Saturday, February 15, 2014

Be Mine, Valentine

The twins valentines turned out really cute. Pun on pun intended. The teachers and the kids were all crazy about them. We did our part to combat the sugar problem :-) Christina actually found the idea for us on Pinterest.

Our Valentines Day did not go super duper well, actually. Missy had ideas tending towards misery and resistance but changed her mind when she recognized her twin was suiting up for battle. He had been somewhat unbalanced the day before. Switching from angry and threatening to giggly and silly. He was definitely lethargic and lazy. In an angry moment he jammed a cup into the garburator that had to be cut out. So here we were Valentines morning and he was in a "MOOD". He spilled water on the floor and when I had him clean it up he threw a tantrum. When I tried to help him with something he flat out refused to cooperate. It was all downhill from there. I called the school at 7:20. The principal answered the phone. The secretary was out for the day so I told the principal I was sure I would have more than a little trouble getting this kid on the bus. He said, "No problem, just tell him I'll get his teacher and we'll be out to get him shortly. See what his reaction is to that, and if he decides to get here on his own then great, if not, I'll be out. Just call me back in ten minutes and let me know which way he's going to move."

When I told James I had called the principal he went berserk. He screamed that he hated me and that I was a stupid idiot. etc... and he trashed his room. He slammed his door, he tore up magazines, threw his toys and took the pictures off the walls. Interestingly, he tore up things that did not matter to him. He had a set of screwdrivers on the dresser, but he did not use them for his destruction. He carefully took the sheep he had made off the door, but didn't wreck it. The pictures were under the bed, the glass not broken. He was verbally aggressive but he made no move to hurt me. Mostly I just left him to his folly. I have learned not to get involved too much.

I called the principal back. When I told him of the violence he opted for another big guy over the teacher. So that is how we had the principal and vice principal over Valentines morning at 7:45. The screams from James room suddenly had a different tone when he saw their truck pull up. "Mom, MOMMY. MOM!!!!!" I ignored him. When they knocked I pointed in the direction of his room where the screams were escalating and the door slammed harder.... then all went silent and soon a very mellow child appear in boots and a coat and he was ushered out to the truck. The men called instructions to me on their way out to leave his room trashed. They would be working on a plan with James to clean it up himself.

Later Rhett pointed out that James was NOT really out of control, he was disrespecting me, but the moment the two men walked into his room he stopped instantly. He cooperated with them fully.

I picked up the twins early from school as I didn't believe they deserved to go to the Valentines party at school.

Everyone at school knew. They were all very sweet and supportive. I could tell there was a new understanding of what we are dealing with. Even Missy's teachers were fully aware of the morning's craziness and encouraged me to keep calling them for help. I had a conversation with Missy's special ed teacher (someone I had not met before) that had a better handle on Missy than anyone to date. She explained their tailor-made system of rewards and punishments - and how they have learned to avoid Missy controlling all of it. She insinuated that they have had trouble with getting her on the bus on time at school in the past but have come up with a plan that works. I was much relieved. I have felt that in the past she has manipulated her way around the school.

James came home and cleaned up his room. He is not right, though. He is angry and sullen. He is grasping at control. Steve took him hiking alone this afternoon. The kiddo is announcing that he's moving on to the junior class at church next week because he's turning ten. He just forgot to consult us. If we decide to move him to juniors it will only be because his dad is the teacher and not because of his maturity. :-P

Here we are. The downhill gets steeper and steeper. There was a time I thought we could help these kids. Anymore, I fear for their future. It still stands that we gave them an opportunity. What they do with that is up to them. Over and over we think of How God Must Feel over the waywardness of His children.

Brianna's new computer died completely. She's devastated. A lot of her dreams and plans have evaporated in her face. She had a significant video project in the making for OCI that she was quite excited about and poof..... The Refiner's fire.

13 comments:

Oh, what a blessing to have such amazing support from the school!!! I am so thankful right along with you. Keep on keeping on. They've come so far. They may never reach what you desire for them, but whatever they do reach will be far, far more than they would have without you. Praying for Brianna. That is TOUGH!!!!!

I'm praying for you, Ange. I can't imagine anyone else has it harder in raising children. May the Lord reveal Himself in this monumental battle. Just know, we are with you in heart. God will give you the victory. Dad

I'm praying for you, Ange. I can't imagine anyone else has it harder in raising children. May the Lord reveal Himself in this monumental battle. Just know, we are with you in heart. God will give you the victory. Dad

The enemy is really hammering you and Brianna now. I can't imagine the level of hurt you're going through! We are praying for you and the twins. Let us know what else we can do. It's good you have Rhett's support. --Dale

I'm so sorry you are going through this and I totally "get it." Yesterday, was not a good one for Matthew. Love how the school supports you in this battle! That is fabulous! I continue to pray for peace for you and healing for your kiddos.

I am in awe of your school!! I know this is going to sound crazy maybe, but there's something I've been thinking about. There is a verse in Isaiah 61 that says the Lord would come to bind up the brokenhearted. It is repeated in Luke 4 when Jesus proclaims it about Himself and fulfills prophesy.

We all have things in our lives that wound us. Some more so than others. Satan loves nothing more than to destroy relationships because the heart of the Lord is relationship. Jesus came with a ministry of reconciliation to reconcile our relationships with the Lord. Satan hates families. He already broke their natural family and now he's trying to destroy their relationship with your family, especially their relationship with you. It follows them like a cloud though and threatens every relationship they have. Yes, I know they are participating with him in this destruction, but what if you started praying for the Lord specifically to bind up their broken hearts and to proclaim liberty to them that they not be captives to this cycle of destruction? I am afraid I don't know as much as I should about your faith and beliefs, but maybe you could take them to the elders of the church even and have them anointed and prayed over for healing? The church I was raised in did not do that, but I attend a church now that would do that. I believe healing from their wounds is more important even than physical healing. Please don't read this with anything more than love and concern. I do not mean to insinuate or make you feel like you've not done enough.

I know how hard this road is, unfortunately my son's now 21 and I'm desperately searching for how to help him. He will be a Dad in April and what I am sharing with you is what I've been reading in my quest to try to reach him.

Thank you all for your comments and encouragement. I am grateful for the very caring people in the twins school. They are amazing. I couldn't ask for better, kinder, more helpful people. It takes a village...

Brianna's computer will likely come home from Africa with Pastor Jason next week. We will see about getting it fixed, or at least save the data. It is so new that it is still under warranty. I'm hoping someone will be willing to take it back to her... I know of a family traveling there in March. I just need to contact them.

Julie, thank you for sharing your heart. I hear your pain and I know that you have traveled a road similar. I agree with your thoughts! We had talked about an anointing... I think we ended up doing a dedication which is something every family in the church usually does, but perhaps we ought to consider an anointing. We are at the place of believing these are mentally ill children.

How did it go today now that the kids both know the school does mean business? I know that facing mental illness is such a big dark scary unknown but I know that no matter what, God is in control. I was so praying that James was receiving healing and restoration. I didn't realize he was so close to the slope. I will be praying. We do dedication too in the church I am in. I love the heart behind that practice. I definitely think being emotionally/mentally ill should be reason to ask the elders to pray.

James 5:14 Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord:

Well, there was no school Monday... President's Day. I was actually worried how the day would go. No school -and worst of all they had NOT slept a wink. They skied all day Sunday and then we celebrated their birthday with a little gluten free pizza and juice and decided to wait to give them their gift till morning. BIG mistake. At 11:30pm Missy was running around the house and playing. James was rolling around. At midnight I gave them melatonin and valerian and it didn't do a thing. They were bouncing off the walls at 6am. Anyway, they got their bikes and rode them for a few hours and I worked on skip counting by 3 and their times tables. Missy was the only one who was passive aggressive with me during the drills. I sent her away to work it out on her own every time and she came around. They basically had a fit every time I spoke to them throughout the day (other than the math time) and must have been put in time -out 10 times each but there was no explosion. We'll see what today brings.

This Blogger....

Angela Ford

I am mother to 5 plus. My husband and I are blessed with three lovely teenage daughters and we adopted 6 year old twins through the domestic adoption process. We are also licensed foster parents and have been privileged to have a part in reuniting a family and we continue to be there in support of this family. It has been a blessed experience. Occasionally we do respite but currently we have a placement sibling set of two little brothers. Mostly, this blog is about the journey of raising children adopted domestically and conquering the hurdles that make life difficult for them. The twins are almost 10 now, and they are in school as special ed kiddos because of their developmental delays and trauma and executive brain function disorders. It's a tough road. One that we need God to give us strength and wisdom to travel.