To celebrate West Side Story’s return to Broadway, Vanity Fair shot an homage to the musical starring Camilla Belle (as Maria), JLo (as Anita), Rodrigo Santoro (as Bernardo), Chris Evans (as Riff) and Ben Barnes (as Tony). Other whores including Brittany Snow, Jay Hernandez, Robert Pattinson, Ashley Jizzdale, Cam Gigandet and Drake Bell also make cameos throughout. If you’re trying to spot the sparkly vampire, just follow the flying unicorns to the back of this picture where he’s glittering it up with Brittany Snow.

The acting faces in these pictures are worthy of a million Razzies. While Camilla Belle is purdy, she looks like an unlit candle and has the emotional depth of one too. And JLo. JLO! JLo as fucking Anita. I think I’ll go back to San Juan, because if I stay here I’ll slap a baby newt over this fuckery. Was Rita Moreno previously booked? Or Chita Rivera? Or Iris Chacon? Or Salma Hayek? Or Charo? Or Skeletor? Or La Pequena? Or any bitch but JLo!

And where in Officer Krupke hell is Anybodys?! That boygirl was always my favorite. All Vanity Fair had to do was ring up Rojo Caliente. Rojo already has the looks and attitude to pull it off.

Our commenting rules are pretty simple: If you make any overly offensive comment (racist, bigoted, etc..) or go way off topic when not in an Open Post, your comments will be deleted and you will be banned. If you see an offensive or spammy comment you think should be deleted, flag it for the mods and they'll be forever grateful and give you their first born (although, you probably don't want that).