Why You Need to Ask for Feedback…and How to Use It

Most people don’t like to listen to views or assessments of others regarding their work or lifestyle. It is really a regrettable component of human behavior that many of us choose to steer clear of all feedback on the chance that it will be negative, in an effort to protect ourselves from hearing things we don’t want to hear. Why is it that? Moreover, why must we presume that the feedback will likely be unfavorable?

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Perhaps it is the root sense that we are simply not good enough which is so persistent in our culture or perhaps the pattern of only offering feedback when we are displeased. The truth is that feedback while frequently overlooked, is nonetheless a particularly useful way to improve your productivity. When utilized effectively feedback can be an invaluable resource to improve your work or behavior that can help to give you an edge.

Why Do We Need Feedback

Feedback is just a resource to draw on; tools as it were for approval and development. Take care not to internalize feedback. It’s a judgment of work quality, not a personal indictment. Keep it in proper perspective and only give due importance. Feedback it is not about you as an individual: it’s about evaluating and improving the quality of the work you do.

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Quite a while back, during a period I began questioning if anyone was actually listening to what I had to say or using any of the information and strategies I had to offer. Just a few days later, I was given a tangible and unexpected gift from a publishing partner that was a definitive sign that my work was indeed high quality and of value to others.

Each one of us wonders if we can really do a good enough job and we require the confirmation and motivation that positive feedback provides. The value of this offering had was doubly beneficial. First, it offered confirmation of the quality and value of my work; secondly, it turned out to be a wonderful demonstration of just how I can give useful feedback to others — when appropriate.

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How We Can Use Feedback Effectively

Request – Most people simply don’t think to offer suggestions or only think to give it when it is in some way negative. Make it a standard practice to ask those you interact with how you’re doing.

Listen – It is not helpful to solicit feedback from others if you’re not going to actually listen to it and seriously consider it.

Filter – Take into consideration the potential bias of the person offering feedback when weighing the value of their opinions. Do you respect the person’s opinion? Do they have relevant experience and knowledge? Do you have confidence they will be truthful? If not, ignore them.

Analyze – When feedback is positive, look for ways to improve even more. Don’t brush off praise or complements! If it is negative, what are you able to glean from it? How can you improve? Keep in mind that any feedback that is malicious or only meant to be destructive has no value; ignore it.

Give – Learn to give offer useful feedback to others. Make sure your feedback is truthful, considerate, and helpful. Especially if your feedback is unfavorable, try to present it along with helpful suggestions for improvement.

Don’t be fearful to ask for feedback from people whose opinions you respect. Ask for it, consider it, and learn from it.

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.