“Great Job” On The Birthday Surprise, Everybody

What, you feel smart now? You feel funny, like a big funny smart guy? You have the comedic upper-hand now that you’ve surprised and made a fool of someone ON THEIR BIRTHDAY, just when they were under the impression that they were surrounded by people who they could love and trust? Finally, they thought, after years of hard work they could now — at least in this one moment — let the guard down and just be happy around the people they love. But nope. You showed him. Oh, bravo. BRA-VO, you guys. I really don’t know how you managed to pull this one off, catching someone completely off guard in a sensitive, happy moment like that. How did that not see that coming, right?! Ha-ha-ha, what a big dumb-dumb. HA-HA-HA! At least now he’ll know to never trust anyone at one of his birthday parties ever again. Ugh. You people make me sick, with your stupid scary birthday surprise. How dare you. On this guy’s god damn birthday.

Though, knowing that birthday boy David Banks works with explosives and pyrotechnics, it’s not, like, a BAD cake prank? You know? Like, I do get it. He works with explosives and then his birthday cake exploded. It’s kind of a good one, actually. It only would have been better, though, if the exploded cake got all over his face. And then maybe his hair caught on fire only a little, and was a little smokey? He’ll have another birthday, you guys have a year to figure this one out. Good luck! (Via ViralViral.)

My family has this great home video from my sister’s 5th birthday, where my mom had made her this really elaborate carousel cake with horse figurines and a doily ceiling, and of course when she lit the candles, the doily caught on fire and somebody had to throw iced tea on it. So the video cuts off right after somebody shrieks “The cake is on fire!” and then cuts back to my sister’s tear-streaked face. So what I’m trying to say is, this would have been funnier if there were crying children.

That was dangerous! Stop having so much fun with the lol-ing, there’s danger in explosions, you know? It’s a good thing the explosion was just the right size. I mean, if it wasn’t, and the cake exploded so big that it took the guy’s head off, everybody wouldn’t be all “laugh out laugh. Out laugh out laugh!” but instead they’d be all, “Oh shit, you guys, we just blew David’s head off. On his birthday!” and that’s no laugh out laughing matter. Unless that’s what you were planning all along, in which case you almost certainly would laugh, since you’re a sick bastard who explodes people’s heads on their birthdays.

My parents did nearly the exact same thing to me when I was 10, and it was devastating. It just isn’t very funny when you are on the receiving end, and you think that your parents are finally going to love you and are going to stop being so cruel all the time and you are finally going to have a puppy to raise.

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