Kobe Bryant Teaches Aziz Ansari A Thing Or Two About Success – Basketball players like him don’t grow on trees, and if they did? He’d sell him. Kobe trees! [Smoking Section]

Important: 10 Television Stars You’ll Probably Never See Naked – Dustin has apparently never seen the 1990 Christina Applegate classic Streets. You’ll see all of these people naked, just five or so years after it would’ve mattered to you. Except Jennifer Love Hewitt. You will never see her nude. [Warming Glow]

Meme Watch: 2/10, Would Not Bang Is Here To Help – Absolutely shocked that there isn’t already one of these for Kate Upton. Gonna get to work on that. [UPROXX]

6 Series from Image Comics You Should Be Buying (Aside From The Walking Dead) – Is The Savage Dragon on this list? Because if it isn’t, I’m not clicking. It’s probably just 6 comics with “Blood” and “Storm” in the name. [Gamma Squad]

Patton Oswalt Live-Tweets His Oscar Snub – Forget Patton Oswalt, the biggest Oscar snub of all was Sacha Baron Cohen in Hugo. Dude was the best part of Inspector Zenigata and every 80s Nickelodeon cartoon bad guy. [Film Drunk]

You Wanted More MMA Coverage, So Here’s Arianny Celeste In Zoo Magazine – In case you missed it during yesterday’s pro wrestling reports and Kate Upton nipple pics, Arianny Celeste took off her clothes and we shared the pictures. Hooray! [With Leather]

The 27 Best Movies To Not Be Nominated For Best Picture – Some of these are a travesty, but more importantly I want to know who the 6% of paid f**king movie critics are who gave a negative review to Duck Soup. Are you out of your f**king mind? [Buzzfeed]

26 Crazy/Brilliant Life Hacks – Not as good as yesterday’s 26 Crazy/Beautiful Hacks that ggot Kirsten Dunst into debug mode. [HuffPost Comedy]

5 Daughters of Famous People Who Have Been on ‘American Idol’ – Does Pierce Hawthorne’s step-daughter count? [The FW]

8 Epic Movie Moments and the Music that Made Them Great – This just reminds me how mad I was at Sunshine for suddenly forgetting it was a good movie and shoehorning in the villain from Event Horizon. Never gonna get over that. [Unreality]