The Inescapable Wisdom of Charles Barkley

The Inescapable Wisdom of Charles Barkley

Charles Barkley is what happens when you combine the charmingly irreverent sensibilities of Howard Stern with the brilliantly simplistic genius of Chris Rock. With his refreshingly honest and relatable personality, the athlete-turned-analyst has become one of the sports world's most adored broadcasters.

In honor of Sir Charles' fabled career, I mined the basketball player/philosopher/life coach's most profound observations with the aim of becoming a more evolved human being. But my findings are so remarkable that it would be a crime against humanity not to share them with the world.

Behold the inescapable wisdom of Charles Barkley.

Charles Barkley, Unrepentant Hater of Skip Bayless

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On Skip Bayless: “If I could get Skip Bayless in a room, you’d need DNA to find out who it was when I got through with him.”

To put it lightly, Charles Barkley and Skip Bayless hate one another with the detestable scorn of a thousand Taylor Swift breakup ballads. These guys are a few hair plug transplants and a co-headlining tour away from being Sammy Hagar and David Lee Roth.

During an airing of Inside the NBA, Barkley’s disdain toward ESPN’s resident troll is on full display. If you’ve had the unfortunate experience of accidentally stumbling across First Take, you probably empathize with Chuck’s sentiment.

Charles Barkley, Media Critic

Even though it would be the competitive equivalent of Michael Cera wrestling a Kodiak bear, I’d shell out $149 for a pay-per-view boxing match between Charles “The Round Mound of Rebound” Barkley and Skip “I Forgot My Inhaler at Home” Bayless.

Charles Barkley, Broken Man

On the state of the NBA: “As a NBA fan, I want to apologize to the fans, I cannot believe how bad the NBA is right now, I'm a fan first and foremost; watching the NBA right now, I'm embarrassed about the product we're putting out there right now.”

Why do we love Charles Barkley? He’s refreshingly honest and bold enough to speak his mind, even if it means disparaging an entity that made him a millionaire.

Charles Barkley, Not a Role Model

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On his image: “I'm not a role model. Just because I dunk a basketball doesn't mean I should raise your kids.”

"I am not a role model, but buy product from my signature sneaker line."

His inherently contradictory platform aside, Barkley makes a good point about emulating people simply because they're superior athletes.

The world does not need a volatile bunch of Pop Warner football players posting stacks of their allowance money to Instagram and dating Kardashians.

Charles Barkley, Prophet

The ’92 United States men’s Olympic basketball team had a roster of 12 players, and 11 of them are currently in the Hall of Fame (poor Christian Laettner keeps getting jobbed by the voting committee).

The team’s first Olympic game was against Angola, an African country that Barkley admittedly knew only one thing about: They were in trouble. The Dream Team later defeated Angola by 68 points, eerily foreshadowing Chuck’s eventual career as a basketball analyst.