Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Too much thinking...

Well not happy ! Woke up this morning and jumped on the scales...and am up 400 grams. After showing a loss of 1.4 kilos a few days ago i wasnt impressed. So i didnt go to ww i just cant bring myself to go when I know i am going to have a loss. So now my brain is in overdrive over a few things...one is i am now noticing since i have returned every second week i am having a gain. Which makes no sense to me. I did everything i should yesterda...drank 1.8 litres of water...the only thing i can think was different is i had a focacia and didnt realise till after it had some type of mustard flavoured sauce on it...by the time i ate it the cafeteria at work was closed so i couldnt even ask to see the bottle to see what was in it (suspect it prolly wasnt good cos it was yummy lol)...now my brain is like the only other thing i ate that i ahvent eaten over the last few weeks is yesterday morning i ate crumpets. (only 2) so after i weighed in i went to my emails and there was a email from ajay from the healthybodyclub asking for a survey to be done and then i decided out of curiousity to look at her site (the site i previously looked at that was $160 to join) so i nosied around and saw she had a 3 month membership for $22 and so thought bugger it ill join...so there is a introuductory after you sign up of things she suggests and of course she suggests exercise...including cardio & weight bearing...so now my brain is thinking and prolly over thinking...i am so scared of gyms due to the fact ive never had success with them...i think if i went and i lost it would be a different story...now im glad i quit fernwood it was way too expensive ($280 a month !) but there is a contours that is a 10 minute walk if that from my place that im now starting to think maybe i should consider...its only $59 a month big difference and from what i see on their sites theres bikes and treadmills as well as the weights...but there is a part of me that would be scared that going to a gym would COMPLETELY stall me...then i think maybe i should hire a treadmill...but theyre not small contraptiions and i really dont have the room for one. so now my head is in a state of confusion,,,and then again maybe i should just accept that every 2nd week ill have a gain? I mean bottom line i am doing much better then i have for a long time with not losing every week im not throwing the towel in...im actually liking drinking water lately and downing it easily...im eating vegetable soup each day...okies me and my over thinking brain are out of here ! enjoy all !

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Its later now and i am in think overdrive still lol...im starting to realise i wanna embrace this...when i think about it my food is good...im really eating well...better then ever....my water intake has always sucked but its so good now...i truly am finding it so easy to down 1.2-1.8 litres a day...but my daily activity hasnt changed...exercise hasnt been there...and even my days have encompassed sitting on the lounge more then anything...i need and more importantly want to embrace the whole change which i havent before...i know i need to do this now....and i need to not jsut with exercise but with my day i run my day need to be more active...doing more...cutting back on my time online i suspect...but more so then think i need to stop being lazy or sitting on the internet or whatever i need to focus on what i am going to DO...on the positive things even if they dont feel positive. Lately life has started to feel very much like work...eat...sleep and thats about it....nothing to feel excited about .... its all very ho hum...so i do need to get some excitement back in my life...maybe joining contours is the way to go as i would at least meet local people as well as being doing something thats not just eat sleep and work...okies more to think about off to work for now !

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Gawd im back again can you believe it? My brain is seriously in overdrive today. Ive spent a fair bit of time on the the healthybodyclub.com today and must admit i am impressed with it...their forums chit all over the ww forums...not only do they stick to the topic of weight loss they have lots of experts on the forums...they have a psychologist, fitness trainer and dietician that ajay has on staff that answer queries. So anyway i posted on their about my dilemas on the exercise one...someone answered and said i should be eating about 2000 calories based on my stats...(which is how much the biggest loser club told me i should be eating too incidently) so whilst today i was under 27 points....when i put it into their diary system it came up as just over 2300 calories...it also breaks it up and shows you what proportion is carbs - protein and fats and nearly 1000 calories i have eaten today has been carbs ! They also suggest to try walking 30 minutes per day initially so i think i will start doing that.

My brain is also in overdrive about something else...which i wasnt gonna post but i need to make sense of it. I live alone...and as most know i go into chat. Now .... there is definitely a aspect of my life that is lonely and the living alone compounded with doing crazy shift work really does make it hard to meet people. So in a sense i do really on my chat program....in it i have numerous friends...and i do get some enjoyment from it...anyway quite a few months ago i met someone on their who wasnt local. We would chat...i found her easy to chat with and all was good...i liked her and liked her company. Anyway late last week...she told me she has a "interest" in me...is keen to know me better...i was like...well ok...yeh sure we can get to know each other better....i didnt really see any harm in it...yes its not someone who is here in my real (but lets face it long time since i have had someone in my real) but yanno its some companionship except the fact that i now feel like somethings wrong...and i know im gonna now need to tell her...ok your nice and all but thats that...which is fine im not after some relationship online but it does make me wonder why i get like that? Have i hermitted myself so much and become so independent that being close to someone scares the bejeezus out of me? I mean since ang ive not been close to anyone online or in real...so...i dunno...its a weird feeling and not a feeling i like....okies seriously no more posting today ! off to do some more work ! lol