Arnold Scharzenegger

It doesn’t matter that they steal a joke from The Losers right at the beginning of the trailer! It doesn’t matter that the three biggest names in the movie should be taking pension cheques! All that matters is that the Expendables are back and they are carrying massive weaponry and only encouraged by Expendables 1. I love intelligent movies, I’ll sit and watch Thank you for Smoking and Sideways ’til the cows go 3D – but bottom line, I grew up in the Eighties and Nineties and I think there’s room for indiscriminate gunfire and unnecessarily large explosions on the cinema screen. The fact that it pitches Chuck Norris and Jean Claude Van Damme against each other only sweetens the dopey deal.

The sight of Arnie and Brucie driving around in a Smartcar with an automatic machine gun only sweetens it further. I’m not saying it’ll be my favourite movie of 2012 but by god it fulfills a very deep desire to see things explode a lot. There’s not enough bloody minded carthasis on cinema screens. How are schoolboys going to grow up wanting to off every mutha… in the room if we don’t give them this? I don’t need to justify it to you. Just watch the trailer.