Two Congressmen Actually Debated Nickelback on the House Floor and Our Politics Are Irredeemably Broken

Here’s a thing that actually happened Thursday: A debate over the merits of Nickelback took place in the United States Congress.

Rep. Mark Pocan (D-WI) absolutely came for Nickelback during a House floor speech on Thursday afternoon. But Nickelback stan Rodney Davis (R-IL) was not in any way here for it.

Pocan was referring to a statistic involving a very small percentage. And as a point of reference, he said, “That’s probably about the percent of people who think Nickelback is their favorite band in this country. It’s pretty low.”

Davis just would not stand for the Nickelback hate.

“Why would you criticize one of the greatest bands of the 90’s?!” Davis said of the group whose first hit record was released in 2001.

Pocan, as an owner of two apparently functioning ears, was taken aback by someone un-ironically praising Nickelback.

“Wow,” Pocan replied. “One more reason why there is a difference between Democrats and Republicans, clearly, found on the floor of Congress today.”

Minutes late, Davis kept digging the hole deeper.

“I stand here to say that my colleague from Wisconsin, I know he did not mean to offend the many thousands upon thousands of Nickelback fans of his district in Wisconsin,” he said. “I’ll stand here to save you from doing that, and have to face the political consequences at the ballot box.”

That sound you hear is Chris Cillizza furiously pounding away on a column breaking down which candidate will win the 2020 Nickelback lane — with “Photograph” playing on loop in the background.