11 THINGS: Re: Remakes

Tim Sullivan

Published 4:00 am, Thursday, May 31, 2007

1. "The A-Team" (2008): Original TV Series: 1983-1987. Initial reaction: "I pity the fool." Follow-up reaction: What does Mr. T think about all of this? Come to think of it: What does the Mr. T Experience think?

3. "CHiPs" (2009): Original TV Series: 1977-1983. Initial reaction: Wilson Valderrama is the perfect Ponch. Follow-up reaction: But who is the perfect Jon? Come to think of it: Why am I scrolling through www.robertpine.com right now?

5. "Escape from New York" (2009): Original: 1981. ("Escape from Los Angeles": 1996.) Initial reaction: Why not add the U.S. and call it "Escape from America?" Follow-up reaction: Oh right ... San Francisco already exists. Come to think of it: I'd really like to escape from Hollywood.

6. "Fahrenheit 451" (2008): Original: 1966. Initial reaction: Didn't a used bookstore owner in Missouri recently burn books to protest the decline of the printed word? Follow-up reaction: Didn't most of us learn about this story via the Internet? Come to think of it: Isn't the bookstore owner missing the point?

7. "The Fly" (2008): Original: 1958. (Remake: 1986.) Initial reaction: The remake was an exception to the remake rule. Follow-up reaction: The remake rule is that remakes tend to suck. Come to think of it: This rule isn't good news for remakes of remakes.

8. "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (2007): Original: 1956. (Remake: 1978.) Initial reaction: See reactions to "The Fly." Follow-up reaction: Nicole Kidman??? Come to think of it: All of my human emotions have just disappeared.

10. "Sunset Boulevard" (2008): Original: 1950. Initial reaction: Disbelief. Follow-up reaction: Mock laughter. Come to think of it: Has Glenn Close purposefully been fading into obscurity to secure a starring role in the film?