​A Letter to 2016

​You are the equivalent of a toddler screaming and kicking for ice cream in the middle of Costco whose parents insist you're just "an energetic child." You are the equivalent of that toddler prompting shitting and barfing in the middle of a busy aisle. You are the equivalent of the parents from earlier laughing it off and not bothering to clean it up. ​

You are the same as someone at a large wedding barfing and someone else saw it and barfed as a psychological response until everyone at the venue vomited all over the cream-colored doilies and tablecloths. You are all of those wedding guests slipping and sliding all over that vomit and colliding into one another.

You are the person at a party that doesn't take the hint when everyone else leaves and you're still standing with a cup full of Walmart punch next to the host who's cleaning up the crumbs and spilled punch you left behind.

You are the meteor that killed the dinosaurs that somehow wasn't satisfied with that and came back as a year to take away MORE stuff we like. You are selfish in a world that is trying to learn how to be more generous, or at least has people that are willing to learn. You are a parable that Jesus would tell of a greedy miser, and luckily the meek will inherit the earth - not you.

You are the temper tantrum that caused an orange racist baby man to become a president. You are the reason feminists are angry. You are the reason why women do not report when they're raped. You are the world's most toxic lover, and it's time for you to get dumped. There's only a few more days of you, and believe me, you're not getting a kiss goodbye.