I realize that's a lot of stuff, but I'm just doing my best to please everybody.

Still, as hard as I try, I always manage to forget something. For example, you'd think that between the Tour of France crap and the egret and the kid in the ALF t-shirt I'd have satisfied every demographic. However, someone's always left wanting more--like the commenter who wanted to see Cadel Evans throwing his backwash onto Mark Cavendish:

Anonymous said...

Where is Cadel 'accidentally' throwing water at Cav?!

July 12, 2011 12:38 AM

Well, here it is:

Note the surreptitious manner in which Evans throws the water at the Vittel guy:

And them immediately supplicates himself before an angry Mark Cavendish when he's caught in the act, like a submissive dog exposing his belly:

It's clear who's the alpha male in the peloton, and I think mischievous heel-nipper Cadel Evans might benefit from a week with Cesar Millan:

Sorry I missed filming your team! We were all over the place and unfortunately missed a lot of racers...

July 11, 2011 1:32 PM

Right. WHAT-everrr. You can make it sound like a coincidence, but I know it's all about looks. I bet we would have been all over that video if we had sweet integrated aero-beard face fairings like this guy did:

I guess he couldn't afford the Rapha neck gaiter and so he just grew one instead.

Also, in other cycling apparel-related news, a reader tells me that Conan O'Brien and actor Mark-Paul Gosselaar recently had a chat about Lycra and leg-shaving:

I've actually been reading this book for weeks now but I'm still only on page 125. If I ever do manage to finish it I'll let you know what I think, but I may have to take some kind of literacy-enhancing drug to get there.

Anyway, as far as I know Conan O'Brien doesn't have any race results, but he does ride a Serotta and looks like an elongated Alexandre Vinokourov:

In it, the reporter says of a bike lane that would pass the Israeli Consulate:

"Imagine if the man on the bike was a terrorist!"

Right. Remember those bicycles that bombed the World Trade Center in 1993, and then destroyed it in 2001? Neither do I. That comment has to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard anyone say about cycling or terrorism--on TV or off--and I would have given anything to see her get hit by that cab when she stepped out into the middle of the street at 1:06:

Not enough to injure her seriously, mind you, but just enough to keep her off the air. Actually, maybe that already happened, because a severe head injury is the only thing that could possibly explain her idiotic reporting.

I was proud of my aggressive new setup, and I even boasted about it by means of the Tweeter, though commenter "ce" totally humbled me yesterday:

ce said...

Snob, slam your kid seat properly by ditching the deck and the various bracket bits. Attach the seat directly to the V-Racks with SuperHooks. Then cut the LawyerLegs off the seat to clean up the lines of your cargo area.

The bit about the LawyerLegs really stung, and as a child-portaging "noob" I had no idea I was doing the smugness equivalent of "palping" a pie plate.

Keep the "LawyerLegs" on the childseat, unless you are sure about thespoke protection otherwise. You can't see your kid's feet, and he doesn't know about thespoke hazard. (My brother, at age 3, got his heel stuck into the spokeswhile in a child seat. He recovered to play soccer, but it was ugly for a few weeks.) Be safe, dorkiness rules!

Cadel was merely showing his dissatisfaction with the quality of French tap water.By throwing it on the Vittel guy, he hoped some marketing bigwig would notice and offer him a lifetime supply. No biggie: somewhere around the Fifth Circle of Hell there's a water fountain that caters solely to sore losers.

Snob, please excuse my ignorance, but what is the purpose of 'slamming' the kiddie seat forward. Certainly not the comfort and enjoyment of the passenger. I could see a possible center of gravity/physics benefit to the driver allowing you to corner faster, so maybe that is it ? You need faster cornering speed/control ?

I've been thinking about this since yesterday, snob. Just before aero-beard-man there's a shot of one of the Rapha riders smiling. I mean, it's not an ear-to-ear bared-teeth primate dominance smile, but the fellow does look to be having a good time.

So maybe the mismatched kit was more of a problem than the smiling. The rest of the groups on there looked pretty uniform, even the tandem group.

I have to disagree, i think marcia kramer makes a good point. we all know that bikes are a terrorists vehicle of choice. for instance, when's the last time you heard of a terrorist using a car as a explosive portaging and delivery device.

Maybe you remember, maybe you don't. After 2001 the Far From Complete Westside Greenway was closed from The Intrepid Sea and Air Museum to around 54th St, for the same reason. Terrorists on bicycles. We were redirected to the sidewalk on the east side of the Westside Hwy. Of course all the cars and trucks were flying American flags, so we knew they weren't terrorists.

Improved set-up on the child seat, Snobby. Just keep an eye back there. Soon, you'll turn around and your tike on the bike will have the seat bag open and a tire lever in his mouth. Hopefully he won't sniff the glue.

Clearly, Snob, you have inadvertently exposed your membership in a terrorist sleeper cell--you and your co-conspirators' insidious plan is not to use bikes directly as WMD but instead to have cabs run over the reporters as they fearlessly expose themselves in the attempt to alert an unsuspecting public. Well, I say if it rids the world of one more pseudo-journalist, so be it.

Someday I would like to race for the 5 Star Waste Vegetable Oil team. I guess in the meantime I will keep toiling for the Northwest Buffalo Skinners. Those homemade jerseys are hot this time of year though.

Yeah, that doesn't really look like an accidental water toss to me. Hence, Cadel Evans, in addition to being a big whiner, is a tosser.

Marcia Kramer must be hacking into my phone. I know I have told more than one person that I'd really love to mount a rocket launcher on my bike. To take out all the asshole motorists like the cow who passed me yesterday in the style of a French VIP media car during the TdF.

If you go to the channel 2 .com site and read the Marcia Kramer scary-terrorist-on-a-bicycle story you'll find some pretty funny comments that follow. The first one, and the best, is "There's no nice way to say this so I'll just ask straight out, are you and idiot?" The rest are pretty much in that vein. I like that those are following her around on her own page.Just another shill for the anti-bike lane crowd, but even she must realize how completely pathetic and unprofessional (loony even) that one was. Could have been on OnionTV and nobody would have questioned it.

"I've actually been reading this book for weeks now but I'm still only on page 125. If I ever do manage to finish it I'll let you know what I think, but I may have to take some kind of literacy-enhancing drug to get there."

I thought another Brit with a long memory would have piped up about this by now, but twenty-odd years ago, there was a ban on locking up bikes within a certain radius of Parliament and Whitehall because it was feared someone would pack the frame tubes with Semtex. Of course what the IRA did instead was infiltrate a road repair crew on Whitehall and lobbed mortars from there into the Prime Minister's garden.

Answer to Jasper, what I'm a little afraid of is that the anti-bike crowd will pick up on, (and I cringe at what I'm about to type), that the CIA was providing bike-bombs (and all sorts of other ordinance) to the mujahedeen in Afghanistan to oust the Russians. (Pipe bombs, strategically placed, remotely detonated, disguised as bikes.)If you see something, say something. "OFFICER, THERE'S A MILLION FUCKING POTENTIAL PIPE BOMBS LOCKED UP ALL OVER THE CITY!!!!"Snobby, please delete this, it's just too dangerous.

After watching the Cadel video I now believe that he is the best placed rider to win the tdf! His 'accidental' throw looks like he was tossing his dregs without a care for any passer-by ... a supremely self obsessed and selfish act. Now, to be an elite athlete you have to be an extremely selfish person (to log all those miles, catch all that sleep me me me etc etc) ... ergo the best rider is the most selfish! Go Cadel go!

Anon 12:58/S&S, I am sure there are a multitude of compelling reasons not to fully slam and custom chop a child seat. I strongly suggest that anyone with less expertise than say... a Mavic R-Sys engineer not modify safety equipment intended for portaging human children (I thought the seat in Snob's picture was for Vito). But if you, like so many, do have a need to portage a monkey and you want to dominate the ride to the wholefood shop so that you can don the coveted hemp jersey, you should consider custom monkey seat mods as this component is an oft overlooked element in bicycle performance.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!