Finding love, Portland style: Where the boys are (or aren't) ...

View full sizeHeather Strom met her future husband, Dave, within three weeks of moving to Portland. But to hear others tell it, her story is the exception. The very rare exception.

Is finding love in Portland a breeze, or is this city a black hole of dating?

For Heather Strom, finding love couldn't have been easier.

"I came to Portland without a job, without knowing anybody, without having a place to live," says Strom, who moved to the city in January 2008. "I didn't know a soul."

To keep family and friends apprised of her new life in Portland, she started a blog. Almost immediately, a stranger -- Dave, of Dave Knows: Portland (portland.daveknows.org) -- commented on one of her posts.

"And so, new to blogging, I sent him a note saying thanks," Strom remembers. "In the meantime, I saw that he had a blog all about Portland."

The two started chatting via e-mail. Knowing Heather's situation -- new in town with no friends -- Dave invited her to Bailey's Taproom.

"I didn't have a reason to say no," she says. "So on Valentine's Day 2008 we met for a beer."

And that's how, just three weeks after moving to Portland, Heather Strom met her husband.

Allie Fuller, however, has had a different experience of romance in the Rose City. She's not sure if Portland men are too laid-back, Portland women too independent, or a combination of both.

"Men are just really nonchalant and kind of loosey-goosey about plans, almost like they're not interested," Fuller says. "People will say, 'Why do you think you're single?'" And I'll say, 'Oh, you know, I suffer from PPMS: Portland Passive Male Syndrome.'"

She laughs and tells the story of a date that didn't happen. She'd met a guy she liked, but he was "just way too flexible" -- yet just when Fuller decided he wasn't right for her, he stepped up and invited her on a picnic.

But he'd forgotten about a birthday party he was committed to and bailed on the picnic -- via text message -- an hour before they were scheduled to meet.

"It wasn't, 'I forgot about this party, do you want to go with me?' Or, 'Is it cool if we connect before or after?'" Fuller says. "I just was like, really? A text? Come on!"

Some people contend the city's eclectic coolness makes dating a real challenge, regardless of gender.

"Portland is a great place for a man without a job, an apartment or life to find a hardworking woman who will give him 'three hots and a cot,' an allowance and a place for his band to practice," says Jennifer Lane, founder of BarFly Magazine. "I'm from New York, where people are a lot more direct about whatever they're feeling. People here are so casual, sometimes it's hard to tell if you're actually on a date, or not."

For those in a decidedly unromantic mood, Lane's BarFly Bus Tours offers its fourth annual "Love Stinks, Let's Drink" anti-Valentine's Day bar tour of Portland on Saturday, for "camaraderie with other like-minded individuals," Lane says.

Heather Strang, who does energy healing and coaching and specializes in dating and love, says the problem isn't Portland.

"I have clients on the East Coast, in California, all over the country, and they all say the same thing," Strang says. "Every single woman I've talked to believes that where they live, there are no men."

"Definitely there is a different dynamic of men and women here in Portland. I do feel like women are way more in their masculine energy here," admits Strang, who counsels women on how to shift limiting beliefs like, "He's not here" or "It's too hard."

"(But) it does not mean you can't find love, or find someone to date," she says. "I think what makes it easy is the friendliness of the city. As long as I'm friendly and open, I can go out anyplace and meet people in Portland, and hopefully get a date. I haven't ever run into a problem with that in Portland."

Strang suggests that if you find yourself unattached -- happily or unhappily -- on Valentine's Day, take the opportunity to do something you enjoy, like making reservations with friends at your favorite wine bar.

"It's important to keep in mind that you bring about what you think about," says Strang, emphasizing the power of attitude.

Fuller, an acquaintance of Strang's, understands the value of an optimistic outlook. Despite Portland Passive Male Syndrome, Fuller has been in several relationships and one marriage here. Since she's met most of the men she's dated through friends and work associates, she's decided to focus on dating by referral.

"I have so many cool friends, and my cool friends have to have cool friends," she says with hopeful determination. "I thought, if I just really start telling (people), 'Hey, I'm single and I would love to meet someone else who's awesome that you know,' I don't think there's any magic; I think it's just a little sweat equity involved."

In the meantime, the Stroms may head back to Bailey's Taproom for Valentine's Day.

"We met for a beer there three years ago exactly on Valentine's Day," says Strom, who admits she generally treats Feb. 14 as just another day. "I figured it was going to take me months to sort of make some decent friends. Along came Dave, and he made Portland much friendlier than I was expecting," she laughs. "I've wanted to go back and get a beer, just the way we did when we met."

Five strategies for attracting love

From Heather Strang:

1. Clean house: "You cannot have any exes hanging around. No booty call people. You really want to be clear and have your dating space clear. You can't be pining over anyone. It's not going to allow you to really be available to find someone that way."

2. Be intentional: You have to know what you want -- are you looking for The One or just someone to hang out with on Saturday nights? "Be really clear," she suggests. "Before you even go out, you need to be really intentional about what it is that you even want."

3. Just get out there: Strang recommends a two-pronged approach: • Get an online dating account. You won't necessarily meet your match online, but this gets you in the mindset of dating and meeting people. • Pick one new event each week and show up for it. "Stop doing the happy hour and bar scene every Friday night that you've been doing for 10 years," Strang advises. "Find an art gallery opening or anything that is different and new that you've got a little bit of interest in."

4. Feel good about yourself: "Do not wear clothes unless they make you feel fabulous. Pony up the 20 bucks and get a mani-pedi (and) do the things that really make you feel beautiful. It's really important that when you go out there, in how you're showing up, you feel that you're presenting your best self."

5. Smile and say "Hi" to everyone: "Look alive. Ask people how they're doing. Friendly people attract other friendly people, and when you're shining your light and you're smiling and you're having a great time, people are attracted to that. It's really your job to be as open as possible."