Posted:10th Oct 2002So here I am depressed writting to all those I love on home of poi asking for advice on life...

I am standing at the edge of a waterfall.Its such a long way down... I am looking down and I am afraid, confused, and disorientated. I know I need to jump. I have to jump or I will loose my spirit. So where do I go, how do I jump?

Ok to make this a bit more understandable...

The jump symbolises me having to move out of my house. I cannot attain my degree now because my parents wont pay unless I live under their terms. To me living under their terms means sacrificing who I am and what I want to do. I feel trapped, imprisoned, and uncomfortable in this house. I CANNOT live under this roof anymore. That descision is made.

But now I have to jump but there are two ways I could jump.

I can move out of my house and go to some place in America (that scares me) where I would have to get a job, appartment, car, etc... All alone! I would go and make money hopefully saving some here and there so that I can do my degree at some stage.

or

I do have the option of getting married to stay in the united kingdom... now before anyone goes nuts about this one... There are reasons. I do trust the person I would be marrying not to take advantage of the situation...

I have weighed out my options and if I am moving out these are the only two things I can do that are readily at my disposal. If I got married I would move to Brighton, get a job, and a small appartment.

Now know that I dont have much money, neither do my parents. I dont know how to drive yet and know fuck all about cars... So going to the states would mean me needing to learn about those things in addition to learning how to live on my own with no family, friends, or even aquaintances around to help me. Living in Brighton would involve me getting married although I would not be living with that person.

I am so scared confused and generally mixed up about my options. I am trying to weigh it out but the scales seem evenly fucked all round...

Posted:15th Oct 2002Drome honey,Sorry I haven't seen this and posted sooner. just wanted to let you know that I've been in similar situations to this and in fact in one right now. I respect and admire you for the courage and initiative you're showing. Its really scaring starting off on your own anywhere. If you ever need to talk, PM me a land line where I can reach you cause I just got a really cheap calling plan for non-mobile international #s and intend to put it to good use. I would love to talk to you anyways.

Also if you decide to go to LA (which I must warn you is the 5th ring of hell), let me know and I'll have my posse look our for you, show you a good time and all that jazz. If you're anywhere on the east coast, be sure that I'll be coming around to vist and hug you lots!

Take good care, sweetie!

Beauty is the conscious sum of all our perversions.-Salvador DaliHope without action is hopeless.

Posted:23rd Oct 2002oops, hehehe far too late for any advicebut that's ok, cuz i think you made the right choice anyway..you will definately learn huge amounts about yourself being on your own, and you will have to push your boundaries and step out of your comfort zone. it's situations like these where you are confronted with endless opportunities to make choices on your own, and you will be so much stronger in the end.

one thing you might want to consider though, before heading to the states, is not your future in the stats, but AMERICA's future. have you been following the news lately? america (and by america i mean the government running it) is beginning to step away from any morals it once held. i'm not trying to preach my dislike for the states, i just want you to go into it informed about how it's run and the changes that have been occuring. it's a dangerous place to be and will progressively continue to be. i'd recommend getting your hands on a movie entitled "The Truth & Lies of 9/11". you can get it off here it's not just about 9/11, it's about alot more.it's horribly worth the $20 odd bucks

i'm not going to get into it in detail, but just make sure that you're going to a place that isn't on the verge of comming under dictatorship.

i'm sure you'll make the right choice for you, and you'll have an adventure and a half doing it good luck*hugs to you and good vibes from canada*gaja

Posted:23rd Oct 2002Hey, drome! I wish you the best of luck with your transitions!Some ideas for you:In sussing out places to move, you can check out:weather sites, see what the climate is like.Rental search sites, to get an idea of rents in different areas of a city.Some jobsearch sites will have a feature where you can see what the average wage is for various jobs, so you'll know how much you can make.Free weekly sites, to see what the city is like. These are great, most cities here will have a free weekly newspaper that is, of course, rolling in ads, but has tons of info too. They usually have articles about local issues, classified ads listing jobs and housing, an entertainment section so you can scope out the clubs and pubs, a food section so ditto for restaurants, and in general you can get a feel for a city by checking them out each week for a while.I don't know what the names are for the various papers, but every major city in the U.S. has one. For L.A., L.A. Weekly, for San Jose it's Metro, for Denver it's Westword, and so on. If you go to Westword.com, they'll have links to several others as well...And if you come to/through Denver, let me know! We'll show you the good stuff here...

Posted:24th Oct 2002Sorry I'm late. Big respect to a fellow pixie for standing up for what she believes in when faced with an extremely tough choice. Congratulations in forging your own path when faced with adversity.

Posted:25th Oct 2002Spent last weekend setting up parties and getting some quite good connections... Im in a cloud right now... Well a bit of Mushies helped on that level. Am doing parties here until I leave.

All is well and happy as I have settled into the idea... It wont happen soon but it will happen within one year but I might be back depending on what happens.

I am going home as my sis is sorting me out with connections to take the four four rhythm home with me in addition to other beats and breaks. I might also start some fire stuff there. The possibilities are endless.

My spiritual journey is just beginning I can feel the light and dark all around and am seeing all sides trying to maintain the fine balance required to achieve my deepest objectives.

Many thanks to all who have helped and will help in my future. May our paths cross enlaced with harmonic tones of peace and beauty.

The rabbithole is deep but I am falling in very soon. Where I go from there no one knows not even myself, until then I take the situation as it is served and deal with it then. The world is too large to contemplate all therefore I will go seek my truth. I must see where the rabbit hole goes and then decide when I reach the other end. I might be searching for the rest of my life. Until then I will make sure and keep you guys posted.

Posted:26th Dec 2002even though the path ahead may be rocky and full of holes, try to let go of the rains and trust the beasts that forge ur journey, for without them the journey may be slow and arguous. full of knowledge and wisdom you begin a new portion of ur life kelly. u may not know it now but when u look back upon this time u will realise u have already leapt (or been pushed) from the cliff that is the rabbit hole. enjoy the ride and release ur fear for ur angels will protect u and guide u from misfortune. with much love, trust and admirationmythmitchi will see u through as will the rest of the HOP peoples, we will not have it any other way.

Posted:26th Dec 2002That was Beautiful fi-primate-re!! Yes, Follow your Bliss (what you Love), and Doors will open where there where no doors before. Trust in the Path you have set your feet upon.There are many forks on the Path, but they all lead to the Level road. Good Luck in whatever you do, we are with you.

~Fire Spirit

FIRE IS ALIVE! IT LIVES AND BREATHS! IT CONSUMES, AND DISTROYS! BUT WE CONTROL IT, AND DANCE WITH FIRE!!