A Beyoncé Concert From a Male’s Perspective

I have never seen the line for the men's room so short at Gillette Stadium before in my life

"The past two hours have felt like a dream, am I dead?" was a phrase I heard when exiting Gillette Stadium Sunday night after the On The Run II Tour wrapped up. I do believe this woman, in her early 20's with smudged mascara and flowers woven into her hair, did in fact have an out-of-body experience.

I've seen firsthand the affect Queen Bey had on a stadium filled with thousands of women claiming to be her number one fan. And oh yeah, the greatest rapper of all time, Jay-Z, was there as well.

Let me first start by saying the performance was impeccable. I felt like I was watching a two-hour Super Bowl halftime show. The number of costume changes and dance routines that needed to be executed was top-notch. Flawless, as some Bee Hive fanatics would say. But as far as the actual music, I couldn't tell you how Beyoncé did. Every minor action she pulled off was followed by piercing, thunderous screams from every corner of Gillette. For example:

And then...Jay-Z got on stage. The same Jay-Z who has won 21 Grammy awards, is the almost billionaire founder of Rocawear, part owner of the Brooklyn Nets NBA team. That Jay-Z. When it was his turn to perform, it felt like Gillette as a whole went:

It was almost as if he got on stage and said, "If you would like to go use the restroom, I will be performing for the next seven minutes." The stadium's energy was gone. Minus the handful of boyfriends who were dragged to the concert, myself included.

And the sad thing is, Jay-Z was just as show-stopping as his wife. The man is almost 50 and he was out there bringing down the house. At least he should have been.

Lastly, I felt severely under-dressed. A stadium full of sweaty bodies on a 90-degree day had me thinking to dress light. I threw on my best Hawaiian shirt and shorts, because I'm a classy man, and I thought I would be good.

Nah. I wasn't.

Every woman in the stadium dressed as if this was an audition to be Beyoncé's back up dancer. So much spandex, so much glitter, so many ponytails and fierce makeup. One woman had Mickey Mouse ears on that both had Beyoncé's face on it. What are you trying to accomplish? Another wore an eight foot cape with Beyoncé's lyrics. How are you going to walk in a crowd with that?

Maybe I'm just not hip. Actually I know I'm not, I wore a Hawaiian shirt to a concert. But I just felt out of place.

I guess the only highlight was that the men's bathroom lines were laughable.