I need advice!

I'm sorry, I'm another intruding Momma but I need some advice from the man's perspective.
I have been begging my husband for baby #2 since I was 6 months pregnant with baby #1! I want to be pregnant again and I want another baby plus I want our kids to be about 19-26 months apart. Our son will be 1 on Dec. 21st; we talked about starting to try to conceive starting the first of April. About a month ago we were talking about and I said I would like to start trying a bit earlier (February) in case we don't succeed immediately but that sent him on a tangent about how he doesn't know if he even wants another baby now and that if he does it would only be one more and he doesn't understand why it has to be so soon. When we were dating he told me he wouldn't even marry me unless I was going to have at least 3 or 4 children, but that he wanted more than that - when I remind him of this he says that he changed his mind. We had a strong disagreement discussion - I wouldn't quite call it an argument - and I asked him why he isn't even sticking to what he agreed to and he said that he feels as though he has been put on the back burner and he is afraid that he will receive absolutely no attention if we have another baby. Long story, sorry - My question is how do I make him feel less like he is second to baby and reassure him he won't be totally cut off should we have another baby? What are some ways your wives/girlfriends make you feel special or go out of their way to lavish you with attention? My hubby can't explain to me how I make him feel second to baby. Thanks for your suggestions!

I'm sorry, I'm another intruding Momma but I need some advice from the man's perspective.
I have been begging my husband for baby #2 since I was 6 months pregnant with baby #1! I want to be pregnant again and I want another baby plus I want our kids to be about 19-26 months apart. Our son will be 1 on Dec. 21st; we talked about starting to try to conceive starting the first of April. About a month ago we were talking about and I said I would like to start trying a bit earlier (February) in case we don't succeed immediately but that sent him on a tangent about how he doesn't know if he even wants another baby now and that if he does it would only be one more and he doesn't understand why it has to be so soon. When we were dating he told me he wouldn't even marry me unless I was going to have at least 3 or 4 children, but that he wanted more than that - when I remind him of this he says that he changed his mind. We had a strong disagreement discussion - I wouldn't quite call it an argument - and I asked him why he isn't even sticking to what he agreed to and he said that he feels as though he has been put on the back burner and he is afraid that he will receive absolutely no attention if we have another baby. Long story, sorry - My question is how do I make him feel less like he is second to baby and reassure him he won't be totally cut off should we have another baby? What are some ways your wives/girlfriends make you feel special or go out of their way to lavish you with attention? My hubby can't explain to me how I make him feel second to baby. Thanks for your suggestions!

If he can't tell you how he feels, no one else can tell you. But it sounds like he has told you exactly how he feels. There is a lack if attention. Try making him a priority.
But pushing him is not going to get him to change his mind

If he can't tell you how he feels, no one else can tell you. But it sounds like he has told you exactly how he feels. There is a lack if attention. Try making him a priority.
But pushing him is not going to get him to change his mind

Definitely make him a priority. Put a hold on the baby talk for awhile and focus on him. It is possible he changed his mind about the number of children he wants - they are life-changing and I don't think anyone can truly know what it's like until they have one of their own! I always used to want at least three. Now, as much as I love my daughter, I can't imagine having more than two. They're hard work and even with just one doesn't leave my SO much alone time for each other.

Definitely make him a priority. Put a hold on the baby talk for awhile and focus on him. It is possible he changed his mind about the number of children he wants - they are life-changing and I don't think anyone can truly know what it's like until they have one of their own! I always used to want at least three. Now, as much as I love my daughter, I can't imagine having more than two. They're hard work and even with just one doesn't leave my SO much alone time for each other.

I am doing what I can to make him a priority, including making more of an effort to show him more attention and affection. I'm not looking for someone to tell me how he feels, I know he feels a lack of attention what I was hoping for was some examples or suggestions for ways to prioritize him or make him feel special. I guess since he can't tell me ways that would make him feel more prioritized or what it is I am doing to make feel neglected - I mean I have to take care of our son, he required a great deal of attention being that he is an infant. We haven't talked about baby #2 since the conversation mentioned in the op. We have around 5 months until our original agreed upon timeline so I'm not too worried about pushing it, plus I know he is the type to refuse to agree to anything when nagged about it - even if he would otherwise.
I know actually having kids can change one's mind about how many they want, he wanted 5 or so but has since changed his mind whereas I only wanted maybe two but since having one I have realized I want 3 or 4! It's not worth stressing my marriage to push him and marriage is about compromise, so we will just have to work it out. Either way I feel blessed to have the child we do.
Sorry for the runon, I'm on the phone app.

I am doing what I can to make him a priority, including making more of an effort to show him more attention and affection. I'm not looking for someone to tell me how he feels, I know he feels a lack of attention what I was hoping for was some examples or suggestions for ways to prioritize him or make him feel special. I guess since he can't tell me ways that would make him feel more prioritized or what it is I am doing to make feel neglected - I mean I have to take care of our son, he required a great deal of attention being that he is an infant. We haven't talked about baby #2 since the conversation mentioned in the op. We have around 5 months until our original agreed upon timeline so I'm not too worried about pushing it, plus I know he is the type to refuse to agree to anything when nagged about it - even if he would otherwise.
I know actually having kids can change one's mind about how many they want, he wanted 5 or so but has since changed his mind whereas I only wanted maybe two but since having one I have realized I want 3 or 4! It's not worth stressing my marriage to push him and marriage is about compromise, so we will just have to work it out. Either way I feel blessed to have the child we do.
Sorry for the runon, I'm on the phone app.

Do you have someone who could take care of the baby for a weekend (or even one night) so that you and he could "get away"? Just one night in a hotel while the kid is safely tucked away at a grandparent's house can be amazingly refreshing after four or five months of having an infant in the house.

Every night when the baby is down, take time just for the two of you... Talk about work, about friends, about anything that doesn't involve the baby. Just for a few minutes... Or send him to tuck the baby in and surprise him when he comes back into the bedroom or livingroom by being completely naked or in some sexy lingerie - something to spice sex up like it used to be (or like he wanted it to be) before your child was born. Give it to him however and wherever in the house he wants it. Or give him oral, if that's what he really likes. Just make that time just about y'all.

When he gets home from work, don't immediately start telling him what the baby did (or didn't do) that day. Kiss him passionately and ask him about his day. Give him a chance for just a few minutes to adjust from the "adult world" back to the "baby world."

Those are a few thoughts I have on how to make him feel less "neglected" now that he's sharing your attentions and affections with a baby...

Do you have someone who could take care of the baby for a weekend (or even one night) so that you and he could "get away"? Just one night in a hotel while the kid is safely tucked away at a grandparent's house can be amazingly refreshing after four or five months of having an infant in the house.

Every night when the baby is down, take time just for the two of you... Talk about work, about friends, about anything that doesn't involve the baby. Just for a few minutes... Or send him to tuck the baby in and surprise him when he comes back into the bedroom or livingroom by being completely naked or in some sexy lingerie - something to spice sex up like it used to be (or like he wanted it to be) before your child was born. Give it to him however and wherever in the house he wants it. Or give him oral, if that's what he really likes. Just make that time just about y'all.

When he gets home from work, don't immediately start telling him what the baby did (or didn't do) that day. Kiss him passionately and ask him about his day. Give him a chance for just a few minutes to adjust from the "adult world" back to the "baby world."

Those are a few thoughts I have on how to make him feel less "neglected" now that he's sharing your attentions and affections with a baby...

Some pretty decent advice already on this thread and key to it is communication (possibly the surprise element too)I would say that having a chat about where you both are in life with no children around and finding out what he needs or is missing is paramount. If could of course be that you feel the same and are no longer his priority, which would be worth bringing up in a non tit-for-tat kinda way. Good luck.

Some pretty decent advice already on this thread and key to it is communication (possibly the surprise element too)I would say that having a chat about where you both are in life with no children around and finding out what he needs or is missing is paramount. If could of course be that you feel the same and are no longer his priority, which would be worth bringing up in a non tit-for-tat kinda way. Good luck.

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