Since Jennifer Aniston’s fiancé is a Ducati-riding badass bitch who uses motorcycle grease to slide his legs into a pair of XS wax-coated black jeggings and makes his manicurist put authentic dirt under his fingernails so he looks extra hard, she has to keep up with his butter knife edginess. And she is!

Jennifer’s makeup artist friend Gucci Westman (that sounds like the name of a shelved character from Beverly Hills Teens, or like the name of a white Pomeranian) Instagrammed a picture of their matching cartilage studs yesterday. Jennifer got a 1990s mall piercing after she took a machete to her hair because Keratin ate the life out of her locks. (A cold shiver of fear just crawled up the spine of the reigning Keratin Kween Justin Timberlake. JT should really cover Billy Ocean’s “Caribbean Queen” and change the lyrics to “Keratin Kween.”)

After Jen and Gucci used forged letters from their parents to get their ears pierced, they listened to the Soul Asylum album at a listening station at Tower, tried to get free samples from the Clinique counter, stole a midriff turtleneck top from Contempo Casuals and while they were waiting for their moms to pick them up in the front of the mall, they did each other nails with Street Wear nail polish. But Jennifer’s boyfriend Justin Theroux showed up on his bike before her mom did and he gave her a ride home. Gucci was so fucking jealous.

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