Descending into Madness

Who in their right mind said that sitting in a cube is the way to spend eight hours per day of life? I want to smack the person who thought it was a great idea to call this open faced prison a cubicle. I low key like squares less and less everyday. That’s just odd, but it is true.

I am going mad. I think I am mad (as in angry) because I made the choice to spend a chunk of my waking life in a box. The box may have changed shape and color but it is a box all the same. As much as I can’t stand being stuck inside it, I somehow convinced myself that I could make this life work.

I can find inner peace so my attention is not drawn to life inside the box. I can choose to live life from the inside out.

I can fold and bend myself so that I don’t outgrow life inside the box. The box is my comfort zone; the source of my stability.

On the contrary, I know that if life doesn’t grow it dies. How many of us are dying just a little each day, because we are denying ourselves the privilege of growing?

By nature, I am egocentric. I said it. I have spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I got where I am, like some unknown force (not me) got me here. The truth is an unseen force is responsible for where I am today. That invisible energy is fear. Fear gave me permission to settle.

“Comfort” and “stability” are NOT synonymous. Look it up. They are not the same. If the two were the ends of a seesaw, fear would be the pivot. I am making a choice to get the fuck off this ride ASAP. Quite frankly, it’s boring- and I am tired of being bored. Settling is stunting my growth and I am no longer comfortable here.

We all need to get a little mad sometimes. Usually, great things come from taking a walk on the dark side. Eyes adjust to the light that comes from the realization that the box I thought I was stuck in always had an open side.