The Times I Almost Turned Back

She certainly didn’t mean any harm, but her words stung. Sitting across the table she voiced her opinion on divorced families. Nothing personal of course. She didn’t even know I was divorced. I wasn’t comfortable enough to speak up, but what I did do was decide that group was not for me.

I promised myself I wouldn’t go back.

Never desiring to write, I remember the dread that loomed. It was only a couple of paragraphs, explaining an upcoming gathering. How hard could it be? But at the time it might as well have been a novel. It was done and circulated, only to have someone so upset by what I’d written, they came in person to complain.

And I told myself I’d never write like that again.

When we were in the design phase of this very website and my mouth could not find the words to describe the vision my heart could so plainly see, I felt desperate. I wasn’t a website guru or even slightly talented at this sort of thing. So totally out of my element, I would cry out to God, but nothing seemed to give. As the months went by, rather than getting better, the whole process grew more difficult. Finally one day, when my hope grew too thin, I reminded God this wasn’t even my God-sized dream to begin with. {Ouch!}

And I cried out, maybe He should look for someone else, because I was done.

In each one, I began to walk in another direction, but God. He had a different plan.

That group I swore I’d never return to? I did return. And found the dearest, kindest group of women imaginable. And realized, we all have things to learn. And during that very study, I overcame a massive fear, and found the strength to follow what I absolutely know was God’s call to have another baby. Something I had feared and said (for years) I would not do.

And that writing? In the most unbelievable of situations, as I was praying and crying out to God for healing, that very night my path intersected with the person who had raised concern over what was written. We met for the first time. I found out it was a misunderstanding and have been friends ever since. I still cannot believe God would orchestrate such a beautiful, redemptive ending to that story. And by His mercy, He sees fit to give me words that string together into writings – something I didn’t think I’d ever be brave enough again to try.

And the website design dilemma? Oh, friend, I am grateful God didn’t let me give up. It came together (after more tears than I thought possible), and has united so many dreamers! Maybe God had me feel each and every labor pain of the dream so I could better encourage others one day! (<==== Click to tweet) So I would truly know what it felt like to dream against the odds.

Three different times in my life. And in each one, I finally threw in the towel. Said things like: Enough, I’m done, I give up.

Only God said something different.

He pulled me close and assured me: I AM enough.

But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’
Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.2 Corinthians 12:9

And that was what I needed to go back, dry my tears (for a little bit!), and see His amazing work unfold before my very eyes.

Oh, the things I would have missed had I not believed Him! (<==== Click to tweet)

Is there something (a situation, a person) that’s causing you to turn back? What is it that God’s saying?

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About Christine Wright

Christine Wright has long loved the water, but fear kept her on the shore much of her life. A few years ago, she began to take God at His word and believe His promises were true — even for her — despite having made many poor decisions. Now, she lives to inspire others to take bold leaps of faith and trust Jesus with everything. Christine is married to Mr. Wright, has four children, and lives with her family in sunny Florida. You can find her writing for Christian Women’s Voice Magazine and on Facebook and Twitter.

Comments

Your words and testimony are so encouraging today. Sometimes I give myself mental whiplash as I struggle with those things I want to walk away from and give up on and later feel completely different about. Even with so much prayer about direction it is just sometimes so difficult to navigate our paths, but then, that’s God’s to do, isn’t it? If we hang in there with Him we will get where we are supposed to go, in spite of ourselves.

Kathy, oh girl, I’ve done some of those same things! What peace it brings me to know God works it all out for good…that always helps when I’m standing at one of those forks in the road!! Thanks for stopping by today! 🙂

This is such a good word, Christine! I think sometimes lack of time and an overly full plate keep me from fulling running towards my god-sized dream, but I do inch forward as I can. Thanks for the encouragement today.

As a fellow towel thrower, thanks for this post. It has so encouraged my heart. I love your bravery Christian – because true bravery is doing something, even when you are afraid and the obstacles seems insurmountable! Love you, friend! 🙂

Oh Christine! Love this post. Such a beautiful encouraging picture of God doing more than we can ask, imagine, or think. So thankful you said yes to all of the above, despite your fear and hurt. Love you!