JayVicious

I have a son and daughter.
I have a fucked up sense of humor, I'm sarcastic and can turn about anything dirty and cuss like a sailor.
I listen music from all genres but mainly listen to rock n metal.
I like to read. way to many books to list that I have read and liked or would like to read.
Netflix hooks me in way to easy.
Video games are another thing I do in my spare time, MMO's on the PC have become my favorite. WoW being my main game I do play.
you can message me here if you like.

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

By Anonymous - /
Wednesday 22 July 2015 20:12 /
United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML