The Indian Society Needs To Understand About Marriages

Marriage – the dreaded word that haunts almost all of us the
moment we’re out of college. If you don’t want to get married, there’s a
problem. If you want to get married to a person of your own choice,
that’s a problem too. Why is it that marriage is such a pain in India?
Yes, we agree that it is a sacred bond between two people and is
probably one of the biggest decisions you’ll take in your life, but
there’s a lot the Indian society still needs to know about dealing with
marriages. Here are 12 things the society and our parents need to understand .
1. First things first, it’s perfectly okay to never get
married. No, we’re not saying we’re against marriages. It’s a matter of
personal preference – just like believing in God or choosing to be an
atheist. Some people believe in the institution of marriage, some don’t.
It’s as simple as that. Not wanting to get married is not abnormal or
unnatural.

2. In India, you don’t just marry your partner, you
marry their whole family. Sometimes, Indian families over-involve
themselves and end up ruining their children’s marriages. Our parents
and relatives need to understand that it is impossible that they will be
pleased by every decision the married couples takes. They need to know
that they may not get along well with their child’s in-laws and that is
perfectly fine, because what matters the most is that the couple is
happy with each other. We need to stop looking for perfect families, and
try to find ideal partners instead.

3. Domestic violence, abuse and infidelity are not the
only reasons why marriages break. Not every fight leaves a visible scar.
There are many more things that can go wrong between a married couple
that only the rest of the world can’t see. Sometimes, two people
realize they’re just not compatible. Sometimes, people fall out of love.
Sometimes, they realize they’re both great people, just not right for
each other. Sometimes, they just don’t understand each other. But sadly,
Indian parents don’t consider these reasons good enough for someone to
walk out of a marriage. And that needs to change. We need to reinvent
the definition of a successful marriage.

4. Marriage is not the ultimate solution to every
problem. If you think your son or daughter is getting out of hand,
getting them married is not going to reform their lives. It’s in fact a
very bad decision. By getting them married when they’re really not
ready, you’re ruining their partners’ lives too. If you want to ‘tame’
your son/daughter or make them responsible in life. Getting them married
is not how you do it.

5. We need to stop believing that a person from our own
caste, religion or region is going to be the best choice as a partner.
We have as many examples of horrible spouses from arranged marriages as
we know of cross cultural marriages
falling apart. It just goes on to prove that no culture or religion
guarantees good husbands and wives. We need to stop judging people on
their backgrounds and assess them on who they are as people.

6. There’s no ‘perfect time’ to get married. If only
this society could be a little less obsessed with their kids getting
married ‘before turning 30’, we might just be able to follow our dreams a
lot more fearlessly and do something worthwhile with our lives. Our
parents need to stop making such a big deal out of getting us married
‘at the right time’. It will happen when it has to. There are much more
important life goals than starting a family.

7. It is perfectly okay if a marriage doesn’t work out.
It’s no stigma. Some things are just not meant to be. People you once
loved turn out to be someone you never imagined them as. And, there’s
nothing anybody can do about it. It’s just one of the many failures you
go through in life. We need to stop thinking that a failed marriage is
the end of life.

8. It is sad how Indian parents think their daughters’
dignity lies in holding on to their marriages, no matter how much she
suffers in it. They’d rather have them ‘cooperate’ all their lives with
someone who doesn’t love them, someone they don’t love back, than accept
that it’s a failed marriage and let them move on with their lives.
They’d do all they can to ‘save’ a marriage, even when they know it’s
not worthy of being saved. Hanging on isn’t always the right decision.
Sometimes, moving away is the best option. There are countless Indian
men and women who stick to bad marriages all their lives, shutting
themselves from the endless possibilities of a better future, solely
because of parental pressure.

9. Indian parents feel cheated and betrayed if their
son or daughter decides to get divorced. The blame is conveniently put
on the couple for making their families go through such a rough phase.
But what they fail to acknowledge is that nobody ‘wants’ to get
divorced. Nobody has it on their wish list. Parents need to understand
that nobody is more worried about getting divorced than the person who
is getting divorced. So, if he/she has taken such a drastic step, there
must be a good reason for it. Parents need to stop acting as if their
children have let them down, for nobody has it worse than the person
getting divorced.

10. Two people don’t need the married tag to stay
together. It is funny how the moment you tell an Indian parent you’re
dating someone; they suddenly want you married as soon as possible,
because they fear it might not last long. But, how exactly does getting
the couple married help? Someone who has to leave will leave anyway, and
someone who is committed will stay so without any tag. There can be no
surety of how long a relationship is going to last, not even a marriage.
We need to stop looking at a marriage as the ultimate acceptance of a
relationship.

11. Everybody likes elaborate weddings, but is it really
necessary? Now, if can you afford it, there’s nothing wrong with
spending your wealth lavishly, but we’re talking about middle class
families here. We hate how the society judges a family on the amount of
money it spends on weddings. It just doesn’t make sense to go bankrupt
trying to please ungrateful people who are going to be dissatisfied with
your choice and efforts no matter what lengths you go to impress them.
We need to stop making weddings such a competitive affair. It’s the
union of two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together,
let’s let it remain that.

12. A lot of times, parents oppose cross-cultural or
inter-religion marriages though only under societal pressure, even if
they like the prospective groom or bride themselves. They are ready to
sacrifice their child’s happiness only for acceptance in the society. It
is time they stop trying so hard to conform to conventions and please
the people around them, so they can focus more on what matters the most –
their child’s happiness.

Dear parents, the society can never be pleased anyway. No matter
what you do, they’re going to find a reason to disapprove of your
actions. They are not going to be around in your moments of happiness
and sadness, your children are. Think about what’s the best for your
child, not for you, not for your social status and definitely not for
the society.