Monday, September 22, 2008

Grace needed a round of shots so she wouldn't get kicked out of school. I'm such a great mom that I put it off until the very last possible moment before finally dragging her down to the Health and Human Services building Friday afternoon, the day of the deadline.

It's always busy there, if it's not the rush for kindergarten immunizations with a waiting room full of sneezing children then it's flu season with a bunch of old men waiting for their flu shots but when I walked in we were practically the only people in the place. It was spooky.

I'd brought Grace, David and Lillian in with me but Spencer said he had homework to finish and stayed in the car. After checking Grace into the system we sat down to wait for our number to be called. We waited. And we waited. And we waited . . .

An hour more into this lovely little adventure and the security guard sitting at his elevated desk by the entrance (I can only guess that there are a lot of people running into the clinic in broad daylight to make off with all the polio vaccines??) he got up from his station and walked over to me in a rather strange way. He approached somewhat slowly, leaned my direction, then when I looked up he said, "Do you have a child in your car?"

It took me a bit to register what he was saying and then to ponder upon whether or not I did in fact have a child in my car. I mean technically Spencer is nearly 12 so I wouldn't call him a child, really more of a teen or young man, but under some circumstances perhaps he'd be considered a child but what on earth would Spencer or his age have to do with this guy and why was he asking me such a ridiculous question?

"No" I finally said, opting for the ornery route (after all we had been waiting forever) "My son is in my car. He's 12."

Then the guard said--and I kid you not, I completely did not make this up--"He can't remain in your car unattended, he'll have to come inside."

I blinked. Then I blinked again. I had no response to that as I tried to fit the pieces of this very odd conversation together.

It finally reached me what he was saying but I couldn't quite believe we were having the conversation.

"He's 12," I said.

"I'm sorry, unless he's 16 he can't be left unattended."

"Okay here's the thing here, he's TWELVE," And at this point I started to get a bit uppity. "He's doing his ALGEBRA HOMEWORK for goodness sake--"

"I'm sorry ma'am but he can't be left unattended."

"So you're telling me that a 12 year-old can't be left in a parked car?"

"No ma'am. Not until he's 16."

"So in this town where a person can get a driver's permit at 14, can ride the bus at any old age, can GET AN ABORTION whenever they need one--that they can't sit in a PARKED CAR?"

"No ma'am."

"You're telling me that I'm an irresponsible mother because I'm letting my son do his homework in the car but if I were to let my son roam OUTSIDE the car in the parking lot, even dash out into the street randomly, perhaps let him lay down on the pavement with his head behind the wheels of the parked cars that only then would I be within the bounds of legality?"

"I'm sorry but he can't stay in the car unsupervised."

"You're insane."

"Well I'm sorry ma'am but he'll have to come inside."

By this time I wanted to take him down but I kept my cool--kind of--and decided to go to the heart of the matter.

"So let's just say I let him stay there--what are you gonna do about it?"

"The police have been called."

"WHAT?"

"The police have been notified, you'll need to bring him inside."

At this point he probably shouldn't have turned his back on me to walk back to his desk because after being stuck in that stuffy, dirty, scummy hive of socialized medicine for a full hour with three hungry kids and no prospect of ever getting our stupid immunizations I was ready to take him down to the tile and show him what he could do with his security badge--he was short, I could have taken him I think. But my kids were watching me with these wild, open-mouthed looks and the thought flashed through my mind that maybe it wouldn't do for the kids to see Mama pounding on the security guard in public.

I'm afraid that after my week's experience with our dear Anchorage Police Department--including getting a totally bogus traffic ticket and not receiving ONE inquiry from the report we filed regarding the vandalism on our street--I was ready to take on the system and take it to its knees but then I noticed Lillian and David watching me with that "OH MY GOSH MOM IS GOING TO BE ARRESTED!" look on their faces. Now honestly? That's not something I ever went into motherhood expecting to see so I decided that maybe taking the security guard down and pummeling him in frustration wasn't the best use of my super powers.

I was steamed, I was ticked, I was amazed at the idiocy of it all but I got up and went out to get Spencer from the car. As it turns out he had just finished his homework and was actually half way up the steps on his way inside before I even got to the door but I really wanted to tell him to go back into the car and wait for the sirens.

"Dinner's going to be a little late tonight kids. Mom's in the hole."

We all sat down again and waited some more for Grace's turn in the exam room and after a few minutes Spencer turned to me and asked, "Mom, can I go get something out of the car?"

I smiled and said, "Of course you can!" then dangled my keys loud and long enough for the guard to see that yes, my son was returning to the scene of the crime. Unattended. Just to tweak him.

That evening at the dinner table I told the story to Andrew who somehow found it rather funny.

"I really wanted to see what would happen," I said. "I was really REALLY tempted to tell the jerk to do his worst and go ahead and arrest me but after that crazy ticket I got this week I had this feeling that they really would drag me off to prison and I didn't think I wanted to deal with that. Not this week anyway."

"That would be so cool!" Andrew said, grinning.

"What?"

"That would be so cool! Dragging you off to prison--I mean can you imagine the post you could write about that?"

"You're a sick person, you know that?" I said grinning back.

"Besides," he said, "They wouldn't arrest you."

"Why not?"

"Because if they took you off to prison then all the kids would be left at the Health and Human Services building. Unattended."

"You're a great attorney, you know that?"

"I love you too. Too bad you didn't get arrested. I would have loved to have bailed you out."

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comments:

So...can a 15 year old drive without an adult? And if so, are they allowed to be unsupervised in a moving car? What about when they stop?

I've run into this before when my twins were tiny and the oldest was 12. Not wanting to haul two small toddlers inside to pay, I parked by the door and ran into the gas station, car turned off and locked and in plain view, with my almost teenaged son in the front seat. The snotty little 20-something gas station clerk threatened to call the police and told me my children should be taken away from me.

You go! I hate ridiculous bureaucracy like that, but I do sort of wish you'd taken him on. Sigh...Perhaps it's best not, what with the wide-eyed children there, absorbing it like sponges, etc. But it would have made a great post!

I cannot believe it! Is it b/c he was in a car unattended and might take the car for a joyride by hotwiring the car while you were inside? Or is it just the fact that he was 12 and unattended anywhere?

How about all the even younger "latch key kids" at home alone? How about the fact that kids can babysit at 12? How about that a 12 year old (and younger) kids are unattended while doing a host of other things?

Just more evidence of how things are screwed up...good is bad and bad is good...like the examples you gave.

I would have been too scared to say anything to the security guard... I too have left my kids in a locked car, directly in front of a gas station door. Scary to think someone may call the police on me.

My DD is 12. We've just started letting her sit in the car, if she wants (depending on where we are)It's always locked and she has a phone. I see kids even younger wandering all over the place..football games, to and from school, after school..even wee ones.

I just don't get it. Danged if you do and danged if you don't.

I commend you on your restraint, I probably wouldn't of been quite so nice!

This is awful and hilarious at the same time. How can they allow 12 yr olds to babysit if they aren't allowed to be alone in a parked car??? Scratchin' my head on this one. Good for you for speaking up AND exercising restraint. I think I would have been tempted to let the police come, and see what they did. COMMON SENSE anyone???

This is my favorite post yet...too funny. Although I can think of many situations when I have felt that same rage boiling under the surface while trying to keep my calm in front of little eyes and ears! Barney Fife-I love it!

This is one of those stories that makes me want to run for public office, write my senator and picket some place. Good for you for standing up for yourself -- now send this into your local paper and get those stupid rules changed!

What has happened to this country with all of this. I'm sickened by it. No one makes any common sense anymore. No one HAS any common sense about anything anymore. Everything is thrown out of proportion. Where it is all going I shudder to think. This belongs right up with all this political correctness crap that has gone way over the line of intelligent thinking. When are those pesky 'last days' coming again?? Hurry up!

If he was just a security guard, he only has authority over the place that hired him, right? So is this really a law in Alaska, or was he just on a power trip and making up arbitrary rules (like the stew on my last flight)?

Oh my goodness. That would so totally happen to me. Except without the bravado on my part. And without the attorney husband to bail me out. I guess if it were me, it wouldn't have happened that way at all. Your story is MUCH better.

I bet you thought of at least a hundred things you should have said after the fact. I always do! Too bad the security guard was on such a power trip, but if it was such a big deal to him, why did HE allow Spencer to sit out there for the 1st hour to begin with if it was a problem - where is his true responsibility, common sense and just plain kindness? My dad always said you can't have a battle of wits with an unarmed person, which obviously that security guard was.

Goodness gracious this was just the laugh I needed for today. Course it's funny now but I would have been just as steamed as you during the whole scene. I leave my kids in the car all the time. They hate shopping and would rather stay in the car to read or watch a movie. Loved your responses to the security guard. I think what makes the whole incident even better is Andrew's response to it all.

We live smack dab on the KY/Tn border...in Ky I can leave a child in the car...in Tn I'll be fined $500 per child if they are under 16~but yeah, I can drop all of them off at the movies without breaking the law. Crazy on top of crazy. My kids used to bawl whenever I got pulled over. "You don't have your kids buckled" "They can unbuckle a carseat themselves" The cop would give the toddlers a talking to as they climbed back in and buckled their own carseats :)And I'd have a really quiet ride home for once.

Um...sorry to be in the minority here, but I totally agree with the security guard. We have had way too many babies and young children left in cars around here just recently, some of whom were in really scary situations.

I realize that your son is not a baby and is perfectly capable of taking care of himself, but they had to make the law fair and they chose the age of 16 to be the point when kids can safely be left in cars. It's for their safety - those who have parents unlike you, of course.

And even though he was annoying, from your description of the conversation with the security guard, he kept his cool and just kept repeating the law.

I'm getting all worked up with you! I'm not laughing..I'm annoyed. I want to run down there and chew the guard out myself. The whole "not leaving kids in the car" thing makes me mad period. I can understand when its somewhere hot, where they could get heat stroke if left in a hot car - but this is Alaska where there is no worry of such things. What's going to happen to them in the car? Some freak chance that a car could come plowing into them? They have a better chance of getting kidnapped in the store while your back is turned than falling under harm while in a locked car. But at least with a small child I can somewhat understand it...but Spencer!! For cying out loud! Is there actually a LAW about this in Anchorage? Tell Andrew to look it up. I want to see it. Did the police actually come? I bet the guard was bluffing. OOhh...I'm so worked up. That's why I don't go to the health department.

I would have been BEYOND peeved if this were me! It's a sad, sad, day when this is what our society has come down to.

And is there really a law that states this? Seriously? I have always wondered if there is some law which states when you can leave your kids home alone.

I absolutely loved the comebacks you used! "So in this town where a person can get a driver's permit at 14, can ride the bus at any old age, can GET AN ABORTION whenever they need one--that they can't sit in a PARKED CAR?"

Oh for cripes' sake! I guess Mr. Rent-a-Cop had nowhere else wield his mighty power! I'm betting he's full of it. The APD don't have time for petty theft, property and vandalism crimes; let alone time to put moms in the pokey who leave their 12 year olds in a locked car in order to finish a bit of homework. If it was a man who had left said child unattended; would this tool have had the same reaction? I think not! I'm with joyfuldays and the blood pressure. Funny post, though. I haven't had such a good belly-laugh in quite awhile. Thanks for that. BTW, if the real police didn't show; I'm betting that was a law made up in his own silly mind! Be interesting to find out.

OMGosh! This is one of my favorite posts yet. SOO funny. And I can't believe you actually said that stuff to the guard! I would have been too dumbfounded to call him out. Not that you were out of line by any means, I just would not have known what to say.

You must be pretty witty too since you pointed out the ironic truths of 14 yr old drivers and ageless abortions. That's the kind of witty stuff I can only think of 48 hours AFTER the fact.

One more thing and I'm done...your husbands response - it's kinda funny/sad when everything is viewed in blog worthiness. "Will this make a good post?" and "How could I portray this on my blog?" Being somewhat new to blogging this blogging side effect has totally caught me off guard! Glad to see I'm not the only one who thinks that way!

whoo hoo! You go Michelle! SOME TIMES (and it's very difficult for me to figure out how to teach my child this) it is a GOOD thing to buck the system. He, of course wants to buck everything, all the time. There IS a time and a place when one must take a stand.Nice going there and if they had thrown you in the slammer, I'd have sent you a cake with a nail file.Personally, I think you'd look good in stripes and the ball and chain must do wonders for the leg muscles!

I'm just gonna read this post over and over and over again and fantasize about being the mother who tells off the fool security guard. I can talk a mean game after the fact, but rarely perform to my satisfaction in the moment.

And while I understand protecting kids from the idiots that leave 'em in the car when it's 90 degrees out, WITH THE WINDOWS CLOSED, where's the reason here, Barney?

Drives me crazy to have to drag 3 kids into QT to pay for my gas because I'm afraid of getting turned into CPS.

Oh, you are so my kind of woman!!! I would have gone after him just the same (that mother bear reflex in me). What a ridiulous, stupid, arbitrary rule. Grrr. Forget blogging from jail for publicity, you could've made national tv with that story!

Fantastic - I think the rules and laws in our nation are going too extreme! There are so many times when I just want to run into a store or like 12 seconds, b/c that is all it will take me, butit ends up taking me 15 mintues because I have to haul the gang with me!

That's hilarious. Well, after the fact it's hilarious. I totally sympathize with the endless hours of waiting at clinics for vaccinations. Been there and live it every trip to see the doctor with kids in tow.

But you know what I've been there too. My 15 year old will want to stay in the truck with the 3 year old while I run into the store for something. However, if I think it's going to take longer than 15 minutes I take them with me because I know I'll get fined and them hauled off by the police for being unattended in the little town I live in.

Although your story is pretty funny. I'd say the security guard really wanted to feel important for just one moment in time. And it does make for a great blog post. ;)

Such a sad accounting for our society. The most offending part? That he called the police before speaking with you (erroneously, I might add). Good to know that Security was there to protect all the citizens of the world...

Andrew, as you know, is one in a million. Keep him around... for more than just bail money.

People are so dumb. They waste their time coming up with ways to torture others because their lives are so empty and meaningless and they want someone else to share their misery. or at least that's my theory. I would have done the same thing. You go girl!

I should give a bit of an update--I'm pretty sure he did call the cops, just because I don't think he was lying. They didn't come but then they wouldn't have been rushing over I'm guessing--and we got into the exam room fairly quickly after that.

After it was over and I was talking with Andrew at home I kind of figured they probably would have fined me which would have been worse I suppose--harder to fight that being thrown in prison unjustly.

Yes Maddy I imagine the the law isn't as strictly enforced as some but I'm pretty sure if they'd come that they'd have fined me nonetheless. Kind of like seat belts laws.

Great post. I can see you now . . . and your dear, Andrew. I can totally relate to the idoicy of the laws of this country. I just fail to understand some of them--TOTALLY fail to comprehend what someone must have been thinking to draft the nonesense in the first place and then, I wonder how in the world did they get others to pass off on it too?

Don't they read? Don't they analyze? Don't they try to invision the applicable logic and results of their mind-wanderings, or whatever they conjure up? It is amazing.

Oh, if Gov. Palin weren't busy running for VP, I'd seriously think about calling her up on this ridiculous issue. She might be able to get something that makes sense into the public awareness to change dumb laws. Just a thought.

I have a 12 year old and not only does he prefer to sit in the car if I have to run into the post office, pick up a prescription, or run into 7-eleven quickly, but occasionally I leave him in there, sitting in the drivers seat with the doors locked (he can get out but nobody can get in) with the twins in the backseat.

HE LIED! I called APD just to find out, because this issue has come up in our family and your post got me curious as to the written word of law. According to the police department(verbally told): "There is no minimum age requirement for a child to be left unattended in a vehicle or at home. It is up to the discretion of the parent. Basically it's whatever you're comfortable with."

Just thought I'd let you know a good alternative for next time. Alaska Regional Hospital has a free shot clinic the third Saturday of each month from 9am-1pm in building C. Very little wait time (10 minutes max) and they do a wonderful job!! All you need is to take your immunization card with you and they figure out what your kids need. Maybe that will help you for next year:)

Oh my heck...cracking up here...people who work for the people really have power issues...so funny....I HATE socialized medicine too. I have been there and done that! And, I would have totally went ballistic after all of that.

I am so proud of you for keeping your cool.

12 is the legal age in TN, but don't know about Alaska.

I didn't know your hubby is an attorney...something we have in common...cool.

Way to go Michelle. I wish I had that kind of courage when people have challenges my mothering skills. I got in trouble last week at the YMCA because Abbey was tearing the paper off the crayons when she was in the nursery. She is 2 1/2. I don't understand why they didn't just take the crayons away. Instead my parenting skills are in question because Abbey wouldn't listen when they asked her to stop??? Your story made me smile.

Way to go Michelle. I wish I had that kind of courage when people have challenges my mothering skills. I got in trouble last week at the YMCA because Abbey was tearing the paper off the crayons when she was in the nursery. She is 2 1/2. I don't understand why they didn't just take the crayons away. Instead my parenting skills are in question because Abbey wouldn't listen when they asked her to stop??? Your story made me smile.

It's the law we must change. Poor security guard has to do his job. He probably doesn't agree with it and that's why he just walked away.I know people in his position. We need to show our children we respect authority and you didn't shine in that manner. Don't get me wrong, I AGREE with you, it's so dumb! A 12 Year old can be left HOME unattented for HOURS, but not in the car where you can see him!!GEEZ! I am sorry that happened like that to you, but the saddest part is, they could totally arrest you and even take your kids.~Another Alaska momScary!

Happen across this blogspot. I am living in the bible belt of america. I recently overheard a teacher commenting she was going to the movies over the weekend. She was not thrilled of the movie her two kids wanted to see. She was going to see another movie at different screen in theatre. Later found out, her comments that their were several other people in the movie her kids attended. Safe, still? shouldn't she be charged with child endangerment since her kids are 9&12? and she is in charge of supervising other kids during her work week! Duh, smart or what?