Hi guys. I look forward to this journey, but it's a confusing one so far. A week ago I found myself downtown with a lot of sudden free time on my hands, and no Smartphone or internet nearby. Armed with more glowing first-person accounts than actual education, I bought a Progasm. I thought there's no way something can promise the moon and not vibrate, right? It would have to do some of the "work" for you, right? Wrong. It seems I've taken on a project.

Here's some of what I would like you to know about me. I'm 16, gay, and living in the Czech Republic. (This is already my 3rd country of residence and 6th language -- yuck!) I was sexually abused as a preschooler by a family member who committed suicide when I was 11. There was a lot of fear and the feeling that "this is terribly wrong", but I don't remember any physical pain, thank goodness. I already have a great deal of experience with numerous sex partners. (Sexualized at an early age, you see.) I can have occasional, rippling, flutter-bang prostate orgasms, but these have been exclusively the result of frontal stimulation, and more likely to happen when I am alone. They can go on for about two minutes, and they're sensational.

The part that I'm becoming more embarrassed about than the sexual abuse is this: I am quite well endowed. One boyfriend measured me at 21 centimetres long and 17 centimetres around. In a resting state, I am 17x13. I don't give a shit about size, I'm not particularly attracted to size, and I only let him measure me because he isn't really either. But we split because he also had to move to another country. It seems to matter to almost everybody else in my life, whether they're gay or straight. It definitely mattered to the uncle who abused me. His was kind of deformed due to circumcision. The doctor basically left him with a glans. Every gay guy I meet wants me up their ass or in their mouth, and I want to stand up to them and say, "Hey! I have an ass too, and it needs you to work it over!" I need something more. One day I may decide I'm actually more of a bottom.

I'm pursuing a career in professional tennis, so locker rooms are not optional for me. Some of the guys are cruel. My brother competes as well, and we're virtually the same size down there, but I get the shit because he's seven inches taller and fifty pounds heavier. It's the optical illusion when we're together that freaks people out. I get lots of erections around them even though I keep to myself because, you know, we're all young and they look really sexy! My parents have been excellent in helping me understand that they feel a combination of envy, intimidation, and homophobia towards me. One American kid waited until I had my head under the shower washing out shampoo suds from my hair and face, then yanked on my dick so hard that I slipped and dislocated my patella. To make matters worse, the final was supposed to be the next day, and he was going to be my opponent. I'm told it's the only time in the history of the greater umbrella organization that the tournament referee awarded the trophy to someone who defaulted for reasons of bullying and assault. Let's just say I probably don't have to worry about ever seeing that kid anymore. But that's not how I want to win in tennis.

But because of all of this crap, I don't feel safe in my own skin, and I probably have to re-train my body to enjoy some of what sex has to offer. I identify with a couple of the Aneros testimonials from beginners who say "the device sucks itself in, and then nothing happens". The Progasm, unlike most Aneros devices has an insertion handle the same size and shape as the perineum knob. Because my first two sessions have been aided only by frontal masturbation, My first session never rose above the level of "interesting" when I was lying on my back, and rocking the rear knob against my tailbone. The second time, I could actually feel myself clenching and letting go in varied rhythm. Definitely a couple of mini O's. Hey, I'm a beginner! I'm nowhere near my desired results, but I'm very motivated. Let's just see if I can relax long enough. I pray that I find the patience, skills, and mindset for the coveted Super O! Wish me luck. And I wish great success to all of you too.

Welcome to Aneros, antodvyn. You are a remarkable young man. Lots of life experience in those few years. I, too, was sexualized starting when I was 6 or 7, by two of my brothers, the one 6 years older more than me than the one 3. When pre-pubecent kids experience this some of us become addicted to sex at that early age, which is normally a latent sexual stage. This is probably worse today with the media, etc. I now consider myself agnostic, but was born into a Catholic family. I think religion guided me to get some safeguards to getting into involved sexually, but I think it did me more harm than good, especially in the area of sexuality. Shame or guilt has never been an issue with me, but I do think the fears I have of getting involved sexually have partly come from religion. I have known my attraction to men as long as I can remember, but have never acted out on them, and the desire has increased with time.

As for Aneros, you are so correct that it can take a long time to experience pleasure, but it is so worth the effort, so I like to encourage newbies to persevere. I doubt many have started with the Progasm, usually with the smaller models. With your experience it may well serve you well. I had some dildo experience, that I think helped me, as well as Kegel exercises for years before. However, it did take months before it really started to take effect. Getting rewired to prostate sensitivity from penis pleasure that we are habituated to, can be quite a task. By the way, I can't imagine men not wanting to give you the pleasure you want, at least in exchange for what you have to give them. Not the correct men obviously. Sorry we are so far away from each other! I wish you well on your journey.Paul

I have a friend who was "abused" as a child. As an adult, he was until recently a psychiatric nurse, and one week he had to have some training about abuse. In the middle came the realisation - "I was abused" - he said to himself - he hadn't actually realised this, because he said that he'd rather enjoyed it, and had enjoyed the "feeling of power" this had given him. His parents apparently knew, but rather than gettng all upset and angry, they rather calmly thought they wouldn't make a big thing out of it (at least not in front of him) and the legacy was that he'd not developed a victim mentality over this. Apparently, children always get the cues about how to behave and react from older people around them. Perhaps this was similar for you?

Well, you have a terrible problem there - a huge cock. There are lots of gay men out there, who would die for that, and probably a lot of the ostensibly straight ones as well. One thing though - children are often heartless and cruel, and anyone who sticks out (no pun intended) will find that they are the focus of this. You are 16 now, time to move on I think. As for wanting to be the "bottom" for a change - I can relate to that, The fact is that many gay men watch far too much porn and this will mean that you'll have quite a task to get them to act off-script - they always seem to want the guy with the big cock to fuck them - I think they think, the bigger it is, the more pleasure they will get - WRONG!

I am mercifully without any religeous angst, but am only too aware that it can cause an immense amount of upset to what I would call, normal, healthy sexual development. In my opinion, sexual development has a set of direct and indirect impacts on how we relate to the world, and it to us. We must make our own way in the world, and although it may not be easy, it is perhaps best to try to disregard the opinions of others who fear their sexuality. Time to move on again.

I have found my aneros journey to be incredibly pleasureable as well as a massive revelation about male sexuality generally. I haven't achieved a super-O yet, and I am not all that bothered because what I have achieved has already given me so much. It has for instance focussed my attention on the erotic and sensual, rather than just on sexual acts, and in turn it has altered for the better, how I feel about sex with my gay partner, and also my other existing and potential sexual partners - not that there are all that many. This is an incredible "journey" for those with their eyes open enough to perceive it. Good luck to you in this, and best wishes for dealing with all the "crap" that has been aimed at you thus far in your short life.

It[Aneros] has for instance focussed my attention on the erotic and sensual, rather than just on sexual acts...." Excellent point, Linum. I think males, and perhaps some women, tend to go right to the end of the contiuum from sensual to penile orgasm. In fact i think some want nothing to do with the sensual. I am very affectionate and luv touch, massage, hugs, kisses, and some, usually bi, guys want none of that from a man., just the sex.

I was starting to think I just wasn't very good at this, until I purchased a 2nd product. I hope the censors won't come out of the forest if I say it's not an Aneros product. It probably is, however, a ripoff of one! The name is very similar to one Aneros model (Euphoria), and the shape is extremely similar to, well, some of them, but not the Progasm.

I purchased this partially for the reduced size and tapered conical shape. By contrast, the Progasm looks like an old, dome-shaped incandescent light bulb, and the diameter differential is probably 3:1 on appearances alone. This one actually looks like it's trying to target my prostate rather than just fill up my ass. I should also add that I don't have problems per se inserting the Progasm. I've had thicker penises than the Progasm in there, and one was a good deal longer than mine, and I could take him right down to the end. It requires patience to insert, but I don't experience pain with the Progasm.

And the results with this new non-Aneros were immediately better. I didn't have to feel like I was super-skilled at breathing in order to feel ever greater levels of success. The breathing patterns just sort of happened because of the other good things going on. I surely have a few things to learn about relaxation -- I have Attention Deficit Disorder, and a wandering mind is sort of a headline for me at the best of times.

But wow, definitely better results. My prostate is getting a warm hug (from a pointy source?) now instead of a diffuse jab. I am getting rewired, but I'm still guilty of ending the session with frontal masturbation, the only way I know how. The pleasure definitely spreads through my body moreso now, and I'm much more motivated to reach the Super O. The only catch is that it leaves me wired rather than ready for sleep, the way ejaculation alone does. They say that sexual pleasure makes you experience more of the emotions you already experience, and I'm still working my way through that.

I was starting to think that at 16, I had experienced everything sex had to offer with a wide array of partners, and was starting to get bored of it. How sad! And now I feel like it's just the beginning . . .

An amazing life already and you seem to be developing from it very well!! I think you would be wise to add an authentic Aneros Eupho to your quiver as soon as you can. It is the model that more men here report as the one that takes you to the higher wider ecstatic realms, as well as being a great assist in your rewiring given your extensive anal experience.

On the other hand, I began a continuous solo prostate massage practice at age 13 and had a gay exploratory relationship with a friend from age 17 to 19+, and bottomed as well as topped. When I started with Aneros around 60, it still took me some months to have my body react to the specific aneros contact points and actions to get the specific Aneros rewiring accomplished.

That has enabled me to restructure the muscle and mental memories of those earlier experiences into the capacity to experience now the astounding variants of dry multiple orgasms and both Active Body and Still Body Super-Os, as well as the full spectrum of orgasmic energies that add directly to our life-force and ascend in into spiritual realms above and beyond!!!~~~~~~~~~~~

Your choices now will affect your timing and depth of results as your journey unfolds! All the very best!!

My sex drive is entirely fucked up recently. I have frontal orgasms that aren't anywhere near good enough. And anally? I basically feel nothing.

I still don't feel like a "victim" of sexual abuse. I just feel like it happened, but maybe there's energy trapped somewhere, wanting to get out. I wouldn't say I'm depressed or anxious. I'm just not prioritizing like I should. I still enjoy working hard, but my tennis game has lost all creativity. I need something new, and so I'm going to start seeing a counsellor . . . provided he doesn't need me to be a victim either.

So far I haven't enjoyed reading all of your wonderful posts and helpful information like I thought I would. And I am debating a transparent change of username.

antodvyn - with sex and masturbation, as with the aneros, you get what you get. If it doesn't come up to your expectations then you may have the problem of having too many expectations, or ones that are too high. There is no "should be" or "right way" - we have to find your own route through all of this. The fact that others conspire to give the impression that there is one correct way is their problem not ours. Getting stressed about not performing up to one's expectations is a classic way of developing a negative feedback loop that will adversely affect your sexual performance and pleasure.

If you don't have a problem with what happened to you in the past, then it is NOT a problem. I re-read the posts above, and didn't think anyone here has suggested that you become the victim - actually far from it, although reading between the lines of what you wrote it seems that someone else has - "... provided he doesn't want me to become the victim either". You did bring it up in your opening post, and I think that guys here have dealt with that is a positive way, rather than just sweeping it under the carpet and pretending that it didn't happen.

A councillor might be useful about these other problems - but I share your reservations about them possibly having their own agenda, although if they were being absolutely professional, they would not. Have you tried writing down how you feel, perhaps in a diary? Nobody has to see what you write, you could address it to an imaginary third party. I find that writing slows down my thought processes, enough at any rate, for me to be able to see things a little more clearly.

I am sorry that you "haven't enjoyed reading all of [our] wonderful posts and helpful information". I will say it again, since it won't hurt to repeat it ", if it doesn't come up to your expectations then you may have the problem of having too many expectations, or ones that are too high. All we can ever do is give our own thoughts and perspectives. No one will ever understand what it is to be you, although some might get close at times. I don't see what a change of username will achieve - but that is your choice.

I don't wish to appear at all ungrateful for your input, nor am I saying goodbye. I think I may have contributed to a few miscommunications here, all at once. I wrote that last post in a weaker moment, and I'm not used to feeling weak. So I probably didn't express myself very clearly.

When I said "transparent" username change, I meant I would consider a scenario in which I wouldn't go away or hide (like my abuser probably wanted me to), but perhaps an inversion of my two name fragments, like "dvynanto", as an homage to my mother's Baltic Finn side who listed surnames first. (I was born in Lithuania, moved to the hub of Canadian bilingualism in Montreal, and now the Czech Republic). Throw in some childhood Russian in another alphabet and I never feel like I'm adequately expressing myself! =)

When I wrote the phrase ". . . provided he doesn't want me to become the victim either", I was referring, not to the very kind and patient feedback I have received on this board (whose members, I'm sure, want to see me graduate from pettiness into ever deepening realms of joy and pleasure), but to certain members of the trauma-recovery intelligentsia in general. If tears can't be forced, how could they ever be necessary in order to recover from childhood sexual abuse? I consider myself a fairly rational person, at least as much in charge of my own destiny as most people. But that's the one thing I don't get. Why do I have to cry just because it's how someone else recovered? I don't judge myself when I cry. It's not a negative outcome, but why does this profession view it as a positive one? It just happens . . . or it doesn't. I'm not un-feeling because I can't or don't cry on most occasions where most other people would. And I don't want to be a smartass when I'm there, because I gather this kind of help is very much an emerging field in this part of the world.

The diary sounds like a good resource -- also to sort out what the difference is between a hope and an expectation, as it pertains to sexual pleasure. It's possible what I call "hope" or "being along for the ride" is actually more dangerous than that, but that's a distinction I'm going to have to sit with in order to sort it out.

I actually hope I can connect more with the men who use this product and this site. I just can't seem to do too much research into other people's results, or even to encourage. I'm used to being more gregarious than I have been here. I have read that some people struggle mightily with this. There must be some truth to the tempering expectations thing after all. But while you might say "keep your expectations in check", I must be afraid of having expectations at all.

antodvyn - I am not a councillor, therapist, or psychiatrist, but presupposing an outcome (crying) as you have stated, seems like "putting the cart before the horse". I understand that some people might get a release from such therapy, but not all, especially if you don't think you have a problem in the first place. It does sound as if they are hijacking your concerns and replacing them with some of their own.

I am glad that we haven't offended or upset you in this forum, and that you feel we are trying to be positive. I understand too, the impact of having several languages milling around in one's head has on the ability to express oneself. My partner has just 2 languages, and often finds it hard to get to the nub of what he wants to say, despite being otherwise very intelligent.

Go with the diary idea. In mine, I don't feel obliged to make an entry every day, but if something significant happens or I think of something that seems important, I enjoy writing it down. Since I am writing to an imaginary non-judgemental third party, I can write the unedited version, expressing intimate details as well as hopes and fears. A few months down the line I often reread entries that I made, and am usually pleased that on many issues I have made progress, or what seemed like a problem then, doesn't seem like as big a problem now.

I am not sure about the difference between hope and expectation. Hope does seem less objective-laden, and could be expressed for instance, as "a hope to make progress over time", which is reasonable, although individual sessions may appear to go backwards, and shouldn't be taken as a sign that your original hope was forlorn.

Your admission of feeling exposed is actually very touching - human. Don't be hard on yourself. They say we can be our own biggest critics, but being charitable with ourselves is the only way to move on. None of us is perfect - although too many want to give the aura of perfection - which at my age I don't actually believe in any more. I'd even go as far as saying that the trying to give the image of perfection is a major lie, and an admission of weakness. I like the realisation that we are all flawed in some way. It is a very human characteristic. These are the marks that the world leaves on us. However, it is how we deal with these imperfections, and turn them into something positive, that makes someone agreeable to be with. Emotional awareness can only come with time and experience, and a kind of cool, rational assessment of "how that went". We should all learn from our mistakes, as well as our successes. Also, I know it is almost a cliché, but you are still young enough for your hormones to make a significant impact on your emotional state. It does get better, or at least it did for me. Just be open with yourself and what you are feeling/experiencing, and see any problems as a challenge that helps you to move on in life. Believe it or not, continual self improvement never ends - not at 16, 50 or 99 years of age.

antodvyn,You are in good company. I'm sorry you had to endure sexual abuse at any age and from a family member. Sadly, it's a fairly common experience for young boys and men and it tends to get swept under the rug in most societies. Men, after all, are rhe sexually aggressive ones, we are not the receivers of sxual aggression. I was introduced into same sex play at the age of five by an older neighborhood boy, who I'm now sure was sexually abused by his brother. At 16, I was raped by an older guy who presented himself with the purest of motives to my spiritually inquisitive mind and ended up taking advantage of me and later, it was revealed that I was just one of many young men this predator assaultd. I live an almost exclusively gay life from my teens to early 20s and carried a lot of shame from these early incidents and often wondered if I would have even been sexually attracted to men had I never had these events happen to me and what kind of man I would be if thr had never happened. My life was a living hell at times. But, as I grew into my later 20s, I camw to be more accepting of what had happened to me and my own flaws along thr wya. in time, I learned to look at things more objectively and eventually healed. I learned to be easier on myself and came to realize that my same sex experiences were common for a lot of men. I chose not to permanently classify myself as gay and instead was blessed to find a woman who loved me as I was and have raised a very large and thriving family of both boys and girls. I never cried over my past and indeed, it's made me who I am today. I share all this not to judge you but to offer you grace that you are not bound by anyone's preconceived categorization and you are free to find meaning in your sexual life experiences in a way that can enrich you and others. Bad things happen to good people but they cannot make good people bad nless we allow them to o do. They can, in fact, end up making us better. I wish you much peace, joy and contentment in the rich and full life that lies ahead of you. Relax, young man, and don't let anyone put you down!

I am getting my groove back in an unlikely way. I thought this would be a journey into the pleasures of direct prostate stimulation, but I have a new friend with a beautiful,almost comically huge & accommodating foreskin. I am truly discovering the joys of cock docking! I have done this with a couple of other men, but never with these most satisfying results! With no oral and no anal stimulation, I am once again having unmistakeable prostate orgasms that he can recognize too!

When we insert our foreskins into each other, it's just as powerful to rub our frenula together (with one partner facing away from the other) as it is to fuck each other balls-deep. We never start with artificial lubrication, but before we blow, we are always soaked. And we can make it last for hours. I feel like writing a testimonial, but I'm probably on the wrong website! I feel like a giggly girl now.

As someone pursuing a career in psychology that has also been on the "patient" side of therapy, I just wanted to weigh in and say therapy is about you and your needs. I think making people feel like victims is an unhealthy side of therapy that needs to be addressed. "Victims" are forever on the defense and never self-sufficient or self-confident (I used to have my own victim mentality), so good job avoiding it.So congratulations on not letting abuse define who you are, and good luck on your journey.Also congrats on finding an exciting partner. :P

" I share all this not to judge you, but to offer you grace that you are not bound by anyone's preconceived categorization and you are free to find meaning in your sexual life experiences in a way that can enrich you and others. Bad things happen to good people, but they cannot make good people bad unless we allow them to. They can, in fact, end up making us better. I wish you much peace, joy and contentment in the rich and full life that lies ahead of you."

THIS is a beautifuly wriiten and offered sentiment. You have made my day as well.