Friday, April 13, 2012

Obnoxiously Naked

Have you ever met someone whose nudity didn't make them the least bit uncomfortable...but it made you VERY uncomfortable? It's not their nudity that gives you the heebies; it's what they DO while they're naked that does.

(I can already tell I'm going in a different direction than what you're thinking.)

Some people treat the locker room like it's their own private bathroom. It's not! Trust me!I know you're used to letting yourself air dry and you like to put your make-up on before your underwear, but that's at home. In the locker room, we do things a little more discreetly. There's a more appropriate way to do your business. It's the Get In and Get Out system and it applies to everyone. Stick to the system!

If you're proud of your body and comfortable in your skin, then by all means, you should let it all hang out, in the proper setting, of course. I'd suggest someplace like a strip club or a centerfold spread or your kitchen.

Whether you have to rinse the chlorine out of your hair or get the Stank out, you go ahead and take that shower, ma'am. You've earned it. Nobody's stopping you. But when you're finished, please don't spend any more time naked than you have to. For the sake of your more self-conscious peers, please put your fracking clothes on! Nobody wants to hear about the mystery rash that showed up out of nowhere, we can't identify it and frankly it's really creeping us out. Get a cream.

I support the fact that you want to do a thorough job of drying off before you put on your jeans and head home, and I could handle the occasional streak, but the Mister Krabs impression...well...

It's a bit much.Don't you think?

(NOTE: This post originally appeared on the blog in August of 2011. Look at it as a refresher in case you had an inkling to spend any extra time on your private areas at the gym. Kthxbai.)

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Call me "Ishmael".

These are the absolutely true stories of Erika - wife, mother of three, and word ninja. When not writing wrongs or battling her nemesis, Dishes Galore, she enjoys poking people with sharp sticks until they make little squeaky sounds. *poke*