Who’s Getting It Right #1: On The Upside With Mary J. Blige & Jennifer Hudson

Please note these are my observations of behavioral patterns from actions that have been revealed to the general public. I think the reading audience is savvy enough to understand that I do not know any celebrity I use as examples for these discussions. Whether it is in praise or criticism modern-day celebrities are akin to the “gods” of folklore on many levels and we can learn by their example.

Last week I discussed the ways some males who have not successfully been able to sustain a career or livelihood have taken the easy way out, using the gender parity advances fought for by feminism to entrap certain woman via children. They don’t limit themselves to celebrities as not all men have access to those women. It could be a college-educated woman or one with a more stable employment history who’d be permanently tied to a lesser-than (if not downright loser/DBR-type) through biology.

Despite the often whiny declarations by certain other loser-types about women being gold-diggers I contend the main culprits of duplicity are non-qualifying males. It is still a patriarchal society and the most successful ones require intact families. It is out of order behavior for males to rely on women as their meal tickets and main financial contributors.

If an alpha/dominant/wealthier woman decides she wants to flip the standard roles she must do so carefully. We have taken note of how women who adopt “masculine” traits have a harder time at sustaining long-term relationships (Madonna immediately comes to mind) and it may not be fair but requires a delicate balance and constant maintenance.

Before I get too far off topic for this post I want to discuss the transformation of two of the music industry’s biggest talents: Mary J. Blige and Jennifer Hudson.

Mary J. Blige

I’ve chronicled MJB’s recent charitable and social justice endeavors with the FFAWN and her PSA with NASA to encourage young girls (black girls esp.) to study STEM (science, math, etc). I wanted to remind the audience again of her work at uplifting an oft-maligned group.

MJB had a previous reputation of being difficult and an abuser of substances as well I believe. When she boldly declared No More Drama she meant it. Now she still dabbles with hip-hop and (c)rap recording artists but since that’s the genre she emerged from it goes with the territory. If you look at her transformation from hard-edged Ride Or Die chick via her 1st album to her now polished/softer image and more upbeat songs she has made a complete 360.

She’s married and a step-mother as well. Some gossip bloggers have referred to her husband Kendu Isaacs as Ken-don’t so one can only speculate if the relationship moves through general ups and downs or is indicative of something more serious. Either way MJB has and may continue with other personal changes to place herself in the most favorable position to partner with other prominent/dominant males if she so chooses.

She is a rock star who re-recorded U2’s song “One” with the band at their request –

Jennifer Hudson

We all know Jennifer Hudson’s story of the career achievement she’s amassed despite being infamously dismissed by Simon Cowell during her run on American Idol. We know of her triumph at winning an Oscar for her first film role. I enjoyed her portrayal in The Secret Life of Bees as well. We also know of the horrible tragedy that befell her family for cuddling up to a psychopath.

She was always the underdog who was on the cusp of winning it all and though she’s younger and has a different background I’ve always felt as if she was down to earth and the average black girl could relate to her (for better or worse).

Whatever Ms. Hudson has going on career-wise she decided to take a giant leap forward personally by becoming an endorser for Weight Watchers and dropping excess weight. Of course she looks fantastic, but she was already pretty. It seems as if her journey was one of self-discovery versus beating herself up publicly.

Now, I’m using these two ladies as examples not because their lives are perfect, but because they’ve consciously made efforts at dealing with painful family histories and making better choices. I am aware JHud has a child and is not married to her son’s father. I of course question the caliber of a Harvard-educated guy who winds up on a VH1 reality dating show and whether he might just be one of those male gold-diggers I wrote about in last week’s post. He has had ample time to step up, so perhaps she does not need to be tethered to a potential leech indefinitely. If she wants to expand her social and dating circle she is certainly in a position to do so as well. Heidi Klum had her eldest child out of wedlock as well and still managed to marry Seal so anything is possible. Especially when JHud is Feeling Good (and looks like a dream).

I'm certain if MJB decides her relationship isn't equitable she will make the necessary changes. I recall last year there were reports in gossip mags they got into a fight at a Sade listening party or some other event. Anyway, that's neither here nor there. As long as we're making the best choices and adopting the appropriate mindset so we attract and weed out who we need to is all that matters.

My daughter keeps me "in the loop" about celebs as I tune them out. David was a contestant on ILNY which has indications of an educated DBR all over it. I hope the best for Jennifer but only time will tell if the relationship pans out with David. OOW baby is very telling about the man's character or lack thereof. And when the substance is questionable then it's a crap shoot and Jennifer can do so much better than those current odds. We all have a past and people can change, so again only time will tell.

See you even know his name! He's just a nameless male sperm donor to me at this point as I cannot keep up with these serial impregnators. Perhaps he's different…but his actions certainly indicate the same mentality that we're warning BW against in choosing a proper mate.

You found the commercial! JHud looks so beautiful in this commercial and you can tell it was from within. Even when she first started doing the Weight Watcher's I didn't like them. Not because she looked different, just that the vibe seemed awkward…like Jennifer was uncomfortable. But NOW…wham! I'm hoping ole'boy is legit. If I'm not mistaken, he was around before the slaughtering of her family, so hopefully this will be long-term. But I agree, If she wants to expand her social and dating circle she is certainly in a position to do so as well.

Jacquie: The link is from Dick Clark's NY Rockin' Eve show which I think is even better than the new commercial. They did air in tangent with the show. I LOVE her version of Feelin' Good because she conveys the sentiment and embodies it in her life right now. I know the guy was around before the murders, but you know how it is for some women who'd feel "grateful" for the attentions of a certain type of male when he's just a good-looking predator who has scoped out her weaknesses? I hope there's a good balance in their relationship, that's all I'm saying. We see how some of our best and brightest settle for the most obvious losers.

its funny, while in the Navy, i was socialized to see women in two ways: either as a women (meaning chaste, obedient, and knowing her place) or a B**** (which was the opposite of the former). I realized the military took its cue from the larger society. this is where the gold digger idea comes from. The woman we might discuss is either a women or a ________ . it's an ill dichotomy. That's why that term "gold digger" is used all the time even when the "suitor" has none.

I like the examples you use. Blige is not perfect and has never come off like she is unlike many of her peers. She admits to her flaws. I love Hudson since day one and i don't even watch American Idol. To be honest, I think she is the one who calls the shots instead of a handler. I could tell that during American Idol or after, she has never gone off like Simon Cowl like she should have. She hasn't gone off on people who called her "lucky." That's class. I think that is the way she is.. I could be dead wrong, but maybe i might not be.

The woman or b*itch category is just another take on the madonna/whore dichotomy that women have been faced with. JHud has definitely been very careful about what she discusses publicly -- which is very wise. MJB has always been a bit of a "bad" girl so you're correct that there weren't expectations of her being "untarnished". Yet, she still decided to make personal changes that put her life in order in ways that are far more legit than the fake images created for her peers in the industry. People may expect dysfunction from her and she has opted for personal transformation instead. Unlike say….Kayne and the other idiots who continually spew their bile (and get away with it).