for men who are recovering from relationships with abusive women and the non-abusive family and friends who love them

WTF Fatigue: Jodi Arias

It was inevitable. The constant news coverage of America’s sweetheart psychopath Jodi Arias, her lack of remorse, her claims of being a “survivor” while ex-boyfriend, Travis Alexander, lies 6-feet under and her list of “mitigating factors” for why she should not receive the death penalty for the brutal and pre-meditated murder of Alexander has induced a heretofore-unknown mental health condition in me.

WTF Fatigue

I have WTF Fatigue and am certain I’m not the only one.

In case you’ve been on a media blackout, Jodi Arias stabbed her ex-boyfriend, Travis Alexander, 27 times, shot him in the head and slit his throat nearly to the point of decapitation with malice and forethought after having sex with him in May 2008. Guess she wanted to hit it before she quit it. Whatta reptile.

I will not detail the history of her relationship with Alexander, the grisly murder, her numerous lies, her “amnesia” about the details of the murder (while being able to remember the minutia of her sex acts with Alexander), her preposterous claims of being a domestic violence victim (while there is ample evidence she stalked and terrorized Alexander) and her equally preposterous claims that she felt degraded and abused by sex with Alexander when her sexts, voicemails, etc., to Alexander give new meaning to “enthusiastic consent.”

Rant tangent: If women don’t want to be “used for sex” then they shouldn’t use sex to try to get men (or women) to be in a relationship with them. These are usually the same women who serve the freaky deaky sex up on a platter straight from the get-go. That’s like being a drug dealer that complains the only time someone calls is when they want dope. If that’s what you’re peddling, don’t blame the customers.

And please spare me the happy horseshit about having low self-esteem and men “taking advantage.” There are women who do the same thing to men for money and status. If you don’t want to be “used for sex” then don’t use sex. If you decide to roll the dice and have sex without love and commitment, then be grown-up enough to live with the consequences of your choices should you not get the pay-off you want.

If you believe you have nothing more to offer than sex then stop watching reality shows, stop the mall-hopping, the bar-hopping and the endless navel-gazing, get some therapy, take some adult enrichment classes and become a more interesting person that has more to offer than 3-minutes in “heaven” and a lifetime of endless bitching. The same goes for men who believe women are only interested in you for money. If you don’t want to be used for your money or for sex, then don’t go fishing with it. Are there predatory women and men in the world who will take advantage of you? Yes, so don’t paint a bulls eye on your back. Arias is no victim. Sex was a tool to manipulate and control.

There’s also a red flag here, folks. Women who feel “used for sex” — especially when they’re quick to jump into bed — are telling you that they’re TRANSACTIONAL. They only give with an expectation of getting and sex is currency to them. If you have sex with this kind of woman, she believes you “owe” her. Arias didn’t get what she wanted in return for sex from Alexander and he paid with his life. End rant tangent.

Psychopath TV – All Jodi! All the time!

When I first read about the Arias case, I thought to myself, “Oh, another sociopathic borderline. Wonder if she’ll claim to be the real victim and manage to get off?” Miraculously, the Arizona jury didn’t pull a Casey Anthony and found Arias guilty of first-degree murder — even though she’s a woman and card carrying member of the Sisterhood of Professional Victimhood. Shocking, I know.

Even Arias was surprised by the guilty verdict and said she felt “betrayed” by the jury. WTF #1. (There were multiple previous WTFs. This WTF is when I officially began counting).

Specifically, Arias said, “It felt like a huge sense of unreality. I felt betrayed, actually, by the jury. I was hoping they would see things for what they are.”

Unreality? You mean like when Alexander’s family and friends learned their loved one was butchered and left for dead in a pool of blood? In true BPD-sociopath fashion, Arias shows no compassion for her victims and their feelings and reserves compassion exclusively for herself. Furthermore, last time I checked, murder is a crime. Seems to me, the jury would have betrayed U.S. law by acquitting her. This was not a crime of passion nor was it self-defense. It was pre-meditated murder.

“See things for what they are” = “Believe my persuasive blaming and victim-speak and let me get away with murder.” Arias seems to have expected the jury to believe her contradictory, hole-ridden testimony as opposed to theevidence.

She banked on jurors believing her emotionally charged bullshit instead of the facts. But why shouldn’t she?

Lots of women get away with murder (sometimes literally) in Family Court and Criminal Court every single day. Just look at male vs. female conviction rates for similar crimes and who the winners are in the majority of Divorce-Custody Lotto cases. In that respect, I suspect Arias does feel like she’s getting a raw deal for being convicted of a crime she admitted committing because she’s a woman and should, therefore, be exempt from the consequences of her aberrant behaviors.

Arias told Fox affiliate KSAZ, “I would prefer to die sooner than later. Longevity runs in my family, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my natural life in one place. I believe death is the ultimate freedom and I’d rather have my freedom as soon as I can get it.” Textbook Borderline all-or-nothing maneuver. “If you don’t give me what I want then get out! Wait, no, I didn’t mean it! Please don’t go!”

Sure enough, after her conviction two weeks later on May 21, 2013, Arias back-peddled like Lance Armstrong on steroids and pleaded for her life at the sentencing hearing. Her attorneys must’ve clued her into the possibility of appellate court and being released after 10 years give or take for “good behavior.”

Arias wasn’t under oath while she made these statements — not that being under oath stopped her from lying during the trial. She has yet to apologize to Alexander’s family. She said SHE feels bad for hurting them. SHE feels “destroyed” knowing her actions might have contributed to Travis’ grandmother’s recent death. She said she did not mean to hurt them. No, she meant to hurt Travis. Intention does not negate consequence. Her feelings for herself are irrelevant, but that is her only point of reference — like most sociopaths, psychopaths, malignant narcissists and borderlines.

Arias said she avoided looking at Travis’ family during the trial for “a variety reasons [she] won’t go in to.” Many of my clients’ former spouses cannot or will not make eye contact with them after making false allegations and destroying them with the help of family court. I think this is because on some level they know what they’re doing is wrong and can’t bear to see their twisted selves reflected back to them. Again, this is about Arias not wanting to feel bad and has nothing to do with empathy for the Alexanders.

Arias claimed she has contemplated suicide since being imprisoned and wrote numerous goodbye letters to her family. She said she didn’t go through with it because she wanted to spare her family the same pain the Alexander family is experiencing. What a sensitive, caring person she is — much like some mothers who, when faced with losing a custody dispute because of their crazy and abusive behavior, murder their kids and bungle their own half-assed suicides.

Arias then confirmed my earlier hypothesis about her attorneys cluing her in to the possibility that a life sentence doesn’t necessarily mean life — especially if you’re an attractive, young woman.

This is when the WTFs started coming fast and furious complete with an overhead projector (WTF). Arias argued that she should not be put to death because of “all the good” she could do if she’s allowed to live like:

1. Let her hair grow and donate it to a wig charity for cancer patients. Why, she’s already done this three times since her incarceration in 2008! She’s a real philanthropist as far as psychopathic, borderline personality disordered killers go. WTF. Frankly, I’d rather go bald than have her hair on my pate.

2. Teach her fellow inmates Spanish. Arias claims that since she’s been in jail, she’s received scads and scads of emails and letters from women asking her to teach them Spanish (guess they never heard of Berlitz and, by the way, WTF). Due to the trial keeping her soooooo busy, she just hasn’t had the time for bilingual pursuits. If she’s allowed to live, she promises to teach her fellow inmates in the “general population” Spanish. ¡Ay, caramba!

3. Start a prison recycling program. And this wouldn’t just help the women’s prison. “It is one small thing that could have a far-reaching positive impact on the community and the planet.” Ah, the grandiosity. Jodi saves the world one aluminum can at a time! WTF.

4. Teach fellow inmates to read. “I know reading has enriched my life by expanding my knowledge base and opening my eyes to new worlds and different cultures. I, too, can help other women, so they can add that dimension to their lives.” Guess she must have missed the books on her summer reading list about how murder is wrong. And really? Arias as an educator and mentor? Am I the only one who sees something incredibly perverse about this? WTF.

5. Start a book club “to stimulate discussions of a higher nature.” Look out, Oprah! Your book club is about to get an ass pounding! Here comes Jodi! I recommend Arias start with Crime and Punishment and follow it up with The Count of Monte Cristo.

6. Sell “Survivor” t-shirts to help “other victims of domestic violence.” This is the one that pisses me off the most. I try not to drop too many F-bombs in print, and if I were going to do it, this is certainly the time for it. Arias is not a survivor. Arias is a murderer. She is a perpetrator. Abso-freaking-lutely shameless right to the bitter end. I cannot believe her lawyers allowed her to do this. Big shameless balls on this one. Any domestic violence shelter that accepts money from this psycho-killer should automatically forfeit any and all state and federal funding.

7. Do a lot more good stuff (*if the prison lets her). Although, Arias doesn’t know what that other good stuff is at the moment, she promises she’ll find many more ways to help fellow inmates, and you know, humanity. Speaking of humanity, oh, the humanity.

“A few things about Me, Me and ME.”

After making her junior high case about all the good things she will do once she is elected class president in prison, Arias began a slideshow complete with baby pictures, toddler pictures of herself playing in the sprinkler, toddler pictures of herself playing dress-up, pictures of her childhood trips to Sea World and Hawaii and high school pictures of herself smiling for the camera. Her argument seemed to be, “Please don’t put me to death for my crimes because I was a cute baby.” Guess what, Ted Bundy was every bit as cute as Jodi.

Childhood cuteness being used as a legitimate legal argument for mercy? WTF.

Arias then claimed her bestie from high school was harassed and threatened, which is why she wasn’t there speaking on her behalf lest we forget who the real victim in all this is. Then, she made some vague references about her relationship with her father improving after she moved out, not having enough money to pay for heat in her first apartment she shared with her first boyfriend and it getting so cold they could see their breath, quoted Charles Dickens, talked about how her first boyfriend will always be “special to her” and more pictures of other ex-boyfriends. Then Arias talked about her different hairstyles over the years — all with corresponding photos. “Here I am in my redhead stage. Here I am in my blond stage. Here I am skiing. Here I am in Palm Springs. Here I am on a terrace — it’s on the ocean, but you can’t see it very well on this screen. Look at me, look at me! Look at meeeeeeeeeeeee!”

Is this a court of law or her Facebook page? Her Internet dating profile? WTF does any of this have to do with anything?

Then Arias showed some more ex-boyfriend pictures, talked about going on dates to live reggae and blues performances in Monterey and how the band dedicated songs to her and her then boyfriend, how she went on summer camping trips, hung out with colleagues after work, rode the aerial tram in Palm Springs and went to Chuck E. Cheese. What, no moonlit walks on the beach? Again, WTF?

Arias sniffled and seemed to choke up about how she will not be able to take photos at her sister’s wedding next year and won’t be able to hold her nieces and nephews. Every now and again she would make a cursory reference that Travis won’t be able to do these things with his family either and then quickly resumed talking about herself. It seemed like one of her attorneys had her edit those things in after reading her first draft in an effort to feign some semblance of empathy.

Then she threw a pity party about how she will never be a mother — unless some freak out there marries her, has conjugal visits and knocks her up. You know there’s more than one freak out there that would marry and have kids with this psycho, which she would undoubtedly try to parlay into a reduced sentence. Arias’ plea was essentially about how murdering Travis has caused her to suffer. From start to finish, she made it all about her.

“As some of you may know, I’m an Artist.”

Just ask Travis Alexander about her handiwork and Dexter-like photog skills. She’s a regular blood spatter Jackson Pollack. Yes, this narcissistic monster included a slideshow of her crappy paintings and etchings in her plea and bemoaned the fact that she won’t be able to do oil paintings in the pokey. Among her oeuvre are portraits of Frank Sinatra, Elizabeth Taylor and Elvis. WTF. Then Arias sniffled about how she will no longer be in family Christmas portraits. Narcissistic much? Heaven forbid she miss a photo-op.

“I was hoping to avoid trial, not the outcome (although, that would have been nice) and go quietly into the night. Are you getting my good side? Be sure to get my good side! Wanna see me do a handstand?”

Go quietly into the night? Avoid exposure? This woman is on every news channel, YouTube and all over print media — if there’s a camera and a mic, she’s there. This piece of work has yet to shut up. At one point, she was running a Twatter feed from jail ferchrissakes — she may still be, don’t know.

The defense’s fatal mistake was putting her on the stand and in front of media cameras. Had she kept her mouth shut and looked pitiful and mute from the defense table, her cockamamie defense might have worked. Instead, they allowed Arias to bask in the limelight and the media has given her a platform. I’m waiting for ABC to announce Arias as the next Bachelorette. There’s already a Lifetime movie scheduled to air next month. Let’s hope “lifetime” is also the length of Arias’ sentence — without parole.

“It was never my goal to malign Travis’ character. It was my goal to preserve his reputation.”

Bullshit and WTF, WTF, WTF, WTF. She recounted their sexual relationship in graphic detail and in unadulterated predatory braggadocio. She tried to put him on trial for liking what some people consider to be kinky sex.

“I wouldn’t even harm a fly (or a spider.)”

This is one of the last lines from the Hitchcock thriller, Psycho. You would think someone on the defense team would have mentioned this to her. Too bad she didn’t show Travis the same compassion she shows spiders.

“Please spare my life. Not for me, of course, but for my family.”

This part left me especially incredulous. “In many ways, my family has suffered a loss, too . . . their hopes of welcoming me home someday were forever dashed [when I was convicted].” Unless Arias’ family lives in the same self-centered, unreality bubble she does, how could they even think that was possible? Again, this was all about Arias and her suffering with cursory mentions of the Alexanders’ suffering.

Much like Steven Alexander who, in his victim impact statement said he doesn’t want to see Arias anymore, neither do I. If the next jury gives her life instead of the death penalty, let’s hope part of the sentence is NO MORE MEDIA INTERVIEWS. NO INTERNET ACCESS. No intermediaries giving interviews on her behalf and no intermediaries blogging, tweeting and selling Arias’ outrageous tee-shirts and crappy “art.” If the jury really wants to punish Arias, they will put her away for life and prohibit her from any media attention with no chance for parole. No Geraldo interviews. No interviews of any kind. Nothing.

Here is a synopsis of the “mitigating factors” to not give Arias the death penalty:

I just don’t see how any of this is relevant. If Travis had murdered Jodi, would these points be considered compelling arguments? Of course they would not be relevant. If her defense team had any integrity, they would not have let her share her personal scrapbook and natter on about herself for 30 minutes.

Arias should have said, “I am both deeply ashamed and sorry for what I have done. Even saying this, I know there is nothing I can do to make amends for the pain and harm I have caused Travis, his family and my family. Even though I don’t deserve it, I beg this court for mercy. If you give me life instead of death, I promise I will be a model prisoner, stay out of the public eye and do nothing to cause Travis’ loved ones further pain. I am profoundly sorry and will regret what I have done until the day I die.”

Jodi Arias isn’t sorry for killing Travis Alexander. She is sorry she got caught and is suffering consequences. Again, she feels bad about the consequences of her behavior, not her behavior. She believes she was justified in killing him, that he deserved it. If she were truly sorry for murdering him and for the pain she has caused his family, she would never have tried to justify her actions and blamed him for killing him. She would not have dragged his name through the mud and put his sexual proclivities on trial. She’s not sorry for committing murder. She is pissed she didn’t get away with it and feels betrayed by the jury that they didn’t let her get away with it.

If I were a juror, I don’t know if I’d be able to sentence someone to death, even someone as richly deserving as Jodi Arias. I wouldn’t want anyone’s blood on my hands and cannot imagine being charged with that task. However, if anyone were deserving of the death penalty, Arias is it.

What got to me most about Diane Downs, weirdly enough, was that the dad of her kids did nothing wrong and could care for them, and yet the two surviving ones were adopted. By the prosecutor. (Which is in itself disturbing.)

All I know about the Arias case is that she killed her boyfriend. I don’t think she deserves the death penalty, because I’m against it, but I don’t feel particularly sorry for her.

My sympathies to Travis Alexandar’s family. Can only imagine their pain & suffering.

She scarily reminds me of my ex-wife. Hispanic, pretty woman, completely self-engrossed, sociopathic borderline narcissist. After seeing the trial and reading the story, I really believe I escaped a possible similar outcome. My ex would physically (and emotionally) attack me and get out of control. As bad as it is/was, at least I’m still here & breathing.

Yes thanks Dr. T. The more time passes, the more I realize just how in denial I was, and just how bad things really were.

Example. We lived in an apt bldg. One day my ex went to laundry room to do laundry. She came running back scared saying there was a big spider in the laundry room. So I went down to look at it. It was kind of a big spider. So I came back and got the camera to take a picture of the spider (I’m kinda nerdy like that but oh well).

My ex flipped out. Started screaming, slapping at me, yelling, that I can’t use the camera, the big evil spider will ruin the roll of film & photos. She was scratching & clawing at me to get the camera. I insisted, went down and took a couple of pictures.

When I got back into the apt, my ex was hiding behind the door and hit my arm, knocked the camera down to the floor, grabbed it, and tore the film out. The roll of film was ruined. She also broke the camera in the process. And this was a relativly minor episode/outburst.

Hmm. Now I’m doubting myself again. lol just kidding. I don’t think there was anything on the roll of film. It was a control issue. She wanted to control & tell me what I could & couldn’t do…besides her schizoaffective issues with the spider.

Example: One day we went shopping at Target. While in the book section, she choose a magazine. I picked out a self-empowerment book titled ‘How to know what you want and how to get it’. The author was a woman and the book title is self explanatory – self empowerment.

The ex told me to put the book back and to choose another one. I insisted on this book. She picked out a Louis L’Amour Western novel, and put the self empowerment book back. She said I like Western/cowboy novels and said thats what I really wanted. I said no, and removed the Western book, and got the self help book back. She became very, very angry and said she’s not paying for the book, and stomped off.

In the check out lane, I put the book on the conveyer belt. She grabbed the book, threw it to the ground, and began yelling at me. She got very close to me, squared her shoulders and acted like she was going to hit me. Remember, we are in Target in the check out lane with people watching all around. I ended up getting the book, but she was furious for 3 days…and ended up throwing the book out with some mail of mine she stole while I was at work.

One silver lining with this case is that it seems to mark a shift in the zeitgeist of the culture from seeing women as the victims regardless of how violent their behavior to acknowledging that women are full fledged adults who are responsible for their behavior. We’ve come a long way from the Burning Bed days through the Bobbitt case (were women cheered for Lorena).

This halo effect that women enjoyed began to tar as women started to be convicted of murdering their children as well as pedophilia towards school age boys. Now we’ve finally begun to reach a stage where women’s violence is seen as on par with that of violent men and the poor-me-i’m-the-victim mentality doesn’t fly anymore.

Despite this breakthrough we still fail to talk about domestic violence towards men in our culture and this circus is entirely about crazy Jodi Arias.

I think Jodi was trying to show us that she’s not a murderer, she’s just an ordinary normal girl who had bad luck and that what happened to her could happen to any of us. And unfortunately, many people believe her. I was wondering where did Dr T found this photo of Jody and when I googled I found out that the internet is full of Jodi’s cute pics that say “look how cute I am, I’m harmless”.
Dr T, Im glad you wrote an article about her, it’s ridiculous how many people don’t see the obvious.

“6. Sell “Survivor” t-shirts to help “other victims of domestic violence.” This is the one that pisses me off the most.”
me too. This is direct insult to all victims of domestic and any other violence.

This article sums it up perfectly – WTF fatigue indeed. I was hoping somebody would condense all of the lunacy, delusion and general falseness of this horrible woman. The very sight of her makes my skin crawl and hearing her voice reminds me of my own hellish experiences – and believe me I consider myself very fortunate to have gotten away from my own private Jodi.

As somebody else pointed out the silver lining here is exposure, although it’s tragic that a life was the price paid and my heart goes out to the Alexander family. I can not even begin to imagine what it must be like to still grieve your brother/son/friend and have to listen to this nightmarish carp continue to drag his name through the mud and have the audacity to call herself a survivor. Utterly repulsive.

Another example of how decent looks can be used to make men pawns in their twisted game. No judge worth his salt would have tolerated her “look at me” soliloquy as any sort of acceptable way to mitigate a death sentence and should have shut her down right out of the chute.

or she can sing something, like “i’m a survivor” by “destiny’s child”, maybe even dance to it, her “supporters” could wear hip-hop costumes and dance around her and jurors. Perfect way to use her last days. Or she could make a musical, like bjork in “dancer in the dark” movie…

Couldn’t agree more! WTF fatigue indeed. Excellent article. Only complaint – each photo of J. Arias should be replaced by those of a female Praying Mantis in its various life-stages. True facts about JA/PM: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0aSCPmabRpM

p.s. Loved your “Rant Tangent.” Just a thought – in a hypothetical just world Jodi Arias and Joran Van der Sloot would have found each other years back, murdered each other after having sex, and left the rest of mankind in peace. Instead the two psychopaths are procreating and Jodi – just wait till she gets pregnant while in jail and starts her “mommy blog.”

I’ve been reading/hearing that Jodi Arias attorneys convinced her to plead for her life, becauae apparently, a ‘life sentence’ doesn’t necessarily mean life…it can be commuted and/or she could be paroled. Thus the suddent turnabout in attitude and pleading for her life. Can this be true – she could actually get out someday?

It’s quite possible. There was a case a few years ago where I work of a woman who murdered her husband of one month (he had realized he made a mistake and was in the process of breaking up with her) in cold blood. Despite damning physical evidence, the prosecutor allowed her to plead. While she’s technically sentenced to 25 years, if she doesn’t screw up she’ll be out on parole in four. That’s why some states have “life without parole” sentences… it’s something that the voters in those states forced to happen.

Thank you for your insight into this case. You have hit the nail on the head! I have someone close in my life that has Borderline, and have been scared for myself and my family! I need to find out more so I can prevent a Jodi in the making! I have been studying some things but, any help I can from anyone I would gladly accept. Thanks for your time and your insight!

Courts and legal eagles are required to update their knowledge base on covert abuse and psychopathy / personality disorders

Greetings,

Short description:

I just sent my own solicitor dismissal without notice. She was mandated with an 8 month lasting psycho terror assault to defend the abused, me and my partner. The aggressor is my partners mother. In an eight months lasting slander and destruction trip she fired upon us law suits, ruined public reputation, and surrounded herself with her own crew of relations to join her in the tour de force.

The highlight was attempted manslaughter of her own husband, performed in ways that even the police officer where we reported the events confirmed this to be the perfect murder scenario.

Her husband, in a 50 years relationship with her, is not even capable to face the truth, that his own wife overdosed him with powerful medicaments for 11 days, leading to kidney failure and hypovolaemia. He did not drink and eat for four days, had thrown up everything, and his psychopathic wife did not call a doctor, but continued to feed him with meds, some of which where counter indicated and contributed to kidney failure. One days later, and he’d be dead.

I could right a book about these eight months, but here I would only like to say that it is my experience that legal eagles often are incompetent on the subject of emotional abuse and personality disorders.

My advice is this:
Once your are in a legal battle with a psychopath, make sure that your lawyer has enough knowledge to understand the situation, otherwise he/she may as well turn out to be the lawyer of the psychopath, working against you.

Many lawyers don’t really care. They are lawyers for glory and making money off the misery of society. So there’s the first major problem. Many lawyers in adversarial situations square off in court, strut like peacocks to put on a good show to the judge & clients…then when the dust is settled they are having a drink together at the local bar, and smiling all the way to the bank regardless of the outcome of the case. They get paid win or lose.

The few lawyers who may give a damn, still cannot influence a judge’s biases. Our legal system as in most institutional systems here in the U.S., favors the most aggressive, the strongest, the wealthiest, the most socially affluent. It rarely has anything to do with justice or equality. Look at Casey Anthony case for crying out loud. Look at the jury in Jodi Arias murder trial. Look at all the people who are in prison or even death row that we later find out were wrongly convicted, where prosecutors, judges, defense attorneys violated people’s rights, and break the law themselves.

Finally, in a family court system that overwhelmingly favors women in all divorces, child custody/visitation, and child support matters. There really is a severe imbalance and lack of justice and lack of credibility in our system.

I guess my overarching point here is its not just a matter of knowledge. Many are perfectly competent & completely aware of whats going on…but they just maintain status quo and/or turn a blind eye to the outrageous injustices going on around them. When this becomes commonplace, then we become just like a third world country. Corrupt, marginal, indifferent.

I may be one of the few people who didn’t know about this until just before it went to the jury. Out of curiosity, I watched a documentary by one of the networks. It was immediately obvious to me that she was borderline. What scared me the most, however, was when she accused her boyfriend of being a pedophile. It scared me because my ex had gone on a crusade telling family and close friends that I was a sexual deviant, using almost nothing but innuendo* but was heading down this path.

I now suspect that my best friend momentarily derailed this when my ex tried to isolate me from him, though he and I aren’t sure. Regardless, I started shaking during the documentary, knowing how close my ex came to making my life complete hell, instead of half-hell.

*One thing that irritates me still is that only my best friend questioned what she meant by her innuendo. “He wants to do things,” said in a nasty tone implies a lot to someone who is sexually normal, but highly religious.

Jason, BPDs and other sociopaths utilize ‘accusation’ and ‘charachter asasination’ as highly effective techniques in turning the tables on their prey, and making them the ‘bad guy’.

This has many effects, including making the BPD the victim, concentrating negative attention on the real victim by convincing everyone the victim is the perpetrator. Essentially, its gang-bullying and almost never one-on-one. Hitler used these techniques on a mass scale, blaming Jews, Gypsies, Gays, etc. for all their economic & social problems. Classic BPD/sociopathic charachter assasination of entire groups/races of people. And the German people fell for it.

Did you see the interview after the verdict? I could only hear my ex. Twisted truths, sincerely unapologetic – apologizes to the reporter for not apologizing to Travis’ family – but STILL doesn’t apologize! I know it was Jodi, but wow the slime-speak is universal with this breed.

“Asked why she didn’t apologize to the family in court, Arias replied: “I did apologize to them.” Reminded that she did not use the words “I’m sorry,” Arias said, “Well, then I’m sorry I didn’t say that. Because certainly I am sorry. I think in a sense, I– the– the words, ‘I’m sorry,’ just seemed meaningless, especially since nobody believes what I’m saying anyway. ”

She went on to say that, “I think people believe that because I lied, that everything that comes out of my mouth is a lie. Which is unfortunate, because, if that were the case, then that would be true for everyone. Because I don’t know somebody that’s never lied,” she said. “

The husband of a pregnant actress, accused of sending poison-laced letters to President Obama and then trying to frame him for the crime, says it’s “heartbreaking” to think that his spouse implicated him, but he harbors no anger and hopes to move on with his life.

“The way I look at it, being angry is a waste of energy,” Nathaniel Richardson told ABC News. “She has done this to herself. She has destroyed my reputation and my life but there’s a way up from this and if I sit here and focus on anger, I can’t focus on getting on with my life.”

Shannon Richardson, 35, initially called the FBI claiming that her husband was the person who had sent a series of letters tainted with small amounts of the toxin ricin to Obama, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Bloomberg’s top gun-control lobbyist in Washington in late May.

But when investigators looked closer, they arrested Shannon Richardson June 7 at the couple’s home in New Boston, Texas. The actress who played bit roles in movies and on TV shows, including the “Walking Dead,” was charged with mailing a threatening communication to the president. She could face 10 years in federal prison if found guilty.

Shannon Richardson’s attorney said overnight in a statement to ABC News, “I have seen no evidence to even suggest that my client desired to hurt the president or any of the other individuals involved. She is incarcerated for the first time in her life. Her primary concern remains her children and the trauma they are experiencing.”

A detention hearing for Shannon Richardson is scheduled for Friday, court records show, and the government is requesting that she be held without bond, according to The Associated Press.

Nathaniel filed for divorce last week, after Shannon implicated him but before she was arrested.

Shannon has five children ranging in age from 4 to 19 from other relationships, four of whom had been living with the couple, Nathaniel Richardson’s attorney told The Associated Press.

She’s now pregnant with their child.

Richardson contacted authorities May 30 and implicated her husband of almost two years, according to an FBI affidavit.

I posted elsewhere about the night that the police came and took my ex away to a mental hospital because of a threatened suicide. The fact is that I’m not sure that it was suicide she was planning. After “talking” at me for several hours, when I was taking the dogs out for their before bed walk, she had physically attacked me, grabbing ahold of my coat, and telling me to hit her. I took the dogs out into the driveway saying lets come out her where their might be witnesses. She went back in the house.

When I got back from walking the dogs, the bedroom door was locked. I opened the door with my key and discovered my ex attempting to load .45 ACP shells into a .380. I took the gun away from her, and while I was doing so she physically assaulted me. I took the gun to a different part of the house and hid it well enough that I had difficulty finding it when the police came. Then I went back to the bedroom and tried to secure the rest of the firearms that were in cases under the bed. She physically prevented me from doing so, so I called the police. In retrospect, she may have been planning on shooting me, especially since she had already physically attacked me. The new guy may not be as lucky!!!

Snappydan, sounds like you just avoided being the next ‘Travis Alexander’ (victim of Jodi Arias). I’ve had some close calls to, never with guns, but with being assaulted and the violence quickly escalating. One of the major problems w/ borderlines is their anger can instantaneously flare and explode into something way beyond the issue, i.e., disproportionate anger/rage to the matter at hand. As we see with Jodi Arias, it can be deadly. These people are so out of touch with their emotions yet their emotions control them. Kind of a weird paradox. But make no mistake, this shit can be deadly. I often use humor as coping mechanism, but after seeing Jodi Arias and some other cases/situations, I really think I saved my life by getting away (even though she abandoned me, then came back, then abandoned me again).

“And please spare me the happy horseshit about having low self-esteem and men “taking advantage.””

I don’t quite understand this, there are many women with not much experience and self-esteem, young girls especialy, who are being taken advantage of (I’m not talking about bpd/npd grls, they are not naive even when they’re 15 yrs old). Why is this horseshit?

Cicak, I agree there are younger women who do get taken advantage of, especially in other countries, but I’d say not quite as prevalent here…but yes it does happen.

What I think Dr. T is saying is that the majority of BPD/NPD/HCP etc. women often say this type of thing about being taken advantage of, in order to elicit a sympathetic response from the public, in order to portray themselves as hapless, helpless victims of male dominance, etc. They feign victimhoood. Jodi Arias, a confirmed BPD woman, feigned being a victim of domestic violence and sexual aggression…when in fact she was not. She was the aggresor & stalker. So in many cases it is a lot of horseshit.

I’ll also say that if you go to any ‘woman-centered’ website, that supports women in whatever social or emotional cause, its often riddled with male bashing, emasculating, negative remarks about men in general and the tone is that men are the victimizers, women are the victims. Men really don’t have hardly anywhere to go or any support anywhere in this society. So although Dr. T didn’t put a caveat in the statement that you are questioning…I’m okay with it, b/c I think most of us here know and are honest enough to say yes, there are some women who get taken advantage of, by men, and, by other women, and it sucks. I wish people would treat other people with respect and dignity all around, regardless of gender or race or whatever…but unfortunately, that’s not reality…reality is there are a lot of nasty people out there and this site is finally addressing the woman-on-man verbal, emotional, financial, legal and physical abuse.

Thank you for you honest answer, I was bit unsure whether I shoud ask this question because I know many men here suffered horrible abuse and they’re probaly sick and tired of listening stories about female victimhood.

When something like this happens I often hear some men saying: he doesn’t owe her anything, he didn’t make her do it , or: he didn’t promise anythnig, it’s not his fault she’s hurt, she did it to herself etc. And after reading Dr T’s “rant tangent”, some scientific research that say women and men are the same when it comes to sex and all this new trends “sex$city” generations have brought us…I have to admit I’m a bit confused about this.

Dr. T has it written somewhere her ‘guidelines’ if you will, and the first tenet or guideline is that (paraphrasing) ‘Abuse in any form by either gender is intolerable’.

Part of the problem too that gets her, and us, and other men pissed off is there is such a double standard. A woman can have sex w/ a guy, and the next day dump him for any reason, or no reason at all. Society calls this an ’empowered & independent woman making her mating/procreating choices and its healthy’.

If a man does the exact same thing, he’s an asshole, bastard, player, jerk, (insert whatever bad name & expletive), and the woman has been victimized and abused (and even sometimes the one-night stand scenario is followed by a false rape accusation).

Again I think thats why people on this site including Dr. T get pissed about all this. Way to much double standard. And the thing is, when women do all this, in hurts those women who truly were raped/abused/used thinking they were in a LTR or whatever. Bad behavior by one group against another often comes back to haunt that group, even the innocent members of that group.

Okay this isn’t the exact forum or article on this site to post this under, but, came across this article on the internet today that praises men, w/o any ifs, ands or buts about it. An article that applauds fathers. No jokes, no emasculating, no asterisks or anything…so I feel compelled to post the link here. Sorry but felt compelled to post this.

Made me a little sad though b/c my ex is alienating my kids from me. I won’t see or talk to my kids on fathers day, b/c my ex is mean.

Not a big fan of magazine ‘Psychology Today’. However, here is a solid series of articles written by Randi Kreger, female author of ‘Stop Walking on Eggshells’. Very good stuff. The series is about Borderlines & Narcissists, the similarities & the differences between the two. Just a really good fundamental review and some in-depth instrospection on BPDs & NPDs. Its also not gender-specific bashing. She mixes both men & women examples of BPD/NPD. I recommend reading the series, as it gives in-depth view of the psyche and even interviews from BPDs/NPDs.

Envy is at the core of my being: seething, foaming-at-the-mouth, destructive, morbid, and potent. I envy other people’s happiness, possessions, accomplishments, status, spot in the limelight, contacts, you name it. I disguise my envy. I rationalize and intellectualize it. I do my utmost to ruin the source of my frustration while pretending to be his or her friend. I lie sleepless at night, rebelling impotently against the injustice of it all, that any one should surpass me, perfect as I am.

My pathological spite drives me to extremes of behavior: I plot and provoke and collude and spread malicious gossip and strive to damage my opponent and reduce him. I imagine his downfall in great detail and revel in his forthcoming misery and humiliation. I spend inordinate amounts of time, resources, and mental energy on nurturing my envy and mollifying it.

Sam Vaknin, author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited

Narcissists must be superior to others in every single way. So when someone else has something they don’t have that they want: admiration, status, skills, objects, etc.–the narcissist sees it as a major threat. Like so much else in the narcissistic mind, it is unconscious, discounted and denied, which makes it more treacherous for the object of his envy. Sandy Hotchkiss, author of Why Is It Always About You, says, “To admit to envy would be to acknowledge inferiority, which no good narcissist would ever do.”

Joey, a woman with BPD, says:

I remember sitting at a picnic table by the water when I was a senior in High School and staring out to sea, feeling . . . nothing. Contrary to belief, feeling nothing is not bliss, it is actually painful. You are intellectually aware of not feeling anything, but something still hurts. It has a weight to it that pulls you down, so I suppose it’s not true emptiness, that’s the only word we’ve come up with it to describe it.

It is an awful feeling. Nothing matters, nothing counts. There is no reason for anything. It is nihilistic dread, with added powerlessness. It sits on you, an ape on your back – perhaps a dead ape is more apt a description, because it just sits there pushing you down, and never moves. In my early 30’s, right after I had been rejected in a romantic relationship and there was a hurricane coming to my town, I felt that feeling again. It held me to the floor; it was so strong and heavy. I searched my mind for something that could matter and found nothing. It was difficult to even move.

Finding some gems on the ‘psychology today’ website. Fantastic article about a female sociopath, written by said female sociopath. Note she’s a lawyer and admits the legal field is a sociopath’s playground. Incredible insight into female sociopath’s mind.

what we know about sociopaths is: a) they are abusive children in an adult’s bodies b) they are very unhappy people. Ofcourse, she didn’t write that, she wanted us to believe that being sociopath is actually a great thing, kind of cool attitude that can get you anywhere, and probably to be a bit jealous of her. And about risk taking and that laughing when she almost drowned…I think she was actualy bragging. However I believe she was sincere when she said:
“I may have a disorder, but I am not crazy.”
If this means – I’m aware of everything I do and I can perfectly control myself – then I agree, she’s not crazy.
Another thing draw my attention:
“I waited until he focused all his attention on Lucy, waited until she got her hopes up, then I called him again. I told him we were meant for each other and I was just testing him.”
“I stole from the lost and found, saying I lost a book, but then I would take the “found” book to the bookstore and sell it. Or, I’d take an unlocked bike that sat in the same place for days.”
Sound familiar? 😉

Cicak – being a sociopath/borderline/narcissist, if played correctly, can be a lucrative and financial boon. I’m still trying to find that article that describes how many of the top doctors, lawyers, politicians, (top anything), that many of them show strong signs of BPD/NPD/Sociopathy. They can excel b/c they are absolutely fearless…and a true sociopath has no anxiety. What greater way to become successful than having no anxiety or fear of anything? Its a fascinating topic…because perhaps, in all of the companies/businesses we work for, maybe there is a top-notch highly functioning sociopath at the helm, making sales, connections, beating the competition…and we benefit from that in our jobs, salary, etc. Bit of a quandry isn’t it?

Sociopaths are sick, but they’re not legally insane “crazy”. Sociopaths know what they are doing, and often take pleasure in inflicting pain & suffering on others. Like my ex-Hitler. Or Stalin. Or…

I agree, but I would rather work in a company without sociopaths, even for lower salary
One more thing – no amount of money or/and succes can bring them peace and happines. She “forgot” to mention that.

About their insanity, ofcourse they are aware, they like to play dumb or to pretend to be out of control or play on “I don’t remember” card, but they know exactly what they’re doing and I’m glad finally one sociopath admited. What bothers me most is that they convinced so many people they shouldn’t be held accountable because they have a disorder. No male abuser can be exused because of his diagnose or childhood issues, but it’s completely different when it comes to these women.

And btw thanks for posting that article about fathers. I grew up in a fatherless home and only now can see how much it influenced (negatively) my life. The older I am the more I realize how much I needed him. My whole life I’ve been seeking other’s aproval and searching for a father’s figure. When I met narcissist I thought I’ve found what I needed.
We should send this article to all CB’s creatures and tell them: see what you’re mercilessly taking away from your children.

I also grew up in fatherless home. My dad had a brain aneurysm a few months before I was born and was confined to wheelchair/nursing facility the rest of his life, and didn’t really get to know him due to brain damage etc. but I know he was a great man from what everyone told me. Also seek others approval and working to stop that. It takes time, practice, some counseling and support. And its okay to get others approval, just make sure its from positive people who are looking out for your best interest, and not from the psycho bitches that are roaming the planet like desperate vampires looking for their next victim.

Eye for an eye. This “justice” system is so corrupt, I don’t expect her to get the death penalty. My crazy ex just recently faced 2 felony counts of selling drugs within a safe school zone. She went to court and claimed she “couldn’t remember” doing it. The DA allowed her to plead it down to only one count and then just 3yrs probation,no fine. She is happy as can be!

As part of my on-going sub-series here on Shrink4Men…most recent NPD/BPD online dating profile I came across on a dating website that shouts: ‘Hi, my name is Anasaurus Rex and I’d like to take you for everything you have’
***************************************************************************
About Me
FYI: If you are just looking for a pen pal to add to your collection or someone to email/text and never actually meet…. no need to read any further!

Single after a life long marriage, with one adult daughter….. amazed at the b.s. in the dating world. There must be normal out there somewhere…. looking for someone to please prove it to me.

Over the sales pitch on how amazing we all are on paper…. yet to find you’re just another douche looking for someone who enjoys “sexting” with you….. c’mon…. what happened to a few conversations, getting to know someone, and actually taking them out on a “real date” ? How about being who you say you are, considerate enough to call when you say you’ll call, having the balls to actually “plan” a date, and following through with it! It’s really not that hard….. and please don’t write in your profile that you are 6′ tall, show up and not be a stitch over 5’8! (let me clarify nothing wrong with 5′ 8″ just don’t lie about it…) Really???? And the best, don’t claim to be an Entrepeneur with your own say “Construction Business” when really, you prefer checking the surf, not really working, and can’t afford gas in your truck for the date…..

Believe me, I don’t claim to be perfect, but I also don’t claim to be someone I’m not… what’s the point?

“Be who you are and say how you feel,
those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind”
~Dr. Seuss

.. I know what I want, and dont want… Chemistry is my No. 1 priority….. if you dont have that, you have nothing! !!!!!!!!Once you know, you click, the rest is magic! I want someone who makes me think about that last kiss, that dance when no one else is watching, that moment that you know it’s right! That feeling that doesnt go away…EVER!!!

My life motto that I still fully believe:
Eventually everything falls into place
Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moments ,and know
Everything happens for a reason !!!!

I continue to laugh at the confusion, and remember daily “NEVER LET THEM STEAL YOUR JOY”

CHEERS!!!

OK…. couple added notes since getting out here:
~Biggest turn off is insecurity or jealousy….. absolutely not tolerated. Life is too short for such an unnecessary emotion!
~Must have Passion for Life , FUN, Spontaneous, and adventurous a must! Again… Life is too short not too, its OK to act like a kid once in a while!
~Personality, have one! Another must……
~I mention chemistry, can’t emphasize that enough looking for Passion!……. read a quote today “Kiss me like you’ll never see me again” Love it!
~Lastly, I’m a chic, and a sucker for the romantic yet little things in life….. like picking out a Christmas Tree together, the spirit of the Holiday, if you see it as a pain in the ass, or a waste of money, and keep your tree in a box in the attic the other 364 days of the year, then we probably aren’t going to mesh! Just sayin…….

Quiz:…..You’re sittin in a bar with your chic, and her favorite song comes on that you know she loves to dance to (no matter what it is) but there isn’t a single sole on the dance floor/maybe not even a dance floor……, do you ignore it, or grab her arm and take her out there?

P.S…..
Must NOT Smoke!
Must at least “like” Country. (Don’t have to LOVE it)

This reminds me a lot of when I was in court a year ago getting a restraining order against this crazy girl. Part of the reason was because she said she was gonna chop me up into a million pieces and put me in a frying pan, among a whole other laundry list of crazy things..

My ex’s defense to the judge was this same same crazy talk.

This article just re-affirms I made the right choice getting the law involved to get her away from me.