The TWW is killing me

Hi Loves! A lot has happened since June and I’ve been hesitating to share since this is such a personal and emotional process. But not sharing is also very isolating so here goes!

Since June, we’ve inseminated twice. IUI #1 (intra uterine insemination) was in June and was textbook – I took my temperature every single day, I ovulated on the predicted date, we went in for the procedure, I went home and put my legs up and that was it! Two weeks later, BFN (big fat negative). We were devastated! I did everything I was supposed to (even had acupuncture!) and the sperm count was high at over 11 million sperm so why didn’t one of those millions of swimmers find my egg?! Being a lesbian, you don’t really know for sure how “easy” it is to get pregnant because you have no contact with sperm. We were oh so hopeful for the first round and it took us a while to get over the fact we weren’t pregnant.

From there we set out planning IUI #2. The first round turned me into an insane person and put a strain on my relationship so for #2 I wanted to be less stressed so we opted to not take my temperature anymore.

Since we started this journey I hoped to try back to back with no time off in between. But we had a big trip planned in July/August to Miami & Costa Rica so July wasn’t an option – we needed every penny for our vacation!

I got AF (aunt flow) at the tail end of our Costa Rica trip so the cycle began all over again. Three days after we returned I scheduled my HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) test to be performed on Cycle Day (CD) 10, August 13th. It’s a very uncomfortable procedure where they shoot dye inside of you to see if your tubes are blocked but the test also serves as a way to flush the fallopian tubes and women are usually more fertile up to 3 months after the procedure is done. It was optional and the cost was totally out of pocket but I’m willing to do anything to increase my chances of conception! From there I expected to ovulate on CD14 – but ended up ovulating early on CD12.

Excited we called the cryobank and our doctor and scheduled IUI#2 for the next day. It was a Saturday which was amazing because I didn’t have to work, we could just relax all day. It was also exciting because it was the first time something wasn’t planned – it just happened which felt right.

Fast forward to today, I’m 11DPIUI (days past IUI). We go in for a blood test THIS FRIDAY (13DPIUI) to find out if I’m pregnant or not. Friday, August 29th is coincidentally also my 30th Birthday so I’m a wreck! I want to be excited for my birthday but this process is so all encompassing that I basically don’t give a crap about my birthday. Isn’t that terrible! I also keep thinking God wouldn’t do that to me – why would he give me a BFN on my birthday? C’mon God you know that’s cruel! All I want for my birthday is a BFP! (big fat positive)

If you’ve gone through this you know the TWW (two week wait) is agonizing. Luckily I’ve had friends and family making me feel optimistic about it. My new friend and neighbor even brought me good luck socks in green and a little jar of baby dust! It was the sweetest thing and made me feel good about this whole thing. This round feels different and there are signs everywhere but you know how it is – when you want something really bad, everything is a sign!

We’re doing everything to stay busy and keep ourselves occupied until Friday. Baby dust to all of you out there in the same boat. All we can do is stay positive and hopeful and trust that pregnancy will happen when it’s our turn. If we get our BFP, you’ll hear me screaming with joy and if I don’t I’ll post about our plans for Round #3 next month.

3 Comments

Best of luck guys! I know a few couples right now who have been trying to have a baby and I can’t imagine the anxiety and excitement that comes with it. I have no doubt your baby will come to you soon. I hope you get the birthday present of a lifetime on Friday, Vivi!