Saturday, November 25, 2006

I know it's kind of a bad thing to write bad and pessimistic stuff, specifically: depressing topics; and I know this could lead to my self destruction. But then I wouldn't have anything to write about and, worse, I wouldn't be blogging at all. So I'll just go on hounding you (and myself) of heinous things. Specifically: pointless stuff.

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I draw of people being tortured to their deaths. I don't know. I've been drawing them since the puppy of ours died. No, I'm not fixated on death, and I'm not a sadist, masochist, or both. It's just..., well, I just draw of them. I don't know why.

I didn't know I could actually draw. Even if it was by accident, I was shocked at the fact that I could draw. I usually draw of things like those drafters and architects usually draw: grid lines, blocks, house plans (how I got into planning places for people to live in, I have no idea). Now I actually draw of cornfields, grasslands, mountains, oceans, my own bedroom (like I said, I don't know). Though they will never match the brilliance of the most prominent artists here and then, I still consider them works of art, even if it was drawn on the cheap.

Anyway, I find strange the fact that I'm drawing of death. In fact, I love life, and I'll refuse to leave my childhood when I finish college (I fear of getting old). But then we must accept the reality that life continues, everything goes, and all things living and breathing must cease to exist at a certain point of life, including us humans. I might want to live a thousand years more so that I could prove that we're still millenia (millenias?) from extinction, but no-one could make it possible because we hold no control of life. Pardon the digression. Not that I'm aspiring to be immortal by way of a ghost, spirit or whatever paranormal entity who died a violent death, but sometimes I see myself being the one tortured to death. An absurd experience. I don't really want to think nor act of it. But until the fixation is gone I shall never stop of drawing things that make people shiver and human rights activists anger (huh?).

What have I been drawing, you might ask. Well, as I have examined the things that I have created, they're mostlymade of stuff from history Guillotines, garrotes, gallows, drowning, burning at the stake, stoning, throat-cutting, gun shots, among others. The rest of the drawings I couldn't explain even a little because it features strange ways of flagellation and self-torture (Again, I disclaim any ideas of sadism, masochism, or both).

I've been obsessed with death for too long, too much, too late (because, I think this twitch should've happened before Halloween, not before Christmas). I should rest, lest my soul taken. Wish I live the rest of the day.