Reality Is Such A Bitch, And So Am I
Hello, Amy "Eva Braun" Alkon here, traitor to the feminist cause with my just-posted Psychology Todaypiece on the truths about beauty. As always, I tell it like it is:

We consider it admirable when people strive to better themselves intellectually; we don't say, "Hey, you weren't born a genius, so why ever bother reading a book?" Why should we treat physical appearance any differently? For example, research shows that men prefer women with full lips, smaller chins, and large eyes--indicators of higher levels of estrogen. Some lucky women have big eyes; others just seem to, thanks to the clever application of eyeshadow. As the classic commercial says, "Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's Maybelline." (If it increases her options, who cares which it is?)

...To understand what it takes to be beautiful, we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means--being sexually appealing to men. And then, instead of snarling that male sexuality is evil, we need to accept that it's just different--far more visually-driven than female sexuality. To focus our efforts, we can turn to an increasing number of studies by evolutionary psychologists on what most men seem to want. For example, the University of Texas' Devendra Singh discovered that men, across cultures, are drawn to a woman with an hourglass figure. Men like to see a woman's waist--even on the larger ladies--so burn those muumuus, which only reveal your girlish figure in a Category 5 hurricane, and if you don't have much of a waist, do your best to give yourself one with the cut of your clothes or a belt.

Too many women try to get away with a bait-and-switch approach to appearance upkeep. If you spend three hours a day in the gym while you're dating a guy, don't think that you can walk down the aisle and say "I do...and, guess what...now I don't anymore!" A woman needs to come up with a workable routine for maintaining her looks throughout her lifetime and avoid rationalizing slacking off-- while she's seeking a man and after she has one. Yeah, you might have to put five or ten extra minutes into prettying up just to hang around the house. And, sure, you might be more "comfortable" in big sloppy sweats, but how "comfortable" will you be if he leaves you for a woman who cares enough to look hot for him?

Whoops, seems I failed to parrot the feminist talking points. Shockingly, they're hating on me for it over at Jezebel (now who would've predicted that?)!

Furthermore, the culture of lookism thrives on competition and exclusion. It creates an atmosphere in which things a young woman has no control over -- acne, a big nose, a non-hourglass figure -- trump the things she does have a say in: Sense of humor, book smarts, kindness. We're left with a system in which those who luck out in the genetic lottery win at life, hard work and merit be damned.

Basically, there's a big "is"/"ought" conflict here. I write and give advice for the way things are. To tell women attractiveness "shouldn't" matter is ridiculous. It will not stop mattering, no matter how many feminists bleat for decades that it "should."

Men prefer attractive women (and research shows that male preferences tend to be similar across populations and cultures), and attractive women tend to do better in many spheres, so it behooves women to try to be as attractive as they can -- within reason. In Lisa Kudrow's words on plastic surgery:

There's a line between looking like yourself and looking like a character from a Batman movie.

By the way, regarding another bit of "is"/"ought," somebody should put the word out to the Jezebellies that life is filled with "competition and exclusion." You don't help young women, or any women, by sitting around howling that things should be different, but by telling them how to compete and be included.

An example: I don't have a high-powered publicist to promote my book -- or any publicist -- yet I got myself on The Today Show, and in a media environment that's more competitive than it's ever been. How? Instead of just complaining that it's difficult to get a book noticed (my joke: you can't get on TV these days unless you have adulterous sex with a celebrity), I took steps to try to get noticed. I had Gregg make me up a special, attention-getting envelope, and when we were in New York, he dragged around with me all over media Manhattan as I left off books and packets in the envelope he made.

A couple of weeks went by, and I didn't hear from anybody, but I still felt good about our little effort. As I write in my book I See Rude People, the best way to feel like you're not a victim is to act like you're not a victim...even if you don't end up triumphing in the end. In this case, my feeling was, "Well, at least I gave it my absolute best shot." And then, last Tuesday, the phone rang, with a number I recognized to be the New York City number for NBC.

Comments

Money quote:
By the way, regarding another bit of "is"/"ought," somebody should put the word out to the Jezebellies that life is filled with "competition and exclusion." You don't help young women, or any women, by sitting around howling that things should be different, but by telling them how to compete and be included.
- - - - - - - - - - -
Bingo - but don't hold your breath, because the feminazis and other PC victim groups define themselves by, and organize their lives around, a stance of grievance towards reality.

Referring back to the Eric Hoffer thread, this would be an example of joining a "mass movement" (= victim group identity) to "avoid personal responsibility."

Ben David
at November 2, 2010 11:50 PM

And again:
we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means--being sexually appealing to men.
- - - - - - - -
That definition of beauty is limited to a specific facet/stage of life. It gets more play because Western society is stuck in adolescence, and it's a way to move product.

It also fits your dating-for-chimps agenda of finding scientific absolutes for intimate behavior. And since the only data gathered is for sexual attractiveness, you look for your keys (to beauty) under that lampost.

Ben David
at November 2, 2010 11:59 PM

That definition of beauty is limited to a specific facet/stage of life.

Actually, no -- babies seem able to identify which faces are beautiful.

As a man suffering from chronic acne, I will give women with acne a break. Otherwise, what Amy says is basically true: we're visually oriented (both sexes), so we might as well make the best of it.

mpetrie98
at November 3, 2010 2:16 AM

The Jezebel comments are pretty amazing. As a guy, I felt obligated to try to comment on them. My comment has not yet appears - it will be interesting to see if it is approved. Here's what I wrote, quoting some of the Jezebel comments:

"...as feminists we think it's fucking ridiculous that women are valued for their looks"

Reality is such a bitch. Did you know that men's salaries are affected by their height? Taller guys, on average, earn more. Short guys may find this "fucking ridiculous", but that does not make it less true.

Amy Alkon's article is telling you how reality works. It's not PC, and it's not feminist, but it has one unbeatable advantage: it's true. Any man who dares to be honest with you will tell you that a woman's appearance is important. Of course inner values count, and he'll appreciate those as he gets to know you. But he isn't going to bother getting to know you if you don't take care of your appearance.

"I have a husband that has lost all interest in how he looks and I can't stand it..."

See, it cuts both ways. Amy Alkon is simply pointing out that appearance is even more important from a male perspective. That's the way we're wired. Sorry gals, that's just the way it is.

"If you're centered and expressing your best self -- the you in you, magazine good looks cease to matter."

Very few guys (actually, none that I know) like the way models look in magazines. Anorexic, make-up applied with a trowel, yuck. I don't know who the pictures in Cosmo are supposed to appeal to - certainly not men.

Healthy, athletic, discretely applied make-up - someone who takes the trouble to dress well and look nice - that *is* attractive. If that's what you mean by "centered and expressing your best self", then great. If you mean "let it all hang out" then you're far, far wrong.

"are all men really that shallow?"

Yes, we are, whether we want to be or not. My partner is a smart, funny, laid-back all-round wonderful person. That's why she's my partner. But if she hadn't been sexy, I would never have asked her out in the first place, and I would never have found out about the rest of it...

a_random_guy
at November 3, 2010 3:47 AM

I didn't see a comments section for the Psychology Today article, which was a little disappointing, since I expected a real donnybrook!

The notion that attractiveness shouldn't matter strikes me as self-centered -- it's a demand that the world should change itself to meet the expectations of the individual, who has no obligation to do anything different. It's an unrealistic and adolescent attitude.

However, it strikes me as important to understand that being attractive doesn't necessarily mean looking like a magazine model, and that's why I agree strongly with Random Guy's comment (3:47 AM, above). Maybe looks are important to a man (no maybe about it, really), but poise and bearing play important roles in physical attractiveness, and they are controllable.

I'm pregnant. I was slightly overweight to begin with, so I've read a lot about how to avoid excessive weight gain during pregnancy and stay in shape. I'm working hard on it. And it's for both my husband AND me. What's wrong with doing something to keep myself attractive for him? He keeps his well-paying software development job in part for me! I work, too, but I make much less money.

All of these arguments about the excuses of letting oneself go - kids, finances, whatever...what the hell, having kids should force you to run around, burning calories, and eat healthier, because you surely don't want to raise kids on a bunch of damned junk food.

I just don't get it. Or, I guess I do, and it makes me sad. These women think that the world owes them something. Newsflash: the world doesn't owe any of us anything, regardless of gender, shape, color, or anything else.

Jessica F.
at November 3, 2010 5:37 AM

Jezebel is a waste of time. Lots of people naively hoping for life to be the way they think it should be, without really thinking things through. Hell, one of their lead stories today is Lady Gaga being haunted by a ghost named Ryan.

...as feminists we think it's fucking ridiculous that women are valued for their looks

Also, this doesn't make a lot of sense. As sexual partners, yes, women are valued for their looks. But there are many other facets of life in which looks don't matter very much. For example, I don't have my job because I have pretty hair. My friends like me for different reasons, same for family.

But for anyone who is considering having sex with you, looks are important.

MonicaP
at November 3, 2010 7:30 AM

Ben David that is stupid. At what stage of life are people no longer interested in companionship, love, romance, intimacy, and the things that go with them?

Robert
at November 3, 2010 8:07 AM

I was most amused by the poster at Jezebel who questioned whether you had heard of Simone de Beauvoir.

I get the feeling that yes, you have. I'm not sure if the poster knows much about her, though.

Pricklypear
at November 3, 2010 8:10 AM

I was also amused by the poster who suggested that Amy's opinion was invalid because she isn't married and has no kids. Way to go standing up for the diversity of women's lives, there.

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/03/reality_is_such_1.html#comment-1775970">comment from Pricklypear

I was most amused by the poster at Jezebel who questioned whether you had heard of Simone de Beauvoir. I get the feeling that yes, you have. I'm not sure if the poster knows much about her, though.

Not only do I know about Simone de Beauvoir, I've actually read her. Not only have I read her, I've rented an apartment from the woman in France who worked with de Beauvoir on the board of Nouvelles Questions Feministes.

What this has to do with my piece, I'm not sure. Is there some evidence in de Beauvoir that men like women who don't groom?

I'm well educated, enjoy reading, enjoy good movies, enjoy the outdoors and travel, enjoy good food, drink in moderation good beers and red wine mostly, I'm a lot of fun to be around (or so I'm told by my friends, and I have a great sense of humor. I'm even super-kind and generous. But I'm equally liable to be breaking it off on somebody in fun ways and I can be opinionated and boisterious, but I'm always interested in everybody else's viewpoints too. I'm a pretty good cook too.

But I'm also middle aged, have a bit of a beer belly, and my hair just ain't as thick as it used to be. Other than that I'm healthy and horny enough to meet your needs.

Ladies... why aren't you all banging down my door? Why don't you appreciate me for what's inside? For who I really am? How come when I'm out at a bar or party with my friends that I can never catch your glances? It's not fair! Whine whine whine... You women are all shallow because all you care about are the superficial things about me... whine whine whine. ;-)

ha ha ha... Ya... it's different when the shoe is on the other gender.

Mark
at November 3, 2010 9:58 AM

I think alot of those feminazis are just plain old lazy. It takes effort to look good, and I don't think most of those women think that they should have to work that hard. But most things in life require hard work in order to achieve a big pay back.

And as for the whining about the fact that you can't change the way you look...
loose weight. Exercise. Buy clothes that fit. Go to a makeup counter in any department store and learn how to apply makeup. Cut your hair on a regular basis. Use over the counter teeth whitener.

I know I'll probably get crap for saying this, but even if I'm just running to the store, I put on some blush and lip gloss. I'm married and certainly not looking to bag another man, but I know that I just look better with some makeup on. Hell, 99% of women do. If you don't believe me, look at those pictorials of stars without makeup. Even Anne Hathaway looks kinda gross without makeup!

UW Girl
at November 3, 2010 10:34 AM

"Furthermore, the culture of lookism thrives on competition and exclusion"

The Taliban have the perfect cure for this lookism problem, if anyone at Jezebel is interested.

If I wanted to create a parody of what feminism has become, I could not outdo the Jezebel sisterhood. They really do believe it's a cosmic injustice that other women, men, the universe and everything in it won't conform to their thoughtless ideology.

Women (and men) need to feel comfortable in their skin, respect their body and genuinely like themselves before even attempting to attract and keep a mate.

Most men I know look beyond just the physical (OK, granted, that is the first thing they look at). "Beauty" is the whole package — looks, weight, humor, smarts, kindness, femininity .... If it works for them, they want it.

And if he's a guy who's only focusing on looks and wants a Maxim cover girl on his arm, well, I really wouldn't want him, now would I?

What I've learned in my years as a single middle-aged women is that men really appreciate a woman who is feminine, who doesn't mind doting on her guy and enjoys sex. Yeah, its seems a bit old-fashioned but a lot of men — modern, progressive-thinking men — like that. I like that, too, and that's why I have a great BF.

Jezebel, get over yourself and tap into your femininity — you may like it.

Funny. Say that smokers stink and smoking is a habit of a typical loser, and smokers will be out in force throwing insults at you. Say that fat people are unattractive, and you will get a lot of "you're so shallow" type of comments (from posters who will fail to mention that they are themselves overweight, of course). And so on. Humans. Can't stand the truth when it's just that.

Alan
at November 3, 2010 11:03 AM

I was just in Europe and as always found myself wishing that Americans took more interest in looking good. (This applies to both sexes: while male good looks may be less important than female ones, the modern male wardrobe of baggy shorts, tee-shirts, and tennis shoes makes us look like a nation populated with child-men, always dressed for the playground.) I don't want a return to corsets and set hairdos for ladies and 24-7 suits for men, but clothing that said that we think of ourselves as mature adults would be nice.

People-watching in Europe is much more satisfying than at home, not just because people are generally more slim but because they add some verve to their dressing. I could always pick out the Americans in St. Petersburg or Venice because they were the ones dressed for a major city like they were just about to climb a mountain.

Astra
at November 3, 2010 11:06 AM

Note the ridiculous extremes some of them took things to, things never even implied in the article. Somehow, they seem to think Amy said the only thing that matters for women is looks and attracting a man, and that men are only attracted to women who look like supermodels.

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/03/reality_is_such_1.html#comment-1776024">comment from Astra

I could always pick out the Americans in St. Petersburg or Venice because they were the ones dressed for a major city like they were just about to climb a mountain.

Even our Secretary of State was running around the other day on some state visit to some foreign locale...wearing a tennis visor on her head! Okay, wear a hat to block out the sun's rays...but maybe one appropriate for something other than the tennis court?

I tried posting a version of my above comment on Jezebel in response and it was never approved. So, I wrote the article's author to find out why they only approve comments (seemingly) from people who agree. The author wrote me back a relatively polite reply (although she refuted my assertion about the comments all being from the same perspective) and referred me to the comment moderator.

I'm currently awaiting her reply, and I'm curious. Amy's blog is filled with people who disagree with one another, and it's more interesting, from my perspective - I learn more. Less two-dimensional this way.

Jessica F.
at November 3, 2010 11:30 AM

I liked the article Amy!

I just wanted to add that I'm a dude and I like looking good and keeping healthy. I try pretty hard to eat right and not get fat because it sucks to feel bad about yourself. Why feminists think it's oppressive and "wrong" for women to feel the same way is ridiculous.

Also, I've always hated the phrase don't judge a book by its cover. You shouldn't judge it exclusively by its cover, but if you're not going to present youself well on the outside why should I assume what's on the inside is any good?

Thanks for reporting that, Jessica F. Gotta love people who can't bear to read or hear dissent. I'm guessing others posted dissenting remarks -- or tried to. Do you still have your comment? I'd love to post it here with anything you hear from Jezebel about what rabbit hole it supposedly went down and why.

Jessica, my comment is also not yet up on Jezebel. Of course, I had to create a new account, and they say new members must "audition" to be able to post. Who knows what that means...

a_random_guy
at November 3, 2010 11:36 AM

Amy Alkon's article is telling you how reality works. It's not PC, and it's not feminist, but it has one unbeatable advantage: it's true.

Agree. If the Jezebel ladies want to trump character over looks, start showing more character and less whining.

From Jezebel:"The problem is, we've created a society in which little girls learn not that looks are one part of the equation, but that looks are everything.

I don't know who "we" are but i'm pretty sure Amy's point is that while looks are indeed important, they are not "everything."

That being said, I live in a college town. I see so many stunning women, yet with a sneer on their face, immaturity/arrogance, lack of social skills and overall bad vibe, how can one not get turned off?
Rarer is the woman with average looks, yet with a quiet confidence and actual personality. She seems to radiate more beauty without even trying.
Such a woman would make me all the more curious.

Guess I prefer the "Mary Ann" types to the "Gingers." Better in the long run.

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/03/reality_is_such_1.html#comment-1776049">comment from MonicaP

Didn't know they'd linked that, MonicaP (I don't have Google alerts on myself). There was one reasonable person who snuck into the comments (this is surprising, considering that JessicaF reports -- and forwarded me her e-mail exchange with Jezebel -- that they won't publish her quite civil comment disagreeing with their current post). Anyway, on that one, here's the reasonable person:

Lucille van Pelt 04/10/09

i'm not seeing what all the fuss is about. i agree with a lot of what she said. if you're not able to get deal with getting pregnant (whether it's to have an abortion, have the child, or give it up for adoption), make sure to use protection. What's wrong with that statement?
She also didn't say anything about women who genuinly accidentaly get pregnant. She was talking about women who lie about being on birth control. And she's right, that's fraud and men should not be held responsible. But, men should also be protective of themselves and use a condom if they don't want that accidental chance.

Patrick, and every once in a great while you commit to writing something that absolutely blows me away (in a good way).

Feebie
at November 3, 2010 1:58 PM

Rush Limbaugh nailed it:

"Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society."

hadsil
at November 3, 2010 3:17 PM

Hey, don't forget the other objective reasons you should get fit and stay that way, rather than whine. When you're overweight:

1) You're a better target for some thug.
2) Physics will see to it that you are more seriously injured in an auto or plane crash.
3) Your risk of cancer and diabetes skyrockets.

Yes, this is all about you!

Should I appreciate you for what you are? Well, yes. If you're overweight and whining, I appreciate that you're a fat whiner. You might - might - have an extenuating circumstance, but if you don't put yourself out there, you damned well can't expect to be noticed.

In his two-volume Guide to the Bible Isaac Asimov considers that Jezebel's last act—that of dressing in all her finery, make-up and jewelry—was deliberately symbolic, indicating her dignity, royal status and determination to go out of this life as a Queen.

I am an overweight woman. I'm 26 and working on it because the types of men I attract at this weight are not the types of men I want to be with long term. I recognize, finally, that men value thinness. I won't ever be as thin as Amy (I'm naturally muscular, typical soccer thighs etc) but I can lose the extra fat.

The type of men I attract now, while insanely hot, have some massive baggage. Prison, drug abusers, underemployed, in a relationship etc. While they are great for a roll in the hay, they aren't men I want to have a life with. I have my shit together. Good job, college graduate and just recently, a homeowner! It would be nice if guys would overlook my fat because of my charming personality and because I'm "good on paper" but that isn't happening and I can accept that. I don't like severely overweight men so how can I judge a guy for rejecting me base on my fat? I can't.

I think the Jezebel Commenters are deluded and can't honestly access themselves. Granted, it took my 5 years but I'm glad I'm 26 and trying to lose the weight rather than 45, bitter and still fat because no man will accept my fat.

Those women end up settling for men who are attracted to them but I doubt the women are attracted to the men. Both are settling, compromising traits they really want in a partner because they don't want to put in the work to be the most desireable they can be to the opposite sex.

Casey
at November 3, 2010 4:46 PM

Sorry for the typos and all that... Access should be assess. Typing on my phone while watching tv!

http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2010/11/03/reality_is_such_1.html#comment-1776204">comment from Casey

Casey, I have a friend who's never been able to lose weight but who is very, very good at dressing and carrying herself. If you ask me if she's fat, I'd have to tell you she is, but she always wears high heels and jewelry and always dresses up and looks put together, and comes off very sexy. Attitude is part of it. She's also had better success with black men than white, although she's a white woman.

Amy- I definitely try to dress nice, in flattering clothes and do my hair and makeup. Since I'm young, that just means some tinted moisturizer, eye shadow and mascara luckily. People (mainly women) always say I'm put together and not "fat" but come on... I know I am!

I also have better luck with black men hitting on me. Unfortunately, where I live and where I am when they hit on me (bars and clubs) they are the stereotypical thugs. I dated a few black guys before I got fat but I've always had an ass, thighs and tits. I tend to hear "Oooh, I love a thick women, baby you are fine!!" that line so doesn't work on me! When I had sex with those guys, I couldn't get over the scent. It was a turnoff. It was a mixture of cocoa butter and BO. I know there are nice, clean black guys but I haven't come across them here in good ol Oklahoma!

Casey
at November 3, 2010 5:12 PM

Yawn... making fun of the NOW feminists has gotten too easy. Not much sport in it anymore...

Casey, you hang in there. As you get in shape, the next thing you should be thinking about doing is changing some of the places where you hang out so you can start meeting a better class of men. This is something you may not be used to, and you may not be reading signs from better men because you've gotten used to being around the thugs.

And going back to what Jessica F. wrote: I'm convinced now that a lot of it consists of just putting forth the effort. A good impression can stay with your mate for a long time and will cover up a lot of small flaws, as long as you are showing that you care enough to keep trying. That's one thing I've realized over the duration of my marriage. Sometimes my wife looks in the mirror and sees a middle-age woman and she gets discouraged. She's done a fine job of keeping herself in shape, but as you age certain things happen that you can't do much about. However, when I look at her, that's not what I see. I see the woman I married 17 years ago. She made a great first impression on me, and in my mind's eye, that's still what she is. Because she cares enough to stay in the ballpark.

Cousin Dave
at November 3, 2010 6:40 PM

You go girl. Congratulation on how you worked to get the attention in NYC and booked on the Today Show. Hard work and smarts and persistence CAN and DO do it.

Regarding making an effort, Gregg is not a dress-up kind of guy, but because I always look nice, he always tries to dress like a gentleman when we go out: jacket, nice shirt, etc. Sometimes, he's a little disheveled, but I find it charming and very sweet -- the fact that he makes an effort and that there are these little rough edges still showing through.

even if I'm just running to the store, I put on some blush and lip gloss.

I do this, too. There are women who look very cute out and about in sweatpants and no makeup. I am not one of them. I astounded a girl a few weeks ago when I told her that I don't run to the grocery store in my sweats. It's not hard for me to pull on a fitted tee and a pair of jeans so that I don't look slobby. I feel better when I look good, but that doesn't mean that I must wear a full face of makeup and stilettos everywhere as the Jezebel posters seem to think of as the only other alternative to looking like I should be wandering around the Nebuchadnezzar. There are ways to look put-together without succumbing to society's view of women solely as sex objects (or some such nonsense). I even *gasp* wear dresses to the movies or to class. And I always get comments about being "dressed up." Really? Because a matte jersey dress is the easiest, most comfortable, most forgiving piece of clothing I could choose for myself (and perfect for the 100+ degree weather we have down here in the summer).

Isomber: I'm with you on the "we" part. I grew up a girl in this "beauty-obsessed" society and yet I somehow managed to escape becoming a mindless media automaton with no effort on my part. I'm not saying the media doesn't have a hand in any of this, but there are people to blame for some of these girls' plights that are closer to home (literally, I suspect). I like looking good, but I don't like to look like I'm trying to be a cover model. And I've been told that I have personality to spare. I'm a Mary Ann and proud of it!

flighty: damn straight on the judging a book by its cover. Were we not supposed to, then thousands of marketing people would be out of jobs. Just like you can't tell that a book is going to have searing social satire from three aisles away, you similarly can't tell if a woman's going to have values you respect from across the bar. Something must be done to capture your attention so you can find those things out for yourself.

NumberSix
at November 3, 2010 9:27 PM

The thing I find hilarious, is these are probably the same women who will defend a woman's "right to choose" not to date, say, a short man.

And I say that as a short man myself. (actually, I think I might be "average" but since I'm under 6 ft, that counts as short as far as attractiveness goes)

Paul
at November 3, 2010 9:29 PM

The trouble with feminists is that their ugliness is not just skin deep ... it goes to the bone. Throw some lipstick on them and you've still got a pig (to mix metaphors.)

AllenS
at November 3, 2010 11:06 PM

Now here's a mystery. I went to see if my comment was up on the Jezebel article (it wasn't). Somehow, on my first try, I wound up at the wrong article.

This other article says much the same things as Amy, but the reactions of the Jezebelites are totally different:

If I enjoy the fact that my current and definitely last hubby is hott, it's because I have experienced the 'now we're married I can go to pot' from my Ex. Among other reasons, of course, one of the things that drove me away was his complete break from doing anything remotely physical, eating like a pig, balooning weight, etc.
I survived breast cancer, busted my butt in body sculpting classes, ate like a horse because I was working out and I could, but still ate healthy. When all was said and done, the Ex just didn't apeal to me physically, and his 'I don't care' mentallity turned me off mentally as well. Hence his "Ex" status.

I suppose I should add that my new, hott hubby is also my best friend, and we work on keeping things interesting, fun and sexy together. We are a team, and I think that matters a lot.
Oh, and we've been happily married for 5 going on 6 years, despite our age difference, rollercoaster ups and downs financially, and all the other things that could have sunk us, so I'm pretty sure my investment in a little makeup and hair time was well worth the effort!

Kat
at November 4, 2010 3:15 AM

Jezebel posters are hypocrites. One woman ripped Amy's article and then went on to state that she wears makeup and fancy shoes because it makes HER feel good and because her husband likes it. Umm... why does it make her feel good and why does her husband like it? Could it be because of what Amy wrote about in the very article that that poster is denigrating?

[Also, no-one here has mentioned the fact that Jezebel's site basically only offers celebrity news and fashion - talk about stereotyping women. Those are the two most uninteresting news items they could post. Jezebel must be the site where uneducated, uninteresting, low IQ feminists go to for their 'news.']

I am a feminist, as in, I believe that women deserve equal pay for equal work and that men and women should be subject to the same laws and enjoy the same rights. I liked Amy's article and saw nothing anti-feminist about it. Humans are animals, no-one complains that the fancier a male peacock is the more female peacocks want to mate with him (poor peacock, he must feel so objectified). It is the reality of nature.

As for the women who complain that women should not have to get up a five a.m. to get ready for work at nine a.m., how bloody long does it take them to put on makeup? It takes me about three minutes.

What about the people who complain that women should be able to dress comfortably and (only in their minds) it is not possible to be attractive and comfortable. Hunh? I wear dresses almost every day because there is not a more comfortable article of clothing. Not only am I more comfortable than non-dress wearers but I look more attractive and feminine.

Those complainers go on about how they want to wear tracksuits around the house because they want to be comfortable and should be able to relax in their own homes. I would not be caught dead in a tracksuit. No-one sent me the memo that said comfort means looking like a slob.

The moment I get home from work I take off my work clothes and put on lounge clothes. My version of comfortable clothing is sexy, attractive lingerie. My husband has never once complained about me wearing lacy, feminine and revealing lingerie around the house. I am more comfortable than the chick in a tracksuit because not only am I physically comfortable but I know I look hot; whereas, tracksuit chick knows she looks dumpy and knowing you look dumpy makes you feel bad and uncomfortable.

Being a feminist does not mean being unfeminine. I revel in my femininity. I love being a woman, I am thankful that I am not a man. Women who denigrate their femininity look gay. Let's face it, who wasn't shocked to discover that the tracksuit wearing, short-haired femijock from highschool married a man! Women should revel in their femininity, not emulate men.

Ingrid
at November 4, 2010 8:44 AM

I checked out his Twitter page, and I can't even read it. I'm not totally sure the guy was even speaking English. How can you have a "Twitter war" with someone with such poor communication skills? o_0