The ‘C’ Word [Diary of the Undateable]

I’ve never been good at goodbyes. Whenever I left my grandma’s house after an entire summer of spoiling, I’d cry and cry and cry until I boarded the plane home. I always dreaded the last day of summer camp and, even to this day, I try to keep it all in when I’m leaving Mama Undateable to go back to school. Goodbyes shouldn’t be this difficult – they make way for hellos, after all. But they damn sure aren’t easy in romantic relationships.

The ‘C’ word – closure – is a landmine that we’ve all stepped in at one point or another. Maybe it was a two year relationship that ended way too abruptly for your taste, or maybe it was because of an amazing date that was supposed to call you the night after and never did. These guys that ghost us vanish without warning…and we deserve to know why. Right?

I honestly believe that if all relationships, fauxlationships, flings and things were signed, sealed and delivered in a proper manner, a good portion of the dramatic aftereffects would be avoided. I’d rather hear why you don’t want to talk to me then have leeway to guess. But seeking proper closure is like planning the perfect outfit – a strenuous process that requires lots of thinking, planning and structure.

There’s a thin line between closure and crazy. Just ask my friend Tranessa. We were on the phone the other night and she was explaining how things were going with Derek, her longtime boo thang. She likes him…kind of, and wants things to get better…sort of. Although they spend lots of time together and he’s SO into her, her heart belongs to someone else.

She had a freshman year fling with a football player, #15, at her school. He was everything that she wanted and for the first time in a long time, she was happy. But over time and in between games, midterms and breaks, they stopped talking. She was all in but he wasn’t. He hit her up twice since 2010 – once for her 21st birthday and then after she crossed her sorority. But she still wonders why they never made it. Her inability to let go is prohibiting her happiness in the present.

T has been trying to figure out how to talk to #15 for a while now. She’s willing to do almost anything to make it happen– like showing up to parties he might be at, stalking his Facebook (which isn’t too crazy), asking mutual friends about him and even inviting him out to ask him in person. Obviously, #15 isn’t checking for her. Too much time has passed. But she still wants answers and won’t stop until she gets them.

Most of the closure-seeking confrontations that I’ve heard of end up being like Tranessa’s – messy and slightly dramatic. Is there an easy way? Don’t know yet. But what I do know – and what I’ve learned the hard way – is that if a guy isn’t interested, he’ll make it clear. Maybe it’s not the ideal, verbose manner that we’d prefer, but we WILL find out one way or another. I just think that our dignity and mentality shouldn’t be at risk to find out.

CollegeCandy ladies, how do you guys find closure after your relationships go south?

When she’s not watching for Blue Ivy sightings or doing some serious Facebook creeping, Khalea moonlights as a print journalism major at the REAL HU, Howard University. Follow her on Twitter at @letsbeKHAlear, or feel free to Twatch. Whatever works for you.