Dear Future Employer

In my stenography class today we were talking about adjusting behaviors that won’t get you hired– namely drug use, because if you want to work in a Federal capacity you have to start watching what you put into your body 3-10 years before applying. Social media and internet use also came up: don’t post pictures of yourself boozing, partying, or being otherwise crazy or unreliable in appearance. Don’t use bad language. Don’t talk about politics.

Hard stop. I didn’t sign up for anything that says I can’t have an opinion. That I can’t talk about that opinion. That I can’t be a vocal supporter for those being oppressed by the current regime. That I can’t speak up when I’m being oppressed. Hard. Fucking. Nope.

It’s not right to ask anyone in this day and age to be impartial, period. Impartial in their work? Oh, yes. Sure. But that’s not the same damn thing. Guess what? I’m going to be gay as fuck on my social media. I’m going to take a photo of wine with my girls. I’m going to call Trump out for the psychotic, racist, sexist, disgusting fucking bigot that he is. That’s my fucking business. That’s my fucking life. And I’m going to fucking well say “fuck,” too. You don’t get to take that away from me.

Here’s what you do get:
-You get to expect impartiality in my work.
-You get to expect professionalism while I am at work and representing work and discussing my workplace (unless you treat me like complete shit, in which case you’re the one missing the integrity, and I will bitch full volume about you to my friends and family — not the world).
-You get to expect me to give my all and deliver quality.
-You get to expect that I don’t discuss inflammatory or sensitive topics on the clock or while representing work.
-You get to expect that I don’t get into physical or verbal altercations with idiots I work with or around.
-You may expect that I don’t commit any crimes that may disqualify me from working where I work.
-You may expect me not to swear at work.

And there’s probably things I’m forgetting on that list, but you do not get to make me a robot. You do not get to make me pretend to be a robot. You do not get to change me. You may expect me to hold my tongue and blend in and work my ass off at work. The world is not your fucking playground. Employees came and went for years without you knowing their every social media post, and some were good, and some were bad, and that’s the way it’s always going to be whether you profile them or not. You hang on to your drug testing and your references and your background checks. That’s the way to do it. Stop being freaky fucking stalkers and allow people to do things you don’t agree with when it doesn’t concern you. We do not operate by the ethics of the 50s anymore, people. It’s time to acknowledge that employees can be fit for employment while simultaneously existing in three dimensions. Get used to it.