Oh, my, another one of those situations when just as you think that you have seen the very lowest of the low - someone goes diving below the previous record and proves that they can go lower..........

Words fail me - but Snarky and Evil are much more creative.

Fortunately for Jerk - they weren't there...........

Good thing no one mentioned being allergic to anything or his next idea for a joke might have been one that landed him in court, asking a judge why no one thought that his hilarious prank was funny and called an ambulance to ruin the prank. Because it sounds like Jerk just doesn't "get" that the rest of us aren't put here on Earth for him to poke fun at...........

This guest wasn't mine, thank heaven, but I was at the party when it all went down and Southern Honey was instrumental in helping cool things down without bloodshed (literally).

My junior year of college, we were invited to a party at a house being rented by two quasi-friends of mine, Lori and Sara. We had met during our freshman year and become friends, although a few things had happened to sour relations a bit on my side, so I was distancing myself from them. We had an additional mutual friend, Arthur, who had been pretty much rejected by the whole group for his repeated, horrid behavior while drunk; Arthur was decidedly NOT invited to this party.

Somehow he got wind of it and its location, and Arthur showed up with a friend who was a complete stranger to everyone else there. He proceeded to get rip-roaring drunk, headed up to the unfinished attic to smoke some illegal substances with Lori, Sara and some other guests, and then stepped off the "floor" of the attic and through the ceiling of the living room. He missed knocking down the ceiling fan by about three or four feet.

Lori and Sara were peeved, to say the least. Southern Honey escorted Arthur outside, took his car keys and kept him out there in the relative safety of the driveway until he sobered up. Then Southern Honey informed him and his friend that they needed to leave and not return. Ever.

Just wondering, after he contaminated the kosher food.... what did you feed your guests?

and can I just add

We called the kosher place again and Ted generously drove over to pick it up. Took about half an hour and in the meantime they snacked on the bread that had come with the food. The guy taking the order at the kosher place recognized the number and asked if everything was okay with the previous food. I explained what happened, and apparently he related the story to the manager who gave us a 50% discount on the replacement food. Like I said, awesome restaurant and we've actually ordered from there even when we didn't have anyone with us who actually kept kosher. I believe Gil took the contaminated food home with him, as it was one of his favorite dishes and the actual contamination didn't bother him any.

There were a couple we had, but I'll admit a lot of it was our fault because DH and I weren't very good at putting our foot down and setting boundaries. Well he still isn't honestly but I've gotten better about it, mostly.

Anyroads, as an example. When DH was in the Marines, a fellow Marine was about to get out of the service and had already sent his wife and son ahead to set up house in their home state, and in order to save $ for the trip home, he moved out of his apartment, which meant he needed somewhere to crash until his EAS (end active service) day. Guess who offered to let him stay with us without asking his 8 month pregnant wife first? Yeah, my DH. I gave him heck for that, too. (interestingly my 2nd pregnancy made me more outspoken and seemed to strengthen my backbone for those 9 months)

I told myself "Well damage is done, the guy won't be here all the time and maybe it won't be that bad. Ohhhh it was! Guy slept on our couch, left his CD's all over the place despite my warnings that our 17 month old son might get curious and damage them. "Just keep him out of them!" Was his answer. Well I did as much as I could to prevent DS1 from getting into the cd's, and come to think of it, I'm sure the scratches the guy got on his disc were more due to the fact that the guy pretty much just let these cd's cascade all over our floor without any protective covering. He had a zippered case for them but didn't even bother to keep them contained.

Then one night DH made a nice steak dinner for us (yeah he stayed more than one night because I couldn't manage to convince DH this guy was a moocher and bless his heart, my husband's sometimes just WAY too generous and trusting for his own good!) and remember, we had a 17 month old child in the house. I saw this guy left his empty plate on the couch with the steak knife sitting on it. I asked him nicely to take his plate into the kitchen (not wash, just take it into the kitchen where DH was doing the dishes while I was cleaning the baby food off DS1, the high chair and well, me. "I'll get to it." I said "Well at least take the steak knife in? I'm about to put Eddie down (from the high chair) to play once I clean him up. "I SAID I'll GET to it!"

My DH saw the murderous look in my eyes and took care of the plate himself, then suggested to the dude that he get out, right then, and see if he could crash somewhere else that night...and maybe a few more nights.

Dh told me the next day that the guy decided he'd just be staying at someone else's house for the rest of his stay because he didn't feel like dealing with a psycho pregnant woman.

Pif. Good riddance, said I!

Logged

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

(that's ok, right? I got the "it's been more than 120 days, are you sure you want to reply?" warning, but I'm assuming for sharing stories (vs. giving advice) continuing on it ok, yah?)

I've had two doozies of a guest that I can think of. One was at a party. A friend of a friend in college, while very drunk, as a joke, put one of my kittens in the microwave. He didn't turn it on, but he put the kitten in, got my attention, and then pantomimed turning it on. Because of his actions, we learned the following:

1) Celany is much faster than you'd think2) Celany is *much* stronger than her skinny, bony body looks (I was about 100lbs soaking wet then)3) Celany is capable of throwing a much larger man out of her house4) Celany has a horrifying expression of utter insanity that can terrify large men (and other party goers) when her kittens are threatened.

I didn't yell. But I did say (in that quiet, gentle sort of voice you use when any loud noise is going to make you go out-of-control nutso) that if I "ever ever saw him in or near my house again, he was going to be very, very sorry"

***

The other guy was a former roommate's friend's BF. He came back from living "out of town", and needed a place to crash for a while, while he found a job and looked for a place to stay full-time. He couldn't stay with his GF, because she lived with her parents and they were very strict about her "having guys over". He seemed like a nice guy, he used to be in the military, and was one of those medium-height, bulk-like-a-muscled-tank kind of guys who is sort of loud and cracks jokes a lot, but it also unfailingly polite, opens doors for women, and helps old ladies cross the street.

So, he moved into my 2nd bedroom. He had no computer skills, so I showed him some websites that had great tutorials on computer learning and told him he was free to use the computer whenever. At the time, I worked as a cocktail server, and I also had a part time crafts business. I made things, went to craft fairs, and worked anywhere from 2-4 nights a week at the nightclub as a cocktail server. When I was home, I usually spent most of my time in my bedroom, which was also my workroom, either crafting or spending quality time with my kittens (this happened about a month after the previous story).

All seemed well for the first few weeks. He's paying me a token amount of rent, gets a part-time job, and is saving money to find his own place. I didn't see the guy often, but he was always very nice to me. Then I noticed little odd things. Like not having as much lunch meat/cheese/milk/etc as I thought I had. I chalked it up to being forgetful, later to him eating my food. Which only actually bothered me because he never reciprocated (I'm generally quite cool with sharing food). Some of my clothing went missing; I figured maybe I left it at my BF's, or in the car. My computer has also started acting weird. Then, one day, I realized that the giant jug of quarters in my room seemed to be going down in number (I had a giant plastic maraschino cherry jar that I'd gotten from the bar. All our drinks cost either a round number or $-.25, like $4.25. I dumped my quarters into the jar with plans to cash them all in when the jar filled up and take a really nice vacation). So, just to be sure I wasn't misremembering, I got a knife, lightly scored the jar lid and the jar lip below the lid, made sure the two score marks lined up, then left the jar in its usual place (in my closet). A few days later, I check - the two score marks are completely separated. He's definitely stealing from me.

I'm furious. He's going to get thrown out, but first I need to corral some big guy friends into helping me, because as nice as this guy has been, no way am I confronting him on my own.

That night, he comes home, acting like a loon. Talking a mile-a-minute into his cell phone to someone named KiKi. KiKi is making a movie. The guy will be in the movie. He will be her star. No, he's never done a "real, professional" movie before, but he has been in some amateur movies. He'll be great as the star, because his "package" is "this big" and "this wide". No, he hasn't been STD tested in awhile, but he's sure he's fine. He wasn't anybody's "female dog" while he was in prison. Yeah, he's been out for about a month now. No, he doesn't still has his military uniforms to use in the movie, when he was dishonorably discharged, he got rid of them (or they took them back, I'm not sure). Naw, his girlfriend won't mind him being in these movies - or, well, either way it doesn't matter, because what she doesn't know, won't hurt *him*. Oh, and he'll be able to go at it for *hours* because he just found this awesome new coke dealer that has amazing product. He feels like he could stay awake for *days* right now.

I hear all this while I'm up in my bedroom, and he's downstairs talking a mile-a-minute at full volume on his phone. There is no way to get out of the house without running into him. And even if there was, I am not leaving behind my cat and kittens.

So, I quietly close my bedroom door (all cats were up with me, they tended to all stay with me when I was home). I pushed my dresser in front of my door, then turned out all the lights, other than a small reading light. I stayed up pretty much all night, listening to him bang around (but happily, when he came up to see if I was awake, he took for granted that my closed door and light out meant I was sleeping) until around 4-5 am, then finally pass out. I crept out the next morning, rounded up half a dozen big guy friends and went to kick him out.

When we got back, he wasn't there. That was good, as it allowed up to pack up ALL his stuff, and put it on the porch. I showed one of the guys my weird-behaving computer, who quickly deduced that it was full of bugs from all the "adult activities" being watched on my computer (and not by me. this totally squicks me out). I bought my guy friends some pizzas and beers, and we sat around and played cards until he got back. At which point, he saw all his stuff on the porch and came up yelling about what I was doing. So, I told him I knew he'd been stealing from me, I knew he was doing drugs, and I didn't want him in my house. At this point, he starts crying (actually crying) about how he knows he'd made mistakes, he only stole clothing that he thought looked ugly on me (to pawn it), he'd pay me back for the quarters, the part-time job he had wasn't making enough money, so he *had* to go into porn, and I had understand, he was a drug addict. He couldn't help himself.

So not my problem.

In the end, he left, throwing my keys at me, starting to swear revenge until some of my guy friends told him they'd hunt him down if he tried. So he stopped threatening & told me that if he died sleeping in his car, it was *my* fault.

Yeah, whatever.

Then I call the friend who asked me to have him stay with me, to warn her that he was kicked out and why. I learned: 1) She knew he was in jail 2) she knew he had a drug problem 3) she knew he'd been dishonorably discharged for drug-related activities 4) he couldn't live with GF, because her parents forbid her to see him (shocking, I know). So WHY didn't she tell me those things? Because she thought they weren't important, and wanted him to have a fair chance to get back on track.

She also ceased being my friend that day. And I've heard that, to this day, she wonders why sometimes.

Logged

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine

Then I call the friend who asked me to have him stay with me, to warn her that he was kicked out and why. I learned: 1) She knew he was in jail 2) she knew he had a drug problem 3) she knew he'd been dishonorably discharged for drug-related activities 4) he couldn't live with GF, because her parents forbid her to see him (shocking, I know). So WHY didn't she tell me those things? Because she thought they weren't important, and wanted him to have a fair chance to get back on track.

She also ceased being my friend that day. And I've heard that, to this day, she wonders why sometimes.

VorGuy's oldest & dearest friend from high school track team pulled some stunts on us that led to cutting the "friendship" some 27 years ago - two years later he tried to get back in touch with us and I told him a few home truths (because if VorGuy had seen him......well.........I didn't want to deal with what *might* have been). He didn't realize that he wasn't so fabulous that what he'd done was unforgivable nor that we'd still "hold a grudge" later (sorry, striking at my six-month-old - even if you didn't TOUCH her - was unforgivable to ME and to VorGuy when he got over the pneumonia that had him insensible in the front seat of the car - he had no memory of events but believed ME).

He hasn't tried contacting us since - and "Frankly my dear, I don't give a hoot" - to paraphrase Rhett Butler.

She also ceased being my friend that day. And I've heard that, to this day, she wonders why sometimes.

That makes my brain hurt.

I still remember her tone of voice when we talked and the thing that killed me was that it was bad enough that she knew all that stuff and didn't tell me (for that alone, I'm 99% sure I would have stopped being friends with her). But worse was that she didn't sound at all surprised when I told her what he did. So she wanted to him to have a fresh start, but was *completely* unshocked at what he did.

With friends like her, who needs enemies?

Logged

I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior. ~ Hippolyte Taine