I believe that mathematics should be taught, not collaboratively explored; algebra and geometry are better than a vague course of Integrated Math; spiraling doesn't work nearly as well as learning it properly the first time; "I don't DO math" should be an incentive rather than an excuse. "I don't DO English" should be treated the same way.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

The company that vowed to "Do no evil" has really crapped the bucket with SideWiki. For those who aren't aware, SideWiki is a completely open wiki-type commenting system that appears on the side of your website.

Users who install the Google toolbar can leave comments on any website - any comments - without any kind of control or moderation by the website owner, blogger, etc.

If you are the leading provider of services in an area, paying Adwords lots of money (or even if you aren't and don't) then one of your competitors, disgruntled employees or just an idiotic teenager with a warped sense of humor can write comments on your frontpage.

Yep. The page you spent money for (or time and effort) can now be hijacked by anyone:

link to their own page.

say negative or slanderous things.

demean your product.

They always had the option of using twitter or myspace or any one of a thousand review sites, but never before could they actually do it right on your website.

There is no way to erase them. There is no way to block them without using complex workarounds. You can't even post your own opinions in the SideWiki on your page without first proving that you are really the owner of the page.

EUGENE VOLOKH ON DATA SHARING AND CLIMATE RESEARCH, though this sentiment applies to all research. This is how peer review works. It is why we know that fusion power is not yet commercially viable, that perpetual motion machines don't and that certain medicines are dangerous or effective.

My inclination would be to say that data should nearly always be shared. If you share your data, this lets others check the conclusions you draw from the data, as well as verifying the accuracy of the data against other available sources. They might disprove your arguments, or lead you to improve your arguments, or, if they reproduce your results, they might help prove the validity of your arguments. But in either case, science progresses better, and the decisions made based on the science are more reliable, than if you keep the data secret.
I can see some possible exceptions, for instance where there are concerns about the privacy of research subjects, or where the data was gathered as part of a commercial endeavor that requires that the data be kept proprietary for the commercial project to be viable, or some such. Even there I stress that the exceptions are merely possible; perhaps on balance the data should be shared even then, and in any event, even if there’s a good reason for the data not to be shared, people should view the research skeptically because of the lack of sharing.

Friday, November 27, 2009

I'm not a fan of those such as Jenny McCarthy who run around trying to scare people into forsaking vaccines and known cures in favor of holistic medicine and other proven-to-be-pointless non-working treatments. The polio vaccine has saved countless children but Jenny is certain that it caused autism in her child so she campaigns against it. Not that she has any scientific evidence for that, of course. Not that she doesn't constantly rail against "scientific evidence" as if repeating the words will somehow turn them into blasphemy.

“I do believe sadly it's going to take some diseases coming back to realize that we need to change and develop vaccines that are safe. If the vaccine companies are not listening to us, it's their fucking fault that the diseases are coming back. They're making a product that's shit. If you give us a safe vaccine, we'll use it. It shouldn't be polio versus autism.”Jenny McCarthy in Time Magazine, April 2009

Learn science, people. Do proper research. Trust logic.

I have had students tell me that the government is just trying to make money off the swine flu vaccine, that it'll just make you sick, that it'll cause all kinds of things. Then, of course, they get in a car and drive like idiots so I'm not terribly surprised that they can't take this seriously. At least the vast majority of the students in our school have gotten the shot a couple weeks ago.

Parents looking at elementary school report cards this week in Spokane are seeing 4-3-2-or-1 instead of A-B-C-D-or-F. Schools have switched to a number-based grading system they say better records student standards and assessments.

After three years of testing at six schools, the new system was implemented this year at all elementaries in the Spokane district. A learning services specialist who led the change, Tammy Campbell, says number grading gives parents a clearer picture of where their child stands.

This is SOOO much better. Now, you can't just assign a fake and inaccurate A, B or F. Instead, you have to give a much more authentic and fairer 4, 3, 2, or 1.

And I've always appreciated the "1=Below" being somehow different from the "2=Approaching but still below." Aren't all failing students below standard students "approaching" the standard? Does anyone think that giving a kid a "1" is going to make anything any better than giving him an "F"?

EdWeek has an article on this. It's behind a login portal, but they made it available for a while.

Essentially, they argue that the value of a math major for middle teaching is small but noticeable. I'm not surprised that there isn't much benefit. People who enjoy math enough to major in it are not usually the ones who can deal with teaching kids how to add fractions. They are also VERY unable to deal with other teachers who insist on using calculators instead of teaching long division.

What we need, however, are elementary and middle school teachers who are capable of doing higher level math and who understand what's going on.

When one type of assessment fails too many students, the response is "Let's change the teaching." When too many still fail, it's "Let's blame the teachers for not changing." When the scene doesn't improve, we then try to game the system and teach to the test "Let's teach test-taking skills using the released questions." If we are STILL not making the grade, we change the test and measure the students differently: "Testing without testing."

Portfolios.

We claim it's "more authentic" and a "21st century skill" and all that, but it's just misdirection. They're "fairer" and "more meaningful" only because they artificially raise the scores.

Portfolios are not necessarily the students' work (parents and teachers help, books are consulted), aren't as structured or as difficult, are usually the four or fifth rewrite (with so many specific corrections that the student's voice is lost), and most importantly aren't definite -- anything that looks good goes in, anything that doesn't, won't. How can one fail under those conditions?

"Teachers document learning throughout the year in a binder of class work, including worksheets, quizzes and writing samples." When you have such an obvious selection bias, don't be surprised if the final numbers are off. In this case, higher than they probably should be if you are actually expecting that the students know the same things as students in other jurisdictions.

Let's focus on this paragraph:

Last year, students tested with portfolios outperformed classmates who took multiple-choice tests in Fairfax. Students with disabilities surpassed schoolwide pass rates in reading or math tests in more than a dozen schools. Students learning English were far more likely to score in the highest performance tier on the reading test, which measures knowledge of language arts concepts such as metaphor and plot, than their native-speaking peers. Overall, English-learners and students with disabilities charted 20- and 18-point gains respectively in reading pass rates, compared to a six-point gain for the division.

and if you don't admit it, then you have a problem. But if you admit it falsely in order to get a teaching license, you are confessing to a problem and that's a problem.

I can understand it when an alcoholic is forced to admit his alcoholism in order to begin healing. Denial of said problem by someone who is obviously an alcoholic is a clear indicator that the person is not on a road to healing alcoholism. It is NOT, however, a sign of alcoholism.

A person can deny alcoholism and be right.
A person can deny alcoholism and be in denial.
Let's please try to remember that.

Substitute "racism", "bigotry" or "misogyny" for "alcoholism" and you have this:

Do you believe in the American dream -- the idea that in this country, hardworking people of every race, color and creed can get ahead on their own merits? If so, that belief may soon bar you from getting a license to teach in Minnesota public schools -- at least if you plan to get your teaching degree at the University of Minnesota's Twin Cities campus.

In a report compiled last summer, the Race, Culture, Class and Gender Task Group at the U's College of Education and Human Development recommended that aspiring teachers there must repudiate the notion of "the American Dream" in order to obtain the recommendation for licensure required by the Minnesota Board of Teaching. Instead, teacher candidates must embrace -- and be prepared to teach our state's kids -- the task force's own vision of America as an oppressive hellhole: racist, sexist and homophobic.

The task group is part of the Teacher Education Redesign Initiative, a multiyear project to change the way future teachers are trained at the U's flagship campus. The initiative is premised, in part, on the conviction that Minnesota teachers' lack of "cultural competence" contributes to the poor academic performance of the state's minority students. Last spring, it charged the task group with coming up with recommendations to change this. In January, planners will review the recommendations and decide how to proceed.

The report advocates making race, class and gender politics the "overarching framework" for all teaching courses at the U. It calls for evaluating future teachers in both coursework and practice teaching based on their willingness to fall into ideological lockstep.

The first step toward "cultural competence," says the task group, is for future teachers to recognize -- and confess -- their own bigotry. Anyone familiar with the reeducation camps of China's Cultural Revolution will recognize the modus operandi.

The task group recommends, for example, that prospective teachers be required to prepare an "autoethnography" report. They must describe their own prejudices and stereotypes, question their "cultural" motives for wishing to become teachers, and take a "cultural intelligence" assessment designed to ferret out their latent racism, classism and other "isms." They "earn points" for "demonstrating the ability to be self-critical."

The task group opens its report with a model for officially approved confessional statements: "As an Anglo teacher, I struggle to quiet voices from my own farm family, echoing as always from some unstated standard. ... How can we untangle our own deeply entrenched assumptions?"

The goal of these exercises, in the task group's words, is to ensure that "future teachers will be able to discuss their own histories and current thinking drawing on notions of white privilege, hegemonic masculinity, heteronormativity, and internalized oppression."

Future teachers must also recognize and denounce the fundamental injustices at the heart of American society, says the task group. From a historical perspective, they must "understand that ... many groups are typically not included" within America's "celebrated cultural identity," and that "such exclusion is frequently a result of dissimilarities in power and influence." In particular, aspiring teachers must be able "to explain how institutional racism works in schools."

After indoctrination of this kind, who wouldn't conclude that the American Dream of equality for all is a cruel hoax? But just to make sure, the task force recommends requiring "our future teachers" to "articulate a sophisticated and nuanced critical analysis" of this view of the American promise. In the process, they must incorporate the "myth of meritocracy in the United States," the "history of demands for assimilation to white, middle-class, Christian meanings and values, [and] history of white racism, with special focus on current colorblind ideology."

What if some aspiring teachers resist this effort at thought control and object to parroting back an ideological line as a condition of future employment? The task group has Orwellian plans for such rebels: The U, it says, must "develop clear steps and procedures for working with non-performing students, including a remediation plan."

And what if students' ideological purity is tainted once they begin to do practice teaching in the public schools? The task group frames the danger this way: "How can we be sure that teaching supervisors are themselves developed and equipped in cultural competence outcomes in order to supervise beginning teachers around issues of race, class, culture, and gender?"

Its answer? "Requir[e] training/workshop for all supervisors. Perhaps a training session disguised as a thank you/recognition ceremony/reception at the beginning of the year?"

When teacher training requires a "disguise," you know something sinister is going on.

Katherine Kersten is a Twin Cities writer and speaker. Reach her at kakersten@gmail.com.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Everyone seems to be all up in arms about this but I don't agree. I think the football players should be able to legitimately get a credit in football.

One credit. Two. It doesn't really matter.

I got a credits for athletics when I was in college - kayak was 1 and archery was another. We had to have two PE credits. You showed up. You learned a few terms, shot a few flights, took a silly multiple choice exam. It was a nice break from the 18-21 mechanical engineering credits per semester (on top of the ROTC and the stuff for commissioned officers).

What's the big deal? I like it that the rest of the school can have its courses without the lunkheads slowing everything down. They would never have made it to college other than for football, so it's not like they're being deprived of anything. Any players who do have brains will get their education regardless of what the lunkheads do.

With all the people majoring in FillinTheBlank Studies or some other touchy-feely joke, I can't think that 100 football players is going to skew the median all that much.

"They made a porn movie about Sarah Palin, and the same actress, Lisa Ann, played me in the porn version of 30 Rock. Weirdly, of the three of us, Lisa Ann knows the most about foreign policy."-- Tina Fey, speaking at Ad Council gala

Saturday, November 21, 2009

In a slight digression, I pass on the story of an Eagle Scout and some truly stupid administrators. I can't decide whether I consider these idiots "Ineffective" because they will forever misunderstand the true meaning of discipline, perspective and working with and teaching students or if they are "Effective" in their rigid adherence to regulation.

I can remember when hunting season meant that an occasional student would hunt before school and then walk to school. He'd have to store his shotgun in the office (in my experience) but some older teachers recall kids just putting them in their lockers. Certainly, any kid lucky enough to drive to school simply left it on the rack in the truck. No one thought much of it.

Intent should come into play here. Walk in with a Bowie knife and brandish it in the face of someone you're shouting at -- that's serious. Walk in with a baseball bat and do the same thing -- that's serious. Walk in with a new baseball bat to show it to the coach who's also your history teacher -- who cares?

On Wednesday night, the Lansingburgh Central School District board of education rejected Whalen's appeal of the punishment and decided not to expunge the blemish on the record of the Eagle Scout suspended for having a pocketknife in his car while the vehicle was on the grounds of Lansingburgh High School.

Whalen received a 20-day suspension in September after he turned over to school administrators a 1 1/2-inch knife that he kept in his glove box as part of a car survival kit. He returned to school in October.

Whalen has said he does not know how school officials learned he had a pocketknife in his car, but suspects another student may have tipped off administrators in an attempt to pull a prank on him.

School officials, who did not respond to requests for comment, have said Whalen violated the school district's zero-tolerance policy because he brought a weapon on to school grounds and that the suspension was an appropriate response. The case raised national furor when Whalen went on two separate national Fox News programs to discuss the penalty. He worried that the action could hurt his chances of getting into West Point.

He said he never realized the school considered the keychain knife a weapon. He said his grandfather Robert Whalen -- who recently retired as police chief of the Hoosic Falls Police Department -- gave him the folding knife to use in his car after they used it to cut wires while installing a car radio.

Whalen was given a Lifesaving Heroism Award by the Boy Scouts of America at age 13 after he performed CPR on his aunt, saving her life. He said he carries water bottles, a sleeping bag and a change of clothes in his 1999 Mercury Sable in case it breaks down. He considered the key-chain knife part of that preparedness kit.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Fire Drill? Everyone just go mingle on the athletic field. The faculty can take roll and the assistant to the VP can wander aimlessly about. At some point, you exit the building and casually call the school back in. After all, you are the HIP one here.

Why should you bother to make a fire drill/evacuation plan that organizes everyone? Nothing will happen. There won't really be a fire. Fire, Schmire.

N.B. I'm not ragging on cops here. I understand that they have to do their jobs in a world of lawyers who delight in hanging cops by their words, so they HAVE to be careful. Principals need to keep things in perspective. Using cop-speak is a sign of a good cop but not a good administrator. Then its a sign of a highly ineffective principal.

Sandra said "I'm wondering if DI is thinking of the same teachers I am who are perfectly happy to keep photocopying the same originals (or multiply-copied copies) they've used for 20 years, and who balk at the request to re-type them and make them available to other teachers digitally."

Before I ask for a teacher to be fired over this, I wonder if someone could explain exactly how much of this makes a difference in that teacher's classroom? Does re-typing something improve it? If that old map is still useful and correct, use it. If that hand-written worksheet still works, what is the need for change? (I am assuming it is legible. In fact, I note that many items deliberately use a handwriting font for student interest and understanding - maybe we should hand-write them sometimes?) If someone else wants to use it, why is a teacher required to put it in a convenient form? Why can't the recipient do that work?

We are too often changing without knowing that the result will be an improvement. I am very uncomfortable with forcing people to upgrade or perish.

I am in favor of technology and all the teachers I know are as well. What I disagree with is the notion that new is necessarily better and that teachers who don't jump into the bleeding edge are somehow deficient.

Sandra also asks "In addition to only using their word-processing programs for the most basic purposes, these teachers also refuse to learn how to use basic email and student grade software themselves, and either find someone more tech-savvy to give them their own personal tutorial session or insist that the school give them one."

This is a better point. I cannot imagine someone refusing to learn email. I can see the reluctance to learning gradebook software on their own. Many of those grading programs are garbage. The flaws are legendary and the implementations are often a joke. The interfaces are counterintuitive and cumbersome.

One school locally has a grading program that takes forever to use because of all the "wizards" it pops up, and then there is a different, on-line, system that the teachers HAVE TO MANUALLY RE-TYPE data into. Oh, and they're required to keep a paper gradebook and lesson plan book as well because the Principal wants to be able to review them. Any wonder why these folks don't bother doing more than one grade per marking period on-line? The retreat into "I want training" is pretty reasonable - it's a way of putting off the pain.

Then we have a philosophical question. If something is new, why should people be denied training in how to use it? Like Sandra, I am the teacher people ask for help because the tech guys are non-existent and useless. Why me? I spend hours on this stuff - I like it. I run websites with thousands of pages and I've been doing programming for years. I know how programmers think and I can teach.

Most people take a bit of time - I try for a two-hour window during the August inservice so I can get everyone done at once. It's a lecture with each teacher at a workstation. You can leave them to explore the software (taking 10 to 20 times as long to find 10 to 20 percent of the stuff they need) and do collaborative learning or 21st century on-line learning, ...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

21st Century Skills, as promoted, are not effective without a command of some basic factual information. If you don't know any factual material, a few minutes on Google may or may not get you relevant facts. Then, of course, the student who has no knowledge cannot evaluate what facts are found, cannot compare the new knowledge to the old, cannot "stand on the shoulders of giants". An hour's worth of Powerpoint and some multimedia cribbed from Google images won't hide that lack, which is why I refer to it as Glitzenbullshit.

One commenter replied to an earlier post that
"There is a reason why the U.S. scores 35th in the world in math. It is because the rest of the world is embracing inquiry and prioritizing 'flexible' thinking...while we are still preparing to compete in the industrial age."

I'd really like to know how he arrived at this cause-effect relationship.

The US averages must naturally include many schools that have made these changes to a 21st Century Focus -- I would maintain that it is precisely because so many of our schools have changed to 21stCS that our averages have declined on tests like PISA and TIMSS. These tests don't measure 21stCS sets; they measure factual information and basic skills.

It is not, perhaps, indicative of a 'good education', but until you define THAT and determine what such should entail, you cannot use a fact-based international test to determine superiority or otherwise.

I would also point out that the whole concept of comparison conveniently ignores the fact (there's that dirty word again) that many nations to which we compare ourselves have much more homogenous culture and demographics, and most have a national curriculum and province-wide, if not national, control over schools. Almost all of the "great" successes have nationwide testing programs to finish off school. The final product is much more amenable to testing like PISA.

When I compare students and programs, talk with ex-students, visit colleges and speak with professors and admissions, converse with tradesmen and businessmen, I find one thing across the board. Success in college, life and careers is correlated more closely with schools that stressed facts and knowledge first and then blended in communication, information, literacy and critical thinking skills. Any school that tried to do it the other way invariably and ultimately did a disservice to its students.

You must purchase a very expensive piece of software if you want to be a HIPster. This software is called a SIS, which is short for Student Information Software.

This software is vital; you cannot be a proper principal without being able to spend hours looking through the data. How else will you be able to notice that Mr. C's classes are failing the state tests and they are failing his class? How else will you make the leap to the realization that Mr. C. is a lousy teacher?

Do not accept his reasoning when he says, "When you have a class full of 10th graders who really should have been 11th grade but failed everything last year; when those same kids are absent 20%-50% of the days; when those kids even tell you to shove it where the sun don't shine ... what did you expect?"

Simply reply that you are running an "outcome-based education system and the only outcome you'll accept is passing grades for all students."

After all, the SIS (and therefore you) is infallible. The teacher must be at fault.

Monday, November 16, 2009

You've got the budget requests for your departments? Send them back with a request to cut the budgets 25% because "It's really tough out there right now."

Once the budgets are in and fixed, spring the new courses on them so they panic over buying new course materials. Then, submit the budgets late so the School Board "trims the fat" with a heavy knife instead of with due consideration.

When everyone is furious and seething, splurge on new office furniture, computers and software for the office (remember that $35,000 Student Information System you didn't really need?) -- because hey, it's in YOUR budget.

In many job sectors, employees are expected to keep up with relevant technologies or risk job loss. When do we require that of K-12 and postsecondary educators? At what point do we say to them “No, we’re not training you how to use this. It’s easy enough for you to learn on your own. And if you don’t, we’ll find someone else who can.”
When will we, as educational systems, redefine the job descriptions and expectations of educators to include their regular and effective incorporation of relevant digital technologies?

Like many bloggers and opinionators, DI has it wrong. There are precious few teachers who aren't technologically capable. We all use technology every day. We call on cell phones, use computers, drive cars, download things from the Internet, use graphing calculators, SmartBoards and other technology. The level of use is different, but we're ALL living in this world now.

Who defines your acceptable level? Who decides that it isn't enough? Who has actually made sure that more technology is actually USEFUL in the classroom setting? Will it be Techno-geek boy or an actual teacher in a school like Packemin High School? To accept a definition like this from someone who has such an obvious axe to grind is like calling on the Oil Companies to write an energy bill for Congress. (Oh, wait ...)

A commenter says "The obvious next question is: If we are successful in changing job descriptions to include integrating 21st tools and resources, how do we fairly assess teacher performance?"

to which I respond:

The students need to know what they are doing - that's called knowledge of subject. Those 21st century skills are mostly Glitzenbullshit, a tool that kids can pick up at any time. People like this commenter are changing the subject out of ignorance.

As Peter Berger (Poor Elijah's Almanac) says,

The high-powered Partnership for 21st Century Skills still preaches this same doctrine, euphemistically arguing that we need to "emphasize deep understanding rather than shallow knowledge."

Unfortunately, without deep knowledge, the best you can have is a shallow understanding. Without any knowledge, meaning facts, any understanding you think you have is illusory, baseless, and void.

...

You can't attain understanding without knowledge, and you can't acquire knowledge without mastering facts. You can't skip the grunt work, even if it's often dull and painstaking. That's true in any discipline. Our children need to realize and accept this. So do the experts who mastermind our schools. So do we all. That's the new angle on teaching and learning that we desperately need. More gimmicks won’t help.

True, grappling with facts and turning them into knowledge can be hard work.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Under the Federal Food, Drug, and Cosmetic Act, a substance added intentionally to food (such as caffeine in alcoholic beverages) is deemed “unsafe” and is unlawful unless its particular use has been approved by FDA regulation, the substance is subject to a prior sanction, or the substance is Generally Recognized As Safe (GRAS). FDA has not approved the use of caffeine in alcoholic beverages and thus such beverages can be lawfully marketed only if their use is subject to a prior sanction or is GRAS. For a substance to be GRAS, there must be evidence of its safety at the levels used and a basis to conclude that this evidence is generally known and accepted by qualified experts.

Which leads me to wonder whether any of the nerds at FDA have ever actually had a drink. Let's see: Kahlua, anyone? How about drinking a cup of coffee to try and sober yourself up?

Okay, maybe I'm being unfair. They photographed it on cheap purple plastic astroturf and that NBA logo is so wrong. Let's try another view:

Meh. Could be worse, I suppose. Blocky, garish, heavy as hell (but that's the point), loaded with way too many mini-diamonds (bling!). I remain unconvinced. How about a side view?

Ooooooh. Isn't that clever? They laser-etched the player's face into the ring. This is possibly because the players can't read their names and will need to identify the ring if lost? No, that can't be it. The team has super-duper secretly etched a tiny "L" into the ring somewhere to identify it with a ultra-secret password-y id number written down on a piece of magic paper in a vault somewhere. Why? Because you might mistake it for another ring just like it?

Did you notice the special detail? The shape of the upper part is exactly like the Staples Center roof. Can't you hear it? "Look, ma ... this is where I play ... and this is my face."

Like anyone would steal this thing and not instantly melt it down in horror. Shudder.

A player struck the Captain Morgan pose in the Eagles game. The NFL fined him because they didn't get a cut ...

The NFL will likely be a little more sensitive with this latest promotion, since it would have benefited Gridiron Greats, and the post-career struggles of players has been a paramount hot-button topic. While the league welcomes charitable donations to Gridiron Greats, it doesn’t want those contributions to be used as a carrot to influence the on-field antics of players – particularly when the antics center on selling a product.

God knows, you wouldn't want crass commercialism to get in the way of a football game, would you?

I think it was hilarious. The players should pose anyway and Captain Morgan should pay the fine AND pay the $50,000 to the retired players fund.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

"I've had two teenagers who were considering killing themselves, because they didn't want to be around when the world ends. Two women in the last two weeks said they were contemplating killing their children and themselves so they wouldn't have to suffer through the end of the world."-- NASA Astrobiology Institute scientist David Morrison, on 2012 fears

I lived through the cold war. We would practice hiding under desks in case the Bomb was dropped. The siren was tested every day at 2:00. The cellar of the school was the town bomb shelter and periodically we'd line up and practice the attack drill. It probably affected me deeply but I can't say as I ever heard of any of my contemporaries having this kind of reaction.

Do we need a new Great Depression to shock the world back to reality, followed by a great War to give them a new sense of pride of self?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The mission statement needs revising. Set up a committee to rewrite it. The next four faculty meetings should be spent on choosing the most appropriate verbiage to reflect the school and community's core principal academic principles and values while maintaining the highest standards of obfuscation and repetition of seemingly obvious truths.

Did we mention this already?

Yes. But we need higher standards so that our students can achieve more and the Principal will continue in his job. Therefore, we need a new mission statement.

Monday, November 9, 2009

A truly HIP dude knows that teachers can't grade their students properly. This means, of course, that you must wait until they've submitted grades and have gone home for the summer before you change them.

When a parent complains, then you must spring into action and become the good-guy hero of the moment. Change the "F" to a "D" so the little snowflake can pass on to the next grade.

You are not to think about how the little snowflake will accomplish the harder work. That is beyond your ken. Besides, it's the teacher's fault for not being Effective enough.

Sunday, November 8, 2009

The discussion on dy/dan involved being helpful when posing the problem but not TOO helpful and asking for some other stat but in a better way. I think I'll use this one tomorrow, asking for the amount of fertilizer to fertilize this green.

To be true HIP warrior, a principal must always refuse to answer any request or question. Do not answer "Yes" or "No" but always remind the querant that you will be meeting with the Superintendent later this week and you will bring the topic up at that time.

Since you forgot when the time comes, you will of course make a mental note to bring it up the next time you meet ... four weeks from now. Making a decision could turn out badly.

Use double-speak and the Educational Bullshit Generator. Always use (and capitalize) Care, Dare, 21st Century Skills, Paradigm, Whole Child Education, Schools for the Digital Age, and other terms that mean nothing but sound intellectual to parents and media.

If your listeners can't understand it, they'll nod and agree -- no one will want to look stupid pointing out the Emperor's Clothes.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Do not get to know your students. If you know their names, they will talk to you and you can't have that. Create a fortress for yourself and keep everyone at bay. The constant flood of email gives you a perfect excuse.

Bonus points for forgetting the names you unfortunately did learn. Double bonus if you forget the valedictorian and student council president from last year.

Monday, November 2, 2009

I was struck by the ad copy in PETA's news article announcing Hannah Teter's 'Save the Seals' Ad:

U.S. snowboarder Hannah Teter comes from a close-knit family of shredders who spend a great deal of their time doing what they love in the snow and ice. So when the Olympic gold medalist learned about the seal slaughter that takes place every year on Canada's ice floes, she posed for PETA's "Save the Seals" ad series to help spread the word.

Always use the "Nightline Tactic." Whenever someone has a good idea or makes a good point, always call on someone who will disagree with it. Set up committees this way to nullify their effectiveness.

Nightline used to have someone from both sides of every debate, regardless of how stupid one side was. The effect was to take an argument that was 99-1 and make it into a 50-50 argument. What should be obvious is suddenly questionable as people start to think "well, maybe that would work." It was quite ludicrous at times. Equal time, hence equal weight, was given to the reasoned and thoughtful columnist as to the paranoid schizophrenic nutjob.

A corollary is to "always listen to both sides of an argument" since "no one has all the answers." If someone says "Let's focus on practicing basic skills," make sure someone says "We can't drill and kill. We need to teach Critical Thinking."

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Include new teachers fresh out of Silly School (Teacher College) to counter any experience on the committee. When choosing from the experienced teachers, choose two who disagree with each other so they will cancel each other out.

Always Chair the committee and stay out of the discussion, ostensibly so that you can "take the measure of the school," or something.

Nod whenever the Newbie speaks so the Newbie's ideas will sound intelligent. This will encourage him to speak and make him dependent on you.

When you take the minutes, use your word-smithing skills to change the tone of the meeting to reflect what you wanted the meeting to decide. Adjourn the meeting after the Silliest idea comes up, saying, "That's good. Let's all think on this and we'll re-convene next month." Do not allow decisions to be made unless the committee compromises on the silly idea.

Always meet after school so that the cynical and experienced teachers have something else to do and can't make it. Who will make it? The Newbie who wants to prove herself and is eager to agree with you and be non-confrontational. Who can't make it? The older teachers who have kids and a life (and teaching experience and after-school tutoring commitments). That's too bad, here are the minutes.

Michael Vick is back with Nike more than two years after the company severed ties over the quarterback’s involvement in a dogfighting ring. The managing director of the agency that represents Vick announced the deal yesterday. Michael Principe of BEST referred questions to Vick’s agent, Joel Segal, who said: “Mike has a longstanding great relationship with Nike and he looks forward to continue in that relationship.”

About Me

I'm a high-school math teacher completely frustrated with new math, reform math, fuzzy math, the color of math, talking about math, literacy across the curriculum and all those other things that get in the way of students actually learning math, not to mention the ever-present "You need to help raise our scores by taking one day a week to go over test-taking skills" and other administrative folderol.