Sleb Safari: Gemma Collins for the Dancing on Ice win

SLEB Safari never ceases to be amazed that Dancing On Ice returns year after year with celebrities clambering over each other to buck lep across a slippery surface wearing boots with actual blades on the soles.

This year’s celebrity ice skaters include former Strictly professional dancer James Jordan, Corrie’s Jane Danson, Frenchie from Grease, Brian McFadden, whose mum says he’s a “one-man Torvill and Dean” (which is as far from a compliment as it gets), and the one-woman tornado that is the GC.

That’s right, Gemma Collins is in the building and she’s strapped on a pair of ice skates and training hard for what she says will be a showstopping performance.

If anyone knows how to stop a show it’s Gemma. Remember when she fell down a trapdoor at an awards show? She was twirling around on stage after announcing a winner and didn’t notice the hole in the floor opening up. Note to Dancing On Ice producers – do not include pirouettes in Gemma’s routines. That way trouble lies.

Gemma has promised fans she won’t let them down and isn’t afraid of a fall or two.

“Obviously, I’m not as fit as the others. You just sweat so much around the ice, but any fall compared to the Teen Awards is just not going to beat what happened there,” she told the Press Association.

“If I can fall down a trapdoor at the Teen Awards I’m not scared to fall on the ice.” What a trooper.

“Despite reports, I am loving life right at the minute. I really am.

“I already know the opening song I’m going to come out to. It’s going to be huge. My costume is going to be amazing.

“There’s going to be fireworks. Everyone is going to pass out. It’s going to be a showstopper.

“You know what, I’m really enjoying it. I’m having great fun. It is exhausting but we have all got to start somewhere.”

You’re not wrong there Gemma. Did you know she has written a book? The GC: How To Be A Diva was published earlier this year and in one memorable interview madame was asked about a section in her book and coolly replied: "I've not read that bit in the book, where was that? I've not seen that bit so I can't comment on that."

Suffice to say Gemma isn’t going to win the Man Booker but she's going to give Dancing On Ice all she's got. With enough backcombing, Essex guts and a strong partner, the ice rink's her oyster.

Dead Millennials Is the New Socality Barbie

Dead Millennials has taken over where Socality Barbie left off, poking fun at the deep thinkers who post endless photos of themselves pretending the camera has caught them off guard, casually scuffing the tip of their shoe against the pavement in front of street art. You know the type…

Dead Millennials posts things like: “Just want to take a second to complain about how tired I am from my busy and awesome life and at the same time mention how important rest and relaxation is. #humblebrag”

Judi Dence Will Star in Film Version of Cats

Judi Dench is going to play the part of Deuteronomy in the film version of Cats which sounds like excellent casting.

Tom Hooper is in charge of turning the Andrew Lloyd Webber musical into a film. The musical was based on TS Eliot’s Old Possum’s Book Of Practical Cats, fact fans.

The confirmed cast for the film includes Idris Elba, Taylor Swift, Ian McKellen, Jennifer Hudson and James Corden.

Sleb Safari is feline good about this remake.

Social Media Smut

You really have to be so uncertain of your own masculinity to concern yourself with how another man carries his child. Any man who wastes time quantifying masculinity is terrified on the inside. https://t.co/9jsHZ3WKRn