Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Today you finally got the gift I sent for Valentine's Day- I'm such a horrible girlfriend for sending it so late. I did; however, get the things you said would be the best gifts, well except warhammer stuff- candy, socks, beef jerkey, and pajama pants.

I also pulled out the creativity that has been hiding in the back of my brain- behind all the nursing knowledge- and made you an awesome card. I was so proud of it when I got done that if you liked anything in your gift, I wanted it to be the card.

Obviously, you liked your gift too, and I think it came at a good time since work has been hard on you lately. It made my heart melt reading your message you sent me about your gift.

"At work a package came and quite frankly your home made cards are the greatest things ever. You really are just a great girlfriend and more. I honestly can not explain how much I love you and what you mean to me. I love you so much. Thank you for a wonderful Valentines."

I am glad that you appreciate the sweet things I do for you, and I definantly appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for me.

We are getting closer and closer to time for you to be home! The anticipation is killing me!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Times are rough. As time for you gets closer, I am losing patience- since time that I have been waiting for you is increasing. I've been ready for you to be home, and I day dream of that day almost everyday.

I keep getting stuck on the same issue- Do you love me? Some days it's easy- of course you do, but others like so far today it's harder to remember all the love you have said you have for me.

I've told you words mean alot to me, but really words mean alot to me because you are thousands of miles away. You can't show your love with a hug or a kiss, you can't look into my eyes and smile, you can't hold my hand as we walk around, and most importantly you can't be around at times when I need you since time is so different and you are busy.

If there was one thing I could change in this world, it would be the fact that we are always busy- I am always thinking of what do I have to do next?

Instead, I'd like to think what do I want to do next? I'd like to close my eyes and just be for a while and let time slip away. One day, I'd like to do that with you, just be and do nothing really- have no agenda.

Today I am letting go- letting go of the issue I started before- today I choose to quit nagging you about being sweet and romantic...sure it's nice to have someone to fill your ears with sweet somethings, but I don't need you to do that. I don't need to have to ask someone to tell me all that...they need to want to do it themselves. But really what i need is to be happy with myself and thankful for everything I have.

Today I was thinking alot about you and Bjorn. I took him to the field to play while I studied, but after, I walked around with him and just admired him for a while. I have only had him for a few months, and he has grown so much not just in size (he has pretty much doubled in size), but also in how smart he is.

He has been house trained, he knows how to come, he knows when it's time for bed, he raises his legs for me to put on his harness, he knows when he is in trouble, and I swear he knows what I am saying most of the time.

I wish you were here because you are missing out on some of this, but I know when you get here you will grow close to him and will love him as much or more than I do (if that is possible). I can't wait for you to be with us at the field to play- we can really feel like a family then.

I feel like Bjorn our child, and I think if ever we do have kids and if for some reason you are gone with the military, all of this experience with Bjorn will make it somewhat easier because I will almost know what it is like.

I love you Todd and am thrilled for our future together- there are so many good things in store for us. I am so happy I am going to be able to share those things with you.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

It has been a very long time since I have written in here- I have either been busy with school or just didn't have anything I wanted to write about.

It seems like things have been a battle between us- like we both have a lot going on and are stressed, but also our communication has been hard. We have been fighting and it has really hurt sometimes- what makes it so bad is you are so far and we can't see each other. I imagine/hope things would either be worked out quicker or we would not even get into half of the arguments that we do if we were together.

May can't get here soon enough

Today started off as one of our disagreements about facebook- even though you started off my facebook postings as being a "punishment" at least you did do them and well I think it made us better.

You showed me that you do feel and think some of the ways that I do and maybe it helped you think more about taking me for granted and that you should show me more that you love me.

It's hard being away because instead of being able to show me with hugs and kisses and what not, you have to show me with words- I think that is hard for both of us...especially you.

For me it's remembering that you love me whether you say something nice to me or not each day and for you it's thinking that I will remember like you do and that I'll always be fine without sweet words.

Like you said on facebook "Something so small can affect your day to no end"- words from you affect my day very much
- a good morning from you helps me wake up and want to get out of bed
- a good night helps me end my day on a good note thinking of you and imagining the day you are here to cuddle with me as we fall asleep
- and a I love you fills my heart and soul with an emotion that can not be described except for that it is a love and happiness that you give me

Monday, March 25, 2013

She had looked for his coming as warriors come,
with the clash of arms and the bugle's call;
But he came instead with as stealthy tread,
Which she did not hear at all

She had thought how his armor would blaze in the sun,
As he rode like a prince to claim his bride:
In the sweet dim light of the falling night
She found him at her side.

She had dreamed how the gaze of his strange, bold eye
Would wake her heart to a sudden glow:
She found in his face the familiar grace
Of a friend she used to know.

She had dreamed how his coming would stir her soul,
As the ocean is stirred by the wild storm's strife:
He brought her the balm of a heavenly calm,
And a peace which crowned her life.

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I was looking at blogs like I usually do each day- one had a poem on it ( a love poem), so I read it and it made me want to read more love poems. I googled some and came across this one.

I thought of you and thought it was perfect. I am very glad you liked it too. To me, it is how we imagine what it will be like to meet "the one" and usually it is not at all what we imagine.

You came as a surprise to me- I didn't know if you would want to even talk to me when I messaged you on facebook- then even more of a surprise when you asked me on a date (finally) and well look at us now.

Then you did come at night- to me night meaning a sad time- a time when I really needed you and there you were making me smile again, bigger than ever even.

And of course you were always a friend of mine and a familiar face- right under my nose the whole time.

I know I get mad at you and fight with you, but that is in any relationship- so it may not always seem like you have brought a calm and peace to my life but you really have; you have and will give me the life I have always dreamed of- a wonderful man to love and to love me back, a family one day, a marriage that lasts a lifetime, a person I can trust and don't have to worry about hurting me with their lack of heart ( because you have one of the biggest ones I've seen in a man besides my daddy and my pawpaw) and I'm sure much more.

I hope to give you everything you dream of

Always, Always

ps. This is one of my favorite entries, and I was hoping to get to it before you go off to Korea. I absolutely love this poem.

I know I sent this to you in a message because you asked for something sweet, but I was thinking of writing about it in here first.

Almost every time I type "I love you" in my phone to you, it types "I live you" instead- both are true. I do of course love you very much, but as weird as it may sound I live you as well. Meaning that I think of you all the time- I wake up and wonder how you are or if you have messaged me.

And back during school, you helped me wake up in the morning because I would get excited to talk to you since you would be off work and still awake. (Now Bjorn wakes me because he will need to go outside).

When I sleep, I hope for sweet dreams about you, and I think of the day when you will be sleeping next to me holding me in your arms.