She’s Just A Friend

You meet a woman—she’s cute, smart, good sense of humor, and is fun to be around. So why can’t you see her as more than a friend? Perhaps she suffers from a condition called: Dude-ish. Let’s face it, a man wants a lady. The type of woman he could take home to mom, or envision mothering his children. A major turn off for most men is when a woman doesn’t embrace or fully understand femininity. I’m not advocating for stilettos and miniskirts, or embracing some commercialized perception of femininity, but it’s more of an attitude. Here are 5 reasons why you likely keep her in the friend zone:

Cursing. A woman that curses like it’s going out of style is semi-cute for about two minutes—kind of like the baby that shows up in tons of memes online. You know the one. A little boy at a UK soccer match exhibiting hooliganism—frowned face, middle finger extended, and surrounded by adult fans. It makes you chuckle because it’s the opposite of what modern society considers to be decent. Let’s face it; men want to feel like they exert the masculinity in the relationship. If every time a woman opens her mouth, she reminds you of a frat brother—it’s a turn-off. Nothing against the classic F-bomb, it’s become a quintessential part of the lexicon and has merit in certain situations. But if a woman drops one every other word, it’s definitely a romance killer. As a friend of mine once put it, after I asked him why he wouldn’t date a girl who was clearly into him—“She talks like a dude.”

Etiquette. It’s great when a woman gets comfortable with a man, but comfortable enough to burp or pass gas in front of him can be hard to handle. I was once on a date where a woman drank two Diet Cokes in a forty minute sitting. On the second, when she reached the bottom of the glass, after a few final slurps, she released an eardrum-rattling belch. The patrons sitting near us stopped eating for a moment, clearly annoyed and disgusted. I was embarrassed. She brushed it off with an obnoxious laugh. I quickly asked the waitress for the check.

Attire. It’s widely accepted that women are keen on how a man dresses. It’s one of the things they consider to be attractive. When a man dresses poorly, a woman can lose interest. A man who doesn’t dress well has become such a social cliché, that it’s inspired make-over segments on morning talk shows and became the basis for the reality TV series—“Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”. But what of the women who struggle in the fashion department? I’m not saying a woman needs to be a fashionista, but men do notice when a woman presents herself well—a well fitted skirt, a tailored blouse, etc. I recently saw a woman enter a hotel lobby in high heels. I watched her struggle. It looked as if she was going to trip at any minute. She was greeted by a man—well-dressed in a sport coat and denim. After a quick embrace, he placed his hand on the small of her back and followed behind her into the hotel’s bar. A few steps in, and he looked down, clearly noticing that her shoes were too big and the back of the pump was gapping. In that moment, his body language changed. He seemed less in awe, maybe a little blasé. In every situation, confidence is everything. When a woman exudes it, it’s an incredibly attractive quality. And a woman who is comfortable in her clothes will always emerge confident—always. Shoes that are too big aren’t the end of the world, but if it affects how a woman carries herself and it diminishes her confidence, it can leave damper on the first impression.

Talking About Other Men. The fastest way for a man to lose romantic interest in a woman is if she constantly talks about the other men she’s dated. Even if it isn’t true, a man wants to feel like he’s different—as if he’s captured a woman’s attention like no other man before him. A man will relegate a woman to friend zone swiftly if she continuously talks about other men. A man recognizes that the woman his dating probably dated and slept with other men; however, reminders are not necessary. This also includes displayed photos of previous boyfriends—especially intimate ones. As a man who’s experienced this, it’s not a good feeling. Though it wasn’t done in spite, when I saw a picture of a girlfriend kissing her ex, who she admittedly still was hung up on; it made me withdraw from the relationship. What some women fail to understand is that mystery is good. Men don’t want, nor do we need, to know everything about you in the first few months of dating. Men need pieces of information, and time to process that information. Unless it’s something highly pertinent; such as, a risk to your partner’s health or safety, a man doesn’t need to know right away. Even if you’ve cheated in the past, don’t drop that chestnut on him after the first few dates. Let him get to know you first and then be upfront. As long as a woman is truthful, a man shouldn’t lose respect for her.

Cold and Cavalier. In romance men like a challenge—it’s the taming of the shrew. During the courting phase, playing hard to get can entice men. Once that phase is complete, a woman who’s cold, distant and aloof will only push a man away. A man needs a sign that a woman is interested. Some women seem to think a nonchalant or “whatever” approach to dating is the best policy. Tragically, there are women who will run good men away playing this juvenile game. Men crave directness and decisiveness when it comes to feelings. The marble throne in the high court of the friend zone is reserved for the woman who truly doesn’t know what she wants. Sometimes a man will stay in the picture hoping she’ll figure it out, but in time he’ll move on. It’s always best to have a defined relationship. Leaving someone in limbo only leads to resentment. Men are notorious for pretending not to be interested because they don’t want to come off desperate. However, it’s a double-standard, and though unfair, it’s a game a woman should never engage in. And frankly, if a man is really interested, he should have the balls to pick up the phone sooner rather than later.

At the end of the day, when a man truly likes a woman, he will overlook some things. The same goes for women. The friend zone is a place neither party wants to end up in, and a way to avoid it is to exercise tact and ethical judgment—along with staying humble, being honest and keeping these five tidbits in mind. After all, anything is worth a try when it comes to having a successful relationship.