Will & Grace

Will & Grace, was a popular U.S. TV series that ran from 1998–2006, that focused on Will Truman, a gay attorney, his best friend Grace Adler, a straight Jewish woman who runs her own interior design firm, Karen Walker, a very rich socialite and Jack McFarland, an effeminate gay struggling actor. The show took place in New York City.

Yours, Mine, or Ours [1.16]

Secrets and Lays [1.17]

Grace: Don't answer that. It's probably just the wind... blowing a pine cone against the door... three times in rapid succession.

Grace: Your cook's name is 'Cook'?'

Karen: No, Grace, he has a name. I just don't remember it. No wait a minute, it'll come to me, it'll come to me... "Where are my damned eggs... Paul!" Paul. God, Paul is dead. Now who the hell is gonna cook for us?!

[hearing that her Cook is dead, Karen decides to try and cook.]

Karen: Men, go hunt wild game, there's a White Hen Pantry three miles down the hill.

[She throws the keys at Jack and Will. They let it fall to the ground making no attempt to catch it.]

Grace: Karen, the gays don't catch.

[Grace thanks Karen for letting them use the cabin. After which she responds]

Karen: Oh, no problem, honey, Stan had to take the kids down to Scaresdale to see their real mother. What was her name? Wait a minute, it'll come to me..."Stan, take the kids to see that bitch...Kathy!"

"Polk Defeats Truman" [2.05]

Grace:Your lips can go from here [points to Will's lips] to HERE! [points to her butt]

The Hospital Show [2.17]

[An extremely young nurse enters to take Grace's blood.]

Grace: Isn't— isn't there someone else who is a little more… experienced? Someone who didn't drive in… on a Big Wheel?

Nurse Pittman: [in a lispy Valley girl lilt] Oh, I don't drive. I keep taking the test over and over again, but I'm all, "This is hard!"

[Jack runs by the waiting area.]

Will: Gay ferrets to the waiting area, gay ferrets to the waiting area.

Season 3

New Will City [3.01]

Grace: [to Will] My love for you is like this scar. Ugly, but permanent.

"Belgin and Yashir go to the park" [3.08]

Grace: That's not a compliment! A compliment is 'you're sexy', 'you turn me on', not 'one look at you proves I'm a queer!

Belgin: Are you revealing your nipples?

Yashir: Don't watch that.

Belgin: This is unethical.

Yashir: That explains the little bald man.

Belgin: I do not like your bald man

Yashir: Why not?

Belgin: Your item is rather small.

Yashir: Don't watch that.

Belgin: Watch what?

Yashir: My compact piece.

Coffee and Commitment [3.10]

Jack: Hey friends, lovers, mothers, and other strangers you are never going to believe what happened to me. [trips] Oh my God, did you see that? I almost did a half-nelson, I almost bruised my delicates, my delicates, my domo arigatos, mister tomatoes. [takes a drink of ice coffee and pulls out a second ice coffee from inside a bad] Huge news! I have met, are you ready for this, mister right. Well, mister right now anyway, ba-dum-dum, good night folks, I’m here all week! Jack 2000! [takes another sip of ice coffee] He works over at the Jumpin’ Java. You know, that coffee shop over on 72nd and his name is Paul and he is cute with a capital Q! And the busier it gets, the hotter he gets and the hotter he gets, the sweatier he gets, and the sweatier he gets….I forgot where I am going with this, but, the point is [takes another sip] me likey he and he likey me and the best part is shazam he gives me free ice coffee every time I go in which is every hour on the hour and thank you very much and occasionally on the half hour. Ba-da-da-da-da-da! [blows raspberry]

"Swimmin' Pools...Movie Stars" [3.11]

Karen: Good Lord. I can't believe I'm at a public pool. Why doesn't somebody just pee directly on me?

My Uncle the Car [3.14]

Karen: Oh my God. She just asked a fairy an engine question. We're all gonna die in this car!

Will: Karen, you're not going to die. It would take a silver bullet and a wooden stake to do that.

Nun: My family dropped me off at a convetit when I was three. Yeah, they told me that I was going to the zoo. I was so excited, they dressed me up, gave me a lollipop. All I wanted to do was see the peniguns. Ironic, isn`t it?

"Cheaters, Part I" [3.15]

Karen: You wouldn't happen to have a breath mint, would you?

Lady: Why, yes, I do. It's in my purse.

Karen: Well, pop it! It's not doing you any good in there!

Lady: How offensive!

Karen: Honey, it's your breath, not mine.

Karen: Honey, how can you drink straight orange juice first thing in the morning?

Season 4

"Bed, Bath, and Beyond" [4.07]

Grace: Will, make it stop. Shake a can of pennies at it. (About Jack who is trying to make her cry)

"Moveable Feast" [4.09]

Will: I'm hungry.

Grace: I'm thirsty.

Karen: I could hump a tree.

Jingle Balls [4.12]

Karen: I've been on Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer, on Vixen, on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner, but not on Blitzen. He likes to watch, ok?!

Karen: Grace! It's Christmas for goodness sake! Think about the baby Jesus. Up in that tower, letting his hair down so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see that there's six more weeks of winter.

A Chorus Lie [4.15]

Owen: Well, I believe she also said, "Hey, Cuba, Canada, cowgirl, Crazy, get out of my light and away from my snacks, bitch."

Jack: Why don't we start with some vocal exercises. [quickly] What gym do you go to? Why haven't I seen you in the clubs? And who have we slept with in common?

Owen: I work out at home. I'm allergic to smoke. And I'm in a long-term relationship with my high school boyfriend.

Jack: Name?

Owen: Ben.

Jack: I know him.

Owen: No, you don't.

Jack: How do you know?

Owen: He told me you don't.

"Cheatin' Trouble Blues" [4.18]

Karen: I'll never forget it, my fellow office workers and I were heading down to lunch, and suddenly the lights went out, the elevator dropped and Dennis Hopper said he would kill us if his demands weren't met. Thank god Keanu Reeves was there to get us out.

Season 8

The Finale [8.23]

Karen: Well, we need to do something to get Will and Grace back together! Honey, it's been almost two years!

Jack: Well, why does it always fall on us to help those two?!

Karen: I know, Poodle. You know, sometimes it seems like our sole purpose in life is just to… serve Will and Grace.

Jack: Right… It's like, all people see when they look at us are [dumbly] the supporting players on the Will and Grace show!

Unidentified episode

Will

"What are you dressed for? open heart surgery?!"

(Will asking Grace about her slinky open red shirt she was wearing for a date)

Change everything about your personality.

Pilot

That's why I should never meet a legend. It's always disappointing, like the time I met Big Bird at the Ice Capades. Not so big.

To Ben Ducette when Will first meets him.

(Actually Episode 8, of season 2)

Grace

[to Will] You are more gay before 9 a.m. than most people are all day.

And I was at Bloomingdale's this morning waiting in line to buy wrinkle cream, and this Jennifer-Love-Sarah-Michelle-Felicity looking thing bumps into me and says, 'Excuse me, ma'am'.

I guess I've never really thought about Karen's family. Well, I have but I pictured them living in pods in a storm cellar somewhere and they only came out at night to race from village to village stealing people's essences.

Karen

Oh, you must be poor.

Grace, tell Will to redirect his anger at his mother where it belongs.

Thats like saying Prada's are just shoes, or vodka is just a morning beverage!!!

Rosario : "Sorry I'm late, did I miss girls night?"

Karen: "Honey you missed "girls" night by about a hundred years"

(To a woman shopping while wearing a yellow sweater)

Honey, I'd rethink the yellow. It's making you look a little Heppy B.

That's just another one of those buzz words that people throw around that don't really mean anything like "maternal" or "addiction."

Jack

Ladies and gentlemen, fresh from 45 minutes of butt-robics, I give you my ass!

There are no straight men, only men that haven't met Jack.

Karen, I'm shocked! You drank milk?

Dialogue

Will: Huh! Honey, I don't need your man. I got George Clooney.

Grace: Sorry, babe. He doesn't bat for your team.

Will: Well... He hasn't seen me pitch.

From the Pilot Episode

Jack: I just got your message. You needed to see my ass and pee?

Will: I needed to see you A.S.A.P.

Karen: Hey Poodle, love your scooter.

Jack: Thanks. Love your hooters.

Jack: Got anything written on your freakishly tinier boob?

Karen: It's only smaller when its scared.

(After Karen had tried to get Jack to cheat in the Gay Spelling Bee

Jack:(to an author) Your book sucks!

Author:Perhaps you could be a little more specific in your analysis.

Jack:Oh, dont try to confuse me by speaking French!

Unformatted

[Jack has accidentally slammed the door onto Grace's face, and she leaves clutching her nose.]Jack:[Calling after her] Oooh, I'm sorry. Don't worry honey, if it's broken, we'll get it fixed! [Aside to Will] For the second time.
Grace:[Sticking her head through the window to the room.] I heard that, you bitch.
Jack: Sorry ma'am, you pick up your fries at the next window. [Closes window and waves goodbye.]

Jack:[Talking about his catering] And I'll have eight men underneath me, isn't that great?!
Will: Eight men underneath you? What, you joined the gay "Make a Wish" foundation?

Jack: You couldn't do my job for one night. I challenge you!
Will: Ok, I'll do it.
Jack:Ha! I knew you wouldn't do it, because you are scared...Will: I agreed.
Jack: ...What just happened?

"What's so great about a man anyway? All they do is manhandle your boobs and eat all the ham!"

-Karen, on Stan

Will, Jack: We're here! We're queer! Give us a light beer!

Okay, okay, we get it! Attention hikers, all trails lead to Mount Grace!

Jack, calming Grace down after she decides to start dating again after her divorce

HEY PREGGO, WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HERPES BEFORE?!

Karen in a toystore, yelling at a woman who was staring at Grace. Grace had a swollen mole on her lip (caused by surgery where she tried to freeze it off).

Shouldn't you be in your tree making cookies?

Karen, talking to Beverly Leslie

I'm Not Leaving Town Without My Daughter Because I Have a Brain Tumor, But Don't Hit Me, You Have a Drinking Problem.

Will, in response to when Grace asked which Lifetime movie was on.

Does it hurt when you kiss your own ass while you bend over backwards?

Will talking to his boss, Ben

This, this lie... is so BIG... it requires paperwork and a notary!

Grace talking to Will about making an offer to Sandra Bernhardt for her apartment.

Close your mouth, it looks like you're missing a chromosome!

Karen while Grace was imitating someone she saw on TV

And, honey? That colour doesn't even look good on an orange, okay?

Grace's intern Gillian, whilst 'being' Karen.

And you know what they say: if the hag hates you, the fag won't date you!

Will being angry after he made a bad impression on his boyfriend's best friend

Will [as Mrs. Adler]: Honey, I'm just so thrilled about you and your little pillow store, but did I tell you the Schenectady Times said that my performance in Rent stole the show!

Grace: Well, I'm not surprised. I mean, look at you, Mom. You were born to play an adolescent struggling with homelessness and heroin addiction.

I don't think I've seen him this upset since they hired a female urologist at the free clinic.

Grace

Vodka, it's not just a breakfast drink anymore.

Karen

Looking back on it… There have been clues. When you were a child, you were overly fond of the nursery rhyme "Rub-a-dub-dub, 3 men in a tub". And you do have a lot of flamboyantly gay friends. I mean, look at Will!

Jack's mother, after Jack told her he was gay

Honey, I haven't slept since 1972 but thank you!

Karen, after Rosario tells her that she better sleep with one eye open that night as a threat.

Oh… and one more thing… [hangs up phone]

Karen

Unless you're served in a frosted glass, you don't come within four feet of my lips!

Karen

Will, what is the point of having a gay best friend if you're not gonna dress me?

Grace, after asking Will if her outfit looked good.

Husbands come and go, but the Chanel slingback is forever!

Karen

[in thick New York accent] You know what I'm talking about you big moot with the ninety mile-an-hour hair?

Grace to Will, after she moved into her Brooklyn apartment

I've got to tell you… I find these toilets that flush themselves very threatening.

Rosario

Grace: Tell me you haven't drank your lunch yet!

Karen: Come on Honey, I just finished drinking breakfast, you gotta give the liver a little time to digest!

Don't Worry Jackie, I'll kick coffee too! I'll just have to get used to drinking my Bailey's Straight. It'll still be the best part of waking up!

Karen to Jack, when she is helping him with his caffiene addiction.

Knock knock, anyone ho-mo?

Karen, walking into Will's apartment.

After my body accepts your liver, I am through with you!

Karen to someone on the phone.

How about bringing the noise down to foghorn level?

Karen talking to Rosario.

Ok now i get it, you're comin in loud and queer!

Karen, after Will finished explaining something to her.

Jack: You are not gay! Say something, something… lesbionic.

Rosie O'Donnell in character: [shrugs] Home Depot…

I couldn't help overhearing, because I was standing here listening..

Jack

Listen, you gotta talk to that shower head. He got a little fresh. I had to put him in his place. Well… my place.

Karen to Grace

Oh honey, I got a fake laugh with your name all over it.

Karen

Haha, and I thought you didn't have lovehandles! I guess we're both wrong, Hahaha!

Jack to Will

You're a mystery, wrapped in riddle, surrounded by enigma.

Grace to Will.

You look like a GAY-lien! Haha!

[in an alien voice] We come in peace, please do not re-arrange our furniture!

Will and Grace making fun of a costume Jack is wearing

You know, I had a dream once. To be rich and beautiful and have a great body. Oh look, my dream came true!

Karen

Candy: Listen. As much as I'd love to stay here sweatin' with the oldies, I'm getting a little woozy from the booze-y seeping from your enlarged pores.

Karen: Oh, honey, they're not enlarged. They're just in shock over that hair color.

I have no idea what you just said.

Karen

Oh honey, everything I say about you behind your back is true.

Karen to Grace

What's in the bag, fag?

Jack, to Will

Because, Karen Walker helps people. You know, I was just a scared single mom working in a factory, trying to put food on the table, but when I heard about the barbaric conditions in our workplace, I knew something had to be done. I didn't even care how management was gonna brutalize me. No. I stood up on that table, I rang that bell, and I said 'Union! Union! Union!'

Karen, in responce to Grace when she asked why Karen should be allowed to be among decent people

Time to pay the corkage fee, Crazy!

Karen to Molly Shannon's charachter at an AA meeting

Aww, honey. I love you like a coldsore.

Karen to Joan Collins as Helena Barnes

Honey, it's just an award they invented to keep gay men off the streets for a night.

Karen, talking to James Earl Jones about the Tony Awards

Come on! Move, move, moooove!

Karen to Grace (who was wearing a cow-print dress)

What is she doing here? Shouldn't she be bobbing for boyfriends down at the "Y"?

Karen

Sorry, fruit. You're out of the loop.

Karen to Jack

Oh yeah? Well I think stretch pants are awful, but I am too much of a lady to say it, FAT ASS.

Karen, in response to when Cheryl tells her she is an awful person

Honey, you are eight feet of misery in a four foot sack.

(said to Karen)

I brought party mix, complete with uppers, downers and candy corn. Just don't tell my doctor; he is trying to get me off sugar.

Karen

Grace. It's Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus: up in that tower, letting his hair down, so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dreidel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.

Karen trying to get Grace in the Christmas spirit

How did you hurt your back? Running away from good taste?

Karen

No one in the world would believe you're straight. You're as gay as a clutchpurse on Tony night. You fell outta the gay tree, hitting every gay branch on the way down. And ya landed on a gay guy. AND ya did 'em. No, no, honey, your gayness can be seen from space.

Karen

Oh, sorry I'm late. I wanted to make sure I missed most of dinner.

Karen after she shows up late to Will's birthday dinner

Honey, Stan can't make it. He's having some work done on his Mercedes. Or his… kidneys… I wasn't really paying attention.

Karen

Nice dress, Where are Fred and Ethel?

Karen to Grace

Pssst… I'd like you to eat me.

Karen

I love him like a son of a bitch! And I mean that literally, 'cause Stan's sister really is a bitch.

Karen talking about her nephew

Beverly Leslie with your shorts so tight, won't you be my partner tonight?

Karen to Beverly Leslie

Well you will be my bitch, which means you will be molested at any point in time while we're here.