Naughty Nonna Knows All: advice to the perplexed

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Dear Nonna,

I give my boyfriend oral sex often, but he refuses to go downtown. He thinks it’s gross. How can I get him to give urban adventures a try?

Longing for City Living

Dear Longing,

Part of a good, healthy sex life is reciprocation. Providing pleasure for each other, and ensuring that both partners are satisfied. If his turn-off about cunnilingus is that he thinks that a woman’s vagina is dirty or smells “fishy”, there are things you can try to help alleviate his fear. Try taking a bath together with the intention of having oral sex afterwards. During the bath, have him lather you up, coming to terms with the clean factor.

This is a case where I might suggest food as a tool. By using a can of whipped cream on him and licking it off his penis, and then asking him to use on you, it might help him break the barrier too.

Don’t forget though that the key to figuring out how to overcome a problem is discussing it. Talk to him about why it feels good, and how it would really turn you on. Talk about how you would like him to do it. Let him know that he doesn’t need to suffocate himself by burying his whole face down there. It it’s more comfortable for him, tell him he can just use his tongue on your clitoris. If you like it, tell him he can also put his finger(s) inside you.

Egos can be brutal, and some guys are afraid of “doing it wrong.” Teach them how, and maybe you will be pleasantly surprised. Suggest a “69” position in order to make it seem more reciprocal to him.

Another reason for the lack of city living could be his point-of-view. If he thinks it’s not macho enough or that he shouldn’t “have to” then my immediate thought is he’s not a keeper. If he has these hang-ups, dump him or send him to counseling.

Intimacy issues can be another barrier to the sexual psyche. Most people find that performing oral sex on a woman is much more intimate than oral sex on a man. If it’s a newer relationship, maybe time will increase his comfort level, thus increasing his ability to let go a bit.

Most importantly though, don’t just wait for him to change. Instead, keep talking about the issue without nagging, and slowly introduce some of these techniques

Dear Nonna,

I’m afraid to make too much noise during sex. I feel like my partner really would like me to be more vocal, but I’m not sure how.

Not a Screamer

Dear Screamer,

It’s not unusual to be intimidated about making different sounds during sex. Some people might be embarrassed of what their partner will think, and others might be afraid of people out of the bedroom hearing what’s going on.

There are a few ways to overcome the fear of letting loose, and first and foremost, you need to allow yourself to do it. Give yourself permission to moan and groan or even scream if you want. If it makes you more comfortable, try it alone first. Masturbate and make some noise. Get used to loosening up. Not only does holding back affect your performance, it can also affect your orgasm, and nothing should get in the way of that. When you concentrate on holding back, you are holding back more than just your noise. Making some noise can also serve as a sexual barometer for your partner. It provides your lover with some indication and reassurance that they are doing something that is pleasurable for you.

Dear Nonna,

I’ve been dating someone for a couple of months and we’ve been having a great time together. Lately she’s been mentioning that she gets turned on by talking dirty, but it makes me feel kinda stupid. Do you have any tips for me?

Talk Dirty to Me

Oh TDTM,

Talking dirty doesn’t mean you have to start dropping the f-bombs like a porn star. An easy way to get started tis by describing in detail what you want them to do, or what you are about to do to them. “Touch me here, kiss my neck, nibble my ear” or “I’m so turned on right now.”

Once you get more comfortable, there are some great ways to get the reaction that you want. Giving kudos to your partner is a great way to talk dirty. “ I love the way you…, You are the best lover. You are so sexy.”

Tone of voice means a lot husky, playful, flirty. Play around with how you say things also. The more you practice and get comfortable, the more fun you can have with it. Another source for help is erotica. Reading erotic short stories or Penthouse Forum letter can give you an opportunity to find some expressions that you might be interested in saying.

Letters can be emailed to basementmedicine@gmail.com or dropped off at the office, WLLC327

This column is for entertainment only. Any advice, guidance, or other information that you receive is not a substitute for advice, programs, or treatment that you would normally receive from a licensed professional such as a doctor or psychiatrist. If you have immediate concerns, please seek help from the Campus Heath Center at 635-1265 or call your physician. JSC’s Women Center in Dewey Hall also has a list of available resources and information. They are open from 1-5, Monday through Thursday.