BOYS DON’T CRY

I don’t often listen to The Cure, but when I do, so do the neighbours!﻿

I’m an Artist. I went to Design School. I used wear women’s leggings throughout university. I had pink box plaits. My mum is my best friend. I was 18yrs old when my Dad died. When Dad died I cried, a LOT and I haven’t cried since. I’m now 43 and I cry a LOT. I cry every time Chris Cornell hits that note in ‘Fell On Black Days’. I cry when I try to sing and play ‘Nutshell’ by Alice in Chains. I cry watching other people cry on YouTube. I cried in the mall when I got overwhelmed by the noise in the food court and realised I didn’t want to be there. So what am I trying to say? I’m trying to say that crying feels SO fucking good.

“Boys Don’t Cry” has a double meaning to me now; Dad brought me up to be a man. Swallow your tears, crying is for girls. I see now how so many guys don’t cry because they think they shouldn’t, because they see crying as a form of weakness and so they choose to be less connected to their emotions.

I’ve been living with so much pent up anger that it took my therapist to tell me to my face that I go on about all these great things I’ve done, but when I’m playing my life back to her I don’t at all sound like Mr. ZEN. It’s taken me about a year since first seeing my therapist to learn how to cry again. The medication I’m on is meant to help me with my mood swings and depression, but I still feel they’re just sleeping pills and more of a breakthrough has been made by ditching the bong. I’m now no longer wake and baking every day of my life away, the numbness has subsided and I can see clearer by the day.

A couple of tears listening to some amazing dead dudes gives me a huge emotional release. Take it from a 43yr old emo, ask yourself why are you trying so hard to be a Ninja Turtle? A super turtle is even worse than ordinary turtles who retreat into their shells when shit hits the fan, hoping for everything to just magically work itself out, or go away before resurfacing. Stop sweeping your emotions under a Fukari Rug.

If you’re an emo guy own it. Being emo shouldn’t be a ‘thing’. Macho macho men make you out to to be a weirdo, but hey, in reality it’s those guys who can’t deal with their emotions who are the weird ones.

2 Responses to BOYS DON’T CRY

Definitely issues around men crying, both societal and on an individual level (I know I got ’em!) Dunno, it’s a strange one. Personally I’d rather punch myself in the nuts, especially if someone would see me cry but like I said, I’ve got issues.

A mate and I were talking one time and (although I didn’t realise it until quite some time later after replaying it a few times in my head) he broke down. I feel really bad because I was just too dumb (insensitive maybe) to realise it at the time – he was wearing sunnies and we’d just been for a run and I thought he got sweat in his eyes (no, really, it’s embarrassing but I did). Also he was fighting it hard and got a lid on it fast, but I feel bad that I didn’t respond correctly. Not that I’m sure what the correct response would have been, it’s uncharted territory for me but I could have done pretty much anything better.

Yeah man. I remember a friend of mine in high school being bullied hard. I REALLY wanted to scream out for the bullies to stop bashing him, but like everyone else that was there we all just watched and did nothing to stop the bashing.