Gentle Readers, The Practical Cook does not imagine that she will emerge from this entry in the burger wars unscathed. For the past year or so, I’ve been sampling the wares of the various high-end fast burger joints. I’ve been to Five Guys, In-N-Out Burger, and now Shake Shack.

The Practical Cooks Junior at Work: Shake Shack Reviewing

Thankfully I brought my favorite team of critics, The Practical Cooks Junior, to back me up. It was a very hot day in New York, and we’d been running hard. Shake Shack near the Museum of Natural History was crowded. All this background to say, we didn’t love it. Not one of us.

The SmokeShack and Fries: Shake Shack

The fries were pretty good when they were hot. We got them plain, sans cheese sauce. I got the SmokeShack because, well, bacon. The Eldest got a plain burger, and the Youngest got a hot dog. We got a vanilla shake and a peanut butter one for good measure.

Everything was okay, but not great. We ended up having to eat outside, so heat was a factor, but it just wasn’t memorable. We even ended up tossing some of the peanut butter milkshake, which borders on sin for me, but it just wasn’t doing it for us. In-N-Out’s chocolate shake is better, in my opinion, and Five Guys fries are my fave of the three. As for burgers, I’m voting for In-N-Out Animal Style.

Fries, Chocolate Shake, and Cheeseburger from In-N-Out Burger

Native New Yorkers tell me that Shake Shack isn’t the great institution it once was, and it is certainly far better than the golden arches. However, I had a burger last week at G2B Pub, a local joint, and it’s hard to think about other burgers now. Since I have genetically crappy cholesterol (looking at you TPC’s Mom), I can’t eat endless burgers, and I want to love the ones I eat. Shake Shack is a pass for me.

Meet my new BFF: burger from G2B Pub with sweet potato fries

Okay Gentle Readers, that’s my final round-up in the burger wars. Hit me with your best shot. What’s your favorite? Agree or disagree with my take on the big three? Post a comment below, or Tweet at me with #burgerwars as your tag.