OMG, we played so much and got so many themes and totally finished the entire game by punching everything, and guess what everyone in the whole world is dead because we accidentally stepped on the wrong button, and also you’re insane. And the final credits are rife with nudity.

By which I mean, we didn’t play. I blame Mr. O’, who fell asleep putting O’Jr. to bed. Apparently this is how he stays up all night playing: by sleeping at 8pm.

But we still have three days, right? Surely we’ll do something over the weekend.

In the meantime we can discuss…uh…Pokemon Go? I caught Mew? That’s pretty great…

Butch:

Ok, I’m officially nervous.

He does WANT to play, right? I know you do. But has he soured on it?

Feminina:

No, he’s just busy. And sleepy.

Hopefully we’ll have time this weekend. Fingers crossed!

Butch:

I can empathize. It’s been “get ready for in law” week. Which will be followed by in laws, any minute now.

Sigh.

Feminina:

Those are both hard times. Sympathy.

Just think about all the intelligent conversation we’ll be able to have on Monday, when they’re gone and we’ve played!

That’s the dream right now.

Booze. We must cling to it.

Butch:

Yes. Play. For my sanity. Do it for me! Let my misery inspire you!

In all seriousness, if you make some real progress this weekend, you should be able to wrap up the whole thing next week. If you just ignore Marandino and the crystals and stuff. Which you should, cuz there’s no point to them.

And you can actually, you know, solve easy puzzles.

Feminina:

IF we can solve easy puzzles. At this point, I’m skeptical our combined brain can manage that.

Punching. We can manage the punching.

Butch:

That and cheating on the internet. Which is always an option.

Feminina:

Yeah, after a certain point we’re OK with that.

Butch:

But be prepared for mockery. Cuz dude, easy.

Just don’t overthink.

Feminina:

I suppose we deserve that: after all, I have mocked you mercilessly for not having any money or XP and having to turn down the difficulty on fights we finished on the first or second try.

We’re totally going to get a jocks vs. nerds thing going here. (Only, you know, with all nerds.)

Exactly what the blog has been missing!

Butch:

Mr. O did not play cuz of the gym the other day! And there was that one time that you….that you….uh….lemme think…

Uh….

What about…no, that wasn’t you….

Hmm.

Feminina:

True, he could make a more legitimate claim to jock-ness than…well, than me. I…uh…I walk to and from the train every day. I am clearly an elite athlete.

Nerd.

Butch:

I…uh…watch millionaires I will never meet play basketball and baseball.

So there!

Feminina:

Ooh, good point. You at least CARE about the things jocks care about.

Damn it. I…uh…carry a 2-year-old in an Ergo carrier a mile every day! That’s weight training!

Butch:

Man, you gotta play some games and soon.

Feminina:

That’s your answer to everything.

Nerd.

Butch:

Darn tootin’

Feminina:

Yeah, me too.

Butch:

And proud.

We’ve run out of verbosity. Play some fucking video games!

Feminina:

That’s the dream, all right. This weekend!

Almost certainly.

Butch:

I ain’t playing shit.

But I have a liter of tequila and the makings of sangria, so I’m good.

Well, woke up early again, and didn’t play, so we’re going to derail early, nudity or not. Shit, I just said “nudity” in the first sentence of the day. And I said nudity in the second sentence! And….AIEE!

That was quick.

I’m so very, very tired.

Which is a bummer because we really were having a good week in terms of being all smart and stuff. Shit, we even had a couple Fridays there where we held it together pretty well, said some smart things. Ah well. All streaks must end.

Feminina:

NUDITY!!!!!

OK, sorry, just got back from a meeting in Waltham or somewhere. I don’t know, I wasn’t driving.

Ugh, man, I’m sorry about the waking up thing. That SUCKS. Grigio keeps waking up around then too, but at least I can get him to go back to sleep, eventually.

If it helps, we didn’t play either, so we’re still in the same place! We must stay here forever!

Butch:

So….very….tired…..

Waltham. What fun.

Just too tired to play last night. Plus, I have to work on how I sit when I play. The controller kinda forces you to keep your elbows out a little bit, and when I play too long and use the armrest on the couch, I wind up with pain from elbow to fingers. Seriously. I get fucking game injuries. Gotta take a day off, you know?

But I wanna play tonight! If I can stay awake.

Feminina:

Game injuries are real! I’ve never had the arm thing, but I’ve gotten a stiff neck, and sore legs from sitting on the floor. Also, occasionally, a concentration headache back in the day when I could play for 6 hours straight without looking away from the TV. I can’t do that anymore. Not because of age and infirmity, just because of children.

Butch:

Ah, for me, it’s age and infirmity. And being tired. All of which, likely, ties back to children.

Apropos of nothing: you might actually like fixing the little things around the house! It does lead to some sense of satisfaction. And Mr. O is good at painting and stuff. Watch: he’ll get all into all that Better Homes and Gardens shit like putting stenciling around the walls of the kitchen. Of course, this being Mr. O, said stencils will likely be of scantily clad amazonian redhead warriors fighting even more scantily clad she demons, but hey, stenciling.

Take that, Better Homes and Gardens.

Feminina:

There’s probably a nice market out there for game-themed home decor. He should design and sell the stencils! Yet another brilliant business idea.

If only we weren’t too old and tired to follow up on any of them.

Butch:

That said, I am a big fan of the healing power of paint. Very cheap way to make everything look like you care about it! I mean…make everything look good!

Feminina:

We should start a new Friday blog tradition: Home Improvement Tips.

It’s unclear how well that will mesh with the existing tradition of working nudity into every post. Naked home improvement seems like a risky business.

Spoilers about the challenges of life and the things that support us when times get tough

Butch:

I got nothing. Kids had colds, everyone was crazy, Junior had his thing until five, I knew I’d let Chloe down.

Which is fine, because I have my six month brain check today, which means my neurologist will, once again, try to convince me that something called “laser ablation” with a “proton knife” is something I should do to my brain. I keep telling him that one should only use proton knives against people named Kevin.

Strangely, spending the day talking about brain surgery and sitting around for an hour waiting to get my blood drawn will likely be more fun than the five year old’s birthday party I did yesterday.

At least it’s likely you’ll take my advice on that one. You blew it on multiple kids, you blew it on buying a house. At least it’s likely you’ll take my advice on not letting anyone get close to your brain with a proton knife.

Feminina:

Are you kidding!? I get proton knife laser ablation every couple of months, just to keep on top of the latest! It’s the best. How do you think I finish games so fast?

It logically follows that Mr. O’ has it once a week.

Butch:

I AM NOT KEVIN!!!!!

T shirt!!!!

Actually, you two having regular brain surgery explains so much.

Feminina:

I didn’t want to give away our secret, but sooner or later, the truth comes out.

Butch:

Doctors are always so gung ho. He asked “Why don’t you want the surgery?” I said “Because it’s BRAIN SURGERY.” Like…..one would think that question answers itself.

Anyway, you picked up Divinity yet?

Feminina:

Ordered. It will probably arrive soon.

Also, “why don’t you want the surgery?” is such a great question. As is, “why don’t you skydive regularly?” or “why don’t you wrestle alligators?”

Um…it just…seems like the kind of thing one avoids where possible, is all?

Butch:

His response to my rather obvious answer of (paraphrasing) “Dude….” was “But you say you get tired in the afternoon.”

Look, doc, I respect you, I do, but really, I do not need to risk, like, terrible brain injury and all that just so I can not nap during Dinosaur Train. We are little askew on the risk/reward calculations here, doc.

O’Jr. was really into that for a while but then it went off Netflix. Or it was never on Netflix but he went off watching things on the computer instead of the TV? Or we never bothered setting up PBS Kids on the TV?

Anyway, somehow, mysteriously, he doesn’t watch it anymore.

Butch:

Stop that. You get that in my head, I’ll mention a certain holiday primate who’s beloved by children at all times of the year. We don’t want that, do we?

See, there’s this thing called channel 2. It’s one of these old things they used to have called a “television station” that just shows things whenever it wants and you can’t tell it when or what you want to see. It just happens. You don’t have to set it up or get a computer or anything! It’s practically magic!

Feminina:

I’m pretty sure you’re making all this up. Why would people just sit and watch whatever came on? As if they didn’t have many other options for video entertainment?

Ha. I remember VCRs, and it was this big thing that now you could watch a movie ANYTIME YOU WANTED! You don’t even have to wait until it shows up on TV sometime!

I don’t really remember before movies on TV, but imagine that…basically, once something left the theater it ceased to exist. If you didn’t see it while it was in town, you never would.

Strange times.

Butch:

Strange, I know. But then, how else would we have been acquainted with Steve Songs?

Dude, I remember renting VCRs. Not the tapes, the actual VCR. It was like, big, involved movie night!

Movies on TV used to be a big thing, and what was on, too. Your movie was THE THING people watched on Sunday, or whatever.

Feminina:

With who now?

We rented a VCR and movie once! It was a big holiday production. We had to rent the TV too, I think, that’s how out of the tech loop we were in…1992 this was. Yup. A bygone era. I’m just retrospectively impressed we even knew how to hook up and operate TVs and VCRs.

That’s probably more difficult these days, actually, hooking things up, I mean, what with all the cables for consoles and sound systems and internet connections.

Butch:

Dude, things now, you just plug in the HDMI cable. Back then, there were, like, different things and colors and sound cables and you had to twist things and shit.

You still don’t get tech, do you?

Feminina:

Good point. We plug everything into everything these days. But there are SO MANY blinking green lights on that Verizon unit that provides telephone and internet and (if we ever decide to pay for it) cable television! No way that’s not complicated.

Verizon Guy, you hook it up. (He did. It works. Now let us never speak of it again.)

Butch:

You should see my new network. It has two booster points, all mesh, switches from the 5ghz to 2.4 automatically, keeps things that need static IPs static without being told, and I can control it from my phone.

Trust me, it’s cool.

And at least no brain surgery!

Feminina:

At least no brain surgery!

Although dude, maybe you should get the brain surgery now, because in a couple of years if you actually need it, it probably won’t be covered by insurance. Or deductable on your taxes.

I may call and make an appointment for brain surgery myself, just in case.

Sigh. So, did I tell you about my new Pokemon achievements? Only 33 to go before I get a medal for hatching 1000 eggs!

Butch:

Proton knives for everyone! (Extreme weird callback.)

That thing you said about pokemon go is the most depressing thing I’ve heard all week.

I think “At least no brain surgery!” is the T SHIRT we retire on.

Feminina:

It’s hard to beat that shirt.

Or that callback! Which is awesome! Although sadly I think the thing it calls back to predates the blog, so no one could possibly get it. [Sorry, everyone.]

Not that anyone probably gets half the weird things we say, so come to think of it, no worries there. [Sorry, everyone!]

Butch:

See? I pay attention. Even to pre-blog wit!

Feminina:

Well, who could forget the immortal beauty of “Knives! Knives for everyone!”

Which goes all the way back to AC: Brotherhood, in the mists of time. When that game was so, so good.

You don’t share my fond memories of the game, but you remember the catchphrases. That’s true friendship.

We must cling to the thought of what is good and true and beautiful in the world, i.e. video games, to see us through these dark times.

Hm.

Butch:

And booze. Let’s not forget booze.

Feminina:

Yes, definitely booze.

And, you know, the merry laughter of our children and the loving smiles of our spouses and the ties of fond memories that unite us with family and friends etc. etc.

But definitely booze.

Butch:

I wouldn’t know. I made the mistake of encouraging my kids to do activities, and now I have nights like this where I have to pick them up, drive them to hell and gone, and sit in the car while they act in Beauty and the Beast until 5. And my spouse keeps working late.

At least I have games. And booze.

Feminina:

Games and booze will see us through!

Put your faith in games and booze, for they shall not fail you.

Sadly, you can’t enjoy them while sitting in the car waiting for your kids (unless you load Pokemon Go!), but at least their sweet promise is always present, giving you the strength to make it home.

We saw the kids’ 9-year-old cousins over the weekend. Their mom also mentioned the “going on teenager” attitude that starts to develop around now.

CAN’T WAIT. At least maybe by then we’ll have finished moving and will have hostas to tend as stress relief.

“I HATE YOU!!!”

“Fine, I need to go water the hostas.”

I played a bit. Have to say, I’m quite enjoying the banter in this game. Chloe and Nadine do some good chit-chat. You’ll love it.

Butch:

Try not to finish up with Chloe. I’m going as fast as I can here!

Dude, if it’s as bad as it’s getting with Junior, you’ll need plants that need more care than hostas. Hostas are too easy. Tomatoes. They take time. Or roses. They’re a total pain in the ass.

But less so than a ten year old. They smell better, too.

Feminina:

Roses and tomatoes it is. It’s important to think about the future when landscaping!

I was thinking about how these sweet, adorable babies, who are sometimes obnoxious but in relatively simple ways like not sleeping or eating or something, become these large, opinionated, angst-filled creatures seething with passions that can only be expressed by shouting at the tops of their lungs. It’s so weird!

Time to go prune those roses.

Butch:

And it’s a rip off too cuz we won’t need them to take care of us in our old age! We’ll be in the home playing games.

Gonna go pick aphids off of…something. Maybe pull up some weeds.

Feminina:

YEAH! They’ll come around saying “well, we were really annoying as kids, but at least now we spend time with you,” and we’ll say “um, don’t feel you have to linger, I’m sure you’re busy and I do have hundreds of dudes to murder…”

There are always aphids on something. (Even this time of years?) Or weeds. Always some weeds somewhere. Dead weeds can still be pulled.

Butch:

I always really hated aphids until today. Silly me for not being open minded. Everything has a purpose I suppose.

Feminina:

Indeed! Don’t hate the humble aphid, for one day it may be the method of your escape from preteen angst.

I shall make a note of this, to remind me to appreciate the aphids in days to come.

Butch:

I would remind you to appreciate the humble aphid, but you and I both know you wouldn’t know an aphid even if I pointed to one and said “see that? That’s an aphid.”

Feminina:

Actually, in my hippie childhood I was exposed to a number of outdoorsy and garden-related phenomena, including aphids, weeds, and potato bugs (which we used to pick off the potatoes and put into jars, and obviously, the fullest jar wins).

For some reason I am reminded that I once had a terrible crisis of conscience when I was traipsing through the tomato bed and broke one of the plants. I tried for what seemed like hours to work up the nerve to confess it to my mother, and finally just slunk away to bed in silence.

Nothing was ever said about it, so she probably either didn’t even notice, or assumed a dog had run over it or something, since there wasn’t a fence around the bed. To this day, my soul bears the stain of that guilt.

I’m so sorry, mother.

Butch:

You….you monster!

I’d have blamed the aphids.

See? Another lesson for home ownership. Don’t traipse.

Feminina:

I’ve already ordered a big NO TRAIPSING sign for the walk. No one else should have to suffer the kind of guilty torment I have.

Butch:

Wise. Nothing invites traipsing like well edged hostas.

Feminina:

NO TRAIPSING. BEWARE OF (other peoples’) DOGS.

Speaking of dogs/pets, did you do the random side mission about the creature that was eating food on the Tempest?

Whew! Finally something game-related!

Butch:

I thought we were doing quite well!

I TRIED to do that quest! I found the first crumbs, and, when I’m in the NOMAD room I get that “bloop! Scan!” thing, and I scan and scan and scan and find nothing. I KNOW it’s crumbs, but…nothing.

So I got nothing. Even on that I got nothing.

I’ll play tonight. I just did all my dinner prep to free up time.

Feminina:

I know, it was hard to FIND the damn crumbs to scan them. I was scanning all over the whole floor, and you have to get JUST the right angle.

Then you have to do it about four more times to track the thing down.

Spoiler, it turns out to be some sort of gerbilly thing that you can trap and keep in your room as a pet, which is why I thought of it. Cute, but don’t bother putting off the end just to do it.

Pretty sure it doesn’t add to your offensive capabilities in any significant way.

So I killed shit, and I started drifting towards the “exploration” tower. Didn’t get there.

I think…I missed some stuff. They did the whole “story through banter” thing and I missed some banter, I think.

Because…what…it’s raining, I get that, because the processor is broken? And something happened here that made the scourge go everywhere? Right? Or something?

So here we are again, on a story mission, with me chasing hexagons hoping the next hexagon will make it all make sense.

Sigh. Silly game. I truly thought I’d have some themeage after doing some Meridian. So far, Horizon’s Meridian is far cooler.

On a side note, if you happen to find yourself in some ancient machine, and you come to the conclusion that something awful happened there that spread awful deadly shit through the WHOLE GALAXY, maybe…I dunno, just spitballin’ here….leave?

Feminina:

I hate that. “Wait, what was that? Some important point about what we’re doing here?”

But you know you can’t just LEAVE. I mean, that would leave potentially deadly technology UNMESSED WITH! Completely left alone without even a chance that by tinkering with it, we destroy us all! That’s madness.

I kind of liked the rain from a design standpoint. It was a cool bit of atmosphere. Literally I guess, haha, but also in an aesthetic sense. But you’re right, it was hard to tell whether it was supposed to mean something significant that we missed the banter about, or if was just there to be cool.

Butch:

That or they talk over themselves!

PB: That’s amazing! If we just activate that then- Drack: My ass hurts because I ate a- Ryder: It’s all so amazing…..

DUDES! One at a time! Please!

Yeah, game protagonists never seem to get the term: “On second thought…” Once they make their minds up, their minds are made up. It’s never “Well, we started this plan without knowing anything about anything, and, now that we have some concrete data, especially terrifying concrete data, perhaps we should reassess.” Nope. It’s always “Hey, we committed to this, we’re gonna do it. Don’t worry. I’m sure everything will be just fine once we get to the next hexagon.”

But then, can you blame them? Any real second guessing or warning would probably be

PB: Actually, Sara, based on my calculations that would be a very bad- Drack: My ass hurts because I ate a- Ryder: It’s all so amazing……what were you saying PB? PB: I can only tell you if you reload the game and do that whole fight again. Ryder: Well, fuck that. Off to the next hexagon! It’ll be fine. You’re gonna love it.

Feminina:

Yes. That is exactly the conversation I have had with companions many times. “What was that? Never mind, I don’t want to reload. Let’s just press on, I’m sure it’ll work out.”

And it does! With us killing everyone in sight for no clear reason! Just as we planned.

I do hate when they talk over each other. Seems like a fixable issue there, but I don’t know how this works.

Plus, I suppose, there are those players who would hate if the game paused and MADE you listen to each conversation when they were in a hurry to press on and were therefore triggering all those overlapping observations by moving within range of the whatever. “Will you shut up, I don’t care about that!”

Can’t please everyone.

Butch:

Those people really should play a game where the story doesn’t matter.

But then, the easy fix is to keep the banter light hearted, and keep the story in cutscenes. Might be artificial, but at least it wouldn’t lead to confusion. I can live with some confusion in side quests, but now? At the big main goal thing? No.

Feminina:

I repeatedly said, while running around Meridian, “thanks, me, for reminding me what I’m doing here,” and meant it, because I would have gotten completely lost without Ryder’s occasional helpful comments on “there’s the tower, I’ve got to get over there!” or whatever.

It wasn’t really HARD, and I did enjoy the atmosphere, but it was definitely a bit of a confusing mess.

Butch:

Oh it’s not hard. Shit, now that I’ve done all the loyalty quests and everyone is powered up to the hilt, AND I have the bot powered up to the hilt, even Hydra no longer scare me. I haven’t died at all. The only “HOLY SHIT” moments come when I mess up and step in scourge goo.

I think this was one of those games that messed up by giving you SO many quests early, thus enabling you to overpower yourself for the main quests. I feel this would have been interestingly challenging about 18 levels ago, but I did all the side quests and loyalty quests that the GAME GAVE ME first, so now it’s all “zap, zap, wait for Drack, oh look the drone and I’m done.”

All open world games have a problem with this. If they let you go anywhere, they run the risk of letting you do everything too early and turning into superman. Some games (TW3, FO3) did a good job of putting up barriers to things (Skellege, whole shit tons of deathclaws), but this game? Less so. Except when it does put up laughingly unsubtle barriers, but it doesn’t do that enough.

Feminina:

Ha! I kept falling in the goo too. “And away I leap!–and oops, down I go, and now I’m dying from electric shock or whatever.”

It’s true, these games do let us get all superpowered up, and then the later parts aren’t that challenging, but do you really WANT them to be very challenging at this point? I mean, if this were a series of horrendous deathfights, wouldn’t that just be frustrating?

As you say, it kind of comes with the open-world model: if you want to NOT let people get superpowered before certain things, you have to construct a more linear story to make sure they don’t have access to things until you think they should. And that’s not really an open world.

But in open worlds with 50 million things to do, I honestly think being overleveled for the endgame is a pro, more than a con, because by the time we’ve finished the 45 million out of 50 million that we’re actually going to do, we just want to get on with the damn game. We don’t necessarily WANT to be “challenged” at that point. We’ve done every freaking challenge you set up for us, now you want us to jump through more murderhoops to prove we’re worthy of finding out how the story ends?

In a linear game that only takes 20-30 hours to finish, sure: make the final fight be the hardest thing ever. When I’ve already put 200 hours in (probably not literally–although this game doesn’t track play time, so who knows?), I am not in the damn mood.

It’s just a different approach.

Butch:

Unlike other planets, the goo is not terribly well marked.

I did like, on Kadara, when Ryder would say “Yup, still hurts.”

Yes, Sara, I know, I missed the jump.

It would be frustrating if this were super hard, and I have expressed my displeasure with hard end of game fights often, but this isn’t end of game (is it?). We’re a few quests from the end, and if it’s gonna be THIS easy for this long, it’s just going to get to the point where I roll my eyes at pointless shooting that is just slowing me down. I think I’m already there.

As for open world, see TW3 (and FO3 which you didn’t play shame on you). It was open world, yes, kinda, sorta, but it wasn’t. There were whole areas that weren’t even accessible until you did enough in the open world you were in. “Go to Skellege” was level 18, and there were things you had to accomplish before the boat guy would take you. You couldn’t say “I’m going to do every monster contract IN THE WHOLE GAME before I move along with the main story even had you wanted to, because large chunks of the whole game were cordoned off. This game, not so much. You could do anything anytime.

They could have, say, not given you the loyalty quests, say, until you had played enough that you MUST be level whatever. Or they could have MADE you do the bomb and tiller quests (and made them a certain difficulty) before the Meridian bit (and made that harder). But they didn’t, and now fights are boring.

I feel like we’re about 500 hours in. At least. Maybe more.

I kid. Sorta.

I’m gonna try to wrap up Meridian tonight, but I have a massive cold, plus holiday prep. I figured out why the armchair cover has been turning up in the kitchen, the dining room, even the bathroom once: Meatball has been using it as a handkerchief.

Sigh.

Feminina:

Kids are so gross. Someday the house will be really clean! But not until the kids grow up.

And you’re not actually that far away from the end, though. It’s all sort of end-ish after Meridian. I mean, it doesn’t have to be if you have a lot of stuff left to do, but I had pretty much done everything before, and I pretty much didn’t do anything afterwards but chase the end. It’s not like you’re done with Meridian and now you have 20 new quests you have to clear up.

Butch:

Oh good. Then, by all means, easy! Hooray, easy!

And I still have two clicks of easy under normal! I might actually PLAY AS CHLOE before you finish PLAYING AS CHLOE!

I got nothing. I was going to have something, but, as I was making dinner for the kids, I dropped a hot pizza into a hot oven, which really does some interesting things chemically. This led to utter chaos. Smelly, tantruming, charred pizza chaos. So I’m cleaning the oven, burning myself, trying to get back up dinner ready, then hitting the self clean on the oven, then calming meatball down cuz he thought the house was on fire…..

This led to fatigue and booze and no games.

I’m still in a mood.

Feminina:

Fair. That is a legitimate reason for not playing.

I don’t have much either. Played a bit, but then ran into a glitch (second time I’ve seen it) where I die, but it doesn’t give me the option to reload, so I just lie there, dead, watching the battle rage on. Had to go back to the main menu to reload the whole game, and by then it was almost time to quit for the night anyway, so…meh.

Anyway, before that I went back to the Nexus, talked to the reporter, did NOT go meet her in the bar (siiiigh…I resist temptation for you, Peebee!) even though she said she really hoped I felt the same way she did. Then got a bit of fighting done. I would say I’m in the endgame, but I still only have 86% of the cluster scanned, and the last three systems I did only got me from 85 to 86, so there’s clearly a bunch more of something still to do.

This is not one of those games that ends.

Butch:

And a very legitimate reason for falling asleep while Junior watched his night shows, even though it was a NOVA about the Cassini spacecraft that I really wanted to watch. And a very legitimate reason for drinking, which I did after I put him to bed.

Man, that’s annoying. Didn’t Mr. O run into some terrible glitch that necessitated him writing to bioware? It’s weird, because (knock wood) I haven’t run into a thing except the usual occasional graphic stutters you get in every game. Or this one rather awesome one where Drack kept jumping like a mile in the air over and over and over again. Like a damn MILE. You couldn’t see him! It was kinda great. If annoying.

Knock wood. I hate glitches.

Guess not. Every time I think I’m making progress, I’m not.

And you haven’t even packed the PS4 yet. Soon, yes?

Feminina:

We haven’t packed anything. We’re in denial. “What? Moving? Well, yes, I suppose, but I think it will just magically happen at some point, no need to get worked up about it.”

I have a pile of boxes I’ve saved at work, but I never remember to take any of them home with me, so that’s super useful.

I don’t remember any terrible glitch while Mr. O’ was playing MEA, but maybe I was playing something else at the time and tuned it out.

Butch:

Don’t be in denial. You’re gonna love it.

I remember he said that there was one bit, in the main quest line, where when he got close to the quest marker the whole game crashed back to the desktop. I remember him saying that, as I have been living in mortal fear that it’ll happen to me.

Glitches are bad. Game breaking glitches inspire mortal fear.

Feminina:

Oh yeah…I vaguely remember that…except I thought it was on some random side mission that he eventually just gave up on, not the main quest. Hm. Well, whatever it was, I haven’t seen it yet and I’ve gotten farther than you have, so it’s probably fine.

I’m not in denial about the house. That’s going to be fine. After the past month of spending an hour every morning walking here and there dropping people off at places before I get on the train, I can’t wait to be closer to things.

I’m just in denial about having to actually do specific things to get there. Like packing.

Butch:

Packing does kinda suck. Unpacking was worse, though. It reinforced so much futility. Remember, we packed so very much stuff to make the house we were selling look bigger, then we lived without all our stuff in a hotel for five months.

Now, one would think this would mean each box would be filled with joy, relief that the ordeal was over, full of reminders of our lives and the promise of a wonderful life in our new home. There was some of that, but mostly it was like “Uh…what is this thing? Something for the kitchen maybe? Or the bathroom?”

And it set in that we spent a great deal of time packing things we didn’t really want, and a great deal of money to move and store them. So we vowed to make sure, in our new and permanent home, to value each possession, to not acquire anything that we wouldn’t pack with pride and open with joy should we ever move again.

This vow lasted approximately twelve seconds. If that.

Feminina:

Yeah, I am attempting to use this opportunity as a time to reflect on what we really need, discard some things we haven’t touched since the last time we moved, and ideally begin our lives in our new home with only those material goods that we value and use regularly, providing us a space free of meaningless knick-knacks!

But I already know I’m going to wind up tossing everything heedlessly into boxes because I leave it until the night before and don’t have the time or energy to think about whether or not we actually need or care about it, and then we’ll unpack as you describe, wondering “what the hell is this? oh well, just stick it over there I guess,” and 30 years from now when we prepare to sell the place in preparation for our move into the home, it will still be over there, only buried under 12 layers of additional random stuff.

I took a few things from the closet that I never wear and put them in a pile that I will eventually call some charity to come pick up! That’s a start! Only 300 pounds of clothes I wear once every five years left to transport, plus the 8 shirts and three pairs of pants I actually wear on a regular basis.

Butch:

That’s what home ownership is about!

Plus, when you put boxes together, they reproduce. You move from a smaller place into a bigger place, which SHOULD mean your stuff all fits and you have room left over, but NOOOOO. You run out of storage space before you even get all the boxes in. While this defies all possible laws of physics, it is a truth of moving, and proof of a fifth dimension.

Feminina:

I cherish this chance to throw out 6 T shirts I never wore, while clinging fiercely to 12 other T shirts I never wore BUT SOMEDAY MIGHT.

Butch:

Throw them all out! We have so many ideas it’ll give you a chance to print up new ones!

Feminina:

Such a good point! Out with the old!

Butch:

In with the Surreal!

Joint T SHIRT!!!!

See? You’ll be fine.

Feminina:

It’s going to be fantastic.

As soon as we’re done unpacking.

Butch:

So never.

Feminina:

Exactly. But a well-intentioned never!

Butch:

Which pretty much sums up home ownership. That and the hostas you must plant in the yard.

This was a pretty spectacular derail. Guess that happens when I don’t play.

Well, so far as I can see, the internet is for four things: Talking about video games (which we can’t do cuz I didn’t play this weekend), stupid videos (which we are above), porn (and we’re not that kind of blog, thank you very much) and ranting.

So I’m gonna start a rant this Monday.

I like Halloween. I do. Very much. I like trotting out Rocky Horror and the Monster Mash and the silliness of it all.

But lately, it goes on WAAAAAAAAY too long. And between parties and town things and school things, the kids have worn their costumes a billion times before they actually trick or treat.

And that’s just fucking stupid. Not only does it take the fun out of the actual day (“This again?”) but it runs the very real risk of the costumes meeting some ghastly end before the big day. I have spent the better part of the last two weeks watching in potential horror as three costumes have almost ripped, town, disintegrated or gotten covered in mud. ENOUGH I SAY!

And don’t get me started on the fact that in the “seasonal” aisle at the store the other day they had started putting up Christmas shit NEXT TO THE HALLOWEEN CANDY! Dudes, at least take the Halloween candy down first. Otherwise it will just end up fodder for an internet rant.

Ok, I feel better. But DAMN do I need to play.

Feminina:

And cats! Don’t forget cats. I mean, neither of us has a cat, so we can forget them, but no one else on the internet will.

Nevertheless, that is a righteous and true rant. I also like Halloween, but I agree, as with pretty much every holiday, there’s too much of it these days. Halloween itself is kind of an anticlimax by the time it finally comes around, and as you say, there’s the risk to costumes.

Although–not that I’m in any way suggesting this, more offering it as an example of the too-muchness–a thing I see people talking about on Facebook and such is MULTIPLE COSTUMES for different events. Dude, can you even imagine the awfulness of having to come up with/craft/purchase multiple costumes for multiple children for multiple events? Noooooooooo!!!!

Not that I do any of it anyway, Mr. O’ has historically been in charge of this because he’s more craftsy than I am and likes to undertake it as an art project. More power to him. I’ll play games.

Butch:

Ah yes, those. How could I forget cats?

It’s a terrible anti-climax! Especially as we have a great neighborhood block party that’s so much more fun than actual Halloween. Way too much. I am also morally opposed to the fact that there will be FM stations broadcasting 24/7 Christmas music starting Wednesday. I have never understood how the DJs on those channels don’t go insane.

Multiple costumes: Oh HELL no. Let me count the ways no. No no no.

And yeah. Mrs. McP did a great job of making Link (Legend of Zelda) and Steve (Minecraft) by hand. Boxes, duct tape and felt make for a pretty good minecraft, and she drew all the shit on Link’s costume free hand. It’s pretty amazing. And she liked it, so yeah. She can do that. I’ll play games.

Oh, and in actual game news, Sony had a big thing at Paris Game Week at which they showed off a bunch of shit, including a lot of artsy new indies that are right up our alley, the fact that the very unfortunately named “Detroit: Become Human” will be out in the spring (one we might want to keep an eye on), a game that Mr. O will no doubt dig, as it is a medieval samurai game from the dudes who did infamous, and a new trailer for The Last of Us Part II, which featured dance numbers and humor.

Ok, no it didn’t, the game looks really brutal and serious and dark and stuff. But it also looks good. I kinda wish it didn’t look so good.

Feminina:

Oh, the Last of Us. Crushing our souls with depressing goodness. We can’t turn away (you KNOW we can’t turn away, we will have to play it), and yet we can only look forward to it with anxiety and dread.

Butch:

Dude, this trailer was BRUTAL. Like, hard to watch brutal. It failed entirely to make me say “Oh goody! This shall be a fun romp!” No. But it did make me say “That does look good…..” But holy hell. Seriously.

And yes, we’ll play it. Of course we will.

Sigh.

Feminina:

I need more unwaveringly grim apocalyptic narrative in my life, I really do. Everything is going so well in the real world, we need to spice it up with some fictional utter disaster.

Unclear. The very upsettingly, hard to watch trailer didn’t have any specifics. Other superfans who have gone over trailers frame by frame seem to have identified Seattle as a probable location, but that doesn’t mean NOT Boston.

So there I was. Right by Drack’s loyalty quest. “Cool,” thought I, “those are nice, self contained missions! I shall do it, play an hour, and have lots to talk about with Femmy.”

So I killed outlaws, watched a shuttle leave, etc. And I get “Search Spender’s place on the Nexus.”

“Ok,” thought I, “stay focused. Go to the nexus.”

So I did! Without running around the Tempest or flirting with Suvi or anything. And I searched his room, and got “Talk to Drack…on the Tempest.”

And THEN I thought “Well…I might not be back to the nexus for a while…”

And you know how that went after that. I’m currently trying to find some woman with a virus who has exactly nothing to do with Drack’s quest.

The only real story thing I moved along was I got the memory that mentioned the “benefactor.” I still don’t know who said benefactor is, and I have to talk to Tann about it, which I haven’t done, because there were hexagons EVERYWHERE!

Sigh. Today I’ll find the virus woman, talk to Tann, and get right back on the Tempest. Probably. After I talk to the reporter.

This GAME man!

Feminina:

That is exactly this game, all right. Because who knows when you’ll be back on the Nexus?!

I…did some stuff. Fought some kett. Made some choices.

Flirt with the reporter! FLIRT I SAY.

Butch:

Oh I know when I’ll be back on the nexus. I sure do. My next playing session, that’s when. Because I just had the most ironic day of gaming EVER.

I should have known that “Talk to Tann” and “Wrap up the contangion” bit would take FOREVER.

Found out Gerson was murdered (nice twist, and lord knows this game needs MORE STORYLINES!), flirted with the reporter (cuz who doesn’t stop to flirt when a pandemic might start?) but didn’t get the nudity and strong sexual content that you likely got (cuz I didn’t finish the report), then went looking for the ship which…..

Took me back to Kandara.

Now when I got back to Kandara, there was a research station right there, so I made a SWEET gun and the implant for the kid. Ok? Remember this.

So I found the ship. Decided to let the bad guy kill the sick woman. She was dying anyway, and why risk it? So she got dead, and the quest was over. Bad, bad roekkar!

And then…I made a fateful, ironic choice. I said “Well, I have this kid’s construct, and I’m here, so I’ll give it to him.” And I did. And found out about the plot to wipe out the computers……..

ON THE NEXUS.

It’s like gameception.

So back to the nexus. After I pick up the booze for Kesh. Probably.

(Best banter ever: Cora: You know Drack, at your age, if you were an asari commando, you’d be up for retirement with honors.” Drack: “Pfft………wait, would I get free booze?” Cora: “Probably not.” Drack: Then….PFFT.”)

Feminina:

We should know better than to ask “when am I going to be back here?” But think of it this way, now when you go back, you’ll have less to do!

Except I should know better than to say that. There will probably be 15 new quests.

That is good dialogue! I didn’t get that. “No booze? …pfft” is pretty much the words we live by.

I also made the fateful choice to let the Roekaar kill that sick woman. I mean, SAM said the copy of the disease he had was “possibly not viable” or whatever he said, but…I didn’t like the sound of that “possibly.” And it’s our job to look out for the people of the Initiative as a whole, so one certainly dead person seemed like a better call than possibly thousands of dead people.

I felt bad about it, since it wasn’t her fault, but I would feel worse if I saved her and then later heard about an outbreak that wiped out our settlement on Voeld or something. Sorry, lady. Nothing personal. And I think she understood, anyway…she was the one trying to escape to the middle of nowhere so no one would be exposed to her, trying to commit suicide in the Roekaar facility so they couldn’t copy the disease…she was on board with dying to protect the lives of others.

Butch:

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

“No booze? …pfft”… One could live by worse words.

She was OK dying to protect others, which means I didn’t feel that bad. But unlike us to make the same choice when that choice is KILLING SOMEONE. But yes, “possibly” was a pretty good tip off, there. Thanks, SAM.

Sigh. Back to the nexus. Probably.

Feminina:

Well, and we didn’t actually shoot her, we just didn’t stop the Roekaar. Would we have actually shot an innocent person? Even to potentially save many others? I don’t know.

Butch:

Oh yeah. No doubt.

Ok, kids are at school, did chores, so I went back to the nexus. Finished up with the firemen. Talked down the baddie, as I fixed her son. I’m SURE you did that. We’ll see if that matters.

Talked to Drack, who wants me to go to some planet I’ve already been on and not now.

Tried to find booze, which directed me to a place I’ve already been and not now.

NOTHING IS EASY!

Fuck it. Tonight I hunt the archon.

PROGRESS!

But probably not.

Feminina:

Yeah, I totally talked her down. I mean, what are we, monsters? “Naw, just shoot her, I’m irritated she tried to mess with SAM.”

Hunt the archon! There’s good stuff there…stuff I only got to a few days ago myself, because of my insistence on doing EVERYTHING first. The only things I had left were the random tasks that don’t have quest markers, like “scan all the bodies on Eos” or whatever. Look, I’m not driving over the entire planet AGAIN to find the body I forgot to scan last time.

I demand quest markers! HANDHOLD, damn it!

So go, hunt the archon while it’s all fresh in my memory. There is absolutely no strategic reason to have to do everything else first. All those other things will still be there later.

Butch:

Dude, what? You’ve been playing this game for roughly 39817598327523 hours and you’re at pretty much the same point in the main quest line as I am? REALLY?

I guess you won’t get to PLAY AS CHLOE that much sooner than I will because I am going to say fuck it to most of these quests. Tasks, too. I did scan a couple of rocks today, but that was only because I was running right by them.

I do kinda want to track down some memory triggers. Damn you, game, for making a major part of the story tied to a collectible.

My lack of fucks to give about side quests extended, today, to me running right past an exclamation point and hearing some dude say “You there! Can I talk to you…” until he got so quiet in the distance he faded out. For real. No, asshat, you cannot talk to me, as I can’t be bothered. Saving the galaxy, here.

I did kinda love than when I got back to the nexus, and found that one of Knight’s bombs had taken a chunk out of hydroponics (poor hydroponics always is getting shat upon, aren’t they?) Ryder’s reaction was “Uh..sorry, I was…helping someone else…”

Touche, game. Touche.

In other games, I’ve been meaning to ask, why the hell hasn’t Mr. O fired up Horizon? He would LOVE Horizon. Did you tell him it sucked so your could hog the console?

Feminina:

I have done many quests and helped many other people. And scanned many rocks.

I’m not going to pretend I wouldn’t obsessively complete ALL the tasks, if the game would only handhold for me, but wandering aimlessly around a planet trying to find a thing to scan is too much even for me.

As is looking it up on the internet.

I have my limits.

And no, I told him I liked it, but he says he has work to get done and feels he’s better off not playing anything right now. (He finished PLAYING AS CHLOE in about a week.)

Suits me. As you say, I can hog the console.

Butch:

Work. Sheesh. What, does he have a job or something? That’s never stopped you, has it?

Obsessively completing tasks is also pointless. XP really has no place for me anymore. I have overpowered the tech powers I like, put mods on guns and armor to overpower them even more, I’m used to using them, done. I’ve gotten to the point where I just hit “Auto Level up” for MYSELF (been doing that for companions since ME2). So what’s the point of the silly tasks? XP I don’t need? Credits I need even less? It’s really just for the sake of completeness, and I’m past the point of giving a shit.

The companion quests I’ll do for sure. Two down already, and I sure TRIED to do Drack’s. I’ll do convenient side quests. But unless all the damn rocks are on my way to someplace I need to go (or has booze) they ain’t getting done.

Spoilers for some companion dialogue and story in Mass Effect: Andromeda

Butch:

Well I THOUGHT I was going to have some good bloggage. I charged towards the main story mission! Main story missions have bloggage! Right? But no. It turned out to be farther away than I had hoped. So there was some fighting, there was me finding an outpost site that is still 36% short of me being able to use it, a couple memory triggers (I don’t count them as a waste of time cuz you get story), and FINALLY where the next bit was. And what did this main story mission get me? A busted transponder. Busted. And now I have to go talk to Gil on the Nexus. That was it.

It did lead to a pretty wonderful moment. I was with Drack and Vetra, and, when I found it, here’s me all “Hey! I found it! The transponder!” all bubbly and proud. Next shot: Drack and Vetra…a long slow look at it, then a long look at each other, then back at me, long pause then Drack: “That thing’s busted.”

The takes were so long I thought the game had glitched. But no, it was just mocking me, but doing it in a wonderfully shot way. Like them saying “She doesn’t get it, does she? You wanna tell her or should I?”

But then I was right near this murder scene. It was a little awkward, cuz I found the alive guy first, and I had a dialog option that said “Murdered Krogan” to which I said “What?” but picked it anyway, and was all “Your neighbor is dead!” to which I said, “What?”

But investigate I did, and now I’ve been vortexed into doing something with Reyes and Roekkar and there will likely be shooting cuz I’ll do that next.

In other words, this was one of those playing sessions where I moved things along, and I did…kinda…do stuff, but I don’t feel like I did anything. This game seems to have these sessions quite a bit. When you get to a checkpoint on a main story mission and a big side quest, you should have more bloggage than I have.

Feminina:

Ha! That’s so awesome. I don’t remember that moment specifically–I don’t think I had Drack and Vetra with me, and maybe with other companions the reaction wasn’t as dramatic. Very nice, though.

Although speaking of game glitches and long takes, I noticed that on Kadara specifically I get a LOT of driving issues. I’ll be going along in the Nomad, suddenly it’s not moving, then 5 seconds later it’s moving fine again. Weird, and not apparently dangerous since it’s always resolved itself quickly, but it happens quite frequently on that planet. It may not be an issue with your fancy PS Pro, though.

Reyes…Roekaar…shooting…sounds about right.

I didn’t do anything last night. We’re still working out the groove of lunch preparations, getting ready for school in the morning, etc. We have to leave the house half an hour earlier, which kind of cramps ones style.

Butch:

Ah yes. We’re lucky, in that we have loads of time in the morning cuz the kids wake up so damn early. Plenty of time.

I also remember when Junior was in kindergarten, and we dutifully packed lunches cuz healthy and economical and all that shit. Then, somewhere, I think first grade or so, maybe late kindergarten, it just got to be such a pain in the ass that we said fuck it and now they buy lunch. All you need to do is go to a cafeteria and see who’s eating what to know which parents have said “fuck it.” At least, these days, school lunch is a whole lot healthier than it was back in my day. Salads and whole wheat and baked instead of friend and stuff. My school had beige things and Tastykake coconut cream pies for sale. For real.

You got full day kindergarten or half days and after school programs?

It was awesome. Those two are so gonna wind up together. They have such a great rapport. I LOVED that when we got to Kandara they both just left together to do something TOTALLY shady. Ryder all “Do I want to know?” and both of them, in unison: “Nope.”

Good stuff.

I hadn’t noticed any NOMAD glitches. Odd. No, my shiny NOMAD is doing just fine. And I got used to my upgrade pretty quickly.

Feminina:

They CALL it full day, but it starts at 8:00 and ends at 2:00, which is pretty much nobody’s idea of a full day except theirs. So we make use of the before and after care, extending the day from 7 to 5:30.

We’ve been getting up early too, like 5:40, but we have to leave the house at 6:30, and O’Jr. wants to watch his morning video, so things get tight. It’ll be easier once we move: the house is only 10 minutes walk from school instead of half an hour.

I contemplated just paying for lunch, but he said he wanted to bring it, so for now, we’ll pack. I also read somewhere that they eat more if they bring lunch because they have more time TO eat, not having to wait in line first, but whatever…I’m sure we’ll revisit the question at some point. And yeah, the lunch menu isn’t that terrible, so it’s not a big deal. One great thing? The school isn’t nut-free, so we can make him peanut butter sandwiches!

Drack and Vetra are great together. I don’t know if I see them TOGETHER together, though. Their banter feels more like good friends. They’ll probably start a blog.

Butch:

Hey, that ain’t bad. Our K, two days a week, is only 9-1230. Take it.

Yeah, that nut free thing is tough. My kids, there’s a nut eatin’ table at lunch, so they bring nuts, but the classrooms…shit. They have to take a little snack, and you can’t send anything that even has those “Processed on a machine that might have, maybe, in some other plane of existence, had a nut near it” labels. Like, people, if your kid is eating in the same room as a bunch of elementary school kids who have the peanut butter eating table, they have been exposed to more nuts than the ritz/cheese sandwich crackers. My kids, when they eat peanut butter, which they do daily, get it on every part of their body, which they then manage to use to touch every inch of the house, including the ceiling, on their way to “wash up.” Which I put in quotes on purpose. I see no reason the kids at the nut table are doing anything differently. That room, and most of the rooms near it, are covered with a sheen of peanut oil if they let kids eat peanut butter there. Like my house.

Sorry. I tend to rant about this shit.

Junior was all into the whole “I want to bring lunch cuz mommy and daddy know what I like and isn’t it sweet they do this” thing until he realized that buying lunch meant things like pizza and chicken sandwiches. Turns out he knows he likes pizza and mommy and daddy aren’t sweet enough to pack it.

Drack and Vetra’s blog I would so read. It would be the second best blog on the internet.

Feminina:

I’m with you on the nut rants. It makes the little snacks (we have to send them as well) so much easier! “Here, have some peanut butter crackers, or at the very least some other crackers that were processed in a facility that uses machinery that may also at some point in its history have processed nuts.”

I mean, I feel for people whose kids have serious allergies–there’s no way to NOT ever touch anything that was once touched by a nut, or by a kid covered in a thin film of nut oil. It’s got to be tough.

We would constantly be linking to Drack and Vetra’s blog, because it would be so awesome.

Butch:

“This product was made in the same time zone as a nut.”

CAN’T TAKE IT!

And you can’t send in home made stuff! Back in ye olden times, when we were kids, not only did I play games, I went to school. There was a tradition that a kid, upon his birthday, would bring in a batch of cookies or something to share with the class. This was awesome, cuz, well, cookies, but also because the kid would feel super awesome as the provider of same. Now, the no fun brigade makes it so that can’t happen.

Weak.

It’s angry Thursday!

At least I have leftovers for the kids.

Feminina:

Wait, you can’t send cookies AT ALL, or just not homemade ones? I suppose I could understand no homemade (because you obviously cannot be trusted not to include something that touched a nut, you negligent monster), but if they’re going with no treats at all, well, that’s just a joyless monument to healthy eating.

We’re allowed to bring stuff for birthdays at daycare/preschool (even homemade). I have not heard the policy for kindergarten yet. Honestly, joyless or no, I don’t ENTIRELY mind a ban on treats because it means I don’t have to think about making/purchasing them, but that’s me being lazy again.

Although if edible treats are banned, it just means people will send in horrible little toys that end up everywhere in the house, so on second thought MORE COOKIES NOW!!!!

There’s just this creeping sense of failure that can start to set in where you feel you have to live up to the standards of random other parents in making sure YOUR kid takes in something as good as the LAST kid brought…bah.

Angry Wednesdays! I shouldn’t be held to standards!

Butch:

I suppose you can get store bought ones that come in packages with the whole no nut thing, but that pretty much limits you to graham crackers at best.

And it’s not to healthy eating, it’s anti-nut. Nuts ARE healthy! And it’s nothing homemade! You could send in homemade kale quinoa puffs, and no dice, cuz there MIGHT HAVE BEEN A NUT IN YOUR KITCHEN ONCE!

And Dude….did he do the little valentine card thing? DID HE? Because you know what they do now? Little teeny cards that have pencils! Little index card things that have pictures of monkeys and witty sayings like “You make me go ape!” with pencils that are IMPOSSIBLE to get into the index card, and EVERYONE has them! He’ll come home with 23 pencils. And he can’t even write well!

We’ve never had standards. Why start now?

Feminina:

Hear hear.

Standards: Never had ’em, never will.

He had a couple of the tiny pencils last Valentine’s, but they weren’t everywhere. Yet. And temporary tattoos, those are very big. I don’t actually mind those, because they are fleeting and they don’t take up a ton of space. If I’m in charge, it’s going to be nothing but temporary tattoos for every occasion, forever.

“I’m so proud of you for getting your PhD, son! I got you a sheet of diploma-themed temporary tattoos to share with your little friends.”

Butch:

Standards:

T SHIRT!!!!!

(Saw that coming, didn’t you?)

And excellent plan for the PhD! Those are pretty great. Give those if you want people to like you.

If you want people to hate the fuck out of you, give them the scratch off picture thingies. Those ones that are black and you scratch off the black and there’s colors underneath? Like coloring only with a lot of black scraped off crap?

Yeah. Don’t do that.

Feminina:

Oh man, no. Those things were designed by and for people who like to use children as pawns in their long-running petty feuds with other parents.

Butch:

Especially against parents who have such meticulous children that they have to get every molecule of black off the fucking things.

You know. Parents like me.

Feminina:

Some parent out there hates you in particular. You must avenge this insult.

Time to break out…the glitter.

Butch:

You…..you MONSTER.

As an aside, it says a lot about MEA that I played a good hour, DID A STORY MISSION, and we ended up here…..