A Message for All Jews

What can we possibly take from this barbaric tragedy?

I cried all day thinking about the 8 year old boy from Boro Park who was murdered. I spent the morning in tears before I knew that he was kidnapped by a Jew and before I knew that his body was dismembered. After I found out that the murderer was a religious looking Jew, I felt saddened on an even deeper level. What kind of a world do we live in? What is God telling us? It is loud, but it does not feel clear.

Thank you for your words of comfort and wisdom.

Sincerely,

Loren M.

Dear Loren,

I fully share your feelings and your tears. I joined you and, I’m sure, many thousands of others, spending these dark days in weeping; and I share in your feelings of loss, devastation and confusion. Crying for the suffering and loss of such a pure, innocent soul; for the pain of his family, teachers and friends. Mourning the loss and pain of Klal Yisrael for such a senseless, barbaric tragedy to have transpired to one of our extended family; multiplied many times over by having it perpetrated by (albeit by one severely deranged) “one of us.”

Sadly, one of our greatest spiritual gifts – that of prophecy – is something we are lacking throughout our long, bitter exile. We can therefore never know with absolute clarity why this, or any other tragedy, has befallen us. All I can share with you are my personal thoughts and feelings, and what my heart of hearts tells me we should be hearing and learning from this indescribable event.

What immediately came to mind was the tragedy of the concubine of Givah, detailed in the final chapters of the Book of Judges. A woman was dismembered and her body parts sent to all the tribes of Israel to notify them of a horrific act perpetrated to her by members of the tribe of Benjamin. This brought about a civil war with many tens of thousands of losses and the nearly complete annihilation of the tribe of Benjamin.

Scores of Jews around the globe prayed for the safe return of Leiby, only to have his brutally dismembered body “sent to all of us.”

This story, one of the saddest in all Jewish history, hit home for me with the terrible news of Leiby Kletzky, of blessed memory. Scores of Jews around the globe prayed for the safe return of Leiby, only to have his brutally dismembered body “sent to all of us” to let us, the tribes of Israel, know of a horrific act being perpetrated by … all of us.

My friends; the message that struck deeply in my heart was that we often are inadvertently, through our words and actions, guilty of "murdering" and cutting down our fellow Jews. I am often dumbstruck when I sit across my desk from a man or woman crying how they are being verbally and emotionally destroyed by their spouse. At times it is a child from a parent or vice-versa, one co-worker to another, or one Jew in the community to another. Many of these individual’s lives have been paralyzed or ruined, and we need to work on putting the pieces back together, often due to a mere word. How powerful are the words of our Sages that “life and death are in the hands of the tongue.”

How ominous is this message just days before the fast of the 17th of Tammuz, historically a day of calamity which set the stage for the impending destruction of Jerusalem.

The powerful message of the Chofetz Chaim, that the destruction and impending exile was brought about through just such acts of lashon hara (derogatory speech) and hurting fellow Jews, rings loud and clear today. Our Sages tell us that any generation that the Temple was not rebuilt in must be guilty of the same sins that caused it to be destroyed.

It’s not for naught that the recent senseless brutality was perpetrated by one who externally appeared to be an observant Jew; it’s a message to all Jews, letting us know exactly what we look like when we senselessly carry out similar acts - with our tongues.

I humbly propose that we hear this message, the message of little Leiby Kletzky. In his merit we all, together as a group, around the world, begin to study the works of the Chofetz Chaim daily; either at a family meal, at bedtime, or some other established time in every Jewish home. These works are available in many languages and formats, for adults and children alike. One can visit the home page of the Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation to see the many choices of wonderful books, tapes and videos to study alone or with the family. Friends can get together once a week to study one of these works and talk about who might need help or friendship in the community.

We avenge the death of precious little Leiby by replacing darkness with light.

We can all brighten the world by seeking out individuals in need of a shoulder to lean on, a smile, a kind word, or a bit of inspiration in their lives. That individual might be sitting across you at your breakfast table.

By resolving to hear and act upon this message, you have the power within yourselves to create a revolution; one of loving kindness, and true caring about our fellow Jews.

In this way may we avenge the death of precious little Leiby, by replacing darkness with light. In his merit, and the merit of easing the pain and increasing the love of our fellow Jews, may we all merit to see the coming of Mashiach speedily in our days.

The opinions expressed in the comment section are the personal views of the commenters. Comments are moderated, so please keep it civil.

Visitor Comments: 64

(45)
Steve Skeete,
August 8, 2011 6:27 PM

I, too, read of the death of Leiby Kletzky with sadness. It was a tragedy of great proportions.
However the story that the media unfolds to me is not one of Jews being unkind or cruel towards each other, and I can't see why some have sought to cast it in this light.
Levi Aron is certainly not representative of all Jews. The record may very well reveal that he is indeed mentally ill, and while this will not minimize the horror of his deed, it may, at least, help us to come to terms with his monstrous act.
It is indeed a tragic irony that a young boy seeking help turns to someone he believes he can trust only to find a demented individual.
We must now all act to ensure that this tragedy is not repeated, and that young precious lives are not so needlessly lost.

(44)
Bob Rabinoff,
July 24, 2011 10:07 PM

Torah sources for loshon hara

@Chaim Fachler -- if the two Torah verses you cite were completely clear, the Chofetz Chaim wouldn't have had to write Sefer Chofetz Chaim and Sefer Shemirat HaLashon. Nor would we need a Torah she Be'al Peh to teach us how to read, interpret and understand the written Torah. If there's a good reason for speaking out something negative, to protect others, does that fall under Lo Telech Rachil? What if you're not sure it's true? 75% sure? What if you can save a life? What if you can save someone's money? And on and on. If Moshe Rabbeinu hadn't had to break the first set of tablets then yes, it all would be there clear as day for us, and we wouldn't be in exile and we surely wouldn't be discussing the murder of an innocent child by a deranged butcher. But we still have a way to go for redemption obviously, and we must rely on the spiritual giants of our tradition to guide us, and not think that we can just look into a Sefer Torah or a Tanach and find all the answers.

(43)
HR,
July 23, 2011 10:02 PM

you jumped too far

This article started off good but the jump to loshen hara really misses the boat. Thanks for pointing out the connection between this tragic case and the shoftim story because what is the real issue is the reaction of our community of harboring and protecting suspected child endangerers. It is the loshen hara l'toelet, not saying that which must be said, that we are truly guilty of.

(42)
Anonymous,
July 21, 2011 10:00 PM

MENTAL ILLNESS HAS NO BOUNDARIES

MY HEART BREAKS FOR THE FAMILY, THE COMMUNITY AND OUR GREATER COMMUNITY. IT IS A HARD REMINDER TO DE-STIGMATIZE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES, PROVIDE SUPPORT AND SERVICES FOR THOSE IN NEED. MENTAL ILLNESS HAS NO BOUNDARIES.

(41)
Ronn Torossian is CEO of 5WPR, 1 of the 25 largest PR firms in the US.,
July 21, 2011 12:22 PM

Levi Aron Is Not a Religious Man

Confessed killer Levi Aron.
There are no words to describe the horror of the murder of Leiby Kletzky, the 9-year old who was killed in Brooklyn on Tuesday. As a father, and as a human being, it is simply sickening, tearful and just horrendous. As a Jew it is infuriating to hear how the murderer was identified.
Discussing this matter with others in the Jewish community, and hearing rabbis and media comment on the murderer Levi Aron, it angers me to hear Aron referred to as a “religious Jew.”
What Makes a Jew or any person religious? One cannot be a religious Jew when he lures, murderers and dismembers a nine-year-old child – any child. Aron is being charged with felony manslaughter and deserves the most painful form of punishment, any decent person must stand up and demand the same.
In this world, evil exists in many places and in many forms, including to the shock of many, in Borough Park. I have spent time in the insular, close-knit community of Borough Park and I wonder if anyone knew anything about Aron before this tragedy. I wonder if anyone would have said anything, and I suppose we may discover soon enough if in fact Aron brought the young boy to a wedding as he said he did, and no one raised any concerns.
For me, as a father, as a Jew, as a human being; at the age of 36, being religious means being a good person, not hurting anyone, being honest, being decent, and caring about my family and my community. Those who see horrors of young children being molested in schools and don’t say anything – are not religious, nor are those who pray three times a day and then steal. Levi Aron is not a religious man.
I pray for the day that being a religious Jew means being a good, honest, decent ethical person, and not simply someone who dons a certain garb or attends synagogue.

(40)
CHAIM FACHLER,
July 20, 2011 8:10 PM

Lashon Hora versus Protecting Others

What is less known - or mentioned - is that the Torah is very clear on this issue. The source of all laws of Lashon Hora is the Passuk in Vayikra 19:16 "Lo Telech Rachil Be'Amecha" [You shall not be a talebearer among your people] and the end of that very same passuk states "Lo Taamod Al Dam Re'echa" [you shall not stand idly by the blood of your neighbour].

(39)
steve,
July 20, 2011 1:34 PM

We as a nation

would cry for any child murdered in this way. A soul is a soul.

muman613,
July 22, 2011 12:21 AM

Certainly, but...

Yes we all cried and are still disturbed by the Casey Anthony debacle... But since this struck a visibly Jewish community it has more of an impact on the Jewish people. That a 'Jew' was responsible for the act makes it much more difficult to comprehend. Certainly Jews are concerned with all of humanity, but the Jewish community should always be foremost on the mind of a Jew.

(38)
Rachel,
July 20, 2011 6:41 AM

Learning proper application of lashon hora laws is one very relevant response!

Perhaps the most complicated part of the lashon hora laws -- and the most relevant here -- is learning when and how we are required to notify others about dangerous people in order to protect them against harm.

(37)
harry abram,
July 20, 2011 4:27 AM

What is the Message?

Of course I do not pretend to be a prophet or do I have direct communication to Hashem. I saw the achdus or unity that came about after the tragedy and I couldn't help but think that Hashem wants to see unity in his people. He is offering the unity either b'simcha or by tragedy-it is our choice!

(36)
CHAIM FACHLER,
July 19, 2011 10:26 PM

THE PERPETRATOR IS NOT THE ONLY GUILTY PARTY

As Jews we all share mutual responsibility. As observant Jews, we share a mutual duty to prevent such cases. Could this unspeakable tragedy have been prevented? Is there someone out there who knew that this individual needed help? Did he refrain from reporting him to the authorities for fear of being ostracised by his own community? Or maybe he did tell someone, maybe even a rabbinical authority, who was not equipped to deal with it, so he didn’t. How many more tragedies need to happen before we admit that our community includes individuals who need professional help? We have good professionals who can deliver that help. Our spiritual and lay leaders need to take a tougher stance on this pressing issue before someone else gets hurt. Whether a child, or an abused wife, or a friend at school.

(35)
Sol Schwartz,
July 19, 2011 10:24 PM

Yashar Koach

I've been reading the comments over the last couple of days and it amazes me the different take people have on the same article. I had to sometimes reread the article and the comments to try to understand where they met. I'm not criticizing anyone, just trying to understand your point of view. I didn't see Rabbi Fried criticizing anyone either, just pointing out the need for all of us to work on ourselves and our relationships. To do so, especially in honor of the death of an innocent, I would think would at least make some sense out of a totally senseless crime. If anyone out there doesn't think they can use some improvement, I congratulate you. There are very few of you in the world. For me, it's a constant struggle to keep my tongue in check. And having been on the wrong end of a cutting one, I can tell you it's not such a great experience. A good person is always working on him/herself to improve. That's what G-d expects of us. If G-d is sending us messages, I think we should listen very carefully. If you'll recall, not to long ago a couple of terrorists were arrested for planning to blow up shuls in the New York area. The same night as Leiby's (may he rest in peace), kidnapping, a synagogue in Manhattan burned down. So maybe it was coincidence, but what would have happened if they had, G-d forbid, been successful? Even if G-d is not trying to tell us something, I can't imagine G-d minding us working on self improvement as a bad thing. In doing so, we do become the guiding lights of our world. And anyone who speaks up in an attempt to bring understanding and peace between people, must be considered one of the chosen ones.
So thank you Rabbi Fried, I couldn't have said it better myself.

(34)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 8:08 PM

Thank you

Your powerful words sent tears to my eyes. Thank you very much for writing this beautiful take-away message for us Jews who are really suffering from the horrific, beyond tragic murder of Leiby. It is so hard to know what to do at times like these, and you so beautifully express how to take this tragedy and through the tears and pain, use it to grow from and elevate ourselves in the zchus of Leiby's pure neshma. I really appreciate the practical advice you give that synthesizes a message to take from both this tragedy as well as the timeframe of the Three Weeks that we just began. Thank you, and may we only share simchas in Klal Yisrael iyH and bring the geula soon!

(33)
P. Crys,
July 19, 2011 6:18 PM

In agreement with Rabbi Fried

Thank-you Rabbi Fried for stepping out to say what has needed to be said! It is not an easy thing to speak in the midst of such a tragedy.
In my journal as recorded on the 14th of July, I received almost the identical understanding including the Torah reference in the Book of Judges about the the tragedy of the concubine of Givah. I too sensed that this was more than a horrific crime. When the people say "nothing like this
has ever happened before", it is truly a time to look inward and ask this question to ourselves, "what is it that we need to have our eyes opened to?"
The nation I was born in, I had to ask the same question. We are so pre-occupied with the idea protecting ourselves from the evil inclinations of others that might penetrate our society and way of life, but have lost all discernment to examine the evil that is within our very own borders and moreover are blinded to the evil inclinations in our very own hearts as individuals.
The heart of any man, Jew or Gentile that goes unchecked has the potential to commit any crime against mankind even as horrific as this.
I say this in a special regard for the Jewish people in the Land of Israel, and out of the Land who have taken a position to hate and harm their own brethren on the basis of their own religeous beliefs.
I recently just returned from a lovely visit to the Land of Israel,
but as I was exposed to a shocking image captured through a video documentation of a reality that exists in the Land and out the Land, pertaining to the hate and anger the Ultra Orthodox harbor in their hearts toward a group of Jewish people who don't hold the same religeous beliefs is shocking!
Leviticus 19: 16-18 states the condition of a Jewish heart toward their own brethren. If we don't set the good example
set out by Adonai, why would be expect more from others toward us? I agree that senseless acts commited by our actions and words can be likened to the same hideous crimes.
"A divided house will not stand"

(32)
Samira,
July 19, 2011 12:58 PM

Leiby

I'm Jewish and I'm sorry but I didn't hear anybody say/write that non Jews are bad.
This is about Leiby, that little boy that was walking home and never arrived. I'm so sorry for the family, I keep thinking about him. It shocked me when I heard it yesterday. I can say nothing that would ease their pain.......I will pray.

(31)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 9:13 AM

learning from Leiby, o"h

There is no doubt that the lessons mentioned above are urgent messages to us all. Perhaps there is an additional point to consider. Here was a member of in our community who was apparently very, very sick. Why was no help extended to him? Why did his neighbors not consult rabbonim or social workers or someone else in a position to help, and to protect their community? Don't we have a responsibility to see that our community is healthy? That every member receive the help he needs? We would not leave someone hungry or sick without assistance; what about emotional hunger? mental sickness?
As Rabbi Noach Weinberg, zt"l said in a message about the commandment to "love one's neighbor", we have a mitzvah to love even a fellow Jew who has been convicted of a major crime and is sitting on death row. We do not forgive him, we do not overlook his crime, or condone his actions, but we do what we can to see that he have an honorable death.
Would it not have been an even greater act of loving one's neighbor to see that this warped soul be treated, and/or constrained if necessary, before he was able to perform so heinous a crime?
In sum, perhaps we should re-evaluate our attitude to communal responsibility, and commit to shoulder whatever portion of the burden Heaven sends our way.
No human power can presume to offer condolence to the family at their overwhelming loss. May He who has commanded us to extend a consoling hand to mourners, now grant comfort and guidance to us all.

(30)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 9:05 AM

What on earth is going on here??

I cannot believe what I am hearing \ reading here!. If there is any nation \ people who need to be as one, to pull together, to unite, to cooperate, surely it must be the Jewish nation.
A small nation of what 20 million, surrounded by a potential enemy of some one and a half billion - what odds do you have?
Having joined a group of interested people who are angry, frustrated and disturbed with the way much of the wolrld treats the Jews and is trying to wipe out the Jewish nation, we are keen to get the world to see the need to support the Jewsih people, even if only for the sake of Christianity's ongoing commitments, then we hear, read this preposterous action. How is Gods name do you expect to encourage respect and consideration by those who can only understand the peripherals of Judaism and what it is all about?
If Jews cannot unite urgently and dramatically, then I guess they do not deserve the understanding and resconsideration by the rest of the world!!
You don't have much time left !!!!

(29)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 4:07 AM

I agree with CD Goldberg

I am not Jewish and there are just as many mentally ill people whom are non Jewish who kill others in brutal ways. I am so sorry for the family. When I first read about Leiby, I got sick to my stomach. Even last night, I thought about it for a few minutes and I couldn't sleep, it was so disturbing. Anyway, it's horrible, and my heart goes out to his family. I'm also happy the Jewish community was able to come together to search for him and help.

(28)
Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 3:30 AM

I fully support the message of this piece.

I davened for more than five years in _____ in the city of ______. No one talked to me except for the gabay. A friend of mine davened and learned in the ________ minyan in ______ for 20 years until he moved out of state. No one ever talked to him. Where is these people's menschlichkeit? Who were their parents and rebbis? Such treatment over an extended period of time kills a person's neshama, unless he has some other outlets.

(27)
Anonymous,
July 18, 2011 11:34 PM

makes no sense

i heard some Rabbi's speak of the horrid murder of this innocent child, and say that he was a' Korban'. i find this so utterly sick. An innocent child was murdered in the most horrid manner by a Jew, and Jews try to say that it was Gd's will?
Among the many who have also written, regarding this murder, there were not only Jews, who felt the pain of the child victim and his parents and siblings, there were thousands of non-Jews. No one has spoken anything of them.
The Jews are supposed to be the Light to the rest of us?! For Hashems's sake start being a light, and not try to say you are the only beloved of Gd, and the rest of us are just something like scum.
Be a light to yourelves first, then only can you be a light to the rest, whom Gd also created. i am not a Jew, but i consider my self a child of God, He created me too with His love. Or... do you think i am just scum put by Him so you can say how bad we are, and how good you Chosen? i am so angry....

Leah,
July 19, 2011 6:52 AM

Please understand....

Thank you for your honesty. Please understand that there are many non-Jews who claim to love the Jewish people, but who have secret agendas to convert them. Therefore, many Jews are very wary of whom to confide in. That said, Hashem made all people of the earth and therefore non-Jews are certainly His children also. Don't be angry, be forgiving, for Gd is also forgiving.

Rachel,
July 20, 2011 6:07 AM

God = reason

A basic tenet of Judaism is that everything that happens is part of Hashem's overall plan, and that the actions people (Jews and non-Jews) choose bring us closer or farther from meeting the mission he designates for us in that plan. The big scheme involves EVERYONE but in DIFFERENT WAYS and at DIFFERENT LEVELS. Therefore, there CAN BE MULTIPLE REASONS for any given event -- for the individuals directly involved, as well as for ever larger circles of other people. Jews are bound by common communal obligations and destiny determined by our religion, so there is a level of reason and involvement for us as a people when anything (good or bad) happens to any of us. To experience an incident like Leiby's demise, seek the reason(s) and act in response on the level of a "people" is natural and required! It does not de-value non-Jews, whose group missions may differ, nor does it exclude anyone, Jew or not, from experiencing, understanding and acting upon an incident as part of the wider circles of community and humanity.
May ALL of us who have felt the pain merit to understand and react in accordance with what Hashem has designated for us, and in so doing spare others from the suffering of Leiby (and, yes, Levi).

(26)
Chana,
July 18, 2011 8:24 PM

The tragedy of the concubine of Givah was on my mind right away also, together with another great concept of the Torah and Tanah - throughout screams of our Navi’im about wrong doings of Israel. It was not considered “Lashon Chara”. Pedophilia is becoming very "popular" in our orthodox community. Rabbis-teachers in boy's Yeshivas molesting young boys and nobody scream out about it! Young, strong men are not married in their late 20', 30' or 40' - doing who knows what with their sexuality, at the same time are very nicely treated by communities and made sure to be invited for Shabbos meal - "poor" single men- they don’t have a family for Shabbos! They can't find a "right" girl. They are our silent enemies! Don't make them feel so comfortable! Make them run and get married and if they don't-look at them more closely and keep your children far away from them! Besides prohibition of the slander - Chafets Chaim was famous for rebuking us constantly - read his biography. When we hear scandals about Rabbi Tropper, Rabbis- Child - Molesters and everyone is playing a game of "Don't speak Lashon Chara"- it is scary! Their acts have to be publicized on every corner! Their photographs have to be displayed on every stand! These people have to be ostracized! I wish we could stone them- we have to rage the war against them- so future “Levy Aarons”-let his name to be erased-will think twice before deciding to please themselves with dismembering of our children! Yes, H-shem wants us to speak out, to scream out about sexual crimes! I do not mention financial crimes – corruption beyond imagination. Where is our Navi’im?!! Where is our Pinchas?!!

Anonymous,
July 19, 2011 6:50 PM

Horrifying reaction

I have never read such a hateful diatribe by someone speaking the language of Yiddishkeit as Chana's. She should read R' Hillel in Pirkei Avoth: do not judge another until you have come to his place. There are plenty of people who married very young and had disastrous marriages, with consequences for the children. I was patient and waited, B"H, for the right person, getting married for the first (and only) time at the ripe age of 49 - and I am perfectly normal, thank G-d. Yet Chana would condemn me (and my wife!) as sick monsters. Why? I have news for Chana - there have been many perverts among the ranks of the married and ostensibly frum. For shame, to express such baseless hatred! (It is that time of year...)

Anonymous,
July 24, 2011 7:26 AM

Courage

Dear Chana:
You are VERY courageous in the suggestions you make. I applaud your profound common sense, and Integrity - that there be more individuals of your character, forthrightness, and honesty!!! It would resolve a Lot of problems.

(25)
Nancy,
July 18, 2011 7:27 PM

Peace, let it begin with me.

We can all brighten this world regardless of our ethnicity, religion or color.

(24)
Anonymous,
July 18, 2011 6:23 PM

Once again we are to blame for everything

I agree with Shoshana and the anonymous comments. Why are all of us to blame because a mentally ill person committed murder? It is not fair to blame all of the Jewish nation for one person´s horrible act. This is typical of our spiritual leaders to make us feel guilty and bad for being alive. This article made me very angry. Lashon Hara is one thing and what happened here is a totally different thing which has nothing to do with the rest of us and how we behave. This lunatic acted alone.

Moishe,
July 19, 2011 1:12 PM

Chazal tell us that everything that happens contains a message for us. So yes, there is something we are supposed to learn from here.
Moreover, the fact that such things can exist in our community means that we have not all been as upstanding ourselves. If everyone was strict about their behaviour (be it Tznius, Loshan Hora, financial honesty, respect for parents, Ahavas Chinom) then we would be affecting the rest of Klal Yisroel by our example. In a society where certain standards are simply ‘fact’, you won’t find such diversity of behaviour. A Levi Aaron does not suddenly materialise, it is a result of our lifestyle and the extent to which we are tolerant of other behaviour. I do not mean we should just be intolerant of other people but from tolerance, unfortunately, we have become a lot more accepting of other peoples lifestyles to the point that we incorporate some of it, whether knowingly or not, into our own. And because of that our criteria of who is frum or not is based largely on what they look like. And if there is someone who has no care for Torah, Halocho or Middos we simply shrug it off as a frum person who is modern. Our Kehillos are basically comprised of those amongst us who look frum, because that the only point we can clearly distinguish. And so we breed generations who are happy to continue dressing frum but do whatever they want and we have precious little idea of the scope of this problem because they're all dressed like us.
To combat this is by each person needs to improve themselves. If you find certain behaviours unacceptable - keep far away from it. These sorts of ideas catch on and before you know it you will be influencing other people who will in turn influence others. It will become simply unacceptable for a frum person to drop litter on the street, cheat someone else, drive without consideration to others, dress inappropriately etc.
That may be the message we ought to hear to remedy what has caused us to get to this stage.

(23)
C D Goldberg,
July 18, 2011 11:21 AM

It does not matter who commits murder

To murder some one is a despicable act and it does not matter what religion, race, creed or what degree of Judaism a person follows. Perpetrators have to be dealt with harshly and in accordance with the law.

(22)
Anonymous,
July 18, 2011 11:21 AM

Thank you

I am very thankful I was able to read this great enlighten article by Rabbi Yerachmiel Fried. These words and arguments are lifiting my soul. Thanks so much.

(21)
Anonymous,
July 18, 2011 7:28 AM

THANK YOU

Thank you, Rabbi Fried, for a clear and insightful directive! The days after Leiby's death left me sad and empty and groping for something specific to take on that would ease the spiritual pain I was feeling -- but I was herd-pressed to find a specific suggestion that is as clear as yours, and spoke to me as much. I feel very strongly that it's no coincidence that this tragedy came out right before the three weeks... Thank you, thank you and may we all find the strength to respond to this tragedy with purpose, to uplift ourselves and bring Mashiach now!

(20)
shoshana,
July 18, 2011 6:59 AM

blaming the victim

Your comment is a typical example of blaming the victim. If a religious Jewish child is killed, it's the fault of the religious Jew.Instead of bringing forth feelings of heartache and sympathy, it causes an outpouring of wrath against the frum community. And your words are not violent? I think they might even violate the Constitutional Ammendment against "inciting". If a religious Jew walks down the street and doesn't look at you, this is violence? Maybe you should be more careful with your dangerous choice of words. Jews are separated from all of humanity? Where is there a more humane people who has done more for all humanity than the Jew? As for the search for little Leiby, there was such an outpouring of love,and unity that the police themselves said that they never saw anything like it. What fault did you find with that? Also, you seem to feel that the religious Jew looks down on the other Jews because he doesn't say hello to him in the street. I am a volunteer in Ezer Miztion here in Jerusalem and once a week go to visit a sick Jewish woman or child whose family requests help. They send us to whoever needs, religious or not, and nobody makes a distinction. And other women cook hundreds of portions of food which other volunteers bring to the hospitals and distribute them to family members who are so hungry and tired , sitting hours and days by their sick relatives, religious or not. And we have more organizations, too numerous to mention. And there you have Hatzala and other chesed organizations, entire communities near hospitals who are always ready to help any Jew in need.And what about Aish and Chabad and all lthe rest who are always there? And you are right, we do not want our Judiasm to be diluted. We want our children to marry Jews, and keep kosher and Shabbos and taharas hamishpacha and modesty laws and all the rest, with all the chumras and no compromising, for that is what weakens Judiasm, till it dissappears altogeher.

Sarah,
July 18, 2011 7:23 PM

To shoshana and other critics of the article

In Judaism, whenever we get punished by Hashem, we *must* look to OURSELVES to find the reason for it. That is the whole basis of punishment and ultimately teshuva in this world. It is true, the frum community of klal yisroel are the victims in this. Unfortunately, the unaffiliated may not have even heard about it, and it is even less likely that it pains them to the extent that it pained us. But it's *because* we're the victims that we must look to ourselves to find the blame. The message has to be as horrible as the way in which it had to be delivered to us.
There is always something we can do. We can't make the umos haolam our measuring stick. The fact that we are the most humane and helpful nation in the world doesn't mean that we are the best that WE can be. Our nation is beautiful and wonderful, but this tragedy shows us that we are NOT perfect and that we are in need of major teshuva... each one of us, in something.

(19)
Anonymous,
July 18, 2011 3:10 AM

I read, and re-read the commentary to make sure I understood it, since I was sure my initial understanding of it was so outrageous as to be irrational. Apparently my initail reading was correct, and the author actually stated that while he is not certain as to why the murder occurred, he is sure the child's body was sent to us to let us know that Klal Yisroel, we the Jewish people are guilty of lashon horah. Does this author also have an opinion about the justification for the Shoah? How dare anyone presume to give reasons for this child's death, and victimize him thereafter.

Hannah,
July 18, 2011 7:46 AM

I do not understand your response, Anonymous

I got a totally different reaction to the commentary. At the beginning the rabbi said he wasn't a prophet and couldn't give reasons, just his own reactions. He is not blaming anyone or speaking violence. I don't understand anyone feeling this in his words. Loshon Hara is endemic in the Jewish community. I stayed out of it for years because I found it so cold when growing up. I didn't find a really friendly tolerant community until moving to Israel. Now I'm working on my frum-ness. Chofetz Chaim should indeed be studied on a daily basis. The Torah puts such a strong emphasis on it, as there probably are more injunctions to watch speech than any other behavior. Often when someone reacts so strongly to a suggestion, it's because it elicits guilt - the taking on of the blame, and that might be because there is realization that the person has participated in just the activity being criticized. Loshon hara is so hard to totally eradicate from one's life- it's so easy to fall into gossip or talking critically about a person. We as Jews really do need to practice more friendliness. Yes there are a lot of good outreaches going on, and yes we may all contribute to charity, but the tongue really is the hardest muscle to tame. Please read the rabbi's words again and consider his suggestion.

Yehoshua,
July 18, 2011 9:34 PM

I humbly apologize for seeing Rabbi Fried article in a different light. It is clear to me that the Rav neither said or even intended to imply that: "he is sure ......" of any connections in regard to this innocent. My understanding of the Rav's words is that events in life can be valuable for us to refine and improve our own lives. Since the power of the tongue can, like a sword harm other people we should take every opportunity, including this tragic one, to turn our "spoken swords into plowshares" that will cultivate peace and harmony.

miryam,
July 18, 2011 10:29 PM

insane

It is awful that this mans identity is linked to anyone Jew,gentile,christian or any other adjectives. This is just a sick,psychotic person.There are sick people in every society and every religion.He should not be linked by anything other than an illness.

(18)
David S. Levine,
July 18, 2011 12:42 AM

Call The Police

There is too much reluctance in the Frum community to call upon those who are responsible for dealing with crime, the police. Had there been less reluctance this boy might have been saved. Levi Aron was clearly disturbed and should have been hospitalized and there is legal machinery to do so--the courts and the police. Please, for the sake of the whole community, call in the legal machinery when it is needed to deal with a Levi Aron.

Channa,
July 18, 2011 7:34 AM

You are right

You are right that we have to call the police, but I think I read that the police were called two years ago by a mother of a little girl that he (this murderer) tried to lure into his car.
Another problem in a religious community is that children feel too trusting of a person who looks religious. We live in a very frum community in Jerusalem and in other frum communities as well and all my grandchildren know not to talk to strangers no matter how they look. They also know( the boys as well as the girls) that if a man or boy starts to talk to them they run in the oppoisit direction. Last week a cab pulled up near a little girl who the driver obviously thought was alone and said to her ", hi, little girl, do you want to get in and show me where such and such a street is? " The child's sister was right there with her, grabbed her and ran. When we heard about it we decided that if we ever see such a thing, we have to immediately call the police and scream and yell and try to get a crowd to catch him. Since I heard this story I am really in a big fear for all the children in the neighborhood. One other point. I don't know how it is in the States, but here adults seem to think that children should be sweet and friendly and smile and say shalom to everyone in the street. And this is the fault of little old grandmothers and g randfathers who love to smile at every child they pass. This is very confusing for the child. on one hand the children are taught not to talk to strangers and on the other hand these overly frienldly wellmeaning people. So maybe we should keep this in mind.
May H-shem watch over all of us.

Rachel,
July 24, 2011 6:43 AM

Let the Children Smile! .... but teach them caution.

There is a difference between smiling and greeting a stranger (religious Jew, non-religious Jew or non-Jew) versus getting within arms reach of them or engaging in conversation with them.
Children do need to be taught to do the former. There are so many more good people in the world for whom this can make a huge difference than there are harmful strangers. It is too big a kiddush hashem and chessed to be passed up.
At the same time, they should not be allowed out on the streets without close supervision until they have demonstrated an instinct for avoiding getting too close and an understanding (lo aleinu that we have to tell them this) that not everyone who appears "normal" or "frum"-- and not even everyone they know -- is necessarily safe to be close to or alone with, and of the fact of social engineering. They also need to be prepared with a hierarchy of who and how to ask for help if they become lost, separated from their chaperones or otherwise find themselves in danger. We should not be swayed when others behave differently and we should not be too proud or shy to seek assistance when necessary in order not to compromise on these standards.

(17)
Bernadine,
July 18, 2011 12:20 AM

Peace & Blessings to the Family

I too am sad.... there are no words.
I pray for peace & comfort to the family & friends.
I am sad, praying for LOVE,PEACE, PATIENCE, LOVE,JOY,KINDNESS,GOODNESS,FAITHFULNESS
,GENTLENESS,

(16)
Alan Greenberg,
July 17, 2011 10:47 PM

Mental Illness

This wasn't a hate crime. This wasn't a crime committed by a perverted person. This was an unfortunate incident caused by a Mentally ill person.
What makes it worse, is that it was done by one of our own.... Such an awful and horrible shame.

(15)
eli,
July 17, 2011 10:38 PM

i think that there is so much animosity between am israel
different religous groups dont except each other. especially
in eretz israel. that unfortunetly these acts bring us together.
like someone said that everyone made a point to come to the funeral of leiby.

(14)
Michael Hamilton,
July 17, 2011 8:56 PM

A vivid reminder

Just about a month age I had re-thought my place in study. I've been reading Torah, Talmud, and Tanya for nearly a year when I had the thought that I must also re-read (and study) the book: Chofetz Chaim A Lesson A Day. This news brings sad days but a bright reminder of where I should emphasize my efforts.

(13)
Dov Goldstein,
July 17, 2011 8:42 PM

It's not about morality

This was not a crime, like Dori is referring to - it was an act that exploded out of severe mental illness and detachment from reality. It does not have anything to do with crime rates. Mugging is not typically done for fun, but for a purpose: getting money. It's still evil. But this was qualitatively different, as it was not to get anything normally considered useful. It was the fruit of a twisted mind, period. Religion and morality has nothing to do with it, at all.
Blaming it on anyone is useless. Sure, we need to look inward, as we do from everything - ein pur'anus ba ella bishvil Yisroel, v'ein tovah ba'ah ella bishvil Yisroel. But by the same token, the main thing that I see - the only thing that I can see - coming out of this is love for the sweet little boy's family. Love for the parents and sisters, love for all children, and love for Hashem who gives them all to us.
Emunah problems are made irrelevant by taking loving action to try and do SOMETHING for these innocent victims. Listening to our children a bit more - listening to suffering people a bit more.
But there is one more thing we need to do: risk being open and available to those sad people on the margins. People we like to ignore and hope they'll "just go away one day." People who are disturbed and maybe sick - getting them the help they need before they are shoved alone into a corner and left to stew. That is one thing that might make a bigger difference.
That takes bravery, as our community likes to focus on the successful: the talmid chochom, the speakers, the wealthy....and ignore the weak and pathetic looking folks. But they need us, too. If anything, they need to be reminded that they are people too. That they are really not alone.
Maybe that would help prevent at least some horrifying explosions like this one from occurring in the future. Stigmatizing the outcasts is exactly the worst thing to do in response to this brutal murder. They are not just 'going away'.

(12)
Tammy Ashley,
July 17, 2011 8:41 PM

Leiby

Proverbs 25:21 came to my mind as I was reading this article. "If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat; And if he is thirsty, give him water to drink; For so you will heap coals of fire on his head, And the L-rd will reward you".

(11)
Anna,
July 17, 2011 8:19 PM

horrible tradegy

Dear Rabbi Fried,I read very carefully your response to the murder of the young innocent boy. My heart is full of love and compassion for him and his family. But I also ask myself: If this was a message to us from G-d, couldn't he chose a different delivery of his message? I believe that we should also be more open to the mental health in our communities. Respectfully, Anna Weiss

(10)
anonymous,
July 17, 2011 7:49 PM

not sure this is about loshon hara

Our Rabbi talked about Leiby's untimely death as being a kaparah for klal yisrael, although we do not know why. Loshon Hara has been at the forefront for the past 15 years or so, with people not warning others about potentially dangerous people because it is loshon hara (mistakeningly) It is not Loshon Hara to warn someone about a guy walking around the neighborhood with a loaded gun. Perhaps we must really learn what is loshon hara and what is pikuach nefesh to avoid such tragedies.

(9)
Anonymous,
July 17, 2011 7:07 PM

What Are We Doing To Each Other

Being a convert sometimes I wonder if our people really take a look at themselves and what they are doing to each other and converts. There is an Old say in my family before I became jewish "G-d does not like ungly" which means that HaShem does not like what we as a people do to each other and there will be punishment for such behavior. There is hate amoung us and being a convert there is "you are not welcome" especially the orthodox community, even thor I'm seen on shabbos at service being more obsevant then some. I believe this is a WAKE UP call for us to look at what we do to each other...We are G-ds people even if we are converts(think about what they are doing in Israel to the converts) we made a commitment to HaShem... I hope there is understanding...We just try to make sense and do our best to be good Jews. Were is the Loving Kindness that we should towards each other...

(8)
Beverly Kurtin,
July 17, 2011 6:39 PM

Like being shot

As with most Jews, I had no words to express the shock of the monstrous act that had occurred; I felt as though I had been shot. (I have been shot accidentally and know the feeling). My mind simply shut down; it was incomprehensible to me. Staring into space, I simply could not move. When I snapped out of that state of mind, or better, no state of mind, all I could think of Hashem talking to Job. No, I did not make the world, no, I cannot fathom the mind of Gd; like Aaron, I had to simply accept it as so many other Jews around the world had done.
My mind thought of the parents of that young man and what THEY must be going through. Had a non-Jew committed that most terrible act, it would have been one thing, but for a fellow Jew to have performed such an act? I thought of the woman here in the states that had cut the arms of her own infant for her deity. Impossible to even consider! But she, as the thing that murdered that young, innocent person, is mentally ill.
It is astonishly easy to hate people like that, but people who have mental disease may or may not understand what they are doing. It is so easy to judge those unfortunate people. Here, in Texas, people who have no understanding of what they have done are still executed; Texans are a bloodthirsty bunch.
I cannot judge the monster who committed such a heinous act; I will leave it up to Hashem and the people who will ultimately have to judge him. I am reaching out spiritually to Leiby Kletzky’s parents and pray for their healing and that somehow they will be able to continue to go on. May Hashem infuse his love into their hearts.

(7)
Reb. Doris Feinstein,
July 17, 2011 6:29 PM

Chaverim kol Yisrael

The world has seen so many of our people gathered to
search for Leiby ztzl. May his memory be a bracha for
klal Yisrael. May we at this pivotal point of the Three Weeks
join together indeed as Chaverim Kol Yisrael in Leiby's
memory to bring achdus amongst ourselves to enable
Hashem to send Moshiach and rebuild the Beit Hamikdash.

(6)
Dori,
July 17, 2011 4:19 PM

Jews are 'norma;'

I agree - don't ASSume..
Jews are humans Be glad that the major crime rate among Jews is a bit less than the general populace, especially when it comes to the violent ones. Even supposedly very observant Jews commit big economic crimes.

(5)
Yehoshua Looks,
July 17, 2011 1:15 PM

Crying for Leiby, thinking about Levi

I, too, have been crying about Leiby, but I keep thinking about Levi Aron. I have read much of what is available and I perceive a disturbed, marginalized person. It is mind-boggling to realize how much information is available. We cannot say anymore, "if only I had known." The Kadosh Baruch Hu is placing all the scattered, sometimes shattered, fragments before us. But what are we doing with them? Clearly information isn't what is lacking.
Levi's Facebook page contains some haunting self portraits. He butchered an innocent most horribly, but I do not see the face of a monster. Our tragedy is that we didn't find him until we starting looking for his victim.
Hindsight is 20/20, but I want to believe that if we actively care more, hindsight can become foresight. Entering the Three Weeks, we as a collective Jewish community, do need to hug our children a little tighter, but we also need to really understand that our Sinat Hinam is, not caring about the Other, and we need to take action. Then, if we really want to bring about the rebuilding of our Holy Temple, we need to search out the Levi Arons among us and find a way to let them know they are most precious Tzelem Elokims and are not alone.
This is all much easier said than done. I write this as much for myself, if not more so, as for others; to reach out into uncomfortable territory. I don't have a plan, but I do know that Hashem will present me with opportunities. I hope to be more open and available the next time.
Hashem oz l'amo yi'tein, Hashem yevarech et amo va'Shalom.

Julie,
July 18, 2011 7:04 AM

Free Will

I am sure that you meen well, but I disagree. We have free will to choose between good and evil and life and death. A person is free to make the choice. Why didn't ,I won't say his name, return Leiby alive? He could have made that choice. One averah leads to another, and one mitzvah leads to another. Kidnapping is bad. Murder, unthinkable! Do you want to spend time looking for would be killers to prevent future murders? A murderer belongs behind bars to keep the innocent in society safe. Kind to the cruel is cruel to the kind. I am crying for Leiby. I have no thoughts for evil.

Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 7:05 AM

You missed the commenter's point.

OF COURSE, now that the damage is done and Levi Aron has proven that he cannot be trusted to choose life, he must be removed from society. However, the point is well taken that we need to be more proactive in getting help for people who are at risk of deteriorating to the point where they would choose or be compelled to commit murder, and in educating potential victims to stay reasonably far from harm's way. We have to construct more "fences" against the first aveirah.

(4)
Roz,
July 17, 2011 12:56 PM

Let's Reverse the Stigma of Mental Illness!

Rabbi, thank you for an enlightening article. Fellow Jews, Please, let us recognize and accept that some people, including Jews need treatment for mental health issues. Yes, the murderer must pay for his act. However, had teachers, parents intervened on his behalf years ago, and not swept this issue under the rug, perhaps this even may have been averted. I have heard that people avoid getting help for depression and other symptoms because it may interfere with the shidduch process for themselves or familly members. How sad. The mind is another part of the body that sometimes needs attention, support and medication so that it can heal. Look what can happen when this part of the body is neglected.
It's time for the frum community to rethink this issue.

Aliza Bulow,
July 18, 2011 1:09 AM

Levi's mother

I too am thinking and thinking about poor Leiby and his family and what they are going through, but I am also thinking about Levi's (the murderer) mother. How must she feel? Her dreams are dashed too and no one is lining up to comfort her. Imagine the pain of raising a mentally ill child, the triumph of getting him to adulthood, the sorrow of knowing he'll never marry or give you the nachas you hoped for, the acquiescence of finding him a home close to you so that you can keep an eye on him, the relief that he can hold a job, and then the terror of finding out what he did and having to live with that for the rest of your life. My heart goes out to her as it does to Leiby's family. May Hashem comfort Mr. and Mrs. Aron too and help them live with the tragedy in their lives.

Anonymous,
July 20, 2011 6:51 AM

Amen!!

You are so right.

(3)
Anonymous,
July 17, 2011 11:49 AM

No More Protekzia

Rabbis have been fighting over the issue of reporting child molesters to the police without a rabbi's permission. Leiby's murderer hid behind protekzia despite his long trail of mental illness. If the Jewish world had committed to pursuing justice, then perhaps Levi's murder could have been prevented. Did Rabbis know Levi Aron was mentally ill, and had tried luring kids?

pr,
July 17, 2011 12:42 PM

I wish peoplewouldstop adding presumed details to the horrific murder of LEbiy. Law enforcement clearly inidcated that Leiby did not seem to be a victim of molestation. Yes, to all wh ocame in contact with LEvi he appeared to be mentally unbalanced but to say that he was child molester is false. Are you suggesting that all mentally ill people be locked up? At what point do Rabbis and family draw the line of a safe versus dangerous meshuganna? This is a man who held the same simple job for many years. He took care of his personal hygiene but could not have more than a monsyllabic conversation with his neighbors. Is he a candidate for being put away? and if so who is repsonsible to make sure it happens considering that he was an adult who lived on his own. In this country so long as he is not a threat to self or others the men inthe whiter coatsd have no authority to take him away.

CR,
July 17, 2011 1:20 PM

Don't assume, don't presume

This is absolutely no proof that Leiby's murderer hid behind any Rabbis who protected him. Did YOU or anyone else, Rabbi or otherwise, know that Levi Aron tried luring kids? Now a woman claims that her son escaped a suspicous man who was trailing him in a car. Did she or anyone else know that the man was Levi Aron? And had she known, what could she have done with no proof? Would you lock up every mentally ill person who does not yet have a history of violence? Even if YOU would choose to, the law would not go along with you. This murderer was not previously known to be a molester nor a violent person. He was known as an oddball. Try getting every oddball under lock and key. I don't think you'd want to live in that society, especially as religiious Jews with traditions that could be considered odd, unjust or cruel (like the circumcision debate in San Fransisco and anti-shechita laws in Europe). Not every tragedy is preventable and you can't lay the blame at the Rabbis' doorstep.

Rabbi Who Knows Levi,
July 19, 2011 12:14 AM

Not normal-Yes History of luring kids- no

As a Rabbi who knew Levi Aron I can assure you that he has mental issues that were being dealt with at the time that I knew him. He was on medication. There was no indication that he was a threat to the safety of children or for that matter anyone. Please stop projecting your own ideas on to the reality of this strange and horrific tragedy.

(2)
Anonymous,
July 17, 2011 11:09 AM

Inspirational event Monday July 18th in 5 Towns area

Rabbi Fried hit the nail on the head. "Life and death are in the power of the tongue" Proverbs 18:21. Mishmeres HaSholom, an international organization whose mission is to spread the daily study and practice of the laws of lashon hara, is offering a number of events over the next few weeks. This week, Monday July 18th there will be a chizuk event for men and women at Shaaray Tefila, 25 Central Ave., Lawrence, NY starting 7:30PM featuring Rabbi Jonathan Rietti and Rabbi David Weinberger. Mishmeres HaSholom also offers a free monthly inpiring e-zine, hotlines for a shiur on the daily learning segment of the Chofetz Chaim; for a shiur and skit for women's monthly chizuk gatherings and a Baid Hora'a hotline for halachic queries regarding the laws of lashon hara and mitzvos bein adam lachaveiro. By improving our interpersonal relationships, we will correct and atone for the sins of lashon hara and sinas chinam and thereby merit the coming of Mashiach and the rebuilding of our Holy Temple. For more information, you can contact me via Aish.

(1)
Miriam,
July 17, 2011 10:44 AM

I also came to your conclusion

It really is beyond our ability to comprehend. Blows all our concepts. And when I run through all my emotions, anger, rage, fear, hate, disgust, incredulity, sorrow, compassion, love, longing, empathy, when I've cried till the phone rings and brings me out of myself, I know that the response to this inhumanity is to be more human, more sensitive, more respectful, more courageous to stand up to wrong behaviour, in myself and others where appropriate. My response must be to search for goodness as though I were searching for diamonds in the darkness, and strengthen it, by listening more closely, being a bit more attentive. Thank you for letting me share my thoughts. Thank you Leiby for the new light you have brought into the world.

Since honey is produced by bees, and bees are not a kosher species, how can honey be kosher?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Talmud (Bechoros 7b) asks your very question! The Talmud bases this question on the principle that “whatever comes from a non-kosher species is non-kosher, and that which comes from something kosher is kosher.”

So why is bee-honey kosher? Because even though bees bring the nectar into their bodies, the resultant honey is not a 'product' of their bodies. It is stored and broken down in their bodies, but not produced there. (see Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 81:8)

By the way, the Torah (in several places such as Exodus 13:5) praises the Land of Israel as "flowing with milk and honey." But it may surprise you to know that the honey mentioned in the verse is actually referring to date and fig honey (see Rashi there)!

In 1809, a group of 70 disciples of the great Lithuanian sage the Vilna Gaon, arrived in Israel, after traveling via Turkey by horse and wagon. The Vilna Gaon set out for the Holy Land in 1783, but for unknown reasons did not attain his goal. However he inspired his disciples to make the move, and they became pioneers of modern settlement in Israel. (A large contingent of chassidic Jews arrived in Tzfat around the same time.) The leader of the 1809 group, Rabbi Israel of Shklov, settled in Tzfat, and six years later moved to Jerusalem where he founded the modern Ashkenazic community. The early years were fraught with Arab attacks, earthquakes, and a cholera epidemic. Rabbi Israel authored, Pe'at Hashulchan, a digest of the Jewish agricultural laws relating to the Land of Israel. (He had to rewrite the book after the first manuscript was destroyed in a fire.) The location of his grave remained unknown until it was discovered in Tiberias, 125 years after his death. Today, the descendants of that original group are amongst the most prominent families in Jerusalem.

When you experience joy, you feel good because your magnificent brain produces hormones called endorphins. These self-produced chemicals give you happy and joyful feelings.

Research on these biochemicals has proven that the brain-produced hormones enter your blood stream even if you just act joyful, not only when you really are happy. Although the joyful experience is totally imaginary and you know that it didn’t actually happen, when you speak and act as if that imaginary experience did happen, you get a dose of endorphins.

These chemicals are naturally produced by your brain. They are totally free and entirely healthy.

Many people find that this knowledge inspires them to create more joyful moments. It’s not just an abstract idea, but a physical reality.

Occasionally, when I walk into an office, the receptionist greets me rudely. Granted, I came to see someone else, and a receptionist's disposition is immaterial to me. Yet, an unpleasant reception may cast a pall.

A smile costs nothing. Greeting someone with a smile even when one does not feel like smiling is not duplicity. It is simply providing a pleasant atmosphere, such as we might do with flowers or attractive pictures.

As a rule, "How are you?" is not a question to which we expect an answer. However, when someone with whom I have some kind of relationship poses this question, I may respond, "Not all that great. Would you like to listen?" We may then spend a few minutes, in which I unburden myself and invariably begin to feel better. This favor is usually reciprocated, and we are both thus beneficiaries of free psychotherapy.

This, too, complies with the Talmudic requirement to greet a person in a pleasant manner. An exchange of feelings that can alleviate someone's emotional stress is even more pleasant than an exchange of smiles.

It takes so little effort to be a real mentsch.

Today I shall...

try to greet everyone in a pleasant manner, and where appropriate offer a listening ear.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...