It may turn out the only time Trump told the truth in public was when he said if we voted for Hillary, we’d end up with a president under criminal investigation. Sure enough, a plurality of us voted for Hillary and now the president is under criminal investigation. Lock him up.

Boston Bruins’ Brad Marchand has admitted he went too far and is now apologizing for his licking incidents during the playoffs. Marchand said he saw the light when he came home after the game and both his dog and cat ran off and hid.

Ailing John McCain does not want Donny to attend his funeral. Look for Drumph’s upcoming Tweet: “He’s not invited to my funeral either. If anyone is gonna piss on my grave, it will be Russian Hookers!”

I was sad to learn that my teenage neighbor (who drives a pink Ferrari) is a hooker. When I expressed my sense of outrage to the girl, she shrugged it off saying: “It’s not a big deal. I just look at it as crowd-funding.”