Julie's Story

What was the problem before therapy started?

Feeling sad and upset. Thinking about the past and future. Lack of confidence and feeling inadequate to others. Depression. Feeling lonely and isolated due to keeping people at a distance. No energy to do anything. Now dealing with problems.

How did it develop?

Due to my early experiences of feeling abandoned by my parents on an emotional level, I learnt at a very young age that withdrawning and shutting down were a way to survive difficult situations (rejection, criticism, punishment). I was also given constant messages that men weren' to be trusted and were lazy and weak.

What kept it going?

The messages I had about men have led me to avoid relationships. I also avoid getting too involved with other peole in case I am rejected.

Feelings of sadness and anxiety that bubble up have led me to self harm, use alcohol, ruminate and withdraw. Although these things have given short term relief and release, they have made me feel angry with myself and reinforced other feelings of hoelessness, sadness and loneliness.

What's changed since therapy began?

I now have an understanding of what symptoms link to what. Keeping a diary helped me to notice triggers of sad feelings and things I do in response.

I am aware of my avoidance and physical withdrawal and realise I do this to protect myself and get relief but that it makes me feel sad and gives me time to ruminate. I have started gardening again which I love and at times when I have exercised it reminds me how good it can feel.

How can I build on this and take it foward?

Remind myself that I have control over my choices in life and have managed to achieve the above in just a few weeks.