Huff Po – A Broward County judge has ordered a husband to take his wife out on a date and buy her flowers — a strangely gentle ruling for a domestic abuse charge. According to an arrest affidavit cited by NBC Miami, Joseph Bray, 47, and his wife Sonja got into a fight after Bray neglected to wish her a happy birthday. Sonja told police he shoved her and grabbed her neck at their Plantation residence. At the Tuesday hearing, Judge John Hurley asked the wife about her preferences for a night out on the town and sentenced the husband accordingly. According to the Sun Sentinel, he ordered Bray to “flowers, birthday card, Red Lobster, bowling.” He also requested that the Brays start seeing a marriage counselor.

Boy did this chick drop the ball. Misses out on her birthday and gets choked out by her husband and the judge awards her some Endless Shrimp and 10 frames at the local bowling alley? I bet Joey Bray was like “Sold! where the fuck do I sign!” I mean when some judge is about to side with you in a domestic violence dispute and he asks you your preferences you shoot for the goddam moon. I’d tell him I want steak, lobster, wine, dessert, a night cap at the strip club and oral sex until I fall asleep. Not fucking Red Lobster and bowling. Might as well tell him Sizzler and some lasertag or something.

On another note, I wonder how many dudes out there spent a night in the clink and were sentenced to like community service and probation for choking their wives who are thinking about how much they’d fuckin love to go to Red Lobster and toss some stones afterwards. Thats sounds like a fuckin blast not a punishment. Actually come to think of it I’d probably revise my preferences to the judge to still include bowling. Bowling is fuckin awesome.