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Monday, March 19, 2012

If you're addicted to chocolate, you're a chocoholic. If you have a thing for tanning, you're tanorexic. Shopping is what floats your boat? Shopaholic. Mother of seven? You got it. Mommaholic. And today, you get to have my confessions, both real and imagined. There may be ranting involved. I hope this will give you a little giggle to start your week off right. Who knows? We might have something in common!

I have been known to let the monsters have marshmallows for breakfast.

I have left early/not attended events and used Logan's multiple diagnosis' as my excuse because I didn't want to be there. Not always, not frequently. But it's happened. And probably will again.

There is brownie batter on my kitchen ceiling. It's been there since September.

Nose seepage makes me gag. I can't handle little green drippy noses. The monsters and the Daddy have to take care of that chore. Give me a choice between a 12 wipe diaper or wiping a nose? I'll take changing duty.

I have encouraged the monsterlettes to jump on the couch so I can eat dinner without being pestered

It's killing me not to write a blistering review of a book I got from the library last week. Okay. Seriously. It's MOAT, not MOLT. And furthermore, if you're going to write a book involving sign language, don't compound your error by having the main character spell out M-O-L-T to a deaf child in sign language, defining it as a circle of water around a castle. UGH! Also- there, their, and they're are not interchangeable, which and witch are not the same, vigorous and rigorous are different words with different meanings, it's utmost, not up most, and learn your punctuation! You cannot get fat off Bon bons. That would just be gross, and involve many dissections. You can get fat because of bonbons. And also? It's offensive to say you can't be a housewife because you will get fat off Bon bons. Watch yourself. I read 10-15 books a week. Grisham, James Patterson, Diane Mott Davidson, Fern Michaels, Danielle Steel, Nora Roberts... I read it all - except science fiction. Can't do it. And seriously, it's taken me two freaking days to get through 150 pages of this drivel. The thing is, it's a cute story and I want to see how it turns out. But, REALLY! Proofread! I've been stomping around the monster house since yesterday about this. It should be used as an elementary spelling/punctuation/quotation text, to teach children what NOT to do. My family is ready to have me committed because of this stupid book.

The twinnies watch waaaaaaaaay too much TV. Also, they are addicted to Spongebob, Olivia and Peppa Pig. #6 has started asking questions with a British accent, and Logan runs around the house with one eye covered shrieking "ShivermetimbersARG!" as one word over and over and over and over.... should I be concerned?

Remember my Notorious #5's bullying nightmare? Yeah. Still nothing has been done on the part of the school administration. I want to picket the elementary school, but I'm pretty sure there would be cursing involved, which would set a bad example for the Kindergartners..

Alright, y'all, that's all for now! Hope your Monday goes well, shaping the rest of the week into an entirely manageable experience. OH! And one last thing:

It's my personal opinion that you should earn at least ONE of the years of therapy your child will undoubtedly go through as an adult, during which their therapist will blame every bad thing that's ever happened to them on their mother. Therefore, I am looking forward to this coming Saturday, when my "new" mom-mobile will arrive. People? It's a retired black and white police cruiser. I'm so totally serious! And I am SO going to pick up my high school children every. single. day., and put my hand on the tops of their heads, shoving them in the back seat. Sadly, it no longer has bullet proof glass or steel reinforced doors. But I can work around that...it is, after all, still black and white! The Daddy has a wicked sense of humor. Oh, holy cow. People? It's a MOM enforcement vehicle. Okay, okay. I'm stopping now.

The mom-mobile.. but mine will be minus the light bar and
decals. Although, the decals were only painted over with
white spray paint. I could razor it off for effect...