The Vegas Golden Knights defeated the Winnipeg Jets in 5 games, after Winnipeg won the first game and then inexplicably laid down for an inferior team.

The Washington Capitals defeated the Tampa Bay Lightning in 7 games, destroying Tampa in the first two games, then losing three in a row when Tampa decided to show up, and then Tampa couldn’t score any goals the last two games.

I have to go with Vegas – I really can’t bet against them anymore, especially since the inferior of their two potential opponents made the Finals too. Tampa would have beaten them but Tampa didn’t make it. It doesn’t even matter if the team is better than them, Vegas wins anyway.

Also, it’s not really a surprise that it took until this presidency for the Washington team with a Russian star to finally make the Finals.

We could have had Winnipeg vs. Tampa. Instead we got the worst possible option. Oh well.

The Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the Boston Bruins in five games. They gave us a scare when the Bruins won the first game, but ultimately, the fact that Boston had had so much trouble putting away Toronto and the fact that Tampa is Toronto on steroids, proved too much for them as I knew it would, losing the next four in a row. Also, Marchand, go lick yourself.

The Washington Capitals finally did it! They finally beat the Penguins in the playoffs! It’s a miracle. If they don’t win the Cup, at least they have that.

Ultimately, while Washington was able to slay the dragon, I don’t believe they can make it past the Lightning.

——————————–Western Conference———————————————

(1) Vegas Golden Knights vs. (2) Winnipeg Jets

The Vegas Golden Knights defeated San Jose as I expected, and San Jose put up a good fight too, also as I expected.

The Winnipeg Jets defeated the Nashville Predators in 7 games – in a great series. They traded wins – the Jets won the odd numbered games and the Preds the even numbers. Winnipeg won three games IN Nashville. Winnipeg came back from a 3 goal deficit to win 7-4 in game three.

I didn’t expect the Jets to defeat Nashville but I thought they had a shot. Because they were able to beat the Preds by winning three games in Nashville, and the fact that they’re going to have home ice advantage even though they are the lower seed – which makes no sense – the Jets have the best chance of defeating Vegas out of any of the teams Vegas has faced. But the Golden Knights have been dominant regardless. It’s a tough call – but I’m leaning towards Winnipeg.

Literally every matchup in this round, and each round going forward, should be really good. All of the good teams won in the first round.

—————————–Western Conference————————————————-

(1) Nashville Predators vs. (2) Winnipeg Jets

The Nashville Predators defeated the Colorado Avalanche in 6 games. It was a bit of a shock that the Avs won game 5 but they lost handily in game 6 – however they put up a better fight than I imagine people were expecting.

This series should be great. Everyone left in the playoffs has a shot at a Cup run – some more than others – so even though the Preds won the Presidents Trophy, it’s not a guarantee. They both are great on offense, defense, and in goal, so it’s almost a tossup. I’d give the Preds an edge in defense though, but just by a bit – and I still expect them to win.

(1) Vegas Golden Knights vs. (3) San Jose Sharks

The Vegas Golden Knights swept the Los Angeles Kings, and did so with a final four game goal total of 7-3.

The San Jose Sharks slaughtered the Anaheim Ducks in four games.

While I’d still consider the Golden Knights the favorites, they will definitely have a more difficult time with the Sharks than they had with the Kings. The Kings had defense and goaltending but no offense – the Sharks have goaltending, defense, and offense – and they have a much better shot at defeating the Golden Knights than the Kings did. However I still predict the Golden Knights in another great series.

———————————————–Eastern Conference————————————-

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (2) Pittsburgh Penguins

The Washington Capitals struggled in the first two games, but ultimately defeated the Columbus Blue Jackets in 6 games.

The Pittsburgh Penguins defeated the Philadelphia Flyers in 6 games.

This should be another good series – but come on, we all know how Pittsburgh/Washington always goes. Pittsburgh wins – although I’m hoping Washington will slay the dragon this time.

(1) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (2) Boston Bruins

The Tampa Bay Lightning defeated the New Jersey Devils in 5 games.

The Boston Bruins defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs by the skin of their teeth in 7 games, winning the right to lose to Tampa.

Again, another great series, but it’s pretty clear that Tampa will win. They were going to win regardless of who they faced in this round. Considering Boston could just barely put away the Leafs after having been up 3-1 in the series, it’s clear that Tampa – a definitively better team than the Leafs – will take the victory.

With all of the craziness of WrestleMania weekend I almost forgot to write these. Thankfully I’ll get them in just in time.

Thankfully I can say I’ve watched a ton of hockey this year because I bought the Center Ice package for the first time. Obviously I couldn’t watch every single game but I’ve seen a ton of Leafs, Jets, Golden Knights, Lightning, Bruins, Sharks, and Hawks games. This year’s going to be weird since the Hawks aren’t in it so I have to start with the Western Conference.

———————————————–Western Conference————————–

(1) Nashville Predators vs. (WC2) Colorado Avalanche

The Nashville Predators have won the Presidents Trophy. Let that sink in – we live in a world where the Preds have won the Presidents Trophy. Anyone think that would happen, ever? But they are that good now. The scary thing is – they’re that good but there’s no clear cut winner this year, there are multiple teams that have a solid chance of winning.

The Colorado Avalanche got out of the basement, traded Matt Duchene, and MacKinnon and goaltending brought them to the playoffs after being a record-settingly bad team last year.

As impressive as it is that Colorado got themselves in the playoffs after the year they had last year, there’s no way they’re going to make it past the Preds.

(2) Winnipeg Jets vs. (3) Minnesota Wild

The Winnipeg Jets are another legit contender. They have many offensive weapons – Laine, Scheifele, Wheeler, Byfuglien – and Hellebuyck is great.

The Minnesota Wild are here and, well, they just kind of are here because the other teams in the division were just worse than them. I’ve heard literally nothing about them this year outside of Staal has 40 goals? And Dubnyk needs to stop playing in back to back games so as not to ruin my fantasy team.

Jets win, no question about it.

(1) Vegas Golden Knights vs. (WC1) Los Angeles Kings

So, um, did anyone have Vegas even in the playoffs this year? Because I’m pretty sure we all had them as a crap team. But here they are, number one seed, and an actual contender. They used five goalies in the beginning of the season because they kept getting hurt. But damn – between Karlsson, Marchessault, the fake deal James Neal, and Fleury, and others, they are a threat.

The Los Angeles Kings are still the Los Angeles Kings. They struggled in the beginning of the season if I remember correctly but they got it together.

I don’t think I can just pick Vegas and move on so quickly. I do believe Vegas will win, but this won’t be as easy as the first two matchups. If anyone can take out the higher seed in the first round, it’s in this series. Quick is still great and the Kings have more experience. Still think Vegas takes it.

(2) Anaheim Ducks vs. (3) San Jose Sharks

The Anaheim Ducks are sadly still here even though they’ve been hit or miss all year.

The San Jose Sharks have been quietly really good, and now they have Evander Kane to go along with Pavelski, Couture, Burns, Hertl, and Thornton.

Sharks will win.

——————————–Eastern Conference——————————————-

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (WC1) Columbus Blue Jackets

The Washington Capitals have won their division and have done so fairly quietly – the past few years they’ve been the favorite going in. This year, while they certainly are strong contenders, the attention doesn’t seem to be on them as it is on other teams. Maybe the pressure being off will bring them better luck.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are in a similar boat to Washington – not much attention on them either.

I can’t pick against Washington, even though I could definitely see Columbus – specifically Bobrovsky – frustrating the Caps and stealing the series, especially since Holtby has struggled recently. But, Caps.

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (3) Philadelphia Flyers

The Pittsburgh Penguins struggled in the beginning of the season before realizing they were the Penguins and here they are.

The Philadelphia Flyers are a team I accidentally saw a ton of games of this year and I still don’t really know that much about their season.

Aren’t we all happy this series is happening? I know I am. Obviously the Pens are the favorites but if any team could knock them out in the first round, it’s the Flyers. Philadelphia gives them fits. Still, Pittsburgh to win.

(1) Tampa Bay Lightning vs. (WC2) New Jersey Devils

The Tampa Bay Lightning were the best team in the league for most of the season, and the only reason they didn’t win the Presidents Trophy is because they slowed down a bit closer to the end of the season – so much so that Boston is only a point behind them.

The New Jersey Devils have made the playoffs for the first time in six years on the back of Taylor Hall.

If Tampa lost I’d be super surprised about it. They’re my pick to win the Cup.

(2) Boston Bruins vs. (3) Toronto Maple Leafs

The Boston Bruins definitely surpassed everyone’s expectations this year and are one of the best teams in the league.

The Toronto Maple Leafs have had another great season – better than last year’s – and had Matthews been healthy all year, they may have gotten an even higher seed. They still lack on defense a bit but their offense is lights out and Andersen has been great.

This will be a tough series – either team could win. Both have great goaltending and can score tons of goals. The difference is that Boston’s goal scorers are all on one line whereas the Leafs’ are spread out, giving the Leafs the advantage. Plus Boston is deal with more significant injuries. It will probably go seven, but as long as the Leafs don’t get a 4-1 lead in game seven, they will have their revenge.

Alright, well that’s the first round. More predictions when it’s over.

This is a tough call. On one hand, the Preds have handled three very good teams and for the most part, did so handily. But, they have injuries piling up. But so does the Pens. The Preds are better than the Sens, though, and the Sens were a goal away from beating the Pens. I don’t know – it’s really tough. If the Preds win, they’re probably the most worthy champions in a while – they’d have gone through Chicago, St. Louis, Anaheim, and Pittsburgh – not one of those teams is a slouch. I’m going to pick the Preds, but it’s really a tossup at this point.

The Pittsburgh Penguins defeated the Washington Capitals in 7 games, after the Capitals nearly killed Crosby twice, came back from a 3-1 series deficit, just to choke in game 7 as always.

The Ottawa Senators defeated the New York Rangers in 6 games, and considering Pageau scored more goals in one game than the Hawks did in a series, there’s that. Also, Rangers – you should have won this but didn’t. So you fail.

Somehow the Senators got past the Rangers with False God Karlsson having a broken foot, but there’s no way they can do that to the Pens. Pens have this.

————————-Western Conference————————————————

(1) Anaheim Ducks vs. (WC2) Nashville Predators

The Anaheim Ducks defeated the Edmonton Oilers in 7 games after Edmonton moreso eliminated themselves. They were up 2-0 going back to Edmonton, blew that lead, then blew a 3 goal lead in game 5 with 3:16 left and lost in 2 OT, then demolished Anaheim 7-1 in game six, but couldn’t do anything in game 7. So good job blowing a 3 goal lead in 3:16, because if you didn’t you’d be here and not the Ducks.

The Nashville Predators defeated the St. Louis Blues in 6 games.

So, we can all admit we underestimated the Preds at this point. Even if you thought they were good, you underestimated them. They’re starting to look like a team that can’t be stopped. And they beat the Blues. If they win the Cup, you cannot say they don’t deserve it. They destroyed the Hawks, and basically did the same to St. Louis. If they beat the Ducks and likely the Pens – what a way to do it. And as a second wild card team, too. And honestly, I’m picking them to win here, too.

The Washington Capitals defeated the Toronto Maple Leafs in six games. This should have gone seven, damn it. It was easily the most entertaining of the eight series that happened, and now I’m just sad that Toronto is out. I was more excited for them and the series was the best.

The Pittsburgh Penguins defeated the Columbus Blue Jackets in 5 games. Now, I’m not shocked that the Penguins won, but I was expecting Columbus to put up a bigger fight than they did.

Honestly, as much as the Capitals are the best team in the league….I have to pick the Penguins. After Pittsburgh beat Columbus more easily than expected and the Caps had some trouble with the Leafs, it’s hard for me to believe than the Penguins won’t beat the Caps AGAIN. And honestly, after all that’s happened in the first round – this all smells of a Pens repeat to me.

(2) Ottawa Senators vs. (WC1) New York Rangers

The Ottawa Senators defeated the Boston Bruins in 6 games, and no one cared.

The New York Rangers defeated the Montreal Canadiens in 6 games.

This is probably the toughest one to call in this round. I’m going with the Rangers but that could be wrong.

————————Western Conference—————————

(1) Anaheim Ducks vs. (2) Edmonton Oilers

The Anaheim Ducks swept the Calgary Flames in 4 games. I paid no attention to this series.

The Edmonton Oilers defeated the San Jose Sharks in 6 games.

I wish the Oilers would win this, but I just don’t foresee that. The Ducks will be much tougher than the Sharks were for them. But the Oilers are the only team in the West I want to win.

Blues have got this. The Blues and the Ducks are the only ones who can stop each other, and unfortunately that means one will end up in the Finals.

————————–Chicago Blackhawks Postseason Eulogy————————–

Blackhawks, where do I even begin?

You lost in four games. To the Predators. The PREDATORS. I mean, they’re not a bad team, but you made them out to be gods. YOU WERE SHUTOUT FOR TEN PLUS PERIODS! YOU SCORED THREE GOALS.

THREE.

That’s like, comically bad.

So bad I barely watched the last game. Didn’t watch the second at all. (Part of that’s me having been at work, but that’s besides the point.)

I guess after the second game of the season happened (ironically against the Preds) and I thought “Are the Hawks just bad now?” I was right. Turns out you still won the conference, but it sure doesn’t seem like it.

It seems like the Hawks have finally hit the wall we knew they would. It was inevitable. You sign so many to such huge contracts for so long and trade away the rest and replace them with……?

I mean, yes, those contracts make sense – you want those players on your team – but eventually you’re going to hit a wall when some of them are maybe too old and then you’ve got nothing around them. With the exception of getting Panarin, there hasn’t been a major change since the last Cup that’s going to be a big difference.

How many rookies do you have surrounding an aging core? Hartman, Kero, Hinostroza, Rasmussen. The only one really worth a damn so far is Hartman.

Still only have 3 or 4 defensemen. Keith, Seabrook, Hjalmarsson. Everything else around them still doesn’t work.

The core is all getting older, and with age they will not be as good. It’s not there yet, but this just happened and they’re all signed to LONG deals. And they’re contracts that can’t be traded.

Toews, Kane, Anisimov, Keith, Hossa, Seabrook, etc. Most have deals that will get most of them into their late thirties or young forties.

They failed themselves last year, but this year it’s clear whatever they had fell apart completely.

Let’s not mince hairs. The Preds killed them. The Preds were undoubtedly the better team. No bullshit conspiracies like the refs were against them or something or that the Preds were lucky. Nope. The Hawks just died.

And honestly, as much as I want to say “trade everyone,” that just doesn’t work. You’ll be lucky to trade one player – and which one, and for what? You’d be most likely to trade Anisimov probably, but he’s not the best player the Hawks have, they won’t get enough in return to make the Hawks a real contender, and he’s one of the older ones, too. If we’re being honest, I’m not sure the Hawks are going to win the Cup again anytime soon.

Toews and Kane can be better. Panarin is great. Hossa was better this year than the previous year, but is that a trend?

We need more than 3 defensemen and we need more than two lines at best. The Hawks used to be scary to play against – not anymore.

Honestly, with all the crap that’s happened – constant trading away of favorite players (because they have to, I know), steady decline that’s probably going to continue for a while, and most importantly, I’m not a Patrick Kane apologist and I really don’t even get that excited about the Hawks because of this, I don’t even know where I am as a fan. As much as I can compartmentalize the rest of the team from Kane because they aren’t shitbags just because he is, it’s still really tough for me to root for them anyway. And I was having that trouble last year, when they weren’t doing things like losing to the Preds in four games, and before Andrew Shaw went off the deep end too. And while Shaw is gone, that’s not really it.

Last year it was just that Kane’s a shitbag (and to lesser extent, no Sharp and no Saad.) Now it’s that, plus the writing’s kind of on the wall, and I’m becoming more and more of a Leafs fan.

I’m beginning to wonder if the Leafs are actually my favorite team. I’ve been following them as closely as I follow the Hawks since 2010. I don’t get to watch that many games of theirs because of where I live and they don’t broadcast them. They’ve been bad for a long time, but in reality the Blackhawks won the Cup in 2013 – and while I was super happy about that, I had residual depression the whole playoffs after the Leafs lost in round one to Boston. (IT WAS 4-1!!) And now they’re finally becoming the team that their rebuild was for, and they’re only going to get better. Sure, they were never going to win the Cup this year, but they made the playoffs and they gave the Caps a run for their money. They really ARE the new Blackhawks. There’s a lot about the team that reminds me of the 2010 Hawks, only with three rookies and not two.

The Sharks were my second favorite team for a long time, but in 2012 when they signed Raffi Torres, they just kind of went to being a team I liked. And while they finally got rid of him last year and kind of re-elevated to being a legit second favorite, they didn’t set that in stone. Having followed the Leafs this year, using all their rookies in my fantasy team, worrying more about them making the playoffs than anything, and the series they just had, they definitely surpassed the Sharks into second favorite no matter what – and I’m not sure they haven’t surpassed the Hawks in the process.

Obviously I’ve been a Hawks fan all my life because, well, proximity. Dad has season tickets when I was a kid and I’d go to a lot of them with him even on school nights. It didn’t matter that they were bad for most of these years, but they were. When I started to follow the sport as closely as I follow wrestling, it was the year Toews and Kane started, and obviously they started to get good. Within two years they won the Cup.

The year they won the Cup is the year I subsequently started following the Leafs, and it was kind of just on accident. I watched a playoffs predictions video on Youtube by Steve Dangle, a Leafs fan, found it amusing, and I’ve been subscribed to him ever since. He makes videos about every Leafs game. You want to know how I know so much about the Leafs? Now you do. The first couple of years I was probably just watching, but it was probably their playoff run in 2013 that solidified them as third favorite. Steve started a podcast right after that playoff run and I listen to that every week since then, too. That’s where most of it came from.

The least important reason is because the Hawks may be on their way down. Maybe they aren’t and this is just a bump in the road – but it’s hard to look into the future and see major changes coming. But obviously we’ve seen many players leave – many that I love. Byfuglien and Ladd in 2010. Bolland in 2013. And most importantly, Sharp in 2015. Also Saad, but Sharp is my favorite player, bar none. And I’m not sure I’ll get over that one. Getting him back wouldn’t change it either. Losing Sharp and Saad will always be another one. But the biggest will always be Kane being a dumpster fire of a human being. Sure, he’s a great hockey player – whoop-do-fucking-do – but I just don’t think I can ever really root for this team as strongly as I used to with him here.

I can’t attack other teams for similar things and not attack the Blackhawks just because I’ve been a fan all my life. I’ve attacked Colorado for letting Semyon Varlamov play even though he beat his girlfriend, or Nashville for letting Mike Ribiero play even though he sexually harassed his nanny, if I remember correctly. I think L.A. actually got rid of Slava Voynov when he beat his girlfriend too? I’m certainly not going to just gloss over what Patrick Kane did. As someone who considers himself a feminist, that’s certainly not going to happen.

I’m never going to actively root AGAINST the Hawks, but it’s tough for me to root for them in this situation. I’ll still be happy for the rest of them if they succeed, but I won’t be as excited when they do either. I probably can’t judge what my gut reaction would be to watching them win the Cup again would be – I just know that the past two, I cried, and if they did again, I’m not sure that I would.

The only things about my Hawks fandom that I’ve always had that I’m 100% positive will always remain intact are that I will defend Corey Crawford always and I will call you an idiot if you don’t think Jonathan Toews is one of the best players in the world. (This is actually a common trend in the past two months, btw.) And I will always be able to watch previous championships happily because nothing was wrong then. And I will always still watch them – I’ll watch almost any hockey game I can find.

The best time of year is here again. The Stanley Cup Playoffs begin tomorrow. And for once, because I have had a very different work schedule, I actually watched more hockey this season than I have in recent years. Mostly Hawks of course, and not as much Leafs as I’d have liked. I also did fantasy hockey for the first time so I’ve been pretty on top of all things Hawks, Leafs, Oilers, Blue Jackets, and Penguins, as most of my players came from these teams. It’s been a weird season in the NHL. The Oilers AND the Leafs and the Blue Jackets are in the playoffs, and two of them have 100 points or more. The Red Wings AREN’T in the playoffs. The Blue Jackets and the Wild both had really long winning streaks – Columbus was at 15 and Minnesota had 12 – and they faced each other – Columbus won. This is basically a sign of the world coming to an end – but given the current state of the government, well yeah it pretty much is. The Avalanche were so god awful that as of February 3rd, they could’ve played 82 full games at their current pace and had no other teams play AT ALL and they still wouldn’t make the playoffs. Anyways, let’s get into it.

————–Eastern Conference————————-

(1) Washington Capitals vs. (WC2) Toronto Maple Leafs

The Washington Capitals won the President’s Trophy again with almost 120 points. And as long as they can make the Cup Finals, they’ve got a really good shot to finally win the Cup. And at this point, they almost have to – the longer it takes, the less chance they’ll have because they’re only getting older.

The Toronto Maple Leafs made the playoffs!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOO! I’m more excited about this than anything going into the playoffs. They were the worst team in the league last year and now they’re the last team to clinch a playoff spot. Auston Matthews, William Nylander, and Mitch Marner broke basically ALL of the records that existed for Leafs rookies. If you didn’t realize, this team is basically the Blackhawks from ’08-’10ish in terms of where they are. They’re certainly not going to win the Cup this year, but they’re on the trajectory those Hawks were. (They also lose tons of multi-goal leads like the Blackhawks do.) It’s going to be more difficult for them to do it so quickly if their conference stays as it is now for a while, and they’re going to need to strengthen their defense quite a bit.

Obviously the Capitals are going to win, but don’t count the Leafs out. They were never supposed to even get to a game 7 with Boston and have a 4-1 lead before they blew that in 2013, and this team is most definitely better than that one. You can say the Capitals are better than those Bruins, but those Bruins made the Finals. And the Leafs have beaten the Caps this year. But, Caps in 6.

(2) Pittsburgh Penguins vs. (3) Columbus Blue Jackets

The Pittsburgh Penguins are here, and what else is new? Just don’t you dare call Jonathan Toews a generational talent or all the Crosby fans will come at you with pitchforks because somehow calling Toews one of the best hockey players in the world somehow makes Crosby not one of the best hockey players in the world. Calm the fuck down. If you don’t think Toews is one of the best players in the world your opinion is bad and you should feel bad.

The Columbus Blue Jackets are here and have more than a 100 points and had a 16 game winning streak this season. That’s what Brandon Saad, Zack Werenski, and Sergei Bobrovsky can do for you apparently. Unfortunately their cannon is coming with them.

This is one of the toughest series to call. Werenski is injured and I’m not sure if he’s going to be back. If that’s the case then it’s definitely the Penguins – but I think the Jackets will be a tough matchup for them.

(1) Montreal Canadiens vs. (WC1) New York Rangers

The Montreal Canadiens won their division despite the much maligned Subban for Weber trade over the offseason.

The New York Rangers have 103 points and a wild card team because the Metropolitan division is ridiculous.

Montreal to win – Rangers’ goaltending hasn’t been as good as it usually is, although they have 103 points in spite of that.

(2) Ottawa Senators vs. (3) Boston Bruins

The Ottawa Senators are here. Hurray? I feel like the Senators are the most ignored team in the league that makes the playoffs every now and then. They almost choked though.

The Boston Bruins have made the playoffs on the back of Brad Marchand whom apparently was in the scoring race for most of the season.

I feel like I could never pick Ottawa for anything so Bruins.

——————Western Conference——————————-

(1) Anaheim Ducks vs. (WC1) Calgary Flames

The Anaheim Ducks are still around although I’ve basically ignored them all season, but they won the division after the Sharks choked down the stretch.

The Calgary Flames have been pretty good now that they have their goalie situation figured out.

This is a tougher one for me to call. I’m saying Ducks but I wouldn’t be surprised to see Calgary win.

(2) Edmonton Oilers vs. (3) San Jose Sharks

The Edmonton Oilers are in the playoffs guys! A team that has been awful since my years as a serious hockey fan began and always in the basement is in the playoffs. Like, they’d been in the basement since 2008 when I started following the sport like I do now. It’s been almost a decade. They’re in the playoffs, they have 100 points, they’re second in their division. That’s Connor McDavid for you. (It’s why he was on my fantasy team too.) Also Leon Draisaitl and Milan Lucic and solid goaltending.

The San Jose Sharks would’ve been first in their division had they not choked down the stretch. Jones was the bane of my fantasy hockey existence.

Another tough one to call. McDavid is McDavid, but when he’s not on the ice the Oilers are noticeably not as good. But the Sharks haven’t been as good recently. I’m predicting the Sharks.

(2) Minnesota Wild vs. (3) St. Louis Blues

The Minnesota Wild fooled a lot of people into thinking they were one of the best teams in the league until they shit the bed and ended up in second instead.

The St. Louis Blues basically did the same thing as the Wild only their slump was in the middle of the season, and more recently they got back to normal.

This is tough to call too. I have to say Minnesota because they were the most consistent, but the Blues could easily beat them too.

(1) Chicago Blackhawks vs. (WC2) Nashville Predators

The Chicago Blackhawks quietly won the conference. And I say quietly because – well, was there really anything significant about this season? Kane had all those points last year, but did nothing close to it this year. It’s been more of a “winning-by-committee” kind of thing. There were a lot of injuries. Hossa’s had a pretty great season. Toews had an average first half but then picked it up. The defense is solid. The only thing is that there are a ton of rookies – the top two lines are great, but while the others have been good, it’s not something that makes the Hawks seem dangerous. Could they win? Depends who they play. If they made the finals and played anyone but the Capitals they got a shot. If they play the Capitals – I don’t like the odds.

The Nashville Predators are here, and well, we’re somewhat less bored. They do have PK Subban now and he’s awesome. But the rest are still boring, and their arena is still awful, and their fans are still trash.

Hawks in 6.

Now, as far as who I’m rooting for – well, I’m going for what I’m most excited for, in this order. Most of the ones who aren’t favorite teams are ones who has players I used in fantasy hockey.

Rooting for, in order:
1) Toronto. Second favorite team, hasn’t won since ’67, has only made the playoffs once since I started following. Matthews, Marner, Nylander, and Rielly were big for my fantasy team. I’m still upset about their loss to Boston in 2013 too. Also they’re not going to win, so fellow Hawks fans who are outraged at this for some reason, calm the hell down.
2) Chicago, obviously. But, 3 Cups since 2010 – I’m not an entitled douchebag who thinks it’s the end of the world if they fail. We’re not desperate for wins.
3) San Jose. Third favorite team.
4) Columbus. Brandon Saad! Also Saad and Werenski were big for my fantasy team too.
5) Edmonton. McDavid and Draisaitl on fantasy team.
6) Pittsburgh. Kessel, Murray, and Fleury on my fantasy team.
7) New York. Kreider on fantasy team.
8) Washington. They have to win sometime!
9) Boston. Why not?

The only teams that cannot win are the Blues, Wild, Ducks, and Predators. The Canadiens, Flames, and Senators I have no real feeling towards one way or the other.

≈ Comments Off on Rule of Block Finger: A Rule of Thumb for Staying Sane Online

Recently I decided that I wanted to make a list of all offenses that will get someone either unfollowed or blocked online without any remorse. Let’s face it, there are a lot of morons online that don’t deserve the time of day and don’t even deserve to even have you read their posts – this extensive list is a guide for whom to remove so you, if you are a rationally minded person such as myself, to stay sane. This list may grow over time. Some of these may have an explanation, some of them may not.

We’re going to start with wrestling related people:

1) Being one of those “OMGZ the Attitude Era was so much better!!!” people.
-Sure, it was great, but it wasn’t without it’s issues, and blanket statementing that even though there’s plenty of good talent today that you refuse to see makes you ignorant and not worth the time. Yes, there are problems, but the talent is NOT one of them.

2) Saying that “C.M. Punk quit on his fans.”

3) Being a “Divas Confessions” person.
-If you’re on Twitter and delve too deep into the stan territory, you’ll find that there’s a lot of people who retweet an account known as Divas Confessions. This site is run by an anonymous Tumblr where people send in comments about the women in WWE and then the Twitter anonymously posts these comments. It’s generally an A.J. Lee hate site, but it’s really a hate site for anyone that’s not on Total Divas. Mostly you’ll find insane love for anyone on Total Divas outside of Paige, and hate for any woman that has actual talent and deserves their spots. Most of these people think their favorite deserves titles just for being their favorite, without realizing their favorite sucks and doesn’t have a title because of that.

4) Calling Kevin Owens fat.

5) Being an employee within WWE and refusing to acknowledge that a show was bad just because of that. (Case in point: New Age Outlaws are like this.)

6) Being someone against intergender wrestling.

7) Hating Lucha Underground.

8) Being a TNA mark that loves everything about it and thinks everything that isn’t TNA is terrible because of that.

9) Being one of those fans that bashes other fans for not buying all the PPVs and streaming them instead. (Not so relevant anymore, but still.)

10) Being a Bella Twins stan. (With few exceptions. Most are completely irrational. Rational ones are ok, but few exist.)

11) Being an A.J. Lee hater.

12) Being one of those “This person deserves the title because they are in the company” people.
-When your favorite isn’t the champion, it’s not your job to go around social media and ranting that they aren’t. You don’t post something like #Justice4SummerRae” on WWE’s stuff when Summer Rae has done absolutely nothing to earn herself a championship run. If you want your favorite to be champion, make sure to choose a favorite who isn’t a jobber. Naomi isn’t champion but it’s not because of anything other than she’s terrible. Eva Marie is awful.

13) Refusing to believe that Nikki Bella only broke A.J.’s Title reign because WWE is a bunch of petty douchebags.

14) Droning on and on on podcasts about “how the business used to be.”
-Sorry, Jim Cornette, the wrestling business must evolve with the times. We don’t care that you sit at home crying because it’s different. Evolve with the business or stop being a petty asshole. Stop pretending that Lucha Underground isn’t the best show on tv, stop pretending intergender wrestling is bad. JR, I love you, but there shouldn’t be a requirement that every podcast of yours requires about the wrestlers needing to “slow down.”

15) Still calling the women “Divas.”

16) Being Natalya or JBL.

17) Thinking that any of the women on “Total Divas” sans Paige are better than A.J. Lee, Paige, the 4HW, Asuka, etc.
-And, if we’re all honest, then the talent is in this order:

3) Having “Retweets are not endorsements” in your bio, as if you matter, and YES, retweets are endorsements.

4) Having VERY American imagery in your profile photo or banner photo, such as American flags or bald eagles.
-This is generally a sign that you’re a douchebag.

5) Having the word “Deplorable” in your user name as if it’s a badge of honor or is a good thing.

6) Having any version of that dumb frog emoji thing on your profile, anywhere.

7) Responding to someone with four images with quotes on them. Auto block without reading.

8) Making fun of political correctness because respecting others is too logical.

9) Being any of the following:
-A Climate Change Denier
-Anti LGBT
-Racist
-Misogynist
-Anti-feminist
-Pro-Life Bullshitter
-A religion-pushing idiot
-An anti-vaxxer
-A Bernie or bust person
-One of those gun freaks that just know fucks their guns
-Someone who says “All Lives Matter” or “Blue Lives Matter” in response to “Black Lives Matter.” (Black Lives are part of All Lives so if you say All Lives then you can’t have a problem with people saying Black Lives. Morons.)
-One of those people who get offended by “Happy Holidays”

10) Responding to tweets with nothing but swears because you disagree. You can disagree, but you must send a civil response. You’ll lose the debate by default, but you won’t be blocked.

11) Calling the Democratic Party “The Left,” as if that’s supposed to make it sound like a bad thing and NOT the party of normal, sane people.

12) Calling someone a liberal without realizing that saying that as an “insult” is really a compliment, because in that case it only means “better person than me.”

13) Being DJT, being related to DJT, or being on his transition team

14) Pretending people in Hollywood don’t have a right to post their opinions online because they have a ton of followers and could influence people. Yes, that’s the point, idiots.

15) Pretending people they follow on Twitter must conform to their opinions for them to keep following them. Nope, doesn’t work like that.

16) Pretending that Obama hasn’t been the best President of my lifetime. That’s objective fact.

17) Rubber Stamp supporting DJT just because he’s not a D, even though it’s clear that even if he doesn’t get us all killed, he’s going to leave the country in shambles.

18) Pretending that DJT isn’t racist/homophobic/homophobe/etc.

19) Blaming everything on millennials.

20) Blaming the fact that you don’t have a job on the President that’s more than halved unemployment and not on the fact that you’re a pathetic, lazy, moron and just suck at life. You aren’t special.

Yea, it’s time for one of those posts again. I’ve been putting this off for days now and it just has to happen. I’ve been putting this off because we’re going to get political and when I talk about politics and someone makes the mistake of commenting with opposing views that I don’t care about it becomes a long debate which I don’t have time for. Nothing like those annoying politics debates where someone comes at you with their incorrect opinions that they think are right! That’s the fun part about these posts – not that anyone reads them anyway – these posts are called “But I’m Not Wrong” because no matter how much you want to spew your bullshit and disagree with me, the only response I need to give you is in the title. That’s why you’ll notice that the comments are off – because I absolutely do not care if you disagree with me because you’re wrong! And you even know you’re wrong! I’ve already informed you of the fact that you are wrong if you disagree with me because the name of my post is literally that I am not wrong, and thus that makes you wrong! So you can’t even say you don’t already know that you’re wrong! So don’t bother trying to respond here or anywhere else, because I will not be talking about it anywhere. I don’t care if I offend you – if you become offended by anything of what I’m going to say in this post, that’s good! I hope you all get offended. IT’S THE INTERNET AND I’M OFFENDED! Oh, and liberals, I’m on your side, don’t worry. Liberals get more offended online so I should brace this statement by saying that this is basically pro-liberal. Usually when someone says “I don’t care if I offend someone” it’s usually a conservative because they’re the ones afraid of political correctness. So, if I offend anyone with this, I’ll probably only offend the right kind of people now. Because pissing off Republicans is fun! We should all try it more often!

But first, sports! Or sports-related things! Because ‘Merica!

Now, I’ve written about this before. And I wrote about it in a fairly rational way. (It’s called “A Blackhawks Fan’s Conundrum:” (Skip the first part about Patrick Sharp) https://mzrc.wordpress.com/2016/01/13/a-blackhawks-fans-conundrum/) It’s about Patrick Kane and it’s about what you think it’s about. Now, that was the rational part, and for the most part, this part of the post will still be rational/non-ranting.

Patrick Kane won the MVP trophy, among two others, the other night at the NHL awards. Woohoo. Now, we can argue that the NHL awards mean jackshit, because they pretty much do – I mean, Corey Crawford wasn’t nominated for the Vezina and Braden Holtby won it when Crawford was basically responsible for the Hawks making the playoffs and Holtby was also behind a high scoring team who played 60 of their 82 games against mediocre at best teams in the Eastern Conference, which is easy to do. But taking these awards at face value, someone who is highly probable to be a rapist was just given the MVP.

Now, I know the first thing you said was “THE CASE WAS DROPPED YOU ASSHOLE” because you like to support your sports heroes who are totally your friends and so on. Because, it’s totally okay to defend someone from rape charges just because they are your friend! (#RapeDoneByYourFriendsIsStillRape #Crime) What you don’t get is, just because what followed during the investigation was a complete and utter circus, doesn’t mean it didn’t actually happen. That’s wishful thinking.

“Oh you weren’t there you don’t know what happened!” says the person in the corner who also wasn’t in the room so he or she doesn’t know what happened.

See, I live in a world where you believe the victim before you support the rich sports star who plays for the team you like.

“But there was no DNA!” I hear you, meathead in the back, I hear you.

Has it crossed your mind that, even in the case that it started as consensual, and he used a condom, and then she said no and he refused to stop – you’re aware that’s still rape, right? Because that explains that.

Nothing that’s come out from the investigation leads me to believe that the victim is lying. It’s a sad world we live in that the victim of a crime should be ridiculed by random people on the internet for wanting someone to go to jail for their crimes – because that’s what happens to most, if not all, that accuse celebrities of crimes. Because a ton of people can’t understand that their precious hero was capable of such a thing, they feel the need to attack the victim instead of feeling sympathy for them. Everyone just automatically assumes the victim is lying because it fits what they want in their head. Are there false accusations? Sure. But you don’t automatically assume things are false.

For example, there was a second accusation of Patrick Kane sometime later which was false. It was proven he was on a plane at that this happened. That’s a false accusation. The first one wasn’t false, at least with what the general public knows.

So now, Patrick Kane gets to win the MVP award for a season he shouldn’t have even gotten to play, to be perfectly honest. Do the stats that accrued support the MVP win? Undeniably, yes. But that doesn’t make me feel good about it. In the end, the only thing that wins you these awards are stats, and his stats show that he should have indeed won it.

But then there’s the fact that, again, he never should have gotten those stats. He should have been suspended until at least the investigation was over. The Hawks can’t do anything about whether he’s convicted or not – they can only decide to allow him to play or not. And rationally, while he’s under investigation for something, he should not have played. Now, we know nothing came of the investigation because of clownshoes, voodoo, wizardry, and bullshit, which the Hawks have no control over – but at that point the suspension could have been lifted. I could forgive the Hawks for having done that. They can’t trade him or buy him out because his contract is $10.5 million – anyone thinking the Hawks could possibly do that has hate blinders on (I mean, I guess Arizona could possibly have taken on that contract or someone close to the cap floor, but even then, who’s going to take someone who might end up in prison?)

I’ve been told that “Kane shouldn’t have a potentially MVP-winning season taken away from him” as if his accomplishments post-crime exonerate him for doing it. First off, you didn’t know what kind of season he was going to have, and yes, he did deserve to have it taken away from him. Nothing you can say can make it right that he played while under investigation for rape.

Now, I can’t bring myself to not be a fan of the Blackhawks. I’ve loved them since I was three. So now I have to deal with the fact that I root for a team that just lets this go. I admire the fans who are able to divorce themselves from a team that they loved and moved on to root for someone else. I can’t.

One player being bad does not make the rest of them bad. Toews has done nothing wrong. Crawford has done nothing wrong. Seabrook has done nothing wrong. Keith has done nothing wrong. Shaw….OOPS BAD EXAMPLE.

Now, Shaw got traded the other day because he wanted $4.5 million when he’s barely worth $2 if you’re being generous. But, all he does is take stupid penalties almost every game, and yea, get suspended for using homophobic slurs. He wore out his welcome to me before that suspension anyway, but considering that he did that made it his time to go. That is unacceptable. And also, he has a pretty high sense of self-worth if he thinks he deserves that much money. Thank God they didn’t sign that contract because it’s another Bryan Bickell waiting to happen.

It’s sad, because I did like Shaw for a while. But now he’s on Montreal. Apparently Canadiens fans are happy they got a “character guy” when the guy used a homophobic slur. Yea. “Character.” Good luck with that, considering having a ton of guys like him on the team already isn’t what fucked up the team there to begin with, along with no Price and a bad coach.

And I see someone saying that they’re going to boycott the team because they traded Shaw. LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL. (#5LOLs) YOU ARE STUPID. ANDREW SHAW IS NOT WHAT MADE THIS TEAM GOOD. Same guy said something like “How do you expect to have a fanbase after all of the ones you just broke today?” because of the trade. NEWS FLASH YOU FUCKING MORON: THERE WAS SOMETHING THAT BROKE THIS FANBASE APART AND IT HAPPENED LAST YEAR IN AUGUST. SOMETHING THAT I WAS WRITING ABOUT EARLIER. YOU FUCKING DIPSHIT. NO ONE IS BOYCOTTING THE TEAM AND NO ONE IS BROKEN BECAUSE ANDREW SHAW WAS TRADED. THE HAWKS DON’T NEED HIM AND CERTAINLY DON’T WANT HIM FOR 4.5 MILLION DOLLARS. OH I’M SORRY THEY TRADED YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE FAVORITE GUY THAT DIDN’T REALLY BRING THAT MUCH TO THE TEAM EXCEPT FOR BAD PENALTIES BECAUSE THEY DIDN’T WANT TO PAY SOMEONE ALMOST 5 MILLION FOR THE ALL THOSE HITS WHICH WON’T WIN YOU A HOCKEY GAME AND IF YOU’RE LUCKY A GOAL HERE AND THERE – WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THEY TRADED ACTUAL IMPORTANT PEOPLE LAST YEAR LIKE SHARP AND SAAD? (THE LATTER OF WHICH WANTED TOO MUCH TOO.) FUCK. Like, 5 million dollars is the price of a good 2nd liner these days and you think a 4th liner should get that much money? Fuck outta here. I realize Toews and Kane make 10.5 million but that’s because (objectively speaking) their hockey talent is worth that. THAT DOESN’T MEAN THAT 4TH LINERS GET 4.5 BECAUSE THE FIRST LINERS GET 10.5. YOU’RE STILL A 4TH LINER WHO PLAYS LIKE A 3RD LINER ON A GOOD DAY SO WHY SHOULD YOU GET ALMOST 5 MILLION WHEN THAT’S OBJECTIVELY WHAT A GOOD 2ND LINER SHOULD GET?

It pleases me that they managed to trade Bickell and I’m quite pleased that they weren’t stupid enough to sign Shaw for that money. It’s too bad Teravainen had to go too. What the Hawks really need is defense. Keith, Seabrook, and Hjalmarsson can’t do it alone.

Anyways, I think I’ve offended the blind Patrick Kane totally didn’t do it supporters enough for today, so now I’m going to move on to offending the people who love their guns so much that they have sex with them.

Because they will fight to make sure they get to keep them so much that they must absolutely be fucking them. It’s clearly the only sex they get. It’s just a matter of time before we read the headline “Moron Accidentally Shoots Dick Off.” Talk about a gun nut.

So 50 people get shot up at a night club and they’re all rushing to tell you about how it’s not the gun’s fault. Because in this country guns have more rights than most women and minorities.

“GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE.”

Yea but you can’t shoot someone without a gun. (Well, unless you’ve got a crossbow handy, I suppose….)

It’s really weird that the first thing people do after someone gets shot is to defend the inanimate object. The thing that doesn’t have rights at all. It’s like they think that the guns will have it’s feelings hurt and will contemplate suicide or something if it has all of these people thinking it doesn’t deserve to exist. It’s too bad conservatives worry so much about an inanimate object’s feelings instead of constantly marginalized minority groups – if they did it the other way around then maybe we would live in a decent country.

“The sit in is a publicity stunt!” says the party whose candidate for president is a publicity stunt – just like their countless attempts to repeal healthcare, kill planned parenthood and taking away basic women’s rights, worrying too much about where people pee because of some unwarranted fear, homophobia, and so on.

The sit in is only sad because it shouldn’t be necessary. It should be voted on and it should be logical to those of sound mind that these laws are necessary.

These people have nothing to do with their lives. Like, seriously – tons of people die because of this, then people talk about it online, and they’re just waiting in the bowels of the social media world, just ready to attack everything that says something about guns. If any of them are reading this they are just waiting to attack this post with all of their poorly educated responses. Actually they didn’t even bother to read this, they just saw the word gun, assumed, and went to blab about their automated responses without even reading the whole thing. When they saw that this post has comments off they tried to post it on my Money in the Bank review instead, as if I’ll even approve the comment. As if I’ll even bother reading it. They might subtweet my blog with a link on Twitter so a bunch of other fuckups do the same. When I say I don’t care about what anyone else has to say about this post I mean it – I legitimately don’t. And I don’t have to give you the ability to comment on it. This is my blog, and I decide how it is regulated. This is not a public forum – this is where I can put my thoughts out there and if I don’t want a debate about it, I don’t have to have it. Don’t like it, unfollow. I don’t have to post things that everyone who reads it has to agree with. If you don’t like it, go make your own post. Send it to me if you like. I won’t read it.

You have a right to your opinion. You don’t have a right to argue with me about something I won’t be argued with about on my own blog. The “First Amendment Zone” is not near my blog.

(The “First Amendment Zone” is apparently going to be a thing at the RNC where protestors can go protest because that’s what they do. I’m against picketing but I don’t know how to show it. Anyways, it’s nice that that there are zones where the first amendment is allowed but the second amendment has to be allowed everywhere.)

You know, that second amendment that has to do with militias and not civilians. IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT US. IT’S ABOUT THE MILITARY. BUT TALK ABOUT GUNS AND THEY’LL BE RIGHT THERE DEFENDING THEIR PRECIOUS LITTLE KILLING OBJECTS FROM YOUR FIRST AMENDMENT RIGHTS.

A celebrity tweets about them and gets attacked by all the morons, getting to stick to “what they know.” As if the people attacking them know anything about it. Maybe they should stick to what they know.

People act like celebrities have to represent all of their beliefs because they are following them. If you follow someone on twitter, you follow them for THEIR opinions. You do not follow them to MAKE SURE THEY REPRESENT YOUR OPINIONS. YOU DO NOT CONTROL THEM. Morons.

You bring it up and they bring up people dying from other things. THAT IS LITERALLY THE DUMBEST WAY TO REACT. “More people are killed by alcohol so are we going to ban that?”

*Crazed murderer went into club with bottles upon bottles of alcohol and poured it on 50 people and they all died.*

Wait, what?

PEOPLE CANNOT GO INTO A PLACE AND MURDER PEOPLE WITH ALCOHOL.

Well they could but it’d be so ineffective and inefficient.

“Hi, I want to kill as many people as I can – how should I do it? Oh I can make them all drink a ton! Then I’m going to make sure they all drive home and hope they crash! Wait, all I have is tons of alcohol and nothing forcing them to drive. And not all of them have cars. And not all of them came alone.”

How dumb does that sound?

None of that makes any sense.

“This would be stopped by a good guy with a gun.”

Yea, no.

Good guy with gun tries to kill person with assault rifle, gets shot, and killed.
Good guy with gun gets killed by police because they arrived and have no idea that this guy with a gun isn’t the shooter so they killed him too.
Good guy with gun accidentally shoots someone else by accident.

SEE HOW GOOD OF AN IDEA THIS IS??

The answer to guns is NEVER more guns.

“What if there had been a good guy with a gun in the bar?”
I don’t know, what if the guy hadn’t been armed? How would that have changed things?

I’m not for taking away guns completely – let’s make that clear. I’m fine with people having them at home for self defense, although I still think that’s stupid, too. People with guns in their home are more likely to get killed by that gun than they are to need to use that gun for self defense. (Self defense aka legal murder!)

“People should be allowed to bring guns into bars.”

Yea, so when fuckboys get turned down by yet another girl they’ll shoot her because they can’t handle rejection. Or those bar fights will turn into shootouts.

“But it was the radical Islam! Say that it was radical Islam! Jackal! Jackal! Is it a Jackal?”
You know, that guy that was completely Americanized and part of our culture, shooting up a gay club because of how conservatives demonize the LGBT community.

Obviously ISIS is a thing but that’s not the cause of everything. It’s easy for anyone to randomly say “Hey I’m part of ISIS because I totally said so so here I’m going to kill all these people” and just be some random guy.

You know how many people called in saying that they were the Zodiac Killer? LOL.

LET’S BUILD A WALL!

WHO CARES WE’RE GOING TO KILL EACH OTHER FROM THE INSIDE!

THE WORLD HATES US BECAUSE OF OBAMA!

LOL NO. Obama is great. He’s one of the best presidents we’ve had – at least in recent memory. He’s at least the second best president since I’ve been alive. Whether he’s above Clinton or below, I don’t know. I wonder where Hillary is going to rank.

The world hates us for all of the hate we spew at minorities. Where do you think that comes from? Mostly conservatives. I’m not saying there are no racist/homophobic/sexist liberals – there certainly are – but if you already are one of those things, it’s pretty easy to pick a party. And if you pick a random conservative out of the hat – well, odds are….

Granted, I only know a few conservatives. All of them are smart. They may have distorted viewpoints, but they are smart. I respect them. None of them are racists, sexists, or homophobic.

(Except for one who openly admits it.)

I really don’t know how people in my age group can even be conservatives, honestly.

“Should I buy a gun?” logic tree:

No I should not. —–> Good job!

Yes, I should buy a gun.

Are you going to use the gun?

No, I’m not going to use the gun. —-> Then why are you wasting your money buying it, you dope!

Yes, I’m going to use it. —–> Who in the world are you planning to kill? Arrest that person!

If you’re going to buy a gun with intent to use it, then you should immediately be put under suspicion. A gun’s entire point is to kill. It literally has no other purpose. Sure, knives are dangerous as fuck too, but they have other purposes too, and are more difficult to hurt someone with. It’s awfully easy to kill someone with a gun – just aim and pull a trigger. Or kill someone by accident, too. An it’s even easier when it’s a rifle that shoots a lot of rounds in a short spurt.

“I totally need to be able to own an assault rifle!”

GOOD GOD WHY? How many people do are you planning on killing? NO CIVILIAN NEEDS AN ASSAULT RIFLE YOU FOOL.

“Obama’s coming for our guns!!!”

Like, when? It’s too bad he never did, to be honest – a lot of people would still be alive.

“We’re going to have to have an armed march on Washington and take our country back!”

Take our country back from what? A good President? You know all of the bad things that have happened – read: the stuff that hasn’t gotten done – are because of the conservatives in congress acting like babies? Because, you know, Obama’s done great things for the country – brought us out of that depression or recession Bush got us into, lowered unemployment, better gas prices, gay marriage, Obamacare, etc. All of this while taking completely unwarranted abuse from people for the most part because he’s black – OMG HE SALUTED WITH A COFFEE CUP IN HIS HAND! ZOMG HOW DISRESPECTFUL! says the people who are actually being disrespectful.

*Uses Executive Action* OH HE’S ACTING LIKE A KING.

YEA WELL DO SOMETHING IN CONGRESS THEN SO HE DOESN’T HAVE TO.

*Supreme Court Justice dies* *Selects choice for replacement* “Nah you’re black you don’t get to make a choice.”

“He’s a lame duck president.” Says the party that made sure to block everything he tried to do and tried countless times to overturn the things he did do. Lame duck congress is more like it.

“MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”

WHEN THE HELL WAS IT GREAT BEFORE? How many more degrees of racism, sexism, and homophobia do you need before “America becomes great again?” Because if we’re implying America was once great at a time when these things were greater than they are now – not that they’re anywhere near gone now, but it’s better than it used to be.

“Donald Trump isn’t racist!”

Says the racist who doesn’t realize what Trump is saying is racist because what he says he thinks is a normal thing to say and thus not racist. Because racism.

So, has anyone made it to the end of this? Have you made it to the end without being offended at all? If so, gold star! Did you make it here and get offended? GOOD I’M SO GLAD I OFFENDED YOU!

If I offended you, I bet you called me a liberal at some point. Because you probably think “liberal” is a bad word. Did you know the definition of liberal is good person?

Did you make it to the end of the post, disagree with me completely, but not get offended? Then, also, gold star! You’re still wrong, but gold star! I respect you.

Anyways, I think that’s all for this super mega ultra rant. Needed to get that off my mind – and considering nobody reads this anyway, I don’t really care. If someone did read this and get offended, LOL! When it comes down to it, you may think I’m an asshole – and an asshole, I may be. What I know though, is that I may be an asshole, BUT I’M NOT WRONG.