Positive #3: Saying “no” more easily. I used to have a real problem saying “no”. I felt that it was my responsibility to “make” other people feel happy. This past week I have said “no” a lot and I realized that all this Positive Psychology stuff has really changed me. Now I feel an appropriate amount of angst about saying “no”. I can empathize as to why the other person is upset or disappointed but I don’t feel the urge to rescue any more. Instead, I know the other person is strong enough to withstand the disappointment and that they will endure – just as we all do. I think part of this lesson was realizing from my experiences in the past and just how much more pain is caused by NOT saying “no”. I would much rather endure five minutes of discomfort than days, weeks, months or even years of regret of not using that short but powerful word, “no”. Today I recognize the importance of saying “no” as a life skill and that sometimes when saying “no” to someone else, I am saying “yes” to myself.

When I recognize that I always have a choice, I feel expansive and full of possibility. I appreciate more and more the knowledge of making the choices that are conducive to my true Happiness. I choose to apply the right amount of effort in the place that will glean maximum Happiness. Choices help me to feel free.

It’s a small thing that is easily overlooked until you can’t do it. Backing up the car. Walking and talking beside someone. Crossing the street. Shaking your hair out. Looking at the mole on your shoulder. Shaking your head “no”. People watching. Watching a tennis match. Reacting quickly to a sudden danger. Addressing the stewardess on an airplane. All of these things would be tougher without the ability to turn my head. Did I miss any?

I really enjoy chess. it keeps my mind sharp, it has ever-deeper layers of game play, but most importantly it gives me a chance to bond with others. My dad taught me how to play chess. My wife and I play regularly and I had the great pleasure of teaching my daughter to play in January. I was SO proud of her when she beat me! Today, I pause to express gratitude that I do not live in a chess-less world.

It truly made me smile when I saw that 40 people have RSVPd “yes” to the Happiness Social on Monday. I truly feel honored. We have a lot of fun at the ‘Socials. I always feel like I am among friends while there. Plus I get …to make up fun and interesting activities and people actually DO them! Finally, I always especially look forward to Happiness Socials just before a class. Inevitably, past students tell the new students what they’re in for. It’s always a great experience.

I remember when I wanted an office SO badly! Today I have TWO! While sometimes Hedonic Adaptation gets the better of me sometimes, often I catch myself gushing with gratitude to have an office to call my own, decorating as I please. Today I pause to give thanks for my office.

Without going into ugly detail, today I was reminded how ugly loved ones can be to one another. I am so grateful that no one I loved ever deliberately tried to hurt me that much. While I wish this had never happened to my friend, it makes me glad that a (previously) unthinkable hurt to that depth has never been pointed in my direction.

I am really grateful to my wife, who, without hesitation or question, gave me a ride when I unexpectedly needed it. I don’t think these things should be taken for granted. If I would have been upset or inconvenienced, why can’t I appreciate her for doing both the big things and the small things. Not taking one another for granted is the stuff of a HAPPY marriage! Today, I appreciate my wife, Debbi for being an amazing, dependable life-long partner.