LE

I can't see it happening. Independence for Scotland would be a disaster. It would lead to massive cuts in welfare and other public expenditure if Scotland had to live without English funding. The economy would go in to meltdown while an effectively communist government argued about what shade of blue the new flag should be.

People north of the border may whine about independence but actually ticking the box in a referendum would be like turkeys voting for Christmas.

ArRSe is the Hotel California - You can log-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

Clanker

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Independence is a bad idea not just from an economic point of view, but political too. The UK would cease to exist - of what importance would (what is currently) Britain be in the world then?

Old-Salt

Independence for Scotland would be a disaster. It would lead to massive cuts in welfare and other public expenditure if Scotland had to live without English funding. The economy would go in to meltdown while an effectively communist government argued about what shade of blue the new flag should be.

LE

Independence for Scotland would be a disaster. It would lead to massive cuts in welfare and other public expenditure if Scotland had to live without English funding. The economy would go in to meltdown while an effectively communist government argued about what shade of blue the new flag should be.

For a start, a massive influx of refugees. Blairs policy of purging the UK's stocks of landmines means that the border could not be effectively controlled.

Being unable to speak our language, they'd have no hope of getting jobs to support themselves. Towns as far south as Liverpool would be awash with destitute Jocks clad in shell suits and sprinting between job centres seeking disability living allowance.

England's existing strategic stockpiles of Carlsberg special brew, fried food and heroin would be rapidly exhausted by this 'Tartan army'. We could even be faced with Tommy Sheridan and his Scottish Socialist Party mates buying up all the memberships for swingers clubs (allegedly - don't sue us Tommy).

ArRSe is the Hotel California - You can log-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

LE

Independence for Scotland would be a disaster. It would lead to massive cuts in welfare and other public expenditure if Scotland had to live without English funding. The economy would go in to meltdown while an effectively communist government argued about what shade of blue the new flag should be.

For a start, a massive influx of refugees. Blairs policy of purging the UK's stocks of landmines means that the border could not be effectively controlled.

Being unable to speak our language, they'd have no hope of getting jobs to support themselves. Towns as far south as Liverpool would be awash with destitute Jocks clad in shell suits and sprinting between job centres seeking disability living allowance.

England's existing strategic stockpiles of Carlsberg special brew, fried food and heroin would be rapidly exhausted by this 'Tartan army'. We could even be faced with Tommy Sheridan and his Scottish Socialist Party mates buying up all the memberships for swingers clubs (allegedly - don't sue us Tommy).

Biscuits_AB

Guest

Independence for Scotland would be a disaster. It would lead to massive cuts in welfare and other public expenditure if Scotland had to live without English funding. The economy would go in to meltdown while an effectively communist government argued about what shade of blue the new flag should be.

For a start, a massive influx of refugees. Blairs policy of purging the UK's stocks of landmines means that the border could not be effectively controlled.

Being unable to speak our language, they'd have no hope of getting jobs to support themselves. Towns as far south as Liverpool would be awash with destitute Jocks clad in shell suits and sprinting between job centres seeking disability living allowance.

England's existing strategic stockpiles of Carlsberg special brew, fried food and heroin would be rapidly exhausted by this 'Tartan army'. We could even be faced with Tommy Sheridan and his Scottish Socialist Party mates buying up all the memberships for swingers clubs (allegedly - don't sue us Tommy).

There's only one possible solution. The weapons are already in place. We must destroy Scotland in a surprise nuclear attack.

If Tony presses the button at around 10am on the day the giros are delivered, they should all be too p1ssed to defend themselved. By the time the melting ice caps start making our gardens too soggy to play croquet, the radioactive fallout should be down to manageable levels.

With any luck the bodies of the dead will have been disposed of by the few remaining survivors - probably by coating them in batter and deep frying them first. All that would be left for us to do is recycle massive pile of empty bottles of Buckfast tonic wine.

Total unilateral nuclear disarmarment would keep the SNP happy too. Some may argue that nuking Scotland would be appeasement of the ban the bomb brigade but I say that it could be a real act of humanity.

After all, if Scotland was a horse, you'd have no hesitation in nuking it, would you?

ArRSe is the Hotel California - You can log-out any time you like, but you can never leave!

Old-Salt

The fact is, however, that Holyrood would never stand for it. They would immediately pass a raft of legislation banning dying from such diverse maladies as total body disintigration, plutonium poisoning and Buckfast excess. Wee Jack (El Presidente for Life) would simply scrawl his signature, and it would be so.

That is how it works at these latitudes.

By such a simple expedient, your plan, I'm afraid, would come to nought.

LE

"As we moved slowly through the outskirts of the town we passed row after row of little grey slum houses running at right angles to the embankment. At the back of one of the houses a young woman was kneeling on the stones, poking a stick up the leaden waste-pipe which ran from the sink inside and which I suppose was blocked. I had time to see everything about her - her sacking apron, her clumsy clogs, her arms reddened by the cold. She looked up as the train passed, and I was almost near enough to catch her eye." Orwell, The Road to Wigan Pier

There's only one possible solution. The weapons are already in place. We must destroy Scotland in a surprise nuclear attack.

If Tony presses the button at around 10am on the day the giros are delivered, they should all be too p1ssed to defend themselved. By the time the melting ice caps start making our gardens too soggy to play croquet, the radioactive fallout should be down to manageable levels.

With any luck the bodies of the dead will have been disposed of by the few remaining survivors - probably by coating them in batter and deep frying them first. All that would be left for us to do is recycle massive pile of empty bottles of Buckfast tonic wine.

Total unilateral nuclear disarmarment would keep the SNP happy too. Some may argue that nuking Scotland would be appeasement of the ban the bomb brigade but I say that it could be a real act of humanity.

After all, if Scotland was a horse, you'd have no hesitation in nuking it, would you?

You'd have no one to press the button as your Giro's are delivered at 9am and you would all be in the 'Offy' queue until at least gone 12, then you'd be in the bookies until 2, blow 90% of it on a losing horse, then round to the Newsagent/24 Hr service station for a fivers worth of 'unlucky dips' ('cos you never win) and then off to the boozer to sup whats left, before heading off home for a spot of 'wife slapping' and 'kiddie fiddling' and eventually falling into a stupour on the burst couch, where you spend the remaining 6 days of your week before next Giro day.

Old-Salt

A Papist God worrier sticks his beak into matters that are sod all to do with him: cue the Hadrian's Wall appreciation society and standard brick lobbing. These buggers wind you all up like clockwork mice and off you go! Is anybody going to have a gob at the Reverend wee Jock McPlop?

Old-Salt

A Papist God worrier sticks his beak into matters that are sod all to do with him: cue the Hadrian's Wall appreciation society and standard brick lobbing. These buggers wind you all up like clockwork mice and off you go! Is anybody going to have a gob at the Reverend wee Jock McPlop?