Jim's Cafe : Thursday 29th Sept.

Morning all. Hope everyone's having a positive morning. Mines been full of negative doubting thoughts.

Was miss Moo's birthday on Saturday. First time I've really been able to afford to spoil her, so spoil her I did. She loved everything even her birthday cake.

Sadly she had a bump and a half on Tuesday, which is the origin of my mega doubt. I'm worrying that she's not telling me what really happened. Because her injury isn't consistent with her story. Got a right old shiner, massive swelling above her eye, and a graze covering a lot of the side of her face. She'd have to have done a flip to hit her head in that location as well as skidded backwards to have achieved a graze in the location... or it could be my head over thinking. Either way I think I need to speak to her school and find out exactly what happened. Because the medical note that came home was a " she said that" so no actual facts except the treatment if the injury.

Night off from work. Gonna relax hopefully, though I do have my training tonight. Already counting down the days until my next holiday. I bloody need it.

Had a good morning practice today. Was in good spirits because I was really happy to be there, to have teammates and friends who care about me, to have a warm bed to go home to even just temporarily, and not to have to live all the way out in Robinson anymore like before. My calf still hurt, but the first drill didn't involve too much running. It was a passing drill. I have to admit, I need less practice on passing than I do other things, like hitting, but it was pretty fun and I didn't drop the ball too much. I tried to do the next drill, but the captain encouraged me to go easier on myself, so I stopped for the rest of practice. One guy was trying to show me how to be the "post" at the ruck, which was nice because that's one aspect I don't really get yet. Walking back to the shuttle downtown, I got a chance to talk to a guy I wish I talked to more.

Now that that's over and I've decompressed, doubts about my future are starting to creep into my mind and making me feel hopeless. But I'll be okay.

Today has been spectacularly unpleasant so far - now sitting on my sofa wondering whether to start the job hunt now or not. I didn't get fired (just realised that sentence sounded like I did) just work has been horrid recently and today had the first work based anxiety attack since I left my old job 16 months ago. Not really a big deal - I can deal with anxiety - but I definitely don't want that to become a pattern.

@FrainBart hope that your daughter is okay and you get to the bottom of what happened. Where are you going on holiday?

@baywasp I am glad that you have a warm bed to go home to - everyone deserves that. You WILL be okay - don't let the doubts win!

@everyone else - hope you are having a good day. Apologies that there is no cake, chocolate or dessert of any type left in the café today. I needed it!

Today has been better than recent days, to be fair they couldn't have gotten any worse. I did some christmas shopping. I looked back on therapy skills and used some, that did help. I am going forward with my complaint against the mental health services, that will be next week and I will need to use a lot of skills to not lose the head because I couldn't not get a pych appt and ended up in hospital because of my heart rate. Very annoyed I am but as my bro says, ''stay cool girl'' just going to have to remain as stable as possible...hmm im rambling now, have a nice day all.

Today started off gloomy (mentally), and unexpectedly picked up when I met with 2 friends this morning. I met with one friend then immediately after meeting with the one I met with the other. The first one reminded me how much I'm loved in that circle of friends, and I've always known this. I just hate sharing my dramatic (and traumatic) life with them even though they REALLY want to support me thru it all. Guess my thinking is that it's bad enough I got to go thru it that I don't want to drag anyone else down that road, and sometimes I often wonder if they really realize what they're getting themselves into being my friend. However, that's probably a stretch given that I've known them for 7yrs now.

Anyways, the 2nd person I met with REALLY wants to help me work thru my self loathing issues. She sees me in such a different light (a positive one), and would like to help me try to see me in that light, too. She would also like for me to share with her what I believe my struggles are when it comes to communicating cuz I happen to believe I totally suck at it, especially verbal skills. (My friends don't see evidence of that.) She also would like for me to share what's going thru my mind when I'm feeling worse after interacting with folks. I told her it doesn't happen every time, but more often than not it does.

Anyways, that was a bright side to my day. Now to get to work on attempting to answer these things for my friend. It'll take time; can't do it all at once, but do need to start with what I can. I also need to write a letter to my youngest son. He needs that by next Fri (not tomorrow).

Oh, one more thing. My Dr's office called today to schedule an appt with me at my Dr's request, so am scheduled to meet in two weeks. Not sure what she has on her agenda which makes me a little nervous, but she has been my doc for 12yrs now. She set the appt under the guise of getting a blood pressure check which means she wants to check in about something else because my blood pressure is under control. On the bright side my cardiologist's office told me yesterday I don't need to go in till May, so that was good news.

Ok. I'll stop babbling now, but it's been a pretty full day already. Thankfully it seems to gradually be turning around. Hope ya'll have a lovely day!!

Hey everyone, sounds like everyone is having, not such a good day. I was awake most of the night as usual and we're having flood warnings due to the heavy rains, weather has been strange this year and we're supposed to get this rain until after Friday. Actually turned on the heat this afternoon due to the dampness.
Anyway, I hope everyone gets through this Thursday and feels better by tonight. Take care of yourselves my friends.
hugs
Brian

Hello all,
Rather fatigued today. I feel like I could sleep for an eternity and a half. Glad tomorrow's Friday. I'll just relax and relax.. Oh wait I suck at relaxing. I'll take something to knock me out until I'm in a better condition. Have to be for midterms which are so close around the corner I can taste the midnight studying coffee awaiting me. Hope everyone is okay.

Might be able to make the game Saturday. My counselor told me she didn't have to come with me to my visit to the guy's place, so I called him and said I'd come Friday morning. I let the club president know, and hopefully there's room for me in the shuttle. (Facebook tells me he saw the message, but he hasn't responded.) Not sure when I'm going to be moving in, if I do. Maybe before the game so I can avoid having to drag all my bags along with me? I really want this to work out.

It was super busy at work today and I don't understand why. University was jam packed with students who all decided not to cut class today? It's not a long weekend until Canadian Thanksgiving, which is the Monday after this coming one. So... i dunno. Done with that now and back home. Going to take a nap shortly.

Went to take an eye exam today, turns out my vision did get worse. I've also been with a mean earache since yesterday and nothing I tried worked so far. I was thinking about going to a doctor, but my health care plan only has available appointments in almost a month from now.

Well our closest city just declared a state of Emergency due to the rain and flooding and it's to continue raining through Friday. Strange weather, a tornado hit just up the street from me last month and now we're being rained upon lol