Happy Birthday, Pete Rose!

Dear Pete,

First, you say you didn’t bet on baseball. Then, you say you bet on baseball but not your team. Now you say you bet on baseball but never against your team. I only have one question for you: Why not? Those were the only games over which you had any influence on the outcome. If you really wanted to win money, all you had to do was tank the games!

I’ve been working on it on and off for the last fifteen years. It will serve as an homage to every zombie movie ever made, yet it will be a completely original piece of cinema, conspicuously free of any derivative material.

by Nick Jezarian

Let’s call a truce. Seriously. I’ll start this feel-good session. On behalf of everyone who has abused the fashizzle kanizzle rapunzeldizzle-esque lingua franca, I apologize. The abuse has become excessive and chaotic in its reach and addictive qualities. I felt…

by Julie Koch

A Random-Sampling Poll Conducted by Telephone Wow, good question. Interesting. I never really thought about this, although I probably should have… [Long pause.] I think I’m going to go with Kerry. I hate being put on the spot like…

The Intricacies of Daylight Saving Time Silly Season, a.k.a. Daylight Saving Time (DST), is upon us yet again. Residents of the European Union switch to Summer Time at 1:00 a.m. on the last Sunday in March, and all time…