West swim coach stays out of pool, in greenhouse

Colin Shaha may coach a traditional sport — swimming — but he’s anything but. He possesses a great sense of humor, admits he only swims when necessary, and isn’t real big on getting his hair cut.

SAMUEL G. MUSTARI — For the first time since we’ve met, I couldn’t help but notice your hair was not only nicely groomed, it was also cut. Explain what went into the process.

COLIN SHAHA — Like most things I do, it didn’t take much thought. I got ’em all cut. I hadn’t even had it trimmed in four years.

SGM — Four years without much maintenance to your hair? What was behind growing it long?

CS — I’ll admit it. It was one of those ‘I wanted to make a stand for non-violence’ sort of things. In all seriousness, it was important to me.

SGM — OK, drop the seriousness from the rest of this conversation. Back to the idea of your haircut. A real, old-fashioned barber shop, or a beautician?

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CS — I did it myself. I thought you said you saw it. I went and got the largest clipper guard you can get. It took a lot longer than I thought it would. Hey, financial times are tough, and for four years, I figured shampoo was the easiest/cheapest way to go. I saved some money by cutting my own hair.

SGM — A whole $7, maybe. Was it worth it?

CS — No, it wasn’t. I was four years into growing my hair. Now, I’m four weeks into it. I cut it because it was getting in my eyes.

SGM — Clear your vision up did it?

CS — No, my vision, as always, is still foggy.

SGM — No need for a swimcap now, but the rumor is that you don’t swim. Can you clear that up?

CS — I don’t. Well, there was a time I fell off a boat in one of those lakes in Michigan, and I had to swim back to the boat. That was about six years ago.

SGM — I’m trying to get a vision here. Doggie-paddle or swim?

CS — Doggie-paddle and a little bit of breaststroke. I’m not a swimmer, I’m a swim coach.

SGM — Now, I’ll admit it that you’re sort of af an office joke here at the Tribune because you’re one of the hardest coaches to reach. We call, and the line is almost always busy, and you have explained that it’s because somebody is online. C’mon Shaha, who, in the year 2008, has dial-up Internet?

SGM — Commercials on television show monkeys using the Internet. It’s that easy. Ever watched one?

CS — I don’t have a television. We used to, but the last windstorm blew the antenna over. We’ve never put it back up. There’s nothing to watch on free television anymore anyway.

SGM — The operative word, for you anyway, is free. Can I ask if you’re frugal?

CS — Actually, I went shopping for some new pants recently. Bought a couple pairs. The kind that are pre-pressed. They’ll look good for at least a couple of weeks.

SGM — Not a fan of GQ magazine are you?

CS — I can’t even spell GQ.

SGM — I’m afraid to guess what you do with your free time. Care to share?

CS — I sit and look at the computer, waiting for the dial-up Internet to change screens. Actually, I garden a lot. I grow tomatoes, lots of vegetables. I built a greenhouse a few years ago. It’s a lot of work, and you never seem to get caught up.

SGM — You strike me as the kind of guy who could survive being stranded.

CS — I feel stranded in my own backyard. Sometimes my wife will send the dog down to bark at me.

SGM — Mr. Conservative. I won’t be surprised if you tell me you don’t drive a car. Do you?

CS — Well, I have an old Yamaha motorcycle and a Ford Ranger.

SGM — When you can’t tend to your greenhouse in the winter, what do you do?

CS — I love to stay at home. In the winter, I think about shoveling the walks, which never get shoveled. That’s when I catch up on grading papers.