November 9, 2010

I think I am happy. It is a different sort of happiness than what I found on the island--that strange, quiet happiness. A self contained happiness. My DC happiness goes in all directions, tumbling. It's a spinning in place kind of happiness. I used to do that as a child--spin until I fell down, dizzy and laughing. That's how I often feel here. Off-kilter and a little bit disoriented, but glad and unafraid. In some ways everything seems very easy here. It's a funny thing, learning to handle things on your own. On the island I learned how to be by myself. I learned how to handle long stretches of time with relatively little human contact, how to be silent, how to entertain myself. I learned that I could be okay without people there to make me okay. Here, there are more people than I really know what to do with, and though I am still forming my little world, I have never felt lonely. I'd imagine I could be very lonely here. Living alone, five floors off the ground, in a city I've never spent more than a week in prior to moving here. I am lucky to have Mike here, because he has made the whole experience of reintegrating into the big bad world easy and comfortable. We go on forays out into the city, trying and tasting and talking. But it isn't even just that. It's that compared to keeping myself sane for the long, dark winter months on Gwynn's Island, coming home to an empty apartment in a strange city and being okay with it seems pretty damn simple.

So what have I been doing. Facts. I made it through midterms unscathed. I find I can't summon anywhere near the amount of anxiety and stress I used to be able to as an undergraduate. I like my classes. The writing is the hardest part, which is an odd thing, as it is a difficulty you have to create for yourself. No one else can make it difficult. The challenge is yours. I've managed, but I don't think I'm at the top of my game, yet, yet. I am rusty. What else? Mike and I went to the Rally to Restore Sanity, which was pretty fantastic, honestly. It wasn't a high-high, if that makes sense. It was more a subdued, contented thing. We jumped and clapped and laughed with the most polite group of 250,000 people imaginable. I saw Frightened Rabbit perform last week, and that was lovely. They put on an incredible show, and I would recommend seeing them should you ever find yourself in the position to. I've yet to set foot in a museum, which is, I know, shameful. There's so much to do here that I find I have to pick my battles. I have to say, one of my favorite things to do in this big strange city is to sit at the bar down the road from my apartment, drink a Guinness, and read the workshop pieces for any given week. It's loud and comfortable, and I love it. Strange, that before I know it December will roll around and I'll have five (?!) weeks off. And then before I know it, May will arrive, hot and green, and I'll have finished my first year of graduate school. But I'm getting ahead of myself, aren't I?