"Because, Katie...". Poor little Katie. When her stage mum got her into the ad, little did Katie know about her pointless lines ("What? In here? What? In there?") and unwanted pedophile appeal (cute little girl is flashing her tummy whilst balletdancing round the kitchen). And, of course, little did she know about the "good bacteria" and the "bad bacteria". Hang on, do we really want to know about BACTERIA in our drinks? Eurgh. Yuck-cult more like.

2. Jamie Oliver's Sainsbury ads

Oh yeah, Jamie is well pukka on our screens, every time, any day. Be it Mr Oliver WHIZZING over to his gran, WACKING a nice tart on her doorstep ("Hello Tiger") or young Jamie and his even younger henchmen taking a trip to the zoo ("You can't eat that, mate."). Better still, the Naked Chef also appears to be down with the lads an awful lot, advising them not only on chosing the perfect dessert ("And some Sainsbury ice cream..."), but also on their love life ("I've got that Italian BIRD coming round"). And don't even get me started on the Parrot Cafe range ! Innocent children are lurred into the maneating dephts of consumerism, fooled by painfully bright packaging and trolley races round the aisles with, you name it, Jamie Oliver. Now wouldn't it be really unfortunate if a trolley wheel came lose at a high speed and...

3. The Twisted Levis ad

It's disgusting. Hip young models pose at a petrol station, everything looks alright until they start twisting their limbs (and heads) in all sorts of directions. Now why would anyone want to be able to do that? What's it got to do with jeans if I can do a 180 turn with my index finger? Yikes!

4. The Dandy Warhols fuelled Vodafone ad

Indie bands and mobile phones may have somewhat of a history ("At the Link it's easy..."), but this one is just plain disturbing.
A festival queue. How hip. How trendy. How down to earth. Well, until the Vodafone chick grabs her phone. She's scarily hip, her age causes concern and she's definitely not likeable. Her "Hello! How are you?" comes in some bizarre "trendy" accent and sounds more superficial than Claudia Schiffer greeting you at last year's Red Cross ball. The Vodafone chick also appears to be a festival virgin. Who would wear a belt like that to a festival? Where is her tent, where is her beer supply? And more importantly, where are her mates? In her phone I assume. What a sad, sad world we live in.

5. The Orbit ads
...are a Trigger Happy rip-off. They're not funny, they're not clever. A man with a giant pack of chewing gum. So what? He's attacking an ice cream van. Bastard! He raids a chocolate shop. How nasty! Bis got it quite right when they campaigned "retain the right to rot your teeth". So there.