The Weekly TENspot: 10 Things I Hate about James Balzer

He has 4x4, I have 2x4

Hello and welcome to the latest and greatest reason to visit alliancewake.com on a daily basis…I call it the TENspot Weekly. Whether it be a list of the top ten tricks in wakeboarding, ten career paths for washed up wakeboarders, or the top ten reasons to NEVER shave your ass; it’s all right here on alliancewake.com.

Topic # 1

Ten Things I hate about wakeskater James Balzer.

1. He’s comfortable being naked – Balzer is no stranger to a life in the buff. I heard that one time in the Philippines someone challenged him to barefoot naked around the cable and as soon as he got naked the cable broke, so he hung out on the dock for 30 + minutes in the nude waiting for them to get it back up and running and then proceeded to barefoot around the cable. My girlfriend of 4 years is still wondering what I look like naked.

2. He got third place at Bro-Stock…on a wakeboard. I was considering going to brostock to compete for a chance to win some prize money, but decided not to go because the flights were too expensive. Balzer got 3rd with a backside 5, which is sort of my staple double up trick.

3. He’s funnier than me. When I hang out around my family and friends I feel like a pretty funny guy, but around James Balzer I can’t even squeeze in a joke of my own because the whole group is ROFL at another one of Balzer’s priceless stories.

4. He’s Canadian, and Canada offers free health insurance to its citizens. This means he never has to explain to the insurance guy that he’s “an author who works from home” just to get the cheapest rate possible.

5. He’s sponsored by VonZipper. Everyone loves Von Zipper.

6. His hair is long blonde and straight…The American dream. Mine’s a wavy and makes me look like Jim Carrey in Ace Ventura Pet Detective. Surprisingly he can also grow a decent mustache.

7. He’s not as good as me at driving the boat…so on Body Glove shoots I always get stuck taking orders from Rusty on driving the perfect double up while Balzer is asleep in the passenger seat.

8. He can do a kickflip…I tried kickflips on the wakeskate for like a year straight and still can’t do them.

9. He makes the Speedo look good. This inspired me to try the Speedo myself but I never made it out of the house in mine.

10. The fact that right now Balzer is probably out wakeboarding naked after a few beers feeling as free as a bird while I sit indoors in the rain typing on the computer.