Emmitt Smith's 2012 NFL Mock Draft - Picks 17-32

Last update: Sometime in the month of 2012. Next update: Who in God name would update the mark draft lot of time?

I'm really glad Emmitt's on Twitter. Once in a while, I get to a read a tweet like, "Here come's Mr. Woods. He's on his game today.This."

The way the sentence just ends with the word "this." The way the word "come" becomes possessive. It just brings a smile to the faces of those who follow Emmitt, which is crucial in this dreary world we live in.

Unfortunately, it's not the same as having Emmitt on TV. And as I always say, until someone hires him, I'll continue to pump out these Emmitt Mocks.

This is what a 2012 NFL Mock Draft would look like if Emmitt Smith created one. This is satire, so don't take this seriously. But please read it - Emmitt put blood, sweat and cry into it.

Cincinnati Bengals: Dough Martin, RB, Boise State
The Bengal have the quarterback in Andy Darton. They also have the receiving in A.J. Jones. Now, it's time to find the runnin' back. The Bengal had Cendric Benson last year, but he gone on to greener patches. They sign BenEllis Green-Jarvus in free agent, but he nothin' more than a back to have on the gold line.

Dough Martin come from the state of Boise. I look on the map of the United State of American to find where the state of Boise is locationed, but I cannot find itselves. Dough Martin very talented, but do he even have a college decree? Do he even go to university? And why do his parents name him after one of the three main ingridient in pizza? I think the Bengal will draft Dough Martin, but that do not mean I think they are makin' the right decisions!

San Diego Chargers: Stephen Hill, WR, Georgia Tech
The Charger losted Vincent Johnson in free agent, which mean the Charger do not have any receiving on the roster. They sign Robert Meachem in free agent, but he do not even do anythin' for the Saint, so how can he do somethin' for the Charger?

Philip River gotta be real mad right now. How bad? He turn from Philip River into Philip Lake! This mean that he become the sixth lake in the world. For those who do not know how to geography, there are five great lake - the Atlantic Lake, the Specific Lake, the Indiana Lake, the Alaska Lake and Lake Michigan. Now there is Lake Philip Lake to join themself!

Chicago Bears: Coby Fleenin', TE, Stanford
I write a preview for Walter Foot in the celebration mark draft about Coby Fleenin'. I know how copy and glue now, so let me do these:

Walter Foot ask me to write a preview for my upcomin' 2012 NFL Mark Draft. For those of you who does not know, a preview is like a review, only except the number P comin' before the review, which make it the preview.

Coby Fleenin' have the same name as the basketball player on the Los Angeles Lakes, Kobe Brian. It spelled different, but it have the same meaning, which is call a homophobe. But let me make somethin' clear. Just because Coby Fleenin' and Kobe Brian have the same name, do not mean they have the same family or relations. If you do not believe me, I meet a guy name Emmitt one day and he have a different family and DNA information. I have not ever meet him in my whole lives! He obviously not related to myselves, or I would have meet him earlier.

I original has Coby Fleenin' goin' to the Giant, but then somebody tell me that the Bear fire Mike March, so he can draft a tied end once again.

Tennessee Titans: Quinton Couples, DE, North Carolina
The Titan loose Julius Pepper in free agent a couple of month ago, so this pick make sense for three reason.

First of all, Quinton Couple come from North Carolina State University, which is the same college that Pepper come from. The Titan can replace one Star Heel with another ones.

Second of all, remember when I say that the Titan loose Pepper a couple of month ago? Well Quinton Couples name actually happen to match the word "couples," so it's a sign from the God or the astronomy. That make me a Tortoise for people whom like astronomy.

Cincinnati Bengals: Dough Martin, RB, Boise State
The Bengal have the quarterback in Andy Darton. They also have the receiving in A.J. Jones. Now, it's time to find the runnin' back. The Bengal had Cendric Benson last year, but he gone on to greener patches. They sign BenEllis Green-Jarvus in free agent, but he nothin' more than a back to have on the gold line.

Wait one seconds. Why do what I just wrotten seem familiar? It like I'm havin' deja view or somethin'. Maybe somebody need to smack me upside the head or somethin' because I swear I wrotten this earlier. I would check it, but the up button on my keyboard broken so I cannot scroll upside. I call America On The Line to fix these problem, but they just laughin' at me like I'm some kind of imbisult. I'm sorry, I am not very familiar with taxonomy. I do not even know how to plug cable box in. I'm lookin' for a long cable wire shape like a box like the instruction say, but I do not see it!

Cleveland Browns: None
Somethin' really befuzzle me about the mark draft. It seem like every year, some team in the mark draft have not one, but two pick. How do Roger Goodman not notice that somebody steal these pick!? He lay up the law on the Saint for payin' their player to chop other guys in half, but he do not crack up on the Brown stealin' a pick from the poor Atlanta Brave. What do the Atlanta Brave ever do to deserve these? That is why I am not going to mark a player to the Brown. He steal, and stealers never win, and winners never steal.

I mention the Saint issue earlier. As a former football player, this really brother me. When I play for the Cowboy, Jerry Jones come into the locker room and say he give us all lots of money if we win the Super Bowl. How is that any difference than what Gregg William say to his player? He want to give money for concussion? Why is that a big deal? I do not even know what concussion mean, but it do not sound too bad like tearin' an ACC or gettin' stabbed in the ear with a McDonald bag.

Detroit Lions: Michael Boxers, DT, LSU
I give up. Every year, I try to mark a player who not a defensive tackle to the Lion. Last year, I say that the Lion should try Da'Quan Bowsers, who name after the green wolf at the end of Super Mario Brother. The wolf and the lion are like brother and sister animal, so that is why Da'Quan Bowsers go to the Detroit Lion. This is great analysism, so I do not understand why the Lion do not follow my advice.

Every year, it is always the same thing. The Lion always take a defensive tackle even though they has Ndama Donkey Kong Suh up on the front line. Well, like the old sayin' go, if you can't beat em, try to beat someone else. I'm gonna let bygone be bygone and just give up. If the Lion want to take a defensive tackle every year, that is his problem. Michael Boxers make a lot of sense for himselves.

Pittsburgh Steelers: Mark Ingram, RB, South Carolina
My son, Emmitt Smith VI the Fourth show me how to print somethin' out on the computer. I press a key on the mice, and suddenly paper start comin' out from the other machine. Like I say before, I am challenge with toxicology, so I do not know how all these work, but it is amazin' what kind of whirl we live in!

But I digest. I print out a big board from a Web sight because I forgot the rest of the player in the mark draft, and I see the name "M.Ingram." What surprise! I thought Mark Ingram mark drafted last year to the Saint, but perhaps because Gregg William got into trouble, Mark Ingram have to go back into the mark draft. Luckily for the Steeler, whom just losted Rashan Mendenhalls to an injury, they get to rape the rewards. Like the wise man say, you rape what you snow.

Denver Broncos: Kurt Cousin, QB, Michigan State
The Bronco are caught in between a rock and another rock. He trade Tom Tebow to the Jet for some sort of pick, then he sign Peyton Manning, who had three surgery on his mouth. I hope he do not get a route canal because those thing really hurt.

But what do the Bronco do about the young quarterback? They have an old guy to throw the ball around, but they do not has a young guy just in case the old guy have to go to nursin' home. Well, now the Bronco can have their cakes and have it too.

Kurt Cousin come from Michigan University, home of the Spartan, which is a type of fish or bird, I forgot what I learn in college, I apology. It is not clear to me who's cousin Kurt Cousin happen to be, but maybe Kurt Cousin the cousin of Tom Tebow. Now talk about havin' the cake and havin' it too! The Bronco could have the cake, have it and drink it too!

Houston Texans: Rueben Rambles, WR, LSU
Rumor have it that the Texas want to draft a receiving for a long time because he only have one receiving, who is Andre Johnson.

I do not know how the rumor came around, but I can tell you for sure that I know them to be truth. The rumor come straight from the Texas braintrust - the brain that do not lie.

Rueben Rambles is the next player on the big board I print that I say earlier. To tell you the truth, I'm very fascination with the printer. Is it possible to print a picture of myselves? I want to call American On The Line to ask them about but I am afraid he just gonna laugh at me and embarrassment me again. I do not like to be embarrassment.

New England Patriots: Chris Pork, RB, Washington
The folk in New Zealand has not seened a good runnin' back for a very long time. Think about it for a year. Last year, the Patriot has BenEllis Green-Jarvus on the team. And before that they has Laurence Malone. And before that, they has Karl Malone. And before that, they has Corey Dillon, who was passed his prime, or over the mountain, as the sayin' go.

It is clear that the Patriot need a runnin' back because lookin' at the death chart, he only have a guy name Steven Riddle and Steve Vereen. There have never been a great runnin' back name Steve in the history of the National Football, so the Patriot must draft a runnin' back as soon as possibles.

Chris Pork, the guy from Washington, the capital of the United State of American, is a great fit on the Patriot offense. It is Taylor made for him which mean it was made by a man by Taylor. Or maybe woman name Taylor. I do not want to be sexism.

Green Bay Packers: Billy Winn, DE/DT, Boise State
You may lookin' at this mark draft pick and sayin, "Emmit, why you markin' a defense player to the Packer, who clearly win with offense?" You make think this sackreligious, which mean I believe in the sack. But I have three point to make about your commentary:

First of all, you spell my name uncorrectly. My name spell E-M-M-I-I-T-T. If you gonna criticize myselves, at least be respective and spell my name correctful next time.

Third of all, Billy Winn do not know how to spell his name. I look up the name "winn" in the dictionasurus, as it is only spell with one N; not two N.

Second of all, all Billy Winn know how to do is winn. If his name was Billy Loss, all he would know how to do was loss! So if the Packer want to get to the Super Bowls again, he gonna draft Billy Winn and hope that he win with only one N. Maybe he can even trade the N for a first-round pick in the 2013 mark draft, which at this raise gonna take me five year to do!

Baltimore Ravens: Mohamed Sand, WR, Rutgers
If you has not heard the news, Joe Falcon, the quarterback for the Raven, say he is the best quarterback in the National Conference of Football.

I hate to run on Joe Falcon's parade, but he is not the elitist quarterback that he make himselves out to be. I have five reasonin' for my reasonin':

First of all, when I play fantastic football with my two friend, Joe Falcon do not go in the first round of our fantastic football draft. If the Falcon really the elitist quarterback, why do he not go in the first rounds?

Second of all, Joe Falcon have never wonned a Super Bowl to my acknowledge.

Third of all, uhh... I forget.

And last but not last, Joe Falcon got draft by the Raven a couple of months ago. If the Falcon really elitist, then he would have got draft by the Falcon and not the Raven - unless his name Joe Raven, and he change it to trick everyone!

San Francisco 49ers: Coby Fleener, TE, Stanford
Jim Harbone coach at the Stanford State University a long time ago, and he gave birth to a tied end name Coby Fleener, who play with Andrew Luck at the college. If you connect the spots, you can see why the 49 need to draft Coby Fleener.

And here is another caviar: Alex Smith need a tied end. He already has Vernon David, but look at what the Patriot is doin'. He have two tied ends in Rob Gradkowski and Aaron Hernandez. The NFL a copydog league, so maybe the 49 try to copydog the Patriot by copydoggin' their offense which use two tied ends.

I mention that Alex Jones need two tied end. That is because he this close to bein' shopped out of town if he perform worser than he did in the doggone playoff. Alex Smith need all the help he can give because he delicate like flower - and flower the main ingridient when you cookin' a cake.

New England Patriots: Chris Pork, RB, Washington
Somebody ask me a very interestin' question the other year. I can't remember the exact word... if a tree fall in the forest, do it really fall?

This obviously very difficult question to answer, but it tie into this pick for the Patriot. If you notice, this is the second time the Patriot tryin' to draft in the mark draft. If you has not notice, he try to do this every month! Last year, the Patriot try to steal a pick, and the same thing happen in the month of 2011!

If the Patriot want to copy the pick, then I'm just gonna' give the same players to themself as punishment. How do you like them apple?

But the point have been made - Roger Goodman need to do somethin' about these because the Patriot just keep cheating all the time. It all started when Bill Belichick recorded sexual with the video tape and try to sell it on iBay. The Patriot got caught then, so I don't underatand why Roger Goldman do nothin' about these cheating this time. Someone on the Patriot gotta pay the pride!

New York Giants: Courtney Upshaw, DE, Alabama
Why some of the name in my mark draft has a blue or purple colorin', and other have black? Why Courtney Upshaw purple in my mark? Is it because he have a girl's name? Maybe he is a shemale in real life. If so, the purple colorin' reveal all of the other shemale in the mark draft like Stephen Hill, Matt Kalil, Lamar Millen and Andrew Luck.

That bein' says, I hope the Colt do not buy the luck machine from Wall Mart because if he do, he will find out that Andrew Luck a shemale, and then he goin' to draft Robert Griffith instead. And if the Colt do that, then I'm gonna have to start my mark draft over again with Robert Griffith at the top, and then it will take me another few year to do another update.

But the Giant can use a shemale because he always playin' the Patriot in the Super Bowls. What distract Tom Brady more than a shemale? Everybdoy know that Brady have a weakness for the fairer sexism, and since the Giant do not has any cheerleader, he might as well draft a shemale who can put pressure on the opposin' passing and also splash her breasts when Brady tryin' to make a pass.

And when that happen, we don't need to spend $19.995 on a luck machine to know that Brady have bad luck, which obviously mean he have bad luck.

@DMG @#$@ YOU BOL SON THE PATRIOTS ARE @[email protected] TRASH SON, YALL GONA LOSE IN THE PLAYOFFS AND YALLS @[email protected] GONA FIND ANOTHER TEAM TO LIKE SON. YALL PATS FANS ARE FAKER THAN KIM KARDASHIANS ASS SON!!!!!!!!!!!

Walter ranked Jamison Crowder as his #85th ppr wr as I saw on fantasypros.com. The next lowest rankin 35th and he was a consensus #18 overall. He then says that Phili corners are awful and to start Desean Jackson with no mention of Crowder...pretty awful advise. Btw, I started L Murray and will rest of year