LORD GRANTHAM: And he appeared on the papal loggia wearing a simple white cassock and a plain pectoral cross. Evidently he’s eschewed the Prada shoes and gold cross.

O’BRIEN: Fine thing, unless you happen to sew for Prada. But who looks after the artisans?

THOMAS: The old Pope dressed so fine. That red Mozzetta on his shoulders, with a bit of ermine. And that Camauro cap when it was a nipper in Rome. Now there’s a gentlemen I could be a proper valet for.

O’BRIEN: Indeed, Thomas. Well, I believe the position is open if you care to inquire.

LORD GRANTHAM: I’ve just been handed another telegram by Carson. It’s from Pope Francis. It seems that, in the absence of a male heir, he is suggesting that Downton revert to its previous owners.

DOWAGER DUCHESS: Revert to its previous owners? My dear, Downton has been in the Crawley Family since his Royal Highness King Henry VIII bestowed it on the first Lord Grantham.

LORD GRANTHAM: That’s just it, Mother. As a question of justice, Pope Francis is suggesting we give it back to the Benedictines. That is, of course, why it’s called Downton Abbey.

DOWAGER DUCHESS: Heavens! Jesuits! Argentina! Busses! Give Downton back to the Benedictines? And what will we do then? Pray and brew beer? Walk on water?