Abby: Harassed worker won't make waves in tough job market

DEAR ABBY

Published 5:30 am, Sunday, September 12, 2010

I work six days a week at a minimum-wage job. My boss is constantly finding reasons to hug or touch me. Last week he even tried to kiss me. I left work that night feeling violated and upset.

It's really hard to find jobs right now. I can't afford to quit or get fired. What do I do to get this man to leave me alone and still keep my job? Please help!

GROSSED OUTin Texas

Dear Grossed Out:

Tell the man you don't like what he's doing and to stop it. If he doesn't, be sure that every incident is documented, including date and time. If the company has a sexual harassment policy, you should follow it or go to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) or equivalent state agency office nearest you and file a claim. Your job will be protected during the investigation that will follow.

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My family and I recently spent time with my parents at their home in another state. After we returned, my 10-year-old son and his 14-year-old sister told me they don't like going to visit them. My mom loves us, but she is a negative and depressed person. She doesn't love Dad and doesn't bother to disguise that fact.

I mentioned this to a friend and she said I should tell my mother what my son said. She thinks it could make Mom "see the light" and change for the better. Considering my mother's depressed state, should I tell her?

UNDECIDEDin Michigan

Dear Undecided:

Perhaps. But if you do, be diplomatic. You might begin by telling her you could see how "down" she was when you all came to visit, and that she could get so much more out of life if she sought professional help for her depression — specifically some sessions with a licensed counselor. You could also mention that, while your father may not be her favorite person - it would be better if it was not so obvious to the grandchildren, because they sensed the tension and mentioned it when they returned home.

If you broach the subject lovingly, she might listen and take steps to help herself. One thing is certain - if you say nothing, nothing will change.