Tag Archives: sex

What’s worse than having your house ransacked? Coming home to find the burglar’s on the couch having sex. Sheez, get a room. In the unfortunate owner’s words… “It’s like they just had a big ol’ nasty party.’ Worse still, while the owner was a way for a few days the burglar couple were seen flogging her jewellery. She has since set up a GoFundMe page which has managed to raise $10.

How did I miss this Craig?
OMG, poor Kong saved himself a bucket load of embarrassment after the Seattle Aquarium cancelled his Valentine’s Day mating session in front of visitors. Yes, every year on Valentine’s Day people can view octopus sex. Yep, you heard me, octopus sex. Tentacles thrashing everywhere!!!! But unfortunately for Kong, he was too big for the lovely lady octopuses and staff feared Kong might eat them, as he is more than double their size. However, there was relief all around as Kong lived to see another day…. evidently an octopus dies soon after sex. Go Kong!!!!

Oh dear, big time awks for the Chinese prostitute whose elderly customer died while they were having sex. Seems she got stuck on his….oh never mind. They both got wheeled out on a hospital stretcher presumably to get it removed. Good luck with that. What a dinner party tale she will have to tell.

Attention office workers. If you decide to have sex at work (after dark) make sure the lights are off and there isn’t a pub full of Kiwis drinking across the road who can see you ….just saying. Oh and yes ,they did record every sordid detail on their smart phones and then posted them all over Facebook, Twitter and Reddit. The married senior insurance manager and the young female office junior were unaware they were being cheered on from across the street by over 50 bar patrons. One witness said ‘To be honest, after watching them f*** for a good half hour, people started to get bored and drift off back to the dancefloor.’

It wasn’t long before news travelled back to the missus (and the world) that her hubby had been well, you know …. No word on the fate of the two love rats.

Ever wondered why so many old people are going on cruises? Well, it seems sex is rife on the cruise liners. So much so that sexually transmitted disease amongst the senior cits is on the rise. Ewh. Now the UK government is issuing warnings to the blue rinse brigade to make sure they take condoms with them on their cruises. Evidently syphilis has increased by 52% in people over 65.