"Children can be conceptualized as mirrors.
If love is given to them, they return it. If none is given, they have
none to return. Unconditional love is reflected unconditionally, and
conditional love is returned conditionally."

"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a
person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the
village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man,
woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the
accused individual. Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused,
one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center
of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience
that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his
positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and kindnesses are recited
carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several
days. At the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration
takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back
into the tribe... as the Buddha said: 'Hatred will never cease by
hatred. By love alone is it healed.'"

"This concept of trusting the individual to
be himself has come to have a great deal of meaning to me. I sometimes
fantasize about what it would mean if a child were treated in this
fashion from the first.

"Suppose a child were permitted to have his
own unique feelings - suppose he never had to disown his feelings in
order to be loved. Suppose his parents were free to have and express
their own unique feelings, which often would be different from his, and
often different between themselves.

"I like to think of all the meanings that
such an experience would have. It would mean that the child would grow
up respecting himself as a unique person. It would mean that even when
his behavior had to be thwarted, he could retain open
"ownership" of his feelings. It would mean that his behavior
would be a realistic balance, taking into account his own feelings and
the known and open feelings of others. He would, I believe, be a
responsible and self-directing individual."

"When I was very young, most of my heroes
wore capes, flew through the air, or picked up buildings with one arm.
They were spectacular and got a lot of attention. But as I grew, my
heroes changed, so that now I can honestly say that anyone who does
anything to help a child is a hero to me."

"In a free democracy like our own, we use
words as arguments, not blows. We talk to people and do not beat them.
If we can't convince our children with words, we shall never convince
them with violence."

"The lack of rights that apply to children
are the ones that appall me. That's head and shoulders above any other
rights group. Down here in Tahiti, and in many places, children are
treated with respect, like small adults without much of a frame of
reference. But for some reason, we feel superior to children, and we
also feel a sense of ownership."

"Any child can be made into a psychopath
through failure of attachment. We know that. We have known it for a long
time. We have to change a lot of established patterns or ways we do
things - our priorities - so that nothing gets in the way of attachment
in the earliest years. The capacities for trust, empathy, and affection
are in fact the central core of what it means to be human, and are
indispensable for adults to be able to form lasting, mutually satisfying
co-operative relationships with others."

"By nature people are learning animals. Birds
fly; fish swim; humans think and learn. Therefore, we do not need to
motivate children into learning by wheedling, bribing, or bullying. We
do not need to keep picking away at their minds to make sure they are
learning. What we need to do - and all we need to do - is to give
children as much help and guidance as they need and ask for, listen
respectfully when they feel like talking, and then get out of the way.
We can trust them to do the rest."