Thursday, February 05, 2009

Why is it always so cold in my apartment? My hands feel like icicles, and this is GEORGIA!! This is supposed to be Hotlanta, and I feel like I am about to get frostbite indoors.

Right now my mood is ambivalent. I am frustrated that certain things in my life are not going as I would have hoped, however, I am excited because Farrah booked a flight and is coming to visit in ten days!

I am frustrated. I need something to focus my time and attention on. I'd love a full time salary position, but thus far it seems that is not going to happen. I might volunteer at a pregnancy crisis center...as soon as I get the guts to go there and check it out. I am also considering foster care (for babies only..) although that is a very long and meticulous process. I'd still be willing, if that is what I am supposed to be doing. I just want to find out what it is that I am meant to be doing with my time and my life. Arghh.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Last night, I had many dreams. I slept until noon, and probably part of the reason why I had so many was because I kept going back to sleep!

The first dream I remember was that my friend Farrah and her parents were going somewhere in NYC. I was still in school at FIT at this point, so I was in the city. They asked me to pick them up and give them a ride home after they finished doing whatever they were doing (possibly seeing a show or going to a meeting). However, I was tired and came home after school to wait for their call. When they called, I told them I wasn't in the city, I was on Long Island. Farrah's dad became very angry at me and yelled at me that I was supposed to be waiting for them so I could take them home. I told him that they should just take the Long Island Railroad home, but he seemed to get even more angry when I told him that.

The next dream I remember was that I was on a boat with Phil, a speedboat in a lake or the ocean (don't remember which). He was driving the boat and I was behind the boat, hanging on by a rope (kind of like skiing, but without the skis....somehow). In my hand, I held a bottle of alcohol and I kept taking swigs of it as Phil kept driving the boat. Whenever he would turn the boat, I'd swerve and go underwater a bit. I liked it because I felt drunk and each time I would go under the water a little more. At one point, I went under too far and for too long, and I couldn't breathe. While I was under the water, I realized I needed to let go of the alcohol and whatever I was holding so that I could pull myself back up and resurface. I did, and I was fine.

The next dream I had was that I was dog sitting Bo, and we had just bought a cute puppy that looked like a cuter, cleaner version of Bo, but still similar enough that it was hard to tell them apart. Anyway, we were paying all this attention to the new puppy, and then Bo came over and laid down on his back, paws up (this means he wanted a tummy rub). When he was laying on his tummy, I noticed a small white worm peek up from his belly, look around, and then poke back down into his belly. The next time the worm resurfaced, I plucked it off his belly and threw it on the floor. I then saw three worms on the floor all squirming away together.

Then I had a dream about standing around an outdoor, rounded pool in the rain. There were other people standing there, but everyone was going inside one by one. When they all left, I dove in the pool. As I sank down to the bottom, I thought I saw sticks..or snakes. There was junk in the pool like leaves and whatnot and it looked like it hadn't been cleaned.

Then I remember I was in another country. I don't think diving in the pool had anything to do with ending up in another country. Somehow, I was in another country, but the house I was in looked just like my mother's. I was in the dining room. I wanted to go out somewhere, but didn't know where to go. A Japanese girl came to the house and tried to give me her phone number so I could go meet her somewhere. She kept giving me different numbers, and when I tried to make sure they were correct, she would confuse me again and tell me different numbers. I don't remember any of the numbers (although they can be significant in dreams). She was going somewhere and I wanted to go too, but I knew I couldn't get there unless I had the numbers correct.

Then I woke up....

I have an immediate interpretation for one of them. The second dream with Phil in the boat and me in the water with the booze. Well, I was getting intoxicated (which I used to do all the time with friends before I met Phil) and Phil was driving the boat (which can mean ministry or vocation). Basically, Phil is leading us into ministry and it is a speedboat- which means accelerated growth- the ministry is growing rapidly (probably this is referring to the youth group, as Phil is the youth leader and the group recently has been growing a lot!) Meanwhile, as Phil is leading us in the ministry, I am getting drunk behind the boat, and not really paying attention to where we are or where the boat is going. All I care about is having fun, which is partially true of my personality at this point. However, it becomes dangerous for me when I am in too deep and with no hands to hold on. I have to pull myself back up to the boat and in the process, have to get rid of the alcohol (which I think also symbolizes behaviors I used to have in my old life).

The rest I am not sure of their meanings. There could be many possible interpretations, or maybe they are not meaningful at all. Either way, they were cool while they lasted.

Monday, February 02, 2009

This past weekend, Philip and I went to a class at our church that was all about dream/vision interpretation. It was pretty interesting, and I learned a bit. One thing we were encouraged to do is to write down our dreams. Well, turns out, the second night of the course, I had a pretty cool dream and Phil's mom gave me an interpretation. I figured I'd write it down because I'd like to remember it.

It was daytime, and I was standing on top of a very tall bridge with two other people. There was a voice, someone telling us to jump off the bridge. No one wanted to, but I volunteered to do it. So I dove, head first into the vast body of water below. As I was diving down, I realized that I didn't know how shallow or deep the water was, so I decided to try to fall on my stomach- a belly flop- so that I could prevent possibly hitting my head. I landed on my stomach, but didn't feel the sting of the belly flop. When I resurfaced from the water, it seemed I was in a swimming pool type structure that was in a lake. There was mud and concrete, and I could have hit my head or another body part on it and gotten hurt. Other people had jumped into it from a much lower point. There was a man there who came up to me and told me what I had just done was very dangerous. Then, all the rest of the people in there told me that what I had done was awesome, and inspiring.

So Deborah's interpretation was this: The dive represents my move to Georgia- a bold decision that took guts. I was afraid of possibly getting hurt, so I tried to change my direction, but I ended up not getting hurt. The man who told me that what I did was dangerous represents all of the people who told me not to move here because it was an impulse decision and not very wise. The people who told me it was awesome represent the people who are in my life who encouraged me through the process.

I have a different interpretation, based on some of the things I learned in the course. One thing I learned was that water represents the things of the Holy Spirit. So when I am diving into the water, I am going deeper into the things of the Spirit. Some people think it is stupid for me to do that, and some even give warnings. Others are encouraging and think its inspiring.

Sooooo either way, it's cool. Cause I got to dive off a bridge in my dream. And in reality, I wouldn't do that. I love experiencing things in dreams that I couldn't experience in life. Like flying. I love to fly in my dreams.

The bridge looked just like this one - Rainbow Bridge at Niagara Falls