How to deal with Insecurity

by Calvin Gray - Last updated May 11, 2017

Throughout the course of a relationship it is normal to feel some degree of insecurity. As with any other aspect of your life, you may feel that you are vulnerable, or don’t quite measure up in some way. Although a common problem, insecurity can have a deep impact upon your relationship, and can sometimes create a void between you and your partner. However, it is possible to deal with your insecurities in a healthy way and move beyond them.

The Vicious Cycle of Insecurity

Some individuals use the insecurities of their partners to take an upper hand in the relationship and manipulate their behavior. However, mature relationships should be based on mutual respect, and this sort of behavior is disrespectful to say the least. You can tackle this problem by working on making your partner feel valued and appreciated.

However, if you are on the receiving end of this situation and your partner is making you feel insecure, confront him or her about it and discuss how putting an end to this behavior would be beneficial to your relationship.

Many people who feel that they have to make their partner insecure actually feel insecure about aspects of their own lives. The only way to overcome this is to address your insecurities by bringing them out into the open. You can’t be part of a loving and accepting relationship if you do not love and accept yourself, and this includes being honest about your feelings.

Insecure feelings within a relationship often arise when one partner has doubts about the others level of commitment, and looks for constant reassurance. In cases like this it is important to remind yourself that your partner would not be with you if they didn’t love and appreciate you.

Those with partners who need to have others constantly reaffirming their feelings for them quickly grow tired of being part of such a needy, unhealthy relationship. If you have any doubts, be sure to talk them over with your partner instead of making assumptions about his or her feelings, as it is quite easy to jump to inappropriate conclusions.

Open the Lines of Communication

Insecurities can be thought of as the silent killers of relationships. When they stay hidden below the surface and are never truly dealt with is when they have the most power. When you come to terms with your insecurities and openly share your feelings you greatly diminish their power over you. As with any other aspect of a happy, healthy relationship, communication is the key here.

When we look closely at our insecurities we can see how silly most of them are. They are often remnants of thoughts we developed about ourselves as children thoughts that failed to develop as we did. Even though we consciously know we are not the same insecure 12-year-old kid we used to be, the insecurities linger in our subconscious and can wreak havoc on our lives.

Getting Help

If you are not ready to discuss your insecurities with your partner, it may be wise to speak to a therapist. This will provide a safe environment where you can share your true feelings without fear of being judged or ridiculed. How you do it is up to you, but addressing your insecurities is a must if you want to get beyond them and enjoy more fulfilling relationships.