EP Playlist # 1 - August 19th, 2016

Song 1 - The depiction of how I feel I am seen by the outside world. Everyone tells me how lucky I am, and I definitely feel that way too, and I still have a very level and positive head on my shoulders. There are still some things I am still trying to figure out.

Song 2 - The thoughts that creep into my head when I am alone.

Song 3 - The typing of this blog and putting it out for the world.

Song 4 - What am I going to do about it? There is always going to be a struggle, am I going to let that be the norm or rise above it?

Song 5 - This journey is flying by, almost a quarter of the way done. Time will not slow down, it is time to start making changes.

Song 1 – “Blessings” by Chance the Rapper

Why This Song: We are almost done with the first 3 months of Remote Year. I feel blessed to be a part of this experience. I still ask myself how I did I get here? The group is still amazing, and I am in awe of the talent that is displayed by my fellow remotes, whether it be videos, photography, writing, or many of the forms in which people express themselves. I am very lucky to be in the company of such amazing people.

Song 2 – “Low Life” by X Ambassadors

Favorite Lyrics: “Wanna be a better man, but it’s a hard life, without that love inside you, it’s a cold bind, but I started to reflect on all that’s been before, started to wonder, but you can’t be sure”

Why This Song: I’m in this amazing place, and I still wage a war inside with myself. I have always struggled with self-confidence. I set unrealistic expectations for myself. I see what other people create and think to myself, what have I done? It’s an internal struggle that I am reflecting on more than I ever have before I started this journey, and while being surrounded by all of these talented people and watching them do so much in every aspect of life.

Song 3 – “The Loneliness and the Scream” by Frightened Rabbit

Favorite Lyrics: Oh the loneliness, and the scream to prove, to everyone, that I exist, in the loneliness, oh, the loneliness, and the scream to bring, the blood to the front of my face again”

Why This Song: All of this has been in my head, I have not talked to many people about how I feel. This is my way of doing that. Music has always been a way of how I express my mood. To be around all of these people and not get this out, and work on it, is not an option, so this is my way of putting it out there.

Song 4 – “Fire Coming Down” by Pigeonhead

Favorite Lyrics: “In the depths of creeping water, I have found a purpose there, so don’t waste your time thinkin, there’s another reason to cry”

Why This Song: So what am I going to do? Keep letting these thoughts get the best of me? I am not sure what that will accomplish besides stopping me from reaching my full potential. I know it is not going to happen overnight, and the little steps will lead to bigger things. I need to come to terms with that, not beat myself up, and embrace the journey. No matter what I say or type or put out there for the world, it all comes down to this quote that a friend shared with me this week: “You are what you do, not what you say what you’ll do”. In that sense, this is all fluff unless something comes from it, but ultimately I needed to just put it out in a place that is not just my head.

Song 5 – “Running Out of Time” by Amos Lee

Favorite Lyrics: “I gotta do a little bit better than I did with myself yesterday, Gotta keep myself from falling so far behind, oh keep getting myself on down the line”

Why This Song: Time is going by so fast. We only have 9 months left, and as much as I don’t want to think too much about the future, I have to. The life I want for myself after Remote Year isn’t going to happen magically when I say my goodbyes at the end of May. I have to start taking the steps now. This was the first step for me, and as Amos sings so well, lord have mercy on me, we are running out of time.