advanced reading copy of ADOPTING GRACE
83 of 186

There are times as we parent our daughters that red flags gently wave and remind me to pay attention. Whether this happens at school, church, or in our neighborhood, my husband and I must stop, consider, and make the best decisions for the situation at hand. We cannot protect our children from all pain and suffering, but we don’t ever want to invite these things into their lives through the doors of our own inattention, self doubt, or discomfort around “rocking the boat” in any particular social interaction. It is quite the delicate balance, but I have learned the hard way that it begins with a commitment to listen to my gut. **** As we own our parts, the goal is not to beat ourselves up or to live in a constant state of regret. Honesty and self- awareness are critical, but they are just one step in the direction of healing. One day I had an “aha moment” as I conversed with a trusted family therapist. She had used the term “good enough parent,” first coined by Dr. Donald Winnicott, on several occasions. But on this day a light bulb went off inside. Her paraphrased message went something like this. “Even if you could be a perfect parent, and we all know that isn’t possible, it is truly best for your child if you are only good enough.” A wave of grace washed over me. It is even better for my child when I am simply good enough rather than when I waste energy pursuing elusive perfection. This invitation to stop pressuring myself relieved internal tension and a committed pursuit of good enough parenting ensued. ADOPTING GRACE ADVANCED READING COPY 83