Fort Bragg Wins This Week’s Internets

A Fort Bragg soldier and his wife are accused of engaging in sex acts with dogs and then posting video of the encounters on the Internet.

Don’t fret about the critters. It appears everyone is safe and sound.

Raeford officers seized two mixed-breed dogs and three cats from the couple’s home and placed them in the care of a local shelter.

Just a couple of things:

1. Why is it necessary to note that the two dogs are “mixed-breed?” Would it be an aggravating factor if they were purebred?

2. Are the cats relevant to the charges? Actually, I’d rather not know.

From the tone of the news report, it appears that the criminal aspects of this case will be handled by civilian authorities, armed with laws such as “crimes against nature.” Though, I expect this soldier’s command will seek a less-than-honorable discharge, at a minimum.

With that said, I have no desire to provide further updates to this story.

I may be biased. When I read the local news and saw this, my thoughts went immediately to a real victim – his sergeant. I could almost hear the phone call:

“Sergeant, I got arrested. I can’t make it to PT unless I raise bail.”

“What happened?”

“My wife and I got arrested.”

“For….?”

“Um, making porn.”

“They don’t usually arrest you just for making porn. What was it, in public? Please tell me there were no kids involved.”

“No, no kids! Of course not!”

“So…”

“My wife really loves her dog….”

Somehow, I doubt that any work got done in that specialist’s unit. They were all much too busy trying to find the video online. I wouldn’t be surprised if this incident resulted in more lost work hours than the heightened security measures after the shooting.

I’d advise him to just go ahead and separate. While he may (or may not) be a PT stud, an expert shot, and able to leap tall buildings, every board is going to look at his arrest and consider the possible headline “Army Promotes Dog Molester.”

Just wait until Friday’s safety briefing. That’s a subject we haven’t needed to cover before:

“Don’t fuck your dog. If you do fuck your dog, don’t film it. If you do film it, don’t put it online.”

Great point. This will be a running joke in that unit until…..well….ever. It doesn’t help that their mugshots will be on the internet for the same amount of time.

Even after more than a decade, one of my friends always asks “Remember that sergeant in your platoon who was pimping-out his girlfriend, who was married to a guy in Korea?” That story still makes him laugh.

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