How to deal with manxiety

A new study of over 15,000 Brits has found that men who suffer from severe anxiety - or, er, 'Manxiety' - are twice as likely to die from cancer than men who don't. This comes from men being more likely to self-medicate by avoiding the doctor, as well as drinking and smoking, with the latter boosting the likelihood of the C-word. Curiously, women in a similar position are at no increased risk. However, MH offers a solution: don't let the stress of modern manhood get to you. Our man explains how.

Basic life is hard enough. Why do we perpetually add to our load?

Gentlemen, we have a problem. It’s a first-world problem, admittedly, but it’s worse than fitful wifi, forgetting your cleaner’s name, or your iPhone falling out of your pocket and cracking your iPad. Being a man, it turns out, is hard.

“So what’s new?” you might ask. Well, everything. Because according to a new report by CALM, that’s precisely what we’re expected to be: everything. Along with being the breadwinner – standard- issue man stuff – we must be compassionate yet resilient, soft in the centre yet hard in charge of an emergency. We must be loyal friends, loving partners, manly guardians and ever-present fathers. Oh, and a six-pack is also vital. Throw your personal needs into the mix, factor in some time restraints and, voila, you have Modern Man: the pressure cooker with no steam valve.

Basic Life is hard enough, so why do we continually add to our load? I blame the limitless flowchart of choices the 4G world offers. Like being hungry in a restaurant, I can choose anything, so I order far too much. It’s an affliction particular to the species. Men want it all, whether we need it or not. Personally I want Philip Green’s spending power, but with Ryan Gosling’s body, Barack’s charisma and Kanye’s self-assurance. Is that really too much to ask of myself?

In a word, yes. The CALM report also learned that such a high level of expectation is driving a record 4,500 of us to suicide each year. And the truth that my catholic-guilt-ridden middle-class self doesn’t want to hear? That 81% of the pressure to be perennially awesome doesn’t come from pushy girlfriends, judgemental parents or even David Cameron – it is self-imposed.

I am great at forgetting my limits. I throw myself 100% into things, and doggedly pursue them to the detriment of every other aspect of my existence. If I don’t push myself, I get nowhere. And I refuse to downgrade my desires because a) I’m stubborn and b) I’m getting no younger. However, when failure is not an option, that dreaded media invention ‘manxiety’ opens its bloody maw. This is the modern masculinity crisis, and as yet there’s no panacea. I have, however, found a few ways to hack into my misplaced tenacity and locate that steam valve.

Those of you throwing weights around the room won’t like this – first on my list is yoga. You may suspect that after my first class my manhood withered beneath my track pants, but instead the ancient cure for stress relief left me with a core that had just been blasted harder than my kettlebells regime could. More importantly it gave me a feeling of being well within my own skin. I now do it at lunch and return to work clear-headed and refreshed. It works every time.

Second up, I go to therapy. Once a week, I tell someone who has no personal stake in what I say exactly what I’m thinking. Sometimes it’s just stuff from the day; sometimes, thoughts and theories that I just want another perspective on; sometimes, terrifying revelations that have surfaced after years of being buried, like radioactive material. Either way, it leaves me more mental bandwidth to deal with the challenges I’ve set myself. It’s more expensive than yoga but without it I would be less effective.

Third, I have a partner who tells me the truth. As little as I want her advice at the time, she’ll put me straight. It’s OK that I don’t have an eight-pack, a new Audi or a working watch. I’m a human being, not a robot, she insists. Apparently there is more to us than what we want and achieve. If you’re not Kanye, you’re less likely to remind yourself of your inherent worth. But please, take it from me: it’s important you temper the anxiety of modern life, however you find useful. Or you’ll never get out of it alive.

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