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Meet Katy. Katy was born in Cleveland, OH and was raised in a loving, conservative, Christian home. When she was 22, she met and fell in love with a man from her church who became her husband. During their engagement, Katy began to notice issues of control and manipulation. After they married, they moved to Los Angeles away from family and friends and joined a new church. He led worship, and they co-led Bible studies. But her husband was vastly different in public than he was in private. Control and manipulation became deep emotional abuse. Katy learned he was a sex addict and was cheating on her.

The wounds Katy received from the abuse and betrayal of her husband were causing deep scars for Katy. She knew she needed help, but did not know what to do, because divorce had never been presented as an option for her as a Christian. Desperate, Katy cried out to her spiritual advisor for help. Because she didn’t have physical scars from his abuse, her cries for help were considered “over-dramatic” and “over-sensitive.” She was told to “keep praying”, “go home”, “be submissive”, and to just “make it work.” Worse yet, while he was still cheating on her, she was told to make sure she was having sex with him.

Katy and her ex-husband did not get the help they needed and they divorced. He ended up moving further away from the church that wouldn’t see the problem or help him and Katy had to leave to get help. In this video, you will hear Katy’s story and her encouragement to first responders, like her old church: Learn about abuse. Get educated. Listen, listen, listen. Let The M3ND Project help you to become a safe place for victims and abusers needing help.

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Statistics of Abuse

On a typical day, there are more than 20,000 phone calls placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide. This averages out to 14 calls a minute. National Network to End Domestic Violence- 12th Annual Domestic Violence Counts National Summary- 2017

A 2010 study by the CDC found that half of all intimate relationships involve lifelong abuse. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010.

Domestic violence affects 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010.

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, 2010.

We know that bullying behavior and suicides are related. This means youth who report being on the receiving end of bullying behavior are more likely to report suicidal tendencies than youth who do not experience bullying behavior. Center for Disease Control and Prevention, The Relationship Between Bullying and Suicide: What We Know and What it Means for Schools, 2014.

SOURCE: ​American Journal of Preventative Medicine, ​Relationship of Childhood Abuse and Household Dysfunction to Many of the Leading Causes of Death in Adults, ​1998- A followup study on base on the ACES study

Victims of Domestic Violence are at higher risk for developing addictions to alcohol, tobacco, or drugs.

Disclaimer: The author of this website, Annette Oltmans, takes responsibility for the presentation of the content of this website. I am not a clinician. I am a researcher and your helpmate. I am not trying to vilify any gender or any person. I am not diagnosing nor am I trying to punish those who harm others. My mission is to identify and clarify the single behaviors or patterns of behaviors that occur when covert abuse is present. Statistically, women are more likely to be the victims and are also more likely to be aware that problems exist, but that is not exclusively so. In the service of all victims and those who harm them, I offer this information.