Uncle Ben's Blog

Halloween. The holiday-est of holidays. The time of year we turn a blind eye towards kids knocking on strangers’ doors asking for candy and/or hoping not to get taken. The holiday where every girl channels her inner escort and puts on the sexy Spongebob costume and then scoffs at the gentlemen when they don’t respect her for her brains while she’s wearing nothing but a handkerchief and an eye patch. The time of year where what seems to be a white minority dusts off their inner Klansman and puts on blackface. Blackface? Are you fucking kidding me? Look, I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but what in the name of Al Jolson is going on? Look, I get it. You’re attending what could be the social event of the season on Halloween Night. Everyone will be there. I’m talking about Carol, your drunk ex-gf with a propensity for Boone’s Farm, thigh tattoos and holding the record for dressing like Britney Spears for the 16th year in a row. Then there’s Greg, the dude from accounting that thinks it’s a good idea to wear a costume that can’t get him through the door it’s so fucking large and complicated. Nice costume, Greg! Thanks, I’m the ever-expanding universe. But inevitably there will be the guy or girl that thinks it’s a good idea to perfectly accessorize their Jay-Z and Beyoncé costume by completely covering their face, neck and arms with brown/black makeup. I’m not sure what goes on in their non-existent minds as they stand in front of the mirror going, “you know what my Eazy-E costume needs? A completely shunned, outdated, offensive, ignorant form of racism. Ah! Blackface it is!” Hey Uncle Ben, we aren’t trying to hurt anyone! What’s the big deal about blackface? Thanks for asking Bubba and Bubbette, let me edumacate y’all. Blackface in its origin can be traced back to the good ol’ days of the USA. You know, the mid to late 19th century. When we as a nation were doing our absolute worst in terms of race relations. It started as a way to represent blacks on stage and in minstrel shows because WE WOULDN’T ALLOW THEM TO REPRESENT THEMSELVES. Hey, Uncle Ben, it was a different time, how can you be sure it was a racist thing? With titles like “The Happy-Go Lucky Darky” or “The Dandified Coon”, I fail to see how that cannot be construed as at least mean, never mind racist as fuck. As we “progressed” as a society (hell we ended slavery, right? What else do you want”), blackface made its way into film and radio where, surprise, it was still a vehicle to mimic and mock the black culture. If you don’t know or can’t comprehend what I’m saying, just Google Image Al Jolson. Yeah, exactly. This kept going until the 1960s. The 1960s! We waited until the 60s to realize this shit didn’t belong. Oh wait; apparently not all of us got the message. I was surprised (was I though?) to see numerous Facebook posts blatantly flaunting their racist Halloween costumes for the world to see. And let me educate you dummies on this little factoid too: posing for a picture in blackface and not caring/realizing it will end up on the internet makes you dumber than your drunk-while-pregnant parents who forgot to instill any ounce of moral fiber in your racist ass. Look, I like Dr. Dre, Malcom X, Jungle man/woman, Orange Is The New Black person, Barry O. and the rest. I think those are all awesome Halloween costumes. You just don’t need to fully complete the costume by donning what is probably the most obvious of offensiveness in 2015. Hell, that was an obvious offense in 1923! So whine and complain all you want, fuckos. Talk about how the liberal media/culture is taking away your freedom to express yourself in any way you want. And by the way, I’m not saying you can’t do this. Hell, keep doing it if it means that much to you. If this is the pencil-thin connection to your fucked up ancestral roots that you can’t quite let go because it’s a slippery slope and if we can’t don blackface then next they’ll be after our guns and kids and our kids’ guns, then blackface away!! Besides without you and your new Flava Flav blackface Facebook profile pic, how am I going to know whom to despise? But I digress…