Biden Polling Higher Than Ever

Following this afternoon’s announcement that he would not run for president, Joe Biden is outranking all democratic contenders in a recent Goucher Poll. Currently 41% of democrats polled say they would vote for Biden, leaving 32% for Hillary Clinton, 24% for Bernie Sanders and the remaining 3% undecided.

“After the announcement, we rushed to the phones in order to see where the American people stood on the election without Biden in the running.” Said Dr. Mileah Kromer, Director of the Sarah T. Hughes Field Politics Center. “Turns out, they want more Biden.”

Speaking from the White House Rose Garden, Biden stated that “the window to mount a realistic campaign had closed.” Not to be deterred, Biden supporters are holding on to hope that when Joe closes a window, he opens a door. A door to an unrealistic campaign.

Frank Hessman, a steadfast Biden supporter was quick to note that “Joe [Biden] said he would not run, but that he would not stay silent. If he stays in the newscycle and speaks out on the issues, in the end people will see no reason not to vote for him.” Grasping at straws, Hessman went on to add, “he wouldn’t have to spend a dollar on campaigning, and if he can pull that off imagine what he’ll do for the national debt.”

As Biden’s numbers continue to rise it seems as if Americans want a candidate who is honest enough to admit that he doesn’t want the worst job in country.