Job hunting student forgets to complete degree

Jamie McKenzie, a 21 year old student at Durham University, spent her entire university life applying for ‘grad roles’ but failed to do any sort of academic activity.

Speaking exclusively to notsonews, she said, ‘When I joined Durham, everyone from the newspapers to my lecturers told me that a degree ‘wouldn’t really take you far these days’, and that it didn’t mean anything for employers.

They said that if I wanted to spend the next 30 40 years of my life punching numbers and spouting bile in the corporate world, it was only really about who you knew, and what spring week, then summer internship you got’.

Jamie apparently took these words to heart whilst still physically attending Castle college in Durham for 3 years. During this time she was living on campus and attending networking events (even those without free pizza) but never actually doing any form of academia.

‘I listened to the advice I was given – to make connections and ensure I knew the right people, so I spent all my time socialising and joining various drinking/hazing/’sport’ societies. After all, nothing bonds future colleagues like the drunken memories of one of them holding the others’ hair back as she vomits.’

However, from this idyllic picture of university life, things were about to turn for the worst. The multiple spring weeks Jamie had done yielded summer vacation schemes and these in turn yielded numerous job offers. But as soon as her would be employer asked for her university transcript, Jamie’s world crumbled.

‘She was deregistered as a student two years ago,’ Dean Marshall Collins of Castle College told us. ‘To the best of my knowledge she never attended a single class, I’m not even sure she knows what degree she signed up for…’

When questioned as to her lack of university work, Jamie claimed that the time she spent identifying how to cheat personality tests was as valuable as any other.

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