Friday, January 20, 2012

Day 50 - For Reals

I have two things to say:

1. Clearly, me and math are not friends.

TODAY is really day
50, despite what previous posts say.

Math has been my nemesis since fractions were forced upon
me, taunting me with their slashes and weird backwards division and
multiplication. I’ve dealt with it and moved on. Yet, still, math likes to
bully me whenever it can. I don’t take it personally and know that I am the
true winner because I’m not mean and confusing. Well…at least I’m not mean.

2. I don't know who the heck I am right now!

To aid in my effort to blog this journey to 40 (and beyond!),
I decided to write the number countdown on my desk calendar (thus discovering
the trap math had set for me). As I wrote the numbers, I found myself getting
more and more excited. Giddy even. Now, I don’t get excited, much less giddy,
about birthdays. What’s more, I’ve been dreading this particular birthday for
about a decade. So, imagine my astonishment when my stomach started doing flip
flops as I wrote, “3, 2, 1, 0”.

Instead of trying to mentally snap myself out of this
obvious delusion, I decided to go with it. Enjoy it. Be thankful for it. And,
make a list…that’s how I roll.

I decided to make a list of 40 things I want to do before I’m
40. Now, considering I’ve got 50 (not 49) days until this particular milestone,
and that I do not have unlimited funds, the list won’t include any trips to
Paris or any other sort of bucket list sort of things for that matter. In fact,
I’d really like to stay away from bucket list type items and just reinforce the
feeling that 40 is not the end of anything…it’s the beginning of everything.
Hey, I’ve always been a late bloomer. I was the last to experience all of the
adolescent girly things. I didn’t really know I could sing until high school. I
didn’t start my photography business until I was in my late 30s. Why should
this be any different? Maybe, for me, life really does begin at 40?

If nothing else, at least, today I am hopeful about the
future instead of dreading it, and that is no small thing.