International Bereaved Mother’s Day: Honoring our Birth Stories

Today we celebrate International Bereaved Mother’s Day. We honor precious children that have died and their Mothers whose love and bravery are to be respected and commended. The loss of a child is one of the most painful experiences a person can endure. At the same time, speaking for myself, I would never erase my pain. It is evidence of love. It speaks to the short but meaningful life of my first son, Zachary.

Yes, my memories are tinged with sadness, but more so they are shrouded with love.

Do you notice my theme here?

LOVE

Love is what binds us. Love sustains us. Love is the answer to the heart’s longings. Love is what keeps our loved ones alive.

My Mom is a wise lady. I respect and admire her, as much as we butt heads many days. Mom always tells me, “Those we love, we keep alive by the stories we tell of them.” She brought up many famous historical figures as examples for this. They are alive in the world because we have written about them in history books and taught about them in schools. We have local, national and international days of remembrance in their honor. Thus, the younger generations learn about our history and the defining individuals that shaped our world and world views.

Today – International Bereaved Mother’s Day – is a day to tell stories. Birth stories. Stories of how we became Mothers. Stories that we want remembered. Celebrating our children and who they made us to be now, how they changed our lives forever. Our children that have died are important parts of our personal histories, and continue to be dearly loved today, as always.

Please share #stillamom on social media today.

Honoring our Birth Stories

Every woman’s birth stories are unique. These are the experiences we share as we sit around and talk about how our children entered the world. Sometimes these entrances followed our plan, other times not at all. Still, birth stories, whether they end in death or in life, share some common threads.

1. Love is the constant variable. We love our children that we lost in miscarriage, stillbirth, SIDS or any other type of loss. And we love our rainbow babies. We love our children we had prior to loss, when we were still innocent to the possibility for this kind of heartache. No matter how challenging the experiences we endured in birthing all those little ones, love is present no matter what.

One of the most healing epiphanies I had after Zachary died was that my love for him could never be torn away from me. I think it is a beautiful thing that the love I have for ALL my children is the same. Even as memory fades, the love never does.

2. The freedom from judgement. No one should judge another person’s choices, struggles or triumphs in carrying and giving birth to babies. It is important to remember that we are all coming from different places, with individualized beliefs, and our own sets of baggage. The last thing any parent needs is someone to criticize their birth experience.

My younger self was far more judgmental than I am today. I remember believing in absolute right and absolute wrong. Now, I see that there are a thousand variations of that spectrum.

There are some that choose to continue their pregnancy after their baby in utero is diagnosed with a fatal condition. That was my experience with Zach. Then there are others that choose to terminate. I met one such couple when filming the documentary Expecting Sunshine: The Truth About Pregnancy After Loss. When this couple shared their birth story, of their baby who could never have survived beyond the womb, there was still so much love there. It was not a decision they made lightly. They still took pictures, bathed and dressed their little one, and cherished every moment they had together.

This is just one example of the impossible decisions so many families have to face. I truly do believe that all parents do their best in making these and other tough decisions. How does the saying go? Unless we have walked a mile in someone else’s shoes…

3. The need to be shared. We honor our deceased and living children by talking about them. There is no need to suffer alone any longer on the journey of grief. Similarly, there is no need to walk the path of fear by yourself as you expect your rainbow baby after loss. Also, if you are unable to have more children, this does not negate your right to share about your experiences as a mother, even if others do not always understand. By sharing our stories, we help heal our own wounds while we educate and support other bereaved moms and dads, and those who have not loved and lost.

This was something I discovered only once I started opening up about my loss and then about my fears in my pregnancy after loss. We are all passionate about our birth stories. I cannot tell you how much joy it brings to me to talk about ALL my kids. Even Zachary’s birth story is something I cherish. And I also love hearing what others have been through, as it invariably teaches me something about being a mother, a woman and a human on this journey of life.

Sending you love today as you celebrate International Bereaved Mother’s Day in the way that feels right for you.

Give yourself or a bereaved mom you love a meaningful gift today, International Bereaved Mother’s Day, or as a compassionate gesture on Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day is a time to honor the mothers in your life – and giving a truly thoughtful gift shows you care. Or, maybe it’s you that needs to be spoiled with self-care. Whether you are shopping for yourself or your mom, grandma, friend, wife, or partner, the Expecting Sunshine Book Box is a wonderful choice this Mother’s Day.

You can order the book box by clicking here: www.alexismariechute.com/product/expecting-sunshine-mothers-day-book-box/

Description

EXPECTING SUNSHINE BOOK BOX CONTENTS:

Award-winning bestselling memoir Expecting Sunshine: A Journey of Grief, Healing and Pregnancy After Loss, signed by the author, Alexis Marie Chute

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Alexis Marie Chute

My name is Alexis Marie. Thank you for visiting Wanted Chosen Planned.
My son Zachary died in my arms moments after his birth. His short life transformed every part of who I am. As an artist, photographer and writer I have found healing through creative expression. Wanted, Chosen, Planned is my legacy for Zach.

Recommended Reading

Expecting Sunshine is a story about love, loss, and the enduring bond between parent and child, all framed within the 40 weeks of the subsequent pregnancy.