Pounds 1m postal order won't buy Games

ONCE upon a wintertime, if a Christmas card arrived in January, you could be sure it had been sent as an afterthought, posted only in hasty response to the one you had sent in the opposite direction.

Not any longer. Among all our New Year junk mail are not only a belated batch of seasonal greetings but a couple of invitations to the parties from which we had felt left out in December, as well as a few reminders to pay bills which we have not yet received.

There is also a letter from the boss of Royal Mail.

Allan Leighton - the chairman, no less - writes: 'Dear Customer, I would like to apologise personally to you for the delay in getting your post due to the recent unofficial action in your area.' So far - if not strictly grammatical - so good. Then comes the sting: 'We are sorry that our customer compensation scheme does not apply when services are disrupted due to industrial action.' So now we knew why the letter had been written. To get Mr and Mrs Angry and all the little Angries off his back.

Nor had Mr Leighton finished buttering us up.

He and his spin doctors have come up with a wheeze which they presume will make us all feel much better about the 'inconvenience' of receiving our mail about as regularly as Stone Age cave dwellers.

'We have decided to make a gesture of goodwill on behalf of all our customers, ' Leighton waxes on. 'We plan to make a Pounds 1million donation towards London's bid to host the 2012 Olympic Games.' Wow! What a gesture! One, no doubt, which our poor, wet, cold yet dedicated postie appreciates much more than a New Year bonus.

And what consolation this will be for all the small businesses upon whom bankruptcy arrived while the cheques were in the post.

What makes Royal Mail suppose that everyone in London wants the capital to host the Olympics anyway?

I suspect the majority of the residents of this great city do not believe another white elephant in east London - Blair Dome II - amounts to billions better spent than they would be on efficient transport, fully- equipped hospitals and modern schools staffed by the finest teachers.

Not to mention next-morning delivery of first- class mail.

However, Mr Leighton remains as eager as Mr Blair to jump on the sporting bandwagon. At our expense, of course.

He dreams up his Pounds 1m Olympic donation even as the Prime Minister throws a party at No.10 for England's rugby World Cup winners.

Mr Blair never knowingly misses a photo-opportunity, be it with Sir Clive Woodward and Jonny Wilkinson, Mr and Mrs Beckham, Redgrave and Pinsent or anyone else with a claim on the affections of the sports-loving population.

Unfortunately, his enthusiasm is not equalled by New Labour's investment in sporting facilities.

Rather, even as most of our track and field athletes are falling further and further off the pace, they close down playing fields and permit them to be concreted over.

Now the head postman joins the Prime Minister in seeking to bask in reflected Olympic glory. More likely it will be egg on their faces - and more of our money down the drains which no longer seem able to prevent the streets of London from flooding after a sharp shower.

If London does get the 2012 Games, we can be certain of only one thing: our tickets will be in the post.