49

96

53.4

47.5

49.9

.344

.363

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

See, Jonathan Villar, aren't home runs more fun than stolen ba— oh, you also stole two bases. Carry on.

2

53

90

57.4

52.9

53.8

.379

.361

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

It's been a while since Sunday school, but I'm pretty sure the Christian Yelich falls on the third Thursday of October.

3

66

78

58.6

58.8

60.8

.424

.404

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Zach Miner struck out the side in an inning of relief, provided you ignore those other three hits he allowed. You can still call it that, right?

4

58

86

61.8

61.0

60.8

.419

.439

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Conor Gillaspie may have had three errors in the box score, but his only error that mattered was failing to love himself.

5

66

77

61.9

62.5

62.7

.443

.423

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Eight runs? That's an offensive explosion! Pieces of bats everywhere. Alarms sounding into the frozen night. Children just bawling into their mothers arms, "why, mommy? Why did they score more than four?"

6

64

79

65.3

63.7

63.4

.448

.429

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Matt den Dekker and Travis d'Arnaud batted back-to-back, which has to be the first time two people whose names began with lowercase d's appeared in consecutive order since E.E. Cummings was a manager.

7

65

80

60.4

64.5

63.7

.437

.457

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

They dealt away Brendan Ryan to the Yankees for a player to be named later. It's pretty obvious this is Alex Rodriguez, because if he wins his suspension appeal, then he's clear to play next year.

8

63

80

61.5

65.0

64.8

.445

.464

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

All this sadness and yet: having finally played, and beat, Oakland this year, they hold a winning record against every AL West team.

9

67

77

67.7

64.6

66.6

.462

.482

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

An example of a headline that could get you fired at a newspaper when Anthony Gose hits a home run, as he did last night, is "Anthony Gose Yard." So please do not use this.

10

77

68

72.3

65.3

66.9

.485

.505

0.0%

8.2%

8.2%

3.5%

-2.3%

Alfonso Soriano has seven multi-homer games this year. Nobody else has more than four. Miggy and Chris Davis each have three.

11

67

79

70.8

70.0

66.9

.470

.450

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Here's an easy way to tell Todd Helton apart from Paul Konerko. Helton is "the other one."

12

72

72

71.0

69.0

68.9

.488

.468

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

-0.1%

-0.3%

Their playoff hopes are dwindling, but it's almost that time where they can start calling their northern friends and brag about the fair temperatures.

13

62

81

64.5

67.3

69.0

.459

.440

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

No doubt the 4-2 loss to the Cardinals was disappointing. They didn't even get to face John Axford.

14

62

82

67.1

69.6

69.4

.465

.446

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

What was Edwin Jackson thinking during his home run trot? Probably, "Man, this is fun. No wonder everybody does this against me!" But I kid! Only most people hit home runs off Edwin Jackson.

15

65

80

64.0

68.9

69.5

.461

.441

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Yet ANOTHER game in which Yusmeiro Petit didn't throw a perfect game. He didn't even pitch. He's slipping.

16

76

69

76.5

70.0

71.0

.506

.526

0.1%

3.1%

3.1%

2.2%

2.0%

Luke Hochevar has struck out 29 of the last 66 batters he has faced. 11 of them have reached base.

17

68

76

70.9

72.6

71.8

.492

.512

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

0.0%

Even though Mike Trout DHed last night, he still robbed the other team of a home run using magnets and telekinesis.

18

75

69

72.0

73.9

72.5

.509

.489

0.0%

1.6%

1.6%

0.4%

0.2%

Technically by the last 10 games, they're are the hottest team in the National League. But we're going by outside average temperature, so thanks anyway.

19

77

67

76.7

74.4

75.5

.527

.547

0.1%

11.5%

11.5%

-1.1%

1.8%

Years from now, futuristic robot scientists will be unable to explain how Chris Davis and Brady Anderson are atop the Orioles single-season home run leaders, or what any of those things are.

20

77

67

75.9

73.9

75.5

.525

.545

0.7%

23.2%

23.9%

-3.4%

11.8%

Idea: Take out half the seats and replace the existing ones with massage chairs and foot baths. You'll sell out every game at 20,000 a night.