Anutosh was born in Singapore, a descendent from a line of traditional herbalist healers of the Hakka tribe of China. “I belong to a tribe in China where the women refused to have their feet bound. We were farmers, have big practical feet. We were thrivers and not just survivors. This is my inheritance from my ancestors.”

A healer and health practitioner herself

Since the eighties she had been a massage practitioner, based in Seattle, and gave sessions and workshops in Family Constellation. These brought her to regularly travel within the continental States, as well as to Hawaii, Singapore and Bali.

Anutosh was a Certified Nursing Assistant and from 2002 to 2004 she also volunteered at Evergreen Hospice for the dying – the hospice where she lived last December. “Many of the staff still remember me and reminded me of many magical stories that we all shared,” she wrote to Bhagawati. Having had a powerful experience while pregnant with her son and during his birth, she also worked as a Doula (birth companion) to assist women in childbirth and postpartum care.

Leaving Singapore

During the seventies, in her 4th month of pregnancy she started to actively search for a paradise for her child. She wrote, “My first attempt for the land of opportunities was Australia being that it was the closest, then came USA – and for both countries we were rejected. Rejected because we were not business owners. Basically, my husband and I were eager explorers of life but broke and now with another mouth to feed on the way. Naturally I wanted this child to have the best available.”

Hearing about Osho

While visiting her sister Linn in Bali: “A sudden visit from an American swami in an orange robe, started a string of events that would alter my life forever!”

A month later an Australian friend visited and brought books and meditation tapes of Osho. “The book I first read was titled Nirvana: The Last Nightmare and I was smitten. Immediately I felt understood and went, ‘Yes, he knows how I feel and he puts it into words so nicely.’ When I heard him speak, I could not stop laughing! It opened me up and the laughter relaxed every cell in my body. I wanted to go to Pune that night!”

This friend had also brought a Rajneesh Times magazine with an article of a woman giving birth at the medical center with candles, acupuncture, flowers and a huge picture of Osho. “I knew that was how I wanted to birth my baby. As far as I was concerned, the decision was made that night, ‘I am going to India, Pune specifically.’ So from Australia then USA to India. My family was horrified. India? This was really too much for them. My body said, ‘Yes,’ and that was good enough for me!”

Arriving in Pune, India

Anutosh’s husband clearly said that he would come to India only on one condition: that they would travel to see India before visiting Pune. Seven months pregnant she travelled with him though many parts of India, Sri Lanka and up to Kathmandu and finally arrived at the Gateless Gate a month later. “Sant, the main gate guard, greeted us and probably thought, ‘What is this pregnant Mama doing here?’ At the gate, husband and wife looked at each other and smiled ear to ear – “It was an unexpected unspoken ‘Yes, we are home and have finally arrived.'”

They wanted to take sannyas right away, but Arup instructed them to first do the 10-day meditation camp. “I remember the day my husband and I walked into the office, on 12th Sept 1978. Laxmi – who was also in the office – said, ‘Oh, they have come to die.’ I thought how strange that she said that. I was just 24 years old and 8 months pregnant. I later understood the ego death and death of the past.

“During those days, you could write to Osho. I did and an answer arrived a day later: ‘See Arup.’ I went ‘Oh, no! I do not wish to see her.’ However, this time she looked at us, smiled and pulled out a handout about taking sannyas, which happened for us without camp and only 5 days after we had arrived. We were elated. Getting rid of our perfumed hair was another story!”

Taking Sannyas

They both took sannyas together, on 19th September 1978. She became Ma Deva Anutosh and he received the new name, Swami Deva Sindhu (read Anutosh’s sannyas darshan, Divine contentment).

“I was clad in an orange saree, dressed by my other pregnant, new-found friend, the late renowed Spanish flutist Ma Anand Yashu. Oh! How I love and miss her. When it was my turn and after I waddled to Osho, I let out a deep cry that shocked even myself. That cry was a sigh of relief from the body from the many layers of repression and sorrow. Osho spoke about my new name and I heard absolutely nothing. I was feasting on his grace and beauty and thinking, ‘I have been looking so long for you and now I have found you!’ In his face, I saw parts of the universe… the sky, birds, trees, waterfalls… and I was transported into that realm of Nature which always gives me comfort.”

The child

While in labor at Shree Clinic, she was told that she needed a caesarian delivery but she refused that option trusting that her body knew how to birth. She had been born through a caesarian and started questioning it. “In the 70’s, caesarian births became the fashion. Most of the babies born through this procedure, were on Mondays at 9am. You see this on the birth certificates…”

At the end of the slide show you can see a still of the video, Memories from Pune, that shows Anutosh, Sindhu and their child. This film cutting was also included in the documentary Wild Wild Country.

Her son might not have had the stable childhood he would have wished for, to better fit in society, but Anutosh managed to helpe him go through graduate school in the US. “I will always be grateful to the USA for their credit system! I raised him on credit cards! Yes, we did make it to the USA after all.” He is now a successful architect. Before she died he and Anutosh were in deep and loving contact with each other. He got married in December 2017.

“It has been so much grace to learn that I was given the gift of being his mother. Everything I needed to learn, I learnt by caring for this human being.”

Illness

17 years ago she was diagnosed with cancer, and since last November when she was “in the deep jungle of Iquitos, Peru, with four shamans who were working with Spirit Plant medicine,” she has been in intimate and frequent contact with Bhagawati. She was suffering from a tumour in the pancreas that had spread to the bones, and from a fracture in the spine. Here below a few snippets from their correspondence to illustrate the space Anutosh was in before she left her body.

Letters

20th December 2017
Now, my best medicine is my family and jokes.
Naturally I bow to Osho who has prepared us all so well for this part of ending and new beginnings.

26th December 2017
Best joke for 2017 for myself: I am still alive.
I have a joke for you this morning! White Christmas in Seattle! Snowing!

I was awoken at 5am by a peep peep peep sound and I thought the snow plough was hard at work outside the bedroom window of this adult nursing home. I called the helper to change my diapers as I am unable to move because of my fractures. It went on from 5am to 7am. I have my ear plugs on as the street is just outside the window and I sleep with windows open. Then my nephew, who leaves for Australia this morning, called me from the Seattle airport to say goodbye. When I told him about the beeping, he went, “Aunty, could that be your machine?” Bingo he was right! I woke the nurse and she saw that the machine that monitors my morphine was low on battery! So the good part is: for almost 2 hours either I had no morphine or the batteries were just saying they were low?

Change upon change upon change upon me! Exciting!

27th December 2017
This amazing body, my best friend, has served me again and again in its most beautiful and compassionate of ways and now a 3rd chance with Life and Love has me even more on my knees in Gratitude. I can have more time with my family especially.

Mid-February 2018
Sweet Heart, Mariam was here visiting and adding a gorgeous plant to my living room which I intend to turn into a forest since I cannot walk and go to the forest now. I am bringing the forest to me.
Yes, on medical marijuana for pain control. Having the chance to practice that I am not the body now intensely. The opioids just mess me up and will avoid them as much as I can.
In 2008, on my last visit to the Resort I bought a very thick book, titled Here and Now. I did not know why I lugged this heavy book back. Hahaha! Now it makes sense! It is all about preparing for death and dying and Osho speaks on this topic in this book. Actually, when I think about it, all his books are about death and dying as in letting go. Neti! Neti! Neti!
I was browsing some of my pictures. Will send them soon for when I am gone from this realm and you can use them for my death announcement when it happens.
Or a miracle happens and I get to Live and continue to share love forward? The mysteries continue…
LoveSmilesGrace and so many hugs of love

On 23rd April 2018 she sent her last two e-mails
Osho has prepared us well.
No pain when we can befriend pain. Been preparing for a while now.
So far a success story.
Two weeks ago I slipped from my body. The beauty so profound. Better to not disturb it in words.
WOW!

My responsibility of taxes, paperwork and my attachment to my dear son brought me back to the body to be able to share about this little Satori.
Simply Sacred, Simply beautiful, Simply WOW!
Grateful

Comment on the last picture of hers
In the dying space!
So beautiful. Wow! Beauty upon Beauty.
Taxes and my son kept me back.
Now all completed ❤
Love youAnutosh

Text based on information from her website, a draft of an article she wrote on her 33rd sannyas birthday, Bhagawati’s ‘Gossip from Bali’ column for Viha Connection (2010), and the correspondence between Anutosh and Bhagawati a few months before she died.

Tributes

Though we have not seen each other for many a long year, you have always had a place in my heart. Meeting you in 1978, a rare Singaporean, and a healer to boot. We shared many a laugh, and I witnessed your natural healing ability. And you helped me find the best place in Singapore to purchase Chinese herbs!

So so happy to hear of your Satori, what a gift to be able to write about it, to be in the body a few more days with such opennes. May you have a fantastic rebirth, wherever that may be. Jai Osho!

Abhiyana

Oh, Anutosh.

I am so sorry I did not know how ill you were so we could have one last visit. Your sweet and generous nature and your constellation work meant so much to me and Jerry these last few years. We loved being participants and observers of your work; you were so insightful and the work so powerful in changing difficult relationships. We also loved the happy talks over dinner. And it was a true joy to have you at our wedding. We will miss you so much, dear one. How wonderful to know about your satori and your passing in peaceful relationship with your beloved son. Thank you for all the joy you shared with us every time we met. Fly high, Anutosh.

Love.

Roshani

Dear beloved Anutosh who sweetly touched so many people is surely flying high in the next adventure. Deeply loved and cherished you are, as well as sadly missed but… you’re continuing to ‘touch’ big time! I feel you and am very grateful for having made your loving acquaintance and shared some super sweet moments with you. As well as pretty blown over this very strong inspiration I’ve been experiencing every time I find myself thinking of you since your SELF leaving the body. Fare thee well, dear dear dolly.

Barbara Vasudha

Beloved Anutosh,
Thank you for the meeting in the Ashram that afternoon and in Seattle with Natano.
Let’s meet again at a crossing.

Fly high. Love,Yatren

Beloved Anutosh,

Thank you for your beautiful light and deep inner wisdom. I love you and thank you for allowing me to be with you just before your departure. It was truly a gift that is embedded in my heart. It was magical to be in your room that day, you so close to leaving. Even though my mind could not really “get it” my heart and being felt you moving into a different dimension, already halfway there. You looked so beautiful and your voice was clear as a bell, penetrating my heart.

Bon Voyage, my friend. You are a true blessing.

Mariam H

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Osho Quote

Time exists because we cannot see clearly. It is just as if you look out onto the street from the keyhole. A man is coming but you cannot see him. Suddenly he is there – but he was before. Suddenly he disappears again – he is still somewhere but your keyhole makes it difficult to see. Your keyhole creates the past, the present and the future.
Just a moment before the man was not there, so the person who has never left his keyhole will think that the man has appeared out of nothingness. That’s what future is. And when the man has gone a little further from the keyhole you cannot see him, and now you say that he has disappeared into the past.
The past is that which you cannot see any more, and the future is that which you cannot see yet.
But the man was there, is there, will be there. It is your key-hole that has created time. If you can come out, then you will see that the past was also present, the present is also present, and the future too, is present. Only the present is. Only now is. But remember the present is not part of time. The present is timeless… eternal.
Time is a concept because we are looking through the mind. The mind is the keyhole.

Wild Wild Country

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