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An Accidental Home VBAC- VBAC Story

So wonderful! I love these accidental home births. But my favorite part of this interview is the end- Giving birth is SUPPOSED to make women feel like they can do ANYTHING- not like they or their body failed. That is the beauty of empowered birth.
Enjoy!
(You can find more VBAC interviews on the blog.)

-So, I would love for you to first give a brief rundown of your first
birth/s and what you feel like happened and why you had a c-section.

1 My first birth ended with an emergency c-section. I
know we sometimes villainize doctors a bit, but in this case, I think
the c-section was mostly my own fault for not coming to the birth better
prepared. My Mom always had very easy deliveries, so I just sort of
assumed that mine would be easy, too. But the truth is that I was
terrified of becoming a mother (I was never one of those people who just
loved babies, so I was very nervous that I wouldn't know what to do
with my baby once he arrived). So with each contraction, it seemed like
I tensed up more and more and just felt miserable and scared-- both of
the upcoming pain, and also of the upcoming responsibilities! So I went
to the hospital way sooner than I should have, simply because I was
anxious. And then I couldn't bear to let my husband even leave my side
to get any of our birth stuff that we'd brought along (soothing music,
birthing ball, etc, etc). I just sat there feeling scared. And in
pain. And got the epidural pretty fast.

And once I had the epidural, and the doctor asked if they could
break my water, I told him to go ahead-- I hadn't read enough to know
any better. In hindsight, I think that was my biggest mistake. I
dilated 4 cm in about an hour after that, and my theory (which has never
been confirmed by any doctor, so it may be completely incorrect) was
that my baby dropped too fast in that hour, and didn't turn properly.
So he was face-up, which makes for a lot more pain. The nurse announced
that I was ready to push, and I obliged very obediently, but I even
though I hurt a lot by this point, I couldn't feel what I was doing or
where I was pushing at all. She said I was a good pusher and predicted
we'd have our baby in no time, but after 40 minutes of pushing, I was
exhausted, and the baby just wasn't coming out. We'd see his head, and
then he'd retract back in again. At this point, the doctor said that he
was probably face-up, and that was why he was getting stuck. And
because there had been meconium in my amniotic fluid and my baby's heart rate was fluctuating poorly, he recommended a c-section. The
doctor was very kind and not at all pushy about the whole thing. He
simply explained that he was worried about the baby and that he also was
worried that in order to push him out, I'd probably tear very badly. I
asked if I could keep pushing a bit longer, and he said that was fine.
(During this time I was also given oxygen, in hopes that it would help
my baby's heart rate.) I pushed once more and called it quits. Despite
the epidural, I hurt all over and was exhausted.

I cried. My husband grabbed my face and assured me that I hadn't
failed and that everything would be just fine and told me over and over
again how proud he was of me. But I felt so sad that I couldn't deliver
my baby. The c-section went just fine, and they let me give my son,
Bentley, a quick kiss before Daddy took him out to the hall to wait for
me to get put back together. I found out later that my doctor was also a
gastroenterology surgeon or something-- in any case, lots of ultrasound
techs have commented that I have a really nice c-section scar, so at
least he did that well! But the recovery from the c-section was hard--
just laughing and walking hurt so much those first couple of weeks! I
knew I didn't want to go through that again if I could help it.

-What made you desire a VBAC when they seem so hard to come by in the current obstetric climate?

When I found out I was pregnant with my second baby, I began to
read everything I could find on VBACs (which was hard to do-- although a
lot of books mention them, there are very few books specifically about
VBAC, and they're hard to find!). Not only was I hoping for an easier
labor and recovery, I also was very worried about how bad it would be--
psychologically-- for my now 17-month-old Bentley if his mommy stopped
picking him up the moment his little sister arrived on the scene! So I
vowed to do everything in my power to be able to deliver this next baby
without any surgeries!

-How did you find a care provider who would support you?

I still had the same insurance, Kaiser Permanente, but I was
very fortunate in that they are quite supportive of VBACs. In fact,
Kaiser was even mentioned in several of the books I read because they
are one of the few (and earliest) major health insurance companies that
support VBAC. So that was a huge blessing, since I doubt we could have
afforded to look elsewhere.

-What helped you VBAC?
-How did you prepare for your VBAC (was there anything you did differently)?

All the reading I did really helped. My favorite book was The Big Book of Labor,
by Erica Lyon (I recommend it to EVERY pregnant woman I know!)-- it
talks about a lot of different ways to manage your pain, and I really
loved her ideas and her way of presenting the information-- she's very
well informed, and the book doesn't feel like it has an agenda it's
trying to push on you. After reading through her book twice, and also
gleaning ideas from Ina May Gaskin, and inspiration from a book of VBAC
stories, I wrote down all the ways that I would work to cope with pain,
starting with watching a movie, and going on to vocalizing, hot showers,
and all that stuff. I felt like I had a battle plan this time!

-What was labor like for you?

Labor was awesome. And short. My doctor had guessed that my
labor would last about 6 hours. I noticed labor starting that morning
as we were getting out the door to church, and sat there timing
contractions the whole two hours (for you Mormons out there, it was our
stake conference!), almost always five to seven minutes apart. I got
home, began a load of laundry, started packing my hospital bag, and
called all my family to tell them that I was in labor. I felt the
opposite from my first birth-- where before I'd been scared to have a
baby to take care of, this time around I knew that I could take care of
my baby, and I knew that I would love her. I could hardly wait to meet
her! (Continued in next question.)

-Describe your VBAC birth story. We would LOVE to hear about it!
But then labor completely stopped! I was so disappointed. We
walked around to try to kick-start it back up again, but got nothing.
So then I had to call everyone back and tell them that I wasn't in labor
after all. So instead I sat around reading a book. My husband went
out and did his home teaching and attended a youth fireside (more Mormon
lingo, sorry to all you who aren't members!). And we went to bed
early. Every hour I would have one contraction that woke me up, but
other than that I slept pretty well. Until one in the morning, when
they started back up again and I couldn't sleep. So I wandered around
our apartment, eating a bowl of cereal, reading my book, doing whatever I
could without waking anyone up. I tried to time the contractions
myself, but I kept getting confused doing it-- either I couldn't see the
clock well, or I'd lose count. My guess, now, is that they were
painful enough and I was tired enough that my brain just couldn't quite
process it all. (Tip: if you're in too much pain to time your
contractions, you might be getting pretty far along in your labor!)

Finally at two in the morning I woke up my husband and told him he
should call his parents and ask them to come and watch Bentley so we
would be able to go to the hospital. Craig's parents live about an hour
away, so I figured that should be pretty good timing for it all. The Big Book of Birth
recommended you wait to go to the hospital until your contractions were
three minutes apart, one minute long, and have been that way for one
hour. Everything I had read said that the best way to have a successful
VBAC was to not go to the hospital too early, so I was bound and
determined to stay home as long as I possibly could.

While Craig was on the phone, I got in the shower, which was GREAT.
Who knew that hot water could feel so good? The contractions were
still getting stronger, but in between them it was so relaxing! The
problem, then, was forcing myself to get back OUT of the shower. Each
time I'd be about to step out, another contraction would come, so I'd
tell myself that once I'd calmed down from this one, I'd get out... It
took running out of hot water to make that actually happen!

So finally I dragged myself out of the shower, but by this time
everything was getting pretty painful and I was getting nervous. Each
contraction left me really shaky and I told Craig I wasn't sure that I
was going to be able to handle a natural childbirth after all; I felt
like I was barely handling the pain as it was, and figured I was
probably only half-way there still. I'd probably need to get an
epidural after all. Looking back now, I was probably in transition and
just didn't know it. In the meantime, we went ahead and called the
nurse to make sure it was okay that I headed to the hospital (they want
to make sure you don't come in too early). As I was talking to her I
had a contraction and she listened to me whimper through it and asked me
some questions-- how long had they been like that, how frequent were
the contractions, was I feeling an urge to push... All that stuff.
Finally, she said it fine for me to come; she would just call the
doctor and tell him to expect us (especially since this was a VBAC
delivery).

We hung up the phone and with the next contraction, as I was sitting on the birthing ball, I felt the urge to push.

I told Craig and his response was immediate: "Don't push! We have to go to the hospital!"

"But I have to!" was all I could say back. (Women who've had babies
will understand that logic; I don't think it makes much sense to anyone
else.) I wasn't exactly thinking about what it meant that I was
pushing, I just knew that I needed to. And somewhere in the back of my
mind was the realization that there was NO WAY I could make it through
these contractions seat-belted into a car for twenty minutes, driving
over speed bumps and stuff! I'm not sure what I thought I could do
about that; I just knew I didn't want to get into a car.

I think I was looking for an excuse to get to push or something, but I
announced that maybe I just had to go to the bathroom, and hurried to
the toilet. Craig, smart man that he is, followed me and promptly
announced that he had just seen the baby's head and was calling 911. I
got into the bathtub and sat there rocking on my hands and knees, trying
not to push too much, but still sort of pushing (I think I was hoping
Craig wouldn't notice then or something...). While Craig was talking to
the dispatcher, the nurse called back to say that the doctor said we
could come to the hospital. Craig told her he could see the baby's head
and was talking with 911 and she wished us luck.

The dispatcher suggested I lie down on my left side and try to breathe
through the contractions. That seemed like about the dumbest thing I'd
ever heard, so I just ignored it. (Who can lay down on their left side
in a bathtub as tiny as ours was anyway???) As Craig explained that the
baby was beginning to crown, the dispatcher said he'd send two
ambulances.

They arrived remarkably quickly. I think they were there within five or
ten minutes of Craig calling. I don't really remember that time
waiting, but apparently Craig spent the time wandering around the
apartment wondering where he could find clean shoelaces to tie off the
umbilical cord with and trying to not hyperventilate. My poor freaked
out husband! Anyway, when they arrived, a whole mess of EMTs, most of
them volunteers, stormed into our little bedroom and told me that I
needed to stop pushing so they could get me out of the tub and into my
bed. I asked why I couldn't just push right there, but they said there
wasn't room for them to catch the baby. I'm not sure I really
understood their logic (how much room did they need???), but they helped
me to my feet between contractions and got me to the bed. All I had
time to do was to kneel on the bed and Craig announced that the head was
out. Even with him saying that, I don't think I really believed him
until I heard little Kendra start crying. Craig says it took her a
minute to cry, but it was a good healthy cry when it came! She was born
at 3:13am!

I flopped onto my stomach in relief and laid there waiting until they
had cut the cord before I could squirm around enough to actually look at
my baby girl. Then they handed her to me (after Craig had wiped her
down a bit—I don't think the EMTs knew how to do that!), wrapped me up
in gauze and threw a hospital gown over me (I think I'd been wearing
nothing but a bra, but I'm really not sure now). No one had had time to
bring the stretcher up the stairs, so I just walked down (someone took
the baby then) and climbed onto it myself. Then I got my baby back and
they strapped me in and wheeled us both out to the ambulance. My first
time riding in one! (And it was a much happier experience than being
wheeled to the Operating Room to have the c-section with Bentley!)

Meanwhile Craig was frantically calling his parents, trying to figure
out where they could be. He had gotten Bentley up (who apparently had
heard all the noise, as he was standing in his crib when Craig went into
his room) and was ready to follow us to the hospital. Just before he
could do that, his parents answered their phone; they were pulling into
our apartment complex right then (I think it's probably lucky they
didn't show up just a few minutes earlier!). He told them not to be
nervous when they saw the ambulances and they asked if those were for
me. "Well," said Craig, "they're for Alanna and Kendra." To which they gasped and said, "SHE'S HERE???"

The ambulance ride was fabulous. Three of the EMTs sitting in the back
with me had never helped out with a birth before and they were all
stoked, taking pictures on their cell phones and just generally as
excited and happy as I was about the whole thing. I don't think any
Labor and Delivery nurses would be that enthusiastic! It was fun
feeling like we were all the luckiest people in the world right then.

The hospital was completely the opposite, and it was sort of upsetting.
I'd been taken to a different hospital than where I'd planned on
delivering, and one where my insurance isn't accepted, so I wasn't on
any of their records. So the first thing the doctor asked me was if I
had been receiving "any pre-natal care AT ALL?" I've never been so
offended in my life! I never missed a single doctor's appointment with
Kendra OR with Bentley and here she is, assuming I'm some sort of
hippie-nut who hasn't taken care of myself or my baby! Anyway, I tried
to explain that the plan was to deliver at a hospital but the problem
was that my baby came too quickly. To that, the doctor spat out that
the problem was that I'd had a vaginal delivery after a c-section.
Craig jumped right in and pointed out that, No, that's called a VBAC
and it's a perfectly normal and acceptable
procedure. I had been too shocked to even respond, so I was glad he was
there to stick up for me. It's times like that when I really hate
doctors!

Anyway, they took Kendra away because they said babies born at home get
too cold. I'm pretty sure this was just a lie because the doctor
thought I was crazy (she also had a social worker stop by the next day
to "check in" on us, so, yeah she really hated our guts); when they
FINALLY brought her back two hours later (and after much begging on my
part) the nurse said we'd wrapped her up really well, because her
temperature had been fine the entire time; she wasn't even sure why
they'd kept her so long. (Like I said, I'm pretty sure this was the
doctor trying to prove that we didn't care about our baby or
something.) Also, in all fairness to the EMTs, I should explain that
they were the ones who'd heated the ambulance up really hot just to keep
my baby warm! While Kendra was away being warmed and bathed, they
stitched me up (just five or six stitches, apparently), which I found
more uncomfortable than labor had been. Go figure.

And after all that I was finally admitted to a room and left to be with my baby and husband.

And then, finally, life was good.

- Has the postpartum experience been different than your other birth/s? What about it surprised you?

The postpartum experience
was like night and day. I felt great-- I already said that I walked
down the stairs immediately after delivery! After the c-section I felt
like a zombie shuffling around the hospital hallways, but after this
delivery I felt like myself, but maybe a little sore (like you might
feel after a hard workout). It was wonderful. But even better than the
physical recovery was just the feeling that I had done it! I had read
lots of women's testimonials about how giving birth was so empowering,
and I always thought that seemed a little cheesy, or like they thought
they were better than everyone else or something. But after I did, I
GOT IT. I felt the same way-- a sort of awesome, "I am woman, hear me
roar" feeling combined with a sisterhood with all of womanhood who can
do such hard things. Some time after it all, a friend of mine went on a
week-long camping/hiking trip. I commented to her that I could never
do all that, to which she replied, "Um, you just delivered a baby at home.
I'm pretty sure you can do whatever you set your mind to!" And I
thought about that, and I thought, "You know, she's totally right! I can do whatever I set out to do!" And isn't that the greatest way to start out being a mother?

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Comments

I'm so sorry! I really didn't mean it that way at all-- I just meant that this was how the doctor seemed to perceive me. I certainly don't think that women who don't see a doctor for the prenatal treatment are crazy hippies or even people who aren't taking care of themselves! If I felt like that, I wouldn't be desperately searching for a midwife to help me care for my 4th pregnancy right now!

Some people will always get offended. I'm a crazy hippie and I think it was hilarious. Although I think if I were you I would just have a home birth next time :)My first came faster than expected and I totally understand not being able to get in the car when your husband says to do it- my brother and husband carried me to the car. The hospital also took my healthy newborn away (born 15 minutes after we got to the hospital) because she was "too cold". We had a homebirth for number 2, with a midwife who never touched me during labor and didn't take away my newborn either.