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Despite X years of training, Aikido does not, cannot, make you (one?) something you're (one's?) not. Part of the reason I took it up was because of my natural tendancy to undermine myself at every step, in just about everything I do outside of the climbing wall. The trouble is I am so used to doing that now, that it (it being the miraculous transformation from easily angered, insecure person with pronounced doormat tendancies and the organisational capacity of a lamp post, to invicible sword goddess (don't ask - ed.)) is not happening like I thought it would.

I still have a whole heap of issues with confidence (especially my tendancy to follow blindly/take what I'm given rather than adapting or fighting for something better ) but I will try and take the positive feeling about my grading into other ares of my life!!

If I'm honest I guess I'm in a rather quickly developed post grading slump. Not about my aikido, I'm enjoying the freedom to make things up and try things out, but in everything else.

hmm... Tea! I need a nice cup of tea and a sit down me thinks! That and a hug. Mainly because I can't drink after the Cider I could really do with.

Any advice for the next stage? Is there a next stage? If this was a hollywood film the next new student I tripped over at the Dojo would change my life. I'll get back to you on that one!

At least in America we're all used to fast and quick fixes, probably because no one likes the feeling of uncertainty you are talking about. Take it slow and enjoy it. You'll get used to taking things at a slower pace and can be more meaningful in the long run.