Saturday, January 21, 2006

1. Taking A Slash Outside

There is nothing quite like the feeling of passing wateren plein airas it were. Whipping it out on a fresh winter's morning and proceeding to empty a bladder which is perpetually full due to the cultivation of a 40-Cups-a-day Tea habit feels fucking great ('seriously though' it's not 40 that would be unhealthy). Also the nicest bit about the whole experience is that I really feel like I'm putting something back into nature, a sort of unholy bond with ecosystems across the world.

My Top 4 Places To Do "This"(no particular order)

Uni Garden (Nottingham) - at least 8 different types of tree, squirrels and 5 bird species

Garden Home (Maldon) - do it at 3.30 pm and all the mum's picking up their kids from the school next door can hear you

Outisde Special Reserve (Chelmsford) - i remember doing this once when drunk, it lacked the foliage of the former, but i could see my old school so it felt like i was "sticking it to the system" (or it did at the time) and this is a positive blog experiment so i retract all such angst and ill-feeling

Against a tree in France on a warm summer's evening - you're missing out

What did your piss taste like? And did you vomit afterwards? Bernie and I once watched some really good american amateur pissing porn. A couple had sex, then the guy pissed (loads!) in a bucket and she drank it. She kept shuddering and gagging and saying how salty it was. I cannot recall whether she threw up or not but the main point was that she was very pretty.