Even
Bandai has its bad days. During a short lived period in the mid
80s, Transformers were a booming product. This led Bandai, the
then owner of the Transformer license, to develop dozens of POS
ideas, each designed to lure in fans new and old alike. These
were either never published or totally forgotten in the ocean
that is time. On this page, I will show you some of the more
interesting of these failed creations, and give all the respect
that they deserve.

Transformers:
The Sitcom (1982)

T:TS
failed to live past its pilot episode, possibly due to poor time
block placement. It premiered on CBS at 3 in the morning.
Obviously, T:TS could in no way rival ABC's 3 AM Infomercial
Power Hour, and was later canceled.

In this
episode, Hot Rod and Blur decide they need to "chill"
and decide to move to Bel Air, where they rent an apartment in
hopes of becoming "tubular." Along the way, they meet
up with two sexy ladies, Elita-One and an unknown hussy, and
split the cost. They also meet up with Danny, the lovable paper
boy, and Kup and Alpha Trion, as The Two Horny Old Guys. You can
expect lots o' laffs when Blur gets himself cornered in a lesbian
bar and Hot Rod spills coffee on the witty Mexican crimelord,
Megatrono!

Bandai's
Drugs and You (1983)

This after
school special premiered on ABC following the ill fated Fun
with Chevy Chase kiddie cartoon. Only one show was released,
most likely due to the fact that guest host Barbara Walters
refused to have anything to do with Bandai ever again.

Walters
joins Optimus Prime as they travel schools, speaking to grade
schoolers about drugs, sex, and violence. They teach moral
lessons, with amusing skits featuring fellow Autobots and the
crew from 20/20. Even the most inquisitive youngster
will have all of his questions answered, from topics on peer
pressure to the ever challenging-to-answer, "Which company
creates the best action figures?" A few, obvious questions
were planted in the audience, most coming from the
ever-irritating Danny.

Transformers
and Mow Bots Combine!!! (1983)

In this bizarre John
Deere/Bandai infomercial, the Transformers crash land on an isle
filled with tall, murderous grasses. Basically, more were not
produced as the script quickly ran out of, well, gas.

This feature-length
commercial began with the Autobots landing on Lawnicus, a hostile
planet covered in carnivouous grass. While trying to escape, they
stumble upon a cave filled with ever helpful natives: the John
Deere Mow Bots! With incredible speed, power, and turning radius,
the Autobots are saved. Grateful, the Autobots vow to only trim
the Cybertronian lawns with the best quality lawnmowers. John
Deere Lawnmowers.

Lustful
Bots (1985)

Bandai hopes to capture other
demographics with a low budget pornographic adult movie. It
failed miserably, gaining only .05 M in revenue.

Lustful Bots is basically a series
of closeups of cars in various factories. Robots must get turned
on by this or something, but it's just too bizarre for the human
mind to comprehend. Below are two photos of this travesty.
Absolutely disgusting. Elita-One supposedly makes an appearance
in the "Love Factory" scene. Quote, "I was young
and I needed the money."

Transformers
and Shaft (1981)

This show was the lovechild of Mr.
Isaac Hayes, supposedly on some sort of controlled substance.
When questioned by Rolling Stone, something was mumbled sounding
remotely like "Transformer." Bandai took it from there.

Shaft and the Autobots must battle
against the clock to prevent the nefarious Decepticons from
kidnapping Sugar Bolts (Played by Elita-One). A surprise
appearance by Morgan Freeman as Megatron's right-hand stud, is
enjoyable, but frequent visits by Shaft's new informant Danny
detracts from the overall quality of the title.

Transformers
and MTV Rock-A-Thon (1987)

Once again, to attract the
ever-waning teenage populous, Bandai joined forces with Viacom
media to produce a show so indistinguishable bad, it could only
be called one word: sucky. Notable only for its
"funky" animation, the show was dead as soon as it hit
the screen. Bummer, dude!

In the first and final episode,
viewers listen to all of the hottest tunes, such as Salt n Pepa
and the then-unknown Kris Kross. Sound Wave was on the boards,
scrathin' like mad. With those "phat" rhymes coming
from those stars, we couldn't blame Ultra Magnus for
"getting down with his bad self" and "busting a
move" Word up, kids! 'Bots in the house!

Transformers
Hit Tokyo (1988)

In an effort to bring some
educational titles to Bandai's lineup, they produced the
Transformers Hit... series. Only "Tokyo" was released,
as a wave of discontentment towards Bandai quickly made them
rethink their marketing plan. The Japanese were apparently upset
at the "complete disrespect towards their culture." For
some bizarre reason, Bandai, a nearly totally Japanese company,
used stereotypical Japanese in every scene. I guess they don't
like being labeled as "ninjas and sushi munchers." It
must have been a cultural misunderstanding.

The Autobots, while on a jaunt to
one of Cybertron's moons, crash smack dab in the middle of Tokyo.
Here, they learn illigitimate facts, such as sushi is actually
japanese for "Urinal" and that Del Taco is a strong
part of their national heritage. The only interesting part is
when Autobot Sky Fire meets up with his long lost brother, the
Valkyrie, star of the Macross series. Both get drunk on
sake and start a brawl.