Top Ten Tuesday! The Top Ten Perks of Being The Pope

10. He gets his own bobblehead: My head bobbles, but nobody is making toys out of it.

9. Chicks dig a guy with power: Dude can get anyone in the Vatican City he wants. From what I hear, he’s got a serious habit habit, if you know what I mean (insert wink emoji here).

8. I tried for years to Get McDonald’s to serve breakfast all day: One wave of his triton and it’s Egg McMuffin’s for dinner.

7. He gets featured on #ThePhilFactor again. Come back for my Throwback Thursday later this week to read a Phil Factor from the ancient days of the internet, 2005, featuring the newly elected Pope then.

6. The Popemobile! In the pantheon of super vehicles the Popemobile ranks right up there with the Batmobile and Scooby Doo’s Mystery Machine.

5. He’s the real transgender pioneer: Enough with this Caitlyn Jenner crap. The Pope has been wearing a dress for centuries.

4. I allowed him to use my middle name: When the Pope sends you a DM on Twitter asking if he can use your middle name, you say yes.

3. When he get’s the Kohl’s scratch off coupon he always seems to get 30%, and his receipt says he saved $482.00 just for buying a pair of socks.

2. Always gets first pick in his fantasy football draft.

1. There’s is absolutely no possible way for him to vote for Donald Trump.

Geez Louise, I’ve never even heard of a Kohl’s scratch off coupon, let alone get one. And he gets the best one ever? Clearly there’s something more to Catholicism than this lapsed Presbyterian has previously heard about. Hmmm…