True every day musings on being a family and raising a family.

Let’s all enjoy this last full day of a democratic republic in our country as we’ve known it. Who knows what tomorrow and the next four years will herald in but it is not looking promising from what we have seen so far. It is my sincere prayer and hope that I and millions of others are wrong in our concerns over the man who will take office tomorrow and those he is appointing to be his advisers. What we have witnessed and heard thus far does not give us confidence that our worries are unwarranted but let’s pray fervently that they are. And if I am wrong in what I fear, then I will absolutely be one of the first to admit it and stand corrected and I will apologize for my assumption of the worst. I desperately want to be wrong in this case. For myself, for all of us.
In the meantime, though, I will keep on my toes and be ever vigilant. That is our right and our duty as citizens of this country. To protect one another and human rights and dignity. To speak out against injustice. To be informed and aware. To hold those in power accountable.
Sincere and deep prayers for all of us.

Dear Daddy,Today is Father’s Day and how I yearn to hear your voice, to smell your pipe tobacco, to sit on the porch and talk with you, reminisce and laugh. Oh, how proud you would be of your grandchildren, reveling in their accomplishments; James in the Navy and what a fine young man he has become; Meghan, TJ and Topher with their music and how they love to share their talent with the world; Frankie with his endless stories and contagious laughter. You taught me so much about the deep value of family and tradition, appreciation of nature, Mother Earth and gardening, and most of all, you taught me about love. And I am doing my best, daddy, to pass those same things along to my children. I feel your guiding hand on my shoulder as I navigate this journey called parenthood with its ups and down, its twists and turns, its challenges and triumphs and I am eternally grateful for the foundation your love laid for me in my life. I miss you, daddy, every single day but I know your spirit is beside me and lives on through me and through your grandchildren. Today I am sending extra hugs to you in heaven. One day we shall meet again and push off from the banks of a beautiful lake in an old fishing boat and spend a day fishing together in the sun. I’ll even let you catch more fish than me this time! And if you could bring your pipe and read some Uncle Remus stories to me while we fish, that would be simply divine!I love you forever and always, daddy. Your little Pawtucket

Explain to me (the proverbial, collective “I/me”) how does what I do, who I am affects you (the proverbial, collective “you”) or harms you or changes your life in any way {unless I am harming you or others}. What does it matter to you if I am a woman or a man, if I am black or white or Hispanic, if I believe in the same god you do, if I am gay or straight or bisexual, if I live in the country or live in a city, if my favorite color is purple or orange, if I like green beans or broccoli, if I listen to pop or classical music, whatever it is my beliefs or ways of life are? What does it matter to you? Am I hurting you? Am I forcing you to do or be something that you are not? Am I harming you or others? What difference does my “difference” make to you? Why must people hate and fear that which doesn’t fit into their little cut and dry boxes, fear and hate those who are not like them?

The simple, really simple solution is live and let live, be and let be, love and let love. Why is that so hard for so many?

Hate and fear, two of the most destructive and self-destructive emotions humans have yet two of too many people’s most cherished emotions.

As I sit here on the front porch on my rocking chair this morning with the early summer breeze rustling the trees, I ache for my children’s childhoods, for the years and days gone by so quickly. My body, my heart yearns for one of them to jump up on my lap and cuddle, to carry one of them on my hip with their arms wrapped around my neck. How did those days pass so swiftly? They seem so long ago. In the blink of an eye they became sweet, tender memories.

We live each day so caught up with just daily living and all the things that need/have to be done that we tend to just gloss over those moments, the moments that form the precious memories in our hearts, the pictures in our minds that we will carry with us into our golden years and will reflect back upon on silent days, alone, in the quiet.

The reality is the laughter, the bickering, the constant motion, the games, the meals, frisbees being tossed around in the yard, the tornado stricken house in disarray, the celebrations, the tears, but all of those things mean that they are here, with us. They fill our lives with madness but also with joy, with the frustrations but also with smiles. They are here. But someday, much too soon, they won’t be. They will move on with their own journeys, forging their ways in this world. They will call. They will come to visit. But they will not be here forever. What will I do when my hearts aren’t here? One has already left home and I still ache for his daily, wonderful, strong hugs, his smile, each and every day. I understand the circle of life and appreciate its reality but it is also a painful circle. On days like today, I am not a fan of that reality. The sand in the hourglass is in too much of a hurry for my liking.

Last night was the end of year band banquet and awards at our triplets high school. We got the official word that TJ will be one of the three drum majors for the marching band this fall and Meghan will be the flute section leader and Topher will be the tuba section leader!!! So excited for them and super proud! I guess that means Friday nights this fall will find us in the stands at the games for the half time shows. Whoohooo! That’s what football is for anyway, right? The half time shows performed by the marching bands. Lol.

If you have read my About My Family page, you are aware the three of my five children are triplets. What you don’t know is that they are incredibly talented and gifted musicians. They have been playing their respective instruments since 6th grade (they are finishing up their sophomore year in high school in the next week and a half). Meghan plays the flute; Topher plays the tuba; TJ plays the saxophone (well, actually, he plays the soprano, alto and tenor saxophones). They all play in their high school’s honors symphonic band and the marching band. This fall TJ will be one of the three drum majors and Meghan and Topher will be section leaders in the marching band. All three were in the North Carolina All State Honors Band this Spring. In 8th grade, their middle school honors band performed on stage at Carnegie Hall!!

The three of them formed their own band, Kane Kubed, in 8th grade to help raise money for their trip to Carnegie Hall by busking (which is street performing). They have been busking ever since as a way to earn money for various band trips, to put money aside for new instruments and also into their college funds. They have their own facebook page if you would like to follow them: Kane Kubed

I would like to share some of their music with you. Hope you enjoy and that it brings a smile to your face. After all, that’s what music is all about!

Something has gotten lost in the translation in our society over the years. There was a time when families, extended families, lived within close proximity of one another. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles all lived nearby. We knew our neighbors. We all helped each other out whether it be with raising the children, fixing the plumbing, raising the barn, sharing vegetables from our gardens, breaking bread together on a Sunday evening or just sitting on our neighbor’s front stoop chatting as the sun set. We talked and visited, we cried together, we offered support, we laughed, we shared.
Today everyone is spread out far and wide. We only come together for major occasions, if we’re lucky. If we are fortunate enough to live at least relatively close by, we are too wrapped up and consumed by our jobs and other commitments to activities that we don’t or won’t make time for each other. Maybe next week or over the summer or at the next holiday, then we will make time. Our families and our loved ones are our hearts yet we fail to recognize that or them and we give them our “leftovers”, only the time that is left over in our overly busy, constantly churning schedules. Maybe if we made spending time with our family and friends a priority we could recharge the love in our hearts, recharge our very essence because being with those whom we love and care about, with those who love and care about us would fill us with the energy of love and support that we need and crave to help pull us through the endless days of constantly going and running and working.

We all know the saying, It takes a village” and I believe there is a great deal of truth in that. That saying usually is in reference to raising children, and that is spot on, but I think it can be expanded to all of us. We all need that village, that inner, close circle of folks who offer support and a helping hand and love and a listening ear. And that village needs to be through personal, face to face interaction, not through social media and electronics. We need and crave actual human interaction and touch, a hug, a pat on the back, a smile (not a smiley face emoji). Our villages are an integral part of who we are, an embodiment of our human nature, the very core of our families. Let’s make a concerted effort to recreate our villages, make that time a priority and strengthen our souls once again.