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About the Author

Lori Palatnik is a writer and Jewish educator who has appeared on television and radio. She is the Founding Director of The Jewish Women's Renaissance Project, an international initiative that brings thousands of women to Israel each year from 18 different countries on highly subsidized programs to inspire them with the beauty and wisdom of their heritage (www.jwrp.org). She is a much sought-after international speaker, having lectured in the U.S., Canada, Mexico, U.K., Central America, South America, South Africa and Israel, including featured talks at Yale, Brown and Penn. She lives in the Washington, D.C. area with her husband, Rabbi Yaakov Palatnik, and is the busy mother of five children, ages 25 to 15.

Visitor Comments: 12

(12)
Anonymous,
October 26, 2014 2:35 AM

Great General Advice

But it assumes that everyone in our lives is "functional."

Unfortunately, I can verify, from personal experience, that this approach will NOT work with individuals who are nonfunctional, such as those with untreated mental illness (such as bipolar) or a personality disorder (such as psychopathology, borderline personality disorder, and extreme narcissism) or addictive behavior.

Unfortunately, nonfunctional individuals, more-often-than-not, would use our gestures of kindness against us and in this case, the "higher road" should most likely consist of protecting ourselves (mentally, spiritually, emotionally, and physically) and refusing to commit lashon hora (since our good deeds will eventually speak for us).

(11)
Anonymous,
August 10, 2014 12:35 PM

Alas, I tried to take the high road with one of my siblings. Unfortunately he has chosen not to communicate with me. We have had a contentious relationship for our entire lives, and that too is very sad. However, I believe taking the high road brings peace of mind even if the outcome is less than ideal. I've done everything humanly possible to have something of a cordial relationship with this sibling, but it just isn't happening. Life is too short, so I will channel my efforts into a much more positive direction.

(10)
Mary,
August 29, 2013 10:44 PM

conflict resolution

Laurie, almost live, is so right. This is the absolute best way to resolve conflicts.

(9)
Anonymous,
August 29, 2013 12:27 PM

great simple message

As always, sound so simple and obvious when you say it! Thanks R.Lori, your messages are always little moments of clarity. With appreciation.

(8)
willy,
August 28, 2013 11:59 AM

i listen to your comments to learn. i never thought that you would put me to work.lol my issues are an little different than what you have here but needs to be addressed. i would tell you but not here. just as there are two sides to every coin, there is two sides to my problem. thanks

(7)
Anonymous,
August 26, 2013 3:09 PM

You're right as usual Lori!

Every time I follow your wise advice, I never go wrong. You once gave a lecture that we send a bad message to our kids by telling them that life isn't fair when they feel they've been wronged by us, so I've instilled this lesson in my kids. While we have ways to go, they do reiterate the message that people make mistakes, but Hashem is always fair and so Mom and Dad are always trying to be fair to emulate Hashem. I have been pulled into an awful conflict with nonreligious relatives that I don't want to be in but they have insisted on persisting with. I reached out a hand to try and end the conflict by inviting them to my children's birthday party, which is also a family event I sponsor yearly, and they say they never got the email and that they don't forgive what they deem is my fault/mistake and want nothing to do with me. I have been throwing my hands up in the air not knowing what to do anymore to try and put this to an end, but I think you just gave me the best advice I could ever have asked for and definitely would not have come up with on my own. As I told my mom, who is also frustrated with this conflict between me and other family members (who also are very unfortunately anti-Torah and I stand for what they want to be away from and have nothing to do with), I sum up my commitment to Torah with one sentence: Taking the High Road, even if it'spainful, confusing or means I have to swallow my pride. I hope Hashem will have Mercy on me and my family for trying to seek out peace and ask for mercy (which is tough to swallow in this case!) from my family and end this conflict once and for all. Shanah Tova u'metuka and K'tiva v'Chatima Tova for all of Klal Israel!

(6)
Nancy,
August 26, 2013 11:06 AM

To commenter #4, I am very sorry that your efforts were not well received as you had hoped they would be. Nonetheless, by taking the high road you did the right thing. Whoever rejected your efforts is the one who is losing out!

(5)
Lisa,
August 25, 2013 7:34 PM

Best Bar Mitzva....in Israel!!

Hmmm....I don't think this is an "I'm sorry " situation....they can just say to the Rabbi " let's start over again." Taking the high road is saying I'm sorry to a long lost sibling....a parent....a child....or a friend who you might have hurt.....or who hurt you!! Yes...'tis the season to do just that....take the high road! Thanks for the reminder...especially in Elul.

(4)
Anonymous,
August 25, 2013 4:57 PM

This was very true and wonderful. Unfortunately, I've tried this many times, and the other person still didn't want to let it go. If you could provide advice on how to deal with people like that, would be greatly appreciated.

(3)
Maria Dodoc,
August 25, 2013 4:15 PM

Thanks.

Thank You!

(2)
Alan S.,
August 25, 2013 10:05 AM

Every word is true. Of course, there has to be a receptive person on the other end of the handshake. There has to be a mensch who is also wants peace and is willing to take the high road with you. Gee, can we get the Palestinian leaders to watch this video?