Thanks, WillyNilly, Yvaine and Rohanna for explaining the cake-cutting thing. I don't think that's something I've ever seen in person.

The last two weddings I went to didn't even have cake, much to my disappointment. I love cake! I'm in the Western World (to use Rohanna's phrasing) -- I live in Canada -- so perhaps the cake cutting ritual is a generational thing that I've missed out on?

If your experience matches the OP's, and she reasonably expected that all of her guests would know the ritual (unlike me), I can see why she was confused.

My extended family is in Canada, and the family weddings I've attended in Ontario had a cake-cutting ceremony. This would have been cousins' weddings, from the 80s to the present. Not sure how old you are, but I am 51.

The kicker for me on waiting, even if I had never been to a wedding before and didn't know about cake cutting, would be that there wasn't anything on the table to cut the cake with aside from dinner knives. That's what we call in my world a clue.

I'm on a cake forum where it's widely recognised that if you have different flavours of cake, you'll need more servings because people will often want to try the different flavours available.

If it was me, I wouldn't have cut the cake early, but I think once you put cake in front of people, on their table, you lose a fair bit of control over when it's eaten.

Thanks! I didn't really think people would still have room for cake after all the food, but they did (which I'm so glad because I dreaded having to head home with tons of cake).

About the premature cake-cutting -- sorry, I wasn't clear. The guests at that table didn't serve themselves the cake; one of the guests at that table cut a chunk out of the cake from the bottom then tried to downplay what she did after they got caught with their cake cut into prematurely (it was announced both on our FB page and on our wedding website that no table cake-cutting was taking place until after the wedding cake-cutting). I really don't fault the other five guests at that table, just the one (I described the age range because I wouldn't have expected such behavior from adults, much less older adults; sadly, apparently, one of these adults is a bit of a boor, which I didn't know before DH invited her and is the person DH strongly suspects cut into the cake and is also the person who tried to make light of what happened when I encountered the prematurely cut cake).

Fortunately, I believe our photographer got pictures of all the cakes before this occurred (I hope so, anyway; we'll see when he sends us the pictures).

Actually if he didn't and got a pic of the partially eaten cake, I'd totally be including that in the wedding pics. That's a fun story you'll be giggling about 15 yrs from now. The other cakes are pretty, but that one has "A Story"

The only glitch was that, despite telling guests that the table cake cutting would not occur until after the wedding cake cutting (and holding back the cake servers from the tables until right before the wedding cake cutting), there was one table that decided to do it anyway (and it was a table full of four middle-aged to senior adults -- no children poked the cakes; the CHILDREN were perfectly behaved). Fortunately, I was too busy to care that much and moved on quickly (there was nothing I could do at that point, but I will admit that the behavior left me with a not-so-good first impression since I knew none of these guests).

Honestly? I think that it's their centerpiece and their cake--if they wanted to get started early, I'm not quite sure why it's that important.

I suppose it affects the ambience in the room as a whole, but I just don't think it's a big deal.

I am so glad this worked out. This had been in the plan for my wedding.

Then I found a great bakery where I could get the cake I wanted for 70 people for around $80. An old-fashioned 3-tier cake with the layers stacked directly on top and real buttercream. Sometimes it pays to not care about fashion.

I am so glad this worked out. This had been in the plan for my wedding.

Then I found a great bakery where I could get the cake I wanted for 70 people for around $80. An old-fashioned 3-tier cake with the layers stacked directly on top and real buttercream. Sometimes it pays to not care about fashion.

That is super cheap! Be careful you don't end up with a cake wrecks cake.

I am so glad this worked out. This had been in the plan for my wedding.

Then I found a great bakery where I could get the cake I wanted for 70 people for around $80. An old-fashioned 3-tier cake with the layers stacked directly on top and real buttercream. Sometimes it pays to not care about fashion.

That is super cheap! Be careful you don't end up with a cake wrecks cake.

Oh, no. It was amazing! And it tasted good too. I think the price was that it was ordered as a "anniversary cake", that it wasn't fashionable fondant and the decorating specifications were "offwhite buttercream decorations on offwhite buttercream frosting. No dots and some white flowers on top."

We were also supposed to pick it up that morning. But, he decided to leave his shop early to deliver another wedding cake, and my place was on the way, so he delivered it.

Perhaps a small sign next to each cake stating that "cake servers will be delivered during the cake cutting ceremony." It would be a signal that guests were being asked to wait but using positive language.

I personally would not have cut the cake unless told to do so. It still is a centerpiece. Guests are often urged to take a centerpiece-sometimes it is awarded as a prize. Sometimes they are not given out. They belong to the HC. Even if it was up for grabs I would wait until after the cake cutting as that signals the (beginning of the) end of the reception.

The only glitch was that, despite telling guests that the table cake cutting would not occur until after the wedding cake cutting (and holding back the cake servers from the tables until right before the wedding cake cutting), there was one table that decided to do it anyway (and it was a table full of four middle-aged to senior adults -- no children poked the cakes; the CHILDREN were perfectly behaved). Fortunately, I was too busy to care that much and moved on quickly (there was nothing I could do at that point, but I will admit that the behavior left me with a not-so-good first impression since I knew none of these guests).

Honestly? I think that it's their centerpiece and their cake--if they wanted to get started early, I'm not quite sure why it's that important.

I suppose it affects the ambience in the room as a whole, but I just don't think it's a big deal.

Uh, no, it's not. Not a big deal to you, but it wasn't your wedding reception and if you read/reread one of my posts on the first page, I forgot about it after I walked away from the table and hadn't thought about it again until a few days after my wedding (mentioning because it didn't color my experience for the rest of my reception).

Perhaps a small sign next to each cake stating that "cake servers will be delivered during the cake cutting ceremony." It would be a signal that guests were being asked to wait but using positive language.

I personally would not have cut the cake unless told to do so. It still is a centerpiece. Guests are often urged to take a centerpiece-sometimes it is awarded as a prize. Sometimes they are not given out. They belong to the HC. Even if it was up for grabs I would wait until after the cake cutting as that signals the (beginning of the) end of the reception.

This, which the other 70+ guests understood.

I seriously considered using small signs at the tables, but I thought about this forum and figured it would be too controlling and a little off-putting to the guests according to things I've read here in the past about how much "direction" to give the guests (and, again, given it was *one* guest who did this, I'm glad I opted against the signs -- I figured the info on the FB page and website would be sufficient...which it was for everyone else). Overall, both wedding and reception were pretty casual in their execution, and I tried to maintain that sort of atmosphere so everyone would have a good time. Over two months later, and we are still getting compliments about the cake idea (that's how much people loved it).

Sure, once I get them from the photographer AKA one of DH's best friends (he and his wife just had another baby so I anticipate it could be several months before we see our pictures, which is fine since he was doing us a favor).

I'm glad I read this thread, because if there was a cake sitting on my table the whole time at the reception, it would not have occurred to me that I wasn't supposed to eat it whenever I was ready to. I guess I wouldn't have connected "cake sitting on my table" with "wedding cake that the bride and groom cut." To me they would have been two totally separate things--yes, at all the weddings I've attended, the bride and groom cutting their cake is a big thing, but I would never have realized they had dominion over all cakes at the reception. I'm afraid the only thing that would have kept me from tackling that cake on my table was not wanting to look greedy to the other guests by being the first to suggest cutting the cake!

For brides planning to use this idea in the future (and I think it sounds like a lot of fun, especially if you're going to invite me!) I think a couple of cards at the table asking people to please not eat "the centerpiece" until later would be a good idea, just in case it doesn't occur to anyone at the table to wait.

This is exactly what I was trying to say. You put it perfectly. It just wouldn't have occurred to me that the cakes on the table were somehow extensions of THE Wedding Cake (maybe if they each had three tiers and a bride and groom on top). It would just have looked to me like the dessert, which happened to be cake, and we were supposed to serve ourselves.

As to wanting the centerpieces to last -- well, how many more minutes are we even talking about here? I really don't think it would affect the look of the room appreciably.

I like your wording for a card.

Do we even know they waited till after dinner? I'm picturing them digging in before dinner, maybe while waiting for dinner. And I think the lack of cake servers might have also been a clue.

When we visited the tables, which was as the guests were getting up to get their dinner, the cake had not been cut into. I suppose, thinking about it now, that would've been a good time to verbally remind everyone not to cut into the cake (and, actually, I might've done that with a few tables; I don't actually remember). If I'd thought about it back then AND known about the one guest (DH wasn't surprised by her behavior), I would've made sure to mention it to that one table. Oh, well.

I'm still trying to understand, though, why you cared when people cut and ate the cakes at their tables? I know I am missing something. Really, I am sure you did have a good reason. And it worked out beautifully, and your guests had a great time, and that is what is important.

If you (general "you") put food on their table, I think you have to expect that people are going to eat it when they want to, without knowing they are supposed to wait for some kind of signal, same for the dessert as for a basket of rolls or a dish of nuts or candies, all of which I often see on tables at wedding receptions. (Not if it were The Wedding Cake, of course.) At a Jewish wedding, usually someone (often Grandpa) makes the blessing over bread (=the meal), and there are always a few people who don't know or forget or don't care and get into the bread baskets or salads on their tables before that, and the sky doesn't fall. But really the only way to avoid it would be not to put anything out until you want people to eat it. That would ruin your terrific idea of using the cakes as centerpieces, though (that is SO clever).

I've been to many luncheons where the desserts are already on the table when you sit down, for logistical reasons, I guess. You just eat it when you're ready for it. If I'd been at your wedding, I wouldn't have guessed you intended anything different from what I was used to seeing.

I'm not sure what would be the best way to ask people to wait. Maybe a little card on the table saying something like, "Please cut this cake along with us when we cut our wedding cake" or something like that (I'm trying to avoid something phrased in the less-hospitable "wait" or "do not" kind of wording). I do feel that mentioning it on the website isn't enough. Some people might have looked at the site before such details were posted. And even those who look later may miss it; wanting "to know more about the happy couple" does not always translate to reading every word of every page of a (frequently lengthy) wedding website. I'm sure you didn't mean to say that guests who don't read them thoroughly don't care about the brides and grooms as much as you do.

I would worry the cake would dry out as it sat for another hour or two. Not to mention, with no cake server, it probably cut the cake unevenly. Usually, cakes are portioned to ensure everyone gets a piece--and portions are smaller than the average person would usually cut. So she could very well have been taking more than her share. Not to mention sanitariness. Did she wash her hands? Wear gloves? Use a clean knife? And, the fact that she attempted to hide it proves that she knew it was wrong.

According to the bakery's website, the cakes would be okay to sit at room temp for up to 2-3 hours (I don't remember which; I just remember timing the cake cutting so it didn't occur outside of the maximum time). They were all completely iced so drying out wasn't a concern and, once people started eating the cakes, they didn't last long enough to dry out.

It really was a fun idea (one I won't let one guest ruin for me). I'd love to do it again if I had an occasion to do so. It's over two months later, and we still get raves from those in attendance about how much they loved the idea. It's funny how an idea that was born of my refusal to spend a mint on the wedding cake resulted in being one of the two highlights of our reception (the other being the roasted whole pig).