Thursday, January 10, 2002

new job

Started Monday with the new job.

Everybody there is very friendly. Played finger games and did crafts with the pre-schoolers. Met some wacky stay-at-home Mom. She looked like Audrey Hepburn -- if Audrey Hepburn had been a little underweight and a lot less classy.

Nice enough lady, though.

Finally met the ONLY OTHER GUY that works here. He's straight, thank God. I'm just not in the mood for an office romance right now. And I'd probably have fallen for him, since I really go for the librarian type. Sort of sick, I know.

Talked with Peter "The Last Baron" last night. We chatted briefly as I made supper. Told me about his childhood in Germany and discussed how different the culture is there. "We are born under a blue sky and die in a dark forest," he reminded me. Love that quote. Gotta love those macabre Germans!

Today's lunch: carrots, cashews and peanut butter and honey sandwiches. Tasty. Found a hip hop station on the radio I like: FM 95.5. It's clever stuff, hip hop, as long as it's unique and intelligently done. One of the songs sampled the opening few seconds of George Michael's "Father Figure." Great sample. And very different.

Daily preciousness, dear journal, I've missed you. I need to spend more time with you, now that I'm single again and full of stories to tell.

My heart is so lonely now that I'm no longer in love -- no longer loved, romantically, at least.

Why is it that part of me requires emotional fulfillment like that? I feel like a cricket that chirps alone, solitary, on a hilltop, when I'm single. That's no fun.

Well, I will adjust. And being new in town certainly is a challenge. I just want a few friends to call and hang out with. That's not too much to ask.

Falling out of love. Realizing that the sun doesn't rise and set on a certain special guy. That's challenging. I have to keep that in mind. It's going to be a difficult few weeks/months for me, I am sure of that.

It's an amazingly beautiful book. It talks about being bi-cultural and living in two worlds, two different cultures. My favorite sentence from the story: "The funny thing is, the moment I am in one country, I am homesick for the other." Something about my strange post-breakup mood, the cold weather, and the beautiful text and illustrations of the book conspired against me.

I was just weeping like a baby at the bus stop, my eyeglasses fogging up as the colors of the red and purple sky in front of me bled together in a tear-blurred mess.

I covered my red face and blood-shot eyes with my scarf, while strangers walked quietly past. Couldn't help but make a little noise. Nobody noticed, I don't think. If they did, they probably would've thought I was crazy.

All in all, it was a healthy cry. I obviously needed to do it -- it just exploded so quickly that I didn't see it coming.