A group of kindergarten children were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! 'You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.

She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend.'I went to visit my Nana,' he said.'No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People words!'

She then she asked Mitchell what he had done.'I took a ride on a choo choo.'She said, 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to useBig People words.'

She then asked little Zach what he had done.'I read a book,' he replied.'That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said. 'What book did you read?'Zach thought really hard about it, then puffed out his chest with prideand said, 'Winnie the S H I T!'

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!

I know it is Saturday but this can't wait until next friday so enjoy...

Two Red Indians and an Irishman were walking through the woods. All of a sudden one of the Red Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' he called into the cave and listened closely until he heard an answering, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Woooooo! He then tore off his clothes and ran into the cave.

The Irishman was puzzled and asked the remaining Indian what it was all about,. 'Was the other Indian crazy or what?'

The Indian replied 'No, It is our custom during mating season when Indian men see cave, they holler 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' into the opening. If they get an answer back, it means there's a beautiful squaw in there waiting for us.

Just then they came upon another cave. The second Indian ran up to the cave, stopped, and hollered, 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Immediately, there was the answer. 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' from deep inside.

He also tore off his clothes and ran into the opening.

The Irishman wandered around in the woods alone for a while, and then spied a third large cave. As he looked in amazement at the size of the huge opening, he was thinking, 'Hoo, man! Look at the size of this cave! It is bigger than those the Indians found. There must be some really big, fine women in this cave!'

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might 'Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!' Like the others, he then heard an answering call, 'WOOOOOOOOO, WOOOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOO!'

With a gleam in his eye and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave,tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the local newspaper read...............

A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.'How do you know that the cat was dead?' she asked her pupil.'Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,' answered the child innocently.'You did WHAT?' the teacher exclaimed in surprise.'You know,' explained the boy, 'I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and itdidn't move'

And another:

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother wastucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when heasked with a tremor in his voice, 'Mummy, will you sleep with metonight?'The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug.'I can't dear,' she said. 'I have to sleep in Daddy's room.'A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice:'The big sissy.'

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt - then it's bloody hilarious!

1. Key in the first 4 digits of your landline telephone number (but not the area code ) 2. Multiply by 80. 3. Add 1. 4. Multiply by 250. 5. Add the last 4 digits of your telephone number. 6. Add the last 4 digits of your telephone number again. 7. Substract 250. 8. Divide the answer by 2.

We listened to the Big Bands, Jack Benny, and the President's speeches on our radios.

If you saw anything with 'Made in Japan ' on it, it was junk.

The term 'making out' referred to how you did on your school exam.

Pizza Hut, McDonald's, and instant coffee were unheard of.

You could buy a new Chevy Coupe for $600, . . . but who could afford one? Too bad, because gas was 11 cents a gallon.

In my day:

"grass" was mowed,

"coke" was a cold drink,

"pot" was something your mother cooked in and

"rock music" was your grandmother's lullaby.

"Aids" were helpers in the Principal's office,

"chip" meant a piece of wood,

"hardware" was found in a hardware store and

"software" wasn't even a word.

And we were the last generation to actually believe that a lady needed a husband to have a baby. No wonder people call us "old and confused" and say there is a generation gap... and how old do you think I am?

I bet you have this old man in mind...you are in for a shock!

Read on to see -- pretty scary if you think about it and pretty sad at the same time.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement. S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.