Goodbye, They breathe but cannot screamThey have no tools to build voicesThey wait in fetal positionMartyrs on altars of mistakesThe martyrThey have not the tools to screamThey are just the ones upon the altars of mistakesThere is no safe placeThe marytr

The Bravado Brothers vs Andrew Everett & Trevor Lee ****
-ended No Contest when Country Jacked ran in and attacked BBs.
-Lee/Everett are excellent as a team or opponents
-630 splash!

Roderick Strong def. Cedric Alexander ****1/2
-MOTN and it wasn’t even close
-both guys super over (Strong the visitor, Cedric the local)
-could tell these guys have great chemistry, evidenced by ROH -Strong…

In honor of WrestleMania on Sunday, can you compare each of the 16 remaining teams to professional wrestlers?

—Vince

Whew. I was worried we were going to make it through the entire mailbag without a WrestleMania question. Of course I’ll compare the teams to wrestlers.

Kentucky is Brock Lesnar: Obviously.

Duke is John Cena: Because everyone either loves them or hates them with no in between.

Wisconsin is Dolph Ziggler: Because they were recently close to being in the title picture and now they’re trying to claw their way back.

Arizona is Cesaro: Because they have an insane amount of talent but can’t seem to get out of the midcard.

Gonzaga is Rusev: Because they crush everyone, but their critics still say they haven’t faced real competition yet. Also, Rusev hates America and Gonzaga has all sorts of international players.

Oklahoma is Dean Ambrose: Because he’s “unstable” and there’s no telling which Oklahoma team will show up on any given night.

Notre Dame is Sheamus: Because he’s Irish.

Louisville is Ryback: Because they frequently win ugly. Also, they were in the title hunt not too long ago, then they fell off the map for a while, and now they’re back on the rise.

North Carolina is Randy Orton: Because they have a Hall of Fame track record and are still really good even if they aren’t quite title contenders right now. Also, Walmarts in the Midwest are full of people who love them both.

West Virginia is Luke Harper: Because … well …

Utah is Bray Wyatt: Because they don’t strike me as true title contenders, even though I can’t point to a single reason why.

Xavier is Kofi Kingston: Because they’ve made some deep tournament runs but have yet to make a Final Four. They always provide a few awesome spots but then get out of the way when it’s time for the big boys to take over.

Michigan State is Triple H: Because they epitomize the “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m as good once as I ever was” ethos.

Wichita State is Daniel Bryan: Because they’re the little guy who improbably climbed to the top, got knocked down, and is desperate to get back where he was.

NC State is Mizdow: Because they’ve played second fiddle forever and are ready to make a name for themselves.

UCLA is Big Show: Because their heyday was forever ago and everyone wonders why they’re still around.

What if the NCAA adopted the Money in the Bank concept from WWE and implemented it during the NCAA Tournament? For example, the previous year’s champ (UConn) would be in possession of the MITB briefcase. The defending champ could choose to cash in the briefcase after the national champion for the current year has been determined.

Can you imagine if Kentucky was celebrating on the court after winning the title and then all of a sudden the UConn fight song started playing and the Huskies stormed onto the court to cash in the briefcase?
—Brad

I love it, but there’s a problem — no element of surprise. What makes theMITB briefcase so awesome in WWE is that whoever possesses it can cash in whenever they want. In college basketball, everyone would know that the cash-in would happen right after the title game. So both teams in the title game might try to conserve energy for the cash-in game.

I think it could work if we add these stipulations:

The defending national champion must be .500 or better to cash in.

The cash-in must happen during the NCAA tournament, but before the Final Four starts.

The cash-in can only happen against 1-seeds.

If the briefcase holder wins the cash-in game, they become the 1-seed.

The cash-in game would be just one five-minute overtime period instead of an entire game.

If the cash-in happens immediately after a game has been played, fouls carry over.

So let’s say Kentucky beats West Virginia and then advances to play Wichita State in the Elite Eight. That game ends up being brutally physical, Willie Cauley-Stein fouls out, and Kentucky guts out a two-point win. As the Cats put on their Final Four shirts and hats, UConn’s music hits and Kevin Ollie comes charging out of the locker room with the briefcase. Kentucky would have to play the five-minute period with dead legs and no Cauley-Stein. If UConn wins, the Huskies go to the Final Four.

I know that you’re thinking there’s still no element of surprise, but there is. Even though it seems obvious that everyone would wait until after the Elite Eight game, remember that the briefcase holder can only cash in against 1-seeds. If Wichita State wins that game in our scenario, then UConn is screwed. If no 1-seeds make the Elite Eight, UConn is screwed. And what if it doesn’t want to cash in against Kentucky? Maybe it would rather use it on Wisconsin. But if the Buzzcuts lose to North Carolina before the Huskies can cash in, they’re screwed.

One last tweak: Let’s make it so the cash-in can happen at any time and not just at the end of a game. So if Kentucky is down seven with three minutes left in the Elite Eight game, and UConn is worried that the Cats will lose, the Huskies can choose to cash in right in the middle of the game. The Kentucky–Wichita State game would pause, the cash-in period would be played, and if UConn wins, it inherits Kentucky’s time and score against the Shockers. That game resumes and UConn has to dig out of a seven-point deficit in three minutes to clinch a spot in the Final Four.

BRB — I’m gonna jump in my car and drive to Indianapolis to pitch this idea to the NCAA. In the meantime, enjoy the Sweet 16 and Elite Eight.