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“If you turn me on my side and paint my nose yellow, I’d make a perfect traffic light!”

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I would. If you paint my nose yellow, I would be perfect. I have hazel-colored eyes (so they’re green with a touch of brown), and I have pink-eye in my right eye right now. So if you turn me on my side, I’d be perfect! Open the right eye, and everyone stops! Close both eyes, and I’m a yellow light. Open the left eye, and go! I’ll bet I could make some big money that way, directing traffic…

Date posted: April 12, 2000

Notes: This quote article was temporarily lost in late 2001 when the quote section of the site was converted to run from a database rather than static HTML pages. The article was later recovered via the Internet Archive.