God Has A Rap Sheet

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All Rise...

If Judge Aaron Bossig had a dollar for every petty criminal he met who pretended to be God, he'd invest in a nice mocha latte.

The Charge

"From the creator of The Jerky Boys!"

Opening Statement

I really wish marketing goons would stop saying that. This movie couldn't
have less to do with The Jerky Boys.

Facts of the Case

Done in the style of a philosophical dialogue, God Has a Rap Sheet is
an interesting little movie. In a New York City jail cell, a group of men
arrested for various offenses spends the night just trying to tolerate each
other. At the center of the group is an older prisoner who claims to be God. He
isn't a burning bush or a mighty king, but a senile old man who's missing a few
teeth and appears to have soiled himself.

The Evidence

As characters, the cellmates aren't extremely deep, but this is one instance
where that is a good thing. The people in the story aren't supposed to be unique
individuals; they exist to be ethnic representatives. Each character is the sum
of a race, sect, or creed condensed into one man. Each is given the most extreme
and intolerant view possible (except the British guy, who seems somewhat
reasonable), and then set loose onto someone who hates him just as much as he
hates them.

In order to give the characters a personal touch, each is granted a short
flashback. The scenes are done well and appropriate for the movie's tone. Except
one that sticks out like a sore thumb: the back story for God himself. We get a
few nuggets of explanation as to how God came to be in a prison cell, both
supernatural and worldly. In either case, the explanations raise more questions
than they answer. This movie deals with eternal problems like "Why do good
things happen to bad people?," "If God loves us, why is the world He
made for us so brutal?," and "Can people with conflicting cultures
ever truly co-exist?" With all that going on, why add more
questions…especially questions no one is asking?

Granted, it's a minor criticism. After all, how does one write for God?
There aren't any strict rules on the matter, but God Has a Rap Sheet
exists to explain and reflect upon humanity. Trying to explain the divine
doesn't seem to help.

God or not, the man does a fine job of bringing everyone's tensions right to
the surface. The cellmates are paired up so that no one likes anyone, and each
has a polar opposite to squabble with. The Muslim sneers at the Jew. The black
thug irritates the white supremacist. Their arguments extract the bare truth
about prejudice, written to show a group at its worst. Yet in each case, a bit
of truth shines through. After all of these centuries, no one is totally
innocent.

The extras provided by the DVD edition are a nice addition. Director Kamal
Ahmed provides a commentary for the film, and provides nice insights on why he
made certain decisions. He doesn't have much experience, but I respect his
conviction as a director. Also offered is the trailer and a brief
"Making-of" feature, which is much less detailed than the commentary.
Mostly, it seems to be a Nextel commercial without the punch line. A sampling of
the movie's soundtrack is included, divided into tracks, which is a very nice
use of DVD technology. More movies should try something like
this—especially independent films, which have such offbeat
soundtracks.

The Rebuttal Witnesses

When a movie has an idea as ambitious as this, it's frustrating to the viewer
when the filmmakers don't completely follow through. The God character in
particular isn't used much until the second half of the movie. Even then, his
lines are limited to brief nuggets of wisdom rather than complex monologues.
Though I appreciate the "less is more" approach, we're dealing with
God, not Socrates. He should have answers, and lots of them. In the film, the
cellmates fight and squabble with God acting as a referee. I'd have preferred to
see more sermons or revelations. If you or I were locked in a room with the
Almighty, I don't think we'd be content to let Him just sit and watch.

In terms of presentation, the DVD is underwhelming. While the video quality
isn't too bad—anamorphically enhanced—the audio quality is
noticeably uneven. The prison cell creates a nasty echo in the dialogue, the
effect of which ranges from being mildly annoying to downright distracting. This
is a clearly a product of the source material and the limited resources of an
independent movie, but the cost to the viewer is high nonetheless.

Closing Statement

We could sit here all day and argue over which particular parts didn't work,
but it's not necessary. God Has a Rap Sheet is a smart and well-written
movie, full of sharp dialogue and great acting. If you're looking for an
equal-opportunity indictment of the whole human race, look no further.

The Verdict

The defendant has shown valor by writing dense themes and directing a movie
under the worst of circumstances. This excuses his trivial offenses. Not
guilty.