You Could Be Making An Extra $250 A Week Selling Your Rank Turds

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Guess what? All those heinous shits you do everyday could be earning you money, but instead, you’re just flushing them down the dang toilet. Every flush is costing you 50 bucks that could be in your wallet, folks.

The Centre for Digestive Diseases is crying out for actual human shit and they’ll pay you $50 for each donation you make. That’s an extra $250 per week you could be raking in just for shitting in a plastic container. Sounds like a good deal to me.

You see, the centre uses your poop for faecal transplants, a process being trialled to treat conditions like autism, multiple sclerosis and chronic diarrhoea. Your shit is in high demand, folks, which is why they’re willing to dish out cash to get their hands on yours.

Don’t start shovelling up your poop just yet, folks, there’s a few caveats to consider. Firstly, you’ll need to live within an hour of the centre, which is located in Five Dock in Sydney‘s inner west, because they want that shit fresh. We’re talking within a couple of hours of pinching it off.

You’ll also need to fill out a form, have a blood test, and provide three samples to make sure you’re an eligible donor. They’re not after rank turds, so you’ll need to be in good shape, meaning you have to be a healthy weight and eat foods including wholemeal bread and pasta, fresh vegetables, and fruits.