UppedTheAnte.

As a Mama to 3 little ones I’ve seen and experienced a lot of really gross stuff.

Like, really gross stuff.

But today I think my tiny baby Nonny upped the ante.

We were at gymnastics watching Bitzy when my Nonny got super fussy. I knew she was hungry so as I was talking to a daddy who was beside me I attempted to feed her with a blanket over us, which means I’m awkwardly trying to chat while trying to not expose my entire breast to a sort-of stranger.

As I was feeding her I felt her tummy rumble and the next thing I know there is baby poop (breastfed poppy, think yellow mustard), all over my hands, pants, and as if this wasn’t gross enough, it began dripping on my feet and into my flip flops.

Yes, I’m serious. This actually did happen.

This is also about the time that class was dismissed (of course). I asked the dad that I had been talking with to ask Bitzy to come upstairs to me.

The problem is that my Bitzy has quite an active gag reflex.

I got a blanket on the floor to try and change Nonny I realized that I have 89 packs of wipes in the van but ZERO packs in the actual diaper bag. I mean, why should I?

So, luckily I had to blankets with me. I used them to clean us up. And by some miracle of Jesus I did actually have another outfit for her. Call me prepared.

Meanwhile Bitzy is standing over me coughing her brains out and gagging. In between gags she would say, “CAN (gag) WE (gag) BOUNCE AT THE (gag) BOUNCY HOUSE (gag)?”

I wasn’t sure how to accurately express to her how absolutely impossible it would be for me to go to the bouncy house with BABY POOP BETWEEN MY TOES. So I said, “No baby, let’s just go to Lolly’s and get Brother, OK?”

Thank Jesus she obeyed and didn’t push me.

After an insane morning with lotsa crying from Brother and then the poopy debacle, I wasn’t in a great place to argue.

But alas, just when I think I have reached my limit, they push me yet again.

When we left Lolly’s to go home to nap, about 10 minutes away, both Nonny and Brother were loudly crying.

As to not be drowned out Bitzy starts screaming, “CAN’T WE ALL JUST BE STILL FOR A MINUTE! I NEED TO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC FOR MY BALLET RECITAL AT THE ROYAL BALL WITH PRINCE CHARMING! YOU ALL NEED TO OBEY ME!”

Happy place, happy place, happy place.

When we got home I immediately put Nonny to sleep and then easily put down my wacky son who has been possessed this week. His new favorite thing is biting. So there’s that.

Then it was time for Bitzy. She’s always the hardest and most time consuming to get down for a nap.

But today, I think she could see the doneness in my eyes.

She went right to sleep without a fight.

Finally, this dirty, poopy Mama got a shower and it never felt so good.

I’m in the trenches friends and somedays it’s really, really stinky down here.

Tell me that I’m not alone. Pretty please. Or as Brother would say, “PEETTY PEAS WIT SWUGAR ON TAP?”

5 Responses

Molly…….wow, lol. I’m speechless and gagging. I share Bitzy’s issues with gagging, so I feel her pain lol. As for me? I would have further embarassed myself by cramming my feet in the nearest sink, swimming pool, spa, whatever I have sensory issues, but school wasn’t as advanced when I was a kid so I wasn’t diagnosed with what would today be called “Sensory Aversion Disorder” because the day they made me finger paint ended up with me throwing up I would literally pay you $20 to fish a mushy/rotten cucumber out of the vegetable drawer to avoid that sensation ugh. So all that to say if I can wash whatever the offending substance off fairly quickly all goes well, but it would have been ugly until I found something… ANYTHING to plunge my feet into.

I’ve had camryn as a toddler throw up in my mouth before. I was rocking her she sat up looked at me as projectile vomited in my face. I then held out my hands and let her finish puking. Before kids I would have been puking right back on her. But something in the mama switch fixes that. Lol. So no you are not alone!

Oh Molly! Although mine have grown up a bit, youngest being 3. I do feel your pain. As if nursing in public can sometimes be awkward enough then for that to happen, I can’t imagine! Well I enjoyed the story and it reminds me how glad I am we are OUT of that stage of issues, lol! Keep the stories coming!

I am a sugar addict. This, you must know. Any sugar will do. Well, except for those weird smushy hamburger candies and I've never been much for black licorice. I'll pass on those. But any other sugar is fair game.