Please, Enough With The Shtick, Stephen Colbert

These are the first words I’ve written since the election, which did not go the way I’d hoped. On Wednesday I barely got out of bed. I felt paralyzed by the whole thing. I’ve now hit the bargaining stage of, “Well, Trump seems to like repairing infrastructure. So maybe that could be good? If he focused all his time on that, well, that would keep him preoccupied until 2021.” On Wednesday night I decided to take solace with some comedy. It can help. I had already watched Seth Meyers’ monologue (which was released early online), which was fantastic. It was the perfect tone of speaking to us, his audience, about his own fears, mixed with some comedy about apple picking. I smiled for the first time since Tuesday night.

Stephen Colbert’s Late Show was broadcasting another live show on Wednesday night and I thought watching this could bring more comfort. I am desperate for comfort right now! And The Colbert Report used to bring me comfort. Now, Colbert has already been run through the ringer a bit for his bizarre live election night performance. I kind of want to give him a pass for this because no one saw this coming. Not even President-elect Trump (!!!) saw this coming. So an, let’s say, erratic show might be expected while the election results are processed live.

On Wednesday night I wanted to hear from Colbert. I wanted to hear him tell us things would be okay. Actually, he could have told us things won’t be okay. He could have told me anything. I was ready to listen. After a monologue that was fine, but seemed a little too lighthearted considering the circumstances, it was the time in the show Colbert could have sat behind the desk and just talked to us, his audience, about what has happened. Instead, Colbert decided to do shtick. A large image of God appeared on the ceiling and Colbert had a conversation with God. For the life of me, I can’t figure out the mindset here. “God” appears and says, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” I honestly don’t understand what they are thinking over there.

This is why Colbert’s show is failing. On a night people just wanted to hear from Colbert and have him talk to us like adults about what happened, he punted. What happened to the Colbert who criticized George W. Bush to his face at the Whitehouse Correspondent Dinner? Why does Colbert keep punting? He punted when he had Trump as a guest (Colbert now admits he didn’t do a good job with that interview) and now, when people just wanted to see something real, he punted again. We got shtick. When Colbert drops his guard and gives us something real, he can be passionate and moving. But he does that so infrequently. And last night, more than any other night, called for it. But instead we got shtick.

I’ve been thinking more about why we liked The Colbert Report so much. And to be honest, I’m not sure it would have worked quite as well as it did without Jon Stewart as its lead in. Together, it was a perfect hour of political comedy. Jon Stewart spoke to us as adults about what was happening, pointing out the lunacy and hypocrisy of any given day – then Colbert would skew it even further, almost bringing it full circle. It was a symbiotic relationship. Now, Colbert has a full hour, on network television, and he’s trying to do a watered down version of both. It’s not working and Wednesday night was a huge glaring example of why.

Some people are hurting right now. But we got Colbert talking to a “God” who says, “That’s my name, don’t wear it out.” His show will probably never succeed until he learns how to consistently be himself. People like him, but we rarely see him. No one wants “shtick” right now.

There’s an obscure Bruce Springsteen song called “30 Days Out” that was recorded for the Human Touch album, but only released as a b side to “Leap of Faith.” There’s a line that sticks out to me right now,

In your smile there’s a sign in red/It said ‘Thousand miles of hard road dead ahead.’

That’s us right now. It hasn’t really even started yet, but that thousand miles of hard road is coming. But it would help tremendously to have a viable Stephen Colbert. And from what I saw on Wednesday night, that isn’t happening.

Mike Ryan lives in New York City and has written for The Huffington Post, Wired, Vanity Fair and New York magazine. He is senior entertainment writer at Uproxx. You can contact him directly on Twitter.

This is like the people in the comments section on this site that complain about the writers, only worse because this person is never going to read this. You got paid to write an extended comments section entry about how sad you are. Kinda funny, really.

This is why them shutting down ksk was such a poor decision – it was the one thing on this site that actually had a consistent voice, no matter how offbeat it got, it at least you knew what they were going for even if you didn’t find it that funny.

Now their articles oftentimes come out with no point, such as this one. Doesn’t really connect with anyone but the authors point of view is at least very clear. I guess bare minimum there’s that…

I thought this site couldn’t get any worse, then I read this. If instead of writing stupid comments about Trump on every article, people actually went out and supported their Canada team, the outcome could have been different.

Now every article is goofing to be about how sad it is, I need comforting. What Clinton loving celeb can make me feel like things will be ok.

He cut the shtick and talked to us on his Showtime show (which was pretty damn fun by the way). And if you say the outcome had yet to be decided during the show then you didn’t watch the show because that’s about as somber and real as a talk show gets — at least outside of post-mass shooting airings. What more do you want him to say? He did his part — he went off-script, looked straight at the camera and talked to it, to whoever was watching, like they were in the same room. “Oh, Colbert, please speak to me! I’m in need! Oh, I’m sooooo in neeeed! Me, he who is so very distraught right now, oh woe, thy name is meeee!”

Maybe his show is struggling in certain areas, but overall it has certainly improved and settled into a nice rhythm, I think. So… how ’bout you be a big boy and don’t get offended when talk show hosts don’t look you in the eye?

Did you not see his closing monologue from Tuesday night? I’m pretty sure he laid everything out there. Yes, last night was a little more schticky, but we saw him react in real time the night before and I thought he ended up closing pretty well.

Barely go out of bed? Seriously? Jesus! What is it with you people? Did The Uproxx office pass around kleenex Wednesday morning? Did you have a group hug and assure each other it’ll be alright? It must be hard to realize a years worth of “journalism” went to waste because you had zero influence on the outcome but get over yourselves.

Ultimately, Mr. Ryan, Donald J. Trump (have no clue what the middle initial stands for — as far as I’m concerned it’s J.) will be the next president of these United States. Though that statement just hit me over the head again, it’s, well…, it’s true. There’s a damn photo with Trump sitting next to Obama in the White House for fuck’s sake.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself or think your pity party is that much more expensive than others. You hurt as much as the next person who voted for Hillary. No more. No less. So don’t put this on Colbert. What you should have wrote about was how candid and calming and accepting those five minutes he spoke to the viewers were. But you didn’t… because you didn’t do your homework. You didn’t put any thought into this except your own.

Mike Ryan: You live and work in a bubble. Whether you like it or not, half of the country voted to elect Donald Trump President this week. The country doesn’t need comforting from their comedy shows. You know what they need? Comedy.

If Clinton had gotten a few thousand more votes in Pennsylvania and Michigan, she would have been elected President. In that scenario, half the country would have voted for Donald Trump and seen him lose. Would you say the country needs comforting then?

Half the country is happy. Half the country is upset. Just like every other election. How about a comedian goes ahead and does comedy on his comedy show instead of trying to cater to adult babies who can’t bear to wake up because the wrong politician got elected?