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BookEnds Literary Agency represents commercial fiction and nonfiction for readers of all ages and in this space we hope to provide advice and inspiration for writers. Our goal is to teach, enlighten and build a community for writers, agents and editors.

Monday, August 08, 2011

Publishing Logic 101

You say in your query, "all published books today are crap."

I represent a number of published books.

Therefore you are telling me that I only represent crap.

So, if you want me to represent your book for publication, your book must be crap.

Someone really said this in a query? What kind of misguided arrogance is that? For a start, I doubt very much the person has read *every* published book. Second, if they're all "crap," then by what standard of excellence does he rate his/her own work, since, in his mind, there isn't a book that rises above "crap" with which to compare his/her own?

I'm just glad I'm not an agent. I would go looney dealing with this every day!

Ran into one of these on a writing forum recently--who was honestly quite clueless as to why this approach would offend just about everybody in the publishing process. He was attempting to stand out by an--er--confident approach; and has since been advised of his mistake. At length.

I think if I were an agent, I'd be tempted to set up some email macros that sort my queries based on certain key phrases. Anything with the word "crap" could go straight to the trashbox. Oh, and "fiction novel" and "better than Harry Potter" and, ooh, the possibilities are endless!

Unfortunately, you'd be surprised how many of these people are dead serious. Most of the time it's because they don't know the business, but many do, in fact, think their claims are true. Others, like the misguided soul I mentioned above, think that "outrageous" translates to "confident."

That just doesn't make sense to do that! Why would anyone kill any chance they have? That's like walking into a job interview for say MGM and saying that MGM only puts out crap, Disney is better. That will not get you a job and it makes you look fairly ridiculous.

This reminds me of an episode of Project Runway when a designer said he had no use for fashion design schools. Tim Gunn is on the faculty at one and said something to the effect of, "So you're telling me that my work as a teacher and my expertise in the industry is meaningless?" I think they cut him in the first round.

I was carousing - I mean, browsing - another site where an author confidently stated that "we all know publishers aren't interested in publishing or promoting good books."

Yes, because even though they could do so, they'd rather publish stuff that people don't like.

I'm a writer. I write stuff. Sometimes my stuff is good.

But really, if a publisher wants to buy it, it has to be good for their business. Not because I'm wonderful & think my writing is wonderful.

You might have written what you & your friends all agree is the next Harry Potter, but your writing is tangled, your plot has gone on a long vacation, and your characters come with their own scissors for easy removal from the cardboard easel they're drawn on. Or, your writing might be apples of gold in frames of silver, writing the ages have longed to see, writing that leaps the restrictions of logic and grammar to deliver truth.

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

The publisher wants to make money. If your stuff doesn't fit their needs, they will pass.

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About BookEnds

BookEnds is a literary agency that believes in the power of a book. We represent authors who write primarily commercial fiction and nonfiction for adult and young adult audiences. Our agents include Jessica Faust, Kim Lionetti, Jessica Alvarez, and Beth Campbell.