Comments (26)

Our long distance order is fall break(4 days), alternating Christmas(whole break even years, day after christmas odd years), and spring break(9 days, with weekends). We split all travel expenses 50/50, and we are 2200 miles apart. Visitation should not effect school, any sane judge is going to modify that. My ex also had the option to travel and visit kids but he doesnt. That is a lousy order that effects a kids schooling., im sorry OP (original poster)

I was the moving party (even before I filed for divorce). Ex-H was supposed to move here after our house sold. He didn't, which created a 1500 mile distance between us. Our original CO was very vague. It basically said he could come visit DD (dear daughter) any time we mutually agreed & that's it. He visited here three weekends in a 1 year period. He has since moved even further away (2500 miles).

We modified so now his time is:
-1 school break of my choosing (we have 2; 1 in Feb, 1 in April). I give him 90 days notice prior to the 1st break which one is his
-30 days Summer (it's set dates but we modified dates last year & will again this year)
-Thanksgiving, Even years
-Christmas, Odd years
-he can come here any non consecutive weekend with 14 days notice but not during my holiday/vacation times (he hasn't come here to visit in over a year & that time was only bc he was required to show up in court bc I filed contempt. Before that it's been almost 2 years).

-He pays 100% travel. He flies here for pick up & drop off until DD (dear daughter) is 14. He has to be present for every exchange. When DD (dear daughter) turns 14, she decides if she wants to fly by herself. If she doesn't, he continues to accompany until she decides she wants to fly solo or turns 18
-All vacations during school year, she has to be home 2 days prior to school resuming
-He is required to give me RT flight info 14 days prior to originating flight
-If DD (dear daughter) will not be at his home for the entire time she's with him, he is required to give me the address & phone number where she will be as well as any flight information

I think that's it. I can't really remember anything else right now.

I have either early released her or she has missed a day here & there for travel (we live in a very spring/summer/fall high tourist area. We're about 1 1/2 hrs from the airport at non tourist times. With tourist traffic it could potentially be 3+ hours to airport!) or bc plane tix are cheaper on a certain day. I literally write her a note that says she's missing a day or 1/2 a day due to long distance visitation with her father. The school has our CO so they're well aware of circumstances and have not had an issue with it so far. Does the school have your CO so they'd know the visitation issue you're having with missing school? I'm shocked they can't give your son some make up work or something bc all you're doing is following a CO...

I have to say, it sounds a little bit as though you agreed a ridiculous travel schedule so that you could move away from your son’s father.

Now you resent the lack summer time together, the travel, the cost, the lack of time for extracurricular activities?

But this is why LD schedules are not often in the best interest of children.

A couple of ideas...

1) see if Dad will half the number of times you are driving to him for a weekend or long weekend.

- Offer him weekends in your state to replace time in his and to make this modification affordable for him drop receiving CS. Just give him the £250 a month towards auto and hotel expenses.

- Dad can take your son to sports etc on his weekends if he is visiting in town.

2) look in to year round schooling. If you have that in your area, it could provide slightly longer breaks around the year so that Dad could have relatively frequent, longer (than a weekend) visits with far less disruption to DS (dear son) or cost to you, and without you missing all of summer, or DS (dear son) being away for such a long time.

- Dad could have just over half or two thirds of every main school break, for example. Plus some additional holiday time in alternating years (alternating Christmas for example). Dad could also have visits in your state over weekends in term if he drives to your son and tries to keep up DS’s main extracurriculars and sports.

- Again offer to drop CS to cover Dad’s costs. This would be an easier schedule with less back and forth.

3) move back to where Dad lives and return to standard visitation. That was easier all around and worked for your son. Dad had consistent and regular parenting time without interrupting activities or schooling or missing time on your home.

- Moving (even closer) should at least be on the table, LD plans are awful all around and eventually your son will realise this LD plan is because of what you wanted, not because of his father.

Is there somewhere on the middle that would be nice for you to live? Closer to Dad for less driving? Close enough Dad might agree a different schedule and travel more himself?

It doesn't matter what the if/ands or buts are - even if mom made a deal. A child cannot leave school early EOWE to go to visitation. And it's an unreasonable schedule for any working adult (no matter the shift they work).

I would offer all 4 day weekends (our school has a lot)

Thanksgiving Break, one week of Xmas Break, all Spring Breaks. All summer outside the ability for you to take a week vacation and he needs to be back one week prior to start of
school.

I agree with what PP (previous poster) have said. It sounds like dad had EOWE when you were local. You wanted to move and got him to agree by not changing the visitation and agreeing to do all travel.

Now it sucks for your DS (dear son) and it sucks for you.

But if you go back to court I think dad has a great case for NOT changing things since the move was based on not changing anything. Its not even like you could offer more summer time or breaks in exchange for dropping the weekends cause he already has all summer it sounds like.

I have to say, it sounds a little bit as though you agreed a ridiculous trave...

Last edited
02/05/2018

I have to say, it sounds a little bit as though you agreed a ridiculous travel schedule so that you could move away from your son’s father.

Now you resent the lack summer time together, the travel, the cost, the lack of time for extracurricular activities?

But this is why LD schedules are not often in the best interest of children.

A couple of ideas...

1) see if Dad will half the number of times you are driving to him for a weekend or long weekend.

- Offer him weekends in your state to replace time in his and to make this modification affordable for him drop receiving CS. Just give him the £250 a month towards auto and hotel expenses.

- Dad can take your son to sports etc on his weekends if he is visiting in town.

2) look in to year round schooling. If you have that in your area, it could provide slightly longer breaks around the year so that Dad could have relatively frequent, longer (than a weekend) visits with far less disruption to DS being away for such a long time.

- Dad could have just over half or two thirds of every main school break, for example. Plus some additional holiday time in alternating years (alternating Christmas for example). Dad could also have visits in your state over weekends in term if he drives to your son and tries to keep up DS’s main extracurriculars and sports.

- Again offer to drop CS to cover Dad’s costs. This would be an easier schedule with less back and forth.

3) move back to where Dad lives and return to standard visitation. That was easier all around and worked for your son. Dad had consistent and regular parenting time without interrupting activities or schooling or missing time on your home.

- Moving (even closer) should at least be on the table, LD plans are awful all around and eventually your son will realise this LD plan is because of what you wanted, not because of his father.

Is there somewhere on the middle that would be nice for you to live? Closer to Dad for less driving? Close enough Dad might agree a different schedule and travel more himself?

Thank you for your input!

I was actually 6 months pregnant when I agreed to the terms and clearly, I didn't understand what I'd signed up for... At the time I was told that just because he had the right to make the child travel 15 times during the school year, didn't mean he'd actually exercise all 15 trips. He kept a portion of the child support so that he could visit our son here. (I was also told he'd be flexible on drop off/pick up times so the child wouldn't miss school. And that I'd be allowed visitation during the summer while dad worked.)

As far as seeing if dad will half the number of our son's visits... Dad is already offered monthly visits here and keeps $500/month (of the child support I received prior to relocating) to cover his travel costs. (We also offered him our guest house during visits instead of paying hotel costs.) Dad's wife (our son's step-mom) has family that lives within a couple of hours of us here. We've invited dad & step-mom to visit and take our son to sports etc here. No luck so far. I like your idea though!

Also, I've looked into home schooling but not year round schooling. I hadn't thought of that! Less disruption to his education and less back & forth would be wonderful!

And as far as moving back or moving closer... My [current] husband and I looked into that but he farms here and unfortunately farming is not a profession he can successfully relocate. My husband explained the scenario to my son's dad when he asked for his blessing. Dad gave his blessing then and so we moved forward in our relationship, and with our goal to make the best of long distance.

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