I have decided that I need to remove some people from my life... I can't deal with bullshit anymore. I think I've let the train ride out long enough that I just need this to be over, and I really cant handle "friendships" with people who do not care about me at all.

I have realized as I get older and I get better in my life I learn that there are some people out there that just are so wrong you cant help them, and you cant change them and there is no use in trying. And I've also realized that when those people go down a certain path you need to just let them live in their own world, let them do whatever they need to do... pray for them that they live their life to the fullest just maybe not with you anymore.

I will not tolerate friends that don't love you enough to care about you or your well being....i will not tolerate people going on the internet and airing your dirty laundry for everyone else to see just because "they think" in their own twisted ways that the life desicisons that you have made some way or another don't suit them so apparently its wrong?

Listen up people... I do what I WANT TO- BECAUSE I WANT TO DO IT! I do whats right FOR ME... despite what you may think, and I will never ever be like you- and maybe that's what the problem is... Maybe you should stop- turn around- and watch me because maybe you would learn a little something, maybe you would stop talking about EVERYONE THAT YOU KNOW, and maybe you would learn how to be a real friend to someone.

First lesson in friendship- Loyalty, kind words, and honesty.second lesson- STOP TALKING ABOUT ALL YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND THEIR BACKS!! its petty bullshit, and frankly one day you are going to turn around and see that you no longer have anyone left because they all found out what terrible SNAKE toungue you have behind their back and maybe they don't want to associate themselves with you anymore!!!!

Happy almost b-day to my love ala_tariel I hope that all your wishes come true today! You are one of my oldest live journal friends and I love you more each time we talk.. you are the sweetest most amazing girl ever.

I Decided to not make this post friends only because I want everyone to see this. I saw something like this in plus model magazine and I really liked it. DONT CONFORM BECAUSE PEOPLE THINK YOU SHOULDN'T LOOK A CERTAIN WAY! you are who you are, and GOD made you that way so take care of yourself, love yourself, and be proud of who you are. Now... heres my version of thier letter.

I’m just not one of those plus size women who have ever been defined by their weight. I have climbed the water falls in Mexico, Work 3 jobs, and I currently maneuver my life around the fashion/modeling industry alongside some of the most beautiful models; but my confidence comes from within and I love my body 100%.

I admire the woman I have become, because I appreciate my body so much more now than when I was younger. Every bit of my curves can tell a story of challenges, accomplishments, fears, hopes, happiness and joy. While people have come and gone in my life, my body has been here through it all; so why not take care of it and be as loyal as it’s been to me?

When you wake up in the morning, are you grateful for your body? Do you define your self-worth by the number on the scale or the tag on your clothing? Do you feel sexy, worthy, intelligent, accomplished? It’s very easy to judge ourselves when we look at models’ bodies, whether they are straight or plus-size. The reality is that not all of us will look like them, and that is ok. It does not make their bodies any better than ours; modeling is a business so don’t define your appreciation for your body by an industry standard, man, woman or even your family.We are real women!

importantly, be good to your body; we are more than just a pretty face.

9:03 a.m. another five hijackers crashed United Airlines Flight 175 into the South Tower (2 WTC)

its now 9:15am and court still has not started, I feel my phone vibrating in my pocket and see my dad is trying to call me. I ignore it (you arent allowed to have cell phones on in the courthouse) its been almost 10 mins and my mother and father have now tried to call me over 6 times.... court still hasnt started. we are sitting in the courthouse awaiting the trails to begin.

Five hijackers flew American Airlines Flight 77 into the Pentagon at 9:37 a.m.[

10:00am I have 16 missed calls on my phone and court is now 1 hour late. I polietly left the courtroom and watlked into the hallway to see what was going on at home with my parents. I call my father at work.

me: "dad whats going on?"dad: "get the hell out of that courthouse something is going on"me: "what are you talking about?"dad: "leave listen to me! Leave that federal building IMMEDIATELY DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME! take ben and go home"me: 'What!? hold on mom is calling too"

I switch over to take my moms phone call and red lights start blinking all around me. sirens are going off almost sounding like a fire alarm my first instinct is that im in trouble for being on the phone. The courthouse doors open and people that were awaitng court just like i was come flooding out of the courtrooms including ben i look at him with confusion.

Mom: "michelle we are under attack your father is trying to get ahold of you. get out of the courthouse"me: "we are leaving"

Ben tells me that we are being evacuated and everyone calmly walks to thier cars.

A fourth flight, United Airlines Flight 93, under the control of four hijackers, eventually crashed near Shanksville, Pennsylvania at 10:03 a.m. after the passengers fought the hijackers. Flight 93's ultimate target is believed to have been either the Capitol or the White House.[13] Flight 93's cockpit voice recorder revealed crew and passengers attempted to seize control of the plane from the hijackers after learning through phone calls that similarly hijacked planes had been crashed into buildings that morning.[17] Once it became evident to the hijackers that the passengers might regain control of the plane, one hijacker ordered another to roll the plane and intentionally crash it.[18] Soon afterward, Flight 93 crashed into a field near Shanksville.

I get out to me car and the reality of it all still hasnt sunk in. I call my best friend Jamie to see whats going on and she hadnt seen any news yet. she tells me that shes going to watch the news and call me back. in the mean time I took ben all around to look for a job. we drove to warrenville to apply at a couple local mechanics, and then headed back toward the house where jamie came over later that day.

Throughout the day I dont think ive ever said. "have you seen the news" so many times. I remember talking to all the people that mattered to me that day.. Brian in california, siobhan (my n'sync loving friend :) who lived in NY her father worked in the trade centers and made it out alive thank god. Siobhan helped me thru a really tough time in my life, and to this day still think about her all the time. I spent the rest of my day with Jamie my best friend we spent everyday together that summer of graduation and almost everyday since then. :)

My husbands memories of 9/11 are different... at the time we werent together, or dating. But he was telling me how he remembers the F16's flying all over chicago. He works construction so at the time he had no idea what was going on working outside makes it hard to stay on top of the media.... so hes working at the first bomber flys over..... then 30 mins later 2 more fly over chicago... he decides to get down off the roof and turn on the radio, where he started to hear is all unfold. F-16's are very powerful fighter jets. they are loud when they fly over, and they are very very noticeable in a rural chicagoland neighborhood. When you see them you know its because there is a problem. They flew those F-16s over chicago for a solid year after that... just patroling the skys waiting and watching to protect us.

later that evening My family, my brother and his friends, and jamie all went to dinner at sandpiper. I had a chili boat, and had a great evening loving the people around me. I remember talking about what a great day me and ben had (we were happy because our tickets got thrown out!) and had some laughs together running around all day. it never dawned on me at that time that this day would change history as we know it.

9/11 was a tragity, its terriffying, and i was alive to see it happen. Some people know the cold war, or pearl harbor, or korea... those wars are just something out of a history book for me. but 9/11 is real. it happened to me, and I was around to watch it unfold before me. now that im older and can see the magnitude of what happened it hits me harder each year. I cried when we killed bin laden, it hit me like a ton of bricks. WE DIDNT PICK THIS WAR, WE DIDNT DO THIS.... BUT WE WILL END IT.

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to theRepublic for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with libertyand justice for all."

Working in this industry is hard... heres a couple things that I have learned from Plus Model Magazine.. they never ususally respond to much- and I'm sure I know why... but its good to know anyway-
Just don't let people discourage you.... if I listened everytime someone told me I would never make it in this buisness.... well then I would have stopped modeling a long time ago. Dont even give up, and take everything with a grain of salt please. with that being said heres some tips!
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My life is so blessed. Part of my successful modeling Career I owe a ton to my best friend Jamie who is the owner of STRANGE FATE PHOTOGRAPHY and she does photoshoots with me all the time. They are fantastic, i love them, and its some of my best work as a model.