Did you watch Dexter S08E05 “This Little Piggy”? Then let’s talk about what happened to America’s favorite serial killer in this week’s episode.

LOSER: Dexter’s post-drowning temperament

Shockingly, Dexter doesn’t take too kindly to Deb’s attempt at drowning him at the end of last week’s episode. Deb is all like “But I did save you” but that doesn’t really resonate when she’s the one who initiated the drowning in the first place.

It’s actually probably the angriest Dexter’s ever been on the show. Dexter storms out of a therapy session with Deb and Vogel — whom he also has problems with thanks to her copious notes on her interactions with Dexter.

WINNER: Family bonding

Quinn, the black girl up for sergeant whose name escapes me (UPDATE: Detective Miller, there it is), and Dexter go to the house of some wealthy guy named Hamilton who they think might have killed a maid he was having an affair with to collect his DNA. The guy fesses up to having an affair before his highly bro-ish son, Zach, comes in curious as to what’s going on. Hamilton shoos his son away with the loving care of a stereotypical rich guy character on a TV show.

As Dexter packs his DNA kit into the van, the younger Hamilton bro tells Dexter that his dad is an asshole but not a killer.

Turns out that the son was at the scene of the girl’s murder but the Latino juice guy who witnessed it recants his statement, presumably because he got bought out. Quinn wants to bring the kid in for interrogation but Captain Matthews puts the kibosh on it since the Hamilton family are friends of the police force. A world where Quinn is the least corrupt cop. How far we’ve come since he was stealing evidence to help out his Russian stripper girlfriend last year.

LOSER: Masuka’s daughter

Masuka’s newfound daughter Nikki has already worn out her welcome, seemingly just because she allowed Masuka to pay for food and coffee from a truck. Masuka thinks she might be using him for money so he hires Deb to run some background check on her through her private investigation gig.

Odd how the guy who’s a serial killer has the best parental relationship of anyone else on the show.

WINNER: Jamie Batista’s pimp hand

Jamie, Dexter’s babysitter, sets up a dinner with her, Quinn, Dexter, and sexy neighborlady Cassie. Dexter hasn’t dated anyone since Hannah went to jail so Jamie won’t accept Dexter’s attempt to flake on the dinner.

Dexter convinces Cassie to go along with his excuse to get out of there so he can go tend to his problems with Vogel being held by Albert Yates. She’s very understanding and even reschedules their date. Dexter definitely owes her a compensatory dinner and probable dicking despite their overwhelming lack of chemistry.

WINNER: Albert Yates’ rose bushes

Vogel-inspired serial killer Albert Yates is fingered by the girl who got away from his murder house and Miami Metro investigates his house. They find that Yaes planted a beautiful rose bush wherever he buried the bodies. Classy.

Meanwhile, Yates has Vogel held hostage for interfering in his business and sets out to break her toes, as he does to all of his victims. But Vogel acts like his mom and slaps him in the face a couple times, messing with his crazy psychopath head just enough to avoid the ritualistic toe breaking. Straight Jedi mind tricks here from Vogel.

Vogel uses Yates sneaking away to clean the blood off his face from her slaps to call Dexter. Dexter, teaming up with Deb to save Vogel, has Deb trace the number through her private investigator boss Elway.

Yates finds that Vogel hid the cell phone this all time and hides with her in the house but Dexter and Deb get there in time. They find Vogel in a room with Yates hidden under a bed and Dexter plunges a spear through the bed to end Yates’ delightful life.

Vogel and Deb are totally cool with it and actually go with Dexter on the boat to get rid of the body and the brain parts that Yates left behind. It’s a great success for serial killers everywhere I guess.

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Very eventful episode and it’s good to clear the deck of the Vogel stalker. The purpose was to bring Deb and Dexter back together and, while I’m not entirely sure I understand Deb’s complete 180 from last episode to this one, it at least makes for a more interesting and less repetitive journey through the second half of the season.

The possible murdering bro son seems like another bit of filler that’ll just help Dexter learn a lesson about what makes him different from other murderers again but let’s see how it goes.

Giving this one four and a half spears through a mattress out of five. An extremely well-paced episode that leaves us with an entirely blank slate going into our conclusion. Excited to see how the rest of the year turns out.

About Chris Spags...
"Internet Heartthrob" Chris Spags is a former comic and the founding editor of Guyism.com. In addition to overseeing all Guyism content and business development, he covers Humor for the site daily. He was recognized on the street once and it was awesome.