Ryan

“Hello!” beams Ryan as the ululations subside, “and welcome back to Graven Idol. Before the break you got to see Enlil perform ‘Ripening the Harvest,’ followed by Raël’s interesting take on ‘The Driving of the Infidel from the Lands of Our Fathers.’ Next up, let’s see what Molech’s got for us!”

The spotlight picks out a lopsided red clay figurine. His priest scuttles onstage, sets fire to a little pool of lamp oil, and dunks a baby in it.

“Okay!” says Ryan. “Judges?”

“That was really something special,” sniffles the one who’s usually a mean drunk.