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Golfer John Daly's wife went to prison Friday for a drug and
money-laundering scam. He himself loves to eat, drink and gamble.
The last time a couple combined for five out of the seven deadly
sins, the wife made out all right but the husband was impeached.

The Egyptian Navy rushed to rescue Egyptian ferry boat
passengers on Friday after the vessel capsized in a storm and sank
into the Red Sea. Egypt rejected Israel's offer to help. It was
too late by then to show them how Moses did the trick.

Bill Clinton said Friday he believes the White House should
obtain warrants before eavesdropping on Americans. He said he
tapped five new lines a week but always got a judge's permission.
Of course he was always in court so it wasn't that inconvenient.

Hillary Clinton reported Friday that she received a campaign
contribution from John Kerry's wife Teresa. The senator's wife is
switching her allegiance. Teresa gave up on her husband when he said
he was in favor of invading Iran unless we get bogged down afterwards.

Brokeback Mountain swept the Academy Award nominations
Tuesday. The movie was an achievement from a technical point of
view. When the sheep kept a straight face during the love scenes,
everyone agreed it was the best animal training since Lassie.

John Daly's reality show on the Golf Channel caused
controversy Tuesday. The opening episode shows him packing six
cases of beer for an all-expenses-paid trip to St. Andrews. It's a
federal crime to impersonate a member of the U.S. Congress.

President Bush went to Albuquerque Friday and asked Congress
to provide more money for math and science programs. He's up
against modern education. To suggest that there is only one
correct answer to a math problem could stunt a child's emotional growth.

Mexican Army soldiers were caught on videotape Friday
crossing the U.S. border into Texas. The soldiers drove Texas
sheriffs into retreat as they escorted drug smugglers into
America. Maybe if we stopped calling them the Mexican Army and
started calling them al-Qaesadilla we might get some funding for
border patrol.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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