Friday, August 23, 2019

Watching the last episode of a show with zero context: Breaking Bad

Hey, I had the same disclaimer on the one below and I'm putting it on this one, too. I'm too lazy to edit this. So I apologize for all spelling/grammar errors. Forgive me.

Hey readers.

For those of you who don't know, I'm starting a new, temporary series on this blog in which I watch just the very last episode/movie of a series I've never seen\. I need to come up with a clever name for it. If you come up with something, let me know.

This week, I logged onto Netflix to see that the one and only Breaking Bad was now streaming. And, admittedly, I got a pretty excited because this show was pretty popular when I was in high school. So, it seemed like the perfect candidate for my blog.

I actually know a decent amount about Breaking Bad, because I watched the first episode five years ago. And I was scarred by how dark it was, because I had just gotten back from a religious mission and was still an avid Jesus follower and hadn't watched anything dark. I mean, I'm still an avid Jesus follower, but I've also seen episodes of American Horror Story and The Walking Dead and stuff. I'm desensitized.

So here's what I know/remember about the show:

A chemistry teacher gets diagnosed with cancer (I think lung cancer). He's super poor, I believe.
He teams up with an old student of his to start making meth. His student puts Dorito powder in his meth.
The chemistry teacher comes up with a scientifically amazing way to create meth. He and his student start a meth lab in a mobile home?
Some sketchy stuff happens, some guys with guns track them down, he does some sort of concoction that explodes and he's able to escape, he's in the middle of nowhere New Mexico and thinks he's about to get caught but doesn't so he decides to keep making meth.
Am I right?
Oh and I believe he has an autistic son.

I went on a bad date once, and the guy told me that the final shot in the series is amazing, and that the man character dies.

So . . . yes. The chemistry teacher dies. I think his student might too? Or there's an open ending with the student.

So, without further ado, here's my thought process as I watched the last episode of Breaking Bad with very little context:

Only five seasons? I thought there was more. Didn't the same people who did Walking Dead do this show? Wy couldn't htey have finished that at a reasonable amount of seasons?

55 minutes long? Ugh.

Okay, he's in a snowy car. So . . . he's not in New Mexico anymore?

He's shaking BAD. This is either cancer, meth, or . . . some plot point I don't know about yet.

Okay, so, it appears as if this isn't his car? He just found it? And he managed to find the keys which were hidden in the worst place ever? (Under the visor.)

Okay now there's no snow. He must be back in New Mexico. Or near there. Where was he? Oh, the license plate says New Hampshire. Okay. Geez how long of a drive is that?

Oh, that's a lotta money. Drug dealing DOES get you godo money, I hear.

He's on the phone, saying he's a journalist from the New York Times. I'm pretty sure that's a lie.

They have payphones still? What time period does this take place in?

Who are the Schwartz?! Is that him?

Cut scene to fancy house. I bet these people are drug dealers.

Chem teacher is at fancy house. And just waltzed on in. Why did they leave their front door unlocked?? They live in a MANSION and probably deal DRUGS. You don't leave your door unlocked! I mean, I live in a dinky apartment and don't deal drugs and I leave my door locked all the time.

How have they not noticed him? Has anyone every just walked into my home without me noticing and walked around?

Wow okay Elliott is holding a knife VERY shakily to Walt (they've said their names so I gathered that info). If you're gonna threaten someone physically, do it convincingly.

Who is Gretchin? WHY IS HE GIVEN THEM ALL THIS MONEY?

9 MILLION 720 DOLLARS?!

Oh that's nice, he's leaving it to his son.

Oh this dude's smart.

And surprisingly charitable for a drug dealer. I mean, I've never knowingly conversed with a drug deal-- oh, no I have. Okay yeah they were nice too. Just . . . it's 9 million dollars, man.

WAIT WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY ARE THERE RED DOTS SIGNALING A SNIPER RIFLE??

Also, do insanely rich people dress that fancy all the time? I feel like I wouldn't, but what would I know?

Okay so those weren't guns? Clever.

Chaotic evil.

Or lawful evil?

Oh, oh is Jesse the student?

Why did the scene just switch to what looks like a commercial for depression medication?

Walt's eating bacon. I want bacon.

Pretty sure they just showed a flashback to the first episode, and I'm now remembering that his wife's brother is a cop.

Man, Walt is good at/loves dramatic entrances.

I know this is probably the third time I've typed this already but he is SMART.

Okay so now his (ex?) wife know's he's in town and this chick is like "MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T KILL YOU" but didn't he just like, say he still loves her ten minutes ago??

Oh, look. Another dramatic entrance made my Walt. I don't think I've ever made a dramatic entrance in my LIFE, and this guy has managed to make three in less than 24 hours. Impressive. That, right there, is dramatic entrance goals.

"Trade that for a deal with the prosecutor and you get yourself out of this."

K seriously when does this take place. One minute I think it's the early 2000's, the next I think it's the 70's.

Ugh this show is extremely show moving and hard to watch -- probably because I have zero idea what's going on and who any of these characters are.

Ooohhhh he wanted Jesse to die, ey? I wonder why.

Oh, Jesse does not look good. I mean, I guess that's what meth does to you. But, still. I've met a good deal of methers in my life and he does not look good for one. I mean it probs has to do partly with the fact that he's chained up, but . . .

OH HOLY CRAP. THE CAR IS SHOOTING AT THEM. I REPEAT, THE CAR, IS SHOOTING, AT THEM.

Oddly enough I find the most unrealistic part of this scene is how many bullets that gun has, and also that it was able to penetrate the wall. But mostly how many bullets that gun has.

Awww why's he killing that dude? That dude seemed nice. He looked like my ex's roommate who was real nice. I felt connected to this character. Why'd he have to die? Oh, this is a gruesome death too.

However, for a show that was created by the same people who did the Walking Dead, I'm surprised their haven't been more gruesome deaths.

Seriously why do Walt and Jesse hate each other?

Okay, but, granted, meth doesn't exactly bring people together . . .

Also who were all these people he just shot?

TODD. That's the name of the nice guy that I don't think needed to die. Cause he looked like -- oh no, he poisoned her. Wonder what she did to him. Lydia, that's her name. He poisoned Lydia, guys! Did she deserve to die? I literally have no idea. Someone tell me. Also, since she now knows she's poisoned, can she do something about it or is she just a lost cause?

Alright so Jesse's alive. Looks like that's an open ended ending for Jesse.

Do slamming through gate doors while driving really work like that?

Pretty sure Jesse laughing while driving is a meme I've seen.

Oh, snap. Walt got shot.

Wait, when? When the car was shooting at him?

Based on the fact that it's showing that gun while showing his wound, I'd say, yeah. He got himself shot. Sucks, brah.

How did the cops know he was there? Who called them?

Oh, here's the 'cool shot' that bad date guy told me about. I gotta say, it's not as great of a shot as I thought it would be. That's disappointing.

Okay, final thoughts:

........honestly, I found it boring. I expected it to be action packed, and it was just full of . . . conversations and dramatic entrances. It probably would have been more impactful if I had actually seen the show. But, like, literally. What did any of that mean? And what was his wife involved in that she'd need a prosecutor? I'm so . . . . . . unsatisfied.