Monday, March 7, 2011

DNR Crashes The Detroit News' Debate

The Detroit News gave Tom Gage and Lynn Henning 10 topics to discuss and debate. WHY WAS I NOT INVITED? Why does no one respect how BRILLIANT and LEVEL-HEADED I am?

This is a ridiculous oversight, I think. Eff it. I’m inviting myself. Let’s get to it. From the News site…

Friends, colleagues, countrymen. Indeed they are, and while Tom Gage and Lynn Henning have covered the Tigers together for years, baseball is about all they agree on — and that only occasionally.

If only they could get their own sitcom. It would be like “The Odd Couple”, except even more boring and white.

Don't get them started on politics, movies or what's the ideal Saturday night with their wives.

Tom’s a democrat, enjoys bondage porn, and prefers to keep the wife pilled up and incoherent in front of the television. Lynn’s a republican, won’t be caught watching anything that isn’t a snuff film, and enjoys putting on a gimp outfit for Mrs. Henning while Pat Boone croons away in the background...

Henning prefers dinner and dancing. Less of a night-lifer, and cheaper, Gage prefers spaghetti and Hockey Night in Canada.

Can’t believe I wasn’t invited to this. Ahem, Rogo likes drinking alone in dive bars and cursing at anyone that doesn’t agree with him while leering at any 21 year old dumb enough to walk past his table at the bar.

This is going to be 10 topics, Lynn — 140 characters or less on each one — like a tweet. That's characters, not inches.

What? Really? Leave the dick jokes to me, guys. Yikes. Have some dignity. We begin after the jump.

1. First up, best player in camp so far?

Tom: I don't know about best, but Clete Thomas has helped himself as much as anyone.

Rogo: Tom, you’re a moron. Miguel Cabrera is the best. How do you not know that? And f-ck Clete. He has a good arm. Other than that, he’s awful.

Lynn: Here's a surprise: Robbie Weinhardt. That sinker is better than ever, and now he's added a solid slider.

Rogo: Your topic was best player. You both managed to screw it up on the first question. I’m glad I wasn’t invited now.

2. Best pitcher so far?

Tom: Thanks for taking my answer. Weinhardt is making a strong bid for that last spot.

Rogo: Best pitcher…and you go with a guy bidding for the last spot. Sigh, you are making this too hard, Tom.

Do Not Take This Blog Seriously.

The only thing I enjoy more than Detroit Tigers baseball is making fun of it and those that write about it. Most things you read here are meant in a humorous way. So do everyone a favor and lighten up. It's a joke. Oftentimes a bad one...

DesigNate Robertson was named after ex-Tiger pitcher, Nate Robertson and my hatred of his performances on the mound. He will be missed.

To those with an open mind and a sense of humor, I welcome you. Lets have some fun.