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Topic: Best result EVER (Read 9519 times)

I currently work at a Recreation Centre, and am in charge of setting up programs and events for the area's children. As necessary background, I have no children myself and do not plan on ever doing so. I don't mind kids as long as they behave, and I have worked with kids in the past, but this isn't my ideal job choice. (Essentially I took this position because it was the only job available when I moved here) end BG

In conversing with two coworkers about an upcoming event, I made an offhand comment about how I hoped the kids enjoyed it, as I really don't know what kids like. My childfree status came up when my coworkers told me I'd have children in a few years. One of my coworkers looked me up and down, sneered at me, and said "it should be a requirement of the job for you to have kids; they should get rid of you". He was 100% serious. I used the complete silence (and look of absolute shock, I admit) and walked away.

Two days later my coworker apologised both for the comment and for judging my choices, and bought me breakfast. Hooray for silence! Old TaurusGirl would have freaked out and stormed away.

'I shall sit here quietly by the fire for a bit, and perhaps go out later for a sniff of air. Mind your Ps and Qs, and don't forget that you are supposed to be escaping in secret, and are still on the high-road and not very far from the Shire!' -FOTR

I've gotten similar comments before - things like "You'll understand when you have your own kids" or "You're not a mom, that's why.."My go-to response is to look at them and say calmly "You know, that could be very hurtful to say to someone who is unable to have children". They always look mortified and it shuts them down immediately. They don't need to know I CAN have kids, but choose not to - and I figure it's a lesson for them so that they don't hurt anyone who actually has been struggling with having kids.

It's actually noted in the book "Committed" that people who don't have kids are huge assets to the community. People with kids are very, very busy at least in the younger years. While not always true, it does happen that those people don't have time/energy to do the volunteering, community outreach activities etc. that they may have done before. Of course some people still manage to have young kids, hold down a job, volunteer at the soup kitchen and teach Sunday School (for example) but for many those extra "good for the community" things go on the back burner. A lot of those activities directly benefit kids.

I don't plan on having kids either, but I live in an Asian country where asking about kids and expecting others will have them is normal, and not rude to ask/speculate about. So when I hear "soon there'll be kids on the way!" I just sort of smile and laugh noncommittally. Back home in the USA, that earns a Death Stare.

As someone who willingly (and lovingly) works with kids but does not want any of her own either, I commend you for what you are doing. Your use of silence was very good and very effective in this situation.

Wow, I am glad that they saw the error of their ways. I think sometimes, someone without kids can be good at those types of jobs. Those of us with kids tend to filter things by what their kids enjoy. I know I do this, and I've seen other parents do it too, not in a mean way or even intentionally. Heck, I've been known to forget to ask if hamburgers come standard with onions because I forget that some people actually eat them!