Tonight's American Idol update

Simon, Randy and Paula seemed to tone down the cruelty, and the producers featured more talent in the (thank God for small favors) one-hour episode of “American Idol” The Auditions in Memphis, Tenn.

Sure, no one called anyone a “Bush Baby” but it wasn’t without malice. You have to be a masochist to actually enjoy hearing the line “There’s nothing special about you.” The rest of us either welled up or filled up our Reidel glasses with a little more cabernet.

Paula “Pain Meds” Abdul was in usual form – though her word-slur quotient was decidedly low. Randy seemed to take less pleasure in the cognitively challenged, yet Simon viewed them as fresh bait.

But let’s be fair, Cowell and lob a little criticism in the other direction: Lose the “I’m auditioning for a Hanes commercial” white T-shirts. They show off your wee man-boobs. And could you stop acting like a cross between a randy Benny Hill and slack-jawed pervy Peter O’Toole in his the Oscar-nominated role “Venus”? Oh, and one last little question: how many times are you going to use the old “drunk wedding singer” analogy. Off you go, Simon.

As for the audiences, look forward to: Sundance Head – yup, his real name – who is the son of ‘60s one-hit-wonder singer Roy Head, and Melinda Doolittle, the backup singer with a lot of voice and too little confidence. Can you say underdog?

P.S. The lamest line of the night goes to Philip Tracy, who said: “I’m feeling a little tired today because my wife called me early to tell me she had our second baby.”