March 9, 2010

Sir M sent an email to me with a subject line that made my heart leap: “New Rule.”

The message explained that I am to keep on my webcam on at all times when I’m at home so he can see if I’m there when he logs onto his computer. This way, he can easily drop in on me when he wants to. I’ve never used my webcam for personal communications, only for business calls, so I set up a new account for his eyes only with great excitement.

Had any other man told he he’d be constantly monitoring me on webcam so he could peek into my private life, I’d have been really angry. But with Sir M, it makes sense in the context of our Dom/sub relationship. The webcam gives him another way to dominate me that extends beyond our sessions together. It’s a subversive thrill to think of him dropping in on me and being ready for him any time. Sir M has earned the gift of my submission and so I gladly offer him access to my home life and my secrets.

On camera

I can’t see him on webcam — he does not have one. I really don’t mind this one-way communication. Being submissive can mean being on unequal footing with him if he chooses. He uses the audio to speak with me and I stare at his frozen avatar on screen. We never actually speak on the phone so this is the best way for him to stay present.

I adapted quickly and found that I really enjoy having the webcam ready for him to eavesdrop on my life. In fact, one day recently he told me his electricity would be off all day and not to bother with the webcam, and I was genuinely disappointed!

I use the webcam on my laptop because I can move it to different rooms with as I putter around my apartment. When I’m cooking I set it on the dining room table and forget about it. He doesn’t care if I’m in unglamorous sweats or in underwear (or less) so I feel perfectly comfortable with keeping the camera on. If I’m not alone and don’t want him dropping in, I simply turn it off.

Sexy time

Once I realized the power I can have using the webcam, it became even more compelling. I found I could excite and tease Sir M remotely by removing my clothing on camera nonchalantly during normal conversation. We can be chatting about my day and my shirt suddenly lifts up to reveal a breast as the camera pans down to the nipple. I can be talking to him on webcam and put the laptop down on the couch so the camera points between my legs, as I happen to be wearing a miniskirt with no panties.

Instant Panty-cam! Or I may be straightening up the house naked in anticipation of his “visit” via webcam. I just love the pause and surprise in his voice when he discovers my naughtiness and encourages more of it.

Once I’m topless I lick my index finger and roll it around my nipple to get his attention. I’ll pull on the hoop piercings in both nipples, making sure he can see. And when things progress he has me “entertain him” — meaning I must masturbate on camera for him. The laptop comes in really handy because I can bring it into the bedroom and really entertain him.

I have gotten completely lost in these sessions playing with myself as he takes firm (remote) control — narrating and pushing me to do outrageous things. When he yells “Cum for me bitch!” it’s as if he is with me in my bedroom. My hands work more furiously because I want to please him and cum hard for him. This also helps train me to be able to have forced orgasms to the sound of his voice.

I’m sure Sir M would love to watch me have sex with J via webcam but I know J wouldn’t like this idea. (J is my on-and-off lover who has seen me through some wild times in my sexual evolution.) I’m an exhibitionist at heart and I’d love to have a sex partner who would be into having Sir M watch us go at it.

(If you think that’s you, send me a tweet!)

Special guest appearances

Lately I’ve gotten more brazen with the webcam. I’ve been leaving the webcam on when friends visit, but not always mentioning it to them. Sir M once dropped in on a visit from one of my close friends, who came over for dinner while I was speaking with him. I was vaguely aware of his monitoring, but it didn’t affect our evening at all. Our conversations sounded like a raunchy episode from Sex and the City — we talked about men, online dating, cock sucking, menopause, shoes, weekend plans and of course gossiped about friends. He listened curiously for a while until we moved the laptop to make room for dinner and the audio was drowned out by music.

I imagined him at home in his office, leaning back in a big leather office chair, possibly smoking a cigar and watching this home-made reality show of my apartment. I like imagining him at home because in real life I’m not allowed to look him in the eye and it’s hard to get a complete vision of him. In my imagination, at the other end of my webcam, I can look straight at him without any consequences. I imagine him with a smirking grin, pleased that I’ve brought him another pretty girl to look at and more secrets to share.

Naked blogging

Even now as I write this on my laptop I know he may drop in and watch me and that’s exciting. Why exciting? It’s funny to me that someone would even be interested in me enough to watch me at home doing nothing. It feels so wrong to willingly give up my privacy to anyone. Of course, being a pervert, I am naturally drawn to and turned on by things that we are told are wrong.

In the future I’ve promised him a naked blogging session on webcam featuring myself and another female blogger. After all my duty is to serve and please him and in doing so, I hope to provide lots of pretty girls for him to look at and meet on webcam. He’s so persuasive he can probably talk some of them into meeting his flogger.

This is definitely not going to turn into a Bravo series The Real Subs of Los Angeles! However I’m enjoying doing this reality show for one.

Daisy TraLaLA (@daisytralala) is a saucy Angelino kinkster who glides with ease between the worlds of tech, art, cuisine, electronica and dungeon parties. Check back every Tuesday for posts from her journey to the most divine surrender.

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That Steam allows the objectification and sexualization of female characters in a variety of its games but refuses to accept a game about actually engaging with women in a more interactive fashion is astonishingly backward.

That the site doesn’t take measures to protect user content and has shown incompetence or negligence in regard to user privacy, all the while prohibiting victims from warning others about predatory behavior creates an environment where it is nearly impossible for members of the community to take care of themselves and one another. By enabling FetLife to continue espousing a code of silence, allowing the spinning self-created security issues as “attacks,” and not pointing out how disingenuous FetLife statements about safety are, we are allowing our community to become a breeding ground for exploitation.

Should people who benefit (parents, siblings, children, roommates!) from the earnings of “commercial sex acts” (any sexual conduct connected to the giving or receiving of something of value) be charged with human trafficking? Should someone who creates obscene material that is deemed “deviant” be charged as with human trafficking? Should someone who profits from obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should people transporting obscene materials be charged with human trafficking? Should a person who engages in sex with someone claiming to be above the age of consent or furnishing a fake ID to this effect be charged with human trafficking? What if I told you the sentences for that kind of conviction were eight, 14 or 20 years in prison, a fine not to exceed $500,000, and life as a registered sex offender?

If you are a woman, you might be given a chance to prove yourself in this community. Since there is no standard definition of what a “geek” is and it will vary from one judge to the next anyway, chances of failing are high (cake and grief counseling will be available after the conclusion of the test!). If you somehow manage to succeed, you’ll be tested again and again by anyone who encounters you until you manage to establish yourself like, say, Felicia Day. But even then, you’ll be questioned. As a woman, your whole existence within the geek community will be nothing but a series of tests — if you’re lucky. If you aren’t lucky, you’ll be harassed and threatened and those within the culture will tacitly agree that you deserve it.

Zak’s original field, it turns out, is economics, a far cry from the hearts and teddy bears we imagine when we consider his nickname. But after performing experiments on generosity, Zak stumbled on the importance of trust in interactions, which led him, rather inevitably, to research about oxytocin. Oxytocin, you might remember, is a hormone that has been linked previously to bonding — between mothers and children primarily, but also between partners. What Zak has done is take the research a step further, arguing in his recent book, The Moral Molecule, that oxytocin plays a role in determining whether we are good or evil.

Let’s talk about the strippers. Whether they like to be half-naked or not, whether they enjoy turning you on or not, there’s one thing they all have in common: they’re working. Whether you think that taking one’s clothes off for money is a great choice of career is really beside the point (is it a possibility for you to make $500 per hour at your job without a law degree? Just asking). These women are providing fantasy, yes, but that is their job. And as a patron of the establishment where they work, you need to treat them like you would anyone else who provides a service to you.

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Sex and the 405 is what your newspaper would look like if it had a sex section.

Here you’ll find news about the latest research being conducted to figure out what drives desire, passion, and other sex habits; reviews of sex toys, porn and other sexy things; coverage of the latest sex-related news that have our mainstream media's panties up in a bunch; human interest pieces about sex and desire; interviews with people who love sex, or hate sex, or work in sex, or work to enable you to have better sex; opinion pieces that relate to sex and society; and the sex-related side of celebrity gossip. More...