BABY ELEPHANT

MommaYour momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

LIGHTS OFFI'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'

HamburgersQ: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Naughty girlsWhy is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Fat mommaYour momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

SchoolMother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"

Harry PotterQ: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.