Your Views

Keep your e-mails pouring in, it's good to know that there are lots of you out there with views and opinions.

To help you work out what is what, are now little icons to help you see biscuit related themes. And now you can see at a glance which are the most contested subjects via this graph (requires Flash 6.0 plugin).

Your e-Mails

Dear Nicey,
My sister and I made quite a discovery recently, and you were the first person we thought of to share our biscuit breakthrough with. We went to Sainsbury's the other day and fancied some biscuits, and being poor students we bought a bargain triple pack of Sainsbury's own brand golden crunch creams, bourbons and malted milks for 99p. Lovely.
When the time came for a nice cup of tea and a sit down, we opened our malted milks and found something amazing: it was a cow-cow patterned biscuit (interestingly, Jess says the single packs of Sainsbury's malted milks were cow-churn patterned - what this means I don't know), but a mirror image! You can see in the attached picture, the cow in the foreground is on the right.
Now, I'm not sure if you've been made aware of the existence of these mirror-image malted milks since the publication of your (brilliant) book, in which you lament the fact that a 3D biscuit cow can never be created, but if not let me be the first to tell you that it can indeed be done! And we plan to buy some more 'normal' malted milks and create such a beast at the next opportunity.
Has anyone else seen these wonderful mirror image cows?
Becky and Jess Redman

Nicey replies: Becky,

Yes indeed that is thrilling news. At first glance your biscuit does seem to be the mirror image of the big cow little cow biscuit in our archive.

There is a slight difference in the configuration of the tails and udders which might cause issues. Let it not be said that we don't live in exciting times. Actually some other people did notice this but your picture is much better! So hoorah for you.

I may be persuded to send an exclusive NCOTAASD mug for the best 3D malted milk cow presented to us in the next week or so, probably.

Dear Nicey,
To further the Malted Milk discussionÖ Iím sure I used to nibble around a gate and a cow! I am familiar of the big cow little cow motif but am surprised and slightly concerned at the state of my memory that no-one else seems to be aware of the cow and gate combo.
Have you come across any brands with this design? Iím thinking as far back as the mid-eighties!
Hoping Iím not bonkers,
Smiley Han

Dear Nicey
I have to disagree with Mr Paul Daly. Malted Milk were never my favourite biscuit but have always done me well in a crisis. And this weekend they provided me with much amusement.
Some Friends and I were staying in Sedbergh in the Yorkshire Dales and were enjoying the excellent Howgill Fells, well maybe enjoying is too strong a word as it was mainly misty most of the time.
I have found that biscuits do not provide adequate sustenance on the hills and as Carl and Sue had provided a cake for their younger staff members, Adam and Julia. Me and 6 others managed to get a slice and as you can see I was lucky enough to get ĺís of a cherry.
When we got back to the Hotel a nicecupofteaandasitdown was called for and I was elected to put the kettle on. The Hotel had thoughtfully provided some of those packets of three bickies. Mark elected to have coffee (the heathen) and chose to have the packet of bourbons. (he was welcome to them as they were the equally heathen 4:3 ratio shape not the 16:9 widescreen they should be) Dave had tea and the Digestives, which left me with the Malted Milk.
I tried a simple nibbled cowectomy on the first but lost patience and bit right through the thing. On the second I got my trusty Swiss army knife and made a more concerted attempt.
Unfortunately the cow lost a front leg and astute observers will notice that the structural integrity of the biscuit failed along a line through the D of† MALTED round the cows ďbumĒ and out through the ear of wheat at the bottom.† By this time my tea was getting cold so I snaffled the remains and drank my tea.
However I still had one biscuit left so I tried again with the finest attachment on my swiss army knife I sloooooowly scratched round the cow.
This time the cow came away intact and although the front leg was still the hardest part it survived, although the crumbs that would have been its right front leg disintegrated, from the front it looks intact.
By the way is the shadowy line at the rear of the cow itís tail or its other leg? I left the other cow (it's not a calf its just further away) as it was too indistinct a shape to bother with.
Yours truly,
John E Noir

Nicey replies: John,

I've always taken the pragmatic approach and consider the thing at the back of the cow to be its tail.

Once again your mail raises the interesting issue of exactly under what circumstances the Swiss Army would be mobilised. I've often thought that it would be some crisis that required the opening of thousands of economy tins of tomatoes and baked beans, with out those built in ring pull lids. Obviously conventional military hardware such tanks, attack helicopters or just straight forward guns, could get into the tins but they would probably spill most of the contents, requiring the Swiss to be called in. If the scenario was widened to include the sharpening of some small sticks, rewiring some 13 amp plugs and the removal of splinters then there really is only one choice.

Dear Nicey
I am horrified to read only good things about these nasty, nasty things.As a child my parents claimed poverty and would only buy the cheapest biscuits and in bulk to boot ( I now suspect they may have had a heroin problem and therefore needed to save money ). My childhood was misery as we were only allowed to ever have two biscuits that had to be eaten over the sink , and these were generally malted evil milk or very nasty morning coffee biscuits....but mostly malted sickly sick sick.....oh the cows...the cows. I am now overweight from biscuit mania and have some severe psychological problems. Let this be a warning to all on child rearing and the little understood field of biscuit related neglect.......the cows....
Paul

Nicey,
I would like to add my voice to the growing mass of dedicated Malted Milk followers, chocolate or otherwise. I echo the comments of James Coghlan that Sainsbury's have to stock these biscuits on the most remote, highest and out-of-the-way selves. This does give the impression that by finding, buying and then eating the biscuits, one has been initiated into a secret and ancient club. Which of course, one has.
I have tried to convert my girlfriend to the quality of the Malked Milk, but she remains a firm cake lover.
Chris

Nicey replies: Yes the Malted Milk is utterly fabulous isn't it, and before anybody else asks which firm cakes does she like?