Your author is en route to Chicago to attend the annual meeting of the American Society of Clinical Oncology. It’s the first time in years I’ll be there, and I’m looking forward to it – the next phase of my career, a blend of academics and new writing.

So it seems a fitting time to put this blog on hiatus. Not to worry, as always, I’ll pay attention to the conference proceedings. I’ll take extensive notes on cancer science and drugs. And I’ll see some old friends in the Windy City.

You will hear from me again soon!

To all of my readers, and especially those who have commented here or otherwise connected through Medical Lessons over the years, I say thank you. I’ve learned a lot, and not just about medicine.

Yesterday I learned that a woman I know slightly, a journalist, has Stage 4 lung cancer. Debra Sherman is a reporter for Reuters and began a blog, Cancer in Context. It’s a moving start of what I hope is a long journey.

What struck me is how Debra describes crossing a line, a bit the way I felt when I found out I had breast cancer. She writes:

I have been writing about medical technology and healthcare for more than a decade. I’ve covered the major medical meetings, including the big one on cancer. I’ve written stories about new cancer drugs and treatments…I wrote those stories objectively and never imagined any would ever apply to me.

She’s shifted from what you might call a “straight” reporter to an i-reporter journalist. And although it’s true that Debra may be less objective than some other writers on the subject, she’s already knowledgeable – through her prior work – on many of the relevant terms and issues. Much of what she knows already, vocabulary included, may allow her to make more informed decisions. It’s possible it may enable her to write in a way that helps readers more than ever.

Earth, from space (NASA image, Wiki-commons

I wish her the best with her column, and with her health ahead.

The bigger issue, of which the story reminds me, is that we’re living among too many young and middle-aged people who have cancer. Every day I read or hear of another case among my neighbors, a friend, a blog. Each reminds me of the need for research, better drugs, and greater knowledge of why so many tumor types – including lung cancer in women who haven’t smoked much, and breast cancer in young women – are on the rise.

The ASCO meeting, where believe me I wish I could be but can’t now, offers a bright picture for targeted drugs, genomics, novel immunotherapy and better data access and analyses through a huge new platform called CancerLinQ, All good. Great, really.

In thinking about each new case in my “world” – if I could pick a field for future investigation that might lead to insight on cancer’s causes and, ultimately, reduce the cancer burden 30 and 50 years from now, I might choose the tiny, under-funded area of environmental oncology

That’s a tough field. Most oncologists want to work with patients. Researchers want to publish papers. Cause-and-effect is hard to demonstrate, especially when most of the data is untenable and you’re up against businesses, politics and people who, understandably, don’t recall precisely what they ingested years ago. But to stop cancer from happening so much, that’s where the money is. IMO, nothing more.

This post is probably a bad idea. But I’ve been pondering it for two days now, since the room around me starting spinning. And I wish I were Jack Kerouac now, so that it wouldn’t matter so much if my thoughts are clear but that I tapped them out. Rat tat tat. Or Frank Sinatra with a cold. You’d want to know either of those guys, in detail. Up-close, loud, even breathing on you. You’d hire ‘em. Because even when they’re down, they’re good. Handsome. Cool, slick, unforgettable. Illness doesn’t capture them, or define them.

Two days ago I was feeling great. I went to the National Press Club for the first time, and was excited about some presentations I heard there, about which I took careful notes and intend, eventually, to share with some commentary. It was a sunny day, and I bought some groceries, planning a bunch of posts and to finish a freelance piece. In the evening I had dinner with my husband, and it seemed like my life was on track.

The rash was the first thing. Just some red, itchy bumps on the back of my neck. And then fatigue. Not just a little tired, but like I couldn’t write a sentence. And since then I’ve been in the center of a kaleidoscope, everything moving clockwise around my head. It’s not bright purple or hot pink and blue and stained glass-green kinds of colors circling, but the drab objects in the bedroom: the lamp, the shadow cast by the top of the door, the rows of light through the blinds, the brown and beige sheets, the back cover of last month’s Atlantic and my reading glasses on the nightstand, the gray bowl I’ve placed at hand, just in case I barf again. Walking is tricky. I’m dehydrated and weak, and my vision’s blurred.

This is not a pretty scene, if you could see it. And that’s the thing. The point.

Because in my experience, which is not trivial, people on both sides of illness – professionals and people you just know – are drawn to healthy people. A broken arm, a low-stage breast cancer that’s treated and done with, a bout of pneumonia – these are things that a career can afford, an editor can handle, friends can be supportive. But when you have one thing, and then another, and then another, it gets scary, it weighs you down. Just when you start feeling OK, and confident, something happens and you’re back, as a patient.

Today, in the apartment on this spring day, with fever and fatigue, I’ve got no choice. I am not a consumer now. Not even close. That is my role, maybe, when I go to the dentist and decline having x-rays or my teeth whitened. No choice, except if I go to a hospital, to have a bunch of blood drawn and my husband would fill in the forms before the doctors who don’t know me in this city inform me I’ve got a viral infection, and labrynthitis as I’ve had a dozen times before, all of a sudden, disabling. Nothing to do but rest and hydrate. And wish I’d gotten some other work done, but I couldn’t.

I’ve got to go with it, my health or illness, be that as it is. No careful critiques of comparative effectiveness research today. No reading about the Choosing Wisely guidelines. No post on Dengue, as I’d planned for yesterday. Like many people with illnesses – and many with far more serious conditions – I’m disappointed. Maybe because I was sick as a child and missed half of tenth grade, I have trouble accepting these kinds of disruptions. Illness represents a loss of control, besides all the physical aspects.

I might try to watch TV, but more likely I’ll just fall sleep again. That happened yesterday. And for those of you health IT or gadget guys reading, who talk about smart phones and how useful they are for patients seeking info, or maybe even checking vitals, I’ll say this: I’m just glad I’ve got such a device, simply that I can call for help, that I can be in touch, call my doctor and family. That makes being sick less scary.

This is a drag of a post, but it’s real. No point in blogging if I don’t say it like it is, what I am. If nothing else, this proves I’m alive. So there!

The author is saddened to learn that Christopher Hitchens died late yesterday evening at the age of 62, roughly a year and a half after receiving a diagnosis of esophageal cancer. He was a prolific and articulate man; I respected him for his words.

His essays on the language and cancer might be of particular interest to some readers of this blog.

The NCI reports there are some 17,000 new cases of esophageal cancer in North American each year; it’s not a common tumor, and most cases arise in men. The annual number of deaths from esophageal cancer approaches 15,000 in the U.S. These numbers are telling: it’s not an easy disease to have, or to treat.