This is a blog about many things – primarily, my weight loss journey.
After being admitted to Hospital in July 2010 (for a condition unrelated to my weight), I was shocked to discover that I weighed 243 kilograms. At this point, I made the decision to have Lap-Band surgery – something I’d been thinking about doing for some time but had been putting off.
Please share the highs and lows with me as I go on this journey to strive to find a healthier and happier me.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

The bad, the bad and the ugly...

Just a warning – this blog isn’t so positive other than to say these are the only comments I’ve had to remove and you’ll soon see why.

Over the past few days, I have had thousands of hits.Each time I have had a negative comment, I have removed it however, when speaking to a friend today, she said she thought I should leave the derogatory comments up there so that people can see them.I didn’t really want to do that as I didn’t want my blog to be a battle field although I think it’s important that I show the comments I have received and deleted off my blog.

Once again, please don't read these comments if you might be saddened by some of the things that have been said to me. Please keep in mind that out of all the comments that I have had so far, these have been the only negative ones which is a positive sign. I've had more support than anything.

The ones that I think are constructive in some way (or a little bit funny), I have left on my blog however, the following are the ones that I have removed.I have put them up, word for word.

Can I say that it’s rather amusing how most of these comments are from anonymous people.My blog is open and I don’t moderate the comments until they are up there.None of these comments have bothered me as I’ve heard them all before.Some of you may find some of the comments hurtful as they are not all directed at me solely.

1.27am 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post “Humbled…”

Your a ugly f*****g slut. Onece you have lost your weight youll still be f*****g ugly. do everyone a favour and take your photos down fat sloth.

12.32am 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Humbled...":

yuk!

12.12am 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Humbled...":

I think its disgusting people like you lay around getting fat then the rest of us tax payers have to pay to get you well again. stop clogging up our health system you people make me sick!

7.17pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Humbled...":

saw you on both TT and ACA tonight. I get why you spoke up, but I read on your blog a few weeks ago that one of your sons didn't want you to come to his school because he was embarrassed, or something like that. Aren't you concerned that you have now made this situation worse for him, having your picture in the paper and on two media programs? You could have done all this, without showing your face and still had a positive result. I notice you didn't use your married name either. Like I say, I get your reasons, but maybe you should think about how your actions effect your family. I think your weight loss is great, your blog in interesting to read and follow, but now I think you may have opened a can of worms for your 4 kids, you can never put away. That's a real shame. I only hope I am wrong.

9.52pm 7.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I ran... again!":

How does somebody this fat get pregnant? Were you inseminated? Just shows *ANY* woman can get pregnant and sprout out kids..I think its very selfish, you are probably going to drop dead at any time. You have no right to have children.

Honestly, how difficult it can be to stay fit and slim??? Just follow 2 rules: eat properly and exercise! This works for any human being on the planet. And no surgery would be needed....

10.24pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Exciting times ahead :)":

Omg your HUGE

6.20pm 8.7.2011 This is Jimmy has left a new comment on your post "I did have my vent... and it was loud!":

Shame shame shame on these lazy people geting so fat and the worst thing is they let their kids get fat!You should be charged with child abuse you sick twisted people!

6.02pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Exciting times ahead :)":

"I can't help it that I'm fat" "This diet doesn't work", etc.......

I'm so damn sick of hearing all these lame excuses that fat, lazy people give for their gluttony. It IS your fault. YOU have to do the work on a diet, fool. My tax dollars pay for your insulin, you type 2 diabetic jerks. If you got diabetes because you are fat, it is all your fault. Maybe if you spent a little bit of time actively exercising self control, hell, just actively exercising, you wouldn't be such a disgusting, unhealthy, sweaty, smelly nauseating person disguised as Jabba the Hutt.

5.56pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Exciting times ahead :)":

I'm angry at fat people because they say that they are happy with the way they look and then give skinny girls (like me) dirty looks and call us names!! STUPID! It also pisses me off that they try to pass off that I'm only skinny because of genes or fast metabolism! BULLSHIT! I work my ASS OFF (LITERALLY) IN THE GYM!!! There is no way that I would be skinny if I sat on my butt eating cookies!!! It makes me mad when they call me "BARBIE GIRL" in a condescending way, like it's my fault that they stuffed their faces and now they're bitter and they're going to take it out on me and all other skinny girls!!! I also get mad when they tell me, "oh you'll be fat when you get older" OR "You'll get fat when you get married" Honey, I don't think so! I'll be working out and eating healthy 'til the day I DIE!!!!!! Anyways, I plan on getting skinnier when I get married because I'll be having SEX ALL THE TIME! I know I will because I'm skinny and I look good! STOP GOING TO MCDONALDS, KFC, PIZZA HUT ETC.........................! Losing weight is simple and includes COMMON SENSE!!! If you think eating mcdonalds is going to help you lose weight....YOU HAVE NO COMMON SENSE! Get a life and stop giving us girls dirty looks, it will only make me flaunt it more!!!

12.13pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "I did have my vent... and it was loud!":

To all you women out there that use the "I have just had a child" excuse to be fat, please remember you gave birth to a 2 or 3 kilogram human not a 20 kg calf!!!!!!!!

There is no reason to be so enormous you fat piggies..................

12.06pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Humbled...":

Why should we care about fat people who got that way from siting around eating and being lazy? this is pathetic! Boo whoo poor me. So are you saying that you should take up 2 or 3 other peoples seats and that's their problem? Have some respect and consideration you selfish things!!!!!

I suppose given the fact these lovely people have taken the time out of their lives to visit my blog, I should show them the decency of sharing their comments with you all.

You are welcome to respond however, please remember to be constructive rather than nasty. The things that are written above is the exact reason why I did what I did - it's not acceptable. Even if it's online where some 'keyboard hero' thinks they can lash out at me (or others, for that matter).

I like how all these people are CARRYING on about how ALL fat people are lazy and ALL eat KFC/ Maccas ect.....What about the people who are fat and have jobs/ look after their kids & eat decently (Yeah probably not the best)?

So, I am lazy just cos Im fat? I work a strenuous job, fair enough I dont go to the gym/ workout cos I am exhausted when I get home. I also have 2 kids, go to uni as well as working... When am I suppose to find the time?

I like this chick who is all like "I work my ass off" Good luck sweet heart!! I dont give a shit what you do! I dont blame anyone but myself for my weight (Im fairly certain Steph hasnt either) I dont EXPECT anyone to support me and/ or my weight (in case you cant read, I support myself).By the way there is NO such thing as a fast/slow metabolism.

Also Steph has never relied on the government for anything. She paid for her surgery, she has been working, so how is she relying on the health care system to look after her? Just because SOME people are 'fat & lazy' ect doesnt mean all of us are. Just like SOME 'skinny' people are sluts, some are LAZY, SOME DONT WORK... Does that mean all them are like that??????

This is the thing that totally shits me, people DISCRIMINATE against each other "FAT, SKINNY, LAZY, SLUTS, FRIDGET, UGLY, BABY MAKERS" If we arent "perfect" there has got to be something wrong with them. Why cant all of that crap just be NORMAL!! IT IS NORMAL!!

How about instead of attacking each other we SUPPORT each other then we might live in a society that people care about each other rather than HATING each other!!

Sadly Steph you could still be the skinniest person on the train and narrow minded people will still find something to pick on you about. What I would love is Today Tonight to get these people face to face with you and let them say it all to your face and infront of the viewers. Let's then see how tough they are. You are inspiring. You children couldn't have a better mother. Best wishes.

Steph, like I have said on two previous comments - these peoples comments are a reflection of what they dislike about what they see in them selves - I note one used the word 'gluttony' I think we have to remind ourselves that the meaning of 'gluttony' is not just confined to over eating. Even if this ignoramus is thin, they probably have there own issues with 'gluttony' and thats what they have such a hate for 'gluttony' the problem is they are assuming that thats why you are over weight - which could be far removed from the truth. Really, you need to feel sorry for these DEFENSIVE, INSECURE people because they really have some issues to feel a need to lash out like that. I mean come on....'sick and tired of the tax payers picking up the medical bill for over weight people' what a stupid comment..everyone knows alcohol related problems are the biggest cost to the Australian tax payer - $36 billion dollars a year, not over weight people and I can bet you they drink. Some people jsut need to wise up and look at the bigger picture. Small minded people.

hahahahahahaha seriously? these comments are pathetic. To the 'barbie girl' poster...hey theres a difference between trying to look good and tring to take care of yourself. She is obviously a slave to this culture of perfectionism. Hey not everyone is perfect but you can take care of your health even if you dont look good! Funny how 'barbie girl' managed to turn her whole post around to be about herself...just goes to show the self absorbed nature of the poster.Nasty posters live in a VERY SMALL WORLD, a selfish, self absorbed world because they dont think outside the box and cant see beyond their own noses. Not everyone thinks or acts the same way and if their beliefs are that everyone should think and act like them, then their opinion really has no value at all...it means nothing to anyone but themselves. I'd rather be on a train with a bunch of over weight people than on a train with a bunch of arrogant, egotistical skinny knob jockeys.

It is rather interesting to see what sort of things people have written but like I said, out of all the comments I've had over the past few days, these have been the only nasty ones directed at my blog.

Strips are being torn off me on other people's blogs and hey, that's fine. If people have nothing better to do with their time other than totally justify the reason as to why I spoke out then more power to them. The longer this stuff continues, the longer I'll continue to speak up.

As I have said - even once I have reached my goal, I'll continue to speak up.

I feel like I've turned some corners in recent times in the way I think about my body and the relationship I have with it. I've started to find this sort of material triggering, to be honest. Stuff like this has a tendency to put me back in a negative frame of mind that I have to work to get beyond - despite the fact that I know these sorts of comments are garbage. I read a few and just skipped to the end to leave a comment. Of course, this blog is absolutely your space and you are entitled to post whatever makes you feel good, or whatever you think is constructive and I totally get what you're doing with this post as well - creating visibility for the sort of hate people are willing to put out there. I hope that you are taking good care of yourself right now, just after you've become so visible via media, even if this IS stuff we've all heard before. Lots and lots and lots of love.

I am so bloody proud of you. You have done the right thing to speak out about something that so many people go through. You are brave. I hope the next few weeks are not too tough for you. Stay strong. You are a beautiful girl.

Hey Steph, I think your doing an amazing job and I am really happy for you!!I think that what some people have to say is just discraceful!! You are looking absolutely amazing!! keep up the great work!! (:

Steph you are doing an awesome job speaking up about the discrimination we face every day. I am proud of you. But it is so obvious that people are not aware about the cuases of obesity. Not all of it is from over eating and junk food and being couch potatoes.

I wrote the comment re being worried about how you going on tv would effect your kids when they returned to school etc and I am a little pissy that it was included with the rude pigs who degraded you and were just plain rude and offensive. I wasn't being rude or having a go. In fact I congratulated you on your blog and your weight loss. I was asking a real, genuine question re how you felt your interviews would effect your kids and if you had thought of that. I didn't disagree with you speaking out (I think I actually said that too) I just thought that for you, your family - especially your young kids, it may have been better to ask them not to show your face - Not because you are ugly - you aren't, but to protect yourself and your kids from possible verbal attacks based on the story. I wasn't being rude, I wasn't aggressive, and I didn't insult you and if you think that, you should read it it. Oh and I didn't use my name because I didn't feel it was necessary, not because I was hiding. My name is Andrea, and I am overweight too. I have three kids between 10 and 5 and I live in Hawthorn.

You may have seen some of the other comments that mentioned my Children and as you are a Mother yourself, you would know how defensive you can get when they are bought into things.

Both of my older Children wanted to be (and were asked to be) included in the interview. They nagged and nagged and I told them no as I wasn’t sure how I’d be portrayed by the public for putting my opinion across so strongly. May I also add that they a still quite annoyed with me for not including them although my eldest elbow is shown in one of the shots. He was at the Gym when we did the filming there and also came out for lunch.

They are both so proud of me for what I have done. I have set an example for them that bullying is not on no matter if you’re a Child or an Adult. Given they have been present on a number of occasions when I have been picked on, I figured it’s worse me letting it happen without speaking up than the other which is just putting up with it. That’s not something that they should have to do in this day and age although it was something I have done throughout my whole life up until now.

My eldest is in Year 7 and my 10 year old is in Grade 4. They each have fantastic anti bullying policies that are implemented. When I addressed the issue with my 10 year olds Principal, he got onto it right away and gave me a response the same day that the issue (Callum being picked on because of my size) had been addressed with the Children concerned.

I did consider not showing my face however, I am not ashamed of who I am and hiding behind a pixelated oval on TV seemed to me to defeat the whole purpose. I am not afraid to speak up. I am proud of who I am and what I have achieved thus far. I’m not sure what tomorrow is going to bring (the first day of catching Public Transport since the airing of Today Tonight) however, I am ready for either response. Like I have at the beginning of this blog – I think I’ve heard every insult that could possibly be thrown at me. It no longer hurts, it just pisses me off. It’s un necessary and no one should have to put up with it.

I am sorry if you were upset with me putting your post in with the other messages but as you can see, I’ve been told I shouldn’t even have Children and have even had one saying my Children are overweight and that is why I removed each post about my Children and whichever one is yours has ended up in here.

Thank you for sharing a bit about you with me as well. Once again, sorry if you have taken offence.

i've often written to mx saying how offensive i find the abusive letters about overweight people & smokers. i just don't see the value in printing it. i stopped reading mx for this reason. i've read the comments here and i'm not surprised. i was 170kg at one point and i almost stopped leaving the house. i was terrified cos everywhere i went, people said things, sometimes in front of my friends. i would pass groups of people and just hold my breath, praying they wouldn't say anything. i stopped eating in public, i stopped going to bars and restaurants. it was traumatic. the irony was that the more it happened, the more i ate because the more depressed i got. i came from a really abusive background and i started to eat to deal with that. i'm not saying that my weight gain wasn't my responsibility but i had a breakdown and just couldn't work out how to cope without food. the more i gained, the more scary the world became. i'd walk across the road and men would yell out of cars, "shift it you fat c***" or "move, you fat pig" or make mooing or oinking noises. a homeless man asked me for money and i genuinely didn't have any change on me and apologised and he turned around and said, "i could steal your bag you fat bitch and you'd never catch me cos you can't run". i became afraid to say no to homeless people in case that actually happened. i was followed by one to the public toilets at flinders street and they stole my purse. another guy said to me, "you don't have any spare change? why don't you stop eating then you fat pig?" people would constantly whisper to each other and giggle behind their hands and point. when i travelled to thailand, i was at my most overweight and some of the locals stopped to take photos of me. it was so embarrassing.

i still reel from it and it made my opinion of the world so much worse than it already was. i don't understand this disgust and rage for people who have a visible difficulty, whether it's weight gain or smoking or a health issue. it's just surreal that people use it as a way to beat each other up. i used to find the letters in mx so disturbing with the level of disgust. it's like people behave as though they don't have their own, sometimes less visible, struggles. it's really odd. i watched your interview on today tonight and i was just so impressed. you are so eloquent and so beautiful. i'm so impressed with how hard you've worked and how brave you are being. it's really great to see someone just be themselves. i read some of your blog today and just loved reading how you love yourself and respect yourself. i'm in a funny position at the moment because i injured my knee at gym and so i've recently put some weight back on. i just want you to be careful with your knees and not have the same set back i have had. at fernwood, they had me doing repeated stair and stepper work. it completely destroyed the cartlidge in my knees and the muscles either side of the knee cap to the point where i couldn't exercise for six months. it's been really distressing and every physio i have seen has said that it's not a good idea for overweight people to put so much pressure on their knees. so just keep this in mind at gym. thank you for being the voice of so many of us who have been traumatised by abuse. now that i've lost some weight, i notice how invisible i am. people don't stare when i eat in public or when i get on a plane. once a man refused to sit next to me on a plane and had a very public yelling match with an air hostess who tried to stand up for me. he kept demanding i be moved and i just wanted to die. nowdays i still hold my breath when i pass groups of men or women but they don't notice me. but the teasing and abuse really took it's toll on me. i wish with all my heart that i could have coped in another way other than eating. but i just couldn't. towards the end of my obese times i started to fight back and would yell and confront people about their rudeness. i felt so much anger and so much rage. once, i sat on a train and a lovely thing happened. a very thin woman was sitting in the large, single seats while i was standing because the only other seats on the train where near the window with someone on the outer aisle and i wouldn't fit. she got up to move to a window seat and motioned to me to sit in the larger seat, with a kind smile. i really thought that was lovely of her. this is a bit rambly because i've just poured it out...but all the best and thank you. i have found your story to be incredibly touching and lovely x emma

Thank you for responding to my post. I left the post starting with - "7.17pm 8.7.2011 Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "Humbled...":saw you on both TT and ACA tonight" - since you weren't sure which one was mine.

I certainly meant no offense, and I understand you wanting to protect your children thus removing the post. My kids go to a school with a very strong anti bulling policy too and react instantly to any issue, but sometimes issues aren't bought forward. I am glad you chose not to show your children in the TT interview, it was the correct thing to do. I guess my point was sometimes, when we have issues we have to deal with ourselves, that are personal and then become something we fight for, we can tend to forget about possible fallout. I have seen it happen many times (not with this issue). I guess I was just concerned for your family and friends (not suggesting you weren't). Again, I think your weight loss is great, and I have been reading your blog for a few weeks now. I just think if you are going to leave them off the tv/media interviews, yet post images of them on your blog or mentioned them in it, then you risk people commenting on them or recognising them and teasing them directly - and I am in no way saying that's right at all, it's not. Anyway, I will continue to read your blog with interest and I wish you every success with your weight loss and stair climb.

Proud to be in the "piggy club" with you Steph, knowing the path that we have both had (and the hard work ahead!), knowing the open minded and accepting natured people that we choose to be... It is pretty clear that we have / had issues, and that can be evidenced by the extra weight on our bodies and the scars (physical and mental) that we wear. Food certainly at times became my drug of choice. The next 12 months though are going to be exciting times for us, as we become stronger, fitter and healthier - in body, mind and spirit. And you know what? At the end of the journey we'll be amazing! Able to look to the future and do and achieve things we never thought would have been possible. But also not afraid to look back and remember what made us the people we are. I love you Steph! Your agent Trishy xx

You are doing it hard, but you will succeed. Well done for making a change in your life. I remember many years ago when I was rowing on Albert Park Lake, there was a rather overweight woman jogging around the lake every day. She started with walking first, then as the weeks went by it turned into a walk/jog and then a full circuit jog. She became slimmer and in the end, over the course of about a year, she was in very fine shape indeed. Persistence pays.

By the way, you might want to consider working out at home if that will suit you better at times ( especially when it is cold and miserable out there and a trip to the gym is not enticing). I have found strength training with elastic tubing extremely effective. Check out the free shows ( new every day and different types of exercise shows to suit your style) at www.liveexercise.com and the bands can be purchased at www.bodylastics.com Just look and see. It has helped me with my fitness requirements but too little time to get to a gym. You can find me on liveexercise.com under the name of Dan StayStrong if you want to get in touch.

Keep it up and you will continue to feel stronger, healthier and better.

OMG! Steph how have you not wanted to smash something with these comments?? Sure folks, she's a mother of 4 so of course she lays about eating all day, morons! Have you got kids?? They keep you busy enough sure, but they eat, so do you. As for the idiot that asked how you got pregnant, it's called sex you nitwit, even larger people have partners who love them and yes a physical relationship is possible! Sorry, but I know this lady, not as well as some of her dearest friends but I know her, once I was her!! I have read these blogs and laughed and cried, read them aloud to my 21 year old daughter who finds Steph a marvelous inspiration with her own weight loss goals. Do not judge a person because they are different, get to know them because they are unique, and Steph that is what you are, beautifully unique!!!

I'm so sorry a bunch of tossers said such hateful things to you... were these people raised by monkeys? Were they not taught how to be polite, how to have empathy, etc? Fat-hate is on par with racism in my books - hating someone based on little more than how they look.

People bang on about "fat" being a health issue, but tbh, I think very few people actually give a shit about whether or not you're healthy. If you were a size 10 but ate nothing but junk, I bet you'd get very few comments about health... it's just a way for people to disguise their cruelty.

Worse still is that you're losing weight... and it's right here on your blog for them all to see, so I'm not sure why people can even complain. You're AT the gym, you've HAD your surgery... do they expect you to suddenly drop 100kg overnight? You're working hard as hell, and they're still saying it's not good enough... morons.

This "my tax-payer dollars," stuff is a poor point as well... tax pays for a number of things, and surely you have (or will) paid tax at some point as well. Plenty of people get a large sum back come tax time anyway, so they have little to bitch about. I know that I'M paying for my own bloody surgery as well (having the sleeve done in Sept), so I'm certainly not wasting tax-payer dollars. I actually haven't had any weight-related problems paid for (apart from bulk-billed GP visits... to get my referral for surgery) by the government... I wonder how many skinny smokers complain about fat people wasting their tax dollars...? Or alcoholics? Or drug-takers? Etc etc.

Keep on going Stephanie, I think you're doing tremendously. The people who left nasty comments are jerks... and while I'm planning to lose my excess weight, I'd still rather be fat than an impolite, inconsiderate and cruel idiot.