I never thought I’d actually enjoy learning Arabic Grammar. Before the test yesterday, I sought extra help from the TAs and ended up with Ust. A. She gave me a formula for figuring out how to compose Murakkab Naqisah, and I have to say it’s so cool!

For the first exam, they handed out scratch paper. I was like, “Whaa?” What would I need scratch paper for? This is Arabic, right? Not math! But this week, I understood. And I realized,

“Wow, Arabic grammar is like math in a way!”

I actually really enjoyed figuring out the different fragments, it’s much like detective work. Now, why didn’t we do this in high school when we were learning Arabic??? I had to go through that Arabic ‘trauma’ first?

Next week, we should start learning about sentences. I remember actually studying my Al Huda grammar textbook and we had gotten to the different types of sentences and also up to sarf. I have a feeling sarf is my weak point because it’s mostly auditory. We’ll see in sha Allah.

I had my first child when I was 19/20. I was still in college, junior year. So, I only had 2 years or college as a single student. So, in a way, I have been handed this juggling act ever since I became a mother. Those 2 years of college were really something. I hated Computer Science (long unnecessary story of why I even took it), and everyday of those 2 years, I would think of my babies at the babysitter. Right after class ended, I’d rush home because biology of nursing demanded that I nurse my babies right away. My husband was the main motivator, coach, whatever you want to call it. If it was up to me, I wanted to quit because I hated Computer Science with a passion. Yet, I was also stubborn enough not to give in to the stereotypical expectations of people who don’t agree with young people getting married in college because the women will end up not finishing up their degrees because of the marriage. I was pregnant in my junior year, and pregnant in my senior year. Had my husband been a typical chauvinistic man, I don’t think I would have graduated college that easily. It was teamwork. I had to do what I had to do. He had to do what he had to do. But he pushed me to finish what I needed to finish.

When he told me to do Dream, I knew we could do it as a team. We had gone through this before. He had always supported me alhamdulillah. The other night, Z kept coming to me asking stuff, and I was studying. Hubs took care of the matter and told him not to bother me at that time. Before that, hubs also told me to study. So, I’m not really worried about hubs not helping out.

The thing is, because he has to go to work and he goes right after he prays fajr at the masjid (to avoid traffic, so he can come home before 5), the task of dropping and picking up the kids are left to me.

Being Juli, I had planned out our whole schedule way before Bayyinah started, way back in late July, and then again in August. Suffice it to say, I was reminded that we can plan, but Allah is the true planner. We didn’t want H to attend full time hifdh because of the logistics of the kids being at home, but the opportunity came, I sought advice, and let’s just say that Allah Al Lateef put him in full time hifdh school. That changed our whole plan! Subhanallah…

As for S, let’s just say that getting her into North Lake Community College for dual credit was a test in itself. It involved countless visits to the college, realizing that ‘looking young’ when you’re walking with your daughter is not necessarily flattering (they thought I was her busy body friend tagging along), and plunging S into a stack of boxes to find her PSAT score. Oh and let’s not forget the exasperation in the process of getting her shot record. After we thought the worst was over, we ended up meeting with a new dual credit advisor, who told us that her PSAT scores don’t count.

Being a Malay and being Juli, I won’t usually protest to things, and I’d just nod and say yes. But, that…was too much. I pulled an American consumer, though it was a lame American consumer I must say. All the while behind the niqab, I asked Allah to make it easy and alhamdulillah, before we knew it, S was registered for her classes and the orientation.

Sob, sob, my first born was going to college! Mommy moment! So, on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have to leave the house by 7:15, drop S at NLC, drop H at the masjid, and go to Bayyinah campus. Before Bayyinah started, I had several trial runs of the route I would be taking. I was so stressed out.

Then I decided that being stressed out that early in the morning is not good for the kids, nor for me, so I calmed down. As long as I could be on campus before 8 am, I’m good. So far, so good, alhamdulillah.

I’ve never dealt with morning school bus traffic before and oh boy, it’s not fun. Yet, after dropping both kids off, during my drive to campus, I felt peace. That was the time when I was by myself, I had those 3-4 minutes to myself, and that’s when I’d do some azhkaar. I don’t know why, but on those Tuesdays and Thursdays mornings, when I had both S and H with me in the van, I’d feel melancholic. Those 3 older kids were once young. Now, the oldest is in college (well, not technically, but physically). I’d be slapped right and left with a mixture of emotions, and I’d feel so blessed. That 3-4 min drive is then like spiritual therapy for me, alhamdulillah. You have this big expanse of blue that is the sky. If you focus on the morning traffic, yeah, you might feel stress, but Allah made the sky as a canopy over our heads.

We can always look up, and the calming blue would always point back to its Creator. That’s why it’s called an ayah, a sign, that points back to its origin, its Creator. I had my own theory on why Allah made certain things certain colors. This is what happens when you’re stuck in New Mexico for 5 years and all you see a lot of is desert and blue sky and beautiful night sky, subhanallah!!!! How can you NOT think of Allah then?

The sky calms me down, and I love that our classroom has these windows, thought the fact that they’re tinted depresses me a bit. I understand why it’s tinted, but, oh well. The one time that I was sitting way up at the front, I found myself staring at the highways. They’re so congested, all the way up to 9 am! It was only then too that I realized that the masjid was right across those highways. My sense of direction is way off. In New Mexico, you see blue sky and desert and the mountains. Here in Dallas, you see highways!

It made me think, subhanallah, you really know what you are looking for in life. All this pest control fiasco made me yearn for jannah even more. No bugs in Jannah. No pest control in Jannah.

Dallas has a great community, it has a lot to offer. It might not be the most beautiful of places, but it really depends on what you’re looking for at certain stages in your life. This is the worldly life. Nothing is perfect. You have pros and cons. They’re mostly mixed. But in the akhirah, your pros and cons are separated, which reminds me of the word mayz. (we got our Arabic keyboard stickers today, but it’ll take me a while to learn to type with them). Allah separates pros and cons in the akhirah. Complete separation. This dunya, is a place where good and bad are mixed together and we have to distinguish them based on the guidance we are sent with. But in the akhirah, Allah draws a very fine line between pros and cons. No more mixing. We’ve gone through the test of this dunya, it’s done.

So, if we’re not clear on what is pro and what is cons, and we don’t have the guidance, we’re in big trouble. That’s why Allah sent us guidance. Out of His mercy. Subhanallah Subhanallah…

The first few weeks we moved to Dallas, even though I consider it green (compared to New Mexico), I suddenly missed Ohio. I realized that Ohio is greener (duh Juli!). There is something about colors. Allah mentions green in the Quran in surah Ar Rahman, to things related to Jannah. There is something about those cool colors. The psychology of colors. I love colors!

In all seriousness, despite the morning driving routine, I treasure those 3-4 minutes that I have to myself before starting the Bayyinah day. It puts me in a different frame of mind, ready to get to work. Amazingly, opportunity for dhuha prayer is also opened up on these mornings. Subhanallah, I’ve been worried about losing my Zuhr sunnahs during Bayyinah way back since even before we moved to Dallas. 15 minutes for Zuhr, that doesn’t leave much time for my usual sunnah, what with making wudhu etc. I knew that seeking ilm is superior to ibaadah, I’ve heard it so many times in Sh Omar’s classes and elsewhere, but I had to ask him the same question when he came to visit us on I forgot what day it was.

As a mother juggling different things, I find that often times, you have to just know you’re different, and not apply everything that is said to you. You know your own situations, you know what you can realistically do and cannot do. But I couldn’t help it. I had to raise my hand and have Sh Omar address us moms too. Reminders are beneficial to the believers. True dat.

I think of all the other moms in this year’s batch. Subhanallah, each of us has different tests. If my kids were all young, I honestly don’t know if I can even juggle this. I don’t know if I’m strong enough for that. But these other moms who have younger kids, masha Allah, Allah will not burden them beyond what they can bear, so they are strong enough to shoulder this. May Allah make it easy on all of us and give us tawfeeq to benefit from this and put barakah in it and put us in His service. Ameen!