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Letter to Alan Grayson: Going To The Moon Is NOT A Lunatic Idea

Today I received a campaign email from Alan Grayson. His email is included here, below my response:

Dear Alan,

Even among those of us who support you and the Democratic Party, and even among those of us who despise Newt and the GOP and what they stand for, even among us … There are those of us who support an expanded presence in space and space exploration.

Going to the moon is not a crazy idea. We’ve been there. It’s a logical progression of our civilization. Establishing a base on the moon is not a crazy idea. Where humans have visited, they have eventually remained and built lives and societies.

I have said this before, and I’ll say it again: “Great nations look forward to great accomplishments yet to be achieved. Declining nations seek glory in their past.”* Which are we to be?

Humans WILL return to the moon to stay, whether those humans are American or not. The only question to be answered is whether Americans will be among them or even leading them, or will Americans be sneering at the future while leaving it to others who are actually building it?

We as a nation can continue to lead history, or we can watch it pass us by. I hope you will re-think your attitude on this topic. Making fun of a re-invigorated space program is not something I would expect of an Orlando, FL congressman, if that is what you hope to once again become.

[* – Added Note: My actual quote is here: “Declining nations glory in their past accomplishments because their future looks so bleak. Rising nations become great by looking to the future, investing in their people and their infrastructure, and taking risks.”]

A few days ago, when I heard about Newt Gingrich’s plan/idea/hallucination to make the Moon the 51st State, I wondered what else he has in mind for the country we all love. (I mean America. And, for liberal Democrats, North Korea. Or at least that’s what Newt would say.)

Newt conducted a whirlwind campaign tour around my State of Florida this week. (Better late than never. No, actually, better never.) At the Space Coast, Newt explained what he wants NASA to do. I started to think through what other great plans/ideas/hallucinations that Newt might have in mind for the rest of us. A sort of a Contract With The Universe. Based on Newt’s lunar lunacy, here is what I think that we may see from Newt Gingrich, 45th President of the United States:

(1) Gingrich will direct the Army Corps of Engineers to drain the Mediterranean Sea. Gingrich will then lay claim to all of the land underneath it. And then he will put the screws to Crete. (Warning to Newt: this may hurt you with your key Tea Party constituent group, the Cretins.)

(2) Gingrich will create jobs in the construction industry by getting bids on a project to make the Washington Monument three times as large, and kind of smoother. Then he will rename it the “Washington Monument to Newt’s Greatness.”

(3) In order to qualify for the Children’s Health Insurance Program, Gingrich will make infants change their own diapers. You know, to show them the value of work.

(4) Gingrich will order the Pentagon’s DARPA weapons lab to erect a giant 10-gigawatt humidifier, and a giant 10-gigawatt dehumidifier. Turn them loose on each other. Let’s settle this, once and for all. (By the way, Steven Wright thought of this first.)

(5) Gingrich will command the Department of Energy to dig a hole deep down into the Earth’s crust, and fill it with soufflé. Think of how proud we will all feel, watch the world’s first geothermal soufflé rise. And rise. And rise.

(6) Gingrich will have the U.S. Postal Service deliver the mail by drone airplane. Just bomb the mailboxes. First with the mail, and then . . . .

(7) Gingrich will instruct NOAA to conduct a valid scientific test to see whether prayer can change the direction of hurricanes as they approach the shore. A double-blind test, so the hurricane doesn’t know.

(8) Gingrich will mandate that the National Institutes of Health develop a neurological examination to determine whether Newt Gingrich really is more intelligent than every other human being combined.

(9) Gingrich will compel all the tree-hugging liberals who work at the National Endowment for the Arts to translate the internet into Klingon. Including the porn. No, especially the porn.

(10) Gingrich will proclaim a Constitutional Amendment mandating that Newt Gingrich (a/k/a the “Great Leader”) be President of the Earth-Moon Alliance for life, and twenty years beyond that. Just work out the details.

You think I’m kidding. Well, don’t cling to that conclusion. Here are some actual things that Newt really said, and I’m not making any of them up:

“I have enormous personal ambition. I want to shift the entire planet. And I’m doing it. I am now a famous person. I represent real power.”

“Gingrich – Primary mission, Advocate of civilization, Definer of civilization, Teacher of the rules of civilization, Leader of the civilizing forces.”

Gingrich on Gingrich: “The most serious, systematic revolutionary of modern times.”

Newt Gingrich decides who lives and dies. When a reporter asked Gingrich what to do about the homeless a few days after the police shot a homeless man in front of the White House, Gingrich said: “Give the park police more ammo.”

And Newt Gingrich determines what is true and false. As he said a few weeks ago: “Any ad which quotes what I said on Sunday is a falsehood.”

Why is such an obvious megalomaniac considered to be a serious candidate for President? I don’t know. You would have to ask the Tea Party that question.

As for me, I have rather more modest ambitions than Newt does. I would like to try to help the 24 million Americans who can’t find full-time work. The 50 million Americans who can’t see a doctor when they are sick. The 47 million Americans who need government assistance to feed themselves. And the 40 million Americans who live in homes where the mortgage is more than the value of the home.

About Thinkwing Radio

Mike Honig is originally from Brooklyn, New York. He moved to Houston in September of 1977 and has been there ever since. Mike's interests are politics, history, science, science fiction (and reading generally), technology, and almost anything else. Mike has knowledge and experience in many diverse fields, sometimes from having worked in them, and sometimes from extensive reading or discussion about them. Mike's general knowledge makes him a favorite partner in Trivial Pursuit. He likes to say that about most things, he knows enough to be dangerous. Humility is a work-in-progress.

8 thoughts on “Letter to Alan Grayson: Going To The Moon Is NOT A Lunatic Idea”

A moon colony is a human legacy. I don’t think the question is so much, “Why?” as “When?” Is now the right time? I’m not so sure, but it’s not an insane idea, and it is in the future — and also, “Who will get there first?” and what will that ultimately mean? It’s a very real consideration. I’ve put together a synopsis of making a moon colony. Please feel free to check it out.