You may be on Instagram, thinking you’re living a fun, unexamined kind of existence. Sure people are seeing your photos and liking them and commenting on them, but surely no one’s really paying attention to what else you’re doing on there, who you’re following, liking, etc. Well, my friends, you’re wrong. There are people who are paying attention to exactly that. Just look at this People article about Bronx bombshell Jennifer Lopez and former Bronx bomber Alex Rodriguez.

The story is piggybacked on the news that Lopez and Rodriguez—two alphas in their fields, wealthy Americans who just want someone to share it all with—are dating. They’re reportedly a couple, yes, which makes plenty of sense. Sensical or not, it is huge news, and one mere blog post about it will not suffice. No, you have to squeeze out at least a few ancillary stories from the discovery of this new power couple. And so we have this People article about how, just hours before it was announced that Lopez and Rodriguez are smooshing, Lopez liked a photo on Rodriguez’s Instagram feed. People were watching.

Isn’t that remarkable? That people notice this stuff? I often look at Instagram for long enough—lost down some sad rabbit hole of Instagays and theater actors on vacation in Fire Island—that I begin to lose all sense of self or grip on the tangible fabric of spacetime. I, like many others, am an intense user of Instagram. But I can’t imagine having the sense to click over to the other window to see who is liking other people’s stuff. That’s the harsh truth of it. For so many people like me, Instagram is such a profound expression of self-punishment that it’s anathema to the whole experience that we would care what other people are doing on other people’s feeds. For us Instagram, is a unilateral exchange, a dark and exclusive symbiosis between host (them) and parasite (us).

But, some Instagram users are more outwardly curious than us miserable narcissists. They like to pay attention to the elaborately entwined sprawl of the place, making Carrie Mathison red-string connections between celebrities (and, probably, civilians), divining romances, feuds, etc. It’s rather remarkable, and a heartening testament to the fact that not everyone is as hideously fixated on using Instagram solely as a tool for self-flagellation as others are. Thank God!

Anyway, back to J.Lo and A-Rod. What do we think about that? It just rings true, doesn’t it? Rodriguez has a long history of dating movie stars (Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Charlotte Rampling—well, two of the three, anyway) and Lopez has a long history of dating younger men. It all checks out. Geographically I’m not sure how they’re making that work. Maybe Rodriguez lives in L.A. now? Does Jennifer Lopez even live in L.A.? I just realized that I have no idea where Jennifer Lopez lives. And I probably have no idea because I’ve been too consumed with scrolling through Instagram snaps of some guy Troye Sivan is rumored to be dating, feeling terrible about myself, to pay attention to important details like where J.Lo lives. Thanks, Instagram.

Congrats to the happy couple, though. Hope you’ll keep liking each other’s photos for a long, long time.

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