What to do when you feel lonely

Anxiety and feelings of isolation are a terrible mix – let’s create a plan of action to connect with people and feel like yourself again.

Today, I want to talk to you about loneliness. It’s a common thing when you are a woman of anxiety when you feel lonely from time to time. Anxiety is a very isolating condition. In a lot of cases, it can be debilitatingly isolating. In today’s video, I just want to cover off on a few steps that you can take to alleviate those feelings of loneliness and isolation.

Watch the video or continue reading below…

Step 1: The more you focus on the loneliness the worse you make it.

Step number one, I just want you to be aware of what I believe to be a truth and that is, “Whatever you focus on in life will expand.”

So, whatever you give energy to, you give life to.

And in giving life to something, you cause it to grow and escalate.

Whatever you focus on will get bigger, will get larger, will get more full of life and movement.

The more you focus on the loneliness, the more it will become.

If you’re sitting there thinking, “I’m so lonely…I’m so lonely. I feel so lonely, this is terrible. Nobody likes me, I’m so isolated…” And you’re focusing on that echoing alone feeling all the time, then it will just get worse. That feeling of loneliness will just increase.

In this first step, I just want to make it clear to you that in trying to stop loneliness, your aim is to not try to get away from a feeling of loneliness but it is to go more towards a feeling of connection, fulfilment and meaningfulness.

You want to know what it is you’re going towards rather than trying to get away from a feeling of miserableness and loneliness.

It is important to understand that – connection and fulfillment will grow if that is what you decide to focus on.

The next two steps will show you how you can shift your focus from a feeling of being isolated and alone to more of a feeling of meaningfulness and connection.

Step 2: What are you looking for in a connection? Is it romance? Friendship?

So let us just focus on that word connection for a minute in step two and think about what it is that you’re looking for in a connection.

Someone who is feeling lonely is not always going to feel like the next person who is feeling lonely.

You can be in a crowded room and be the loneliest person on earth because you’re not feeling that connection.

Of course, when you’re in a crowded room and you want to be speaking to someone that is very different to someone that is sitting at home and wishing that they had a partner to share that moment with.

Not all loneliness is built the same so when you’re trying to look for the solution to your loneliness which is a feeling of connection and meaningfulness, you want to know what that definition is for you in terms of knowing what your connection would be.

What do you look for in a person that you can like to build a romance or a friendship with?

I just want you to take a moment, pause this video if you need to, take a piece of paper and write down what it is you are looking for in a connection.

And there might be a variety of connections that you’re looking for.

You don’t need to be looking for just one connection.

And actually, I am a strong advocate for having more than one connection.

No one person is going to be the fix-all solution for every part of your loneliness. So, for every type of connection that you want, make a separate list.

If you’re looking for a romantic partner, what do you want in that romantic partner? Get details. Think about what attributes they bring whether certain personality traits are important to you.

With a friendship…again, what attributes do they bring?

Do you want to have hobbies in common?

Do you want to be able to talk about a certain topic for hours on end?

Do you want to have kids the same age?

Do you want them to be very similar to you in terms of the type of work that you do, for example?

Just think about what it is that you’re looking for in a connection, what makes you feel connected to another person.

Write it down on a list and let that take as long as it takes.

Step 3: In the meantime, fill your world with things you can do by yourself – that are meaningful.

Meaningful = what’s important to you.

So, once you’ve got your list, I want you to think about things that you can fill your world with in the meantime while you’re waiting for people to arrive to fill these connections that are meaningful in your life.

So, meaningful means something that is important to you.

Think about who you are and what you stand for – do you advocate for animal rights? Do you advocate for women’s rights? Do you really love baking and you love to bring delight to people’s lives by making yummy delicious cakes, for example. What is it in your life that is really meaningful to you?

A good way to look at this is to think, what is the positive impact that you like to make on the world? Not just for the world but also for that feeling that you get back but also for that feeling that you get back in terms of feeling fulfilled, feeling like you’ve done a good thing for the day, feeling like you’re a contributor.

So, do whatever it is that is meaningful to you: Start a blog, for example.

Get started on a novel that you want to write.

Start your business, make teas and sell them at the markets.

Do whatever it is in the meantime that just fills your life with meaningfulness.

And what this does energetically, you start to circulate energy with your actions by taking action and bringing movement in your life in a direction of a way that is meaningful for you by giving life to something that you want to build on, you circulate energy and that attracts people and circumstances and fun times that make your life less lonely and less isolated.

And before you know it, you won’t be feeling isolated and lonely anymore. You will be happy and fulfilled and contented.

I’ve got a whole library of free mp3 meditations, and I think if you’re feeling lonely, a good meditation for you is the Find your Soul Sister meditation which will help you to attract new good friends into your life. This is for forming platonic relationships, woman to woman and letting go of some of various old blocks that might be standing in your way.