Saturday, April 18, 2015

Five years ago today I was mentally preparing for something I didn't want that was the means to something I wanted more than my own life. Five years ago today, I was on a countdown to Julia's birth.
We went to the Fernbank museum and looked at the dinosaurs. We drove to Alabama on a whim and ate some BBQ that I can't quite remember. It was just the first non "chain" place we ran into. We did all the things because the next day everything was going to be different. The next day we would be six instead of five.

It's hard to get my mind around this. She's going to be FIVE tomorrow. In the fall there will be Kindergarten and the beginning of her steps away from me. I don't like it. I want her nestled in my arms forever.

But she won't stay. So we do new things and I hope create moments she'll remember forever, even when I'm gone. I ask her if she knows how much I love her and she says "I do because you kiss me all the time."

She's right, I do. Sorry, NOT SORRY.

I didn't realize how different it would be to have a daughter. It isn't "better" it's just different in an awesome way. Possibly because I can take her out for mani-pedi and get little flowers painted on her toes for no reason other than that I can.

They are the littlest toes in the house. My last baby isn't a baby, but she will always be mine.