We’re past the midway point and on the downslope of this experiment in human suffering. So in honor of being over the hump, let’s get under some humps. HA. I THINK THAT WAS FUNNY. I DON’T KNOW. I STOPPED FEELING AROUND DAY 4. OK COOL. LET’S MAKE IMAGINARY PEOPLE HAVE SEXFUCK NOW.

I think we can all agree the movie made some unfortunate decisions in all areas. Like Laura Linney and Hot Karl, or keeping Emma Thompson and Alan Rickman together.

But we armchair screenwriters could obviously put together some far more suitable pairings. SO LET’S DO THAT. In something I’ve been holding on to as an in-case-of-emergency post (and with a tiny human at home with me who’s had a 102 fever for two days and no sleep for either of us, this classifies as an emergency), it’s FAN FIC TIME!

Take to the comments and put together your preferred pairings (or threeings or fourings—let that freak flag fly). Pairings such as:

Garbage Colin and President Billy Bob

Andrew Lincoln and his sweater

Laura Linney, Hot Karl, and a robot Laura Linney to answer phones while the other two bang, because the robot uprising has taken so much in this movie, THEY CAN GIVE US THIS ONE THING.