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June 14, 2010

Thank You, Stewardess – But I’ve Memorized Your Rap

I’m really over the whole speech flight attendants give before a take off. We all get it. We know the exits are in the front, the side and the rear. We understand that our life vests are below the seat. We know what to do with the oxygen masks if they were to fall down – and no, if I were traveling with my child, I’d probably make sure they’re taken care of before me – unlike your rule suggests we do.

Personally, I think there should be some sort of “flying exam” you have to take, much like a driving test. Everyone would have to take a quick 10-question written exam regarding the protocol of flying safely and what to do in an emergency. Then, you’d get a “flying card” and we’d all be spared the pointless instructional tutorial/video travelers are subjected to each and every flight. We can even give it a really creative name like “Sky Fly” or “Air Aware”.

Get real, TSA – do you really think people are listening? If you heard it once, you’ve heard it a thousand times – so again, having a “flying card” would suffice and render your speechless useless.

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Full-time publicist, part-time writer, and round-the-clock ambassador to wit and humor, Zlata is a Jersey Girl making her way through life in South Florida with her husband, Alex, and their sweet pup, LexZ. Zlata’s a self-taught home cook who relies on taste bud science for her mostly simple, sometimes healthy/sometimes not, always delicious recipes. When she’s not crafting kitchen concoctions, Zlata can be found reading an awesome book (translation: trashy magazine), crossing the line between ‘funny’ and ‘inappropriate,’ and fantasizing about being a Real Housewife of Palm Beach.

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When Zlata isn't buzy figuring out how the world can make the letter Z the new black, she spends her time celebrating others in White. Honored as a 8 –times over bridesmaid (with a few more engagements in the works,) a former habitual dater, and networking extraordinaire, this saucy, loud-mouthed girl gives it to you like it is and rarely skips a beat.
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