Eastern philosophy holds a different view of destiny than the typical Western view. The science of Western medicine seeks absolutes in how matter behaves. Chinese medicine holds paradigms through which behavior manifests.
Thus, when we look for meaning in things, which are elusive and dynamic, we will become lost and confused. When we find our purpose in a broader paradigm, a larger view allows many different possibilities to manifest.

According to one of the most ancient books of TCM, the Su Wen, there are three prerequisites for the existence of humanity: survival, movement, and differentiation. Survival is our most basic, lowest prerequisite for existence. Yet, beyond survival we move among and interact with life. Finally, we provide differentiation based upon this interaction. It is this most refined aspect, differentiation, that allows the individual to move into higher aspects of his or her destiny. It must begin with a “yes” to life, as it is. For Life gives us destiny through our existence, as it is.

At the most basic level, we need to have that which we need to survive. Food, shelter, water, air, and freedom from disease. Then we interact with life, as it is. Our feet are on the ground; our hands exchange with the essential movement of our daily life. Our heart and heads then can allow us to view the feet on the ground and hands interacting from a higher perspective. Do we experience harmony in life? Does our present view feel limited? Are we in alignment with our life as it is? Are we fighting anything internal or external? Are we conflicted? When we find the level of conflict with life as it is, only then can we uncover it, bring it back to the place of acceptance (feet on ground) and allow a new possibility to emerge.

Destiny then, is seen as the highest unfolding of life as it is. Only then can we allow new possibilities to manifest. When we are conflicted with our lives as they are and think something in the future can make it better, we are viewing life from a distorted lens. This view can never fulfill our destiny, as our feet aren’t ever on the ground. It is as if we are always scurrying forward to try to make life better, missing the view in the present. Our hands are then trying to manipulate things, as they are, in order to make our hearts ok. This defies the laws of nature.

“I need a child to make my life complete” is upside down destiny, where we are playing God, trying to control the future.
“My life is complete as it is.” has the view of feet on the ground. We interact with life as it is. Then a new view can enter – “I yearn for a child.” As long as our feet aren’t misplaced, and our hands are interacting from this grounded stance, we can keep moving toward the emergence of new possibilities to fulfill our destiny.

This daunting term is almost meaningless. It simply means that hormones are fluctuating in women during their later reproductive years. Perimenopause can last for many years, during which time a woman is still capable of conceiving. One study reported that when a woman enters perimenopause, she still has, on average, ten thousand eggs remaining. It isn't until a woman has been without a period for one year that she is considered to be in menopause. Then she is no longer capable of bearing children with her own eggs.

This transition occurs at multiple levels - ovarian output fluctuates; blood flow to the ovaries diminishes, and the biopotency of the FSH molecule changes. The hypothalamic-pituitary-ovarian axis becomes more delicate.

According to Chinese medicine, this is one of the most rich times in a woman's life. Although she may experience symptoms of this transition - like reduced libido, decreased cervical fluid, irregular menstruation, moodiness, insomnia, hot flashes and night sweats, these are not considered symptoms of disease. They are an invitation as the energies shift from a focus on lower reproductive output to one where the spirit dominates.

Most all energetic transitions will produce symptoms. When you know that they are natural and necessary, they will become less problematic. When they are resisted, it exacerbates liver qi stagnation, aggravating the symptoms. Acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine can help ease this transition and reduce symptoms, while one is trying to conceive.

Reducing sugar, wheat and refined carbohydrates helps the metabolic changes. Supplementwith essential antioxidants, minerals, CoQ10, and fish oil. Light exercise like walking, biking, or swimming helps reduce depressive symptoms, especially when performed out of doors. Inner body meditations can help ease symptoms of anxiety. Perform the femoral massagedaily before ovulation if you are still trying to conceive. We also have formulated a Fertile Soul herbal blendto assist and enhance fertility during this time.

I love the work that I do. Chinese medicine certainly sparked a deep and passionate well of healing that impacted me deeply, personally, and also professionally.
Most people look at me either as a doctor who treats people, or as a teacher who imparts knowledge to others. While I have undertaken those roles, and occasionally serve in the role of doctor or teacher, that is not the work I am most passionate about. That is not how the juice flows for me.

My greatest outflow of inspiration comes when I can share in someone's life journey, and walk with them on this path toward greater inner peace, finding the expression of their highest purpose; and coming home, so to speak, to give birth to their true selves.

Some come to The Fertile Soul to learn the Chinese medical approach to fertility, and to be treated. This is one level of healing in which they experience a shift from their previous approach of trying to conquer their infertility to one where they learn instead to nurture their fertility. Radically different approaches at one level. Yet others come to share at a deeper level. They respond to a call from the depths of their souls, which are begging for a new way home, a new way to tap into the life giving powers of creation. And this is radically different still from simply learning to nurture one's physical fertility. It asks for a total immersion in the self, turning away from all aspects of one's life which are no longer serving their highest good.

Women leave jobs, turn away from relationships that no longer serve them, and pursue all kinds of new and creative endeavors. Some women I have worked with have recognized that their present partner is not the one they were meant to have children with, and that contributed to their physical obstructions. Others have turned from careers in law, finance, or medicine to pursue paths of healing.

Wherever their life path takes them, I am so deeply honored when they ask me to accompany them. While I don't care much for emphasizing how to manipulating the physical form (you can find those doctors in abundance!) I will walk to the edge of their comfort zone and beyond with them when they are willing to live their lives differently in order that life can move through them in an authentic way.

I thank all who have attended retreat, but I especially am grateful for those who will give it their all- body, mind, and spirit, nothing held back. It is an honor.

I strongly believe that even just finding out about The Fertile Soul has a powerful, ripple, helpful effect, especially for those who cannot travel, but who nevertheless read -- and listen-- ask questions, wonder, benefit, and grow, grow, grow. L.H.

I am looking forward to a rich retreat in January, where we will focus on aging, overwhelm, and turning into the wellspring of deep inner guidance. In this inner sanctuary there is no aging or overwhelm. When we can reside in this place, a more fertile response to life is possible, which of course, is reflected in our reproductive response. Our New York session filled up quickly, but we do have openings in February in my hometown of Asheville, NC, February 17-20th, where our focus will expand to include welcoming in the year of the Dragon, a powerful and dynamic expression of the Chinese New Year. We will use this power to deeply connect with the life-giving source within. I love witnessing the power of retreat participants as they learn to live the miracle!

We will also offer a free conference call on Monday, January 30th at 7 p.m. EST. I will go over some fertility basics and open the call up to your questions and answers. I hope you will be able to join us - whether you are new to the Fertile Soul or have already embraced this process. I look forward to connecting with you.

To Join in dial 605-475-4000 then access code 794774#. Those calling from Canada should call 805-360-1075 and then you will be prompted to enter the original number and access code.

Have you ever experienced a birth? Not the way they are depicted on the movies, where a woman grunts a few times from her hospital bed, and then is seen holding her newborn; but the agonizing cries of bringing life into existence. Life comes into being through pain.

As the seasons turn to winter, and the earth hibernates, we witness the slow dissolution of the earth’s manifestation. The sun lowers. Leaves fall. Temperatures plummet. Snow blankets the ground with the promise of things yet to come. And with spring, it breaks free again. Sounds come to life. Birds sing, insects sting, and buds push their way into manifestation again. We don’t witness the pain of emergence, but it is there.

Like a limb that has fallen asleep, when sensation returns, there is a tingling discomfort. The longer it has been asleep, the more pain there will be when blood reinfuses it with feeling.

The Taoists have a concept called the Mysterious Pass, where the energies of metal (death) turn to water (hibernation), and emerge through wood (rebirth.) This is the path of our greatest sorrow, fear, and anger. And we must go through it in order to be reborn into the fullness of our awakened existence. If we don’t, we remain caught in the wheel of never-ending sameness, much like the movie Groundhog Day.

In the fertility arena, or any other area of healing, death comes through letting go of the things that are no longer working in our lives. Sometimes these are certain patterns of relating with the world. Sometimes they are old, conditioned habits that are no longer serving us. Sometimes it is meeting the death of a fantasy, face to face. And in the depth of this death, there is great fear of the unknown. What will life be like if I let go of the way I had pictured my world to be? As we stand in the power of the unknown and face our fears, the tingling discomfort awakens us from our depths, and we can emerge anew. The aspect of our soul called the Zhi germinates from our spirit and we are born anew.

This isn’t merely a conceptual process – it is real. Time and again I have seen courageous individuals allow themselves to go through this journey, and their whole body, minds, and lives are restructured around this reemergence. They give birth to their true selves, and in the process, have new potential for life.

So, I happen to like the shock value of the title. We love, honor and cherish hope. We pray for more hope. The worst thing most of us can imagine is giving up hope. And whether or not we are religious, we like to pray to whatever God we believe in to get what we want. We may pray to the internet Gods that we find the right answer to our dilemma. We might pray to the medical Gods that our IVF be successful. We might look up the sky with our hope on display that the power that lights the stars grants us our wishes. Or we may pray the traditional way, hands folded or on our knees, head bowed, Dear God, please grant me my heart’s desire.
I suggest giving up the beggarly quality that is associated with hope for something in the future. I suggest giving up the groveling quality that we often bring to prayer. Asking or hoping that some future thing out there be granted is about as effective as Sit and Be Fit exercises for cardiovascular health.

Oh, did I pray and hope and grovel and beg. And search and research and beg some more. And I could feel the almost palpable recognition that I didn’t have any faith in what I was doing. A mere shred of weak hope, which kept me begging for more. Only to be disappointed again, and back on the neverending ycle of hope and despair.

So, if we give up these weak ideas of hope and prayer, what is left? True hope. True prayer. It doesn’t come out of the brain, but directly out of the heart. It does not project itself in the future, but emerges right now, in all its power and glory.

Finding True Hope and True Prayer

The heart holds a wisdom that the Chinese call Xin. It surpasses the intellect many-fold. The way it manifests best is like this:

Trust with all your being the highest power imaginable, and give yourself totally to it. Your life becomes the prayer. Hold in your heart the feeling of your greatest desire, and prepare to do anything and everything to allow its unfolding. Hold this feeling between whatever thoughts cross your awareness, in the moment, all day long, and you transcend the limited paradigm that makes you feel you have to beg for your birthright.

Hold this intention with gratitude, confidence, and indifference, and you open the door to creation itself.

Life is created by the friction of opposites. Egg, sperm; proton, electron; sunlight, water. Most of us are aware of these opposing forces, but aren’t that comfortable with the idea of friction. We prefer love over fear; joy over sorrow, peace over violence.

Have you ever witnessed a woman giving birth? She is usually not in a state of peace and joy. There is often screaming pain, agony, and a violence inherent in the process of new beginnings.

Yet, how often do we try to find a way to live that only includes peace, happiness, and joy? We don’t have the luxury of living only on the light side of the spectrum. Life emerges from the dark. There is no escape from this fact. In order to live life fully, we must face the darkness. Our darkness. The place inside that scares us.

The S-curve in the center of the yin-yang symbol represents the ever-changing dynamic flow between the positive and negative forces. This represents harmony. I don’t see harmony as a static, stoic state where these forces are balanced as if one is tip-toeing on a tight rope trying to maintain control, but where the life forces are ever calling us to expand to encompass them all. Equanimity might be a better word. I like to think of balance or equanimity as being able to wear the entire spectrum of life’s experiences loosely. If I’m happy I can be fully happy until the happy mood passes. As well, if I am sad, I can fully grieve and cry until the mood passes. There is nothing static about it. It is dynamic and full.

I met with someone earlier this week who told me, “We’ve done everything right. We’re good people. We live good lives. We help others. Why can’t we be blessed with a child?” I immediately felt the heartache of this common misunderstanding: that if we live according to the rules of our church and society, we should be rewarded.

Yet life does not endow itself only to the good. Life comes through the courageous spirit. It does not sit around waiting to come through the faint of heart do-gooders. The earth is more fertile and brings forth bounty even more fiercely after a forest fire or flood.

I watch women step out of the conditioned rules of their upbringing in order to transform their lives into their highest expression possible. Believe me, this is not a sweet little process of positive affirmations. It often involves heart wrenching realizations and snot slinging cry sessions. But in the end there is stillness. There is the dynamic interplay of the positive, ready to take over when the negative has been faced. Life embraces the full spectrum of the living.

Somebody asked me recently, “Where in the world do I fit?” She had just experienced the shocking realization that IVF may not be her answer… a baby may not even be her answer. That, in fact, living the family life may not be her answer.
Most of my early life was spent trying to find a place where I fit. I believe I have lived in about 34 different places now. Scanning back over my past, it seems like I have lived many lives in these 52 years. I’ve had multiple career paths, relationships, husbands, children… chapter after chapter, none of them made me fit. My children have often commented how I am not the typical mom. I don’t hang out with other mothers. I never did the playgroup thing. I don’t like parties and large social gatherings. And yet I anguished over the fact that no matter where I went or what I tried, I didn’t fit in. It seems that I dance to music that the rest of the world doesn’t hear.

One day I realized the most obvious thing in the world: “I don’t fit.” What a relief!

A friend pointed out a biblical conveyance of this understanding:

“The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to rest His head.”

Now, I know this wasn’t talking about not fitting in with cultural or societal expectations. It is referring to a much deeper truth that the essence of what we truly are, at the core of being itself, cannot be contained. It has no home upon the earth. It will not fit into roles. Yet, do I live this every waking moment? No. I still try to find a place to rest my head. What life situation is going to give me everlasting peace? None. No relationship, no child, no health condition, no financial situation will ever give me rest. Because what I am at the core of my being is peace itself. It doesn’t need a place to rest its head.

Without looking one moment into the future, where do you fit, right now?

Without the child, the happy family, or the image of a happy future?

Can you notice that even the attempt to make yourself or your life fit into any prescribed image makes you discontent?

Again, I am reminded of the Descartes’ philosophy, “I think, therefore I am,” which I could never wrap my mind around. When I don’t need to think or imagine my life into a particular way of being, I can rest in the realization that I am. That’s enough. I don’t need to fit. When we aren’t trying to fit into the world, perhaps life has an easier time coming through us. After all, children aren’t little pre-existing beings looking for a place to fit in. They are the unborn expression of that which is uncontained.

I grew up with the notion that we were born into our circumstances; and it was up to us to make maximum use of them to create the life we wanted to live. If there was anything in my life that was unsatisfactory, it was my job to fix it. With this type of attitude, unfortunately most of my life was seen as unsatisfactory. I had a lot to remedy.
I did not want to be held by the geography, religion, or familial expectations the way my forbearers were. I lived following this restless urge to find something, live something, do something useful with my life, and I did. I left home at 18 and with great vigor, attained a couple of professional degrees, husbands and kids. I created the life I wanted, and created a vision of myself along the way. And yet, it left me unsatisfied. None of these things could satisfy the urge. Each attainment would leave me in pursuit of what was missing. The pursuit was exciting, however. I loved the seeking, finding, attaining and moving on. I travelled and lived around the world, never finding home.

Recently, however, my life circumstances halted me. And in the stopping came the recognition that nothing was missing, except the feeling that something was missing. Now, instead of creating my life, I am letting life create itself through me. Paradoxically, the more life circumstances are seen just to be present circumstances, the more they transform themselves into a reflection of me.

I don’t create my life anymore. Standing naked and alone, it is as if an ease of being that was always present can finally express itself, unimpeded by my attempts to fix it. I don’t fix myself anymore, either. After years of trying to purify the body, perfect the mind, and rectify psychic and emotional disturbances, I can see that like the rest of life, it is all just fine the way it is. The Randine project is over. What a relief. Now I can attend to life as it comes. When my attention needs to be brought into recognition of something to tend to, it is effortlessly there when it’s needed. There is no more need to figure it out.

When the body moves into disharmony, an effortless awareness tends to bring it back into harmony. When thoughts agitate the mind, they are seen just to be passing thoughts. When any emotional disturbance asks for attention, it is there. Life is an ever changing, ever self-correcting mechanism where I am merely a participant. And yet, I help people to heal for a living. It can seem confusing that when we stop trying to manipulate life, it comes through unimpeded and bountiful. So what is healing about? For me it is the deep recognition that there is one source of healing, and it isn’t me. My job is to follow it, help others tune into and follow it, and let the miracles flow.

My husband and I sat waiting for Dr. X at XYZ fertility clinic for our consult. XYZ is revered as one of the top three fertility clinics in the world. The meeting was a regroup after the third of three failed IVF rounds. I was 42, we had had 3 late first trimester miscarriages, 3 failed IVF rounds, and more medical and health interventions than should be recounted here.
I sat at the consult table feeling deeply flawed somehow, a failure, and like a walking infertility diagnosis: age-related elevated FSH, decreased ovarian reserve, Luteal Phase Defect, MTHFR, miscellaneous autoimmune and blood clotting disorders, impaired adrenal function… The message from Dr. X was definitive: “your FSH is too high, there is less than 1% chance you will ever be able to have a healthy baby using your own eggs, and XYZ clinic will no longer work with you on your fertility challenges if you insist on using your own eggs.”

My husband sat there numb as Dr. X left the room. We felt like we’d just been delivered a death sentence. Desperation, sadness, and hopelessness filled the air. Yet from deep within me, every fiber of my being rejected the doctor’s words… It took all I could not to scream out loud “I AM fertile, I CAN have a baby on my own using MY OWN eggs, and I don’t believe anything you just told me!” I walked out of the clinic feeling the fierceness of my own truth and KNOWING that our child was waiting to join us. All I had to do was get the recipe right. I resolved that day to find another way.

A month later I attended my first Fertile Soul retreat with Dr. Randine Lewis. While I kept getting treated for various Western medicine-diagnosed fertility challenges, I embraced the Fertile Soul method. I devoured Dr. Lewis’ books, integrated her teachings into my daily routine, from food choices to fitness to TCM. My spirit shifted from “trying to conceive” to “receiving,” as I opened myself to the gifts the universe was offering. During a meditation at my final Fertile Soul retreat, Randine whispered in my ear, “You already have all you need.” It was exactly the message I needed.

One year later we had a healthy pregnancy. Our son George, the love of our lives, an absolute miracle too good to be true, was born in May 2010. I was 43 years old. He is now 14 months old and more perfect than we ever imagined. We are madly in love with our little boy! Dr. Lewis’ teachings and the practices I learned at Fertile Soul retreats were essential in enabling us to have our little miracle baby. And The Fertile Soul restored in me a sense of hope and possibility about the future, no matter what it held. We do not have adequate words to describe our gratitude for the love and support we received from The Fertile Soul team and for the role they have played in making our most precious dream come true. The trials, tribulations, and heartbreak we experienced over a 8 year fertility journey have disappeared into the past and our new reality is one filled with joy, love, triumph, and wonder. During one of the Fertile Soul retreats I attended, all of the attendees took a moonlit swim in the lake behind the retreat center. My heart was so full from the beauty and hope that surrounded me that I wrote this poem that night:

The Winds of Grace

The winds of Grace are always blowing

The Goddesses dance in the sacred lake

Calling your name

Come to me

Come home, my Precious Child

Let the Angels be your guide

Your laughter and music Echo across the firmament

I can hear you!

I raise my sails high to meet you at the gate with my heart open and my arms wide

Provide safe passage Holy Mother, Blessed Creator

Open the gate wide and light the way

The winds of grace are always blowing

The Goddesses dance in the sacred lake

Calling your name

Come to us

Come home to us Precious Ones

Let the Angels be your guide

To anyone considering attending a Fertile Soul retreat, all I can say is: don’t wait another day! It will change your life.

The infant’s first need; stimulated by an urge.A cry is uttered.
The mother responds.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on.

A longing to share this love, stimulated by an urge.
A need is felt in one.
The lover responds.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on.

A desire to bring forth new life, stimulated by an urge.
A hormone is released.
The cell receives it.
The inner cascade discharges.
The egg is released.
It opens up to receive.
No effort, no teaching. Life goes on.

A desire to help life along arises.
The brain seizes. The chemicals halt their release.
We try to make life.
The cell closes its receptors.
We try harder.
The egg isn’t released.
We look for teachers, healers, doctors, fixers. Life stagnates.

The mother’s cry is received.
An effortless hand is extended.
Life – it’s already within you, waiting for you not to help.
Let us return you to your receptivity.
No effort, no teaching, so life can go on.

To take on the experience of a body is to come face to face with longing. Our whole life is seemingly spent looking for something to relieve longing. From our very first breath we long for the next, each beat of the heart longs for the next. We long for food and drink so that it can be assimilated into flesh and bone so that we can ease the longing to move around from place to place so that we can long for more food and drink. We long to be warm when we are cold, we long to be cool when we are hot. We long to love and be loved. Longing is the constant stateless state. All longing is the longing for the recognition of one's true love which is ones own true self. We can spend our whole life looking outward for something to satiate our longing when this that we are looking for is within. This that we are longing for is what already is. It is not something out there in the future that needs to be acquired.
When one recognizes longing to be the creative driving power of the universe, the juice that drives creation, one's heart can open to the rapturous effulgent love that longing longs for and is. Each particle of the universe is shining with the longing that radiates from your heart, the heart of hearts that can be felt in every cell to be glowing with unconditional love. All you do is for this love, by this love, anytime and every time.

Instead of either suppressing this natural desire or focusing outward on the object of your desire, feel the source of this longing itself; notice that it is always with you. You need not try to do anything with it or manipulate it in any way because it is always perfectly and absolutely complete in every moment as this clear radiant presence that you are and everything is right here and right now just longing to love and loving to long. Keep turning it back to your own heart. Let your heart break open to more longing. Take it in, open up fully to it and breathe it into the source of life, the Dan Tien (the creative center in the pelvis).

This eternal longing never comes and goes. It is not something that one needs to conger up because it is always present and is always announcing itself. It is the very longing of creation that already moves you along. Don’t run from it. Don’t grab for it. Use it.

The egg that is now me used to be inside my grandma! That’s right – the egg that became me spent five months inside the womb of my grandmother as my mother and her ovaries were developing during her pregnancy. And the eggs that became my children developed during my mother’s pregnancy with me! Doesn’t that just send you back in time!
Chinese medicine has a beautiful process known as “Tonifying our ancestors.” When we get into the real depths of healing at our retreats, we have the potential to overcome even that which has been passed through our DNA from our mothers, fathers, grandparents, great-great grandparents, on and on. Not too many years ago I found out that my great grandfather was an alcoholic who killed himself. This was the deepest, darkest secret of our hidden but shameful past. And although I didn’t know about it within my thoughts, its message had been passed into my very cellular makeup, and came into this existence as shame.

Cellular biologist Bruce Lipton, in his book, the Biology of Belief, says that our thoughts and beliefs impact the functioning of our cellular makeup more than any other factor in our lives, and even overrides messages contained in our DNA. Dr. Candace Pert says that the Body IS the subconcious mind, carrying out and responding to the deep held emotional messages that we provide it. This new knowledge can feel overwhelming, but it can also liberate us from all physical, mental, emotional and spiritual limitations and place us in the realm of the miraculous, where limitless potential exists.

We are so much more than our habitual patterns; more than our life circumstances, roles, personal identify and point of view. Although most of us get lost in the trance of social, religious, and family conditioning, there is a part of us that is incorruptible, that resides in the place known as the unborn, where we have access to spiritual healing that goes far beyond physical adjustments and repetitive mental affirmations that merely make us feel better about our present conditioned lives. But we must have the courage to go into these places and stop the cycle of repetition before we can reach this place of divine healing.

This is also the place where life comes into existence in all forms, the place from which light, healing and wellbeing spring. This is the majestic and timeless realm of unbounded potential, the primordial vibration where all true healing comes. This is the Source, where you are nourished by the primal source of all life where the energy of the life force surrounds you. Here you are entirely loved, entirely cared for, entirely supported. Energy, nourishment and life surround you.

When life feels overwhelming, and you feel like running away from the accumulated conditioning, we teach our patients to go counter to the habitual reflex, stop and go within. Move away from the reaction and return to the source. This is the place where my shame dissolved, where my ancestry was healed, and where the cycle stopped reproducing itself in my offspring.

Here we are freed from all limitations, existing in the timeless, beyond all boundaries. Beyond all thoughts, limitations, and perceptions. Return to the center. The womb of the universe, the inner structure of the mind, the power and source of what you actually are. The unified field of all that exists everywhere, before your grandmother was even born, and beyond the time when your grandchildren have passed.

Here you are connected to; in fact you are, the pulsing creation of all of life. You contain the pure essence of the creative power of the universe.
This is the place where true fertility resides. This is the place where the souls of your unborn children arise. You are always there, together.

This is your essential, original, highest self. Here you are perfectly as you should be. You are embodied potential, uniquely made to fulfill your distinct purpose. Your compelling task is to understand and fulfill this destiny. When you are aligned with your own highest purpose, the forces that structure all of creation are at your service. All powers of universal consciousness come to support your highest, most evolved self.

This primordial vibration is at this very moment waiting for your recognition within your own body. It pulses within your cells, beats through your heart, breathes through your lungs, digests in your gut, and resounds deep within your mind and your whole being; within your ovaries and deep within your womb. It is the silence beyond even your mind, the sound of all that is, all that ever was, and all that ever will be. This is the sound of creation, the sound of yourself.

We discuss these opposing but complementary energies throughout our retreat process – yin (dark, feminine), and yang (light, masculine). Most Western civilization is drawn toward the light and away from the dark. This goes into our rejection of the feminine and glorification of masculine power. It plays itself out in the reproductive medical process, too.
Look at some of the damaging diagnostic terms that come directly out of womens' medical files:

Even if fertility challenges are due to male factor (commonly known in the medical records as the impotent title “male factor”), it is still the woman who goes through the procedural processes, and it is she who ends up with further diagnostic labels:
Poor responder;
Poor quality eggs (not poor quality sperm or embryos; poor quality EGGs);
IVF failure;
Habitual aborter

Women are conditioned to be pretty, nice, quiet, subservient, and not show powerful emotions like anger. Men, on the other hand, are conditioned to be strong, to fix things, and not show “weak” emotions like sadness and sorrow. As such, both men and women become stuck in impotent roles where they are not empowered to reach into the depths of their real power to access their true healing capacity.

Women are most powerful when they can access their deepest power; not their pretty, subdued exteriors, but their inner volatility. And men can be most powerful when they can reach into the potent underbelly of their rejected softness.

I happen to think that we spend way too much time running from the perceived darkness, in our quest to move closer to that which is yang, active, vibrant, and light.

In our movement toward that which feels pleasurable and good, we reject and miss that which feels uncomfortable, scary, and dark, but that is where our most potent healing occurs – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I don’t believe we were put into this dual existence to only pursue the light. By seeking pleasure and avoiding pain we miss the secret entrance into the unborn, the place prior to light and dark, male and female, where our true potency, virility, and fertility reside.

And while many of us pursue our latent tendencies in the opposite gender, every one of us has the full complement of yin and yang within. We don’t need the other; we already have all we need within. But we must access our inner potency alone. We must courageously walk down the path where two cannot walk abreast, right into the void, where we experience the exquisite loneliness that our roles and even our connections don’t allow us to experience.

Although others can help you to reach the edge, nobody can actually accompany you in the leaping off place. Only when we realize we are totally alone, can we reach the place where our inner potency emerges and we realize that we can never be alone because we are that which is beyond otherness, beyond two-ness. We are the one itself, showing up as separate, as two, as three, and as the ten thousand things.

Here we are unconditionally whole, where we live in the divine paradox of the unknown. Yin is as good as yang. Together they make up the Tao, where all is perfect. Nobody is more or less special than anyone else. Here in fact, nothing is sacred because there is nothing here that is not sacred.

So, I don't know about you, but I was renewed by all of you on the call. When I saw your names on the RSVP list there was such a sense of connection with all of you. It was like living the past five years and eighty-some retreats in a moment. The Fertile Soul journeys each of you have been on with us, with each other, at times by yourself... to connect with you all on the call was beyond what I could have hoped.
I know most of you didn't get a chance to say anything, but your energy was part of the group anyway. I hope you will be able to continue here on the site. I know some of you have had biological children, some have adopted. Some of you are pregnant right now. Some are living fully without children. Yes, this is fertility - how life is expressing itself, richly and abundantly, exactly as it is supposed to be.

Some of the books we spoke about were:

The Body Is the Subconscious Mind, by Candace Pert
The Biology of Belief, by Bruce Lipton
When the Body Says No, by Gabor Mate, and
Is Your Body Baby Friendly, by Alan Beer

I hope you were able to feel a sense of renewal and whatever that means for you: Lighting your candles, renewing your meditations, getting motivated to detoxify, reconnecting with your Fertile Soul sisters, bringing yourself back to retreat (no matter how long it's been; no matter what you are going through)...

Remember, the body is constantly renewing itself. With every breath you take, you are renewing yourself. How are your mind and emotions being renewed? How is your life being rejuvenated? What if you were nearing the end of your fertility journey? What would you do differently? What if you were nearing the end of your life journey? What would you do differently? This is about your one life, and living in the fullest, most abundant expression of your precious life. Remember that you are the miracle, you are the gift. Let the rest of your life emerge through that. We are here for you, and we welcome you wherever you are.

With so much love and appreciation for sharing your journey with me,
Randine

The renewal retreat format will continue where you left off in the Foundations retreats. Now that you have the basics covered, and how to live a more balanced life, here is where we dive into the deep end, no matter what you are dealing with.
We continue to help you move out of struggle and survival mode, where conception is almost impossible for those who have been challenged with fertility issues.

You will receive restorative and transformative acupuncture, massage, and the ever healthy, ever popular spleen qi diet!

We use the Taoist alchemical process of the five elements as they pertain to body, mind and spirit, transforming stuck or held beliefs and limiting emotions into their highest energetic component:
Fear becomes wisdom.
Anger becomes compassion.
Worry becomes intention.
Grief becomes courage.
And lack of joyful expression becomes unconditional love for all of life.

We go beyond self help processes and “fix-it” mode into living in the space which never needed fixing.

Yet, we often have a lot of conditioning to undo first. So, we use a multi-modality process of group process, transformative inner meditation, therapeutic movement, body wisdom techniques, art therapy, dynamic qi gong, and then whatever else comes up.

Although we will have a set schedule, we will let the combined energy of the group dictate which processes we will use for the maximal benefit.

Learning from our symptoms
Rewriting the body’s messages
Living intimately in relationship
Shifting paradigms
The energetics of emotional transformation
Stress free living
Dream share
Using crisis as an opportunity for change
Evolving to our pure potential
Element Typing
Inquiry for the soul
Messages from the unborn
A new map for living
Transforming the self when things don’t turn out the way you had planned
Recognizing life issues through the seven stages

Regardless of our life experience, we all intuitively know in our depths that life is inherently peaceful, and meant to be lived unconditionally. New life emerges when we can end the war within. Let’s stop the struggle. We all need renewal – a place to recharge our spirits, nourish the body, and replenish the soul. Your basic nature is an abundant wellspring of being. Let’s find it together.

(Retreats, Lessons from Nature)
One of our dear Fertile Soul sisters asked a very poignant question about beginning the process again. She has a beautiful son now, who did not come easily. The journey brought her to the point where it consumed her life - mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. The medical portion was traumatic as well, and was full of protocols, fear, and micromanaging anxiety. Her question was, how can she move from the memory of that trauma into welcoming a child into a life-embracing, no effort, miracle space. And further, what gives her the best chance being over forty with a history of high FSH?

Let's comb out some specifics, so we can get to the real issue.

First of all, with high FSH as part of the history, aggressive hormonal stimulation protocols are not recommended. Not only will your ovaries tend to remain non-responsive to the FSH, I think it would also bring back the physiologic reminders of shots, poor response, anxiety and fear. Perhaps trying naturally can become a process of moving into some non- or low dose stimulation protocols. Get as healthy as you can taking care of yourself with a toddler running around. I'd recommend the spleen qi diet, kidney tonic herbs, OPC, and fish oil to begin with.

Now, the bigger issue - when "trying" resumes, how can you stay out of the fight? Chances are, every step of the way may feel like a reminder of past "failures" and may pull you into anxiety producing places that you might not want to revisit. I look at this, though, as a chance to revisit the same place with a totally different, life affirming attitude. I imagine a battlefield where the ground had been trampled of all life and then lay dormant and fallow until new, fresh life emerges, regardless of what went before. Life still wants to emerge.

Everything that you experienced before will be held in the cells until it can encounter the same situation again, this time without the fight. So imagine going back to the field, where there is no longer a battle, inviting new life to emerge. What areas of your life need to be watered, aerated, nourished, or brought out into the sunlight? And every time you revisit a seeming "old" place in a new way, the old response can become compost for fresh growth.

If you come to a retreat we can work specifically with you on those issues, reprogramming the body into new life affirming approaches through our body wisdom groups. Every pregnancy is new. Every menstrual cycle is new. Every life is new. I hope we can welcome in another miracle with you.

(Lessons from Nature, Other Stuff)
An issue that has been surfacing for many Fertile Souls seems to be the tendency for becoming overwhelmed by "healing" options. Acupuncture, herbs, chiropractic, dietary interventions, nutritional supplements, hypnotherapy, homeopathy, yoga, healing touch, massage, mind-body classes... all these efforts to become healthier can actually cause more stress than they are trying to alleviate.

There are many fabulous services available to us these days, with relatively easy access. So, how do we know when to say no to too many adjunctive therapies? Even positive changes can be perceived as stressors as far as the body is concerned.

My rule of thumb - pick one or two outside services at a time. Give it adequate time to see if you are experiencing measurable, noticeable changes. If not, move onto something that resonates with you and gives you demonstrable levels of improvement. I used to check in with my patients each week with the improvements they were noticing. Were they feeling better physically, mentally and emotionally? Did they have a greater sense of wellbeing? More hope? Were there tangible changes that they noticed in their menstrual cycle? Were they experiencing fewer negative symptoms than before? If not, their body isn't responding to the therapy. Time to try something else.

Also, regarding testing - lab tests are done for one purpose - to find what's wrong and invite therapy or intervention. If you go to a practitioner who advises that you take blood tests, saliva tests, or some other tool of examination, it is your option to say yes or no. If you say yes, be prepared to follow up with the therapy they recommend, or else don't take the test.

One of the reasons I was so drawn to Chinese medicine is that it was a full system by itself. Our tools for diagnosis are already within - tongue, pulse, appearance, and inquiry. The results of diagnostic tests provide recommendations for lifestyle adjustments, dietary changes, herbal remedies, and of course, needles to adjust the energy. But I never institute a therapy that the patient does not embrace, or the results will likely be nil. In one of our classics of Chinese medicine called the Su Wen, it states in chapter 11: "if one does not accept being treated and cured, do not treat him." Therapies cannot be imposed.

Another recommendation is that if there is any question about whether to move on to another form of therapy, don't. Let it set with you for awhile. Bring it into the space of quiet within. When it feels right, it will reveal itself to you. The inner wisdom never lies.

NATURE, NURTURE, AND THE POWER OF LOVE –THE BIOLOGY OF CONSCIOUS PARENTING

I have been blown away by Bruce Lipton’s DVD, “Nature, Nurture, and the Power of Love.” This movie was recommended by one of our new Fertile Soul CEFP clinicians, and we purchased it to show at this last retreat. The retreat participants raved about the movie, so last night after retreat was over I watched it.

I had been aware of Bruce Lipton’s work in The Biology of Belief, but this movie potentized my previous understanding of his work and its relationship to fertility.
The most uncanny aspect was that much of what we had been teaching during the Fertile Soul Retreats was explained in this movie!

He gave a beautiful scientific explanation of how the potential for the upcoming life is predicted by chromosomal selection in the egg and sperm the few months preceding ovulation and fertilization. And the prime determinant is the parents’ perceptions of their environment.

The subconscious fears and negatively held beliefs become imprinted on the genetic potential of the upcoming life. These have been patterned in us by the unfinished business we inherited from our parents, grandparents, and their parents and grandparents. All of these subconscious programs are carried in our DNA, and held deep within in the most primal aspect of our brains; and we are completely unaware of them. They do, however project through our awareness, as how we perceive the world and respond accordingly. It manifests as how the world appears to us. It may feel threatening. It may feel as if we have to fight for everything we have ever had and ever will have in this life – including our wished for child. Then this is projected out into our environment and creates our reality. If our most primal programming includes deeply held beliefs such as:

I don’t deserve a child;
I must fight for everything I get;
The world is unfair and doesn’t cooperate with me;
I am flawed…

This then becomes authenticated in our life situation. The inviolate laws of nature again prove their wisdom – new life doesn’t tend to come easily to a body/mind littered with this programming. What we project comes back to us as our reality. And although we may remain unaware of these inner dictates, we are aware of the feelings they deposit: anger, fear, worry, and unrelenting grief.

Dr. Lipton went on to talk about how the fetal brain develops according to parental programming and sets it up for life. This then becomes reinforced during early childhood. And although he talked about how we set up the lives of our children through our own thoughts and beliefs, he didn’t delve into how this impacts fertility. He left us with the understanding that although we can't reprogram these messages through force, they may be reprogrammed. This is where the movie ended.

My mind took over and filled in the blanks based on the work The Fertile Soul has been doing for years. Most of the people who come to retreat have been programmed to believe that they can deny what is hidden and overwrite subconscious programming through positive affirmations – I’m strong, I’m fertile, there’s no fear, I am not anxious, and that this self talk will create a new reality. And the sad truth shows up again and again and again that it can’t. The inner programming wins every single time. We may temporarily feel better by focusing on the positive, but until the inner work is done, true change isn’t realized.

The Fertile Soul body/mind/spirit process begins with our Foundations program where we look at how our conscious life expresses itself. We begin by taking stock of our lives. What are the physical manifestations of our life? How is our physical body expressing its health or lack of health? What do our symptoms and lab results indicate? How do we feel? What are the manifestations of our lifestyle, which appear as our present life situation? Then we learn to relate to our body and mind in new ways that take us away from our unconscious programming and literally begin to reprogram us toward more conscious and healthy ways of relating to life.

We uncover the residual deposits of subconscious negativity – showing up as negative emotional responses to life. This isn’t easy, but when an individual courageously goes within to challenge the subconscious, new possibilities emerge.
We can begin to see how we might be reacting to fears we weren’t even aware existed.

Taking fear as the example: we look at some of the fears that may be present in our body/mind. Through our group exercises, an individual might become aware of this internal message: “I don’t deserve unconditional love (of a child.)” This will manifest in their life as the inability to express and find unconditional love. Chinese medicine and Taoist approaches to healing recognize that deeply held fears are held in the hindbrain, and manifested internally in the lower body governed by the kidney system of energies where we choose between protection or an open receptivity to life. This is then translated into hormonal messages through the hypothalamus, pituitary, adrenal and gonadal axis and becomes the reality of the reproductive process. Modern medicine now can back up this premise of ancient healing: we are constantly unconsciously choosing between protecting ourselves from life or becoming open to life.

The first way to overcome this programming is to recognize it and see it for what it is. We see and experience the physiologic response to fear coming from an internal message of unworthiness. When it has been brought out into the light of awareness, it NO LONGER HAS THE POWER TO SUBCONSCIOUSLY CONTROL OUR LIVES! It has been made conscious. Now the higher aspect of the brain, the prefrontal cortex, governed in Chinese medicine by the heart system of energies, can actually rewrite the negative programming. The kidney governs fear and survival; the heart governs love, joy, and the expression of our highest functioning in body, mind, and spirit.

When the light of the heart fire shines into the recesses of the depths of the kidney energies, a new possibility emerges. The relationship between the heart and the womb forms the basis of our ability to bring forth life. With almost no regard for age, lab values or disease diagnoses, this process can reverse most any fertility impediment. We see it over and over again – women in their forties giving birth after all else has failed them – sky high FSH values, poor ovarian reserve, empty follicle syndrome, poor sperm morphology, endometriosis, autoimmune processes… these literally dissolve when life begins, once again, to abide by the laws of nature.

And, of course, we facilitate this process with acupuncture, herbs, qi gong and meridian movement therapy, meditation, and the support of the group.

During our next Renewal Retreat, our five day focus will be on recognizing and rewriting these internal messages using the powerful traditional Chinese medical healing modalities.