Miller told the police that she would lock herself in a bedroom with the dog, take off her pants and call 2-face over. She claimed the dog would “put her snout into her vagina on her own,” which seems unlikely. The dog probably just wanted to get the hell out of there and knew this was the best way to do so. She also claims that was the extent of her relationship with the dog.

Not only did she have a dog perform fellatio on her, Miller also snapped selfies of the oral performances that she saved on her cellphone. She had two folders on her phone of the pics, one titled “2-face fun” and the other titled “Me.” Clearly someone who makes a dog eat her out has a problem with narcissism (and probably other things as well).

The incidents had been going on for “at least five years” but less than 10 of them occurred after Miller turned 18 in February. As far as we know, there is no age of consent for a dog since they are animals.

A vet examined 2-face and found no signs of injuries, although we can only assume psychological trauma will present in the near future.

There were no details from the New York Daily News about how the police found out about Miller’s crimes, but we can only assume they noticed her getting way too excited at a local dog show.