To tell you briefly about the show – we’re a national show (broadcast on over 65 stations) hosted by Kyle Sandilands (judge on “X-Factor Australia,” “Australia’s Got Talent” and “Australian Idol”) and Jackie Henderson (Host of “Big Brother Australia”). They’ve hosted the show together for 10 years and have a cumulative audience of 8.5 million listeners. Some of their high profile guests in the past few years include: Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, John Travolta, Nicole Kidman, Will Smith, Tom Cruise, Justin Bieber, Sir Elton John, Cameron Diaz, Ashton Kutcher, Britney Spears, Madonna, Jude Law, Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Jay-Z (just to name a few).

Oh! That Kyle and Jackie O! Sure I’ll be interviewed, I’ve loved their stuff since I was a baby.

Currently I’m scheduled for a 7:20am 10 minute slot on Wednesday morning their time. Australia is usually my 4th ranked country for visits to the blog, so waving the advance notice flag to youse jokers!

It’s a rooly beeg show obviously, but have a good feeling about this one. I think it’s going to be fun.

Got bumped from Monday to Wednesday once already, but seems all set two days out.

Got a good pair of videos today. Both about 7-8 minutes long, but they do illustrate some key points perfectly. The “Hummer Mom” seduced two 14 year old boys and is now jailed for her crimes.

Her Interview:

Watch her Rationalization Hamster going full throttle. Not once did she admit that she planned to seduce them from the get go. “It just happened.”

Notice her complete personality change once she is sexually interested in the first boy. I’m pretty sure that she was a reasonably good Mormon “nice wife, good mom” up until all this started, then all bets are off. She lies, steals from her husband to the tune of tens of thousands if dollars, bribes the boys, threatens them when it starts coming apart and becomes increasingly erratic and risk taking as it progresses. This is not simply related to underage sex partners, but is common to any illicit sexual relationship behavior (male or female).

Her religious beliefs are irrelevant once she starts on her course of action. I say this not to slam Mormons in particular, but just as a simple statement of reality. I have seen too many people of all religious persuasions (including my own Atheist position) go to the dark side when extra-marital sexual opportunity is presented. Religious belief possibly acts as a mild preventative to starting down the road to being in an affair, but once they start down that road, they are taken by the dark side just like everyone else. The good wife you knew is gone, having been replaced with her evil twin.

His Interview:

Oneitis. On the plus side, he did eventually turn her in, but he’s still not able to break away from her. I get the Mormon belief of eternal life together as a couple plays a serious role here. In straight earthly terms though, whatever they had is never going to be the same again, she’ll come out of jail quite emotionally different and be near completely unemployable. It’s not just the pedophile thing… she stole tens of thousands of dollars from her job/husband. He’s still emotionally hooked into her, so he’ll possibly limp through her jail time and stay with her.

He knew something was up with her. Maybe not the whole time, but for at least some of it. The solution at that point was to actually “trust but verify”, by which I mean putting her ass under proper surveillance. Keyloggers, nanny cams, follow her… and seeing as all this went down in the car, a voice activated recorder in the car would have caught all this very, very quickly. Possibly before she crossed the line into actual sex.

Sorry if all that is a dark read, but there is one take-away point from all this…

Women all have an inner slut component to their personality.

Cars, big house, fancy vacations, successful husband, happy family… her inner slut does not care about these things. Her inner slut only cares about cock. It’s not enough to throw money at her if you aren’t at least occasionally “banging the shit out of her”. Some hair pulling, playful swats on her ass, dirty talk and demands to get blown during work hours might have soothed her inner slut needs and avoided this entire disaster.

The silver lining approach for the husband is to stay together through the whole ordeal and go for a book deal at the end of it. But personally I think exposing your marriage and all it’s flaws to the public for money is incredibly tacky and…

Pair-bonding is real and won’t be disappearing anytime within our lifetimes. Which means that relationships that are in the “this sucks infected donkey-balls” to “this is fairly good but not great” relationships range, will hurt like hell when you break them off in search of a great relationship.

To be sure some men don’t ever want to be married and that’s cool. They automatically won’t care about breaking off a relationship because that was their intent from the get go. But most men will want if not a legal marriage, a V(ery)LTR, so the rules apply just the same to that as a marriage… wife choice is extremely critical.

The solution is obvious, simple but a pain in the ass to actually do. Just don’t get hooked into a relationship that isn’t worth going the distance with. If you’re with someone that is good for you but not great for you, the longer you spend with them, the more of your precious time you use up. Men have a Sex Rank shelf-life just as women do, it starts off slower and ends later, but we do still have one. (Unless you have what amounts to “fuck-you” money and can rent a hottie on a semi-permanent contract of course. But I’m guessing my average reader isn’t up in the eight or nine figures net worth range.)

So if you want to look for your “One and Done” girl, you have to actively look for her and not waste time with second best.

From the Primer page 300 (28.2 in Kindle)….

A key problem is that most men do not go looking for a wife. They start looking for a date, and then try and turn the date into more dates, then the dates into a girlfriend, then a girlfriend into a serious relationship, and then and only then worry about whether or not to bridge the relationship into marriage. Of course by then you may be realizing you’ve been backing the wrong horse as what was great for a few dates (that would be tits, ass and easy pussy) isn’t always the best woman for a lifetime together.

If you’re really looking for a wife, kids, the PTA, ER visits, Thanksgiving Dinners, a joint bank account and someone who will hold your hand until the last minute as they push your bed into surgery, then you need to start with that somewhat in mind. By all means date around, but when you start to see major red flags, just stop dating them and move on. If you’re dating within any sort of coherent social group and you are passing on women because you are “looking for a woman with wife material” that will likely make all the women in that group sit up and take notice of you.

The truth is that men willing to commit to a woman in this day and age are in short supply, and by being willing to express interest in commitment, your value goes even higher. You might land a highly attractive woman simply because you were willing to commit to marriage, when supposedly better men than you were available to her.

So start with the end in mind rather than blundering into things just because you can get laid.

Prozac is an SSRI and possibly nerfing her sex drive and romantic feelings.

Keppra can be used for Bipolar Disorder, but is usually used for a Seizure Disorder, so I’m not sure if that’s what really is going on here and she’s lied about having “a mild bipolar disorder” instead of a seizure disorder. Keppra can cause birth defects, so it’s probably/likely/possible that she might have to come off that at some point should she ever get pregnant. 250mg is a lower dose, but no idea how many times a day it is.

She’s told you that she is purposely hardening herself against being in a relationship due to prior bad relationship experiences. Including being physically hit.

She has cheated twice on a prior boyfriend who was trying to treat her well. HUGE RED FLAG.

She’s telling you that you’re really just a friend as opposed to a boyfriend.

She’s rejecting you sexually.

She’s rejecting you touching her often.

She’s over an hour away.

In all seriousness, this girl is a waste of your time. Yes you could Alpha up and charm her back, but she’s still going to have the Bipolar Disorder and medication issues. Why shackle yourself to a 21 year old already on psych meds? It’s like you’re actively planning ahead to be married to Batshit Crazy. This is not someone you want to have children with… unless you want crazy kids.

She’s already cheated on a prior boyfriend too. Twice. Then she told you about it… a HUGE Fitness Test. You’re meant to react to that with a very firm negative response, not a understanding tone that her prior boyfriend wasn’t up to snuff.

The purpose of marriage is not to save a woman, it’s to have a functional, happy and productive life.

Plus… my hunch is there’s a good chance she’s already cheating on you. She never sees you all week, then gets together and no sex? Hmmmm…. that would be her prior relationship pattern wouldn’t it?

My feeling is that you really should just dump her and find someone new. I don’t mean to sound so blunt about it. And yes it’s easier for me to say dump her than for you to tear her out of your heart and walk away.

Had like 3-4 “should she read the book?” emails in the last two days. Here’s one of them.

Hi Athol,

I’ve been an avid reader of your blog for some time now, and just recently got the book and started reading it. Even though I’m not married, I am in a LTR of 7 months, and already things have gone downhill, so I’m hoping the book will help bring it back to life. We haven’t had sex for close to a month now, her reasons being too exhausted and stressed from the new job, and not being comfortable with her own body as she’s gained a little weight since we started dating. Even though that may be partly true as she works long hours, I suspect the real reason is my greatly increased “betatude” in the last few months.

My question to you is – should I tell her about the book and give it to her to read once I’m done, as I think it would help her shed some light on her own behaviour as well, or would that be a bad idea and make me look even more beta in her eyes (the fact that I need to read a book to figure out how to re-ignite the spark). I’m 25 and she’s 21, although she acts much more mature than that, if it makes a difference. Looking forward to your answer, and to finishing the book of course!

Cheers, thanks.

Hi there,

I think the sooner you address the low sex thing the better. That stuff never fixes itself. Basically if you are 25 and 21, you really should be having sex together like rabbits. It’s decidedly not normal to have the sex dry up at your age.

Yes tiredness can play a part in things, but there’s always something you can do together. I suspect the “too tried”, “too stressed” ,”too fat” lines are just generic Rationalization Hamster stuff to avoid sex with you.

Bring up the whole issue head on and say we seem to have an attraction issue happening here and I’m going to do my best to address it. I’ve started reading this book and I’m going to try out some different things with you. I’m just asking for a sympathetic hearing to my attempts to change. You might like to read the book as well to see what they are.

Women really seem to like reading the book. Even some quite feminist women have read it and suddenly gone “OMG I want to be First Officer!” So you never know what she might respond to. Maybe she really likes the texting stuff, or dirty talk in bed, hair pulling or spanking. The 10 second kiss thing is a lock for everyone.

I’ve had email from couples that actually openly talk about “that was an alpha point for you”, “that was a beta point you just earned”. The common language can help as women like to be gamed.

Though I do warn you… if she reads the book, she will watch you very closely indeed to see whether or not you are following through on things in a general sense. If you are, it’s all good. If you aren’t, then get ready to be dumped.

Also she might accidentally think that you are mentally getting ready to walk down the aisle because of the title of the book. Suggest you just smack that down immediately. “If we can’t address this somehow now, I don’t think we’ll be in a relationship much longer anyway. It’s a book, not a proposal.”

Absolutely do not marry anyone that you are having a bad sex life with. Never ever. Just don’t do it. You’d be better off if you instead gave her all your credit cards, a two day head start and started peeing on a police car.

Also as a caveat… I am selling the book, so my advice on the use of the book isn’t really to be trusted. I’ll probably tell you to buy a book for each of you or something like that. It also makes a great paperweight, fly swatter, fire starter and chew toy for medium sized dogs. Seriously, it only does everything. You can even wipe your ass with it but you don’t really want to risk a paper cut down there.

I can’t begin to thank you for saving my marriage. Six months ago, we were on the verge of divorce, both of us hating the other for various reasons, our sex life was non-existent.

Then, I found your blog, six months on, we’re both happy, back in love again, shagging like rabbits, and it’s all down to the advice on these pages. Yes, the advice does mean getting off your backside and making changes but the payoff is well worth it.

Take yesterday for example, we’d been playing the Captain/Number1 game and I asked her to send me a pic of her in some sexy knickers whilst I was at work. The pics arrived on my phone halfway through the afternoon. She picked me up from work, we had a quick kiss in the car and then headed home. After putting the little ones to bed, I noticed the knickers drying on the radiator, so I asked how come? She told me that after seeing me in my suit and smelling my aftershave when she picked me up, she just became seriously wet to the extent that she had to take them off and wash them. I took the opportunity the check she wasn’t wearing a different pair and then took her over the kitchen table there and then!

What’s amazing is things like these are becoming the norm for us, so thanks a million Athol!

Finally, on the haters, no matter how hard you try, how often you explain, there will always be people for whatever reason will try to bring you down. Nothing you do or say will change their opinion, so just accept it, ignore it and if it ever gets you down, go look at the book sales, have a smile and then go for a shag!

Hooking Up Smart (Susan Walsh)- “For about the price of a movie ticket, you can learn what eluded even Sigmund Freud – the answer to the question, “What do women want?”

Married Man Sex Life was written for men, but I found it chock full of insights that helped me understand my own nature. Reading Athol’s book, lots of things that I’ve never figured out, or even been aware of, suddenly made sense. It’s a highly informative and entertaining read.”

Hidden Leaves (Ulysses) – “The other big selling point for the Primer is that it’s presented in a way that does not get rationalization hamster’s (covered in detail in Chapter 1) wheel turning. Your wife can read the Primer and come away wanting to be your first mate. Though you’re in charge of this ship, you cannot successfully navigate the frothy waters if your would-be first mate is actively planning mutiny.”

The Badger Hut – “The checklist items for choosing a wife are incredibly insightful, and remarkable quite simply for the fact that Athol is unapologetic about passing on wife candidates for what we’ve been told are shallow and “unloving” reasons.”

Becoming Alpha (Rivelino) – “Athol… you have a great writing style, a great “voice”, and your book is not only the perfect introduction to game for married men, it is also laugh out loud funny.

I think your book has unlimited potential. it deserves to be right up there with mars and venus, and obviously, it is much better than that book, because game is much more powerful than mars and venus.”

Alpha Game – “I cannot speak highly enough of Athol’s book. I have heard a great deal of marital advice, and I have read a number of books on the subject. I feel confident in saying that Kay’s book is among the best.”

Thanks for reviewing the book guys, very much appreciated. It really does help a great deal.

Okay ladies and gentlemen, the wife has her two cents…I love my husband very much. I respect him very much for putting this all out there, but there is a limit to the detail that can be divulged to the world at large. There is no more story related to emotional affairs to be shared.

Also, he has said repeatedly that we have both made mistakes. We have acknowledged that and worked through that together. That’s part of why our marriage is so strong. We hoped that by sharing this part of “the story”, people would be helped…but this has now blown all out of proportion and re-stating what has already been said is getting tiresome.

I am not a Stepford Wife…but I am exceedingly, to a fault, easygoing and non-confrontational. That has caused me to not recognize the seriousness of what was going on, and to not state my case and “claim my territory” firmly enough to make an impression. I was a slow learner, but yes now the lesson has been learned.

And as to the “do you ever get angry” part of the question…I get angry with very few people in this world, honestly. I get annoyed with Athol sometimes, as he does with me, but I can probably count on one hand the number of times we’ve yelled at each other (or for that matter the number of times I’ve yelled at anyone).

I don’t let myself be used as a doormat either. I label myself as “easygoing” or “submissive”, but that does not mean I am brainless, have no will or opinion, or am not treated well and loved by my husband.

So yes, I am here, I am backing him up 100%, and I need to say that more often and more publicly (see, the non-confrontational thing I’m working through rears it’s ugly head) Phew. I think that’s it for now…

I found your website a while back and it changed my life. You have given me insights into how my wife thinks and using your advice has improved our relationship in ways I could have never imagined. We have been doing it like rabbits for several months now.

However, every couple of months my wife is getting urinary tract infections from all the sex we’re having. And to be clear, she’s loving all the sex like I would have never imagined. But I think she just came down with the 4th one this year. Its painful for her and she has to go to the doctor to get antibiotics. And the last couple of times, she has said that she doesn’t think we can ever have sex again because its so painful. Warranted or not, she also doesn’t want to become immune to antibiotics due to having to take them all the time.

I can understand her concerns, but I can’t live without sex for the rest of my life. I’d like some advice on how to handle this without damaging our sex life AND some practical medical advice on how she can prevent them from ever coming back because going to the doctor when they appear and getting antibiotics every time is wearing her thin.

HELP!

Hi there

(1) I would look into cranberry juice extract pills. They help prevent UTIs from even starting. You can google that and there’s plenty of evidence out there for it. You can buy them in most supermarkets.

(2) It may be a lubrication to roughness ratio issue. Chaffing can lead to increased chances of a UTI.

(3) I don’t mean to be rude here at all, but I have to mention it. There may be a personal hygiene issue there for either/both of you. Good handwashing and you doing the wash-your-cock thing before sex may make her more comfortable with the idea of having sex again.

(4) Jen adds…peeing after intercourse can also help to prevent UTI’s…you are cleaning out the works, so to speak. No really…

(5) and Jen thinks of one more…does she take a lot of baths or use a hot tub/spa pool frequently? This in combination with the increase in sexual activity can lead to more UTI’s.

I can’t figure out if there is a way to get the video embedded into the blog, but I promise that you will utterly shit yourself laughing if you go watch it.

UPDATE: It went onto YouTube…

If anyone can tell me what they are saying in the video I would love to know. I actually think it’s in Hong Kong somewhere based on the “hk” tag in the video. So they will have a lot of English speakers there, so yay sales!

UPDATE: A wonderful reader provided a translation in the comments below.

Headline: “Hot” American Couple – Married for 16 years, they make love nightly.

An American man Athol Kay, married to his wife for 16 years with 2 children, makes love to his wife every night. With rough estimates at 5000 nights of lovemaking, he has published a book and has shared the secrets of the bedroom with males.

According to HK AppleDaily, Athol thinks that post-marriage still needs to maintain attraction, put effort to maintain desire, say sweet things the wife wants to hear, and occasionally go on dates etc. Also, two daily kisses should be at least 10 seconds ; sex 2 times a week.

So anyway…

This is kinda how I feel today.

I seriously can’t stop laughing though, it’s getting beyond anything I can hope to control, so I’m just going to enjoy the ride.