Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I’ve
known of Liquid Nitro for a while, but I have not for the life of me been able
to find it until recently, when I decided to stop by a random, out-of-the-way
gas station.Here on the Western
side of the U.S., finding it’s a fluke.Open question to readers: any of you live anywhere where it’s
commonplace?

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

As
with the original, I find the simplicity to convey a firm yet understated
confidence that I find quite appealing—if you’re confident enough in your
product that that you don’t need to shriek it out to get my attention, then I
would say you’ve earned it.

TASTE—7

I
had the same experience with Liquid Nitro Low Carb as I did the original in
that after I opened the can, I just stood there sniffing it for a minute or so
before drinking it.The smell is
complex and very appealing—Red Bull clone to be sure, but much more delicate,
and almost floral.It’s so
intriguing that it’s almost a letdown to find out that it’s your
run-of-the-mill Red Bull clone, maybe with a hint or two of the herbs in the
proprietary blend.It’s better
than most of the Wired Red Bull clones, but at the same time falls far, far
short of what the scent led me to expect.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—8

At
least in terms of energy, Liquid Nitro Low Carb doesn’t disappoint.In the 16 oz. size, it provides a very
satisfactory degree of energy with only marginal jitters.

KICK
(DURATION)—8

The
effects lasted for the better part of three and a half hours, with only enough
of a worn-out feeling after the fact to make me wonder whether I was crashing.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7.67

I
have to say I was a little disappointed with Liquid Nitro Low Carb—and it’s all
because of that dang scent.It’s
so intriguing, but in the end, it’s coming from something so standard that it’s
really quite disheartening.That
said, the herb nuances I detected in the flavor will appeal to some people,
even if I found that it didn’t fit with the Red Bull clone mold.If you can get your hand on a can, try
it at least once, and let me know your thoughts—I’m sure that the resulting
diversity of opinions will prove interesting.

This
was one of those finds I made stopping on a whim at an out-of-the-way gas
station—you know, the kind that more often than not yields nothing, but
occasionally turns up something I’ve never so much as heard of before.This was the last can of the original
flavor; other than that there were two really beat-up 16 oz. cans of the low
carb version, plus one that was in good enough shape to add to my can
collection.Picked up both.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

I
like the simplicity of the older look; much like Red Bull conveys a silent but
certain confidence that makes it very hard to ignore.The newer one (see the pic of the big can) I like about as
much, just in a different way—more in the way I like Monster’s packaging now
than Red Bull’s.

TASTE—7

This
is one of those flavors that I’m going to go on an on about only to say I have
mixed feelings on it.Popping the
top, I took a whiff—and another, and another.I didn’t drink it for about a minute or so because I was so
busy smelling it.It’s very
intriguing—like Red Bull, but delicate and complex—things I never thought I’d
say about the smell of an energy drink.Tasting it, it’s more of a fairly standard Red Bull clone—heavier than
the original enough that I wanted to dock a point.There are some nuances of the herbal constituents of the
proprietary blend (the fact that it’s made in Jamaica opens doors to all kinds
of jokes there, but I will refrain…), which I liked but found to clash with the
semi-cheap Red Bull clone flavor.Some people are going to think it’s wonderful, others aren’t going to
care for it at all—it’s just going to be one of those things that depends
entirely upon the person.

8.4
OZ. CAN

KICK
(INTENSITY)—6.5

Kick’s
not bad for a shrimpy can.It’s
enough of a boost to be considered useful for less demanding energy situations,
which I find I experience at least as often as the more demanding ones.

KICK
(DURATION)—6.5

I
got just shy of three hours here—so not shabby.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—6.67

I
would have seen more of a kick, but all things considered I can’t complain
about the 8.4 oz. can all that much.At the very least buying it will provide an interesting flavor
experience, and I recommend that you try it for yourself if you can get it.

16
OZ. CAN

KICK
(INTENSITY)—8

About
the same as you’d get out of most any variety of Monster or other standard
energy drink—pretty good, but I would love something that went at least a
little beyond the norm.

KICK
(DURATION)—8

Three
and a half hours, no crash.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7.67

Not
the best energy drink in the world, but not the worst, either.Like I said, try it if you can get it,
and leave your comments below.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

I’ve
heard good things about Ironclad, so it came as a surprise when it turned up at
Big Lots this last week.For those
of you who are unaware as to why I would find this paradoxical, allow me to
educate you: Big Lots serves as a sort of energy drink graveyard.While I’ve had the occasional good find
there, (i.e. the highly underrated Monster Energy—Heavy Metal), it is largely
stocked with drinks that range from the mediocre likes of the True Colors and
Rip It lines to colossal failures like X Games Energy and Buy This Energy Drink, Help Kids—Lemon Lime.As I
did with all those, I bought both flavors of Ironclad that they were offering
there and am here to report to you on the first.

CAFFEINE
CONTENT

154
mg

EASE
IN ACQUISITION—2

Fairly
uncommon for the time being.Not
sure if that will be changing.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Ironclad—Goji
Berry has some good things going for it in terms of packaging—I like the
insignia, and I like the generally tough look of the thing, which makes it
appropriate for a gym setting (this is, after all, a hydration drink).Fact of the matter remains, however,
that I don’t like bare aluminum.

TASTE—9

Popping
open the can, I decided to take a whiff and see if I could ascertain what I was
getting myself into.After the
first sniff, all I could think was “ah, crap”—it really didn’t smell all that
good; kind of like fermented berries if anything.Taking a sip, however, produced a very different experience,
and the smell did not interfere in the least (contrast this with NX—Speed Freak
or NX—Lean & Mean, which both made me feel like I was getting rotten mango
pulp shoved up my nose every time I tried to drink them).The flavor is complex—kind of a
slightly earthy cranberry with less tang and a hint of cherry.It was a light and refreshing
experience; whatever the reason for its showing up at Big Lots, it’s not
because of the taste.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—8.5

Kick
is fairly stout, considering the caffeine content.I found it to be a solid, productiveness-promoting sort of
boost, more than enough to help you get lots done around the house, and excellent
for a trip to the gym for some lifting.

KICK
(DURATION)—8.5

In
a fashion similar to the Monster Rehab line, the peak lasted about an hour,
after which there was a tapering off to a lesser energy level.Total time amounted to somewhere south
of four hours.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—8.67

I
hope that its appearance at Big Lots doesn’t actually spell the end for
Ironclad—Goji Berry, because I frankly think it deserves a widespread clientele.It’s refreshing and it’s effective, and
I recommend it without hesitation.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Buy
This Energy Drink, Help Kids—Lemon Lime is a drink put out by the charity
Sheetz for Kidz, with 25 cents from each sale going towards the organization’s
cause.If you want to know more,
look it up.I just want to get out
there before I begin my mighty hammering of this drink.

No,
I don’t have a problem with Sheetz, but I do have a problem with this
drink.It’s bad enough that if I
were made a chief administrator of the organization tomorrow, I would rename it
Buy This Energy Drink, Or Help
Kids—make it a choice between drinking it or donating to Sheetz.I think they’d get a lot more revenue
coming in that way, at least if other’s experiences were like my own.That out of the way, let’s get started!

CAFFEINE
CONTENT

Unknown—but
it’s got to be on the low end of things.

EASE
IN ACQUISITION—1

This
was a Big Lots acquisition.More
than many energy drinks, I think it deserves to be there.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—1

This
is the first of many failures when it comes to this drink.It doesn’t even try to be
appealing—just slaps the ‘name’ of the drink on the front with some truly
noxious coloration.Looking at it
you can almost tell that the only reason you’d even think about buying it would be to donate indirectly to the
organization.

TASTE—1

Much
as I hate to admit it, my two-and-a-half year old son likes a drink called Hog
Wash, which is essentially a mix of water, high-fructose corn syrup, and
dye.Most of the time when I’m
out, I can convince him to drink something healthier—but sometimes he is insistent
on the Hog Wash.

This
drink reminds me of Hog Wash (though I think even my son would turn it down),
just a conglomeration of industrial-grade chemicals made into a drink.It is overly sweet, it is fake tasting,
and it is gross.I don’t mind
Sheetz putting out an energy drink per se, but to put out a drink so bad as a
compensation for donating is almost seems insulting (Ha ha!Got you to donate!SUCKER!!!).

KICK
(INTENSITY)—5

Kick’s
pretty crappy, also.Only enough
to notice, and maybe take the edge off the cravings coming from a caffeine
addiction.

KICK
(DURATION)—5

Lousy!

THE
DRINK OVERALL—3.67

Don’t
buy this energy drink, but do help kids.If the Sheetz charity appeals to you, follow the link below; or, find
another charity that you feel inclined to help out.Donate.Volunteer.Do
something.But don’t buy this energy drink.

I
like that the orange of Storm Surge is flashier than the red of the original
(which almost faded completely into the background on the shelves), but as a
whole it’s still not all that impressive (incidentally, I still don't get the pinstripes).

TASTE—6

I
wasn’t wowed by the taste here.Passion fruit serves as the primary inspiration, though there are
muddled hints of orange and maybe mango—almost like Amp (which I was not fond
of either), except not nearly as sweet.It’s the sort of thing that made me wish I had a NOS.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—7

Storm
Surge delivers a decent, mid-range kick—the sort you’d look for if you were tired
(but not exhausted) and needed a moderate boost.Its use is therefore limited, but plenty adequate for those
circumstances.

KICK
(DURATION)—7

Three
hours or so passed before the caffeine wore off, after which there was a mild
crash, though not a deal-breaking one.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—6.67

As
I said, I’ll be sticking with NOS, but if you’re looking for an inexpensive
alternative to Amp, give Red Rain—Storm Surge a whirl.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

This
is the first in a series of reviews of Redline energy drinks.In this case, the review applies to the
full bottle—which is something that won’t apply in subsequent reviews.Read on for details.

CAFFEINE
CONTENT

316
mg

EASE
IN ACQUISITION—6

Finding
Redline products isn’t all that difficult, but it does help if you know where
to look.I find it’s more common
at specialty chains like GNC and what not more than places like gas stations
and Wal-Mart, though I have seen them on occasion at both of those.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Not
a whole lot needs to be said here—design is about as basic as they come,
but—it’s recognizable as a Redline beverage.And in this case, that’s all that really counts.

TASTE—6

When
it comes to really serious energy drinks like this, taste is frequently a
secondary consideration.This is
about what I expected when I cracked open the bottle and started sipping, and
in some ways, that’s what I got.The first half of the flavor experience is pleasant—it actually tastes
like limeade.The second half,
however, you get a mouthful of bitter, medicinal, artificial sweetener-laden
aftertaste—quite enough to turn me off.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—10+

Redline’s
one of those drinks that I knew of well before I started reviewing energy
drinks—in just about every circle in which energy drinks would be consumed,
it’s reputation for singular potency precedes it.

Reading
the proprietary blend listed on the back/side, I can believe it.There are a number of ingredients in
this drink that I haven’t seen in others, including an extract of the herb
yohimbe, which is betimes employed in botanical circles as a treatment for
erectile dysfunction.A conversation
I don’t particularly want to have:

ACQUAINTENCE:So, how’d that Redline work for ya?

ME: IT GAVE ME ERECTIONS!!!

Anyway,
recommended serving’s four ounces—so half the bottle.I started off with that, and got a pretty decent buzz.Then I decided, “You know what?I think I could handle more.”So…I went ahead and took down the rest of it, which turned
out to be a mistake.Redline’s a
creeper—the effects aren’t immediately obvious, but build over the course of a
half hour or so.Once that time
frame passed, I was left with a kick that was legitimately insane—I was bounding from task to task, wrapping up projects in
about half the normal time just because it was so dang uncomfortable to sit still.

Trust
me on this—four ounces will do you just fine.

KICK
(DURATION)—10+

So…as
though it weren’t enough that it was so dang strong, the effects of the full
bottle kept me going for about ten hours.Yeah, you read right—ten hours of insane energy.What on earth does anybody need to go
that strong for that long for?Unless you’re creating the heavens and the earth, I’ll say it once again­­—half a bottle will work just fine.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—9.33

If
you’re going to drink Redline, go ahead—but
drink half the bottle.I will
be reviewing Redline beverages based on what the recommended serving delivers—because
drinking the full eight ounces is just nuts.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Found
at all (so far as I am aware) Fred Meyer stores…and others, apparently.But I’m not sure about those.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

White
can, brown dots/logo—I suppose that this is appropriate, given the vanilla
nature of this drink, but apart from noting the appropriateness of the color
scheme, the can elicits no real response from me.

TASTE—7

I
can almost guarantee that you will either absolutely love or absolutely hate
this drink. I’ve never had
anything of the sort—vanilla seltzer water?Vanilla seems like something more appropriate for ice cream
or soymilk or something like that—but seltzer
water?To be perfectly honest,
it didn’t offend me in the slightest…but I did find it very, very, very odd.For the time being, I’m just going to give it a passing
grade, if for nothing else other than having the balls go and to do something
like vanilla seltzer water.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—8

Kick’s
not bad.It’s not the most exciting
thing in the world, but it’s fairly smooth and provides some jitters—at the
very least, it will wake you up.

KICK
(DURATION)—8

Three
and a half hours.No crash.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7.67

I’m
not going to recommend or not recommend this drink.If you want something that works, then sure, I can tell you
that this works. But as far as
flavor is concerned, it’s so strange that I’m not especially comfortable saying
“yay” or “nay”.If you’re feeling
brave, try it once.You may never
again, but…at least you’ll have tried.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

This
is a relatively new beverage, and as such it is (at least for the time being)
relatively uncommon.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

In
times past, I’ve made it clear that I am quite partial to purple; more than any
other color it has the potential to make things look awesome—if properly
executed.In the case of X Berry
Rush, it isn’t.It has the same
strange, quasi-feminine flame pattern as Wired X Passion Fruit, only with a
sort of fuchsia background and a strange brass color for the flames.If X Passion Fruit had the appearance
of what hell would look like if the devil were female, X Berry Rush has the
appearance of what hell would look like if the devil were female and was partial to 70’s color schematics.

TASTE—6

Wired
X Berry Rush has a generic, unconvincing, chemical-y berry taste.The only thing noteworthy is the
presence of the flavor of watermelon (curious, because last I checked,
watermelon wasn’t a berry—correct me if I’m wrong, botanists).

KICK
(INTENSITY)—7.5

Kicks
alright, but for the most part, it consists of jitters (courtesy of the large
quantity of b-vitamins employed in the proprietary blend).Personally, I like my energy drinks to
have a little more substance to their kick, so X Berry Rush left me feeling
pretty unimpressed.

KICK
(DURATION)—7.5

Ballpark
of three hours, 15 minutes.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7

Wired
X Berry Rush is another subpar entry to a line of largely (notice I didn’t say exclusively or anything of the sort)
subpar energy drinks.There are
stronger, better tasting berry energy drinks out there; far to many to waste
time with Wired X Berry Rush.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Around
here, available at Safeway stores—but haven’t seen it outside of there.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

Outside
the nifty lookin’ brain, I’m not too impressed by the packaging here.I suppose I have to admit it works,
given the nature of the drink, but still a little lackluster.

TASTE—6

Didn’t
like this one quite as much as I did the red berry flavor.The orange is pretty standard, and,
worst of all, I can taste the stevia.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—5

If
you’re looking for a serious caffeine boost, Nawgan isn’t the way to go. Granted, it isn’t really meant to be
drank as a hardcore energy supplement—the star ingredient in this drink is Cognizinciticoline, a compound alleged to aid in concentration.The actual kick is fairly weak, but
odds are that not-sleepy students and those sorts of people will appreciate it.

KICK
(DURATION)—5

Short
lived—shy of two hours.Hardly
enough for a long afternoon of studying.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—5.33

In
the end, I wasn’t very impressed with Nawgan—Orange.Unless you’re really into tame stuff and don’t mind the
taste of stevia, I’d recommend passing it over.

Nawgan
doesn’t really do a whole lot for me—it’s just a white can with a brain on
it.Appropriate, I suppose, given
that it’s a ‘help-you-think’ sort of beverage (owing to the presence of a
compound the makers of Nawgan call Cognizinciticoline), but it
still elicits no response from me.

TASTE—7

Standard
red berry fare (mostly raspberry, but with strawberry to mellow out the
tartness…you know the drill), but impressive for the fact that you can’t taste
the stevia.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—5

You
know, it probably would have been smart of me to drink this when I was about to
study rather than when I was almost dead on my feet—maybe I would have been
able to perceive some brain-boosting functions.As was, I found that the experience amounted to an
underwhelming degree of alertness.

KICK
(DURATION)—5

What
little I got only lasted about an hour and 45 minutes—not impressive.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—5.67

I
wasn’t terribly impressed with Nawgan—Red Berries, but then again, I was
employing it in the sort of situation for which the drink was not necessarily
made.I can see it being helpful
if I find myself in a situation in which I’m not extraordinarily drowsy and am
in need of a slight boost, but other than that, I’d stick with something
stronger.

Haven’t
seen this or any other Red Rain product outside of Dollar Tree; check there if
interested.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—6

The
bright colors give this can make it so it doesn’t fade into the background so
badly as Red Rain; still, the plain can (other than the pinstripe) doesn’t do a
whole lot for me.

TASTE—7

The
can calls this drink “cherry limeade”, so that’s about what I expected.The first swig tasted like maraschino
cherry syrup—and all I could think was “Ick!”The cherry flavor mellowed out, however, and soon I wasn’t
minding the drink so much.It wasn’t
life-changing, mind you, but it was still passable.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—7

About
average, but at the same time, not so painfully standard as to cause me
offense.It isn’t the strongest
pick-me-up, but it should get the job done for your day-to-day requirements.

KICK
(DURATION)—7

Effects
last around three hours.No crash.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7

I
wasn’t wowed by Red Rain Downpour, but at the same time, I didn’t dislike it.If you’re not needing a huge boost and
like cherry limeade, give Red Rain Downpour a shot—it’s not all that bad for a
buck.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

This
is another drink I found at Dollar Tree.So far as I’m aware, this is a store with a very steady inventory (vs.
that of Big Lots, which is constantly shifting), so check there if interested.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—5

This
is the sort of energy drink that is very easy to look over, especially to the
casual energy drink seeker—mostly because it doesn’t much look like one; I only
recognized it as one because I was on the hunt for new acquisitions, and am in
the habit of double-checking these sorts of things.Anyway, red can with blue pinstripe design doesn’t really
scream ‘energy drink’ to me, and probably won’t to most anyone else.

TASTE—7

Red
Rain is a Red Bull clone, but it truly isn’t a bad one.It tastes cleaner than most (take Wired
for instance), and leans more towards being sour than anything else.It does have a bitter medicinal
aftertaste that kind of reminded me of Red Bull, but other than that, I found
myself drinking a Red Bull clone and not feeling antagonized at the fact—which
hasn’t happened in a long time.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—7

Red
Rain’s caffeine content is fairly modest (same as an Amp), so you can expect a
boost that’s pretty typical of drinks in that category—it’ll wake you up, and
even make you slightly jittery for a bit, but it won’t really produce anything
memorable.

KICK
(DURATION)—7

Effects
were discernable for about three hours, after which there was a wearing off,
but no crash.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7

In
the end, Red Rain was an average energy drink experience, but not so
deliberately so that I felt affronted by it.If you’re into Red Bull clones and aren’t looking for a huge
boost, I’d give Red Rain a shot.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

I’m
going to apologize in advance for the bare-bones nature of this review, but I
think it’s appropriate, given the fact that this is a bare-bones energy
drink.I have almost nothing to say about it; it is unremarkable in just about
every sense of the word; the best I can say is that it at least tastes better
than most of the other Archer Farms energy drinks.If that’s all you need to hear, great—because that’s about
all there is that needs saying.For the sake of completion, however, I’m going to follow my usual review
format.Let my inability to really
find anything to say about it stand as a witness against it.

CAFFEINE
CONTENT

70
mg

EASE
IN ACQUISITION—7

If
you can find a Target, you can find Archer Farms—Sugar Free Cherry Citrus, or
any Archer Farms energy drink, for that matter.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—7

Passable
store-brand energy drink fare—colors are nice and deep (a plus, even if I don’t
particularly like pink), layout is plain but still clean enough that I can’t be
too critical.

TASTE—7

I
guess I have to say that I don’t mind the flavor—it’s almost like cherry 7-Up,
but not nearly as sweet.Still, it’s
not something so delicious that I’m going to be taking it down by the case on a
daily basis.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—3

Virtually
nonexistent.

KICK
(DURATION)—3

The
drink was so weak as to be almost imperceptible—how am I supposed to know how
long it worked?

THE
DRINK OVERALL—4.33

Drink
for the taste if the description appeals to you, not for the kick—because you
won’t get one.

Found
principally at health food stores and natural foods sections at grocery stores.

APPEARANCE/PRESENTATION—8

With
its Amazonian native/jungle theme and enough certified organic/fair trade
certified/etc. stamps to satisfy the most diehard of natural food lovers, this
is the sort of thing that fits right in at health food stores…and appears
decidedly out of place in my energy drink can collection.I personally like it, mostly because
the guy holding up the mate cup reminds me of myself when I’m taking down a
favorite energy drink—as though saying, “CAFFEINE!Frick YES!”

TASTE—6

This
is absolutely a love-it-or-hate it
sort of energy drink—and unfortunately, at the moment I’m leaning towards the
“hate” end of the spectrum.I’m
perfectly okay with earthy beverages—just read my reviews of the Monster Rehab
line and Rockstar Iced if you have any doubts about that (great…now I’m craving
a lemonade Rehab).The problem
here is that Revel Berry is all about the earthiness of the yerba mate, and not
the actual flavor—I don’t think I caught much more than a hint of berry amongst
what tasted like liquefied Amazonian soil.If you can drink stuff that tastes like this, more power to
you.If I’m in the mood for
healthy energy, I’ll be sticking with Viso.

KICK
(INTENSITY)—7.5

All
that aside, Revel Berry’s 150 mg of caffeine makes for a decent boost—not too
in-your-face or jittery, just a really nice, natural-feeling boost.

KICK
(DURATION)—7.5

Effects
lasted a ballpark of three hours, with not a crash to speak of.

THE
DRINK OVERALL—7

If
this tasted a little better, this is something I could see myself enjoying for
your run-of-the-mill, day-to-day energy requirements.If you 1) like healthy stuff, 2) find yourself in need of
that sort of energy, 3) don’t mind the taste of soil, this just might be the
drink to fit your niche.