Photo Courtesy of ISTOCKSTATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — New York is one of seven states without an anti-bullying law. But that’s likely to change. With bullying receiving nationwide attention lately, state legislators are scrambling to introduce a bill that would require school districts to implement bullying prevention methods.

Dr. Phyllis Brown, a child psychologist in West Brighton, believes schools can be effective in discouraging bullying, especially among students ages 8 to 11. She said kids at this stage of development respond well to rules, and having a clear code of conduct in place will help structure their moral behavior.

Israel Kalman isn’t convinced such a law will eradicate the problem, explaining that bullies of all ages — from those in the school yard to those in the workplace — always will exist. The New Springville psychologist contends a more effective way of handling the issue is to give targets of bullying the tools and confidence to deal with the issue themselves.

Kalman helps victims fend for themselves through a program he devised several years ago, called Bullies to Buddies. He believes it’s an adult’s responsibility to “teach kids how to handle the hardships of life, not to protect them from the hardships.” When parents and teachers intervene,” Kalman said, “it almost always makes things worse.

“If you call me a bad name and I tell the teacher and go to the school principal, is that going to make you like me?” he asked. “No, you’ll want to beat me up after school.”

Kalman has had such great results with his methods, he left his job as a school psychologist with PS 54 in Willowbrook, in 2002 to conduct Bullies to Buddies seminars nationwide. He’s led 800 workshops and has trained about 40,000 educators and parents.

The psychologist is quick to point out that there is a difference between bullying and criminal behavior and insists children who are being assaulted physically or having property stolen or destroyed should report the situation to a higher authority.

However, under most circumstances, he believes the best way to handle bullying is by reacting unemotionally and adhering to a golden rule: Treat others as friends, even when they treat you like an enemy.

To prove his point, he typically invites kids he’s counseling to participate in a role-playing demonstration. Kalman instructs the children to act like bullies and call him a cruel name. When they do, the psychologist acts defensively and the children naturally continue their taunting.

Kalman then has them repeat the exercise, but this time when they call him names, he calmly replies, “Why do you say that?” The kids generally come up with a few more mean responses, to which he replies with more questions and even thanks them for pointing out the “problem.” The teasing quickly becomes no fun and dies out.

Kalman tells kids he counsels it will take a week before they see results. Usually, the taunting will get worse before it gets better, as the bully tries harder to get the victim to react.

If you show a bully you really don’t care how he or she is treating you, Kalman said, the bully will see he doesn’t have any power over you and you may even earn his respect.

Dr. Brown agrees, saying bullies, who enjoy “being able to manipulate somebody else’s behavior,” torment those they know they’ll get a reaction from.

“They seek out kids who they think are more withdrawn, shy, those who are likely not to do anything,” she said, pointing out one way to combat the problem is by boosting a child’s self-confidence.

The former school psychologist suggests parents get their children involved with activities outside of school where they can develop other friendships and feel a sense of pride. “Find things that you know they are good at, or at least enjoy,” she said.

The way a child carries himself also is important, Dr. Brown said, explaining that bullies view kids who are afraid to look them in the eye and always have their heads down as easy targets.

She said parents can coach children on how to carry themselves with a confident attitude. However, she warned, parents must be careful how they go about it; they don’t want to make victims feel like they’re to blame — which will make them feel worse.

Kalman still believes self-confidence develops naturally when victims handle the issue on their own and can say, “I solved the problem all by myself.”