"The human brain is like a TV set. When it goes blank, it's time to turn off the sound." Pat Elphinstone

I know that "going blank" feeling. ￼

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The Shoplifter...

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store.

"Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either.What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?"

The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip.

The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend.Can you show me something less expensive?"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.

Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a dept. store and asks -"W-w-w-where`s the m-m-m-men`s dep-p-p-partment?"

The salesman then reaches into his briefcase and pulls out 2 brownies and begins munching away on one of them. He tells the irate guy -"Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

Unwrapping the brownie, the guy takes a bite; suddenly, the guys spits it out and says:"HEY," he snarled, "this brownie tastes like it's full of onions!!!"

John was a clerk in a small drugstore but he was not much of a salesman. He could never find the item the customer wanted.

Bob, the owner, had about enough and warned John that the next sale he missed would be his last.

Just then a man came in coughing and he ask John for their best cough syrup. Try as he might John could not find the cough syrup. Remembering Bob's warning he sold the man a box of Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once.

The customer did as John said and then walked outside and leaned against a lamp post.

Bob had seen the whole thing and came over to ask John what had transpired.

"He wanted something for his cough but I couldn't find the cough syrup. I substituted Ex-Lax and told him to take it all at once" John explained.

"Ex-Lax won't cure a cough!" Bob shouted angrily.

"Sure it will" John said, pointing at the man leaning on the lamp post."Just look at him. He's afraid to cough!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man who isn't qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, "Yah, I know. That's my way of getting rid of that pest!"

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

"Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.But tell me, what in the world happened to you?"

"Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it... said it fit him great.As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Good morning everyboomie. ￼

My name is Joe and I sell jokes and coffee. ￼

Actually the jokes are free, cause I figure if people see you laughing while drinking my coffee, they'll wanna know what I put in it, and I'll sell more coffee. ￼

You see if I don't sell enough coffee then I'll have to sell something else...............like my sister.

I REALLY hope the coffee sells though cause I just don't think I'll get much for sis.

She's not much to look at, she can't do much, and she's not that smart.

I'm kidding.

No I'm not.

Yes I am.....

No I'm not.....

Ok this could go on and on, if I wasn't out of my smiley allotment so....

Good morning everyone. Midge, Hugs on the way. Sorta, . Ana, the boys are stil in Pennsylvania. Not sure what's on the agenda yet. Hubby is still sleeping. To all here and all who follow, have a Wonderful Thursday.

Started the day out with a trip to Wally World. Had to get some stuff to make lasagna for Susie and Vince to take with them on Sunday. They are meeting her Aunt Dianne and sister Kristi. Since those two are Alabama fans and Vince is a fan of Notre Dame, they are all meeting in Memphis and watch the game there. Sounds like they will have some fun. We will take care of Winston and Chloe. We will have some fun too trying to keep Winston from flipping his lip up at Cory. Then Cory nails him.

Sorta. Hope you have a great day.

Midgie, hugs, hugs and more hugs.

Need to go figure out what to fix for dinner tonight.

Stay warm everyone.

Bets

_________________________
Corgis fill your life with Joy, your heart with Love, and your soul with Sunshine.

Finally some action at the dreaded Apartments! I was getting so bored. While I was out shopping, the firetruck and ambulance arrived and thank goodness our 'Oxford Street Lady's Detective Agency' only honorary male member (my tenant/friend) was out front and saw it all.

They went to the side that houses a 2 bedroom apartment in which all the males live (those that were in a huge fight a weeks back for missing money) and packed up and took away the well dressed Drug seller guy who I'd seen earlier today looking just fine. He was sitting up talking on his cell phone (I think it's permanently implanted in his ear). Dunno what his deal was, but off he went in the ambulance. Will do a little digging later to see if anyone knows what happened. Haven't seen his roomie (the guy who beat him up) since the big fight. Maybe he came back.

L4L, I lost track of days with hubby being home. Next week should be easier to keep track.

SpaceQ, stay warm!

Nan, I did get the dogs out this afternoon. I took a header walking in the field when my foot got caught on something I couldn't see. I'll probably have some bruises in the morning. I am glad you can go back to the fish fry tomorrow.

Sorta, so my wish for your birthday came true. Finally some fun stuff in the hood!

Thanks for that wish Ana. AND to add to that, a few minutes ago, the fire trucks and ambulance headed South on the two main streets that I fall between AND right after those whizzed by, I saw the 'companion' of the drunk lady drive out of the driveway like the proverbial bat out of you know where. Only when I looked, it wasn't HIM it was HER driving drunk, or high or both, with NO license and no insurance. Ohhhhhh! She was back in less than 3 minutes, so I'm thinking she thought it was her boy toy that might have been injured (he camps out at a nearby bar and staggers home drunk on occasion). Guess it wasn't since she was back so soon and wasn't even enough time to stop into her favorite corner liquor store. Gotta watch out for her driving now. She knows she isn't supposed to be doing that.