Inspired and unstoppable? What happens with doubt...

Doubt Cleanse - andrealeda.com

Even in the midst of success, I am susceptible to doubt and I know I am not the only one.Let me back up.
I have been pouring my heart into Awaken Your Practice and the workbook that goes along with it. When I started the writing process back in April I vowed to myself that I would not go looking for more "inspiration" (aka comparison) or the writing would never get off the ground. This must be, in part, why writers seclude themselves. Distractions = no writing gets done.

So, for three months I have been reading books but no blogs, articles, FB feeds, etc. to keep myself dedicated to what I wanted to convey. I must say - this was incredibly hard. I realized two things. 1.) When I go looking for inspiration all I really do is compare myself and 2.) I don't always trust that my ideas are enough.

Last week I officially submitted the workbook to my designer and I won't see it again until it's pretty and polished. (Thank you, Natalie McGuire!) So what do I do right after it's off my plate? I go back to all the blogs, websites and FB feeds and BAM....not even a week later I find myself in a full blown doubt hangover.

Bleh.

So I do what I do best - create a challenge out of it :) Enter the #doubtcleanse. Five days of not adding things to my awareness that make me question my brilliance.

But it didn't work.

It isn't working.

It almost made it worse. Like there is this big pink doubt elephant in the room and I put a big ol' tutu on it. And maybe some roller skates. You get the idea.

Before I knew it I was in a stream of self-inflicted insults....

Why didn't you think of...

You should have...

You shouldn't eat that...

You could have...

You need to...

You should change....

You get the picture. It's amazing how our own minds know just the right buttons to push, isn't it? So what did I do? I put on some roller skates too (metaphorically speaking) and danced with doubt.

The doubt exists because I believe in what I am doing with my whole heart and this is scary.

The doubt exists because I have this HUGE vision for the world and no real clue how to get there and this is intimidating.

The doubt exists because I love my work so much and some days I think the other shoe is going to drop and this is vulnerable.

It's vulnerable to be invested in something no one else can see yet. Or to stand for an idea that sounds idyllic or naive. It's vulnerable to put yourself out there and build a brand from your heart. So I guess, bring on the doubt!

Maybe it means I am really invested in this magical thing called purpose.

Maybe it means I am pushing my own edge.

The thing is I will act in spite of the doubt because I have to. This is called conviction. It doesn't mean doubt won't creep in, it means you keep going. And my hope is, when it comes to your purpose, you will do the same.

Even when your doubt puts on rollers skates and gets your attention let it be. In a way, it just wants you to be ok and safe and sometimes our big beautiful ideas aren't safe but they are more than ok.

In light and love,

Andrea

P.S.

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