Iron Mountain ski jump

Friday, July 14, 2017

HEALING THE WOUNDS OF SELF-HELP 7-14-17

It was my own fault. I
know better than to comment on anything on Facebook. On top of that, I’m in a
year-long theological fast. I’m trying to see if I can be a real Christian
instead of a just professional Christian. I can’t think theologically for a
year.

But this person on FB really
swerved off of grace and into salvation by entitlement. I pointed that out. Not
very well. Facebook is not designed for long and intricate and nuanced
discussions of serious issues. She misunderstood what I tried to say. Her
feelings were hurt. She was disappointed in me. She thinks I’m a bad person
now.

Upsetting her would not worry
me as much if she were a mean person, but she’s well-intentioned and sensitive
and self-absorbed and fragile. She is very much into self-help. I describe her
thus not as criticism but just as reality. She has good reasons for being as
she is.

The problem arose because I
didn’t know it was she who made the Facebook post. I did not see her name. I
thought it was one of those general pop psychology posts. If I had known it was
she I would have kept my mouth, or my typing fingers, shut.

Of course, that is the
real problem; I just couldn’t keep my discontents to myself.

Now this imbroglio has
bothered me all day. The equanimity I have tried to achieve through my theology
fast is all gone. I know that trying to continue to explain will only make it
worse. She needs to cling to her entitlement grace as a drowning man clings to
wreckage. It would be stupid and destructive and non-graceful of me to try to
pull that away from her. But it really bothers me when… it makes me so mad…
don’t I deserve a little understanding, too… it makes me so mad… round and
round… it especially makes me mad when I know it’s my own fault.

I think it was
psychologist Bill Schutz I heard tell of how he went unwillingly to a party. He
didn’t want to be there. He went only out of obligation. He had lots of more
important things to do. It was really boring. And then on top of that, he felt
a sore throat coming on. So he made a decision. “I’ll stay only fifteen more
minutes, and then I’ll go home and take something for this cold.”

A strange thing happened.
Immediately he felt relieved. He started to enjoy the party. His sore throat
went away. He really appreciated the other folks there. He was the last one to
leave.

No, he didn’t use those
fifteen minutes to get drunk! He made a decision. It wasn’t momentous. It was
simple. But it put him back into control of his own life. He compromised with
himself.

So I shall make a
decision. Making a decision gives you control, remember. I’ll compromise with
myself. I won’t try to make my Facebook friend understand, I’ll just do
something that satisfies me…

I’ll write a book I always
wanted to write, that’s my decision. It’s called Healing the Wounds of Self Help. It will be a self-help book. But,
I guess that’s oxymoronic and ridiculous, isn’t it? But I love that title. I
really want to use it, especially before some title-stealer uses it. Okay, I’ll
write it as a novel. But I’m too old to write novels now. I’ll die before I’d
ever get it finished, and nobody would publish it anyway. [There is a lot of
ageism in publishing.] Even if they did publish it, they’d want me to do the
marketing, and I’m too old and uninterested for that. So I’ll write it as a
short story. No, I have no reputation with magazine editors; no one would print
it. Well, I guess I’ll just have to do it as a blog post…

JRMcF

johnrobertmcfarland@gmail.com

Yes, I know I promised to
stop writing for a year while I try to be a real Christian instead of just a
professional Xn. But this isn’t very professional, is it?

Katie Kennedy is the
rising star in YA lit. [She is also our daughter.] She is published by Bloomsbury,
which also publishes lesser authors, like JK Rowling. Her new book, What Goes Up, comes out July 18. It’s
published in paper, audio, and electronic, and available for pre-order even
now, from B&N, Amazon, Powell’s, etc.