As a practicing domme of a number of years, I have come to learn just how true this statement is. It’s a frightening thought, sometimes, to know what sort or power I can hold over another. The kind of power that I don’t like to use, but that I know other’s abuse with vigor. This thought sends shivers up my spine – and not the good ones. It’s terrifying to think that there are ‘doms’ out there who are not concerned about the health and well-being of their submissive(s).

I can understand this sort of feeling in a role play, yes, it can be fun. And sure, I can understand it as something to spice up one’s sex life for a couple of hours. But as a lifestyle… I don’t like to consider the thought. And yet it is something that I am constantly reminded of. While I try to rebuild the pieces of a shattered (not broken) submissive who can no longer function without orders to do the simplest things, these idiots go on to shatter more subs into the horrid state of mind that they desire.

Now, what I can’t seem to fathom, is why a dom would ever desire a sub to be so dependant that they cannot get by on their own. This is irresponsible on the part of the dom, so far as I can see – it will take great amounts of work to get a sub who has been abused in the way back to a point where they are able to be well on their own. Perhaps it is a form of manipulating the submissive into staying with them… ensuring that they cannot make it without the other. But the line from D/s to abuse has long ago passed.

Another point of discussion within that – where does one draw the line between lifestyle and abuse? Would it not be seen as abusive for most people that many doms are physical with their subs when they so deserve? Or perhaps they enjoy it? The line here is blurred, as those of us who practice know that sadomasochism and punishment usually fall within the line of the lifestyle. I think that this line has to be drawn at different places for different people. Again, I go back to the original quote. One must be responsible with the power that a submissive gives them. When they are uncaring and don’t realize that a sub is a person just as much as they themselves are, things become much more black and white.

With the responsibility that a submissive gives, one must first and foremost ensure their wellbeing, their health, and their safety. Just because it is within your power to control their wellbeing, health, and safety, it does not make it okay for these important factors to be ignored. Responsibility means that these basic needs must be met. You must ensure that the person you are responsible for is meeting the basic standards for life. Care for them, they are not only your sub, but a person – human nature is to crave love and attention.

Ultimately, I wanted to post a blog logging that when one is given power, they must learn to control themselves. Power is corrupting, but it is not fair to allow someone else’s life to be ruined because of that. If one cannot handle the power that is given, they need to acknowledge that their position is not as the holder of a submissive.

Keep this in mind, that is all that I ask. It is a dominant’s responsibility and duty to their submissive to ensure that they are safe, well, and healthy. Trust, respect, and care come in to play afterward, all of these the founding pillars of a functioning relationship between dom and sub. When one is given responsibility, they must honor that and ensure that they do not abuse it, especially when the life of another person is held within their grasp.

So perhaps this is a plea, or just a reminder. Take care of your sub as much as you ensure that they can take care of themselves. You may not always be with them, and keep that in mind should you ever have an idea to make them truly dependent on you. If they are alone, do you really want to be the cause of them falling sick, being reckless, finding themselves unable to get by? Ultimately do you want to be the cause for them to end up in the hospital unable to perform basic tasks without order? Would you desire to hold the death of another on your conscience for your own selfish demands?

I've been feeling like this thread has been popping into my mind more and more often lately as relevant, and I wanted to revisit the point. I might add another post, or perhaps a new blog... but I thought perhaps a discussion could crop up that might suit my fancy.