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Hello humans, it’s me again. I know we don’t always see eye to eye on a lot of things. Okay, most things. But this time I think I’ve got a pretty decent idea, point, argument, thing… so if you could just hear me out this once, I think we’ll all be better off in the long run. Granted, you’ll probably go and ignore the fuck out of me, but I figure it’s best to just give it a shot just in case.

Here’s the thing. I’m not a historian. I’ve never attained a degree in the study of history. But I know a little bit about things that have happened before now. I’ve also heard this phrase thrown around by a lot of folks, many believing it to be incredibly profound wisdom:

“Those who don’t pay attention to history the first time around are doomed to repeat it.”

Or something like that. Anyways, here’s what’s troubling me of late. You see, when you take a gander at the ol’ history of humans, there’s this thing they (you, we) do every few years. It’s just this little, tiny, silly little thing where we MURDER, SLAUGHTER, KILL, RAPE, BOMB, SHOOT, STAB, BURN, INCINERATE, ANNIHILATE AND DESTROY EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ON THE FUCKING PLANET!!!!

Then we go ‘Alright! That’s enough!’ And we draw up some treaties and we say ‘Okay, that was a bit silly, let’s not do that again for a while.’ And we carry on with our usual nonsense, which is fairly ridiculous in its own way, but not quite as bad as the whole massive massacring, in my not so popular opinion.

OBSERVATION THE FIRST! It has been a little while since the last time we all got together and decided we ought to murder everyone on a nice global scale. This appears to have gotten people a little ruffled up wondering ‘hmmm, we haven’t done that in awhile… maybe we should give it another shot?’

OBSERVATION THE SECOND! I’ve heard it suggested several times, by influential and intelligent folks, that we have just gone through the “2nd great depression” and that the only way to get out of a depression is to go and have one of these big ol’ rounds of fisticuffs, because then once we’re all working on killing each other, our money problems are miraculously solved. Just look at dubya, dubya two!

OBSERVATION THE THIRD! I’ve seen a very disturbing trend in recent months to casually suggest that we are inevitably heading very quickly to just this scenario. Either we are going to bomb Iran, or they will bomb Israel, or something will happen in Korea, and then the Russians and Chinese will join forces and the US and Europe will join forces and we’ll have ourselves a nice big ol’ global dust up and that’s just the way it has to be because that’s just the way things are and well shucks that’s just the way it’s gonna be.

SUGGESTION!!!!!!!

Don’t.

Do.

It.

People.

Humans!

All of you! (Us even!) Let’s try something crazy! Let’s just take a minute here and think about maybe giving another idea a shot. Let’s take a different path this time. You know, the path that doesn’t involve nuclear weaponry. The one that doesn’t lead to a country with 2 billion people in it mobilizing the largest standing army in the history of the planet and facing off with the country with the largest arsenal of nuclear and biological weapons ever stockpiled.

Instead! Let’s do anything else! Everything. Oh my, would you look at the possibilities outside of getting all dressed up in uniforms and slaughtering each other for a decade. Why there’s just so many things we could do! Endless really.

You see I’m a big believer in objective truth. That is, I don’t believe anything is true unless it can be proven true when cross-examined objectively, without bias or pre-conceived notions. One of my favorite litmus tests involves imagining you are an alien spacecraft hovering above the planet and taking a good solid look at what’s going on. Under this scenario, I find it very hard to believe that countries exist, anywhere but in our mind. We made them up! We killed each other a long time ago and then we decided on some borders and said ‘If you’re born here you’re different than if you’re born there” and other equally ridiculous assertions. Some of the more popular ones include:

If you were born here you are superior on all counts to anyone who was born there

Some things happened there a long time ago so now we hate anyone born there

If anyone born there ever does ____ we have to kill everyone born there and I’m sure everyone born here can agree

etc. etc.

But the reality is this. If you floated down on your alien craft and took a look at the 49th parallel in North America. You would see a curious, inexplicable sight. You would see structures, fences, towers. You would see guns, patrols, checkpoints. If you looked closer you would see documents, paperwork, anal probes. In the halls of power you would see debates over what to do about this line you could not see. This line you could not measure. This line you wouldn’t know was ever there, unless the humans told you it was there. And no matter how many times they told you, or how passionately they argued that the line was there, that the border existed, that it was a very real and important thing. No matter how stupid they thought you were for not understanding it, you would be right. And they would be wrong.

There is no line.

There never was. There never will be.

There is no here, and there is no there

There is no us and there is no them

So there’s no reason to kill each other by the millions. There’s no reason to think it has to be. There’s no reason to believe it is inevitable.

Not in the real world. Not in the realm of truth.

But humans, truth is not your strong point. I’m not saying it ever was or it ever will be. I’m just hoping… that you’re better than I think you are.

Who the fuck is Danny Mendlow and why do I care what he has to say?

I am a comedian, an award-winning screenwriter and blah blah blah blah… this isn’t a job interview, it’s a blog. I do write, perform and produce comedy as well as various other artistic ventures, which means that I work a lot of menial, boring, low-level jobs to sustain myself and work very hard in what little spare time I have to one day succeed at what I actually enjoy doing. My mind is probably more suited for politics than anything. Trouble is, I hate politics, swear all the time, like to tell the truth and think that politicians are essentially pure 100% evil, and mostly useless. Deep down, I’m actually a decent human being who wants to contribute ideas which would make a better life for others… so clearly I have no place in politics.

This blog will primarily consist of socially critical rants about things that I hate about our species and perhaps some suggestions as to how things could be better… but won’t.

I hold no false hopes that something I write here will change humanity for the better. No, that would actually disprove every conclusion I have come to about the human organism. In essence, I believe we are a highly pompous, self-aggrandizing, self-important micro-organism with an inferiority complex, that won’t be alive much longer. I also believe the next 30 or 40 years will be a very interesting time. I believe a lot of bad things are going to happen and a lot of people are going to die. I only hope that after all those people die (whether from war, catastrophe, disease or best of all… all three!) Perhaps something different and somewhat more progressive will emerge.

I highly doubt that will be the case. More than likely we’re all headed for either the most boring or horrific time in history. Either way, I’ll keep writing.

If you like people who complain a lot about stuff but don’t take themselves all that seriously… then you’re in the right place!

maybe

Also, I hate the word blog. It’s a stupid fucking word and we should change it.

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