Forums

I think this was the villain in Nightmare on Elm Street, too. Ron's dismembered dong wastes no time in getting down to business, skull fucking, buttloving, and impregnating the cast into oblivion in between bouts of the heroes flailing about and squealing. Shy Nerd Guy, using the scientific method of frowning severely and steepling one's fingers together, deduces that the penis is obviously possessed by aliens and needs to get circumcized with an axe.

We don't get to see the dick itself for awhile, just watch its antics through a state-of-the-art "cocksye view" cam. But when we do discover that the murderbeast is essentially a rubber dildo that the actors chuck at each other wantonly, it is nevertheless a magical cinema moment that I will remember for the rest of my miserable life. Hell, it's only half as stupid as Cloverfield.

One Eyed Monster, thank Christ, manages to keep its tantalizing flicking tongue welded to cheek. The death scenes aren't explicit, and despite being sex-related manage to be miraculously less creepy than standard co-How could you not want to see this movie now that I've shown you this?!ed-in-lingerie-penetrates-self-with-own-spilled-intestines fare. The creepiest thing about One Eyed Monster is the guy who builds a high-tech celebrity anus simulator, but seeing as it's the sexless Nerd I'm more inclined to congratulate him for his ingenuity and be thankful he didn't use it to build a motorized foxtaur cock.