Grey's Anatomy: Scars and Souvenirs

I made it to about 8:02 before I couldn’t take it anymore and had to walk away from the TV until I could pause it to record my thoughts.And when I ended up with a page and a half of text before opening credits rolled, I decided there was no way I was going to be able to condense and categorize all these mostly-negative reaction. So just for this week, let’s do a full-blown rantview, O.C. style.

Because this show is a lot like O.C., which everyone my senior year of high school/freshman year of college was obsessed with.The next year all those O.C. nuts were hooked on Grey’s Anatomy instead.Apparently horny young people really like to watch horny people on TV have tons of inappropriate sex.I prefer to see my characters involved in various emotional conflicts, and not always related to romantic entanglements.When the sex factor gets too high, I storm away in disgust for a while.I’m feeling like we’re approaching another one of those points.As evidenced by my rantview.

Rantviews are not neatly organized like a regular review; they are a stream-of-consciousness style, in numbered-list format, following the chronology of the episode.However, the numbers have a habit of turning into small paragraphs, so it’s really just like a quadruple sized review.Got it?Good, let’s go.

First of all, Izzie, why would you not lock the bathroom door when taking showers?Even if it’s the only one in the house, you just tell the other people to hold it for 20 minutes until you’re done in there.It’s a knee jerk reaction.Enter bathroom, close and lock door, even if the house is empty.You definitely lock it when your roommate’s boyfriend sleeps over on a regular basis.It could just as easily have been Derek who walked in, not Alex.(though nah, I suppose McDreamy would have been courteous and knocked)

Second of all, I am so glad Derek & Meredith have progressed to the point of sleeping fully clothed.They’re so much cuter that way.Completely adorable.I’m also vaguely amused that it doesn’t even phase either one of them to have another woman burst into the bedroom clad in nothing but a towel.

Third of all, why is Meredith letting Alex move in?!EYE.ROLL.Alex is a colleague, one with whom they are fairly good terms, but I hesitate to call him an actual friend.And since Meredith and Izzie ARE friends, they’re past the point where you look for roommates just to pay the...whatever Meredith needs them to pay for.Mere is wasting what could be a prime time to bond with Izzie on the rare occasion she’s not at work or with Derek.

By the way, you should not live with people whom you have had sex with and/or expressed a potentially romantic interest in if you’re not actually dating.It’s awkward at best; I won’t mention it at worst.

Meredith: "I had a near death whatever...I was dead, and now I’m not.I’d like to use this chance I’ve been given to be more positive."Okay, that’s immediately irritating.I’d rather have had zero continuity than THAT.*smacks her* And now I’m walking away.

*2 hours later* Why are George and Callie still living in the hotel?Don’t hotels cost like a hundred bucks a DAY?That’s some ridiculous rent.Shouldn’t they have, I don’t know, found an apartment by now?They shouldn’t need to worry about signing a one-year lease, given that they’re so convinced their marriage will last forever.

Izzie: "[Alex] is in George’s room, and when George’s STUPID marriage crashes and burns, he’s going to want to move back, and he won’t be able to.His life will be in shambles, he’ll finally notice his Dad is dead, and he made a fool out of himself by marrying someone he doesn’t really love, AND he’ll have no place to go.Is that what you want?"Wow.Not for the first time, Izzie says exactly what needs to be said, taking the words right out of my mouth.

Alex (walking up to Izzie): Hey, look who found some clothes.

Me: . . .what the HELL, jackass?She was in the privacy of her own house, which frankly you were not quite yet a resident of, and she had just gotten out of the shower.It’s one of the few instances on this show in which characters have a right to be naked.

Oh, Bailey...no.Not rockin’ the new haircut.That haircut is why I cringe every time I look at season 1.Too short, too short in back!You need the chin-length bob all the way around, none of this stupid hugging-the-line-of-your-neck style.

But on that note, George’s hair has grown out again and he’s as close to attractive as he gets.And Meredith’s hair looks...I dunno, it has all these little mini layers and flyaway bits, but she looks cute.It’s kind of fluffy with a hint of curl, maybe that’s it -- not her usual limp locks.

Oh, hey Jane Doe.I’m not sure if you look any better now than you did with your face all swollen up.I mean, you looked kind of like a lion with all the swelling, but now you just look like a kid tried to imitate Picasso.

Am I supposed to be fawning over Alex’s bedside manner?Because I’m not.Alex is a permanent jackass, so this all sounds fake.I feel no emotion from him whatsoever.

Why, hello pretty Hispanic doctor from New York!(Doctor Crawford) Way to enable fanfic writers who love to go into the past!Way to torment me by becoming the third woman I want to ship McDreamy with!

Okay, even with my ship-happy thoughts banished, I am fawning over Derek’s bedside manner.Damn, his eyes?His voice?He could probably convince me to do anything, including prolonged treatment with IVs.

Hee on Cristina pushing Burke out of the way to continue the spying on new candidate!

Izzie dear?Do not mock the Cristina and her kick-ass academic skills.

On the other hand, when Burke does it, it’s cute and rather amusing.

Who is that guy?He looks like a vampire.

GET YOUR HANDS OFF CRISTINA’S ASS!!

Burke, he’s sexually harassing your fiancée!Choke him!Put him in a stranglehold!Stop standing there ineffectually!Oh, hey, title flash.I think that’s a record for the longest teaser ever.

Oh for God’s sakes – really?She actually had a purely sexual, I imaginerelationship with the creepy vampire man?Dude, I LIKE Cristina; I’d rather not hear that she has a history of going for older male authority figures.Burke was supposed to be a fluke.Cristina is supposed to be smarter than that.Not be a damn cliché.

Oh GOD, Meredith’s stupid quasi-family again?No!Damn it!I hate Meredith’s family more than she does, why can’t they just go away and STAY away?

Although, HEE on hiding out in a tiny closet with Cristina.

Why won’t stupid family just leave her alone, anyway?She has friends. And a boyfriend.All of them would be more than willing to take care of her.Being genetically related to someone doesn’t mean you have to have a damn bond with them.They leave your life?Let them stay gone.And you, you stupid bland woman – Mere isn’t a sulky teenager whom you are trying to win over and/or with whom you can bond with and give maternal guidance.She is grown up.She has a life.It does not include a random woman married to a man she barely even knows.It doesn’t NEED to include those people.

Now this I had to rewind several times -- Cristina’s quiet, almost seething fury when Vampire Doc mocks her relationship with Burke.Damn straight it’s a REAL relationship.Outside of Bailey and her husband, it’s about the only real one in this entire hospital.

*smacks own head* And not until this very second did I connect G/C staying at the hotel with those spoilers about Callie “having something in common with Paris Hilton.”I’d actually been angling for “sex tape,” even knowing that was too obvious to be true, but...the fact that Callie is rich only makes me hate her more.As much as I despise the way Paris spends her life drinking and partying, I’m almost equally annoyed by rich kids who don’t need a career but go to school and get one anyway.Of course, I’m phenomenally lazy, so I don’t understand why you’d rather work than have unlimited free time.

By the way, Callie is an idiot for not disclosing something like this.It’s, um, kind of huge, namely for the reason that George just said – he looks like an idiot valiantly trying to pay his share when she doesn’t have to think twice about money.This is much more than a simple salary gap.It’s almost patronizing, in a way, to let him believe that he's working hard to share the expenses.

I love how Derek comes in and just sits on Dr. Crawford’s bed.It’s so cute.

And as nice as it is when Derek gets intense and angry, right now I really hope this nice doctor lady strokes out and dies on his operating table.Because this is one of the things I hate about doctors and their incessant, incessant, incessant need to save lives.You know what?Some people don’t want to live until they’re a hundred, don’t want to go through months of painful treatment just so they can keep breathing.Some people are happy with a brief "live it up" period before drifting off towards Heaven.The love of this woman’s life is already dead, and there’s a lot of bad stuff that happens in life, so why would you begrudge her desire to go on an extended vacation (while she’s still young enough to be mobile and *enjoy* it) and then escape the world?

Please don’t remind me that Mark/Addison is waiting in the wings.Because ew.Does Addie have her own show yet?One where she’s far away from Mark?

Izzie, seriously, shut up.I was kinda hoping that when Cristina paused, it was to spit a mouthful of coffee in her face.(Well, it’s not like anyone else at that table was being mature.)

Oh Creepy Vampire Doc, you did NOT propose to her…

3 years?!Ewwwwwww and stop talking about this like it MEANT something!

MARLO/CREEPY DOC, STOP FREAKING BURKE OUT AND SPELLING DOOM FOR THE ONLY GOOD SHIP ON THIS SHOW.

Okay, Cristina kind of flubbed up her defense – really should have thrown something in there about saying yes because she wants to stay together – but she was being honest and earnest about it, and Burke ought to have picked up on that aspect of it.Surely by this point he’s noticed that Cristina’s social graces are occasionally lacking?I thought that was one of the things that drew him to her, that she was opinionated and unqiue, forged her own path and approached things in her own style.Damn it, stop being doom-predicting.

Good Addison.Scream at Mark the bastard!Go, girl, go!

Now scream at Alex like the incompetent imbecile he is!Awesome!

Now turn to Derek to back you up, and have him do so with a hint of a smile on his face, all the more so when Mark works himself into a frothing rage because of it!This is the best scene EVER.

No really, the scathing intensity in Addison’s expression is amazing.See, this is why she and Sloan can’t possibly work in a romantic relationship.Because he’s a flaming asshole.“Ass” is my unofficial word of the day, by the way, in case you hadn’t noticed.

Okay-- to be fair, Derek was working on a friend, not just a patient with a cool procedure.There was slightly more motivating his desire to work on her himself than simply showing off.He pushed her into the surgery; his actions almost cost her her life.His actions needed to be the ones to correct that mistake.

Right now, the Chief looks like he’s sincerely regretting his choice to pad the highest tier of his staff with the transplanted NY surgeons.

For God’s sakes, just give Addison the job of being the new chief.She was the only one actually concerned with patient care today, and not trying risky surgeries just to show off.You know, THIS is why Addison is going to leave and work at her own hospital.Where she might actually get some respect.(And if we're really lucky, keep her pants on for multiple episodes in a row.)

The dinner scene is horribly and intensely uncomfortable in too many ways to count.I will not watch it.*skips*

Burke: "Do you or do you not find my knowledge and my compelling?" Of course she does, you idiot.Those things are compelling on anyone.Smart = sexy.She doesn’t find you compelling in a "wow, it’s like a textbook come to life" kind of way!

Burke: "A man twice your age believed he was having a substantial relationship with you" -- okay, yes, but she was in school.Med school, maybe, but the point is that she was *young.*People grow, change, and mature.Which I believe she’s done.She’s not going to wake up one day and decide to leave you, Burke; she’s NOT, and if you don’t believe that, then maybe you’re no better than she is.She has let you in. Have you seen her face in those quiet moments when it’s just the two of you, the way she looks at you?She’s not going anywhere.Unless you keep on shoving her away.

Let’s watch the O'Malleys fight some more, that’s always interesting.I’m not sure if that statement is sarcastic or not.I’d say more about this, but my attention has just been diverted by a horrid phrase from Callie about Izzie:

"SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR YOU"?!I want to chuck my keyboard through the screen right now.Where the effing HELL did that come from?Are you idiots actually so damned sex-obsessed that you don’t even understand it’s possible to befriend someone of the opposite gender without wanting to get them in bed?Callie is ridiculously jealous.All I've seen is a girl who cares that her best friend rushed into marriage on the rebound from grief and is, in short order, about to get his heart broken again.And no, it’s not because she drove a wedge between them.You know, if you and George showed some sign of actual romance and emotional support, maybe she’d believe you – but all either Izzie or I have seen is you two fighting followed by makeup sex and suggestive comments full of innuendo once you were back at work.Your relationship is rooted in sex and arguing.Pardon US if we don’t believe you.

Hahaha, George thinks Izzie is prettier than Callie!She really is, even with her eyes set so far apart.

The amount of sympathy I have for Callie right now?None.Zero.George might not be laughing at her, but I am.I do feel a little bit bad for George, though.This is the closest I’ve ever come to believing he honestly cares about Callie.See, see?His heart is breaking and his life is descending into shambles.HEY, MEREDITH...

Alex and Izzie, please step apart NOW.. . .a cheek kiss?Seriously?Whatever. I’ll be over here, rolling my eyes.This is so fake and stupid.It’s better than seeing them make out, but only because this way I don’t feel a need to vomit.

*hugs Izzie as she talks to George* See?This is sweet.I know your eyes are only lighting up because you’re delighted that he is confiding in you, and not because you actually want to help make his marriage work, but that is okay, because that is all any of us ever really wanted.*hugs George for finally approaching her*

See?Izzie and I just wanted to you to admit that you might have made a mistake.And then we can hug you and tell you it’s okay and you’ll be all right in the end, and we know that you didn’t shut us out in favor of spending days in bed with your slutty resident.

Okay, fine, Meredith’s made up with her stupid family.Since she’s no longer having issues, can that be a reason to never see them on the screen again?Writers hate happy relationships, call them boring or something, so --

Uh-oh.Georgie and Izzie are getting drunk.This can only lead to bad things…oh no, a spoiler I had blocked from my mind is rising dangerously close to the surface…noooooo!Go away!Don’t happen!Oh good, the scene ended.Spoilers, what spoilers?I don’t remember any spoilers.Nope, none at all.

Awww.Sweet Cristina, curled up in Meredith’s bed.They really are the most fantastic BFFs.

Oh, dear God.Izzie is in bed and she is naked.And George is in the same bed and he is also naked.Ewewewewewewewewewewewewew this is five thousand kinds of disturbing.

As I ranted a post or two ago, why can these people not just KEEP THEIR PANTS ON?! "This is not fanfiction.net! You don't need to explore every possible pairing just because you *can*!"

While I appreciate that I did not actually have to witness what was surely an unholy (in more ways than one) act, I do not appreciate a) The destruction of my steadfast support for Izzie’s platonic caring, or b) the eradication of any credibility and/or defenses Izzie might have had against Callie, including her own self respect, or most of all c) lending any sort of credibility to Callie.All right, fine, I’m done.Well, almost.