DPP: Big difference between 'benefit fraudsters' and 'fraudsters who benefit'

The Director of Public Prosecutions today emphasised that there is a vast, unscalable gulf between 'benefit fraudsters' and 'fraudsters who benefit'.

At a news conference today, he said that he wanted to spell out the difference so that the general public knows who to hate and who not to hate.

'Benefit fraudsters,' he said, 'are the scum of the earth. They are parasites who live off decent tax payers, spend all day on drink and drugs while transfixed by their enormous plasma tellies which they stole from old ladies, and father hordes of feckless children by any old slaggy chavs they meet down the Job Centre. They are vile, evil and under my new rules they will rot in jail for ever and ever while rats eat their delicate parts.

'Fraudsters who benefit, on the other hand, are decent, noble, upright, morally pure public servants who go about their selfless public duties for a mere pittance, seeking no reward other than to know that they have somehow contributed in a small way to the general good of humanity. Allowing them to claim expenses for homes they don't live in, together with a vast array of soft furnishings and enormous plasma tellies is scant reward for their years of selflessness.

'It is of absolutely no relevance that the Director of Public Prosecutions, whoever he may be, is appointed by the Attorney General, who himself is a government minister.

'The public must therefore hate benefit fraudsters and love fraudsters who benefit. Anyone who doesn't will be labelled a benefit fraudster and treated accordingly.'