Hello, and welcome to the end of this long, slow slog that is this fic. I don’t think I’ll do a recap of the last two chapters because honestly it has just been more of the same ol’, same ol’. Even the characters seem like they are getting tired of this nonsense.

The second last chapter of the story. I hope all of you have been enjoying it so far. Please review.

I assume the author meant “second to last” and isn’t under the impression that you can have more than one “last” chapter.

Sweet mercy, I really hope they don’t think that.

Chapter seven: Page 7

3:00 am:

As a reminder, it was exactly six-thirty when the Nameless Narrator abandoned their car and started on this little adventure, which was eight and a half hours ago. The Nameless Narrator has been constantly moving the entire time, the closest thing to rest that they have gotten is when they became wedged in those rocks, so they must have the stamina of the gods to still be able to even function at this point.

“Paaaaaagggge where are yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy yooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?”

…I guess the Nameless Narrator has decided to give up any pretense of stealth since it has become clear that Slendy has no interest in capturing them.

It’s three Am, and I have been searching for the seventh page approximately…honestly, I’ve stopped keeping track of the time.

I haven’t! It’s been super-easy to keep track of the time, BECAUSE YOU TIME-STAMP EVERY FRICKIN’ SCENE!

Slendy appeared a few minutes ago.

Let me guess; he just stared at you for a minute and then vanished without doing anything.

Now between the rusted tankers, he wasn’t there; I assume that he is behind me, and will stay behind me until I discover the last page.

And, following the Badfic Code, your first and only assumption is going to be the correct one.

I searched high and low, from left to right, but I hadn’t seen any foreign objects.

Your fingers must be getting tired from all that clicking … I mean, your eyes must be tired from all that visual searching you’re doing in what is totally not a video game!

I was wandering amongst the perimeter of the multiple tankers which was probably a mistake.

In our last little trip down the rabbit hole the Nameless Narrator wandered around (again) and found a piece of paper (again) flicked their flashlight off and on repeatedly (again) and was half-heartedly stalked by Slendy (again). The only really interesting bit was the reveal that the Nameless Narrator might have cybernetic eyes, since they can zoom in on objects. I choose to believe that this is also the reason they keep seeing static whenever Slendy is near, even though that’s more of an analog thing rather than a digital thing, because otherwise I’m gonna stab someone.

To the fic!

AN: here’s chapter 5. please read, review and enjoy.

There are two red flags that indicate that a fic author is losing enthusiasm for their fic; that the chapters start getting noticeably shorter, and if they had been adding long chatty Author’s Notes to the chapters that those ANs get significantly shorter as well. This can also lead to the length of time between chapters increasing – complete with apologetic “sorry it’s late” ANs – sometimes to the point that the fic is completely abandoned, but to their credit this author does actually stick with it until the eighth page is collected. There’s even a set-up for the sequel fic.

Chapter five: page 5

11:30 pm:

:headdesk:

Again with the time stamps.

I’ve moved past anger at this point, I just want to know why it’s taking the Nameless Narrator so frickin’ long to get this done. The author has been sticking to the game pretty closely so the playable area shouldn’t be that big, and (as the Nameless Narrator has already discovered) the pages are typically on or near very visible landmarks. Hell, they probably could have figured out how to hot-wire the truck from a few chapters back in a fraction of the time this scavenger hunt has taken and just driven through the gates.

The bathroom was extremely dark, and running around with the flashlight turned off would be bad news.

The stupid flashlight has been turned off and on so many times I honestly can’t keep track whether or not it’s supposed to be on or off right now.

I noticed that the flashlight was starting to dim.

Probably because you’ve been flicking it on and off so much, or because you’ve been wandering around in a dark forest for half the night.

Continuing on my journey through the multiple bathrooms, I became extremely nervous when turning corners.

That’s the first sensible thing you’ve narrated, since Slendy does have a habit of popping up as you turn a corner.

As I slowly peeked around the corners, I waited for a petite amount of static,

You’re waiting for a what kind of static?

The author is listed as Canadian in their profile, but this is the first time that there’s been any French in the fic so I had just assumed they were from one of the English-speaking portions of America’s Hat.

so that I had a rough idea where Slender was without having a surprise heart attack.

Hello, hello! Welcome back to another edition of Coffin Rock: Untold. Last time, an OC named Aaron told Kate, Humphrey and Garth not to go to Idaho and to instead go to Maryland. That’s it. That’s the plot of chapter one.

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another chapter of this plodding Slender Man fic. I’ve gone over the notes from the previous chapter when I was unavoidably detained, and…

“Detained?” :snorts: “You fell asleep!”

:clears throat: Yes, well; in my defense this is a really boring fic in which nothing ever happens, not even when Slendy does bother showing up.

“Tell me about it. At least you didn’t have to sit through that weird-ass tunnel/roll cake scene.”

Anyway; in case you can’t tell, Syl is riding shotgun with me on this chapter. Something about having to put in a minimum number of hours in order to qualify for a replacement phone, or something. When Lina starts using legalese I kind of space out.

“Hmph. I wouldn’t be in this mess if you hadn’t eaten my phone.” :sighs: “The things I do for an unlimited data plan.”

I didn’t eat it, I just bit it a little; I never swallowed.

“That’s what they all say, love.”

:coughs: Do you think you could get your mind out of the gutter long enough to give the synopsis of the last chapter?

“What’s to tell? Some genderless drone in a sweater that may or may not have pockets found a piece of paper on a tanker and then wandered around a tunnel that might have actually been a roll cake before running off again.”

:The Riffing Chamber is quiet and dark; nothing moves within its Stygian depths. Suddenly, the heavy reinforced door is flung open as if it is made of cardboard. An imposing figure strides into the room, poking at a cell phone with one finger:

Syl: GHOSTIE! Someone changed the WiFi password and I have an auction on eBay ending in one minute. Damn snipers aren’t getting the better of me again; that vintage Burdizzo clamp is mine. :looks around: Ghostie? Why the hell is it so dark in here?

:Syl stumbles over to the light switch and flicks them on, ducking to avoid the flying saw blades. The increased illumination reveals Ghostie, sleeping with her head pillowed on the console.:

Syl: The hell? Ghostie, wake up! :pokes Ghostie with her phone: Wakey-wakey, Ghostie-girl. I know this fic is really boring, but you’ve got work to do.

:CHOMP!:

:Syl jumps back, still holding her phone – which now has a bite taken out of one corner.:

Syl: … Or you can just lay there and someone else can fill in for you. Someone responsible :looks around: And rational…:looks around again: Someone who isn’t me. There should be one of those pajama guys around here somewhere … :looks up in the rafters, but realizes the chamber is empty save Ghostie and herself: Goddammit all!

Syl: Well, if I’m doing this I’m going to need these :slides notebook out from under Ghostie’s head: but I’m not using Little Miss Bitey’s console. There should be a button … Ah! :unsheathes a blade and uses it to reach over Ghostie and press one of the console buttons: That should do the trick.

:Koori appears in a swirl of leaves:

Koori: You rang, ma’am? :sees Syl: You’re not Miss Ghostie. Where is … :sees Ghostie slumped over the console and Syl standing over her with a drawn blade: Miss Ghostie!

Hello, dear Patrons, and welcome to another slog through the woods with our Nameless Narrator who will (hopefully) meet up with The Slender Man soon. In the last chapter the Nameless Narrator just wandered around for hours, flicking their flashlight on and off, until they stumbled over one of the pages. This triggered a sick dance beat, or possibly a rain of freshwater fish.

To the next chapter!

AN: So I’m releasing this chapter on Halloween. spooky huh?

Given that time didn’t stop when you posted this and it’s now late June/early July, I’d have to say; no, no it’s not very spooky.

At school today I saw slendy about four times, but was only able to capture 2 pictures of him.

Two seems like a lot; I thought Slendy was supposed to be elusive, like Bigfoot?

I also caught an ash ketchum and a waldo.

Ohhh, they’re talking about Halloween costumes! I wasn’t even questioning the presence of a creepypasta character in their school; I have a pet tyrannosaur who likes baking and cosplay and hang out with a dangerously unstable psychopath and Ishi-sensei on a regular basis, so who am I to judge their life? I will say playing the live version of “Where’s Waldo?” at cons is always fun – there is always at least one Waldo around.

I have another class at 5:30 today, so hopefully i will see him again.

And will this ever be relevant to anything in this fic? Anything at all?

Well please read , review, enjoy and even favorite, follow or other crap that fanfiction has. well…stay awesome and alert this halloween.

Last week…last year, I reviewed a terrifyingly boring creepypasta about Dragon Tales. It seemed to do fine on the Library, so this got me to thinking…is there another bad creepypasta based off a children’s show that made a few adults want to gouge their eyes out?

Lucky for all of us, there is. And it is based on…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* Alpha and Omega. And it’s a creepypasta about…*pause for effect, even though you’ve all already read the title card* The Blair Witch Project. Why? Who knows. Is it scary? Who knows. Is this author on crack? Who knows.

Before I get to this fic, I figured I might as well explain the premises of each movie.

The Blair Witch Project follows three aspiring filmmakers who find out there’s a thing called the Blair Witch in a forest near a town that used to be called Blair, now known as Burkittsville. They figure it’s a good idea to go into these woods and make a documentary on this terrifying being that they know for a fact exists and have tortured people before, because that’s a thing people do. It is one of my very favorite movies, and it has been referred to by at least one person as one of the worst films of 1999. So. There’s that.