tiresome but nonetheless always sure of itself

We’ll Miss You, Rick Sanchez

I have to send my deep regrets and a fond farewell to CNN’s everyman and resident old-guy-who-knows-the-internet, Rick Sanchez. Watching Rick misread the news, mangle impromptu interviews, and generally make social media seem at once lame and revolutionary was a staple of my unemployed life. It was like discussing current events with the guy at the office who, despite knowing absolutely nothing about the subject at hand, will go on and on about some garbage some stranger sent him on the internet. He’ll eventually pull other people into the conversation awkwardly, and he’ll always draw a strange and contradictory moral from even the most straightforward snippet or event.

For two hours a day Rick made you feel like the smartest guy in the room. That his book is titled Conventional Idiocy is too precious for me to handle. His way of making weird references to gender, race, and religion got him more than one “Woah, ok Rick.” His obsession with being recognized as a legitimate anchor led to his eventual dismissal (also it’s not nice to point out that a secret cult of Jews run certain companies/industries and keep the rest of us down, EVEN IF THEY DO jk) but he was truly on the forefront of guys with real media jobs who took Twitter seriously and saw the promise it has for citizen journalism. If only he didn’t come off as a total doofus.

Where will the big Sanchez land next? After trashing Liebowitz and the Hebrew-industrial complex, I doubt he’ll find a place at MSNBC. And he seems a little lose with the human interest/working man stories to fit in next to Neil Cavuto and the Glennreich. I have a feeling he’ll land a Dr. Phil style talk show where he’ll take the long and mustachioed road once blazed by Geraldo. Some day we’ll see him back on the news, opening the sealed vault of Mark Zuckerberg to find it filled with embarrassing videos of himself being tazed.

Speaking of, of course I’ve linked it here. Thanks Rick. For balloon boy, for the month that Michael Jackson died, for everything.