Tuesday, 24 January 2017

The other day this thought crossed my mind. And it made me realise things change so fast around us and we don’t even notice. But when realisations strike, it obviously gets too late!

So many things change when we grow up. And we become the kinds we never thought we would. Our circle gets limited. We become less understanding and more judging. We give less and expect more. For every ounce of stuff done around us. We’re always surrounded by things neck deep that we barely get time for our loved ones. And so, we don’t call them either. Rather, wait for the other one to make an effort and if the other doesn’t, it becomes our birthright to blame them for being busy and not calling us or not making an effort.

Convenient, isn’t it?

From the times in the school, when sharing about your first crush, or first boyfriend or the many firsts, that used to be the highlight of the day, without which we wouldn’t be able to digest our food, and was the top priority to get it out somehow, to the times when we fight our scariest demon... all alone! And the worst part is we start hiding things. Coz of the fear of being judged, or probably to display that our life is perfect. That we know how to deal with stuff around us!

I don’t know what is it and more importantly, why it is like this!

Things change. Relationships change. Priorities change.

|Something that once seemed so evil becomes the only drug to keep you going.

I, for one, used to be the most caring person around. I used to think about others before myself. I still do. I used to be the one making calls on birthdays to wish the person not-so-special (I've stopped doing that), the one who was always ready to sacrifice and suffer, the one who’d never put herself before anyone else, the one who couldn’t live without her friends, the one whose yapping used to be her thing, the one who couldn’t resist sharing the minutest of details happening in her life. Sharing the particulars of the most silly things that can happen in one’s life, to obviously the ones that are truly worth sharing. And today, when I look at myself, I feel so different. Part of that person inside me has taken a slow death!

I barely text my friends, let alone call them. And I don’t even regret that. If someone calls, it’s fine by me. But that urge to take that extra effort, it doesn’t come. I’m still figuring why?

But the good part is during this process, the ones who are truly yours will always come to you and that makes you happy. Really happy.

Recently, I saw this word and it resonated with my state of mind so well that I want to share it here.

Yes, sometimes I feel Exhaustipated!

I don’t care about things and I feel okay about it! People, who know me well, know how strange it is for me to feel this way.

And this year, the resolution that truly is the highlight and the one I’m religiously working on, is to ‘Speak less’! Yes, you heard that! Loud and clear.

Not that I’m trying to change who I am, but trying to change certain habits that have been doing more harm than good! And no one is responsible for it, but me. Whenever I end up feeling bad, I realize it’s all because of me that I felt the way I did. I’m not blaming anyone, nor am I pointing fingers at anyone, all I’m saying is there are certainly things that I should change about myself, coz no one but me will be the one getting hurt the most!

And in between, I look forward to discovering more of myself. I’m sure it’s going to be worth it.

I think it’s enough for today. Tell me about yourself.

Have you ever done this? Tried to change something about yourself and the way it turned out to be?

Was it good? Was it worth the try? Share with me all your wisdom and I am all ears here!

14 Discussion

Yup- can relate to that:-) Discovering more of myself.... And more over make some changes in ourselves instead of getting irritated, and trying to change others... Never works! And can certainly try to listen more.... So there, as well:-) great read!

I can relate to your post, Geetika - Ive been trying to change myself in tiny parts over the past few years; evolve, even. But sometimes, trying to do things, especially for others when they can't be bothered to even take the effort to do something nice for you - you get exhaustipated.So, I'm changing a few things in 2017.

Yes, I used to be the one calling and wishing friends ... and always making the first call... but over a period of time, life took over and I am not the same. But it's ok, we change and it's good. Because we need to. I loved the word ... I think I started feeling that late in my twenties :P

I think over time, we stick to our closest bunch of people. The age of staying in touch will all and sundry takes a slow pace because the age of taking ourselves seriously becomes priority. And I think it's fine. Thinking about myself, yes I keep changing things about me but I'm not very particular. I change things as and when I see :) Reading you after a long long time Geetika! Hope all is well.

It's truly a pleasure to have you Parul. I am so lost at this moment when it comes to writing and blogging these days. I guess whatever happens, happens for a reason. I'll get back to all the reading that I've missed these months!

Thankyou for that perfect word ! Can relate to it so much. The circle of close ones has narrowed down so much in time. Birthday phone calls reduced to 'HBD' on Facebook walls, sharing minute details reduced to only important talk. ..but there are still those 2-3 special people with whom it remains the same. :)

Geetika, I am in that phase right now. I have always been someone who went out of my way to give to people but recent events made me stop and look at things in a critical manner. It's important to question us and them, where the I stand. I have decided to cut off from relatives and so called friends who doesn't empower and reel in negativity this year. This post resonates with me.