I am new here - my significant other is currently using suboxone and is in the process of tapering off. He doesn't give me all of the details of his experience (embarrassed/scared/etc...) but I know he has gotten down below 2 mg/day for the past few weeks. Last week, I found a xanax bar in his bottle with his medicine - he claims that this is a way of coping with the withdrawal, but I have a hard time being ok with that, especially because he has never mentioned it, and has no prescription for it.

How can I approach this without being that crazy girlfriend that he thinks is watching his every move? I love him so much and I am so scared for him and for myself. I want so badly to trust/believe him, but I can't help but be skeptical..

Your partner is right. Many people use Xanax to help them through withdrawal symptoms. This has to be done carefully, especially if he abused them before he got on suboxone. The other drug which can help enormously is called clonidine. He should see if his sub doctor will prescribe clonidine. It's a blood pressure lowering medication but it is used off label for opiate withdrawal.

A natural skepticism is normal and probably healthy when your partner is an addict. You could empathize that withdrawal and tapering must be a bitch so he should see what medications his doctor would prescribe to help him through this. That's what I would do, but I wouldn't harp on it.

Thank you so much - we had a long talk about it last night and I trust that he only uses the Xanax as needed. The fact that he doesn't have his own script for them still makes me a little nervous, but all in all I think I was just being overly protective.

I have another question regarding this.. I'm sorry if these seem crazy, but I am very new to this and just trying to understand and help the man I love..

Since the xanax incident, I have been a little more observant, just generally trying to keep an eye on things and make sure everything is ok. I have noticed he is leaving the house at night, usually 1ish in the morning (while I am asleep) - when I confront him he says he is going to get tobacco, though it is a little strange to me, I accept it drop it.

This morning, out of curiosity, I counted his medicine. He is prescribed 2mg a day, though he has told me he is taking less because he is ready to come off (under his dr's watch) - he got his script filled Tuesday, which was 30 strips for a month. Being that today is Friday, he should still have 27 strips, but when I counted this morning he only has 22... I understand maybe he is simply on too low of a dose right now and isn't ready to come off - I also understand that he may be too embarrassed to tell me that. I don't know how to approach this, I want him to be honest with me, if he needs a higher dose I am perfectly fine with that and will support him. I also want him to tell his dr, because obviously he is setting himself to run out at this rate and the thought of him going to the street to find something frightens me.

I know I must sound paranoid, but I truly just want him to be ok - if that means staying on subs and possibly getting a higher dose, I see no problem with that. I am not forcing him to taper, from my understanding that was HIS plan and HIS desire, but now it seems to have gotten the best of him.. Which I understand, I just don't know how to approach it. His mood has been fine, though he is back in the dreaded cycle of not sleeping for a few days and then sleeping for a few (which I believe he is sleeping those few days due to taking xanax, though he has only admitted to taking it the day that I found it and not again since).

This is very hard for me, I have never had an opiate addiction and have only known him since he was on suboxone, never while he was using his DOC. I don't really know what to look for/expect or how to handle what I do find. I am trying to be present and patient and support him through this, but if he can't tell me what is going on it is incredibly hard for me.. Any advice is appreciated.

Last edited by bleezy on Fri May 02, 2014 12:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Suboxone isn't the type of drug that'll make you stay awake for a few days, then sleep for a few days. The only drugs I know that do that are cocaine and methamphetamine.

It looks like he's short on his Suboxone after just a few days. If I had to guess, I'd say he's selling his Suboxone and buying some kind of drugs with the money? Hard to say, though. If he were taking extra Suboxone, I don't think he'd be awake for days, then asleep for days, that's just not how Suboxone works, even if you abuse it, like I did.

Him leaving at 1ish in the morning is suspicious, too. I only did shit like that when I was in active addiction.

IDK, bleezy.....things just don't seem right here.

_________________Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

I am not sure that's he's big into stimulants - in talking about his past use he has never mentioned liking them much - they were my DOC for a couple years and I don't really have that suspicion.. The insomnia he has had since I met him - usually it is up until 7 am, sleep a few hours, then back up again - he says it's from withdrawal/RLS/etc... which I have read and could potentially believe. I do not, however, believe he is in withdrawal if he has gone through 8 2/mg strips in 3 days, unless what you are saying is right and he's selling them. Not sure about that either though, because last week I found an empty wrapper for an 8/mg strip (which he is not prescribed).

The xanax was my first flag - and honestly in the 7 months we have lived together that has been my ONLY flag, but like I said after that I have been more observant and only today have I ever counted his medicine. Small signs are starting to make me wonder (like leaving at 1 am) - and I don't know if I'm paranoid warranted in my suspicions.

I'm not sure what to do, he is a full-time grad student, which I know is stressful - and from what he tells me he wants nothing more than to come off subs - and he seems genuine when he says it, but I am beginning to think maybe he just isn't ready - or has another problem he needs to face?

I want to support him and help him to get better, whether that be staying on subs, coming off, or getting some other form of help? He still treats me well, is not violent/moody/etc... none of it makes sense honestly - just curious if anyone has had a similar experience?

Hi Bleezy, I'm new to this forum, but not to drug use. What you are describing is an addict who is still having issues. (Completely my own opinion.) The only way to know is to sit down with him and lay out everything in order and ask him what's up. Make sure you aren't accusatory, that he knows you are only asking out of love. Otherwise you are just driving yourself crazy with worry. I've been where you are, he may not level with you, but you WILL know after this talk where he is headed and then you can plan what your next action will be. Of course only you know if you are up to this, so if you can't then you can't. Good luck, remember that life goes down many paths and things don't always work out like you thought they would, but they still work out. CC

I would end a relationship instantly if I found out some snoop was going through my pill bottles behind my back? Who the hell are you to be going through HIS medication? The only way that is acceptable is if its a family member paying for a childs treatment and is in control of doling out the medication, a grown man who pays for his own meds has doesn't have to explain shit to you. "he claims he uses it to cope but I'm not Okay with that". So he should be in agony because YOUR not ok with that? How selfish, it actually makes me sick how controlling you are. He has an addiction that could kill him and is doing something about it and there you are probably while he's in the bathroom or the shower going through all his shit. People like you led to me taking all my valuables with me into the shower with me in a tupperware container because of your sick snooping behavior. I bet you go through his cell phone as well.

I don't know that the above post was warranted or perhaps it was simply not delivered very efficiently and sounded more cruel than helpful. Perhaps a more tactful way of stating that opinion would have been to say that it is extremely stressful for you and I understand your desire to try to micromanage or control the situation but an approach like that is rarely beneficial to the addict in question or you, quite honestly and really, your focus should be on you, the one and only thing you can truly control and keep healthy. I think that is what my friend above was trying to say.

That said, in my view the cycle of waking for days and sleeping for days is not normal and would be indicative of stimulant use as stated, possibly CNS depressant withdrawal or untreated mental illness particularly bipolar disorder, or maybe cyclothymic disorder.

Thank you everyone for your responses - Buprecision I am truly sorry that you feel the way that you do. I am not in any way trying to be controlling, but at the moment I am very concerned about the man I love and at the same time am concerned about myself. My boyfriend and I live together, and at the moment due to monetary issues I do happen to be paying for everything - this includes his medication and additionally giving him money whenever he requests it without ever asking what it is for. We are very tight on money, and I do believe I have a right to know if my money if enabling him to fund something that could put him in jeopardy. If it is going towards his medicine, however, I am perfectly ok with that.

I want to make it clear that I am in no way against his suboxone use, I fully support it and praise it for saving his life. I am trying to look out for his best interest especially when I see that he is setting himself to run out of medicine 2 weeks before his next refill and am fully aware of what an awful experience that could be. I agree that going through his phone was a shitty move, and have not done so since. I am desperately trying to trust him, but am also not naive enough to look past certain signs. I know how easy it is to manipulate someone that loves you, and I happen to be an easy target to begin with.

Hey Blezzy, bn reading your thethread and you have gotten some good information.

You love an Opiate Addict. It isnt aneasy thing to live with. Remember, he will always be an opiate addict. It never just gos away.

Stand by him, help him anyway you can, but just never forget everything that comes with it. And your just beginning to learn what that is.

I would look at what Rome has said, reread it. Same with TWIN .

The fact you hold the perse strings puts you in a position of power.

I do not know you or your bf, im not judging here but we all here have bn that person where your bf is now. We know the tricks. Just keep an eye out. This is Opiate addiction, a chronic, relapsing, deadly, disease.

Let me ask this, is he seeing a therapist?, going to aa or na?, something?.. what is his plan for after he gets off subs?, assuming he does...

Also, maybe read some of dr j's posts over st the Talkzone.

Just wanted to weigh in here this morning. There is hope, if a recovery plan is in place. Best of luck..razor

I cannot even begin to thank you all for the kind words, advice, and understanding - finding this site has truly helped me in ways I cannot imagine.

He doesn't tell me much about his recovery - he actually didn't tell me he was even in recovery until we had been dating 4 months and living together for 2 - and he has since told me that there are certain things he would like to keep between him and his doctor, which I can understand. My fear is that there are things he is not telling his doctor either, like taking a higher dose and supplementing with xanax. I am fairly certain his doctor is a therapist - but if he is attending meetings I have no idea. He tells me he plans to be off subs in the very near future - and that he is nearing the end, but that is really all I know.

He also has a hard time identifying as an addict - he says he doesn't need his DOC, or the subs..

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