Saw a similar post on the main askreddit and I was really surprised at how different my comment was (which I’ll repost in the comments here) from so many others. The men who make up the majority of reddit were posting how to avoid getting pickpocketed and the like- when my kind of street smarts (and that of most other women I know) are so much more about keeping ourselves personally safe: how to avoid being touched without consent, from being roofied, even from being kidnapped or killed.

So ladies- what street smarts do you have? What are your tips?

haydenrose666 1207

A coworker and I were just talking about the tip: If you have a bad feeling or think you’re being followed, never go to the next destination (home, work, etc.). Go into a busy public place (if possible) or just elsewhere (somewhere safe, not secluded) until you think it’s safe to return home or wherever or you have someone to go there with so you’re not alone.

I also abide by the basic skills of having my keys ready, looking around and inside my car as I approach, only unlocking the drivers side door when my car is in sight.

And when walking in the city, don’t fidget or talk on your phone, be present, aware and alert and make sure other people know you know they are there.

OraDr8 379

My daughter wears her headphones with no music so she can ignore any guy who says anything to her in the street by pretending she can't hear them, but also being able to hear anyone behind her. Another thing is when walking out at night or waitng for a lift, she will call someone and stay on the phone with them until she's not alone.

thatsmychocolate 199

I’ve called somebody or just pretend to call somebody a few times and man it works. I had a guy start walking up to me until I pretended to get a call and said “yeah, I’m right here waiting for you! Where are you?!” loud enough for him to hear me, I was waiting for my ride. He walked away.
It’s crazy how we have to come up with all this things just so we don’t get messed with...
I’ve also called or pretend call somebody when I get into an Uber by myself saying “yeah, I’m in the Uber already, I’m on my way. I’ll see you in x mins” if I’m in a not so good city/part of the city.

mmadmort 80

I had a forensic science teacher back in high school who told us that statistically, you are least likely to be targeted if you are talking on the phone (or pretending to talk on the phone) and loudly and confidently describing where you are, while looking at people around you or that may be following you in the eye as you pass them. Eye contact is key because they will note that you can identify them later or at that moment on the phone, which makes you a harder target.

And, of course, you are most likely to be targeted if you are texting or otherwise looking down at your phone and not paying attention to surroundings. Make sure you look at directions or texts before leaving crowded areas. There are also certain apps you can download where you hold down a button on your phone screen if you feel unsafe, and it will automatically alert the police with your location if you let go before a set time. I don’t remember the name of any apps like this though, I’ve just heard it in passing.

gobblegobbler 10

I would pocket dial the police so much with that app.

jetjetters 8

I wonder if my dad stumbled upon this statistic somewhere. He used to encourage me to call his cellphone late at night just to talk to his voicemail.

4wkw4rd_f33lz 2

The app was safetrek but I believe the name is Noonlight now

Tuala08 15

I used to have fake fights in german to make myself seem scary when walking home from work in the dark.

thatsmychocolate 4

Dude, I wish I knew german, that’s a great idea!

Tuala08 2

Hahaha just watch some old war movies and memorize the scary lines :D

wuddie89

Yeah that should do it.

SCHMETTERLING!

RemotePomegranate6 9

I have seen women do this. I don't think it's fooling anyone but I guess if you were a stalker it raises just enough doubt that you don't want to take a chance.

FrizzleMira 13

The main thing is they know you can identify them now.

It also makes you seem assertive and assertive people fight back more.

It makes you a more difficult target then someone else. Unfortunately this is what we've come to.

littlestminish 10

Ugh. Ladies shouldn't have to resort to "I don't have to outrun the bear I just have to outrun another woman" logic.

Sick fucking world.

FrizzleMira 15

It's okay! It seems that a lot of women are now starting to walk up to other women who are alone on the street (at least here in Ireland) and pretending they were waiting on each other so they have a numbers game on the men.

Always harder to approach a group/pair then someone on their own.

thatsmychocolate 7

I think that if you’re just looking at the people around you without trying to cause them any type of harm it’s easier to notice little things like a fake call. But if you’re trying to get close to somebody with bad intentions you’re not gonna pay attention to something like this, you’re just not gonna risk it, there’s always a 50/50 chance it’s a real call. I’ve done both a pretend and a real call. But i mean, that’s my opinion, idk.

Katgaddis 42

I do this also! I take a lot of public transportation and I’m young so I deal with a lot of nonsense aaaall the time in transit and I always have my head phones in and usually sunglasses too. Mind you I live in south Florida. No matter who talks to me I don’t say anything I just act like I can’t hear and pretend I don’t notice no matter what. It’s for the best.
When I was younger me and me friend had a scary derelict following us at an alarming rate when we were walking home ate at night. We were both like seventeen. She shouted IF YOU DONT STOP FOLLOWING US WE ARE GOING TO START SCREAMING OUR HEADS OFF RIGHT NOW! He face registered nothing at all and just started screaming and ran away

princessfinesse 40

This works for me 99% of the time. I always call my mom or my dad as I walk home from work, or when I’m walking from one job to my other. One time though, I was on the phone with my mom, when a man started following me. After following me for a minute or so, he started with that “excuse me, can I talk to you?” stuff.

I politely turned to him and was like I’m sorry I’m on a phone call right now.

He ignored me, and started asking for my number and continuing to follow me. I again told him I was on the phone and could not talk to him, still pretty polite, but firm.

He started cussing me out, calling me a stupid bitch, and still following me for half a block. My poor mother had to hear every disgusting word he hurled at me over the phone, as he still followed me across the street. Finally I reached my other job, a restaurant, and ran inside. He came back later, sat at the bar, and smirked at me for hours until I told my manager what was happening and they made him leave.

I know I shouldn’t have shown him where I worked but I didn’t know where else to go, and my phone trick had never failed me before.

quokkafarts 7

Your daughter is smart, I've been doing this for donkeys years and it works like a charm. It's best if you have the headphones with the mic on the cord so if you see a guy sizing you up you can put on the act of listening to a parent ramble on the other end of the line. Try to look annoyed and impatient; tap your foot, maybe roll your eyes, slot if a few lines like "yeah mum/dad I know....yep...oh ok go on...". The combination of looking irritated and also appearing to be on the phone to someone very close to you is an extremely effective deterrent.

noirpanda 4

My daughter wears her headphones with no music so she can ignore any guy who says anything to her in the street by pretending she can't hear them, but also being able to hear anyone behind her.>

Brilliant. Im gonna do this now.

Another thing is when walking out at night or waitng for a lift, she will call someone and stay on the phone with them until she's not alone.

I try to always do this at night when I'm alone as well. Even during the day when I don't feel safe...

tryingstuffThrowaway 4

I've always wanted headphones that play music but also use the microphone to add your surrounding noise to the music so that you can listen AND hear what's going on. I just heard from my brother that some company making those recently but i don't know the brand/model.

recyclopath_ 3

I bought neon green earbuds when I was living in Boston and had them in without music. Especially in busy cities if you have an excuse to not engage with people they tend to move on to another target to harass

BeforeTheStormz 135

Protip don't make your keys into a wolverine claws. That will hurt you more than him in 90% of the situations. I've seen self defense classes mess this up before to.

MeetMeAtCafeDisco 73

I’m glad someone said this! I’ve also been told that to even cause damage to the person using keys like this, you would have to be very close to them which would give them the advantage. It’s not a good tip but many women seem to be told that it is.

elliethegreat 50

I think the feeling of safety and control appeals to people. It gives them a sense of agency, that they can *do* something to help protect themselves.

The unfortunate reality is that a lot of common advice is ineffective. And that doesn't even go into the fact that most women will be assaulted (or murdered) by someone they know. We always talk about how women should keep themselves safe on the streets while ignoring the fact that often the most dangerous place for women is in the home.

Tuala08 5

I don't know if it is totally ignored but to be honest, I can't think of many tips to help with dangers at home. Either you are in an obviously abusive situation which means you need to get out (I know that is not always possible) or you don't know it will happen until it does and you can't walk around your house with wolverine keys... It actually makes me wonder is there any data on how to avoid assault by someone you know and trust?

elliethegreat 7

I think a good start is talking about violence against women (sexual assault, domestic violence, and murder) in realistic terms. We have these cultural "rape scripts" about how bad things happen to women (i.e. walking alone at night in a dark alley while wearing a short skirt) which don't accurately reflect reality. So when someone *is* attacked by a partner or acquaintance, they (or others, including police) often don't believe it qualifies as a "real assault". When we talk about it, we bring attention to it which makes it easier on the victims and harder on the perpetrators.

As for something being an 'obviously abusive situation,' the unfortunate reality is that a lot of people do not realize they are being abused. It's kind of like boiling a frog in water - by the time you recognize something is wrong, it is often too late. Teaching people about healthy relationships and how to spot red flags allows them to recognize the signs, hopefully before they're fully sucked in. There's also often red flags in date rape as well (not always but often).

IMO the fact that it's harder to think of examples of protecting against acquaintance or partner violence just goes to show that we *need* to talk about it more. We can all think of a million ways (of varying effectiveness) to protect against strangers because we actually talk about it. But we aren't trained to protect against people we know, either due to cultural ignorance or the fact that it's an uncomfortable topic no one wants to admit to. It's fine when you're worried about a phantom boogeyman who jumps out in alleys and parking lots. It's a lot more awkward when you're worried about people in your social circle. Hell, tell a guy you don't like walking home alone at night and he's totally understanding but if you tell a guy you don't want to be alone with *him* and suddenly you're a feminazi bitch (ask me how I know).

In terms of the actual warning signs and tips for keeping yourself safe, they're out there. Here is an example of a program that reduced rapes on Campus by 46%, largely by teaching women warning signs and how to intervene early including persistence, sexual entitlement, and unwanted touching (even if it's nonsexual). Here's another link with different warning signs. In terms of keeping yourself safe in DV situations, that can be 'red flags for relationships,' harm-reduction techniques while in the relationship, or how to leave safely when the time comes.

Girl_You_Can_Train 4

We should forget keys and, instead, teach women how to punch properly.

elliethegreat 10

Honestly, punching doesn't really do a lot either. There are sufficient size and strength differentials between the average man and the average woman that any form of close-quarters fighting is sub-optimal.

"Running away" and "making noise" are probably the two most effective self-defence strategies anyone, man or woman, can have. Anything close-quarters (punching, grappling, etc) are only useful in so far as might allow you sufficient space and time to escape.

I do martial arts and can probably hold my own in a fight a lot better than the average woman. The one thing I've learned is that, despite my training, I'd still be screwed in a real-world situation. I'm a lot more likely to survive, but at best I'm likely walking away with serious injuries. If you've engaged in a fight you've already lost.

MyPacman 3

If you've engaged in a fight you've already lost.

For sure. I am hopeful that my martial arts training will allow me to flinch in a useful direction, but in close quarters, I am likely to revert to the self defence I learnt at 16. Foot, throat, eyes. And thats assuming I can get past the 'be nice to people' conundrum.

Had male friends, who do another martial art, freeze when they were accosted in the street. They had a hard time coming to grips with how they reacted (or didn't). But it was a human reaction that can and does happen to everyone.

Luno_Son_of_Stars 5

So I don't know much about this, but from a quick google search it seems like keys can be used as a weapon. Just not when you use them like wolverine claws. If you just hold them more or less like normal keys and try to stab like that it can be helpful.

Just thought I'd point that out since when I first read u/BeforeTheStormz comment I thought it meant that keys were overall useless for self-defense.

Perrie99 44

I’ve been told that if you’re wearing rings, turn them around, so that the jewel or sharp design in on the inside of your hand- it makes it easier to scratch them down an attackers face.

dalovely 120

Yep, this is a great tip. I was followed once on my way home, and instead of turning into my driveway, I went past my home and straight to the nearby policestation. As soon as I got to the parking lot the guys following me left.

majorleaguechemicals

poli cestation

Ryansbitchasswife 80

Look for cans behind your tire when walking up to your car. Hiding one back there is a good way to get you to step out of your car while it’s unlocked and running because the sound is alarming and people get out to check their tires. I’ve read about this tactic being used to steal cars and/or kidnap people.

groceryenthusiast 75

This is a great one! I have a hatchback car and could never go back to a sedan because the hatchback makes it so easy to see through my trunk and into the backseat when approaching my vehicle in a parking lot. I also make sure I know where the closest police/fire department is on my way between work, home and school, so that if I worry I am being followed, I can go there instead of home.

Kalleb177 41

I also lock my car again as soon as I get in it. Always drive with all doors locked because I generally drive alone.

uhshenuh 29

I try to look around my car too, but sometimes it’s hard to see because the windows are tinted. However, I have one of those cars that unlocks when you pull on the handle if you have the keys on you, so I never use the fob to unlock it.

I’m much more comfortable knowing that only the driver’s side door unlocks when I touch the handle, so no one can pull one of the other doors open and hop in.

NotaFrenchMaid 15

I also tend to lock my doors as soon as I get in. I'll lock my them before I start hooking up my music, sending last texts, etc. Especially if it's dark.

capblossoms 5

I do this too! Sometimes I feel like I'm being ridiculous and overly paranoid but, I'm always the last one to leave my job, and it's usually midnight-ish and the shopping center is always closed up and dark and I'd rather not take the chance. Having to worry about stuff like this REALLY sucks.

strothsloth 2

Definitely do this too. I lock my car so fast after getting in, I’ve accidentally locked my friends/family out because they weren’t quick enough.

I was a victim of attempting car jacking where a person posing as homeless ran out into the street in a “panic”, and hopped into my car as soon as I slowed down enough. She told me her car was broken down and asked for a ride and I was so surprised, I started taking her to her car. I got pulled over before going barely 2 miles because she was being looked for by cops in my area and was spotted. It was very scary.

NihilisticNomes 27

Wouldn't talking on the phone be potentially okay? Maybe make them less likely to try something because the other person might know where i am and call the cops?

ahhbears 30

The downside with that is one half of your hearing is taken up by the phone, plus if you're talking to someone you may be distracted by the conversation

Oliveballoon 35

I think some new android versions also got a way that after tapping 4 times the shutting down button it sent a message with your location to your chose recipients. But you need to enable it.

Also be aware of your surroundings, do not use headphones, use the mobile the less while walking. Avoid dark streets or check around. Sometimes just noticing around, will make them go away.

I know, you are going to down vote me, but in my city, if I'm not in a car, I got my pants or leggings below my mini skirt or skirts. Arriving to the place maybe I can take them off If I want but while in public transport no. (I'm not close to the beach so is also because is not that hot weather).

I think it's a toss-up because it makes you look distracted/like you're not paying attention to your surroundings and thus an easier target. Plus they could just knock the phone out of your hands before you had time to say anything and the person could think it was just a dropped call...

NihilisticNomes 3

Okay yeah that's a scary thought

BritneyPierce 15

Also look at your watch, or pretend to, or yawn. If the other person yawns or looks at their “watch,”they’re observing you.

elliethegreat 12

The yawning thing is a little excessive IMO. Some people are super contagious yawners. I'm set off if someone remotely in my vicinity yawns.

BritneyPierce 3

It still works, and if she sees the person following her is yawning, she knows.

elliethegreat 2

But how do you know? The person could very well just be walking in the same direction, minding their own business, sees the person ahead of them yawn which triggers their own yawning reflex.

People observe people in public all the time even without meaning to. To attribute contagious yawning to any sort of intentional observation (and malicious intent) is a stretch.

BritneyPierce 2

Again, I’m discussing the person that they think is following them.

elliethegreat 2

Yeah, and just because the person you think is following you yawns after you do doesn't mean they're actually watching you or following you.

The alternative explanation (they happen to be going in the same direction as you and noticed you yawn because you happen to be in their line of sight) is equally plausible.

MyPacman 2

I would be more concerned under those circumstances if the other person did NOT yawn.

Unless you are saying you are super empathetic, but would still quite happily hurt the person in front of you?

elliethegreat 4

Semi-related fun fact! Children with autism have lower rates of contagious yawning than their neurotypical counterparts. Last I checked, it had something to do with social recognition and mirror neurons.

icanhearyoufart 4

Yup and always keep your car doors locked as soon as you get inside. Also at a gas station only let your driver door be unlocked so no one can sneak in.

I have a whistle on my keychain, and pepper spray, and a knife if needed lol. Next step is a gun but too broke for that. If you don’t need all that use a whistle and or pepper spray too.

And please don’t have headphones in while you run alone. Gosh drives me nuts when women do this.

Daft-Bastard 3

Kinda reminded me of the killing of Trayvon Martin.
They blamed him for not going home when some random stranger, Zimmerman, followed him around.

pizzzaing 2

Also I was taught to be wary of having a pony tail. Makes for an easy grip and they can easily control us if they control our head.

Dont talk on the phone, it only makes you distracted

fjzappa 2

If you have a bad feeling or think you’re being followed

That's a million years of evolution talking to you. Pay attention.

theuberchemist 1

Some car models allow you to unlock just the driver’s side door with the first click of your key fob too.

audreyality 1

If you can walk to a public place like a hospital, police station, or somewhere with a security guard you can speak to (like a nice hotel).

tlvanc1l 1

I like to think if someone gets in my car and holds me at gunpoint I'm going to crash into the nearest car or building. Draws lots of attention and will throw the gunman for a loop.

I also would refuse if someone held a fun and told me to keep walking. I'll take my chances. Kill me because I'd rather die than be raped or tortured. Chances are they will choke and just take off.

Wtfstopgivingbad 1

If you're on the phone you can tell your caller: your location/give a description/have them dial 911

peppermind 728

Walk like you're running five minutes late for something. I'm a friendly looking person and being approachable is a pretty important thing for my job, but I used to live in an area where I got catcalled and harassed constantly. Once you start moving like you're trying to get somewhere, people are much, much less likely to try fucking with you.

limeconnoisseur 402

Also never look like you might be lost/unsure of where you're heading.

Anecdote: My mother and I are always told that we look very similar. We do look fairly similar. She has innocent doe eyes and looks lost in her own city. I have RBF and always walk with purpose. It's not intentional, but if interrupted, my face usually says 'why the fuck are you talking to me?' I tend not to flinch or react immediately when people suddenly approach me. My tone with strangers is definitive, and brief, while hers is friendly and open.

Strangers talk to her all the time, and try to strike up conversations. They almost always only ever ask me for directions. She attracts creeps, I don't.

Body language is so much more important than people realize.

Anecdote: My mother and I are always told that we look very similar. We do look fairly similar. She innocent doe eyes and looks lost in her own city. I have RBF and always walk with purpose. It's not intentional, but if interrupted, my face usually says 'why the fuck are you talking to me?' I tend not to flinch or react immediately when people suddenly approach me. My tone with strangers is definitive, and brief, while hers is friendly and open.

only_1L 167

This 100% is my advice to any young woman. Do not appear to be lost (even when you are), walk with purpose, and keep your facial expressions neutral and somewhat defensive. Never, ever, ever walk with your head and eyes down. Walk head up and shoulders back. Confident and purposeful.

I used to work in a city setting and was less likely to get harassed by the homeless than my female colleagues because of this.

recyclopath_

Don't make eye contact with men or really anyone you don't want to engage with. Have your eyes graze past at chest/shoulder height. Same in clubs or dance floors

Kalleb177 31

Completely agree. I spent several of my very early years growing up in a developing country and decades later I can still repel the crazies.

[Edit: I think, without realising it, we were raised to be very aware of our surroundings. My mum had lived in the country a lot longer and I think I picked up her demeanour when out.]

I was on a train once and this guy hassled every person in the carriage as he walked down the aisle. Man, woman, he didn’t care. He said something to all of them, except me. Not 100% sure how I managed that but it’s nice to know it’s almost inbuilt.

I’m similar with the ‘what the fuck do you want’ face. I also tense up, but it’s not nerves it’s almost a ‘you want to do this?’ feeling, which I would never do as I’m the most uncoordinated (and short) person.

Mennoly 7

Can confirm, RBF on point, people rarely approach me. Even people I know. I do not do small talk and don’t enjoy talking to... anyone.

I did have an incident at the dog park recently. I went with my dog alone around like 9am. On weekdays no one is there. Just the way I like it. Dog park is semi secluded. Saw a car parked near but couldn’t see any dogs or people so went in with my dog. He is the biggest chicken in the world he would not help me if I were in trouble. All of a sudden this man comes from behind me and starts talking to me. I had nothing on me but my dogs leash, I had even left my phone in the car. Thankfully man and dog were friendly and I made it pretty clear I wasn’t into chit chatting so he left, but all the what if’s scared me and I’ve never been back. I didn’t even think at all about my safety. i have gotten complacent since I moved to a tiny rural town. Dog park is in a different larger town but I still can’t believe I didn’t even think.

CuileannDhu 5

I was a creep magnet when I was younger and this is exactly why. In a crowd at a bus stop or a bar they would always approach me first and try chatting me up. I didn't understand it at the time but as I got older I started walking with purpose, smiling less, and looking/feeling more confident and it stopped.

recyclopath_ 2

I get asked for directions because I walk like I have places to be and am a tiny young woman so generally unthreatening. Even if you're lost don't ever look lost. Lean against something so you have a wall to your back and figure it out on your phone with a pissed off look.

[deleted] 1

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Catcalls decreased so much after my first year in NYC because I had mastered this and my RBF. If you add a cigarette to the RBF you will pretty much not get fucked with at all.

That said, the other issues associated with smoking are not worth the reduction in catcalls. Don’t start smoking, friends!

littlefirefoot 42

Unfortunately here in Philadelphia when you are smoking a cigarette every homeless person or junkie approaches you to “bum” one. They then proceed to try and chat, half the reason I quit.

2kittygirl 4

Real talk, I was once in Philadelphia for about 6 hours and I hated every fuckin second. The highest concentration of miserable, horrible people I’ve ever encountered. Was I there on a bad day or is the whole town just like that?

littlefirefoot 3

“Nobody likes us and we don’t care” is the motto. I am originally from the Philly ‘burbs and have lived all over the US; everyone here is aggressive or stand offish unfortunately. If you ever come back I’ll buy you a beer!

atget 3

People in philly can be rough and they’re definitely direct, but I love that city. I’m from the suburbs but I live in LA now and I miss the grit. I really think you just had bad luck. I know people love to shit on how we reacted to winning the Super Bowl, but for the most part, the joy that night was so amazing. One of the best parts was the next morning, having breakfast in Reading Terminal, and some dude pops in and starts an “EAGLES” chant. Everyone joined in and then went back to eating their breakfast like nothing happened. I think there’s a sense of community there that you don’t find in most major cities.

I’m sorry you had a shitty time but I hope you give it another chance someday. It’s a good place.

PatchesMN93 2

Minnesotan here, I constantly got approached by people asking to bum a smoke or a light if I was anywhere near downtown (bus station, 10 different bars, the usual college town). Even having headphones in (with no music) didn't work. They'd just tap my shoulder. 🙄 I guess I didn't have my RBF down in college lol

peppermind 37

The smoking thing would depend very much on cultural context. I've lived in places where the perception was "if she smokes, she pokes " (their phrasing, not mine)

Oliveballoon 3

Eli "poke" = hit?

peppermind 9

poke= has sex. It was a very, very prudish culture, at least on the surface, so for a woman to smoke in public, it was akin to her admitting to being a sex worker as far as some guys were concerned.

all-you-need-is-love 2

Back when I used to smoke I’ve definitely conspicuously held my lighter with my finger on the ignite button while walking through sketchy areas with a cigarette. Once to ward off this creepy guy coming towards me I even flicked the flame on and gave him my best “you really want to fuck with me” glare - it worked, though I don’t know if it would come across as escalation and probably get you in more trouble.

gnirpss 27

I do this on my college campus to avoid annoying canvassers/missionaries/people trying to sell me shit 😂

meleessuhh 9

I do the same thing. Pretty positive why I don’t get approached in general (even while I’m out at bars/clubs). If you look busy then people get out of your way and don’t bother you. Looking confident keeps people away. I also avoid eye contact or looking lost.

magfluor 8

Yes yes this was gonna be exactly my advice. I’m small and young but I keep my rbf on and walk fast as shit and I rarely get bothered. It’s only when I’m on the train or bus (or waiting for them) that I get harassed so I keep headphones in a lot. Also, not sure if this actually helps or is just something that makes me feel better, but I pretty much make eye contact with everyone I pass. Something about registering someone’s face and making sure they know I saw them gives me comfort.

bellowen 7

I do this sometimes and it also helps me feel more secure.

shriekcartridges 4

This should be higher up.

tlvanc1l 3

Oh my gosh. The other night I went into Wally World and was headed for the feminine aisle for azo. I saw this man out of the corner of my eye not eyeing me or anything but I just knew I needed to walk quicker because he was going to talk to me. I started looking for the nearest employee (12am) or something to hit him with and suddenly he goes "hey!! Where's the Monistat? My wife needs it and I ain't embarrassed but I don't know what it is enough to find it"

Scared me to death but I prayed there were people down the aisle and just told him it was his lucky day because I was headed that way myself.

Weird how I knew he was going to speak before.

LurkingArachnid 3

You know...I always assumed I don't get catcalled often because I'm ugly. But this would explain it too.

aceshighsays 1

101 nyc

knowone91

Exactly, look like you know what you are doing, where you are going, pretend to talk on your phone, call someone so they can hear the conversation. Also make a lot of noise, draw attention to yourself; car alarm, slamming your purse against stuff, talk loudly and ball your fists incase you have to fight. Don't take no shit ladies.

recyclopath_

Walk like you have places to be and don't have time for people to stop you. If you took a wrong turn walk around the block or glance at your phone for a second, cross the street and go back. Especially with visible headphones to give an excuse for not engaging it keeps people in busy areas from focusing on you.

groceryenthusiast 710 S

I posted this on the main sub but I will repost it here:

I’m a 110 pound, tiny 20 year old woman and I have pretty well perfected how to not get fucked with. Some of my rules:

on public transport or other public areas where you worry someone will bother you, keep your eyes to yourself. Look at your phone or read a book, while still being aware of what is going on around you. I find if your eyes are wandering and you’re looking at people, some people will take it as an invitation to come talk to you or worse: some kind of insult or threat (this is when you get a “what are you looking at bitch” yelled your way)

at night, especially if I have been drinking, I never walk within arms reach of a doorway, a parked car with someone in it, an alleyway, etc. Anywhere where someone could conceivably grab you and pull you inside is somewhere you want to stay a fair distance from when you are walking past

Never take a drink that you haven’t seen poured. Make sure you are the one to take it from the bartender, don’t let it be passed to you. Sometimes it sucks to turn down free drinks from a guy who is more than likely a totally normal, nice guy who isn’t out to roofie you, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

if you’re at a bar/ nightclub and a guy is bothering you, refusing to leave you alone, touching you without your consent or grabbing you (I once got grabbed by the neck by a man in a very busy club)- Tell security. Nightclubs want girls there, this is why you so often see “guys 5$, girls free” type deals for cover. No bar wants to get a reputation for it being a place that is dangerous for women. Security can and will kick a guy out who is being aggressive, or at the very least talk to him and agree to keep an eye on him so that you feel safe.

if you are somewhere where pickpocketing is an issue, wear you purse crossbody, with the bag itself sitting in front of your body. Keep you hand resting on top of the bag

take a photo of the license plate and/or taxi licence of any taxi/ Uber/ Lyft car you get it. Make it obvious that you are doing this. Send it to a trusted friend or family member. I usually will do this when texting my parents or a roommate that I am on my way home from the night- then they know to expect you, and have information about who is driving you if you don’t come home. I find that doing this also prevents being flirted with, harassed and overcharged by the driver as well- they know that you have their information and could easily use that to report them or make a complaint if they do something wrong.

if someone is bothering you DO NOT BE NICE!!!! This is my biggest tip. This works both for people begging on the street/ trying to get you to buy something off of them (you see this a lot in bigger cities like Paris or Athens). If you tell a man on the street selling bracelets “oh those are beautiful but no thanks” then likely they will not let up with trying to get you to buy one. If you say “no thank you” and keep moving right off the bat they will likely leave you alone. If they keep pushing say that you don’t like whatever they’re selling/ think it’s ugly and they will usually give up because they see it’s not something you want.

not being nice also works when someone (usually men) are catcalling/ harassing you, whether on the street or at the bar. If they compliment you don’t thank them, don’t acknowledge them, just keep moving (and maybe shoot them a dirty look). If they keep following or yelling at you reply, very loudly to try and alert people around you that something is going on, something along the lines of “please get away from me”. Keep this going until they leave you alone. Sometimes getting out your phone and starting to videotape them if they really won’t leave can stop them. Sometimes being “rude” is necessary to keep you from getting in harms way.

if you are ever threatened, even with a weapon, never ever go to a second location with someone. Make a scene, scream, kick, bite, pee your pants, do ANYTHING to prevent you from being taken somewhere else. Your likelihood of dying goes WAY up if you are taken somewhere else. Think of it this way: if you’re going to be murdered either way don’t you at least want your body to be somewhere more public, instead of buried in the woods somewhere, never to be found, with your friends and family never knowing what happened?

EDIT: forgot what is probably the most important tip: practice, practice, practice these!! Make them a part of your everyday life. Taking a cab to in the middle of the day with a bunch of people? Still take photos of their licence. Walking around with your boyfriend or someone who could protect you? Still stay away from doors and alleyways.
If you make these things routine then you are still going to be doing them when you are stumbling home drunk at 5 am, or when you are exhausted after a long day of work. Having these as part of my routine has helped me never forget to take these measures, no matter what my headspace is.

-if you are somewhere where pickpocketing is an issue, wear you purse crossbody, with the bag itself sitting in front of your body. Keep you hand resting on top of the bag

if you are ever threatened, even with a weapon, never ever go to a second location with someone. Make a scene, scream, kick, bite, pee your pants, do ANYTHING to prevent you from being taken somewhere else. Your likelihood of dying goes WAY up if you are taken somewhere else. Think of it this way: if you’re going to be murdered either way don’t you at least want your body to be somewhere more public, instead of buried in the woods somewhere, never to be found, with your friends and family never knowing what happened?

FacetiousSpinster 140

I always make eye contact and dont smile. I make myself unattractive and clear i do not want you talking to me and am not friendly.
I never look at my phone or read abook. I make it clear i am very aware of my surroundings.
I never carry a purse.i do carry brass knuckles attatched to my keys

shriekcartridges 44

I do the same, i try looking pissed off most of the time that I'm out alone. As in, I do make deliberate eye contact but it's fleeting and more so that I can remember the profile of the person.

Third_Eye_Kind 26

I find that looking pissed off does wonders for keeping people away from you, until it doesn't and someone takes it as a "challenge". But 90% of the time, even spending a few months homeless and extremely vulnerable with all my belongings on me, an "I'll kick your nuts" stank face would get men to fuck right off.

shriekcartridges 4

But of course, we have to pair it up with a lot of other good advice given in this thread. As you said, the one time the bitch face doesn’t work, the other advice given here would/should help.

FacetiousSpinster 6

I dont have to try! I just am! Always!

RedMyLips107 40

I agree with this 100%. Perfect your beautiful Resting Bitch Face, don't be afraid to stare someone down. You don't have to necessarily be aggressive, just make sure they know you see them, and you can't be taken by surprise. I've been in more than enough situations where inside I'm terrified, but I refuse to smile and laugh to placate some dummy trying to corner you. Now I desperately want brass knuckles on my keychain.

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FacetiousSpinster 15

Army navy surplus sells them. Be careful. They are illegal some places.

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RedMyLips107 3

Good looking out! I'll check into it.

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FacetiousSpinster 13

They have ones that are legal but not really brass knuckles. They are made to be used as a belt buckle. My dad bought me my first pair. Then the belt buckles ones. I guess he didnt think id be carrying them everyday. They are only about 20.00. As a woman i find we are privledge in the way that we can say we "didnt know they were illegal my dad bought em for me."

mrsworser 6

When I hit puberty, my dad gave me this green metal keychain that I guess would be like a roll of dimes but a solid metal piece. You make your fist around it to pack more into your punch. I’ll try to find if it has a name, I still have the same damn one twenty years later.

e: Ok I have no idea what it’s called and can’t find it anywhere online but it’s not a kuboton, defense stick, or collapsible baton. Just a solid metal cylinder with low ridges to help with grip, the same size as a roll of coins. Maybe it’s not legal or practical, I dunno.

FacetiousSpinster 2

Some would say we have wonderful dads (including me) ill have to ask mine about this. He knows about all those good things.

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iambluewonder 2

I agree! I always walk with purpose as if I'm pissed and going to murder someone. Men generally steer away. Also, it's good to carry a umbrella or something similar so that if you see someone walking by close to you you can just push them off with the umbrella instead of putting your hands on them. Because let me tell you some creeps like you touching them.

pizza_tron 2

Brass knuckles are no joke. Pretty easy to break bone in the face.

not_margaret 1

When I’m out running by myself I try to make it clear that I’m looking at whoever I pass... so I can pick them out of a line up if needed. I also mentally make notes (5’7, red sweatshirt, beard, etc) for the same reason.

mangarooboo 1

I force a resting bitch face look onto my face. Eye contact with no smile is the easiest way to immediately make yourself look way more intimidating. I have a lot of success with a face that's not a direct glare, but definitely a slight furrowed brow. Tilt your chin down a little and give just the slightest frown and you look pretty intense pretty easily.

leoRisingmarsInVirgo 88

I love all of this. I also do the whole, watching my own reflection thing, locking my car no matter what, and when I am grabbed or harassed rather than saying, “leave me alone” I overtly am aggressive. Either loudly or deliberately quiet (depending on where I’m at how loud it is) I am very clear that you, “don’t fucking touch my body/get your fucking hands off my body.” I will cause a scene. My body isn’t for you to touch just because it’s here. I also really like going to security. Good points!

groceryenthusiast 52

Absolutely! I physically remove people’s hands, I yell, I make a real scene. Guys are way more likely to leave you alone if they know you are going to lose your mind on them if they try anything again

funffunfundfunfzig 2

I didn’t read the comment above and so I was like “she rips peoples hands off!?!”

Now I get it. And yes, I agree.

mindputtee 18

I watch the shadows behind and around me to make sure no one is sneaking up on me.

fjzappa 2

Windows. Look at reflections.

Mandiferous 7

Yes! I had a guy grab me outside of Penn station once. I started screaming "don't fucking touch me!" As loud as I could. He let go pretty fast and I was able to get into the station where there were lots of people including police. It was one of the scarier moments of my life, but screaming and causing a seen definitely worked.

not_margaret 2

I always lock my car doors as soon as I get in. That way if I’m fiddling with my phone, I’m not a sitting duck.

Apayan 63

The going to security one is big. Generally security is male, and we are conditioned to be cautious approaching men for help in case they side with the harasser, but security watch people creep on women all the time in bars, and they know it's terrible for business. They are more than happy to help.

mindputtee 38

I was followed by a methhead into a mall in Baltimore who kept shouting questions at me like where I lived and worked for a good couple of blocks after he saw me park my car. I found a security guard in the mall and told him this guy was following me and he stepped up right away and started yelling at the guy “Do you know her? Leave her alone!” The other guy backed off right away and I have never felt so relieved.

CodeAndRoses 63

These are really great tips. This thread is freaking me the fuck out because I moved from safe, quiet suburbs to the big city this year and I'm realizing my situational awareness and ability to assess safety is terrible. I also realized I do a lot of the no-gos you mentioned (smiling and trying to be polite when harassed or catcalled). Thank you for the advice. 😬

ProblematicFeet 45

I did this too. Moved from a small ag state to a big city and within a month had my entire purse's contents stolen! Since then I have been incredibly vigilant, if not a bit neurotic. They stole my school ID, my metro card, cash, apartment keys/fob, driver's license, health insurance card, CELL PHONE, and a few gift cards I had left in there. The wallet (more of a wristlet) was easily worth $75 itself. Replacing everything has been expensive and a pain in the ass. Let me save you with this story -- please don't ever set your things down, ever, and keep your purse ZIPPED SHUT at all times!

Edit: Let me just say... It's such a pain when you lose it all at once. My bank wanted to send a security code to my phone before I could cancel my card, but I had no phone to receive the code on. Tried to go online to check my bank account for any costs I didn't incur myself, same issue with the code. New to the city and no GPS? Good luck finding your way! Need cash for the bus, since your metro pass is gone? Whoops, without a debit or credit card, there's nowhere to get cash (especially if you are like me and your bank isn't centrally located.) How do you buy groceries without a card/money/Apple pay? Oh -- a checkbook! It works until the grocery store tells you they need your DRIVER'S LICENSE to prove it's you. I have a passport and they wouldn't accept that. It was the longest month of my life and I only managed it with help from friends. Since this is a lady sub I feel it's appropriate to add that the day after this happened, I needed a Plan B pill (fml) and HAD NO MONEY TO BUY ONE so I had to get on my laptop and FB message a friend to borrow $50 for it. Then I got lost walking to her place to get the cash from her (remember, no GPS.) 0/10 would recommend

Shrimp123456 4

Why on earth would they not accept a passport??! It's even more legit than a license??

ProblematicFeet 3

They told me two things: If I had written a check before there, then it would have been "in the system" and I wouldn't need a DL and the computer system only takes DL numbers. When I went to customer service, standing in line I actually saw the policy written on a poster. Stupid.

Mennoly 3

I’m caught in the vortex of not existing. Moved to a different state. Managed to lose box with all important documents. My drivers license happened to expire. So now I have no birth certificate, no drivers license, and no social security card. Can’t get a DL without a SS card, can’t get a SS card without a DL. Also can’t get a birth certificate in the state I was born in without a DL. I’ve been fighting with the SS office. Finally got my 80 year old mother to attempt to get my birth certificate but she’s having issues. Blah. Thankfully I have a spouse and I don’t actually have to drive anywhere. But man I’ve been dealing with it for MONTHS. Once I get my birth certificate I can get my ss card with other supporting documents. Then I can get a DL, but now I have to take a written and driving text, need i mention I have crippling anxiety and don’t want to do that lol

ProblematicFeet 2

Oh my gosh, that is TERRIBLE. I wish I had some tip to help you. Good luck with that, sounds .... miserable

groceryenthusiast 16

I’ve lived in a decent sized city all my life and it’s something you definitely learn from experience. Keep in mind that you don’t owe anybody anything- not a smile, not a wave, not even an acknowledgement of their presence. If you don’t feel safe put yourself first. It is far better to have people think you’re mean than it is to be dead in a ditch somewhere! Especially in a large city you are unlikely to meet that person again- so be mean all you want!

Of course remember that most people are good, helpful and kind. Living in a state of fear isn’t going to help you, just be in the moment and aware, and don’t feel self conscious of how you are perceived if you have to be rude

jukesy 8

One thing to be aware of though is sometimes having a resting bitch face pisses someone the hell off. It’s just part of the unpredictability of being in a big city but I’d say pretending like you didn’t hear or aren’t bothered works better.

For me, it’s just a gamble and unpredictable. I will sometimes get a “Smile, beautiful!” Or some bullshit that ends up turning into a “fuck you bitch!” And sometimes people get really aggressive and scary. Usually if I ignore them, they know I’m ignoring them and I’ll get a “you don’t gotta be shy” or something. Which sometimes I prefer to the angry/scary/uh oh sinking feeling that kicks in when stuff like that happens.

WestCoastBestCoast01 4

As someone else who moved from a small town to a large city, the advice boils down to this: you don’t owe anyone a goddamn thing, including a pleasant interaction. I don’t smile at people when I pass them on the sidewalk anymore.. I’m not out here to make friends with every 100 strangers I pass on the street. You’re going to find yourself in situations where you need to be meaner than you would in the past, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it. You simply can’t care about everyone you come across.

Be nice to service workers, be nice to people you know, feel free to thank people who do polite things like holding doors or whatever, volunteer. These are the ways to be friendly in a big city. But never feel obligated to be nice.

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kaeorin 2

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If you say “no thank you” and keep moving right off the bat they will likely leave you alone. If they keep pushing say that you don’t like whatever they’re selling/ think it’s ugly and they will usually give up because they see it’s not something you want.

I prefer “Nah, I’m good, thanks, but good luck!” Because I have to respect the hustle, but that “good luck” while walking away really closes out the conversation completely. Sometimes I’ll do a little wave goodbye, if I feel like they’re going to try and press it. Since I started doing that a couple years ago, I haven’t yet had an issue with pushy sales people or street people.

gr8cornhulio 12

Really awesome tips! I would just add - it’s common sense to some and not to others - to avoid having two headphones in and loud enough to not hear what’s going on around you. Situational awareness is key in keeping yourself out of bad situations.

iBewafa 5

Thanks for the tips! How would you apply the Uber tip? Since their license isn’t displayed?
I do screenshot the car info and send it but how do you do that but also let the driver know you’re doing it?

groceryenthusiast 9

I would screenshot their info on the app, but also make a point to photograph their licence plate and maybe the outside of their vehicle. That shows the driver that you are serious about your safety and that you have identifying photos of their vehicle so they would get caught if they did anything to you

iBewafa 2

Ahh that's a good idea - having my phone ready to take a photo of their licence plate. Thanks for that tip! And I think I will leave the sound on so when I'm screenshotting, they can hear the camera shutter.

wendyclear86 5

The drink one is true. I’ve been roofied twice, because a friend of mine has a bunch of allergies so she can’t drink certain alcohols. These drinks were passed from the bartender to my friend, and she passed them to me because I know she’s allergic. Still got roofied. Luckily my friend knew the signs and took me to her mom’s house.
A friend of mine did the same thing, and he’s 6 ft and 260 pounds. He took a drink from a friend that was getting harassed, he drank it...roofied.

This was all in AZ, but yeah the amount of times someone has been drugged in my circle of friends is way too high. It’s disturbing.

thechairmodel 4

I agree with everything except for one thing- eyes to yourself. I feel it applies more to walking, but if you feel threatened, look at the person in the eye. Not a glance, but a definitive look. You’re much less likely to get attacked when a person feels like you’ve gotten a good look at them.

Also to add- AVOID HEADPHONES! I’d much rather listen to music or a book while I’m walking but you’re WAY more alert without.

steve7992 2

Do you have advise as to how I, a guy, can say any of that to women without being told I'm mansplaing? I'm asking honestly because I feel that every single time I've tried to say any of that I'm blown off as mansplaing. And it's mostly been with friends, not random people at a bar or with people I don't know. Again I'm asking for advise, not trying to dismiss anyone especially because it's advise I feel needs to be told.

Dogzillas_Mom 24

What on earth makes you think any woman over 18 hasn't heard all this before?

steve7992

So what I just sit there and say "okay?" If you don't want advise on a problem don't bring it to me. And if my answer is something you already know then it's either the right answer and you should do it or it's wrong and you can say thanks but it doesn't help. I mean, my answer is the best I have, if it's not enough I'm sorry but it's all I got and I'm only trying my best to be helpful. I'd people don't want me to answer and if you just want me to say "sorry shitty stuff happens to you" just tell me because I don't go grubbing for that from others, life is shit.

groceryenthusiast 9

Hi! I feel like tone is really important here to ensure that women know you aren’t trying to mansplain. Many women already know these things or have similar strategies so saying “you should do X thing” can sound condescending. Instead saying “I worry about you- do you do X thing, have you heard of X strategy, etc” can make it sound less like you’re telling them what to do.

Also saying that you have heard of other women doing these things, learned these tips from women. As a young woman I have been bombarded by “helpful tips” from men in my life that I know would never really work for me (ie telling me how to fight- I am a tiny, weak woman, the vast majority of men I encounter are far stronger than me. Even with knowledge of how to correctly punch I doubt I am ever going to win against a man). Telling women that these tips are from fellow ladies might help them want to listen to you.

Above all else make sure that you aren’t making it seem like you are victim blaming women, or telling them that they are fully responsible for if something bad happens to them if they don’t follow these tips. Women know how dangerous the world can be for them, what we never need to be told is that this danger is our responsibility or our fault.

I mean.... most women already know this information. It comes across as mansplaining when you tell us all about something you read in a reddit post one time but that we live and work every day.

My advice is ask questions- ask your lady friends about their experiences and have a conversation and let them know you’re worried about them and never considered all they do to keep themselves safe. If they don’t have any go to methods THEN you can share this information or if they ask you for tips go ahead.

Mansplaining is NOT just a man explaining something to a woman- it’s a man assuming they know more about something and condescendingly (perceived or real) sharing that information with an uninterested woman.

girlwithrobotfish

Maybe copy and paste the post and share it. Ask if your friends agree / do the same or have additional things they do.

I really appreciate the "if someone is bothering you, do not be nice" tip. We are supposed to be nice, we are trained to be, but there needs to be a point where you don't act nice anymore, you defend yourself.

groceryenthusiast 3

It is by far the most important in my opinion. Sometimes my friends will get mad at me for being “rude” and telling a guy to fuck off (is there really any good reason for a sober man to stop on a dark street at 5 am and tell a bunch of drunk girls they are “so beautiful”). Don’t be afraid to take a conflict to the next level by being the one to get mean, and yell and even get physical if you have to

poptartcats 2

great post. I gotta work on my RBF. In the past I had a creep who stared at me at work. These are great tips moving forward.

asabovesobelowxo 2

Before getting into Uber’s or Lyfts ask them who they’re picking up! If they can’t give you the name take a picture of the license!

peasantsdaughter 466

Act like you mean to be wherever you are. Walk with confidence. Walk deliberately.

A couple years ago I was in my home country (Croatia) and popped over the border to BIH where some aunts and cousins live. One morning I went on a walk by the river that I had done countless times as a teenager.

Well, things had changed.

After I was well away from any houses, I realized a large portion of this area had been transformed into the town dump. Living in the dump was a Serbian gypsy settlement built out of garbage. Broken glass, refuse, and car parts were everywhere. Dogs tied to trees and burnt cars. The houses were mostly scrap lumber and plastic sheeting with bare mattresses inside.

It was mostly men in this makeshift village. The scary part was one every single one stopped what they were doing and lined up on either side of the dirt trail I was following to just...stare. The various vicious looking dogs started lunging and barking on their chains.

So here I am in a floral sundress, an expensive purse, carrying my iPhone and a bottle of mineral water. My heart started hammering in my chest.

What did I do? I deliberately stood up straight, shoulders back, and started walking slower than I had been. At one point in the middle of this camp, I stopped to take a drink of water and made eye contact with several men. Gave a few dirty looks in the direction of the dogs.

As soon as I was out of sight, I picked the pace the hell up. I had to find an alternative path back to the town however, and that involved a perilous journey through a watermelon field, keeping my eyes open for poisonous snakes the entire time. Of course I was in flip flops.

My family freaked out later. That area has been a no-go for a long time with numerous violent incidents, and they assumed I had been warned already.

TessDevin 220

I'm glad someone mentioned "the walk" - you can google some studies that show that preditory people are able to pick out victims based on their walk. I've lived in some rough areas and haven't ever had a problem because I walk tall and with purpose. Make them think fucking with you is more hassle than it's worth.

TriGurl 23

This. The walk. If you walk like you can kick anyone’s ass, there is no reason for another person to think otherwise. They will believe you can and the confidence you hold as you walk will assure them that you won’t hesitate to do so. I have been walking like this for years now. It rocks!

this is really important IMO, not backing down or looking nervous throws them way off also answering a regular greeting with curt 'hey' or a flat 'hello' while continuing to walk usually stops them from whatever bullshit they are about to spout because they usually never get a reply and don't have a clue how to react.

this is really important IMO, not backing down or looking nervous throws them way off, also answering a regular greeting with curt hey or a flat hello while continuing to walk usually stops them from whatever bullshit they are about to spout because they usually never get a reply and don't have a clue how to react.

allisondojean 13

I always make eye contact and do a little nod or "how's it going." Partly so that they know I see them and partly because I feel like if I turned the corner and was attacked, they might now feel personally vested in helping me. Luckily I've never had to put threat theory to the test. Of course if it seems like something shady like a drug deal or whatever is going on, I make zero eye contact and continue quickly on my way.

TopHatX 5

Guys do this also, and for the same reason. In every interaction there’s a decision whether to be friends or enemies.

peasantsdaughter 3

This true. A flat, neutral hello with a dismissive glance can thwart further conversation sometimes.

cornflakegrl 33

You are seriously badass.

peasantsdaughter 3

I was a shaking, quivering badass lol.

Oliveballoon 26

My aïkido instructor once was into a situation when he can't avoid crossing a street with some gangs. He said he chose one man and shake hands with him as like been long time friends and keep walking. They didn't said anything since they thought it was known... Or something

peasantsdaughter 3

That’s seriously next level balls.

NihilisticNomes 22

Scary. I'm glad you made it through okay.

funffunfundfunfzig 8

Yes! This is so much more badass than what I do. But I agree that turning the situation around and owning it is sometimes the only thing to do.

If a large group of workers or whatever are staring I’ll often look them in the eye and say good morning or good afternoon but how a disappointed teacher would say it, no smile. And I find they always break up the starefest and look away.

Sometimes just sort of humanizing yourself (which is so depressing to write) is the key.

AnEarthPerson 5

they assumed I had been warned already.

Yikes! Why would they make an assumption about something that could have gotten you killed?

Kolfinna 2

Right, don't look like prey!

Pearl_ia 2

Gdje u Bosni se ovo desilo ako mogu znati?

PoleNewman

"I walked by homeless people living in a dump and slowed down to deliberately drink my mineral water while scowling at dogs."

peasantsdaughter

Lol babe, I get what you’re trying to do here, but those Western PC urges won’t win you any brownie points with Balkan men.

Domestic violence, alcoholism, and PTSD from the war are extremely common. There are certain groups of people you simply avoid if you value your life.

PoleNewman

Lol babe, thanks for the heads up. Having been born and raised there and all, I would've never known.

You walked by people who live in a dump, and they were rightfully suspicious of someone who looks like you. Gypsies aren't treated with respect already, but you decided to show them who's boss. Congrats, budalo.

bellasiel13 433

A lot of people have given solid advice, so I'm just gonna tell a story about the time I think I avoided getting murdered by acting like a complete maniac:

I was riding the train home late after studying with a friend who lived a few stops away. There were only a handful of people in the train car with me when I got that tingly feeling you get from being watched. Lo and behold, an unremarkable-looking dude was staring at me from across the car. This happens to me semi-frequently, so I pulled my usual move where I pretend to get off at the next stop and dip into another car closer to the train operator.

The guy doesn't follow me, so I quickly forget about him. I get off at my stop and begin the short walk to my apartment. As I'm walking, I notice the sound of footsteps behind me. They sound odd, though, like someone who's trying not to make any noise. Now, I've lived in multiple big cities and I've experienced my fair share of weirdness, but in that moment I was hit with the biggest wave of primal fear I have ever felt in my life. I went from zero to freaked the FUCK out in an instant.

Instinct kind of took over, and I stopped in my tracks and whipped around. It was the guy from the train. He just stared at me for a long moment, and then made to cross the street. I immediately began powerwalking towards my place. When I heard footsteps DIRECTLY behind me, I almost threw up. I was close to my building, but the way the front door was set up meant it was going to take me a few seconds to unlock it. If there was any good moment to grab me, it was going to be then.

I made the split second decision to run out into the middle of the (empty) street and just go full crazy. I started screaming obscenities at the guy and kicking parked cars, trying to get an alarm to go off. I felt my only defense at that point was making it seem like hurting me was more trouble than it was worth.

The guy, who was only 5 or 6 feet away from me, just stared at me with dead eyes while he pulled something out of his pocket. I wanted to run away so badly, but I knew that the second I did he'd jump me. So instead, I screamed so loud and so long that I thought I was gonna burst a fucking blood vessel. Finally, the guy cracked the creepiest smile, put whatever he was holding back in his pocket, and started fucking WHISTLING. He turned around and casually made his way back to the train station like he hadn't just watched a girl go completely batshit in the middle of the street. I watched him the whole way: going through the turnstile, waiting on the platform, and getting on the train. I didn't want to take my eyes off him for a second, and I also didn't want him to know which building I went into.

I've had other freaky encounters, but that one is by far the scariest. I honestly think that dude wanted to kill me.

TL;DR: When in doubt, freak the fuck out.

groceryenthusiast 127

That is absolutely terrifying! I’ll share a story of something similar that happened to me (I shared this in response to a different story earlier but I’ll go into more detail here)

Me and a friend were 18, slightly drunk, walking to another friends apartment around 9 or 10pm. We were almost there when we turned down a street to see a man waiting at a bus stop. He was standing right by the sign and turned towards the street so we thought it was evident that he was waiting for a bus. He stood there, looking at the street, for probably a full minute as we approached him, then the second we walked past him, we heard him pivot and start following behind us. Me and my friend sped up, but he kept pace with us. I quickly realized there was no reason for him to be doing this. I thought he was waiting for a bus (which would have been travelling in the opposite direction that we were walking), and even if he did have reason to go this way, why would he follow so close behind us, after we had seen him just standing around on the street. I looked behind me and saw him staring at us and he looked so creepy- I got the worst feeling in my gut.

I turned to me friend and yelled “HES FOLLOWING US!! RUN” and we bolted. Our friends apartment was in sight so we jumped over the chain blocking off the parking lot and ran through, trying to zig zag through the cars so that he would lose us. We made it to the apartment door and called our friend in hysterics asking her to let us into the building. The whole time we were huddled by the door, hoping he wouldn’t see us while our friend came down to unlock it. When we got inside we watched the man continue to look around the parking lot in the dark for about 5 minutes, then give up and walk in the other direction, away from the bus stop.

I am so thankful that I, like you, chose to act when I got scared. I hate to think of what could have happened in a situation like this if I had hesitated to make a scene and run my ass off.

eccentricaunt 67

It's so scary when you realise someone is following you like that. I had this random guy try to follow me home from the pub one night. My partner was away and I'd gone out for a drink with my sister. I'd had enough and decided to walj home as it was 2 blocks, 1 up 1 across. This guy started following me and trying to engage me in conversation. I ignored him but was completely freaked out and decided I would duck into another bar in that block as I didn't want to turn the corner into a darker less populated street with him following me or for him to see where I lived. Just as I reached the bar a group of guys walked out and I actually knew a couple of them. So I stopped and asked them to help me. I told them what was going on and asked them to stop him from following me home. I walked off and the last thing I heard was this loud voice saying 'Oi mate. What the f@#k do you think you're doing?' I found out later old mate had taken one look at these 5 or 6 guys and ran flat out in the opposite direction. I always think that being observant and not hesitating to ask for help saved me that night.

Guitarfoxx 109

I had a guy follow me from my train for a block for a few blocks just as the sun had set. Eventually he started calling for me and closing the gap.

“Hey”

“Hey lady”

“Hey lady hey”

“Girl”

“Hey girl you know I’m talking to you”

In that moment he was right behind me, so then I just spun around instantly and yelled “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME I DON’T KNOW YOU!” While never taking my eyes of of his.

I yelled so loud that nearly everyone on the block stopped and turned to look which is really fucking rare in a city but he knew that everyone (like 4 people in a 20 ft radius) was on to him and he gave up and walked away.

cornflakegrl 68

I’ve heard that before that going right in the middle of the street is a good defence if someone is following you. You can’t get grabbed and dragged off somewhere.

That sounds super scary. You did all the right things.

bellasiel13 68

Exactly! Attackers rely on women being polite/following unspoken social contracts, so when you break them you send the signal that you won't go quietly.

OsmerusMordax 40

I planned on sleeping tonight, guess that's not happening. :/

Scary, I'm glad you got out okay. Also, good tip!

magfluor 37

I when I started college (in a major city) we had a mandatory course about “discovering the city” and an instructor took us places by train and bus. He told us that if anyone felt threatening to us on public transit, to just start barking or some shit and make them think you’re crazy. I’ve never had to do it and I’m not sure if I’d be able to, but I just love that advice.

megustalacafeina 23

That’s absolutely terrifying I’m so sorry

ariagrayx 15

Wow that’s fucking terrifying. I’m so glad the freaking out thing worked, holy shit. I don’t know if I would have thought to go out into the middle of the street and freak out, I’m glad I have that idea in my arsenal now.

How quiet was the street you were on? Like was it a main street or residential?

bellasiel13 9

There was absolutely no one around at all. The area wasn’t super residential, but it was 1am on a Tuesday so foot traffic was non existent.

field_marshal_rommel 12

This is terrifying. I'm glad freaking out kept you safe.

funffunfundfunfzig 10

This. Is. Amazing.

edit: obviously horrible it happened, but for you to just dive into the feeling and throw it back at him. I am so impressed, it’s hard to be brave when you’re scared.

bellasiel13 8

Thank you! I give all credit to my mom who made me read The Gift of Fear when I was young. Having the tools to listen to my gut has saved me countless times.

Mandiferous 9

I employ most of what I read already, but this is good advice. Thank you. Also that is terrifying and I'm glad your ok.

sassyyogii 8

I’ve had to do similar things before. It’s absolutely terrifying and goes against everything your body is telling you but it’s worked.

bellasiel13 5

Yes! The hardest part was resisting the urge to run.

mergletsquoo 7

There is a great book called “The Gift of Fear,” by Gavin DeBecker. It is about how to stay safe/ not be a victim. He talks about that primal gut instinct that tells us something is wrong. Exactly what you described. You were very smart and the fact that you listened to your gut instinct kept you safe.

What a piece of shit, it seems like he got off on instilling such a reaction in you.

milkmilktea 227

don't be looking at your phone on a dark street at night so it looks like you're "communicating with someone". it makes you an easy target because you're not paying attention to your surroundings.

qctran 107

If you do need to check your phone, go up to a brick wall or a buildings vestibule and keep your back against the wall then check your phone.

Keep your screen brightness down to a minimum, or use an app that replicates f.lux so that your eyes take less to adjust.

If you're walking in a neighborhood, walk in the streets. Gives you a bit more time to react.

attashaycase 12

use an app that replicates f.lux

One such app for smartphones, specifically androids, is Twilight. In case anyone is interested.

noirpanda 2

I love this app.

Grouchy_GirlwithCurl 2

why does walking in the streets give you more time to react?

​

cubic_hair 11

Streets are more lit up than surrounding sidewalks, so you’re further away from shadowy pockets that people could be lurking in. It’ll take them more time to come at you and they’ll have to enter the lit up street, therefore more opportunity to see them coming.

OsmerusMordax 6

Because, if you are walking in the middle of the street, a person has to run farther from a bush (along the sidewalk) to get to you.

​

chasing_dopamine 4

Walking in the street also makes you more visible to cars driving through in case you need to flag someone down for help. I had to do this when walking home late at night and a shady dude followed me for a while. He crossed the street to where I was just to ask me what time it was. I gave him a curt “I don’t know” (i.e. fuck off) and I proceeded to walk in the most visibly lit area— the middle of the street.

groceryenthusiast 26

Exactly! Ducking into stores or against a wall like another commenter said is a way safer way to use your phone

lalabats 224

I pretty much follow the "hood rules" I grew up with.

Keep your eyes to yourself. Don't stare at anyone.

If you can, try to not go out alone. I try to stay with a group or with a man.

Be observant. Pay attention to your surroundings.

Make sure someone always knows where you are or where you're going.

Don't start nothing, won't be nothing.

And finally

Trust nobody.

If all that fails, defend yourself. Carry some sort of weapon or know how to turn your surroundings into weapons.

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Squidiculus 90

As a very independant woman who still loves travelling, I hate that third rule. I want to adventure goddamnit, yet I can't, because I was born with tits...

limeconnoisseur 65

I would love an invisibility cloak. I always want to go for walks alone at night or explore sketchy parts of my city unnoticed, but obviously, that's completely not an option.

poopieschmaps 41

Yes! I want to go on midnight walks and roam the city streets at night... but, it’s too risky.

Sometimes I wish I were a 6’3” solid man.

heyyitsfranklin 5

Same, same so much. Though, my brother is 6’4’’ with a pretty solid build and still gets freaked walking around our “safe” suburbs at night. We even have private security around, and this is the type of neighborhood where families from around the area come to trick-or-treat. Nevertheless I’m still jealous he still feels safe enough to even go out. Late night walks/runs, without the supreme fear of muffins or worse sound flippen’ fantastic.

AnEarthPerson 3

supreme fear of muffins

This is the first I've heard of this particular phobia.

TheWordNo 27

This is why I'm glad I have a big, scary looking dog. He's a sweetheart but nobody knows that, and when I take him for walks at midnight people even cross the street to avoid him.

mlljf 8

YES! My German Shepherd-Husky mix is the sweetest but she is also the primary reason I feel perfectly fine going on walks around a somewhat questionable neighborhood

recyclopath_

Mine is medium sized but an asshole. I'm 100% sure he would bite the shit out of someone that attacked me. It's comforting although I could go for less of an asshole overall

not_margaret 1

Dress like a man when you do?

Daft-Bastard 1

I know it’s not much of a solution, but you could disguise yourself as a man.

Daft-Bastard 1

I know it’s not much of a solution, but you could disguise yourself as a man.

lalabats

No one said you can't adventure, but when you travel alone you take your safety into your own hands.

michellaneousness

I grew up with these rules, but I don't tend follow the "don't go out alone one." That being said, I don't think I look much like a target. I'm a fairly athletic-looking woman of color with dreadlocks. While there's the shitty "automatic swipe left" affect for WOC on online dating platforms, it also seems to make us less of a desired target on the street. I'm above average in height, I walk with purpose and confidence, and I have a mean RBF when I want to. I am very, very rarely bothered and I've walked through the direct middle of some really sketchy places by myself.

BiffTannin

Question? Is it really any different if you are a man? I mean, if it’s that bad of a neighborhood, would it not also be bad for a man? I come from a small town where you really only have to watch your back if you are in a sleazy bar when it’s busy so the concept of being afraid of my surroundings is foreign to me.

Comment removed due to containing gendered slurs. If you edit and remove it, please let me know and I can reinstate the comment.

[deleted] 1

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Sand_Dargon 2

All good, then! Thanks and it is back up.

Krissyeeen 211

This sounds morbid but is advice that my police officer father told me when I was young.

If you ever are in a situation where someone is trying to kidnap you/take you by force someplace/carjack you, fight for your life there and then BEFORE you get taken to the second location, etc.

The second location is almost always where they are going to bring you to kill you.

Better to fight immediately and have a chance for survival.

Edit: for clarification

elliethegreat 150

John Mulaney has an entire bit about this.

I am 35 years old and I am still terrified of secondary locations. If I’m at a place, I never want to go to another place. I’ll be at a wedding reception and someone’ll be like, “You coming to the hotel bar after? We’re all gonna get drinks and keep the party going.” I’m like, “Nah, sister. You’re not getting me to no secondary location.

GeneralPieKnife 16

The moment I saw the title, all I could think was STREET SMARTS! If the Lindbergh baby had steel-toed boots, he’d still be alive today. STREET SMARTS!

Esorier 8

I was waiting for this comment!

joanie25 5

I love you for this

Daft-Bastard 28

And I guess, go all the way, no half work. Should you fail, you only pissed them off, so play nasty: don’t spare groins or eyes.

alyzmae 5

If he’s willing to shoot you in public, imagine what he’s planning to do in private

RealHausFrau 3

I’ve heard that you should try to sit down because it’s harder to move a person planted on the ground, and it brings attention to you.

tikirej 3

Or you know. Try to kill whoever is kidnapping you. Also gets a lot of attention. As does screaming like a maniac.

RealHausFrau 3

Sitting down while screaming like a maniac and kicking. Compromise!

tikirej 4

Why sit down?

If you haven't had instructions about what to do if you get kidnapped you aren't getting kidnapped for money.

That means that the best case scenario if he gets you is him having his fun with you and then killing you outright, whilst the worst case is getting kidnapped by this guy.

Whilst the worst case if you fight for your life and try to kill the bastard is getting killed then and there.

Don't sit and kick. Claw out the fuckers eyes and then crush his throat with a few punches. You don't want him to survive. Because at that point you are deciding between maiming and killing. Maiming is stupid because it takes longer and is more difficult to main someone than to kill em. Plus dead men tell no tales.

RealHausFrau 4

I just saw that if you’re in a public place, sitting down will cause a scene and make you more difficult to move. Idk how factual this is, I admit. I saw it on 20/20 years ago and it supposedly saved a girl from being kidnapped at a bank.

tikirej 4

Was in the army (got drafted cause guy)
Someone sitting down is a lot easier to grab cause they can't move as fast or far as if they were standing.

And even if it did make it harder (which it doesn't). Clawing out someone's eyes and screaming bloody murder makes it even harder and causes a bigger scene.

And finally it worked in a bank because there you have someone with a weapon. So knocking you out and carrying you off isn't a possibility.

RealHausFrau 2

Thanks for clearing that up for me! Interesting.

princess__toadstool 129

I wear headphones with either no or low music. That way I can hear everything around me but I can ignore harassers by playing it off like I didn't hear them.

adsothecat 17

I do this too!

melhaj 128

Everyone should read ‘The Gift of Fear’ by Gavin de Becker. Really great tips on ways to stay safe and signs to be aware of when you feel your intuition kicking in!!!

oregonchick 14

I was going to suggest this, but I'm glad there are others who have read it who recommend it, too. This book reaffirmed some things I knew but also covered many things that I never considered.

Asslesschaps27 7

This is a must read. Agree

dothrakipoe 3

I am afraid of everything. Does that count?

INineFINITE 102

Don't listen to music/podcasts/etc. when you're walking alone anywhere, ever. Just don't. Your sense of hearing could save you (from being hit by a car, being snuck up on by someone, etc).

​

Just be aware of what is going on around you. There is no need to live in constant fear that the world is out to get you and something bad could and will happen any second. Remember that most people are good. Also, Keep your eyes off of your phone when you walk, always let someone know where you'll be if you're going to meet someone you don't know in a place you haven't been. I also carry a knife everywhere I go. Its mostly come in handy to cut strings off of my shirt, but in the event I am threatened one day, I wont be defenseless.

​

​

limeconnoisseur 36

Also carrying a phone around in plain sight can make you a target for personal robbery, especially as phones can cost $1k these days.

BougieB_83 3

Do people really steal phones anymore? I seriously have been wondering this because aren’t they useless if they’re locked? Or is there some other benefit to stealing a phone even if it’s locked?

Im_A_Girl_Damn_It

Someone else will buy it, even for an extremely low price since it’s locked. I had one stolen about a month ago. It was an iPhone six that I had for two years, they probably made if anything, twenty dollars on it.

I did the find my iPhone thing, and tried to call them. Answered once and said nothing. I locked the screen and put up a message saying “Will give you $100 for the phone back, just want my baby pictures” Heard nothing.

My iCloud filled up four months before that and I kept putting off upgrading my storage. I figured I planned to keep that phone for another year so it didn’t matter. It did matter... I’ll never get those pictures back

rh71el2

Google Photos has unlimited photo and video storage. Never liked Apple's money making schemes and limited storage ploys. Not sure why so many buy into it by default.

BougieB_83

Ugh, that’s awful. Losing pics is my biggest fear.I was generally just curious. Didn’t know if they could be used for parts or something or that there’s just always an idiot out there to buy a bricked phone.

sleepysongbirds

You can get Google Photos on Apple devices, you should see about doing that, especially if your email is a Gmail one already.

1seconddecision 97

I seen there's a lot of good tips but haven't seen this one yet:

It's getting cold again, wear a cowl, turtleneck sweater or check tutorials on how to wear scarfs different ways so that they cannot be slipped. Scarfs are an easy tool to strangle someone with.

groceryenthusiast 60

So sad that we even have to consider that but it totally makes sense

mwearqiaasm 73

I have this thing that I'll keep turning my head back around periodically while walking. Just checking to see if anyone if following. I also do this when someone passes by me. I check to make sure they haven't turned around and are not following me. If my husband and I are out for a walk, I'll do this also out of habit. It freaks him out lol. He says it makes him paranoid. Funny how that's not a normal state for him when hes wandering the streets like it is for me, and a majority of women.

groceryenthusiast 43

It’s always a bizarre experience to see how baffled men are by the measures that we feel we must go to to keep ourselves safe. These kinds of thoughts don’t even occur to them

field_marshal_rommel 2

I do that when walking as well. I like to play Pokémon Go, but don't always have groups to play in. So I look around me as much as possible for two reasons: to make sure nobody's following me, and to keep an eye on traffic (me versus a moving hunk of metal and glass? I'm not gonna assume the driver sees me).

shenlyism 71

Never wear headphones or look down on your phone while walking alone or in a parking lot.

Expect the best from people, but always prepare for the worst. You can help people without jeopardizing your safety.

When possible, never entirely rely on acquaintances or friends for a ride, especially on a first date. Situations and people can turn quickly and you don’t want to be stuck in a bad situation.

No matter how safe the neighborhood/area, try to avoid alleys or dark passageways with only one entry/exit.

When walking, run through situations where you might be attacked. What would you do if a van suddenly appeared? What would you do if a man was following you? 99.9% of that information with leave you if you’re ever in danger, but it could be that .1% that saves your life.

Ultimately, you stay safe by being aware of your environment. Danger can be anywhere and many victims are victims of opportunity. If you can’t hear or see the things around you, you can be at risk. Don’t live in fear, just live with healthy amount of panic that you can be attacked at any moment (kidding).

Edit: (can to can’t in final paragraph)

Ultimately, you stay safe by being aware of your environment. Danger can be anywhere and many victims are victims of opportunity. If you can hear or see the things around you, you can be at risk. Don’t live in fear, just live healthy amount of panic that you can be attached at any minute!

PASTA-BITCH 63

A multi tool or knife won't do much for you when you're already in danger. You have to unfold it, hold it properly, get your arm free enough to stab, stab hard enough to cause actual damage, and keep the knife from being taken and used against you.

I always hear girls talk about how they carry a pocket knife to defend themselves. I had a friend who did the same thing. The guy who attacked her stabbed her a dozen times and left her on the side of the road. Unless you have a knife that's meant to be used as a weapon, and extensive training, you're just going to get yourself hurt.

shenlyism 21

You’re absolutely right and I should have been clearer regarding how you would use those items for defense.

First, the recommendation of those tools comes with the assumption that you use it only in a situation where you feel comfortable and will not lose control of the weapon.

You don’t need to carry a knife for protection and use it solely for stabbing. A knife with a good glass breaker doesn’t need to be unfolded to create enough damage to get away from someone who is grabbing you. Same with a multi-tool.

Spray is obviously good because you can use it from a distance, but really you want to focus on anything that you know beyond a reasonably doubt that you cannot lose in an attack. Also, check the legality of what you are and are not allowed to carry for defense.

groceryenthusiast 25

Having a knife on you is so helpful even if it can’t necessarily be used for self defence. Something you could potentially use to break a window, cut through rope, seatbelts or bindings or clothing could be the difference between life and death!
Also good for opening Sephora packages :)

PASTA-BITCH 14

Ah, that makes sense! A multi tool is great as a blunt object. Or for opening a package of snacks 😂 I've also heart that a metal water bottle is a good weapon if it comes down to it!

a_girl__has_no_name 8

Especially the big 40 oz ones when full of water. I accidentally found that out when I dropped mine on my foot

usernameyoufucks 1

You could also stab with keys

sodabrothel 67

Look as unapproachable as possible. No eye contact, definitely no smiling, attempt to appear pissed off if you can. My favorite technique is to wear big, over-ear headphones with no music playing — I stay aware of my surroundings, but people are discouraged from approaching me.

When walking around (especially at night), spend as little time on side streets as possible.

killorbe

Look as unapproachable as possible.

I do the same as a guy if I don't want to be bothered by anyone. Lets just say I intentionally look like a fucking thug that is going to kill anyone in a moment's notice. Nobody dares to talk to me and it works flawlessly. Some men try to stare me down to prove that they are not "easy" targets while in reality they are losing their mind (I can literally see their eyes shiver in fear) as I might just jump on them and fucking kill them right there. Women and children (& some men) cross the street, always. Old people freeze and just stay there pretending I don't see them or cross the street as well.

Unlike you I prefer to use side streets since they tend to be shortcuts and there are less people there, which is nice. Only problem I might have to deal with are really police. I bring too much attention to myself and police are always profiling me based on my thug clothes, so sometimes I see a police patrol literally tailing me (at least trying to be covert but they are terrible at tailing people, so I always see them a mile away), but in most times I think it is cool, since I've always liked free bodyguards. ;) So I think that is a huge bonus all things considered.

Besides, if I wanted to be not seen I would just wear clothes that everybody else in that district wears so I don't stand out, which is what I usually do, but sometimes you know these thug clothes come really handy when you don't want anybody to bother you at all, like literally no words, nothing. Just pure bliss of silence.

It is amazing what a piece of clothing can accomplish. People are such a racist and judgemental piece of shits, judging me based on what clothes I wear. How unfortunate while also being fortunate at the same time considering how exploitable that fact about humans is.

I do the same as a guy if I don't want to be bothered by anyone. Lets just say I intentionally look like a fucking thug that is going to kill anyone in a moment's notice. Nobody dares to talk to me and it works flawlessly. Men try to stare me down to prove that they are not "easy" targets while in reality they are losing their mind as I might just jump on them and fucking kill them right there. Women and children cross the street, always. Old people freeze and just stay there pretending I don't see them or cross the street as well.

poopswife 60

I am 5’1, 103 pounds... you know, petite and small, easy to grab. My dad told me when I was 18, when I was about to be traveling through an airport by myself for the first time , to always appear sure of yourself and be aware of your surroundings. Almost ten years later, this advice has never done me wrong.
I walk with my head held high and speed walk. Even if I think I might be lost or don’t know exactly where I am going or what to do. I don’t make eye contact. I don’t acknowledge in any way, when a man is obviously interested in me. Be that cat-calling or just staring at me. I will be as “rude” as I need to be in order to keep myself safe. When I’m alone, all of my senses are tingling, and I’m always prepared for anything. Even if I need to ask for a mans help for something, I act more confident than I’ve ever been.

groceryenthusiast 2

Great advice my petite sis! My mom always told me that she would rather me be the biggest bitch alive than have me be kind & dead. Getting comfortable with being “rude” to keep myself safe has probably been one of the most helpful things for me! Confidence is also such a key!

spacehusband 2

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_____MELONFUCKER 52

This is less of a street smarts thing and more of a fuck you thing because I agree with all of the comments already here about keeping yourself safe. I started farting if a guy is catcalling me or obviously checking me out in a creepy way. If they hear it, that's great, it freaks them out. If they don't hear it it's fine because I still know it happened and that makes me happy.

limeconnoisseur 20

A+ for creativity.

If you have trouble farting on command (I wouldn't be able to muster one up), give burping a go.

BecauseItsWednesday 14

I've never thought of this lol

Wilkersonla 12

Gonna invest in a small whoopie cushion (or phone app). I dont have enough farts.

_____MELONFUCKER 8

Oooo an app is a great idea because it could be even louder, looking into this now.

cornflakegrl 12

My old roommate used to turn and look them straight in the eye.... and stick a finger up her nose.

mua87 49

Try not to put your handbag on the passenger seat. I've seen a guy go for the door and then smash the window for a handbag at traffic lights. The police explained it happens more than you think.

groceryenthusiast 23

Oh Jesus! This is great advice- I’m guilty of putting my bag there a lot!

23fk 8

I always put mine in the floor because I love purses with feet and they leave little dents in the leather lol, but I’ve never even thought about that!! Great point

rlnw 2

I had a friend get her purse stolen from her passenger seat because she didn’t lock the doors to her car while pumping gas. Be sure to lock your doors and have the purse somewhere not easily accessible. She was standing directly next to her car filling it with gas when it was stolen and she didn’t even notice.

fgn15 49

Couple of things I haven’t seen yet:

-Online sales like Facebook Market or Craigslist can be conducted at your local police station. I know ours has a spot in the lot right in front of the main doors for that purpose. It’s my go to now for purchases from strangers.

-If you carry any kind of weapon, practice practice practice. Make it muscle memory to use said weapon. And practice under duress. My husband likes to make me run laps around the house before entering our little firing range. The idea is to get used to firing through the adrenaline dump.

-People are predicable. Seriously. We do the same things over and over and over. My dad called it milk cow syndrome. Don’t be predictable.

-When you get home, lock your doors behind you. To include closing the garage door. Lots of crimes are those of opportunity.

-That scary dog of yours? Merely a deterrent. I have 5. While I’d love to think my GSD would eff up any intruder, she’s a deterrent. She and the others afford me the time to either get out or get armed.

Okay, so that was a few more than a couple.

Stay safe, ladies!

Mennoly 3

Neither one of my dogs would do jack if someone came into my house. They do not even bark when someone knocks. Ones scared of leaves the other thinks everyone is his best friend. But my friend I have a secret weapon that is the attack cat. Not just one but 2. They will attack you. Ups/fed ex leaves packages at the end of my driveway because the cats do not tolerate anyone but us. While I don’t use it as a fail safe it does make me feel a bit better. I always know when someone is around my house. my one cat is large and intimidating and will injure you. He’s grumpy and has scratched the crap out of us before. Hisses when you walk by him. He’s a jerk. But being cats they do not stay near the house all the time, and of course spend a lot of time inside too. I live rurally so they go out in the woods.

-humble-opinion- 3

Second that on the defense practice. I've been attacked and the response feels like a blur.

Also, for me mace was been a great deterrent when I was young and took more risks. On public transit late at night I usually had it out and visible. Having a can in my car also saved my ass a number of occasions. Oddly I've only had to tell two people explicitly "back off or you're getting maced" - both were hostile inebriated women. Creeper dudes just got the message right away once they spotted it. Mace was my best friend in my teens and early 20s.

killorbe

If you carry any kind of weapon, practice practice practice. Make it muscle memory to use said weapon. And practice under duress. My husband likes to make me run laps around the house before entering our little firing range. The idea is to get used to firing through the adrenaline dump.

This is good, most gun owners who carry for self protection have zero skills of actually using a gun in practical situations such as protection. IPSC is the way to do it, so look it up near your location and join the one closest to you. Best training you'll ever get as a civ. Just going to gun ranges isn't enough. It does nothing to you other than help you get familiarised with a gun, but when shit hits the fan that training is useless. You need that sweet muscle memory that lets you kill (in court: stop a threat) anyone in matter of seconds. That is the whole point of practicing practical shooting in different environments.

SomeRandomNurse 47

First thing I do when I get in my car is lock my doors. Be aware of your surroundings. Scan the parking lot as your walking so you can see what's happening. Never, EVER keep headphones in when you're walking alone, not even when you're leaving the gym. Also, I carry my 9mm.

poopswife 14

That is so awesome you carry a 9mm! I have a small 22mm pistol that I’ve dying to get a concealed carry for, for 6 years now! It’s going to happen one of these days.

SomeRandomNurse 16

If you’re going to carry, I highly recommend taking some courses through a local gun range with a qualified instructor, if you don’t already have someone who has taught you the ropes. If you ever find yourself in a situation (hopefully never,) people almost always tend to revert back to their lowest level of education out of panic. So it’s good to keep on top of your skills. Also,if you’re traveling, make sure you know the laws for the states you’re going to and driving through. Certain states (NJ for instance,) have restrictions on the type of ammo you can carry, etc.

poopswife 2

Absolutely! The reason I don’t have a concealed carry right now, is I haven’t found a class I can afforded or a good certified, free one. My husband carries and I grew up military, so guns and gun laws are not too unfamiliar to me. Though, I know I need to spend lots of time at a gun range.

rhyminsimon613 3

Underground parking garages are hell on earth. Terrifying.

Archr_556 45

Carry a High output (200+lumen minimum) non-variable flashlight, the kind many police and security carry, for when walking places at night. It discourages potential attackers since you can see them clearly, and all they'll be able to see is a blinding light, you could be a 5-foot tall woman on her way home or a police officer on patrol they won't be willing to take the risk if they can't see who you are. Also, they're legal everywhere so you won't have to worry about breaking the law and you can use it to temporarily blind and disorient someone in situations where you feel you need to do something, but aren't sure if something like pepper spray would be justified. There isn't much risk you'll be charged for assault because you shined a flashlight in someone's face. Surefire is considered the best in terms of self-defense flashlights, they even have a series of youtube videos on how to use a flashlight for self-defense (but most of them are in conjunction with a firearm) they're kind of expensive though.

iam_rebeccajones 23

I recently bought one of these from eBay was around $6AUD. I got one for my Mum too. Using things like knives, keys etc as weapons is extremely dangerous. If you don’t have years of training with weapons you will just end up getting assaulted with your own weapon. You have to get way too close to use them. If you feel you are in danger you can quickly flash the person in the eyes with the torch and that will temporarily blind them and give you a chance to create some distance between you and them. Flash them again if they keep coming. Also you don’t run the risk of accidentally physically assaulting a totally innocent person because you felt a little jumpy, which is something I would be very likely to do haha.

23fk 9

A side note to this: many of these police grade flashlights are extremely heavy. I have a friend whose dad is a cop, and his weighs a ton. So if they did keep coming toward you, you have a weapon as well. You’d do some serious damage swinging that at someone’s head

This is so smart! I have never heard of someone doing this before but it totally makes sense!

MiloOden2012 43

I used to be a correctional officer. Keep your hands out of your pockets and near your hips. When talking to someone place your hands near your chest area Incase they make a move you can strike. Stand with one leg behind you so if you get pushed, you will not lose your balance & fall down. Stay a kick & a half away from strangers. Keep your head on a swivel always alert & looking. Anything and everything can be turned into a weapon so think about the items your carrying for your protection. Just a few.

Being street smart, in my experience, is a combination of situational awareness and your ability to mitigate or remove yourself from anything that signals danger. That's what most of the specific tips boil down to, and you handicap your ability to do that when you are impaired.

I'm not saying you should never drink or do any sort of drugs, and I am fully of the opinion that your mental state/state of intoxication/appearance is point-blank never an invitation or excuse for someone to cause you harm in any way, but you stand the best chance of keeping yourself safe when you have your wits about you.

I'm not a teetotaller by any means, but I've dialed back from my harder days and save the occasions where I do want to 'let go' (more than one toke or a beer or two) for situations where I feel very safe regarding location, way home, and the company. It's not bulletproof, but it makes you less of an easy target.

elliethegreat 17

I've always found it interesting that many people (myself included at times) are terrified of roofies but have no hesitation getting completely trashed.

Alcohol is the most common date rape drug which I think a lot of people forget.

primate__equity 3

Alcohol is actually incredibly toxic and dangerous - it's mindblowing that our culture has whitewashed it as socially acceptable to the point that it's not considered a drug despite how many illicit drugs are comparatively safer in many ways. For the record, I'm all for having the freedom to alter your consciousness with substance use, but U.S. drug policy is properly fucked and our cultural blindness to the dangers of alcohol are just one stunning example of that.

haelesor 38

Keep an eye on your shadow. It's easy to see without making it obvious that you are looking for danger.

AllFeelingsRChemical 36

My advice is do some research about the mentality of predators. Knowing why and how they operate, although creepy will provide a realistic expectation of how to exist among them. Also, don’t overestimate your ability to protect yourself. Over prepare and plan for the worst. Carry pepper spray or some sort of weapon but know how to use it. Also, STUN GUNS DON’T WORK! Unless you’re only trying to piss off your attacker. Legit tasers with the barbs and wires like police carry work, stun guns are shit. Probably better than nothing but they don’t work at all like the movies show.

Edit: a note on pepper spray. It can effect you as much as your attacker, so be aware of that. Will still likely stop an attack if you get them good with it though.

LittleWinn 2

This! I read a report given by rapists listing what they look for in targets, and the things that have caused them to give up on a target. Super helpful, Google it!

rodrigueznati1124 36

All amazing rules. Mine are:

Be aware. If you feel some one is making you uncomfortable, staring at you, or being sketchy, try and take a quick but OBSERVANT look at their face, arms or hands for anything that can distinguish them. (Assuming the very worst happens)

Walk straight, eyes forward don’t bend or fold or stop for someone cat calling or being a douche. Ignore it and keep it moving.

In this day and age you should have your phone map linked with a parent, sibling, or friend. We are an iPhone family and we all have each other on “find my friends”

Keep your emergency profile up to date on your iPhone.

If someone is making you uncomfortable and you have the chance to get to a crowd, or even tell some one, do so.

In a bar tell a bouncer or bartender if there’s some one harassing you.

Buddy system as much as you can when you go out at night. Don’t let your pal go to the bathroom alone, keep an eye on each other and ALWAYS have a code word or signal if there is a person making them uncomfortable during conversation or something.

groceryenthusiast 15

I do the looking at someone so that I would be able to describe them to police thing too lol! I think it’s from having been obsessed with true crime- whenever I see a man who looks creepy whether he’s being creepy to me or another woman (Sometimes even if I see a guy with a crying kid or something else that stands out), I try to make a mental note of his features.

rodrigueznati1124 8

Omg same here! But I learned this when I was younger. I was like 19, riding the subway some guy was rubbing one off while looking at me (I was reading a book) when i looked up I noticed I got off the train and told one of the workers. I managed to notice his face very well and they caught him later on (he was doing the same) that just always stuck to me.

puttuputtu 3

Point 1 is completely true. My chain got snatched at a downtown train station. I was afraid to make a huge fuss since I was afraid he had a weapon. What I did do is stare at his face. When the cops asked if I could recognize his face I said yes. Picked him out from a photo lineup and testified in court. Didn't get my chain back but at least he's off the streets.

ATastefulNude 35

I have a large and anxious dog

BecauseItsWednesday 19

Hell yes. My doberman might look smiley and happy on our walks, but he's going after anyone who goes after me. If I am down or threatened, he has full permission to rip the fucker apart.

a_girl__has_no_name 13

Same! My dog is medium size and the most friendly dog I've ever met, but when she thinks I am in danger, she is a frightening monster to anyone who doesn't know better! She has a deep and loud growl and bark, with a very convincing snarl, she's super fast and can lunge at someone from 8 ft away no problem.

LittleWinn

This! I got my Lab thinking she is the sweetest, most submissive dog. Until 2 am my husband came home in the dark, my Lab threw her body over mine and started snarling she wouldn’t let him near me. I was completely shocked but felt incredibly glad she would do that! Had to call her off before she hit the husband though!

If you wear a skirt/dress, if you can - have jean shorts underneath it.

Always look around when walking.

BecauseItsWednesday 12

Serious question: Why jean shorts? Harder to remove?

onlooks 24

I think the more important thing is that it's near impossible to just move them aside if they fit right. Similar to a chastity belt in a way

starlady103 27

When you get in your car, don't sit there and fiddle around with your radio or purse. Get in, start the car, and go. Similarly, check the backseat of your car before you get in it by looking in the window. Don't accept drinks from anyone unless you saw the bartender make them, and watch the bartender make your drinks always. When you are carrying your drinks, hold it so that your hand is over the top (fingers are on the rim) so no one can roofie you in that way. If you're running alone, don't wear your long hair in a way that could be used for an attacker to grab onto (a long ponytail for example)

FishFace92 26

If you are certain you're being followed, come up to a group of girls and be like "Hey girls! So good to see you!" And let them know what's going on quietly. Has helped me out on more than one occasion.

dogfishmoose 24

If someone puts a note on your windshield look around before you check it.

textmewhenyougethome 7

This. And also notice the placement of it. If it’s close to the drivers side, grab it. If not, drive away and pull over somewhere safe before grabbing it.

Gnome926 24

*Don't park next to vans or sketchy cars with dark tinted windows if you're alone. Park somewhere with a better view of the cars around you. No one wants to be snatched.
*Make use of safety texts. Assign a friend or family member to receive your itinerary of you night out or trip. "FYI - I'm going to X Bar and meeting up with Y & Z". Text "Home now" as soon as possible after you get home. If you're driving somewhere far, text your stat time and route. Text when you arrive.
*Something/someone skeevy or sketchy got you creeped? Take a pic, make a caption..."this guy following me in the bar". If something should happen with Mr Skeevy later, you have better details.

OutOfMyMind4ever 24

When I was about 8 my great grandmother told me the most useful of my street smarts. If I was ever out and it was late (or felt dangerous) to be the bold and crazy girl.

To walk down the middle of the street as if I owned it and to make as much noise as possible if anyone ever entered the road towards me. She also suggested humming and the occasional random insult.

Because no one wants to mess with crazy.
Crazy is never easy or quiet. Crazy fights dirty and wakes the neighborhood. Crazy does the unexpected.

So be crazy and travel the world.

Also their tends to be less broken glass in the middle of the road if you need to take your shoes off to run.

funffunfundfunfzig 5

“
Because no one wants to mess with crazy. Crazy is never easy or quiet. Crazy fights dirty and wakes the neighborhood. Crazy does the unexpected.
“

Yes! And ladies: if at any point you’re thoughts are “I hope I don’t hurt this persons feelings/I hope I don’t look crazy”. Stop 👏🏻 it 👏🏻! Fuck everybody else!

frecklesandmusings 23

I agree with most of these tip from posts before me and wanted to add a few more. Predators are typically looking for quick easy targets.

Walk with self assurance. Look like you know how to handle yourself. Hold your head high, look like you’re aware of your surroundings and won’t be taken by surprise.

If a van is parked by your drivers side, get in on the passenger side. Use car windows as mirrors to see behind and around you.

If someone is trying to steal your bag/wallet/phone throw it as far from you as you can and take off running in the opposite direction.

If you know you have to walk alone, don’t wear clothes that are easy to remove (sweats/Gym shorts/dress/skirt) wear jeans, jumpers, something that’s difficult to remove.

Don’t wear your hair in a pony tail. It’s easier to grab and hold on to.

FIGHT. Kick, scream, bite, flail, gouge their eyes, use your elbows, punch their throat, anything. Just Fight back. They may see you’re not worth the effort and take off.

Also, if it’s late at night and you’re alone and a car/cop gets behind you with it’s blue lights on, do not pull over until you get to a well lit populated area. Put on your flashers to acknowledge they’re behind you. Then ask Siri to call your local police station or just call 911 and let them know that you are a woman alone at night and are not comfortable pulling over until you are somewhere with other people. Give them your location, name, and the make/model of your car. Ask them to notify the cop behind you of your intentions. Speak clearly and with a level head and the operator is more likely to respect you and honor your wishes.

Last, listen to your gut. We are instinctual creatures. If you have that buzzing feeling that something is off, listen to it and act accordingly.

rawdogg808 21

Take jiujitsu and Muay Thai classes. It will literally give you full confidence if you ever need to fully defend your life. 🤙🏽

MirrorGrl36 16

I haven’t done this exactly but I took several self defense classes. I definitely feel more confident. I also make sure I am looking up. I don’t stare at people but if someone is assessing if I’m a good target I want them to know “ I’ve seen your face. “.

rawdogg808 20

Yes looking up shows confidence. Be aware that self defense classes in the real world most times done mean squat. There is a reason I mentioned Muay Thai and jiu jitsu and not anything else. Jiu jitsu because if you end up on the ground you NEED to know what to do to save your life. MuayThai because I’ve found out through experience that it is the most practical, effective, combat style when standing up. If you have time mma would also be really beneficial. Aloha🤙🏽

Btw I’m a man. I possess these skills and know they work. I feel all women should learn and possess these skills in order to protect themselves. I’m 5’11” 175 and in top shape and have had 5’ feet 100 pound women lock me up and choke me out. It really works. Be safe

groceryenthusiast 3

I’m looking into taking a self defence class over Christmas break! I’m glad to hear you found them helpful!

ryder152 20

All of this advice is great. I just want to add that it makes me sad that we have to share all of this, but I’m very happy for the women posting here. I have several new tactics thanks to you all.

zzzrecruit 19

NEVER EVER allow an attacker to get you from Point A to Point B. Even under the threat of death, NEVER go quietly! Scream and fight like your life depends on it - because your life DOES depend on it. When they get you to Point B they'll do something horrible to you and they'll kill you anyway.

NEVER use drive up, or tucked away ATMs. Always go inside a well used establishment. If there are none, too bad. Don't use the seedy, isolated, scary looking ATM.

When walking to your car at night in a parking lot, stay FULLY aware of your surroundings. If you park there during the day, park near a lightpost or somewhere near the front if you can. Watch and listen for people following or running at you as you go to your car.

Keep mace, a pocketknife, or some kind of weapon on you if you have to walk somewhere alone. Who cares if it's illegal where you are? I'd rather get charged for using it on an attacker than to allow myself to be attacked. I'll take care of legalities after, at least I'll be alive. My sister keeps mace on her keyset and I have a retractable knife whenever we go places alone.

kiwitathegreat 18

I’m paranoid patty so this is probably overkill but makes me feel better.

Carry weapons that you are comfortable using. I have a metal baton that lives in my car door, an assortment of pocket knives, and a handgun. I’m comfortable using the knives and gun, but know I would mace myself if I carried pepper spray.

I also purposely bought a vehicle with passive keyless entry. I don’t have to have my keys out or even know where they are until I’m at my house. Makes me feel like less of a target when walking alone.

Move with purpose. Don’t take leisurely strolls late at night through sketchy places, don’t distract yourself with your phone, and definitely don’t make yourself look like an easy mark. Hold your head up, look around regularly, and get where you need to be ASAP. This is where it’s also handy to have a “don’t fuck with me” facial expression.

I also don’t really interact with other people when I’m alone or in sketchy situations. No eye contact, thousand yard stare, and mind my own damn business. This means no small talk in the checkout lines, definitely no talking to panhandlers, and overall looking unapproachable. The irony of this is that I am acquainted with a lot of the unsavory characters in town because of my job, but even they can respect not wanting to interact on my off time.

Be alert, stay aware of your surroundings, and trust your gut. It’s amazing what you spot when you step back and observe. I see all sorts of suspect things that my human golden retriever of a boyfriend misses.

donotpanic420 2

I very much relate to the golden retriever bit. I rescued one myself.

Edit: Sometimes it feels like he rescued me.

Nosoycabra 18

Don't talk to strangers.

ntdnbs 17

Lived in Cape Town/South Africa (very high crime) for a few years so I picked some habits up along the way.

When out and about after work hours no eye contact with strangers, no attention drawing behavior like loud laughing and phone is always in reach but not in my hand (to avoid getting robbed and also to avoid random guys asking for numbers). No walking near cars or doorways. I avoid going out/taking ubers by myself at night, if I do (or any of my friends have to) I'll activate the friends function on iPhone so someone can see where I am. When at a bar I don't accept drinks that have been out of my sight. Also if someone makes me uncomfortable in any way (touching, not backing off, catcalling, even just a random guy saying hello on the street that I'm getting bad vibes from idc, whatever), I'm not polite. No acknowledgement, no niceties, fuck off attitude all the way. Then locking myself into my car as soon as I get in and not having the window down if I'm somewhere with robots or a lot of traffic.

poopieschmaps 4

Question: my sister came to visit and we went to a local restaurant/bar to have sister time: some tough biker dude started harassing me, and I feel if I had been rude, he would have punched me.

ntdnbs 4

Absolutely. If you're asking me it's never a good idea to provoke a man intentionally. In a situation like that I'd be as cautiously standoffish as possible and subtly get help/to somewhere safe asap.

heyyitsfranklin 3

TIL “robots.” Thought is was some subtle Chappie reference at first. lol

bambisummers 2

(Robots are traffic lights for those who aren’t South African) :P

qctran 17

Check laws where you live when it comes to anything self-defense. New Jersey has asinine pepper spray laws, while some cities ban ALL knives no matter the length.

As a trans woman, I avoid getting on public transportation when schools let out, sport ball days, or major drinking holidays.

groceryenthusiast 9

So true about the laws- make sure you aren’t going to get yourself in legal trouble with your self defence.
It is heartbreaking how often trans people (especially trans women) are victims of violent crime. Keep yourself safe sister❤️

Radzz24 17

If you’re ever in a car being taken somewhere against your will, grab the steering wheel and crash into the side of the road or something. You’re better off being in an accident than taken somewhere and possibly killed.

Kayt1784 16

I grew up in a not so safe part of the city and used to take public transit a lot as a teenager. What I’ve learned is to walk and travel with purpose and have your resting bitch face on. If something or someone makes you uncomfortable - get away from it/them, even if it appears rude. As a young teenager I had creepy older men sit next to me on the bus when NO ONE ELSE WAS ON IT - and I straight up got up and sat the farthest I could from the creep. I’ve had men get off the bus and try to follow me home while trying to talk and/or yell at me. In those situations I was loud and mouthy and swore my head off at them and called them all sorts of names. They usually backed off when they figured out that I wasn’t some meek young girl.

And while this isn’t necessarily legal, I carried pepper spray and bear spray when I had to work especially late.

chadychade 16

When socializing at a bar or club, I never tell anyone I’m going home after. Casual conversation usually leads to, “What are you doing later?” I always say I’m going to 1. Another bar 2. Friends house 3. Boyfriend’s house, someplace where it’s obvious that someone is expecting you and it will be noticed if you’re missing. Also makes it easy to shoot down guys trying to hook up.

Certifiedbeanbag 16

Here are a few my mum taught me that have stuck since:

.Never discuss with friend or family where you’re getting off at on public transport, never say where you’re going or anything that gives a stranger too much info

.Have a code word or phrase you can use on the phone or in person, for me to my mum it was ‘How is Hannah feeling’. This sounds totally normal to others, but to my mum she knows its a code (hannah was our awful old neighbour who we hated).

.I always let me family know if I am headed out somewhere and I message to let then know when I get back. Even if they don’t get it at the time, it tells them you’re safe

.If you are ever in a situation you are in danger or feel unsafe, leave. My familys motto is ‘just get in a cab, get safe, we’ll pay’, I’ve never had to use it but it reminds me there is always a way our. Heck get a cab even if you can’t pay so they can get the police there

mutiebunny 15

Don't stare at people, but if someone is obviously looking at you, make eye contact. Don't smile, just neutral faced until THEY look away. People with bad intentions don't like being watched. Carry something you can use at a long distance like pepper spray or an umbrella. Even just having pepper spray visible on you, like clipped to your bag will make others wary of you and less likely to mess with you. Don't walk alone if you can help it.

miawalace94 16

but if someone is obviously looking at you, make eye contact

EXACTLY. Eye contact can make some people very uncomfortable, shows strength.

If I am in a sketchy area I try to blend in. Remove jewelry, watches, etc. Be confident, even if you don't know where you are going.

​

MirrorGrl36 1

And if they are deciding if you are a good target, they will know that you are able to identify them, this not making a great target. Makes sense to me!

funffunfundfunfzig 1

Yes! And to hold the stare, it helps to commit your brain/mental images to make you look stronger/crazier.

madamelex 15

If I am walking in a neighbourhood at night, I walk down the middle of thr street - not the sidewalk. Allows me to have more opportunities to see danger coming and not get grabbed from the bushes. I also do not wear a scarf around my neck at night. Basically wearing a noose they can grab.

RunnyBabbitRoy 1

Wouldn’t walking down the middle be easier for someone to quickly stop and take you?

I’m a guy so idk about this stuff, but it seems more dangerous to me

raygun615 15

Always look like you belong where you are. Be confident. Don’t be on yr phone and always look for an exit route if things get weird.
And if something does happen... always scream “Fire!”. No one is coming if you yell yr being attacked or rape.

theprincessx 5

It is so sad that we are told to yell "fire" for help. Because no one will help otherwise. Can we just have a world where women are safe.

Taltyelemna 13

No staring at people, but looking around a lot, and walking like a man, straight back, straight shoulders, firm stride, with a resting bitch face that spells « woe betide anyone who dares to fuck with me. »

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whiskey_clit 13

So much of being street smart is observing your surroundings, judging them based on your gut instinct, and then acting. If there’s break down in that chain, you’ll find yourself being preyed upon. But that doesn’t mean you should make it easy for people.

Look around when you walk so that you’re always aware of your surroundings. Walk with your head up and shoulders back so that you look like a tough target. You’d be surprised how much being aware of your surroundings and looking like you’d make a scene if attacked will help you avoid conflicts, even as a woman. You just have to look like you have some fight in you.

When you’re somewhere and a stranger is making you feel weird for any reason, get away from them as quickly as possible. You don’t owe that person anything, and they have no power or authority over you. But if you’re stuck in a situation because you’re not sure what’s going on, it’s better for your to observe and judge and plan your next moves than to avert your eyes and pretend it isn’t happening.

When you’re in a social or work situation and something happens that doesn’t make any sense to you, it’s not frivolous. You just don’t understand the ramifications of what happened. Find someone older and wiser and get their advice on how to stay out of harms way.

groceryenthusiast 15

Oh god yes. I think one of the biggest problems is that so many women are aware, and are smart, but refrain from making the choice to act.

A few years ago a friend and I felt that we were being followed by a man on the street at night. I fairly loudly yelled “HES FOLLOWING US! RUN!” And we hauled ass to our friends apartment. Many people probably would have waited longer before acting, wait for him to get closer, or to speak to us, or to do something that would make us certain that he was following us, but I had a bad feeling and I acted on it.

He ended up chasing after us, and we watched him search all through the parking lot for us after we made it in the side door of the building without him noticing. I am so glad that I trusted my gut and made a move.

whiskey_clit 7

Totally. And I get it - it’s like you get stuck in the moment and can’t force yourself to respond.

That story is terrifying. The silver lining of it is that you were effective in protecting yourself and your friend. The world is still a dangerous place, but you’re up to the challenge.

limeconnoisseur 12

I'll avoid repeating other tips, and throw in a few that haven't been mentioned yet, but definitely come in handy and a few stories about potentially dangerous situations:

I've had sketchy men follow me late at night.

The worst encounter was very late one night when I was less than a block from my place and saw a man up the street, about half a block away from me. I couldn't tell at first if he was walking toward me or away from me, but when in doubt, I always make sure I'm not sharing a sidewalk with anyone (including during the day).

So I casually crossed the street, jay-walking. He crossed the street. I walked for a few feet, then crossed back in case it was a coincidence. Yep, he immediately crossed back across the street as well, blocking me from getting home, and was definitely going to follow me if I turned and tried to go back.

So I hid behind a car, looked to the house next to me, got their address and immediately plugged it into Uber. I stayed crouched behind the car and watched through the back window, watching him walking around up ahead, clearly looking for me, eventually crossing an intersection, heading in the opposite direction as me, but was walking up people's sidewalks and trying to get into apartment buildings and my own place. There was no way I was going to try to wait him out.

Uber showed up very quickly and I explained to the guy what happened and asked him to drive away and then take me home from a different route. Uber driver watched and waited to make sure I got in safely. I gave him a nice tip and a Night Time Hero award lol.

Other tips:

Don't get food delivered to your door. If you live in an apartment/condo, don't give you unit number - have them call/buzz you and meet them in the lobby. Same goes for Uber and Cabs. They don't need to know your unit number.

If someone is coming to deliver a package, buzz them in and then go meet them, locking your door behind you. Or tell them to leave it outside your door. If you live in a house, it isn't the worst idea to go get your packages from the post office instead of opening your door to people who might not actually be delivering a package.

When taking an Uber, always look in the back seat/hatchback before getting in.

You can share your ride information with a friend who has the Uber app (it's built right into the app, you don't need an iphone for this). Tap 'security' and hit share your ride info. It will tell them who your driver is, their license plate number, and they can watch you on your route in real time, and it will let them know that you got home safely.

Don't be afraid of putting some extra distance between yourself and someone who might be following you by breaking into a full sprint after turning a corner (provided that they're almost a block behind you). Ideally get yourself somewhere home or change your route without being seen before they reach the end of the block. You don't want them to see you running.

If you must take out the garbage or get something from the car late at night, message a female or a relative who is awake and online and tell them where you are, what you are going out to do, what you are wearing and tell them that if you have not sent them a message in x minutes to call the police. If you can't reach anybody, it's not worth the risk.

Use your ears. If something seems off, walk as silently as possible and really take in your surroundings.

Dark clothing and keeping your phone on silent is also handy if you need to hide for some reason. Make sure your shadow is hidden within the shadow of anything you're hiding behind.

It's good to keep a heavy crowbar hidden within arm's reach of your front door so that you can grab it before you've properly entered.

Some college/university campuses have safety programs where two volunteers will walk you home or take public transit with you and walk you home. You don't actually need to be a student to use these services, so it's good to see if this is available, if you happen to live near a campus.

spearmintskies 6

To add onto your very last point: My university has a ton of brightly lit, very blue "EMERGENCY" stands. They urge anyone (student or not) to please use it if you ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable, and someone will come to you and aid you, whether its a ride home or a walk to your dorm or anything else. They also recommend calling the police at the same time if you feel there is danger, or see/have an emergency. My college is super super safe (statistically) but it's so relieving to know those emergency posts are there in case I ever need it.

If your university has something like mine does, get familiar with the locations of these emergency posts.

ohcoolapotato 12

I grew up watching my family make ends meet living paycheck to paycheck. Our family was very frugal and I have a lot of “poor people habits”. We are much better now financially, but I’m more conscious than ever because I don’t want to be in the same place I was before financially.

That said, when it comes to your safety you should never be cheap/frugal! If you’re drunk and it’s late, sometimes it’s worth taking a cab just to make sure you get home safe (this is coming from one of the cheapest girls in the US, me). Your safety is much more important than a couple of dollars now— if you keep yourself alive you can earn much more than your cab fare later.

Stay safe out there gals!

ChewsOnBees 11

These are kind of silly and look dumb during the day, but wearing one when out after dark (and obviously not dressed super femininely) has certainly gotten me ignored by some rowdy cat-calling and all around 'creepy-vibes' guys before. It's dark enough, they see 'beard' and don't look too close.

funffunfundfunfzig 3

Hahahah! THIS IS BRILLIANT!

Aliciasuxxx 11

Also please please report suspicious people or if you’re being followed. It won’t hurt to do that. I hear of people who say they get deliberately followed in the grocery store but when I ask if they told anyone or called the police they said no. Maybe it’s a fluke or maybe there have been other reports of someone doing it. You can call a non-emergency line.

DinoDonkeyDoodle 10

Lotta great tips but here is an unconventional one: start lifting weights religiously for your entire body. It's amazing what a few pounds of extra strength can do to get you free of a potential attack.

GrangerHermione 10

If you're taking an Uber, don't give out too much personal info. If you're going out alone, make sure someone always knows where you're going. Always be alert. If a man/men whistle at you/make advances etc when you are alone on the street, don't respond - get out of there.

Always remember: kicking in the groin or pulling their balls will hurt a lot. Go for the eyes. Pull their hair hard. Kick hard in the shins. Also, apparently squeezing/pulling their nipples hard can be painful.

spearmintskies 5

I took a self-defense class as a child. It's been about 17 years now, and I still very clearly remember where I was told to hit and pull if someone tried to grab me. (Keep in mind this is more active fight, not deterring or prevention.)

If you can get a hold of their hands, pull apart their fingers, between the middle and index ones. It'll hurt, bad.

Hit them open-palm on their ears. Give em a real good whack. Not only will it hurt really bad, but if it's done hard enough, it can be disorienting. This can buy you time.

Groin/balls/shins, of course.

If you're gonna hit, use your elbows. They're harder and way less sensitive than your hands, and a little less grab-able, although you have to be closer to the person to do it.

If you can grab their mouth, hook your fingers into their cheek and pull apart, as hard as you can. This can tear their lips/cheeks/cause a bloody mess, but you won't be kidnapped or dead, so it's a win.

Pull their hair. Get a really good handful and yank as hard as possible.

The class covered a lot more than that, but those are what I remember clearest. Also, make as much noise as possible, and don't yell rape/help, yell fire/help. People respond to fire.

EmergencyKale 10

Keep your back to walls. Don't look at your phone. Keep your belongings in pants pockets or carry a purse that zips shut.

Walk with attitude; if you look shy or nervous, you're a target. I can't tell you the number of times that looking someone directly in the face and telling them calmly to "sir, kindly fuck off" and leaving has gotten people to back off. Being fidgety makes them think they've won because they've established dominance over you already. If someone puts their arm around you or something, just lean in real close and very calmly say "get the fuck away from me". If all else fails, start acting insane and make a giant scene. They'll leave immediately-too afraid of cops being called.

Don't open your car door until you are touching the handle, lock it immediately upon sitting down.

Most importantly NEVER NEVER NEVER look strangers in the eye! This is an invitation. Even Especially if someone is attempting to get you to look at them or trying to call out to you. Fight the instinct to look up. Walk everywhere looking straight ahead of you with a fast pace.

This one kind of sucks but it helps if you're willing; but if you're walking through a big city or on a bus or something, try to look "more like a man." Wear no makeup, have short hair/hide your hair in a beanie. Wear mens clothing. It works literal wonders. People bothered me 9000x more often if I looked "feminine".

I grew up in NYC lol

funffunfundfunfzig 3

“Sir, kindly fuck off” is my new favourite phrase.

EmergencyKale 2

It definitely shocks people for a second, which gives you time to escape haha

insideoutm 10

Pocket sand

roostergooseter 3

Sh-sh-sha!

Sorry, I'll see myself out.

donotpanic420 3

Thank you for this spot of sunshine on a rainy life

insideoutm

Ilusm

FrogInACupOfTea 10

Don't wear headphones, be attentive. Don't wear heels, you can't run or walk fast with them and they can be heard from far away, especially late at night when everything is quite.

Wisdometer 10

Always have a plan on how to kill or severely injure any strange, new person who approaches you... no matter how nice they might seem.

23fk 10

Carry a taser. The real one with the prongs, not a regular stun gun that you actually have to touch someone with. You can use the taser from a good distance away (15 ft). They are soooo easy to use too. It’s literally just a button where you slide the cover pack and press the button, and has a laser point for aim. Thank God I’ve never had to use mine, but it’s easy. But if you can and are comfortable with it, id carry a gun. I love shotguns and rifles, but I personally fumble around with handguns. If you carry one you have to know how to use it and be immediately ready to. You don’t want an attacker to take it and turn it on you. Pepper gel is another option. It’s like pepper spray but better. Easier to hit the target. Pepper sprays in general be careful with because if the wind blows right it could blow back at you. Also, aside from weaponry:

-always peek inside the car windows before getting in

-lock the doors as soon as you get in

-don’t walk around alone with headphones in your ears or staring at your phone (i used to walk a long ways to my car when i commuted to undergrad and not in the best neighborhood, so i would stay on the phone with my boyfriend because it was better than being completely alone, someone is not physically present, but is still present in a way - just make sure to continually be aware of your surroundings)

-pocketknives are not for self defense. He could have a bigger knife or a gun. Don’t bring a pocketknife to a gunfight

-walk like you have somewhere to be (briskly, not showing any attention to people you pass)

-avoid isolated parking garages, stairways, alleys, etc.

if in a store, park as close as you can to the door and preferably under a light and/or near a camera

-if someone tries to take your purse, don’t fight them over it. Throw the purse and run. Cards can be canceled later.

-avoid eye contact

-don’t walk around in high heels. If you wear them for work, change when you leave. Wear shoes you can run in

-get AAA or roadside assistance through your car insurance. If you ever break down first call police and then call roadside assistance. Tell both of them you are alone and feel unsafe. You will get taken care of quickly and do not accept help from any random person stopping to help you. Most people probably have good intentions (my fiancé and pretty much every man in my family will always stop to offer help) but you never know. unless you know them, just politely decline if offered.

-if you think someone is following you, duck into a populated area. If walking, pop into a Starbucks or whatever. Driving, don’t go home, pull into a fast food drive through or something. And you can always call the police if something is creeping you out

-don’t wear your hair in a ponytail, especially if it is long. Easier to grab.

-don’t park next to vans,. Especially creepy white pedo vans with no windows. If they park next to you, get in on the other side. Or go back in and wait until they leave

We may come off as rude or whatever,and I hate that, but it’s the world we live in unfortunately.

-don’t walk around alone with headphones in your ears or staring at your phone (i used to walk a long ways to my car when i commuted to undergrad and not in the best neighborhood, so i would stay on the phone with my boyfriend because it was better than being completely alone - just make sure t continually be aware of your surroundings)

sciencenurse 9

I always make sure to look under my car from a distance when walking toward my car in a parking lot. I check the backseat before getting in and lock the doors as soon as I’m inside. I also try my best to avoid parking lots at night in general. Also, never having in headphones when walking alone at night and looking around em and behind me often. There are also some apps to use that call the police if you let go of your phone for a certain amount of time

yermom79 9

Don't walk around with headphones in. And get a self defense keychain, I personally like the ones that look like a cat head with pointy ears. Guys say it's cute, I always respond "yeah till I throat punch you with it".

anneshu 8

I always look through the windows of my car to check that no ones hiding in the backseat, before I unlock and get in.

Ambrow10 8

I like jogging outside.

Scary men and crackheads don't like me jogging outside. (Or, worse, like it too much.)

I got two Belgian Malinois and trained them to be personal defense dogs. We run together and if anyone approaches they immediately wish they hadn't.

I realize this isn't a solution available to everyone and I'm super lucky to have these dogs, but it has seriously improved my quality of life and my freedom to be active outdoors without fear.

LittleWinn

Question how did you train your dogs?

Ambrow10

With a professional. I asked my vet for a recommendation for a trainer for general obedience and personal protection and they gave me a few numbers to call. It cost about $400 per dog per month to get me going and then I take the occasional $60 top up class to make sure they stay sharp. It took about 3 months for them to be more or less trained, but training is a continuous, constant process.

I am very lucky to be able to afford these dogs. I really feel so much safer with them and they're great companions.

LittleWinn

So what does it mean to say they are trained, what behaviors does that include? I’ve always been curious and hoped someday to be able to afford to do the same.

studyhardbree 8

So many tips on here already, a few I haven't seen and have learned from years of watching Unsolved Mysteries, Law and Order, Criminal Minds, life experience and college work:

​

- Always look in your car before you get inside. Never have so much junk in your car that you can't see space. This is especially important for people with large cars. ALWAYS look inside before you get in. There could be someone in there waiting.

​

- Always keep scissors in your car in arms length from both front seats (two in the backseats, even better). First, just be mindful to disclose to an officer if they pull you over. A lot of people keep scissors in their car in case they get into an accident and need to cut themselves out of the seatbelt. So this serves a double purpose - you also have a weapon if needed.

​

- When you get inside your car, lock your doors immediately. Also, do not sit in your car for long periods of time, especially in a public place. I did learn this from watching a show where a girl was kidnapped in her own car, broad daylight, in a Target parking lot.

​

- Anytime you leave your apartment or house, lock the door, or alarm it somehow. I know this sounds tedious, I know this sounds excessive, but not only do I see stories on Reddit, I've also personally experienced someone trying to open my door in an apartment complex, and them walking around the perimeter of the unit. A young woman on Reddit just posted the picture of her harasser who has been essentially stalking her for 4 years, banging on her doors while her husband is at work. A young woman in California left her door open while she was doing laundry, and her attacker let himself into her place and was there when she arrived.

​

- Smell is a huge instinctual indicator. This may sound discriminatory, but it's not. I'm not saying Old Spice means someone is going to attack you, but be mindful on public transit. I'm not sure what the reality was, but I will share this short experience. I was taking a Greyhound between cities, alone. My friend and I were together and we each took a bus home. I sat down, and this guy said, "Hey sweetie, is this seat taken?" Whatever, I'll let that slide, but the second he sat down, he smelled like the gutter. I am particularly sensitive to smell, and knew I would puke. He was trying to small talk, and I immediately recalled a tip from another Redditor in NYC who said a lot of prisoners have to take Greyhound. After I switched seats, the guy got off of the Greyhound. Why would he have left? Why didn't he have a bag? Why did he smell worse than anything I had ever smelled? I wonder if he was watching me beforehand, knowing I was alone.

​

- If you think someone is following you, confront them by speaking directly to them. Say, "The weather is nice out today," or something, that acknowledges that you have the ability to identify them. If someone is just trying to rob you or attack you, this may deter them.

​

- Always report anything you think you may see to the police.

​

bestofescher 8

My mom taught me when I was 11 to look angry because then people won't bother you as much.

Use your intuition!! If you have a bad feeling, listen to your gut. Your intuition is stronger than you think.

If someone tries to grab you - scream loud and fight dirty. Do not let an attacker get you in a second location - they have the advantage there.

Don’t let dates pick you up at your residence when you first meet them. Meet at a public place that you know - and, possibly a place where you know people who work there.

I am a really nice and friendly person. But when I’m walking alone or when I have someone approach me unexpectedly - I’m not nice. I will cut an asshole who approaches me. And, I make sure to walk and look like I will cut an asshole who approaches me.

mememelme 7

If you’re being attacked don’t scream help, scream fire. Screaming fire draws more attention from people making you more likely to be saved. Stay safe ladies.

funffunfundfunfzig 2

I hear this all the time. Is it true? Like is there anything that backs this up other than it’s just what we’ve always been told?

mememelme 3

I think it’s a diffusion of responsibility, my psychology teacher told us that most people are concerned with their own lives, so by screaming fire you’re involving them also which is why you’re more likely to get help. “Diffusion of Responsibility: The phenomenon in which someone witnessing a problem is less likely to take action when others are present because they assume that others are taking on the responsibility”

funffunfundfunfzig 1

It makes sense. I guess for me, if I heard someone yelling “fire” I would have the opposite reaction. Like “I don’t know anything about fires, how could I possible help?”.

But if I heard a woman screaming help, I’d probably instinctively run towards her.

sleepytirdsloth79 6

I carry a knife and if someone looks at me as bait (cause we all know the look) I take it out, play with it and look at them with a smile. Sounds creepy I know but guess what .. it's worked. Yes this include walking down a street by myself late at night. I've literally stopped followed them and done that. For some reason crazy knows crazier.

BbyLemonade 6

I definitely agree with the comments about walking like you’re 5 minutes late and annoyed about it. If a man is walking behind me at night and it makes me uncomfortable, I’ve turned around to look at them. Either to give them a warning that they’re walking too close and making me uncomfortable, or to deter them from doing anything because now I have a positive ID. I’ve had dudes apologize before, and one make a big fuss that I thought he was a predator. I just responded loudly (but confidently) “I don’t know you and you’re walking too close to me and I don’t like it,” then crossed the street. I think in general just keeping your head on a swivel and looking mean/confident/you’ve got places to be and shit to do can help. If I’m ever lost in a new city, I try not to show it and duck in somewhere to check my maps. Get loud if you have to in a dire situation. Never mess around with your phone or blast headphones (or just wear one ear bud) and if ever in doubt or someone is making you uncomfortable, find the nearest woman and buddy up. Even if it’s a group of high school girls. They WILL shelter you and I found in one really scary incident it made the guy back off. I’ve also been cautioned that ponytails can be really easy to grab and get a good hold of so I avoid it sometimes depending on the situation.

funffunfundfunfzig 2

Yes! I also turn and look at them.

0O00OO0O000O 6

Always exude confidence.

Walking through a sketchy part of town? Act like you know exactly where you're going and you've been there a million times with no problem.

Going to an unfamiliar location? Same thing - act natural and even appear bored so the people around you won't notice that you don't belong.

Feeling uneasy about the creepy dudes riding the subway with you? Don't let them see your fear. Use your facial expressions and body language to tell them that you are not someone to be fucked with.

MyNameIsLucyAndImA 6

I try and plan where I'm going and when so I don't get lost or end up having to hang around somewhere. I'll take a longer route rather than a sketchy one if I need to. I'm obsessive about my bag in crowds as pickpockets are so good at what they do. I never wear headphones when I'm out and about. I try not to be alone if I've been drinking, like I'll call a taxi rather than take a 5 min walk. I listen to my instincts and feelings.

The main thing for me is that if I'm alone or feel unsafe I don't give a fuck about "being rude" or "offending people". Ask me for the time? I don't have anything on me to tell the time and keep moving. Trying to get my attention? Ignore and leave. Call me rude? Yeah I don't care.

I think when I was younger I got in some weird situations because I didn't feel brave enough to just tell someone to fuck off. I'd never do it now to get into an argument but if you're being sketchy and I've got a bad feeling about you I'm not bothered if you're offended.

The main thing for me is that if I'm alone or feel unsafe I don't give a fuck about "being rude" or "offending people". Ask me for the time? I don't have anything on me to tell the time and keep moving. Trying to get my attention? Ignore and leave. Call me a rude bitch? Yeah I don't care.

immobilyzed 6

This has been said several times, but do not make yourself look lost or approachable- throw your RBF on and act like you have better shit to do than engage in conversation. If you need to check Google Maps or something, walk into a store.

ernmhly 6

RBF, look at everyone like they've annoyed you just by being there. If me and my one year old daughter are at a store alone no one comes up to talk to us or compliment her, not even little old ladies who love babies. If my 6'2, 200 something lb fiance is out with her people stop and tell him how cute she is and have a conversation about her. If we're out together they might wave at her or pay a quick compliment, but my face says move on and they do.
Also don't accept men's compliments with a thank you. An "I know" with a why are you talking to me look moves them along.
Don't worry too much about what can happen. I'm not saying don't have a plan or be aware, but fear shows. Walk like you own the place.

RunninJustIncase 6

If you ever find yourself in an uncomfortable position with someone and they’re trying to force something sexual on you: stick your finger down your throat and puke, and/or crap on yourself. These usually turn anyone off.

groceryenthusiast 3

Honestly an unconventional yet good idea. I have heard of people saying to pee your pants of someone is trying to kidnap or do something sexual to you, but the making yourself puke is a new one

mememelme 6

Also, if you ever find yourself in the situation where someone is in the backseat of your car, floor it. Literally just floor it. The air bag should protect you especially if you have a seat belt on but the person in the back will fly out the window.

tlvanc1l 6

STOP being polite to creeps. Period. You are not required to return a smile or nod or wave. Fuck that. If they're bothering you tell them to get lost and do it loud.

Crash into whatever is public if you're in a car being threatened. Causes a scene.

Don't go anywhere with anyone if they threaten you. Just make a scene and refuse to go.

Aturom 5

Buy a firearm and practice

LearyTraveler 5

Honestly the best advice I ever received was from the military: Always be aware of your surroundings.

When I'm walking alone I do 360 degree perimeter checks every 90 seconds to keep an eye out for suspicious people or things to be wary of. For example, if I see a junkie on the sidewalk or people sorting stolen goods out of their car, I'll automatically cross the street and check my perimeter afterwards to make sure they're not following me.

ditzydaintycreature

Hashtag situational awareness

needsunshine 5

If someone's staring inappropriately, following you a little too closely, invading you in a way we all know but can't necessarily articulate, confront the fuck out of them, directly, loudly, and not politely: "Can I help you with something?" Or "is there a reason you're staring at me/on my heels/whatever" Obviously confrontation isn't always the best idea but in those cases where someone is sizing you up or even just being passively inappropriate, especially if you're in a place where other people can hear you, I've found that calling them out like this makes them back down immediately. It also calls others' attention to them.

wheresmybananastaken 5

Was once walking in a new city for the first time and a stranger asked me for directions. As I was about to inform him I was not familiar with the area, my aunt interrupted me- giving him the directions. After he walked away I asked her how she knew where that was, as it was her first time in the city too.. she said she didn’t- she made it up. Never admit that you don’t know where you are.

gingergirly89 5

Be aware at all times, walk with your head up and notice people, let it be obvious that you are noticing people - make eye contact, carry a knife or pepper spray.

I work in security, have been trained and am experienced

I've been attacked and the pepper spray made most of the difference

ValiantArp 5

An old trick for taking a ride from someone you don’t know well: keep something made of paper in one hand (a map, a brochure, a bunch of napkins, whatever) and a lighter in your pocket. If they start taking you somewhere you don’t want to go, light the paper on fire and throw it in the back seat. They’ll have to stop to deal with the fire, and you can make a break for it.

thatMARISSA 5

Basic keys between fingers when walking at night

dandegoat 36

Don't do this. Punching someone with keys between your fingers will rip the webbing between your fingers and you will bleed too much to hold on to the keys. Instead, hold the longest key in your fist overhand and use it to stab someone if needed.

But typically if you are not a trained fighter it's safer overall to run and yell than to try to fight back in any situation. Only if you are rendered incapable of escape do you begin to use weapons, especially if your attacker is larger than you. Any weapon you have is a weapon that can be taken from you and used against you.

onlooks 2

this. and another way to repel some of the troublemakers was, for me, to wear fingerless leather gloves, and if somebody got a bit too close, just casually move my hands so the gloves were in plain sight... trust me, nobody wants to be punched with leather, especially if it's wet (water, spit...).

-humble-opinion- 1

When fighting someone larger, if you have a knife out, keep it at your hip with your arm glued to your side. Thrust into them with your hips, arm and blade as one. You are vulnerable when your arm leaves your body so resist the urge to stab or slice them in the traditional sense.

PuzzleheadedNorth 19

I've read on here before that it's more effective/safer to bunch all of your keys up into one big sharp object rather than lacing them between your fingers. Someone said that in case of emergency and you actually have to use them, bunching them up is less likely to hurt you and harm the other person instead. I've started doing this and it feels much more natural.

-humble-opinion- 1

Punching with keys in your hands sounds super painful any way you slice it. They are probably going to slide around and mess up your hand, no? Has anyone actually tried this? If unarmed, I feel like traditional dirty fighting is more practical.

funffunfundfunfzig 5

This isn’t so much street safety, but house/front door safety:

just use an initial (not your full name) for buzzers/mailboxes. It keeps your gender a secret from strangers.

in university I brought a pair of my dad’s giant, well used work boots and left them outside my door. It makes it seem like the owner of those big boots lives there or could be there.

pansycakes 5

New to this thread but if it hasn't been mentioned already - check out The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker! Its an amazing book. A good friend of mine has had all his daughters read this book before any first dates.
It goes into a lot of detail about how to trust your instincts and intuition, and why fear is a warning sign that is meant to teach us and help us survive. A lot of these street smarts are just being aware of your surroundings, like many have shared. Small behavioral cues give away big hints about your safety, and what will predictably happen to you in the future. Really interesting read for those interested in this subject!

SouthernYankeeWitch 5

Take off your fucking headphones.

Oh my gods. When I was in New York and Bed Stuy was gentrifying I kept seeing all the new white girls running at night with their headphones on.

TAKE YOUR FUCKING HEADPHONES OFF.

Hearing what's going on around you is kind of a little important.

peachypeach45 5

I carry a pocket knife and teaser at all times. Stay off of dark streets alone at night. Stay away from big crowds of men. Don't go to bars alone.

savagewinchester 4

My SO lives downtown near train tracks so I encounter more than my fair share of homeless people and many of them are not friendly. Wear your best “don’t fuck with me face”, seriously this has probably saved my life. Also raise your voice, don’t afraid to be mean or rude.

sasquatch_pants 4

Always be aware of your surroundings, have pepper spray and a knife with you. When walking to your car, if the street isn't that busy, walk on the road not the side walk. My grandma taught me that one, she grew up in the city saying people would hide in alley ways waiting to grab someone. Check underneath your car before getting in and the back seat when you do get in. And once you are in lock your car. Always keep money in your pocket so you don't have to pull out your wallet (someone can snatch and run)

If you are being followed, you can do 2 things
1) turn and around and straight up stare at them (had this once and it worked) they turned around and walked away

OR
2) Get on your phone with someone who lives near by and give out clear discrimination of the person so they can hear you.

I had to walk a few blocks at night for an appointment in a somewhat not very safe part of a city. I wrapped my scarf like a hijab so I would be seen as a Minority (I'm white with blonde hair, I'm a target in the wrong areas)

darbyisadoll 4

I haven’t seen this one- but I have a big mean sounding dog that goes jogging with me.

hermionejean1 4

Always walk with purpose. Don’t look distracted. Don’t text while you walk or dawdle or daydream. Look like someone who would put up a fight.

Also, get a big dog.

meini10 4

If at a club/bar, bring your drink with you to the restroom when you have to go. Also make sure friends ur with do this.

wavesofrye 4

II’ve lived in a big city my entire life (one of the top 5 biggest in NA) and I’ve barely been bothered on the streets, so I feel like my tips are pretty solid.

Always have a resting “bitch” face, don’t make eye contact with anyone, don’t engage in conversation with drunk/sketchy people, walk with a purpose and with your shoulders back, do not react if anyone yells/tries to talk to you and continues to while you walk away, always look behind your shoulder every few minutes (especially when it’s very late), avoid areas with little lighting, if you’re taking the subway always get in the conductor car.

mangarooboo 4

I carry a small knife with me if I'm going somewhere unfamiliar. It makes me feel less vulnerable, plus sometimes it comes in handy if I need to use it for something like cutting open a box.

I also have a rain jacket that has a zipped pocket on the wrist. I wear that or my winter coat that has a zipped breast pocket and keep my phone and wallet on the direct front of my body.

I don't wear headphones unless my back is to a wall and I'm in a safe place. When I go to New York City, for example, i only wear headphones on the train going in, never while I'm walking.

I walk with purpose and don't meander or gawk. If I realize I'm going the wrong way I'll turn around as soon as I realize it. It's awkward, but I don't like wasting time or looking unsure when I'm by myself.

If I have to stop, I put my back to a wall and I try to listen carefully and look around me as much as I can. I don't have natural resting bitch face but I can look intimidating if I consciously think about it.

If I drive, I put everything valuable completely out of sight. I don't leave backpacks or bags with stuff in them (even if it's empty or full of trash) in view. I'll either disguise the stuff as a pile of clothes or pile of plastic bags, or I carry it with me or dispose of it.

I keep my head up and look far ahead of me as well as directly in front of me. If I need to stop, I go into a well-lit corporate store like a Walgreens and make sure I can see at least two cameras before I let my guard down.

If I bring a purse, and it can't go across my body, I wear it on my shoulder and hold the purse with that hand. If it can go across my body, I'll put that arm's hand in my pocket and hold the fabric to prevent snatches.

If I'm somewhere like at a show or a movie theater or something by myself, I'll put my stuff on the ground and hold onto it tightly with my feet. I avoid putting it directly under my chair in case I lose track of some, plus it's uncomfortable to have my feet below me squeezing something.

I put nothing in my back pockets.

I carry an engraved money clip with $50 in it to fend off kidnappers.

If I'm meeting someone for the first time, I tell at least two people where I am and I meet them away from my home. If I can, I meet them somewhere that I know very well, in an area I'm very familiar with. I meet in a public place, drive myself, park nearby, and check in with whoever my "spotter" is after 45-60 minutes.

If someone approaches me, I move my body to be more visible to others, I stare them down, I ask them what they want - loudly - or I move in a way they might not expect (like towards them) to throw them off and show them that I'm not an easy mark.

I don't wait for people or allow big herds to slow me down. If it's super crowded, I duck and weave or shove past people while yelling "excuse me!" at them. I dunno if it's a thing or not but I've decided that sometimes people slow foot traffic down on purpose to trap people. I don't go slow when I walk. I power walk to get to a secure area faster and to deter people from following me lol

I have some slight paranoid tendencies, especially when I get stressed or anxious, and usually I can ignore the "!!!!!!!danger!!!!!!!" alarms that my brain sends out in those times, but if I'm going to be going somewhere by myself, I welcome it. So far it's worked pretty well for me. I got lost in Manhattan once and a guy approached me for ?reasons? and I thought he was aiming for the trash can behind me. I looked him up and down then moved quickly and he walked away. A guy who saw me do it said "YOU LOOK LIKE YOU BOUT TO FUCK HIM UP!", and that was one of my proudest moments as someone who isn't very accustomed to being in the city.

vanbrima 4

I walk confidently down the street like I’m not one bit afraid. They look for weakness so don’t show any. I look everyone in the eye, but remain polite. I also keep my hand in my jacket pocket so they aren’t sure if I’m packing.

goog1e 4

Baltimore-specific possibly, but if someone is coming toward you, make eye contact and half-nod. It's a respect/I'm aware thing. If they say hello, say hey but neither of you will turn or slow your walking pace. I assume this practice grew out of the quasi-neighborhood-watch dynamic in the bad neighborhoods. If you are somewhere you stick out, someone will approach you. In that case stop. If it's an adult, they just want to know why you are there (and it's probably their turf), so be polite.

cleverever 2

Lol I cant tell if this one is a joke or just shit advice? If someone tries to stop you dont stop. Definitely dont be polite. You owe them nothing.

lolwuuut 4

If I'm driving and it looks like a car is following me, I always drive around in circles and go to stores, gas stations, anywhere but home.

I guess I should back up and say "pay attention to your surroundings"

japaneseknotweed 4

Know where you're going. Memorize the directions so you don't have to stop and check your phone. If you do have to check your phone, keep walking with attitude, don't stand still and look confused. Use street view to learn landmarks for turns.

Have a response ready. Sometimes ignoring doesn't work. "Hey, I have places to be, you've got your own stuff to deal with, we don't need to get into it with each other, let's just move on" -- or whatever you think you can deliver with conviction. Practice saying your line until it comes out strong and steady.

misanthropicsatirica 3

Travel light, comfortable shoes, non restrictive clothing and look vigilant. Most times they pick the easiest target. Also, I'm 5'8" and 170lbs and black so that may have something to do with it... However, I never get lost in my phone or wear earbuds when I'm out and about especially when alone.

kelleymonster18 3

I used to teach self defense in college. Many women carry around pepper spray but don't know how to use it. Like any weapon, you need to practice. It's not always a spray like an aerosol, sometimes it's more of a directed stream. And you need to be sure that you won't spray yourself or get it in your face too. My advice is to practice with it. Go outside when it isn't windy, wear goggles and a face mask if you have one, wear long sleeves and long pants and put these clothes in the washer when you're done and get in the shower. To practice, print out a target and just familiarize yourself with taking out and aiming the pepper spray.

-humble-opinion- 3

All pepper spray I have used comes out in a stream. Walking home late nights, part of my entertainment was target practicing on trees.

You and your clothing will be fine. Just don't touch your eyes. Nail biting may also be spicy for the next few days.

Happy practicing!

alliecomma 3

Take a self defense class.

Get off phone when you're walking.

Always know what you'd do if someone tried to harm you (eg., "if someone grabs my ponytail, I'll kick them in the nuts" and practice it).

Don't rely on a weapon that you can't access within a second. (I keep my pepper spray in my pocket and I keep my hand physically on it when I walk. If I can't get it out and spray it in a couple seconds, it's useless).

frau-fremdschamen 3

Don’t be afraid to be rude, and don’t be afraid to look crazy. I think a lot of women (at least in Southern US culture, which is where I’m from) have it really ingrained that we owe everyone politeness, a smile, etc and should always be composed. But screw that. Ignore people. Say “no” without the “thank you”. Keep your RBF on 24/7. Look pissed off and like someone you wouldn’t even want to ask for the time. And if some dude keeps bugging you after you told him to leave you alone, just lay into him. Lose your shit. Get so angry you puke on him. Make yourself the most unattractive, volatile, unpredictable and difficult target possible. I grew up in a small town and didn’t learn all of this until I moved to the city had a few hard and terrifying lessons.

Duram8r 3

Always be aware of the exits when you go out to a club, theater, show, etc. When being seated at a restaurant, choose the seat with the best vantage and view of the exits or one where people can’t walk up behind you.

BeccitaLocke 3

Please check your surroundings at shopping centers! I watched a crime thing of a camera catching someone running up to a woman right as she got into the car. That changed the way I leave shopping centers even in the daytime. I’m constantly looking around while getting close to my car. At night, a simple text to someone letting them know “I’m leaving place B now” and when you’re home safely.

4dog_ball_is_life 3

I learned when someone who looks or makes you feel suspicious, if you hold your head up look at them and even acknowledge there presence it completely catches them off guard and shows you are NOT an easy target. If they are actually harassing you make a scene and never be afraid to ask others for help.

Outtacreativitea 3

FYI, I pepper sprayed myself once to see how it was (I know, I know, weird). Lesson learned was that while it hurts like hell it IS NOT incapacitating. The spray will buy you a second or two, but don’t count on more than that. Run.

Also, when I get molested on public transportation (yeah, this has happened numerous times) I’ve learned to look the person in the eye and say very loudly “Stop touching my boob” or “Put your dick away” or whatever is needed. Somehow the specificity gets more attention from other people than a generic “Stop it” or “Stop touching me.”

Red8600 3

This article has some good tips.
Also don’t hold your keys like your wolverine, you can hurt yourself worse than your attacker. The article shows a better method of how to hold/use your keys.

supermodel-robot 3

i read somewhere once that wearing your hair in a ponytail made it easier for a perpetrator to grab you from behind and drag you off somewhere. i have no idea how often being grabbed by the ponytail happens but i guess it makes sense

KLooma 3

So, I don't remember where I read this article, but basically, there was a study conducted on violent offenders and the interviewer asked criminals in prison what they specifically looked for when locating a target. Although I don't remember all of the details, I'll try to outline what I remember:

Always lock your car the moment you get in.

Apparently women are statistically more likely to get into their car and sit for a while before taking off (checking phone, adjusting makeup, talking with passengers). Criminals specifically target women in parking lots who don't lock their car doors.

Violent offenders look for women wearing a pony tail or bun.

From what I remember, this was one of the big things that was discussed. Pony tails and buns give the criminal an opportunity to grab their target easily in a way which makes it difficult for the woman to fight back.

Distractions and the 7 second rule

I read that several women put in their headphones to tune out antagonistic morons - but this is not necessarily a safe bet since predators look for women who are distracted and not fully aware of their surroundings. I read something somewhere which indicated that a predator chooses their prey in only 7 seconds. In addition to this, they obviously look for targets that appear weak or they feel are easy to take over.

Abductions are becoming more prominent by use of car

Apparently, there is a growing trend of abductors who will pull up beside their target unexpectedly and the victim will be dragged into the car by multiple people. This entire action takes only a mere amount of seconds and before the victim knows it they are in an inescapable situation. This is especially important to remember if you have children who play on the street or ride their bike around the community locally.

Maybe these tips will help other fellow women. Please be safe out there everyone!

Editing to add: Another pro-tip if you are in a seemingly desperate situation - just start acting bat shit crazy. Start screaming and kicking and making a horrendous scene. If nothing else, you'll make the potential predator rethink making you their target.

AggravatingPeach9 3

Do not make eye contact with strangers

MyDentistIsACat 3

My favorite mall in my area is notorious for women/moms getting mugged, especially during the holiday season. I get my stuff ready (consolidate bags, put son’s stuff in diaper bags, get keys out, throw away trash) before I exit into the parking garage and walk down the middle of the aisle. I just make sure I’m very aware of my surroundings. I try to either park near the entrance or in a spot with some space around it.

soberpen 3

Perfect RBF. You know that thing Ice Cube does with his eyebrows? Learn it.
Look up when you walk.

Most importantly, trust your gut.

salamandaaa 3

I find body language extremely important. Stand/sit square with your shoulders back and head tall. This gives the illusion of confidence and makes you look bigger than you actually are. If you’re standing, make sure your feet are shoulder width apart. This, as opposed to standing with legs twisted for instance, makes you look confident but also quite literally balances you if you get pushed or shoved. Basically I’ve found that appearing confident and like I “own” the space that I’m in has resulted in me never having issues! :)

Meaning that cause you're waiting on someone, it'll be very obvious you've been kidnapped if you're not found where you were left. I really don't know how I look like I'm waiting for someone. But I just thought it was a interesting thing to mention.

Rosquita 3

Aways notice who's watching you, because people always will be at some point. Don't dwell on the reason why, just find a way to get away from those people as soon as you notice them.

iambluewonder 3

One more thing I've noticed especially where I grew up is that girls and younger women tend to hold something in front of their chest - like a folder - this is a very submissive body language and shows that you're uncomfortable and scared. NEVER do this.

Sweetlittle66 3

Something I didn't appreciate until I started cycling to work is that unless you're in a very dark, remote area, you don't have much risk of being followed/attacked. I cycle alone through a somewhat 'rough' area of town in the dark every night with no problems (apart from the bad driving).

MeggieAC 3

I love all of these and everyone looking out for each other but goddam, I hate that we as women have to do this. When was the last time a man had to worry about walking near a door at night? Ugh.

damselondrums 3

Walking with an attitude has kept me almost completely unbothered by people. I was surprised; I grew up in a small town and used that face to keep my classmates from picking on me. I moved to a small-medium city after college and had to park blocks away from my apartment for some night shifts. Keep that RBF on and don't meet anyone's eyes.

I also carry a pocket knife when I know I'll be by myself after sunset. Never had to use it, though, other than to open packages.

PM_PICS_OF_GOOD_BOIS 3

Some things I do are locking my car as soon as I get in (locking the door is the first thing before buckling) and then always having keys ready in case I have to use them as a weapon

Otherwise I normally dress like a frumpy guy so I fly under radars constantly. I tend to go to the grocery store in the dead of night but otherwise I drink alone and don't go out often so I'm very limited in my exposure to bad people and that's what got me through my 20's

I never answer unknown numbers, and I never answer the door ever unless I go to the balcony and can see if it's for mail or verify that it's both someone I know and invited over. I'm huge about online privacy and security since I firmly believe the greatest risks in 2018 will revolve around data, accounts, and personal information (bad people stalk strangers they find online now! Never announce your address). I don't even have a Facebook and update passwords once a year

lemonfluff 3

Obvious stuff like no headphones, carry a bag or unbrella or something, keys in hands, shout fire instead of rape etc.

But one thing I do that I rarely see is I watch the shadows. If I am in a place where my shadow is appearing in front of me and I know there is someone behind me somewhere, I can watch the shadow by my feet and if they come behind me their shadow will appear first. Only works if the light is such that the shadow appears in front of you ofc. Stops you peering behind you constantly.

sh6rty13 3

I NEVER mess with my phone on the way to my car or into a building. In addition, I always take time to glance around and be aware of my environment.

based_Valkyrie 3

You don’t have to be polite to people. You don’t have to talk about yourself. You don’t owe anyone anything. Sometimes the worst people can seem the nicest. Be careful who you trust.

asdfjlk556 3

When going inside an enclosed area, always make a mental note of where the exit is and periodically look around to see who else is around you.

If you’re sitting alone in a restaurant or cafe, get a seat with a view of the exit.

When you enter a lift with someone already in it or if someone's entering the lift with you, and you're unsure if you'd be safe, take a good look at them. If they're checking you out, stare maliciously back at them. If they're not doing anything to harm you at least you'd know how they look like in case they harm you.

mac9426 3

I don’t do it too often but I live in a big city so if I know I’m going to be out for an extended time by myself, I bring my knife. It’s just a 4 inch switch blade I bought from a sporting good store and luckily I haven’t had to use it yet. If I’m walking in an unfamiliar neighborhood or have to go down an alley, I keep it in my hand with my thumb on the switch. Tbh, the thing that has made me feel safest is moving to a historically gay neighborhood. The guys there aren’t creepy and I’m not even their type!

gimmeacoffeebreak 3

Carry a travel size hairspray in your pocket if pepper spray is illegal where you live. Even walking alone at night, keep your hand wrapped around it. Works just as well as pepper spray. Just last month I immobilized a perverted piece of shit who dared to put his hand on my shoulder and say dirty and degrading things to me with hairspray. I keep one in every single jacket pocket and purse.

theChristinaStory 3

I walk with the meanest, bitchest look on my face and swing my keys on my lanyard, giving me about 2 feet of “personal space.” For me, it’s all about posture—it’s like Charlize Theron says: “Shoulders back, spine straight, and just think “murder”

wendyclear86 2

If I was meeting people from dating apps always made sure it was before a certain time. No way am I meeting your ass at midnight in some place I’ve never been. I also messaged 1-3 friends with names, phone numbers, and location of where I was going. If I didn’t text them all by a certain time letting them know I got home they knew something would happen.
Try to have a buddy when out drinking. And I know we get a lot of shit for going to the bathroom in groups, but I’ve been followed to the bathroom by drunk men.

alainamazingbetch 2

Be vigilant always. Do not walk down deserted side streets, stick to the main well lit paths and areas with high traffic. If traveling alone I always have a stun gun in my purse / attached to my keys when walking to and from the car. Wear cross body purses and never never never leave doors/windows unlocked, property unattended or look like you are lost. Show no weakness, take no shit, know where you are going and have a plan.

RealHausFrau 2

If you are being approached near your car, activate the alarm to bring attention to you.

NikkiNothing597 2

Intentional resting bitch face. Probably not helpful for assault situations, but it fends off a lot of casual harrassment

belladonnaisinmybag 2

I carry a flip knife in my right hand whenever I walk alone and get in and out of my car in parking lots. I carry it in my purse or my boot when I’m with people. And I keep it sharp.

boqolnicks 2

Make sure your phone is always charged and carry a portable charger for when you can't find a socket.

supremekelvan 2

I like to carry around pepper spray and a mallet in my purse. After you smack them with the pepper you can to town with the mallet

funffunfundfunfzig 2

When travelling alone, sit next to/with a family, or really any larger group travelling together. It’s not clear if you’re part of that group or if they know you and makes you safer.

fivepuppies 2

When walking downtown or in a new city (especially at night), I always make sure to walk further away from the buildings and closer to the street just incase there is someone waiting in an alleyway or between buildings. Sometimes a couple feet or an extra few seconds is enough time for instincts to asses and react to a potentially dangerous situation. That was advice from my dad before I traveled alone, and I've used it to my benefit on numerous occasions.

Thomzzz 2

If walking alone on a secluded or otherwise not busy street at night, walk in the middle of the road.

[deleted] 2

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kaeorin 1

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Ponytails are a really easy thing for an attacker to grab. Be aware of this. Wear your hood up or put your hair down especially if walking late at night.

PantySlug 2

.45 revolver. I dare somebody

ActualTrashPanda614 2

If you're going to carry something for self defense, weather that be a knife, pepper spray, one of those car key chains, a stun gun or an actual gun, practice with it. Practice pulling your knife out, so that if you have to do it in the moment you can do so effectively. Make sure you can get your hand on your pepper spray and your finger on the button. Make sure your keychain isn't so clogged with other stuff you can get your hands in your kitty keychain. If you choose to carry a stun gun, make sure you get a model that has to have a pin attached so your potential attacker can't use it against you. If you choose to carry, take a class, and get a membership at a local range. Practice with your pistol regularly. Also, obviously, make sure you're practicing gun safety at home with trigger locks and safes and whatnot.

It does no good to carry a weapon if you aren't comfortable with it.

toolsoftheincomptnt 2

Do not wear headphones when alone. My good friend was snuck upon by someone who followed her to her door unbeknownst to her. A neighbor saved her from the attack and later told her he watched the guy follow her for a while before he knew he needed to come and intervene.

Err on the side of rudeness. I’d rather be considered rude by a socially-awkward/misunderstood person than attacked by a predator.

Stay on the busy, crowded paths.

Once you feel like someone is following you, make a call right then. You’re not distracted bc the follower has been detected. Describe exactly where you are and what you see to whomever you called. That way, if you end up taken away, someone can tell police where you were last and what the suspect/car looked like.

If you’re already in trouble, be as loud as possible. Fight like hell. If I’m threatened with death for making noise or fighting back, I’m going to bet that person will kill me anyway, so I’ll take my chances.

I know it’s strange logic, but a lot of times, criminals are taking a chance on a soft target. They want to take something from you, but they know that murder is a lot harder to beat than the other crimes.

So if you’re a pain in the ass, they might beat the shit out if you, but they might also give up. In the meantime, get their dna under your nails and leave some of yours on them. Spit, bite, whatever.

cashewwater 2

The fact that I'm a 19 year old girl scrolling all the way to the bottom, reading every single comment because I genuinely need these tips is so sad.

I walk around butt naked with my pussy out, thrusting it at potential attackers, you cant attack me if I attack first.

spacehusband 1

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shplootle 2

A few things I always do are carry pepper spray very obviously, and I always check my car before I get into it. I also never listen to music or anything while walking around.

jay2290 2

I throat punch everyone that walks past me. Just to be safe.

nubeviajera 2

After living in a large Latin American City- If walking at night and not many people are around, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, you can see around street corners more quickly and it is harder for someone to push you up against a building wall, you can always run out onto the street. Also don't let your guard down even if it's daylight outside, if there are no people around, there is no one to help you.

Situational awareness is always the number one rule to avoid situations or people before you are forced into a confrontation.

LadyWhoLovesKFC_93 2

No way would I ever be called street smart, but I take some precautions every time. Wherever I go, I try to remember landmarks and directions. I have to make an active effort to do so, as I'm pretty bad at it.

I learned how to read maps (and keep paper ones in my handbag), but always keep my phone fully charged; it's a lot easier to use Google Maps than use a paper map.

Since I'm scare easy, I prefer moving around with another person, at least. Not always feasible, but considerably less risky.

Superbadsin8998 2

Always have your own transportation money

panickyyy 2

Going home by myself in downtown Portland as a teen during high school days was fun. There were a few times I sent my mom a text letting her know what was going on and to meet me at the transit stop near our house because I wasn’t comfortable with what was going on.

Turn your headphones down or off. Be aware of your surroundings. Stand next to a group of people and try to “blend in”. Go into the nearest business and wait or let someone know what’s going on. There’s a couple apps, I’m not sure how credible they are, that notify the police if you can’t immediately call. If you’re not comfortable walking to your car alone ask an employee/security if they can walk you out. Put your keys in between your fingers with the points sticking out if you have to defend yourself, pull out a pen or pencil, or even a nail file. I have a letter opener on my keys that looks like just a normal house key.

spearmintskies 2

I've actually been told not to hold my keys between my fingers like you mentioned. I know a lot of people hold them between their fingers like brass knuckles, but you have way less stability and leverage if you had to use them that way. Give it a try with your keys (gently) against the palm of your hand or something. Most likely, they'll just sort of flip down.

Instead, I've been told to hold my largest key firmly between my thumb and index finger, as if I'm unlocking my front door. This gives you more strength, stability, and leverage if you needed to say, stab someone in self-defense. Your thumb and index finger are far stronger than in between your non-dominant fingers.

mallykv 2

Working out but mostly looking at MFs like wtFFFFF are you gonna do?

moonie121 2

Fox Labs stream pepper spray in 5.3 million SHU. Has saved me before but you have to leave right away after spraying it or risk inhaling it yourself.

Ponytails are easy to grab by potential attackers when you're out alone at night.

Have a big tall man friend of yours walk with you if you can.

petcgirl 2

The biggest one I keep is that iPhones will give you the option to call emergency services if you press the power button rapidly 5 times. You do have the option to cancel it, and it does make noise, but I bet if you had headphones in, it would go to the earbuds as opposed to direct audio.

StarKistBumbleBTuna 2

Not a woman but check out O.O.D.A loop. I recommend it to everyone. Observe, Orient, Decide, Act.

crinnaursa 2

I carry an umbrella most places. Rain in the winter sun in the summer. The even make tactical umbrellas

Keys on a carribean clip keychain can be used as makeshift bra knuckles in a hurry. Especially useful if you have to sleep in a car or on the street.

seeseecinnamon 2

When you're out alone, don't trust anyone. Always be aware of your surroundings by scanning the area. Be sure you're aware of who is around and an escape route. Always walk with confidence and be prepared to punch someone in the throat.

mj-supertramp 2

If someone is making you uncomfortable throw feces at them. This will prevent most attacks

jroxy99 2

might seem crazy but i’ve been attacked before so i carry a knife in my purse at all times. never used it thankfully but it’s the thought that’s it’s there

youcantunfrythings 2

Let’s say a guy pulls a knife to mug you. What do you do? You go fumbling for your wallet and you go fumbling for your wallet. Well, in that split second, that’s when he’s gonna stab you. So here’s what you do. You kids get yourselves a money clip. You can get these at any haberdashery. You put a $50 dollar in the money clip. Then, when a guy flashes a blade, you go, “You want my money? Go get it!” Then you run the other direction.

Street smarts!

Doyouevenpedal 2

Take a krav maga self defense class.

ItSmellsLikeRain2day 2

Not a woman but you should consult detective J. J. Bittenbinder.

STREET SMARTS

groceryenthusiast 2

Got my money clip READY son

LatterDayNinja 1

Searched these comments for 10 minutes looking for this. Thank you.

ItSmellsLikeRain2day 2

The lack of upvotes and Mulaney references threw me off my rhythm as well.

clamchauder 2

If you are lost and need to look up the directions, walk confidently into the nearest coffee shop/convenience store, sit down and discreetly look it up there.

lunda01 2

Brutus the best self defense tool ever...

jupiterxsun 2

Walk with confidence. Do not look at the ground. Give yourself resting bitchface.

CanaDeLino 2

wear men clothes almost all the time and the granny makeup made it for me all these years after bad experiences...

Wildernessinabox 2

Honestly just being aware, not having both headphones in at the same time. The rest is gut feeling and logic. Walk like you know where you are going and not fidgeting, people who are predatory pick up on stuff like that and someone who looks and acts nervous is a prime target.

egopolypus 2

Always have an extra set of dollars for public transportation if you feel unsafe in the bus you are in and need a way out) to get off and get into another bus).

Someone was being creepy with me on a bus, I immediately got off along with a group of people and waited on that stop to get into another bus. Good thing I had cash still in hand to get into that other bus.

funffunfundfunfzig 2

I took a bit of Krav Maga (which is amazing and I highly recommend it, it’s a self-defense system that helps to to protect you from attacks from like knives and bottles and bayonets).

At the end of every class, the whole class “attacks” one person. So lwe’re talking you have 25 people (95% men) trying to “beat you up” with mats. It’s terrifying, but so good for learning.

I do think it’s more of a “getting jumped” situation, so it’s not totally useful for women trying to avoid this situation in the first place. However, there were a few rules that came up:

never turn your back to the crowd

never stop hitting & kicking

At the end of every class, the whole class “attacks” one person. So like we’re taking you have 25 people (95% men) trying to “beat you up” with mats. It’s terrifying, but so good for learning.

TreacherousTaint 2

You can judge the general safety and quality of a neighbourhood by the behaviour of the local stray cats.

If they’re skittish and violent, the neighbourhood probably has some problems.

Eat something. It’s an easy way to seem relaxed, confident, and can’t be bothered.

hell0neverland 2

When walking alone at night I keep my pepper spray in my pocket, with my finger on the trigger. I'd still have to rotate it open to spray, but that way I know exactly where it is. If I don't have my pepper spray, I do this with my keys in my knuckles. I used to carry an alarm but it went off on accident a few times so I stopped carrying it, unfortunately.

hell0neverland 2

As far as getting pickpocketed, I carry a thick purse with a thick strap and keep my valuables in the inner most pockets, so two zippers in. If in a crowded or unsafe area I turn the smaller outer pocket toward my body (so like, purse is facing me), and place the purse right in front, with my hand over it as the ultimate level of cautiousness haha. NEVER carry a backpack or open-topped purse in a city, friends.

redditmobile43 2

Get a silver clip of money have a fifty in it and when someone goes to mug you throw it the other way and run. “Street smarts”

Or plant coke on them and throw them off their rhythm.

chunklesthebulldog 2

Vary your route home always and DO NOT WEAR HEADPHONES WHEN WALKING!!!

karrierpigeon 2

I carry a taser with me at all times which I reccomend over a knife. When I'm walking at night I dont put my headphones in and stay alert. As I said in the previous post, dont be overly friendly, you'll get taken advantage of. Try to not bring attention to yourself.

hipopper 2

If you’re out late, don’t be alone. Well lit areas and awareness of your surroundings. Pepper spray can save your life.

I read once that women with ponytails are more likely to be grabbed or viewed as easier prey because it is something easier to grab onto and then control your movement with. I have literally let down and updo walking to my car because of this.

Keys always in hand.

Work out. Be strong. Learn how to kick ass just in case you ever need to.

And always rememebr its always better to be a an alive mean bitch than dead nice girl.

spacehusband 2

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DarkWingDarling 1

I park in well-lit areas and I will ask someone to walk me to my car if I need to. I also take self-defense classes. There is a martial arts studio in town that does it for free once a month. I walk with purpose, I have an active bitch face and I am not a quiet person.

spacehusband 2

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kaeorin 3

Your comment has been removed because:

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If youre listening to music and feel uneasy/ watched then turn your music off but keep the earphones in. You'll be aware of your surroundings without people ( who may have bad intentions ) being aware you hear them.

Learn to ignore cat calls BUT also learn to yell really loudly when in danger. Although from experience no one gives a shit, but someone might come to help and chances are you'll scare the perpetrators away

Move to a small town. Most of them are safer. But watch your back, no matter what you do! Trust NO one. 😉

WhalingBanshee 3

I feel like this advice is underrated (even before I sorted by controversial). Let's say 1 in 500 is a creep. If you live somewhere with 10k citizens, there are 20 creeps to look out for (and you might know who most of them are). If you live in a city of 2 million, there are 4000 creeps to look out for. Of course the world doesn't work like that, but it's close enough to take into account.

Moneylonglegs 1

I stick my keys between my knuckles just in case I have to fight off someone when I’m walking to my car at night

[deleted] 1

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msstark 1

Removed for derailing.

[deleted] 1

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spacehusband 1

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maddowen -1

If you are walking alone in the dark or feel you're being followed, put your keys inbetween your knuckles in your pocket. My secret weapon 😂

Red8600

Don’t hold it like that, you can do more damage to yourself than an attacker.
try this

I’m a man but a girl I dated did this with me present and would make me cringe. Don’t let random people ear hustle you.

JaguarGod087

I came into this post thinking the whole thing was stupid. However the top comments are quite good. In a way the best to stay safe is infact to be, and or appear to be a strong person. This is applicable regardless of what sex you are. You want to be someone that it is not a good idea to fuck with. This does not always mean pure physical power. As mentioned above many times. Mind games are a big part of it.

Dobby___issues

If you feel unsafe, like if somebody is following you or harassing you in public, quickly walk up to a group of people, pretending to suddenly recognize them as if you know them and belong. Say something like “hey guys! I’m so glad I found you! This creepy guy has been following me so I’m gonna hang out with you until he leaves.” I’ve had to do this a few times, once when a man was blocking me from entering my car. The creeper always ran off right away.

In bars or nightclubs, the bartender or bouncer should be looking out for you. I’ve reported numberous men to the bartender, “hey, that man keeps walking up to me with drinks I didn’t see him buy and trying to force me to take them, I feel really uncomfortable because I don’t know what’s in the drink.” If the bartender or bouncer doesn’t care, GET OUT OF THE CLUB NOW. Call an Uber or a taxi, grab the friend you came with, and get the fuck out. Any reputable bar staff will not tolerate sexual harassment.

Always walk like you’re running late.

Watch your surroundings. Be aware of who is behind you, to the side of you, in front of you. Watch everybody.

If somebody tries talking to you, don’t stop to talk; don’t even look at them. Just ignore them and pretend you can’t even hear them.

If you are driving and somebody is following you, do not go home. Drive to the police station.

Keep a military-grade tactical pen or flashlight handy.

It doesn’t doesn’t take much pressure to break the arch of somebody’s foot if you stomp down on the top middle of their foot. You can also easily break somebody’s nose or collarbones by slamming through with the heel of your hand, fingers slightly curled in. Try not to punch with an actual fist if you can help it; you could injure your hand easily.

If all else fails, and somebody physically picks you up, go completely limp like a dead noodle and try to slide to the ground. If that doesn’t work right away, scream your head off.

Edited: typos

squirrelandmonkey

When I was in college and walked home alone after a night out I wouldn't walk on the path to avoid little lanes, car parks or dark entryways that would otherwise be right beside me. It would have been very easy for someone to drag me into one of those.
If I went somewhere late and drove myself I would check the back seat of my car before getting in.
Also, do not get into safe mode just because you are almost home! I know a girl who got mugged and beaten right outside her bedroom window.

elilovesreddit

You wanna get yourself a silver money clip...

vivisectioned

how to avoid being touched without consent: build that charisma. work with others’ subconscious field and they will avoid you without realising why.

sammireneeecx

Wear headphones and pretend like you always have somewhere to be. If you are driving and feel like someone is following you, drive to the nearest police station

Annewillvt

Look like you know where you are going. Walk with purpose. Make limited eye contact. Keep cognizant of the people around you. Listen for footsteps quickening behind you. Never be on a street alone.