There ain’t a whole hell of a lot going on today, so allow to me take a second to give a shout out to one of my favorite lines in television history. It’s from the series Police Squad!, which was produced by the Zuckers and spawned the Naked Gun series of films, and it is a tightly wrapped little ball of perfection. I’ve posted the video below, which you should really watch for full effect because Leslie Nielsen was a comic genius, but I’ll also transcribe it.

GUY IN CHAIR: Who are you and how did you get in here?

DET. FRANK DREBIN: I’m a locksmith … and I’m a locksmith.

God, that’s great. And here’s the craziest part: Even with a bunch of comedy legends behind it (the Zuckers had just come off producing Airplane at the time), Police Squad! lasted only six episodes. Not six seasons. Six episodes. But thanks to the network airing reruns, it gained a cult following and eventually led to three feature films. (And if you don’t enjoy the Naked Gun movies, you and I are going to have WORDS.) So let that be a lesson to struggling comedies everywhere: If it doesn’t look like #SixSeasonsAndAMovie will be a realistic goal, maybe consider setting your sights on #SixEpisodesAndThreeMovies. Couldn’t hurt.

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Another line from Police Squad that had me laughing so hard I almost vomited:
“We’re sorry to bother you at such a time like this, Mrs. Twice. We would have come earlier, but your husband wasn’t dead then.”

I was a kid when this was on, but one that stood out for me was a sight-gag. Drebin was interviewing a perp, wearing a jacket that said “Penn State” on the front. He turned around, and it said “State Pen” on the back. That killed me then, and for no apparent reason, sticks with me to this day. And another lost classic with a similar fate was “Sledge Hammer,” lasted a bit longer, no movies, but a similar comedic vein to be sure.

Magical doesn’t even begin to describe the genius of Sledge Hammer. David Rasche is a god among men. Also, my wife cried like a baby when Leslie Nielsen died – that’s how I became convinced I married the right woman.

My family has an original TV recording of Muppet Family Christmas (greatest Muppet Christmas movie of all time!) and there are Sledge Hammer commercials on it. Makes me wish I could have seen it though I was 2 back then, don’t think I would have understood it.

Awesome. I remember watching Police Squad and wishing there was a technology to let you rewind and catch jokes again. Yes, I’m old. And I’m pretty sure my mom went to acting school with that guy 60 years ago (not Nielsen, the other guy).

It’s kind of spooky how the Naked Gun movies had O.J. Simpsons suffer a madcap series of accidents, and then it started happening in real life, like the time his wife and her friend got savagely murdered and HE was the one who was accused of doing it!

There’s a related scene in that episode where the thugs throw a rock through the window and break the “L” off the store sign. Drebin walks up to find a cattle rancher waiting for him. “No, no. L-ocksmith. Locksmith.”

My favorite joke from that show was when he opened his glove compartment and there were nothing but pairs of gloves inside. One day I’m going to get enough gloves so I can do the same joke to everyone that rides in my vehicle.

Yes, that’s a great one, too!! Classic. Just these little nothing trow-aways, but they were hysterical. And I challenge anyone to name a more naturally gifted comedic actor than Nielsen? He was always pitch-perfect.

I love watching these old clips. But that love quickly turns to hate when I’m reminded that a spoof these days is related to Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg, who couldn’t write this locksmith gag if they got their dicks caught in a revolving door.

I remember Police Squad! being hysterical from beginning to end. The POV-shot of the gumball light, as if the police car was driving through a restaurant, then a museum, then an art gallery. Pitch-perfect. The Japanese garden… with a bunch of Japanese people in gigantic flower pots.