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Saturday, September 22, 2012

Totally Random: Good Morning Hookstars! Guess what? Ya girl broke out that bag of toys last night! What the fuck was I thinking?! Those nipple clamps hurt like hell and my hubby didn’t like the cock rings the said it felt weird in a bad way. I did like the pleasure beads that’s a keeper (insert smiley face).We didn’t know what to do with the feather… it was totally useless, the paddle was okay nothing special, and the best was the wedge pillow!!!! Ladies you can do lots of positions with that thing, it’s totally amaze balls we love it! I think I found the dirty whore within me and we had all types of kinky fun. So what’s next for this slut bag….I’m thinking stripper pole!

Even More Random Shit: So I’m having a bit of trouble with my 5yr old daughter Jaya she has become quite sneaky and I really don’t know if I should discipline her. Example: I told the kids to clean their rooms, the boys clean and she didn’t. She told the boys and I quote “Let’s pretend I’m a boss and this is my office and you boys work for me. But it’s my birthday and you are gonna have a surprise cleaning party for me while I go out of town to a meeting.” She then came into my room to watch Good Luck Charlie and when the boys were finished cleaning her room they called her name and yelled “Surprise Happy Birthday” as she walked into her room. Now I didn’t know if she should have lost a sticker on her chore chart since she didn’t clean her room or give it to her anyway because she tricked the boys into doing it for her. She is always tricking them into doing something and they fall for it every time. Thursday I was looking for my purse for two hours and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I offered the kids two dollars for whoever found it and still no luck. I decided to take a break to regroup and think about where it could be, after an hour my oldest son Jayson yells “Mommy I found your purse.” I asked where it was and he said Jayden (3yrs) had it. I asked why he didn’t give it to me when I was looking for it. His reply was “ No that’s not your purse, it’s my magic camping bag. I going to the jungle and catch dinosaur monsters. And I gonna chop them up like this (insert karate kick)” Oh I totally could have choked that kid but he looked so cute doing his karate kick that I decided to give him a free pass this time…smh…the joys of motherhood

Healthy Me: Well nothing special to report here. Last week I weighed 141 and this week I weigh 142.2 Next week I going to try pole aerobics to switch things up and learn a few things for the hubby. “Welcome to the stage….Cinnamon.” Well I need to work on the stripper name but you get the picture. Oh and I have been thinking about becoming a Zumba instructor. I love Zumba so I think it will be fun. I also joined the 30 day Jillian Michaels challenge for Oct. 1st I’m doing Ripped in 30 and 6 week Abs. My 31st birthday is on the 24th and I’m hoping to drop a pant size by then. OMG I can’t believe I almost forgot to tell you Hookstars my best news of the week! Okay I was meeting the Hubby for a lunch date and even though it was his lunch break I decided to get a little dressed up make up and all. Well long story short after lunch I stopped for gas and was approached at the pump by this guy he was kinda cute. But anyway he asked if he could talk to me for a second, I was like no then he said if I fill your tank can you give me a few minutes of your time ( well considering I drive a expedition and gas cost $100 heck yes) So he filled up my tank complemented me on being pretty and sexy blah blah blah. So I asked how old he was and he said 23. I was like a giddy little school girl at that point. I told him I was 30 and happily married and sent him along his way but holy shit 23! Wow I’m defiantly improving my MILF Status!!! Look out Bitches I’m Bringing Sexy Back! Lol.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Totally Random: I’m on this mission to have a totally amazing sex life and the only way I feel that my hubby and I can achieve that is by trying new things and finding the dirty whore within me. So far the few that we have tried have been a total fail but I have something new up my sleeve I’m talking 50 Shades of Grey type shit. Last Wednesday I took a trip to the adult toy store and picked up a few items: penis rings, bull nose nipple clamps, pleasure beads, vibrator, wedge pillow, feather, and a paddle. I’ve had these items since Wednesday and have been to chicken shit to try them out. My hubby has no idea as to what I’m doing because I want it to be a surprise. Ugh I don’t know what the problem is with me I have a bag full of toys already to explore with my hubby and what do I do…..have a friend take sexy pictures of me posing in different outfits. I took eight pictures and each hour while he was at work I sent him one with a. dirty caption of something I was going to do to him later. He totally LOVED it!!! So my new mission is to break out that bag of toys sometime this week.

Healthy Me: So I mentioned in my last post about this strict meal plan that I was following this week. Well I am happy to report that I have lost a total of 3 pounds and now weigh 141 HOLLA!!!! (insert happy dance here) I only exercised three days this week and now I’m thinking of how much I would have lost if I exercised everyday but whatev.I’m so happy that shits over with it, it was so damn hard to stay focused but I did and later today I’m gonna enjoy a nice bowl of skinny banana pudding.

Today I ran my first ever 5k. My time was 27:27 and I placed 4th in my division!! My hubby and kids were there cheering me on but when I crossed the finish line they were nowhere to be found. I called his cell to ask where he was and why didn’t he get a picture of me crossing the finish line his reply was this:

Hubby: “well when you run on the treadmill it takes you 36-40 minutes to run a 5k. I figured that since you were running outside it would take you about an hour so I took the kids to the park across the street.” WTF really?! I was a little ticked but that went away once I found out I placed 4th.FYI for those that want to know…I trained 4months with the c25k app. I ran outside as well as on the treadmill. A little tip I learned from watching Extreme Makeover Weight- loss Edition: when running on the treadmill run on an incline of 1.5 because it simulates outside running otherwise the treadmill will be doing most of the running for you. Have a Great Week Hookstars!!!!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Totally Random: That awkward moment when you strip for your husband and your clothes doesn't come off smoothly, your dance isn't as sexy and you thought it was, your husband laughs at you, and you bust your ass trying to take off your panties. Yeah that moment when your night doesn't go as fantastically sexy as you planned. That's exactly how my night was last night and it all started with that dumb ass idea..........

Monday I suddenly got the bright idea to do a strip tease for my husband. Good idea right? Well don't pull your pom poms out just yet, how does the saying go....wait there's more. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I couldn't pull that shit off but me being me...well all I could think about was how epic it would be if I did pull it off. First things first, I had to decide on a song. After careful consideration I decided that I would dance to Kelly Rowland's Motivation. Oh ladies I was hyped up...I was like football players in the locker room before a game "Wooo... Yeah Baby Let's Do This!!!!!! Yeah I was totally pumped. So I had my song next on my list was to pick out something sexy and mind blowing to wear so I went to Victoria's Secret. I told the sales lady what I was doing and she was eager to help pick my outfit. I felt totally sexy in it which made me even more excited about my dance. Okay confession time....I do not know how to dance, I never knew how to dance. My dancing is worse than Elaine's on Seinfeld. So I did the only thing I knew...I went to YouTube ( don't judge me) and found a really simple sexy dance routine that I felt confident enough to do. I learned the routine and practiced it in the mirror at least 50 times. I was good at it...so I thought. And now here we are, it's game time...I set the mood in the room, a fold up chair for hubby to sit in, candles, rose pedals, wine, whipped cream, the works. My hubby came into the room and I pressed play on my iPod and began my routine. Everything was going good until it was time for the clothes to come off, that's when the night started taking a turn for the worse. I struggled taking my top off ( it was laced too tight and wasn't easy to slip off, my bra... well there was nothing sexy about taking that off I totally struggled with it, I tripped over my feet and bust my ass trying to dance and take my panties off at the same time, and to top it all off my husband was in tears from laughing so hard. I know Right?! Rude! Enough was enough I told my hubby that I was through and before I could finished my sentence he blurted out "Thank God" with a huge smile on his face. He walked to me gave me a hug and kiss and made me promise never to dance again. And for all you perverts wondering what happened next...well use your imagination freaks!

Healthy Me: For the last two months I've been stuck at a plateau with my weight ranging between 143-145 I've been busting my ass (not literally this time) at the gym and eating right and these last few pounds don't want to leave. I've been trying to evict their free loading asses but they refuse to leave. (what is this? Occupy Christina.) Well I really want to reach my goal weight so I decided to try something drastic to jump start my metabolism. Sunday night I'm going to cook and pre prepare my lunch and dinner for the week. My menu will be: strawberry & banana protein smoothie for breakfast, chicken salad with Italian dressing for lunch, baked chicken and a veggie for dinner, and pistachios for my snack. I will drink only water and have absolutely no sugar and low... like really low carbs. Exercise will consist of C25K three times this week, zumba twice this week, and one spin class. I'm like so serious if this shit does not work I'm going to be extremely PISSED...ugh I can't even think about it. I'm going to think positive and hope like hell it works and of course I'm gonna keep you gals posted. Wish me luck Bitches!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Totally Random: So my 5yr old daughter comes downstairs with her new jewelry box that Daddy bought her. "Mommy look." she says " Oh baby its so pretty. A princess jewelry box fit for a princess!" She opens it and asks me to look again. I took another look and once again told her how pretty it was. "No Mommy look inside what do you see?" her jewelry box is empty so I was confused as to why she was asking me to look inside. I did then told her that I didn't see anything. As she slams the jewelry box shut, she puts her hand on her hips and says "Exactly. Nothing. We need to go to Claire's." I was caught completely off guard by her comment that I agreed to take her.

Healthy Me: I go to the gym M-F and I always see this one hot chick with the sexy legs. (Yeah that's right Bitches I was checking her out, I'm not a lesbian but if I was I would totally hit that.) I finally built up the courage to ask her about her exercise routine without feeling like I was harassing her.so this is how our lame ass conservation went:

me: I'm sorry to disturb you but you have really sexy legs, what do you do to get them so toned?

her: (Blushing and all bright eyed) Thanks for the compliment but I don't have to do much to maintain this body I have a very high metabolism. I only workout 2-3 times a week.

my subconscious: Gurl you betta burst that bitches bubble with her lying ass.

me: Hmm that's odd because I see you here everyday at the same time and I know you are here at least an hour because that's how long I'm here. So obviously your body isn't that easy to maintain.

She gasps as if she so disgusted and offended by my response. I put my ear buds in, smile at her and walk away as my subconscious gives me a high five. Is it bad that I feel a little ticked because she didn't tell me her secrete workout routine.... what a silly bitch.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Totally Random: I love flirting with my husband so decided I would call on my inner sex goddess and start sexting. Now I'm no expert I'm not even that good at it but compared to my husband I'm the sext queen. It would be easier for me to upload the text from my phone, but I don't have an Iphone and don't know how to do it from my My Touch. I'm a simple bitch so I'm just gonna type it out...yeah that's right I'm going old school on y'all asses so here we go...

Ex #1) Me: Hey Hun I'm just getting out of the shower and as I was rubbing oil on me I couldn't help but to think about you and how your hands and mouth were all over me this morning and how much I want to feel them on me now...starting from my ear and trail down my neck then to my breast pleasuring my nipples and kiss from my stomach down to my.....Hubby: I'm peeing and it reminds me of how warm you feel.

WTF really? soooo urine makes you think of me. FAIL

Ex #2) Me: I'm sitting here at work feeling all hot and bothered just thinking about all the kinky fuckery we are gonna have tonight. hmmm I just might have to pay you a visit on my lunch break ;)

Hubby: Lunch sounds good can you bring me subway and I can lick the mayo off of you.

OMG this man really sucks at sexting like bad... I guess I will stick to flirting. FAIL

Healthy Me: This morning I was a little tired and really didn't feel like going for my run. My subconscious said that we should take a break and chill out for the day but that's just not possible. She was like " We don't need to run, just have sex with hubby and burn calories that way." so I thought about it and as tempting as that offer was I decided to run so I told her to stop being lazy and gear up. This was my best run ever! I ran 5k in 40min! HOLLA! You already know I was tired and winded and there was no way in H E double hockey sticks that I could run back home so I walked back happy as ever that I took that run. Have a great Sunday Hookers!

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Totally Random: So as I was clipping and organizing my coupons from the last two weeks (yeah I'm a krazy coupon lady and damn proud of it), I started to think about how cool it would be to start a blog. After some careful consideration I decided not to. Then decided what the hell I'll just do it. I know its crazy but then again...that's me. So I finished up with my coupons and got started creating this blog then got side tracked because I'm a pinhead and I love Pintress. Anyway my first post is now complete. I hope you enjoy!Healthy Me: Ugh...where do I begin? I started my "Healthy Me" journey on Jan. 1st I was a total sugar whore. I LOVE sweets but the feeling is not mutual. Before I knew it I was a whopping 180lbs!!I know right!? Well I decided enough was enough so long story short, I joined Weight Watchers, established a workout routine and made better eating choices. Losing weight was NOT easy...you see...my subconscious is a lazy bitch that just wants to sit on the couch and stuff her face hole all damn day. During the first few months of this journey I fought with her everyday just to get my workout done. I'd be all like "Let's go to the gym." and she'd be like "Hell no, Bad Girls Club is on." I think she is finally starting to come around though...who am I kidding that bitch is still lazy.

Inquiring minds want to know...here are my stats

Height: 5'6
Starting
Weight: 180
Current Weight: 144
Goal Weight 135
I didn't take measurements but I went from a 14 to a lose 8 Hells Yea!

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About Me

I am the wife of a U.S. Army solider and mother of 3 wonderful children. In January I started a healthy me journey that I struggle with everyday. This blog is about my journey to be the best me as well as other random things that go on in my life. I hope you enjoy it.