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Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Kathy Brados: Hijacking Lives and Intimate Partner Violence

Over the weekend in Lake George, New York, Kathy Brados, 47 was gunned down as she prepared to take her personal items from the former marital residence with her estranged husband. The couple had recently divorced.

The most dangerous time in an intimate partner violence relationship is when those words are finally spoken out loud "it is over." The power and control by an abusive person be it a woman or a man begins to boil over time, like a volcano until it erupts.

The revolving door a victim enters for services is often no match for anyone determined to kill an individual for ending or leaving the relationship. Prosecutors, law enforcement and social service providers must now think outside the box of traditional services that are no longer effective. Across the country victims are multiplying and dying everyday.

Thinking outside the service box for all victims of intimate partner violence and stalking is now required. When you do what you have always done, the results and outcome will be the same.

We need to change up the landscape of specific steps towards safety and addresses critical issues that a person who is in fear of their lives may not think of as they end a relationship. It is time to change with the time's as it relates to safety plans and being 10 steps ahead of potential threats of injury and homicide. The safety plan initially created many years ago is outdated. We have learned so much in 30 years and it is time to implement safety strategies that are effective in saving lives.

After my mother was murdered in 1989, by my father a Chicago violent crimes detective, I looked at what worked and what did not as it related to violence in the home. Spending 18 years on a perpetual crime scene allowed me to cultivate strategies and techniques that worked to keep victims alive. Through the years more victims of intimate partner violence simply went missing. Cleverly erased by a boyfriend or husband who played a masterful game with law enforcement and prosecutors of "catch me if you can." Between the murders and those who go missing not much in the way of assistance for victims was in place. Until, now.

The guide is a life raft providing structure in the midst of chaos and it has kept many victims of intimate partner violence, to date, alive.

Among the tools and forms, is the procedure of an “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit”, a sworn statement detailing the facts of an individual’s victimization, preserving the specifics so they are not lost even if the victim is reported missing. It is difficult to think about speaking from the grave, but no different than any life insurance policy obtained in consideration for those left behind.

An “Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" and video has the additional psychological benefit of being forced to face reality and admit that the potential for the ultimate kind of violence exists…and that if it occurs the perpetrator will be held accountable.

The Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit: A Victim’s Voice(c)Domestic violence or intimate partner victims now are able to provide information, in their own words, about the fears, dangers, experiences they have had at the hands of their abuser. The" Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit" or "EAA" records victim's stories, histories, and experiences which are preserved and stored on their behalf. These videos will provide answers to the many questions, allegations, and fears that arise when a person has disappeared, gone missing, or been found dead.

Recent cases, such as missing mother Susan Powell of Utah, Kelly Rothwell of Florida, and women like Stacy Peterson, where the victim’s police officer husband is the person of interest, is the classic example of the benefits of this type of evidence. If Stacy Peterson, or any woman found murdered or is missing, had done an Evidentiary Abuse Affidavit, ON TAPE, from following the information in the “Time’s Up" book on a flash drive, they would be able to describe:

- threats made against her life or wellbeing, including details of how the perpetrator would carry out the threat- incidents of past abuse that the victim has endured- admissions or comments made to her about other victims or people abused- where evidence or weapons would or could be located- possible alibis that the perpetrator would make up in his defense (including identification of people who could be co-defendant’s or co-suspects)- portray visible injuries or marks

Just think if we incorporate an effective plan and have it available for every prosecutor, law enforcement, church, family law office and social service agency across the country, lives would be saved. And I wouldn't be writing about women similar to Kathy Brados, killed by a man hell bent on power and control.

Susan Murphy Milano is with the Institute for Relational Harm Reduction and Public Pathology Education. She is an expert on intimate partner violence and homicide crimes. For more information visithttp://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com/

Susan is the author of "Time's Up A Guide on How to Leave and Survive Abusive and Stalking Relationships," available for purchase at the Institute, Amazon.com and wherever books are sold. Susan is the host of The Susan Murphy Milano Show, "Time's Up!" on Here Women Talkhttp://www.herewomentalk.com/and is a regular contributor to the nationally syndicated The Roth Show with Dr Laurie Roth. Susan is a survivor- the daughter of a police officer family intimate partner homicide by her father who murdered her mother before committing suicide.

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