Many living beings brought this vision of mine to
where I could dare to publish a few copies before submitting it to a
copy editor. They one and all first loved me and I them. They were
true friends who held my hand when indicated and knocked me on the
head or kicked ass: Roy Dixon, JoAnne Sunshine, Chris Tong, Anne
Howell, Trish and Georg, Joan Valdina, Woody Anderson and Irwin.
Above all they loved me and made it a great trip.

I have spent forty years trying to understand
various states of consciousness in my own body-mind. This is my
attempt to portray the experiences, insights, experiments,
conversations and loving exchanges that formed the shape and
substance of that inquiry. In some instances, my query led to direct
personal contact&emdash;at all levels of intensity, humor, and
love&emdash;as apprentice, or even, as teacher. This whole
realm&emdash;from material to cosmic&emdash;became a means to search
for consonance or vibrational equivalents.

These are stories about some of the cosmic
explorers I have met&emdash;my teachers of domains that I longed to
become more intimate with. But it seems that I was without the
intrinsic talent required. I was to become an understudy, a profound
admirer of their poetic mastery of that tremendum. When I even so
much as lightly touched upon it I was left with a longing for some
more ultimate clime on which to rest my weariness in adoration. This
is an introduction to those great ones&emdash;Bentov, Bird, DeRopp,
Gattegno, Monroe, Naessens, Harry Roberts, and many others which you
will see here through my star-struck eyes. Each of these outstanding
visionarys extraordinary experiences led them to a greater
understanding of themselves and the nature of existence. Theirs was
an effort to communicate, not to indoctrinate.

It is my hope that these tales of mine will enrich
humanity by expanding our collective vision of our own human
potential. I have experienced things that crossed the great divide
between my normal sensitivities and the miraculous. Witnessing these
mysteries challenged my human operating system. But
Im not sure that it was only my human framework
which was challenged. We are all on the verge of a new age of
enlightenment, discovery and learning. Eternal life is not just
around the corner, but celestial harmonies do abound in this
tear-drenched realm. And yet current science would say we are
deluded.

Our souls survival beyond physical death is
a subject that has always intensely interested me. I found that there
are many ways to develop the awareness of our inherently eternal
nature. One of the earliest paths that I chose to explore was the
discipline of out of body research, or OOB.

Robert Monroe was the great modern pioneer of out
of body travel with whom I worked for several years. I visited him in
Virginia in the 70s right before he began
tooffer Esalen-like
conferences all over the west. These developed into week-long
programs and progressed from there to an ongoing program that became
more and more refined and sophisticated. The first four of these
programs were held at the Westerbeke Ranch in Sonoma. At these very
early sessions I was asked to help identify those with a special
talent for this work and I was also involved in assessing the
psychological and psychic aspects of the participants. If necessary,
I was there to help stabilize those who experienced a difficulty
during the powerful, and sometimes disorienting sessions.

Evolving from very humble
beginnings&emdash;portable cassette players with cheap headphones on
hotel room floors&emdash;the Monroe Institute eventually developed
into a state of the art facility. Bobs initial goal was to
create a system specifically designed to enhance and promote the out
of body experience for other adventurous souls. But his Institute
became a magnet for all types of creative genius and kept generating
new ideas. Monroe has incorporated many techniques familiar to the
genre of hypnosis and has enhanced the scope of this modality with
his ingenious use of sound. He developed a method of synchronizing
both hemispheres of the brain using a unique combination of sound
frequencies embedded at a very low volume, an auditory guidance
technology. These sequences of sound patterns evoke
"wholebrain" functioning. The result&emdash;Hemispheric
Synchronization, or Hemi-Synch represents one of the most effective
systems of altering consciousness that has been developed. These
carefully engineered creations have lead many listeners to report
expanded mental, physical and emotional capacities. These
capabilities can then be directed as you choose.

It was Bobs vision that inspired the Monroe
Institutes ambitious and successful
program, and in his
last book he fully describes their
accomplishments.I
recently read his magnum opus, or personal requiem eternal,
Ultimate Journey. He brought the whole discipline of out of
body travel to a breathtaking climax in this, his last book, where he
describes the whole process in great detail. In that loving
environment, under carefully controlled conditions, others were
taught to develop skills that most people would never imagine. Robert
Monroe successfully initiated hundreds into a process of unhooking
conscious awareness from the physical dimension. Once this skill was
mastered there were literally hundreds of other exciting
possibilities to explore. His students began to experiment with tools
that he designed to enhance learning capacity, encourage sleep,
enhance the immune system, and many others. His students finally
became rather adept in these realms and they began to expand and
develop the Monroe Institute in new and exciting directions under his
guidance, but without attaining the natural expertise of the
originator.

This school had many qualities in common with most
of the voluntary adult educational and personal growth establishments
that I encountered: they were all focused upon a teacher who, more or
less acted as guru or guide. But to my knowledge, none of the
teachers that I knew or heard about through others at this point had
attained by their own confession, or had been acknowledged by a
traditional lineage to have attained, or were awarded by their own
students the stature of full enlightenment.

Bob Monroe had started to practice out of body
travel as a discipline years ago, when he was a young man. His
initial, startling experience of this altered state of awareness
started spontaneously one night while he was sleeping and at the time
he suffered the fact that he had no peers to whom he could relate his
bizarre adventure. His fascination with these life-altering
experiences lead him to write his first book Journeys Out of the
Body in which he discusses his struggle to understand the
experiences which had altered his perception of reality
and which firmly planted the phrase out of body
experience in the ground of our emerging modern
discourse.

Over the course of many years, he became an
experienced navigator of these dim waters. After he became confident
of his own skills in this hidden dimension he began to wonder how he
could be of service to others. When he became proficient enough, he
began to visit family members who had recently died to find out how
they were doing. It was his wish to help make the process of the
release of ones life more graceful, beginning with the stages
leading to ones physical death. He would go to sleep with the
heartfelt intention to contact his recently deceased loved one in the
wee hours. Each time he successfully performed this miracle he was
able to exchange thoughts, love and greetings with his loved one in
his astral form. Before his own death, even Bobs understudies
were able to visit such dearly departed loved ones to
assist them, calm their fears and render them whatever help they
could offer.

Bob related several of his experiences to me. The
one I remember best involved his father who had died several years
earlier. In this case Bob came upon his parent in a sort of holding
area called a "Recoveratorium". He found him standing alone in this
ancient site gazing out of an archway overlooking a beautiful garden.
Not wanting to intrude abruptly, Bob waited some distance away until
his presence was sensed by his father, whereupon he turned and walked
over to his visitor. As they embraced each other his dad said: "But
Bob, what are you doing here?" He answered: "Why, I just wanted to
see how you were doing." And Bob explained about his visits to those
recently departed. He could see that his father was changed&emdash;he
was young and healthy and full of curiosity about all of his
sons work and OOB experiments, especially with the dying. Soon
they parted and Bob left after taking another look at the handsome
garden beyond the great arch that he and his father had been standing
under together, feeling reassured that all was going well.

Several years after this memorable event Bob got a
phone call from his brother. Their mother, a physician, had been
hospitalized and was not expected to live much longer. Bob, who
resided in Virginia, took the next plane to Chicago. As he entered
his mothers hospital room he saw that although she was quite
weak, she still seemed very interested in all of the gadgets in her
room, which was understandable in light of her own background as a
physician. As they talked, his mother suddenly dropped off to sleep.
Her rest lasted a bit longer than he expected and he began to get
concerned. Then he even called for the nurse. But before the nurse
had responded, she suddenly raised her head, smiled and said: "My
that was interesting!" She had read Bobs book and had been
practicing the OOB exercises that he described. This was just another
such trip for her. The next day back in Virginia, he was driving in
his car near his home when his Mother suddenly appeared on the seat
beside him. She waved her good-bye to him and was gone. Bob said that
she was one that he didnt even try to visit in OOB because he
felt that she was far from needing any earthly help of his and that
she was long gone in any case.

Once he told me his reason for coming to this
world. "Lee, Im here to find my own and to journey with them to
our home out there." And he pointed to the great nebula of Andromeda.
"Its up there, and in that place we hurtle by each other like
blue clouds, exchanging packets of information." This was the
ultimate reality of his inspired life.

I once worked with a Buddhist priest who was
finding and releasing tormented souls in East Bay burial places. But
what distinguished Monroes remarkable work is that it
wasnt combined with any religious framework or context at
all.

His initial mission to me, which was to help me to
develop OOB skills was, in retrospect, one of my greatest blessings.
As ones death approaches, ones fear of the whole process
increases. OOB is an excellent way to accustom oneself to new and,
once feared, territories. Over the course of twenty years I attended
a number of these more or less formal training courses. I had never
been able to follow up on my interest in autogenic training, an older
and very thorough discipline that originated in Germany. I found that
I wasnt particularly adept at Monroes experiments along
these same lines, either.After many hours of work in various meditative
systems, both quiet in body and very active (as in Subud), I never
came close to an OOB experience. So, when I first worked with Robert
Monroe, after having done his short course four times, in the last
hours of the last day, lying there following the patter of his voice
in the exercises, I suddenly became aware that I seemed to be looking
out toward my left side&emdash;and I knew that I was still lying on
my back. Eyes straight up to the ceiling&emdash;Wham!!!&emdash;I came
out of it so fast. I was so overwhelmed by the discovery that I had
actually turned in my body sheath to the left, ninety degrees, that
that was the end of it! I was awed, and scared and ecstatic all at
the same time.

Angie McDonald told me about this after
Pauls death. They had always been very devoted to each other
and one night, without any warning, he suddenly sat up in bed. In
seconds he was dead.

Angie was a very matter of fact sort of quiet
woman who had never had a psychic experience in her life. So, she was
quite startled when, during some mundane task four months after he
died, Paul suddenly appeared in her room, standing there in a white
suit. When she noticed that that he was smiling and that he seemed to
be happy, she calmed down. They said a quick hello and then goodbye
and then, just as quickly, he was gone. A few months later as she did
her accounts, she suddenly became aware of a tremendous presence
somehow connected in her feelings with Paul. But this time she was
hardly even able to look in his direction, so overpowering was the
vision. He was resplendent with light and in a white robe and his
face was transfigured, majestic and ethereal. She could hardly bear
the overwhelming energy that streamed from his presence. They
exchanged a glance and he was gone. In her words "he had grown in
spiritual stature so magnificently that I know that we go on evolving
after death."

Both Monroe and Bentov described the awesome
barriers to be negotiated as ones consciousness goes from the
physical and the outer reaches of Earth-space to the infinity of what
we can only imagine. And here is an astounding similarity. About ten
years after Bobs confession about his home in Andromeda, I was
speaking to Bentov on a similar theme. Referring to the world he came
from he said: "Oh, in that place we pass by each other at terrific
speeds like we are blue clouds of energy and as we pass by each other
we exchange packets of information, greetings and love." I gulped and
almost cried out at the coincidence. In a moment I asked: "But where
do you come from? Where is this place you speak of?" And Bentov,
without speaking, immediately pointed above, towards Andromeda. Then
he said: "Well you go towards Andromeda and then you go off to the
left and thats where it is." He was always very
explicit.

Bentov personified his own relationship to the
same realm in quite a different way. His vastly accelerated and very
short life was like the formation of a new star. He had a joyously
earthy manner and was characteristically full of good humor. He was a
rigorous scientist, healer, cosmic traveler and the epitome of
humanness surrounded all his acts. But how did he come to his grand
vision of the cosmos? He confided in me, during our meetings and
exchanges, that he was able to enter at will into an internal, or
meditative state and then travel mentally or, probably, astrally.
Being a cautious soul, he was loath to reveal to most of his admirers
his superb talents. But, I began to see the evidence of this from the
utter focus and accuracy of his descriptions filled with the most
minute details of the cosmic dimensions of infinite space-time which
he provided in his book Stalking the Wild Pendulum.

"Well, it seems that the real
reality&emdash;the micro-reality, that which underlies all our solid,
good, common-sense reality&emdash;is made up, as we have just
witnessed, of a vast empty space filled with oscillating fields! Many
different kinds of fields, all interacting with each other. The
tiniest disturbance in one field carries over into the others.
Its an interlocked web of fields, each pulsating at their own
rate but in harmony with the others, their pulsations spreading out
farther and farther throughout the cosmos.

Whenever a focus of disturbance tends to drive
these fields out of their harmonious rhythm, the irregularity will
spread and disturb the neighboring fields. As soon as the source of
disturbance is removed, orderly rhythm will return to the system.
Conversely, when a strong harmonizing rhythm is applied to this
matrix of interlocking fields, its harmonic influence may entrain
parts of the system that may have been vibrating off key. It will put
more orderliness into the system.

We may look at a disease as such out-of-tune
behavior of one or another of our organs of the body. When a strong
harmonizing rhythm is applied to it, the interference pattern of
waves, which is the organ, may start beating in tune again. This may
be the principle of psychic healing."

Ben and I first met on a life-changing trip to
Hiroshi Motoyamas lab in Japan. We were immediately simpatico.
We connected like two lost brothers, and this was so until he became
very successful and famous. At first, the things he said were very
modest and obviously toned down, but as we continued to talk on the
long air trip to the east, the utter magnificence of what this
astounding, really, impossible, and most unlikely man was about,
started to emerge. First he described to us his flights
(really translocation of consciousness or fully awake OOB), and then
he discussed his views of the universe which were nothing less than
awesome. And as the model of the state that he was speaking of came
forth, like the opening of a flower, the impact of all of this
suddenly struck me, and apparently some of the others there, and we
began to stare at each other in amazement. It became apparent to us
that he really lived from a point of view that was fully
integrated with his emerging awareness of the spiritual, or unseen
dimension of existence. No big fanfare and talk about it. He
knew&emdash;and he helped me know what I thought I had forgotten. In
his first public speaking engagement, he just sat in the middle of
the floor, talking and talking from his heart. He was so lovely. He
bridged some gap inside of me and everyone that was present that
connected us with our own awareness of the dimensions of the
cosmic.

Sometime during this journey, I recalled that I
had been told two years earlier by Stewart, a trance medium reader
south of London, that I would take a trip to Japan and would write a
successful book as a result of it. During that week in Japan, Ben and
I were able to spend some time alone. Once free of the chaos of the
large group of scientists, mostly all talking at once, we were able
to speak at length about Bens knowledge and experience of the
kundalini. I almost instantly recognized his genius and, fascinated
by it all, persuaded Ben to come back west ASAP with his wife. As I
have explained, this trip was a crucial turning point in the lives of
all of us. I made the arrangements for a fundraising event which was
held at Henry Dakins. Forty or so people paid $50 each to cover
Bens expenses and to transcribe the audio and video tapes that
we produced of material for Bens proposed book. It was during
this period of time that I started thinking about writing a book that
would provide my own medically and sociologically oriented
description of Bens work. I felt a responsibility to Ben as a
conservator. I was well placed professionally and I had many of the
same interests and inclinations as Ben. It began to seem that I was
the proper person to offer this very specialized perspective on
Bens work&emdash;even if publishers didnt seem to be
interested at the time. As it happened, I published Kundalini,
Psychosis or Transcendence, later published as Kundalini
Experience privately before his Stalking the Wild Pendulum
came out. My own inexperience in writing delayed me a year or two,
and I had to rely on a lot of help. But my book has weathered the
test of time and is still selling as well as ever. It is the leading
book in the field&emdash;thus a classic in its own time.

Itzhak Bentov was born in Czechoslovakia. At the
age of 15, he experienced the overwhelming knowledge and certainty
that his family, as if in that instant, had all perished in
Hitlers holocaust. It was suddenly slammed into his
consciousness. He told me that his pre-vision came while he was
running down a hillside in that incomparably beautiful, colorful and
mistreated city of Prague. He felt such intense and blinding pain
that he knew with absolute certainty that an awful tragedy had
befallen his father and mother. And he knew that his fate would
likewise be the same if he remained in Prague. He was moved to take
immediate action to save himself&emdash;not knowing how to contact
his parents. In a matter of a few short days he was safely on his way
to Israel.

While there, he served as an intelligence officer
of the Israeli Army for 15 years and then came to the United States.
One of the forces that moved him to relocate was his "discovery" of
the remarkable Israeli psychic, Uri Geller. Geller had built his
reputation by displaying his considerable psychic talents in
television and live theater performances. He would demonstrate his
unusual abilities to eager audiences by bending spoons without using
any physical force. He would do demonstrations on TV where the
audience was invited to put their out-of-commission watches on the
stage and Uri would then get many of the watches to start
spontaneously, which garnered him a lot of publicity. Bentov had done
some work with Geller, but didnt have the resources or
inclination to do an in-depth study of him. Instead, Ben contacted
Andreija Puharich, knowing that he might be interested in pursuing
the research that Ben sensed was imperative. Puharich followed up on
this and went to Israel to contact Uri there and they ended up
working together for several years studying Gellers psychic
abilities. Puharich ultimately convinced Geller that his future
didnt lie in show business and that his psychic talents could
be put to more interesting uses. Scattered throughout their work
together were several tales. I heard that he once stopped a cable car
while it was rolling down the mountain and then restarted it again.
The cable car operators never guessed the real reason for its
temporary interruption.

During the time they were working in
Puharichs laboratory in Ossening, NY all sorts of paranormal
disturbances occurred. Once, when Uri was displeased with some
personal arrangements he had made with Puharich, he apparently
teleported Puharichs large Mercedes Benz out to a nearby swamp.
They had to call the fire department to get the car out, and the
firemen were totally baffled because there werent any tire
tracks on the muddy ground anywhere in the vicinity.

Another time, Uri said he was walking down a
street in New York, distraught about some family matter and was
wishing very ardently to be back in Ossening. He suddenly disappeared
from the street and the next event he was aware of was crashing
through the panes of glass of the gazebo in Puharichs back
yard.

One day, as the three of us were walking on the
beach in San Francisco, a most unusual thing happened. We approached
a nearby restaurant for lunch and entered the place, pausing a moment
at the door. A waiter pointed out a table for us and we chatted away,
slowly approaching the table. Geller cried out: "Look Lee, Look
Andreija!! See that fork (as he pointed to it a couple of yards away)
its already bending." And sure enough the fork had started to
bend. One of its prongs was bent at right angles and it
continued to bend as the three of us stood there watching it. None of
us had touched the table yet. We sat down and Uri said to me;
You are good for me. Things can happen much easier when I have
that kind of energy around me.

At Stanford Research Institute, Uri got in big
trouble. He and some of the rest of us frequently visited Hal Putoff
and Russell Targ there, observing and performing PSI experiments with
their team and the clairvoyant. When Uri was there, which was quite
frequently, all the computers at times, and lab instruments as well,
would go berserk and behave in most bizarre ways. Even the
magnetometer there would go off on a spree. This angered and upset
the resident physicists and government sponsored projects no
end.

Once Bentov was here in the US, he took up
meditation. He was soon involved in an increasingly active arousal of
the energies of kiundalini in himself and began a detailed study of
this phenomenon in his well-equipped laboratory. Bens goal in
going to Motoyamas lab on our trip was to repeat and confirm
his own lab findings. Motoyamas laboratory was reputed to be
the best in the world&emdash;excluding those top-secret Government
installations in the USSR and the US. Motoyama had agreed at our
first meeting to repeat those experiments in his much more adequately
equipped laboratory. However, as the days passed, Ben and I started
to get anxious because Motoyama showed no sign of proceeding with the
experiments. So, on the last possible day to do this, we had a
meeting with Motoyama and his American assistant. After a good deal
of back and forth, Motoyama finally took off his suit coat and put on
his lab jacket. The four of us then proceeded with these epic
experiments. Both of us have described these research findings in
great detail in our books.

When we finally repeated Bens experiments in
Motoyamas laboratory, most or even all of this original
thinkers theories were, in my view, confirmed. And these experiments
also uncovered an anomaly which is yet to be fully understood. By
placing an accelerometer on each side of the head, we uncovered a 25%
differential in the amplitude of the micro-movements on the left and
right hemispheres of his brain. This was a completely unexpected
finding and begs to be researched in greater depth in the future. Ben
demonstrated that the body is capable of a highly resonant state in
which the pulse and cerebro-spinal fluid become synchronized with the
breath, producing very fine micro-movements which induce an
electro-magnetic flow which he described as a feeling of bliss or
ecstasy. Ben had already successfully recorded wave-form signatures
of the highly resonant state which were reflected by actual micro
movements in his soma and head. He had posited in the beginning of
his own experimentation that the fully developed reflections of these
resonances would be measurable by the magnetometers that were
available at that time, but it would be necessary to measure and
study these bits of esoteric physiology on both sides of ones
head as they were of equal and opposite polarity. So it was necessary
to record these minute pulses with two sensors placed on both sides
of the head so that each of the elements would be clearly discerned.
These micro-movements arise from an intuitive capacity to coordinate
the breath and the heart-beat so that a resonant wave is encouraged.
Ben hypothesized that in this state a discreet magnetic field is
created in each hemisphere of the brain which stimulates the center
of ecstasy deep in the brains core. This results in the
amplification of the electro-magnetic current in the brain which he
theorized would be measurable by a super sensitive
magnetometer.

Ben built a sensitometer for me that was designed
to imitate these micro-magnetic-electrical discharges by applying a
pulsing magnetic field to either side of the head. Those inclined
towards kundalini arousal would report significant subjective
effects. He experimented with this device with a modest number of
subjects, and I did likewise. One sensitive physician, after a few
applications reported that he had dreamed in full color for the first
time ever. Other more bizarre visual effects were also reported.
About one out of every ten persons were similarly responsive to this
magnetic stimulator and readily reported all these various
effects.

Bentov had the intrinsic physiologic skill, yes
genius, to cause his body to go into a highly resonant state at will.
These states probably echoed the attainment of the various samadhis
professed by great realizers in the past, souls of great genius and
those closest to ultimate liberation. And similar states are
undoubtedly found in certain dissociated persons, or what we western
physicians call the mentally ill ones among us, but these experiences
differ in that they are uncontrolled and largely negative.

Ben, in his short life, touched many profoundly.
Years later I discovered that Motoyama had established a scholarship
in Bens name following his death. His interest in the psychic
dimension of existence attracted many gifted people. After our return
from Asia, Ben worked with many investigators and meditators. Ben
received his first four initiations on the astral or dream level and
had a long history of contact with Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, the TM
master. The last three initiations were received in that
masters physical presence. Ben developed an accelerometer to
measure states of meditative trance at his teachers behest and
was in weekly contact by phone with him for years discussing their
mutual interests. I was disappointed to see that their organization
never developed any facility to assist their practitioners when the
arousal of the kundalini energies would occur. Ben was always highly
critical of this irresponsible attitude. Ben and his pioneering work
with the kundalini was surely disturbing for Maharishi. The process
that Maharishi was teaching to produce the goal of levitation was,
more often than not, arousing kundalini energies that apparently
distracted his followers more than their brief and often bumpy
flight. It was undoubtedly the reason that he did not honor his long
intimacy with Ben by making him a researcher or professor at his
large University near LA. Ben was also criticized for doing healing,
a gift which was given to him in his very deep meditations. It seems
likely to me that the guru himself had some initial kundalini
experiences which were disturbing to him and never resolved. So he
quickly dismissed all kundalini phenomena as a nuisance that
potentially threatened his levitation program.

I had taken up TM at Bens urgent
recommendation. I was pleased at the one shot initiation and mantra
they gave me, but later I had many patients who became moderately
disturbed (especially if they displayed any talent for trancing in
meditation) while practicing TM. Some had to stop or change to other
methods of meditation. I became disenchanted with it and soon left
the TM movement.

Ben had the ability to travel mentally to
virtually any place he wished in the universe. He acquired
information that astounded astronomers and astrophysicists. Ben used
to regale me with the most personal parts of these journeys in which
he used the most wonderful colloquial language as well as naming all
the dramatis persona. His accounts were ornamented with characters
from the fairy world and biblical figures, which he called by funny
names that he made up as easily as he breathed. Mo was one of the
guardians in this great play of elemental forces that were very much
alive in Bens accounts and that were found at every important
transition or barrier. For example, to get out of the earths
sphere one had to match wits, as it were, with particular archetypal
figures. And to leave the solar system, still other hosts were
encountered which needed to be convinced.

Bens untimely death in a DC 10 crash out of
Chicago was a tragedy that I mourned deeply. Rick Ingrasci, a mutual
friend, claims Ben told his secretary that he was all through with
this life just before he got on that ill-fated plane. All I was
certain of was that Ben had felt rejected pretty much all around. He
just got too famous too quickly and often had simple answers for
those enlightened ones who cherished ambiguities.

I am including a letter which Ben wrote to Fred
Hoyle, the great British theoretical physicist, telling Dr. Hoyle of
his findings in cosmology. Ben said that this august figure never
answered his communication. Bens uncharacteristic reaction to
Hoyles lack of response made me feel obliged to include this
puzzling anomaly for the record as part of my great debt to
Ben.

This model tries to show that the two major
ideas prevailing in cosmology today-the steady-state and the "big
bang" theory-are not really contradicting each other, but are
complementary and exist simultaneously. This model does not require
the invention of any new physical laws and does not contradict (to my
knowledge) any of the existing ones. It does, however, offer some
possible avenues for explaining the distribution of quasars, the
anisotropy in the "primeval fireball" radiation appearing in the data
received by the Dicke instrument in Princeton, N.J., the deviation
from the &endash;1.5 slope on the LogN-LogS curve, and possibly, the
weak correlation between the red-shift and the radio magnitude of
quasars.

Summary

I propose that a continuous "big bang" is
going on in a steady state universe, where matter is
continuously circulated through an ylem or singularity zone, in
which it is broken down to its elements and is ejected from
there to start a new cycle of expansion and
evolution.

This is an attempt to build a model of
the universe on the tendency of matter at very high levels of
energy to expand through the ejection of a jet of high-speed
matter, rather than through a gradual concentric expansion. The
quasar is a typical illustration of this
behaviour.

I also suggest that the normal spiral
galaxy can be formed in two ways:

Evolution by condensation from tenuous
cosmic dust.

Evolution from high density high energy
matter, which "runs down" through a series of steps, eventually
arriving at the same spiral shape, and continuing from there along
its known course of evolution.

To support this model I use:

The present knowledge of the distribution
of quasars.

The steeper than &endash;1.5 slope of the
LogN-LogS curve.

The weak correlation between radio
magnitude and red-shift of quasars.

Photographs of quasars showing jets issuing
from the main body and jets terminating in a halo of
matter.

The anisotropy of the "primeval fireball"
radiation.

The model predicts that:

Very few or no distant quasars will be
found in the belt encircling the equator of our
galaxy.

More fast (distant) quasars will be found
in the southern galactic hemisphere than in the
northern.

The radiation temperature of the "primeval
fireball" will be found to be higher on our southern hemisphere
than on the northern, i.e. the strongest anisotropy should show in
the approximate north-south direction of our
planet.

For the sake of informality, I would like now
to dispense with the "it is postulated" and "the data seem to
indicate" type of writing, and switch to a direct story narrative,
which suits my model better.

Let us assume now that we are suspended in the
fifth dimension, far outside our universe. We can now encompass all
time, matter and space there is in our universe. After our eyes have
become used to the darkness, we see in front of us an elongated,
faintly luminous, transparent melon shape having a funnel at each end
of its long axis (Fig.1). Looking more closely, we note some movement
(we exist outside time). Specs of light are sliding slowly out of the
larger funnel on the right side, moving in straight lines down along
the planes of time-space, converging as they approach the other end,
and disappearing in the smaller funnel, at the bottom of which we
note a bright light. We assume now that we have on hand an elongated
torus and that the funnels on each side of our melon are connected
inside by a long conical passage. The specs of light somehow traverse
the distance from one funnel to the other inside this torus, unseen
to us. We also realize that the specs moving on the outside of the
torus are composed of matter, galaxies maybe, and that we are
watching a part of the evolution and death of these galaxies. We
dont know yet what is going on inside the torus, so let us
slice it up along its long axis (Fig. 2), and see.

In the central portion of the torus we find on
the left a strongly luminous region, in the middle of which we think
we see a dark spot or streak. Moving to the right we see a diffuse
gas or vapor emanating from this region, expanding and maybe even
accelerating to the right. From time to time we see highly luminous
specs emitted by the strongly luminous region. They seem to stay
closer to the center of what we realize now to be an expanding jet of
vapor, which seems to be breaking up into separate clouds. These
latter appear to condense more and more, as they approach the other
side. About half way through the conical jet we see quite well
defined blobs. We also note that some of the bright specs which
happened to float too close to the boundaries of the jet tend to
loose their brightness. They seem to stay together due to their
higher density, and are less affected by local turbulence in the
jet.

We now begin to speculate: "What we see are
galaxies falling to their death in a continuous gravitational
collapse, from which matter emerges through a (Penrose) topological
hole into a new universe. The dark spot in this bright ylem may be
the stuff that has gone beyond the Schwarzschild radius, and the
bright region to the right of it is completely reshuffled matter
boiling off as diffuse plasma. The bright specs in the plasma could
be quasars; they seem to appear spasmodically.

We follow the jet further, and by now we
intuitively know what is going to happen. The jet of matter is
expanding, losing energy, and condensing into more discrete blobs of
higher luminosity. Gradually it slows down, fans out into a wide
funnel, and starts falling back towards the ylem, which is the
gravitational center of the system. The fanning out seems to occur
due to the lateral velocity component which the particles in the jet
possess. Now the matter begins to fall back describing a wide arc,
overshooting the ylem region, and entering it from the rear, via the
inlet funnel, with a "big bang".

As we watch all this action, some previously
not fully understood concepts become clear to me: "So, this is what
is meant by a finite but unbounded universe, and by time is
infinite " I realize that time is not really moving-time
is just there, closed in on itself. The galaxies are moving along the
planes of time, each carrying its space with it, and this is why
their inhabitants experience time; and although time seems to have a
direction to them, it is only because of their movement through it.
From our vantage point here, in the fifth dimension, I realize that
the trajectories described by the most outlying galaxies are the ones
which describe the limits of time and space. Outside them there is no
space and time-just a void. They constitute the fuzzy "skin" of the
universe.

It occurs to me that time-space, which is quite
rarified on the outside skin, becomes more and more compressed as it
nears the center of the torus, and that this may have some effects on
the velocity of light .But here my feeble mental equipment gives
out

To explore further, we will ourselves to the
mouth of the elongated torus, which keeps spouting galaxies. Here,
facing this funnel (Fig.3) we watch the activity and try to pick out
and follow a single galaxy on its trajectory. It soon dawns on us
that in this projection we are watching a pulsating universe. A
galaxy comes out of the center-the ylem (we can see it by looking
down the funnel), it moves towards the "edge of the universe" and
starts falling back (we can still follow it a little beyond the
horizon)-into the big bang. "A slightly distorted simple harmonic
motion"-is our conclusion,-"if we look at it from the standpoint of
an individual galaxy, in this axial projection we see an
expanding-collapsing universe. But looking at the whole picture-it is
steady state".

We will ourselves to the inlet funnel facing
the ylem, but we find it too bright to look at. There is also too
much noise, so that we float again above the now familiar elongated
melon. Now that we have gained some understanding of this system, we
can try to locate our galaxy within it. Hoping that intuition in the
fifth dimension is equivalent to knowledge in the third, we decide
that our galaxy must be located inside the jet not far from the exit
funnel, and we look hard trying to find it. Even though the whole
structure is transparent and lacey, our sight cannot pick out the
shape of the jet. Something prevents the light from penetrating
through the space between the inside jet and the outside layers.
Suddenly we are engulfed in a whirlpool. The universe distorts and
spins around us, and we find ourselves back in our familiar
surroundings.

I must apologize for the liberties I have
taken, and hope that you are still reading this letter. Now I would
like to speculate on the above and suggest:

That if there was any "beginning" of the
universe in the form of a condensed ylem, rather than a concentric
expansion, it produced a jet, a stream of matter which was shot
out of it, kept expanding into a conical stream, eventually slowed
down and started to fall back to the center of gravity of the
system, which is the ylem.

That the gravitational collapse in the ylem
is the death of old matter and the birth of new matter. It is the
driving force of the universe.

That matter is emitted from the ylem as a
jet of hot plasma-with occasional blobs of dense matter, the
quasars. Here I visualize the ylem as a pot of boiling and
bubbling fluid, which gives off mostly vapor, but with the
explosion of each individual bubble, droplets of fluid are shot
out from the surface and are entrained in the
vapor.

The divergence of this jet and the
subsequent expansion of matter in volume causes us to see all
galaxies as receding from us in all directions.

The emitted plasma and matter have a high
net electrical charge. This, in turn, sets up by induction a
strong electromagnetic field around the jet of matter. An
electromagnetic bottle is thus created, which will tend to confine
this jet of matter, in addition to gravitational attraction. The
latter will tend to hold the jet coherent.

This electromagnetic bottle fills the space
between the outgoing and the returning streams of matter. It forms
a torus within the torus of streaming matter.

Light will follow the general path of
matter. It will not penetrate the electromagnetic bottle
(therefore, provided we have telescopes of adequate power, we
could see and follow matter around the corner of the exit funnel,
but we could not see matter coming back in our direction from the
other side of the magnetic bottle). We shall, therefore, see
matter only as receding from us. the path of light to the ylem is
straight, but it is beyond the range of our
telescopes.

The interaction between the stream of
matter and the walls of the bottle causes some turbulence in the
boundary layers of the jet, and a loss of energy. The velocity
profile of the jet should be that of normal viscous flow, i.e.
faster in the center of the jet and slower towards the
walls.

By the time the stream of matter passes its
point of maximum volume (which is at the largest diameter of the
torus), it should have lost most of its energy (adiabatic
expansion?), and a general degeneration process should have set
in. The whole process does not exclude the normal birth and death
of stars in the galaxies. It could be considered analogous to the
birth and death of individual cells in an organism which in itself
is growing older.

Our galaxy today is located at about _ of
the way from the ylem region to the exit funnel. It is close to
the center of the jet. The north-south axis of our galaxy is
tilted by 20-25 degrees with respect to the long axis of the jet.
The south pole of our galaxy faces the ylem.

Let us now see whether we can muster any facts
or near facts to support the above hypothesis.

Starting, conveniently, from the end, i.e.
point 10, we find in a book by Burbridge & Burbridge
"Quasi-Stellar Objects", 1967, a chart showing the distribution of
quasars in galactic coordinates. It shows that the quasars known
today consist of two approximately antipodal groups, centering more
or less about an axis inclined at about 20-25 degrees to the north
and south poles of our galaxy. There are fewer quasars having a
Z>1.5 in the north, as compared with the south pole. However, the
relatively tight group of Z>1.5 quasars in the north is surrounded
by a large concentric group of slower quasars. On the south side both
the fast and the slow quasars are intermingled.

Let us place our galaxy now about in the center
of the expanding stream of matter (Fig.4), and the trace of a few
world lines for these quasars. For the sake of simplicity, let us
align the galactic N-S poles with the axis of the jet. Let us assume
the crossectional radius of the jet to be at the point at which we
are now located, of the order of 5-8 X 10 9 light years,
or just about the limit of our telescopes. If we divide our sphere of
vision into two arbitrary zones of slow or close and far and fast
quasars, we find the cones of vision for the fast vs. the slow
quasars agreeing fairly well with the distribution data in the book
by Burbridge.

If we take the available distribution data as
statistically valid, then it makes sense to expect fewer fast quasars
in the northern hemisphere, because of their age, loss of energy, and
their possible evolution into radio galaxies. This will explain also
the ratio between the number of slow and fast quasars. On the other
hand, the southern hemisphere, which is the source of the quasars,
should have more fast ones, and the numerical ratio between the fast
and the slow quasars should be smaller.

We may have to add that due to the relative
nearness of the fast quasars in the southern hemisphere to the ylem
region, their red-shift may be exaggerated, and tip the numerical
ratio in their favor. It is unlikely that the quasars will be
discovered in the region outside the north and the south cones of
vision-

because of the rarity of the
phenomenon.

even with improved instrumentation we
should be reaching the limits of observable universe in the
approximate direction of the galactic equator. As far as the
LogN-LogS slope is concerned, it is clear that this kind of
anisotropy will result in a steeper slope than
&endash;1.5.

As regards the anisotropy in the "primeval
fireball" radiation, found by the group at Princeton using the Dicke
radiometer, it would tend to reinforce this model. They found a
12-hour periodicity in their readings. Granted, the anisotropy is
small, but consistent. It is what one would expect when taking these
measurements in the northern hemisphere. At the Princeton latitude,
whether they are measuring the equatorial radiation or the polar
radiation, both measurements are made in the "shadow" of the ylem
radiation (Fig.5). Predictably, they get a 12-hour periodicity, as
Princeton moves from a relatively "light shadow" to a "deeper shadow"
of radiation, nearer to the north pole, every 12
hours.

We could use this model to predict that if
measurements would be made with the identical setup on the southern
hemisphere, the absolute magnitude of the readings should be higher,
and by switching between a point on the southern hemisphere normal to
the radiation, and an antipodal point, we should get the highest
possible anisotropy readings. From these anisotropy figures the
divergence of the jet and the distance to the ylem could be
calculated.

Appendix

Speculations on the nature of quasars, their
evolution, relationship to other galaxies, variation in their
brightness, and CRT analog.

I am starting out on this set of speculations
armed with an abysmal ignorance of the relevant facts. This will
allow me to roam freely, without inhibition in this area, and
whenever unpleasant facts come flying in my face-Ill just
duck.

Remember seeing in the previous chapter, how
quasars were ejected out of the ylem? Let us assume that the quasars
are "a chip from the old block", and that matter at such energy
levels has a propensity to squirt out jets of material, in order to
get rid of some excess energy. In short, let us assume that quasars
are miniature universes, behaving just like "the old block". From now
on sailing is smooth. The pictures of 3C273 show this jet
clearly.

In order to draw up some kind of a scheme of
evolution, I suggest that the jet in the 3C273 (which carries its
magnetic bottle with it) will eventually turn back and close on
itself, and will look for a while like the "old block" itself
(Fig.6). If we assume that the quasar 3C275.1 is superimposed over
radio galaxy NGC4651, then the two jets, one long and one short, with
a halo around their tip, would be a good example of this. The short
broad jet will start to lose its energy, slow down, and the whole
structure will flatten. The magnetic bottle will collapse (radio
galaxies?), and eventually we end up with a tame, normal looking
galaxy. In short, I suggest that the normal spiral galaxy could
evolve from two contrasting sources: a diffuse gas condensing into a
spiral galaxy, and a high density blob ejecting a jet, which
eventually leads to a similar structure.

As far as luminosity is concerned, it will
depend on the stage of evolution in which the quasar happens to be.
When the quasar is young, the central core and the jet are not
obscured by the veil of returning matter, and it will have a high
optical luminosity. In the later stages, when the returning matter
has obscured the core and most of the jet, optical luminosity will be
high only in those objects which have their jets aligned with our
line of vision. The radio luminosity will be affected less by this
veil. The fact that there is only a weak correlation between the
red-shift, optical, and radio magnitudes of quasars makes me feel
good about this. Large variations in luminosity could occur when this
highly collimated beam veers slightly from our line of vision (it
would be like looking into the business end of a blow-torch with an
unstable flame). This instability could arise from a precession,
wobble or random instability in the magnetic bottle, which collimates
the beam.

The radio emission patterns could also be
attributed to the position of the object and its stage of evolution.
In short, we may look at N galaxies, Seyferts, and radio galaxies as
stages in the evolution of quasars.

The Cathode-Ray Tube
Model

I would like to present an electrical analog,
which in some points overlaps, in others does not overlap the model
described above.

Let us assume that galaxies have a net
electrical charge, a negative one, so that a galaxy will be the
"electron" in this model. From here on, as shown in Fig.7, the ylem
region is the cathode area. The electrons are boiling off the
cathode, and are kept in beam form, being accelerated by the focusing
coil (our magnetic bottle). The anode region is the other end of the
focusing coil. The electrons are notorious for overshooting the
anode, especially if the anode is of such a tenuous nature. They turn
back, overshoot the anode again, and as they pass beyond the half-way
mark along the coil, they start to decelerate, repelled by the
cathode region. They lose energy and charge, then converge and fall
onto the back of the cathode, which has the properties of a diode,
allowing the electrodes to go only in one direction."

Carl Sagan is full of such inspiring speculations
in his novel Contact, his paean of such skills. In fact, in
this book his protagonist, a young woman scientist experiences what
could be understood as a kundalini arousal. I understood her to
represent Sagans true shakti and his own contact with divinity.
He stoutly denied this in his public statements, possibly fearing
that any such utterances would damage his image with fellow
astrophysicists who are less inclined to expand their universes to
include a divine dimension. Manfred Clynes studies in the physics of
music touches these realms as well. I am convinced that one who reads
Contact with an open heart together with Miracles of
Mind by Russel Targ and Jane Katra would conclude that Carl came
to possess a much fuller realization of our humanity than is
common.

Len Ochs work in EEG driving also
touches on some of this complex field.

None of the disciplines that I have mentioned
here, except those of Bentov, ever attained the stature of a
scientific research model.Bens experiments did this to
my satisfaction but his findings were only barely coherent and
convincing enough for any follow up to have occurred to date. And to
date none of them have been repeated. I urge you to read Bentov and
his Stalking the Wild Pendulum and see his model in my book on
Kundalini Experience to compare paradigms.

Some day, when and if we come into our full
heritage of wisdom and love as described by our most transcendent
world realizer Avatar Adi Da&emdash;God willing&emdash;all of these
beginnings of Monroe, Tesla, Clynes, Royal Rife, Puharich, Ochs,
Bentov, Targ et al will become an integral part of our common
humanity. In this great marriage of physics and psyche, we as a
civilization will not miss the mark again&emdash;but will emerge as a
society which is thoroughly capable of human love. Only our fearless
completion of the great efforts of these pioneers will enable us to
truly enter the new age that we have all faintly
envisioned.

I had followed Russsels work with remote
viewing for years before he began his fascinating collaboration with
Jane Katra. When Russel was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, he
asked for Dr. Kdamn
about their own busses and how they are maintained." And his
passengers never react except with blithe indifference towards the
usual neglectful manner of these drivers (of whom he is the most
extreme and worst example.) He will continue to drive this hulk one
inch at a time until it falls over dead and neither they or he will
care one bit.

I have heard more than enough. I abandon this trip
and throw myself on the tender mercies of the nearest hotel clerk and
the phone company and summon aid so as to reach home in one
piece.

The finale of my first episode with the
refractory, feet-dragging young mis-fit had a sobering and mildly
positive ending. I had a pleasant drive down a month later with an
affable and rather knowledgeable man. Sensing that I had a
sympathetic listener, I told him my tale of modest woe during our
trip to Santa Rosa. As we reached the Central Santa Rosa turn-off, he
was easily persuaded to drop me off at a more convenient place for
all the walking I had to do. And as he slowed for this stop I asked
him how I could pay my fare which is routinely collected as we
disembark in Santa Rosa. He replied that the drivers try always to
police themselves and that this particular driver was already
well-known as they both drove the same routes and that this man would
do no further driving for the company. In addition, he said; "This
trip is on me." So ended that tale of travail. But little did I know
that my next ride would be nearly as lurid a story&emdash;as you will
see.

Now this is some story&emdash;hardly believable,
so let me skip to six weeks later. The same bus line with a lady
driver who is forty minutes late "due to horrid traffic tie-ups." So
we get underway. To my consternation and surprise, she boldly strikes
out for the South. She runs on for five miles and suddenly spies a
road which directs us to the Marin highway North and she rushes into
high gear. Six miles later she continues to rush right by our off
ramp to the East. When I point out this error, she takes the next off
ramp four miles North and finds herself in a road engineers
nightmare and quickly stops dead in the narrow country lane. In a
road only forty feet wide, she maneuvers this mammoth bus around
ignoring the irate and puzzled cars going both ways around us, until
she makes the many passes it takes to finally get the bus turned
around and finally(?) on our way. Little do we know that her follies
have only just begun. After guiding her a bit, because no one else on
the bus seems a bit aware of our predicament as twilight sets in. But
onward me buckos&emdash;just "leave the driving to us." That is just
what my companion seems moved to do. I have just five minutes ago
asked the driver if she would accept my help with directions and she
retorts; "If you want to." Here I am, lost in no mans land, and
I am empowered to help "if you want to." My lady is concerned with
this colleagues "rights of "authority" as if this were the high seas
amidst a furious storm with the worlds best captain at the
helm. I have news for you&emdash;this is a crisis with nobody at the
helm. So I growl at my lady and she leaves for the other end of the
bus. Now, truly I have a crawling mess right in my lap. (Nearly)
undaunted, I continue and we stop for passengers in the coming up
town, then head for the hills with the worst of the roads here abouts
coming up. Our fearless driver slows down to an awesome five to ten
miles per hour and finally we stagger into our destination. The
finale bears testimony to the obdurate nature of this champion of the
road. I have just warned her to drive straight down Main Street and
to continue straight on to the next stop she has. As we get underway
in our friends car we note the signals of the bus a half mile
down the road&emdash;instead of pressing straight ahead are flashing
for a right turn. I am impulsed to chase her down to correct this
final folly, but the two ladies warn me&emdash;she is not your
problem any longer.

When I was exploring my fathers background I
learned that in Dantes Paradiseo the Sannella family is
mentioned as one of three ancient and honorable lineages. They
originated in Florence and found themselves in political disfavor
after Dantes time. It became necessary to either change their
name or leave Northern Italy. About half of them changed their name
and disappeared and the others went to Rome or Naples where they
flourished, according to my mothers research. It was my mother
who, in her ardent pursuit of Americanism, changed my Christian name
from Liberatore, which is my grandfathers name, to Lee. I am
thinking of changing my name back to Liberatore.

The high point of my first two years in college
was playing on the soccer team, tennis team and other exploitations
of my vital physical self. And I had many romantic attachments. But I
never dated a Jewish girl. I couldnt stand the thought of one.
I ran in the opposite direction. Being so overly attached to my
mother, I resisted her attempts to provide guidance for her promising
son.

I spent my first two years after High School
graduation at a small international college in Springfield, American
International College. I spent the third year enrolled at the
University of Massachusetts, planning to get into the best medical
school I could think of. At the end of that term, I decided to visit
some medical schools. I was interviewed at Yale and they accepted me
on the spot. That was THE medical school to go to at the time. I had
a wonderful four years of medical school with princes and princesses
for professors who I loved dearly, so dearly in fact that I asked my
father to establish a scholarship for students interested in
researching the physiology of altered states after I had written my
first book. I graduated from Yale in the top third of my class with
an MD.

When I attended my fiftieth reunion at Yale I was
deeply disturbed by the appointment of the former head of the FDA as
the new Dean of the Medical School. Their unapologetic pursuit of
pharmaceutical moneys has apparently left their research program
permanently flawed. For those who had developed respect for holistic
medical practices, this appointment felt like a direct assault. We
were all aware of this mans history of selectively prosecuting
physicians who had embraced alternative therapies. As I spoke with
the various professors and alumni there, it was hardly comforting to
find several others who agreed that this appointment was a travesty
and that it represented a tragic turning point in their alma
maters history.

I became board certified as an ophthalmologist in
1955 and then was asked in 1957 and again in 1959 to become a Board
Examiner. This is an honor which is unheard of in students who have
not had a residency in ophthalmology and outstanding performance in
the field. My only outstanding performance was that I was only unable
to answer one question during my examination which was based on a
question in a journal which had been published only the week before.
I didnt accept the second time they asked me because I felt
that I had already disqualified myself because of other interests
that were taking over my medical career, namely Psychiatry. I trained
in Psychiatry, but I didnt choose to take my boards in
Psychiatry. Then I practiced Ophthalmology privately and at Kaiser
for twelve years and practiced Psychiatry as a resident in training
and in private practice in the Bay area.

In the early 50s I had started a private
practice in psychiatry and was doing full time ophthalmology at
Kaiser. I developed an inclination for raising my own organic produce
for my family and was pursuing this a few hours every day. I heard of
the work of Lysenko and more about Luther Burbank, who made his home
in Santa Rosa for more than fifty years. "I firmly believe, from what
I have seen, that this is the chosen spot of all this earth as far as
Nature is concerned." I read all of the published works of the latter
and most of the published works of the former and had contacted Stark
Nursery who had the ownership of all of the Burbank patents. They
gave me free access to all of the Burbank stock. I attempted some
grafting and learned that Stark nurseries had not been successful in
adapting the Burbank varieties to the east coast. But I learned a
great deal about agriculture at this time in the spirit of medical
research, as was my habit.

Just before graduating from medical school I
developed an infantile form of tuberculosis. I was working with
infected patients under hazardous conditions that would not be
considered acceptable by todays standards. I struggled with the
white plague for fifteen years. During that time I had more than one
near death experience before the active infection finally succumbed
to streptomycin, one of the first antibiotics which was effective
against TB. I was one of the first patients to receive it, but due to
the inexperience of my physicians I sustained permanent vestibular
damage. Unfortunately, when I started to have early symptoms of
damage, they didnt know enough to become alarmed. I was left a
vestibular cripple, totally without a sense of balance. The only
sensors that I have to tell me where my feet and head are oriented in
space are the soles of my feet and my eyes. With no visual
information I am totally immobilized. In dim light, same thing. It is
progressively disabling because the sensation from my lower limbs is
gradually declining, as the result of the process of aging. So my
feet are providing less information. It was thus impressed upon me
that I am an important player in the arena of my personal health. I
have never done what any doctor suggested if I thought it was
excessive or invasive or I simply intuited that it was the wrong
thing to do.

One of my first interests in medical research
arose in my fourth year of medical school and was published in the
Yale Journal of Biology and Medicine 1940. I had become fascinated
with a substance extracted from bull testes which enhanced the
bioavailability of medications and removed some of the normal
metabolic barriers. This was eventually developed into a
pharmaceutical known as Hyaluronidase (cartilage dissolving enzyme).
It is still in used selectively in surgical cases and for other
reasons.

Then I became interested in another substance
about which a Professor of Psychiatry L. J. Medunna had just written
a book called Carbon Dioxide Therapy. After an initially
explosive session with this hallucinogen, I proceeded to do five
years of work which included six or seven thousand sessions of
inhalations. These sessions, given to my private patients to assist
their ventilation processes were aimed toward providing a more humane
healing method in psychiatry than the one that was in vogue at the
time, electro-shock therapy. I never wrote a paper on this because I
was diverted by my many other interests in research.

While reading a book on life extension, I stumbled
upon an article which was written twenty five years ago by Cal Tech
Professor of Physics Derek Fender. He had published his research
findings in his university journal which was not widely circulated.
He had developed a method of determining visual acuity which was
fifty times more accurate than the current methods. It occurred to me
that this would be an excellent way of detecting early disorders in
physiology. The progression of a health compromising process would
have been reflected in a change of visual acuity.

When I called to make further inquiries I found
that Derek Fender had just had a major stroke. No one that I talked
to seemed interested in his work. I presented this information to the
Opthamology professor at Yale, because Yale is my alma mater. He was
mildly interested, but not the slightest concerned with its
potential. I also contacted the head of UC who had run the Glaucoma
division of the Opthamology service at UC. He expressed some interest
in it, and thought that the research division should handle it, but
they never had any interest in it. I was working on the hypothesis
that glaucoma is essentially a disorder of insufficient oxygenation
by the blood to essential visual functions. I even talked to a man
who was on Dr. Fenders research team. He had done some further
research but was now needing a grant to
continue.That was the
end of that trail.

The next interest I had was piqued by an incident
I had read about in the early forties. A stowaway on one of the major
airlines was taken out of the baggage compartment frozen.
He was unconscious from hypothermia and oxygen deprivation, but still
alive. For a number of years I worked with small mammals subjecting
them to the oxygen saturation found at 50,000 feet, inducing a state
of hibernation in a vacuum chamber while dropping their body
temperature. This worked, but I saw that I would immediately have to
have more sensitive instruments for measuring their core body
temperature and that was not possible with my funding. I envisioned
the use of this state of hibernation for emergency situations
following severe injury. The patient could be relieved of pain and
could rest for a time without the toxic side-effects of drugs. The
French tried to accomplish this with drugs and hypnosis to handle
severe complications of schizophrenia but I knew that there must be
better agents. For instance we know of an arctic bird which, when
startled, goes into a coma. Its pulse goes from 150 to less
than 20. Thus, by giving the appearance of death it escapes from
its predator or whatever is menacing it. There are hundreds of
other animals and plant forms which contain similar agents which are
capable of altering the physiology in this manner, safely. It seems
that I wasnt the first to come up with this idea.

So, I did a lot of medical research and had
aspirations to do even more, but I became more and more focused on my
primary interest&emdash;the immortality of spirit. This intuition of
Consciousness, of which I had been aware of since my earliest
experiences was simply more attractive to me than the possibility of
doing further research in such far out animal and human physiology at
this point in my life.

My first religious experience happened while I was
in Medical School in my second year. I remember sitting at my desk
and studying and all of a sudden I felt I was in a different space
and I just experienced this flow of knowledge and intuition of every
function of my body. I knew its physiology, its
chemistry, how it worked, what it was for as a unity. I could scan my
whole body and review it with an intimate understanding. It was what
I would call a unity experience. I was left with this beatific vision
of the body, its physical and chemical processes and
sensitivities. It was like the climax of a love affair with my own
physiology and all that I had been stuffing myself with in medical
school. Everything that I had been studying took its place in a
Gestalt that was more than a sum of its parts, it had a
religious dimension which I would later recognize more literally as
the Divine. It was simply a prelude to that without any great to-do.
It was sort of like an admission at the physical level that I was in
love with what I was studying. I was overwhelmed by its beauty,
its completeness. It became infused with meaning for the first
time, clearly, instead of just intuition and a drive motivated by
questionable sources. Now, later in my life I would interpret that
moment as a glimpse of another dimension. So I advocate: do what you
love and refuse to compromise to its detriment, which in this
case is your inherent spirituality and the meaning that you follow as
your guide in life. If it doesnt have meaning, its too
early or too late for you.

If any part of this document should, by some off
chance, attain some popularity, I can only ask the forgiveness of my
heirs. At this moment the only excuse for writing of these things in
my life is the rush towards death that I feel acutely whenever I look
at myself and see, realistically, where I am. I see myself losing my
long and short term memory, my body half failing, my mind not up to
creating its own longed for silence amidst the usual clamor I
find me in. I see my friends failing fast, losing it. The possibility
of losing my vision frightens me to the quick. Precision
is no longer a possibility for me who must meander in the rich garden
of the limited but fascinating scope of my own life, herein recorded
in summary form. The only other excuse for recording this part of my
life is so that my children and Tresa may get a bit broader glimpse
of me than was possible from my random and many times covert
excursions (as a way of thinly disguising and, at the same time,
revealing my almost desperate need to be heard by them) off into the
blue, in almost drunken heedlessness of their feelings which may have
been eons away from all this scrambling around that my activities
must have seemed to them. But not to me. These visions, ultimately,
are the most precious values that I have tried to live by and
with any luck, I will be graced to die by.

As you have seen in my stories, my fascination is
with the visionary essence of all those whom I have contacted
personally or through their writings. That has been the perspective
which has evoked the most meaning and is the source of the excitement
which adorns and renders holy all of my life.