If you’ve ever struggled with letting go, here’s why

We don’t know what we don’t know. This statement may sound rather cryptic but is actually very profound.

It means that, when we’re unaware of something such as a limiting belief, we cannot make changes. And, what’s worse, those limiting beliefs will drive our choices with disappointing results without us knowing why.

Over the years I’ve shared with you some of my poor choices – choosing my life partner, staying in a loveless marriage for as long as I did, never asking for help because I believed people would regard me as a burden and many more.

You’d think I’d be a lot more self-aware but here’s the thing.

Becoming self-aware is not a once-and-for-all event. It’s like peeling an onion – there are always more layers to uncover!

Awareness can come in all sorts of ways – in my case, my latest collision between self-perception and reality came via a dear friend of mine.

This is a good moment for me to define what friendship means to me.

A friend is somebody who lovingly tells me the truth even if it feels risky and does so knowing I will most likely not want to hear it.

I’ve known people in the past who didn’t tell me what I needed to know using the excuse “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings!” – one that, unfortunately, I used myself. By the way, these people are no longer in my life.

But back to this latest insight. This one came compliments of the new data protection regulation.

As a solopreneur I was forced to try to figure out how to manage my weekly email list.

Having sent out my first IMPORTANT INFORMATION, I received only 6 replies.

The regulations clearly state that, those who do not explicitly re-subscribe are to be deleted. I panicked.

I thought about it. I told myself that sometimes people don’t reply for a variety of reasons – not necessarily because they don’t want to be on my list.

I asked other friends in a similar position as mine what they were doing. In the end I decided that my next reminder was going to state that, if they didn’t want to be on my list they can always unsubscribe – which is against both the letter and the spirit of the new regulations.

My reasoning was that I didn’t want to throw out the baby with the bath water.

One friend, a very dear one who is on my list, replied and put me straight. We exchanged several emails. She understood my fears but I had to deal with the reality – I really did not want to hear this!

But, after some agonising, I unexpectedly experienced several profound insights that turned my self-perception inside out – a startling experience!

I realised

that I didn’t trust my readers to know what they wanted and

that doing it ‘my way’ was way of controlling them (ouch!)

But the best insight of all was realising that having 45 people who really want to receive my blogs is much better than 200 who don’t care one way or the other.

I can’t tell you what a relief it was for me to let go of the feeling that I had to control everything!

It made me wonder, what are you holding on to that no longer serves you?

With love and gratitude,

Sue

P.S. I coach women over 50 who have not yet made the connection between the quality of their relationship with themselves and others and the quality of their health.