Well, it’s holiday season again. Right now we’re in the midst of Hanukkah, the Jewish Festival of Lights, which Jon Stewart pointed out is the celebration of a bargain, of the lamp oil lasting eight days instead of just one.

Now “Jewish” is a slightly ambiguous term. It is used both to denote a people, sharing a common ancestry and culture and also practitioners of the religion of Judaism. Admittedly there is a lot of overlap between these two groups, but right now I want to take a moment to talk just to the religious Jews. Hopefully without their God listening in.

Now I haven’t read the Torah, but I’ve read a bit of the Bible and I’m told that the Old Testament and the Torah overlap quite a bit and both tell a history of the Jewish people. The Jews consider themselves to be God’s chosen people. I’m not entirely sure where this notion comes from. God let the Egyptians enslave the Jews, when he finally sent Moses to lead them out of that servitude he then let them wander around in the desert for forty years before finding a new homeland. Sometime later, they managed to lose their homeland again. More recently they had to endure attempted genocide in the form of the Holocaust, which finally gave them the impetus to fight a war to take back Israel to be their homeland again. This allows them to once more scratch out their existence in the middle of the desert, surrounded by enemies, and in a nearly constant state of war.

This is the life that God has given to his “chosen” people.

Clearly this is an abusive relationship. I want to urge all the Jews to rise up, get some self respect, and leave this guy. God doesn’t deserve them. Look, I’m sure you can spend the night in a shelter somewhere, change your phone numbers, and then have nothing to do with God ever again. Yes, I know you love him, but that’s no excuse to put up with this kind of treatment. Grow a backbone, why don’t you?