Dr. Gourley’s Case Studies

CASE HISTORY: Inventing is hard, but selling inventions is harder! Swim little fishy, because there’s blood in the water- you’ve entered the Piranha Pond. Our panel of business-savvy titans of industry are poised to chew up bad inventions and invest in good inventions. You know, like piranhas do? They don’t call the piranha “the sage financial business-fish of the Amazon,” but maybe they should so that the title of this show makes more sense.

CASE HISTORY: Accept no substitutes! The Old Original Spitbinders is the place to go when you need to feed! Tantalizing appe-teasers, succulent entrées, delectable desserts, and so much more. Wines from around the world! Locally brewed beers on tap! Unbelievable custom cocktails! Fresh ingredients, organic produce, and classic recipes with a modern twist. Oh, and our hosts will absolutely make sure that you will never taste any of it, you absolute birdbutt.

CASE HISTORY: On Pet Swap, pet owners from all walks of life get to spend a week with someone else’s pet while their fuzzy friends get to take a little vacation in someone else’s home. It alienates the animals and infuriates the pet owners! Why are they doing this? Only on NBC Golf!

CASE HISTORY: While most of planet Earth goes about its day, this stealth squad of Russian undersea warriors are poised to bring down the governments of the world, if only they could get around the old wheelchairs and arcade games someone brought aboard their Harpoon class nuclear submarine. Also, who microwaved fish? Come on. This is a shared break area. You guys are better than this.

CASE HISTORY: When it comes to surgery, precision and care are very important. That’s why The St. Judas Memorial Hospital Surgical Staff should only be performing complicated medical procedures on your worst enemies. This crew of barely certified medical specialists will absolutely not keep you alive at all!

CASE HISTORY: The Kratos Indiana Municipal Orchestra has been a staple of the municipal orchestra circuit since 1979. Playing mostly in Kratos, Indiana, the group once travelled to Spokane, Washington to make an appearance at the 1996 Miss All Natural Muscle Regional Semi-Final Bodybuilding for Verified Female Citizens of the Western United States Tournament. Helmed by longtime conductor Craig Gustavel, this orchestra loves Mahler, Bach, and passive-aggressively sending past-due notices to members who might be 10 seconds late in sending membership payments.

CASE HISTORY: At Six Flags Over St. Louis, Jesus is the rhesus for the seasus. So, we’re putting the Christ back into “Christ, the flames from that simulated holiday helicopter crash are getting extremely close to my family!” this Christmas. The reviews are in: three wise men give this show one star…One star of wonder!
‎EPISODES:5:1

CASE HISTORY: Listen to the feathered friends of Kona Korner as they take a whimsical flight through friendship. These animatronic avian amigos will charm you with their melodic and mildly racist songs and stories. Brought to you by Mencia’s!

CASE HISTORY: The Earps, Doc Holiday, and the Clanton gang clash at The O.K. Corral in an less-than-OK stunt experience. Due to the high price of blanks, the show now uses live ammunition! See history sort of unfold right before your eyes!
‎EPISODES:4:6

CASE HISTORY: Try to keep up, Dantari-toucher. After a few decades, The Empire rebranded, called themselves The First Order, decided to put their previous Death Stars under a magnifying glass, and now they have a planet that shoots light or some shit. Because everyone deserves a fresh coat of paint, The Rebellion is now The Resistance and they’re not going to put up with this, which is irrelevant, because the Brown Resistance Squadron is about as useful as a Hutt in a Dagobah pole vaulting contest.

CASE HISTORY: The Doom Room is an interactive horror escape experience that will test your resolve, bend your mind, and touch you gently when no one’s looking. Work as a team to solve mildly complex puzzles and riddles covered in party store cobwebs. Move with purpose through the labyrinth of broken dreams and obviously fake surgery implements. Steel your nerves as your mental stress levels increase because of rubber spiders and a high school dropout in fishnets and an alien mask pointing a strobe light at your group. Deys no exscape from The Doom Room.

CASE HISTORY: Antiques Roadsale is a harrowing voyage through the junk in America’s trunk. Our show travels the hills and dales of this great country, assessing and appraising marvels of patina-spackled history, Cobweb-covered memories, and things that just look like Civil War commuter mugs or some shit. Join us as we place absolutely arbitrary monetary value on heirlooms, artifacts, and garage sale horsefeathers. The Antiques Roadsale will be in your town soon, peeking under grandpa’s bed for some dusty olds and telling you what you could get for it. (Probably a Victorian claw-job.)

CASE HISTORY: Led by criminal mastermind Lex Luthor, The Legion of Doom is a criminal syndicate hell-bent on destroying the venerable and beloved Superfriends. Turns out, they’ve tried just about everything. Seriously. They’re open to just about any idea at this point. Membership standards are at an all-time low, so if you’re looking for a fun yet fruitless way to spend a few hours per week trying to end the lives of nearly invincible demigods dedicated to truth and justice with a near certainty of serious personal injury or even death, then The Legion of Doom might just be the ill-managed organization for you! Recruitment sessions happen every Wednesday starting at 5:30pm at the bulbous black metal dome down in the algae-slathered sinkhole behind the hardware store.

CASE HISTORY: PumpTV provides a much not-needed advertainment to gas station patrons around the United States. This is not your father’s gas station monitor garbage! The volume is all the way up and the information is as useless as a possible! Allow us to pollute your mind with short video blasts designed to waste your time, sap your energy, and test your very will to live! Go screw a wall socket!

CASE HISTORY: In 1989, Robert Crouj¢∞¶ᵃ∏ and a small group of friends started a book club which blossomed into the widely lauded National Public Radio program Listening To Looks At Books. What began as a frank discussion of literary releases has slowly atrophied into a tyrannical roundtable of utter nonsense. Authors pray to the paper gods that their books will not be the subject of the next, or any, episode.

CASE HISTORY: Based loosely on the Broadway theatre flop of the same title, The Swampbucklers Stunt Spectacular is the gold standard of theme park stunt entertainment. Now in its 34th fun-filled season, this 8 minute show packs punches, thrills, spills, pyrotechnics and all the reclaimed non-potable water you can catch in your overpriced poncho, into one action-packed fuckfest. 21 Days without an accident!

CASE HISTORY: In 1973, a mysterious, gruesome, and still unsolved murder occurred in the mansion of Harley Gorsock, noted philanthropist and alleged inventor of the bicycle tire. Then again, in 1976, 1979, 1980, 1983, 1984, 1989, 1990-1996, 1997, 2000, 2002 and probably in 2005, more mysterious, gruesome, and still unsolved murders occurred. The Gorsock Mansion, now inhabited by Miss Ursula Mädchen, has attracted unwanted notoriety as the top American tourist destination for people who would like to see a place where countless mysterious, gruesome, and still unsolved murders have occurred. The tours are not sanctioned by the city or state, nor are they allowed by law, as local and federal police are still searching for evidence. Closed Mondays.

CASE HISTORY: Too busy to atone for your sins? No problem! With the convenience of Cardinal Volpe’s Audio Mass, you can give glory to God on the go. Praise his holy name while driving, while working out at the gym, or while sinning. Now available for Zune!

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Superego: Profiles In Self-Obsession

Improvised, analyzed and delivered to you monthly by Drs. Matt Gourley, Jeremy Carter, Mark McConville, and Paul F. Tompkins. Superego is brought to you by a generous grant from the Sofabed Foundation.™

Drs. Carter and Gourley seek to redefine the traditional understanding of the term superego, in effect surpassing Freud's label of our own moral compass to arrive at a more appropriate definition: the inflation of one's ego beyond epic proportions of absurdity. These findings are presented for the Pscience™ community at large.