Mrs Mills solves all your problems

I have discovered, through a series of misdirected emails, that there is an Australian Belle de Jour who shares my name

Branch Out

I have discovered, through a series of misdirected emails, that there is an
Australian Belle de Jour who shares my name. As a result, I receive emails
and bookings from men, some of whose addresses link them to large banks and
wealthy firms. Previously I have ignored such requests, but I wonder if you
could suggest a suitable reply.
AMF, by email

“Yes, I am free on the evening you mention.”

Whiff of Danger

My wife’s strap-on TEACUP seems to have a design fault. However, it was
manufactured by an obscure Chinese company and bought on eBay. What are my
statutory rights?
CB, by email

I have substituted the word TEACUP for what you actually wrote; I fear my
readers would otherwise choke on their toast and cough tea all over the
page. TEACUPS are the last thing one should buy on eBay, as one has no idea