Marriage Just Isn’t Valued Anymore!

I can’t speak for everyone but a lot of young girls have a dream to one day meet a wonderful man, get married, and have a baby. To live the all American dream, and have a family and live a wonderful life. For me, I’ve always said that I was born to be a mom, have a husband, and have a happy little family. This is all I’ve ever wanted. Mind you, I’m only 26 years old and I know that I have A LOT of time in my life to make all of that happen, but I that I was blessed enough to already be on the path to my dream. If you follow my page and read any of my blogs, I’m sure that you know that I am currently engaged to a man that I’ve been with for over 5 years now, and I can honestly say that I love this man with every little piece of my heart. As we grow up and continue on this road called “Life”, we all find out that it’s not always all smile and happiness.

About a year ago my fiance and I were going through a really tough time. I felt like we had drifted apart and there just wasn’t a spark anymore. I met a guy and had started to communicate with him, but I want to make it clear that I never crossed the line of cheating on my fiance, who was only my boyfriend at that time. It was nice to have someone to actually paid attention to me and enjoyed talking to me. I admit that I was attracted to him and I was curious if I would have been happier with him sense we had seemed to really click right away. One night I had stepped outside of my apartment and went to send him a message on Facebook, but little did I know that my boyfriend at the time was watching me through the window the entire time. He was able to see the screen on my phone and knew that I was messaging another man. Of course, he got very upset and called me out on it right away. Everything blew up. All the anger that we both had for such a long time had finally come out in that moment and it got to the point where it was best if I just left. So, I packed up all of the things that i absolutely needed and got into my car and left. I want to make it clear though that I completely understand that I was in the wrong for even talking to another man while I was still committed in a relationship. I know that if I was that unhappy that I should have just left instead of doing something that was not right. I wont sit here and make up excuses or anything else. Anyways, after I left I did start seeing this other guy a lot. It was the first time in a long time that I was able to smile and actually really feel like someone really did care about me. I was extremely happy. Love make you do stupid things, and I’ll admit that even though I had this new guy in my life that made me enjoy life again, I couldn’t help but to feel bad and hurt about what I had done to my boyfriend. I know that I hurt him, we had been together for 4 years. How could I leave him, move out, and days later have another man in my life? It was a terrible thing to do and I take full responsibility for that.

My, then ex-boyfriend, found out about my new boyfriend and he was very very angry! He started calling me and texting me cussing me out and asking me how I could do this to him. He would tell me how I could just up and leave and what was he going to tell my stepsons? After a few weeks, the guy I was seeing ended up in jail and I know that my ex was the one who had him put there, even though I can’t prove it. The day my new boyfriend was taken to jail my ex showed up at my door step. He was telling me that he forgave me for what I had done and that he wanted to change. He told me that he was going to start going to church and would start showing me how much I really meant to him and that he didn’t want to lose me. I was so mad at him at this point that I really didn’t want to even hear his voice. Some time goes by and he is still trying really hard to get me back. One night he calls me and asks if I would just go for a ride with him so we could talk. I decided I’d go and listen to what he had to say. We drove around for over an hour talking about everything and how we both felt. Everything I hated about our relationship, he said he would change and I would never have to feel alone or unwanted again. I didn’t just give in and get back with him, but I did open up to giving him a chance to show me some change. I broke it off with my boyfriend who was in jail still at this point and told him that I needed to figure out what I really wanted, for me. Of course he was upset and hurt but he at the time understood. My fiance and I have been through so much over those 4 years. I mean, he was the one who was by my side day and night when my dad died and so much more. After a few weeks of him coming over and just spending time with me, not staying the night or anything, but just spending time, I really did see change. Finally, I went back home and we decided to work everything out and rebuild our relationship.

On December 31, 2016, right at midnight, my then boyfriend proposed to me and asked if I would spend the rest of my life with him. I love this man so very much, so I said yes. That was the happiest moment of my entire life. In my heart I thought that we were on the right path and would finally have everything that I had dreamed of sense I was a little girl. Little did I know that the mistake I had made almost a year ago was going to come back and bite me in the ass. Now, please anyone out there, correct me if i’m wrong but I thought that if a couple decided to work shit out, then that means that everything in the past was going to put behind them and they are suppose to work on making their lives better for each other??? People say that if a woman has a suspicion that her man is cheating, then there’s probably a 99% chance that he really is. I want it to be said that I have honestly been trying very hard to show my fiance how much he means to me and how much I truly love him. Just so he wouldn’t have to ever worry or think that I could be talking to another man I offered to give him every password I have to every social media account I have. I even gave him the pin code to my phone, so he could look through it at any point if he felt the need to. In my eyes, its only right for me to offer to give him all that information sense I had put him in a position to have to wonder what I was doing in the past. Lately I have had this feeling that there was something going on with him. Never in our relationship has he had to go back to work every single night of the week. All of a sudden he is needing to go back to work to fix “whatever”, and is gone for a good amount of time. So, I decided to ask him for the password to our Sprint account, I wanted to look at his call log and his text log. He didn’t want to give it to me. A couple days later I was cleaning and putting away laundry, and I found this book in his sock drawer. Of course I went through it and I found the passwords to every account he has set up, including his Facebook and the Sprint account. I got on the Sprint account and saw all these numbers he was texting with and some that he was on the phone with. One number I recognized because it was his ex’s number who use to work with him. I asked him about it and he denied it at first but then told me that she was working with him again and she was only calling and texting him for work purposes. He did show me proof that it was only work related, so I let it go. Still though, things aren’t feeling right and I just feel like there is something up. Last night I finally broke down and logged into his Facebook. Going through his messages I came across a message from a woman that he started talking to back when I had left him. She was flirting with him and of course he was talking bad about me and our relationship. All that I can understand because we were broken up and not together, but what pissed me off is the conversation they had been having continued all the way up until April of this year. The conversation ended in April because she had given him her number and he gave her his number. Which just so happens to be the other number I remember seeing on our Sprint account that he was always texting and calling with. He would send this woman a Good Morning message all the time and asked if she wanted to go have drinks with him after his son left. Me being his fiance, I NEVER get a good morning text after he has already left for work. I’m lucky to get an I love you now a days, but yet he has asked me to spend the rest of my life with him?

I confronted him with what I found tonight, and of course he is acting like he doesn’t know what I”m talking about. The only thing he could say to me is “The only cheater here is you, don’t you remember being with Anthony?”(Anthony is the guy I had left him for) I’m now stuck in this place where I don’t know what to believe or think. I don’t even know what to do. I feel like everything I have done to try and show my fiance how much I really do love him and how sorry I am for making such a huge mistake a long time ago is all for nothing. Does he deserve to do this to me sense I did it to him almost a year ago? I don’t even know how to fix this or how to get him to really talk to me about this. The obvious thing to do is to pack up my shit again and leave him, but I’m engaged to this man. A lot of people now a days looks at marriage as just a piece of paper, but I’m not like that. When he asked me to marry him I took it to hear and I look at it like a promise before God. I’m so torn and so hurt. I don’t have a lot of friends and I don’t really talk to my family, but I could really use some advice about all of this. I’m looking for anyone to leave their input for me. I think we all have been in a situation where we’ve been heart broken and we don’t really know what to do. I look down at the ring placed on my left hand that was given to me by the man i’m madly in love with and now i’m left wondering if it really even means anything. Why does love have to be so hard and difficult? I wish people would go back to really valuing marriage again and realize that you are making a promise before God. Don’t ask someone to be you wife, life partner, or whatever just because. Ask them because you know in your heart that you couldn’t live without them and you know that they are truly your other half!