Why Condolence Words Bring Consoling Thoughts

By Dave Pipitone

When a friend or family member dies, shock, numbness and disbelief set in. Condolence words can be hard to find, especially if a tragic death or traumatic death occurred. Sharing words of condolence can help relieve the deep and instant pain that happens when a sudden death occurs.

Often, in the United States, the first people to learn of a sudden death are family members, a priest or minister, friends from church and other friends. Being a friend to someone who has experience the immediate death of a loved one involves listening and being present. A wake or funeral service may include a funeral scripture from the Bible, often one of the Gospels.

A favorite scripture passage is about Jesus the Good Shepherd from the tenth chapter of the Gospel of John, or the words of Jesus from chapter 14 of the Gospel of John. These words contain the assurance that Jesus will prepare a place, a room, a home for those who die.

At a wake or funeral, friends may buy or write condolence cards that convey words of sorrow, empathy and being there for the surviving spouse, family member or friend. Condolence words are a bereavement gift that helps lift a person's awareness that you care for them during this time of shock, numbness or disbelief.

Many times, after a funeral, the person whose loved ones have died feels alone and isolated. Friends who came to the funeral may drift away. It is very normal to feel angry at this time - angry at the disease or accident, angry at God, angry with a doctor or hospital or angry that the deceased loved one didn't watch out for themselves.

Helping your friend think consoling thoughts can be a challenge during this time. Offering to listen and give condolence words of hope can help take the edge of the anger and help your friend make it through a difficult time.

It is very common to experience yearning - wanting to see our deceased loved one again - and soon. Widows or widowers whose spouses have died yearn for their lost partner. Their partner's presence is deeply missed. It is completely normal to miss someone who has been a part of your life for a long time. Words of sympathy can provide an assurance that you care for a person at this time.

Give words of condolence when your friend is depressed and feels sad over the loss. Look for the symptoms: the inability to focus or concentrate, disruption of sleep, a drastic change in eating habits or up-and-down emotions, or feeling tired or listless. It is normal for someone who is grieving to feel less emotional and physical energy.

The process of grieving is very normal when a loved one dies. Remember that everyone is unique and the death of every loved one is different. There is no such thing as a typical loss. Not everyone goes through all of them or goes in a straight-forward process.

Death happens to everyone. A simple bereavement gift of condolence words brings peace of heart and calm of mind to those who are grieving.