The Craziest, Weirdest, and Most Inspiring Things I Learned at Gwyneth Paltrow's Goop Conference

I live in L.A., the mecca for beauty and fitness crazes, and while I love my almond milk and bone broth, I can’t say I’m a poster child for health and wellness (I also love fries and ice cream and can’t stand yoga). Still, when I heard there was a conference encouraging attendees to wear athleisure, that totally sounded up my alley. And so at 8:00 A.M. this past Saturday morning, I put on my finest Lululemon and headed to Gwyneth Paltrow’s first-ever In Goop Health summit.

Upon arrival at the 3Labs warehouse in Culver City, I was greeted by an army of Gwyneth mini-mes who, in a matter of nanoseconds, had checked me in, handed me a personalized schedule, placed a Goop canvas tote over my shoulder, and expertly ushered me into a modern-chic marketplace dotted with simple white and wood furniture. The space was tightly curated with every “clean” food and beauty offering a Goop-ophile could ask for: probiotic juices, grass-fed butter Bulletproof coffee, socially responsible Kjaer Weis foundation, Tata Harper Lip & Cheek Tint, and my personal favorite, Vapour Moonlight Illuminator.

In the subsequent 10 hours, there was no time for insecurity over my own lack of fluency in Paltrow's “healing modalities”—there was barely time for a pee break. Surrounded by a sea of striped shirts, Spandex, large diamonds, and perfectly coiffed yet still somehow effortless hair, I gamely dived in, having my crystals prescribed and getting my aura photographed. OK, so I wasn’t brave enough to do the IV Hydration drip, but I’m told it’s “great for curing hangovers,” and if you’re curious, a trained R.N. from The IV Doc will make house calls. I attended panels on “Cosmic Flow” and “Gut Health” (during which I found myself wondering what a traditional Western doctor’s take would be), asked workout guru Tracy Anderson what she did to get her star pupil ready for the day and the craziest beauty trend she's ever tried (FYI, it's not steaming her vagina, although she's not opposed to it), and practiced my best primal scream with Taryn Toomey.

To newbies…er, skeptics…like myself, Paltrow, who passed on wearing leggings for a long pink and white toile Vilshenko sundress, was pleasantly understanding and encouraging, “Just do the research, educate yourself. There are a lot of really amazing things to learn about being the pilot of your own health and very simple ways to take baby steps to improve energy levels, hormonal balances, sex drive, friendships, relationships…everything.” And so, in an homage to the newly crowned queen of wellness, here are the 10 craziest, most interesting, ridiculous, and inspiring things I learned at the Goop conference. I'll let you make your own judgments:

1. Clear quartz is "the black skinny jean of the crystal world."To give an entire primer on crystals would require a story of its own: So I'll point you here for Crystals 101. But as for clear quartz, shaman Colleen McCann says, “Everybody needs one. It’s a neutral; it goes with all the other stones and amplifies anything that it sits next to.” She adds, “Amethyst makes great gem water” and is thought to help fight addiction. But McCann warns, “Don’t stick any old gem in water because some are poisonous.”

Cameron Diaz on taking a three-year break from making movies to spend time with her husband and make herself whole: “I had to put some balls down, and pick some other balls up.”

3. Follow the Puss Principle to let your creative juices flow.According to Phil Stutz and Barry Michels (GP's "most sought-after shrinks on the planet"), if you feel blocked in any way, follow the Puss Principle: A "flow state" (i.e., feeling creatively energized) requires imperfection. When you pop a pimple, you have to keep squeezing through the puss before you get to good blood flow. Helpful, but so gross!

4. Good bacteria starts at birth.According to Amy Myers, M.D., when babies are born via C-section, they miss out on taking a “big gulp of good bacteria” in the birth canal, but a process called seeding can help make sure even babies born via C-section get their mother’s good flora. “Have your baby seeded,” she recommends. [Editor's note: Experts have mixed feelings on this.]

5. Stay grounded—literally.Nicole Richie and Miranda Kerr like to put their feet in the grass. “I know it sounds crazy, but even just taking my shoes off and putting my feet in the grass just to ground and feel the light coming in…it's so simple, but so helpful, to just be in the moment,” says Kerr. Shopping tip: Both suggest grounding slippers and sheets to help reconnect your body to the earth's energy.

6. Tomatoes are high-maintenance to eat.Alejandro Junger, M.D., advises tomatoes should be eaten without peels and seeds, to avoid lectins, the proteins found in some plants that are designed to protect them from predators. Lectins are thought to potentially have a toxic or inflammatory effect.

7. Leeching is good for your complexion.So says Kerr, who has had a leech facial. (Yes, that's exactly as it sounds.) Fun fact: To save the leeches from being killed right after the session, as is commonly the practice, she took them home, and they now happily reside in her koi pond. GP’s reaction: “It’s getting Goop in here!”

8. The future of facelifts is on the go.Just give Julius Few, M.D., 10 minutes with some macrame-like needles to thread sutures under your skin and nonsurgically lift your cheeks, jawline, and neck. This FDA-approved procedure is reportedly painless but certainly made more than one of us in the 600-person audience cringe.

9. You are what you eat.You've heard the saying, sure, but have you applied it to your medicine? According to Steven Gundry, M.D., “One Advil or Aleve is like swallowing a hand grenade.” Note to self: Try eliminating refined sugar and legumes before reaching for painkillers. Dr. Myers suggests, “Turmeric and fish oils work really great for headaches.” Something to research.

10. Tree-frog venom can cure addiction.Dr. Junger uses kambo (a.k.a. Amazonian tree frog venom) to treat various ailments, including addiction. Not trying this one at home.