'One thing at a time' five months after Oxford shooting

Sunday

Dec 23, 2012 at 6:00 AMDec 23, 2012 at 6:31 AM

Owen K. Benway is singing, and that is a Christmas gift in itself. Owen, 9, was the only survivor of a horrific crime in which his father, Daryl, shot Owen in the head, killed Owen's 7-year-old sister, Abigail, and killed himself in the family's Oxford home on July 28. Owen was left in critical condition with a traumatic brain injury.

By Jacqueline Reis TELEGRAM & GAZETTE STAFF

Owen K. Benway is singing, and that is a Christmas gift in itself.

Owen, 9, was the only survivor of a horrific crime in which his father, Daryl, shot Owen in the head, killed Owen's 7-year-old sister, Abigail, and killed himself in the family's Oxford home on July 28. Owen was left in critical condition with a traumatic brain injury.

In the months since, Owen has had three brain surgeries, learned how to eat again and undergone countless hours of physical, speech and psychiatric therapy. Through it all, people from Oxford and throughout the country have kept him and his mother, Kelleen J. Benway, in their prayers and helped in any way they could, from get-well signs to donations to a fund at Hometown Bank. People have “given of their hearts” in too many ways to mention without forgetting someone, she said.

As Christmas approaches, she wanted to thank everyone and tell them how much Owen has improved.

“I want people to know that their thoughts and prayers have carried us through. They've been answered,” she said. “Blessings and miracles do happen.”

Initially, Owen had to have part of his skull removed, because his brain was swelling. The family had another scare when he developed an infection that led to another surgery. This month, however, UMass Memorial Medical Center neurosurgeon Dr. Oguz Cataltepe replaced the fragment of Owen's skull that they had removed (it was frozen), and it has made all the difference for both Ms. Benway and Owen, who does not have to wear a helmet anymore.

“After that surgery was done, my emotions just let go. I just started crying, and it wasn't out of sadness, it was out of being thankful. And God willing, there will be no more surgeries, and he can start being a little boy again,” Ms. Benway said.

“I have really seen a lot more of his original character come out, which is such a blessing, because when things like this happen, you can almost feel like … you've lost that person even though they're still there. But he's still there,” she said.

Owen is not only there, he is more musical than he used to be. “He just sings constantly. He's singing Christmas carols every day” and listening to them on the radio, plus making up his own songs, his mother said. She hopes to eventually get him into a music program.

In the meantime, however, she and Owen and his team at Franciscan Hospital for Children in Brighton are making plans for a slow transition to his new home in Oxford. The first step was a visit scheduled for Saturday that would include his psychiatrist and spaghetti, his and his mother's favorite food, Ms. Benway said.

In addition to his physical injuries, Owen has severe post-traumatic stress disorder. “It is believed that he did witness the tragedy, which no child should ever have to deal with,” his mother said. She and her husband had separated weeks before the shootings, and she was not home at the time. She arrived to find police at the house and suffers from PTSD herself.

She has been by Owen's side since that day, first at UMass Memorial during the surgeries and then during therapy and rehabilitation at Franciscan. She has left her job as a psychological therapy coordinator.

If all goes well on Owen's visits to his and his mother's new home, he'll come home for a few hours on Christmas to celebrate with Ms. Benway and his adult stepsister, Nickole, Ms. Benway's daughter.

“With the PTSD, it's best just to slowly reintroduce him,” Ms. Benway said. “We'll start with tutoring at home, when he does come home, and to have his friends come visit when he wants and at his pace.”

Owen went to Clara Barton Elementary School, and the school system will provide a tutor for 10 hours a week, Ms. Benway said.

Her son hopes to rejoin the Boy Scouts, too. “One thing at a time, at his pace,” she said. “I say he's driving the bus.”

Owen has trouble expressing himself and finding the right words, she said. “He has a lot of challenges ahead of him, he has a long road, but I'll be there, and we'll get through this,” she said. “He's a very strong young man. Owen actually means 'little warrior' … so I'd say he's proven that.”

Warrior aside, he has charmed many of the people he has met and has a greeting for everyone on the hospital corridor, his mother said.

The last two weeks have been emotional times, first with the Newtown shootings and then what would have been Abigail's 8th birthday Thursday.

Abigail and her brother were very close, Ms. Benway said.

“I can't mention one without the other, because they were like twins, they were inseparable, so it's another difficult thing for Owen to deal with,” Ms. Benway said. “They would sit in the same chair.”

Abigail, she said, was “a very kind-hearted girl who understood empathy.”

“I'm thankful that she was in our lives for those seven years, and in the future, I would like to do something in her name … possibly talking to children about empathy and kindness and reaching out to each other,” Ms. Benway said.

She takes comfort in the fact that she always told her children how much she loves them.

“Abby, when she went, she knew that she was loved and how special she was to me,” Ms. Benway said. “Love your children, hug your children, and especially right now, between this and Newtown, I guess that's a really important message that I want to share.”

She continues to wrap her love around Owen, who has been her biggest source of strength. “All I can do is give him love and support and security,” she said. “My goal is to raise a proud, good-hearted, strong man.”