Mockery 30 Borderline Insane Pieces Of Advice Gwyneth Paltrow Has Given The World

List Rules Vote for the most insane pieces of advice from Gwyneth Paltrow's blog.

Goop is a blog curated by Gwyneth Paltrow and a place where she navigates from the mundane to the downright bizarre. With unrelatable and often ridiculous advice, she jumps from how to make a bed to the phenomenon that is vaginal steaming. She just can’t seem to get a handle on any of the meat in the middle, and her veganism isn’t even to blame for it. What's the weirdest Gwyneth Paltrow diet and lifestyle advice on Goop? There's lots of it.

None of this is to say she’s a bad person, it just would appear that Paltrow, successful Hollywood actress that she is, has a complete and utter lack of awareness about herself and the real world. What's the deal with the Goop lifestyle, you ask? Well if there was a Euler diagram to showcase the relationship between what Paltrow thinks is necessary information vs. what the rest of the world thinks is necessary information, the circles literally wouldn’t touch. One must naturally assume that 95% of this Gwyneth Paltrow website readership must only be people hate-reading – there’s simply no other explanation for who is curious about her yachting weekend advice.

Since its inception, Goop.com has provided for much better fodder and mockery than advice. It is a safe place, not for fashion, hair, cooking, and life advice, but for all of Paltrow’s humblebrags, wish lists, and misguided attempts to connect to the plebian public in the most bourgeoisie way. The possibility that this is a massive, drawn out troll by the Queen of All Things Proper cannot be ruled out.

Trolling or not, Paltrow has created enough crazy content for us to line up and judge for ourselves. What is the most insane piece of advice on Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog? Let’s enter the exclusive world of Goop and pick a winner.

1 378 VOTES

Get Great Skin by Letting Bees Sting You, Advice That Killed A Woman

In 2018, an article in the Journal of Investigational Allergology revealed a 55-year-old woman died three years ago from something called apitherapy. This is a form of therapy in which a patient is intentionally stung by bees. Proponents claim it can reduce inflammation and scarring, but scientists and doctors find the therapy dangerous. In the article, authors P. Vazquez-Revuelta and R. Madrigal-Burgaleta state there is limited proof the therapy is safe and that it actually has great potential to be dangerous. This is especially true with repeated therapy, which could make someone much more sensitive to bee stings. The woman who died from the therapy had been receiving it every four weeks for two years. During the fatal session, she lost consciousness and died several weeks later.

As is par for the course for Paltrow and Goop, they've endorsed the treatment repeatedly even though it's widely regarded as dangerous by the scientific community. Paltrow has personally talked up the therapy both in Goop and a New York Times interview, in which she stated bee sting therapy is "pretty incredible."

Vagina Steaming Is a Great Idea

Photo: via Pinterest

According the Paltrow, the real golden ticket is a Mugworth V-Steam, whereby you “sit on what is essentially a mini-throne, and a combination of infrared and mugwort steam cleanses your uterus, et al.” She insists it’s “an energetic release – not just a steam douche.” Beyond this being the most ridiculous advice ever, it sounds like an awfully expensive way to poach an egg.

Eat Spirit Truffles to De-Calcify Your Pineal Gland and Learn ESP

Photo: via Wikimedia

Paltrow's recipe for Spirit Truffles possibly borders on illegal. In her own words, “the spirit dust feeds harmony and extrasensory perception through pineal gland de-calcification and activation.” Wait, these truffles give you ESP? Are we sure it’s not Angel Dust she’s asking us to mix in to these crazy person truffles?

A 24-Carat Gold Dildo

Photo: Lelo Not satisfied with your sex life? It's nothing $15,000 24-carat gold dildo can't fix! An article on Goop rounded up some "not-so-basic" sex toys that normal folks should totally spend their hard-earned cash on. A plastic set of handcuffs from the dollar store? WAY too basic. Instead, Gwyneth recommends a $189 pleasure set complete with silk cuffs and a blindfold, or a $535 whip. If that doesn't work, you could always pick up a $395 vibrating Kiki de Montparnasse necklace that doubles as nipple clamps.