What’s the Dumbest Thing You’ve Done?

One day the thought popped into my head—what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?—it was the follow-up question to a series of thoughts swirling around my head recently. Thoughts exceptionally negative.

One day the thought popped into my head—what’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done?—it was the follow-up question to a series of thoughts swirling around my head recently. Thoughts exceptionally negative.

Have you ever heard of intuition? The thing you can’t exactly express, but it’s a feeling that you just feel. I’ve felt my intuition in other relationships, but this particular relationship came with an unsettling discomfort. I’ve done some pretty dumb things but dating someone before getting to know one another tops the list. It is actually a really dangerous thing to do and I found myself in an uncomfortable relationship. I would never, ever do that again nor would I champion the idea to anyone.

A little backstory.

For my 25th birthday, I planned a solo trip to Los Angeles. A month before I went, I reached out to this guy I met nine months earlier to get some tourist suggestions since he lived in L.A. I’ll be honest, it could have been anyone who lived there but in the group of people I met him in he was the only person who lived in Cali.

I was in L.A. for three days and we actually hung out for the first two. It was unplanned but we hit it off and we seemed to click. I consider myself pretty gregarious so I’m quite sociable anyways. Next thing I know this dude is my boyfriend. It was like waking up on a train ride and not knowing how the hell you got on but you know it’s going faster than it should.

Before I found myself in this relationship, I told myself that I wanted to hold off dating until I fully comprehended what I wanted out of one. However, I found myself just going with the flow and not speaking up for myself but instead listening to someone else. In hindsight, I wish had been more firm with my decision to not date because I just wasn’t ready and in all seriousness didn’t want to be bothered.

The relationship lasted about two months and in that second month, the doubts and concerns I had were so magnified something just didn’t feel right. This guy and I were learning each other after we stepped into relationship territory and it just wasn’t smart. We don’t share the same friends, we hadn’t kept in touch the nine months in between our first encounter, so, to plainly put we were strangers dating. As time went on, I got to learn more about him and see his personality. Ultimately, I had to admit to myself this guy and I weren’t compatible and what I brought back from L.A. was something I should have left there.

As I was having these concerns, I was privately trying to process them. I’m trying to figure out how I found myself in this situation. I met a guy, thought he was really cool when we met, started dating this guy, discovered personality wise he actually isn’t my type, and now I felt trapped. It was something I couldn’t even bring up to my closest friends because I was slightly embarrassed by my questionable decision. Normally, I am pretty level-headed and deliberate in my decision making and this was just a poor reflection of my better judgment and I felt ashamed.

I found myself in a relationship with someone who was quite aggressive and controlling and I blamed myself for letting it happen. A part of me felt I deserved to be in the situation.

The month I broke it off with this person, I got a big wake-up message. One day I was asked by someone older and very spiritual if I knew how to discern spirits. I hesitantly said yes and she asked again if I truly knew how to tell a good spirit apart from the bad. The only person who instantly came to mind was my boyfriend at the time. He was the first person and (honestly) the only person that I felt kinda fit the description. A part of me knew why, so, I asked her to pray with me.

From that point, I knew I ventured far off my path of covenants with God. I was reneging on promises I made to myself before Him years before I graduated college. Promises I made before I met my last boyfriend, the boyfriend before him, and the (future) next boyfriend. I had to defend myself to someone who only knew me for two months. I had to face the situation I was in and own up to the reality of it and even letting it go as far as it did. Still to this day, going on seven months later, I’ve had to continuously explain my perspective to someone who’s never going to understand it because they simply refuse. He is the only person I undoubtedly regret dating.

After I got the idea to write this post on my blog, I started thinking and worrying maybe this isn’t a good idea to talk about this publicly being that I am a private person. The whole point of this post is to discuss not letting anyone have that power to worry you about your own life. So if you’re reading this, it’s posted, and even if this helps one individual who may be in a smilier situation or left a similar situation just know it probably is the dumbest thing you’ve done so far.

(Shoutout to nappy.co for giving us “beautiful, high-res photos of black and brown people. for free.” )