SUMTER, SC—Having been convinced of his inherent sinfulness and convicted of his need for a savior, local imminent convert Bob Hastings nonetheless waited for an extra chorus of “Softly And Tenderly” Sunday just to make the pastor sweat it out a little bit, according to eyewitnesses.

“I just know there’s one more out there,” Pastor Wes intoned quietly, beads of sweat forming on his forehead as the guitarist quietly picked out a chord progression in a holding pattern. “Why don’t we run ‘Softly And Tenderly’ one more time, just in case? Anyone? I know you’re out there.” But Hastings wasn’t about to be taken in that easily.

“I didn’t want it to go to his head if I turned myself in after just a few choruses, you know?” Hastings told reporters. “So I was just playing hard-to-get a little bit, just to watch him squirm.” Finally, as the pastor was just about to wrap things up, Hastings begrudgingly stood up and came to the front, prompting a visible sigh of relief from the pastor.

“I just knew there was one more out there,” the pastor said after the service. “I’m rarely wrong about these things. But that’s classic Bob for ya, not making it easy on us. He’s done this three times now.”

Readers of the Bee,

If you value The Babylon Bee and want to see us prevail against Snopes and anyone else who might seek to discredit or deplatform us, please consider becoming a subscriber. Your support really will make a difference.