I thought I wasn’t enough

I spent my teenage years obsessing that I wasn’t enough, always looking for the seal of approval from others. I wanted to be liked, accepted, fit in.

I wasted my 20s trying and failing to lose weight. I cried myself to sleep many nights thinking if only I could lose 10kg then I would be – pretty, popular, lovable – able to go out in the world and do the things I so desperately wanted to do, like dating, studying abroad or taking a gap year.

In my 30s, I was confused. On one hand, I felt like I had arrived. I knew myself better; I stopped worrying so much about what people would say. On the other hand, I was still sitting quietly in the corner, waiting to be discovered, missing my life’s deadlines. I planned to be married and have my first child by the time I turned 30. Instead, I was stuck wishing that someone would see something in me and give me my “big break”.

Now, I am 40 and instead of freaking out, I am stepping up. I’ve waited long enough. It’s time for me to create the world I want to live in. The world where women see their beauty no matter what size they are, where little girls don’t have the need to go on a diet, because they think they’re fat (and most importantly they are NOT BEING TOLD THAT!). The world where mothers tell their daughters that they are beautiful, they are enough and they can achieve anything they want.

I finally see what my gifts are: the ability to listen and ask questions, to reframe the negative into the positive, and to connect people. I often see the details that other miss, and I am at my best when I help others shine. And if everything else fails – I channel my own Grandmother and feed people.

Let me know in the comments below what is your gift and where you are on your life’s journey. What is your story? I would love to know.

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2 thoughts on “I thought I wasn’t enough”

I am in a good way in life…I am sure…
Not about the body, I didn’t have too much trouble with it. My body is good…I am proud of myself how I look, I feel comfortable and good when people makes compliments how I look, I feel like an angel…
One day I meet friend whom didn’t see for an ages and.. said that I look much better than 30 years ago…Yes I say I agree and I have more energy this day than many years ago. The girls are big, I have good job, good families life I feel that I can achieve what I want. I have lots of plan. If you meet on your way person who will give you helpfully hand and will believe in you…you can do everything…
,Nie poddaj sie bierz zycie takim jakie ono jest”this is my motto…,i pomysl ze na drugie nie masz szans’ Saints words. So I am taking life in a full..

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