Last night's episode of The Choice — the dating game show kind of like The Voice — was horrifying, offensive, nauseating, objectifying, loud, crass, and highly watchable. So much tacky! So much cringe! So many lessons about the bizarre mating practices of the North American C-list celebrity male. The best part was when Joe Jonas, who used to wear a purity ring, had to choose between a virgin and another woman, and did not pick the virgin. You could almost see him chanting, inside his head: PEE IN VEE! PEE IN VEE!

FYI, if you want to woo Michael Catherwood aka Psycho Mike from KROQ, just say the magic words: "Cocktail server on the Las Vegas strip." Saying that will also make Parker Young's Love Handle go haywire.