Monday, 9 January 2012

Celebrity Big Brother 2012: Tugboat ninny

Do they normally have a gym, or is it only on the celeb version? No wonder Nicola McCow never let her husband see her without her make up on, she's a total Boglin. Keep trowling it on!Nom noms! I know who's up which takes the joy out of it a bit but it's hard to avoid it each time.Frankie: 'I need to have a tug, especially looking at those twins.' Er... sex pest? Objectifying? Gross!So the twins are allowed to talk about noms cos they're as one housemate, right?Denise is nominating Georgia. Georgia is just the female Bobby Sable. Didn't we learn our lesson from him? Denise is upset that Michael hasn't asked her any questions about herself. Could it be that he doesn't care? Could it?Nicola coughs like a pig oinking. Keep them twins in! They've seen through Nicola's crap. They're complete arseholes, but I kind of like their robotic cruelty.Frankie's vote for Andrew was homophobic whether Andrew's gay or not. Frankie is nominating the twins in case he accidentally rapes them, by the sounds of things. Lovely.MM seems to only be happy when he's talking about himself and his wonderful career. Denise is right, he does take no interest in anyone else. He's funny sometimes, but I don't like him much.Frankie moaning about people asking to get their photo taken with him. That truly is reality TV eating itself.How can Nicola not be up? She's rotten.Georgia: 'there's something false about Andrew.' Hmm, what could it be?Romeo is doing 'mum nominations': nominating one woman for not washing up and one for being a slag (I'm paraphrasing). They're not showing nearly enough of him lately.It's interesting that a lot of people have said Andrew makes them feel uneasy. Bless him, he's got no self-awareness.Missing your kids, Nicola? Well, you know you can always shut the front door after you. *laboured*Are they allowed to talk nominations? They must be. I don't really admire Georgia's gameplay because what's the point of going in there and not talking to anyone? It's not good viewing. It's not entertaining. It's cheating us, the three viewers.I really hope MM doesn't nominate Andrew. Oh no, he did. Sad face. Same reason as everyone else. He's hiding something. What if he's not? What if he is just a bit insecure and attention seeking - and straight? What then?!!Andrew: 'when Natasha has a few drinks she gets quite loud and opinionated.' Heaven forbid. Frankie and Kirk the Crazy Frog do both objectify women. It's like they did work experience at Nuts magazine and never left.I feel sorry for Andrew. But I think no matter how many times you tell him he's this and that, he'd never listen. I feel like the 'baddies' have teamed up against Andrew due to the lax nomination talk rules.Didn't like Sonia dissing Andrew. There's nothing wrong with being ambitious. Where will you be next year, back with your trumpet going back out with a wife beater?Of all the annoying, self-obsessed arsehole people in that house why is Georgia up? It doesn't make sense.Ha, just noticed the twins have two-tone hair. Is that still fashionable in America? It hasn't been seen in the UK since the late nineties. Except on Andrew Stone.Georgia's body! I'd swap. She's got proper cartoon character proportions. She might be a hologram.Andrew Stone (have you noticed he's one of those people you can't refer to by first name alone? It has to be Andrew Stone, never Andrew) looks miffy-ied. He's having a little sulk, I think. 'It is what it is. What will be will be.' Oh dear, he's completely mentalz. I like this 'Video Games' song! This is the most mainstream thing I've liked since Coldplay.Michael is a backstabber! I'll never forgive him for this. Never! Andrew's (OK I'm breaking my own rule) profile picture is super, especially when he's going down a shame spiral.Romeo's coat looks like he's sticking his head out of a flower. Disturbing. I hate it when girls on these programmes show each other their plastic or otherwise boobs. Girls DONT DO THAT. OK, a friend of mine showed me her pierced nipples once. But I didn't ask her to.Andrew is taking this nomination REALLY well, isn't he? He's absolutely fine with it. Really. It's all good. I don't give a fuck.Andrew: 'I've been very giving, very loving and very funny.' WTF! Who talks about themselves like that? Lock away the knives, please.Nicola can take the piss out of Andrew all she likes, but I'd like to see her reaction when she gets put up.Andrew: talking about himself in the third person. Check. Referring to himself as 'Andrew Stone'. Check. Making a complete knob of himself: check. Him to stay, then! Save him. It'll really piss off the others, too. Win/win!

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I mainly like Morrissey, Bright Eyes and crisps. I am a magazine and web editor for a charity and I am in a book which won a prize but we didn't get paid. I've also got a novel out. If you like my blog, you might like it.