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Ten Sure Ways to Ruin Your Children

I have been helping people with parenting for over 20 years. Much of what I have to offer is from all the mistakes I made with my own four children. Here is what I consider the top ten ways to ruin your children. We should all know by now that we have made mistakes. Those of us who can’t admit it are to be pitied. So see if you can find a couple things on this list that you haven’t done and pat yourself on the back!

Insist on making everything about you and not them.

Try to control how they feel and what they think.

Be more concerned about your image as a mother than their development while they make mistakes.

Try to keep them from the consequences of their choices because it is too painful to watch.

Micromanage their lives, living through their successes and failures.

Never really be present to them in the moment. Instead be lost in your own head.

When they share how they feel, try to fix it instead of just listening.

Compare them to yourself or others.

Criticize more than you praise. Focus on the negative.

Make sure they can’t win no matter what they say or do. Correct, contradict and one-up everything.

Forget about where they have to go to school, how much TV they watch, whether they have extra-curricular activities or the latest fashion. All those things you think matter don’t have much impact on them. Who you are and whether you have the ability to connect to them, respect them and love them as a person in their own right separate from you will go further to aid their emotional health and development than anything else. And saying you are sorry once in a while is helpful, too.

Consider equipping yourself to be a better parent by listening to our series “How to Really Love Your Child/Teen” and doing the accompanying exercises to apply them to your life. Here is a link to the course.