Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 16

“The Fabulous Life of ...” (VH1 7 p.m.) Tonight’s topic: “The Nerdiest Nerds.” That’s a bold statement. I’m thinking, in order to fall into that superlative category, you need to have all your dead relatives stuffed and dressed as characters from TheLord of the Rings for use in a life-sized chess set. Because at “Nerdiest Nerd” level, that collectable DVD set of “Land of the Lost” ain’t gonna cut it.

“Crusoe” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Daniel Dafoe’s 1719 novel concentrates on the lonely life of an English seaman shipwrecked on an isolated island. He grows corn, raises goats and marks his time on a wooden cross. We can probably assume, since producers are comparing this to Pirates of the Caribbean, that the show is a loose adaptation.

Saturday 18

“The Hills: The Lost Scenes” (MTV 8:30 p.m.) Wait. You’re telling us all those awkward, pause-filled, go-nowhere conversations Lauren and Heidi engaged in while grazing on salad Nicoise at some Beverly Hills white-napkin joint were the cream of the crop? And now you’ve assembled all the stuff that didn’t make the cut? What’s left? Thirty minutes’ worth of manicure footage? Five-thousand more egregious uses of the word “like”?

“Rita Rocks” (Lifetime 6:30 p.m.) A harried suburban housewife (Nicole Sullivan from “Mad TV”) leads a double life as the lead singer of a garage rock band. ... So, basically, it’s a premenopausal version of “Hannah Montana.”

“Real Chance of Love” (VH1 7 p.m.) For its latest Xerox-copy-of-a-Xerox-copy, VH1 gathers together a few more cast-off contestants from some faux reality dating shows and pastes them into another faux reality dating show.

“Scream Queens” (VH1 8 p.m.) Yes, this search for America’s next great horror movie hottie is just another VH1 reality competition. But at least there’s the slim possibility someone might be gainfully employed at the end of it.