Quick retorts for the needy.

We’ve just passed the Scottish tradition of Burns Night celebrated worldwide these days and I’ve been to a few. Some of my favourite naturally have been in his homeland, with entertainment during dinner like young dancers and pipers mixed in with the traditions. Every Burns night has its speeches and apart from the obvious ones you also get a smattering of ‘extras’.

One story concerns an Englishman at such a dinner who was to give an official address at some point but in between he’d had many speakers of varying skills doing their ‘Burns’. Not only do they go on but many fuelled by the tipple feel the urge to stand and wax about the man eternally. When it finally got to his turn the man rose, looked around and said. “I’ve read about people who are taken to hospital suffering from burns. Now I know what it means!”