08/13/2012

Paul Ryan is your Republican vice presidential candidate because he made a plan that takes money and other nice and fine things away from the undeserving poor, sick and elderly and gives all their stuff to the truly deserving wealthy, as Jesus and Ayn Rand intended.

Without his magic plan, Paul Ryan is just another annoying Republican white guy in Congress yammering on about imaginary job creators and voting to repeal Obamacare 119 times. Without the plan, Paul Ryan is Joe Heck. Or a metrosexual version of Dean Heller.

Unfortunately for Ryan, his plan is very much like Mitt Romney: The more voters know about it, the less they like it.

So obviously Romney, all Stinky Cheese Man-like, is running from Ryan's plan as fast as he can, vowing that he will introduce his own stupid plan, because for Pete's sake he (Twit Romney, not Pete) is the important personage atop the ticket. Ergo, it is cruel and unfair for Democrats and other humans to associate Romney with the anti-human parts of Ryan's plan (i.e., all of them). And for good measure, Shelley Berkley must stop calling Heller and Ryan psychopathic soulmates. Because it unsettles Mitt Romney.

And somewhere in there lies the explanation for why, after the Wunderkind Ryan visits bitchy little area megalomaniac Sheldon Adelson in the secrecy of the latter's wingnut masturbatorium (or as the media

Tea Joe

calls it, The Venetian) and assumes the position, and then ventures out into public to speak to the little people whose money and other fine and nice things Ryan wants to take because Adelson is a very old and very lonely monster who can only be cheered by endlessly amassing the assets of others, Heller won't be there (and probably Heck neither).