Erlkönig: bad-days.shtml

A LITTLE CROWDED
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bad day the day you died.
The policy would go into effect at noon the following day.
So the next day at 12:01 the first person came to the gates of Heaven.
The angel at the gate, remembering about the new law, promptly asked
the man, "Before I can let you in, I need you to tell me about the day
you died."
"No problem.", said the man. "Well, for some time now, I've thought
my wife was having an affair. I believed that each day on her lunch
hour, she'd bring her lover home to our 25th floor apartment and have
sex with him. So today I was going to come home too and catch them.
Well, I got there and busted in and immediately began searching for
this guy. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched
the entire apartment. But, damn it, I couldn't find him!
Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his
fingertips! The nerve of that guy to think he could hide from me!
Well, I ran out there and promptly stomped on his fingers until he
fell to the ground. But, wouldn't you know it, he landed in some
bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. In a rage I went back
inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him.
And oddly enough, the first thing I could grab was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and heaved it over the
side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of
the moment was so great that right after that I had a heart attack and
died almost instantly."
The angel sat back and thought for a moment. Technically, the guy DID
have a bad day, and it WAS a crime of passion, so he announced, "Ok,
sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven.", and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up.
"Ok. Here's the rule. Before I can let you in, I need to hear about
the day you died."
"Sure thing.", the man replied. "But you're not gonna believe this. I
was out on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily
exercises when I got a little carried away and accidentally fell over
the side!
Luckily however, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the
balcony directly beneath mine. When all of a sudden this crazy man
comes running out of his apartment and starts cussing and stomping on
my fingers! Well of course I fall. I hit some trees and bushes on
the way down which broke my fall so I didn't die right away. As I'm
laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating
pain, I see the man push his refrigerator, of all things, over the
ledge and it falls directly on top of me and kills me!"
The angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his
story. "I could get used to this new policy.", he thinks to himself.
"Very well.", the angel announces. "Welcome to the Kingdom of
Heaven.",
and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later the third man in line comes up to the gate.
"Tell me about the day you died.", said the angel.
"Ok. Picture this.", says the man. "I'm naked inside a
refrigerator...."