confused

My boyfriend of a year or so recently broke up with me. I know its for the best as he was emotionally abusive and had some issues as well with ptsd from the army.and i pushed him away as i do everyone. It has taken me a while to realize that but i understand now. But I still really love him i know he has some problems and i know deep down he is a good person if he would just let some one help him. His best friend and his parents no longer speak to him becuase of the way he treats people. He had an ex wife who he treated bad as well. Before we broke up we were aruing a lot i moved away to be with him and couldnt find a job so i was stressed out...and had recently lost my mom. When i moved out he helped me pack all my stuff and drove the moving truck for me ( i live 2 or so hours away ) to a storage and helped me un pack everything...not to mention paid for all the gas for the truck.... i had to drive him back and since it was a long drive i stayed to get some sleep and he kissed me on the cheek the next morning and bought me lunch before i left. i thought he was just being nice or feels guilty becuase the whole time he kept telling me how much he still loves me and how hard this is for him. He texted me that night and the next night from there we both have texted each other, the other day he told me he may have a job overseas he text me and was so happy ....i was happy for him and i recently got offered a job where he lives well were we lived too. it was from an old app i put in and he told me to take it.....huh....he will start the texts happy and then sometimes its like im bothering him. almost like he is waiting for me to tell him i want him back... im confused why is he even texting me and why he is happy one moment then irratated the next. I dont know maybye were playing games i dont know if we are being honest with each other...Im tired of the pain . Im not sure what he wants

"I'm confused why he is even texting me and why he is happy one moment then irritated the next." Well, being that he has a history of being emotionally abusive and suffers from PTSD this is of no surprise. No doubt this is another "game."

Sounds like you have carved a better life out without him and personally I would recommend leaving it that way. It was nice that he helped you and all but in my opinion that is the least he could have done after putting up with his emotional abuse. Wish him will and move on dear. Just don't respond to the texts.

I wouldn't be worry about what he wants, but concerned about what you need and deserve.

I agree. Don't wait around for him to call all the shots, move on with your life. Sometimes we have to walk away from someone we love because it's better and healthier for us. He may have helped you move because he was ready for you to be gone, he was just being nice or he feels guilty....but none of this matters. You say you're tired of the pain, only you can change this and are off to a good start. Live your life for you and what you want and deserve out of a partner. You certainly don't deserve the pain and unstable emotional condition he keeps you in with all the "guessing" as to what he wants. Keep moving forward towards the life you want. Best wishes.

Dear, I'm going to make a direct request and that is that YOU seek some counseling right away. Here is why---------- you mention early on that "you pushed him away like you always do" which speaks to your history. That means you have a history of difficult relationships. AND, it speaks of a childhood that might have been painful in some regard and you haven't worked through it emotionally. You are also attracted to a man that isn't healthy for you. HIS history is that he has botched relationship after relationship. He could have gotten help at any time up until now and hasn't. And I'd bet my life he has more going on than PTSD such as other mental health issues. PTSD is hard to deal with on its own by the way as it is diagnosable mental illness.

That you are wanting to be with him is very telling to me that you seek subconsiously unhealthy people. You have some sort of comfort zone there. We can tell you all day long that you should want a happy, emotionally healthy relationship but if you subconsiously seek something else, it is for not.

So this brings me back to the fact that I really feel you need a counselor. It may bring clarity and help you break any patterns or cycles you have that hinder a happy life.

Break ups are hard. They hurt when we still care for someone. Heck, they hurt even if we no longer care about someone but once did. They just are painful. Time usually heals. Give yourself time. Peace

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