I rock and now I'm trying to share some of my rockage with you. I'm generous that way!

Friday, April 14, 2006

Professor Crazy

To mold the minds of the youth takes a special kind of person and since I was a little boy everyone always told me that I was special. So it is it my duty to help influence the habits and minds of today's young leaders. Walking into the auditorium and seeing the little darlings squirming in the chairs knowing that today is the day they get "THE TALK". Everyone remembers that time in their lives when the were giving "THE TALK" usually by their parents, however, in times like these schools realize that the family unit is broken apart and kids today need a new mentor, a new hero to guide them into the next generation. With great pleasure I am pleased to say that person is me, taking full responsibility for the next generation I give my speech on the dreaded dirty word "puberty." The speech was over an hour long so I will just hit on a few highlights.

Cleanliness

Cleanliness no longer means taking a shower once a month and I hate to be the man to tell you this but those days are over. For your becoming men and as a man it is your duty to repopulate the planet and get laid as many times as possible. Girls will not give you that opportunity unless you take a shower at least once a week. I hate to say this but change your underwear weekly as well. Brushing your teeth is not necessary after all porn stars don't. If you don't brush you will have to use mouthwash daily or you can substitute mouth wash with hard liquor.

Appropriateness with Girls

This was a tough subject to approach I mean how is one appropriate with females so instead of telling them how to be nicer I gave them a few pointers on what I do to keep relations with the ladies.

Nothing says I love you like pulling on the back of a bra and letting go. The time honored tradition of bra snapping as to be passed on to each generation.

It is never ok to hit a girl with a closed fist so the pimp slap and backhanded pimp slap was taught until I was sure they mastered the art.

Under no conditions are you to buy tampons unless they are used as a practical joke.

Any female hygiene problems are no concern of yours, but if you know a chick has some, be sure to tease her relentlessly.

Overall "THE TALK" went ok I am sorry I can't go over it more with you but for reasons of national security I am unable to comment more on this subject.