Adam Levine is the Sexiest Man Alive?

Every year, I run a feature here to handicap PEOPLE's Sexiest Man Alive. Fifteen to twenty famous men are considered, pros and cons presented. Then I make my prediction. I'm batting about .500. This year's post was scheduled to run tomorrow. But Gossip Cop reported today that it'll be Adam Levine. So, I'm killing my article. I can tell you though that Adam Levine was not one of the options. Robert Downey Jr, yes. Even Justin Timberlake was on there, because he's had such a big year. Adam Levine? Didn't cross my mind. Not once.

Is it because I don't watch The Voice? Is it because I think Maroon 5 sucks? Is it because he's gross? All of it. Howwwwww is Adam Levine The Sexiest Man Alive?! Howwwww does he follow Channing Tatum?!

As you know, the SMA is a title that comes with conditions. Generally, in exchange for the "honour", an interview is granted. Maybe even a new photo shoot. So, there have been times it's been turned down. Ryan Gosling is rumoured to have turned it down, which is why it went to Bradley Cooper that year instead. Brad Pitt would have been a good choice this year, what with all the success of World War Z and 12 Years A Slave. I wonder though if Pitt would decline now. He's been there twice already. He might not be down with that kind of coverage anymore, especially right now, since 12 Years doesn't seem to be threatened yet with a challenger. Better to save the heavy campaign tactics for after the holidays when the Oscar races really take shape.

Is that why we're getting Adam Levine?

The SMA is usually a movie star. There hasn't been a non-movie star SMA since the late 80s! It was JFK Jr! There has never been a musician SMA. And now they're letting Adam Levine be the trailblazer?! REALLY?!??????????? Him??????