Step 5. Actually care about others. Being a self-centered idiot ain’t a recipe for success.

Step 6. Don’t make life harder than it needs to be. Life’s challenging enough without you complicating the simple. Suck it up, Princess.

Step 7. Do things early in the day. Being productive early puts you in a better place (mentally, emotionally and creatively) for the rest of the day.

Step 8. Let go of your ill-conceived beliefs. It’s time to lose those self-limiting, disempowering beliefs. They’ve run your life for long enough. You’re good enough, talented enough and, yes, you deserve happiness.

Step 9. Bad things happen and life’s not fair – deal with it. More often than not success or failure will be determined by the way you react to the situations, circumstances and events (good and bad, foreseen or not) of your world. Better reactions equal better results.

Step 10. Don’t focus on (or obsess about) things you can’t change. Wasting your time, talent and emotional energy on things that are beyond your control is a recipe for frustration, misery and stagnation. Invest your energy in the things you can control.

Step 11. Don’t avoid things you fear. Putting your head in the sand just shows the world your arse. And none of us want that. Lasting change begins with awareness and acknowledgement. Step up and do what’s necessary.

There you have it, Grasshoppers: politically incorrect self-help. In fact, let’s not call it self-help, let’s call it… some free practical advice. Of course, some will be offended and bothered by this type of language and message but fortunately for me, I’ve learned to take criticism pretty well.

You may want to attach (nail, staple, rivet, sew, glue) these twelve steps to the forehead of someone special. And then run.