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Saturday, January 16, 2010

I do love a bit of intrigue and mystery. Lisa received a letter from her GP this morning. It reads:

"Dear Patient,

I regret to advise you that Dr Linda Allenby has now left Regency Surgery due to unforeseen personal circumstances. She will not be returning to the practice for the foreseeable future. Please do not try to contact the Doctor by telephone, letter, fax or e-mail. We would appreciate it if you did not question the reception staff as they are bound by confidentiality."

I've no idea what that's all about, but if they're warning you not to ask any questions, it's bound to be good. The obvious explanation is that she's been removed for being a fruit loop, but let's face it, that would hardly be "unforeseen". The lady's been slightly screwy for years. It's why her patients love her. After all, this is the woman who removed Amelie's belly button with a pocket sewing kit. Personally I think she's been abducted by aliens.

But the good news is, I've met a potential replacement. I was doing a clinic at the hospital yesterday morning and they gave me a third-year medical student to look after. I spent an hour and a half showing her the delights of retinal screening, and chatting to her about the life of a trainee doctor. I know we end up paying them pretty well, but having heard about the three penniless years she's spent juggling a life of study and step-children, and the two punishing years she still has to go, I think they deserve every penny. She's on a train from Eastbourne at 6:30 every morning, gets home to the kids at the same time that evening, and still has an essay to write before bed. And then she has to work with me for a morning. It's no wonder they end up going loopy and appealing to aliens.

But in other news, I've been attempting to introduce some culture into Amelie's life by playing her opera. Well, to be honest, I just sat her on the sofa in front of the repeat of 'Popstar to Opera Star' on ITV1 this morning. But it amounts to the same thing. Apparently classical music boosts their intelligence and calms their mood, allowing them to enjoy more cerebral activities like childcare and reading...

I probably should have stopped filming before she ran amok over the back of the sofa. And I'm hoping no one will notice that she had the book upside down. But other than that, it was a complete success.

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