My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 weeks, we get on great, we make each other laugh and everything. I think I’m slowly beginning the process of falling for him, it’s long distance because he’s a few hours away but it doesn’t bother us. Anyway yesterday he phones me up and tells me he feels like maybe we need to break up because he’s lost the “spark” and he now feels like we’re just really close friends.

Then today he said maybe we should go on a break until I next see him so that he knows for sure how he feels, then he went quiet for a while and said he doesn’t want to break up but he feels like maybe we should. We saw each other last week for a day, I went to see his performance at college then we got a hotel and watched some TV when spooning. Everything seemed fine then and he seemed genuinely upset when I had to go but now he says he didn’t feel the spark then… I’m terrified of losing him and I really want to try and convince him that we don’t need the spark to work. On my knees begging for help here. Alex

Oh man, that sucks. I’ve been in similarly shitty situations, so I don’t want to be that person who gives you false hope. I truly believe, especially at the start of a love affair, you NEED a spark. This isn’t the time to feel a bit lukewarm or ambivalent or meh about the person you’re with, and it sounds like that’s kind of where he’s at. The worst thing you can do right now is ignore what he’s telling you or try to convince him not to give up, even though your strongest instinct is probably to do just that and beg and plead and hope. Don’t you loathe how love makes us behave sometimes?!

I suspect you’ll follow this to its inevitable conclusion but I think you’d be better off taking back your power and telling him you’re bowing out. That you value yourself more than just hanging around hoping his feelings will change. He shouldn’t get to keep you in limbo while he figures it out and serves you up a heap of crappy mixed messages. Go cry your eyes out and gather your gal pals round you and let yourself sit with the awfulness of it all. But know this: one day the relief will be palpable because you’ll realise there’s nothing worse than being hung up on someone who isn’t hung up on you. You’re better off freeing yourself from that.

Love, reality chick

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