When the music fades...

Okay. I must stop speaking metaphorically and get on with it. This is a slightly different post than expected from Queen Crazy, because, well. Every body gets their quota of unhappiness/grief/sadness/depression soon enough. There's no running away from life is there?

Hence, I re-iterate once again: The brain is a very weird piece of equipment. My last post, the one about life's ever changing routes? Weeeellll, when I wrote that, I was simply thinking aloud, you know, with maturity, realisations such as those become normal. Sometimes these realisations become reality.

Yerp. What begun as a thought has translated into my reality, because as I type, something which I can say has NEVER happened to me, has indeed happened.

I failed an exam.

No, no... I failed three exams, to be exact.

I have never failed at anything in my life. Especially not exams. This is not me being boastful, or claiming intelligence as my God - given right. But as is our intrinsic human nature, being accustomed to something, and having that thing taken away from you shakes you to your very core.

Upon receiving this news, my tears have been non stop. One would think I am in a situation reminiscent to Anne Frank's. I know, none of my parents are dead, I am not a Jew in a foreign country, and nobody is searching high and nigh for my body; dead or alive.

But still.

It feels like my whole life, my existence, who I am, has changed. My feelings towards this, towards life, has taken another turn. To some people who will read this, their reactions will either be for me to get a grip on life and stop whining about something as trivial as education or exams. But to others, my feelings and my fears will probably be a mirroring of similar experiences, albeit not through exam failure: something or someone or some situation will have or is happening to you right now that you would NEVER have thought, even if Buzz Lightyear were to become president, would happen to you.

So, as my very understanding parents have been reassuring me, I come to you with this. Reach down into your soul, spirit, chakras, or whatever (my soul, that would be, being a Jesus kid and all), and find that strength that we have all been blessed with as humans. I think the scientists, with all their love for indecipherable jargon and mumbo jumbo have labelled it less ethereally and just tagged this strength asThe Survival Of The Fittest? or something?

Yeah. Find your inner strength, your survival, your sanity blanket, channel it, and keep moving. Though it may seem like the end of life infinity times over, it really is not. It is simply, just the beginning of a new reality.

So. Keep moving. And stop crying.

P.S.This post is simply my way of publicly reassuring myself (and anyone out there in a similar situation) that I will not become a good for nothing statistic who will, due to this my very unfortunate mishap, never be able to fulfill my life-long dream/ambition of meeting Miuiccia Prada and having her fall in love with my sunny disposition and charming personality that we become confidantes.

Since I have so cleverly imbibed fashion into this sad ole' tale of mine, I might as well show you the shoes I am currently salivating over when feelings of dread are not overtaking my whole system...

They're New Look wedges, and they used to have them in orange, but I think they must be sold out. I figure, fingers crossed, if all goes well with my resits, and I pass, these babies will be my present to myself...

8 comments:

I remembered the first time i failed an exam...it was in high school and I was so beside myself with grief. When i finally got around to telling my parents, all they said was "well it was bound to happen sooner or later" and "Thank God, we were beginning to think you were a robot" lol. It sucks, especially if you've made it into high school or college before it happens but you'll be alright :)

i've been there too. i failed my chemistry exams this summer and i have to retake it in august.and it's not only you; i feel like a BIG failure! i have never failed an exam....tears kept rolling down my cheeks when i was talking on the phone with Mom. i thought my entire being was gone, lol. but.....yeah, i trying to find me....my inner core or as you stated it.

The friendies...

InCASE you were wondering...

... none of these photos are mine, s'il vous plait. Unless you happen to see pictures of yours truly or whatever (which I beg you to ask for permission before you acquire), I own no claims whatsoever to the images.