Friday, August 3, 2012

Just For Women: The Project Runway recap

Due to overwhelming and relentless peer pressure—mostly
from members of my immediate family—I’ve decided to dip my big toe back into
the recap pool this season.

Before I recap last night’s eppy, a few general observations
from the first 2 shows.

Is there an official Project Runway haircut for guys now?
Like some sort of reality TV military, except instead of giving you a buzzcut,
they shave the sides of your head and give you a hipster pompadour, ironic
beard optional?
It’s odd. But it only adds to the hilarious sense that Gunnar and
Christopher—the Betty White and Bea Arthur of this season’s competition—are
doppelgangers of each other. (Should those two just do it already, or what?)

Stray thoughts on some other contestants:

Kooan Kosuke seems less like a Project Runway contestant and
more like one of those oddballs who auditions for American Idol and becomes a
YouTube phenomenon for a few weeks.

The minute I laid eyes on Dmitry Sholokhov I thought:
Somewhere, there’s a Russian Olympic ice dance team missing its ice master.
Okay, close enough. The guy’s a former ballroom dancer. And straight out of
central casting.

I love that Ven Budhu’s name is Ven Budhu because he looks
like Buddha. But I was shocked that he’s only 28. I would’ve guessed 2,345 at
least.

(Also, he’s obviously a talented designer—Lord knows, he’ll be the first
to tell you—but he has that kind of tasteful, safe design aesthetic that
Michael Kors and Nina Garcia always go for. Yawn.)

(Conversely, Buffi’s loud, poppy, Harajuku girl style stuff
is exactly what the judges hate. Her time on this show is clearly limited. A
shame, cause I love that crazy, leopard spotted beotch.)

As for Andrea Katz: She must have some photos of the Project
Runway staff key party or somethin’. How else to explain how her button candy
apron didn’t land her in the bottom 3? (Has anyone else ever designed an apron
for Project Runway? What’s next? A dish towel?)

Oh Sonjia is my early favorite, just cause I love her blue
hair and funky fresh style.

Okay, onto last night’s show:

God, there was almost something comforting when Tim Gunn
announced, “The color of the Lexus SM vehicle you’re assigned to must be
incorporated into your design.”

Don’t ever change, Project Runway. Don’t ever change.

So this week, the designers were paired up to make a gown
for the Emmys.

This didn’t sit well with the Eastern European contingent.

“I don’t like to work with anyone.Who does?” said Elena.

“When it comes to my work I’m a little bit of a control
freak. But who isn’t?” said Dmitry.

It’s this kind of attitude that lost the Russians the
all-around girl’s gymnastics medal at the Olympics, people.

The whole gown thing also didn’t sit well with Raul because,
in case you hadn’t heard the first 45 times he told us, he designs menswear. (With
his ouster this week, a short-lived “I design menswear” drinking game has gone
by the wayside.)

In a cool twist, they were designing for former Project
Runway all-stars. Nice one.

Here were the teams:

Buffi and Elena

Designing for: Laura

Christopher and Andrea

Designing for: Anya

Raul and Alicia

Designing for: Mila

Gunnar and Kooan

Designing for Irina (LOLOLOLOL)

Melissa and Dmitry

Designing for April

Sonjia and Nathan

Designing for Valerie

Ven and Fabio

Designing for Kenley

Gunnar saw this challenge for what it was: A big fat trap.

“The hardest person to impress in fashion is a fucking
fashion designer,” he noted, accurately.

That being said, probably the most disappointing thing about
last night’s show was the fact that Kenley liked her dress. Because hell hath
no fury like a pissed off Kenley.Damn Ven and all his annoying. . .talent.

It must be exhausting to be Kenley

I also expected Irina to be more of a nightmare, but except
for one brief moment when she almost brought Kooan to tears, she was pretty
mellow. (Didn’t you get the sense though that she “helped” with the design? One
minute that dress had a puckered butt line. The next minute it had a clever
strip of flowy fabric in the back. I call shenanigans). (Also, cute get-up Gunnar. Did you recently take in a screening of Wes Anderson's Moonrise Kingdom, by any chance?)

"I fixed this shit"-Irina

“For some reason I feel sad not happy,” Kooan said at one
point. “I work well when I’m happy.” (If this whole Project Runway thing
doesn’t pan out, Kooan should host one of those weekend TV shows that work
really well both for small children and for adults on acid.)

It was also funny to see the likes of Anya and Mila in
horrible dresses. They’re both so impeccable in their own personal styles and
to see Mila galumphing down the runway in Raul and Alicia’s monstrosity, her
bitchface set to stun, and boho chic goddess Anya, looking like a cocktail
waitress at the HoJo lounge in 1976, well it was hard to take.

"I Hate My Life"

Speaking of Anya. . .yup: Christopher and Andrea blew it.

I definitely love Christopher, I think he’s talented and
adorbs, but I also see him as super passive aggressive.

Have you noticed that nothing is EVER his fault? He’s always the one rolling his eyes and reacting to
sassy Gunnar—while shooting him smoldering glares of lust-filled hatred—and this
week, he “respected” Andrea too much to tell her to move her ass. Uh huh.

Yes Christopher, sitting and seething with resentment is
always the most productive way to get things done. (And led to the inevitable
battle royale on the runway—with tears, recriminations, pointed fingers, hurt
feelings, the works.)

And oh God, could there be two less compatible people than
Buffi and Elena? (Make that three less
compatible people than Buffi, Elena, and Laura Bennett?)

Friends for Life!!!

Just looking at Elena, with her terrifying, humorless Soviet work ethic, makes
me tense.

Also, what’s up with her hair? She literally looks like a
different (nicer) person when she has bangs. The bangs are for the playful
happy side of Elena. The severe pulled back style is for the crazed,
prison-warden-at-a-gulag Elena. #TeamBangs

Runway time. And the guest is Krysten Ritter from Don’t
Trust the B. . .oh, who am I trying to kid, she was Jesse’s crackhead
girlfriend in Breaking Bad!!! Squee!!!

Not one of the dresses is a complete success, if you ask me.

I do like Kenley’s dress, but it’s too short for the Emmys.

I actually thought Buffi and Elena pulled it off with
Laura’s dress. Who woulda thunk?

Totally thought Dmitry and Melissa were going to be in the
top with that flowy Grecian goddess number. (Not my bag, but the
construction was solid.)

So miraculously, Gunnar and Kooan are in the Top 2 (seriously
saved by that choker—sorry, that Lord & Taylor accessory wall choker—if you ask me) along with Fabio and Ven.

It was pretty amazing how deftly Ven combined his aesthetic
with Kenley’s.

As for Fabio, no one really knows what his aesthetic is. Probably a bad sign.

I truly think Fabio and Ven won because nothing better came
down the runway. Not the most auspicious of showings.

Oh yeah, Raul got sent home, where he’ll open up a store
called Just Menswear.

10 comments:

As far as the show, I thought the designs were incredibly disappointing, especially there's a lot of talent in this group. And designers, this was red carpet for heaven's sake! What an opportunity. Yet they all managed to blow it.

Your blog, on the other hand, never disappoints. Loved every word, Max!! Thanks for posting. xo

According to Laura B., Kenley pretty much dictated the design of her dress to Ven and Fabio and got very bitchy any time they seemed to counter her. And, yes, Irina did indeed suggest the rear scarf detail on her gown to hide the unfortunate rear seaming.

And finally, Sonjia and Nathan should have been in the top two with Dmitry and Melissa, and I'd have been happy with either of those teams winning. I'd also have sent Andrea rather than Raul home, although I don't think he'd have lasted much longer.

According to Laura B., Kenley pretty much dictated the design of her dress to Ven and Fabio and got very bitchy any time they seemed to counter her. And, yes, Irina did indeed suggest the rear scarf detail on her gown to hide the unfortunate rear seaming.

And finally, Sonjia and Nathan should have been in the top two with Dmitry and Melissa, and I'd have been happy with either of those teams winning. I'd also have sent Andrea rather than Raul home, although I don't think he'd have lasted much longer.

I can’t believe I missed the team challenge episode! I heard a few gals around my office at Dish talking about it, and it sounds like it was just filled with drama! I’m going to have to find that episode and see for myself. I had to miss it because my boyfriend refuses to watch the show. :( Luckily, I won’t have to deal with his protests anymore now that we upgraded to the Hopper DVR, which lets us watch or record up to six things at once. I’m excited to start watching again!

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About Me

Hi, I'm Max Weiss. You might know me from WBAL radio or WBAL TV. Maybe you know me from my days on Max and Mike on the Movies or as managing editor of Baltimore magazine. Maybe you don't know me at all—and prefer it that way. This blog will be sort of a clearing house of movie reviews, pop culture musings, deep thoughts, and reality TV recaps. Oh and pictures of my dog. Lots and lots of pictures of my dog.