Tuesday, April 20, 2010

When your academic library hires a new librarian, he or she should be subjected to a one-semester hazing period. If wedgies, swirlies, and noogies aren't your style, just have the person conduct all the freshmen tours, record the minutes for your library staff meetings, and tally your five-year backlog of hash marked reference desk statistics.

Ask the readers: Do you have other suggested activities for hazing new librarians? Share them in the comments section below.

If your library is large enough, send them on a fools errand to find the "Adult" periodicals section. Its behind a door and not clearly marked to keep the kids out, you know. Even better if you get them to wander around with a couple of cleverly labeled mags in their hands...

Isn't it lovely how, after a Master's degree, an interview that's at least a day long and probably includes a presentation, and after being promised faculty or near-faculty status, we perform tasks more menial than than those in our high school jobs?

Send them to faculty senate and every other campus committee that no librarian wants to do. You know, so he/she "gets to know how the campus politics work." If he/she does not slash wrists at the end of the terms, you know you have a keeper (assuming he/she has not gone on to get a job elsewhere or slit said wrists).

Give them the list of “request trace” items to unsuccessfully hunt for, make them empty the outside book drop next to the parking lot, put them in charge of all of the thousands of unnecessary tax forms (Schedule R, anyone?) the library has ordered and has no place to store, and finally have them be responsible for organizing the “special day” file folder – aka the drawer of birthday cards for staff birthdays and remembering who likes/hates what cake.

Give the new librarian the task of performing "preventative maintenance" on the public printers & copies, at the peak hour of the week guided only by the manufacturer's GUIDE BOOK (which of course is only available online)

Emphasize their computer skills and have them help all the patrons who can't adjust to Windows 2007 or remember passwords. This is includes patrons in public libraries and faculty in academic libraries.