Giving children a voice in addiction recovery

When treating clients struggling with substance abuse, Lindsey Chadwick would like her fellow counselors to keep in mind the toll that addiction takes on children. Addiction affects the whole household. Children feel the effects differently — but as acutely — as adults, says Chadwick, a licensed professional counselor and manager of the children’s program at the Betty Ford Center, part of the Hazelden Betty Ford Foundation, just outside of Denver, Colorado.

“Simply being aware [of the fact] that kids are affected by addiction is a huge piece of the advocacy work that we do,” says Chadwick, a member of the American Counseling Association. “Even if a counselor is working [in addictions] with adults, be thinking of the kids. They are a big part of their grown-ups’ recovery. They matter. Take into account what the kids have to say.”

Chadwick and her colleagues run a program for children, ages 7 to 12, who come from addicted homes. The child’s “grown-up,” a parent, relative or caregiver, receives treatment simultaneously through the Betty Ford Center’s programming for adults. The children come for an intensive, four-day workshop that focuses on coping skills and education on what addiction is, and – most importantly – that it’s not their fault, says Chadwick.

“Most of all, we try and help them have fun and be a kid. They are often caught up in very grown-up situations at home,” says Chadwick.

Children from homes where addiction is present often take on roles they’re too young to play, such as caring for younger siblings or being a peacemaker or mediator in the home, she

Lindsey Chadwick at work in the children’s program at the Betty Ford Center just outside of Denver, Colorado.

explains. At Betty Ford, Chadwick and her colleagues do a lot of role-play, sharing activities and psychoeducational games with the children, as well as non-therapeutic games, snacks and swimming at a nearby pool.

“For the most part, on the surface, our kids look like any other kids,” says Chadwick. “But we see a lot who are struggling with anger toward their grown-up or family members. We see a lot of very anxious and nervous kids who have taken on a lot of adult roles because they needed to. Some of our kids have also experienced abuse and neglect. Addiction is an equal-opportunity disease, so we see it in all kinds of families.”

Children who come through the program often struggle with perfectionism, an extreme focus on maintaining control and “not making waves,” says Chadwick. Also, children who come from addicted homes often experience loneliness and guilt or feel like their family is not as good as others.

Many children feel like the addiction is somehow their fault – a message they focus on reversing, says Chadwick.

“We teach them that many people go through what they’re going through,” she says. “We want them to really learn their strengths. Despite the addiction, it doesn’t mean that they can’t love their family, or that other things [in their life] aren’t going well.”

In households with addiction, feelings and problems are not usually talked about or addressed. This unwritten “rule” of not talking about struggles or emotions is passed from older to younger generations, Chadwick says. At Betty Ford, they work to undo those patterns, teaching children to express what they’re feeling – with an aim to keep them from falling into addiction when older.

“A lot of our kids don’t have the language [to express the struggles of addiction]. We try to give them the language to talk about what’s going on, to identify what’s wrong and tell someone,” says Chadwick. “… We give them the space to know that they matter, and it’s OK to let things out.”

In addition to talking to express themselves, they teach the youngsters nonverbal ways to let out their emotions, such as drawing, physical activity and other self-care activities. They also identify who is safe to talk to (i.e., a counselor, trusted adult or peer) and when. “Addiction sometimes confuses that for them,” explains Chadwick.

“We have kids who come in, and they’re angry, sad or mad, and they don’t want to be here,” she says. “On the last day [of the program], they’re happy and smiling – they’re a kid again. It’s such a wonderful transformation to be a part of.”

Psychoeducation activities at the Betty Ford children’s program also involve a cartoon character named Beamer. He stars in a series of books that the Betty Ford Center uses in their children’s program.

Both of Beamer’s parents struggle with addiction, and one is in recovery, and the other is not, explains Chadwick. Beamer navigates the ups and downs of living in a household coping with addiction in each of the books.

“Kids really love Beamer because they’ve never really seen a character that’s going through the same things as they are,” Chadwick says. “It’s very validating to learn that they’re not alone. They relate to him. A lot of the situations he’s been in, they’ve been in – his struggles at school and interactions with family. It gives them a vehicle to talk about it as well, and helps them feel more comfortable.”

All families who go through recovery programs at the Betty Ford Center are referred for therapy in their local area. They are also invited back for weekly follow-up programming and support groups.

Chadwick has worked for nine years at the children’s program at the Betty Ford Center. In addition to Chadwick’s program in Colorado, Betty Ford also offers children’s programming at centers in Dallas and Rancho Mirage, California.

“I grew up in a family where addiction was a problem for multiple generations. I saw things that I shouldn’t have as a kid. I’m happy to give back to these families,” says Chadwick. “It’s so amazing, as a therapist, you get to work with the kids on their level and have so much fun throughout the day, but also help focus on recovery … It’s really amazing to watch these families heal. The adults in the [Betty Ford Center] program really want what’s best for their families, and it’s wonderful to be part of that process.”

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