Someday Find Me by Nicci Cloke

Sometimes when I finish a book I pop right on over to Goodreads to see what others thought. Not always of course, but usually when I’m feeling 2.5 stars about a book – did another reader see something in it that I missed? Was another reader irritated by elements of the story? Most often, reading other reviews tips me to a firm two stars or three stars. Such was the case with Nicci Cloke’s Someday Find Me.

It’s billed as a ‘shocking and thought-provoking love story’- that’s probably stretching it a little. All you need to know is that it’s the story of Fitz, 25, and his girlfriend, Saffy. Saffy has an eating disorder and after years of being ‘okay’, is slipping.

“Hunger is a cavity, carefully hollowed out, but emptiness is a void, borderless and infinite.”

As Fitz and Saffy’s story plays out, so too does the one of Fate Jones – a student who has disappeared (and the whole of Britain is looking for her).

“People were pulling Fate Jones to them, but not for her sake, for their own… By saying ‘Fate Jones is missing’, they were secretly shouting ‘I’m still here!'”

So why was I feeling ‘2.5’ about this book? I understood why Cloke included the sub-plot about Fate Jones but it felt overplayed. The characters of Saffy and Fitz were strong enough to stand alone and an initial reference to Fate may have been enough. Instead, Fate’s story is revisited (but not really progressed) multiple times, it’s purpose to illustrate the fact that you are not truly ‘lost’ if people care enough to look for you.

What I did like was Cloke’s first person account of addiction, and two very different perspectives on addiction, at that. Saffy has an eating disorder, and drinks and takes drugs to escape life. Fitz, while not dependent on alcohol and drugs (but partakes), is a gambling addict. Neither Saffy or Fitz ever really acknowledge that they have a problem. Cloke’s writing see-saws between jittery and blasé – it’s not remarkable but it’s good, solid stuff.

“I looked at the scores rolling in on the vidiprinter at the bottom of the screen, and it was just the atmosphere of that place, it did something to me. Just knowing one day it would be you with the ticket clutched in your hand, jumping up and down like a prat, and even if it wasn’t there’s still the nice sadness of losing.”

2.5/5 It gets three stars on Goodreads.

Fitz buys Saffy her favourite thing – pink apples. There’s a bunch of recipes using Pink Lady apples here but as many of them include meat (and we all know that meat and hot fruit is the work of the devil), head straight for this apple, pineapple and lemon juice.