Big Impacts Are All Around

Dave Johnson

June 18, 2006|By DAVE JOHNSON Daily Press

Recapping the week that was, in which Ben Roethlisberger ended up with the foggy head he needed to finally see clearly, Michael Jordan made his return to the front office (oh, Lordy), and the natural disaster that is FEMA found its way to the sports pages:

BIG UNIT SUSPENDED FOR THROWING AT BATTER

And to think, some were worried that the Yankees' Randy Johnson had lost his touch.

ROETHLISBERGER INJURED IN MOTORCYCLE ACCIDENT

After breaking several facial bones, including his jaw, Big Ben promised to wear a helmet. He was obviously scared straight -- not by the accident, but by the thought of winding up like Gary Busey.

HEAT EVENS SERIES AGAINST MAVS

With his team down 2-love, Dwyane Wade almost single-handedly made it a series again with legendary back-to-back performances.

The bad news: We'll have to endure more sideline shots of Dallas owner/whack-job Mark Cuban.

MICHAEL JORDAN BECOMES CO-OWNER

The Charlotte Bobcats are thrilled to have him, but maybe they'd better limit his role. After all, as an exec with the Washington Wizards, MJ (a) hired Leonard Hamilton, (b) traded Rip Hamilton and (c) took Kwame Brown with the No. 1 pick -- not exactly the stuff of great resumes.

WORLD CUP CRANKS UP

Germany and Argentina are off to strong ... starts ... and the ... the ... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

JIM HARRICK RETURNS TO COACHING

The former top dog at Georgia and UCLA was hired by the Bakersfield Jam of the NBA Development League. A team official praised Harrick as "the best coach that wasn't already under contract somewhere else in America." Which is a really sweet way of saying, "He's the best coach nobody else wanted."

PITCHER SUSPENDED FOR 50 GAMES

Major League Baseball sent a stern message with its handling of Jason Grimsley, who admitted to using performance-enhancing drugs.

Grimsley's career is obviously as done as Emilio Estevez's. But given that he was 1-2 with a 4.88 ERA, maybe he should call his supplier to demand a refund.

JAY-Z LAUNCHES STUDENT ESSAY CONTEST

The rapper and Nets investor will donate $30,000 to be split among six New Jersey schools. Here's betting none of those kids pen anything as deep as "I just wanna freak your body-adi-adi."

L.A. MAYOR MEETS WITH NFL DELEGATION

The next step: Finding actual football fans in Los Angeles.

ROGER FEDERER KEEPS WINNING ON GRASS

The only athlete who loves the green stuff more is ... nah, we've made enough Ricky Williams jokes lately.

J.J. REDICK ARRESTED ON DUI CHARGES

Duke's all-time leading scorer was pulled over after officers noticed him making an illegal U-turn to avoid a police checkpoint. Why didn't he just pretend it was March? He could have disappeared.

HOCKEY TEAM CANCELS NEXT SEASON

The minor-league Danbury Trashers' owner has been linked to a Mafia indictment. Opponents became suspicious when, after beating the Trashers, they woke up with a horse's head in their beds.

AUDIT FINDS FEMA AID PAID FOR SEX CHANGE, SAINTS TICKETS

This raises an interesting hypothetical: At gunpoint, which would you choose?

TIGER WOODS MISSES CUT IN U.S. OPEN

Given that Tiger was playing for the first time since his father's death, it would be pretty hard to rip him. Unless you're Ann Coulter.

Dave Johnson can be reached at 247-4649 or by e-mail at djohnson@dailypress.com *