The Flat Earth society has invaded Nottingham. That can be the only explanation for the barren, featureless Trent Bridge surface on which England and India tried to play cricket on Wednesday.

Stuart Broad’s grunt of dismay as Alastair Cook lost the toss spoke volumes.

Ball paid total homage to bat all day and England actually did pretty well to take even four wickets. The ground staff walked out to the middle afterwards with a broom and a wheelbarrow. What they needed was Semtex.

It is demoralising for a fast bowler when you arrive at a ground famous for swing and seam with a lush, green outfield that keeps the ball in mint condition and a history of verdant pitches, and see something with as much life as a dead parrot.

It was obvious as soon as Jimmy Anderson’s third delivery barely reached Matt Prior that the pitch was deceased. With barely an hour gone, England’s crack marksmen Anderson and Stuart Broad had just one slip and men on the drive at short mid-on and extra cover. Unlike at Headingley, at least they were thinking out of the box rather than obeying pre-match orders.

This led to one isolated moment of English joy – a wicket conjured by imagination and sleight of hand. Trent Bridge was once the home of the most deceptive fast bowler on the planet, the gangling Barbadian Franklyn Stephenson, he of the loping run-up, pumping arms and awkward rib-ticklers accompanied by megawatt smile.

Stephenson had the best slower ball ever conceived. It emerged from out of his intimidating, whirring action and seemed to be zeroing in on your head.

Many fine players, including Mike Gatting and Graham Gooch, instinctively ducked as soon as they saw it, thinking it was a beamer. But the considerable side-spin Stephenson imparted made it loop and dip and it often hit them on the heel with their back embarrassingly turned. He must have taken half his 792 first-class wickets with it.

Change of pace is a bowling option England have rarely embraced in Test cricket. It is a strange omission considering the number and variety of slower balls they purvey in one-day matches, and one that exasperates bowling coach David Saker. Broad and Anderson have at least two different slower cutters at their disposal – required to inhibit big-swinging batsmen – yet overlook them in Test matches. The pre-match planning never factors it in.

In fact the slower the pitch, the more a change of pace can be effective. Batsmen, struggling to pierce the field, see something apparently a bit fuller, their eyes light up, the grip tightens on the bat and the foot strides purposely forward. Suddenly they realise they are into position a fraction early, try to stop the shot and spoon up a simple catch. Batsmen with high backlifts are prime candidates.

This is what happened to Cheteshwar Pujara, Rahul Dravid’s replacement at No 3, perhaps not The Wall but at least The Boulder. Anderson set the trap with two men catching on the leg side at short midwicket, and bowled his off cutter, a 79mph delivery instead of his normal 84mph. Pujara, striding forward prematurely, poked an awkward catch to Ian Bell at short mid-on. The Boulder had been dug out.

Surprisingly, the tactic was never tried again. It was just about the only ball the England bowlers delivered at under 80mph, which is both a compliment to their stamina – and Liam Plunkett was still touching 90mph at 6pm – and a criticism of their lack of variety.

Murali Vijay was able to progress largely untroubled to a faultless century, easing the ball mainly square of the wicket. The truth is such an unhelpful surface ultimately sucks the life and expectation out of any bowler. It is a feather bed on which the only appropriate activity would be camping. There is every chance the match will be a snore draw.