You Smashed the Homie?

Vixen

Therein, nestled deep inside the theoretical sacred Bible of the streets, lays an old scripture that has manifested itself into a universal adage which many devoted believers and scholars alike have adopted into their daily way of life. With an almost Gandhi-esque astute wisdom, it simply reads:

It ain’t no fun, if the homies can’t have none.

Yep, it can be found right before the Book of Ballin’ on a Budget.

However it should be noted that this particular verse does come with a few consequences, and if not utilized properly, there could be plenty of backlash for its user. For example, an acceptable way to use this proverb is by buying bottles at the club and letting the entire posse partake in the celebratory toast. It’s a lot more fun to get wasted with company and as a result, it’s a win-win situation for all parties involved. What is not an acceptable use of this is when you choose to share your, um, “personal treats” with the entire crew.

Sure your loving is better than your Granny’s candied yams, collard greens, macaroni and cheese, and fried chicken, and you should have a national monument constructed in its honor, but that is no reason to let the whole gang dip into your candy jar.

Ladies, since common sense is sometimes not all too common, let’s just put it out there bluntly: We cannot let all of the homies hit it!

We have all either attempted, maneuvered, or observed the act of homie hopping, the practice of dating one guy from a particular group of friends and then essentially hopping on to the next friend in that same circle when things don’t exactly work out. More often than not, we have witnessed this process end unceremoniously in a fiery and sweltering blaze of failure.

But, nonetheless, despite what history has repeatedly taught us, we fill up our heads with scenarios of how this time will be different and will prove to be the special case exception, or how your reasons for messing with an ex-boo’s friend are somehow justifiably warranted.

For instance, while you and your ex were together, you got to know his friend and the two of you bonded and created a true friendship. You realized that you both share a surplus of common interests. He’s a huge Jay-Z fan; you’re always throwing up the Roc. He loves the Lakers; you bleed purple and gold. He likes his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to be cut into little triangular shapes with the crust cut off; so do you. You laugh at all of the same jokes and enjoy all of the same movies and even share the same outlook on life.

It dawns on you that the two of you share so much more in common than you and the ex-beau ever did and you sincerely wish that you could in some way redeem a do-over pass and revert back in time so that you could’ve met the homeboy first and chosen him instead.

Not to be the bearer of bad news and all, but you won’t be receiving that do-over. We’re adults now and this isn’t a game of hopscotch. The reality is that you made your choice and it’s non-refundable and non-exchangeable. Maybe next time you’ll take a little longer and shop around a bit more before making your purchase. Cut your losses and take the L on this one.

Another instance is the straightforward approach. You feel as though you’re doing the mature and honest thing by being upfront with the pair of friends about the love triangle. You ask if they’re both cool with the situation and when you get the response that they’re “not tripping” you take that at face value and move forward. Now that you received both their consent and blessing, there should be no issues, right?

Completely off the mark again.

The only thing that’s bigger than Oprah’s bank account is, in fact, the male ego. This means that even if your ex claims that he doesn’t care or that he has no problem with you dating his boy, there could be some deep feelings of betrayal and resentment harboring there. His exterior is playing it cool, but inside he’s on “Song Cry” status: “I’m a man with pride, you don’t do shit like that.” Not to mention how it could negatively affect their friendship in some form or fashion.

What’s worse is if the only reason they are both all right with the situation is merely to see if you will take the bait. Although often times completely incomprehensible to the female race, men have very odd ways of bonding. If they both get a chance to hit the skins, it will just serve as another mission they’ve accomplished together and it will give them something to talk about over cold brewskies. They’ll be throwing back cold one while discussing how they both broke your back.

We are, each of us, individual brands for ourselves and all of our actions directly affect our name and image. Ultimately, your opinion of yourself is what matters the most, and even if someone tries to paint you as a type of woman that you know you aren’t, you shouldn’t pay it too much mind. If you are guilty of homie hopping in your past, so be it. But, we must be careful not to make it a steady habit. It will only give folks more ammo and valid reasons to make these sound assumptions of you and your character.

If you see someone and they’re always dressed in orange, it wouldn’t be a farfetched notion to assume that orange is their favorite color. In the same token, if every time someone sees you, you’re dating another one of the homies, it wouldn’t be implausible of them to assume that you like to get around. And you are so much better than that.

In essence, what we’ve learned here is actually very simple and can be summed up into one short, easy-to-remember rule: