We have a hangover from these crazy 2017 headlines

Jackie and Claudia Oshry have great timing. Just before 2017’s biggest and craziest headlines came to light, the two sisters decided to commence the greatest morning talk show of all time and thus turn into sisters and co-hosts in mid-April when The Morning Breath was born. It was literally just days later when Hollywood decided to go insane with its most stunning stories of the year, and since then TMB has been reporting that news live every morning (often as the news is still unfolding).

Below is a list of absurd stories as reported on by The Morning Breath in 2017. They’re the headlines that shook readers and the stories that continue to evolve. If you missed any of these narratives as they happened, check out Jackie and Claudia’s recaps below.

Year of the Gals

You don’t even have to actually see Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins’s Wonder Woman to know that it was the movie of the year, and in turn, a huge win for women. The $100 million it raked in during opening week was the most ever for any female-directed (Patty Jenkins) film, and that fact alone should make women across the country appreciative and truly inspired.

Beyond the United States, Israel proudly claims Wonder Woman herself as its own. Having won the title of Miss Israel in 2004 before heading into the army and becoming a mother of two daughters, Gadot is the warrior that every aspiring superhero should look up to in 2018; and please spread the word to the men in your life that you don’t have to be a woman to believe in female superpowers.

The Morning Breath was particularly affected by the scandal that happened last summer in Mexico. When Warner Bros. halted production to launch an investigation into a sexual encounter between Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson, theories were flying and allegations ran rampant. Olympios, a friend of The Breath, has appeared on the show since the scandal calmed down and confirmed that she and Jackson remain good friends.

Jackie and Claudia became voluntarily involved with the scandal and can now say, “What we couldn’t say at the time is that when it happened, three or four really prominent people in Paradise actually reached out to us. We spoke to them on the phone. They were all really paranoid. They didn’t want anyone to know it was them. We had the same sources as Reality Steve.”

Claudia concludes, “That really legitimized us.”

Early Morning Vachyna

Rob, Rob, Rob. Everyone told him, including the ladies of The Morning Breath, that dating Blac Chyna, let alone having a child with her, was an awful idea. Viewers and Kardashian sisters alike could see trouble looming in the distance, but Rob was just too stubborn and lonely to see the truth beyond his rose-colored glasses.

Within 18 months, Rob Kardashian began dating Blac Chyna — the former girlfriend of Tyga, who was dating Kylie at the time; also Chyna and Tyga have a son together — got engaged, had a baby, broke up, got back together, and then broke up again. Naturally, Rob’s next move was to post private pictures of Blac Chyna on his Instagram that she had sent to him prior. The pictures — exposing her vagina and breasts — were posted in a fit of revenge porn at 8 a.m. California time. Lucky for us, that’s exactly when The Morning Breath goes live, and Claudia and Jackie’s real-time reaction to the nudes was one for the books.

As Rob deserved, Blac Chyna pursued charges against him with famed women’s rights attorney Lisa Bloom by her side. Understandably, everyone seems to have lost track of this drama, and last we heard it was Kylie and Rob together who are suing Blac Chyna for battery, assault, and vandalism.

“Keeping up” is easier said than done.

All Those Assaults

To leave Harvey Weinstein unmentioned would be irresponsible. Winning the award for slime pig of the year, Weinstein took the world by storm when allegations came out from dozens of women in Hollywood, including Ashley Judd, Rose McGowan, Mira Sorvino, and countless others. And that was just the tip of the abominable iceberg. On the heels of Weinstein, other bigly industry leaders came crashing down at the hands of their victims. Kevin Spacey, Charlie Rose, Matt Lauer, Louis C.K., and, most recently, Mario Batali are just a few of the men whose reputations are circling the proverbial drain.

As Time magazine has already done, TMB continues to applaud the women (and men, we see you, Terry Crews) who bravely came forward to share their experiences and save the onslaught of potential next victims.

Don’t forget to tune in to the Golden Globes on January 7 to witness the protest of actresses against the villainous industry. Meryl Streep and more will be donning black gowns to stand in solidarity with the victims, as confirmed on The Morning Breath.

A Royal Happy Ending

Honestly, the world needed this captivating fairy tale to cap off the treacherous 2017. If Matt Lauer and Louis C.K. wouldn’t mind just keeping their pants on for one minute so we can celebrate the engagement of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle without the disruption of a sexual assault push notification.

Whether or not these two lovebirds spent time together outside of the one tennis match they were pictured at together, everyone can trust that Queen Elizabeth has done her due diligence in vetting the American Markle for the royal responsibilities that lie ahead.

The wedding has been confirmed for May 19 (so soon!), and winter break is the perfect time to update passports and plan for spring vacation in London. If there’s one thing we learned from the 2011 nuptials of Prince William and Kate Middleton, waking up at 3 a.m. is just no way to soundly appreciate the refinement and elegance that is the marrying of a royal and a commoner, or in this case, a Hollywood “it” girl.