An incomplete guide on how not to raise your children

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#NationalNudeDay

National Ferret Day. National Siblings Day. National Donut Day. Barf. Barf. Barf. Never is social media more monotonous than when there is a ‘National Day’ that EVERYONE takes upon themselves to participate.

HOWEVER…

Today, July Fourteenth, The Year Of Our Lord, Two Thousand Sixteen, is National Nude Day.

FINALLY! A day I understand!!

Over the years I’ve gotten quite a few (read: all day, every day) questions concerning my choice of clothing for the dragons.. Or lack there of…

The thing is, they’re naked. All the time. Come rain or shine. Hell or high water. Do I particularly like this? Is this how I imagined parenthood? Is this what I truly want?

HELL NO!

I want perfectly groomed toddlers who are dressed in perfect Southern Gingham with a side hair-part to match. Unfortunately, that isn’t my reality.

We spend the entirety of our days outside (…in this God forsaken southern heat. It’s 2016. I feel like someone should have invented outdoor air conditioning by now. Can I get an amen? Or an engineer to engineer it?). Keeping clothes on these dragons requires more energy than a nuclear power plant and my reserves are running on E. In their opinion, the slightest speck of dirt or drop of water renders all clothing useless.

Spot of water on your collar? EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!!!

Speck of sand on your toe? EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!!

Mail man looked at you wrong? EVERYTHING MUST GO!!!!

It’s almost like a reverse security blanket (did that make sense?)

Plus, we live at the end of a dead end street and our only neighbors are 200 years old. They’re either too blind to see the nakedness or too old to GAF. If we lived in a hoppin’ subdivision (dear Lord have mercy) things would be vastly different. Or, at least I hope they would be.

But today I read a post by Mayim Bialik (you probably know her from that one show on tbs (I can’t think of the name because mom brain OMG) she’s actually earned her PhD in Neuroscience alongside other accolades) who gave her thoughts on the subject of kids and nudity. She hit the nail on the head and it’s exactly what I want to say.

So instead of asking you to read the entire article (bc who has time for that????) I’ve summarized it for you. You’re welcome.

“Here’s my thing: I don’t want my kids to grow up afraid of their bodies. I don’t want them to think of their body as something that is shameful or needs unnecessary protecting. The notion of “private parts” introduces an implication of secrecy surrounding bodies that I fear may not be entirely healthy in a liberal secular world.Being naked – or nude I suppose – is freeing and awesome. Your body’s natural state is without clothing! And while I don’t understand the notion of people who live in nudist colonies – to me it would always feel sexual; I just can’t imagine it not being so! – I respect and understand the appeal of returning your body to its nude natural liberated state. If you’ve ever seen a two- or three-year-old run around naked while screaming joyfully (this used to happen in my house a lot when my boys were that age), you can see the beauty of not having clothes on and just loving life.I talk to my boys a lot about their bodies being theirs and theirs alone. It’s also important to talk about our family’s notions of nudity while acknowledging that not everyone does what we do and that that’s okay too.”

My dragons are children of the earth. It is my most sincere prayer that they never lose their sense of what is real, what is free, what is simple, and what is happy.

For more earthiness, follow us on Instagram! (Unless you’re a pedophile. In which case please don’t)

Here’s the link to the original article in it’s entirety from Mayim Bialik