Diary of a Dysfunctional Domestic Divahttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com
Whining, Dining, and Nursery RhymingThu, 16 Nov 2017 05:21:20 +0000enhourly1http://wordpress.com/https://s2.wp.com/i/buttonw-com.pngDiary of a Dysfunctional Domestic Divahttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com
Little assholeshttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2017/02/09/little-assholes/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2017/02/09/little-assholes/#respondThu, 09 Feb 2017 16:24:15 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1625Continue reading Little assholes]]>Hiiiiiiiiiii! I know, I know, it’s been a while! I didn’t even finish my domestic abuse series yet from you know, ahem, October (insert shame). I promise to get to that riveting conclusion soon! Okay, it’s not riveting, but I’ll share it none the less. I didn’t intend to drop the ball on that but, as you may or may not know, I’m a photographer and thus the fall photo season tied me down with work, work, work. Then it was holiday season and now I’m in a season of “Dear Lord, make it stop!!!!!” I wish I had the time or the words to fill you with something inspirational and send you out into the day with warm and fuzzy vibes but alas, I don’t. Fresh out of warm and fuzzy vibes this morning and it looks like I’m not restocking anytime before bedtime. What I have for you is a pure unadulterated rant. If warm and fuzzy is what you seek, look away now friend. Look away!

Y’all! I wanted kids soooooooo bad. It was like my life’s mission to do motherhood and do it well. You know, not to toot my own horn (toot), but it was something that always came pretty naturally to me. For all intensive purposes, I was a good mom. A refreshing combination of Martha Stewart, June Cleaver, Lorelai Gilmore, and oh I don’t know, Roseanne Conner. The point is, I was rocking motherhood.

Or so I thought…

As of late, I’ve been feeling more like Gemma Teller or Norma Bates (of the series, not the movie). A hot freaking mess. This week has been particularly rough. I’m looking around my house and wondering… how the hell did that happen? What was the thought processes behind this? I tripped on a shoe coming down the stairs. Just one. I immediately wondered what circumstance would make a child say, “you know, I think I’ll just take this one shoe off right here in the middle of the stairs and keep going for a dramatic Cinderella effect”. When I went into the bathroom and saw a whole roll of charmin strung to and fro like party streamers I tried to analyze the thought process behind “I need to wipe my butt, hmmm… wait! Let’s see how much toilet paper is REALLY on this roll.” When I navigated through a battle zone of lego landmines in the playroom (you know, the ones I painstakingly color coded into fabulous Ikea storage bins a mere 2 weeks ago for 3 hours?), I considered what must have undoubtably been a disturbing conversation between my children and their inner selves. Child: “Let’s play with the legos” Child’s inner demons: “let’s ‘make it rain’ legos instead (I can almost hear their devious laughter now).

So as I’ve almost broken my neck tripping on a shoe on the staircase, re-rolled the toilet paper, and mumbled the F word under my breath with each painful lego jab it occurred to me that these little assholes were really making it hard for me to be the domestic maternal goddess I wanted to be! I’ve been down on myself because I felt like I was failing in the mothering department lately. But maybe I haven’t been failing in the mothering department at all. Maybe they’re failing in the considerate children department. You know what, that’s okay because they’re just kids after all.

The problem is, we as parents, equate our children’s shortcomings with our own failures. Forget the fact that I spend 80% of my day cleaning something, the legos on the floor and the shoes on the staircase stare me down like I’m desperately failing at my job. When they don’t excel on a spelling test or win their soccer game, we immediately blame ourselves. “Maybe she would have made a 100 if I wasn’t working all day and spent more time studying with her.” “Maybe she would have made that goal if we went to the park and kicked the ball around a little more often.” We dwell on that one chick-fil-a meal we fed them instead of the 5 homemade meals we served. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves??!?! We need to stop magnifying our failures and start celebrating our successes… So today, that’s what I’m doing. I’m celebrating the fact that I have 3 beautiful, intelligent, Jesus loving, healthy children and I’m going to completely ignore the lego landmines for another day. In this moment I’m going to sit here with yesterday’s hair and makeup and drink a mimosa. Because contrary to what I often feel like, I do NOT suck at life! Cheers!

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2017/02/09/little-assholes/feed/0screen-shot-2017-02-09-at-9-39-37-amdysfunctionaldomesticdiva2013screen-shot-2017-02-09-at-9-39-37-amscreen-shot-2017-02-09-at-9-55-24-amimage1The phone bill…https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/23/the-phone-bill/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/23/the-phone-bill/#respondSun, 23 Oct 2016 16:43:53 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1573Continue reading The phone bill…]]>This is part 2 of my story for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. You can find part one here. Some of these details I remember very well, while others I am drawing directly from the police report account of that day.

Some time passed, around 4 months if I remember correctly. I found myself in the same place as I had been before the “incident”. Our relationship had not improved despite a lot of empty promises. He hadn’t been violent with me again but I was always on guard. He had gotten fired from his job, again. He had decided to start a business with his brother but didn’t bother telling me any of this of course. I only found out when I called his office looking for him one day and the receptionist informed me he hadn’t worked there in over a month. I just couldn’t do it anymore and so I took my daughter and went to stay with one of my best friends and her husband for a while. I can’t tell you how long we stayed there, a couple of months maybe. They were wonderful with her and we felt like family. I will never forget all they did for me and all the encouragement they provided. At one point, I tried going back home but there just didn’t seem to be much going back. I wanted to file for divorce officially but I was scared, confused, and didn’t have the funds to do so. He had moved out of our home and into a small apartment and we tried to have a semi-amicable relationship for the sake of our daughter.

Within a few months of moving out, I began seeing someone. Yes, it was too soon. Yes, I was still legally married. Yes, I know it was a bad move. Long story short, he was a friend of a friend. He was polar opposite of my ex husband and was just kind to me ALL the time. He was what I needed at the time and I’m still very close to his family to this day! If you’re in this situation, finish closing one door before opening another. For me though, I needed to feel wanted and needed again. I wasn’t uber secretive about this new friend and naturally it was a tense subject between my soon-to-be ex husband and I. He began to threaten to use the relationship to attempt to take my daughter away from me. Naturally, I backed away from the relationship but that didn’t stop him from trying to “dig”. One day, he had my daughter napping at his apartment. When I arrived she was still napping and he asked me if I would take his truck down the street and get him something to eat. I obliged. Upon arriving back at the apartment with his food, I observed a notebook in the passenger seat and inside found my phone records, photos of me with my friends, myspace posts he had printed, etc. I was so angry at this violation of privacy that I removed the whole file from the truck, and tossed it in the large dumpster in the parking lot. After dropping off his food, I collected my daughter and went to the parking lot to leave, he followed behind and promptly noticed the missing documents from his truck. He immediately became enraged and violent. While I held my daughter (who was about 18 months old at the time), he got in my face yelling at me. He called me a whore and a whole bunch of other names. He demanded I crawl into the dumpster and retrieve the documents. When I refused, he shoved me, baby in arms, into the dumpster at which point I stumbled and dropped my purse. He immediately grabbed my purse with my wallet, phone, and keys, threw it into his truck and drove off. I was shaken up and without my purse, I had no choice but to walk to the nearest local business (blockbuster) to use the phone. I called my parents to come get me and I’m not sure whether they called the police, if I did, or the sweet blockbuster employees who comforted a crying hysterical young woman and her baby. Either way, once my parents arrived, my ex was not far behind. He drove up beside their van and began yelling and causing problems. My mother than drove her van down a side street with him in pursuit. He sped up beside her yelling for her to pull over and then made a sharp turn blocking her in causing her to stop abruptly. According to the report, my mother feared she would ram into his truck. From there, he parked in the middle of the road, got out of the truck and began screaming and pounding the hood of her van. He yelled demanding we get out of the van and when we refused he punched and broke the sideview mirror off. I was shaking terrified and I know my mother was also scared because there was no telling what he was capable of. At this point, the police arrived and he promptly returned to his apartment. According to the documents, after taking a statement from us and a statement from him, they arrested him for family violence and criminal mischief. I’m so thankful that he didn’t hurt me worse than the red finger marks the police reported on my left arm. But I’m more so thankful that he didn’t hurt my daughter or my parents in his rage. This wasn’t a terrible altercation but it was significant because it was the first time my family got to see this side of him first hand. Until this point, I imagine it was difficult to grasp how someone so funny and “nice” could be capable of violence.

Did you know October is Domestic Violence Awareness month? Yeah, I didn’t either, it clearly doesn’t get enough attention! I feel a little nauseous with what I’m about to share with you. This is not something I’ve talked about much in depth with anyone, even my own family. As most of you may know, this is my second marriage. What some of you may not know is that I am a domestic violence survivor. There, yeah, I said that, out loud. Feeling completely vulnerable right now because I’ve never considered myself to be a “victim” or a “survivor” of any sort. That makes me sound heroic or something and I definitely do not feel heroic! As I cleaned an old file cabinet drawer this month, I stumbled upon a large file containing numerous court documents and police reports. I sobbed uncontrollably as I read through as I had forgotten (or tried to forget rather) the details that these reports contained. In an attempt to raise more awareness on the matter, I’m going to be sharing parts of these stories with you this month.

I’ll start with a little backstory: I married my high school sweetheart at a very young age (19 to be exact). He was handsome and funny and could always make me laugh. He was not without flaw and I knew that from the get go. Honesty was never a strong quality he possessed and this was often a problem for us even throughout the dating and engagement years. I knew he had been involved in several physical altercations with schoolmates throughout the years (prior to me really) but what young man hasn’t? He was never violent with me, in fact, throughout our 3 years of dating/engagement, I only saw him remotely violent or agitated once. Marriage, as you know, at any age, is difficult. Ours was no different. We were still struggling to find ourselves, we were growing up together, and dealing with very adult things like BILLS and jobs. After a year of marriage, I found myself expecting. He was less than thrilled and demanded that I have an abortion. I refused and said I would raise the baby alone if I had to. He knew there was no changing my mind and all I really ever wanted to be was a mother. Our relationship was strained from then on. Although he eventually came around and embraced the pregnancy and seemingly loved our daughter very much, our relationship never recovered. Raising a baby with a man who initially wasn’t sold on fatherhood was difficult enough, raising a baby with a man who could barely hold a job was downright torturous. We tried to make it work but no matter how hard tried, our resentment for one another only grew. It seemed we were more roommates sharing a child than a newly married young couple. We rarely spoke, we fought often, and rarely agreed on anything. I was 22 years old with a 1 year old child when I began to drink. Not heavily, not daily, not around my child but enough to contribute to our already mounting problems. It became an escape for me. I began going out a couple of times a week with friends. At first I would invite him along because I desperately wanted to have fun with him. We rarely had fun together though and I told myself i needed time away from him and the baby to unwind. I would stay with her all day long, bathe her, feed her, and put her in bed and then I would be off to the bowling alley or our favorite local mexican food restaurant for fun and drinks. I will never forget the first time he hit me. Sights and sounds from that night will forever haunt me. They are etched in my brain permanently.

It was a Thursday night and we had plans to go to a friend’s house for game night. They were a young married couple too and lots of fun. My mother was planning to keep the baby that evening and when he came home from work I was excited to go but he was in a terrible mood. At the last minute he decided he didn’t want to go. I decided I would go anyway because the thought of being cooped up with someone in a terrible mood all night sounded dreadful. He wasn’t happy about it. I don’t know exactly what led up to this point but I remember arguing with him for hours. Literally, hours. I was bringing up past issues, he was being unbearable, it was undoubtably tense. In attempts to diffuse the situation, I turned my back to him and began to walk from the front of the house to our bedroom in the back of the house. As I neared our daughter’s bedroom down the hall, he rushed up behind me and grabbed my hair. He threw me to the ground and then sat on top of me. He slapped my face repeatedly and yelled at me. He had a crazed look in his eye I’m not sure I had ever seen before. Pink flip phone in hand, I tried to wrestle him off of me unsuccessfully and dialed 911 with my unrestrained hand. As soon as he realized what I was doing, he grabbed the phone from my hands, ripped it in half, and threw the pieces to his right. It happened to hit and crack the window to my daughter’s room. I told him I wanted my mother. I begged for him to let me take my daughter and go to my mother’s house. He lifted me off the ground by my hair and swiped my daughter up in his free arm. She was crying all the while. Not crying, screaming bloody murder. I was also crying hysterically. We were both absolutely terrified. He put her in the backseat and threw me in the passenger seat slamming the door behind him and than began to drive. I thought about getting out and running but I couldn’t leave HER. He yelled at me the whole way. He said terrible things to me like “I should drive you out to the middle of nowhere and kill you”. I wanted so desperately to remain calm for my child but regaining my composure at this stage proved to be difficult. He drove for what seemed like an eternity and eventually pulled up to my parent’s house. My father was out of town and it was very late. Probably about 1 a.m. I rang the doorbell still crying, holding my daughter while he still had his hand tightly clasped to me left arm. My mother answered the door confused and half asleep. I remember blurting out “he hit me” in between sobs and her quickly ushering us inside. He left. She grabbed the phone and said she was calling the police. I urged her not to. I was confused and scared. We never called the police that night. Something that the both of us will probably always regret. The next day he was back with flowers, gifts, tears, and seemingly sincere apologies. He was under a lot of stress I told myself. Being a husband and father in your early 20’s can certainly take a toll on anyone. So we went back home with him with a solid promise it would never happen again. Only… it did.

to be continued…

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/17/he-hit-me/feed/1dysfunctionaldomesticdiva2013screen-shot-2016-10-17-at-11-43-32-amWhat if I don’t want to be a proverbs 31 wife today?!?!https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/13/what-if-i-dont-want-to-be-a-proverbs-31-wife-today/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/13/what-if-i-dont-want-to-be-a-proverbs-31-wife-today/#respondThu, 13 Oct 2016 15:13:34 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1503Continue reading What if I don’t want to be a proverbs 31 wife today?!?!]]>Proverbs 31:10-31 (NIV)

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character

10 A wife of noble character who can find?She is worth far more than rubies.11 Her husband has full confidence in herand lacks nothing of value.12 She brings him good, not harm,all the days of her life.13 She selects wool and flaxand works with eager hands.14 She is like the merchant ships,bringing her food from afar.15 She gets up while it is still night;she provides food for her familyand portions for her female servants.16 She considers a field and buys it;out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.17 She sets about her work vigorously;her arms are strong for her tasks.18 She sees that her trading is profitable,and her lamp does not go out at night.19 In her hand she holds the distaffand grasps the spindle with her fingers.20 She opens her arms to the poorand extends her hands to the needy.21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;for all of them are clothed in scarlet.22 She makes coverings for her bed;she is clothed in fine linen and purple.23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.24 She makes linen garments and sells them,and supplies the merchants with sashes.25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;she can laugh at the days to come.26 She speaks with wisdom,and faithful instruction is on her tongue.27 She watches over the affairs of her householdand does not eat the bread of idleness.28 Her children arise and call her blessed;her husband also, and he praises her:29 “Many women do noble things,but you surpass them all.”30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Ladies, not a single one of us hoped on board the marriage and mommy train without good intentions. If we were raised in the church, we probably knew a thing or two about Proverbs 31. We wanted to be Proverbs 31 wives. Or I mean, at least I did. “Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her”, I mean, who wouldn’t want that right? What I didn’t realize was how exhausting achieving Proverbs 31 wife status truly is! It’s funny, because the chapter is brutally honest about the work it entails but it flows so beautifully that I pretty much only focused on the end part where my kids and my husband were going to think I was the bomb.com and love me and praise me and all that good stuff all the time!

The thing is, 99.99% of the time I’m the first one awake in the morning and the last one in bed at night. I don’t always make super terrific decisions because I have TOO MANY decisions to make daily! Where everyone needs to be and when, immunize my kids, don’t immunize my kids, buy organic, dairy is good, no, it’s really not, what should I put in their lunchbox? I open my arms to the poor, the wealthy, and everyone in between. So much so that I have nothing left for myself most days. I’m literally doing something for someone else daily. I don’t always speak with wisdom. Sometimes I speak downright foolish things. Idle time? What is that?!?!? My kids, they don’t always “arise and call me blessed”, my husband rarely “praises me”. Often my job is a thankless one. I don’t feel like I’m surpassing anyone or that I’m being honored by a single soul. That’s all okay, I don’t need recognition or a pat on the back very often. I do these things proudly and joyfully (most of the time). But somedays, SOME DAYS, I don’t want to be a Proverbs 31 wife, I don’t want to wake up before everyone else or stay up once everyone has gone to sleep because there’s still much to be done. Sometimes, I want some idle time. I think I deserve some idle time dangit!

The problem is, we’ve put so much pressure on ourselves to be the Proverbs 31 wife by taking care of everyone else that we completely neglect ourselves. You’re not going to be perfect, ever. You can’t do it ALL, everyday. It’s okay to sit down and prop your feet up sometimes. It’s totally okay for your husband to toss in a load of laundry or cook a meal occasionally. It’s okay to go through the drive through because you don’t feel like cooking! It’s okay to sleep in sometimes. You may not be the perfect wife and mother that you envisioned you would be, but you rock! You may not get a lot of public recognition for your efforts from your husband or children but, I assure you, they appreciate all you do for them. Take some time for you today if you just don’t feel like being a P31 wife. Go get your nails done ladies, take a load off!

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/10/13/what-if-i-dont-want-to-be-a-proverbs-31-wife-today/feed/0dysfunctionaldomesticdiva2013proverbs31Not my problem…https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/09/29/not-my-problem/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/09/29/not-my-problem/#respondThu, 29 Sep 2016 16:28:40 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1440Continue reading Not my problem…]]>It’s been entirely too long since I sat down to put my thoughts and ramblings into words for this blog. Life in the Latch home is extremely hectic with school activities, sports, running my photography business, and my husband’s hotshot company. Seems like there’s always something to be done and very little time for anything extra.

I wanted to touch bases with you on a subject that’s been weighing on me for quite some time now. I may even rant a little bit, forgive me. I want you to for a moment consider the biggest problem in life right now. Now, I want you to consider the biggest problems of others in the world for a minute. How do your biggest problems stack up to those of the world? We spend a lot of time dwelling on issues that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things and completely neglect some real BIG problems facing those around us. We forget to be grateful for what we have because what we don’t have clouds our judgement. We live in a constant state of oblivion to our fellow man. We don’t concern ourselves for others because their issues are NOT OUR PROBLEM! We’ve become a culture that completely lacks empathy for others. We sit in our little box casting judgement on everyone, focusing on the mundane day to day of our sheltered lives, and complaining about what is wrong with the world. News flash! WE are what’s wrong with the world! If you’re not a part of the solution, you’re a part of the problem!

Did you know that 1 in 4 children suffers from malnutrition worldwide? Probably not because it’s not your problem. Here’s something you may not know, according to dosomething.org, 1 in 6 people in America suffer from hunger. Let’s think about that for a second. Envision your 6 closest friends. Now imagine that 1 of them doesn’t have the food they need to thrive. Hits a little closer to home doesn’t it? If you knew your neighbor didn’t have enough resources to properly nourish their children, would you step in to help? Imagine the desperation those parents must feel. When was the last time you were really hungry? We joke and say we’re hangry when we haven’t eaten for a few hours but we don’t stop to consider that there are children across the world, across the nation, and even in our very own backyard who haven’t eaten in days! It’s not our problem right? But, what if it were you? Would you want someone else to make it their problem and step up to help you out. To help your kids get the nourishment they so desperately need?

There’s the man who got laid off and is searching for a job but can’t seem to find one. He’s working odd jobs to pay the bills but it’s not enough. He can’t provide for his family, not for lack of trying, but it’s not your problem. The kid on the baseball team who has a single mom trying her hardest to get him where he needs to be because even though she’s run completely ragged, she doesn’t want him to miss out on anything. She can’t drive him to practice sometimes because of work so he walks, sometimes miles to get there but that’s not your problem. The teenage girl who so desperately seeks the attention of every male she meets because nobody taught her she’s beautiful, loved, and cherished. She finds herself a mother when she too is just a child and she needs help desperately. She needs to feel loved and worthy of real love desperately but that’s not your problem!

There’s a lot of controversy surrounding the Black Lives Matter movement. I think a lot of us who are not black, don’t fully grasp the concept that racism is alive and thriving in our own backyard. Why? Because it’s “not our problem“. It doesn’t directly affect us and our family and thus we turn a blind eye to the fact that it actually IS a problem for someone. It’s a very real problem for our neighbors, co-workers, friends, and our children’s schoolmates. Don’t believe me? I have a very good long time friend who happens to be black. Yesterday, as her children rode the bus to school, a white kid pulled a knife out on her daughter and threatened to stab her, her brother, and the other black children on the bus. Yes, but you’re right, racism no longer exists here. I’m absolutely shaking with anger and frustration for her family even as I type this. As much as I want to get my belt after the behind of that child on the bus, I want to ring the neck of his parents even more because Racism is a learned behavior. Do all lives matter? Absolutely! Are we saying by supporting Black Lives Matter that we don’t believe that ALL lives matter? Absolutely not, but let’s get real honest, when was the last time your life was threatened or your intentions questioned for strolling through your neighborhood at night just because of the color of your skin?

My point is, be a part of the solution! You can’t solve all the world’s problems, but you can certainly help with some. The bible tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. Are you truly loving others as you love yourself? Because loving others fully sometimes requires taking their problems and making them our own. Working together to find solutions instead of creating more division. If you see someone that needs help, roll your sleeves up and get in there to help! If we aren’t helping those with needs big or small, and we aren’t teaching our children to be a part of the solution, our future is doomed and that IS OUR PROBLEM!

I leave you with a FREE printable to frame for your home and remind you daily to be kind and help others. It’s formatted to an 8×10 just click the link below the image to download and print.

having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

Years ago, when my husband and I were in the midst of some marital turmoil, he confided in a friend that one of our biggest problems was that I was too “perfect”. The way he said it was insulting rather than a compliment. When I asked him what exactly that was supposed to mean he said “You’re good at everything and it’s annoying”. There’s something about that statement that has resounded with me since. It wasn’t the first time someone had given me a “compliment” like that. In joking I’ve heard, “you’re the perfect mother”, “you’re the mother I wish I was”, “you’re so good at everything”, “you and Dave are so cute, you’re like the perfect couple”, “you put my project to shame” Funny, these statements were meant to be compliments, but to me, they magnify all that is imperfect about me. I think a lot of us feel this pressure partially from society, primarily from ourselves, to be perfect. I didn’t realize my quest for perfectionism was so annoying but I know I often feel exhausted by it. I recently posted this photo on my personal instagram & fb pages:

Sure it was all supposed to be fun and games but it rings incredibly true. We slap on a cool filter and display the best of us. We rarely post the “real” us. We talk about and post the good but not the bad and the ugly. Sometimes I’m a rockin’ wife, mom, daughter, sister, and friend but never am I close to perfect. In fact, more times than not, I’m completely drowning here! I know I’m not alone here and I think we should all start being a little more real with one another about it. I don’t want to dwell on my imperfections or shortcomings but I certainly don’t want to portray a “perfect” life. Maybe if we all started being a little more real with each other, we may be able to let go of some of the pressures that plague us daily. This week, I shaved one leg and not the other, was late to church, got into a fight with my husband, yelled at my kids, missed the memo about 1st grade awards and didn’t show up, fed my kids absolute junk food at least 3 out of 7 days, and almost forgot to pick them up from school. Nobody’s lunches were cut into cute shapes, the grocery store was out of organic 2% so I bought regular, and I didn’t work out once. I did however plan a camping themed family night complete with a tent in the playroom, an obstacle course, and driveway s’mores which I posted the crap out of. Betcha didn’t see a single photo of all the things I totally screwed up though did you? My point? I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect, we will never be perfect. The good news is, we don’t have to be perfect, just real and kind to one another. Lighten up y’all, go easy on yourselves, were all in this together!

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/05/30/per%c2%b7fect/feed/0dysfunctionaldomesticdiva201313227741_1354616354564844_6198942694277782141_oFavorite things brunchhttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/05/15/favorite-things-brunch/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/05/15/favorite-things-brunch/#commentsSun, 15 May 2016 21:20:40 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1305Continue reading Favorite things brunch]]>I’ve seen favorite things parties all over pinterest and I had been dying for a reason to throw one for quite some time. Naturally, when I saw that a ladies brunch group I’m a part of was in need of a May hostess, I jumped at the chance to finally put this together. The party itself wasn’t super fancy so I wasn’t sure that I was going to share or not, I’m not used to planning adult parties! I did however, create several printables and I thought someone else may be able to put some of them to use so decided to do a quick share. Because it’s just a Facebook group I didn’t create tangible invitations but instead opted for a group event page. The party info read this:

Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things…

Here’s the skinny, purchase 5 of your favorite things (under $5). This can be anything at all you love! An awesome lipgloss or chapstick, a cool face mask, awesome markers, candy, snack, lotion, you get the idea. When you arrive, you’ll write your name 5 times and place them in a bowl. We will take turns presenting our favorite things and then drawing a name from the bowl to give each one away. By the end, we will each have 5 NEW favorite things!

When guests arrived, they grabbed a plate and piled on the grub and mixed themselves a drink. I set out grapefruit juice, pineapple juice, orange juice, and orange mango juice with several bottles of champagne for those who wanted mimosas. I also set out olives, vodka, bloody mary mix, and the fixings for that. I had water too but not much of that was consumed! haha

I didn’t go super crazy with food, I chose mini pancakes with syrup dipping cups, donut holes, sausage balls, cheese, crackers, chips, salsa, and 2 different quiche options. I was worried it wouldn’t be enough food but we were all pretty stuffed. It was a pretty cost effective menu. The donut holes were about $1.50 per dozen at my local donut shop, I got a big bag of pre-made mini pancakes at walmart for under $5, and the little individual containers for the syrup at dollar tree (10/$1). I made the quiche(s) myself, they’re super easy and delicious!

I originally set out to order custom cups but couldn’t find them in a small enough quantity (I was only expecting about 10 guests), plus, I was having a hard time committing to a single saying, I thought it would be fun to have different cup options. The group is called “b!#ches who brunch” (I didn’t name it) and I kinda wanted to incorporate that but the mom in me didn’t want it all over EVERYTHING! lol So, instead, I bought cheap clear plastic cups at walmart and a package of round adhesive labels at dollar tree. I downloaded the template online and used photoshop to add cute little sayings, printed, and stuck right on to the cups. The girls had fun picking a cup and cute paper straw. I chose polka dot paper straws with cute little flags to write everyone’s name on so we didn’t get our cups mixed up.

I set up a separate table with bags for everyone to take home their favorite things and a bowl to put everyone’s name in. Everyone set their favorite things here when they came in. When it was time, we took turns standing and presenting our favorite things, then drawing a name and giving that item away. It was super fun, and we got some great goodies! I purchased the brown paper bags at michael’s, printed out the label at home, and attached it with glitter washi tape.

It was a little different planning a party for moms and not kids. I had a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I didn’t need to plan a bunch of activities or games! lol We just ate, drank, visited, and did lots of laughing. In addition to the favorite things exchange, I set up a Photo Booth area in the front living room with props. We may have had a little fun with that too.

We had lotsa fun, can’t wait to do it again! I’m going to attach the table decor signs, even a few I didn’t actually end up using. No sense in them just sitting lonely and un-used on my computer. Hope you get some use of them! I don’t ask anything in return but that if you use them, use the hashtag “dysfunctionaldomesticdivablog” when you post to instagram so I can see how you used them! It’s so fun to see different takes on something!

I used glue and glitter to make some of the signs sparkle after they were printed, but that’s totally optional. I got most of the frames I used at dollar tree too.

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/05/15/favorite-things-brunch/feed/2_LLP5049dysfunctionaldomesticdiva201313087862_1333413256685154_734787581445927424_n_LLP5054.jpg_LLP5047.jpg_LLP5049_LLP5055image.jpg_LLP5062.jpgIMG_0484IMG_0490IMG_0492IMG_0496IMG_0497Holes in my shoeshttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/03/01/holes-in-my-shoes/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/03/01/holes-in-my-shoes/#respondTue, 01 Mar 2016 16:46:56 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1266Continue reading Holes in my shoes]]>This morning, I woke up ready to take on the day! Seriously, things were going off without a hitch and we were on time and life was good. I took the big girls to school and then came home to begin getting A ready. She looked quite cute in her little ruffled leggings and super sweet twirly dress. She even picked a cute chunky necklace and a big pink bow to put in her perfectly placed ponytail. I went to the kitchen to finish making her lunch and told her to put on her shoes and grab her backpack. She came to me in a bit of a panic because she couldn’t find her folder. We looked for a bit and then decided maybe one of her sisters had accidentally grabbed it as they all keep their backpacks in the reading nook side by side. Our folder search ate up any spare time and before I knew it, we were on the verge of running late. I quickly ushered her into the car and we sped off to school. Upon arrival, I struggled to help her grab her nap mat, backpack, lunchbox, Ted, and her quest box (why does a 4 year old need this much gear for MDO?!?!?!). We fought our way up the stairs and into class and her teacher commented on how pretty she looked. I noticed she had a little breakfast left on her face so ushered her to the sink to wash her face before kissing her to tell her goodbye. There my perfectly dressed little princess stood before me smiling as I glanced over her to proudly bask in all her head to toe adorableness. That’s when I noticed it…

There before me were her big toes gleaming out staring me in the face. I could immediately feel my smile contort into an open mouthed gaping state of shock. I froze absolutely horrified and began to panic. You see these old glittery toms had become her “play shoes”. She would slip them on and frolic outside to play for hours. Recently, I had noticed her dragging them along the concrete as she rode her scooter and thus had ripped holes in the toes. I told her to throw them away and that I would get her a new pair. I trusted that she had but they’re her favorite shoes all broken in and comfy like that and so I guess she couldn’t bare to see them go. I began to explain the situation to her teacher and vowed to return shortly with a less beggar looking pair. I drove home in a hurry eager to grab some decent foot ware and return them to my little darling.

As I left the school for the second time after delivering suitable shoes, something hit me. I have holes in my shoes too. Not literally. Metaphorically speaking. My life is imperfect. I often fall short of the mother, the wife, the daughter, sister, friend, and Christaian that I want to be, that I know God wants me to be. I sin and disobey and cling to things in my life that are broken because they are “comfortable”. When God tells me, “throw those things out, they are not good for you, I have something better for you”, I ignore him. I look past those holes because grabbing a hold of something new is scary. Sometimes new shoes leave blisters until they’re broken in you just have to get through that initial pain before they become your new favorite shoes. Sometimes it’s easier to put a patch on the holes in those old shoes than it is to risk the blister of the new ones. But God wants us to have new shoes. He wants us to be the very best that we can be and he wants us to remember that he’s there with us through that blistery transition period. I want to encourage you today to look at the holes in your own shoes. Those broken relationships, that self inflicted criticism, those judgements, those addictions. Lay that worn down pair of shoes at His feet and exchange them for a shiny new pair. Exchange them for healing. Remember, they won’t feel perfect the second you put them on for the first time. They’ll be stiff and may cause blisters and that’s okay. It’s just part of the process.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. psalm 147:3

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/03/01/holes-in-my-shoes/feed/0img_9267dysfunctionaldomesticdiva2013img_9267Moms like me-Lori Latchhttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/02/21/moms-like-me-lori-latch/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/02/21/moms-like-me-lori-latch/#respondSun, 21 Feb 2016 07:20:26 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1200Continue reading Moms like me-Lori Latch]]>I’ve had this idea in my head for quite sometime and I’ve decided it’s finally time to execute it. I’ve been long troubled about the pressures we place on ourselves as mothers and the comparison game. It’s easy to look at someone’s posts on social media and their lives from the outside and think they’ve got it all figured out. In reality, they’re probably just as lost as the rest of us. So readers, I introduce to you a new monthly segment called “Moms like me”. In this segment, I’ll provide a glimpse into the lives of moms who are just like me and you. Stay at home moms, work from home moms, workforce moms all with 7 plates spinning in the air at once. Although I’ve got a few willing participants on my list, I’ve decided to start with myself to break the ice. Yeah, I interviewed myself, because I’m cool like that!

Tell us a little about yourself, like the cliff notes version:Welp, my name is Lorianne Latch but most folks just call me Lori. I’m a 32 year old Texas gal with a big heart, a deep love for Jesus, and all things artsy. I’ve been in the photography business for about 6 years now and am still learning more about it every day. I’ve got a good lookin’ hubby, 3 gorgeous girls, and a rambunctious yorkie poo named Sadie.

What about your other half?Been married to Dave for going on 8 years now. He’s truly become my best friend. We’re pretty much always goofing off and laughing together.

Let’s meet the kiddos: I’ve got 3 of them. All girls. Yeah, I know, we’ve totally got our work cut out for us.

P is 11. She’s big hearted and the easiest kid on the planet. Always has been. She’s my big helper and an amazing big sister. She’s my soccer star and my artist. I can always count on her.

T is 7. She’s goofy, smart, and loud. She’s caring and super sweet but will argue with a wall. She’s my cheerleader and my horse lover. She hopes to barrel race when she gets older.

A is 4. She goes about a mile a minute from the second she rises in the morning till she lays her head to sleep each night. Strong willed doesn’t even begin to describe her. She makes every day an adventure.

Early bird or night owl?Night owl. Definietly night owl.

What do you do after your kids go to bed?Stare at the wall in silence. For real though. The day is so busy and noisy that I need like 10 minutes to process it all when it’s finally quiet. If I’ve got sessions to edit, I usually do it when they’re sleeping and I can concentrate. Sometimes I color (yes, adults totally do that), read, or lounge in the recliner and peruse pinterest. When Dave is home, we watch movies and shows together.

Tell us what a typical weekday looks like for you:

I typically wake up about 6:30 and get the big girls ready for school.

I drop them off by 7:30 and try to get some time in the Word in before full on chaos ensues.

Tue/Thurs about 8:15 I wake the little one up, feed her, make her lunch, and get her ready for MDO.

After I drop her off at 9, I run errands if there are errands to be run. Grocery store, bank, dry cleaners, etc.

I then frolic home to do my chores like a good little housewife.

If Dave is home, sometimes we use the time to have a lunch date or something since we don’t get out without kids at night much.

I work on some continuing education classes I’ve got online for a couple of hours and then it’s time to start picking kids up.

After school snack, homework, and then it’s off to Cheer practice and soccer.

Home to quickly whip up dinner and feed everyone.

Then it’s bath, book, and bedtime for the kiddos!

(I tried to include some real life stuff here, which is tough when you’re the photographer! Thanks to my handy tripod and timed release shutter, I was able to get some pretty telling photos of the girls and I playing a game. Playing board games is one of our favorite things to do together. Even though I have like 8 chins and P looks like she was picking her nose(she was scratching the side of it actually), I posted them anyway. Why? Because the way A is being her sassy bossy self needs to be shared and the way T gets in your face to rub it in when she’s winning is legit)

Let’s talk about your business, how’d you get started and what’s the best thing about your job:I took an interest in photography in my high school photo journalism class and I’ve loved it ever since. I purchased my first dslr in 2009 as a way to mainly take photos of my kiddos. I started taking pictures for friends and family but really didn’t know what I was doing. I cringe when I look at some of those old photos. By 2010, I decided to make a business of it and launched Piece of Cake Photography. I was also making cakes at the time so the name went along with my cake business. I took a little hiatus after we moved 2 years ago but recently rebranded and relaunched as Lori Latch Photography and I’m super excited about all the new possibilities. (Like me on Facebook and follow me on Instagram). The absolute hands down best part about my “job” is meeting awesome new people and getting to see the world through the eyes of a child occasionally. I’ve gotten to share in some amazing moments from birthdays to weddings and have enjoyed watching some of my clients grow over the years.

What are your biggest challenges balancing your business and your family?Sometimes I’m so swamped with editing or a design project that I need to do it during my children’s waking hours. It becomes difficult when you’re interrupted repeatedly to get a snack, a drink, diffuse an argument, or doctor a boo boo. Some days are so busy I don’t have a single waking second to myself and I work into the wee hours of morning making sure my projects are client ready.

Do you ever feel like society underplays your job as a mom?All.the.time! Sometimes I feel like people think I stay home with my children because I didn’t have any other skills or because I wasn’t smart enough for a “real career”. That’s totally not the case. I stayed home because I felt like it’s what was best for my family and my children. If you think I don’t miss the adult interaction of my 8-5 you’re gravely mistaken. It’s a choice. A choice that I question daily.

What do you think about the pressures we put on ourselves and other mothers? I think it’s dreadful. Mom guilt, it’s real y’all! We’ve got the weight of the world on our shoulders and we are all so critical of ourselves and other mother’s too for that matter! If I feed my children anything less than farm raised organic meat and organic locally grown produce with fresh spring water I feel like a failure. We have this idea of what the perfect June Cleaver mother should look like with a perfectly clean home, fantastically delicious nutritious meals, and perfect hair and pearls and when we undoubtably fall short, we beat ourselves up. When other mothers don’t parent quite the same way we do, we judge.

What bit of encouragement would you offer other moms?You do you. Worry about what works best for your family and your busy lifestyle. Worrying about keeping up with your neighbor, your best friend, or that awesome mommy blogger you found on pinterest will only bring more stress to your life. Seriously, some days I make elaborate meals and play all day with my kids. Some days we do amazing art projects and things are all unicorns and rainbows and we post those things on social media for all to see. Other days, we run late , forget things, eat chef boyardee, and have meltdowns you don’t always see. Some days I have the patience of Job while others I yell at my kids and then feel so guilty I crawl in the fetal position and cry. The point is, if elaborate valentines, meals, and parties are your cup of tea, you do you. If they’re not, there is absolutely no shame in your game! I’ve got to make a more conscious effort to stop holding myself (and others) to some unrealistic standard. We’re all in this together!

*Are you a DFW area Mama who might like to be featured in a future Moms like me post? It’s easy and fun! I’ll email you a few questions similar to those above and then on a day that’s convenient for you, come snap some photos of you and your family both in a portrait like setting and your natural element. There’s absolutely no session charge and I’ll link your business page for your customers and mine! Let’s support each other’s businesses ladies and encourage other mamas too! I’m looking for work from home mamas, business owner mamas, working moms, and stay at home moms married or single. It takes a village!*

]]>https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/02/21/moms-like-me-lori-latch/feed/0blogmepdysfunctionaldomesticdiva2013blogmep.jpg_POC5046p.jpg_POC5148p.jpg_POC5155p.jpg_POC5173p.jpg_POC5208p.jpggameblog.jpgSheriff Callie Partyhttps://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/02/18/sheriff-callie-party/
https://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/2016/02/18/sheriff-callie-party/#respondThu, 18 Feb 2016 21:28:54 +0000http://diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com/?p=1118Continue reading Sheriff Callie Party]]>I know I’m a little behind on sharing A’s December birthday party but I figured while I’m on a roll, I may as well back track! She requested a Sheriff Callie party and I’m typically pretty opposed to character parties but I thought I could probably run with a cowgirl theme so I agreed. Of course our first step was to snap some photos for her invitations. I stumbled upon the cutest little flea market outside of town that looked like a mini old west town from the outside so we loaded up and took advantage of the scenery.

I designed a quick and colorful invitation in photoshop and sent it off to my print company. The above photo was the back and the front was this:

We used our trusty ole tablecloth trick to transform our garage into the ole west. We picked a blue color to look like sky and my mother had the idea to use cotton to make clouds. The result was pretty adorable! I knew early on that I wanted to make an old west town out of appliance boxes for the party so I called me local Lowe’s and asked them to save me a few refrigerator and washer/dryer boxes. They called within days saying they had a few and we went to work cutting and painting them. We made a bank, Ella’s saloon, Uncle Bun’s store, and of course the Sheriff’s station and jail. I had my husband cut a walkway between a refrigerator box and a dryer box so that we could connect them. That way when the Sheriff had to throw someone in jail, they had to go through the station door. We used a box cutter to make the bars and tin foil to give them a metallic look.

We took pictures of her stuffed animals and added them to wanted posters in photoshop then printed them in sepia tone and taped them inside the sheriff’s station and the outside door. I used scrapbook paper that looked like old distressed wood from Hobby Lobby for the bank and sheriff’s station doors. We bought fake money at dollar tree for the kids to play with in the bank, plastic cups and pitcher (also from dollar tree) for the saloon, and brought out some play kitchen foods and shopping bags for the general store. It’s amazing how much fun kids can have in cardboard boxes!

As our guests arrived, we got them all fitted in bandanas, cowboy hats, and deputy badges. We got the foam hats in black and brown at dollar tree and the bandanas at Hobby Lobby. Because they were so large and the majority of our guests were under 5, we cut each bandana into 4th’s. This was cost efficient and they fit much better on little ones. The deputy badges came from Hobby Lobby as well. We also gave each guest a little drawstring canvas bag from oriental trading to keep their gold nuggets in from the panning for gold station.

Because our party was in the afternoon, we served sweet snacks rather than an actual meal. We choose flavored popcorns from a local gourmet popcorn shop and put them in little cow print favor bags from Hobby Lobby. We also made s’more pops by putting large marshmallows on a skewer, dipping them in melting chocolates, and then covering in sprinkles. These were a huge hit as were the chocolate coins. I raided our American Girl collection and thought this Our Generation horse stable was the perfect addition to our table. We used it to hang onto our snacks.

I found those awesome fabric garlands on clearance at Michael’s for around $3 each and knew I couldn’t pass them up. We found the tissue fans at Dollar Tree for an extra pop of color.

Kids colored Sheriff Callie sheets and “roasted” their marshmallows over the “fire”. I found that adorable inflatable campfire at oriental trading and it was a big hit! I printed the coloring sheets directly from the disney jr. website.

My niece, nephew, and girls tried out the panning for gold station before the party started. For quality assurance purposes of course. To make this, we purchased a small bag of decorative rocks from Dollar Tree and spray painted them gold. We then took a large long plastic bin and filled it with sand purchased from Home Depot and sprinkled the “golden nuggets” all around burying them in the sand. We added water to the top and added some shovels and other sand toys we already had. We used foil pie tins which we hammered holes into the bottom so the kids could scoop and sift. Whatever nuggets they found, they got to take home in their little pouches. There was a steady flow of children here the whole party. HUGE hit even with the older kids!

Another huge hit was the Photo Booth area. To make this, I just took an image of a wanted poster I found online (I’ll link it if I can find it again) and enlarged it in photoshop. I then printed it off in quarter sections. We cut it out, burned the edges with a lighter to give it an aged look and then glued it to a piece of cardboard that was left over from our cardboard box town renovations. We used a box cutter to cut out the center and thumb tacks to secure the edges and look like fancy nails. We used a long thick piece of leftover cardboard to create a stand and then placed it in a small bucket filled with sand and rocks to steady it. The kids had fun with this but honestly, I think the adults had more fun with it! haha

Unfortunately, in my haste, I forgot to photograph the other 2 activity stations we had but they were inexpensive and simple and kept the kids busy the whole party long. We took a stick horse from our playroom and stuck it in the yard by digging a small hole for the stick. We set out hula hoops we already had and let kids try their hand at “lassoing” the horse. It was sort of like a ring toss on a bigger scale. We also had buckets which I had decorated with pictures of boots I had printed and colored. We purchased plush snakes from the dollar tree and kids had to try and toss the snake in the boot. We called it the “there’s a snake in my boot” game. Because we’re witty like that!

The Sheriff and all her little pals had a great time and those darn boxes stayed in our garage for a month because we couldn’t bring ourselves to toss them! lol