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REAL HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS PHOTOCAP: A Mad Tea-Party

Major drama on last night’s episode of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Tensions between Lisa and Taylor finally bubbled over after the latter neglected to invite the former to a luncheon. Yes, Taylor made the passive-aggressive move to invite everyone to a luncheon except for Lisa, and wouldn’t you know it? Ms. VanderPump happened to call Kyle right as she was walking up to the event, and sure enough, Kyle spilled the beans. What are the odds that the producers insisted that Lisa place her call right at that moment?

Nevertheless, Taylor explained to the ladies that she didn’t invite Lisa because she didn’t want to face her judgments and sarcastic remarks. I suppose I could somewhat understand the rationale, but at the same time, if Taylor was going to invite everyone BUT Lisa, the gesture veers from self-empowerment to cattiness. As luck would have it, Lisa invited all the women over for the tea the next day. Surely nothing at a tea party could ever get uncivilised, yes?

Ah, but they did. Lisa wasted no time confronting Taylor about being left out — a positively non-English move to be so confrontational, I should note — and at first Taylor tried to hedge, but then her claws came out. She was ready to tussle, or perhaps more to the point: she wanted to go Oklahoma on Lisa’s ass.

Well, after a season and a half, we did get to see what going Oklahoma on one’s ass actually meant, and it wasn’t pretty. Taylor accused Lisa of always being mean to her and then launched into a sob story about how her life was awful and she needed strong women to be her friends, a goal that was undermined every single time Lisa reminded her that they weren’t in fact friends. One flaw with this complaint: Lisa never said they weren’t friends. As we all remember (and as Bravo was happy to point out), Lisa merely said, “I know we’re not the best of friends, BUT…” Taylor, however, only heard “We’re not friends,” which probably speaks to her own insecurities more than anything else. Sitting and watching Taylor accuse Lisa of these falsities over and over again was an exercise in frustration for us (and I can’t imagine how it was for Lisa).

Even when Lisa attempted to explain her side of the story, Taylor pulled the whole “LET ME FINISH” gambit, which was rather annoying as it simply meant we were stuck listening to Taylor moan about the things she had misinterpreted.

Taylor then accused Lisa of going around town telling people that she had no friends. The truth was — as far as we know — Lisa had merely stated that Taylor and Camille weren’t very close. Was it any of Lisa’s business? No. But is it the same as telling people that Taylor has no friends? Absolutely not. However, given Taylor’s insecurities about being accepted by the high society of Beverly Hills, anything merely suggesting that she might not have social capital is probably akin to a murder charge for her.

Of course, when Lisa tried to explain herself, Taylor repeatedly asked why her name was even coming up in the first place. Nothing irks me in arguments more than this stupid question. “WHY IS MY NAME COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?” — Brandi pulled that move just a few episodes ago. It’s a totally unrealistic question that affords the asker some faulty moral high ground, but the truth is that it’s highly conceivable that Taylor name (or anyone else’s for that matter) may have come up in a normal, non-gossipy way. Plus, let’s not forget that it was just last week that Taylor was grousing about Lisa to Kyle pre-seance. Last time I checked, that qualified as talking behind one’s back.

In fact, I’m not sure how one can be furious about gossip and then go on a TV show whose entire M.O. is to get its cast members to talk behind each other’s back. Even more ridiculous, after having accused Lisa of saying vile things behind her back, Taylor then tried to rally other people to her side, saying that EVERYONE had mean things to say about Lisa. It was a strange tactic: attack one woman for gossiping by citing all the gossiping you’ve been doing too.

The point is that Taylor lacks logic, and perhaps realizing this, she stormed out of Lisa’s house, only to find Paul randomly lurking at the VanderPump-Todd gate. I don’t know why he was there, but he looked like a lost puppy. It was actually adorable. And then it was bizarre as Taylor vented to him about all the women in the tea party (memo to Taylor: this qualifies as talking behind one’s back). Poor Paul just stood there, still behind the gate — probably wondering when he’d be afforded entry. Amusingly, there was a pause in the ranting so that he could examine Taylor’s face, which involved clutching her by the cheeks and swiveling her head to and fro. It was weird.

Taylor then took this moment to ravish us with her comedy skills: “The Giggy is up!” she said repeatedly, cracking herself up with her clever wordplay. Paul smiled politely.

Eventually, Lips McGee returned to the mansion and again tried to stir up trouble, this time by urging Kyle to repeat some alleged anti-Lisa sentiments, but Kyle was not about to have it. She did the “I don’t like, Taylor!” bit and then privately to us, she pondered why she even had to take sides. Couldn’t she just be on everyone’s side? Apparently her tune has changed quite a bit since last season when she chastised her sister multiple times for not taking her side more aggressively.

Speaking of Kim, she missed out on this mess since she was still (STILL) in the process of moving into Ken’s place. Ken made another cameo at the top of this episode as he met Kyle in a teary, awkward encounter. I wouldn’t say the sobbing was a great way for Kyle to welcome the guy into the fold, nor was her seeming unwillingness to even be within five feet of him. I can only imagine how Kathy and Paris will greet him.

Nevertheless, here’s the photocap:

“Come in, Kyle. He’s not as scary as he looks. Although, we’ll need a cattle prod in case he begins to grunt.”

“Wow. Kim canNOT bring this man to LA.”

“He’s like every single puppet in Labyrinth all rolled up into one.”

“See? Isn’t Ken great? He even comes with a little Latino friend. I call him Beto. I don’t know his name. I learned it once, but there was a power outage, and I couldn’t do my hair; so I was like ‘Oh my gosh’ and then I was like ‘fly me out of here!’ haha because you know I just LOVE those planes at the airport, but then there was a plate of spaghetti on a barstool; so I had to get a stapler to make sure the carpet was the color blue…. I… I get nervous.”

“I’m sorry, Ken. I’m sure you’re a great guy. It’s just that looking at you burns my eyes.”

“Look at this painting of us that Mom made. Oh Kim. You had so much potential then.”

“Lovely to meet you, Ken. Oooh. Smells likes you had a tasty sardine sandwich for lunch. Okay, we can stop hugging now.”

“I’m telling you, Mauricio, it was like hugging a beanbag. A beanbag that smelled like rancid turnips.”

“So, I’m still the hottest, right?”

“THANK YOU FOR COMING, CAMILLE.”“Oh whoa. You are really freakin’ me out right now.”

“I’M JUST BARELY HANGING ON. SEE MY FACE? YOU CAN’T TELL IF I’M ABOUT TO LAUGH OR CRY. HAHAHAHAA. WAAAAAH. HAHAHAHA. IS IT ME OR IS THE ROOM IS SPINNING.”

“Hey, Lisa. I’m at Taylor’s event that you clearly were invited to also…. oh.”

Kyle: “I may have just caused a drama by accident. I didn’t realize Lisa wasn’t invited.”Dana: “That’s okay. No one steps to MY FRIEND Kyle Richards. We’ve got your back. That’s what we’re all about. Always have been. Us to the end, Kyle.”Adrienne: “Who ARE you?”

Kyle: “I accidentally told Lisa about this event.”“Well, I didn’t want her here because she belittles me and is sarcastic, and quite frankly all she ever does is talk about me behind my back.”“You realize that you’re talking about Lisa behind her back right now, yes?”“Huh?”“In fact, you talk more about Lisa than she ever talks about you.”“Huh?”“Do you understand these things?”“Do you have a suitcase I can pack myself into?”

“You’ll never betray Mummy, will you Giggy?”“Arf!”“Good. Now go pee on Taylor when she comes over tomorrow.”

“Cheers to what should be a positively quaint tea-party. Do we know if that whore Taylor Armstrong is coming?”

“Oh my gosh. Ken’s walking around in ass-less chaps.”

“That’s right, Lisa. I didn’t invite you to my event. And do you know why? Because I don’t like British people. They’re always ‘high tea’ this and ‘crumpets’ that. There’s a reason why we fought to be independent from you guys. No taxation without representation! Down with big government! Rah rah rah!!”

“Exactly what sort of tea party did you think this was?”

“I THOUGHT THIS WAS A TEA PARTY FOR FRIENDS, BUT OBVIOUSLY I’M NOT ONE SINCE YOU ALWAYS SAY WE’RE NOT FRIENDS.”

“No. I said ‘I know we’re not the best of friends, but–‘”

“See! You just did it again!”

“Are you daft? I didn’t say we’re not friends, I said–“

“YOU JUST SAID IT RIGHT NOW.”

“Honestly, Taylor. Do you have hearing problems? Just because the words ‘we’re not friends’ came out of my mouth, doesn’t mean that the context is–“

“THREE TIMES IN A ROW! YOU JUST SAID WE’RE NOT FRIENDS THREE TIMES IN A ROW.”

“This is like vintage Camille Grammer right here. Sorry Camille.”“It’s all good.”

“LISA. STOP SAYING I HAVE NO FRIENDS.”

“I never said–“

“PLEASE. LET ME FINISH MY SENTENCE FOR ONCE, LISA.”

“Well, I believe you were the one who interrupted me in this case, but–“

“LISA. PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU. PLEASE.”

“Beg what of me?”

“CAN YOU NOT INTERRUPT FOR ONE SECOND OF YOUR BRITISH LIFE?”

“This is getting awkward.”

“LISA. IF YOU CANNOT BE MY FRIEND, PLEASE DON’T BE MY ENEMY.”

“I’m not your enemy.”

“DO YOU HEAR THE WORDS COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH? YOU JUST SAID YOU WERE MY ENEMY.”

“Oh c’mon then. I said I was NOT your enemy. NOT.”

“YOU DON’T HAVE TO RUB IT IN BY SAYING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN. I GET IT. YOU’RE MY ENEMY.”

“See, I think the problem here is that you don’t understand negations.”

“You and your fancy words. I HAVE TRIED TO BE YOUR FRIEND SO BADLY. I HAVE KISSED YOUR ASS FOR MONTHS. WHY DON’T YOU LIKE ME?”

“I NEVER SAID THAT.”

“That’s not what Kyle says!”

“And you should HEAR what Camille and Adrienne have to say about you.”

Camille: “Well, let’s not go crazy here.”Adrienne: “Let’s take it down a notch.”“All I’ve said were jokes. It was a joke. I was in a joking mood.”“I think Taylor misinterpreted what I was saying.”“Sometimes words come out wrong.”“I think we should focus not on what we said–““Not that we said anything.”“Do you guys want to go see the Kings play? Let’s do that. Okay, time to go to the plane!”

“Taylor, how can you sit there and accuse me of talking behind your back and then spend the next ten minutes hashing out all the things that you and the ladies have said about me behind MY back?”

This is my first season watching, so I don’t know any of the backstory. Going off this season alone – I actually like and felt badly for Taylor and thought that Lisa and Kyle have been coming across as the mean girls every week. Guess it’s time to go back in time and see what’s led up to everyone disliking Taylor. (darn I hate coming late to the party)

Lisa is great. I love that she didn’t get all riled up (come on, can you imagine the Atlanta ladies staying calm for a fight/discussion like this). She was listening calmly and trying to explain her point. I loved when she took back her offer for Taylor and daughter to stay.

Now, to be fair, Taylor has issues. Clearly. And the stress of her marital problems and (possible) abuse added to the fact that they were having MAJOR money issues combined with her anorexia, etc etc etc etc and really she just shouldn’t be around others. She really needs some kind of rehab/hospitalization.

I don’t see where she was trying so hard to be friends with Lisa in seasons past.

And my biggest pet peeve is women (on tv and in real life) acting so surprised that people talk about people. How the heck is this news? Think about your own conversations…what’s the topic 99% of the time? People. Turn on the news. What’s the topic? People. Read a book. What’s the topic? People. Yup, people are who we are who we love who we hate and who we fight. Accept. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Actually, Lisa made the “I’m not your friend” comment more than once. She said it another time in a scene when she was on the phone and driving, and it stands out in my mind because I thought it was such a rude thing to say. I don’t think that it was couched by the use of “best friend” that time.
I know you’re drinking the Lisa Kool-Aid, Ben, but you must admit that Lisa doesn’t hide her disdain of Taylor. Of course, Taylor doesn’t help her case by being such a raving lunatic. I don’t understand why she is trying to force Lisa to be her friend rather than just writing Lisa off, and I don’t understand why Lisa can’t just be polite to Taylor’s face. We all tolerate people we don’t like because we have mutual friends, and it’s not that hard to fake it.
I would like to know more, though, about whether it is Lisa calling the tabloids with info about Taylor’s marriage. In a way it is fair game because Taylor’s broadcasting her life on TV, but that makes Lisa seem really opportunistic – even more so that when she shoves her dog in our collective face all of the time. BTW – how adorable was Kyle’s puppy!

I loved the look on Kyle’s face when Taylor started with the “let’s all tell her what you really think” knowing damn well she fed Taylor the whole “Taylor has no friends info and also never sticks up for Lisa but instead fuels the fire that Taylor has going.

Taylor can’t stand the fact that Lisa knew she was at the bottom of the whole horrible dinner at the hotel because SHE was talking behind everyone’s back and made the comments about what was said at the airport. She’s hated Lisa ever since she told her she didn’t really believe her.

Russell comes off as a real snake …..sorry he died and all…but he scared me with that email to Lisa….very creepy. Why the hell Bravo shows anything with him is beyond me.

Lastly, I never thought I would say this but I liked Camille last night.

Taylor is/was calling the tabloids about her marriage. For crying out loud, Russell(or possibly just Taylor) thought an article about Taylor being an anorexic mess was worthy of sending out in an email to everyone (that kinda got glossed over last night).

For all her “Lisa is mean to me”, B.S., Taylor talks plenty of smack about Lisa as well.

Taylor’s a weirdo, but I don’t like Lisa either. I think she has a mean streak, and she’ll turn on you as fast as call you friend. No doubt in my mind that she did bash Taylor behind her back. She has had a beef with her since season one. I also think Kyle is much to blame for the bad blood between Lisa and Taylor as she runs to the one with gossip about the other.

This episode has to have been filmed fairly close to the time Russell makes his big move, doesn’t it? Adrienne (I think) refers to Taylor’s broken jaw (saying something like “We don’t say he broke your jaw…”) and that was June–and she’s not obviously pained/bruised/wired shut. The stress on Taylor had to have been quite intense. Nevertheless, I’m also “team Lisa” all the way; while there is an edge to her this year that is less fun and more pointy, I think she is generally in the right in her observations.

Why is Adrienne persona non grata from all the dramatic moments of the season? She was absent from the infamous “you’re a goddamn bitch” game night. And when things started to really get heated between Lisa and Taylor at the tea party, she bolted to attend to Paul at the gate. Does she have a deal with Bravo’s producers where she gets to jet when things get heated?

I think Lisa has had enough of Taylor’s whining about her marriage and not doing anything about it. And it’s really ridiculous that she is telling people she’s abused and then saying she’s getting on a G-IV with the abuser. Not to mention the times when Taylor did that fake smile and said everything is great, couldn’t be better crap. This is why Lisa can’t hide her disdain for her anymore. I don’t believe that all of the other women have “had enough of Lisa” and told Taylor. The only one who might have said some negative things about Lisa was Kyle. I don’t understand why Taylor cares that much about Lisa liking her. She appears to be desperate and pathetic.