challenges confront me
with ease
it’s drink, it’s drug it’s profanity
it’s sexuality
that breaks commandments
and those challenges
weaken me to the point of submission
challenges are like placing your conscience on auto pilot
throwing yourself into abandon

who doesn’t like
hot sex on a friday night w/a buzz on
listening to music or being worked up first by
your favorite pornographic fantasy
--- who doesn’t like the “rush” of meeting in a
hotel room while the newness of flesh and the
sweat of chocolate skin against yellow thighs
creep like tentacles into your mental and make you high
who doesn’t
want to feel that release

or would I rather trade it for the
spongebob christmas special
sitting on the couch saying no to a child for the 8th time that
he cannot have another piece of candy, or he will get sick
but it’s now 9:00 and your spouse hasn’t hit
key to lock
and when he does come in the door
instead of a hug you smell smoke and vapors and his eyes are glazed
do you see how easy it would be to trade
trade…trade…for sin
morality can be a drag

and just when I’m feelin’ like livin’ in purity
might not be for me
when I’ve gone to bible study on a wednesday night
and shaken the reverend’s hand and said while smiling good stuff brother man
and he says, “thank you for saying that” you stop and wonder
do I have a purpose or
is my purpose actually salvation or could I be saving him…
and when my confidence seems slim
you walk in the door early
sober
and it’s not even 8:00 and you say
let’s hang Christmas lights outside
and that just tells me that
submission
is for a reason
and nothing comes without giving up something
so I hold on longer
and thank my lord, cause he never said that saving
our lives would be easy

You spoke in sylaables my younglife understands. You are right about the entire thing. I love the twist you put on the end and how he comes home and how you are saving him and how this is never easy. You are a real Woman, holding it down for her family.