Government To Crack Down On Television-Ownership Dodgers

The government is to increase the funding of the persecution and espionage into the lives of deviants who do not actually have a television set, who are clearly a dangerous threat to law and order and normal standards of civilised behaviour.

"Being a Communist, an anarchist, a Yardie, part of a Triad or a member of the BNP, the Mafia or Al Qaeda is one thing" said a Ministry spokesman "And everyone is entitled to a political opinion. But no honest, respectable citizen who upholds any standards whatever of decency or respect for basic civilisation would dream of not owning a television set.

These people are clearly either perverts, extra-terrestrial aliens or psychopathic scum, intent on the overthrow of civilisation as we know it, and must be ruthlessly hunted down and exterminated. Our campaign of assaulting them with a relentless and merciless bombardment of hostile, aggressive and threatening letters and home visits will continue unabated and may even need to be intensified."