“Morality is not just something that people learn, it is something we are all born with,” wrote Gareth Cook in his recent interview with Yale psychologist Paul Bloom in an issue of Scientific American (Nov 12, 2013) (italics mine).

The interview with Bloom continues:

“At birth, babies are endowed with compassion, with empathy, with the beginning of a sense of fairness.

The sort of research that I’ve been involved with personally, looking at the origins of moral judgment, is difficult to do with very young babies. But we have found that even 3-month-olds respond differently to a character who helps another than to a character who hinders another person.”

This kind of research supports the core of child-centered spirituality–

… that conscience, morals, character are in them already. That the way to develop children’s spirit is found in opening yourself up to their world, in asking them questions and answering theirs, in listening.

It is universal, but we still avoid the topic

Think about the last time you were in a discussion with people of diverse spiritual perspectives about how your child’s human spirit is developing. I’m guessing it wasn’t anytime recently at a play group, team barbeque, or playground bench.

Do we want to normalize it?

In light of the research, this topic is of more importance to children than many of us realize. I wonder if it would be in the best interest of the child to attempt to normalize the topic by talking more opening about cultivating our child’s spirit. For example, asking other parents to give you recommendations for some picture books their child likes with spiritual themes of forgiveness, equality or sharing. Or swapping stories of family spiritual experiences such as visiting an elderly friend or taking a nature walk.

What would it look like if you did that?

Would open interaction point us toward a framework that helps us understand ourselves and others and our place in the world?

Tweetable: At birth, babies are endowed with compassion, with empathy, with the beginning of a sense of fairness. Click to Tweet

Conscience, reason, character and more. All part of a child’s human spirit–ready for us to explore and cultivate with them.

Where are you seeing growth and change in the children you love? How are you helping to make it possible?

A story from my own childhood comes to mind as I reflect upon these questions. Last week I recognized one way my mother did this for me. It was last week when the doctor questioned me about my foot pain: “Do you wear pointy shoes or did you used to?”

I thought about my pointy shoes and those long-ago piano lessons

When I was 8 or 9, my piano teacher participated in NFSM and all her piano students had a yearly audition, a non-competitive adjudication. We were judged on individual merit in the areas of accuracy, continuity, phrasing, dynamics, rhythm, interpretation, style and technique. That meant four years of daily piano practice.

After going many tearful rounds with me about skipping out on practicing

my mother thought of a game-changer. We went to the thrift store and got dress-up clothes, including beautiful satin high heels. My father sawed off the heels so drastically that they were only slightly higher than my sneakers. But they were stunningly pointed.

After school, for at least one year, I got all dressed up, made dramatic entrances into the living room, walked across the Hollywood Bowl stage and, to deafening applause, began to play Czerny. Frequently I stood to bow before the adoring crowd of furniture.

With one small idea, my mother kept me in the game

so that fruits of character had a chance to ripen. In those four years I grew in diligence, reliability, consistency, and the wherewithal to push through when I don’t feel like it.

Tweetable: Does your child complain constantly about practicing a musical instrument? Try this idea.Click to Tweet

First steps

When someone found enough merit in a post to “Share” it with his Facebook friends

First language translation: German

A growing number of people trust Child-Centered Spirituality

We would be nothing without this community who shares the idea that children come to us with a vibrant human spirit, that we have the opportunity to develop and encourage what has already been placed inside the child.

So I’d like to acknowledge here (in no particular order) some of the efforts readers made to promote Child-Centered Spirituality in its first year:

Seeing Richard’s “Like” on almost every post the entire year

Michelle’s frequent “Share” with her social media networks, referring me to Alisha, and more

Shan standing by me in Dec-Jan-Feb when I felt like throwing in the towel

Conrad sharing the childcenteredspirituality.com link with his friends in Australia

Parents, too many to name, who gave consent to use a story or picture of their children

The “we” you may not know

You’re welcome to take a peek behind the scenes of Child Centered Spirituality. Four people collaborate with me in the writing and distribution of the blog. Tara Miller edits and contributes ideas. Alisha Ule assists with social media and technical support. Annette Schalk does the German translation. And my husband Bob has been an unwavering source of support throughout the entire process.

Here’s a summary of my favorite approach to answering many questions asked by children:

Some people think X

Some people think Y

Some people think Z

[optional] I think Z because___

What do you think?

Here is how this approach plays out with Santa…

Take a question that comes up in some families at this time of year. There are many opinions on this subject. Below are quotes from children about whether Santa is real, courtesy of Answers.com, and in general they can be broken down into three categories.

The first group of children says that Santa is real

He wears a red suit, and he lives at the North Pole, making presents for kids and delivering them all over the world on Christmas Eve in his sleigh.

Yes, Santa WAS a real man. He lived in Turkey.

Santa is real and everyone knows it! He is so real because he has brought me presents every year and he will do the same every year. I love him too!

The second group of children says that Santa doesn’t exist

….and those things are impossible.

Totally not, it is just a silly rumor to get children to do what they are told.

No, sorry. He was derived from a person named to be St. Nicholas. He gave toys to children, and wore red bishop’s clothing. He also is believed to have dropped things down chimneys at night, to avoid being seen. But this was a long time ago and he died.

No there is no Santa as we know him, but there are nice people out there who are like mini-Santas. So yes your mom or dad were buying the presents, and there’s no point writing letters. I actually cried when my mom first told me.

The third group admits that he doesn’t have a tactile presence but is nonetheless real

… in the hearts and minds of parents and children and in the spirit of Christmas. We as a society make him real.

Well, Santa Clause is sort of real and sort of not because St Nicholas is Santa Claus and he lived a long time ago and gave to the poor and the wealthy making gifts out of wood.

Santa Claus is real to some people but not to others. He is real to all those who believe. Keep believing!

Tweetable: Here’s an idea of what to say when #children ask if #Santa is real. Click to Tweet