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Monday, October 29, 2012

Remember when you were a kid and you'd get the day off school because of a snowstorm or a hurricane or something and you'd get all excited about the possibilities of how awesome your day is gonna be? Do you know why kids all excited like that?

BECAUSE THEIR MEMORIES AREN'T FULLY DEVELOPED ENOUGH TO REMEMBER THE LAST TIME THEY GOT TRAPPED IN THE HOUSE WITH THEIR FAMILY!!

Yesterday, when we learned that we'd be off from school and work because of Hurricane Sandy, there was excitement and jumping up and down and squeals of delight. Now that we've been homebound for a full 24 hours (and the wind and rain are just starting to really whip up - oh goody!!), everybody is bored and grumpy. If the weatherman is right, it's gonna be another 24 hours before it's safe to venture out again. By then, all four humans in my house will each be curled into a ball, rocking back and forth, rubbing our fingers across our lips making that "bulba-beelba-bulba-beelba" noise that lets people know that you have seriously lost your shit.

We've been encouraging the chi'drens to make use of the electronics in the house before the power goes out. They have finally agreed on which game to play on the Wii... and now they're fighting over who is going to win. Miracle Man and I have communicated mostly through clenched teeth for most of the day, and the dog is barking so much you'd think cat-shaped aliens were breaking into the house to steal her food.

The only two beings who are actually calm today are the cats. It's weird, because they've been going nuts the last couple of days. Now that the storm is finally here, they're all like "Yawn. Wind. Rain. Whatevs. Zzzzzzz."

These aren't my cats, but you get the idea.

Since we live near the Chesapeake Bay we keep getting phone calls from concerned family members to let us know we're crazy to still be here. Since we're at least a mile back and uphill from the shoreline, we're fairly sure that it would take a Category Eleventy Million hurricane to put us within reach of the storm surge. Sandy is big, but she's not that bad.

Rest assured, dear reader. We are in far more danger of losing our marbles to cabin fever than of losing our house to this storm. We are prepared for the imminent power outage. We're not entirely happy about all this Frankenstorm crap, but we are safe. May you stay safe wherever you are, too. If you can also manage to stay sane, more power to ya.

Friday, October 12, 2012

One of the general rules of polite society is that you don’t discuss religion or politics at the dinner table. In my family of origin, this rule goes straight out the window whenever we get together. I come from a tribe of peoples who enjoy a rousing conversation as a family meal winds down. Our tribal leaders are both retirees who make full use of their cable news outlets of choice – “Lamestream” media for Dear Mama and “Faux News” for Good Ol’ Pops. (Note my attempt to stay neutral…) And when I say they make good use of these networks, I mean they take in enough of the day’s news to emulate the pundits who exist solely to stir the pot. In the morning, they give each other a good pummeling over yesterday’s news while sipping their morning coffee. When they’re not otherwise occupied throughout the day, they stockpile ammunition for the next day’s coffee talk by watching their favorite news programs. They haven’t killed each other yet, so it seems their routine is working for them.