Being in love, and working at staying in love. Marriage is always a work in progress. My husband and I went through, and will go through a lot of trials and tribulations, but at the end of it all, through all good things and bad, we continue to remember why we vowed to stay with each other. And that's because we love each other. Sure, we may have bad days and bad moods. Sure, we have some small quarrels once in a while. But as long as we keep our lines of communication open and try to understand each other, and remember all the reasons why we chose each other...we'll remember why we chose to live with each other rather than live our own life individually.

My brother's getting married very, very soon. And while these things may sound negative, this is what I want them to know about getting married:

When you get married, you don't decide things just for yourself. You have to ALWAYS consider your spouse in your decisions. Later, when you have kids, the more you have to take them into consideration.

Money matters may be a source of conflicts within the marriage. A lot of breakups occur because of conflicts over money -- how it should be spent, how much to save, what to spend it on. Decide early on how you are going to manage your money matters. Who's contributing to what, how much you can spend for yourself without having to inform the other, joint and separate bank accounts, insurance and all those other nitty gritty stuff.

Although it's romantic to think that marriage is about the two of you, the reality is that marriage also involves other people. Remember that your in-laws are your spouse's family. You have to treat them with respect.

Children are a joy to have. I have one and I want another one. But having children is definitely not a rash decision to make. Are you ready to raise children? Do you both have the emotional maturity to decide things for a totally dependent being? Children are also expensive. The cost of giving birth, medical care, diapers, milk, education, etc etc will get a big chunk out of your income. Are YOU ready for that?

As I've said in the paragraph above, the you need at working to stay in love. I'm sure there are things about your partner that irritate you, as early as now. Believe me, more will come out when you are already married. When you're with a person 24/7, sharing the same house, the same room and the same bed, you see all the tiny little quirks that add up to your irritation. Choosing to stay in love also means having to ignore these little (and big) quirks that irritate you so much and remembering all the things that made you fall in love with each other in the first place.

I realize I sound a little negative, but those are the realities of married life. But I'll say that I'm happier now that I'm married, with a child, than I was when I was single. If I go through life again, I'd make the same choices.

4
comments:

hello tsinay! Ok you got me thinking there. Part of the reason I didn't want to ever get married was because of fear of several things you mentioned. Perhaps being overly independent and resenting the fact that I have to weigh in my hubby's (or someone else's) say in every decision is what's keeping me.

The third installment of the Aggie Wants To Know Series is up! It's intimidating at first but Im sure you'll enjoy reading it once you are done! You can do your own thing too - I just want to know how the the first six months of 2008 went for you :) I hope you join!