There’s a spider missing from an experiment on the International Space Station (ISS). NASA doesn’t know what happened. The obvious answer – cannibalism – can be ruled out because spiders don’t eat prey but suck out their juices and leave the victim’s husk behind. There’s no evidence of that happening.

There’s something else missing from the ISS: a bag of tools, explained in this report:

Astronaut Heidemarie Stefanyshyn-Piper claims that a container of lubricant had leaked in the bag and she lost it while trying to clean up, but is that a cover up? Maybe a spider in her purse scared her and she flung the bag toward the sun in panic.

I hope that’s what happened, because the only rational alternative is that there’s a mutated space spider out there that can escape enclosures (at best) or teleport (at worst), with a bag of sophisticated tools and an entire planet at its mercy.

A report that one astronaut could be heard yelling, “I’ve had it with these motherfucking spiders on this motherfucking space station!” has been neither confirmed nor denied.