This is a remarkably good month for video games - the Saints Row IV DLC is coming out, the Director's Cut of Deus Ex (only $5 if you already have the game and DLC), Batman and the PC version of Deadly Premonitions...

Yep, it's $10 with just the game, $5 if you got the DLC. The Director's Cut apparently integrates the DLC directly into the game now. Also, the boss fights have all been tweaked, and the game is reworked to allow hacking and stealth focuses.

Is the Directors Cut the stuff that's coming with the Wii U version? Thought that was supposed to be exclusive, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they changed their minds (exclusive content is the tool of the devil anyway)

Is the Directors Cut the stuff that's coming with the Wii U version? Thought that was supposed to be exclusive, but I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that they changed their minds (exclusive content is the tool of the devil anyway)

It seems to be the case, yeah.

Although I'm not looking forward to having to hold my entire desktop at a distance from my monitor and then point and shake it just to play the game now.

This is a remarkably good month for video games - the Saints Row IV DLC is coming out, the Director's Cut of Deus Ex (only $5 if you already have the game and DLC), Batman and the PC version of Deadly Premonitions...

pft whatever. All those pale in comparison to POKEMON which just came out today

Not a one. I never use nicknames, so I'm not very good at coming with one...actually, I lied. Call it Firefox.

.... see why I never come up with names?

I put my Fennekin right into the box as soon as I got a Charmander. I'm super thrilled to have one. I'm also avoiding the internet mostly to avoid any and all spoilers, heh. I don't even know who the gym leaders are.

My character, having failed to murder the crap out of the Orc general (I managed to roll enough 1s during this campaign that i was dubbed "Crit-Fail"), managed to bluff him into believing that our forces at the wall had received massive reinforcements. Our business being amicably concluded, he allowed me to depart for the wall, while several of my party members interrogated a captured Orc in a display of depravity that would have turned Ramsay Snow's stomach. Somehow, no one noticed me sneaking out or returning. Pathetic excuses for sentries. In any case, I return to quarters to get a couple hours of shut-eye, only to be rudely awakened by screaming coming from the kitchen. If there's one thing that A Dance With Dragons taught me, it's to never trust the cooks. The party quickly adjourns to the kitchen, where a bunch of large ants (I guess this wall is located in the Capital Wasteland) are savaging a corpse. I slash at them with my shortsword, predictably fail the roll, and get mauled for my trouble. The half-orc barbarian manages to pull me out of the ant swarm, but I've managed to lose half of my health. Our party druid, Methisfun, just waltzes in and fries the ants with Force Lightning or whatever. The surviving cooks inform us that A) ants this size are normal(!) and B) there's something funny with the oven. The druid heals me up, turns into a bonsai tree (yes, you read that right. I have absolutely no idea what tactical advantage he derived from that, especially since he could only communicate by cryptically rustling his leaves), hops on the ranger's shoulder, and we all set off down the tunnel. After determining that it leads straight to the orc encampment, we contacted the garrison commander to seal the tunnel behind us as we ventured out to sabotage the orc army. Our cavalier stayed behind because he hates fun in order to command the remaining human forces in the event of an attack while we journeyed down the tunnel behind the oven, because we have absolutely no concept of self-preservation.

Towards the end of the tunnel, our half-orc is able to make out the sounds of Orcish voices. The elven ranger and I elect to sneak up to the entrance of the excavation in order to assess the situation. To each side, we can see golems chain to the mountain sides. As of yet, none of the orcs have noticed us. Naturally, we decide to release the golems and unleash hell. The ranger sneaks out first, druid-turn-into-a-bonsai jauntily perched on his shoulder. He manages to deftly approach the golem and begin working at its chains with nary a flutter of attention. I then make my approach to the other golem, rolling a 20 and, with Mephala's blessing, unleash the golem and route the orc army!

Haha, just kidding.

I roll a 1 and critically fail my sneak check. I manage to stumble over a pile of rocks and attract the attention of the orcish sentries. Fortunately, the rest of the party must have been within earshot, as just as the sentries take notice of me, our half-orc barbarian runs up, grabs me by the scruff, and explains that I'm his prisoner. Yes, we're running the old "Wookiee prisoner transfer" routine. Being supremely un-genre savvy, the sentries buy it and the half-orc conducts me to the stockade. I'm promptly thrown in a cell while the half-orc drinks the jailer under the table. Meanwhile, Oberon the elven ranger and his trusty companion Methisfun the druid-turned-bonsai unleash the kraken golem and begin to cut a bloody swath through the orc encampment. "The Siege of Gondor" reaches that part where a trebuchet flattens a Mordor battalion just as the golem flattens several orcs (yes, I had the ROTK extended soundtrack playing in the background). That thing's attack stats are through the roof. As this occurs, our gnome magus simulates the sound of warhorns coming from the flanks. Remember how I told the Orc general that reinforcements had arrived?

He bought it. Hook, line, and sinker.

The Orc army redeploys to face this perceived threat, exposing their rear to the wall. My half-orc compatriot takes this opportunity to break me out of my cell while the Ranger, Druid/Bonsai and the Gnome ride the golem like a rocky mumakil. Jacen in the Garden would be hard-pressed to match the levels of carnage they wreaked throughout the camp. Meanwhile, the barbarian and I press through the ranks, seeking the Orc general. My companion then challenges him to single combat in full view of the army. Although mildly perplexed ("wait, you aren't in my army. Weren't you present at the parlay?"), the commander agrees, figuring that this is just a minor distraction. I utilize the engrossed crowd to maneuver myself into position behind General Gobbledygook, and for once, the die are in my favor. Just and Orcface McGee parries a blow from his assailant, I leap into action and jam my dagger between his shoulder blades. 3d8 damage, mothakriffa. Gothmog generic Orc General stumbles, whining about arcane concepts like "single combat" and "honor". It's at this point that the garrison's remaining cavalry sally forth, taking Mother Hagna's host from the rear and inflicting mad casualties (yes, once our cavalier sallied forth, I made sure that "the Battle of Pelennor Fields" was blaring. It was AMAZING). As the general regains his footing, the dagger slides out of his back and I fall to the ground. Before he can turn my eyes into jelly (goes great on toast, let me tell you), the Three Caballeros arrive with their golem. The Druid/Bonsai calls down the thunder of heaven and annihilates Lurtz's stunt double with a blinding pillar of light. Exar Kun sympathizes. However, just as the orc army routs in earnest, a blood-curdling roar is head in the distance! The orc shamaness, Mother Hagna, has arrived astride a Final Boss beast of doom!

While the rest of the party rushes off to do battle, I plunge into the chaotic orc army to retrieve that last golem. At one point, a squad of orcs foolishly tries to stop me. It is at this point that I channel my inner warrior poet, quoting the god Vivec as I intimidate the ever-living daylights out of an entire squad of mooks: "DEFY ME, AND YOU WILL KNOW WHAT IT MEANS TO STAND BEFORE A GOD." Clearly these guys have read the Apographa and/or "The Metaphysics of Morrowind". Believing that I must have called down that pillar of light to smite the general, Joker Squad gets the hell out of my way. I reach the golem, and the die, realizing that this is a campaign climax goddammit, allow me to disable the chains and mount the golem without any issues. Forth Eorlingas!

The group assembles and rides forth to meet Mother Hagna, who is riding some sort of cross between a mammoth and an armadillo, which I cleverly dub "The Mamodillo". Jello, have you caught this in Pokemon X yet? Anyway, we forego the normal pre-battle banter and elect to smite this witch. Our ranger convinces his golem to attack the witch, while the cavalier distracts the Mamodillo and the druid and magus start throwing spells. Not wanting to be outdone, I urge my golem into action! Predictably, it ignores me and just kind of stands there. The Mamodillo suddenly sweeps its tusks, crippling the cavalier, wounding the Half-Orc, and blowing the golem out from under me. As I topple to the ground, I roll towards Mother Hagna, draw my dagger and shortsword, and lunge! I successfully make the attack roll, but my weapons only do 1d4+2 apiece because this isn't a sneak attack. Lame. It was at this point that our druid, in a move that would make His Imperial Majesty himself shed a tear, fried the everliving daylights out of Mother Hagna with a lightning attack. Yes, that's right. The final boss battle is won by a bonsai tree throwing Force Lightning. The Mamodillo runs off, the orcs have been routed, we've all gained two levels, and the campaign is over! Cue "Throne Room and End Credits"! Cue that Roman officer from Rome: Total War screaming "The day is ours!" Cue me taking a celebratory shot of Evan Williams Kentucky Straight!

However, while our Pathfinder campaign has come to a conclusion, the madness has only begun! Starting next weekend, I will be GM'ing a game of Star Wars Saga for the group (we really need to come up with a catchy name, come to think of it). Working title:

RC-1991 DECANONIZES SWTOR AND THE REVAN NOVEL IN FAVOR OF TELLING HIS OWN VERSION OF WHAT HAPPENED AFTER KOTOR II

details to come once I successfully re-stat half of the party from KOTOR II, stat out approximately a bajillion PCs, and figure out an outline of how this campaign will play out.

I'm thinking Pokemon X/Y will be the first Pokemon game I play in years. So, am I correct in the assumption that the correct formula for deciding which to get is still to decide which legendary cover Pokemon looks cooler?

So, it looks like I'm going to be starting with a Rebellion-era campaign instead. While it will still be run as a Star Wars Saga campaign, I'm planning to several WEG modules. If I'm feeling nasty, I'll make them escort a Rebel convoy through Derra IV.

Well, I'm planning to throw them all together by putting them all in the brig of the VSD Subjugator- basically the Starfall supplement, only with a Verpine shipwright rather than Walex Blissex. There will probably be a series of intervening adventures, and they will meet the designer during Strike Force: Shantipole- B-Wing project. Some point after that, they'll protect a B-Wing factory world in The Isis Coordinates. The outcome of the Isis Coordinates will determine how what kind of complement they will field during the Black Ice supplement. I'll probably work in other adventures and such- might have them visit Point Nadir from Scum and Villainy at one point.

I'll also have contingency plans for if they somehow manage to get employed by the Empire.

I'm thinking Pokemon X/Y will be the first Pokemon game I play in years. So, am I correct in the assumption that the correct formula for deciding which to get is still to decide which legendary cover Pokemon looks cooler?

That's how I decided, more or less. There are some version exclusive "mega evolutions" apparently, but eh they're item based, so maybe I will trade for them.

So, in carrying on with my Jedi Prince reread, I have discovered that, according to Trioculus, the legal document that the Empire is built on is called The Dark Book of Imperial Justice. Tell me that is not amazing.

So, in carrying on with my Jedi Prince reread, I have discovered that, according to Trioculus, the legal document that the Empire is built on is called The Dark Book of Imperial Justice. Tell me that is not amazing.