Monday, August 28, 2006

The Power of Christ Compels You! The Power of Christ Compels You!

Well this is way too silly to not comment on. Seriously, the Vatican exorcist said that Hitler and Stalin were possessed by the Devil. Oh, and Harry Potter is a gateway drug to Satanism. Oh, and all magic is evil and from the Devil (could someone pass this along to David Blaine so he'll fuck off with the "sitting on a pole for a month" gigs?).

First things first: the Vatican has an exorcist? Today? And he claims to have done over 30,000 exorcisms?! That means if the fucker did an exorcism a day, he'd have to have been working for about 83 years to do that many. Has anyone done the math on that claim, 'cause I'm a math 'tard and I did it in five seconds. I'm going to call bullshit on him.He says in the article that both Hitler and Stalin were possessed, also that the Devil can possess groups of people. He is quoted as saying, "I am convinced that the Nazis were all possessed. All you have to do is think about what Hitler - and Stalin did. Almost certainly they were possessed by the Devil."So because the current Pope was in the Hitler Youth, does that mean that at one point in his life, he was possessed by the Devil? I mean, he says that everyone was doing it and that he was against the Third Reich and all it stood for, but he still took part in the H.Y. He could have gone against them and probably been killed, but it would have been the moral thing to do if you felt the way he claimed to feel - so was it because he was possessed that he went through with the Furher's plan?

Is it possible that the Pope was possessed by the Devil? I'm going to say yes.

How interesting...that brings up a point to think about - can the Vatican exorcist choose to perform his duties on a sitting Pope? That'd make a hell of a day on CNN. You thought white smoke took up a lot of air time. Wait 'til you see Pope Eggs Benny strapped to a four-poster bed puking pea soup and screaming, "LICK ME!! LICK ME!!" to a room of deacons.

Things I Doubt: Ray Comfort & Kirk Cameron's ability to put together a decent argument...or a decent sandwich, for that matter; Oprah Winfrey's judgment about anything; Jenny McCarthy's anatomical conformity, by which I mean, I think she has neither a brain nor a heart; Jim Carrey's status as a Canadian - am I allowed to unilaterally decline that?; believers in acupuncture and their ability to accept that it is a fantasy; and the justness of a world where I am not rich for my truly amazing humor but Reality TV "stars" continue to rake in the cash.