Sunday, November 27, 2011

Sad Sunday.

So we hadn't really been to church lately, and i had forgotten why. So since i actually had a sunday off from work, i was like "Hey Hubbs, let's go to church today!" so we got all gussied up and on our way we went. (driving our shiny new car i would like to point out! yay we got a new car, more on that later, back to the story now) So we park, and right there in the parking lot i remember why we stopped going. Babies. Literally everywhere. Everywhere you look there are couples running around holding 40 babies each. I sat there and tried to tough it out. I really did. But there were twins babies sitting right in front of me. And babies to my left and babies to my right. It was horrible. It was all i could do to stop myself from crying. I asked Hubbs if we could leave early. He asked why and i said "Because i'm sad" He said ok and back to the car we went. He immediately comforted me and said "maybe we can find a session without babies" i asked if he thought there might be a senior citizen one somewhere we could go to. Then we both laughed.

On the car ride home i definitely cried. I held back the tears for as long as i could. But seriously. You'd think i'd get over this eventually. It's been months. Months of avoiding the babypalooza that is our church. So i shall be avoiding it some more. Still definitely far too painful. I just hate it when the babies are rubbed in my face. It's like hey, everyone has babies! Babies are taking over! Oh hey look, so and so is expecting her 15th baby and she's only 30.

One day i'm sure it won't be as bad. I hold on to that hope that one day we'll get to be parents. It's just so hard waiting and hoping and that constant nagging feeling of disappointed hopes and setbacks.

I came home and snuggled Gibbs for a long while, that definitely helped. Then i just felt tired and nauseated and slept for like 3 hours. Still feeling icky now, but i'm cooking Hubbs dinner because i love him and because he's been so supportive and loving throughout all of this. My crazy emotional outbursts and depressed days.

Thinking about calling in sick to work tomorrow. Hubbs will be mad, but I feel sick and lousy and sad. That's a perfect excuse to miss work methinks.

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About Me

Went from commitment-phobe to happily married, infertile to pregnant, mother of one to mother of two, then back to mother of one, blogging my way through this lifelong journey from "if" to "when" and "then".