there is where its all started.when she commit a crime by stealing my heart.and never return it back until today.every step i take.every shop i see.every corner i slip into.it gave me chills.feeling like stepping on ur own organ.stepping on ur own face.

in this 450th blog post.its gonna be some soft-touching post.haha i see many of my close friends having a difficult moment right now.some having relationship problems,some having a major stress and headaches.and some is having a personal grudge against someone.

lonely.let me define lonely from my perspective view.i am ditched by my girlfriend last year's summer and its gonna be a year in 3 months.i have been through depression and craziness along the way and almost die out of it.and then one night.this one night.when all hope are lost,when i am at the verge out of sanity, this feeling of sanity,the depression, bloated out craziness suddenly stops.feeling empty for the whole night.i lie on my bed.cant move, cant stop to think is this the end of me?

i dont know for how long i was in that empty space.and then i woke up.a thousands of questions struck my head.too many voices with too many questions.i keep hearing shit and shit.till one moment i visualized it throughout my mind and punch it all away.but the reality is,i didnt realize that the one i punch is the door and when i stop...my arms were in blood.when i came to think about it, it was a very stupid way of getting rid all of those harmful feeling.ask urself.what good comes out for being crazy? depressed all the time? what is the point of going thru that situation when the person who did this to u is having fun? rather then u being crazy or doing damage to urself, just go and stab him/her.thats right.u read this.stab her.

ignore that.

i dont know how this cooping mechanism works on everybody but i think when ur really,really,really wanna get out of that pit of malice which splatted on ur face, at least please have some motivation to improve how things are.today i am a new man.i had to confess that i had did some stupid moves to get things improve but yeah, stupid way gives u stupid result.have some faith in urself.stop crying.do something.let it go in the most stupid way that u can.but end it with the smartest way u could come out with.to those who thinks they are alone in the mess, ur totally wrong.u got me.u coulda' use me.i can be ur best buddy.i cud be ur shoulder to cry.because i was there.i know how it feels.rip u apart.and theres nothing u can do right?

lucky me.i had somebody who wants to me my shoulder and all.credits and kudos given to nabila,luna,rafik.luqa.attufah.to those i forget to mention his/her name here pls noted that ur deserve this credits and kudos too.these are the good people.good friends who never ditch and leave each other.no matter what.

well.im a new man now.look what the world had to offer me with its richness.haha gila poyo ayat.im not a hero.but i did all of these in the act of responsibility.the people need.i'll try my best to provide.not for myself.for my buddies.they saved me once.i'll save them this time.