Steven Seagal’s Tears

“I once heard a story about Steven Seagal—this is another reason that I love this motherfucker—I heard a story from somebody about Steven Seagal, that a producer came into his—I think this story’s out now, but I heard it years before it came out—that he called his producer into his home, and he said, ‘Come here, you have to come here,’ and the guy came into his home, and Steven Seagal had a 10-foot wooden desk, and on the desk was a script and a gun. And Steven Seagal was sitting at the desk and he was crying and the guy said, ‘Steven, what’s wrong?’ And he looked up and he said, ‘I just read the best script I have ever read in my life.’ And the producer said, ‘Wow, that’s amazing. Who wrote it?’ And he said, ‘I did.’ Like, Steven Seagal is batshit, fucking insane.”