Jennifer Lawrence won the first Golden Globe award of the evening, and it could’ve been all downhill from there. The newly minted best supporting actress winner, for “American Hustle,” gave a typically endearing acceptance speech – “I’m sorry I’m shaking so much. Don’t ever do this again!” she joked – and proved to be a typically difficult act to follow.

But the Globes soldiered on. It was a night of blasé speeches; the most memorable of them were rambling and borderline-incoherent. The best moment would come deep into the ceremony, when Emma Thompson presented the screenplay award barefoot, her pumps in one hand, and a martini in the other. (She would eventually pitch the pumps over her shoulder.) If we didn’t know better, we’d think she was drunk. But much more realistically, her presentation was calculated, an acting performance designed to counter the tut-tutting, uptight, cranky persona of her “Saving Mr. Banks” character P.L. Travers.

Awards-wise, “12 Years a Slave” won best drama, and “American Hustle” took best musical/comedy, and if you believe that gives the films momentum and makes them the two movies to beat in the Oscar race, I’m not going to stop you. I still believe “Gravity” is a serious contender. (Remember, Globe-giver-outters the Hollywood Foreign Press Association and the Academy are two completely different voting bodies.)
RELATED: A complete list of Golden Globe winners

Here are some notable high/lowlights from the relatively tight, three-hour program, hosted for the second year in a row by Tina Fey and Amy Poehler:

Best opening-dialogue line: “‘Gravity’ is a story about how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die rather than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” – Tina Fey

Runner-up opening-dialogue line: “Meryl Streep proves there are still great parts for Meryl Streeps over 60.” – Fey, again

Best speech, non-rambling: Cate Blanchett, accepting the acting/drama award for “Blue Jasmine,” was being played off by the music. “Can people at home hear this music? Or are we all of a sudden talking faster?”

Best speech, rambling: Tie – Matthew McConaughey and Diane Keaton. Mr. Mac, accepting the acting/drama award for “Dallas Buyers Club,” opened his speech with his trademark “Alright alright alright!” and meandered like the goof we all think he is, eventually revealing that his wife encourages him to chase good roles by telling him, “Go get it, McConaughey!” As for Keaton, she accepted the lifetime achievement award for Woody Allen, who never shows up to these things (can you blame him?). She sang a little bit to make it extra awkward, but seemed to channel Annie Hall herself in her halting rhythms and unassuming bits of endearing wisdom.

Worst speech, non-rambling: Jared Leto, accepting best supporting actor for “Dallas Buyers Club,” by some accounts, told the same acceptance-speech jokes he used at other ceremonies.

Worst speech, rambling: Jacqueline Bisset – best supporting actress/TV series, mini-series or movie, “Dancing on the Edge” – said she didn’t prepare anything because she never wins awards. This assertion was made obvious by the awkward pauses in her speech, which were so long and empty, even Friedrich Nietzsche would have shrunk away from them in horror.

Perfunctory TV obversation: As a film critic, I shan’t discuss the other visual medium, which is obviously inferior to film in every aspect, and therefore not within my realm of expertise. But huzzah for “Breaking Bad,” which won best drama and best actor for Bryan Cranston. It was a spectacular series, and featured many grand, cinematic qualities, the best reason for a TV show to win any awards. (Please read the previous three sentences with a very large grain of salt.)

Best bit that wasn’t the Emma Thompson-acting-sauced bit: Celeb couple Kyra Sedgwick and Kevin Bacon introduced their daughter, Sosie Bacon, as Miss Golden Globe. Fey then introduced Mr. Golden Globe as her “adult son from a previous relationship,” played by Poehler in a tux and a Justin Bieber haircut. The gag goosed a flagging, dull ceremony for a moment.
Funniest moment of the entire evening: Well, it didn’t occur during the Globes, actually. During a commercial break, a promo for “Muppets Most Wanted” featured fake tweets praising the upcoming movie, an obvious satire of the marketing campaign for holiday-season box-office dud “Grudge Match.” It deserved bigger laughs than Fey and Poehler.

Best surprise: Leonardo DiCaprio. He won best actor/musical or comedy for “The Wolf of Wall Street,” one of 2013’s more controversial films. Good for him – he never made us doubt his character, Jordan Belfort, was never a complete and utter creep, completely and utterly obliterated on Quaaludes. Leo gets less kudos for his award presentation, where he mispronounced the film title “Philomenia” – and with the real Philomena Lee in attendance.

John Serba is film critic and entertainment reporter for MLive and The Grand Rapids Press. Email him at jserba@mlive.com or follow him on Twitter or Facebook.