Honoring Our Old Friend, The Telephone

LOOK CLOSELY AT THIS PHOTO. SEE THE MAN AT THE BOTTOM? WHAT IS HE DOING? TALKING ON A CELL PHONE. THE TELEPHONE HAS EVOLVED INTO A NEEDED TOOL IN TODAY'S SOCIETY.

THIS IS NOT THE FIRST PHONE. THE VERY FIRST, SO-CALLED "MODERN" PHONE WAS A WALL PHONE THAT YOU HAD TO CRANK TO GET THE OPERATOR TO GET YOU A NUMBER.

A PINK PHONE FOR THE LADIES? NO. IT'S A PINK PHONE THAT ANYONE CAN USE.

THIS IS NOT THE "BAT PHONE," IS COMMISSIONER GORDON'S OFFICE, BUT A RED PHONE THAT MANY PEOPLE USED AS OPPOSED TO THE CONVENTIONAL BLACK PHONE.

COLORFUL WALL PHONES. IF YOU HAD ONE OF THESE BABIES, YOU WERE CERTAINLY "UPTOWN."

THIS BUSY SECRETARY WISHES NOW THAT PHONES HAD NOT BEEN INVENTED.

WHAT FOND MEMORIES I HAVE OF PHONES LIKE THIS. SOLID. BUILT TOUGH. RELIABLE.

"SURE I WILL GO WITH YOU TO THE ROLLING STONES CONCERT, BOBBY. MICK IS A FRIEND OF MINE."

"HEY, MARGE! LET'S MEET LATER FOR COFFEE. I KNOW THIS NEAT PLACE IN THE VILLAGE WHERE WE CAN SIT AND TALK FOR HOURS."

"Hello. (says artwork to the right, at top). Do you remember me? I was the brain child of Alexander Graham Bell, a famous inventor, who had the idea that you, your family and neighbors could talk to each other across the street. Across town. And even across the country. Now like at 'me,' I'm everywhere. Homes. Cars. Businesses. Phone booths. Department stores. Yes, I've answered the 'call' that was on my life many years ago. And I hope that I, and my numerous friends, have helped to make your life easier. Oh, do not blame me for your high phone bills. Mr. Bell did not have anything to do with that part of the phone business."

Mr. Alexander Graham Bell. What an intelligent man. He worked tirelessly, like most great inventors, to create a simple device that to him, would just 'help' a few families by making their lives easier. Smoother. Uncomplicated. And he did just that. Bell invented the telephone. And what a grand day that was. Now I wasn't there, but history says that the telephone was ushered into our lives without that much fanfare. But now look. You cannot look anywhere. In any direction. Unless you see people on their cell phones. In public phone booths. In their laptops, yes, their laptop computers. Talking to their wives, husbands, girl or boy friends and classmates. I could say without being corrected, that the telephone really took flight in 'monsterous' proportions.

Remember early telephones

and I mean the wall phone with a wooden cabinet. Those early phones, that were in their day, "the thing," to have in the household, but you had to crank and crank a level on the side of the phone to get an operator to get you the party you were seeking. And most early wall phone conversations went like this: "Hello, operator. Can you give me Maple Wood 576?" And then she would do that. Get you Maple Wood 576. Ahhh, the simple ways of simple America. Wall phones with three digit numbers. And this particular model of wall phone has been seen in many television shows and movies. On CBS' hit comedy, Petticoat Junction, Sam Drucker, the owner of Drucker's General Store, was seen using his wall phone numerous times to take his customers' grocery orders. No, we didn't realize it at the time. But the telephone was growing like a runaway ***kudzu patch. The more people were getting better jobs, the more they wanted a telephone. The telephone, in that time, was more of a mixture of status and necessity than just being a status symbol.

And there were those of higher incomes in bigger cities who insisted on the finest designs of telephones simply to impress their equally-wealthy socialite friends. Remember those gold (colored) phones with the long receivers that we viewed in many of Audrey Hepburn movies? Those phones. They actually helped tell the story of the script in many of the scenes of the fashionable movies of that era.

Then, one day

the telephone grew restless. Weary. Tired of being just another useful piece of machinery in the home. And these symptoms were normal for the phone. It wasn't the phone's fault for human beings having the tendency to love something when it is new, but when the novelty is over, humans begin to take that new product for granted. This is a true sociological fact. But the ever-enduring, persistent telephone engineers of the early telephone companies, AT&T, Pacific Phone, Ma Bell, and other noted telephone companies, came to the rescue. "How about giving the American consumer a ROTARY PHONE?" an up and coming junior design engineer might have spewed at a high-level meeting of some phone company. Eyes in the room grew wide. Some dropped their Briar pipes from their mouths, that were also wide open with sudden surprise. A few throats were cleared and then the CEO, without knowing or grasping the gravity of what was about to come off his lips, said, "A rotary phone?!! Hmmmm. Son, that is a novel idea! Get to work on it immediately--we got to beat the boys down the street at "ACME Phone, Inc. I hear they are coming out next year with a phone that has wheels." So the junior design engineer sped back to his drawing board. And with weeks of labored over-time, sweat, and a few threats of divorce from his new wife, he finally hit on the idea. A rotary phone. With the little wheel with a hole over each number. And it was fun for the customer to sit down and dial up their friends while listening to that familiar whirring sound of the rotary go round and round. By the way, that junior design engineer was promoted to another development project called the public rest room automatic hand dryer. Yeah, like that would ever see daylight.

With customers now loving the rotary telephone

the company who invented the rotary to begin with. Even owned the patent for it. Had trouble afoot. Trouble of which cannot be described by moral writers. A trouble that would bring many of this rotary telephone company's executives to the brink of nervous breakdowns. Excessive hair loss. Shot nerves. Heavy drinking. And even worse, a cut in pay. And for what? Remember the "ACME Phone, Inc.,"? Well seems that their up and coming team of (under-paid. Under-appreciated) junior designers hit it out of the park with their own counter offensive: THE PUSH-BUTTON PHONE. a push-button phone? "Who would buy gizmo like that?" growled the CEO of the telephone company to his executives and employees who helped to design the rotary phone--along with the up and coming junior design engineer who was now about to announce that he had hit some friction with the automatic hands dryer for public restrooms.

America was having an electronic love affair

with the push-button phone. What ease. What fun. What a time-saving idea, the push-button phone. Simply pick up the receiver, push the number of your party and then you are talking to beat the band thanks to the "ACME Phone, Inc." who now was raking in cash like picking red apples in Washington State. It was that lucrative.

Not to be outdone

the rotary telephone company hired an outside design specialist to come up with a super-idea that would make "ACME Phone, Inc." look small and insignificant. So after a month or two, the design specialist, to the utter amazement of the rotary telephone company CEO and executives, announced, "our phones will not only have an easier-to-push series of buttons that are better than 'ACME's,' but our new phones, now sit down gentlemen, will BE IN VARIOUS COLORS!"

"Are you insane, man?" The rotary telephone CEO barked at the sleek-dressed gentleman from St. Paul, Minnesota, who had been holding his new push-button phone, in color green, behind his back. "We aren't running a carnival, but a big rotary phone utility. What do you gentlemen of the board think?" he added drumming his nervous fingers on the mahogany table.

The board members looked at each other knowing that whatever they said would either make them or break them. After a few feet scuffed the marble floor and a few ties were adjusted, the highest-ranking board member said in a voice so gentle-yet-firm, "We like it, sir!" The CEO's mouth flew open dropping his Tampa Nugget cigar onto the floor.

A vote was taken and the production was begun on the rotary phone company's NEW PUSH-BUTTON phone with colors of green, red, pink, orange. It was like the stock market was being invaded the next morning by herds of bulls investing heavily into this new thing on the market: a PUSH-BUTTON phone with colors of green, red, pink, orange. Stampedes were reported on the floor of Dow Jones and Wall Street investment firms. The rotary telephone company had hit pay dirt. They had climbed to the apex of the telephone design. You could almost hear the millions of dollars being ticked into their banking accounts. Easy street. The rotary telephone company and it's board of directors were so confident that this trend would last, that they gave all of their general laborers a huge raise, along with themselves, and took a week's vacation, the CEO and board of directors, not the regular workers, to Hawaii to celebrate their newest invention: PUSH-BUTTON phone with colors of green, red, pink, orange.

Years of prosperity rolled by, money and power

were now the properties of the rotary telephone company. They even opened up offices all across the United States in order to keep up with the orders from customers who clamored for their PUSH-BUTTON phone with colors of green, red, pink, orange. It was like Christmas everyday of the week for this company's stockholders, CEO and board of directors.

At a yearly rotary telephone Employee Appreciation Dinner held in the posh area of Fifth Avenue, New York City, the happy and now very-wealthy CEO stood up to make a toast. He loved making toasts to big crowds. It was like his calling in life. As his small tea spoon clanged against his pure crystal goblet filled with water, he was given instant attention by the packed banquet room of board of director members, heads of every department in the company, but not any regular workers. That would have looked, to the higher-up's of the rotary telephone company who now had the monopoly on the PUSH-BUTTON phone with colors of green, red, pink, orange, as too common. Giving their plush dinner an air of garden variety people. This banquet was for the elite. The powerful. The top crust of the rotary phone company.

The CEO looked serious. Bowed his head in an humble posture. Wiped a tear from his eye, looked at the distinguished people of his company at his table (with pure silk table cloth) and in the huge banquet hall, and said in a voice so clear, "Distinguished guests. Senator Johnson, Congressman Willouby, Mayor York, board of directors, stock holders, ladies and gentlemen. I have but one comment to make: We made it! We are it! We are now the most-powerful, wealthiest, controlling telephone company in the country!" (CROWD GIVES HIM A LOUD STANDING OVATION) And, well, I don't know how to announce this, but here I go . . .THERE ISN'T ANYONE AT ANY TELEPHONE COMPANY GOING TO BEAT US. ANYTIME. ANYWHERE. WE HAVE FOUGHT THE PHONE BATTLES. AND WON. WE JUST CANNOT BE BEAT. ENJOY YOURSELF!"

The applause. Whistling. Yelling went on for almost an hour. By the clock. Dancing broke up withe the fancy ladies in expensive evening gowns 'cutting a drunken rug' from bottles of expensive champagne. Men in top coats, spats, top hats, went wild--jumping on the tables. Breaking glasses. Dishes. Laughing. Drinking. Well into the night. There is not a writer anywhere. Not even the literary genius of, Ernest Hemingway, John Steinbeck, Tennessee Williams, William Faulkner, or J.D. Salinger, could put into words just how rich and warm that feeling of success must have felt to these of wealth, power, and privilege.

But somewhere, back in the rotary telephone's

Special Project Design Dept.

the midnight oil has all but burned up. A man of short stature and big heart has put the finishing touches on his newest invention. A true breakthrough. A device that will make 'him' THE wealthiest, most-powerful, influential young engineer to enter a research laboratory.

Remember the first up and coming junior design engineer who invented the ROTARY TELEPHONE? Let's listen to what he is about to say.

"Eureka! A portable phone that runs on small batteries for long period of time. A portable phone that will totally-revolutionize the telephone industry. I think I will dedicate my new invention to my late uncle, J.W., who died in prison, yes. I will call my newest invention . . .THE 'CELL PHONE!" "And then I will market my other invention: The Hot Air Hands Dryer for Public Restrooms." "But I think, since I wasn't invited to the Employee Appreciation Banquet, I will resign tomorrow, and market these two inventions for myself."

The moral of this story should be: "it always pays to invite EVERYONE who works for you to your company parties. No matter how insignificant you think that they are."

** Kudzu--a green vine-like plant that grows wild in the southern United States. Once it gets a hold of an area, tree or building, it is almost impossible to kill.﻿

Comments

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AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

LOL, DEAREST Sueswan..thanks for the loving reminder of Olivah, says, Lisa, and his telephone pole phone. LOL. That was a riot. And the cell phone, well, who really knows, but I took a shot. Thanks, DEAR Sueswan for the lovely comment and votes. Sincerely, KENNETH and YOU hae a GREAT Tuesday!

Sueswan

6 years ago

Dearest Kenneth,

You are one talented writer my friend!

I thought of Green Acres when I was reading this. Remember when Oliver Wendell Douglas(Eddie Albert) had to climb up the pole to answer the phone?

I had no idea how the cell phone got it's name . Thanks to you, know I do. ROFL

Voted up up and away!

Take care and have a good evening. :-)

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 13, 2011/9:36 p.m.

thelyricwriter . . ."THANK YOU so VERY MUCH for all of your kind words. I just do what my heart tells me...I had this idea about a phone being under-appreciated so I thought I would honor this valued necessity with a pat on the receiver. And I appreciate YOU for taking time to talk to me. And for the votes too..THANKS! Write me anytime...I will be around. KENNETH

Richard Ricky Hale

6 years agofrom West Virginia

Kenneth, what an informed hub you have here. I can appreciate the hard work put in my friend. Voted up, awesome, useful, and interesting:) I love this look into history that you have provided us Kenneth, a lot of useful information. Just thinking on how someone could come up with the idea itself is beyond me. He was a very smart man. Plus, look how far they have come in the past few decades. It is amazing how much technology has advanced. A well done article Kenneth. I am glad to be a follower. I look forward to more of your work and have a great Sunday. I shall be watching football:) Best wishes.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 10, 2011/9:30 p.m./cst

Hi, ChatKath! Me too. Life might come to a grinding half if we didnt have phones. That would be terrible. Would we learn to survive? What if the internet was gone? Perish that thought NOW! LOL! Thank YOU for your thoughtful remark. I Loved it. KENNETH

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 10, 2011/9:28 p.m./cst

always exploring: THANK YOU so MUCH for your SWEET comments on this hub. I should have written something about, "Reach out and touch someone," but I forgot. Thanks again for ALL of your remarks. They mean so much to me. Sincerely, KENNETH

Kathy

6 years agofrom California

Hard to imagine what life would be like without the phone - also hard to imagine using one of those antique dials again - I wish I still had my princess dialer though! With a Payphone on every corner.

Very entertaining hub Kenneth, Voted up and interesting!

Ruby Jean Richert

6 years agofrom Southern Illinois

This is soo funny, just shows there is always someone around who knows more than we think they do. I can't imagine having to ask an operator to dial a number for you. I loved the old phones in the old movies with the beautiful, sometimes fur-covered handles..Great story...

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Dear Mary . . .Much THANKS for your comments. YOU mean a lot to me. Ive finished my 2nd hub for today and now Im beat. IM soon to be 58...and feel like Im 77! And I will, keep them coming as long as the imagination holds out..LOL. Have a great night, dear friend, MARY. Sincerely, KENNETH

Mary Hyatt

6 years agofrom Florida

You are SO much fun!!! I never know what you'll write about next, but I can't wait to find out. This one was really great. I'm so old (refuse to say exactly how old), but I can remember the wall phone we have that you had to crank. Keep 'em coming... Voted this UP, etc.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

You are MOST WELCOME, meow48, but sincerely, it is "I," the blessed one, in this friendship. You are the one with talent, high IQ and creative spirit. I can learn from you. In all honesty. CBS has announced, and I respect their warm gesture, that they will not, anyway soon, be looking for Andy's replacement, but I am truly humbled and without words, for your comment. And this came from a true source: MY LIFE. I recall just how great it felt to have a telephone. Meow48, MUCH Peace, love, laughter and success to YOU, my New Friend. KENNETH

meow48

6 years agofrom usa

really loved this hub, i hear andy rooney has passed, ever thought of applying for his position?... just a thought, this was way cool... loved the trip down memory lane, i am so old that i remember when our first two positions in my home phone number was U L. Thank you for the follow and thank you for such an entertaining story, i really needed a smile right now... take care.

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Hey, Jean! You are right on that intrusive aspect of the phones. That, I do resent. And the telemarketers who have cleverly-learned how to get around the No Call List. I love the ability to hang up. And Jean, thanks for your comments. Every one youve made. YOU have really helped me to keep at it in this HubDom World...I am honest. Take care and stay in touch. KENNETH

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

picklesandrufus . . .YES, I DO remember the first cell phones...huge with those long, CB Radio aerials. LOL, that made me smile. Even Seinfield uses an old cell phone..in his reruns. Have you noticed that? Listen, I do appreciate YOUR remarks...I am striving to make each hub better than the one before. Sincerely, KENNETH

AUTHOR

Kenneth Avery

6 years agofrom Hamilton, Alabama

Nov. 9

Dear Giselle . . ."Thank YOU very MUCH for your sweet comment. And for noticing the box. I am still learning. I wish Hubs would install software in their programs to let us put photos inside photos and things like that. And you are the second person to ever notice the photo captions. Thank you. You are not only a talented person, but an observant one too. I LOVE THAT. And thanks for everything YOU have taught me. And said to me. KENNETH

Jean Bakula

6 years agofrom New Jersey

Hi Kenneth,

I really enjoyed seeing the phones of my past! I live with cell phones, but don't really like the idea of being able to be reached, anywhere, anytime. People intrude on your vacations. You get homework in a class, then the professor says, "Oh I added more to the assignment online at midnight!" We always have to be "on." My son saw his first rotary phone in an old bldg. I was petitioning to save in my neighborhood. I do have some nice memories of the old pink princess phone in my teenage bedroom though, lol. Thanks for another entertaining and thoughtful hub :)

picklesandrufus

6 years agofrom Virginia Beach, Va

wow, really took me back..remember the rotary and sold cell phones back in the 80's when they were awkward and large, but hot! nice Hub! vote up

Giselle Maine

6 years ago

An interesting and humorous look at the role telephones play in our lives. I remember many years ago now when my parents made the switch from a rotary to a push-button phone. Back then, we would never have dreamed that those tiny cellphones of today would come into existence later! I enjoyed your photo captions by the way. And I'm glad to see your gray info box has made an appearance - well done and nice usage of it to end on a thought-provoking but fun note!

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