Revelations In The New ESPN Book

Those Guys Have All The Fun, a history of ESPN published last month, gives readers a behind-the-scenes look at the sports network that began on a landfill in Bristol, CT and soon became a broadcasting giant. Here are some of the book’s more shocking disclosures:

None of the sexual harassment or sex-in-office stories were true, as all the anchors are basically impotent children who wouldn't know how to have sex if they tried

Everyone interviewed pretty sure that the “N” in ESPN stands for "Network"

A majority of everyone’s workday at ESPN is spent trying to find things for Kenny Mayne to do

The idea for Around The Horn came from producers wanting to marry sports journalism with what it would feel like to run headfirst into a metal spike over and over again

Everyone in the book, at one point or another, mentions that Outside The Lines host Bob Ley has never maintained an erection for more than 45 seconds

Channel can sometimes be biased in certain ways

They reminisce about all these funny pranks they pulled, like having the secretary blow guys in the bathroom to fuel her coke habit

Dan Patrick’s given name is David Patrick

Because they all know that sports is not actually the most important thing in the world, ESPN is not run for profit and all its employees are actually volunteers