Friday, August 15, 2008

Where The Streets Have No Shame: Keeping Up With the Trends

If you're not from New York (or if you're like me and you generally ignore the news), you may not know that a bill is in the works that would ban drivers from texting on their cellphones, handheld organizers, electronic Twinkies, or whatever else people are using to send and receive text messages, within the New York City limits. Frankly, I had just assumed texting while driving was already illegal in New York, just like talking on a cellphone while driving is. I mean, why would one be legal and not the other? Moreover, texting is way more distracting than just talking. I don't think you should be allowed to do anything with your cellphone while you're driving, but you can at least still look at the road while you're talking. Allowing texting but not talking while driving is like saying it's OK to carry a gun and to shoot people with it, but you can't use the gun to bludgeon anybody.

Law or no law, driving while using a cellphone is still a major problem here in New York, and a high percentage of the drivers who cut me off, back into me, stop abruptly in front of me, or slowly merge into me like they're trying to perform reverse cellular mitosis are also doing something with a cellphone. (Usually, that involves cradling them lovingly in the folds of their neck fat.) Which is why I was pleased to encounter this gentleman:

You'd just expect a fellow with slicked-back hair driving a vintage Mercedes convertible on a summer day in downtown Manhattan to be talking on a cellphone, but he wasn't. And I say, "Good for him!" In fact, I'm thinking about doing a series of PSAs in which I try to convince drivers they can still flaunt their vehicles and themselves without using cellphones while they do it, and if I do I'm using this guy for the first ad. The copy could say something like:

"Bret Easton Ellis called. He wants his main character back. But this guy didn't answer. Why? Because he knows convertibles and hair gel are cool, but talking and texting while driving isn't. So be cool. Don't drive distracted."

Plus, when you've got a cellphone stuck to the side of your head all the time, you tend to miss some of the riches the streets of New York (or in this case, of Brooklyn) have to offer. Like this:

Yup, a genuine "Hino," for the low, low price of $110. I would have called the owner myself, but I was behind the wheel of my Hummer and I didn't want to break the law by using my cellphone--especially while driving on the sidewalk, where you need to pay extra-close attention.

You also miss gems like this:

Fixedgeargallery and Velospace are fine, but fixed-gears are also naturally occurring and sometimes the best ones are out there in the wild. To see one this nice though you have to come to Brooklyn. (There's no way the owner of this bike ever takes it into Manhattan, because that chain wouldn't last a second there. You might as well just tie the bike to a tree with a pair of pantyhose.) I'm particularly "feeling" the padding on both the top tube and the stem, the thermal sippy cup, and the cosmetic wrapping around the seat cluster. Note also the front wheel is unlocked despite ample chain slack, in keeping with the current style.

This is the sort of thing that corporations like The Great Trek Bicycle Making Company try to appropriate, reproduce, and sell, but simply can't. Take this bike, for example, which was forwarded to me by a reader:

challenge:

design the ultimate urban assault bike

welcome to the district.

the fast own the streets and they live [obscured by downward-tilted saddle]

don't get caught and don't die.

hang on if you can.

or get back to the 'burbs.

I'm glad to see Trek have picked some of the goofier elements of urban fixed-gear bicycles, divorced them from their ostensible purposes, and welded them together into this...thing. Looking at this, I feel like Kramer's fake boss at Brant Leland: "I don't know what this is supposed to be." Is it for going fast in a straight line? Some sort of drag bike, maybe? Do people who live in cities want bikes with long wheelbases that aren't designed to turn quickly? Is the 650c for mad bar spinzzz? Will it clear the downtube? Or is it just to be aero? What's the point of the rear brake only? What's the point of any of it?!? And why is a company from Wisconsin implying that anybody who's understandably too afraid to ride this contraption needs to "get back to the 'burbs?" Do they even have cities in Wisconsin from which to retreat?

We've seen gorilla bikes again and again; however, in this case I don't think that's what's riding this bike. Instead, I think it's somebody who's slowly training his body so that one day he may engage in the ancient and elusive practice of autofellatio. If this bike was photographed in front of a yoga studio then that will clinch it for me. By the time those bars reach the front axle I wouldn't expect to see this guy leaving his house much anymore.

...since the frame is 62cm it requires a very long steer tube and the one the fork came with wasn't long enough so with some help from my uncle I had a solid piece of aluminum turned down on the lathe to the exact diameter as the 1 1/8 steer tube on both the inside and outside out the pipe, then it was welded throughly around the seem and now it's very solid and an inch and a half longer. Since the frame is intended for an integrated headset and the fork I had wasn't integrated I had to machine down the standard 1 1/8 threadless headset down just enough to drop it in the frame only the upper cup need work, them I filled the gap where the internal bearings should have been with some tight fitting o rings and buttoned it all together.

Firstly, I'm pretty sure if Leader make a 62cm bike they'll also sell you a fork to go with it. Secondly, I'm also pretty sure a fork couldn't care less whether it's used with a standard or an integrated headset, provided it's got the right race on it. In any case, this baby's had more front-end butchery than Jennifer Grey. I'd be even more afraid to ride it than that Trek thing. I guess I need to get back to the 'burbs.

But how can I? There are just so many great things to see here. Especially in Brooklyn, which has become so trendy that people on Bedford Ave. are now--quite literally--wearing trash bags:

I hear Brett Easton Ellis called and wants his brief moment in time when we all mistakenly believed he had literary talent back. Sorry dude, there's only room for one Michael Chabon in this world, and you aren't it. And come to think of it, Michael Chabon doesn't seem to be it any more either.

As for Jennifer Grey... man, she's one hot lookin' Chinese lady. Nobody puts baby's upward-slanting almond-shaped eyes in a corner. Geez, if her forehead skin got any tighter you could read her mind.

...onna real note, yer quite right bsnyc/rtms...who'd a thunk texting wasn't included as illegal when it is obviously way more dangerous than just talking on the fone...

...the law should read that if you have an accident, yer cell fone account can be accessed & if it's proven you were on the fone at the time, you are held responsible, no matter who is 'technically' at fault...

That Trek bike has clear design influence from Lance Armstrong or someone else without testicles.

hang on if you can.or get back to the 'burbs.Harden the fuck up

This should be on a sign on every tunnel and bridge into Manhattan.

BTW snob, bad news, Mr. Dippity Doo in the Mercedes-fer-da-ladies was on a hands-free, one of those new anal blue-tooth models with fart to message. and Patrick Ewing called, he wants his car back to the Southfork (oh fuck, I'm old).

Oh, and check out this week's Velonews editorials on fixies and why bike shop owners should not sell brakeless fixies to "hipsters". Get real, like crack dealers shouldn't sell glass pipes.

Sasquatch update II: today is the big press conference in Georgia revealing DNA evidence in the Sasquatch found there. One can only wonder who they are comparing the DNA to, or if anyone in Georgia even knows what DNA is, but early rumors have it linked to a missing person named Kyle.Some are suggesting it may be a hoax, like dinosaurs or something.

Snobby, you sure seem to mention "the great Trek Bicycle Making Company" often. Here is my stab at Snobs Identity. I think he works for "the Great ...." and this blog has more in common with how to avoid the bummer life then we thought. I little "negative" press never hurt anyone.

Grey was also in "Life of Brian". Jennifer Grey lost all her acting talent when they chopped off her nose. It's a Sampson kinda thing. Little known fact, her nose is now a USA tourism kiosk at the Beijing Olympic village.

When NY passed the law:New York State has passed a law that does not allow you to use a hand-held mobile telephone while you drive. If you use a hand-held mobile telephone while you drive, except to call 911 or to contact medical, fire or police personnel about an emergency, you can receive a traffic ticket and pay a maximum fine of $100 and mandatory surcharges of $50.The only people at the time that text'd were pre-hipsters living in Williamsburg. Now those pre-hipsters are now hipsters who drive Minis and text all their hipster friends about all the hip things going on in hip Williamsburg. Incidentally, there are hipsters up here in CT, only they congregate in New Haven.

I bet, some smart hipster lawyer got popped for driving while texting and went to court and argued that the law says mobile telephone and he (or she) was actually using his (or her) mobile communication device. You know how those lawyers get with semantics, or is that technicalities? Like OJ.

Now the law has to be re-written to cover all forms of communication devices.

Now who is going to come up with the first hands free texting device? You could use your hipster buddy sitting in the car next to you, or just get a handsfree device (or not) because it seems only a small percentage of people adhere to the law both here and NY, and make the call!

First, on the list of things to see in Brooklyn, add yesterday's flop and chop bike with the suicide brake levers. It was chained up one block from my home last night. I assume it was the same bike. This can't be a trend, can it?

But who knew? Maybe that was the bike the Post article meant to identify as the official bike of messengers and Williamsburg hipsters.

Finally, it looks like you were on Bedford in last night's thunderstorm. I think we're in for a repeat tonight. Hope you stay dry. I may duck out early to avoid the weather. Heck, I've got a good excuse. Today is my birthday.

That Trek "District" looks a wee bit different than the one posted on Bicycle Design from Trek 09--see here: http://bicycledesign.blogspot.com/2008/08/designs-from-trek-world-09.html

(Keep in mind that orange is an ironic color that always means pumpkin and everyone know pumpkins turn back into themselves at midnight... All I'm trying to say is that you'd need the accompanying glass slippers to ride this thing, or you should go back to the 'burbs.)

dude, not to alarm you but i think those are alpaca hooves sticking out from under that trash bag and NOT drunk hipster girl legs.

also, it appears that the owner of that bike cut the "k" out of "kills" making it say "this machine ills hipsters". judging by the brakeless wonder that just rode by my house i would have to disagree with that statement, though it is making me feel sick!

I'm pretty sure this Anon 2:11 is the same guy who invented the artificial kidney that was on You Tube a while back, before the pharmaceutical companies made him take it down. Or was it the Potato Growers Association?

anon 2:11, one's right to privacy ends when their SUV is on top of another's right to not be run over by an unattentive driver. You idiots keep using the "right to privacy" thing like it's completely seperate from all the other aspects of society. If I want to keep a twelve year old malaysian boy as a sex slave in my house, should I be able to under your right to privacy?

If you want, we can discuss your "right to know" next.

I do agree with you on one point though, your comments have a right to privacy. As a matter of fact, I'll take it one step further and say they have a duty to privacy. So do us all a favor and save them for yourself.

Texting and unlimited cell phone minutes are creating a generation of social retards. I graduated from college in '92 and then went back part-time for my Master's in 2003. In that time, cell phones had become ubiquitous (I hate that word) and the behavior of the kids on campus changed radically. Now they barely make eye contact with one another and at least 50% of them are either on the phone or texting while walking to class. I doubt if they ever meet any new people because they are too busy keeping in constant contact with the people they have known since kindergarten. Dorks like me used to be able to re-invent ourselves and cut the ties from our past when we went off to college. Kids nowadays better carfully choose their 7th grade sweetheart, because she will have them balls by a short electronic leash until they are about 23.

I am a 52yr.old women who commutes to work on her bike.(32 miles one way) I love reading about cell phones and drivers honking and people not caring about another human life. Most motorist would slow down for a dog, horse or even a small child, but not a cyclist. Thanks for all your insight.

On Mugatu, I could not resist posting this (well, I could, but didn't). Should be called Knitsnob. Just read it, she's funny: http://knitpowerstopeace.blogspot.com/2005/08/mugatus-derelict-campaign-from.html

I will say though that I don't think I was being harsh (except maybe to Jennifer Grey). I was simply pointing out some mistakes, particularly the fact that forks don't care whether frames have integrated headsets or not, and his would have probably mated just fine with the frame without having to modify the headtube or headset (I'm a little unclear as to which he did from the post).

For better or for worse, Fixedgeargallery has become an informational resource for new riders, and I don't see any reason not to point out a bit of misinformation on it that shouldn't be propagated. Having the right information can save people money and time, and also results in a safer bike.

I also see no reason not to point out a mistake because of a person's age. (I did not notice any indication of the owner's age in the post, by the way, but perhaps I missed it.)

I will say good for him for getting his hands dirty and for getting his bike together. I hope he enjoys it and learns from it and keeps on riding.

That was a pretty ambitious "first bike project" or whatever. As Snob points out, the mistakes should not be ignored. Talk about doing it the hard way! Making things work together when they were not originally intended to is one of the black arts a good bike mechanic needs to master, but it has to be done well or you will indeed end up with something dangerous or at least troublesome. I don't know what job the o-rings are supposed to be doing in this example, and I don't want to know. I don't see any good reason not to start off with the proper length steer tube and the appropriate headset. I've seen a couple of failed attempts at extending steer tubes, both done by people who should have known better. Fortunately, no one was injured in either case, but what a dumb place to take such risks!

I think our Snob was reasonable in his comments about this bike, and he did not go out of his way to be critical.

If you read "first project bike" you will also see that the "kid from Boise" bought the fork from ebay and the steerer was too short. The stresses on a sterrer are terrific, it is almost a forgone conclusion that the either the headset will fail due to the poor trueness of the steerer or the weld will fail. Someone needed to warn the "kid from Boise".

I think theres a fixed gear street bike being sold here in denver called "Brooklyn (something "cool" like style, mobster, etc)"It is the ugliest bike ever but it does have some sort of latte holder, so im just a little envious....

my biggest problem with bike snob's reporting... she doesnt realize or acknowlege that people are behaving this way because they are desperate and have no lives or way to create identity and so they are grasping at straws and bikes are the newest straws... this is basically what happened to US culture, bunch of suckers desperate for the flashiest lollipop around.but this is our culture, sadly enough.

I think what you saw was a Specialized Langster Chicago version...it's called the "Gangster". The New York version is painted up like a taxi cab. The only one made in NYC I can think of is Brooklyn Machine Works. I saw a pre-built fixie I sort of liked at Salvagetti on Speer Blvd.a while back. It was a Jamis Sputnik - actually a decent looking bike compared to the abominations that Specialized's marketing dept. seems to think people want to ride.

Frilly, I think Aaron Piersol might have been doing that, but it's hard to argue with the logic, I suppose. After all, someone is always winning the TdF. It happens at least once a year, but eight Olympic gold medals? Wow! That's more than most countries bring home.

I think Texas only has one, so far, but I ain't really been payin' attention.

Shit, I'd give you $5 just to get the pie plate OFF my '88 Trek. The hub is a Maillard Helicomatic and I don't have the tool to remove the freehub lockring. On top of that, someone has tried to remove it with the wrong kind of tool and sort of crushed the lockring. The pie plate is even the yellowed plastic variety, not the large, shiny, ironic kind. Damn the French.

The past is gone and static. Nothing we can do will change it. The past is gone and static. Nothing we can do will change it. Everything we do will affect it guild wars 2 gold sale, you laugh at me for being different, but I laugh at you for being the same sale guild wars 2 gold, The consequences of today guild wars 2 gold sale are determined by the actions of the past. To change your future, alter your decisions today .

D3 Gold Sale it takes strength to be polite to someone when that person has been rude to you, D3 Gold it takes strength to persist in the face of obstacles, when it would be much easier to simply give up Buy D3 Gold, It takes strength to do what must be done when the work is unpleasant and uncomfortable.

About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!