B.A.(Rhodes), B.A.Hons.(U.C.T.), M.A.(Northwestern, Chicago), M.B.A.(Wits) Deon Opperman is an established South African playwright and commentator who writes in both Afrikaans and English. Twitter: @deonopperman6

Deon Opperman

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Sunday, 14 April 2013

I’M A WHITE MAN IN AFRICA

I’m a white man in Africa a survivor in the
south

we got one man one vote but we live from
hand to mouth

apartheid was a fuck up now we free, free
at last

but some of us are paying for the sins of
the past

they learned their lesson well the anger
and the hate

when it comes to revenge it never is too
late

it’s the spirit of the age redistribution retribution

reverse apartheid is all the rage - after
action affirmative satisfaction

but this continent is cool, a place of
plenty, abundant riches

we still believe in witches and treat our
wives like bitches

we use cell phones to tape a friendly gang
rape

and if you get AIDS spend an hour in the
shower

but if it’s HIV drink garlic in your tea

welcome to Africa it’s the coolest place to
be

don’t get me wrong I’m happy in this new bureaucracy

the blacks learned from the whites how to
do democracy

if they lose the election don’t get an
erection

it’s the basic supposition – kill the
opposition

ask Robert Mugabe from Zimbabwe

Rwanda Somalia Liberia Ethiopia

Angola Uganda welcome to utopia

our misery is custom made to suit your
every need

this place is a paradise with billions to
feed

some graft and corruption an occasional
disruption

but better than that we’re on our backs
flat, check our welcome mat

unexploited mineral wealth enough for a
thousand years

and a labor force to mine it with their
hopes their dreams their tears

and fuck the bleeding hearts who curse the
corporations

economic liberation, without them
starvation

come on be rational no-one cares like a
multinational

they can help you self-destruct if you got
diamonds in the ground

or force-remove your locals if you got oil
lying round

in your Swiss account any amount

that’s what World Bank debt is for

and if you still want more they can start a
war

nothing second rate, it will escalate

‘till all your citizens are killing each
other

AK47’s for you and your brother

you can run my friend but you cannot hide

the first world will provide

especially genocide

and don’t forget the kindness of our
European friends

in fact the list of good deeds is so long
it never ends

the pommies and the krauts and the porras
and the frogs

thank God they insisted when the heathens
resisted

okay there was some slavery and they
treated men like dogs

and some random orders moved a shitload of
borders

which caused some double bubble toil and
trouble

and reduced the continent to ashes and
rubble

but they brought education medication
conservation

preservation…with just a touch of
deprivation

small price to pay for civilization

and besides…the Africans learnt an
important lesson –

a civilized man doesn’t bring a spear to a
gun fight

you can run my friend but you cannot hide

the first world will provide

especially genocide

but this continent is cooking though it
might look tattered and torn

we got elephants and lions and a lot of
rhino horn

our poachers are all innocent they just
working for the Japs

whose cocks are all so tiny they can’t find
them without maps

but hey those pricks got dollars -
international currency

hallelujah Mammon and the USA – the gods that
keep us free

don’t get me wrong I’m happy, at least I’m
still alive

and as long as I don’t argue I reckon I’ll
survive

it’s a garden of Eden owned by the ANC

I can say what I like as long as they agree

just ‘cause you can vote doesn’t mean you
free

but it does mean you can live in abject
poverty

oh say can you see our monopoly

it took a revolution to get this constitution

no-one is rejected all of us protected

the Party is so clever it’s going to rule
the roost forever

it’s an African tradition - we don’t like competition

but we like to trade for international aid
so our leaders can get paid