News Item: The President holds the final news conference of the year with White House correspondents.

Yes, fellow llamas, I have to admit to you this job is a privilege, a privilege to serve you. So I spend each day doing my best to improve opportunity and the standard of living of the ordinary llama. And it pains me we are the most unequal society in the developed animal world.

Yes, yes, I know what you are asking. But we all know the private sector is more efficient. What if some gouge profits, we have to use the framework already in place to be efficient. So the banks have received trillions in interest free loans. How was I to know they would hog it? They were supposed to make lives better; instead, they have been yanking llamas out of their shelters sometimes so unfairly they are now obliged to make settlements.

I brought you health care -- at least health insurance. Yes, yes, I know they treat each federally insured person as a prize goose to be plucked with tests and unnecessary tests paid for by the government, and hospital, drugs, and doctor fees so outrageous it would make them blush with shame in other lands. But we have the best gold-plated medical care in the world -- for some. See how they come here to be treated. Yes, yes, I know we have the worst birth outcomes, unnecessary deaths from lack of care, and lower life expectancies in our peer group. But you know what they say, 'you win some, you lose some'.

I am doing my part. I have, at great expense, moved my family away from the luxury of my mansion and the decadence of Washington to live simply in Hawaii for the Christmas season. I help out at places serving free food to the foodless. I encourage you to do the same even if you are among the increasing numbers seeking such help. Worry not. I spend my waking hours devising ways to help you.