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Is it Okay to Lie About your Age, Weight, or Anything?

eharmony Staff

July 22, 2008

Ever feel like it’s a jungle out there? The truth is, the dating scene can be intimidating, frustrating, and full of rejection at times. Like it or not, online daters have been known to judge potential partners based on such superficialities as age, looks, and material possessions. So is it ever okay to lie about these things? And if so, when and where do you draw the line?

The following guidelines may help you decide whether or not to avoid the truth about certain superficialities before your next online dating encounter.

Weigh the Pros and Cons

Obviously, if you feel that your age or any other superficial factor is knocking you out of the dating game, the temptation to lie will be strong. On the pro side, by shaving a few years off your age, taking a few pounds off your weight, or adding to your income, you may just find yourself back in the game. You may even be considered the catch that you are! However, on the con side, you’ve just misrepresented yourself to a perfect stranger. If you hit it off, how can you “fess up” without looking like a liar? And when, exactly, do you schedule your big reveal?

Put yourself in the Other Person’s Shoes

Before you change your age, income, body type, or whatever on your online dating profile to try to make yourself more appealing, ask yourself this: How would you feel if someone misrepresented something about themselves on their profile? There’s a big difference between erasing a few birthdays and lying about your marital status or whether you’ve had children. But really, where’s the line? And how do you know if and when you’ve crossed it? Dating is tough enough when everyone’s completely honest with one another. It just gets that much trickier when you start blurring the truth in hopes of being found more attractive.

What’s Really Keeping you Single?

Here’s something else to ponder: Is it your age, weight, or simply your state of mind that’s keeping you single? There’s no such thing as being the wrong age, weight, or income level to be single, interesting, and available. However, if you’ve got the mind-set of a cranky old maid/man or a lazy couch potato, or if you’ve stopped enjoying life to the fullest, it may be your attitude that’s keeping you from finding and attracting others. What’s a savvy single to do? Focus on adjusting your state of mind. Find ways to fall in love with your life again. Get involved in new hobbies, activities, interests. Reengage yourself in the world around you. By doing so, you’ll most likely reignite your zest for life, and in turn, that personal passion will make you incredibly attractive to others.

Reevaluate your Situation

If you really believe that something superficial is knocking you out of the dating game, rather than lie about your age, weight, or other trait, you may need to reevaluate how you feel about yourself. If past experience tells you that something about you is unattractive, you have a choice. Believe it and give up, or change your reality. How? By getting really honest with yourself. Take a look in the mirror. Are you happy with how you look? While you can’t turn back the hands of time, you can make some subtle and necessary changes to best present yourself. For example, update your look to something fresh, modern, and age appropriate. Get a new hair cut, color, and style. Invest in a few new wardrobe pieces that celebrate your body. And speaking of bodies, how do you feel about yours? Regardless of your age, you should love your body. If you need to, join a gym or hire a personal trainer. While you’ll never again achieve the body of a 20-year-old, you can become more fit and trim, making yourself feel fabulous in the process and attracting the opposite sex like crazy!

At the end of the day, it’s not about how young/thin/rich you are or pretend to be, but how you feel about yourself and your life. As hokey as it sounds, who you are is nothing more than a state of mind. Rather than feel like you have to apologize for who you are, it’s up to you to embrace your life, wrinkles, cellulite, debt, and all. Instead of lying in order to attract someone who might never appreciate the real you, give yourself permission to celebrate you and your amazing life. There are plenty of wonderful individuals out there who would consider themselves lucky to get to know you and date you. Those are the kinds of partners you want to attract in the first place, not someone you need to lie to in order to impress, woo, or attract. By loving yourself first, you show the rest of the world how to treat you – with kindness, care, and compassion.