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Sometimes when I hit a particularly bad golf shot, I find myself looking for the ball where I want it to be, rather than where it most likely is. On a personal level this could be written off as a harmless bit of wishful thinking. But on a macro level, it reveals an evolutionary character flaw that has Darwinian implications. What are the long term survival chances of a species that is unwilling to see things as they are - when 'as they are'
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For those who don't know, I am a freshly graduated doctor, currently working for a year in the rural area for internship period. Before I go to the core of my blog post, a little prelude may be explanatory.

Right now, being a doctor is probably the most enduring and stressful occupation in Indonesia. I'm not exaggerating; times have been difficult, not just for doctors, but for all health workers as well. Why?

There are many causes. First, the government is not doctor-friendly.
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When I first accepted being gay, I did not give it a lot of thoughts. I just thought that being gay was only one aspect of life which will just fit into the slot.

Too bad those dog days were over.

Now that I see it clearer and clearer everyday, I can see that I have no future as a fully functioning gay man in my birthplace. I can pursue a career and life but not as a gay man as people will stigmatise and dogmatise my life. I will eventually be forced and relent to marrying
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Everything seems to be walking on the spot for me. Nothing really changes for me or in me. Sometimes I just want to stop fighting and struggling and just rest but I can't because I keep on reassuring myself there is something to chase and grasp. But for what aim?

The river is just a river, the trees are all barrens, and the streets are full of strangers.

Being absent for a mere three months, I checked my comments for bittersweet memories - only to get more bitterness. So many people I know self-deleted during the time-out period! And half of them are my close friends here.

I don't know what happened; some might need more time in real life, some might not see the need of hanging out in JUB anymore, some might be fed up of JUB, or some just...move on. There might not be any information about their decisions and even if there were there's
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