I refer to your official information request dated 27-June-2016 for “a full copy of DCC Chief Executive Sue Bidrose’s speech and overhead slides presented to the public meeting hosted by the South Dunedin Action Group on 20 June at Nations Church, King Edward St.”

The following report by Anna Johnson shows that very little was done [public consultation] in 2014. In fact only 17 people turned up to the DCC workshop in South Dunedin and their Appendices show that less than 10 people commented on their draft natural hazard policy.

I did wonder.
Jinters gave a bright breezy “Kia ora Elizabeth” as I stepped into the Council Chamber today. A changed woman.
Ah! Daaave was back from China.

And this:

Email received from ‘Senior Communications Advisor, Communications and Marketing’, Dunedin City Council

Subject: Media release – DCC welcomes global coalition on climate change
The international Compact of Mayors – which the DCC has committed to – has joined forces with the European Union Covenant of Mayors to tackle climate change. The new Global Covenant of Mayors for Climate and Energy will be the world’s largest collation of mayors supporting voluntary action to combat climate change and move to a low carbon economy – a coalition the DCC has welcomed.
More details are in the attached release.
This will also be sent to media shortly.
Best regards

Dunedin (Mon, 27 June 2016) – Dunedin City Council has welcomed the international Compact of Mayors joining forces with the European Union Covenant of Mayors to tackle climate change. The world’s two primary city-led climate change and energy initiatives last week announced they will combine efforts and leadership to accelerate climate action at the local level across the globe. The new Global Covenant of Mayors for Climate and Energy will be the world’s largest coalition of mayors supporting voluntary action to combat climate change and move to a low carbon economy.

Dunedin City Council last year passed a series of resolutions aimed at addressing climate change, including a commitment to the Compact of Mayors.

Mayor of Dunedin Dave Cull says, “I am pleased to see the Compact of Mayors join forces with the EU Covenant of Mayors. The coalition recognises the need for significant and urgent action on climate change and allows for greater collaboration between cities across the globe to achieve this. This strong, global agreement also demonstrates that climate change is now a core issue for communities throughout the world. On my recent visit to China, civic leaders from Shanghai, Qingdao and Qingyuan all acknowledged the growing challenges to their cities of climate induced inundation of one type or another.”

As a Compact of Mayors signatory, the DCC has already committed to measuring greenhouse gas emissions, setting and reporting against reduction targets and adopting an action plan. Mr Cull says work is already underway on achieving both first and second year compliance within the first year of commitment. This involves completing a community-wide emissions inventory and identifying vulnerabilities and hazards. The next steps will be meeting third year compliance which involves developing strategic actions to reduce emissions and adapt to climate change.

“The DCC is committed to mitigating the effects of climate change. We’ve taken a number of significant first steps in this direction in recent times including divesting our shares from fossil fuel companies, agreeing to gradually introduce electric vehicles to the DCC fleet, investing in more active transport and adopting an Energy Plan just to name a few. As we move into implementation of our Energy Plan and the setting of our Compact greenhouse gas target, we will be doing so as part of a network of cities committed to action on climate change.”

The Covenant of Mayors was launched in 2008 by the European Union after the adoption of the 2020 European Union Climate and Energy Package.

The Compact of Mayors was launched in September 2014 by UN Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon and UN Secretary-General’s Special Envoy for Cities and Climate Change Michael R Bloomberg.

Both initiatives have supported participating local governments in setting ambitious climate reduction goals, taking ambitious action to meet those objectives and measuring their progress publicly and transparently.

The new single initiative builds on the commitment of more than 7,100 cities from 119 countries and six continents, representing more than 600 million people.

With the proliferation of cycleways around the world and the new conclave of mayors all tilting like Don Quixote at the climate, none of them obviously having read of King Canute’s bureacracy inspired attempts to stop the tide on Hastings beach, I hereby offer a new declension of a group of city mayors.

An inanity of Mayors.

Let us hope we do not get an inane one in October!

—

Posted by Elizabeth Kerr

Election Year. This post is offered in the public interest.

*Image: funnyjunk.com – the side that is far. Day 14. The penguins still haven’t realized I am in fact a polar bear. Gary Larson.

Ms X leaps to her feet, bubbling, Sand, Sand, oui are supposed to be contemplating sea level rise, greenhouse gases, less car parks, cycleways, sustainable seaweed collecting on and on she blubs.

Non, sayeth le Comte, it is low tide and so we are discussing Sand. The sea level is obviously low and if we are very lucky and the discourse and tears do not take long to dry we will harvest le Coquille.

More importantly, Sand has had a huge influence on matters of the DCC this week including the theft of 152+ cars, the stuffing up of the South Dunedin cycleways, the inability of the managers to monitor the mud tanks cleaning and the failure of the Portobello pumping station.

Ms X, not daunted cries, but sand had nothing to do with that!

Oh yes it did says Le Comte.

And I will demonstrate.

He grasps a small bucket and strides purposefully out to the seagrass at the waters edge. Ms X what do you see?

Ms X- I see a lot of healthy seagrass.

Le Comte- “Do you not see the designer of the cycleways?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the designer and purchaser of le traffic lights and left turn lights?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the managers of the many receivers of the 152+ cars?”
Ms X- non
Le Comte- “Do you not see the manager of the Water and Sewage departments?”
Ms X- non

Le Comte says well have a look at this- He scrapes the sand away and there appears a cockle (coquille). See he says, the head in the Sand!

All of these represent many of the DCC employees, heads in the sand. Coming up every day for sustenance and when the questions are asked by Crab(by) Bev, they slide beneath the sand again.

But says Ms X, I do not see “Cull de Mayor” there.

No says Le Comte, that is him running along the beach, feathers billowing, as a very stressed large Ostrich scoots along the foreshore!

No not only is there no weight, but also no taste, no colour, no nutrition and no hope of any for 15 years and lets hope no right of renewal!

Question Der:

Postulate: In a letter received Tuesday last, a Miz Dr, Prof. Mc El Hone suggested that the main reason for de sea level rise is now steam.

Steam is gumming up the atmosphere and so the cold weather we have been receiving lately is now unable to get away causing bloody cold weather now described as “Global Cooling”.

Dr Professor Earl, Count and Pons Hagfish, the owner of a large number of scenic hotels in de districk and manager of a number in serious question in de Pacific has written and questions the Comite’ thus: My business is suffering, all of my marketing and advertising has been geared towards the concept of Dunedin and the Peninsula as the new Sunny Gold Coast. Sunny because of the “Global Warming” mantra and Gold coast because the expected sea level rise would take the shoreline to Clyde, the Shotover river and Bendigo abandoned goldfields!

Now your Comite’ is debunking the sea level rise as a giant furphy and that the climate is actually so cold as to suggest “Global Cooling” I am now forced to market Dunedin, as in the past, a place where refrigerators are not required, a meat safe will do!

This is a huge capital saving for Scenery hotels, as we do not have to place a minibar in each room and if we leave out the window glass the meat never defrosts! Wines are cold and at room temperature of -20 degrees, no ice machine is necessary.

There are some problems however.

Patrons are found frozen stiff in the hallway and in the foyer. Ice skates are necessary for trips to the car park. Chains are necessary on delivery trucks and cabs to and from the airport. The planes have skis and the pilots wear balaclavas.

In order to improve this I have a very important and well considered plan to eliminate “global cooling”.

M’sieur Rollande de Gurgelars, VC and Public bar, International medaille D’ore, Croix de G.U.R and house bar stands with open hands and speaks.

M’sieur de Hag-fish, your commente’ is much desired, your wisdom and more importantly your desire for a quid are legionarre’s disease throughout Aotearoa.

Please sally forth and unburden yourself.

Hag-Fish replies, Le Comte, Sally was the fifth, not the fourth, but not to worry, I will commence from the finish.

We the Secenery Circle propose that a law be imposed, firstly on all households in the greater Dunedin area including Kate Wilson’s fiefdom and Cr Noone’s rurality, Cr. Hall’s trucks and Mayor Cull’s uncleaned mudtanks, to ban, eradicate, censure, drop off the perch and if necessary obliterate and immolate all items which could be roughly described as Kettles.

Kettles will include any item capable of boiling water to steam, whether working operational or not! This includes but is not limited to Railway Steam Engines, Pots, Pans, Kettles, Hot Water cylinders, Zips, Teesmade, Coffee machines, Lawrence Yule and headmasters.

Headmasters?

Oui, they are always letting off steam, particularly the dean of Kings High.

In this way, we believe that the absence of steam will enable the cold air around Dunedin, Christchurch, Wellington and Auckland to escape and we can get back to comfortable “Global Warming” and Dunedin can be the Riviera of the southern hemisphere again, just like it was in February. Our marketing campaign featuring bikini clad sealions, brown skinned natives, (cabbage) Palm trees, Coconuts etc. will again be relevant and we can turn on the air conditioning at Forsyth Banned to ensure noone dies of heatstroke!

Le Comte Rollande de Gurgelars VC and Bar, Croix de G.U.R, Medaille d’or called the meeting to order Wednesday the 18th May.

Please provide the names’

Rollande!
Jacqueline
Aaron

Merci!

Thees is de first meeting of the International Measuring committe for zee analysis of zee sealevel in Otago Harbour and possibly South Dunedin. Therfore there are no minutes and no matters arising!

Correspondence:
We have received a stern letter from “Cull the Mayor” advising that he will be appointed chairman of the committtee on his advice.

What should be our response?
Aaron- “Tell him to piss off”
Jacqueline, a frenchwoman:- We have been appointed by a joint International consortium contaIning a large number of scientific orgamisations including The UN and the Nobel committee!
Rollande- Well thank you, I told him that the meeting was yesterday and gave the GPS readings as ten miles off the Chatham coast, I believe it is called le Chatham Rise.

Have you heard from “Cull de Mare” ?

Non!

Sacre Bleu, he may be gone!

Aaron- Amen!

New Business:
Le Comte -We have identified a strategem!

We have seconded a fisherman at le Port Chalmers and a well known resident of Otakou as our scrutineers to daily take le sophisticated measuring devices to zee sea at two fixed places not to be advised due to possible sabotage’ by persons unknown of Le Octagon.

Vee have also purchased two sets of our sophisticated measuring devices to transport under secret at the dead of night to the scrutineers.

Aaron. Can we view the devices and be show zee workings?
Le Comte’s eyes narrowed slightly.

Jacqueline softened the mood by quickly asking “Have vee kept within the budget?”

Le Comte advised- Le Budget is £2 or $NZ – approximately $NZ4

Jacqueline- So are we within cooee? (Jacqueline spent some time in Sydney)

Le Comte- “Whilst this is a commercially sensitive number, I can advise that we are well within budget, but keep it to yourself, it might embarrass the Octagon, Staff’s heads might roll.

Oui- Le Stick! Cut from a sycamore nearby, so sustainable which should bring down huge praises from le Jinty.

le Comte announces- We will meet again next week to determine our stragedy with special attention to tidal matters. I will advise “Cull the Mayor” as to the GPS numbers, but they will probably be someway west of Milford Sound, if the Homer tunnel is closed.