I broke my cherry over the weekend: I went to an IKEA for the first time ever, and I'm kind of bummed about it. Now I'm not special, I'm just like everyone else, and all I have to show for it are a couple of coir door mats.

Far more exciting: the whole unit auction coming up at the U-Lock-It Self Storage in Vancouver on Saturday (6807 E Fourth Plain Blvd, 9:30 am), where you can bid on unopened storage units whose unfortunate owners have fallen delinquent on their storage rent. Or are you unfortunate for buying the contents? There's only one way to find out! You could end up with a jackpot of antiques that belonged to someone who didn't know what they were worth (totally something my dad would do) or even some plain-but-useful furniture. OR, you could wind up with someone else's boring mound of paperwork, snuff porn collection, or worse! However, I doubt the bidding ever goes all that high on these things so who cares? Take a risk. Fuck it! And fuck IKEA!

selfstorageoni5.com

U-Lock-It: The perfect excuse to visit scenic Vancouver, Washington.

Also "selfstorageoni5.com" may be the creepiest url I've seen in recent history.