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May 31, 2012

Game Plan Redux

I feel like I've written 3 or 4 times before about what "the plan" was. And then it changed. It always changes. So this is me, re-stating the plan. The new-new-new-plan. Let's hope it actually follows through.

My post-op appointment went well - no crying, no freaking out. I'm in a very good place right now, mentally. But then, I am taking very good care of myself. I hid my pregnant facebook friends, I refuse to linger over pregnant women in public or entertain any of my "woe is me" thought patterns. Life is good right now and I know that even if we don't have a baby, there will be other good things eventually. Matt will get a job someday and we will be able to get a house and a dog. I have my wonderful family and my thankfully non-pregnant and mostly single IRL friends. There is a good chance if I have a baby, it will not be incredibly out of sync with the rest of my close peer group. I have my crafts and hobbies and there are many ways I am constantly trying to improve myself. I have a very full life without children so far and there is no reason to think that ever needs to change.

I can only pray that I stay this even keeled. Dr. B informed me we can go back to TTC in 4 weeks or after my next AF, whichever comes later. Its so much easier to stay calm when I'm not actively trying. I did pull out my thermometer again. I thought temping without charting would be a good way to get my feet wet. Good to get back into the useful habit while leaving out the bad, obsessive habit of staring at my chart, willing it to tell me what it all means.

We still don't know if the surgery has helped. We won't know until I either spontaneously start cycling on my own or I go back on clomid and they can measure my response. There is that scary statistic hanging over my head: 20% of women experience no measurable effect from the surgery. ::sigh:: Well, it would be nice to have such a definitive answer.

I'm sorry I haven't been as active lately. Not posting as much and not commenting as much either. I am lurking though, keeping up to date with all your goings on, I promise.

Here's hoping that you're part of the 80%! (80% are great odds! I would totally bet on you.) While you're waiting, do whatever you need to do to keep yourself as healthy and happy as you can. And while you're waiting, I'll be keeping my fingers crossed that the surgery worked just like it should.