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Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass."Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch

Woman [to Charlie about Jake]: You guys are really great together.Charlie: Thanks.Woman: Your wife must be proud.Charlie: Oh, no, I'm not married.Woman: Too bad.Charlie: Wow, you're even better than a dog