Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.

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On squirting.

I’m 21 and have been fucking since I was 15. Thing is, I recently started to ejaculate when I cum. Like, a lot. Every time. Without fail. Doesn’t matter if I’m masturbating or taking some dick, I actually squirt everywhere.

Now, this isn’t a problem (in my opinion anyway – I fucking love it!) but when I get with a new guy, I feel I have to hold back an orgasm in case they get really freaked out by it. This happened once where a guy was eating me out, and I squirted all over his face. He thought I pissed on him, and proceeded to leave without giving me a chance to explain what had actually happened (I assumed he had never heard of it before). On the other hand, I was with a guy who loved it, and we had endless hours of fun together.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is, how the fuck do you politely convey to a guy before you get with him that things might get a little slippery without resorting to a theme-parkesque “you may get wet” message across your forehead?

If you’re willing to grant someone access to your vagina, you should be willing to give him a friendly heads up that you’re a gusher.

You don’t have to pull a Slip ‘N Slide out from under the bed. A simple, “I squirt” should be all that’s necessary. If he doesn’t seem to grasp the concept, take a quick second and spell it out for him.

“I squirt when I cum. You’re gonna get soaked, but don’t freak out. It’s not pee.”

It’s a message best delivered beforehand, and one that will keep you from having to explain yourself while recovering from an orgasm.

As a guest, if there’s a chance you could ruin someone else’s furniture or clothing, it’s proper etiquette to suggest laying down a towel before blasting hot liquid from your snatch.

A wet spot is one thing, but your host should never have to flip the mattress.