I've wanted to give up many times within the past two years. Give up as in drive my car into oncoming traffic and end it all. I'm not ashamed to admit I need a crutch to get by. Life sucks too hard for me to survive because of any intelligence or skills I possess. But I'm starting to see the inexplicable tender mercies in my life. And countless times I've felt guilt and shame melt away independent of myself, when no matter how hard I tried to make it go away I couldn't.

I hope you find what you're looking for. I hope you don't mind we'll include you in our prayers. Because they do reach farther than the ceiling.

JGB - I swung by after being away for months and saw your farewell. I was fairly active on this forum for a while and felt a kinship with you and your situation. You've been a good voice of reason 'around these parts.

I'm spending more time on DeadBedrooms on Reddit (https://www.reddit.com/r/DeadBedrooms/). You might look around there for a lot of thoughtful discussion that could embolden you to make changes in favor of your happiness, even if you need to put those plans off for a while. It's okay to be profoundly unhappy over your sex life, to value your happiness and to make changes accordingly.

As far as leaving the church, I'm not exactly for that but you've already heard everything I could say. The fact that you're focusing on helping others is awesome. It's clear to me that that's the most important aspect of leading a Christ-like life, and I know it brings happiness. You'll have plenty of spiritual experiences engaging in that work and the opportunities to lift others are endless. That's quite a respectable path to walk, good sir. Just remember that it's good to take care of yourself, too.

I've written two posts in this thread and for some reason I can't send them before losing connection.

Sorry to you leave, JGB, and the gist of my messages have been.. well, basically. Your resignation from this forum is not accepted. Take a break but continue to post and bless us with your insights when you are able. I've enjoyed your posts and you've contributed much. I'll miss you here.

Regarding disaffection.. well I better post this much and discuss that other stuff later

Sorry that you're dealing with marriage issues and church issues at the same time. Either one of those is hard enough on their own.

FWIW, I don't believe much of the Mormon story either and haven't for 7 years. You're not alone. There are Mormons all along the spectrum of belief. Good for you for not being bitter! It's not worth it...