Author Comments

*edit* wow thanks so much for front page! i hope this platform will get people pretty amped about the next episode! i've basically already begun it and can't wait to bring it here! i will try to reply to as many comments as i can

Hey guys!

I'm truly excited to bring the first section of my very own series to Newgrounds. It may not be as action packed as future episodes but i think its a great jumping off point and gives a sense of what the rest of the series will feel like!

Thanks so much to D-mac and Giantjuicy - i made this script a looooong time ago and they probly thought i had forgotten it - im glad to have it out and hope to be contacting the full cast of voice actors for the first episode soon !

I hope to see the first full episode IN the portal by the end of august as well!

So thanks for checkin it out - and try to keep an open mind while watching! (i know this wont be for everyone haha)

Rated 4 / 5 stars2011-07-04 07:32:38

Nice and just a tad Cliche

As a lot of your reviewers had said, it is a bit cliche. But being a fellow story teller, a lot of our ideas will always be cliche, so I'm not worried on that point.

A few notes. The bad guy, unless the lines down his cheek mean something, they make him look like a puppet, Maybe a bit more detail to his eyes, making them look evil will get your point across more that he is the bad guy. Make them pointier and his eyebrows like lightning bolts, red eyes or even yellow. The animations were a bit off putting, but I am no Da Vinci, so I can't talk. As far as the way the old man tells the story, in all reality that kid would not have stuck around to say I'm listening. But this is just a trailer and it's your story. Just put a little more creativity in what things are said to each of the characters. The voices were good. Just touch up the animations, enhance the background a bit please and for gods sake do something about that relic of a ship, lmao. Like I said, this is coming from a fellow story writer/teller. You have to capture the audience, and having a man come from nowhere, talk about a special team of special individuals without showing any unique talents other than hitting a rock is not as catching as you would hope. Now if he had hit the rock back, it had broken the kids nose, then he pulled off his glasses and looked the bullies dead in the eyes, without saying a word they ran scared, woulda been a bit more interesting. Just some pointers, don't change the story for me though, just a bit more detail in each of your char's.

Rated 3.5 / 5 stars2011-07-03 18:11:55

Pretty Good

I liked this for the most part, but I was really put off by the voice acting for the kid. It sounded very generic and forced. The other dude was good though. I'll definitely check out the next entry in this series, I just hope that voice actor can step it up.