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In honor of the month, I have decided to bring awareness. The Awareness I’m bringing will violate some privacy but I don’t concern myself with the privacy of those who seek out to defraud fathers of their rights or build barriers for them that are impossible to go over in order to sever their God-given right to parent their child.

Welcome to Adoption Awareness Month. Today I’m going to make everyone aware about the class of birth mothers/wanna-be birth mothers who intentionally do everything in their power to end any rights a father has to his child. Who work hand in hand with agencies and their powerful lawyers to create injustices. I could go on and on about how these moms are brainwashed and look how good the agency coerced them, but I won’t make any excuses for them. They don’t deserve that from me.

The following screen shots were sent to me anonymously. And they infuriated me so much that I decided to come out of “blog retirement.”

Welcome to National Adoption Awareness Month! Are you AWARE how fathers are crapped on when they don’t want to give up these babies??

And the comments of “support.”
I seriously hope the ex of Jodi Rose Marie (or her legal name: Jodi Ouellette) living in a Gladney’s maternity home in Fort Worth, Texas sees this and hands THIS to his attorney.

Shame on YOU Gladney for abusing your power and money to steal a father’s child. And shame on YOU girls for being co-conspirators.

***Edit to add: Father is most likely in the Reno, Nevada area and his first name is Chris, according to Jodi’s profile. She was also engaged to him as of January 28, 2017. Adoption isn’t mentioned until after that break up.***

The Internet was taken by storm with multiple articles calling for “baby cuddler volunteers” just a few days ago. People all over the country shared, posted, commented and were tricked into thinking there were SO many children in need of cuddling and care while they waiting for their “forever” homes. I gave my thoughts on this in my previous post, “Cuddle, Nurture, Newborns Awaiting Adoption: The Adoption Propaganda Machine.”

Turns out, if you had several of the slightly different articles, all containing different bits of information, the agency behind the article, Spence-Chapin, only needed 5-10 volunteers, as AOL.com published as a direct statement from Spence-Chapin. This is a very important fact to keep in mind while forming your opinions about this matter. You must think about this logically. If an agency is only in need to 5-10 volunteers, why put out a national smoke signal? Why is this article being published, posted, and run on several national news outlets, as well as smaller local ones? Why does anyone go national with any kind of news? To gain attention.

As I pointed out, in my previous article, this whole thing is just another part of the adoption propaganda machine. Turns out it is, most likely, even deeper than that. Within days of this article, and it’s different variations, going viral, Spence-Chapin made a statement on their Facebook page.

“We are filled with gratitude for the outpouring of responses we’ve received from people around the country and the world interested in volunteering in our Interim Care Program. We appreciate your support and your interest in caring for babies in need.
The best way to help a newborn is to make a donation to help us cover the expenses of each baby in interim care. The Interim Care Program is 100% funded by donor support!http://ow.ly/YxnzC”

As you’ll see, the link they provided at the end of their statement will bring you directly to their website to donate money to them. Mission accomplished. An article, citing their agency, with a gushy, gooey, feel good story (who WOULDN’T want to cuddle newborns in their spare time) went viral and now they put out the call for money. Cash, please!

As I also pointed out, in my previous article, 5 board members from this agency bring in almost $700,000 annually in salaries with the highest salary being paid to the Executive Director, Emily Forhman (an adoptive mom, I’d like to point out), in the amount of $200,000. But, pull out your checkbooks folks! The BEST way you can help these poor, innocent, orphaned, babies is to give us money. Ahem.

Actually, the BEST way you can help any child, whose parents are so desperate they are willing to suffer a lifelong wound of giving their baby up, is to pull out your checkbook and help THEIR FAMILY. Help the babies by allowing them to grow up intrinsically alike the rest of their family, which increases the chances they will feel accepted and never out of place, for even a moment. Help babies by allowing them to live their lives surrounded by people who look like them, act like them, have the same mannerisms as them. Help them to never experience the loss of their first family and navigate the rest of their life (even if in silence so as not to upset the parents – adoptive and birth alike – that made life-altering choices for them before they were even able to have a say in the matter) the issues that come with that. Help their mothers to have control over the choices made for their child, by not surrendering them, and because of that control over the outcomes of their lives. Help their parents to be there to protect them when needed and to mold the people they are becoming. Help them to not suffer this LOSS. Adoption ALWAYS begins with a LOSS. You aren’t helping babies by giving money to the industry and salaries of those who benefit, financially, from separating them.

There were a few comments on their Facebook post. The first one questioning their motives.

You can see a couple people trying to answer this question but they don’t quite have it right. Let me debunk their responses:

The money it costs to take care of them until they’re adopted? Definitely covered by the fees an agency charges for a domestic infant adoption. Typically these fees will range from $30,000 to upwards of $60,000 in agency adoptions. About those fees making it so people can’t adopt? Totally not true. People can and DO pay this amount of money for a baby. Those who don’t have it lying around will often fundraise and are usually met with a great response. People are generally happy to put out their wallets to give to someone who wants to adopt thanks to the propaganda machine that gives people a warped perception on what adoption really is. They will usually NOT happily give money to a single parent attempting to raise money to help her keep her baby. There goes that stigma again.

As for the second response. I think what this comment is saying is that the home study (research) for prospective adoptive parents cost money and then she includes medical bills for these “orphans” as well as the bills the agency incurs from being a brick and mortar business. Let’s address this, shall we?

Home studies are always paid for by the prospective adoptive parents or are included in the fee they are charged to buy adopt a baby. Medical bills, for any baby whose parents make under a certain income (and almost all women contemplating giving their baby up are low income), are covered by Medicaid. For those that this wouldn’t apply to, the adoptive parents, through their insurance company, will have all medical bills retroactively paid for from the date of birth once a placement is made with them (before finalization). As far as those gas bills, transportation, housing (not sure what housing they are talking about – maybe the babies living in volunteer foster homes?) – well, $700,000 in salaries. Need I say more?

After reading these 2 articles, that I have written, you still think that any of this was about seeking out volunteers to cuddle babies and NOT about fattening the pocket books of an agency whose assets exceed 50 million dollars, well, then, you’re either not as bright as you think you are, or you have a similar agenda that blinds you to the truth.

When it all boils down to it adoption, for agencies, facilitators, and attorneys, is about making money. Lots of it. Babies are the supply and it’s easy to capitalize on that, as any economist knows, because the demand FAR exceeds this supply.

America, I’m losing my faith in you. You have been duped. Pull your heads out from underneath the rock you have been hiding under.

The vision of Saving Our Sisters, founded by Lynn Johansenn, that has garnered overwhelming support from the adoption community, is coming to fruition with the help of Concerned United Birthparents (otherwise known as “CUB”). I am happy to say that, as of today, Saving Our Sisters (otherwise known as “SOS”) is officially partnering with CUB. I am so excited about this new partnership and know that good things are in the future of the adoption community. I’m sure there will be many questions and this post is to help answer them.

“Concerned United Birthparents, Inc. provides support for all family members separated by adoption; resources to help prevent unnecessary family separations; education about the life-long impact on all who are affected by adoption; and advocates for fair and ethical adoption laws, policies, and practices.”

As you can see, SOS will help to enhance this mission. CUB has been, and will continue to do, wonderful work in the adoption community. SOS will provide concrete tools in the prevention of unnecessary family separations via adoption.

What changes are coming to SOS because of this partnership?

There are many things that will be changing, but so much is staying the same. SOS will now have the ability to keep organized in all facets such as accounting and the ability to easily collect tax-deductible donations via the web. Additionally, SOS will gain heavy exposure benefiting from the many relationships that CUB has been able to create, maintain, and evolve over the last nearly 40 years. Part of this exposure includes SOS being launched on the CUB website, whereas, in the past, SOS has had a limited Internet presence relying on Facebook and blog posts to keep members up to date. Because of CUB’s gracious partnership, SOS will be able to continue the great work we do, focusing on moms and families, without worrying about the technicalities of website maintenance, accounting, and other things. All of these things enable SOS to focus on preserving families.

NEW THINGS

There is now an official SOS membership. If you visit the CUB website and wish to join CUB as a member you will now see “Saving Our Sisters/CUB Membership” as an option. This will give you all of the same benefits and perks of an official CUB membership. The annual membership fee is $40 and, as CUB states, “By becoming a member, you add your voice to the chorus, which seeks to educate the public about the life-long effects of adoption on everyone in the triad. We welcome adopted individuals and their family members, adoptive parents and professionals. Your membership helps us host an annual retreat for learning, healing and drawing strength from one another, and produce our quarterly newsletter, the Communicator.” We can now add, “Helping families stay together” as one of the perks of a CUB/SOS membership.

Because CUB has taken a huge leap of faith by partnering with SOS, we have to do our best to ensure, when at all possible, that those we come in contact with are aware that all of our members are volunteers and that we are experienced in dealing with the sensitive situations we encounter. Paid SOS members will soon have the choice to go through training and become official Sisters on the Ground or “SOG’s.” These are our “boots on the ground” people who vet new moms, face to face, and stay in contact with them as long as the mother requests while she is making strides to improving her own situation. . The most pertinent part of becoming an SOG is the implication of a “code of conduct” so that you and all members of CUB/SOS can rest assured that we are conducting ourselves ethically and respectfully while representing the CUB/SOS name and reputation. By agreeing to go through CUB/SOS training the risk becomes minimal for our organization which will allow us to keep our non-profit status and continue to help families for years to come.

Just as before, you are not required to become a paid member to donate money or items, refer moms to SOS or participate in other ways. We are all one big community and it is that sentiment that we want to hold onto. Without our donors we would not exist. Without our eyes and ears, that are all of you, we would not know where to find our moms. You are important. The membership is not to exclude anyone.

Online donations of monetary value will now go through the CUB website and you may be able to deduct your donations on your federal taxes. Be sure to indicate, while donating, that you will need a receipt. You should contact your tax adviser for clarification. SOS can also accept monetary donations, by USPS mail, straight to CUB. Just indicate it is a donation for SOS.

How to Donate Online Online

Visit the CUB website and click on the “DONATE” tab. You will have the option to click on Saving Our Sisters to have 100% of your donation allocated to SOS.

In Summary

I know this all seems so technical. By organizing, dotting our “i’s” and crossing our “t’s” we assure that we can help as many families as possible and that no mistakes are made that would risk the organization altogether.

These last few years have given SOS valuable lessons on how to best help mothers and the varying situations they may be in. We have learned so much. We have made mistakes, we have trusted when we shouldn’t have. Everything that is happening today is a direct result from those very important lessons. We want to protect our community, our donors, our organization, and, of course, the families we are helping.

This is an exciting time for Saving Our Sisters and Concerned United Birthparents. Together we are a force to be reckoned with. Together we can change our culture, our society, and work to fulfill our mission statement, together. Please join us in this exciting endeavor!

If you wish to become an official SOS member, and have a possibility of becoming a Sister On the Ground, please click on this link: Cubirthparents Sign Up

**If you are reading this post on Musings of the Lame, it is a syndicated post. To visit the links please scroll to the top of the page and click on “Beemom” to see the original post with hyperlinks included.**

Life has been busy. I started working full time, in addition to going to school full time. I know I’ve been neglecting this blog and I really wish I had more time to write.

There are so many good things in the works right now, as far as family preservation efforts are concerned. I can’t wait until the day I can share it with you all.

One day I was driving and my youngest daughter was in the car with me. She said, “If you wouldn’t have given IKL up for adoption then you wouldn’t be helping so many people with like searches and stuff or to help other people keep their babies.” I had to think for a few minutes before I responded. I hate the “God-ordained meant to be” adoption stories. This was bordering close to it. I told her that she was right. Had I not went through what I went through then I wouldn’t exist in this adoption world. I told her that sometimes when something bad happens to us we use it to do good things so it won’t happen to anyone else. I also emphasized that, if given the choice to go back in time, I would not be helping anyone and would instead be parenting my daughter. Don’t get me wrong, I love to help people and it is very rewarding. But would I trade my daughter for it? Sorry, but no. Not in a million years.

I’ve been in a semi-reunion with IKL for a few weeks now. I could never understand moms who turned their “found” children away. I think I do now. Under no circumstances would I ever turn her away, ever, but I understood where the fear comes from. I spent years fantasizing about the day we were reunited. When it was upon me the first thought I had was, “Please don’t reject me. I don’t know if I could take it. I would probably die.” Part of me wanted to just close that door and not open it again to avoid the possibility of the pain of relinquishment all over again. For some, I imagine, it is easier to never let their children in than to have to say goodbye again. It’s terrifying. To me, however, it’s worth it and it’s the very least I can do for my daughter.

So, I’m still here, just busy with life and trying to keep my fear at bay.

“Had I loved him any less – one ounce less – he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart.”

I saw this picture floating around social media the other day. I was bothered by it immediately. On the surface it looks nice, pleasant, loving, and the epitome of what a mother is. A mother breaks her own heart for the good of her own child because her love is so great for that child. If her love was any less – one ounce less – she wouldn’t dare break her own heart in order for her child to be okay. This is a true statement. Certainly not of all mothers, but biology says us mothers are wired to protect our young, because of our immense love for them, even if it means great personal cost or pain. This is precisely why the picture above bothered me. I found it manipulative of the strong instinct a mother has for her child. This picture says, “It was only because I loved my son so much that I gave him up. Those who choose to parent their child in less than ideal circumstances do not love their child as much as I do. As much as the world says a mother should.”

This is the message being portrayed to expectant mothers everywhere. If you love your child you will not let them be parented by you. You are harmful. You are detrimental. You are not good enough. You must give him up or you don’t really love him as much as you should. There is a demand for newborn babies to be adopted. It’s just reality. While pictures such as this don’t seem like all out coercion, it is a subtle manipulation which, to me, is just as bad. There is a psychology behind all of this. Not every agency, attorney, or facilitator will use manipulation or coercion to convince a mother that adoption is what’s best for her baby and she is NOT what’s best. A great deal of them do, however. This manipulation plays on the most important thing given to mothers. The maternal instinct that will drive a woman to sacrifice her life for her child. This instinct is used against expectant mothers who don’t have nearly as much as a prospective adoptive parent to offer their unborn child. If you are able to manipulate a mother into believing that keeping her child means she doesn’t love them as much as she should, you have struck the jackpot, in regards to securing the relinquishment of her parental rights to fulfill part of the demand I mentioned above. I will affirm, once again, that adoption should never be about finding children for homes that want them and should always be about finding homes for children who need them. There is a huge difference between the two.

I’m not sure where this quote originated from, but a quick search brings me to an adoption agency website with a more thorough version of this quote. It wouldn’t surprise me if this is where it originated. The quote, in its entirety, is attributed to “Tamra” and is featured on America Adopts.

“I once heard a girl who had decided to parent her child say, “My baby’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” I believed her. But I wanted to ask, “Are you the best thing that could’ve happened to your baby?”…Had I loved (my son) any less—one ounce less—he would be with me now! My love for him was the only thing that could enable me to break my own heart. I didn’t just feel love; I did what love dictated.”

I once heard a girl….sure you did. I don’t believe that for a minute. The above quote was carefully configured to play on the heart strings of worried expectant mothers everywhere. It was created with the hope that it would help secure more babies to meet the demand.

I pondered this quote for a few hours. A few things came to mind. I’m an avid reader and a huge fan of Stephen King. Even if you aren’t a reader, I’m sure most of you have probably seen the movie “The Green Mile” based off of a short story by Stephen King. If you haven’t, I won’t spoil it all the way for you, but you may want to stop reading (and miss the point of my post). There’s an inmate, John Coffey, who is accused of committing a heinous crime. Two young sisters have been murdered. John was found with both girls in his hands. He is crying and says, “I tried to take it back but it was too late.” He is arrested for the crime and sent to death row. We learn, later in the movie, that Mr. Coffey has an amazing gift of healing. He is also a bit cognitively delayed so he doesn’t understand many things. He is a huge man, and African-American during a time where the color of your skin could automatically implicate you in any crime. We learn that John Coffey is a gentle giant who was trying to “take back” the murder of the girls with his healing power. At the end of the movie we are shown who the true assailant is; a man named Wild Bill, who takes the girls and keeps them both quiet so he can commit his crime, by telling each of them that he will kill the other girl if she is not quiet. He says, “You love your sister? You make any noise, you know what happens. I’m gonna kill her instead of you. Understand?” Wild Bill relies on the love the sisters have for each other. A love that is willing to sacrifice their selves to protect the other. A love like that of a love a mother has for her child. With this threat, Wild Bill is able to keep both of the girls quiet long enough to assault and brutally murder the girls. He manipulates them both with their love for each other.

John Coffey sums it up perfectly. He says, “He kill them wi’ their love. Wi’ their love fo’ each other. That’s how it is, every day, all over the world.” Some of the wisest words ever spoken. While no one is being physically killed in adoption, an emotional death does occur for many people. Especially people who start to realize, sometimes years later, that they were manipulated out of their child, that they were good enough (even if they were not well off financially), and that keeping their child didn’t mean they didn’t love them or loved them less. They become angry when they realized their loved was used against them in order for someone else to gain their child.

And then they find their voices. And then, sometimes, adoptees find theirs and become angry as well. Is it so hard to ask people involved in facilitating adoption to act ethically, responsibly? Let’s make this clear, for those who aren’t aware – legal and ethical are not always the same thing. What’s legal is not always ethical and vice versa.

Is it right to use subtle manipulation to convince a mother to give up her child? It is ethical? Is it right to convey the message the mothers who decide to parent, regardless of their circumstances, love their child less? Is that ethical?

He kill them wi’ their love. Wi’ their love fo’ each other. That’s how it is, every day, all over the world.