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Monday, 29 July 2013

Species of Tube Traveller #12 - The TechHead

The TechHead is a relatively new creature and has only started to infest the Underground within the last three years or so, which is why our studies are not as conclusive as with other species of commuter. No one really knows there they came from - our scientists hypothesize that they are actually some form of alien race that landed, somehow got onto the Underground system and never managed to find their way out.

This is largely due to the fact that they don't look where they are going, instead electing to walk really slowly during rush hour and looking at their tablets or phones so that they don't miss a precious second of Dexter or in one case, a grown man watching Spongebob Squarepants.

The TechHead

A more widely believed theory is that they evolved from the newspaper/book readers who display similar levels of incompetent obliviousness, so wrapped in their paper that they walk up and down stairs or through the tunnels without the slightest hint of spatial awareness.

No one really knows why these digital doofuses don't simply pause their media and carry on with it the next time they are seated on a train. Even more amazing is that no one has even seen one stumble, fall or trip up whilst keeping their peepers locked on the tiny screen in front of them. Perhaps there is some form of peripheral vision that we are not aware of? Maybe some kind of sonar?

If you ever come across a TechHead, we recommend that you try and get in front of them as soon as possible. They will not speed up, they will not look where they are going and although no one has been brave enough to snatch away their screen we remain hopeful that our prototype electro magnetic pulse pointers will rid the underground of these pixel-praising prats.

Habitat – In the tunnels, in your way, on the stairs and near power sources

Special Skills – Insane peripheral vision, going up and down stairs without looking