Look out Cartagena, here come The Real Housewives of New York City! The RHONY ladies are packing and excited to go on their trip, except for Ramona who fell down a flight of stairs and twisted her ankle. No word if it was alcohol related, but either way it’s not a good way to leave the country. Another person who shouldn’t be leaving the country right now is Bethenny. She’s in the middle of a move and a shit-storm with her ex.

RHONY arrives safely in Colombia and Ramona is pushed to one of two waiting cars in a wheel chair. In a separate car, Bethenny shares that Red Scarf guy keeps texting, wanting to go out, but she’s not interested. She reads a text from him saying that after the speed dating event, Ramona abandoned her Uber to hang out with him, but he has zero interest in Ramona. Bethenny told Red since he had drinks with Ramona, no way.

Ramona is in the other car and they are discussing Cartagena exports. Tinsley says they are coffee, cocaine, and beer, but in a real bubbly voice. They arrive at the gorgeous house which comes with a manager, butlers and a pool. The good thing about Ramona’s injured ankle, she can’t run around, picking out her room. Tinsley explains they will each choose a Tiffany box and open one per room and this way it will be totally random.

Tinsley goes first and opens her box in the purple room on the first floor. The box has a silver necklace with a T. So much for random, Tinsley just picked her own room. They take the glass elevator to the second floor and Dorinda opens her box next. The necklace has an S. Sonja gets the room. On and on they go and everyone gets a room without drawing blood.

Ramona goes to the kitchen and informs the chef the reason she looks ageless is because she sold her soul doesn’t eat butter. He nods like he gives a damn. Then she instructs the butler to unpack for her and put everything on hangers, but he leaves and Ramona must do it herself. Funny the one time she really needs help, Ramona doesn’t get it. Karma is that you?

Lunch is served and Bethenny unknowingly eats fish which she’s allergic to. She gets a Benadryl stat, but not before heaving in the upstairs bathroom. Bethenny is able to rally and go out on the town tonight with the girls, however, it would have been better if she stayed in.

Tinsley’s glam team is also in Cartagena, courtesy of Scott, because he knows how to buy her love. The wheelchair Ramona ordered has arrived so she figures why not wear high heels. No one else thinks this is a good idea. They send Ramona back upstairs to get flats and bring back Luann and Sonja. But Ramona gets stuck in the elevator, and even though she’s screaming and banging on the window, no one comes to her aid. And what the hell is Carole wearing? I don’t care that Beyoncé wore it, my eyes are bleeding. “Muraclusly” the elevator opened and Ramona is free. Luann appears with a long, dark blond wig and says she’s channeling Sophia Vergara.

The women walk to the restaurant and Carole is in charge of pushing Ramona in her wheelchair. Luann shares with Bethenny that she was officially charged with one felony for battery, so she’s not out of the woods, yet. The women toast Cartagena and discuss the speed dating event which leads to a fight between Carole and Bethenny. Guess who went out on a date with Red Scarf dude? Carole! And she’s being all smug about it, according to Bethenny. Ramona says she was only interested in Red Scarf guy for his conversation, which no one believes.

Bethenny explains she and Red Scarf Brian are not friends. Carole says Brian said they were friends. Bethenny is insulted that Carole would believe this nobody over her. And why is being friends a bad thing? Bethenny calls Brian the Tom 2.0 which insults everyone.

Bethenny has zero interest in Red Scarf Brian, so she tells Carole to go ahead and date this disaster, but Carole says it’s Brian who doesn’t want to date Bethenny. Girl, please. Don’t make me defend Bethenny, but he was all over her at speed dating.

But of course, this is not about him. It’s about a power struggle between Carole and Bethenny. After dinner, Bethenny, all snarky like, announces this was two hours of her life she’ll never get back. Go home and take a Xanax, Bethenny!

Since she’s not feeling well, Bethenny decides to go home. Yay! So along with Luann and Sonja, they head back to the house. The rest of the ladies are going out to party. As Dorinda pushes Ramona in her wheelchair, she tells Tinsley that Bethenny hates the house. Bethenny wants one of those glitzy houses the drug cartels have. Not this crappy place. Tinsley’s feelings are hurt.

Meanwhile, as the trio walk home, Bethenny screams how painful dinner was. Luann, the non-drinker for now, doesn’t want to go home yet. She wants to go out with the other girls. Suddenly Bethenny is feeling better and dancing in the streets. They find the other ladies at a bar and join them. Tinsley tells them she’s happy that Bethenny is giving it a shot after taking a shot at the house. Bethenny is now mad at Dorinda but Dorinda isn’t copping to it and tells Carole and Bethenny to sort their shit out.

Bethenny cries at the table because she’s under stress and on a Benadryl. Carole can’t hang with the cry-baby and announces she’s going home. Ramona, Tinsley, Dorinda and Luann leave with her. It’s just Bethenny and Sonja and they spend their time drinking and trashing Carole.

A new day is dawning. Ramona’s ankle is better and Bethenny has apologized to Tinsley for hating on the house. Plus she’s having custody issues and Carole issues. But who cares because it’s Tinsley and Scott’s one-year anniversary. Instead of being with him on this special day, she’s here with the girls. But Scott has sent a funeral spray of red roses shaped like a heart with TM + SK in white roses. Carole gives Tinsley a box she traveled with from Scott. It’s a gold Cartier bracelet. A very jealous Bethenny walks off.

Bethenny is still mad at Dorinda and tells her there’s a lot going on with her, so quit telling people her drama. And by the way, even though Dorinda drinks too much, Bethenny was kind enough to say it to her face. Dorinda agrees to zip it.

Again with Bethenny and the tears. She breaks down in the kitchen with Dorinda and says she can’t go shopping with the others.

Tune into RHONY next week as Bethenny’s breakdown continues and Carole displays zero compassion. Hopefully Tinsley has another Tiffany box for who should go home.

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