Tag: lifeupdates

In my last life update, I was positive. Optimistic. Well, it all went down the toilette on November 1st.

The irony.

A little bit of background story…. In Italy, November 1st is a national holiday. It’s the day when, if you’re christian, you celebrate the gestures and sacrifices Saints made throughout the history of Christianity. (Which is sort of funny because November 2nd is the day in which we remember the people who died, we go to the cemetery to visit them and we pay our respects).

Aside from this lesson in Christian culture (that I’m not really a fan of), I was supposed to take my granddad to the city centre. He is 87 and they revoked his driving license. I got mine so I could help out and so at 9.45AM I was ready to pick him up.

Long story short, a lady hit me with her car 50 meters after I dropped him off. She didn’t stop at the STOP sign and hit me on my left side.

MY WORST NIGHTMARE.

I’ve talked about my fear of driving extensively on this blog. A car accident was the main thing I was terrified about. The worst possible scenario that could have happened did. We weren’t hurt. Not even a little bit. We were both going so slow. I was at 25 km/h, she was even slower. But it did happen. And this completely threw me off.

I had started going to Uni and for two weeks, I was paralyzed at home, scared of my own shadow. I cried for 3 days straight. Every time someone brought up the word “car”, I would just freeze and my eyes would water.

So, yeah. My positive blog entry jinxed me.

Three days ago, we brought the car back home. It was in the shop for a month and the insurance company took care of everything. And yet, I’m still terrified. I hate it so much. I’m a responsible driver. I go slow, I stop at every sign, I don’t go over the limit. NEVER. But every time I see a car coming from my left or right side, I flinch.

My mom has been incredibly supportive. When I broke down sobbing after we did the accident report with the lady, she said she was so sorry and she was hurting for me because she knew how scared I was of driving. She says that now I’ve been “baptized” and that everything from now on, it’s going to go smoothly. Ever the pessimist that I am, I don’t really believe her.

It was just back luck. In italy, we call it “sfiga”.

Our family friend had the best response. His wife bumped the car against a lamp pole a couple of months before and he said: “I wish it would have happened to me, so the insurance would fix it and I wouldn’t have to pay it myself.”

It was a dumb joke that I desperately needed. So thanks, V.

It took me a month to be semi-okay with this. But since today, I went and took my granddad to the city centre for his bar chats with his friends (and nothing happened), I wanted to get it out of my chest.

I’m off now. I have to go and bring him back home.

(as I was writing this, my mom said my uncle is going to take him home. I so relieved you can’t even imagine it.)

I’ve been pretty absent from the wordpress world lately. Life got busy and this takes so much time!!!

I have a lot of posts I have started writing and never finished, but this morning I took the pictures for my Summer/Autumn haul (yes, I am very behind) and for the post I’ve been cooking for months: 4 favourite red lipsticks.

Anyway, these two months have been surprisingly great! Mentally, I’ve been doing incredibly well. I am actually going to university, I got my driver’s licence and I’ve been working as a teacher for one afternoon a week plus two hours of tutoring.

It’s not much, especially money-wise, but I haven’t cried in a long time.

I’ve started wearing make-up everyday again, I got super obsessed with Brooklyn Nine Nine… I think in the span of two weeks I’ve seen every single Brooklyn Nine Nine episode ever made at least three times. Maybe even four.

My closest friend got super obsessed with it and we’ve been geeking out like crazy.

Going back to the makeup part for a second, I think I FINALLY found my correct shade of foundation. Jury is still out, but I’m almost sure. (I still have doubts). And I’ve been experimenting with highlighters. To tell the truth, it’s a champagne-y eyeshadow my friend bought me and I’m not really positive it looks good. I am 75% sure it’s just glitter on my face.

I haven’t listened to ANY podcasts in a while. I was obsessed with the entire “crocked media” family but it takes up so much of my time!

I’ve also been reading!

(This post is just the most random thing ever. It’s literally a stream of consciousness kind of situation.)

Every time I watch a booktube video I get super inspired and I’ve almost reached my 2017 reading goal AGAIN! I am pretty chuffed with that…

Also, I’ve started driving alone. And even though I was pretty scared, it’s not too bad. I even put music on the other day. I could barely hear it (because I was scared I was going to get distracted, cause an incident and die), but today I almost sang an entire “Hamilton” song. (It was “My Shot”, if you’re wondering).

Anyway, I think I’m done. This doesn’t even make that much sense, but who cares!

I’ll try to be more consistent, since there are many topics I wish to discuss and get into.

Weirdly enough, mentally, I was almost ok. But let’s start from the beginning: I emailed a few of my university professor in order to get the materials to study for my exams and so I had to go to Uni and actually talk to them. I need to do at least 2 exams this year or my mom will have a heart attack and I will have to explain to people why I didn’t, so in order to avoid all of this lying and unnecessary stress, I’m doing this. Even if it devastates me.

Anyway, I knew that if I didn’t have anyone pushing me to go talks to the professors, I wouldn’t have gone. But I did.

To summon everything up, my friend arrived late to pick me up and we missed out train. So we arrived in Venice late and therefore I got to the building where the professor was holding meetings late and I spent an hour waiting. Then we went back to the station and guess what? We missed the train AGAIN because my friend was again LATE.

But I held it. I didn’t say anything, I stayed calm. Even though this caused me to be late again, I ate in a haste and then I went to tutor some kids. For almost four hours. With an excruciatingly painful headache.

I’ve been suffering from terrible headaches recently. Like this one, they start at midday, I can’t concentrate and even moving ONE muscle feels like nails drilling into my brain.

I really kept my cool, not a scrap of makeup on my face and kept on smiling. But the real question is: how can you miss two trains in the span of 5 hours. Please tell me. I repeatedly told her I had a full day and no time to waste. I had to go back the next day and I sooooooo didn’t tell her that I was. I was truly upset.

I hadn’t slept very well the night before. I was so scared about going to Venice and dealing with all of that university stuff. I’ve been doing a little bit better, studying for my driving license exam and opening the uni website without having a panic attack. So, of course, I took this opportunity for actually getting things done.

Franky, I don’t know what’s been going on with me. Some days are awful. Some are better. This week it’s been good. The last one wasn’t. I sat on my bed crying for a while, feeling too frightened to even get out of the house.

Tomorrow is Easter. The family will gather both on Sunday and on Monday. This means questions, scrutiny and a lot of judgy looks. Let’s hope next week is going to be just as good at this one. Without the missed trains.

I am 20 years old and I do not have a driving licence. In the small town where I live there are no means of transportation than can allow me to go around without a car, so I am basically forced to get it.

I hate it. Totally hate studying for my theory test. I think the questions are stupid an purposefully made to confuse me.

Anyway, I have been trying fo a while to study, but frankly the reason why I seem to be unable to pass the test is that I have terrified of actually driving a car.

I am a pretty paranoid person. Well, no. I am a SUPER paranoid person. And a control freak. So being behind the wheel and driving a car is scaring me to death. I NEED to be in control of what’s happening around me.

My family has been pressuring me to get the licence and the more they ask about it, the more scared I am.

As of now, I’m studying the manual again. Usually I read it, study it then I get to the tests and I CAN’T PASS THEM!!! So obviously I get frustrated and I abandon everything. This defeats my concept:

YOU STUDY => YOU LEARN => YOU PASS YOUR EXAM => YOU GET YOUR LICENCE

But my logic doesn’t seem to work in this situation and it is making me quite frustrated. I am halfway through the book and I have been using a new method of study: flashcards.

I saw it on Grey’s Anatomy and I decided to give it a go. Don’t know if it will work.

The next step: ask my mom to take to the place where I can book the test. Like that is going to be easy!