i can't seem to tune out my toddlers wines Oh see, that's what you're doing wrong. You're supposed to drink the wine in order to tune out your toddler.

vomit costumehate vomit can i be a momi don't want to throw updon't want kids they vomitdon't want to vomiti can't even think about vomit without wanting to throw up These searches should be banned from my blog! Seriously.

i don't know how to be a single momWelcome to the club. Neither do I.

i don't want my kid mopping at school what should i say to her teacherI agree! Tell her teacher that mopping is the janitor's job!

dawn name old ladyHey now!

when mom asked the question "where is the dog?" we all became worried.I'm worried! And disturbed that this brought you to my blog.

playland pee pantsSeriously? Why does this one always show up on my blog???

polish butt(((polish))) butt"butt polish"polish for buttbutt in polishthe word buttock in polishpoland buttpolish word for buttpolish butts"butt" polishbutt dupadupa buttheadbutt polandhow do y say butt in polishbutt polishpolish butbutt pollishhow do you say butt in polishwhat's butt in polisha polish buttBet you didn't know there were so many ways to ask this question, did you?

can i use butpaste in my face for makeupIt depends. Are you a clown?

few more days to go of my birthday, my age getting olderReally? That's so odd. I thought one's age got younger with each passing birthday.

how do australians feel about vegemiteI can tell you how this American feels about Vegemite. Refer back to the searches on vomit.

how do you say la'taniana'bo'vanashrianiqualiquaniceMs. Smith

how to handle it when people think i am my daughters grandmaIf it's a woman, ask her if she's her child's father. If it's a man, ask him if he's his child's mother. Or kick them.

how to make your mom say yes to driving you to a friends at 1030 at nightHa ha ha ha ha! You're funny!

how to tell a friend you are sorry their mom is sickDo you have a pen and paper? Okay, take notes because this is complicated. You say, "I'm sorry your mom is sick." Got all that? Want me to repeat it?

how to write a funny blog post in 42 minutesTake a bunch of stupid google search phrases and make fun of them.

dishes for birdsI could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure birds don't use dishes.

i drink wine every nigjt, i am divcored singe momYou were drinking when you wrote this, weren't you?

i have 3 boys how can i try to have girl nextWell, it starts with a man and woman who love each other...

i have children when do i get my life backWhen you figure it out, let me know.

i just realized i google the weirdest thingsYou and 80,000 other people...

i love lingerie -- oh my god. i even have a subscription to the victoria's secret catalog. well, i don't have a subscription, my neighbor does. she just hasn't received it for a couple of years.Ha! This was actually funny!

i say cause you say cause oneUmmm?

i told you kids to stay out of my butt!You might want to see a doctor for that.

i walked up behind my friend and slapped her on the butt. then right after i hit her, i realized it wasn't my friend! it was a strange girl i'd never seen before, but then i had to see her every day!. it was so embarrassingWell it's a good thing you didn't type it in Google so a million people could read about it.

i was late for work because i didn't know i needed gas in my car?Just my two cents, but I think your boss is more likely to believe this if you end it with a period, or even an exclamation point.

is it crazy to want six kidsYes, yes it is.

it's my best friend birthday and i dont know what to write on her facebook wall anyhelp.You're the same person who asked how to tell your friend that you're sorry her mom is sick, aren't you?

locked up in a liquor store with youDefinition of awesome

looking great after 6 kidsAwww, thank you!

my stomach is sore and i keep pooing and peeing myself what should i doSee a doctor.

my teen daughter pee his pants and gryingI'm more concerned about this person's English, than I am about the hermaphrodite pee-er.

21 comments:

I don't know if it's the fact that it's after 1 in the morning, that I've been grumpy because my baking powder is not working right, or that I'm just easily amused... but this was hilarious. Thank you for brightening my night and making me cackle!

I think that is the FUNNIEST round of google searches ever. I've not laughed that hard in a long time. I wonder about people sometimes :)and Dawn, your comments totally make the whole thing worth reading.

(1) Still don't believe anyone else out there thinks there are killer moths. It was probably a typo. The words shark and moth are easily confused by some.

(2) Justin Bieber? Really? Does that abomination really need any more press??! He's definitely Hillary Duff masquerading as a boy trying to make a comeback. Look at the cheek bones. That hair. The voice. It's her I tell ya!

(3) Lacrimal apparatus. Not going to say anything more but hand you the soap young lady...

I laughed over the "joe lies". Have you ever seen "Say Anything"? Lili Taylor plays a stalker ex-girlfriend, Corey, and sings 63 songs about Joe. You can buy tshirts online that say "Joe lies" from the movie.:)Girl, I think of you everyday. As a mom of 6, I understand you. Your fans hear you. Please remember that you are NEVER alone. Keep the faith.