Kourtney and Kim Take New York: The Breakdown of Kim and Kris' Marriage

If you, unlike me, were devastated when Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries got a divorce and thought that their show Kourtney and Kim Take New York would be the last place you could see these lovebirds at their best, you thought wrong.

Last night’s premiere of Kourtney and Kim should really have been re-titled “Everybody hates Kris” but that’s already another show.

The episode opens with the announcement of the divorce, with images of tabloid covers and gossip magazines spreading the news of their break-up. It was like Newsies, for the celebrity gossip era. Then they flashed-backwards 8 weeks in a “What Went Wrong” kind-of-way to prove that Kim and Kris suck at being married.

Here are the highlights from last night’s episode that “prove” Kim and Kris were heading to divorce court.

Kris is a slob and Kim is not:
Kris can’t stand that Kim is a neat freak, so he acts out like a 10-year-old. “She put stuff in the closet…and I threw it on the floor. Just to make a statement.” Kim responds to this, “I can’t live with Kris! He’s just like, such a slob. I’m not used to anyone in my space, let alone in my space and messing it all up.”

Kris doesn’t care about Kim’s “career”:
Kris couldn’t care less about partying professionally and making nice for paparazzi cameras. He says, “Baby, by the time you have kids, no one will probably care about you.” Also, on their way to Kim and Kris’s “Welcome to New York” party Kris says, “You care about that. I don’t give a f-ck.”

Kris doesn’t “feel married”:
After moving in together in NY with Kourtney, Scott and Mason, Kris says, “This is so different. I really don’t even feel married right now.” Not feeling married is just a pitstop on the way to not being married.

Kris moves to Minnesota:
Kris complains that he can’t train for basketball in NY. “Everything in New York is screwing me up. I don’t feel like I’m in my training element.” So he decides to move back to Minnesota to train, because apparently basketballs are different in the Midwest, I dunno. So Kim stresses out, “We’re gonna live separate? Like a long-distance marriage?”

If you believe that these are the moments that caused their short-lived marriage to crumble, Kim says that watching the raw footage from the show was what made her realize she needed to divorce Kris.

A source told Page Six, "It was hard for Kim to watch all the footage. She has been unable to review it without bursting into tears ... [She was] absolutely mortified when she saw on camera the way that Kris was treating her. The marriage was already under a tremendous amount of stress, but she just couldn't believe that she had married this man that was treating her and her family like this."

Now that she’s properly mortified and cashing in on forced to endure more episodes of Kourtney and Kim she wants to edit the episodes to make Kris look like the bad guy and rehabilitate her own image.

“Kim carefully and methodically plans all of her business decisions, and that is how she is looking at her divorce, as all business,” says the source.