June 19, 2002

A Little Odd News Finally,

Finally, news of the odd produced something that can be considered comedy gold. First off. . .

Will 'Tooth Phone' Take Bite Out of Mobiles?

LONDON (Reuters) - British engineers say they have invented a revolutionary tooth implant that works like a mobile phone and would not be out of place in a James Bond spy movie.

The 'tooth phone', designed by James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau, consists of a tiny vibrator and a radio wave receiver implanted into a tooth during routine dental surgery.

As if cell phones aren't rude enough, now they're working on a way so normal face-to-face conversations can be interrupted by a ringing tooth. Of all the places I've ever wanted to jam a cell phone when someone starts talking on one in a restaurant, the tooth was the last place on my list. Now, an ass cell phone would be acceptable, because people trying to talk into their asses would look just about as ridiculous as walking down the street with a matchbook to the ear, or the "hands free" systems that make it look as if they're having conversations with thin air. Anyway. . .

Sound, which comes into the tooth as a digital radio signal, is transferred to the inner ear by bone resonance, meaning information can be received anywhere and at any time -- and nobody else can listen in.

The invention raises the prospects of financial traders receiving the latest stock market bulletins while at the cinema and politicians tuning in to secret briefings from advisers while being quizzed by opponents.

Now, I'm obviously not a phone fan. I view them as a necessity only for making appointments. I don't like walking around yapping with someone on a phone for hours. I like actual conversation with a human being directly in front of me, or, if the person happens to be a chatty attractive woman, directly on top of me. The thought of being medically altered to forever have a phone in my tooth is totally disturbing to me. No thanks. Elsewhere in the news. . .

Truancy Sweeps Reveal Scores of Bad Excuses

LONDON (Reuters) - Truancy sweeps around Britain last month revealed thousands of children missed school -- and turned up some ridiculous excuses, the Education Ministry said on Tuesday.

Amongst the excuses given for missing school were: "because of a spot on my nose," "not liking Mondays," "because it's my birthday" and "my hamster died and I need to buy a new one."

I wish I could avoid work because "I don't like Mondays." That would be so sweet. Beyond that, I really don't have much commentary since it pretty much mocks itself.

Posted by Ryan at June 19, 2002 03:17 PM

Comments

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists - two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

"We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her." The first man said. "You cant be serious. I could never shoot my wife!"The agent replies, "Then you?re not the right man for this job."

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I cant kill my wife." The agent replies, "You dont have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."

Finally, it was the womans turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didnt tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. So I had to beat him to death with the chair."