Do you remember your first time? You had already fallen in love. You had already been through a lot together, and then the unexpected happens. And your heart is ripped out and you don’t want to go on. You want to close your eyes and fall into a deep sleep- someone waking you when the pain has passed. New Moon is like that for everyone. I know we can each name a friend or two who has thrown the book across the room and refused to continue to read. If you were one of those people who got your entire group of friends to read the book, you know this especially well. Friends loved you after Twilight and wondered why you kept that book from them for so long. And then by the time they got to New Moon, they replaced their gratefulness with anger. But that, too, passes. And eventually you and your friends read New Moon again and appreciate all the things about the book that you missed the first time (like chapters 3-17).

New Moon is such a powerful book filled with that emotion of deepest loss that so many can relate to. This is why I cannot wait for the movie. Plus it has Rob. And the wolfpack. Shirtless. Plus Rob shirtless. And Taylor. And Rob. And was directed by Chris Weitz, DILF of the year. Plus Alice is dressed better. And Jasper has that awful wig that will provide countless jokes for months to come. And Rob. Shirtless. All those things plus an awesome story? All that to say, I cannot wait.

Fine, I also can't wait for the Jort-pack

But I have to be honest. I’m concerned that in the upcoming weeks as the press starts to have private viewings and then when we see the film on November 20th, some of us are going to be disappointed. There has been so much hype surrounding this movie that it’s been built up in our minds to be so far and beyond what Twilight was. That’s not a hard feat because, as we’ve said before, Twilight blew, but I think the bar has been set SO HIGH for New Moon that if anything is off slightly from what is expected, fans are going to come after Chris Weitz by the hundreds. I know Moon said he carries that man-bag around with him, but I don’t know if he can load it with enough rocks to ward off a mob of angry, cock-blocked Twihards. But despite this, despite if it flops at the box office (right…) and if it gets reviews worse than “From Justin to Kelly,” I think I’ll still love it. I think we can ALL still love it. And I think it’s all about managing our expectations.

Let’s not go into New Moon on opening night thinking it’s going to be like Schindler’s List. If we accept that it will more likely mirror Bring it On Again, it might be easier to love if it’s a major dud. Accept it NOW. They will NOT cover EVERY detail in the book. They have 200 minutes to bring a 25 chapter book to life. Plus they have to backtrack and include some details Twilight left out (Cathy Hardi is sipping her Ultimate Pina Colada at TGIFridays saying “suckaassss” right now) They will leave out details you feel are important and they will add details IN that you think are stupid. ACCEPT it now!

Okay, THIS might also be a reason why I can't wait for this film

There will be things that will be cheesy. It’s CGI and WOLVES. Big, non-existent computerized wolves. They will not look real. Cuz wolves like that don’t really exist. Accept IT now! Rob will occasionally sound British. He can’t help it. He’s British. Accept it! Kristen will stutter & blink. She learned that in when she was 13 and in Panic Room when the director yelled “Look scared” and she said “How?” and he responded “Stutter & blink!” Colors will be different. The order of events will be different. Characters will be different. Characters will be ADDED (Please God let there be a New Moon equivalent of Buttcrack Santa (Tequila Tomas is a viable option)) ACCEPT it NOW! You WILL be cock-blocked like in the book. Edward and Bella don’t get it on. Rob won’t be getting naked. There will be fight scenes to “bring in a male audience” that weren’t present in the book. Someone will wear their New Moon burger king crown to the movie theater blocking your view, and little girls will be in the theater with their “Team Jacob” t-shirts and you will judge their mothers for allowing them to come despite their age. ACCEPT IT NOW.

New Moon is a book that plays out differently in each of our minds. And it’s being brought to the big screen from the minds of just a handful of people. We are different. They are different. They visualize things we never would and don’t visualize things we do (Rob naked). If we focus on what WE want then we WILL be disappointed. Let’s just remember it’s a book we love and we get to see it play out BEFORE our very eyes! And Rob will make us swoon. Does anything else really matter?

Love your friendly neighborhood expectation manager,
UnintendedChoice

Seriously, I went into Twilight having ZERRROOOO expectations. I actually expected it to suck. And I came out loving it, even though it blew. I want that to happen so badly with New Moon!

What expectations do you need to get rid of in order to fully enjoy New Moon?

I’m going to escort you into the private conversations of the real UC & Moon. Yes! Today you can listen in on the girls behind UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown. But you need to know our real names. That’s right. We’re going to tell you our actual, in real-life, what our parents gave us, what our birth certificates say, names: theMoonisDown is Noreen. And I, UnintendedChoice, am really called Bunny (It’s a nickname. My real name is much more embarrassing) Okay, onto eavesdropping on the REAL UC & Moon:

Moon: So I have this blogger retreat idea where we can get together with our blogger friends and bitch and complain about the hard life of a blogger and then not blog for a whole weekend. We can watch some twi crap, get happy, read some books and play Twilight FanFiction “Scene-It” It will take place in the back room of Sprinkles Cupcakes.UC: yes! An amazing idea. OMG! I just saw your latest tweet. You’re ON IT today!Moon: I feel like I have to “BE ON” at all times if you’re away. I feel that way when I’m at an “event” with commenters. Do you feel that?! I feel this pressure to “BE FUNNY”UC: yes! I feel like a character though, ya know? Do you feel that way? Like Moon is an alter-ego?Moon: Yea, of courseUC: just totally crazy version of yourselfMoon: I just turn on MoonUC: right. I have my UC self… (ps I know what else can turn on Moon (ahem))Moon: Moon is just a way amped version of myself (you mean like running into the father’s of attractive under-age actors in the drive thru line at Mickey-D’s?)UC: and I feel like when I come out the week of the premiere, we’ll need to be Moon & UC for an entire week. Can we handle it? Bunny doesn’t read fan fic, but UC does. UC dresses hotter than Bunny. She wears Marc Jacobs. She’s richerMoon: MOON knows EVERYTHING all the videos, all the pics, whats hot. Noreen has not seen HALF the news in weeksUC: UC would totes do Rob behind a dumpster. Bunny would get too embarrassed to say hiMoon: AMEN Moon would hump him AT an event WHILE Sam Bradley was singing. Noreen would probably cry in the bathroom stallUC: UC talks twi & rob all the time with her friends. Bunny’s friends don’t know she runs a mildly successful blogMoon: Noreen really does talk about it in her ‘real’ life.UC: I turn UC off on the weekends. She’s goneMoon: Half of Noreen’s friends now ask HER about Twilight because word got outUC: Bunny is not funny.. not creative.. and also doesn’t care about the Twilight saga or a 23 year old boy!Moon: My friends approach me like I’m a drug dealer and use super cryptic termsUC: UGH- they just asked (no FORCED) me to come into work on Saturday. How effed up is that? (that was UC saying ‘eff” Bunny would’ve said “Fuck”)Moon: I just a sickening sweet email to someone I can’t stand. Just because she could potentially donate something for a give away. But that was Moon. Moon just uses people for the benefit of the blog.UC: Moon is mean. Noreen would never do that. UC is a bitch too.

Read more after the hop (I called it a “hop” since now you know my name is Bunny) Continue…

I’ve always thought you were a great choice to direct New Moon ever since you wrote a letter to the fans back in December and promised that you would remain true to the spirit of the book. I’ve loved you since we saw the very first mini trailer on the MTV Movie Awards and we all screamed with delight seeing Jacob phase for the first time. And you wormed your way into my heart at the New Moon Comic Con panel in July when you spoke candidly about how making this film restored your love of movie making. But today you cemented your place in my cold, dead heart after I read your interview with the Hollywood Reporter by speaking so eloquently and intelligently about the making of New Moon, it’s story line, your relationship with Stephenie Meyer and really just “getting” the storyline and how it’s different from Twilight.

When asked about your relationship with Stephenie Meyer you said “We got along like a house on fire.” Now you’re speaking my language! I love a good idiom and anything involving information about our goddess divine the lovely Stephenie. I loved reading that you collaborated on ideas and deferred to her when you weren’t sure how a visual should play out on screen. It shows your humility and desire to bring the fans and the author herself the best and most true to form version of Stephenie’s story.

Sometimes we like to put aside the funny & have real talk about the deep, meaningful issues of Twilight- because there are so many. Twilight is serious. Just like Tweed. So Twilosophy must be taken seriously. In fact I made an image to accurately reflect the seriousness of Twilosophy.

Moving on, I was recently chatting with The Quad:

EastFriend: You know what I think, “Don’t have sex till you’re married, kids!” But… I wanted Edward and Bella to do it. I was literally breathless during those parts of the book…dying…

And then I threw my copy of Eclipse across the beach when she kissed Jacob. And admitted to Edward that she loved Jacob–“but I know whom I love more.” I kid you not, like a 3 year old having a tantrum, I flung that book across the sand, in disgust…going, “STUPID BEOTCH!” I then sat there for a good minute before picking it up and beginning to read again. Love me through it. (And yes, that copy of Eclipse–I have 3–still has sand in it. No lie.)

UC: I wanted her to get it on with Jacob for a quick second.

WestFriend: UC……I could kick you for that remark.
I am with EastFriend…I literally threw my book across the floor too. I did. I yelled in agony too. I said, “Oh no she did NOT!” and then told my family I wasn’t crazy. And then kept reading.

EastFriend: Ewwwww. You did not! I mean, yeah he’s cute and warm and cuddly and semi-sexy. But not for one minute did I want her to even put her lips near his. Nope. Not at all.

UC: I didn’t want it. until he DID it. until he kissed her. Then i wanted it. Then i was mad. And felt ashamed. Just like Bella. I AM Bella, clearly. Minus the bad cover-up mullet-wig.

I’ll confess, and this is hard for me knowing the ridicule and scorn I’ll receive from my beloved readers (it’ll be like any time KStew makes a fashion decision without the help of a stylist or how TammyO is treated in her real life that causes her to be so cruel on LTT), but I wanted Bella to kiss Jacob back!

My kind of shirt

I did. I wanted the kiss to happen. I wanted it to be hot. I wanted there to be tongue. I wanted there to be grinding up against each other (Clearly I needed to get laid that day) And I wasn’t disappointed. Until I remembered Edward. And how I had been thinking about how I wanted HIM to grind up against me Bella a chapter earlier. And I felt torn. And confused. And unsure of what to do. So I re-read the kiss part and tried to ignore those feelings for a few more seconds.

I’m not alone right!? There are other Team Edward members who think it would be fun to dabble in a little Team Jacob action from time to time, right? RIGHT!?I mean, I know Bella agrees. She liked that kiss- she CRIED over that kiss. And she’s the biggest Team Edward fan around!

Well, I did a little asking around in hopes that I would find an underground community of avid Team Edward members who occasionally had a little daytime fantasy about Jacob: Continue…

Close your eyes and think about your love for the Twilight series books. And now let your heart go ‘pitter-patter’ as you think of and feel your connection with Edward Cullen. Now, with your eyes still closed, shift your focus to the sub-par movie version of the beloved book series we’ve been focusing our energy on. What are you feeling? Super annoyed that after your most recent viewing of the movie you thought, “Wow… it’s really 2nd-hand embarrassing that my teenage sister and her friends just walked away from this movie and I’m still sitting here.”

I love Twilight. Plus having Rob as the hottest freaking vampire ever doesn’t hurt. But there are those of you (and some are crazy, sure) who thought it was a brilliant movie (That’s Not Normal), and then some of you LOVE the movie, but not because it was brilliant and not necesarily because of Rob. WHY!?

Before we jump into this today’s Twilosophy, let me define my love for Twilight: I love the story; I love the world Stephenie built; I love the familiarity of the movie and the way it made me feel when I saw the amazing book brought to life on the big screen the first time. Even though, during my first viewing, I had this nagging feeling of “that movie wasn’t that well-done,” I still loved it because I remembered what losing my Twi-virginity was like. So when I say “I/you/we love the movie,” that’s what I mean. I don’t mean I love it like I love “Whatever works,” my ‘best movie of 2009’ pick so far or like “500 Days of Summer,” or my love for “Waitress” or “Junebug.” No, no, no. I mean I love Twilight because it’s given me an amazing friendship with Moon- and with many of you- plus given me an opportunity to laugh, A LOT, and meet people in this amazing community we all built together.

So getting back to you closing your eyes feeling that love for Edward yet conflicted by the sub-par movie Edward starred in, I have to ask: Would we like Twilight the movie if it weren’t for Edward? And by “Edward,” I mean, Rob, playing our beloved Edward. Yes, we love the books & we love the story- so maybe we’d give it a second watch. But would we love the movie so much that we become interested with people barely involved with the movie, (the 100 monkeys, Bobby Long or Sam Bradley) or would we just push it off as a teenage movie that’s supposed to be bad? How much did Rob’s hottness and Rob’s portrayal of Edward have to do with the success? Do we make excuses for Twilight because of our attraction to Rob?

I posed this question to a group of LTT readers and loved their responses. Join the convo after the jump! Continue…