I will make this statement out to the cosmos, and not to anyone in particular. This way my offensiveness will not be focused on anyone in particular.

Stop looking for signs that confirm your faith. Just stop it. If you have faith, then you believe it without evidence. That’s what faith is. If you need signs, you do not have faith. If you find confirmation of your faith in the back of a turtle then you have no faith, no intelligence, and no hope of survival in this cruel world.

And for those of you who find this page because you were hoping to read about the miracle turtle, do me a favor: don’t have children!