Beauty Over Time

10/14/2011 02:08 pm ET
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Updated
Dec 14, 2011

Barbara Greenberg
Clinical Psychologist featured on CNN, Good Morning America and ABC Nightline

I've heard this over and over again from both the women that I work with and from friends and women in my age group. My skin was so beautiful back then or what I'd give to have my 30-year-old body back. Additionally, men would always pay attention when I walked into a room; I could always talk my way out of a traffic ticket; and when did I become invisible? My doctor looks like a kid and he's 39. No one asks me if I'm my daughter's sister anymore.

Or suppose that you have retained your je ne sais qua over time. Despite being 50 or older you still see that twinkle in mens' eyes when you're around. You still get treated especially well at the car wash. You notice that they linger over your car just a little longer than they need to. Men are nicer to you when they meet you in person and in most cases it is probably not because you are dazzling them with your insights. They are more likely thinking about what a lovely treat you'd be in addition to their wife. They consider whether or not they should take a risk and start to push the boundaries with you. You may be mid-conversation and notice that they haven't been paying a bit of attention to what you've been saying. It all sounded like blah, blah, blah to them. And yes, male friends have confirmed that this happens.

Another scenario that pops up for the 50+ women is that they are genuinely surprised when a younger man finds them attractive. Oh don't be silly, they say, he could be my son. Well, sister maybe he could be but he's not. In his head, you may be in a very different position. Ah, a little levity never hurts. Or your daughter's male friends point out that you're hot and your daughter is humiliated and you are confused. Hot, I've asked myself. I used to be cool but hot is a totally new term. Is it age-appropriate to be hot? Do you always get taken seriously when you are seen as hot? Well, the answers are not always clear. There is one thing that I can share with you. Sometimes it does get in the way and a man who you want to take you seriously gets distracted. When you were younger you probably thought it was because your insights weren't that interesting. You realize once you are a little older that your insights may be stellar but your well-maintained je ne sais qua may get in the way.