Lol, ya know I got many...but one, from a historical figure that I just happened across today, got me literally, RingOFLOL...here goes:

Alright, so I'm watching one'a these 5 CD set World War II documentaries, one in which, I put on more as background noise than anything else (literally, it's like a monotonous unemotional voice that drones on for 5 hours per CD...I know, "-like some of your posts, Laz"). Irregardless, I just so happened to be listening in, on a tiny little part on what Adolf Hitler was doing, during the very beginning stages of his air battle over England... Hitler, during this stage of the war (1940-Pre US or Soviet involvement), was apparently attempting to add pressure on England, in the hopes that he could literally, strangle England into some sorta peace talks.

He decides to look where the fighting vs the Brits appear at this point, to offer him the greatest chance at sealing such a quick conclusion w/ The English, The Mediteranean and helping out his forces led by Rommel in North Africa... Rommel's lookin good, but England was 1 tiny foothold, that offers as an Island naval and land resupply base...

1 problem, 1 itsey-bitsey small lil' island problem: The speck (and it IS a speck)-Island of Gibraltar. It's an issue for ole Hitler, Brits got it fortified, Adolf pretty much has zero navy save for U-boat submarines...He gets rid'a that stup!d lil miniscule tiny thorn, and He's got all'a the Meditteranean, Rommel's got North Africa, and He's got Britain in a vice...

So, he goes: "Heh?- I'll turn ta another Fascist Dictator (there's only like 4 of them on Earth at this time), My good bud, Francisco Franco... I mean, I just GAVE him arms for nothin', when he was tryin to secure Spain during the Spanish Revolution in the 1930's... He'd LOVE ta do this 1 silly lil thing for me, right?" Anyway, Hitler brings Franco to his pad, for a 3 day summit meeting... Hitler's offer? Each & ALL of France's African colonies (recall: this is still a time of nearly complete western colonialization in Africa). Hitler wants? Francisco to destroy the few mile wide island of Gibraltar... So, on and on And on, the meeting goes...say what'cha will RE: Francisco Franco (and there's plenty), but the guy was a freakin' bare neccesity realist. Franco offers no promises, ten thousand "maybe's" and "perhaps's" and "If's" and "Then's" and 17 more contingencies on top of this (and this in just regards to his train-ticket back home). Franco's no dummie: I'm a revolutionary, here; I'm a coservative, here; Ya want me ta be a lion tamer, heh- I can BE a lion-tamer...

Meeting Ends... 72 straight hours of promises and antes, and begging and gifts and praises sung to how great Franco is...And THIS, at a point in History, where Hitler is simply MAULING over Countries, left and right-Czechs, Poles, France, Belgium, Swedes, Yugoslavia, I'm in Norway, I'm helpin out that Mussolini wuss down to the bottom of Greece, I got half'a Africa & England on the ropes...ya wid me General Frankie, or what?" Francisco Franco: "Got any more'a those delicious mini spiced sausage & cheese twirls on a tiny soda biscuit zesty cracker, that'chya were servin earlier...?"

Franco heads back to Spain, and the minute Franco left, one of Hitler's top ministers, inevitably asked Hitler how the meeting went... THIS is what Adolf Hitler simply said:

"I'd rather have 3 or 4 teeth extracted than go through that again."

IF YOU are from a weaker nation militarily than Axis Germany, AND you can make psychopathic nutcase I-might-start-a-war-or-perhaps-just-a-genocide-just for fun, Adolf Hitler, RESPOND in such a way, AND still come outta it clean (heck, even leave that crazy psycho's sanctuary, with your life in tact)...man.

"Sex is like bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand" -Woody Allen

If a man says soemthing in the woods and there is no woman around the hear him... is he still wrong?

There are two theories on how to argue with a woman. Neither works.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather - peacefully, in my sleep, not screaming, like all the passengers in his car.A doctor says to a patient: "We have good news and bad news - the good news is you're not a hypochondriac..."

When people see a litter box, they ask if I have a cat - just once, I want to tell them, "No, it's for when I have company."

When I man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.99 a minute.

A popular one from growing up around Cape Cod: If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They must be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Man, Thank you, you guys...I had a really, REALLY, sh#tty day... I needed this laugh. Serious special considerations to Philski here on this one thus far, thanx a ton man (esp. "Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal."). And zdeno or anyone, Ever see that Dave Chappelle skit he did when it was something like, Chappelle was the neighborhood milkman and it was in black & white... Ya reminded me of it, that the family is sittin around the breakfast table all-Ward & June Cleaver-like, and Chappelle pops in with a huge smile posing as the milkman, and the family's last name is either, "Craker" or "N#gger" and Chappelle is just ROLLING..."How's my favorite group'a n#ggas doin' this mornin?" "You guys all one crazy buncha n#ggas...", and when he's leaving he just HI-lariously pops his head back in ta the screen 1 last time and laughing goes, "nigg#s," straight to the leave-it-to-beaver family...uggh ROFLOL, Dave Chappelle is just insane.

Seriously ALL... If I'M one of Franco's family members, heck-IF I'm just from WWII Spain, itself- and I had MY say, I'd write something like this on his tombstone: <Francisco Franco> "-Was SUCH a stick-up-his-rear, monotonously boring, uncompromising, and so UTTERLY unyielding, In his completely straightforward Indecisive Desions and Allegiances to Noone And EVERYone, That EVEN The Second AntiChrist of the Apocalypse, simply spared the country he happened to be in charge of, rather than be forced to just have 1 one more utterance with him, EVER again."

Joseph Goebbels: "-Dolphi, c'mon now, Don'tcha think you're overreacting just a tad?"Hitler: "Joey, BELIEVE me when I say this: IF there's a single ice sheet left in Antartica, I'll be working to invade THAT, before the very first stormtrooper's big toe, touches foot on the Pyrennes. LOOK, I'd rather live with Stalin in Siberia in a snow cave in Siberia for the resta my life, starting on the day Stalin's mother died, than look at Franco's pic on an f'n postcard, Ya GOT me?!"Goebbels: "What if I told you, that We could invade it tommorow, conquer it by noon, have their surrender before dinner, and I'll even execute Franco by nightfall...?"Hitler: "Oh god, oohh godd=The peace talks withIN the "surrender." Even if you GAGGED him, I KNOW he'd just do something with his eyes, some kinda mechanized robot-psycho twitch, that would just haunt me forever...Ogg<shuttering>hhh that human; He's not EVEN human, Franco's like, IF you drew an angry face on a square cardboard box, and did something to the face that made it EXTRA mad, but'cha didn't know exactly what you did...and this just PALES in comparison- Am I breaking out in hives? Is this psoriasis, I never had PSORIASIS?!?"

"Sex is like bridge - if you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand" -Woody Allen If a man says soemthing in the woods and there is no woman around the hear him... is he still wrong? There are two theories on how to argue with a woman. Neither works. When I die, I want to die like my grandfather - peacefully, in my sleep, not screaming, like all the passengers in his car. A doctor says to a patient: "We have good news and bad news - the good news is you're not a hypochondriac..." When people see a litter box, they ask if I have a cat - just once, I want to tell them, "No, it's for when I have company." When I man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $4.99 a minute. A popular one from growing up around Cape Cod: If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They must be changed regularly, and for the same reason. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells are forever. Jesus may love you, but everyone else thinks you're an a**h*le A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist The enemy isn't conservatism. The enemy isn't liberalism. The enemy is b*llsh*t. - Lars-Erik NelsonPosted by Artist-Frmrly-Knwn-As-NickC1188

In Response to Re: Your Favorite Quotes and/or 1-liners (NON-Football Thread) : This is the equivalent of WhoDung printing off a Mike Tannboob Jets draft synopsis from his printer. "We'll have a SB in our time!" Totally naive:Posted by BBReigns

He f*#king killed him. Hey, I got neighbors. He f&#king killed him.Who killed who?A cop. A lady and a guy.A cop, a lady and a guy?That's a massacre. You saw it?No, it was just a guy.What happened to the lady?No. No.A woman. A policewoman and a guy,another guy, shot another guy......an Asian guy, in the window,at f%^king Ted's house.Whoa, was the other guy Ted?I don't know.He was a big, gray-haired man... ...and he had a robeand he shot him. And his brain flew every...I'm gonna be... I'm gonna throw up.What?

"You IDIOT! You made me , remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals, that wasn't easy to get over and don't think that I didn't try" - The Joker (Jack Nicholson) - Batman

"Game over man" - Hudson (Bill Paxton) - Aliens

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides, by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord...as I lay my vengeance upon thee" - Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) - Pulp Fiction

In Response to Re: Your Favorite Quotes and/or 1-liners (NON-Football Thread) : Did you know Whodung is also "Stommmper"? Similar lines of stupidity.Posted by BBReigns

Seriously? Rusty, YOU sure? Idk...stommper's wild and out there...but I luv the guy (course I WANT to believe EVERYone...Laz=Gullible).

Hey man, wanna know who I finally realized PhatRex was...? Remember, I finally told him that I was gonna out him for the weasel he was, if he didn't stop being PERSONALLY and out-of-line-Rude, towards people (apparently, attempting to maintain even keep a semblance of OVERLY non-personal attacks in at least every OTHER posting remark=Too much to consider). I realized it when he kept calling me "druggie", lol. There was ONLY 1 other Jets Fan, long gone (and then back..under a different guise, THEN gone, THEN back)-

...who was around during the time when there was a post RE: oxycotin use, And I subsequently confided here, that this drug WAS something I had struggled with for much time, and finally kicked long prior...a time well before massive FDA warnings on oxys surfaced (growing up, you KNEW not ta stick a needle in your arm, you KNEW, yah- Crack Cocaine=Maybe I'll just stick clear'a that substance...but swallowing 1/4 of the smallest pill some friend gives ya one time?!? Please...no big deal=Instantly hooked), And IN a time prior to be diagnosed w/ depression- People seem ta forget that even 15 years ago, NOone I knew went to a shrink...please.

So I confided ALL this, and spoke of the dangers, The dangers even IF one was self-medicating through pain and/or depression... And lmao, that specific Jets Fan just kept lambasting me with what a vile creature I was & am...So I did what I do, I f'n TORE into HIM so bad that he backtracked, said that He apologized, & knew what was NO joke, and had several friends/people he knew, attempting or that who had overcome such a bad drug... I'm of course, stup!d, And the exact second someone ever holds up a white flag or portrays even the tiniest amount of humility back to me, I yield each and EVERY time (a big weakness that I never seem to learn when it comes to dealing with TRUE pr!cks). 2 days later, yup=Guy went right back at the personal attacks...

Needless to say, here's the weasel we haven't heard back from in a few weeks (the EXACT day after I said I'd out him unrelentingly for the person he is, IF he didn't stop it to other longtime posters here):

"It's all...part of the plan" - The Joker (Heath Ledger) - The Dark Knight "You IDIOT! You made me , remember? You dropped me into that vat of chemicals, that wasn't easy to get over and don't think that I didn't try" - The Joker (Jack Nicholson) - Batman "Game over man" - Hudson (Bill Paxton) - Aliens "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides, by the inequities of the selfish, and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherd the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brothers keeper, and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord...as I lay my vengeance upon thee" - Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) - Pulp Fiction "Groovy" - Ash (Bill Campbell) - Army Of Darkness "I ain't got time to bleed" - Blain Cooper (Jesse Ventura) - Predator "Such heroic nonsense" - Megatron (Frank Welker) - Transformers: The MoviePosted by Rodimus77

Rodimus, I just saw The Dark Night for the 1st time a couple months back... Heath Ledger...FAN-tastic as The Joker. To the point where, you'd rewind parts and see his hilarious & ridiculous body moves & facial expressions in certain parts. Thought after Ledger played like a blonde, male-model-that-gets-the-princess, and does everything greeeat and spectaacular, midevil jousting knight in whatever that 1st famous film of his, I'm like-"Alright, no talent, 1 trick pretty boy...ooooh, Hollywood needs more of THESE guys!" But dang, yuhp...Actual Acting Talent & Range? Standard Rule=Then ya gotta die early...