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Tuesday, February 2, 2016

For a Long Lost Sister Born Aquarian

Taken in a bathroom after my sister's first runway show.

I have two siblings borne in Black History Month-- a younger brother and a little sister.
My sister's birthday is today. My brother's birthday was yesterday. I spoke to him. As for my sister, I haven't seen or heard from her in six years. No one in the family has.
Six years is a long time to have lost one's original best friend. We had shared hopes and dreams, desires of living out of a difficult circumstance that promised the worst endings for two black girls. We weren't always close knit. We didn't always stick together like glue. Sometimes we fought and challenged and stole from each other.
In good times, we enjoyed our multi-colored Barbie arrangement and spoke way past bedtime with Ma walking past our shared bedroom shouting, "hush!" and "go to bed!" We bonded over Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was ours. She was Trini the yellow ranger and I was Kimberly the pink one with a skirt. She hated soap operas, but we could talk about "Passions" for hours.
I remember my sister as a fighter, a courageous, vibrant soul who spoke her mind and challenged anyone contesting against her values. She could tell wonderful stories, rap hardcore verses, sing metaphoric poetry, and draw a great set of hands. Today, my mom has her beautiful collage portrait of Halle Berry hanging in the kitchen.

My sister was in a special program and one of the rewards offered her congratulatory monies. She wanted to include me. So she used her congratulatory monies on a trip to Columbus, Ohio. We hopped on a Greyhound bus and she chastised me for rudely reading Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince the entire ride. We attended a concert featuring Bow Wow, Omarion, B2K, Marques Houston, and more. I didn't necessarily like the musicians, but I did love spending time with her. We stayed overnight at a modest motel. It was an amazing gift shared and experienced. So much splendid fun.

I was awed by her beauty and tall height. Everyone adored her. It was only natural that she would begin modeling years after graduating from high school. She moved to Chicago to build a portfolio and shared most on Facebook or the short lived myspace. Often, she would send amazing care packages and come home for Christmas. I still love the glow-in-the-dark celestial bedroom curtains she had gifted. And they still glow. Like her.

My favorite glamour girl.

Still, even when we were miles apart, she sent emails and amazing care packages. She would talk about harmful environmentalism, send movie codes, talk about her travels, encounters at random hostels, and the fear of having Marfan's syndrome.

One of many shots taken in our tenure. She was teaching me how to bike in a mild rain sprinkle and caught this whimsical rainbow.

We last spent time together in Denver, Colorado, summer of 2010, sharing our hair in the same style-- long length box braids. I had been house and cat sitting for a friend studying in Paris and invited my San Francisco California living sister for a week. We played cards and board games, frequented night clubs, borrowed each other's clothes, rubbed cat bellies, gushed over Janelle Monae and Tegan and Sarah, and bedazzled the local park at night like carefree vampire girls. At the time, she was a year into veganism. She tried to ease me away from my daily consumption of cheese, eggs, and ice cream. I foolishly paid her no mind. Now, I often wished to not have been so stubborn back then.
I heard my sister. I just didn't listen.
Unfortunately, a roll ignited and we ended on uneasy terms. On the morning, after a goodbye hug, she left my friend's house. I felt sadness and regret, especially upon discovering a sweet card she left behind, striking a poignant inner cord. No matter how hurt or angry, a sister's love is a love that is so special that such animosities float away.
We called and texted. Slowly, she drifted towards an unreachable place, deleting all of her social media accounts and email address, disconnecting phone.
I miss her. I miss her a lot.
It's been so hard and brutal without her presence. I yearn to talk to her about hair. About veganism. She doesn't even know that I became a vegan.
Yet there's so much I don't know about her either. Like where she is.
It's a frightening thing not to know. The not knowing eats away at sanity.
Every once in a while, I read one for her emails and fall into solace. She was a Jane of all Trades.
I must reflect on an eerie excerpt from my sister's piece called, "Alice's Sister," from March 13, 2009 (my paternal grandmother's birthday), a supernatural mystery story about an only child borne into privileged superficiality, longing for a sibling. She had wanted to know my thoughts. I thought she was onto something very suspenseful.

"I can show you how I did it, I can teach you how." I heard the smile in her hollow voice.
She
knew the last thing I wanted to know was how she did it. I didn't want
anything to do with her or the secrets she bought with her.
I couldn't speak. All I could do was shake my head no.
The sound of her approaching
footsteps stopped a few feet from me. I stopped shaking for a moment. A gust of air blew past me.
I suddenly felt her skeleton hand on my shoulder.
I nearly jumped out of my skin.
"What are you!" the words came out of me with repulsion.
"I'm your sister Alice."
I shook my head too afraid to verbally challenge her.
"Yes I am." she said with a chuckle.
Tears began to roll madly. Why did this thing choose me to come after?! To torture me for wanting a sister?
"LOOK AT ME!"
As I shook my head no, my vision began to blur with darkness and my neck began to pop.
I knew she was entering me, forcing me to look her direction through mind control.
I tried to fight her. It was like falling in and out of a sleep that became too easy to resist.
"I can't," I cried weakly, hating myself for not having the strength to fight against her.
But of course she had her way. I was turning in my chair fully
in her direction. I felt my eyes still tightly closed beginning to pull apart.
I
blacked out for a second.....