A Tiny Pronoun Says a Lot About You

How Often You Say 'I' Says More Than You Realize

It's a common belief that people who say "I" a lot are full of themselves, maybe even narcissists. Surprising new research turns that assumption on it's head. Elizabeth Bernstein and University of Texas researcher James Pennebaker explain. Photo: AP.

You should. Researchers say that your usage of the pronoun says more about you than you may realize.

Surprising new research from the University of Texas suggests that people who often say "I" are less powerful and less sure of themselves than those who limit their use of the word. Frequent "I" users subconsciously believe they are subordinate to the person to whom they are talking.

Pronouns, in general, tell us a lot about what people are paying attention to, says James W. Pennebaker, chair of the psychology department at the University of Texas at Austin and an author on the study. Pronouns signal where someone's internal focus is pointing, says Dr. Pennebaker, who has pioneered this line of research. Often, people using "I" are being self-reflective. But they may also be self-conscious or insecure, in physical or emotional pain, or simply trying to please.

Dr. Pennebaker and colleagues conducted five studies of the way relative rank is revealed by the use of pronouns. The research was published last month in the Journal of Language and Social Psychology. In each experiment, people deemed to have higher status used "I" less.

The findings go against the common belief that people who say "I" a lot are full of themselves, maybe even narcissists.

"I" is more powerful than you may realize. It drives perceptions in a conversation so much so that marriage therapists have long held that people should use "I" instead of "you" during a confrontation with a partner or when discussing something emotional. ("I feel unheard." Not: "You never listen.") The word "I" is considered less accusatory.

ENLARGE

New research from the University of Texas shows that people who often say 'I' are less powerful than people who limit their use of the pronoun.
Brian Stauffer/TheiSpot.com

An Honest Vocabulary

People telling the truth use 'I' a lot. Other words they often use include:

Except

But

Without

Unless

"There is a misconception that people who are confident, have power, have high-status tend to use 'I' more than people who are low status," says Dr. Pennebaker, author of "The Secret Life of Pronouns." "That is completely wrong. The high-status person is looking out at the world and the low-status person is looking at himself."

So, how often should you use "I"? More—to sound humble (and not critical when speaking to your spouse)? Or less—to come across as more assured and authoritative?

The answer is "mostly more," says Dr. Pennebaker. (Although he does say you should try and say it at the same rate as your spouse or partner, to keep the power balance in the relationship.)

In the first language-analysis study Dr. Pennebaker led, business-school students were divided into 41 four-person, mixed-sex groups and asked to work as a team to improve customer service for a fictitious company. One person in each group was randomly assigned to be the leader. The result: The leaders used "I" in 4.5% of their words. Non-leaders used the word 5.6%. (The leaders also used "we" more than followers did.)

In the second study, 112 psychology students were assigned to same-sex groups of two. The pairs worked to solve a series of complex problems. All interaction took place online. No one was assigned to a leadership role, but participants were asked at the end of the experiment who they thought had power and status. Researchers found that the higher the person's perceived power, the less he or she used "I."

In study three, 50 pairs of people chatted informally face-to-face, asking questions to get to know one another, as if at a cocktail party. When asked which person had more status or power, they tended to agree—and that person had used "I" less.

Study four looked at emails. Nine people turned over their incoming and outgoing emails with about 15 other people. They rated how much status they had in relation to each correspondent. In each exchange, the person with the higher status used "I" less.

The fifth study was the most unusual. Researchers looked at email communication that the U.S. government had collected (and translated) from the Iraqi military, made public for a period of time as the Iraqi Perspectives Project. They randomly selected 40 correspondences. In each case, the person with higher military rank used "I" less.

People curb their use of "I" subconsciously, Dr. Pennebaker says. "If I am the high-status person, I am thinking of what you need to do. If I am the low-status person, I am more humble and am thinking, 'I should be doing this.' "

Dr. Pennebaker has found heavy "I" users across many people: Women (who are typically more reflective than men), people who are more at ease with personal topics, younger people, caring people as well as anxious and depressed people. (Surprisingly, he says, narcissists do not use "I" more than others, according to a meta-analysis of a large number of studies.)

And who avoids using "I," other than the high-powered? People who are hiding the truth. Avoiding the first-person pronoun is distancing.

Researchers analyzed the language on Twitter of Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev. Mr. Tsarnaev used "I" words (I, me, my, I'll, I'm, etc.) less and less in his tweets as he got closer to the bombing, according to not-yet-published research by Brittany Norman at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, Texas, and Dr. Pennebaker.

The researchers analyzed all 856 of Mr. Tsarnaev's original tweets between October 2011 and April 15, 2013, the day of the bombing. They found that Mr. Tsarnaev's use of "I" words dropped significantly as the bombing approached, with the biggest drop appearing in October 2012 (to 4.81% of his words from 9.57% the month before).

"The data suggest that Mr. Tsarnaev made the decision to do something that he had to hide at that time," Ms. Norman says.

All his work leads Dr. Pennebaker to conclude: "You should use 'I' the same way you use a speedometer on your car—as feedback on yourself," he says. "Are you being genuine? Are you being honest? Learn to adjust some, to know yourself."

Someone may have already noted this, but if not, a useful data point might be that people in the U.S. have been told over and over that use of "I" is negative. Furthermore, my experience has been as a person advances up the leadership ladder they are told repeatedly that use of "I" is team-destructive and can be viewed as narcissistic, shallow, self important,etc. Therefore many of us have likely coached ourselves not to utilize that pronoun.

I find it easy to converse with talkative "I" people. Begin the conversation with 'what's your opinion on...." or "tell me about yourself", etc. The rest of the conversation, on my side goes "Uh-huh", "I see", "really?".

I find it unsettling that my new boss uses we when I never had any input! I think he wants to give credit, but I do not want this - his work does not reflect me or my standards. Still haven't found a way to let him know that this is very irritating to me. (Notice how I conveniently left out the pronoun to start this non-sentence.) Of course, if it were a shared project the use of we would be appropriate.

I'd say the higher status move is to use whatever is most fitting to the situation. Sometimes egos can get in the way, so it can be more useful to avoid 'I'. Sometime, intentional subjective framing of expression can be more effective: i.e. this is just what I think, and I am not presuming to speak on behalf of others. In the latter case, sure, there are probably some people who use the pronoun 'I' in a self-conscious way, yet I think that exhibiting self-reflection and deliberate expression through a subjective lens can be higher status too.

Several have mentioned Obama's Post Bin Laden "spike the football" speech as a good example of the argument put forth in the article. I recommend taking a look at Obama's February 2010 speech cancelling the Constellation program to return to the moon. Whether you agree with the cancellation or not, I was dumbfounded by the imperial attitude he displayed. Paraphrasing; he stated HE had decided to cancel the program, because HE was not interested in going to the moon and that HE had decided that going to the asteroids and Mars was a more interesting goal. Though this speech was widely reported no one commented on the imperious nature. Since then I have noted all of his speechs sound as though they are given by the "General Secretary of the new US Politburo" rather than the executive of a republic with three "Equal" branches of government.

Essentially, what you're saying is that I should add the pronoun 'I' to my statements. Instead of telling you that you're an overpaid, over-opinionated clown that should go fork herself, You'd prefer that I say that 'I' think that you're a self-centered, ridiculous waste of human life whom should most certainly go fork herself. Preferably to death, before she is allowed to be paid for such a nonsense article while people all around her are dying.

I (oh god, that word! I used it. Oops, I used it again. Oh no! This self recrimination could get infinitely recursive.) think that while Ayn Rand was essentially correct, she went overboard in her rejection of the collective, which actually did put people on the moon. Still this article reminded me of her short novel "Anthem" in which she investigates a society that has banned the first person singular pronouns from its language in all their forms (I, me, my, mine, myself). Her description of that society isn't pretty.

And I thought that it was interesting that these "researchers" are disparaging the use of those pronouns without reference to context.

Funny, but this article is also supported by a cultural anthropologist...Kate Fox, author of "Watching the English: The Hidden Rules of English Behaviour," stated that upper class Brits never say "I" but rather use a less personal pronoun.

This is exactly why I've been on a quest to resurrect usage of the word "Methinks". Not only does it mask all the associated issues with shallow, empty self-centered worldviews, it also suggests a distinguished mastery of Olde English.

Also, I find the help tends to pick it up a little bit when I break out a "Methinks".

In re John Reece's comment that "Douglas MacArthur and Barack Obama are notorious for their excessive use of "I". Neither obviously had/has a problem with lack of ego or feelings of inferiority.", while I don't want to get into deep psycholgical waters with Mac, Obama's foreign policy hasn't exactly telegraphed assurance or a steely discipline.

how long before such ideas are made illegal? once 3 dogs sat talking one Russian, one from France one from USA, the USA dog complained about how things were tough in USA, the french dag as well, the Russian dog replied things were just great in Russia, the other 2 said really? are you happy there, he replied yes but I would like to bark on occasion though

Disagree totally. It has nothing to do with "power" or "status," it has to do with self-absorption/narcissism. Such a person can be powerful and high in status, or powerless and status-less.

Aside from that, it's just plain tiresome and boring to be around such a person.

Re: marriage, the focus should be on what is objectively true and ethical. If your feelings are impossible to cope with, or are unethical, then you need to work on your feelings, not make your spouse or others conform to them.

The question isn't how to structure a particular sentence, but the larger context of how to communicate effectively. This goes far beyond structuring the same idea a different way. In fast, most of the time, the problem is not the structure of the sentence, but the structure of the argument/idea.

I'll tell you what tiny pronoun says even more about a person than does his use of "I": (The correct) "its". As NOT in the caption to this article's picture: "assumption on it's head. Elizabeth Bernstein and University of Texas researcher James Pennebaker explain. Photo: AP. " "It's" = "it is; "its" is possessive.

I’ve often thought that some people were overbearing because they had low self-esteem and confidence. It takes self-confidence to accept other peoples’ ideas and positions. For example, Obama uses the word “I” more than anyone (except when he might have to actually do something, take responsibility, or apologize). I had already guessed that his complete intolerance of dissension to his personal views was due to his major personality problems.

Hmmmm... Not so sure about this one. No President in history has used the first person pronoun with such gusto as the present one. None has come off as aloof, pedantic, patronizing and arrogant, either. Perhaps it's because this is an Academic Study. After all, Academia is overrun with self-referential thumbsuckers. How better to justify their attitudes than a Study that supports themselves? No, I don't think I'm buying this one.

I don't buy it.When making a bold statement, too many people use the wishy-washy "you" instead of I. "When you are under fire from the Taliban, you get scared". What the hello does that mean? When forcefully making an opinion and decision, I comes off a lot stronger than we or you. " I want you to make your bed today" "We would like you to make your bed". The worst? "You should make your bed" In general conversation, using I a lot usually means that I am talking about myself too much, which is just poor conversational skills, not necessarily a self-esteem issue.

Of course, you saw this coming - a comment to parody the article. Regardless, I think I am entitled to use the I pronoun because I am intrinsically insecure, I disagree with the premise of the article, I believe the conclusionary pseudo science is hilarious, specious, irrelevant to anything meaningful to the overall scheme of things. Where else in the world is public money made available to study that which does not rise to or merit a level of serious study? Why, at a publicly funded university, of course! I think these endless (studies) masquerading as science do nothing to advance substantive knowledge or learning. Of course, I think it does create an income stream and employment for the terminally banal. Of course, I could be wrong. I'll be sure to let you know. I must be bored today. Why else would I take the time and effort to write about I?

When I saw the headline for this article, I thought it might be about how your level of intelligence can be measured by the overuse of "I" because you think "me" is ungrammatical: The company threw a party for Ann and I. Apparently, I was wrong.

B. Hussein's over use of the first person pronoun is beyond noticeable . No one but a delirious narcissist would have the nerve to so consistently refer----over and over and over---to himself in virtually every speech. Nay, every opportunity.The man can't even manage a humble "We". Nope. It's "Me" and "I" or nothing.What is also interesting is that this narcissistic culture we now inhabit doesn't even seem to notice or get it. The Obots in his orbit think this is how it always has been and don't bat an eye. Lord help us.

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