10 Vintage Vagina Wares You Can Buy On Etsy

Oh Etsy, you have some of the weirdest crafts, potions and general ephemera for sale on all of the internet. Because I’m a stone cold weirdo, I perused eBay’s more whimsical sister for items matching search terms like vagina and gynecological. It did not take much for me to find a whole bunch of weird, creepy and fascinating vintage vagina goods for sale.

Come with me on this historical and vaginal retail journey:

1) Vintage Medical Drawing of the Female Clitoris-

Anatomical illustrations are always pretty cool, whether they’re of flora or fauna, but especially when they depict vaginas. This page comes from a mid-century medical book and refers to the clitoris as a “miniature penis.”Â $7 via The Old Time Junk Shop

2) Zeptin Vaginal Douche Powder From the 1930s-

One of the ingredients is menthol.Â You can buy this fully sealed deadstock vaginal douche powder which is “astringentâ€“deodorantâ€“cooling” and “Soothing to Mucous Membrane Surfaces,” but just like modern douches, do NOT use it.$44 via Merles Vintage

I’m super tempted to actually buy these pink books or at least try to hunt them down in used bookstores. How cool are the covers forÂ GynecologyÂ andÂ How To Make Love To A Man?Â The former is a 1970s text book and the latter is from the 1980s; I have a feeling the title is self explanatory.Â Â $25 via Thrift Core

5) Anatomical Model of Female Reproductive Organs-

If more anatomical models like this one were in sex ed classrooms, we’d have way fewer dudes who need google maps to find the clitoris. $160 via BMore Unique

6) An Atlas of Pelvic Operations-

There’s a page in this 1950s medical book headlined with “TOTAL OBLITERATION OF THE VAGINA” which I’m calling as a band name. Â $38 via Nick and Nessies

7) 1960s Speculum-

This image of an old German speculum resting on crushed black velvet is going to haunt my nightmares. That stainless steel looks cold.Â $30 via Curios and Conjures

8) Original French Engraving, “Midwifery Illustrated” c. 1820s-

The 19th century must have been a weird time for gynecology. Count em’: four hands, one vagina. $90 via Printed Culture

9) Bidette Moist TowelettesÂ

I just want to know who kept or stored this for all these years. I’m glad they did because that 1970s packaging is so neat. Apparently there are 10 unopened towelettes inside…Â $4.00 via Goodlookin Vintage

10) Basal Thermometer for Ovulation-

This is an old fashion mercury thermometer…for your pussy to help you keep track of your eggs in case you want to get pregnant. I’d buy this just to read the vintage instructions on how to use it. Â $29.95 via Nostalgic by Nature

You can still get the basal body temp thermometers. And good news–or not, but who’s to judge what you do with your etsy purchases in your own home?–you don’t have to involve your vag in the temperature-taking.