Catholic Church: Gay Parents No Good

Michael Pakaluk, a columnist for The Pilot newspaper representing the Archdiocese of Boston, is taking some well-deserved heat after penning this column recently. If you don’t feel like reading it (and if you’re easily nauseated I wouldn’t recommend it), allow me to sum it up for you:

Gay people shouldn’t be parents because they’re immoral porn addicts, and they certainly shouldn’t be in a Catholic school because their lifestyle will negatively influence the “truthful” and “moral” teachings of the almighty Catholic Church.

I knew this one would be a doozy right from the first paragraph when Pakaluk writes “The question arises of whether children in the custody of (one cannot say, ‘children of’) same-sex couples should be admitted to Catholic parochial schools.” So right off the bat, Pakaluk lets us know that not only are gay parents unable to be “real” parents, but adoptive parents are inferior as well. Because environment doesn’t matter at all, and the only way to be an effective parent is to be blood related. Got that? Moving on…

Pakaluk goes on to say his son is a first-grader in a Catholic parochial school, and there is one boy in his class who has two daddies. To this, Pakaluk writes “From what I observed then, I concluded that the arrangement served neither my son nor the other students in the class.” Yet Pakaluk never says how some other student’s family structure can possibly influence his child. Not to mention it’s none of his goddamn business in the first place. But then again, it’s all about Pakaluk and his homophobia.

Speaking of Pakaluk’s hate and fear, he goes on to unleash the following gems:

“It was inevitable that either the teacher, or some parent, would deal with the two men in such a way as implicitly to teach my son, or other children in the class, that there is nothing wrong with same-sex relationships.”

“The second reason is that parents are rightly given access to a child’s classroom, and yet I could not trust the designs of the same-sex couple. A mother or father may volunteer to read to the class or chaperone for a class trip. If the homosexual parent does so, what guarantee would I have that he would not be an advocate for his lifestyle, implicitly if not explicitly? One would expect him to be: he says he takes “pride” in his life; the school, it seems, has implicitly endorsed his role; and so why wouldn’t he speak unabashedly about his lifestyle?”

“The third reason is that it seemed a real danger that the boy being raised by the same-sex couple would bring to school something obscene or pornographic, or refer to such things in conversation, as they go along with the same-sex lifestyle, which–as not being related to procreation– is inherently eroticized and pornographic.”

If you have half a brain, it’s easy to see why many people would be so offended at these ignorant, hateful and misguided statements. As if children of same-sex couples are somehow prone to an increased likelihood of running across porn. Or how about criticizing gay parents who strive to take an active role in their kid’s lives, out of some crazy notion that they’re only doing it to infiltrate the minds of our nation’s youth and champion homosexuality? And at one point he even demands that school administrators inform him of the sexual orientation of parents before they host school events at their homes, in order to avoid a homosexual haven. It’s like he believes being gay is a contagious sin, and anyone close to gay people or their children could catch it. You know, like cooties.

Did I mention this clown is actually a professor? Frightening.

All of this from someone who claims to reside on the moral high ground, yet is immersed in a religion filled with priests who abuse young boys and then have it covered up by church leaders. Yet no mention of that in Pakaluk’s column.

Look, it’s no secret to anyone who’s been reading this site for awhile that I’m very much in favor of gay marriage and gay rights. Only so much as I’m a proponent of equality for everyone. Yet some people still ask me why I get so worked up about this issue seeing that I’m a straight guy seemingly without a dog in the fight.

But you know what? I’m a father now. And as a dad to a 2-year-old who will soon be asking me tough questions about everything, I think parents everywhere can use this as a teachable moment. One of my favorite movies, Boondock Saints, has a fantastic quote that has stuck with me for years:”Now, we must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most. And that is the INDIFFERENCE OF GOOD MEN.”

As parents we have a responsibility to teach our kids that prejudice, hate and injustice of any kind is not OK. But more important, we need to teach them to speak up about it. To do something. Be heard. Because standing idly by and saying/doing nothing is tantamount to condoning what’s happening. This is a lesson that can be applied to everything from the hypocrisy of not making gay marriage legal, to standing up for the kid being bullied on the playground.

Will and I won’t always agree on everything, just like my father and I have different viewpoints on various matters. But if I do my job as a dad, Will is going to grow up speaking his mind and speaking out for people being unfairly discriminated against. Even when it’s not popular and he’ll be labeled a homo or a faggot simply for being a proponent for basic human rights, I want my son to be someone who does the right thing and falls on the side of compassion, tolerance and acceptance.

Unfortunately, he’ll be battling the children of people like Mr. Pakaluk, who will no doubt pass on his hatred and intolerance to a new generation.

WHEN YOU’RE DONE HERE CHECK OUT FATHERHOOD FRIDAY AT DAD-BLOGS, WHERE THEY DON’T CARE IF YOU’RE GAY OR STRAIGHT AS LONG AS YOU’RE THE BEST PARENT YOU CAN BE.

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12 thoughts on “Catholic Church: Gay Parents No Good”

Excellent post. I’m 31yrs old. My parents divorced when I was 10. It turned out my father was gay and my mother moved us half-way across the country from him so we could be near her parents. My mother was emotionally and physically abusive to me even before the divorce, but once Dad was out of the house altogether she completely unleashed on me. However, this was in the early 90s so my father did not fight for custody, knowing that it was highly unlikely he would win that battle. Even to this day, who knows what the courts would decide? There is nothing wrong with the parenting abilities of gay people or same-sex couples. In the last 21yrs my father has been in three long-term relationships that were very loving and supportive while my own parents’ ‘straight’ marriage was filled with hostility, hatred, and cruelty, yet people like this clown Pakaluk would probably label that marriage was right and his subsequent same-sex relationships as wrong. It blows my mind. For the record, Dad’s first partner had to move back to Europe and my dad didn’t want to go there with minor kids in the states, his second partner was murdered 3yrs ago in a mugging, and his current partner is one of the kindest souls I’ve come across on this planet. I’m sorry my comment isn’t all that cohesive. This subject makes me too crazy to stay on task! Anyway, I love your posts on religion and gay rights. I find it somewhat rare for a straight man to be such a positive advocate for same-sex couples, and even though I don’t know you aside from blog postings it means alot to me to know you are out there. Thanks! (also? I’ve never seen any gay pornographic images due to my father’s preference. That’s such an ignorant comment for Pakaluk to make! grrrr!)

The main issue I see with the article is that Pakaluk (he’s a Catholic I assume) is making a determination that one sin is worse to him than another. If he is so completely offended by the actions of others, why didn’t his article include divorced parents (since divorce is also against Catholic teachings) or single unmarried parents (given the obvious fornication involved)? Wouldn’t his child ask just the same questions about those situations? I think the biggest problem is that by excluding children of Gay couples from the school, you punish them for what the parents do that is against the beliefs of the church. I’m not trying to get into a discussion on sin (whether people believe it exists or what constitutes as sin according to their beliefs) but I think if you believe there are rules to follow according to the Bible, you have to be willing to admit that NO ONE abides by those rules 100% of the time. So picking and choosing who stays and who goes is a slippery slope in my opinion. Plus his article probably brought more attention to the situation than the actual Gay couple or their children did.

First off I have to say that I literally shrieked with joy when you quoted Boondock Saints. It has been one of my favorite movies for 10 years now, I love everything about it and I have to go off topic here and ask if you have seen the second and if so what do you think?! Sorry…I don’t come across to many fans…

Now onto the subject at hand. I disagree with you. Alot. About alot of things. But this is by far not one. I love how passionate you are about the rights of people whether they are gay or straight. I have always said that the term “gay rights” bothers me because it should not even exist. Last time I checked homosexuals were PEOPLE. So they should have the exact same rights that every other person has or does not have. I did not read the article, because I have a feeling it would just make my blood boil but I get the point from the few pieces that you quoted and it makes me sick. First off, what does he think these gay parents do all day? Sit and look at porn and print up pictures of it to pass out at school as handouts? What makes him think that homosexuals are any more into porn than straight people?! Where do you even come up with something like that? And god forbid these gay parents choose to take an active roll in their son’s life…sorry not son I meant to say “the child they have custody of’s life” (that is better right). I am rambling, sorry. This sort of thing just really bothers me and I am very happy to hear that you will raise Will with tolerant and understanding views. Thank you for that.

I seriously hope that people with this whacko viewpoint are a dying breed. Exposure to different lifestyles is exactly what his children need so that they do not grow up to be ignorant like their father.

What does it matter the sexual orientation of the parent, as long as they do their best to raise the child right. There are so many children out there that are in need of “stable” families. Look at the foster system…how many children are there. These are kids taken out of their home for what ever reason, and it is not a good reason. Children are abused by there own “blood” parents. I have many gay friends and a few of them have children. They go through the same problems raising children as we straight people do. Sorry if I don’t make sense, but this issue really gets my blood boiling. Oh and on one side note, I was raised in a home that had porn….and I have porn…does that mean I am going to show my daughter! Nope, but I do talk to her about gay relationships to let her know that it doesn’t matter who you love as long as you are a great person.

Why can’t the entire world see how dumb this “controversy” is all together! We have oil to worry about people! Love is love. Who is anyone to tell someone who they should or should not love. Well said, Aaron!

You know, Catholicism (right or wrong, whether you agree or not) teaches homosexuality is wrong. So why is it wrong for an institution that has this teaching/belief to resist that life style coming into that institution?

It’s fine if you want to disagree with the teaching, but don’t try to complain about the institution holding its ground when something or someone that contradicts its teachings wants to benefit from that institution.

Many people send their kids to Catholic schools because they have beliefs that may or may not fit into maintstream thinking. That’s one REASON THE SCHOOLS EXIST. They aren’t trying to bring those beliefs into the public schools, they are keeping them to themselves. So when people that contradict those beliefs want all the benefits that come with ‘following the faith’ people expect them to do just that.

I understand what you are saying and I agree that it makes sense for a catholic institution to enforce rules that they believe in their own school (like no kids with gay parents in their classrooms). It’s a private institution and they can have whatever rules they want. However, that is not the issue of this post.

Clearly, the writer is a parent of another student in the classroom who is upset that the child with gay parents is learning alongside his child. Never mind the fact that both children are learning the same catholic lessons so it makes no sense that the man would be upset even if he doesn’t agree with the other parents’ lifestyle, it is the SCHOOLS DECISION on which students to admit, not the parents. Not any parent. If his homophobia is really too great to allow his child to continue to learn alongside the child with gay parents, then it is the parent’s right to change schools. It is the catholic school’s decision whether to allow gay parents to send their children to their school and clearly in this instance the child was allowed into the school.