A man’s brothers selflessly share in his successes and failures, viewing them as their own.

Men today have lost touch with what it means to be a man. The pilot light of their masculinity is still flickering, but the fuel source has been siphoned out by a society seemingly bent on extinguishing its flame altogether.

Today’s men come from boys who grow up without fathers present in the home. If there is a father in the home, chances are he’s soft in mind and body, passive, unwilling and unequipped to assert himself as the rightful leader of the family.

In the classroom, impressionable young boys are surrounded by women authority figures. They’re taught to loathe their innately masculine traits and engage in relationships from a feminine perspective.

As young men, it doesn’t get any better.

They’re shamed for such benign behaviors as disagreeing with women or sitting with their legs too far apart. Insufferable feminists have even invented shame-provoking words to describe men who engage in such behaviors, labeling them as mansplainers and manspreaders, respectively.

Male only spaces have all but been snuffed out. It’s become a formidable challenge for a man to merely find opportunities to engage in male-only discussions, let alone be afforded the chance to develop strong relationships with men whom he can build up and be built up by.

The sky-high rates of male depression and suicide are blamed on men being unwilling to share their feelings and confide in others.

How ironic it is that the same feminists and gender-denying “progressives” telling men to share more of their feelings are also the ones working to strip men of opportunities to develop strong bonds with other heterosexual guys who would best understand the struggles that are unique to them as men.

Given the cultural milieu in which we find ourselves, it’s more important than ever for today’s men to have a band of brothers whom they can confide in, trust to have their back through thick and thin, hold them accountable to a high standard, and exemplify what it is to live life as an authentic masculine man within a society filled with feminized, pussy-hat-wearing, #ImWithHer hash tagging, soy guzzling, barbell-phobic, excuses for men.

A man’s brothers selflessly share in his successes and failures, viewing them as their own. They’re willing to deliver harsh truths for his benefit. They drive him towards complete authenticity.

It is only in the company of other men that a man can truly find himself.

It is for this express reason that I’m writing what will be the first of many articles here on The Family Alpha. Hunter and I have driven a unified stake in the ground with a flag affixed to it that beckons men toward the reclamation of their authentic, masculine selves.

That banner waving in the wind, as ominous clouds continue to gather across the foreboding horizon, is The Family Alpha. It is a symbol that represents what is required in every man’s quest to find himself.

As it is written: Acta non verba. Action, not words.

As men, we must lead by our actions. Hunter and I have done that by building and leading a brotherhood 100 men strong in the Fraternity of Excellence. We are expanding the value that brotherhood offers with the 31 Days to Masculinity program kicking off in 8 days.

We are practicing what we preach, and it doesn’t end there.

This website is now a joint collaboration, a brotherhood between two men personally invested in the same overarching mission of calling married men to lead their families from a position of strength, confidence and competence.

Hunter and I are also kicking off The Family Alpha Podcast. While all men will gain value from the episodes we produce, it is a podcast that is specifically geared toward fathers and husbands.

That’s what Hunter and I are; that’s what we know; that’s who we’re uniquely positioned to help. I often harp on the necessity of men finding the value they have to give to the world and then committing to pouring it out.

This is precisely what is being done with The Family Alpha, and is the impetus behind the forthcoming launch of the podcast that bears the same name.

We are simply men helping other men to become better men.

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. That is what the brotherhood between Hunter and myself represents. It’s what the brotherhood we’re leading in The Fraternity of Excellence represents.

It’s what naturally happens between a man and his brothers.

Acta Non Verba,

Craig James

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We’re launching the next installment of 31 Days to Masculinity and celebrating the one year anniversary of #MenofMarch on March 1st 2018.

With each new installment the program has improved and grown. The last campaign was #DecemberofDiscipline and it had 220+ men working together throughout December to reclaim their authentic nature and enter 2018 with driven purpose and proven ability to live the way men were meant to live.

We plan to raise the standard further this March by including:

24/7 Chat Feature (engage one another in real time across the globe)

Daily Video Chat Explaining Each Challenge

Weekly Zoom Sessions (Video Chats)

Access to the Men in the Fraternity of Excellence

Free Digital Copy of 31 Days to Masculinity

Email Support

31 DtM Forum

Your membership is active until April 6th

See more in the video below.

I hope to see each of you inside the Fraternity’s walls and I look forward to each of us entering Spring and April 1st with our shoulders back and that fire of authentic living burning hot.

This March, build your tribe with other like minded men, forge your masculine network that will keep you accountable beyond these 31 days.

We will no longer cater ourselves to those around us. We must cultivate our masculinity and express our authenticity without concern.

Before you can create positive change in others, you need to be able to positively change yourself.

NOTE TO READER: This is the first guest post on The Family Alpha, and it was written by a man whom I greatly respect and take pride in hosting on my site. You would do well to heed the advice which follows below.

As you begin reading this you’re probably trying to justify why you aren’t a loser as well as rationalizing away the things wrong in your life, I know because I used to do it too.

Do me a favor:

Take off your shirt.

Go stand in the mirror.

Is this the body you want to inhabit for the rest of your life?

Probably not.

It was the great Socrates who said, ”It is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty and strength of which his body is capable.”

Extend what Socrates said about man’s body to include his mind, and his very soul.

Approach all aspects of your life with this in mind “it is a shame for a man to grow old without seeing the beauty of which a man is capable of”. Think about your job, your relationships, and anything else that gives you meaning and purpose.

Are you happy with your current trajectory?

By now you have an idea of what is wrong. This is good, because identifying the leaks lets you know which pipes to replace.

You are 100 pounds overweight?Good.

You can’t (won’t) leave your girlfriend even though she cheated on you?Good.

You can’t quit watching porn?Good.

The worst part about being a loser, is being a loser.

The best part about being a loser, is that it can be fixed.

How do you fix it?Good Question.

There is no sure-fire way to unfuck yourself and there is no great guru that has the necessary tactics to fix every warm body on the planet.

As much as I would like to help every man that comes to me, I can’t.

Sometimes I’m too busy in my personal life to give them the constant pep-talks they desire, sometimes they’d rather bitch and moan than put in the work, and sometimes I flat out fail.

That’s where I shoot the first of four bullet points in this short guide to unfucking yourself and becoming all that you as a man, not a God, can become.

1) Take ownership of your shortfalls

Be a man and own up to your mistakes.

You know the truth regardless of what your Facebook status update says, so take accountability for your actions. If you’re logging 8 reps and only get 7, you owe that last one to yourself at the end. I am my harshest critic when I make a mistake, but it’s that ability to admit it and make plans to correct it that will set you apart.

You will make great strides when you can admit you were wrong versus making excuses to why you failed.

2) Cut the head off your insecurities

Your fiancé slept with the entire baseball team in college and you can’t quit thinking about it? Sick, drop her. Would a winner really waste his time fucking with some loser broad? Nope.

Work on your fitness, we’ve already come to terms with you not liking your body. So, develop a plan and CRUSH IT. I promise you, it’s hard to give a fuck about anything when it looks like you were sculpted out of marble.

Work through your immutable insecurities, if y’all have seen my ears…oh lord have mercy. You can either be a little bitch and whine and cry or you can not give a fuck when it comes to things you can’t control; e.g. height, balding, facial structure

3) Manage your vices

There’s nothing quite like packing a lip of long cut wintergreen; I’m guilty of doing this somewhat regularly.

Completely cutting your vices out is damn near impossible, so I’ve learned to manage mine. I was a druggie loser 5 years ago, now I throw in a pinch of tobacco every once in awhile. It’s not that I’ve completely cut out all the negative things I do, it’s that I’ve taken them from a level where they controlled me to a level where I control them.

Nights of shooting painkillers up my nose have been replaced by a couple of cold beers while sitting around a camp fire. I say this in hopes that you realize that your porn addiction or your inability to quit smoking can be defeated.

4) Get the ball rolling

I like to think of success as a snowball rolling downhill, as you continue to do good deeds your snowball (success) grows in both size and momentum.

These good deeds can be smaller short term goals such as completing a workout, cleaning your apartment, or having the balls to start a conversation with the cute girl across the hall.
Make sure to accomplish daily/weekly goals while you work towards completing your long term goals, the long term goals will come easier as you continue to add momentum to that “snowball.”

Until you kill your ego the mirror will be distorted. See the reflection for what it IS and not what you WANT it to be.

Finally, I would like to add that, as you started reading, if you were that man in the mirror feeling disgusted, you are worthy of a better life. Becoming all that you can become doesn’t mean you have to be perfect.

We are men.

We must fight, struggle, and sometimes fall to get the things we want. Take this as your fall; you checked yourself, now it’s time to struggle and fight like hell.

Best of luck Gents,
Charlie

Final Word From Hunter On Charlie: He is a man who right now, is taking the fight to the doorsteps of our nation’s enemies. He is authentic and a man who is only getting started, look out for him in 2018 (Follow on Twitter)

Being a father in this day and age is no easy task, which is fine because if it were easy it wouldn’t be fun.

Many knowledge bombs and insights are shared in this discussion and both Rollo and I open up on our personal experiences, from before marriage all the way to where we are today. Along the way we offer advice to those who are currently parents as well as the men who see being a father in their future.

Give the Chat a listen and let me know what you think.

Acta Non Verba,
Hunter

If you’d like to support The Family Alpha, please consider donating via PayPal:

Before getting to the Fraternity, I want to take a literal approach to the title of this piece. Craig and I are both family men who are driven to raise the standard of fathers everywhere. We both found a way to flip the script society had written for us as married men on its head.

We’re supposed to be sexless, joyless, weaklings who have wives that berate us and children whom are raised by a screen, without a shred of respect for us, that we provide our paycheck to with thankless pride.

Negative.

We’ve both chosen the more difficult path of creating our own narrative, living life on our own terms, and while it requires significantly more time and energy, it doesn’t even feel like work, it feels like being a man doing what a man should do.

Raising our families, writing for this blog, recording for our Podcast, and leading the charge in FoE is simply what it is we do. The alternative to us, is death.

To walk through life in a completely apathetic manner makes death seem like relief.

We’d rather march forward and own what life throws our way.

It is in the joy and pride that we experience that the motivation behind our actions can be found. We have great families, are enjoying life, and see that this is not the norm, yet.

We are actively working to help the men who currently find themselves struggling to find purpose in themselves and their family. We disregard the narrative men are writing for other men saying that there is no room for marriage or families in today’s society. We do not subscribe to any group-think, we do us in a completely unapologetically authentic manner.

We are men leading families and we are throwing ropes to other family men in need.

Our focus of writing and discussions will be unique to what it is we know; masculinity, marriage, and fatherhood.

Our blog is based around these three themes and like any strong tri-pod, we dedicate equal focus to all three areas of our lives for the strongest foundation we can have in our own lives as well as in the message we are sharing with others.

Back to the Fraternity.

I initially stated that there is nothing a group of united driven men can’t do. That’s exactly what we have in the Fraternity of Excellence. Men who are actively working day in and day out to raise their standard of performance.

There are single men helping married men, older married men helping young playboys, and the reason this works is simple, men help men and masculinity is a universally understood trait.

We all are walking our own paths in life, but that does not men that you cannot converse with the man walking parallel to you, warning him of holes and dangers you faced. Nor does it mean that as you pass a man stuck in a hole that you cannot throw him a rope.

We are all in this together, what Craig and I have created here is but one rope that we are throwing to men.

There are many more to come, stand by.

Acta Non Verba,
Hunter

If you’d like to support The Family Alpha, please consider donating via PayPal:

There’s something to be said about the emotion associated with crossing the finish line.

It’s a time where you’ve accomplished a goal, you’re elated to of achieved this objective; but, this is only one of many goals and it isn’t the “ultimate goal”.

In the game of life, it is improvement and new experiences to the grave, death is the finish line.

Let’s take a step back from that Macro picture and look at the micro.

Look at the many victories which occur throughout our lives. What is the best way to handle them? What is the most optimal way to ensure that as we win, we are able to turn these victories into fuel for future growth and an understanding which can be used to prevent complacency or “resting on your laurels”.

Similar to making your money make money, you’ve got to make your victories create victories. Always remember, Success Begets Success.

How To Make That Happen

Crossing the finish line should be immediately accompanied with reflection on your performance and how you could have done better.

If you get the job you applied and interviewed for, you should look back and think on how you could have negotiated a higher salary, worked in a perk such as company vehicle, more vacation hours, the ability to telework, etc.

Keep the answers in mind or write them down for you to refer to when you do your next interview. You should never make the same mistake twice.

If you did well on your midterms/finals you should look at the grade and ask yourself which part did you struggle with; even if you aced the test, which part made you hesitate/take longer than the rest?

Next tie ensure that you spend the little extra reviewing the area which you are not naturally strong in.

Received your varsity letter? Great. How do you make State, All Stars, or get the scholarship to help offset the rising price of college?

Don’t just accept that you were selected from a group of athletes, find out how you can take it to the next level and get a leg up on the competition.

Real World Personal Example: I gave a speech which received a standing ovation and helped my fellow men at the 21 Convention.

My takeaway from the event?

I need to be more comfortable giving presentations in front of crowds.

All of these minor victories in life should lead to the greater development of self.

Each competition you enter (Job hunting, writing, a race, a fight, everything) even if won, should highlight an area which can be developed in your person.

It is only after this period of reflection and deep introspection that you should allow yourself to bask in the glow of victory.

I’m sure that before he threw his victory party with money and women galore, Floyd sat there and went through the entire fight in his head, thinking of where he went wrong and what he would do to prevent that from happening again.

The same goes for you.

There’s always something to be gained, make sure you’re taking the time to find out where you could improve before patting yourself on the back for how well you did.

Acta Non Verba,
Hunter

If you’d like to support The Family Alpha, please consider donating via PayPal:

Authentic masculine expression comes from the harmonization of the three different ‘selves‘ which exist inside each man.

These three aspects which comprise every man are:

Physical Self

Mental Self

Spiritual Self

Like any tripod these legs are all independent of one another yet are entirely dependent on the supporting strength the other two provide.

This is the exact same reason why Craig and I are balanced between the Fraternity of Excellence, this blog, and our Podcast. Each provides a different outlet for our personalities and the message we want to share.

If you are looking to live the most optimal of lives and achieve the greatest sense of physical strength, mental joy, and spiritual satisfaction, then each of these aspects to who you are as a man must be cultivated and a balance must be struck between them.

Have you seen the gurus who are entirely spiritual, yet would never be able to lift their fellow man if he were to fall as he simply does not have the strength?

What about the brilliant minds who can understand the most complex of formulas yet lack any ability to connect with those around them as they simply cannot tap into the spiritual connection which exists amongst all living things?

Lastly, have you seen the man who sculpts his body to replicate that of a Greek god yet he cannot tell you the last book he read or education he pursued?

These are simple stereotypes which I can find plenty of people who break the caricature, but you get my point. More often than naught, a man is exceptional in only one area ornone at all.

So how do you develop these three different aspects of the ‘self’? How do you reach and maintain harmonious levels within your heart, mind, and soul?

You know the answer, it’s always the same.

Hard Work

You don’t just get the life that you want, you’ve got to work for it. Nobody is going to hand you anything, you aren’t just going to become more intelligent, healthier, or happier by willing it.

No, you’re going to have to make yourself uncomfortable and you’re going to have to do the things you’ve been putting off.

This is the entire premise of my book 31 Days to Masculinity. When I wrote that month long program the aim wasn’t to get men laid or help them reveal their six pack.

Instead, I focused on the entirety of the man to help him rebuild himself without the influence of a weaksauce society. Similar to the 21 Convention, I set the goal of helping men develop every aspect of who they were, developing the ‘Ideal’ man as Anthony Johnson puts it.

This is why the book sends each man on a different journey, what he has to do to get himself to optimal living if different than what you’ll have to do. Each journey is unique, but there are some universal overlaps and that is what this essay is about.

When you work to develop your physical, mental, and spiritual self you’ll find that the challenges you face, the pieces you find easier/more difficult, and final results are going to be entirely unique to you. Yet, the other men who also go through this transformation will understand exactly what you feel as they’ll of experienced the same thing, differently.

Physical

Without resistance, the body will not grow. Without putting stress on the body, you’ll never be able to appreciate the beauty of it nor will you ever know what it is capable of.

There are plenty of men out there who watch movies and think to themselves, if that happened to me I’d rise to occasion.

If you’re one of those guys, I’d like to ask you, why do you think you can do those things, have you practiced any of them? Have you put yourself in those situations in a training environment? Or, as is the case with most, you just assume you’ve got the natural skillsets to do what takes others years to achieve at the whim of fortune?

Our body adapts to the stress placed on it. I’m not going to tell you what it is that you must create with regards to programming as I know nothing about you. You’re reading my blog and are a man, that’s all I know at this moment.

I don’t care what your program is, I don’t care if you choose to implement a mixed martial art or running, and I don’t care the frequency, intensity, or preference you may have. Lift weights, get active, and ensure that you’re putting your body in motion and that you’re recording your results so that you can look at trend analysis and adjust the programming accordingly for the most efficient means of training without injury.

Remember, you cannot ‘out exercise‘ a bad diet.

This means that you must pay considerably more attention to what it is that you’re putting into your body.

Proper nutritional programming is essential for sustained superior output. Again, I don’t give a shit what your diet looks like so long as you’re ensuring it is high quality and conducive to a healthy body. Your physical, mental and spiritual self are completely dependent upon what it is they are using for energy.

TL;DR: Put good fuel into your body.

Do not let focus on the food cause an oversight on the importance of the fluids you’re consuming. Water is essential, it is the only thing that you have to have, all else is optional. Some find supplementing their water with electrolytes or other vitamins helps keep the intake from feeling monotonous. It’s much easier to drink a gallon of water a day if you’re enjoying each sip.

It is this combination of proper stress, fuel, and hydration that you’ll crate your most optimal physical self, and each of those also plays into the health and capability of your mental self.

Mental

It seems to me that the majority of men out there know that their minds are in shambles, yet they have no fucking clue how to fix it. So they add more to it, create more stuff, and fill it with more thinking that they’re lacking in something.

In order to reach the greatest heights and develop the strongest mental ‘self’ you can, you’ve got to remove the unessential. Get rid of the shit that is clogging up your daily life. Not just inside your head, but the environment in which your head spends its time as well.

There is a reason I deleted my Facebook.

I could make more $$$ if I went onto that platform with TFA, but there is no fucking way because Facebook bogs my mind down. Seeing people ‘act‘ happy, while living miserable lives was driving me insane. Instead of keeping fakebook to stay in touch with my Navy brothers across the country, I just deleted it.

What’s the point?

I chose facebook as my example because that is what a lot of people find themselves getting caught up on.

You’re watching other people do shit and comparing your life to theirs and it is absolutely detrimental to your mental well-being.

It doesn’t have to be facebook though, your mental clutter could be:

Seeking approval from your parents.

Keeping the wife happy

Playing it ‘safe‘ and doing what you’re “supposed” to do

Keeping up with the Jones’s

Trying to control things you have no control over

Giving Time Vampires your most valuable resource – Your Time

Confusing accumulation of ‘stuff‘ as accumulation of happiness

Identifying with MSM or Politics

Avoiding confrontation with who you are vs who you want to be

Living in the mold created by society

Each of these things plagues plugged-in men in society, some more than others. The fact is, until you tackle whatever issues you’ve built in your mind, you’ll never achieve the optimal level of mental health.

I’m not happy all of the time, but I’m a happy dude. I’m happy because there is no clutter in my mind anymore.

How did I reach this point?

I faced my demons head on

Not only did I go through and delete people, things, stuff from my life which I did not find value, but I also removed physical pieces of ‘stuff’ from my home.

If there is clutter in your bedroom, how can you sleep peacefully?

If your writing area is a mess, how can you remain focused when writing?

If your living room looks like it came from a magazine, how can you say it represents who you are as a man?

You don’t have to live life as a minimalist, but more does not equal better. You should be able to look at everything in your home and know its purpose and value to your life immediately. If you don’t know why you have three different sets of fine china or why you have so many photos and paintings on your walls, remove them.

You have to take that same approach to what is going on between your ears. Let the mind freely wander and as you find old grudges, resentment, fears, desire to please others, etc. Throw it out.

You’re done with it, you’ve made it this far but you aren’t going any further so long as you carry this excess mental baggage around.

Toss it

Watch how much lighter your mental self feels once you face these things and remove them, watch how much more you smile.

People said I was insane and weird for deleting facebook. As soon as I did it I realized how many friends I didn’t have and it was liberating.

There is a reason I’ve been able to avoid the pitfalls which are so often associated with marriage and fatherhood.

I don’t play by the same rules as others and my mental self is flourishing because of it. Give yourself that gift, give yourself the gift of freedom to live authentically. Once you establish these new habits while removing the old toxic ones, you’ll find that you’re not only happier, but more connected to not only your true ‘self’, but also your fellow man and your environment as a whole.

This is where the spiritual self is found, this is the aspect of man that the world admires, other men respect, and women will never truly understand.

Spiritual

The most recent example of a man combining the three aspects of his masculine self can be seen in the Las Vegas shooting.

You see, this goes beyond specific religions; it is the spiritual aspect of our masculinity which makes us appreciate the beautiful delicacy of a flower, the innocence of children, the godlike power of the feminine, the brotherhood among all men, and the human connection between all people.

In my recent essay A Beautiful Suicide I wrote about Sonny Melton, a man who heard gunshots and did not panic (His Mental Self Was Strong), so he wrapped himself around his wife as they ran from the shooting (His Physical self was strong) he was shot and killed, his wife lived. Something we have to recognize, was his decision to put her out of harm’s way, his decision that if someone was going to die, it was going to be him, this shows that his Spiritual self was strong.

The same goes for Taylor Winston, the Marine who stole a truck to save lives. His Mental made the decision to steal the truck, Physical enabled him to move bodies, but it was his Spiritual which propelled him to act and save others instead of just himself in the first place. Without a healthy balance between the three, this man would remain unknown and at least 30 more people would be dead.

Men are disposable

Men carry the burden of performance

Women and Children get on lifeboats before men

We are ok with all of this because we see the beauty and value there is in those who bring life into the world and we know that if there is anyone who is going to have a fighting chance to survive the shots, sinking of a ship, or fight it is going to be a man.

A man is willing to die for what it is he believes in. A man is going to reach out to complete strangers and dedicate his time and energy to their success because he feels the connection all men share. What do you think The 21 Convention was all about?

The speakers there gave very valuable time pro bono to help their fellow man because they give a shit about the mission.

When I’m in my Jeep I’ll often lose myself to just feeling the breeze and cruising, no music (sometimes it’s level 10 – not always) while other times I’ll appreciate the flavor of a whiskey, the sound of my kids laughter and screaming as they pile out of the house to open my Jeep door and greet me.

We’re all connected and I’d argue men are more empathetic, while delivering in a much harsher tone than women. A woman is motherly, a man will slap you down then build you up – is either better?

No

The masculine and feminine are complementary to one another

But this is for the men from a man. If you want the most from your spiritual aspect of being a man, you have to start connecting with others. There is too much hate in this world, and it comes from a place of self-loathing.

When you feel how good life can be, you want to share that and help others reach the same point, it’s literally what I’m doing now.

Instead of trying to rise by pushing others down, act like a tide that lifts every boat higher while rising yourself.

Before you mock, disparage, or demean another, realize you’re killing the spiritual connection in yourself. If someone deserves your wrath, it is better to straight up nothing them.

The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.

If you want more than you have, you’ve got to start doing things differently. You have the life you deserve, if you want to reach optimal levels of living and get more from each day you’re granted the privilege to enjoy, then you need to harness and bring balance to your physical, mental, and spiritual Self.

Acta Non Verba,
Hunter

If you’d like to support The Family Alpha, please consider donating via PayPal: