Friday, May 19, 2006

I've got nothing to say today. Nothing exciting or odd happened to me yesterday and I don't feel like telling stories.Isn't it funny how when you are a blogger you feel the need to tell people that instead of, well, just not writing? I think it comes from either guilt, or being proactive in curbing the "You didn't blog today-are you ok?" emails. ;) Which I always appreciate. Really.So, instead, do me a favor. Go here and browse around this cool ass site from a cool ass kid. Answer some questions, ogle at some hotties and share a chuckle or two with a friend. And by all means, visit often. I won't be jealous. Unless of course, you stop visiting me too...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

I had a yo-yo that lit up when it yoed. It was yellow and green and my mom hid it on the top shelf of her closet. We lived in New York then. I don't remember what they did wrong to warrant me getting a random present, or why I was allowed to see where she hid it, but I remember her standing on her tip toes, me laying on the bed with my head dangling dangerously over the edge, flopping an excited "thump-thump" that only my kindergarten aged feet could produce.Their room was on an angle, and in my brain I can only see it as a sea of blue-a tell tale sign that my mother decorated. I see the furniture placed against the walls; it's the same furniture they own today, the only difference is her blue changed to teal; her colors more bold.I think I broke the yo-yo almost immediately. Not on purpose-I wasn't that much of a brat. I think she gave it to me without explaining how to use it, and it ended up getting smashed against a wall or a floor-who knows-I just don't remember playing with it.I suppose it goes to show you that sometimes the anticipation of something good to come is sometimes better than the actual "treat". Are our expectations set so high that we set ourselves up for inevitable disappointment? Is it that we are so spoiled and selfish that we can't see what we HAVE instead of what we don't have? Perhaps if I'd just taken more time with the yo-yo I would have learned it's tricky ways instead of carelessly casting it aside, smashing it to bits before I had the chance to make it glow in all it's yo-yo splendor...Perhaps.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

The other night in the twilight of my feverish sleep, I thought about my Papa (grandfather). I think about him every now and then, when am familiar smell wafts past my nose, or when something I know he'd think was funny makes its way to me. But my memories are fuzzier, as though time took an eraser and blurred the edges or pushed them to the back my brain to make room for earlier memories.But last night they were clear.Papa had very strong hands. They are the same hands my uncles have, only more weathered. Their coloring was light and if you looked closely, you could see little white age spots. His thumbs curled back slightly-a characteristic both my mother and I have as well. And for some reason I remember his watch. Last night I could see his hands resting on the kitchen table, slumped over an iced tea while he was laughing at something we said.The smell of Aramis, Shower to Shower and Ivory soap-the trio I'll forever remember because of good night hugs and kisses before I retired to my make shift bed in their den. I always waited until after Papa took his nightly shower before I said goodnight.I wondered last night if he was scared when he knew he was going to die. Did he cry? Did he lean his head against the shower wall to hide his tears so my Nana could not see his fear? Or did they share tears together, uttering the false, "It'll be ok"'s until they fell asleep, him dreaming of heaven and her of hell.He died in March of '99 of lung cancer. And I never wondered if he was scared. Maybe because up until the day he died, he had a smile on his face. Maybe because I needed to remember him as someone who had no fear. Or, maybe, I just chose to remember the good things about him, and I blocked out the sickness.Whatever the reason was that my "dream" was so vivid last night, I know my Papa is with me-with us all-and that his spirit lives in all of his 6 children-in their laugh, their smiles, their eyes and even their hands. And in his 15 grandchildren (and even in his great-granddaughter), he lives in the stories we remember and re-tell, and in our silliness that will forever be our Papa.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

"I take the files out, but I don't put them away-I'll put it on your desk. I'm afraid I'll put it back in the wrong spot."That is what some guy told me at work today. Not just some guy-one of the managers I indirectly work for. Does he really expect me to believe him? I mean, he did, after all, know where to FIND the file in the first place. And so he can't very well expect me to believe that he's too stupid to know how to find it again.Why not just say-I know you file everyday, so I'll just add mine to your pile? Cause that's ok.Everyone warned me-even in the interview process-that this guy will be a pest. Today he stopped me from sorting the billions of backlogged Purchase Orders to ask me if I knew where the junk room was. Then he took me there and gave me an empty company folder and a canvas bag. THEN he walked me over to one of the copy machines and told me how to use it-even though we had nothing to copy.Weird.Most of the people are very nice. Actually, they all are so far. One old man in particular is my favorite. He's very funny and everyday he stops by my desk to see how I am doing. He jokes with everyone and he even bought me coffee on my first day. Their big thing is making flavored coffee in the afternoon. I didn't have the heart to tell him I don't care for flavored coffee, especially hazelnut, so I drank it anyway. He did, afterall, pay .25 cents for it!There's a talker-who talks about everything to anyone-a cynic, who I can't tell yet if she's actually really nice, or just professional-the mothering one, from Texas, who's just as sweet as pie! I am the youngest in the office by an average of about 20 years. The company is HUGE and my campus itself takes about 20 minutes to walk through-it's a maze-like set of buildings connected by walkways. There are younger people in the rest of the company-I see them during lunch in the cafe.Overall, I think I'm going to like it a lot. I feel very comfortable there already, and once I get someone to show me what the heck I'm supposed to do, I think I can excel and show them what I'm made of. My boss comes back from a trip tomorrow, so I'm sure he'll get the fire started and initiate some formal training for me.We'll see. In the meantime, I'm loving the fact that they are paying me more to have less responsibility as my old job!!! It almost seems not fair!

Hi everyone! Please remember that I most likely won't be able to respond to any of your comments until after work-still testing the waters and all!! I promise I will respond after school so, answer away!1. Would you rather have a ketchup dispensing belly button or a pencil sharpening nostril?

2. Would you punch your grandmother in the back of the neck for $16,500? If not, how much would it take?

3. Besides breathing, eating and going to the bathroom, what is one thing you can not go through a day without doing?

1. I'd go for the pencil shapening nostril because of the leakage factor. Can you imagine wearing white and seeing ketchup soak through? Nasty. And also-who'd eat ketchup from a belly button? It's not something you can share with people.

2. Apparently you haven't met my grandmother. Even if I explained to her that I'd get lots of money and that I wouldn't punch her hard, she'd never go for it. In fact, she'd spout off about how disrespectful I am and somehow tie in the fact that we treat my mom poorly and that we don't vaccum enough. So, no. I wouldn't merely b/c of the annoyance factor. No amount of money would get past that...

3. I'd like to say showering, but I can survive without that, though I'm always cranky when I don't shower in the morning, unless it's a lazy day in bed. I'd say that everday I have to laugh. If I have day without even a giggle, I find that I'm depressed and sad and it doesn't become me.

Monday, May 15, 2006

Work: Day 1(And for those of you wondering why I'm not at school-it's because I have 100 degree temperature-ick)Orientation: Only woman: Me. Most of the men: working in other parts of the country. 3 hours long. Work location: My desk: Cool. My co-workers: Wicked nice. My boss: Away until Wednesday, but he called me to say hello.Bonus: They have a cafeteria, and they have paid days where I can volunteer for Junior achievement and United Way. Also a walking trail around a lake.benefits: Company pays 4% of my salary into a retirement fund that I get after 5 years of service-I don't have to pay a thing.Down Side: If you want to wear jeans on Friday you have to pay $3/week. Also, if you want to drink from the water cooler, you must be part of a club. embarrassment of the day: Sweating because I had a fever.Did I mention they have a cafeteria?Overall: I think I'm gonna love it.Going to lay down now.

1 basement filled with water5 years I said goodbye to on Friday12 goodbye hugs1 bottle of champagne recieved1 cd gifted2 crazy pictures50 dollars I have to spend at the Chef Equipment Emporium1 Mexican fiesta dinner in the rain2 glasses of wine4 chapters read for culinary school8 dollars I spent on a new pair of black heals1 new pair of pants3 books bought1 grilled cheese with ham and tomato soup1 time I watched "The Princess Bride"1 time my feelings were hurt15 hours slept on Sunday1 cold/flu I tried to get rid of0 Mother's Day events I attended2 times I thought hard about something I'd rather not1 new job I got ready for1 bill paid5 times I wished I had 1 more day off