Feature

To the Alibi, With Love From the Right

Tea party figureheads share their message with the Alibi’s readers

By Maren Tarro

While I was having a pleasant afternoon with my father at the tea party in D.C., I was able to sit down with several of the rally’s speakers. I asked them what they wanted the Alibi’s readers to understand about the tea party’s message and what us liberals just weren’t getting. Most were more than happy to speak directly to you. Here is what they had to say:

Maren Tarro

George Washington

“I led one revolution against high taxes, and it’s time to do it again. That’s what these great patriots are here doing today.”

Maren Tarro

Ron Paul

While Dick Armey put his arm around us and warned Paul, “Be careful with this one; she’s one of those liberals!” Paul had this to say: “They (liberals) have been sold out by Obama; the progressive movement has been undermined. He does not defend their civil rights. He has not closed Guantánamo. What has he done to change the rules on marijuana?”

Maren Tarro

Greta Van Susteren

Greta Van Susteren refused to go on the record with the Alibi, saying, “I’m working right now.”

Maren Tarro

Michele Bachmann

Michele Bachmann repeatedly brushed me off, pushed past me and gave me several excuses as to why she couldn’t talk to me including “Sorry, constituents first,” “I’m on my way to talk to Greta” and “I really don’t have time for this.” She eventually resorted to looking at and talking to everyone except me and had a staff member plant himself between me and her.

Brad Jansen

Victoria Jackson

“The first thing I would say is ‘Why? Why are you liberals?’ Aren’t you worried, terrified that there’s a Communist in the White House?”

Maren Tarro

Tucker Carlson

“It’s time to stop dismissing them (tea partiers) as whackos. It’s time to start listening to what these people have to say and stop claiming they’re all kooks; there are kooks in every movement. It’s unfair to say about Obama supporters that they all hate the war, you know, so it’s unfair to things like we’re here because we hate women. You’ve got to take people more at face value.”

Maren Tarro

Lord Christopher Monckton

“There is a word for global warming: bullshit. Even if the global warming claims were true, it would take a quarter of a century of closing the entire carbon industry to forestall one degree Fahrenheit of global warming. If you look at the information available, which is exaggerated fivefold, if you look at it logically and really apply critical thinking, you’ll come to the same conclusion.”

Maren Tarro

Dick Armey

“We don’t want to be threatening or do any harm. We just want our country to be what it can be and what it will be again in the future.”

Maren Tarro

Neal Boortz

“My message is simple: Reclaim your ownership of yourself. You do not belong to the imperial federal government of the United States. You have a say, we all have a say, and that’s what we’re doing here today.”

Maren Tarro

Andrew Breitbart

“I was a dumb liberal once; I wrote for an alt.weekly. These people, the tea party, have done nothing wrong. They’re not racists. They just said ‘Kill the bill,’ so how dare the mainstream media impugn these people’s reputations. Oh, and enjoy those massage parlors you have listed in the back of your paper.”