I found myself torn between the three. Am i or am i not. How do you really know. I love women - adore women - have phantasys about them - dream about them - wanting them - sexually, emotionally and yet i feel the same about men. Every sexual dream i had in the last four months i do it with men. I am always wanting it-needing it-asking it yet when i wake and walk the streets i long for the affection love and satisfaction of both sexes. They tell me its all about the orientation. Do they truely believe that the sexual abuse i suffered had nothing to do with it. I jerk off to the thought of men way more than the thought of women - yet i love a women and want to sleep with her. Since my abuse at the age of around seven i have never been sexually again. Yes all my abusers were male - older - stronger and at times i hated it/liked it. But after the abuse i could not let anyone in-sexually. I fail and succeed at self control on and off and i have been involved with numerous women - but never a man. Some say try it out - some say we all feel like this - others say you think to much. How can one truely know what you are? Any suggestions. Two weeks ago i were on tour with a really good friend of mine. Because of circumstances we were forced to use one bed. The thought of being next to him gave me an adrenalin rush. Two days later he started to wrestle me and at the moment i overpowered him i had an erection. It did not stop him from fighting more. Last year i stayed at a friends house. We stayed in the same room. One night i woke up to him masterbating next to me. I had another erection. Is any of this normal? The same friend told me that he had been attracted to men before - even ended up making out with one on a couch to get aroused. Now his married and spend more time with his pals than his wife. Any suggestions / advice for me would be appreciated. I recently met the man again who sodomized me as a child. He changed from the strong handsome and powerfull buffed macho man to an old skinny skeleton figure. Is that my future? Another thing in all of these homo-erotic dreams i am the passive one and in most of them i am tied/forced or beaten during intercourse.

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