I felt lost for a long time. There was so much fear within. Because of it, I dared not to make a move toward light. I felt like everything is falling on me super heavily. Felt hopeless, but recently I just decided to do what I wanted to do. By doing meditation and other spiritual practices, I hope this will bring towards light. Even though not sure where things are at or things are still not so great. I just have to go for it and see, like someone said, not too attached to the outcome. Just do thing in the present moment and let it be. I felt lighter, able to catch myself in the low state and go against it. But part of it tells me there’s the truth I’m not handling correctly… something is not right but this is somehow connected to fear and pride. I wish God can shed some light on me, clear up my misunderstandings so I can do the right thing for everyone. I don’t want to go against love as I definitely want to fight for it.

Being conscious is being here seeing and experience life in the present moment as it unfolds. It’s that higher sense of love that’s latent within each of us. In order to activate it, we need to be in awareness.

What do I mean by that? Well, yesterday we had a big snow storm. Usually I don’t like to shovel and always waited until the snow stops falling before going outside. And usually, I’d complaint and just can’t wait to be over with. Yesterday, I told myself that I’d be aware of the present moment. So I got the shovel and started, taking my time patiently. The whole of my attention was on shoveling the snow. I noticed slowly, I didn’t mind it to actually enjoy shoveling. I didn’t complaint at all. No feelings or thoughts of irritation. One point I just stood their watching the snow and there was this feeling of peace and joy. It was a wonderful feeling that emanated from within. It only lasted a min but I wish I could be in that state every moment and day. So they say that we feel consciousness when it’s being activated. We activate it by being in the present moment with our mind and body.

Also, when consciousness is activated, we see beauty in details like the picture of the flower above. We’d see the shape, size, and colors of it. By giving it our attention, we can feel what it’s like to be it. Our five senses of taste, see, hear, smell and touch also come alive.

Although a wonderful feeling, it’s not easy to be in that state for long as we have the chattering mind that takes us elsewhere. The normal way is that we in the present doing things but the mind is elsewhere therefore consciousness hardly gets activated. So, we need to train the mind by coming back often and focus on current activity in each moment.