23 thoughts on “Maybe He Wasn’t Coachable”

I love the duality of this post, that while some people may not be coach-able (or aren’t yet “ready” to be coached), we should always re-assess if we still have more to learn in being better coaches.

I have learned from conscious discipline parenting that while we can’t change others, we can change our behaviours and discuss others’ behaviours with them. Knowing whether someone is triggering a recollection of prior bad coaching you had (your dad got upset when you left papers out so you can’t stand see others’ leave papers out) allows you to address your own tendancies and ensure they don’t encroach too much upon how you exhibit emotional tells to those around you.

That is so true ….. any football fans out there will know the few individuals who are so good on the ball but not on a team !! Balotelli as an example better known as Super Mario but by goodness it would take the patience of a saint to work with that man …… which he has proved over and over and over again 🙂

You find these individuals in all walks of life occasionally. You won’t have to look for them !

Timely post, thank you… some of this came up at a breakfast early today.. bringing folks to a place in which they recognize their need AND want to step up is challenging. Personally I look for a heart that is both dissatisfied (I don’t like where I am) and teachable (I understand others able to help and I will receive their help.)
For some, frustration produces resistance (“nothing seems to work”) Coaches have a tough time when that wall goes up.

Thanks Dan, coaching and being coached certainly sharpened my radar for those who really don’t want to do anything about their situation. Walking the line of “candid empathy” can be beneficial as an approach to the un-coachables – my experience suggests you give the feedback once, twice at most, then wait as long as it takes.
However as per your first point – you have to have connection in the first place.
Richard

Thanks Richard. You got my mind spinning. Some managers are listening to the same issues over and over. Let people vent once…just listen. But, if the same situation comes back around, don’t talk about it unless you plan to do something about it.

This was a great quick read about considering if all people are coachable. It’s tough to remember when you are neck deep in the year but it’s a great reminder to consider. My response would be that all people are coachable, but may not be open at all times to coaching. I would hope that my impact as a coach can go further than just those that I deem “coachable.” I think it’s a tough position to be in because there is not a great way to measure your effectiveness of practice. It’s an interesting conundrum for me- how do you know when you have made impact as a coach? For me my goal is to work with staff in a way that allows them to see the power they have within themselves to become better. I truly believe that we all can be better, we all have room to grow. When I think about it, I remember the book How To Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days. I think we put star teachers up on these pedestals and we all want to be just like them- effective, happy, classrooms under control. But when we truly look deeply into someone else’s classroom we may be surprised at what we see. We don’t see excellence and superiority from those “rock star” teachers, we see hard work, dedication, and a growth/innovators mindset. What many don’t realize is we can all be rockstars with the right mentality. We can all achieve, but we have to face our fears dead on. We have to look failure in the face and say well, that didn’t work- now I’ll try…. We must believe in ourselves and our abilities- and for me, that’s where a coach comes in. Sometimes teachers just need a little bit of support to see it, to feel it, to be brave. So at that point, when the teacher is ready, the coach, co-teacher, colleague, etc can step in and collaborate. It’s not about a right way or a wrong way, it’s about kids. It’s about opportunity. It’s about discovery.

Great post … how often I still my my self 2nd guessing myself or getting a bit “frustrated” or almost parental as a coach when a client doesn’t seem to be moving as I would have expected … I often turn back to Hargrove’s thoughts in Masterful Coaching when he discusses: getting clear on who you need to be in the conversation; e.g. I will suspend judgement, come without an agenda, be in service to this client etc. While at the same time asking the question: Who do I need this client to be? e.g committed to an extraordinary future, committed to a coaching relationship, someone who is struggling with coaching but authentically wants to change etc. I feel if we say/think they are uncoachable in our minds – they will show up as uncoachable … (this is our story)

What is “your story” about your client, children etc. Does it need to be changed to be the most value added coach, parent you can be?

I agree that people have times when they are uncoachable, and I think that this does not mean they are always uncoachable. Sometimes people may be unaware of a need to change their performance. Other times they are unwilling to change their performance. And sometimes they are both unaware and unwilling. Sometimes as coaches our challenge is to help people be aware and to find what may cause someone to be willing.

Hire for skill, fire for lack of coachability. If a person is coachable, find a place for their talent, either inside or outside your organization. Don’t waste their time trying to coach them to be something they’ll never be. If its outside your organization, you are doing both of you a favor. However, if they are talented yet not coachable, you have to create a tipping point or dump them, as these people typically are cancerous.

Coaches come in many flavors and not all are doing what I would consider coaching for change, as opposed to teaching, training, managing, leading, or brow-beating (to name a few variations on how to help someone change).

Your post does a masterful job of outlining how we can determine when someone is truly not coachable, as opposed to when we just do not know how to coach them or maybe just do not want to attempt to coach them.

Coachees who are hesitant to get coached and are reluctant to grow need to be heard well. Connect with them, encourage and push them to adopt new better ways working. Instill a better confidence in them by ensuring objectivity, transparency and performance based evaluation in future.

Coaches generally look for coachables as part of the organization, willing to change, prepared to work on newer things, ready to improve as a team player and very supportive to their immediate bosses. Excelling in the current job, readying to get further trained to learn on new knowledge & techniques and keeping the high spirit at work to fulfill the future goals are essentials what good coaches always look as part of their basic responsibilities.

I think everyone can be coached some of the time. My takehome is that NOBODY can coach all the people all of the time. What sort of arrogance is implicit in the idea that if someone doesn’t gain from being coached by you, it’s all down to them?! If YOU can’t build them up, in all probability someone else can. In a business environment you have to make a value judgement on how far/long you can go to accomodate the coach/learner combination, but never fall into the trap of thinking you aren’t part of the problem.

#2 is a great point. For some “coaching” has become the new catch word. But the leader is NOT really coaching… just trying to control from a different angle. And everyone under them knows it. If you’re a despot the term you use for how you manage people is just a word, not a style of leadership.

BTW- I’m in favor of coaching and I’m trying to lead those I’m responsible for well. Just sick of shenanigans dressed up as good leadership from some that I have to endure. Thanks for the daily input Dan. It helps us cut through the fog…

Quoting: “You must imagine it before you do it.” At its most basic level, to me at least, this includes making the choice to seek assistance. Just like a student cannot be taught until she/he chooses to learn, a coach will not be helpful until the coachee chooses to accept assistance. Your list of ten traits associated with being coachable all are connected with making the choice or dependent upon having made the choice.

Dan
Thank you for this important post. As a Coach it’s my observation that taking personal responsibility is the cornerstone for a successful coaching journey. Clients who do this are able to transform their lives faster and also create sustainable change.