Jet Grind Radio Week: Monday with the Man

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And you thought the LAPD was bad! Get a good look at JGR's crack team of Fun Nazis.

By IGN Staff

Don't touch that dial, skate punks! Sega's leading contender for Game of the Year, Jet Grind Radio, is almost ready to hit the airwaves. This bad boy's laying down phat beats and taking over the streets in one of the hippest games ever made, so the crew here at IGNDC agreed that such an event deserved nothing less than a full-on media blitz. So, without further ado, welcome to a little party we like to call Jet Grind Radio Week.

Monday with the Man

While Moms who are too busy complaining about the interactive exploits of Jet Grind's protagonists to take care of their own children have already started plotting against the release of Smilebit's uber-cool graffiti exposition, they're a bit naive to think that Johnny Law isn't already prowling the streets, dead set on ruining a rudie's day.

Sure, Jet Grind Radio is all about the kids cutting loose on the streets of Tokyo, but all that rampant skating and spraying doesn't go unnoticed by the local law enforcement, and eventually, The Man will try to rain on your parade. And not to bore you with an endless stream of opposition to your crimes of expression, almost every new episode offers a new breed of skate-surprising social stifflers.

Leading the charge is Captain Onishima. The bumbling captain of the guard, this guy is one part Clint Eastwood, two parts Barney Fife. While he carries a big gun, and has a definite distaste for our hipster heroes, this guy isn't the sharpest tool in the shed. He's constantly chasing you wherever you go, and loves to tote a seriously large firearm, which he will unleash on you at first opportunity. He tends to get easily frustrated though, and a good tag to the back can send him into temper fits that will give you the time you need to get away.

The Captian may give up easily, but one crew that never seems to quit are his host of henchmen. The Officers in Onishima's department are a rag tag bunch of goons that do a good Keystone Cop routine, but never seem to work together long enough to put our fearless taggers away. They love to try to tackle you though, and when they swarm on you, can be quite a bit of trouble.

But like any solid police force, one of its members has a good nose for trouble, and love to take a bite out of crime. Get the hint yet? That's right. Police Dogs are in full effect in Jet Grind Radio, and you'd swear Onishima never feeds these pups, because as soon as they catch a rudie, they tear into them like a kid who just broke curfew. These guys have a pack mentality as well, but can be a bit more dangerous than their two-legged companions, as they are both faster and more vicious. Wouldn't know it from this cute little picture, would ya?

Not to be outrun by their canine counterparts, some Officers have taken to the streets as part of the force's Motorcycle Unit, and while we can't say CHIPS would be proud, these guys can catch you with a mean wheelie if you don't stay on your toes. A big threat in the early levels, these guys love to wait for you to get in the middle of a big tag, then try to run ya down. Luckily, they seem to be the same stupid guys who chased you on foot, so if you're good on your feet, you can get these guys off your back.

Of course, some of Onishima's cronies are known not for staying on your back, but what's on theirs. Piss off one too many pedestrians with your reckless antics, and The Fuzz will call down a little death from above. That's right kiddies, your friendly neighborhood Paratroopers will eventually come a callin', and these guys are a bit more organized than earlier enemies. After storming down into the midst of your street party, these guys will line up and take aim, and you better watch your ass if they are on the mark.

But the pig patrol doesn't stop there. If you're too squirrelly for the firing squad, Onishima just might resort to calling in the SWAT team, and these guys just love dropping tons of tear gas in your general direction. They are much tougher than your run of the mill officer, and come equipped with full riot gear and a bad attitude. And if you manage to avoid their law-abiding rendition of the Gas Face, these guys aren't afraid to rough you up the old fashioned way. They can deliver a solid beat-down, so don't get too close.

But, the best skaters will find no foot soldier can match their speed and skill, and that's when the po-po will call in the big guns, literally. Air support looked scary when you faced a host of paratroopers, but imagine how tricky making your mark will be with a squad of attack choppers on your back! Armed with heat-seeking missiles and speed to burn, these guys mean business. But, the funny part is, as well as these aces can handle their stick, they don't seem to fly too well when you cover their cockpit with a little lovin'. Just make sure you watch out for the wreckage, will ya?

While it's true that helicopters may wreck, you can always count on the heaviest of artillery to overrun ever the most stubborn obstacles. Onishima's fleet of tanks is no exception. They will blast you from long range, and try to mow you down if you get too close, this is one thing any fun-loving GG will want to avoid. There's no good way to get rid of these guys, and the sooner you can clear out of their turf, the better. But only after you finish the job...

So there you have it. If you're going to paint the town and jam to the sound, you've got to be ready for anything. We hope you guys are ready to play chicken with these knuckleheads, because Tokyo-to needs a few good punks! Check out the killer video showing off the bad guys in JGR, as well as a host of screens. Tomorrow, we'll be taking a look at why these crazy coppers are so pissed at our heroes with a full look at the graffiti scene in Jet Grind Radio. Get ready to for one helluva Sega art gallery, and don't forget to turn up that radio!