Now you see him, now you don’t

I was having a bad day, today, thinking a recurring thought…everybody gets to see my ex, except me. My children spend quality time with him regularly, and of course his parents and sister are still a part of his life.

People generally have no idea that when a spouse leaves, there are so many different things that cause pain beyond not seeing that spouse, anymore. The kids tell you about the things they’ve done with him. They might share a funny story of something that happened over the weekend. Talk of their upcoming trip spills out. Grandma, with whom I am fortunately still close, will discuss some little detail recounting how cute my grandchild was at the last birthday gathering or such at the ex’s house.

It goes on and on. And, it hurts so deeply.

Missing my spouse is only one piece of this horrible pie. My day typically proceeds reasonably well these days, my thoughts focusing on the many good day to day life things still going on, and then another innocent, yet nearly crushing, comment interrupts my relative peace and sends me back…sometimes just one step backwards, sometimes more. “Mom, guess what happened at dad’s house?” Wow. That hurts. But I pretend I’m okay and listen to her story and smile. Again.

The pain is certainly lessening as the months go by, and I look forward to better times, but for now I’ll listen to accounts of things I’d rather not know about. For now, I can pretend and be content to know that at least he loves his children and wants to spend time with them. I’ll try to dwell on the good and walk through each day looking at what IS in my life, and keep smiling.