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Friday, October 28, 2011

28 October 2011

Front and centre: This story just keeps getting better. Rob Ford (the celebrated coach of the Don Bosco Eagles) has denied a CBC report claiming he called 911 dispatchers "bitches" and said “Don’t you fucking know? I’m Rob fucking Ford, the mayor of this city!” What he doesn't deny is that he was scared shitless to find Gemini Award-winning actress Mary Walsh in his driveway dressed up as her outrageous comedy character Marg Delahunty. (Note: I've seen this character, and it scared my pants off.)

We all know that 911 is for emergencies. It's meant to save people from dying. This means that Rob Ford called 911 because he felt that his very life (and the life of his invisible daughter) was threatened by Gemini Award-winning actress Mary Walsh, who was standing in his driveway dressed up as her outrageous comedy character Marg Delahunty. So, here's the important question no one is asking in all of this: is Mary Walsh capable of murdering a father and his daughter in broad daylight?

Now, I don't know the woman personally, so I can't speak to that (though my gut says "yes"). All I know is that I share Rob Ford's Walsh phobia. Would I call 911 if I found Mary Walsh on my property? God, yes. What you're forgetting is that I'm the kind of guy who calls 911 when Mary Walsh appears on my TV screen, or pops into my imagination unbidden. And this is because I associate the sight of Mary Walsh with the thought of my own death.

So, while I'm no fan of mayor Rob Ford, I can understand how petrified he was to find himself face to face with Gemini Award-winning actress Mary Walsh, who was standing in his driveway dressed up as her outrageous comedy character Marg Delahunty.

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The Toronto Sun is the city of Toronto's most reactionary/hilarious newspaper, with a broad readership that includes everyone from old men who wear track pants and fish in the Don River to young women with Support Our Troops tramp stamps.