Preoccupation

These days I feel distracted by anything. I wish a unicorn would pass in front of me so I’d have a good enough reason to feel this way.

Between travel, work, my parents’ impending move north (yes, you read that right), and a very ill little kitty whose time with me is the most limited it’s ever been, my focus is askew. The things I love the most have been scant – working out, yoga, writing, eating right – and as I feel myself falling further down the rabbit hole, I find it more difficult to scurry out. I’ve been making too many excuses for myself which is never a swell feeling. (“I’ll do this and that when the weather gets nicer.”)

So, with some quiet time at home I’m slowly playing catch up and it feels good.

My weekend is planned out with my meals and workouts, and a little bit of fun thrown in for good measure. I have been waiting for months to see Ed Kowalczyk live (lead singer of the 90s/2000s band, Live) and I’m nervously excited for my first duathlon on Sunday. Have I trained? Eh, let’s not get into that. I’m going to take it one step and one pedal at a time.

When tumbling down the rabbit hole, it’s easy to lose sight of the importance of things and to accept that other things are simply out of your control. I can gain a grasp on my sub-par eating habits, but I can’t do anything more than I’m doing for my kitty as she declines from end stage kidney failure. This is hard to accept considering I have controlling tendencies. I’m working on that.

As I accept the things I cannot change and change the things I cannot accept, I sit here in a quiet home with tears behind my eyes refusing to let them well up and spill over in acceptance for the things I cannot change and an open and mindful heart to charge ahead and change the things I cannot accept these days. This is life and it’s beautiful, despite its complexities.