Let me be a grandma for a second and talk about the “Goldie Oldies,” or the “Good old days” Or “Way back when” or “When I was a kid…”

First… some explanation as to why I’m donning a bonnet & jumping in a caddy with my walking stick, and a pocket full of werthers caramels, and a bunch of stuffed animals in the back of my car (okay I’ll stop). I logged on to BreakingDawnMovie.org to catch up on what’s going on in Vancouver & I saw this:

Ashley Greene looking like someone ate half of Ashley Green’s legs. No seriously. Where did they go?

Gill Burmingham shows up sans wheelchair & looking jacked

and Kristen also arrived in Vancouver- but that was too boring to even grab a picture.

And.That’s.IT! The CAST is in Vancouver. There are no pictures of them together. There are no dinners out. Lunches in. Dance parties. WHY, Twilight gods, WWWWWWWHY!?

If the boringness of airport arrival photos wasn’t enough, I had to click on a link about celebrity roommates and see THIS:

FAKE LEZZIES FTW!

with the caption:

Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart: The Twilight castmates bunked up while filming New Moon in Vancouver. “We didn’t go out that much,” Reed told Us. Instead, she said that cast would “go to group dinners a lot. Peter Facinelli is a great cook and so he made us pasta.”

(They mean “Italiano,” of course) Sniff! Do you remember it? I don’t really mean the fake lesbianship- although I sort of do- but I mostly mean THE FRIENDSHIP, The discussions of the friendship & the knowledge that the cast actually likes each other.

A friend in Vancouver sent me an email after hearing the 100 Monkeys are gonna play Vancouver sometime soon. She asked what she thought the chance of the cast showing up would be. I answered:

100 monkeys are gonna be in Vancouver: Will Twihards show? YES
Will Robsten? HELL NO. Will cast members whose names we can’t remember show? Probably

And this is what makes me sad: I bet Rob & Kristen haven’t talked to Jackson since last day of filming Twilight. During the first filming we used to hear stories about how they holed up in each other’s hotel rooms, singing songs, drinking & bonding late into the night. Now everyone is so divided. I wonder if the cast divides along Nonsten/Robsten lines like the fandom does? If so who do you think swings which way? Nikki is Nonsten, obviously. I bet Taylor is Robsten. Just because he’s seen the bear-skin rug in person so he knows the magicness is real. Ashley is probably Nonsten too but only because she refuses to believe a guy could fall for any other girl before she hooks up with him. Do you think Bill Condon has a side? Stephenie? You’re welcome to write an anonymous comment today to let us know. Just call yourself “The Original” and we’ll know it’s you.

WHY is it that when cast group news or pictures emerge it’s just about the new vampire covens that no one really cares about? Why can’t everyone in the cast we care about just get alone? Why must they ruin our fantasies that movie-making is magical & beautiful and isn’t, at the end of the day, like a “job” anyone else goes to!? Even I go to a happy hour with my co-workers on occasion. After a shoot, walk down the street to the closest bar & get crunk together! Get Taylor & Kristen fake IDs. Do shots off Kellan’s washboard abs! Get Kristen to sing “Back to December,” dedicated it to Taylor during karaoke. Play SPIN THE BOTTLE and get video of Jackson & Ashley’s make-out. Ask Peter to cook you ITALIANO every night! Just please please PLEASE be friends again. For just a few more weeks while you’re finishing up in Vancouver. These are the BEST days of your lives. You’ll miss them when they’re gone. One day you’ll be an old grandmother like me, wishing for the years of your youth.

OMG stop the presses and hand me my heart meds because apparently there IS one person in Baton Rouge with a camera!!!!! I know this is shocking for you all too since no one’s seen an outsider since the town was established hundreds of years ago and so of course new fangeled technology like a camera must be frightening. But come here, I’ll hold you while we get over our surprise and shock and fear.

Sure it may be Jackson Rathbone with a fan near a See’s Candy Store but STILL it is SOMETHING! This gives me hope for your city and that maybe this little fan moment is a turning point. Maybe Jackson and his weird hat and Jasper-esque jacket (you are not on set Jacky!) broke down the walls for everyone to start snapping those shutters and maybe we’ll just be in a deluge of pictures till they leave… Or maybe I’m entranced by Jackson’s awkward facial expression in this picture and Vancouver and their paps will wipe the floor with your silly town.

xoxo,
Moon

PS I still love you Baton Rouge, but hire some girl scouts with cameras or out of work mall Santas to take some pictures.

Who’s ready for some premarrital counseling?!

Dear Kellan,

OK, SOMEONE call up Beyonce cause someone put a ring on it! Fess up Kellan, was it AnnaLynn? Was she tired of dodging in and out of that shady no-tell motel in Studio City or did you finally throw the ultimatum down: If she didn’t watch the entire McGee & Me series with you, it was done-zo, am I right?

You, Nikki Reed were quoted in something called Zink, talking about going to a party…
“I went with Kristen [Stewart, her Twilight co-star], who happens to be, like, my best friend now…”

Wait, squeeze me one second. Happens to be your best friend now? Operative word being “NOW.” Did we bury the hatchet ladies? Is this why the Fake Lesbian section in the LTT merch store mysteriously sold out? I gotta say I’m happy for you gals and for the fodder you HOPEFULLY will give us: sharing clothes, fights over ugly Nike’s, hand-in-hand jaunts through Vancouver, shopping trips where Taylor holds you purses while you’re in the dressing room! Or will it be smoothies and working out like you and Elizabeth Reaser in Vancouver during Eclipse filming, now? And this brings up another question, “What about Elizabeth?!” This is a bittersweet happiness. I am glad you two love birds are back together again.

xoxo,
Moon

As you can see there’s been some surprising news in the Twidom. What’s the best? A actual picture from Baton Rouge, Kellan with a ring or the FL’s back together again or whatever they are…

Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than lastyear after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:

Dear Twilight,

It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…

In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).

I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.

The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.

Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue…

Did you know that last night I threw a surprise 1 year anniversary party for UC and Moon? No I bet you didn’t. Know why? Cus I didn’t invite any of you. Know why? because I couldn’t afford the insurance it would have cost me to have people like Rob and Kellan and Taylor (especially Taylor) in the party with all you hungrily trying to get your piece. That’s right. I didn’t need Chris Hansen showing up at my attempt at a classy shindig for Moon and UC to celebrate Letters to Rob and Letters To Twilight’s 1st year anniversary. ‘Cus nothing dampers a party like implications of attempting to lure someone who’s underage into your bed. Anyways, the Twilight gang showed up. I know right? Amazing. Of course Jackson wasn’t there. I’m still not sure why… someone said something about a bad review of 100 monkeys and him “never getting past it”… psh. Whatever. We know things Jackson… Just be grateful we keep our mouths shut. So I got a chance to speak to some of the cast before they headed into the party… and I’ve got to say… they are ALL lovely. for the most part. sort of….

The first one on the carpet is Ashley… and she’s posing… she’s doing her best Susan Lucci and you’ve gotta love the girl for trying. Always the doll, she saunters over to me for a quick interview.

Why don't you ask me important things.. like why my hair is glittering like it's 1999?

Calliope: Ashley! Hey you look amazing… for once! okay twice maybe! who are you wearing?Ashley: Who am I doing? well tonight I’m doing a Followhill brother. Or maybe chase crawford… crap what city am I in? That’s how I decide.Calliope: I said who are you wearing not who are you doing.Ashley: Oh? what? sorry I got distracted by Nikki’s lame’ dress…Calliope: Right… anyways…so why are you here tonight? Why support LTT/LTR?Ashley: Well like I’ve said before… even though we all claim to not read the internet or worry over gossip about ourselves we actually REALLY REALLY love it. One of our favorite places to drop by is LTT. Kristen seems to also like LTR for some reason… I think it’s because she’s doing Rob. Anyways, the one day I was reading the site and it struck me… these girls REALLY get me. They’d written something about my purity ring and I mean… they get it. It’s totally cool to flaunt ones sexual assets without actually doing it. Men respect that. Men want that. And I’ve had plenty of men. And the ring was totally a symbol of me re-saving it for Jackson. And they just knew!Calliope: Your talking about your purity ring right Ashley?Ashley: Yes.Calliope: The purity ring you are noticeably not wearing right now.Ashley: Umm… oh… well… *laughs nervously* look at that… hrm… ahh…Calliope: I’m guessing Jackson’s not getting the re-saving anymore is he…Ashley: Oh look at the time…. nice meeting you…

Ashley stalks off… because she is clearly wanting to be ogled and i think she may have tried to flash her panties for just a little more attention. Right on her heels though is the gorgeous Kellan.

Hey Calli, baby...

Kellan: *flashes his million watt smile and it takes me just a few moments to understand where I am* Hello gorgeous.Calliope: Ummm… err…. uhhh…. hi.Kellan: *smiling… and waiting….*Calliope: Oh right. huh. yea. you want me to ask you a question. Why?!Kellan: *amused* why what doll?Calliope: why… uh… here?Kellan: Why am I here?Calliope: *shakes head… gulps*Kellan: Well at first I was apprehensive. It’s hard to live in the shadow of Rob and well, UC and Moon, they’ve got some serious Rob loving going on. but then I remembered the one post I read. and I knelt in prayer and knew what I had to do. So I’m here seeking forgiveness.Calliope: forgiveness? *turns on sexy voice* what could hunky, desirable, sex-a-licious you *CallI runs a finger up Kellan’s chest* have possibly done wrong?Kellan: please don’t do that. I am a person. Not just a hunk of man-meat for you to stare at.Calliope: *clears throat* umm… yes… sorry… of course not.Kellan: thank you.
Calliope: so you were saying… you are here for forgiveness.Kellan: *hangs head in shame* yes… I want to ask UC and Moon to forgive me for causing them to have impure thoughts in their youth. It was never my intention. *begins to tear up* Abercrombie lured me in with their plaids and catchy phrases… *lets out a huge sub* I DIDN”T KNOW! I SWEAR I DIDN’T KNOW!Calliope: *feels awkward* umm… of course not Kellan. *pats him lightly* there there.Kellan: excuse me *runs away bawling*

Kellan runs away bawling… and who should saunter up behind him but the joy of my existence. (Read the rest, after the jump) Continue…

It’s Halloween today! Did you forget like me and need a costume for that party you’re going to? Do you want to pay tribute to your love of Twilight in a subtle, non-fangirl, non bouffant and bella’s jacket sorta way? Well have no fear we’ve come up with some last minute costume ideas for the Twilight/LTT gal (and maybe their unsuspecting boy).

Fake Lesbians
This is a costume where you’ll need a close gal pal who is in on the Twilight gossip. Wear big nikes and tight denim. Sport a very surly attitude. Chair smoke ALL night. Never leave each other the entire night. Hold hands. Kiss if the mood is right. Bonus: bring along a third wheel boyfriend (feel free to call him an Italian spice), walk in holding hands as a threesome. Don’t pay attention to him all night.

100 monkeys
Wearing the bananagers banana costume, sneak into a zoo after it closed but right before the party. Find the monkey/chimp/gorilla cages. Let them all loose, befriend them, invite them to the party. Load them in your car and take them to the party. Give the primates instruments and play bad music all night. Write impromptu songs about Halloween candy and trick or treating or how much you love the girls on “slut-lo-ween.”