Follow me as I attempt to navigate this new life of becoming a young widow, single mom, and single girl with as much *ahem* grace as I can muster!

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Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Tipping Point

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have to make decisions. For some, they come easy. For me, not so much. I am a worrier. Always have been. I go to a catastrophic place all the time. I what-if myself out of a lot. I listen to the negatives that everyone throws at me, but none of the positives. I also have a really bad track record with making decisions. Most of the time I want to do something so badly that I just jump in. Headfirst. With no lifejacket. So now I find myself here, at my tipping point, making life-altering decisions.

I'm in a new relationship.
I just signed a lease for my own place.
I will be unpacking all of the things from my previous life and putting them on display.
I will be really starting my new life over, in a new location, just myself and my boys.
I am going with my gut for the first time in a long time.
I am scared out of my damn mind.

This comes at a time for me when so many things in my life are in flux. I am on the path of my second firsts and it was just right. I cannot be a scared little girl under the wing of my parents anymore. They have done so much for me, and for that I am FOREVER grateful. As scary as this tipping point is, it is something that needs to happen. I cannot and will not spin my wheels in the mud any longer. I have to allow myself to know that I can do this my myself, and the only way I will learn that is to just do it.

I need to learn how to live again.
I need to learn how to love again.
I need to learn how to be loved again.
I need to learn that it is okay to go forward.
I need to learn that going forward does not mean forgetting.
I need to learn that change is good yet uncomfortable.
I need to learn that comfort for the sake of not changing isn't necessarily a good thing.

Like I said, there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to make decisions.