Only Four Days 'til Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino Unveils His "Couture" Lollipop

Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino is "unveiling" "The Situation" "signature couture pop" at the Sugar Factory in Las Vegas this weekend, marking, if not exactly a low point in our history of marketing, manufacturing, and celebrity culture, at least one of the weirder moments.

To be clear, a "signature couture pop" is a $25 lollipop handle bedazzled with crystals in the colors of the Italian flag, and you can buy lollipop...refills? at $12 for a 3-pack. Other celebrities who follow in the '80s cartoon show mold of being famous solely for merchandising purposes (Kim Kardashian is the Transformers of the 2010s) also have "signature couture pops." One can only hope, for the sake of the nation, that the market for these things is restricted entirely to tasteless practical jokesters/spiteful gift-givers/those with medically-diagnosed addictions to lollipops (the first step to recovery is admitting that you own a signature couture pop, guys).

Mr. Sorrentino is also the spokesperson for Devotion vodka, which is "infused with casein." While there's a chance that the fine vodkaologists at Devotion have actually somehow added casein (the protein commonly found in milk) to their product, that might also be the creepiest way yet invented to say "made with love."