Who knows how long the server gods will favor us with uptime, but Thor’s wife, Elsa Pataky, got a little firm in the nips when she heard technology fails could not forever triumph over funbag exhibitions and we were back up and running.

In return for Elsa’s headlight excitement and the return to 1997 standards of website uptime, I have vowed to triple my efforts to bring the best in celebrity sextastic coverage, provided it won’t send me to prison with labels that will get me split open from an uncomfortable end and that it not take, you know, any more work. The NFL season officially begins tonight. I can only dedicate so much resources in the Fall to non-NFL watching time. I’m only human. Enjoy.