Tag: icp

DETROIT, MICH. — In solidarity with Anonymous leader and fellow evangelical Christian Barrett Brown, arrested Thursday after publicly protesting his persecution at the hands of the minor children of an FBI agent, hip-hop all-stars Insane Clown Posse have already strung together a tribute album to Mr. Brown, of which The Internet Chronicle has obtained an advance copy. The proceeds from the album will go to Mr. Brown’s legal defense fund.

In a press release representatives of ICP released a track listing for the upcoming album, entitled “Have Sex with Dead FBI Agents’ Children (We Ain’t No Gang, Freak Whores).” The track listing for the album is as follows:

Initial reports from representatives of ICP’s label, Psychopathic Records, have indicated that the release of this album may undermine the group’s recently initiated lawsuit against the FBI, which previously indicated ICP’s gang status, given their affiliation with drug prohibitionism, the Christian identity movement, the HFCS racket — in addition to their perpetual glorification of Illinois rapist/mass-murderer John Wayne Gacy.

In statements to the press FBI Director Robert Mueller has characterized ICP’s album a “dangerous travesty,” adding, “We will hunt these no-talent assclowns down as quickly as we did the drug-addled Anonymous leader.”

When the not-so-secret Illuminati two week sexcapade retreat known as Bohemian Grove concluded last week, Rick Perry emerged as the the next “anointed one” by several Grove insiders. This and much more was uncovered as the Governor himself made an appearance at the one day cameo at the 2,700-acre campground in Monte Rio, California.

The biggest buzz to come out of the summer camp for the world’s richest and most powerful gay men was that current Texas Governor (and avowed Juggalo) was anointed the New World Order’s pick to be president of the United States of America. Multiple sources with in the satanic homosexual encampment confirmed that Rick Perry will be sworn in as the 46th President of the United States in 2012. Yes you read that right, 46th.

The next phase of the New World Order’s plan for global enslavement was revealed and will kick off next month, with the planned appearance of NWO sock puppet Charile Sheen at the annual gathering of the Juggalos.

At the concert Rick Perry will make a “surprise” appearance and give the Insane Clown Posse community an exclusive with his official Presidential exploratory committee announcement from the stage with Ice Cube and George Clinton. The added publicity is expected to aid the jump start of a popular “grass roots” campaign by exploiting the mass popularity of Insane Clown Posse.

Meanwhile, Barack Obama is conflicted about how he wants to go out. The Soros wing want him to develop a “severe illness” and bow out of the 2012 race. The Koch wing keeps pushing for a more dramatic exit, perhaps a faux assassination via a “radical tea partier type.” With many outsiders speculating that the recent situation in Oslo was a dry run for a possible White House false flag operation, mum’s the word in the Grove.

White House sources at the Grove were tight lipped about what Obama is leaning toward, but word floating around a few late night camp fires suggested that he is leaning toward bowing out like a chump with some “family related” excuse.

Many anuses in the Grove were tingled by the rumors that Barack would make an appearance at camp, but alas it never happened because Michelle still has his ass on lock. Despite the conspiracy theories floating throught the Grove, it was apparent that somehow Joe Biden will step in at election time and eventually be defeated by Perry in a lop sided race.

During his time at the naked resort Perry engaged in the usual activities: lake-side talks, gay sex and Satanic rituals from ancient Mesopotamia. The Governor was seen networking with several key figures who will no doubt play a role in his run for the White House.

Roanoke, Va.–“I used to wear these in middle school, when everybody was doing it. We’d put these jeans on and quietly sit expanding our consciousnesses to Coal Chamber, KoRn, and Insane Clown Posse,” said unemployed Thomas Cranwell, 25, inside his mother’s home where he still resides.

Instead of waiting for the late-90s style to return, experts say he should start hanging out with the right people.

“Still highly sought after by juggalos, JNCOs are the rarest type of jeans found in goodwill,” said InDesign TV’s fashion expert Claude Montagne.

The world’s largest pair of JNCO’s

“They look like a skirt, sometimes, or like a pair of shorts for a giant,” said Montagne, adding, “You drop something in the pockets of a JNCOs and you can forget about it.”

JNCOs were easy to spot in the late 90’s, and were typically held up with one hand while the other hand swayed out at a 45-degree angle, as if the wearer was constantly battling the urge to stiff-arm imaginary children.

The Lee Pipes model, ex-competitor to JNCO, no longer extends ten feet outward in all directions. Following hipster fashion, Lee Pipes now makes skinny, constrictive jeans for people who are just now getting on board.

JNCO’s doctors and lawyers warn against this particular style of jeans, citing reproductive issues as a cause for concern.

“Any male who wears these constrictive jeans for too long risks severe damage to his scrotum, penis, and even the vas deferens,” said El Wax Research Department, Berkeley, California Chairman Dr. Langstrom T. Armstrong, expert in Urology.

“Vas deferens?” he added incredulously, “How do they work!?”

The vas deferens is an eighteen inch tube carrying sperm from the epididymis to the ejaculatory ducts. Or, as Insane Clown Posse explains it: “Miracles.”

“Magic everywhere in this bitch.”

-ICP

Thomas Cranwell said he will hang onto the jeans for at least another decade, holding out either for a relapse in fashion sense or for an open letter of apology from the JC Penny’s that sold him the pants.

“In the meantime,” he said, “I pick a particularly tough day after work and wear them as an aid to my sense of well-being.”