Monday, July 6, 2009

A New Week, a New Start

Sorry I skipped the entire weekend blogging. It was a very busy weekend full of great experiences, and some not so good ones too. Lets start with Thursday night.

Thursday night, I usually do laundry but I wanted to play Ultimate Frisbee. Since I had Friday off for the holiday, I went to Ultimate instead and got horribly sweaty and gross playing. It was fun. We also went out to dinner at Noodles and Company and I had the Tuscan Linguini without cheese. It was delicious. Thursday night went well.

On Friday morning, however, my alarm went of at 6:15 and I couldn't fall back to sleep so I went and did laundry in the very early morning. I should have been doing that all along. With no one else fighting over two washers and three dryers, everything gets done much faster and without so much heartache. After laundry, I bummed around and went to the store to get fixings for an Ice cream cake to bring to the potluck we were having. The cake is a whole 6 points a serving but it was delicious and got eaten very quickly. I also had some great pasta and this wonderful spinach, strawberry and pecan salad. Oh and chicken fajitas! I had planned for that potluck to be heavy so I was in the green to pretty much let my stomach have what it wanted. Then we played Midnight Ultimate with some pretty mediocre glow sticks. Other than getting beaned in the head with the light-up frisbee and not being able to see anyone, it was a blast. I even caught a frisbee and scored a point for my team. (I'm horribly clumsy with not much hand-eye coordination. That was a miracle!) We headed back, played some smash and hit the sheets around 2 am.

I got up early on Saturday too because we wanted to go see the 4th of July parade in DC. So I and 4 other people left for the Metro station at about 9:00 and went into DC. The parade was a lot of fun and very long. We had a great spot in a semi-shaded area and I could see everything really well. Then we went to the mall to wander the Folk Festival and to eat fun and weird foods. I had a Welsh Lamb Stew and it was really good except that it was about 90 degrees F outside and the stew was boiling lava hot. And because it was so hot, I got a little dehydrated and became miss grumpy pants. I feel really bad for how I acted but thing weren't going according to plan. We went early and were kindly saving spots for about 20 other people so the could see the DC fireworks. They were late. And then they didn't like our spot and picked a new one. At least they told us. There spot was better though. Unfortnately, I sat crosslegged in the grass for so long in the sun that I have a very strange shaped sunburn on the insides of my legs. I hope they fade before the wedding on Saturday.

The fireworks were spectacular. Just beautiful. Leaving from the fireworks was NOT. As soon as the last light in the sky extinguished, my group and I immediately started packing up camp and jogging to the Metro to try to beat much of the crowds. I tried to keep up with them but I got stuck behind an old, fat woman who was trying to step over a rope fence. After helping her, I looked up and everyone was completely and utterly gone. I was alone in a giant crowd in DC without a map.

Let me break from this for a moment so I can describe three irrational fears, also known as phobias, that I suffer from. One is a fear of stinging insects, Cnidophobia, another is a fear of small spaces, Claustrophobia and the last is a fear of crowds, Enochlophobia. Any one or combination of those can cause panic attacks for me. If you have ever had a panic attack, you know how debilitating, embarrasing and tiring it can be. So, why go to DC on the Fourth... or at all, for that matter? I can't let fear keep me from living. You shouldn't either.

So I was alone in DC. I called people but no one could hear their phone above the roar of the crowd. I had to go alone. I followed the crowd, trying to keep as much space between me and the next guy as I could. I ended up at the wrong Metro station but it was okay because all the line are connected. I watched a train go by before I got up the courage to shove myself in with the crowd in that small car. It was horrifying how many people were touching me. I couldn't move and could barely breathe. I was trembling and sweating and my heart was racing and... everything. I wanted to scream and cry and leave but I couldn't. I can't describe a panic attack to you. It felt like that ride took forever and I had to shuffle through that wall of people to get off so I could get on to another similarly crowded train to get back home. I felt so out of control and so alone. I prayed most of the way home, stopping only to change trains and check stations.

By the time I got to the Metro station near the suites, I was completely drained of emotion and energy. I had to wait about ten minutes for the rest of my party to get in and when they did, my roommate tried to hug me. I pushed her away. We went back to the suites and I ate some sugary things, had two glasses of water, cried so hard my nose bled and tried to explain what happened.

I don't think people understand what it is really like. I don't think that they can truly visualize the experience without having experienced it on their own. Since then, I talked about the experience more and more to help me shake of the feelings, to laugh them off and to hopefully make someone understand. I don't think they do yet.

Sorry for rambling. Ttfn.

Weight loss tip of the day: It is ok to fall off the bandwagon as long as you get back on again. You can't expect yourself to be perfect all the time.

1 comment:

Awww...at least you are okay now. And you know that they didn't mean to leave you behind. I hope things get better. But you get to experience everything that goes on in a bigger city which is cool to say the least.