Travel Jam: Lost Luggage

Lost Luggage And A Stressed Girlfriend: How Do You Man Up?

When you're on vacation, things can go south faster than you can say "Immodium." As a man, it's often your responsibility to steer the proceedings, whether its with your girlfriend, colleagues on a business trip, or group of buddies. You need to be able to take control to avoid the inertia that can come from being a foreigner, but you also need to stay on your hosts' good sides. How does an AM man handle himself? In our new series Travel Jams, we'll give you the best way to handle common SNAFUs that befall even the most experienced travelers.

The predicament

After a nail-biting year with bills and barely ducking the evil swing blade of corporate layoffs, you treat the special lady to a well-deserved week at Cap Cana in the Dominican Republic. However, after waiting around at the baggage claim for an uncomfortably long time, you find out your luggage has been lost by the airline, at least temporarily. With your broken, Taco Bell Spanish it becomes apparent that the customer service lady doesn’t know when or if they will arrive. Before you can even sigh, your girlfriend begins rambling off everything she needs to replace: lipstick, compact, toothbrush, bathing suit, morning wear, evening wear, contact lenses, eyeliner... You had no idea she packed like Paris Hilton. Now your hysterical woman and the nonplussed customer service lady are waiting for you to say something. The entire romantic getaway rests on your first step.

The Beta Male solution

“I’m sorry,” you say to your girlfriend. “Lo siento,” you say to the airport senora, as if them losing your bag is your fault. The spineless apologies only upset your girlfriend more. Afraid of public confrontation, you whisk her out into a cab. The driver takes you the long way to the expensive mall, where you buy anything your girlfriend wants in an effort to calm her. Your weak display and bloated credit card have already ruined the trip.

The Alpha Male-in-overdrive solution

While you only know a few Spanish swear words, you repeat them loudly to any nearby airport employee. This causes your girlfriend to cry. That pisses you off even more. You punch a wall, fracturing your hand. The rage haze passes and now you’re forced to learn about Dominican medical services. The airport employees assured you that the bags would be found just to get you out of there. However, they’re going to take their time in notifying you once they arrive, just to spite you. The start of your trip and your relationship is soured by your complete lack of restraint.

The AM man solution

When your girlfriend gets upset, just listen. Once she expunges her panic, she’ll feel better because your calm will let her know you’re in control. Tell the customer service lady that you realize it’s not her fault, give her your hotel information, and tip her $20. While you wouldn’t do that at home, this is the DR, tip anyone you want help from. Take your girlfriend to the hotel and tell her to nap while you go buy the essentials: deodorant, toothbrushes, a couple of cheap swimsuits. Also get a bottle of expensive rum and goofy sandals. The latter will make her laugh and booze will band-aid the problem. Slyly quip that if the bags don’t arrive, the rest of the vacation will be spent naked in the hotel.