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Thursday, June 3, 2010

Tomorrow is the fifth week since the second brain surgery. I'm growing exponentially. In fact, I can't believe how much I've grown. When I was in the ICU for the week during and after the surgeries, and I was starting to re-learn things I was trying to brush my teeth with the wrong end of the brush. I couldn't grip silverware, or if I could grip it, guaranteed it was the with the wrong end. I tried to read a sentence for the speech therapist and out of eleven sentences the only thing I could recognize was the word "orange." It was absolutely bizarre. I could recognize that the page was full of words, but I didn't understand what they meant. That was a shattering moment. I would lay in my bed in the hospital trying to read the posters on the wall. I would practice over and over trying to figure out what written, "University of Washington Hospital." I would try to sound out the letters, one by one.

I had been feeling depressed before I went out for our walk today and that's when Danny reminded me that I'm still pretty fresh out of the hospital. He reminded me that with my personality having to slow down, take naps, avoid work, limit stimulus, basically I feel like I'm being punished. I thrive off of multiple stimuli. I love a good challenge, and yet I can't hit this head-on in the same fashion that I normally would. I would probably just tackle my recovery like a job and bulldoze through it. Unfortunately, that is the absolute opposite technique that I'm supposed to use. I'm already feeling guilty about not being back at work, and that alone stresses me out! It's almost like my personality is attacking my body and hurting my progress. Just like it was explained to me by Dr Silbergeld, I have tumor cells in my brain that are attacking my brain. The tumor cells are created by my own DNA. So my own body is fighting me.

2 comments:

Again - I don't know anyone who could handle all of this with the strength, grace, and humor that you share with us. You certainly have every right to feel depressed against all of the challenges, changes, and dumbells that you get to deal with (back to an earlier blog on that one). Remember having "wars" between your heart and your head? - Maybe those were prep for this DNA fight (OK - that's a reach; I'll keep working on that one). Keep thinking "boxing gloves, boxing gloves." You're a great fighter when you have a cause. XOXOXOXO Love, Aunty Lynn

Thought of The Day

The Fundraiser

I am so grateful for the GoFundMe account that our friends set up. They started it last fall, because I stopped my treatments because of lack of funds, and now, possibly because of my lapse, I have a brain surgery scheduled for March 3rd, Dan's birthday. We are hopeful that our neurosurgeon will be able to remove the majority of the three brain tumors. But having it be out of state, it's complicated financially, and we are very thankful for your donations, and your prayers!

Disclaimer

This blog is intended to be informational, and hopefully at times, educational. It represents solely my personal opinion. This blog and my opinion are not meant to be construed as professional medical advice for any specific person or patient or condition. Qualified and licensed healthcare professionals should be consulted before considering or using any therapeutic product or drugs discussed in this blog. Definitely work with doctors and specialists to find your own cocktail approach. Please don't take my word for anything, do your own research.

Thank You Note

I read every single comment I receive on the blog and I'm incredibly grateful to receive them! I don't always have the opportunity to respond to all of my comments and emails, but I appreciate the support very much. Thank you for checking out my blog. It's incredibly therapeutic for me, and I hope you find my story helpful.