Integration

Woman in the Middle| August 18, 2014

As we sort and sift though Mom-in-law and Brother Dear’s stuff, we are at a point that I think of as “integration.” We are now deciding what of theirs to integrate into our lives. We have done this twice before, once with my mother and once with my grandmother. I learned those two times that integration is a long drawn out process. Sigh.

I save the obvious stuff like photos and letters and baby books. But then it gets more complicated. Do I like that print that used to hang on their wall? Where do I store stuff that I think I might want to keep but am not sure yet? Were do we store paperwork such as tax returns that we probably won’t ever need but should be kept for a while?

After the family mementoes (photos, china, grandma’s cedar chest) I tend to keep things that are practical and useful, or at least has an obvious place where they can go. For example, when I was growing up we had two sets of stainless flatware. One we had until I was seven or so and the other we had until I was a teenager. My mom kept serving spoons from each, probably because she felt like she never had enough. I saved those serving spoons and I use them almost every day. Each time I grab one I am reminded of my mom, her kitchen, and the wonderful meals she made. Good memories, but practical, too. From my Dad, I have a book on how to pick winners at the horse track. My Dad enjoyed going to the race track on occasion and I remember him really studying the horses that were going to race the day he was going, trying to find the winners. I saved a biscuit cutter and a pretty blue plate of my grandmother’s. Of course, I have much more, but these were the little everyday items I saved.

So far, I have picked out three lamps from Mom in law’s house. Brother Dear didn’t have as much stuff that would bring back memories for me as he really just set up normal housekeeping about ten years before he passed away, when he got sober. But he loved Louis L’amour books. I am going to pick out one or two to save on my bookshelf.

What kinds of things have you saved when your family members passed away?

3 Responses to “Integration”

I had so much stuff from my mother that I kept for years before finally either donating it or tossing it. Some of it I felt was useful but I didn’t need it and I couldn’t find anybody who wanted it. I am trying to sift through my things and that’s hard too. I admire people who don’t accumulate anything. They can box their belongings in a few boxes. That is not me at all. Things I kept include her coffee cup and some of her cooking things. I just recently replaced her Tupperware flour keeper because it wasn’t getting clean anymore. It had to be 40 years old. Hard and tedious work.

Since I have never lost anyone who has been really close to me till my pop passed away in 2010 I have not have decide what to keep and have never had to go through a loved ones things but I know that one day I will indeed be in that position