"Businesses are just sacking people because they are worried but the economy overall is very sound, but of course businesses don't believe that because nobody is buying anything," he said.

"Who am I kidding? I don't really have a clue what's going on either. Hang on, did I say that out loud?"

Greens Leader Bob Frown said, despite the economic gloom, he still hoped to receive some cufflinks made from gum nuts for Christmas.

Meanwhile astronomers say they have found a black hole that has eaten billions of suns and is 10 times the size of the solar system.

"This thing is bloody big," astronomer Paul Gazer said.

"By tracking down and measuring these massive black holes at huge public expense we will be able to better understand how their host galaxies were assembled, and how the holes achieved such monstrous mass.

"Why we would actually want to know any of that is one of the great mysteries of the universe."

Thirsty Cow is fiction. It is made up yada yada yada. Next week will be the last Thirsty Cow for 2011. If you would like Thirsty Cow to return in 2012 please let us know by emailing thirstycow@apn.com.au.