Why Don't Men Ever Listen?

If there's one thing men are great at, it's not listening. Let me rephrase that. They are great at ignoring things they don't want to hear . To be even more precise, they don't like listening to women. Women — for better or for worse — tends to speak in code. When they ask for things, they ask indirectly because it's the easiest way to gauge the true intentions of men. Men often commit wrongful acts unknowingly and then naively ask "what did I do?" when women get upset. I'll tell you what you're doing wrong: you don't actually hear what we're really saying.

need a dictionary?

Women don't understand men either. We can't understand how men — who are able to memorize sports statistics, discover oddball facts, act like investigative reporters when you mention another man's name — can't figure out the true intention of women's requests. Maybe men are simply not programmed to listen to women.

What women really can't understand is how men can sit in front of the TV during Super Bowl Sunday for 6 hours, listening to the same thing being repeated over and over again. Yet, if their women tell them that they feel a little ignored, it's as though they're speaking Latin.

Many men often wonder why it is that all gorgeous women have geeky boyfriends who look like Bill Gates (without the money). Chances are that they're good listeners. So, if you want to be in that geek's shoes, all you have to do is learn and execute these simple scenarios.

scenario #1

Woman says: "I know what you did."What she's really saying: "You have a guilty look on your face. You must have done something wrong and I'm going to get you by saying something ambiguous."Man responds: "I don't know what you're talking about."What he's really saying: "She found out about what I did. I know I did 5 things wrong, which one did she find out about? Just play dumb, keep denying everything and remember to say 'I love you' a couple of times."

scenario #2

Woman says: "I'm feeling sick."What she's really saying: "After all the times I took care of you, this is your chance to prove to me that you love me and take care of me."Man responds: "It'll probably pass, give it some time"What he's really saying: "Oh no, here we go again with the I'm sick routine . I hope she doesn't want to go see a doctor because the Lakers are playing the Knicks in 30 minutes.

scenario #3

Woman says: "I hate you, get away from me."What she's really saying: "I love you so much, I want you to come after me and hold me, so I can feel secure again and know that you love me. Please tell me you love me."Man responds: "I'm sorry baby, I promise I won't do it again, please don't leave, I'm begging for your forgiveness."What he's really saying: "Please don't go, who am I going to have sex with? Who is going to cook for me? If you need me to say some stuff about promises and I love you , I will, as long I still get to see you naked."

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