Husband not being supportive

Log story short, I accidentally got pregnant 7 months after our first LO (little one) was born and my husband was pissed, to say the least. He claims I tricked him as he had been having reservations about having another child. I definitely didn’t plan on this happening but always wanted a sibling for our son anyway, however unlike with the first this pregnancy has been wrought with anxiety and stress every minute of every day because of DH. There are some days where he claims he’s looking forward to our growing family but most days he expresses his anticipated frustration with how life will be with two under 18 months. I made my bed and will sleep in it (I could not have ended a perfectly healthy pregnancy and lived with myself, which is what he would have preferred) but there are days I feel so alone and unsupported. He’s not a bad man, we’re both older and he’s stressed about his new high pressure job and our one son already is a handful, but I wish I could help him see the positive side of having more than one child. Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Comments (16)

Unless you got pregnant by another man, he has much to do with the new addition as you do.

It’s understandable that he’s stressed about the logistics, but he needs to get a grip!

I don’t have any suggestions on how to help him adjust because it’s something he has to do on his own. But, if you or your sons are in danger due to hostility, please find somewhere else to be and stay safe.

Takes two to make a baby it was as much as an accident from your part as it was from his. He should have worn a condom. The baby is here is done is time to move forward and prepare for the future. Yes it might be hard but it can be done. I just think he should get over himself and stop blaming you for getting pregnant. I hope it all goes well with you and your family

Unless you lose about birth control in confused as to why hes blaming you.

To answer your questions one of the benefits of having two children so close is that your son will have a play mate, they will keep each othercompany, and your lo will have hand me downs so you won't have to spend as much as you did on the first child.

I'm sorry he's made you feel that way. I have several back to back babies and the first two we were really stressed and panicky because we just didn't know how it would be having 2 that close together. There's a good possibility that when he holds little one that his feelings change and once he sees that while it's a busy life it's really not any harder than having the 1 and he will be able to relax some. Allow yourself to be excited and look forward to this. Once baby is here I'm sure you will see a difference in his reaction and thought process on the whole thing. Good luck momma, hang in there.

It makes me so mad when I hear about men pulling this kind of shitshow because IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO, BUDDY.

There is pretty much ALWAYS the possibility of pregnancy if you’re having sex.

He needs to man up, own up, support you, and embrace this. Not just because that’s the right thing to do, but because he’s going to feel like awful (and I mean, rightly so) when this baby comes and he has to live with the fact that he behaved like a douchekebab about it the whole time you were pregnant and needed him the most! He needs to look at the bigger picture here: having kids close in age can be hard at first, but they will probably be BEST friends and it’ll be such a blessing for your oldest in the long run!!

When my ODD turned 1 we found out we were pregnant again. We were crazy broke and I was already depressed with life at that point. I wanted to end the pregnancy but my husband didn’t. We fought constantly about whether or not to end that perfectly healthy pregnancy. He won, only because it wasn’t financially possible at the time. The entire 9 months I was depressed and bitter towards him for having to carry a baby I didn’t want.

As soon as she was born though, I cried my eyes out because of how awful I had been the entire pregnancy. I immediately couldn’t imagine life without her and 2 years later, she’s secretly my favorite just because of what we went through for her to be here.

I hope things change for the better in your situation as well! I figure, if a mother carrying a child can be stressed to the point of not wanting/bonding with her unborn child, a father can too. You just have to push through and hope for the best. Feelings and bonds can’t be forced.

Your husband should get a vasectomy if he doesn’t want anymore kids that way he can’t blame you for unwanted pregnancies. Marriage is a compromise and obviously there is a risk of getting pregnant he shouldnt be blaming you for anything you couldn’t have done it on your own. If he is stressed out about finances and his job that’s normal but he doesnt need to take it out on you.

No advise but I do have a personal story on the matter.
When my ODD turned 1...

Posted
12/02/2018

No advise but I do have a personal story on the matter.

When my ODD turned 1 we found out we were pregnant again. We were crazy broke and I was already depressed with life at that point. I wanted to end the pregnancy but my husband didn’t. We fought constantly about whether or not to end that perfectly healthy pregnancy. He won, only because it wasn’t financially possible at the time. The entire 9 months I was depressed and bitter towards him for having to carry a baby I didn’t want.

As soon as she was born though, I cried my eyes out because of how awful I had been the entire pregnancy. I immediately couldn’t imagine life without her and 2 years later, she’s secretly my favorite just because of what we went through for her to be here.

I hope things change for the better in your situation as well! I figure, if a mother carrying a child can be stressed to the point of not wanting/bonding with her unborn child, a father can too. You just have to push through and hope for the best. Feelings and bonds can’t be forced.

Stressing is understandable. Him blaming you is not, and it makes me livid when men don't take responsibility for their part in procreation. They're perfectly capable of providing their own methods of birth control and should if they're so adamant about not wanting a child. It's like they forget it's them adding the baby gravy that makes the magic happen.

Sorry, no advice, really. Babies are definitely stressful, but they won't be so little forever, and things will get easier. I hope he comes around when baby comes.

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