Friday, September 25, 2009

My a Capella group came over for a pot luck on Tuesday and we had a BLAST! It was great to have some of my best friends in the city get to hang out with my husband too!

My voice teacher got 4 tickets to the Kentucky Opera's production of Verdi's La Traviata, so she and her husband are taking me and another girl in my voice studio FOR FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I'm so excited! We get to dress super fancy and I'm SO pumped!!!!

Today, I made a beef stroganoff!I took a recipe from allrecipes.com and tweaked it!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

When did I become this lazy?I don't practice.I don't read for class.I don't read the Bible.I'm annoyed over the stupidest things.

What is wrong with me?

I believe it has everything to do with the statement "I don't read the Bible". How selfish am I that I can't even find a single minute in my "busy" day to spend time with the Lord everlasting, the Creator of the ends of the earth!? What do I do all day!? Certainly none of the things I'm supposed to be doing.

I go to class.I do my work for class.I don't particularly enjoy it, but I don't hate it either...until it comes to conducting. The only reason I dislike conducting?I'm not good at it!I get so frustrated with myself for not being able to do what I want my hands to do! I basically shut down and become unable to be helped. I dread that class everyday because the last thing I want is for people picking apart a skill that I already know I don't have. That's dumb!That's why I'm in the class!!!

I feel more uncomfortable in my own skin than I ever remember feeling.I feel like I should be more talented than I am.I feel hurt that friends haven't responded to things I've sent them.I feel hurt that I have no idea why I've been phased out of having a say in anything that happens with the group.I feel taken for granted.

Who am I?No one!I'm not entitled to anything! I have this very American way of thinking that I should have the 'right' to this that or the other thing.Let me tell you what! When I get out of my own way and stop relying on feelings (the least reliable form of truth in the world) and I take a good, long look in the mirror...I see a sinner who constantly chooses other things over God! I'm living as if I never knew Him at all! Why in the WORLD aren't things worse!? I deny His existence my very life, but He still sees me through Christ!All my sins, all my offenses against this pure and Holy God are washed away because He loved me so much, He sent his only Son to die for those offenses, so I didn't have to! When God looks at this wretched person I am, He doesn't see the lazy, whiny, thankless person...He sees His daughter!I am SO thankful for that!Why don't I live like I know that's true!?The fact that I am a child of God is THE most TRUE thing about me, but I don't live that way. I live a life that puts God in a bubble with all these restrictions and limits.

Have you know known?Have you not heard?The Lord is the Everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.He does not faint or grow weary;His understanding is unsearchable!He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.Even youths shall faint and be weary,and young men shall fall exhausted;but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;they shall mount up with wings like eagles;they shall run and not be weary;they shall walk and not faint!Isaiah 40:28-31

Father, How I need you to break my heart, Lord!! I want to live out these truths! I want to be BOLD! Crucify this horrible attitude I've had!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Today, I mistakenly left my phone in a locker without a lock at work this evening. My phone was stolen 2 months before my wedding because of the same negligence on my part...I accidentally left it in the locker instead of in my pocket or car. Today...the replacement phone was stolen again. This is the first time I've had my purse/phone at work since the incident but because I needed to have girl things with me all day, I took it in (purposely leaving my wallet outside). He/she opened my purse (again) and took my phone (again).

It's very hard to know that I am one of the nicest people working there, and I've had something taken from me two times. (I think it's by the same person...I have a suspicion.) I PRAY that I handled it with grace and mercy. I told my manager what happened...he knew I was upset, but I was trying to handle it in a manner worthy of the gospel. I didn't yell, I didn't cuss, (I wanted to!) I really wanted to walk straight up to the guy and scream at him to empty his pockets, but I couldn't. Praise the LORD I couldn't. Our manager, Kevin, called everyone to the back, said what happened, mentioned that we have cameras that they'll be going through in the morning, and gave he/she a chance to turn the phone in by anonymously placing it on the office desk. My co-workers kept checking on me and telling me that they'd be yelling and punching things and they couldn't understand why I wasn't. I really pray that they could see the love of Christ in me...that they saw something different in the way I reacted. I pray that the person who took my phone knows I forgive them, and I forgave them the last time (whether it was the same person or not). It's just a phone. It's a thing. I feel worse because the phone was a gift from my mother-in-law and she paid to replace it last time.

To be honest, I'm more upset with myself for my mistake. That's not a habit...leaving things in my locker. It's happened twice...and both times, it's been because I forgot that day to take it out and keep it in my car or pocket.

To be really honest...it's hard for me to walk back in there. Knowing that someone I am nice to every shift purposely stole something from me (maybe even twice). That sucks ya know. But I know that in life, things get messy...you get hurt and the people I work with are hurting much worse than simply being out a phone (or two). We need the gospel! We need to see real faith being lived out. So many of my co-workers have been burned by the church and Christians who profess Christ's love, but live contradictory lifestyles. I know I'm supposed to stay there and let them see that my hope doesn't lie in the things of this world. My hope is in Christ Jesus and He's already won the battle! Walking back in there tomorrow morning will be difficult...it will be more difficult on Wednesday when I'm on the same shift with everyone, and worse on Friday when the exact same people are present, but I know beyond the shadow of a doubt, my strength comes from God and the hope of what I KNOW to be true in His Son! I just pray that someone sees that.

Followers

About Me

I love Jesus, I'm studying Worship and voice at Southern Seminary, I am married to the coolest guy on the planet, I wait tables to pay the bills, I love being on stage, and I wear heels whenever I can despite being taller than 75% of the population.