Work of Art Episode 5

Work of Art y’all! I have a lot of reactions to this show, so I’ll just post them here, in chronological order as it happens. I, like most of the rest of the art world, find this show mostly appalling, and the artists mostly stupid, but it is sort of fascinating, like a big train wreck.

Gaaaaaaaaaah if Simon woke me up I’d cry too, Nicole. I also like that Miles thinks that Simon is doing an impression of Simon.

Also, Jamie Lynn is 24? She looks old. Do I look that old? I’m 25. I hope I don’t look that old.

Erik has a girlfriend? How have we not heard of this poor girl before?

Someone just said “oi vey.” Who said “oi vey”? I LOVE CHINA’S GIANT BANGLE zomg.

Jaclyn looks old too, and she is 25, like me, please tell me I do not look that old. Dislike.

I hate Ryan.

A match made in Urban Outfitter’s heaven.

Whoooaaaaa Jaclyn just said “panopticon” and it is clear that Abdi has NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT. Embarrassing.

Abdi why are you wearing an aviator helmet?

Getting a little tired of Miles’ OCD thing, but am sort of excited to see Miles + Nicole = ❤

Erik thinks Miles is completely manipulative. I’m not really inclined to disagree.

Ungh, Audis do not make you feel light or suspended, though I really think that the pretty crumpled resin paper is quite lovely.

Hahaha, Perregrin said pornography and naked ladies, I’m five.

Jamie Lynn you are inside take that hat off. And your dancing car thing is amateur-ish and stupid.

Everyone loves it when Simon talks about sex, don’t lie.

Ha, Jamie Lynn just put debutantes and dinosaurs together in the same sentence.

I actually find myself not disliking Jaclyn, or her work. I do dislike her giant obviously fake boobs, however.

Ryan always has a slight smell of alcohol on him; not surprising.

Warp speed whaaaat? WHY WASN’T RYAN ELIMINATED TWENTY EPISODES AGO?!

Yes, Mark, at least you know that you are totally ripping on Mondrian.

Ah, Miles, thank you for doing interesting things, maybe, we’ll see.

It is okay Jaclyn, I take way more than fifteen minutes to get ready too. I like Nicole but she probably needs to brush her hair.

Peregrineadasf is mean “Oh it is a map” no it is hotel art.

I hate to shower. I have to blow-dry my hair. I mean, Jaclyn, I do all that too. And Nicole, it isn’t hard. Some girls like to brush their hair and wear makeup, it doesn’t make us difficult to live with, it just makes us look better put together (Nicole, no offense, you are pretty, but brush your hair). Except Jaclyn looks like a botoxed fake-boobed hot mess I cannot lie.

Erik just gave evidence of his total art ignorance by calling Miles’ art garbage. He has no idea. His work looks like a piece by an angsty emo goth boy mooning over some lost lady type.

Not a fan of Jeanne, just have to get that out. I love Jerry Saltz, just have to get that otu as well.

Oof, Jerry, reading a lot into Erik’s piece aren’t we?

Aw, Perregrin’s is sort of fun, I like it.

Jerry Saltz: “Keep it simple, stupid.”

Jamie Lynn your piece is so stupid and juvenile I just can’t handle it.

Yep, sorry Mark, HOTEL ART.

PAINTURBATION. OMFG. NEW PHRASE.

Ryan you had no ideas whatsoever, it is just dreadful, China you don’t get what Ryan has to say because he had no idea what he was actually saying awful.

I hate to say this, but I think Jacyln’s work is actually pretty decent. This makes me nervous.

Jamie Lynn’s piece would have been far more interesting if she’d referenced say, traditional Buddhist or Hindu art or circular art forms from ancient cultures, and maybe made all the little “hers” versions of little goddesses, little sexy goddesses. Oh Jamie Lynn, what a failure.

Miles, you can be my comfort guy any day of the week.

Jerry loves Miles. I love Miles. I also love Jerry. These are all positive facts.

Hahaha, Jeanne, I agree with you, Jamie Lynn is truly a seventeen-year old girl.

I have a vision of a narcoleptic Jerry Saltz, passing out on the floor of a gallery. That, that would truly be a work of art.

Jeanne, I agree with you again, Ryan is such a fake hipster douchebag.

Saying that Jaclyn succeeded in “negating the male gaze” is a pretty intense statement. Not sure I’d go that far, but what can you do.

CHINA. Your generalizations just destroy me. I want to break you like, like a china doll. Burrrrrrn.

Ungh, Ryan is such a poseur douchebag with no talent. At least Jamie Lynn maybe had a smidgen of potential. WHY IS RYAN STILL HERE.

ZOMG, is the next episode about installation art? I am excited, but it will probably be boring and disappointing.