Don't be afraid to sit in the front row at your life.

I’m just really not sure…

Ambiguity- Noun
1.Uncertainty or inexactness of meaning in language.
2.A lack of decisiveness or commitment resulting from a failure to make a choice between alternatives.

It is amazing how a nine letter word can cause so much anxiety and create great hesitance in one’s life. The “gray” is constantly taking hold of me these days whenever I’m presented with a new opportunity.

I turned down three awesome opportunities this week because I’m taking on a new job in May and I’m just unsure about what my day-to-day will look like in this role. Part of me is excited about that and the opportunity to sculpt a new work lifestyle for myself but the other part of me just wants to know my schedule so I can plug in the rest of my existence.

During my first post-graduate job search, I was asked on a phone interview, “How do you deal with ambiguity?” and I thought, “what an odd question” not fully knowing the ins and outs of working in Greek Life. I stumbled through the question and for some reason that moment has never left my mind. I always tell people that are job searching to be able to answer that question because it totally caught me off guard.

If I was asked that question now I might say the following: “While I don’t enjoy ambiguity, I am learning to trust the process and know that all I can do is make the best decisions with what I have at my disposal. All I can do is control my sphere of influence and I must let go of everything else. I go with my gut, trust my education and experience,seek advice as needed, and have confidence in the fact that at the end of the day I did the best I could. There is something exciting about ambiguity as you never know what might happen and that same aspect can also be quite frigtening. If you think about it, life is ambiguous. We figure it out as we go and if we make mistakes we do our best to fix them along the way. If we can’t fix it then we apologize and promise to do better the next time. There are always multiple versions of the truth and I just have to go with the one that seems the most accurate within my current context. Uncertainly is just that, uncertain and we can’t do much to change that. It is what it is.”

So, I don’t know what my life is going to look like past May 15th. I don’t even know where my office is going to be located. All I know is that change is coming and I better buckle up and get ready for the ride. We’ll see what happens and what doesn’t happen. I’m making space so that I can be a flexible passenger in this car. Either way, I’m sure I’ll be fine with Him all around me.