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This guy is like the Reddit King of Condoms - he manufactures them in Europe. The Magnums flare out so that they are larger at the top but they aren't any bigger at the base... effectively NOT really helping guys who are bigger all around, all the way down.

My best friend is a sex educator and actually has a purse called a safe sax and it is clear covered in little pockets filled with condoms she hands out to whomever asks. She also carries dental dams and lube along with pamphlets. I love hearing her stories of riding the metrolink and the looks she gets with it but she is willing to do it to promote safety.

I did this in high school. I went and bought 40 condoms from the local health department ($8.) I kept them in my locker and handed them out to anyone who asked. I'm sure most of them went to teenage boys (and probably girls, because I know I did) taking them and examining them, blowing them up, etc, but some of them went to safe sex.

I was one of the first in my closest group of friends to lose my virginity, and for about two years I always made sure I had condoms with me justincase... I had friends ask me if they could swipe a couple more than once.

I used to carry condoms all the time, as a just in case for friends as well as for myself. People used to give me so much crap for it if they found out I carried them, but fuck them. At least I'm being safe and making sure my friends are as well.

It's not just about the push to always wear a condom but also for safer sex practices in general. Condoms and regular testing should be a must with casual encounters. Going bareback is more acceptable if two people are in a trusting relationship and have been recently tested.

Recent testing is fine but there's a long window after sleeping with a new partner before you can be sure you're negative. You need to wait at least a month before you'd get something like a 80% confidence result that you're negative. If you want 99%, wait 6 months.

Depending on the test you get, you have the following time frames:
NAT test (can only discover HIV-1 which by a significant margin is the dominant in the western world) can discover HIV after only 12-14 days. It is however an expensive test
Combo test (checks for both HIV-1 and 2) can discover HIV after 8 weeks
the old tests has been improves, so you no longer need to wait 6 months, you have to wait 12 weeks if i remember correctly.

A chain of trust is only as fragile as its weakest link. You have to remember that if you trust a couple of people and those trust more a couple each and so on, soon you will be blindly trusting the whole population.

You can have trust with more than just one person though. There are trios, quads, and other arrangements where the members stay within the network exclusively. They trust each other. In many such arrangements, having sex outside the group would be infidelity. It's polyamory, not monogamy, but still based on trust.

I recall before we had sex I asked her for a condom and she rolled her eyes like "Oh he wants a condom, lame."

Huge red flag. When women act like this it fucking scares me.

Why arent woman more concerned about condoms?

I think being on birth control makes some just not care. The average person also seems to be blissfully ignorant when it comes to sexual intercourse in general. Lack of information and just not giving a shit makes for a dangerous combination.

Honestly, as a woman, I feel many of my fellow gender members aren't as concerned because they're almost entitled, for lack of a better word.

They think sex is about them and that everything revolved around them. A lot of these same women go out partying or other various activities and think nothing bad could ever happen to them, they don't deserve that, they could never catch an STD.

I'm certainly not saying all, but every girl I met who has multiple partners and wasn't insistent on condoms behaved this way. My best friend contracted herpes, and her words were "This isn't fair, I don't deserve this!" yet she had been sleeping around with a different guy every 2-3 days and never used condoms.

It's just like wreck less/drunk/unsafe drivers - it can never happen to me, because I'm too awesome. Until that one day you cause a wreck, and you're dead/injured or someone else is.

tl;dr it can always happen to you, stop thinking you're too awesome for it to.

I had this happen to me twice. I expressed I wanted to use a condom, but the women sort of reacted in a negative way. In the heat if the moment, I made the stupid choice. Thankfully I never caught anything, and now I'm confident enough to refuse sex that isn't safe.

The stupid thing is that I'm mysophobic and suffer with terrible anxiety, and I put myself through torment with frantically getting tested after the encounters. (Even as far as having panic attacks at the thought) Thank god for my awesome insurance that allowed me to clear my mind.

Honestly, the first time I did it was just to lose my virginity. The girl was sort of my dream girl (it was like out of a teen movie plot I swear) and I didn't want to refuse. The second time I felt pressured by society and my friends to have sex with the girl. Some of my friends would have given me royal shit for passing it up.

After all my anxiety and panic, I think I grew and matured. Who cares what my peers think, I'm being safe from now on

Be sure though that you got the test 3 months after your encounter with her. You will most likely get false results on an HIV test with any shorter time period from the sexual encounter. Just something to keep in mind, and you may require further testing.

Physician here: HIV is not the death sentence it once was. Don't get me wrong, I'm not minimizing it. However, with modern treatments we have taken something that was once a "death sentence" and have essentially made it a chronic disease that responds well to treatment.
Most of my patients on HAART (highly active anti-retroviral therapy) have CD4 (immune cells) counts that are normal, and viral loads that are undetectable. In fact, if I'm exposed at work, the virus I fear is Hepatitis C, not HIV.

Plenty of women are incredibly concerned about condoms. I use them every time. I get pressured by men constantly to not use condoms - casual sex partners. One guy just went ahead and stuck it in bare anyway after I told him to use a condom. Why do we need to make everything about gender? There are stupid people of both genders.

I was pretty stupid at the time...He said 'oops I'm glad you reminded me' and put one on. A few hours later he tried to stick it in my ass. Obviously not a mistake and it was dumb of me to buy it the first time!

I have literally never met a girl that would roll her eyes at the idea of a condom. I guess i could see if you were dating and knew each other so well it wouldn't matter, but still. Kinda makes sense that she was exposed to 2 STDs if thats her attitude.

I know you said you "guess" you could see if they were dating... But I just wanted to chime in here.

There's nothing wrong with not using condoms if you're in a stable and trusting relationship, where you and your partner(s) get tested regularly and are loyal to you or the group. I haven't used a condom in over 2 years, and if he suddenly suggested one, I would roll my eyes at him (before becoming skeptical of his previous night's actions!).

I am an advocate for condoms 100% of the time with random hookups, FWB even, etc. But just the way you said you guess made me wanna say that it is okay to go bareback in some situations. Yeah, I know trust can be misplaced and people can be cheating jerks, but that's why you should hold high standards/level of trust.

tl; dr There's nothing wrong with not using condoms in established, trusting relationships. I'm 99.999% certain I have a 0% chance of risk, haven't used a condom with my SO in 2+ years.

Basically you're much more likely to contract HIV from a penis than a vagina. Men have contracted HIV from women, but the difference is something like .005% for female to male, to .1% for male to female. Male to male is an entirely different ballgame (no pun intended).

Considering you only slept with two women and one of those two didn't want a condom while the other, we can assume, did, "why don't women want condoms?" is an unfair generalization. Women and men can both work together to practice safer sex and reduce transmission of sti's. It's really great that you took the initiative to use a barrier, but the suggestion that you "know" which partner had HIV based on her looks is if ignoran: there is only one way to know if you or your partner are poz which is to regularly get tested and disclose without fear of persecution. I understand the emotional relief you must feel right now, and I agree that we as a community of sexually active folks should use condoms/ dental dams etc, reducing stigma against HIV folks is also necessary. Without making it safe to disclose HIV status, we are never truly having safe sex. Thanks for sharing.

"Sir, the possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field is approximately 3,720 to 1!"
"Never tell me the odds."

I don't want to discourage anyone from proper safer-sex technique, but the odds of an healthy male contracting an HIV infection from a single incident of vaginal intercourse with an infected female seem to be approximately 7200 to 1. Which is to say, it's about twice as dangerous as driving from New York to Los Angeles and back; about half as dangerous as a single BASE jump.

EDIT

What's with all the upvotes? My comment was just a minor correction to the main post, the point of which is still absolutely correct: DON'T DO STUPID SHIT EVEN IF IT ISN'T QUITE AS STUPID AS YOU THOUGHT!

This is the truth. The condom lowered his chances of contraction, but did not "save his life." It's hard to be upset with a misconception that encourages people towards being more safe, but I think it's still important to look at the reality of the situation.

Why does it matter? I upvoted the post for a good message. I have a friend who is suicidal because he contracted genital herpes and thinks his life is over now. Condoms and safe sex are a must; people don't think they're susceptible to STDS and stuff like that. They don't seem to realize it can happen to anyone - something like 1 in 6 people has herpes.

Why does reason matter in any situation? It's simply beneficial to keep a rational view of things. You'll note I said that there's a positive benefit in getting people to be more likely to practice safe sex. But perpetuating a lie is still perpetuating a lie. The content of this post directly implied that the condom was the only thing that prevented the spread of HIV, and that's definitely false. So throwaway_quinn pointed out as much. I added my voice to theirs, because I was worried they might be downvoted for an unpopular truth.

To borrow from TQ's analogy, this post is essentially like someone saying "I just drove from New York to Los Angeles and back again. Thank god I wore my seatbelt, or I would have died!" Wearing the seatbelt didn't save their life, because all they were doing was driving. What wearing a seatbelt did was insure if there was a crash that they would have had a better chance of survival.

Turns out that decision saved my life.

This is straight up hyperbole. I won't tell people they shouldn't wear their seatbelts, because they should. But there isn't sure death awaiting every drive without one, either.

Condoms and safe sex are no more of a "must" than not jumping out of planes is a "must" or not driving in the rain is a "must". As long as everyone is informed, they can consent to whatever level of risk they are comfortable with.

Also remember that there are many treatments for HIV nowadays. That's not to say HIV isn't a big deal, that it's curable, or that managing the infection won't involve some major life changes. But it's not a death sentence.

I'm not going to argue that it's definitely important that you limit your exposure to everything out there - but honestly, the risk of infection from female to male is anywhere between 1:1000 to 1:100,000 depending on what stage the infection is in your partner.

It's always better to be safe than sorry - but it's like that with pretty much everything in life.

TL/DR: You dodged a bullet, grats, always cover it up - but if in the heat of the moment shit happens, you just have to get tested, not start writing your will.

In fairness to OP, that's two women this year. Don't know how many it is overall.

But that's besides the point that if you're going to take internet comments very literally, you're going to see generalizations everywhere. No one throws in "in my opinion", "just speaking for myself" or "from my own experience only" in every paragraph or second sentence. Ain't nobody got time for that (<-- generalization).

I'm not taking them literally, it's when someone makes a generalization with two samples. Two is not enough. Now, have someone who says they've slept with 20 and found a lot of chicks don't want to is different.

I've slept with around 20, and none of them insisted on using a condom. Four or five of them suggested we didn't. I've always insisted we do. So in my experience, women are less concerned with using condoms than I am.

I'm mainly concerned not about STD's, but unplanned pregnancy. The transmission of the only STD that concerns me at all isn't fully prevented by condoms.

Lets face it, most (if not all) of us men prefer to have sex without a condom, so whenever you're about to fuck some girl and she says things like "no condom? No problem" you should immediately assume that she has said the same thing to other guys. Most guys will immediately jump at the opportunity because sex feels better without a condom.

The type of man who would jump at the opportunity of fucking some random girl without protection is the type of person that will most likely get an STD or two in their lives. The type of woman who would let some random dude fuck her without protection is the type of person that will most likely suffer an STD or two in their lives.

Get tested, practice safe sex with randoms/strangers/people who get around, and just ask yourself if one fuck without a condom is worth all the trouble that some STDs bring.

Don't get too carried away - transmission rates per encounter from female to circumcised male are something like 0.5%. Or was it 0.05%? Either way, it's very, very low. This should not be considered when deciding whether to wear a condom with an unknown partner, though.

Also, HIV is very treatable these days. People live for decades with it, if they have properly managed treatment. My uncle contracted it in the late 1980's, and he's still kicking around - not in perfect health, but successfully managing it nonetheless.

This infers that there have been at least 1 guy get HIV by getting a blowjob? I'm pretty sure that we either don't know exactly or there has been ZERO instances of this. Maybe if someone is bleeding from the mouth while blowing you? ELI5

I love how people are saying that he didn't need a condom because it's unlikely... I'm sorry, but fuck that. Wear a fucking condom, unless you know 100% that the person you're sleeping with isn't carrying some kind of STI. Jeez.

They aren't saying that. They're saying that it's highly unlikely to get HIV from sex as a male. And even if you do there is medicine to prevent HIV from doing any damage. With that said there are still reasons to use a condom with a partner with an unknown sexual history.

Yes, that's true. Allow me to paraphrase: "most patients only need to take one pill a day and they take it just before going to be so that they sleep through the symptoms." (infection doctor from my local hospital who had a talk about this yesterday) . There's a lot of medicines that helps HIV patients and they've gotten better over the years. Now they don't cause the same amount of problems as they used to do. But of course they still do, jusg in smaller amounts.

I have a neighbor who is HIV positive. Since she's been on her new meds she looks healthier than I've ever seen her. But she has constant doc appointments to make sure the meds aren't making her worse.

They do. I should note that I'm from Sweden so we don't actually pay for these kinds of treatments by ourselves. In other countries the treatment will most likely cost a lot of money which is a shame. Sorry for the misunderstanding.

It's not actually "free" though -- you know that, right? Your society still has the financial burden. I think it is pretty selfish for someone not to do their due diligence to ensure they don't add to this burden.

When I said that we don't actually pay for it ourselves I meant that the cost is not laid on the individual, not that it's absolutely free, which it's obviously not. And yes, you should try to avoid getting it in the first place, but not because of the cost argument but rather that it's a dangerous disease that will cause huge problems no matter what medicine you take.

I'm not sure he's dramatising it at all- a condom stopped him from getting HIV, regardless of whether the odds are against. With STI rates as high as they are, I think it's about time people actually used the bloody things.

No, he's dramatizing the situation. It isn't the same thing as saying, "Wearing a parachute saved my life when skydiving!" In that situation, the statement isn't dramatic because the chances of dying without a parachute are virtually 100%. The chances of him dying because he didn't wear a condom are more akin to your chances of dying because you didn't wear a seatbelt when driving, or because you didn't cook pork to the correct internal temperature- increased, but only if an event completely independent of your choice (here, that the girl's viral load would have been high enough to pass to OP) occurs first.

Additionally, as someone pointed out below, HIV is not really a death sentence in the first world anymore. To say otherwise is cheap scare tactics.

No one is advocating not using condoms in this situation. They're always a good idea if you aren't 100% sure of your partner's sexual health, and people do need to wear them a hell of a lot more often. But to say that OP definitely would have died if he'd chosen not to wear a condom is unnecessary to get his message across.

I see what you mean about the death scenario, but the amount of effort required to keep HIV in check (this thread on r/lgbt is interesting) is absurd and it is a completely life-changing experience. It's not a death sentence, no. But it's not trivial.

Oh, I don't mean to trivialize it at all! It's a serious disease, and there's no reason not to take precautions. But there's no reason to scare people unnecessarily, either. I spent so much time in abstinence-only education that it's kid of a hot-button issue for me, unfortunately.

There is some sort of law somewhere that they can't give HIV results over the phone, even if its negative. My Gyno told me that they'd call for everything else, but I would need to come get my HIV test results in person.

THEY ARE. Or I'll speak for myself- I AM. It's not just "women" or "men" that are concerned with having safe sex it's responsible people who value their health and are realistic about the consequences of being careless in that situation.

Had a partner just last night tell me that he has a slight suspicion he might have HIV. Never once mentioned it to me and never once understood that I wanted a condom, or rather, ignored it. Only had intercourse with him once, and I regret so much that I wasn't firm about it.

Getting tested Thursday, and then again in several months.

It doesn't matter if the other person becomes offended; you can't be shy about it. I realize that now. I really hope this is just a scare, and that people realize just how important it is to wear protection.

using a condom is half the battle. the other part is having a healthy immune system, and having sex, if one does, with other people with healthy immune systems. one of the reasons hiv spread in the gay community in the 80s was that people were smoking, drinking, not getting enough sleep, eating fast food, dealing with high stress levels, and not monitoring their immune systems. today we've done a lot with spreading the word about condoms, but the other part tends to get ignored.

Its weird that im always the one pushing for a condom when about to sex a woman. Why arent woman more concerned about condoms?

Why isn't everyone more concerned about wearing condoms! There's definitely irresponsible people all along the gender spectrum. I've left many engorged penis' to wilt because they refused to wear a rubber. So, avoid blue balls and STDs by always wearing a condom!

As a female; I prefer bareback 100%. I hate condoms, with a passion. However, if I haven't personally been to the doctor to get tested with the guy (none of this "oh here's my test I did 3 months ago" bullshit) there are condoms on. And staying that way.

that's what puzzles me. I lived in NYC around the height of the AIDS epidemic and panic--back when there was no treatment and considerable confusion over what was safe and what was not. I had been safe, and kept on being safe. I didn't understand why everyone else wasn't. The drive to reproduce is a strong one. Perhaps that's the explanation. At the time from a darwinian perspective I looked like a very good bet. Those were the days.

Most people think "If I flip a quarter 3 times, there's a BETTER chance that I get a single heads (or tails) than if I only flip it once." However, the odds are still 50% EACH FLIP. This means that you can't simply multiply like you did.

as someone who's been in a similar situation: take all the free condoms home. all of them. put one in every bag, tape one to the under-side of every desk. the back of every bed-head. make fun artwork on your wall with them. collect all the colors. alphabetize 'em. sort them by expiration date, even. just make sure they're plentiful.

this is as close as you'll ever get to pissing on a stick and being happy you're not pregnant. remember this feeling.

My only problem with this is why did you have to ask her for a condom? Take your protection seriously man! With a chick like this who was rolling her eyes, I'm surprised the condom wasn't tampered with. She sounds like one of those "bug chasers".

I get that rarely you may be in a situation where you don't expect to be getting laid, and will need to ask for a condom. Know that there is trust and a risk associated with that. You can avoid even these situations if you have extra condoms in your car/bag/keychain that it would just take you a jiffy to get. I have a condom on my keys hidden in a hollow key fob.

Your safety is your priority, make sure you don't need to rely on others.

I am a woman and always use a condom. I am very concerned about contraction of disease/infection due to education. Continue to tell your story and educate around you. Also contraction of HIV is no longer a death sentence (in first world countries at least) and AIDS can be staved off with the right medications.

This is probably the worst post on r/sex I've seen. As Quinn pointed out, the odds of you contracting HIV from unprotected sex were very small. Furthermore, saying that the decision "saved your life" is even more hyperbolic. This subreddit is supposed to be educating people on sex, not spreading misinformation and paranoia.

Seriously, you may as well have posted "OMG I played basketball against Magic Johnson, thank god I didn't post up against him."

Actually catching HIV is really hard from regular vaginal sex.
"Risk estimates range from 1:1000 to 1:100,000", as long as there aren't any sores and stuff like that. So even tho it's really scary to just be in the riskzone, the odds are thankfully very low.