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Tap Ball Act 1: Premium Walkthrough

Nelson’s new skin, a romanian looking building for sport, a skin for Lisa from back in the day we had to send eggs all over our friends town and a store paroding LEGO. This are the premium items offered in the act 1 of the event. Follow us after the jump to read the funny dialogues and quests attached to them in our walkthrough.First, we’ve the premium building, Sportacus!

Highland Games

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Ach, a sporting-goods store! Willie needs some equipment for that grand Scottish tradition — the Highland Games!You there — clerk! I want to buy a caber. It’s a long, heavy wooden pole, tapered at one end–I know what they are. Aisle 6.Wait, yer sayin’ you actually carry cabers?The sign says “All your sports equipment needs.” I’ve never known a sign to lie.Usually the way this works is, I go to a store, ask them if they have some ridiculous Scottish thing, and they act like they’ve never heard of it.This makes Willie hoppin’ mad. Then Willie punches the clerk and spends the night in jail.It’s a grand old time. I was expecting that was how this would go.No, sir. Aisle 6 for cabers.Hold on, I’m not done yet. I don’t suppose you stock any Maide Leisg?Scottish for “lazy stick,” used in traditional tests of strength. Aisle 7.Crivens! How about this — in one particularly silly event, we toss sheafs of wheat over a pole. Highest toss wins.Wheat sheafs and pitchforks are next to the tennis rackets. 20-pound and 10-pound sheafs available.What if another Scot is eyeballin’ my lass, and I need to clock him over the skull with a traditional Scottish skull-clockin’ hammer?They’re behind the CrossFit stuff.I can see you’re gonna give Willie no cause to pick a fight. And for that I will be forever sorry.

Task: Make Willie Buy Sports EquipmentTime: 8hLocation: Sportacus

Next, we’ve a skin for Nelson: Football Nelson. It unlocks in the store after completing Balls of Glory Pt. 2.

The Full Nelson Pt.1

Nelson starts

Hey, Simpson! How come the field is measured in feet instead of Nelson steps?It’s not my sport. My Dad invented it. If you want to change the rules, go bully him.Maybe I will! I’ll bully him good!Yes. Oh my God, yes. This is fantastic. Can I watch?He’s your dad. If you want to watch him get humiliated by a child, I got no right to say no.Yay!

Listen up, team. I’m not going to sugar coat this — you’re terrible Tap Ball players, and therefore terrible people.Mr. Homer, I am still not entirely clear on what I’m supposed to do with this bowling ball.YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO WIN, THAT’S WHAT!Maybe if the rules didn’t change every five minutes, we could get better.IT’S THE SIMPLEST GAME EVER INVENTED! NOW WIN! APU, BOWL THAT BALL!BART, PUTT THE BOOMERANG INTO THE THING! NELSON, GO LONG! LISA THROW THE SOCCERBALL TO NELSON!I mean, I just can’t make it any simpler for you people.

Okay, team. You’ve really been looking sharp lately. I want to try a new play.Bart, run a hook-and-ladder. Nelson, you track down the Golden Snitch. Lisa, bunt the ball for a home run.I understood precisely none of that.One-two-three hike!What am I supposed to do, again?I said hike! The hike has happened! Now go go go!

Task: Make Bart Run Into The FenceTask: Make Lisa Trip Over The BallTask: Make Football Nelson Yell AngrilyTime: 12hLocation: Stadium Entrance

I’m just…not…getting….through to you people.I’d like to suggest that maybe you’re an awful coach.That can’t be it. No, we should just run the play again until we get it right.But nobody understands–One-two-three hike!

The Full Nelson Pt.4

Lisa starts

It’s weird. I still have no idea how Tap Ball works, but I can somehow tell we’re awful at it.Eh, as long as Dad’s unhappy, I’m happy.Well, I’m sorry, but if I’m going to do something, I want to do it well.It’s weird that the same DNA could make a you and a me.We were doing so well before, though. What’s the secret?All I know is, I tend to do my best when Nelson threatens to kick my butt if I don’t.I’ve never really found any other reason to do well at anything.He is a strangely good motivator…

Task: Make Homer Eavesdrop On The KidsTime: 1hLocation: Stadium Entrance

The Full Nelson Pt.5

Homer starts

Gather ‘round, team! I’ve figured out how to make us great.Let’s run the same play as before. This time, though, I’m authorizing Nelson to atomic wedgie anyone who messes up.No team can succeed if it doesn’t bully itself. It worked for John Wooden’s UCLA basketball teams, and it can work for us.Seriously, watch the tapes. If anyone ever missed a shot, the young Lew Alcindor would subtly purple nurple him on the way back up the court.

Task: Make Soccer Lisa Kick The BallTask: Make Pin Pal Apu Bowl The BallTask: Make Bart Throw The BallTask: Make Football Nelson Score A Ball DownTime: 8hLocation: Stadium Entrance

And then, we’ve the return of the Balance Beam and Gymnastic Lisa from Whacking Day!

Gymnastic Lisa

My grade in P.E. is terrible — there’s no plus after my A! Maybe I should take gymnastics for extra credit.Ok, but you need to wear your soccer outfit on the Tap Ball field.Why can’t I play Tap Ball as a gymnast?Because that’s not what you’re wearing in all the posters, pins and bobbleheads I ordered.
System Message: Gymnastic Lisa is now available in the store!

The last one is one of the cool buildings from the Easter event, the Blocko Store, which only has some text once you place it.

Hip To Be Cubical

Oooh, the Blocko Store! Where, if you can imagine it, you can build it!The doctor says I was born without an imagination. But you guys can all have fun!

This is all for now, join us later for more on this event, happy tapping!