NRA-Theism: Glenn Beck’s Jesus Was A Pistol-Packin’ Messiah

The keynote speaker for this year’s NRA convention in Houston was a real crowd pleaser with experience riling up weak-minded right-wing sheeple. Glenn Beck’s sermon was delivered with his usual flair for phony emotion and theatrics. Here is the video if you have the stomach for it.

Beck set up his speech by fluffing the audience with praise for what awesome, charitable, courageous, sexy, patriots they all were. Of course, they lapped up this drooling approbation like thirsty puppies and rewarded Beck’s pandering with masturbatory applause. Beck gave the people exactly what they wanted and even titillated them with a teasing hint of a new project he would be announcing “in the coming days” with “major partners.”

The primary message of Beck’s program, however, was a more overarching appeal to the grand province of the Lord, with whom Beck frequently reminds folks that he is in close communication. Never mind that Beck’s interpretation of the divine is in stark contrast to that of most theologians. Take, for instance, how he inexplicably juxtaposes the mission of the NRA with that of the Prince of Peace by saying “Our right to keep and bear arms will not be infringed. We will follow the footsteps of Jesus Christ.” And while Beck never reveals where in scripture he learned that Jesus’ footsteps were fortified with firearms, he returned to the theme several times with pronouncements like this:

“Jesus was a man of God. He was a man of peace. He was a man of forgiveness. But make no mistake, Jesus Christ was also immoveable. The right to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. And we will win by strapping on the full armor of God.”

Perhaps someone should remind Beck that Jesus ordered his apostles to lay down their weapons when confronted with Roman soldiers who came to arrest him in the Garden of Gethsemane. Or maybe they just dismiss it as that old “live by the sword, die by the sword” nonsense that their savior mumbled while under duress. Or, much like the 2nd Amendment, they just heed the half of the text that appeals to them and throw out irrelevancies like “die by the sword” and “well regulated militia.” And where he gets this business about the “armor of God” that he’s so anxious to strap on (an unfortunate phrasing), is anybody’s guess. The closest similar rhetoric would come from the Crusades. In the end, it belittles any notion of a divine power that certainly doesn’t need to rely on the defensive accoutrements of mortals.

Beck railed on interminably, punctuating his evangelical bluster with warnings of end-times alarmism. He insisted that we are in a “precarious situation” and that “the hour grows late.” He feverishly hammered into the heads of his assembled masses the apocalyptic angst that is the hallmark of his nightmarish doctrine.

“Our freedom is under attack. Our liberty, our way of life is being legislated out of existence. Our rights are being diminished by a ruling class of power of elites. They’re growing out of control. We have a government of radical revolutionaries actively working against the Constitution and the American people.”

And after that upchucking of fear and darkness, Beck was steadfast in his determination to fight the left’s tactics of fear and darkness – with love. Because, as we all know, love is best expressed behind the muzzle of an assault weapon that was acquired without any background check. Just ask the children of Sandy Hook, the students of Virginia Tech, the movie fans of Aurora, or even the church-goers of Oak Creek, Wisconsin.

The New Testament addresses false prophets like Beck, but I can only assume that those who listen to him ignore the warnings about them. Matthew 5:9 states that, “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.” There’s nothing ambiguous about this verse. According to it, a Christian should always seek to unite, not divide, but these NRAers are the same people who lay the blame for our country’s present state of divisiveness at the president’s feet.The major reason President Obama can’t unite the nation is because of people like Beck who constantly stir up sh*t, mainly because republicans don’t control both Houses of Congress and the White House. Yet, they’re always among the first to claim that they are the “reel” American patriots. IMO, a true patriot always works to keep the nation united and to resolve any differences in a peaceful manner. A true patriot doesn’t tell citizens that guns are the way to deal with political differences. Based on their words/actions, I truly believe that gun-obsessed “Christians” love their guns more than they love God and/or Jesus.

It’s really hard for me to decide what’s funnier…hearing the shit flinging baboon talk about freeeeeduuuumb and libuuuurty, something he could care less about, or the knuckle dragging, mouth breathers who are lapping it up. They really have no idea that all Beck wants is their money.

He’s afraid of a lot of things – like people who don’t love society like he does – which is everyone who isn’t a progressive.
Also, people who don’t love the government to take care of them as he does.
He’s afraid if we too free, we may not behave as we should to preserve society as he sees it. So the more rules laid on us from the all knowing state, the better.
Glen Beck is a bit of a loon, so it makes it easy for him to use in attacking those who don’t agree with progressive beliefs.
Oh, he’s also is afraid of people making too much money, and the state not getting their fair share.
I don’t really think Mark is communist (although I’ve called him that before) – he just sounds like one sometimes.

Our rule of law is the US Constitution.
R: True but there are those whom we vote for that desire to change that and remake our society into what they deem acceptable.

Are you communists afraid of GOD or something? What are you scared of?
A: You just threw away your entire argument.

What does which political concept one follows or religion have to do with either of the 2 noted points above?
Does disagreeing with Beck make one a ‘communist’?
Does being a ‘communist’ make one fear God?
If this is the case then all Christians are Communists as they are required to fear their God. He is, after all, the vengeful sort.
Maybe it’s an NRA thing.
Does owning guns make one a Christian God Loving Patriot?
Hmm, still wonder if in combining these gun owners end up actually being just communists due to the fear and all.
If one is an NRA member with dual citizenship what is one then?
Can patriots be citizens of a foreign country?
Or are these just meaningless labels we heap upon ourselves in order to neatly categorize, divide, and diminish?

“Better the pride that resides
In a citizen of the world
Than the pride that divides
When a colourful rag is unfurled”

Did you catch the gratuitous shot at the French when he called a recipient of the Légion d’honneur (Legion of Honor) for heroism a “coward?” There is significant doubt that Moses Rose was even at the Alamo.

Beck had to fill up his jabber time with something. Jesus, God, End times, project announcements, blah blah blah, oh, and “doncha just hate the French?” Beck is a fear-mongering end times nutter and a danger to the Republic.

“Our freedom is under attack. Our liberty, our way of life is being legislated out of existence. Our rights are being diminished by a ruling class of power of elites. They’re growing out of control. We have a government of radical revolutionaries actively working against the Constitution and the American people.”

Thought it came from Beck, as a stand alone comment it cannot be denied.

It could use a slight change though.
“We have a government run by a corportacracy actively working against the Constitution and the American people.”

Hyperbole and this issue go hand in hand. It’s really quite disturbing. Beck is one of the 44% that think they might need to mount an armed insurrection to protect their liberties, which is so bafflingly stupid it hurts. See lawerence on bill maher this past weekend? He knocked that shit outta the park.