Thursday, 15 March 2012

Emotional Slavery

EMOTIONAL SLAVERY

Well. it has been sometime now that I have posted anything but I have not stopped writing. I have been dwelling on uncertainty for some time now. I believe that 'Uncertainty' is not a thing but it is a feeling.

For me , it is like reaching a crossroad and not being able to decide which path to take. It takes a longer time to dwell on the issues surrounding the topic of 'uncertainty'.

Though it is only a feeling, it is not a very nice one expecially when it concerns other people in our very circle of life. I feel that I can only help to make myself feel better by not being an emotional slave to anyone or any events that is not within my control.

Fortunately, I have very good friends, relatives, two mentors and my sanity to help me along my journey.

They have one very good value and that is patience . Patience to allow me to be where I am and respect my ' space'.

I have realised what I have been for the last couple of years during a conversation with one of my mentors, John.

I have been an emotional slave to certain people. It was not getting any better for my self worth if I had carried on with 'sitting' with the feeling longer than usual.

When we allow ourselves to be emotional slaves, we allow others to dictate to us what their model of the world is.

We lose connection with Self.

As John brought up the analogy of the labels that we see on containers or bottles, he brought to light what I have been doing with myself.

This is John's analogy:-

For one moment, visualise oneself as a container with a label or labels. The labels are what other people's perception are about us. They would perceive the contents as they see and read the labels of what they would like to 'purchase' or not. Even if after purchasing the item , they might not like it. Even if they like it, they might heap praises and 'recommend' the product to others. If they dislike the product, they would spread the news ( gossip ) that the product is not good.

So what is important?

We have to be comfortable with our very own 'Identity' i.e. our 'label'. If we are the 'stuff' in the bottle/container, would we not choose to know ourselves?

Would we not want to like ourselves for our values, believes, concerns, needs, capabilities and so on?

So if we do not 'like' ourselves and are dependent on what others perceive of us, then what reason is it for them to approve of us?

When I say 'like' , I mean approve. As long as we approve of our values, needs , behaviour, time, identity, environment ( where we are in the moment ) , need we have others to 'label' us?

Our needs affect our feelings. Our feelings make us vulnerable. If we have people who do not meet any of our needs, do we need them labeling us with their own model of their world?

Even if we are consciously or sub-consciously following a 'Spiritual Path' do we need to stay in dysfunctional relationships that 'do' us no- good?

It will be likened to having drugs for the sake of being nice to people who are 'not doing us any good'.

There are people who time and time again 'put us down' by criticising us even though we have tried our best.

We can choose not to risk our sanity on the 'judgement' of others.

We can change and be happy with our very own code of ethics.

Be aware that no one can change us except ourselves. No one can frustrate us except ourselves.

So we can reflect on our very own identity and know our values .

When we choose to live our lives according to our values, we are capable to escape the 'pain' of needing other people's approval of who we really are.

When our code of ethics, code of conduct, code of values. rules that we live by and positive beliefs are not met within us, we may feel an incongruence in our body. It is a sort of 'sick' feeling that could be felt in the solar plexus or anywhere else in the body. Just pay attention to what your body is telling you.

CREATE a ' LABEL' of WHO YOU ARE... Know thyself.

WHAT ARE YOUR VALUES?

WHAT ARE YOUR POSITIVE CAPABILITIES?

ASK YOURSELF WHICH 'ENVIRONMENT' YOU WANT TO BE AT i.e your surrounding area where you breathe and live and be.

Stick your label inside a jar and read it on a daily basis.

I

ME

MY

MYSELF

is our human identity.

Never be a dustbin for other people's woes.

A thought for us to be conscious of :-

Notice that when we use the word I consciously, we may be able to realise that the ' I ' is more than what we think we are.

We can say I feel but if we say ' I AM ', be conscious of what we are saying.