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Her ex husband is not happy with her either. She is taking their D9, my SD, out of a good stable home by all her friends into a little apt 20 miles away. I have become pretty good friends with him over the years. I feel for the D9.

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M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

I just looked up the apt complex she is moving to. Looks nice but is set up like 21+ party central. I shouldn't have even checked it out but my kids will be staying there when they are with her. My day just went from somewhat ok to how in the hell am I ever going to let go? I'm going to have an anxiety attack.

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M 33, W 30, SD 10, D 5, S 4

Made it through the WAW, living happily together now. And I am much wiser for it!

I wish I could tell you that it will be OK. I know your definition of 'OK' is that everything gets back to normal and your W is suddenly happy again and the family stays together. I hope this happens for you, but there is a lot of transition that will need to happen between now and then most likely.

1) Your #1 priority is your children right now - you have to be there for them during this confusing time in their life.2) Don't cling to your W - let her know that leaving is her decision and that you won't stand in her way, but you won't enable her either.3) GAL - start defining yourself in terms of yourself and what you value and not as the H of your W. Focus on yourself as much as you can after taking care of (1) and (2). This is the hardest thing and the most unnatural act we have to perform, but after a while you start seeing/feeling the benefits and it gets easier. Also, as part of this process, try to recognize what your contributions to a bad M might have been so you can work on that just in case she decides to R.

As far as #3 is concerned, I look it like metamorphasis of the LBS. We need to go through a transformation like caterpillar to butterfly. Think of yourself as a caterpillar and you are about to go into the transformation stage. At the end of the process, we look back on the person we were at the beginning and realize that we have changed a lot for the better. If the W still chooses to not be with us and to traumatize the family in the process then it is their loss.

<sorry for the hokey analogy, but it kind of feels like that - I am not all the way through myself>

It will be OK. I too felt like you, everything down to contemplating suicide. Yesterday, 2 weeks into the seperation, I told my sister that it was as bad as I imagined it would be. It still sucks, but it really isn't as bad as I imagined it.

I have 2 pieces of advice:1. Enjoy the kids when you have them.2. Enjoy GAL'ing when you don't.