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WISE blog postsWISEWild Apricot - membership management software and moreenSun, 02 Aug 2015 00:43:47 GMTSun, 02 Aug 2015 00:43:47 GMTThu, 24 Apr 2014 19:24:54 GMTTake Back the Night 2014<font size="3" style="background-color: transparent;">WISE was once again asked to speak at Dartmouth's <a href="http://takebackthenight.org/" target="_blank">Take Back the Night</a>. Here's the speech:</font>
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<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Hi Everyone, I’m Kate, I’m the Program Director at WISE which is the organization for the prevention of and response to domestic and sexual violence in the Upper Valley. We’re 24-hours and confidential for survivors and their supporters. Among all of the things that we do in the aftermath of violence, most important among them is listening. &nbsp;We listen and we believe.&nbsp; When it comes to sexual violence, too often we hear silence.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Silence because survivors don’t know that what just happened to them is rape – or that what happened was even wrong.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Silence from friends who don’t know what to say or what to believe.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Silence because we’re not sure how people will react, or whether or not we’re amongst kindreds who will understand.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Silence from systems that are called on to do better.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">And silence because the world doesn’t really want to listen. We don’t really want to hear what goes on behind closed doors. We don’t want to acknowledge that this is happening.</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">The famous Judith Herman quote seems appropriate: <i>“It is very tempting to take the side of the perpetrator. All the perpetrator asks is that you do nothing. He appeals to the universal desire to see, hear and speak no evil. The victim, on the contrary, asks you to share the burden of pain. The victim demands action, engagement, and remembering.”</i></font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">Action, engagement, and remembering when it’s really much more fun to just enjoy the sunshine and beautiful campus and you have a major exam coming up. Action, engagement and remembering are how we change the world. It is a luxury to remain ignorant and we can no longer afford the tragically high cost. &nbsp;</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">“The Reality of Sexual Assault in New Hampshire” is that only 3% of NH offenders were known to have been convicted or pled guilty.</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">You’ve heard before that ~60% of sexual assaults <a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" title=""></a> go unreported. It’s actually 95% on college campuses <a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" title=""></a>. &nbsp;And why should people report? Research from Marquette University found that young women experience so much sexual violence in their everyday lives – objectification, harassment, and abuse –that they think these things are normal <a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftn3" name="_ftnref3" title=""></a>. People don’t report because sexual violence is considered normal. Not just by survivors of it, but by their peers, and by the systems through which justice should be measured.&nbsp;</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">Women don’t report because they don’t want to be mean. I hear the term “ruined lives” thrown around a lot. The ruined lives of athletes and celebrities who are accused of rape and go on to win Heisman Trophies and make millions of dollars, the ruined lives of young men who videotaped gang rapes and the fear of ruining lives if we tell. Young women tell me they don’t want to ruin their rapist’s lives by reporting – because being asked to leave campus would be a punishment too cruel.</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">Victims don’t report because they don’t know who to call or where to go. Everyone here should take out their phones and put the WISE crisis line number in: 1-866-348-WISE. WISE is completely confidential for survivors over 18. We can think through with you about what are your good options: whether its going to the hospital, reporting to the College or reporting to the police.&nbsp; We will work with you to plan for your safety, and your life that comes next.&nbsp; We will listen.&nbsp;</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">Here at Dartmouth - you have campus resources – Dick’s House and the Sexual Assault Prevention Program Coordinators and SAPAs, the CGSE and Safety and Security– you&nbsp; are not alone.&nbsp; You don’t have to figure out what to do alone.</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">You’ve heard the pressure for survivors to speak up, and the incredibly brave individuals that do here tonight, at Speak Out, in the D and on Board at Baker. We are always asking survivors to speak up...to do it over and over again... to convince us that there’s a problem, BUT with caveats... what they were wearing? Were they careful with their drink?&nbsp; If we demand for survivors to tell their stories, THEN we have to be willing to listen.&nbsp; We can do that.&nbsp;</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">And the world needs to hear from victims and survivors. We must be a community unafraid to be bold and unflinching in the face of the terrible things that have been done to those we know and love.&nbsp;&nbsp; Not listening doesn’t make what happened go away, it just makes it easier to perpetrate. &nbsp;When we dismissing survivor’s experience as a misunderstanding, drunk awkward college sex, or none of our business, people get away with rape.</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">In her report on the Persistent Problem of Campus Peer Sexual Violence,&nbsp; Nancy Cantalupo simply and clearly said: “If the cycle is to be broken and the violence is to be ended, survivors need to report. Yet survivors cannot be expected to report unless they are treated better when they do.” <a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftn4" name="_ftnref4" title=""></a> That responsibility belongs to all of us. You and I have to be better.</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Thank you all for being here, and thank you for listening. &nbsp;</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent;"><font size="3">Citations:</font></p>
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<p style="margin-right:12.0pt; margin-bottom:3.75pt;background:white"><font size="3"><a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" title=""></a>Justice Department,&nbsp;<i>National Crime Victimization Survey</i>: 2008-2012</font></p>
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<p><font size="3"><a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" title=""></a> <span style="color:#363636;background:white">Fisher, Bonnie S., Francis T. Cullen, and Michael G. Turner. (2000). The Sexual Victimization of College Women. Washington, DC: U.S. Department of Justice, National Institute of Justice. Available at</span> <a href="https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf" target="_blank"><span style="color:#8B2346;background:white">https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/182369.pdf</span></a><span style="color:#363636;background:white">.</span></font></p>
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<p><font size="3"><a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftnref3" name="_ftn3" title=""></a> http://www.socwomen.org/pr2-sex-violence-norm/</font></p>
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<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3"><a href="file:///W:/WISE/KateTBTH2014Peggy%20Notes.docx#_ftnref4" name="_ftn4" title=""></a> Nancy Cantalupo, “Burying Our Heads in the Sand: Lack of Knowledge, Knowledge Avoidance, and the</font></p>
<p style="background-color: transparent; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3">Persistent Problem of Campus Peer Sexual Violence.” Loyola University Chicago Law Journal, Vo. 43,&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">2011.</span></font></p>
<p style="margin-bottom: 0.0001pt;"><font size="3"><a href="http://thedartmouth.com/2014/04/23/news/take-back-the-night-rally-calls-for-safe-campus" target="_blank">The Dartmouth article</a> on the event.&nbsp;</font></p>
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http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1543069Thu, 27 Mar 2014 20:10:58 GMTA Statement by WISE and the NHCADSV on the Gilbert verdict<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Today’s decision in the Dartmouth rape trial of Parker Gilbert is devastating and there is no doubt that it sends a terrible message to survivors of sexual assault. Something has got to change if we can allow a man who has no relationship with the victim to violate her in her own bed and face no consequences.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Our thoughts are primarily with the victim and her family tonight as they try and sort through all that has happened. The incredible bravery and courage she displayed throughout this grueling process is immeasurable. The amount of time and resources utilized by the defense to break her down is rarely exhibited in a case like this where so few facts are in question.&nbsp; The prosecutors in this case should be commended for their principled and thorough handling of this case, despite how vastly out resourced they were.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Both sides agreed that Mr. Gilbert and the victim were at best acquaintances; both sides agreed he entered her room uninvited that night, in a highly intoxicated state, and both sides agreed that he initiated sexual contact which included vaginal penetration with the victim while she was asleep.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">The issue at hand is that there needs to be a cultural shift in the understanding of what constitutes sexual assault as a crime, and the complexity of victims’ reactions after the assault.&nbsp;</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">It is extremely rare for the perpetrator of a sexual assault against an adult woman to ever see the inside of a jail cell, let alone a courtroom. In 2011, the Governor’s Commission on Domestic and Sexual Violence released a report titled “The Reality of Sexual Assault in New Hampshire,” according to law enforcement data from 2006 - this report found only 3% of New Hampshire offenders were known to be convicted or pled guilty.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3"><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">The professionals interviewed in this report pointed to a systemic problem which is that as a whole our society endorses stereotypes about “real rape” versus “deserving victims.”&nbsp; To understand the impact these myths have on the successful prosecution of sexual assault cases, it is necessary to acknowledge the myths themselves. General perceptions of what constitute “real rape” characterize the assault as an act of violent, forceful penetration committed by a stranger during a surprise attack while brandishing a weapon. Typically a “real” victim is portrayed as a morally upright woman who was sober and fought back against her perpetrator. These myths persist even though statistics show the majority of women are assaulted by someone they know, and that physical injury is not common in most sexual assaults.&nbsp; The further away from a classic hypothetical victim a case is– the less likely the victim is to achieve justice.</span><br></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Jurors’ attitudes reflect public misperception of the reality of adult female sexual assault and thus make it difficult, if not impossible, to successfully prosecute these cases. Perhaps the biggest myth present in this case is that someone could stop a rape if they wanted to. The fact is that fear, threats, and physical brutality can immobilize anyone.</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3"><b><i>&nbsp;</i></b><span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">We know that today’s decision will no doubt impact survivors’ decisions in reporting their crime. Ultimately it is up to each individual to decide the best way to heal in the face of what has happened to them. We encourage anyone who is in need of support after a sexual assault to contact their local crisis center and speak with a trained advocate.&nbsp; Their information will remain confidential and our crisis line is available any time day or night. Statewide, the toll free number is 1-800-277-5570.&nbsp; WISE’s toll free number is 1-866-348-WISE (9473).&nbsp;</span></font></p>
<p><font face="Verdana" size="3">&nbsp;<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">While today’s verdict is no doubt a setback it is important to note that in New Hampshire there are many people at all different levels that are invested in making the system better for victims. We are going to review what happened in this case and see what we can learn for the future. &nbsp;&nbsp;</span></font></p>
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http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1526401Wed, 09 Oct 2013 18:34:42 GMTAn open letter to president Hanlon from Alex Barnett, professor of Mathematics at Dartmouth.<p><b><span style="font-size:10.0pt;font-family:&quot;Times New Roman&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;">9/29/13<br>
Dear President Phil Hanlon,<br>
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I wanted to share with you some facts and thoughts about student life issues, partly to extend our brief discussion at the COP breakfast, partly in advance of Tuesday's COSL breakfast, and wholly as a colleague who cares about improving this (in many ways wonderful) institution. I attach some references that support much of what I say<br>
- as mathematicians, I am sure we both trust studies and data more than opinion and tradition.<br>
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Firstly, I was glad to hear you mention the issue of campus sexual assault in your inaugural speech. I firmly believe that this will be one of the main issues that many university presidents will have to tackle head on, in a public way, in the coming decade. The rather intense last 18 months of campus discussion, from the Rolling Stone article of 2012 to the Bored@Baked scandal to the Day of Reconciliation this spring, has raised local and national awareness of<br>
this issue (and related ones such as hazing and homophobia) at Dartmouth, and there is now a window of opportunity to use this, and your arrival at the helm, for positive effect. This is a big and complex problem, but all the evidence points to Dartmouth being at the worse end of the national variation, and in dire need of some structural change.<br>
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When I brought this up at the COP breakfast with you, a couple of days after the OCR initiated its own (unprecedented) Title IX investigation against Dartmouth, you brought up the reputation of recent consultant<br>
Jen Sayre (now Messina) '93, and her assurances that we are "leaders" on this issue. The evidence, from talking to students and faculty and hearing their experiences, as well as from academic research presented below, tells a different story. Environmental and cultural factors<br>
here contribute to increased sexual assault in ways that Messina's favored bystander intervention (DBI / Green Dot) misses, and cannot hope to fix alone. I encourage you also to seek advice from the many other faculty who have researched these issues - recently the voices of Hackett, Denton, Schweitzer, Luxon, Muirhead, and our WGST faculty, as well as student voices, have expressed what many colleagues and students feel: student life issues are a major down-side of Dartmouth existence, and need significant change (if nothing else, to remain nationally competitive).<br>
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As you know, the national statistics are that by the end of college, one in four female students will have been victims of rape or attempted rape [Fisher 2000]. Rape often has a devastating long-term effect on a young woman's life and well-being, let alone education. College is not a "safe space" for women, the reason being in large part, rather shockingly, their fellow male students. I found the following facts even more eye-opening. They dispel some myth that are barriers to change:<br>
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1) Rape is not a "he-said-she-said" situation; rather, only a few percent of rape claims are false [Lisak 2010]. Indeed, most victims don't report, for a variety of reasons including fear and social pressures [Fisher 2000]<br>
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2) Rape is not an "occasional bad decision by otherwise good-natured guys". Most men (94%) don't rape. But 90% of rapes are committed by repeat offenders, who are often charming, unsuspected, known by the victim, and who have many victims [Lisak-Miller 2002].<br>
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3) Alcohol is not a cause of rape; rather, alcohol (as well as other additives) is a *tool* of rapists. (It seems clear that Jim Kim failed to understand this point that cause and effect are reversed.) Therefore alcohol abuse reduction is not such a useful lever to reduce rape; direct action is needed.<br>
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4) A large contributory factor to rape is *social status anxiety between men*, rather than merely desire for sex - therefore, disturbingly, rape is more common at highly elite and competitive institutions [Armstrong 2006]. We surely count as one of those.<br>
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One positive point here (2) is that if a small number of male students could be removed from campus (which of course in our current system almost never happens), a large increase in safety would result.<br>
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On a different axis, the structural/environment choices an institution makes about student residential life strongly affect behavior, in particular student safety. I found the following related facts fascinating:<br>
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5) Students living in sororities are 3 times more likely to be raped while intoxicated than students living in standard off-campus housing, in a national study [Mohler-Kuo 2004]. Membership in a sorority alone is also a factor [Armstrong 2006]. This discredits a myth I hear that sororities are somehow safer for women.<br>
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6) Fraternities are strongly associated with sexual assault [Tyler 1998, Armstrong 2006, Flack 2007, Sanday 1996]. There is plenty more research to cite on this point. However, occasional frats have rape- (also hazing-)free cultures [Sanday 1996].<br>
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7) Gender-segregated housing leads to more dangerous behaviors (via status anxiety and competition) than gender-diverse housing [Armstrong 2006, Sanday 1996].<br>
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The mechanisms for these cultural factors (4-7) are complex, but, whether causation or merely correlation is involved, the literature shows that gender-segregated or elitist (ie selective in a competitive fashion) residences and organizations - like many Greek houses - is a huge cause for concern if we indeed take sexual assault seriously. Discussion of the benefit of the continued dominance by<br>
Greek life must be on the table. Several New England colleges, realising that reform from within is not possible, have replaced Greek life with something more healthy in recent decades, and their reasons make for good reading. I quote the 1962 report from Williams College:<br>
"Fraternities at Williams have come to exercise a disproportionate role in undergraduate life, and as a result the *primary educational purposes* of the College are not being fully realized" (my emphasis added). At least we have to reverse our current practice of building more sororities and replace this with something safer for students. Despite a 60-70% Greek membership at Dartmouth, I believe only 10% of our undergraduates live in Greek houses: rehousing them is hardly an insurmountable challenge. Finally, the Student Life Initiative (SLI)<br>
report of 2000 is very instructive reading; it has a good summary of residential issues here. To my knowledge none of the recommendations were carried out (this was before my time), yet seasoned faculty will tell you that the situation has only gotten worse.<br>
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The above facts 1-7 lead rather directly to some suggestions: (obviously colored by my personal observations, and in no particular order)<br>
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a) Transition to co-ed housing and remove gender-segregated housing, since the latter is, despite heresay, in fact more dangerous than the former.<br>
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b) Implement improvements to residential life proposed in the SLI 2000 report. This includes building East-Wheelock-style academic clusters (or, maybe, Oxbridge-style houses) rather than Greek houses, and creating a much stronger College-funded social and cultural student-run scene to provide viable alternatives to Greek life (Collis basement and the like is not enough for 5000 students). The latter<br>
could include party, dance, and music spaces, and Hopkins Center programming that is actually relevant to students (currently there is little). We need to learn from other institutions here about creating super student-run events that are as fun as a frat party but more accountable and less private.<br>
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c) Invest in implementing an in-house investigative unit of crime professionals who identify student rapists, as [Lisak 2002] suggests. This unit would piece together evidence from multiple students to identify repeat rapists and increase their chances of expulsion (currently I believe the COS process explicitly doesn't take into account such evidence from other incidents).<br>
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d) Re-fund and re-support a strong women's center. The Center for Women and Gender has been disempowered over recent years, renamed into the Center for Gender &amp; Student Engagement, and is now headed by a man, and gave its award to a man this year. It is not surprising that<br>
female undergraduates feel disempowered. Returning to something akin to the CWG is preferable to the current trend to the "health-centered" approach, which guides students to self-care and medication rather than organization and action.<br>
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e) Follow the Clery law, which states that when crimes occur, an alert has to go out to the campus community. For example, in 2011 our Clery statistics list that 12 rapes occurred (of course this is only about 10% of the number which occurred). We did not get 12 emails to this effect: we got zero, as in every other year. In the last few months,<br>
with increased scrutiny and Title IX underway, we got two.<br>
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f) Rape cases should to be handled by the Hanover police rather than internally. It is my understanding that rapists, especially those from powerful families, tend to be protected by the college (as well as "lawyered-up") rather than held accountable. Victims get zero legal support, often have to face their rapists in class, and are generally encouraged by the Deans to "disappear" (take medical leave); rapists remain on campus.<br>
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g) Support and grow the initiatives of our own staff and Deans (obviously the DBI is part of a solution), but also bring in an external commission with credentials (I would include Lisak, for instance) to make recommendations, and heed them even if there i local opposition. I have also heard about the idea of a national summit on this issue hosted here - I would recommend supporting and funding this.<br>
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h) Help change the culture of Dartmouth students and administrators by keeping the issue of accountability for sexual predators forefront in your public appearances, and admitting we have a problem. When Charles Vest admitted that MIT had a sexism problem in its faculty, that was a brave step that was essential to moving forward. Although student groups can push for change, major change cannot come from below since students are here for such a short period: it has to come from the top.<br>
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i) Not to treat this issue merely as an "image problem": it is a real problem, and Dartmouth's all-important image may have to take second place to the safety of our students for a transition period. In fact, we are to expect an *increase* in reports of rape initially when an institution changes for the better, because victims become more empowered to report. We have to weather that for the long-term good.<br>
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It seems that, as a wealthy private institution with student safety in mind, it is inconceivable that we don't have the power to fix some of the injustice of rape (and the related hazing) on our campus. If we somehow do not have this power (certain forces are opposed to change), naming and discussing these obstructions is essential. We cannot put<br>
all our faith in bystander intervention. I hope the above helps give you some more tools to take strong leadership in this direction. You will certainly have the support of a large part of the faculty behind you.<br>
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Thanks for listening, and keep up the good work.<br>
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Yours sincerely, Alex Barnett<br>
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References (some attached; please let me know if you need more):<br>
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Fisher, Cullen and Turner, "The Sexual Victimization of College Women" NIJ report (2000).<br>
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Lisak et al (2010). Violence Against Women, 16(12) 1318­1334.<br>
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Lisak, D. &amp; Miller, P. M. (2002). Repeat rape and multiple offending among undetected rapists. Violence and Victims, 17, 73-84.<br>
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E. A. Armstrong et al (2006). "Sexual Assault on Campus: A Multilevel, Integrative Approach to Party Rape". Social Problems, Vol. 53, Issue 4, pp. 483–499<br>
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Sanday, P. (1996). "Rape-Prone Versus Rape-Free Campus Cultures", Violence Against Women 2(2), 191-208.<br>
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Shapiro (2010). "Myths That Make It Hard To Stop Campus Rape", NPR story. <a href="http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.npr.org%2Ftemplates%2Fstory%2Fstory.php%3FstoryId%3D124272157&amp;h=gAQGDyLTnAQGInSCRq0BC5_HSqjYiwgbseu_JhFxqLBwHCg&amp;s=1" target="_blank">http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=124272157</a><br>
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Mohler-Kuo, M., G. Dowdall, M. Koss, and H. Wechsler. "Correlates of Rape While Intoxicated in a National Sample of College Women." Journal of<br>
Studies on Alcohol. 65. (2004): 37-45.<br>
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Tyler, K.A., D.R. Hoyt and L.B. Whitbeck. (1998). “Coercive Sexual Strategies,” Violence and Victims, 13(1), 47-61.<br>
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Flack. W.F, et al (2007). J. Interpersonal Violence. 22(2), 139-157. "Risk factors and consequences of unwanted sex among university students".</span></b></p>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1408754
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1408754Fri, 26 Apr 2013 12:23:02 GMTTake Back the NightLast night Dartmouth hosted an annual rally called Take Back the Night. The idea is that women for so long have been told not to go out alone at night (along with so many other "helpful tips) in order to avoid being raped. The rally and march demands that the world must be safe for women, not that women must become accustomed to being unsafe in the world. WISE was asked to speak as part of the opening remarks. It was an honor to be&nbsp;among&nbsp;students and survivors who were so moving and inspiring - not just in words but in the lives that they've lived to improve our community. Below are Kate's remarks.
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<p>My name is Kate, I’m the Program Manager at WISE which is the organization tasked with ending domestic and sexual violence in the UV. I’ve worked on the prevention of violence against women for the entirety of my adult life, almost by accident. Which means that I believe fundamentally in two things:</p>
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<li>1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</span> That domestic and sexual violence are preventable – that they don’t just happen but are enacted by one person onto another.</li>
<li>2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-family: 'Times New Roman';">&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</span> That I can do something about it.</li>
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<p>The first is something that really challenges us. If DV/SV is something that people are choosing to do, then the people who are accused that we care about in our community are people who are choosing to perpetrate. That is sad and scary and hurtful. Sometimes disbelief is more comfortable. But it’s also paramount to my believing that I haven’t wasted my youth. DV/SV is preventable. It isn’t about testosterone, it isn’t about caveman brains – it isn’t men – it is all of us who are complicit in separating us and them. All of us who buy into some people being more valuable than others. Who expect men to be men and the definition of manhood that includes power, control and violence. DV/SV is preventable when men are recognized as human beings – not the titans of power, but people with emotions that are mentionable and manageable, with empathy, and personal accountability. DV/SV is preventable when women are recognized as human beings – not the sum of their naked and hairless body parts, but people in full autonomy of their physical and relational selves.</p>
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<p>The second is something that people are curious about. Most people assume I’m a victim. Why else would I be so devoted to such a sad topic. My plan was to be a DJ on the radio – spend my working life at concerts and never again suffer through someone else’s crappy music. Instead every piece of my collegiate career kept nagging that something isn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that my mom worried when I walk home from work at night (trying to keep those student loans down). It wasn’t fair that when I was drugged (despite my drink being fully in my hand at all time, despite my multiple buddies) my dad chalked it up to my confusing drunk with drugged. It isn’t fair that I have to make those disclaimers. It isn’t fair that politicians are making laws about my life and body – specifically my vagina - without including anyone who has a vagina, or allowing the word vagina to be mentioned. It isn’t fair that 60% of women and families who are homeless are a result of DV, or that a byproduct of being a woman going to college is the expectation that eventually you’ll probably be raped. It isn’t fair that we would rather talk about anything – alcohol, hazing, bullying, cancer, hunger – other than the violence that is so intimately connected to every person’s life. It isn’t fair that so many people I care about are being violated but didn’t feel like they could tell anyone because they were afraid or ashamed. It isn’t fair that my male friends don’t feel like they can ask their partners what they want or like or need because vulnerability is a fate worse than death.</p>
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<p>I do this work because people are suffering and if I can help, I have to. For me it boils down to injustice. You recognize that it is not fair that we have to march days after campus is shut down because highlighting this injustice still puts people at risk of physical harm. You believe that we can do better. And you <i>are</i>. You’re doing better. So thank you, and thanks for being here.&nbsp;</p>
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</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1279313
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1279313Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:54:34 GMTPetal to the metal!<p><font size="3">So often we are reminded of what an amazing community we’re a part of. Hearing the many complicated stories of domestic/dating/sexual violence and stalking may seem like a completely depressing day job, but instead we get to see all of the beautiful, creative ways that individuals and families overcome and thrive. We get to work in a community with organizations that recognize the truth that each of us – whatever our strengths or interests – has a part to play to end violence, share hope, change lives. Organizations that provide material assistance to survivors, train their employees about prevention and empathetic responses to survivors, display materials…all of us can use our talents to support survivors.</font></p>
<p><font size="3">RVC is stepping up in March by hosting a Spinathon to benefit WISE! You can sweat your way to a more peaceful Upper Valley, and here’s how:</font></p>
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<li><font size="3">Register your team by 3/20<br></font></li>
<li><font size="3">Gather <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Resources/Documents/Spinathon8x11.pdf" target="_blank">supporters to pledge</a> to your race with this sign up<br></font></li>
<li><font size="3">Maybe take a few practice spins on the stationary bike<br></font></li>
<li><font size="3">Then on 3/23 we ride!<br></font></li>
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<p><font size="3">More information here on the <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Resources/Documents/SpinathonBrochure2013.pdf" target="_blank">brochure</a> (including proper pacing, nutrition, and hydration!)</font></p>
<p></p>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1213833
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1213833Fri, 01 Feb 2013 17:04:16 GMTdating<p>Between the over covered story of Notre Dame Football Player, <a href="http://espn.go.com/new-york/story/_/id/8875990/lawyer-ronaiah-tuiasosopo-was-voice-talking-manti-teo">Manti Te’o</a>, various <a href="http://feministing.com/2013/01/17/day-after-wednesday-weigh-in-dating-while-feminist/">blog</a> posts and <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/opinion/sunday/darwin-was-wrong-about-dating.html?pagewanted=1&amp;_r=0">opinions</a> examining our current <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/fashion/the-end-of-courtship.html?pagewanted=1&amp;ref=general&amp;src=me">dating</a> practices and the new MTV show <a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish/series.jhtml">Catfish</a> that explores the intricacies of online relationships, it seems like everyone is talking about digital relationships! It adds so many possibilities to how we think about, define and engage in relationships, both intimate and not.</p>
<p>One of the most (personally) <a href="http://www.buzzfeed.com/nicholasschwartz/hotel-chain-makes-the-best-manti-teo-joke-yet-7a5h">frustrating</a> <a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/sports/college/te-fake-girlfriend-saga-twitter-chirping-article-1.1241664">reactions</a> to the Te’o story was people’s inability to imagine being in an exclusively online relationship. As if intimacy, companionship and love only exist within physical relationships. Isn’t it possible for us to feel incredibly close and deeply connected to someone whom we’ve never been physically intimate with or whom we’ve never met in person? On a recent <a href="http://www.mtv.com/shows/catfish/episode.jhtml?episodeID=202803">episode</a> <span>of Catfish, Matt and Kim’s relationship demonstrates exactly that.&nbsp; The two had been communicating with each other via (solely) technology for ten years.</span> They spoke to each other either through text messaging, Facebook, emails or phone conversations almost every day. Kim explained that Matt was the person that provided her with the greatest comfort and support during the most difficult times in her life. They make each other laugh and have developed a strong and caring partnership which they both depend on. Now that she has a boyfriend whom she is living with and considering marrying, Kim is feeling conflicted about these two relationships. Can she love them both? Can she participate in a respectful, loving marriage with her boyfriend and continue the relationship she’s had with Matt for the past 10 years, or does she have to choose between the two?<img src="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Resources/Pictures/relationship2.jpg" title="" alt="" width="276" height="183" border="0" align="right" style="margin: 7px 7px 7px 7px;"></p>
<p>I think we can, and should have many meaningful relationships with many people who collectively fulfill our complex and diverse needs of affection, solidarity and friendship. Culturally we have a pretty singular view of what the parameters of romantic and intimate relationships are supposed to look like, but as with all other assumed cultural expectations, one size does not fit all. We can’t just assume that everybody is going to find one (THE ONE) person capable of providing <i>everything</i> that they could ever want and need out of a confidante. It feels like an unfair expectation for everyone. Instead let’s expand on our ideas of intimate relationships and modify our relationship boundaries to meet OUR and our partner’s needs.</p>
<p>How do you define a partner? Is it someone that you talk to everyday? Live with? Have a sexual or physical relationship with? Can you have only one? It’s up to YOU to define what you want in a partner, or partners, to communicate those needs to the prospective partners that come in and out of your life, and respect those that are communicated to you.&nbsp; You and your partner(s) are able to have ongoing conversations around the expectations of your relationships and don’t have to depend on rigid social norms that may or may not be appropriate for you. We can create a life for ourselves that is full of thoughtful, respectful and healthy relationships of all sorts.</p>
<p>If you want to continue the conversation around healthy relationships <a href="mailto:kate.rohdenburg@wiseoftheuppervalley.org">invite</a> WISE to your organization, school or community group for a tailored presentation!</p>
<p>If you or someone you know is in an unsafe relationship and would like support you can contact <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/">WISE</a>, 24 hours a day at 1/866.348.WISE.&nbsp;</p>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1195713
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1195713Wed, 16 Jan 2013 21:26:34 GMTFacebook Stalking<p><span style="line-height: 115%;"><font size="3"><img src="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Resources/Pictures/facebook.jpg" title="" alt="" width="200" height="149" border="0" align="left" style="margin: 7px 7px 7px 7px;"><font face="Georgia">‘Facebook stalking’ has become a phrase that most of us use pretty often and with some familiarity. Maybe you’ve ‘Facebook stalked’ an old boyfriend or girlfriend or that friend you haven’t seen since high school. But what does the word, stalking, really mean? Am I really stalking someone by viewing a profile that I was invited to via friend request, a profile that displays information that the person is choosing to share with their collective group of Facebook friends? The answer is</font></font></span> <font size="3" face="Georgia"><a href="http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-laws/criminal-stalking-laws-by-state"><span style="line-height: 115%;">no</span></a><span style="line-height: 115%;">. There is a big difference between viewing a friend’s Facebook profile and actual</span> <a href="http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-information#what"><span style="line-height: 115%;">stalking behaviors</span></a><span style="line-height: 115%;">, and aligning the two as having the same meaning is harmful for actual victims of stalking. Stalking is a very</span> <a href="http://www.victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-fact-sheet_english.pdf?sfvrsn=4"><span style="line-height: 115%;">real</span></a><span style="line-height: 115%;">, dangerous and often life threatening experience. Conflating actual stalking with this false idea of ‘Facebook stalking’ minimizes the terrifying existence of the 6.6 million Americans who are stalked annually.&nbsp;</span></font></p>
<p><font size="3" face="Georgia"><span style="line-height: 115%;">It’s not to say that Facebook and stalking have no relation to each other. As with most anything in this world, it has the potential and capability to be dangerously misused. A stalker may</span> <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/10/25/world/africa/nigeria-facebook-murder-cynthia-osokogu/index.html"><span style="line-height: 115%;">dishonestly</span></a> <span style="line-height: 115%;">use Facebook as a tool to gain access to their victim that they haven’t otherwise been admitted to. An</span> <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/resources/Documents/Info/PowerControlwheel.pdf"><span style="line-height: 115%;">abusive partner</span></a> <span><span style="line-height: 115%; color: windowtext;">may use Facebook, and other various devices, to keep constant tabs on their victim. &nbsp;&nbsp;But the impact of these experiences is incredibly different than that of which we so offhandedly refer to as, ‘Facebook stalking’. This might not seem like a big deal, but improperly and reductively using the term creates a mask for those who are actually stalking someone.</span></span></font></p>
<p><font size="3" face="Georgia"><span style="line-height: 115%;">The only people at fault in stalking situations are the perpetrators, but there are a few technology practices that can help reduce people’s access to us. We can be cautious of who we accept into our internet social lives, do our best to have secure</span> <a href="http://www.facebook.com/help/privacy"><span style="line-height: 115%;">Facebook privacy settings</span></a> <span style="line-height: 115%;">and be informative about how to keep our exposed selves</span> <a href="http://www.nnedv.org/docs/SafetyNet/OVW/NNEDV_OnlinePrivacyandSafetyTips.pdf"><span style="line-height: 115%;">protected</span></a> <span style="line-height: 115%;">from the</span> <a href="http://www.victimsofcrime.org/our-programs/stalking-resource-center/stalking-information/the-use-of-technology-to-stalk"><span style="line-height: 115%;">possible dangerous outcomes</span></a> <span style="line-height: 115%;">of technology use.</span></font></p><font size="3" face="Georgia"><span style="line-height: 115%;">We can also be more thoughtful about our choice of language when talking about how we view our Facebook friend’s profiles and take actual accounts of stalking seriously. If you or someone you know is being stalked you can reach out to</span> <span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/">WISE</a>&nbsp;</span></span><span style="line-height: 115%;">for support, 24 hours a day.</span></font>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1181543
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1181543Fri, 13 Jul 2012 14:10:30 GMTRape Joke Response Round-up<div>
A woman blogged about <a href="http://breakfastcookie.tumblr.com/post/26879625651/so-a-girl-walks-into-a-comedy-club" target="_blank">her experience at a Daniel Tosh show</a>.<br>
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"Tosh starts making some very generalizing,&nbsp;declarative&nbsp;statements about rape jokes always being funny, how can a rape joke not be funny, rape is hilarious, etc...So I yelled out, 'Actually, rape jokes are never funny!' Tosh paused for a moment. Then, he says, 'Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now? What if a bunch of guys just raped her...'".&nbsp;
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</div><a href="http://www.thenation.com/blog/168856/anatomy-successful-rape-joke#" target="_blank">Jessica Valenti argues at the Nation</a> that rape jokes can be funny, but not if they are threatening. (I disagree about Sarah Silverman's joke, but agree about Sykes and Carlin - because they are not so much rape jokes, as pointing out the absurdity of victim blaming).&nbsp;
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Also at the <a href="http://www.thenation.com/blog/168866/10-comedians-who-arent-defending-rape-jokes#" target="_blank">Nation, Katie Halper</a> provides a twitter review of comics' responses.&nbsp;<br>
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<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/07/11/why-daniel-tosh-s-rape-joke-at-the-laugh-factory-wasn-t-funny.html" target="_blank">Elissa Bassist &nbsp;at the Daily Beast</a> talks about power in the ways we use humor to talk about rape,&nbsp;</span>
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<span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">"The debate over Tosh shouldn’t be “are&nbsp;</span>
</div><a href="http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/22/rainn-wilson-2-broke-girls-and-the-rise-of-the-rape-joke.html" target="_blank" style="cursor: pointer; color: inherit; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">rape jokes</a><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">&nbsp;funny?” That’s misdirection: his statement was a wildly inappropriate putdown, reminder, and threat that this woman could be gang-raped, like right now."</span>&nbsp;
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A <a href="http://austin.culturemap.com/newsdetail/07-12-12-14-37-the-best-response-weve-heard-to-daniel-toshs-misquoted-rape-jokes/" target="_blank">comedian in Austin</a> makes maybe the most&nbsp;apropos metaphor so far? And clarifies why "offended" isn't what people are. *Warning for a pretty graphic metaphor and strong language.* &nbsp; &nbsp;
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"<span style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255); color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px;">Offended hasn't got anything to do with it.</span>
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<p style="margin: 0em 0em 1em; padding: 0px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">People have wounds, and those wounds are painful. That doesn't have s*** to do with the weak concept of "taking offense." If someone talks about Texas being a s****y state, I might "take offense" at that. Fine, whatever. All of us who like comedy are generally in agreement with the idea that "taking offense" is lame, and a comedian should be willing to "offend" whenever he or she wants to.</p>
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Melissa Harris-Perry invited comics to a round table panel
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<p style="font-size:11px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; color: #999; margin-top: 5px; background: transparent; text-align: center; width: 420px;">Visit NBCNews.com for <a style="text-decoration:none !important; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; font-weight:normal !important; height: 13px; color:#5799DB !important;" href="http://www.nbcnews.com">breaking news</a>, <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032507" style="text-decoration:none !important; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; font-weight:normal !important; height: 13px; color:#5799DB !important;">world news</a>, and <a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/3032072" style="text-decoration:none !important; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999 !important; font-weight:normal !important; height: 13px; color:#5799DB !important;">news about the economy</a></p><br>
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</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1011133
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/1011133Tue, 20 Mar 2012 18:12:19 GMTIt's not like there are a million great guys out there...<div>
I posted <a href="http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2012/03/09/healthy-relationships-involve-breaking-things-and-threats-of-suicide-right/" target="_blank">this response</a>&nbsp;(*some language at the link) to an advice column on our <a href="http://www.facebook.com/wiseuv" target="_blank">facebook page</a>, but wanted to highlight this response from the comments. While there was so much in the "advice" that was harmful and ignorant, this sentiment is something that comes up often, and is a classic example of how the way we talk about relationships generally can radically affect a victim's perception of her options (or lack thereof).&nbsp;<br>
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Most men are not abusive! And we don't want to believe that some men we know might be. Those that are think that their actions are normal an acceptable because we - in advice columns! - excuse and justify their behaviors for them. This not only perpetuates the abuse in that relationship, it sets a disrespectfully low bar for those many many men who are thoughtful and caring and treat other human beings with kindness and compassion. We need to stop allowing abuse to look like a normal behavior. We need to stop the idea that a bad relationship is better than no relationship. And we need to think about how our "advice" sets the tone for so much more than we may have intended. Dani, below, says it perfectly.<br>
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<span style="color: rgb(85, 85, 85); font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; line-height: 25px; background-color: rgb(254, 254, 254);">13</span>
<div class="comment-meta" style="margin-top: -25px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 21px; margin-left: 40px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 12px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: rgb(254, 254, 254); border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; color: rgb(136, 136, 136); direction: ltr;">
<span class="comment-author vcard" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); font-family: Georgia, Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 25px;"><cite class="fn" title="http://danialexis.wordpress.com" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; font-style: normal;"><a href="http://danialexis.wordpress.com/" title="Dani Alexis" class="url" rel="external nofollow" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: solid; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; text-decoration: none; cursor: pointer; color: rgb(102, 102, 102); border-bottom-width: 1px; border-bottom-color: rgb(216, 209, 195); background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial;">Dani Alexis</a></cite></span>&nbsp;<span class="published" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial;"><abbr class="comment-date" title="Friday, March 9th, 2012, 12:42 pm" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial; cursor: help; border-width: initial; border-color: initial;">3.9.2012</abbr>&nbsp;at&nbsp;<abbr class="comment-time" title="Friday, March 9th, 2012, 12:42 pm" style="margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; 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<p style="margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 25px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial;">It’s not like there are a million really great men out there; it’s not like she can just go and pick one and be off to her perfect life.</p>
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<p style="line-height: 25px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 25px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial;">I stayed with an abuser for seven years on the basis of such pearls of wisdom as this comment. Then I left him, and I learned that actually, yes, it is like that.</p>
<p style="line-height: 25px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 25px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial;">As in, it is like there are LITERALLY ONE MILLION men (or more) out there who will not threaten violence, freak out when you have your own friends and interests, or have a screaming match in front of your apartment building when you say “look, I need to try something else.” It is ABSOLUTELY LIKE this woman can find someone to date who will not send up even a single one of the red flags this LW is rolling in right now. Decent human beings really are A Real Thing in the World!</p>
<p style="line-height: 25px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 25px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; vertical-align: baseline; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; outline-color: initial; font-size: 16px; background-image: initial; background-attachment: initial; background-origin: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; border-image: initial;">(Granted, not all of those people will be this woman’s cup of tea – but I’d bet my hat that at least ONE of the literally a million or more men who will treat this woman with basic human respect will also be someone she could see herself marrying, if that’s what she wants.)</p>
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http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/864234Tue, 13 Mar 2012 18:30:20 GMTSocial media for social changeThere have been a number of examples I've come across recently using social media to share stories which are often silenced and illuminate some solidarity for the MANY women, children and men who have been affected by sexual violence.&nbsp;
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While they are sad and tragic and touching, I also am finding inspiration - that people are sharing, people are listening, and people are dedicated to confronting something terrible which exists, and which we have the power to end. Let's do that. But first we have to listen and believe:
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Twitter #ididnotreport, #ididntreport, #webelieveyou
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And <a href="http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/" target="_blank">Project Unbreakable</a> where a photography student is asking survivors to write what their perpetrator said during the assault and photographing them.&nbsp;
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People want to share their stories but are all too often silenced - sometimes by the perpetrator, often by a society that doesn't want to hear it. Doesn't want to believe it. Doesn't want to know. We need to take as our task the responsibility to be safe people. To listen, believe, and support survivors. To make it safe for them to report, to hold perpetrators accountable, and to end violence.&nbsp;
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http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/857647Tue, 24 Jan 2012 19:04:40 GMTVolunteers make our world go round!<p>Three times a year WISE holds a Volunteer Training for all those interested in becoming a Volunteer Advocate at WISE. The training educates volunteers on domestic and sexual violence, abuse and stalking. Participants become comfortable practicing effective listening skills and offering support and access to pertinent resources in the community to those contacting WISE. The interactive training sessions include in depth conversations, use of videos, guest speakers and field trips to our local police station and hospital.&nbsp; With the completion of the 30 hour training, advocates are prepared to effectively empower those calling our Crisis Line.&nbsp; Perhaps the most meaningful aspect of Volunteer Training at WISE is how it creates a space where people feel free to question and explore the challenging and discomforting realities of our world.</p>
<p>The group dynamic during Volunteer Training is unique in personnel, perspectives and reasons for becoming a volunteer advocate, yet there is a strong underlying sense of understanding of and respect for one another. I have witnessed how with the exposure of distressing information, group members take it upon themselves to connect, build relationships and support one another.&nbsp; As I see how a small diverse group can find common ground and concern for these important issues, I become hopeful that much larger groups can as well.&nbsp; I am grateful to have the opportunity to work with WISE’s Volunteer Advocates as they are brave members of our community, willing to recognize the injustices that exist and further participate in their eradication.</p>
<p>March 13<sup>th</sup> begins another six week Volunteer Training. I so look forward to meeting the new members joining our forever growing team.&nbsp;</p>
<p>- Chelsea Williams, Training Coordinator</p>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/806363
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/806363Tue, 20 Dec 2011 15:31:54 GMT2010 National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">The most <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf" target="_blank">recent national statistics</a> are out on experiences of domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking. You may have seen a summary in the paper or online news, and the CDC will be releasing demographic specific data soon.&nbsp;</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">The <a href="http://thesocietypages.org/socimages/2011/12/15/cdcp-report-on-sexual-assault-and-intimate-partner-violence/?utm_source=feedburner&amp;utm_medium=feed&amp;utm_campaign=Feed%3A+SociologicalImagesSeeingIsBelieving+%28Sociological+Images%3A+Seeing+Is+Believing%29" target="_blank">statistics</a> are much the same as previously thought. The survey reinforced what we unfortunately already know to be true - that there are far too many women and men and children affected by violence perpetrated by people they knew.</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">While we'll have more thoughts and conversations about what the survey means and how it can guide our work, I want to posit this one tiny hypothesis:</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">in no state did fewer than 10% of women report being raped. Virginia had the lowest levels of victimization of women, at 11.4%; other states on the low end include Tennessee, Delaware, and Rhode Island."</span></font>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><br></font></span>
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</blockquote><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;">Virginia and Rhode Island (at least) are nationally recognized among prevention professionals for their focus on prevention, have made prevention funding and projects a priority, and house some of the foremost expert people and programs on the subject. Perhaps we are beginning to see the statistical fruits of that labor?</span></font>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/777976
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/777976Mon, 14 Nov 2011 19:38:28 GMTHerman Cain and Penn State Round Up<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">It was too depressing to post individually to Facebook, but for those of you interested, here is a round up of what I found to be useful or well stated articles on the recent big coverage sexual abuse. While reading, I think it may be useful to reflect on how these stories provide contrast to the hundreds of stories that we hear at WISE, and are happening around the world daily. The ones that don't get covered in the news. Would it be a big story if the people assaulted and covered up by athletics were women instead of children? What does it say that Herman Cain supporters stated they would vote for him EVEN IF he was guilty of the sexual assault accusations that have come to light?</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">Please note that these articles further points of discussion around topics which are important to WISE, but do not necessarily reflect WISE opinion.&nbsp;</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">Here's your round up:</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><b>Herman Cain</b></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">NPR - <a href="http://www.npr.org/2011/11/09/142182301/cain-donors-stand-by-their-man-for-now" target="_blank">Supporters Stand by Cain</a></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); line-height: 19px;">"I just haven't believed it," says Pam Bensen of the accusations. "In fact this morning, I actually went online to donate again, just to show him that we were supporting him."</span></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">Feministe - <a href="http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/11/07/so-if-the-accusations-against-herman-cain-are-true/#comments" target="_blank">Calling Sexual Assault What It Is</a></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">Please think, too, about what the media framing and language use around these accusations does to frame our cultural understanding of Rape and sexual assault. If we never see the word used even as we read descriptions of those things, how can we connect the two?</font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><b>Penn State</b></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">The Nation - <a href="http://www.thenation.com/blog/164587/world-joe-paterno-made" target="_blank">The World Joe Paterno Made</a></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 20px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">In 2003, less than one year after Paterno was told that Sandusky was raping children, he allowed a player accused of rape to suit up and play in a bowl game. Widespread criticism of this move was ignored. In 2006, Penn State's Orange Bowl opponent Florida State, sent home linebacker A.J. Nicholson, after accusations of sexual assault. Paterno’s response, in light of recent events, is jaw-dropping. He&nbsp;<a href="http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2284993" style="cursor: pointer; color: rgb(73, 106, 139); text-decoration: none;">said,</a>&nbsp;"There's so many people gravitating to these kids. He may not have even known what he was getting into, Nicholson</span></font>
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</blockquote><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 18px;">New York Times - <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/08/opinion/the-molester-next-door.html?_r=1&amp;emc=eta1" target="_blank">The Molester Next Door</a></span></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 22px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">This molester had a job. A house. A wife. Two kids of his own. And he gained access to his victim not through brute force but through patience, play and gifts: help with his homework, computer games, a new bike. To neighborhood observers, including the victim’s parents, the molester’s attentiveness passed for kindness, at least for a while. A molester’s behavior very often does.</span></font>
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</blockquote><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;">Feministe - <a href="http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/11/10/sure-children-were-raped-but/" target="_blank">Institutional Cultures</a></span></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); line-height: 22px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">It’s not just one guy raping little boys. It’s a culture that values a game over basic bodily integrity and physical health; it’s a culture that values that game over education, even at an institution of higher learning. Of course, in the context of that culture, a child rapist is going to get a pass if he’s integral to the game. Of course people are going to cover for him, or look the other way, or make small changes so that they can feel better but don’t actually go to law enforcement, which might threaten the game.</span></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(17, 17, 17); line-height: 22px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><br></span></font>
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</blockquote><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3"><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#111111"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 21px;"><b>And a side note related to the culture of football and masculinity.</b></span></font></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" color="#111111" face="Georgia" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">HuffingtonPost - <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/13/pat-lynch-embattled-wyomi_n_1090995.html#access_token=AAAAACuIpepUBAPwGlbyGzgS62BYhFgICnou6UZC0wBnu0v3UOpFqcYx1kGStOwnwvszT21pupM5nwZCv1LNPyb1Fk6ZAeIrxx8CIZCpAkAZDZD&amp;expires_in=5741" target="_blank">High school football coach resigns after "Hurt Feelings Survey" given to team</a>. (Keeps his position as guidance counselor.)</span></font>
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<p style="list-style-type: none; list-style-position: initial; list-style-image: initial; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><strong style="list-style-type: none; list-style-position: initial; list-style-image: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial;"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">WARNING: The survey contains lewd language. Discretion is advised.</font></strong></span></p>
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<p style="list-style-type: none; list-style-position: initial; list-style-image: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 8px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-bottom-style: none; border-left-style: none; border-width: initial; border-color: initial; line-height: 18px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">Under a list of reasons for filing the "Hurt Feelings Report," the survey offers choices including "I am a pussy," "I have woman like hormones," "I am a queer" and 'I am a little bitch." It asks for the "name of 'Real Man' who hurt your sensitive little feelings," "name little sissy filing this report." and the filer's "girly-man signature."</font></span></p>
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</blockquote><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Georgia" size="3">This is my fifth year presenting to youth about healthy relationships, rape and dating violence prevention, and the culture which breeds gendered violence. I fully expect that these young people can do a better job for one another, but they're going to need much more help if these are the news stories of their environment.</font></span>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/749914
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/749914Wed, 24 Aug 2011 16:13:25 GMTControl happens on purpose.<a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/08/110815101535.htm">http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/08/110815101535.htm</a>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">Often when I'm working with young people around recognizing the tactics that people use in order to garner power and control over someone else the question comes up "do you really think they plan it like that?" The question is can they be responsible for the outcomes of their behavior if we can't prove a line between intent and behavior.&nbsp;</span></p>
<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">We spent some time acknowledging that perhaps the person wouldn't articulate a linear progression between their behaviors and total control, but often times I think we don't give people who perpetrate enough credit for the skills and thinking that go into crafting their behaviors. We're essentially selling them short by creating the excuse that they didn't carefully craft their master plan from start to finish, so perhaps it wasn't intentional.&nbsp;</span></p>
<p style="padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">Time after time, research tells us this isn't true. Through the countless stories that we at WISE hear from victims and survivors, and through comparing stories across demographic, cultural, and geographic lines there are just too many parallels for us to ignore. Ultimately it becomes clear that we CAN prove that line. It is&nbsp;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 14px;">undeniable</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 15px;">&nbsp;in the pattern of people who perpetrate. There is a script of sorts.&nbsp;</span></font></span></p>
<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">New research on victims of domestic violence who recant their report to authorities demonstrates this script in 5 steps:</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">After analyzing the calls, the researchers identified a five-step process that went from the victims vigorously defending themselves in the phone calls to agreeing to a plan to recant their testimony against the accused abuser.</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">In the second stage, the perpetrator minimizes the abuse and tries to convince the victim that what happened wasn't that serious. In one couple, where the victim suffered strangulation and a severe bite to the face, the accused perpetrator repeatedly reminded the victim that he was being charged with "felony assault," while asking whether she thought he deserved the felony charge.</span></p>
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<div>
<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">"Finally, he wore her down and she agreed with him that he didn't deserve a felony charge," Bonomi said.</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">What happens next in this second stage, though, is the critical step in the process of recantation.</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">"The tipping point for most victims occurs when the perpetrator appeals to her sympathy, by describing how much he is suffering in jail, how depressed he is, and how much he misses her and their children," Bonomi said.</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">"The perpetrator casts himself as the victim, and quite often the real victim responds by trying to soothe and comfort the abuser."</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">In one case, the accused perpetrator threatened suicide and said in a phone call to his victim, "Nobody loves me though, right?"</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">At that point, the victim's tone changed dramatically, and she sounded concerned that he might actually try to hurt himself, Bonomi said. From then on, the victim promised to help him get out of jail.</span></p>
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<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">In the third stage, after the accused abuser has gained the sympathy of the victim, the couple bonds over their love for each other and positions themselves against others who "don't understand them."</span></p>
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<div>
<p style="font-size: 13px; padding-top: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 15px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">The fourth stage involves the perpetrator asking the victim to recant her accusations against him and the victim complying. Finally, in the fifth stage, the couple constructs the recantation plan and develops their</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 14px; background-color: rgb(255, 255, 255);">&nbsp;stories.</span></p>
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</blockquote><font class="Apple-style-span" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;">It's often hard for us to&nbsp;</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 12px;">reconcile</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;">&nbsp;the people we know in our communities with the image of someone systematically going about undermining the person they purport to love, but it is critical in understanding the dynamics of domestic and sexual violence to recognize the intention of people who perpetrate. Only when we can hold people accountable for their behavior - the full extent of their choices and actions, without excuses - can we hope to redirect it.</span></font>
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<font class="Apple-style-span" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 13px;">What do you think?</span></font>
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http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/683767Tue, 19 Apr 2011 14:48:03 GMTEmpathic or Empathetic?Here at WISE we were wondering about the difference/proper pronunciation of a critical term: that describing the possession of the quality of empathy.
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<div>Being of the digital age, we Googled it, and if you've ever had a similar&nbsp;quandary, wonder no more. Find <a href="http://www.dailywritingtips.com/empathic-or-empathetic/" target="_blank">here</a> not only the answer, but a description referencing StarTrek. You're welcome!</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/573408
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/573408Wed, 29 Dec 2010 18:56:04 GMTIf you're not sure, ask!<div>So, basic principle 101 on being around humans: if you're not sure how what you want to do (to someone) is going to make another person feel - you should ask before you do it. Duh. That way there are no accidents, and no way that you can&nbsp;inadvertently&nbsp;make someone feel bad against your intentions.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>Where the conversation generally goes from here is to sexual harassment. One student pointed out "what, like I'm supposed to ask the person before I yell at them out my car?!" to which another promptly pointed out "then maybe you shouldn't do it." It's easy, really. Ask or err on the side of caution.</div>
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<div>But I've had genuine conversations with people concerned about wanting to talk and interact with strangers, perhaps even compliment them, without making the stranger uncomfortable. I think this&nbsp;piece articulates really clearly that all it takes is respect, and a little touch of understanding.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>Two super key points that it makes and I want to reinforce:</div>
<div>1 - "You look really nice today" is different from "hey gorgeous"...you know this.</div>
<div>2 - "I would take that as a compliment" is not an excuse for invalidating someone's discomfort. Men and women exist in different worlds, women where Rape is a 1/4 chance, and men where it's not - this makes experiences utterly different. Beyond that, your experience isn't someone else's which is why the principle of "if you're not sure, ask" is so important.</div>
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<div>Check out the article:&nbsp;</div>
<div><a href="http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/149319/catcalling_is_a_problem:_how_to_talk_to_a_woman_without_being_rude,_creepy_or_scary?page=1">http://www.alternet.org/reproductivejustice/149319/catcalling_is_a_problem:_how_to_talk_to_a_woman_without_being_rude,_creepy_or_scary?page=1</a></div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/486819
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/486819Tue, 14 Dec 2010 16:02:33 GMTGood guy/Bad guyGenerally in a community every one will agree when asked that sexual and domestic violence are not good. The issues seem to come up when there is a specific example - an example in which people in the&nbsp;community&nbsp;know the players.&nbsp;
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<div>Then the stakes get high, and the conversations get uncomfortable. Think about every newspaper report of a crime in which the neighbors interviewed opine "but he was such a nice guy!"</div>
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<div>There seems to be a serious desire to split up the good guys from the bad guys. If rape and abuse are bad, then bad guys must do them, so the fact that I know this guy and liked this guy, and had him painted as a good guy, he couldn't be doing this bad thing. Conclusion: she's lying.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>What we seem to be missing in public court of opinion is that good people can do bad things, and bad people can do good things. That actually there aren't usually good and bad people, but complex people that do lots of things. Some good. Some bad. Some really, really bad.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>So when I came across <a href="http://ozymandias3.blogspot.com/2010/12/complicated.html" target="_blank">this account</a>* of a friend and a victim's complicated relationship with an abusive boyfriend, who was also a sometimes a source of strength and comfort, it resonated.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>If we can hold more complex views of the victims and perpetrators of domestic and sexual violence, we can start to do away with the victim blaming, the "why didn't she leave", the "he couldn't possibly" and we can start to get real about ending violence. We can start to hold perpetrators accountable for their bad actions - even if we still think of them as good people. We can start to support survivors without minimizing their experience, their relationship with partner who was abusive, or their protective strategies while in the relationship.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>*warning for language.</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/480302
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/480302Thu, 09 Dec 2010 13:56:04 GMTWhen women win, we all win<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);">"But embedded in that question is a dangerous assumption: People tend to assume that the balance between the sexes is a zero-sum game, that when women win, men lose. But it's simply not true."<br>
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TEDWomen conference happened recently and the speakers look <a href="http://www.boingboing.net/2010/12/07/highlights-from-tedw-1.html" target="_blank">varied</a> and <a href="http://www.boingboing.net/2010/12/07/highlights-from-tedw.html" target="_blank">wonderful</a>. Apparently before the conference, there were questions about why <a href="http://www.ted.com/" target="_blank">TED</a>&nbsp;needed to have a separate and specific conference around women and girls, instead of simply incorporating more materials about and for women and girls into their regular content. So Huffpo conducted an <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/08/02/why-tedwomen-a-qa-with-ho_n_667065.html" target="_blank">&nbsp;interview</a>&nbsp;with Pat Mitchell, host of the event, and the obvious question came up: will there be a TEDMen? I think the answer above is beautiful and perfect. I want to write it up on my wall.&nbsp;</span>
<div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51);"><br></span></div>
<div><font class="Apple-style-span" color="#333333" face="'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif" size="3"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 11px;">When I talk about gender with classes or in the context of violence that we know occurs mostly by men to women, I'm sometimes accused of&nbsp;vilifying&nbsp;men or victimizing women. Instead, I'm saying what we know, and hoping that we all can make changes necessary so that everyone can be safe, happy and productive in the world. As Pat says - it's not an either/or, it's a yes/and - yes there is a gendered dynamic to the violence that we work to end, and that means everyone has an interest in ending it.</span></font></div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/477372
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/477372Fri, 03 Dec 2010 17:44:46 GMTWorth Complaining AboutA South African study just out found that 1:3 men admitted to raping a woman. <a href="http://feministing.com/2010/12/03/powerful-south-african-psa-forces-us-to-confront-our-apathy-when-it-comes-to-domestic-violence/?utm_source=twitterfeed&amp;utm_medium=twitter" target="_blank">ONE OUT OF THREE</a>. One might think that those statistics are from some place else, they don't apply here. Maybe that's true. Dr David Lisak found in his study of <a href="http://www.preventconnect.org/wiki/index.php?title=Undetected_Rapist" target="_blank">undetected rapists in college</a> that only about 7% of the men he interviewed&nbsp;admitted&nbsp;to rape (he also found that the 4% who admitted to more than one instance of rape had an average of 6 victims each before they graduated college).&nbsp;
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<div>But the attitudes and beliefs that inform and create <a href="http://shakespearessister.blogspot.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html" target="_blank">Rape Culture</a> do in fact apply here.&nbsp;
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<div>So a South African ad agency decided to do an experiment. Unfortunately, the experiment created a beautiful ad. Watch the video to find out why I say that it "unfortunately" worked.</div>
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<div><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/BW30WslahMc?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US">
<param name="allowFullScreen" value="true">
<param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always">
<embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/BW30WslahMc?fs=1&amp;hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></object><br></div>
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<div>It is up to OUR COMMUNITIES to eliminate violence. It is your responsibility to not let sexist or violent attitudes and behaviors slide. You must say something. People's lives actually depend on it.</div>
</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/473968
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/473968Fri, 03 Dec 2010 16:36:26 GMTWebsiteOur new WISE website is 1 year (and 1 month) old! And we're&nbsp;constantly&nbsp;working on ways to make it better. Here's your chance to give us your feedback:
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<ol>
<li>How often do you use the website?</li>
<li>How do you use the website? What are your favorite functions/information/pages?</li>
<li>What would you like to see/see more of? What additional functions or information would you use?</li>
</ol>
<div>By responding in comments (or by email to Kate) you're helping us serve the Upper Valley into our 40th year!</div>
</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/473934
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/473934Wed, 01 Dec 2010 14:50:26 GMTMy Baby Sister the GeniusMy baby sister is a genius. She was ALWAYS reading, she was quiet and bright, she had glasses, she was (still is) stunningly smart.&nbsp;
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<div>Around the time she got to high school I would come home from college to visit and noticed something strange. Every time she had friends over she would use this strange giggle. She giggled at everything, her voice went up an octave, she said stupid, inane things. It was like she was trying to look dumb. And I thought why would such a smart girl want to seem dumb?</div>
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<div>A few other things about my sister - she's blonde, thin, and beautiful. Apparently she found that those things got her&nbsp;further, popularity wise, than the highest percentile GPA she rocked.&nbsp;</div>
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<div>And apparently, she's not the only one who's figured this out. Girl Scouts of America just put out a survey that found girls were purposefully making themselves seem dumb online. And this all makes sense - if we put out an expectation of how we expect girls to be, they will try to fill it. And girls (youth) have always been so super savvy at using social networking to design their online reputation/persona. So of course girls are framing themselves this way. Of course girls are posting the poses and outfits that make adults squirm at the sight of scantily clad pre-teens. I call it a case of the Gender Boxes. If we devalue women and girls for their brains and humor and ability, they'll frame themselves in the only way that this society gives women "power"* - through their sex appeal.</div>
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<div>*I say "power" because I think we can all recognize this isn't real power, but an illusion.</div>
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<div><a href="http://holykaw.alltop.com/girls-purposefully-make-themselves-look-stupi" target="_blank">Girls make themselves look stupid and mean online</a> - Alltop</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/472389
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/472389Wed, 10 Nov 2010 16:34:17 GMTThank You Notes from StudentsI get thank you notes from some students that participate in my workshops. Most say "thanks", some are beautiful/touching and articulate about what they learned, some are hilarious. I think it's worth sharing the hilarious ones...
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<div>In today's episode of TYNfS:&nbsp;
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<div>"Add me on Facebook"</div>
<div>signed: "kid in the front, tall, kinda cute :)"</div>
<div>"Thank you so much" x13</div>
<div>"I love your scarfs"</div>
<div>"It was fun and thank you for letting me write on the board."</div>
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<div>My job is fun!</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/460273
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/460273Wed, 06 Oct 2010 15:51:53 GMTHappy? Domestic Violence Awareness MonthOctober is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. There was some consideration given to moving DVAM to another month because October is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month and how can (or should) one compete with the other?<div><br></div><div>I don't particularly like "awareness months". For a number of reasons among them I don't think that a month is all the attention that an issue should get; I don't think that awareness is enough; I think that behavior change for a culture doesn't stem from 31 days of catchy signs and gel pens with crisis numbers.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>And for both Domestic Violence and Breast Cancer, I don't agree that these things are inevitable and so we need to be aware. I believe that these things are both caused by the environment that we currently live in, and I believe that these both are preventable by a culture change.&nbsp;</div><div><br></div><div>So I found <a href="http://canyourelate.org/2010/10/05/1-2-sucker-punch/" target="_blank">this post</a> and I wanted to share and agree - what if we spend this month (and far, far beyond) changing the way we live - starting with the "awareness" that it is going to take all of us to prevent the deaths due to domestic violence and breast cancer.</div><div><br></div><div>So what are your resolutions? How are you going to end violence and cancer?</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/439517
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/439517Wed, 29 Sep 2010 16:20:47 GMTUntested Kits<h2><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">Law and Order SVU tonight explores what happens when victims of sexual assault agree to go through a forensic examination to collect evidence, which is then never tested. If you see the episode, leave your comments below!&nbsp;</span></span></h2>
<h2><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/neal-baer">Neal Baer</a></span> <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mariska-hargitay"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">and Mariska Hargitay</span></a><br></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: 24px;"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/neal-baer/ending-the-backlog_b_739159.html" title="Permalink"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Ending the Backlog</span></a></span></h2>
<p><span><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/neal-baer/ending-the-backlog_b_739159.html?view=print">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/neal-baer/ending-the-backlog_b_739159.html?view=print</a></span></p>
<p><span>Imagine the unimaginable: You've been raped. You manage to pull yourself together to report your rape to the police or a hospital. You tell them what happened, reliving the nightmare. You receive essential medical attention. Then, for the next four to six hours, you submit to the collection of DNA evidence. Your body is swabbed and combed -- literally -- for evidence. This invasive and traumatic procedure produces a small package called a sexual assault evidence kit -- commonly referred to as a rape kit.</span></p>
<p><span>As tough as this procedure can be on you both physically and emotionally, you go through it because you know that gathering evidence of this crime will insure that the perpetrator is not only caught, but also incarcerated so that he can never hurt anyone again.</span></p>
<p><span>You go through it because the potential benefits of doing a rape kit are enormous: Evidence from the kit can identify an unknown perpetrator whose DNA is already in the system; confirm the presence of a known assailant; corroborate the victim's account of the rape; and exonerate innocent suspects.</span></p>
<p><span>If -- and only if -- the kit is actually tested.</span></p>
<p><span>Unfortunately, in too many cases, rape kits sit untested in police and crime lab storage facilities throughout the country. Though no federal entity collects rape kit data, experts in the federal government estimate that hundreds of thousands of rape kits remain untested in cities across the United States. In the past two years alone, the cities of Los Angeles, Detroit, Houston, Dallas, San Antonio, San Diego, Birmingham and Albuquerque and the states of Illinois and Massachusetts have discovered tens of thousands of untested kits in police stations and crime labs.</span></p>
<p><span>By failing to test these rape kits, we are telling victims that pursuing justice doesn't matter, that convicting violent perpetrators and taking them off our streets is not a top priority.</span></p>
<p><span>The most common reason given for not testing these kits is the expense, with an average cost of around $1200. But we must find ways to fund this important work to send out the word that raping someone has serious criminal consequences. That rape will be punished. And that our justice system cares about victims.</span></p>
<p><span>In light of the rape kit backlog, it seems fair to ask: Why should we put women through hours of an invasive procedure if we don't follow through and test their kits? The last thing anyone wants is for news of the rape kit backlog to discourage women from coming forward to have a rape kit collected.</span></p>
<p><span>And while testing rape kits is important to advance investigations, it also sends an important message: It shows victims that their cases -- and their pain and their anguish -- matter.</span></p>
<p><span>What else can opening a rape kit personally do for a woman, in addition to providing evidence to prosecute and convict her attacker? Here's what a woman who was raped in California had to say when her rape kit was tested after thirteen years and her rapist was finally identified: "Finally, my nightmares have stopped almost altogether. I have a sense of security that I haven't felt in over a decade. My home is my own. My family is safe."</span></p>
<p><span>The good news is that we can fix this problem. New York City eliminated its backlog in 2003 to dramatic effect -- the arrest rate for rape jumped from 40 to 70 per cent.</span></p>
<p><span>Wednesday's episode of <em>Law and Order: SVU</em>, "Behave," shows the dire consequences of the rape kit backlog. We hope it will move you to action. To learn more about how you can help, go to a new web-site launching on September 29th, <a href="http://www.endthebacklog.org" target="_hplink">endthebacklog.org</a>. Together we can end the rape kit backlog and bring justice to victims.</span></p>
<p><em><span>Neal Baer is the Executive Producer of Law &amp; Order: Special Victims Unit on NBC; Mariska Hargitay is the Emmy-winning star of SVU and the founder of the Joyful Heart Foundation.</span></em></p>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/429341
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/429341Mon, 27 Sep 2010 18:06:04 GMTWISE and DHMCDartmouth-Hitchcock Medical Center newsletter - Centerview - had an article in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month (October). We are so proud of our collaboration with health care centers in the Upper Valley, and the DHMC Domestic and Sexual Violence Task Force (of which we are a part) is a glowing example of good work done together.
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<p style="margin-bottom:7.5pt;background:white"><span style="font-size:19.0pt;font-family:&quot;Georgia&quot;,&quot;serif&quot;;color:#29568A">Recognizing Domestic Violence Awareness Month at DHMC</span></p>
<p style="margin-bottom:7.5pt;background:white"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 8px; color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Sep 27, 2010</span></p>
<p style="margin-top:3.75pt;margin-right:0in;margin-bottom: 11.25pt;margin-left:0in;background:white"><span style="font-size:9.0pt; font-family:&quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;color:#333333">Domestic violence is one of the most under reported crimes. However, the U.S. Surgeon General’s office has cited battering as the single major cause of injury to women. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence reports that:</span></p>
<ul style="margin-top:0in" type="disc">
<li style="color:#333333;margin-bottom:3.75pt; tab-stops:list .5in;background:white"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:&quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;Times New Roman&quot;">One in four women will experience domestic violence in her lifetime.</span></li>
<li style="color:#333333;margin-bottom:3.75pt; tab-stops:list .5in;background:white"><span style="font-size:9.0pt; font-family:&quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;Times New Roman&quot;">Approximately 1.3 million women are victims of physical assault by an intimate partner each year.</span></li>
<li style="color:#333333;margin-bottom:3.75pt; tab-stops:list .5in;background:white"><span style="font-size:9.0pt; font-family:&quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;Times New Roman&quot;">Eighty-five percent of domestic violence victims are women. Men are victims, too.</span></li>
</ul>
<p style="margin-top:3.75pt;background:white"><span style="font-size:9.0pt;font-family:&quot;Verdana&quot;,&quot;sans-serif&quot;;color:#333333">Sara Koury, Director and Counselor of DHMC’s Employee Assistance Program, says, “Within our own community of DHMC employees, roughly 6% of the people who come to EAP for help present with domestic violence issues. We had about 103 people with domestic violence issues come to EAP between 2004 and 2010.”<br>
<br>
During October, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a series of events will take place at DHMC to raise awareness, provide resources and encourage conversation. The events are being planned by the Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Task Force. Kim Carboneau, Organizational Development Specialist (ODS) in Employee Relations, explains, “The task force was started in 1991 to address the need to improve the DHMC response to victims of domestic and sexual violence. It’s currently made up of representatives from WISE and D-H, but it has at times included representatives from local police departments. We have good working relationships with community advocates.” WISE’s mission is to empower victims of domestic and sexual violence and stalking to become safe and self-reliant through crisis intervention and support services. WISE advances social justice through community education, training and public policy.<br>
<br>
<b>October events include:</b><br>
<br>
• Display tables:<br>
o Garage Entrance, level 4: Oct. 4 – 8<br>
o North Stair Alcove, level 3: Oct. 18 – 22<br>
<br>
• Nursing Grand Rounds, Oct. 15, from noon to 1 p.m., Aud. F<br>
"Trauma-Informed Screening for Domestic Violence." Speaker Abby Tassel, Assistant Director at WISE, will present a relatively new concept in screening patients for history or presence of domestic violence (DV). "Trauma informed screening" methods consider that victims of violence face increased internal and external barriers when they seek health care. A trauma-centered approach to screening can help a patient feel safe, feel trust in caregivers, engage more effectively in a care plan, and avoid re-traumatization. It can also help caregivers more accurately assess patients' needs.<br>
<br>
• Movie and Discussion, Thursday, Oct. 28, at 6:30 p.m., Aud. E<br>
Gaslight (The Murder in Thornton Square, 1944, NR, 114 minutes)<br>
In this atmospheric murder mystery, beautiful, naive socialite Paula (Ingrid Bergman) disintegrates into a raving lunatic in the home in which her aunt was murdered. The suspect? Her devoted husband (Charles Boyer). Remade from the 1940 version, director George Cukor's dramatic mystery garnered two Oscar wins (including Best Actress for Bergman) and seven nominations, remaining a classic. Free. Snacks provided.<br>
<br>
This month is a good time to remind providers of the importance of screening. “We really want to stress during Domestic Violence Awareness month the importance of screening for domestic violence with every patient over the age of 16,” says Koury. “We have Domestic and Sexual Violence Acute Care Protocol that providers should be familiar with. It’s been found that as many as 75 percent of battered women say they would have told a nurse or physician about the domestic violence if they’d been asked.” Deb Hastings, PhD, RN-BC, CNOR, Director of Continuing Nursing Education and task force member, says providers should consider asking these two questions: Have you been hit, kicked, punched, or otherwise hurt by a family member or intimate partner in the past year? Do you feel safe at home and in other relationships?<br>
<br>
For more information on Domestic Violence Awareness Month or on domestic or sexual violence, please contact Sara Koury at 650-5819, or the WISE office at (603) 448-5922 or their 24 hour crisis line at (866)348-WISE.&nbsp;</span></p>
</div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/425697
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/425697Mon, 13 Sep 2010 17:36:02 GMTDomestic Violence seems Standard<P>Happy Monday!</P>
<P>I took the opportunity to flip through an&nbsp;available newspaper at the office today. Mondays are my day in Woodstock and the Vermont Standard is the paper of choice. If you'd be so kind as to indulge, I'd like to take a virtual tour through the front section of the Sept 10, 2010 publication:</P>
<P>Front page, first article: "Former Killington Teacher Asks for Jail" wherein Daniel Madden appeared in Windsor District Court in response to felony second degree unlawful restraint and misdemeanor domestic assault against his wife, who filed a Relief From Abuse Order which prompted Madden's arrest. Madden asks to skip all preceedings and go directly to Jail, court takes pity on the dejected man and postpones arraignment until the next day, when Madden reappears and pleads "not guilty". </P>
<P>Page 2A: <BR>Police Log contains the service of a Temporary Relief From Abuse Order and the assistance of a "family dispute". Woodstock man punches his wife in the face at a gas station in Windsor and is held by bystanders until police arive. Plainfield man arrested in Woodstock for drunk driving, domestic assault, and simple assault against his girlfriend and a bystander trying to intervene on the woman's behalf.&nbsp;</P>
<P>At the moment, domestic violence (and sexual violence and stalking) are&nbsp;unfortunate realities in the&nbsp;Upper Valley, but they don't have to be.&nbsp;I am heartened to hear of bystanders stepping in when they see violence, and the local media providing conversation opportunities by covering the issues. I hope that we as a community can build on these successes to open dialogue about the dynamics of violence, incorporating coordinated community response to support victims and hold perpetrators accountable, and set our resolve for a world without violence. </P>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/417730
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/417730Tue, 31 Aug 2010 17:12:49 GMTTell us what you want!<P>We're almost a year into our brand new WISE website and in our efforts to always serve the needs of the community - we're asking you what you want!</P>
<P>What do you want on the site? What documents, resources, links, information?</P>
<P>What do you want on the blog? What should WISE be seeking out to comment on through our blog? Anyone want to guest post? Who do you want to hear from?</P>
<P>What's working? Are there things that you LOVE and want to make sure stay?</P>
<P>Tell us what you want!</P>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/411402
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/411402Tue, 24 Aug 2010 17:20:00 GMTWISE StandardLaura Powers wrote a <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Resources/Documents/wisearticle%20%282%29.pdf" target="_blank">beautiful article</a> which ran recently in the Vermont Standard on the Woodstock Healthy Teens project currently running in Woodstock, VT. Our favorite line: "And Rohdenburg is talking, a lot." :)<br>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/407808
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/407808Thu, 21 Jan 2010 18:08:49 GMTWISE presenting in the First International Online Conference on Child Sexual Abuse Prevention!Kate Rohdenburg (current WISE Education and Outreach Coordinator) and Christina Stoltz (formor WISE Program Advocate, current Crisis Intervention Advocate at Sezim Crisis Center in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan) were accepted to present their paper "<b>Worlds Apart: How Social Networking Technologies Blur the Boundaries Between Sexual Assault Prevention and Perpetration</b>" at the First International Online Conference on Child Sexual Abuse Prevention. The conference happens virtually in March. Social networking is a new horizon for WISE and as we start to really imagine our organization's participation online, this experience presenting to international colleagues will certainly guide our work. Wish them luck! <br>
<br>
The paper summary:<br>
<blockquote>This paper globally contextualizes contemporary trends in
discourse, teaching, and activism by highlighting the ways in which
First and Third World communities outreach programs utilize virtual
social networks and by examining the benefits and challenges these
organizations face. From the perspectives of two gender-based violence
intervention organizations, WISE victim advocacy and support center in
New Hampshire, USA and the Sezim Crisis Center in Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan,
this paper addresses the following trends in crisis intervention,
education coordination, and social networking:...<br>
</blockquote><a href="http://www.cnet.ngo.net.au/content/view/43655/493/">Find out more</a> about the conference sponsored by Deakin University.http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/271885
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/271885Thu, 03 Dec 2009 19:46:08 GMTSextingLast year I was stumped when a high school teacher asked if I had heard about the new thing kids were doing call "sexting". I never had heard of sexting - but I could imagine what it entailed, sending sexually explicit pictures via phones. My immediate reaction was to chuckle at the cleverly apt name, and to muse that Cosmopolitan magazine had been instructing women to send suggestive texts to boyfriends since the capability had been invented. Why wouldn't middle and high school youth be catching on, that's how you're supposed to be attractive, right?<br><br>Unfortunately, as information and research have emerged, it has become clear that teens aren't just mimicking adults and experimenting with their sexual presence. <br><br>While numerous studies are confirming that the majority of girls who are sending explicit texts are doing so because of pressure from a boyfriend or interest, <a href="http://justjared.buzznet.com/2009/12/01/rihanna-photo-leaks-were-humiliating-and-embarrassing/" target="_blank">Rihanna </a>is confirming how widespread and acceptable sexting has become. ("if you don’t send your boyfriend naked pictures, then I feel bad for him") At the same time, we're realizing how damaging the aftermath can be if photos or messages which were meant to be private are then shared with the world. <br><div id="TixyyLink" style="border: medium none ; overflow: hidden; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); background-color: transparent; text-align: left; text-decoration: none;"><br>And this is what I think deserves some more thought. While the high school teacher's immediate thought was "don't these girls know better?!" I don't see "these girls" as the problem. They're doing what the culture is expecting of them.<br><br>Rather, the youth who are circulating private exchanges without consent, the youth who take it upon themselves to slut-shame, humiliate and bully the victim. The schools and parents who punish victims for "bad choices" rather than the bullies and abusers for taking advantage of a vulnerable girl. <a href="http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/12/03/hope-witsell-revictimized-into-suicide/" target="_blank">This is problematic</a>, and as we've learned recently, <a href="http://jezebel.com/5417901/sexting-suicides-and-the-dangers-of-digital-abuse" target="_blank">tragic</a>. <br><br>Sexual violence doesn't follow the script that we've written for it. Sexual violence in the form of forwarding pictures and harassing the victim can be as invasive and tormenting as any other. We need to shift our focus from what "choices" the victim made, to what violence others have perpetrated. <br><br></div>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/252534
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/252534Wed, 25 Nov 2009 16:57:41 GMTOn Predators and BystandersThomas has a really interesting post on the <a href="http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/11/12/meet-the-predators/" target="_blank">Yes Means Yes blog</a> analyzing research (including by Dr. Lisak) on repeat perpetrators of Rape, and using that to propose some prevention strategies - mostly in terms of what bystanders can do.<br><br>I specifically want to point out this excerpt:<br><blockquote><p>I saw economist James Galbraith not long ago — an economist beloved
of progressives everywhere. Galbraith said, among other things, “First
rule of economics: incentives work.” He was speaking in another
context, but this applies to rape. The overwhelming prevalence of
acquaintance over stranger rapes and of intoxication over overt force,
and the relative rarity of weapon use and physical injuries, is easily
explained. <b>Rapists know what works. They like to rape, they want to
keep doing it, they want not to be caught. It is in their interest to
be very sensitive to which accounts of rape are believed and which are
attacked and to know which targets and methods are lowest-risk for
them. </b></p><p>What they do is what works. They rape their drunk acquaintances
because it works. They rape their drunk acquaintances because we let
them.</p></blockquote>
This is important to be because it means that EVERY TIME we victim blame, or make assumptions about "real" rape (or as <a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/roman-polanski/6245219/Roman-Polanski-backlash-as-Whoopi-Goldberg-says-director-didnt-commit-rape-rape.html" target="_blank">Whoopi puts it</a>, "rape rape" we are allowing predators to perpetrate. We are accomplices. But we can make the choice not to be. <br><br>Perpetrators may not change their minds to decide that rape is bad, but we can make the risk far too high for the majority to accept. If we as the culture take away the incentive. If we take away the camouflage. If we take away the excuses. We can end rape. <br>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/249351
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/249351Mon, 23 Nov 2009 19:10:32 GMTThe Trial of Mr Smith and "real" men<h3 class="UIIntentionalStory_Message" data-ft="{&quot;type&quot;:&quot;msg&quot;}">
</h3><h3><span class="uistorymessage"><span style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: Georgia; font-weight: normal;">I like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQGdJSMzADA" target="_blank">this video</a> and LOVE <a href="http://www.domesticabuseshelter.org/InfoSexualViolence.htm#trial" target="_blank">The Trial of Mr Smith</a> on which it was based, I like the
blunt articulation. I'm not sure about framing these things as what a
"real man" would do. Some say that re-framing "real man" to
be positive, respectful and non-violent is helpful, others would say that it
maintains a false gender dichotomy - that the idea of "real man" and
"real woman" is false, limiting and exclusionary. What do you think?</span></span><br>
</h3><br>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/248444
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/248444Mon, 23 Nov 2009 15:52:30 GMTTeaching Primary Prevention<font face="Georgia">Primary prevention comes from a public health model of preventing disease, and has more recently become a catch phrase in the anti- domestic and sexual violence movement.&nbsp; (For more information on what primary prevention means check out this <a href="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Content/Documents/Document.ashx?DocId=89111" target="_blank">memo</a> by WISE fellow Amanda George!)<br><br>The shift for many crisis centered organizations has really caused us to think about our mission and purpose, however many (including myself) have come to the theory that prevention is crucial to ENDING gender-based violence. <br><br>So when we decide to embrace prevention education, what does this mean and how can we best teach it? There are many theories, postulations, and little research. And this spans across all manner of learning, violence, and prevention topics. <br><br>One little minute detail - the teaching of Myth v. Fact - has been one that's caught my attention and the divide is great. Is it a useful tool to show common myths in order to dispel them, or are we doing more harm than good by giving the myth air time in lessons? While I have firm personal beliefs, others have as well which are directly opposite, and the research we each can turn to is loose and not violence-based. <br><br>The CALCASA (the parent organization of PreventConnect) <a href="http://calcasa.org/prevention/using-myths-and-facts-for-prevention/" target="_blank">blog</a> looks at the examples of other social messaging campaigns and asks how we can connect these lessons to our work in anti-violence.&nbsp; <br><br>What do you think? Is prevention the next step for our movement? Can we use other social messaging to inform our methods? Are myths useful or hurtful?<br></font>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/248381
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/248381Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:34:51 GMT"Accidental Rape"<font face="Georgia" size="3">I do this activity in schools where a couple goes to a party, both of them drink, but the female becomes so drunk as to be incapacitated. Her boyfriend takes her upstairs (she wants to lay down to feel better) and has sex with her (while she's unable to protest). Most commonly the response to "what happened??" is "There was a miscommunication." I think <a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/author/ahess/" target="_blank">Amanda</a>'s response to this over at <a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/09/legal-consent-morning-after-regret-and-accidental-rape/" target="_blank">The Sexist</a> is SPOT on (read the <a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/09/legal-consent-morning-after-regret-and-accidental-rape/" target="_blank">whole article</a> for much more debunking fun!)</font> ***<br><br><font face="Georgia" size="3">Excerpt from <i><b>Legal Consent, Morning After Regret, and "Accidental" Rape </b></i>Orignally posted Nov. 9, 2009</font><br><p><strong>Some rapes happen on accident</strong> [<a href="http://www.washingtoncitypaper.com/blogs/sexist/2009/11/09/2009/11/03/on-the-difficulty-of-saying-no/#comment-21723">Source</a>].</p>
<p>As <strong>Thomas</strong> <a href="http://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2009/10/28/bracing-for-the-rape-apology/">notes on the <em>Yes Means Yes! </em>blog</a>,
the dominant analogy used to address rape likens it to a terrible and
unpreventable disaster. Under this model, rape is like a hurricane.
Everyone agrees that hurricanes are devastating. Hurricanes cannot be
prevented—they can only be predicted, planned for, and vigilantly
avoided. Because no one can be blamed for causing a hurricane, the onus
is on the victims to make sure they stay out of the disaster’s path.</p>
<p>Similarly, because many people are convinced that nothing can stop a
rapist from raping, women are encouraged to conform to a series of
disaster-avoidance behaviors: stay indoors, wear longer skirts, quit
drinking, travel in packs, and avoid trusting men.</p>
<p>Of course, rapes have a pretty obvious culprit: rapists. Still, some
people continue to cast date rape scenarios in particular as
unavoidable accidents. Since acquaintance rapes are absent of any
obvious malicious intent, they are considered a product of an
unfortunate miscommunication. These rapists did not <em>intend </em>to rape anyone. In a way, they too are victims—victims of the problematic gray area of sexual consent.</p>
<p>This focus on some rapes as “accidents” suffers from a
misapplication of the term “accident.” I often find analogies
misleading in discussion of sexual assault (see: that hurricane
bullshit), but I’m going to use an analogy in this instance because I
think it may be helpful. What if we thought about rape in terms of
another type of accident—a car accident?</p>
<p>In the United States, driving a car is a privilege. In order to be
cleared to drive, you must pass tests, register your information with
the government, have enough money to buy a vehicle, and secure
insurance in case you get into a wreck. For some people, the privilege
of stepping behind the wheel inspires a certain amount of hubris. These
people believe that because they are driving a car, they can take
certain liberties on the road—including cutting others off in order to
save time, running red lights, shirking stop signs, and generally being
a gigantic asshole. Their concern lies only in getting where they want
to go as fast as they can, and not at all with all the other humans on
the road they have an obligation to protect.</p>
<p>A few weeks ago, my boyfriend was <a href="http://www.wired.com/autopia/2009/11/pedestrian-fatalities-report/">hit by a car when he was in a crosswalk</a>
(he’s fine, thanks for asking). In D.C., of course, pedestrians legally
hold the right of way in a crosswalk. But my boyfriend did not share
the privilege of the driver—he was a pedestrian, and so he was forced
to wait patiently at the very wide, very well-marked, very busy
crosswalk until one of the big privileged cars deigned to stop for him.
If a pedestrian decides to step out into the street as oncoming traffic
approaches, he has to hope that his legal right to cross—not to mention
his human life—outweighs the driver’s sense of privilege to keep on
trucking. Asserting your rights, of course, comes with a certain amount
of danger. But pedestrians have no choice but to cross busy streets.
And sometimes, they get hit.</p>
<p>Now, the driver who hit him did not set out with the <em>intention </em>of
running into a human with her car. She didn’t mean to hurt anybody. But
she also knew full well that cars are required to stop for pedestrians
in crosswalks. She was simply so accustomed to her driving privilege
that she never dreamed that this could actually happen—and that she
would ever be held responsible for her habitual disregard for the law.
After all, a lot of motorists act this way, and most pedestrians just
stay out of their way. When a pedestrian is hit in a crosswalk, it’s
not an accident. It’s the result of the motorist who has normalized her
dangerous actions.</p>
<p>When rapists engage in sex acts without bothering to gain their sex
partner’s consent, they are not “accidentally” raping someone. Rapes
don’t come from miscommunication. They are not isolated, unpreventable
incidents. They are a product of institutionalized, reinforced,
life-long privilege. They are the symptoms of a flaw in the rapist’s
entire worldview. They are the product of the way the rapist has
habitually devalued women, laid claim to the bodies of others, pursued
what he wants no matter what—and <em>never thought anything of it </em>because he has never been called on it. That’s not an accident. That’s a system.</p><br>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243419
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243419Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:17:05 GMTViolence Against Women Entertains<p><span style="font-family: Georgia;">Gender violence has
cultural roots - we learn what we see.&nbsp; Unfortunately, according to a new
study, what we're seeing is a lot of violence against women and girls.</span><br></p><img src="http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/Content/Pictures/Picture.ashx?PicId=192083" title="VolenceonTV.JPG" alt="VolenceonTV.JPG" border="0"><br><font face="Verdana"><font face="Georgia" size="3">From <a href="http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/11/07/violence-against-women-on-prime-time-up-since-2004/" target="_blank">Sociological Images</a></font></font><br>
<br>
<font face="Georgia">Parent's Television Council has put out a report titled "<a href="http://www.parentstv.org/PTC/publications/reports/womeninperil/study.pdf" target="_blank">Women in Peril: A look at TV's disturbing new storyline trend</a>" which found that depictions of violence against women has increased by 120% on mainstream television. Specifically:<br><br></font>
<div align="center"><font face="Georgia"><i>"Cumulatively, across all study periods and all networks, the most
frequent type of violence was beating (29%), followed by credible
threats of violence (18%), shooting (11%), rape (8%), stabbing (6%),
and torture (2%).&nbsp; Violence against women resulted in death 19% of the
time.</i></font><br><br><font face="Georgia"><i>Violence towards women or the graphic consequences of violence tends
overwhelmingly to be depicted (92%) rather than implied (5%) or
described (3%).</i>"</font><br></div>
<font face="Georgia"><br>And if you're skeptical, check out some of the images collected at <a href="http://contexts.org/socimages/2009/11/07/violence-against-women-on-prime-time-up-since-2004/" target="_blank">Sociological Images</a>.</font>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243400
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243400Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:43:57 GMTDr. David Lisak on non-stranger sexual assault<font face="Georgia" size="3">Dr. Lisak is a leader in research on sexual assault, specializing over the past 20 years on perpetrator psychology. WISE recognizes him as one of the primer experts in the field of sexual assault. Dr. Lisak was one of the first</font><font size="3"><font face="Georgia"> presenters for the WISE Law Enforcement Annual Trainings.</font></font><br><br><embed src="http://cnettv.cnet.com/av/video/cbsnews/atlantis2/player-dest.swf" flashvars="linkUrl=http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=5592427n&amp;tag=related;photovideo&amp;releaseURL=http://cnettv.cnet.com/av/video/cbsnews/atlantis2/player-dest.swf&amp;videoId=50079320,50079332,50079329,50079330,50079327,50079328,50079326&amp;partner=news&amp;vert=News&amp;si=254&amp;autoPlayVid=false&amp;name=cbsPlayer&amp;allowScriptAccess=always&amp;wmode=transparent&amp;embedded=y&amp;scale=noscale&amp;rv=n&amp;salign=tl" allowfullscreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" width="425" height="324"><br><font face="Georgia" size="3"><a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/">Watch CBS News Videos Online</a><br><br>From the <a href="https://www.umb.edu/academics/cla/dept/psychology/faculty/lisak.html" target="_blank">UMass Boston </a>website: Dr. Lisak is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the study of
the causes and consequences of interpersonal violence. His research
focuses on the motives and behaviors of rapists and murderers, the
impact of childhood abuse on adult men, and relationship between child
abuse and later violence. He consults nationally with law enforcement,
prosecutors, judges and the U.S. military, and he was the founding
editor of the journal, Psychology of Men and Masculinity.</font>
<br>http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243399
http://www.wiseoftheuppervalley.org/blog/243399