2/23/05

What can one really say in a public journal about the "S" word. It's invigorating. It actually releases endorphins in your brain that can result in an indescribable high. It's always there but you can't always have it. Any guesses? Sometimes the addiction is so strong the urge to taste of it leads one to do things they might later regret. The memory of it fades almost instantly. Ah hah! I caught you heading down the 3-letter "S" word road. Ooops!! My bad, it does have 3 letters. Alas, my friend, the S-word I speak of is far greater! There are diseases that lay their blame on the fact that we don't get enough of it. One can develop certain types of fevers and mood swings from a lack of this S-word. In fact, we would literally die without it. (Yes, it's true. I know because my cabin fever was at a very dangerous level just a few short hours ago) So you can imagine my relief and excitement this morning when I arose early (I didn't even have to set the alarm, Kate) and tasted of the S U N
Hallelujah, I'm walking on sunshine!
Post Script: Sometimes I think the mental bandwagon drove by while I was napping.

GOOD RIDDANCE February
Ever had that last party guest that doesn't know when to go home? It's name is winter. Last night it felt like we had sub-zero temperatures. In the living room. I find some solace in flipping the calendar page and for those of you that don't know me well, I had a baby on March 3, 1983 and it was 70 degrees. Ok, then bring it! My schedule for the next 3 weeks is crazy. More later! There is life on Mars Hill!

2/22/05

It's obvious there should be no white boys in the American Idol top 12 contestants
Jake and Christie stopped by, and we have yet to hear of her "Youth with a Mission" adventures.
Vote early and vote often....it's all about the kids, not the almighty dollar.
Two cars in the shop cannot be good for my mental health.
Aunt Normie was one of my 32 eccentric aunts and uncles, but she also wins in my favorite category. Until we meet again.
I want to read Fear and Loathing
While the Cat's away, the mice are doing all the work.
Every aspect of the theatre is growing on me
Mark has pulled yet one more relative from the brink of dell destruction over to the wonderful world of Apple. Congratulations John.
We've rented a motor home for August 19 ~ September 9. I pray any video footage we collect never ends up in a movie starring Chevy Chase.

2/18/05

Allegros present the Broadway musical "Working" March 17, 18, & 19, 2005. A song and dance revue about the everyday working person from architects to the UPS guy, featuring the incomprehensible talents of several well known area artists. You'll be kickin' yourself to the curb if you let this one pass you by.
Don't miss it.

2/12/05

Mark sure doesn't have much family left but what he does have affects him in the most positive ways. Paul and Teresa are like the perfect relatives. They never wear out their welcome. They are filled with nothing but prejudice opinions when it comes to our kids, and our parenting skills. Paul has thankfully released me of my role as sports sounding board and I have never, for a moment, regretted the intrusion.

In all areas of their lives, Paul and Teresa have remained faithful, constant, dependable and trustworthy. Their road has not always been without it's hardships, but they have weathered the storm and we have all been the recipients of their infectious personalities, undeserved affection, and constant prayers. In a way, Paul has given Mark the praise, adoration, consideration, and attention that one usually receives from a father.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Carpe diem.

Ariel, what a gift you were that cold Valentine's week-end when you arrived via your birth-mom and landed in what surely was the family that god handpicked just for you. We all would have a gaping Ariel sized hole in hearts if you weren't a part of our lives today. Please don't ever stop being you. You are creative, funny, talented, innovative, and original. Happy birthday, god bless you, and give your crazy 'ole aunt a call once in a while.

2/11/05

I don't know. Sometimes I want to burst at the seams with pride and joy in the spectacular job I have done as a parent.

That's me being facetious, then I put myself in some sort of reality check hold, and I realize, I've failed miserably in lots of areas.

Actually when I look at their accomplishments and personalities, it doesn't have much to do with my parenting skills, and everything to do with their disposition, character, and creator.

So let me just beat up on myself for a blog or two. I'm not looking for a response, a pat on the back, or even a reprimand. Just an emo 50-ish, retrospective of how I would change things if I could do it all over.

My biggest regret...and I'm not sure you can even teach this....it's actually something you have to learn as you go through life's experiences, is that I feel I've neglected to show them how to be a good friend, how to communicate true feelings, and most importantly how to find love and acceptance inside themselves.

So now as I watch them go through some of life's constant problems, I WANT to interfere and FIX it all for them. "Ooops, sweetie, I forgot to teach you how to set boundaries, here let me build a retaining wall for you now. Uh-o, I didn't give you any steps for dealing with confrontations, do you need me to bitch slap anyone?. My bad, I totally skipped the appointment on communication skills, why don't you start a blog?"

But I can't interfere, I can't and I won't, mainly because I haven't figured it all out myself yet. If I had, you can bet I would meddle.

Anywho, this probably should remain a draft, but it won't. Besides who would read this if I just wrote, "Today I went to work, it was not fun. Then I came home and stuffed my face out of frustration. Then I got sick. Then I fell asleep on the couch in front of a mindless TV show. But it's the end of the week, so TGIF, BFF, TTYL, and just for the heck of it LOL."

I don't know. Sometimes I want to burst at the seams with pride and joy in the spectacular job I have done as a parent. That's me being facetious, then I put myself in some sort of reality check hold, and I realize, I've failed miserably in lots of areas. Actually when I look at their accomplishments and personalities, it doesn't have much to do with my parenting skills, and everything to do with their disposition, character, and creator. So let me just beat up on myself for a blog or two. I'm not looking for a response, a pat on the back, or even a reprimand. Just an emo 50-ish, retrospective of how I would change things if I could do it all over. My biggest regret...and I'm not sure you can even teach this....it's actually something you have to learn as you go through life's experiences, is that I feel I've neglected to show them how to be a good friend, how to communicate true feelings, and most importantly how to find love and acceptance inside themselves. So now as I watch them go through some of life's constant problems, I WANT to interfere and FIX it all for them. "Ooops, sweetie, I forgot to teach you how to set boundaries, here let me build a retaining wall for you now. Uh-o, I didn't give you any steps for dealing with confrontations, do you need me to bitch slap anyone?. My bad, I totally skipped the appointment on communication skills, why don't you start a blog?" But I can't interfere, I can't and I won't, mainly because I haven't figured it all out myself yet. If I had, you can bet I would meddle. Anywho, this probably should remain a draft, but it won't. Besides who would read this if I just wrote, "Today I went to work, it was not fun. Then I came home and stuffed my face out of frustration. Then I got sick. Then I fell asleep on the couch in front of a mindless TV show. But it's the end of the week, so TGIF, BFF, TTYL, and just for the heck of it LOL." Tomorrow I must teach Melissa how to cook.

2/10/05

I promised myself that I would never use my blog to preach. I lied, of course, and now I speak in vague generalities. There comes a time in everyone's life when ya need to just take the plunge and fall in love with yourself AND YOUR LIFE. Not a narcissistic, prideful type of love, but a healthy, I-am-me-I-may-not-be-where-I'm-going-yet-but-I-am-growning-learning-and-loving-on-the-journey kind of love affair. One thermometer you can use to determine if you're on track to land at the happy place is; others in your life that are on the same trip. Don't. Look inward. The real test is do you like you. Do you like your job? Do you like what you do in your spare time? Do you like who you spend time with? Do you like you? When you honestly answer these questions and you come up with more no's than yes's, I would say it's time to change things up a bit. Funny thing is, though, the answers are not necessarily... get a new job, quit watching your favorite TV show, or even placing a personal ad for new friends. (Although some of those things might happen as you concentrate on the last question.) Do you like you, at the end of the day? Here's the key....and "your welcome" in advance because I know you'll all be eternally grateful that I cared enough to confront....GET A GRIP. And by that I mean, GROW UP, and by that I mean GET A LIFE, and by that I mean GROW A BACKBONE. And by all that I mean....switch jobs, start a new favorite pastime, go to school, don't go to school, screen your calls, don't worry so much about what people think, set boundaries, reclaim your space, and for heaven's sake before I have to go "Dr. Phil" on your ass, quit whining about what you don't like in your life and start living. Today would be good.

2/6/05

If I journaled everything here that has gone through my head this week-end, well you would need a second cup of coffee. Hang on, I'll be right back. I have to dye my hair. I updated my memoirs if you want something to read while I'm gone.

You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:32

I can’t quite remember, but it must have been winter in the mid 1980’s when I first heard of Springhill Camps. The buzz around church was that the minute you got your registration flyer in the mail and had picked out your child’s roommate...you better mail it in pronto if you wanted a spot for summer camp at Springhill.
Hmmmm let me think. A week without my precious, little, energetic, adventurous, sister-pestering, exasperating son. Sign him up.
And so when summer rolled around that year I carefully packed 5 pairs of underwear, 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of shorts, jeans, sweatshirt, lots of socks, and 2 pairs of shoes, one of which could get wet.
Off we went to Springhill Camps. After subtracting my $20. deposit, my balance at the registration table was $49.
We sheepishly shook the counselors hands and tried not to leave prematurely. That week I prayed for them (the counselors) diligently. I wondered constantly how he (Benjamin) was doing. Was he cold at night? Was he showing respect to his counselors? Was he making new friends? Would there be any God seeds that fell on his fertile young mind soil?
I was resigned to the fact that if Ben came home with a positive experience we would happily become a summer camp fan family.
And so the day finally arrived (I actually kinda missed the little bugger) for me to pick him up. He came bounding up the hill from the pond behind the white house. In his hands was a gigundrus frog that he proudly poked in my face. He was dressed in the same clothes that we had dropped him off in 5 & 1/2 days earlier. After he introduced me to his new pet, he passed him (the frog) off to a friend and suddenly burst into the most horrified breath gasping cry I’d ever heard. The frog and friend backed off to find their parents as Ben fell weeping into my arms.
“I....don’t....gasp....arghh...cough...don’t...gasp...”
This is it. My mind raced ahead. I guess we will not be sending springhill any more campers, volunteers, TST’ers, counselors, summer or resident staff.
I try to comfort through the muffled gasps for air, “I don’t ever...gasp...gasp...cough...gasp...
Whoa! They better not have hurt my open minded, creative thinking, mind of his own, son’s feelings. Cuz, yeah I’d just as soon save the $69 a week once a summer if that’s the case.
“....ever....want to....gasp...cough...gasp....to go...gasp...

...home!”

For one short instant, before my heart began to overflow with a special springhill size gush of gratefulness, I thought that’s a fine how do yo do to any affectionate mother’s heart.
He liked it..he really really liked it. We were hooked...in 5 short days we had become a springhill fan family.

20 years later on a very cold 2006 February weekend, during a Senior High retreat,we would finally come full circle at Springhill Camps.

It is amazing to see what God can do with a spirit that is totally sold out and emerged in Him.

Those brief 36 hours of my life spent on the 44th latitude will forever justify in my mind that; “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it,” is not only God’s truth, but God’s promise.

If you’ve never been...my strong suggestion is to get there. I don’t care how you get there, just get there if you can. There is a handsome, hard working, unselfish activities (could be running the whole camp) director that would certainly be able to give you a couple of volunteer weekend jobs. Ask for Tony. There’s a program director who is writing, performing, and making productions that are cutting edge, thought provoking and creative and could use a good editor, producer, and/or writing companion. Ask for Ben. There are retreats available with every kind of family combinations you can think of. There are John Deere tractors to drive and pictures to be taken. There’s tiny little camps, medium sized camps, and great big camps. I’m sure you could find one that is just your size.

I wish everyone could see and have their “What If?” questions answered. No wonder, my little 7 year old son came falling into my arms and crying that he didn’t want to go home. He was home.

2/4/05

Matthew 16: 15 - He said to them (his disciples) "Who do you say that I am?" and Peter answered and said, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."
John 14:6 ~ Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through me."

I have been struggling, oh let's say for most of my life, with organized religion. What if the Catholics have it all "right" and you can't actually make it past purgatory unless you jump through all their hoops? What if the "big bang" was how it all got started....although evolution offers me nothing as far as a savior, a relationship, or even the "do good" theory. What if the Jehovah's Witnesses have the truth and only 144,000, wearing a white shirt and black tie, are going to literally die happy? I wasn't baptized until I was a teenager. What if I would have died before that? None of my kids have been baptized. Oooops. That's not even to mention the wackos, the extremists, the Methodists, the Buddhists, the Baptists, the Jews, or the Muslims. But the good news is Sunday night I got "saved." Saved from all my questions. Saved from my doubts as of late. Saved from the cult of christianity that judges others and therefore they themselves have the nastiest of labels stamped on them. Saved from the hierarchy of it all from the Pope to Jerry Falwell. In the gutted Grand Village Mall, seated in a circle along with 2500 or so others, I heard the simplest, aimed-straight-at-me-more-of-a-story-rather-than-a-sermon message. The simplicity was striking. I was created in the image of God and therefore I have a god vacuum in me. So when I see a beautiful sunset and it moves my heart, that's me filling a little bit of my hole with the designer God. When I hold a baby, or I am filled with a sense of pride and joy through my children, that's me filling the gap created by the father God. When I ache at the sight of a starving child or even a stray puppy that's the sign he's a loving God. And the second part of the good news is that God is an all-knowing God that knew ahead of time what good 'ole Adam and Eve would do in the garden. And so he lovingly, compassionately, sent his son Jesus to fill the void that is in all of us. Now a ton of religions and individuals, including me, have spent a lot of precious time, money, and sanity trying to shut out the voices that are really just the vacuum crying out to be filled. I’m actually too embarrassed to fill in the blanks. “I spend most of my time____________, I spend more than enough money on_____________, or, I spend a lot of time thinking about____________." Jesus is the square peg that fits in the round hole. Nothing more nothing less. The Jesus of the Bible is an historic character that I don't believe any of the above mentioned religions would deny actually walked the face of the earth. It's what I "do" with him that matters. I have to believe one of two things about him. Either he was who he said he was. Or he was the worlds best actor, imitator, liar, and master of disguise that ever lived.

2/2/05

What do the Iraqi people and Meghan W. have in common? Well, not a whole heck of a lot, but I thought they both deserved to be mentioned and congratulated. Meghan on student of the month and all around the best thing that ever happened to Melissa in her school career. And good for you Iraqi's....you came.... you voted.... you conquered! Let freedom ring.