God's righteous anger against America's wanton and sinful adoption of gay marriage and predilection towards consuming Cheez on the Sabbath hath caused him to strike us with plagues like lice, bedbugs, raccoons, and skunks. Still, our licentious nation persists in viewing "PG-13" movies and huffing jenkem. Well now, god has something new for you, Sodomites.

Ticks. Gonna be tons of ticks this year, what with the warm, hell-like winter we just had. "This is going to be a horrific season, especially for Lyme," one expert vows.