3 Reasons the First Fight Is So Important to Your Relationship

Last night I had drinks with a friend in a newish relationship of several months. As she was telling us the story of how they'd just had their first fight, I couldn't help but notice that she was basically glowing. Which, of course, makes sense in the context of being in the early stages of a happy relationship, but I honestly felt like she was even more content because they'd had a fight (and survived it, of course).

Their fight, like many first fights, was based on a misunderstanding, wasn't a huge blowup, and was all cleared up and forgiven in a matter of hours. But while those early fights probably aren't going to be the worst ones a couple ever has, they do set a major tone for the beginning of the Realness portion of the relationship, a.k.a. the rest of your life, if you're lucky. That's why the first fight is so important. It can actually feel like a huge accomplishment and weight lifted, for several reasons.

It shows how you both handle miscommunication and hurt feelings. Does he lash out and get nasty? Give you the silent treatment? Get annoyingly clingy instead of mad? Most of us don't have our proudest moments during a fight, but this is a good time to weed out the guys who get excessively angry or are just too immature to deal with. [Warning: He will be judging you on your style too. Be kind.]

It means you still like each other—even when you don't. The first fight means you're out of that grace period where you've both been on your best, most charming behavior and haven't been revealing your flaws. Anyone can like each other in that stage. Now you've both revealed some and you both got over it and still want to be together, so you know you've got something deeper going on.

It makes you feel closer. You worked through something together. You solved a problem together. And, duh, you had your first session of makeup sex. Cue the glow.

Do you remember what your first fight with your partner was about? How did you feel after it?