Friday, August 11, 2006

Toupee Grows Man!

Hair Today!Mr Obergeen, of Berwick, Melbourne, left his toupee in the cupboard overnight - to find that it had grown into a human head!

Before

After

"I was shocked,"says Mr Obergeen in a shocked voice. "You'd expect a head to grow hair - but who expects a wig of hair to grow a head?"Over a course of weeks, Mr Obergeen tried, and failed, to get the head to talk; but all it seemed to be able to do was growl and bite the hand that fed it. It has been handed over to the authorities.

"A Rare Occurrence""Toupees growing heads are quite rare," confirms Professor Arthur Schmarthurs, Wigiot, of La Trobe University. "But not unknown. Given the right conditions - a cool, dry area, placed out of direct light - and the toupee is able to bloom!"

Professor Schmarthurs adds that there are tens, if not hundreds, of other recorded cases of wigs growing into human heads throughout history.

Words of WarningHowever, the Victorian Department of Health has this warning: "Growing your own human head from a toupee might seem like a fun idea, but should be avoided. Human heads are not easy to tame, and may attack your children or pets. Also, if they do not have a body of their own, they will lead miserable, unfulfilling lives. They are best taken care of in a zoo or at a local RSPCA." Mr Obergeen chuckles in agreement at this, shaking his head as he tells us the story of how the head once attacked his dog. "Who knew that toupees could go wild?" he laughs.

The Case of the Pants According to Professor Schmarthurs, there are "plenty of similar cases in history" "In Bavaria," he says, "One young lady left an old pair of pants in the cupboard, because she was going on a diet. When she came back, she found that they had grown into a MALE torso - and a pair of legs!" In a more recent case, in Montreal, Canada, a pair of cufflinks, overnight, miraculously sprouted into a pair of hands that could play Chopin on the piano!~ And somewhat bizarrely, a leash left in a dungeon in Scheisschloss castle in Austria for a month - sprouted into an S and M mistress!

Mr Obergeen's toupee-and-head is now on display in the Melbourne museum.