When Washington apples meet Seahawks mania – healthy or WWIII?

By John Owen | Oct 10, 2013

The Seahawks boast their supporters are the loudest in organized sports. These fans claim Pete Carroll is the best coach in the NFL, that Russell Wilson has no peers among the rising young quarterbacks in the league, and that many in his supporting cast deserve all-pro recognition.

Who would dare declare that there is a fatal flaw in this seemingly perfect picture of big time sports in the Emerald City? Yet, maybe there is, or have you forgotten that security officers at home games this year have been wearing the colors of visiting teams to reduce violence on the part of overzealous Seahawkers toward rival fans.

We don't need more and better Halloween costumes at Century Link Field.

We may need extra ushers at the entrance gate, passing out free happy pills.

This is not an original idea. Shuffling through old clippings from my sportswriting days in Seattle, I rediscovered the views of a New York medical nutritionist named H.L. Newbold who argued in scholarly journals that fans should be required to gulp down a vitamin pill before being admitted to sporting arenas.

His goal was to reduce violent behavior caused, in part, by the ingestion of stadium food. He claimed that sausage additives and sweet sugar syrups may cause violent, abnormal reactions. And he suggested that each sports fan earn admission to an arena by gulping down a vitamin pill at an entrance gate and to purchase only health-giving items at the concession stands.

The good doctor ignored one important aspect of concession food, namely muzzle velocity. Thirty thousand nutritional apples in the hands of 30,000 biased spectators may not only pose a threat to players and officials, it could even affect the balance of power between the world's arms leaders.

Whatever else is wrong with a wiener wrapped in an unenriched bun, it has never been declared a lethal weapon to the non-consumer.

The Intermediate Eater suggests a new, enriching item on the concession menus at local arenas. Or you could consume a portion with your pregame meal.

A Sporting Salad

24 ounces frozen peas

1/2 cup grated cheddar cheese

1/3 cup chopped dill pickles

1/3 cup mayonnaise

1/3 cup sour cream

juice of 1/2 lemon

salt, pepper to taste

Cook the peas until barely tender and mix with the other ingredients. Refrigerate before serving to Seahawk fans in Section 73, row 24.