Why is he doing this? How could he change so quickly?

WHY is my ex doing with his new girlfriend (he dumped me for her after 2 years together) *everything* I begged him to do together - and he never, ever found the time or money to? Like traveling, going out at night to dance, going to the beach, socialize with friends... he even bought a tablet that he always refused to buy despite my recommendations! I just don't get it. And it hurts BIG TIME since this was the main cause of resentment from my part. I tried to make him understand how important it was for me, but he would not understand. He said he loved me, and I thought he was sincere... but I had the feeling I was not a priority for him. He had time, but he devoted it almost exclusively to his hobbies (he "could not live" w/o them!) and his family (I loved spending time with them, but not all the time!). And he spent money left and right, but a weekend out of town was "too exensive".

HOW can someone change so much and so soon? How can he suddenly have time and money for all this? I belive he does not know I am aware of what he is up to (although he could guess, since we have common friends) so I don't think this is a way to get back at me. Is he maybe doing this to prove himself that he is not the cause of our break up? It was (is!) very, very painful for me and I got terribly depressed. He may feel guilty for what he made me go through... he tried to contact me some time ago - I think he just wanted to see how I am doing and ease his guilt. But I refused to talk/email/text him ever since the break up, full no contact. No point.

Most Helpful Girl

I went through this. After 3 1/2 years being with my ex he cheated on me nd ended up staying with that girl. I did everything for him and he never did one thing for me!! After that he did everything for this girl!! After 3 months of them dating he broke it off and tried coming back to me after he realized what he lost. As much as I wanted too be with him, I let him go. Now he's still single trying to be with me. Some guys are very stupid.. They do some stuff to purposely fuck with ur mind. He probably thinks exactly what ur thinking. Like "hey I've never don't this for my ex, if I do this for my new one she'll get jealous" even if he's the one that left u, they'll still try to make u jealous. They think they could move on but we can't. They always come back. U watch nd wait

1

1|0

0|0

Asker

Wow. I don't know what's wrong with some people. I mean, seriously. I hope he had a VERY good explanation as why he did what he did... but probably he was not convincing enough, since you let him go. Well done! 👍🏻 As much as I want my ex back, I also would let him go if he ever came back. And I hope he will, just to turn him down - a little revenge... I feel bad for thinking like this! But I do not want to talk to him. Ever. Again. He just hurt me too much. I did so much for him too! But I feel he never appreciated it. He probably did not even notice. and when I needed his help the most, going through a difficult time in my life... he turned his back on me and left with his coworker!! Easy, huh? I do not wish him bad, but it would be very fair if life could give him make him experience what I went through since he broke up with me because of him. VERY fair.

No honestly I thought the same!! I was like once he comes back should I fuck with his mind nd act like I'm going to give him a chance? But when it came down to it, and he tried to come back I just ignored him and never replied. He tried adding me on Instagram and I never accepted. I was so In love with this guy. I even had a miscarriage from him.. In the beginning for about 6months I felt like my world was ending.. I would never get over him.. But eventually I did. I still think about him. But like when he texted me I got happy, but then I had to make myself remember what he did to me.. He waited 11 months to try nd come back!! He waited too lonng. I haven't moved on but I would never give him the time of day anymore

😔 I feel for you. If it can help, I had a miscarriage from him too that brought me into depression for months... he did not even notice. He just accused me of being "different" than when we met me. 😶 Sadly, often people see and hear what they want to see and hear, to their convenience. My ex did not try to come back. He moved on immediately after breaking up with me (he tried to keep it secret, but I found out) and he is still with her. But when he broke up with me he asked for friendship and offered help to the point of being annoying! He tried to give me suggestions on how to overcome the break up, can you believe it? I was so sick and tired that I cut all contact since then. He emailed me a few weeks ago, I believe it was just an excuse to nose into my life.

What Guys Said 2

Sounds like he's compensating. He's living the high life. He'll come crashing back to Earth sometime. You'll hear from him when his world implodes. And it will. It always does. You can mark my words on that.

1

1|0

0|0

Asker

I hope so. This has been going on for months now... And that day doesn't seem to come soon enough.I don't wish anyone bad, but this is really so unfair! And painful as I can't stop comparing myself with his new girlfriend.

She is better than me, and seems to have everything I always wanted to be and have (my ex knows it): prettier, younger, successful in her job (which is way better than mine. And yes, they are coworkers, in the same office working on the same projects), fancy car (I can't afford a car now), she likes my same type of music, healthy living, traveling... She looks like a much better copy of myself. She looks like me some time ago - full of life. And she also has such an influence on my ex that not only she could interfere in our relationship... looks like she also knows how to make him do whatever I struggled to when we were together.I realize that this is not positive thinking and I can't hope to feel better if I don't change it. Being left for someone else is one of the worst experience in life - especially when its done by hiding and lying about it. I can't understand where I messed up...

You're being too hard on yourself. I did that, too. I'm certain you're a good person. You're still full of life, you just don't realize it. Some people feel a need to meddle - she's one. Her gamble paid off. Don't let it ruin your life. You're better than you think you are. I can tell that.

Some people just don't have shame... They careless do whatever they feel like at the expenses of others. And then they tell a bunch of lies to family, friends, coworkers and mostly to themselves to justify their actions and show that what they did was the only right thing to do! I could not be happy knowing I hurt someone like this. My conscience would not allow me to. I do not now if I am a good person, I try to.

I never understood how my fiance could do to me what she did, either. It was very similar. But I'm a good person and so are you. I couldn't do what she did - but at least now, I understand why she did what she did. It took a long time to get there. I know the pain you're feeling. Some part of me will always feel it. I have to live with what I did, forever. All I can do is try not to do it again.

I am sorry you had to go through a painful experience. I feel you. And I understand what you mean. When things go bad in a relationship most likely both partners are guilty...What hurts is that my ex decided to solve our problems with a coworker he met a few weeks before, rather than talking to me first - it was easier. Instead, I went through months of introspection before and after the break up, to figure out myself, him and our relationship. And I totally did, I know what happened and how we could have fixed it. I know myself much better, and I know him much better (I am sure know him better that himself). And, yes, we both did something wrong...He did not show me enough respect to have a conversation with me before disengaging - I think this hurts the most. His actions show he did not consider our relationship worth a second chance. Now that I know better, I cannot do anything to fix things! Oh well. :( I guess it's much better to be alone rather than with the wrong person.

As much as it hurts you deserve to be with someone that can treat you the way he's treating his new girlfriend. It's not a loss but a gain, it will be hard to see it now because you are hurt but you'll see. It's gonna take time

1

1|0

0|0

Asker

Thank you for your words... I agree and I feel so naive for not seeing that this relationship was set to fail. I wasted my time and health... should have put an end to it long before the break up.

Don't feel naive and don't feel sorry. when we fall in love we fail to recognize the red flags and see things clearly. You will find someone who won't take you for granted and will make you his priority. Take care and be strong

I hope so... although right now I feel it will take me a long time to be able to trust others. It was not only me in love... he likes to talk a lot and was very good in telling stories. And I bought it!

What Girls Said 1

:( unfortunately it seems that he's prepared to do things for this be girl that he wasn't for you. I'm in the same boat and I know it's heartbreaking but you need to realise that he isn't worth the pain. There's someone out there that will do all those things, and more because they are the right one for you. And he isn't.

1

1|0

0|0

Asker

Right.. he is not worth the pain. Most important thing is to focus on ourselves and live well. Better things await. Some days I am fully aware of this and I feel so hopeful! But some other days I feel so desperate, especially when I hear about the "wonderful" things they do together! I wish internet did not exist sometimes..

It's gut feeling, but somehow I believe he will get tired of her as well even though she seems a wonder woman.. or more likely she will get tired of him at some point. He is a great guy, but challenging at times.. you really need to know him well, have a great self esteem and and not take his behavior personally to be happy. Or live the relationship superficially.. Things started to go south when we became serious and life challenges stressed us out. I spent so much time/energy trying to figure everything out. And I did, unfortunately too late 😔 after he broke up with me. I am sad I could not share with him what I understood about me, him and us as a couple.