It feels like at least a week has gone by and I’m on week number two, but I’m sadly mistaken. The last 48 hours have been a huge derailment of this train. I think when I came to the reality of my reality regardless of anyone elses reality – I didn’t want to give my heart anymore to this cause. I didn’t want to give my all. Slightly depressed I battle with the knowledge that God knows what’s best for me. I’m speculating all around the mulberry bush and not allowing my self to live, grow, and be. The Thinking Disease, has completely infected my brain. So what CAN I do? I can pick myself up. Dust and brush myself off. Take a deep breath, and re-dedicate. A life worth living isn’t bad, but a good and positive movement forward.

Day 1 – Sunday – OOOOOhhhh wee! The part of the message I heard in church today told me what had to be done (Matthew 19:1-15). God designed marriage for a specific reason and should not derail from it. Scripturally God does not allow divorce. It only came about during Moses’ time because the Children of Israel had hardened their hearts. If you’re single – which I am, remain single. God knows your heart and desires. What a first day. My praise session with Kirt Franklin moved me – I am strong enough. This won’t last.

Day 2 – Temptation will come. One of my “friends” colleagues emailed and said they were slightly upset cause we couldn’t chat after my business was completed in their office. Some customer interrupted his plans at the last minute. I left him to tend to his business. He obviously had something on his mind. After emailing back and forth he made it known. Another married man (with two kids, one only a month old) commenting that I’m very attractive and would like to be friends at least. Throughout the whole conversation and prior I knew I had to deal with him and break the 40 Day Fast news. But me and my mind rationalized, we’re just friends, it’s just conversation. No big deal right?! I wouldn’t get tempted – which I haven’t.

Day 3 – Revelation – To Trust God Is To Trust God. If He Says Don’t There Is A Reason And Benefit Behind It. By me wanting to keep “talking to my married guy friends” doesn’t show my faith in listening or learing from the lesson. Trust God With All Your HEART———-all your MIND——– all your STRENGTH!

What is the coincidence of a fast ending on New Year’s Eve and the day after, the rebirth day – being the first day of a new year. Curiously interesting I must say. I read something today that warmed my heart yet I felt like I was READING into something… “Patience is bitter, but it’s fruit is sweet,” Aristotle. As much as I wanted those words to be a communication to me, I feel they are not and are a melody to the man in the mirror.