Craving for diseases

Now a days, hepatitis and colon cancer are the usual sickness that develops to many people whether young or old. There are many reasons on how these diseases develop, it may be cause
by dirty food we eat and not clean liquids that we are drinking.

According to PhD Dr. Merlyn Duyan, she argued that one of the root caused why many people suffer from hepatitis and develop colon cancer is that they often get from the food they eat, foods that are not clean such as unclean street foods. The Philippines climate has a high temperature that’s why it’s not safe to eat street foods most especially those meat and different variety of chicken parts that are grilled.

Most students and working people prefer to eat street foods after school and from work instead of dining in an expensive restaurant or food chain they rather choose to have their meal and snack on the different stalls of street food found everywhere, from the school gate, outside churches, parks and almost every street in Manila a street food cart. Much of the food sold at these stalls, such as crab-meat bars, fish bubbles, chicken wings,hot dogs, siomai, barbecue,fish balls, squid balls, chicken balls,kikiam,kwek-kwek,taho,goto,batchoy,chicharon,chicken feet,and balut.With just 20.00 you can have a meal, rice with viand and just add 5.00 for buko juice and this could fill your hungry stomach. It’s quite affordable and pocket friendly but we don’t mind the big danger that could contribute diseases inside our intestines and this is a root cause why many people suffer from hepatitis and develop a colon sickness that might lead to cancer.

Food Poisoning can cause fatal effects or even death to people who are at risk when eating street food. Street vendors serve their food hot but are we sure it’s safe? Just like fried calamares, which we import from other countries and this is preserved through huge amount of formalin. According to study findings: It was found out by BFAD (Bureau of Food and Drugs) through a series of laboratory tests that there’s a huge amount of formalin, a form of formaldehyde (a preservative) in the frozen squids being imported from nearby countries ( the recorded specimen was from China).
We are looking for cheap food in order for us not to expend much money but we are not secured for what we are eating for. How much more if we have these diseases, at the end of time we will be the onr to suffer.

It’s not quite bad if we eat street food but we must be conscoius on what we are eating. But we cannot stop the daily routine of every Filipino to vast there selves with different kind of street food. This is part of there culture and a sign that you are truly pinoy if you eat this kind of food.

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12 Comments:

On the first line of your paragraph, you already committed a grammatical error (*Wrong: hepatitis and colon cancer are the usual sickness that develops … *Correct: hepatitis and colon cancer are the usual sicknesses that develop ….). Here is another another one, (*Wrong: dirty food we eat and not clean liquids that we are drinking… *Correct: dirty food we eat and unsafe liquids that we drink…).

It seems that you have committed the same mistakes in the preceeding paragraphs. You should know by now what to do in you next article. I hope this helps you…

Please add more facts into your article to support your point that eating street foods is like craving for diseases. This will make your article more believable and persuading to those who love to eat in streets. This might serve as their wake up call that eating street foods can cause harm in your health.
Your grade is 90.

*I like the twist in your title
*You were focused on one angle which is good
*You have incongruent paragraphs and sentences
*Refrain yourself from redundancies
*I would have given you a much higher grade if there were less grammar and construction errors. However, there are still more articles to come so, i think you’ll be able to improve yourself more
A 90.

*1st paragraph 1st sentence -now a days —> Nowadays
To —> in
2nd sentence- replace comma with period and begin a new sentence
May be cause —> may be caused

‘Dirty food we eat and not clean liquids that we are drinking’- remove ‘we eat’ and ‘that we are drinking’ because it sounds redundant and it’s a given fact that foods are eaten and liquids are drank.
Not clean- unclean
Dirty and unclean are the same thing so better lose the other one.

*2nd paragraph- putting a PhD and Dr. is redundant also, who is Dr. Merlyn Duyan? Give more substantiation on who she is so that the information would be more reliable.
Remove ‘she argued that’
Root caused —> root causes
Put the pronoun ‘it’ after ‘that they often’
Remove the adjective ‘unclean’ before ‘street foods’ because you already have the adjective not clean before it
Last sentence, put an apostrophe after Philippines.

I somehow disagree with your last sentence because our country’s temperature is more of a great help in the food we eat because cold countries develop ecoli on their food and there are studies that state that grilled food our some of the healthiest foods especially if they’re not burnt

Most students and working people prefer to eat street foods after school and from work instead of dining in an expensive restaurant or food chain they rather choose to have their meal and snack on the different stalls of street food found everywhere, from the school gate, outside churches, parks and almost every street in Manila a street food cart.

To:
Most students and workers prefer to eat street foods after school and from work, instead of dining in an expensive restaurant or food chain, because they rather choose to have their meal and snack on the different stalls selling street food that can be found everywhere- from the school gate, outside churches, parks and almost every street in Manila.

2nd sentence- doesn’t make sense at all
3rd sentence- put a comma after ‘rice with viand’
4th sentence- put a hyphen in between pocket-friendly then put a period after this word and begin a new sentence

*4th paragraph- 3rd sentence, replace colon with comma
Put a comma before and after the phrase ‘through a series of lab tests’
4th sentence- expend —> spend
For —> with
Remove the for after eating
Last sentence: improve

How much more must we eat these foods? Until we incur these diseases? If we this continues, at the end, we will be the ones suffering.

This article is informative, however, like what they’ve said this could be improve if you add more facts, and also PICTURES. Because for me, adding photos/pictures most especially in a feature article would add more interest to the readers. 😛

you can put pictures it’s not a crime to put pictures it will also help to attract the readers
I’m not also good in grammar but I try my best to edit my work and to exert effort more.
and Nash is right some words are redundant, give more facts

error/s:
it may be (cause) by dirty food we eat – caused*
not to (expend) much money – spend*
we will be the (onr) to suffer – one*
we must be (conscoius) on what we are eating – conscious
to vast (there selves) with different kind of street food – themselves*
This is part of (there) culture – the*

please be remindful of your grammar and the S-V-A.

“This is part of the culture and a sign that you are truly pinoy if you eat this kind of food.” – is this true? I don’t think so. it is better if you have researched on this.

Your article serves as a reminder to readers on what diseases they might get when they eat street foods. However, this article would be better if you have interviewed a person who got a disease by eating street foods so that your readers will really believe what you have put in this article.

You have a very informative article. Added points will go for the interviewed resource person. It made your article a credible one. Your article is not too wordy which makes it convenient for the readers. It would have been better if it has pictures. Congrats 🙂