Breaking news: video game movies still struggling

I'm a reasonable person. I'm more than willing to sit through and enjoy a movie based on a game should the movie be adequate to begin with. However, I'm not willing to subscribe to the logic that mere reference to and inspiration from a game can make a video game movie good. Just because the film is about a game doesn't mean it can completely forgo expected theatrical standards.

But, alas, sometimes that's too much to ask from this greedy industry. When the game industry's money men get in contact with their Hollywood counterparts, quality is a trait not often present. Street Fighter, Mario Brothers, Dungeons and Dragons and many other fantastic examples of crap game movies have come and gone over the years, yet not even the agonized cries of fans and critics have stopped the onslaught of these travesties. Sadly, the lesson remains unlearned.

Take one of the more "recent" game movies, Dead or Alive. Even the films' own actors are ashamed of the title. Jamie Pressly, who played the foxy wrestler Tina, even admitted that the project was disappointing as a film and inaccurate as a recreation of the game. "I can't say that I'm upset that it didn't come out," she said to Rotten Tomatoes. Having recently seen the film, I can attest to the movie's failure on both fronts, though I'm guilty of enjoying the unadulterated beauty and charm of Holly Valance, as well as the ode to Dead or Alive Xtreme present in a mandatory beach volleyball scene.

Despite consistent scorn from on-lookers, the game-movie train rolls ever forward. Everyone's favorite director Uwe Boll has begun filming his next masterpiece, an adaptation of Far Cry. Though he may have gotten a single positive review on Postal, I'm not holding out for an unprecedentedly moving tale of one man's journey to discover himself in the thick, lush jungles of combat.