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A few days ago my wife and I had a “discussion” that was particularly illuminating and frustrating all at the same time. I realized that I was approaching a situation in our relationship in a way that I felt was respectful and thoughtful; however she revealed that my actions were not perceived as being respectful and thoughtful at all! In fact, she thought that I was being the opposite of respectful and thoughtful! This was the frustrating part!

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The illuminating part was seeing once again, just how different we really are. In my attempts to do the right thing, I ended up doing the wrong thing in her eyes. In her attempts to do the right thing, she ended up doing the wrong thing in my eyes. Sound familiar?

This same process not only plays out in millions of homes, it plays out everyday where we work too doesn’t it? I read a stat that said that over 60% of workplace clashes were due to “personality conflicts.” Incidentally, “personality conflicts” is a nice way to say, “I think my co-worker is a moron! Jerk! Idiot! Talks too much! Doesn’t talk enough! Is too excited! Is too dull! Smiles too much! Never smiles! Tells dumb jokes. Never has enough fun. Likes Coca-Cola! Likes Pepsi! Voted for Obama. Voted for Romney!” and on and on and on.In other words, one of the the biggest causes of conflict in the workplace is tied into how we relate to one another! Let Me Breathe!I once worked with someone who would immediately want to tell me every every detail of her weekend when I walked into work on Monday morning. Unfortunately for her, I wanted to spend Monday morning focusing on getting caught up over what happened over the weekend and prepare myself for the week ahead. So, I guess you could say we both had very different agendas! I would often walk in to the office with my head down (trying to avoid eye contact) and head straight into my office. When grabbing my morning coffee, I would keep my head down, walk straight to the coffee machine, avoid eye contact while waiting for my coffee, and then grab my coffee and head straight to my office, without encouraging any type of conversation on her part. How do you think my actions were perceived? I’m sure that my avoiding her didn’t do our relationship any good and in looking back, while I do wish she was more self-aware to know that Monday morning wasn’t a good time to unload about her weekend to me, I know I could have handled those situations much more effectively, so she still felt valued and cared for, while still being clear about what I needed from her. Both of us entered into this situation thinking that we were both right! I’m sure she couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just listen for thirty, five minutes about what was going on in her life and I couldn’t understand why she didn’t understand my need to get started on my work. In the end, we were both right and wrong. We all do speak different languages, don't we? And this makes creating positive and effective relationships at work not very easy! But it can be done! And it starts with realizing that your relationships are crucial to success and that everyone brings a different language to the table. We just need to start translating! What have you done to cultivate positive relationships at work?______________If you’d like more information on dealing with workplace conflicts, I encourage you to register for a webinar I’m doing with the Multifamily Insiders, Apartment All-Stars and NAA Education Institute team on Wednesday September 10 at 2pm ET! For more information or to register, click here! We’ll provide you and your team with great content and the webinar can be used towards continuing education credits through NAAEI. Thank you to Apartment Guide and MRI Software for sponsoring this webinar!

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Rommel Anacan

I am a national speaker, trainer, and strategic consultant to companies and organizations. I'm alsothe president and founder of The Relationship Difference a professional and personal development company in Orange County, California.

My passion is helping people succeed by helping them connect, communicate and engage with the people around them more effectively.

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