_ _ _____ _ __ <*the* weekly high-tech sarcastic update for the uk>
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| \| | | | | ' / | '_ \ / _ \ \ /\ / / o ntknow-subscribe@lists.ntk.net
| |\ | | | | . \ | | | | (_) \ v v / o website (+ archive) lives at:
|_| \_| |_| |_|\_\|_| |_|\___/ \_/\_/ o http://www.ntk.net/ "It is clear the state government will need to look at
changing the law in order to protect people too stupid to
protect themselves,"
- IAIN EVANS, the Australian Environment minister banning "white shark petting"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/hi/english/world/asia-pacific/newsid_1456000/1456831.stm
What about the Darwin Awards? Is there *no* facet of online
culture the Australians won't legislate away?
>> HARD NEWS <<
silence broods
"That's not a bug! That's a - " PLEASE CLEAR THE AREA AND
REPORT TO CONTROL. Even in the most open of projects,
MOZILLA, some matters are best hidden from the hoi-polloi.
Unless you've got the "appropriate permissions", it's ACCESS
DENIED these days to Bug report #90502 in the Bugzilla
database. But what possible horrific show-stopper could the
report hide? Is it the rumoured "SHIP YOU BUGGERS SHIP"
feature request? Or is it, as the fossilised comments on
Mozillazine indicate, an Windows XP user report that reveals
that Compaq plans to ship with the Mozilla pre-installed?
Will the rumoured AOL desktop really be including the Last
Greatest Hope to IE? Could it be that Moz, which even
embittered losers like us agree is rather splendid these
days, will make the faintest of splashes after all?
http://bugzilla.mozilla.org/show_bug.cgi?id=90502
- it's the End of Netscape Boss
http://www.mozillazine.org/talkback.html?article=1967&message=23#23
- whose side are you on? being the subtle hint here
"Nobody, twenty years ago, predicted the Internet",
wrong-foots BRYAN APPLEYARD in his *very first sentence* in
THE SUNDAY TIMES this week. Apart from, we guess, the few
thousand people who were using it at the time. And what
exactly was Bryan doing twenty years ago? Well, in 1984
(close enough), he was shocked - *shocked* - at the
"dead-end world of techno porn" (read: computer magazines),
decrying "the hideous ads, the ghastly, breathless prose,"
and, most delightfully, "the do-it-yourself programming with
its relentless militarism". Five years ago, he was laying
into Wired, the Net and its oversimplistic utopianism. And
these days? Cue Bryan's own new look: ghastly, breathless,
oversimplistic pro-Internet utopianism. "You won't have to
pluck up the courage to talk to that girl or boy you fancy
in the bar. Your device will do it for you." And what will
that device be, Bryan? "They will be internet devices rather
than phones and they will run at 2m bps and have colour
screens and cameras built in, making video conferencing
possible." I see. We're looking forward to the relentlessly
militaristic source to Bryan's version of Ms Pacman soon.
http://www.mjwilson.demon.co.uk/crash/17/editrl.htm
- "self-disgust is born" - Crash Mag, guest editor: J.G. Ballard
http://www.sunday-times.co.uk/news/pages/sti/2001/07/22/stimazmaz03004.html
- handy one-line CAPALERT-style guide to the movies, too
More news on DMITRY SKLYAROV, the Russian currently in a Las
Vegas jail over his PhD thesis (no, really - although he did
sell it on to Elcomsoft) on eBook security. The EFF has
wrangled an interview with the US Attorney's office today:
but it seems that current Attorney Mr Mueller has been
rather busy with his application to be Bush's FBI director ,
and knew very little of the case. One hopes he's prodding
his office not to pursue a doomed case at *just* the wrong
time in his confirmation hearings. Meanwhile, back in the
freedom-loving UK, a new mailing list has been started to
organise the sort of genteel demonstrations we pull off
here. Monday's the next date (the EFF is asking everyone to
hold off until their meeting finishes): they're leafleting
in the US, so may we suggest a fax enquiry to your local MP?
Either that, or we can all go out and turn over a few cars.
Up to you.
http://www.eff.org/IP/DMCA/US_v_Sklyarov/20010724_eff_mueller_letter.html
- we like the whole "you wouldn't like us when we're angry" tone
http://www.xenoclast.org/freesklyarov/
- unleash the mailman of war
http://www.faxyourmp.com/ - in case you'd forgotten
http://www.mailutilities.com/aee/
- heck, if they'd arrested an Elcomsoft employee for *this*, we'd be
all "bang him up and throw away the key"
>> ANTI-NEWS <<
berating the obvious
"Only God Can Judge Us" claim http://www.hayezsquad.co.uk/ ,
though http://validator.w3.org/ has a couple of suggestions
... GUARDIAN UNLIMITED urgently seeking new revenue streams:
http://195.182.183.18/auctions/lot.asp?PropertyID=215 ... "Top
10 Celebs who live in Switzerland" #7 has been DEAD 4 YEARS:
http://switzerland.isyours.com/d/Beruehmtheiten/index.html ...
NME refuse to have a bad word said against trendy new band:
http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/27/dohnme.jpg ... ATARI founder "a
shit": http://homepage.tinet.ie/~morrikar/Library_BizWeek1.htm
(1st para)... reuniting bullies, victims and easy access to
automatic weapons: http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/27/dohclass.jpg
...truth in search engines#4: do you mean "kill my coworkerS"?
http://www.google.com/search?q=kill+my+coworker ... FT.COM
still displaying story on hacked Consumer Association site:
http://ftyourmoney.ft.com/FTym/creditcardsloans , seem to be
having problems of their own: http://credit.ftyourmoney.com/
... http://www.rangeva.com vs http://www.adobe.com ... sign up
for DIRECTORY ENQUIRIES ONLINE, get 2 fewer searches per day:
http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/27/dohuse.gif ... clearly not
doomed: http://www.paspic.com/index.php?page=about ... hey,
now everyone's a critic - the new album isn't *that* bad:
http://www.ntk.net/2001/07/27/dohu2.gif ... company "without
venture capital or an IPO" offering "up to UKP18 per annum":
http://www.reed.co.uk/cgi-bin/JobDetails.asp?JobID=736779 ...
we are stardust - but our phones seem to be something else:
http://store.europe.yahoo.com/carphonewarehouse-uk/o2oppsiem35.html ...
>> EVENT QUEUE <<
goto's considered non-harmful
"The new economy isn't dead - it's just 'taking a breather'"
is the premise of TIM O'REILLY's talk to the UK UNIX User
Group and their friends, not this Thursday, but the Thursday
after next (2001-08-09, from 6.30pm, Cruciform Building
Lecture Theatre 1, University College, London WC1, free but
arrive early to make sure you get in). Tim is of course the
founder and president of O'Reilly Publications, and may even
be able to recommend some extensive technical reference works
that you could read while enjoying your surprise vacation.
Curiously, O'Reilly don't do a "Hitting The Metal On The C64,
MSX And Amiga" book, but if they did, they could probably
shift a few copies at THE ASSEMBLY demo party 2001 (from 2001-
-08-02, Hartwall-Areena, Helsinki, from 200mk), which this
year features an exclusive invitation-only "oldskool area"
separated off from the rest of the event - though for whose
protection isn't entirely clear...
http://www.ukuug.org/events/TOR_20010809.shtml
- or get him to sign your http://bofhcam.org/co-larters/ shirt
http://www.assembly.org/content/tickets/oldskool_info.html
- half the price, 4 times the power!
http://www.dnscon.org/dns4/
- also in Aug: Blackpool Beach Defacement and Social Engineering
>> TRACKING <<
sufficiently advanced technology : the gathering
EtherPEG was a program that sniffed for JPEGs passing by on
the AirPort networks at MacHack, and showing them on the
huge screen to shame people into a) turning the 802.11
encryption on, or b) reducing amount of pr0n they download
at weirdo Mac conventions. DRIFTNET can do the same for
*your* office, and make an attractive desktop accessory to
boot. The program promiscuously sniffs and decodes any JPEG
downloaded by anyone on your LAN, displaying it in an
attractive, ever changing mosaic of fluffy kittens,
oversized navigation buttons, and blurred images of Big
Brother Elizabeth fiddling. It's UNIX only. Your
sysadmin is undoubtedly running it already. So stop that. Now.
http://www.ex-parrot.com/~chris/driftnet/
- what the world needs is Windows software to snoop on sysadmins
http://natts.com/bb-liz.html
- for those of you whose e-mail was too full of SirCam files to spot this
>> MEMEPOOL <<
roam o'er the teoma
"Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty MONTAGUE!":
http://www.gurubooks.com/catalog/gb3006.html ... USENET
posters understandably cautious about CC "robots" (1st reply):
http://groups.google.com/groups?hl=en&th=b2b1b60a9c84d598,3
... as true today as it's always been - nobody likes a
smartarse: http://www.kingswoodweb.net/boomshankers/tossa.asp ,
http://web.ukonline.co.uk/laurenharries ... NTK does not
necessarily endorse: http://www.petitiononline.com/Archer/ ...
having problems distinguishing Christian sites and parodies
again: http://www.ship-of-fools.com/Features/Aslan.html ;
http://choir.faithweb.com/ ; "in *my* day, light was *much*
faster": http://www.freerepublic.com/forum/a38bc8996338f.htm
...your taxes at work: http://star.pst.qub.ac.uk/~imc/bod.html
... UNIX users: join the SirCam fun by "dd bs=512 skip=268"ing
those attachments... new thrill - "Widdecombe" of the week:
http://www.cineworld.co.uk/cinemas/newsite.phtml?site=your%20local%20prison
... visit our bright circular patch about 100m in diameter!:
http://www.thursdaysclassroom.com/24may01/trailmap.html ...
master of more than his domain: http://www.kramerformayor.com/
... elastic bands as budget dental floss... worth every cent:
http://www.ci.saint-paul.mn.us/depts/police/prostitution_photos_lastweek.html
... it's back: http://www.newbiehacker.uk.co/main.php ... from
the folks who brought you "Effects Of Celery On Loose Elastic":
http://www.lileks.com/institute/gallery/500/ ... life imitates
(or fails to heed) GREG EGAN: http://www.oxfordancestors.com/ ...
>> GEEK MEDIA <<
get out less
TV>> supporting the theory that it's mainly watched by women
and gay men (who zanily share a flat together?), BIG BROTHER
(from 6pm, Fri, C4) alternates all night with recent repeats
of WILL AND GRACE (8pm & 10pm, Fri, C4) and an ALT-TV indie
docu about trainers (7.30pm, Fri, C4)... David "Friday Night
Armistice" Schneider, presenter of THE HORROR OF (7pm, Fri,
BBC1), handily used to be in a double act with the guy who
writes the "How To" bit in the Guardian Weekend magazine...
and we can't remember which bit of Lars Von Trier's "Twin
Peaks"-y hospital series THE KINGDOM II this is (1.05am, Fri,
BBC2), though they're all spookily interchangeable... Saturday
night's all right - for fighting! - once again with out-of-
nowhere random Simon Singh WW1-crypto repeat THE SCIENCE OF
SECRECY (6.45pm, Sat, C4), Benjamin Britten's WW2 opera OWEN
WINGRAVE (7.20pm, Sat, C4), '80s Nazi spy movie EYE OF THE
NEEDLE (9pm, Sat, C4), plus Stallone vs "Mi-24 Hind" gunships
(actually French-made Pumas) in RAMBO III (10pm, Sat, C5)...
Frank Miller's recycled "Elektra: Assassin" themes enliven
Nuke-addled sequel ROBOCOP 2 (10.45pm, Sat, ITV)... this
week's wacky web users include Robert "Citizen Smith" Lindsay
in HAWKINS (10.30pm, Sat, BBC1), the voyeuristic C programmer
who spies on Sharon Stone in SLIVER (10.30pm, Sat, BBC1), kids
who - get this! - appear cleverer than adults in THE FUTURE
JUST HAPPENED (7.25pm, Sun, BBC2) and a "cyber-geek" in
THROUGH THE EYES OF THE YOUNG (8.30pm, Wed, BBC1), featuring
poems and lyrics read by child-voiced Spice fool Mel C...
while KNIGHT RIDER 2000 (5.15pm, Sun, C5) is better than "Team
Knight Rider", but not a patch on "Knight Rider Classic" ...
Neve Campbell and Skeet Ulrich tackle some pre-"Scream"
relationship issues as Fairuza Balk does a hilarious Ruby Wax
impression in obvious "Charmed" inspiration THE CRAFT (9pm,
Sun, C4)... "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest" meets care in
the community in mental ensemble comedy THE DREAM TEAM (9pm,
Sun, C5)... obviously the guidebook's voice is supposed to be
smug, but what was everyone else's excuse in repeated fake-CGI
"Dark Star" ripoff THE HITCH-HIKER'S GUIDE TO THE GALAXY?
(11.20pm, Mon-Thu, BBC2)... and, like we said last time it was
shown 2 years ago, the beginning bit of "based on a true
story" tosh ROSWELL (10.50pm, Mon, C4) - with Kyle MacLachlan
and pals badly made up as old men - means that the rest of the
film then takes place in flashback, rather than (say) being
about a bunch of guys badly made up as old men...
FILM>> "hacking film not technically accurate" reveals THE
REGISTER: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/28/20611.html
- we'd counter-argue that, sure, it's rubbish, but well-made
entertaining rubbish that features some of the year's best
explosions in the course of the genuinely deranged plot of
SWORDFISH (http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Swordfish : to
sum up, I had to take points off for the brevity and limited
number of views [of Halle Berry's breasts]; also for Sopranos
fans Drea De Mateo was in the movie although she only has one
scene wearing a bra lying on a bed for a split second near the
end)... must be the start of the school holidays or something,
with the release of Disney "Rugrats" ripoff RECESS - SCHOOL'S
OUT (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/recess_schoolsout.htm :
many examples of unwarranted - and unearned - adolescent
independence and autonomy)... and Eddie Murphy sequel DR
DOLITTLE 2 (http://www.capalert.com/capreports/drdolittle2.htm :
toilet humor such as a dog licking himself and a rat asking
another rat to lick his posterior; dogs urinating as a tool to
manipulate; I have no idea whether talking animals is a sin.
We are to be good stewards of the animals, which He placed to
serve us and our needs, but never are we to be servants of or
equals with animals. But this is a fantasy movie. Why can't
the animals talk? I can't see any harm in it, but there may
be)... or, for grown-ups, there's an adventurous choice for
a first-date movie, gritty kitchen-sink sex tragedy INTIMACY
(http://www.cndb.com/movie.html?title=Intimacy+(2001%29 : a
legitimate actress [Kerry "Shallow Grave" Fox] giving oral sex
on a legitimate film [...] I haven't seen it, and the idea of
real oral sex in a film kinda turns me off) - plus, it's not
even justified by the fact that the guy's trying to hack into
a Department of Defense computer system at the time...
RED BOOK AUDIO>> you know, we don't normally like applet-happy
band sites, but the Blade Runner references and Kubrick action
figures at http://www.themadcapsulemarkets.com kind of won us
over, along with the fact that they sound like an Atari
Teenage Riot tribute act from Japan. What's more, their latest
"Pulse" video (downloadable, somewhat confusingly, from
http://www.madcapsulemarkets.com/ ) appears to have been
variously influenced by first-person shooters, Aeon Flux and
Kim Wilde's "Kids In America". Two exoskeletal thumbs up!...
equally puzzlingly overlooked for this year's Mercury Prize
were rapper MC FRONTALOT http://www.emeraldrain.com/front/ ,
as recommended by reader SEAN D SOLLE on the strength of his
puerile "Lola for the 21th Century" track "Yellow Lasers"
("met her at the star wars convention / did I mention, she was
looking for love"); the "INPUT 64" C64 retro game music album
http://motion.state51.co.uk/reviews/867.html (various artists)
"forwarded without comment" by CHRISTOPHER FRASER; plus of
course the 386DX-style speech-synth-and-general-MIDI covers at
http://www.dictionaraoke.com/ and the Christian song parodies
of http://www.ultranet.com/~mari/ , both of which have been on
Popbitch (and plastic.com?) but so many people sent them in
this week we thought they deserved another airing... in other
news, ADRIAN MOULDER took us to task for neglecting arguably
the "definitive" use of Defender samples in modern pop music -
the cover of Wham's "Last Christmas" by "Too Many DJs" Belgian
Pop-Will-Eat-Itself soundalikes SOULWAX, and for failing to
highlight the "obvious debt" owed by WEEZER's "Hash Pipe" to
"the start of the theme from The Munsters". PETER HIGGINS
joined the Duran Duran "Ordinary World" debate [NTK 2001-06-
22] by noting that BELLE AND SEBASTIAN's "I Fought In A War"
has a chorus which sounds exactly like it as well - "obviously
a very popular choice for uninspired song-writers"... and
finally, easily eclipsing the SUPER FURRY ANIMALS' attempt to
use a ZX-lookalike font on their latest publicity material
(it's only 8 pixels per character, you Celtic clowns), "Is it
me, or does the high-pitched chirping sound on BACKYARD DOG's
chart single 'Baddest Ruffest' sound like something from
'Escape from the Planet of the Robot Monsters', either a
weapon sound effect or the theme music?", pondered NICK DRAGE,
poignantly adding: "Of course I couldn't tell you what I had
for breakfast this morning, or what I need to do at work
tomorrow, but I can recall a sound snippet from an Atari ST
game I haven't played for ten to fifteen years"...
>> SMALL PRINT <<
Need to Know is a useful and interesting UK digest of things that
happened last week or might happen next week. You can read it
on Friday afternoon or print it out then take it home if you have
nothing better to do. It is compiled by NTK from stuff they get sent.
Registered at the Post Office as
"undermined by its poor presentation online"
Computer Active Web Guide, p66
NEED TO KNOW
THEY STOLE OUR REVOLUTION. NOW WE'RE STEALING IT BACK.
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