New Woodward Book Lays Trump Bare

The new Bob Woodward book (Book & Snake publishers, $29.99) has DC a-buzzing. Some of the revelations about President Trump are so fantastic they must be made up. Highlights:

National Security Advisor Byron McCrohn calls Trump “a moron…two pancakes short of a full combination plate…I wouldn’t sell him to my mother.”

Assistant Chief Secretary of Housing Belinda Bree Liddell revealed that the President is so mentally handicapped he couldn’t even figure out how a toddler’s Fisher-Price pull-toy worked. “I put Quacky the Duck on his desk one afternoon when no one was around. Later on I looked in. Instead of pulling the toy around the Oval Office, the President kept turning it over and over, like he wanted to see where the batteries went. It’s a damn pull-toy! It doesn’t have batteries! How stupid can you be?”

Other senior advisers report finding Trump sitting outside the Oval Office at six in the morning because he was locked out and the janitor wasn’t around to let him in. “He tried to lie about it and say he was afraid of ghosts, and maybe it was ghosts who locked the door, as they sometimes do in the Executive Mansion, but the ghost story was just a cover-up.”

Author: Hallen Smith

Hallen Smith is a much beloved humorist, financial writer, and newspaper columnist. He specializes in such trivialities as Christmas newsletters and Philadelphia soft pretzels.