The Fear of Help

So I haven’t posted for a while, which is not my usual pattern. But, sometimes life get s really hard and then other things move into the place of writing and the posting. And that is okay.
I am forever grateful for the people in our lives that will drop everything to come when I speak the words “I need help.” They are not words that I use easily, or lightly, and when spoken, they cause me physical pain.
Sad isn’t it; sad that sometimes the hardest thing that we can do is to ask for others to help us? I remember my dear friend Jill looking at me once and asking me “Why do you feel like you must carry so many things by yourself?” I, of course, had no good answer for the other than to think to myself, “I just do.”
It is not okay – no one has to carry off all of their burdens alone – there is always an outlet, sometimes in places that we never expected there to be help. And I fully admit that I know there is help, but I am just afraid to ask for it.
Where does that fear come from? Is it from the misguided sense that I must be strong at all costs? To show no fear or weakness? To just plow through every problem and force it away?
None of that is realistic, and I am very good at preaching to my clients and to families that I work with that there is a responsibility as a caregiver and a family member to ask for help to ensure that the one seen as the pillar of strength does not go down. Because if that happens, then no one is okay – and THAT is a bigger fear to me than asking for help.
Such life lessons we learn every day – those that are strong need support as well. Don’t be fooled by the “I am fine” and “Things are good” comments by those around you that you know are working hard. Everyone needs a friend; everyone needs a shoulder to help carry the load; everyone needs a break once in a while, even if it is a break that they do not want to take.
Be kind to yourself and remember that you do not need to carry the load alone – asking for help is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.

3 Comments

I am my husband joes caregiver and wife of almost 39 yrs..he suffered tbi/stroke aug 17,2005, we are olkd campaignors..I find its not asking for help that im hesitant about, im concerned of the quality of care my joe will receive, if I even go away for the day..most of the time there isn’t anybody I trust with joe, joe is a viet nam combat vet, and being married to a combat vet, is much different than just having to deal with the tbi /stroke and his paralysis, he has ptsd , and other health issues form viet nam,veterans wives and family members deal with totally different issues than civilians..trust is a big issue with members of the armed services especially those who saw combat..joes’ injury was a m/c accident..so there are different issues than combat related tbi..would like to see more support in any of these issues..many blessings