Look at Adele looking all slinky and sexy on one of the posters for VH1’s annual Divas Live, dominated this year by the cream of the crop, tip of the top, something something ‘op’ of British lady talent.

Not only Adele, who will obviously rock da house and shock da house, but the be-lovely Leona Lewis, who will simper in a long, long dress, make sounds that will open garage doors two blocks down and generally be the classiest thing to come out of Hackney since… *mind goes blank, visions of Diane Abbott appear in front of eyes*

Down the shallow end we have Kelly Clarkson, the vile Miley Cyrus and who-she-unless-you-watch-American-Idol Jordin Sparks. And to think the first ever Divas Live had Mariah, Aretha, Gloria, Celine and Carole King.

Aretha must be turning in her grave. Can’t you feel the earth move (Carole King ref there if you want it)? Oh, Aretha’s not dead?

Danyl Johnson is henceforth to be known as Anal Danyl. Even though we think Danyl is supposed to be pronounced as in ‘Daniel’, not as in, well, ‘anal’. (Btw, why the hating on the ‘ie’? What did ‘ie’ ever do to you? Did it try and stick amiel nitrate up your snout?)

Aaaand, back to us. So, Anal Danyl Johnson (maybe we’ll go with ADJ… sounds almost like, ‘Hey, Mr DJ, put a record on. So long as it has a nice two-step and includes the word “hesitation”.’) was on Americanish telly this morning. Or last night. Or something. Then they showed it us on GMTV this morning. We were going to mention it earlier but, well, forgot. Completely forgot. Nothing. Nada. Not a fucking inch. Then we remembered.

So the US and A is going dipsy-loo-la over Anal Danyl – who earned his moniker by way of being a bisexual. Which we all know is just a stop-over on the way to gay – and they’re calling him the next SuBo (such an honour!) and the fella on this MSNBC (just rolls of the tongue) show even goes as far as to say he’s the best thing since that Ryvita biscuit we just saw floating down the Thames. Calm down dear.

Anyway, what struck us was the complete absence of talk of his sexual proclivities. Now naturally it’s no-one’s business except ours, and a person’s sexuality really don’t matter diddly squat even though it does (straight? Polycottons? Not on your nelly!) and we really do need gays on the tellybox who aren’t Gok cunting Wan, so we just thought it was interesting that no sooner does he come out (in the Knutsford Services manner of speaking – you know, stop for a Burger King and a fondle in the toilets but there are bigger and better things further along), than he’s right back to not talking about it. Or being asked about it. Andcetera. And we’ve come to the conclusion that now America is sniffing about, that Jack’s gotta get right back into the box.

Just wait until the religious nuts find out he teaches children! Little ones! A bisexual! With children! They’re all gonna die………………………………………..!

This is David Bentley. He’s what is known as a footballer and his presence was only brought to our attention this very day when we read a story concerning his poor driving habits. Apparently he takes ‘One more for the road’ literally. Maybe he’ll take ‘Cum on our tits’ literally too. Yay.

Two bigots meet over the counter at Greggs. They’re united by their love of grease and hate of almost everything else. They deplore racism on Big Brother (which they’re secretly addicted to), but complain about ‘all those foreigners coming and taking our jobs’. They moan about the country ‘going to the dogs’ yet they plead for patriotism. They single-handedly change the meaning of ‘real’ to ‘fat’ (see anything on Femail). They berate airbrushed magazine covers, yet highlight the teeny tiniest bit of cellulite, and of course they parade their anti-gay marriage, anti-gay adoption, anti-gay Gaydar views (see anything written by Amanda ‘I’m not homophobic, but…’ Platell). And now, these people can meet on the Daily Mail dating website, have a little grope down an alley, produce spawn and ensure their bigoted bile lives on. Oh hooray. And what an array of beauties they have to choose from… (more…)

Not really much to say about this, a video mash-up (in the parlance of the streets) of a Sigur Ros video, some crazy rantings of some crazy Christians like Sally Kerns, Anita Bryant, some random bishops and child-fondlers and finally some sensible words from the likings of Ellen Degeneres, Wanda Sykes and Michael Moore – all on the subject of why the gays is going straight to hell (praise the Lord baby Jesus etc) without even a stop-off for bumming.

Yes, that is how that funny-looking guy up there described his fairy tale relationship with the girl he kidnapped 18 years ago. Bundled into a car when she was eleven (so quaint), Jaycee Lee Dugard was hidden in a ‘backyard within a backyard’ (how Gardeners World) repeatedly raped (aww, romantic) and gave birth to a little girl at the age of 14 (so cute). Yes, definitely one of the feel-good stories of the year.

And what did the offending man have to say about this 18 years of Josef Fritzl-esque nastiness during a radio interview he gave from prison (presumably that was his ‘one phone call’ then);

‘If you take this a step at a time, you’re going to fall over backward and in the end you’re going to find the most powerful, heart-warming story.’

As much as we hate to include Potato Geldof in any story and give her yet more endless coverage, we had to include this latest picture of her lollaping around somewhere in London’s glittering Soho. It reminded us of the pictures of the fatty options on the wall-menu of our local Tennessee Fried Chicken. Nasty.