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FISH ON: The writer poses with her catch and the stars of Animal Planet’s hit reality show, “Hillbilly Handfishin’.” Photo:

I am a non-athletic, city girl who is 48 years old and barely swims. I am the last person you would ask to go Okie noodling.

What’s noodling, you ask? Don’t worry — until Animal Planet began airing what quickly became one of their more popular series, “Hillbilly Handfishin’,” I didn’t know either. Noodling, or handfishing, is one of the country’s fastest growing extreme sports.

In simplest terms, it’s fishing without the aid of a pole and hook. But if you think this is all nothing more than fish-fondling, you’re mistaken. I can say this with some authority, having recently returned from a trip to Oklahoma, where the show is filmed. There, the stars of the show — Skipper Bivins and his buddy, Trent Jackson, both expert noodlers — operate Big Fish Adventures, which guides curious types like me through the experience.

I asked my husband to come along. He said fine, but only as far as the river bank. In his words: “I don’t do murky water.”

To prepare, I watched a couple of episodes of the show. But, as I learned once things got started, there’s really nothing that will get you ready for getting bit.

Did I forget to mention that when you noodle you are the bait? You are either sticking a hand or a foot in a dark hole, hoping a big catfish will find it appetizing and clamp down on it.

I met Skipper and Jackson at their base camp along Oklahoma’s Red River; also there were Skipper’s wife, JoAnn, daughter Heather, as well as Jackson’s girlfriend, Jeannie. That may sound like a lot of people for one fish, but everyone plays an important part.

While Skipper and Jackson are checking the river banks for catfish holes, the ladies are looking out for the guests and for uninvited visitors, like turtles, beavers and venomous snakes.

We were standing in the river (I was wearing water shoes) about 75 feet from Skipper and Jackson when I heard one of them yelp. I knew they’d found a fish and it was time for me to step up, or as in this case, down.

Skipper had his legs blocking the hole so the fish couldn’t get out, while Jackson tried to hold back some of the roots and branches that were in the way.

Skipper shifted slightly and I sat down in the water and stuck my legs into the hole. I was too short to get very deep into it, so I had to lie on my back to try and shove further in.

And then the fish started biting. Me.

A big, mean old mean catfish, he started at the front of my shoe and did an impression of Pacman, biting all the way up to my ankle. But when I tried to pull him out, he let go and went deeper into the hole.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t close the deal — I’d pull, he’d go, Skipper would then go back in to try and locate the fish. (He had a big advantage, being at least a foot taller than me.) Once he found the old beast, it was my turn again; this time I wasn’t going to lose that fish. It clamped down on my left foot and it felt like I was in a vice, but no matter what, I wasn’t letting go.

I worked my foot and the fish near the front of the hole so Skipper could string it. Now it was time for my triumphant moment. Skipper handed me the rope and I stood straight up pulling the fish out of the water. With the rope tight around my hand I hoisted out a massive 47-pound blue catfish. My triumph was short-lived, however, since I couldn’t see a log under the water near my foot, slipped and fell on my butt.

I almost lost the fish, but Heather’s dad taught her well — she quickly grabbed it, averting disaster.

After a few victory poses with the fish and the guys, I was told to name my new buddy; I went with Ndamukong Suh, after the Detroit Lions’ award-winning defensive tackle. (It seemed fitting, given Suh’s reputation for bringing the pain.) After sharing a quick kiss — I was told this was an important part of the process — it was good bye and back into the water.

If you’d asked me, I would have told you I was struggling to catch that fish for almost an hour, but in reality, it only took about eight or nine minutes.

When we got back to base camp Jackson told my husband: “That’s one tough little lady you got there.”

If I was ever asked to go again, I definitely would, but next time I’ll wear three pairs of socks rather than water shoes. That way, I’ll catch the fish the first time.

Hillbilly Handfishin’ returns to Animal Planet for its second season July 29. If you think you’ve got what it takes, apply to fish on an upcoming episode of the show with Skipper and Jackson; for more information, visit halfyardproductions.com. When the show is not in production, check for updates on guided trips — currently on hiatus due to time constraints — at wecatchbigfish.net.