Friday, November 30, 2012

BSNYC Friday Seventeen Minute Drum Solo!

Believe it or not, being a semi-professional bike blogger isn't as glamorous as you might think. The truth is that I put my pants on one leg at a time--when I do wear pants, which I usually don't, which is one of the more glamorous aspects of this job. Otherwise, I have worldly concerns just like the rest of you people. I have to polish the marble Cipollini statues here at the Wildcat Rock Machine mansion. I have to skim the surface of the indoor pool for used prophylactics. I have to launder the togas so tomorrow evening's guests at least have the illusion of cleanliness.

Once in a great while though I do manage to slip away for a short lunchtime ride. Back when I lived in Brooklyn, that usually meant going to Prospect Park:

I absolutely love Prospect Park. It has a zoo. I've seen hawks picking apart dead animals there. It's a great place to have a wine-soaked white people picnic.

However, riding in it is something else. Between racing and just plain riding I've probably circled the Prospect Park loop a thousand million hundred times. About ten years ago I reached the point that I could barely complete a lap without falling asleep, and since then the only way I've been able to get around the damn thing is by slapping myself repeatedly in the face. To this day, as I fall asleep my legs twitch and spin in exactly the rhythm and cadence it takes to propel a bike around Prospect Park. This will probably be my death spasm. And the most interesting aspect of the park from a cycling perspective is this tiny bit of an incline, where people like these shout "Hold your line!" at you for no apparent reason:

(They actually shouted "Hold your line!" at me even though my line was being held securely by me.)

Well, yesterday a window opened for a lunchtime ride, and because I don't live in Brooklyn anymore I didn't go to Prospect Park. Instead, I went here, which is close to where I live now:

It was a lot more fun than Prospect Park. The possibility of a lunchtime mountain bicycle cycling ride has been my dream for many years, and it's finally become a reality. Granted, it was a pretty long lunch, but whatever. I lubed my chain with tears of joy. The only problem is that a lifetime spent living and cycling on a giant sandy glacial deposit has made me an utter wussbag when it comes to riding over rocks:

(If it's so easy then you go over it.)

I actually caught myself wishing I had a full suspension bike, and then I blanched at the realization that I have now been transformed into a person who covets both a folding bike and a full suspension bike. I mean really, there's clearly no hope for me now, I should have just buried myself alive in those woods. But instead, I fashioned a switch with a sapling branch and whipped myself repeatedly in the thigh until I came to grips with the fact that buying your way out of a fear of riding over rocks is the coward's way out, and that I need to hike up my breeches and work with what I've got. (Which is a perfectly good bike with a suspension fork and a bad case of sucking at riding bikes.)

I did, however, determine that wider handlebars would be a worthwhile upgrade, since the ones I was using on that bike were narrow vestiges of a time when bikes had 26-inch wheels and I fancied myself fast, and I also really like the wide handlebars on my Engin, which I was not riding at the time because I felt like being able to shift. So after the ride I went to a bike shop and bought some wider handlebars, and wouldn't you know it, they had folding bikes! In particular, they had Terns:

(Wine-soaked white person in mid-flight.)

I took one out for a ride and it actually felt pretty darned good, though I'm not sure it folds up small enough for my taste. Call me paranoid, but you never know when you're going to have to secret a bicycle in your own rectum, and when it comes down to that every fraction of a cubic centimeter counts, believe you me.

And now, I'm pleased to present you with a quiz. As always, study the item, think, and click on your answer. If you're right then HOLY FUCKING CRAP!!!, and if you're wrong then you'll see cycling.

I spent a month in Albania in 1999 reporting on the Kosovo war. It is, frankly, a fairly miserable place. But the thing that stuck with me was how terrible the roads were. The main road from one end of the country to the other was like the "old road" they show in the video. There were memorials everywhere to people who'd died when their vehicles plunged down hillsides.

I am delighted for Albania that it now has proper roads.

However, I'm still not sure I'd recommend it for a vacation, nor would I be that keen on cycling anywhere in the Balkans. The drivers make New York City's lot seem like Copenhageners.

Yeah, I tried two of NYCeWHEELS' Terns at one of those summer Sundays Park Ave shutdowns. Majorly, majorly nicer ride than my '07 Dahon. And folded up I think a Tern MIGHT fit in an Ikea bag. I gave my wallet to a disinterested grownup to hold until I recovered my self-control. Still riding the '07. It's terrific. It really is. Really.

Yeah, I tried two of NYCeWHEELS' Terns at one of those summer Sundays Park Ave shutdowns. Majorly, majorly nicer ride than my '07 Dahon. And folded up I think a Tern MIGHT fit in an Ikea bag. I gave my wallet to a disinterested grownup to hold until I recovered my self-control. Still riding the '07. It's terrific. It really is. Really.

The Wrong Answer Video did torture me with too many still shots of Fred's white bicycle cycling shoes. This contrasts with Babble's blog showing no less than three not-so-boring examples of footwear from her cavernous warehouse shoe/boot collection. Those wellies can work for dominatrix-ing in a pinch or three. By the way, shouldn't that one photo caption read, "me feeling good after seeing A fred?"

How did Rantwick ride between London, England, Wellington, New Zealand, and Adelaide, Australia in 58 fucking seconds while narrowly avoiding death-by-Peterbilt? Now that's a quiz question for you.

Aussie Girl: Hot.Albanian Commie-made Playgrounds: Not.

Damn, this coffee is waking me the fuck up. Oh yeah, another podio top spot for McFly. Congrats!

This shit JUST happened. A lady riding pal picked up a Trek 720 Hybrid at an estate sale and left it on my back porch at her lunch today for me to do some TLC on.My buddy down the street was on patrol saw some asshole leaving my house with it and called me and described it and I confirmed it and he ARRESTED HIS SORRY ASS ON THE SPOT!!!

Way to go Jordan. I thought we lived in a nice neighborhood.

I may need to move into Corrugation Estates like Snob down by the river.

so you did move to Inwood / Washington Heights you sneaky son of a bitch. Nice place, but i don't undertand why you need a folding bike there? unless you actually moved to bronx and were mountain bikecycling in van cortlandt park. I would guess the former.

Authors Tom and Dick write that Ford's body is a "miasmic mass" of flesh that shakes as he laughs. He emits an unmistakable smell: "The Ford's lardaceous body seemed to periodically release a greasy discharge, sending fresh waves of rotten stench" into the air. His swollen tongue drips with saliva as he feeds on creatures that resemble frogs and maggots. Ford's appetite is insatiable and he is not discriminatory about his diet. For example, his jester, must make him laugh once a day, every day, or Ford will eat him.

...re: the hyundai - "We were inspired by the proverb 'A rolling stone gathers no moss,'" said Chris Chapman"...

...i'd suggest they were inspired by the market researchers who extrapolated that a certain percentage of the 'fixed gear hipster' population would soon be coming into their trust funds & therefor have disposable cash at hand...

ce, I guess that makes me your personal trainer. I hope you managed to hit your lactate threshold and burned off some of that bitterness. I know I'd be bitter if I had to deal with that warm eucalyptusy air and annoying sunshine. Don't hate me because I get to splash through chilly puddles and get showered with near freezing rain. Your bill's in the mail. SPRINT! 100% 90 SECONDS! GO!

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Get a look at A-merica 2025 in Albania today. When the pawn brokers knock back your bonds. When China and Russia are sick of you begging for more time to pay. Roads start to crumble, schools have sheets of plastic to patch windows, hospitals turn away the poor and bicycles become a matter of necessity rather than bourgeois faddishness. But I'm sure your government will still see the wisdom in tax cuts for the wealthy and subsidizing conversion of food into car fuel.

...first interpreted & then performed by local legend terry bozzio along with frank z......(never met t-bozz but he went to high school a mile from my house & then college of marin)...

...no denying his creativity & technically, while bozzio was/is highly proficient on the kit (a massive kit that he's personally developed over the years), other than his work with his band missing persons, he wasn't a big favorite of mine...

...i was blessed to watch / hear / feel the music of my favorite jazz fusion drummer, mr billy cobham as i basically stood next to him onstage at a gig, nicely hidden behind the amps...(thank you, howard)...

...this, after having had dinner with the band after sound check...

...what a way to experience someone THAT fucking good...i don't even know how to describe it other than to say it was a delightfully fantastic experience...

g-roc, if it is any consolation, the air wasn't warm, it was hot and the only eucalyptussy was eucalyptussy smoke, and there was no riding of bikes, just winching out of helicopters. Actually, I really shouldn't be bitter, I love that shit.

It was a bit like this video featuring a 9 minute drum solo that I see someone has uploaded to YouTube. What is with their music selection? It's like the daggy arse provincial equivalent to a narcissistic hipster's sweet fixie edit. Oh well, at least it keeps the bass solo away.

Ahhh must be Highbridge. Quite a bit of history there. When the CLIMB folk were prepping it for trails, a cannonball was found. That's quite a leap, from laps around Prospect Park to Highbridge. Good luck and don't forget your antibiotics!!

in bike commuting related news - bike traffic within the city of Boston increased something like 35-40% between 2010 and 2012. At the current rate Boston's bike mode share could actually be around 10% by the end of the decade (within the city proper - this is not including Cambridge, currently 8%, and Somerville, currently 5%).

If you haven't been to Boston within the past year, you have no idea just how much ridership has exploded. I'm wondering if this is true in other cities...

Just one wee thing. I like the whole ...porn nomenclature thing, as in bikeporn, or shoeporn or whateverporn, and I sometimes use use a ...porn prhase cause it furthers my message, but in my experience, porn always involves an element of violence. Sometimes it's as simple as an attitude, but it's always there.

I'm all about the love, baby, and that's erotica, not pornographica. Fifty shades of loving discipline is hot. A kiss embeded with love is hot, even just a look, a gesture, a single, poingnant touch.

I had a similar aversion to rocks. Just take your time, walk over it at first, get used to mountain biking in general, and the eventual accretion of skills will have you over that pretty quick. The line is there, you just need the confidence to see it.

"bosstown?" how old are you? people haven't used that term since the 70s.

yeah - I don't think snobby hasn't been to Boston in a while - things have changed pretty significantly just within the past year. (and I think the NYC bike share will have a similar effect there).

ps - if the bike share actually happens next spring - be prepared for some even more ramped up crazy anti-cyclist shit. unfortunately I don't think those super heavy under-geared bikes are going to make it up to snobby's new digs fast enough to convince him not to get a folder.

I apologize for hijacking the genital and boob-related comments to share my excitement over the recent numbers. never mind me - carry on.

...it's a fact that they met & i'm betting she was wily enough to initiate an assignation despite their disparate backgrounds & i'm betting he was a smart enough man to indulge & enjoy the consumation...

Dang Babble I have resorted to all manner of counter-measure to keep from impregnating the opposite sex but that Ostrich did the equivalent of running from the room with root-oil still spewing forth from his member.

Never waste a money-shot.

Especially when the target has moisture resistant feathers.

Although...he does not have opposing thumbs so I guess he could make his case........

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!