Reading the Book the Horrid Harridan & Little Timmy Wrote Will Clear Up Your Constipation Immediately!

I recall the enthusiasm level of the current presidential race daily when I bike past a small, hand-painted sign that simply says “NO ONE 2016.” This mood is verified by the virtual absence of bumper stickers and yard signs in Madison, Wisconsin, neighborhood to neighborhood. Actually, there is a large scattering of Russ Feingold signs on both, my yard included. What’s odd, in the “Four More Years!” category, is the Obama bumper stickers (no yard signs) which remain, and remain, along with the fresher Bernie stickers (and yard signs).

Hundreds of humorists, mainly stand-ups, make a living from presidential candidates and presidents. The late, badly-missed Larry Wilmore show had a great Trump character—albeit too thin—acting out in the truly, painfully hilarious Trump manner. A feminist critic has reminded me that we must return to 2008 and SNL to get a strong satire of Hillary (although Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin was much, much funner).

It would have seemed we were stuck this year, unless I am missing something (now and then, Samantha Bee has been very funny, but rarely about Hillary). Until…..the campaign volume by Hillary and Tim Kaine appeared. I suspect these readers’ comments, hilarious in the extreme, are going to be removed shortly. I have removed only the names of the commentators. To protect the innocent.

1.0out of 5 stars The Art of the Shakedown by Hill and Tim

September 16, 2016

Format: Kindle Edition

I bought this thinking it would be a how-to book. I wanted “How to set up your own Foundation for fun and profit.” Also, would like to have seen a chapter on “Ten easy steps to setting up your own secure server in a bathroom.” I do hear there’s going to be a sequel, tentatively called “The Art of the Shakedown.” Should be interesting.

Pre-ordered an autographed copy but had to return it after this week’s announcement as I was worried it was contaminated with pneumonia bacteria. I didn’t want to end up exposed to the illness like her grandkids in Chelsea’s apartment she was playing with on 9/11 after she collapsed, or the little girl she was hugging in the street afterwards. Thought about ordering the Kindle version but I thought it might open my device up to being hacked by communist countries. I wasn’t too surprised to see Tim Kaine on the front cover giving the traditional National Socialist salute, I felt it fitting. Strongly recommended for those who believe the USA isn’t anything special and should be more like the peaceful utopias of North Korea, Iran, or Cuba.

Imagine my dismay when key parts of her life were omitted, would have made for far better reading if she had included all of the below starting with flunking the D.C. Bar Exam to: • Was removed from her House Judiciary Committee staffer job because of incompetence and lying. • The Whitewater scandal. • Married a serial liar and cheater, who occasionally had sexual encounters with nonconsenting partners. • Lied about “sniper fire” in an attempt to simulate exposure to danger in a war zone. The subject of a “vast right-wing conspiracy” that led to the impeachment and disbarment of her husband • Took crockery, furniture, artwork and other items from the White House — had to return and/or pay for them. • Said “what difference, at this point, does it make” about four brave people killed in Libya as a direct result of her failure to protect them on the anniversary of 9/11. • Totally ignored the structure and rules for the handling of sensitive national security information. • Amassed a personal fortune with “speaking fees” and payments from private sector political donors and foreign governments into transparent “foundations”

This is easily the greatest book ever written! I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. I’m going to buy a couple cases so that this book can be in every pew at my church! It’s almost holy in what it contains! The book lays out a vision for our country and all its people. It’s a blueprint for building a nation that flows with milk and honey. Hillary is our deliverer! (OK, Brazile. I wrote what you told me to write. Will you now release my child unharmed?)

Unfortunately I had to read the original script, was not around for it to be published. All and all, I would have to say she had much bigger secrets to sell, and could have increased her sales. Instead she just gave away the secrets when her private server was hacked and made no money at all. Clinton is not making the most of her vast pay-to-play experience.

I’ve tried to come off Ambien for years without success. Every time I’d skip a night I’d lie awake for hours tossing and turning and watching the room light up. My doctor tried other things but nothing worked. Yoga, biofeedback, Benadryl, you name it. I tried it. I was given Stronger Together as a gift and right from the start I knew this was the answer. The usual insincere, self serving, Clinton blandness with a lot of blaming and words like “investing” instead of spending worked their magic. The brain shut down in minutes. Because it works so quickly it only takes a page or so to initiate sleep so it has already paid for itself in Ambien co-pays and I plan to save up for a down payment on a lakefront house with the money I’m saving. Highly recommended.

I was disappointed to learn there is not a chapter on “How I stole the election from Bernie Sanders, and stupidly expected the victims to then vote for me so I could further destroy this country for my profit as my final wish before I die”.

I haven’t read this book, but I already LOVE it, because “I’m With Her!” I already know the beautiful vision she has for America: defeating Trump! Once that is done, there’s nothing more to worry about! I also know, even though I have not read her book yet, that she and Tim (or even just Tim alone, if she needs to rest at Chelsea’s apartment for 4 years), DO have plans for America! I know this based on her past experience and actions! (She’s the most experienced candidate EVER!) I’m With Her because I know she will… 1. Bring America Energy Independence by Fracking it. She will liberate the methane in the North American continent and let it float freely in the atmosphere where it belongs, bringing a warm, fuzzy feeling to us all! 2. Improve the Economy by greenlighting valuable projects (like Pipeline construction from Canada to export ports in Louisiana and refineries in Texas). Even though the XL Pipeline will only create 50 permanent jobs, think of all the temporary clean-up jobs it will create as it sprouts leaks and problems in the years to come! 3. Boost the Economy by putting the Soviet Union back in their place where they really belong: as our long time antagonist! Hillary will show Comrade Putin of the Soviet Union who is boss! She will encourage all nations around the Soviet Union to purchase more weapons from the US (think of the jobs!) and maybe even inspire thousands of jobs cleaning up after a limited nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union! 4. Help the International Economy Go Green! She will encourage places like Honduras to drown local rainforests in order to put in huge multi-national corporations’ hydroelectric projects. Furthermore, she will aid the local governments by supplying them and their coup leaders with arms so they can eliminate pesky opponents like Berta Caceres who oppose Progress. Hillary wants Progress! That’s why she is a Progressive! 5. Continue the Tradition of Godliness and Peace in the Middle East! Hillary supports our friend and ally in Israel and will be sure to encourage their settlement program in which they eliminate pesky little brown people from the West Bank so that the Biblical borders of King David’s Kingdom will once again be restored, bringing Everlasting Peace to the region! 6. Support Main Street by Helping Wall Street! Even though she does not talk about “job creators”, she knows who they are. She knows the best way to make jobs for America is to give tax breaks and bailouts to Goldman Sachs – and she is the one to do this! I’m with Her on this all the way! 7. Carry on Proud American Traditions! She will continue to carry on the tradition of having African-Americans vote for Democrats (no matter what!)! She will continue the proud American tradition of pitting men and women in minimum wage jobs against each other by talking about the gender wage gap (which brutally affects our movie Stars, sports teams, and CEO’s and upper level management) – in other words, she will continue the proud American tradition of identity politics which masks socio-economic divisions: she will UNITE us in fighting each other instead of fighting the 1%! Unity! In summation, even though I have not read this book yet, I give it a 5 star rating because: I’M WITH HER! (and you should be too! Start by buying this book at the highest price you can find it being offered for. That’s how you show you LOVE America!)

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Worst book ever written. I expected it to be a “how to” on deception and backstabbery, but not one word about how to convincingly lie or shakedown Wall St. bankers for millions. Very disappointed. I hear my suicide has been scheduled for next weekend. I will mysteriously put two in the back of my head. It will be ruled a “mugging” although my wallet, watch, laptop, and briefcase will all be found intact at the scene.

This review is of ██████ which was made available to ████████████ by means of ████████████ is considered ██████. No part of ████████████ including ██████ or ████████████████████████ is to be shared outside of ████████████. FOIA requests do not apply to this message because……..well because I don’t want them to. It includes █████████████████████████ which can be considered politically embarrassing so I’ve taken it upon myself to decide you aren’t allowed to see it. ████████████ should never be shared because ████████████████████████. But it’s all totally innocent and you should just trust me.

Anyway I had full intentions of reading this book. But then I had this horrible allergy attack so I couldn’t get through it. Wait, did I say allergy attack? I meant I was just a little overheated. I sat down to read this on a day when it was a whopping 78 degrees and low humidity with a gentle breeze but who can tolerate those oppressive conditions? No wait…I was dehydrated! That’s it…yeah I was dehydrated! I couldn’t read this book because I was dehydrated.

So I really meant to read this book but….oh hang on I forgot that I have pneumonia. THAT is the REAL reason why I didn’t read this book! I was bedridden with pneumonia for an hour and a half, the exact time I had set aside to read this book.

[C] Forget all those other reasons. I just……uh……mispoke. I simply forgot I had a life threatening illness like pneumonia. See, I forget things sometimes because I had this horrible concussion a few years back. It makes me forget really important things, even things I know I must have done because I signed legal documents stating that I’d done them. I can’t event remember why I keep putting that [C] in front of these paragraphs. Wacky!

But great news, now I can read this because I drank some water or something and suddenly I’m feeling like a million bucks! Oh wait…saying ‘a million bucks’ reminds me….I can’t read this book today. I forgot I was hired to give a speech today to a bunch of Wall Street executives about….well quite frankly what I’m giving a speech about is none of your business. But just know that I hate those Wall Street executives, no matter how many millions of dollars they pay me to give speeches!

So tomorrow…tomorrow I’ll read this book! I was going to go take a tour of the flood damage in Louisiana tomorrow, but instead I’m going to read this book. Trust me!

The only reason I won’t read this book tomorrow is if I’m suddenly no longer alive. But I’m not suicidal, I want to be very clear about that. The brakes in my car are in perfect operating condition. And I purposely avoid affluent Washington neighborhoods where I’d likely be shot but not robbed of any of my valuables. So the odds that I will be alive tomorrow so I can read this book are decent!!!

2 thoughts on “Reading the Book the Horrid Harridan & Little Timmy Wrote Will Clear Up Your Constipation Immediately!”

Yes, it’s true — we can all hardly wait for she-who-shall-not-be-named to be crowned queen! I laughed all the way thru this article, and that’s not an easy thing to do concerning that particular woman.