Barbie’s Problems

Liz doesn’t play with Barbies like other kids. First of all, they live in the bathtub. Secondly, they act out scenarios demonstrating the awful, morbid results of neglecting the safety rules. Here’s an example:

A little girl was found down at the bottom of the swimming pool. According to her big sister, “She taked too many medicines and it made her brain sick, so she fell in and she can’t swim because she didn’t pass the Minnows class, so she drowned.”

The lifeguards dragged her out of the pool, and she was transported to the hospital (“…but the ambulance had to take a detour because there was a tornado and it knocked down a tree, and the EMTs and paramedics were really frustrated but they didn’t say any swear words…” proof that Liz has never worked on an ambulance). She was seen by Dr. Kickyfeet, who can’t perform surgery or communicate with anyone because he is a duck. Dr. Kickyfeet took over CPR until more doctors showed up.

The little girl’s big sister and her moms arrived at the hospital. The big sister stayed and helped with the surgery (because really, why not?) while the moms went to Target. One mom got a paci for the little girl, so she could sleep. The other mom got a lock for the medicine cabinet. Then they high-fived, kissed each other, and went back to the hospital.

Dr. Kickyfeet, speaking through a translator who speaks duck, said that the little girl would be in surgery for two weeks, and then she’d have to stay home and couldn’t go swimming for a very long time. The little girl’s moms were happy, and the big sister proposed to Dr. Kickyfeet. He said yes.