Money Can Truly Buy You Anything—Including Threesomes

Monday, June 11, 2018

Money can buy
you sex. Not just in the obvious hooker-kinda way, but in the “Hey, baby. Look
at my Tesla. Let’s fuck in my mansion”-kinda way that gets gross losers
like Donald Trump model ass on a regular basis. But a new study found that not
only can money buy you sex, but it can also buy you sex with two partners. After all, if you’re going
to be used for your wallet, you may as well make the experience really worth it.

So while we
all guessed that more zeros in your bank account can get you a threesome, a new
study from a kinky dating app has actually confirmed
it.

3somerapp.com
is a website that specializes in connecting people who want to have threesomes
and swing. They did a super duper sex study that revealed that rich people are
more than likely to have a threesome than their poor counterparts. I mean, if
you’re going to take it in the mouth and the backdoor, why not do it on a yacht
instead of in the backseat of a 30-year-old Ford Mustang?

According to
the company press release, “Recent research conducted by 3somer has concluded that richer
individuals are more likely to engage in threesomes than people with lower
incomes. These studies measured the usage of the rising threesome dating and
lifestyle app ‘3somer’ in relation to the GDP per capita of various major
states in the U.S. and Brazil.”

The threesome
website said that there are 10 states that have the most app users, and although some of those states didn’t have a whole lot of people, those few people
had a whole lot of money.

You know what that means:

Bling! Bling! 💰💰💰

“When we did research about the top 10 states which have
the most users in the U.S., we found that some of those top 10 states do not
have high populaces,” 3somer’s founder said in a company
press release. “Further research was conducted to discover
that the higher the GDP per capita in the state, the higher the percentage of
the population who was registered with the app. This creates a correlation
between higher wealth and higher rates of threesome lifestyles. To verify the
conclusion, the same research was conducted in Brazil and the same result achieved.”

New York led
the list, followed by heathens in New Jersey and in California. No real
surprises there. But the 3somerapp got interesting when it was revealed that
Texas, Illinois, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Georgia, Michigan and Florida rounded out
the top ten list. Those mostly conservative states may be fiscally tight, but
when it comes to a ménage à trois, the only tightness those folks care about is in a...

You get the idea.

So why do the
rich like threesomes? The app says it’s a mix of “curiosity” and the fact that
rich people just have more sex than everyone else. And really, if you’re just
swimming in money, then why have only one lover when your greedy ass can have
two?

Have you ever
had a threesome? How’d you make it happen and what happened when it happened?
Send me an email if you want to be interviewed.