Don’t Look at Him

They all tell you what you want to hear. Lies to deceive your mind to thinking they’re all true. I’ve been told many lies in my lifetime but, this one may be the most deceiving one of all. I was told I was safe. Well, I’m not. Everything is different now; my mom is chronically depressed, which is uncanny considering she is normally the happiest person I know. But I guess it makes senses with all these gruesome homicides going around. Every murder has been different. None the same and, they’re always a different kind of death. Most people believe it’s a group or just a completely different person doing it each time. Though, I know the truth. I’m antithetic to everybody else’s thoughts because … well, I saw him take somebody’s life. I must inform you now that I may not be able to finish this story. Once you see him you’re dead. Nothing can save you. He messes around with your mind. He drives you to the point of insanity. You can tell when someone is selected or, just simply saw him. They say the weirdest things, sometimes they alienate themselves or bring up the murders; asking what happened to the others. I guess I should start telling you what happens before I’m gone. So, here we go.

I was just sitting on a gray metal bench next to the stairs that go down to the Subway near Wall Street. It was pouring out and, my coat was soaking wet. With how long it was taking for my ride to get back home, I just gave up and started walking. I normally never take the back streets because of all the havoc that went on but in this case, I was freezing and I just wanted to get home. Living in such a big city you’re bound to see somebody getting raped or even killed in each ally way. Which is sad, yes but, if you try to do anything about it you’re a dead man.
I grabbed my headphones which were in my left pocket and then proceeded to put them in my phone. Maybe listening to music would ease the fact that anything could happen while heading to my little safe haven. It wasn’t turned up too loud, just enough to sooth my fear. Thankfully, the rain was just starting to let up. I thought I would stop once I got to my favorite café and get some coffee. There was a local coffee shop next to my place that I rather enjoyed going to. I knew I had quite a bit more walking to do before I was even close so, I started speed walking. I came to halting stop. I heard something say just the most unusual thing. Well, it wasn’t necessarily what they said but how they said it. Something had just cooed the words, “Stop”. The voice was soft, almost solacing as if they were asking for help. I acknowledged what it had said and I stopped. I turned around and asked if they were okay. I saw nothing. It was probably just somebody trying to disorder me and make me feel uneasy. So, I kept walking. Looking back a few other times, I saw nothing. I was still in some shock from what had happened but I didn’t let it get to me too much. Then, right as I thought I was cooled down, somebody screamed for help. I would normally avoid this kind of thing but this time I didn’t.
Frankly, I was sick and tired of all these people dying. As I started to run over to the last ally way I didn’t see much. They screamed again, this time making it obvious that whoever this person had was a woman. She screamed, “I’m up here! Help me, please!” No matter how much I looked for the woman I couldn’t find her. I pulled down some stairs that went up to an apartment building and, started going up. Trying to be sneaky or, well as sneaky as I could be, I was up against the walls and taking meager steps. Being a pretty small guy, doing this wasn’t too hard. Constantly looking through windows I had seen nothing out of sorts. Which confused me on many levels but, I just kept on creeping up slowly and carefully. I finally reached the roof… which was where I saw him. I only took the tiniest glimpse of the man. He was tall, extremely tall. He had long shaggy black hair which had looked dampened from the rain. I couldn’t tell what he was holding because I didn’t get a good enough look. I threw up my soaked hood which was a darkened navy blue. I’m a naturally pale person so that may have been a problem in trying to sneak a peek in. I leisurely poked my head up and took a better look. He saw me.
His looks were insanely mortifying. He was gangly, so thin he looked like skin and bones. He looked even paler than me, which is a lot considering I’m almost considered albino with dark brown hair. His eyes might have been the most memorable part. They were sunken back into his skull creating blackness around them. They looked almost all white but, there might have been more to them. His mouth appeared to be sown up across his face. It seemed as if everything he was wearing was black.
It was as if he just acknowledged me then went back to the girl. I tried to look again but was afraid of what might happen. Once silence fell, I felt my heart stop. I sat and listened for a few seconds then slowly started going back down. I noticed I left my phone up there. That didn’t help the anxiety I had going on. While I was going back for it I tripped and fell down a step landing on my knee. That wasn’t the most pleasant feeling but I tried to ignore it and go on. Once I got my phone, I hurried down and called the police but, there was no answer. This really fucked with my mind. It’s the police, they always answer. Then, I looked up. He was standing right where I had seen him. I froze.
The second I jumped down I threw the stairs up and booked it. He just watched. I got up to the main street by my house. Nobody was around. New York on a Saturday night and there was nobody in sight. Each light started going off one by one. Then the two next to me were left on. In the blink of an eye, everything was back to normal. The streets were thriving with people, the lights were on and multiple cars drove by. Who is this guy and how did he pull it off? Well those were some questions I was left with.
At this point, I was right next to the café I wanted to be at. I went in and ordered what I usually did, a white chocolate mocha. I hadn’t blinked since I had gone in and got the drink. As I blinked, the lights were out and no normal life forms were there. Just the man I had seen on the roof. Thinking it would get rid of the darkness I started blinking non-stop but, it wasn’t working. Every time I blinked he came closer. I just sat there and looked at him, trying not to blink. Considering he was at least three steps away from being in my face. I sat there, frozen, not taking my eyes off of him when it came to the point where I just couldn’t take it. I blinked. It all went back to normal again. Some people were staring at me as if I were crazy. I gained the courage to ask the girl who worked there what had happened to some of the other people. She took her break.
“You saw him didn’t you?” She said, being cautious and quiet. I nodded then gestured for her to go on and tell me what had happened to the others. “Fine, he does all kinds of different things, though he’s known for tricking your brain up. To keep this all in short, don’t look at him. Don’t try to help. Just keep it simple for a while, lay low. My best friend… she was murdered by him. I don’t think he’s a normal human being. My friend told me a lot about him. He sent her notes. He made her dream about him non-stop. She also told me what he looks like.” She went on to tell me what he looked like and it was almost identical to how I saw him. I was petrified really. Though there was one thing I never did the whole time we were having that conversation. I never blinked.
That night I didn’t sleep. I began to go insane, as I am now. I haven’t slept since this happened and I’ve been explaining this since I got home. I’ve been writing it down as fast as I can before it’s my time to go. So many things have happened. He’s left hints. I’ve blinked so many times he’s almost like death staring straight into my face. Just waiting for the moment when he can kill me.
Well I should probably get going. I’ll try to write more if I can tomorrow.
—

Hey guys well, it’s the next day and I’m still alive. Though things have been getting crazier than I thought they would get. He’s been fucking with my mind almost too much. My mom has gone into even more of a depression. She hasn’t said one word since I started acting this way. As if her mouth were theoretically sown up. It’s almost too much to fight through but I make it. I already know I’m going to die as it is. Why should I live in fear? Shit.
He’s behind me I have to post this quick. Please … everybody just whatever you do. Don’t look at him.
… Bye …

I’ll nitpick a bit, but ONLY because there’s nothing major I see that holds it back.

Beginning started off strong. MAYBE let your description of him and what he can do be a bit more vague in the first paragraph; I’m not sure but it might keep the reader a bit more intrigued.

A couple of minor plot holes; what happened to the woman on the roof was left unsaid, and the idea of someone climbing up a fire escape, peeking, running down and forgetting his phone is a bit awkward. Maybe another plot device to get him on the roof? (he was working late on a weekend and noticed his office roof access was open, whatever)

Also, how did he order a coffee when there was no other human around? I re-read this and didn’t catch that there were multiple “flickers” of normal world/empty world. Maybe tie this in with the entity somehow?

I’d also suggest leaving out the mother part, it just doesn’t seem to fit as she wasn’t involved in any way. It comes across as tacked on and would be scarier anyway if he was alone at night.

Please don’t take offense to my suggestions! This is probably the best story I’ve seen on this site and I liked it quite a bit 🙂 🙂

Why Hullo

This was good. I think if you added more detail it could be on the main site.