Literary mash-ups, revisions, rewrites, whatever you want to call them--they're nothing new, but lately they've grown in popularity, especially the spoofs where sections of the original text are interspersed with sections of new text, as opposed to a new version (Emma vs. Clueless); true parody (Lord of the Rings vs. Bored of the Rings) or sequel (Gone With The Wind vs. Scarlett). Here are 13 mash-ups I hereby FORBID anyone to write or publish:

2. The Secret Garden of Chulhu (one trip into the garden, and you never come back out of it, much less learn to walk after being bedridden for years)

3. Ulysses and The Flower Fairies (Ulysses himself might have been the walking dead, as evidenced by his erratic thought patterns, but flower fairies?)

4. A Tale of Two Cities: One Vampire, One Lycan (It was the best of times in publishing because more people were reading, it was the worst of times in publishing because the economy was bad anyway, it was the age of vampires, it was the age of werewolves, it was the epoch of Meyer, it was the epoch of Hollywood, it was the season of light and the vampires had to stay out of it, it was the season of darkness which is when the full moon brought out the hairy crazies, it was the spring of I hope I can find something good to read, it was the winter of oh my God not another one of those damned rewrites...)

5. Treasure Island: Now Without Any Pirates! (I mean, what is the POINT?)

6. War and Peace and Godzilla (in its defense the book would be a lot shorter)

7. The Digitally Edited Picture of Dorian Grey (a novel / Photoshop handbook, which has no monsters but it still shouldn't be published)

8. Emma and the Incubus (or has this been done already?)

9. The Scarlet Letter and the Color Blind Ghoul (he didn't care about Hester's social status...he just wanted dinner)

So Mary are you saying this was a WASTE of my presumed overabundance of time?? Because I feel it's very important to take these mash-ups out of the running. Especially the one about Frankenstein. DO NOT WANT!

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