I think it is just about time for me to make a little come back. I have to admit that I have let myself down by not keeping up with this blog. I want to say that it is not my fault, but really… whose fault is it then?

Sometimes I blame the situation I am in, and my mental state or well being. Sometimes I blame the stress of life, or just things that came up in my way — stopping me from writing. Sometimes I just excuse myself from not writing merely because I didn’t have any muse. But of course, the biggest names in literary world don’t have muse everyday, do they? But they write.

Just like one of my friends posted in her facebook page once: “Writer writes”.

I mean, isn’t that obvious?

If you want to make writing as your profession, isn’t it just obvious that you have to do it professionally? And by being professional, it means you don’t just skip writing and go to ALDI, on the hours you actually allocate for writing, or playing Tsumtsum the whole day while hoping for the muse to come to find you. No…

Obviously, I have to start doing this properly.

As usual, Superbyq’s birthdays always renew my writing spirit, much more than new years. This year Superbyq is 7 years old. It is frustrating to admit that I haven’t gone as far as I wish I have. Of course I have developed since then, and that I have achieved few things in life. However, I feel that it is not enough…

So, yeah… Like every year before, I am hopeful about this year. Hopefully I could write more, write better, and of probably make something out of it.

Right… enough for now.

Thank you for keeping up with me. I will see you again very very soon…

It started after Mr. Fix-it’s holiday started few weeks ago, and we had so much time watching TV and doing virtually nothing. One of the show on the telly was this series “It was alright in…”. There were three of them — 1990, 1980, and 1970. Get it? So there were three episodes of them, each represents the decade, and what was acceptable in that decade which is no longer or slightly dubious nowadays.

Some celebrities, coming from different generations and age groups, were invited to make comments on what they saw on the screen — whether it was how news were presented, the comedy show, the unPC comments on talk shows, or even the (lack of) fashion sense. And, it was meant to be a light hearted, and was supposed to be in the comedy side.

I did found some of them quite funny, or even embarrassingly hilarious. The ones from 1980s and 1990s that is. But when we were watching the one from 1970, things got slightly disturbing — even for me.

Things have changed, haven’t they?

It wasn’t as far as the Elizabethan time, Victorian time, or even the world wars time. It was only forty years ago, and look how far we have moved on. How much we have changed, as a society. And even it does make me excited, enthusiastic, and hopeful, it does make me feel scared too.

It made me think of myself, in thirty to forty years from now, where would this blog be? Would my ideas, and ideology still be relevant? Would I be in the right side of history?

I would like to think that I am doing the right thing, but I am sure that there were so many people in the 70s thinking that they were one of the most forward thinking and open minded people too. And they were not. What if in decades from now I would be the bigoted one?

You know what?

I think I should start this year by apologise in advance. For me and for people in the future. If this blog is still around by then, and if the world has changed so much and this blog has become offensive, and no longer relevant to the current sociopolitical correctness then — I apologise.

This blog is not perfect, but today, in this time period, I am trying to do what is right according to our sociopolitical situation today. If there are any wrongdoing, offence, etc. it wouldn’t be intentional. It is just what is acceptable today.

We have different questions, different priorities, and different cultural movements compared to the world in the 1970s. I believe things would be different too in 2050s or 2080s.

So, apart from apology, I would also use this blog to reflect, review, and retrospect, or even retract. Things have changed, and it will keep changing, and the only way I could be relevant is by knowing the changes.

Another year has passed. Although I couldn’t say that 2016 was a good year for me and (probably) the rest of humanity, I am still glad we have gone through it — alive.

Well, I am not going to talk about the past today, because I think new year is the best time to talk about the future. And for the very near future, a.k.a year of 2017, this is my resolutions:

Since I managed to lose a bit of weight in 2016, why don’t I make it a promise to myself to be a better groomed person. I will take care of myself better — not necessarily full on make up everyday but.. hey, I am getting older. I don’t think it is a bad idea at all to take care of my physical appearance.

I will read more. I will keep the target of 20 books I didn’t get to achieve last year. That was silly of me, but I think reading books would help keeping my brain sharp. I will have to spare more time to read.

Blog entries? I will make it 200. I have at least two active blogs, and I managed to write 150+ blog posts this year, and… since blogging is the only way I could keep practising my writing skill, I should think of raising my game a bit. 200 blog entries in a year? I think that’s not too ambitious, is it?

My German is getting better, and I was okay in trying to practise it everyday. BUT, it seems like I couldn’t be discipline when I am trying to learn other languages. Right now, I have Welsh, French, Hungarian, and Spanish on my list. I have to make up my mind and choose one instead of learning a little bit of everything. Let’s see how I can improve my language skill this year.

Expanding my social circle. I find this the most difficult thing to do. My husband does have friends who are nice, and we get along alright… but unfortunately we have a complete different interests — in hobbies, political opinion, socio-cultural interests, etc. And, I can’t spend too much time with mums because somehow they would start talking about their kids, and it is sooo difficult to pretend that I care.

There… Wish me luck, and I wish you the best with your resolutions — if you do have one, and wish you a wonderful year ahead — even if you don’t have any. I will see you soon, and hopefully more regularly this time.

To be honest… 2016 was probably not the best year you want to remember, wasn’t it? I mean… really…

Just when you think that the death of Lemmy in the end of last year was the end of the count, you heard about David Bowie, and Alan Rickman within a week. And, when in the end of the month I told Mr. Fix-it that Terry Wogan was gone as well, he asked me to stop updating him with these distressing news.

But really… the big names were not the only ones going. The humanitarian issues from Syrian refugees, to the Rohingyas in Myanmar. The bombings both in the Middle East, and in Europe, and the terrorist attacks like those in Nice and in Berlin were just few of the examples. One that was much much closer to heart was the death of Jo Cox, obviously… The Labour MP who was murdered by someone who was and is still not worth mentioned or remembered. No… seriously, that ‘someone’ is so pathetic, that I refuse to mention his name in this blog — and after all that guy has already found guilty and I am glad with the decision.

When we mentioned Jo Cox, we would also remember Brexit, and when we talk about Brexit we also remember the 2016 US Presidential Election. Both were shocking for some people, and surprising for the others. I can mention some people who are still not able to move on from both events.

Oh yes…

2016 hasn’t finished with us really…

Both in the UK and in Indonesia, the rise of bigotry and intolerance increased with the rate I have never seen before. Seems like one side is fuelling the other with hatred… Same hatred, different side of the fence. It is getting both tiring and worrying, but not as worrying as MY own problem– my visa extension application.

It was done in the end, but… it was quite traumatic (if you want to know about the details, I would talk specifically about it later — but not now, because we are not talking about it now…), but gee… It is not as traumatic as finding a dead cat in our host’s house when we were visiting in laws in Wales for Christmas (yes… I know…).

So… there you go, 2016. It is almost the end of the year, and I do really hope that all those would make a good excuse for not posting for the last month. YES!!

All these effort to write an elaborate post just to excuse myself for slacking from writing. Apologies. I will try to do better next year…

Well… it is been here for a while, but I was too busy enjoying it, and forgot that I have this responsibility to write. Write. Yes. I do feel a little bit (or a lot) embarrassed that I haven’t been able to write properly lately.

Writer’s write.

If I want to be a writer one day, I should stop doing other thing and start writing again.

As a token of a good faith, here I am today, writing again. Only a bit of an update though, not quite like what I usually do. But I suppose it would be enough to break down the writer’s block. So, bear with me 🙂

Since Rae posted about her exercise and weight loss routine on her blog some times ago, I have been thinking about it. I am 30 this year, and I wouldn’t be 30 for long. Not much has changed in my life and I know I would have to start making some changes. So Rae and I have been in contact to talk about this weight loss thing about a month ago.

She sent me an example of what should be done. And it does seem like a torture.

But this is the difference between Rae and I, that I noticed when we were talking about this weight loss plan. Rae seems to be an active person, she likes what she is doing and inspired and challenged by this thing. I don’t. If I do it the way she does it, I know I will stop before I start, so I decided I have to do it differently than what she does.

I don’t dedicate exercise time. I tried to be more active, walking more, and actually quite enjoyed what I did in the city. Cleaned the house more than usual, and even do some gardening. It does take energy and I found myself feel better doing it.

And, I don’t believe in clean eating. I like the idea of it, and I love eating fresh fruits and vegetables. But, to be honest with you, I don’t think clean eating is sustainable. I don’t believe in depriving myself from KFC hot wings, or big gulp of ice cold Carling, while munching potato crisps. What I did instead is start logging and counting the calories intake. I do invest in a digital scale for this.

Almost a month now, and I have lost 2 kg just for doing this. It also means I have lost a total of 5 kg since I have stopped taking contraception pills. I have a good feeling about this. Who knows by the end of this year I would be able to shed another 8 kgs.

If it is a human child — a girl, definitely. Superbyq is a girl. If this blog is a little girl, she would probably doing her homework as she has to go to school tomorrow. Or not? Tomorrow is Sunday, isn’t it?

Anyway. If it is a little girl, she would be in primary school. Probably second year already. Anyway… it makes me wonder how old it is the minimum age for a child to be sent to school in the UK. I think it is 5 year old is the age when a child is sent to Primary School.

6 years.

Really.

This is definitely the longest serious commitment I have ever made in my life. It is personal, and I have invested so much — material and immaterial.

I know that I should have dedicated more time for this blog, and I do feel bad that I haven’t. But I don’t want to feel bad today, as this is Superbyq’s birthday, and… we’re going to have something to drink tonight…

My blog is my happy place. Not all the time, but I find that writing makes me happy. So, I was so flattered when my sister told me that one of her best friends — let’s call her B, is — after all these years, still following my blog. I don’t know how she did it, but I am so happy that at least I know I have ONE loyal supporter out there. It does make writing worthwhile, you know? Knowing that someone out there actually read what you are writing.

It makes me feel a little bit cheesed off at the same time, knowing that my sister couldn’t be bothered to read it lol. But well, that’s okay. More room for me to talk about them without having to think of what they are going to think about me. Yay!

Anyway, if B, my sister’s best friend is reading this, I would like to use this opportunity to say hi to you. I haven’t seen you in years. How are you now? I hope you are well… My sister said that you are now working in an online industry. Wow I am soooo jealous. I thought you are going to start your own little online craft shop? When you set it up, please let me know so that I could write about it more 😀

And yes, you are right to be upset with her for not keeping in contact with you. Tell her off some more! She deserves it. No. Seriously.

Anyway, thank you for keeping up with this blog. When I visit Jakarta, let’s have dinner together, shall we? Of course I can totally understand if you don’t want to. I don’t want to come across as stalker or anything. Haha… well.. I shall finish writing now, but I wish you a nice day. And take care 🙂

For the last few entries, I have written (what some people called) heavy subjects. I was thinking of writing something light and cheerful to lift the mood a little. This blog can’t be always gloomy, does it? Does it?

But then a call home and everything changed. I was no longer in the mood because of the news I had heard from home. I’ve been holding this for awhile, and there are not many people in the world I could talk to (especially about this particular matter). Therefore, I decided to write a letter instead.

To My Sister

I’ve been known to write open letters for my siblings. One for my brother when he reached adulthood, another for your (other) sister when she got married. I think it is about time that I write something for you. Unfortunately, this time it is not the joyful moment that brought me to the moment I am writing this to you.

Since we were very young, it’s been drilled in our head that we have to stand up for each other. We are pretty much brainwashed in a way. And, until today I am still doing that for every single one of my siblings. I stood up for every one of you, and will do it again and again. And again. The same way you stood up for your sister when we were in Primary School. Although in the end you cried after that boy clawed your face, you did stand up for her.

You don’t know how proud I was when I heard that from my friend — that my sister who just graduated from kindergarten could confront an older boy and fight him to the bitter end.

But how do you stand up for your loved one, when you know that they’re in the wrong? How do you support someone when you are bitterly disappointed with the decision they took? This… Is something that I’d have to work out.

I remember you and your sister must have endured the same thing when I was dating Si Onyed. I am sorry to put you in such a situation. But haven’t you learned from my mistakes? You are the smartest of us all… don’t you see it now what you saw before? Don’t you remember what you told Si Onyed when she confronted you about why you didn’t like her?

This is what you said: “I don’t have problem with you. But if you upset my mother, or any other people in my family, then I don’t want to have anything to do with you.”

Don’t you think it is safe to say that I might have the same feeling about your boyfriend? That I don’t have any problem with him, as a person. Because he might be a generous, kind hearted, smart and humorous. But don’t you see that what both of you (means he included) did was hurting Mum? My mum. Our mum.

Couldn’t you see it from our point of view that… well well.. If this little request from our parents was refused outright before you two are married, how could we expect him to help our parents when big things happened after you’re married? It is normal to think like that, isn’t it? It is normal to assume, and project what is going to happen in the future, based on what we see today, isn’t it?

I can’t talk to you about this now. But as this has stressed me out for the last few weeks, I feel the need to vent out my feeling here. You might not read this — well… you are most likely not going to read this, but maybe one day it will come to your phone or computer for you to see. But until then… please take care of yourself. I love you.