We had someone come in today that wanted to try and put $85 worth of fuel into a ’94 Honda Civic. That’s not gonna work, at least not at $3.49/gal. But, hey, what do I know? I’m just a stupid, illiterate cashier at a gas station.

So he gives me $60 cash, and wants to put $25 on his gift card. He gets, SOMEHOW, $70 worth of fuel into that car. He then comes inside for the rest. The register AUTOMATICALLY puts it back onto his gift card. He then proceeds to scream at me (no, not yell, not raise his voice, blood curdling, “OHMYGODHELPMEHELPHELPIMBEINGRAPEDOMGOMGOMGIMGONNADIE” screaming) that *I* should have asked him how he wanted his change back.

So I let him finish (I AM Mr. Customer-Service) and then calmly attempted to explain that I have no control over it and the computer did it AUTOMATICALLY. He apparently didn’t like that response, so he threw his gift card at me and DEMANDED that I give him his money back. At this point, with a polite customer, I will empathize, explain there’s nothing I’m aware of that I can do, however, if you have a few minutes I can call Helpdesk/my boss and see if there’s a work-around for it.

Not Mr. Throw-shit-in-my-face-and-cuss-me-out-and-accuse-me-of-robbing-him-blind. No, I slammed the card down on the counter, gave him his receipt, and said, “well, SIR, since I’m NOT a computer and you’re too stupid to understand, why don’t you take this bag that has the customer service number on it and call to see what they say.”

“YOU OWE ME MONEY!”

“I don’t owe you anything. The money is still in your possession on that gift card.”

“You should have asked me-”

“What part of ‘the computer did it automatically’ did you NOT understand?”

“Well, you need to give me a printout that shows my fifteenfuckingdollars is on this card!” (Don’t get me started on the singular v. plural thing, please.)

So I give it to him, and he starts screaming again, so I talk over him and say, “well, sir, YOU’RE the one who paid for the fuel, and here’s THAT receipt. YOU’RE the one that couldn’t get all the fuel into your car, and here’s THAT receipt. And since you INSIST I’m trying to rip you off, here’s the receipt that shows the balance remaining on your card-”

“Then I want to cash this in!”

“It says on the back it’s NOT returnable for cash! The card HAS NO CASH VALUE! Now take your money and GET OUT OF MY STORE!”

I should have known it was going to be a fun day when the first thing I had to do was clean up 33 gallons of fuel because the BRAND NEW nozzle disintegrated in a customers hand.