How to Make Parenting and Living with Fibromyalgia Easier

Living with fibromyalgia is tough on you and your kids. Do you miss soccer games or PTA meetings? Unable to cook dinner sometimes? If pain and fatigue are limiting your family time and making you feel like a bad parent, read on for 11 fibromyalgia management tips...

You’re too exhausted to get out of bed and make breakfast. And debilitating pain keeps you out of the bleachers during your child’s soccer games.

Fibromyalgia moms don’t only suffer with the frustration and depression common with the disorder, but also from guilt.

Janie Rosenthal, a 50-year-old mom with a 13-year-old daughter in Amherst, Mass., has missed countless school events because of fibromyalgia.

“It’s tough to look into your little girl’s eyes and say, ‘Mommy won’t be there,’” Rosenthal says. “I feel like a bad mom if I can’t do something.”

Don’t let this disorder destroy your relationship with your kids.

Here are 11 fibromyalgia management tips to reduce guilt, increase quality time and get things done around the house.

1.Put your own oxygen mask on first.Taking care of yourself is the first step to becoming a better parent.

Avoid scaring kids by comparing fibromyalgia to other long-term health problems, such as cancer, says Elizabeth Lombardo, Ph.D., psychologist in Wexford, Pa., and author of A Happy You: Your Ultimate Prescription for Happiness (Morgan James Publishing). And don’t blame them for your pain with comments like, “Arguing with your sister gives me a headache.”

“That can cause your kids to carry around a lot of guilt and lead to emotional issues,” Lombardo says.

2. Be creative.If fibromyalgia keeps you from attending events like the school play or a dance recital, look for other ways to participate.

Ask your husband or a friend to record the performance, and then watch it with your child. Talk about what you enjoy and the moments that make you most proud, says Dr. Edelberg. And remember, quality always trumps quantity.

“Sit down every day, even if it’s in bed because you’re too exhausted to get up, to ask questions about your kids’ day,” Lombardo says. “And tell them about yours.”

3. Remove the word “should” from your vocabulary.Lose the guilt by removing the focus from what you’re doing wrong.

“There’s no pre-set amount of time you ‘should’ spend with your kids, or number of Little League games you ‘should’ attend,” Lombardo says.

Instead, adopt this daily mantra: This is where I am in my life right now. I’m going to do what I can today.4. Get the kids involved.Plan other activities during those times when you can’t sit through swim practice or play catch in the yard.

“Your kids will remember that you spent time together, not that you weren’t at a specific event,” Lombardo says.

If you’re in bed, read together, ask your child to color a picture while you watch, play 20 Questions, or watch a movie.

Kids can also be great motivators to help you get the daily exercise you need, says Jacob Teitelbaum, M.D., author of From Fatigued to Fantastic! (Avery Trade) and a leading fibromyalgia expert.

“Ask your child to take a yoga class with you, or take a walk,” he suggests.

5. Be there for the big events.If you can’t get through a whole event, go for as long as you can, Lombardo suggests.

If your child is in a play, ask which scene he’d like you to see.

Or ask your daughter which dance number is her favorite part of the recital.

6. Prep your pantry.A key part of fibromyalgia management is getting the most out of your good days.

To be able to feed your family healthful meals, “fill your pantry ahead of time with a mix of shelf-stable and longer-lasting fresh foods,” says Simla Somturk Wickless, a fibromyalgia sufferer, health coach and nutritionist in Boulder, Colo.

“I’m never without high-quality, easy-to-prepare meals and ingredients,” she says. “They’re easy to work with when you’re too exhausted to prepare complicated meals.”

Here are Somturk’s tips for foods to keep on hand:

Frozen, pre-cooked brown rice, veggies and fruits you don’t have dice or slice

A plain rotisserie chicken (instead of chicken breasts that have to be washed, trimmed and cooked)

Prepared hummus or guacamole and multi-grain crackers for a quick afterschool snack

7. Establish a “talk zone.”Too achy to get off the couch and referee your kids’ fight? Or to rush to the door when they get home from school?

Bring the quarrel – or any other kid-related scenario – to you, Dr. Edelberg suggests.

Create a talk zone in the room you’re most comfortable in (like your bedroom), and tell kids to go there when they have issues or stories to share.

8. Lighten your load.Pour some of each cleaning product into another container before you use it, especially on days when your body is aching.

“A half-full bottle is lighter and easy to carry if you’re having a painful flare,” says professional organizer Dana H. Korey, chairman of Away With Clutter, Inc. in Del Mar, Calif.

And keep a set of cleaning supplies in rooms that need it most, like the bathroom and kitchen, so you don’t have to carry products around the house.

9. Create a chore chart.Fibromyalgia management is a family affair. Sit down together and make lists of tasks each person can do.

For yourself, make one list for days when you feel good, and another when you’re having a flare-up, says Korey.

That way, everybody knows what’s expected of them no matter how you feel.

Plus, you’ll feel less guilt and a sense of accomplishment knowing you’ll be able to help out on days you’re well, she adds.

10. Break down projects.Doing multiple loads of laundry or cleaning the entire kitchen in one day can steal all your time and energy away from the kids. Instead, divide household tasks into small projects.

“It’s much more manageable to complete one load every day or every couple of days instead of devoting several hours to the laundry,” says Debra Johnson, resident cleaning expert at Merry Maids.

That also gives aching joints some time to rest between tasks.

11. Get cool cleaning tools.The right household gadgets can provide all the fibromyalgia help you need to get through everyday cleaning chores.

Johnson suggests these items:

Buy tablets that clean the toilet and keep the bathroom smelling fresh.

Use a dusting cloth, instead of a mop, for cleaning floors. It’s lighter and easier to move.

Invest in a light-weight, easy-gliding vacuum or a robot vacuum, such as a Roomba.

Get dusters with extendable arms so you can clean hard-to-reach areas without having to get on a step stool, raise your arm or bend low.

How Much Do You Know About Fibromyalgia?Described by Hippocrates in ancient Greece, fibromyalgia is one of the world’s oldest medical mysteries. The disease – a complex illness marked by chronic muscle, tendon and ligament pain, fatigue and multiple tender points on the body – affects about 2% percent of Americans, most of them women. How much do you know about fibromyalgia?

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