If Vince Vaughn Insists On Making This Brady Bunch Reboot, Then We Insist On Casting It Correctly

Oh, our noses! Look, we can’t stop Vince Vaughn from executive producing a Brady Bunch reboot. Seeing as how 21 Jump Street and 90210 were already taken, it was only a matter of time before someone reached even further back into the annals of television and noodled with the classic ’70s blended-family sitcom. According to Deadline, Vaughn’s update revolves around the conceit that the original show’s “youngest son Bobby Brady is divorced and remarried to a woman who also has first-marriage kids and the couple have their own child together.” There hasn’t been any casting news as of yet, which means there is still time for Vince Vaughn to read this post and act accordingly. If we’re going to do this, dude, then let’s do this right! By including actors and actresses like…

Christine Taylor as Carol 2.0: The Wedding Singer actress played Marcia in 1995’s The Brady Bunch Movie, now she has finally reached an age where she can play Marcia’s mom. (Well, on TV anyway.) We basically want her career to revolved entirely around the Brady Bunch, is what we’re saying.

Ashley Benson as Marcia: The Pretty Little Liars star needs to scale back her Queen Bee attitude to play Marcia, but not by a lot. There was always a hint of viciousness in those piercing blue eyes. Oh, no one else saw that but us? Very well then.

Taissa Farmiga as Jan: Slap some headgear on the American Horror Story actress and you have all the same painful awkwardness of the original Jan.

Keirnan Shipka as Cindy: Don Draper’s daughter would make an adorable, if somewhat more mature, youngest daughter. So what if she’s a teensy bit older than the original Cindy? There are no laws here in Reboot Town! Plus, girl will look good in curls.

And as for the gentlemen…

Nathan Fillion as Mike (Well…now Bobby): The Castle actor will bring the kind of intelligence and warm a divorced sitcom dad deserves. Plus, like the original Mike Brady Robert Reed, he’s a total dad babe.

Evan Peters as Greg: As a brunette, the American Horror Story actor would be perfect at setting off a million futile teen crushes.

Logan Lerman as Peter: Nice, self-effacing, secretly hotter than Greg: the Perks of Being a Wallflower star would make a great Peter. And since we’re following the grand tradition of casting 20-somethings as teens, we don’t even have to feel weird about pointing out his hotness!

Nolan Gould as Bobby: Nolan is basically already playing Bobby as the dippy Luke on Modern Family. He could film on his off days!

And finally…

Ellen DeGeneres as Alice the maid: Okay, this will never, ever happen in a million years. But oh, if it did…

Jon C. Reilly as Sam the Butcher: Well, someone has to play Alice’s boyfriend! The new Alice can’t not have a meatman for a boyfriend! Are we right?