Why Tiger Moms Should Let Children Fail

5/19/2014 11:29PM

Children who earn the best grades in school don't always become high achievers, says Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, of the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. He tells the WSJ's Deborah Kan why parents should sometimes let their children fail under their watch so they can be more resilient, successful adults.

This transcript has been automatically generated and may not be 100% accurate.

... the the ... I think a lot of people in its ascribed to it but does it work I'd ever con joining me now is Dr ten games but he's a specialist and adolescent Medicine and to answer ... I'm good to see if ... the U ... K that ... I share parenting throwing it carries you have to get all A's did did it ... doesn't work ... no ... one week after members were were trying to achieve has returned to our kids become ... successful high achievers not a perfectionist ... if we make them believe that they have to be perfect at everything ... that will undermine long-term success ... he'll actually will interfere with their creativity ... with your abilities to constructive criticism ... you interfere with your ability to be resilient so they might perform really well now they've even gets the best colleges but the question is who will lead the unit when it's ... I look at my children my two eighteen year olds ... or I'd look at children out there in nineteen thirty five year olds ... its thirty five year olds were going to change our ... kinda like Amy taught with Setia well if your kids get good grades and gives them a sense of confidence which will actually an evil their success laid out what you're saying no that's not true ... we shouldn't see the arm suggested I don't want kids to get good grades I also want kids did great but I don't want kids to fill it to be perfect in every ... human beings are on the ... super successful people are people who are fabulous at something ... you do other things for fun ... and when we make kids think they have to go to absolutely everything ... were not letting them Hollister spikes if they don't polish for spikes didn't perform public or hometowns ... to really get into top schools but the creative genius within its watching the show ... I we all struggle ... with this I certainly do with my app the team to team at kids ... so what's the right formula I mean is there that isn't just what should we be doing and what should we absolutely not be doing in terms of ... setting expectation and guiding our kids I've towards their potential ... we should be doing is loving them unconditionally ... we know there's enormous amount of research on resilient somehow make it so kids can on driving the current circumstances ... we need to love them unconditionally ... meaning we love who they are not what they produce and we hold on to high expectations ... are high expectations is not ... for ... we want them to work hard we want to think we want to put in the very greatest effort ... but ... it's not about rates ... people ... are on you for ... and when we raise our kids to believe that they cannot make any mistakes because they have to do well across the board ... kids don't actually know what they're ... best at ... instead ... we promote effort and then pay attention to the results ... why deal with my kids and sometimes they just say one just not that interested and so it's really hard to do well but ... it's a fact of life that you know you have to do all the subjects in high school add them back to its position we expect that this of this they're really not an interest in a season okay ... years where what what keeps putting three for dinner for some years ... if they don't work for a half to work very hard at something but the greed comes really easily congratulations but that's not your career ... is not your spike suppose they worked really hard ... and they find something super interesting you may want to learn even more ... that's their career ... suppose they worked very hard but they're not very good at it but they think it's really interesting ... that's for hubby and lovely ... suppose they worked very hard and they can figure out what's cool is that I'm ... you know when not to deal with the well rounded individual but if we make that person think that even in something that are not naturally gifted at the half to do ... well and perfect that ... and they will have incredible anxiety and that will take away from the energy they need to figure out where their contributions really going to be the case a note in today's pressure cooker world ... I mean you obviously talked a number of students a number of cats was the number one mistake at that parents are making today ... believing the kids have to be good at absolutely everything and not letting it constricts ... childhood and adolescence is that on the mistakes ... because they can fall down and learn how to rise under our watchful it's ... what helps us well it's what helps succeed in the workplace and at the same day as the greatest successes come out