It’s My Birthday!

Today I turn thirty-five, so I would like to officially announce my candidacy for President of The United States! Just kidding. I actually have much simpler aspirations for my first day as a thirty-five year old – to take it easy, eat some good food, and maybe catch a movie. No matter what happens, however, it is sure to be better than my eleventh.

That year on my birthday I invited some kids from my class to go see a Golden State Warriors basketball game. First, however, we met at my house to eat pizza and open presents. The presents were pretty lackluster except for one – a thirty dollar gift certificate to Toys R’ Us that this kid, Greenberg, gave me. Hot damn, I thought! Thirty bucks to buy whatever I wanted! I could not wait to make the trip to the toy store the next day.

Except I didn’t get to.

When I got home from the game that night I opened the card from Greenberg to find that the gift certificate was gone! I searched everywhere for it – I even dug through our pizza crust crammed trash – but sadly the certificate was nowhere to be found. I felt terrible. Not only because I wouldn’t get to go on a shopping spree, but also because I didn’t know what I was going to tell poor Greenberg when he asked me what I bought with the certificate.

For years I was haunted by my bonehead loss of the gift certificate – until last year when my dad pulled out some family videos. My Dad and I, along with my sister, Monica, watched these videos for a good hour or two until footage from my eleventh birthday appeared. I cringed as my eleven-year-old self opened the card from Greenberg, then looked out the window, unable to watch.

“Woah!” Monica suddenly yelled. “Did you see that?” She rewound the video and hit play.

“Here,” she said as she pointed to Greenberg in the corner of the screen. “Watch this kid!”

I watched Greenberg as my sister instructed, and what I saw blew my mind. Greenberg, after my eleven-year-old self had moved on to the next gift, subtly opened the card he gave me, pulled out the gift certificate, and pocketed it!

Talk about solving a cold case. The crazy thing is I had watched that video at least a dozen times previously but had never noticed the crime. In any event, today I take solace in knowing it wasn’t my fault…but Greenberg, if you’re reading this, I want my damn gift certificate back – with interest!

Kerri says:

Happy birthday, Mike! And oh my gosh, is that hilarious! I love that you caught it on tape. I was fully expecting you to say that another boy had taken it…not the freaking one that had given it to you. Too funny, although not when you’re 11, I’m sure. Condolences to 11 year-old Mike, and kudos to 35 year-old one for solving the mystery. I guess the kudos go to Monica, huh?

Kristin says:

Wow that was crazy what a little brat if want my gift back plus intrest too. Maybe we should Google him and find his 35 year old self and get you gift card haha. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing birthday!

I had a similar thing happen at my daughter’s 7th birthday two weeks ago! While we were building our bears (at Build A Bear), some strange kid was going through her freakin’ presents! Behind the store counter! WTF!

Maria says:

When I was 11 some punk stole my rice krispie treat out of my lunch for an entire week at vbs. Grrrrr….I still fume about it. I’m glad you solved the great gift card mystery though…nice work and happy birthday, mike!

Elizabeth says:

Tia says:

Wow, something like that happened to me a few years ago! My parents gave me a gift card and it just vanished. I searched the garbage and everything. And here I thought they loved me!
Happy Birthday Mike! Let me know how 35 treats ya, because I have just over a month before mine
And btw, you totally share a birthday with my mom!

OMG, that little jerk! (I would like to call him something that starts with a “b” and ends with an “astard”, but I’m sure he grew up to be a perfectly nice person. Oh, who am I kidding, he’s probably still a hooligan!)

Happy Birthday Mike! (well belated now cause I just read this today)
I hope you had an awesome day and that no one teefed your birthday presents this year. Thats hilarious that you figured that out to many years later. I hope you had an amazing day with your special ladies

I don’t think you could find him on facebook…I’m pretty sure they don’t have facebook in PRISON!
Happy, happy birthday, Mike! I hope you get tons of presents that are way more badass than a toys r us gift card!

Emese says:

About half way through you story I thought…hmm one of those little bastards probably stole it when you weren’t looking. I didn’t, however, think it was the gifter… no wonder he never asked you how you spent it.
Anyway.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Mary says:

Rachel says:

My first thought was I wonder what his parents thought when he mysteriously showed up with $30 to Toys R Us, or the toys you could buy with that amount of $$… and “way back then” that was a lot of $$. I don’t gift that much for my kid’s friends bdays! My second thought was the parents probably didn’t question it or care, which is sad… Third thought was maybe the parents taught him to do it, which is even sadder! (We’ll put this awesome gift in a card so bday kid thinks we’re awesome, then take it back so we’re not out any $$.)
Then after I read all the comments on him being a burgler or thief now, I thought I wonder if he works as a cleaner for an airline and steals laptops or other personal belongings left behind on airplanes. Sorry to bring that up again but it’s still bugging me that the airline didn’t find Heather’s laptop!
All this long rambling & I’ll end with Happy Birthday!

I have the worst personality in terms of righteous indignation and mine is up in arms over this story. Kids are mean though so it doesn’t surprise. Good to know you have nothing to feel guilty over anymore though!

Kim says:

Melissa says:

MIKE! It’s MY 35th birthday today, too! My worst birthday was 1992-I had to make my own dinner (mac and cheese) and never got a card or cake from my parents. Who knows what happened (I’m sure I’m forgetting some illness that had my parents down, or something).

Melissa says:

Also? (and this may just be me, but) Don’t you hate how few celebrity December 9th birthdays there are? Donnie Osmond, John Malkovich and Kirk Douglas. Although, I just perused IMDB and there are more than I thought…

Jeni Couassi says:

Thats so messed up but on a better note… HAPPY BIRTHDAY HEATHER!! You share a birthday with my 3 year old daughter as well as my sister-in-law!! Must be a day for smart people to be born!!! Happy birthday again!!