~ The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom… on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

I have a confession to make: I have been hibernating. I’ve had so much going on in my life that I think I needed to unplug for a while so that I could process everything. Any outside stimulation was just too much. So for the past few weeks I have been turned inward, which has included somewhat of an online hiatus. As for my blog, I often have thoughts of “that would make a great story”; or “I should share that one on my blog” – but even that has been dialed down.

These days, as my busy life continues to provide a mix of love and joy – and challenge and stress – I often turn inwards. I journal a lot. I talk less. I hug my kids close to my heart – multiple times a day. I breathe. I use Dean as my sounding board, sharing both my dreams – and insecurities and fears.

In the past, if I felt like I had too much going on to handle, I’d find myself disconnecting completely. I’d shut down – which included shutting down from the people around me. I’d ‘numb out’ with food, a glass of wine, or retail therapy. These days, while I may still occasionally reach for a piece of chocolate or a glass of wine, the intentions underlying my actions are entirely different. I am reaching for relaxation, acknowledging my hard work, or rewarding myself because I know that I deserve it. I’ve learned to turn things around so that my actions are ones of nurturing myself, rather than those of running away from whatever I was feeling inside.

Maybe this seems like semantics, or like I’m justifying . The truth is, how I feel inside is entirely different. These same actions – when taken from a place of self worth – leave me feeling uplifted and like I am taking steps (even if they are baby ones) in the right direction. And the absolute most important part of this learning is that I no longer disconnect from the people around me. In fact, I’ve learned that I am far more effective when I do the opposite: I make connecting with the people around me my absolute highest priority.

I make sure that I am 100% present to every person who is in front of me. Some days, this is the sole focus I have for the day. Because while I may need to unplug somewhat from the outside world – that certainly does not mean that I need to unplug from the people in my life. As a matter of fact, the one thing I am most clear on is that the people in my life – my family, my practice, my friends – are what matter the most. And the best way I can be of service to them is to connect, listen, be real, and be fully present to them.

The irony is that when you are fully present to another human being, your own troubles are forgotten. I can’t listen intently to Ethan or Audra as they tell me about their days if I am running through to-do lists in my head. I can’t fully empathize with a person in my practice if I am thinking about myself or my personal life. Perhaps the greatest irony here is that when I let go of my own concerns to be fully present to another human being, once that interaction has come to an end, I find myself in a more purposeful and resourceful state to then effectively deal with my own ‘stuff’. Talk about a win-win situation.

In my practice, I draw strength from the beautiful families who come to see me. I am honoured to hold their children in my hands. I am humbled by the dedication so many have shown to their own health, and for the role they have allowed me to play in their lives. I am honoured every time they refer friends or family in to see me. It is so cliche – but so true: It is indeed the greatest compliment I can be shown.

In my home life, the greatest part of every day is the joy I have in starting and ending each day with heart-felt hugs and special moments of being fully present to my children and husband. For the wisdom to see that without these moments of being fully engaged, I could be at jeopardy of letting my life pass me by. I could miss those special moments when my kids confide in me, make me laugh, or give hugs so full of love that it brings tears to my eyes. In my home, I am so grateful to have a place where I can love and be loved, be strong or need support, feel free to laugh or to cry, and to know that limitless hugs are available both for giving and receiving.

I am so grateful for the love in my life. For my amazing, beautiful, healthy children. For my loving husband. For friends and family. For the wonderful people in my practice. For my staff and support network.

For hugs. For little moments of laughter. And for the certainty I have when I am fully present to my life and those in it that all that matters is good.

Like this:

I fell asleep thinking about rope climbs. For those of you who aren’t working out at Crossfit, it’s exactly what it sounds like: climbing ropes, in this case, up to a 15 foot ceiling. I was thinking about it because I had checked the website at Crossfit Bradford to see what the WOD (workout of the day) would be today. I’m both excited and apprehensive about today’s workout. I guess I am wondering if I am up to the challenge.

In actual fact, I love rope climbs. One or two of them. I remember the first time we did it – and the laughing comment from a waiting onlooker as myself and another friend climbed successfully on the first try. “If a bunch of moms could do it, she could, too”. It was said in jest, and yet now, months later, I can still feel my reaction: “IF a mom can do it?!” We can do it BECAUSE we are moms. Moms who play hard, work hard, and give our children a role model to look up to… literally.

Of course I’m strong because I’m a mom. I have experienced childbirth (at home, in our case), sleepless nights (or years, to be more accurate), the mental and physical exhaustion of being responsible for young children – and all-the-while working to be a great role model, wife, chiropractor, business owner, friend, daughter and neighbour. I regularly play hard – it’s part of the job description. Like yesterday, carrying sleds while running up a hill with a friend’s 4-year-old son on my back. Or offering piggy-back rides to both of my kids – even though they are 50 and 80 pounds. I consider it an accomplishment to I know I am up to the challenge. Or kicking a soccer ball around, playing tag, or grounders at the park, downhill skiing, skating… the reality is that if you want active kids, you have to be an active parent. If that is one of your goals as a mom… well, of course you’ll be strong.

So today, for the rope climbs – I’ll give it a go. Seven climbs in a row, combined within a whole workout may be more than I can handle. But my inspiration can come from my kids today: just like when I completed the 20 feet of monkey bars in Tough Mudder – I’ll picture my daughter, who climbs like a monkey. And I’ll think to myself: If she can do it, I can too. Why not? After all, she is the picture of awesomeness. I just hope it’s (at least in part) because of watching her awesome mama. In the very least, I can follow my own advice to them: Give it my best. What more can I expect than that?

Like this:

Once upon a time, our little family of four did everything together (with the exception of when we went to work) Now, with time fast-forwarded only a few short years, increasingly often I find that we have moments of unplanned quiet in our house as our kids play with friends, or attend to their own growing social calendars.

A part of me loves the moments to myself, the freedom to be productive, or to relax. (until recently, neither of those two states were even a part of my parental vocabulary) Admittedly, giving up my freedom was the most challenging part of entering into motherhood for me, and now that I am getting a taste of it again, it is both tantalizing and scary.

It is scary because the other part of me cries out for time to slow down.

When I find myself guilty of fearing the passage of time, I feel like a toddler who is afraid to nap because of what might be missed. I feel a sense of panic, like I need to reach out and grab it, slow it down, internally yelling STOP, please!

Yesterday was one of those pivotal points in time. It was a wonderful day, but one that stretched my heartstrings to a new limit.

Our family went in three different directions, geographically and socially. Audra spent the day at a hallowe’en party followed by a sleepover with friends, while Dean and I had our own fun dressing up for a hallowe’en party, and spending the night away with friends.

However, it was Ethan was who pulled my heartstrings on this party-filled weekend. He spent the day in London, Ontario with friends (2.5 hours away! which was a very strange feeling, as up until yesterday, we’ve only been geographically far from our kids if they’ve been with family.) In this case, he was invited with his best friend’s family to go spend the day at the London biking velodrome. Being a non-biker myself, it took watching a video on it to truly glimpse what an awesome and unique experience this was. (There are only 3 velodromes in North America, and as I learned, the course banks up to 50 degrees and you are clipped into bikes without brakes… !!)

And so, knowing he would love it, and trusting the very capable family he was traveling with, my emotions were those of being stretched to let go just little more, mixed with excitement for this opportunity for him to do something altogether new. The selfish part of me cried: “I want to be there for all of those “first steps!”- but the realist in me was forced to acknowledge (yet again) that that wish is simply not realistic. My heart pangs for knowing that my baby boy was: a)far away, b) doing something new, c) doing something steeped in potential for injury, and most of all: doing it all without me there to witness it.

Today in particular, I am so proud of Ethan and the person he is becoming. I am so proud of how he takes on these new challenges – and of the unconscious current of courage and determination he has to so confidently step away and welcome new experiences.

And on my part, even though it challenges me, I am also proud of myself – because I think that by letting go bit by bit – especially when it’s hard – I am giving my children a clear message to embrace life, push past your fears, and just GO FOR IT.

The fact that I may hold my breath on the sidelines is a secret I will keep from them for just a little longer, although I am certain other moms (and dads) know EXACTLY what I mean.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom.... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.

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The lofty side of this is that I am a mom on a mission. I am striving to create a better world by being the best, most inner-directed mother I know how to be. The other side of this is that I became a mom... on purpose. Meaning, I chose this. But man, it can be hard.