1. Make the Royal do a reading in church. Important that all
your guests know that you're grand enough to have an actual Royal
at your wedding. Not only will their name be printed in the order
of service, everyone will get a chance to gawp at them. Not that
Corinthians one about clashing cymbals and gongs though. Pick some
sort of cringey sonnet about love for them to read
instead.

2. There will probably be paparazzi
outside the church, waiting to capture a photo of this Royal. Walk
in and out of the church v-e-r-y slowly so they can also get a shot
of you. Particularly good if you can stand creepily close to the
Royal for a photo alongside them. The papers will definitely print
that one.

3. A nifty way to save cash is to
ask the Royal if they can come to the wedding in one of their big,
posh cars - ideally a Bentley or a Rolls Royce - and if they'd mind
giving you and your new husband a lift back from church to the
reception in it.

4. Make sure whoever's making the
speeches reiterates that there's a Royal present. 'Your Royal
highness, ladies, gentleman' and so on. Extra points if you can get
a Royal to make a speech. At a Norfolk wedding in 2013 where Prince
William was best man, he opened his speech with 'James is the
poshest man I know…' Lols ricocheted around the marquee.

5. Seat the Royal next to Auntie
Meredith. Royals are incredibly good at small talk and most of them
have excellent manners. Auntie Meredith will be charmed.

6. No garlic in the canapes or
dinner. The Royals don't eat it because they worry about their
breath given that they have to meet so many people. See? Even they
have their insecurities.

7. You should probably have a 'no
social media' rule at your wedding if there's a Royal present, but
make sure that you get into the photo booth with the Royal at some
point and take lots of photos for your fridge. This applies if
you're the bride or groom or just a guest. That way, when you have
people round for dinner and they peer at the photos stuck on your
fridge, you can say 'Oh yes, just me and <insert name of
Royal> larking about. They're terribly sweet in
person.'

8. Make sure there's a special loo
for the Royal. They can't use normal portaloos like the rest of us.
Prince Charles even carries around his own loo seat with
him

9. Make use of the fact you'll have
beefy security men there protecting the Royal, so when Uncle Andy
starts getting lairy on the dancefloor they can bundle him off for
a glass of water.

10. Finally, if you are a guest at a
wedding where there's a Royal present and you are wearing the same
coat or dress as that Royal, don't panic. You will find it funny
eventually. This happened to my friend Sarah, who went to a
Gloucestershire wedding in 2014 in the same Missoni coat as Kate
Middleton, both bought from Bicester Village. Sarah ended up on the
front page of various papers, pictured next to Kate in the matching
coat, having apparently committed a grave 'fashion faux-pas,' and
all her friends, especially me, had a jolly good laugh. The good
thing is she can also laugh about it now. Three years
on.