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Friday, September 9, 2011

For My Sweet Angel

Today marks the fifth anniversary of Rachel's death, and I still find it so hard to believe. Looking back over these last five years, it is hard to believe that I have made it this far. Yes, I still shed tears, I still remember details as if it were only yesterday, and yes, I miss her so much. Even though the intensity of my grief has and will continue to diminish, I still will feel that sense of loss, that emptiness in my life. I will see years pass by and continue to wonder 'what would Rachel being doing now.'

So much changes in our lives, there is so much we take for granted, and yet looking back, I am glad I had my time with Rachel, my special angel. In her life, cut short too soon, she taught so much. Last night I thought of how much I miss seeing her smile, the sound of her laughter, and her antics as she made everyone laugh. She was life, love and energy all rolled into one dynamic person. She had her difficulties, she made my life difficult at times as well, but yet through everything, there was always a beautiful person, just wanting to be loved and to share love.

We all have individuals in our lives who are truly dear to us. Some are right next to us, just a quick hello and a hug away. Others have moved away, but remain a phone call away. Others have gone 'home' and now reside in our hearts and souls, their very essence a part of who we are. Let none of us take anyone we love for granted, allow yourself to be present in their lives, allow them in. By letting them in, refusing to take them for granted, we allow love to surround us, so that when they are gone, love will surround us.

Rachel will always be a part of me, she will always be missed, and she will always be my little girl. And the joy and love she brought into my life will for ever sustain me.

On the day of Rachel's funeral we chose a song for the recessional at the end of her funeral Mass from Celine Dion. The words from her song sum up all I believed in those dark days, and continue to believe until today.

Touched by An Angel

by Celine Dion

I was waiting for so long
For a miracle to come
Everyone told me to be strong
Hold on and don't shed a tear
So through darkness and good times
I knew I'd make it through
And the world thought I had it all
But I was waiting for you
Hush now
I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love
Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has come
A new day has come
Where it was dark now there is light
Where there was pain, now there's joy
Where there was weakness, I found my strength
All in the eyes of a boy
Hush now
I see a light in the sky
Oh it's almost blinding me
I can't believe I've been touched by an angel
With love
Let the rain come down
And wash away my tears
Let it fill my soul
And drown my fears
Let it shatter the walls
For a new sun
A new day has come
A new day has come
Instrumental
Chorus

A story shared, is a story lived.

When we all share our stories, we share a part of our humanity. Throughout the ages, stories have been a means of passing on history, learning skills, and finding out who we are. The stories shared in this blog are those of hope and learning to live again after loss. The goal is to help those who may be dealing with grief and to give insight to those who may be attempting to help a family member, friend or even a co-worker who is going through a difficult time. I truly welcome your comments, your experiences and your insights. And always remember, you are not alone.

About Me

I am married, mother of 3 children and grandma to 2 grandsons.
Our oldest daughter, Rachel, died on September 9, 2006 at the age of 23. The picture you see is of a painting of Rachel created by Artist Anthony Ferao. I am a Grief Facilitator, receiving a Certificate of Thanatology from Bristol Community College, and have been leading bereavement support groups for over two years, and meeting with those suffering a loss, one-on-one.