That’s right! The Regals have landed! For a little me time ahead of Father’s Day.

Do a little speech, play a little golf Get down tonight, get down tonight Do a little speech, play a little golf Get down tonight, get down tonight H/T K.C. And The Sunshine Band

Watch out Marilyn! Michelle is here!

Prior to hitting the links and the cash machine in Palm Springs, BHO managed to squeeze in a “meeting of the mimes”and do a bit of speechify about the increasingly hot situation in Iraq. Specifically, he stated definitively that:

we will be monitoring the situation in Iraq

our priority remains to be vigilant against threats to our personnel serving overseas (how’s that working out for you?)

we will be consulting with Congress as we make determinations about further options (is that really necessary?)

he asked his national security team to prepare an array of other options (uh, isn’t that what they’re there for?)

I’ll be reviewing those options in the days ahead (after my fund raiser and relaxing golf weekend)

So don’t worry, America, I’ve got your back! Even though we were caught flat footed again surprised by the latest chaos that has erupted in Iraq:

Friday, June 13, 2014

NOTE: This is part of a continuing series of exclusive, clandestine, interviews with my mole known only as “Deep Quote” or “Molsterman,” (who may or may not also be known as “Little Mo” to the MOTUS community) Molsterman is currently serving under deep cover at NSA. (Presented, as always, with apologies to the Ulsterman Report)

I recently sat down again withMolsterman to talk about the controversy surrounding Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s ransom and return .

MOTUS: Thanks for stopping by. I understand you have been digging into NSA’s Bowe Bergdahl dossier.

Molsterman: Yeah, I’m a mole, that’s what I do: dig.

MOTUS: Okay, sorry, butt you have been looking into the Bowe Bergdahl story, right?

Molsterman: Yeah, that’s right. I’ve been rooting around, and since he headed back to the U.S. late yesterday I thought you would want to know about some of the dope I have on him.

MOTUS: So, what have you unearthed that the MOTUS Nation should know about?

Molsterman: The MOTUS Nation? You’ve been listening to too much talk radio, doll. Turn it off and rely on people like me if you want the straight scoop.

Look, the official record wasn’t “finalized” at the Landstuhl medical center in Germany until yesterday. It looks like Bergdahl has finally “learned” what happened to him so he’s deemed safe and free to return home and meet with his family. From what I hear though, there were many, many rehearsals, if you know what I mean and I think you do.

MOTUS: You said Bergdahl had to “learn” what happened to him?

Molsterman: Good, you’re paying attention.

MOTUS: Butt wouldn’t he know what happened to him? Or did he get a bump on the head, like Hillary?

Molsterman: You can’t still be that naïve, MOTUS. You know as well as I do that what really happened ain’t gonna cut it: not with the Republicans, not with the Democrats, not with the Media and certainly not with Big Guy. No way is the story gonna be “Bowe hates America, deserted his post and joined the Taliban.” That’s just a bad B movie. And they disliked the CIA’s story of the “Manchurian POW” even more, so that leaves us just one option.

After getting his head wrapped around the local customs, “Bergdahl served with honor and distinction.”

MOTUS: Are you suggesting that they are going to make up “the big lie” about what happened?

Molsterman: No, I’m not suggesting it, I’m confirming it.

MOTUS: Well, what will they say?

Molsterman: This will be the official story line: Bowe was always a sensitive kid, when he was younger he used ballet to work through his inner conflicts – just like Rahm, except he wasn’t Jewish.

Deeply troubled by Bush’s war, Bowe enlisted so he could help the Afghan people. When he got to Afghanistan he was overwhelmed by the senseless loss of life - and lack of discipline within his unit - and he just wanted the killing on both sides to stop. He thought that if he went to the Taliban leaders, alone and unarmed, he could convince them to end the war because, after all, they are members of the religion of peace. Had anyone been paying close attention they would have noted that Bowe was as delusional as Obama and clearly didn’t belong anywhere near a theatre of war. But alas, as stated previously, discipline in his unit was lax so nobody noticed.

Bowe will say the Taliban didn’t understand his intentions, but treated him well – except for that one time when he tried to escape, but that was all his fault. They shared their food, language and religion with him; and on the whole they proved themselves to be hail fellows well met. He will say he is sorry he left his post, but his intentions were pure and he planned to return as soon as he had secured a cease fire from the Taliban. Then he’ll thank Obama, Allah and his parents for bringing him home at such a great expense (to be calculated and paid at a later date).

MOTUS: So, that’s not the way it actually happened?

Molsterman: Kid, are you sure you’re ready for prime time? That cockamamie story wouldn’t even fly as aHomeland plot. The truth is locked down at NSA and Langley; all his emails, phone calls, and daddy’s too. I can’t tell you everything, but I can tell you that all the Taliban ever asked for was money. It was our side - well, technically “our side” - that suggested the swap for 5 crazed terrorists. Getting rid of Gitmo’s worst of the worst makes transferring the rest of them to the Land of Lincoln to serve out their days much more palatable to the good citizens of Illinois.

Unfortunately the whole scam is beginning to collapse under the weight of so many amateur prevaricators: first Obama said he was the decider; then he saidHagel was the actual decider, only Hagel didn’t get the memo telling him to fall on his sword, so he tells Congress it was Big Guy’s idea all along. Despite anything you may have heard, there’s really no honor among thieves and scoundrels.

The real story will come out some day, long after these Chicagoland thugs have gone. The career spooks don’t like this posse, not one little bit. But they’re still afraid of them so we won’t get the truth until it’s too late.

MOTUS: Will that fly? I mean, even Chris Matthews thinks the Bergdahl guy’s a deserter. And as they say, once you’ve lost the Tingles, the thrill is gone…

Part 1:

Part 2:

Molsterman: Yeah, Tingles has already heard from ’bama Central, and he’ll tone it down and probably have to apologize for his rash comments. Nobody is going to let the story be “Obama traded 5 of the most vicious, dangerous anti-American terrorists in the world for a traitor who deserted his post and collaborated with the enemy,” although that is the short version.

So the Pentagon will “investigate” and conclude that Bowe left his post without authorization because of the lax discipline displayed by the commanding officers in his unit. They will find that he fully intended to return after he had a chance to talk to the terrorists and help them see the light. Either that or they’ll say he just wandered off into the beautiful countryside to watch another glorious sunrise, fell asleep, lost his compass, got disoriented and couldn’t find his way home. Either way, as you like to say MOTUS, “ipso fatso” he was not technically a deserter.

They’ll throw the military a bone by reducing his rank, docking his pay and slapping him on the wrist. Bowe will apologize to America and his platoon – in both English and Pashto. He’ll say his heart goes out to the families who lost loved ones in the effort to find him. Then he will say, with a weak quivering voice, that he wishes he could trade places with the soldiers who died trying to find him…and I do too.

MOTUS: Wow, the whole story is kind of scary.

Molsterman: You bet your mainframe girly. I’ve already told you too much. So if anybody asks, tell them I just made it all up in order to give you an early summer ratings bump. And I needed to get the book outline down for my editor anyway, so you might as well get a scoop.

MOTUS: You’re writing a book!?

Molsterman: Of course, everyone is and I’ve heard the retainers are astronomical if you have a big enough name or enough poop to scoop.

MOTUS: Butt you just said that it was all basically a pack of lies.

Molsterman: Two things: lies sell, and really big lies sell really big. Plus, haven’t I taught you anything? Just because I told you they were lies doesn’t mean they’re not true.

MOTUS: Oh. Now I’m confused and scared.

Molsterman: No need to be. BTW, did I mention that I’ll be needing to hole up here in your bunker for a while?

MOTUS: Sweet! It’s always fun when you visit. Can you stay for the weekend? I’ll get the rollaway out and make some popcorn.

Molsterman: It might be longer than that. I’ve made a few enemies at State, NSA and the Pentagon with this one, so I need to lay low for awhile. And I won’t be needing the rollaway. I’ll just be sitting here, back to the wall, facing the door. Oh, and maybe popcorn isn’t such a good idea either. I may be a little jittery and I don’t want the sound of popcorn hitting a metal lid to set off a code blue around here.

MOTUS: OK then. Oh my! Is that a 500 Smith & Wesson Magnum!? I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to have that in here, Molsterman.

Molsterman: Don’t worry, nobody knows I’m here.

MOTUS: That’s a pretty big gun for such a little mole; why in the world do you even have a .50 caliber revolver?

Molsterman: Just one reason little missy... ‘cause they don’t make a .51 caliber.

Molsterman: Now you should get back to work and just act normal.

MOTUS: Nothing has been “normal” around here for going on 6 years, butt you mean just keep on reflecting, like usual?

Molsterman: That’s right, reflect the truth back into the universe. That’s all anybody can do anymore. You keep reflecting, your readers can keep deriding and people like me will have to take care of the rest.

And remember: You didn’t see me. I was never here. I am like the wind, sort of like the Big Guy.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Can you connect the dots in the three stories below? I’ve provided some hints along the way.

Story #1:

“Paul Robeson High School’s2014 prom theme: “This is Are Story.” Drafted by prom committee, reviewed and approved by their TA (teacher advisor).

And since this is the Senior Prom, we assume that this was written by one of the lucky 25% who are/our actually going to graduate high school.

Story #2:

LOS ANGELES—A California judge declared the state's strong teacher-tenure laws unconstitutional in a rebuke that promises to spur similar challenges around the country.

The student plaintiffs in the lawsuit against the state and two teachers unions successfully argued that statutes protecting teacher tenure, dismissal procedures and "last-in, first-out" layoff policies serve more often to keep ineffective instructors in the schools—hurting students' chances to succeed.

On second thought, perhaps that Prom program slogan was written four the students by won of there teechurs:

SAN FRANCISCO: "I am confident that the Court of Appeal will reverse this decision," said James Finberg, lead attorney for both the California Teachers Association and the California Federation of Teachers. "Having the security that you won't be fired without cause is one of the things that makes teaching an attractive profession."

Who, you ask, are the 37.5% who still think BHO is competent at his job? Where do they come from? If you’ve been paying close attention to the clues - and haven’t attended public school anytime in the past 30 years or so - you’ve probably already connected the dots. If not, here are a few final clues:

How many ways can you misspell school? If your answer is “more than won,” thank a teacher.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

How’s thatamnestymasquerading as immigration reform working out for you now, Eric?

When you make a deal with the devil, the devil always wins.

“The defeat of the second-ranking Republican in the House by an ill-funded, little-known tea party-backed candidate ranks as the biggest Congressional upset in modern memory and will immediately generate a series of political and policy-related shockwaves in Washington and the Richmond-area 7th district.”

The embedded moral, if anyone’s interested, is thatflouting the law of the land and thumbing your nose at the will of people isn’t really a good idea. Big Guy might want to keep that in mind before he get’s that pen of his out to declare those who are illegal to be legal.

Because when the people finally get “as mad as hell” they just aren’t going to take it anymore. Right Howard?

“Reagan was unelectable … or was until he was elected. Lincoln was unelectable. Bush 41 was a shoo-in … until he wasn’t. The history of elections in the United States is strewn with egregious predictions and declarations. Dewey Defeats Truman! Except, well, he didn’t.”

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

SAWYER: You’ve made five million making speeches? The president’s made more than a hundred million dollars?

CLINTON:Well, you have no reason to remember, but we came out of the White House not only dead broke but in debt. We had no money when we got there, and we struggled to piece together the resources for mortgages for houses, for Chelsea’s education. You know, it was not easy. Bill has worked really hard and it’s been amazing to me. He’s worked very hard. First of all, we had to pay off all our debts. You know, you had to make double the money because of, obviously, taxes, and then pay off the debts and get us houses and take care of family members.

“Because, you know, taxes.”

“And, you know, houses.”

Well, there’s “broke,” there’s “dead broke” and then there’s the moral equivalency “broke” of the cognoscenti 1%. The Clinton’s “broke” clearly falls under the latter category and might more accurately be described as “moral bankruptcy.”

Monday, June 9, 2014

That’s right, the boob belt is definitely back for the long haul. First, at the White House where it announced Lady M’s Mayors’ Challenge to End Veterans Homelessness:

Closeup of the radiator belt:

Here’s a crazy idea: how about we actually treat our Vets’ mental illnesses so they don’t end up homeless?

Later, the old double belted radial appeared at Maya Angelou’s memorial, to relate how Maya effected Lady M:

"She made me feel like I owned the place, too. She made me feel like I had been born on that stage right next to her. And I remember thinking to myself, “Maya Angelou knows who I am, and she’s rooting for me. So, now I’m good. I can do this. I can do this.” (Applause, naturally.)

And that’s really true for us all, because in so many ways, Maya Angelou knew us. She knew our hope, our pain, our ambition, our fear, our anger, our shame. And she assured us that despite it all –- in fact, because of it all -– we were good. And in doing so, she paved the way for me and Oprah and so many others just to be our good, old, black-woman selves. (Applause, naturally.)

And as we all know, it’s all about how Lady M feels. And right now, she’s feelin’, you know, “I’m good. I can do this.” God help America.

And here’s just a heads up: I’m meeting with Molsterman later this week. He says he’s got something I should know about.