Kardashigans

We take a look into the shockingly bleak life of Santa Claus, review 2015 and realize just how out of the loop we are and we experience a harrowing moment in the middle of the show when somebody remembers that they forgot to take their medication.

Contents

Cold Open

Is there anything not hilarious about buttholes? No.

Jury Is Santa

Christmas was this past week and Justin (Santa) is dead tired after delivering presents to all the good little boys and girls. He revealed how sick he is of doing the whole Santa routine. Also he's in SO MUCH debt. Dude, just help him out. Just one time. Just give him a little floater, man. He'll give you a shout out on Twitter, you'll get so many followers. His PayPal is BigRedMember@norfpole.biz he just needs $1,000,000,000. DUDE, he's been there for you. Just help him out. Brian, upon learning how far in debt Santa is, asked if he had considered suicide.

Brian Brought Home A Sick Puppy for Christmas

So remember last week when Brian bought a puppy? Well, after a couple days Brian and Bonnie noticed that the puppy was scratching at its next a lot. Bad news bro, looks like ringworm. Brian takes him to the vet to see if they're right. The puppy starts glowing all over when the vet shines a blacklight on him. It's definitely ringworm and humans can totally get it. AWESOME, because the Brushwood girls have been all over him for the previous few days.

Also the dog finally has a name: Kepler Rocket Brushwood.

Brian and Justin are Alcoholics

One thing they forgot to tell in their giant VR recap from last week. They were near the end of their shoot schedule and Brian, Justin and all the film/production crew went to a restaurant. They sit down at a table and the waiter asks for drink orders, Brian and Justin lead off with a beer each followed by waters for all of the rest of the crew.

Penny's Night Attack Debut

Patreon

Name That Search Term

Brian and Bonnie have proven that they are incredibly out of the loop when it comes to these lists. So Justin gave them the theme of the lists and Brian and Bonnie bid how many of the top 10 searches they think they would recognize.

First list: Actresses - Bonnie is guessing

Ellie Kemper - Doesn't know her

Natasha Leggero - Doesn't know her

Taraji P. Henson - Doesn't know her

Lilly James - Doesn't know her

Allison Stoner - Doesn't know her

Bryce Dallas Howard - Ron Howard's daughter

Rumer Willis - Doesn't know her

Patricia Arquette - Doesn't know her

Amy Schumer - She's a comedian and she was naked with the coffee and she's awesome

Ruby Rose - Doesn't know her

Second list: Celebrity Pregnancies - Brian is guessing

Maci Bookout - Doesn't know her

Coco Austin - Doesn't know her

Ginger Zee - Doesn't know her

Zooey Deschanel - Doesn't know her

Teyana Taylor - Doesn't know her

Tiffani Thiessen - She was on 90210

Jessa Duggar - Josh Duggar's wife/daughter?

Bristol Palin - Sarah Palin's daughter

Nicole Curtis - Doesn't know her

Kim Kardashian - Never heard of her

Third list: Diets - Justin is guessing

20/20 Diet - Doesn't know it

Carb Cycle Diet - One week with carbs, one week without carbs?

Paleo Diet - Only eat things that prehistoric humans could have eaten, like prepackaged foods that say Paleo Diet on it

GM Diet Plan - Doesn't know it

Military Diet Plan - Just follow rations as if you were in the military?

Atkins Induction Diet - Diet to get you acclimated to the full Atkins, low-carb, high-protein diet

Aftershow

Hoooooo boy. So there was about 25 minutes of normal aftershow chattin, but then Justin proposed the idea of he and Brian trying their hand at casting Hearthstone games. If you usually skip the Hearthstone portions of the aftershow, maybe give this one a shot.

They started out with a game provided by Blizzard that they want people to provide commentary for in order to find the next big Hearthstone casters. Of course they assumed their Hearth and Oates alter-egos and after 9 or so restarts, they finally casted a full game. That shit was GREAT. Like, I dabble in a little Hearthstone from time to time, I'm not crazy into the game but their commentary was ridiculous and hilarious.

Reveling in their new found casting talents, the guys decided to move on to providing commentary for Willie Dills who just happened to be streaming Hearthstone at that moment. It was even better than the game they did before. After nearly an hour of yelling at Dills, they realized that they could just go on Twitch and start casting random people's games. They registered the Twitch account "TrollcastShow" and said they would do some trollcasting the next day. But who knows if that'll happen. Well… you probably do, future person. But here I am still living in December 29th, 2015. You tell me if they streamed.

Great Quotes

"I mean the magic bang. The bang that God was present for." - Justin during the movie Google Search list

Fun Facts

Brian flexed his huge social media dick during the final Diamond Time plug

Characters

Desperate Santa

YouTube

Preshow & Aftershow

Since Night Attack is directly funded by the viewers, the preshow and aftershow videos are available to Patrons of the show ASAP and freely available 48h after release. If you're not yet a Patron of the show, then go to Patreon.com/NightAttack and pledge ANY amount!