Beginning of the year it was a low point once again in life, as the struggle of life had taken its toll.

2014 ended with me and my dad getting on a better track of life atleast I hope 🙂

I had so many issues the first couple months of heartache and trying to figure out what I need to do for my life,

Then after trading cars with dad, I decide I’m tired of trying to fix the one he gave me that had no payments, I needed to get a car with payments again.. Don’t get me wrong I like the car but because of the current situation I’m in. it’s a burden, but atleast this time its in my name, and I don’t screw family up.

From Jan, to about April that was the, I’m giving up stages I guess in a way, but I didn’t. From the wrath of 2014 I had to let things go, and I got my bathroom back in the process. (those who know me understand the cat struggle..) In May I had a loss of a friend, but gained a new friend and love, Amanda Dailey, who I had known previous a year just barley able to talk to her… nerves 😛

Amanda and I have been dating since that time, and we decided that we were going to have a kid… OOPS!!!

That’s where life got more interesting, once we found out so many thing’s have changed. Still getting to know each other has been a very interesting journey but we are doing it, and not looking at the bad but the positive from this point on and forward.

The Baby, Wyatt Nathaniel Thompson, as of this typing we have 97 more days till arrival. ITS SCARY THOUGHT.

So many things we still have to do and get. Then more struggle hits with her being on disability, and insurance disappearing… but 2016 it will be fixed.. Atleast it Better 😉

Even though some may think its a lot of negative, its a lot of positive, I wouldn’t change anything for the world.

The changes are for the better and the journey is never ending.

The stuff that happened in 2015

1. Getting a Kia soul.. Haha yes the hamster mobile, don’t believe the hype when it says its good on gas though. It may be because of a lead foot but I been good. 🙂

2. Getting rid of cats.. This was a important title of finally just giving up on waiting for the owner to get them, when they were abandoned with me and they were only supposed to be there a weekend… :s Cats i like to assume they are with new families now, and well taken care of. As I am allergic. 😮 stuff you do for who you thought was a friend I guess.

3.Loss of a friend. Patrick Mendez, man I met this guy and we hit it off, along with Chris Allen who was his buddy and brother its unfortunate that I diddnt get to know him for a lot longer than I wanted to but I will never forget the time that I had with him, and the jokes. RIP Superman Patrick

4. Loss of an Uncle well unfortunately I lost my uncle this year as well, he’s in a better place, but I wish I got to see him but I will remember him as he was not the last moments of his life, RIP Uncle Phillip, and Many prayers to my whole family, and his wife and kids 😦

5. Meeting of Amanda, Man this girl I been trying to ask out for over a year, and then on her birthday I have her cake and a thing of starbursts. From then on Going to the Beach, Vegas a few times, Camping, HAVING A KID!!!!!! Haha crazy. Still getting to know her everyday. ❤

6. Moving out of moms. I think that’s the hardest things I have done all this year cause I was scared to fail. Don’t get me wrong some moments I have the stress, luckily I have family that still helps me cause if wasn’t for them, I would be more of a struggle.

7. My co workers, I usually see this on the internet and never happen to me moment, but the first couple weeks me and Amanda being on our own we had no fridge, well my co workers came together and fixed that, truly grateful for every one of them that had helped us out. Along with a big thank you to Danny who helped even more with stuff we may need.

8. Obviously family, Everyone helped in the way they can. My Dad for everything he did to help get me to this point along with the donation of all his furniture basically. And the other stuff he’s done. My Mom and ED for being there right by my side when I need the help when they can as well.

9. Wyatt Nathaniel, even though he’s not in our arms yet, he’s been a big part of 2015 once we found out, and we got to see glimpse but we cannot wait to see more and have him in our arms and begin the new journey of being parents.

10. Coco, the little puppy that was needed of rescue, this little dog had been a handful, but she’s the newest addition to Amanda and my family. She’s a very needy dog haha and doesn’t know what she wants at times. Cant wait for her to meet her new baby brother and grow up with him just like I did with my old dog, who was also named Coco, just a different breed 🙂

That’s it that’s what I can say of 2015

Its just going to get better, more positive than negative, so until next time

Chris, Amanda, Coco, (Cooking Wyatt) wishes you all a happy new year and see you all next year. For Wyatt he will be here next year 😉

Mommy and I have come up with your name, If you are my baby girl, you will have the name, Brooklyn Grace Thompson. If you are my baby boy, You will have the name, Brody Allen Thompson.
We love you, we cannot wait to see what you are going to be.

We are at week 9 and 3 days, it won’t be until October before we know, but it no longer matters. We are ready for either.
Tomorrow we will be picking up your crib, so that will be fun.
Mommy and I are still looking for our own place, by the time you are here it will happen, so you never had to worry about that.
Your mom wants you to calm down, she misses food, and no longer likes any smell, but she will be fine.
Few kidney shots and roll overs but it’s minor on what you are doing to her. 🙂

Baby Thompson, remember you are our #1 priority, as a friend told me, it’s no longer about me, what I thought was important doesn’t mean anything, you are the most important person who will be in my life, besides your mother Amanda.
Family is everything, you will notice how crazy we all are.

Baby Thompson, your mom and I got to see you even clearer today, and we heard your heartbeat.
Your heartbeat is so strong, it was a blessing to know we had a little communication from you today.

We are both new right now, we are going to take some classes, and start learning more of the ropes on what is to come.
I promise you, you will be loved, My best Friend and soon to be Aunt Lauren can’t wait to meet you, she cried finding out from me on the status we got tonight.
Your Mommy’s friend Darian, is just the same she’s got so much planned for you its not even funny.. *haha yes it is*
So many friends are excited and family.

I just want you to know, I will never forget that sound, I love you and good night for now.

Hey, Baby Thompson.
I am your soon to be Dad, My Name is Chris Thompson and your Mommy’s name is Amanda Dailey, it’s crazy how everything has just now began.
We are both new to what we are going to experience but just know we are going to be ready.

I’m not much of a blogger but I will give you some details and pictures with hopes of you appreciating this one day.

Well today your Mom and I, went to see you for the very first time.
These past weeks it was still so new to us both. When I saw that blob of a picture I knew you were real, you are my Son or Daughter, as of right now we have no clue as you are our little mystery.

I want you to know that, soon as I found out I’m going to be a Dad, I will be honest I was scared, but I so far stepped up and I hope to be a proud parent you look up to one day.

Today is the first of blogs, and soon it will have every picture just to annoy you and your mom.

Right now you are a little raspberry,
But I’m proud to say that I love you and can’t wait to find out more about you.
No matter what Gender you are, you are loved
As of this entry, you have a lot of people waiting on you.

I will end it with this today, I will follow up tomorrow as your mom and I have a official visit to a doctor to see if there is more of you to see.

Now here I am again with another what you say blog of my day of Sunday?

Here goes, when I arrived at the church today, i noticed Rudy and his Wife wasn’t there yet. Usually i don’t like entering places when i still feel new to them, just the way i am i don’t like not knowing anybody.
Well im sitting in my car and the the pastor came up to my car window just to let me know which door was open so i thanked him and again i was just going to sit and wait. I decided il just go in, i mean what the heck its not going to kill me.. So the pastor was vacuuming i asked if i can help with anything he said no, so i sat down waited for Rudy and his wife to arrive for his class to start.
While sitting and waiting the pastor gives me the pamplet of what is on todays agenda, then i noticed questions, so i decided that is going to be my topic today, then il end it with the exerts? of what happened at the end of my day.

First question that was asked.
In what ways are you struggling with God?
Well unfortunately im still struggling on believing in faith still, i don’t not believe something is there. However sometimes i feel i may disrespect people on what i believe, yes i may believe in a higher being, but on certain subjects, im going to have to just bite my tongue and just pretend.. I don’t pretend that there is no God, that’s not at all im saying, so let me just throw that out there and for you not to get but hurt, k thanks 😉
Im struggling with the dude and my faith, so that’s why im here, that’s why i started doing these blogs, and going to answer questions if i see them fit, or just babble on what i may have picked up in today’s lesson.

Second question that was asked.
What areas have you felt like given up?
Well i felt like giving up on life, sometimes i feel like i cant handle my own struggles with it, but doesn’t mean im going to off myself or someone else. Its just my feeling that i haven’t accomplished anything and maybe i feel the weight of the world has been put on my shoulders? I haven’t given up on life since i am still here to type this and write my chicken scratched into typing.So earlier i tried answering this question and it was the same setup then i found myself with another question not in the playbook.
Why not? Why dont i feel like i accomplished anything, why am i asking myself questions in a question? Is this even normal? Maybe it is but again im still new at this.
I know deep down i havent given up on life, due to the simple fact, i know I have a purpose and until i find it, i will have my challenges along the way
“You’re in quest for more, to find the core, you’re journeys never over, You’re quest is your purpose go on” (Avantasia song quote) Makes sense to me i suppose.
So i need to *Change* my way of thinking, just to change my way of life, because i don’t want to keep living the way i am right now.
So for now i will have to work on this, don’t judge me.

So the third question that was on the page.
What do i need to admit about myself?
Well this is how i take this question so just go with it.
Maybe i need to just admit that i can be wrong, but i could also be right. I need to stop always thinking the negative, BUT heres the flaw to sometimes the way i think, i may over think things, but its my gut and honestly i haven’t been wrong yet.
I admit i have a issue on trusting people, i admit i trust people so much where i let them walk over me, but i don’t wanna say i expected anything in return, but being used sucks.
I talk down on myself, i really need to stop doing that, but ive done it for so long i just started believing that’s what i am. I have an anger issue that flares up constantly and yet i wanna control it, 7 out of 10 chance im going to be in a angry mood for the rest of the day. usually over something very stupid.
I have a bad habbit on impulse buying, usally when im depressed i wanna buy things. How am i supposed to grow up and move out if i keep doing this? WTF is wrong with me? that’s another issue.Im sure this question just like every other question wanted a different point in the matter but this is how i deal and accept it for now. deal with it yourself thanks.

Final question of the day was,
Will i let Christ give me a new identity?
Well not to hurt anyone’s feelings with this question but this is still in a limbo state, im working on the changes of my life. One day at a time, so let me find what i find my faith in and i will answer your question again maybe sometime down the road, but i wont have a complete answer. Just know im still here thanks.

So my Exerts on random writing comes to play even more since i was given a note pad to write my so called notes.
Wont let go of myself as im still breathing I wont give up, i will try not to cause danger to myself or anyone, not that i have anytime soon
So they said the word Discipline yet when we hear it, it sounds bad. I shouldn’t think of it as talking down to me or getting in trouble, but its like something that gets me through the day, like a plan thats like a map out for my day.
We have what we need always, but its the material thinks we want and yet say we need, Just for the record i wanted and need food on a daily basis.

I shouldn’t think i have two choices in life, with the Ups and Downs that i go through, the middle is where i need to stay and be strong about, be level headed on whats going on around me
Also how many times do i have to give up on opportunities, when it can change my life for the better? i will turn things down, because i feel safe in the position im in, yet struggle with not liking the position im in. double negative.. go figure.
Also Just because you or I was promised something, doesn’t mean your not going to get it, just like a act of that word prayer, just because its not answered the moment you ask, doesn’t mean its not going to be answered, doesn’t have to be now, doesn’t have to be this life time. Just know it will happened one day.
Unless that company goes into default then you are screwed just saying…..

Just have to keep fighting, even on my last breath i know i cant give up, and wont. No matter how many times i wanted to, i have over come the odds.. So go with it.
Just because someone is pushing me down and doesn’t mean im not out of this game we call life.
See thats just it Life is a Game and its how we play it, We have to know what it takes to win by losing.
Just because you lost in a game of chess, or that Xbox game doesn’t mean you failed, just try harder.
I cant speak for those who lost a limb, but i know some people dont feel like they lost in life, they found another way to battle and win this game of life.
Its one of those sayings just because i speak what i want, I have to Live by what i say, to make others believe im on the right path of whatever stone i walk on.

So after i wrote all this, i had a discussion with those close to me.
I asked my own set of questions, and the answers i got, kinda made me rethink on what i was saying earlier.
Hard to believe that, even though it may not look like it, but im very observant. Sometimes when i ask questions, as i felt today i was in the wrong since i don’t know these people.
I asked the simple question why cant you do things this way, why are there so little of people in this place?
It comes down to CHANGE. nobody is ready for it we are all hell bent on our ways and it sucks, I say that because i don’t know what has gotten into me, i see so many changes that id like to take place just so id like to keep coming here. but when i find others don’t want that. it just one of those Life hurtles.
I guess i shouldnt give up on the subject. i know i don’t have any right to tell them how to run things.. i understand that, but if i don’t ask, or do, i feel in my heart there is no way for this place to just keep going as it is.
I understand there isnt a lot of people there that can help with things, Old generation and new, i grew up with technology, Yet im ok with a book, but this is the new age where we need to let that go once in awhile..
To catch a audience you need to keep things fresh, just because you have done the same thing for 100s of years, doesn’t mean its going to work today. Plain and simple

So what can i do for this church? well its hard as i don’t have a lot of people in my life that will even give a church a thought, yet i am? was? the same way… but i never disbelieved anything, but don’t quote me on that as i know ive said it..

I want to see this place keep going, the people in here seem very friendly, im just one person with a view and a opinion, which is it valid?

Thanks for another thought session, that’s what i will call these things..

You know, I must be crazy thinking I can let my wall of feelings come down for you.
I may not be the brightest person, but I am smart and I observe pretty well. I don’t like to be played with, or be used. Yes I said it now I’m feeling used, why well its simple.
When one thought they were on the same page then communication goes out the window, what am I supposed to think. Yes we have busy lives, yes we work a lot, but you can’t pickup the phone and call someone? Or even text.
It’s all good, but when you have time to talk to others, you get the hint it’d over, it’s not like we may have been together. .

We have our flaws some more than others. I’m done sitting around waiting by the phone, one day you may want to talk, but realise I won’t be here to take that call, I’ve been told I’m a nice guy, well this nice guy is tired of people’s attitudes and lack of respect.

I am free as this post may end, it’s my random thoughts of the night. I just wanna say I’m tired of feeling like crap and used…
I say goodbye

I don’t usually go to church, but today I did. I decided to ask my friend and coworker Rudy.
He was all excited, where i was little uneasy. I think its because i don’t have a lot of faith in much of anything these days. All I can think about is, why am I here, from others i hear its because *GOD* brought me here, well i took the choice, so right now I’m still leery on believing anything. I do believe in karma, Ive seen it first hand, and things do happen for a reason. How am I supposed to grasp on someone who i cant see to exist, but everyone else who has faith says they do?

Today I showed up to Rudy’s, I was welcomed into his home by himself and his lovely Wife, where we waited for her to get ready. We then headed to his church, to start out my Sunday, where I thought I wasn’t going to have any fun.
While I was at his church listening, my mind wondered off to observing, what was going on around me and had my own questions of what I wanted to ask.

Why were there so very little people in this church? The one’s who were attending enjoyed every min of it, but again its so few for such a big church. I wanted to know what was the reason, Is this place poorly promoted to the point where nobody cares? That cant be since its been opened for apparently 22 years they must have been doing something right, right?

Looking around with the children in attendance, i cant help but see myself with one particularly little boy.
I saw myself in this kid in so many levels, My question is what can grab the attention of today’s youth to get them involved in something fun, or something like church? You cant just assume a kid is ready to listen and believe in something other than the fact there parents do.
This kid was being hounded by his big sister to pay attention, where he didn’t want to be there, i know the signs, THAT WAS ME! The head on the back of the chair, laying down, being annoyed, the poor kid was bored, he needed someone to enlighten him. Who can do that? Who has that kind of power. I never had that, at least i haven’t had that feeling while at church. I always felt i was bored at the church i grew up in, so i don’t wanna see this kid go down my path.
The little girl was no saint, i guess you can say, she was all into it in the beginning next thing you know shes on the floor coloring, and bored, again why have them in the adult portion of church, if they cant grasp on the message to move them. Just because only a few kids show up doesn’t mean they have to sit with the grownups, let them have the kid experience with church with fun games to learn about God. So I still have my question how can you grab that attention? As they say our youth is our future.

When hearing the first part of church, how Rudy gave me a warm welcome, even though I knew him and he introduced me and everything, I was welcomed it was nice, I wasn’t judged for any reason, i was even on my best behavior. So even though i knew him, How can this church send a positive message to someone off the streets, again it brings up how can you bring more people, if a stranger comes off the street he or she will need a great message for them to stay right? At least that’s how i feel, I’m giving things a chance just to try, so i hope others can do the same for this place, Maybe there is a reason I showed up, I can be the change? But I need to be changed first before anything else begins.

I feel like I know how to bring people in, but i don’t have the power for them to stay. In this place i don’t know why but i kept thinking of ways to even improve it, so this change, are people willing? or even ready.
They have a great duo of music, but it can me much better, need to bring it in with more light for the fire thats already burning, dont just let it fall on just 2 individuals, again, I’m not hating, its just my observation. Using one of them old school prompters to show lyrics to sing to, where you pull the sheets off and change them every second, it gets annoying to watch, and nobody will get into it if they are new. In my opinion it was hard to follow, and i gave up and just listened to them sing and play.
The talk today how i remember bits and pieces, i think of my own journey through things, everyone has a bible to read, people can get the messages and live by it, I’m not knocking the book, but its hard for me to read something i can barley follow. I love music, i get a lot from it, so its the same as there book.
Its one of them things i will make a change to start.

So how can you keep me interested? How can you make someone stay in a place with so few people yet big hearts. How can i not drift away from this new place?
Thats the million dollar question, to a answer i do not have right now.

I can say how they can run things, but will it work? Will my input be relevant? I’m nobody, just a stranger off the streets first day in this church. Yet Ive started this blog because of it. So is it because i want to help? Is this some kind of new thing that I’m wanting to try? maybe for now i guess only i will know right? Are we ready for actual change?

We all have our own issues we deal with everyday, We don’t like letting our skeletons out of the closet, where we may feel like we need someone to talk to, but don’t want to be judged,or feel like we are going to get judged.
How can you know what people go through? Unless you walk in their shoes you will never know, you can assume what is going on, but you will never know how they truly feel, just because two people have the same issue, doesn’t mean they are the same, doesn’t mean you can treat them exactly the same, because nobody is the same, everyone handles things their own way. So we will never know how someone feels, even walking in there own shoes. Just be there for someone,
So that stranger you meet on the streets don’t judge them, You just don’t know what there going through that day.

Well that’s it, don’t hate my first blog, especially when i don’t do these things at all that often…