Coming to the silver screen: Madness

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GARY LOEWEN

Three new hockey-themed movies are showing (maybe) in a theatre near you:

Madagascar as Hell and I'm Not Going to Take it Anymore: Escape to Africa.

A hockey player (Jason Blake) finds the last place on earth where he can get a first-line job. Learns to hit the broad side of an elephant with his shot.

Zack and Jiri Make a Porno.

A fringe Leafs winger (Jiri Tlusty) follows up on his photogenic debut on the Internet last year. It's rated R, which is somewhat higher than his hockey skills. Opening in AHL cities only.

Slumdog Millionaire.

A member of the Minnesota Wild (Marian Gaborik) is treated harshly by fans after being embroiled in a contract dispute. He then refuses to play, claiming he has a lower-wallet injury. Alexei Yashin makes his directorial debut.

Seven years of J.P.

Jeepers, peepers, it was seven years yesterday that J.P. Ricciardi arrived in town, all bright-eyed and bespectacled.

Now, after one five-year plan and seven years of bad karma with the Blue Jays, J.P. remains bright-eyed, but the specs are gone and the vision is, well, foggy.

Baseball's equivalent of Boxing Week is getting under way and Ricciardi will have some cash available to throw at free-agent millionaires, depending on if A.J. Burnett excepts or rejects their contract offer.

The Jays could use a starting pitcher or two, a catcher, a shortstop and a new wrist for Lyle Overbay at first base.

But, geez, J.P.'s free agent acquisitions haven't been great in the past. He's usually okay when he shops for bargains at the dollar store but he seems lost when he goes into those places where you need to wear a shirt and shoes.