You can’t spell “idiot” without the Id.

Should you be of the opinion that this blog is to be authored by a brilliant Christian who is exceptional and perfect in all of his deeds? Yeah, this one should cure you of that notion rather quickly.

The way I am looking at myself today, I see two versions. There is Cosand, the jubilant and sometimes sarcastic fellow that folks know and welcome over to dinner. Not too far away, there is Id-Cosand. Id-C, for the purposes of brevity. (Also, because Id-C sounds reasonably close to idiocy, which I think is appropriate.)

There is a fine line between Cosand and Id-C. The problem there; I am not a line crosser. My moral compass has always been pretty firmly set. I will not pretend to have all the answers to the problems that plague the world. Look how hard it is to figure out a single issue like healthcare. However I have pretty much always known how I should react in a given situation. The “right thing to do” is blindingly clear for me. I have friends who bounce things off of me and offer up reasons why it would not work. They would like to not steal, but they did not get paid on time. That person did not mean to hit the other person, but they made them angry. That executive did not plan to embezzle millions of dollars, but it was just sitting there…

Buts are for crap.

You’ll pardon the vulgar pun. It was too appropriate to pass up. Regardless, you can understand my brain’s notions of right and wrong. The world may not be black and white; however my scales of justice are ready to tip without a moment’s hesitation.

With that state of mind, I tell you about my recent complication. Insert girl into picture. Girl is cute and fun and Cosand seems to get along well with girl. Girl has boyfriend. (Yep. There it is.) Cosand is trusted by all, a nice guy, finds he can talk to girl quite easily. Girl and Cosand talk. A lot. For the introvert that Cosand considers himself, there is much back and forth. Cosand finds himself getting a little too frisky…

Enough third person; it adds distance. I like this girl just fine. She has a boyfriend. Bam- problem. I am not a couples-killer. I do not disturb relationships. Last night I spent over an hour editing my documentary on couples, how am I supposed to do that when I’m keeping two people from trusting the other? Even if I did “succeed”, I would have to know that I caused this person to break up with someone just to be with me. That is supposed to be her call, not my influence; that causes that to happen. When one gets right down to it, I feel like I am precariously close to causing strife for three people. Two of those people are perfectly content right now, why mucky with that? My brain knows all this, and Id-C could not care less.

I know I am on shaky ground. The Dark Knight told me so. Lucius Fox is the business manager for Batman. He takes care of the budget, the firings, and the technology development of Wayne Enterprises. Batman asks him to help him spy on several million people to find one man. Fox confronts Batman with a half-concerned/half-upset face and boldly tells one of the most powerful men in the world, “This is wrong.” (God knows the bible can be a little dry for me sometimes, so God lets me learn from movies and comics too. God’s kind like that.) I can make excuses. I can try and prop up Id-C as a reasonable version of myself who just wants to be happy and is not “really” hurting anyone. The couple is not even married. In the end, I find myself just trying to convince the Lucius Fox in my head that it could make everyone’s lives better… and Fox is not buying it.

A slightly more cynical phrase, (the source of which, I cannot find right now) states, “If a man looked himself in the mirror, and really looked, he’d throw up.” Well, that is a little dark for my tastes, but I would like to throw up as little as possible. Sometimes I joke that I only sleep five hours each night because I sleep the slumber of the righteous. It is meant as a jest, and I am not close to fully righteous. However, I would like to go to bed knowing I did my best to not foul up others’ lives just to make myself happy.