25 January 2011 10:16 AM

Mark Cueto is doing his best impression of Popeye. Emerging fresh from a pre-lunch work-out, the tattoo on his forearm bulges like he has just downed a tin of spinach. Luckily for me, the weights room has taken the sting out of his handshake.

The lunch we are about to eat is five courses, inspired by each of the nations England face over the next eight weeks and served in match order. The sponsors are seemingly implying Cueto is the English dish and the blushing waitress seems to agree. Or, at least, her cheeks seem to.

Cueto is markedly English; softly spoken and polite. He is so polite he refrains from talking with his mouth full, not an ideal set of circumstances for a lunchtime interview.

The next problem is he refuses to discuss any course served after the Welsh rarebit starter. Not that I was interested in the sophistication of his palette, but I did want to know how he felt about playing France at home and Ireland away during the Six Nations. And that imminent World Cup in New Zealand.

'There's no point talking about it,' he says, politely but firmly and, of course, between mouthfuls. 'There's no point playing the game of your life against Wales and then slipping up next week on the potential banana skin that is Italy. And there's no point worrying about the World Cup. Obviously it's very close in the grand scheme of things but our immediate future is Wales. You look after the here and now and the future falls into place.'

He is beginning to sound like John Cleese in that episode of Fawlty Towers: Whatever you do, don't mention the World Cup. 'I will put my house on the fact now that during the course of the six weeks we're together for the Six Nations the World Cup will not get mentioned.' He's remarkably sincere with the point.

During the course of lunch, a couple of bits of news break. Delon Armitage is charged for swearing and shoving an RFU tester, playground-style, while Matt Stevens is grabbed by 'random' testers following his first training session with Saracens after his two-year ban.

Cueto has had his own drug drama in the early hours of the morning, missing the first test of his career because he forgot to inform the RFU he was taking the 7.40am train to London for this lunch. He called his club and country managers instantly and prevented any major drama. The missed test becomes a very minor blip on an otherwise unblemished record and his England team-mates could learn a thing or two.

So could the other two members of England's back three, Ben Foden and Chris Ashton, who made their starting debuts less than a year ago but have since become the poster boys of English rugby. The trio are fast becoming something of a Holy Trinity, with Cueto the unsung hero — statistically the best attacker in the world this Autumn yet hogging none of the headlines.

For the record, Cueto believes he could have scored that try of the century if Australia wing Drew Mitchell had caught up with Ashton at Twickenham. Cueto was bounding off his wing and screaming for the ball, but as it turned out his team-mate didn't need him.

'In terms of form and ability, Foden and Ashton are up there with Jason Robinson and Josh Lewsey,' he says. 'Ashy's one of those guys, you meet him once you know what you're getting. People seem to think in the professional era, if you put together a decent team you can stick anyone on the wing. It's not true and the good thing about this side is we've got a great blend of young guys who are performing exceptionally well and old guys who are playing with so much experience.'

His gushing enthusiasm for the current England team is immediately followed by a timeless caveat. 'Form tends to go out the window for the Six Nations. Regardless of how teams have fared in the autumn, the Six Nations just seems to bring out a different mentality in sides. Teams just raise their game, particularly against England. Everybody hates the English don't they?

'You're always facing different challenges with different teams. The aim of the autumn was to move away from that one win in Sydney and not be a team that was always talking about one win. Now we've got to stop everyone talking about that one win at Twickenham in November. We've got to keep getting results like that.'

One thing that will help with that ambition is familiarity. For once, the Sale captain is looking forward to jetting off to the Algarve for some Winter sun and last-minute training with friends rather than strangers. 'Compared to previous years, it's going to be great to meet up with familiar faces. There's been years gone by where you've been in camp in the autumn with 30 players and you go into the Six Nations with a totally different 30 and it's like you've got to start again. Whereas the continuity we have now, we're not starting again every time we meet up. We can hit the ground running.'

I'm left with the theme tune of Cheers echoing in my head. The England squad, 'where everybody knows your name'. At least it's a start.

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10 January 2011 11:40 AM

Last week, John ‘Balls of’ Steele was fairly ruthless in his assessment of the RFU’s structure, the role of many of his employees and the necessity of streamlining the entire operation. The most high-profile of his targets was the director of elite rugby. Rob Andrew to you and me.

Steele has decided to scrap his job and suggests Andrew re-apply for the role of operations director instead. It was presented with much fanfare, 102 miles from Twickenham stadium, and received by one and all has an enormous kick in the mouthguard for Andrew; a relegation from the Barclays Premier League to mid-table mediocrity in the Blue Square Premier South.

This is grossly unfair. Yes, they took away the England elite team from Andrew, the icing on the cake for the RFU (and the manner of the delivery shoved the cherry on that icing somewhere decidedly painful for the former England fly-half too) but it’s all been a bit smoke and mirrors.

I met Andrew in his office at HQ before the Autumn Tests and, although distracted by one of the biggest chocolate cookies I’ve ever seen, he was very clear about his role and revealed just how misunderstood his job was. The England team, he insisted, was merely ‘the shop window’ for everything he did. His remit lay far beyond the elite squad. He was responsible for a rugby department employing 150 people, with a turnover of £30million a year and I was genuinely smacked by his passion for the next Under 20 match as much as the impending Autumn Tests.

In fact, in his four-year tenure in the role, the elite team is just about the only side that hasn’t exactly excelled. The England junior sides are performing outstandingly, the sevens side is conquering the world and the women’s side has grabbed the country’s imagination like never before (aided, obviously, by a home World Cup).

Andrew’s greatest achievement is his role as diplomat between the RFU and Premier Rugby who were at loggerheads until he stepped in. Now there is a clear and structured agreement between the two bodies, players know when and why they can and cannot play, clubs are clear as to what financial compensations will be available to them at what times. Such contracts didn’t exist before Rob Andrew.

Steele’s biggest beef seems to be the swelling nature of the entire operation, what he deems as excess, and he wants to slim down the RFU. It is January after all and even rugby’s ruling body needs to go on a diet. But it is unfair to blame the excess on Andrew, who took over when the RFU was (and remains) in rude financial health. Why should he look to slimline when the coffers are so full?

Andrew was doing a lot of very good work under the surface, even if the ‘shop window’ was collecting a little dust. The RFU have acted because the elite team weren’t performing at the consistent level that is now expected in the years after Sir Clive. But in the next five or ten years, when England reap the rewards for the work Andrew has diligently put in at the school boy and junior levels, I hope he’s there in some capacity to take some of the credit.