7 Things to Remember When Handling Rejection

Fear of rejection can keep you from reaching your goals and dreams. It can creep into your creativity. You could have done something great, or something that could have changed your destiny. But because you don’t know how to handle your fear, you’re forced to live a mediocre life.

The good news is you don’t have to.

What if you got better at handling rejection? Wouldn’t it be great if you knew how?

Advertising

By knowing how to handle rejection, you could accomplish things you’ve always dreamed about. It isn’t easy, but it’s not impossible! Rejection is a necessity in life. It is something we should not try to avoid. Instead of fearing or avoiding it, it’s better to learn how to handle it so it won’t stop you from living your life.

1. Find out if the rejection is legit.

It might be that the person who rejected your idea didn’t exactly understand what you have to offer. Find out first where the rejection came from. If it came from a valid source, carefully study the rejection and see how you can improve.

If the rejection came from someone who isn’t credible, it might be better to shrug it off and move on. It’s important to ask for feedback from others, but you should also known when to outsource credible feedback.

Advertising

2. Don’t ignore the rejection.

Every rejection is holds room for improvement. Think about the things you can learn about this experience and how you can do better. It might help at first to ignore the rejection for awhile. That’s totally fine. But take extra care to ponder about the rejection and learn from it. Dismissing a rejection is dismissing an opportunity to learn.

3. Don’t dwell on it too much.

While it is true that you shouldn’t ignore rejection, you also don’t need to dwell on it too much. Everybody gets rejected in their lifetime. It is a part of life. Rejection simply means something better can happen. Better things couldn’t come your way, if you refuse to be rejected all the time.

Dwelling to much on rejection steals opportunities that you might have overlooked because you refused to let go. After you’ve learned from the experience, move on from it and try again. This time you can do better because you’re already armed with knowledge and experience.

4. Start asking questions.

By asking questions, you can look at your situation from a better perspective. Rejection can be painful. Asking the right questions will not only lead you to learn new things to improve, but will also give you a sense of meaning. Ask questions like: How will I turn this rejection into an opportunity? What could have I done better? What could I have done wrong that I could do better next time around?

By answering these questions, you get to know more about yourself and your situation. You’ll know what the necessary steps you need to take.

5. Ask yourself what you can learn

Rejection is a part of the learning process. If we dismiss this idea, we dismiss a ton of learning experiences that are available at hand.

Advertising

6. Rejection isn’t always about you

Don’t take rejection personally. If someone tells you, “your idea isn’t the right fit for us,” they are rejecting the idea, not you. Take a careful look at the statement. Your idea might not be the right idea for them, but it could be the brightest idea to someone else.

Even if somebody rejects you personally, remember that there is a better place or person waiting for you. Instead of focusing on thinking about yourself as a loser, consider it a favor that you’ve lost a pebble, to make way for you to find some diamonds.

7. It’s okay to feel the pain of rejection.

Rejection is painful. It’s human nature to feel pain. Don’t ignore the feeling by denying that you’re not hurt. Instead, acknowledge the pain, learn from it, and then move on.

Rejection is a part of our lives. It’s necessary for us to thrive. Handling rejections can be tough, but every successful person has encountered quite a number of them. If you learn to accept and deal with the “No”, you’ll discover a mountain of “Yes” and opportunities.

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

Advertising

The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

Understand your own communication style

Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience

Communicate with precision and care

Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

Advertising

If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

Advertising

In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

Advertising

It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.