Life and all the shananigins!

As regular readers will know B is 7, and recently has been wanting to play out more. For one reason or another I always put it off with excuses as why she can’t – they are normally valid reasons but I am always glad there is a reason.

Now don’t get me wrong I am not against it, in fact B has occassionally played out from the age of 5. But it was always just 5 minutes here and there. She wanted to go out, but then when she did, she wanted to come home to see what I was doing and check I was still at home. Then we moved and our last house wasn’t near enough to her friends in that estate. We have been in this house for a year now and she has been out a handful of times but again was usually back and forth the whole time, never out for more than 10 minutes without popping back for tiny little reasons. All that pointed to me thinking as much as she wanted to, she wasn’t ready to play out yet.

So that’s the background, cut to today. We went to do the shopping at Tesco and driving home B saw her friends out on the estate and asked if she could play out. I grasped at the excuse that Daddy would be over in an hour and that they were playing too far away – they are usually just at the top of our cul-de-sac, but today they were round the corner and out of sight. I realised that the reason I was saying no was more my fear than any valid reason. Where they play is by the other kids’ houses and they all have decent enough road sense. So I decided she could go. I made her wear her watch and told her to be home by 12.

I’ll be honest, I expected her to be home 10 minutes later saying she didn’t want to play out, or one of the older girls had upset her (which used to happen a lot last year), but after 20 minutes I just got edgey! On the one hand it was great, H was sat having a snack and I got to clean the cooker without B saying she was bored and asking to do things I would say no to. But in the back of my mind the worry monster started. What if she hadn’t found her friends and got knocked over, what if her friends went further off the estate and she followed, what if some stranger started talking to them and she joined in because her friends did…………….

Twelve O’Clock came and she walked in bang on time. She had been playing on her friends trampoline in his garden and had really enjoyed herself. She looked full of happiness and energy – I loved the look!!! So that’s it now, no stopping her and here’s hoping my nerves settle!! Oh and also I’ll try and not make excuses any more!

I just thought I would share with you how happy I am lately! I know, I know, all happy, happy, happy and your probably all fed up of hearing me write “nice” things. The thing is though, I’m wondering if it is just me or if everyone else is feeling a sudden burst of happiness now that spring has sprung.

This week I have been driving to work with my sunglasses on because it is actually sunny, singing along my way and willingly being able to get out of bed in a morning. Life has taken on a whole new meaning again. So, fair enough, I have started a new job, got my own car, I’m slowly sorting out the disorganised house and so all of that together is surely why i am feeling so good at the moment?

Well that could be true, but you know what I don’t actually think that’s all it is. I did make light hearted comments with friends back in October/November ish about how I thought I was maybe suffering from SAD because every winter I take a downward turn. The slightest little thing can get me down. Not a bad depression, never bad enough for me to have sought help for it, but enough that I noticed it and so did friends. Even though I wasn’t working, I didn’t want to get out of bed at all, and during the day I just wanted to sleep. I was constantly cold and just wanted to hibernate. I probably hit the lowest point just before Christmas, but then received my job offer and that helped to pull me out a little.

I hadn’t given it a second thought since then. Life has just been life since then and I have got up every morning, done what needs to be done and gone to bed at night. I discovered blogging and started work and then this week something fantastic happened. I found my high spirits again. My good mood is back. And so is the sun. It’s not dark in the mornings and it’s not dark early in the evening. Oh and today, my day off, and the temperature was in the low 20’s – which is pretty good considering it’s not even mid April yet! There surely has to be a connection. Does anyone else suffer with SAD, or have you noticed a shift in your general mood since Spring began?

All about me!

For those of you who didn’t read my old blog, or just want to remind yourself of my background, here goes…….

I’m a 33 year old single mum. I have two daughters, B is 8 and H is 3. I have been single since I was 5 months pregnant with H, and yes they both have the same dad. They see him alternate weekends and holidays unless he is away with work.

When my marriage broke down I moved the length of the country to be back at home near family and unfortunately lost my job due to the credit crunch too. I returned to work in March 2010, as a Family Support Worker. It’s such a rewarding job but hard work too. I’m now in a new relationship with Mr D and have the added dynamics of his children and how they fit into both my life and my girls lives! Being a parent brings some challenges but I wouldn’t change it!

As a single mum it’s a great way to view my opinions and get other points of view. Don’t get me wrong I have some fantastic friends and family on my doorstep and I talk things through with them. Sometimes the view of a perfect stranger is a breeze of fresh air though.

So be warned, I really am getting into this now and I am likely to post some utter drivel as well as some (hopefully) interesting stuff. All I ask is that you comment honestly, I don’t expect my opinions to be agreeable to everyone and at times I will be looking for some opinions that contradict my own.