The UFC is in San Jose tonight with a free fight card that can only be described as “legit man [expletive].” UFC on FOX 12 kicks off at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and BG will be sticking round-by-round results after the jump; refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

Curt Menefee starts off with a tortured Silicon Valley analogy, that has no place on any card that’s headlined by Matt Brown. Oh, and we’ve already got a Guardians of the Galaxy commercial *within* the broadcast. That took about 45 seconds. Good job, everybody.

Daniel Cormier is on the broadcast panel, plugging his upcoming title fight against Jon Jones, which leads into a trailer package for the bout. You know what, I’ll count that as a commercial too. Now they’re breaking down tonight’s fight card.

After a full 20 minutes of commercials, it’s time to begin…

Josh Thomson vs. Bobby Green

Round 1: Thomson starts out snapping kicks at Green’s ankles. Green returns a leg kick, and lands a solid right hand. Thomson with a pair of quick punches. Good body kick from Green. They trade punches and Thomson’s land harder. Bobby Green starts bouncing around, not even looking at Thomson. It’s Paulo Filho-esque. Thomson goes high with the left kick. Thomson gets thumbed in the eye pretty badly and there’s a break in the action. Herb Dean offers him some more time to recover, but Thomson is back in after about 30 seconds. Thomson grazes Green with a head kick; Green smiles and starts talking to him. Thomson tries a foot-sweep takedown and Green defends. Green going low with an oblique kick. He lands nicely with a leg kick. The round ends, and it was a close one.

Round 2: Green with a body kick. Thomson brushes Green back with another head kick and Green gives Thomson a wide smile and basically congratulates Thomson for the effort. “Talking back isn’t going to score you points,” Mike Goldberg says, after Green responds to Thomson’s attacks with more conversation. Leg kick Thomson. Now even Thomson can’t help but smile as Green continues to treat this fight like a bro-out session. Green with another oblique kick to Thomson’s knee. Thomson tries to shoot in, but Green avoids it. Thomson slugging as soon as Green gets close. Thomson tries the trip-takedown again and gets it. He pounces on Green, but Green escapes to his feet. The round ends; I’d call it a clear 10-9 for Thomson.

Round 3: Green comes out with some kung fu arm movements. Good punch to the body from Green. Thomson whiffs a spinning backfist. They clinch against the fence. Green whips a right hand to Thomson’s temple and spins out. A spinning knee from Green pushes Thomson against the fence. Green staying busy this round, keeping Thomson near the fence and attacking. Thomson slips in with some punches. He fails on the foot-sweep, but follows it with a hard body kick. Thomson is bleeding under his right eye. Green shoots, Thomson slugs him in a head a few times while defending against the fence. Green with a lead uppercut. Thomson goes over the top with a right hand. Green stalks in during the closing seconds of the round, Thomson fires back and tries a capoeira kick. There’s the bell. 10-9 for Green. This could go either way.

Bobby Green def. Josh Thomson via split decision. (29-28 x 2, 28-29). The crowd isn’t happy with it, but whaddya gonna do. Joe Rogan says that Green “belongs with the elite of the division.” Really? For grinnin’ his way through an incredibly close fight against Josh Thomson? I’m not convinced.

Clay Guida vs. Dennis Bermudez

And there’s Jason Guida doing his “slap Clay in the face before the fight” thing, again. He’s carved out quite a little niche for himself. Indeed, Jason Guida is the white Antonio Inoki.

Round 1: Bermudez rushing forward like a bull. He lands a leg kick. He’s throwing some serious punches too, but missing most of them. Clay Guida kicks Bermudez in the knee, then lands a big right hand. Guida shoots for a single leg, but Bermudez pulls out of it. They clinch against the fence. Bermudez sneaks in a good knee, and another. Guida shoots, Bermudez grabs him in a headlock and punches Guida when he pulls away. Guida tries to take Bermudez’s back in a scramble, but Bermudez shakes him off. Another knee from Bermudez, and Clay is cut near his right eye. Bermudez dashes forward with a leg kick, a punch, a knee. Bermudez grabs a clinch and starts smashing Guida with knees. Guida tries to escape and Bermudez takes his back, looking for a choke. Guida defends it, sticks his tongue out at the camera and the crowd loves it. The round ends. Dominant first round for Bermudez, but we’re still in 10-9 territory. Guida burps loudly on the stool.

Round 2: Bermudez storming forward trying to grab onto Guida, Guida landing punches while backpedaling. Punches and a sharp leg kick from Bermudez. Guida lands an inside leg kick. Bermudez lands in a punching exchange. A stiff left hand from Bermudez gets Guida stumbling backwards. Bermudez land a teep to the belly. Bermudez stalking Guida down. Guida lands a big overhand right again, but Bermudez doesn’t seem phased. Heck of a chin on that guy. Bermudez bullrushes Guida to the mat and takes his back. He goes for the rear-naked choke again, and sinks it almost immediately. Guida taps. He gets up and starts running laps around the cage.

That’s seven straight wins for Bermudez, and honestly, he looks like a killer now.

Dennis Bermudez def. Clay Guida via submission (rear-naked choke), 2:57 of round 2. Bermudez is “super-stoked.” He says Guida will be in the Hall of Fame one day. He’d like a title shot, but he’d be happy to fight anybody in the top 5.

Anthony Johnson vs. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira

Welp, it’s public execution time.

Round 1: Johnson moving forward slowly, cautiously. Johnson tags Nogueira with a punch, and Lil’ Nog is on his heels. Johnson lands another power punch, as Nog hits the fence. Johnson enters the kill sequence. A barrage of heavy punches from Rumble, ending with a right uppercut that sends Nogueira to the mat. It’s over. “And the lights go out in San Jose,” Joe Rogan says, somberly.

Bottom line, that fight shouldn’t have been made. And yet…isn’t this why we watch Rumble Johnson?

Anthony Johnson def. Antonio Rogerio Nogueira via TKO, 0:44 of round 1. “Hopefully I keep puttin’ fear in everybody’s hearts,” Johnson says, before thanking the crowd. “I just wanted to destroy him, that was it.” After his rocky competitive history is brought up by Rogan, Johnson says “yeah, don’t cut so much weight, everybody.”

Again, it should be noted that Antonio Rogerio Nogueira is held together by duct tape, and didn’t really come to fight. The man has no more tread left on the tires, and should retire (like Kyle Kingsbury didearlier, by the way). Still: Who should Rumble beat up next?

Robbie Lawler vs. Matt Brown

Round 1: Brown comes out jabbing and Lawler immediately brushes him back with hard punches. Brown testing range with kicks. Lawler lands a nice uppercut. Brown on his heels, as Lawler lands sharp punches at will. Brown doing these really slow leg kicks that make me nervous for him. But Brown lands a big right hand. Lawler returns fire. Now Brown grabs his clinch, lands some knees. He lands a standing elbow. Brown waking up now. He flips Lawler to the mat, and looks for a D’arce choke, but Lawler defends and stands. Lawler pushes Brown against the fence, lands a hard uppercut. Brown is cut near the top of his nose. Brown lands knees to Lawler’s legs from the clinch, and an elbow in close. Another elbow from Brown, but Lawler bashes his way out, and nails Brown with heavy punches. Nice body kick from Lawler. Brown lands one of his own. Brown dashes in with a long punch and Lawler fires back an uppercut as the round ends. I’d say 10-9 Lawler, who looked very dangerous throughout.

Round 2: Brown missing punches and running out of the way to avoid Robbie’s counters. Brown tries a high right kick that’s mostly blocked. I just noticed that Brown is sponsored by Dude Wipes. Brown lands a kick to the body. Brown shoots in for a takedown. It’s telegraphed and Lawler is ready for it; Brown briefly gets Lawler to the mat, but Lawler is quickly on his feet. Brown whiffs a punch. Lawler lands a straight left. Brown lands a spinning back to the body. He storms forward with punches. Brown stick a right hand. He briefly grabs a clinch and sneaks in an elbow. Brown throws a high kick, then thumps one to the body. Lawler with a hard body kick of his own. Brown chases Lawler and fires a kick at the bell. Brown did much better in that round, and may have edged out a 10-9.

Round 3: Brown shoots in for a single-leg, and is tenaciously trying to convert it against the fence, but Lawler doesn’t budge. He drops down an elbow, drawing more blood from Brown’s face. Lawler with a hard body kick and Brown winces. Lawler throws it again. Lawler goes high with the kick. Lawler sneaks in a right hook. Brown gets busy firing punches. Lawler kicks Brown in the belly and Brown is hurt, stumbling backwards…but Big John thinks it was a low blow, and stops the action. Damn it. The replay shows that it was as clean as you can get. But Brown gets a break. They’re back in. Brown lands a body kick. They trade high kicks. There’s the bell. Lawler, 10-9. Brown was in trouble there for a while.

Round 4: Lawler runs out to the center of the Octagon, throwing punches. He takes Brown to the mat and starts working from half-guard. Some douche-bro in the crowd starts booing immediately. Brown grabs a headlock, but loses it. He scoots back to the fence. Brown tries to turn and stand, but Lawler slams him back to the mat and takes his back. Brown escapes to his feet. Good lead uppercut from Lawler. Brown shoots, Lawler defends. Good right hand from Lawler. Lawler lands a left high kick. Brown lands a pair of kicks to Lawler’s right leg. Lawler snaps Brown’s head back with a left. The round ends; another 10-9 for Lawler. Brown looking pretty tired as he walks back to his corner.

Round 5: And here we go. Both guys spend the first 20 seconds slugging the shit out of each other. Brown knows he needs a finish here. Brown working some standing elbows with good success. Body kick from Lawler, followed by a left hand. They clinch against the fence, briefly. Lawler is cut now, too. Good knee to the body from Brown, and Lawler responds with a right hand. Brown lands a kick to the ribs. Lawler lands a left high kick. Brown with a left hook to the body. Powerful body kick from Brown. But Lawler lands one of his own and Brown is hurt. More back and forth, with both guys tearing into each other. Lawler with a kick, Brown catches it, Lawler spins around with a backfist. Lawler with another kick to the body. What a dogfight. Brown is tough as nails, but he must be in agony. Lawler smashes Brown to the mat, but Brown is quickly on his feet. The last horn sounds. Brown smiles at Lawler. The Immortal must know he lost, but hey, it was a hell of a show.

Robbie Lawler def. Matt Brown via unanimous decision (49-46 x 2, 48-47). “There’s two champions in this ring tonight,” Lawler says to Brown. The post-fight interview is a quick one, as the broadcast is completely out of time, but Lawler’s not much of a talker anyway. The important thing is, the win secures Lawler a rematch against Johny Hendricks for the welterweight title, as soon as Hendricks is healthy again. Can’t wait for that one.