Welcome, rubberneckers, to the egomaniacal, narcissistic, bipolar meltdown you have been promised would happen by the hate sites! (It’s too bad they aren’t on my payroll, because HOO, the pageviews) To tell you the truth, even I can’t wait to watch this train wreck happen because when my brain explodes all those Skittles in there are going to scatter everywhere. A RAINBOW!

(I know, another post that was supposed to be about my hair that has nothing to do with my hair. I can’t even keep my posts straight. Yet another sign that I’m losing my mind. Someone please step in and get me some help! I NEED BETTER HANDLERS.)

What should I do first? Shed my clothes and run nude through Temple Square? Maybe have an argument in public with an imaginary friend? While wearing a giant bird costume and waving a vibrator?

The level of my fame is so minuscule in comparison to actual celebrity, but that does not make it any less strange to read the words of strangers who are publicly delighting in my pain, strangers who are actively rooting for me to break down. I’ve known to avoid reading it, but then the amount of it became so abundant that it bubbled up and spilled over into my lap, and wow. There it was. I politely wiped it to the side, but then another wave hit. And in the middle of that next dump someone said that they were going to make an anonymous call to try and get my kids taken out of my custody.

I hate to disappoint some of you, but that meltdown isn’t going to happen. I’ve been seeing a therapist pretty regularly since Leta was born, and yesterday she told me that I didn’t need to come back, that the work she’s been trying to get me to do for eight years is done. In fact, I had a pretty big breakthrough about a month ago, so big that after I left she did a tap dance in her office. I asked her to recreate that moment so that I could take video of it and post it here, but she’s a lot like my mom and enjoys flipping me the bird.

At the core of the work that I have been doing is letting go of the fear of standing up for myself. That probably seems asinine because my writing can be abrasive and polarizing, and how can a woman with a mouth as dirty as mine have any trouble standing up for herself? Well, a lot of trouble, actually. Especially in person. And any time I’ve attempted to do so online I’m labeled a bully or a delicate flower or lectured on the reasons I should ignore it.

The fact is that I do ignore almost all of it. It’s a relentless stream that rolls through my email and across twitter and in and out of other websites. But this morning I was sitting at my desk minding my own business when I caught the edge of another wave, and I thought, what the hell am I afraid of?

And you know what? Not a goddamned thing. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. People will use the fact that I am saying this as proof that I’m having a meltdown, and those people can go fuck themselves, too. Because when my therapist reads this she is going to get up and do the moonwalk behind her desk.

So much congratulations on your therapy journey and breakthrough. That’s a huge deal, and I hope you at least had a cupcake to celebrate. If you didn’t already, do it now! I recommend strawberry.

Also, you may never have to go back, but even if you do, I’m sure your therapist will continue dancing, because that too would be an affirmation of your self-awareness and continued commitment to yourself.

cinddmel

Yay for you Heather!!!!! ****high five***
You are so brave and amazing and congrats on your breakthrough!!!!

Shea

Geez. I absolutely adore you.

And I am thankful that I haven’t seen one iota of negative media about you. I remember that one time you dedicated a whole site to their grumbling, and I was in awe. I was amazed.

I don’t know why this comes to you. I don’t think it has anything to do with celebrity. It appears reminiscent of a zombie movie where they are all walking in the same direction with their arms stuck out in front of them repeating whatever the hell it is they are saying. In this post I think you take care of them nicely ’cause it seems like they are just wanting someone to hate them as much as they hate themselves.

Way to annihilate the zombies, Heather!

Anita Scotch

Rock the fuck on.

I am so proud of you! Isn’t telling someone to fuck off, when they truly deserve it, one of the best feelings ever?

twirlyShells

Love, love, love! Go Heather!

Diorama

Heather you’re the (wo)man!! You just made me feel better about myself, empowered, and smiling. It’s contagious!

Marinka

Keep standing up, Heather.

xo

jill124

you are incredibly awesome. so honest, so brave.

tokenblogger

Okay, I’ll admit it. I’ve googled the hate and read it, too. Because I just want to know how bad it is and who is putting it out there. I can’t seem to help myself.

Of course you know I don’t like everything you blog (and yes, I did notice the past 12-18 months your postings have changed) but I keep coming back hoping for more of the stuff I do like (sometimes several times a day).

And I will also admit that I feel the worst for the girls and Jon (because the girls have always had their dad at home and because Jon had to leave his home and his girls). I do feel for you, too — but you’re still home with the girls and the dogs! You have more comforts at hand.

That’s just how the whole thing affects me, which isn’t even important to you and your family and doesn’t really matter.

e2wcoastmom

Now that was a post worthy of retrieving my password to comment.

Wahoo!!

You go, girl!!

Ruffian

Heather is like a family member that I’ve never met. Since 2002 when I started following her blog, I’ve moved five times in three states, had way too many surgeries, and been diagnosed with an auto immune disease. One of the constant things in my life has been reading Dooce. It makes me sad that there are others out there trying to bring her down.

One day, 100 years from now, there will be literature on the beginning of the internet movement called “the blog”. The beginning square on that tree that spans out should be Heather. It’s her shoulders all the rest of blogsphere have stood on. That’s a pretty awesome legacy.

RathrBeAtWrigley

Fuck the haters. Just be you. (And your hair looks fabulous, by the way.)

Barnmaven

Christ on a cracker, I go out of town for a couple of days and don’t look at the Internet and all hell breaks loose.

I want to say so much more than “if you don’t like what someone writes don’t read it, if a blogger no longer appeals to you just move on, no need to flounce out the door or make a kerfuffle,” but really, that about covers it.

Mom Gone Mad

Good God – Why are there so many haters out there! Good for you Heather for telling them to piss off and stading up for yourself. You are an inspiration to the majority of us out here. And, for the rest that want to take the easy way out and point their fingers at others to make their shortcomings less noticable – PISS OFF!

Julz

Radical idea here, why don’t you and your husband disable ALL comments on your posts until you’ve worked through your personal lives?? That saves a lot of heartache, angst, second guessing and generally the great unwashed weighing in on such personal issues and aspects that you need to deal with as a family??

starlounging

haters gonna hate. I just signed in to tell you I 100% agree with you.

I’ve been reading your posts for years, and I have enjoyed them but haven’t really commented much. I just wanted to say that any person who thinks they can be mean and vile to people on the internet simply because they are successful/popular is no better than those that bully in middle school. We’re adults now, though, and supposed to be done with that?

I’m wishing you and your family all of the best.

wicked opinion

Someone posted this on the DoCo today and it made me think of all the “crazies” who just feel everything so hard. I respect the FUCK outta you. Thanks for ripping yourself open all the time for us. We love you.

“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting –
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.”

Wild Geese by Mary Oliver

Wowzers

Bring it BABAAAAAY!!

LMFAO Embrace your inner BITCH, baby!

Now…about that blouse in the Levi post…:)

laura.elaine

big love. BIG BIG love. from commenter #313. if you knew how much i loathe odd numbers, you would understand how meaningful this comment is. have i mentioned BIG LOVE? from texas. (that shit’s big.)

hillcram

FINALLY RESET MY PASSWORD!

Which I did, just so I could comment and say, HELL YEAH, BABY. Defend, defend, defend. You go girl. Preach on sista.

I could keep going, but I’m pretty sure you get the point.

Heidi75

Haters are everywhere. Don’t let them win. Go girl!

k.wren

YEAHHHH GET IT Heather! I am proud of you.. stay strong lady!

WeezaFish

I had to create a Douce account just to say – Who gives a flying Monkeys what ‘they’ think or say. I don’t Tweet, I haven’t even seen – but I know it’s a load of complete and utter clap trap. Just saying.

musickatt

I’m trying REALLY hard to come up with a mean comment, because you promised to delete my ass, and I’m on this diet, and so my ass definitely needs some deleting, so here it goes: The hell with all those big meanie, cry baby wanna-be bad asses that delight in saying stupid shit. They’ve probably never run a marathon. They’ve probably never given birth without medication. They’ve probably never been smart enough to seek help and outside assistance when it was needed. They probably aren’t super fabulous moms to their kids. They probably don’t even have CUTE kids!!! I bet they can’t pull off the growing out stage of their hair. A big suck it to all of your critics!

Damn, I was as mean as I could be, and my ass. Still there.

AshesVonDust

Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! There, was that mean enough?

No, but seriously, being sad doesn’t mean it’s got to be some dramatic end of times like bullshit, these people need to chill.

Elizabeth in Chicago

My twitter is locked, so I knew you wouldn’t see it if I responded to the whole thing, but -

I’m about to graduate with my MSW, and I’m going to be a therapist, and I wanted to stand next to you and cheer you on, waving my middle fingers with you at those people like fucking pom poms.

Standing up to people who are needlessly cruel can be paralyzing. I am so happy and proud of you for doing that.

ldq

Go Heather!!!!

That was totally brave!

The haters are the ones with the pressing need for intervention. Seriously, who puts all that time and energy into hating so much? ISSUES

Enough about them…that was 10 seconds I’m not getting back.

MeandThem

Well done Grasshappa, well done.

deminimis

I was reading the comments from an earlier post and can’t believe some of the things people say. I love the comments that claim to be trying to save your business, but I especially love the ones that end with “lost another one”, or something to that effect. So much so, that I went searching for a tweet that I read awhile ago.

“Declaring UNFOLLOW to someone on twitter is like shouting “I’m leaving!” at free concert.”
-@rainnwilson

I know, or at least I would love to believe that the great majority of your readers are here because they love your writing, and are personally rooting for you all the way.

We want to be sitting in that roller coaster car with you. Laughing nervously at each other while it’s slowly climbing the hill, and experiencing that “oh shit” moment when it hangs at the top, and we can’t see the bottom! Feeling our stomachs drop through the little whoopty do hills. Screaming and cussing all the way to the end. Just to realize it wasn’t so bad after all, and running back to get in line again.

Hopefully that’s not just me, because then that metaphor might seem a little silly…

lookoutkitty

I think your hair looks very pretty like that.

OwlMoonKLH

You. Rock!

mrs_k

Since you’ve started posting hair pictures, I’ve clearly seen the sadness in your eyes as you’ve gone through this fresh wave of hell in your life. I am so happy to see a glint of steel in this picture. There’s still that sadness, but there’s also a resilience. You are bigger than the haters, bigger than your problems, and bigger than the things that haunt you in the middle of the night.

LOVE to you!

nluvwthmybstfrnd

We are all rooting for you and So proud of you! And, yeah. FUCK. THEM. You are fucking awesome in my book.

juliesfinereally

Yup. Yo go, girl!

Caro

When I was going thru my own separation two years ago-imagine that I LEFT my kids and husband. Oh the judgement-I sent you an e-mail to thank you for one of the Marlo baby pictures you had posted. Looking into her eyes at the end of one of the worst days of my life somehow managed to make me feel better. I have kept that e-mail since. It serves as a reminder of all the shit I have managed to overcome and also because though you consider yourself to be a minor celebrity Heather; what you are is someone who has come to mean a lot to us. Call it nuts, I call it a testament to your talent. Dooce is unique and beautiful thing.

Just like you.

I love your hair. I love your honesty.

Thank you, for sharing all of it with us.

Wombat Central

Congrats on getting excused from therapy! Seems like you should get a tiara or something as a lovely parting gift.

poopinginpeace

I love your hair updates! I hope the email I sent you this morning helped you to say Fuck you to all of the haters, because that was my point. All those jerks can suck it. You sill survive. (Sorry to quote cheesy songs.)

souphead

you are awesome! even though you share your life with all of us, what you are going through is your personal business to share as much or as little as you want.

besides we all know you’re nuts. it’s part of why we love you.

fuck ‘em all indeed!

Ashley_the Accidental Olympian

Anyone who spends their time trying to bring you down is clearly really fucking miserable in their own life. And also, doesn’t actually have their own life.

Your life is hard right now, and some people want to take joy in that, but the rest of us decent human beings read with compassion, empathy and support after each and every post.

Thank you for sharing your life with us, and we’d never want to see that end because of a few loud mouthed assholes. Much love.

Dr. Jules

You rock. That is all.

fableq

I love you. Haters can suck it. You rock. Hugs.

EffyTheWild

You said this:

“…any time I’ve attempted to do so online I’m labeled a bully or a delicate flower or lectured on the reasons I should ignore it.”

And I want you to know that you are NOT alone in this experience and that many of us who stand up for ourselves against bullying on line get labeled bullied. It is *insane*.

Ignoring it is the only sane thing to do *most days*, but some days? Ya gotta stand up and flip the fucking bird.

jmvalentine

Heather, your words and openness are inspiring and comforting to all of us who are also experiencing heartbreak and other types of emotional devastation. For every hater, you have two supporters who would gladly gang up on that hater and go all 3rd grade recess on his or her pariah ass. Thank you for sharing your pain with us, as weird as that sound, because (at least for me) it validates every similar feeling I’ve ever had when the people in my life made me feel like my feelings were wrong.

darthblonde

The ironic thing is these haters don’t realize by GOING THROUGH SHIT, you grow and evolve. Clearly something they have not experienced. You grow, girl. I’ve been through many a personal birth canal and have lived to tell the kick ass story. Can’t wait to hear yours! xoxo

femmeknitzi

Look, I haven’t been here that long. I haven’t followed your every move. I don’t get the celebrity thing either, because you’re just a blogger that my friend said, “hey go read her, she’s funny and posts cute pictures of her kids and dogs.”

But in the year or so that I’ve been reading this blog, I do NOT get why there are people that hate on you so much. I don’t get how anyone could get something evil or malicious out of this blog. That’s some serious Hater McHaterson shit going on there.

All I get from your posts is blunt, raw, emotional honesty–the kind that reminds us that life is hard, everyone, everywhere is struggling, no one is perfect and we should just be nice to each other already.

I don’t agree with everything you say and do, but so what? That’s not my business. I just like the pictures of the adorable kids and the funny dogs and the daily reminder that we’re going to make it through, no matter what.

We’re all in this together and fuck the rest of them that prefer to rip us all apart.

undernova

In other news, people really do high-five their computers. And I just did!

carinlilly

Now you need to get some fabulous vintage rainbow barrettes to go with that fabulous attitude. At least thats what I did when I was growing out my hair. The barrettes, not the attitude, of which I say “hooray for Heather!”

FunkyKim

If there are any haters, let’s find their IP number and hate them back!

Seriously, I’m proud of you for maintaining yourself above the fray. Hang in there!

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