Life as a celebrity
is hard. People always following you, wanting to know what you
are up to, paparazzi's cameras are crammed down my throat, and
people always meddling in my life. Sometimes I wish I was an
average Joe.

I hear people
talking about me. I see it everywhere. Always saying "I saw her
on the news." Or "She is on the cover of this magazine." I want
to go over and tell them that most of the crap that is written
about celebrities are fake. But if I did go over there and tell
them I would blow my cover. I can't even be myself when I go
out.

"Is Penelope Hanson
relapsing? Will she have to go back to rehab? Find out on E! News
at 10." At that point I shut of the television. I can feel my hot
tears flow from my eyes. I scream at the top of my lungs and
throw the remote control at the wall. I watch it as it shattered
into a million pieces. My life is like that remote control, my
life is broken and needs to be fixed. I go on hotwire and book
myself a trip to Maui. I need to get out of L.A. I need to make
my escape. I need a break from my overly stressed
life.

I wish people would
not meddle with my heart or mind. They don't know what is inside.
They don't know what they will find. They don't know what I hide.
Hollywood just chewed me up but it won't spit me out. I am stuck
in this vortex. You have to have thick skin to make it in this
business. You can feel the judgment wherever you go. People are
always talking about you. Your life will become a circus. Your
life spins out of control. If you cannot keep your head above
water you may just drown. Your career will go down the toilet
with your dignity. If you slip up it can end your
career.

Life as a celebrity
is not easy. People are always judging you. People smother you
with cameras. People will suffocate you with their lies. At the
point of no return that is when it hits a celebrity they turn to
substance as a way to get away. I did that. I became a headline
story all over America. "Penelope Hanson found dead in the Maui
Hilton hotel. Sources say she overdosed on an over the counter
pain killer." Hollywood made me end my life. Hollywood made a lot
of celebrities lose their sensibility of sanity and they end up
like me, dead.