LANSING, MI—Local atheist man Frank Hunter made a public vow nearly a month ago: he would live without any benefit or assistance from scientific advancements made by people who believed in God, specifically by scientists who were Christians.

Sadly, Hunter was dead within a month, passing away this Tuesday, after being forced to reject the vast majority of modern science and medicine due to their roots in Christian thought.

“I will live without any scientific advancements made by Christians, or anyone who believed in God,” he had said bravely. He then immediately stopped washing his hands, refused to drink pasteurized products like milk and other beverages, resulting in his getting severely ill earlier this month.

Soon after, Hunter happily drove his car over the edge of a ravine, declaring that the theory of gravity was “unproven pseudoscience pushed by Christian bigots,” since it was proposed by Sir Isaac Newton. He managed to escape, but refused medical treatment, worsening his condition. However, he claimed he didn’t really “know for sure” that he was injured, since he had no philosophical or scientific basis to know anything for sure without God.

What finally did Hunter in was his refusal to get a series of vaccines recommended by his doctor. “Louis Pasteur was a Catholic who helped develop the concept of vaccination,” he told the confused medical professional. “No thanks, you can keep your backwards, outdated beliefs about God and science. I’m fine without those.”

When Hunter was bit by a raccoon later that afternoon, he hadn’t been vaccinated against rabies, and quickly succumbed to the disease.