Supernatural-style Motel Friendly Food for the Hungry Hunter

Are you Dean Winchester level famished? Forget Sam’s salads and Bobby’s heart smart suppers–we recommend these grease and sugar-laden foods that are the perfect shame snacks to fortify you for the family business.

Deep Dish Pizza

The favorite food of Death himself. He spared the city of Chicago from the destruction of one of the Four Horsemen because it’s so delicious. If you want him to bring your soul back from hell, DO NOT substitute with pickle chips. It reminds him of being bound to the Winchesters, and he’ll kill you before you start.

Taquitos

Can be purchased at your local Gas ‘n Sip. Don’t worry, Cas…I mean Steve…will be happy to heat those up for you. Dean has been known to eat them in quantity on movie sets, because he’s one hell of a PA.

Burgers

Preferably should contain bacon and extra onions, even if Sam doesn’t like what they do to the Impala. Obviously, not available at the vegan bakery. Eating these will help you avoid the desperation of meat deprivation. Another sandwich option? The Pepperjack Turducken Slammer. It’s the perfect storm of the three most edible birds. Just don’t cut it in half and look at it. Leviathan snot is gross.

Moose Munch

The crunchiest of reminders of everyone’s favorite little brother. Sam probably wouldn’t approve of this recommendation: he’d much prefer you have an organic apple or some bananas and water. But sometimes? You just need to eat something as sweet and nutty as the bond between Sam and Dean.

Meatballs

Made from meat, which is Dean’s favorite food group. Have them in honor of Bobby Singer. If anyone asks what you’re eating, you are encouraged to shout “BALLS!” in a grizzled growl. Just don’t overdo it, ya idjit.

Pretzels

Don’t underestimate these twisty little wonders: they indirectly saved Ellen Harvelle’s life! You can go small and crispy, like a mid-western bar snack, or you can go big and chewy, like they make at Oktoberfest. If you choose the latter, have your brew in a stein and watch out for faux vampires.

Devil Dogs

So okay, they’re not hellhounds. These are much tastier and they’re not filled with black blood. You don’t even have to endure the trials or barter away your soul to get them! Holy fire glasses are optional. Available everywhere, including at the crossroads.

Preferred snack of monster infested mental institutions everywhere. Sweet, delicious and rich, kind of like the Winchesters (well, two out of three, anyway.) Sadly, Dean Winchester’s naked thighs are not included. You may want to eat this with a silver spoon with a sharpened handle–you never know if it’s been served to you by a wraith.

Don’t forget the pie! The Winchesters may never get that apple pie life Sam dreams of, but they can certainly get it for dessert. Do not substitute with other baked goods: cake is NOT pie! If you buy it at Biggerson’s, watch out for Kevin Tran. He’s a known pie thief.

The Salt ‘n Burn

You’ll need a cocktail to wash it all down. We recommend our very own creation, the Salt ‘n Burn. It’s the only kind of fireball that Sam and Dean would find acceptable. Drink them in quantity if you need to kill a shojo, but don’t let Garth have more than one. He’s a lightweight.

Got anything else we should add to the menu? Let us know in the comments! Bon appetit!

Barbara Sirois Doyle is a Contributing Editor for Sweatpants & Coffee. She is a writer, mixed-media artist, and, most important, a wife and mother to her boyos three. She is a voracious reader, unapologetic uber-geek, and lover of all types of music, from Public Enemy to Rachmaninoff. If she's not watching Supernatural or Doctor Who, she is likely trolling the internet for amusing cat photos. She takes her coffee light with no sugar.

That was a great post! Just had to mention a Real product made in Canada and sold all over the US.It’s called “Moose Tracks” and has different combos of popcorn,chocolate treats,etc.The large chocolate “droppings” are fabulous! I recommend getting them if you can find them!

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As someone who also can no longer drink and who deals with some stuff, I can tell you that we never want people to feel bad for making drinking references or to feel like they can't enjoy themselves around us. Offer sympathy but keep treating her as you always have. Maybe check in more. But don't grieve any harder than she is, because she'll end up carrying that, too, and she'll worry about your feelings. You sound like a good friend. Just keep being one.

Reading your post this afternoon. Did you look into my heart? My friend from college, now 30+ years ago has pulmonary hypertension and is in failing health. She’s 54 with a limited life expectancy. Yesterday, I sent a picture for cute-as-can-be mason jar shot glasses that I found in a discount store to a former coworker. We’ve kept in touch via FB and messaging. She comments the glasses are cute but she doesn’t drink anymore. Then she txts she has Lupus. The world falls from beneath me. I wondered around the store for maybe another 20 minutes. Numb. Exchanging texts with this friend. And I felt so bad about that picture. And I felt guilty for my health. And i was ashamed of my feeble replies to her. So regular sad is sometimes at the foot of my bed. Or greets me at the door after work and I find my dog has once again pooped in the house and chewed up an ink pen or shredded a book. But today I’m big sad. Last night, crawled in the covers beside me and sits just out of sight. But here. I’m ashamed of myself. With all my bills paid, manageable expenses. And now two people who have shackles of worry and fear and other feelings I couldn’t even begin to imagine. If only crawling through broken glass could convey us to the other side

My girlfriend's and I get together rarely and there's actually 2 different groups but it's always fun! They're infrequent but always special! I am the type of person that rolls with the flow and if we can arrange it, great! But it's not expected or required and that makes our get-togethers special!