HEY RINOs AND PAULTARDS! IN YOUR FACE, DORKS!

Now, before we get started, let's get a few things clear. Number one, I don't shill for candidates. I have my favorite candidate and you have yours. In this column, I will never tell you who to vote for. I will always tell you who I think is pond scum (like Mitt Commie, like former Obama syocphant Jon Huntsman, and last, and certainly least, Stormfront candidate Ron Paul), but I will never tell you who to vote for. (You're an adult, I trust you'll act accordingly.) Number two, I am fully aware that the Iowa Caucus is not that big of a deal. There's no need to remind me of that. (If you don't believe me, ask President Huckabee.)

The failures of Mitt Commie were mind boggling. Here was a guy with a campaign budget that was bigger than the GDP of El Salvador, who had been campaigning since John McLame's whimpering defeat in 2008, and has a cable news station (FNC, aka the Fox Neocon Channel) in the tank for him, and has a super PAC to do his hatchet work for him.......and yet........he barely beat Rick Santorum by 8 votes. Yep, you read that right, 8 measly votes. (It should be noted, that until very recently, Rick Santorum's campaign was being ignored by everyone not named Mark Levin and had 68 cents and pocket lint to its name.) Even uglier for Mitt Commie was the fact that he was unable to drive a wooden stake into the heart of nemesis Newt Gingrich's campaign. Despite being carpet bombed by Romney's PAC hatchet men and operatives, Gingrich placed a respectable fourth and lived to fight another day. In other words---Mitt Commie choked.

Meanwhile, in Red Skull Ron Paul's Fourth Reich, the Paultards are in Judenfrei heaven. They think their Fuhrer has won a great victory over the "neocon bankster Zionist war mongers" by placing third. In actuality, this is a resounding, Stalingrad-like defeat for Herr Doktor. See, Iowa laws allow anyone to change their party affiliation at the door of any caucus and vote. So in theory, every liberaltarian, every Green, every 9/11 Truther, every Neo-Nazi, every malcontent, and every so-called "independent" in the state of Iowa could have showed up and dragged the Surrender Monkey's carcass across the finish line. But they didn't. Despite the "money bombs", the "spamming" of polls, the "trolling" of FRee Republic, making pests of themselves on talk shows, and other Brownshirt-like behavior, RuPaul (H/T: Mark Levin) and his flunkies have failed and failed big time.

Let me repeat: No, I'm not shilling for anyone and yes, I know Iowa's not that big of a deal. However, a win's a win and I'll take 'em any way I can get 'em. If you don't win, you can't keep it classy and say things like this: