Springtime, Allergies & Mexican River Water

Danged allergies anyhow.

When I was a kid, Spring and Summer was my favorite time of the year. The birds was a cheepin’, the flowers were a bloomin’, and of course the girls wore those shorty shorts.

But since about the time I hit high school, I started getting real allergic every Spring. About the time that yeller junk starts to collecting on every dang thing outside I start getting itchy eyes, itchy throat and itchy ears. Then I start sneezin’ every two minutes and my nose starts running like a water hose.

It ain’t fun.

I tried a home-remedy that Luke Fenwick suggested that included four types of antihistamine, Nyquil and a horse tranquillizer mixed with a fifth of tequila and some sort of brown powder.

Sure, It stopped the allergies but I spent 3-days freaked-out thinking that John Stamos was trying to crawl out my bellybutton and afraid to come out of the bathtub because of the purple alligators that had the head of Bea Arthur. Shoot, I probably won’t ever do that again.

You think I would learn about Fenwick’s stupid home remedies. One time he had one he guaranteed would work. It was a diet plan that included a tapeworm and drinking a gallon of pure, undiluted Mexican river water everyday. It is best not to make plans for a week or so if you do this diet. Sure you’ll lose weight, but if you sneeze at the wrong time, you’ll mess your socks.

Home remedies are something I have had pushed on me since I was a lil’ Elwood.

Whenever we got a bad chest cough, grandma had a tonic made with whiskey, honey and lemon juice. I don’t know if it helped the cough, but you sure didn’t care as much that you was sick after sucking down a half bottle of that concoction.

Mustard packs would sure open up your sinuses and keep people that didn’t love you far away.
I guess I will keep sufferin’ and taking the allergy pills from the store when it gets real bad.

Of course, the fish are bitin’, so I think I can find the silver lining here.

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