Peter Cetera still owes fans and music lovers an apology for this cavity-inducing Top 40 hit.

Whitesnake: 'Is This Love'

If you have to question it, then it's probably not love. It could be lust, heartburn or even a heart attack. Either way, it's not something your sweetie thinks you should be pondering on a lovers' holiday.

Bonus Tracks

Dan Hill: 'Sometimes When We Touch'

If the full beard and mustache don't give it away, then you're already in trouble. This commitment-phobe wants to love you and does, but it's just too much. There's too much love. I'm drowning. Translation: He or she is just not that into you.

Hill, who wrote the song, may be in need of a serious therapist and has booked you for the job. Whose idea of a romantic date is sitting around talking about how they should, but can't be a couple while crying? Answer: the lonely person without a date on Valentine's.

Pity party table for one, please.

Billy Ocean: 'Get Outta of My Dreams, Get Into My Car'

This list already has demonstrated why vehicular and feminine comparisons are so bad. But long before R. Kelly could rev his engine, singer Billy Ocean was burning rubber up the charts with his hit song, "Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car."

Besides comparing you to an inanimate object that gets replaced — excuse me — upgraded every five to 10 years, songwriters Ocean and Mutt Lange found it imperative to imply all the dirty things they want to do with you in a car.

Nothing says, "Be mine," quite like making out in the back seat of a Camino. Nice. Once you add his obsessive nature — he's dreaming about you all the time — to the song's bubble-gum like pop beat, the combination is too much for any love bird. The fowl just may drown in the ocean.