On the Perfections Attributed to God

by P.D. Magnus

Scholastic philosophy made an industry of enumerating the perfections
of God. Although such work is unlikely to result in an academic
appointment in today's atmosphere of secular, naturalistic philosophy,
it may be helpful to review the possibilities; perhaps it would
allow one to enumerate the perfections that can be attributed
to the Brain. What follows is a cursory list of perfections, with
interpretive gloss and illustrative examples where appropriate.

omnipotence

the perfection of being all powerful

omniscience

the perfection of being all knowing

omnipresence

the perfection of being everywhere; ubiquity

omnibenevolence

the perfection of being all good; the problem of evil has motivated
arguments that an omnipotent God could not possess this perfection

omnidoxence

the perfection of being all believing; this relativized form
of omniscience may be used interchangeably with "gullibility"

omniabsence

the perfection of not being anywhere; one of the few perfections
an atheist will admit of God

omnimalevolence

the perfection of being all evil; the problem of good has motivated
arguments that God could not possess this perfection

omnisyllogence

the perfection of following as a conclusion from oneself as a
premise; this appears to be the perfection critical to the success
of the ontological argument

omniontologence

the perfection of being all things; observing that omnisyllogence
only establishes the de dicto existence of God, some medievals
claimed this was the perfection central to the ontological argument;
yet, God is not a poached egg, and thus God is not omniontologent

omniomnience

the perfection of being all things to all people

omnicorpulence

the perfection of being every body; although some sources attribute
this to God, one imagines that it would require a consensus

omnicrapulence

the perfection of being all messed up

omnihilism

the perfection of not meaning anything; the perfection granted
to God upon his death

omnitemperence

the perfection of refraining from everything; renders omnipotence
moot