Zidane: The Smuggest Player of the World Cup

I was at the Irish Bank this afternoon with some pals (including a friend from Liverpool, who, with diplomatic intentions, refused to pick a team), rooting for Italy in the World Cup Final. But any shreds of sympathy I had for France disappeared with the arrival of Zineidine “Hubris Is the Secret Answer to Life” Zidane. The first indication that Zidane was problematic was when he was injured late in the second half, beckoning the medical authorities to him as if they were servants offering canapes rather than doctors restoring injuries. And then there was the head butt (pictured above) against Marco Materazzi — perhaps the lowest blow I saw during the World Cup. Thankfully, he was given a red card.

I hereby vote Zidane the Smuggest Player of the World Cup. He is everything that soccer should not be. So long as he plays, I cannot find it within me to root for France.

French TV station France 2 quickly retracted an inadvertantly leaked report that Zidane was admitted to a Berlin hospital suffering from a tranquilizer overdose barely an hour after the end of the 2006 World Cup Final. However, a member of staff of the Charité – Universitätsmedizin hospital in Berlin, who wishes to remain anonymous, later revealed to reporters from Le Monde that the football star remains critically ill in a coma after undergoing an emergency stomach pumping at the hospital.

That was my favorite part of the match. I say more head butts, less faking injury and you might get me to actually care about this sport. As it stands now, I’d rather watch an LPGA match play event. Okay, hyperbole. But still…

I’d love to know what Materazzi said (no doubt it was some combination of awful, filthy and uncalled for) but the head-butt was just nasty. Whether it turned the tide for Italy’s win is another story – I suspect not – but having it end on a shootout was still disappointing.

It might…if you’re Zidane you’ve put up with a lot of shit in France for being Algerian. But it was still strange and shocking, and my admiration for him kind of wilted right there. Talk about being the goat of the game!

By the way, he wasn’t beckoning the medics to him, he was signaling to the coach’s bench that he didn’t need to be subbed out of the game. There’s a special hand signal for it. The medics were already on their way out when he did that.

“Materazzi issued a vehement denial, while sources close to the player emphasised that he had not been accused of racism before, pointing to his close friendship with Obafemi Martins, the Nigeria and Inter Milan striker.”

I confirmed this several places today, so “anti-racisim” (sic) is a lyin’ frenchman.