Four Questions That Can Help You Talk to Students About Pop Culture

by Tim Elmore

Today, we hear from Andrew McPeak. Andrew is a next gen researcher, speaker, and author for Growing Leaders.

Every year, thousands of songs are released which create a great opportunity to “take the temperature” of our culture. Popular songs are a particularly interesting medium for cultural analysis because they are the best representation of where we are in our current culture. Whereas most other artistic mediums are “regressive,” (meaning they are primarily focused on the past), or “progressive,” (meaning they are primarily focused on the future), popular music is almost always current in its focus. It’s always revealing what life is like right now.

By listening to some current songs, there are a lot of things that we can learn about our present-day youth culture. Here are some guidelines to follow:

Popular songs use intentional language to define common experiences of today’s youth.

The best analysis of popular songs comes when you research the artist and attempt to understand their intent in writing the song.

Popular songs are the sum of two equal parts: medium and message. By this I mean that the music is as important as the lyrics in trying to understand the intent of the artist.

The majority of popular songs are specifically focused on the experience of youth between the ages of 16 and 25, even if the artist is outside of this age range.

Popular songs cannot tell us exactly what youth today are thinking, but they can reveal common norms and assumptions of today’s youth.

Popular songs are most beneficial when they help us ask the right questions of today’s youth.

It’s important to note that not every Miley Cyrus song can tell you what your daughter is thinking right now—that’s not how it works. What it can do is reveal for you the temperature of the popular culture in which your daughter is immersed every day. My hope is that you can use what you learn to engage in conversation with the students you lead. Listen to a song, or watch a music video together. Then ask these four questions to guide your conversation.

Four Questions to Spark Conversation

1. How would you describe the music? What are some of the artists’ influences?

2. What was the artist saying? What was their purpose in writing the song?

3. What can we learn about the language and norms of today’s culture from this song?

4. How should this song inform the way we interact with other people? How can we better empathize with them?

If you aren’t sure where to start, here are three songs from 2017 that reveal a lot about our culture. I hope they spark great conversations between you and the students you lead.

“Young, Dumb, and Broke” by Khalidhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IPfJnp1guPc*Warning: Language at the very end of the video. Consider stopping the video at the end of the song before the final skit. Khalid writes a song about the high school experience that he had in America.

“Creature Comforts” by Arcade Firehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzwicesJQ7EArcade Fire is trying to address the problem of our cultural obsession with fame, and the growing issue of depression, anxiety, and suicide in our world.

]]>One Act That Improves Kids’ Emotional Healthhttp://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/one-act-that-improves-kids-emotional-health/
http://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/one-act-that-improves-kids-emotional-health/Fri, 04 Aug 2017 16:55:46 +0000One Act That Improves Kids’ Emotional Health by Tim Elmore
This year, both parents and educators can do something about their students’ wellbeing and future success. The suggestion may sound so simple, we can miss it. After surveys in a variety of...Tim ElmoreOne Act That Improves Kids’ Emotional Health by Tim Elmore

This year, both parents and educators can do something about their students’ wellbeing and future success. The suggestion may sound so simple, we can miss it. After surveys in a variety of countries, however, one act (on the part of an adult) can move the needle for our kids’ emotional health. Are you ready for this?

“Spending time just talking,” the students said.

Hold on. Are you serious?

Yes, I am. A substantial amount of young people in industrialized nations around the world, report that they feel “alone” as they face the pressure of exams, relational conflicts, bullying and other sources of angst. But ARE they alone? Most of us would swear they’re not alone, as we watch them spend the same number of hours on-line with peers as a full-time job would require. Yet—perception is reality.

Screens do not accomplish the same goals as face-to-face conversations.

According to a report from the BBC on Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) countries, “about 11% of teenagers reported they were frequently mocked, 7% were ‘left out of things’, 8% were the subject of hurtful rumors and about 4 %—that is still roughly one per class—were being hit or pushed around.” In summary the OECD report said, “A substantial number of young people feel isolated, humiliated, feel like an outsider at school or are physically assaulted.”

What Are They Worried About?

In fact, when we asked teens in our 2016 focus groups, the biggest sources of stress for students are likely predictable, but worthy of our notice:

Academic pressure (make the grades so I’ll be accepted at the right college)

Lost opportunities (FOLO – Fear of Living Offline; missed information)

Family problems (Conflict with parents or siblings)

What the BBC report suggests (and what our data confirms) is that students actually do want to talk about these sources of anxiety, but don’t know how. Adults often make things “cheesy” or “corny” or they begin “lecturing me on what to do.” In short, the dialogue turns into a monologue. The adult becomes “prescriptive” with their words, rather than sharing ownership of the topic with their student.

For educators: “On average across countries, students who reported that their teacher is willing to provide help and is interested in their learning are also about 1.3 times more likely to feel that they belong at school.”

For parents: “Spending time just talking” is the parental activity most frequently and most strongly associated with students’ life satisfaction. For instance, “girls whose parents encouraged them to be confident in their abilities were 21% less likely to report feeling tense about schoolwork.”

Some Simple Steps We Can Take

Make sure you eat together regularly.

While this is fast becoming obsolete in our hectic world, meals together spark not only trust, but satisfaction. I recall reading about a non-profit organization created to help families do meal conversations. Food somehow brings people together. While occupied with eating something, we feel safer and tend to open up and become more transparent. Meals together set you up to go deeper later.

Ask questions on meaningful topics they’re interested in.

When my kids were younger, I would choose a Habitude® once a week, and make it our guide to intriguing conversation. We’d choose an image (at times together) and found the “picture was worth a thousand words.” We discussed what movies they’d seen where the principle was practiced or violated. We discussed people they knew who embodied the principle. With little effort, these talks led to great outcomes.

Plan experiences that will spark dialogue.

We all know that trips, events, encounters and experiences lead to natural conversation. We like to talk about interesting things that happen to us. So why not create some? Plan experiences that are engaging and will lead to discussions. As my kids grew up we took overseas trips, we fed homeless people downtown, we sponsored several children from various African nations, we visited great companies and interviewed interesting leaders; you name it. We grew from it all.

Tell them what you see.

At the right time and in a safe place, communicate the potential you see in them, not just the reality they see in themselves today. Cast vision for the strengths you find evident and be specific in your description. Don’t tell them what they should do with it, but let them know they’re capable of more than they may currently imagine.

I will never forget my son’s facial expression, when at age 12, I first told him in a serious tone, “Jonathan—you have what it takes to be a man.” He stared at me for a moment with big eyes, pondering what I’d said. Then, he smiled. My words weren’t magic, but I felt they were necessary as I watched him second-guessing his choices. We all need someone we respect to relay words of empathy and direction.

The good news is, according to the BBC report, “Students with high levels of life satisfaction were significantly more likely to have parents who regularly spent time talking to them. Parents who sat around the table to eat their main meal with their children and talked about how they were doing at school also made a difference.”

These highly satisfied students also “tend to have greater resilience and are more tenacious in the face of academic challenges.”

]]>The Latest Research on Helping Students to Fail Forwardhttp://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/the-latest-research-on-helping-students-to-fail-forward/
http://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/the-latest-research-on-helping-students-to-fail-forward/Tue, 18 Jul 2017 17:27:42 +0000The Latest Research on Helping Students to Fail Forward
I recently read the story of one student who was consistently absent from class, who deliberately neglected her assignments and who flunked her final exam—and yet, she still ended up passing the...Tim ElmoreThe Latest Research on Helping Students to Fail Forward

I recently read the story of one student who was consistently absent from class, who deliberately neglected her assignments and who flunked her final exam—and yet, she still ended up passing the course. When her mother inquired as to how this could be, the faculty explained that they felt it would be counter-productive to fail her. Although she didn’t do the assigned work, she understood the subject.

Today—failure is a four-letter word in many schools.

Journalist Jay Matthews explored this issue in the Washington Post and discovered this little story is not an isolated incident. It’s told over and over again across the nation. Recent reports suggest students in New York and Minnesota are also passing courses or graduating, regardless of whether or not they know the subject.

Why Does This Happen So Often Today?

Because I hear of incidents like this every year, I asked myself: why do we do this? What is it today that coerces us to pass kids when they have failed? The six most popular reasons I hear from parents and educators are:

Students claim they understand the course without completing the class.

Students are fragile and may spiral into depression or anxiety if they fail.

Parents believe if they pay taxes or tuition, their student deserves to pass.

Parents convince schools their child’s self-esteem is at stake.

Teachers don’t want to face a combative parent or student if they fail.

Teachers believe it does more harm than good to fail the student.

I would like to focus on this last reason above, as I hear it more and more today. I believe number six is a sinister excuse for taking the easy route.

Does Avoiding Failure Do More Harm Than Good?

While I understand the instructor’s logic to this argument, I respectfully disagree. Here are three fundamental reasons:

Whether or not a student appears to know the material, passing them sends the message they’ve done the work to pass a course. In this case, that’s a lie.

Second, moving them onto the next grade is not even remotely like the real world they’re about to enter as a professional. Work is about production.

And third, we only genuinely learn when we struggle to solve the problem ourselves, not have the solutions given to us. If it’s free, ownership is lost.

According to Matthews, “The student (cited above) was delighted with the results, telling her parents she might hold the world record for getting passing grades despite doing nothing. Her parents want her to grow up. They wonder why the school system won’t help.”

I believe we don’t know how to guide students through failure.

One Researched Based Step We Can Take with Students

Dr. Elena Bodrova is a principal researcher at Mid-continent Research for Education and Learning, and she spoke at our 2013 National Leadership Forum. She and Deborah Leong created “Tools of the Mind,” to equip children to learn and thrive as students. While most of their research is directed at pre-school aged kids, it can be applied to students of any age. I’ve tried to follow her research ever since I met her.

She’s developed a practice that equips students to thrive in failure. Pause and think about young children. Toddlers are the epitome of people who are not afraid to fail. They explore every new reality around them and fail at almost everything they try. They don’t care about what they look like or how others view their mistakes. They are driven by curiosity and discovery.

As kids age, they begin to watch adults react to their failures. They see furrowed brows, frustration, and emotional responses. Their leaders immediately attempt to correct their mistakes. But our emotion-laced reactions produce embarrassment and shame. Kids feel ashamed of their failure. Soon, they begin avoiding it at any cost. Shame never accomplishes healthy growth or results.

Making Emotion-Free Mistakes

Dr. Bodrova now teaches educators (and parents) to model “emotion-free mistake-making” for their students. In their experiments with pre-school academies, they train teachers to purposely make a mistake—in front of their students—and then respond without emotion, but with steady, deliberate follow through. For instance, a teacher might purposefully miscount a set of blocks. They announce, “I’ve got five blocks.” Then, they re-examine the set and say, “Oh, wait a minute. There may be more. One, two, three, four, five…six. Wow, I have six blocks. Great! I just learned that I need to point to each block I count to do it right.”

The process involves a sequence of three steps:

Intentional mistake.

Intentional low-emotion response.

Intentional declaration of what’s learned.

In athletics (and most extra-curricular activities) emotions play a gigantic role. “Emotion-Free Mistakes” could take on a variety of styles. Coaches could review a strike out on a curve ball—with no screaming or yelling—and then walk players through how to hit a curve ball. The only emotion involved should be the positive excitement over what was learned from the failure. In class, it could be re-enacting a mistake you made while in college on a math equation or literary project and then, demonstrating the epiphany you had when you saw how to correct it. What’s important is to reduce the fear of failure by smiling, learning and improving afterward. Steady as she goes.

I love what Winston Churchill once said: “Success consists of going from failure to failure without the loss of enthusiasm.”

]]>Putting Kids In Coffinshttp://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/putting-kids-in-coffins/
http://growingwithgrace.org/school-blogs/putting-kids-in-coffins/Wed, 21 Jun 2017 02:46:53 +0000Irena Sendler was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1910. Her father was a doctor and taught her to always help those in need. Her father died when Irene was only 7-years-old. Like her father, she grew up to enter the medical field and became a nurse. ...Childrens MinistryIrena Sendler was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1910. Her father was a doctor and taught her to always help those in need. Her father died when Irene was only 7-years-old. Like her father, she grew up to enter the medical field and became a nurse. She knew it was one of the best ways she could help people.

During Irena's early adult years, Hitler rose to power and begin capturing, torturing and killing Jewish families. One of the largest concentration camps was right in her hometown of Warsaw with over 400,000 people imprisoned. Irena made the decision to risk her own life to save the Jewish children. She joined an underground resistance organization that worked to rescue persecuted Jews in German-occupied Poland.

As a nurse, Irena would often pretend that children were sick and take them to hospitals outside of the concentration camp. As security tightened, Irena had to try even more daring escape methods. She would hide children in anything she could carry - garage bags, suitcases and even coffins. Coffins that normally carried the dead, now helped save the lives of children. Some of the children were only months old .

Irena saved the lives of thousands of kids and kept a list of those she had saved. She wrote these words in her journal.

“My hatred of the German occupiers was stronger than my fear. In addition, my father had taught me that if you see a man drowning, you must try to save him even if you cannot swim. At that time, it was Poland that was drowning."

But one day Irena was caught. After discovering what she was doing, the Nazis threw her in prison. She was tortured and beaten by the Gestapo, but through it all, Irena refused to tell them any information about the Jewish children or families she’d helped. She was sentenced to death. Thankfully, some of Irena's friends were able to step in and bribe on of the prison guards and help her escape. Irena had to live the rest of her life under a false name and identity.

As I read Irena's story, I was challenged to give my time, energy and commitment to reaching children with the Gospel. The next generation is under attack by a spiritual enemy and God is calling us to share the good news that Jesus can rescue them from the power and consequences of sin. We must be willing to do whatever it takes to rescue them. We must be willing to sacrifice our comfort and resources so they can be saved. If Irena was willing to give her life to rescue children physically, how much more should we be willing to give our lives to rescue children spiritually. There is nothing more important we can do with our lives.

And that's the true story of putting kids in coffins.

Irena Sendler was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1910. Her father was a doctor and taught her to always help those in need. Her father died when Irene was only 7-years-old. Like her father, she grew up to enter the medical field and became a nurse. She knew it was one of the best ways she could help people.

During Irena's early adult years, Hitler rose to power and begin capturing, torturing and killing Jewish families. One of the largest concentration camps was right in her hometown of Warsaw with over 400,000 people imprisoned. Irena made the decision to risk her own life to save the Jewish children. She joined an underground resistance organization that worked to rescue persecuted Jews in German-occupied Poland.

As a nurse, Irena would often pretend that children were sick and take them to hospitals outside of the concentration camp. As security tightened, Irena had to try even more daring escape methods. She would hide children in anything she could carry - garage bags, suitcases and even coffins. Coffins that normally carried the dead, now helped save the lives of children. Some of the children were only months old .

Irena saved the lives of thousands of kids and kept a list of those she had saved. She wrote these words in her journal.

“My hatred of the German occupiers was stronger than my fear. In addition, my father had taught me that if you see a man drowning, you must try to save him even if you cannot swim. At that time, it was Poland that was drowning."

But one day Irena was caught. After discovering what she was doing, the Nazis threw her in prison. She was tortured and beaten by the Gestapo, but through it all, Irena refused to tell them any information about the Jewish children or families she’d helped. She was sentenced to death. Thankfully, some of Irena's friends were able to step in and bribe on of the prison guards and help her escape. Irena had to live the rest of her life under a false name and identity.

As I read Irena's story, I was challenged to give my time, energy and commitment to reaching children with the Gospel. The next generation is under attack by a spiritual enemy and God is calling us to share the good news that Jesus can rescue them from the power and consequences of sin. We must be willing to do whatever it takes to rescue them. We must be willing to sacrifice our comfort and resources so they can be saved. If Irena was willing to give her life to rescue children physically, how much more should we be willing to give our lives to rescue children spiritually. There is nothing more important we can do with our lives.