I've been rushed off my feet this week with fitness classes and family coming together for my cousins wedding party. I also had my college induction which was kind of exciting. This was officially my last week of summer as I'm back in college this Wednesday coming (2nd Sept). It will be nice to get back into the swing of learning again and to be honest, I've missed the company of my fellow stylists :)

Like i said i have been going to some fitness classes this week too which has been exhilarating. I'm enjoying the idea of getting fit and although one of the classes did result in me throwing up (that wasn't pleasant) i have been trying hard to get in shape.

In terms of weight loss, I've been really bad food wise. Due to being so tired from 2 classes back to back, i couldn't bother cooking so we had Chinese, i had a kids meal at Burger King yesterday between a client and the party and tonight cause i feel really ill and cant stomach the idea of standing cooking in the kitchen we are ordering in again. I'm pretty sure my pound loss is gonna go out the window next week when i weigh in. I just need to hope that i can work it back off in the gym *Fingers crossed*

This week I'm grateful for

Agent M - I was a little worried how well he would get back into the routine of school and more specifically homework since the usual process was similar to pulling teeth however he has been brilliant and has been thoroughly enjoying school again. Long may that continue. He has also started swimming lessons this week which was great as it took me a while to convince him to go. His usual argument was "but what if i drown?" failing to grasp that that is the point of learning to swim. He does know some of the basics but when its time to take another breath he tends to panic a little, However his first lesson went well and his instructor was very pleased with how confident he was in the water. I had a proud lump in my throat watching my baby boy swim :)

My Family - I come from a massive family on both my mum and dads side. My dad's side of the family are kind of scattered and although the majority of them live in Scotland, we don't really see much of each other or keep in touch bar the occasional Facebook comment. My mums side however are all involved in each others lives. I know what all my cousins and extended family are doing, we all communicate and when we get together, usually revolving around the Grandparents, we all easily fit back into the swing of family life. My maternal side of the family all lookout for each other and its very strange to leave them without a kiss and cuddle goodbye.

This weekend was my Big Cousins wedding party. Almost like a reception for their wedding since they got married abroad so that we can all celebrate with them. It was brilliant. All the cousins came with their kids, some extended family made the trip and we had a great time. My mum and co made the trip too which was brilliant as it gave me another chance to seen them from the summer. Having all of us i the one room along with the Brides family was interesting as it was really jazzy to see the generations getting together. Its a rare thing to be able to get 4 generations of the one family in the same room and since my grandparents are getting on, having these family gatherings makes it all the more special. I'm very grateful that i still get to spend time with my family cause i love every one of them :)

Well the school holidays are officially over and Agent M went back to School this week. I had mixed feelings about it to be honest.

I was glad to get him back into the routine of school and to be honest its a relief to get some time to myself. I know that sounds really bad coming from a mum but lets get real here ... Sometimes Mummies need some down time too. Between getting ready for school/college, dealing with Family stuff and feeling really low, my head has been kind of cramped. At the same time though, Its kinda sad too as i miss having my wee pal with me during the day. Yeah the constant Minecraft talk started to make me zone out but i always had company and his made up jokes (however random) were really funny. Him going into primary 4 is a bit scary too cause he's growing up so fast!

I guess that's just parenting for ya.A big old muddle of emotions.

This week I'm grateful for ...

Friends - This week has been a bit shitty for me mentally. I don't know what's up with me just now but i just feel 'Meh'. I had made plans with a friend from College to meet for coffee and although on the day i was feeling like i just wanted to curl up on the sofa, i resisted the urge cause i really missed her and wanted to meet up again. I'm so glad i did! Getting the chance to chat, some of it important stuff and some of it rather trivial, made me feel alot more 'normal'. It wasn't till we took a trip to the college that i realised what could be up. I've been feeling lonely and very much in need of adult conversation. Yeah Agent M will talk your ears off but all the conversations with him have to be age appropriate. Sometimes you just need that friendly ear that will understand when you say "I feel like shit!". I start college in 2 weeks and i cant wait! It will be nice to meet up with all my old class mates again cause I've missed them over the summer. It will be nice to get back into the swing of learning again cause I've missed feeling like i was doing something worth while. And I've missed feeling like my old self ... Cause she was alot more upbeat!

Its been 3 weeks today since i decided to try and get fit and so far I'm having mixed feelings.

The first week went quite well i feel ... I was keen to get started and i figure that small changes that can be maintained long term would be better than drastic changes that i couldn't stick to.

I was a big fizzy juice drinker. I would get a 2lt bottle of Sprite or 7-Up and that would be what i would drink through the week. Often when i was out i would get a bottle of something fizzy to quench my thirst and on many an occasion i would still be thirsty an hour or so later and have to buy another one.

This was first on my get fit hit list. I have gone from having alot of fizzy juice to having only 2 glasses in the 3 week period. (Both of these times was a Fresh orange and Lemonade while out with the Agents. I will say this is a big improvement and I've been finding I'm not as thirsty all the time when I'm drinking water. Its seems to quench it better, though I'm hoping to up my water to 2lt a day.

I've decided to weigh myself every Saturday (Since that's when i took my initial weight) and after the first week i was pleased to find i had lost 2 pounds. Obviously i was going in the right direction.

Week 2 was a bit of a harder week for me.

Agent M was on his last week of holiday and we spent most of the time out and about. When it came to lunch time i wanted something quick and easy so we ended up having food out a few times. Not the healthiest option! And dinners where really bad too. I was tired and feeling really crappy so we had quick food. Burgers ... Pizza ... Chicken Kiev. All foods that weren't exactly the best thing to be eating when you wanna lose weight. My only saving grace was that i skipped the chips in favour of salad (Which I'm really loving just now).

The weigh in for week 2 told me i lost 1 pound ... Which although i wasn't exactly thrilled with, i kind of expected.

This last week I'm been trying really hard and although i had a set back emotionally with some random wee bitch in the town calling me fat (That really hurt!) I've been doing good food wise and exercising more. I've been walking instead of getting the bus if its a shorter distance and I've been trying out some exercise videos too (though i find myself getting distracted with housework or shabba thinking I'm trying to play.

I weighed myself this morning, hoping for another pound or two loss and i was really disappointed to see i had gained a pound.

Safe to say I'm in a pretty pissed off mood.

I don't know what i have done wrong or if its just a shit happens kinda deal.

I'm trying to look at it in terms of 3lb in 3 weeks isn't too bad ... At least its something but this week had just really annoyed me.

Agent M is due to start swimming lessons next week and while i was in the Galleon Centre, i noticed that they do an offer for College students to join for £28.05 a month which gives you access to the gym, swimming pool, sauna and some classes.

I'm going to try some of the classes individually to see if its something i can do and if so I'm gonna join the gym. Hopefully that will help me get on the right track exercise wise and when I'm trying to follow a Yoga move i wont have a dog trying to climb over me for cuddles. Good thing is i can do a few of them on my days off when Agent M is at school so i don't have to worry about him.

Here's just hoping i start to lose the weight again and don't gain any more :(

I'm not sure if its made worse because I've had only 4 hours sleep but today Agent M starts primary 4 and i feel all sad.

Why? Cause my baby boy is growing up.

I know that probably sounds really silly ... of course he's growing up ... he's supposed to ... that's a good thing.

Yeah, it is and I'm proud of how well he's turning out. I've had very few "difficult" phases with Agent M but I'm becoming more and more aware that I'm gonna have to let him go (so to speak). He's coming up on 9 fast and furiously and soon he'll wanna spend time with his friends over doing things with me. Soon he'll get really nippy about me kissing and cuddling him in public. He's already started to get that independent way. It was a fuss me walking through the school gates with him this morning cause he wants to go on his own and play football with his pals.

Seeing the little ones starting school this morning just brought it all flooding back to me. 4 years ago that was me holding back the tears taking my baby into primary 1 and now he's half way through his primary school years.

I feel really teary today with it all but i knew it was coming.

I'm not going to be needed as much as he grows up and eventually he'll be a teen and not want anything to do with me.

Its been a quiet week here and to be honest I'm glad for it. Agent M came back on Wednesday and it was a relief to have him home since the car has been acting up. I had images of him being stuck at the side of the road for the night. It's nice to have my family back together :)

Agent M has also been away with his Papa this weekend too so its given me a chance to get everything ironed and labelled for going back to school on Tuesday. I'll be honest, I'm kinda sad that tomorrow (Monday) is the last day of the summer holidays but at the same time I'm relieved that we'll be back in our routine again and that i can get some time to myself to get ready for college starting back up. At least i don't need to go hunting for a minion bag and gym shoes for me :)

This week I'm grateful for

Agent D - He's been a real trooper though all the heartache of his Nan passing and having him home again, i can feel the difference. It was right up to the 11th hour wither he was going to be able to go or not, and I'm really grateful we could pull together the money to let him go. Although money is tight, You only get once chance to pay your respects to someone who's passed. Since he's been back though he's been alot calmer and been able to have a giggle with him again :) We of course sent him lots of pictures to make sure he knew we were thinking about him :) Kisses for Dad!

Agent M - I've tried to make this last week as fun as i could since it was the last week of the holidays. He's been helping out around the house (which i appreciate) so i decided to treat him with a trip to the Cinema to see Inside Out. We went for lunch before hand too which is nice cause I'm hoping these are the things he'll remember when he's older. Times out with Mama :)

*Can you tell by the face that he's getting fed up of Mama taking pictures all the time lol*

Before the Summer break, Agent M was doing a Dinosaur topic at school. He enjoyed it so much that i decided to have a look for some crafting activities over the summer with a Dino theme.

There were a few things that came up but this set caught my eye ... Dinosaur Hama Beads.

I used to play with Hama beads when i was younger so i thought it would be fun to let Agent M try them out. The Kit came with everything that you need to make the 3 dinosaurs on the box.

Hama beads come in 3 different sizes now (i only remember the Midi size) and this kit in particular is a midi kit. Below is a comparison so you can get a rough idea of the difference.

Midi is the most common size for the kits I've seen and Maxi is good for the smaller kids. *I bought a mini kit for myself and I'm telling you they are tiny! I'll blog about that kit when i get the chance to sit down and make it lol*

Because the beads are so small (even at Midi) i would recommend putting them in some kind of container ... That said the kids may still scatter them. Agent M made a good job at dropping a few for me to find later lol.

Plus side to the tub is that there will be Hama beads left so if the tub has a lid then its instant storage for them *Agent M is heart set on making more Hama "creations" with the left overs*

The instructions are pretty straight forward and the pattern they give you to follow is really easy so i left Agent M to it while i got on with some housework.

Every now and again i would come and check on him and find him quite happily adding beads to the peg board till he eventually completed his first dino - Terry the T-rex (his choice in name btw).

He was told from the beginning that the ironing would be left to me, so after he completed the dinosaurs, i gave them a quick press with the iron and voilà ... We now have a trio of dinosaurs roaming the house :)

It was great fun for him to make them so I've secretly ordered some more kits and beads to add to our stash. I hope he likes them :)

You see, there has really been one thing on my mind this week ... Nan Pat ... and its with tears in my eyes that i type this weeks gratitude post.

I don't know if you read about our day at Ashton Court or if you read a previous gratitude list when i included her but for those of you who didn't catch it, Nan Pat was Agent D's Grandmother who was terminally ill.

Unfortunately she passed away last weekend and its been a really sad time here.

Its never easy when a family member passes away but it hurts a little more with Nan Pat as she lived so far away. Agent D would have loved to have been able to see her more but with the distance that just wasn't possible.

I am grateful however that we got to see her this summer. It was a chance for us to say goodbye to a lovely lady.

I'm grateful that she is no longer in pain. I cant imagine the hell she was going though but bless her heart she still had her sense of humour and a great outlook on life.

I'm grateful that i even got the chance to meet her. She was such an important part of Agent D's life and i will forever be grateful that i got to have her in our life.

This weekend Agent D is down in England to pay his final respects and to be honest I'm a little heart broken that i couldn't go with him. I hate that i cant support Agent D through his grief and i would have liked to pay my respects too. However I'm glad that he has his family with him and that he is getting to say goodbye.

So I'll say my goodbye's from a distance. I'll light a candle on Tuesday night for her and I'll hold my memories of her close in my heart.