yourself.

Here we have the standard old man baby cake:

I say we call him Benjamin. ('Cuz he's cute as a Button!)

[Quick side note: in case you're wondering, as I did, why he's on a food court tray: it turns out that's a new type of cake board popping up in bakeries. Weird, I know. Ok, sorry to interrupt. Let's move on.]

I would insert some side-splitting commentary here about how stabbing someone in the back always gets you the cold shoulder in the end - but as you can see, there's no need. He's already "waist"ing away!

Oh, Oh! Wait! I have one more:

Hey, Benji! You just got served!

Bwahahahahahaahaa!

Ah, I crack myself up sometimes.

Anyway, we still haven't gotten to the worst part yet. The worst part actually, literally, in real reality, honestly gave John nightmares. Seriously. So now he won't let me post it here. Instead, I'm going to link to it. But please, all joking aside, choose your clicks wisely. I'm here to make you laugh, not give you nightmares - and this thing puts the "ick" in "squicky."

Ok, enough warnings (since I'm sure they're having the opposite affect anyway): Click here to see the final photo.

Thanks to Kimberley K., who will never again say to a child, "I could just eat you up!"

Note from John: I initially made that last picture a separate post and linked to it, not realizing it would show up in Google readers before the actual post. Oops. Sorry to those of you who clicked on it with no warning! Oh and if the new link doesn't work, you may have to refresh the page.

That last photo came up first in my reader feed. Yeah, definitely nightmare fodder, with no warning. I wondered how people dealt with the actual cutting of the scary baby cakes. Don't think I could do it myself.

Why, why, WHY did I let myself click on the link?? My eyes! They burn! My stomach! It heaves! The HORROR! It's like the Bride of Chucky had an affair with a Cabbage Patch Kid and got herself knocked up. With THAT being their offspring. That's the most disturbing thing I've seen in ages. That poor mother. I hope she recovered from her shower before she had her baby.

Yeah- I got the last photo first, and I thought it was supposed to be one of those 6-foot-long party sandwiches, made of cake. I thought it looked gross, but no biggie. THEN, when I found out what it was today, I was really disgusted! (shudder...)

I had kind of decided not to click on the link. Then I read the comments and decided I absolutely will not, ever, never, click the link. If it is that disgusting, it obviously should be banned by law, and the baker should be committed to the State Home for the Criminally Ill-Advised.

This just reinforces my belief that Cakes should not, under any circumstances or for any reason, look like animate living things. No cake babies, cake brides, cake dogs, cake cats, cake caterpillers, cake butts, armadillos, etc.

Cake should look, in my opinion, just like something I want to eat...like CAKE! I'm all about the killing, mutilation and happy, happy eating of CAKE.

Wow, I took your tale of John's woe for hyperbole, but... looking at that photo reminded me of that time I spent two days reading through random SCP's (scp-wiki.wikidot.com/ ; an entertaining and sometimes totally creeptastic wiki) and then had to sleep at my parents' because I had wigged myself out that badly.

Could this post be sent out to all bakeries with the skill to make a realistic-looking baby cake, as a public service advisory to NEVER, EVER, make a cake of a person that will then be sliced up and served?

The thoroughly inept bakeries, of course, are entirely welcome because we can happily laugh and then mock them without getting queasy first :)

PS and since nobody's mentioned it... baby that young sleeping face down, not a good idea. "Back to sleep" prevents SIDS. Another public health message for the day :)

I actually came across this cake photo when I was researching ideas for my sister's baby shower cake. It creeped me waaaaay out BEFORE I saw it hacked to pieces!!! I joked to my friends: What kind of people would willingly want to HACK into that? And who gets the hiney? Blech. Seriously, seriously wrong.

Oh, fer cryin' out loud. It's a cake.!!!Freaking UGLY...but still a CAKE.It doesn't look remotely real.Or remotely edible, for that matter.So I wasn't scared of/by it.(Because it's so FREAKING UGLY!!!)The weirdest thing (I think) is the way it looks in the cut-up photo: look real closely at the mouth...Go on! Can you see it?? It has taken on a grimace--as if the *baby* had started to pucker up to cry! Wow, HUH?? I think that is amazing.

That link came up first in Google reader...yikes! Literally made my six-year-old look at the screen in open-mouthed horror. (Of course, kids always walk past the computer at the most inconvenient times. "It's not a real baby, honey!")What a horrible idea for a cake...ick!!

Oh dear lord, WHY WHY WHY would you take a photo of the cutting of the head??? Really? As if the mere fact that you are cutting into a rather realistic baby cake weren't bad enough, you HAD to take photos of the face being butchered? REALLY?! Sick people! I swear, if anyone shows up at MY baby shower w/a baby cake, I disown them!

My 8 year old and I have wonderful bonding time over this blog... we were not pleased with the people who decided this cake wasa good idea. neither of us understand why making a realistic baby, cutting it or eating it is a good goal. For the love of Pete, make something else.

I should have heeded your warnings!! That's is just plain wrong! EEEWWWWWWW Never have I ordered a Baby Shower cake and been offered that. However, I will be on the look out. I love my friends and desire to keep them as friends for many years!! LOL

At least the rest of you were smart enough to not look at the link while your three year old was standing beside you. When he saw the first two pictures he said, "Look, a little daddy." Then when he saw the picture in the link, he said in a very sad voice, "Little daddy died." Seriously.

OK.. Number 1- cake should never be in the form of a baby! I don't care how cute you think it is. Think ahead people!!!! It might be cute at first, but what is cake for??? Yup... think ahead!!!Number 2- Why couldn't it just be a binky or a really big diaper? It wouldn't have been so gross.. even the diaper would have been better!!

OMG that's just sick! LOL And sadly, funny. My 8 yr old son and 10 yr old daughter are laughing hysterically. They want to eat the face. They're weird kids.....it's possible I dropped them as babies. ;-)

I would LOVE to have a realistic baby cake at my party. I would shriek with glee and wave the knife all around and make all sorts of slashing motions towards the cake and freak all the normal people out.

And that is what they would all deserve for serving cake at my party. The only cake I like is on this blog. *sigh* I hate cake.

It reminds me of how on Ace of Cakes Mary Alice said "I don't know why folks order cakes of their dogs...and then cut into them. Kinda sick!" (they usually make them with red velvet cake for the full effect!)

OK, I thought it was a pretty ugly cake right from the get-go, and I can't imagine why anyone would have wanted it in the first place. But one you start cutting it up, well...I'm torn between finding it incredibly disgusting, or finding it hysterically funny and laughing myself silly. Or maybe both.

After I showed my husband the full array of photos of the infanti-cake-cide, he said (with a straight face) "I hope they enjoyed their cake". I can't imagine serving something like that, not even on Halloween.

I showed this to my husband, and he's repeating, ew, ew, ew. I think it's hilarious, especially the cut-up head. The most disturbing thing to me is that the cake itself looks more like cream cheese with parsley rather than a baked good. Or maybe a sushi roll. OK, I admit to having a weird sense of humor.

I actually thought when you prefaced that picture with all the warnings.. how bad can it possible be? I enjoy horror movies, gore, etc. How can a cake actually be that disturbing so as to give my nightmares?

Anonymous said..."At least they cut the head in slices & not quarters."-----------------------------Oh, yes. THAT is precisely the distinction that *I* was about to make. (?)("I'm SO pleased to see that head sliced and not quartered," I would have said. "There's more to go around--smaller pieces, but more OF them. It's more JUST.")

=^g.g^=

(WV: "mennis"...The person who made that cake is a mennis to society.)

Why, oh, why did I click!? You know what this means don't you? All of us that are having nightmares because of your warning that just made us want to click are going to have to come over to your house to sleep tonight. Please, for the love of all that is holy, serve pie! Cake would just send us over the edge...

I've never posted in the comments before, but really.. WHO DOES THIS? Who cuts into the cute baby cake and EATS IT? After the first cut, how did everyone not run screaming from the room in horror? And who thought, even further, that chopping up the teeny baby face was a good idea, and then took a picture?!WTF indeed!

Anonymous said..."Old wives tale said that if a mother had a bad scare before delivery something would be wrong with the baby"~~~~~~~~~~~The way I heard that one was that the baby would be born with a *mark* in the shape of whatever it was that scared Mom.There was another OWT about the significance of cravings, but I can't remember how it went.Maybe it was "If you crave cake, you'll have a baby that looks like a cake that looks like a baby."

Oh my.. and I just HAD to click that link.. shivers and screams..why oh why must they make cakes like this??? There are no words to describe what I am feeling right now other than horrified and nauseated..must find another wreck to make my mind forget..

Actually closed the whole browser in my panic and desperation to get away from that image. Although it does make me wonder, which would be worse, slicing the face or leaving the disembodied head whole...

@ sarah:HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, that youtube video of this cake being cut is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much worse than the still images! I thought I could keep reminding myself that it's a cake, but i only got 2 seconds in before I closed the laptop. fast.

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