- The three of them looked at the contraption in the centre of the puddle jumper which was now glowing brightly.

CARTER: “What’d you do?” RODNEY: “I’m not entirely sure.”ZELENKA: “It could just be me, but wasn’t that planet green a few moments ago?”CARTER: “Mckay, what were you thinking just now?”RODNEY: “Oh nothing – just thinking back to that mission report where you found a time machine inside a puddle jumper and I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be cool if we…”BECKETT: “O’ no…”CARTER: “Flip it back! Flip it back!”

- *FLASH* The planet returns to a nice lush green.

BECKETT: “O’ thank god.”

- *FLASH*

RODNEY: “Uh oh…” CARTER: “Rodney!”

- *FLASH*

RODNEY: “Hey, cool.” ZELENKA: “Quit it!”

- *FLASH*

BECKETT: “Here ‘e go.”

- *FLASH*- Two huge Wraith ships start flying towards them.

CARTER: “MCKAY!” RODNEY: “Oh, sorry.”

- *FLASH*

BECKETT: “Knock it off Mckay!”

- *FLASH*

RODNEY: “I’m confused.” ZELENKA: “Rodney!” RODNEY: “Kidding.”

- *FLASH*

CARTER: “Oh for the love of Pete… Give it here!”RODNEY: “You haven’t got the funky gene.BECKETT: “I’ll do’t.”RODNEY/ZELENKA: “NO!” CARTER: “Don’t think anything.”ZELENKA: “Do you think it would be wise idea to get out of here?”RODNEY: “Don’t ask me questions or I’ll start thinkin’.”ZELENKA: “I wasn’t, I was simply giving you instructions so that we don’t end up in any more life threatening predica –”

- *FLASH*- They all turn to see the sun swollen and about to explode…

CARTER/BECKETT/ZELENKA: (frantically yelling) “Turn it back!”

- *FLASH*

___________

JOHN: “Who would call at this hour?”RODNEY: “You know, it’s not this time all over the galaxy.”JOHN: “I knew that.”

___________

DANIEL: “Dr. Beckett I presume. I met you briefly in Antarctica.”BECKETT: “It was ‘n accident…”

JOHN: “Did we just?” MCKAY: “Yes.” JOHN: “And is that ship…” MCKAY: “Yes.” JOHN: “So basically we’re…” MCKAY: “Yes.” FORD: “And I didn’t even get to name it.”MCKAY: (sharply) “Don’t even get me started on you.”JOHN: “Oh, and what would you have called it Gateship boy?”FORD: “Whoops.”BECKETT: “Somehow ‘ Whoops’ just doesn’t cut it.”

stolen from Noxiard Laboratires East Western Arm 873754 if found please return.WARNING: This device is only good for 10 000 years or 2 600 000 beams, after which period no responsibility will be taken for injury, accidental location confusion or mind swapping.

_______

ALIEN CIRCUIT : “We advise that the door you are touching is currently locked.”MCKAY: “Thank you, I noticed – wait, did that door just talk to me???” FORD: “Don’t worry, everything seems to talk to you – watch.”

Title:Doctor What?By:ellymellySpoilers: Up to and including Doomsday also contains Torchwood themes (not really much in the way of spoilers)Pairing: Doctor/RoseRated: GWord count: 1 694Summary: An alternet ending to Doomsday - (ie. let's pretend the runnaway bride doesn't exist lol) You know, one of those endings where Rose and the Doctor will eventually get back together and we can resume loud squeeing.Chapter One:Wanderer*new* Chapter Two: Going Down?

“Hmm, give me time. I’ll work it out.”

“You could just ask me where I’m from.” Meiva watched The Doctor’s eyes widen with a strange amount of delight.

“Ah, but that would be easy. No fun in asking. No one ever found out anything interesting by asking. Asking is for lawyers and women.”

Meiva glared disapprovingly until the ground underneath her moved and she ended up feet in the air, head staring up at a green, glowing tube that seemed to be pulsating. The Doctor sprung up from where he had fallen on the floor and started touching things on the main consol of his ship. “Fascinating.” He muttered, rolling his hand over a ball shaped device, “This is amazing, don’t you think it’s amazing?”

Meiva propped herself up onto her elbows. The Doctor watched the tube glow brightly then, with a look of devious excitement, he pulled down on one of the large levers. “You up for a quick spell in the Milky Way?”

“What’s going on?”

“The Time Vortex is sucking us in,” said The Doctor, putting all of his weight onto the lever, “It’s pulling us like a great, big, ah –“ the Doctor’s mouth hung open. Either he had stopped, stuttered or suddenly become afflicted with a small vocabulary,

“Magnet?”

The Doctor thought for a moment, “Magnet. Yes, that fits with the metaphor. Like a great, big magnet.” His mouth moved in an accentuated fashion.

Meiva hauled herself up using one of the railings nearby, nearly slipping when she grabbed a shirt strewn over the bars. “Why is it doing that?”

“I have no idea. Isn’t it brilliant?”

“You’re insane.”

The Doctor grinned and the floor shuddered. Then everything went quiet.

* * *

In another universe, Rose Tyler crawled through a narrow tunnel inside a network of caves. There was no light except the Torchwood issue flashlight strapped to her helmet and the dim flicker of her locator beacon. The caves smelt like an old library which something had chosen to curl up and die in. Dust and decay, it made her breathe as little as possible as she crawled further down hill.

“I can’t believe I’m the one doing this.” Rose muttered darkly to her audio transmitter as a small, clear spider fell onto the dirt in front of her and scurried around the ground. “Ew.”

The sound of static crackled in her ear, “It’s not so bad Rose.” If she hadn’t been a couple of hundred meters below, covered in muck and inhaling potentially toxic air, Captain Jack Harkness might have seen her frown. “I mean, think of it this way,” he continued, "it could have been me down there.”

“Yes, it could have been you. The man that cannot die. Tell me again, why did the mortal have to crawl into the dangerous cave?”

Jack cocked an eyebrow, “Because you suck at cards.”

“Because you cheat at cards.”

“Of course,” he corrected himself over the transmitter, “that’s what I meant to say, you suck at cards.”

The tunnel in front of Rose ended in a large cavern. The last part of which was narrower than the rest. She had to lie on her stomach and use the uneven walls to pull herself out into the main chamber. It was hard to tell the chamber’s size from the small amount of light she was wearing, so Rose pulled a neon stick from her pocket and broke it in half.

The ground in front of her illuminated with an orange glow. It made little difference. She couldn’t make out any walls or ceilings, only more darkness. At least she was standing up now, that was a bonus. ”Alright,” she said, “I’m in.”

“Good, about time. I was about to run out of donuts.”

“This is not a stakeout Jack, and you are not a cop. Therefore you don’t get donuts.” Rose removed a second torch from her belt.

“Oh,” said Jack smugly, eating another pink frosted donut, “but I do.” Captain Jack slipped his feet off the desk in front of him and pulled his chair closer to the computer screen. Everything Rose saw while she was down in that cave, he saw. Which hadn’t been much, with the exception of primitive earth life and the occasional shot of Rose’s –“

It had been about a week since they picked up a faint distress signal coming from ground below London. Something was down there, buried in the dirt and rock. And it wasn’t native to this planet.

Rose scanned the cavern with her torch. It was hopeless; the place was just too big. “This is useless, this is.” She said, walking forward into the cave. “Don’t you have any alien technology we could have used or doesn’t Torchwood bother with non-violent equipment?”

“Now, now Rose,” replied Jack, squinting at the screen which showed nothing but blackness and a bright glow where Rose’s torch came too close to the camera, “don’t berate the hand that feeds. Besides, if you continue taking cheap shots, I might not tell you what happens if you press the button on the back of the torch.”

“On the back of the –“ Rose turned the torch around to find a small button. She pressed it.

A strong beam of light poured out of the tiny torch and illuminated the cave. “Ah,” said Jack happily, able to see bits and pieces on his screen, “that’s much more interesting.”

“My life is but to serve.” Mocked Rose, walking forward. “Are you going to tell me about the position of this beacon or are you ignoring that part of the conversation that involves you doing actual work?”

“Oh, right, sorry.” Jack turned one of the other screens toward him. “It should be just in front of you.”

“There’s nothing ‘just in front of uh-“ Rose nearly fell into the hole in the floor in front of her. No wonder she hadn’t been able to see anything from the other side of the room. Whatever it was, must be down there. Rose pointed her torch into the hole. It wasn’t very deep and there were some roughish steps leading down into it. “This is like Journey to the Centre of the Earth.”

“Except not as cool.”

Rose followed the ‘steps’ into the hole. Soon, the ground plateaued and something eerily familiar stood in front of her. “It can’t be…”

* * *

“Earth, early twenty-first century, beginning of the golden era – well, almost the beginning of the golden era. Few little world ending hiccups and then, then,” he repeated energetically, “the human race is magnificent.” said the Doctor, beaming at the busy city of Cardiff from the doors of the TARDIS. “It’s a bit damp and grey but trust me, this little planet and its people will do great things.”

Meiva appeared next to him and looked out at the alien world. It looked primitive. The transportation was all ground based and the buildings lacked the daring architecture of her home world. The air smelt of the bi-products of early energy supplies and the population density was too high for her liking. What she found most interesting though, was the striking resemblance these beings had to herself and The Doctor. Three alien species, all in the same place and nobody even noticed.

“Oh they might not look like much,” he continued, “but give them time and evolution will prove that it’s better to be lucky than smart. I wonder why we’re here though… Oh well, best take a look. You coming?”

The Doctor stepped out of the door and waited for the Meiva to join him. “Won’t they notice that I’m not human?”

“Nope. Park a blue box in the middle of a busy footpath, or crash an alien spaceship into Big Ben and what do these little people do? Nothing. Absolutely nothing, they don’t even blink. Come on then, let’s go for a stroll.”

The Doctor and Meiva didn’t get very far though. The moment the stepped out onto the pavement, the paver they were standing on started to descend beneath the rest of the ground.

“That’s odd.” Said the Doctor, watching the world around him rise above. “Busy square, two people sinking into the ground and no-one’s stopped to look.”

“I thought you said Earth people didn’t notice anything?”

“Some things they notice, most things they don’t. Disappearing paver should raise some eyebrows. They’re a curious lot.” Meiva didn’t look very convinced as the crowd continued to waltz idly by and her shoulders cleared street level. “No really. They’ve a saying here, ‘curiosity killed the kitten’.”

“So, it’s not advisable to be curious on Earth?”

Their heads disappeared below ground and the pavement sealed above them. They were now descending into a large, underground room. “Only if you’re a kitten.”

The paver they had been standing on was still moving but Meiva couldn’t see anything now that the light from the street was gone. “What’s going on Doctor?”

Even if she couldn’t see it, she could feel the Doctor grin, “Going down…”

* * *

“What is it Rose?” said Jack, staring at the screen. Some kind of energy was interfering with his transmission. The screen in front of him showed nothing but static. “I don’t understand, do you know what it is? Can you see something Rose?”

She could feel it, not under her fingertips, but in her very soul. Her body had looked into it once, all the way into the heart of the TARDIS and now here it was, right in front of her, and she could feel it pulsing through her veins. “Impossible.” She whispered as she walked toward the blue box. It looked slightly damaged from what must have been a rough landing. Reaching out, she laid a hand on its beautifully Earthlike exterior - just to make sure it was real.

“Rose, what do you see?” Repeated Jack, trying to make sense of the static.

Rose ran her hand along the side, following its contour until she reached the front door. “It’s the TARDIS.”