HOODED MAN: Tell them we’re here even though they know.
CAPTAIN: Yes’sir. [In Comm:] Here we come.
GUNRAY: We’re not lying about the blockade being legal or wanting you here.
HOODED MAN: Okay, cool.

OBI-WAN: I have an idea that some dark force is behind all this.
QUI-GON: Psh! Yeah, right, kid. Shut up.
OBI-WAN: But Master Yoda said--
QUI-GON: “But Master Yoda said--But Master Yoda said!” Enough! God! We need to only hint at the Sith’s involvement; not solve the mystery of the entire prequels in the first ten minutes of movie one!
OBI-WAN: *downtrodden* Yes, Master.

GUNRAY: JEDI?! No way! They’re so cool!
PALPAT--ER--SIDIOUS: Kill them.
GUNRAY: But--
SIDIOUS: Do it, dangit! That kid will ruin my plans!
GUNRAY: And your home planet?
SIDIOUS: Meh--destroy it. I’ll clean it up here in the Senate since I’m a senator—WAIT!! No, I’m a Sith Lord, not a senator!

DROIDEKAS: *Bzzzzt! BLAM!*
QUI-GON: Apparently we can’t destroy droids in this scene.
OBI-WAN: Let’s use the Force power from the video games.
QUI-GON: ‘Kay! We have to get to the planet!
JEDI: *Force speed*

JAR-JAR: Dude! I got the munchies, man.
SEBULBA: You ruined my chicken noodle soup, dude!
ANAKIN: Leave him alone or I’ll make more idle threats I have no way of backing up.
SEBULBA: Good thing my sinuses are acting up. Psh!
ANAKIN: Come have a slumber-party, guys!

SHMI: The only way to get money is to race.
QUI-GON: Race? In a space movie? Um…okay.
[LUCAS: What?! I liked Ben-Hur! It’s MY movie, damnit!]

QUI-GON: We win; we get the boy and parts.
WATTO: I get the pod and the mom then!
QUI-GON: Okay, that’ll work. She won’t start his downfall or anything.

PODRACE: *Anakin Wins* (Yeah… that’s all you need to know out of that 15-minute sequence)

QUI-GON: Let’s take the kid to the Council.
YODA: To be a Jedi you want, eh?
ANAKIN: YEAH!
MACE: Tough crap, kid.
ANAKIN: *pouts*

PALPATINE: Welcome back. I wasn’t trying to kill you or anything.
AMIDALA: Never, you’re my pal. Like a close uncle or something.
PALPATINE: Yeah! Go with that. Stay here and out the way.
AMIDALA: No, I’m going back to get my shoes.

NABOO: We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy!
BOSS NASS: We can’t really help you, but we’ll die as a distraction.
AMIDALA: Um--Sounds good to me!
BOSS NASS: And they think we’re stupid! Ha-ha-ha-ha!

QUI-GON: Stay in this starfighter, Anakin. That can’t possibly be a bad place for a nine year old.
OBI-WAN: We’ll take the Sith.
AMIDALA: We’ll take the Viceroy.
ANAKIN: I’ll take the…um…control ship and save the day? *rolls eyes*

DARTH MAUL: *silent, but deadly*
QUI-GON: *can block lightning-fast bars of energy, but not a punch in the face*
DARTH MAUL: *strikes*
QUI-GON: *impaled through the heart, but manages to live until he talks to Obi-Wan*

PALPATINE: We’ve arrived for the funeral. Ignore all the very bad stand-in actors in the background that look nothing like the real actors portraying the Jedi.
AUDIENCE: *confused*
PALPATINE: Goo-oo-oo-oo-oo-ood!

QUI-GON: *burns*
ONLOOKERS: *cry*
PALPATINE: *smiles*
YODA: Always two Sith.
MACE: Could the other be in this room now?
YODA: Nah! Impossible it is.

[CREDITS ROLL]

_________________I've won the 100k DD bet so many times, I should have the title "Mr. Luck"