Sexy Move: Lose Control aka The Barbaric Yawp

Much of what I talk about involves staying in careful control of yourself. Paying attention to what you are doing, why you are doing it, how you are doing it. Being mindful and having a plan. Overall this is a good practice but taken too far can make you a little less playful and animated than you could be.

There’s hardly enough time in one day to work, work out, work on the house, work on a hobby, work on the kid’s homework with them and work her over really good at the end of the day. All work and no play made Jack a dull boy, even if it’s all supposedly Sex Rank building stuff. Don’t forget to relax a little and have fun once in a while.

In the bedroom there’s a lot that can turn into work as well. Am I touching her just right? Is she going to orgasm? I’m doing this then this then that. I’m holding back on cumming because she’s not done yet. How do I look? She’s wearing something frilly to bed so now I gotta make sure this goes really well. We did it her on top the last two times and so I should be on top of her because she likes that but I’m so tired tonight.

A few rounds of that and sex turns into work. And you end up being very controlled in the act of making love. The old Woody Allen joke is that he thought of entire games of baseball when making love to delay cumming too quickly. I think modern guys tend to be so hyper focused on the mechanics of what they are in the middle of doing that they can lose enjoyment of the moment. I’m kissing like that, a little hair pulling like that, a little spank like that, kiss the boobs like that, doing the sexy move to the clit like that… after a while it’s kinda like playing Pussy Hero 4 on the Wii. Just mash the A Button until the meter fills up, and then it’s BBAB then DOWN UP DOWN really quickly to do the Ultimate Finishing Move.

Of course this is all just great for the wife, she gets a great orgasm, but you’re turning into her favorite vibrator. Which isn’t making her feel particularly sexy and desired.

The solution is simple, lose control.

What if she was so unbelievably sexy, you couldn’t control yourself with her? What if you having sex with her were so hot to you that your eyes glazed over and you basically mentally just check out for the entire thing? So just let yourself become a passenger as your body takes over and makes absolutely sure that you only care about one thing – getting semen deep into her vagina. Then once your body is finished with her body, you drift back to proper consciousness.

She may or may not orgasm from that. Frankly it doesn’t matter. She’ll feel sexy and desired though.

And don’t blow it by apologizing either. Try these phrases…

“Wow that was intense.”

“That was amazing, how did you do that to me?”

“I think my balls might hurt a little.”

“Can we not do that more than twice a week please.”

“Holy crap that was just half a tab of Viagra.”

“We’re gonna stay married together forever right.”

“What year is it?”

“I’m starting to like you I think.”

“This was consensual right?”

(Or if you think you can pull it off…)

“I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

Never gonna make you cry

Never gonna say goodbye

Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you”

I’m not saying you do this every time, that’s going to get a little old after a while, but once in a while it’s going to make her feel sexy and desirable. Which in turn is going to prime her pump for more in the future.

For the most part I tend to work fairly hard on being in control with Jennifer and making sure she orgasms (if she wants it, which is most times), but then there is usually a vague crossing over to this out of control sense. Usually it’s the last 5-30 seconds before I come. On occasion though it’s earlier. There is a small element of acting to make it happen, but also a larger element of just going with it as well.

And when you cum into her, don’t just hold your breath and ejaculate. Make some noise of some sort and thrust hard as you pour into her. Be like tiger. RAWR!

Anthol, any suggestions for getting my husband to try your moves? He's kinda the woman in our relationship…low desire, "I'm too tired for sex," that kind of stuff. I need him to go more alpha and have tried all kinds of things on my end to seduce him. Sometimes it works, but more often than not, I end up getting lame, lazy sex.

Maybe you and Jennifer can share how you two each use different techniques to make your sex life so good together? I am so desperate for a little variety and would love to want sex with the hubs again.

I am afraid this is practically the only way I "make love" to my wife.

I actually did this when I had sex with my wife this morning. I just held her shoulders down and slammed into her as hard as I could. My words at orgasm were "Got you, you bitch".

She smacked me on the bottom for calling her that and I pinned her arms down over her head. I then rolled off onto her arm and stayed there. I only got off her arm after she asked me a few times.

Later she told me that she was bored during the experience. (She pulls a face while I am fucking her that could be pleasure, pain or boredom). There is only one possible response to that sort of remark. I told her I didn't care if she was bored. I also teased her by telling her that I am only using her until I can afford a Japanese sex robot.

I think these and other remarks turned her on, because she soon asked for an (erotic) spanking tonight.

No, I wasn't mocking you. It was straight reportage from a real marriage. I suppose I had a slight point that just banging the girl does not necessarily make her happy. However that is pretty much all I ever do. I have tried a gentler, slower approach but that seems to just drive us both to distraction.

Technique IS overrated. If the girl is hot for you, she will enjoy any sex with you. If not, not. Sometimes my wife is hot for me, sometimes not so much.