Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Courage isn't the absence of fear, Aries, it is the absence of tarantulas. Keep your courage about you this month, and remember that fools rush in where angels fear to tread (the haunted angel house). Stand fast, skip slow, and jump medium. Do not hop under any circumstances. Sidle warily. Your cheesy 1920s gangster name is Clarissa T. Diamondface. Your lucky flightless bird is the Chubut Steamer Duck.