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4/18/12

Ride Home 4/18: Tender is the Knight should be a book about Galahad

Let's start at the grocery store first, which is near home. There was an old bike locked up outside and it was locked with a cable lock around the handlebars and I'm pretty sure that it was a "bait bike," in that it might have attracted bass or sturgeon or very lazy bike thieves. It somehow remained "locked" there throughout my time in the store. In the store, there's a separate section and check out for liquor purchases and I really like the woman who works in the afternoon. Today, she grooved along with the radio and the slow jams it emitted. But you can't check out produce from the liquor section (this sounds like the line from a real bad Chris Rock comedy special), so you have to buy your beer in a separate transaction if you also wish to purchase Roma tomatoes. That's not normally a bother, or at least a big one, but the self-checkout line was moving slowly on account of those drawn to it who could have really benefitted from an expert checking out their groceries. It would have been more expeditious. They don't give out awards for expedient self-checkout, but if they did, I might have a really sad trophy, topped with a plastic man waving his box of Cheerios over the barcode scanner. Beep. When I got out of the store, there was another bicyclist there and he was eating a Twix. Two teens prattled, but one seemed less interested in prattling than patting, as they were young and in love or whatever. I rode home and I passed the new pretzel bakery, which is yet unopen. Soon, my neighborhood will have crepes and pretzels and a number of self-loathing celiac disease sufferers. Pretzels are the new cupcake. I don't know what becomes the new pretzel. Perhaps artisanal, small batch chewing gum.
Before I got to the store, I passed this sign an took a picture.

I know, right?

I actually went back to take a better picture because it's just that important for you to know what it says.

I KNOW, RIGHT?

Excuse the following all-caps diatribe: SINCE WHEN DO YOU GET A KITTEN BY TAPING A SIGN TO A POLE? AREN'T THERE TONS OF KITTENS AVAILABLE FOR ADOPTION LIKE EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW THIS? I'm highly suspicious of this. I'm not sure they want a kitten at all. I think that this "mature couple" just wants people to call them on the phone and then maybe they'll try to sell you a time share or something. I suspect duplicity!
Before this, I saw a picture of a white evergreen, perhaps painted in the street to symbolize DC's abiding love of flocked trees.

"That's not a white evergreen!"- some outraged guy

It's just an arrow.

I only mention it because this report* (executive summary means that it's written at a third grade level so any executive would be able to read it) mentions that DC bicyclists don't stop at stop lines and instead ride into the crosswalk and pedestrian refuge. And indeed, that's true and if you ride the Penn Ave cycletrack enough, you'll learn not to do it or maybe you'll know not to do it and still choose to be an inconsiderate jerk. But, I think the point I'm trying to make is that maybe some people think that the GIANT ARROW might indicate that they should keep riding forward. I don't know.
*link might not work. It's not working for me right now. Maybe the hosting server got lifted from the DC Auditor.
Before I saw that, I saw this bus ad.

iRony not intended

It says don't talk on the phone and drive because it reduces your brain capacity or something like that. And with reduced brain capacity, you get worse at driving. I'm paraphrasing, which is the kind of phrasing you do when you've got a big sail and you're towed by a speedboat, I think. Seeing drivers using their phones when driving really bothers me, mostly because they're probably calling about their extra kitten they want to give away and THAT'S JUST NOT HOW YOU DO THINGS. Also, the whole "margin of error" thing, whereby their not paying attention might cause me grievous injury or bodily harm.
And before I saw that other stuff, I didn't take any pictures of anything else, so thematically, I feel like it might behoove me to end the post here. You know, for unicity and such. And because Dance Moms: Miami (This is real. A Dance Moms spin-off. I am not joking) just ended and I should pretty much just wrap it up and move on to other things.