Pages

Monday, November 7, 2011

Upcoming Birthday

Perhaps now is the time for me to let out some over
exaggerated sigh. Lean into some archway and over dramatically throw wrist to
forehead with a sad “whoa-is-me” type of gesture. Why the dramatics today?
Well, my birthday is looming just around the corner; in fact it’s this coming
Saturday – November 12th. It’s not that I dread getting older, I sort
of embrace aging. Which may seem rather odd for a woman, but I do. Sure I have
my days where I wish I could go back and start over at a much younger age, but
over all I really like the idea of getting older. I’m not however looking
forward to turning into an odd number. I’ll be 27 this year in case you’re
curious and to be perfectly honest I would must rather just skip ahead and be
28. Okay, I guess this is where I take a pause and assure you that yes; I am a
freak who prefers even numbers. Maybe that’s weird of me, but I’ve always just
had a thing for even numbers. I don’t like being an odd number; I obviously
deal with it as I have no choice, but none the less I would just skip ahead and
be 28 already if I could choose to avoid being an uneven number.

Another thing I don’t like about knowing my birthday is approaching
is I always get to thinking about what I haven’t accomplished in life. This
year feels different though. Sure, I’m nowhere near where I thought I would be
at this age. However, I feel more prepared now to get out of my comfort zone
that has admittedly, caused myself to hold back from a lot in life. I guess in a
lot of ways you could call me a late bloomer and someone who hasn’t exactly
been the most friendly to change. That is something about myself I’ve always
strongly disliked, but I’ve been working more progressively to change that about
myself and just move forward. Now more then ever, I have much clearer goals and
a much stronger frame of mind regarding what I want in life. I feel a lot more
prepared to get off my butt and seriously work on conquering lifelong goals. Hard
work is definitely the only way I can accomplish what I want to do and best
believe I am ready to face it as much work as I need to. I know now more then
ever that I just need to throw myself out there and not give up on myself.
Which, I will now further admit of myself – I’ve done quite often in the past.
I’ll also admit that I’ve battled depression, which most certainly has not been
an easy thing to overcome in life. That though, shall be saved for discussion
on another day. Today, we are discussing this upcoming odd numbered birthday.

It’s not all or even mostly dread for my ‘special day’ this
year. After all, I do think there is something positive about how I have
finally come around to seeing what it is I need to be doing for myself. Sure, I
could sit here and ramble on about all the things I could have done differently
in my life, but what is the point? All that is going to do is slow my progress
in the goals I want to achieve. So there is one good thing about this birthday,
I’ve come to some important conclusions about what I need to be doing. Instead
of sitting at a constant rate thinking of what I should have done different. I
finally sit here more often then not working on how I can make my life better
and of course pursuing that. Another thing about this year - which is special
to me, is that I’ll be spending it with my mother. Traveling out of town to
visit for a couple of weeks and for the first time in a few years I’ll actually
get to see my mom on my birthday itself. That alone has me very much looking
forward for Saturday to get here. Not so much for any celebratory plans, but
for getting in some quality time with the woman who carried me for ten months
then pushed my rather large self out. I was a rather big baby… but being
overdue for a month can do that I presume. My mother in my opinion still
deserves some big prize for having gone through what she did when she was
pregnant with me all the way until she pushed me out. Quite frankly we’ve
certainly had some special times over the years that she likely deserves a
prize for surviving as well; both of my parents for that matter.

Now another positive thing surrounding this upcoming
birthday, is that there’s a very strong part of me feeling like I’m finally
starting my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to claim I have it all
figured out now. I know full well that I have a lot of lessons to learn in the
years to come ahead of me. I know I also have a lot of trial and error ahead of
me and I’m more then ready to embrace each success and failure to come my way
as I venture forward in my life. I feel very fortunate to have the sort of
people I have in my life now. I’m definitely surrounded by more positive and
encouraging individuals, whom I can not thank enough really for their constant
support, love and encouragement for me. Maybe turning an odd number won’t be so
bad for me after all this year. For at the very least this year I can hold my
head up, be extremely thankful for what I have and find the strength to pursue
what I want for myself.

3 comments:

You know me I hate odd numbers as well and in January I will be joining the 'Odd Number Club' With you, BOO for odd numbers! Aside from that I enjoyed your newest entry and I just wanted to say <3 you!!