A place to let it all hang out, but only if you've got what it takes. If you don't have it, then we want you to leave it safely tucked away. Mmm, yeah, tucked far away... where no one can see it... ever.

November 28, 2007

I went and elfed my family at Office Space, or Office Max, or Office Depot. I don't know, all those places are the same to me. Click the image to see the video. It's pretty darn funny if you ask me. Of course, you might not be as amused. You know what will amuse you, though? That's right, my t-shirts at my cafepress store. Click the link on the right. Damn, it's Christmas people. Don't you have to buy gifts or something. Just buy them already.

November 26, 2007

This article was posted at the New York Post site. It's about a new lipstick that's come out with the hefty price tag of $62,000. That's right, I said sixty-two THOUSAND dollars.

KISS $62K GOODBYEPRICEY LIPSTICK IS COLOR OF MONEYBy DANICA LO

November 23, 2007 -- IMAGINE having a lipstick so expensive that every single after-dinner touch-up costs you hundreds of dollars - per lip. This week, French cosmetics house Guerlain - lipstick innovators since the 1920s - launches KissKiss Gold and Diamonds - a $62,000 lip color wrapped in a 110-gram, 18-karat gold tube encrusted with 199 conflict-free diamonds weighing 2.2 carats, rubies and emeralds. It can be custom-engraved and will be sold exclusively through private consultations at Bergdorf Goodman.

Whew. At this price, we're hoping the lipstick comes with a built-in Mr. Right (for kissing, obv) and the consultation will buy our kids admission to Princeton.

For the price of 310,000 Wendy's chicken nuggets, a 2007 Cadillac Escalade, or nearly 400,000 Harry Potter Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans from Dylan's Candy Bar, lipstick lovers are granted a personal appointment with Olivier Echaudemaison, Guerlain's artistic director, and a custom-made shade housed - along with its own lip brush and protective black suede pouch - in a black lacquered case.

Counting pennies? Save on the $5,192.50 sales tax by having the store ship it - for a nominal $12.75 fee - out of state. Now that's a bargain.

Seriously, maybe the real reason French women don't get fat is because they can't afford to eat and mess up their lipstick.

Make appointments now for consultations beginning Dec. 1 at Guerlain, Bergdorf Goodman, by calling (212) 872-2734.

As you can see, this is totally worth $62,000. All I'm saying is if you've got this kind of money to spend on a lipstick, give it to me. You obviously have a hard time coming up with useful ways to spend your money, so just give it to me so I can buy my kid a freaking Wii, which I'm trying desperately to raise the funds for by selling t-shirts at cafepress.com. Click the link to the side. And once I'm done buying the Wii, I can use the rest to send her to college.

November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving. I hope you're well on your way to stuffing yourself silly. I'm about to get my own cooking underway here, but I just wanted to take a moment to wish the best of this day to all of you and remind you that tomorrow is the unofficial start of the Christmas shopping season—as if you didn't already know that. Which leads me to wonder about what would make an excellent Christmas gift. It is a dilemma. Hmmmm. Hey, you know what just occurred to me? Any one of my excellent shirts at my excellent cafepress store would make an awesome gift for that special someone in your life.

I have to say, at this point, I really don't know what you're waiting for. Someone who is not a friend of mine or related to me already bought something. I mean, people are realizing the genius at work here.

In other news, I've been coerced into being in another play. I'm going to be a courtesan in A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. It should be fun. I get to wear bells and cymbals, which is always a good time. Anyway, have a great day and I hope you puke from eating so much.

November 21, 2007

You know, some stuff you just can't make up. And this article about the Rapex female condom is one of those things. This is a post from The First Post about this new device which is designed to prevent rape. It's basically a female condom that is lined with tiny razors that cut and bury themselves into the rapist's penis upon penetration. I say good to the woman who invented this. And I don't care if the rapist ends up with a mangled piece of roadkill hanging from between his legs for the rest of his life because he deserves it.

Rape: now women can bite back

The words of a rape victim - "If only I had teeth down there" - have inspired the design of a new anti-rape device.

Rapex - dubbed the 'rape trap' - is a product worn internally by women. The hollow inside is lined with rows of razor-sharp hooks, which are designed to latch on to a rapist's penis during penetration. They can only be removed by a doctor.

The product will be on the shelves of South African chemists and supermarkets later this month. South African mother-of-two Sonette Ehlers developed the original prototype in 2005 but has struggled to get it patented and approved for sale, not least because of staunch opposition from feminist groups.

"Vengeful, horrible, and disgusting," was the response from Charlene Smith, one of South Africa's leading anti-rape campaigners. Lisa Vetten, of the Centre of Violence and

Reconciliation in Johannesburg, says: "This is like going back to the days when women were forced to wear chastity belts. It is a terrifying thought that women are being made to adapt to rape."

Some also fear that the sudden infliction of pain on the rapist could incite him to even greater violence.

Ehlers, however, is adamant that desperate times call for desperate measures. South Africa has the world's highest rate of sexual assault: a staggering 1.7m women are raped each year. She believes the product, priced at one Rand, will be particularly useful for poorer black women who walk long distances to and from work.

With state intervention frustratingly slow, Ehlers argues this ugly version of empowerment is justified. "I don't hate men," she says. "I have not got revenge in mind. All I am doing is giving women their power back."FIRST POSTED APRIL 4, 2007

November 20, 2007

Yes, I'm still selling stuff to try and make enough money for a Wii for my daughter's Christmas present. Don't you guys want to help make that dream come true? Can't you just picture her precious 10-year-old face when she see a brand, spanking new Wii sitting there for her? It's the stuff of a Hallmark Channel movie. Come on, have a heart. Anyway, if the abject pleading is getting no where with you, just look at how cool this stuff is. Seriously, everyone is going to be sooooooo envious of your good fashion sense.

Just click on the CafePress link to the right or just click here. Really, how can you afford not to?

November 19, 2007

I am trying to do photo editing without Photoshop and it's driving me crazy. I downloaded a couple of free apps off the internet, but none of them are as easy as Photoshop and it's driving me NUTS. Mainly, the other apps don't seem to have an easy to use masking feature like Photoshop. Is it possible to buy Photoshop for home use? I should look into it, because God knows I don't need the $600 version, but there has got to be an easier way.

November 16, 2007

I just woke up from a nap, a benadryl-induced nap. So now I feel kind of sluggish. Just looked at my sales report and I'm still at a whopping one sale. What do pepole want? I don't know what people want. I could make designs in my own blood. Someone is bound to buy a damn shirt then. But I'm not bitter. I've been thinking a lot about Christmas this year and I really don't know why. I've never been quite this frantic about getting gifts before. Maybe it's because I know I am so unmotivated to go shopping anymore that I'm just dreading having to go buy stuff. Christmas used to be fun, but I feel like it hasn't been for a long, long time. It's always nice to watch my daughter's joy at Christmastime, but I'd like to be able to get into the swing of things, mysef.

November 14, 2007

OK, I've had one sale so for on my nifty new cagepress store (Puffy K Emporium). And while that one sale shows the incredible good taste of my cousin, I think it's a sad state of affairs overall. So since I understand how taxing clicking on the button to the right can be, I'm going to put up a few samples of the AWESOME shirts you can get at the site. I did mention I'm trying to earn money to buy my daughter a Wii for Christmas, right? Anyway, I've got human shirts and dog shirts on the site so far.

See? Awesome, right? Anyway, I'm adding new designs everyday so tell your friends and family. Send the link to anyone you know. And to make it easy for you, here's the link. http://www.cafepress.com/koreancelt

November 12, 2007

You remember how my daughter's first snake (technically second) snake escaped the day after her birthday and I had to go get her another one? Well, the new snake escaped Friday night. My daughter went to get Naboo out of its tank on Saturday morning to hold it, and it was gone. There gets to be a point where you have to stop and wonder after three escaped snakes, is the universe trying to tell you something. Anyway, my husband took apart the tank trying to figure out how in the hell the snake managed to escape this time and all he could find was this thin sliver of space on the lid. It's the only explanation because it was completely beyond reason to think that snake could escape. My daughter said I probably wasn't willing to get another snake at this point and I told her that was between her and her father to decide. I asked if she even wanted another snake and she said she didn't know because she didn't want to get her heart broken again. So my husband put all the tank stuff in the basement and we went to church for Saturday mass, pretty much realizing that was the last we were going to see of Naboo. So you can imagine our surprise when we got home and I found Naboo sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor next to the pen where we keep Mookie when we go out. I almost couldn't believe what I saw, so I quickly picked up the snake, which was feeling pretty cold and told my daughter that Naboo had returned. She was pretty excited and my husband had to quickly set up the tank, but it was an overall good night. My daughter then spent about 15 minutes taping off any possible escape route on the tank. We'll see if it works.

As for loss, my husband just called and it is official: all of his files from the computer are gone. We tried to do a data retrieval, but his stuff is just all gone. Eleven days worth of music is gone. It's true that everything in the world balances itself out.

November 08, 2007

OK, I'm trying to make some extra cash for Christmas, so I opened one of these CafePress stores. You can click the link to the right where it says, "Buy Unique Gifts," or whatever it says over there. So far, I've only got t-shirts and I'll be adding more designs as time goes on. Well, adding more words and phrases because I don't think you can call what I've got on the t-shirts so far designs, Anyway, check them out and show a sister some love, won't ya?

This morning, while my daughter and I were getting ready for the day, our dog did something she hasn't done in a very long time: She pissed on the floor. To say I was absolutely gobsmacked is an understatement. I really could not believe she had pissed on the floor even though I was looking at the yellow pool of urine. What's even more confusing about it is that she did it right next to her litter box. To really understand the enormity of this mistake, you've got to understand that this dog LIVES for getting treats after she's done her business in the litter box. Seriously, she'll go to the bathroom and just hang out at the litter box until someone notices her so she can look back and forth from her pee or poop to the person until she gets a treat. Anyway, I told her she was a bad girl and she was a bit cowed, but it's all very weird. She's probably a robot aliens used to replace my real dog.

November 06, 2007

It is entirely possible that in an attempt to activate this X11 option on my computer, I may have erased all my husband's files. Now, I don't say my files or my daughter's files, because I found all those. However, I can't find any of my husband's stuff. He had a lot of music and if that's gone, it's gone. He sold a lot of the CDs he had after putting them on the computer. We've got a friend coming over tonight to take a look and see what he can do, but we can only hope everything is still there. Now the computer does show the same amount of memory being used as before I tried my hand at Mac configuration wizardry. I would think that means everything is still there somewhere. Anyway, say a prayer for me because I don't want to get a divorce.

November 02, 2007

I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Between my daughter's birthday, family get togethers and volunteering for stage crew at the civic theatre, I can't catch my breath. I'm not complaining, but I feel like I'm in the inside of a tornado. We tried to feed the snake for the first time on Wednesday, and he wouldn't take it. So, I woke up Thursday morning to find a dead pinkie in the tank. I'm not squeamish about feeding live food to the snake, but I want it to take care of business when I do. It's not particularly easy watching that poor bald thing squirm around looking for body heat and a teat. And then it makes the little squeaking noises. My daughter said as we stood waiting to see if the snake would eat, "I feel sorry for the pinkie." Nature is cruel.