Rumored ED exam likely to rub male patients the wrong way

It was simply impossible to ignore a story with the headline, “If you go to a doctor for Viagra, will your penis get wanked by a nurse?”

This installment appears in a new series in Nikkan Gendai (Nov. 6) titled “False or True?” Think of it as an update of “Everything you always wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask.”

It seems, the tabloid reports, a rumor has been circulating that men who visit physicians to request a prescription for the popular erectile dysfunction medication are required have their condition certified in a most peculiar manner. This involves entering a cubicle with a nurse, who will slather lotion on their procreative member and manually attempt to burp their one-eyed worm.

Now before you scramble for the phone number of your friendly neighborhood urologist to request an appointment comes the bad news: the nurse who performs this “examination” will be male.

That’s enough to give ED to any red-blooded heterosexual male.

It also raises another valid question: Are hand jobs covered by medical insurance?

Actually says the source, Pfizer’s baby blue virility vitamins will be dispensed by the doc merely upon a consultation, with no touchy-feely examinations involved.

“I think makers of rival nonprescription tonics or elixirs started circulating the rumor of compulsory penis massages around 1998, when they first perceived a threat from Viagra,” the journalist adds. “Then after that the rumor began making the rounds.”

He added that about 70 percent of the ED “medications” currently being used in Japan are estimated to be pirated varieties. (K.S.)

Note: Brief extracts from Japanese vernacular media in the public domain that appear here were translated and summarized under the principle of “fair use.” Every effort has been made to ensure accuracy of the translations. However, we are not responsible for the veracity of their contents. The activities of individuals described herein should not be construed as “typical” behavior of Japanese people nor reflect the intention to portray the country in a negative manner. Our sole aim is to provide examples of various types of reading matter enjoyed by Japanese.