Sunday, May 09, 2010

I always knew I wanted to be a mom, always wanted to have kids some day. I don't think I could have ever imagined myself here, at this time, with these kids. They are definitely their own people, irrespective of whatever I may have envisioned when I was growing up.

There are times when I don't feel like I'm a very good mom. I'm jealous of my time. I get involved in these big huge projects that take a lot of concentration. I get sarcastic. Kate and I have been having a lot of power struggles lately. She's very bright and imaginative, and also strong-willed and stubborn. Sometimes I think she's practicing being a surly teenager ten years early.

The Primary kids always sing to their moms for Mother's Day. I had taken extra-squirmy Andy out in the hall during the second half of the meeting, but was hanging out near the door so as not to miss the kids singing. Kids went up and sang, Kate didn't. When asked, later, she said it was boring.

She did make me this card in Primary. And we managed to get a picture after church. (It was very sunny!)

Our kids came to us late. For a while we weren't sure if we were going to be able to have any. I remember how sad I was when I contemplated never having anyone to read to, to love and to teach. I am thankful for these two little people who make life so interesting. We continue to learn from each other.

Sometimes the most creative kids are the hardest to deal with. And there are definitely different stages at different ages. I remember age 4 being especially difficult, requiring more time on my knees. Five can be a breath of spring in comparison.

Kate may not admit it, but she may have had just a little bit of fear about going up in front and singing.

Are you making time for prayer and pondering? Even just a few short minutes can make a huge difference.

Here's something that might give you hope: my children were (and are) horrible as preschoolers. Members of my ward (past and present) can attest to that. But they have (so far, God willing and the creek don't rise) been wonderful (relatively speaking) teenagers.

Seriously. I have more embarrassing stories about my little ones than I care to remember, but few indeed about my teenagers. I don't mean to say that the teen years don't have their challenges, but it's like my children got their behavioral issues out of the way early (again, so far, God willing and the creek don't rise).

My life certainly hasn't been what I imagined as a teenager--and I don't think I'd want that life, anyhow (not that there's a choice anymore--I made all those long ago). Isn't the surprise of having something richer (and yes, sometimes more painful) than one imagined wonderful?

Motherhood truely is an adventure, and it's never the adventure we planned. I never cease to be amazed at how trying and satisfying it is to be a Mom. Hugs, prayer, and time out for Mom really make a diffrence. :)

I think being a Mother has taught me more about God's Love for us as his children and about free will by blessing me to look after these blessings... his children. You are a great Mom, I can clearly see it in the pictures and stories you share! Parenting is definately the hardest job but the most rewarding one I've ever had!

As someone who hasn't had the opportunity to be a Mum, I have great admiration for those who face its challenges ... and occasionally a little tinge of jealousy for those who have its blessings too (but hey, I get to be aunty, which is almost as good ... and I can give them back when they get obnoxious!). I so enjoy reading your blog and seeing what rich opportunities you give and what great love you show to your kids, and I know you're doing a wonderful job.