Sunday, November 18, 2007

i have this terrible feeling inside me. i feel so awful inside, i think i was slowly dying. i couldn't see the fun of life. it's so awful...the hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach..the feeling that is so distressful..i feel so cold,yet so warm...sad yet emotionless...i dont even know where this empty feeling comes from. it is just there. i feel like everything is going wrong and that nothing will ever go right.

I've been feeling pretty empty inside. It's almost a physical sensation. I feel like my life has no real purpose, like I'm not going to amount to anything special. I often feel as if there is something very heavy and dark balled inside my chest. It's almost as if it both physically and mentally weighs me down....Part of me feels totally lonely. Like I have nobody to share this world with. Sometimes I love that feeling, and sometimes it depresses me. I have one friend around here with whom I can share my thoughts, and she shares hiers with me. If I didn't have anyone to share thoughts with, I think my head would implode...

the world seem so so dark and unfriendly..feels like i have nothing to look forward to. the hurt deep inside me that gradually crushing my good mood...sadness that make me feel like crying..that sometimes its so hard to stop the tears....i feel so alone..i want someone to comfort me or keep me company while i go through this emptiness..talk to me...and help me melt those sadness away...

what am i searching for? what am i seeking? when will i find it?......

I am looking for contentment of the spiritual kind. Am I on the right path ?when i will i find true happiness and what makes me truly happy???

yesterday..i received an instant message from someone i don't know who....asked me where my display image was taken for she like "daw" the water current..and i can't blame her for most of my friends are asking me where was that...i didn't answer the question of that person instead, i asked her who she is...but i just got the reply earlier this morning....and she told me that she is a girl from the past i do not want to have communication with anymore..she is a member of an org i was once belong to...

i really can smell something fishy with her intention of adding me up..i blocked them all on my yahoo mess account...i was just wondering why on earth she sign up for another account and out of the blue she'll pop up asking me where that place is?and then add me as her contact?for almost a year with no communication with them?for almost a year of being in the pedestal of shame they built for me?now that i am contented with my real friends?now that i am through and have had moved on with that pace of my life?bigla na lang sila magpaparamdam?using another nick?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

I am wondering at this very minute if you are thinking of me , if like me, you are wondering what is taking us so long to find each other . Many times I thought I finally found you only to be disillusioned by the fact that my wait has not yet ended . I get up each morning hoping, dreaming, longing to meet you. I am thinking of how we will meet, would it be as romantic as the ones I have seen in movies? Or is it possible that I have known you all my life but we have yet to realize that we are meant for each other? Oh how I wish you were here right now because you are the only one who has the answers to all my questions.

Sometimes I ask myself if I have ever really known "love". I do not have the answer to that question either but I believe that, more often than not, we will never really know what love is until we find that right person.... and since I have not found you yet, then maybe I do not really know what love is!

You just don't know how often I dream of finally knowing what it feels like to be in your arms. Even at this very moment I am imagining how you will simply sweep me off my feet! Perhaps I would be drawn to you by your smile, or your eyes, or maybe even how you manage to make me laugh by your silly little ways! I don't really know for sure but I am praying that God will help me recognize you when the right time comes.

I think of all the pain that I have gone through in the past and of how much I have cried since the day I began my search. I just wanted you to know that I find my strength in clinging onto my vision of the beautiful life ahead of me --- the life I shall spend with you. In my mind and in my heart I know that you are worth all that pain and sacrifice. After all, the tears have become a part of my life and I believe that they are slowly washing away my flaws so that I would become perfect, not perfect in its truest sense, but perfect --- for YOU!

I wonder if you've gone through so much pain as well. I wonder if you've been hurt so many times along the journey. But my dearest one, please don't ever give up because I am right here... patiently waiting for you! I assure you that when we finally find each other I would slowly heal those wounds by my love.

At night, I would look out my window and stare at the beautiful sky, hoping that somehow you are also looking up and wondering about me. I utter a silent prayer and send all my cries to the heavens above thinking that in time they would reach you. And when I feel impatient, I just close my eyes and believe that you are on your way and that you are longing to see me as well. It is funny but when I finally fall asleep, it is still you that I think of, for you are always in my dreams.

It seems that, for now, that is the only place where I can hold on to you, long enough to tell you how much I love you. In my dreams you would kiss away my fears and wrap me with your arms of love. And this, all the more, makes me want to wake up and face the new day ahead with the hope that soon enough, you will no longer be a dream but a reality and once again I am assured that you are worth the wait.

And when that time comes, everything will fall into its place, just as I had imagined, just as I had thought and dreamed, just as I had believed it would be! By then, I would simply look back and smile at all that I have gone through, in spite of the pain and amidst the simple joys of life --- and I would be very thankful because they all led me to you! In the meantime, take care of yourself for me. Hold on to our dream and don't even think of letting go. Believe in your heart that we will find each other no matter what happens. God has planned the course and it is up to us to follow the directions. Don't worry, don't be afraid about getting lost, God saw to it that all the roads, no matter which one you choose to follow, lead to me.

Friday, November 9, 2007

It feels sad being alone. I think sad is an understatement...when it becomes so grave, the sadness turns into loneliness...and if there's something lonelier than the word Lonely, that's the perfect word to describe the feeling. Some say that being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're also lonely. It's relative. I think. The more friends I gain, the more I feel alone. It's so cold and having someone means no more coldness, no more being alone, no more gloomy days...It's different when you have someone who will always be with you no matter how hideous and ugly you are, no matter how dumb and stupid your ways are, no matter how corny your jokes are. It's really different...friends wouldn't suffice this time. Being alone is a sad, shady and dark state to be at. Especially when you see people happy together, you start to compare yourself to them. How content and happy they are, and how sad, lost and miserable you are. You would even reach to a point of pretending that you're happy...and the only way for you to escape the shame is just be ALONE. Sometimes I would just hide and conceal myself...for people not to see me alone. Self denial comes in...Fighting the sad truth of solitude is like accepting the fact that no matter how you struggle for something, you'll still end up losing...

Hearing love songs only give you sad memories of the past...not because of anything, but for the sole reason of you failing...Failing to succeed in a relationship and because of that failure, up until now, you're alone...still ALONE. A bitter dose of this so called reality.

I miss falling in love. I miss saying I love you to someone...I miss the feeling of missing someone...Of loving someone...being hurt not because I'm sad...being disappointed not because I am alone...I miss FEELING. It's just so unfair…life is really unfair.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

10:30 am....we were in a bus bound for region 2....yiiih!!!!i was soo excited to reach home!!!!haaayz!!!!i miss my "pamangkins" and my cousins....my friends way back elementary and high school....and the cool fresh air.....

the usual 8 hour trip to vizcaya took us almost 10 hours because of the traffic at plaridel, bulacan and cabanatuan city, nueva ecija....haaay...kapagod!!!

november 1....

i woke up at 6am and went straight home....i slept over at ate gay's(ajah's elder sister)house for we reached the barrio already 2 in the morning and our compound was too dark..they are all fast asleep....hmmm..takot ako maglakad papasok sa amin kasi may multo dun e...nyahahah!!!true!!may multo dun...

i went straight to antie cora's house to see my newest pamangkin to joana..my 19 year old cousin(inunahan na ako...)..hmm the baby was soo cute!!!!grabe!!!buti na lang nagmana sa lahi anmin..maganda!!!nyahaha!!!

around 11 in the morning i went to bayombong with ate jang(my cousin-in-law)..we fetched my little sister in ate jang's house where she lives..and went staright to the cemetery to visit my uncle's tomb...

at 4pm we went back to solano....i visited my friends and gee!!!i saw my first love!!!!hmmm....no more jittery feelings!!swear!!!i miled at him and i caught him staring at me the way he used to...na para bang sinasabi nya na namimiss na ako!!!waaah!!!!assuming!!!!

at 6pm i met with my friend dhex...as usual...we ate lomi at the childrens park..

at 3pm..we went to solano cemetery to visit my father's, aunt's and grandma's tomb....

at 5..prax went to straight home....and i as usual went to my friend, ate lai's place..unfortunately she wasn't there...i've waited till 6 and decided to go home...when i was waiting for a tricycle..tette(my first bf's nick) who was ate lai's neighbor went outside...smiled at me and remarked"ui!!naka red!!baka sumabog tayo..soulmate talag tayo!!", heheheh...i smiled....and i think i blushed...kasi lumabas ung asawa nya and narinig ung sinabi ni tette..

november 3...aja and her family and i went to mapalyao falls...yiiiiiiih!!i missed that place!!!as in!!!wow!!!!ang ganda!!!here are the pics....

sa may bato yan....sa tinatalunan namin...

..

this one was taken from the hanging bridge..may hanging bridge po jan na dalawa....

hmmm..ilan lang yan....i fell inlove with the place the first time i went there when i was in 2nd year high school... november 4...went to market and bought some veggies for our stocks here.. at 9:45...was in a baliwag bus bound for sampaloc... november 5...at 5am...arrived at apartment.....back to the city again!!!!

Monday, October 29, 2007

yesterday was his birthday....the man who used to make me smile with no reasons at all....the man who gave me the sweetest smile i've ever seen....tha man who used to be my life...

just sad that i can't even greet him on his special day.....so i just whispered my birthday wides for hin through Our God Almighty....that his wishes be granted and that may He guide him through his journey...that may He give him enough strength to face all the challenges he will be going through...

kahit di mo to mabasa...i am wishing you all the best taht you deserve..

the more i wanted to move on..is the more i find it hard to get through.......

i long to see your face again....to look into your eyes and see.......the love that is meant for me.......

i've been pretending i am ok......because i want to hide from the feeling.......instead i find myself in tears and in deep pain....

i feel so alone and lonely............

and emptiness lingers in my heart........i know our hearts still wanted to hold on.........to the love we have......

i dont know how and i dont know when.....or if this will ever end..........

letting you go is too painful for me........i know you're hurt too and i can see it.............in your eyes............

i did'nt want this to end..........someday hapiness will find its way to our hearts..........when all that our heart could wish for will be given in God's perfect time..........i still think of you as often as i breathe..........thank you for the gift of love..........

i treasure you in my heart........and there you will be kept.........where nobody can ever replace you........

*this poem is not originally mine...i was just the editor!!eheheh...this is a poem gave to me by my first love....the guy who hurt me the most but i know he loved me the most....

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Desperate Housewives' Teri Hatcher SLURS FilipinosPosted by RoMa on Oct 2, '07 4:55 AM for everyoneIn the Premiere of Desperate Housewives Teri Hatcher made a remark about Filipinos - doctors/nurses. She was talking to her doctor and then she said "Okay, before we go any further, can I check those diplomas? 'Coz I would just like to make sure they are not from some med school in the Philippines."------Dear Kababayan and Allies:I heard through the grapevine about a remark made on an episode of "Desperate Housewives" last night. The scene entailed Teri Hatcher's character (Susan) at a hospital, being told by her gynecologist that she might be hitting menopause. Susan replied, "Can I just check those diplomas because I just want to make sure that they are not from some med school in the Philippines." If you go to abc.com, you watch the full episode and witness the scene at about 18:50 minutes into the episode.This type of derogatory remark is not only unnecessary and hurtful, but is also unfounded, considering the presence of Filipinos and Filipino Americans in the health care industry. Filipinos are the second largest immigrant population in the United States, with many entering the U.S. and passing their U.S. licensing boards as doctors, nurses, and medical technicians. In fact, the Philippines produces more U.S. nurses than any other country in the world. So, to belittle the education, experience, or value of Filipino Americans in health care is disrespectful and plain and simply ignorant.As Filipino Americans, we need to band together to ensure that this type of hateful message is not allowed to continue on our television and radio airwaves. Given the recent amounts of media attention that has been given to Michael Richards (against African Americans), Isaiah Washington (against gays), and Rosie O'Donnell (against Asian/ Chinese Americans), it is ridiculous that this type of hateful speech made it through various screenwriters, the show's producers, the show's actors, and ABC itself. Yet, this isn't the first time that negative remarks have been made about the Philippines or Filipinos in the past. In recent years, we've heard one too many "dogeater" comments by "comedian" Joan Rivers on the red carpet or in her standup act, and I believe that it is about time that we stand up for ourselves, so that this type of hateful speech never happens again.Please join me in expressing your concern, disappointment, and/or disgust to the producers of ABC.com. You can sign the petition at http://www.petitiononline.com/FilABC/ or you can reach them directly at abc7@abc.com.And please feel free to forward this widely to other Filipinos/Filipino Americans/ Asian Americans/ and other allies.Sincerely,Kevin Nadal,Filipino Performance Artist/ Activistknadal@gmail.com

first day of October, twas rainy monday..i was reading John Grisham's THE CLIENT but i can't concentrate on waht i was reading. there are lots of memoirs that kept ringing on my mind. i turned on the television set and just kept on switching channels..still those memories keep on coming...i grabbed my pen and paper and jot down everything in my mind.

October, the second BER months and the real start of low temperature. time for school breaks and have some fun..

'twas October last year when the super typhoon MILENYO hit the country. left thousands homeless due to the heavy rain that caused landslides in the BICOL REGION, VISAYAS, METRO MANILA, TAGALOG REGIONS and some part in NORTHERN LUZON. Cavite was one of the worst hit by the typhoon that the administrator cancelled classes in all scholl levels including the prestigious police academy in that place..'twas October last year when i had this memorable moment spent with my "one-and-only" back then. the moment i was the happiest despite the strong typhoon.

'twas also the same month when we broke up and brought me to tears..but it was also that time when i met this someone, a very special friend that brightens up my day... a man who brought me up from deep shallow...from the world of blue...the man behind all the smiles despite all the hurts and pains caused by intrigues and insults and nasty rumors about me by the an org i was once belong to.. the man who taught me to be strong and to believe in myself..

'twas also the same month when my pretty boss ajah landed a job as EDI SUPPORT at GXS in Makati...;twas October last year when Lalaine ran away from us with a cash and some 2nd hand mobile units costing around 60,000 pesos..and it was October last year when ajah lost her first love..her boyfriend for 2years..

in a month's time many died..many cried..we've lost a lot..i think jinx came in the way on OCTOBER 2006..

i hope and pray that what happened October last year won't happen again...

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

September 24, 8pm, rainy and on a jeepney bound for Lagro loob along Sto. Domingo Church, Quezon Avenue, when a young policeman ctopped the jeep i am in and got the driver's liscense. the offense? "WRONG ROUTE.." "Lagro-Delta ka lang ha?Bakit andito ka na?Sto. Domingo pa lang to, punong puno ka pa.Akin lisensya mo, the cop said. the driver tried to explain that his route is Quiapo-Lagro and showed the cop his permit. but the cop insisted to get the liscense of the driver. the driver then asked for an apology to us, (his passengers), then he got out of the jeep to talk to the cops who parked their mobile a hundred meter away from us. then in a quarter minute the driver came back scratching his nape, "Lecheng mga pulis mga yan o, tingin ko sa kanila mga demonyo na e. sinabi namang Quiapo-Lagro ang ruta ko, pinakita ko na nga ang permit ko ayaw pa ring amniwala. binibigyan ko ng 200 ayaw kunin.binigyan ko ng 400 kinuha.leche, 150 lang ung dapat multa ko dun e. buti pa mmda pangkape lang ok na", the driver remarked as he got up the jeep.i lerned from the driver that earlier that day couple of policemen "hold-up" (drivers refers to call the cops as holdupper) him again for 300pesos in an offense he doesn't know.

it's sad..really sad..knowing that the cop is from the prestigious academy..i saw the bullring wearing around his middle finger..i saw it when he got the driver's liscense...i was seating beside the driver...the young cop is good looking...and a fafalicious!!!hehehe.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

when i was just a little kid,the only channel our tv had was gma where you belong...the logo is still the rainbow where in a silver statue spread his arms wide then the rainbow comes out...our neighbors too only watched hma shows then..

and now..i confess i still do prefer watched kapuso shows on daytime and on QTV rather than on kapamilya..but kapamilya shows invade the television set on primetime..

NETWORK WAR is really an issue here. comparing one's rating to another..claiming the no.1 slot....the best station....but who really is the NUMBER 1?

SWITCHING OF STARS sometimes invade the news..like when ANGEL LOCSIN moved to kapamilya...we all know that Angel is a product of the kapuso network...made her the star she is now....Angel's decision to move to the kapamilya network really did brought a month long headline in showbusiness...anjan ung sinabihan siyang walang utang na loob..na nagpalaglag..etc..etc....then the kapamilya now claims that Angel Locsin really started on them..on ANG TV..dun daw siya nagsimula...but what is new?ganun namn sila talaga di ba?when an artist is already a star..a star made by the other network,they'll try to get them as their talent.offering them 3times the other network can give them..we all know that kapamilya is richer than the kapuso network....then pag talent na nia ang isang artista na pinasikat ng kabila,sasabihin na nilang WELCOME BACK!!!dahil dun namn daw talag sila nagsimula..

dun sila nagsimula..di sumikat...pumasok sa kabila at siyay sumikat...nang siya'y sikat na bumalik sa kanyang pinagmulan sa mas mataas na bayad...i can't blame them for switching mother networks..they just want a "greener pasture"..sa hirap ba anmn ng buhay ngayon di ba?pero is it ethical to leave the company who made you who you are now for a bigger money?

where's the LOYALTY?

(ahurm!!!bakit LOYALTY NA?AKALA KO NETWORK WAR ITO?)

goin back to the real topic....the two major networks in our country kept on claiming that they are the number one and the best tv station...

the author ms.frances marie doplon is an effective critic...she created a chaos on that simple movie review on her blog...KIMERALD(derived from KIM-GERALD) kept on posting nasty comments on that blog..some wants her to delete it...some even said that gma 7 bribe her..hellar!!!it ws just a movie review..

pati ba namn sa blog may network war?

and then there's this commentator...post many comments using different names..but only one email add and IP add..whoah!!baliw na ata ang KIMERALD?!!!

enewiz..what's the purpose of this blog?hmmm..ewan!!!ala lang kasi ako maisip e..but if this blog wil create havoc like the one that ms.doplon created..i will be glad to read you comments guys..

i always had this dream at night, i was walking down a steepy road. wandering where th eroad will take me.wandering where am i and what i was doin' there.i continued the journey hoping for someone or some place i am familiar with. then suddenly, the steepy road became a paradise. a place where the most bautiful flowers grew, in all sizes and colors with butterflies flying all over the palce. and in the middle of the paradise, i saw the trees. the trees i used to glance at everytime i passed by when i go home in province. i wonder why it was there?those trees are standing in the middle of a ricefield in Brgy. Lactawan, Solano Nueva Vizcaya. a place i passed by before i reached ours. in my dream, i saw my man standing under those trees. i rushed to him, hugged him tight as if i don't want to let him go, and kissed him. as always, he kissed me on my forehead, then on my cheeks, then on my lips. i can feel the warmth, the tenderness and the love he used to give me. the promise he gave me still brought joy to me. i've longed for his hug, for his kiss, for his voice and for his smile i used to love. the sweetest smile i've ever seen and ever been given to me. i was so bliss. never have imagined to be back on his arms once again..and always wishing to be with him forever. tears fell from his eyes as he whispered his love for me..whispering sweet nothings with him is still the best things i've always cherished. he hugged me tight as if it was the only thing to do. then my tears fell when he told me he's sorry. and slowly he fades away..i cried out his name..i felt that i will never see him again..

then i woke up and can never go back to sleep again. why is he still on my dreams..the kisses, the hugs, the seetnothings...i thought we're really in a paradise....but then.it was just a dream...a dream still kept on coming back...am i still hurting?or am i missing him a lot?

the trees in the middle is the one i mentioned above...i never misses to glance at those trees in the middle...it's as if telling me that in the middle of wilderness there is someone bigger or stronger you can lean upon.....

“Would you mind to transfer here? I feel dizzy when I don’t sit beside the window. Please?”

“Okay..” I answered and do her plea. And this time I glance at her.

“oh thank you! How nice of you.” The stranger with a sweet smile painted on her lips.

I am on a bus bound for Nueva Vizcaya to attend to my cousin’s wedding… and to mend a broken heart. My hometown would be the best place for me. Fresh air, quiet and specially be with my family.

Three years of sacrifice in a foreign land for a brighter future… For my would be family with Lizzy. Si Lizzy na pinag-alayan ko ng buong pagmamahal.. I thought she loves me the way or more than I did. Lahat ng pagmamahal, pagtitiwala..ibinigay ko ang lahat lahat sa kanya… “Oh Lizzy!! Where’s your promise? Iba na talga ang mundo ang takbo ng mundo ngayon. Babae na ang nang iiwan…ang nananakit ng damdamin.. what hurts me more is that the father of the kid…of all people!!! Bakit kay Mike pa? mike who has been my bestfriend since freshman high school?”

“Here’s my hanky…” said the stranger.. Oh God!! I was crying?!!

“Problem?”, she asked..again with that sweet smile. The sweetest smile I’ve ever seen!!

“Sort of.. Thanks for this!”, I answered referring to her hanky.

“Walang anuman. Care to share me what’s bothering you?”

“Nope. I’m sorry I can’t. it’s to personal to talk about it with a stranger like you.”

“hmmm.. let me guess..heart problem?” I didn’t answer. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep… to let her know that I am not interested to talk o her. TSISMOSA!!

“I almost died..”she continued..”I want to kill them both… I gave him my love.. I trusted him..all my life I’ve never been betrayed..and I never thought that the man I love the most was the first one to betray me.. I love him so much that I am willing to give him everything…” she paused and still no answer from me.

“But then I come to realize that maybe were not meant to be. That I don’t deserve him.. that a better one was there for me..”

She paused…maybe she thought I am already asleep. But every word from her sinks in me. Why? We have the same faith! My girl was bearing my best friend’s baby!!.. this petite stranger beside me.. with the sweetest smile. Angelic face. Looks so vulnerable just accepted hr faith as easy as that..so why can’t i?

“He’s my everything.. siya ang buhay ko… pero dati yun. Tinuring ko na lang na isa syang bangungot. I don’t want to live my life with the past. I have to move on.. I have to live my life without him…”,she paused..

“Hmmm..alam ko nakikinig ka. Don’t ruin your life. If you two are really meant for each other, destiny will find it’s way in bringing you two back in each other’s arms again..”

I was really amazed by this petite stranger. How could she talk about those things with stranger like me?.. tsismosa lang ba talaga ito o madaldal lang talaga?

“Life doesn’t end where heartaches begin.. that’s what I’ve learned. It is again the beginning you know? Simula ng panibagong buhay.. panibagong pag-asa. I’ve learned a lot from my past relationship. Though it really hurts, we have to forgive and forget. It is where we can find true happiness and most specially have faith in God. He knows everything. He’ll never send you into situation alone. He’s just up there waiting for you to call.. paraan lamang Nya siguro yanpara maalala mo Siya..”

I opened my eyes and look at the stranger. Again she smiled. Kakaiba talaga siya sa mga babaeng nakilala ko. She really talks a lot.. but with sense.

“Yeah you’re right!! I can’t remember when was the last time I talked to Him.” Pag amin ko..

“Thanks for listening. Everything happens for a reason. Have faith in God. In Him we can find real happiness. Just trust Him okay? He’s waiting for your call. See you some other time, I hope!!!and sana when that time comes,magsalita ka na din ha? Bye.. good luck!!”she waved goodbye and smile at me again!

“whoah!! Kakaiba talag ang babaeng un!! Nobody talked to me that way. Even my mom never talked to me the way she did!!”

“uh-oh!mama para po!!” I shout and in a few second, the bus stopped. I rode in a tricycle and drove back to junction where the stranger stopped.. but she’s nowhere to be found! I forgot to ask her name. how ungentlemanly of me! And then I remembered the hanky she gave me.. it was still on my pocket.. and then I went home..

“Later… I’ll introduce myself to her later.come on! The ceremony’s about to begin.” I answered. Honestly, I am not interested to meet that Lorraine.

A few minutes later, wedding march is on the air. The sweet soulful voice of the wedding singer made me shiver. I can’t understand why. Maybe I am just hallucinating.. I thought I saw the stranger at the entourage.

“cous, this is it! Finally, I will tie the knot with the woman I love the most. I hope you’ll be the next, soon!”. Chester said as he waits for his bride… I just smiled at him.

“that’s Lorraine..” he said referring to the bride’s maid.

I glanced at the entourage and I was shocked! I thought I ws just hallucinating a while ago..

Lorraine…the maid of honor..Marie’s best friend… and the stranger with a sweet smile.. oh! God! I can’t believe it! I told myself…

I never thought that our paths will cross again. Never thought that she’s the bride’s maid from Nueva Ecija..

As she walked down the aisle, I smiled at her.. hoping to see the sweetest smile I’ve ever seen…

Simply Being....

Rhainne Angel

being me is a hell lot of sacrifices. been living my life with a lot of it..and i am greatful enough because those sacrifices turned me into what i am now..a tough and strong lady...and with a striking personality....