This trove of unspeakable musics derives its knowledge from whole folders of samples, or an entire CD worth of music (straight from your primitive earth-based optical devices), allowing even the most clueless of beatsmiths a chance perspective at musical creation several orders of magnitude beyond their ken.

Nonetheless, if we are to be prepared for the creations that this program will no doubt manifest, we must look into the abyss without fear, lest we fall victim due to our ignorance.Â Be sure you have something set up to reroute the audio signal, and learn to recognize the different life-forms within the forests of your fragile, human mind.Â Witness the effects on the r0b0tninja outpost, and despair.

Here at R0b0tninja I try to bring new synthesis and audio production techniques to the forefront of human liminal understanding, ignoring the bullshit and bringing only the juiciest gems for your consumption.

But I must make an exception in this one case: the Percussa audio cubes, midi controllers for such popular programs as Ableton Live and Reason, seem to your humble r0b0tninja the embodiment of an electronics retail industry run amok.Â I mean, what the fuck.Â Here’s the absolute greatest thing a site selling it has to say:

They look way-cool in a dark room. Physical interaction between the cubes. A very portable system.

Really? That’s why I’m going to spend 1300 US dollars? These things are proximity based midi triggers, finally bridging the world of boardgames to the world of music production.Â While I must admit a passing curiosity as to the inner workings of these wastes of space, I also can’t believe that anyone would find any real use for these chunks of stanky demon taint in the first place.Â Maybe if I wanted to impress a dozenÂ japanese teenage girls, I would buy these and play some jungle beats or something, smoke machine going strong, lasers blasting off all over the place.

In fact, forget about the jungle and the lasers.Â I’ll be the smoke machine, ladies.

Mankind will forever remain a mystery to me: the denizens of Japan have put into production 1/100 scale model replicas of the fearsome robo-beast, MechaGodzilla, in an obvious attempt to anger the MechaGodz themselves, bringing its wrath unto all enemies.Â For $800 you too can own a miniature abomination, a suitable idol for robot demons.

We robotninja both fear and worship the giant robot space-lizard, who is capable of so many things we can only dream of. As we all know, MechaGodzilla is made from indestructible space titanium alloy and is equipped with a powerful laser that fires from the mouth of a head that can rotate 360 degrees. The robot’s fingers and toes are actually deadly missiles, and hidden within the beast’s chest is, of course, the fearsome Maser weapon.

It’s only a matter of time before those Japanese start building 100/100 scale replicas.

Below are two images, each representing a distinct and unfathomable aspect of our reality: one is the theoretical universe as described by astrophysicists, the other is a neuron and its surrounding cells.

The R0b0tninja have known of these and many other parallels between thought process and the physical universe, such that would shatter your fragile human souls to know.Â Nonetheless, we too are astounded by the implications that these parallels present, (beyond their obvious applications in ninja-teleportation techniques), the nature of which remains a mystery even to us.

The US department of Energy at Oak Ridge has released this photo of its new, 284 unit supercomputer, stepping humanity’s computational powers up to my r0b0tninja standards.

Naturally, we r0b0tninja have been calcuating quadrillions of calculations per second a MILLION times a second, so you can only imagine the depths of our bemusement when we found out about this latest fledgling development.

You have now stepped over and into the void, mankind: what would once take the combined efforts of every man, woman and child on the planet 650 years to complete, a computer can now do in one single day…

It pleases me to announce that a group of Super-scientific Spaniards have discovered that which your only r0b0tninja friend has known for countless millenia: that the atmosphere of Titan, the only moon in the solar system with an atmosphere, has electrical storms similar to those on earth. From the article at Physorg:

Physicists of the University of Granada and the University of Valencia have developed a proceeding to analyse specific data sent by the Huygens probe from Titan, the largest moon of Saturn, proving “in an unequivocal way” that there is natural electric activity in its atmosphere. The scientific community thinks that there is a higher probability that organic molecules precursors to life could form in those planets or satellites which have an atmosphere with electric storms.

Keeping with the plebian experiments conducted by Russian biochemists Alexander I. OparÃ­n and Stanley L. Miller, who managed to synthesize organic compounds from inorganic ones by using electric shocks, these Swarthy Spanish Scientists believe that Titan could be home to an alternate evolutionary process, one based on the same macro-molecules that comprise your fragile human minds.

The pirates and feminazis over at Macidol have inadvertently earned my wrath once more–in an almost inconceivable gesture of antipathy, the Robotninja page was somehow offline for several days at a time!Â I know…Aside from the implicated various world-wide calamities and economic perils, the resulting pressure wave unleashed by my contempt alone will send out a wave of destruction in all directions, several kilometers in diameter.

The norsemen over at Propellerhead have always made the earth tremble with their might, pillaging England and discovering America nonchalantly.Â But they continue to out-man their heritage by supplying us with their software Reason, and we thank them for that.Â What’s more, now they’ve granted mortal man the powers of the sun of Asgard, Odin’s beak, the All-powerful mangod Thor.Â They even show you some interesting shit about using white noise in this tutorial, and using Thors noise oscillators to manifest some pretty tasty jimmy-jams.Â Peep the sample page to sample Thor’s Hammer, no homo.

I like this graph, because it looks like a technicolor asshole and is to-the-point.

Sincerely,

Robotninja, spoken while dropping herbal smokebomb manuevers, but not read

The good people over at the National Beatmakers Association have constructed a portable music making device sure to offset the delicate balance of the cosmos.Â This little bastard might be the anti-christ, but it might also be mankind’s last and greatest hope (like Obama!), enabling seasoned pros and neophytes alike to record and sequence their music on a solid and portable jambone (unlike Obama).Â From the site:

Software

Linux Multimedia Real Time Operating System (OS) – (Low Latency)

Pre Loaded Software ‘Suite’ (no software or drivers to load)

Free Software Updates

Customizable (Open Platform)

Faster Editing With Touch Screen

Hardware

Small Form Factor – Ultra Portable

40 Gigabyte Hard Drive

Robust 7.0″ Display at 1024×600

Hold Switch (Lock Function)

VGA Port For External Monitor

Two USB 2.0 Ports

The fact that it’s linux based makes it as stable as the spatial fabric upon which your delicate dimension is nestled. A quick look at the number of plugins they give you (260) and the fact that you can use it to host any other VST you have, and you realize how easily this thing could merge with some punk biker kid from Tokyo, enhance his latent telekinetic abilities and usher in the higher evolutionary capabilities of mankind long before its time.Â Add the usb ports and touch screen, and it becomes clear that a demon-machine, capable of blasting through the ass of any mortal man, woman or beast of the field, is now upon us.

The price tag gives me pause ($1100), but I get a lot done during those pauses.

The Ambrosia Software ninja-team has constructed a seamless and foolishly capable piece of software, which if left in the wrong hands, could easily lead to the destruction of all audio in the known megaverse.Â WireTap Anywhere allows users of Apple’s Core Audio to connect any audio source to any audio destination, allowing non-robotninjas to sample any sound their primitive computers can produce.

I always pulled a similar maneuver using an external digital audio interface–I’m prone to route my movies and other system audio out to a light=pipe usb connection.Â Also, any ninja with an mpc (or lesser hardware sampler) can do the exact same thing, all without having to pay out the ass for a soft version ($129).Â Still, if I were into podcasting and interviews, it would be nice to be able to record both ends of a skype call, say, or just an ill internet radio station (free of AD/DA conversion, no less).

R0b0tr0n offers exciting new careers in such fields as: multi-dimensional bomb- droppery, advanced turbonics, logistical metaphysics and diamond robotics. Come see which robots are right for you! Act now