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Reflecting and Remembering...

September 26, 2010

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 52 today. I have passing moments of sadness but overall I am okay. It's been a little over 3 months. This has been a LONG 3 months.

My brother and my dad went to her grave this afternoon and placed fresh flowers there. I.....well I was 100 miles away. No literally. I got the hell out of town. I'm not really ready to go back to the cemetery. I just don't feel like she's even there. If I talk to the ground, she's not gonna talk back to me. So I don't feel like I should force myself to go. They don't understand me and they think I'm being selfish. But I have to place my feelings first. I have comforted others to no end....but I don't feel like that's being returned. So I gotta take care of me.

My mom wouldn't have wanted us to sit around and be sad. And I didn't forget (...as folks would like to believe). I choose to remember her in happy ways. I think about her all the time....and I miss her. More than anybody knows. Happy birthday, Mama!
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