Tuesday, February 12, 2008

The movie Transformers brought in box office receipts of $318,759,914 (according to IDMB.com). To date, No Country for Old Men has brought in box office receipts of $55,148,960 (IDMB.com, again). In its first week alone, Transformers brought in over $70.5 million. In its first week, the worst movie I’ve seen in a long, long time outdid the entire run of the best movie I’ve seen in a long, long time.

That’s fucking ridonkulous.

I’m not a huge movie watcher. I rarely see them in the theater, but I’ll rent movies from time-to-time. Give me a good book any day of the week. A lot of my friends tend to forget this and make movie recommendations that are, frankly, retarded. I’m all about story, plot, character development, narrative. You know, the stuff that makes a movie worth watching. The things that make you pause and wonder about yourself and the world around you. The things that stick with you long after the credits have faded.

All right, I know these movies are for two completely different audiences: the sane and the lobotomized. I’d be a fool if I didn’t recognize that. But there’s a lot wrong with people who would rather plop $10 down to watch cars turn into robots and recite constipated dialogue than watch Javier Bardem’s character, Anton Chigurh, flip a coin in front of a gas station attendant in one of the most tense scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie. No shit. I’d read the book already and I knew what was going to happen, but that didn’t stop me from holding my breath while the coin spun in the air. And I wondered if I’d have the courage to watch as I wagered for my life with a madman. If I’d make a desperate attempt to flee. If I’d attack him. If I’d pray. If I’d cry. If I’d crap my pants. If I’d think about Transformers and kick myself for wasting over two hours of my life. If I’d do all the above.

But no, people want the robots from outer space. And they’ll tell you to watch the movie because . . . well, they’ll just say the special effects are cool. As if that’s a reason to watch a movie. Because something that’s rarely integral to good story telling is “cool.” No, people want to see shit blow up for no reason. They want to watch explosions. They want noise that deafens without purpose. And I don’t get it.