Damned Young People and their Summer Vacations Make Me Furious

Summer will soon be upon us and that means that once again gaggles of young people will be paroled from the education system and flood out into the streets to engage in eight weeks of mindless vandalism, unbridled hooliganism and senior-endangering acts of random skateboarding.

For the life of me, I have no idea what these young people have done to earn the right to two months of unadulterated indolence. It’s not like they’ve been dodging artillery shells on the front lines in Dunkirk for Christ’s sake. Far from it. As far as I can see their school days consist of little more than sitting on their asses, forming cliques, questioning authority and slowly eroding the principles of evolution – hardly the stuff you require an extended vacation to recover from.

When I was a lad we got the summer off school but it was no damned “vacation.” We were put to work before our dunce caps hit the floor or the lead in our pencils had cooled. I spent my first day of summer vacation getting a suntan while I tarred the roof – and that was just as a reward for not being held back a grade. After that, it was off to the trenches and 14-hours a day of pig bollocking, jute winding and rat catching.

But these days? Young people won’t consider work. They need the summer to “decompress” and have some “down time” to recharge their batteries, top up their bong water and complain that they’re bored and have nothing to do. It’s a dangerous proposition, damn it, and bad for America. You don’t see the commie kids taking the summer months off to snooze, booze and get tattoos. They’re all busy doing mandatory military service, working on beet farms and learning how to disassemble field rifles.

If young people have no intention of working, I see no reason to close schools at all. After all, if you’re an illiterate stump come the end of the June, 8-weeks of ice-lollies, doodlejumping and waterparks isn’t likely to add to your chances of becoming a contributing member of society. And while we’re at it, let’s scrap this 9 a.m. – 3 p.m. nonsense and force youngsters into a full day of education. Have them report in at 5 a.m. and then work until dusk with only one 20-minute break at midday to wipe the coal dust from their eyes, slug back a cup of joe and take a quick draw on an unfiltered cigarette.

It’s no damned wonder that America is dangling on the precipice of complete collapse – kids today are being raised to believe that a work ethic consists of 10 months of bland indifference followed by 2 months of reckless irresponsibility. Well I say enough! The time has come to end this summer vacation nonsense once and for all and lock our young people up in schools until they smarten up or grow up – whichever comes first.

Interesting that you suggest individuals currently in the profession are “reasonable people.” I have a great deal of respect for teachers but I have to question the reasoning of anyone who makes a voluntary choice to be in the extended company of damned young people.

I’m a teacher, and I sometimes question my own level of reason. However, there is no question that I’d quit if I didn’t get summers off (or an enormous pay increase)… so you’d lose those of us who’re semi-reasonable and only the completely insane would be the ones teaching the hoodlums.

Well tips would be a nice thing but really Don the little bastards can’t read anymore unless it’s in texting code or l33t speak , and even then they only “think” the ,most superficial things. I say send the lot of them out tree planting for no pay. Those that survive, the skeeters, black flies, cougars and grizzly bears, will be all the better prepared for life and will do our forests a lot of good in the interim. The forest companies will need those trees in 40 years or so.

“You don’t see the commie kids taking the summer months off to snooze, booze and get tattoos. They’re all busy doing mandatory military service, working on beet farms and learning how to disassemble field rifles.”

I disagree here with you Mister Mills. Ten years in China has supplied me with the ability to disagree. Students in China, do get most of July, and part of August off from school. However; they are given a vast amount of homework that IS completed before the start of school. Most students do spend quite a bit of time playing on computers, football (soccer)… but they do take it easy for a short period of time.

Part of the whole concept of “West is best” that America sells to the East.

In August for two to three weeks before school starts back up, from junior middle school to college/university, the first years must attend “military school” through the school system where soldiers come to the schools and teach these first years drill, some weaponry and some other basic boot camp things.

Summer vacation for students in China has changed from what you described to what I just described in less than ten years.

But of course, other than this one part? I agree with you. And I know many people in China if they read this? Would agree with what you are saying regarding lazy, illiterate de-evolving children. My parents loved the fact that when my sisters and I were kids that we had so much free time. We had to tend to the farm and our chores and homework before we even thought to ask to do anything else. My sneaky parents. We were too tired to do anything after everything was done. And if we ever said we were bored? My mother cuffed us then we got to wash windows, floors, wax wood work… boredom was not something allowed in our house.

Always valuable to get the inside track on the current state of affairs in China. Interesting to learn how things are changing. It some ways it’s likely fortunate that other countries are following our poor lead – if only to ensure that we aren’t overthrown during the short amount of time I have left on this planet.

Hopefully there are still some parents remaining cut from the same cloth as yours. I suspect, however, that most are spending their summers pandering to the non-stop requests from their offspring to be “entertained” or simply plugging them into an electronic device and leaving them under the watchful eye of the internet nanny.

I am torn.
As a soon-to-be member of the retired professional classes, and a fully paid up member of the grumpy old bugger brigade, I happily endorse your suggestion regarding reducing the ridiculously extended summer vacation of our youngsters.
However,
as a currently employed teacher, I am absolutely horrified by the suggestion, UNLESS we can arrange for the youngsters to be suitable employed AWAY from the schools, like (as I believeyou imply) down a coal mine, or acting as unpaid gardeners for all the retired folks or evn as fast-running mobile targets for our military.
I am torn.

I can appreciate your apprehension – I can’t imagine there is a more disturbing notion for an educator than never receiving a break from the non-stop parade of malcontents roaming through the school hallways. My preference, naturally, would be to continue to parole them for the summer months but to insist that they use the time in a productive manner. Coal mining, wheel tapping, pig jobbing…whatever may be required by the community at large.

I like your suggestion about having them act as unpaid help for us seniors. Not only might we be able to pass on some valuable moral lessons, but I could certainly use the help of a minion with a weak mind and a strong back. There are weeds to be pulled and, I have to admit, I can’t tar a roof like I used to.

I got a little misty when I read the phrase ‘pig bollocking’ because it reminded me of my summers. Bet of all your readers, I’m one of a relatively few who’ve actually done that. A lot of times real work involves a little blood. Sometimes it’s your, sometimes it’s not.

Sorry if my plan drove you over the edge there but clearly you’re due for a rest. Sounds as though you’ve been worn down to one frayed nerve. No need to apologize – I understand that working with sprogs can do that to a person. Still, I have to say I’m a little disappointed that an educator is promoting the ‘I quit” card at the first sign of adversity. Hopefully that’s not a lesson you’re bringing to the classroom.

Sadly I won’t be lining up to teach them in your absence. My methods of instruction would likely be at odds with the current educational philosophy of coddling, cowering and pandering.

Have a nice day as well, Fedup. I hope you’re able to rest a little over the summer. It appears you need it.

A good dose of pig bollocking is just what the youth of today need. And frankly, the threat of being on the wrong end of the bollocking should be more than enough incentive top straighten up, fly right, and get all the strange colors out of their hair.

Better than have them go to school from dusk to dawn, have them go to school from 5AM to noon and from noon to 5 go clean up the streets, take food to the elderly , bolluck the pigs, and all that crap. Somehow they may learn a trade.

An interesting notion. I’d certainly be in agreement with freeing them up for a few hours in the middle of the day if they were learning practical bollocking skills or picking up Big Mac containers from the side of the road (which may not teach them a trade but could possibly teach them to stop tossing their trash all over the damned place and just assuming that someone else is going to come along and pick it up).

Perhaps the time has come for a letter to the Department of Education. Still, in the interim, I say they should keep the school doors open until every single one can parse a sentence, do long division and tie a half-way decent monkey’s fist.

One of my sons hated his landscaping job so much last summer, that he arranged to go to a program at a local college for a month in “international entrepreneurship” to get out of a real job. I admired his sneakiness. I’m thinking he takes after me in this. My other son was dipped in toxic waste and I made him quit the job. After reading your post, I’m having second thoughts. What’s a little toxic waste between friends?

You’ll need to keep a closer eye on that sneaky son. “International Entrepreneurship” sounds suspicious to me. Is there really such a big difference between domestic entrepreneurship and overseas entrepreneurship that it requires its own damned course? Beyond a French accent, I’d suggest not.

The other boy sounds like he’s turning out fine. A lad should be willing to do whatever it takes to hold down a job and while agreeing to take a dip in toxic waste may not be the safest move in the world, it does demonstrate character, grit and a certain amount of reckless spunk.

All the best, Robin. Good luck over the summer and pass my best on to the boys.

Ah, Mr. Mills!
That’s what I’m talking about!
You see, there is a lot of chin wwaggin’ all over the political world. But an actual plan for betterment of our country?
There we are!
Start with shaping the useless youth into the good old fashioned citizen of the US of A, and some halfway decent folk will emerge.

I appreciate the sentiment but my political aspirations don’t extend beyond my recent appointment as Undersecretary of Angry Letter Writing at my Seniors Center. I take the job seriously and have already been tasked with preparing nasty missives to the folks at General Mills, General Motors and General Electric (we’re on the Gs at the moment).

Correct, as always. I have four little minions home for summer break and I am going to have the best groomed lawn on the street! Four half-assed child-gardeners almost makes one competent adult gardener. If I do this summer right, they’ll be begging for school to start again!

I believe it takes exactly 6.34 half-assed child gardeners to make one competent adult gardener. I think, however, that the ratio changes slightly if teenagers are involved and can go as high as 11.54 half-assed teen weeders to 1 adult gardener.

Regardless, it sounds like you have as if you have a fine plan in mind. Good luck and if they finish early please feel free to send them my way. I have enough weeds to keep them busy through to Veterans Day.

Friar: Doodle Jump is an iPhone game, and it surprises me that Mr. Mills is familiar with it (does he doodle jump on the sly?)

Dear Mr. Mills,
As always I am totally in agreement with you about the ills of summer vacations. We were not put on this earth for doodle-jumping…the least those young people can do is, sit in their classrooms an doodle…if they have to doodle something at all. I believe that the only people who should be found indulging in indolence are those who have crossed the respectable age barrier of eighty – they’ve earned it.

Thanks a lot for this fantastic post. I hope the education system wakes up and follows your advice (at least on increasing the school hours.)

I appreciate the clarification on doodle-jump. I was familiar with the phrase only because my neighbor tells me that her children spend all day doodle-jumping but never had the nerve to press for details.

I fully agree with your views on indolence – it is something that should be earned, a small reward for a life of hard work. Having it be your starting point is just a recipe for disaster.

Ah, Mr. Mills. I’ll have to disagree with you on the starting point. I think some of the master doodlers have been the product of the classes conducted by some unbearably boring teachers. These doodlers rise in life to become engineers (my father), doctors, and even artists (such as yours truly). The whole point of doodling in the class, is that even while these doodlers may appear not to be learning, they learn better than the rest of the class, because they are the only ones awake 🙂

I was kind of hoping “doodle-jumping” was a dance from the Roaring 20’s. It sounds like it could be. I was hoping for something to get those fat little brats off their lazy asses and perhaps develop an appreciation for things from the past at the same time.

But no, it’s yet another stupid game for their iBoxes because apparently they just don’t spend enough time (& money) on them.

Oh Don,
I almost forgot to mention, down here in NZ, the tradition of de-bolocking lambs with your own teeth is still alive. As is grilling the ripped out bollocks AND the cut off lamb tails on a healthy open wood-fuelled fire and eating the resultant “meat”. Really builds character.

Send the little buggers to summer military camp! Push-ups, being yelled at, and arranging rocks by size will curve their appetite for Lady Gaga. It will also prepare them for what their liberal arts college degree will get them these days: Menial labor.

A military summer camp is certainly something I’d support. And not only will it teach them menial labor, it will teach them to get used to menial labor while wearing a uniform. Toss in a damned hairnet and you could call it a career training not a military camp.

The problem with young people is parents. Kids will wear you down like acid-rain on sandstone if you let them. We parents need to remember that body part that keeps us upright – the spine.

If mommy or daddy buy a new ipad and “Grand Theft Auto” game whenever Johnny wants one, what incentive does he have to spend the summer detassling corn, or worming sheep, or something else hot, messy, productive and character-building?

Thanks once again for speaking my mind in a way that I could only hope to… Your mastery of the English language is a tribute to your preWWll primary school education and a system not collapsing under the demands of all the current touchy feely “values” programming I am old enough to barely remember hearing lessons on right and wrong or honesty or respecting my parents in elementary school based on a passage from the best selling book of all time— the Bible and not from “Susie has Two Mommies” … I did not grow up on a farm but we still had chores to do (without financial remuneration) and were left to our own active devices to entertain ourselves. Three channels just didn’t cut the mustard and there was no decent kid programming until the Three Stooges or Dark Shadows came on the 13 inch B&W Philco at 4pm. We always had dinner at the kitchen table as a complete family unit although there was little conversation. We said a prayer before meals but I think I was nearly 10 before I learned the words and not just mumble through the cadence. “Supper” was followed by an evening of activity involving bicycle hide & seek (expands a kid’s world to at least a half mile radius), baseball, squashing pennies on the railroad tracks, prepare the next days supply of “washer bombs” made from bang caps, or maybe swimming at the community pool. You could tell it was Sunday by the sound of the church bells on Main street and the Blue Laws which stifled ones ability to buy candy or a comic book at the 5&10. These summers remained intact until someone in the neighborhood reached the age of eligibility to have a paper route which but about 6 dollars of real money in someone’s pocket. Then that route would pass along to each of us as we came of age…followed by an actual job by age 14 or so. The word “bored” wasn’t in my venacular until 9th grade English class…. I vote for year around school and not just for the spazs who decide to focus for the 8 weeks of summer followed by 10 months of distraction to an entire class with synchronized farting sessions or hairdo creations that defy gravity ,employ 1000’s in the hair product industry, and may cause severe lacerations if you come into direct contact…

Summer vacation also means the young, prodded by parents sick of looking at them sitting on the couch semi-comatose and eating every thing that doesn’t move, half assed enter the work force where they shirk their responsibilities, dodge any task deemed beneath them and only show up on time to pick up their unearned paycheck. They spend their time showing off their longboards rather than wounds recieved for operating dangerous machinery. In my day, loosing the tip of a finger to a meat slicer was a badge of honour, today it’s a civil action get rich quick scheme.

Not only was losing a pinky a badge of honor – a daily counting our of remaining fingers was also the way we kept our math skills sharp during the summer. We turned them into math problems, Something like…”If I had 10 fingers last Monday and lost one in the thresher Tuesday, and one in the combine Thursday, and I continue to lose fingers at this rate – how many days will it be before I am unable to hoist a fork without assistance from my sister Erin?”

There is a community pool just down the street from me. The shrieking starts mid-June and runs until late August. Fortunately, I get a brief reprieve whenever some overly excited sprog vomits into the shallow end (it’s a more regular occurrence than I would have thought).

Whenever I amble by, though, I’m always reminded of one of those old cannibal movies where people are jammed shoulder to shoulder into a steaming vat. Actually, I don’t know why they even call it a swimming pool…a standing pool would be a more accurate name. They must shoe horn them in. Can’t imagine anything more loathsome.

That’s exactly why we need to find jobs for them. If mandatory military service won’t light a fire under them then they can all do two years of community service shifting rocks and tarring roofs for old people. I’ll gladly volunteer to act as a “boss” and keep an eye on a few.

As far as I can see their school days consist of little more than sitting on their asses, forming cliques, questioning authority and slowly eroding the principles of evolution – hardly the stuff you require an extended vacation to recover from. – Mr Mills

If only they actually did question authority. But that would require thinking and critical analysis, abilities nearly all of them are lacking. It would require contemplating what the correct role for authority is in a properly functioning society and what behaviours are acceptable or unacceptable from its citizens. It would also require some notion of a common good.

Sod that! Instead, they run around as if they lived in a state of complete anarchy with complete disregard for society and anything other than their own immediate desires. They don’t even recognize authority, so how can they question it?

(K)ids today are being raised to believe that a work ethic consists of 10 months of bland indifference followed by 2 months of reckless irresponsibility. – Mr Mills

Once again, sir, you are being far too kind. (You old softie, you.)

The best you can hope for from today’s kids is 10 months (part-time) of complete apathy followed by 2 months of End Times style chaos.

I believe you’re right about their ability to meaningfully question authority. It’s clear to me that damned young people have no capacity for analysis (critical or otherwise) and certainly no notion of common good . What I was referring to was not so much questioning authority as being oppositional to anyone in a position of authority. I’m not referring to a young person calling into question the context of a historical event and challenging his teacher on the point – I was thinking more the young person who tells his teacher to “fuck off” when asked to take his feet off his desk. Perhaps I would have been clearer if I had said “no regard” for authority or just called them “smart-mouthed, dim-witted little bastards.”

As to the second point around work ethic…well, perhaps I am getting soft. Ten months (part time) of apathy is likely a more accurate description. In fact, now that I consider it, 10 months is probably a little generous. When you factor out all of their damned PD or PA days, statutory holidays, useless field trips, moronic “study weeks”, mental health days and extended holidays (2 weeks at Christmas) it’s probably closer to 6 months (part time) of complete apathy combined with 4 months of groin-scratching sloth followed by two months of End Times style chaos. And even that might be on the generous side.

Thanks for the wake-up call. I’ll do my best to toughen up in future. I sure as Hell don’t want to be seen as going soft on damned young people.

I knew exactly what you meant (and, as usual, you’re right). I was just seeking to clarify things. I was worried some young person would attempt to read it and (as usual) fail to comprehend it,then proceed to burn down his teacher’s house and call it “questioning authority”, as if he had freed a wrongfully detained prisoner from a Turkish prison.

I had to do a hell of alot of work during the summer (though probably not to the degree that you did). I wasn’t raised on a farm, but my dad thought of our lawn as if it were. Most of the chores he (and my mom) had me do were just mindless. For example, they’d have me plant a bush in the backyard on a Saturday, then change their mind(s) the next Saturday and have me plant the same bush in a different spot! I even remember holding the damned bush and following them around the yard, while they argued about where to (trans)plant it! Most of my summer jobs were like that–totally irrational, because my parents were irrational! In fairness, though, we did take many summer trips to the beach and the mountains–and my dad took me fishing alot during the summer. So it wasn’t all bad. You’re right though, about the boredom. No matter how busy I was working or playing during the summer, I was always glad to return to school, after three months!

I enjoyed that comment a great deal. Perhaps it’s because the bush transplanting is exactly the sort of thing my old dad would have done to me any my brothers. He was always giving us tasks that seemed irrational. I’m still not sure if there was some deep lesson he was trying to teach us or whether he just liked giving us the damned gears.

Greetings Mr Mills,
As I read each missive from you my admiration grows apace.
I unfortunately encounter all too many “smart-mouthed, dim-witted little bastards” in my daily ventures into the world of young people. A good swift kick in the slats would benefit them most definitely. I would also like to observe that parenting seems to bear significantly on the situation as well. I know (admittedly few) young people whose parents have not spared the rod who are respectful and helpful. Lazy-assed slugs who allow their offspring to run amuck like rabid wolves for the first five years of their existence then send them off for some poor hapless educator to convert into a human being really boil my blood. Not only do they flee all responsibilty for their progeny, they expect the teacher to make something of them without corporal (or any other kind) of discipline, homework, or parental involvement. I would propose a law that one needs to be found competent in order to bear young, but the government would bugger that up as well.
Keep up the good work sir,
oldgoat

I completely agree with you that young people should get jobs or stay in school for the full year. My reasons for concurring have more to do with my personal convenience. I would prefer that they stay in school and learn basic math as I get really frustrated at the register when they can’t figure out the change.

Like Maddie, I also agree that young people (under the age of 18) should be required to go to school all year round. Sometimes when I go out shopping or what not, I see some kids just standing by the entrance or in the street doing nothing but either taking on their phones or just standing there. As long as they don’t bother me, they aren’t as bad as the whipper snappers that beg for money.

But even so, understand of doing nothing, these kids should at least be working or at the very least, volunteer somewhere. I know if I were their parents, I wouldn’t just let them sleep all day long, spend their entire day on sites like Facebook or what have you or do nothing all day long. If they wanted to read, I’d give them the job ad section of the paper (assuming young people these days still know what a newspaper is, I had ask me what a resume is, so I don’t know anymore these days.)

Well i`m sure happy I do not live in America, where i’m from most of us deserve the break. Of course we have jobs, like me. I currently have two. Now I have no idea what you mean by kids don’t deserve the brief hiatus, I am 17 years of age and summer for me is a time of exercise and study reflection. I will be studying for my final year of highshool, lots of Biology, Chemistry, Calculas, Physics and my favorite Neurology. So please do not say “all kids” Don. Here in Canada theres some good left in us.

Your right, everyday I see males and females my age acting and dressing the same. Using anything illegal just so they can be noticed. We are turning out to be a “shitty” generation. Its the television programes and i’m almost certain of it.

Yeah, good point. A couple generations have been raised almost exclusively on American TV now. And “Surprise, surprise!” when they start imitating American kids.

For example, I see them all the males walking around with their pants around their damn ankles, even in the middle of January. You never saw anybody with their pants around their ankles in the middle of winter on Canadian TV shows. Stupid American copycatting morons deserve frostbite on their nether regions! Hopefully, it will prevent them from reproducing.

Perhaps we can’t blame the media solely. You know, I have a hard time not addressing the parents here. Even if a parent believes TV is a problem, they can do their part in limiting it or controlling it to a point. Of course, parents cannot shelter kids from the crappy world but they sure can raise them to understand that the world is just that sometimes, crappy, and that they can rise above it. Our society encourages conformity, but it is not up to kids to figure out how to break out of these social expectations— they need parents to guide them.

I always worked through my summers… and my school years, actually. I used to dread the summers because the kids would run around the neighborhoods shooting off fireworks and squealing. But now I have a kid of my own… so maybe I should recognize the fun in that. But teenagers should be doing something productive, I think.

Even if kids are allowed to sit around relaxing and doing nothing for a couple months, they should at least be forced to read books. Reading actual literature is probably the harshest legal punishment you can inflict on a young person these days.

Blimey Mr Mills – I’ve been away for a few moinths and return to find that you’re not dead yet!

Excellent news.

Given the content of your article, I feel I must warn you that a particular young person (Nobbly No1 Son, no less) is currently crossing the Atlantic, intent on taking his summer vacation in somewhere called ‘Canada’.

It’s always a pleasure to read your posts. I agree that it’s time to end the long summer vacations. These were useful in the days when children were needed at home to do the farm work that was greater at this time of year. If there are rural communities whose school districts decide to maintain the two months off so that children are available to their parents, that’s one thing, but all the city kids need something to keep them occupied in the summer. I’m tired of seeing little rats everywhere. When they’re in school, I don’t have to look at them as often. Also, this change in schedule causes a lot of problems for working parents with regards to finding suitable child care for two months out of the year. It’s just time to end it.

I agree. For example, my neighbors recently decided that their version of “fun” would be setting off thunderous, ear-splitting fireworks in their backyard sporadically until 11:30 at night on random non-holidays. Unfortunately, I cannot even blame this inconsideration on age; they are much older than I am. Will this end with the end of summer? One can truly hope. But what about next year?