Friday, April 19, 2013

Editors at SheeBloop, which is compiling a supercut of all the scenes in movies in which a crying person taking a shower punches the wall, need time to rest their weary eyes. So CEO Farg Donaldson installed a special weeping willow made to exacting Fern Gully specifications that emits dopamine instead of pollen. Mangoes are freshly cut with machetes in SheeBloop's lobby, but Donaldson encourages workers to use their feeding tubes. "Chewing just slows us down," one editor rasped behind his hermetic mask. "And it's bad for team building."