Are kids more out of control than ever?

Q: Is it my imagination or are kids more out of control than ever before? For example, out in public I see children misbehaving and parents ignoring their behavior. What is going on?

A: The Family Project panel members are split on this one. Some say kids are the same as they've always been, and others say you're onto something and children's behavior is slipping to a new low.

Panelist Marcie Lightwood says lots of people teach their children how to behave in public, chuckling as she remembered a centuries-old quote from Socrates that illustrates her premise: ''Children nowadays are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food and tyrannize their teachers.''

''Children always challenge and defy control, but lately in restaurants, I see more children who are better behaved than ever, and parents who seem to always be talking to them and teaching them,'' she says.

Other panel members seemed to be dining in different eateries.

''Children are less monitored in public today,'' says panel member Denise Continenza, ''They aren't clear on the rules, but the rules have not been made clear to them.''

That's unfortunate, panel members say, because it is a parent's responsibility to make sure his child knows how to behave in public so his offspring can get along with people when they become adults.

''One of the roles of a parent is to teach socialization skills to their children to help them to behave and be received by others,'' says panelist Joanne Nigito.

''It is a positive skill for children to learn so that they can receive more positive rewards socially, like being accepted into a group of friends. By allowing misbehaving, parents are allowing their children to learn very poor communication skills as well as socializing skills,'' she says.

The reason more children are misbehaving, she continues, could be that more parents are misbehaving.

''There are more custody battles going on today,'' Nigito says, ''And boundaries have become hazy. Children have different rules from mom's house to dad's.

''Many parents do teach their children how to behave, but when parents are confused about other things,'' she says, sometimes that's what has to take precedence.

And if adults are fighting or rude or just behaving badly, that's what kids learn, Continenza says.

Sometimes you'll have a parent who will coddle a child, says panel member Bill Vogler.

''It happens when parents over-identify with their children. They want to be 'loved back.' That causes a child to be mixed up,'' Vogler says.

It's also true, Nigito says, that children exhibit different behavior in different settings.

''They may be fine in school, but difficult when they're out in public,'' she says.

But children who misbehave are nothing new, Vogler says.

''Parents said that in 1969, and now those 'kids' are retiring,'' he says.

Plenty of societal changes have occurred even since those years, panel members say. Perhaps Benjamin Spock is to blame for the sea change from parent-centered families to ones where the focus is on children.

Or perhaps the end of our agrarian culture and the loss of having extended family around was the beginning of the devolution of the family.

Still, ''Bad parenting has been around for a long time,'' Continenza says.

The Family Project is a collaboration between The Morning Call and parenting professionals brought together by Valley Youth Houses's Project Child, the Lehigh Valley's child-abuse prevention coalition.