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I'm new and in need of advice...

Started by
Alluvesscs11
, Aug 19 2014 06:58 AM

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Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 06:58 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

So without unloading my entire life story on everyone, here is the skinny. My boyfriend and I were finally in a position to buy a house at the beginning of the summer after having looked for two years in a horrible market and losing out on our dream home last year because of finances and credit. This left us very depressed but nevertheless motivated to fix our situation. We paid off some bills, started actually paying other bills and finally got our credit looking good. About this time, around May of this year, we received some good news that my boyfriends VA (the department of Veteran Affairs) compensation got adjusted due to a recent new claim and we could expect a good chunk of change to come from it. Excited and emboldened that things were finally looking up for us after last years disaster and misery, we started looking for a house again. Well, as usual, plans fell through, AGAIN, for the house that we wanted so bad last year but there was light on the horizon! We got approved for financing to build our own house with all the upgrades we wanted on this gorgeous lot with a pond in the back! Everything seemed perfect and I had chalked it up to God for making us go through the disaster last year in order to give us an even bigger blessing this year. I was brought up to believe that one was walking on God's path when things start to fall into place neatly and that was exactly what was happening.

Well apparently I did this too soon because 3 days after signing the contract to start building the house and after agreeing to pay $5,000 in earnest money which we would take out of the VA money that was supposed to be coming, we received word from the VA that we would only be receiving $1,000 in compensation instead of the $12,000 we are owed. From what we could find out in the following weeks, this was due to a clerical error and we would have to file an appeal to get the mistake corrected. This all happened in late June. It is now late August and we STILL haven't heard back from them. We were supposed to pay the contractors $5,000 in earnest money before they would start building but because of our new financial development, they agreed to accept only $2,000 which we managed to pay but in doing so we have overextended ourselves and made ourselves completely broke and now our financial situation is in a bad way, AGAIN. We are supposed to be closing and moving in in mid October of this year but at this point we have absolutely no money to get a washer or dryer or fridge not to mention my boyfriend has 2 children and one of them will not have a bed to sleep in if we don't get this money but the VA is saying it may take 6 months to a year to get the problem corrected and get the money we are owed. Not to mention I have a litany of back problems and can't lift anything heavier than 10 lbs as per doctors orders. So, if we don't get this money then we will not be able to pay movers to move us nor do we have any family or friends in this state to help with the move and my boyfriend can't possibly do it all with his bad shoulder and working full time to make ends meet. To put it nicely we are royally screwed. We have sought help from a veterans service office but were told yesterday that because my boyfriend makes so much money and the fact that we aren't currently homeless that they wouldn't help us and we were laughed out the door. They however didn't take into account that a huge chunk of his paycheck goes to child support and the rest of the money goes to outstanding bills. This was our last chance at a saving grace other than buying a lottery ticket because our loan officer told us not to acquire any more credit otherwise there was a good chance we could lose the financing at closing and lose the house and our apartment at the same time because we have already put in our notice to vacate at the expiration of our lease. This means we couldn't apply for a traditional loan even if we wanted to or we risk losing everything. Again, we are royally screwed.

So my question after all of that is how do we know we are doing the right thing? I mean, are we being too greedy? Right now we are getting by, granted by the skin of our teeth but we have everything we need in the apartment we are currently in except for space. The whole reason we were looking for a house to begin with is because we are trying to get full custody of my boyfriends 2 children to get them away from a neglectful mother but right now in our apartment they are not only sharing a room but also a bed. The oldest is about to turn 11 and go through puberty and it is important that she has her own room and privacy from her younger sister once it starts. Plus no judge in their right mind will give us custody if they are sharing a bed when they stay with us. That being said, I do believe our intentions are good for wanting the house. However, if we don't have a fridge or washer and dryer, I would much rather stay in our apartment where we DO have these things. Regardless, we can't back out now as it is too late and construction has already begun. I just feel like we are being ungrateful for wanting this money but that money will pay for necessities that are required for a house. I had thought we were on the right path but with everything going so horribly wrong after going right I am now very confused on what God has planned. I feel like every time I do something right that I think God is telling me to do, it ends up going horribly wrong 2 seconds later. There are so many mixed signals and I don't know what to do. I've prayed and prayed then cried and prayed some more but still don't have any answers.

Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated. I've been doing my best to keep positive and not throw a pity party and encourage my boyfriend to do the same but it is getting harder and harder to do when even I don't believe the words coming out of my mouth.

kwikphilly

Posted 19 August 2014 - 07:23 AM

kwikphilly

Royal Member

Royal Member

4,746 posts

Blessings Alluvesscs 11

Welcome to Worthy.......I think other one has given you good advice & I agree whole-heartedly....I would like to suggest to you that after you have 5 posts,I think you will get a much bigger response by posting your "Need for Advice" in an appropriate forum,,,,tghis is really the Welcome Forum where members come to greet you & welcome you to the ministry With love-in Christ,Kwik

I just saw chloes post & there is no delicate way to say it...why would God bless what He forbids & has not been asked to sanctify?I will pray that you desire to do Gods Will

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 07:25 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

It's not that simple though i wish it were. We both just came off bad divorces and neither of us are ready to plunge head first into another marriage before we have spent some time together first to make sure we are right for each other. There's no point in getting married for the sake of living together just to end up in another divorce because we weren't ready or it wasn't right. Though we have been together for 2 1/2 years and living together for 1, we both agree it's not the right time with all the other hectic things going on and we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding if we even wanted to get married. We simply live together because I'm disabled and cannot afford a place on my own getting only $500 a month in disability which is barely enough to pay my bills.

chloe_fantastic

Posted 19 August 2014 - 07:31 AM

chloe_fantastic

Senior Member

Worthy Watchman

1,365 posts

It's not that simple though i wish it were. We both just came off bad divorces and neither of us are ready to plunge head first into another marriage before we have spent some time together first to make sure we are right for each other. There's no point in getting married for the sake of living together just to end up in another divorce because we weren't ready or it wasn't right. Though we have been together for 2 1/2 years and living together for 1, we both agree it's not the right time with all the other hectic things going on and we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding if we even wanted to get married. We simply live together because I'm disabled and cannot afford a place on my own getting only $500 a month in disability which is barely enough to pay my bills.

It is that simple. God says certain things are for marriage. He won't bless sin or disobedience, no matter how we try to justify it. A marriage licence is usually between 20 and forty bucks. Is that worth going outside of God's will over? If you've been together this long and still aren't sure, that should tell you something.

kwikphilly

Posted 19 August 2014 - 07:38 AM

kwikphilly

Royal Member

Royal Member

4,746 posts

Blessings Dear One...

I am sorry you are noht hearing what you would like to hear but that would not be very loving of me not to tell you the way it ifs,,,,Gods Way. It is that simple,,,,if you cannot afford to get married that is not an excuse to live together,,,,,,you are using your logic & not going by Gods Word & trusting Him,,,,,,if this is what God would have fo both of you then He will make a way......I do not know either of your circumstances,why you got divorced or anything but God does not approve of divorce except for some situations also......

Our hearts & minds are made of flesh & quite unreliable,,,,,,we must seek God & the Power of the Holy Spirit that we may have the Heart & Mind of Christ,then we walk in Spirit & in Truth With love-in Christ,Kwik

Hobbes

Posted 19 August 2014 - 08:51 AM

Hobbes

Junior Member

Junior Member

133 posts

It's not that simple though i wish it were. We both just came off bad divorces and neither of us are ready to plunge head first into another marriage before we have spent some time together first to make sure we are right for each other. There's no point in getting married for the sake of living together just to end up in another divorce because we weren't ready or it wasn't right. Though we have been together for 2 1/2 years and living together for 1, we both agree it's not the right time with all the other hectic things going on and we wouldn't be able to afford a wedding if we even wanted to get married. We simply live together because I'm disabled and cannot afford a place on my own getting only $500 a month in disability which is barely enough to pay my bills.

If you value your relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ and you value your lover's welfare in respect to Him, then you should not be sharing the same bed if you are really so trapped in that living arrangement.

1 Corinthians 6:17 But he that is joined unto the Lord is one spirit. 18 Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. 19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? 20 For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's.

1 Corinthians 7:1Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

Colossians 3:1If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. 2 Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth. 3 For ye are dead, and your life is hid with Christ in God. 4 When Christ, who is our life, shall appear, then shall ye also appear with him in glory. 5 Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry: 6 For which things' sake the wrath of God cometh on the children of disobedience:

Go to Jesus Christ for help as well as guidance in seeing your way out of practising sin.

1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.

Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. 13 Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do. 14 Seeing then that we have a great high priest, that is passed into the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our profession. 15 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 08:55 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

I just don't believe God would make me go forward into a marriage neither one of us was ready for just to get a house. I've made that mistake before and it ended up in divorce. He frowns on divorce just as much as he frowns upon unmarried couples living together. And I don't see us not being ready for marriage as a bad thing for our relationship but as a good thing. Dating someone is completely different than living with someone. You never know who a person really is until you've lived with them and had no one else to depend on except for them.

chloe_fantastic

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:08 AM

chloe_fantastic

Senior Member

Worthy Watchman

1,365 posts

I just don't believe God would make me go forward into a marriage neither one of us was ready for just to get a house. I've made that mistake before and it ended up in divorce. He frowns on divorce just as much as he frowns upon unmarried couples living together. And I don't see us not being ready for marriage as a bad thing for our relationship but as a good thing. Dating someone is completely different than living with someone. You never know who a person really is until you've lived with them and had no one else to depend on except for them.

So you've come up with a better formula for this relationship thing than God's, eh?

Maybe you could let Him in on it so He can tell the rest of us........

But joking aside, you can do it God's way, or you can do it the wrong way. He's given you clear guidelines according to His Word.......

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:32 AM

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:34 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

Now if anyone has any useful nonjudgmental advice I would be glad to hear it. It saddens me what passes for a decent christian these days. I joined this website for some Godly criticism free advice but it looks like i need to go to the secular side for that.

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:36 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

He is a lot more understanding and forgiving than people on this thread give him credit for. That's who he is to me. It would just be nice if people on this post could focus on that and not on my perceived sins.

chloe_fantastic

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:46 AM

chloe_fantastic

Senior Member

Worthy Watchman

1,365 posts

He is a lot more understanding and forgiving than people on this thread give him credit for. That's who he is to me. It would just be nice if people on this post could focus on that and not on my perceived sins.

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:51 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

Of course he does. Just not for the same things you think he does. In that case, I shouldn't even be alive to continue sinning because the bible also says that women who get divorced should be stoned to death which means I should be dead.

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 09:54 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

So if you think I'm sinning and disobeying God by living with my boyfriend then it would also be a sin of yours for not coming over here to stone me because i've had a divorce. If you were obeying God's word then you would come over here to do that so if not then stop judging me because you aren't obeying Him either.

Alluvesscs11

Posted 19 August 2014 - 10:13 AM

Alluvesscs11

Members

29 posts

Furthermore, the Bible says nothing about premarital sex being a sin. In fact, that phrase appears NOWHERE in the Bible, that is a christian phrase. The Bible itself says not to be sexually immoral which CHRISTIANS have daubed premarital sex as immoral. NOT GOD. The Bible then goes on to say that Jesus said we should get married to cleanse us of our temptation of sexual immorality but does not give a list of what is considered to be sexually immoral other than sleeping with a prostitute (I'm proud to say my boyfriend is NOT a prostitute) and committing adultery. If I were sleeping around with more than one man then yes, that is sexually immoral. The rest is open to interpretation on what is a sexually immoral sin and what is not. Considering the only one who can make that distinction is God himself and none of you are God, who here has a right to tell me I'm sinning at all?