Monday, January 17, 2011

movin' forward

it's so hard to be honest with ourselves.i would say i can only speak for myself....which is true...but i'm pretty sure this is the case for most of us as i watchit around me a fair amount.

we THINK we're being honest with ourselves.we THINK we're looking at stuff clearly,but ohmygosh, sometimes we are SO NOT.

a lot of the motivation might have to do with that deep inner desireto not rock the boat.

to keep things 'moving forward.'

how on earth did we come up with the idea that not rockingthe boat kept things moving forward?

i had one of these moments not too long ago.fortunately, i'm blessed with some very straight shooting friends.

as i was trying to not rock my own boat, i totally stuffeddown my truth. but i didn't really notice that as i was justthinking i was 'moving forward.' keeping things smooth andmoving forward.

one of my friends gave me one of those slaps in the face.'what are you doin'??? what happened to speaking your truth??'

i have to laugh thinking of that moment.god forbid i ever have subtle friends.this in your face stuff really works for me.

and so i looked, saw the truth of what she was sayin, and rockedmy boat a bit.

this whole 'moving forward' phrase has me thinking.

maybe it would be a really good idea to figure out what exactlywe mean by that.

do we mean moving forward as in growth and becoming more of whowe want to be? or do we mean that the boat doesn't rock for a bit,it gives us a bit of a relief, and that we're gonna take that asa positive and fake ourselves into believing it's growth?

that's on my mind this morning.

i don't think growth always has to be rocking the boat.but i'm pretty sure stuffing your truth down so the boat doesn'trock isn't growth.

and for me, it's quite a challenge to really see what exactlyit is that i'm doin'.

My having friends that aren't subtle has been one of the most helpful things in my life and has brought out a strength in me. At first meeting I was intimidated but then I came to appreciate their openness and honesty instead of it being "mean or sharp" which was my fear. Now, after many years, the ME that speaks is from within and real = not what I think people want to hear. So when I continue to read your words....I know what you say and I'm glad I read on. Thanks, Jennifer

A straight-shooting friend once sent me a Mary Englebreit card that said "Snap out of it" on the front. I never got to the words inside because I was so hurt and angry. I think the card was meant to "snap" me out of my depression, but it backfired big time. I wasn't ready for someone to tell me what was right for me from thousands of miles away.

I appreciate honesty but like nasty tasting medicine I need mine mixed with a little sugar.

the challenge of living

“to allow the sorrow and weight of life and yet to dance with an easy and open heart. to ache in your darkest depths and yet to laugh from your light filled center. to know the reality of humanity and yet to believe in the magic of the stars. to act with love in the middle of the fear and to hold each moment as the gift that it is. this is the challenge of living.”

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'turns out she was beautiful all along -'

slam

“slam the door, i'll open a window. close my window, i'll find a crack in the wall. caulk the opening in the wall - i'll bust thru the bricks - because i'm not a victim anymore”

it was hers

“they took. they invaded. they pushed. they violated. in so many different ways. a lifetime of pushes and takings and making her feel less than valuable. sitting back, she began to see it. how it had gone on and on. and in seeing it, she began to realize - it was up to her now to shout, to whisper, to sing, to move and to believe in her value. no more taking that from her. it was hers. no more giving it away. it was hers. proudly, with strength and with knowing, she held it. she lived it. she became it.”

the whole

“she could never go back and make some of the details pretty. all she could do was move forward and make the whole beautiful.”

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i am

“to lose myself in the dance so much so that love will entangle my bones in its roots, courage will embrace the ashes and wisdom will understand that it's all part of the dance. this is mine for the taking. i pray my hands will grasp it, my heart will open to it, and i will know that i am the dance.”

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Wanting to learn how to dance not only through life, but with life, and understanding that the dancing came from within, Terri began a search inside herself. This book is an account of some of terri's searching and wanderings.

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“it was when she first dared to see her truth that the winds howled. after a time, it strengthened her and she spoke her truth and the earth shook. and when finally, she believed her truth - the stars rejoiced, the universe opened, and even her bones sang her song: I Matter!”

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“who do i thank for her? the stars? the universe? she herself? none of these thanks seem enough for such a gift as having her in my life.”

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“if i could teach you anything- it would be to hear your heart, and know your beauty and to believe in your possibilities”

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“lifting the cover of shame and self doubt, she dropped it on the ground. stepping into the light she slowly lifted her head. this is who i am. and i am here. and i am enough. the light warmed her face and her heart.”

voices

“the pull was calling again. so strongly it called her. no. she didn't want to answer it... and yet.... she stalled. give it enough time. it will pass. "stall." she told herself. "you can do it." the voices in her head going back and forth, the struggle intense, the moments magnified. and then slowly the call weakened. the spirit strengthened. she stepped forward with relief and pride. she was moving on ~ with an even stronger spirit and a stronger body.”

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she fell

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“weeping tears of recognition she found herself among the ruins and brought herself back to life.”

a gift

“she was a gift. she understood that now. she lived that now. in offering herself to those who valued her, and leaving the others to themselves, she grew. and the gift deepened...”

a new life

“and a new life arrives. possibility is born. may we wrap your heart in gentleness and give you wings of light as you blossom into you. welcome, little one, welcome.”

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“when things were hard and when it hurt, she closed her eyes - searching for the light inside. slowly, it brightened enough for her to see it. quietly, she felt it - touched it - held it. and steadily it warmed her and softened her once again.”

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“don't wait for it. know it's there already. don't stop to feel it. move in its flow without thinking. don't test the wind... just lift your wings - and leap!”

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from the stars

“she came from the stars. it was her job to remember that, to hold that, and to honor that.”