Abduction Concerns Leave Children Wary Of Adults

Abduction Attempts Generate Mistrust

December 08, 1992|By GERALD JACOBS; Courant Staff Writer

Linda Mercuri once learned a lesson while food shopping with her 5-year-old daughter.

Like so many parents today, Mercuri had clearly warned her three children not to talk to strangers. But as Mercuri waited to check out her groceries, she began chatting with the woman ahead of her, as people waiting on line at supermarkets often do. Mercuri's 5-year-old quickly interrupted.

"Don't talk to her," the child chastised her mother. "She's a stranger."

In a state in which more than a dozen abduction attempts of children have been reported in recent months, the child's reaction isn't surprising.

"It's a very frustrating situation," said Mercuri, who asked that her home town not be used. "You want to protect your child, but you don't want to stifle them."

From the more immediate concern of how to protect a child from an abduction springs another issue: how those fears affect the way children view adults and adults view children.

For children, the threat of abduction attempts leads to a pointed distrust of those they don't know. For parents, it can bring on an anxiety the children can feel as the parents struggle to make their children's world safer. And for other adults, it can give them a role that they have done nothing to deserve -- that of a suspect.

"Unfortunately, all strangers get cast in the role of being dangerous," said Stephen A. Anderson, a professor of family studies at the University of Connecticut.

Linda Mercuri's 10-year-old son, Joey, says he is usually an outgoing boy who likes to meet others. He only worries occasionally about the idea of abduction, he says. Still, he keeps his distance from any adult he does not know.

"You sort of have to be afraid of [abduction]," Joey said. "It can happen to anybody."

Or as Kristen Lombardo, an 11-year-old, says, "When I'm walking

down the street I'm very aware of my surroundings. I can't believe that people would do stuff like that."

Kristen and Joey's apprehension reflects the way many children now look at the world. But the question of whether children distrust adults more now than in the past is difficult to gauge, said J. Conrad Schwarz, a University of Connecticut psychologist.

"There are no ... surveys that measure a child's trust of adults," he said. "We just don't have the data."

Despite the absence of that data, Schwarz believes children do distrust strangers more now.

"The kids watch television themselves, and the more frequently this type of event with strangers [occurs], the more likely they are to become wary of strangers," Schwarz said.

"I'm struck by the fact that this is a condition of urban living. I have some nephews who live in a small rural community and they grew up knowing everybody. But where we live in big, urban societies, most of the people are strangers."

While most parents have always wanted to know where their children are and what they're doing, today the prospect that something bad may happen keeps children even closer to home.

Joey, for instance, says he likes to ride his bicycle, but he stays within his suburban neighborhood. There are no adventurous trips farther away for him. And while Kristen's friends sometimes go shopping together, she is forbidden to go unless an adult is present.

The limited independence allowed them is in marked contrast to the world Bob Cornish of Plainville lived in when he grew up in New Britain 25 years ago.

"At 10, it was nothing for me to take a walk down to Main Street to the old Strand Theater," he recalled. "[Or] my mother would pack us a lunch and we'd go up to the old Nike missile base. We'd be gone from 9 a.m. to 4 p.m. [on our own]."

But with his concerns about safety, Cornish said he is hesitant even to allow his 11-year-old daughter to ride just a few blocks away on her bicycle to pick up milk for the family.

"In general, I have not allowed my children to do what I did when I was their age," he said. "I've just always been extra-cautious. ... I think the abductions ensure that I'll be keeping it [that way]."

The threat of abduction changes not only a child's world, but their parents' world, too. Those fears are made more palpable and more immediate by simply turning on the television set, Schwarz said. That is in contrast to the 1920s and 1930s, when newspapers and radio reported on the abductions of Charles Lindbergh Jr. and other children.

"I'm not so sure the concern [about abduction] is new," he said. "What is new is the publicity over television about this. ... Every abduction is getting coverage, and we see the pain of the parents who have had their child abducted."

The prospect of abduction can often become more unnerving for parents than for children, psychologists say. Michael Hatcher, a psychologist at the University of California at San Francisco, has studied the abduction issue for the past 12 years.

"We have not found evidence to support that [there is] a great increase of anxiety on the part of kids, but rather on the part of parents" after reported abductions, Hatcher said.