Thursday, June 14, 2007

I Now Pronounce You TAN & Jessica Biel's Ass

I saw the trailer for I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry last weekend, and I really think Jessica Biel's ass may be the next big thing in movie marketing. Her sh*t sells tickets. After seeing the trailer I had to stand up and clap. And cry. Cry the beloved freedom. I like Kevin James and Adam Sandler, but I wasn't planning on seeing this film. Now I am. If her ass doesn't win a Golden Globe I'm going to start a riot in South Central LA. F*ck an Oscar, she deserves the Nobel Peace Prize, or the MacArthur award. Her ass is genius!

This trailer is nothing until the 2:05 mark, then it will change your life forever.

I'm considering undergoing the Clockwork Orange treatment with that :15 seconds-of-heaven clip on constant repeat. I'm curious what will become of me. Whatever happens, I know I'll be happy.

15 comments:

ooh for the love of God. Is this what people are talking about when they say humans are oversexed? That ass was on the screen for like 2 secs. you could barely see it-- definitely not deserving of all this praise. I was expecting that trailer to be ridiculous...

She is super hot but Justine Timberlake kicked her to the curb. I agree with Undercover. You oversold her ass. We all know that the finest ass on the planet is Beyonce with J-lo's booty a close second. I have posted Beyonce on my blog.

This damn movie crew woke my ass up at 4AM EVERY morning last November... fuck this film! I need as much beauty sleep as possible you ass! Not you TAN. Biel...nice piece of ass!Kevin James...nice piece of ass as well...AGAIN,(sorry TAN) millions trumps ass!

As a white gentleman who adores ass of all sizes, shapes, and colors, allow me to offer a little perspective.

Biel has a near-perfect 'athletic' ass. Big, but not too big, well-curved, nice and high and well-shaped. Most white guys and not a few black guys love this kind of ass, and well they should.

Now, admittedly, for sheer ass volume it does not compare with some of the brown sugar out there, or even some of the Latinas (like Vida Guerra). But it ain't only 'bout size... some of the size XXXL asses I've seen have bad shape (because they're more fat than muscle), or they're really bumpy and dimply (again, usually a cellulite problem). You grab 'em and they're gooshy, not firm.

Not always though... some sistas do have the massive glutes WITH good shape, WITH good lift (nice and high) and WITH nice smooth skin. Take one look at Buffy the Body, if you haven't already. Its mind-blowin'.

But even then (and I admit that the above is a Godly combo), you run into the problem that such an ass looks totally disproportional with the woman unless she's xtra thick. Skinny girl with a butt like that, it looks like the ass is waggin' the woman.

So xtra thick is better for the massive booty. But what if you don't like xtra thick women?

Long story short, FOR HER BUILD (athletic), Jessica Biel has one of the best asses I've seen, and I know ass. Tan didn't oversell it. But it did look better in the movie house, because her ass isn't 2 inches high like it is on the 'net.

That said, I can totally understand how some would prefer booty you can stack dinner plates on, like Buffy's... brothers, you ain't wrong. And maybe some other peeps would like a skinny chick with a nice but-far-from-huge booty, like Jessica Alba (though personally I think someone like Keyra Augustina blows her away).

Point is, find the ass you love, and smack it. And don't hate on the ass that others love, because all ass is good, unless its really truly ugly or bony, like Nicole Richie's. Then you shouldn't touch that sh*t. Out.

Like the 'white gentleman' said at length in numerous descriptive paragraphs he knows ass (...and so, I venture, do I) I am delighted that someone else has been thinking about it that as 'hard' and long as I have since the 2003 chainsaw incident in Texas. Biel's behind is mesmerising.I don't even need to watch the video my memory is that good.