Truth About THAT Dress…

You’ve probably heard something or other about a dress recently? Right? Yes, I thought so…well I know the debate has been largely confined to which colours you see; is it blue, and black – or is it white, and gold?

But what the government, and the media have really accomplished with all of this…is to cover over the COLD HARD TRUTH. Which is a lot uglier than you could have ever imagined…it certainly pushes far past any bullshit explanations about lighting…or strength of eye sight….

You see I have just received a brutal, and entirely fictitious email from a very concerned, and made up person unveiling a new side of the coin which has shattered the blue pill illusion I was living in. I feel like Morpheus has just stopped me in the street, pulled off my blueish, blackish, whiteish, and goldish dress against my will – and revealed my flabby naked body to the world…and all of a sudden every podgy fat flap is now clear, every roll under scrutiny…

You see the theory from this esteemed source, which I will say has insider info in order to give it a lot more credibility – is actually this…that those who see the dress as white and gold, are in fact…ROBOTS. No one really knows when these bots came here, or what they want from us normal blue/black seeing humans…but all we can assume is that they are bad people – perhaps they are the same kind of people who are pushing people to drink soya milk, the same kind of people who are encouraging you to eat less cheese – actually one could even imagine that these robots are in the same league as those who say that running till you almost die of sweating is somehow healthy…

It all makes sense to me now though – but all that I wonder is this…do these white, and gold robots mean to wipe us out completely…or slowly, but surely mean to engulf us within their ways, until we become one of them? Only time will tell…yes…only time will tell…

I only ask for mercy, and if totally necessary…death by chocolate cake like in Matilda, it’s not like the robots would want anything to do with it…

Ve haf come to eat up all your chocolate and cause vurld vide confusion in your eyes. Ve also vant that dress, even if you humans see it the vrong colors, because ve haf make ze colors in our perfect images. Humans must bow to our superior powers of vision und see thes dress een all eet’s glory as vite und gold chiffon, perfect for Planet Robo vemen only.

I heard someone say if you look at it one way it’s gold and white and if you look at it from a different angle it’s blue and black. I have tried upside down, sideways and from across the room and the dress is still gold and white. This is distressing since I don’t drink soy milk and I don’t like to sweat. My day has begun with the revelation that I’m a bad robot.