New York,NY November 7, 2016
In a surprise move, Donald J. Trump and Hillary Rodham Clinton today announced that they would divorce their current spouses and become man and wife. “It’s been on a slow boil for a while now”, Hillary said. “Yeah, she’s not really my type, but I’m going to the White House, one way or another. I always find an angle. I had some trouble convincing Melania but I understand that Bill was all in from the get go”, Trump remarked. “He’s not really so bad once you get to know him. The important thing is that we bring the country together”, said Hillary. “And we both think that Republican Abraham Lincoln said it best about 150 years ago”:

“With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation’s wounds, to care for him who shall have borne the battle and for his widow and his orphan, to do all which may achieve and cherish a just and lasting peace among ourselves and with all nations.”