Learning About Love, One Mistake At A Time!

As you know, last week I attended the Cosmo Blog Awards. As a blogger it’s actually quite rare to meet up with other people who do the same thing. Blogging is by its nature quite an individual pastime, so it was great to touch base with bloggers from all different areas. One of the first people I met was the lovely Julia from Brides Up North, and in the course of our conversation she mentioned her blogging voice. In particular, she felt that when she writes her blog, she adopts a very different voice to the one she would use elsewhere.

When she asked if I found the same thing, it got me thinking.

To some degree, I’m very careful with what I write on here. As I’ve said time and time again, unless someone is particularly rude (to either me or someone else) I won’t be rude about people on the blog. Also because I’m putting opinions out into the public sphere, with my name attached, I’m quite careful in what I decide to share and don’t. And yet beyond that, I’ve always tried to approach this blog as if I were talking to a friend. And as such, write 30 Dates the same way as I talk.

In answer to Julia’s question, no, I don’t think I adopt a special persona when I’m blogging … but for the most part, I do write this blog with the most sensible side of my personality. It’s the advice I know my Mum would probably have given me before the date, rather than the stuff I realise after!

The reason 30 Dates was able to continue well beyond the original 30 blind dates, is because of all the lessons I’ve come to learn along the way. And the more dates I go on, and the more singletons I meet, the more I come to learn about dating and the dating industry.

With each lesson comes a difference of perspective – the ability to take a step back and appreciate the mistakes I’ve made along the way.

And hindsight is a very powerful thing.

I’ve always been of the opinion that everything happens for a reason, and that applies going backwards, just as much as it does going forwards.

It’s funny when you look back at your teenage years. Perhaps because I was orphaned at the end of my teens, I do this more than most. When I reflect on conversations with my parents, the ones which stand out are the advice they gave me in my teens. Advice, which like every teenager, I mostly ignored. Advice, which as an adult, I suddenly start to understand, and wish I’d listened to earlier!

The funny thing is, lessons only have a real impact when you witness them first hand. Once bitten, twice shy. As a small child I was told over and over about the danger of fire, and that probably only inflamed my curiosity. I put my finger directly into a flame, and never did so again! For years after that I was scared of matches and sparklers!

Then there was the time I begged my parents to let me cut my long hair, in favour of a fashionable pixie cut. Nothing they said could dissuade me! It was only when I emerged, with a mushroom-shaped bowl-cut, which took me years to grow back out, that I realised they only had my best interests at heart!

The older we get, the more complicated and subtle the lessons. But we still continue to learn them best first hand.

And when it comes to dating, unfortunately that can be really painful.

When love goes wrong, or is misdirected, it bloody hurts. And it takes an awfully long time to get over. But the key part of the process, is to actually use the experience, learn the lesson, and not repeat the mistake.

We never get dating right first time. Sometimes other people are willing to overlook the mistakes we make, because they are so impressed by everything else. Others are less forgiving. But the reality of dating is that it’s a numbers game. If you don’t believe me, fire up Tinder! And so if something doesn’t go right first time, learn from the mistake, and don’t repeat the error.

There’s an incredible expression – which buys into that idea of things happening for a reason, and the acceptance that things don’t always go how you expect them to …

One day you’ll meet someone, who’ll make you realise why it never worked out with anyone else.

And do you know what? One day we will all meet someone, who will make us realise why it never worked out with anyone else! Promise 😉