I've read authors who talk about the times in their life when they are stuck between the highest highs and the lowest lows. I suppose I've never been there before this past year so I didn't really know what that felt like. I've certainly had sad times (as everyone does) but there have been seasons I just had happy tears every day so I guess until now I only knew the two feelings separately.

Well...last October I went to my very first songwriting competition. My friends and family know that since I have been 9 years old it was my deepest desire to be a songwriter but since there is about %0.05 I felt that would ever happen I just simply got depressed each year around grammy time and then went on with life as usual when it was over. :)

For some reason though, I felt compelled to go last fall...so I went (with a song about a baby). And, for reasons you will hear in the song below, the judges said it wasn't commercially viable because of the topic so the song didn't even place (along with I'm sure other reasons as well because lets face it this was my first competition ever and I've never actually had real songwriters review my songs lol) but I was medium sad although I understood the critiques. However, there were also critiquing sessions where you can submit one other song for review outside of the competition portion and a publisher in that room felt that song had much more potential from a radio standpoint. Long story short...they put me in touch with a mentor in Nashville who offered songwriting mentorships...and so I entered that competition...and I WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

So, that brings me to my original point...we spent a good portion of last month with Corban at the hospital. At one point, his hematologist suspected he had leukemia and while thankfully his results showed no sign of cancer, those days felt like years while we were waiting and me and Dave couldn't help but hurt for other families in that position who may be getting different news than we were. But the truth is while my sweet, chubby bundle of joy looks so healthy, he just isn't for reasons only God knows at this point. But, while all this was going on, the flip side was the fact that I was beginning a songwriting journey I only dreamed about my whole life...deadlines, and critiques and chances to really be published someday. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

So, as I tried to sleep on that cold, uncomfy hospital chair/bed thing each night I couldn't help but wonder if God was using these moments to inspire more empathy for others in my songs and if I wasn't able to find deeper places in my heart to write from?

So, for the first time ever on this blog, I'm going to share the song I submitted to the competition. My assignment was to post a song on you tube...just put myself out there because I never had before. So, there are a few disclaimers to this song...

1) I am not trying to take a political stance or hurt anyone. I am simply asking mom's everywhere to think twice before they choose. I know God made every life with a purpose and for a reason and that is something I am very passionate about.

2) I wrote this song because I was sitting at the piano thinking about how sad this situation made me and I wasn't sure what angle to write from when I felt like God spoke these words to my heart..."The world cannot be certain there were no cures for cancer because of abortion."

WOAH

I'd never thought of that....So, my thoughts just went from there....what about the babies called to be soldiars and save other's lives...the teachers who would change the world one child at a time..

This video looks kindof like it was from 1990 but it was the first time I had ever made one so I did my best within the 43 minutes Corban was sleeping.:) I know after the competition there were also things I needed to fix but I didn't exactly have a piano or microphone on the 4th floor at Children's hospital so you get it in all it's "originalness" lol.Hopefully, at some point, somewhere or sometime a little baby gets a chance at life because of it. I pray so. This is my song..."Please Wait."

Again, my intention is never to hurt anyone...I just want girls to think twice about such an important, life changing....perhaps world changing decision.