What Has It Got in Its Pocketses?

So they defeated the horde of impoverished peasants armed with farm implements. Now they want to loot the bodies…

We’ve all run into them: The players that want to find every piece of loot possible. After they’ve searched the bodies of their fallen foes, they carefully search the dung heap for treasure, cut open the farm animals and inspect their entrails, and otherwise waste time trying to wring out every last copper coin.

Now really, we have no one to blame but ourselves. If they didn’t suspect that the Spear of Longinus was hidden under that manure, they’d move on like any other self-respecting heroes would. Noooo! These guys are secretly convinced that we’ve come up with some incredibly devious hiding place, and if they just look long enough, they’re going to find the blueprints to the Death Star stashed in the old woodcutter’s shanty.

My theory is that, at some subconscious level, we actually want the players to become completely sidetracked and confused. For that reason, I’d like to present a list of (at least) 101 distracting objects that could be found in someone’s pocket (or pouch). This list could have other (actually useful) applications as well. For example, say your players find a Pouch of (Not So) Useful Items. You can use this list to let them know what they pull out.

So, without further ado, (More than) 101 Distracting Objects That Could Be In Someone’s Pouch:

1. A map in a foreign language. Sure, it just tells how to find the “Pirate Treasure”, a halfway decent hotel in the run-down village of Norwath, but until they get to Norwath, they’ll never know. If you’re lucky, someone will try to decipher the script, roll badly, and get just enough information to REALLY confuse them.

2. A broken sword’s hilt (just the hilt, OK?). It has a name inscribed upon it, the famous king Broheld, whose incredible magic sword broke when he tried to use it to remove a hangnail from the Dark Lord Zoroff. Of course, the bards don’t tell it that way, but even a bard would have a hard time recognizing that this piece was crafted five years ago in a sweatshop that turns out hundreds of relics and artifacts each year.

3. A bag of 83 square copper coins from a distant foreign land. Local merchants won’t accept them and the moneychanger wants 4 silver to exchange them for local currency.

4. A very sharp knife with a massive 3” long blade. The hilt tends to fall off.

5. A piece of birch bark with a list of nearly illegible names; each of the names has a number next to it. It’s actually a football pool, but given the fertile imagination of paranoid players…

6. A watch clock (primitive watch) with several parts missing. It appears that it was retrieved from a shipwreck, judging by its general rusted and battered condition.

7. A ball of pale green yarn, slightly tangled.

8. A bent Iron Spike. Don’t get me started about iron spikes…

9. A small statuette of a goat.

10. A breviary (small prayer book) with cryptic notations next to most of the prayers.

11. A hood, smelling faintly of turpentine.

12. Two small salted herring (not red). Each appears to have a strange and sinister symbol in the color pattern of its scales.

13. A piece of stone that appears to be flint, but which wouldn’t strike a spark if you hit it with a bomb. It puts out any small fire it is dropped into.

14. A piece of exceptionally well-made vellum, entirely covered with a carefully-written list of campaign promises from a recent election. Most have already been broken and have been crossed off.

15. A small bag stuffed full of hair and fingernail clippings.

16. A wooden needle case with three broken needles in it. They appear to be magnetized if held near steel.

17. A discolored rag wrapped around an ear spoon. The rag bears the coat of arms of a nobleman that disappeared recently in the area.

Additional Ideas (27)

18. A bag of glass marbles, each marked with a different rune.

19. An intricately wrought key, with a tag inscribed “Venous”.

20. Four pieces from a jigsaw puzzle. Placed together they form the jaw, one ear, and neck of an Ogrish figure.

21. A mummified finger (or other part, it can be hard to tell) with an engraved bronze ring on it.

22. A large, murky emerald. It’s paste, of course.

23. A small wooden box holding small flakes similar to fish food. A strange knotwork design covers the top.

24. An origami frog, which radiates a mysterious dweomer.

25. A small, stoppered vial of ink, bearing the rune of healing on its side.

26. Two quarter slices of coconut shell, each with a small hole punched in one corner.

76. an ornately carved spruce box depicting a tailor fitting a nobleman, locked with a small fine lock. Inside are a few dozen buttons and toggles (no two are alike)

77. a "shut the box" game, with several pieces missing

78. a set of beautifully carved "Hound & Jackal" pieces.

79. a wax tablet and wooden stylus. The remains of a hastily "erased " note are still readable. (Insert favorite color herring here)

80. a scribbled and vauge map with and encoded message. The message, once decoded, reads: Meet me here on the next full moon. Following the map will lead to a very earnest young man awaiting his "one true love".

81. a small fabric lined box with a cross (or other holy symbol) mounted inside the lid. Inside is a small splinter of wood (or ther significant "relic"). This is, of course, a false relic, set for sale to the naive passerby.

82. a rabbit pelt wrapped around a small cracked glass ball. On the pelt, runes of some sort are written in green and red. (a travelling "fortune teller's" crystal ball)

83. a small silver leaf pendant. On closer inspection it splits down the center and opens into a knife.

84. four small clear vials. Each is filled with a foul smelling liquid and contains a different larva of unknown origin. (Large variety of insects, uncommon but worthless)

88-a small tube,with a string at one end, if it is thrown into fire or lit, it explodes
89-Tweezers
90-a finger trap
91-a mousetrap that goes off on the PC's fingers
92-a box of matches
93-a small blue stone
94-an arrowhead
95-some coins that have in fact been forged

96. An intricately-decorated gilt box made of spun marzipan. Designs on the box appear to match the heraldry of a notable local churchman, but bear the cadency of an illegitimate son.

97. A battered copy of an old proclamation by the local ruler, decreeing that peasants are forbidden to wear any color but brown or black. No one remembers such a proclamation being given in the last 200 years.

98. A tobacco pipe, apparently carved from a section of some animal’s fluted and twisted horn. The animal it is from cannot be determined by any local folk.

99. A pair of brightly-dyed multicolored laces that radiates necromantic magic, if tested.

100. A paint brush and three small jars of pigments. The paint colors exactly match that of the equipment used by local guardsmen.

101. A large, unfriendly frog. Once found, it will begin croaking loudly.

107. a small bag of pewter men-at-arms, radiates magic. If the command word is given the small figures run around looking for 'the orks' shouting in very small high pitched voices.

108. another small bag of pewter orcs, goblins, trolls, etc that also radiate magic. If the command word is spoken they will roar and gnash their teeth in very small voices and look for the humans. if both bags are put together they will fight, each half of a matched set.

109. A brass yo-yo with a silk string

110. A stoppered vial of a fizzy brown potion that makes the drinker hyper for a while. +1 to initiative.

111. Poorly forged patents of nobility claiming a small demense in a fictious country.

112. Letter of Credit from a now defunct Banking Guild. Pity too, it's good for 1,200 pieces of gold.

113-a rough handkercheif with a single magical property. If put on itchy skin, it vibrates and scratches the itch automaticly until the itch stops, when it stops moving, only to start moving if/when the itch comes back. Long term use can cause leather-like, bleeding skin.

116-A game of chess (insert any other game here if you wish) with a woodedn board and pieces made of what looks like clay. If the players keep it, the party's clothes and equipement will slowly begin to smell strongly of excrements over the course of the next few days. the pieces are actually made up of dried goat turds...

117. A brick.
118. A very large woman's brazziere.
119. A set of carved soapstone animals. They are very well made, but you've never seen animals that look like these.
120. A wooden binder that is filled with coins from many different countries and time periods. It must be someone's collection.
121. A waterskin filled with (presumably once alive) minnows and goldfish.
122. Twenty or so flyers. They are religious tracts condemning the local faith in favor of some new cult.
123. A small lap dulcimer with all its strings. It is badly out of tune.
124. A hat made from some furry animal's hide. You look ridiculous wearing it.
125. A physician's handbook with diagrams of skeletal, muscular, and organ systems. Nearly every page has handwritten notes on it.

146. Decorative embossing stamp from a long-dead minor noble house of no significant historical note and therefore, no actual value.

147. A piece of parchment inscribed in an arcane spidery script, which when painstakingly deciphered will be revealed as a shopping list.

148. A pencil stub and a small notebook containing brief descriptive notes on random carts and wagons throughout the city, including size, style, whether they were passenger or freight, time, date and location spotted.

149. An IOU from a minor noble known to be the black sheep of his/her family for a relatively insignificant sum of money.

150. A key ring with about thirty keys on it, all different styles, sizes and constructions. Door keys, gate keys, mildly magical keys, padlock keys, chastity belt keys... (Almost all the keys don't open anything anymore, the locks are long gone or lost. People will collect anything, and this one is a key collector.)

151. A scrap of sailcloth that appears to have been used as a handkerchief.

152. A small empty apothecary jar with the residue of a love potion.

153. Sentient lint.

154. A ball of pine pitch, wrapped in a mint leaf. Increases charisma superficially when chewed, but disables stench-related breath weaponry for a few minutes.

155. Two fluffy red feathers, some sequins (made of the scales from a large fish) and a bit of parchment with the words 'Good Luck with the wedding!' and a kiss mark on it.

156. A scrap of parchment with the word 'FISH!!!!!' on it, apparently written in blood.

157. Three beans, non-magical.

158. A coat button with a detailed engraving of a horse on it. Does not match any buttons the person is wearing because he found it in the street.

159. A half-carved miniature penny-whistle.

160. A hand-carved wooden cow with an expression of sublime wisdom and sagacity.

210-A small Catherine Wheel
211-A handwritten Prayer to Mathom, only half finished.
212-a small notebook filled with badly written pornography
213-a map of an imaginary world
214-an obvious toy City Guards badge that looks like something that small children might wear

215-a tube of cream, if put on itchy skin, it stops the itch
216-a sandal with a hole in it
217-a small prayer book of X religion
218-a recepit for some item of low value
219-a fake dog turd
220-a magnifying glass

222. A wooden figurine of a warrior wearing chainmail and armed with sword and shield. 2" tall, it is a child's toy.

223. Wrapped in leather is a large, crystal clear crystal. It is actually an unusually clear piece of rocksalt and worth no more then normal salt.
224. A very crudely wrought key, cut from some sheet metal. It is a copy of a real key.

225. A common to orcish phrasebook, but all of the entries are dangerously wrong.

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Very good. I'm adding it to my world. PCs are always asking "What does it have in it's pocket/bag/pouch/backpack?" This will make it easy to find out, instead of the dreaded "Nothing much" that I've been using. Thanks, all.

Regions

Freetext

As the players travel along the trail, they notice a bear in the woods, following thier moves. It does not make any agressive moves, but neither does it leave. As daylight fades, the players need to decide what to do. Is it a spirit guide, or gaurdian to the forest; is it a lycanthrope, or being controlled by evil spirits; or is it just a curious bear?