Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Motivation and Litigation: The American Way

Depending on where you live, you may be experiencing the cold, snow, and snotcicles associated with what meteorologists call "winter." Furthermore, if you're one of those people who rides a bike but really doesn't enjoy it (or what some people call "a roadie"), you may be searching for "motivation" to continue riding your bike until we reach the "woosie"-coddling months of spring--at least that's what various cycling-related websites and periodicals seem to think. Fortunately, these same publications are ready to come to your aid with advice to help you through this difficult time. Here's just one example:

I have no problem finding "motivation." I just enjoy riding my bike, yet at the same time I have no real problem not riding my bike if weather conditions are such that riding a bike becomes totally unpleasant. I'm not necessarily saying "If it rains take the bus," but I am saying that if there's 19 feet of snow on the ground and people are dying then it's perfectly fine to stay in and watch a movie.

Still, I am fascinated with the literature of cycling motivation, and the one above was a good example. And while all of these reasons were fairly ambiguous, I found this one by far the most vexing:

Legitimize Your Training

Another reason to stay motivated is that it makes training seem more important. When you are motivated, your workouts take on a greater meaning. They are part of a bigger picture.

What you do defines who you are, and doing what you want to do makes your life seem like it has more meaning. There is no need to go to your Facebook page to look for "existence verification". You are out there doing what you want to do and it doesn't matter what anybody else thinks.

What does that even mean? Have I just discovered the secret of Fred-dom? Is the notion that "training" is somehow different than just riding a bike what gives people the will to live? This is a frightening thought. If anything, I think anybody searching for "motivation" to ride through the winter is in serious need of some good de-motivation. To that end, here are my four tips:

1) Your workout is meaningless. Do you enjoy doing hill repeats at the crack of dawn on 20 degree days? Great, if that's your idea of fun then by all means keep doing it. But don't confuse it with an activity that has "meaning," because there's no "bigger picture," and your "workout" is about as meaningful as a dog humping somebody's leg.

2) If you're looking for motivation to ride, don't ride. You're supposed to be having fun. Needing "motivation" to ride your bike is like needing porn to have sex. Your desire to ride should be self-sustaining, like your erection.

3) Repeat these words to yourself: "Fuck it, it's too cold outside." The "sponsor" your club team cajoled into letting you put their name on your jersey couldn't care less how you do in the races nobody's going to be watching this coming spring. In fact, they'd prefer it if you just left them alone. If you don't feel like riding then do something else until you do feel like riding.

4) Stop watching your weight. Do you enjoy riding your bike in winter? Me too. So just keep in mind that seals and sea lions have a layer of fat for a reason, and you should not be drinking Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmos all winter in some misguided attempt to stay fit. Here's what happens to people who don't gain weight in winter: they "motivate" themselves to ride by starving themselves and riding when they don't want to, they get sick right away because their bodies are weak and defenseless, they keep riding anyway with their Skinnygirl White Cranberry Cosmo-sipping friends because they all need to stay "motivated," and they spend the entire winter in pacelines, inhaling each others mucus mist, re-infecting each other, and generally being sick and miserable. So please, drink lots of beer, it's the best thing for you.

Of course, the exceptions to all of this are professional bike racers, because unlike us it's their job to ride even when they don't want to. And yes, like any employee, sometimes these professional bike racers need incentives and motivation in order to keep doing what they're doing. For example, one way a directeur sportif might motivate a rider is by putting an eagle on his jersey that will bite off his "pants yabbies" if he slows down:

Shown here giving his best "a bird of prey is currently threatening my genitals" grimace:

I can't wait until this kit is available for sale, because the eagle should look particularly menacing when it's being stretched by all those protruding Fred bellies. In any case, I guess in the world of pro cycling couture scary birds are the new fake "six pack:"

According to the Mercury News, Specialized are accusing the two former employees who designed this bike of stealing "trade secrets" in order to do so, and as far as I can tell those Specialized trade secrets include:

In particular, Specialized claim the Volagi Liscio is a ripoff of their "Roubaix" bikes:

Specialized alleges in court documents that Choi and Forsman schemed to design a bike to rival their line of "Roubaix" bikes, which can sell for as much as $11,000 and is described as one of the company's "most significant sources of revenue."

The "Roubaix" line is of course Specialized's line of comfortable long-distance road bikes, and every bicycle aficionado knows that Specialized invented the concept of the comfortable road bike. Indeed, nobody had ever conceived of such a thing before. For that matter, Specialized also invented the concept of the long road ride (Specialized v. Rapha, settled for undisclosed amount), and the pneumatic tire (Sinyard v. Dunlop, 1887), and the road that goes from one city to another (lawsuit pending against Roman Empire), and the wheel (Sinyard v. A. Caveman, 1,000,000BC). So it's no surprise that Specialized should also take aim at a couple of upstarts who were audacious enough to market and sell a safety bicycle (Sinyard v. Lawson, 1876).

Oh, and Roubaix, France? You can rest assured they'll pay dearly for stealing that name, Specialized will see to that.

Needless to say, the guys from Volagi are indignant. Said Robert Choi of Volagi to Velo-whatever-they're-called-now:

“He’s saying ‘this is my fucking bike,’ just because the bike is red. They think they own the red color. I’m pretty sure SRAM has a component group called Red.”

“We’ve spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on this. We spent more money on the lawsuit than the entire gross revenue of the bikes we’ve sold. Our houses are mortgaged. (Specialized) spent a million and a half dollars. For a million and a half dollars they should have bought our company,” Choi said.

I'm sure the lawsuit against SRAM is pending. Choi also had this to say to the Mercury News:

"We thought it was the American way for us to quit the company and go on our way. They just didn't like that we had a successful bike, perhaps. And they thought we would just cave."

Actually, he got that wrong. Until a few decades ago the American way was to work for a company until you die, but now the American Way is for a huge company to use the money it saves by making things overseas to sue its competitors out of existence.

Meanwhile, Specialized's Beloved Leader Mike Jong-Sinyard also made cycling news recently when he took on Amazon:

In other words, every company that isn't Specialized. And in so doing, Sinyard also too the opportunity to taunt a company that actually had the audacity to sue Specialized:

In related news of brands that leverage the IBD while simultaneously undercutting them, Easton-Bell Sports dropped the fruitless suit it filed against Specialized before Interbike. Was this legal maneuvering just carried out for publicity?

Bell Sports alleges that Specialized threatened to withhold high-end bicycle inventory from dealers carrying Giro cycling shoes and that some dealers were told they would not receive their year-end purchase volume incentives or manufacturer rebates if they continued to sell Giro cycling shoes. As a result, Specialized dealers who carry Giro shoes have canceled existing orders, retracted on verbal product orders or asked Giro to take back inventory on their shelves, the suit documents stated.

“A line has been crossed,” said Greg Shapleigh, senior vice president of Giro and Easton Cycling. “They’ve stopped simply providing financial incentives for retailers who support their brand and their business to telling them what they can and can’t buy even if they’ve met the obligations of the agreement they signed with Specialized initially. Retailers can’t buy the products they think are right for their business and consumers don’t in many cases have all the choices that they should have. All we want is the ability to sell our footwear to dealers who want to carry it.”

Whew! Between filing and defending against lawsuits, Specialized's legal fees must be astronomical. I wonder how they pay for it all:

(All You Freds Finance My Litigiousness)

Anyway, it's tempting to portray Specialized as a new-age Red Menace determined to gain a monopoly on the entire pursuit of cycling, but the truth is they're genuine innovators, and they would never use someone else's idea:

That grip looks pretty familiar to me, but I can't remember where I've seen it. It could have been on some douchey blogger's custom mountain bike. Incidentally, numerous commenters on yesterday's post took issue with my sublimely comfy grip choice for some reason, which inspired me to revise my New Yorker Caption Contest submission thusly:

The fact that people think they're dorky only makes me love them more.

The cutting-edge polar exploration technology includes futuristic components such as a Brooks saddle:

The saddle is made of extra-tough organic leather and copper rivets. "A plastic seat would shatter like glass in Antarctica's sub-zero weather," says Fortune.

Power Grips:

The metal cage pedals are designed with power straps specially set to fit Skelton's snow boots. This will allow her to pedal with full 360-degree power as if she was in standard cycling shoes and pedals.

And a fetching red, black, and white "colorway," which will doubtless have Specialized's attorneys calling in short order.

"Those people who rideS a bike"? Come on, Snob, it's "those peeps who RIDE (no s) a bike." Subject-verb agreement! I know grammar and the finer points of the language bore most people and are generally regarded as less important than the difference between a ten-speed cassette and an eleven-speed for riders who don't know what to do with five speeds, but still! I pay no hard-earned cash to read this blog, so as as self-important American I'm entitled to expect the finest in subject-verb agreement, no matter what the cost.

The dumbest things about that Specialized bike are the disc brakes. Nobody needs disc brakes on any bike, except maybe DH MTBers. And what they probably really need is a brain transplant. But I guess spending 11 grand on your bike is one way to make sure you stay motivated. . . .

This whole people-suing-people over who can sell what business is effing hilarious. And none of it would be worth the legal fees if morons didn't pay a gazillion dollars so they could have the pricey brand on the downtube and ride no better than some guy on a Walmart bike. I'll stick with my 1980s steel Trek I bought on Ebay. Let somebody else pay Specialized's lawyers!

As a line, Specialized is overpriced dogshit; ever go into a store that's a Specialized 'pro' shop or whatever their term is? Un-fucking-godly crabon hell! And very poorly made accessories!

re: winter riding, I love both the jerks who spend 45 minutes getting dressed (I've run 6 to 7 miles in that time) AND the wind trainer/roller masochists. Are they really training the the Ronde or, uh... Branch Brook or CRCA?

Training isn't supposed to be fun. Training is supposed to get you ready to have fun by crushing other people's dreams in the Tour de Industrial Park. 100 years from now, your great grandchildren wiii be able to find your 3rd place result on the internet, and say "Meh".

Thank you thank you THANK YOU! I have hated Specialized since they sued Mountain Cycle because the bike name "Stumptown" was too close to "Stumpjumper". The Stumptown was made by a Portland company, Portland being known as Stumptown. FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS, SPECIALIZED!!!!!

I think Giant should sue the shit outta Specialpies for stealing its 'OCR' concept (predates 'Roubaix' by a bit, IIRC). If any bike co. can 'out clout' the Big S, it would be Giant.Would be fun to watch!For that matter, Ergon (good choice, Snob) should sue the buggers as well, but I don't think they have resources to go the distance.

You said:"as as self-important American"...I forgive typos.BUT NOT FROM YOU!!!"

First, you should know that overuse of exclamation points is ineffective. Second, it's too bad you didn't spot the fact that tht obviouss tupo wass put ther to fooll you intot hinkin you found an eror!

I don't know if Giant would want to sue Specialtits since Giant owns the factory that does the production for most of Specialtits bicycles. They can simply squeeze them that way. But I agree, that would be fun.

I worked for a shop back when cell phones were called pagers that sold Specialized. One day the rep came in and was bragging to the shop owner that they were using a new Taiwanese factory that "actually has a cement floor". Yes, as opposed to dirt.

self-important Uhmerikan, bad grammar entrapment is a serious offense.It saddens me that you weren't being ironic.Irony: when someone responds to a triple exclamations comment by saying they're ineffective.

Don't forget, Specialized is the same company that purchased (not invented) the rights to the horst link in the US. So while the rest of the world rides cheap and efficient full suspension MTBs, Americans have the choice pay up for an alternative like Santa Cruz, riding a Epic Clodhopper, or getting a 4 link wanna be that rides like a pogo stick. Or you could triple the price for the Ellsworth cult image and get a regular ol' Horst Link for free.

Highlites include: - "Secret training" started on Dec 16 for preparation of 500 mile trek starting on Jan 4. - "Kite skiing" packing and practice "on the beach rather than in -30 deg!" - Plans to burn 10,000 calories a day, but "not sweat" - Consuming only dehydrated food that "does not agree with her stomach" - Riding an "ice bike" built by "designers in LA" that "did not work very well on sand" but will on snow and ice. - 1st attempt at riding ice bike on actual ice made Dec 24th. - Later riding said bike on snow and ice at a maximum speed of one (1) mph. - After days of delays due to weather just to get to Antarctica, "hoping to travel 20km (12.5 mi) a day for 8 days to reach starting point," with comical rationaliziation that this distance per day can be doubled to make the 500 mile trek in 20 days. - Camera frozen at -12 deg, obviously making the whole trip useless because it cannot be documented properly for mass hipster consumption.

Snobby, methinks thou needest to over-S-type-charge thy readers more frequently, in such manner as to be capable of laying off yer damned 17 monkeys ("No monkey shall enter heaven." word of the lo'd), and hyre a real-S eidtor!What in frigads-S-name does this mean: "And in so doing, Sinyard also too the opportunity to taunt a company that actually had the audacity to sue Specialized"I also too the opportunity to read thy blog. Now get an editor.Bees blood.

Snobby, I'd mock you for the Ergon grips, but sadly, I own some cheap Ergon knockoffs made by, er, Specialized. Hearing what a megadouche Sinyard is, makes me want to upgrade. At least I'm not palping one of his helments anymore.

That lady riding to the south pole is insane. There's a local guy here who's riding to Tuktoyaktuk NWT right now (soon to be in 24hr darkness) on a Big Dummy; and I thought he was insane. Seems perfectly reasonable compared to her.

It was so cold in nyc today that no one passed me on my ride into work.

If you ride a bike regularly you can't tell me that you don't get some residual pleasure from being part of the club in addition to the the pure joy of riding. we love reading about it, buying new crap we don't need, boring our friends and family with our riding exploits and latest purchases, etc. This blog exists because of our unhealthy obession with all things cycling. It's fun but it is definitely at least a small part of our identity. some people even make a career of just writing about cycling.

...michael sinyard was just inducted into the u.s. cycling hall of fame in davis california on november 5th as a 'contributor to the sport' of cycling...

...if you know a bit of the history of 'specialized', that should make you laugh or choke as the case may be...

...considering michael sinyard got his start selling bike parts & dope (pot) out of a volkswagen van & was widely known in the early mtb industry for stealing, whoops, i meant to say plagiarizing concepts & ideas & marketing them as his own, i'd suggest that michael sinyard has become over time, a despicably self righteous & out of touch clown...

...i'd say i'm amazed by the legal actions of 'specialized' over the years but having worked in the industry years ago for an mtb company that truly was innovative, i'm not...

...for guys like sinyard, there's no real concern about the health of the sport & activity of cycling or the actual health of the industry...

...it's all marketing & it's all about who's got the biggest piece of the piece...

...michael sinyard can be considered a winner by certain standards 'cuz he's got one of the biggest pieces of the pie...

Anonymous @ 12:27. Although snob is often maddeningly lazy about grammar, I think he's ok on this one.

via William Saffire:"In another column, about the latest D.C. word whitelist, I began, "The keynote speaker was one of those privacy nuts who exhorts businesses to tighten up their software and databases lest they threaten customers with ever-more-dangerous identity theft."

That sent me to The Times archives, where, in a 1985 article, I laid out in exhaustive certitude when the subject one of those whatevers should be construed as singular to be matched by a verb like is and when it should be construed as plural to be matched by are. However, that was one of those confident diktats that was (were?) not followed in my own subsequent virtuoso gyrations. Instead, I have been matching the verb to the nearby plural noun, as in nuts. . .exhort, as if the verb's proximity to the antecedent word were controlling. But there has been a jarring incongruity between what I instructed then and what I do now."I think Bill is basically saying do it however you want.

That snow bike is ridiculous. And the comments contained from the SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA manufacturer convince me it's all a joke. I rode to work at -41F yesterday and my hydraulic brakes worked just fine. Also my plastic seat, seat post, handlebars, and everything else worked fine, just like they have for years. They are testing in the desert? Seriously?

They have a race every year called the Iditarod Trail Invitational. 350 or 1100 miles of riding in those same conditions, self supported as well. This all looks like a publicity stunt for the company. Especially when she is planning to kite power that overweight monstrosity.

Anon 3:19, you said it brother. Furthermore, Specialized is a corporate machine fueled by greed. That's why I bought a CANNONDALE. I like to be different. Got to get me some aero bars. Oh and I wear mountain bike shoes. SPDC LEAT

I like the way the Spergons feel in my hand. I don't think the fixie guys get it and never will. I am having a pair custom made out of bamboo with walnut accents. They have a little more flair, kind like an Oakley 3. It pays to set yourself apart from the crowd and feel comfy.

Since I am riding a Fuji Gran Tourer SE, today's post just confuses me. What's a crabon fibre bike anyway? Do they come with places to stash my weed? Do they add the smell of steel to those things, like new car smell?

Helen Skelton, I have 2 words for ya: Roald Amundsen. You dear, are in the Scott camp it seems.

Is that Clenny the Crow on the Finger Bangista's jersey? The one he'll be consuming after UCI finds him guilty? Just maybe? Hmmm.

Oh, and one of my many motivations is that it's 80 "DeesGrees" out here on the West Siyyyde this wizeek and I gotsta get my pedal on for all those homies out there stizuck under snowdrifts. I'll pour out a Skrawny Cracker Cosmotini for em, too (cuz I shur as hell ain't drinkin one).

"Blue Peter presenter Helen Skelton is hoping to be the first person to use a bike to reach the South Pole..." If you were a guy riding around Antartica on a bike YOU would be the "blue peter presenter"!!! IMHO

Screw all your comments about the 'Evil S'. I have a stable of their bikes because they are kick ass quality speed machines. Sounds like a bunch of whiny east coast tree hugging tear jerkers. Boys you need to grow a set if you come to California USA.

Is it April 1st already? I mean, Blue Peter? And that bike! Somebody needs to tell the Iditabike people their wheels are waaaaaayyy too big. I can't imagine those turf tires negotiating anything down there but smooth flat ice without getting stuck.

Oh, and Specialized is an evil bastard, according to Mitt. He's pretty religious, you know.

HELP. BIKE SNOB! I'm 16 and I'm having trouble convincing my parents that bicycles aren't just for 'children and crazy people.' They honestly think I'd be safer in a car - not that they would buy me one (and not that I would really even want one, excluding my brother's teal 80's Landcruiser with custom Christmas light interior) - which is INSANE, and they clearly have a closeted hatred and/or fear of bikes (people are usually afraid to be open about it; Minneapolis isn't a very tolerant community). They're terrified of 'bike muggers', any kind of describable weather condition, drunk drivers, the world after 9 pm, riding in or through neighborhoods without Starbucks franchises... It seems like they just brainstorm horrible things that can happen to people outside every time I say I'm going somewhere. I ride where it's smartest to ride, I wear lights, I follow the laws, I keep my bike in good shape, and usually wear a helmet, but they've been doing things like padlocking my spokes for two days after I forget a helmet on a one mile ride through our residential neighborhood, and I'm tired of getting lectured and called an idiot (A LOT) every time I come walk in the door with my bike. Can you write something that might shake them from their frustrating and kind of douchey ignorance? Or post a link to something? I know this isn't a new or unique problem but I don't know what to tell them.

...someday, somewhere down the road when your time has come, you'll get to go to heaven for that caption alone...

...st. peter - "...yo, ce, you're just in time...big ride with eddy, bernard & fausto @ 11:00...ernesto is waiting for you at the shop...got a new custom c-50 with your name on the top-tube......"...btw, the 'big guy' loved your joke about the 'sin-yard'...shared it with the fallen angel at a conference years ago......"oh, & guess who rides around down there on rims with no tires, different length cranks & rusty shifter cables ???......"...yep, yep, you got it...guys been pissed about it for years...anyway, welcome bro...when you ride up here, there's always a tailwind...always..."...

Wow what a bunch of small cocks.The funny thing is that the man has a master plan and smokes good weed. He is a patent cock blocker and an idea molester, but to own you have to own somebody. Sorry ex employees/new kids on the block you should have went for the power lunch.

Wild Bikes Gone Machine, thanks but I may have cancelled out the Frequent Faithmonger Points by myself owning a Specialized Epic (it's epic). Pity, the eternal omnidirectional tail wind does sound good. A paradise without need or want for blizzard confronting aerobars.

I wAs amped watching fear factor and then my dog farted a bunch of roses. They smelt way better than roses. I am sure someone is a good guy and someone is a bad guy...all I want to know is who has the money?

Back when the Spec\ was launching their first suspension fork they tried to sue Joe Murray for the NAME FUTURE SHOCK.. Joe won he had prototypes dating back a couple of years.. they settled with him ,as they had already spent a large amount on advertising , The Knoa fork ended up being called the Z-links ..so they didn't win every suit they tried on...I do think that it could probably be worse....at least hes making bicycles...?

Having been a 'Roubaix' owner, I can tell you I have never been happier than when that piece of crap was bought by some idiot on ebay. Over here in the UK we have specialized concept stores; which are a artisan bike buying experience.

Personally I am now buying my bikes from anyone but Trek and Specialized. Planet X are pretty honest about their production location and price their bikes to suit. I even own a Planet X badged Ti bike manufactured for them by Lynskey. Will be happy to buy there product again and again. They even do a bike in red and black, I am sure Cuntalized will be contacting them shortly with a cease and desist.

'Needing "motivation" to ride your bike is like needing porn to have sex. Your desire to ride should be self-sustaining, like your erection.'

Phallic perpetual motion machines and smut-conjured hard-ons notwithstanding (no pun intended), we can safely assert that no it isn't and no it shouldn't. The pro racer disclaimer's a little lazy, too.

In almost every sphere of human endeavour (apart, by strange coincidence, from sex), getting oneself out of bed is a notorious barrier to spiritual, professional, athletic and even literary gratification.

If we switch "ride" for "write" and "your bike" for "your bike blog" the naivety (albeit rather winning) of the above position (no pun intended) maybe becomes (no pun intended) more apparent.

I remember reading about a bunch of pissed off Special Ed owners who discovered that the Manitou Somthingorother Ti forks on their new bikes actually had steel springs in them. Outwardly they looked identical to the aftermarket forks, which of course had titanium springs and were heavily advertised as such. What a bunch of lying asshole corporate maggots.

"Drink lots of beer, it's the best thing for you." Ha! Define lots. You mean more than I do in summer? If so, I'll never be fast enough to justify spending 18 grand on a Specialized! On the other hand, if I stick to one Lance beer (I mean the watered-down mouse pee they advertise annoyingly and incessantly during the Tour) per day, I'll obviously be so fast they'll create the 25 thousand dollar Specialized--and name it after me! On second thought, I''l stick to my Cooper's homebrew kit stout. It may not make me go fast, but it makes me feel good.

The iBob list is where Yehuda Moon hangs out with his buddies, playing dominoes, bemoaning the scarcity of high quality five speed freewheels, trading tips on which brands of knickers are more durable. They are nice people, but some of them will still insist mountain bikes are a silly fad. Some are into indexed shifting, even the new 8 speed setups, but suspension is not really something you want to bring up. And don't mention WCRM. A few like him, some think he's the Antichrist. Most just think he's cheeky and rude.

What you Amehricans are all missing about the South Pole bike trek is the magic factor that the words "Blue Peter presenter" contain. Blue Peter presenters are all superhuman and can do anything, and they have been doing this kind of thing for forty years. Google "John Noakes parachute" if you don't believe me. Where's hey nonny mouse when you need him, to translate for you guys anyway?

Good to see the old Hannebrink bike back. Too bad he's sending Barbie "into the wild" to promote it. You won't see Surly sending some poor CX'er on a Pugsley to the South Pole to either die or be rescued!

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!