hello all... well, i'm kind of coming here with my tail between my legs. goodness knows that i've asked for healing before, and i put off coming here because i'm embarrassed in a way to be asking again, but i need to move on, and i'm feeling a bit stuck, so here i am.

a few months ago i met a guy, by means that i won't go into, but i truly believe i was lead by the divine to meet him. he was/is going through a divorce, and he had been single for about a year. i was absolutely taken with this guy, he is quiet, brainy/sort of neurotic, and we hit it off like two old souls. he would make tentative plans for our future, nothing big, but things like... (he has a night job right now) "when i get a job during the day it will be so wonderful to stop by at your (my) place for a glass of wine in the evening". stuff like that. i was so happy with this guy, even though there were things that bothered me, as he seemed to be having a very hard time letting go of his old life. not his ex, but his old life. although his ex has a boyfriend and she lives with her mom, her mom still called HIM to come fix stuff, etc. he didn't even start packing his things to get out of that house until after he met me. he invited me to his apartment, and he did live like a spartan. seriously, after a year he just started taking his things out of the house. while i completely believe he had no romantic inclinations toward his ex, i could see he was struggling to let go of the whole dynamic... to the point where he would go over to the ex's mom's house to babysit their young son during the day. (apparently the mother is rather older, and his ex worked during the day, and for some reason no one has been able to afford a daycare). he told his friends, his ex, and even his son about me. my daughter met him and really liked him.

anywhoo, before this turns into a book, i will get down to it. a month ago, after an amazing weekend together, where when he was leaving he gave me *the look/smile* for the first time (that one where the face lights up and there is something in the eyes), he broke things off with me the next day. he was supposed to come over for a bit that evening (the day where i got that look), but called fifteen minutes after he was supposed to be here to say he wasn't coming (issues with his car). i was a little miffed that he waited so long to tell me, and apparently this set off a wave of negative thinking in his head, and the next day he refused my calls/texts, and the day after that broke things off with me. he told me that when we met, he wasn't expecting someone like me, and he just wasn't ready, and he was going to need some time. needless to say i was heart broken.

so it's been a month, and i haven't heard a peep from him, nor have i endeavored to contact him.

i've been ok mostly, i have cried a lot. but i'm also being a little too hard on myself sometimes, too. i'm seriously questioning my judgement.

i just want some lasting peace, i want to heal so that i can move on. i feel stuck right now. so, if anyone can send some healing vibes my way, i would be so happy.

thank you!

patty

Last edited by prc on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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I'm so sorry to hear that. All I can say, and it's easier said than done, is that you're better off without him if's going to do that to you. You deserve better than that.

From my perspective I will say this, focus on you, date yourself. I learned that when we caught up in the wanting we fight so hard for it and become so engrossed in the struggle we forget why we want something. It's time to let go of wanting to be with someone and just be happy being with you. I know it's nice to be with someone, to share things with but when we use others to gauge our own happiness we are never happy. Do things for you now and if someone comes along great, but if not then you'll be ok on your own. Be your own partner and buy yourself some flowers just because, go to the movies, etc. Love yourself truly, wholly and completely. You are the only person in the whole world who'll be with you until the day you die and afterwards too so make sure you want to be stuck with you. Believe me, being single can be just as much fun. In fact, it's the same amount of work as being in a couple.

Last edited by Aoibhegreine on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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oh, i know. i'm just saying that, although intellectually i'm all about letting it go, i could just use a little help unplugging, having faith, and dropping all emotional spending on the guy right there on the floor. i hope that makes sense. letting go of all of it. i'm generally pretty happy with life. it's just that i'm still, after a month, spending emotions, not as much mind you or as often, but still spending them, and i'm ready to just stop. so i'm asking for some help with some peace blessings, if you will. i want to be clear that, for the most part, he was an exceptional guy. he never spoke ill of anyone, including his ex. he was reliable, up to the end, and was very genuine and upfront about his life's situation. i just ignored my gut going... "hey, are you sure this guy is ready for this?". i have been beating myself up for not using better judgement, and i want to stop. i've been sad, angry, peaceful, etc etc... and i'm just at a point where i just want to let it go. i know there isn't a magic wand, but i would love some healing vibes, peace blessings, anything of the sort to help me get there. it just helps, really, to put it out there, too. i don't have the world's greatest support system. i do have wonderful friends, but most are not the kind that i could just call to vent, cry, etc. and the same with my family, to an extent. most of us are very very busy people. so it's good to come here just to get it out of my system.

Last edited by prc on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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If you are ready to let go then just let go. Get a piece of paper and write it all down, how you felt, how you feel now, the warning signs how did they feel, etc. All of it, right there on that paper and then burn it. Let the fire burn away what you have and then draw in the love of the universe to fill the hole.

And I know what you mean about not having someone to really talk to. That's why I love this place.

I wish you love and light.

Last edited by Aoibhegreine on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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Hon....would you treat somebody the way this guy has treated you? I'm guessing your answer there might just be no. And that is probably because you are a mature and resilient woman who has no need to hold so tight to a thing you strangle it with your own imaginings.

This behaviour of his is extraordinarily immature you know? To try to blame you for his own tardiness and carelessness is childish. If your car will not start then you know that when you try to start it don't you? Which would be in good time to call the person expecting you and explain yourself. If you had to put your car in the garage for repairs, you'd know that several hours before you were meant to meet up. He's having you on, hon. He's flicked some kind of switch in his head that turns him from interesting and acceptable into Mr. Silly.

I have to give him kudos for telling you he was not ready.....I'd suggest the lesson you take away from this one is that the next time a man tells you that you think "You're not ready for me? Then you're a bloody fool and I am wasting no more of my time on you."

I realise this hurts. But you know often when we hurt it has as much to do with our own hopes, wishes and expectations as it does to do with anybody else's influence on us. More efficient, perhaps, is gently tending your own self of self-worth, personal needs and requirements in a really acceptable lover? You're handling yourself in a dignified fashion. ask yourself - was it really him? Or was it how close he came in some respects to what you know you need in a man?

I'll hold you in my thoughts.

Loadsa love

Last edited by Jan on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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Arise anew as a child of the dawnRemember whence you cameWalk lightly, leaving whispers for footprintsAnd shine, refreshed in your rebirth

So sorry to hear you are going through this sad time... Sometimes when we really like a guy and it seems they feel the same way, infact by their own words they give that impression (I'm talking from experience here!) it hurts badly when it ends, he does sound very immature and personally I think he did you a favour by ending it, he really wasn't worth your time or energy... But you already know that.. You even said yourself in your first post that although you liked him there were things that bothered you...

I was in a similar situation to you some years back, I too met a man who seemed like the "one" but without going into a load of detail, he turned out to be the biggest mistake, relationship wise, I ever made, I too, felt certain things about him bothered me but I chose to suppress those feelings, in hindsight (hate that word! Lol) I should have dumped him, but I was in too deep, feelings wise, and I paid the price, got hurt bad... I got over it, just like you will, takes some time though, you just gotta be patient and let the healing process take its course...

I'm sending you lots of positive vibes and hugs!

Take care

Seraphina

Last edited by Seraphina on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life.Tip toe if you must,But take the step.

thank you so much for your kind words, ladies. i'm feeling better already... at least for now lol.

Aoibhegreine, thank you for the idea. i will do that friday, and clear up some space for the Celebration of Love on Sunday . that sounds like a really great idea!!

Jan, yes i think he's a fool!! and it is very much all the hopes and expectations that i tacked on to this thing that has given so much grief. *sigh* better luck next time. a girl at work today asked if i was still seeing "the guy". i don't get to that end of the building much so i hadn't spoken with her about anything personal in a while. so i told her no, she asked if i was heartbroken. i told her yes, that it was heartbreaking (past tense) and that it still stings some, but i feel better and i have faith in good things, and that faith has pulled me a long and wonderful way. so there it is. thank you so much for your words of wisdom and kind thoughts!!

Seraphina, thank you hon! hugs right back at you!

i'm not on here as much as i'd like right now, i'm pretty busy up to the summer. but i really do appreciate all of the support that this place brings!!!

Last edited by prc on 01 Jan 1970, 00:00, edited 0 times in total.
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