My husband and I love each other very much, but it breaks my heart that we have so little passion and rarely have sex. We were passionate at first, but things fizzled out. I lost confidence, and now he has erectile problems. I know this sounds selfish, but I want to feel desired and attractive again. Talking about it is difficult as he clams up and gets embarrassed. I can't confide in anyone as I'm really ashamed. Is this what it's like for a lot of people? The old, sexual version of me is still in there somewhere. I'm scared one of us will have an affair and ruin our marriage.

I'm afraid many people struggle with dwindling passion and are ashamed to talk about it, even with close friends – or each other. But if you don't want to spend the rest of your life in a sexless marriage, you must address it. Try approaching the subject gently, in a non-blaming manner, and engage your husband in the task of jointly seeking a solution. Begin by reaffirming your love for, and attraction to, him. Then express your sadness that you have "lost the spark" and ask: "What's that like for you?" Listen carefully to his answer. Ask if he would be willing to work on revitalising your sexual connection. Elicit details: "Help me to understand what works for you and what turns you off." Erectile dysfunction – and the fear of failure – can cause a man to withdraw from sex, so encourage him to seek a medical evaluation.