No New Year’s Eve party would be complete without a toast of bubbly after the ball drops. In fact, making sure you have a glass of the bubbly seems to be an essential selling point for bars and event spaces when trying to seduce you into spending that precious moment that only happens once a year with them. Of course, you’ll pay for it…exorbitantly. But never fear, they’ll throw in a glass of Champagne for free…or will they? I’m 99% confident they won’t.

The vast majority of wine drinkers are well aware that the term Champagne strictly applies to the sparkling beverage made in the traditional method that comes from grapes grown and fermented in the Champagne region of France. The vast majority of wine drinkers also don’t care when someone calls any sparkling wine, “Champagne”, and honestly, could most people tell the difference? In fact, anyone who corrects someone using the term “Champagne” inappropriately in casual conversation such as:

“Do you guys want some Champagne?”

or

“I just loooooove drinking Champagne!!”

…can rightly be referred to as ‘pedantic’ most politely or any other word of your choosing if you’re feeling more comfortable in that social setting.

However, there are specific times where choosing the correct wording matters. In regards to NYE, let’s zero in on one particular facet that sets Champagne apart from other sparkling wines outside of where it is grown and produced: On average, it’s much more expensive than any other kind of sparkling wine. When someone is advertising something and then it turns out they’re really giving you a much cheaper product, we don’t call that a cute colloquialism mix-up (or a “generic trademark” to be technical). We call it fraud.

The stupid thing is that if you put on your advertisements what you’ll actually be serving (Cava, Prosecco, the generic Sparkling White Wine, or even just good ol’ bubbly)…people will still be interested. Plenty of people like other sparkling wines just as much if not more than Champagne. Will it sound as classy as using the term Champagne? Probably not. But quite frankly, if you need to lie about your event to make it sound better than it is it probably wasn’t going to be that classy anyway. It’s not unfair to question whether if you ordered a gin martini at a place like that, would they actually give you a lower priced vodka martini but charge you the same price as they would for the gin martini?

I see no reason why consumers couldn’t ask for a refund if they were offered Champagne included in the price they paid and then they got something that was valued less. In fact, I would encourage people to do so if they find they’ve been intentionally misled with regards to wine. Alternatively, since it’s safe to assume most places advertising “Free Champagne” will not be giving you Champagne, let that color your decision a bit as to whether you want to plunk down the money for that particular establishment. Assume it’s a half-glass pour of the cheapest Prosecco they could find and see if you still value their offer the same way.

Are you one of these guys? No? Then you can’t sing Auld Lang Syne while drunk no matter what you say.

Alright, here it is; the only sparkling wine advice you’ll need for New Year’s Eve. It’s all about the science of bubbles!!! Science Friday, one of my favorite podcasts had chemist Richard Zare on to discuss the persnickety peculiarities of bubbly beverages. Despite the overly-liberal use of the brand name “Champagne” (Remember all Champagnes are sparkling white wines, but not all sparkling white wines are Champagne.) this was a fantastic episode with numerous tidbits that you can use to tantalize your NYE cohorts. Take special note of Ira’s suggestion of a pickup line.

Oh, and what sparkling wine should you get this year? Apparently, sparkling red wines are trendy right now (Gamay, Pinot Noir, and blends mostly). So there you have it. I just knew something trendy.

Enjoy this and have a wonderful end to your 2012: The year the world didn’t end. Again.