Do you know when the 80’s died? The 80’s died when Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden cut his air, that was the official date for the death of pure Heavy Metal.

Not anymore!!! Lyzzard are bringing back the 80’s and Heavy Metal in the most savage possible way… with an album called savage! Even better when the reincarnation of Bruce Dickinson is shoving it in your face with a hammer.

You know it’s good when even Fenriz gets horny listening to this (yes THAT Fenriz).

There’s a lot of gay ass, faggoty sounding and just plain BOOORING death metal in this country. So much of it…but then there is this shit right here!

It feels so good to listen to this. Pestifer is a band that has no time for your gay shit, only for unstoppable death metal rage! Be it live or in the studio, Pestifer’s music will wipe the floor with your innards and put them back in through your butt.

Also, the cover takes me back to a simpler time, when conguitos were just good and not racist as fuck.

Ah yes! If you love extreme music and haven’t heard of this WHAT THE FUCKING KIND OF HUGE ROCK HAVE YOU BEEN LIVING UNDER????

For once in our pathetic history, something actually makes the rest of the world look in our direction and go: AWWWWWW YESH!!!! Analepsy’s atrocities is a massive ass raping album that you should masturbate to every night. Who needs a gf, am I right?

These stoner fellas came out of Lisbon somewhere and stumbled upon our way at Woodrock Festival. Fortunately for us, we were already hyped and anticipating their show due to the very sexy and very delicious “Lillith”, which we had heard prior to the festival.

They did not disappoint, so if you can, grab the album or catch one of their shows. High quality stoner material right here.

Do you like eerie piano music, sax, female vocals, all mixed with relentless black metal blasts? GOOD FOR YOU!!! Because this album has EVERYHTING YOU WANT! It’s like Akercocke, Nightbringer and a whole bunch of other awesome shit had a baby…and it’s beutiful…

LebaBvoid takes you for a most fulfilling trip with all manner of sounds thrown into the mix. This is a massive gem that seems to be overlooked in general, which is sad.

GO FUCK YOURSELF!!! Wait, wait, before you get offended, we are just saying the name of this next band in terms you will understand. Also, where we come from, saying “go fuck yourself” is equivalent to saying hello.

Vai-te Foder are the filthiest, smelliest lowlifes on this list and their music and live performances transpire just that.

Their latest masterpiece is not only a tremendous FUCK YOU to the old ear holes, but it will forever stand as a memorial to one of the most beautiful heavens that have ever materialized on this earth (RIP Fundo do Poço, in a few days though) as well as the absolute shit economic and political ambience of Portugal.

This is the saddest, most depressive album on the list. So if you are prone to suicide or just generally into being miserable, this is for you! We first met Redemptus as the first metal band ever to play at the ancient Rivoli theater in Porto. History was made that day!

They make history again with “Every Red heart Fades to Black”, a tremendous hammer of doom with some post sludginess spicing it up. Definitely worth the shekels.

I love how this album just oils you up ever so gently before…(turn to 2:46 on the album, yeah we’re making you hear this shit, otherwise the reading won’t work) oh my yes! Treat me bad, call me a whore and make me swallow that giant load of brutal death metal untill my balls explooooooode!

Grog have always been know as a band with big, fat, death metal balls and very hard to come by releases (there where only a thousand of these made) and “Ablutionary Rituals” restamps their balls on your chin.

The debut album from The Ominous Circle brings forth decaying misery mixed with a very blackened death metal, using very low tunings and morbid screams. The band seems to be catching the new wave of dark death metal in a devastating way.

These are very talented musicians with plenty of mileage on their speedometer and what follows is years of experience put together in a brutal disc. You know the expression “when you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back into you”? This album is the audio version of that concept.

That’s it for this year, Dick hasn’t told us yet if he’s doing his own tops but since he’s pretty lazy, don’t count on it too much.