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April 24, 2012

Discomfort, Squared

Well y'all, I've made it up to the opening credits of today's General Hospital and it's clear to me that the only way to keep my sanity and sort through my feelings on it is going to be to just recap it as we go. To catch us up: Ewen's trying to figure out why Kate didn't show up to commit herself, Sonny's barging in on Johnny and Konnie in bed together (after a hilarious moan from Konnie that Sonny heard from downstairs, a moan so silly that I'm continuing to cross my fingers that this whole thing was staged and Johnny is not really that gross now -- I mean I know he's a mobster, but does he have to be a super-gross mobster in such an appealing package?), Michael is referring to Franco's rape of Sam as "all that craziness with Franco" because that is a respectful way to speak to a rape victim about what happened to her, Alexis is trying to chat with Jason (good luck), and Liz is lurking.

Credits. Commercials.

So... where was I? I kind of got distracted by "Johnny" and "appealing package" in the same sentence.

Oh, Konnie looks kind of freaked out while Johnny smugs it up to Sonny who is... kind of under-reacting?

Michael and Carly cute it up at each other or something, and then Carly goes over to smite Sam for having kept the Robin secret from Jason for like a day and a half. Sam gets hilarious.

Sam: Okay, fine, I lied to Jason, you told him the truth, you're the best friend ever.

Ha! Love it. Carly feigns indignation that she was just making conversation and doesn't understand why she got so defensive.

Alexis and Jason talk about Sam having chatted with John McBain. SCANDAL!

John McBain is smirking it up with Max over at Casa Sonny, and Michael speaks for all of us when he finds the awesomely destroyed birthday cake. "Holy crap."

Elizabeth is trying to figure out what's going on with Ewen's patient, but he's got to rush off to find Konnie. Konnie, meanwhile, is telling an exceptionally bronze Sonny that she's with Johnny voluntarily and pretends that they've been having an affair for a couple of months. She gets all weepy, and Johnny throws his fist in the air and says, "Hell of a birthday, huh, Sonny?"

Jason, who is trying to outdo himself in the "how to be horrible to your wife who just told you she's been impregnated by her rapist" department (it's a department, yes), starts challenging Sam about having spent time with John McBain while Carly looks on, delighted by the obvious discomfort of her "best friend" and his wife. Michael reports the gruesome cake crime scene to his mother, who says, "Kate probably did it. Her and Sonny must've gotten in a fight," and every part of me that ever even regarded grammar just a little bit dies inside. And Carly is completely punch drunk, if not actually drunk.

Johnny continues to taunt Sonny and Konnie improvises and Kelly Sullivan is pretty funny here. Sonny obviously pulls a gun on Johnny and suggests that he could kill them both. This somehow furthers the bronzeness of his complexion.

OH NO, Y'ALL, WILL HE MURDER THEM BOTH WHERE THEY LIE?! The suspense is killing me.

Sam tells Jason why she was talking to John McBain at her mother's house the other day, while McBain himself is giving Max a search warrant and then going upstairs at Casa Sonny by himself because Max is busy trying to evade Ewen's questions about Kate's location. Great right-hand man there, Max!

Konnie tries to stop Sonny from shooting Johnny and he tells her to shut up and that he doesn't care about her and OH MY GOD Y'ALL I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!

Sonny (to Konnie): I don't give a damn about you anymore! You're a FAITHLESS WHORE to me!

It has been so many years since we've gotten to hear Sonny call someone a faithless whore! I think I might cry a little. Sonny then announces that the only question he has right now is who he shoots first, and I do not think I've ever found him more heartthrobby than I do right at this moment! (You know, I've been complaining a lot about the lack of reduction in screentime for Sonny and Jason since Valentini and Carlivati took over but I have to say, I'm enjoying them both being portrayed as such unfathomable bastards at the moment because I like it when I feel like hating them is right, rather than wondering why in the world they are supposed to be the show's romantic heroes.) (Mind you, I only said "at the moment," and don't hold me to that!) Anyway of course Carly comes in downstairs and hears gunshots that will obviously not result in any deaths.

Max throws Ewen out of Casa Sonny and Max taunts John McBain, because Max is dumb. John makes a Tony Robbins joke and I make a mental note reminding myself that I really need to get around to unleashing the power within. It's been on the to-do list for a while.

Jason further challenges Sam on this McBain business and is being incredibly annoying. Apparently Sam signed an imaginary full disclosure agreement with her husband, while he of course keeps about a million secrets from her every day because it's the "nature of the business" and then he just walks off and leaves his wife sitting there.

Sam and Alexis chat and I really am going to lose it if she doesn't just tell her mom what's going on. And instead of just asking Sam point-blank if John McBain was how she got a hold of Franco's DNA, Jason goes and grills Max about McBain and brings his nephew along to stand around looking concerned because it's "Bring Your Nephew to Work Day" for the mob.

He asks Max about Kate and then runs off, with Michael following him.

Carly, having seen Sonny wandering by with a gun in the hallway, rushes into the bedroom to find Konnie and Johnny there. She is very upset, and Johnny tells her it's not what it looks like. Then he explains to her that they slept together, which I assume is precisely what Carly thought it looked like. (None of this means that they didn't stage it, dammit! Hope springs eternal!) Konnie is fascinated by the bullet holes in the wall.

Alexis asks Michael for insight into Jason's general assitude, but he is able to provide none and this leads to a discussion about John McBain and his unnecessary personal grudge against Sonny and his various chats with Sam that have everyone's eyebrows raised.

Jason goes to the hospital and shows Elizabeth a photo of John McBain and asks if he's the man she saw Sam with, which she confirms. Sam is having the standard soap scene of talking to her baby and foolishly telling her baby that Jason's going to be a great father when John McBain walks up.

Sonny bangs into his house and yells at Max and pours himself a drink, and the barware props have minds of their own today. Meanwhile Carly calls Konnie a "filthy bitch" and Konnie taunts her, asking if she's going to kill her, to which Carly retorts, "There's a first time for everything." Well, yes, Carly, if you killed her right now it would indeed be the first time you killed her. Well put! Anyway, Johnny accidentally calls her "Konnie," and Carly wonders why he called her that, and Konnie looks all nervous. Here's a hint, Krazy Konnie: if you don't want Carly to know you're the alter, fake Kate's accent the way we just saw you do the whole first half of the show for Sonny. IT'S NOT THAT HARD. And Johnny looks like he feels bad, not because he just had "sex" (maybe staged? maybe staged?) with Kate without anything resembling valid consent from the actual person, but because it made Carly mad.

I do not have the time or the energy or the wherewithal at the moment to get worked up about what has been done to a fake person with a silly soapy totally outlandish version of D.I.D., so I'm not going to rant right now, but I'm going to just keep putting it out in the universe: PLEASE LET IT HAVE BEEN STAGED.

Comments

I just love the show. I think 85% of it is excellent and it looks like they're moving fast on getting the Konnie story wrapped up. And John and Anna are working together. Luke is a human being. And Scott Sickles's work is showing up. I'm a happy watcher.

I totally loved the couple of scenes a few days ago where every time Michael was getting ready to stuff food in his mouth, someone would demand his attention. Very realistic.

Good grief Sam. Being a rape victim: you're doing it wrong. She's not horrified enough or honest enough and she's not considering poor, poor Jason feelings in reaction to her rape. She should probably check out a website so she can get her act together

Thank you, bethie. I try. And, seriously, why anyone on any soap goes to any sort of group event is beyond me. You either get murdered or your secrets get publicly broadcast or you're injured or someone tries to blow up the whole building. They never look like they're even GOOD parties, either.

There we go! That's better people . . .smiles and chuckles all around! Snark away! I regret to inform you all that I am not funny or quick witted enough to make these kind of fun, snarky, on the money comments, but I sure as hell enjoy them!

I always wonder the same thing, who ARE all these people milling around in the background at the Sonny-centric affairs at the MetroCourt?

In my head they all come in and get like...a bingo card to check off things that happen... two women in a bitchy catfight...one person there waiting for their gf/wife/bff who is involved in some other SL to show up...member of the law enforcement community inappropriately there...two people who are obviously keeping a secret yell-whispering about it...weapon brandishment...BINGO!!!!

"Also part of me wanted Carly to kick off her heels and dive on the bed and start whooping Connies behind. I say it's time Connie and Caroline to get introduced and I don't mean a slap here and there. I want a old fashioned throw down like the ones from Dynasty and Falcon Crest. Hell I would love it if Carly showed up to Kates office ready to rumble with gym shoes and a jar of vaseline!"

Carly is all mouth. She doesn't fight physically, unless she can slap and no one slaps her back.

Since Connie has the mindset of a teenage girl I'm already uncomfortable enough with the writing for her, without needing to see her brawl with another woman. I mostly wish Kelli Sullivan could find a better accent.

Are we sure the Connie story is wrapping up? At the moment it seems as vague as ever.

"@Carl--I see the Kate/Connie revelation as the big May sweeps story, with K/C off to the looney bin by the end of June."

I thought they might drag it out because there is little story going on for Sonny beyond this, unless the story becomes about Johnny and Connie/Kate is just another of his victims. You may be right though. I guess if she's Kate she will simper and pout and look at the clock until it's time to be her slutty alter again, like Jessica did on OLTL.

DocHopper, I like the bingo idea. I've always assumed the extras in the background at MetroCourt parties were groupies in some sort of secret club that follows the lives of PC's finest.

(...or possibly just opportunistic free meal seekers who assume they'll be able to get some hors d'oeuvres in before the inevitable cat fight/hostage situation/mob battle/act of God interrupts and they can skip out on the bill?)

Carl -- I like your Carly story idea. I have a dream. . . that GH lasts long enough for them to age Josslyn to a precious 18-year-old who seduces mommy's latest "love of her life" and arranges for Carly to walk in on them, then drugs mom and leaves her in a laundry cart in a hall somewhere. Delicious irony, that would be.

Completely unrelated to "kitchenware flinging", I'm loving Heather Webber. Her reaction today when Olivia slapped her was perfect. . it was the best. . .it was almost like she couldn't believe someone would be silly enough to slap her! HER!!!

Hey maybe it's just me and I can't let go of my high school crush on Jason Morgan and the box car days, but I must not be watching the same show. It seems like Jason isn't just complaining that Sam lied to him, it's how do they have a marriage if she doesn't confide in him. She isn't working out how she feels, she is just keeping him out of it. The fact that Sam isn't a character on her own just a satelite orbiting around Jason, well that's another problem, but not with the character of Jason. Did anyone else hear her when she corrected him? He said "what Franco did to you" and she said "what Franco did to us." Remember when Sam was a character on her own? Yeah me neither, but wouldn't it be nice.

On my screen I saw "The Avengers" love fest, and at the bottom of the screen I saw a commercial for bread. . .I can't remember what kinda bread, but maybe dempsters in a banner along the bottom of the screen so I got a two-fer.

Quite frankly, I am totally ok to have the endless product placements (as long as they are not touted in the dialogue. . .much) if it keeps the show on the air. Bring 'em on!