My Relationship Status Doesn’t Validate My Opinion – Part II

Why are we lying to each other and saying that you must date a poor man in order to be happy? If you don’t have a man then you’ve somehow set your standards too high to find love? If he’s poor then he’s probably the one for you and you’re not giving him a chance.

The devil is a lie. I’m not down for no struggle love. Let’s be clear…this is specifically referring to dating. I’m not asking a man to take me to a Michelin starred restaurant, but it shouldn’t be out of the question for a special occasion such as an anniversary. I’m not against moderately priced outings. I’m pretty low key.

If a man makes $20,000 a year and is not in school, how is he providing for himself? Why aren’t you asking what his ambitions or dreams are? If he’s content working at McDonald’s with no dreams or aspirations of better, should you really be continuing down the path of poverty with this man?

That’s how women get d*ckmatized. We start spreading our legs and letting that good d*ck interfere with our judgement. Stop it sis! It’s not worth it. Trust me….I’ve been there and done that.

A good man isn’t defined by his bedroom skills. That is an added benefit of course, but if he’s that good, you need him to work the club scene/private escort scene to up his financial status and be able to provide for you. LOL.

Seriously though, I think that we need to stop deluding ourselves into believing that we could be happy dating someone who can’t afford to date you and you’re over 40. He doesn’t have to be rich because money doesn’t make a man but we need to be honest with our expectations and hold true to our beliefs. Struggle love at 40 is not cute. Want another visual? Your mama is 65, would you want her dating a man that became a financial burden on her and she’s close to retirement?

Nope.

So, why would you settle? Are there other factors that will make a man more attractive? Yes, but how can you get to know those other factors without dating? I remember about 8 years ago, my girlfriend was filing her taxes with her husband. It had been a rough year financially for them, but they had a mortgage and 3 kids. They had to rob Peter to pay Paul because she was only making $40,000 at the time and she told me that her husband made $14,000 that year.

She literally wanted to cry. They were married. They made a combined income of $54,000 and couldn’t afford the basics…utilities, doctor’s co-pays and gas to get back and forth to work. That kind of poverty does something to you. It breaks you. It changes you in ways that you never imagined.

Her life was worse off than when she was single. But, she’s not an anamoly. Too many women are settling for the sake of saying that they have someone. It’s cool if that’s what you want, but stop trying to sell the rest of the world on the importance of love and happiness if you’re completely financing your dating life.

I have to say this for those that think that I’m being harsh…I’m not. I’m not desperate for love. I have standards and more importantly I’m raising a son. I’m not asking any man to do what I wouldn’t expect for my son to do. Okay.

I also believe in equality. Women should pay for some dates too. I pay for some dates with Mr. C and although he pays for 95% of our dates, I don’t mind footing the bill sometimes. However, I am a gift giver and he gets a lot of gifts from me because I know and appreciate the fact that he is paying the majority of the time.

Once you get past the 4th date ladies, you should definitely be paying. Make him know that you appreciate his efforts and you are a contributing partner in getting to know him. Show him you’re worth the effort and the money spent.

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Published by Tikeetha T

A mother to a beautiful boy and a businesswoman. I am divorced and dating and I talk about everything from parenting,co-parenting, relationships, dating and social issues. Follow my blog at https://athomaspointofview.com/
View all posts by Tikeetha T

I agree wholeheartedly with your post. The only time I dated “poor” man [I put poor in quotations because, like you mentioned, men can be very rich in other ways] was when I was in college. We were both “poor”, getting our lives together, working and going to school ..so it worked at the time. BUT, I know that many men don’t even have the courage to ask a woman out when they are not financially able to spend a little money on her. They feel like less of a man. Sure, you can fall in love with a financially poor man, but love alone won’t sustain it.

Very good post. My husband was struggling when we got together (I had known him on and off for 10 years prior) but he was a hard worker. He was running a web host/development company and keeping it afloat when others were going under. We would order pizza, go for burgers and “cheapy theatre” movies. Neither of us were rich (I am on a disability pension). It was actually very romantic because we were quite honest with ourselves and each other that a) it was all we could afford and b) it was our style. And I tried to pay several times to no avail so I ended up cooking for him and baking things he liked.

Love it. The key was that you two were honest with each other. He had a dream and he may not have been rolling in the dough, but he did what he could afford and that is worth it. I don’t want a man with no ambition and I don’t want you to run up your credit to date me. That’s true love Lydia. Thanks for sharing.

There is so much foolishness and ill advice on dating, finding a man, loving a man….not an expert but if his values ain’t in check a woman is really hoping, praying and faithing in a man she has to “fix”. I stop assigning myself to fix/ manage projects with two legs a long time ago. We over 40. Come right or keep going. I’ll wait, happily. Great write Tikeetha! 🙂

Nobody in their right mind, from their 20s on, wants that!
I know that I didn’t – I have standards and stick to them! I wouldn’t put up with someone who can’t bring the same thing to the table / relationship that I offer – and I have high expectations of myself, first and foremost. If one can’t keep up and contribute, then keep on walking.

Whew! It’s rough on here today lol I honestly wouldn’t encourage women to settle and just marry anyone, and especially not because of good d*ck; that really can confuse some women. I guess I’ve never been in this situation at this age, so I might have a Polyanna view of it all.

LOL, nope. Everyone’s experience is different and all views and opinions are appreciated. When you find the one without going through a whole lotta drama you are blessed. My girlfriend met her husband when we were in college and they dated for 8 years until she finished graduate school and then got married. In January it will be 12 years of marriage. She would have a totally different view point as well which is understandable. A lot of women want that good and lasting love that they can trust, but sometimes it’s like looking through a laundry basket of dirty clothes for your favorite t-shirt and you can’t find it. Dating 2k16 sis.