3 Ways Gossip Can Actually Be Good for You

From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that gossiping is hardwired into our makeup. Back in the day, men would leave for their hunting-and-gathering duties, and women stayed home with other women in the "group" to raise the children. Sharing information about others was the main way to form connections and, in turn, receive important intel (and resources like food) from the group.

Bur how does gossip affect our personal and professional relationships today? And how much is too much?

“For people in relationships, gossiping can actually be a wonderful pressure release valve and can actually strengthen connection, intimacy and bonding, which are essential in love relationships,” she says. “It permits partners to laugh, to swap opinions on people and to feel each other out on interesting or juicy topics.”

According to Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of Don’t Bring It to Work, gossip purveyors are in a power position. “Those who have the ‘dirt’ first are often seen as leaders, the go-to guy or gal,” she says. The key is to stick with benign gossip, which has a short shelf life (i.e. I hear John might be promoted or Did you hear the latest on Tiger Woods?), unlike mean character attacks, which tend to get uglier over time and backfire when it comes to your reputation.

“Gossip is simply a terms for ‘social bonding,'” says Lafair. “It is a way to be included, and to feel like part of the group.” All of this makes your social bond stronger. Gossip’s purpose, at its core, is to circulate information about others, which helps police behavior — helping you hone your moral compass so you can actually be a better friend.

So, when should you zip it? Experts say the key is to use gossip for the betterment of your group. Go ahead and share good news gossip (For example: “I think Kate is sporting a baby bump!”), but don’t spread negative gossip unless you’re sure it’s true. And even then, you might want to think twice.