Kebab reviews from Glasgow and beyond

Mezza, Glasgow

So, you wait ages for a kebab review, and then one comes along at once!

Sorry about the lack of updates of late, dear reader. This has been partly due to the fact that I have been super busy doing other stuff, and partly because I’ve not really had any inspiration of late. Blogging, it turns out, is as susceptible to the law of diminishing marginal utility as anything else: the more you do it, the less you want to – i.e. it becomes a bit boring.

Luckily, I managed to snap myself out of this malaise by going to Tesco. Let me explain. Today is 14°, which for Glasgow means it’s basically <insert awful Scottish weather joke>. I had been out and about after work, and had decided it was time for an al fresco beverage. Had a couple at Brewdog, then went on my merry way to the State, but needed some food to keep me going. Problem was, I genuinely trying to avoid the kebabs. Eat something different, maybe a bit healthier, y’know? As I neared the State, and having walked past Taco Bell, Nandos, Subway and that NY pizza place that used to be a kilt hire shop, I thought “balls to this, I’m having a Tesco sandwich”. And I was about 50 yards away from doing exactly that until I looked over the road and saw something new.

A new Lebanese bistro in town? Tescos was immediately “pied” and I went here instead.

I was greeted by the owner who I must say was very keen. He explained that Mezza have only just opened, so are running a limited menu. I enquired as to what was on the menu, and he proceeded to go through the entire menu explaining what was on and what wasn’t. All four pages. I didn’t wish to interrupt this pure poetry – it was almost mesmerising – but I had to. “Ahh yes, mixed shawarma please” I said as soon as he got to the “wraps and sandwiches” bit, several minutes after he’d started. “Really?” The owner looked puzzled. “It’s not good, y’know, to mix the lamb and chicken. Awful”. I was in awe. Not only was he being brutal about his own cuisine, he wasn’t the slightest bit apologetic about having it on the menu in the first place, in the way a snooty waiter at a posh restaurant would exclaim “you’re having the salmon?? What’s wrong with you, you fucking idiot, also, that’s £40 please”.

I looked around as I decided whether this would be a carry out or a sit in job. It’s a nice place, though deserted at time of visit, I dare say this will change. I settled on a takeaway in the end; and a chicken shawarma wrap instead of a mix. “Ahh, very good” came the response, almost as if they didn’t have the lamb on that day or something, “you’ll like the chicken! Very good, the chicken. Garlic sauce!”. It was like talking to the human equivalent of a Donald Trump tweet. But he was right, it *was* good. Here comes the now obligatory half eaten wrap pic:

Just look at the meat on that! This was really good, I have no idea what he did to the meat but it tasted like it had been marinaded in spices and herbs for weeks; the flavour went right through it. The pickles and garlic sauce were right on spec as well, the bread thinner than most shawarma places, thus giving you a superior filling-to-shell ratio. Downsides? Well, it was a little bit cold to be honest. There is no spit in this place, at least not out front. As such, I imagine the meat is prepared behind the scenes, stored refrigerated, and only heated in the sandwich press. On the upside, like ShawarmaPolice.com favourite Istanbul, they give you your lunch in a paper bag. Fancy!

Finally, the price. £4.95 this set me back, which was a little disappointing, as the menu said £3.95 for takeaways, and £4.95 for sitting in. “Ahh yes, sorry” the man behind the counter said, “the menu is wrong, lots of mistakes…”. In the same manner that he read out the menu to me 5 minutes prior, he went to point out where the menu was wrong. “Here, meal for 4, is wrong… This, price wrong here…”. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. A fivers not bad for this part of town, so let him have the extra quid, I say! The food was really good, if not slightly cold, and the wrap was a reasonable size. I would give this one nine out of ten, but unfortunately there’s a printing error on the blog, not my fault guv, so it’s a 7/10 from me.