better days

there are days where my darkness decides to take a breath of fresh air. i never thought about how exhausting it could be to nag at someone’s mind unceasingly, to suffocate their heart constantly.

there are never good days, never great days – just ‘better’ days. these are the days where the surface enclosing in on me rumbles with hope and cracks at the seam – just enough for a little sliver of light to shine in between. the days where the weight of the world is on my fingertips and i am able to mold this pressure into a release of flowing words.

but oh – how i dream of the better days. the days where my hair is made of satin and my skin isn’t paper thin. the days where the flood from my tears is no longer a wrecking tsunami in my eyes. the water calms beneath me, finally, and i am able to breathe again. the ripples in the still water surrounding me remind me that sometimes things need to fluctuate to become something beautifully soothing. the days where the sound of my heart beating does not alarm me because it no longer reminds me of my rapid anxiety, but rather that i am alive.

these are the days where i can finally see that damn rainbow in all of it’s glory. and when i realize the reflection of the pastel pink sunrise in the water is me. what i didn’t realize was that the water from the flood was nourishing and that little amount of light that seeped through the crevices was just enough. there are flowers growing from my skin and i am dreaming of the better days.