`What have the Centauri ever done for us?`Well, according to the happy people of Indemion, quite a lot...and that includes the wine.Satisfaction with the Centauri partnership is running at fifteen with the outlook described as the smile on a new-born baby`s face."We would fillet and lightly saute anyone who attempted to come between us and our new Centauri comrades" promised one Indemion resident."It is much safer round here since the arrival of the vast Centauri armada, we feel very happy all the time. Before, there was only sadness and tears" came another unprompted reply. Proof, if ever it were needed, that partnership with the Centauri is a wise and noble thing.

The popularity of the wise Centauri on Indemion has reached such a high that the planet`s youth are having their hair styled in the noble Centauri way.One of the new `fans` said; "not only is it stylish but it keeps my hair out of my eyes, I no longer walk into small hills made of rocks, or the swinging club of a security guard, it`s great!"But what do the olds think, are they `hip to the groove`?One answered "My youngest is back home before dark and saying his prayers, all because of the Centauri."So there you have it; hip, practical, and enough to put the fear of the living God into you, that`s why Indemonians have become the fanheads` greatest `FANS`.Hooray for the Centauri, boo to everyone else.

Special Report: `Boneheads make `Boneheaded` Play of All Recorded History`

As Indemion continues to prosper under the mailed-fist of Centauri benevolence, the evil and strangely narcissistic Minbari (or `Boneheads` for short) have taken the rascist and aggressive decision to attack the peace-loving internees on Indemion. When the average Indemionate gets back from their thirty-six hour shift in the mines, they will be shocked to hear that their tranquil existence under the Centauri lash is to be threatened by a race who wear their heads inside out, and consume twice their own body mass of their own wee in any given day.Although there is no evidence to support any of this, it is a scientific fact.We asked one outraged resident, Prisoner 4573847, what he thought."Please can I sleep now?" he sobbed with utter fury at the actions of our mutual Boneheaded foe.Prisoner 8367645, who wished to stress that he was not on Death Row and that his views were entirely his own said: "Yeah, boo to bad guys, hoorah for the....er....Confederacy...I mean CENTAURI, and I wish to admit to being the second gunman in the Kennedy assasination and want seven thousand other offences to be taken into consideration, apparently...AAARRGGHH!!!!"HoHo, those peasant classes and their quirky humour, laughing in the face of Boneheaded hostlity; let their near anhilation in the coming conflict be an example to us all.

Now that the dust has settled, it is clear that there is something wrong with Centauri vessels - they have a habit of exploding at the most inopportune moments, taking down lots of fighters and severely damaging other Centauri vessels. Perhaps this is the result of An'La'Shok activity - or perhaps it is simply that eating too many puppy smoothies melts Centauri brains, or what's left of them. Whatever the cause, it is clear that every Centauri vessel has a big red button marked "Self-Destruct", and that they love pressing that button!

What transpired was a strategic victory for the Centauri, naturally.Just because a few of our ships went `pop` no-one should believe that the Massacre...er..I mean Battle of Indemion was anything other than a glorious victory for the Centauri. The Minbari fell for our brilliant stratagem of destroying much of our fleet, Ha, the fools.Now that they have struck us down, we have become more powerful than they can possibly imagine.As Sun-Tzu once remarked; `a frown is just a smile turned upside-down`.I hope this will act as a lesson to the Minbari, and that they won`t do anything so foolish again.

-The Replacement Centauri Admiral

PS- it was Beatty who said: "There seems to be something wrong with our bloody ships today"