Have you ever been in the situation where you said or responded in a way that seemed completely reasonable to you, when to your surprise you learn that it is not reciprocated at all the way you expected? Yeah, I think we’ve all been there at least once in our life. While many rules and expectations are voiced, it’s the unspoken rules that can be the most dangerous.

The unspoken rules are the ones that we are supposed to know. Each family, culture and ethnicity seems to have them. We experience them in religious circles, healthcare, and in about every other area of our life. We usually realize we didn’t get the memo when someone responds to us with the all to famous; “You didn’t know that?!” Oh, the dismay. So how are we supposed to know, when it’s rare that anyone will actually talk about the unspoken rules? I think I may have a solution.

It may seem obvious but when you have a feeling that you may be doing or saying something that isn’t the “norm”, ask someone. Trust your gut. It’s usually spot on. What I really want to unpack today is the unspoken rules and exceptions about how we live our lives. Hear me out.

There were unspoken rules in my home growing up, at no fault of my parents. Our home was probably just like many of your homes growing up. My parents were both blue collar workers and it seemed to me that I too was expected to be a blue collar worker. I don’t think that’s necessarily what my parents wanted, but it was an unspoken expectation. After all if you look at the American history, most blue collar workers bred more blue collar workers and white collar workers the same. So how the heck did I end up where I am? I’m so glad you asked!!

When I was 19 I had the opportunity to work chair side in a local dental office. It was certainly a step in the right direction, after all I wasn’t technically in a factory. Up until that point in my life I knew I wanted to do something grand, helping women but I had absolutely no idea how or if that was even possible. That’s when Dr. DDS helped me to see the reality of what my then, new husband, had been telling me for years. How?

He was a small town kid, not that much older than me, who grew up not that far away from me. He was not that different than me. The difference, he wanted to be a dentist and decided to get educated to make that dream a reality. Mind blowing for me. In that moment it really became real that I didn’t have to be a chair side assistant for the rest of my life, I could actually do ANYTHING. Yeah, it would take some time, dedication, money and lots and lots of support from family and friends. Totally doable.

Why is this important? I know that there is someone who came across this post and is being held prisoner by the unspoken rules they grew up with, face everyday at a job or in a a relationship. I sincerely believe that you get in life what you allow. If you have dreams of doing something or being someone else, then do it. It’s that simple.

It doesn’t matter if you come from money and a family heritage of several generations with high expectations or if you are on the opposite end of the spectrum. It’s YOUR life. I know that our families can be the hardest to convince of that; but at the end of the day, you are responsible for you. If you take anything at all from this post, my hope is it’s this: try something new, activate your passion, search for it if you can’t find it and when you do, run after it. Run like hell and don’t stop until you are living the life of your dreams.

The very word Illuminate means to shine light, decorate, clear, or enlighten. So in the midst of all we have going on in our busy lives how the heck do we have time to shine? I’m so glad you asked. Keep reading if you are serious about allowing your own light to illuminate in and around you.

Nearly a year ago I began an amazing adventure with a kickass lady who asked me to help her put together a retreat where professional and business women could go to a camp for the weekend to simply play. Without hesitation I agreed. The weekend arrived and the women were rolling in for a fun weekend of play.

On a sunny afternoon many of the women wanted to partake in the water sports, which was of no interest to me. I could tell the photographer we hired wanted to play in the water so I asked her if she minded if I took some photos with her camera so she would be able to play for a little while. To my surprise she agreed and handed me her baby.

It was love at first sight. I began capturing these moments of women, completely engrossed in fun. I quickly realized that taking photographs was a new creative outlet for me. Something inside clicked and I felt amazing taking photos, really good ones, of nature, and peoples memories. What an honor.

That evening, the photographer asked me if I wanted to go on a night walk to grab a few shots of the location, nature and whatever we came across. I agreed. We walked in the dark, listening to the sounds of nature, capturing moonlit images all around. We lost track of time and when we got back to the rest of the group two hours had elapsed.

You want to know how to illuminate yourself when you don’t have time? It’s simple. If you can’t find 10 minutes of free time, take an hour. We need margin in our lives, time to actually live our life. Coming and going all the time gets old and we miss the point of living.

Say yes. In both of these instances I first said yes. I didn’t wait until I had all the details. I asked a few questions but mostly went on faith and decided to be open to the experience. I didn’t know what the outcome would be in either case, I allowed myself to be present in the moment and I’ve had no regrets since.

Give yourself credit for the work you do. Keep track of your accomplishments, avoid beating yourself up or getting caught in the comparison trap. You don’t compare to anyone else because no one else has walked in your shoes or experienced your life with your perspective. See, no comparison. When you take one tiny baby step forward, celebrate that. It’s growth, it’s action on your part and that my friend is worth illuminating.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has at least one quality worth illumination. It doesn’t matter where you come from, what expectations have been set for you. The final step to shining your light is to be willing to take risks and be uncomfortable. (In a healthy way, your gut will tell you the difference.) I have been getting better at this over the past two years. I’ve done many things during this time frame that I never thought I would be able to do. It’s been the time of my life, as a result my light has been shining brighter and brighter with each new challenge.

If you are tired of feeling like your life story is being told by someone else then I invite you to join me this November for my birthday celebration. I am partnering with that photographer who will be leading 10 trailblazing women on a hike in Joshua Tree National Park. After a day of nature and connection with new friends, I will be teaching women around a campfire, under the California Stars, how to Illuminate. Join me for this epic trip where you get to take a risk, ground yourself and learn to love the lady looking back at you in the mirror again.

Tears ran down my face as I felt his embrace and kissed him goodbye at the terminal gate. Walking in side the doors knowing everything was about to change, having absolutely no idea what that meant or how things would be on my return flight. My first international trip to Italy was in progress. One might think I was over reacting, truth is I was scared to death to make this trip, to a foreign land alone.

I was afraid of the 8+ hour flight, what would I do for that long? Once I landed I was concerned I wouldn’t know where to go, how to communicate, and then who would I talk to if I needed something? Turns out it went really well. The flight was a piece of cake, my cabin mate; Jaimie from the U.K. was a delightful fellow who kept me company as the journey began. Once I arrived in Florence I quickly felt a newfound sense of confidence. Yes, a tad out of my element but confident none the less. I did it.

The city of Florence was simply brilliant. Full of architecture, sights, sounds and smells that captivated my senses. Then I had to take the train to Pisa. This was a bit concerning. What if I got on the wrong train? I don’t speak Italian or read it for that matter. I arrived at the train station the evening before my train was scheduled to depart, for a dry run. I checked the status of my train to make sure I knew where everything was for the next day. Going to bed that night I felt a little more at ease and ready to begin a new adventure.

In the morning I woke early and headed for the train station, as luck would have it, the track for my train; had indeed been changed. After a slight heart attack, I mustarded up some more courage and found the new track. Boarded the train and set out for something new. As the train began to move, I was in awe looking at the landscapes outside of my window. Vineyards, hillsides, factories, homes, sunflower fields and so much more. After an hour ride it was finally time for me to get off the train as I arrived in Pisa.

Sitting on the train from Florence to Pisa. Italy.

This was the location where I would meet the other Americans who were in Italy to attend the same program I was there for, Master Your Mission. It took me a few minutes to figure out where to go after stepping onto the train station platform. Once I figured it out I reached for my cell phone to let my new friend know that I had arrived.

The rest you’ll have to wait for next week. When you do something that sets you out of your comfort zone it activates something else inside of your heart.Illuminating yourself is an act of courage. Believing in yourself enough, to know that you are worth the risk. This trip to Italy was a huge risk for me in every way you can imagine. At the time, the program was the most I had invested in myself monetarily, time away from my family, time away from distractions, going to a place I wasn’t familiar with, a language I didn’t speak or understand and spending time with people I didn’t know. Sounds like something that I would normally say, “no thank you” to. But I didn’t, because I believe in you. Didn’t see that coming did you?

Perhaps the best way for me to explain the reasoning is to say; that I knew that there was something about illuminating myself, by removing all of my comforts, would ultimately help me connect with you. I was right. If you are ready let’s blaze a new trail. The one that shows you that your dreams, desires and interests; well, they are worth it. So today, when you’re feeling really comfortable in your environment, choose to illuminate your path by doing something that scares you.