Coffin Jokes

Funny Jokes

A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer. "-I know,-" he says, "they say 'you can't take it with you.' But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. I'd like to have something with me, just in case. So I am giving each of you an envelope containing one hundred thousand dollars and I would be grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that it's useful, I'll have something." They each agree to carry out his wish.Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of the three advisors is seen slipping something into the coffin. After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor turns to the other two and says, "-Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we more...

As Mr. Smith was on his death bed, he attempted to formulate a plan that would allow him to take at least some of his considerable wealth with him. He called for the three men he trusted most-his lawyer, his doctor, and his clergyman. He told them, "I'm going to give you each $30,000 in cash before I die. At my funeral, I want you to place the money in my coffin so that I can try to take it with me."All three agreed to do this and were given the money. At the funeral, each approached the coffin in turn and placed an envelope inside. While riding in the limousine back from the cemetery, the clergyman said, "I have to confess something to you fellows. Brother Smith was a good churchman all his life, and I know he would have wanted me to do this. The church needed a new baptistery very badly, and I took $10,000 of the money he gave me and bought one. I only put $20,000 in the coffin."The physician then said, "Well, since we're confiding in one another, I might as more...

A pretty woman was serving a life sentence in prison. Angry and
resentful about her situation, she had decided that she would rather
die than to live another year in prison. Over the years she had
become good friends with one of the prison caretakers.
His job, among others, was to bury those prisoners who died in a
graveyard just outside the prison walls. When a prisoner died, the
caretaker rang a bell, which was heard by everyone. The caretaker
then got the body and put it in a casket.
Next, he entered his office to fill out the death certificate before
returning to the casket to nail the lid shut. Finally, he put the
casket on a wagon to take it to the graveyard and bury it.
Knowing this routine, the woman devised an escape plan and shared it
with the caretaker. The next time the bell rang, the woman would
leave her cell and sneak into the dark room where the coffins were
kept.
She would slip into the coffin more...

A Patel family in Gujarat was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the US. It was sent by one of their daughters. The dead body was very tightly squeezed inside the coffin, with no space left in it.
When they opened the lid, they found a letter on top addressed to her brothers and sisters:
Dear Chandrakantbhai, Arvindbhai, Mohan and Varsha:
I am sending Ba's body to you, since it was her last wish that she should be cremated in the compound of our ancestral home in GUJARAT. Sorry,
I could not come along as all of my paid leave is consumed.
You will find inside the coffin, under Ba's body, 12 cans of cheese,
10 packets of Toblerone chocolates and 8 packets of Badam. Please divide these among all of you.
On Ba's feet you will find a new pair of Reebok shoes (size 10) for Mohan.
There are also 2 pairs of shoes for Radha's and Lakshmi's sons. Hope the sizes are correct.
Ba is wearing 6 American T-shirts. The large size is more...

A man who had been prescribed Viagra dies "in the act" and rigor mortis has set into his private parts. The funeral director can't get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss the alternatives with the man's beautiful young widow. "I'm afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another $3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member.""Well I have no more money," states the widow, "and it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece."The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave: He'll amputate the member and then stick it up the deceased's backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the one piece. The widow reluctantly agrees.On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a more...

Top Authors

Recent Comments

Dave W: Rastus and Fifi when out for a walk.
They came upon a cemetary. Rastus says: Fifi, how about I prop you up on one of these tombstones. and we'll knock off a little piece. Fifi snaps back, Rastus, you know I get a rash on my back when we do that. Rastus keeps saying, Oh, it'll be just fine Fifi. Fifi finally gives in and lets Rastus put her up on the tombstone. In a liitle while, Fifi says, "Rastus, do I have a rash on my back? Rastus replies: Fifi, I don't know about your back, but yo ass done died in 1923.

Pamela Pines: Heart Felt Poem. THANK YOU TO ALL WARRIORS (SOLDIERS) who have fought for our freedom & protected us. AND THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO STILL DO THIS FOR US.

JiJi: Rubbish!!!!!!!!!!

Henry: It is really funny. I was just about to add this joke to the website and saw it here!

Mike Dougherty: This is seriously my favorite joke ever. I mentioned it to one of our Language Arts professors, who just kind of guffawed. A few days later she told me her whole department was gunning for me. (I guess she spread it around.)

IlikeTrAINS: Bruh yo hairline so far back i need binoculars to see it

Ludwig Van Beethoven: I love it make more please

Ludwig Van Beethoven: I love it! at the end, it was so funny!:)

Jay: This is not a joke! This is not a forum for political views. So sad. I don't suppose I need to hold my breath for a derogatory Hillary joke anytime soon, right?

Jayden: if ur math teacher told u to solve a hairline problem, it would be impossible