How do you still break my heart after so many damn years? I get it now… I keep asking you for something you just don’t know how to give me. Or maybe you don’t have it to give at all. Can I fault you for that? I know I keep faulting myself. WHY CAN’T YOU JUST SEE ME? love me? Does anybody really ever see anybody else? I’m sorry it makes you feel so conflicted. I only want to understand… and… perhaps see. Don’t you get that all these years, I have only wanted to see you too?

Is it wrong to want so little, so much? I don’t know. I just know it tears me up every time I try to find that line, that thread that connects me to you. And with every question I ask, you just think I’m trying to hurt you? I don’t understand. And you tell me it’s just me. Why do I have to make it so difficult? Why do I need to know?

Somedays I want to run so far far away… find that solitude, cut away my past. What if its the only way I can find myself? But the strongest sword in the world never seems to completely hack away that tie.

You say it like I have some devious plot- to throw a bomb out into the midst and see what kind of conflict I can stir up? Don’t you understand, the bomb dropped forever ago. Its the shrapnel in my heart I’m trying to clear out. Pieces with your name on it… just… help me. Please.

But you don’t know how.

=-=-=

This will probably make nearly zero sense. But this is the song I’m feeling right now. It’s about a different kind of relationship so I changed the words to my words down below. Just seemed to fit for me.

All the world just stopped now. So you say you don’t want to try to understand anymore

Let me take a deep breath…

if you need me, me and him’ll be hanging out with the dream king.

He says hi, by the way

It don’t believe it’s cause me and Charles Manson like the same ice cream.

I think it’s “that girl”. I know there are pieces of me you’ve never seen. Maybe I’m just pieces of me you’ve never seen well.

All the world is all I am

The black of the blackest ocean and that tear in your hand

All the world is dangling dangling dangling for me darlin’

You don’t know the power that you have with that tear in your hand.

Maybe I ain’t used to maybes smashing in a cold room

Cutting my hands up every time I touch you

Maybe it’s time to wave goodbye now… time… to wave… goodbye

Caught a ride with the moon.

I know you well, well better than I used to

Haze all clouded up my mind in the daze of the way it could’ve never been

"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, 'God is crying', and if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, 'Probably because of something you did'." ~ Jack Handey