My anti-bucket list: The things I'll never do

YOU'RE probably familiar with the concept of the bucket list - the list of goals or dreams, serious or frivolous, you wish to accomplish before you "kick the bucket".

I myself have a thirtyx30 list of things I'd like to get done by my 30th birthday, that being the end of my life.

But the other day I had coffee with a dear friend who revealed she had an "Anti-Bucket List".

"a whuuut?" I said. "A list of things I will never do," she replied.

Her examples were:

• I will never go on a cruise. Don't put me on a boat with 2000 strangers and call it a "vacation".

• I will never go to North Korea.

• I will never bungee jump.

Brilliant! The problem is, people don't judge you for your benign and dreamy bucket lists (mine include things like travelling, wine tasting, making lasagne from scratch, blah blah boring), but when I started forming my Anti-Bucket List, I realised some of these might require a little explanation. Otherwise you will all hate me.

So here we go.

My Anti-Bucket List:

1. I will never own a bird or date someone who owns birds. I think they are Satan's messengers. I hate birds.

2. I will never go skydiving. Flying is scary enough for me. Why anyone would pay to practice dying is beyond me.

Why would I jump out of a perfectly good plane? Picture: Thinkstock.Source:News Limited

3. I will never go on a submarine. I have a lot of questions about how they work, and will read a book about it, but you can't make me go on one!

4. I will never run a marathon. I just don't think my body was built to do it - I'm built for comfort, not for speed. I'm also not sure why our culture suddenly thinks that people are heroes if they run a marathon. I can be great at life from my couch. I can also raise money without running. The amount of time it would take me to compose a perfect playlist for the marathon makes this not even worth the trouble.

5. I will never donate blood. I have a raging fear of needles that I just can't get over. For the sake of the people working those donation stations, I just can't do it. This doesn't make me a bad person. I just can't and won't do it.

I would if I could. Picture: Thinkstock.Source:Supplied

6. I will never run for political office. For starters, I had way too much fun in college to ever make it past preliminaries. I don't need anyone combing through facebook to prove that to my constituents. Secondly, despite being heavily involved in student governments during my academic career, and marching for various causes, I'm starting to think government is more and more useless.

7. I will never live in a landlocked state. Living in California has probably spoiled me for life, but I just can't imagine living out of driving distance of the ocean. I need at least a lake. A big Lake.

8. I will never pay money to see a scary movie. As I get older, I've gotten pickier about what I will read and watch. I just don't see the sense in participating in something designed to give me nightmares, when I'm naturally a person who can't sleep if she thinks she's seen a spider somewhere near.

I can't sleep at the best of times. Picture: Thinkstock.Source:News Limited

9. I will never write a book involving vampires and/or zombies. I would do almost anything to get a book deal, buuuut I'm drawing the line here.

Let the record state - this list doesn't mean I think bird owners who run marathons, donate blood, work in government, and skydive their way to scary movies are bad people. They're just not me. And I think that's OK. I feel freedom in declaring things I don't want to do, will not be pressured into doing, and I like the limits I have publicly set.

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