Everyone describing themselves as ‘mad’ actually ‘tediously bland’

A study suggests that any person that declares themselves unusual or interesting is probably anything but.

“Yeah, nothing notable,” confirmed Dr. Simon WIlliams.

“Your typical ‘mad’ person is a woman working in a call centre in her late thirties with one or two cats, who spends her weekends watching television or drinking cheap wine in generally appalling nightclubs.

“We found absolutely nobody who spends their free time charging at traffic with a piglet wedged between their teeth, which is disappointing as you can imagine.

“We can put ‘mad’ in the same category as ‘legend’ in terms of words that used to mean something but are now exclusively used by the awful.”

‘Mad’ person, Elizabeth King, said “Oh I’m mad, me.

“Yep, I’m always first on the dancefloor, I laugh loudly after telling a joke I’ve heard from somewhere else, and I own a cat.