ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS STORY EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE AND EVENTS ARE FICTIONAL ALL CELEBRITY VOICES ARE IMPERSONATED POORLY THIS STORY CONTAINS OFFENSIVE CONTENT AND THUS SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE.

{South Park Intro}

*Intro starts on South Park as a battlefield with fire explosions and firefights breaking out!!*

Les Claypool: "GOING DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA HAVE MYSELF A TIME."

*Conner and the boys are in the uniform riding a military green school bus driven by Benjamin*

Conner: *takes cover on the school bus as bullets tear through it* "HOSTILE FORCES EVERYWHERE FIRE COMING FROM ALL DIRECTIONS!!!!"

Les: "GOING DOWN DOWN TO SOUTH PARK GONNA LEAVE MY WOES BEHIND!!"

*The bus hits a mine and flips over killing Benjamin and several kids Conner drags a badly wounded Kenny to safety followed by the other boys.*

Kenny: *Dying* "(Tell Stan's Mom I did my best I like her titties better than the rest) *dies*

Les: "SO COME ON DOWN TO SOUTH PARK AND MEET SOME FRIENDS OF MINE!"

*A Drone targets Les Claypool and blows him to kingdom come with a missile.*

{End intro}

Scene one.

{Conner is in a deep pit in a rain storm waist deep in filthy water his body is covered with several cuts and bruises in addition to his already scarred chest, back shoulders stomach arms and face. He Narrates the story to us}

Conner VO: "Bring the kids home wipe the slate clean that was the deal I was offered My Name is Kurtz Conner 10222008 I'm a Sergeant in the United States Young Marine Corps.

*Close up on the Tattoo on Conner's right arm depicting an diving eagle holding a $1 and 5 cents in it's talons Freedom Costs a Buck O Five.*

One Year ago I lost my entire family in Peruvian Pandemic.

*Flashsback to several silhouette stills of the Pandemic Depicting Conner's Family's last stand.*

"They knew it was a losing battle from the start."

*Shows Dwight and and Benjamin's Silhouettes making a last stand against two guinea pigs*

*Gunfire*

Dwight: "JUST GO GET OUT OF HERE WE'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU!!!

*The Guinea pig begin climbing over the overturned Jeep*

Conner: "Dad Benjamin!"

Benjamin: "CONNER I PROMISE WE'LL CATCH UP!"

*Guinea pig roar!*

Conner:" BENJAMIN!"

Benjamin: "CONNER JUST GO AND DON'T LOOK BACK!"

Sarah: "CONNER SWEETIE WE HAVE TO LEAVE NOW!!!!"

Conner VO: "She saved my life"

*Conner is attacked by a pair of dog sized Guinea Pig pups His arms chest face shoulders back and legs are clawed as he holds back one of them from biting him. His Mother tackles one of them tearing it off of Conner and throwing it to the ground before drawing a Sig Saur P226 and emptying it into one of them.*

Conner: "Mom Look Out!"

Conner VO: "But at the cost of her own."

*The Other Guinea Pup tackles her biting her wrist causing her to drop the gun and knocking her to the ground, Conner bloodied and scratched but still capable of fighting draws his knife and stabs it in the back several times inciting cries of pain from the animal until Conner slits it's throat*

Conner: *In tears* "Mom I'm scared!"

Sarah: "Shh Conner" *Coughs up some blood* "It's going to be okay."

Conner VO: "I tried to save her"

Sarah: *Coughing up more blood.* "Conner I want you to promise me something I want you to promise me no matter what happens you'll be brave for me." *Coughs*

Conner: "I promise"

Sarah: "Mommy loves her little Marine so much." *Her eyes close*

Conner: "MOM? MOM? MOM?"

*Flashes forward to the next morning Conner finds the wreck of the family jeep and his brother's body*

Conner: "Ben!" *tries to wake him up* "Come on Ben get up please you gotta up." *Breaks down crying as another Benjamin materializes behind Conner*

Benjamin: "Conner."

Conner: "Ben!"

Conner VO: "Somehow my mind blocked off the memories of what happened next. He looked like Benjamin talked like sometimes it even felt like him.

*A montage of Conner walking down a stretch of highway, hiking through a mountain pass, setting up a campsite and hunting for dinner plays in every scene a ghostly version of Benjamin manifests himself with Conner.*

"He was my hero growing up someone who'd tell jokes to me cheer me up when I was feeling down I guess I wasn't ready to let go of him."

"For over a year I was on my own in the wilderness this manifestation in my mind my only company I caught my own dinner, slept out under the stars and when nature called I used leaves."

*A montage plays showing Conner cooking a rabbit sleeping under a tree and wiping his butt with leaves.*

"Then I came to a quiet Colorado Town Called South Park, met four boys at a bus stop."

*Shows Conner meeting Stan Kyle Cartman and Kenny.*

"That's when the sh*t hit the fan."

*A montage of Conner's arrest booking and abuse at the hands of the Truant officers shows followed by Conner's snap and escape from the locked down school.*

"In the course of one day I managed to turn a quiet mountain town into a warzone"

*Shows the school bus chase from the first story followed by the crash the foot chase and the showdown with the helicopter.*

"With only my imaginary dead brother by my side I managed to take on the Local and State Police the National Guard and the ATF."

*Shows a montage of Conner defeating the Truant officers destroying the ATF Helicopter and leading the boy's out of a collapsed mine tunnel.*

* A montage of Conner's rampage plays as the voice over continues*

"Through it all my new friends stood by my side no matter what I dragged them through. Even when I lost it and went Rambo through the town after that school counselor they were only concerned with my wellbeing."

*Shows Conner standing over a wounded Mr Mackey prepared for the kill.*

Benjamin: "Listen to me Conner I want you to move on with your life forget the past."

Conner: *Teary* "I can't I never got to say goodbye."

Benjamin: "Then say it now."

*Shows Conner being escorted by police from the school Stan Kyle Cartman Mysterion and Butters Salute him He returns it*

Conner: "Goodbye Benjamin."

*The other kids join in saluting Conner followed by the parents the teachers the police and National Guardsmen and even the ATF*

Conner VO: "The Judge took pity on me and only sentenced me to the state minimum of 5 years in Juvenile Hall."

*Shows Conner being processed in prison*

"They took my rifle, sidearm knife and anything else I could use as a weapon but the judge did let me keep my family's tags I'm grateful for that at least."

"Juvey wasn't so bad it was like summer liberty compared to this."

*Conner looks up out of the wooden bars at the rain as a flash of lightning illuminate his face followed by a clap of thunder.**Flashes back to Conner in the lunch line being served slop and a cookie, preforming vertical pushups and reading The Little Engine That Could while the VO plays.*

"As long as I behaved I got three meals a day I got to use the exercise yard and I got to check out books from the prison library."

*Flashback to Conner reading in his cell.*

Conner: "And then the little engine said I think I can I think I can."

An inmate next door: "Keep it down Rambo some of us are trying to make booze in the toilet."

*Returns to the present*

Conner VO: "Imagine my surprise when Sergeant Halfcock paid me a visit offering me a way out early along with my choice of a foster home, enrollment in the Colorado Chapter of the Corps maybe even a full pardon from the President. All I had to do was Rescue some gay choir that went missing in the Andes."

*Shows a map with a red trail leading from Colorado to Peru, Followed by images of documents, The Getting Gay with Kids Logo and Conner saluting Halfcock.*

"Bring them home and wipe the slate clean should have been the easiest mission in the world."