I'm one of the lucky ones. Life on the whole has been and continues to be good to me. I get up every morning, happy. More often than not, with a smile on my face. I really do. But then some bastard goes and fucking ruins it. Well, here they are. Bastards, every last one of them.

Tuesday

KEO5 TXG. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD. YOU PISS ME OFF YOU BASTARD.

Got this is the post today. Well, I didn't, it was addressed to my 4 year old son, but he's only 4 and can't read, so I opened it. It's a brochure for cashmere tops and cashmere leggings and cashmere scarfs and cashmere hats and cashmere stuff, oh and a free cashmere rabbit if you spend over £100.

Now, let me repeat that again.

My 4 year old son got sent a brochure for expensive cashmere clothing. They seem to think that he might want to spend over £100 on such items and that the offer of a cashmere toy will close the deal.

Well, Boutique Enfant, let me put you straight on one or two things. He doesn't get that much pocket money and he's not interested in your expensive clothes, not least because they don't have spiderman knitted on them. So all you've managed to do is PISS OFF HIS DAD, YOU BASTARDS

These here are the wheels of my bike. Front and back. And if you look carefully you'll no doubt notice they're sans dust caps. That's because some toe-rag, hoodie type with dreams of being a master criminal took it upon himself to steal them.

And the really pathetic bit, the bit that makes me pity him for the life he'll live and waste, is, if you go into pretty much any bike shop they'll just give you a couple free. You don't need to steal them, you arse, you didn't have to PISS ME OFF YOU CHAVVY BASTARD.

Ordered the above book from Amazon the other week and it was delivered today in this state. Now, I've used Amazon for ages, so I know they'll change it with no hassle. The trouble is the hassle was already happened.

I got excited at my new package, only to be pissed off. Now I've got to print off the free postage sticker from Amazon, Find an envelope. Find another one that the book will fit in. Find some glue stick the labell to it. Go to the post office. Wait anohter week or so.

And all because some bastard didn't pull, or got cut up on the way to work, or was bollocked by their boss or something and so decided to take it out on my book.

Actually you know what really pisses me off? It's the fact you couldn't damage a book to this extent without noticing and yet the bastard still packed it. So did the moron who packed this really think I wouldn't notice, or wouldn't care? For that reason alone YOU REALLY PISSED ME OFF YOU SLOPPY, LAZY BASTARD.

*By the way I know it wasn't the post office this time, as the packaging was fine. But give them time, they'll soon appear here