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11/19/2009

I presented an Art of Oral Sex workshop this past Sunday to women in the San Jose area. The workshop went well, had a great turnout, and the women seemed to generally enjoy themselves!

When preparing for a workshop or speaking engagement, I have a tendency to be over prepared. I do quite a bit of research to get the most up to date information, and always try to encourage others to participate.

I realized that I now have a crazy amount of blow job trivia, and will try to share as much of it as possible.

Did you know that your tongue is a muscle you can exercise to make it stronger and more powerful. In fact, you tongue has the ability to put an amazing 6 to 8 pounds of pressure on a man's penis.

More and more research is coming out (no pun intended) revealing that semen has anti-depressant qualities. I also learned that semen is, in fact, not a low carb liquid. According to my research, semen is mostly comprised of fruit sugars (fructose) and enzymes.

I know it can seem like much more, but the typical male ejaculation is the equivalent to 1 teaspoon. Men also typically need about 15 minutes to replenish their semen supply right after ejaculation.

For those of you wary of giving blow jobs, avoid drinking alcohol. You may think you are helping your body relax, but research shows that alcohol actually tightens the throat muscles. On the other hand, orange juice has been cited as a beverage that helps suppress the gag reflex. If you want to try deep-throating, exhaling before taking his cock into your mouth can increase your oral capacity by 33%. Who knew?!

Yes, I found much of this information by doing research, and no I am not citing my sources. This is a blog people...my blog...not a freaking journal article! If you feel my information is grossly inaccurate then feel free to leave a comment. In all frankness, I will most likely delete it though. Seriously, if you don't like my blog posts then I highly suggest you start your very own blog!

11/07/2009

My 20th high school reunion is coming up in a couple weeks, and I won't be attending. When I first got the notice of it, I just assumed I would attend....after all, I did attend my 10 year reunion and that was quite a bit of fun. People had always told me that there is a HUGE difference (more fun I guess) in seeing people age between the 10 year and 20 year reunion, and thanks to the magic of facebook, it's relatively easy to see the effects that time have had on people.

I was fortunate to graduate from one of the best public high schools in the nation. New Trier High School had a lot of amazing extra-curricular activities, a ton of money, and was ideally located only a few blocks away from Lake Michigan. I never truly appreciated how lucky I was to have attended such an amazing high school until I went away to college. Most people were absolutely stunned at the size of my grade...I believe my graduating class had over 740 people! My school was simply too large to have homecoming and prom kings and queens. I was never popular enough to have had been a prom queen; I much preferred to float between the high school caste systems and never really being pegged into one particular category.

(senior portrait 1989)

(picture of me and my high school friend Ethan)

Looking back now, I guess it is pretty easy for me to see how little my personality has changed. I have always been incredibly curious about others, a huge flirt, and loved to talk about sex. I have to admit that there are a few people from high school who aren't on facebook that I am curious to find out about. You would be surprised at how much information you can gather from someone's facebook profile. Of course, there was always an unspoken expectation that the majority of my classmates would go on to achieve good things. Some are minor celebrities, and several went on to own their own companies, become venture capitalists, media producers or even hit it rich with the dot.com boom. Most look like they have healthy and happy families, and some, like me, have remained child free.

There are a couple surprises though, and by surprises I mean it looks like a few of the guys I went to school with procured themselves some "trophy" wives. Yes, perhaps that is a little mean to say, but I honestly don't remember these guys being particularly good looking, being super athletic, or having wonderful personalities...even so, a quick looksee at their facebook profiles show them with their stunning wives and (sometimes) families in exotic locations. Now, I am not totally suggesting that their wives married my former classmates only for their money or possible earning potential, but the thought did enter my (and other's) mind. Again, yes, I realize this is a bit mean, and I could be opening myself up to a bunch of hate mail. I also know that, despite my blog being very popular, I rarely ever get blog comments and you would be surprised at how little most of my former classmates even know or care about my profession as a sexuality speaker and dating and sex coach. The bottom line is that I am guessing most people will have no clue about this blog post :)

(Exotic Erotic Ball 2009)

All of the reunion talk has made me wonder if some things are just better left in the past. In particular, I am thinking about past boyfriends. If you are a fan of my blog you know that I dated a lot in high school, and I didn't always date guys in my class or even from New Trier. Not being one to discriminate, I dated both older and younger guys. I had a pretty serious relationship with someone in my grade for part of my freshman year, and a very serious relationship with a wonderful, albeit older college guy for the majority of my senior year. He attended a college in Southern California, and much of my senior year was either spent talking to him on the phone, writing him letters, or traveling to visit him for long weekends. I really only have very wonderful and fond memories or our time together, and it somewhat surprises me that the person I ended up dating right after him turned out to be my most dysfunctional relationship ever.

I absolutely adored and admired the next guy, but he hardly knew I existed...that is, apart from when we weren't totally getting it on. Very, very sad, I know, but he was like a drug and I was totally addicted! He and I pretty much had a "booty call" policy before the term booty call was even in existence. Also, a fun fact is that he was supposedly a virgin before I got my hot little hands on him as well as him being the first man I ever had phone sex with. Sigh....in fact, during the 2+ years we called upon each other, we only ever had sex in a bed I think 2 or 3 times. I have no idea what ever happened to him, but my best guess is that he is probably still single and still not looking for a relationship. Somehow, some part of me thinks he would be highly amused to find out about my career path. Ok that last part was kind of a lie...he contacted me a few years ago totally out of the blue after having a vivid sex dream about me, and in particular, my oral skills! Yup, it's good to know that what happened between us was as hot as I remembered it being :) It was really interesting for me to find out that we both develeoped some of the same sex kinks...and no I won't go into further detail!

There is much more I could say about lost loves, but all my rambling has made me tired. I am thrilled to report, however, that facebook has brought many old and very dear friends back into my life. People that I, for one reason or another, fell out of friendship with and completely lost touch with over the years. I am humbled and thankful for them returning back into my life, and ultimately, didn't need a high school reunion as the reason for wanting to see them.

11/01/2009

The origin of the word flirt is actually pretty obscure. It's been attributed to the French saying "conter fleurette", which basically means the attempt to seduce someone by the act of dropping flower petals much like the whispering of "sweet nothings".

More commonly, flirting is the use of stylized gestures, language, body language, postures, and uncontrolled physiological movements which signal your interest in another person.

Some of the most common signs of flirting (or flirting "dos") include:

1) eye contact, winking, batting eyelashes, etc.

2) preening oneself in front of another

3) giggling or laughing in an encouraging way

(think of the giggling Japanese school girl with her hand over her mouth)

4) casual light touching of another while engaging in a conversation

5) smiling suggestively

6) sending notes, writing poems, small gift gestures like flowers

7) casual playfulness with another

"But I already do all those Catherine!" you might be saying. Maybe you are and maybe you aren't. Some might think that what I am suggesting is simple common sense, and may even tend to get defensive when I make suggestions.

What I know is that the entire process of flirting and dating takes an emotional toll on many people. I see frustration, dejection, and sometimes an overall feeling of wanting to throw in the towel. I also see a lot of low self esteem, and interestingly enough, I see it a lot with men. Men will often tell me that they are saying and doing all the "right things" when it comes to relating to women. However, it is usually abundantly obvious that they are pretty uncomfortable being who they are. It becomes fairly clear after meeting them in person that they don't really like themselves. Think about it this way, if you don't even like yourself, how are you going to convince someone else that they should like you?

What can you do if you fall into this "disaster" category?

The first thing a person looking for a relationship needs to do is learn to like themselves. Something makes you unique and memorable, you just have to find it or give yourself permission to like yourself.

If you are single, learn to appreciate it! Take care of yourself and do things to make yourself happy. Try to treat yourself with the same love and compassion you would give your best friend.

Refuse to buy into the social stigma that tells you that being single = bad or incomplete!

Own your body! You are beautiful and unique no matter what shape, size, color, etc. you are.....embrace yourself and others will follow.

Stop negative self-talk, even if only for 1 day.

Put yourself out there and set the intention of connecting with others. Be willing to make the first move even if it means you may face rejection. Ok, I want you to say it with me "everyone has experienced rejection and has lived to tell the story!" Everyone has been rejected, and the chances are high you will be rejected again. If you are truly unwilling to take a risk when it comes to putting yourself out there, then you are not ready to be in a relationship.

Try to get to the point where you don't fear rejection. For many, love is a numbers game, and you have to face some amount of rejection before you get to someone who is a good personal match. If someone turns you down, imagine yourself saying in your head "no....ok, next."

Founded in 2009,

Catherine Coachesis a unique consulting service offering workshops, dating coach services, and sex coaching servicesto help individuals living in Silicon Valley and San Francisco have a red-hot love life. Catherine has been conducting sex positive workshops through Good Vibrationsand BAY Positives since 2002. She worked as the Program Director for the world's first peer based non-profit serving HIV positive youth from 2002 to 2008, and is uniquely tuned into the nuances of the San Francisco LBGTQIQ community. Find Catherine Coaches on Twitter, Meetup, Facebook, LinkedIn, and Typepad.