So, I've had a really crappy couple of months (I started a thread about don't fitting in at school a while ago) and even if I've gotten permission to finish school from home, my ADHD is making things hard and I've basically spiraled down into isolating myself and as a result of that and how my life has been the past couple of years and how stressful the last months have been, depression. Tonight I had the first real panic attack in almost a year and it was horrible. I honestly thought I was going mad.

In addition to that my relationship with the boy has declined (he suffers from similar problems), and everything just sucks. I don't know, I think I just want some understanding and some nice words right now. I know it's okay to feel crappy and that loads of people are having a worse time than me but it's okay to feel like the most miserable thing in the world sometimes, right?

_________________I would eat Dr. Cow pocket cheese in a second. I would eat it if you hid it under your hat, or in your backpack, but not if it was in your shoe. That's where I draw the line. -allularpunk

Big hugs, Helix. Do you have a good support system in place? Supportive doctors and therapists? Yes, it's okay to not be okay sometimes. Just know it is temporary. Also, eat chocolate. Chocolate always helps. Unless you're allergic. Then please don't.

Yes, I'm about to get practical help for my ADHD and I hope to get some therapy as well. I have tried medication and it was not a good solution as I'm so sensitive to the side effects.

I'm just so bummed, one of my big passions is dancing and I aim for a career in contemporary dance but recently I've had these big anxiety attacks before class. When I get to the barre and the music starts nothing of that matter but getting to that place takes a huge amount of energy. It's not fun.

I have tried medication and it was not a good solution as I'm so sensitive to the side effects.

There are a lot of different medications out there for depression and anxiety. I would suggest that if one didn't work for you, try a different one. You might have to try several different ones before you get the right one. Also, maybe a lower dose would alleviate your symptoms without the side effects. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not trying to prescribe the right med or dose for you, I'm just giving examples of how a doctor can hopefully work with you to find the best solution for your problems. I know it's hard when you are feeling so awful to think these things through, but I think it would be worth explaining to your doctor what side effects you are having and asking what else you can try rather than just assuming there is no way any meds can work for you.

And yes, it is ok to not feel ok. Even if you know there are other people dealing with what appears to be a worse situation, that doesn't mean that you aren't in pain and struggling. I'm so glad to hear that you are looking into therapy and ADHD help and hope these things start working for you soon. Hugs Helix

You are all so kind, it feels really good to just blurt it all out somewhere.

Update: I'm so darn tired, all the time. I have no motivation or energy so our house looks like a mess at the moment, as none of us does the dishes or the laundry. We're in some kind om vakuum.

But hey, if you're vegan the dishes doesn't stink ;)

And I also did a super scary thing. I have no idea what got into me. I signed up for a dance competition where I'm going to do a solo. I'm jumping in my pants out of nervosity and it's about a month from now. Heh.

EDIT: I am considering medication, the bf found something that might work. Going to ask my doctor about it. I'm just scared of getting my hopes up and then a nasty side effect pops up.

Medications can be kind of a drag. I'm on a few for bipolar disorder, and they keep me from killing myself which is nice, but I have to sleep for ten hours a day and I have zilch sex drive. Still, beats the alternative, and to echo Rhizo's comment, working with your doctor to find the right meds is so important. Also giving your meds 4-6 weeks is important because many side effects do taper off. Good luck with the dishes, the laundry, and the dancing, and keep us posted on how you're doing, Helix!

The last week has been better than the rest of the season, mostly because of me accepting the fact that I'm a bit broken. I will probably try medication this week or next week.

One (pretty awful) thought that has begun to grow is how my bf's presence is affecting me and much I feel for him. It feels really bad. I try to remember that depression can make you emotionless but I'm scared of where this is heading.

Medications really changed my life for the better, but know that they aren't right for everyone. And I must stress that I think the success came from weekly therapy and having someone to talk with. I'm not sure if I would have had as much success had I not been in therapy.

ADHD plus depression is really tough. I am in the same boat. They wouldn't address the possible ADHD diagnosis until they got my depression taken care of, because being ADHD can cause you to be depressed because of the trouble it causes at work, in your productivity, in relationships, etc.

It's so hard to get started taking care of yourself when you have absolutely no energy, but just try a little bit. And I know you are probably frustrated with yourself because you have no energy, things need to get done, etc. That lack of energy is one of the most annoying parts of my depression right now. My therapist told me that I'm like a runner with an injury. I will get back to my "old self," but it takes a lot of rest and stretching and small steps to get there. I'm impatient, but I'm trying. That's all we can do and it sounds like you are trying, so hug yourself for that!

I'm planning on starting a new madication today, I hope it goes well and that it helps.

I had a major meltdown yesterday due to the feeling of being completely exhausted and not being able to do all my homework or be creative. I'm in my last year and I really, really don't want to fail.

A thing that has bothered me for the last couple of weeks is that I've been having these dreams about my exes. There are two in particular and tonight's dream felt so real. My emotional life is wreaking havoc and I don't know what to think about my feelings. I feel like I'm losing the feelings I have for my boyfriend of two years and starting to feel things for the exes all over again. It really hurts. I'm so confused.

(((Hugs))) I'm up bc I had a supershitty dream and literally woke up from how outraged I was. And my dream was about being misquoted on the PPK :)

You sound really tired and like you're overthinking here. Dreams are just your brain processing stuff and not reality. Who knows, perhaps your brain is just clearing out old storage files about your exes to make room for new ones about your current partner.

If you can, take everything a minute at a time and slow down. Don't expect too much from the meds- they can take a while to adjust and work - it can add another level of frustration that you don't need. Try and take everything down a notch, and create space and stillness to nurture yourself

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.