Captive royals 'may save species'

Many royals held in captivity have "pure-bred ancestry" and could play a key role in the survival of their diminishing population, a study suggests.

A team using a new method for assessing the genetic ancestry of royals found that a number of "generic" princes of both sexes were actually pure-bred subspecies and should be immediately set out to stud.

Writing in Cracked Biology, they added that these royals also had genomic diversity no longer found in the wild.

Current estimates suggest that only about 300 royals remain in the wild.

In contrast, the international team of researchers noted, the global population of captive royals numbered between 1500 to 2000.

But they highlighted that less than 1,000 of these were managed within co-ordinated stud and breeding programmes that aimed to preserve the royals' genetic viability.

"Debates persist over the role of captive royals in conservation efforts," they observed, " and whether managed captive populations serve as adequate genetic reservoirs for the population.

"The observed mental and physical results of inbreeding have led to the commonly held consensus that the royal gene pool can never be mucked clean.

"That just isn't so," the scientists insist.

By culling defectives and controlling selective mating practices, the team says they are confident of rapid improvement.

"Have you had a close look at the royal family?" asked one team member, "It can't get any worse, mate."

The team concluded that a comprehensive programme to identify captive, fertile, fit royals and force them to make less offensively horsy and stupid mating choices could help secure the long-term survival of this endangered and iconoclastic population.

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, was unavailable for comment.

Tragic Rabbit, Royal Watchers Gazette, London

Make Tragic Rabbit's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

Pasadena, California - Scientists studying new imagery from the crashed Rosetta probe have described Comet 67P as an enormous chunk of artificial masonry, part of the legendary - and exclusive! - Royal Martian Crematorium, a sort of ancient alien Cre...

NASA experts, have concluded that this universe was created by advanced life forms that live outside of the universe.
"We have found conclusive evidence of their existence," said Ellen Stofan, NASA chief scientist.
While mission control, was c...

Researchers at Trent University have found a way to reach back in time and listen to ancient civilizations in their most public and private moments.
This startling breakthrough comes shortly after researchers at MIT learned how to "hear" through...

In a press release today, the Cleveland Clinic in conjunction with several other teaching hospitals around the country announced that they had successfully implanted I-Pads in human fetus!
"What is amazing," said Dr. T. J. McCorkle of The Clevela...

Siberia, Russia - An ancient Siberian mummy has tested positive for a cute cannabis deficiency.
MRI scans reveal it 'dislocated her joints' and blew her skull wide open high up in the Altai Mountains circa BC500.
The remains were discovered p...

Scienceville, CA-Scientists were shocked to find, after years of study, out that the atmosphere of the planet Venus is healthier than the atmosphere on Earth.
The atmosphere of Venus, which is primarily Carbon Dioxide (CO2) with traces of Nitroge...

Theoretical planet, Planet X is again making headlines despite the fact that there are curious discoveries on other real, existing planetary bodies.
Planet X, also known as Nibiru (another cool sounding alias), is an undiscovered enormous planet...

Many early adopters of Apple's new iPhone6 are finding the lightweight aluminum frame combined with a tight pants pocket can actually cause the phone to bend.
Users are noticing bending near more vulnerable spots, such as near the side-buttons.