Category Archives: Muse

It was all smoke and mirrors!! It was all a game to him, you are yelling. Everyone is staring at us as we try to pick the perfect bottle of whiskey for the occasion. You never know what’s the perfect drink to cure a broken heart though. So hold a second as we pile different flavors into the cart.

Watch me forget his name. Watch me erase all memory of him, you scream as the alcohol limits slowly play a game of who’s stronger with your blood. The fact that we’ve had nothing to eat does nothing to help this unfair competition. So i pour the whiskey and you rant. I smoke and you rant some more. I start drinking the moment you start breaking down and hold you as racking sobs have your body shaking. I can’t watch you like this sober. It is not fair to either of us.

It is like watching a child cut himself crawling on broken glass. It hurts me more than it hurts you. You delete the beautiful pictures of you and him on the phone. They are so many you give up after you realize that your hands are too tired and the light is hurting your eyes so you drop the phone into the glass of whiskey. You seem to have come to terms with the reality of the situation so you start smoking, the tears caked up on your face making you look so vulnerable.

I am still holding you and your head is cradled on my shoulder. We are seated on the balcony. It is a Friday night. Life is going on as usual. Most of the neighbors are asleep. The stars look so bright it almost sounds unfair that such a beautiful night could habor such a dark moment to you.

You go over the details leading up to the moment and we analyze it till we decide to give it the middle finger. Surely there’s more to life than moping around. So we go online and book a holiday for the weekend. This was supposed to be your wedding night after all.

Why don’t you let me know

If the ice in your veins

Will thaw into love

Hypothermia is real,luv

I can remember the exact moment when I fell in love with you. The moment I read your work and connected with you on another level. I had not met you then. And I sat there staring at the screen and thinking how foolish i was to be feeling this way when we were virtually strangers.

When i look back at it, I was always in love with your style of writing more than i was in love with you. And i looked forward to putting a face to the words that had stolen my soul. And i still haunt your site to find new posts. And listen to the music we shared to find you between the lines.

And you beckon me with your toothy smile. And we are taking random pictures. Dressing up to go out. What’s some harmless flirting going to do after all, right? Except it is not harmless. And it turns out we crossed the line between flirting and wanting each other.

And we are holding each other. Laughing at each other’s jokes. There’s this funny TV series we watch together. And there are endless possibilities running through my mind.

I remember when I first noticed that you liked me back. We were in a bar seated across each other and you were smiling at me and our gazes couldn’t break. And the crowd faded as we danced suggestively.

And we stumble over each other. Am reaching for your lips and your breath is fast. Your eyes are glazed and my senses are peaked from the sweet scent of you. I don’t remember how we end in your room. Your nipples are pushing against the fabric of your tee and I suck your left breast as you moan and push towards my mouth.

There is a certain choreography to our movements. It feels natural that I am here with you. This moment feels like it was waiting to happen. Your part my lips with your tongue, tasting of cigarettes and mint, and I’m breathless. We make love then, with no strings attached. And it felt as good as i knew it would.

You are dancing with me and my eyes are closed. You pull a little closer and a part of my soul tugs with happiness. Your eyes have this mischevious look and i am smiling now. We burst out laughing because that seems to be the only way we communicate lately.

I like the way your breasts look in your tee and the way your eyes twinkle when you smile. Stay with me. I don’t want you to leave. I like you best when you are laughing without a care in the world. Put off the candle. I want to feel you with my senses ,just without my sight. Until you fall asleep. My nipples graze against yours and my whole body is throbbing naked desire and wanton want.

She is cupping my left breast and teasing my nipple as she stares intently into my eyes. She looks pensive. She is here, but not really with me. I can tell there’s something she wants to tell me but is wrestling with the way to frame it. I let her stew on it for a while. When i can’t wait anymore, i snap at her “ What the fuck is going through your mind?”

She looks at me and makes to smile then goes, “I noticed you’ve grown thin…”

Thin. She said thin, good people. Level with me here. The fact that she was just swooning over me minutes ago and moaning her ass out seems to have totally slipped her mind. She said thin. Really, how do you even describe someone that way.

Well, i might have shed a few pounds, but really, i don’t look like America’s Top Model or one of those Victoria’s Secret models.

“Who are you pining for? Is it him again? You know he is poison in your system. You ought to flush him out for good” she goes on as if she hasn’t seen the storm brewing in my eyes. “Seriously honey, stop doing this to yourself…it’s better to love something that can love you back” she winds up the observation philosophically…no longer tweaking my nipple.

“Coming from a closeted lesbian, that’s rich”, i spit out thoughtlessly. I see the pain in her eyes and feel guilty for a while. Then anger at the truth she just said hits me and i just ignore the feeling.

“You have a way of brushing away reality, that even amazes me. And not a lot amazes me. How long do you intend to be in the closet? I’ll get tired of coming to see you whenever you are horny, and then what? Are you gonna find a girlfriend then?”

She started it. I don’t come with brakes when i start to verbal diarrhea. She looks the other way as if that will make the words less truthful.

“C’mon smartypants. What are you going to do when i move on and actually find a man or a woman to live with. What then? You are fun and all, i admit that. I fell in love with you at some point, but i’m over it”…she gasps at that as i go on with my tirade.

“What do you want?” She says suddenly.

“World peace…gender equality…a million dollars..ice-cream, another fuck…in any order”, i say jokingly.

She is seething in blind rage at that point. I just look at her sheepishly

“I am fucking serious. What do you want?” she goes on without the slightest sign of a smile on her beautiful face. She dimples up even when she is crying. She makes me hot when she is mad.

Well, no one has ever really asked me what i wanted before. I’m feeling a mixture of emotions. But i need to answer her.

“For starters how about you coming out of the closet. You need to live to your full potential and not tied down by society and it’s opinion. I want to get over this creep in my system. I want to be happy. Sounds silly but i do. I want to travel the world and make love on the beach. I want to watch the sun rise and set with someone i love. I could go on, but you are not Oprah” i say without a smile..

“You’ll get your slice of heaven. I know that. You are made of more than you accept. And you are the most stubborn piece of shit i know”, she says with a smile, no longer mad at me.

I notice that she mentions nothing about coming out and i decide to drop it. We’ve had this fight over and over.

“It must be wonderful to have a gift of seeing into the future”, i mutter as we fall over ourselves with deep laughter.

“I feel a migraine developing”, i tell her as i start to dress up.

“You got it the wrong way darling. THAT, comes before the sex,” she says with a shriek, pulling out a cigarette.

As she saunters to the window pane, i put on my sneakers watching her. She has an ass to make your jaws drop.
I manage to break myself from the trance to bolt before her husband comes back. We kiss one last time and the taste of cigarettes and her sweet taste linger long after we part ways.