Snake bites Adarsh Liberal; after 3 days of excruciating pain, the snake dies

West Bengal: In a strange incident that has shocked the scientific and snake-charmer community alike, a liberal social activist by name Sankeern Shankhpushpi who was bitten by a King Cobra has not only survived the incident but the snake which had bitten Sankeern has instead died an agonizing death.

While twitterati is comparing this incident to Chuck Norris or Rajinikanth jokes, but people who closely know Sankeern are not very surprised. Dr. Jasjeet Jagan one of Sankeern’s close friends revealed some previously unknown facts about him to media:

The snake was healthy and normal before he got in touch with the Adarsh Liberal.

“Sankeern is full of venom .. he’s a zehreela insaan in other words. And I don’t mean the venom which he spews on main-stream or social media for liberal causes, but literally his body is full of venom. When he was just 8 years old he was abducted by some people from a strange “cult”. He stayed with them for 5 years before returning to normal life. While he was in captivity they forcibly drugged him with very slow quantity of snake venom on a daily basis. When he returned back to normal life he had to continue that dosage to survive. Even till date he takes weekly injections of a distilled snake venom to survive. Hence when the snake had bitten him that day, he remained unaffected but the Snake could simply not bear the reverse intake of so much poison and died a painful death.” – Dr. Jagan said.

When asked on how is Sankeern able to survive with so much venom in his body, Dr. Jagan outlined a few medical facts – “Venom a.k.a. poison acts like a narcotic drug; it is highly addictive and it keeps your body stable if you periodically intake significant dosage as Sankeern does. However like other narcotics it has its side-affects as well, such as intoxication and hysteria.

So when he is ferociously advocating for spread of minority religions as opposed to spread of Hinduism, when he is fighting against ban on one particular type of meat and advocating consumption of other types of meat or when he is redefining secularism in new ways everyday as it suits him, he is just behaving under effect of that narcotic, that venom. All in all poor Sankeern is just very-very sick. A sick poisonous guy. All he needs is love and care.” – Dr. Jagan concluded wiping is tears.

Although Sankeern has rejected all requests by scientists to do medical tests on him and has secluded himself at his Mumbai penthouse, he has actually agreed to bite another snake, this time on national television, to prove his venomous talents. However many of those who have seen him “fighting” for liberal causes on TV panel debates and on twitter have requested him to spare another innocent snake’s life as they are already clear on how venomous he can actually get.