Thursday, December 30, 2010

This is not a Love Blog

This is not a love blog, bye bye baby

"I keep on waiting, anticipating, but I can't wait forever
You say you love me, you're thinking of me, but we're never together"

A lot of times we relate to so much in songs because of the way they were written, the images they reflect and the feelings they express. Songwriters are people like you and I, going through experiences like ours. Some of them have the ability to express their feelings artistically, with so much eloquence and sensitivity. And others, express their feelings with simple yet sensational words. And that plays a string or two or even six in our hearts, depending on the experience itself.

And baby, I'm a songwriter myself and I love expressing myself, this time though, I'm not going to write a love song, or a song at all. I'm going to tell you in a blog how much I love you.

I have expressed my love for you over the past year in so many ways. The amount of love I have for you hurts, it might take an ordinary man, but with extraordinary commitment to deal with that kind of experience. And even though the "Wanting you" that turned into "Needing you" that became "Yearning for you" hurts so much, it's a privilege to live and enjoy that kind of pain. And I want to thank you for the experience because now, if I die, I have at least known the taste of true love with you, if you only knew what you are to me. Oh But you do.

It’s true; love doesn't know time and place. I fell in love with you right before I turned 36 and right after I gave up on the idea of being in love. Your love took me back to being 16. The thought of you, seeing you, hearing your voice and spending time together were the happiest moments of my life. Your love erased all the hurt and heartaches of previous relationships. I stand naked in front of you, and no matter how many layers of clothes I wear, your love sees right through me. I refuse to compromise the integrity of our relationship or be less than a 100% with you. I loved myself through your eyes. I felt that I was born to love you, and that gave me a better purpose in life. Nothing else really mattered.

I know that I'm romantic, but when you came into my life, I turned from being just romantic, into being a poet, an enchanter, a philosopher, a dreamer and a passionate lover. I wrote you songs and I sang them declaring my love for you on every page and every stage. I wrote down my philosophy and I loved the depth and dimensions you added to it. I dreamt of you day and night and I lived the dream and cherished it in my heart. I fell in love and I didn't want to resist any moment of it because it felt natural, it felt right and real.

And baby, you ….. you are the sexiest, most intelligent, passionate, bravest, purest and most beautiful soul ever existed on this earth. You make a difference, you touch lives, and you melt hearts and lighten darkness. I want to thank you but I don't think the words "Thank you" or "I love you" are ever expressive enough to what and how I feel for you.

Please believe me when I say this, having to go separate ways is the most difficult, painful, brutal heartbreak I will probably ever experience, yet in my heart I know that it's the right thing to do. The only way left to keep that beautiful dream alive is to end what we have. I don't think my life would ever be the same again. And with all the tears and hesitation, it is what should happen now.

You taught me to love myself with your generous love. And that love for me is what's ending our relationship. I kneel down and pray for your well being, for your soul to find a mate, for the world to taste drops of your love and I, I will always love you.

Next time you fall in love, and I know and trust that you will, I just hope that you would let your man into your world the way I let you into mine, because the distance you kept me at, was just .....