my journey through the depression jungle

beuaty and the beast

the beast hides out in his castle, disfigured from his once acceptable self. “surely, no one could love such a wretched beast such as me”, he says. or maybe the story needs a minor rewrite. maybe the words should read, “i say”.

as i struggle through live, i realize that this tells my story. i hide from my family and friends because truly, who could love this horrid person i’ve become? people keep reminding me of the beauty within, you are smart, intelligent, funny, kind, caring, loving… you do things well; quilting, photography, woodworking, computers,expressing myself… yet, i appear to be blinded.

i struggle to see the good. i try to hold on to what use to be, but it hides masked by this hideous costume, the garb of depression that i now seemingly wear. it feels heavy like a suit of chain mail. its weight is so burdensome and slows me down; i wish i could discard it, throw it aside like the anachronism that it is.

somewhere, deep in side, there weakly shines a glimmer of hope. while today, i can only give an obligatory, half-hearted, at best, recognition for my gifts within, i know something simmers within.i want to reach a place where i can lose this foul beast that i have become. i want to recognize the beauty within that has and always will be there, no matter how transformed and malformed i currently look and feel.

deep inside me stands a power filled man. my power is great and mighty. I have much to offer the world. i hold a capped vessel of abundant pulchritude. i want to open it share it with all who wish to drink from it.

i want the beauty to beat back the beast and claim its rightful place of prestige. that’s my hope, my dream. i want to take up my new place of residence and call it home.

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About bipolarsojourner

i have struggled with episodic depression for years. i then received a diagnosis of being bipolar, only to find out i didn’t. ends up my psychiatrist really meant to say that multiple bouts of depression are often best treated like bipolar. i had already started this blog as bipolar sojourner and didn't want to switch it over. i am documenting my journeys through my depression jungle.

this is me-i’m the one in the middle

i have struggled with episodic depression for years. i then received a diagnosis of being bipolar, only to find out i didn’t. ends up my psychiatrist really meant to say that multiple bouts of depression are often best treated like bipolar. i had already started this blog as bipolar sojourner and didn't want to switch it over. i am documenting my journeys through my depression jungle.