A Humorous Anecdote

Something happened and I don’t know what. It might have been the Cardboard and Steel miniseries. The long and the short of it is that, like the addict who performs “services” for crack rock, so too have I acquired a sweet tooth for continuity. The process was so insidious that I wasn’t even aware as the healthy portions of my mind were carted out in the night and replaced with the seeds of a thousand stories. In any case, this strip not only includes Frank, but kicks off a series of indeterminate length. God help us all.

I’ve gotten a few mails from humans, curious as to why I haven’t mentioned Homeworld 2 or Game X That Is The Best Game. I will tell you that I am in news shock. Multiplayer StarFox battles? What the fuck. The scrumptious Capcom 5, Steel Battalion Online? While I can keep up with it personally, when I start to really get into thinking about the possibilities, I lapse into a dormant state and must be revived via defibrillation. I’m so excited for this year’s E3 - like last year, it’s not generational. We can see things which represent nothing less than the ridiculous promises of these platforms made flesh. See? It’s happening again. I need to relax.

I think that shows like Ally McBeal made lawyers so cool that companies were falling over themselves trying to acquire their services. They craved the virtue that only comes from being able to outspend your opponent, as in Magic: The Gathering. I provide two examples, and neither of them are ones I could bring up from personal experience. Exhibit A, Anime Crash. Some guys had a Yahoo Group called Anime Crash, or at least they did, until a company acquired the rights to the domain “animecrash.com” and sent in the law dogs. Never mind that Anime Crash as a company is virtually nonexistent. Obviously, the Anime Crash guys have a petition they’d like people to sign, calling for a boycott of the company that is making such a big deal about their group. Fuck, that’s easy - I’ve never even heard of them.

Exhibit B is a lot of fun. You might have heard that the Playstation 3 would be shown behind closed doors at E3, and if you did, the source on that was probably Computer and Videogames - no matter where you read it. People who are really into news know that those guys over there post rumors so surreal, they bend the mind back in on itself. And for a site like PS3 Insider, whose bread and butter is every detail about that rightfully anticipated new system, clogging the discourse with fairy tales understandably displeases them. So they posted the following story, whose wording has since been changed, alluding to the tabloid nature of C&VG and using actual sources for their data, instead of scrying pools or peyote-inspired spirit journeys like some other sites. What’s that I hear? Is it the howling spectre of legal action???

Johnny Minkley
johnny_minkley@dennis.co.uk
Message: Hello,

I’ve been made aware of a story you’ve written in response to a news piece we
ran yesterday.

In the story by Andrew Watt, you write:
“C and VG being notorious for their inaccurate articles.” What you’ve
printed is libellous and I suggest you retract the remark immediately and issue
a full apology, or we’ll be forced to turn this into a legal matter.

Regards,
Johnny

Booga booga booga! We’re coming to get you, for saying something that everyone knows to be true. If you want to repair this widely held belief, perhaps you should post fewer lies - that’s going to be my recommendation. It’s possible that the mail above was just dry British humor. Maybe they’ll want to sue us too, if so, they can get in line.