Smile Again: When Someone Hurts You (Linkup)

This came as a surprise to me. I certainly didn’t mean to go there – to the place where my voice got a little louder and my eyes watered a little greater – only to end pouring out in an avalanche of tears.

Ever been there?
To that place where you hate going?
The one where you regret visiting after all is said and done?

I don’t like that place. It distracts my heart from the day’s duties, it disrupts my sleep and it usually leaves me guilt-ridden for days.

Yet, there I was – feelings busted open. Wide open. Lying on the floor open.

It felt, this person was crippling my authentic heart towards God.

Negating my pure intentions.Saying I was inadequate.As if, she was not for me.

I took insult.

And, while forgiveness seemed further than Antarctica yesterday, isn’t it amazing how the gift of time can move our hearts rapidly into God’s light? His light where he brings all truth.

His light exposed my aching and rapidly pulsing heart. Here, I was able to identify a resounding theme – She made me feel ____________ about _____________.

If God is God – and, I am not…

If God is God – and they are not…

How can another define who I am?

How could they ever define the intentions of my heart?

They can’t. Only God defines me. Only He knows the inner workings of Kelly. Only He knows the deep intentions and the pulse of my life, which no one else is privy to.

So, why did I absorb all her words as if they were greater than His?

Why did I overreact instead of act with love?

When you hold someone accountable for that which Christ has already given you, you wrongly exalt them above your Maker.

Sure, words, instruction and wisdom are vital to a strong Christian walk. We should receive these things. And, indeed, the body of Christ is surely put in place to build up, but one thing is true – people never hold greater authority than the work of God or the Word of God.

God never gave people make or break status. They don’t have that ability – unless we let them.

Our job is to keep our eyes constantly set on him above, so we can always walk in love.

For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. (Mt. 7:2)

When I think of this friend, I realize I can’t hold her accountable. Likely, she didn’t know how badly I strive to be pure, she didn’t know how much I pray to be used, she didn’t know how much power her words held. She likely didn’t know her words would cripple. How could she?

Her only responsibility is her own heart, before her great God – something I am entirely not responsible for.

But, I am responsible to respond to God. To forgive. To see past. To release. To love. To heal. To build into. To encourage. To see past. To bear under.

God calls me here because forgiveness is often about them, just as much as it is about me.

We don’t have to approve what happened,
we just have to approve that God is best equipped to handle it.

We don’t have to feel healed,
we just have to trust he will heal us.

We don’t have to fight,
but simply let God fight on our behalf. (Ex. 14:14)

We don’t have to dwell in misery-mode,
God is calling us to ministry-mode.

This is the call of God. The calling of our heart. The calling to lay down arms, in order to pick up an arm to love, to hug and to wrap around the one before us.

But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Sam. 16:7)

God sees hearts. Only God.

As we seek God, he reveals our hearts to us. You know what I see when I look deep, deep into my heart? The heart that fought so hard to be right before God? Embarrassingly, I see that nasty word, that mean word, that ugly word – the one we never want to admit or see – PRIDE.

How many of our arguments are based from this place?

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)

Forgive me Father. I have sought to look good before man. I have sought to win approval from a sister in Christ. Yet, all that matters is your view of me. You know me and you see me. Forgive me for my anger at not being seen by her, because all that matters is – YOU. Amen.

The Lord changes hearts, with these types of prayer. He replaced my pulsating hot heart with a radiating softened heart of love. When someone hurts you, God will use it as an opportunity to rework you – if only you let him.

Receive one another, then, just as Christ also received you, to God’s glory. Ro. 15:7

purposefulfaith

Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.

There is this messiness that sneaks into our lives when we least expect and we react immediately instead of looking to God first and then turning to the situation with God’s eyes instead of ours. I understand how easy it can be to turn the wrong direction because emotions are powerful and they can easily consume us. God does ask us to forgive, to know we are everything in His eyes even if not to the world and to act in love. Your story above happens thousands of times each day but we know that turning to God is the answer. Now to do it and trust with everything we have. Hope your day is blessed. Your words are meaningful and a gift. Keep writing and sharing your heart!

I agree Mary, it is easy to just respond. It’s so interesting how many times our responses are rooted in pride, when we step back to take a look too. I pray your day is so full of joy and peace. Thanks for being an awesome part of the #RaRalinkup.

Kelly,
I really loved this post. I hadn’t really stopped to consider that when we give people that power over us, we are, in essence, exalting them above God. Lord, may we all keep others’ opinions of us in their proper place…
Blessings this day,
Bev

I’m sorry that your friend hurt you! Thanks for sharing so transparently with us because we can all surely relate! I like this: “When someone hurts you, God will use it as an opportunity to rework you – if only you let him.”

Just last week a friend unintentionally hurt my feelings. I let her know how I felt, and all was taken care of, forgiven, solved. It was totally different than the situation you’re describing here, but God did use it in me! Blessings on your day, friend. Look forward to visiting other linkup sisters!

Kelly- this is beautiful. God designed us to have pain in broken relationships so we would move toward forgiveness and restoration- especially when our relationship with Him is broken. I love this thought: “We don’t have to approve what happened, we just have to approve that God is best equipped to handle it.” AMEN! Your desire for purity is inspiring and encouraging. Thanks for sharing your heart and your gift for writing.

Thank you sweet Karen. God is working things out – always – for his glory. Oh Lord, help us to understand this truth. We can lay back on you, even when people lay into us. Karen, you are such an encourager. I am beyond encouraged by you and tremendously grateful for your love. Thank you.

It can be so hard to keep our eyes on Jesus and not on others. We are surrounded by them all the time, but God is greater – all the time. I agree Samantha. Thank you for sharing your heart this morning.

Great thoughts, “And, indeed, the body of Christ is surely put in place to build up, but one thing is true – people never hold greater authority than the work of God or the Word of God.” Oh, how I have been guilty of this. Thank you for the reminder that His Words matter, His Words build and correct us.

We just heard a sermon about this topic on Sunday at church! With forgiveness and offense, the responsibility is ours to forgive, not the offenders. That is what God desires from us. And when we forgive? Such freedom! Thank you for sharing your heart on this today, Kelly!

It is our responsibility, so true Kristine. We are the one’s who carry the load, for the most part. Why not relieve ourselves of that? Right? Thank you for joining me for the #RaRalinkup Kristine. I love seeing your comments.

And this right here sums it up for me, people pleasing. As I get older it gets easier, but it’s been a fight and has required constant awareness of my thoughts. Pleasing God…that’s my prayer. (And also to let criticism fall away, it can still sting a moment, I’m human after all:)

Kelly, beautiful words to encourage me today: “We don’t have to dwell in misery-mode,
God is calling us to ministry-mode.” Oh how my heart needed to hear that! Love you, sweet sister and cheering you on today!

Kim, it’s easy to fall into misery-mode. I normally stay there for a while, but I certainly can’t minister there. Let’s keep moving towards his love so we may love others. Thank you for your words of encouragement this morning.

[…] today with my encouraging sisters in Christ, Stacey Thureen {#FindStability} and Kelly Balarie {#RaRaLinkUp}. Visit their blogs – there are many writers who are sharing words of hope and linking there […]

There was this “We don’t have to approve what happened,
we just have to approve that God is best equipped to handle it.” and your words make me sit up! 🙂
Thanks for taking me there with such grace, Kelly. Such a gift! xxoo

Beautiful post, Kelly! Love the words, “We don’t have to feel healed,
we just have to trust he will heal us.” Powerful. Though we often don’t feel it in the moment, the truth is, God will heal us. He is faithful.

Such a hard situation to be in & yet, we have all been there. May we be quick to deal with our hurts before God quickly so they do not fester. Unforgiveness will grow roots & wrap itself around every part of our hearts & minds if we leave it be. Not easy to deal with but so worth the freedom & wholeness it gives us. Blessings!

My dear friend,
You got me right from the post’s image, “No one has the power to make or break you, unless you let them”. That is so powerful! I feel a mixture of freedom, yet conviction. Do you know what I mean? The truth is freeing, but I realize how much room for growth there is for me here. I am in the midst of learning all of these truths in my life – in relation to my father and to my abusers. God says who I am. Not them. They don’t define me. He does. If you could pray for me that I would believe this wholeheartedly, and not be double-minded. This is a tough one for me.
Much love,
Kamea

Kamea, I know this is a tough one. Oh, do I know. I am praying for you right now. God will answer the call and desire of your heart on this. He will faithfully bring you through. It may be overnight or, like me, it may be more of a process, but one thing is for sure – he will deliver you from this as you seek him. I praise him for this.

Kelly, this appears to be a resounding theme for the church body this week I think. I have seen many articles so far this week that are fitting this theme and going together nicely. I even have one coming out tomorrow.
I love how God is using us all together to encourage others for His sake. Thank you for sharing your heart with us so faithfully.
Blessings,

I think it is a powerful theme. The idea of reality TV came to mind (oddly enough). I think we see so much conflict, so much “right-to-be-right” that we have to fight for the power of forgiveness even more. I can’t wait to see your post Deborah. Thank you for sharing in this important message!

Strong, strong, strong post today, Kelly. Many of us can identify with your scenario.
But this? –> “When you hold someone accountable for that which Christ has already given you, you wrongly exalt them above your Maker.” It’ll make a girl say, “Ouch!” It’s truth. Nothing should be above God. Your words have truly been encouragement. Thank you, my friend.

This is so true. I had someone spout cruel words at me, and it took me a LONG time to heal. Their words etched on my mind and heart, and I started to believe they were true. I finally had to fall at the cross and realize my identity is in Christ, not in someone else’s unfiltered opinion spewed in anger.
“Only God defines me.” You said it perfectly with those 4 words. Pure truth.

I praise God that you fell on Jesus. I praise God that you let him etch his truth on your heart. I praise God that he worked on us both. We are his WIP’s – works-in-progress, but he will complete his work one day and we will high five all to his glory!

Lois, how kind of you to say this. I know God took me deep on this one. I had a lot of sorting out to do. He is so faithful to answer us when we seek him honestly. Thank you for your words. They mean a lot to me.

Ahhh Kelly, I needed to read this today. My intentions have been misread. I have been accused and I’m not quite sure why. My faith and walk have been devalued. God used you today friend. God knows me and my heart.

I praise God for this. Lord, thank you for Carmen. I pray that anything that has come against her will fall down. I pray she can lay herself out for your will. I pray she can follow after you in all ways. I pray that you use her solely for your goals. She is such a holy woman; she is so loved, please take amazing care of her, as I know you will.

Great encouragement, Kelly, “The calling to lay down arms, in order to pick up an arm to love.” God keeps speaking to me recently that my reactions are an opportunity to honor Him. I pray I heed His prompt because I’m sure I will be tested soon and so desire to be a woman who picks up arms of love, not in my strength but with God’s power working through me.

What powerful truth: “When someone hurts you, God will use it as an opportunity to rework you – if only you let him.” Thankful you were open to letting God work then sharing it with us…It is so hard but so good when we cooperate with God…((hugs))

I’m always so encouraged after I spend time reading your words, Kelly. You really are a “cheerleader of faith!” : ) I tell myself that phrase, God is God and I am not, often, but I’ve never turned it around and applied it to other people’s words about me or my intentions. God is God and they are not. That’s good.

Kelly,
Oh, how quickly others can muddy the waters. But I’ve found if the words of another can affect me so much, I might be holding on to their approval, love or acceptance of me too tightly.

It’s in these moments where I have to purpose to see right over their heads and look to The One who matters most. I dive into His words and a dab His healing salve on those hurts.
Keep your eyes on Him who never fails when others fail you! His approval is secure in Christ for ALL ETERNITY!!

Kelly, I have indeed been there before…probably more times than I care to admit. I am a crier and cry easily. Let’s just say I have been known to cry at a Hallmark commercial….or two! It is so easy to get caught up in others words. Yet you are right God knows our hurts and is there with us. Thanks for this post today. Your words once again spoke to my heart. I need to remember that sometimes those who have hurt me probably are dealing with their own issues.

Tara, it gets easy to get hurt sometimes, doesn’t it? Yes, often people who are hurt – hurt. I am so thankful that Jesus is above us as a great example, whichever hurting one we are. Thank you so much for your comment today.

Oh, Kelly, this speaks to me so beautifully. I take other’s words or actions towards me far too personally when I should be turning to God for everything, all the answers to who I am.
Thank you, sweet girl. You have blessed me this evening.
Caring through Christ, ~ linda

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About Kelly

Who I am? I don’t fully know. As I figure it, I am still learning, still inching towards God to let his light shine on all he made me to be. But, one thing I have uncovered in this dim world is – I am a “Cheerleader of Faith.” Meaning, I cheerlead my own heart in truth, so it can walk by truth. Meaning, I get myself up, bruises and all, to figure out God’s leading. I listen.
Read more about Kelly

About Kelly

Kelly, a fun-loving, active and spunky mom of two rambunctious toddlers, spends her days pushing swings, changing diapers and pursuing the Lord with all her heart. Called a "Cheerleader of Faith", Kelly's greatest desire is to help women live passionately, purposefully and unencumbered for the Lord.
Read more about Kelly