I hate it when my dentist talks to me about anything requiring any sort of response. Dry mouth, mouth full of metal instruments - I don't want to talk to her, I just want her to tell me what she's doing then zone out, close my eyes and listen to classic fm or somesuch chilled out radio they have playing.

i'm a dentist, I would make conversation initially but not while doing treatment

I would always explain treatment

i would not hurt your face or lips very occasionally pain free dentistry is impossible but i would explain that as well

if you have very long hair that falls over back a of chair and under it, it might inadvertently get caught on my knee as I swivel chair for better angle etc I would say sorry and ask you to please adjust hair so it was behind your back on seat

I generally do not chat while working might be the occasional technical request for different instrument but unless a junior nurse they should have what i need already set out

getting your title wrong well being honest I might do that; I try not to but mostly i call patients john smith etc

YANBU and this no anaesthesia because it's quicker and easier for him is an absolute dealbreaker. Is he non-UK trained by any chance as there are real cultural differences re anaesthesia and dentistry even in EU countries like Germany/Holland.

Chatting over your head can be okay some people find it distracting but you can be included too.

I gave up NHS dentists years ago (1980s). The trouble was when you did get a nice/good one, they would always leave within 6-12m. The only way to avoid that in NHS is to be a patient of the Practice owner...have you tried that at all? Won't work if only the Associates do the NHS stuff.

If you can afford it, handpicking an experienced dentist privately and sticking to them for years is worth every penny. Continuity of care is what I need at my age and nervousness disappears when the dentist/hygienist becomes more like a friend you see regularly.

They have an incentive in treating you well because they want you to return and recommend your friends. NB This may not always apply to Denplan-type dentists where you are locked into their monthly fixed fees.

Yanbu. I have an NHS dentist, she knows I am a very nervous patient and she is absolutely lovely. She always warns me, tells me exactly what she is going to do and stops immediately if I am having trouble. She's reduced my dentist anxiety massively.

Could you perhaps afford some dental insurance to enable you to go private?

I've only ever had decent treatment when I've gone private. All the NHS treatment I've experienced has been: shoddy, downright botched, painful and humiliating after having been told off by the dentist for having pain from sensitive teeth. Ds2 was also left with a dental phobia by the NHS dentist and has to go to a childrens' dental service now for any treatment.