Infidelity Support Group

Any relationship in which one partner engages willfully in sexual relations with another outside of the partnership is considered to have experienced infidelity. This breach of trust is often traumatizing for the faithful partner as well as the relationship, and support is often needed to heal emotionally and to decide whether or not the relationship should continue after...

Any experience with separation?

I am having such a hard time right now dealing with everything, I look at my husband and the words he spoke to the OW are burned on his forhead. I am still so in love with him I can't breath. I hurt more than I ever thought possible. Does anyone have any experience with a temporary separation? I dont know that it would actually accomplish anything, may even delay my healing, but I feel so hopeless. I am also afraid that he would take it as a license to have anothe affair or pick up with the OW where he left off.

For me it came to the point of separation (we said for 3 months but it turned into only one!) I couldn't deal with him. He was stubborn and he said he was sorry but there was no meaning. After my young son and I moved out it was a big shocker for him. He was truly sorry about his actions and decisions. Also if he thinks he can have another affair if you separate. I think you should move on. It takes 2 to make it work. You will get exhausted with little reward if it's just you trying to get him to stay.

We had a brief one (two months) and it was healing for me and a dose of reality for my husband. I can't tell you yet if it will make a difference in the long run, but it was a good idea for us at the time.

Mine moved out for 2 months so he could party. He was on disability and I think he came back because he ran out of money. But I went out on dates and found that there are nice guys out there. This one guy was all about taking care of me and my extended family. He was such a nice person. It made me feel better about myself. I was honest with him from the start so there were no hard feelings when the time was up.

I felt better when he left, I felt I no longer had to care. I love him so very much but it felt good to have him out. I want to think he realized what he was doing but lets face it. He ran out of money.

My separation gave my husband the opprtunity to HAVE the affair. In my case, it let him have his cake and eat it too. He was &quot;working&quot; on our marriage and then seeing his OW when he was at work. He told me he loved me, text me and still continued to have sex with me.

We didn't separate. Eventhough I remember telling him to 'get out' when it all came out. At the time our boys were 1 and 3yrs old and we followed the same routine with them at night since we didn't want to break us up right away. Dh stayed in the basement for about 2wks. We would spend the evenings after the kids were asleep talking and working through the issues over and over. We had started counselling too. I think had he not been in the house to talk and cry with me for hours it might have delayed our progress. Anyway...we didn't separate obviously but my dh was extrememly remorseful from day 1 and willing to do anything it took to not loose me. If he had been anything but I might not have been so willing to work on the marriage.

Are you two working through it all? Talking or counselling? Even if it is going well there will still be times when you want your space out of anger and he should understand that.

I am about to find out. H is moving out tomorrow. I know that we need some time to clear our heads and sort out our needs and feelings, however I know that I will miss him VERY much.

If the OW wasnt still in the picture, I could say that we would 100% be able to work things out with therapy and time, but because she is still in the picture and he thinks that he loves her and she loves him (BARF)... I know that he wont stay away from her during our seperation long enough to let either of us heal and try to work things out.

I am hoping for the best... ( he rids himself of her COMPLETELY and takes this time to heal his depression and think things out without either of us pressuring him) But I am preparing for the worst. That he continues his relationship and affair with her during out separation and makes things so bad that we will NEVER find our way back to each other.

We seperated 2 weeks after h confessed the affair.i twas his idea to sperate.he left for 3 months.it was the best thing in the world for us.He was very remorsefull and willing to do anything and everything to make our marriage work. and to prove to me that he loved me.He rented his own apartment and instead of him moving back in when we decided to work things out we took it slowly.we went out on dates,talked on the phone everyday,and we talked and talked about the affair.we took baby steps...it did wonders for us..now we are closer then ever

I wish we had separated... He begged to stay.... but then continued lying &amp; cheating. I think if I had kicked him out, it would have been a big dose of what life would be like without his wife &amp; family. I just found out the hard way that he will do whatever he wants. Why did I let him talk me into staying together?

When I woke in the middle of the night and he was out meeting her, I had his things ready when he came home. I told him I didn't give an F where he went, as long as it was away from me. We were seperated for almost 6 months before he came begging me to take him back.

We had been seperated earlier in the year where he did stay in the house with me. It was VERY difficult. I found myself trying any little thing to get him to want me. In the end, it didn't work. But him being out there on his own really changed his outlook. Now, he's grateful to be home.

We have been dealing with this for over a Year. I have yelled at him many times to leave but he won't go. I know him too well, he will only go if it is on HIS terms not mine. I don't think for the first 4 or 5 months I could have delt with him gone but now I am stronger and i think it might be a good idea for us to seperate for awhile. the problem is we are about to go through the Grad of our youngest child and our oldest is entering the police force. They are both at home and know nothing about the affair. All they know is that we are not seeing eye to eye. They think that I am going through a change because they are growing up! LOL Kids always think it is all about them. Actually if it worent for their big strong arms around me when I need a hug I think I would have been in the crazy house by now! The conslor says we need to stay together he does not recommend a seperation at all. I don't know if I can take all of this much longer but I got to go with the professional on this one. Life gets in the way of ourselves and we need to regroup and reevaluate after June. I am so sorry you feel hopeless, don't feel helpless though. Someone told me to &quot;GET A PLAN&quot; I need to focus on that one and see if hubby fits in. Maybe that will help yo too! Good luck!

We did just recently separate, but he is coming back tomorrow. I think sometimes the separation is helpful because it gives each person several things:

1. a dose of reality - no longer in each other's lives

2. time to think

3. time to cool off a bit

4. seek advice

5. time to process what has happened and then make decisive decisions

Separation could be just even for one day. For us it was about 5 days, but it was enough to pull my husband out of the fog. I do really feel this has helped him see what he is losing and what he can gain by staying together.

My H pushed a separation so it would be easier for him to engage with the OW without my finding out. I did anyway. Then he wanted me to move back in but I didn't want to and when I wanted to start dating he didn't want me to do that. At the same time he couldn't seem to end it with the OW.

My being away and him missing me, but my not wanting to be around him when he was with her just pushed him toward her and she definitely capitalized on the opportunity. He was so insecure and lonely and she used that to her advantage every time she could.

I wouldn't recommend separation. Our therapist said don't do it. She stressed that we needed to face the situation together. Either one of you can became used to being apart and then getting back together becomes that much more difficult.

My husband emailed me &quot; I don't want to hurt your feeling but I don't have passion for you anymore. The best way is we live seperatly&quot;
WE seperated for 5 years. 2 years ago I found out his affiar. I countroled my emotion and talked with him with understanding---becuaw he dispointed in our marriage. So far, he did not ask for divorce but still live out.

It sounds like it can go either way. I do know of several people where the husband did not continue to see the ow and was in constant pain. I think it was framed as a permenant seperation.

One thing is you will know. I would consider seperate to mean no contact, ecept maybe in therapy. No sex. too comforting for him to know he still has you under his thumb. He must feel the loss and of course so must you, in order to know what it is you want.

If he uses the time to act out more, you must have a way of discovering this. It will tell you he is not missing you enough. If he isfaithful and focused on you, that is a good bet!

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