Ryan Giggs: A Year On

Each generation has their ‘You always remember where you were when you found out’ moment. For my parents it was the assassination of President Kennedy, for me it was the 9/11 attacks and for the younger generation it was the news of Ryan Giggs infidelity, I remember where I was; my editors office, being told to write a story about Ryan Giggs infidelity. Twelve months has passed since that fateful day but has the nation recovered? Will we ever?

The playgrounds of Manchester are no longer filled with children’s laughter. Time they once used emulating their hero is spent in doors in front of the TV. Some argue that this has nothing to do with the star; rather it is caused by the Government selling the land to make more car parks. But they are still technically parks and nobody is playing.
Father of five Tom Matthews places the blame firmly on the United Winger; “Who are the kids meant to up look up to now? Me? Their mother’s? We’ve only been on TV once and even then Jeremy Kyle did all the talking. Celebrities have the responsibility to set the example that we’re too lazy to do.’ Milly Peterson claims her son has been left comatose following the revelations. “He just lies in bed, never moving. Doctor’s blame the car accident we were after I had a few. But they would, United fans.’

Of course the real victims is this are not children but the woman that has been publicly humiliated; Imogen Thomas. ‘People accuse of me of using this to get back in the news just because I sold my story to the papers. Worse of all they think I threw myself at him like I’m some kind of slut. He saw my sex tape then chased me.” At which point she claims to have shed a tear but I had already chosen which part of her anatomy to focus my eyes on.

That the Welsh Wizard was offered a new contract was a shock to some, Sir Alex Ferguson defended his decision, “He’s here to help the young lads, they get over excited and attack too soon. He knows to bide his time, take care and wait until you’re at the right angle before you try to penetrate.”

Now this article is not here to blame one footballer’s inability to keep in his pants for all of the world’s problems. But had he spent less time getting off and more time
chasing Osama Bin Landen would we have got him quicker? Something to think about.

I think the cheap innuendo toward the end detracts from the "Did we really get so worked up about this 'story'?" angle, and the fine "why do we expect celebrities to be role-models" angle is really well executed in the first two paragraphs.

I can see why you felt you had to slip it in, though - Newsbiscuit format seems to demand "gags" and "punchline", but I'd like to see stuff like this that doesn't have to whore itself in the final third.