I need more lives for me to live
In this universe of beauty;
I plan more days to find new ways
Of doing freedom's duty.
I need not more joy than this
For I am life's dear lover;
And when I wage to turn the page
I'd never want another.
The glorious pledge of sunny Spring
With sweet June coming after;
Bring autumn sighs and summers cries
Lost in winter's laughter.
With virgin moons and scorching noon’s
And stars of a thousand nights;
I'd need no heaven if love be given
With all its sweet delights.
There are many splendors for the eye
And such music for the ear;
The mind would reel with all to feel
And see to touch and hear.
There's many ways to spend the days
And more to do what's kind;
For bread now cast on waters past
Returns again I find.
There are such gifted souls to know
And many more to learn;
While a promise rests in earth's warm breast
And unknown stars still burn.
In six days God made all the earth
The bible is known to say;
Six lives I need to plant a seed
Of love with one for each dear day.
But sad if love should fly away
Or hide his face from me;
Six lives aren’t much if I had such
But one’s all that need be.
With unhappy May and sorry June
Sad dawns and weary night;
A sorry world through space was hurled
When love had lost her light.

Dear Ex,
I know you and I had our differences.
We were always finding new ways to say I loathe you.
It was my blameworthiness that allowed the rain to enter your car,
because your window was down.
I’m sorry I didn’t carry my 9 months of pregnant girth,
down four flights of stairs, to the
outside parking deck, in the rain to roll it up.
It was my fault when the bank account was overdrawn by 6 cents,
due to paying all the bills on time.
I apologize for keeping the power turned on
so I could cook fish sticks and green bean soup on your salary.
It was my fault the car was always out of gas,
since I never drove it anywhere.
What could I do but apologize for that?
It was totally my fault. By the way, I met your supervisor.
Like when I forced you
to have an extramarital relationship with a co-worker
because of the weight I had gained.
I’m so sorry my Motherhoodness was so repulsive to you.
It also was my fault our marriage didn’t last longer than 3 years,
because I chose to be happy without you.
I do regret that almost never. Did I mention my promotion?
But let’s not be sad.
For all the hurtful comments I made about your manhood because,
I couldn’t think of anything nice to say. I’m sorry.
I regret that I didn’t save some of those photos for Ripley’s Believe it or Not.
I deeply regret having never told you I entered you in an ugly man contest.
Or that your third placement, won me an additional $5 gift card.
Did I mention my new job?
So Ex,
I hope this heart felt letter of apology
finds you prosperous and in good health.
Keep those support payments coming, and
Don’t forget to feed the kitty!
Love, your new boss

I washed my white lace tablecloth and hung it out to dry
The bleach did the best it could-it was worth the try
'Though no one else can see, the stain still remains
As old as time itself
Stubborn as mildew rot
One false step, one careless word forever etched in time
Travels the universe, endlessly
In search of a place to rest
What would I not give to reverse that step
To retrieve that hateful word
Tread lightly in your daily walk, o'er hills and valleys in between
Plot well your steps and weigh your words
So you'll have nothing to regret, like the
Unkind words carved deeply upon your heart
I wash my white lace tablecloth again, again and again!
~*~
10/09/2007

Alone in loneliness
Amid forever nights
And these four walls
In faint, whisper soft your name
I beg out loud to the nothingness that remains
"Please not another nightmare, no more storms"
But, answers are merely glimpses of light
From lightening...
Filtering through the pane
Empty sheets...
Cast empty shadows on the wall
Of places where you used to be
Eyes wide open
Now asleep, afraid I am to fall
Trapped within this never ending dream
I cling to all the memories that I have
Spinning me closer to where you were, in parallel on the edge
The thoughts, like imaginary rubble, comes tumbling passed
A fire for you still burning inside
Why can’t I let go of the tragedies last
And silence your unrescued suicidal screams
Or is it only the rain falling faster as it taps harder, and harder upon the glass
Or is it of your wandering spirit
Mockingly knocking?
Haunting with its vindications
Of "why’s" I can never seem to grasp
All this amidst lost stares into black windows
Where gutters overrunning, burdened by the strains
And I swear I see your reflection
Among the flashes, tracing out illuminations about your face
And for the first time
You are noticeably absent of all the worldly pains
And your lips releasing out a comfort that for so long I've been seeking
As I hear the words echo within my stormy heart "That where you are everything is okay"

You made the mistake and now,
your afraid to face this day.
Your thoughts are racing through
and through.
You wonder if your family looks at
you as a disgrace, but you'er mother
takes you and reasures, your very
much loved in grace.
Even though your much to young
for this breathing little thing this
has become.
You couldn't just throw it out
like it was a peice of trash.
So you grow up and take the
path that led you to your best
mistake for years to come.

High upon the highest heights
I see the most tremulous sight
A small girl, fair and tranquil
Smiling strangely, sitting still
Beneath a sobbing willow tree
She recites a verse upon her knee
She sings a rhythmic hymn
Not of death, nothing grim
But prays that life will return
Even for those who are doomed to burn
The girl is a woman now
Beneath the tree and upon the cloud
She whispers, “I am watching you”
Why then are you so blue?
A single tear of sadness and joy
Rejuvenate the quirky earthly boy
Who sits down beneath the blooming tree
Listening to her silent voice attentively
She reminds him she was once young too
That she also was a misty shade of blue
But when the boy grows into man
He has come to ignore the fair woman
Who watches him still from above
Burning and swelling with disdainful love
The ways of the world have sweltered his heart
And time has torn his soul apart
Thus he has lost all innocence and light
Battling his sinful lust—an endless plight!
I watch as he feeds on others’ pains and fears
Reducing the vigilant woman to tears
The prayer of the innocent has been ignored
Life has died and hellfire stored
Into the hearts of the impotent
In blue, fires of haze their heart is sent
Toiling in misery and lament
Savaged and severed by our regret
The heavenly woman grows old and frail
And the man still treads the sinful trail
As the rotting tree withers into dust
Can I revive it? –I must!
Low as low can possibly be
I watch myself condescendingly
A tombstone, gray and hell-bent
Frowning knowingly in bewilderment
Above the dust that once was a tree
She cries out a verse anxiously
Faintly she whispers the undying hymn
Not of happiness, nothing of whim
And prays that life will come to end
For those that break instead of bend

Karma was my best friend...
Until I fell for her deceitfulness...
She always had my back when others would try to harm me...
I would laugh at her and the way she would play with others emotions...
Not knowing that I would fall as one of her victims...
See Karma is mysterious...
I guess that's why she is perfered as a female dog...
She has no feelings...
That's why she always wins her battles...
Me and her never see eye to eye now...
I guess we're to much alike...
I also have no feelings...
Some may say that's impossible, being a human with no feelings...
Possible...
See, My mother is Sorrow...
My girlfriend is Pain...
My enemy is Fear, I have none...
I came in the world naked...
So Karma can't take anything from me that is rightfully mine...
So when I leave this Earthly Hell...
I will leave, knowing that I have won the battle that no one else has ever
Concorde...

Everyone thinks they can relate to me
but nobody really understands,
they lie just so you feels as if your not the only one with problems.
the only people that feel as if you do
are the ones that have experienced
what you have.
have you ever felt suicide flowing
through your veins?
or the sickness thats in your blood
it just drips out of your scars
and spreads to your fellow friends.
have you ever had a kiss of venom
from someone you cant have?
or the touch of someone who wants you
so much that they have killed
your heart all together.
not understanding yourself so you
go to your friends to council you,
then you just close your eyes
and forget all your feelings?
did you ever hold your tears in so hard
that your eyes start to burn?
or make out as if your smiles are
pretend?
it is easier than answering everyones
questions over and over.
what about when you see your desire
and your hands start to tremble and
tears fall like nothing before?
you try to imagine what life is like
but when you start it kills you
instantly.
your hell is my heaven
but im just an illusion of your god
and a prediction of the devil.
have you looked so hard that the star
has burnt a symbol in you?
no one cares about your life just whats
in it.
the talk can lead your head to desicions
you dont want to make.
but like you make your own thoughts
and everyone disagrees anyway.
if i could stop everyone
for just a second or a half
i would hate it to tell the truth
but for me to stop my own life
would be a pleasure.
they say listen to your heart but for me
its too late,
because my heart has already stopped.

Why would a 12-year girl want to die?
What would make a 12-year-old girl end her life?
Why would a 12-year-old girl want to say goodbye?
Now I lay here with an empty bottle of pills by my side.
It was just too much to hide.
My little brother found me on my bathroom floor.
He went screaming out the door.
The ambulance came and I heard voices fading away.
I can still make out what they say.
Why would a 12-year girl want to die?
What would make a 12-year-old girl end her life?
Why would a 12-year-old girl want to say goodbye?
Now I lay in a hospital bed.
He can’t hurt you anymore the nurse said.
Thank god the gun box was locked.
Now theirs a knock.
The cops came in and said my sister talked.
They said after what my father did he will never walk.
Why would a 12-year girl want to die?
What would make a 12-year-old girl end her life?
Why would a 12-year-old girl want to say goodbye?
He came in my room at night.
Something’s a child just cant fight.
Tired of living with this dirty feeling.
Tired of all together feeling.
Why Daddy Why?
Why would you make me cry, lie, and all-together die?
Why would a 12-year girl want to die?
What would make a 12-year-old girl end her life?
Why would a 12-year-old girl want to say goodbye?
Mom didn’t know.
She said it wasn’t my fault and beyond my control.
They said there were more.
They just were scared to come forward before.
Now I’m on the stand facing a child molester.
The lawyer asks my father.
Why would a 12-year girl want to die?
What would make a 12-year-old girl end her life?
Why would a 12-year-old girl want to say goodbye?
What did you do that was so bad that your daughter wanted to die?

I suck at dying poems
Chemo poems, Metastatic Cancer poems,
Hair falling out in the shower poems
And I told a half truth
When I told you I could write you one
In less than six months (It's been eight)
I apologize for being so late
I wanted your poem to be pink and graceful
Like those ribbons
I see all over the internet
Filled with cheesy generic rhymes
That read like a Hallmark audition
But already my metaphors are melting
And my similes are getting soft
I guarantee you the rhyme meter will be off
When I went to Google
And the typed in the word 'happy'
Three billion links came up
Not a single inference to
Breast cancer, hair loss
No redirects to mastectomies
Yahoo wasn't any kinder
The only thing research could teach me
Is that a good day on chemo
Is when your stool doesn't come out tar Black
And has no blood in it
Or when your urine
Smells better on Wednesday
Than it did on Tuesday
Sleeping less than 12 hours
When 24 would be better
America has more poets
Than it does alcoholics
And Pot smokers combined
And you chose me to be
Your Breast Cancer
Poet Laureate
Trusting me to write a poem
About the biggest battle in your life
So I refuse to finish this poem
Without something bright and hopeful
And don't think
I didn't notice your Facebook activity
Had decreased by 88%
In the last three months
And you aren't really
Coming to any more of my poetry shows
Ever again. Are you??
But we still have March, April
Don't we?
But even if you had one breast
Or no breast
Or if you had less hair than I do
I promise to look only in your eyes
And never ever even notice
Or even think about it
And never for a moment
Would I feel sorry for you
Yes I suck at lying too...
But I don't suck at loving you
Or at hoping you wake up tomorrow morning
With no Cancer at all
And that The Eiffel Tower will be right outside
Your bedroom window...
And I would be right there with you
Holding your hand while we look down on Paris
And you can impress me with your French again
And if I ever make it
To the Pulitzer Poetry board
I might lose a thousand points
Just for this poem alone
And my hopes for the prize will be smitten
And some old person
With white hair will say
That was the worst love poem ever written

i kill your
ambitions
i kill your
motives
i kill your
fantasy
i slide in between
your most
wanted desires
and tear em down
like bull dozers
i bring all your
fears closer
and damage you
crack i love
your pipe
crack i love
your life
crack
you feen for me
and dream for me
i call you
late at nite
after you eat
you throw up
cause i can't bear
to let you gain on me
crack
rehab can shelter you
but you wills be back!

Futility
my heart breathes its last breath
Embraces its own death
Ready to be reborn
and made anew
Can’t live a lie
Refuse to “do”
and I’ll DIE....
Focus now on why I’ll live
And never touch the sky.
I have to forget you
I have to reject you
But I will never love anyone
like I loved you.....
I heard you whisper
and you never knew it
I wiped the tears from your eyes
But you couldn’t feel it
You’re lost and you’ll never find you
And neither will I
And I’m so sorry--
but I’m NOT.
I'll attempt to reset
Try to forget
But you know, I never will.
Be my dirty little secret
My very worst-kept secret
Sweet, smooth, beautiful poison
My infernal and endless attraction
towards complete and utter self-destruction
I fell in love with the devil
And it will take one heck of an angel
To save me from the likes of you....
My addiction
my confusion
my nightmare
my dream never to come true
Oh, I’ll never forget the times
we never shared
I’ll never forget
how you were never there
Always me, the stars, and tears
And I ask you,
what kind of life is THAT?
I have to face the facts
I don’t know what happens now
but it happens without you.
The stains will always be there
the scars will never fade
But the memory of you----
it HAS to.
I could carry the torch forever
But it would only consume me
I can’t cry another tear for you
Or I’ll dry up completely
It doesn’t affect you
and you never deserved me
You’ll go on with your life, too
All, all alone
Because you’ll only ever be in love
with you.

Ok, I normally keep my cool.
I rarely get THAT mad.
I wanted to knock her teeth out!
Oh yes, it was that bad!
I was innocently shopping.
Going about my day.
I was finished with the browsing
so I headed up to pay.
This nasty, mid-aged woman
looked me in the eye
and what she said made my mouth drop
and made me want to cry!
She asked if I ''get the discount''.
Of course I said ''I don't know,
how do you get this discount? ''
and then she said...''Oh, no.''
''Forget it, I'm sure you don't.''
I knew what she meant then...
this woman was asking me
if I was a... SENIOR CITIZEN! !
It takes alot to get me mad
and I never ever swear
but, let's just say I bit my tongue
as I left that day from there!
I told her she just ruined
what had been a decent day.
She gave a smirk and brushed me off
with little more to say.
Perhaps I don't look twenty...
this I will admit.
But, she was at least 60
and looked every day of it.
How rude to ask a woman
when she's only 34
if she's a senior citizen!
I won't shop there anymore! !

your velvety blossoms
slowly withers away
once tender roots
have now decayed
at the thought i cringe
such insidious disease
gradually infects
each and every leaf
moldy black spots
crinkled stained edges
your magnificent growth
gradually suppresses
your unsurpassed beauty
now fuzzed up and gray
crinkled debilated stems
a dull distorted array
shoots barely opened
leaves now curled and bent
such unforgettable moment
your petals soon descend
your spicy scent has drifted
such sickly brittle vein
Flowers now discolored
and left to thrive on pain
after months of nurturing
your once marvelous display
the thought of you slowly wilting
has left me in dismay
*My theme is taken from Constance's Poem "in Memory of a rose"*

I’m sorry for the nightmare I allowed to be your reality, and
I’m sorry I failed to illuminate a way out
I turned my back on you when you needed me most
I’m sorry I was a coward
I’m sorry for all the damaging words I said to you, but even more
I’m sorry I made you believe they were true
I took you for granted and battled with you every day
I’m sorry I did not think you were good enough to be treated better
I’m sorry for laying too much pressure on you; nobody is perfect, so
I’m sorry for making you believe you had to be
I did not trust you, respect you, listen to you, or appreciate you
I’m sorry I took you for granted
I’m sorry that I pitied you, and
I’m sorry I made you feel foolish and unimportant
I failed to treat you like the remarkable person you truly are
I’m sorry I made you feel you were alone
I’m sorry I did not love you
I’m sorry that I am apologizing to you; the
one person who will be with me always
HOWEVER
I am not sorry for a single tear I wept
each drop represents all that I have endured
I have learned much about life, relationships and most importantly – YOU
pain is temporary
for every burning tear that escapes, relief follows
I will be strong again
I will live again
I will love again
I will trust again
I will survive another day
Diana-Marie Bombardieri
Originally written: November 2005
Re-write: January 2012

Delicate flower
So lovely, and so sweet
Ravaged by wind
And rain and summer heat
Joyful to view
With the sweetest scent
Why nature could bring
harm to you
Makes me wonder where God went
I cry inside
I'll never understand
How such delicate beauty
Could come to such evil harm
All I see is beauty
And innocent loving charm.

Been the piece of the stage ,
seen the life of the remainings
of the before one’s also .
Touched not any of the ups .
just watch “the tired” once .
A crack of doom and the reckoning
whereby strong and if storms ,
wish to make it shaked at least swung .
Now deaf the desire and none is a throne ,
but somehow it will ring , and you be the thrown .
Deep sees , and waves the helpless stable ,
still there and even without the fifth able .
Will not wish I ,
you weigh any heart beatings any more ,
cause the closed doors are not yours , no more .

Soft silhouettes sashay by my window
Grievingly gazing out unto a world of which you may never know
Linen curtains briefly ruffled in the breeze
Old drunken Julius finds shade under the huge oak trees
The echoes of poverty ring outside my building
The pleas of panhandlers, the chattering of children
Dope feign Delilah, struts up and down the streets, waiting to turn her next trick
Evaporating into the air, the sulfuric stench
Jared, the jock in high school, deemed all American athlete
Shooting craps in the alley just to make ends meet
Every night like clockwork, the street walkers stand by Ms. Martina’s door
When the sun rises and they scatter like roaches, she anoints the ground with oils
Hakeem stands on one corner, screaming out” Would you enter the Kingdom of heaven if you should die today?
While his brother ShaQuan stands across the street, on the corner peddling cocaine
When we were growing up Ebony and I vowed to always be best friends
I sit on my stoop and she doesn’t even look my way as she’s followed by her six kids
In the evening gun shots light up the night, like the fourth of July
Another wife a widow, another mother loses her child
With not so much as a reason why.
Shrines built in rememberance of lost souls, adorn the sidewalks
Where once laid the body of an innocent child outlined by blood stained chalk
I am here in the midst of a world that I may never really know
I sit here day after day, with my pad and my pen,
Trying to escape the perils of the Ghetto

Always around
slightly small mostly black
think of my kids
that's what holds me back
cracks in my heart
such a delicate shell
tears fill my eyes
my eyes start to swell
try to be a new me
no drugs no liquor
now my eyes open wide
more reasons to pull the trigger
thought it was real
did you mean what you said
starting to see the truth
make the target my head
holding back so much pain
but still some leaks out
no one to talk to
feel better with cold metal in my mouth
no peace in my soul
it will not rest
another thought comes to mind
aim straight for my chest
even then I cry
thinking of taking a last breath
seriously thinking without me
would the children be best
feeling like a criminal
I've committed no theft
here is a person that's broken
I have nothing left
I'll walk away now
before I do something stupid
stop leaving it around
one day I might use it
no, no.... I can't
gotta remember my babies
this is a silent prayer I'm tormented
God please save me

A soul weeps in flesh for the pain I left behind.
I am sorry for the pain,the tears, I left for you to bear.
These healing words I send with a bumble bee to heal a bleeding rose.
These napkin like words I pray can wipe your tears and snotty nose.
I was young and naive,I cherished my pride instead of your heart .
There the coldest winter did start.
If it makes you happy I disposed of the mistress.
Who faded in long lost memory of shadowed kisses.
No,no,no I am sorry for writing that,
its a poets bold habit of honesty,
but in writing this I thought i should be honest and honest I shall be.I apologize for leaving your emotions suppressed,unknown and ostracized.
Yes, I know the ocean swollen with your tears,the angels descended on a bloody battle field to hear your cry.I hope you can summons them again and reconsider the report to the almighty farther.
If I could write this apology in the eye of the sky I would,for my remorse to be seen , a once foolish human being .Your heart I didn't mean to decay. I apologize for the lies, cries,for making you eat sadly all those ice creams and soggy apple pies,from absorbing tears fallen from yours eyes. Left to wonder in the vastness of the universe alone. I am sorry also sorry for the smudged ink and some of the lines. I cried along with them, imaging your painful times.
Yours truly Elliott Bowe
To:Simone Descartes

She cried, She died inside over and over again, She was trapped in herself
and she had no way of escaping. Taking drugs to dull the mud that's been in her
eyes
for years. She's so far away from reality that it's like she is constantly
sleeping.
She has to remind herself what's fictional and what's fact because the
hallucinations wouldn’t let her breath, they’d lie to her every chance she gets.
Turning her mom into a monster not butterflies suddenly this high becomes a
nightmare. One she had been fighting for so long, 16 and still traveling the same
rode as so many younger than her. She didn't listen to all the voices that tried to
tell her what she was missing because truly reality is the thing that makes life
worth living. To her reality was the guy who had raped her constantly when she was
young, Why choose reality when you could live in a dream world where everything had
excuses. Not only could she not recognize the girl who cried constantly in the
mirror but she'd done so many things to herself that even her eyes were a different
color.
It hurt so bad not to remember so she continued to fade until soon it seemed
better.
In an idiotical world where there were always smiles, It wasn't until she got help
that she realized the real world was never always pleasant. It was filled with hate
and lies and pain but that's something real and something she needed to face.
Something she needed to open her eyes to, life would never be cake and she couldn't
have her victory without tasting poison at least once. So when the tears dried and
the wounds healed she signed up for a special thing a thing called GED and she got
it.

Drop the ocean, lift the sky,
Today seems like a goodbye,
Memories of your voice forever linger.
Drink the potion, get me high,
Tears start to multiply ,
You wouldn't even try to lift a finger.
Cast the demons, out of here,
Lift me up, I have no fear,
Show you what it means to say I love you.
Wake me up, grab a beer,
Fill my cup, and shed a tear ,
My love for you has always been this true.
Drain the ocean , engulf the land,
Time to focus , begin again,
Learn to live without you by my side.
Convey the notions, my own brand,
Revolve my life, and take a stand,
Without you , I know, I will be alright.
Ring the bell, Sound the horn,
Today i have been reborn,
I can do this all on my own.
Rise the fell, Mend the torn,
Persevere through all the scorn,
My , look at how much you have grown.
Drop the ocean , lift the sky,
Today seems like a goodbye,
Memories of your voice forever linger.

I'm sorry that I'm always sad,
That I do things to make you mad.
I'm sorry that I've lost my hope,
I'm sorry for the ways I cope.
I'm sorry that I bring you down,
I'm sorry that I make you frown.
I swear to God that you must believe,
I love you more than you can see.
I'm sorry that my heart is dying,
I swear to you that I've been trying.
I'm sorry that I cannot see,
much future left in front of me.
I'm sorry that I'm so depressed,
I realy know that I'm a mess.
Writing this note's made me see,
Just how much hurt I've made you grieve.
I'm so disgusted with myself,
I'm so damn bad for your good health.
I know that It's hard to admit,
I've made this such a long hard trip.
I feel like I have ruined your heart,
Like I have torn you all apart.
I have a question for you dear,
And, yes, your answere I do fear.
You said that you missed her big picture,
When you saw, you changed your fixture.
For your sake, love, please look at mine,
Before your heart's put on the line.
I'm sorry that I'm so impatient,
I'm just afraid life's not worth waiting.
I really don't want you to leave,
I want for us to both believe.
I want to once again find hope,
But it will be hard on my own.
But then again if I'm too much,
I don't want to kill all your love.

I'm sorry for the ways I fight,
I'm sorry that I dim your light.
I'm sorry I'm so negative,
That I am so competative.
I'm sorry that I'm so outrageous,
I'm sorry my hurt's so contagious.
I don't want to see your heart eache,
Cuz when I do my heart it breaks.
I'm sorry that I'm not so strong,
But you inspire my hearts song.
I'm not alone cuz now I see,
Your light that's shining just for me.
I'm sorry that I'm up and down,
But, Dear, You win the patience crown.
My love for you's so strong, please see,
A fire burns for you in in me.
I know that It's hard to believe,
But God will help us, just you see.

The cracked spine of
the book I dropped
at the call.
A chip in my
windshield left by a
pompous *?#@! in a
red sports car as I
drive to the
service.
Rain expectorating
from an ashen sky as
the dirt is turned.
Today is terrible.
Though this is less
terrible than the
crack in grandma’s
spine from her fall
down the stairs.
The chip in her
amazingly smart mind
after eighteen years
as a teacher.
Tears running,
dripping from my
Mothers ashen face
as she cries “My
mama’s dead.”
Today is terrible.
Though this is less
terrible than the
cracked family
emotions left raw
and empty.
The chip in Grandpas
numb mind at the
gathering… “Where is
Irene she should be
here?”
Faces gone ashen
with dread, do we
leave him numb or
remind him that his
wife is dead?
Today is terrible.
Though this is less
terrible than the
empty silences,
missing the jokes
Grandma used to
crack.
Grandma’s laugh and
her endless smile
which always exposed
that tooth with the
chip in it.
Without her the
world has become
empty, bleak, and
ashen.
Today is terrible.
Summer
Gratias

I'm Agonizing every Word that my mind Creates
You've done this all to me
release your wrath to Me
You wonder How much a Human Heart can take
I've reached the limit
You've invaded me on every level
none of this is Mine anymore
I can't bleed enough for You
We're through
This, This Torture
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
Feel Free to abuse
If it's you I won't lose
The Winds push away
The Vines pull forth
I'm at a lose on what to do
So very lost and Confused
Don't say we're through
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You
I Hate you
...Don't leave me
I push you so far away
But need you so close
I'm on the edge
you're all I really need
I'll do anything
Just don't Abandoned me
leaving has it's toll
Homicidal With You
Suicidal Without You

A life of pain and mistaken thoughts
Afew sliced veins a kid mistaught
A kids mistrust
His soul in tatters
To his wrist this razor was thrust
His dreams shattered
A life of lies
A kid misunderstood
His unheard cries
Wanting nothing but to cause some good
Sitting alone
Thinking of his past
His future unknown
For this day will be his last
Wanting only for this pain to be gone
Suicide, the only way he knows how
So he knows this dawn
It will be over now, all over
He grabs his blade
Holds it to his wrist
His life betrayed
Longing to feel its final kiss
He screams
Blood starting to gush
It was just like his dreams
Such a rush
He smiles knowing
The pain is over now
His blood if flowing
It was the only way he knew how

Just one more time,
just one more breath,
just one more moment to remember the past,
lull in thy memories,
breathe in thy essence,
to look upon thy face,
to know you still care,
to know what we had was special,
to be preserved in preferred memories.
Where I am going I know naught.
Floating as if in limpid water currents,
languor reaching but finding not,
solitary enraged soul longing for one more kiss,
one kiss whence naught.
Malformed monsters feast
upon the vermin ravishing mine soul,
my tender heart loathing sunset’s rays enfold,
nighttime beseech me, broken heart unfold.
Another night shine through tears,
summoned by memories a hundredfold,
putrid time consumes life;
Cruel Life Sleeps.

I am free to: Love,
Hope,
Endure,
Sing,
Dance,
Cry,
Laugh,
Grow,
Give up,
Never stop untill I achivemy goal's,
Live life,
Hate!
Have the will not to hate,
Never give up,
Go down the wrong path,
To choose the right one,
To worship you, Lord!

i wish you could have
looked deeper into
my eyes
and knew what
was there for you
i wish you could
have known what my
lips were trying to
tell you but were
afraid to do so
i wish i had held
you closer. that i had
known that one day
would be the very
last time i would
see you
i wish you could have
known what my heart
said each time i saw you
how i felt when my hands
touched your face
i wish i had told you
how it made me feel
when you kissed my
lips over and over
and told me how
beautiful i was
i wish you could have
been braver and therefore
able to tell me what you
were going to do
when you were so sad
and ... i wish and i wish,
and i wish, but all i can see
is you, and how handsome
you were the last time
i saw you; and how i
longed to tell you i loved
you too...
i wish.

The darkness of the pit
is swallowing you in.
I see you looking at me
with that evil, twisted grin.
You know just what you're doing.
You've done it all before.
It kills me when you look at me
while bleeding on the floor.
I've offered you my hand
time and time again.
I've tried to help you change your life.
I've tried to be your friend.
I'll watch you from a distance
but I'll never get too near.
You'd love to take me with you
but my strength you've learned to fear.
If I could help you truly
just to see what you could be.
I'd try ten thousand times again
but I won't risk losing me.

I knew, I knew something like this would never come my way.
But He did come my way... and he is my lifeway today.
I'm not sorry that the beat that grew inside of me came about the world this way,
and I'm not sorry that the "burden" as they say will be with me the rest of my way,
and I'm not sorry that he came to be in my walkway,
I, yes I am sorry I acted in such a way, I went down the wrong pathway.
But God already new what that highway would bring my way.
Thats why I'm not sorry, because the little baby boy I hold today is my lifeway.

I loose my self
in myself
and fear
often times
I disappear
not always so
as youth
as man
young the heart
i still could stand
outside gates
in every core
but weak
I hide now
close the door
peer out through
the looming night
see the man
who sits outside
empty of
his other part
hiding in
the lonely heart
I loose my self
and then I fear
you've lost a part
of me
in tears
one drop containing
each a piece
of what you thought
your love would be
I fail
I will, be lost sometimes
gone in fancies
of my crime
penance for
and from the slave
I am now, lost
in other days
I fear
too often
worry much
ten million thoughts
I can not clutch
like a fighter
seeing three
head shot punch
witch one is me
I loose myself
myself I fear
will loose you
when I disappear

Before her heart stops beating
Before it's too late
She has things to say
Things that just can't wait
This pain she's lived with
Has made her push people away
She thought she wasn't worth it
So they weren't allowed to stay
But before her heart stops beating
Before it's too late
She has things she must say
Things that can no longer wait
To her parents,
She's sorry she couldn't hold on
As she lays there while
Her lasts breaths are being drawn
To her family,
Everyone who showed her love
She's sorry she couldn't stay
She had too many things she couldn't get rid of
To her friends,
She's sorry, too
It wasn't their fault
They did everything they could do
To the guy she left
Waiting for an answer to his question, "Why?"
She's sorry, but she knew
It would be a hard goodbye
To anyone else
She may've left out
She promises to remember you
When she gets to the end of her route
But before her heart stopped beating
She spoke the words that could no longer wait
Even though her words would reach us
Too late

just reach your hand out to the sky
pull your loved ones back to your side
lets get to say one more goodbye
for we never wanted them to go away and die
as now the days and nights lay
in such sweet disguise
so let us once again our lord
stare into their illumating eyes
as we reach out for them
in your broad horizon sky
and get to hold and kiss them
even if their not by our sides
for if this is however feels when we die
then I'd like to be that angel in that sky
so I can just reach out right back
and wipe their tears too from their eyes
Tribute To Our Loved Ones
On The Other Side
May You All RIP

Here she comes, walking with pride.
Her face is so vibrant, she looks so alive.
Nothing can stop her, no one dares to try.
Her entire life is corroded with deals, tricks, and lies.
Her beauty is everything, her smile kills all
It brings down the strongest men, makes the highest building fall.
But when she comes home,
The story does change.
Her life’s not so perfect,
The positions rearrange.
Her father's an alcoholic, and not very nice.
She has a brother who gave up on school, and can’t read or write
Of all of her family, her mother is the worse.
Sometimes she wonders if she'll survive this curse.
He mother yells,and tells her that she's no good.
She would give it all up, if only she could.
At the end of the night she goes into her room,
She begins to weep, and eventually cries herself to sleep.
She wakes up the next day,
Puts on a happy face,
And goes to school as if nothing happened the previous night,
Or that absolutely nothing is wrong with her life.
So now that you’ve seen what’s behind the closed door,
I hoped you’ve thought about this girl a little more.
With the utmost respect,
I present to you, the life of someone "perfect".

I f sadness ruled,
The world would be bare,
And none would wear a happy face.
Crying would be everywhere.
Hateful faces,
eyes pleading to be saved from thier eternal damnation,
no Jovial places
And when somone was happy they died.
Love would not exist
This is because the people would be happy
and you know what,everyone would love oly themselves.
Death would bring the ruler joy
Birth would send in to a tirade
And lovers running off to happiness
Would be caught and worked to the bone.
Narcissitic people would be the richer and that would make them all the sadder,
Their children would got to school and learn about times of despair.
that would shove the happiness down their throats.
so if one is always sad and never glad
they would be favored in king sadnesses eyes
So why not go and live in this hate filled kingdom,
With none to love but your sadness and yourself.

I’m sitting on a park bench…in the rain
Crying, with no one to console me…
I lost my family…and I lost my friends
And what’s worst is that my love left me…
I never knew that loneliness could hurt so much
And I never thought that it could happen…to me
Well I guess I was wrong…
These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!
Now I walk home alone…with nothing
On my mind, except for misery…
I sit in the corner…where it is dark
So that I can escape reality…
I never knew that sorrow would hurt me at all
Because I believed that I was too strong for that
But I guess that I was wrong…
The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!
These tears of mine won’t stop falling down my face
The pain in my chest won’t go away
With every tear that drops, it represents
The pain I caused everyone in my life…
I can’t turn back time, though I wish I could
And correct all of my mistakes and live happily!
With every tear that drops, it represents
The loneliness that I experience everyday in my life…
I only pray that God above will
Help turn my miserable life around for me!

I was there
On my way to Laflin when the 55th and Garfield bus slowed down.
He should have been passed out from excitement like other 10 year olds playing
football in vacant lots,basketball in streets, and baseball with wooden sticks.
Instead on his way to gas station
collar bone caught bullet like a bleeding brown mitt.
He never made it to first base safe, he never made it home.
I sat there in blue and black CTA seats
and I wished he was struck by a
be-be, paint ball, or tranquilizer gun
but no they simply snatched back cocked metal and released.
He lied there surrounded
face had grazed grass
and when his mother saw him she wished she could resist what purples saw.
cross-fire whiplash
punctured neck
with a certificate to prove his end.
She pawed at his white outline
pleading he would breath life, but when i didn't she wept.
I was restricted to step off bus and on to pavement,
so i had to let my eyes listen
to how blue lights and smudged tears didn't compliment the tragedy.
I mean I was stuck to scene because of the caution tape
and the ambulance
and the way his stretcher jumped as he was being taken to the morgue.
Pedestrians though it was over until they fled like that little boys mother when she
heard her sons blood had been scrambled on the boulevard.
Police mans knees blasted to chest as they chased for blocks ones who failed to
follow: THOU SHALL NOT KILL!
I kept riding past Halsted then on to Racine finally came to Laflin stepped off bus,
looked at the bullet whole in the street sign then asked
what is the purpose of you holding hand high and think u have the right to kill.
Rebecca Johnson

Lord, I believe in You and myself,
With You I can do almost anything.
Even if I'm overweight...
I believe You'll keep me alive until the day
You want me back home with you.
I'm sorry for my sins
And all of us are imperfect humans:
Debating about beliefs, greedy thieves,
And everything else you hate.
So please forgive all of us and open the gate
To Your Heavenly Kingdom.
Have Your Son save us all.
Sometimes I believe I don't deserve You
And Your Promise for Eternity,
But Your Son's words reassure me.
I feel scared of the destruction in Your Revelation,
But remember You'll keep me safe
If I just forever keep my faith.

Yesterday,a ghost of someone better haunting in the shadows that he hath
banished it to.
I will bring you back.
From death and darkness to the light I will resurrect you to former greatness with
a last hope at her hand.
Better man she loved so long ago...I am not dead.
Not yet.
Wounded child hath sent you in jealousy to live beneath selfish pride and
careless discontent of the perfect life...of the perfect lady.
I will bring you back.
To the surface to resurface faith in those who had given up.
To heal those hurt by his ways.
To break the silence.
Don't lose faith love...I am not dead.
Not yet.
Yesterday, I will bring you to life once more.
Kind and caring, truthful and committed.
Selfish child sent back...I have much to prove.
Much to make up.Much living left to do.
Don't forget Love...I am not dead.
Not...yet.

Fabel24
Fabel24
CHARLAX
CHARLEXES FABELS
CONVERTED
SAVED CONVERTED INVERTED CRUCIFIED DEAD BUT NOT YET BURIED
Kiss the ewe she never cries she never sighs she stays happy all the times we
try. The eye was stopped by a patrolman in the middle of my walk to the church to
lay my layman down to rest a night a bite of something not so sweet in bag to
help me live. He said ADDRESS what is your ADDRESS like it's the most
important thing to have NO eye said NO eye do not have a TUCSON address just
one in Flagstaff. HOMELESS he said. NO eye said eye have the ADDRESS in
FLAGSTAFF the one on my ID card. NO he said you are just HOMELESS in
TUCSON. He noticed that eye cared nothing for any of that. WHY did yew not say
that to begin WITH he said to me and eye just tried to ignore a man who has the
world to shrug upon his Atlast Shoulders? PHONE he said ??? No phone what's
your cell phone???
EEYE do not have a PHONE NO CELL PHONE eye almost cried.
NO NUMBER NO PLACE IN THIS WORLD TO CALL MY HOME.
The Indian has no feather he is saved now he is in Heaven beside the MEE. Live
in life wrap the world outside live the life of love and learn to live and love. Eat a
LOT of CHARLAX eat a lot of poems eat a lot of Fabels now.

Untouchable, yet close enough to touch.
It's wrong, I know but I want you so much.
You are the compliment to who I am supposed to be.
You are the one who can set my tortured soul free.
To help me to thrive and to inspire me.
It brings tears to my eyes to think of the impossibility.
There are too many obstacles in our way,
Too many people to hurt, too big a price to pay.
So with a friendship I must be satisfied,
And bury these feelings deep down inside.
It's just that from you it will be too hard to hide,
When I spend so much of the day at your side.
I think that I am going out of my mind.

You came into my life, why? I didn’t invite you, I never wanted you around, you
know this , but you will not leave, you don’t know how much I hate you, and yet I
don’t hate anyone or anything. When you hate, to me, it is the same as killing. If I
only knew how to kill you ……. It would have been done many times over. I awake
every morning and there you are, ready to make my life miserable, the one thing
you enjoy most in your life. Wherever I go, you follow bringing your misery into my
life. Why cant you just leave and leave me in peace? I fight with you every day, and
it hurts so much, so much it hurts to fight with anyone, even you. There is one
way and only one way to rid you of me. I think of this often, but then where would I
be? I would not be, because you are part of me, your name is bi-polar. Handed
down from my father and from his father, and from me to my son, but he refuses
to recognize you, so he fights you without help he could get. If he would only say I
know who you are. I hurt for him everyday, and then I pray.
Oh God please forgive me for what I have brought upon my son. Son, I love you,
and am so sorry for what you go through. Maybe someday we will talk again. Dad

I'm sorry, is phrase so used today,
In this society.
These words would mean a lot,
more if the actions followed.
Anyone can say them.
Just depending on if they send the
Feelings to follow the words true meaning.
When they are said,
it should be from the mind, heart and soul.
Not just by a simple breath,
To fall on most ears that are deaf
Or even to be said,
To get control of a person.
Sooner or later,
It is all the same,
As placating and complicating a simple situation.

A battle of life.
We're both trying to win.
We battled and faught.
Trying to seek revenge.
Revenge is sweet.
What goes around comes around.
Some days I feel you pick me up.
Othere days I feel you slam me down.
The end is coming.
The line we have to cross.
Yes I did it, I won!
But why do it feel like I lost.

Reflections of a day gone by
Reflections in the mirror of tears in my eyes
Reflections in a window pane
Trying to erase all the pain
Reflections of your face near me
Reflections of what never would be
You said you loved me
You didn't stay
Reflections of a lie,that never goes away.

The nauseated feeling from knowing that I have thoughts to take my own life.
Suicide not only being a feeling, a second thought, but a compromise.
Now sick to my stomach with disbelief, how I imagine at the end of my life-the
painful grief.
And my funeral, what church would take me? The sinner who took her own life, in
my casket the devil might as well be.
And yet the thought constantly crosses my mind:
Why not die? Death is simply the beginning of life.
Although life is well and sometimes I'm happy.
I can't help but wonder how death would be.
People always say "at least their in a better place."
So is death better than life? In death can I go my own pace?
Once again nauseated with the thought of taking my own life. Myself I can no
longer love, me I can only despise!!!

You saw me.
The whole me. You saw me at my peak of happiness you saw me at my weakest.
Your words were the one things that help me up when I fell and made me wipe tears away that
never failed to fall.You saw me when I was innocent. I am still your little girl but I have grown up
since you last saw me and the innocence is fading. I know the difference between right and
wrong because of you; you use to recite war stories of your childhood. I used to sit there and
listen. Daddy's little girl. Than I had a shoulder to lean on, one that would never let me fall. You
saw through the surface and into the deep.My eyes tell stories and you were the only one who
could read them. Whose going to see me now? I don't think anyone will ever see me how you
use to now that your gone.

Mother i love ,
Mother do you love me ?
Why do we fight ?
Why do you cry ?
Mother do i have to go?
Why mother, why !
Can you see my pain ?
My love for you,
My bond with you.
Mother help me ,
Mother i love you ,
Don't go mother .

my tears cant tell my hidden scars
but my arms can
why isnt life everything i thought it would be?
some days im alright and others im soo unhappy
things always go wrong
buh i have my happy days
i remember laughing and smiling everyday
now its only once in a while
well i always have my fake smile
and my real tears
my real pain
my real fears
even when it hurts
i can never tell you the truth
everything in my past
if only i could open up that part of me i know i can be
I love you very much
it hurts me to know i hurt you
and for that im sorry
when i look at you my heart falls for you over and over
in your arms is where i belong
its where i wanna be
where i know i will finally be truly happy

If I died today,
Would your heart fade away?
If I died today,
Would your heart die with me?
If I died today,
Would you regret
Never telling me
How you really felt?
If I died today,
Would you be able to move on?
If I died today,
Who would go to my funeral?
If I died today,
Would you regret
Never telling me
How you really felt?
If I died today,
Would you see me in everything?
If I died today,
Would anyone even care?
If I died today,
Would you regret
Never telling me
How you really felt?
If I died today,
Would anyone cry for me?
If I died today,
How would you grieve for me?
If I died today,
Would you regret
Never telling me
How you really felt?
If I died today......

Mid afternoon, the sun slams down,
On the shifting sands of a coastal town,
The monument points with a gun to the sky,
The heat haze displaced by a seagull’s cry;
On the quay I sit and look out to sea,
At the distance between the horizon and me.
At a quarter to four I have not moved on,
Wearing haunted looks that I thrive upon,
An ice cream melts in a splitting cone,
Seeping through cracks to a twilight zone.
I take a deep breath and rise to my feet,
So cold and alone in the sweltering heat.
At the closing of day, the sun settles down,
The night muscles in on a coastal town,
I drift to the bar and the sea licks the walls
Of the harbour without where the darkness falls.
I look to the dusk for an answer or two,
But there’s no sign of life, and there’s no sign of you.

When I wake up
I see a mess.
A hot, ugly mess.
Today I hate this mess
Tommorrow I may love it.
Yesterday I saw regret
And misery is married to me.
Divorce is my mistress
And suicide is my best friend.
Trust brings news of what sadness has done
And guilt brings gifts from worry and sorrow.

I sat in the court room and watched all the jurors eyes. They were so innnocent
and so ignorant as they looked upon my husbands perdicament.
He was facing the death penalty and I could see the pain in his eyes as I tried to
reach out for him but a wall seemed to block us.
He had been charged with murdering a little girl about four or five and as I
watched the case my eyes began to fog.
I remembered the night it happened a day I would never forget. A saw him swing
the bat towards my legs but what he didn't see was our angel tightly hugging my
knees.
I had dealt with abuse from this man for 12 years and even though he beat me all
the time he would never touch Keisha. She was his little girl.
But just in that moment when the object collided I could see his hurt as if the bat
had hit him.
A few 911 calls later and handcuffs over hands and my husband was in jail but
my baby was dead.
I felt angry that he would even touch our little girl. She was my soul my heart and
my entire world.
But at the same time I knew he didn't mean to. I had seen many things in my life
but never had I seen him cry like he did that night.
I felt like my health was deterriating since the day she left. I'd lost five pounds in a
matter of days and my hair had fallen out in chunks. But I still stood up when the
verdict was about to be read.
I turned my attention back to the court as they said he was guilty.
A smile came up to my lips but than faded almost as quick as the judge
sentenced him to death I screamed " no he doesn't deserve this".
I watched as the parol officers took him away to meet his fate as my lips
trembled.
This was another day I would never forget.

I try to give you everything and make you happy
Why cant things be the way they used to be
Like when we first met you were full of joy and laughter
I loved you so much apparently I'm not the one you were after
I'm sorry
I fell in love with a person who doesn't want me
Why cant things be the way they used to be
I'm sorry
I stay away and visit once in awhile
When I'm there you tell me you miss me
And you're happy happy to see me
I'm sorry
Then you leave me empty and full of agony
Left to suffer with so much pain
I wanted to slit my wrists and let it fall like rain
Draining all the hurt and pain away
I'm sorry
Instead I shut my feeling off and kept everything bottled up inside
Not daring to show people the things i hide
This is how i get treated for loving you
Someday your time will come maybe it already has
And that's your excuse for not loving anyone
I'm sorry
So you go through life not caring about anyone but yourself
Building your own personal prison going through hell
Open up and love someone
Everyone needs someone even if its not me
I'm sorry
You shut me out and your feelings go away
I'm left here with so much pain
You made me experience what you have been through
Tearing myself apart
Shutting people out not knowing what to do
It was killing me without a doubt
Now i know what this is all about
I'm sorry
I was left so many years shattered
My heart was torn ripped and tattered
Like a piece of china that was left unnoticed till it mattered
I'm sorry
Well i will find some one who loves me back
She wil tare down my wall no turning back
I will love her and she will love me
I'm sorry
I'm happier than iv ever been she will make me whole
Loving you was not that bad of a toll
You made me shut people out
Waiting for what seemed like eternity
Till i will finnd true happiness my destiny
I will ask her one day to marry me
I'm sorry
It still hurts me to see you living in the dark
Like a lost child wandering around lost in the park
Searching for your own happiness sorry it wasn't me
This is how it was meant to be
I'm sorry
One day i know you will find happiness
When you find it you will know what to do
Just don't abuse it hold on caress it and don't let go
If you have feelings for someone let it show
Don't hold it in and he wont let go
I'm sorry
I feel bad for not being able to do more for you
Because I have experienced what you are still going through
But one day it will be OK stop being selfish and it will go away

In the past I remember how things were so simple
When I was little my cheeks had such cute dimples
Looking back I remember how sweet I was as a child
When I think again my heart told me I was so wild
Yet, in time my simple choices was revealed as true as anyone
The reason I was the way I am today, I did things, to get done
Finishing lots of my undone ideas was so incredibly hard
So I figure my heart and choices should never hold in no bard
I never thought I would learn heart aches and pain
With such under statement I did things for no gain
I was a child who held true to what he has learned
But as we got older those kinda perspective would get me burned
When I made up my mind that people was not kind
I led myself in a confusion that I was blind
In the past I do recall that seeing is believing
So I was the one who stood their with friends leaving
Alone, I felt I did not belong, I cherish each person who knew me
I got older too see how the world works it stung me like a bee
The feeling of tingling ran through my vain
My view of the world and people who knew me was stained
Now I know they are out for their selves with no kind feelings
Life I know is just a joke because of who I hung out with seeing
Today as I look at the world it is in such shambles and astray
And rather fallow everyone I just walk away

Thank you – Zamreen Zarook
Thank you is a sweet word in the nature,
You may be a guy of adventure,
May be you are a person of agriculture,
What matters is your architecture.
Never forget the people, who guided you,
In no degree neglect who were with you,
Don’t ever overlook a creature, who gave a smile to you,
Because, you will meet them above you.
People forget the past due to selfishness,
They have no time to remember their unawareness,
Society, most of the times behave in awfulness,
They will understand when their lives come in to bitterness.
Be a person to thank and remember,
Don’t consider them as December,
Because, you might need them in November,
So, always be as a good subscriber.

generic minds listen to generic music
have generic thoughts that are unknowingly abusive
watch generic things talk about generic things
gee this generic *****is spreading like a disease
better get your flu shot
thats what they said to me
a suicidal vaccine
a subliminal killing spree
its contagious and the outrageous
thing about it is that the people are blind in an eye
that they didn't even know they had
it's sickening to watch these clueless civilians
inside the looking glass
with nightmares of being free
without a key to their mind
for it is trapped in the frequency
in the illusion of time
bathed in our universe
killing all that refuse to see
those that admit to hypocracy
or see the message in hip hop
how cant you see
the message in the lyrics that
bring adolescents to their knees
from bullet wounds conflicting their flesh
contradicting that they're the best
but the songs keep telling them that they dont need no rest
that they dont wanna go home
that they should ride alone
with the gat as their only companion
and so the only path they choose is the one that they're told
until they grow old and hope turns to a window pane
inside a window pane, until all they feel is pain
they realize that the music itself is ashamed
so whats to look up to
when you cant even speak when you cant even walk because you look so bleak
your eyes are sunken from the tv you're infested with the dee zees
now its too late to turn around and live for your conscious
so when youre screaming oh please
close your eyes and bring your mind to life
open your eyes for the first time
and never wonder why
since the answer this entire time
has been inside
and you better find it before you die
you dont want your soul to be in a pool with all the others
a buncha brothers missing their mothers
but only seeing strangers
only feeling the haters
wishing they would have used their minds when they had them
and now its too late,
now it's time for another new born fate to grab them

To Hurt to say,But I'm sorry.
Do you know how much it hurt.To see you disappear from a memories I have yet recalled.Your heart so ice cold there's nothing I can do for it.
Let me touch your chest and feel the breeze that escapes from if.
Did you know that with ever king there are rebels who dares chain him down.
Everyone person can life is determined by they way the express themselves.
And anyone can forge a fake life to get away and hide from their reality.
I'm going to be you reality has my hand reaches your face let me show you what it means to be hit by reality and take it seriously.Hopeless,Agony,Fear,Terrified, Corrupted.
I haven't had enough of your ego,of your smile,the lies that surround you.
Ha! let me see you fall and crawl don't beg it unsightly but crawl for you are the man the shadow man.
Cling to me as i show you the grief and fear and anger I have of losing you,the only thing connecting me to you is the blood I waste on the ground in the night time wake.
Watch it fall as I cut deeper.How many times did I cry for you and you never even cared enough to answer me?
Your faceless,heartless,cold eyes let me thank you.
Your turning my to stone your helping me write these disgusting feeling down every night.
You gave me something so powerful not even you could destroy them now these hands of course.
As I drink this to ease my pain and free my self of this relapsing phase.Let me be happy let me be sad let me mad let me become depressed for I'm so bipolar it hurts.
How dare you trampled my pride and toss me around like a lifeless doll...Was I really your luggage you tried to throw away?
Be honest lies don't work no more for I've see everything everyone as danger has liar beggar and theive coming after me.Thank you for being my venom.
I'm sorry if I hurt you I never meant to.
Would you forgive me if I laid down to rest and not wake up again?
Please tell me.I can't help but feel like something useless in this wild game of tag and empty felt.It hurts you should know,So don't take to much time and tell me how you feel.
At least then I can dance with you.

You have my soul, but you have your fate
Whatever your words, I’m willing to take
You have my word; I’ll give you my breath
It’s like a chain that would never be break
You are my love with all my heart,
I’ll fight for you with all my might.
And in the way, you admire your goals,
You hold my hands, but not so close.
As you go to your chosen path,
I’ll accept the fact that we will be apart.
In the dark side, I leave behind
Within my faith, that you’ll arise
Please don’t look back, coz I’m fighting still
I’m hurting so much! Don’t want to have you near
I accept my fate for what it does,
I’m bleeding so much, do you know for whom it was?
You reach your goals, as you want to have,
Would you remind the man that gave what he had?
As you reach the stars, and be the one
Be a sun that shines its own.
After the rain, the rainbow comes,
Like dark in the moon, when the light flash
A glimpse from you at least a short
For then I knew my pain is worth.

im sorry ive caused you pain.
i thank you for sticking by me through everything.
and not giving up on me. i dnt no what
i would do if you had given up on me.
Im sorry ive lied to your face and you knew it,
but you still loved me the same as before.
so i thank you.
i dont know if i would be here with you if you had given up on me.
im sorry ive broken your trust over and over,
and you still wanna trust me.
i thank you again.
i dont know wat i would have done if you didnt trust me.
im sorry ive done things behind your back,
even though i promised you i would never do them.
im sure you knw but you never said anything.
i wish you would have. it would have saved us all alot of pain
i thank you for never giving up on me.
i dont no how to tell you how much i love you.
mom i love you sooooooo much you wont ever no how much i love u and thank you for everything

Your face,
Made a fake smile, (you said)
I love you,
I need you,
I want you just for a while,
You told me,
That I made you smile,
All the things you said to me,
Are just words now,
How can we love,
When you love me for yourself,
(This Aint Love)
Chorus: 2x
What are we doin,
If this love ain't real,
What is this feeling,
That I feel,
I'm broken in emotion,
I'm broken in love, (you said)
I need you,
I want you
You're the only one,
I'm thinkin of, (so tell me)
How can we love,
When there's always someone else,
(This Aint Love)
Chorus 2x
Bridge:
How can we love,
When there's always someone else,
How can we make up,
When you only love me for yourself,
verse #3:
You got me imprisoned,
Inside your heart,
When kissed
I felt, Like we,
Would never be apart,
chorus 2x

THE BOMBING OF DRESDEN
February 13, 1945
Pathfinders lit the night to show the way
for bombardiers too hungry for the word;
as Dresden's dark was made as light as day,
all hearts were stopped before the blasts were heard;
and as the din was heard by all their ears
the sound it made was not reality
but far removed from all the hopes and fears
and what they thought would never come to be.
They loved the Fuhrer--sin enough for all
to die the fiery death of sweet revenge
brought on by those who had enough of gall
to drop their loads in wartimes heated binge!
And when the fire consumed all that it could
the winter of their lives was understood.

The doctor said, “You are in tremendous health for a man of sixty years old.
Did your father live a long life himself before his days were told?”
“I’m sorry doctor, did I say he was dead? My father is still very much alive,
“In fact he’s living an active life as a man of eighty-five.”
“That’s wonderful,” said the doctor, “Great to hear, did his father live a long life too?”
“I’m sorry doctor, did I say he was dead? My grandfather is a hundred and two.”
“In fact,” I said, “He’s getting married tomorrow to a girl who is thirty three.
He satisfies her in many ways, including sexually.”
“Oh my gosh, why get married again, when you are a hundred and two?”
“I’m sorry doctor,” I repeated again, “Did I say he wanted to?”

All. Day. Long.
I sit there, in my chair, All. Day. Long.
Glaring at people I hate.
The people who are but mere memories.
Mere dust in the wind.
All that I know has blown away,
taken by my faulty actions.
The dull replay of Meteora fills my room with lyrical insanity,
tempting me with beat and anger.
But I’ve realised it’s not the music that’s dull.
It’s myself. I am dull.
Dull, empty, detached, dead.
My actions have caused this, my mental instability.
My arms and wrists, they’re crisscrossed with faint pink patterns,
the product of my attempts at reattachment and relief.
Eternal smiles of violet beneath my eyes, wrinkles surround my lips.
My skin, yellow from the drugs, reflects weakly the sunlight from outside.
I blame everyone but myself, my personality rotten to the core.
My lungs, as well, shredded by smoke that acted like needles.
I couldn’t help myself, I jest in my mind.
I’ve been trying to shove the blame onto something but myself,
only to find there is nothing to blame but myself.
My body has been wracked to this state,
a state well beyond my mere 29 years.
My mind, hanging from a cliff.
Threatening to free fall at any moment.
As I sit there, in my chair,
memories of an age long gone from my life flash before my eyes.
A girl I loved, laughing.
Her and I lying in the grass, at a lake’s edge.
A cat akin to night, eyes green as mine, purring softly in my lap.
Flashes of guns, from a war forgotten by all but me.
As I reminisce these memories, a spark of feeling—pain.
Upwelling in my gut.
Through my chest.
Stabbing into the side of my head.
The pain triggers a new wave of recollection.
Again, the girl. My mind so foggy I can’t remember her name.
Dancing slowly to a song no longer heard of.
Snow. A blush of the cheeks. Hands in mine, warming and comfortable.
The pain in my head intensifies, blinding me.
I fall from my chair, the first time I’ve moved all day. In 2 days.
Shaking my head, I pull myself up. Standing, I look around.
Another flash of pain, followed by a sensation I’d all but forgotten.
Her lips. At dusk. The very first time.
I stumble away from an unseen being, crashing into the wall.
Blinking my eyes furiously, I right myself.
Waiting a moment, I sit back down.
And let the dullness take over, the pain ebb away,
and the memories to replay.
All. Day. Long.

I'm sorry to hear about your
loved one passing away.
I know that in heaven, you shall
be with him someday.
Life's adversities are at times
hard to explain.
Sometimes, very quickly,
circumstances can change.
I pray that through your loss,
sorrow and pain.
You'll find comfort and
joy in Jesus' name.
May his arms of tender
mercy and grace,
bring love to your heart and
a smile on your face.
May God's presence bring an
assurance to your soul,
knowing that God is with you no
matter where you go.
Through all that's happened,
I pray you will find.
God's wonderful joy, his comfort
and a peace of mind.
On the stormy seas of life,
with God, you shall prevail.
His promises and love for
you will never, never fail.
By Jim Pemberton
2006

My love I can not find you anywhere,
I feel like I lost my soul somewhere,
because you are my soulmate,
and us being apart can not be fate.
You did not leave because you wanted to,
It just was just something you had to do.
I was not right, All I wanted to do was fight,
and knowing you was the love of my life,
yet I would not make you my wife.
I know that's what you really wanted
and now I am feeling haunted,
by the things I should have done,
and you being the only one
I ever loved and will love forever, if it was'nt for me we will still be together.
But you are gone
and I can not go on,
so I must say good-bye, I'm leaving myself to die.

At Church, We Talked About the Holy Spirit!
At church, we talked about the Holy Spirit.
And discussed how to be guided by it!
We discussed scripture and God's power!
And how we need his spirit... This hour!
We learned about how the Holy Spirit moved long ago.
And how we need it now! To nourish our soul!
It seemed like no matter what we decided
We knew the spirit's power has been provided!
Rather than just all of us talking about it...
Isn't it about time, that we really experience it?
The disciples of the Bible were empowered from on high!
They boldly proclaimed God! And were not shy!
It's almost like the church today is somewhat defeated!
Because the Holy Spirit's work isn't completed!
How can anyone experience the Holy Spirit within?
When so many hang on to unrepentant sin???
If you're one, who's hanging on to a denomination...
Is God's spirit part of your life's foundation???
Won't you take the time to wait on the spirit's presence!
God is powerful! And is loving and omnipresent!
Talk is cheap! Submission to God's spirit is the key!
To help you in life! And give you the victory!
Won't you come now? And enjoy the spirit's fullness?
It will bring you joy!
And complete wholeness!
By Jim Pemberton

They are bound to the Earth like trees
Suffocating under the weight of an icy grave
Reaching to be free, but only their limbs are seen
Hoping that one day someone will see:
They can't escape with lacerated wings
The ocean surrounds me, covering everything
Nothing will be clearly seen; confusion overwhelming
No-one can save you, you're on your own, left to die
Manipulating every bleeding heart you can find
I can't escape with lacerated wings.
Swarms of nets, waves of screams
Entangle: your captive illusions and dreams
The mask has be seared - The truth now they see
The Liar - Vampiric Fiend; lowly thief
And now they know you can't escape with Lacerated Wings
There's reasons for your rejections:
Your Heavy heart's transferred oppression
The scars are too deep to pass the trials
But you can find peace in your cage of empty spirals
You Cannot Escape With Lacerated Wings

Packing bags and leaving home
Running into the darkness of
night like a criminal
No destination
Just an escape into freedom
from the nightmare
Just feeling the sunlight’s breath
on my cheek freely
A winds whisper touching my
ears
Running away from dreams and
wishes
Setting an adventure of a
lifetime
Running away from the past
where horror lies
Running away from lullabies and
thunder
Forgetting everything for awhile
And sit down and breathe in and
out for awhile
Smelling the freshness of life
that will no longer exist

Oh Flora, Choral Beauty
The Sun Rises With You
Out of An Abyss of Chaos, Yet No Piece of Beauty Is Lost
I Can't Grant You Nobility, But Our Love's Vitality
Will Last Till The Gates
of Hades's Halls
They Will Push, They Will Pull, And Their Power Will Grow
Just To Have A Piece
of Our Love's Immortality
For It They Cannot Wait
Subdued By Desperation's Phantom
But I Will Always Be One of Them
So, My Dear, Please Understand
I'm Just A Chevalier Drenched With My Sins
The Hope Will Fade
The Rose Will Turn Black
The Promise Was Just I Lie, Though I Forbade
I Will Just Be Another Empty Heart, Slain
By Your Loosening Grip On My Sanity
I Will Die, You Will Be Free
Believe - It's The Way Things Must Be
My Dear, Just Understand

They took the guile and base for me
prostrate outside the gate for me
when I was four
I asked for more
they said they'd do their best for me
They knelt beside my bed for me
when I was sick with leprosy
I cried all night
by candlelight
They sang a song of clemency
Instilled my life’s integrity
with vigilant intensity
such memories
glow easily
intelligence adhered to me
With discipline I should abide
with inspirations far and wide
to school I went
with confidence
and pick-axe handle by my side
But now I'm so much older
though heart is so much colder
I'm also so much stronger
in need of care no longer
I haven't got the time for you
I'm blessed with better things to do.

Man's Corruption... God's Redemption!
The Bible speaks of man's sin and corruption.
That's why God has offered us, his redemption!
The heart is desperately wicked above all things.
There's an evil corruption that sin brings!
The Lord searches our heart and tests our ways.
He watches our lives, all of our days!
There's nothing good in ourselves.
Not now, or ever!
Without God's mercy...
We're doomed forever!
But, through Christ, there's a way and a plan!
He made this available to every woman and man!
His gift of salvation is a message of love, made clear!
The coming of Jesus Christ,
draws ever so near!
We can trade our sinful corruption,
for a new way of living!
Won't you come before the Lord,
with a heart of giving?
Giving our life to Jesus,
is the best thing to do!
By his power and grace, you can be
made BRAND NEW!
I'm thankful for his salvation!
Mercy has been applied!
Because of Christ' death on the cross…
I'm now sanctified!
By Jim Pemberton

Darling, I didn't aim to let you down, or to leave you lonely,
I also have a frown, baby you're not the only,
I meant to hurry home, and didn't mean to take so long,
I didn't realize time had flown, please forgive me if I wrong,
Honey, I'm not one for excuses,
But I'm so sorry with regret,
And my heart sure feels so useless,
For what you're not over yet,
I did say I'd be right back, I even called you on the phone,
And my heart didn't cut me any slack, when I heard the busy tone,
Please accept my apology, honey, I haven't lied,
And if you still won't talk to me...well, at least I know I've tried,
And I'm not one for excuses,
But I'm so sorry with regret,
And my heart sure feels so useless,
For what you're not over yet,
Darling, I didn't aim to let you down, or to leave you lonely,
I also have a frown, baby you're not the only,
I meant to hurry home, and didn't mean to take so long,
I didn't realize time had flown, please forgive me if I'm wrong,
No, I'm not one for excuses,
but I'm so sorry with regret,
And my heart sure feels so useless,
For what you're not over yet,
Yes, my heart sure feels so useless,
For what you're not over yet.

For All Of My Sin, Guilt And Shame…
The sins I’ve committed… There are so many.
Is there any hope for me. Is there ANY?
The things I’ve done have caused me much shame.
I’m often embarrassed when
others call my name.
My past failures and mistakes. They abound!
And have a tendency to “pull me down.”
I’ve often felt “unlovable” with a discouraged mind.
It seems like my life, “is racing against time.”
I was told that Jesus loves me
and can make me whole.
How could someone like this love me?
I’ll never know.
How could a God who’s so
merciful and lovable.
Find anything inside of me… That’s “valuable?”
I’ve read in hi word, that he
purchased my life with his.
An abundant and eternal life… He freely gives!
Dear Jesus. I ask you to come into
my life and wash it clean.
I ask you to be my Lord. My righteousness.
My everything!
For all of my failures, mistakes and every sin.
I long for your presence and peace within!
Only YOU can restore my life through
your gift of salvation.
I give you my heart. And an opened invitation!
Thank you Lord! For the work
that you’re going to do.
I want you to know how much I love
and appreciate YOU!
By Jim Pemberton 09/21/11

She writes her songs and her poems,
not one person know 'em.
She listens to the sound of her music,
she's stuck to it like a tick.
If someone took the time to listen,
her true colors would glisten.
She's put on a mask,
and hid everything when someone asked.
She was the type of girl who would always laugh,
making you wish it would last.
She was the type of girl who would smile the day away,
too bad it is no longer that way.
She is now the girl who is depressed,
I bet you're impressed.
Since no one could tell
that she was going through hell.
Everyone thought she was happy,
when really, she felt crappy.
Everyone thought she was having the time of her life,
who would have guess her best friend was a knife?
She spent her days alone,
she seemed to do everything on her own.
Never once wanted help.
Thought she could do everything herself.
Then the day came,
when she lost the game.
She fell apart,
and everyone saw her broken heart.
They saw the way she overreacted.
Oh, if only you saw the way she acted.
She bruised herself, scratched herself, and made herself bleed,
no one knew what it was that she needed.
They saw her tears,
and that was what she feared.
They found out she wasn't okay,
oh, she hated that day.
Everyone found out about her secret,
and she wish they'd just forget,
but she knew they couldn't,
and that they wouldn't.
She left that town and started over,
no one knew she went undercover.
She said she got better,
when really... something else occurred.
She secretly hurt herself,
and walked away from help.
Everyone thought she recovered,
when really, she was undercover.
She secretly wanted to get worse,
no one knew of course.
No one cared to ask,
if she was wearing her mask.
Now it's too late,
she locked the gate.
Killed herself,
everyone had forgotten she needed help.
Goodbye cold world,
this was a story of a girl
who once loved everyone
then feared who it was who won.

A crowded table, all suspended in shock
The sound of the shot dimming to a ‘knock’
Only silence, except for the marching clock
The weapon still smoking; an anonymous glock
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Loud cries arise from the elongated table,
Jack Frost is shocked, the Tooth Fairy unable
To speak whilst Santa is checking the stable
For clues on the erstwhile maidservant Mable
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
They searched for hours, called in C.S.I,
Panic set in, would the children all cry?
Sandman confirmed the bunny had died
Batman suspected somebody had lied
WHO KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY?
Guests were quizzed, interrogations began
The mystery unfolded when Santa Claus ran,
Grabbing the pies, he tried escaping in a van
But was stopped in his tracks by superman
SANTA KILLED THE EASTER BUNNY!

We all been hurt by people in our life by something they said, did or did not do to you.
In fact, you have probably harbored a deep resentment toward them for the way they hurt
you.
It's not good for you to harbor such resentments
For they lead to anger and arguments.
Which is followed by violence.
Saying you sorry is the only way to make all this silence.
Try to figure out: was it an act of commission,
Or was it an act of omission
How can we really live without the word forgive
To excuse for a fault or an offense
That is an apology and just common sense
Most of the time you have to be the bigger person
Because if things is not resolved they seem to get more tensed, heated, and worsen
There will always be people who purposely abuse
So many lie and cheat and slander and manipulate and use
"Forgive...and be forgiven"
In the bible that is what is written
Forgiveness is God's wondrous gift
Jesus came to love, save, heal, and uplift

God Gave Me A Talent… I Didn’t Use It!
God gave me a talent, but I chose to refuse it.
I had it… But didn’t want to use it!
God also gave me the ability to use what was given.
But it just “didn’t fit in” with my style of livin’!
The talent he gave, he wanted for me to share...
Although I went to church… I just didn’t care!
I was like someone who “buried the talent in the ground.”
When God came looking… I was nowhere to be found.
I was embarrassed of what he gave and ashamed.
I didn’t want to talk about Jesus,
or mention his name…
I wanted to be careful of who was my friend.
If I were to use God’s talent, I may easily “offend.”
We all have talents. God’s given them to each one.
He’s given to us his spirit and Christ Jesus his son!
All that we need to accomplish his purpose and goal…
He wants to use us! He loves us more than we know!
Will you “bury” the talents that God’s given to you?
Or will you just “turn your back” like others do?
He has a divine will for us all. A purpose and plan!
He waits for you… With an outstretched hand!
Won’t you allow him to use you HIS way?
Please do it now! Listen to what HE has to say!
HIS blessings in your life is for you to receive!
Reach out to him now! Trust and believe.!
By Jim Pemberton

Political Correctness Brings Weakness!
In our country’s pursuit of “political correctness…”
We’re not in a position of strength… But weakness!
It’s like you can’t hardly say anything anymore…
And you find yourself outside the courtroom’s door!
We may think we’re strong… But we’re weakened!
You may ask; “how could all of this happen???”
We’ve attempted to replace God with a “new morality.”
This has brought a new generation of “moral depravity.”
We bend our laws to what is called; “constitutional.”
And forget about what is truth! And what is biblical!
Even the ten commandments are often ridiculed and scorned.
As a great rise of ungodly living has been formed!
A tide of sexual perversion is what has taken place!
Bringing into my homes, much heartache and disgrace!
God’s truth is often “thrown out,” and avoided!
While a “new kind of living” has often been decided!
We need YOU Jesus! Now! More than ever before!
Our sins, on the old rugged cross, is what he bore!
Jesus is the answer to our problems! He is the solution!
His blood can take away all of the sinful pollution!
Please dear lord, touch and convict us with your power!
Please heal this nation! We need YOU this hour!
By Jim Pemberton 09/30/13

I’m not the kind of person I need to be!
There’s too many problems inside of me!
I’m not the kind of person you’d want to know…
I’ve too many worries and a troubled soul!
I’m the kind of person who has a lot of stress!
Lately, my life has been one big mess!
I’m the kind of person who doesn’t have a friend.
You listen to me now…
But may never see me again!
I’m the kind of person who’s gone through pain!
I wake up some days,
and don’t even know my name!
I may not be the kind of person you’d
want to be around.
I may get discouraged, and “get you down.”
I’m the kind of person who’s giving Jesus a chance…
I know he loves me! Whatever the circumstance!
I’m the kind of person who needs a lot of prayer!
I know that God listens! And is always there!
Please help me Jesus! That I may be set free!
May it be your love that others will see!
Thank you Jesus! For being my savior and friend!
You’re someone that this person can always depend!
I’m not the kind of person that Jesus wants me to be!
That’s why I need more of HIM!
And LESS of me!
By Jim Pemberton

Confused
If there were thing's I couldn't understand,you was one of them.
Going back and forth with one another,like the wind and does in the howls
of winter.You'd follow me to escape your own reality,only not knowing your shattering mine.You tell me to be me there was a time when I was me and you couldn't stand it like it was looking into the eye's of a demon.How should I respond? Running away only brings more then I can offer.
Now I'm drifting and everything left me,I'll suffer the venom of past and the reoccurring pains.
From the tell's of literature to the mounts of the great wars have I been able to tell just from their looks what they thought that very moment but as I look into your eye's does it not only confuse me it refuses to tell me the truth,why am I looking into my own eyes?
Let me touch your face.Let me look into your eye's.Let me see the truth which is clouded and locked away.Let me see your feelings fall from your eye's.
Burned. Chain. Shackled. Scared. Tortured. Entangled with lies.and yet harbors no hate toward anyone then yourself.How much do you loathe yourself? To the point your a sacrificial offering of your own whim's?
As I search for the truth,I see the many heartbreaks and the lies been told to help but nothing prevails. Yet you look at me looking for the same thing.
We're both confused? We're both in agony? We're the same?
This isn't right.This is a lie.I don't wish to see anymore.
I won't lose to this,nor bow down and be your toy.Yet when I'm close to you,it never cold.
Hold my hand as I fight with myself. Never mind hold me closer until neither of us is cold.Don't lie to me with those pleading eye's,that are like dark's as coal and beautiful as an onyx.
Let's be ourselves.Let's shut ourselves away from this world.Let's search for our own truth.But if there only fear in your mouth,then there's lies.I shall grab your heart and I will hold it like it was the last gem on earth.So scream,hate,and be gently.
I'm confused.Your confused.I will listen,if you will talk.
Have you ever heard these words before? I never have but I will say them to you,you who has the same pleading eye's as me.When we're so much alike yet so different to the point it confusing.

A Very Inviting Temptation!
I remember of a particular situation.
I was offered a very "inviting" temptation.
The situation I was in... I didn't belong!
And lost any sense of "right and wrong."
At first... I felt no guilt or shame.
And brought embarrassment
to my family's name.
I tried to explain this to my wife and kids.
I heard; "Dad... please... no more fibs!"
The Godly principles were "tossed to the side,"
As the sin inside caused arrogance and pride.
Soon, all in my life that truly mattered...
Was gone! My life was empty and shattered!
I was sorry for all of the problems I caused!
This time... I took a moment to pause.
I cried to God to rescue me from my sin.
I confessed! Would God help me once again?
I read in the Bible of Jesus’ grace and love!
This time the help I needed had to come from above!
I asked him for a fresh and brand new start.
He removed the stain from a broken heart.
He restored to me the joy I once had.
I'm so blessed! Jesus has made me glad!
Jesus is the reason I'm here today!
I LOVE HIM more than words can say!
By Jim Pemberton

Healing Can Only happen,
When the Pain is Gone!
Healing can only happen, when the pain
and damage are gone!
It can only come about, when there’s
no “lists” of wrongs!
People need to move ahead, and put all
of the past behind them!
And seek God’s forgiveness,
so his grace can find ‘em!
Too many carry a load of sorrow
and grief that they can’t afford!
They need to bring everything to Jesus,
and make him their LORD!
How can we experience healing,
if the suffering is still there?
How will we ever be able to love others,
and truly care?
May we all seek the kind of healing,
that only Christ can bring!
May we allow him to remove
all pain and suffering!
Jesus… We need your healing now! More than ever before!
It is your love that we must learn
to treasure and adore!
Please come now and refresh us with your awesome love!
The sweetness of your Holy Spirit, is a gift from above!
Thank you God! The pain is gone and the healing has come!
All praise, glory and honor to Jesus!
God’s anointed son!
By Jim Pemberton 10/19/13

She worry’s so much
She worries in case he’ll leave her
In her crazy kind of mind
Old memories they haunt her
And now they’ve made her blind
She does not see reality
She’s living in a dream
She’s built herself a nightmare
It’s just the way it seems.
She doesn’t see him laughing
And singing all the time
And how he is so loveable
And writes her lovely rhymes
How he cares so much when she is down
She never see those things
She sees the horror in her mind
That her thoughts so often bring.
When will she ever see him?
The way he really is
He’s wrote five thousand poems for her
All filled with loves sweet bliss
But is it not too late for her
When she lives back in the past
The damage done by foolish acts
It be so very vast
23 July 2013 @ 1250hrs

You left the best to meet the rest,
The best you left is now a gem.
I washed and watched to see her grow,
Now the world as seen her glow,
You turned around to steal my show.
You left your best in the lurch,
All she wanted was your touch,
I listened and attended to her fears,
Now she trust and breathe fresh air.
You turned around to take a glare.
You told your best she was a fool,
While her love for you was full,
I made her felt like she was a star,
Treated and loved her without a scar,
Now that she loved me from afar
You turned around to threaten her.
You had your chance to keep your best,
It happened to be that you were a pest,
Brought to her life to build a nest,
You had the chance but failed the test.
Now we feel so warm and proud,
All you can do is be a man.
Let your hope to return be gone.
Because my love for her is strong.
I will live my life to be her song.
Like words of praises on her tongue,
Watch us as we go forever young,
Next time you come across a queen,
You will never forget to be a man.
Poem by Ogunfowokan Kolawole

you meant nothing you never said
it still meant the world to me,
a shameful encounter,a sinful collabration
making a fool of myself again and again
the time you said youll never leave me right in to my eyes
can someone lie straight in your eyes?
The time you hugged me and said you care
can someone touch you and lie in your face?
you left me without a letter ,without a hug
millions broken,never knew someone could be heartless
i have grown old in the hopes of maybe
you would turn back and come to me
nothing needed but an apology
just tell me i was wrong , i shouldn't have done what i did
i should not have said something else, where there is nothing i feel
why is it so hard for our self esteem
to admit we are wrong, respect our fellow beings
indifferent to my emotions, it doesnt hurt anymore
are we actually humans,or some mind controlled robots
i long for the day when he would realize
how he shattered my beliefs and my desires
i know he's happy he has moved on
is that it? never to be held accountable for?
perhaps it was right , what goes around comes around
maybe karma was mistakenly brought to my door
i wish he stays happy,i dont have any grudge
i cant be burdened with one more regret
life is unfair, painful as we move on
just hard to believe,its us , we are the morons
we know the pain,we still hurt others
its not life thats hurtful, its us
everyone so anxious in running the race
knocking others out to get to the finish line
so selfish and needy we are blinded with lust
in the end man realizes ,what was it worth?
you may win the race , be crowned the king
and proudly you'd walk back to your home
sit on the couch sip hot chocolate
in the darkness of the night, youll try not to fight
think about your achievements laugh and smile
no one to cheer you, you look left and right
what is the use of being a lonesome winner?
when you have stabbed everyone to get to the position
I would rather be in a group of losers
where we all cry together at our failures
we dont have much, but we have each other
we sleep on the ground,amazing dream world there is
no pillow for our heads, no covers on our beds
but our dreams are so beautiful, we'd never want to miss
you may sleep on your silk covers with a beautiful woman on your side
you close your eyes and hear from within, deep sighs
you cant sleep peacefully on your victorious covers
remembering what youve done ,a cloud of regret hovers
or maybe you are indifferent, its not a big deal
one day it will, you will know how i feel

I have so many emotions caught up inside of me,
There are times they overflow and push me to my knees.
However the part that truly bothers me, is when
I am roughly pressed by others, sometimes they
take control and I say things that I honestly regret.
When this happens I strive to apologize and make
it right. However there are times that no forgiveness
comes forth and this is when deep in my heart and
mind I am trapped and fret.
I feel such shame for the words I spoke in anger and
the sting of pain they brough to a brother or sister,
as well to myself. Sometimes I want to rip the heart
that betrayed me out of my own chest. To purge
the emotions from it that caused me to fall.
To erase all the words from my mind that could
ever cause me to repeat such offense. However
I realize I am only human and that
it is impossible.

December 18, 2012
Beautiful lies known as little white lies
yet one is no more deceptive than each
The truth is what makes it afraid of light
It's important we practice what we preach
Imagination built on lies destroy
Imagination built on truth create
Conquering evil we try to avoid
Tooth fairy, Halloween, Santa abate
Perceptions and images make it real
Origins of Pagan rituals true
We've wandered down this path for a bum deal
Now more lies are created all brand new
The mask behind a beautiful white lie
is the truth with a constant shield, but why?

Here in the middle of the nothing I'm lost, I've wanted every single thing for me, i
wanted something better, but i just noticed that i already had every singel thing i
wanted, every single thing i needed, now i'm sailing alone looking for that thing i've
lost and now i need, i've lost something the biggest chest wouldn't hold, the money
wouldn't buy, i've lost you my heart.
to: ashton, the girl i miss so much

Oh! Humanity,
How you’ve completely lost your sanity.
Did you forget how to grow?
Every one of you was planted row by row.
Did your heavenly Father not nurture you with love?
Did He not make the rains fall from up above?
Oh where is your heart?
Who gave you your first start?
Oh! Humanity,
What vanity!
Oh! Humanity,
What profanity!
Daylight hours just wash ashore,
With simple lives from once before!
Have you forgotten your heavenly Mother?
And what about your heavenly Brother?
Where is your Godforsaken mind?
What happened to being loving and kind?
Oh! Humanity,
How you’ve provoked such a calamity!
® Registered: Ann Rich 2006

written 17th Sept 2013
When it comes to love, I AM poisonous
don't let me curse another, leave me loveless
For the first time in my life, I felt your pain and cried for your heart
my heart finally hurts, knowing I passed this pain from the start
Please find help to set your heart free
trust me, it's not a life you recover from easily
Damaged goods I told you, unrepairable
but some how, you managed the impossible
Unlovable for my entire life
yet you had no problem, getting me to become your wife
Yes, it's been more than both of us should have ever had to bear
at this moment, every cell in my body is overwhelmed, so I really do care
Please don't enter my life's pain and despair
you don't deserve it, you are so patient and filled with such love
I'm sorry I let myself fall in love knowing it would poison you
soul mates forever and eternity, my love belongs only to you...

Forgive me Father for I have sinned,
for being born with you to begin,
its been a long time since my last confession,
I don't wont your blessing,
lies and resurrection.
I don't believe in love, I don't believe in faith,
cant stand my own kind,
humble in hate,
I don't believe in truth, I don't wont to be saved,
erase me from your list,
buried, unmarked,
graved.
Abused as a child,
bloodstains of a man,
only shovel awaits,
forgive me if you can.

Anger consumed within me,
Rage passed continually by.
A mixture of blue and red,
Blinding the dim light inside me.
Once the light was like a flaming torch,
Such a torch that can be compared to the sun.
But even the sun rests, the flames can be vanquished
Only the night was witnessed until the morning dawned.
I was created to love you.
This was the only purpose,
But I chose to reject you.
How foolish of me to compose.
Given many chances to accept,
Welcome the love higher than my mother,
I was in an asylum locked by my choice.
"No more!" I uttered.
A glowing door suddenly appeared,
"Who could it be?" I questioned.
It opened; a figure so bright glanced at the corner,
"My child, fear not," the figure mentioned.
I took his offering hand.
Richness of everlasting springs of water,
The right hand of infinite life.
We departed blissfully as He catered
"Do not sow any longer, for you are here with your Father,"
I began to weep as a baby weeps for his mother.
"My child, for you were once lost but now have been found."
A final tear inching below, the Devil will no longer bother.

As sin and perversion often
become integrated…
So many lives and families
are being “disintegrated.”
Many are being driven by sin’s temptation force…
It’s no wonder much of this country
is way “off course.”
The morality and values that once made a great nation.
Are evaporating…. Leading to a
“spiritual separation.”
Love, honor, and respect of God…
Is often a “thing of the past.”
Anything of God seems to be
disappearing FAST!
God is our only hope! And him alone!
Only he can bring healing to our broken homes!
He’s the answer to this wounded nation, that bleeds!
It’s only God that can meet all of our needs!
He’s our provider… The great: “I am!”
Won’t you reach out to him?
And give him your hand?
Why not give him a chance? And allow him in?
A brand new life for you…
Is waiting to begin!
May we allow God’s holiness and love to reach
down into our hearts…
Asking; “Lord please forgive our sins!”
Is a good place to start!
By Jim Pemberton

People were
Many things.
Strange or not
People were
Different and
Odd and fun.
People were
Monsters but…
That’s not all
People were
And still are
Strange and odd.
People are
People. For
life is life.
Yet not.
Not is lies.
Truth seeps from
Every mouth
Lies, lies, lies
Move, move, move
But somehow
Lies prevail.
Lies are life.
Lies are death.
Lies are homes.
Lies are pain.
Lies are truth.
Yet somehow.
Truth prevails.
Truth is life.
Truth is death.
Truth is home.
Truth is pain.
Truth is lie.
Truth is that.
Lies will die.
Lies will cease.
Nevermore.
Truth will live.
Truth will be.
Forever.

What Kind of Life Will You Choose?
Have you thought about the kind of life that you’ll choose?
Will you live by man’s
or God’s set of rules?
There have been billions of lives that have come and went...
It’s heaven or hell, where your eternity will be spent!
Just think about the many lives that have come and gone…
Where is it that someone matters? Where do You belong?
There’s a savior in heaven, who knows each of us by name!
He’s the same God 2000 years ago! And remains the SAME!
He’s the God who created each of us!
From the dust of the ground!
A new life with Jesus Christ is just waiting to be found!
He’s the same God who’s gives everyone a choice to be made!
His life, for your life, is the price that he paid!
Thanks be to God! Thank you Jesus! For your glory divine!
You’re the answer to life! And the only hope for mankind!
Jesus is coming back very soon! Will you be ready to go?
Each day that you live… There remains a decision for your soul!
Glory to God in the highest! May it be forever said!
Jesus has brought the victory! He’s arose from the dead!
Hallelujah! Thank you Jesus for your blessing so real!
Behold! The same God today! The God of Israel!
The life that you choose… Is for you to decide!
If you choose a life of Christ…
You’re on the winning side!
By Jim Pemberton 10/13/13

You'll only collapse and fall and tear your knees open,
Shut your mouth, you cant even imagine what hell I've broken.
Blood leaking from my head everyday only makes me lose my mind,
You wouldn't even survive a minuet in my shoes if you were on my grind.
You say you know everything about me and how to live your own life,
but face it tho, every night your left alone sitting with a knife.
I defeated that part in life where i have to do something for someone,
walking around with my "Ex Wife" as if it were my gun.
So please stop talking like you know what you got your self into,
cause if i were you i would open my eyes and pray that I'm not true.
So here it is, if you want to walk a bit in these shoes of mine, go ahead,
But I can promise you only one thing, in the end you'll end up Dead.

Some Advice in This Sonnet
A few words of advice in this sonnet:
Don’t hurt, if you too don’t like to be hurt.
When bad deeds return, you might regret it.
So watch your deeds, and take care of your words.
Always know that from above you’re being watched.
On your right and left are angels writing –
Collect whatever good deeds you may lack,
To please God and meet Him while He’s smiling.
Avoid supplications prayed against you,
Especially those of righteous Muslims.
Beware of everything you see and do –
Know that on Judgment Day, you’ll be questioned.
Obey Allah’s Rules, and good you shall get.
If you displease Allah, yours is regret.
Miriam / Mariam Mababaya

mama how do i tell you its bad again
how the voices are telling me its okay to hurt
they want me to fall
to fall from the top of buildings
and not get up
but don't worry mama
i plan to shut them up
mama how do i explain how the pain has returned
all you wanted was me to be better
i tried and tried and tried and tried
but in the end, the crazy won
they drive me crazy to no end
i want to make it stop
but don't worry mama
i have a plan
mama i cant tell you how it feels
to be sunken to the depths of earth
angels are soaring above me
but their happy gazes hurt
i need this incessant chatter to go
to hurt me, to hate me
it all feels so real
but don't worry mama
it wont soon
mama i can see the look in your eyes
it hurts me too that this is goodbye
cant you see this is the only way
for the voices to vanish but my body stay
goodbye and farewell
ill miss you so much
but don't cry mama
ill be better now

Without him beside me, my future seems so bleak, being naïve,
i was told he was not meant for me. Ignoring this world of cruelty
and its power tear our world apart. Now sitting i ponder why I being so naïve from the very start
My tomorrow will never come, for I will forever live in his yesterday. Turning my back on the one who loved me in every single way.
Not even time can heal a shattered heart, but I guess somewhere in his heart he loved me after all
Many times I’ve dreamt of him and unable to hide my tears,
As I reminisce that sad day I decide we go our separate ways,
I pinch myself, as in a dream, knowing it is not true,
How could I let go of such a man, no woman would ever do.
I remember the look in his eyes when he dropped by and found my note. Pain crippled on his face leaving such a heart in pain, as he read along “My heart is with you but I will forever be alone, never will you and I share a place of our own. Rejected by all to cross the color line thinking my love is blind".
If again such a love should come my way, I’d break free of those dark days I’d confess my true heart and reject the rest and break through this racial barrier and fallow my lovers path wherever he lead to ease this heart that beat to grieve.

How is a child suppose to succeed,
if you're not there when he is in need?
How is a child who father claims that he is always too busy,
trying to get through life that is not that easy.
How is a child that is mostly abused,
really knows how it is to feels not to be used?
How is a child that cries at night,
knows when to smile when he sees that true light?
How is a child who no longer wants to live,
will know all the good things that life has to offer him, if he did?
So little answers, too many questions,
So why do we take the time to ask them?

My parents taught me the Christian ways.
I was taught to obey what the Bible says.
I was proud of my parents! I really was!
And loved them so much… Just because!
They meant everything to me! I was proud!
Until one day... There appeared “a dark cloud.”
It was like a “darkness” hovered above.
Leaving their marriage empty of needed love!
Though they were together many years.
There were many cracks that soon appeared.
I say a once happy home soon destroyed.
Being with one another…. They no longer enjoyed!
How could this happen! I had wondered…
To see a happy marriage “totally plundered
As sin crept in... And allowed to prevail.
Very soon this marriage simply failed.
May this be a warning for me and you…
That our commitment remains faithful and true!
If your marriage is heading toward separation…
Please seek God for a healing and restoration!
If your planning to have a divorce..
Jesus’ love can put it on the right course!
He can replace the brokenness and hurt within..
And can put your lives back together AGAIN!
By Jim Pemberton

If you want me to express,
Then let me progress.
If you love me,
Give me a break,
'Cause thinking of it,
I may not stay...
If you love me,
Let me lead,
If you love me,
Let me go deep,
If you love me,
I may love you,
If you love me,
Just let me be.
What if you die?
What if I'm gone?
Do you know me?
We all have secrets...
If you are hurt,
I might burn,
If you cry,
I might cry,
If you win,
I might lose,
If you bleed,
I might bleed,
If you live,
I might live.
We all have sins,
We all have burdens...
We can hear,
We can see,
We can know,
We can think,
We can feel,
We can comprehend.
Sorry.
Just let me be.
Because life and time aren't eternal,
They aren't meant to last forever...
Please,
Sorry.
Just let me be...

I lay, dripping, soaked within a dark sweat,
seeing and hearing your soft voice abet.
I want to run, to leave this merciless realm,
but you pull me closer, without a choice at helm.
Get out of my dreams.
I miss you, but I hate you, every last memory.
You taunt my every being, you’re all that I see.
I see you in the crowds, or when I’m all alone.
You’re here and there, on your heartless throne.
Why couldn’t you stay?
Get out of my life.
I hear your laughter and see your beautiful smile.
Once so beautiful, now helping others with guile.
You’re now decayed, withering into shallow dust.
I loved you so much, and never again will I trust.
Get out of my head.
Tears I weep, when others aren’t around to see –
I remember the days, the months and years I bleed.
I try to forget, and to hate you and your choices.
But all I can hear are these damn forgiving voices.
Maybe I am what you proclaim me to be.
Was I really that monster, that demon you see?
I hate what I love and love what I hate.
I try to erase our past, and to claim it our fate.
But I can’t let go, you’re all that I hear and see.
I wished you could have loved, that loathsome “me”.
Get out of my heart.

Drifted along with vicious tides
A soul in distress, lost, astray
No reason to reincarnate life
A lifeless burden, here, I lay
In caress of the finest, a desired reverie
My dwelling, a fantasy of idyllic presence
Behind the facade, a spirit yearns to be free
My world, as hollow as its glitter, in essence
Forsaken by all, yet I thrive to exist
Holding on to a beacon near end
At the verge of sanity, I strive to resist
For a glimpse of your smile gives me life my friend

He swifts on by like a moon lighted night.
He shines bright for a moment in time.
His arm's always open with warmth.
His smile always bigger then everyone elses.
His heart of rage and fire.
He swifts on by, he swifts on by.
Who will know the true man within.
The man thats full of sin.
No one can, no one can, for we are all just man...

It’s been years and I did nothing but watch the walls crack
I look everywhere and see a glimpse of things I missed
I try to go back to do things that was undone
But what’s in the past can never be undone
I’m so littler now
Stuck in the jail of my heart
Broking to pieces
Barely breathing
weeping bitterly for my savior
I’m sorry for I left you for so long
I’m ashamed of holding you
You were the only one who gets me
You’ve always been here through my ups and downs
And I simply walked away from you
I always exploded all my feelings to you
You did nothing but listen
Never judge me with a glance
I’ve hit you
Threw you
Broke you
You’ve always forgave me
And came back
You always knew what was really there
I didn’t need to show you for you to see
I spilled my heart to you
Without even saying a word
You just simply knew
You helped me find my words
To show the world
As it is from my heart
For they need lots of words to understand
With just a movement of my hand
You helped me draw my dreams my thoughts my unspoken words
On these wet forgotten papers
Gave it a new life
A new story to share
I promise ill never leave you again
Forgive me, My Pen My savior

Jesus, Help Me to Have Good Thoughts!
There’s thoughts and images Satan plants in my head.
I know that he ultimately wants me spiritually dead!
He tries to twist the truth into a “false reality.”
But wants me to end up as a spiritual fatality!
There are many crazy dreams that are out there!
It’s the evil and sinful ones that Satan wants in there!
I know this very well! And have failed many times!
I know it was wrong… But I didn’t commit a crime!
But I’ve taken what God beautifully designed…
By allowing ungodly thoughts to enter my mind!
I need to allow God’s spirit and words to cleanse me!
No matter how many things try to distract me!
God’s word is truth and is always 100% pure!
It’s the only thing that can make my life secure!
Anything else is falso! And a strong delusion!
If I allow my life and mind to be filled with pollution!
I ask for Jesus’ blood and forgiveness to be applied!
Anything that I need… God has already supplied!
I ask for the Holy Spirit to help and bring about!
The cleansing of the filth, in my life throughout!
Please dear Jesus, touch and heal me once again!
By the renewing of your blood, and taking away my sin!
By Jim Pemberton

I walk dark
Mid night camouflage my face
Provide sanctuary against
Malicious souls and deadly spirits
Who seek to pick my life to insanity
Who offer my body up as road kill
A decade ago, five years ago, yesterday, tomorrow;
Smiles bright as the sun in mid sky
Grins at dusk
Sneers at twilight
Mocks mid night;
Flesh pick from
Blue black brown bodies
Peel back by hot coal
Set to noose five hundred years of dreams;
I slide through the darkness
Naked
For safety
Mid night camouflage my likeness
Blinds malicious souls and deadly spirits to my breath;
I watch
Listen
As siblings dressed in multi-colored joys
Are picked insanely from life
Torn from the fabric of their mid day lies
By truth of white fire
Rope
Tar
Blood.

We need more money we're nearly poor,
and with that said she shut the door.
In the car he sat an waited,
is this worth it to myself I debated.
I opened the door and slid into the car,
inside myself my heart had a million scars.
When the car pulled off I filled with fright,
as he stroked my leg and squeezed it tight.
He then pulled over to an empty street,
that's when I realized he's really a freak.
There he did it, I didn't dare to scream,
for all I know he could get mean.
I got out of the car with my tank top and mini skirt,
with tears in my eyes about how much it hurt.
Standing on the corner with ten dollars in my hand,
but yet i love her, why I don't understand.

While preparing for the yard sale…there it was…
Just as tiny as I cautiously recalled
It is your hospital bracelet…
Amongst the many papers sprawled
Momentarily, I remembered seeing your tiny toes…tiny nose…
I pictured your precious little face…
I recalled how much your angelic demeanor
and innocent charm led my thoughts to race
I often think about you still today
I wonder what lied ahead
What had become of your precious little self…
Did you have children and wed?
Forever doubting but knowing
I had made the right decision
Fully certain still today
With selfless, caring precision
I wonder if you ever thought of me…
Wondered what I was like
I wondered if you knew how much you meant to me…
Or were you purely full of spite?
Soon, I am leaving this world…
And as for me, you will never know
You will not know my true unselfishness…
Since I have no more candles left to blow
I will always treasure you…my love
I will always value the very few moments we had
I will always keep you close to my heart
So there is no reason to be sad
So please, my true prize, my little one …
All doubts, please cast aside
For my tiny little treasure …your bracelet…
Will forever be at my side
*******************************************************************
Note: Please note that I wrote this in first person just to add drama to the story.
This is 100% fictional and not based on my life. I hope I did the subject justice.
******************************************************************
****Written for Paula Swanson's Yard Sale Contest*****
Won 1st Place!!!

I cannot get into heaven
God I have tried!
Suicide is a double edge sword
Especially when you survive!
Walking the streets at night
Dazed and confused
Longing to be loved
Wondering...
When is Mum, coming for me?
"Does she still love me?"
"Does she still care?"
"Does she still think of me?"
"Does she wonder, where I am?"
I want her to come find me
I want her to say she 'loves me’
I want her to comfort me
I want her to take me home
And keep me safe
And not forget hat I exist
Like the way she treats me now
I wish God
Could make my Mum
Magically appear
Making this hellish nightmare
On the street
Disappear!
“Send my Mum please!”
So, all this can end!
Before this last ray of hope
Diminishes for good!
I don’t want to become
The walking dead
Forever forgotten as if
I was never born!
For this is the cruel, harsh reality
Of living life, feeling unloved
Uncared for, abandoned,
Left to fend for my own
A dangerous killer inside me
Eating away, at my soul
Something, no one can see
As I suffer in silence
My insides crippling!
Lost, alone and frightened
Weeping on a dirty
Graffiti park bench
Dirty tears
Rolling down my cheeks
Stuffing newspapers under my jumper
To keep myself warm
“What am I going to do?”
“Will I make it through the night?”
“Will I get raped and beaten?”
"Will I be left for dead?”
“Will I survive
To see another day?
“Is my life worth living?”
Please God, I beg of you
Have mercy now
Please show me the way!

Introduction: At some point of our lives, someone close to us departs off to the next
phase. We think of the good times and try not to think the bad; but sometimes it haunts us
back to how we responded in a naive way for our juvenile wishes. And sometimes we see them
in our dreams at the utmost optimism and glory. But the fact that we get to realize what
we did back then may have cherished and broken their souls in some ways, we always wonder
if we could alter the deeds that wounded their affection in our times of immaturity…And
pray that we get a second chance to do so for our next life. *the first two lines have some inspiration from another piece*

Even if our hearts were as strong as a storm, we’d still feel a little bit sad
Knowing that we’ve lost our grandfather, our friend, our dad.
For so many years, we’ve felt their presence
In so many ways, we’ve felt complete,
But truly, even if we deny – We sometimes skip a heartbeat.
Our lives are nothing but their memories and their art,
Orbiting us each day, reminding us of who we are
Where we stand and to whom we belong,
We pray and cry up oceans for them night after night
Praying to be together just one more time, in the worlds of light.
But yes you are so fortunate, that you got to leave,
You’ve made it to the greater step, I pray for us to meet.
May your soul be blessed and may it shine brighter than the sun, Again and again
‘I love you’ it’s not a lie, I may not have said it that much
But I hope you knew inside, even if I may have been unkind as such
Nothing is left for us to do but feel the tears stream down our eyes
For we, once in a while have broken their hearts with one or two lies,
Their face glows and vividly fades away from our dreams those nights
That’s when we fall, fall down to our knees, pray for we could have changed
The ways we reacted back in those days.
Thoughts of those moments, thoughts of their sorrow smile
Now makes us realize how we never cared,
For that to overcome, we treasure the good times we’ve shared,
The times we’ve heard them say “You’ve made me proud”
The times we’ve felt them lay their hands, oh so be crowned.
Their tender touch, their forgiveness
Their blessings for us and their happiness,
We pray to feel it all again
Bring it all again,
To the eternal life, after this time.

For many years... My life has been
an embarrassment!
Filled with hopelessness
and discouragement!
Many things I thought I had enjoyed...
Have left in me... A large and empty void!
Many nights, I would
cry myself to sleep.
Knowing the hole my life was in,
was very, very deep.
Then one day, I called out to God!
I wasn’t sure if he’d listen!
My family, my old church,
I was now missin'.
My family prayed for me for so many years.
I often brought them embarrassment and tears.
God... I tried everything else...
I want to come back to you!
I need you now Jesus! I really do!
Please come into my heart,
and cleanse me within!
Set me free from all addictions and sin!
I know that you will never let go of my hand.
My whole life, on your word,
I shall now stand.
Only you can satisfy the emptiness in my soul!
I am now complete,
satisfied, and made whole!
By Jim Pemberton

Earth’s natural gemstones thunder down
Miriards of multi sized scattered diamonds tumbling
trained jewels, beads, roll down roof glazing
Tiny shards of light begin to bounce, dance and reflect magnificantly
At first twinkles of days sunlight peep from behind storm clouds
Enters sunrise, day breaks
Vast darkness of night-times tears quickly disperse
evaporating to the brighter warmer climate
Nature’s tears are quickly dried
Outside still few mirrors remain reflecting the skies and beauty
Besides these little basins of wonder
patchy shadowed pavements still damp retract
As temperatures rise I recollect musing over shrinage of moisture
Just as the tides retrace their steps back to the oceans
But who ever sees their journey thereafter
The cycle of life continues whether we notice or not
So every droplet wasted counts
As climates change so must we
Earth and sea compositions alter
It’s down to us to make a difference
To help preserve and protect the living species
and precious commodities we need for every day living
before these treasures are lost, gone from our world altogether
Richer or poorer are we crumbling our planet
At the cost of bling we run down waste holes
Or leave to trail the land around us
Are we throwing our futures away
Should we not be evaluating the cost of new things precious
The waters of life, catch them if you can
Earths natural gemstones thunder down

there are 2 blank cards
in the angel card deck so
today I'm "depressed"
for this to be the
best country in the whole world
today it looks sad
just happy that I
was a member of the age
of Aquarius
our best hour was
revolution of 60's
created big change
now elephants rule
just capitalistic pigs
love hear themselves squeal

Perhaps you feel like your
life is “spiraling down”
It’s as if everything’s come
“crashing to the ground”
Is your lie filled with
A lot of apprehension?
Just living day by bay
with a lot of tension?
Maybe you’re at a “low point”
and very “distraught.”
In life’s circumstances…
you feel trapped and caught.
If you feel confused…
Like you’re in a “trance…”
God’s word says to TRUST HIM,
in every circumstance!
God’s here to pick you up,\
when you stumble!
He’s always do it,
And never grumble!
If life’s dealt you a bad hand,
don’t try name it!
Jesus loves you so much!
It’s hard to explain it!
All of heaven invites you to
Invite Jesus as your lord!
An eternal life with him,
can be your great reward!
By Jim Pemberton

In this wretched and dark place,
it's the only world I can show my face.
Ashamed of my love,
A past full of disgrace.
And yet all I want is to see your face.
But it's something I've longed to
erase.
Why do I love you so?
These crazy feelings they need to go.
You have my heart racing like i need to show,
my love for you but I just really don't know
how I love you so.
It's been a long wild trip,
but this I must rip.
And thats you from my heart
Yea that'd be a better start.
But here comes that thing again
you make me want to sing and then
You see right through me
do you know what you do to me
All these things I've done you see
Fueling my insanity.
Make me want to fall apart,
Spill knowledge from this broken heart.
All I ever wanted was to be set free,
Can you really not see all of what you've done to me?

If I just had one day left in life,
I'd rid myself of anger, envy, strife.
I'd hug those I loved dearly through the years,
And kneel to God, crying with bitter tears.
My prayer, dear God, extend my days to live,
For there's still one more person to forgive.
It's me, that comes regretting my despair,
Having lived a pauper's life seemed unfair.
I wanted to travel across the lands,
To see mountains high and the ocean sands.
How can I forget untraveled highways,
And be content at the end of my days?
For all that needs be done, God gives grace.
Fretting life ends, with hopes of better place.

My best friend, Suzanne, and I went to the same church.
I lived in Coral Gables; She lived in Cutler Ridge.
Her boyfriend went to my school; I had no boyfriend.
Being friends at church some of us talked at lunch.
Clayton was a spiritual, handsome, popular kid.
I was a shy and some said cute girl about 12 years old.
Girls my age living in Coral Gables could enter a pageant.
My parents saw me as Junior Miss Orange Bowl Queen.
But beauty goes more than skin deep and I was terrified!
I was so nervous that my ankles buckled while on stage.
Relieved, I was eliminated in the second round.
Being a looser was the least of my problems.
I needed a date for the Junior Orange Bowl Queen’s Ball.
Clayton lived in Coral Gables, too; so, I asked him.
I think we were all surprised when he said, Yes.”
I asked him because he was a friend and I felt safe.
Of course, Suzanne looked at it very differently.
She was hurt and they broke up not long after that.
I had a tonsillectomy on the day of the Ball.
My relationship with Suzanne was strained since that time.
I felt horrible about loosing our close friendship.
After high School, sadly, she ended communications.
Many years later, both of us married with children,
We visited at her home; she was dying. I cried.
It was then, when we were in our late thirties, that she asked.
Why, had I asked her, then, boyfriend, Clayton to the ball.
Being so young, and not understanding attraction, then,
I thought it would be okay; he was just a friend…
ã June7, 2012
Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen
Written for Poetry Soup Member Contest: ORNERY BEST FRIENDS
Sponsored by: Carol Brown

I Did Something That You Won’t Let Me Forget!
I did something recently, that I regret.
What it was. You won’t let me forget!
I said; “I’m sorry.” And tried to explain it!
But what I’ve done, you continue to name it.
You called me your friend, and offered assistance...
But any attempts to talk,
you offer resistance.
I heard you before. You quoted Bible verses.
Now you speak complaints and curses!
It seems like whatever I do or what I say.
You just wish, “I would go away!”
Where is God’s love, you once gave me?
Are you the kind of person,
God wants you to be?
I’m sorry of what I said and what I did.
I hope you find the power to forgive!
I’ve done my part. And that’s all I can do.
Now is your turn! The rest is up to YOU!
You can love me, or simply push me aside!
You can humble yourself, or be filled with pride!
The choices and decisions you make...
Please do it now! Before it’s too late!
I pray that God’s love, will touch your soul!
Walk in his forgiveness!
And BE MADE WHOLE!
By Jim Pemberton

The braeþ of lyf -- I've Learned to fear
Though, ta'en it was, so long sinsyne
I've wroot my song of skreighs
He tore the lyf out of me
In sooth did she speke this to me - Cassandra was she to me
Wistful - I am no bride to be
Wistful - is this soliloquy of skreighs
I cede to thee, deathly colleen
Though remains - façades of humanity
Angel kind - wicce of my welkin dreams
Casted by the lote of she
Ta'en the hollow Herefro way - ne'er!
Caught with twain
W'ie or swain
Angel dearest so fair - love does not share
Seemed a crux, when eath is lone
I rose for thee - cede all of thy love to me
Or was this not meant to be
Eros's deceit
So wistful - corpse bride I remain to be

Jesus, I Pray for My Brothers!
Years ago, I suggested to my brothers that we pray.
They simply laughed at what I had to say!
I thought it would be good to get together...
That God's love would bind our hearts forever!
Division took place and took the "upper hand."
I don't think they'd listen or even understand!
Over the many years that just went on by...
They never once took the time to say; "hi!"
Even though they never once seemed to care.
I decided to take some time in deep prayer!
It was like they would make fun of what I said.
At times, maybe they wished I were "dead."
At this time, there's a strong and powerful force
That's blowing their lives are way off course!
I pray that God's spirit will get a hold of them!
And let them now how much he loves them!
I pray that God's love will be the glue that binds them!
May God's mercy and joy be what finds them!
I pray that evil will not find it's way in their home!
And they would allow Jesus to rule on their "throne."
Even though they tried to cast me off, as a "fool."
It's God's words, in their lives, that must rule!
Jesus can turn around even the worst situation!
By the power of his glory and resurrection!
Please, dear lord, bind them forever as won!
Bless their home! Their daughters and sons!
By Jim Pemberton

Cold, callus, crying, shivering,
and covered in sweat.
Wondering what has happened.
Not yet understanding this fate I’ve met.
What of a guy that stumbled around,
just trying his hardest to show he’d been found,
after all he had just been purchased
from the human pound.
That promise to you.
Man I broke it.
I told you Id stop,
and for a time I did,
but that stuff two blocks away,
my will power just wasn't work-n.
My wrist watch again broken.
Always from the look on my face,
you could tell Id been smoke-n.
You tried.
You tried so hard,
but the mind wasn’t mine.
only a shell of what used to be,
all of me you were trying to find,
and I didn’t get this till my alone time.
I was pushing.
You were pulling.
Then it all pushed you away.
It was all down hill from here,
so naturally you couldn’t stay.
I sit here so sad
for the way you must of felt.
Let alone how you dealt.
Ill never understand how I could do this to you.
You're so prefect,
even your aura dances in ambient light.
You’re the best friend I could of had,
and that leaves me really mad,
that the rest of the world
may never know what we had.
The thing is I know now,
that you loving me.
This really was Much more,
than I loving you.
~Ha,Turned around this insecurity was always mine.~

It's the metal in my hand,
Like biting into an apple
The juice runs down my arm
Its nectar is what I need
To make me cede
Wanting it to be shown
What it feels like to be me
In the moment, I’ll give up hope
This is the only way I know how to cope
Will you just help me please?
Wanting someone to see
and just know what I mean,
What its like to fall
With no pit that compares to be this deep
Just want to hear my voice
Loud and clear
But as long as I hang here
I have no control
But to watch myself tear
This is what I've become
What I've done
Don't be surprised
For once actually look with your eyes
And you'll see the real me
Showing all the signs
Now I just ask you please
Hear me and take me out of my misery
Not asking to move a mountain over seas
Just lay it over me to let me be
Is it possible to think about anything but this?
Will the thought ever quit?
Pain over comes any thing
Including this
I want it to be seen
It’s how much it hurts
Not the scar it leaves behind,
But the stab that’s not seen
I will fall back into the hole
Hold my breath and do not breathe
Because today I wear my heart on my sleeve

FOREVER ANGEL.
Right?
There is always an angel there by your side at all times.
Even if you don't see or hear the angel, its always there.
Their there for you when things get tough. Right there by your side with an arm around your
sholder.
(God didn't promise that life would be easy.
But he did promise that he will be by your side every step of the way.)
If you just think about this when you're alone, you'll relize that you not alone.
*please comment if you like or just have a thought. (or fav poem if you like*
-Angel4eva23

Unbearable thoughts barreling through my head
Decaying in this silent chamber...
Where I desperately cry for help
Words come out useless...I have no capability to yelp
They haven't collapsed in the hands of the unforgiving jail-keeper
This pain grows in my bones...making me weaker
No one bothers to consider me
Circulated by envious glory
That snicker at my carrion body as it drops in dripping failures
Dragged by the sickening thought of living with jailers
As if i had no outlook to life...
I'm still placed in this cold-heartened chamber
Because I'm drenched in silence...
haunted by the deafening atmosphere
sensing a load of terrorized fear
Shame embraced me, never leaving my presence
Cautious of the hovering thoughts,
transforming itself into my dreadful, panicky past
This hopelessness doesn't seem to matter
In this chamber of deceitfulness
Someday...hopefully Someday...
This silent chamber will shatter
For now, I'll abide in this loathsome,
silent chamber
Until God, My Savior, will shatter this wretched place
Into smithereens

I'm here to tell you, if a man lay a hand on you, it's not love.
So don't you dare think it, it's time to move on and find you a new home.
But if you decide to take him back, expect for the worse.
Get ready for the apologizing and this is how it's gone go.
Well I'm sorry baby, it's not gonna happen again,
he will say that he is going to change,
so can we get back together again
Then he will do the same thing again if u take him back.
He will make you pay for doing that.
You may say to yourself that you love him.
But he don't love you too, so do what's best and let him loose.
You may not take my advice, your mother advice or your father advice.
So you are saying you rather fight, but it is not really fighting when he is only hitting you
And leaving bruises all over you.
Then you will hear the same thing all over again
Well I'm sorry baby, it's not gonna happen again,
he will say that he is going to change,
so can we get back together again
Most likely you will take him back again
Because you do love him, but the sad thing about it, he does the same thing all over again
Your life is still full of hearthache and pain
He puts you in the hosoital this time
You still belive he hasn't commented a crime.
Your family talks to you about it, and the police do too
You say you rather not file charges. and your family says he don't love you
But you still believes he do
So he shows up at the hospital and says the same thing again
Well I'm sorry baby, it's not gonna happen again,
he will say that he is going to change,
so can we get back together again
But again you take him back, at first he real sweet and nice.
He takes you out to dinner, and tells you sweet things in you ear.
What he doesn't know you really don't want him near.
Then down drops a tear, you ask him do he love you?
He just sits therer with starer.
Then he says I do love you, more then life itself.
He reaches over to kiss you.
You move back with fear.
He says come on we're going home dear.
Then when yall reach the house, he hits you in the mouth.
Sop then he knocks you to the floor.
Then you say, "No More"
You get up and run to the closet, and pull out a gun.
You point it at him. and told him to get back
You say that you are leaving, and your not coming back
He says you're not leaving, and charge you with force.
Which we all know it wasn't, you will charged with murder one, and tell me what for
What did he ever do for you , but not love you

Life as an Addict
Life as an addict, life as an addict
Life as an addict is like running into
A reinforce cinderblock wall
Losses after losses
Virtually
Ending in a jail cell or luxurious casket
Day after day the addiction keeps at it
Eventually
Opening doors to the soul
Stepping inside leading you down
A wicked and dark passage
Ultimately
Leaving you naked
Clinching your wounds
Shattering dreams
Low self – esteem
Thoughts in captivity
Life of misery
Life as an addict limited imagination
Waste of God’s creation
But forgiven
Evil, dark passage
Reinforce walls, jail cell
Lost soul, luxurious casket
Life as an addict, life as an addict
Life as an addict.

My granddaughter was a sparkle in everyone's eye,
She brought happiness to everyone,
But her life didn't seem long enough,
To see the joys yet to be done.
Her life came to an end,
Not by our choice,
God called her back,
To watch over us and make us realize our choices.
She was always happy,
And full of joy,
She always helped us realize,
There is always more to life than just toys.
Never forget the people close to your heart,
Because if you do,
They can disappear when you least expect it,
And never be there anymore for you.

You are my love,
my hearts content.
you are my life,
a life ideal.
you are my joy,
and you are my happy.
happiness like no one else can bring.
you are my hopes,
and you are my dreams.
you light up my life.
you are my everything.
you are my fear,
and frustration.
you are my pain,
and you are my anger.
you bring out the best of the worst in me.
you are someone to blame,
someone to hurt,
someone who is no one who deserves the anger inside of me.
you are my child.
A child you should be,
I should love you as God intended.
I wish someday our bond can be mended.
I have made choices, i can not take back.
I can not make up for the motherly lack.
circumstance and situations have put me here,
feeling hopeless and living in fear.
anxiety has stricken me,
I have succumb to my disease.
giving up on what i believe,
I have become someone in need.
I can no longer give my love,
my patience has run dry.
my heart has grown cold,
my eyes can no longer cry.
Forgive me for the mistakes I have made,
forgive me for the pain in your heart,
forgive me for the tears in your eyes.
I too am a child, learning how to become wise.
I love you child of mine

I Was In A Place Where I Didn’t Belong!
I was in a place where I knew I didn’t belong!
God’s spirit was there… But the flesh was strong!
I felt alluring voices almost “overwhelm me.”
There were so many temptations that surrounded me!
I could feel the pull! The tugging of my heart!
I knew this was going to happen! From the start!
As I began to feel many voices, pulling my spirit.
I wanted to run, but could not seem to do it!
In one moment of hopelessness, to Jesus I cried!
I couldn’t run from this! No matter how hard I tried!
Just when I thought that there was not a way out!
I remember what some of the Bible was about!
I knew that if I cried to Jesus, he’d be there to help me!
No matter the temptation! And how it tries to “trip” me!
Before I was going to do something, I shouldn’t do…
I heard God’s voice say; “My son, I’m here to help you!”
I felt the hand of God, reach down and touch my soul!
I knew that God was there, and it was time for me to go!
I jumped up and out of there, as fast as I could run!
Any “excitement” was gone. I was not having “fun!”
Whatever temptation I gave up, was worth avoiding!
A life with Jesus and family is what I’m enjoying!
Thank you my Lord! For your patience and kindness!
You’ve filled my life with your love and brightness!09/04/13

My Dear World,
I owe you an apology;
Forgive me
for I have distorted thee:
lying passionately,
I failed to accept you
by chimera deceptional
I wanted to surmount you
believing myself
to be exceptional.
Forgive me My World
my bitterness,
narcissism
and selfishness;
for a fool I was
since the truth
was consciously unknown to me
thus calamitious the discovery would be.
Please forgive me
all the souls my ambition eradicated,
all the feelings my sharp tongue destroyed,
all the emotions my cold heart repudiated,
for how much all those deeds I enjoyed.
I was then infected;
the infection seemed incurable
as I wanted it to be -
or wasn't I aware how diseased I was?
My Dear World,
I owe you an apology;
Forgive me
my blindness
to the beauty of life;
With myself in centre
I would not look around
for distorted was my perception
by a deceitful projection
of perfect me in faulty universe.
My Dear World,
Thank you
for
instant recovery of my senses,
the wisdom you blessed me with,
the pain myself was redefined through.
Yester year
I reached the deepest depth
slowly losing my pride -
my psyche was nearing death
in plight I could hardly abide -
I understood a mere human I am.
Now I laugh
enjoying my life
every day forsooth
heartily
and with ruth.
Thank you
My Dear World
Please, forgive me.

I've been your friend,
deep down into the well,
and on the highest hill.
I have accepted your faults,
weaknesses,
your constant guilt.
I encouraged you to move on,
become better,
to get away from who you were.
But my dear friend,
it's all over now.
I confided in you,
my mistake,
you were still in a drunken stupor.
You said you wanted the truth,
so I took my heart out,
there you became a butcher.
I thought you could accept me too,
but you just dug into the secret inside,
and there I would lie.
You say it's the alcohol talking,
you were just wasted,
but that's no excuse.
And my dear friend,
it's all over now.
Maybe with me gone
you could get the hint.
You need to get out of all this.
I watched you lose love,
after love,
because of your closest friend,
your drink,
your novocaine.
Now it's one more loss for you.
My dear friend,
I wish you would just listen.
It's time for you to take a solid hint.
Your novocaine will kill your soul,
become your pain,
and you will never know,
what I know.
That all you do,
your dear friend and you,
is drive out everyone who truly cares for you.
And because of this,
the years I have sat by,
and watched you drink away your life,
I must say this very day.
It's all over now.
Our unending friendship,
it must now end.
I pray that one day you sober up,
but till then,
my dear friend,
it's all over now.

You’ll write a beautiful melody,
If it’s truly from the heart.
So first I’ll find the remedy,
To cure mine of the dark.
But holy light and blind eyes,
Are keeping me apart,
From the answers, to the questions,
that are making things so hard.
Find me a sin,
You think that I wouldn’t commit.
And use it to begin,
To make me laugh again.
Find me a loose end,
I don’t know how to tie.
Sometimes I wish for the truth,
But all I get are lies.
I don’t need the good life,
I just want a sliver.
You say always go for gold but I,
I’m fine with a lining that’s silver.
I can live with a just a hand to hold,
But who could love a sinner?
Maybe I can hide inside the dark,
So turn the lights down dimmer.
I said find me a sin,
You think that I wouldn’t commit.
And use it to begin,
To make me laugh again.
Find me a loose end,
I don’t know how to tie.
Sometimes I wish for the truth,
But all I get are lies.

My heart is crushed yet is hushed,
I feel rushed,
Six years was long,
I felt there is something wrong,
When I am with you, I don't feel strong,
Strongly feel things are prolonging.
Promises that you made,
Nothing came along, yet it fade.
Time is wasting into nothing,
Nothing worth while to keep.
We are still in step one,
My veins are popping out of anger,
My head is blowing out of pressure.
The storm has come,
My face is blank with no expressions,
Should I run?Panic?Relax?
Sorrow comes with a flow,
The mistakes that I made it shows.
Scared to face my fear,
Yet is near my dear,
Running without a parachute,
Walking on the clouds,
Not sure where life is taking me?
Curiosity kicks in,
Was all this a a long dream?
I want that dream to be true,
Your multi-personality is suffocating me,
Feeling your unpleasant status,
Makes me not want to be with you,
Question,questioning, questions?
You are unbalancing my weight,
I have always know that you are the one,
Until you ruined everything of my existence,
With a long distance,
Now you made me unsure,
You are changing in a bad way,
I am scared to love you,
Because I don't recognize you as you.

The blood on the knife gleamed in the moonlight
His hand shook as rage blinded his sight
The body at his feet steamed in the evening cold
A carpet beside it in which it would soon be rolled
What made him do it he couldn’t have said
All he knew now was that someone was dead
He remembered the scream in his ears
His face wet with fallen tears
A crime of love that had fallen apart
A crime committed that broke his heart
The love of his life had betrayed him he knew
He had the proof from which his anger grew
The pain he felt was too much to bear
As he stood and all he could do was stare
His wife was beautiful but now she was gone
He didn’t know if there was a way he could go on
So he raised the knife to his own heart
And plunged it forward hoping for a new start
Fallen in betrayal because of love
The new pair of spirits rose to the sky above
The police on the scene found the note
And all eyes let loose tears for what he had wrote
The man in the picture was his own brother
He said that he had never loved another
He was sorry for what he had to do
But above else he was sorry for the life he slew
His brother was there and his tears flowed
For the one person in his life he had never told
His brother would never hear him say the words
For now he flew high with the birds
“I love you,” he whispered to the sky
And his brother heard them from on high
In one second his brother he forgave
And then he rested comfortably in his grave.

I look into the mirror and see a reflection,
A familiar face not quite perfection.
I see all the mistakes that I’ve made,
As time goes by they begin to fade.
I look into the mirror to see my face,
But my innocence was lost without a trace.
The sweet daughter I was once before,
Now telling lies and storming out the door.
I look into the mirror and a tear runs down my cheek,
Hitting rock bottom made my heart and soul weak.
Searching for strength but seeming like all was lost,
Never stopping to think of how much mistakes cost.
I look into the mirror and see lessons learned,
From all the broken roads on which I’ve turned.
Stumbling through darkness all alone,
Hoping for something, anything to guide me home.
I look into the mirror and see a reflection,
A familiar face getting closer to perfection.
Making right what once was wrong,
My soul now sings a joyful song.

This is not my WORLD.
You're my WORLD.
You're my EVERYTHING.
You're the FLOWERS, the GRASS,
You're my THOUGHTS,
You're my EVERYTHING.
This is not my WORLD.
You're my WORLD.
So now.....
be part of my.....
LOVE.
*please comment if you don't mind, i'd really like to know your thoughts (fav poem if you like)*
-Angel4eva23

I'm naked
I'm numb
I'm stupid
I'm staying
This isn't love. You use me.
When you get home from the club or wherever you've been late at night,
You're clumsy with your hands.
Clothing seems too hard to get off.
And if Cupid's got a gun
Then he's shooting
But I can't leave.
No matter what happens, it's too painful to go.
Lights black
Heads bang
You're my drug
We live it
We're too uncomfortable with the lights on.
I don't want to see your face-
Slurred, clueless.
Angry.
You don't want to see mine-
Helpless, confused.
Depressed.
You're drunk
You need it
Real love,
I'll give it
Everything is hazy to you.
I bet you can't feel.
But I'll love you anyways.
I always have.
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
And love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
This has gone on forever, to me.
I'll try to be like you,
To see what it feels like.
I drink the last bottle of vodka
And hold onto you.
You've wasted your times
On my heart, you've burned
And if bridges gotta fall
Then you'll fall, too
Maybe this is the part of life
That people told me about
It doesn't mean anything
It hurts you.
You grow so attached that when one piece collapses
You do too.
Doors slam
Lights black
You're gone
Come back
You leave when the ordeal is over
Because you couldn't really care less when you're sober
You don't have a reason anymore
Stay gone
Stay clean
I need you
To need me
I want you to be happy
To be the way you were before.
But I think without you,
Even though I only see you late at night,
I would be destroyed.
So we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
I'm getting up to leave
The keys are for you
Now we're bound to linger on
We drink the fatal drop
Then love until we bleed
Then fall apart in parts
But I'll come back soon
I'll come back

Does it upset you that what you want is no longer what I want?
That your urges make me smile? (In a devious manner)
That watching you hold back, feeling that tension between us,
It just feels,
so
damn
good?
Because I’ve found something so much
Better,
And I can look at you and just not care anymore.
Your eyes full of this lost passion,
Screaming to find it within me..
…yet again.
But this time, this time I have more than you, I have more than me.
Something I wouldn’t have believed.
It’s opened me up, made me realize so much more about me, about life.
I will not be taken advantage of
You can no longer hold me hostage, bound within your words..
…your lies.
I’m not sorry I’m happy
I’m not sorry you can’t use me
I’m not sorry I can’t use you
but it’s that little bit of tension that held us together
I’m sorry for that
And I’m sorry its gone
I let go
I gave up
On the little hope of being something,
And with that the little friendship we had
…turned sour
I am sorry for that
And I am sorry that it is gone…

I went another damn day
Say what you say again now
Then go away
Sift through what’s left of us
Compile a short note for me
Find yourself the good one tonight
When I’m back you might know
Wound up in your cold again
Knowing when to breathe helps
Your language still contends
Body always wins with me in the know
Share your spitting thoughts in me
Parade my sickness like it’s your own
The carnage always looks grim
Colors are always stagnant here
Brilliant way to win, losing
Sadness will always shine for me
Who? What did he even mean
Too kind some would say
Differ the rest, go easy on this
Sit down for the end please
I’ve found the only good I’ll ever have
I went another damn day.

nice clothes
nice shoes
couple of girls
but i got a main boo
nice car
on 22's
lift kit on it
it's another 4in boost
hop out
see my homies
it ain't my forte
but all them smoking
big whip
car full
been drinkin since 1
n yet we still partying
fitted cap
yankee logo
girls say im fly
now they reaching for my "you know"
wake up
hangover
a hurricane went through the house
thanks mr Hugo
team liqour
super sick
i know i was texting
but dont remember this chick
she mad
im laughing
she says im an asshole anyways
i say i'm sorry but it was just another drunk day

We Have A Sin Condition!
We have more technology,
but we have a problem!
We have many “issues.”
And don’t know how to solve them!
Governments answer seems to be
“spend, spend, spend.”
But we have this condition, that God calls; SIN!
Just look at the problems that are all around you!
It’s amazing that they don’t “overwhelm you!”
There’s all sorts of evil all cross our land!
But there’s something very few understand!
We’ve sent men to the moon and outer space!
Yet very few reach out and receive God’s grace!
The Bible says, “the heart of the man is sinful.”
Without God, man’s heart is never “peaceful!”
Jesus love provides for the world that fails us!
He offers his love! Simply because he loves us!
There’s no “condition.” His love is freely given!
Won’t you accept him? And be totally forgiven?
Where there’s sin. God’s grace does
much more abound!
There’s a new life for you!
Just waiting to be found!
Our sins for his love! What more could one ask?
And enjoy a love and peace
that will ALWAYS LAST!
By Jim Pemberton

You feel like your lost in love?
Me. Many times.
like when you hear his/her's voice your heart just *skips*
Or when you see them walking towards you....you can't breath.
When you had your first kiss. But not their's. but they still thinks it's cute.
Ya'll talk 24/7. Non stop.
When he/she just stare's into your eyes you feel butterflies EVERYWHERE through your body.
But... when they stop talking to you, you get worried, scared.
Or when they don't act the same way that they did when ya'll first were together.
You don't know if its over or not. but you get confused and you can't work up the courge to
talk to him/her.
Was it just all a DREAM? you'll soon find out when you talk to him/her.
*comment if you please. just want to hear your thoughts (or fav poem)* :)
-Angel4eva23

When you're hurt inside,
And there's no where to hide,
And there's no one on your side,
And it's killing your pride,
Inside,
Never take hate outside,
When your heart is chocking,
The heavy words never spoken,
The things that hurt you inside,
When love has died,
Inside,
Never take hate outside,
When your heart is gone,
From being alone,
And it beats a solemn tone,
When you're cold inside,
It's only a short ride,
Never take hate outside

I'm sorry for you, for all I DID mean to.
I'm sorry for truth yelling under the letters.
I'm sorry for gloom I used to be into.
I'm sorry for words that were ment to be better.
I'm sure you'll learn how to be optimistic,
and all of your sorrow will burst in a firework.
I'm sure you'll taste both the carrot and broomstick,
and critic with sarcasm will become a fair quirk.
I'm sure you'll manage to blow off the ceilings,
to do something wierd, worth to be accused of.
I hope that you'll learn to sort out the feelings
and born the new tenet out of the used stuff.
I want you to find something to govern.
I wish you object every slightest assurance.
I warn you to leave any secret uncovered
so it won't appear as nightmare to you once.
Be careful with matches, refuel the gaslight,
extinguish the candle, let the night to mourn.
I'd say, single point to fear the Last fight:
to set Life aside until you'll have to moor.
8.04.2013
NikA

I let you die for my name
As you reached for my hands
Out of waters of drowning
What a hypocrite this writer is
The Hatred of Solitude
Letting an orphan dream
Then destroy him with knowledge
Of what you have done
He opened up to you
In new ways
But in nostalgic guises
The springwinds whisper blithe yore
But the winterwinds, much stronger
Caress you with the dreams of your funeral sky
“It was you… it was your fault…
Letting the one who was so open to you
Be the laugh… the piece in the game…”

As i close my eyes,
and the pain of the past starts to flash
back in my mind
I try to put it aside,
but don't matter how hard i try
i cant take way this way i feel inside.
ITS like, sit in my room writing my
tune an the past starts to flash back in my
mind.
i just cant help my , self
but to sit an cry,this pain hurts so bad in side.

I am a hypocrite and look what I just did:
I fell into my darkest pit; now, again, and again.
I thought that I was strong enough to live the truths I said;
Now I realized I'm much too weak; a fool too ashamed to raise his head.
God, please save me, please forgive me, and please give me strength.
I love You.
I thank You.
I am forever changed.

Oh, you wonderful restaurant workers,
I guess you're glad it's over
Mother's Day the biggest day
The demands at work,
I know you well deserve your pay
Idiot customers,
Insolent, abusive
Think that you're
worth naught
Little realizing
the potential revenge
They may have just bought
Like adulterated food
To repay your stupid mouth,
If you knew what they did,
Your brain would "go south"...
These are people too
So watch out what you do
Because before you know it,
The joke will be on you!

I am your angel, daddy's little girl.
I know I haven't been my best in cold, shallow world.
But I listen to you most of the time, your lessons and such; and when I don't listen, I suffer
very much.
You don't give me signs when I'm going the right way.
So How can I make you proud of me?
I know I've done so wrong by not just following you; suffering pointlessly.
Either way I love you Father, with my everything.
I am your angel, will I ever earn my wings.
written in 2005

Alone is when reality doesn't exist anymore
Alone is when the one person breathes for rebellion
The speed of madness soaring through the human body at million miles per hour
Taking a different road than the one intended
Taking the high sprialing road
No longer a person you know, but a stranger
Instead of reality
Fireworks covered the sky
Everything was perfect, but only for awhile
Then the crash of blackness encircles like a haunting cloak of death
When the last breaths of life come too close
The only thing left to do is replay memories of happier times
Hoping not to die in this distorted state
Then suddenly reality caves in
And all thats left is to watch those particles of lights come back

I know of a son who turned his back on the God he once knew!
Praying for him, was all that his family could hope to do!
The truths taught to him as a child, he now began to reject!
Spending an eternity without God… He refused to accept!
He told his friends, about his “newfound theology.”
It sounded like he found some new kind of psychology.
Rather than accept the truth of God’s word, as he would find.
He would twist scripture to fit his own state of mind!
He would say; “the God of heaven and hell doesn’t exist.”
“It doesn’t matter how you live!” Is what he’d insist!
He rejected God’s gift and wonderful plan of salvation…
And chose to believe “whatever fit his own situation.”
I began to see his life sputter from a hurtful heart.
It just seemed like everything around him “fell apart.”
God wanted to help, but he didn’t believe he needed him!
God was there! But he made it clear that he didn’t believe him!
Many years went by, and this son started growing old.
He became a bitter and broken person, I’ve been told!
He did his best to remove God from his family and home.
Now, it was just him! And he was all alone!
Then one night, he cried out and called on Jesus’ name!
And confessed of all of his sin, guilt and shame!
This son, who had drifted from God for so many years…
Was filled with a true love, and a joy that brought tears!
He had returned to God! And God changed him!
God will always be faithful! And will never leave him!
Won’t you too, accept the life that God wants to give you?
He can change your life! Just because he LOVES YOU!
By Jim Pemberton

i don't wanna sit here
in the garden, without you
i don't want to be here
falling apart, waiting for you
cause i'm sick and tired
of existing here, without you dear
hanging onto nothing, hoping for something
we're not adam and eve
oh why can't you see
how much i need you
so hard to believe
yet cannot conceive
how much i love you
i won't say sorry
doesn't mean a damn thing
cause you don't love me
we can never be
i'm not gonna stand here
all evening, without a clue
i'm not gonna be here
sweetheart, bleeding just for you
cause i'm sick and tired
of burning here, without you dear
hanging onto nothing, hoping for something
we're not adam and eve
oh why can't you see
how much i need you
so hard to believe
yet cannot conceive
how much i love you
i won't say sorry
doesn't mean a damn thing
cause you don't love me
we can never be
you're not adam,
more like the snake
you're the phantom,
that haunts me
you can't be adam
more like the snake
you're the phantom,
ripping my heart away
we're not adam and eve
oh why can't you see
how much i need you
so hard to believe
yet cannot conceive
how much i love you
i won't say sorry
doesn't mean a damn thing
cause you don't love me
we can never be

I feel like I'm living someone elses life, a life in strife. I've been strong, but when will I belong. I feel so alone, but I'm doing ok on my own. I can't describe the pain, but I keep in mind every storm runs outa rain. I use to think our love was unbeatable, but really its unforgettable. Everyday I walk down memory lane, trying to ignore the pain. He crosses my mind everyday, when will all this go away. There's gotta be something more, my heart is becoming sore. My momma doesn't have to worry, because I'm not sorry. I know he made the mistake, and he's the reason I have this heartache. What we had, was bad. I shouldn't have let it go that far, your just another scar.

My spirit needs to be broken!
To God’s spirit, I must yield!
May I have a burden for the lost
souls in the field.
I need to reach others,
so that they’ll know,
How much I love Jesus…
With all my strength and soul.
Lord, Give me the words to say
at the right time…
I am yours Lord!
And you are mine!
Help me to love others the way
you want me to!
Only your love is
steadfast and true!
In Jesus, may my joy
always abound…
To reach out to others,
so the lost may be found.
Thank you Jesus, for speaking
so clearly to me!
So those who were blind…
Can now see!!!
By Jim Pemberton

Take me back
My soul's time has come
Take me back
Youth I long
My old soul is close to death
Scared now-take me back
( This poem is written in a Shadoma format which isn't listed in the drop box choices)

Arguing with one another
Texting back and forth
Owen drives in the blizzard
Kurt is at home
Kurt sends Owen another message
"why did you tell them about me doing drugs?"
"that wasnt your place, i dont care if there your parents too"
"shouldnt i be the one to tell them?"
Owen tries to reply to the message Kurt has sent him
He loses control of the wheel
driving into a field
Kurt recieves a message from Owen
"Im sorry I..."
The message was never finished
The car slamming into a tree
The tree branch breaks through the window
Thrashing into Owens stomach
As Owens head slams back and forth
The car is left smoking
Kurt knows something is wrong
but leaves things be
50 Minutes Later...."
Kurt and Owen's parent recieve a call from the police
"Is this the parent of Owen Everdeen?" the police ask
the mother answers "yes is something wrong? is it Owen, what did he do now?"
"Mam', Your son was in a accident, they are life flighting him to the hospital"
She drops the phone, and grabs her purse and yells at Kurt to come on.
She drives fast to get to the hospital to see her son
Owen was life flighted to the hospital
The police had to use the jaws of life to get him out of his car
They finally make it to the hospital
The Dr. asking "Are you the mother of Owen?"
She cries "yes, where is my son?"
Kurt stands upset at himself for fighting with Owen minutes before
Remembering Owens last text to him. "im sorry I.."
The Dr. explains to the mother
"Owen didnt make it"
She sits in sadness
Numbness
She cannot breathe
Kurt runs after the Dr.
"this cant be, he has to be ok" as he starts to cry.
Just the night before him and his brother
Were playing guitar hero together
Remembering the last moment
The arguing
The reqruet Kurt is now feeling
"Owen Ryan Everdeen: Jan. 1st, 1990- December 8th, 2011"
To a good brother and a great friend, im sorry about all those times i have let you down
Im sorry for yelling at you that night, and causing your crash, the guilt i feel wont leave
I am sorry that you went through that, and left this world that way, forgive me for what i
have caused. I love you.

Waiting for my first kiss, to be old enough to drive,
Always rushing, impatiently I waited to fall in love.
If somebody got in my way, it became a game of push and shove.
Three kids tried to slow me down. Oh, dear God above!
I rose to the top in a hurry; no time to simply be free.
Now, looking back at all those years, I think I’m beginning to see
Grown old, gray and alone now ~ there's nobody to wait for me.
Contest Sponsor: Black Eyed Susan
Contest Name: Wait, waiting, etc.

Ignorance must be stitch inside
Because I've believed every word lied
The price of a loyal bride
On the outward I now hide
Pain crumbling my heart inside
The price of a loyal bride
Rumors spread, but I put them to mute
Saving your name while you covered it with soot
Until blindness wore off my then dimmed sight
And I was shockingly aware they were right
You whisper her name in your dreams at night
I wanna tell you I know, but I don't wanna fight
Afraid you'll leave the commitment we made
For someone whom's body you've layed
Though truth is no longer denied
I'll still hold to you while you backslide
The price of a loyal bride
And to my vows I will abide
No matter sleepless nights I've cried
The price of a loyal bride

Your in my gears
Cover me in tears
From head to toes stained in your blood
Just act like it's not there
An embellishment amongst a prayer
Feeling of left alone covered in disppear
Dying to cry or crying to die
What your doing to me is killing me inside

"No." She whispered before drowning into her sorrows.
Her life had been a simple happy one.
There were no pains and no troubles.
Life was life and people were people.
Life was simple.
and life was all about tomorrows.
Life didn't know about sorrows.
Her sorrows.
Those same sorrows that she drowned in never existed.
They were never there, but where?
First to be sad in the naive town of joy.
Sorrow became contagious and what was known as happiness no longer was there.
It was non-exististent.
A meager thought
and a blessed memory.
She tried and tried.
She failed and failed.
Life was no longer hers.
For Pain was her only possession.
Her curse.
She lived and she died.
Yet, her legacy was passed on.
Never was it gone.
"No." She whispered before drowning in her sorrows,
"Save them."

A simple poem of apology
Is nothing more than feeling
But every word and phrase
Comes from my heart and every being
You are a blessing from the Lord
A gift I took for granted
Don’t ever feel less than that
For you’re the friend I’ve always wanted
Seeking a place of solitude
I tried to hide from you
Attempting to mend the pain
That sticks to me like glue
Through the frowns and thoughtlessness
I’m sure you already guessed
That these last few days of hurting you
Have really been a mess
I know from the bottom of my heart
That I’ve been less than fair
When I hid from everyone
In silence and despair
The wounds I used to mask me
You saw it through with kindness
You comforted me, accepted me
Led me through the darkness
Looking back on the years gone by
The memories I hold so dear
I see you in every one of them
As I shed a single tear
If there’s one thing I regret the most
It’s ever hurting you
And I appreciate all the things you’ve done
So genuinely and so true
Please forgive me, Allie
And know that you are beautiful
I hope our friendship grows forever
More cherishing and wonderful

Mistakes where made and fingers was pointed
Falling from the trees
Hearts was crushed and time was lost
Blowing away with the breeze
Words being said that slowed the time
In its depth we drowned
Our smile crosses its fingers
Hiding our emotions frown
Long forgotten fables and tales of dreams
Spoke till I sleep inside
Potions of sounds musical notes
Brewing what I hide
Chattering leaves confide our secrets
Their season pigment our lips
Entwined together forever
Drinking in sips
Clashes of tides fill our cup
Running over with forever
Fairy tells crashing letting go
Of what we believed to be forever

I Remember When I Took Time to Pray!
Our family would gather for dinner each day.
Our dad would first take the time to pray!
As kids, we thought it was important to do!
I remember praying over my food in school!
I was taught that we should give God thanksgiving!
And be grateful for how he blessed our way of living!
I remembered praying in the restaurants for the food.
We wanted to honor God! And not be rude!
But as the many years have come and went…
I think about where my time is now spent.
Prayer doesn’t seem like it used to be!
I often try not to let this really bother me!
But as I get older, and think about the past…
Father time has a way of creeping up fast!
This God I once took the time to speak to.
Is the one that I seldom take time to pray to!
I need his help right now! More than ever!
I’m not going to be on this earth forever!
I’m going to focus on Jesus in a new direction!
And give to him, my desires and ambitions!
Talking with Jesus is the best thing I can do!
Prayer can change my life! And be renewed!
Won’t you take the time to talk to God in prayer?
He’s waiting for you! And really cares!
By Jim Pemberton

Dear Son,
I haven't got to meet you,but from this picture I can see.
Just how wonderful you could be, and golly you look just like me.
I want to hold you, hug, and kiss you. I can't wait to see the day.
I may only have one picture, but I can't put the thing away!
I've been showing you to everyone, weather they want to look or not.
Even to strangers on the bus to school. I'm just so proud of what I got.
I pray to God your mother gives me a chance to be a good father to my boy.
Just to hold your picture, close to my face, sends me to a whole new world of joy.
I want to meet you! I love you! I just pray someday you'll see...
That I'm sorry things couldn't work out with your mother and I. You already mean the world
to me.

I am not he
I am no one
Please don’t hurt me
Anymore
Who do you want
Just leave me be me
I am not black
I am not white
I am not good
I am not bad
I am not anything
Anyone
You need me to be
Or not to be
Just leave me be and let me be free

Writing this cuz theres nothing left for me to do,
I hope you know im trying to make up for all of my mistakes,
Im trying to make up for all the promises i have broke.
Im sorry for ever trying to see if we would work,
Im trying to tell you that i will leave you be if you want me to,
But know their is nothing that i would ever put above you.
Im making up for all of my mistakes,
Im trying to prove that im not the person you saw,
its never too late to show you the real me, the person you never knew.
I dont deserve to tell you i love you.
Ive done too much to you,
Im sorry for everything.
Im going to sing this song to you,
One last time,
And i hope you will understand.
Im making up for all of my mistakes,
Im trying to prove that im not the person you knew,
Its never too late for me to show you the real me, the person you never knew.
I know their is nothing that i can do to make you change your mind,
But i hope this song at least helps a little,
Im trying to make up for my mistakes,
Im trying to make up for all the promises i broke.
Im sorry for trying to see if we would ever work
I cant tell you i love you
I just hope you know,
That ill never put anything above you,
And im trying to make up for all my mistakes.

I RUN from FEAR.
I HUNT for FEAR.
I HIDE in FEAR.
I FIGHT cause of FEAR.
I'm FAR from you.
I'm SCARED cause of you.
You're the FEAR that I HUNT.
You're the FEAR that I FIGHT.
You're the FEAR that SCARED me for LIFE.
*Comment if you have any thought and if you like it. oh and some of the poems i write arn't
always my feelings. their some times just to get through other people so they can have
something to read that just fit's them.*
-Angel4eva23

my stomache burns
i do not want to eat
he says i shouldnt
i agree
he stairs with disgust
i look away with shame
after every meal
i run to that bathroom
..i gag myself
letting out all my anger
all my frustration
..all my hurt
i walk out with a smile
a smile ,hiding pain
hiding bruises
this is too much
..for me
he finds pleasure in my pain
pleasure in my tears
..in my silent cries

I am what you call a hopeless
romantic,
But im also a lost lovers cause, my
heart belongs to another
Yet in my head a love triangle starts
to form, the girl I love doesn’t love
me
She holds the heart to another and
mine caged to the floor,
She isn’t afraid to fight for what she
wants, not even when it comes to
leaving another man torn
Trust me she’s happy, as that boy
holds her heart ever so close
Seeing what I shouldn’t I smile as I
wear my blind fold,
Blind to everything around, lifeless
staring into air
My train of thought running so fast,
the second I stop you’ll hear a crash
Derailing my hope, for ever finding a
love so pure & rare
Wishing I could hold the hand of the
lover who stole my flame,
Wish I could change the last days in
which we parted ways,
Realizing now that we can never be
the same
Finally saying it out loud as tears run
down my face
You stole my happiness, as I walked
away that day
But it’s because as of what you said
I guessed I changed,
Now every relationship has just be
the same,
No one can seem to bring back that
flame,
Because a love likes ours comes
once in a lifetime
Well at least it does to me,
But I mean you’re happy with who
your with
I mean I only wrote this as I heard
exchanging “I love you” flow from
each of your lips.

Life Beyond You.
At the core of my heart, where the air is cool
And the pieces formed have slowly parted,
Lies the innocence used as your only tool
Since the day when your hunger started.
I remember the day our lives began,
Cocooned in a silver cloud,
But I knew I was right when I turned and ran,
Our dreams, burned in a shroud.
I tried to think what I did wrong
Or whether it was even me,
But your hate was as fierce as the day is long-
The day when you set me free.
A blow to the head would have been quite tough
Or a bullet through the chest,
But the way you killed me was just enough
To lay me down to rest.
How clever you were! I remember thinking
When you dismissed every word that they said,
But the evidence was clear, and your life was sinking,
Whilst I slept silent in an eternal bed.
But as I watch you now, with your head held high
Smothering your face in a grin,
I make my way forward with a smile and a sigh
And I know you cannot win.
For I know your greatest fear of all
Of which you cannot see.
Your life, my dear, is due to fall,
And waiting there is me.

Stuck at the bottom
I'm caving in.
One thought of you not here
Puts me in a claustrophobic nightmare.
I can't wake up.
I may not see you again.
Reality isn't different from my sleep.
I'm still running aimlessly away to nowhere.
I'm so blinded.
Every second is hidden that I'm spinning in circles.
Makes me reckless, violent, purple dead.
Over and over something's wanting me to say
I was a creep for treating you that way.
Can you forgive me?
I promise I won't make you cry.
One more chance I'll be a loyal friend.
Walk to your door.
I'm closing in.
Standing on thin ice there's no turning back.
I'll say it straight out without fumbling.
For once in my life
I confess it was a mess.
Screwed up everything special we had planned.
But now I'm here alone.
Hope is my only invisible ally.
I raise my white flag to the skies.
Will you operate my wounded heart?
The stakes are high.
But I'm willing to continue where we left off
If you have room in your heart for rent.

Her look that day,
Should have told me everything she could not say.
Unprepared, I stared.
She walked away.
As she tossed our ring,
I felt the sting.
If I’d known then
How I feel today,
I'd heal the abscess and my heart’s decay,
Before her affection left me there that day.
JS Lambert

i have many thoughts and worries that i can comprehend.
there are things in life that we cant comprehend.
i have things going on right now that i cant comprehend (parents fighting)
ill say more later just wait....
*comment if you please*
-Angel4eva23

Through roaming hills, and blistering winds
my spirit lay somewhere between.
Oh someone point him out to me,
I desire to hear my soul sing
For at first he left, I did not notice
my emotions to mangled in muck
but I feel my heart fall short
and my body just want to give up
I call to him through the wind in the night
but no reply is heard in the breeze.
I shout his name from dawn to dusk
But only a echo replies in the trees
Forgive me! I cry, I desire you now
that my heart is darken and numb.
For I gladly give up this emotionless feast
to live my life wondering the streets
forsaking the world and all of its treats
to live with my spirit as a bum

(chorus)
Watch these eyes fill with tears
I don’t know where to go from here
Everything is always the same
Lonely nights filled with pain
Why cant I rearrange
Why does opening up feel so strange
Is this what's meant to be,
A life with only me
I sit and watch down the hall,
Silence waiting for your call,
If I could just hear you say
That you need me today
Then everything would be ok,
I cant make this go away.
Ive done it again
When will this end
Where is my friend
I needed you to stay.
(chorus)
Watch these eyes fill with tears
I don’t know where to go from here
Everything is always the same
Lonely nights filled with pain
Why cant I rearrange
Why does opening up feel so strange
Is this what's meant to be,
A life with only me
You told me I was the one,
Yet its over before it begun
You took my heart
and tore it apart
Where the hell did this come from
All the tears I cried
From all your lies
I cant make this go away
I needed you to stay
(chorus)
Watch these eyes fill with tears
I don’t know where to go from here
Everything is always the same
Lonely nights filled with pain
Why cant I rearrange
Why does opening up feel so strange
Is this what's meant to be,
A life with only me

The worst morning after
One bottle and half of brandy gone
And my, how I did carry on
The morning after, goodness me!
I was a just heap of misery
The wife, she left me in the car
I think she thought I'd gone too far!!
She really had no sympathy
And made me clean up after me
My head was twirling round and round
Oh, what Karma I had found
My neck, my head, my everything
Oh what pain this morn did bring
For two whole days this lasted for
I said I’d never drink no more
That was so many years ago
And drinking booze is still a 'no!!’.
19 July 2013 @ 0450hrs.

"V~O~V"
IF I WERE GRANTED FORTUNE N' FAME...
THOSE WHO CONSIDER ME LIABILITY,WOULD ACKNOWLEDGE ME LOVED
TH' SPILLING OF MY BLOOD,MIGHT EVEN BRING A STITCH OF COMPASSION
I'D NEVER BE ALONE,'LESS I REQUESTED ME LET BE
COMPANY DOES NOT LOVE MISERY,SO NOW I'M KEPT AT A DISTANCE
ALL I EVER WANTED OUT OF LIFE,WAS TO RECIEVE AS MUCH CARE AS I GIVE
BUT MOOT IS TH' FACT,THEY WANT ME OUT OF MIND N' VIEW
LITTLE IT IS KNOWN,OF TH' AFFLICTIONS I MUST ENDURE...FOR THEM
IF I WROUGHT MIRACLES AT WILL,TH' MEEK WOULD 'DEED RULE
SINS OF TH' SHAMELESS,WOULD ALL BE MADE KNOWN
A SILVER'D SCREEN OF TH' SKIES,WOULD DISPLAY THEIR DESECRATIONS
VICTIMS OF THEIR TRESSPASSES,WOULD DECIDE OF THEIR FATES
FAR FROM BEING PERFECT,I TOO...WOULD BE ASHAMED
BUT FOR SCARLET OF PAST BREACHINGS,I WOULD BEG FOR TH' BLANCHING
NEVER THAN LESS...THEIR WILL WOULD BE DONE
FOR FUTILE IS FORGIVENESS,IF NOT TRULY...
...IT IS WON
~AZAZA~'09

It’s Time
By BJ Welsh
The sun shines brightly each morn’
Life goes on although the heart is torn
Only you wished for rain instead
Exposure to light is what you’ve dread
Breathing in life that you’ve been given
Spitting it back out to those who are livin’
It’s time, you think, to worry no more
There’s only always silence at the door
The shades don’t work as you think they should
Sun rays seeping through as only mother nature could
What more could you do to keep things dark?
Close your eyes, go ahead, you’ve left your mark
It’s time, you think, to worry no more
There’s surely silence at the door
The mind works in mysterious ways
Your paralyzed and in a daze
The things you lost have never been yours
Borrowed for a while, so take a pause
It’s time to repay that long ago debt
Promises made and you thought kept
You followed a map uncharted at best
A life re-invented and put through the test
It’s time, you thought, to worry no more
But there’s no more silence at the door

I left you standing in the woods,
because my conscience said it was for your very own good.
My lifeless heart tears when I see that look in your eyes,
the look of sadness which I strongly despise.
Lying on the ground your staring at me in shock,
so hurt you can't even walk.
But I know this is all for the best,
to let you live life like all the rest.
You are my angel, the light of my life,
to leave you like this cuts like a knife.
I want to run back and hold you so tight,
never letting you out of my sight.
I'll miss your blushing cheeks and y our beating heart,
and it will make the dead one in me tear apart.
You are my drug, my life, and my soul mate,
to change you would fill me with personal hate.
Running away, I left my soul,
without you I will never be whole.
I love you so much and that’s what gives me t he strength to let you go,
I'm hurting inside, but I don't let it show.
You deserve someone better, someone who isn't a monster like me,
someone who won't make you live life for eternity.
I am running far away,
begging you to stay.
My conscience is slowly pulling me back,
I tell you to be happy and you can love black.
Rose said you jumped from a cliff,
and running through my mind are a million "what ifs".
You have lost your life because of me.
I cannot live without you so I run to the Volturi
I demand them to kill me but they will not fulfill,
so I run to the village and sparkle in the sun rays,
I have nothing more to say.
they have no choice but to let me die,
for life is over in my eyes.
Without you I am lost,
I will join you at any cost.
I’m almost there I’m almost free,
away from living eternity.
Then I hear a scream and a cry,
they turn into sobs and I don't know why.
Slowly I turn around,
and the owner to the sweet voice is no where to be found.
Then I feel the faintest grip,
someone running and then they trip.
I look down,
and all I see is a frown.
I see your eyes swimming with tears,
and in them are a million fears.
I hold you tight against my chest,
having you near is finally a rest.
How could I be so stupid and believe such a lie,
I would never want you to die.
I have no choice but to believe that its true,
that this person in my arms is really you.
Why did I not just listen to my heart,
why did I think it would be better from the start.
All I wanted was to protect
but what I did was even worse then I would expect.
I will promise you I will leave you never,
and also that I will love you forever

How can I not love you
When you flashes your pretty dimples?
And how can I not love you
When you make hard looks simple?
How can I not love you
When you exchanges your smiles?
And how can I not love you
When you looks so good a thousand miles?
How can I not love you
When you are always so neat?
And how can I not love you
When you are very sweet?
How can I not love you
When you shows the cleft in your chin?
And how can I not love you
When you do no sins?
How can I not love you
When you hold things tight?
And how can I not love you
When you make the wrongs right?
How can I not love you
Till the very end?
And how can I love you
When you love my best friend?

People think they have to say "i love you" in relationships..
but no not really...
some times it makes me feel like i HAVE to say i love you if some one says it to me.
" i love you is a very very special word"
people have to understand that they have to be wise with the word "i love you"
because if you say it to anyone... then when you really mean it.. it wont feel ture....
*comment on what you think*
-Angel4eva23

To the one who hurt us
do we hurt back
or do we show mercy
To the one who lied to us
do we lie back
or do we lead with honor
To the one who cheated us
do we cheat back
or do we forgive
To the one who hates us
do we hate back
or do we live only with love
To the one who stole from us
do we steal back
or do we give clemency
To the one who is jealous of us
do we bathe in it
or do we uplift them
To the one who makes a mistake
do we judge them
or do we remember our own mistakes
To the one who is weak
do we walk by
or do we help them
To the one who cannot love
do we pity them
or do we show compassion
To live in a wonderful world
do we remember
we must first master ourselves

So many days
All passed in a blur
With all my thoughts
Focused all on her
It was no way to live
Trapped within the past
But now today
I can say at last
I'm sorry for
Everything I put you through
But you put me through things too
And I don't owe you anything
What's done is truly done
We hurt each other so many times
But it's time to run
Those days were nice
Back when you still cared
I really did
But I was really scared
It's been a year
Since you killed our hope
I suffered all these days
Tangled in your rope
I'm sorry for
Everything I put you through
But you were just as bad
And I don't owe you anything
What's done is truly done
We hurt each other so many times
But now it's time to run and
I spent a whole year trying
To sort out what you left
And now I've finally got it
You didn't leave me so bereft
You helped me find
The man beneath the boy
You helped me grow
And learn how to destroy
Apologies
Don't mean a thing anymore
You've already made your choice
So I don't owe you anything
I'm glad it's finally done
A year of atonement ends today
The time has finally run
Out, the sands of time caress
My face as clouds give way to rain
We're even now and now I can walk
Without my heart in pain

Nothing gold can stay.
Sometimes u find it slips away,
Something close that u can touch,
But in the end it was to much,
Like a flood flowing through a city,
Life is hard when u live in pity,
Things may be good but turn bad,
Sometimes it makes u really sad,
Days and nights may go,
Just have to live life nice and slow,
Maybe somethings may not be right,
Its never good to pick a fight,
Sometimes u find it slips away,
Nothing gold can stay.

My faith is a source of comfort
In the turbulent storm that has become my life
After all, God has graced me with special powers
But when it comes to my personal anguish, his ways are unknowable
I have managed to estrange almost everyone
Personal relationships collapse around me
But there is a man who loves me, somewhere across the world
Even though he claims he's never been interested
The poems he writes under a woman's name
Tell me all I need to tell myself is true
And I resent that he pretends I am an intrusion
While whispering the words of his true soul, elsewhere
If only his friends that call me crazy knew!
They would be humbled, to say I should be the one ashamed
And realize that they are the stalkers, not me
It cannot possibly be that those poems are actually written by the woman
It hurts, when people call me mentally ill
God cured my sickness, years ago
And has retained my prophetic abilities
Despite my repeated lies
No, I still have my gift
Which means that God has forgiven
He saw it as a tool for survival
In the rift of challenges from people who feign disinterest
But who carry me on in their heart
I will be your salvation
Please don't see my promises of eternal love as a threat
As a matter of fact, I'm growing impatient with you
Why do you keep lying about who you are and your feelings for me?
Why are you embarrassing me like this?
I contacted your work to tell them you were a liar
I put your address out, with threats to tell your wife
I knew it would draw you nearer to me
Because I am helping you get over your illness
You can pray it away, like I did.
That "friend" of yours is the devil in disguise
She will eat away at your soul
I cannot believe you let her say these horrible things to me!
It's so obvious that she wants to be with you
Even though she keeps telling me you are happily married
Wow, you are really starting to enrage me
With your insistence that you are not in love with me
And lying to fool a few people that you do not share my faith
You don't respond properly to threats of hell
But that is where you will end up, if you keep this company
I refuse to accept you for what you say you are
It's okay - I know the truth
And I love the real you unconditionally
People sickly claim that I cannot understand love
Now stop ignoring me, you monster!
Why are men so hard to understand
How can someone of faith be so blasphemous
I am your angel of light, your lamp
And you shut the door in my face
I will haunt you, for the rest of your life

Dear You,
When things get rough I always think of you. The ways you calm me are too many to list and the ways I miss you are too obvious to dismiss. You are always present in my thoughts like you are suppose to be with me even when I don’t want you with me. You, you have a way with words and I love the way they ease between my ears erasing my fears and finding an effortless path to my heart. You never stop amazing me. I wonder sometimes what would I do if I lost you. Devastation. Humiliation. Deprivation. Reckless Endangerment. I am finally settling on the thought that I may need you here.
The first time we met I thought you were the most beautiful thing I had ever been allowed to see. I could barely focus as you took me completely by storm, you made my coldest places warm and for that I thank you daily. I remember looking you over trying not to make my stare obvious. Your skin was perfect, like it had been custom blended only for you, your voice tone was almost too low but I challenged myself to not miss a word, and I didn’t. The thing I noticed, that I love the most about you was the way you took extreme care with me, like from our first initial touch you somehow instinctively knew to go slow, move slower and announce each entry. I tried not to love you that day, but I walked away haven already made a copy of the key that unlocks my heart…and I gave you the original to make sure it would work. Now I wait for you to use it...and now I question sometimes if I should change the locks. Except when I see you, I only want to remove them for you so you only need to walk in, but I must watch you make that move on your own.
Sincerely,
Just love Me

I once knew a little girl,
She was innocent and pure,
But pains of many bites and burns,
Have changed that girl for sure,
She always used to cry at night,
Her pillow getting wetter,
“It’s alright I’m sure”, she’d always say,
“Things are bound to get better”,
But as she grew she learnt,
That this was not the case,
So she changed and built a mask,
That would cover her true face,
This mask did help protect her,
From all emotional bruising,
But never did she suspect,
All the things that she was losing,
One day a few years later,
She took off that strong mask,
But no longer knew the girl underneath,
“Who is this girl?” she’d ask,
She’d cried that night only wishing,
She could go back to that day,
When she’d made that mask of cold heart,
And throw it far away,
But by then it was too late,
The damage had been done,
She’d lost that girl from underneath,
The one that was bright and fun,
So she decided to do the next best thing,
Get back what she had lost,
And though troubled by the future,
It was worth all that it cost,
Though she’d tried so hard,
Can I say they are the same?
The new girl and the first one,
No I think not, what a shame,
Though I do say she is better off,
Then those who still wear that mask,
But how should I know such a thing,
You probably do ask,
For I was once that little girl,
The one that made the choice,
To lose the mask; begin again,
And regain her old voice,
The moral of this story is,
That there is no worse pain,
Then losing yourself and realising,
That you have to start again,
So just know one thing for sure,
And take it all from me,
That when you’re at your purest,
Then you should just leave it be...

An outcast
fit only for the lepers' colony
A burden
big beyond bear
A huge bear
too ugly to hug
An unwanted stranger
to family, friends and foes
A perfect tool
for Government's propaganda
A clean cover
for Health Ministry's graft
A sure means
for Activists' foreign AIDS and funds
A goldmine
for multinational pharmaceutical giants
An alien
in the place of her birth
Technically, they also call me
HIV/AIDS positive person
For nicety, I am also known as
"PLWHA"
Why then do you wonder
That we're wheeled into morgue slabs
Time before our fixed time.

It was overwhelming, it was lovely
It was my definition of forever, it was empowering
I spread it into the sea
Into space, time, and everything in between or beyond
I spread it into their souls
I spread it throughout the forgotten dimensions
Betrayal, a curve ball
Unexpectedly knocking me from this universe
I floated, away from everything i had seen
I was spread, beyond the city
I was spread, further from the seas
Closer to the bottom
The light became dim
The light became an illusion
The truth had been unfolded beneath
Like a trench, eager to sub duct innocence of loyalty
For I had traveled so far...
The spark, what is now a burden
What now burns
For once, it lit the way
It guided the way that the mind created
The illusion we were eager to find
Now all that is left
And of course,
Only the foolish search for the spark

I'm stuck in this room, one person, two beds
There always checking my bags
Big window, without a view
I don't want your lotions, shampoos, soaps or creams
I want my own
The one's brought from home
The revenge, I must hold inside
The hatred for this place
Can't wait to go home
Mommy sign me out
I promise to act right
I won't scream, yell or fight
I'll brush my teeth
Make up my bed
I'll make things right, this place isn't for me
I just wanna scream,
I can't sleep at night
The kids here are mean
They don't ever stop
Stop the screams
Disrespecting all the staffs
I don't ever do that
I close my door and think of home
I can't wait to go home

There's this girl that I know who misses her home
The place filled with laughter, her joy, and her hope.
This girl, she is sad, and I've seen her heart break.
She just doesn't belong here, and she doesn't want to stay.
When she's at the beach she just sits and she stares
Across the water to who knows where.
The ocean is the one place she has found on this Earth
That fills her with any kind of peace and hope.
Though still she is sad, she's not where she belongs,
But at least at the ocean the fierce homesickness calms.
She'll walk down the beach and look out at the water,
Totally uncaring of those who might watch her.
She knows she's not normal, that she isn't like them.
But she knows that they cold never understand.
This girl that I speak of, how I know her well. Yet at the same time I hardly know her at all.
It seems to me as I walk down that beach that
I'm never gonna know of who I truly speak.
Because as long as I'm here, so far from my home, my heart, my pain there, my hope,
I am only half here.
I am only half home.
And all that I want....I just want to go home.

Teardrops of sorrow, stream down her face. As she thinks of tomorrow, and feels out of place.
Lies and infidelity, clouding her thoughts. She knows they were weaknesses, she could have fought.
As the one that she loved, slips slowly away. She lies to herself, saying she'll be okay.
Living her life, cold day after day. She'll one day break down, and quietly pray.
"Help me dear father, in heaven above. Help me be strong, and teach me to love. "
"Show me my worth, and my light that's inside. Give me my courage, and rebuild my pride. "
A hollow dark hole, sits in place of her heart. Cause her values and morals, have all fall'n apart.
What once was a sweet, and innocent girl. Is now lost and lonely, consumed by this world.
She'd sacrifice anything, just to fit in. Sacrifice everything, and give in to sin.
Loved ones may forgive her, but they'll never forget. She's strayed far from her path, but they won't give up yet.
Holding her hand, they'll help her get through. But it won't change the fact, that she was untrue.
She damaged the heart, of a very good man. Did things that he, just can't understand.
Now I have no doubt, she loved him to death. But love's just a word, mumbled under our breath.
For actions have always, spoke louder than words. And hate is the sound, most commonly heard.
If you don't like the feelings, expressed in these lines. Then cover your ears, and cover your eyes.
For a bitter cold boy, wrote down this letter. But he wrote it to say, that he's doing better.
Lying awake, in the mid of the night. He smiles and says, "I'm doing alright. "
Floating away, on an ocean of memories. He piles up the sand, to block off his enemies.
Moving along, he hopes she's okay. But he won't let the thoughts of her, get in his way.
Lying awake, likely miles apart. They each fall asleep, with a hand on their heart.
For life is a Story, often painful to tell. But sleep sweet tonight, for they're both doing well.

She’s My Life
She thinks she’s not fancy
and she thinks she’s not pretty
and that she’s not good enough for me,
but what she doesn’t know is that; I don’t like fancy,
that she is pretty, she’s way too good for me
and that she’s my Life!
We’ve been together for what seems like forever
and I know I’ve gotten a little lazy
you know; I think I don’t even remember
what it’s like not to have you as my wife.
I hate to say this but sometimes I make her cry,
don’t ask me why
I guess I just take the struggles of my day
out on her
you know, the job, the bills..just everyday life!
Then I get to thinking.....what am I doing?
I must be crazy
what would I do if I go too far and she leaves me.
I can’t live without her,
Sometimes I can be such a slug.
Quickly I must say I’m sorry & give her a kiss & a hug
and let her know that she’s too good for me
and let her know that I love her.
That she’s my Life and I Need Her Forever as My Wife!
C Gill
10-16-2008

Babies of Beslan............
The darkest day in history,
Brought tears to my eyes.
Many Russians murdered,
In a mass of horrid cries.
Hundreds of innocent people,
Seen fleeing through the streets.
Bodies thrown onto the verge,
In a sea of blood-stained sheets.
So many kept within a school,
Being held against their will.
Suicide bombers with booby traps,
That care not who they kill.
An act by Chechen rebels,
Seeking freedom for their kin.
With scenes of utter carnage,
From those terrorists within.
Semi-naked children,
Seen running through the street.
The Chechen rebels in the school,
Shooting at their feet.
Bombs and bullets filled the air,
As the smoke engulfed the skies.
People running from the school,
With terror stricken eyes.
Such barbaric bloody actions,
Brought death and undue pain.
The heart of the Beslan community,
Won't see their like again.
May the Lord our God watch over you,
May he guide you by his light.
May he hold you in his arms again,
And keep you safe tonight...........
In memory of the children and teachers of the Beslan school massacre.

Though my eyes are open I cannot see,
I know my name but not who I be.
The sun it shines but I get no light,
Every second of the hour it seems you want to fight.
My love is a river with nowhere to go,
Like a puddle or pond with nowhere to flow.
Trapped and confided I can’t escape these thoughts,
Cursed and ridiculed; is this my fault.
I smile, I love, and I give my all,
But pain and bullsh_t is all I cause,
I’m surrounded...there’s no way out,
By lies and things I know nothing about.
Will you ever stop and present me the chance,
To have your love I worked for
and not be judged by your glance,
Not put down for someone else’s past,
Not acknowledge as the driver of someone else’s crash.
Not as the problem I seem to be,
An unneeded piece to a puzzle complete.
Is there a place that we can one day belong?
A place where this pain and the hurting is gone.
There is; but can we fix it before we get there,
Or do my eyes have to close forever...
before you see how much I care.

What’s Happening to Marriages Today?
I was listening to someone just the other day…
And I couldn’t believe what he had to say!
He had left his wife and children for another!
She was young enough to be his daughter!
Here they were, “in love” and holding hands!
Hoping to soon, get their “wedding bands!”
They were pretending that this was so “cool.”
Living now by their own “set of rules!”
How sick and disgusting this is getting to be!
Is this something that many can’t see?
God gave us Adam and Eve to become one.
To bear fruit through daughters and sons!
He gave us marriage as holy vows are made.
Not to march in an “adulterous parade!”
We are treading on very dangerous ground!
Faithfulness and commitment
are scarcely found!
The very definition of marriage is changing!
As the family unit is always rearranging!
Our only hope is in Jesus! And him alone!
Let’s promote his love! Into our hearts and home!
Let’s allow his love to be our heart’s glue!
And bring new meaning to the words; “I love you!”
May his love bind our hearts and lives together!
And remain faithful to each other forever!
By Jim Pemberton

It's been so long since I could Feel you, Hold You
I'm wondering if it was Just an Illusion
For love For me could Not be real
Nobody could Love over The Borderline, not even I
So if you ask you'll know why I silently began to cry
I need you here, to hold me
I'm so scared
without You I just want to Sleep forever
Never stray away far
Save me From Desperation
Never Say It wasn't meant to be
I can't take this lie
You Kill me With this
So much
I hurt so much inside these words burn as I cry
This life is destroyed without you
The joy that comes is the Joy of the Empty
The despair I'm prone to maynever wilt I way
You could have been there
You could have saved me
but no you left
I was here to stay In the Dark
When the razor called me back
You could have been my light
throughout the eternal black
My Soul Has yearned for
but where are you
Please come back to me
I desire just a one word of comfort
just from you, only from you
Tell me this is just a Lie
Just a Hallucination from my Mind
I'm suffering
I'm Dying
I Need you
I'm begging just for one word
please save me from Desperation
I'm the Petal
You're the Wind
Without You I can never go Far
You're not here
I'm now stranded alone
In the plagued island of my mind
only if you were here
only If you here
You could have
Saved Me From Desperation

You are so hardly trying
To convince me, friend,
To make me feel the way
You do but all the things that
You think I am missing
I have thrown away
So long ago.
You are so tough to give me
Facts and new examples,
To show me the truth that
You believe but this is sad that
You are blind, and your beliefs are
Useless as a paper to the winds.
You are my favorite.
There are so many features that
I like in you but I can't stand
Your stubbornness.
You don't want to listen to.
Thank you, friend , for your
Best moves and words
Thrown into the air.
There was no sense
Because how can you convince me
If you are copying all of them?

This is the reason....
Dear mom,
We never got along..
And you know that...
We constantly argue and disagree..
You make me feel like im a disappointment..
You made me feel as if i was never good enough..
You never made it seemed it like you actually cared..
Dear Dad,
I know who you wanted me to be..
we used to not get along..
But now we do..
most of the time..
I know this is not who you want me to be..
I know this is not what you wanted me to do..
But i got no where to go..
You never seem to help..
Dear the rest of the family
I know you are there for me..
But your reactions to what i do...
I just dont think i could deal..
I dont think you could help...
And i know you wouldnt understand..
Dear Friends,
If i even dare call you that..
If you will care or not...
Even if you will notice...
I know some of you say your here for me..
But you dont understand..
I tried to tell one of you..
You just starred and wanted to tell everyone..
I am a human..
Im no different..
Im not some monster..
So i may be an outcast..
But does that really matter...
If only you could of helped me..
If only you didnt call me the names...
Dear everyone,
Im sorry..
Im sorry for being a disappointment..
Im sorry for letting you down..
So that is why i have decided to leave..
So everyone will be happy..
Have a great life everyone..

i want
i need
To break free
I'm finally ready.
to talk
to tell
but it's too late,
isn't it?

I failed
Look at the bright side.
now I don't have to suffer
the feelings of rejection
so stubbornly shy
so insecure.
such low self-esteem
i need to break free
out of my shell
but no use there
its too late
there's no hope for me
look at me
it all adds up to my self-esteem
time to grow up
be a big girl and let out of my shell
and live life fully
no regrets

i sit here on the tracks
everything has changed
i try to sort out these new facts
i was his number two
I didn't know
But now i do
and its time to look for
someone new
today my old teddy provided no
comfort
so im here instead
one of the few times im truly
hurt
im looking back on the bad
he was my number one
And now I'm so sad
i run my fingers through the
gravel
tears rolling down my cheeks
my world is slowly starting to
unravel
im looking back on the bad
but all i see is him
i think of what i thought i had
I remember his sweet kisses
Tender moments I hope he
Forever misses
I guess I never truly showed
how I felt
How each time he warped me
in his arms I would start to
melt
I'm looking back in the bad
And I'm ready to die
Ive wasted my trust
And I'm wondering why

~WOUNDED~
Please forgive me...
Sometimes th' hardships of life,devour Th' Lamb within
Strife n' cares of this world,often render me carnal
Pain and past failures,exhume hideous expressions of hate
Animosity it seems,pacifieth these insurrections too surely
Pardons are non~existant,in these upheavals of melancholy
The abandonings of my love,leaves my soul segregatious
Reckoning runs rampant,for seek of repression's remedy
For an cure for this curse,I long for th' day's dawning
My friends and lovers of fair,I beg your patience for my burdening
In th' finest moment in time,I hope we share bluest skies
For all hearts' desires granted,I would lay myself to rest
Even ones who loathe me,I would not allow their seclusion
If my truest of spirit and flesh,attain symmetry harmon'd...
You will see expressly how precious,you are to my delight'ng
But so many wounds exist,of battles long 'fore fought...
It is of a truth I am,from them all...dying
~AZAZA~'09

You see her?
Why don't go be like her?
No one likes you,
so this is what you must do.
You must stop being yourself,
get off of you shelf.
You must please everyone,
to do that, you must be number one.
She's the perfect girl,
you're the no one in the world.
So go ahead, and give yourself away,
since you're going the wrong way.
You are no longer you,
see what you can do.
You are now her,
that's better than what you ever were.

Lily white
Petals have been bitten and broken
Where is the root?
And with your story
God is teaching me to love
I’m prostrate on cold ground
begging on the behalf of your salvation
Your sanity
And you’ve lived the life of blackness
And we forget of the privilege you’ve been afforded
I’m taking all the words I’ve ever known
To play God and save you
I want to save you
Let me teach you how to dance then
Forget the men who leave beds cold
And safe dark places barren
I still believe we can live
And these are the stories we tell
To save the weaker vessels
And so drink to your life, breath, and chance
Lily white, when it comes embrace it
Find the texture with the lines of your fingers
Softness of your cheeks, and pucker of your lips
My God, how can I say this?
In what language, pretext, context do I form all the answers?
And then maybe you’ll smile and mean it
Cry and feel it
If no man has loved you
I have
If you have no God
I do
If you don’t know how to say it
I can
If you can’t find rest
I’ve slept

Will it kill us to say a simple thank you
To the ones that have help us
In one way or another
Will it kill us to say a simple thank you
To the ones that have done right for us
Will it kill us to say a simple sorry
To the ones that we've hurt
Will it kill us to say a simple sorry
To the ones that we've accused for no reason
Gratitude isone of the main
Form of politeness
We should've known it since we were young
Since we've known how to talk
Thank you and sorry is not to be bought
Like our ancestors used to say
Why is it so difficult to practise
These three simple words
Why let too much pride and vanity
Make us think we are so perfect
And prevent us from being thankful
To the ones that have done good for us
And sorry tothe ones we've misdeed for no reason
Why let ourbad habits and behaviour
Make us forget these three words
And make us...
...don't think of who we are
Why are we forgetting
How to be thankful
Why are we forgetting
How to say I'm sorry
Parents should thought it
To their children
Teach them good manners
And they'll florish in a better world
Come on grown ups and mature ones
Be the example...
...the role model to our youths
Share with them good knowledge
And our new generation...
...will create a better evolution
Let gratitude be our prayers everyday
Our food...
...our medication...
...our pledge and our motto.

I'm done with this I've had enough of this/
Slushy trip since Hell Paso son just quit
This empty pursuit
Of letting the past keep livin' through you/
Go ahead and equip the damn truth
It is that simple to choose
What state of the neighbor of the temple you use
But you're just so adamant to worship/
Every preliminary negative
Which is why you have sentiment for those sedatives
Want evidence man your head has been/
Set on making your *****Titanic as
You steer into a gigantic crash/
Without any ****ing idea what effect thy absence has/
On the kids and on me too/
My heart feels ripped the honest truth/
To see you empty as your holes in the wall
You're like a ghost to us all/
Pale as the Seroquil pills you down/
I want to help but under the meds what you feel gets drowned/
I have the inauspicious fear you'll end up just like Tommy
That's why I pray every night/ I can't lose you Robbie
You have no idea
What it's like
To watch you die
Every day
Every night
All the time
You can't even see that I am
Here with you
By your side
But as much
As I try
You deny
That I fight
For your life then I scream that
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)
Why can't you just forget the past
Take some time to look at the bigger picture and not be back in a flash
We're Kruger (pronounced close to sounding like Kroger)/ the fear you helped restore gives me bags
And I'm beyond tired of takin' attacks from your last-
Ing grudge for my darker days/
I love you but I wish to part our ways/
There's only so much my heart can take
In terms of holes and you immerse me in 'em the Spartan way/
It's not our choice we're physically far away/
And yes half the reason is me that our spark gave way/
But this time it's your fault that our world is shaking
You shut me out because the ears of another girl were waiting/
It seems that even for Britney your concern's decaying
It's ****ed up/ 'cause you never acknowledged how much I changed/
'Cause of our rapport me and my fam are pretty much estranged
**** these games you love to play/ 'tween now and then nothin's changed
Good luck not lovin' me as much as pain
You have no idea
What it's like
To watch you die
Every day
Every night
All the time
You can't even see that I am
Here with you
By your side
But as much
As I try
You deny
That I fight
For your life then I scream that
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)
For a year it's been suicide with clues to find solutions I/
Don't think you're usin' my heartful l advice/ damn dude have I
Not been full of time so you could find/ reasons for you to not be blue and live/
But everytime I cope a sit and let you vent/ you walk off and do the opposite/
Talk about exhausted *****try listenin' to all your promises
And problems it's/ a shame how it's all turned out
I'm so burnt out/
I'll be the last to say this won't work out/
If you take your anger out on me again like I'm a dating spot/
Speakin' of those feelings that you refrain from not (knot)-
Icing was it honesty/ or rants of despar (as in spar) ity exasperated by deprav (as in im"prov") ity/
Or is there a real fervor (as in carni"vore") for me
If so then why you ignor (same as above) ing me/
For a Vai's you say you are not strong enough to close
Go **** yourself with a rubber hose
I don't care where the **** it goes/
I was there when no one was and this' the thanks I get
Never was I a dick to you so why'd you wank me *****/
My tears have turned into repressed anger/
For you a brother to me now a depressed stranger
That I have to put up longer than my dress' hanger
You have no idea
What it's like
To watch you die
Every day
Every night
All the time
You can't even see that I am
Here with you
By your side
But as much
As I try
You deny
That I fight
For your life then I scream that
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)
To me your life's meaningful (good riddance)
But I'm 'bout this close to sayin' **** you (you idiot)

I once thought to have the world within my grasp, that all I needed I already had.
I once thought to be unable to feel more happier than I was while you were around.
Only way to make it better, was to change our worlds of ones and zeroes to contact of the flesh itself.
Even though I realized it, I choose to deny it. I was sorely mistaken about you and I, and this and that.
You smiled when you lied about your feelings.
"I cannot give to you more than this" you said with an evil smirk while observing me from afar.
The smirk, was it real or imaginated?
I do not know, and I fear I will never know, my mind play tricks on me once and again.
Misleading me to believe, like it allowed me to believe in your words.
Words... Amazing how powerful it can be, use it well and one can find pleasure, use it well, and one can find the demise of the soul.
leaving an empty husk behind, like you left me. An empty husk longing to be filled, once again, with the colors of joy.
Coming from the other side of the world, I felt your words and disdain like piercing cold knives straight to my heart, once warm, now cold, since you left.
And following your words you went away to never come back.
Along with you, went away also the joy and happiness I dared to thought to be eternal, a sweet lie I was telling myself...
Even today, after so long, I still think about you and I, your mesmerizing gaze that made me forget and float, your enchanting laughter and the warm and soft touch I told myself that you had.
Touch that I will never feel, laughter I will never hear, again, and eyes that I will never meet, again.
When you left, I was torn, between love and hatred. Now the hatred is gone and the love morphed to friendship, which I would like to share with you.
The Mauritius girl, will my words reach you?
I guess they will not, but I like to hope, to dream.
Hopes and dreams, the accessories of the weak...
A weak being, that I am, a being to be filled with fake bliss, five by day.
Three by the sunrise and two when the diamonds imbue the skies.
As like that, the curtains shall rise and fall before my eyes, at each passing empty day.
And so I live on, even if that means to not have you anyway I can... The only way I can...
For now, I just wonder, if will I ever find it again while I live? The joy and wonder, I mean.
I ask this chair, I ask the other me on the looking glass and I ask my shadow.
I guess these are the only companionships I will ever have until I meet my final doom.
My shadow, my other broken me and this chair and my memories, of you and I...

you're a silent person inside, that i know..
so a single insult or pain would pose a great blow..
When in pain close your eyes and drift..
think of of happiness and joy, that would give you a lift..
Anger and grieve, please don't let it rust..
In your heart don't let it last..
know that jokes come and go..
sometimes jokes go far beyond "tolerable"
so when hit in the heart so hard,
stay with your guard..
Maybe tomorrow's a better joke..
maybe tomorrow's your day..
Because every "tomorrow", we change, we grow, we love more and joke more..
Sorry for today..
We had to see those sad, sad, eyes..

Kill me now,
no one needs to know how.
They don't care anyways,
let me waste away.
I'm so alone,
I'm always on my own.
I was happy one minute,
now I want to cut.
I'm trying to stay strong,
but it's been too long.
I'm giving up,
since no one is helping me up.
I'm falling down,
and there's no one around
to keep me sane,
so all I want is pain.

I'm sorry for all the horrible things I have said,
I'm sorry for all the bad things I have done,
I'm glad to havve you as my best friend again,
I was sad, depressed, and desperate to hear you voice, and,
Talk to you again.
Oh Caleb, I cannot tell you,
How happy I was, happy to finally,
Talk to you after months,
You will always be my best friend no matter what,
You know that I will always be here for you,
I miss you a lot, why oh why must you live,
So far away?
Why do you live in Illinois,
Why did you leave me,
Why did you go away and not come back?
Caleb, please come back real soon, we all miss you,
But I miss you the most.
You are my best friend,
And I am here to stay.
I will never let you down,
Never put you down,
Never will I forget about you,
I will never hate you,
It is impossible,
It is impossible, because you picked,
Me up when I was down, you
Were always there for me, and you still are,
You never let me down, and you never called me names,
You Never let me be sad, and it was amazing,
To have such a good friend around,
So why, why did you move away?
I know it was for your protection,
I know you had to get out of that horrible place,
That horrible dark place,
Oh how bad I wanted to beat them for beating you,
You did not deserve that, and I hate that image,
Noone deserves to be treated that way; I don't care,
Who they are.
Caleb thank you for being my friend again,
And forgiving me, and for always being here for me,
May I ask one little favor of you?
PLEASE COME BACK??????????
Always~N~Forever,
Briana Lynn Palmer
06-17-12
Dedicated To: CAZ

Man’s Afflictions and God’s Salvation!
I’ve seen and heard of many afflictions!
Things happen in life, that need our attention!
There are things that happen that bring despair.
Wondering if anyone listens or even cares!
There’s a God in heaven who sees what’s wrong!
There are many things that don’t belong!
Evil moves with a power and destructive force!
It comes in many forms, from an ungodly source!
God knows what is happening and offers a plan!
His gift of salvation is freely offered to man!
His ways of living are at odds with this earth!
Anyone can come to Christ,
and receive a “new birth!”
If life’s heartaches and worries
are pulling you down…
There’s a new life for YOU!
Waiting to be found!
Your afflictions, for God’s healing,
is for you to receive!
Won’t you reach out to him now?
And simply believe?
His gifts of mercy and hope, is what HE can give!
He can totally transform you!
And the way you live!
His salvation, for life’s heartaches, is freely yours!
A new life with Jesus can be true
and secure!
By Jim Pemberton

its the end inside my head
i must say goodbye my dear
friend
im entering the unknown
im slowly starting to unravel
and become unsewn
you must not figure who i am
for i am no one
no one to be loved, no one
forgotten, no one to grieved
when the end is truly received
i will not be one loved, i will
not be one forgotten
for there there there is
nothing to forget
but this mere note of
uncertainty and confusion

UNSUPPORTED CODE We often hear this topic across our nation.
Another person crying; “discrimination.”
In our many attempts to not discriminate.
It seems like it’s God that we seek to eliminate.
It seems like we’ve come up with our own “rules.”
And somehow have turned into a bunch of “fools.”
We accept many perversions of various kinds…
But God himself? We seem to close our minds!
In many of our lives, we’ve “kicked “ him out.
And refuse what he really is about!
The words, “In God we trust...” Our money bears it!
Anything of God? We’re afraid to share it!
It seems like the courts almost say he doesn’t exist!
And have brought much confusion into our midst!
As many say it’s “offensive” to display a cross…
Many godly values have already been lost!
It’s time to wake up America! And begin to see!
The kind of country we’re beginning to be!
A country that’s foundation is getting off course.
Being driven by a wicked and ungodly force!
Out only hope is in God! And him alone!
We must invite him back into our homes!
To God and his word we must hold secure and fast!
He is our only hope that our country will last!
By Jim Pemberton

Please Touch Me, Lord Jesus!
Please touch me, Lord Jesus!
I need you!
I come now, because I want
to be with you!
Bless me with your presence!
I patiently wait!
I need your now! Before it's too late!
Touch my life with your Holy Ghost' fire!
Move me with a godly passion
and holy desires!
Come now! And bring a revival within!
Show me your ways!
And cleanse me from sin!
Thank you my Lord!
For doing what you do!
I am so honored and blessed
to know YOU!
By Jim Pemberton

I know your pain
Although I don't know what's happening,
I can still feel the vain.
Seems like the beginning is the ending
One moment there's bliss
It feels much like a wet kiss.
But out of nowhere you see a mirror,
"It felt so real," as you stand there alone.
You try to make sense of it all;
Yet everything begins to fall.
"AHHHH!" you scream to the top of your lungs.
Your blue eyes are running waterfalls.
It hurts me to see a single tear,
You're not the only one to hide in the room.
Swallow your tears, don't let it drop,
A splash will only cause more bitter props.
But like I say,
Tomorrow will always bring another day.
So Faith, throw away your thorns,
anticipating a happy God-given next day.

Sometimes I like to pretend, things never came to a end. But over time, our love became a crime. I didn't know what we had, would ever end so bad. But then I knew things weren't right, when we started to fight. Now I walk down memory lane all the time, the pain is worst then committing a crime. We only caused eachother pain, but we were eachothers maine. I thought things would be alright, but I cried alot that night. I don't want things to change, without you my life is strange. You said you wanted me so much it started to hurt that you couldn't wait, now im just another person you hate. When you said you didn't care, I knew the person I loved was no longer there. You aren't the same, the new you is lame. We both fell, now it's hell. You use to always be here for me, like family. But now your nowhere in sight, things aren't right. Empty is all that I can feel, I still can't believe this is real. I didn't mean to let you get away, I didn't know what to say. Am i with the right guy, or am i telling myself a lie. I was afraid to loose what we had, but to you that choice was bad.

Midnight Cries
In midnight skies the cries of love drift off to sleep in endless love.
For he who heard them.
Sent them hope, that God created a world for them.
For us to see and bare good times.
For no more hurt and devishlish crimes.
For the earth which once was good.
Is soured and torn.
There are no morals or dreams no more.
Or hope of good things when suffering soars.
For they are crushed by his vast sword.
For he who has the greater sin.
He has carried and been burdened with.
He has been forgotten.
In times like these.
Because people hearts bleed with disease.
For they have burdened him with more sin.
They have forgotten the pain he is in.
For he so carried his cross with pride.
A younge man who was destined to die.
No matter what the world does think.
This man did live before we did.
We have lost our way in darkened times.
Like lost sheep we have roamed, away from him.
If youd only listen and help to carry his cross.
Take the blame for things done past.
Change our ways for hope to last.
We wont do that out of pride.
When he is denied.
I feel for him.
I pick his cross up and help him off the ground.
For he is my brother.
Who I have found.
He has carried that cross.
No man deserved his life in such a lose.
Tormented and torturded to no extent.
He didnt look like a mere man in the end.
He coutinued to stand even after he fell.
Showing me the strength of Heaven and hell.
For a man so strong, so bold and kind.
Showed me what we can do as man kind.
He gave his life for everyone who reads this.
For those who can not see.
Do not be blind
Find this man, for he needs you.
He gave his life to save you.
With your help, you raise his cross.
You heal that burden of love.
That has been lost.
Ease his pain and find your way.
For Heaven is a start and hell is a step away.

And I can smell the windswept pine
Warmly holding hands, yours in mine
We move against the coming night
Our aching bodies drawing the line
Through the snow we lightly play
Laughing madly, in love we stay
Back to our cabin of logs and love
As the sun dwindles to a single ray
Bathed in firelight, glistened in sweat
We roll and writhe and love and yet
We two stripped and licked by flame
Fuelled by amore and desirous inset
These presents we give each our hearts
Bound together we lay upon fiery hearth
As winters coat enwraps this self bounty
We shall never be alone or torn apart

13 February 2011 7:36 am
If your children are with you and I am not
Remember I still love them and you with all I’ve got
You have my words that I have said
You have my writings that I hope you have read
This is my legacy that I leave you
It isn’t much but is the best I could do
I hope you can see the truth in what you read
It contains years of experience and guidance that you need
I am sorry for the hard times and bad
I am sorry for the mistakes I made as dad
See my mistakes as you are meant to
A guide of things that you should not do
See the good that I did do
It came from God in me and you
Read and study your bible and follow Gods heart
It will guide you better and keep the world from tearing you apart
Don’t read too much into things
It will spoil the truth that life brings
Don’t worry for tomorrow God takes care of it
Don’t worry about the past or it will become your death pit
Take care of today and the next today when it comes
Don’t get in a hurry and don’t live life on the run
You have a good life you can have a good time
Just follow our Lord and you will never be blind
Remember me laughing remember me kind
I am with our Father, thinking of you and haveing a great time
Love you always and forever my darlings.

The Sieve of Time
Cast ashore,
along the banks of time,
whirling through the passing years,
clinging to my futile scribbles set in rhyme,
Cast ashore,
thrust into an unrehearsed pantomime,
clenching slivers of joy as weariness descends,
lulled into a peaceful slumber exhilaratingly sublime.
Cast ashore,
hazily adrift, a dandelion seed on the wings of time,
trapped in the sieve of spiralling memories,
caught between pristine bliss, and reeking slime.
Cast ashore,
flung aside for no discernible crime,
my human heart thuds with elusive hope,
though battered, bruised, and covered in grime,
I stagger ashore,
alone,
embracing each moment of detached, oblivious time.

W. Wondering why your here still here very near
O. Obviously knowing that you still very much care
N. Now is not forever so I'll hold you right here
D. Diamonds meant forever then we took a dare
E. Eternity is ever lasting and neither of us could be there
R. Ready to silence the never ending battle that we both now share
I. Interested in falling in love
N. Nestled in misery of our past love and holding it dear
G. Guessing at a game that the rules arn't all that clear

If it's not one thing then it's another.
I'm either fighting with my dad or hearing screams from my mother.
My girlfriend doesn't trust me. I can't pay for therapy.
I can't do this all alone. I get down on my knees.
I ask the lord for forgiveness, right before I begin.
Although he is a forgiving God, how could he look upon sin?
Prayer is so simple even a child can start.
It's not all imagination, your faith must come from the heart.
It's all so real, the thrill you feel, the chill that's going through you.
You no longer fear it, the holy spirit starts showing and glowing, it's true.
Who knew that you, that tough guy? The one that wouldn't believe?
Then why are you always calling out for him when your unable to achieve?
He's always there to help us. Stand out and give it a try.
The Closer you get to God you'll see this isn't a lie.
Thank you, Jesus! Praise Jesus! Halliugha! Oh Lord!
I can never lose a battle using you as a sword!
Life here is too short, yesterday is already gone.
Knowing where you'll spend eternity will help keep you moving on.
Praise God!

Are You Under A Cloud Of Suspicion?
Do you feel you’re under a “cloud of suspicion?”
Despite all of your efforts
and “best intentions?”
Have others found you “guilty” by a word spoken?
And this has left you hurt and your heart “broken?”
Perhaps you’ve tried the best way you could.
But you often feel misunderstood.
You may feel “cast off.” Alone and afraid…
There’s been many times you’ve cried and prayed!
If you feel like your life has been “upside down.”
I know of someone who can turn your life around!
His name is Jesus! He’s done the same for me!
The chains are gone. I’ve been set free!
Any kind of “suspicions” will vanish and disappear!
God’s word can make
HIS love so very clear!
God’s love and hope for you is powerful and evident!
Won’t you allow HIM to be your heart’s “resident?”
With Jesus… Through life’s storms, you shall prevail!
He is your best friend and will never fail!
Jesus is the “antidote” in a hopeless situation!
You can accept his gift of life and restoration!
By Jim Pemberton

Scared to walk on the flagstones that your love would lay in my journey
My journey to freedom
My journey to diffidence
My journey to destiny.
I returned back flake of your sole that was with me as a keepsake
AND started ambling legs on the promenade of my journey.
I didn't want to bail out from our story
I just wanted to elide your presence in my sole
You never brought any elegy to our imperishable bond but
It was me who rusted ours amicable relation and decided our segregation.
Walking away from your home and stepping on YOUR FOOTSTEPS
I felt your breath and relived every moment with you again but
When I turned back I just saw a dilapilated house and a barren dusty road
NOW as I am roaming lugubriously I don't have you with me
Your absence has quenched my thirst for search of destiny
And I have realized that my journey didn't began after leaving you but it ENDED.
Its not that I have forgotton you and my brain has erased photographic memories of you in my kaput life
I still remember you while sitting on the porch and watching the stars alone
I still remember you when I want someone to hold my hand and walk with me
AND I still remember the last meeting of our eyes.
Whenever these feeling start taking control of me I console my heart by saying
How could I have asked her to come when even I don't know where I am going.
I am just a Soulless Wanderer`

Those Distant African Nights...
1.
The shadows swayed in your candlelit room,
a cool breeze teasing your bare back,
streaks of lightning forked in the Johannesburg night,
as my hands stroked your hair,
kissing your soft mouth,
holding you,
ever so tight.
2.
You whispered that you loved me,
and I kept silent,
the rain fell,
shadows danced,
thunder rolled,
the breeze teased your naked back,
you whispered that you loved me,
as my lips found yours,
the rain washed over our tender nights,
lightning and candlelight,
etching poems on your burnished skin,
yet,
a fear gnawed at me,
deep within.
3.
We parted ways,
and you could never forgive me, you said,
now, after numberless thunderstorms,
the rain that falls,
echo the countless tears that I have shed.
4.
You are long gone,
far away,
happy, I pray,
yet the memories persist,
those precious moments shall never,
ever,
like the Jo'burg rains,
trickle away,
and I wish you well,
for loving me as you did,
for it was I who was not worthy,
then,
and it is I who is not worthy,
now...
5.
You were always true,
it was I who always,
always,
refused to,
to give myself,
completely to you.

I stutter and stumble
the right words
already been said
I soon discover
I drifted
between life and death
excuses strangled
my lying breath
I operate
like a broken machine
convenient for me
but unplugged
to your hopes and dreams
I started to squeak
when I walk
Forgot to maintenance
my body
with the crap
I talk
Look past your eyes
to another face
So I can start over
leave this place

every year these streets get hotter and more cats burn
in and out of the beast belly taking turns
too many stories on lost potential
all they know is iced grill, steel,and street credentials
I not a hypocrite I'm well aware of what I did
walking that fine line between a man and a kid
I stayed drunk on the regular day in and day out
back when Private Stock use to make the 64 oz
I was clueless my ruthlessness getting me by
only plan for the day was get highs and survive
I was so young and restless
reminiscence on my first stick, first time I took some bodies necklace

I am gay.
I'm not a disease, I'm not a problem
I'm not an affliction
I don't need treatment.
I don't need help
I'm not sick
I'm not confused
I'm not a sin.
I am gay.
I'm your daughter
Your sister
Your friend
Your co worker
Your classmate
Your acquaintance
A complete stranger
I am gay.
I need love, just like you
I need smiles
I need support
I need a hug
I need a friend
I need a family
I need acceptance
I need understanding
I need you
I am gay.
I know what love is
I know what pain is
I know what hate is
I know what life is
I am gay.
And I need you to love me
The same way you loved me before you knew
I am gay.
And I have experienced hate
From more people than just you
I am gay.
And I wont change.
I wont give up.
I wont back down.
I wont pretend.
I wont lie.
I wont deny.
I wont hide.
I wont hurt.
I am gay.
And that's okay.

Man's Confusion and God’s Redemption!
God’s wrath is revealed against all ungodliness…
Neither will he put up with man’s unrighteousness
His truth has already been given unto all men…
And his love has been shown unto them.
The invisible things of God, from
creation, have been seen…
Being understood by men. From HIM…
who’s made everything.
Many haven’t glorified him or
thanked him for his creation....
And many have become foolish in their vain imaginations!
Professing themselves to be wise,
many have become “fools.”
By not obeying God. But living by “their set of rules.”
Changing God’s glory to that of corruptible man.
Many have brought a great darkness throughout our land.
God has given them to uncleanness
that abounds in their hearts...
While many have burned in their own lust.
Right from the start.
Worshiping the creature(not creator).
Has given a new direction…
And has caused in many hearts.
A deep “spiritual infection.”
Women and men leaving their God given
affection in lust of each other.
Have changed God’s true design and
purpose of one another.
As God has given so many over to a reprobate mind…
Many continue in shameful acts of just about every kind.
Without an acknowledgment
for God in each of our lives...
We’ll continue down a “deep spiral” filled with so many lies.
God is our only hope. His gift of eternal life is freely given.
Why not let him be the God of the way your livin’?
By Jim Pemberton 05/28/1 (Read Romans 1:18-32)

I feel really hurt, I hope you don't notice the mascara stains on your shirt. I dont want you to know I still cry, I dont want you to know your the reason why. I know I have made many mistakes and caused you many heartaches. But I dont know how you handle this pain, I'm going insane. I feel like that one lie, has done more than make me cry. Its caused me to look at you a different way, its caused me to overthink everything you have said or say. I dont want us to change but now things feel so strange. I guess I'll just have to adjust but I dont have anyone to trust. I dont know what all you have said is true, I dont know what to do. Should I be mad, is it okay for me to be sad. I hate the fact but I don't know how to react. I didn't exspect for that to happen, I wasn't prepared for my heart to be broken. I thought we we didnt keep secrets from eachother, I thought we could trust one a nother. But you have proven me wrong, showed me I'm not strong. I just hope you gain my trust back, before things get all wack.

It's when the night gets cold
I miss you the most
With no ones there to cover or care
It's when the night gets cold
My thoughts flood my brain
Your image takes such a strong hold
I have no control
It's when the night gets cold
I ache for you the most
Wanting to be so close
But no one near to see nor hear
It's when the night gets cold
I miss you the most

this is my sober livin lifestyle..and im so sorry that ive being gone for awhile,
i will overcome all of my trials,
got my sponsor on speed dial.
ha my life used to be a big joke,
drinking and druging until the Lord spoke,
He told me to go to a meeting a day and listen and hear what the people have to say
it was their words but my story so i can relate,
they didnt reject me there was no debate,
have i finally found my way home,
theres others, I am not alone,
my name is al and im an alcoholic i admit it,
but im getting clean now so when i die i can say i did it,
looking back at my life and all the things that i thought were fun,
are the very same things that got me on the run,
this is my sober livin lifestyle,
and im so sorry that ive been gone for awhile,
nowadays i wake up each morning eager to see what awaits,
i get on my knees and thank god for givin me this place,
get a sponsor they told me, its the first thing i should do,
and keep coming to meetings and share what ive been through,
wow the weight lifted off of my chest take a step back and take a breath,
im being clensed into the brand new me,
hands in the air i am free
By: Albert Rosebruch

You question my heart
And curse my soul,
Adding bullshit to bullshit
With a mouth so bold.
Many have problems
but ours are too cold,
And if it doesn’t change now
It’ll be till we`re old.
You question my heart
And call my love my lies,
We both hurting and we’re yelling
And refuse to sympathize.
Minds colliding, crashing, in twine,
I’m sitting right in front of you
But you say I’m hard to find.
You question my heart
Cause you forgot my love,
And you a stranger to me
In the place of my beloved.

Torn apart; life now
seems strangely open
as my heart weeps.
Broken down castle walls
usurped by your emotional
crusades.
Crumbled defences.
Retreat.
Then see the open plain
behind you.
A new path, a life
promised for you.
From simmering embers
a phoenix flames.

Struggles begin, The pain is deep from within. He's scarred with a mark, His days are so dark. His life has become the dark days, In his troubled bed is where he lays. There is no light, His days are only night. How could he be lost in the memories he relives, How can he blame you when its him, he cant forgive.
He made his bed and he's stuck, All his life he never had luck. Time slowly passes him by, He has no wings to spread and fly. With each day he thinks he grows stronger, But the distance between him and his inner self has grown longer. He is so far from everything, Its not much longer that his toll from the bell will soon ring. How could he be lost in the memories he relives, How can he blame you when its him, he cant forgive.

When I left this world without you,
I knew it made you blue.
Your tears fell so freely,
I watched; I know this is true.
While you were weeping,
Days after I passed away.
While all was silent within me,
I saw you kneel to pray.
From this wonderful place called heaven,
Where all my pain is gone.
I send a gentle breeze to whisper,
"My loved ones, please go on."
The peace that I have found here,
Goes far beyond compare.
No rain, No clouds, No suffering-
Just LOVE from everywhere.
You need not to be troubled,
Just stay close to God in prayer.
Someday we'll be reunited,
My love, HIS love surrounds, you always, and forever.
(please rate and comment this im competing for the contest)

I know I didn’t know you for a long time…
But I just feel I know you for many years ago…
You were a the protector… the hero…….
For the family you lived for so long…
All the hero’s that lives dies a day..
But the memories will always remain..
You were so brave. I guess the bravest from all…
You wagged you tail with a word of talking..
Even humans don’t understand it at it all…
How should I say good bye. when my heart knows..
That you will never ever be back home..
But we need to hold our tears back…
We need to keep our memories strong..
Puppy…we will dearly miss you..
But we will always remember you..
In the time of danger at home…
We will pray for you…
Hoping that you will find a better life…
May be one day we will meet again…
As we met in this birth of yours…
Dearest puppy…forgive us..
If we had any mistakes within us..
we will always We love you puppy. !

===== A little rhyme inspired by DaryIsue LockHart's rhymes =====
It is for the lost.. that I wanna find the way,
Out from this dark place, of pain and misery.
Back to ourselves.. how we were, when we were young,
Before evil played its hand, before the time we got stung.
I wanna be free.. but that'll have to wait!
I'm trapped by emotion, by feelings soo great.
And I'm not alone.. in this victims prison,
D.I.Y Labotomy, I'll make the first incision.
I don't want drugs, to ease my pain,
I found Nirvana.. but can't get back again!
Some say I'm insane! This train of thought I'm on,
Goes through a portal to another dimension.
But it's a dark, cold world.. where I know no fear,
My heart it stops, my mind sharpens.. becomes clear,
When I look into your eyes.. I can see your soul,
I can reach into your heart.. but I might lose control!
Sometimes I can see.. just a little too much,
And round-about that time, I start to lose touch,
See.. I know why you hurt, but I could hurt them too!
I'd make them scream, long, sweet, songs of sorry.. just for you.
However.. I know something, that they don't know,
I've had a little glimpse, of the place, that they go,
Where they like to turn the tables.. and play little games,
Where sticks and stones hurt, but so will the names!
Till then.. keep strong! Keep your mind awake,
You've walked through fire, I think you should take a break,
But you've seen the enemy, like me.. you wanna fight,
Thats why I walk alone, with no shadow, in the night.

Nobody
Knows my real name
‘Angel’
Is what I go by
I am freezing cold
I don’t have money
Just, the clothes on my back
I am a walking wardrobe
I am lonely
I smell like crap
I am starving hungry
I can’t find any shelter
My clothes are drenched
I look like a drowned rat!
Violence
Upon women
Is classed normal
Around here!
I wonder...
If
I will survive
Another day?
Only
To wake up
And
Do this
All over, again!
“Protect me tonight
As,I lay my head to rest”
“I love you, dear God”
“Goodnight”

I shattered my own heart,
Wrecking balls, tumbling decisions,
It fell upon me too late,
Forever and now I will lose what I held so dear,
But I held it out at arms length,
I let it fall, the uncurling my fingers,
Sinking into an emotional seat that engulfs me,
I so desperately buried the threat,
Happy once, I have not forgotten,
The taste of joy upon my lips still,
How could one ever forget the ecstasy that is happiness,
For we all seek it within the nil,
Berserk and rampant in my head,
A beast set loose upon my mental state,
So silent am I, my comfort so walks away,
So silent I can hear the screams echo within the blank,
Damp and dark are my thoughts of late,
Cramped tight inside, no prison break,
Hoping to find my way,
Before fear swallows me in regret,
And I become lost in my own wake.

.The survivors. Yes, that's what we call ourselves. We've lived through the terrors of life.
Gentle hands, soft spoken, safe in his arms. Obey, and listen, and the swirling melody of
love plays throughout the scene. And yet, this masquerade is always broken to reveal the
truth. Words sharper than daggers explode around our ears. Bruises appear on our skin.
We've "fallen", the clumsy females we are. We fell. A sports injury, a car crash, a freak
accident. Freak accident of hatred. Much like the lion, quiet and stalking, and then exploding
into a flurry of the hunt. Of the hurt. Swift blows, and blood drips from noses, tears stream
from eyes in a silver river of desperate please, bruises decorate us in tawnys and majestic
purples. Reminders of our "wrong doings". We need to pay for our sins. The only witness are
the walls, and the moonbeams that dance about our dizzy heads. On the ground. Steel toes
to the back. A crack. Fire. Pain. And then, a cool silence. The rage subsides, and apologies
appear. "I'll never do it again" and "I lost control" replay in the back of our heads. Our deja-
vu from the previous night. Always the same. Always the pain. The survivors. Thats what we
call ourselves. And by the dark dance of the moon against the velvet sky, as stars twinkle
like sequins, and fade into the dawn, we pick ourselves up. New excuses. New plates to buy.
A new alarm clock. New knives, doors, but no new hearts, stabbed until the hemmoragging
hurts like a firestorm. Alone. We are alone. We, the Survivors, have lived not an apocalypse,
not a plane crash, but the darkest part of our lives. Therapy can lock it away, but never
remove the dark stain of dried blood upon our souls. Lost. We come together, and escape.
We start anew, but are never the same. Dark dreams, paranoia haunting our shadows, and
the jumps that come with shattered glass of the clink of dishes. Never the same, but
stronger. What doesn't kill you is sure to leave a horrible scar, but wounds heal And while
scars remain as a reminder of the pain endured, we are, for the better, stronger. We
survived.
.

Little acts of kindness
why do i hesitate?
do a little good
i run away
why am i afraid?
not acting in the moment
dreaming saving lives
hiding from helping those who deserve
i am better than that
no use of good thoughts
i am not a use to humanity
i asked the little boy if hes lost
didn't bother asking again when he said im not
i agreed to help the man choose
got distracted in picking my own tools
didn't pick up the phone on the floor
not felt like running after the woman who headed for the door
i cheated and sipped pink lemonade
when i paid for only water
i didn't respond to my drunk friend
when she needed a place to stay
tried all the clothes in the fitting room
didn't hang them for the busy sales girl
ordered a large meal,super size
and gave no tip
ignored the homeless girl
i swear i saw her cry
i hurried and turned my head away
Didn't lend my sister that coat
i wanted to wear it out in the cold
left the faucet drip all night
too lazy to get out of bed
threw my half eaten sandwich in the trash
not enough mayo or cheese left
lied to the sales guy not having change
just wanted to break my 20 dollar bill
Hung up on my mom ,told her it got disconnected
pretended to be on the phone to get out of an awkward encounter
Didn't forgive anyone with all my heart
never responded when they texted to apologize
i want to change, i am the reason
the world is what it is because of people like me.

Hope, tonight, is just a void
Love is destroyed
Reality impending my doom
Suffering a dream that was never made for me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Don’t worry I’ll be fine
I can just wait, wait as in all eternity
You deserve to be happy and free
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
You travel all across in my veins
Showing you share my pain
But my life was never meant for me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
I'm sorry for those days
I've ruined your life
Best you just ignore, forevermore
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me
Suffering is the same as living
Tonight I might, Today I may
Set you free away from me
I’m just the burden falling under your arms
I understand if you give up on me

**Morten Veland, Guitarist, Male Vocalist and Main Songwriter of Sirenia, formerly of Tristania**

Jacob, im sorry,
I'm sorry I've lied,
I'm sorry Ive cause all the tears that you've cried.
I know I am worthless,
I'm not good enough,
But even though so you show me truest love.
I'lll work on my thinking,
I'll work on my words,
I'll work and I'll try until my heart just hurts.
I swear I'll be good,
I swear I'll do better,
Cuz baby I want you until death and after.

Lord, I Stumbled and Fell!
Lord, I have stumbled and fallen once again!
By hanging on to a stubborn sin!
I once thought, “My life will never get off track,”
Until that one day after I committed
such a sinful act.
“No one’s watching me” was what I thought,
I didn’t now the pain and suffering,
into my family, that I brought!
That moment of “pleasure,”
I hoped would go away,
But sin stares me in the face, every day!
Pride crept into my once cheerful heart,
It’s now eating at me! Tearing me apart!
I once thought I was ”too good,”
to commit a sin like this!
Many of God’s blessings, I now will miss.
To you Jesus… My whole heart,
I ask you to cleanse.
It’s in YOU! That my life depends.
Create in me a clean heart!
Renew a right spirit within me!
Your forgiveness in my life,
is what others must see.
The most important thing,
to God that I can give…
Is a broken and contrite heart,
each day I live!
By Jim Pemberton rev. 04/13/13

The paintbrush spreads us all over the canvas
a gallery of our beauty
my hands around picture frames
your face worn as a mask
the wax melts away all of our pain
the fireplace burns the wood
little pieces fly threw the air
They end their journey
laying on the floor of the darkest place
one lands on the canvas i painted
Burning it along with our lies
It curls up into little circles
eventually fading away
just like our pain

My eyes
Refuse to see tragedy
My eyes
Marinate in dread…unable to embrace ecstasy
And I’m left in my solitude…
My eye’s sagging…from endless mourning
And I’m close to my demise…
Only to find myself disappear…
When will peace draw near?
You don’t see
What damage you’ve done
Just let me be
Leave me alone…hand me a gun
I yearn for unspoiled glory
To make me feel perfect once more
I yearn for flawless serenity
To make me feel no regret…don’t ignore
My calls…don’t hang up on me
You don’t see
What damage you’ve done
Just hear my plea
Listen to my excruciating cries…
Listen to the truth, not the malicious lies
Our journey has just begun
And I’m left in my solitude…
Do you hear me weeping?
And I’m close to my demise…
Only to find myself disappear…
When will peace draw near?
Eye can’t handle the stress
Let me release my horrendous distress
Eye can see you making that same mistake
At least MY life isn’t at stake
And I’m left in my solitude…
My eye’s weeping…do You feel my lament
And I’m close to my demise…
Only to find myself disappear…Stepped on like cement
I’m aching with discontent… I abhor this torment
When will peace scrub off my fear?
I can’t believe my eyes
Your guiltiness flows into me…
I can’t believe I fell for your lies
Your heartless action rape my mind…you don’t see
What my EYES see…
You’ll never see
How much pressure you put me under
Unchain me from this chamber
And watch me flee…
When will you be set free?

You know what
Just forget me,
being with me,
nothing good can come through.
But one thing I promise is,
I will never ever forget you.
The memories we shared,
the time went by too fast.
They're all a part,
of my tearful past.
But we both knew we couldn’t continue,
under these conditions.
There was so much love there,
but too much distance.
Please forgive me,
for the choices I’ve made.
I just want you to be happy,
but please don't let the memories fade.
I have cried myself to sleep,
time and time again.
And I'm just waiting for the one day,
that maybe we can be one again.
It's just right now,
is no time for pain and love to mix.
With all the distance and hate from both of out families that was there,
it's just impossible to fix.
Maybe we can happen again,
sometime later in life.
Just move on for now,
don't be a sacrifice.
You are too amazing,
to lose forever.
I'm not going to forget about you,
not now not ever.
No one knows,
how much this is actually hurting me.
Free from this pain I call myself,
is what I wish for you to be.

Comforting words
Smooth, quiet tones
Reassurance
complete confidence
Long nights spent reasoning
In total understanding
Twin thoughts
twin minds
twin miseries
and twin fates
Now it’s so quiet
Too quiet
Complete and utter silence....
Oh my God,
What happened to the good old days
When we both made sense?!
Lost in blurry dreams of childhood
Colorful, wonderful, windy days
Subconscious cradled memories
of the times when we
were eachother’s only friends
Only you,
the sky
the earth
and me...
No betrayal
No lies
No fire
No hate
No regrets.
I think I can understand
why you won’t face me
But your sudden silence
is so confusing
Did you ever know me well enough
to know my affection for ultimate honesty?
If you wanted me to go away
why didn’t you just say something?
Only this emptiness is left
Inconsolable grief...
For what never again can be
No warning
No parting words
No ceremony
You went and had the funeral
for our friendship
but did not invite me
From the start
I thought these ways would always be
But in the end,
All I wanted, my friend
was to say
goodbye.
I can’t trust anyone
anymore
anyway
All alone again
shame on me

It’s like screaming out load, and no one can hear
Like you dug into my darkest places, and unearthed all of my fears
Shined a light upon my insecurities revealing my tears
It’s like I surrendered my free will, to follow your command
Relinquishing all of my power I put my life in your hands
When my confidence begins to rise, you weaken my stand
It’s like fumbling in darkness, eyes wide open and still can't see
It’s like you muffled my cries, ignoring my pleas
You abused me with your words so forcefully
And they cut so deep that they scarred the inner me
It’s like running full speed and getting no where
It’s like you were my only life support, and you rationed my air
I'm gasping for air, I can't catch my breath
I've given it all that i have, and now i have nothing left
It’s like I'm acting out a script. Word for word, line for line
Like every thought that I have is yours and not mine
It’s like I’ve lost myself, I can’t find the real me.
It’s like my worst nightmares, has become reality

A spoilt photo,a wasted life,
failure as a father,the experiment didn't come off.
So great was my abhorrence at the sight of humanity
that i decided to give her the go-by.
Ladies and gentlemen i introduce you,
the disintegration of my personality.
Brand me with a red-hot iron,iam the killer,
Lynch me ,who will struck the first blow?
Be stunned because iam the zero man.
Fully aware of the danger,iam the cracker man
so don't be soppy.
Sentimentalism is the reason of stupidity
and the end justifies the means.
Nothing ever put me out,no shiver all over my body.
Zero.
I will save my skin once again,believe it or not
and i will do this with fussiness,take it or leave it.
A clenched-fist salute to the dead child in front of my car.
I killed again giving birth to nothing.

1one2two9nine
1one2two9nine
CharlaXFabels
WiseorFoolish
DOING WHAT THE JESUS SAID
Eye am risking the loss of some merits to at least prove to some of you that to do
the works of JESUS is the right and lawful thing to do the man was just like me
he seems to be a homeless and eye asked him to share my food he said no he
was taken care of a food card from the service. Eye wound up giving nothing but
a courtesy yet my blessing is unending the words that JESUS speaks are meant
to be the life we breathe and giving is so certainly the thing to do. Not bragging
unnecessarily just letting people knoe to do the works he says to do. Offer
someone food if they can take it it will help you if they refuse it you can eat it
seems to me there is nothing there to lose. Now the food eye have to eat is better
for the act of sharing even the man is not eating with me the food it's doubly
better in proportions. Show me the house that's built on stilts that's built on sand.
There is a temporary church that meets inside the main church building they
usually start the service at nine thirty today they went out on a run away there was
no church service even eye usually go just to knell down near the table and thank
Jesus for the offering there there is Coffee and some coffee cake and other
things as well but today eye am on mye own attempting more than one thing at a
time it seems beyond the eye trying to stay hooked into the wonder of this life for
it seems like GOD is just like Santa Clause to me when we have it in our heart to
do he sees it just the same.
Eye still carry my raincoat my umbrella even though it has not rained for many
weeks I'm ready. The place eye like to visit has been pulled out from under me
the preacher needs to visit his own prayer room just to see how dark his heart is
to become without his love. He warned me not to trespass and so far eye have
not been back but the wonder of it all is that the place still seems to stand a
monument to decadence a monument to disgrace. They knoe that eye am
homeless eye still walk the street without a place. The blankets in the dump
seem so nice when eye am cold. Foolishness or wisdom tell me preacher what
would you do when the sky was falling would you stick your turkey neck up to the
rain and then just drown or would you find a church with a poor doorway to get
dry. The path is narrow the climb is steep and harrow the preacher fast asleep.
Eye cry a homeless to the end of time.

There's some sense in this,
There's got to be.
Seeing so clearly, just choosing not to be
Aware, silence throws me off guard,
Nothing hurts more than anything.
They warned me about you. I blocked out the good advice and
Smiled at the lies, all the lies,
Your mind, your words, and then there's reality.
I welcome the comfort. However much sympathy,
Can't drown out the truth, screaming, tormenting,
It's my fault, my fault, my fault.
Oblivious to my own power, how can one person
So unintentionally bring about such
Destruction?
Piece by piece, actions, consequences,
I meant it, but I didn't mean it.
Still I burst out, crashed down on these victims and
Tore their lives apart.
Whilst all the while, my back was turned.
So many months of saying sorry, a thousand apologies
Make no difference. Drifting on, things get
A little worse, every day.
Lifetime of good intentions, morals,
Washed away. One wrong move and I'm done for,
Whispers I can't hear, looks I can't be imagining,
Reputation slashed. As if that's a priority.
You, all that is you, drained away, you
Broke me down, you stamped me out, until I sucked
The listless life from you. Cheap, childish,
Not deliberate.
There's nothing left to salvage, but I
Beg you not to leave. Your time to go is beckoning,
Or so you'll have me believe. And you warn me in
Blank soulless tones, when you die I shouldn't grieve.
Are you just a drama queen? Or am I just naive?

Tiny dirty hands layered in filth, grim under the nails, what dread do you face as you toil and toil throughout the long frightful day?
There is no comfort behind broken walls, no comfort in mothers arms, no safety offered to your wondering soul. Tiny hands scavenge for food, finding only aged bones with little meat, few scraps to feed your aching abdomen. Those hands so small, so cold, trembling uncontrollably, wrapped around your petite frame, your mind replaying “How will I survive today?” But you toil, toil on.
The water there is none. Only blackened pools of thick mud and how you long to taste the cool refreshing drips on your tongue, to soak your calloused and bruised toes, but that fantasy has long been gone.
Feeling as though you where made to suffer, made to grieve, want and never to obtain you start to weep. Those hands, those tiny dirty hands reach up and gently push aside the free falling tears that seem to never stop.
Though you can’t see her, her pain is real.
A child of hunger, a child of fear, her wanting is palpable, honest, and correct, no lusting just dreams all shattered by circumstance and sadly she is not alone.
So as you sit in your homes surrounded by loving faces, grand objects and perfectly set dinner places, give thanks as your hands, clean and untouched by poverty break bread.

All i could think about that day was,
Am i going to die?
I did something stupid,
I did something wrong,
I know i shouldn't of done it,
But i did it anyways.
I took 20 Tylenol PMs.
I had to sit.
I had to think.
I went to the neighbors.
I thought i was going to die.
They said to call 911,
But my mom said no,
Did you even care?
Did you want me to die?
I could have died.
And i almost did..
And all i could think about,
was,
Am i going to die?
Thats all i ever wanted right?
Was to die?
Yes.
But after you almost do die,
You change,
And realize how much you want to live.
I am on a mission.
That mission?
To find things to live for,
Then writing them down.
I have a past.
I have secrets.
I have things no one knows about.
But sometimes,
its too much for me to handle.
That day all i wanted to do was die,
But then i kept hoping i wouldn't.
I was ready to say goodbye.
I was ready to leave.
But then again,
I wanted to say hello,
I wanted to live.
And i am sorry,
For anyone i scared,
Anyone i worried.
I wish to do it again,
And i probably will,
But not anytime soon,
Or i hope not...

Do you judge?
I feel your penetrating eyes
disguised behind
your smile
So you approve...
do you...work your voodoo.
Let me believe
that no other thought
entered your mind!
What's that? A quiver?
Shiver...my conscience
take flight...
dimensia sets in
I sink into my court
judge me please...
so that my jury would be silenced.

I’m sorry as I close the door
I just can’t stay here anymore
And even though you love me so
Sometimes we have to just let go
And walk away from love.
I’m sorry that it had to end this way
I just can’t stay another day
Please believe me that I tried
Please don’t think that I lied
When I said that I loved you.
I’m sorry that you’re hurting deep inside
I’m sorry that this has to be goodbye
I hope that when I’m not around
You’ll know I didn’t mean to let you down.
But I just couldn’t stay here anymore.

I'm Not Sorry For Being Imperfectly Perfect
For being me I have never need a reason to say I'm sorry for expressing who I am.
Should man of perfect balance take his chance and jump the bridge that he man think he won't make?I say I can never be sorry for being me,so why are you? Can I not make a honest living being my simple self?Should I say sorry for being out forward?Maybe time is not nor ever be able to except people who have greater changes themselves.I am never be sorry for i am perfect I am me I shall never pretend to be a doll for someone who would treat me like a mat.What can be called when the youth speak of thing only knowledge by age?should their elder worry not for the sake of children who dance and feel free in there own skin.I say not for i am a freeman who does as he please but remains calm to collect,I shall never be sorry for being flawed for being dumb for being straight forward and just being me all the same.But the question which shall stick with me,will you say sorry for being imperfect perfection?

Within Me
Flowing through the rivulets of my everyday thoughts,
memories of you surface, gasping for air, breathing in,
permeating, absorbed by the pores of my ageing skin.
Famished, greedily gulping mouthfuls of fractured life,
awash in distant yesteryear, when your feathery kisses,
banished the vacuum, dispelling my anguish and strife.
You are eternally carved, and embroidered into my soul,
I wash ashore, smashing against the boulders of the now,
seeking solace, begging for absolution with my empty bowl.
The book of fate is sealed shut, the tea-leaves have been read,
nothing remains within me, the burden of smiling has been shed.
Now I am stranded, between dreams and the empty years ahead,
searching for forgiveness, in the miles I have yet to wearily tread.

alone
i cant remember where Ive gone
where ive gone
I tried to forget
you tried to pretend
you loved me, alone, alone
alone
you left me fighting
feeling the pain
the shame
I tried to ignore
you ran out the door
one more mistake
alone
and all at once
all the hurt all the pain
found me again
alone
I tried to forget
you tried to pretend
you loved me, alone, alone
I tried to ignore
you ran out the door
one more mistake
alone

I can't say that i remember
The last time i saw you
But i can remember
The last time i felt you
Three years have past
And the 4th is just beginning
But still i can't forget
The feeling that we shared
I can't remember the reason
We parted way
Or why it even happened
I can't remember your face
After everything was damaged
But i do remember your smile
And your kiss
The touch of your skin on mine
I remember you holding my hand
And wiped the tears away
When i cried.
I remember, I just pretend i dont
But when i saw you with her
I knew it wasn't neutral
It was only me
But that made me stronger
Now i dont dwell in my past
and i dont need your touch
I'm happy as it is
Something your not.
=)

Sitting after I finished my studies
Started thinking
Looking at the closed window facing me
I wanted to write
Do I write about Life or Politics?
The drops started hitting the window
The echo made me think
I decided to write about my studies
A way of thinking
But the darkness outside that I see,
And the drops fight
Do I write anyway or fear politics?
I looked at my pens, maybe they know
I sipped some of my drink
I see the light and thunder and light dies
I ceased drinking
Maybe after all, the problem is me
People out there fight
But is fighting and killing, politics?
A feel something moving, wants to grow
How do I think?
Why my neighbour does shout? He cries.
I started thinking
"If I respected him, he would have respected me"
This savage wants to fight
I shouted, shut up I don't fight lunatics.
He saw the picture in fact I know
The picture, I think.
I draw his daughter. You bastard, he cries
I started winking
The picture offended him, I know. See
I draw what I please, my right
My freedom. Why do my hand panics?
You Stink
He entered furious pulled my shirt
Told me he will show my real sex by pulling my skirt
My hands were alert
But damn the one who is wrong is the one hurt
I am writing now my hands trembling
Why did I start it since I can't end it?

It seems the path Iam on is changing everyday
the road uncertain just an endless shapeless gray
some would say it would all be clearer if I took up there religion
even with the doubt Iam not scared enough for that decision
I see the faith you placed in one of the many saviors
I lame excuse for the centuries of mad behavior
Iam sure your prophets where the very best of man
but your church and bibles where never in the plan
so every race has a version of there own
stories stolen from the gods of the past spoken out like it was always known
not one of these faiths is open and understanding
they keep others down and your soul churches are demanding
then you history holds no science no enlightenment
dogmatic foolishness written before free government
and every soul that is afraid to die or to ashamed to live
if you stop thinking then heaven is what they give
even now the human mind is found wanting
but reality is intelligence is hard work and life is daunting
if only the concept of good will and love
we understood without some sign from above
if you need the ancient fiction to ease your pain
I respect you and to all other men you should do the same
your saviors were righteous there’s know doubt
in there time they worship but no church was there twist whets its about
there have been many Christ’s since the beginning of man
the Mayans and Muslim have had tales since they ruled by the roman
dry king ghandi and many more sacrifice there life so others could be free
in my mind that’s what Jesus is what he is supposed to be
even know there some man of great worth he has no money no powerful church
he’s giving of himself and and loving the lost I dare you to search
and see the truth were in this together and this is paradise
we are the only keepers of our fate we must realize
I can no longer people pay to pray and talk down to others who dont believe what you say
but Christ himself did not hang with the saved he knew the hopeless so he could see them ok
but times have changed were not ruled by religious empires mad with slavery
we fought for those rights not with one mans good with collective human bravery
a new age is upon us and the true test is coming not one of prophecy
the makers of worlds the stars the cycle of suns chaos of the galaxy
I hope soon we see are only time is now there is no second chance
are race needs to come together and make a united stance
if faith keeps us apart do we even have the heart

Be Careful Of the Tongue…
Be careful of your tongue-you could
take "the wrong turn."
Sometimes things are said
with no love or concern.
The Bible refers to the tongue
as being the rudder...
Be careful to not speak
"words out of the gutter."
Be very quick to listen, ever slow to speak.
In the way you live...
and how you preach.
Remember as you take
your every breath...
The words you speak can bring
life or death.
From a heart of love,
and a Christ-like mind...
May you speak that which
is encouraging and kind.
May others know that you’re
someone who does care...
Spreading tidings of God’s joy
to people everywhere!
By Jim Pemberton

My life is so perfect and true
With you my love,
Noone else treats me the way you do.
My step-father treats me wrong, and blames everything on me,
Which makes me explode or say some things to people that I don't mean,
My mother is awesome, and she is my best friend, the only other one I can trust, except you.
I have never really loved anyone before you, except my friends, but never as much as you, my love.
I can't imagine living in a world where you don't exsist,
If I had to I would'nt do it, I would die,
I just can't be without you more than 24 hours, I am glad we are in the same school, that way when I am grounded I can still see you,
I dream and daydream about you every day and every night,
I want you to cloud up my mind, so I can think of nothing else.
My life is simple, perfect, and true.
There are some people that I wished I could say sorry to for my behavior towards them, but I don't think they would listen,
It eats my stomach up, and I feel bad for my behavior towards them, but I know I can't go into the past and erase it, guess I just have to live though it,
It just puts more scars in my heart, because no matter what we are all family in God's eyes.
I can not hate, Dislike, or even Strongly dislike anyone, even though they don't like me or may hate me, I think of them as family. So I will say sorry to someone I go to school with, she deserves it. I have 3 periods with her, so I will say sorry someday when I get the guts.
My life is so perfect, clear and safe to me

Dear Lord,
Forgive me of evil deeds;
You can be done with me.
I’m a lost soul;
I have a heart that’s black and cold.
I know I won’t live to be old;
That’s what I feel and what I’ve been told.
They say you never know what the future holds,
But I just want to go away,
If you may, you can take me today.
I know you know I don’t believe in what I say,
Its just anger and pain that never goes away;
That’s my inspiration that guides me on my way.
Father I try the best I can to be a good man;
Though sometimes, I feel like I just don’t give a damn.
And I’m sorry for every time I took the devils hand.
I’m just a simple creation a victim of temptation,
But for real it’s a test of my will,
And there’s a lot to improve on still.
I keep on going;
My is mind clear and open to the unknowing.
What are you trying to show me?
Because you know me I get distracted easily;
But I’m still alive don’t know why you let me survive,
Though I do and don’t want to die.
I don’t know what I’m saying my mind’s so twisted,
People keep telling me I’m so gifted,
But nothing I do or they say can, can seem to get me lifted.
I feel so low feeling like I’m stuck in the same hole,
But I keep my head up and get up and go,
Because whatever I felt yesterday that’s where that feeling stays,
And I appreciate that you make feel anew everyday.
Father I’m ready for a change because I cant keep living the same,
And it’s so true,
Breaking old habits is hard to do.
So I’m sorry for my actions that disrespect you;
You know truly who and how I am.
Please forgive me father for being a troubled young man,
I am trying the best I can.
Amen.
-bkmjr 2011-

Observing.
Frozen in time,
captivated by this enormous being,
the size of a small car.
Pondering,
his every move.
The way he used his hands;
so child-like.
With all the consciousness of the world,
and graceless coordination.
Aware.
of the visitors,
as they briefly called out for his attention.
Only for a moment,
then they were gone.
Untamed,
in an orderly sham.
He sat there,
in his dark cave.
As if he was waiting for the light to find him.
Perched,
on a boulder,
squatting, and primitive.
Drawing in the dirt with one hand.
Swatting a fly with the other.
Surreal,
His nature,
as he rushed to consume his food.
The females hovered behind him,
watching intently,
like me.
His movement mechanic.
His presence powerful.
He was the king of his domain.
Studying,
his magnificence, I watched.
How smart was he?
Could he feel my presence?
Engulfed in the very essence of all that was him,
I watched.
Wondering,
how he felt, I watched.
Did he think he was still in the womb of Mother Nature?
Or, did he know the iron bars which embrace him now?
Then
it happened;
our eyes met.
He noticed my presence.
His gaze intimidated me,
But I did not look away.
He approached me.
I felt his eyes inspecting my soul.
A chill ran down my back,
I turned behind me,
only to find no other presence there.
When I turned back,
we were face to face.
Separated by the sham,
And a two inch piece of glass.
Just me and him,
the two of us,
and the females hovering behind him.
Wise,
His old eyes spoke to me,
They said
“I am like you.
I love, I feel, I hurt.
I am, like you.”
Sympathetic,
I put my hand on the glass
and with all the
consciousness of the world,
he did the same.
With tears in my eyes,
I smiled.
Then, he pooped in his other hand
and wiped it on the glass.
This was a sign of endearment.
I laughed out loud.
And I swear,
He smiled back.

Why Am I Here?
I’m not here to represent a
building or a denomination.
I’m here to give the Lord my love
and admiration.
I’m not here to get “tied down
with wordly things.”
I’m here to represent Jesus!
The King of Kings!
I’m not here to be filled with
gossip or slander.
But to serve a God, who’s
power is grander!
I’m not here to live in worry and defeat…
But to allow God to make
my life complete!
I’m not here to live with
stress and tension.
But to receive God’s peace
and satisfaction.
I’m not here to worry about what
tomorrow may bring.
But to serve a God…
Who can do ANYTHING!
I’m not here to live a life
filled with sin…
But to enjoy God’s love
and peace within!
I’m here for just a brief
moment of time.
I want to serve God with
my body, soul and mind.
I’m here right now… And have
one more thing to say…
Why not make Christ your Lord?
Why not today???
By Jim Pemberton 09/24/11

Good listener, please lend your ear
To share my history
Before I take the poison drink,
I’ll tell you my story.
They’re coming even now to take
The city that we love
And hope is often lost and so
My tale i’ll tell you of.
When Carthage took upon itself
To find by light of day
A general? Well your in luck!
Great Hannibal did say.
He planned to cross the mountains great
Twas thought the only way,
But first to cross the river Rhone,
Great Hannibal did pray
The river Rhone rose up and warned
Don’t cross my waters grey!
No way to cross? Then all was lost
Great Hannibal did say
Then at once stood Hannibal
We’ll cross by th’end of day!? Take down those trees to make a raft
Great Hannibal did say
Over the water blue they went
Lined up in an array
And now to Rome and battle great!
Good Hannibal did say.
Due north he found an obstacle
That willed him to give way,
The northern tribes with battle cries
Great Hannibal did slay.
The biggest problem now was here
Across the mountains stray
“Great danger now we face, my men,”
Great Hannibal did say.
Across the mountains none did think
That they would last a day
Just one more hill or mountain top,
Great Hannibal would say
The crew were weary lost and torn
That made them curse the day
“But we are almost there, you see?”
Great Hannibal did say.
And soon enough the walls of Rome
Rose up as if to say
Who ventures here with war in mind?
Come greet us at our gates!
But in the Roman city there
Scipio here to stay
“No one can beat us, no one can,”
Great Hannibal did say.
At Rome’s great gates for 15 years
He waited patiently
We can’t stay here, for food is dear,
Great Hannibal did say.
So he turned back to Carthage’s gates
But met along the way
Scipio and his army great
Hannibal could not slay
When all was done his quest was lost,
And Rome would live too great,
A treaty signed so punishing
That Carthage lost its gate.
And Hannibal the general
That lost the city too
Was forced to go to lands beyond
And help as best he could.

I'm drowning in the tears from the sorrows of my reckless ways, now its just facing the days. If only i could've realized sooner what i have done, now the bricks are crumbling by the ton. Open my eyes and now i see, all i want from you is to forgive me. So you bring that poor dog in from the rain, though he just wants right back out again. I always find myself making the same mistake, i change and things break. Now its tough to see the light, sometimes i wish it was bright. So it could be easier to face the day, nothing gold can stay. Like mud on the pavement, it eventually washes away.....

I lie here looking at the ceiling,
Then I look to your word,
It didn't have much meaning,
Trusting you is almost absurd
You left me broken promises
I know I'm better off
No more kisses
I need to write you off
I'm a creature of habit
I know I'm not that tough
I have no heart to be compassionate
You stole it, left it in the rough
I'm Forgetting how your voice sounds
It truly makes me sad
yet still want you around
I still know what we had
Why'd did you ever leave?
Why couldn't we have been enough for you?
Now you wallow in sorrow and tell me how you grieve
love isn't for the weak I give the devil his due
Now you suffer twisting, contorted pain
the worst mistake of your life
takes me back to lovers lane
You really messed up and I'm to alleviate you of your strife?
You think you deserve it?
….
…..
…...
…....
…..I do.

An angel, cradles me, in her motherly arms
I have fallen, I am venerable
I told myself, I would not do this, no more
I have failed to keep my promise, to you
I have not stayed true
Tears flowing, as I smile, just, for you!
Remembering the times, when you cupped my face, in your hands
Your blue eyes, gazing into mine
Telling me with sincerity
‘I am the sunshine, that lights up your world, each day that dawns’
My heart aches, it rains with love, having fond memories of us
Wash me clean, being human, is challenging me!
Emotional bondage, creating blocks
I need to move on, you are dead and buried
Your time here, over
My heart struggling, accepting this reality
“Forgive me”
I pray to be free!
“I Love you, my beloved, friend”

The Addiction Of Pornogtaphy...
.
A Christian brother had a confession.
Pornography in his life was an addiction .
I couldn't believe the words
I began to hear.
As a message of hopelessness from
his lips began to appear.
I began to see tears running down his cheek.
“I go to counseling once a week.”
This was a “man of God” as many believed.
True joy and fulfillment were no longer achieved.
As the lust in his heart began to burn.
Jesus-his once true love-he longed to return.
In the coming days and weeks ahead.
So many ungodly thoughts entered his head.
He began to lose his family and all he cherished.
His life before him began to perish
Then one night in deep agony,
to God, he cried out;
“Is this what life is really all about?”
“Dear Jesus...in repentance I come to you.”
“I have sinned against God and my family too.”
He forsook the things he thought gave him pleasure.
And lived according to God's word
—his true treasure.
Run from every evil temptation
& lust of the flesh.
Or your life will end up in a huge mess!
Pornography in your life will destroy and decay.
From it's appearance—you must run away!
Enjoy Godly relationships as
Christ meant them to be.
Walk anew in God's love—Only HE
can SET YOU FREE!
By Jim Pemberton

OK GIRL WHAT YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME,
FROM THE VERY BEGINNING YOU WERE DIGGING ME
CALL ME UP ONE RAINY DAY,ASK ME TO COME OVER AND MAYBE PLAY
NOW YOU WERE THE ONE WHO REALLY CHANGED ME AROUND
TAKING ME TO CLUB JUICE AND SHOWING ME THE TOWN
AT FIRST I WAS YOUR PROJECT,YOUR PROTEGE,YOUR GIRL
YOU TOOK ME AROUND AND OPENED MY WORLD
NOW WE STARTED OUT FRIENDS AS WELL IT SHOULD BE-
ENDED UP LOVERS TO THIS DAY SUPRISES ME
TO TOOK ME TO THE WILD SIDE,BUT NOT ONCE WAS I AFRAID
YOU TOOK ME BY THE HAND,THATS HOW THE FRIENDSHIP WAS MADE
YOU OPENED YOUR HEART,YOUR LOVE,AND YOUR HOME
NEVER ONCE DID YOU SAY JUST LEAVE ME ALONE
IM NOT THE KIND OF GIRL TO KISS AND TELL
BUT BEHIND CLOSE DOORS,YOU TAUGHT ME WELL
NOW YOU WERE MY FIRST,DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
THE RULES OF ENGAGMENT WERENT REALLY EXPLAINED YOU SEE
OVER THE COURSE OF TIME THE INTIACY WAS REALLY SWELL
BUT NOW IT WAS OUR FRIENDSHIP THAT REALLY STARTED TO FAIL
NOW ALL THE WHILE I WOULD SAY "AJ WHY ME"
BECAUSE YOUR BEAUTIFUL,SPECIAL AND CARING YOU SEE
NOW I GREW TO ADMIRE YOU MORE,AND MORE
IT WAS OBVIOUS I LOOKED UP TO YOU,IT WAS YOU I ADORED
ITS YOUR STRENGTH,YOUR CHARACTER,YOUR INTENSE PASSION
QUALITIES THAT ARE APART OF YOU,THAT ARE LIFE EVERLASTING
SO NOW THAT YOU TURNED ME OUT AND TURNED ME ON
RUMOR HAS IT THAT YOU NOW WANT ME GONE
IT SEEMS YOU THINK THIS STRAIGHT ARROW IS GAY,
GIRL IM NOT GAY...YOU JUST TURNED ME THIS WAY
DONT YOU REMEMBER LOVE-IM THE ONE WHO'S STRAIGHT
I WANTED TO GO OUT,BUT NOT ON A DATE
BI OR STRAIGHT WHAT DIFFRENCE DOES IT REALLY MAKE
MEETING YOU WAS NEVER EVER A MISTAKE
SO NO THERE'S NO BETTY,JANE,SUE OR SALLY
IT WAS JUST YOU,AND THOSE FEW TRIPS TO CALI
I CERTAINLY DONT WANT TO ALIENATE OR PUSH YOU AWAY
YOU TOLD OTHERS IM"YOUR BEST FRIEND"WAS THAT A MISTAKE
IF I LOST YOUR TRUST,MY HEART WOULD BREAK
YOUR MY CONSTANT TRUE FRIEND IN THIS SIN CITY STATE
REMEMBER THE ADVICE,THE SMART WORDS YOU TOLD ME
DONT TRUST ANYONE ,DONT LET VEGAS MOLD ME
I WISH I COULD BELIVE THE WORDS YOU SAID IN YOUR VERY HOME
LATELY WHEN I CALL ,YOU WONT EVEN PICK UP THE PHONE
AM I SO SAPPY OR SORRY TO THINK YOU WOULD STAY
PERHAPS IVE SAID TOO MUCH,AND YOU WISH I'D GO AWAY
I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR SPACE AND YOU GIVE ME MINE
HOPEFULLY WE CAN FORGIVE EACH OTHER,AND WE'LL DO JUST FINE
IF I SHOULD DISSAPPEAR,FALL OFF,LEARN A LESSON ONE DAY
WHO WILL REALLY UNDERSTAND THE"INTRIGUE"OF JESSICA
I GUESS YOU WERE JUST DRAWN THIS WAY-

The sound of fear bellowing from my soul, as I shake excessively
The words are no longer words in the duel, I fear the reality
I continue to scream, no longer in control
My movements are quick, as I do not have rule
This nightmare is a reality
During the day the nightmare calms, until I arrive home
I do not wish to hurt the ones I love, so I try to roam
I roam around, until they arrive, trying to help to keep me calm
Another night, another match only to continue
This nightmare is still a reality
My tantrums contain pain, held in from others
I wish the day with no more pain,I have never wished to hurt another
I continue to try day by day, to help keep this nightmare away
The nightmares are a fading reality

I never wanted you to see this.
The darkest part of me.
Something filled with mystery and darkness.
You havent seen all of me but you have seen just enough for me to have to leave.
Im sorry but I cant let that part of me hurt you.
Im starting to care about you and that scares me.
I dont want to hurt you.
But I dont want to leave.
What should I do?
What should I do?

the way of life i need to see
what path ahead of life is for me?
so full of people yet so alone
where is the place i can call home?
your here with me yet I've never felt more lost
with you again but at what cost?
we are still together yet we are drifting apart
if we're still together i cant be that smart
two different worlds joined by one thread
getting so weak it fill us with dread
what is to come everyone has guessed
the once new love has now been messed
you where my everything
one day soon the thread will ping
so this is my way of saying its over
i hope you forgive me my little clover
my love for is infinant and i will never forget
the happiness i felt when we first met
i guess it was not meant to be
so this is it i will be the first to leave
my first true love is now gone
how could something so perfect go so wrong
like an unhappy love song
so good luck to you i wish you well
I'm sorry that are pure love turned to hell
goodbye i will miss you
i wish you find someone special my boo

I want to scream
God save me
I want to scream
Take away the blackness
And wash me white again
I want to scream
Why did you leave me God
I want to scream
Don’t you hear me
Don’t you see me
Can’t you see me drowning
I want to scream
Do you even care
Don’t you see your child slowly fading
I want to scream
That no I’m not strong enough
And yes I do need you
I want to scream
I thought you there
But you seemed to disappear
I want to scream
I am sorry for turning away
I am sorry for failing you
I want to scream
I want it all back
And so much more
I want to scream
Why didn’t you pick me up
When I fell face first
I want to scream
What did I do wrong
Was my love not good enough
I want to scream
I am fine
I’ve done it this far without you
I want to scream
I can no longer do it on my own
I need you desperately
I want to scream
I have bitterness because of you
Bitterness towards you
I want to scream
Where were you when I was hurting
Where were you when the tears poured
I want to scream
Where were you when I wanted to end it all
Where were you in my darkest days
I want to scream
Deliver me and take me
Take me in your arms
I want to scream
Take my life in your hands
Let your will be done
I want to scream
How do I let it all go
I feel so betrayed
I want to scream
I need divine intervention
I need you to carry me
I want to scream
I can no longer walk
I am weak and weary
I want to scream
No matter what I can do this
I don’t need you or anyone
I want to scream
Help me fight this battle
Fight this war inside
I want to scream
Help me to overcome
Give me what I lack
I want to scream
Why do I even want to try
Why do I want to risk it again
I want to scream
Save me God
Save me God
Because you are losing your child
Because she is fading fast
Because she is looking in all the wrong places
Because she refuses to look up
Because she is losing that smile you gave her
Because she wants to be the woman you made her to be
Because she wants to be the mother you made her to be
Because she is tired of the tears
Because she’s reaching the breaking point
I want to scream
SAVE YOUR DEAR CHILD
But I can’t find the courage…
But I can’t find the faith…
But I can’t find the voice…

That which would make me a cog in the machine ,
dragoon me into a lethal automaton
be left in the walls of sleep.
As the sun bleats in fear of crowds &
the sparrows call w-/in a ring of fire.
Let the world spin on thru space's
quagmire sinking ships in the velvet ink
on the writer's hand. Or let the
chase end w-/ hands holding crystal ducks &
chunks of lung, held by the prism of
your stare.
To dance swirling down the drain
as another matter for the brain to tick
as a clock tocks out seven days to review
& recall all infected packets of nurofen.
Prescribing Anti-psychotics for a mild case
of the flu while the fever dreams strike
drowning in clay & blank doll faces.
As my daughter will drink only the finest wine
& my son will make all the other children cry
w-/ the malice of his fingers.
In the first flash of a passionate love
affair , feather light, beating as two hearts
revolve round the moon lit stage.

Soory silly Valentine
but, yes I have to go
I'll pack my things
and leave tonight
head for the open road
I don't know wher i'm going
or how I'll get there yet
The calender is marked
Tank is full
and my raincoat's soaking wet
Sorry, silly Valentine
and I apologize
but I need something more than this
I need bluer skies
Well I'm going someplace wonderful
and I will bring you there someday
For right you are too little
So, I must be on my way
Sorry, silly VValentine
I'll bring you something back
all things special, just like you
safe here in my sack
With the keys in the ignition
and the heater up on high
Here is the part I dread the most--
time to say..good bye.

{Then}
I welcome you all to the dance
A place where souls are held in trance
Destiny is our truest fate
Taking your soul will feel great
I was born unto this life
To distribute pain and strife
There is nothing you can do
I shall have this dance with you
As we dance across the floor
I shall show you what destiny is for
You can try with all your might
I will have this dance tonight
As we dance you should know
I will crawl up in your soul
So take my hand and join the dance
I hold your soul in my trance
No need to try and run away
With your soul I shall play
By the time I am through
Nothing that you can do
For I shall leave you like a shell
As I take your soul with my spell
There is nothing like a dark romance
So will you please join the dance?
{Now}
Beauty can be rated by so many things
Like the noise birds make as they sing
Beauty is a flower growing from a seed
It also is a baby tender with its needs
If a person takes the time to look around
There is so much beauty on this earth to be found
Beauty can be a mountain all covered up with snow
Or it can be firelight with its entrancing glow
One thing in my life I have come to know
No beauty is as beautiful as the beauty of the soul
I posted this this way to show how
much poetry has changed me. I
guess now you understand why
I wanted to bury them old poems.
Sometimes like right now I just
can't help but cry for my pain is
very deep.

Day after day
Thought after deed.
It’s been so long that I’ve tried to please you,
But now I’m leaving.
Heartache and held in tears.
Wanted laughter denied for years.
For so long I’ve wanted to give you love,
But now I’m leaving.
Day after day
Heartache and pain
Much sought for laughter
A smile on your face
A hug
A kiss
A sincerely wished goodnight.
Your yearning to see my bright blue green eyes…
My mother, I’ve tried. Oh how I have tried.
For so long I’ve worked to seem a hero in your eyes.
But I’m not, and I won’t be because that’s not how you see me.
There’s nothing I can do to change how you view me.
My mother, I love you, but I can’t take this pain. I have to leave you now so that maybe
one day
You’ll knock on my door or call me at work. You’ll tell me you understand now what you
need to about my hurt.
I hope that day comes sooner than later, but it isn’t here yet and so I must wait.
Mom, please remember that I really do love you. I’ll see you again, but for now, I am
leaving.

If you read this, leave a comment.
for Bree is mad at me and I'm trying to show
that i do love so very much of her.
this i hopefully, the love of her life. Alec.
thank you
please, Bree
forgive me
can't you see..?
that i love thee?
For i made a wrong choice,
of using my own voice,
and saying things i should not have said.
for i was drunk
worse than an a punk, you called me.
I know your hurt,
over what i announced,
but let me assure you,
i do dread,
the things i said,
when my head was in a tizzy,
with the stuff that makes me dizzy
you're my busy, busy bee,
taking every part of me
you're my glee
forgive me,
please.
- love tenderly Alec

My Crucifixion
One of a few regrets, I face my mortality
Time spent in dissension, self imposed exile
I face my God, drop in prayer asking for reprieve
My penance; life, my sentence; life
In what else can I believe
Judge, jury, and executioner
Pontius Pilate at my crucifixion
I see things that most do not want to see
Blood on my hands
My own blood from my own crucifixion
Feeling things that most do not want to feel
I’m facing demons, living nightmares
As I am forced to look inside at the real me
Who I was, who I am, different yet the same
Fighting through the battles, torn and scarred
The only way to get over the shame
We all make mistakes, admitting it or not
I too was only created in an image
Falling short, falling hard, bottomless abyss
Truly sorry for the paths that I may have strayed
For the monsters I’ve created
Still I have become my judge, my jury, and my own
executioner
Pontius Pilate at my crucifixion
Seeing things that I don’t want to see
Judge, jury, and executioner
Pontius Pilate at my crucifixion
Feeling things that I don’t want to feel
Blood on my hands
My own blood from my own crucifixion
Believing things that I don’t want to believe,
And all in the name of repentance...
Bless me father for I have sinned,
With my first breath of life I became tied to you
With a never-ending need for forgiveness
Always sorry for the very way of the world
As if through death I could enact a change...

When you think your alone I’m actually there. . taking away your freedom and your not even aware.
Its better this way with you not knowing, as if our true face was to show, well that would be the end of the plan as we know.
So do us a favour and keep working your 9-5 watching our T.V thinking you’re alive.
The truth of it all is we run this show and even if we told you no better people would know!
As most aren’t wise they do as there told, makes them feel secure. . Its psychology of old, an as we both know sheep do not lead . . but follow!

I forget that I’m in trapped in a house of cards
until the wind comes blasting through
And I’m left again with nothing
Nothing but grief and this pile of all that I knew
I had to forget how much I cared for you
Something no one should ever have to do
Can you remember? Do you remember?
Those darkly happy days when you felt that way too?
Love so many bitter times unrequited
Two hearts broken----too broken to break anymore
You’ve become my dark horse in this race against time
And I hope to God we’re not about to lose
Futile
Infantile
And all around absurd
Is what this nightmare without you has been
We shouldn’t have to work so hard
To fall flat down on our faces
again and again
I wish you’d come out of your shell
and back to life in the warmth of my arms once again

I Hate You! Yo did it again. I don't know why i keep going back to you. You have hurt me so
much. You say you love me then you stab me in the heart. You say your sorry and then
cheat on me. I don't know why but you think it's a joke when you say you love someone you
need to mean it. I hate you so much! yor are a a&& of a person. You need to become a
better person. You have hurt so many peole. Love is something you don't take lightly. I hate
you because all of the pain you have put me through, and it will never change

Living Today
By BJ Welsh
Waiting for the answer to come
Makes one’s life even more hum drum
Sitting and staring without any news
Is an impossible feat if that’s what you choose
How much longer can one be idle?
Losing one’s outlook as well their title
It’s easy to say just keep busy
The thought of moving makes one dizzy
It’s time to get over it, the pain of error
A life one used to treasure
But did you really believe that theory
Or did you grow tired and a bit weary?
Yourself or others, for whom did you live?
Did you really have all to give?
Suddenly, you put an end to it all
Now you have to accept the fall
Moving on is not so easy
The thought would make anyone queasy
Looking for acceptance in a loving place?
First try your young child’s face

I don't know how long it has been since i heard your voice,
I don't know why i left without a word, but it was not my choice.
You wished me away, so i left without a word,
you told me to lose you, that's all i ever heard.
Tears ran down my face with every thought of you,
not being able to see your smile, it would punch me though.
My chest has a whole, that you put there,
it hurts some times, but its not like i care.
I been hurt to many times before to feel anything at the moment,
I thought we had some thing special, but at the end you broke it.
So now again i am all alone and I have no shoulder,
my life is empty now i am beginning to feel allot colder.
You showed me what people can be like, some thing like you,
people that hurt others and than walk away like they had nothing to do.
But they don't know that they just ripped some ones heart out,
and your left alone, once again, bleeding on the ground.

What If Joseph Kissed Potiphar’s Wife?
What would happen if Joseph kissed Potiphar’s wife?
Just think about the impact this would be on his life!
If he’d entered into her temptation and charm…
This would’ve cause much damage and harm!
Many of God’s blessings, I’m sure he would missed ‘em!
If he’s let Potiphar’s wife reach out and kiss him!
Thank God that he didn’t succumb to her beauty.
He held fast and remembered his God given duty!
A life serving God was something that he chose!
Even if it meant her tearing off a part of his clothes!
Godly living was something he decided to choose!
Even if it meant him being falsely accused!
God used him while he spent time in prison!
He trusted God, and knew that he was with him!
I’m sure there were things that he didn’t understand.
But soon, God made him the #2 ruler in the land!
May this be a stern warning to me and to all!
Think about what temptation may cause you to fall!
Scripture says “resist the devil and he will flee from you!”
Run to God! And allow his presence
to surround you!
This society often encourages to “indulge” in sexual sin!
This is where so much heartache and misery begins!
Run to the Lord! Seek his spirit to lead and guide you!
A way to escape temptation, he’ll provide for you!
Like Joseph, run from temptation as fast as you can run!
And lay everything at the feet of God’s precious son!
His love will sustain you! Regardless of what you’re “missing.”
So you too can receive HIS love
and Godly blessings!
By Jim Pemberton

Forgive my rudeness
When I get in your way.
I do not mean to glow so brightly
When you put your darkness on display.
I swear it is not out of spite
That I outshine your ego's fire
When it is burning to intimidate -
To scortch my self esteem to ash.
Excuse my posture
When it will not sway your way
The roots are to blame
For this downright defiance
That I stand with uprightness
Though youre wacking away
With sharpened blades of anger.
Do pardon the heights
That my spirit soars
But consider yourself warned today:
They do not stop for any man
So spare yourself and
Get out of my way!

I Was Told I Wasn’t Any Good
I heard the devil whisper into my ear…
“You’re no good!” “Come over here!”
In front of me, where discouragements of various kinds...
At first, it was almost overwhelming for my mind!
He promised something “better,” than what I already had!
He said that if I did what he wanted… I’d be happy and glad!
I asked how Jesus to help the way I’m livin.’
The life I’ve lived… And HIS power of forgivin.’!
Would I trade all of this, for a life of stress and sin?
Perhaps having a form of happiness,
but no freedom within?
Was I going to trade what God gave,
for a ”pleasure of the moment?”
Was I about to make a mockery of Christ’ atonement?
I ran, and bowed my head and cried…
For a brief moment, I felt rejected and despised!
I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence all around me!
And then, it was like the love of Jesus had filled me!
This time, I knew that what I had, was all I needed!
With Christ in my life, I no longer have to be defeated!
Satan is a liar! He has one purpose and goal!
He wants nothing more, than to destroy my soul!
Take notice Satan! This is what I proclaim!
Everything I ever need! I have in Jesus’ name!
The blessings from Jesus, has supplied my every need!
It’s an everlasting and abundant life, that I received!
Thank you Jesus! For giving what I need and more!
You are truly wonderful!
And are worth living for!
By Jim Pemberton

Do You Blame Or Trust God?
Do you blame God for the trials you may face?
Do you reject God’s mercy and grace?
Perhaps you are in a most “difficult situation.”
You can’t figure out a “reasonable explanation?”
You may feel abandoned, alone and afraid.
There may have been times when you prayed.
You don’t know why this happening to you?
You probably try your best in all that you do!
But, it still things really haven’t worked out.
And you often wonder what life is all about?
Rather than blaming God… Why not trust him?
He’s not your enemy! He wants you to know him!
He’s not the blame for the sorrows of mankind!
He’s always faithful, most loving and kind!
He patiently waits for anyone to call on his name!
With him in control…
Things won’t be the same!
He is here! Even if everyone else fails you!
If you give him a chance! He wants to help you!
Won’t you take the time, and invite him in?
This is where a new opportunity can begin!
His life for yours, is what he gives in exchange!
He can help your situation to really change!
He can change your life! And turn it around!
And can put your life on a solid ground!
By Jim Pemberton

She’s the better one
Beautiful and what you deserve
Comparison is not an option
A rock to a diamond
I make little to none shine
And she can make mountains
Upon a hill of grind
Full with hate of what I've become to day
Disgusted with the monster
That’s been created an atomic bomb
And I feel all the shame
Wishing to change everyday
I am a nothing compared to that
Perfect is what she is
Cute is what you two are
Monstrous is what I am
Killing is what you’re doing
Burning away every dream is what’s happening
She is better one
Wishing it was me
She is the better one

I'm stuck in my room, don't know what to do
I've got a pen in my hand but words won't flow through
Thoughts going everywhere
I don't know what I'm doing now
Tell me to stay, tell me to go
Just do something, anything to let me know I'll be okay
And that I'll make it through just one more day
They say it's just a phase, but what if it ain't?
What am I gonna do if this lasts my whole life through?
What will I say to the people who care...
Will I just let them down like I always do
Will I stand up and fight?
Or will I do what's right, according to you?
Say I'm a mistake, say I can't do anything right
Say you wish I weren't here
So I can pack up my bags and leave
Without feeling sorry for hurting you
Without feeling sorry for going my own way

I want to Hug you & Never let go
I want you to Hold me tight in your arms
Squeeze until our Hearts no longer Beat.
"Thy Shall Not Live Nor Thy Shall Not Die Without You By My Side"
You seem like you Care for me like No other
You seem like im Interesting
You seem like you See me as Beautiful
Sometimes theres No Words that describe how I Feel About You.
All i know is the I Dont Want To Lose You.
-Brittany- (comment and rate if you dont mind. i like to hear what you think..thank you for reading :) )

In life there is always one mistake
and I made one of those mistakes
Of course it'd be me to make that mistake
and well here we are apart out of love
out of each others hearts and I guess I won't
Get that chance back but if there is one thing I kknow
It's that I'll always be there for you
And I won't let anything happen to you
In my heart well i guess I don't have a heart left
It's been shattered so many times
But I won't let anything hurt you and if it does then i wouldn't have
been able to keep my promise But one I know I will keep is
I'l be there for you forever and always.

Magic is it possible I can feel this feeling when i'm next to you.
I feel free from problems from all the issues and then I come back and your no where
to be found.
No I yell this was my chance but it was only a dream and I can't stop
crying.
It felt so real, how did they know I grabbed on to my sheets real hard
because my dreams are just teasing me.
Another poem about that past love that you can never forget, it's like a knife being
stuck straight in my heart I can't feel the pain because the love was never there in the
first place.
It hurts so bad and sometimes it doesn't I can almost remember a time when I wasn't
this stuck to him.
It was a time for carelessness and a time for laughs I didn't have this memory yet
and i'm starting to think i'm going mad.
Sometimes I feel like deleting this one thing that keeps me focused on you like a kid
on candy.
I feel like I could never move on... it's funny how hearing you name could make me
feel all over again.
The worst part about this is that it never got finished and I wanted to hear the rest
of the song.
Lonely, A funny word sometimes it's laughable sometimes it's a crying
tantrum spilled moment.
A cloud has been hanging over my head for nearly forever dark and thundering
shooting rain down my noes making me lose breath and lose focus.
Calling, shouting, beating, bleeding then the cloud finally lifts and I can't help
missing it.
It tortured me and made me feel weak and now that's it's gone I can't
help screaming for the rain.
Come back to me I say honestly I was fine getting
soaked but it's gone and all I can see is blue skies and that lonely remembrance
that I am alone.

Touch me not kiss me not
I have had pain a lot
Please now leave me alone
Don’t call me over phone
Don’t talk to me like that
No I don’t want to chat
Yes I will compromise
If you act like the wise
You should feel how I feel
I’m not just sleeping pill
I’m also a human
Treat me well yes you can
Think what if you were me
Come when you are sorry

Wouldn't it be the perfect crime?
If I stole your heart, and you stole mine?
But instead you stole my heart and I never had yours to begin with,
Somehow it took me until now to realize this,
You got to know me and I got to know you,
But you only got to know me and did what you had to do,
You never said anything about you; I did all the talking,
You basically read about me and at the end you started walking,
To start sharing everything like we had the least,
But you still didn’t care you just took the last piece,
I love you and you love me to,
But all you can do is make a man blue,
I hold your hand and you hold mine,
Our love like a betrayal of two harmonious rhymes,
I kept the love and you kept the hate,
But you couldn’t love you can probably only date.
Forever I thought but you’re a soul stealer,
You don’t feel love you’re a hate feeler,
You’re doing all of the most conniving crimes,
You shouldn’t kill love because now you got to do all the time.
----------
Comment and/or Rate please ;p

During all my troubled times of life,
I thought no one was there or cared,
But I always seemed to see that,
One person in my life was,
Always there for me,
And I took it for granted,
But I now see that I have had,
You all along,
And you were always there for me to see.
I'm sorry my life has taken wrong turns,
And I promise to try and do better,
For I know I can be the only one,
To change who I am,
Making who I am and my life,
Better as time goes on,
I'm sorry it came to this point,
To make me realize I need to change,
And make my life right.
Please bare with me,
During my troubled times of change,
Because it will not be easy,
To make it all succeed,
But I will try my best,
And never give up,
For I have a lot to offer,
And a lot to change for.

Will my life last, much longer?
What am I doing? I began to wonder…
Many things keeps dragging
me further down…
What’ll I do? There’s no one around???
Many “things” have
a hold on me…
I cry every night… I want to be FREE!
I’ve tried and tried… But to no avail…
Just when I think I have victory… I fail!
I’ve read in scripture of a power
I haven’t seen.
I read of a lord who
can do ANYTHING!
I’m going to give him a try!
I’ve nothing to lose!
I’ve been so hurt, worn out and abused!.…
To you, dear Jesus…
I confess my every sin.
I can feel your love
from deep within!
Thank you Jesus! For giving
me a joy I never knew…
I don’t know where I’d be if not for YOU!
You’ve brought to my life
a peace I never had.
For all you’ve done for me. I’m so glad!
Won’t YOU give your burdens
to the one, I call friend?
And experience the joy of being born again?
Please come to him now!
Why not this hour?
And experience his life-changing power!
By Jim Pemberton

Past a nourishing conscience
We find that we’re alone
Through the pain and heartache
There’s all but none
Thought transgresses the soul
Nourishment loses its hold
Lost in the gaping hole
Of the unimaginable untold
All alone we wander
Through the spaces of hell
Where our mind is leading us
No one can really tell
Where will my heart lead me?
Get rid of that burning conscience
Dig deeply
To find its convalescence
I will never understand the pain you’re going through
But in the gaping holes that we do dwell
You will find me darkened too
I lift my soul from my mind
And bury it in my life
Steer clear of me if you can be so kind
To make the voids more whole
Find me
Find me and
Forgive me
And make it go away

This is the moment we must realize
That for us this is now the last time
Whatever we do now like we used to
It’s nothing short of a real crime
This was something that I never wanted
It’s something that I had never intended
I’d always pictured us with a good ending
But yet here we are, look how we ended
Though I really love you so much
And I’m wanting my life with you still
We taking two separate paths now
You will love him now, I know you will
We’re together this one last time
As two people who express all love and gratitude
Love so perfect and strong, after this moment
We can talk about you and him without attitude
This is the last time we get to think
That me and you are supposed to be together
That we’ll make a perfect family
And it’ll just be us two happy, forever
It’s the last time I’ll look oh so deep
Deep into those beautiful and hypnotizing eyes
To actually tell you how much I love you
And that it’s only with you that my heart lies
After this we can only remain intimate
In our memories, thoughts, or in our dreams
That’s a new mission for us to accomplish
Which may be easier for you than it seems
The last time is now, that we touch
As two people who are more than just friends
Now we have to take that good, pure, and true love
Mix it with the innocence, and see how it blends
No longer can I even let you see
That my love for you is just so strong
My emotions and love for you can’t be shown
Otherwise on my part, it’d be all wrong
This is the last time that I ask
For you to really consider taking me back
Before these next years go by and it’s
Only our true happiness we both lack
For the last time, thanks for everything
And all the lessons you helped me learn
You have the most amount of love and trust
From me that anyone could ever earn
For the last time you should know
I love you with all my heart, body, and soul
And that only you can complete me
You’re the other piece that makes me whole
Through all of life and eternity will you be
The Queen of my heart, and know that I’m
Never going to love again after this moment
You are it, baby this is the last time

Oh little Israel look around
Egypt has taken over your towns
Oh little Israel don’t you see
All that is left is rubble and debris
Tornados have swept through fields of old
As your people continued to worship gods of silver and gold
Hurricanes destroyed their precious land
As their cries looked up and then shouted quick demands
Oh little Israel they have forgotten the one
Who made the stars moon and sun
Oh little Israel look who they have allowed to rule
Puppets on strings are there new favorite tool
When foundations are cracked it affects the entire city
If repentance does not come soon it will be such a pity
For a rebellious generation is already on the rise
Quick fixes and false ambitions, each ready to compromise
Oh little Israel you have a voice
Tell all of Egypt they still have a choice
When they Surrender and begin to remove
All in which I don’t approve
Healing waters will run once again
Egypt must make God their savior not just their friend.
By: Sabina Nicole
written: 5/9/12

The Doctor delivered the news
like a Court Judge
in a final death sentence verdict
"You are HIV positive!"
A the clinic corridor
the Nurses had gathered
Like Eagles converging on carcasses
they fed fat on my 'pitiable' frame
muterring and whispering in low voices
"that's the lady"
"the new member of the club"
At home, in the living room
the family gathered in dead silence
mother wept, as if mourning my death
"all my efforts down the drain", she wailed and wailed
father gazed at me
like a psychiatric home returnee
"what a terrible end!", he lamented
At work, in the open office
my table enjoyed expanse of space
"Hi!", they would wave at me from afar
To call my name was like catching the virus
they would rather die than shake my hands
In our street
people peep behind the windows blinds
"don't you ever go near!"
parents warned their children and wards
many fingers pointed at me wherever i turn
"see the results of promiscuity"
they'd say to themselves
in the local shop
i need not to queue
"just come over here awhile, my dear"
the shopowner would cajole
giving me special treatment, i never got before
everywhere i turn and go
i have a name tag
and see huge price tag
of being an unfortunate victim of HIV/AIDS

Im crying and crying but Daddy wont get up for me, he lays there lazy humbled asleep.
Wont anyone think of me? Mummy says, he might just be hungry, Hows A bottle going to
fix me? All i need is love and sympathy. Mummy and Daddy always fight about money but
to me it doesn't mean anything. They always fight, saying they cant afford thing's. Maybe
things would have been cheaper if they didn't have me. Mummy screams "I should have
had an abortion before I thought things were going to be easy. Whats an abortion? I ask
my little head while I lay in my little bed. I cry, Daddy gives me A bottle thinking thats
what I need to fix my bruised heart thats being ripped apart? I just want Mummy and
Daddy to be happy, and not to worry about one thing. If I had a voice, I would tell them I
loved them when there hearts felt hurt and burnt. If I had the strength to walk I'd do the
dishes, cleaning and washing so they wouldn't have to fight about doing any of these
things, which they call miseries. Daddy gets annoyed carrying me when I'm crying, but
I'm not strong enough to stand on my own two little feet. Mummy always talks on the
phone, but always ignores me when I'm alone. Lying in these dirty clothes, it's like there's
no one home.
All I do is sleep and eat why cant someone spend more time with me? When I cry in the
middle of the night, it's not because I'm hungry or need a changing, It's because I'm in
pain and agony but Mummy and Daddy just lay there sound asleep. I don't have a car or
fancy things, Is love to much to ask of me? If life is as bad and mad as they make it to be,
then why do grown ups want to live A life of being unhappy? I don't want to argue about
money, or worry about caring about the babies, if that's going to be hard for me. If
Mummy and Daddy always fight about money, when will they ever be truly happy? If
pretty clothes A worth more then A pretty rose, And I'm going turn into A grown up and
this is how my life is going to be. Then I don't want to live in insanity, there's No Point In
Being Happy for it will only be A dream to me, never becoming reality. Mummy and Daddy
don't care about me they just want all the luxuries. When I cry in pain all they do is
complain about who's going to get up and feed me. I close my little eyes and sleep. They
don't open again. For Mummy and Daddy will now be happy. I go to heaven were
everyone will love me for I am just A Baby.
- Wiko Te Maru

Some things, we dont talk about,
Some things we do.
Some things i dont tell you,
Some things you dont tell me.
Ive never almost lost you.
But you always almost loose me.
I cant help what i do.
I like to do it.
I feel dead inside without it.
But you ALWAYS save my life..
Even when im on the verge of death,
YOU save me,
And i cant thank you enough.
And one day,
When i take my final breathe.
I know you will be right by my side.

out of the car, and up the walk,
i go to the door and unlock the
lock
loud voices through the door
empties my heart a little more
they yell about money, they
yell about love
they yell about who goes down
below or up above
she calls him crazy, he says
"just maby"
he tells her he wants to go
she starts to cry and say she
didnt know
then she starts to beg for
forgivness
she wants to start over
but nobody really wants to
relive this
i pull out the key and realize
now,
how things have to be
this is when my house isnt a
home to me

I’m Not What You Expected
I’m not the kind of person you’d expect to be.
I have a lot of faults and sin deep inside of me.
I’m not the kind of “Christian”
that you had expected.
In many of the churches…
I’d probably be rejected.
I’m not someone you’d invite over for dinner.
I’m pretty much a “loser.”
Never a “winner…”
I’m not the kind of person that you would call a “friend.”
I have so many troubles. I don’t know where to begin.
I may not be any of these things.
And so much more.
Not the kind of person you’d
allow through your door.
I was told there is someone
who is there for me…
Someone who gives his love
and mercy abundantly.
I was told that if I come to him,
and give him my heart.
He’ll change my life completely.
And give a NEW start!
I was told that no matter my faults
in this life I live.
The son of God has the power to FORGIVE!
I may not be the kind of person you’d expect to see.
Desiring to be in a place called heaven. For eternity!
Jesus is the one that I really need right now!
I confess my every sin to him.
And humbly bow…
I come to you my lord. And worship your name.
I’m so glad you're here right now...
I’m so glad you came!
By Jim Pemberton 10/31/11

God Forgives Us Of Our Wrongs!
God forgives us of our wrongs!
And he wants us all, to try and get along!
He gave us his word and instructions…
But, too often, we don’t seem to “function!”
Something done, or something said…
And it’s like some people, wish you were “dead.”
Even in Christ’ body, there’s dysfunction from the start.
Ending up in another wounded and bleeding heart!
What if Christ treated us, like how we treat each other?
What if he turned his back, like we do our brother?
No matter the good... A list of wrongs is often kept.
What’s been done… Someone can’t seem to forget???
Do you find yourself, a person
who’s easily offended?
By someone you don’t like,
or one you’ve befriended?
May I suggest a “heavy dose” of 1 Cor. Thirteen?
The love of God can take care of ANYTHING!
If it didn’t, then Christ’ death is meaningless and lost.
He bore all of our sins that day on the cross!
If we can’t forgive your brother over something he’s done…
We need to ask forgiveness of Christ… God’s son!
There’s no excuses, in God’s
kingdom that’s eternal!
Will your name be written
in heaven’s journal???
By Jim Pemberton

Still, and again
“Ogongo” crept into my mouth
As I behold the two nocturnal creatures
We have waited endlessly
No longer in my Aunt’s place,
But we became unsolicited watchmen
At the streets gate entrance
It was an ungodly hour
Darkness had key to everywhere
Still, and again
I winked at my cousin
He nodded, and murmured
“They are on their way”
But when midnight started knocking
Out of the furfuled dusk
Appeared the two nocturnal “Ogongos”
One bringing back the memory of the famous Yokosuna
Of the Heavy weight with an heavy duty
To her chest,
Were a very big size-less eve’s apples?
Her mean look compliments her dark complexion
Her burnt lips. . . Reddish eyeballs speak of her as a chimney
My cousin I pity from within my heart
Her hyena-like laughter
Turned me back to the second “Ogongo”
Of a lesser weight to the former
Her Eve’s apples were almost not there
“Bad catch, worst choice”
I echoed to myself until I saw
Her roundly shaped protruding buttock
Speaking louder than a loud-speaker
It overshadows her duck-like ugly mouth
It was an undeniable asset
Indeed, the “Ogongos” are both endowed
With a Unique Selling Point (UPS)
With these, I had taught they can never
Run out of good prices in the market.
Lo and behold,
At the crucial product delivery point
I rushed out of my room
Only to see my cousin outside too
Looking worried and dejected
The “Ogongos” are over-used products
The expiry date lapsed long ago
The USP was a flash in the pan
We both slept in the parlour
Leaving the “Ogongos” in their different rooms
It was a bad deal in a bad day.
Alayande Stephen T
09.55am
20th June, 2007
NB-Ogongo is a coinage for Prostitutes.
In Iba, with Ayo and Yemi, expecting
An Izobo daughter and Tobi’s call.

if what we do
if what we did
if our emotions
had colors
that we could see
what color would we be
dark red with passion
bright red with love
black with anger
or a mixture of colors.
what color is your heart
is it perfect
for your body
or is it imperfect
for your soul.
if emotion
was colored
who would
you be?

My heart beats fast
I hope it wont last
My mind starts to clear
i start to think about you my dear
even though, you are my past.
From when i start to see your face
Im in a constant struggle
to forget you
People say to let go and set you free
but to me, to let you go is to loose
a piece of me
from where did you come?
But when did you leave?
Voices loud, but soon fade
flat, flat on my back
cold, hot, cold...
a steady beep, beep, beep
in my mind nothing, empty,all alone
light so bright blinding me
gone,
footsteps tap,tap,tap
a gental tisk, tisk of disappointment
then nothing, nothing at all
"Honey, you have to open your eyes"
A voice so familier but not,
"I need to hear your voice my dear"
I know you are my past
"Why did you have to go, why leave me"
A hand holds mine, so gentle
I know this hand
then a voice, a voice i know so well
A voice i will follow to the end of the world...
NO...
My past, only my past.
Why is my mind so cruel to me?
But the voice of my past speaks to me
"Im so sorry..i didnt know what to do...
i never wanted to leave you...I love you!"
I open my eyes
The face of my dear, not past but present
The face of hope
No not a dream, real.
The final words i whisper
" I know my love, I love you too...dont forget that"
Then darkness consumes me
and i know i die, but as i die i know
im always loved and will always love you too.

Countless tales told across the sobriety wall
names and dates,memories and remembrances
marked in the here and now upon the white brick wall.
Most sobering to look upon
more so when comprehension is awakened
by the meaning within the words.
To understand the everyday evils
those upon the wall have faced when dealing with drink.
Death to some a most blessed relief
to others,the torments lived everyday can mean
that rock bottom comes more and more frequently
...with each passing day.
To block out ones most painful memories
...the hoped for end.
To dull the pain felt,whether
...real or imaginary.
To appease the demons harbored within
so to quiet their restless destructive nature.
This and so much more is sought after by those
whose lives have been in constant battle with the bottle.
Words of encouragement/sadness to remember
...pain, joy, regret!
all expressed upon the wall.
The spaces fill rapidly at times, slowly other times
colors upon the wall help to tell the stories
some colors most vibrant, some most somber
dull and lifeless like the lives expressed by the
...very ones who painted them.
One thought, the line most poignant
...and noticed above all others!
"Never give up hope".
Are words to remember and to live by.l

You weren't my friend...
When I needed one the most.
You were filled with anger.
Not the Holy Ghost
You believed what others said
about me to be true...
And now... There's a wide "gap"
between us two...
Rather than asking for forgiveness
because of what you believed..
Many rumors and gossip is what
you received.
Are you going to love me as a
Christian brother should?
Or is your heart going to remain
"as hard as wood?"
Be careful what you listen to.
As others often complain...
And especially when they
bring up my name.
Walk in the peace and love.
And a Godly affection...
So your life isn't filled with
"wordly attention."
God will give you the victory that
you need to overcome...
By the blood of the cross
and the power of his son!
May the work of the cross
be a "wake up call..."
Being an example of God's grace...
To one and all!
By Jim Pemberton
2009

Running to hide
Hiding to run
My life is a circle
When will this rotation be undone
Everything I do
Its the same song and dance
A sheep in wolf's clothing
Yes a wolf at first glance
I can't help I am addicted to thrills
No words to describe how it feels
Honing my skills
Turning my heart to steel
Making my case to fight the devil
Stone versus stone
Fallen Angel versus Fallen soul
The thrill to shake the bone
Love made me
Then love destroyed me
Stuck with nothing to lose
And nothing to gain
Vengeance is what I choose
Standing alone
Forgetting everything I've ever known
I can break this rotation
But it has to be now or never
All because I loved her
And she left me for dead
Destroying my heart
And messed up my head
Circular life
I am back to the night
I am back to fight

My sister is one of a kind and I know shes always by my side I know we fight.
and sometime dont get along my sister and I are like a song.
The bond between us will never break she's my best friend
.
and it will never change I love my sister

“Someday”
Why is “someday” such a sad word?
When one like “never” is so much worse?
Why....why “someday”?
“Someday!”
Why is “someday” such a sad, sad word?
Perhaps the saddest one I’ve ever heard...
Why “someday”?
Everybody
has somebody
Except me, it seems
but that's not why I want to leave
So out of it
feel “out of it”
Never was in
can't find the way
"Life’s one big bluff
Keep a straight face
Don’t let ‘em see your cards."
Yeah, life’s one big God-forsaken bluff
and I’m about to jump off
Someday, I thought you’d find me
Someday, I thought you’d love me
But someday ....
...someday......
someday NEVER CAME
“Someday,” they say, “You’ll find somebody.”
“Someday, you will be happy.”
“Someday, life will mean something.”
But someday I'll be SICK of waiting
Someday, you’ll see why it can’t be
Someday we’ll ALL be sorry
One day
sweet day
I’ll find my way
out of this body.
http://vimeo.com/26557410

Mocking the rest of utopians,possesed of diathermy
the skinny moneyed man is vaccinated with noisy triumph.
He is going to massacre thousand souls again.
Fear came upon us with a smile of understanding
and drones decided to stay in concealment for months.
Nothing hurts like the truth gnawed by mice
as the despicable events stirred me to pity.
I cut my hair very closely but there was such a jam,
that i couldn't get in.
He tried to obscure the issue but his reason was clouded by hatred.
He squandered his money on idle pleasures,
"iam sorry if i have offended you",
made the punishement fit the crime
"here's a toast to our success",
using the sponge of sodomy.
The air seemed vibrant with the sweltering heat,
as the sphinxs of misery made my egoism full of vigilance
Skinny now holding a bag for me,trying to redeem
my sins.

Can’t do right,
I try so hard with might,
The smallest things I mess up or fail.
Why can’t I seem to overcome, learn, succeed and do ?
Is there weakness, a fault , not enabling me through ?
I’m expected to be good and just.
Others so this desire,
Help Friar !

upstairs in my room
i put my ear to the floor
only to hear my parents screaming
the argument is about me
my mom yells "look at what your son has become!"
Heartless, unintelligent, fake...
my father replies back
"hes your son, hes your own pile of dirt!"
whenever my family is out together
we act happy like these fights never happen
but every night they do and i cant tell anyone
i have to act like someone else in order not to get introuble
What have i become?...hurt..dishonest..will this feeling dissapear?
I will drag you down and i will make you hurt..
I lift my head from the floor
still hearing the angry voices of my parents
i found an old needle, and i dug it into my skin
the next morning i go downstairs
with a cut off shirt on, and baseball shorts
My father grabs my arm
"what is this boy?"
i yank my hand away from him and i sit down on a chair
"its nothing sir"
my father repeats "are you cutting yourself?, why?"
i grab my bookbag and i disapear out the door
My father runs outside pulling me to the ground
"are you cutting yourself boy?!" he screams
i say "no sir i just scrapped my arm on my dresser"
My father grabs my face
"you better not cut yourself again" he replies
He hits my face, as i lay on the ground.
I didnt wake up until i felt something wet drip on my face
it was raining and dark outside
i run into the house and into the bathroom
looking into the mirror i see the bruise that was left on my face
My father wasnt home and my mother went to bed
"everything goes away in the end right, if i let him have it all, my moms pile of dirt?"
I sit upon my liars chair full of broken memories i cannot repair
I become someone else, but the old me is still right there
if i could start again a million miles away i would keep myself
i will find my way

Time is running out,only to find out,you have to kiss ass to survive in America. Wish I had a
better life, instead I'm stuck kissing Welfare ass in order to survive, Free is what the rich
believe, When the ones who struggle trying to find a way to eat, The rich whites has no
worries, They can survive, pay bills, live the nice life, Keep their families fed, When I look
through the eyes of the homeless men, women and children, I ask how can anyone turn
them away, What if it was you and your babies out there? You don't begin to understand,
because you and your babies aren't here! The poor can't find no job, because of skin color
or for what their beliefs are, When you in your up to date car,you will never see past your
riches for just a moment to see what your doing to my loved ones and me. Material things
don't make you, It's what you do for those less fortunate than you. Come and live our life
for a week, I bet you would get so weak you wouldn't even begin to know how to speak I
live on not that much, just enough to to pay some of the rent, I have a baby and don't know
where I'm going to be the next day, America is a big slave country, they want to ship all jobs
over seas so they can make they Chinese slaves by paying them less, for us the ones who
needs a job badly do without, so they have a good reason for us to rob, murder, sell dope,
so they can through us in jail and make us work for the government for FREE, Well isn't it
just one big mess? You live everyday trying to make a way, One thing though the rich is not
immune to that kind of living, we the poor are . We know how to hustle and pan handle hard,
Where the rich don't know anything by far! Stay strong, and don't get weak ever, that's what
they want. Stay positive alright.

I ‘m standing on the edge about a mile off the ground
Unable to stop myself from looking down
Even with the fear of falling rushing threw me
I am not ready for steady ground
Just cause you say you sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m going to turn around
And say its okay
Cause you will just do it again another day
I see my life flashing before me making me remember all my yesterdays
Along with the pain you caused
Leaving me scared for days
I must be going crazy cause
I never thought I would let you back into my life again
Thinking that since you’re sorry
I’m just going to let you hang around
But I know you’re always going to cut me down
Saying things behind my back
Believing lies like you knew me then
And for some reason you keep thinking you know me now
I’m stepping closer to the edge
Falling like the crashing wind
Listening to the hatefulness you speak
I’m starting to feel the fire inside me burning
Creating a storm that is raining heat
Just cause you say you sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m going to turn around
And say its okay
Cause you will just do it again another day
Oh--- Yeah ----yeah
The fire is raining down and the walls are crumbling down
I know you like tearing me apart
I feel my heart racing breaking once you start to speak
It’s like I can read your mind because I already know what you think of me
Just because you say you’re sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m going to turn around
And say…..

The monster became a living, walking nightmare
my dive into insanity, no longer perfect, containing a blank stare
I should resist, the monster will find me, run away with me
Pretend to hear my meager complaints, force me to see what I'm afraid to see
Blame and guilt, volleying right and left, up and down
It's crashing me closer, with every step, I'm falling to the ground
It's all a game, just play along, play the game, play it well
Brimming confidence, dissolved in thoughts, of what? I won’t tell
Demons, devil born souls, run quick, run fast, stand my ground
No sense of fear, n sense of foreboding, not even a slight sound
High speed, pursuit of hell, bent on going, bent on crashing
Giving into the power, life's faster, lights flashing
Crash and torment me again, my eyes close after all
The beginning of the end for me, feeling numb after the fall
Is there a way out? I'm different, distant and moved on
Listen to the water, calling, coaxing into death, I'm gone
Endless, empty cloud; dreamless oblivion; oxygen, exhalation
Am I dead? Still alive? Broken into pieces, I need motivation
Reality closes in, walls me in; until there’s nothing there
Death comes behind me, containing a blank stare.

when oceans rise beyond
the beaches, and
it seems like the
sky is leaking
water that fills
the sea
above its very limits
and when those
tears stop falling
from the sky
where they fell
the only place
that is the waters
edge is the mountain
that you land on.

There’s a girl, sitting at the back of the bar.
Waiting for a glimpse of the life that she’s always wanted.
She’s not looking for a fairy tale or gold.
Just a little work, and some love not from the usual mold.
He walks in with promises, ending in heartbreak and tears.
She drowns him out slowly, with new dreams and a few beers.
The girl sitting at the back of the bar.
Waiting for a glimpse of the life she’s always wanted.
Two years have passed, not much has changed.
She still comes each week to sit at her corner table.
Some work, many dreams, and a few beers become her label.
The women all judge her inside their private mind.
Small town men buy her a drink, wink and smile, but aren’t her kind.
The girl sitting at the back of the bar.
Waiting for a glimpse of the life she has always wanted.
She has big dreams of life, love, and the woman that she wants to be.
I sit across the bar, wishing she’d look just once more to me.
I turned my back, messed up not long ago.
She told me that she loved me, but she had to go.
I failed to show her my love, I’d hurt her badly.
Breaking her heart blindly, while loving her madly.
That girl sitting at the back of the bar.
Waiting for a glimpse of the life that she has always wanted.
Pulling the ring from my pocket, my jaw stubbornly clenching.
I push through the crowded room, and voice my intention.
Dear Beth, I will love you forever. I’m down on my knees!
Just give me one last chance, and marry me please.
That was two years ago yesterday.
And still my love grows more every day.
For the girl sitting at the back of the bar.
Waiting for a glimpse of the life she has always wanted.
As I nod and thank the bar tender, and add to his tips.
I pick up two drinks, turn to the back of the bar, a smile on my lips.
Cause there is my girl, sitting at the back of the bar.
Living the dreams of the life that she’s always wanted.
Summer Gratias

Mirror, tell me what you see
When you laugh at me,
Mirror, tell me you cry for me
When you laugh at me.
Darkness eclipses even the brightest dawns,
For these flames are dreams that once I had drawn,
Reasons fail to have me comprehend
What at this opportunistic hour do I intend.
This cancer of mine finds its cure in death,
Death merely of mind, and not of breath
For I hold the key to the realisation of dreams
But know not why so perished I still seem.
Tell me mirror, why do you have me be
Why all you do is laugh at me,
Mirror, tell me you cry for me
When you laugh at me.
Hours go by, still lost in you my hollowness,
Seeking a way out of all my profound adroitness,
For they will aid my efforts through,
But I keep lamenting what’s not even true.
Now I realise it’s you who directs the show,
But act only too ignorant, don’t you my alter ego
Tell me you pity my worthless brilliance,
When you sadistically enjoy your rule over my conscience,
Mirror, tell me you cry for me
When you laugh at me.

The words I have held so long in my heart
Have broken free at last
But now I want to take them back,
I want to turn back the time,
Because these words have hurt you so bad
I shouldn’t have shouted at you
I shouldn’t have said those words
I shouldn’t have been so tense
But even a stone can break under pressure
And maybe my heart broke too
I wanted you to understand
This hurt I am carrying in my heart
Because after all, we are family
But I guess you expected me to be strong
To take it cool when so many things have changed
My life isn’t picture perfect
My life isn’t a well-written script
That people would understand
I guess I shouldn’t have pushed it too far
And hoped you’d understand
When the rest of the world did not
I am sorry that I am not strong enough
To take this battle as a part of life
I am sorry that I can’t forget this pain
Hurting so bad in my heart
I am sorry for all these mistakes
I am sorry I am not your perfect girl

Today’s the day
When it all went down.
The pain and sorrow,
And the worlds big frown.
It shouldn’t have happened,
All those innocent people,
Who had to be there,
Now have God as their keeper.
It wasn’t their time to go.
I feel horrible for their families.
I just want to ask you,
To pray for them please.
The terrorists that did this
Will get what they deserve.
They’ll get Satan’s kiss!
They must be heartless
To even think of this!
There are people to thank
Like the firemen and cops,
And a lot of people gave blood.
Even if it was just drops.
When the towers got hit,
The world thought it was an accident.
No one would’ve guessed
That it was really terrorists.
So don’t forget this day.
Its part of our painful history.
It’ll be in the books.
But why it happened,
Will always be a mystery.

If all I had left to live is twenty-four hours
I will plant a green garden with flawless flowers
I will pick for my friends and fans some red roses
I will be ready for that home more glorious than the galaxies
I will never be sorry and sad but be grateful and glad
For a life well spent with my family… mom and dad
I will thank God for making me fervent and faithful to the end
Before I finally fly, I will bid farewell to my foes and friends
I will take account of the lovely and lively life I’ve lived
I will say a sincere sorry to all those I have grossly grieved
I will pray for the hopeless and helpless men and women
I will ask God to save them from the devil’s deadly den
If I had one day left to join the holy angels that hail hallelujah!
I will make my heart and hands ready to sing and hail hosanna!

She could hardly drag himself along,hovered between life and death,
so frozen that her hands are insensible to any feeling
and atrophied heart works only for the casual trade.
Plucked at hair with rage as these morning habits die hard,
spiting blood,residues of the night before.
You toiled in vain because you think you've met her several times
and your soul finally realized your ambitions.
But she is the methadone girl.
The cheap shoes worn out,trampled underfoot by the crowd,
wasted by the long illness,languished from indifference.
Dice with her life everyday,the perspective of sadness,
gain nothing or something in her mind,
watching you to keep your reputation free from all slurs
The drainage happened at the age of eighteen
only dent in her pride was forever.
Fool her with promises,exchange arms and legs with money,
skin burns easily so be an animal,defy the pressure-gauge.
Rolling on souls again.
Overawe us into the silence.
The silence of methadone.

What life holds for a loved one out there,
Who choose the life of the dark streets,
Instead of living here,
What she has choose didnt make the two ends meet.
My beloved little sister choose the addiction of drugs,
And my mother and I sit in agony wondering when god will save her from the devils work,
We miss a part of a family wishing we can give her a hug,
We put all the pain and worry in the hands of the Lord.
We pray that he gets her off the streets in a safe way,
While she's out there throwing herself out there for the men to make money,
We pray we can hold that little girl we once knew again some day,
And be able to know we have that girl back and seeing she is as sweet as honey.
Not have a loved one use and steal off of us,
Just to know the streets won't kill my sister first,
All we can do know is have faith and trust,
All of this right now is just a curse.
We recieve a phone call one night,
The police arrested her for robbery,
We finally see the light,
My sister sitting in the jail house wishing she could win the lottery.
God answered our prayers,its better then the death of a family member,
Today I thank him and always will for saving her from the dark path she was heading to,
I'm glad that her life won't hither,
My sister would have killed herself and the unborn two.

i once had a mother
and a sister
and a brother
her head was twisted
she wished for death
and barely missed it
she hated her life
all she wanted was true love
and to become a wife
she tried soo hard to end it
but her spirit failed to split
************
they sent me away
i can still remember
grandma coming and helping
me pack that day
As i alone walked to the car
i looked back
not understanding the distance
so far
she shut the door
and i knew in that moment
she was my mother no more
and in that moment let my
mind know
its time for all of us to just let
go
months later i got a strange call
and i knew
sometimes rehab cant fix em`
all
To: my real mom
Whom has placed this horrible
curse I call life upon me

YESTERDAY MY D-TOX HAD BEGUN
SO FAR IVE MADE IT THRU DAY 1
I FORGAVE MESELF N I BLAME NO ONE ELSE
BUT NOW I GOTA DO 4 SELF
KEEP WORKN ON MY HEALTH
SO FAR EVERYDAY I GOTA ADD AN INCH 2 TIGHTING MY BELT
I UNDERSTAND THIS IS ANOTHER TRIBULATION THE LORD HAS DELT
I OVER DID IT WITH MY FEELINGS I FELT
IM SORRY I DRAGD U THRU MY HELL
THO TIME WILL SOON TELL
I SHALL RISE FROM WHERE I FELL
IM SORRY HEART BUT UR NO HELP TO ME NOW
MY MIND IS NOW ON POINT IN THIS NU RUN
SO MANY THINGS IVE BEGUN
NOW I GOTA GET EM DONE
U SWEAR I WAS ON ANOTHER ONE
BUT IM SLOWLY BREAKING TIES
SOON ALSO IT WILL BE TIME 2 TELL MARYJANE GOODBYE
I GOT 2 IF I WANA ACCOMPLISH MY GOALS I HAVE IN MIND
SO I ASK ALL YOU PLEASE HELP ME TRY
EVERYDAY IM BECOMING A DIFFERENT GUY
CAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE THE SAME I WONT LIE
IM TIRED OF HOW I LIVE MY LIFE
I KNOW IM GREATER THAN ME
IVE SEEN THE MAN WHO IM MEANT BE ONCE BEFORE
NOW IM SEARCHING FOR HIM AT EVERY DOOR
I HOPE I FIND HIM SOON
CAUSE RIGHT NOW IM STILL KINDA LOST ON WUT 2 DO
IM ON THE RIGHT TRACK
IM JUS TRYN FIGURE OUT WHR 2 GO
CAUSE I CAN SEE INTERSECTIONS COMN UP ON MY PATH
N I DNT WONT 2 MAKE A WRONG TURN THAT’LL SET ME BACK
LORD HELP ME OUT
THAT’S ALL THIS SINNER CAN ASK
N I’LL DO WUTEVER I HAVE 2 DO
N THAT VISION OF A SETTLE N STABLE ME
BEST BELIEVE IM COMIN AFTER YOU
....PEACE.
-bkmjr 2011-

A man struggles to see the light,
Which shined so bright.
Darkness impours him and he fight's to break free,
But there's no light and he can't see.
The darkness is strong he trembles with fear,
He makes a cry to God loud and clear.
Forgive me for I have done wrong,
The evil around me is just to strong.
I come to you,
To help me through.
He opens his eyes and suddenly can see,
The light he had lost but now found for God answered him and set him free.
He thinks to himself how could I have been so vain,
But he forgives himself for he was saved by the healer of pain.

Are you making an excuse
for a “hidden” sin...
which is causing trouble
in your heart within?
We have all sinned and fallen
short of God’s glory...
Christ’ work on the cross is
a wondrous story!
The freedom of Jesus will
overflow your soul...
When the “secret sin” you have,
you choose to let go!
Don’t allow the mark of this
sin to cause a stain...
A foothold in your life is
what it will claim!
Allow Jesus to cleanse you
of all unrighteousness...
Begin a new walk in HIS
beauty and holiness.
Not being hindered by
this “"secret” sin"...
Will help you to know the
JOY of being born again!
By Jim Pemberton

Feels like I'm drowning in my own tears,
Is there no one in this world that can take away all my fears?
I'm asking for your help, I'm asking for your hand,
I know i cant do this with you with a band.
Take me as I am and lift me high,
I grown up way to fast, I think you can see why.
You tell me you know everything before it even comes out of my mouth,
but you cant see the fact that im from the south.
That's where all the blood, sweat, and tears came from, to only survive,
so please don't tell me that you know everything, especially how to dive.
Cause if you would of known, you would of done something about it,
instead of each time we get into this, you wouldn't throw a fit.

Have You “Cut” Someone Out Of Your Life?
Many people are walking
down a dangerous path.
By “letting the sun set
on their wrath.”
They say; “I’m not angry.”
“I just don’t talk to him anymore.”
“I don’t have anything to do with him
or let him in my door.”
Is this what it means, when Christ
says we must forgive?
To completely “cut someone off”
out of the lives we live?
I’m confused here…
Can you tell me the difference?
It’s unforgiveness. No matter how you
try to change the appearance.
Why not explain to God, why you
decided to “cut someone out.”
Perhaps read his word on what being
his example is all about.
This choice you made…
It’s been made by many others before.
When it comes to forgiveness.
We all need so much more!
The “ball is in your court now.”
What are you going to do?
Remember… In spite of your faults.
Christ says; “I love you!”
May God stir your spirit to be
humble and broken…
And bless those who’ve hurt you
in what is done and spoken!
By Jim Pemberton 11/02/11

Caged out inside herself
The dark light will never shine
Why do you care to think negative
If you'd care to think at all?
Can you believe I wanted to be you?
The dream faded long ago
Once I realized it was me whom was right; prudence redeemed
Your thoughts were wrong
Why would you ever try someone that is less than you
Someone that could never contend
Directly to the end?
My ashes turn dark
Suffering from the sins of others
No melody can save me
I'm crossing the borderline
Waking up in a dream
Is it justified To harm others
Only to break your insecurities
To fill your prejudice
I wish I could know
Why you do this
The words freeze when the come to me
To burn another was they set into you
Relapsed again I was left bleeding
Cause I'm not good enough if I can be me
You were the dream; I was the nightmare
Serendipity came for me
And I woke up in a dream
My ashes turn dark
Suffering from the sins of others
No melody can save me
I'm crossing the borderline
Waking up in a dream
My ashes turn dark
Suffering from the sins of others
No melody can save me
I'm crossing the borderline
Waking up in a dream
Say oh, I must say, to you,
Mon plus Cher ami
Yes to you
I'm sorry I had an opinion
I'm sorry I felt for one who can't feel
I'm sorry I wasn't you
I'm sorry I can only be me
I'm sorry your dread words will never again be heard by me
My ashes turn dark
Suffering from the sins of others
No melody can save me
I'm crossing the borderline
Waking up in a dream
My ashes turn dark
Suffering from the sins of others
No melody can save me
I'm crossing the borderline
Waking up in a dream

Every day, my life has been filled with regret. I should've found true love somewhere in
America when I had that first chance. I regret being diagnosed with autism, mild MR
(mental retardation), and OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) at the age of three. I also
regret not having a real-life girlfriend from another state, especially the State of
California. It seemed that I had an unfair advantage or whatever. Of course, I had a
somewhat good childhood, but it was almost as messed up as someone else's. The only reason
why my life is filled with plenty of regret is because I was supposed to have a perfect
life. I was also supposed to get everything right, that would've included my childhood.
Now, instead of being rich beyond my dreams and being a college graduate, I'm stuck with a
boring life. And even though I have no girlfriend or no job as of right now, the ones from
my past, it's them that I really feel sorry for. And those girls from my middle school
years and my high school years, it's them that I feel so sorry for, too. It makes me sick,
just thinking about a lot of regrets. But what I really regret most of all is that I
should've done something a long time ago, but there's nothing I can do about my past; it's
already done. Right now, I wish that my life wasn't filled with regret and that I knew
what my life would be like if I was born perfect and that I were to walk in someone
else's shoes.

Sitting alone in a hotel room
Looking out over flat roofed buildings
At twinkling lights across the Island.
How many lights?
How many people?
Sitting alone in their rooms?
Looking out.
Alone.
Searching.
Despairing of finding ourselves.
Fearful of discovery
That I am Me.
Who is dying?
Slowly but slowly we all surely will.
Choice is everything.

Barrier of Sin
Because of man’s fall, there’s a barrier of sin!
The heart of man is wicked and evil within!
No matter what man does.
No matter how hard he may try.
There will be a day when each
person shall die!
The days on earth, that we have, are just a few.
We all will leave our body,
no matter what we do!
God has provided an answer to the “sin problem.”
He sent his son Jesus! He can surely solve them!
He’s willing to take away all of our sin and pain!
We can find hope and forgiveness in Jesus’ name!
Won’t you take the time, and come to him?
He died for you! Even before you knew him!
The barrier of sin can be knocked down today!
Jesus offers salvation! And has made a way!
The power of his blood can take any barrier down!
For where sin is, his grace does
much more abound!
By Jim Pemberton

This Brother Told Me To Go Away!
I knew of a brother, who told me; “Go away!”
Throughout the years, he had nothing to say!
Perhaps I should put a trophy up on his wall…
It would read: “1st place for not
giving his brother a call.”
I’m not sure if it was something I did or said.
It’s almost like he “wishes I were dead.”
I wouldn’t want to be walking in his shoes!
It’s him. Not me. That’s going to lose!
Is “cutting someone off,” really our place?
Especially those who’ve received his grace?
Should a trophy in your home also be displayed?
Has God’s love in your life been portrayed?
Rather than trying to give someone a “shove.”
Why not take time, and show him God’s love?
God’s love speaks louder than 10,000 words.
Especially to the many who haven’t heard!
Is there anyone whom you refuse
to say; “I love you?”
I pray that the love of Christ will reach you!
Being an example of Christ needs to be our goal!
His eternal peace and love needs to fill our soul!
If you can’t forgive...
You’ll neither be forgiven!
Who is the Lord…
Of the way you’re livin’???
By Jim Pemberton

If I shouted and hollered
If I begged and grovelled
would you falter in your steps,
would you halt and consider me ?
If I wrote you numerous love poems
laced with rhymes and sweet words
would you be swept away
would a night's dream be of you and me?
If I walked in the heart of danger
riding like a glorious knight
would your eyes adore me
would a wish for me cross your mind?
If I jumped from the heavens for you
and met my untimely demise
would a tear be found in your eye
would you grieve and refuse comfort?
Therefore if I loved you
with all that is me and in me
would feelings be evoked in you
would you love me too.

Quite often, I hear many complaints
When it comes to Godly “restraints.”
Often, things of God are
called “bigotry.”
AS much of this nation indulges
In idolatry!
God? Well, “we just don’t
need him!”
”Why should anyone ever believe him?”
Many churches provide
very little Godly direction.
They’re more concerned about
“getting people’s attention.”
No wonder why many don't
know what to believe!.
Drugs and sex is what many
want to achieve!
God is what is really what’s needed!
Without him, our life is
never completed!
Rather than complain…
We need to praise him!
One day… We shall all
kneel down before him!
It’s only in Christ…
We have purpose and hope!
Without him… We’re on a
“slippery slope.”
Won’t you come and invite
the Lord Jesus in?
He’ll bless your life
again and again!
He gives true life! That’s everlasting!
It can be yours! Just for the asking!
By Jim Pemberton

I'm sorry I wasn't the perfect girl you always wanted
I'm sorry that you had to deal with me everyday
I'm sorry I was too much to handle, so much that you had to send me away.
I'm sorry that I got you so worried
I'm sorry i was so confused that I cried to myself at night
I'm sorry I was so stupid, I didn't know the difference between wrong and right.
I'm sorry I just wanted you to be happy
I'm sorry I messed up your life
I'm sorry i tried solving everything with a knife
I'm sorry I was so miserable
I'm sorry it was so hard to smile, I even had to pretend
I'm sorry things never got better, I always thought there'd be a happy end.
I'm sorry I had to leave
I'm sorry all I ever wanted was to be home
I'm sorry I wanted to be with you but now I'm alone.
I'm sorry I caused trouble
I'm sorry I had to learn everything the hard way
I'm sorry I always thought It'll be okay.
I'm sorry I wasn't always there
I'm sorry I was your only one
I'm sorry I did things that shouldn't have been done.
I'm sorry I was too much to handle
I'm sorry I covered up everything with a lie.
I'm sorry but I wanted to let you know that I really did try.
I'm sorry I always complain
I'm sorry but i did try to change
I'm sorry even after that things were the same
I'm sorry for everything
I'm sorry that this is what things turned out to be
I just wanted you to know that
I'm sorry for
Acting in my dreams, not reality
I'm sorry for
Tripping over things I didn't see
I'm sorry for
Taking things blind, not knowing what they'd be
And I'm sorry for
messing everything up
Between you and me.

Once again I feel defeated,
Still alone, slowly depleted,
Sitting lonesome in quiet wait,
For something to initiate.
Just one message , on my phone,
To get me up and out of home.
I once thought that time was slow,
My father tried to let me know,
Now that time has gone and past,
I understand time is constant and very fast,
Remember all those times, you said "I know"
Parents would warn, but still you'd go,
Out into the night, not a care in the world,
Parents up late, worried sick, your not killed.
If I knew when I was young,
How much pain I would cause some,
I would have changed the error of ways,
Changed directions, had better days,
No going back, time travel non existent ,
Know what you have, gone in an instant.

I always knew something about you would fade.
Your words never could reach my soul,
But they ripped my heart in half.
With every being of who you are you tired,
And tired but it never worked.
And who I am seems to be frowned upon,
Time and time again.
I was never enough for you,
And someday you'll move on to something great,
To someone greater.
And we're gonna grow apart,
One day I'll see you somewhere and remember you.
You'll be a married man and far past us,
And it won't matter to you.
It'll still scar me and even if right now
I appear as the stronger one, it won't be like this forever.
I'm breaking down on the inside, I just don't show it.
And you don't know the control you have,
I just had to write you this so you would know,
That I'm moving on' and letting go,
Even though I don't want to.
You'll keep going about your life,
And keep regretting me like you have been,
And I've never regretted you.
I feel like I've been pushed down,
Pushed down, cut and pushed into the dumpster.
The sadness is this is no longer a poem.
This isn't a work of art,
This is a sad way of writing a letter to a lost friend,
A lost friend who shouldn't be lost.
A lost friend who should still be mine.
But I'll give you my acceptance of moving on when it feels,
While it feels unbearable. And I've lost you.
Odds against me, I doubt I'll ever have you again.
I've never been enough for you,
And I can't bear to try to be perfect anymore.
I can't feed you the lies so I'm enough for you.
I guess I'll always be imperfect,
And unable to be yours.
Hopefully you aren't always lost;
Love and leave,
Joy and tears,
Mine and gone,
One day we'll see.

Dustin,
My best friend, My x boyfriend, and the one I’m still in love with.
I know I have a boyfriend and he just happens to be your best friend too, but if I had the chance to tell you everything I would.
You and I still love each other like we did 3 years ago, but there’s nothing we can do about it.
I cant leave my boyfriend because I to scared of everything that will happen.
I do love him and I do love you, but Who do I love more?
The one weekend I Saw you this year was the best weekend I've ever had.
We walked around like there was nothing else going on in the world.
The biggest smiles on our face, My lipstick on your lips, and the love in our eyes.
You and I even sang together on the park bench for the world to hear.
Shinedown is our favorite band because we both fit like perfect puzzle pieces in all their songs.
I can't describe the way you made me feel with your big blue eyes, and the way you lifted me up like I was as light as a feather.
I know people might say if I love you so much then why don't I leave him.
My answer is simple: I'm scared of being hurt… again.
Sure, every girl is sacred of a heart break but this girl?
The bipolar , depressed, starving, love hungry, emotional, girl isn’t just scared she's terrified.
I do I love my boyfriend, but I don’t know who I love more.
Sure Dustin you broke up with me on my birthday 3 years ago, but we all make mistakes.
So for this years birthday you got me a beautiful “J” necklace, the color of my birthstone.
I know it might not sound like that makes up for it but the way I feel with you makes me feel invincible.
Every night we would go up to the hill, smoke a cigarette, and just hold each other.
So if I had the opportunity to tell you one thing that I regret not telling you.
It's that I love you and the way you make me feel more then everything in the whole world... except for Tyler, my boyfriend.
I'm sorry Dustin.

I cant go and I can't leave
I'm sadly broken from within between
I know that I probably should go
but every time my heart keeps telling me, "no!"
you've changed so much,
and you've lost your light,
now your filled with anger and spite.
you've stolen my happiness and my pride
you call me names and watch me cry
all my tears, sinking into all my fears.
you sit back and laugh with all the guys
joking like my misery is your biggest prize
when I met you , you were something so special,
something that shined like a ruby or crystal.
now your dull you should be ashamed,
your a little boy , you will never change.
god will give back what you've been giving
take this as a lesson in life's finer living.
kindness and compassion can go a long way
maybe you should remember that, it could help you out some day :)
This is actually a song that I wrote, Hope you enjoy! :)
With Love,

The times that we shared
Fixed deep in my heart
I know it will not be forgotten
Everything, right from the start
Though time have passed
You are now long gone
But your words will always stay
In a rhythm of our song
To cherish each day
A passion for life
Courage to be strong
And a sense where I belong
I will always remember you
Even if we are apart
In the mist of Heaven's rays
We will meet again
Yesterday, tomorrow and everyday

clouds and sky of April
will become a beautiful zoo
entertain me every afternoon
and plants more friendly
for little feet who walks
the only reason I believe
because fewer contain pain
wherever will go and arrive,
your steps can leave the door

Dear Self,
I'm oh so sorry I let you down, so many uncountable times
Sorry I ignored your cries and pretended I didn't hear them, though they were all
what was ringing in my ears
I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you and thought I was Ok without you
Sorry I left you crying your heart out in the rain while I had such a good time
Left you shattered at home, sealed in a closet, ashamed of yourself
Hoping to come home and not find you
All I can do is stroke this gentle pen on this paper
Stroke down my feelings,
For you
My broken words are all I have to offer
The years floated by so quickly
Like an idiot I sat there and watched, afraid to blend in
Where were my motives, my burning passions, my hunger for life?
For all those I needed Hope, a candle put out by reality a long time ago
—or was it by me?
Sorry again, for being the weak link in such a strong chain
For being the letter left not mailed, the uncooked meal
The unpainted painting, the unaccomplished plan
The loser of the battle for survival
Sorry for being a wilted petal, a worn out tree in such a strong thunderstorm
called Life
Sorry for being so scared to move
So glued to my spot, afraid to budge, face the world
I'm now paying with my crimson regret, I assure you, if it makes you feel any better
Please forgive me, I beseech you
I know I cancelled reality long ago, to float my way through fantasy, wait for
dreams to come true by themselves
Watched my heart crumble in the wind and my hope fly away like ashes
I kept wishing beneath brilliant stars, kept blowing eyelashes and looking for four-
leafed clovers
It all went in vain, and left you there watching me, pitying me, crying for me
Please find it in your heart to forgive me, and I hope we can start all over again,
working together this time…
Sealed with a kiss of everlasting love,
Me

There's a man I saw just the other day
However I don't know his name
He was of Hispanic decent I know
But we never spoke just the same.
He was talking to his lawyer
That day about his court case
I felt his pain and anguish
As I looked him in his face.
I could tell he was sorry for what he did
Because even the strongest can become meek
He looked like the drugs he did had done him in
Like cancer to a person so frail and weak.
Prison life doesn't do anything for him
And he doesn't want to do drugs anymore
He wants to move from the city to start over again
I really hope he gets what he asks for.
His lawyer said he'd do what he could
To answer his client's request
I wanted to shake his hand as my heart
Went out to wish him all the best.
I don't know what held me back
From saying how I felt
I guess I just chose to remain silent
Because I really didn't know how to help.
So where ever you are, my brother
I hear you; I hear you loud and clear
If there were ever a way I could help you
It would be to first lend a listening ear.

Like sleep thou took him
to journey the part of others
in unison and intimation
thou traveler , go tell them
Tell the fallen Majors
that we a'e losing
the battle they started
that our soldiers only drink and sleep
tell them
that they kill those
those they are to protect
making us weaker and losers
except they realise, their duties
We must be fugitives
II
The gunpowder we make
yet we carry unloaded guns
tell them
that our soldiers refuse
to recruit trained men
warriors of our clan
Tell them
that our soldiers now reap
what we sowed in unison
that they have forgotten
The sacrifice of our coups
the coups that was to
Eswama the clan
In order to edenise our clan

When were really young
Untouched by all the pain that
Came in later years
How Joyfully we used to play.
Elven wars, games wigh figures.
Writing songs, a play dog named
Xlix.
Counting to a thousand or
Just plain reading.
A happy sister with her
Two brother siblings.
While most of my life I
Would not live over,
In my heart it pains me
That we fell so far apart.
I really, really miss those days
When we were younger.
What I miss are my two little brothers.

Moonlight shines down on my cold, pale face
I am alone, her raven calling, I am disgrace
Falling as the willows weep,
I hold her in my arms
as she struggles to breathe
Rosaline, my one love divine.
You are sacred
You are mine
Her voice rising above the water
Beautiful Rosaline sang silently to me
The whispers trailing off her fingers,
as she faded into the darkness
My beautiful angel has vanished again
Goodbye my Beautiful Rosaline.
Happened that Grim reckless day
when the shadows began to play
Beauty detonated in my trust
No more, no more will there
ever be a witch so grand,
as to bring back my Beloved Rosaline
Sorrow cuts it's way into my heart
It is the locked key, the one you keep
Her voice rising above the water
Beautiful Rosaline sang silently to me
The whispers trailing off her fingers,
as she faded into the darkness
My beautiful angel has vanished again
Goodbye my Beautiful Rosaline
So leaving this Tragic scene
I vanished from Rosaline's sight
Nevermore will there
ever be a witch so grand,
as to bring back my Beloved Rosaline
Her voice rising above the water
Beautiful Rosaline sang silently to me
The whispers trailing off her fingers,
as she faded into the darkness
My beautiful angel has vanished again
Goodbye my Beautiful Rosaline.
Enchanting she sang to me,
in the everlasting light of peace
My beautiful siren walks again
Goodnight my Beautiful Rosaline

A dance of death, a greedy chore
Trapped inside these creature comforts;
A chance of life may become a bore
Outside this pleasantly right hurt.
But, soft and fair, though, of the skin,
In flesh a silent malice lies
Dormant, unnoticed, not used in
Context. Still, touch me as day dies.
And you, a ghost I cannot touch
By reaching out to Heart or mind,
Caught up in this sweetly rush-
Jaded: Nothing else left to find.
Superfluous and flushed, we breath
In gusts, unable to be free.

Seven years have passed
since first I married him
Whence he succombed his bride
Yet when I told him of babe we’d due
it felt our love just withered up and died
For the man he changed,
no, the child we had not planned
Pushed me around until to others ashamed I lied
I’d fallen, or bumped myself again,
backed him up, supported him, everything denied.
When babe was born,
I thought we’d learn to love
Try to make things work together with pride
But now cut off from all my friends in time,
it’s nursing I only now that I must bide.
Although I raise our child
I am so sad, my life has stopped,
when they play up I fret that you will chide
and fear that you’ll know not of when to stop
Frightened, huddled close we rock, we hide.
Once grown up, at school a freedom found,
whilst you’re at work – your daily grind.
Lucky new friend we find to guide
us back to safety relieved, released.
Apart, I know head high that I had tried.

What will be
Will be!
I know of this, first hand
Your life was taken away
So abruptly!
I will
Never forget
That day!
Till the day
My body dies
And
I am with you, again!
“How was I to prepare myself?”
With
That kind of
Life changing, event!
You
Didn't warn me
You
Were permanently leaving!
I hope
You know
How much “I love you”
Know
You will never be forgotten!
I don’t know
What
Has got into me!
Consciously
I feel you
Inside me
I see images
Of your face
So clearly!
Am I crazy
To believe in this, my love?
“Are you still with me?”
“Is my imagination
Playing cruel tricks
Running rampant
As
I talk with you
As if
You were by my side, right now
In my heart and mind
Your face etched
Imprinted
Like a blue print
That never fades
Your foot prints
Still remain, beside me
My heart beats
Eternally
Trying to make sense of everything!
Forgive me, my love
For being so strong in my feeling
For it has been a long time
Since I lost you, my friend
Something
I haven’t
Quite
Got over!
My heart
Having
A mind of its own
Aching
To be with you, still!
To see you
To smell you
To touch you
To taste you
One
Last time!
I want to say “Goodbye”
Once and for all!
As
We have
Brought out
The best and worst
In each other
Rivers run deep
When it comes to you and me!
We have had our fair share of fights and arguments
Stubborn disagreements
All of them
Meaningless
Now
You cease to exist!
I miss your lingering touches
Your hand, stroking my face
Your big, blue eyes
Looking into mine
Your warm lips
Your rough, unshaven face
The way you
Passionately
Kiss me
While
We make love, till dawn
I miss
All those nights
You kept me
Safe and warm!
I miss
Your
Loving embrace
I miss
Your
Reassurance!
“Am I ever going to feel the same, with another?”
Just
As
I felt
In your arms, my love?
How
Do I let you go?
How
Do I set myself, free?
I am ready
To love, again!
With
‘Our eternal love’
Supporting
And
Guiding me
Especially
In times, like these!

Can God Find You Faithful?
I once knew a man had made
up his mind.
He left his wife and children behind!
He met someone who “captured his heart.”
This was a deception
from the very start!
His wife gave God and their kids
her love and attention...
But her husband went
Into another direction!
They went to church...
And did their "Sunday best."
How could this
turn into such a mess?
Temptation can happen to anyone!.
Whether rich or poor.
Be careful what you allow to
enter your heart's door.
Regardless of whether you've been
married for a lot of years..."
One shameful act can bring
heartache and tears!
The love that’s been given...
Let no one take away!
No matter what others think...
Or what they might say.
Stay true to God! You'll be
glad you did!
His love and joy will bless you
each day you live!
Jesus will never forsake you!
Or leave you alone!
Allow HIM to bring peace and
restore your home!
By Jim Pemberton

Loosing sight as he drifts in the water.
Sinking slowly, silently.
He was swiftly swept of his life,
no warning what so ever!
Yet, the burn of the crying desire,
that was in his body,
was feeding on him from within.
Ripping & feeding on his soul.
The desperate cry for escape,
was stripping his heart
into its ventricle casings,
un-denyingly on purpose.
As if u would be able
to stop it anyway!
While u sit in agony,
helpless & unwillingly fearing,
for whatever will happen next!

I know we can’t take it back
all the things we said
Everything we had
Everything we meant
I told you I’d love you forever
Isn’t that something
But im struggling here
Wanting to let you go
You meant the world to me
You meant everything to me
Set my heart on fire
How I felt love for the first time
How you made me believe
Then you,
You walked away
From everything we had
And I see how hard it was
It was all planned out
‘Just you and me’
now all we had is history
If I could take it all back I would
Every last word
Everything that hurt
I’m sorry for all the lies you made me believe
Its time for me to release
And set my heart free
If you believe this is not the end
And all we’ll ever be is friends
I’ll let you know one thing inside
This is not who I am
So sorry
Goodbye
Now you held my hand
My world in your hands
Is it really true
Is this the end
Im off and away
On my jet plane
To see if you love me
And want me to stay
Then you,
You walked away
From everything we had
And I see how hard it was
It was all planned out
‘Just you and me’
Now all we had is history
If I could take it all back I would
Every last word
Everything that hurt
I’m sorry for all the lies you made me believe
Its time for me to release
And set my heart free

The members of this group....
All know the rules...but fail...
Members before have done the same...
This membership...is old...
So why do they lay claim...
They have forgotten their own rules...
In this game...Or have they just made...
Up a list so others who don't know...
As the membership grows...
And as the years past...
Others have moved on...
This information on the rules...
Has been found...what does the old member say...
To the new ones around...
We all know the rules...but have failed...
As have others before...

Little did I know that
A year ago today
We would end up right back here now
Like you never went away
The scabs have only just left
My skin still pink from scars
Not enough time to forget you
Not enough to stop wishing on stars
And yet you're standing here once more now
On my doorstep wanting in
And believe me I want to let you
But I don't want to hurt again
So I'm faced with the decision
To forget and go on with you
Or to bring the scars to your attention
Tell you what you've put me through
Or be silent and walk away
To wonder what could have been
If this was the one time you had pure intentions
Or if I'd be burned within
But with everything that's happened
I can't pretend to be okay
I can't ignore the lashes to my heart
Given when you walked away
I so wish I could forget it
Because as much as you've hurt me
I would never want to hurt you
I don't want to ignore your plea
The world spinning has changed so much
A circle of the globe
Time seems to move so quickly
But with you, time seems to slow.

Disappointed and angry on myself I am
Couldn’t just let this feeling go away
That annoying test I have to take again,
But I won’t let go so easy of this dream.
The moon is watching with stiffness,
Just a couple of stars appear on the sky,
My lips are getting heavy and dry,
And I can’t do anything, I am worthless.
I need to drink to wash it all away.
I must evade and destroy my way,
‘Cause nothing can make me better,
And my heart is getting colder.
Walking on my bicycle with speed,
I’m thinking of you and nothing more,
Just this road to cross it I need
And getting to that place for sure!
I can’t see myself apart from you,
Or you not laying next to me.
I think I need you now and badly,
This is perfect, you love me too!
Then your scream I heard
I am wordless but I do not fear,
To you I cannot get, it’s hard,
It’s almost darker than everywhere.
I entered the nearest little bar,
Looked on left, looked on right,
Something’s holding me up tight,
I am letting go of this thread.
So there I was, on the road again,
On my bicycle, and it started to rain,
On my way back home, alone,
No one’s going to stop me then.
I hopped that once I’ll get home,
You’ll be there to easy my pain,
And then holding each other again,
My heart will be no more alone.
But some friends I met tonight,
And they asked me to party,
I could not refuse a friend on Friday,
So I stood with them all night.
How could I forget about it?
You needed help, and so do I,
I’m sorry that I had to hit,
Your soul and leave you to die.
It was the hardest part... the cost...
To have a choice and not to choose
I had one love and now is lost,
Like my soul, and my mind I lose.

Rain soaks me as i watch them walk away, heads hung, tears flowing.
They can't change my fate anymore than i can move.
I try to cry out and tell them it wasn't my fault, i swear i didn't do anything wrong.
But i can't and i will never get the chance.
I never saw it coming, now these eyes will never see again.
The second the cars collided is the second my life ended.
The minute i saw the car swerving, driving way too fast, was the last minute i
spent on this earth.
The hour that boy started drinking, the countdown on my life began.
I know he didn't intend to kill me or hurt my family as he did.
He didn't know those beers, the answer to his problems, would be the end of my
life.
He didn't think he was too drunk to drive.

The thoughts that I think,
The words that I hear,
The tears that I shed,
wishing happiness to be near,
Hopes for the light to shine on through,
lighting each step of the way,
The screams that I yell,
The fights that I cause,
The spirit that I have sadly lost,
The cuts the bruises, the scars, the pain,
The feeling so vivid, so real, but i know it's not,
My home away from home,
nothing more than my paper and pen,
I try myself, I ask for help,
Never heard, always ignored,
being torn apart, from the inside out,
waiting to wake up, to snap out of it,
For it to be all over,
For the sun to shine bright,
For laughter to fill the air,
once more,
These are my thoughts.

These gentle clouds move without hesitation over the glow of my understanding. Watching
without eyes listening without ears they dance to the song of the humble breeze. Elegant
birds of white follow underneath the night skys there feathers reflect the natural light
painting a masterpiece with there luminous wings. As I lay here forgeting time I watch this
beauty and learn to appreciate but never do I desacrate my friend's true work of art. Sweet
dreams dreamer....

I'm so far away
I'm not coming home
Not today
I found a better place
Somewhere I can smile
I just need my space
For a long long while
Here I am content
Here I hear no lies
Here I see the light
Here I can vent
Here I need no disguise
We don't need to speak
Here I belong
Forever in a week
You were wrong
No need to roam
You won't find me
I'm not coming home
*Written on April 6, 2012*

On the day I go you wont,
see a smile because it is hidden.
In all this pain and sorrow it is making me
loose my mind.
I don't know where my life is heading.
I've been lost for to long.
I just wish I could see that bright light again.
As I sit here in the dark.
Wondering why I stick around
Nobody notices that all I do is cry
on the inside.
I'm starting to wonder why I can't
escape the dark forest it just keeps going
on as I'm in an endless attempt to escape.
My guardian angel watches over me
but sometimes I don't think that's enough.
As you see I have lost my mind, I am going
crazy I don't know how to get out of this
forest.
The darkness just follows me wherever I go.
As I travel on my own I wonder what was
best for me but I haven't found the right path yet.
Everyone tells me its going to be okay
but its not.
They don't understand how much this is hurting me.
Every night I sit here crying you just don't notice the tears.
I feel so unloved, so ashamed.
I know I've screwed up my own life but what you don't know
is that I've tried to fix it.
I just wish I could find my way out of this forest.

Guilty As Charged?
There was a woman caught in an adulterous act.
Her accusers came after her with all of the “facts…”
She came to Jesus. .. With a heart-felt plea.
“Master….” “Have mercy on someone like me!”
Jesus looked at her as she wept and cried.
So many other things she had already tried.
Coming to Jesus… She felt scared and alone…
Jesus told her accusers; “You without sin.”
“Throw the first stone.”
One by one… They dropped the stones and fled.
Rather than face the truth…
They ran away instead…
Jesus told the woman; “Your forgiven.”
“Go and sin no more…”
She was the meaning of what
God’s grace was meant for.
If you’re caught in a situation,
with “no way out…”
This is what the meaning
of salvation is all about!
Any “accusers” you may have,
will quickly run and hide.
When to Jesus you come…
And have him “on your side…”
Allow the master to cleanse your life this very hour…
And experience the love of his life-changing power!
He’ll take you in with his arms wide open.
“You’re forgiven!” Will be the lovely words spoken!
Be “caught up” in the savior’s
redeeming grace…
He’ll give you hope and put a smile
on your face!
By Jim Pemberton

Theres no one in this world who can compare to you or can even come close
Your the best grandmother anyone could ever ask for i love you most
I know I dont always show you how much you mean to me
Im sorry for all the times I was a brat and how I would be
No matter what I say without you I wouldnt have anything and you mean more to me than you know
Im sorry from the bottom of my heart and the good I will try to show
To you Grandma I wrote this for you with all my love
Everyday your in my heart and in my head your always thought of

Will God Accept Me?
I had nothing to offer to God but a life of shame.
I was embarrassed of the mention of my name
I had nothing to offer to God but “failure.”
I didn’t know if he listened to me prayer?
I had a life that was just falling apart.
I often cried from a wounded heart.
I began to blame myself for things going wrong.
I began to feel like I didn’t belong.
I’d begin each day with a lot of stress and tension.
I didn’t feel any kind of love or appreciation.
Many of my friends began to “leave me behind.”
There wasn’t a single “friend” I could find!
Just when everything was falling around me...
Jesus was there! His love began to surround me!
“Lord, please help me!” Where the words spoken.
My life was coming apart!, And was empty and broken!
Jesus reached down and took a hold of my hand!
And told me everything I went through... He understands!
Day by day he brought to me a peace I never knew!
Putting my life back together was what he wanted to do!
As I read his word, his spirit renewed my mind.
A precious friend in HIM… I was able to find!
He accepted me! And gave so much more!
He truly is what living my life is meant for!
He is and will always be the Lord for me!
And can do the same for you! Most certainly!
By Jim Pemberton

The reddish
grave
is the do ,
else what the soul
swallowing my turn ,
the following
unfortunate .
Been the pieces of
what under I ,
or the kisses why
thunder my of ,
or the pathetic body
that the soil ,
even
the what the
compassionate it ,
somehow
upsides down and
down ,
and on so ..

I will put my half blood in a huge metal can.
Take it for chemical analysis.
So as to see my beliefs and my perception,
my vision and my aspirations.
Those i loved and others i hated.
With my other half i will paint in brick walls.
At the top,maby above all,
i will write these two words.
NO MORE
NO MORE
And then i will go to the store with aquariums.

A ritual born
as radiance toils
straight forth from my center eye
threatening to overshadow
everything that you are
like a bad cancer
that takes life from afar
that takes back what was never given
and return what was never there
as a sign you truly care
if not now when, how and where?
I can't feel back very long
I can't send back what went wrong
I can't sense that in a fog
that's encircling so many pawns
A blue baby is always sad
just maybe there's more to that
his happy gland broken, he hopes it back
pick up the pieces then glue them intact
I am more than a maybe
but less than a yes
more better than average
yet far from best
at least not the worst
its reserved for a time
when I give up trying
and pay all an unpaid mind
A care these days
is hard to give
a bad decision
is hard well lived
a stare unknowing
to spark a burst
that sets off a chain
into random verse
that starts a seance
of heavy chanting
until blood and sweat
build from heavy panting
I'm alive, survived
where others fell
went in and came out of
the wishing well
with more than just a
fist of pennies
I let loose a wish
so pretty
it will radiate now
for years to come
why do I wait forever
when twenty eight years
have come and gone?

Satan Wants Me to Be Destroyed And Defeated!
Satan wants me destroyed and defeated…
So God’s will in my life, won’t be completed
He wants to see me “up against a wall.”
And wants to be there, when I “stumble and fall.”
He wants for my life to “crash to the ground.”
And he doesn’t want any help to be around!
He wants my life to come to a “screeching halt.”
And then try to tell me, it’s all of my fault!
He wants to see every good thing to be destroyed.
He doesn’t want God’s truth to ever be employed!
He’ll twist the truth into any way that he can!
Anything of God… He doesn’t want me to understand!
He wants to corrupt what I’ll do and say!
And wants to take everything wholesome away!
I need to listen and trust Christ to overcome!
I can do it, through the blood of God’s son!
With him as my Lord, Satan will have to flee!
I seek the blood of Jesus to daily protect me!
A invite you Jesus to complete your will in my life!
And ask for your blessings upon my family and wife!
I seek Jesus! Behold his awesomeness and power!
Jesus is the victor! Satan is defeated this very hour!
Thank you Jesus! For redeeming my soul!
Because of your shed blood…
Satan has to go!!!
By Jim Pemberton

I wish love was enough.
I thought it was enough, how stupid could I be?
But what I thought was love is now just a distant memory.
One that got the best of me.
It took away my thoughts, my days, and my nights.
Hell, a lot of the time it even took away my apitite.
I lost focus, sleep, and a good grip on the real world.
I was blinded from everything and protected by nothing.
For a while I was stupid enough to believe the lies my heart had told.
I thought your hugs said it all,
but now that I can recall, your kiss tasted like diaster.
Now that I've tamed my heart, my emotions are no longer my master.
I had always thought we'd be together one day in perfect harmony,
I realize now that all your words were just lies you fed to me.
I thought I was your 'Ride or Die' but now you call me a whore,
I don't even know who you are anymore.
I've been fed lie after lie- I'll call you out on every one, I'm not shy.
So you say you love me, what's your name again?
Why should I believe you, your credbility is a zero out of ten.
Don't act like I should feel sorry for you, because I don't.
If I'm the only thing in your pathetic life going right,
shouldn't you try to keep me happy with all your might?
I used to be blinded by the thought of forever, but now you've opened my eyes
up to see, I don't need you for me to be happy with me.
When we fought and I caved, I'd come back and cry "I'm sorry babe, I love you"
Now that I've finally caught you in your lies, you want to say "I'm sorry baby and I love you too"
I used to be blinded by your role,
but I pray for you now because sometimes wishing isn't enough to save a soul.
What I thought was love got the better part of me.
But now I'm glad that my heart has made me see
You messed up and I hope you know it; no one will ever love you like I thought I did.
Not even your own kid.
Yeah, I know my words hurt, but yours did too.
You lied everytime you said "I love you boo".
At least I'm the one here who has always confessed or told the truth,
I'm so sick of you now I just want to knock out your every single tooth.
I used to be blinded by love,
But now that I'm not, I'm as peaceful as a dove.
I hope these words hurt, and if they do it means I've done my job right.
I'm okay about losing you without a fight.
And to be honest? I'll sleep better from now on at night.

i dont know much about him
but i heard he wasnt talkative
he didnt like being alive
he was numb to all the stuff he had seen
i heard he didnt like anything green
he ate roman noodles everynight for supper
he always wore skinny jeans and black clothes
sometimes i seen him were tuxes and nice shoes
but lately he has been wearing band shirts
he wears converse shoes and uses and army bag for school
he always walks in the woods and never around town
i head hes very private
i know that he doesnt communicate throught talking only through his peoms or by lyrics from a song
i see him drawing or painting
when he tries to speak to anyone they always walk away and leave him alone
when he goes home he goes upstairs and smokes cutting himself till the blood drains from his skin
His family left him behind because he cant forget his past
sometimes he comtemplates the meaning behind his life
his favorite color is gray because his like is in black and white
hes not so innocent
he is someone fake
he knows of no god
his life was smashed into pieces by the giant sun
he knows of a darkest place where i usually see him lay
he crawls around in his own skin because he is disturbed

Sorry
To all who loved me
Sorry
If you can't understand
Sorry
If you just wanted to hold me
Sorry
If you’re mystified
Sorry
You couldn't help me
Sorry
You wonder if
Sorry
I couldn't stay any more
Sorry
I never explained my torturing pain
Sorry
I could not find the words to share
Every unbearable day
Sorry
I'm so tired
So Sorry
I've had
Enough

Its not like I asked for this
It’s something else besides
But knowing there is no way out
Just tears me up inside.
It’s like suffocation
Like drowning on dry land
Impossible, not really
On my knees for I cannot stand
You make promises and break them all
Crush them into dust
Moving on isn’t helping
To just leave things in the past
Burnt down to ashes, black and cold
Another day goes by
Another day in which I mean naught
Left on low, not on high
I do not beg for this torture
To be left out on my own
But you make it seem like that’s what I want
And again I’m left alone
One day you’ll pay the price for this
And regret it everyday
You deserved it for what you’ve done
And that’s all I have to say
You make is sound like it hurts you more
That you’re the victim here
Truth is you stand by and watch me cry
And seem not to even care

Some had time to prepare themselves
To meet their Maker that day,
To pray for their soul’s salvation …
To pray for those who would stay.
Others were left with hopeless desperation
To search for their beloved in vain –
To pierce the water with tear-filled eyes,
Breathless - aching to see them again.
Some souls rose up to the Heavens –
Their bodies ne’er to be found,
Or make it back to their loved ones –
They found the Highest of “Higher Ground."
Some made the journey all the way
Up to the “Angel of the Hill” –
Others joined a “Band of Brothers”,
And prayed ‘til all was still.
Each days begins in innocence
Just as the day one night before,
Rejoice in case it is your last –
Live - Love - and Pray, all the more!
One day you may be one of the “Some”
Or perhaps one of the “Others” –
One day your life could be held
In the hands of an Unknown Brother.

I see through my minds eye,
A grown man thet doe's nothing but cry.
He sits in the corner of his unhappy home,
And collects his thoughts all alone.
Destroying himself with his own tears,
From all of his unhappy years.
He looks in his mirror just to see,
And whats staring back is misery.
A life of mistrust and pain,
Being belittled and put to shame.
On his mind is a heavy load that he bares,
The weight is tremendous,don't no anymore if he cares.
Crying for help but no one hears,
So he drowns in his very own tears.

I never meant to make conversation
Each and every time I saw you
I never meant to laugh a little too loudly
At your jokes, even when they weren’t so funny
I never meant to find a way
To be in your presence every chance I could
I never meant for you to kiss me
The way you did, the way I did back
I never meant for us to be alone
Saying, touching, feeling, doing
I never meant to fall in love
With everything I’ve ever wanted
I never meant to feel so alive
Becoming all you saw in me
I never meant to show you parts
Of yourself you never knew existed
I never meant to show you my weakness
And fall apart time and time again
I never meant to jeopardize everything
By becoming less of who you saw I could be
I never meant to take your heart
Hold it in my hand, feeling the life pour out of it
I never meant discard it
As I walked away with no explanation
I never meant to feel so helpless
Weakness becoming all I knew
I never meant to be less than you expected
But I never meant to
Say
Goodbye

Been through a lot these seventeen years of living,
Growing up with abuse in my home,
Wanting to leave and flee,
But afraid I was going to leave and be on my own,
Wishing someone would rescue me and my family from the hurt,
The hurt we faced many times seeing the one you love the most being abused,
Abused many days and many nights,
Wondering why,
The answer was because he was the only one in charge,
Almost Seven and these things were still happening,
Wow wonder why they happened to my life,
Don't know why God let me see the hurt,
Did he know I would face the hurt forever?
My family finally had a chance to get away from the hurt and the abuse,
We found a house and much more,
We were a happy family,
A family that will one day be the best of the best,
Thank you jesus for letting us go through the hurt to get a better life that we deserve!

Why bother trying, You watch yourself dying, Crying out to God asking for advice, Help me find away to rejoice, Speak up and feel the noise, Only in away that He knows, And you cant explain, To Save you and take away the pain, You open your eyes and see the world is spinning, Trying to figure when am I gonna start winning, Sitting in a corner and your losing, Thinking why am I on this path that I'm choosing, You make one last cry for help?, But no ones around to answer......
Demons surround you, Nowhere to run, You look to the ground and you pick up that gun, Raise it to your head, But you can't pull the trigger, You place it out in front and start to fire, Thinking the bullets wont hit them and you don't believe they will only to call God a liar, Seeking away out, Time running short you scream and shout, Demons closing in stronger and awaiting a final attack, You stand your ground and try to fight back, But like a diamond in the rough, It Wasn't Enough......
Struggling to find peace within, You ask God to forgive you of your sins, Only to figure out its you, you can't forgive, Tension rises once again, You wonder is this the end? Fighting to survive with all your might, Suddenly day turns to night, Demons coming upon you, Your mind in fear you dont know what to do, You seek out a voice, Your ears filled with noise, Your eyes pin out Demons in all directions, Inching and inching ever so closely, You make one last cry for help, But no ones around to answer......
Once again the Demons surround you making escape a mere impossibility, You fall to your knee's and pray, Talking to God saying all you can say, You open your eyes and see a blinding light, Thus its the hand of God giving you the strength to stand up and fight, A war that lasted nearly a decade is coming to a close as it seems, But your still in question with those nightmarish dreams, The dreams bring you down but you try to stay tough, In the end, It Wasn't Enough......

Satan Told Me That No One Loves Me!
I heard the devil whisper into my ear…
“No one loves you!” “Come over here!”
In front of me, where temptations of various kinds...
It was almost overwhelming for my mind!
He promised “love.” And much more!
I had no idea of what was in his “store!”
I asked Jesus to help the way I was livin.’
I needed his love, and HIS power of forgivin.’!
Would I trade all of this, for a life of deceit and lies?
Being “trapped” by what was,
Shown to my eyes?
Was I going to trade what God gave,
for a ”pleasure of the moment?”
Was I about to make a mockery of Christ’ atonement?
I ran, and bowed my head and cried…
For a brief moment, I felt rejected and despised!
I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence all around me!
Iit was like the love of Jesus had filled me!
This time, I knew that what I had, was all I needed!
With Christ in my life, I no longer have to be defeated!
Satan is a liar! He has one purpose and goal!
He wants nothing more, than to destroy my soul!
Take notice Satan! This is what I proclaim!
Everything I’ll ever need! I have in Jesus’ name!
The blessings from Jesus, has supplied my every need!
It’s an everlasting and abundant love, that I received!
Thank you Jesus! For giving what I need and more!
You are truly wonderful!
And are worth living for!
By Jim Pemberton

Gentle, mild, and meek.
Human-strong and weak.
A mask to hide away the pain.
Hard to live with shame.
Good person, good friend.
A ? mark; never seen through to the end.
Chivalry is dead and so is the “good
Samaritan” act.
In this world today, it’s a true, proven fact.
Humble; a little pride, determination is my drive.
If I want things to get better for me,
hope burns on the inside.
Reserved and I move at my own pace.
Steady and slow, less consequences to face.
This is my life; pathetic as it is.
It’s the only one I have; not urs, theirs, hers or his.
I know who I am.
I have too much respect for myself and body; forever condemned.
So if u ask me,
“Who are u and what I am?
I’ll smile and say,
“For I am Poetry!”
Profound, misunderstood, and a lifelong mystery.

Speaking That Which Is Wholesome and Good…
You must be careful to speak that
which is good and wholesome.
Speaking like this will minister to others..
In a way that will "bless them!"
May the words that are chosen,
be used for edification…
May they be said in a manner
of a Godly dedication!
As you speak… May you minister
grace to the listener.
Brining healing in the words spoken
to your brother and sister!
The words of kindness and love…
May we all freely give it.
And not quench the work
of the Holy Spirit!
As we are sealed by God
on the day of redemption.
We’re called to be HIS example.
There’s no exemption!
May all bitterness, wrath and anger
immediately diminish.
So our spiritual lives can
be daily replenished!
Be kind toward one another,
gracious and tenderhearted…
So the goodness of God… Through you…
Can be started!
As you forgive other… As Christ has forgiven you…
May we not forget HIS words:
“I LOVE YOU!”
The power and grace of God is
what he’s anxiously revealing.
As you apply HIS words with
a purpose and meaning!
By Jim Pemberton
Read Ephesians 4:29-32

UNSUPPORTED CODE A Brother Who Let His Brother Fall...
I knew of a Christian, who let his brother fall.
He didn't reach out to help him at all...
When his brother needed someone, he wasn't there.
He said, "why should I bother him, or even care?"
It was almost like he wished for the worst to take place.
I could see him even wear a smile on his face!
"Why should I lift a hand to help?" were the words said.
It was like he wished his brother was "better off" dead.
The anger I felt inside of me, was difficult to express!
How can he neglect his brother, and expect to be blessed?
Why does he call himself a "Christian?"
He doesn't show it!
When it comes to love and forgiveness...
He doesn't even know it!
What did Christ mean, when he said "love one another?"
Doesn't this include everyone? Including our brother?
What do we expect from God? What would he say?
"You can't forgive your brother?" "Go away!"
If we can't freely share the love God has given...
How in the world, do we expect to be forgiven?
The love of Christ must completely change us within!
So we can experience what it means to be BORN AGAIN!
Christ has given to us his love!
Nothing can compare it!
May we all receive this love, and freely share it!
By Jim Pemberton

David and Goliath
When David heard Goliath bring
God’s name disgrace.
He wondered if any man would
challenge him, face to face.
All the men in Israel were scared,
and not this brave.
For if they lost, they’d be
the Philistines’ slave.
King Saul wondered if anyone
would challenge this man.
David accepted—knowing
this was God’s land.
With a small stone he
chose from a river bed,
He faced Goliath, with God placing
the stone into his head.
Perhaps there’s a GIANT in your
life that’s causing you fits.
Your trust must be in Jesus.
This--you must admit.
Lust, anger, pride—
whatever your giant might be.
Defeating this giant, with God’s help,
will bring you the victory!
By Jim Pemberton

Nobody knows I miss you,
They think i feel set free,
but I feel like bound with chains,
Trapped in the mystery.
Nobody knows Its empty,
The smile that I wear,
The real one is left in the past,
because you left me there.
Nobody knows I am crying,
they wont even see my tear.
When they think that I am laughing,
I still wishing you were here.
Nobody knows Its painful,
They think that I am strong.
They say this won't kill me,
But I wonder if they were wrong.
Nobody knows I'm praying,
That he will change his mind.
They think that I had let you go,
WHEN YOU LEFT ME THERE

So I'll be on my way with you close to my heart
and the foolish mistakes knowing that you were
never gonna come around to feel this growing love
because you was never trying to come
closer always far apart trying to
fix what i mess up at looking back at all
of my down falls and hurtful lies that play
a big part in our lies show every new in prove to
you just so i can get my loving lover back into my
nest of mother love
quite divined our love and distance yourself
from me and exhale the air as one

Alone
Unaccompanied, Unsocial
Lonely and Unique
These are emotions
I do not seek
Discontent
Disgruntled, Dissatisfied
Ill-affected and Restless
One more emotion
That remains to exist
Fear
Concern, Dread
Reverence and Fright
Something I feel
Almost every night
Forfeit
Forgo, Give up
Sacrificed and Lost
These emotions must end
At any cost
Ashamed
Disgraced, Dishonered
Embarrassed And Mortified
I often want to run
Run away and die
Delirious
Frantic, Ill
Mad and Sick
The wall around me
Getting thick
Block
Barricade, Forget
Immobiize and Freeze
Who needs to live
With Emotions like these

So long,
So long has been his refrain
From sinful wrong,
Still his righteous paragons, now besieged in bane,
Are seemingly unable to fuel this honest man’s motionless train
His hands - only too close to the nearest chain.
So futile,
So futile has been his valorous voyage
Traversing many a mile,
That never has any laurel graced his life’s dreary pages
Never has any triumph adorned the gates of this sage,
His chest only just holds the overflowing rage.
So patent is his spirit, irrefutable is his belief
In his Lord, of whom he claims to be the son
That the most incorrigible devotees of God
May even question the existence of one.
Forlorn,
So forlorn has been his path
That hopes have met scorn
Still the heart of this godforsaken loner tames its fuming wrath
For he won’t let the sun set on his yacht
Which he will station only on the steps of reward.
So long,
For so long have his efforts yielded unjustifiable distress
That his aching eyes long,
That his jaded body pleads for success
The taste of which has eluded the drying lips of his quest
But so long, so long is the road before he rests…

When I Needed Someone… You Weren’t There!
When I needed someone the most.
You wouldn’t listen.
You said; “There’s too many things in life
I don’t want to be missin.’”
When I knocked on your door.
And asked you to pray…
You said; “don’t bother me!” “Just go away!”
When I was going through a hard time.
I called your home.
You really got upset. And hung up the phone!
When I was at a very low point
of much discouragement.
Not once… Did you offer any
kind of encouragement!
I’ve thought about everything that has been said.
At times, I wonder if I “was better off dead.”
It’s almost like you wish “I wasn’t there at all.”
You never talk to me. Or give a call.
Should I attempt to call on the same
Jesus, you claim to know?
Would he listen to me…
Or simply tell me to GO???
If I make an attempt to call on his name…
Would he get upset like you? And complain?
What do you suggest that I do?
Especially that I don’t really have
anyone else to turn to…
Will Jesus turn his back on me… The way you did?
Without any hope or meaning… I have no reason to live.
I think I’m going to take the time,
and ask Jesus to come in…
Perhaps this is the way that
I can really find a FRIEND!
By Jim Pemberton 11/03/11

No one does it better than I.
Be they outgoing or a touch shy.
And to sit and think about it now,
And I tend to really wonder how
I got in the business of stealing hearts.
Whispers of a life draw them in.
Sweet smiles and laughter keep them pinned.
And in an instant, I think we could be.
And then I remember we're dealing with me.
Trapping souls forever is a tricky art.
I've never set out to hurt a soul,
But when I leave, they're never whole.
And I sulk for two or three.
And then I move, 'cause I'm me.
In the end, I break them apart.
Falling in love is never my plan.
But then again, such a dashing man.
And I guess I have a charming way.
And I guess I make them want to stay.
Is there ever an end to what I start?
I've never asked for all these hearts.
I was searching for the missing parts.
And then I wake up one day and see.
And then realize it's not meant to be.
When composing love, I'm your Mozart.
I'll come into your life, and make you fall.
I'll take your heart, I'll take it all.

Look child I'm done, this is enough
Why are you still interested in what I am doing
I'm flattered by your concern but I'm sorry
We are not friends, nor are you worth enough to be considered an enemy
Go away live your life stop bothering me
There is no war here, no fight to be won
I am a Goddess, a Woman, wholly me
Still you play at your childish games
As if the police would ever believe your lies
The truth prevailed with only a nights disruption
Cut your losses and move on like a good little grown-up
Your insecurities have brought you down and held you back
No way shall I allow you to strip my spirit with your ugly words
You sit in your house behind the closed doors of your mind
And claim my soul is ugly, while it is you and your kind that
Judge and condemn in an attempt to oppress those whom
Oppose your way of thinking and the cruelness of your souls
I do not fear you. You are a child throwing nothing more than a temper tantrum
" Mommy mommy pay attention to me, I am angry"
Your pathetic life has pigeon-holed your womans soul and all you have left is
Anger, so your contempt for me is understandable. I am free
Unbound by the chains of dispair and fear
I cannot say I feel sorry for you, You do not deserve my pity
I have moved on from you without a moments hesitation
The black hole of your soul shall not consume me
I wish I could say I miss being your friend
But I can't. Truth is, it was all too easy to say goodbye to
Your crude humor, your promiscuity and the ever-present
Knife ready to stab the backs of those you "love"
You were right about one thing I will never be you
I will never shun those who care or turn my back on those in need
Nor will my soul ever be as black as yours
Still it is my sincere hope that you can save yourself
From the hells you have created
Grow up little girl stop your foolishness
Do not reply, no one wants to hear the ramblings of
A barely literate girl in a womans body attempting
To condemn the soul of a Goddess. You will only succeed
In making yourself look weaker and if possible even more stuck-up
Stick to what you're good at like consuming the love around you and turning it to hate.

It feels like a dream
Though I am hurt, within
I have lost your touch
Yet, I miss you so much
I feel like crying
Here I am, begging
You refused to stay
Instead, you walked away
Now came the day
I had to stay, away
We are torn apart
Still, you have my heart

Far away in a little town tucked in the corner of a map
Lives the girl who ruined his heart
And broke his life
While with him she would smile and laugh so sweet
Tender as only she could be
In his heart she lit even the corners so deep
With time she became his definition of life
In all he did he had her in mind
Life wasn’t life without him seeing her smile
As moments grew into weeks
The flower of his heart started to reveal its wilt
In her eyes no longer was the sparkle he was used to seeing
Winds carried awful odour of their disorder
Tales went round of her illicit exploits behind the counter
The man with the shop at the corner savoured all the honey she offered
At first he dismissed the whispers with laughter
But soon he discovered he was the only one on the other side of reality’s border
Yes indeed, another prince had taken over
Trouble was how sincerely he loved her
Problem was that even she had only love to offer
Issue was he hadn’t yet sold a dime of the books he authored

God Brought A Healing To My Troubled Mind…
I used to allow many thoughts to enter my mind.
There were good and bad ones...
Just about every kind.
My family thought I was being a “good Christian.”
I never did anything that raised “a suspicion.”
I went to church every week and did the “Sunday thing.”
I had no idea the kind of life my thoughts would bring.
I felt much “turmoil” of what was in my head.
“How much longer can I take this?”
Were the words I said.
As there were many bad thoughts
that seemed to “burn.”
Those around me didn’t know or were concerned.
I needed some help. And I needed it fast!
I didn’t know how much longer I would last!
With no friend to help.., I decided to pray.
This was my time with God! This was my day!
I cried out to God with a voice of confession;
“Dear Jesus rule over my mind and take possession!”
As I read God’s word... Philippians 4:8 was found.
Virtue and wholeness in my life needed to abound!
I asked and begged God to help me to obey it!
I gave my commitment to him. And not just “say it.”
A love for him as a friend was found and did bring.
His peace and love
“washed away” the evil things.
Christ restored my life and my mind was renewed.
He set me free! Now, I’m BRAND NEW!
Won’t you allow God to bring his love to your soul?
With him in your life...
All darkness will GO!
By Jim Pemberton

Missing past loves,
Can hurt you in so many ways,
But makes you compare,
Everyone to that one love.
Which can be good and bad,
In so many ways,
Because no one can compare to that one person,
But it can keep you from being in situations,
That you should not remain in or stay.
Some people are good,
And some are just out to hurt you,
However, you must take your time,
And judge carefully,
So you know who is true.
Yes, life has its ups and downs,
And you must take each time,
As a learning experience,
For if you do,
And listen to every noise,
That hits your ears,
You will hear those sounds are very important sounds!
Some are Cries of love, anger, hurt, and cries of pain,
But if you don't listen carefully,
And hear any of them,
Nothing will matter in your life,
And the most important thing in your life,
Will fly away like a dove.
Then it will be the same old road,
Over and over again,
And unless you change,
It will continue to repeat itself,
And you will put a wall up

I feel sorry for you
cupid had a grudge
and gave your love to me
he must have had a bad day
too many broken hearts
on the Richter scale
he woke up tired (hung over)
and sailed to Dallas
Oak cliff, to a little house
-top floor
snuck in quietly
disturbing the door
He heard your prayers
in empty rooms
he had a grudge
and made a chore of your love
soon he convinced and prodded you
- to
my place of negative space
empty and void, but charming
my face, kind
It’s a defensive smile
a mask to believe
for denial to deceive
not of malice or evil intent
but for love
someone bent
against my chest
under my arm
close consent to all I’m not
He had a grudge to do you harm
in empty rooms
but still with peace
some joy
-and now your love is turned out
unprotected
obese
I feel sorry for you
I wouldn’t even love myself
if I didn’t have to brush my teeth
and my son, my son.
He needs strength
so I fake what I can
steal the rest
yes -
He had a grudge
the evil fairy
but no one can stop the arrows thrust
when we love
we simply
must

Not
the dripping words from rotund cheeks
Or
the mesmerized audience in fashionable conferences
Not
the frantic letters pawned from sacred pages
Nor
the cowering force of conviction in hallowed institutes
Neither
the skewed statistics manufactured on swivelling chairs
Abi
omniscient,omnipresent hard-mini-traitors know me
Rather,
I am the brackish fluid in hunger gorged sockets
the menacing cloud in the orphans eyes
the rumblimg rage in growling bellies
the taut thread on diseased diaphragms
the bloodless taste of conquered cities
the shriek from stripped streets
the chaos from breadless tables and passionless beds
and the repugnant smell of decaying dreams
I AM POVERTY!

I’ve been alone and afraid of me,
Because I’ve been fighting a war,
A battle inside of me,
And every time I try to change my ways,
I fall along the way,
And every time I try to make me better,
My sins just become redder,
I’ve been a fool,
In so many ways,
And now there’s only one option,
A very primitive notion,
For me to get away from me,
To run away.

These cinders fall to the waters below,
I am lost, scared, alone,
She felt the urge to burn it and burn it she did,
And here I am… alone, alone.
As my heart pumps and lurches forth
I feel the calm – the urge, “Let go”
This Anniversary… alone, alone.
I confide a hero I could have been
But these ashes and charred remains
Only fall to the sea of brokenness and disappointment
The distance of this canyon only grows
And her green eyes disappear... she fades
“I love you i really do…” she claims from the arrow’s note
“sorry again” I falter… I crumble…
Alone…

A shame we meet here once again both looking to change the past
Its harder now then it was back then how long can it really last
we used to talk till the sun came up shared our fears and dreams
All our memories poured in a tea cup falling apart at the seems
You now me well my thoughts and soul my victorys and shame
but the years have taken there toll i know im to blame
i broke your heart a hundred times but never meant the pain
I should of seen all the signs but i was much to proud much to vein
every night we sit here like lovers yet we never say a thing
hide me beneath the covers i cant face the guilt your eyes bring
ill never leave you that is true your to much of me im to much of you
a better way i wish i knew you deserve so much more
are love is cold long since dead but still i stand on its tomb
all these regrets in myhead there barely any room
i dont know what the future holds but i know were ive been even thoe you dont love me ill
always love you as much as i did when you loved me way back when

I'm sorry
I'm sorry that I thought you cared
That your love was never really there.
I'm sorry that I let my heart
fall into your hands
I thought you would protect it.
I'm sorry that I let the words
'I love you,' slip from between my lips.
I'm sorry that I cared so much
So much so, that
I love you even when
you broke my heart.

We talk about the weather, about what we did today..
We talk about the kids, and the funny things they say
There are things that are never talked about, that are
screaming to be said
Some things are in my heart, and some are in my head.
You used to say I love you, I'd say I love you to
and how much you missed me, and the fun stuff we'd do
The many miles between us has frazzeled us to the core,
and feelings are strained, and not as strong as the may
have been before.
Time itself has made it's mark, it's taken a toll on us to,
That wouldn't be a bad thing, if I were still me, and you
were still you.
I want to walk with you and hold your hand, and say how
much I love you,
I want to kiss you on a crowded street, the way we used
to do.
I want to whisper in your ear, say things to you I've never
said,
cover your body in laverder, from your toes up to your head
I want to take your heart and wrap it up inside mine,
and keep them safe forever, until the end of time.

THE ARTIST
You touch the light that no one sees
and see winds whisper through the trees
deep in the night you think on these
few things, but everywhere.
You curse at life, the constant bore
but give it all you have and more
you're right on time but ask what for
when no one else is there?
You see the faces never shown
and bare the soul no one has known
but what you find are hearts of stone
who ask how could you dare?
You look too deep where no one goes
to feel the pain that on one shows
you know to where the west wind blows
when no one else would care.
You see each rain drop to the ground
and all night long you hear each sound
of mystery of what you've found
and hold them close and dear.
But you must hide these secrets of
what life's about, the pain, the love
and no one wants what's really there
though free--and everywhere.

His heart gave a leap of joy,
scrambling up over a wall of memories,
as the leaves quivered in front of him.
On Monday the children were playing at soldiers.
On Tuesday he was playing fast and loose with a girl's affections.
I forgot to give childhood to him and the coat sit badly across the shoulders.
A heart overflowing with gratitude,he was a good man,
came of a good family.
Thinking of grievous loss and bewailing, Jack Haley woke up.
Gale force winds and the boat of souls tossed about on the stormy sea,
a joke and a racking headache of a thousand why.
Silence reigned everywhere at 6.30 in the morning.
He is a law unto himself now as 5 dollars in his pocket suddenly
disappeared.
He never sold himself to the enemy and lights turned on.
He looked at his son with pride,fingered the tie of reputation,
stammered out a few words and then stopped.
Just stopped.

A capacious smile glows with shine;
as aqua green eyes become conjoined to mine;
Pearls guard ripe red lips; that gleam with wine.
hands take hold, hers in mine.
Souls grapple emotion;
gripping the moment;
encompassing the time that stands still in their minds;
the nature of pruriency reveals a passionate essence of taboo;
bodies manifest a physical disposition of lustful desire.
Tongues stalk skin softly;
whille hands explore new frontiers;
gaining intimate familiarity,
with a smooth, velvet terrain;
warm as a snow covered rose.
Emerald orbs gaze into blue skies;
exposing a labyrinth of lies;
there is a love she can not fake.
This is a chance I will not take.
I'm sorry.

Will I say: “I made a difference”?
Will I say: that I stood out?
Will I say: “I gave it my all, beyond the shadow of a doubt”?
When it is my time that comes, and when the end is near
Will I accept the outcome?
Will I have any fear?
I’ve made so many mistakes
My judgment’s not been right
I’ve burned so many bridges
But still, I see a light!
It seems like every time I want to close the door, there you are, you hold the key,
and I don’t know what for
You take me higher
You are the one
I know you hold the key
You take me higher
You are the one
What am I supposed to be?
I am here
You are there
I am here
You are there
You take me higher
You are the one
I know you hold the key
You take me higher
You are the one
What am I supposed to be?
Will I say: “I made a difference”?
Will I say: that I stood out?
Will I say: “I gave it my all, beyond the shadow of a doubt”?
When it is my time that comes, and when the end is near
Will I accept the outcome?
Will I have any fear?
I’ve made so many mistakes
My judgment’s not been right
I’ve burned so many bridges
But still, I see a light!
You take me higher
You are the one
I know you hold the key
You take me higher
You are the one
What am I supposed to be?

I was blinded to the autonomy
Of the actions committed in the time
Moonfall hesitated, and did not see
Malice in the eyes that were naught to be mine.
The crescent curves of a smile's sliver;
Indecision of skin, rancid and smooth;
Plush sentences congeal as I quiver;
Thoughts so careless, teeth dripping wir'y sooth.
My sight could not pierce nightfall-scathingly
Battened down were my mind and eyes, depraved
by sour medicine dreams filling me,
Unwillingly, with satire not staved.
The birr which I painted your portrait with
Disenchanted my world, a cause for death.

You were my delight my only child that I prayed for.
My joy overcrowded all thoughts from that day on
I burped you, changed your diapers, and watched you grow.
Take your first steps, I recall patting you to sleep,
Patting you, while you lay upon my chest, gently,
Listening to you fighting sleep, though ever so tired.
Remembering those times will be my epitaph always
Reading to you before you fell asleep each night,
You were more than my world; you were everything,
Then you were whisked away from my life so quick.
Lost I wondered within my mind, wanting, needing
Almost a decade of not knowing, not seeing you at all,
Missing the important years, my heart lost and faded.
My child was gone from my life, losing so very much.
Joy I felt upon that first day, I saw your eyes; I adored
You did come back though oh so distant from my life.
I was and always will be your daddy, loving forever.
Unconditionally, no matter what you do to anyone, or me
All my interests and endeavors are for your future and more.
Many things I was in failure to teach you through the years.
I was glorified beyond any blessings from children you bore.
I made mistakes I should have followed more closely at times.
Not wanting to intrude was my undoing, my ultimate crimes.
To me, part of life is making mistakes, learning, growing.
However, I failed to be there to help guide your travels.
My heart, soul, and mind gave all that I could within our time.
My homestead I gave, in love for you to grow stronger still.
However, I failed to promote the importance of its needs in depth.
Now I must prevent another failure, though you do not understand.
My boldness and refusal to your desires are for a better futures end.
Not to allow the return of a mistake in much anguish I attend.
To allow another to navigate the abode in current conditions,
Shall create more loss in one form or the other to no good ends,
My standing firm at this call is in the best interest to all indeed
My heartbreaks, my mind wallows in the failures of my past.
I must make a slight adjustment; though understand you do not.
Maybe in the future you will understand the strength I give.
These are some of my hardest days of life, for your daddy knows.
However, I must force the understanding of truth about life’s needs.
This is just one lesson I must teach before my end, This I know.

I'm sorry I was never the perfect daughter, the perfect sister, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect girlfriend, the perfect friend.
I tried my hardest to be what you wanted me to be but it was never enough.
I failed as a wife and a mother for letting things get so out of control when they did.
There's too many problems in my life, I'm full of baggage like some may say.
But I'm living my life one day at a time.
It may not be the life I want but I'm trying my hardest and making up for the past.
I've said my apoligizes.
I've made my mistakes.
I've burned the bridges and lit a candle.
I'm striving for that perfect life that seize to exist.
I know there's some one out there for me who can take me as I am.
But how long is it going to take?
It's been a year and I'm sorry but I've failed on finding a new daddy for my childern
A daddy they deserved.
A daddy that wouldn't do the things the last one did.
I'm sorry I've failed again maybe next year my childern and I will find THE ONE.
If he exist.
I just have to stop looking for him and let him find me.

Game over we both lose,
for now there are no winners.
Only broken familes with broken dreams,
on a lonely quest for love and happiness.
I who understood you best,
did not understand you enough.
You failed to let me totally in,
now we are just friends.
Nothing more or nothing less,
living dreams of happiness we held our breath.
Only to come seconds near our very death.
Now we are nothing more than mere memories.
In hope we made the choice that best.
As we acknowledge we failed the test.
We broke promises and hearts along the way.
As we promised ourselves forever to stay.
Together as one, not solo as two.
We now fill our own shoes.
As we begin to recover,
transitioning to friends from lovers.
The road was never easy,
but we fought the storms.
Only to be swept by the winds,
now we both loose hopefully as parents we win.
Raise our child unlike we were raised.
Help our daughter see better days.
Hope her realize she doesn't need a "nigga" but a man,
to help her pursue her happiness and understand.
I pray daily you'll see the light.
I just have no more will power to even fight.
I used up all of my might,
trying to help you appreciate and love life.
Maybe I'm wrong for giving up it all,
but when was right who fumbled the ball.
We will not talk as must as we use to talk,
but hopefully for our child we walk the walk.
I hope you undestand this was for the best.
Now I lay my pen to rest.
Whenever you need to cry I'll kend you my shoulder!
But for now!
GAMES OVER!

It is not that I love you less
When first my lines of heavenly Joyes
made mention
through regions farr divided
see with what simplicity
see! With what constant motion
Philosophers have measured mountains
Man, dreame no more of curious mysteries
Oh wearisome condition of humanity !
Oh might Nothing ! Unto thee
O Joyes ! Infinite sweetness! With what flowers
Must I then see, with what busie heart
Heare mee, O God!
Blasted with sighs, and surrounded with teares
Busie old fool , unruly sunne
Absent from thee I languish still
O sweet and bitter monuments of paine
Out upon it , I have lov'd
Sweet day , so cool , so calm , so bright
where do these voices stray
like to the falling of a starre
Poet and Saint ! To thee alone are given
A ward , and still in bonds, one day
All my past life is mine no more
How vainly men themselves amaze
dazel'd thus with height of place
Here lies wise and valiant dust.

This is my Last Chance for you.
This is my Last Chance to get to you.
This is my Last Chance to save you.
This is my Last Chance to die.
It started in a fire,
Where you were trapped.
I could only grab one thing,
And I couldn't go back.
So I grabbed you,
In a blink of an eye.
The house is fire,
Now it's time to say bye.
Oh Oh Oh,
This is my Last Chance.
If I don't take it I will lose you.
Oh Oh Oh.
This is my Last Chance to get you.
I would get to go back.
This is my Last Chance to get you.
You're the strength that I lack.

I apologize for being no LESS then myself. What was I thinking, wait maybe that’s the problem I
was thinking, there I go again using my MIND, my bad.
I’m sorry I took that other road, u know the one LESS traveled, I know I should have followed the
crowd but there I go again being an individual, it’s a habit.
The guilt from not giving in to peer pressure is getting to me, I hate my conscience I mean Why I
got to have morals? Don’t nobody else got them, and if they do they shoal ain't using them.
I hate being in the talented tenth, people expect me to do something with my life
I have an idea (don’t tell anybody, that’s not cool) maybe if we MINDed not having a MIND we
would spend more of our time growing instead of showing, that we are a photo copy of what is
cool, the truth is nobodies alike, I don’t even breathe like anyone else, when I walk I do this thing
where my head is held high it kind of resembles pride. there I go again being intellectual, forgive
me it won’t happen again.

Sorry cant take back destruction
Sorry can't take back the lies
Sorry cant take the knife out your heart
I murder your feelings and what we started
Guilt is what I feel when I look in your eyes
After all the lies, rumors,stories you still love me
My crime makes me look at myself different
I don't know can I be the same person
you were the victim and I'm the killer
Evertime I have sometime good I destroy it
I murder your trust,love,passion for me
It's killing me more inside
It's making me want to take my own life
because I destroyed someone's else.

Here i am
There you are
Where are we?
The static hurts my ears
The same through all these years
Everything has changed
But something is the same
How can i go on?
A heartless shell of i
Stolen by your light
The darkness' drawing nigh
Without you in my life
I would rather die
Here, it's now
Though i war against the present
And the hollow future
Ice age coming
Filled with sorrow and regret
Time is running out
Is it over yet?
On the spot
Now
I try to count the blessings that I've got
But your curse is haunting me
And i'm thankful for your ghost
What would i do without you?
How could i ever see?
If i have one regret
It's doing you wrong
Never should have left
I tried to make amends
Only my failure succeeds
I miss you so, old friend
I would die for you, again
I love you more than me
MAYbe you're right
In all the wrong ways
Or maybe it's me
Or maybe it's just life
But i cannot seem to see
The good that came from this
I know we've grown apart
But somehow
I know
We're still connected
maybe it's just something more than we can comprehend
maybe, someday, we both will understand
I will see you in the next life...

The light was green
I sat, clutching gear
the cars impatient
the color unclear
I’ve know such sad
thought, and fear
this is different
real and severe
When sadness evolves
alone, without haste
you no longer hide
tears without taste
proof that it’s come
Plateau to new ground
Sadness requires
no face and no crown
No person to know
see quivering chin
sadness matures
to sadness within
finally blossoms
reveals hidden space
colors uncertain
tears without taste

If you tell others that you are a follower of Christ,
In other words, you are a Christian,
That means you try to do all good,
But when you mess up, oh its nothing but a sin.
If you tell others that you are not anything,
Not even a follower of satan,
Then that means you do whatever you please,
And when you do wrong, oh its nothing but a sin.
Nothing but a sin... yeah right...
Don't you know that there is punishment,
Yeah that little mess up, has got you bound,
Sins are gifts from satan... only fun at that moment.
So the next time you feel the urge to sin,
Just remeber that it is only a door,
A door that leads to isolation and turmoil,
And a sin is really nothing more.
~ Ambrielle Witteborg ~

The innocent life's lost,
a mothers broken heart is the cost,
Parents loss there kids its a tragedy,
There is no remedy,
To fix the excruciating pain,
With no one to blame,
Life now for them can never be the same,
Its a shame,
Kids loss there life and aint even breathe yet,
Extortion the devil is morphing,
My soul is crying,
Babies never see the daylight,
A rude awaking for most,
That's a high toll,
To pay,
But some except the cost others beg never to feel,
that pain that might drive them to insane,
taking a life or losing your paying,
I meant to say you need to be praying,
Because another mothers love your delaying,
You doctors that hold the tools,
Are complete and utter fools,
But you moms losing your kids,
I'm sorry for the pain that comes along with,
I never wish that agonizing pain on anyone,
And only hope you stay strong,
Don't fall

Your perfect in almost every since
A demeanor that warms my heart
It would please me to end up with you
The problem is I just wont start
Wanting to let you in
But my feelings cause a blockage
Half of me says yes half of me says no
My hearts just being cautious
Scared of putting in too much
Just to return and see nothing
Knowing that you cant wait, I try to debate
And hopefully come up with something
Though you are very different
It’s all the same I’m fearing
Accepting you and loving you
Then you disappearing
Wish I could believe what you say
But there are little value in words
And peoples action don’t match what they say
So it contradicts the things you’ve heard
Confused with all my thoughts
That interfere with what I feel
The past affects me so much
It seems hard to find the will
To open up a closed door
Not knowing what lies a wait
So I keep that same door shut
So that my feelings wont escape
Chopped up and butchered like before
Highly elevated off the ground
I refuse to get back up that high
Just to be let down
Though our feelings are mutual
And together we are bliss
I hate when things happen twice
So don’t know if I want to take that Cautious Risk

“Mom…. I’m Pregnant!”
From the time I held my baby
in my arms…
I made a vow to “protect her from all harm.”
She was indeed a wonderful bundle of joy…
And during her life, has been a gift for us to enjoy.
She's been the focus of much of our attention,
Trying to provide for her
“timely” correction.
As a father, many thoughts entered my mind…
I wanted to be attentive to her,
patient and kind.
As she's gone through
her teenage years…
I thought of what perhaps is a parent’s #1 “fear.”
Then one day... “Mom I’m pregnant” were spoken...
At first, my heart was sad and “broken.”
“I didn’t raise her to be “crazy and wild…”
“How could this happen to a wonderful child?”
I realized that in spite of everything
parent’s will do.
There’s no telling what their
children will put them through.
I gave her a hug and all of the
support I could give…
Everything she’s been through…
God will forgive!
With all that has happened in her life…
One day she’ll make someone a wonderful wife!
Dear Lord, please help my daugher to see...
How precious she is to her mother and me!
Entered in the contest; "Mom I'm Pregnant!"
Sponsored by Gwendolen Rix
Key findings
National levels and trends
• In 2006, 750,000 women younger than 20 became pregnant. The pregnancy rate
was 71.5 pregnancies per 1,000 women aged 15–19.

Lord... For too long,
I've been playing "games."
Struggling with a heavy load
and a lot of pains.
My family and friends thought
I was living so good.
But during all of this time
they never understood.
So many people close to me,
didn't even know.
That for so much of my life,
I've been putting on a "show."
So many of the Christians,
that I meet all around.
Don't know of the struggles,
when things are getting me "down."
I'm sick of this way of living
that I have had.
If YOU will help me change.
I'll be so glad!
It's you Jesus... I'll never
be able to fool.
Over everything in my life...
You must reign and rule!
I'll be so happy for giving me
a new chance to begin.
By accepting God's grace
and being changed within!
Time for playing games is over!.
Today is a new start!
Because of Jesus... I have a new
life and a new heart!
By Jim Pemberton
2008

If Only I Had Known
What trouble you were bearing,
But how could I,You just didn’t feel
you should be sharing.
If Only I Had Known
That you had become so sad,
I would of done all I could
To help you not feel so bad.
If Only I Had Known
I would have brought my warmth within your space,
I would have been gentle and caring
And would have left happiness in my place.
If Only I Had Known
I would have slipped my hand within your hand,
And would have giving thanks For the time together,
As we walked across the land.
If Only I Had Known
I would have wanted to help make the hurt go away,
To help you be more at peace for,
the rest of you stay.
If Only I Had Known
As you walked out the door,
That my Dear Friend would
not be here forever more.
If Only I Had Known
That when you said Good-Bye,
Only you knew then,
You were about to die.
If Only I Had Known
Even though you thought it best
To spare me the early pain,
It now takes all I’ve got just to keep myself sane.
If Only YOU Had Known
My Dear, Dear Friend,
That if you had told me,
I would have been there for you,
From Beginning To End.
Randy Laird

Sweet colors of skys will die
Little girl close your eyes and you will fly
Candy drops of tears will fall
Holding onto promises that no longer excist
Dreams of a dream that happiness is real
Mamma see's your sad eyes, wondering what took the glitter away
Wishing out the fire on the last candle
Wishing to see a new night
Pink,blue,yellow,green balloons I hold
Watching them slip through my fingers forever
Feeling the pain break you apart inside
Believing that the pain is the only memory
Dont let the burning of sunder mark you
A drip of strawberry poison will weaken the pain
Hush Hush the lip's of memory's
And dance till the sun bleed's the last drop

There was a woman caught in an adulterous act.
Her accusers came after her with all of the “facts…”
She came to Jesus. .. With a heart-felt plea.
“Master….” “Have mercy on someone like me!”
Jesus looked at her as she wept and cried.
So many other things she had already tried.
Coming to Jesus… She felt scared and alone…
Jesus told her accusers; “You without sin.”
“Throw the first stone.”
One by one… They dropped the stones and fled.
Rather than face the truth…
They ran away instead…
Jesus told the woman; “Your forgiven.”
“Go and sin no more…”
She was the meaning of what
God’s grace was meant for.
If you’re caught in a situation,
with “no way out…”
This is what the meaning
of salvation is all about!
Any “accusers” you may have,
will quickly run and hide.
When to Jesus you come…
And have him “on your side…”
Allow the master to cleanse your life this very hour…
And experience the love of his life-changing power!
He’ll take you in with his arms wide open.
“You’re forgiven!” Will be the lovely words spoken!
Be “caught up” in the savior’s
redeeming grace…
He’ll give you hope and put a smile
on your face!
By Jim Pemberton 03/04/11

In the beginining,
There was a girl.
She was on a rollar coaster.
She saw her crush.
He ignored her.
He thought she was annoying.
He thought she was petiful.
Little did he know,
She would die that day.
Here's her story.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Little, little girl,
No cares in the world.
Bruises on her face,
Crazy on her trace.
Little, little girl,
Little, little crush.
Little, little love,
Little, little to much.
Only on a rollar coaster,
Would she believe,
She was air.
Carelessness filled her head,
Little, little so much dread.
The boy she liked,
Walking around with so much might,
Little, little did he know that she would die.
Little, big circle coming up,
She was on bottom the cart on top.
Watching the cart fallin',
He didn't know she was calling,
His name.
Heaven reached to her,
But she kept herself on earth,
Until she could see him again.
Only on a rollar coaster,
Would she believe,
She was air.
Carelessness filled her head,
Little, little so much dread.
The boy she liked,
Walking around with so much might,
Little, little did he know that she would die.
Tell him, tell him how you feel,
Little did you know it would feel so real.
Now that she was dead he started thinkin',
Was she crazy or was she worth loving?
Only on a rollar coaster,
Would she believe,
She was air.
Carelessness filled her head,
Little, little so much dread.
The boy she liked,
Walking around with so much might,
Little, little did he know that she would die.
Now she's going to heaven,
So many things she hasn't done.
She sees the door and,
Remembers her amore.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------
Later that night,
After he saw her die,
He commited suicide.
His parents found a note from him.
"I saw her die,
I love her,
I am going to be with her.
I'm sorry"
He didn't go to heaven,
Neither did she,
They are both stuck in limbo,
At least they have each other.

Dear Gloria,
I’m writing in the hope that you are well
and that your little munchkins
have all their known limbs in-tact,
as now I’m sure their father’s head is just
bubbling,
how lush it must be to live in you
lush lush lush
your husband, whom by the
way I haven’t seen in a while,
pinch his bottom for me with your eyes
as I do at dinner parties, painting your house a
sweet thick syrup of red, must be proud
proud proud proud.
I hear your washing machine is on the blink again,
call a man out- I always did.
You must think me crazy.
For I did get the letter, you’re so sorry in, and must
be so sorry you sent, regarding your ****ing of
my husband
I’ll now be sure to trade him in for a newer model,
Thank You.

All my bags are packed,
I'm standing at your door,
I don't want to go back,
I'm looking for more.
All my bags are packed,
I'm standing at the gates of pearl,
I don't want to go back,
I want the Lord to say I'm his girl.
All my bags are packed,
I'm waiting on God to open the gate,
I don't want to go back,
And lead me by the hand by eight.
All my bags are packed,
I love you but I'm not scared anymore,
I don't want to go back,
Oh please let me go forevermore.
All my bags are packed,
Don't want to feel so alone,
I don't want to go back,
God is calling me to his home.
All my bags are packed,
I'm leaving this place,
I don't want to go back,
I want to feel God's warm embrace.
All my bags are packed,
On Earth I feel so sad,
I don't want to go back,
On Heaven I'm very glad.

Santa, please write a letter to my mama for me.
Make it short and sweet, like the honey in her tea.
Could you tell her that I love her in the letter, and
Sir,
tell her I appreciate all she does to make my life
better...
Santa, please, would you write my mama a letter?
Tell her I am sorry for every tear I made fall from
her eyes.
Tell her that I am sorry for those awful pack of
lies...the ones she said nearly broke her heart...
Tell her I never thought I could also hurt from
the pain I brought to her life,
because of me, she said she had failed as a
mother and a wife...
But it is no so, tell her so she will know it wasn't
her fault pop up and left one Christmas morning,
long before the sun had come up...
Santa, he took your cookies and milk,
leaving a note saying that his cup
had just run over and over...
Santa, in the letter for my mama, please
tell her that I had to leave but I'll be back
some day,
but right now it is best if I just go away...
Time to grow up and stand on my own,
tell her I know God will be with her and
She won't be alone.
I pray God will continue to bless her and hold her
in his loving care,
I left you some more milk and cookies Santa,
In the living room, when you get there.
I am no longer angry because you didn't come
when I was a little child,
You and my pop have been gone for a long,
long while.
Now Santa, my mama's house is at the end
of the road,
with one lone candle in the window upstairs,
so when my pop comes back, he'll know that she still cares.
Santa, please write my mama a letter and
tell her its from the one she said she'd love
forever and ever,
No matter what!
Signed your friend, who now sees the light.
P.S. Santa, would you please tie the letter to my mama, with a big red bow and seal it with a kiss from the kid you forgot one Christmas, long ago.

Why Do We Take Christ Out of Christmas?
Christmas is the only holiday we often don’t call by name.
We often forget about the true reason that Christ came.
It’s the only holiday that we often call “a holiday.”
It’s true meaning, is often, taken away!
It’s more than the tree and all of the glittering lights…
It’s time to think about the Bethlehem star so bright!
It’s more than going shopping at the malls…
More than, “Jingle Bells,” or “Deck the Halls!”
It’s more than seeing how many people we can buy for.
Or that clearance sale,
you’re willing “to die for!”
It’s more than buying the “newest in entertainment.”
Or receiving a gift that may
“cause an embarrassment.”
Beyond all of the presents and all we truly believe in.
Let’s all come to Christ Jesus and receive him!
Let’s think about his birth, and his
death on the cross!
Without HIM… The true meaning of Christmas is lost!
He brings the hope, joy and cheer that’s needed!
Won’t you listen to his voice? That often goes unheeded?
Christ is what’s important! And shouldn’t be left out!
He’s what matters! And is what
Christmas is all about!
Let’s be joyful! It was for all of us that he came!
And take this time to bring honor and glory to his name!
By Jim Pemberton

I didn't know how good I had it,
until I lost all that I owned.
I lost my famly, all of my cars
and even my home.
I tried to live a life according
to a "good principle."
I let pride get in the way and
felt rather "invincible."
I once had money, wealth and a lot of fame.
It seemed like everyone around
me all knew my name.
I feel empty now... afraid....
and "at my wit's end."
Everyone. it seems, has left me.
Even my "close friend.
Jesus... You're the one I know
that I can call upon.
You make things "right"
when all seems "wrong."
What you can give to me,
money could never buy.
I humbly kneel before you Lord,
with a desperate cry.
PLease help me dear Jesus.
I know that you can.
I read in your word that you are;
"I AM that I AM!"
In YOU... Jesus... can I
find life's meaning.
Your life for mine, is what I'm now receiving.
You're my best friend whom
I love so much.
I long for your mercy and peace...
your "special touch."
You alone can bring true joy that
fortune could never give.
You brought me hope and peace
and a reason to live!
By Jim Pemberton
2007

Confusion rakes away at my brain
I don’t want to face this life…this pain
Yet I can’t leave behind those many others
Living life and love till it smothers
No one feels quite the same
In a shining sun, or a pouring rain
No one feels it’s quite enough
Life right now’s just too tough
Love is just a word, not a life-changer
But the concept of it is to me but a stranger
Words seem to lift and sink the souls of everyone
But in reality, this concept of souls relates to no one
I’m so confused, it aches…it picks
Loving in opposite directions makes me sick
Why can’t we all sail the same way?
Why can’t the current and the winds stop today?
I’m sorry I fail to understand you
I’m sorry for this rainbow in many shades of blue
Out in the distance in doubles and crosses
Dripping out tears in the rusty faucets
The hues of color are full of doubt
Skeletons in the closet are crawling out
Because for a short time I made your day
But in reality…I took all your GOOD days away

I had lost you in my head, n day by day went without u,
I had it all n to myself, big, and all of the above, I was living a
Dangrous life but thts wht I wanted.
On my knees n looking at the grass a glock in the back of my
head n the guy behind the gun, willing
To do whatever it took to be the best, "ur time is up, u knw how
it is right just is wht it is",
"No!!!!!" One of the biggest n loudest with a echo scream I
heared, my mom, scared the guy n shoot me in the back, right
lung my mother hold me in her arms 30 mins waiting for the
ambulance, i was in n out hearing her talking to me praying n
asking for help words bearly would come out,
"It's time to clear things out n get things out of the way with
god, he'll judge if i stay or go with him, please mom stop crying
for me."
One full month in the hospital critical conditions only woke up
5 times n always she was there no matter wht she wanted to be
there.
"You don't learn do you?" My mom said laying on the sofa
"I'll be back, have to take care of one thing" I replied
"We all have a mother just keep tht in mind".
On ur knees, u got anything to say? As I had a glock in the back
of the head of the one who shoot me.
"I should of killed u n now its my lost." He told me
"U have a mother?" I asked
"Screw u." He replied
" go to ur mother n thnk her because of her ill let u live."
Mother asleep with a tear, kissed her forhead.
I couldn't do it becuase i don't want a mother to suffer wht my
mother passed through.

Are You Holding Back?
Are you holding back the Love
that Christ gave to you?
Are you treating others the
way HE would want you to?
What message of the cross
to others do you proclaim?
Is it one of humility and honor to Jesus’ name?
Is there someone whom you’ve
withheld Christ’ love today?
You avoid this person, and
choose to “go the other way…”
The Spirit of God has been
tugging at your heart…
This is where the essence of Christianity really starts!
All of our sorrow, pain and sin…
Christ bore on the cross.
Without him... Every one of us
would certainly be lost!
So many times we tend to play these “games.”
“Choosing” whom we’ll love and “avoid.”
We know their names…
While reading 1 Corinthians chapter 13…
Does this scripture really mean “anything?”
If it did… We’d be more careful how we live.
And learn the power there is in the words; “I forgive!”
If this message has lost it’s
meaning in your daily walk.
Then you and Jesus really need to talk!
Total surrender to him and forgiveness is the key!
In being his true follower… And set free!
Bring everything to the cross
and lay it at Jesus’ feet.
And experience a life of victory…. And not defeat!
By Jim Pemberton 01/08/10

Fools dance among the moon lit harvest,
Celebrating dusk and all its artificial glories,
While speaking of their tainted loves,
They become motivated by unoriginal stories,
But only light can kill these storms,
And only love can make their blood warm,
They laugh and boast on what they see
When it is better to talk of what is unseen.
For surly there’s a day that’s coming,
When all cheap talk will keep men running.
Ignorance keeps all of them blind
Tears and screams are heard once left behind.
Remembering the ones they can no longer find,
Even though they were giving many warning signs.
They chose a path much broader than the divines
For folly’s darkness turned out to be unkind.
Unkind unkind with no time to rewind,
The fool finds himself left behind.
By: sabina Nicole

In this life I walk alone,
Along a path that is hardly known.
Against the world, against my fears,
Fighting nothing but hopes and tears.
Here I find a lonely rose,
It cries so softly that nobody knows.
I hold it tight so thorns pierce through,
Dripping down is blood so blue.
I continue on my path so grey,
Into the darkness of vast array.
A voice so lonely it will never be heard,
A life so worthless it should just be interred.

Just to think you will be gone
and i will be here to stay strong
scares me to death and makes me cry
although you will be watching in the skies
i will be praying everyday that goes by
say hello to Timmy and bobby
we have all missed them down here real badly
Tell god he should have waited
to let you grow older and not miss everything
like the birth of your grand son glen jr
Remember when you go up to the place in the sky
that we will miss you everyday that goes by
and when you hug Timmy and everybody up there
make sure to fill them in about everybody down here
If its not to much to ask just give us a sign
that you have made it up to that place in the sky
and that you have seen the man who takes everyone's life
Just try to let us know everything is alright
it seems so wrong but just hold on
our tears that you see coming down our cheeks
just is our feelings that we held in so deep
but time is haulting and the rain is falling
because when you are gone
time and life will all come to a stop
but we will take a deep breath
and soon we will all live on
because we know your an angel flying high
to that place in the sky

I went back to bed
When the tears were dry
You didn't need to know
That I had just cried
I laid down beside you
On the far side of the bed
But after a moment
I had to cover my head
The tears were still coming
They just wouldn't cease
I tried to stifle the sounds
And I tried to keep the peace
You ask me what is wrong
And I replied to you
'I've never cried so much before
And it's all because of you'
You took me in your arms
And held me so very tight
You kissed my lips gently
And said 'Everythings alright'
My tears were still flowing
They never seem to end
'I don't know if I can handle this,
I want you more than just a friend'
You said you didn't know
How intensely I cared for you
Theres no way you could tell
I kept it hidden from view
I finally gained control
The tears seemed to dry up
I got up an light a smoke
I just needed to sit up
I finished my cigarette quietly
I thought I had gained control
The hush between us deafening
The silence almost whole
You pulled me down beside you
And again held me in your arms
I started tearing up once more
I love the way you charmed
You felt the wetness on my cheek
And kissed my tears as they fall
Holding me so close to you
That... I'll always recall
Things got a little heavy
And was leading up to more
I started crying all over again
As you started to explore
Again you noticed my tears
And again held me in your arms
I loved the way that I felt safe
And in no danger of harm
That night to me, was beautiful
It could have come from a dream
I will keep that memory forever
And forever it will gleam

Opening up was the best thing I could have ever did
All those things that made me & embarrassed me as a kid
You never looked at me different because my past was shameful
Talked to you about some of the things in my life that we’re still painful
I am human, filled with emotions and lots of anger
Hate filled my heart to the point I wanted to lock it in a chamber
How I feel is as real and emotional as it gets
Stress consumed me for years, felt like I needed a cigarette
Needless to say the battle has been done
I’m still standing and breathing so I must have won
The ultimate prize of keeping my sanity and myself free
Love the fact my past is so messed up… It really made me
You I give the ultimate credit for finding my inner voice
Felt like with you I have to write, it really leaves me no choice
I am a woman, blemished, flawed and tortured by life
Invisible wounds on my heart from being cut by life’s knife
But still I stand and hold my head up High
I only have one life and I refuse to give up and Die
I am woman, lover, and loyal friend till this life takes me away
I only wish I could have told you all the things I wanted to say
I understand that people are placed in life for all types of reasons
With you I guess it was only meant for a season
Learned a lot about myself with the help of you
You embraced me with ease and had no clue
Life had killed me, left me emotionally dead
Then I met you, felt like the best thing I never had
The make up of me is so complex, guarded & sad
I’m learning to let go of it all, no more hanging on to the past
All those people that did wrong by me can officially get a rash
Living for me now so I gives no care how you feel
This is me, uncut, uncensored… I feel the need to be real
No longer taking my past and feeling sorry for how it was
Living life to the fullest… Just like everyone else does
Don’t feel sorry for me I am no longer a victim, I’m Free
Just letting the world know I am no longer ashamed of being me
The mirror I used to run from I now embrace
The hate that was once in my heart has now been replaced
That frown that I always wore because if hurt to smile
I keep this smile permanently embedded and it’s going to be here for a while
I am no longer sad…. I’m so focused on my life and moving forward
Carrying all that hate and anger around was such a burden
Free..Free.. Free from life’s tortures and Pain
Standing on my own two feet with a smile is how I will remain

There was a blind girl who hated herself just because she was blind.
She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.
She said that if she could only see the world, she would marry her boyfriend.
One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her, she could see everything,
including her boyfriend. Her boyfriend asked her, "now that you can see the
world, will you marry me?" The girl was shocked when she saw that her
boyfriend was blind too, and refused to marry him.
Her boyfriend walked away in tears, and later wrote a letter to her saying. "Just
take care of my eyes, dear."

When does life become so lonely, is it our
own doing, or is we are feeling sorry for
what perhaps we have created. In our own
minds never trying to be social just want
to sit in our room and cry.
Feeling sorry for 1 self cannot get you
the needed help. We only think
that being so alone is a way to get
attention even from people we have never
known.
How did my life end up so lonely, who can
I ask or who else can I blame. I am alone
everyday yet I really never had any one to
share my hopes and dreams with, Instead
I am so alone I really need to be apart
of others live's and to maybe once again
share what I had. I became alone over night
Some please just love me and hold me tight.
I am so alone right now just go away and
leave me alone so I can just wish I can
leave my home. But thank God in heaven
for stepping in before my life came to a terrible
End.

Amongst the bark of trees
there shines a light
a light not bright
yet still illuminates the night
dull, green and spherical it floats
within the forest
it appears to gloat
it's maniacal grin spreads
and causes unrest
but yet brings comfort
to souls lost
The green gradually fades
and a new shade is seen
the shade of red.
It's shape contorts and twists
becomes enraged and unreliable
the light is not definable
by human nor god
it rises and sits aloft the trees
as if it is defining itself
a greater being
a power unseen
the light pulses, jolts and flashes
suddenly implodes and turns to ashes
The dull green light never was and never will be.

I feel I‘m the reason
For our eventual separation
And I’m sorry.
Sorry for every little annoyances
The petty irritating nuances
All the painful sideways
Glances
That I’ve ever given.
And the fact that I’ve lost you
I’m sorry.
To our falling apart
And me not meeting
Your ultimate needs
For this I’m sorry,
I’m sorry.

All dimensions are hidden from me;
I fail to envision the mystic beauties of nature,
My world is packed with dense fog all around me.
I was born to see a never-ending darkness,
A darkness so profound that it conceals everything from me.
For 40 years now my vision has betrayed me and ,
I continue to walk along a dark tunnel hoping to see light at
the end of it someday.
I have not seen my mother’s face. I know not how the lady
who gave me my existence looks.
But the immense shadow that covers me also raises my
consciousness to the highest level.
I know that
“ Within me I have an enlightened soul that radiates light
more influencial than the sun and it traverses the whole
of universe to reach the heavens.
At this moment I feel the prescence of God.
A God that pervades my entire existence.
I can feel that He uncondiotionally loves me.
It is now that I see the Light of Truth.”
Ronak Sanjay Bhavana Muchhala
G-601, Satellite Gardens CHS,
Film city road, Goregaon [east],
Mumbai 400063. INDIA

Why Is it So Many Refuse God?
Why is it… Instead of living for God.
Many curse him?
Then when things get bad,
they want him to bless them?
Why is it… Many reject God’s holy commands?
And want him to “stay out” their homes and lands?
Why is it… Many don’t obey God
and still refuse to listen?
All of his goodness and love
is what they’re missin’!
Why is it… A lot of people reject God’s holy ways?
Not reading his Bible,
and the truth that it says!
Why is it… That so many all across this great nation…
Have rejected the only one who
is a SOLID foundation?
Why is it… That we have so many choices…
We neglect God, and listen to other voices?
Why is it… With every opportunity and each day…
You haven’t spent time alone
with God to pray?
Why is it… In your life and the way you’re livin’…
Have you accepted God’s
desire to be forgiven?
Why is it… The peace and joy that comes from him…
Have you allowed the God of creation
to be your friend?
Won’t you take some time? Time well spent...
Choosing to follow Christ…
And to humbly repent?
Won’t you accept everything he offers to you?
He’s waits at your heart’s door...
What will you do?
By Jim Pemberton

So, there you are
Returned from fighting another mans war
Heard you’re quite the hero
Good for you my friend
Twenty years young
Couldn’t wait
To kick some terrorist ass
And so you did
So very well indeed I hear
Now you’re back
Nothing more to kick
What are you to do with yourself
Lying there as you are
Look at all of us here
To welcome you back
Can you not hear the joy
Can you not see the happiness
Or is it all hidden behind the tears
So here you are returned
In a flawless uniform
Lying there all smug and confident
With a peaceful look
Here you are returned
Fresh off the plane
In a nice tight package
Here you are returned
To never leave again
Good to have you back my friend
Only wish it could have been
Without the box

People have sex everyday.
People have sex in everyway.
People have sex everywhere.
Then people make choices that are never fair,
After they have sex something arises.
Then it turns into a sex crisis.
They should just simply call it "Sex Sacrifices".
People are quick to have sex while dating.
Instead of waiting.
Leaving them with a child seed.
Waiting to be concieved.
But in awe this you cannot believe.
Now you begin thinking there will now be two mouths to feed.
And maybe God's words you should of heed.
Should this child be born maybe,
I can get abortion, or in other words just kill this baby!
Is this murder I don't know?
But this child cannot and will not be able to grow.
Becuase I'm not ready yet.
I just wanted to get a little wet.
Now I'm in a predictament.
Because I just wanted to experiment,
With fire.
I thought I would not get burned.
I guess this is the lesson I needed to learn.
I guess this is the punishment I must now deserve.
What should I tell my mother?
I can't even say I may love.
Because it was just sex to someone not even my lover.
I didn't expect him to break the rubber!
I don't know what kind of father he will even be!
how will he be there for my son,
if I don't even know if he will be here tomorrow with me!
I barely knew this man.
Honestly it was suppose to be a one night stand!
This has really threw a damper on on my life's plans.
What should I do!
My mind is very distorted!
A few days later she got the child aborted.
To tell you the truth that was the ultimate price.
Because after the procedure,
she was unable to give any more life!
I guess she was willing for something to die,
and for life to treat her unice!
I guess she was prepared for this
SEX SACRIFICE!

While glorifying God and singing his praise,
To behold one of his not-so-generous creations, I amaze,
For an unclothed toddler condemned to a footpath
Simply arrests my unflinching gaze.
Of the tallest high-rises and even towering prides
And those who have been blessed by the divine’s might,
The one that catches my eye,
is the damned little painful sight.
For he does not know what his forbidden life may hold
And that for a few coins and some food he has been sold,
To the venomous hands of fate
That profanes this naked life to fight this chilling cold.
For no wrong of his, he has submitted to the destiny’s knife
And complied to fall into this abysmal strife,
Such is the ambiguity of it,
Such is the inscrutable truth of life.
This cringe that I now feel forces me to regard
The precious gift of life that overcomes every wrath
And thank God for I’m not the unclothed toddler
The one condemned to a footpath.

Welcome to the old you
Hello, Hello,
Despair so Crude, Dreams are gone
Yet we still follow the old Path
Where empathy kills
And the Sympathy we find is another Lie
You were born to deceive
A puppet-master of emotion
Back off this fixation while you have a chance
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Sorrow-- My Emotional High
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Better to be Frozen than Numb
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Exchange pleasure for pain
It's all coming t you
The facade of Joy falls again
Violet Hearts crush easy
Your Pain you don't Want this
Your Sorrow, You Want This
Back off this fixation while you have a chance
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Sorrow-- My Emotional High
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Better to be Frozen than Numb
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Back off this fixation while you have a chance
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Sorrow-- My Emotional High
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?
Better to be Frozen than Numb
Who Would Want To Be This Cold?

I Have Failed…
Lord, I have failed you time and time again,
By hanging on to my unrepentant sin.
I once thought, “my life will never get off track,”
Until that one day when I committed such a
terrible act.
“No one’s watching me” was what I thought,
not knowing the pain and suffering into my family
I had brought.
That one night of “pleasure” I hoped would go away,
but this sin stares me in the face every single day!
The lust that crept into my once cheerful heart,
Is now eating at me—tearing me all apart.
I once thought I was too good to commit a sin like this,
so many of God’s blessings I now will miss.
To you Jesus—my whole heart I ask you to cleanse.
for in you my whole life now depends.
Create in me a clean heart, renew a right spirit
within me.
Your forgiveness in my life is what others must see.
The most important thing to God I can now give,
Is a broken and contrite heart each day I shall live!
By Jim Pemberton

Silence is the wall that stands before me,
and memory the light that allows sight beyond.
Past the disappointments of the here and now,
to a time when I was wild and young.
Created from desire and fueled by passion,
is how the flames of love came to be.
After having my fill of pleasures forbidden,
there was no retreating for me.
I was bathed in the eternal flames of love,
and became addicted to its lasting burn.
Closing my eyes to the consequences,
and to all of those concerned.
But as the earth shines and is heated
by the great Sun placed above.
So to my heart is warmed and illuminated
by the eternal flames of love.
Pondering on lost love is weakening,
heartbreaking and can be so tragically sad.
But in truth, love can never be lost,
once love has truly been had.
Memories are the wonderful leftovers,
once everything is all said and done.
And those are ours to keep forever,
and can be taken from us by no one.

A look from a stranger
a cry from a lost friend
no one saw it coming
no one until the end.
Everyone was happy
everyone cried
I guess when its time
we have to say goodbye.
My eyes filled with tears
as you turn and walk away
hoping you might think of me
someday.
I left with my head messed up
and my hopes down the drain.
You wanted me happy
guess we couldn't be the same
The last time I saw you
was the last time I cried
I left without breathing
A shadow of goodbye.
Terri
8/30/2006

Another day to get through this
Another drink to drown the itch
I wish you were less the problem
And more the fix
There are only so many ways to say goodbye
And I never got to choose any of them
Maybe when you’ve decided to say hello
I’ll be obliged to gift one then
A morning frozen over by the death of the sun
Captivates what has come and what has gone
Giving time to weigh and to measure
What can be kept and what can be lost forever
There are no doors and no windows
There’s only this dark hallway
A collapsing wall behind you
Pushing you down, pressing you on
Such carefully irrational decisions we make
Too many rules we ignore in this game
Someday I’ll no longer remember your name
Worn-down, distorted, and left in shame
There are only so many ways to say goodbye
And I never got to choose any of them
Maybe when you’ve decided to say hello
I’ll be obliged to gift one then

eventually everything loses its touch
eventually everyone gets rid of their lust
and when you can no longer pretend
that everything eventually comes to an end
it'll all come down in a bad way
no one not even you can stop fate
so why bother why even try
because all of us will eventually die
im not stupid
im not going to believe their lies
im not naive
and im not going to give in this time
trouble all of us will eventually meet
i guess you think a fool i must be
but the truth is so full of heat
the odds i guess no one can beat
im not stupid
im not going to believe their lies
im not naive
and im not going to give in this time
and this pain fills me
wishing i could escape this destiny
but whats meant to happen will
i wonder how does that make you feel
the truth makes you so pail
slowly we're losing to this hell
in this life we're all going to fail
and we can't escape this jail
baby listen to me yell
im not stupid
im not going to believe their lies
im not naive
and im not going to give in this time
eventually you will give up
eventually your words will be left in the dust
eventually you will lose your shameful lust
while everything has already lost its touch

I’m sorry Miss,
That I was so shy before
That I never called you on my own
That I was too young to think ahead
I’m sorry Miss,
That after all the travels and the time spent
That I wouldn’t stay for your birthday
That I only thought of myself
I’m sorry Miss,
That we started losing touch
That we were so close always
That we grew up together
I’m sorry Miss,
That I didn’t see you for years
That it happens to everyone
That I thought it was once okay
I’m sorry Miss,
That when I did see you,
That I avoided an awkward moment
That I even thought it would be uncomfortable
I’m sorry Miss,
That even if you didn’t care
That I can’t help but think about it daily
That it was the last time I’d see you
I’m sorry Miss,
That I ruined our last conversation
That I jumped on assumption
That it was never fair what happened to you
I’m sorry Miss,
That I can’t even be strong for you
That I still remind myself everyday
That I could have said goodbye
I’m sorry Miss,
That still I think of myself
That I feel sorry for my own choices
That I cried when I tried to talk about you
I’m sorry Miss,
That you went through what you did
That you missed out on a lifetime
That I miss you, even though I didn’t know you anymore

You have no idea about how i feel inside
Rules of this and that damn do I have to abide
I wish all everything could subside
Yelling, screaming, and hollering in my ears
is making them ring
Deaf to listening to the birds sing
Deaf to the world outside my body
Watching my friends die off one by one
Stabbings and shooting until the black heart murders are all done
Soul by soul cementarys are being filled
Blood of innocent children is being spilled
The truth of this terrible mishap may never be revealed
There's no idea of how I feel
In my soul no one, name, identity, or personality rome
CAUSE MY HEART EVERYONE HAS A HOME

It was collected with deal
It backfired with glee
Refunding with pain
Casting away the gain
Sweats burrowed the furrows
To move,we borrowed the barrows
The barons gave the limit
The fire cackled in the pit
I am hot from pursue
I'm told I''ll be sued
Who will stand for me?
It is debt!
And I am incepted
And I am shamed
That's what debt does to all.

We did it for the first time
You were my first one, no lie
I loved you, i gave you my all
Hold your words, please dont speak
I'm going to have one of yours
In just a few weeks
I can't take care of it, neither can you
Where to younge to even care for one
I need to drop it, befor it's to late
I made my discussion with out yours
Both of us can't raise it alone
We dont have money or food ,where fouls
What can we do ?
We can kill it?
But let's not speak of it
I'll drop it for the best of us
I'm sorry i'm doing this,but
Theres no way out of this
I still love you
Please dont tell me , you hate me?
For killing the first one.......

I'm still awake alone at night
Thinkin of stuff to write
This kind of feeling wont go away
A feeling that is here to stay
Sadness, depression i feel so low
Don't even know which way to go
I've learned to hide this painful fact
And show people my lifes intact
The truth i don't want them to know
That i hate my life and feel so low.

O n an imaginary pedestle
before imaginary crowds
I'm astounded that it's taken me so long
to learn to take the hard knocks
and not to cry out loud
and not to make excuses for my songs
but I'm sorry if my sanity
won't fit the mold you made for me
and my manifold iniquities
have exceeded your ability to forgive
Just let me live until I die
let me laugh until I cry
let me stop and ask you "why?"
then interrupt you in the middle of your answer
just an alcoholic dancer
stepping on your toes
I should learn to keep my mouth shut
I should learn keep the peace
I should learn to walk on water
and make the tempest cease
I should learn to be more considerate
torwards a world that's trying to sleep
maintane diplomatic apathy
with right wing fascist creeps
but I'm sorry if my psyche seems a little out of touch
and I'm sorry that I'm sorry that I apologize to much
just let me live until I die
let me laugh until I cry
let me stop and ask you "WHY?"
then interrupt you in the middle of your answer
just an alcoholic dancer
stepping on your toes

Red and Blue lights
Saphires and Rubies
a giant building with children inside
an Alarm goes off
children running around
yellow and orange tearing them down
death of yound ones
screaming for help
sirens roaring
water flying
crispy smoke clouding beside me
the touch of help as i start to cry
i pray to God that i wont die.

Memories haunt and yet they lead.
They help us to find our way.
Memories bring choices with comparisons made.
Memories lead to decisions as corners we turn.
But memories are fluid and change as life goes on.
We forget and discard what we don’t want.
Later we revisit and change images again.
Resentments change to love and care long lost.
Achievements verses what we gave up.
Even wrong can become trying to do right.
Other viewpoints open the older we become…
Then we revisit and memories change again.
Memories can be truth or lies, but they are always…
As fluid as the life from which they come.

I never opened myself this way,
I try to hide my evil everyday.
All of this I can't just say,
My darkened bed is where I lay.
I lived my life without a care,
A place to hide please take me there.
My emotions paint the walls with darkened splatters,
And nothing else matters.
I want to run away never looking back,
Prove all the people wrong talking smack.
But I can't bare to witness this any longer.
Take me to a new home.
I can't find it to care,
A place to hide please take me there.
My emotions paint the walls with darkened splatters,
And nothing else matters.

Can I put you in a box and show the world that you don't exist.....
Can I just walk empty shallow & show that I no longer resist...
You've held me back leaked from every pour and shown everyone your true identities...
You've ruined me...
Wore me Down to nothing but a lost Insignificant blank canvas
I will no longer let you lead my life
Your tracks are on a blank piece of paper my pen is your escape.
But I will paint my life in vivid color in memories of what you left scared behind
I'll drown the box with your own kind....
I will let sadness open up and drown you all
Envy, jealousy,anger, happiness, love, rage, excitement, resentment, & everyone else I hide
And when you feel hopeless I'll open your cellar door and let you spill out onto the blank pages of my mind...
Introduce you to the shell of a women who you left to die
& make you remember why you no longer have rule
My emotions will never get the best of me

It was only suppose to had been just an innocent friendship
at least in the beginning that how it started out to be,
I was confident in believing that I could actualy be friends with him
but at that moment I was much too blind to had even seen.
That in all actuality he wanted more from me
way more that I was not able to give at that time,
I never had imagined in my wildest dreams
that just my very presence still remained on his cunning, devious mind.
He would always greet me with a sincere smile on a daily basis
whenever he would see me around in the neighborhood,
He accepted me for me with open arms and good graces
at that time he made me feel happy and good.
Suddenly, what started out as a friendship that was built on innocence
made a turn unto the path of regrettable sin,
That is when he made the bold step of taking advantage of my innocence
by wanting to be more than just friends.
At that tiem my life was filled with so much chaos and stress
and all seemed so dark and drear,
I felt that out of my life was gone all of my happiness
for myself I no longer gave a care.
He told me things that I had wanted to hear
for, it had been such a long time ago,
He had made all of my pain and despair disappear
he made me feel wanted and needed so.
But like a fool I had allowed him to take control of me
I was definitly in way over my head,
That night I found it so hard to believe
that I was actually in his bed.
After the sinful act had been over and completed
and I silently walked out of the door,
I asked myself: "Oh, God ! What on earth have I done?
I feel like such a whore!"
I cried and cried what seemed like an eternity
and I became violently physically sick,
What would my finace think of me?
was all I could ask myself at that moment.
That night when I had finally returned home
I got down on upon my knees and just prayed to God for forgiveness,
That night I never felt so sad, confused, and all alone
cheating was not in my nature, only innocence.
I could not believe that I had hurt the man that I loved
by betraying him in that way,
I was so naieve in sharing one night of lust
with a man that just wanted to get laid.
I allowed myself to be put in a situation
a situation that had gone out of control,
I was just too weak to resist temptation
but right now, I am strong enough to know.

All I have to say
Is that I'm sorry for the way
I treated you all day
I know what I did was wrong
You used to love me all along
While I was weak, you were strong
But agony ruled my world
To the devil my life was sold
I should have kept my word
And all went upside down
Now, there's no turning around
How cruel I must have sound
I wish you could forgive me
My sin is great, and I'm not worthy
Because I wasn't able to see that you loved me
Now as I wash the blood off my hands
I take time to try and understand
How I drowned in this quick sand
And as I pick the knife off the floor
I feel my life getting sour
I seem to love you more and more
I look in the mirror, I see myself
I feel pain more than I ever felt
I have pushed my life over the shelf
And now that I have lost what's mine
And as I sit her and sip my wine
I think about my bloody valentine

Why must I always strive to make you happy?
When you always make fun of me?
Always put me down?
Why must I put my life on hold
to do something you want for me?
When you always tell me I'm stupid?
And always call me names?
Why do I love you,
And put up with you *****24/7?
Is it because your family?
Or because I have to?
I'm tired of this so-called life.
Having no say in what I do.
Where I go,
Or even who my friends are.
I'm to the point to where I'm ready to leave.
Leave you. Leave the world.
So tired of you and your crap,
I'm ready to fall asleep,
and never wake up.
You expect me to be someone I'm not.
Your disappointed that I'm me,
And that I'm not changing for you.
I shouldn't have to change for you.
Your my mother, and my father.
And you should accept me as I am.
I've tried to change.
I quit drinking.
I even quit smoking pot.
For you.
I've done everything I can do to try to get you to like me.
But nothing I do is good enough for you.
Why do I bother?
I could of been gone a long time ago.
Could of put me, and you, out of misery.
Could of made your life, and mine, more peaceful, and happier.
But because I don't want to hurt the ones in my life who actually care,
I put up with you.
Yeah, I smoke again. And drink again too.
But its the only way I can face you.
Face you everyday, and keep my sanity.
I'm not doing it for me.
And I'm sure not doing it for you.
Im doing it for my friends and family that care.
And you, are neither.
You one was,
But no longer do I care about
What you do, or say, or even feel.
Your dead to me.
Maybe when you lose me for good,
You'll realize how good of daughter i could of been,
That I wanted to be.
But couldn't be because when I tried,
I disappointed you.
Everything I did, and do,
Is a disappointment to you.
Everything I say or think,
You frown upon.
I'm sorry I'm not perfect.
But if you can't accept me as I am,
You don't deserve me.

Thou not from Israel
yet Israel like
to sell our heads
in the name of yahoo
To say I am from this clan
is like to say I am leprous
in Elisa’s clan
in the sight of macoys
Denying me chapter Iv
of our supreme book
making me more black than I am
lets break their records
Their record of unequalness
For all animals are equal.

This is hello and goodbye John,
I know that all is well.
Remember two twisted minds John,
From Reichenbach we fell.
I know it must be boring,
When all cases die down.
Yet still with waking eyes,
You'll see crime around the town.
And though I'd like to wake,
And play another game,
I'm playing life, and losing.
Death wins all the same.
By the time you read this little rhyme,
I know I'll be long gone.
But don't be angered by the time,
It's job did nothing wrong.
I remember I once said, "John,
You are my one friend."
You're the one friend who stayed.
Right through to the very end.
Any time you're by my grave,
Or look sadly to the sky,
I will not be there either,
See John, I did not die.
-SH

I loved you.
You were creeped out.
I loved you.
You were all I thought about.
Dreams bring misery,
To this little life.
I will use trickery.
I don't go down without a
fight.
I will survive without you.
You don't control me anymore.
I will survive without you.
You're not for me to adore.
The mess you made,
Taking my life for granted,
Leaving me in a barracade,
You never knew how much you
mented.
I am in control.
Foreign language brings
nightmares,
Because I would curse you,
And you would figure out later,
That I once loved you.
Teardrops cover my doorstep.
Remember how much you
ment,
I gave you my heart you kept.
And you left me there when I
wept.
I will survive without you.
You don't control me anymore.
I will survive without you.
You're not for me to adore.
The mess you made,
Taking my life for granted,
Leaving me in a barracade,
You never knew how much you
mented.
I am in control.
You left me there,
In the pouring rain.
Bleeding without care,
My feelings were drained.
I left...
I left...
I left...
The past behind.
I will survive without you.
You don't control me anymore.
I will survive without you.
You're not for me to adore.
The mess you made,
Taking my life for granted,
Leaving me in a barracade,
You never knew how much you
mented.
I am in control.
You're not Mr. Man anymore.
I took back my control.
How does it feel being cold,
To lose it???

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here to stay.
I can't find light to brighten up my days,
I guess I'll just fall astray.
Suddenly I'm not all the man I used to be,
There's an evil shadow inside of me.
I can't seem to set all the problems free,
I guess my only option is turn back and flee.
Although I sit here and have this guilt,
I'm burning down the good I ever built.
The good times were an easy game to play,
I'm searching for a place to hide away.
I don't know why I have to run.
I still can not say,
I've done everything wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.
Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away,
Now it looks as though they're here stay.
Suddenly I'm not all the man I used to be,
There's an evil shadow inside of me.
The good times were an easy game to play,
I'm searching for a place to hide away.
I don't know why I have to run.
I still can not say,
I've done everything wrong,
Now I long for yesterday.

I just wanted to get better,
But I guess it didn't matter.
I guess I'm not the same,
I don't know who I became.
I thought it was going good,
I was doing all I could;
To pick myself up off the ground,
I tried to turn my life around.
I thought I'd be all right,
If I tried with all my might;
To finally be the happy one,
I wanted to let myself have some fun.
I guess it didn't work,
Now I look like such a jerk.
I want to fix it all,
I don't want to take another fall.
Maybe I should find a way,
To try to be happy another day.

If Idon't get to say good bye for one and final time,
then know i've alway's loved you more than anyone could.
And though you are ill and the diseases you have are painful and kill,know God will comfort
you and you'll rest in his arms.
You are my mother who I dearly love,you are my friend and alway's have been.
We've had our cries,we've had our laughs,
we've shared pain,and were both a little insane.
How can I say exactly say how i feel,
when so far away i cannot show you.
I wish i could give you all you deserve,
the moon the stars, and all you dreams,
take away all the pain,the nightmares,and screams.
This reality is all to real,
I want to wake up,call an apeal.
god is who we must call upon,
in times of right,in times of wwrong,in times of joy,and times of pain.
He is the one who can save us all!
Your soul he will rest,now i'm depressed.
Just in case i dont't get to say goodbye.
I wish i could hold you and hug you again soon.
But when i give you this letter it'll be to late,
you will probably be gone.
Cancer,serosis,diabetes,and more,
I sometimes curse life and it's whores,.
You my mother,please know i love you,
i love youi because you've alway's loved me,
in all i have been andand always a friend.
An ear to listen,an eye to see,a hug and a home ,
A mother in all.
times were rough in our growing up,
we didn't have much ,and sometimes very por,
you gave up alot,even the men that raped us.
We our family,barely alive,barely escaped.
Nobody knows of the horror we've endured or seen,
what we've lived,how cruel,how mean.
But we were strong,we made it through it all,
we have survived one and for all.
now your time is coming to rest,
So follow God,He offers his best,
A kingdom full of no pain or hate,
but of much love and joy.
something you so rarely had,
you will soon have.
So take it and be glad,
rejoice and be glad,
You will be in Heaven!
I love you mom!

Do you feel like you’re “worn out” and defeated?
Like nothing in your life has really been completed?
Do you feel like your life is going “downhill” fast?
And wonder how much longer you’re “going to last?”
Do you feel like you’ve hit too
many “bumps in the road?”
The weight upon your shoulders feels like a “heavy load?”
Do you feel like you just can’t take it anymore?
You may wonder if anything in
life is worth living for...
Do you want to hear some good news I have to bring?
I can tell you of someone who can
take care of everything!
Do you want to know of someone
who can change your life today?
His name is Jesus, and he can take
all of your problems away!
Do you want to allow him to change
your life throughout?
This is what HIS love is really all about!
Do you want to experience the power of God within?
Knowing what it means to be forgiven and born again…
If this is what you want and what
your heart wants to gain.
Simply reach out to Jesus and call
on his name…
He wants you to know and to completely understand.
He’s here right now and waits
with an outstretched hand…
He wants you to know… He really does love YOU.
Why not start today? And be made BRAND NEW!!!
By Jim Pemberton
01/18/11

I’m sorry I didn’t cry when you lost your dad
I’m sorry that I always made you mad
I’m sorry that I couldn’t hold you tight
And tell you that I love you with all my might
I’m sorry that I always called you names
Sorry I was mean and caused you pain
Saying bad things that I regret
I hope that one day you will forgive.
I’m sorry that I didn’t see your hurt
I’m sorry I was once a stupid girl
I’m sorry that I didn’t love and respect
Turning our marriage into a wreck
Please forgive me for being wrong
And all those nights I cried all night long
I knew that you really cared for me
I was just blind and I couldn’t see.
I’m sorry that your life has been so hard
Tryin’ your best but not gettin’ very far
Life’s punching you from left and right
You just want to quit and give up the fight
And I know that you’re still hurting inside
You married again so you wouldn’t have to cry
With your heart still broken from before
You try to hide that you’re still unsure.
I’m sorry that your brother took the easy way out
I’m sorry you couldn’t help him when he was in doubt
I’m sorry that your life has been so cruel
Nothing but an ugly joke to you
And so from time to time I continue to pray
I hope that you’ll call on HIM someday
So you’ll be filled with His grace and love
And be protected from the Lord God above.
And now that your left here all alone
Empty inside tryin’ to fill the hole
Goin’ down the wrong path and through the wrong door
Your soul’s left empty and you’re wanting more
Thinking to yourself will things ever change
Wondering why God had made you this way
Cause you’re not livin’ your just here
Goin’ through the motions of life in fear.
And so you try to keep movin’ on
Survivin’ and tryin’ to keep yourself strong
But you rely on others to hold you up
And you keep on passin your sufferin’ cup
“Why does it have to be this way
Why can’t I have peace and live happily”
Let me tell you this to your lost soul
Surrender to God and then you will know.

Vincent
we were never chary
that is why we are now
so forever sorry
after losing you one starry starry
night
when you gave up the fight
when you turned out the light
when two wrongs
became right
and that's when you
so amazingly gifted
had your burdens lifted
and then you flew
and drifted
out of view
into the hue
of your favorite midnight blue
sailing, wailing away from yesterday
not caring anymore what they had to say
coming to rest in the forbidden silent grey
where we miss you
still today
now you are safe from tomorrow's sorrow
safe from the brilliance of your brain
safe from the perpetual pain
just let it rain
on them
warm beautiful colors
on a summer's breeze
or perhaps a virtuous snow
floating delicately down
maybe then they'll listen
maybe then they'd know
You know, your beauty still paints our souls
And your roses and the daffodils
They still grow
But Vincent, you
You didn't have to go

I lay down in my garden
waiting for the sunset
I was watching the gentle breeze
touching the gentle leaves
Summer was leaving
and it was a cold sunset
My thoughts were so far
I remembered a poem I had read
so beautiful and so wise
about leaves falling down,
and the necessary strength to fall
(There is power in letting go)
And it was fall
Leaves were becoming brown
soon they would be on the ground
Nature -- see the picture:
The cold sunset
the summer that was leaving
and the first leaf that suddenly had fallen
It made no noise
But in front of this vision
My soul ran away scared
I didn't look back
I didn't say a word
I knew there was power
I was there -- lying down
I myself had fallen!
But I could feel
what was to come
The leaf on the ground
decomposing
feeding the land
raising another tree
The poet was right
There is strengh and power in letting go
But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt
I ran away
I ran away alarmed
I ran away from you,
refused to nourish you,
didn't accept to start it all over again
not so soon
I am not going to rot, love,
I will be burned by the first sunbeam
of tomorrow's morning
We are the metaphor
not nature, my dear
I changed destiny this time
I broke the circle and
You will stay hungry
I am sorry that you are going to pay
for the mysteries of life
while I lay down in my garden
in this begining of fall.
Patrícia Evans

Of all the friends that I’ve known and lost
I reckon at times life will collect its cost
Sometimes the thought makes me sad
As I start thinking of the dreams we had
I know who was right and who was wrong
I reckon it all plays out like a country song
Life of the party is how the song did start
But I reckon it ended with broken hearts
As the years pass by and the memories fade
I remember how we thought we had it made
If life was a bull we had it by the horns
Got the rose by scratching through the thorns
I loved you all more than words can say
I never meant to hurt anybody in any way
But most of my life that was my only curse
I tried to make it better as it just got worse
Just as the guitar player starts a new cord
I turned my life and will over to the Lord
I’m setting here wishing you all could see
The light of the Lord shinning bright in me
I reckon life is less than funny that way
There are some things we never get to say
Things that are forever etched in the heart
Pulling all of us further and further apart
The Lord has given me a wonderful wife
Together her and I share a beautiful life
As far as