My cousin has a running joke with the family that she's the princess (she's an adult and this is all in fun). One day I teased her by saying I'd rather be the queen. She said (teasing), "Well the princess is young and beautiful," and I responded, "Maybe, but the queen has all the power."

Back on topic: It sounds like Clueless had a conversation with your brother that entirely took place in his head, in which he asked Bro to assist, and only then informed your brother that this conversation existed! Sadly, I'm guessing this won't be the last time Clueless does something like this.

He sounds just like my former co worker. If she is invited anywhere, the host has to come pick her up and drive her back. Not anyone else, the host. She expects everyone to wait on her and if no one bent over for her, she would whine "I have always been a princess...my dad raised me to be a princess!" This is the same woman who snagged her sister's married BIL for herself because she should be married to her twins husbands brother...then proceeded to bankrupt him with her expensive tastes and lack of money skills, then divorced him because (exact words) "if he cannot take care of me the way I should be, then the marriage is over." People like this walk among us <shudder>

I think it's fair to say he bankrupted himself by catering to her expensive tastes. Also, he clearly lacked money skills if he allowed himself to go broke...

Weeble - sounds like you want your daughter to understand that the penalty for being overly princessy can be that everybody thinks you're an annoying snot, and avoids you like the plague! Good goal!!!

MIL (who raised 6 kids - 5 boys and 1 girl) used to tell me "any little girl who can't wrap her father around her finger isn't worth her salt!" and I'd look at her and tell her I didn't WANT child OR husband who was that manipulative or easy to manipulate. I expected brains and direct behavior out of both of them...

Blargh. The implication that women/girls can only get what they want through manipulating men. Not exactly something I want to pass on to another generation.

It reminds me of a poster whose FIL was "horrified" that she ordered what she wanted in restaurants for herself and told her DH directly what she wanted in terms of the house they were purchasing together. FIL preferred women who hinted around at what they wanted without asking directly, so they could "get permission to get what they wanted."

Which brings us full circle back to Clueless. He's helpless all right. Helpless like a fox. OP, your brother handled it beautifully

***Blargh. The implication that women/girls can only get what they want through manipulating men. Not exactly something I want to pass on to another generation.

***

Exactly. I was horrified that she said it. The first time, I thought she was joking. Several repetitions made it clear that she was NOT joking, and I moved from horrified to really offended. I grew up with a ton of manipulation from multiple generations, and it does not make me happy... Ask permission - Oh HELL no. Consult - sure thing. Beat around the bush - no, thank you. Ask directly - yes, please! Life is far too short for those kinds of shenanigans!

***Blargh. The implication that women/girls can only get what they want through manipulating men. Not exactly something I want to pass on to another generation.

***

Exactly. I was horrified that she said it. The first time, I thought she was joking. Several repetitions made it clear that she was NOT joking, and I moved from horrified to really offended. I grew up with a ton of manipulation from multiple generations, and it does not make me happy... Ask permission - Oh HELL no. Consult - sure thing. Beat around the bush - no, thank you. Ask directly - yes, please! Life is far too short for those kinds of shenanigans!

I'm pretty good at reading people to know whether they're trying to manipulate me, and on the few occasions where I haven't picked up on it, LadyTango does. Trying to "manipulate" me into getting what you want is a sure-fire way to make sure that I won't give it to you.

Heh. I remember when my husband and I first started dating, and he asked me where I'd like to eat. I said "I'm really in the mood for (blah), so how about the (Yadda Yadda) Restaurant?" He agreed enthusiastically, but he had kind of a funny expression on his face. I asked him if something was wrong, and he said "Not at all - it's just that I could never get a straight answer out of my last girlfriend whenever I asked her what she'd like. She'd hum and ha, she'd aske me what I wanted, then she'd say she didn't want that ... it's just refreshing to not have to go through that with you."

Gah, DH and I are friends with a couple *well, we're still friends with the wife, we've given the stbx the cut direct, but we were at one point friends with both* who did the "Where would you like to go? Wherever you want! But I'll eat wherever you want!"

I wanted to scream "MAKE A DECISION!!!!!!" And sometimes I'd say "Hey, how about a decision on dinner before it gets to be lunchtime tomorrow?" Yeah, I know, sarcastic but we knew these people well enough to be like that.

And there were times I'd say "Okay since you two can't decide, how about pizza?" well then it became another round of "where should we order from? Papa John's? Dominoes? Pizza Hut?"

Once she said "I'm in the mood for Pizza Hut's pizza, but we can get something else since I know you don't like them." This was said to her hubby who had a bad experience working for them. Knowing him and his work ethic, the bad experience probably was because they expected him to work instead of eating.

He said "No, you want it, we'll eat there!" "No really, I don't mind eating pizza from somewhere else!" (and I do believe she meant it)"No, we're going there!" "I don't even want it anymore!""Yes you do, so let's go!"

Then the whole time we're there he's scowling and saying "I can't believe you would pick Pizza Hut and insist we eat here!"

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

DH use to pull stuff like that. He would ask where I wanted to go, I would tell him, then he would proceed to tell me about 10 other restaurants in the area. Look, I told you what I want. If you don't want that, then say so. I've picked, I don't need to know about all the other options available.

Bro has been swamped but he did relay this little anecdote to me the other day (he is lucky that he is able to find Clueless a source of amusement instead of annoyance):

Everyone has been dumping their work on him *ahem* I mean "asking for his help" in which "help" translates to "you do it." Now this is basically the work version of what Clueless has been doing, but Bro actually does have to help these guys to some extent so he can be seen as a "team player." This is the downside to having autonomy and flexibility in his job: the higher ups don't actually care who does the work as long as it gets done and is on time. If it is done wrong or late, then individual blame will be assigned. Until then, Bro can't really say no to a help request until he can prove it would interfere with his own work enough. *sigh*So of course Clueless was right there with his own "help" request, which Bro was free to put low on his priority list because Clueless is not actually on Bro's team - they are working towards the same common goal but they are not in the same section. Bro was explaining to C that he already had CloserCoworker's work to do and OtherCoworker had tapped him to help out...and Clueless was standing there saying "yeah, I feel your pain man."

Riiiiiight. Because the pain of shouldering the responsibilities of others is totally equivalent to the pain of having to do your own job because you can't find someone else to do it for you. Excuse me while I go find my eyes as I rolled them a little too hard at that last line...

Logged

"... for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."-William Shakespeare

"We find comfort among those who agree with us - growth among those who don't." ~Frank A. Clark

I went on a ski weekend with my brother and some mutual friends a few decades ago. I had hurt knees from previous skiing accidents, so I was going up to enjoy a long weekend in the snowy Sierras while the rest of the gang were planning to ski ski ski. One other guy wasn't a skier either and he brought his professional massage table. We all agreed which meals we were going to share. I volunteered to do the food shopping on my way up to the cabin. Everyone chipped it $$.

I love to cook and had a wonderful time making the breakfasts and dinners for the gang. The cabin had a built in sauna. I helped the other non-skier give massages in front of the fire. I still have warm fuzzy memories of that weekend. I got to curl up with a good book in front of the cozy fire and watch the snow fall outside. Everyone thanked me many times for taking care of the food.

The difference between that weekend and the event Clueless wanted your brother to cater was that I wanted to do the shopping and cooking. I volunteered! My choice! And everyone was appropriately, even excessively, thankful. I didn't have to ask anyone to "help" wash the dirty dishes.

Logged

"The first rule is to keep an untroubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are."