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The Men’s Roundtable: The Red Badge of Courage

Are you waving the flag this holiday weekend? Did you ride in on the tide? Is Aunt Flo visiting? Did you take out a brief policy with the Crimson Permanent Assurance?

Women’s bodies are amazing complex systems built to do things that men’s bodies probably couldn’t even begin to handle. Unfortunately, to keep this complex system running correctly there is a regular need for that system to purge unwanted materials and make everyone else in the world annoying idiots who can’t seem to understand any of your needs, shut up when you’re trying to do your job, or sell a pair of pants that fits right.

Hormones going crazy, body parts swelling, moods all over the place — I know you fellas think you got it bad trying to figure out your strategy for your next fantasy football draft, but trust me — this is far, far, worse.

But hey, it’s still date night — so lets get down to busines… WHAT DO YOU MEAN, NO!?

One of the things that never seems to make it into the romance novels or those episodes of Scandal that you’ve got on DVR is that unique moment that happens with real life couples when one partner is good to go for shark week and the other one.. isn’t.

Natures crabbiest miracle may be an unavoidable fact of life, but that doesn’t mean people still don’t have needs. Needs that needs to be met, knammsayin? Just because she’s riding the cotton pony doesn’t mean you get a free day off, no sir.

Or does it?

Roundtable,

I’m dating a guy who absolutely refuses to have sex with me when I’m on my period because in his words: ” The whole fuggin thing is disgusting.”

I am offended.

Is this a sentiment a shared by most men?

Signed, -Get in there.

Don’t go closing your browser or anything — because this is happening.

Hell, in all this time running the roundtable I’m a little surprised it took us this long to get here. But get here we did, and shyts about to get real. Because at some point in every man’s life he’s had to face this crossroad. Which way do you go? And even if you do choose a certain path — just how far down that road are you willing to go?

But maybe more importantly, what makes you draw that line? Is it a question of commitment (or lack thereof) — or is this simply one of those things where some people can handle it but others simply aren’t willing to even try? At what point does your tolerance level kick in?

We put this question to the OHN men’s roundtable and opened the floor to discussion. Guys from all over the country weighed in with their opinions, and some even offered advice from similar experiences.

Here are some of the highlights:

I have before and will again.

I’d set a puppy on fire before i do some shyt like that.

I have even taken a tampon out myself just to smash.

SAY WHAT!? Maaaan, I’d let a bum put a booger on my tongue before I went there. Fuck outta here with that, lol.

Unless you have more period than month, I’m good. I can wait. I’d probably only consider it if we were married. Yet, some of y’all probably have red mustaches (like milk mustaches, but…nvm *horks*) even now…nasty bastids.

Whoa. No red wings here. That’s where I draw the line.

Sometimes, you gotta do what you have to do. One time, I did this girl on her period and when we cut the lights on, it looked like a fucking horror movie murder scene. Even bloody hand prints on the wall. Real shit.

I’ve done it but only when it was almost over.

I have had a few girlfriends who wanted anal during their period — But full on knowingly? Nah.

Too many times my ex and I used to be REALLY enjoying sex and i’d be like DAMN baby you so wet and turn the lights on and be like FUCK!

Chick I was dating back in the day hit me with “just put a towel down”

…I went out for weed and never returned. Bunk that.

Yes, I’ve done it. It was nasty and messy — but during the “flow” she was horny as hell and moody, so it was the only way to shut her the hell up. Also earned my red-wings…(took several altoids and a few packs of poprocks and a few wine coolers before I did though) I threw in some finger action and poked that man in da boat and she damn near snapped my head off when them thunder thighs clamped down. Screamed so loud her mom called on the phone thinking she got hurt and needed help.

Ewwww, dude. Eww.

I’ve done it. Thought it was gross. I can’t say I’d NEVER do it again, but the request would have to come from a woman I was really digging, someone who had already gone above and beyond for me, and I’d have to be really horny..

I’ve done it and ill probably do it again. Some women get extremely horny during their period and Ill oblige. That’s some GF shit though, I’m not sexin a woman i barely know if she’s on her period. And I will never. ever. eat the pussy when she’s red down there. Never ever. But look, if your boyfriend is outside his comfort zone, don’t push him. Seriously, how would she like it if he tried to convince her to slide it up her butt when she didn’t want to..

I have done it only once on purpose in my EARLY 20s. I’ve also got caught off guard with that “You made it come down early daddy” bullshit line a couple times from some chicks.

But yeah I’m not about that Red Wing Life son I too would stab I heffa all in her face just for asking. You best be happy I will let your test your gag reflexes and work with this baby batter milkshake.

I’ve done it a couple times when you plan a trip with a chick for the weekend and it’s that time and you ain’t gunna see her again for a while. Had a couple chicks want to screw while they were PMSing really bad to “bring it down” so i gave them a quickie to help things out. If I’m in a relationship though i can hold off a week as long as she makes up for lost time when the bleeding stops. No need for unnecessary mess…and hell nawl with the red wings

One of my old coworkers told me about the time he picked up a chick, took her back to his place and started getting into it when she started flowing. Now he is a kinky dude, so instead of freaking out he starts smearing the blood all over his face and upper body like war paint and screaming. The chick thinks he’s freaking out but he tells her no — he likes it and they go on and do their thing.

To each his own, but Noooooot me, son. No way.

I’ve got my wings but I’ll only do it now for future wife.

To the lady who wrote the letter, you need to understand that most men consider period play above and beyond the call of duty, if not completely off the table. I mean If you like it, then express it and you might just get taken up on it. But, you don’t have the right to feel ENTITLED to it, unless you’re also going above and beyond. Just like if you’re not suckin’ no dick, you can’t be mad if he’s not eating you out. You want something extra, you might have to give a little extra. Let him get in that asshole, bust in your face, whatever his lil’ freaky wish is, and he might be more willing to indulge yours.

Not only no but HALE nawl — I do NOT sleep in a coffin filled with my native soil, I am NOT so UV-deprived that I get burnt by the baffroom light, and aint a DAM thing about blood (*hork*) that makes me wanna do anything but Run. The. Entire. Fugg. Away.

PERIOD.

In my experience it has mostly been the women who didn’t want to go there. Its not a problem for me within certain limits — but it made many of my lovers self-conscious. But then I met this amazing girl who told me there was nothing in the world better at getting rid of cramps. When it was that time, she’d call me up and want to get down. Spoiled me rotten.

It’s good for curing headaches too 😉

If she’s down I’m down. But I’m not going down, not a red wings fan.

The only woman I would even think about touching on her period is my wife — and even then only on her last day. Don’t get me wrong, the pussy is wet as a muthafucka, but I can’t get down with it when it’s fully flooded.

And I definitely can’t do the red wings.

Yeah, I’m not going down on anyone during that time of the month. I don’t want to taste a mouthful of pennies.

NOTE: The Men’s Roundtable is intended to be a discussion of a topic, not a forum for personal attacks or backbiting. Please try to be respectful and open-minded in your comments. As such, this discussion will be monitored by the OHN editorial staff and shut down if things start to get out of hand. Comments that attempt to take this discussion to a overly personal or offensive realm will be subject to users being banned.

Hex is about as wrong as two left feet and there is nothing right about him. Every time we yell at Hex, his rebuttal is always that we are doing so simply because he is Black....yeah..think about that.