Peter Jackson Announces Plans for 72-Part Movie Series of The Silmarillion

Hollywood, CA–At a press conference today outside his estate in Beverly Hills, acclaimed director Peter Jackson announced his plans to make a 72-film adaptation of J. R. R. Tolkien’s The Silmarillion. “It was the next logical step after doing Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit,” Jackson said. “In Lord of the Rings, we took over a thousand pages of novel and adapted it to the big screen in three extremely long films. Then in The Hobbit, we took a children’s book a fraction the length of Lord of the Rings, and also made it into three extremely long films.”

Jackson then unfolded his plan for Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, which begins with a mythological account of the creation of Middle Earth and culminates in the great battles of the Elves during the First Age. “The first film in the series is set to come out in Summer 2016. Then, every two years from 2018 to 2160, the following installment will be released.”

Returning to the original cinematic backgrounds of the Lord of the Rings movies, Jackson made an executive decision to save costs for shooting the outdoor scenes, and had his studio purchase the entire island of New Zealand. “In the long run it will cost us a lot less. Plus, now the citizens of New Zealand are the property of our studio, so we get free labor to build sets.”

Movie buffs and Tolkien nerds alike are ecstatic over the news, and Jackson, as usual, is enjoying the attention, teasing them about the contents of some of the 72 movies they can look forward to. “16 of the movies will be almost exclusively footage of the elven-folk doing various dances, and I don’t want to say much, but The Silmarillion: Part 49 is subtitled Gandalf Smokes his Pipe.”

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Catholica

Yes, that’s good and all, but I wonder if any of them will finally have any battle scenes. Or maybe some “artistic license” rather than the rigid way the previous Jackson movies stuck to Tolkien’s originals.

MotherGinger

Rumor has it that Gandalf marries Radagast in part 36.4.

MrSpock

Geez, only 72? He’ll have to omit half the book…

Brad Keyes

Peter Jackson is already an accomplished butcher, as I realised when I started noticing whole sentences missing from The Hobbit movies. 🙁

Matt Seeley

You mean you didn’t notice entire chapters missing from Lord of the Rings?

Sarah Goodwich

Well they had to make “changes” due to time-constraints… that’s why they added more than they cut.

korval

Whole sentences?! The monster!

Nate J Bakke

And add in parts that were never in the books to begin with. Jackson!!!!

Louis flood

most parts were a book that Tolkien had wrote. try making a three part movie that your bosses said you had to do from the hobbit.

Guest

If we’re going off of Tolkien legendarium, then technically Azog is dead, according to the lotr appendices. He died in that army with a really long name, in front of the doors of Moria.

James M

Azanulbizar (the Khuzdul name)

Nanduhirion (the Sindarin name)

Dimrill Dale (the name in the Common Speech)

Azog was killed in 2799 – 142 years before the events of “The Hobbit”.

Oblivion Modder

lotr was after the hobbit

Sarah Goodwich

60 years after, to start, then the main story started 17 years after that.

shayneo

Ah most of the additions came from other Tolkien writings. That said, the whole dwarf-on-elf hot love interest story line I’m pretty sure was a fabrication.

Chris

The problem is, he added things that didn’t need to be there in movies that were already too long. A great example is having to add Galadriel the first Hobbit movie (it seems so strange saying that) because there was just to much maleness going on, but if he kept it shorter to begin with (and adding Galadriel made it even longer), then he wouldn’t have had to…

I… would actually kind of want to see that… in a Sharknado sort of way…

James M

Sharks are the fault of Morgoth, so that would make sense – especially if they have wings. No wonder the War of Wrath took so long…

chrisyygirl6218

I am sorry to bust everyone’s bubble, but ii saw a later article about ho Tolkien won’t ever sell the rights to the silmarillion because he hates what pj did to the hobbit

Matt Kososki

You do realize this whole website is satire, right?

South of Reality

To be fair, the last 15 movies will be “Of the rings of power and the third age” in which Jackson plans to reshoot “The Hobbit” and “Lord of the Rings” to fulfill his vision of how they should have been filmed. For example he plans to include a 45 minute CGI fight between the hobbits and barrow-wights giving Pippin a chance to show off his awesome ninja fighting skills.

At least now we get to see the scenes that were cut. Yay for barrow-wights!

Keith Arnold

If I live long enough for the reboot of “Lord of the Rings” as you mention, I may finally get to see Tom Bombadil in his rightful place. I mean, Jackson left him out, Ralph Bakshi left him out. C’mon, at least the Harvard Lampoon’s “Bored of the Rings” included him!

MovieBuff

That’s because Tom Bombadil sucks

Ingsoc

Tom is one of the most interesting characters in the whole legendarium as far as I’m concerned. Jackson could have done a lot with him to add depth to all the running from place to place and fighting.

MovieBuff

Depth? Interesting?
He’s a insane character in yellow and blue who has no place anywhere in the Tolkienist histories.

Ingsoc

He’s an enigma that is at the center of some of the most interesting conversations about the core of Tolkien’s philosophy that anchors his entire world. He’s far from insane, he’s immensely powerful but seemingly uninterested in the power of the ring to the point of doing parlor tricks with it before handing it back to frodo. While in his house frodo has premonition dreams both nights and when trapped at the barrow-downs Bombadil saves the hobbits and bestows weapons upon them from the Wight hoard. Some argue that he is representative of God or more so than any other carachter. So in closing, stick to something you know something about versus something you read in a magazine article about why he and goldberry were cut.

MovieBuff

God = Eru aka Illuvatar.
Whoever “argues” about Bombadill being that is decidedly full of shit, and has probably never read any of the other lore in Tolkien’s universe.

Tolkein himself, on the other hand, said:
“Tom Bombadil is not an important person — to the narrative. I suppose he has some importance as a ‘comment.’ I mean, I do not really write like that: he is just an invention, and he represents something that I feel important, though I would not be prepared to analyse the feeling precisely.”
Even he can’t bother to explain why he’s tossed in there with no rhyme or reason.

So in closing, stick to arguing with people who found out about Tolkien from watching the Hobbit movies and haven’t read any books.

Ingsoc

Way to use Google, champ. Way to also ignore the body of my post as well as the point. I clearly wrote that Bombadil is an enigma. Use Google to look up “enigma”. I can only assume you’re clueless to the word’s meaning since you wasted your time telling me that Tolkien pointed out that Tom and Goldberry are purposeful enigmas. As such they have generated fascinating conversations about their nature in people and fans who relish the philosophical core and nature of Middle-Earth.

Enlighten yourself and expand the realm of possibility. Get out of your box and stretch out a little.

MovieBuff

I did not ignore the meat of your posts, which were “Tom is one of the most interesting characters in the whole legendarium” and “at the center some of the most interesting conversations”. That was your meat. And that is what I’m arguing against.
Of course he’s an enigma. That is the exact reason he has no place in there. Tolkien’s whole allure is his perfect worldbuilding, creating an entire universe with a rich history where everything works and is perfectly explained – except the crazy creature in yellow and blue who the Ring apparently doesn’t work on for no explainable reason. As far as I’m concerned, Bombadill is a figment of the Hobbit’s imagination that they get after getting high on the Old Forest and drinking from the river. That at least makes some sense.

And why do you keep trying to claim that I’ve just googled my information or read it in some magazine? Are you purposefully unaware that there are other Tolkien fans who may not have the same opinions that you do? Ease up on the insults a little.

Roman Lembersky

“Tolkien’s whole allure is his perfect worldbuilding, creating an entire universe with a rich history where everything works and is perfectly explained”

almost every race is described as to how it was created. Except Hobbits. At best they are described as some sort of off-shoot of humans, but, honestly, feels highly improbable.

MovieBuff

Agreed. And that’s always bothered me. Same with the Beornings.
But “offshoot of humans” is still sort of acceptable.

Ingsoc

“Keep trying”? I pointed it out once because you came in with your little spiel about Eru like a child who just discovered something and then went on a tangent explaining to me why I was right!

Just maybe you should heed some of your own advice and pull back from the pig-headed pronouncements.

MovieBuff

First comment you made in reply to me:
“So in closing, stick to something you know something about versus something you read in a magazine article about why he and goldberry were cut. ”

Second comment you made to reply to me
“Way to use Google, champ.”

The only pig-headed person in this thread is you, mate.

Ingsoc

Gosh, I didn’t mention Google once in my first quote, did I? I inferred that you get your information out of magazines because of your shallow “movie buff” moniker. Perhaps if you were “book buff” I would have assumed you actually read. Additionally, I’m not the one making the blanket pronouncement about a character “sucking” so the pig-headed observation stands. Your inability to comprehend that others that may comprehend nuance limits your perception and makes you obstinate. Own it.

MovieBuff

The reason for my moniker is because I made this Disqus account to comment on The Editing Room, a film site, like 4 years ago. Now that so many sites use the Disqus feature that we now use it for everything. It’s poor form to automatically lump someone in a box because of their username.
Had I done that with you, I would have seen you Obama ‘O’ in your profile and started accusing you of being a liberal. Luckily for me I read the comments you’ve posted around and saw we have similar political/social ideals – merely disagreeing on Bombadill. 😀

Louzaka

Tom Bombadil is shit. His chapters completely disrupt the flow of the books. The Hobbits are on their adventure, them BAM! – there’s this fucking annoying character spouting nonsense and being pointless. His chapters contribute nothing to the overall storyline and are honestly a bore to read. How are you supposed to take LOTR seriously when there’s a guy singing “Hey dol! merry dol! ring a dong dillo! Ring a dong! hop along! fal lal the willow!”
Yeah. Not in my Lord of the Rings.

Xavier

You didin’t read what ingsoc write or what?

Sarah Goodwich

“How are you supposed to take LOTR seriously”

Did you REALLY just say that?

Jo Flemings

I know right?! Obviously trolls.

Sarah Goodwich

“That was your meat. And that is what I’m arguing against.”

So you’re beating his meat?

chrisyygirl6218

true that, and books are always better!

Sarah Goodwich

Not always. A good movie can embellish on the books, but Peter Jackson does NOT make good movies.

Drew M-R

In addition to the seconding the sound rebuttal of your post by Ingsoc, I would like to state that calling Ilúvatar “God” is contradictory to the polydeistic notion of the Valar as gods that was set up in the Ainulindalë. Despite my disagreement with you, I can see why some may find Tom Bombadil boring or unimportant.

MovieBuff

Not really. It states in The Silmarillion that MEN called them Gods, but they were in fact just “powers” and servants to Illuvatar, and that men were confused about that and their role. The Eldar knew they were not gods.

Sarah Goodwich

You’re confusing polydeism with angelololgy. Eru created the Ainur, they did not co-exist as powers unto themselves; only he could create the Flame Imperishable.
Everything that happened was His Will.
So he’s pretty much God, but not the same narrative: just like the “demons” were not demons from medieval folklore, i.e. giant winged flaming goats with human arms and torso, as Peter Jackson thought.
As Tolkien wrote, “he may think he knows more about balrogs than I do, but he cannot expect me to agree with him.”

Sarah Goodwich

Bombadil may not be important, but he was vital to the story, if only for giving Merry the knife that he’d use to kill the Witch-king, and for giving Frodo the knife that scared off the Nazgul from approaching them again after the attack on Weathertop.
However he was definitely powerful, if he would be the last to fall against Sauron and the rest of the world, as Gandalf said; however he wouldn’t join the others against him, since he was essentially Switzerland.

trump blast

Bad idea as the hobbit learn a bit of lore from old Tom and a clue that took marry and pippin a long time to figure out as fanghorn carried them about !!! As one who read all 5 books a few times I saw where old Tom fit in !! Not a mortal nor an elf but the equivalent of the tree shepherds for the area near the shire !!!

Sarah Goodwich

Well Bombadil’s not God or a Vala, since Gandalf says that he could be defeated by the combined power of Sauron and the Men of Earth, so he’s probably the Celtic archetype of the “Unaligned Fairy” that came to Earth before the other powers aligned as good or evil; and Tom says that he’s “Eldest,” i.e. he came to Earth before it was formed– as when he says “Tom saw the first raindrop fall, and the first acorn.”
The Silmarillion says that many of the maiar joined with Melkor, while the rest were true to Eru, so Tom apparently left for Earth before then.

Ingsoc

As I said, “some argue” and “representative” is an operative term.

Tolkien stated fairly plainly that Tom is a mystery in many respects even to Tolkien, implying that the author wrote him into the mythos knowing full well that Tom didn’t fit perfect definitions or “rules” previously established by the author. But it’s clear from the professor’s correspondence that he recognized this intrinsic characteristic of Tom’s was a critical aspect in fleshing out his cosmology.

Bombidil is something that is not completely explainable or knowable. His motivations are shrouded and though his countenance and behavior are benevolent he is an “other” removed from and unmoved by the trials of men and elves. Tom is uninterested in exerting his apparently immense power beyond his immediate surroundings.

It is important to note that even maiar like Gandalf don’t know what to make of Tom and can only offer nebulous observations of him.

Gandalf was fallible and capable of errors in judgement which he was acutely aware of. In fact this self-awareness was an essential element to his constitution. Arguably this attribute was what enabled Gandalf to succeed in completing the mission where the other istari all failed. Gandalf in turn often counseled others to be aware of their limitations and maintain perspective to avoid falling prey to hubris and pride.

Consider the inability of the istari to know Tom when they grasped the genesis and nature of powers like Sauron, Melkor or the Balrog.

Jimmy Bones

Give it up ingsoc. You lost already.

Ingsoc

Eat my balls, bones. I won so hard.

Jo Flemings

Your talent is wasted here, in this conversation, buddy.

Ingsoc

Thanks, lady.

Jo Flemings

Tom is ‘Adam-ic- or -ish’.

trump blast

Old Tom is a malar that aided in building the SON into the reality whether goldeberry was a malar as well or one of the first elves that awoke in the darkness and he aligned himself to her is unclear

trump blast

If you follow the analogy of the chorus of the one as being the arc angels and the Lord of Morin or as Satan then the elves are the normal angels or the sons of God and the noloar being the ones who followed god and the rest as the keepers of the trees and land leaving mogoth tricking and corrupting them into orc with the help of a few nameless one of lesser power like the Balrog and suroman who continued the evil after morgoth was banished to the void starting the third age and all the things that happens old Tom would be John the Baptist or close with gandalf as a prophet liken to Moses !!! Think about it an decide where those named in the books (all5) m>ghost fall say compared to the bible ???

You’re thinking of Tim Benzedrine, from the Harvard Lampoon parody “Bored of the Rings.” Now THAT’s a tree-hugging, pot-smoking, song-singing hippie for you!

Um… don’t tell any of my more literate friends that I remember Tim Benzedrine. I have a reputation…

Sarah Goodwich

That was supposed to be Tim Leary.

Simon C

By all accounts Gandalf and Bilbo smoked weed together all the time so i don’t think you should be judging Tom Bombadil

Guilherme Harrison

I’m Shepard and this is my favorite comment on the internet.

Joey T-Dodd

The films are already the best….

Obamamerica2015

We really need longer fight scenes. 45 minutes is not enough. He should remake the Hobbit as a 6 part movie, part 5 being just a 3 1/2 hour battle.

trump blast

To do the barrow wraiths fight seen he will have to change the escape from hobbiton as frodo anc company first safely made it to crick hollow set up living in an cabin by the great hedge and at nite go through the private hedge gate into the big woods get lost then fall under the willows spell of sleep meet Tom bombadilli who is married to an elf queen and is not affected by the ring of power and can see from while he is wearing the ring then after a few days rest they set out one again for the prancing pony and next stop in hobbit fashion to eat a meal on a hill in sight of the barrows tomb then again fall under a spell of sleep and get caught !!! IS 45 min. English ??? I was hopping that the books version of fro do leaving the shire would have been a part of the film as well as the real home coming and fight to free hobbiton from suraman the plain !!!

Not Gramsci

Cool, except that New Zealand is not just one island.

leadingedge

Hey, our country (New Zealand) is made up of multiple islands!

Artor

Not after Jackson films the sinking of Numenor!

Keaton Dye

Artor – oh my gosh, I’m dying. I could almost see him doing that. “Alright, folks, unless we want to buy out the Bahamas and rebrand this as a tropical survival fantasy (plan B), we only have one shot at this!”

Amethyst G. Blackstone

Hey its the new season of Survivor!!!!

john

If Jackson really wants to do something groundbreaking, he should film the entire 72-film epic in claymation, using the California Raisins in the role of halflings and Stephen Hawking as the voice of Gandalf. That I’d pay to see.

Lee Bacchi

+1

Megan Annette Burgess

Oh my Gandalf, I’m dying.

geobeck

Fly. You fools.

chrisyygirl6218

smart alec

Sarah Goodwich

Guiness

Alex DiMarzo

The first time in history that it would take less time to read than to watch the movies.

He’ll just have to do what Dr. Arik Soong did: “I doubt I’ll finish the work myself. Might take a generation or two… “

PureCatholic

Ok peeps calm down about the New Zealand thing………..Its satire in all of its aspects maybe……..(If not then that’s kinda awkward for me)

Drayburg

I just crapped myself with your parenthetic commentary. lol

PureCatholic

That’s interesting that you would speak about crapping your pants while your pro-file picture shows a picture of a baby…… coincidence? I don’t think….. (How did you learn to type at such a young age?)

emily

So let’s make a bunch of films that alot of us will be dead by the time their finished that’s smart

Jude

Here is the Broken Satire Detector Award.

William McDermet

Dibs on playing Morgoth.

John Kloess

I call Fingolfin. To the death!

Guest

I like really really want to play Haleth…she make Eowyn look tame.;-)

CameTheDawn419

I like really want to play Haleth…she makes Eowyn look tame.;-)

James M

Rock, paper, scissors, lizard, Spock, Sauron, Feanor

John D

One entire movie devoted to Fingolfin dueling Morgoth…yes please

William Hsu

I’m REALLY looking forward to Úmarth Part II: Aurë Entuluva! Some people are a little dubious about PJ splitting up the third part of the Nirnaeth Arnoediad saga, but you know that’s just the vogue with young people’s movies any more.

I for one am completely behind PJ’s being true to the book and showing Húrin son of Galdor killing all seventy trolls. Two hours goes by before you know it when there’s fast-paced action like that, and there’s a lot more to the rest of the movie than just the one epic battle.

For one thing, there’s the whole Curse of Morgoth at the end:

“‘Sit now there… with my eyes thou shalt see, and with my ears shalt hear; and never shalt thou move from this place until all is fulfilled unto its bitter end.’

And even so it came to pass; but it is not said that Húrin asked ever of Morgoth either mercy or death, for himself or for any of his kin.”

I mean, come on! Even you non-fans of the new series have to admit that DOES sound like a PJ moviegoing experience these days…

mangociana

one of the funniest fake articles everrrrrrrrr

Andy Burge

I hope he makes them fast so I can see them with my dad and sis and hopefully before I die.

cynthiajeub

Peter Jackson’s plan probably involves using age-reversing technology, which hasn’t been developed but it’s expected before these movies are done being made…

So the last one will be released when he turns 99? Does each count as two parts? So we have 3 hrs dedicated to Ren and Stimpy and the other 3 hours dedicated to Gandalf’s ancestor and Frodo’s ancestor (the untold story – hey man we’re progessives)?
With his purchase of is it all of NZ or just one island? Does he plan on letting them do other things?

Chris Daigle

Frodo’s parents were Rollo Bolger and Primula Brandybuck, he was raised by Bilbo. Frodo’s parents died when he was 12. That would be a short movie even for Jackson. Now if you go backwards from Primula, she was daughter of Gorbadoc Brandybuck and Mirabella Took. Who was the youngest daughter of the Old Took and his brother Bandobras “Bullroarer”. A movie about the Bullroarer might make a better movie. Being the inventor of golf and all.

“That would be a short movie even for Jackson.”
Jackson could make a trilogy out of “Hello, how are you?”. I find your lack of faith disturbing. Opps! Wrong movie!

Rene Amador

i want more Balrog, that was my fav part of any LotR movie. 160 minutes of pure Balrog: baby Balrog, tween Balrog, goes to high school with Gandalf, they’re best friends, Gandalf is 14 year old with a beard and Balrog is a mixed race child of a shadow deity and a flame deity. That way, in FotR when he shows up and Gandalf is like “Uh, oh” you’ll know it’s because Balrog is still mad he never paid the cleaning deposit on their first apartment. As it is now, it’s basically like Darth Vader entering for one scene then dying, for the rest of the movies I was like “Who gives a crap about this Sauron guy, Balrog was kicking ass and he couldn’t even use his wings, he was in a cave, the most non-wing-friendly environment possible, give Balrog a chance!”

Mattarataroo

Perhaps we could include a song sequence in the background, featuring “All We Are Saying, Is Give Balrog Wings A Chance” (sponsored, of course, by “Buffalo Wild Wings”).

chrisyygirl6218

another smart alec heard from lol

tjm

The characters in the Silmarillion make the balrog look like a f*cking p*ssy. no joke

Miloš Novotný

Well, Gothmog, the lord of Balrogs 1) Is a fucking badass 2) Has THE best fantasy name ever

jmitterii2 .

The Balrog he did the best. If he could stick with the way he did most of the LOTR and stay away from the junk and hasty CGI that was done in the Hobbit, then sure. He’d be good director. But I think he’s getting too cartoony. It isn’t fun to watch idiotic physics defying bull. Its like watching road runner cartoon. Its just gets boring.

chrisyygirl6218

beep! beep!

chrisyygirl6218

you will when Ecthelion of tyhe fountain fight Gothmog lord of the balrogs or Glorfindel fighting the balrog with the orcs who were threatening their escape

chrisyygirl6218

I the fall of Gondolin

Sarah Goodwich

“Blarog, you’re going to be the death of me.”
“Don’t say that, Gandalf.”

JFarinholt

Well you are definitely in luck! Balrogs are the general of Melkor’s (Sauron’s boss) army in the Silmarillion. In fact, Jackson plans to have a full movie dedicated to them, and a feature length documentary on their migration patterns and the effort to keep them from becoming extinct in the wild.

Christine

New Zealand is more than one island

LA LA LA

It”s true this ?? Peter Jackon will made a Silmarillion’s movie?

Thomas Buffer

New Zealand is comprised of two islands — did Jackson purchase both?

Quasarsphere

Yes. Yes he did.

madethatway

And your proof, Sir?

Quasarsphere

Well, it’s common knowledge that both Peter Jackson and John Key are 33rd Degree Freemasons and actively involved with the Illuminati. You do the maths.

In any event, even if he was one of those ‘illuminating’ ‘happy folks’, what does that have to do with proof that he owns NZ’s islands, lock, stock and barrel?

May I have some of whatever you’re smoking now, please?

Quasarsphere

Yeah, I can hook you up with the good shit.

And yes, John Key sold the entirety of New Zealand to Peter Jackson in exchange for a speaking role in the movie adaptation of The Adventures Of Tom Bombadil. This is obvious to anyone who doesn’t blindly swallow the mainstream media lies! Think for yourself, man!

madethatway

1. I don’t smoke; it was /sarcasm.

2. What the wealthy buddies of pollies do with their own money is their own business – as long as they’re not hurting anyone else.

3. We only ‘own’ whatever we can take with us when we kick the bucket – and whatever we can’t take with us, was only ever borrowed in the first place.

4. End of argument?

Quasarsphere

The argument ends when you explain the “coincidence” that there were no less than four people with the surname Jackson working on the faked moon landing footage, and the not exactly subtle subliminal messages in Meet The Feebles.

madethatway

Oooookidoki, time for me to exit. This convo just entered Weirdsville.

Quasarsphere

Oh, Jesus, dude…let’s look at this right from the start, shall we? Thomas Buffer asks, presumably jokingly, if Peter Jackson had bought both of NZ’s main islands. I, playing along, reply, “yes, yes he did”.

You ask for proof, whereupon I, on the assumption that you were playing along, spouted the obligatory old toss about Freemasons and the Illuminati.

Your response to that made me wonder whether maybe you thought I was being serious, so I tried to signal that I was just dicking around by saying that Peter Jackson had bought NZ for…for fuck’s sake…a speaking role in THE ADVENTURES OF TOM SODDING BOMBADIL, for Christ’s sake! Surely not even the most rabid conspiracy theorist could say that with a straight face! How could that possibly not clue you in to the fact that I was JOKING???

After that I had to work the fake moon landing shit in there somehow. Had to. It’s the rules. I couldn’t think of a way to get 9/11 being an inside job in there, but believe me, matey, I tried!

And the rest…you saying you were exiting the conversation because it had just entered weirdsville (JUST entered? Really??) came just as I was finishing the last load of utter bullshit that I really enjoyed writing, and I thought, fuck you, I’m posting it, it was too much fun to write to let it go to waste.

Seriously? You weren’t just playing along and challenging me to come up with more and more ridiculous shit? Because I really thought that’s what you were doing! You couldn’t POSSIBLY have thought I was being serious!

I honestly don’t know if you really thought I believed this crap, or whether you’ve just so completely outplayed me that I now feel I have to come out and say I WAS FRIGGING JOKING, but just in case it’s the former, there is a very obvious and easy to find reason that Danny Mulheron’s body was never found: HE’S STILL ALiVE!!!

madethatway

Oh Jesus….Dude! Let’s get it right, mkay? I’m a DUDETTE.

Furthermore, you’re wasting a perfectly good imagination on a silly little blog site.

Go forth and give other novelists a run for their money.

Quasarsphere

The other novelists were not here. You were. The perceived challenge came from you, here.

And I really was having buckets of fun coming up with this stupid shit, which, let’s face it, is in the comment thread of a satirical article. That’s largely why I couldn’t tell whether you were just playing along or not.

madethatway

And now, back to our regularly scheduled program…

Quasarsphere

Quite so 🙂

Quasarsphere

You see, the thing about the Illuminati is, they like to announce their evil schemes in such a way that any member of the general public can spot them if they only look.

In 1990, Peter Jackson, then working on Meet The Feebles, and John Key, then working for the Bankers’ Trust, were both members of the same Masonic Lodge. It had already been decided that John Key would be Prime Minister of New Zealand, and both he and Jackson knew it.

Near the end of Meet The Feebles is a song called Sodomy, sung by Heidi the cow. The song was written by Danny Mulheron, who voiced Heidi, tho’ the song was not sung by that character.

Did I mention Heidi is a cow? What did the cow jump over? The moon, that’s what. An obvious reference to the Jackson family’s involvement in the faked moon landings.

The song is obviously a giant gloat about what Jackson and Key were both planning to do to NZ. “Sodomy/You might think it very odd o’ me/That I enjoy the act of sodomy” etc. But some specific lines are very telling: “Open up your ring” – RING, as in LORD OF – “and try it front to bum” – an obvious reference to the North and South Islands. “We’re not all Pentecostal, but everybody’s got an arsehole” is a clear reference to the city of Invercargill. Is it a coincidence that Mick Jagger once referred to Invercargill as “the arsehole of the world”?

In other news, Chris Pratt will be taking on the crown of Morgoth while Chuck Norris plays Fingolfin and Mike Tyson is Sauron. Peter Jackson will also be making a surprise appearance as a yet-to-be-renamed aquatic God.

The best thing about this entire plan is that around movie 67 in the year 2150, we’ll finally get to see Saruman at the full height of his original powers–played to perfection, of course, by a 228-year-old Christopher Lee, who, aside from Jackson will be the only surviving member of the original crew.

squatty

LTR and hobbit are booooring stories. This will be as well.

chris

I can’t see this ever happening supposedly Jackson said he would never revisit middle earth again after the Hobbit films would love to see this happen though would be awesome.

Steve Collins

Too funny. I am totally certain that many parts of the Silmarillion have been gleaned for movies but the Tolkien rights are undoubtedly problematic.

Elaine Murphy

Bit stupid really – he’ll be dead before the final film is shot!!!!

David B. Levenstam

I really did laugh out loud! In fact I’m still laughing a bit. 😀

Judy Pastrana

I don’t even think it’s true.. He’s got more projects in line (The adventures of Tintin) and he had announced that Battle of Five Armies would be his last journey in Middle Earth. If he’s about to do The Silmarillion, he should’ve announced it before but he didn’t, did he? This is just a hoax.

madethatway

Sadly, I think you’re right. IMDb lists nothing past The Adventures of TinTin: Prisoners of the Sun – and the man himself has made no such suggestions in reality that I could find.

Who on earth has nothing better to do with their time than taunt PJ movie fans in such a cruel fashion??? Off with their heads!

Gerwin

There’s something, and I’m not sure if you know this, but there’s something called a joke. Ever heard of it? When a joke (a satirical post in this case) presents itself, one is not supposed to take it serious. It would be more appropriate for one to participate in the joke and post a witty comment.

Of course, people of a somewhat lower intellingence, often have trouble detecting humor. So no blame on you for being a retard.

Judy… there’s a bridge between Brooklyn and Manhattan I’d like to sell you.

Judy Pastrana

I’d love to see it.

Klarisse Vela

Ah…

chrisyygirl6218

lol

Dennis Tenn

Judy.. That’s the point of all this. We all KNOW it’s not true.. We’re just having fun with it.

chrisyygirl6218

it is nice to dream. I think Clint Eastwood would be a good Hurin

chrisyygirl6218

This article is under the doom of the Tolkiens

Fatal Justice

Is this fake? I just read earlier today that the peeps in charge of Tolkien s estate wasn’t releasing any more of Tolkien s work. (as of right now), And Jackson said there are no more planned ‘Tolkien’ movies because of this.

Christopher Tolkein has said no to selling rights, so it’s not happening

Lena Bartolli

make him an offer he cant refuse

Borut

Actually filming Silmarillion as a TV show could work really well.

B-droid

Hey Peter Jackson, here’s a better idea — split it into 7 seasons and show it on HBO.

Guest

Wow so much bitching going on here. So there’s bitching because entire chapters were missing from the Lord of the Rings, sentences from the Hobbit and then there’s bitching because it’s too long. i think those who bitch and complaining so much should find themselves another hobby.

Guest

Looking forward to see the

Amaunator

I’d say he’s got a ton of work ahead of him with the song of the Valar. I mean, they basically sang the whole history of the world (and probably the universe) twice. If he manages to squash that into 72 films, he’s basically compressing the universe into a tomato and a salt shaker!

Kortni Marie Eskew

72 movies? You mean leave out all the good stuff? Yeesh. And god DAMN that would be a lot of actor changes. Reminds me of Daario Naharis all over again 😉

Jenna Weston

Haters gonna hate hate hate. Gosh. Give Jackson a break, you have to admit, he did a pretty good job with both the Lord of the Rings series and the Hobbit films. He couldn’t add everything from the books into the movies. And can you imagine another director doing as great a job with the movies as he did? And to quote a line from the Hobbit; the Unexpected Journey: “Quit your griping.” Better re-watch the movie to see who I quoted. ^_^

Mike Campbell

72 films ill be dead by then

Emily Cheetham

there are 2 things wrong with this- 1 PJ doesnt have the rights to the silmerliion and 2 he wont live long enough to direct 72 movies coming out every 2 years.

Bassnog

But, but… I was expecting an epic trilogy adaptation of Farmer Giles of Ham to come next.

Alex_125

The Silmarillion: Part 49 is subtitled Gandalf Smokes his Pipe

reference to Ian McKellen

Jacob Wiley

My only regret, I won’t live long enough to see them all

Amethyst G. Blackstone

Really is anyone actually reading the article? This is tounge in cheekf***ing hilarious. We are gonna buy the entire island of New Zealand….and the citizens are free labour. ROFLMAO….AND the dates people.

Tommy Heath

Is this even real?

Nirmal Kant

I just can’t wait to see it. Thanks to Sir Christopher Tolkien who finally gave the copyright to make film on it. Now more high expectation from Peter Jackson.

FERENC CSICSERI

why everybody is bitching about what is missing who is been left out I’ think he did a great job and he used every important part of the book of course is not the exact because than we would have 6 Lord of the Rings movies and at least 5 Hobbit who wanna see that long.I’ just hope he will create the Silmarillion but not 72 movies because no one will be alive by the time the story is over,at least not my generation.I’ think he should make at least 3 more after the LOTR ended and how Aragorn ruled and he’s son grow up to be a King as well

rammen

Blue and yellow, TB is a Swede and as such an enigma in his own right….

Annaconda

OMG, Peter Lackson intends to live until 2160, to direct all 72 movies? Ian McKellen too? They must’ve found some fountain of youth in New Zealand, so they bought the entire island, lol!

Jeez, How will they do that. The Great War is something else. And Ancalagon The Black “a dragon so big he smashed the biggest mountain in middle earth”
8 Balrogs
3 dragons
Very exciting though, hope it happens.

John Bibo

“from 2018 to 2160” i will be dead….the worst news ever :(. plz peter jackson make it sooner

Mironiel

gods this is all a fake…PJ wouldn’t live long enough to make 72 films! Plus, I have heard from more reliable sources that PJ isn’t doing the Sil. He didn’t even want to do the Hobbit, someone else was supposed too, but then backed out at the last minute. So PJ chose to do them instead of facing angry fans.

Mike Jones

Harry potter was still better than all of the Lord of the rings and hobbit combined (film and text) I think we can all agree on that, furthermore the fact he had to purchase New Zealand for slave labor is typical muggle B.S. I can whole heartedly say I’m glad I will have died long before this travesty is finished. Maybe he can sail to film sites on the Amistad

میثم

Part 49 is subtitled Gandalf Smokes his Pipe 😀

Maxialstar

Oh gosh… why make it into 72 movies when they could turn it into a series !? There has to be tons of things in there that they could with !

Greg Michalski

Like star wars all movies will be similar plots with the addition of disney characters to make the stories more profitable

Dárkulín Kovárová

Oh, please, no. Just no.

lol xD

fak u haha!!

Chuck Depp

Too bad he couldn’t get Australia thrown in with the deal…

Lena Bartolli

(from article) “…plan for Tolkien’s The Silmarillion, which begins with a mythological account of the creation of Middle Earth and culminates in the great battles of the Elves during the First Age”

So it follows that If the box office for JRR is still there in 2060, shooting the 2nd age should commence around 2066, giving the actors a brief vacation after a 42 year job.

Yanga

Unfortunately we can’t watch the whole series, cuz we would have been died at that time lol.

Aileen Ordinario

my gosh, will i be alive by the time is see the whole of the series?!!!

Aileen Ordinario

i think i’ll just read the book.

King Yaf

awsomeee i cant wt

korval

The 71st and 72nd films will be directed by Peter Jackson’s great great great great great grandson.

A Person

[purchase the entire island of New Zealand. “In the long run it will cost us a lot less. Plus, now the citizens of New Zealand are the property of our studio, so we get free labor to build sets.”] … what the shit.

Vernhel Dopeño

Im a Middle-Earth fans and i know Peter Jackson will not gave up to his dream to continue the Middle-Earth films and i hope The Simarillion will gonna released in 2016 or in 2018

Michael Woo

He plans on living for another 150 years, or so? Was he born in Numenor?

Vint Pileus Storm

This is a ridiculous post. Peter Jackson won’t even be alive in 2160. Are we talking Middle Earth years cause in present time he’d have to rise from the grave to get that shit done. LMAO for real. Ppl crazy. I’d say 3 films every 2 years he might get close to the goal of 72 films in his life span.

chrisyygirl6218

2060, I will be 98 years old or more likely dead! How about 1 a year

chrisyygirl6218

lets not play Frodo vs Baramir

chrisyygirl6218

chill. but, I cannot understand why someone would not read the book it he or she had the chance before seeing the movie because when you read a book the images of te story are made by the person reading

chrisyygirl6218

Books are better because you can control the images the book implies in you head

Gabriel Laidlaw

This is stupid shit

ITS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

kingsundune

still waiting for the adventures of Tom Bombadil trilogy

Meskiagkasher

Please, please, please do not let Peter Jackson mess up more Tolkien works. Let the makers of GoT do this.

Beleg Strongbow Cuthalion

WHAT?????????????????????? He can’t make it, though, since Christopher Tolkien will never allow him to…

GabrielleD

This is a rip-off from the 90+ hour Silmarillion announcement made in 2008.

First time was funny. Second time is just an old song.

Kerren Kloever

Having read The Hobbit, Lord of the Rings and Silmarillion many times in my youth, I am dismayed by all of this senseless banter over trivialities. Shouldn’t we all just be thrilled that the Silmarillion is finally being “actualized” for the many instead of just us few buffs? If his movies prove to be inadequate, aren’t the viewers entitled to read the books and form their own opinions?

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I want to see Gandalf with a light saber chop off Sarumans fingers! Maybe some more invented goblins and gratuitous was scenes?

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Someone will always complain about something. The movies were good.

Boet

As long as he also busts out the giant frikkin eagles every time Tolkien writes his characters into a corner I’m stoked. Is he gonna borrow Frank Herbert’s giant worms again?

video221middleearth editer (ca

is this a dream?!?!?!?! or is this false please dont be false!!

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Personally, given the portrayal in the LOTR movies, I’m surprised he didn’t do “Merry and Pippin go to White Castle”

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