Saturday, 28 January 2012

Social Life in Valley's End

Helleborus opening

With January nearly over and the days ever so slowly brightening, social life in Valley's End is revving up a notch. On a sunny day like today people stop in the street for a chat, others call out greetings and remarks about the weather to each other across the roadway; January is dreary and dark, and nobody feels much like entertaining. Perhaps the bright social whirl that is December has also depleted energy reserves and we all use the silence of January to recover. Invitations issued now are tentative rather than full-steam-ahead, "come and have a coffee", "come to afternoon tea", or "come to Sunday lunch"; it's almost as if we have had enough of solitude and would like to try and find out what it feels like to be sociable again.

The events themselves are more like practice runs than confident performances; one elderly couple treated us to a wonderful display of bickering. Being the only guests, we took full advantage and listened avidly, not even pretending that we were occupied admiring the furnishings, paintings or other absent-minded distractions employed by the well-mannered guest. "Where is the salt?" "Why would you want salt, the food is already salted". "I like salt with my food. Anyway, you should always put it on the table". "I used it to cook, I can't remember where I left it". There was the vinaigrette, which was not added to the salad starter, but served by the side, also a cause for lengthy regret. Or a book needed to be fetched to illustrate a point about a play nobody had heard of. "Why would you need to do this now, the food is getting cold." The question of coffee arose before the pudding arrived at the table. "Do we have any decaf?" "Of course, we do, it's in the larder". An exhaustive hunt for decaf coffee remained unsuccessful. "Why didn't you get some?" " I meant to but it slipped my mind". You really need to write things down, you know". "Why didn't you get it when you went to the shop?" "Could you try this drink?" handing me a bottle. "I think it might be a dessert wine, somebody gave it to us, I can't remember who". I tried it."This is grappa, not dessert wine". Oh, that'll be lovely with coffee. Would anyone like some apple pie?" "How about the cheese, we still haven't finished the red."

This is a couple who entertain frequently and elegantly.

Then there was the "come for coffee" invitation. Lorna's house was freezing. She was wearing several layers of winter woollies, fingerless mittens and fur-lined boots. Indoors. "Hasn't it turned warm", she said. The wood burner threw out a feeble heat, having been fed very reluctantly. We nodded politely. When the one log in the burner was reduced to no more than an ashen shadow of its former self, she asked again "Is anybody else really hot?" before selecting another log. Nobody answered. Her cats were huddled on a cushion in front of the burner while the guests shivered. Beloved went into the hall and fetched his thick, icelandic scarf, draping it round his neck. Lorna smiled. "That's the ticket", she said.

I wouldn't want you to think that I don't invite people to our house. Only yesterday we had a delightful elderly lady and her lurcher to tea. They came for the first time and she was very complimentary about house and garden. Mona is a real lady, much more so than me, a writer and poet, with old-school impeccable manners. I wish I could say the same for the dog. Anybody who reads this blog regularly knows that I tolerate well-behaved pets and children happily, I am kind and don't banish them to the scullery. Archie was not well-behaved. He stole a piece of cake which I had left on the kitchen table, and when I lifted the cake plate up onto a freezer, he jumped up, nearly pulling the plate down. I told him off and he went to his mistress who was sitting on the sofa in the sitting room and promptly jumped up to sit beside her. Pets and children are not allowed to sit on the furniture in my house (well, maybe I'd let a well-behaved child sit down), Archie was not pleased when I told him to get down. It took him three attempts before he understood that I'm the pack leader and that my word is law. Benno didn't lift a paw to help me and Mona smiled sweetly. Mona is a dear, vague and wispy, scattering belongings wherever she goes. I thought I had made absolutely sure I had collected every item she dropped during her visit, the dog's coat, her coat, her bag, her stick, the dog's lead, a book, some papers, and her boots. After she'd gone I found her scarf and gloves.

We need a lot of practice before we all get back into the swing of social life.

52 comments:

Wow! I am in awe when I read all this! What a lively social life you have with interesting people. If I made a dinner I would not know who to invite, no one around here would come that’s for sure, and the last time I was invited to dinner was…frankly I can’t remember, maybe in the 1980s? I mean in this country – in France, Belgium and other countries I have been invited frequently. I’d love to go to one of your teas and listen to your guests – if I could understand them that is. Your posts about your village are always so much fun to read.

Hilarious, Friko!I'm rather jealous. We don't know how to socialize. When I say 'we' I could mean my husband and I, my arc (I don't have a whole circle) of friends, or maybe the whole country. We just never do it. Don't know who to invite or how to start. Worry about the state of the house and what to talk about. Sad, really.At least I can enjoy your social life; please, keep it coming!

Friko, this one got me and I started with a chuckle and could not suppress when I got to the parenthetical aside about letting a well-behaved child sit down...

Here, I'd have to say that for some time it was more likely that I knew a well-behaved dog than child, but that's for another time...

Your village life reads like a movie so often. A little snippet of a movie that makes me want to see the whole thing. The cast of characters, the unique bits in what would seem, if others wrote it, like a routine visit. Nothing is routine, when your pen addresses it.

You have so many eccentric characters in your village. What a lovely larder of characters for writing, and you are great at describing them. I see your blog as a British television show...beneath you, I know. Maybe you could call it Tea at the Castle or Tea and Cake with Friko. Oh, I should mention that it is considered bad manners to brings ones pets to others houses in most of my social circles I am.

Bickering can be the highlight of (the very rare) dinners at our place.

I would have done the same with Archie. G's only allowed up on 1 couch, only when we're on it ourselves. And for 15 minutes on the bed in the mornings. NO jumping. No stealing food. That's why we don't have doggie guests. Too many rules, too much to explain and we don't want to end up bickering about dogs.

The very word "lurcher" conjures up the idea of a badly-behaved dog, a bull in a china shop.I enjoyed this so much, Friko. In my mind, I see a picturesque village where your beloved is the local squire and you are his lady, and yet you say Mona is a real lady, despite her dog. I don't believe it.I certainly had to laugh at your attitude toward dogs and children: "I am kind and don't banish them to the scullery." I do believe you'd have a scullery maid, too, probably Gardener's daughter.A delightful read today, my friend, just delightful.K

Friko, I love this! We tend to snug in during January. And people don't really do tea so much (as in "invite people to...") Don't you love people? I do! I love how they're all so different! Yours sound divine.

Please tell me what breed a "lurcher" is -- I read about a lurcher in a Maisie Dobbs book -- it was quite a central character. I can't tell if it's a lab or a mutt or what. Are they a specific breed? We don't call them that here.

Hopefully come spring we will all be in our "full steam ahead" mode and ready to entertain. I can't believe the dog got on your couch with no protests from his master but such is the way of many pet owners. This is a nice humorous post that makes light of the neighbors we all seem to have.

A really delightful, witty post, Friko, with such lovely pen sketches. I'm afraid your friend Lorna would feel quite at home with us at the moment as our house too is freezing until the heating is mended. I'm swathed in layers!

I am still smiling and laughing. I also am a bit worried that my husband and I might be portrayed as the first couple. It seems when we entertain, which is very rare, we become a bit nervous and pick at each other about the things that need to be done if we were alone. That is fine, but we've been known to do it in front of the children.

Really I do love these stories. You must gather them all together and put them into a book of sketches about the folks and life in Valley's End. You write so well. And, with your photographs, I would think it would be a great seller. I would certainly buy the book. See, Friko, I am spurring you on. Write a collection of stories about your world.

Friko, the prior comments have just about said all that I was going to bring to this party.

Cold weather socializing can surely be full of humor, if you've got the talent for observation. Over here in NYC, we do most of our socializing in cafes/restaurants, because our apartments are too small. Let me assure you that this relocation does not diminish the possibilities for drama and comedy.

Love it. And I thought I was alone in being grumpy at people who bring animals or children to visit and then relinquish responsibility. And look unhappy when I take on the role of providing discipline.Here on the other side of the world we are skulking inside to hide the heat. Next month will be hotter still. Summer hibernation.

I must come for tea one day. I do not have pets and my children are all grown up and gone away.

I dont drink or pray to the west or smoke smelly cigars. I bring a present since I am swiss and I eat meat. I know a few poems and a few poets, I know about Nigeria and have a political point of view that is flexible although I cannot stand your Prime Minister. I know the house of lords from the house of ill repute and know how to fish. I do the dishes before I leave.

I leave a calling card in case you want to write and will not try to sell you stuff. I dont mind the cold or the heat and have no allergies. I do eat a lot.

Hello:We really are very aware of how cold people have their houses in England now that we are used to the Hungarian custom of having the house hot, even in the most bitter of winter weathers. No matter what the size of the house or flat, no matter whether you attend a museum or a concert hall you will never be cold and you will generally in public places be reminded [lest you should retain the English custom of wearing your coat everywhere and never letting it go]that 'THE USE OF THE CLOAKROOM IS COMPULSORY!!

How lovely your Hellebore is and wonderful to be getting back into the social swing of things once more!

Growing up in sprawled out suburbs and living the majority of my life in cities like that, it is fascinating to be to even imagine "socializing". Of course, half the year it is too cold up here to visit much.

I love your descriptions!! I have always been alpha female in my home, too. What characters! Keeps life interesting, that's for sure. :)

Your description of your social visits is definitely entertaining! I cannot imagine someone with a dog like that who comes into a person's home and expects the dog to be treated as a human. But it happens all the time!

I smiled and commiserated through the entire post. Thank you for such a peek into your social calendar.

friko i prefer the social life of a third-party setting like a bar or restaurant for all the reasons you suggest here. it's mid winter and no one is seeeing anyone these days. locked up in our cabins and waiting for the snow and ice to go away. months left of that waiting!!! steven

Beautifully observed and nicely acerbic, Friko! I too relished those scatterings. Children and pets, though, should be banished completely from the house — and only allowed in the garden if the hellebores are well and truly protected from stray boots and paws!

Looks like your social life is brightening up no end after the early Jan. hiatus. (All grist to the mill.)

How fabulous!! People watching (and listening and talking to) is really the most wonderful entertainment!!

My MIL salts ALL food before even tasting it. Except mine. Call me a nasty cow, but I once added extra salt before serving. She then liberally salted it. Yes, she ate it all, but has always tasted my food first!!

The joys of village life ! It's surprising how many visitors relinquish all responsibility for their small children and pets once they have arrived . I keep a basket of Lego , pencils and paper for the children but rather meanly don't let the dogs sit on my furniture or chew my shoes . And really don't like it if they're cheerfully fed all the best biscuits .

Sandy from Writing in Faith is in charge of the actual admin and because of the time difference, it doesn't usually go up until about 9 or 10 pm your time. (I usually link up to it in the morning because of the time difference.)

It sounds like you live in a wonderful community. Inviting neighbors over in my area is almost unheard of. It's like each house, even though there may be only 10 feet separating, is like it's own little secret. Hopefully that dog will learn his manners before the next time...

What wonderful vignettes; the "banter" (putting it nicely) between the bickering couple sounds riveting and awful and funny all at once. As far as the dog? NO. Why do people lose perspective on their pets (and children)? I find it exhausting to be asked to play along with their leniencies.

Dear Friko,Your social calendar is so much fuller than mine. I need days between visits.

"Retired School Teacher" suggested that you write "a book of sketches about the folks and life in Valley's End." Given that you write so well, with wit and the telling words that describe people we instantly recognize, this seems like a good idea to me.

So often, I come to your blog and feel as though someone just switched the channel to PBS. Wonderful descriptions of something that really doesn't exist here - "village life". Small-town life just isn't the same.

I had a bit of a taste that Christmas in Salisbury. The Innkeepers went out on Christmas night, perhaps to "socialize", and came home in their cups. They'd forgotten their keys and had to pound and pound on the door, until we gathered our wits and let them into their own home.

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About Me

I was born and educated in Germany but I have lived in the UK for decades.
Before I started blogging, I had time for gardening, writing, reading, meeting friends, for poetry and literature, concerts and the theatre. I enjoyed cooking and feeding others.
Now, I do all these things if blogging permits.