Volatile home situation requires outside help

Tuesday

Sep 29, 2009 at 12:01 AMSep 29, 2009 at 1:10 PM

Dear Abby: I am 39 and live with my mother because of a physical disability. Mom becomes violent when she gets mad or upset. She yells and screams, and, if I refuse to yell back at her or try to ignore her, she gets even angrier.

I have suggested counseling, but she insists that she is fine and I'm the one who needs the help. What do I do?

- Can't Stand the Violence

Dear Can't: Your mother is an emotional mess, but she is half-right. You do need help. And the place you can get it is the National Adult Protective Services Association. It's an organization that has been around for 20 years - and has members in all 50 states as well as Canada. Visit www.apsnetwork.org and click on "Report Abuse," then your state.

Your mother needs help, too, and the people at Adult Protective Services can help her face that reality.

Dear Abby: The day before my wedding, my fiance's aunt left me a gift. It was lingerie, which seemed like a wellintentioned gift.

Turns out the lingerie was her own, and it was slightly used.

On the card she said it had been "only used a few times." It struck me as inappropriate to receive "used" (and wrong-sized) lingerie from her.

Am I wrong in thinking this way?

- Flummoxed in the USA

Dear Flummoxed: This new relative might be a "character," or perhaps she didn't have the means to buy you a wedding gift and gave you the nicest thing she could come up with.

Be gracious. Simply say: "Thank you for welcoming me into the family. Your kindness and thoughtfulness are appreciated, and I look forward to getting to know you." Dear Abby: With the support of my friend "Lynn," I left "Stephanie," my wife of 17 years - after she admitted to more than two dozen affairs during the course of our marriage. I am now in a relationship with Lynn and very happy.

The problem is my kids think I left Stephanie for Lynn because that is what their mother has told them.

I tell them Mommy and Daddy had their "differences," but they know there is more to the story.

- Almost Happily

Ever After in Utah

Dear Almost: Mommy and Daddy did have their differences. And there is also more to the story.

But because your children already know there is more to the story, explain that you'll tell them the rest of it when they are older, if they still want to know.