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Democratic presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton has sent her husband,
former President Bill Clinton, on a "special campaign trip" to Antarctica that could
last "six or seven months," Clinton aides confirmed today.

"From here on in, Bill is going to be our man in Antarctica," said top Clinton
strategist Mark Penn. "We have sent him down there with enough food and firewood to
last until the Democratic convention this summer."

The unexpected change in the former president's itinerary happened just hours after
Mrs. Clinton's drubbing in the South Carolina primary, causing some party insiders
to wonder if Mr. Clinton's mission to Antarctica represented something of a
demotion.

The decision to dispatch Mr. Clinton to the South Pole also raised eyebrows because
the continent of Antarctica does not participate in the so-called "Super Tuesday"
primaries on February 5 and sends no delegates to the Democratic National
Convention.

Mr. Penn attempted to tamp down all such speculation, telling reporters, "This race
isn't about votes or delegates, it's about land mass, frozen tundra and penguins."

Mr. Clinton's itinerary change comes on the heels of a controversial incident
Saturday night in which he was discovered bound and gagged in the bathroom of Mrs.
Clinton's campaign plane, his hands tied by what appeared to be the jacket of a
bright yellow pantsuit.

Speaking to reporters with a strip of duct tape still over his mouth, Mr. Clinton
denied that he was being muzzled by the campaign, adding, "Mmmfff mghrmfff
mmbrrfff."

JWR Contributor Andy Borowitz, the first-ever recipient of the National Press Club's Award for Humor, is a former president of the Harvard Lampoon,and a regular humor columnist for Newsweek.com, The New Yorker, The New York Times and TV Guide. Recognized by Esquire magazine as one of the most powerful producers in television, he was the creator and producer of the hit TV series The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and producer of the Oscar-nominated film Pleasantville.