Travel is a humbling experience. It shows you how big the world is and how relatively insignificant both you and your problems truly are. When you’re out there, at the mercy of fate, you accept that you aren’t in control. But when you return, you should take those awesome life altering experiences and use them to hook up with strangers in bars. What you need to know is: how to brag about your travel.

Never Start ItOnly an idiot would bring up their latest trip to Angola while waiting for a table at Applebee’s. If unprompted, you’ll only look arrogant. The key is to appear humble while actually being completely full of yourself. That’s not to say you can’t talk about your travel whenever you want. You just need to make people ask you about it.

Make Others Beg For ItYou want to make someone make you tell them about your recent travel experience, make them beg you for just a little story, a little tale of adventure. To make such a request take place is simple. First, do something that is highly unusual but in a incredibly non-chalant fashion. For example, without batting an eye, eat your spaghetti with a bare hand. When people inquire as to why you are doing such a thing, explain that you were just in India for 6 months and eating that way became a habit. It doesn’t even matter if you’ve been to India, as you’ll see in the next step.

Be Very VagueThe more places you’ve been, the more impressive your travel experience. More importantly, the best way to brag is to claim you have been to the same places as your audience, plus several more that no one has been to. To do this, you don’t need to lie, you simply need to express extremely vague statements. In most cases, you’ll be talking to someone who is also being vague and you can brag at each other together. Below you’ll find a list of generic statements. Simply fill in the country/city/village you wish to claim you have visited.