After-Christmas Special: Buy a Hoverboard, Get a Free Visit to the ED

Emergency departments all across the globe are swamped in what can only be deemed as the best deal in holiday history. Thousands of men, women and children have evaded their rooms after hovering through the city when their new toys malfunctioned leaving them to use conventional means of transportation to get to their final destination: the ED at their local hospital via UberBLS.

Maybe you will buy me, knowing your kid’s treatment costs will be less

“This has truly been the best post-Christmas gift ever,” Dr. Payn told GomerBlog. “Just when we thought we wouldn’t meet our yearly quota for patients set by the administrators, we are overflowing with them waiting to be seen. Thank you hoverboard!”

Hoverboard manufacturers have teamed up in a sympathetic effort to help their customers, offering to reimburse UberBLS costs and to pay 50% of their burn cream costs and to help board the home of one lucky explosion winner. Santyl shares have skyrocketed overnight as patients attempt to hoard their only hope.

As some parents were elated they didn’t give into the pop culture and buy their child an overpriced scooter that allowed them to be even more sedentary, others cried as they wondered how they would pay the price for not only the hoverboard they charged, but now the aftermath that ensued.

Children, however, were still disappointed that Santa didn’t bring them what was on their list – and now everyone would really know who the cool kids were – the ones with bandages all over.

One child was overheard saying, “This Christmas was epic, hot and explosive. None of my friends will have a story to top this or the scars to prove it.”