The Coughers of Colognehave joined forces with the Cologne Clappersand established the Cough and Clap Societya non-profit-making organizationwhose aim it isto guarantee each concert-goer's rightto cough and applaudAttempts by unfeeling artists or impresariosto question such privilegeshave led to a Coughers and Clappers initiativeMembers are required to applaudimmediately after sublime codasand cough distinctlyduring expressive silencesDistinct coughing is of paramount importanceto stifle or muffle itforbidden on pain of expulsionCoughs of outstanding tenacityare awarded the Coughing Rhinemaidena handsome if slightly baroque appendageto be worn dangling from the neckThe C&C's recent mergerwith the New York Sneezersand the London Whistlersraises high hopesfor Cologne's musical future

From CollectedPoems of Alfred Brendel: Playing the Human Game, published by Phaidon (£24.95). To order a copy for £19.96 with free UK p&p call Guardian book service on 0330 333 6846