Actually embarrassed by DD's behavior

While DD may be stubborn and throw a tantrum here and there she has never had a meltdown like last night. I got her ready for dance class last night and she felt like she deserved candy for getting ready nicely. I told her no and unleashed the beast. She literally screamed for an hour. I mean the screaming that makes her voice shake. Holy crud!

Every time I got her calmed down she asked again and when I refused it started all over. I was even going to try and get her in the car and just hope she calmed down on the way to dance but there was no getting her out of the house. She went limp if I tried holding her hand out the door and if I picked her up she started hitting and kicking.

She ended up missing dance (which made her cry some MORE) and everything but her bed was taken out of her room and stored in my room for her to earn back over the week with her bed tent only being earned back when she goes to dance next week with no problem.

So, yes, yesterday was the first time I was mortified by DD's behavior. There is no way our neighbors who go outside to smoke didnt hear the screaming, I had a call from the hospital to give me test results and there is not a spot in my old house that you couldn't hear her, and I just feel like I did something wrong that I couldn't get her calmed down in time to take her to dance which is already paid for!

She is typically a very well-behaved kid. On any given day my only gripe would be that it's tough getting her to clean up. While I would never wish that nightmare on anyone, please tell me I'm not alone!

Comments (17)

We never seemed to have tantrums, ever, yet have experienced a couple of complete and total 60-90 minute complete melt downs. It happens to everyone no matter how well behaved. Just be happy that it happened in the privacy of your home. If neighbors overheard it I will bet money that they too totally understand and have been there before. Our latest one was probably 6 months ago and although I cannot remember exactly what it was about, I do remember that it involved me physically holding the screaming banshee down for probably 45 minutes until she wore herself out enough to stop the kicking and screaming. With me still sitting on the floor in front of her bedroom door (both of us were inside her room, lights turned off) she eventually went to the other corner to quietly pout to herself before eventually coming back over to me and the two of us discussed what had happened, made apologies and forgave each other. I wasn't going to punish the tantrum other than physically holding her down to get it to stop because for whatever reason her brain reverted back to that primitive communication mindset that she obviously had zero control over. Her outburst was out of character and not premeditated on her part. She was not having the melt down out of spite, her emotions had taken complete and utter control over her and there was just no reasoning with crazy so I wasn't going to punish the crazy either. JMO, of course.

DD doesn't keep much in her room to begin with, it's all in her play room except for her princess vanity and a toy box of dolls and stuffed animals. It's the norm for us to let her sit on her bed in her room to calm down and she comes out on her own when she's ready. Sonetimes she decides to nap, other times she whines and gripes and gets over it in a minute. This time she went nuts and tossed everything around. In the past we've talked about how it's fine to be happy, mad, sad, etc. but it's never acceptable to hit, kick, or try to break things. Our standard after tantrum talk, which we had again after this meltdown. She knows why she had things taken away.

It's just crazy, she's normally very good about explaining how she's feeling so we can get passed these things but not yesterday. I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or what but it was definitely the first time I felt like I sucked at being a parent. It didnt feel right that she could act like that for an hour and literally stop out of nowhere and say she was done being naughty. She finished, apologized, understood that she has to earn back the toys that she threw around and then was perfect for the rest of the night. Kids, I don't get them...

our ODD has had meltdowns like this too, i am lucky and realize i'm tempting fate by saying she gets over them fairly quickly. but yes, sometimes they are scary how emotional and insistent and violent they get. this age is so much more intense than the two's. i think your punishment was completely appropriate for her behavior.

when my ODD acts like this i try to tell myself that her brain isn't physically developed enough yet to handle her emotions. when i think about it scientifically, sometimes that helps me to not get anxious about it.

I usually put my little one in her room and close the door, she cant get hurt in there. I let her scream it out when she stops I go in and make her take deep breaths. Than we talk about it, I ask her question like what made you so mad? why were you yelling? and then I tell her how it made me feel when she gets so crazy. We hug it out and let it go.

I have also heard that whispering will instantly calm them done because they have to be quiet to hear you.

isaanderson my dd has been saying i dont want to all the time i always tell her i dont care if you want too your GOING to do it!!! as for op i think we have all been there.... i believe in spanking and time out so they dont usualy last long because she knows she is going to get spanked if she keeps it up after time out... BUT i know not a lot of people believe in spanking which is fine.. to each there own... but i think we have all been there and it is emabrassing and you do question your paretning BUT rememebr you are ag reat mom and that no matter how well behaved they are they can have bad days or bad moments too... i know as an adult ive done things or said something and was like OH SNAP did i really say that..... just stick to your guns like you did and dont give in cause if you did she will continue to do it...

It was completely out of character for her on Tuesday when she had a meltdown in the grocery store. I just run in for a few things and had the double stroller. She kept messing with her little brother, so after multiple warnings I made her get out and walk.

This child shrieked louder than I have EVER. Heard. Anyone. Scream.She also scratched my arm until it bled. I had no idea what to do so i just went and checked out. She stayed right with me screaming all the way. I was humiliated. I know everyone probably thought I had hit her.

I think this just happens to everyone at some point be thankful you weren't already at dance! ;)

I guess it's different for me because I spank my kids...in public. I do not tolerate that kind of behavior no matter where or what the circumstances. Which makes my DS and DD less likely to act that way.

--

I feel as if I am becoming crunchier by the minute. You ladies are sucking me in. =) Oh did I mention I love it?!?

I tried that once when DD was having an epic tantrum. It just made her scream louder and more violently.

I find that ignoring works wonders. ODD has one of these at least once a day. I tell her if she wants to scream, fine, but she has to do it in her room. I put her in there and walk away. Usually she stops within minutes.

BTDT. My now 2 and 3 year olds will play off each others melt downs, whether or not we are in public or the privacy of our own home. If one child is upset then the other is doing ok, then they switch. It is never a dull moment and no one is ever 100% satisfied.