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I am living with a stranger. We lost those regular, simple, good things in our relationship. We kept on recycling all the old issues to the point of indifference. We stopped paying attention to each other. We often refuse to be influenced by the other. […]

This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 4. Think of problems as bad solutions. Whatever you see as a problem or an issue – the socks on the floor, the lack of sex, your partner’s anger or withdrawal […]

No matter how you explain it, many children experience you separating from your partner as personal to them – as you leaving them. You can give them a story for their brain to remember, hope they hold on to it for example, that you will […]

3. As couple therapists we invite the adults in the room to bring with them the child states that reside in their body and mind. These are always present in any deep emotional attachment. Below is another way of thinking about the second post in […]

It’s not your job to understand me – it’s mine. Byron Katie If you want to feel sad, believe your thoughts. Intimacy is the mind understanding itself. Practice that thought with the help of these three video sessions by Byron Katie. Here’s the first video […]

This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here 2. Communication is in 2 parts: Content – the what – and process – the how. In an argument about whether to go to Brunswick Heads pub on Sunday or Byron […]

In my fifty years experience in couple and family therapy I have come to five absolute certainties – one per decade: 1. if you are in a relationship of 9 years duration you are two years overdue for a blind spot/left field check-up. 2. It’s […]

This is an edited extract of a longer article, which can be found here . 1. Patterns are more powerful than people. Situations have a power of their own. Context is everything in the meaning we make of events. Thinking in terms of people, of […]

Couple therapy gets a bad rap from customers who break up after going to counselling. So much so that if one partner were to ask to go to couple therapy, the other may believe this is an indication of an unspoken but impending break up. […]

A provocative statement to raise your awareness and bring some humility into your love life. To soften the edges of certainty about a new relationship or about your long term committed relationship. Here’s the Anthony de Botton video about this.

The book that best represents emotion focussed couple therapy is “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson and the workbook to go with that is “An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us” by Veronica Kallos-Lilly and Jennifer Fitzgerald. I reckon these two books […]

Comments

I got more from six hours couple therapy with you than eighteen months one-on-one with my clinical psychologist.

Matthew

I found your site that day... And your site is the most wonderful, compassionate, complete, real and realistic, hopeful, honest, blunt, detailed website I have ever found!

Marian

Your site is a site full of treasures for people like me. The ones that DO want health but just can't reach it! I have read so many of the pages. I will read them all. I do not know what made you decide to create this haven. I cannot imagine the hours, months, years you put into it. But I want you to know that your words, explanations have become road maps to me. They are the tie for the loose ends. I will forever be in your debt and thankful! I think I will make it now and be able to leave and change my life. Take in a sunset or two. I do."

Deidra G. Alabama USA

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The material provided here is for educational purposes only. No therapeutic relationship is established by the use of the website coupletherapyaustralia.com. Consult a qualified health care professional in your local area.