Welcome! My guest today is Katherine Woodward Thomas, who is the author of the national bestseller Calling in the One: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, and Conscious Uncoupling (in stores 9/22/2015). She is also a licensed psychotherapist and a highly acclaimed transformative educator who has worked with thousands of people around issues of love and relationship.

Katherine also created the online Conscious Uncoupling course to help people deal with relationship breakups and I have personally experienced this program and its benefits. It was my work and personal transformation with this course that led me to Katherine and inviting her to be a guest on Relationship Alive.

While as always it can be challenging to summarize everything here in our show guide, here are some of the salient points from our conversation:

We are responsible for our own lives. How you do (or don’t) take responsibility for your life is THE determining factor in your ability to have an amazing relationship.

We often have unconscious barriers in place that can keep us from becoming magnetic to the right person, or from having an amazing relationship even if you are lucky enough to find yourself with a great partner.

We are on the cutting edge of what’s possible in relationships. Prior generations didn’t have to solve the same problems that we did, and they had completely different expectations of what it meant to be in a committed relationship with a partner.

We all carry around wounds from our childhood – and those wounds can impact us in the present, triggering emotions or preventing us from fully stepping into the moment. Where in your life are those wounds having an impact on you? Can you stop accepting that impact as inevitable – or as somehow tied to your partner – and instead take it on as something within YOU that can be addressed and healed?

That inner growth allows us to self-validate and become comfortable in our own skin, regardless of the past.

Are you focused in your relationship on controlling so as to avoid your fears? Or are you focused on creating and expanding into a positive vision for what is possible for you, and for your relationship with your partner?

We sometimes sabotage ourselves because we think the highest and best love relationship seems outside of our identity. Is your identity of who you are in relationship congruent with what you actually want your relationship to be?

There is a difference in how our “younger” and “older” selves function in relationships. You can learn to attend to the younger part of yourself as an adult – so that the adult is running the show. Katherine reveals a simple process for how to do this in the episode.

All of this work allows you to truly be a present adult in your relationship.

Are you able to provide support for yourself? We can’t expect support from our partner that we aren’t willing to give ourselves.

Not coming from your adult self is also a surefire way to ultimately kill the passion/desire in your relationship. Expecting your partner to parent you will erode the sensual energy. However, when you and your partner can be fully present with each other, that’s when the true sparks (the ones that last) can truly fly.

Relationships are active and alive and have to be created again and again. Are you choosing your relationship every day?

The “source fracture wound” is the original break in your heart and what you made it mean about yourself when it happened.

Responding to our partner from that wounded place brings toxicity to the relationship.

Katherine explains how to get in touch with that source fracture so that it can be healed in the light of day.

Again, willingness to be self-responsible is the key to having a great, lasting relationship.

We will probably be having Katherine on the show again soon, as she has so much more to offer! Until then, please check out the links and resources below!

Podcast Reviews

Amazing relationship help!

August 6, 2018 by Neos lawn care from United States

I’ve been listening to this podcast for over a year now. Neil stays current and offers some of the best guests and topics I’ve come across. Very helpful and applies to what I’ve been looking for! Thanks Neil 💗 you’ve helped my relationship in many ways!

It’s been a worthwhile journey

July 31, 2018 by Scarfgirl from United States

I subscribed to this podcast while I was trying to fix my broken marriage, but only really started listening during my divorce. So I haven’t been in a romantic relationship for most of the time that I have listened to this podcast, but it’s been a real pleasure to be exposed to so many researchers and authors I would not have otherwise found and their knowledge as well.
This podcast has improved my relationship with myself, my kids, my family and my friends. It has also kept me aware of what is possible in a *good*/amazing/fully committed relationship during what could be a time of contraction and despair. I always learn something here, and I really relish the opportunity to bring this learning into *so* many different areas of my life, perhaps most of all my relationship to myself.
I feel like I’m a walking testament to the power of this podcast and the transferable skills and knowledge Neil and Chloe bring to light. I don’t know if I will ever be in a romantic relationship again, but if I am, I feel very confident that I will bring more capacity for joy, presence, good communication, possibility and growth than I did at other times in my life; I have Neil to thank, in part, for that. So thanks Neil & keep it coming - I am listening!

The Best Podcast on Relationships

July 24, 2018 by Elizak1 from United States

This podcast was one of the first podcasts I began listening to and it's the reason I'm now a podcast addict! Some podcasts you listen to for a couple weeks or a month and than it gets old - this is not one of those podcasts! This podcast is fresh and new and ALIVE every time. Neil goes deeper than most podcasters are willing to go and, as a result, this podcast will take you deeper than you could imagine. Neil is one of the best interviewers I've ever listened to. This podcast transformed my life and my relationship. Thank you Neil!