Posts

The Search for Buried Pleasure

What’s wrong with our standard map of female genital anatomy? Unfortunately, what’s missing from the picture is most of the equipment responsible for pleasure, arousal and orgasm. The clitoris is just the tip of the volcano!

Women have a set of interconnected but separate erectile structures that I call the Female Erectile Network (“FEN”). It’s comprised of multiple parts that are functionally and structurally connected. They are the three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge.

While it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail about each of the female erectile structures, I do want to point out a few salient bits of information about the erectile network. Erectile tissue is penises are mostly made of. It’s what gives them the ability to go from small and soft to big and hard.

Here’s the key point: Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men. It’s just arranged differently. The female genitals contain just as much of this expandable, engorgable, highly pleasurable tissue as male genitals do. Just as much!

Some of these pleasure parts are well known while others are almost unheard of (even by scientists, medical practitioners and sexologists).

To start with the familiar, the FEN includes the super-sensitive ‘jewel in the crown’—the head of the clitoris. (That’s what most people are referring to when they say ‘clitoris.’) It’s a unique and remarkable structure and merits lots of attention. The clitoral head is the main and usually easiest orgasmic trigger for most women. It is not, however, the only path to female sexual pleasure. Just for starters, the clitoris itself also includes two other parts: the shaft (under the hood) and the three to four inch-long paired legs. And they are all composed of—that’s right—erectile tissue!

But that’s not all! In addition to the clitoral structures, the FEN includes the paired vestibular bulbs that bracket the vaginal opening, plus two additional structures—the urethral and perineal sponges.

The Vestibular Bulbs

These two substantial wads of erectile tissue are positioned on either side of the vaginal opening. Shaped like an upside-down comma, they’re thin at the top where they connect to the shaft of the clitoris. At the bottom each bulb is, well, bulbous. When engorged they swell, like all erectile tissue does. At that point, they cause the labia to bulge out and in and create intensely pleasurable sensations when stimulated, including when anything is moving into and out of the vagina. They can be stimulated by broadly pressing the whole vulva and labia and by ‘rubbing through the skin’, that is, using moderate to deep pressure to stroke the structure under the skin. When stimulated, they puff up considerably. The bulbs are are one of the important keys to increased female pleasure!

The Urethral Sponge

Another component of the Female Erectile Network is the structure known as the urethral sponge (a/k/a the female prostate). Comprised of erectile and glandular tissue, it’s a cylinder of erectile tissue that surrounds the tube of the urethra— like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s analogous to the male prostate.

The urethral sponge can be stimulated through the roof of the vagina and by pleasuring the area surrounding the urethral opening. But it is not a magic orgasm button. Most women will not enjoy having it stimulated until after they’ve reached mid-to high level arousal.

Here’s a little-known fact lots of people miss—the underside of the tubular sponge is what in common (and incorrect) parlance is known as the g-spot. I prefer not to use that term. It is not a spot—it’s the bottom of the tube of the urethral sponge. So while I can truthfully say that the ‘g-spot’ as an anatomical structure doesn’t exist, the erectile tissue known as the urethral sponge most assuredly does. Got it? There is no g-spot, but there is a urethral sponge—an engorgeable (and potentially pleasurable) erectile tissue tube that lies just above the roof of the vagina.

The Perineal Sponge

The perineal sponge rests under the vaginal floor, in the wall between the vaginal and anal canals. It can be accessed via either passageway (or both!) It is also composed of engorgeable erectile tissue.

Connected Circuits

Each of the network’s structures is composed of erotically responsive erectile tissue. With proper stimulation, each can become engorged. When the whole female erectile network is engorged, it creates two overlapping, interlocking connected circuits of sweetly swollen erectile structures. While women can become aroused and orgasmic with only some of the network activated, for maximum pleasure get the whole network engorged. When all of the separate structures are engaged, the erectile network becomes like a snug and stretchy cuff of delightfully responsive equipment. Getting one component stimulated and engorged is good. Getting the whole network puffed up and pleasured is way better!

More Pleasure, Please!

When the whole network is activated, women are more likely to reach orgasm by a variety of forms of stimulation. All orgasms are good. None are superior–there aren’t any ways of getting to orgasm that are better or worse. For most women, direct stimulation to the clitoral head is required to get there. Woman can, however learn to expand their paths to orgasm, expand their orgasms and widen their orgasmic spectrum.

One way that many women would like to get orgasmic is with intercourse or penetration. Despite our cultural misconceptions, this is not the easiest way to get off (or help your partner get to the big O)! Learning to have orgasms from penetration is a learnable skill. One key to making intercourse highly pleasurable and much more likely to be orgasmic (for the woman) is to make sure that the whole circuit of erectile tissue is fully engorged prior to penetration. Other keys include making sure that the woman is in deep, high-level arousal prior to penetration; using our additional inner ‘sexcraft tools’ (such as breathing, sound, movement, awareness and imagination, to name just a few) to increase stimulation; having one or more orgasms prior to intercourse; and, during intercourse, using more pelvis-connected movements such as rocking or grinding rather than a penis thrusting in-and-out motion. These type of movements will stimulate the whole erectile network better then the old in-and-out.

However you use your erectile equipment (or pleasure a female partner’s parts), take the time to play with the whole erectile network. A full-on ‘herection’ is a beautiful, elegant and very rewarding pleasure matrix.

Do you like the idea of getting empowering, entertaining, erotic education for adults ONLINE? If so, we invite you to check out our Intimate Arts Online live and recorded online classes and courses. Discover a convenient, private and enlightening way to have more pleasure and expand your erotic universe. You’ll be glad you did!

If you want to learn more about women’s astounding, engorgable and delightful erotic equipment, there are multiple ways to do so.

Get More Women’s Anatomy of Arousal!

Given how much interest there’s been in the topic historically, you’d expect people to know all there is to know about female sexuality and female genital anatomy. Well, they don’t. The vast majority of people know amazingly little about women’s sexual parts—and this is true for owners of the equipment as well as people who like to play there.

WINNER, 2010 BOOK OF THE YEAR AWARD! (From The American Assoc of Sex Educators, Counselors & Therapists) Find out why Dr. Christiane Northrup has called Women’s Anatomy of Arousal “the most comprehensive, user-friendly, practical and uplifting book on women’s sexuality I’ve ever read. It’s the gold standard!”

The Love Song of Shakti and Shiva

In the beginning was the One. The One was all and everything, and for eons it reveled in being One, millennia of magnificent unitary bliss. Over the course of unimaginable time, however, the One grew bored. (Even the Divine gets bored with itself eventually.)

So the One split into two. One part was Shakti — she of energy, flow, and movement. The other was Shiva — he of consciousness, presence, and purpose.

As soon as the one became two, they gazed upon each other, fell madly in love, and wanted nothing more than to re-unite. They clasped each other passionately and explored all the ways two could merge into one. They entered each other and dissolved the boundaries between them. For millennia they made love, exquisite erotic love. At long last they again achieved oneness as they exploded in mutual simultaneous orgasm. In that moment, the entire universe was born. All life sprang into being and is springing still. It was the original big bang!

Cosmic Connection

The story of Shakti and Shiva is an origin story about the universe, and a story about each and every one of us. Like them, we long for connection, are magnetized by attraction, and drawn by the desire to merge into oneness. Like them, passion is what connects us to all life, and desire is our path to divine union.

Sex — The Essential Life Force

The saga of Shakti and Shiva reminds us that ecstasy is our birthright and the source of all existence. It also tells us that sex is more than our individual desires, erotic experiences, intimate connections, and sexual behavior. It is the deepest expression of the power of creation. The mating drive is one of the most powerful forces in our world: it has to be or we wouldn’t be here, gloriously alive amid the wondrous diversity and complexity of existence. Asexual reproduction was a great starter plan for Earth, but it takes the desire to mate and mingle genes to birth the unimaginable and wondrous biodiversity of our world. That’s the foundational energy of sex: Sex is the most basic urge to merge.

Your Luscious Life Force

Your individual sexuality is your small piece of that primal power — the vital, pulsing life force. Your sexuality connects to that cosmic energy: they are one and the same thing, only on the micro and macro levels.

How you relate to that immense power has a pervasive impact on your life. You can repress your sexuality. (Or try to, it can’t be stopped) You can go “repression light” and downplay it. Or, you can take the other road and … celebrate it! Your sexuality can take you on a sacred ecstatic path that unites you profoundly to all life throughout time.

At the end of the day, the choice is yours. You can learn to fully and consciously open the inner portal to your sexual life force, and in so doing gain access to divine bliss and link to your uninhibited wild power. That exquisite connection to the cosmos —the erotic cosmos — resides inside you, right there in your sexy center. The choice is yours!

As a middle-aged, plus-sized, average woman married 25 years who had never experienced a climax, to stumble upon this book has been an incredible blessing, to say the least. After reading it aloud to my husband on our road trip to the beach, we found freedom, healing, and other pleasures unknown to me before including (my first as well as) several orgasms. My husband also mentioned several times how helpful, detailed, and encouraging the book was for him.
We are both so encouraged!

Most women don’t have orgasms with intercourse — and that’s OK — AND, you can learn how to make it happen (if you want to).

Want to know more about women and orgasm? You can! Orgasmic capacity is a learnable skill! It’s something you can practice and get better at, whatever your current level. Take our recorded online course, The Fine Art of Female Orgasm (4 recorded virtual classes, special homeplay assignments, extra resources) and discover how you can go (and come) beyond your wildest dreams! For women and anyone who partners with women.

Three Tips to Experience and Expand Female Orgasm

Orgasm is a learnable skill that every woman can acquire—and then expand upon.

Gervex – Woman Tossed by a Wave

Orgasm School?

Not having rip-roaring orgasms when you’d like to? Or at all? Don’t despair! Orgasm is a learnable skill —and every woman can become proficient at getting there. And if you already have your basic orgasm abilities down pat, you can use the same tools to expand your climax-ability.

Orgasm Challenges

Although sex is both natural and learned, for women, learning our path to orgasm is not always easy or natural. Just consider these statistics. Ten percent of women have never had one (yet!), while over half of women don’t have orgasms from intercourse, despite what you see in the wacky, unreal worlds of porn and romantic movies. Many if not most women are what I call “orgasm challenged”—sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t, and it’s a mystery why that is (or isn’t). So what’s a girl to do if she longs for delicious climaxes to her solo or partnered erotic experiences?

Relax–You Are NORMAL!

For starters, relax. There’s nothing wrong with you—these are simply skills you haven’t learned yet. That’s right: sexual abilities are learned, just like playing the piano, speaking French or any other complex set of skills. You can learn how to improve your orgasmic capacity if you want to. It will probably take some time, and you’ll definitely have to practice, but sooner or later you can be exclaiming, “Oui, oui, oui!” or “Whee, whee, whee!” Ultimately, the choice is yours.

Female Orgasm Basics 101

Unfortunately, in this world of ours it’s a lot easier to find someone to teach you French than it is to find a good orgasm class. Don’t despair! I’ll get you started right now on the basic class: Female Orgasm 101.

1. Slow Down and Take Your Time!

Since the average time spent in foreplay for couple sex is less than 10 minutes, we have one root cause of orgasmic issues right here. For most women full, deep and complete arousal can take up to 45 minutes. That’s right, 45 minutes! That amount of time is quite shocking to most people. When I present this info in a class there’s usually a moment of shocked silence. Then all the women give a big sigh of relief and suddenly light up with the understanding of why things may not work so well or how they’ve been engaging in erotic activities that they aren’t ready for—like intercourse. Our cultural models of arousal and orgasm are male-oriented, based on common patterns of men’s sexual responses. The male arousal pattern is of quick hot genitally-focused energy, leading to rapid erection. By contrast, for most women, most of the time, our erotic energy starts cool and diffuse and takes time to heat up and coalesce in our genitals. What’s the rush? Do you have something better to do than taking your time to get totally and utterly turned on?

Now, it is true that we women can learn how to enhance our arousal process and speed that curve up. In fact, everything I suggest below about learning to develop your own erotic mastery can help women get going faster. And everyone, both, men and women, can benefit from slowing down and taking enough time for both partners to get deeply and fully aroused.

2. Breathe

Breath is basic. You don’t have to remember any complicated esoteric formulas or worry if you’re doing it wrong. You certainly won’t forget to do it at all. Breath happens—and, if you want your orgasms to happen and then to expand, all you need to do is enhance whatever your breath is already doing by itself. Just do a little more. Breathe a little faster, draw it in a little deeper, let it out a bit longer, or open your chest and belly more. Enhance your breathing and you’ll augment your arousal. Don’t hold your breath or let anxiety tighten it up. Breathe into your pleasure, breathe into your body, keep it moving and you can breathe yourself right into a nice juicy orgasm. Keep breathing into it and your climax will be bigger and better.

3. Focus On Yourself

Yes, in this case it really is all about you. In order to get turned on, you need to connect to your own experience and feel your own pleasure. You can’t become a master musician only by playing duets. In order to become adept at playing your own instrument, you need to spend time doing solo practice. Yes: I did just tell you to go play with yourself. Solo sex is where you can pay attention to yourself without the distraction of another person’s needs, desires, expectations and demands. When focusing on your self-pleasure, you can discover what works for you and explore new pathways. Repeating behavior and action is how you learn. Like driving a car or playing a musical instrument, you need to practice to get good at any learned skills, including (and perhaps especially) sex. Then, just like playing the piano, when you get the learning practiced, automatic and embodied, you can let go of thinking and just let the music flow out of you.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t play with partners when appropriate and available. Go ahead — have fun with your playmates! However, if you want the most pleasure possible and the easiest access to your orgasms, you must also cultivate your own abilities, by yourself.

So: Is There or Is There Not A G-Spot?

Are they right or wrong? In one way, they are right — there is no actual structure called the G-spot.

In another way, they are quite wrong, as there is a structure in that area that is responsive to stimulation (the right kind, at the right time, in the right way for that particular woman at that time). But it is not a round, dime-sized spot as defined by Dr. Grafenburg for whom it is named. Nor is it a part of the vagina. What people are wondering about, talking about and searching for is the bottom part of the urethral sponge.

The what?

Women have a structure known as the urethral sponge (aka the female prostate) that’s comprised of erectile and glandular tissue. It’s a tube that surrounds the tube of the urethra – like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s above the vagina and it’s analogous to the male prostate.
The urethral sponge can be stimulated through the roof of the vagina and by pleasuring the area surrounding the urethral opening. But it is not a magic orgasm button. Most women will not enjoy having it stimulated until after they’ve reached mid-to high level arousal.

It’s Part of A Juicy Whole

The urethral sponge is part of the Erectile Network, a complex of structures that also includes all three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, and the perineal sponge. For an overview of this wonderful conglomerate of erectile structures, read Be Vulva Wise. For more details about the different structures, take a look at this post: The Missing Female Pleasure Parts. For more information on what’s been misunderstood and neglected, here’s another post: Lost Sexy Bits. (It includes a quickie home play assignment.)

Women can become aroused and orgasmic by stimulating any of these structures (and in many other non-genital ways as well) but in general, the best arousal and orgasms happen when all of these structures are thoroughly stimulated.

The Inner Upper Sponge

The urethral sponge is not a magic hot button that you can just push for an automatic orgasm. However, when a woman is already at high level arousal and the outer parts of her erectile network are pleasingly puffed, stimulation of the urethral sponge can be extraordinarily and intensely pleasurable! Since it’s made of highly innervated erectile tissue, it’s pleasurable presence becomes quite obvious as it swells. Once you experience it, you’ll never again doubt whether it’s really there!

Vaginal Vs. Clitoral Orgasm

It’s one hundred and ten years since Freud stirred up controversy with his theory that vaginal orgasms were the ‘mature’ way to come and that immature clitoral orgasms were for little girls and adolescents. It’s hard to believe that we’re still talking about it now—and that we’re still in a very muddled dispute. But we are.

In today’s blog, I’ll focus on the vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm argument. The media frenzy is almost orgasmic (although not in a good way) as outlets variously applaud and decry the Puppos’ conclusion that “vaginal orgasm does not exist.” Unsurprisingly, women who don’t experience orgasm from intercourse seem to be on board with these scientists, while women who do experience orgasms from intercourse are shaking their heads and mocking the distance between science and real life (and real bedrooms).

Lizzie Crocker is in the no-vaginal orgasm camp. In her Daily Beast article, The Truth About Female Orgasm, she writes, “Thanks to the two Puppos and their clarifying study, women can finally stop … differentiating between types of orgasms that don’t exist. So … stop taunting us with claims of your intense, superior vaginal orgasms. It doesn’t exist and it never happened.”

I do understand where’s she’s coming from. From her words and tone, I conclude that she’s one of the women who don’t have orgasms from intercourse. I’m sorry if she feels ‘taunted’ by those who do. No one should suffer from orgasmic one-upmanship.

So, for Lizzie (presumably) and all the other women who feel orgasmically shamed, let me hasten to reassure them and impart a few important pieces of information that are missing from these heated discussions.

Let me start by making an important distinction. Most of the participants in this debate are equating ‘vaginal orgasm’ with an orgasm that results from penis-in-vagina intercourse without any added clitoral stimulation. These are not the same thing!

The Vaginal Vs. Clitoral Issue

To elaborate: Let’s start with the vaginal vs clitoral issue. The terms ‘clitoral orgasm’ and ‘vaginal orgasm’ are really only referring to where the woman feels the orgasm most intensely. Most people can experience orgasms that have different focal points. While most orgasms are genitally focused, it’s also possible to have ones that feel focused elsewhere, such as ‘heart-gasms’ or orgasms that are so expanded that they feel like the whole body is coming. Even within the genital region, orgasms can feel more centered in one part or another, accounting for orgasms that feel more clitoral, vaginal, uterine or anal (or in men, penile, prostate or anally-focused). The Puppos seem to think that “the few women who report ‘vaginal orgasms’” are deluded by the sexologists and the media. As if women don’t know their own bodies well enough to feel where their orgasm feels centered! If you are in tune with your own body, you’ll be able to distinguish which parts of you are pulsing and palpitating. There is a wide (and normal) range of embodied orgasmic experiences.

Why do we tend to feel orgasms in different areas of the genitals? In part, this has to do with which of the major sexual nerve pathways get more stimulated. More stimulation of the external structures tends to create orgasms that feel more clitoral. More internal stimulation tends to lead to a more internal (i.e., vaginal, uterine or anal) orgasmic experience. Stimulate all the nerve pathways and you get ‘blended’ orgasms that tend to feel especially intense.

Now to address the separate but related issue about the various types of stimulation that can induce women to have orgasms. The Puppos basically say is impossible for women to achieve orgasms through penis-in-vagina intercourse without any additional direct clitoral stimulation. They say, “In all women, orgasm is always possible if … during vaginal/anal intercourse the clitoris is simply stimulated with a finger.” Rebecca Adams, writing “The G-Spot And ‘Vaginal Orgasm’ Are Myths, According To New Clinical Review” in The Huffington Post, seems to agree, quoting the Puppos: “Every woman has the capacity to orgasm if her clitoris is stimulated.”

There’s nothing wrong with clitorally-stimulated orgasms. If that’s the only kind of orgasms you have, you’re not broken nor are your orgasms ‘immature.’ Any way that you come from any type of stimulation is just fine and dandy! If you aren’t orgasmic in response to penetration, you’re not alone—over half of women don’t have orgasms with intercourse or without direct clitoral stimulation. It’s totally common and completely normal.

The most important thing I’d like everyone to know is that women can learn to become orgasmic from a wide variety of stimuli (including with intercourse). Got it? People can learn to become aroused and have all kinds of orgasms from many different types of actions and activities.

While direct genital stimulation is usually an important component of sexual arousal, people can get turned on and orgasmic from stimulation of other body parts or without any direct physical stimulation at all. Extra-genital arousal and orgasms are most likely to happen when sensitive erogenous zones are pleasured such as your nipple, the back of your neck or your mouth (kissing!)

The Puppos state, “Orgasms with a finger in the vagina are possible in all women, but the partner must also move the hand in a circle to stimulate all the female erectile organs.” This would certainly create a limited repertoire for attaining orgasms! In fact, we now have documentation via the MRI studies of hands-off female orgasm done by Komisaruk, Whipple, et al at their lab at Rutgers University that some women are capable of having orgasms by ‘thinking off’ with no clitoral, vaginal or genital stimulation whatsoever.

One thing the Puppos do have right is that women have a number of erectile structures. Unfortunately, they don’t acknowledge them all nor do they seem to understand how they work together. Understanding these erectile structures is one of the keys to increasing the incidence, intensity and frequency of female orgasm. It’s great for the vulva owners to know this, and their partners too.

The Female Erectile Network: A Revolutionary Map of Buried Pleasure

As I noted in So Is there Or Is There Not A G-Spot?, women have what I call the Female Erectile Network, or FEN*. It’s a set of separate but interconnected structures made of erectile tissue—the very same tissue that enables penises to go from small and soft to big and hard. Women have just as much erectile tissue as men, it’s just arranged differently. Some of these pleasure parts are well known while others are almost unheard of (even by scientists, medical practitioners and sexologists).

Starting with the familiar, the FEN includes the super-sensitive ‘jewel in the crown’ —the head of the clitoris. (That’s what most people are referring to when they say ‘clitoris.’) It’s a unique and remarkable structure and merits lots of attention. The clitoral head is the main and usually easiest orgasmic trigger for most women. It is not, however, the only path to female sexual pleasure. The female erectile network also includes the two other parts of the clitoris: the shaft (under the hood) and the 3-4 inch-long paired legs. In addition to the clitoral structures, the FEN includes the paired vestibular bulbs that bracket the vaginal opening, plus two additional structures—the urethral and perineal sponges. The urethral sponge is a cylinder of erectile tissue that surrounds the tube of the urethra. The perineal sponge rests under the vaginal floor, in the wall between the vaginal and anal canals. All of these structures are composed of engorgeable erectile tissue.

One key to making intercourse highly pleasurable and much more likely to be orgasmic for the woman is to make sure that the whole circuit of erectile tissue is fully engorged prior to penetration. Other keys include making sure that the woman is in deep, high-level arousal prior to penetration; using our additional inner ‘sexcraft tools’ (such as breathing, sound, movement, awareness and imagination, to name just a few†) to increase stimulation; having one or more orgasms prior to intercourse; and, during intercourse, using more pelvis-connected movements such as rocking or grinding rather than a penis thrusting in-and-out motion.

Orgasmic Learning: The Real Sex Ed

For women, orgasm skills are learnable. Some women haven’t yet learned how to have any kind of orgasm. There’s nothing wrong with you if that’s your situation—there are just skills you haven’t learned yet. Step one is discovering your easiest path to orgasm, which usually involves self-pleasuring and clitoral stimulation. Once women develop orgasmic proficiency, they can go on to learn orgasmic mastery, where you develop many paths through arousal, expand the ways you can get off and discover the wide realm of orgasmic possibilities.

Most women who have penis-in-vagina intercourse-only orgasms have learned how to get there. For those women who haven’t had penis-penetration-induced climaxes, you can develop the skills that will allow you that experience.

If you want to. You don’t have to. It’s an orgasmic option.

There is no right way to have orgasms. There is no better way. Nor is there a Freudian ‘mature’ way to come. But there are different orgasmic experiences. Clitorally or vaginally-stimulated ones, anally stimulated ones, orgasms in your dreams, hands-on ones, hands-off orgasms, whole-body ones. Orgasms from humping a pillow, from penetration of your vagina, your anus, your mouth or your mind. It’s all learnable! You can learn to expand your orgasmic range.

Celebrate All Orgasms

Please don’t let any reporters, scientists, partners (or anyone, for that matter!) tell you that your experiences aren’t real, that you’re not normal, or that the way you get off is wrong. If people with paraplegia can learn to have orgasms by having their mouth or fingers stimulated (and they can and have), then let’s stop limiting and shaming anyone’s experience and learn to celebrate orgasms in any way, shape or body part that helps us have them.

Having great sex is a learning journey. One part of that journey is learning to have orgasms. And, if you choose, learning how to use your many parts and multiple skills to have stupendous ones.

Part One. So Is there Or Is There Not A G-Spot?

Due to the depth and complexity of information in both the original article and the media interpretation of it, I’ll be posting a series of blogs addressing various aspects of the female anatomy and orgasm debate and discussion.

Confusion Still Reigns

Is there a g-spot? A recent scientific article says no. Media outlets have hopped on that article and are promoting the idea that there’s nothing to play with inside a vagina. I say that while there is no structure that be accurately named the g-spot, there are indeed some delicious, erectile structures that can be accessed from inside the vagina to the great delight of the vagina owners.

Sad to say, we continue to have confusion and dissent among ‘experts’ as well as translation problems as press takes information from scientific journal articles and interprets (and often misstates it) for the general public.

After reading both the scientific article that started the furor and various media reports that paraphrase, misunderstand and twist the data, I’m ready to weigh in with my own sexpert opinions based on my education and clinical experience as a former certified nurse-midwife and gynecology practitioner, plus my current experience as a sexuality teacher and author.

The Anatomy of Sex

Let’s begin with the science—Anatomy of Sex: Revision of the New Anatomical Terms Used for the Clitoris and the Female Orgasm, by sexologists Vincenzo Puppo and Giulla Puppo, published in the forthcoming issue of Clinical Anatomy. (And, by the way, media folk, this is a literature review, not a study.)

One aspect of their basic argument is that sexologists, scientists and health care providers should use anatomically correct terminology. I agree insofar as terms such as G-spot and internal/inner clitoris are inaccurate and best not used. I disagree with the scientists, however, about what terms we should be using instead, what’s actually there, and how it operates.

The Female Erectile Network

As I point out in my book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure, women have what I call the Female Erectile Network: a set of interconnected but separate erectile structures made up of the three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the urethral sponge and the perineal sponge. They are connected both functionally and structurally. While the Puppos’ article discusses the three parts of the clitoris and the vestibular bulbs, they neglect to consider the more internal erectile structures: the urethral and perineal sponges. These are important components of the female erectile network. While the Puppos are proposing “female penis” for the descriptor of this collection of erectile structures, I strongly believe Female Erectile Network is more useful and descriptive and far less confusing then naming a female body part after a male one.

While it’s beyond the scope of this article to go into detail about each of the female erectile structures, I do want to point out a few salient bits of information about the network. Pound for pound and inch for inch, women have just as much erectile tissue as men do. Each of the network’s structures is composed of erotically responsive erectile tissue, and with proper stimulation, each can become engorged. While women can become aroused and orgasmic with only some of the network activated, for maximum pleasure, get the whole network engorged. When all of the separate structures are engorged, the erectile network becomes like a snug and stretchy cuff of delightfully responsive equipment. Getting one component stimulated and engorged is good. Getting the whole network puffed up and pleasured is way better!

Let me go into a bit more detail about the urethral sponge (so named in the ground-breaking 1981 book, New View of A Women’s Body). It’s also known as the female prostate, since embryologically it’s formed from the same tissue that becomes the prostate gland in males. It’s composed of spongy erectile tissue that forms a cylindrical tube that surrounds the tube of the urethra. It’s rather like a roll of paper towels, with the urethra being like the cardboard tube, while the erectile tissue is like the paper towels. When unaroused, it’s as if you’re near the end of the roll. With proper and pleasurable stimulation, the sponge swells and becomes more like a brand new jumbo roll. The Puppos refer to the urethral sponge as the “corpus spongiosum of the female urethra,” but neglect to connect that to the ongoing controversy about whether or not there’s a g-spot.

Here’s a little-known fact lots of people miss—the underside of the tubular sponge is what in common (and incorrect) parlance is known as the g-spot. I prefer not to use that term. It is not a spot—it’s the bottom of the tube of the urethral sponge. So while I can truthfully say that the ‘g-spot’ as an anatomical structure doesn’t exist, the erectile tissue known as the urethral sponge most assuredly does. Got it? There is no g-spot, but there is a urethral sponge—an engorgeable (and potentially pleasurable) erectile tissue tube that lies just above the roof of the vagina. The Puppos are correct that the g-spot is not a part of the vagina. The urethral sponge is not a part of the vagina itself, as it lies right above the ‘roof’ (anterior wall) of the vagina. However, it can be stimulated is through the vaginal roof, so from the lay point of view it is ‘inside’ the vagina since it can be accessed that way.

And the media? Here’s an example of its hyperbolic and inaccurate response (these from Lizzie Crocker in “The Truth About Female Orgasms: Look to the Clitoris, Not the Vagina” in The Daily Beast): “A new study claims the G-spot is nothing more than a ‘scientific fraud,’” and “Thanks to the two Puppos and their clarifying study, women can finally stop digging around for their G-spots.”

WRONG! Women have erectile tissue that can be stimulated intra-vaginally, it’s just not a g-spot. It’s the bottom of the urethral sponge and I do recommend that women (and their lovers) discover it.

Who Wins The Battle of the Sexperts?

Can’t figure out which ‘sexpert’ is right? How about if you all check it out for yourselves? You can become your own expert and solve the question for yourself!

Let me invite you to do a bit of homework. (This is a shortened version of the suggested guided tour of The Succulent Sponge exploration from my book. If you own the aforementioned equipment, you can do this exploration solo. (It’s written from the female perspective.) If you don’t have female equipment of your own, you’ll need a lab partner for this experiment.

Guided Tour of the Succulent Sponge

Begin in an unaroused state. Put one or two of your fingers inside your vagina, turn the pads of your fingers up, curl them and reach up, exploring the roof.

Remember as you go on your guided tour that this is erectile tissue that you’re feeling, so during stage one of your exploration, that is, in a completely unaroused state, it won’t feel like anything in particular. Since the urethral sponge surrounds the urethra, when you push against the non-puffed tissue, you’ll really be rubbing almost directly on your urethra( pee tube). It will probably make you feel like you need to pee. For most women, this is not an erotic sensation.

Play with yourself (or get help from a partner) and get moderately aroused.

Now, feel it again. Notice the differences in size and sensation. It probably won’t feel irritating anymore, but it may not feel great, either.

Return to sexual pleasuring and get to high level arousal.

Feel inside again. When your urethral sponge is really big and puffed, you’ll be able to feel the whole two to three inch length of it. You’ll also notice its ridged or ribbed texture. If you separate your fingers a bit, you can run them along the gutters or sides of the tube. If you can reach in far enough, you’ll feel where it ends. When you play with it for awhile, you may notice that it starts to feel like a wet sponge, as if it’s full of tiny fluid-filled grapes.

If you’re using a mirror, you can see some interesting sights. If you hold your vagina open and look inside with a light, you’ll see the roof bulging boldly down into your vaginal canal. You can also note the raised circular ring that’s the end of the tube surrounding the opening of your urethra.

Pleasuring Female Parts

Here’s a little tip about pleasuring female parts: most women prefer to have their erectile tissue played with after it’s at least partially engorged. If you or your playmate are pressing the urethral sponge too early in arousal it will usually not only not feel good, it will often feel irritating. Save sponge stimulation for high level arousal and if playing with it doesn’t feel good—back out and turn up the turn on before returning to inner sponge play.

For a more detailed version of your home play assignment, detailed anatomy descriptions and unique illustrations, please see my book, Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure.

Nectar of Life

In ancient India, female ejaculate was known as sacred Amrita or the Nectar of Life. In Traditional Chinese Medicine, it’s called White Moon Flower Medicine. Western science is beginning to catch up with this ancient wisdom, but while there is more research then previously, we still lack a consensus about the existence of many of the structures that make up the whole female genitalia and the process of female ejaculation.

The Erectile Network

Women have a network of interconnected structures that are all made of erectile tissue. I call it the Erectile Network. The Erectile Network is a matrix of structures that includes all three parts of the clitoris, the paired vestibular bulbs, the perineal sponge and the urethral sponge. Women can become aroused and orgasmic by stimulating any of these structures (or in many other non-genital ways as well) but, in general the best arousal and orgasms happen when all of these structures are thoroughly stimulated.

Erectile Equality

Pound for pound, inch for inch the female erectile network contains the same amount of erectile tissue as a penis. Erectile tissue is mostly composed of erectile capillaries, which are tiny specialized blood vessels that have the capacity to fill with blood. This is engorgement which is what causes erectile tissue to swell, become harder and more sensitive.

The Super Soaker Sponge

One of the structures in the network is the urethral sponge (aka the female prostate since it’s analogous to the male prostate). The urethral sponge is a tube that surrounds the tube of the urethra – think of it like a roll of paper towels surrounding the inner cardboard tube. It’s located above the roof of the vagina. The bottom of the tube is what is currently (and incorrectly) being referred to as the G-Spot.

The urethral sponge is comprised of both erectile and glandular tissue. The glands are the Paraurethral Glands (aka the Skene’s Glands). They’re tiny tubular structures that are enmeshed in the erectile capillaries — think of them like the hair roots of a plant threaded throughout the soil of the erectile tissue. The tubular glands end in about thirty openings along the urethra, with two slightly larger ducts just inside or just outside the urethral orifice. In other words, the glandular tubules empty into the urethral canal. In some women, there are additional openings along the sides of the vaginal vestibule.

These glands are the source of female ejaculate. The fluid originates in the circulatory system. The watery part of the blood, the plasma diffuses through the wall of the capillaries, enters the glandular tubule, mixes with the products of the gland and then emerges into the urethra. From there it can either emerge from the urethral opening or back-up into the bladder.

More Ejaculate Info

Female ejaculation is the expulsion of that fluid in a drip, gush or squirt. It can be a few drops, a small puddle or a huge flood. In fact, since the original source of the liquid is the circulatory system, there’s a huge fluid reservoir and women can continue to make fluid and have repeated and profuse amounts of ejaculate.

Women may squirt once or repeatedly, occasionally, sometimes, frequently, or always. Female ejaculation doesn’t always accompany orgasm. It can happen with high level arousal although for many women it does commonly happen with orgasm.

Ejaculate is not urine, although it spurts out from the urethra. That’s the same hole pee comes out of, so it’s understandable that people might think it’s urine. But it’s not yellow, doesn’t smell like pee, doesn’t have the same chemical make-up as urine (no urea, no nitric acid). That’s because it’s not urine and doesn’t originate from the bladder. The fluid does contain Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) and Prostatic Acid Phosphatase just as the male prostate fluid does.

Amrita Isn’t Lube

Is it the same as vaginal lubrication? No. vaginal lubrication comes from the inner walls of the vagina and it’s slick and slippery. Ejaculate comes from the paraurethral glands, emerges from the urethral opening and it’s watery.

Natural AND Learnable

While some women are natural ejaculators, it’s a learnable skill and any woman can learn to do it. It’s not required. This is a totally optional skill. I will say though that having ejaculatory orgasms is a mind-boggling, intense and goddess-like experience, so it may be something that you want to learn to do! Being a gushing goddess (or being with a gushing goddess) is glorious!

A great starter vibrator for women: the Hitachi Magic Wand preferably with the right attachments. It serves multiple purposes – external stimulation to the clitoris and other outer parts of the vulva plus, with a firm g-spotter attachment, you can stimulate the g-spot (urethral sponge).

The Journal of Sexual Medicine’s recent issue states that “There is general agreement that it is possible to have an orgasm thru the direct simulation of the external clitoris. In contrast, the possibility of achieving climax during penetration has been controversial.” They include the opinions of six scientists with different experimental evidence debating the existence of the vaginally activated orgasm. Their conclusion? “The assumption that women may experience only the clitoral, external orgasm is not based on the best available scientific evidence.”

Really? Scientists are debating whether it’s possible for a woman to have an orgasm from vaginal stimulation? I hate to be snarky but ‘duh’. Of course it’s possible. Women having orgasms from vaginal penetration alone is’s just not what happens much of the time. The majority of women—more than half—don’t have orgasms with intercourse. Even for those that do, it’s not usually their first or easiest path to orgasm.

And, orgasm with intercourse is certainly not the only way or the right way. There is no one right way. There is a wide spectrum of orgasms people can have, and part of that variation definitely depends on what parts get stimulated, in what ways and for how long.

But here’s the thing. Woman can learn to have orgasms with intercourse—it’s a learnable skill. If a woman wants to learn how. It’s always important to remember that all of our erotic skills are options, not things any one has to do. And no one’s a failure or broken or not sexy if they haven’t yet learned how to have orgasms in any particular way.

So, I’d like to suggest we stop debating whether it’s possible and turn our attention to helping women learn lots of paths to orgasm and then learn to expand their pathways to include whatever activities they want in their repertoire.