WANTED: One English wicket-keeper

WANTED: One English wicket keeper, who can hold a cricket bat and knock out some runs to help out Kevin Pietersen for when the middle order goes AWOL. Ability to keep wickets well is also a strong must and so is the ability to play spin. Applicants are welcome to apply whether they are from England or South Africa or where ever. Applicants with the the liking of the sweep shot or to play shots that defy logic to need not apply. Any interested should contact Duncan Fletcher.

Beware the lollipop of mediocrity. Lick once and you suck forever...

RIP Fardin Qayyumi, a true legend of CW

Originally Posted by Boobidy

Bradman never had to face quicks like Sharma and Irfan Pathan. He wouldn't of lasted a ball against those 2, not to mention a spinner like Sehwag.

I am interested in the vacancy in your side. I was a teenage prodigy in India so surely I have some talent. Although I have yet to score a test century, my test average is far superior to that of either of your wannabe glovesmen. I may spill a few crucial chances in the next Ashes, but I will provide balance to the lineup and I'm an energetic little chap.

"The PFA does not represent players when they have broken the law and been convicted on non-football matters."- Gordon Taylor in 2009 following Marlon King's release after a prison sentence for sexual assault & ABH

I am interested in the vacancy in your side. I was a teenage prodigy in India so surely I have some talent. Although I have yet to score a test century, my test average is far superior to that of either of your wannabe glovesmen. I may spill a few crucial chances in the next Ashes, but I will provide balance to the lineup and I'm an energetic little chap.

p.s. come on sir, you gave ashley a chance to look good, please ...

Regards,

Parthiv Ajay Patel

Dear Mr. Patel,

Thankyou for your enquiry into the problematic wicketkeepers job. As you probably well know, in England there are a shortage of keepers with the required skills to make it in my Test side. I have tried my current two over and over again and every single time, whilst impressing me with their shoddy wicketkeeping, their lacklustre batting fails to justify their existence. Having looked at your credentials, you seem to tick all the boxes. You have a better Test average than both my keepers, admitted in your letter of application that you are infact a shoddy wicketkeeper, and - most importantly - you aren't English. Therefore, Mr. Patel, I am writing to inform you that, providing that you have/will have a UK passport, the job is yours.

Thankyou for your enquiry into the problematic wicketkeepers job. As you probably well know, in England there are a shortage of keepers with the required skills to make it in my Test side. I have tried my current two over and over again and every single time, whilst impressing me with their shoddy wicketkeeping, their lacklustre batting fails to justify their existence. Having looked at your credentials, you seem to tick all the boxes. You have a better Test average than both my keepers, admitted in your letter of application that you are infact a shoddy wicketkeeper, and - most importantly - you aren't English. Therefore, Mr. Patel, I am writing to inform you that, providing that you have/will have a UK passport, the job is yours.

Yours truely,

D Fletcher

Classic.

Originally Posted by KungFu_Kallis

Peter Siddle top scores in both innings....... Matthew Wade gets out twice in one ball

Easily the best keeper-batsman in county cricket, but I'm not exactly sure on his eligibility. He has played for South Africa in the past so England might be reluctant to pick him even if he was technically available.