because it's hard not to smile when you're skipping

Caffeine Free Living

When I decided to give up coffee for the month, the mere thought of it overwhelmed me. It sent me into a bit of a panic. But looking back, I think that just might’ve been all the caffeine in my bloodstream.

The first day was tough. I didn’t know what to do in the morning. I reluctantly got out of bed. I begrudgingly boiled water and squeezed some lemon juice into it. I sat and sipped, wrapping my hands around my mug, hoping that the warm liquid would satisfy my digestive system.

This would be temporary.

I moved through the day with a dull throbbing headache behind my eyes. My energy level was low and my mood was lower. I took a nap. I never take naps!

This went on for three days. Dull headache, dull mood, and the overwhelming desire to nap. Around Day 4 or 5 I decided there was no reason to wake up. No reason to get out of bed. No reason to do anything. What was the point without coffee? Coffee had become my reason for waking.

I did eventually rise, of course. I had my cup of warm lemon water, and I moved through my day. Somewhere around noon (when I normally would have been on my 6th or 7th cup), I realized that I was feeling depressed. Not so much in my mind, but in my entire body. Everything was slightly depressed. Coffee was my anti-depressant!

I had been medicating this bodily depression with copious amounts of coffee for 35 years. I convinced myself that it was necessary to get back on it! I need the stimulant. I’m a better person with coffee! I would definitely go back to coffee next month.

This would certainly be temporary.

Repeatedly reminding myself that this experiment was short lived seemed to lift the fog of depression. It made things a little bit easier.

On Day 7 I realized the headache was completely gone and my energy was coming back.

On Night 8 I realized I hadn’t thought about coffee all day! I was full of energy and I had no desire to nap. This was the day I decided that I had it beat. I got this beat! I don’t need coffee! I’m good without it. Perfectly fine.

Days 10-12 were easy because I was away at Kripalu for a weekend of yoga, lectures and healthy food. I didn’t want or need coffee at all for those three days. When I came home, I was sure that I was done. No more struggle.

By Day 13 I was ready to proclaim it to the world.
I can live without coffee!
I can live without anything!
I am a freaking superhero!No more coffee for me!

On Day 15 I realized that I hadn’t blogged in a while. Then I realized I hadn’t been writing much of anything for the past two weeks. I haven’t been sitting and reading for long stretches of time either. I haven’t been focusing.
I always focused when I was caffeinated. I need it to concentrate! I haven’t been concentrating! Coffee is necessary!

This is definitely going to be temporary.

Today I decided to sit still and write. Be still. Focus. Concentrate. Find your flow. Get inspired. Then I realized that coffee is my muse! It seems I can’t write without it, so I’ll write about my lack of it! Does that count?

I think I might have to go back to coffee. I can’t give it up forever.