Sunday, August 25, 2002

ALERT!

Got your attention didn't I? Just wanted to let all my visitors to this site know that I have added a link up above, "SIGN MY DAMN GUESTMAP!!" or something like that. Shirl created a monster when she introduced me to the simplicity of HTML some two or three months ago. Now I'm an HTML'ing fool.

News on the Jeeem front:

Something crawled up inside my cat and died.

It's awful. The windows are open and the ceiling fan is whirling. I just got back from Cricenti's and have purchased Air Freshener. It's enough to gag a maggot. Yuck. Damn animal. I musta done something wrong and she's getting back at me. I swear I heard her laughing just a second ago.

Bill, the guy from the West, who has raped the forest across the street from me, remains a mystery. Word about the neighborhood has it that he was locked up for a few days in town and has a restraining order placed on him. I don't know the details but I'll continue to keep my ear to the gossip channel grapevine in town. He hasn't been back to do anymore raping except to occasionally drive by late in the evening....a suspicious act.

Poor numby Bill. He obviously does not understand that New Englanders handle things differently. I warned him of that when I first met him (having built a log cabin not far from here) but it appears he decided to do things here like they do out West. A mistake in New England. Word has it that a "Cease and Desist" order has been placed on him. Kinda reminds me of the old Western movies when they run somebody out of town.

A terrible outbreak of Yard Sales is occurring in the surrounding neighborhoods. The intriguing factor of this common Summer event are the signs. Yard Sale signs come in all different forms, sizes, colors, materials and verbiage. Some people get pretty inventive, spray painting "YARD SALE" on the junk hood of a car and leaning it against a sign post or fashioning a sign out of a piece of cardboard with an arrow pointing in the general direction of the sale.

Some people have no concept of direction. The arrow on the handmade sign points into a clump of bushes or in such a general direction that the driver has a variety of options in which to take. You follow the arrow, follow the signs down a country road for miles until it just peters out. No yard sale in sight. Sometimes signs fall down or get stolen. Sometimes the sign maker just takes it for granted you will figure it out.

Once you get to these sales, they are typically in the persons yard. The whole damn family is usually there, but sometimes it is a good excuse for Papa to take the kids and go fishing. Men usually hate yard sales. Either that, or the wife wants to get rid of them because she is interested in actually selling something. Men always want to get tough on prices, often standing firm on a $20.00 item when his spouse would have easily settled on $10.00 or less, if nothing else to just get rid of the damn thing.

Yard sales take many forms. Garage sales, Moving sales, Porch sales, Backyard sales, Breezeway sales, Driveway sales and House sales come to mind. Anything catchy to get the attention of the passerby.

Bartering is part of the fun of yard sales. Bartering is an international sport. I've done it in the Philippines, in Mexico and in China. It's fun. My strategy in the fine art of Yard Sailing, is to wait until the late afternoon when yard sales are getting ready to wrap up. I walk up to the huge box of books, peruse them a bit and offer to buy the whole box for .....say $2.00.

Strategy?

The box didn't sell and they want to get rid of the crap. Most of the time it works.

After the yard sale closes, hubby comes home with the kids and the fight starts.....

"Whadda ya mean you sold my Skillsaw for $5.00?"

"Those waders were worth at least $50.00! Whadda ya mean there were holes in them? They can be patched ya know!"

"I was gonna use that bowling ball!"

Yard Sales. An American tradition. Did you know that your yard sale is not an OFFICIAL yard sale unless you are selling a fondue set? Some people don't realize this. You're not supposed to buy them. You go to the yard sale and look for the fondue set. If you can't find one.....LEAVE. They are kind of like parsley. You don't eat the parsley on your plate, now do you? Ergo, you don't buy a fondue set.

Well, the WEATHER STICK is pointing downwards so we are gonna get some rain. We need it. It's pretty crunchy here. Hope you all have a great weekend!

Amazing Thailand

I'm DAMN Hungry!

Recipezaar!

It's Time To EAT!

THAILAND versus AMERICA

Thailand Scenario #1: Boy and Parn get into a fistfight after school. - Crowd gathers. Parn wins the fight. Boy and Parn shake hands and end up buddies.

America Scenario #1: Joe and Oscar get into a fistfight after school. - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Joe and Oscar… Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Joe started it.Thailand Scenario #2: Pornwat won’t be still in class, disrupts other students. Pornwat sent to office and given a good caning by the Principal… Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

America Scenario #2: Peter won't be still in class, disrupts other students. Peter given HUGE doses of Ritalin… Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADHD. School gets extra money from state because Peter has a disability.

Thailand Scenario #3: Onwat breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and Khun Pa gives him a whipping with his belt. - Onwat is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

America Scenario #3: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt. - Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse… Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang… State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison… Billy’s Mom has affair with psychologist.

Thailand Scenario #4: Alita gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. - Alita shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.

America Scenario #4:Josh gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school. - Police called, Josh expelled from school for drug violations… Car searched for drugs and weapons.

America Scenario #5: Pedro fails high school English. - Pedro’s cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher… English banned from core curriculum… Pedro given diploma anyway… but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

America Scenario #6: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed. - ATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents and Johnny's siblings are removed from the home… computers confiscated. Johnny’s Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.Thailand Scenario #7: Banwat falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Jahrut… Jahrut hugs him to comfort him. - In a short time, Banwat feels better and goes on playing.

America Scenario #7:Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary… Mary hugs him to comfort him. - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison… Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.