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Still single in a sea of worthy women and charmless men

On Friday, February 21, dating site www.cityswoon.com hosted 700 hopeful singles, flocking to Sydney’s iconic Opera House in an attempt to walk away with a Guinness World Record and more importantly, an impromptu meeting of the romantic kind.To break the record, previously held in Chicago, participants were required to spend an hour with their blind date and once the hour was up, were free to do as they please.Taking one for the team, I decided to participate. Maybe I’d get a better understanding of why so many of us are still ‘single in the city’ and with a little luck meet someone new.One of the first things that struck me was the calibre of women; Sydney is brimming with attractive women. As for the men, only a minority could compare. Some men turning up in shorts, caps and sneakers, looking like they got lost on their way to the skate-park or footy match, not an event at the Opera House.As participants gleefully took advantage of the free flowing Dutch courage, I mingled among the eclectic group, chatting casually about the highs and lows of dating. The consensus came as no surprise.Anita, a 32 year-old South African native, enthusiastically expressed her impression of Australian men. “I can’t believe how lazy and apathetic they are, they seem to lack interest when it comes to approaching a woman and prefer to sit back and let us do all the work.”Karen, a 36-year-old lawyer, had similar sentiments. “I keep meeting unavailable men. In the beginning they say they’re looking for a relationship, then three or four dates in they change their minds. It’s frustrating!”Tom, a 37-year-old chippie cradling two beers explained: “Hot chicks are everywhere, I don’t really know what I want right now, so if they’re interested, I let them come to me.”The more men I chatted to, the more that admitted they loved playing the diverse and ample field, while others confessed not caring about meeting women when they go out, happy to sit around with their mates and let the women do the chasing.Thankfully this depressing barrage of confessionals was suspended as we were herded into the Northern Foyer for the main event. Of course as luck would have it, my match was a no-show and I was transported back to high school, the reject standing on her own at the Blue Light disco.In a last minute attempt to ensure the record was broken, I was coupled with Allen. Awkward doesn’t come close to what would ensue.Exchanging pleasantries I hoped the hour would go quickly. My confidence was soon shot when he blurted he wasn’t surprised I was single, between my wardrobe (a simple black cocktail dress) and my bitchy face.My bitchy face? “Yeah, you’re attractive, but you just look like a bitch,” were his actual words. I found Allen’s insights interesting considering he was a good half a foot shorter than me and didn’t have a single wisp of hair on his Mr Sheened head.While I’m no supermodel, I’m not a toothless ex-meth addict with a criminal conviction as the getaway driver in an armed robbery. That was a man a woman I later commiserated with got matched to.Poor Allen tried to back-pedal but the damage was done. When the hour was up, my girlfriend and I made a beeline for the exit, though thankfully there were signs that other singles fared better than I.My bitchy face and dress skulked into the night, my friend’s experience, none more positive than mine, as she too was told she looked stuck up. As we contemplated surgery over another glass of wine asking each other in earnest if there really was something terribly wrong with us.Now, not only do I have a complex about my bone structure, which apparently screams ‘‘evil cow’’, but the fact that a number of men confirmed what I’d feared … there are so many women in this city, they don’t even need to try.My fate is a sobering one, I’ll probably die alone, but at least I can now add Guinness World Record holder to my single status and epitaph.My question remains … is it getting harder to be ‘‘single in the city’’?

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186 comments

Men don't have to try? What rubbish.

Commenter

IH

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 12:22AM

Basically this article used this one night as a microcosm for Sydney as a whole. I wasn’t here so I won’t slate the attractiveness of people I’ve never met but I do agree Australian men are not forthright and sit back a lot. Now in some ways I get it, there’s the risk of being seen as sleazy, or you get chatting to a nice girl, buy her loads of drinks and then at the end of the night she tells you she has a boyfriend.

But like the MKR girls I have been to over 42 countries and compared to other countries, yes, there is no doubt in my mind Australian men are “lazy” when it comes to pursuing women. I was in the UK for just over a month and I think I got chatted up and approached by more men in that timeframe than I have in my whole life in Australia.

Men do have to try, the problem is they generally don't bother.

Commenter

Fiona

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 5:39PM

Of course men have to try. But this is a scenario that gets played out in any western culture where women have a level of prosperity but still cling on to the notion of not dating down.

To illustrate, take 10 single men and 10 single women in their mid 30's. Each are a 1 to 10 on the 'attraction' scale, with attraction being a mix of physical attraction, intelligence and financial capacity. As we have 10 of each gender, we have for this demonstration 1 at the 1 level, 1 at the 2 level etc etc.

Now the average girl and average guy is a 5.5. So lets take a 5 as average in our group. The average guy is happy to date up and down, and will date down to a 3 and finds up to a 7 attractive. He still thinks an 8 or higher is attractive, but too high-maintenance for his lifestyle.

In contrast, the 5 women wants to date 6,7,8 and 9 men. But a 8 or 9 man will only date down to a 6 or 7 respectively. So realistically, as a 5 she sees the 8 and 9 guys not trying to put the effort in. In reality, they are not attracted to her.

So at the end of the day, our 5 guy will be happy to date from a 3 to a 7. And the 5 girl will be attracted to 6 and 7 men. The numbers are not in her favour so she complains that there are no good men left and they don't go to the effort she expects.

Commenter

Alex

Location

Gold Coast

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 5:48PM

Of course, women have a monopoly on lowering the bar of what's acceptable from women.

Commenter

Switzerland

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 6:34PM

Love how all the fellas are saying it's the women's fault for being ice queens and unapproachable. Being cynical let me guess what women you were trying to approach. Fake. Try talking to us lovely charming ladies for a change look past the hair dye, fake nails and tan. I know you creatures are visual but give it a go. You might have better luck!

Commenter

Roxy

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 9:16PM

Although you try to sound objective, even if Mr sheen wasn't a twat, it wouldn't have mattered what he did or said. His hair (lack of) and height had already made up your mind. Let's be honest?

Commenter

really

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 9:48PM

There are men out and about that do not want to remove themselves from their own comforts. The only way they can maintain the status quo is to avoid getting involved. This gets worse the older a man gets.don't stress about the name calling. You are a cutie.

Commenter

Melbourne_boy

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 12:52AM

Too right, women will just have to get used to the fact that many of us just can't be bothered any more as what you gain from a relationship (eg sex once a week, weekends packed with lame functions and a new circle of compulsory, boring friends and 'family') is grossly outweighed by what you give up (eg control of music and tv, sleeping in, general freedom on weekends to do manly and fun activities with your divorced buddies). The prospect of a modern day relationship and its consequences is just too frightening for many men to feel motivated to attempt to penetrate the sheer hostility and the insults usually encountered in any interaction with an unknown woman in any public place.

Commenter

John Wayne

Location

Prahran

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 10:52PM

The syndrome of men not being bothered to chase partners and women being disinterested in the available choice has been happening in many developed countries. As our societies seemingly become more connected and communication becomes easier it appears we're increasingly growing separated. In Japan various surveys of young people suggest almost half are not in a relationship and are just not interested in starting one. The more toys, gadgets and other distractions we have the less we're interested in meeting a member of the opposite sex. It's sad really.

Commenter

Michael

Date and time

February 25, 2014, 1:13AM

To get the girl (or guy) you need to have 1) looks 2) charisma or 3) money. Try to have all three, or at least let them be works-in-progress. To be able to attract someone who won't resent you later on (for having the aforementioned 3 traits) you must be bold yet authentic. And always be unwilling to compromise in the big things yet always be open to compromise with the little things - unless of course there is make-sex to be had. Having a sense of humour always helps. Being bitter, nasty or full of hate....not so much :D

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