Am I being ungrateful?

I need to know ! Am I ungrateful? I have been with my SO (significant other) for 3 years. We have a 2 year old and 3 month together. We’ve moved back in with MIL (mother-in-law) after being evicted from my apartment . My SO (significant other) has some issues he’s been dealing with. Not sure with what since every time I ask my MIL (mother-in-law) she doesn’t even know. He smokes weed all the time (not in the house or around the kids) but I always see him high and I hate it. He’s been smoking since very young and he uses it to calm his anxiety and if he’s tired or whatever but I tell him that’s an excuse . I have had PPD (postpartum depression) and depression dealing with a toddler and baby without his help and every time I ask him to hang out with him he honestly doesn’t . Not by himself . I ask him to take our toddler to the park and he doesn’t. I’m always with my girls . But he doesn’t want me to work until my baby is old enough. He works cash jobs only and cannot get a real job for too long or can’t pass a drug test because of the weed that he doesn’t stop for anyone . When we fight I bring up that he can’t provide like a real man and I made way more money than he did and he’s not doing enough. He works moving furniture or other labor jobs and comes home and uses the money for whatever the girls need or I need and pays for my car and other things. I haven’t seen him use any of the money for himself. He calls me ungrateful. Sometimes I feel like I’m being rude for no reason. I’ve been very very moody lately because of my depression and anxiety but i cat communicate that with him because he sees it as an excuse. I want us to last but lately it’s been so frustrating between us because I feel so unhappy but I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped because I want to have some alone time with out the kids and maybe I’ll feel a lot better but I haven’t gotten any ! and I dont want to be feeling like this but am I honestly ungrateful ?

Comments (35)

Am I being ungrateful?

I need to know ! Am I ungrateful?I have been with my SO for 3 years. We have a 2 year old and 3 month together. We’ve moved back in with MIL after being evicted from my apartment . My SO has some issues he’s been dealing with. Not sure with what since every time I ask my MIL she doesn’t even know. He smokes weed all the time (not in the house or around the kids) but I always see him high and I hate it.He’s been smoking since very young and he uses it to calm his anxiety and if he’s tired or whatever but I tell him that’s an excuse . I have had PPD and depression dealing with a toddler and baby without his help and every time I ask him to hang out with him he honestly doesn’t . Not by himself . I ask him to take our toddler to the park and he doesn’t. I’m always with my girls . But he doesn’t want me to work until my baby is old enough. He works cash jobs only and cannot get a real job for too long or can’t pass a drug test because of the weed that he doesn’t stop for anyone . When we fight I bring up that he can’t provide like a real man and I made way more money than he did and he’s not doing enough. He works moving furniture or other labor jobs and comes home and uses the money for whatever the girls need or I need and pays for my car and other things. I haven’t seen him use any of the money for himself. He calls me ungrateful. Sometimes I feel like I’m being rude for no reason. I’ve been very very moody lately because of my depression and anxiety but i cat communicate that with him because he sees it as an excuse. I want us to last but lately it’s been so frustrating between us because I feel so unhappy but I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped because I want to have some alone time with out the kids and maybe I’ll feel a lot better but I haven’t gotten any ! and I dont want to be feeling like this but am I honestly ungrateful ?

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"You can't grow if the skin don't fit you. Sometimes you gotta get low just to get through." ~Atmosphere~

"I bring up that he can’t provide like a real man and I made way more money than he did."

Gross. If that's the case he can stay home with the kids and you can get a job. If you're living with his mother then you can't afford to be a SAHM. You shouldn't be a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) anyway since you're not married.

You both need to get some professional help. Him with his anxiety and you with your PPD.

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"You can't grow if the skin don't fit you. Sometimes you gotta get low just to get through." ~Atmosphere~

So you are choosing to live and parent with an addict who has "issues," shitty employment history and prospects, opts out of parenting, fights with you, refuses to "let" you work, does not support you during mental illness and is generally rude but want to know only if you should be grateful he does not appear to spend money on himself (except of course the weed.)

It sounds like you rushed this relationship because sperm + egg happened less than a year into dating and kept making poor choices to land you here, homeless, unemployed, depressed and dependent on a stoner for everything.

This is not any kind of situation for gratitude. If you are not married you need out fast. And if you are married you will need to consult a lawyer as you are not likely to get CS from a stoner who lives with momma and works for cash.

Social service agencies and possibly thehotline.org can help you leave. Find housing and safe childcare and employment or education leading to employment so your kids have a chance as something better than being homeless and dependent on a stoner dad and enabler mom.

"I bring up that he can’t provide like a real man and I made way more mon...

Posted
11/06/2018

"I bring up that he can’t provide like a real man and I made way more money than he did."

Gross. If that's the case he can stay home with the kids and you can get a job. If you're living with his mother then you can't afford to be a SAHM. You shouldn't be a SAHM anyway since you're not married.

You both need to get some professional help. Him with his anxiety and you with your PPD.

In this case I would hesitate to leave the BF (breastfeed, or boyfriend) as childcare. He sounds too into weed to parent safely if OP (original poster) was not there. Unless her MIL (mother-in-law) is safe and willing to be childcare.

I agree with everything else, she needs a job ASAP but qualified childcare, not her stoner sperm donor.

Weed isnt an issue to me. I know many people with great jobs that smoke weed. Weed becomes an issue when it interferes with caring for your family. If you cant afford your own place then you should not be a SAHM.

1) It is utterly irresponsible to be a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) to a boyfriend. You have zero legal benefits. Not only that, YOU CANT AFFORD IT no matter what the fuck he wants. That's also controlling as fuck of him.

"He works cash jobs only and cannot get a real job for too long or can’t pass a drug test because of the weed that he doesn’t stop for anyone"

2) Get a fucking Job right fucking now. You have 2 fucking kids and kids need parents with stability. You are not giving them that. Again, despite what this loser wants, you my dear, have chosen to bring 2 kids into the world and one of you has to be a grown up and have a real job with steady employment.

3) You really need to get yourself some individual therapy. You keep choosing this man who prioritizes weed over providing for his family. What the hell are you thinking?????

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