SPORTS: "Starbury" Finally Loses It

Recently, the antics of much maligned NBA point guard Stephon Marbury have gone from the normal garbage one expects from him to levels of Michael Jackson-esque insanity. “Starbury” promised his loyal fans (apparently he’s under the impression that those exist) via his Twitter account that he would be doing a live 24-hour video chat from inside his home. While this, in and of itself, sounds ludicrous and completely narcissistic, the best moment of said live chat came when Stephon broke down into sobs for a good five minutes while listening to some R&B music. Take a moment to watch the whole thing. You won’t be disappointed:

NBA fans are undoubtedly aware of Marbury’s career history. After being drafted by the Bucks and then promptly traded to the Timberwolves, Marbury spent two good seasons in Minnesota and was named to the NBA All-Rookie Team. During the lockout season of 1999, he fell out of favor with T-Wolves management and was traded to the New Jersey Nets, while Minnesota went on to make the playoffs for the next six years, including the Western Conference finals in 2004. While in New Jersey, Marbury became an All-Star without ever leading the Nets to the playoffs. He was traded to the Phoenix Suns in 2001 in exchange for Jason Kidd, who subsequently led the Nets to two straight NBA Finals appearances. (Beginning to notice a trend?)

Marbury led the Suns to the playoffs in 2003, where they were promptly ousted by the Spurs. He was then traded to the New York Knicks during the 2003-2004 season, as the Suns went on to contend in the Western Conference for the next several years and Steve Nash (the guard who replaced Marbury) won back-to-back league MVP awards. Marbury played for the 2004 USA Olympic team, the only American basketball team to fail to win gold since the team started fielding NBA players. During the ensuing years, the Knicks failed to field competitive teams and finished under .500 every season and failed to make the playoffs. Marbury was involved in several off-the-court incidents, including spats with Hall of Fame Coach Larry Brown that resulted in Brown’s termination by the team.

As the Knicks continued to struggle, Marbury also continued his involvement in several off-court incidents involving new Coach Isaiah Thomas, including a sexual harassment suit being filed against the Knicks organization and the coach. Marbury continued to feud with Thomas, with some reports indicating that the pair even came to blows on the team airplane. Marbury was eventually placed on the inactive list when Chris Duhon won the starting point guard position in training camp. When offered more limited playing time, Marbury reportedly refused to become active again and was banned from all team practices and facilities.

The Knicks eventually bought out Marbury’s sizable contract and he was subsequently signed to the then-defending champion Boston Celtics as a reserve point guard. The Celtics failed to repeat as champions and Marbury’s impact on the court was negligible. Now a free agent, recent rumors have tied him to the Wizards organization or possibly some European teams.

Now, after having reviewed his tumultuous career, both Marbury’s on- and off-court performances have revealed him to be a selfish and troubled individual. If nothing else, the ridiculous video above further proves this. The question is what drove him to break down and what drove him to think it was a good idea to post a video of said breakdown on the Internet for the whole world to see. I have a few guesses.Reasons Why Starbury Was Crying:

A) He feels guilty about having “improper relations” with an intern in the back of a truck at a strip club (yes, he has admitted to this, and yes, he is married.)

B) He feels guilty about running Larry Brown out of New York.

C) He realized that nobody likes him and that he has no friends other than the guy consoling him in the video. (I’m guessing that’s Glen “Big Baby” Davis, but I could be wrong.)

D) He just finished The Notebook.

E) He’s legitimately scared that Kevin Garnett is going to eat him (and/or has threatened to go to war with him. Both have the same end result.)

F) He realized every team he plays for becomes instantly better as soon as he’s gone.

G) He’s discovered the truth behind the NBA’s officiating problem and David Stern has threatened to kill him if he talks, yet he feels morally obligated to inform the world about the conspiracy.

H) The King of Pop is dead.

I ) He looked in the mirror and realized he can never get rid of that ridiculous tattoo on the side of his head.

J) He realized that, with Steve and Barry’s closing all 240 of its locations, there will be a significant loss in revenue from his Starbury line of shoes and clothing.

K) Drugs.

L) Alcohol.

M) The realization that no one wants him except the Wizards and some crappy European teams.