Tag Archives: dating

I’ve always believed that my acting as a bitch helps me filter out people who have no capacity to look beyond. Wearing skimpy clothes and acting like a slut who can be screwed anytime reveals more of others’ motivations, not to mention weaknesses that they do nothing about.

There are just a few points I’d like to highlight in this post (which I don’t normally do for the fear of confusing and boring you).

1. On Motivations. It’s a normal thing to find people looking at you, one yes to appreciate (which is totally fine); and second to ogle. Can someone who cannot even control his eye movement be trusted with his insatiable predatory thing? Again, it’s normal, expected, given. Yet I never knew that an in-your-face hurts twice as much.

2. On looking beyond. Last night I was having one of my deepest conversations with Prinzel, and experienced how foundational differences could really crack our heads while trying to understand what the other person says. In a long-running relationship, we don’t necessarily have to reach a compromise right then and there; we can continue to know and mold each other as we go on. Isn’t that what they call friendship?

3. On Relation-ality. So there are people who don’t look beyond and only see your boobs. For me, the biggest frustration is not having known someone given an enormous opportunity. All of a sudden, I am haunted again by the feeling that “I do not exist.” Despite my efforts at trying to engage and reveal myself (“because I know that I am a person of value and that I have something valuable to offer the world”), I still feel disconnected.

4. Nonetheless. I would continue to do what I do. In the same way that I’m thankful to Girl C for her call, I thank Prinzel for reassuring that I am not wasting my life (my time and all other investments in trying to help people grow, not because they’re ‘un-grown’, but because people ought to be happy). Apparently, she’s disturbed now and equally feeling disconnected; but I’m sure she has expanded.

5. On a Gentleman. Prinzel was still struggling with strong attraction (largely sexual) for a guy who “functionally” (as opposed to “technically”) has a girlfriend. A guy who gives in to flirtations. No matter how us girls blatantly say, “If you’re not serious just stay away from me. Because if you don’t, I’m gonna be drawn to you. If you don’t know me, don’t act as if you care. I’m freakin’ attracted to you, please refrain from seducing me,” they don’t seem to get the point. And that’s what we will call “taking advantage,” where accepting the implicit offer is more than convenient, practical and pleasurable. But there are still gentlemen out there who say NO. Basic respect, thank you. To the rest, thanks, but no thanks.

I’m kind of in an Ooops I did it again situation, but not really. Maybe if I didn’t learn from a young boy who broke a bit of my heart. The thing about mistakes is you should not do them twice. Yet most of the time when sweet mistakes are blossoming, we turn off our discernment antenna and use the tip of our tongue. It may be the same situation, but the ending is worth more than the big picture sometimes, is it not?

I don’t know where men have gotten the idea that men are excused for inexcusable behavior.“I’m a man, you know.” Worse I guess is, “I’m just a man,” pertaining not to the human species but to male hormones, as if they are infested with some kind of inborn disease.

What’s more, a guy might tell you, “You know what? I’m a good guy. If I wasn’t, I would have taken advantage of you.” For me, there’s not a significant difference between a man’s belief system when he is sober and when he is drunk; he just has more guts to voice it out. How many of us think that we are manipulative enough to command the world according to our wishes? What we often don’t see is the thing that commands respect, fear and hesitation.

I’m not a typical good girl myself, I guess. I talk shit too, in front of a typical guy. No, I think at those moments, I just become a typical girl. Predictable, forgettable. Who starts the typical conversation? The typical guy, or a girl who may be mirroring a typical guy?

Btw guys, it’s not about you being typical men; nor my social experiment and natural interest in the workings of the human species. It can be an invitation to be atypical.

“It’s part of being boyfriend-girlfriend. Don’t you love me? You have to prove it. Don’t worry I’ll take care of you. Not ready, please that’s BS. You’re boring.”

All these I’ve heard on local tv, radio, Hollywood movies; and it’s sad how young girls (mainly) brush it off as if it’s not important. “He just raped me in the car. He said I shouldn’t act as if I don’t like it. Why went there in the first place.” That’s a friend’s friend casually talking about her boyfriend. One boy even told me that going to a boy’s apartment means only one thing, more so spending the night there.

You're Sold

About 3 years ago I was amazed that it’s possible to just lie in bed and have a good conversation. Being ultra young, I was scared to even go there to just “watch a movie.” Really, how can you tell someone that you just want to spend time with him to know him? How can you tell that someone wants the same? How can you trust someone in going into the dark only to find that you’ve been sold?

I think most girls only see what they want to believe (me included, on some occasions). It’s such a nice world to only have to deal with Prince Charming, which according to Wikipedia, is more of a reward than a character. When we get too short-sighted about rewards of a happy-ever-after ending, we miss things that get us raped. It’s our responsibility to sort good fruits from bad fruits, to protect the stomach, to protect the soul.

I’m not being hypocrite here, hormones were there. He would tell me what he wanted, his frustrations and even provoke (which, I didn’t quite understand at that time, weird I know). I knew something was happening to my body, in my body, something I was scared of because I couldn’t understand what was going on.

All I’m saying is that a good man can tell what you want, what you understand, and what you’re forced to do. Had he not given that kind of respect, I don’t know if I can look back and feel gratitude for what had been.

Since high school, I was never a fan of courtship. Just a quick background, in my language, courtship is panli-ligaw (making ligaw). Ligaw in another context means being lost, mislead, or in some graver context, it is used as being astray from the path of good life.

Best foot forward.Disclaimer: I think I have to ask forgiveness first to the person involved in this post. This is not really about you, or what happened. I hope you can see through it all. Thank you, for everything! (and the title is of course, for readership purposes haha)

I don’t have to go through the rules of dating. Actually here’s a blog that is dedicated to that. And maybe you’d like to watch the movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

Anyway, I decided to give dating a chance. You know, going out with someone “just to see,” and not really because you want to see that person.

The so-called rule: If you hold a girl’s hand and she doesn’t take it back, she’s yours. If she does, then she’s not.

I just like messing up with rules. I find great satisfaction when I break rules and prove someone that these only exist in his head. For me this is a moment of grace to anyone.

So how about taking my hand back, and not taking it back, alternatively? It helps me see through people — Who’s subjecting me to his rules and who’s open and vulnerable enough to just see through me.It’s such a hassle when someone escapes our templates; but if we really like/want that person, we will exercise patience so that she can unfold and be seen in her own light. Not through the light of our projections, conventions, stereotypes, templates, expectations, desires, assumptions, preference, convenience…

As I go about daily life and feel a sudden bout of emptiness (or dryness), I can’t help but long for a love-life. I don’t know how this phrase functions in other contexts, but over here, it’s used like, “How’s your love-life?”

Love is unarguably the opposite of emptiness, barrenness, of lifelessness. So we try to manufacture the feelings of love as much as we can, basically to leave no space for lack thereof.

I wanna have a boyfriend. Better yet, “I wanna have a boy.” Poor boy, his sole existence would be to quench my thirst.