Iran Surrenders to U.S. in Fear of Second Caps-Lock Attack

Last night, much to the amazement of the world, Donald Trump executed a hasty yet effective strategic strike on Tehran using a weapon-system never deployed by any other world leader in history. The attack was swift and decisive, bringing President Rouhani to his political knees. The weapon-system?

The Caps-Lock Tweet.

President Rouhani instigated the hostilities by issuing a stark warning to the United States that Iran was not a country to be taken lightly. President Trump apparently agreed with this sentiment. Trump’s response was anything but light.

Very similar to the burden bestowed upon former President Harry Truman during World War II, President Trump had to battle with an impossible decision: Does the United States attempt to reason maturely with a maniacal dictator? Or, do we unveil a weapon-system that will forever leave a dark chapter in the pages of history, but also put a stop to Iran’s reign of terror?

Trump bravely chose the latter: On July 22nd, 2018, at 11:24PM, President Donald J. Trump deployed The Caps-Lock Tweet.

Nobody even knew that the United States had perfected such technology. In the past, there have been rudimentary attempts to create this weapon by the likes of Roseanne Barr, and the “Cash me Ousside” girl, but it’s always proven to be a weak and ineffective weapon-system.

Last night, that was anything but the case. As soon as the wave of Caps-Lock fury swept through Tehran, Rouhani knew his fight was lost. He ordered his troops to drop their weapons, and immediately made a call to Trump on a private diplomatic line, where he reportedly begged for the American onslaught to be halted.

NATO and U.N. have called for an emergency security meeting to discuss how the world going to regulate such a devastating weapon system. Many leaders fear that the Caps-Lock Tweet may one day fall into the hands of tyrants, such as Kim Jong Un, or even rogue militant groups like ISIS.

May God have mercy on all of the innocent souls caught in the collateral wake of Iran’s demise.