Parents of Murdered Children

And Other Survivors of Homicide Victims

MISSION STATEMENT

Parents of Murdered Children makes the difference through on-going emotional support, education, prevention, advocacy and awareness.

VISION STATEMENT

To provide support and assistance to all survivors of homicide victims while working to create a world free of murder.

Parents of Murdered Children and Other
Survivors of Homicide Victims (POMC) is
the only national self-help organization
designed solely to offer emotional support
and information about surviving the loss of
a loved one to murder. Members help one
another by sharing experiences, feelings
and insights and by allowing others to do
the same.

ORIGIN AND GROWTH

Parents of Murdered Children was founded
by Charlotte and Bob Hullinger in
Cincinnati, Ohio in 1978, three months
after their daughter, Lisa, died from injuries
inflicted by her former boyfriend. Father
Ken Czillinger, a Roman Catholic priest
active in leading support groups for the
bereaved, directed the Hullingers to others
whose children had been murdered.

In their mutual grieving, the parents discovered that by listening to each other,
by crying together and by understanding
how each felt, their grief was lessened.
Parents of Murdered Children has
expanded to include family members and
friends who are survivors and now has
chapters and contact people throughout
the United States and abroad.

WHEN A LOVED ONE IS MURDERED

Facing the death of a loved one is never easy.
When murder occurs, the anger, pain and
grief are compounded by the crushing
realization that another person intentionally
took the life of someone precious.

Adding to the family's trauma are intrusions
into their grief. Police, lawyers and other
members of the criminal justice system need
information, evidence and testimony.
Television and newspapers reporters often
focus upon the victim without consulting
the family. When a suspect is apprehended,
preliminary hearings, postponements, trials
and sentencing all force grieving families to
face what may seem to be a lack of justice.
In situations where the murder is unsolved or
justice is otherwise compromised, there is
even greater pain and confusion.

WHY WE ARE HERE

To provide ongoing emotional support
needed to help parents and other survivors
deal with the pain of their loss and facilitate
the reconstruction of their lives.

To provide information about the grief
process and the criminal justice system as
they pertain to survivors of a homicide
victim.

To communicate with professionals about
the problems faced by those surviving
a homicide victim.

To increase society's awareness of the
problems faced by survivors.

Membership is open to those who have
been cruelly bereaved by the murder of
their child, family member or other loved
one. The group is sustained by members
who have made progress in their recovery
but stay with the group to support newly
bereaved survivors. POMC has no
religious creed or affiliation.

WHAT HAPPENS AT THE MEETINGS?

Most meetings begin with introductions
and each survivor telling of their loss.
Often there is a topic to guide discussions,
such as the grief process, the criminal
justice system or favorite memories.
Usually meetings revolve around group
members' own knowledge and
experiences. Occasionally, outside
speakers are invited to present
information and to learn from survivors.

One member said: "In the meetings,
people are so supportive, you don't have
to be afraid to say what you feel. No one
is there to judge your feelings or to
persuade you to think differently."

A reporter described a meeting in
Wisconsin: "These mothers and fathers
talked about their feelings of anger,
hopelessness, bitterness and their
seemingly endless grief. No one told
them 'Forget about it' or 'You should be
over that by now."

As members help one another by sharing
experiences, feelings and insights and by
allowing others to do the same, their
grief is somehow lessened.

POMC provides the ongoing emotional
support needed to help parents and other
survivors facilitate the reconstruction of
a "new life."

TAX-EXEMPT ORGANIZATION

Since POMC is a volunteer organization,
the chapters seek to keep expenses minimal.
Parents of Murdered Children is a taxexempt
organization under Section
501 (c) (3) of the Internal Revenue
Code. It depends largely upon private
donations to cover operational
expenses, but also seeks some funding
help.

THOUGHTS ON COPING

As parents and other family members
who have survived the violent death
of a son, daughter or other loved one,
we wish to share thoughts on coping
and to offer additional materials you
may find helpful.

First, don't be surprised at the strong
emotions that come: shock, disbelief,
anger toward the murderer,
frustration with justice delayed or
denied, seeming loss of faith in God
and people.

Second, expect to be numb, confused,
depressed or unable to stop crying.
You may feel as if you're going
through a nervous breakdown, but
you're probably not. These are
normal reactions.

Third, it is natural to experience a
primal kind of fear. Childhood fears
of the "bogey-man" coming in the
middle of the night and murdering
you become real.

Fourth, be gentle with yourself and
others. Grief takes much longer to
resolve than most people realize. It
affects the body as well as the
emotions.

Fifth, as much as you may want to do
it, don't build a wall around yourself.
You are not alone and being involved
with others will help your recovery,
especially if you can channel your
strong emotions into constructive
action.

HOW MAY WE HELP?

Every survivor has days that are
more difficult than others. If you
need to talk to someone, please
call.