Sunday, August 12, 2012

This life vs. that life

I don't know how it is I'm hardwired this way...but I can
write much better than I can speak.Now,
if I write a speech, or a talk of some sort...I can deliver it
marvelously!But if I'm put on the spot
and need to spout a long diatribe on a subject...If I haven't written about it
before...I'm lost.

Confused much?

Point being, when I sit down at the keyboard my thoughts flow
so much easier.I had a dear friend stay
with me this weekend while Ryan and the boys were away camping.We were up until the wee hours of the morning,
talking about everything under the sun.It was wonderful, and at the same time harder for me than I ever thought
it would be.When I would say, "I
believe that..."and have a story I wanted to convey, I stumbled awkwardly
through my explanation."I believe
this because...blah blah blah...ummm, yeah."She didn't in any way make me feel stupid, in
fact she nodded enthusiastically and loved me just like she always had.It
occurred to me the next morning that my thoughts would have flowed so much more
smoothly had we been typing back and forth to each other...

Thank goodness for Blogger!

And because the first couple paragraphs really have nothing
to do with my post...thank goodness for digression!

What I want to share with you today is an extension of that
conversation.The running theme
throughout our late night chatter, was "empathy."The next morning I woke up and read this article
by Michael Hoskins on Diabetes Mine...You can read it HERE...please come
back.:)

The articles title is "At least you have diabetes and not..."Mike shares his story of
his Aunt recently being diagnosed with ALS.He shares how this has changed his perspective, and in the grand scope
of things realizes that diabetes is not that big of a deal.He is feeling at this moment that all the DOC
chatter online is mostly insignificant.And that now he sees that there are much more dire circumstances being
experienced by people all around the world.(Paraphrasing...please read the article to really get the gist.)

So is it fair to say this disease is harder than that
disease?Are we comparing apples to
oranges, or perhaps fuji apples to gravenstein apples?

Personally, I don't think comparing will get us anywhere. Understanding, on the other hand...will get us far. And empathy will take our planet all the way to where it needs to go.

After Ryan was diagnosed I will be honest, there was a
length of time I would read statuses on Facebook and say, "Really?Really?Your devastated because your child was high for three hours?"But
let me tell you this...five months later, I'm right there with you posting
these statuses too.Diabetes is hard and
frustrating.Is it fair to diminish that
frustration because you, or your child probably aren't going to die today?

My opinion...no.

Ryan's cancer is hard.Yes it is harder than diabetes.Yes it is awful and horrible and it feels like my world is crumbling
down...but without the DOC chatter I would most certainly be in a darker
place.Not only to keep my mind off it
all, but to give me that support of "same."To make me feel like I'm part of
something.I can sit here, on my couch
all alone...and not feel alone at all.And the best part is, these relationships are REAL.I've met MANY people.I've spoken on the phone with MANY
people.I've had private chats with MANY
people.These connections are
vital.My boys A1C's are what they are
BECAUSE of these connections.They are
healthier because of the DOC.

Yes, I would pick diabetes over cancer any day of the
week.But we don't get to pick our
diseases.The disease pick us.

All we can do is make of it what we can.And what I see is thousands, hundreds of
thousands of people online with diabetes, making a difference in each other's
lives.Attending conferences and events
to make a difference for their own family, and the community as a whole.Diabetes is our thing.We were giving this cause, and it is just as
admirable to chat about diabetes as it is about cancer.If your cause is for the greater good, it is
always worthwhile.

It will often get said to me, "I feel bad when I am
overwhelmed because I ONLY have one child with Type 1 Diabetes, or I only have
to take care of myself and MY Type 1 Diabetes...and you have three...so I feel
silly I feel that way."

What these people forget is that I once "just" had
one child with Type 1 Diabetes.And I
was overwhelmed and scared, and exhausted all the time too.Diabetes is HARD, no matter which way you
slice it.It adds a second hamster wheel
to your brain...you can rarely NOT think about it.Please, whatever you are facing at this time,
know that your feelings are valid...and then find a way to come to terms with
them.

We need to have empathy for the entire human
experience.It is good Mike wrote that article
if only to open our minds that others are suffering too.My bestie who stayed with me this weekend?Her Mother...my second mother...died in 2008
of Alzheimer's.Would I trade our
Diabetes journey for her Alzheimer's journey?I think we can all agree that that is a ridiculous question, and at the
very least a moot point.We take what we
are given and we run with it.Sometimes
we trip with it.Sometimes we are
paralyzed with it.But it is OUR journey
for a reason.Grab it by the horns and
live your best damn life.

Heaven knows I am trying.

Although a widened perspective is wonderful, and vital...comparing is fruitless.

37 comments:

I love you to no end. You are without a doubt a miracle in my life, and the lives of so many others. And don't forget about having empathy for ourselves, along the way! I can't wait for our next late night chat, online or live!

I chose not to comment on the original article because I saw how people reacted to the one person who disagreed (at the time I clicked over).

I think comparison is dangerous. Who am I to say that one person's pain is not worthy of another person's pain? Is one person's burden lessened by the fact that I determine it less than another person?

Comparison does nothing. Compassion on the other hand can change everything! Thank you for everything you do, Meri!

I found your blog through another Type 1 diabetes blog. Just wanted you to know I pray for you, each of your boys and your husband as you face diabetes and cancer. You show us how to face adversity, although I wish you didn't have face it.Peace.

Great thoughts. I heard it explained somewhere about "don't compare tragedies" because there are never "winners" with tragedies. This was talking in reference to slavery was worse than the holocaust, no the holocaust was worst, no this was, etc. I love friends who let me vent about my "little tragedies" even when I know they are dealing with bigger ones, and I love friends who empathize with my "bigger" tragedies when they come up, whether they've been there or not.Ha, I'm laughing as I realize my writing is rambling. . .maybe I'm the opposite of you and would do better in person. :)maria

I love visiting your actual blog page instead of reading it on Google Reader because... that cute kissing couple up there at the top left always makes me smile and the boys' grins are enough to brighten any day. Lawton looks a little serious but that's okay.Friends are friends, and support us in good times and not so good times.Still praying...

Beautiful post again, Meri! You are one phenomenal woman. I'm so grateful you're here and sharing all of your experiences and thoughts with us. Thank you! And as always, your family is in our prayers. Love to all of you!

You might say I'm in that length of time where I'm thinking "Really?" It doesn't diminish what anyone else is living with, just a different perspective given the change of circumstances in my own world.

Knowing there are other disease states out there in no way diminishes the significance of my own life. It doesn't take away the frustrations I feel when I'm 41 and can't feed myself juice, but need my wife's help. It in no way diminishes the near-DKA state I experienced about a week earlier, when I lost an entire day to getting sick and feeling like death-on-legs.

Most importantly, it isn't meant to diminish what others feel or experience. Just knowing that there are kids and adults in Haiti and third-world countries doesn't belittle what we're going through here; it just adds another layer of perspective for us to look at our own situation differently. Maybe it can help change the lens we're looking at our D-Lives through...

It's that DOC spirit that I mentioned in my post that I'm now looking for in this other disease state world, to find those people and that support and inspiration like that I've come to rely so much on in our community. As you've mentioned: it's irreplaceable in the darkest of times.

Empathy is everything. Surprisingly, T1D for my girls gave my empathy the good kick in the booty I didn't even realize it needed. It had slipped away a little without me even knowing it I sorry to say.

I will be honest that I am the first to admit that it is difficult for me when people are complaining about frivolous things (like what color should they color their hair or what vacation should they go on next) and here I am struggling on four hours of sleep. I know, my issues, but I truly struggle paying attention to the fluff right now, and I do believe a lot of life is fluff - some great some not so great. I have a niece who was born without a fully developed leg and a nephew with hemophilia, both circumstances are difficult, and for a while I felt that the three of us were in a competition for whose crapshoot was worse - but in the end it's brought us closer. Realizing that your family is stronger not despite of what has happen but because is a great place to be, knowing that others get it when you feel anxious opening a medical bill because it is another one to add to the pile, just feeling that same same feeling is priceless. So, yes maybe comparison isn't necessary but connecting through it all is truly wonderful.

Connecting with you throughout the years has been truly wonderful! Thank you for your honesty! I agree...the world is full of a lot of fluff. That is magnified when you have a child with special needs, or a loved one struggling with a scary illness! Love who you are!

It does no good to try to compare your circumstances with another's because we are all different and handle things differently....even if it's fuji to fuji, it's still different because I'm me and you're you.

We need to be there to support each other through whatever each day, each moment, brings. And that is what I love about the DOC and truly hope that those dealing with other diseases have!

You are so right! Even comparing diabetes to diabetes is dangerous. Example: A1C's. We are all unique. We need to empathize with each other, whether we are going through the same issues differently, or differnt issues that are similar. Love you bunches, Denise!

Good post. A few weeks ago, my friend was wondering if her daughter had Diabetes, we talked, she asked questions, I checked her daughter's blood sugar and something was not right. She made a Doctor appointment and got blood work and the days we waited I kept praying that H would not have Diabetes, but I also found myself praying that she would not have anything "worse". It was hard for me to do that, I definitly didn't want H to have anything, but finding myself saying to my Heavenly Father, "Please don't let her have D, but wait, please don't let her have anything worse, but wait again, please just don't let her have anything" It seemed to put my life and my daughter's into perspective for me. When my daughter was diagnosed, they told me they were running a blood test for Leukemia and I was freaked right the heck out,when they came back into that ER room and told me that she had Diabetes, I was so thankful. I had no clue what Type 1 Diabetes was, I was just thinking at that time, oh no sugar and pills everyday, no big deal, right. Well, I quickly found that it was indeed a big deal and when later I mentioned to someone that the Doc's had mentioned Leukemia and I would take Diabetes over that anyday, they said "well at least Leukemia is curable".....(I have no idea if it is or not, Cancer is Cancer is Cancer and it's all scary stuff to me) I find myself looking back to that conversation and thinking to myself, it is what it is, no sense in comparing, yeah Diabetes is hard, but anything can be hard for someone right?

But you totally left me in suspense! Is everything well with your friends daughter? Hope everything is ok, and you are right...cancer is cancer is cancer...and it is very sucky! Thank you for your comment!

I have a friend who wrote a great book about his wife's breast cancer, and how he'd think to himself, "stop being such a pussy! at least it's not your wife AND CHILD both dying from cancer at the same time!" (Or something.) It's all so relative.

I think about your family all of the time, and then I think of the acquaintance who says quite often to me--about me--something along these lines: "Of everyone I know, you're the only one who has any REAL right to complain." And I feel like--huh? Are you kidding me? This isn't THAT bad. (My "THIS" being: one kid with T1, and one emotionally disturbed dog.) But I think she thinks her words make me feel better somehow. Because I do complain a lot. Or at least, I post a lot about my troubles with the D and my fears.

My main concern before D, aside from the disturbed dog, used to be the chemicals in food and/or the Brazilian Blowout hair treatment. It's always something.

I'm an LDS mom of all boys also who has been praying for your family. Your posts are inspirational. Today I wanted to say I'm really glad for the intro in this post. I am so much more well spoken when I type than when I speak. I can so relate to stumbling over putting thoughts into words and conversing well and then finding that the words pour out so easily when I type. I've wondered over it many a time!

My husband was suddenly in a paralyzed state with a severe illness last year that almost took him and I remember suddenly realizing the blessing of a normal day and realizing how trivial many issues suddenly seem. You live in a whole new realm. However, I agree - we can't compare trials and understanding is what we really need. It's all relative, and we all go through peaks and valleys. That said, you are carrying a heavy load and I want you to know I am praying for you, your husband, and boys, and I believe in miracles.

p.s. Thanks for writing. I blogged daily when we went through our days in ICU and severe illness. I'm so glad I did. It was the best way to keep everybody up to date and very therapeutic. Plus, I have a bad memory and what we learn in a trial is gold. Keeping that record was one of the most meaningful experiences of my life!

I have a horrid memory too! I read stories all the time and forget the story lines. Although I read all the Harry Potter books, the movies were all new to me! I hope your husband was able to recover fully from his ordeal. Thank you so much for relating your experience!

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ABOUT ME

I am the mother to 4 wonderful boys, 3 of which have Type 1 Diabetes. Through this blog I hope to share our ongoing story, to help others see that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Like you, I have muddled through all the emotional phases diabetes has to offer a parent. I know of the worry that sits with you like an old friend, because he is my friend too. I just try not to make him the life of the party. Take the ride with me.

Disclaimer

I can S.W.A.G a meal three tables away. I can guesstimate a bolus in lightning speed. I can check my boys’ blood sugars in the wee hours of the morning, half asleep, with only one eye open. I can do a lot of things…but one thing I can’t do is be your child’s endocrinologist. Everything on this blog works for our family, but might not work for yours. Funny thing diabetes, one size does not fit all. If you see some technique here that you would like to try, call your doctor, use common sense, and remember: I am not a doctor…I’m just a mother of three boys with Type 1 Diabetes. That is it. Mother. Not doctor. Blogger. Not doctor. Friend. Not doctor. All comments will be publicly viewable, but contact information will remain private. Thanks for stopping by! Come again soon!