PS Malik tells: Erotica is Born of Porn and not of Sex

PS Malik tells: Erotica is Born of Porn and not of Sex

These days sex has been so commercialized and advertized that the vision of a common man has been blurred. It is difficult for him to distinctly identify the sex and the porn. Thousands of websites are offering unrestricted porn which the people particularly the younger ones take as sex. These young people have no occasion to know what the sex is, beyond this forcibly exhibited porn. This porn has created a lot of confusion and starvation amongst their minds. They expect their partners to respond in the manner it is shown in the porn. And on partner’s failure to do so the mutual relationships between those young ones are getting affected adversely.

A few days back a research was undertaken on a topic of ‘Domestic Violence’. It was found during that research that a number of marriages are spoilt in India by this porn. Young boys expect their brides to perform the acts as they had seen in these porn movies or websites. To a great extent due to the cultural background when these brides failed to respond accordingly they were treated with cruelty. They were beaten, battered, branded with hot objects, made to stand without cloths over night, thrown out of the bed rooms so on and so forth.

It is not only that women were met with such cruel treatment even boys were treated by their new wives with contempt and scorn if they failed to perform physical acts in various poses. At least in eight cases it was lastly culminated into mutual separation at the instance of the wives. This sounds strange in a traditional society like India but this is fact obtained by an empirical research.

This is all because the young ones expect their partners to perform porn instead of sex. And the result is devastating. These results are not only reflected in these matrimonial breakages but in some other forms at social, economic and psychological planes. The young generation has developed an everlasting appetite of arousal and a continuous effort to satiate it. This has given the porn industry a great impetus.

Sometimes back Esther Perel published a paper and showed that the love and desire are two different things. There were some great results in his paper e.g.:

Love and Desire/security and adventure

• Love and desire, they relate and they conflict. Herein lies the mystery of eroticism.

• Love is about having; it seeks to know our partner. Desire is about wanting, it requires the ongoing elusiveness of the other.

• Love and desire spring from separate and distinct motives, they are separate experiences.

• Reconciliation of love and desire, passion and intimacy, is the reconciliation of two sets of conflicting fundamental human needs: the need for safety and security, stability and predictability, continuity and permanence on one hand and the need for risk and novelty, the quest for the unknown, adventure, and transcendence on the other.

• The ability to tolerate our fundamental aloneness is the key to sustaining erotic desire. It’s about intermittent merging.

• Partners need to negotiate their dual needs for safety and stability with their wish for unpredictability and even risk.