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“No. No. No. I am talking about an excessive compulsion to get into bed and pull the covers up over my head and just forget about the world. And then, when I do that, the next morning, I am just as tired.”

“You have a serious medical problem Wolf. It’s called depression. You might as well face it. You have gone looney.”

“What do you suggest I do for this malady?”

“Commit yourself into an institution for the emotionally damaged. Or better yet, get over it. It’s all in your head.”

“You are no help. I need sympathy and tender loving care. I am seriously deranged. And just getting over it is the idiot’s way of saying that there is no problem. Don’t you care about my feelings? I am, after all, a raving lunatic, with a buzz on.”

“Have you ever considered that it could be the wine that you are consuming? Of course you are tired. You are drunk as a skunk.”

“So?”

“Alcohol is a depressant, you moron. You exceeded your limit, and now you are uncomfortably numb.”

“I don’t feel anything, Minnie, except for this craving for getting under those covers. And don’t blame it on the wine. That has nothing to do with it. I felt this way last night. And every night this week. At midnite, every night, I thought I would turn into a pumpkin. I got up and expected to see an orange aura, enveloping my face.”

“Quit staying up til midnite. That’s your problem. You think you are 17 years old, and can handle it. You can’t. You are past your prime. You are no longer a spring chicken. You aren’t even a fall chicken. You are now a winter chicken.”

“I am? Well, that settles it.”

“What?”

“If I am in the winter of my discontent, I am staying up til 2am every night and living it up.”

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“There he was, 3 feet tall, running his ass off. He never stops. Well, unless he happens to run into a cookie.”

“Huh? You have a short guy working with you?”

“Oh yeah. He is my soul mate. He and I bonded the minute he walked, I mean, ran into the office. I knew he was special, when I asked him how his day was going. He never said a word. He just ran by and threw his balls at me.”

“What the hell? This is your new coworker?”

“Yes. He is a genius. He runs circles around the rest of us. He exudes enthusiasm and excitement. He is very attractive and has charisma. He is an inspiration to the rest of us. He makes us examine our complacent lives. His vivacity moves us into action. Non verbal communication, Minnie. This little guy has no need to talk. He just gives us that look and keeps running. He spares no one. He rounds up the troops and gives us that special look that says, ‘Hey you idiots. Live! Run, don’t walk. Enjoy! And above all, quit talking and get moving. Actions, baby. They speak louder than words.”

“Who is this enigma? How did you get so lucky to have him join your team? What did it take to get him to sign on with you goofs?”

“Oh, no, Minnie. He didn’t sign on. He ate his cookie and left. He has bigger fish to fry.”

“Like what?”

“Well, for starters, ice cream, baseball, school and living life to its fullest…. and an occasional cookie.”

“Who is he? The great Gatsby? The future president of the USA? An astronaut? A Doctor? What?”

“Any or all of the above, Minnie. The world is his oyster.

“Then why did you let him get away?”

“Are you kidding? I couldn’t catch him. In a wink of an eye, he was gone.”

“What’s his name, anyway?”

“No one knows. He didn’t say. But I have a feeling that his name is not what’s important. It’s what he made us feel that really counts.”

“May I ask? How old is this little guy?”

“Age? Who knows? He could be 18 months old, or maybe, even 2 years old. But this kid is ageless. So, if you will excuse me, I need to leave for a little while.”

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“Gaseous. At 730am, I walked into the office and felt like Ed Norton.”

“The movie star?”

“No, the guy on the Honeymooners, the sewer worker. It was so stinky in that office, I could hardly eat my French toast.”

“Geez, did it smell like that all day?”

“Well, Beaver came in, bloated up like a gas ball, from eating pizza, black beans and egg plant. The office medics helped her out with tums, gas ex, peppermint tea, and gallons of water.”

“Did it help?”

“It did, until she ate lunch. 2 slices of pepperoni pizza.”

“What the hell?”

“Yeah. She couldn’t even get into the birthday cake this afternoon. I guess she was afraid when they lit the candles, she would explode from all that gas hanging in the air.”

“Did you feel slightly gassy?”

“Of course I did. We all did. The smell was overwhelming, and we spent most of the day walking around sniffing each other.”

“Did you find the cause of the noxious fumes?”

“There are a number of theories floating around, but no consensus. So we blamed it on Oscar.”

“Why pick on Oscar?”

“She took a vacation day today. Now, who takes a vacation day on Wednesday? Only a sick, gaseous laden woman, like Oscar. Besides, she wasn’t there to suffer with us, so we figured she stunk up the place last night before she left the office. She loves drama.”

“There has to be a logical reason for the smelly atmosphere, Wolf. How can you be productive when you spend your day, sneaking around, sniffing one another? And by the way, there is no such word as stunk.”

“Of course there is. It’s a derivative of the word skunk, from the Latin translation. Have you ever studied Latin, Minnie? If you had, you would know that skunks are cute little creatures with enormous gas problems. And throughout the years, the skunks mated with the beavers, and now they are both gas balls, with strange eating habits.”

“Just how did you come to this conclusion? I mean, this is crazy. And what strange eating habits?”

“Shut up Minnie. I think we all have a dark side. We are not all good, nor all bad. We show the world our good side, so that when we finally do commit a heinous crime, no one will believe it.”

“You don’t have to be a murderer to have a dark side. It is the mind going bonkers. The deep rooted anger and oppression, finally lashing out. We snap. We crackle. We pop.”
I am not talking about cereal killers Minnie. Don’t be flip. And forget serial killers. They are sick. I am talking about you and me and everyone else we know. I truly believe that good and evil exists in every one of us.”

“Yeah, Ok, like the devil and angels, the apple and the snake, the saints and the sinners. Like you are saying something original? Light and darkness, right and wrong, you say potato, I say tomato.”

“So what causes the dark side to emerge? What is it in us that compels us to take the mask off and finally reveal the real you?”

“Look, Tonto, don’t ask me. It must have something to do with the mind. Ask your therapist. Meditate. Do yoga. Or better yet, get loaded and tell me how you really feel. In wine, there is truth.”

“You could have at least used the Latin translation, you idiot. However, getting back to my original question, do you have a dark side, Minnie?”

“If I say no, you will say, liar, liar. If I say yes, you will say, I knew it, you phony. I take the fifth. I have no memory of any dark side emerging.”

“Then why did you throw out my slippers? I loved those slippers. You knew how much I loved them. Now, I have to break in a new pair. If that isn’t a sign of a dark side, I will eat my hat.”