This morning, Taylor Swift has released the first single off her upcoming Red album, "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together." It shot to No. 1 on the iTunes chart faster than any song in history, says MSN Music UK. You will be hearing this song everywhere you go for the next sixth months at least, like it or not. Produced by pop music's mad scientist Max Martin, this thing has instant "Since You've Been Gone" status. Swift's country roots are mostly obscured in favor of ear candy with a slightly druggy four-on-the-floor beat. If this were stripped down and shaded a little more intricately, it could sound like cosmic disco.

...because of the tumultuous, crazy adventures in love and loss that it chronicles. In my mind, when you experience love that's fast paced and out of control and mixes infatuation, jealousy, frustration, miscommunication, and all of those lovely emotions…in retrospect, it all looks red.

It's too bad that Swift wasn't born in the '70s because those words would look beautiful in a Lisa Frank notebook. Swift is closing in and threatening to knock Mariah Carey off her buttercup throne as the girliest girl in pop music.

Swift told Good Morning America that "Never Ever Ever Ever with Sugar on Top of Ponies" is about a real life ex-love of hers. Could it be Jake? John? Joe? Taylor? This is the eternal question when you listen to Swift and with words as vague as "So he calls me up and he's like, 'I still love you' and I'm like, I'm just...this is exhausting, you know like, we're never getting back together," we may never know whom she is referring to. Like, ever.