Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Sacred

When my older brother, Bobby, was fifteen-years-old, he wore a retainer. Upon receiving it, there were lectures from my parents about crooked teeth and the value of a dollar which he heeded for the most part, accept on one occasion; that day the rather expensive little appliance that should have been put back safely in his mouth was discarded along with his lunch bag and forgotten. When my mother picked us up from school that afternoon, she questioned him about it and then, oh no, he remembered. So they walked back to the cafeteria and were told that the trash had already been emptied to which my mother replied, “Where?” and they were lead to the large gray dumpster in the school parking lot.

“Well,” mom said to Bobby matter-of- factly, “let’s get started.” My brother’s face then contorted into an expression of horror, realizing all of a sudden her ingenious plan. “I have to get in there!?” he whined, pointing ahead to the sour smelling pile of refuse containing sights and textures he didn't want to look at, much less wade through. “It was pretty gross,” mom remembers, when asked to tell me the story again from her perspective, “but there was no way we were going to pay for a brand new retainer when I knew that a perfectly good one was hiding somewhere within all that garbage.” Fully understanding he had no leverage with which to bargain, Bobby took a deep breath and joined our mother in foraging through food scraps and brown paper bags for a napkin containing the dental apparatus they’d hoped would be discovered sooner, much sooner, rather than later.

Figuring this was Bobby’s lesson to learn, I’d laid low up until this point on a bench pretending to do my homework. I’d been happily forgotten about until my brother opened a sack inside which was my entire lunch (packed lovingly that morning by my considerate mother) completely uneaten - most likely because I’d scrounged up enough change to buy soda and some French fries instead. It was my turn, then, to feel the frustration of an over worked and under appreciated parent standing knee deep in filth and gazing disappointedly upon her irresponsible son and wasteful daughter. Eventually, believe it or not, they would find that lost retainer and Bobby would manage to hang on to it for another seven years. I, meanwhile, would be schooled on the concept of a "budget” and how purchasing items at a grocery store only to throw them away unconsumed is generally considered "poor stewardship". For kids growing up within a culture infamous around the globe for its flippancy and excess, developing a sense of gratitude for the necessities that nourish and sustain us can be difficult.

Twenty-years later, I am contemplating on my mother’s plight. Our children are at that age where when they ask you for a bomb pop from the ice cream truck and your response is, “I don’t have money for that right now,” they look at you suspiciously because of course you have money – you’re an adult! I can’t blame them, really; it sure does appear like everything is accessible, at least if you want it badly enough. Credit cards, adjustable rate mortgages, and divorce lawyers are great for plowing through all kinds of pesky barriers between the happiness we deserve and our state of discontent; nothing's out of reach in this day and age. This is why, perhaps, the Orthodox Faith, to many Americans, seems especially austere, and dare I say it, even somewhat superstitious what with all those sacramental hoops one must jump through to get to God.

Throughout the early stages of my conversion, during conversations with friends who questioned the appropriateness of a theology endorsing formal confession, fasting before Eucharist, overly scripted services and a whole host of other hocus- pocusy looking practices such as chanting, incense burning, candle lighting and icon kissing, I fumbled through attempted explanations on the balance between wanting to earn God’s approval and presumptuously assuming that no efforts are required. I was still in analytical mode, trying to win over my well- intentioned skeptics with the perfect combination of Scriptural and historical facts, but a deep-seated appreciation for the resurgence of holiness within our spiritually lackadaisical society is best understood by way of first-hand experience. Until your own soul has transcended the innate limitations of time, casualness, and rationality, it is hard to comprehend how respect for Christ in the form of an adherence to ancient traditions and asceticism can actually magnify God’s grace and goodness.

This past week, my son, Benjamin, unearthed a bright red egg from within the ominous recesses of our refrigerator.

“Cool, mom,” he said, “Look at this! Can I eat it?”

“That’s probably not a good idea,” I answered, before going on to explain how dairy products are susceptible to spoilage if not consumed in a timely manner. The question that we then had to ask ourselves was what to do with something that had been part of a basket full of treats, all blessed by our priest after the Paschal Divine Liturgy. I’ll tell you, it was a privilege – an honor to pass on to my family our Orthodox conviction that there certainly remains in this world plenty of things to take very seriously. “We believe,” I told them, “as Orthodox Christians, that because this egg was set aside and sprinkled with holy water for the purpose of celebrating Jesus’ Resurrection, it would be better to bury or burn it than to let it sit and mingle with old and stinky trash in a garbage dump. This made perfect sense to my children, whose hearts have not yet become tainted by more "mature" tendencies toward the embracing of cynicism - toward a lack of admiration for ceremonious displays of reverence.

The kids and I grabbed a shovel from the garage and loosened a patch of soil next to our strawberry plants. Priscilla carefully laid the egg in the space we had created for it; it’s brilliant shade of crimson contrasting dramatically with those subdued tones in the surrounding rocks and grass. I’d been impatient that morning, more flustered than usual by the bickering, and accumulating chores hindering substantially my ability to rejoice in God’s provisions. Having to pause in the middle of my busyness in order to dispose deferentially of a Paschal leftover, a symbol of our victory over death, was like a calming yet firm hand being placed upon my shoulder directing my attention away from the draining weariness of motherhood and onto the goal of Salvation. Rather than deflecting from His redemptive work on the cross, I promise you that the richness I see, smell, hear, taste, and touch within the Orthodox Church, throughout this journey toward the Kingdom of Heaven, makes me all the more aware of my dependence upon Christ's compassion - makes me that much more grateful for these tangible and sacred opportunities to be reminded of His mercy.

11 comments:

Molly that was really precious. As a non-Orthodox Christian your faith and traditions really inspire me and make me think more deeply about my own faith. I hope if I am ever blessed with kids I hope I will be half the mother you are, the way you deal with and love your kids is amazing, I am making mental notes of mothering tips from your stories! Thankyou :)

Oh, I remember losing my retainer in a lunch bag, too. I think I remembered in time and was able to find it. My mom might have made me dig through all that trash, too!

On a side note, I had no idea you wrote for MOPs! That is so cool! I'm co-coordinator for my group this coming year and the following year I'll be on my own, unless I can talk someone into doing it with me. I'm already stressing about finding speakers when I'm in charge, since I don't attend the host church (although it is my former church). In fact, I've already found it a little hard since this group is so evangelical and people tend to forget that not only do I not attend the church (since I used to and a lot of people still remember me) but don't seem to know that I'm Orthodox or what that even means.

Are you in MOPs? If you are (or were) how do you handle straddling two worlds? This has really been a struggle for me in several areas of my life. I don't want to "Orthodox-ize" my group, but I would love to bring in some variety of teaching and influence. I would love to have someone like you come teach! Do you have speaking videos? Or suggestions for topics or other videos? I didn't mean to totally hijack your comments here, but I'd really appreciate your feedback. If you'd rather respond to me by email, it's tessertime-at-gmail.com. Thanks!

I just want to thank you, again, for reading these stories and allowing me to share a little of my life with you. As much as I would love to be a perfect mom and wife and friend and Christian, the bottom line is that I really struggle and because I struggle I must cling to the Church and her teachings. It brings me so much comfort and courage to know that you also find the same strength and same hope in Christ.

Regarding the red egg in the picture, Father James, I used special effects on a website called http://picnik.com that allows you to edit your own photos. It is very fun to work with!

Hi Lucy!

Although I have written a few pieces for MOPS, I am not a member of a MOPS group. I like that as an organization, however, they try not to affiliate themselves with one specific denomination or even one "Type" of mother (i.e stay at home, working, single, moms etc) but for some reason (probably just my own lack of initiative)I never got hooked up with them. I could see, though, how as a leader it might be a bit awkward to be the only Orthodox Christian. Since I am by NO means a parenting, discipline, or organizational expert, what I do tend to talk about, and for that matter like to hear about, is more of the interior struggles of being a mother. I think great topics, especially for new moms, include loneliness, insecurity, marriage, perseverance, ways to pace oneself and forgive oneself on a daily basis. I know for myself, what I crave even more than advice is fellowship and empathy. If I think of any specific books or videos, I will e-mail you!

Thanks so much for your reply! I agree with you and I think that for most moms, the real benefit is from the fellowship and time getting to know other moms. Fortunately, I don't have to do any speaking myself if I don't want to. But since we have to have the "educational" side to it, I will have to arrange speakers for the next year. I would love suggestions for videos, if you think of any. And if YOU ever make a speaking video, I'd be very interested in it.

Have you ever read Holly Pierlot's Mother's Rule of Life? You might really like it. She's Catholic and writes about the idea of motherhood as a vocation and has a Rule that revolves around 5 Ps - Prayer, Person, Partner, Parent and... something. LOL! Anyway, I really liked it and my Bible study group went through it three times. You'd think I'd remember the fifth P. :)

The book that Lucy mentioned is a good one, especially trying to figure out how the day should go homeschooling 4...I say "should" because, naturally, there should be room for flexibility. But after applying some of Holly's "rules" you'll notice quality time on your hands -- honestly.Funny, I can't remember the other "P", either. I'd go find the book but it is packed away -- out of sight until after the big move.

About Me

I am a mother, a wife, a sister, a daughter and a friend. I am also an Orthodox Christian, a columnist for the Handmaiden, a podcaster for Ancient Faith Radio and the author of, "Close to Home: one orthodox mother's quest for patience, peace and perseverance." To find out more about my book, visit http://closetohome.ning.com.