I have to admit that I skimmed past the part about your "two other encounters" - so, as Dinged asked, what does that mean -- exactly? Very incriminating that you didn't answer that question! So, if you actually did fuck this guy and only hinted to your hubs that you have feelings for him, without coming clean about what you really did, oh my you are a liar and cheater, too. I was, for some reason, thinking you were only putting L in a position of being the cheater.

**This is me wagging my finger**

I should have read more closely. Yes, you've been acting like an irresponsible teenager and that isn't cute at all. Nor is it poly. You can call it love, but it seems more like willful and childish spoiled behavior, just getting what you want. I suggest re-reading the posts others have contributed - Annabel's suggestions are spot on. You need to stay away from this guy and repair what your betrayal has done to your marriage before going any further into ethical non-monogamy of any sort. There has got to be some issues you weren't looking at for you to act this way. Dig deep and find out what they are, and work toward getting your integrity and self-esteem back by living esteemably from now on.