"My Wife's Ghost Is Police Informant" Claims Barrymore

The ghost of Michael Barrymore's dead wife Cheryl is acting as a police informant, claims the under-pressure deviant.

Cheryl Barrymore, divorced the star in 1997, and died on April Fools' Day in 2005, but knows all about her ex-husband's involvement in the death of meat inspector Stuart Lubbock, says Barrymore.

Barrymore claims to have "had dreams" in which his wife appears dressed as a police officer, and tells him that she is going to "grass" him up. The two had an acrimonious split due mainly to Cheryl being unable to understand or come to terms with, her husband's liking for male genitalia, and its insertion into his back passage.

Now, it seems, the pressure is getting to the ex-Strike It Lucky host, and his plot is fast becoming lost.

A "friend" of Barrymore, who did not wish to be named, said:

"He believes Cheryl is out to get him. He thinks she is wandering around the ether gathering evidence, and helping the police compile their case against him. She has been 'speaking to witnesses from the other side'. He's a real fruitcake."

Sir Trevor McDonald, who was once serenaded by Barrymore in front of 5 million disbelieving TV viewers, said:

"Lock the bastard up and throw away the key!"

Barrymore, however, was last night released without charge by Essex Police, although a spokesman did say they would be keeping an eye on him.

Sgt Queerbasher of Essex Police said:

"We had to let him go. He wouldn't stop singing in that 'drunken club singer' way. The other prisoners were complaining. It was unbearable!"

Make Monkey Woods's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

More fake news stories

The Secretary General of the United Nation, Ban Ki-moon, announced at a UN assembly that the United Nation has officially classified Texas as a totalitarian government after the state government refuses to respect the U.S. constitution.
The state...

Odessa Tx:Sen Ted Cruz(R)TX has a secret, and he is about to expose it in an upcoming issue of "Horse and Hound" magazine.
Cruz has been busy doing a cover shoot for the equestrian inclined mag since April. "I'm sooooo excited about this cover...

Cyberspace - Online satire publisher The Spoof has begun encrypting bits of its website to make it harder for hackers and cyber spies to monitor the stories its readers are enjoying.
"We want our users to feel real secure," the virtual Editor exp...

After decades of intense hostility, the United States and Cuba have finally agreed to let bygones be bygones and have a fresh start to an era of civility between the two arch-enemies.
Diplomats from both countries signed a treaty stipulating the...

The first ever match between a Sunni and Shiite boxer will take place at Nomadison Square Garden Tent in Baghdad this fall. Kamul Jawkhee and Reghed Saniger will take to the ring in a bout that will determine who will be the next heavyweight champion...

Krak des Chevaliers, Syria - Cops have taped a phone call from a top ISIS commander on the blower to his Mom in the London suburb of Barking, Isle of Dogs, moaning about the theft of his crack stash.
Jihadi John, a.k.a. Mhamed Emwazi bin-the-Khaz...

Saying goodbye to the euro, and not wanting to reintroduce the dreaded drachma, Greece has named its new currency the "big gyro."
Stefan Poopadoopalot, spokesman for what's left of the government in Athens, outlined exactly what goes into a bi...