Friday, August 6, 2010

The other morning I woke up and thought: "I'd love to watch a detective story that has something to do with submarines while I drink my coffee today."

And you know what? I stumbled across a random episode of a CSI-type of show with Mark Harmon as a Navy FBI/police-type-person (?) that... guess what? Solved The Mystery of the Sailor Swap on a submarine!

This morning I woke up and thought: "I think I need more Richard Dreyfuss movies in my life."

Last night, I needed to come up with a new plan for dinner because my Match Vegan Chicken wasn't defrosted... and there she was. A little, forgotten package of extra-firm tofu. She waved and said "Remember me? You were going to make me into vegan fish sticks!"

If you're not using Tofu, let's just get right to the Beer Batter, because you can just use your fake fish right out of the package (defrosted, of course). Whatever you're using, from here on out the pieces of Fake Fish or Tofu will be called the "Vegan Fillet".

Heat your Olive Oil in a 4 quart Dutch Oven on a medium heat.

In a shallow dish, put that first portion of 3-4 Tablespoons of Bisquick Mix.

In a medium sized bowl, mix the remaining ingredients (except the Tartar sauce) with a hand mixer until smooth. If it's too pasty, you can add a dash of Beer, but not more than an additional Tablespoon.

OK. Once your see your Oil start to boil a little, it's time to do this.

Now this can lead to a big mess, but here's a trick to keep your bowls from getting contaminated. Pick one hand to be powder, and one to be batter. Then, using your powder hand, take one of the Vegan Fillets and put it into the Bisquick Powder, and only using that hand, cover the Vegan Fillet. You want to tap it a bit to get a good cover, and make sure you get the sides.

Then, with your powder hand, remove the Vegan Fillet from the Bisquick Powder and put it into the Beer Batter. Be careful and don't get any Beer Batter on your powder hand.

Now, using your batter hand, flip and cover the Vegan Fillet with a healthy amount of Beer Batter. Not healthy as in good for you, but healthy as in "That's girl's got a healthy backside."

Now, using a slotted spoon, remove your Beer-Battered Vegan Fillet and place it in the hot Oil. The oil should show signs of boiling before you drop your Vegan Fillet. Be careful to not let your Vegan Fillet touch the side. Fry the Vegan Fillet for no more than 5 minutes.

Using your slotted spoon, remove your Vegan Fillet. Be careful to not break your crusty, golden-delicious batter when you're getting it. Place on a plate with some paper towels to soak up extra oil.

Between Vegan Fillets, take your slotted spoon and remove any bits of fried batter that have fallen off, so they don't stick to the next Vegan Fillet.

Just repeat this process for each Vegan Fillet and enjoy the rest of your beer until you're all done.

I thank Seattle for having a 60-degree day in AUGUST (??!!?!) so that I could have a reasonable excuse to make this for dinner tonight. HOLY HEAVEN was it the best thing EVER!! I haven't had anything coming even close to fish in 2 years and this was a very close facsimile to my ex-beloved battered fish. Even my husband LOVED it and he still eats fish. It's that good!! I served mine with lemon wedges and tartar sauce. I have to believe that it would be awesome with malt vinegar, also. This recipe is not for the faint of heart, however...my kitchen is now destroyed and there were at least a few curse words flying from the kitchen at various points in the process. One note: I thinned the batter a bit to be about the thickness of pancake batter. Thank you THANK YOU, Shannons, for bringing this into our lives.

Wow. I wish we could buy it in jars. One of our packets has around 3 Tablespoons but because concentration might be different I would recommend using enough to make 1 cup to 1.5 cups of broth. Hope that helps!