Beeming

Illustration by Bob AulTo the rich guy at the car wash. Man, I'm a fool. I learned years ago that you should never, ever walk up to a fat lady with congratulations for her pregnancy. So when I saw you scraping the W04 sticker off the window of your brand-new BMW, I should've just shut my mouth. I thought I was seeing one of the first signs of a new awakening—a manifestation that so many people who voted for Bush now recognize what the rest of us already knew: the Iraq war was groundless, the economy's a wreck, the Christian right is grasping for control of every aspect of our lives. That voting for Bush was plain dumb. But you don't regret your decision at all. You're buying a new BMW to replace the one you bought less than two years ago—"with my tax refund," you explained pleasantly. "Have you seen the new 8 series? It's got this 12-cylinder engine that's so fucking cool . . ." And then my vision went fuzzy and my brain went on the fritz. I think I walked away while you were detailing horsepower and torque. I'm sorry. Best wishes.