I now have a 3.5 month old and a 2.5 year old, and somewhere, in the quiet hours of the night, I was pinned with my shiny pin of Veteran Parent. It means I have survived enough same-time meltdowns, spit up on shirt, hair pulling, public blowouts, charming coos, and gummy baby smiles to have a legit idea of what it means to go through 2 under 2. I pass on this knowledge to you, dear reader, who is either a terrified new parent or friend/relative of a terrified new parent, well-meaning in your quest to get the goods that make baby-rearing a bit easier. These products have been endorsed not once, but twice, by said Veteran Mommy. You may notice that a lot of this stuff is not necessarily “Cute” — but it is useful. Very useful. You or they will get lots of cute baby clothes, and it’s fun and fine to include something adorable, but also get them something useful. Something like this, or something almost as useful as a hot, fresh meal delivered to new parents. (If you don’t cook, order them takeout or pick up a pizza. It’s the very best thing you can bring new parents, other than coffee or diapers.)

All of these items are available on Amazon Prime, because #freeshipping, and if you’re a new parent who hasn’t slept in 48 hours, the thought of going into public is a big fat nope. Enjoy!

Rock n’ Play

We loved this for Holly because it’s easy to move from room to room and baby sleeps great in it thanks to the snug/cuddling sensation. For Hadley it was a must-have as she was diagnosed with reflux and needed to sleep upright. She slept in this the first 2.5 months of her life and now we have an extra in our bedroom for when we’re hanging out in there, in addition to the one in the living room. You can even splurge and get one that rocks automagically!

Swaddling saves your life the first few weeks ‘cuz babies want to feel like they’re snug in Mama’s womb. I like these ones because you might have a baby Houdini who tries to break free, and the velcro keeps them wrapped up like a bangin’ barbacoa burrito. Plus they come in cute patterns — buy the multi pack or at least two because trust that your little bundle of joy will spit up, pee, poop…and if you don’t, you’ll be frantically trying to wash the dirty one before bed time. http://amzn.to/2BtJgLN

Dapple Bottle Soap

This stuff rocks because normal dish soap doesn’t do as good of a job getting milk film off bottles, and breast milk can be oily due to its high fat content. It also is made of more natural ingredients, safer for babe’s gentle biome. http://amzn.to/2GsRyD6

Honest Baby Bottom Spray

There’s one day going to be a diaper that makes you gag, and a good chance it’s going to be a “13-wipe situation”, as my husband lovingly dubbed it. This stuff helps: http://amzn.to/2BpSwAN Look for it at Target – it seems to go out of stock a lot on Amazon.

Angel Baby Bottom Balm

I’m a huge fan of Earth Mama and this stuff has been awesome for two babies with sensitive skin and excemza. I even use it for my excemza. http://amzn.to/2BpSzwt If you’re nursing, you also should try the nipple butter. http://amzn.to/2ssyeDR

Medela Quick Clean Wipes

Cleaning pump parts is a pain in the ass. (Pumping in general is a pain in the ass. You’ll never feel more like a cow on a production line than when you have plastic tubes and flanges pulling at your anatomy.) This makes cleaning the parts less tedious and saves you time.

Babies are gross – good thing they are so adorable. These are my favorite burp cloths because they absorb well and are super soft. You’ll notice some well meaning people get you the cute flannel kind that don’t absorb for crap. Use these and be grateful that projectile spit rocket landed on this and not your sweater (I mean, not like it matters when you haven’t showered in three days… but you know!)

Hopefully you won’t need this – but if your kids grow scales on their head like my serpentine babies, you’ll want this. Warning; it is disgusting and weirdly satisfying to use. I’m not going to go into details. But it does help, a lot, along with my favorite “smells like an old lady perfume but in a weirdly good way” baby wash, Mustela.

You’ll want to buy this just because your baby looks like it’s wearing a sumo suit, but basically this is a puffy marshmallow suit that keeps your kiddo warm, snug, and unable to move like a spastic starfish. Once your kid begins rolling you can no longer swaddle, and you’ll want to keep your blessed four hour stretch — so enter the Merlin. We got the gender neutral yellow and are big fans.

*These links are affiliate links, and if you make a purchase, I receive a few pennies. I have two kids to send to college. Feel free to shop to your heart’s content 😉