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Thursday, August 11, 2011

This week marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of The Transformers: The Movie, the movie that introduced us to Unicron, Galvatron, dead Optimus and rockin' Stan Bush! To celebrate this momentous occasion, I scoured the Ark's archives for the most badass Transformers codenames ever!

The Transformers, in its 25+ year history, has had its share of badass names. You could never really forget a name like Optimus Prime or Tryptichon, and so we celebrate the names of the Transformers who, when pressed for an introduction, need only to say their name once!And since it's like choosing your favorite children, I'm breaking down this countdown into two parts, one for the Autobots and one for the Decepticons.

So let's start with those dastardly Decepticons! Which names evoke the most badassitude? I ranked them now so you won't have to!

Oh, and you know what I learned from all this? Pretenders get the most badass names.

5. Octopunch

If you don't think this name is badass enough, I pity your lack of imagination. It's names like these that made Saturday afternoons worth living, as you imagine an evil robot that dresses up as a deep-sea diver from hell punching his enemies twice in the solar plexus, twice in the back of the head and four times in the face for good measure.

4. Skullgrin

Autobot nightmares almost always involve Skullgrin here, our top 4 most badass Decepticon name ever. There's no redeeming factor to a name like Skullgrin, nothing you can spin as cuddly or cute about it. The name is just straight-up scary. It doesn't help that his Pretender shell is basically the stuff you check your closets every night for: a demonic barbarian sporting a bleached white skull with devil horns for a head. That's okay, robots don't need sleep anyway.

3. Gutcruncher

Oh Gutcruncher, you so badass. With a name like that, your reputation certainly precedes you. I don't even know what a Gutcruncher is. Does he have abs? Is it a new exercise machine that blasts your abs and obliques? I bet this Decepticon doesn't care. He's a robot that drives his very own fighter jet.

A Transformer. Who drives a fighter jet. I love Transformers so much.

2. Hun-gurr

Whoever thought up of this name hopefully got a raise, a bonus, and a nice Boracay vacation for his whole family. There's no other name in the Decepticon ranks that evoke as much badass as Hun-gurrr here. I mean, he's both hungry AND angry! Two sins for the price of one! As a Terrorcon, he likes to nibble on Autobots while feasting on the spoils of the Great War, all while sitting pretty with a name any 80's kid would wish he was born with. But they might change their mind with our Top 1...

1. Bruticus

Bruticus claims the dubious title of most badass Decepticon name, for no better reason than the name is nothing short of brutal. He's the sum total of the Combaticon combiner team, and his name sounds like a sadistic Roman gladiator. He's one of the strongest Transformers ever, and Autobots pray to Primus that the Combaticons don't feel like combining during one of their daily skirmishes. A giant homicidal Transformer composed of army vehicles deserve a name like Bruticus, and certainly deserve the title of most badass Decepticon name ever!

And those are our top 5 badass Decepticon names. These evil robots may have gotten the short end of the goodness stick, but they more than made up for it with names only a sick and twisted Megatron would love!

Stay tuned for the part 2, with our top 5 badass Autobot names! Thanks for reading!

Be the grains of sand, and nothing but time will take you. The rocks must become it, the waves and wind must bear it and those who would hold it find it slips through their grasp. Always some trace in a faraway nook, if never the whole is seen again.