In today's team-oriented workplace, the development of good
interpersonal communication skills is an important key to success.

The following self-assessment exercise is designed to help you
evaluate your own
interpersonal communication skills and style, and provide you
with helpful tips for
becoming a good communicator - and team player!

Communication Skills Self-Assessment Exercise

In each of the following, read items A, B, and C, then mark the
one that best describes your communication style. (24 total)

1. ___ A. When conversing
with others, I usually do most of the talking.
___ B. When conversing
with others, I usually let the other person do most
of the talking.
___ C. When conversing
with others, I try to equalize my participation in the
conversation.

Best answer:
c. Conversations should be a balanced two-way flow of dialogue.

2. ___ A. When I first meet
someone, I wait for the other person to make the
introduction first.
___ B. When I first meet
someone, I introduce myself with a smile and offer a
handshake.
___ C. When I first meet
someone, I hug the person.

Best answer:
b. It's good to initiate the introduction and introduce yourself
with a handshake and smile. If
shaking hands is difficult, a quick head nod is
a good substitute. Initiating
the introduction with a smile and handshake (or
head nod) helps build rapport.

3. ___ A. I usually
"warm-up" new conversations with small
talk.
___ B. I usually avoid
small talk and jump into more important matters.
___ C. I usually avoid
starting conversations.

Best answer:
a. It's good to initiate conversations with small talk. Topics
to
warm-up the conversation might
include a chat about the weather, news of
interest, or impressions about the
current activity (if you're at a meeting,
staff party, or other gathering, for
example).

Examples of
conversation starters might be:

"It's sure warm
today, isn't it?"
"Did you hear about the big
accident on the freeway? Traffic's backed-up for
miles."
"What did you think about the
Blazers game last night?"
"This is a nice party, isn't
it?"
"Could I get you something to
drink?"

4. ___ A. I make an effort
to remember and use peoples' names.
___ B. I don't pay
attention to names as I tend to forget them.
___ C. I only learn the
names of important people.

Best answer:
a. It's good to call people by name whenever possible. It
makes
a good, lasting impression, and it
makes the other person feel important and
special. To help remember
names, try these techniques:

Repeat:
After the person tells you his or her name, immediately use it several
times in the conversation.

Associate:
Associate the person's name to something unique and special.
You might:

Associate the person's name with a unique feature
about
the person. For example:

"Gilda has beautiful green eyes."

Think - "GG" - Green Gilda

"Jack tells funny jokes."

Think - "JJ" - Joking Jack

Associate the name with a visual picture.
For example:

"Sandy" - visualize a sandy beach.

"Glenn" - visualize John Glenn
launching
into space.

Associate the name with a personal connection.
For example:

"Brian" - My uncle's name is Brian.

"Lucy" - I had a turtle named
Lucy.

Jot: Jot
the person's name down with an identifying description that will help
jog your memory later. For example:

"Chuck" - tall; glasses; works
in Accounting; has
twin sister;
runs marathons; new to Portland.

5. ___ A. I frequently use
courtesy words and phrases - "Please," "Thank you,"
"You're welcome," "I'm sorry."
___ B. I occasionally use
these courtesy words and phrases.
___ C. I never use these
courtesy words and phrases.

Best answer:
a. Regular use of these courtesy words and phrases is important
to show politeness and build rapport.

6. ___ A. I tend to be
serious and don't smile often while conversing.
___ B. I smile all the
time while conversing.
___ C. I smile at
appropriate times while conversing.

Best answer:
c. Smiling when greeting people and at appropriate times greatly
helps build rapport.

7. ___ A. I make eye contact
while conversing.
___ B. I sometimes make
eye contact while conversing.
___ C. I never make eye
contact while conversing.

Best answer:
a. Making eye contact is important for building rapport. It
gives
the impression you're interested and
engaged in the conversation, and you
have good
self-confidence.

Eye contact should
include frequent breaks to avoid staring (this can make
the other person
uncomfortable). Break eye contact frequently - glance down
to the side, then quickly make eye
contact again. Glancing down to the side
is important. If you instead
glance to the side (as if looking out the window,
for example) or look up, it gives the
person the impression you're distracted
and not paying attention to what's
being said. This quickly breaks down rapport.

8. ___ A. While conversing,
I hold my head still at all times.
___ B. While conversing,
I nod my head at appropriate times.
___ C. While conversing,
I nod my head constantly.

Best answer:
b. Occasionally nodding your head to indicate you agree or
understand helps build rapport.
Again, it shows you are interested and engaged
in the conversation.

9. ___ A. While conversing, I stand
one-foot away from the person.
___ B. While conversing, I stand two-
to three-feet away from the person.
___ C. While conversing, I stand
five- to six-feet away from the person.

10. ___ A. I often stand while talking to a
person who is sitting.
___ B. I often sit while
talking to a person who is sitting.
___ C. I often lean down while
talking to a person who is sitting.

Best answer: b.
Communicating at eye level helps build rapport. So, if the
person is sitting and a chair is available,
take a seat! There's one exception -
If you walk into your supervisor's office
or co-worker's office, it's best to ask
the supervisor or co-worker if you can sit
down first. Even better, wait for an
invitation to sit. The person may not
have time to talk at that moment.

11. ___ A. To end a conversation, I often just
leave.
___ B. To end a conversation, I
begin to look impatient hoping the person
will get the hint.
___ C. To end a conversation, I
wrap up with a closing statement.

Best answer:
c. It's best to bring the conversation to an end by making a
polite closing comment or gesture.
Good closing (wrap-up) comments
might be:

"I've enjoyed
talking with you."
"Let me give you my business
card."
"Well, I need to go speak
with...."
"Do you know a person I can
contact?"

12. ___ A. If a co-worker has put on weight, I
say nothing about it.
___ B. If a co-worker has put
on weight, I tell the person that he or she has
changed in appearance.
___ C. If a co-worker has put
on weight, I honestly tell the person that he
or she looks fat.

Best answer:
a. It's best to say nothing. Never say anything that might
hurt or
offend the person. It's called being tactful.
It's always best to give compliments
only, and only say things that will make
the person feel good.

"I like your dress."
"That's a nice shirt."

13. ___ A. When I'm listening to the speaker,
I often cross my arms over my chest.
___ B. When I'm listening to
the speaker, I often lean back and turn my body
away from the speaker.
___ C. When I'm listening to
the speaker, I often lean slightly forward and face
my body toward the speaker.

Best answer:
c. Leaning slightly forward and facing the speaker shows you're
interested, and it helps build
rapport. Sitting with your arms crossed over your
chest gives the message you are
defensive. Leaning back with your body or
turning your body away from the speaker
gives the message that you are bored,
disinterested, or feel in charge.
Such body language breaks down rapport.

Best answer:
a. Crossing your leg toward the speaker shows you're interested,
and it builds rapport. Crossing your
leg away from the speaker gives the message
that you are defensive, disinterested, or
feel in charge. In essence, you are putting
up a subtle barrier. And if you bob
or swing your foot, you're sending the message
that you're anxious or nervous!

15. ___ A. While listening, I tend to be
distracted by things going on around me.
___ B. While listening, I
listen for meaning and ask questions.
___ C. While listening, I watch
the person speak, but I don't "hear" a word.

Best answer:
b. If you're a good listener, you keep mentally busy searching for
for meaning in the message, and you ask
questions. This mental "search for
meaning" helps keep you focused,
attentive, and engaged. If you get easily
distracted, try taking notes if the setting
is appropriate. Note-taking helps draw
and focus your attention as you must
mentally "search for meaning" and listen for
information in order to take notes.
This might be helpful in meetings, for example.

If you watch someone speak
but you don't "hear" a word, gauge if you are bored,
tired, might have a gap between your
speaking and listening rates, or are
experiencing "emotional
deafness." We all experience emotional deafness
on occasion, especially when we're feeling
overwhelmed, upset, or nervous. You
hear people ask - "I'm sorry,
what did you say?" or make the comment - "I have
a lot on my mind right now. Could you
repeat what you said?" If it's a frequent
problem, gauge the source and seek help if
needed.

16. ___ A. When someone talks about an
unfortunate or sad experience, I don't
comment about it.
___ B. When someone talks about
an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to
change the subject.
___ C. When someone talks about
an unfortunate or sad experience, I try to
relate to the person's feelings and show sensitivity to his or her
misfortune.

Best answer: c.
Showing empathy (sensitivity) to another person's feelings helps
build rapport. It's called
"reaching out to people." Empathy can be shown by making
comments, such as:

"That must have been
a scary (or upsetting) experience for you."
"I felt the same way when that
happened to me."
"I know (understand) how you
feel."
"I can imagine how you feel."
"I would feel that way too in your
situation."

17. ___ A. When I discuss a topic, I tend to
talk about and focus on positive (good)
aspects.
___ B. When I discuss a topic,
I tend to talk about and focus on the negative (bad)
aspects.
___ C. When I discuss a topic,
I tend to complain.

Best answer:
a. Focusing on the positive (good) aspects draws people's attention
in a favorable way, and people enjoy the
conversation more. People are generally
more attracted to a person who has a
"positive outlook on life." And when it comes
to work evaluations, positive-minded people
generally do better. Consider the
following examples:

Positive: "The plan has some
good ideas."
Negative:
"The plan has some serious problems."
Complaint: "No one ever
listens to my ideas."

Positive: "These changes might
have some benefits."
Negative:
"These changes would be awful."
Complaint: "I'm always
having to relearn and re-do everything around
here."

18. ___ A. When I have a negative opinion or
comment, I just say it.
___ B. When I have a negative
opinion or comment, I lead in with a positive
comment first.
___ C. When I have a negative
opinion or comment, I say nothing.

Best answer:
b. It's best to say something positive first, then express a
negative
opinion or comment in a tactful way.
Consider these examples:

Positive lead:

"I like many aspects
of your idea (positive lead), but it may not work well
for this department." (tactfully
stated)

Interpretation: The idea won't work.

Positive lead:

"You did a nice job
setting the bread plates and glasses (positive lead), but the forks need to be placed to
the left." (tactfully stated)

Interpretation: The forks are in the wrong place.

Positive lead (with
empathy):

"I know you worked a
long time on this (positive lead), but it would
look better retyped." (tactfully
stated)

Interpretation:
It needs to be retyped.

19. ___ A. When I receive unfavorable
feedback, I note where I need to improve.
___ B. When I receive
unfavorable feedback, I get angry and defensive.
___ C. When I receive
unfavorable feedback, I deny the problem, make
excuses, or plead ignorance.

Best answer:
a. When you receive feedback, it's important to know what you
do well, but it's equally important to know
where improvements can be made
to increase your chances for success.
Few people do everything well, and
you've undoubtedly heard the saying -
"No one is perfect." Simply make note
of "weak" areas (we all have
them!) and make changes needed. Receiving
honest feedback is truly "a
gift." It usually means someone cares and wishes
to see you succeed.

20. ___ A. When I give a person negative
feedback, I focus on the person's
observable work or behavior and offer suggestions.
___ B. When I give a person
negative feedback, I focus on what I don't like
about the person.
___ C. When I give a person
negative feedback, I simply tell the person what
to do right.

Best answer:
a. When you give negative feedback, you should focus on and
communicate yourobservations of the
person's work or behavior, not focus on
nor judge the person. Focus on
performance, not personality (or personal traits).
After sharing your observation about the
person's work or behavior, offer a
suggestion in a tactful way. Consider
these examples:

Example 1:

"The forms you
completed were thoroughly done (positive lead), but I
notice (observation) there are a
few spelling errors (work feedback). Perhaps they can be corrected with
correction fluid (suggestion)."

Important:
Notice it says - "...there are a few spelling errors"
instead of - "you
made a few spelling errors." Leave out
"you" whenever possible.

Example 2:

"Your presentation
covered the main points very well (positive lead), but I noticed (observation)
contact information was left out (work
feedback). I wonder if it might
be good to include a contact name
and phone number (suggestion)."

Notice it says - "...contact information was left out"
instead of -
"you left out contact information." It avoids using
"you."

Example 3:

"I like your ideas (positive lead), but it appears (observation)
the delivery
(communication style or behavior) weakens them. Perhaps they could be
written down and handed out to everyone to review (suggestion).

21. ___ A. When I give a person negative
feedback, I do it around others so
everyone can hear.
___ B. When I give a person
negative feedback, I do it in front of the
supervisor.
___ C. When I give a person
negative feedback, I talk with the person alone
in a private place.

Best answer:
c. It's always best to meet the person privately and away from
other people so others can't hear.

22. ___ A. When I disagree with a person, I
listen first, ask questions for clarification,
then disagree non-judgmentally.
___ B. When I disagree with a
person, I quickly point out the person is wrong
and why.
___ C. When I disagree with a
person, I say little or nothing.

Best answer:
a. It's fine to disagree, but it's important to disagree
agreeably.
This means you should:

1) show respect for
the other person's ideas,
2) listen attentively until the
person is done,
3) ask questions if needed,
4) disagree non-judgmentally, and,
if possible,
5) offer an alternative solution.

Consider these examples:

"I respect your view, John, (shows respect) but I
think the problem is due to a
lack of time (point of disagreement). One way to solve the
problem might be
to computerize repair reports (offered solution)."

"I hear what you're saying (shows respect), but it
seems the staff would do
better, not worse, with flextime schedules (point of disagreement).
I would
suggest we try it for six months (offered solution)."

23. ___ A. When I'm in a group, I tend to
frown a lot.
___ B. When I'm in a group, I
tend to smile and use humor at appropriate times.
___ C. When I'm in a group I
tend to be serious.

Best answer:
b. At appropriate times, it's always good to smile. And
when
used at appropriate times and in
appropriate ways, humor is beneficial for
group dynamics. Humor helps
"break the ice" when people first meet. Humor
helps relieve stress and tension. A
humorous observation and comment helps
lower the heat when a heated discussion
gets too "hot." And most importantly,
humor helps build team cohesiveness.

If you observe people at a
gathering, you'll notice people naturally gravitate
toward people considered
"approachable." Approachable people are the ones
who smile; they are the ones who add
humor and lightness to
conversations; and they are the ones
who make fun of themselves in a self-
deprecating and humorous way. In any
group setting, smiles attract, and
humor bonds people together. Do you
know a good joke?

Idea: If
you're like many people who have difficulty remembering humorous
lines, puns, anecdotal stories, or jokes,
consider creating a humor file. Clip
and save humorous jokes, stories, and puns
from the newspaper. Write down
and save jokes and funny stories you
hear. Your file will be a good resource
to draw from for upcoming social events and
gatherings.

This last item has four choices (A, B, C or D).
Which one best describes you?

approach and view problems and experiences
from different perspectives;

rely on intuition, not logic, for making decisions;

dislike structure.

Best answer: The one that fits you! The four
choices above describe and
identify four communication (and learning) styles, and no one
style is better
than the other. This part of the exercise merely serves to illustrate how
people
can (and do) think, act, learn, and communicate differently. Each person
in
a
group may have a different style.

How well you are able to recognize, respect, and adjust to other people's
way of communicating and "doing things" is a key to success when
working
with a supervisor, group of people, or class instructor.

For example, if you are a "free thinker" - you like to brainstorm
ideas and do
what "feels right" - you might find it frustrating working with
(or learning from)
a
"thinker" - a person who focuses on and approaches tasks and ideas
based
on logic, reasoning, and organized structure. The "thinker"
would be equally
frustrated working with a person or group that loosely brainstorms ideas all
afternoon.

How successfully "opposites" work together largely depends on how
willing
and well each person is able to adjust to the other's style. Flexibility
and
compromise are key.

If you find yourself working with a supervisor, co-worker, team player, or
instructor who has a style that differs from your own, recognize and respect
the other person's individual style, and learn to accommodate the person's
style as much as possible.

Consider these "how-to" tips:

How to accommodate a "hands-on" style:

arrive promptly;

pay very close attention to deadlines;

don't procrastinate or made excuses;

be organized;

accept structure;

try to do things in an exact and precise way;

make brief and "to-the-point" comments
(don't ramble);

minimize discussion - get to the task;

ask questions in a brief, concise way;

use concrete terms and explanations (not abstract);

do things in sequential and orderly steps;

discuss and show practical applications;

demonstrate to illustrate an idea or point;

allow for "hands-on" project-type tasks.

How to accommodate a "thinker"
style:

arrive promptly;

pay very close attention to deadlines;

don't procrastinate or make excuses;

be organized;

use outlines, charts, graphs, and spatial mapping
to show information and the relationship of ideas;