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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Entries in Creepy Cakes
(165)

So tell me, how long's it been since you stared at a pregnant woman's naked belly?

Wow, that long? Well, have no fear! As long as belly cakes are made, I promise to never let you forget what a pregnant woman's torso looks like. Or at least a fondant-covered version of one, anyway. Consider it my personal Cake Wrecks guarantee to you.

You're welcome.

Now, you would be forgiven for seeing a bald Ziggy doll in a bib here at first. (I know I sure did.) After all, I don't think I've ever featured a belly cake with the oh-so-authentic "belly line" before.

Speaking of which: When I first saw this cake I had no idea what that line was or why it was there, since I've never been pregnant. So I mentioned it to a then-pregnant friend. My friend was quite helpful and, despite my protests, insisted on whipping up her dress to show me the line on her own belly. Which was...unexpected. Kelly R., I have you to thank for that bit of enlightenment. So thanks. Really.

I used to think that part of the belly cake's creepiness was due to its having no head. Then Melody W. sent this in:

And I totally changed my mind.

By the way, I've never seen a belly button look quite so much like a...well... belly button before. It totally looks like a tufted pillow. Or maybe the end of a giant hot dog. [head tilt] Ok, yeah: let's stick with "pillow."

You know what these belly cakes are missing, though? No, no, besides that. Sex appeal, that's what. Totally. Tune in tomorrow for a few spicy numbers that you are sure to remember far, far into the future. Like, deathbed future, even.(I'm trying to ramp up your sense of anticipation. Is it working?)

Whoah. My bad, Mr. Angry, I thought you were someone else. Hey, no need to get your carrot all bent out of shape there; we were just leaving. C'mon, guys.

[walking backwards] As I was saying, bakeries are ramping up the cuteness quotient with plenty of floppy-eared darlings like thi...

Yow! Aw, dude, you shouldn't jump out at people like that! Uh, and you've got a little something on your face there... No, no, you can hardly tell. Really.

Anyway, I'm telling you guys, there really are tons of sweet hippity-hoppity hares infiltrating the bakeries! Just give me another second to find one...

Ah! Here we go:

[Psycho shower-scene music]

Aaaiiieee! It's Lemon Lips, the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on! He's got a vicious streak a mile wide - he's a killer! I knew I should have packed the Holy Hand Grenade this morning...

Well, if you'll all join me in running away this direction, we can continue our quest for the cutesy bunnies.

[staring wide-eyed]

Uh.

Right, I give up. Quest over. Hope you all enjoyed your time here today. Kindly exit through the gift shop...