In the Mediterranean, Africans cram themselves aboard rickety boats in hopes of a better life in Europe. Hundreds have drowned. In the Andaman Sea and Malacca Strait, Bangladeshis and Rohingya Muslims from Myanmar seek asylum in Malaysia and Indonesia in similarly desperate situations. Only last week did those countries finally agree to do more than feed and water them and send them on their way.

Here in Canada, we see a different side of the global refugee crisis: four-and-a-half years after clearly deranged actor Randy Quaid applied for asylum in Vancouver, claiming he was being pursued by a gang of “Hollywood star-whackers” — star-whackers with very low standards, evidently — and two-and-a-half years after his claim was rejected, he is still here.

The Conservative government is routinely pilloried for its treatment of refugees. And sometimes it has practically begged for it: cutting health-care benefits for asylum-seekers was pointless and mean-spirited, for example. But in broad strokes, the Tories have done a pretty reasonable job — one any new government would likely be loath to undo.

It is a messy and frustrating file — particularly, as the Quaid case demonstrates, because Canada remains remarkably welcoming to refugee claimants. All claimants. In 2014 Canada agreed to hear 1,285 asylum claims from citizens of Western European countries — nine per cent of the total. It granted 598 citizens of those countries asylum — six per cent of the total. These are people to whom most other Western countries would simply say, “get lost.”

Instead, controversially, Ottawa decided to shunt claimants from developed countries into an expedited system. Doom was widely foretold: we were assured that Hungarian Roma, for example, would be completely out of luck. Indeed it is routinely reported, as one Toronto Star columnist put it, that the Tories “barr(ed) refugee claimants from ‘safe third countries’.”

Quite the contrary: of the claims from Hungarians accepted or rejected in 2014 under the new expedited system, 62 per cent were accepted; of those finalized under the old system, 47 per cent were accepted. The same held true for citizens of Slovakia, the Czech Republic and Mexico: the new expedited system approved a higher percentage of claimants than the old one. In 2014 Canada accepted 126 claims from Slovakians, 100 from Hungarians, 21 from Mexicans and 11 from Czechs. Some slammed door.

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Moreover, this and other reforms to the system appear to be achieving their primary goal, which is speed. The average time for the Immigration and Refugee Board to process a claim is now four months, according to a spokesperson.

That’s a huge improvement — these cases have dragged on for years — and should lead to a sort of positive feedback loop: the quicker the process, the less the incentive for dubious or hopeless claimants to roll the dice and clog the system. It should also be good news for diplomats: the only reason Mexicans, Czechs and Hungarians (among others) have at times in recent years required tourist visas is because huge numbers of their compatriots were claiming asylum in Canada. This was both a major irritant in bilateral relations — last year Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto cancelled a visit to Ottawa — and an incoherent response: we accept refugees from those countries; why would we make it impossible for them to come?

In future Canada will likely be more open to such claimants, not less, thanks to the Conservatives’ reforms. And that should free up resources to devote to the world’s most truly imperilled people, most of whom haven’t a prayer of getting themselves to Canada — people even more desperate than the Africans, Bangladeshis and Rohingya Muslims currently risking their lives at sea. The persecuted of the world deserve Canada’s help. As for Cousin Eddie from National Lampoon, we hope he gets the help he clearly needs — at home.

Hollywood actor Randy Quaid has ‎been ordered to be released from detention following a hearing before the Immigration and Refugee Board in Montreal.

The actor, who appeared in films like Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure and Brokeback Mountain, has been having problems with immigration officials in Canada for several months and disappeared recently after failing to follow conditions set out following a previous hearing in another province in 2013.

He was arrested on Thursday in Montreal following an investigation by Canada Border Services Agency and the Montreal police.

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He had been detained since then and had a detention review hearing. He was ordered released if he can post a $10,000 bond and after having agreed to follow a series ‎of conditions, including that he report to the CBSA’s office in Montreal shortly after he is let go.

In 2010, he applied for Canadian asylum in British Columbia, generating worldwide media attention by saying he was trying to escape a cabal of celebrity killers – or “star whackers”.

Randy and Evi Quaid’s Canadian address is safe following a Friday announcement that U.S. authorities are calling off a cross-border hunt for the celebrity couple.

The Quaids were wanted in California for walking out on a $10,000 hotel bill and then breaking into a home they had sold three years previously. In June, the Santa Barbara District Attorney applied to have the couple extradited. On Friday, the United States Department of Justice turned them down saying that extraditing the Quaids would be too “resource intensive.”

The couple arrived in Vancouver last October seeking refugee status, claiming they were being hunted by a secret cabal of Hollywood “Star Whackers.” By stripping prominent actors of their fortunes and reputation, the Star Whackers aimed to dismantle the Hollywood star system in order to fill movie casts with low-cost unknowns, said Mr. Quaid. “I guess George Clooney’s the last real movie star,” he said in April.

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The Quaids have settled well into B.C life over the nine months since their flight over the border. In February, the Vancouver Film Critics Circle handed Mr. Quaid a belated award for his role in the 2008 Canadian indie film Real Time. In April, the couple screened “Star Whackers” at an independent Vancouver cinema. Although crowds arrived expecting a documentary, they were instead treated to a bizarre 80-minute art film starring a nude Mr. Quaid. The pair have even posed for a Vanity Fair photo spread in a high-end Vancouver Island resort.

Earlier this year, Ms. Quaid discovered she could claim full citizenship through her father, who was born in Canada. She is now in the process of sponsoring Mr. Quaid.

The district attorney’s office in Santa Barbara, Calif., confirmed Wednesday that it has submitted a request to the U.S. Department of Justice to consider extradition proceedings against former Hollywood actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi.

“Any decision regarding whether or not to even accept our request to consider an extradition proceeding against the Quaids lies with the USDOJ,” said Senior Deputy District Attorney Lee Carter in an email. “I am waiting for USDOJ to respond to my request/inquiry.”

The Quaids are wanted in California on charges of felony vandalism and misdemeanor trespass. They are accused of causing more than US$5,000 damage at a home they once owned.

Shortly after arriving in Vancouver last October, the pair sought status as refugees, claiming that they were being hunted down by celebrity killers or “star whackers.”

Earlier this year, Evi Quaid obtained full Canadian citizenship through her father and announced that she had begun the process of sponsoring her husband.

The Oscar-nominated Quaid is best known for his role as Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon’s Vacation movies, but he has also appeared in Brokeback Mountain, Kingpin and Independence Day.

In recent months, Randy Quaid has made public appearances performing in a band. In April, the couple also debuted their docu-drama called Star Whackers.

Their lawyer, Catherine Sas, did not immediately respond to an email requesting comment.

Ever since American actor Randy Quaid and his wife Evi arrived in Vancouver last October seeking asylum from a secret illuminati of Hollywood “Star Whackers,” they’ve been called everything from fraudulent to “quazy.”

On Friday night at the Rio, an independent cinema in East Vancouver, the couple looked to clear the air by screening “Star Whackers,” a bizarre, 80-minute-long experimental film directed by Ms. Quaid and starring Mr. Quaid. “There’s a lot of nudity,” said Ms. Quaid in her introduction.

The films opened on Mr. Quaid standing nude in a windy field with a long fur coat draped loosely around his shoulders. For 10 minutes, he repeats four lines of Shakespeares’s Julius Caesar while wandering around the field with a clump of purple hair – at one point bending over to clench the hair between his buttocks.

Mr. Quaid also appeared as a man with a deer skull adorning his head and as a black-suited assassin armed with a submachine gun. Judging from one scene in which Mr. Quaid uses the weapon to riddle a glossy photograph of himself with holes, it appears that the Quaids used a live submachine gun for the film.

In between random Shakespeare quotes, Mr. Quaid’s three characters graze on grass, play violin alongside a cattle drive and attempt to negotiate with donkeys. At the film’s end, Mr. Quaid repeats excerpts from Hamlet’s soliloquy for about ten minutes before dying.

Star Whackers is “a hyper-surreal aspect of what it is to be pursued to your own death,” explained Ms. Quaid later.

The Quaids have been in Canada since last October, when they applied for refugee status alleging that they were being targeted by a conspiracy of Hollywood “Star Whackers” looking to “racqueteer” Mr. Quaid out of his fortune. “If we don’t do something about it … my wife and I, we’ll be out on the street and we’ll have nothing to eat,” said Mr. Quaid in a November interview with CBS.

There is a concerted effort to “stamp out” Hollywood stars, said Mr. Quaid on Friday night. The idea being that if producers can fill their movies with unknowns, they can avoid paying multi-million contracts to well-known actors. “I guess George Clooney’s the last real movie star,” said Mr. Quaid. “It’s really not that there’s some conspiracy in Hollywood … it’s just that people want to make money,” added Ms. Quaid.

Although the Quaids insist they are not in mortal danger, they believe the “Star Whackers” could be behind the death of Heath Ledger, the Brokeback Mountain star who died of an accidental drug overdose in January, 2008.

Santa Barbara District Attorney Anthony Davis maintain that the couple are simply evading charges related to breaking into a guest house and temporarily walking out on a hotel bill.

Ms. Quaid has been allowed to stay in Canada permanently because her father was born here. Mr. Quaid’s situation has yet to be resolved.

While the couple have seemed tired and anxious in recent interviews, they were in high spirits when they arrived at the Rio on Friday night. Mr. Quaid signed autographs and posed with fans, many of whom were chanting his name. “Canada’s been good to us,” he said.

Generally, the audience seemed receptive to Star Whackers. There was plenty of laughter, few walkouts and by evening’s end the crowd had become pleasantly rowdy – although smuggled-in whiskey and the Rio’s selection of $5 beers may have had something to do with it.

Audience members were also treated to three songs performed by Mr. Quaid and The Fugitives, his Vancouver backing band. The first song, Mr. D.A. Man,” shot barbs at District Attorney Anthony Davis. “You get your kicks arresting the well-known, with trumped up charges that are overblown,” sang Mr. Quaid.

Star Whackers had been billed as an “Avant Garde Cash Cow Docu Drama,” and a cryptic tagline at the base of the movie’s promotional poster promised “all your questions will be answered…”

After the show, a microphone was set up to allow audience members to pose questions to the couple. A tall bald man employed by the theatre hovered over the microphone, threatening to quench any “uncool” questions. “So was that movie, like, a metaphor?” said one attendee. “I hope you guys had fun, I think a lot of us were bored,” said another.

One woman expressed confusion about how the film had anything to do with its title. “I purchased a $25 ticket believing that I would be seeing a documentary,” said one woman. “Are stars actually being whacked? I would truly like to know.” She was met with a chorus of boos from the audience. “That’s an uncool question,” said the bald man.

Months after publicly claiming he was being stalked by shadowy Hollywood celebrity killers — or “star whackers” — actor Randy Quaid on Wednesday received a Vancouver Film Critics Circle acting award for playing, of all things, a hit man.

The actor and his lawyers also took the occasion to tell reporters that his odds of staying in the country are looking brighter. Last week, the Canada Border Services Agency withdrew its bid to have Quaid deemed inadmissible. And Quaid’s wife, Evi, now has full Canadian citizenship and has begun the process of sponsoring her husband, meaning Quaid’s claim for refugee status could be dropped.

“When Evi and I came to Canada last October we can never have envisioned how things would unfold and how our lives would change,” Quaid said. “Today we’re here to say, ‘Thank you, Canada. Thank you for your warm welcome. Thank you for giving us the opportunity to live in peace.’ ”

Quaid, sporting a grey suit and red tie, seemed to bask in the spotlight outside his lawyers’ offices in downtown Vancouver as he accepted a belated award for his performance in the 2008 Canadian film Real Time.

In the comedic drama, Quaid plays a hit man hired to kill a compulsive gambler played by Canadian actor Jay Baruchel. Local media personality Terry David Mulligan presented the award on behalf of the Vancouver Film Critics Circle.

“Randy’s a really good actor, making really good films and we’re really pleased to have him here,” Mulligan said.

Mulligan invited Quaid to attend next year’s award presentation and be the presenter for film of the year, “if you’re around and available.”

Quaid expressed his gratitude to the film’s producer, his co-stars and the crew “for all their hard work,” while his wife stood beaming near him, her newly issued citizenship card clipped to her jacket.

The Quaids made headlines back in October when they were arrested in Vancouver on outstanding warrants in the United States. The couple had failed to appear in a California courtroom to answer to felony vandalism and misdemeanour trespass charges — they were accused of causing more than US$5,000 damage at a home they once owned. They have now missed several court dates.

The couple has repeatedly asserted in interviews that they are being targeted by a cabal of Hollywood lawyers and business managers who are conspiring to have them killed and steal their money.

The Oscar-nominated Quaid is best known for his role as Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon Vacation movies. He has also appeared in Brokeback Mountain, Kingpin and Independence Day.

Randy Quaid’s road to receiving his belated Vancouver Film Critic’s Circle Award may come to an end Wednesday. Circle member Terry David Mulligan is slated to present Quaid with his award at an 11 a.m. PT press conference.

Quaid won best supporting actor in a Canadian film in 2009 for Real Time, a Hamilton-shot feature starring Jay Baruchel as the target and Quaid as the hitman assigned to take him out.

Quaid was not present at The Railway Club to get the award at the time.

However, after being arrested in Vancouver last fall, Quaid allegedly explained he was on his way to pick up his prize – albeit a year late. Quaid and his wife Evi were wanted in the United States to face felony burglary charges for allegedly vandalizing a former home.

The Quaids then sought refugee status in Canada, claiming they feared for their lives.