Time Out!

Welcome to the February Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting Essentials

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have shared the parenting essentials that they could not live without. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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This month’s parenting carnival has a huge theme. We’ve been asked about Parenting Essentials and have to fill in the blank: I cannot imagine parenting without __________.

What a great question! I’d say there are a lot of parenting essentials and I expect most participants will be finding it a challenge to come up with just one answer. However, I’ve finally decided upon mine:

It might come across as a bit selfish.

It might be something I really shouldn’t admit in public.

It might be something that resonates deeply within you, but you don’t like to share.

Or it might be something you just don’t ‘get’.

The one thing I could not parent without is:

Time Out.

MY time out, not Little Miss Green’s…

When she was a baby Little Miss Green had a sleep in the afternoons. This lasted until she was just nine months old and then she no longer needed one, much to my dismay.

I was lost!
And tired!
And fraught!
And irritable!
And angry! (I hate to admit)
And no longer the sweet loving mama I had been…

I thought I could be superwoman and be on call 24/7 but I just couldn’t do it.

So when Little miss Green was 18 months old, I bought back ‘quiet time’.

It meant she went to her room and I went to mine for an hour after lunch each day. It wasn’t a punishment, it simply ‘was’.

Within a few days I started to feel human again and she was happier because I was more emotionally available.

I figured that ‘Quiet Time’ is a total necessity for an introvert – and that’s what I am, like it or not.
It doesn’t mean I can’t be with people or I’m not sociable.
It doesn’t even mean I prefer to be on my own.
And it doesn’t mean I don’t like being with my child and husband.
But what I do need is time out to recharge my batteries, unlike an extrovert who recharges by being WITH people.

Now Little Miss green is nine years old, we still have ‘quiet time’. She might read, climb a tree or play with the rabbit while I go to my room to sleep, meditate, read or listen to music.

And afterwards, we’re better than we were before – ready to laugh and love again…

So back to being perceived as selfish – I think taking care of ourselves, even putting ourselves first, so we can be our best for our loved ones is anything but selfish. Plus it is modelling to our children how to practise good self care as they grow up.
What do you think – is self care selfish or not?

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

Not Without Him — The love Starr at Taking Time shares with her husband is the foundation of her parenting.

I Cannot Imagine Parenting Without B(.)(.)bs — From an uneducated dreamer to a breastfeeding mother of a toddler, nursing has forever changed Kristy at Strings to Things’s relationship with her daughter and her outlook on life.

I don’t think self-care is selfish at all – I recently talked about taking time for ourselves on my own site. I agree that self-care models important principles for our little ones – I wouldn’t want my child to always put others’ needs before his own, so I don’t have to either. Of course the ways I’ve taken time for myself have changed as Kieran has gotten older, but that’s because in my heart, his needs still come first 🙂

It’s a great post! I found out that most of the time, as a mother, it’s really hard for me to take care of myself and create a quiet time for myself, although I know it’s important for me and for my family. I think it’s great that you insist to have your quality time and of course it’s not selfish.

I like this and I know what you mean. As much as I love spending 24/7 with my baby I try to use the time she’s asleep or she spends with my husband to just do one of my favourite things: read a book or surf the web. Some days I get lots of time to do this and some days not so much. Mind you, she’s only 5 1/2 months so as soon as she’s mobile things will change. 😉

No, definitely not selfish. It’s either this or monster momma. My kids practically push me out the door sometimes when dad comes home so that I have some me time. I guess they don’t like monster momma. I don’t either.

I’m not sure where we all got the idea we need to do it all and be it all with a smile plastered on our face 24/7 but it’s an awful standard to try to live up to! It’s awesome that you have made time for yourself and are really owning it! And the post-lunch timeout idea is great and may find a home with us too (our 14-month old daughter is in the process of dropping her morning nap – argh!).

Good for you!!! I totally don’t think it’s selfish to take the time to take care of yourself. Plus, like you said, you are modelling for your daughter the importance of self-care. Our society is so go-go-go, that so many people are without self care and end up on the therapy couch or burnout! Recharge time is so very essential, and we all have our own unique ways this works for us. Totally love this post!

I like how you explained that introverts and extroverts recharge differently. I don’t often feel like I need time away from my children, but I often feel like I need a break from the WORK they create for me. I hire a housekeeper when I’m starting to feel overwhelmed or I bring in my teenage niece to fold laundry and wash windows and mirrors. Then I dedicate myself to spending uninterrupted time with the children on their terms. We all end up feeling refreshed and reconnected.

My mom instituted quiet time for me when I was very young. It was about an hour before bedtime – I would go into my room and play quietly, which for me usually meant reading a book. My mom would do the same in her room, which adjoined mine. She was available if I had a question about what I was reading, but other than that, it was our alone time together.

I attribute our quiet time to my early reading and my lifelong love of books.

So quiet time, selfish? Just the opposite. You are nurturing your daughter and yourself.

I don’t think there’s anything selfish about needing time for yourself. There’s this picture of the “ideal mom” who never needs time to herself and entirely devotes herself to her children 100% of the time, but I think that’s more of a rare thing than the norm.

I need time to myself in order to be a good mom too. I definitely feel the need to “recharge” and just be alone. I relish in the baths that I get to take without a toddler.

I totally agree with you. As a fellow introvert, I simply can’t be “on” all the time, even around loved ones. I think the idea of instituting a daily time of rest is a marvelous idea, and I’ve heard of families with even multiple kids pulling it off. I have to think now of how I might implement this idea with mine. 🙂 Thanks for the spark!

that’s not even close to being selfish! It’s the most brilliant thing you could have done for yourself and for your daughter. You’ve taught her that she has a right to take care of herself too and didn’t just model the martyr mother syndrome. You’re still a person and a woman as well as her mother.
I also love the idea of sharing quiet time. It will give your daughter an ability to feel comfortable in relationships later in life where closeness doesn’t have to mean constant interaction.
We have this most days happening organically, but I like the idea of making it more conscious so that my daughter gets the benefit of all that.

We have “resting time” every day at our house. My kids are 5, 3, and 4 months. I’ve wondered how long we will continue it. At this point, I don’t intend to discontinue it, and after reading your post, I’m even more confident in my decision.

Oh no, not selfish at all, I think you are doing exactly what you need to for your kiddo. Ella is down to one nap a day and I certainly NEED that time. Though she could sleep on-the-go I make sure we are home for naps so that I too get my quiet time (happening right now!!) Even my mom gave me that little nugget of advise – even when your kiddo stops sleeping, an afternoon quiet time is good for all. I plan on continuing our break time into Ella’s childhood as well 🙂

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