Thursday, April 19, 2012

This picture was linked on my Facebook page by a friend of mine (thanks, Bart), so I don't know what terrifically warped person created it, but I'd like to know who would invest their money in such a thing. Okay, sure. I'm a little warped too, and if I had the money, I'd probably buy one, but I couldn't justify that as being a school purchase for one of my girls.

How do you market this as a functional backpack when it looks like it will eat anything you put inside? I suppose you could direct it toward a group of parents who miss their children terribly when they're at school and want nothing more than to have them attached at the hip forever. That might work. I think this bag would stunt their developing independence in the click of a pincers.

On the off-chance that the makers of this...whatever the hell it is need some help marketing it, I'm willing to help. Here's my pitch:

Do your kids actually LIKE to go to school? Are they annoyingly early for the bus, ready and waiting with teeth brushed and hair coiffed? Do they wake in a chipper mood, chomping at the bit to do a little learning and leave you behind to sort socks and pine for their return?

Your lonely days will be a thing of the past when you get them the WTF Backpack. Yes, the WTF Backpack will ensure that your precious little babies won't ever want to go to school again. This nightmare inducing school bag will have your children resisting their education with both heels dug into the ground and their mouths agape in a large O of terror.

Oh, holy hell!

"I can't do my homework."

"Why not?"

"Because it's in...my backpack."

The WTF Backpack. So realistic, it'll scare the absolute piss out of you.

Call me "Ishmael".

These are the absolutely true stories of Erika - wife, mother of three, and word ninja. When not writing wrongs or battling her nemesis, Dishes Galore, she enjoys poking people with sharp sticks until they make little squeaky sounds. *poke*