For a happier future, let go of the past

The fastest way to feel more content with your lot now: Stop thinking about what might have been—it only fuels discontent. “Look at what you have rather than what you don’t, and your life will begin to take on more depth,” says Dale Atkins, Ph.D., a psychologist in New York City. The tips below can also help you make peace with your mistakes.

Grab a pen and follow these steps:

1. Pick a decision that makes you cringe. Did you stay too long in a dead-end job? Marry the wrong guy? Whatever it was, jot it down.

2. Give yourself credit. Instead of denying that the situation ever happened, embrace the fact that you’ve gotten through it and survived, Atkins suggests. You might say to yourself, “I can live without my ex! I’m better without him!” Reminding yourself that you’re strong will help you move forward.

3. Cultivate compassion for the old you. Don’t berate yourself for a “bad” choice (“How could I have put up with that abusive boss?”). Ask what might have been going on with you at the time. It’s possible that five years ago, you didn’t realize you could nab a position at a better company. Remind yourself what
it was about the option that made it seem attractive back then (“I needed a job to pay the bills”). Once you have a better understanding of the person you were, you’ll have an easier time suspending judgment. You don’t have to love your choice to realize why you made it.

4. Reinterpret your past. Look at an experience you now see as unwise as a single event in a series of events that add up to your life. Then ask yourself what you’ve learned from the decision and enumerate the ways your relationships have changed as a result (“I met my best friend at that terrible job”). Smart or not, your choices have undoubtedly led to new people, passions and insights you wouldn’t have gained otherwise. In short, have no regrets!—Holly C. Corbett