tomorrow i’ll be 33
weeks. yes, i know, it shocks me too. pregnancy, you are freaking me out with
how fast you are flying by. please, slow down, let me catch up.

on second thought, don’t. i
am so stinking ready to meet my little bff (for life) bambina pal sweetie-heart.
oh my goodness, have you ever seen this video? i just thought of it for some
reason. it sums up everything i want to say to her right now. maybe one day she’ll
be precious like this little girl and sing it to me too…?

yes i am still here, and i have some coherent thoughts, i think.
lately, my mind is just a string of bizarre
thoughts and forgetful moments. did this happen to anyone else in third
trimester? anyone? my boss told me the other day that when she was pregnant she
once declared to her husband that she was, “so hungry i just want to eat a
notebook!” she meant to say pasta. notebook
came out. how do things like that happen? i felt so much better after her
confession. pregnancy brain is a real
thing people!! for instance, yesterday morning i was so tired that i went
downstairs, bought a coffee, brought it back up to my office and immediately
forgot i had it. until i was still SO tired an hour later, thought to myself, "i could really use some coffee," and then caught a glimpse of the cup. still full, and cold. boo. (i still drank it though because...caffeine!!).

at 33 weeks i am so aware of her presence every minute of
the day. and i love it. she never sits still, for one. she is constantly
moving, kicking, flipping, and generally having a grand old time in there. or
so it seems. i talk to her a lot throughout the day because it almost seems rude not to. every day i wonder what she’ll look like, what she’ll be like, and
what it will feel like to suddenly be a family of three. i go lay in her
nursery and just stare at everything and pray and pray and pray for her until i
start to get little tears in my eyes thinking about how much i already feel in
love with her. i am at that point where i’ve stopped questioning or apologizing for any emotions,
and i just run with them, assuming they must be normal. that is what much of the past 33 weeks has consisted of: trusting that my body was made to do this, not being consumed by fear, and allowing myself to ride the ride that is pregnancy without worrying too much about whether i'm doing it right or wrong or feeling crazy things.

you are only pregnant for the first time once, you know?

i feel like God is preparing my heart for motherhood in all of this, and it's kind of a miraculous thing.