New Year, Probably Old Me

2018 was a year for me.

My life changed, drastically in a multitude of ways that I could never imagine. But here we are, nearly five days into 2019 and I have hung in there.

I said goodbye to my grandparents, spreading their ashes across the property they built their home and lives on for the last 45 years. Below is a picture that was taken exactly 50 years apart on our wedding day.

I nearly died in a snowstorm and learned to at least respect the practice of astrology… seriously. I thought it was a joke until I had two different near death experiences traveling on the first day of twos separate mercury retrogrades. Come at me if you want, but I said what I said.

We saw Hamilton after trying to get tickets for ages. My life was changed. I still listen to the soundtrack, or a song from it nearly every day. Hamilton has been a constant in the ups and downs of pregnancy for me and I am forever thankful for it.

My husband and I decided to start a family. And in doing so we started a family without a chance to have any second thoughts. As I write this I am very, very pregnant. The point of pregnant where you are ready to not be pregnant, but here we are.

I traveled to New York City for the first time in my life and fell in love. What a vibrant city. Absolutely full of life and abuzz at all times of the day.

The most important thing I learned in 2018 was to recognize the points in my life where I was no longer serving myself and allowing myself to wallow. I went through the worst depression and refused to get help, thinking I could self-medicate and you know what? It did not work. It was never going to work. I finally reached out for help and it changed my life for the better. It led me to the realization that I wanted to start a family and continue the legacy my grandparents left behind.

Reading on the Subway in NYC

Here I am 2019. I am ready to get this kid out. I am ready to set intention and stick to it. I am ready to start my life and move forward. Tomorrow I will be posting my bookish resolutions of 2019 as well as my January reading list. *Spoiler alert* it is heavily reliant on finishing what I start for once, since the end of 2018 I was a pregnant disaster.

This is the year to set, and stick to the resolutions that give me back a sense of self… I know the absolute chaos that my life is about to become and I am ready to meet that chaos head on in the best way I can handle it! Ok, now off to finish my first book of 2019!