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KING OF THE HILL

Peggy: What if I'm not as smart as I always thought? What if I'm ... average?

Hank: Peggy, you have an IQ of 175. You said so yourself.

Peggy: Well, there could be a margin of error. Especially since it's my own estimate.

HOROSCOPE

Somehow you always thought that when you got to a certain age the clothes would be a lot better.

Note this is satire via The Onion (warning: site can contain explicit content). Satire means: trenchant wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly, according to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.