Impractical Men Say Their Ideal Day Would Involve Four Hours of Sex

In an ideal world, men would get to spend an average of four hours and 19 minutes having sex a day, a weird study has found. Conducted by Unilever Compressed deodorants (because all that sex is gonna leave you stinky), the study says that while men enjoy other activities, they would like to spend almost a third of their waking time boning.

While this is all well and good — Oprah says live your best life! — these deodorant supporters aren't taking into account the laws of biology and exactly how warped a four-hours-a-day sex life schedule really is. First, there is something for men called a sexual refractory period, a half-hourish amount of time after having an orgasm in which boners and more orgasms are nigh impossible. Sorry dudes, your body would probably reject your daily sex marathons and become a limp, shriveling pile of muscle cramps.

More importantly, having sex for roughly four and a half hours a day while working and commuting for about eight and a half hours, and then sleeping your doctor-recommended eight hours, leaves you with a measly three hours with which to do anything else with your life. Three hours to shower, eat three meals, poop, and do yoga. How will you finish Season 2 of House of Cards?

Basically, men's "ideal" is a time suck solely capable of individuals living within the plot of Sliding Doors. Men (and ladies), think of what you could do if you gave up your white whale four-hour sex dreams. You could alphabetize your record collection. You could slow cook chili. You could become a master of Mandarin poetry.

Please take a page from Ben Franklin (below), who both owned the field of time management andkilled with the ladies.