Monday, May 13, 2013

Holy Mother!

Oh no, we forgot Mother's Day. So here's belated Mommy's Day wishes to two of the craziest mothers out there. Michele and Sarah. Whatcha been up to?

Michele Bachmann recently absolved everybody the GOP wants to destroy, you know, the Black Muslim Usurper Kenyan and the killer of Vince Foster, in that whole Benghazi thing by revealing the real culprit. The big whitebearded guy in the sky did it. Yep, impeach God now cuz he did it. Bachmann, in one of her great reasoned arguments that a certain section of Minnesota really likes (????) said, "Our nation has seen judgment not once but twice on September 11. That’s why we’re going to have ‘9/11 Pray’ on that day. Is there anything better that we can do on that day rather than to humble ourselves and to pray to an almighty God?"

Way to go Michele! You not only absolve Nobama and the next President Clinton of Benghazi, you also absolve the culprit behind 9/11, the first one, the big one, back in '01, that being of course, Big Bill Clinton. So it's this God character who keeps fucking us over on 9/11. I always knew he was a prick. Thanks for confirming it, Michele!

Meanwhile up in that vast wasteland that for some reason the Congress admitted to statehood back in 1959, Alaska, one of those meaningless polls shows Sarah Palin in front for the 2014 Senate race. Two points ahead of somebody named Mead Treadwell and 8 points up on some other guy named Who Gives A Shit. Wow, Grizzly Mom, that's impressive. Alaska, home to grifters, deadbeats, fugitives and hillbilly families who give their kids names like Trigger, Tracker and Weeping Willow, will elect somebody to muck up the Senate and keep the federal funds flowing to their on the lam citizens. But will it be Mead Treadmill ,that Who Gives a Shit guy, or that bearded jackoff , Joe Miller because we know damn well it won't be the pick pocket they call Sarah. She makes too much easy cash tweeting out garbled nonsense and hyping up her Facebook groupies by somehow writing in a Fargo like accent. Not to mention she'd just quit anyway even if the refugees from Crimestoppers that live up there voted to further embarrass their so called state by sending somebody even dumber than Western Nebraska mob boss Debbie Fischer (Welfare Rancher-Ne).

And oh yeah, the poll was commissioned by something called the Tea Party Leadership Fund, who I guess were taking time out from their holding off the IRS goons with their canes.

So, again, Happy belated Mommy's Day to two of the biggest mothers out there. Dumb and Dumber.