He’s Concerned About You

The local oncology office was quiet last week when I checked in for my pre-scan appointment. I sat and watched rain trickle down the window.

“Sharon?”

There were two other people in the reception area and no one moved. I guess that would be me.

The lab tech smiled and walked me into the room where phlebotomy chairs wait for cancer people to have blood drawn. Her scrub top had a Marvel Comics theme and we talked about the finer points of Marvel vs DC Comics. I asked her what the difference was and she explained with great enthusiasm. I don’t think I can explain it back to you. She cheerfully checked my vitals and asked a few basic questions before another assistant led me down the hallway into an exam room.

“Have your medications changed?”

She showed me a list from 2013 and we updated it to show no medications in 2018.

“Okay! The doctor will be with you shortly.” The door closed quietly.

The oncologist asked a few questions about how I’m feeling (fine).

“Are you breathing okay?” The stethoscope moved methodically across my back and I was told to breathe in. Breathe out. Wait. Shouldn’t I be breathing okay?? I mean, I don’t run marathons, but I don’t need an oxygen mask walking up the hill behind our house, so…

I left the office with lab work completed and instructions to pre-register for my fifth annual CT scan since being NED (no evidence of disease) in 2013.

The visit made me feel stressed and anxious. I struggled to pinpoint the reason.

Why do they seem to *expect* you to be feeling bad physically and then act puzzled when you’re doing pretty decently well?

Why does scheduling an annual CT-scan make me feel like I have PTSD?

Why do I even need to have this scan?Ah. There it is.

My “new normal” body works differently, but it works well. Me and my current inventory of organs get along pretty okay together. What if the test inadvertently causes more problems than it solves from, say, too much radiation? The oncologist even brought that up as a long term concern. What if the scan finds a new problem? Like that stable “benign lung nodule” thing they have brought up the past two years that I never even knew I had in my possession during the entire previous six years?

Maybe I don’t need to know my current status. I feel fine. I’m not even sure I would go through more standard medical treatment if cancer were to return. Let’s leave well enough alone. These are the frantic thoughts in my head one week each year.

Actually I think this way almost every week in the year, but there is only one week when I have to decide how strongly I really feel about the potential ramifications of medical procedures. This is why personal blogs are useful so one can write the words they don’t want to be heard shouting out loud to kind medical professionals doing their jobs.

And who, in the medical world, cares about my cancer-recovery-related concerns?

I left the office determined to eat more plants, juice more carrots, and to earnestly examine my stash of essential oils for ones I know may specifically support my efforts to stay above a particular wellness line.

Well-being – in spite of our physical circumstances – is a conversation that starts inside of us. Me. You.

I’m learning through this continuing process to speakpraise from my inmost being to God. HE is the one who satisfies my desires with good things even when I may want to fear the worst. He is always concerned about me in the big frantic obvious things and the little quiet subtle things of life.

Psalm 103:1-5 says,

“Praise the Lord, my soul;all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the Lord, my soul,and forget not all his benefits—3 who forgives all your sinsand heals all your diseases,4 who redeems your life from the pitand crowns you with love and compassion,5 who satisfies your desires with good thingsso that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.”

I’ve been listening to CeCe Winans on Pandora and last week I heard this song for the very first time. God cares enough to send unexpected gifts that minister to us on a very personal level.

God is concerned about me.

God is also concerned about you.

Click the image to play this subtle and beautiful reminder of God’s loving concern:

Lyrics for “He’s Concerned” by CeCe Winans:

God is, just a prayer away All you need to do is call He will hear, your faintest cry He’s concerned about you

So while your tears are flowing through Your time of mourning He is here to lift your heavy heart ‘Cause He’s in love with you

He knows He cares He sees He’s there And He’ll carry you He’s concerned about you

Weeping may endure for the night

But the morning will bring joy He won’t give, you more than you can bear He’s concerned about you

He loves you, oh yes He loves you, ooooo He loves you, I know He does, He really does He’s concerned about you

He knows He cares He sees He’s there He’ll carry you He’s concerned about you

He knows He cares He sees He’s there He’ll carry you He’s concerned about you

Sharon O’Connor is a wife, mom, and stage 4 colon cancer survivor. She loves coffee, writing, playing piano, and taking walks with her husband, Tom, and their adopted Pug-Maltese mix, Ace. Sharon is grateful for wellness support strategies that work and that have helped support her personal journey with cancer.

6 thoughts on “He’s Concerned About You”

My beloved beautiful gifted daughter, your mama considers every moment spent with you either in person, on the phone, or speaking to me through your gift of writing just plain joyous. Thank you for sharing your life with all of us. I carried you for nine precious months right near my heart and I will always carry you in my heart.

I have to smile. I just listened to CeCe Williams’ song again (a couple hours later). How precious that He really, really cares. He is concerned because He is the Shepherd and I am one of His lambs. This Shepherd went to the cross for each of us lambs. Yup. He sure cares.

Hello mom 🙂 Likewise, I treasure being able to call you (usually on the way to work!) and hear your voice. Thank you for being a friend, a sister in Christ, and a mom who shepherded her family, with Dad, to give us a safe and loving haven to grow up. And, thank you for introducing me to The Great Shepherd, Jesus. Love you very much.

My precious Sister,
Thank you for your transparency, and sharing this beautiful post of your thoughts and musings. I love the song. So simple, yet so profound. And that’s just like God’s love…so simple, yet so profound. I love you Sis.
Verna

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Disclaimer

Even though I think I have some awesomely encouraging information to share about my personal journey with cancer, remember – the content on this blog is for general informational purposes only and is not intended for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. It is highly intended to offer perspective and hope. I also include some affiliate links here on the blog, so if you happen click them and purchase something, I may get a small “thank you” from the seller. It helps me keep the blog up and running! (Sincerely, thank YOU.)