... I don't know why some people think every thought that they have needs to be spoken.

I don't know why some people even have such thoughts!!

Many cultures place a high value on boy children. It's understandable that people brought up in those cultures would "have such thoughts."

I was once, after being congratulated on my daughter, asked if we would be trying for a son next. Um, no. She's perfect.

In all fairness - I don't think that whoever asked this (as inappropriate as the question was) was necessarily indicating a preference for boys. Parents of single-sexes (i.e. one or more children of the same sex) are routinely asked this, as though a family is somehow incomplete for not having children of both sexes. It can happen just as easily when the parents have one or more boys, and no girls.

... I don't know why some people think every thought that they have needs to be spoken.

I don't know why some people even have such thoughts!!

Many cultures place a high value on boy children. It's understandable that people brought up in those cultures would "have such thoughts."

I was once, after being congratulated on my daughter, asked if we would be trying for a son next. Um, no. She's perfect.

In all fairness - I don't think that whoever asked this (as inappropriate as the question was) was necessarily indicating a preference for boys. Parents of single-sexes (i.e. one or more children of the same sex) are routinely asked this, as though a family is somehow incomplete for not having children of both sexes. It can happen just as easily when the parents have one or more boys, and no girls.

They're from a culture that values boys far more than girls. They're very nice people, and fairly Westernized, but the way he said it he wasn't joking. He was serious. My husband and I just laughed and rolled our eyes afterwards. We're one and done.

I had to smile as when I had my boys, I heard the opposite. They said was I sad that I didn't have a girl! I told them of course not! I love my boys and wouldn't change them for anything. I hope she won't make any more comments like that and truly enjoy your little girl. Hearty congratulations on her!

I think the issue here is that there is a difference between "too bad it isn't a boy" coming from somebody who comes from a culture where boys are more valued no matter what, and somebody who might due to other reasons (say, a pile of girls in the family) say something like that just because a boy would be different or something along those lines. I think there's two different threads going on here.

The first would be my hill to die on. The second I could laugh off, depending on the situation.

The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I wish I'd gotten to meet all 4 of my grandparents, but my paternal grandfather died when my Dad was so young he really doesn't remember him, and my paternal grandmother died about 10 years before I was born. But my maternal grandparents were great, very involved, and apparently felt that retirement was to be spent travelling and spoiling the granddaughter. :-)

Logged

What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I'm sure there is a wide array of how involved grandparents and great grandparents are in the lives of individuals. I only got to know 1 grandparent and she did have an affect on my life. My mom is in her 70s and has a very close relationship with her great-grandchildren.

The fact that it's great-grandma here makes it less bad for me. Firstly, because I think the generational thing does come into play here. In her day, attitudes were different, and the inability to change them isn't evidence of a lack of love. My grandmother, who is probably the same age, always gave boys/men in our family better cuts of meat. That's just how she grew up. In lots of other ways, she showed me that she loved me, so I didn't let it scar me.

Secondly, how many of us really remember our great-grandparents very well? How many of us are shaped by their attitudes toward us. If it was grandma, it might be more important to make a stand here, but unless GG is relatively young, DD is unlikely to ever remember anything she ever said.

That's not necessarily true. I had a great grandmother who lived until I was in my early 20's.

I'm being genuinely curious here, not sarcastic, although I can't work out how to write this without making it sound sarcastic.

How involved was she in your life? Did her attitudes or opinions form any part of your identity?

I had a great-grandmother until I was 16 (I know that's a number of years difference to your situation), and I can't say that she had much to do with forming those things in my case.

I'm sure there is a wide array of how involved grandparents and great grandparents are in the lives of individuals. I only got to know 1 grandparent and she did have an affect on my life. My mom is in her 70s and has a very close relationship with her great-grandchildren.

I get that individual situations can vary widely. On the whole, though, g-grandparents will be less involved and have less impact on the lives of g-grandkids.

I have been pregnant with 4. 2 singletons, 1 twin pregnancy. This will be my 2nd child (and the surviving twin). The only responses I have gotten to "it's a boy" are...

"Oh""That's a shame""Too bad""Oh, maybe you'll get a girl one day"(#1 is a boy as well)

These are of course, stranger comments, because my family is well aware that I lost 2 pregnancies. I wish people could stop to think that perhaps the gender is the least of many worries for some of us.