Spammers Greatest Hits: The Third

I know you’ve been waiting—oh so patiently waiting for this moment. And since I couldn’t find a movie to review that moved me, I instead headed straight into the spam box to see what new tricks I could pull out. Was I disappointed? Certainly not. For those of you new-ish to the blog, feel free to check out Spammer posts 1 & 2 for further laughs—or just for re-run sakes. And away we gooooooooooo!

SPAMMER ONE

Up first we have the illustrious Beep.iamempowered.com who definitely has some strong opinions on considered worries and side-effects.

Thanks for dropping by Beep, but I definitely don’t believe you read any part of my blog. Your favorite spam appeared to be on my blog: the easiest thing to be aware of (somehow I hope that last part is true). But thanks for reminding me about starting up my campaign to get giraffes pajamas. What do you say, my hearties? Pajamas for giraffes now? We need a catchy phrase to chant though: Hey, hey, what do you say! How ’bout some jammies for giraffes today?

I’ll keep working on it.

SPAMMER TWO

Next, let me introduce you to Istanbul Temizlik Sirketi. He’s like Turkey’s equivalent of Indiana Jones. In fact, you may have seen him in such movies as Istanbul Temizlik Sirketi and the Last Turkish Delight. It didn’t get as much play in America due to poor marketing and Paramount is still suing Turkey for infringement rights.

But let’s see what Istanny (his nick, like Indy) has to say.

Well Istanny, it’s probably best you stick to the Turkish cinema. You might avoid more textual harassment cases that way.

SPAMMER THREE

Coming to us live from the UK it’s Cocktail Dress in UK. (Wait, Alex, this isn’t you drunk-commenting at some Uni party is it?) Cocktail has magic powers. Don’t believe me? She can find out things before you do.

Unless I’m wrong. Do some of you really need touch-tone capability here?

SPAMMER FOUR

Speaking of sharks and whales, next up with have Surfing. No, not the sport. That’s his name, yo. Surfing alluded to a problem I was unaware of.

How can you be back continuously? Is that like the babies who hug you and then have to pull their heads back to make sure it’s still you while they keep hugging you?

And what if we did suggest our comments literally. Dear Kate, I suggest that I extremely loved the Engrish posts a person supplied on your blog. Is going to be back continuously in order to check up on new Engrish.

SPAMMER FIVE

Next up we have a spammer who, quite frankly, I’m surprised WordPress tagged as a spammer at all. I mean with a name like Twitter Followers Data certainly that comment is legit. It reminds me of this picture I saw on Facebook the other today. Totes legit!

Anyway, poor Twitter (the spammer, not the site) ended up in the spam box. Here’s what he had to say.

Sometimes I really struggle with comprehending the original intent of Engrish sentences, and this one really made my head hurt. But let’s give it a go, shall we? Maybe if I add some words in. We will be absolutelycertain to save the item of discussion, plus we will get back to understandingthe additional context of your handy details.

Boom! 10 points added to copy editing skills. Level up!

SPAMMER SIX

Another poor victim of the mean ol’ nasty WordPress spam stopper, we have with us today Buy Pinterest Followers. All Buy wanted to do was leave me a little compliment. And I do mean little.

Thanks Buy. I guess. Sort of. Whatever.

SPAMMER SEVEN

For our last guest of the posting day we have Swiss Replica Watches UK. Swiss is an old buddy of mine that can hook you up with a Burmese Yacht for a sweet, sweet price. I know what you’re thinking. His name. Well, his parents wanted him to sell pajamas for giraffes, so using a little reverse psychology they named him Swiss Replica Watches UK, but as it turns out, the plan backfired and not only does he not sell PJs for the poor giraffes, he doesn’t even sell Swiss replica watches.

Hey, you’ve got to be free to make your own way in life, you know. Anyway, here’s what Swiss had to say.

BWAMP! BWAMP! BWAMP! They even paid me per bwamp. I got a penny every time someone watched the trailer, which you’d think would have made me rich, but I was living in France at the time and they took 75% and then because I’m an American citizen, Uncle Sam wanted his portion, too. Anyways, it all worked out to be about $13, so I went to Chick-Fil-A with a friend and had a lovely dinner. Can you say chocolate-peppermint milkshake? Mmm, I thought so.

I’m still trying to figure out vivid transparent. Is that like being able to see through a rainbow AND paint with all the colors of the wind? Be sure to leave a comment on what you think vivid transparency would be.

CONCLUSION

Well, I think we’ve all learned a very important lesson here today. And that is that giraffes need pajamas. Don’t be heartless! Giraffes are counting on you for a good night’s rest!

Have you strongly considered worrying about giraffes and pajamas? Do you paint with all the colors of the wind? Have any great spammer comments you’d like to share? Figured out vivid transparency yet?

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26 thoughts on “Spammers Greatest Hits: The Third”

Dear blogger I am satisfied regarding to state of giraffe. This paragraph most amusing but please consider usage of vivid transparent touch tone. Press 1 for Engrish and various for others topic. Sincerely, CHE@Pvi@graNLiNe

You’re welcome. Yeah, occasionally they do. I guess it’s good I sometimes check to approve the mistakes. That’s odd, for me I never used to get spammy comments anywhere but spam, but lately WP has been uncertain about several I’ve had to mark as spam. I’m sure the filter is uber complex and I’m glad I don’t have to design/maintain it. *shudders at the thought*

Actually, that’s true for me too. There have been a handful of spammy comments that get by WP’s defenses. It isn’t that many, though. The legitimate comments that WP tends to mark as spam are usually the ones that are bit on the angry/sarcastic side. Those people probably think I’m just not approving their comments (by the time I check the spam filter, a few days have passed and the conversation has moved on).

I’m so glad this has been addressed. I’ve been looking into starting a Pajamas For Giraffes movement for years. It’s very hard to find pajamas when you’re a tall, lean 4-legged mammal. Most people prefer making pajamas for dogs.
One step closer to clothing the entire animal kingdom – (the animal kingdom must be nearly bankrupt, if they can’t afford any clothes…)

I know, it’s about time isn’t it? It’s like nobody cares about the giraffes. Sure, there’s a million kitty and puppy salons and all kinds of clothes for them. But the giraffes? Ha! They’re lucky if they get blanket, let alone pajamas.

Ha! They hit you too, huh? Just last week I’d emptied my spam folder (I didn’t clear it for a couple of weeks), I couldn’t believe I had 150+ spams. Much of them ads for shoes and telling me how great of a website I have. They “navigate good very much” (oh, yeah, I get them too that way. You can tell these are fully automated in hopes the spam filters won’t catch them. At least they could program proper grammar in their software tools. But I hope they keep things the way they are cuz I love how they make me laugh!

I know, if you ever feel down about your blog, read the spam and listen to them tell you how wonderful and insightful your content is, right? I too hope their grammar skills never really improve. It’s far too entertaining.

Hehe, woop, spammers! And dat’s a lot of spammers you’s got. My filter hasn’t ben working very efficiently lately: four waiting comments and three are spams.
Haha, nope I’m not at uni yet, though I will admit that sounds like a fun idea. Cocktail dresses UK, hmm…? xD