Where ideal is subjective

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Global Warming has become something of a cool word (pun unintended) these days. People who might not even care about this issue try to know as much about it as possible, just to sound cool. And when some one talks about it, he/she does sound concerned and caring kind of a person.

Well, I say enough is enough! This thing has been totally blown out of proportion. Someone has to put a stop to it. Who says Global Warming is all bad? I don’t!

That is why I have decided to list down ten advantages of Global Warming. So here we go:

10: I am quite sure, not many people living in Bombay use Sunscreen. I am also sure that more people buy it than the people who actually use them. Don’t tell me you bought it and used it religiously. It doesn’t happen in this city. But now, you have the chance to use them. What’s more, you will end up needing them so much you will buy more and more. Trust me this is a very safe investment to make if you have the money. Start selling them, you are assured to get rich quick.

09: Remember what happens in June every single year? It rains! And with this, you start searching for the umbrellas and raincoats you had kept in your attic last year, dust them off and find out that you would have to buy new ones anyways. But now, you won’t have to; even if you do, you can rest assured that you will be extracting full value for the money you paid for them. Come on, it will be raining more than usual and more times than usual. What’s more, it will be raining even after the monsoon ends. Only downside to this is you will have to keep the umbrellas outside all year long. But this is not that big and I am sure you will thank yourself for doing that. One more investment tip, Umbrellas!

08: I don’t know how many people have watched the Friends episode where Joey bids on a yacht and ends up winning the bid. He gets so excited about it that he refuses to give it back and pays through his nose to get it. Now, the probability of that having happened to you is even lesser than you watching that episode. But if not a yacht, maybe you bid on a small boat or even a raft. If that DID happen to you, then thanks to Global Warming, you will be able to use it. And what’s more, you will be using it more often than you think. I suggest you get it ‘souped up’. Get it something like this, to make it scream. You will be the envy of the whole city. You can go anywhere you want anytime you want. Nothing can stop from getting to a date or going for the haircut you have been postponing; of course all of this depends on the availability, because everything will be pretty much, ahem, flooded.

07: Each and every one of you, who has or still is living in Bombay, cannot deny the fact that they are armed enough to go to Russia in December. And I do not mean you have the fire power. What I mean is, you have enough clothes made out of wool for which at least 3 sheep had to go bald. And when have you used them in this city? NEVER! It just stays at the back of your closet, wrapped with naphthalene balls to make sure no insects get to them. Not any more, you will soon find enough reasons to use them in our very own city. What’s more, because we have been so used to Bombay’s traditional climate, you will have to BUY more woolen clothing. It is going to be awesomely cool! (pun very much intended)

06: I know all of you have seen the movie Ice Age. And I also know that all of you have loved the movie. All of you thought it is such a cool movie. And how much fun did Manny, Sid and Diego have in all the snow and ice. But now, you will soon have your very own Ice Age to play in. all thanks to Global Warming! What’s more, this one too will last long enough to get the animals in movie back in the evolutionary chain. Of course, you might not live that long, but what the heck, they will have fun! So the next time you keep your car running longer than it needs to, you can be excited about us being so much closer to the Ice Age!

05: Had there been no Global Warming, would Al Gore ever have been even considered for a Nobel Award? Heck No! But, thanks to the earth being microwaved slowly, he got it! I mean what has he done? All he has done is make a presentation, record it and made a movie out of it. Okay, he does have a cool website which has good information, and he HAS done some good stuff in the US. But the fact remains that he is so well known today only because of Global Warming. What’s more, he won a Nobel Award thanks to it. No more needs to be said about this!

04: How often do you wonder, what am I doing in life? Life has become so monotonous, so predictable! I need unpredictability, excitement, not knowing what is going to happen tomorrow, etc. Well, thanks to Global Warming, you will have one less reason to crib like this. You will never know whether it is going to rain today or it will be hot and sunny. You will not be able to predict if your streets will be flooding with water or there will be a shortage of water once monsoon ends. What’s more, it might even be hot, chilly and raining, all in one day! Talk about reality television type drama! Totally unexpected! So be prepared guys and girls, it is going to be one unpredictable ride ahead!

03: You know what other thing I have had enough of people cribbing about? It’s population! How many people have you heard cribbing about how populated this country is and how there is no space and how the world over people keep increasing, blah, blah and more blah! Not any more; thanks to Global Warming the population will automatically keep decreasing! The number of people being made homeless will keep increasing! What’s more, people will now for a change be reluctant to get more people in this world! WOW! This is a double edged sword! How can anyone have a problem with something like this? I already have 8 awesome advantages and there is two more to go!

02: This is for sure one of the most advantageous of all. Unfortunately, considering how desperate guys are, this is bound to benefit them more that girls. Guys, read up on this subject as much as you can. And I mean as MUCH as you can! Trust me this is going to be worth it. Imagine yourself in a group of strangers. All guys and one girl; to add to this, you are single and she is hot! Everyone is trying to find the right topic to break the ice. Suddenly you notice that her shirt is a little damp around her armpits. That’s it! You have the perfect reason to start talking to her! Didn’t get it? Go up and give her a deo (no offence) or offer her water and start talking about the climate. Build up to what the climate is coming to! Dump all the scientific knowledge you have about Global Warming in the coolest way you can. She will be so impressed, she is sure to ask you out! What’s more, if she is already going out with someone, she is sure to dump that ‘lesser-knowledged’ human being! Unless of course he also happens to have read this piece of tip I am giving! Go ahead

01: Now for the Grand Finale! The ultimate benefit of the big GW! *Drum Roll*

Okay, that’s it, I can’t do it anymore! I cannot go ahead and call something the biggest benefit of GW! This is no joke guys! Trust me, this is serious! I want my grandkids to not have any of these advantages when they live (though the last one doesn’t seem to be that bad to have). Come on, do your bit and make this planet easier to live on for as long as possible. And PLEASE visit http://www.climatecrisis.net/.

All I hope is that whatever I have written has had some affect on you guys.