Yes, to the best of my knowledge, I am me. I remember your interview very well, I have it transcribed and pasted on my closet door for those days when I feel worthless and like a failure at my chosen profession (which, by the way, is origami.) Was I in England, then? It's so hard to recall anything these days. Oh, I beg your pardon, I see my mistake. Your email address says UK.

In the free world, which we call America, we spell that with an F at the beginning and a C in between followed by the inevitable "YOU."

I realize it may seem self-destructive for me to hurl invective at my only two living fans in the known universe, but if you live in Great Britain, can you really call that living? Here in America we call that "suspenders" or "elevator" or something.

It's true I was violating a court order filming in Colorado so close to a Junior High School, but I never served any time. Instead, I wound up doing community service as a crossing guard. Go figure. In truth, I was just trying to post something amusing and desperately attention-grabbing when Mike, writing from the East Coast in a drunken stupor, jealous that I was able to write anything at all while he has spent the last 15 years trying to buy a ribbon for his typewriter so he can write that novel he's been talking about since high school (or as you say in England, "bullocks.") posted a message so mean-spirited and chilling that I went back into hiding and have only come upon your post from January here in October. (Which all of a sudden reminds me once again of the January-October romance spawned by the film the likes of which one has an opportunity for but once in a lifetime. If that. [ --Chris Graham, I am older now and can't possibly be as scary as I was. I promise to stop calling you and hanging up and I will stop mailing you unsigned magazine subscriptions if you would only contact me so I can get a new copy of Elves - maybe even a digital DVD copy? You must have the original master. You or the company. I only ever had two copies and both have stretched and broken from years of freeze-framing on my name in the credit sequence at the end.] Alex, if Chris Graham ever responds, I will try to get you a copy, too. Or as you say in England, "PAL.")

And now I have lost the thread of what I am doing here at the computer and yet I continue to type. It's amazing, isn't it? How my mind works. Or as they say in England, "public dole." Is Margaret Thatcher still alive?

So, you're finally out, eh, Jeff-o? Thanks be to Google for letting me catch my first hateful glimpse of your now un-incarcerated b*tch-ass self in this.. this.. what the hell is this place? "badmovies.org"? Well, there is some justice on the planet, I must say.

It's only a matter of time before I REALLY catch up to you, and then we'll review the good old days *together,* real close, you see, and we can discuss how comedy becomes tragedy when a man's flaws overcome his better judgement, like when a nice guy SNAPS and kills his former best friend for, oh, I don't know, a THOUSAND little crimes and one -- make it two, I'd momentarily blocked the memory of dear dead Rachel out of respect for her short life -- TWO big crimes.

A thousand and two crimes, and none was the one you got sent away for. Isn't that just something? You could not only claim innocence like the rest of the yardbirds, but actually mean it, because someone framed you but good. Someone who saw you'd otherwise get away without punishment for what he knew -- screw it, for what _I_ knew -- you were truly responsible for.

I suppose this being a cultie site, and I apologize for any incorrect terminology to the innocent membership, I can best establish my bona fides to those who care to know who the devil I am by looking at the names of the other two co-writers -- not on the slipcase, mind you, Jeff-o managed to have another "memory slip" when he sent out the printing order -- but I'm there in the rolling credits, sure enough. Would that I weren't, but there it is, and there I am.

Your days are numbered, Jeff. What a ridiculous sentence! So trite, so hackneyed, so TRUE, unlike your prison sentence. Remember that dialogue I wrote -- "How many teeth you got?" Cracked me up then. Even funnier now, because I'm SO looking forward to saying it to your doomed face. You no doubt had a little fun writing your comment above -- the old glib Jeff never could resist the taste of his own words, tossed out like gratuitous candy to gather and grow his circle of followers, that hasn't changed, apparently -- but now this site won't be a source of amusement to you anymore.

No, it won't. It's here you learned I'm still alive. And I'm out for your pain, your blood, and your cowardly screams of mercy. Which, by the way, I'll decide upon at the appropriate time. So if things aren't going well for you when that time comes, just scream a little louder. It might work.

I cant believe this. My friend and I found Elves in the back of our local video shop in norfolk, england, about 10 years agio, rented iot, dubbed over some of the voices with samples from other films, and then obsessed over its warped genius for many years. When the video store closed down we bought the tape off them... I dont know where it is now, but I can guarantee it has been watched many many times.

So is this really Jeff Mandel, director and auteur of Elves? Did you really do jail time? What is the deal here between you and Mike Griffin? Is this just banter? I want facts and I want them now!

Actually Jeff, if this is you... you wont remember this, but about seven or eight years ago I did speak to you on the phone. My mate and I found your name and phone details on the internet and when I called I said "is this Jeff Mandel, director of elves?" You said it was, and I said we were writing a horror fanzine and wanted to interview you for it... not strictly true, but we did kind of intend to do it. It just never happened. We also called Borah Silver (he lived somewhere in California) and chatted to him about the film, he was quite a laugh...

So, if you wouldnt mind posting here what has been going on the past while, any news on cast/crew reunions, sequel hopes, I would be most interested...

I stumbled on this site and felt I just had to come to Jeff's defense. I will always remember working on "Elves" as one of the most magical times in my life. I was treated like a queen on the set by the production company and was catered to like a star. Even though I wasn't Jeff's first choice to play Kirsten, I hope I was able to capture the essence of the teen "virgin". Jeff is a brilliant and nurturing director who was always able to explain what he wanted out of the scene, listen to your character's imput,and blend the two to get the best out of the actor.

Jeff, by the way, has been a WORKING writer/director for many years. Not easy to do. So I find it interesting that some of the most critical people haven't actually DONE anything. What is it..."Those who can do, and those who can't"...well...can't.

"Elves" isn't meant to be taken seriously. Just good campy fun. We weren't expecting to be up for an Academy Award. Okay, maybe we were. But I just knew that line where Kirsten plunges the stone into the ground and says "Die you faggot!" was going to keep us out of the running.

For the last reviewer...Haggerty is still working in movies and selling the hell out of his BBQ sauce line. He's the only cast member I've kept in touch with. He was a dream to work with and a really good sport, even when he didn't have to be.

I have grown up a little since then. But I think I still have some Kirsten clothes in my closet. I've shifted into writing/producing, and lately have been developing TV shows and independent film.

I noticed that Gary Coleman died today. Now, you might wonder what the connection between Gary Coleman and Elves? Well, my late cousin, Bruce Taylor, was a writer/producer for 'Different Strokes. After hearing about Gary Coleman I googled Bruce Taylor (while I should have been working ) just to see what else he had written. Lo and behold, another site listed Bruce Taylor as one of the writers for the movie 'Elves'.

Anyway, if any of the perpetrators of Elves ever comes back here, could you tell me if the Bruce Taylor who worked on Elves is the same Bruce who worked on Different Strokes?

I have a copy of this movie! The performance of Dan Haggerty did indeed help to save the movie. As the down-and-out Mike, he has a melancholy resignation that gives the movie great atmosphere. I just wish his beard didnít flare out at the ends.