Who the Hell thought of Oreo thins?

You know what makes me sick? You know what makes me so mad I just wanna tap-dance through a Bosnian mine-field?

I found out something the other day – liked to scar me for life. See – I was on my Facebook page… and I posted this picture of a package of Oreo thins. Have you seen Oreo thins? These are thin Oreo cookies… with half of the white, creamy inside stuff as your regular Oreo.

Now it is my highly-regarded, regular American opinion – whatever empty-headed, fool-hearty genius come up with this should be fired… put in prison… or summarily executed without due process. Oreo Thins are exactly what’s wrong with America today. In fact – whenever 87% of Americans surveyed say this country is going in the wrong direction… they are probably thinking about – Oreo Thins!!

But here is the curious part. On the Facebook there… nobody was upset about Oreo Thins being thin. They were all upset… Oreos are now made in Mexico. Did you know – they moved the Oreo plant to Mexico? Everybody’s on the Facebook there… saying they’re boycotting Oreos. They’ll never eat another Oreo. Oreos abandoned America. That is just sad. Although – that is probably good news for Chips A’Hoy.

Ok – number one – I did not know Oreos were made in Mexico. Because I swear – they do not taste Mexican to me. Not even in the least bit.

Number two – this is what I think Donald Trump is talking about. One day you find yourself eating Oreos made in Mexico. The next thing you know – they’re building our cars down there. It could happen. It’s what they call the slippery slope. I do find it mystifying that all your Mexicans are sneaking up here to find work… and we’re sending the Oreo jobs down there. This is why I do not talk a lot about the global economy – because I do not understand it.

Wake up, America. Mark my words – inside a’ two years… they replace the dark Oreo cookie with tortilla shells. Then the white creamy inside is replaced with guacamole. Then they change the name from Oreos… to Olay-eo’s. And America is one step closer to over. I’m Earl Pitts, American. Pitts Off.