(Closed) Complicated Problems With A Bridesmaid (ugh!)

So my FI really wanted his ex girlfriend from high school in our wedding because they are friends. This for me is not an issue because shes a lesbian and had a stable gf at the time that I asked her and she seemed nice (I had only met her once before). Ever since my engagement party in August however, I havent spoken to her once. Ive called, texted, facebooked…basicallyy any means of communication and she wont respond. She also was living in San Francisco which is about 8 hours away so its not like I could just stop over at her house.

Well, I was getting prettttyy miffed that she wasnt contacting myself or my bridesmaids, especially when they are trying to plan my bachelorette partyy for me.

So FINALLY last week she contacted my FI and said that she has a rare form of cancer and that she is moving back down here for treatment.

WHAT?!

Yea. Its complicated. I feel like I obviously shouldnt be miffed because shes been sick. But how the hell am I supposed to know that?! Shes been completely MIA since my engagement party!!!! Her and I do not have any sort of relationship whatsoever. Shes supposed to stand up there and support my FI and I and Im supposed to take bridal portraits, get dressed with her the day of, ext and I dont even know her. Shes pretty much a distant acquantance. I feel bad that she has this disease. Shes young, very full of life, and it SUCKS! My FI asked her if she needed to step down to focus on her health (which I fully agree with, and honestly would have preferred) and she said no, that she still wanted to be a bridesmaid.

:sigh:

What the hell am I supposed to do? I dont want to feel awkward on my wedding day, getting into my dress ext, in front of this girl that I dont even know.

I feel like an asshole for feeling this way because shes now sick, but i cant help it and it feels weird that I have a bridesmaid thats pretty much a stranger. I wish she had stepped down and TOLD ME MONTHS AGO so I could have chosen a different friend to support me on my side but obviously that cant happen now, with 2 1/2 months to go.

Your wedding party is yours and your FI’s. If you had a brother, wouldn’t you want him to be a groomsman? It’s unfortunate that you’re having trouble getting in contact with her, but it sounds like she’s going through a lot. Her wedding is probably the last thing on her mind so give her the space she needs.

Well maybe your FI should try contacting her? I can understand that you would be frustrated with her lack of communication. I would just accept that she’s got more important things going on right now and try to let it go.

@AlwaysSunny: I agree. Her health is obviously a huge concern. The problem is she wont contact my fiance back either. I cant kick her out. I gave her the option to step down already which she declined so theres no question that shes still in my wedding party. I just dont understand what the hell Im supposed to do with a bridesmaid that has never tried/seen her dress or talked to me in 8 months. Its really bizarre to me.