I am among the eldest of statesmen of the few remaining holdouts who haunt these hallowed halls, once prosperous and shit. The right reverend Chad Kroeger has often lamented the fact that he is aging ungraciously and I feel his pain. And by pain I mean fucking stiff, loosely rolled joints. Why must we live on ointo the eighties when we’re propped up with blood thinners and Adderall AND SHIT? Question mark. Shffling around on walkers and Johnny Walker Red. Yeah I;m drunk and my spell check is lighting up like the fuxcking Geiger counter at Chernobly/ Fuck Chernobyl!
I think Obamma had it roght with his death panmels and soylent green and shit. I now official;ly swoitch my affiliation to the Green Party.
Selah
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oh right we don’t do that anymore.
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fuck you all

No joke- HCwDB legend was sited on tv last night, first row under the Cavs basket – that Asian dude that sells jewelry to all the rappers- I forget what we called him, but he always had braces on and huge Mr-T style chains on his neck. He’s still got the chains.
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It was such a bizarro moment for me to see real life legend still doing all the same shit we were mocking about 8 years ago. Crazy. It was about the 9min mark of the 4th quarter, you can see him getting amped up about whatever play had just transpired.

Just so all you poo pirates know, it’s Victoria Day weekend up here and we all put away the skis, watch the igloo melt, and dance stoned around the fire. We celebrate the little things like the beginning of the end of the summer for three days.
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Family parties celebrate the Vitamin D (respect) we need for the annual reversing of the scurvy as it burns our Viking skins. Except for the Mediterraneans and Pescatarian, the Jews and the Coons, and the Moslems, and the Chinks and the Injuns, and Eskimos etc., we are all shrivelled pale husks of who we whence were.
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Folklore tells of a time when the weekend before, and including the third Monday of January; that the revelry was stoic, or reserved, as were the times after her death.
As of late, the global warming has caused a drastic increase the length and severity of the winter, as well as the concurrent record snowfalls and bitching skiing in Vermont the brave.
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We get really fucking stoned, start to store the lawnmower, grill some shit and get stoned with the bugs, then pretend to enjoy ourselves tubing in the frozen St. Lawrence River. But shit, I’m stuck here so I’m wasted and drunk again. She was a great one the sweet old doll. But I’ll never figure out why we have a holiday about obsolescent police cruisers.

I wrote a little speech about his long weekend. Proud to be a living human, free from alien attack. Proud of my country and all the great countries of the world. And riunka s fuck like Mr. Leahy and my mom the slut.
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Good morning. In less than an hour, aircraft from here will join others from around the world. And you will be launching the largest aerial battle in the history of mankind. “Mankind.” That word should have new meaning for all of us today. We can’t be consumed by our petty differences anymore. We will be united in our common interests. Perhaps it’s fate that today is the Fourth of July, and you will once again be fighting for our freedom… Not from tyranny, oppression, or persecution… but from annihilation. We are fighting for our right to live. To exist. And should we win the day, the Fourth of July will no longer be known as an American holiday, but as the day the world declared in one voice:

I am among the eldest of statesmen of the few remaining holdouts who haunt these hallowed halls, once prosperous and shit. The right reverend Chad Kroeger has often lamented the fact that he is aging ungraciously and I feel his pain. And by pain I mean fucking stiff, loosely rolled joints. Why must we live on ointo the eighties when we’re propped up with blood thinners and Adderall AND SHIT? Question mark. Shffling around on walkers and Johnny Walker Red. Yeah I;m drunk and my spell check is lighting up like the fuxcking Geiger counter at Chernobly/ Fuck Chernobyl!
I think Obamma had it roght with his death panmels and soylent green and shit. I now official;ly swoitch my affiliation to the Green Party.
Selah
.
21
oh right we don’t do that anymore.
.
fuck you all

Now that I’ve sobered some I can speak with more coherence and fluidity and shit. And by sobered I mean I took a shower and switched to Jim Beam Nd shit. Remember when Cher was a gypsy woman with long black haoir and a pronounced bone structure? Now she’s an ancient octinegerion with flabby tits like beef jerky and a face like a vaccum cleaner. Time marches on. I mention this only because I had to haul my old man to the hospital and shit now he can’t drive. I can’t convince them inbto a nursing honme so my mom has to ddrive him around cause he can only see shapes. Mom hasn’t driven in two years and can’t turn her head more than twelve degrees celcius, so if you see an old, blue Ford escape coming down the road get the fuck out the way, sons…….escape
But it’s all good. I’m told I shouldn’t text while drunk but I;m not driving. Darksock has issues of the neck and I feel his pAIN ALSO. mY entire vertebrae has been compromised. Keep hitting cap locks so I’ll sign off.
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Lenny the Box is so named for his habit of carrying a box every working morning to my awaiting Mystery Machine. The only mystery is how the Machine (2004 Venture van) keeps rolling like new with nary a few thousand a year in upgrades.
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The box refers to an average sized box with toilet paper, kitchen catchers, and baby wipes. The reason for the box is the time when I tried to heave my loose stools by the side of the van in an emergency. I splashed Lenny with a horizontal shit spray of Malthusian scope and he has been forever disabled from the stench.
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Now I can fit my thin buttocks into said box with a vacuum effect so the spray is contained to my own nethers and hence the reason for the travelling baby wipes and air freshener.
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