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Read a Highly Distressing Coloring Book from 1953

THE point of this colouring book was to teach the youngsters of 1953 good safety lessons via the alphabet. From a perspective of 60 years later, some of these lessons seem, well, I think “distressing” is the best word I can come up with. See for yourself.

This one isn’t particularly bad – I show it to you so you’ll have an idea how this book is arranged. For each letter of the alphabet, the folks at Star publications deliver a nice little message of safety. This one teaches kids that killing Native Americans is fun.

According to this charming colouring book, “Goof” will soon be taking his lunches from a straw. Yet, as troubling as Goof’s imminent demise is, nothing beats this next one….

Did this coloring book really just call this kid an idiot? We’re so much more sensitive to a child’s delicate feelings these days, that simply would never fly in 2014. Just be glad I didn’t show you the previous page: “‘H’ stands for ‘Horrible Retard'”.

Ride Hooking!! You mean this was a thing? I grew up in the 1970s; a time when seat belts were generally buried within the crevices of the backseat and never used. Even then, the idea of transportation via bumper would have been a tad extreme.

Yeesh. They may as well have said that “U is for Undertaker”. I don’t know about you, but it looks to me like Sissy is about to straight up die.

Our coloring book certainly has taken a macabre turn. As if the “U” wasn’t troubling enough – now we’re staring death directly in the eyes. For the next colouring book I recommend “C is for Charred Remains” and “S is for Stomach Pump”.

Well, that’s all the morbid coloring pages I can handle for today. Until next ti – wait… Don’t do it, Timmy! STOP!!!