I agree with those who say you should have just nixed the restaurant in the first place. And I'm also one who is surprised your daughter didn't run interference on your behalf.

I have no allergies, but if the choices of restaurants includes food I don't like, for whatever reason, I'll say so. To be honest, if someone had suggested Chili's I'd be the first one saying no to that and suggesting an alternative.

And that's the idea. Don't just suggest an alternative, but say no as well. I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with saying something like, "Benihana's doesn't work for me, can we do Chili's instead?" Then they can come back with a counter offer if Chili's isn't to their liking.

In the end, I think you handled it well as far as working it out at the restaurant. I would have just avoided the dilemma of the table by not going there in the first place.

Thinking from the other side - as if one of the other people in the group, I would much rather know that there is an issue (allergy, don't like) than to take you some place that you can't get anything to eat or that might make you ill.

Speak up next time. Be direct (no hinting, or just suggesting other places). Explain your allergy, ask politely for another type of restaurant. There has to be a place that appeals to all and meets everyone's needs.

Need to Change

I agree with those who say you should have just nixed the restaurant in the first place. And I'm also one who is surprised your daughter didn't run interference on your behalf.

I have no allergies, but if the choices of restaurants includes food I don't like, for whatever reason, I'll say so. To be honest, if someone had suggested Chili's I'd be the first one saying no to that and suggesting an alternative.

And that's the idea. Don't just suggest an alternative, but say no as well. I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with saying something like, "Benihana's doesn't work for me, can we do Chili's instead?" Then they can come back with a counter offer if Chili's isn't to their liking.

In the end, I think you handled it well as far as working it out at the restaurant. I would have just avoided the dilemma of the table by not going there in the first place.

This is good, but if there's an allergy/intolerance/restriction involved, that does carries more weight than a preference, and (yucky though it feels), the affected person should mention it. Otherwise, "majority rules!" automatically carries the day, and everyone involved may regret that later. A very few words should do it. No need to pull out one's full medical record.

Similarly, if, due to allergy, only a tiny number of restaurants are even possible, that should be mentioned, too.

Interesting that you say that because I was about to say the exact opposite. I don't think the allergy need be mentioned at all. I mean, sure, you can mention it if you feel the need. But in my opinion, people's preferences absolutely do need to be taken into account when a group is making a decision on what restaurant to go to.

It would take some amount of coercion to get me to go to Chili's. And if I were to say, "sorry, I don't like Chili's, can we go to BRC instead?" for example, and someone were to say, "No, I insist, we're going to Chili's regardless of the fact that you don't like it" well, honestly I don't know how I would react because I simply can't imagine someone saying that.

It's one thing if someone is hosting and invites everyone. "Please join us at Chili's for a celebration dinner that we're hosting." Then fine, Chili's it is and I'll make do. But if it's a group dinner as in, "Let's all go out to dinner to celebrate. How about Chili's?", then it's neither rude nor even out of the ordinary for someone else to say no to Chili's, for whatever reason, spoken or not, and suggest an alternative.

On mentioning allergies, when dealing with people you don't know, I think it would be really difficult to just categorically nix a restaurant and not provide at least something by way of explanation.

It's not required, of course, but I'd feel awkward doing that, and then I'd worry about how it came across. That's partly because I'm not sure how I'd react if the popular choice got vetoed without much explanation by someone I didn't know.

On mentioning allergies, when dealing with people you don't know, I think it would be really difficult to just categorically nix a restaurant and not provide at least something by way of explanation.

It's not required, of course, but I'd feel awkward doing that, and then I'd worry about how it came across. That's partly because I'm not sure how I'd react if the popular choice got vetoed without much explanation by someone I didn't know.

POD. Especially as there is a chance that you might be dining out with that group of people regularly in the future.

I agree with those who say you should have just nixed the restaurant in the first place. And I'm also one who is surprised your daughter didn't run interference on your behalf.

I have no allergies, but if the choices of restaurants includes food I don't like, for whatever reason, I'll say so. To be honest, if someone had suggested Chili's I'd be the first one saying no to that and suggesting an alternative.

And that's the idea. Don't just suggest an alternative, but say no as well. I don't think there's a thing in the world wrong with saying something like, "Benihana's doesn't work for me, can we do Chili's instead?" Then they can come back with a counter offer if Chili's isn't to their liking.

In the end, I think you handled it well as far as working it out at the restaurant. I would have just avoided the dilemma of the table by not going there in the first place.

This is good, but if there's an allergy/intolerance/restriction involved, that does carries more weight than a preference, and (yucky though it feels), the affected person should mention it. Otherwise, "majority rules!" automatically carries the day, and everyone involved may regret that later. A very few words should do it. No need to pull out one's full medical record.

Similarly, if, due to allergy, only a tiny number of restaurants are even possible, that should be mentioned, too.

Also, if the reason is given, others will not waste time suggesting restaurants that also are obviously unacceptable. The conversation can turn back easily to figuring out where to go without anyone having to say "no, that won't work either" a million times in a row.

Of course, if the allergy is to something less obvious, then the last line of the above post is even more important.

I think you did just fine, and kudo's to BF's family for being so considerate. I understand how it is not easy to think fast when you're also concerned about making a good impression and wanting to make sure you are not coming across as domineering or snowflakey.

I think sweets' wording is good to have in your back pocket next time this might come up:

I think you handled the situation pretty well, but in the future, don't be afraid to speak up about your restrictions when you discuss options. The need to quickly kibosh the grill seating may have been avoided if you had simply said, "The hibachi sounds like fun, but I'm allergic to mushrooms and seafood. Will I be able to find anything?"

Others have answered your specific question and I agree that you handled it just fine.

One thing I will say though is that hibachi places will often make you a separate plate from the kitchen to avoid cross contamination and then your companions would be able to see the show and you would still be safe. I mention that only because my DH is allergic to shrimp. Most of the time they just leave the shrimp until the very end and do it once he's been served, but a couple places have made him a plate from the kitchen and brought it out around the time our entrees were finished.

Your should ALWAYS feel comfortable speaking up about allergies - that isn't the same as being a picky eater and it doesn't make you an SS to mention it. But - if you like the experience of the grill or want to not shut that option off, you might consider the kitchen plate option.

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Need to Change

Back in my pre-restriction days, I'd get ruled out by the majority on occasion. Still do, sometimes, if I can at least get a coffee or iced tea ... and if I'm not starving. Most of the time, simple planning on my part keeps "starvation" at bay, but a long day of meetings or other activities can spoil the best laid plans. So, yes, I will (briefly) mention my intolerance, and try to suggest places where I can eat, even if the local possibilities aren't my favorites.

I also try to avoid the need to say "no" to a long list of restaurants or food items. That's just annoying for everyone involved!