>>>There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. <<<

And we import the other two. They make great watchdogs. A couple on the front porch keeps the burglars out. ""Most others, too""

Logged

"Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me . . . Anything can happen, child. Anything can be"

Aint sure if I should take offense to these or not? i'll drink a beer on it and then think some more.

My daughter was in third grade and I got a call cause the teacher wanted to talk to me about her speech, Said she had an ipedimant or something like that. Well I went into the school and sat in one of these little third grade chairs, Teacher introduced herself and told me she was concerned about Michelle maybe having a speech impedement. We talked for a few minutes as she was trying to explain to me what an impedement was. Finally she quit talking for a minute and asked me a few questions, then she said Mister Harvey I must apologize for I think I am waistin your time. I asked her what she meant and she said "Mr. Harvey, your daughter talks just like you!' Wasn't sure what to think of that, Recon Michelle didn't have no problem no more though and never heard from the teacher again.

Arbitrator: A cook that leaves Arby's to go work at McDonald'sAvoidable: What a ranch hand does walking through the cattle pen.Baloney: Where some hemlines fall.Bernadette: The act of torching your mortgage papers.Burglarize: What a crook sees with.Control: A short, ugly inmate.Counterfeiters: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.Heroes: What a guy in a boat does.Misty: How golfers create divots.Paradox: Two doctors.Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower.Pharmacist: A ranch hand.Polarize: What penguins see with.Primate: The act of removing your spouse from the spot on the couch in front of the TV.Relief: What trees do in the spring.Rubberneck: What you do to convince your wife to turn over the TV remote.Seamstress: Describes your overweight cousin trying on jeans.Subdued: The guy at the sandwich shop counter.Sudafed: The act of bringing litigation against the US Government.

What I've Learned Growing Up:

Age 7: I learned that our dog doesn't want my broccoli either.Age 9: I learned that when I wave to people driving down the road, they wave back.Age 15: I learned that city people don't wave back.Age 22: I learned that life isn't always fair.Age 26: I learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's greatest pleasures.Age 33: I learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there.Age 42: I learned that there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it.