It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

No!

Wait…

Is that a football?

No, but it is brown.

And it is oblong.

Hey, it’s smoking!

Wait!

It’s a hot potato!

It’s America’s new national past time and no, sorry, Husker fans, it is not football.

It's called Pipeline Hot Potato.

So, let's play!

Let's meet our contestants, shall we?

First, straight from the Governor's Mansion in Lincoln, we have Dave Heineman.

Welcome Governor Dave. Tell the audience a little bit about yourself, your role in the pipeline project and where you stand right now.

Gov. Dave: "Who me, worry?"

Gov. Dave:Hello, Nebraska! I'm Governor Dave and I'm here because apparently the people of Nebraska are still talking about the important subject of the pipeline. Nebraskans want to protect the Sandhills and the Ogallala aquifer. (grin)

Gov. Dave: As I said, the people of Nebraska are concerned, so I thought I should call our legislators together to address the subject. I've always been concerned about this, but I didn't realize Nebraska could do anything about it. I thought pipelines were federal issues! (Big grin) It turns out, there is a new era in states rights we're learning about. It's historic! (chuckle)

(Cue laugh tracks)

(Gov. Dave continues to grin.)

Gov. Dave, why didn't you introduce a proposal?

(Gov. Dave blinks.)

Gov. Dave:Well, I thought I should give the Senators in our Legislature the chance to represent their constituents; we need to have a conversation about the pipeline and I thought the Senators should start that conversation. (Grin )

Gov. Dave:I asked Coach Tom to help me with my throw, so I think I'm well prepared.

Well, we shall see.

It'll be an exciting game. Let's meet some of your competitors.

Speaker of the Legislature Mike Flood: "You've made me very angry!"

Next we have State Senator Mike Flood, Speaker of the Nebraska Unicameral. Senator Flood!

Flood: (Strides in purposefully, adjusts glasses, nods)

(Silence)

Speaker Flood, would you please say hello to the audience?

Flood: (Clears throat - waves awkwardly) Hello. (Nods)

Speaker Flood, could you tell our audience a little about your position on the pipeline project?

Mike: (Clears throat again - shifts ) I'm here because apparently I need more practice at this game. I really thought I had this issue completely handled - because it was too late to do anything. (Clears throat again) I thought I made that fairly clear in that Friday statement I made a few weeks ago.(Glares again at Gov. Dave) But, uh, apparently, some people misunderstood - they didn't realize - my plan handled the problem. (Shifts his glance to Gov. Dave)

(Gov. Dave's grin slips...just for a second.)

So, we'll see if you can take care of business this time, Speaker Flood.

Speaker Flood: (Glaring at Gov. Dave) Oh, I intend to.

(Gov. Dave's grin slips...again...just for a second.)

And now, another member of the Nebraska Legislature, Senator Annette Dubas. Senator Dubas is also a member of the Legislature's Natural Resources Committee. Welcome, Senator.

(Silence)

(Silence)

Senator Dubas?

(Dubas, looking lost, wanders out from the side of the stage, looks around)

Attorney General Jon Bruning: "I can't comment on the pipeline, but if I could, I'd lead the charge."

Bruning:Hey, there, folks! We all know the people of Nebraska have one thing in mind, and that's getting rid of Mr. Cornhusker Kickback himself, Ben Nelson. As your next representative in the United States Senate, I will vote to repeal Obamacare! And of course---

Attorney General, this is not a campaign event. What is your role in the pipeline project so far and what is your position on the subject?

Bruning:Pipeline? Oh, is that what this is about? I have had no involvement whatsoever, and I can't now. Unfortunately, I can't speak at all about the pipeline. Nope. I might be involved in some future litigation, so, if I comment on the issue, I compromise my ability to properly litigate a case. We wouldn't want to compromise the interests of the Nebraska people, now would we? (Big grin)

What happens if the Legislature actually passes some legislation about siting? Doesn't that require your involvement? You know, the paperwork you'd have to file with the Federal government?

Bruning: (Turns red again, raises hand to start shaking his finger) Now, wait just a minute! I-- (Gov. Dave steps over, puts his hand on Bruning's shoulder, whispers something in Bruning's ear, grins, and then steps back to his spot. Bruning takes a deep breath.) I have no comment about the pipeline.

Well, Mr. Bruning, we recommend, when we commence play, you better throw hard.

State Senator Tony Fulton: "In politics... never retreat, never retract... never admit a mistake."

(Tony Fulton walks onto the stage, smoothing his mussed hair, straightens the collar on his polo shirt, which has "Tony Fulton for State Treasurer" embroidered on the front - moves into a spot at the end of the row of contestants - smiles and waves.)

Fulton:Sorry, I'm late guys.

Senator Fulton? Can we help you? What are you doing here?

Fulton:What am I doing here? I'm here to speak about excessive government regulation.

And 3rd District Congressman Adrian Smith is still missing. The FBI has actually issued a flyer, which we're showing on the screen now. Since the Congressman has been missing for so long, the FBI is now asking for the public's assistance in the search. Please take some flyers home with you when you leave today and distribute them, tack them to sign posts, leave some in the local cafes, and so on.

Moving on to our last two contestants; next, we have Secretary of State Hillary Clinton.

Clinton:Hello Nebraskans! I'm so pleased to be here today to participate in this event. I've always said it's important to work directly with the people. I'm confident that despite any potential difficulties, with the work of all of the stakeholders; the Governor, the members of the Legislature, the representatives of the TransCanada pipeline company, the National Energy Board of Canada, the diplomats from the Canadian government, the landowners, the Environmental Protection Agency, the other states where the pipeline is to be built, the workers who will build the line, and the officials at various levels within all of the agencies, we will be able to go through all of the issues and come to----

I'm sorry Secretary Clinton, but we're on a schedule. And speaking of that, we notice you were a last minute addition to the contestant list. Why is that?

Secretary Clinton: "I worked hard on this and what did these guys do? They just yak."

Secretary Clinton:Thank you.Upon further consideration, the President and I have decided that this project requires further review. The President personally requested the State Department get involved once again. (Pastes on crooked smile)

(An entourage of Secret Service agents enter, examining the scene. The agent out front nods and talks into his wrist. Two men appear from behind the agents, rolling out a red carpet. Behind them is a workman carrying a teleprompter. The agents and workmen disperse, and in strides President Barack Obama, waving at the audience.)

President Obama: I've come to save the day (that means Election Day)

President Obama:Good afternoon, Nebraska. As I've always said, I value domestic energy independence, and it's no secret that I'm for creating and saving jobs. But let me be clear - I listen to the voice of the American people. We need to take our time and make sure we're doing this pipeline project right. We want to protect our environment and have safe drinking water for the children. I've asked Secretary Clinton to oversee an additional review process. So, when that process has concluded, we will come to a decision and let everyone know. But, Michelle is waiting back at the White House, we have a State Dinner this evening with a delegation from Djibouti, so I need to get going. Let's play this game! Jane?

Jane Kleeb: "Ha! Maybe Scott and I can't get a high office - YET, but this was like taking candy from a baby! Repubs are talkin' environment, farmers think I'm cool. SUCKERS."

(Kleeb stands up straight; her "Stand With Randy" t-shirt tucked into black jeans, which are, in turn, tucked into a pair of cowboy boots. She gives President Obama a nod and a wink, then walks toward him, pulling a remote control from her pocket, and places it in his hand. He smiles, nods and pockets the remote. Jane takes a place beside the President with a satisfied smile.)

Contestants! It's time to compete!

Your hot potatoes will be tossed in 10 seconds.

(Gov. Dave steps forward)

Gov. Dave:Now hold on just a second, this isn't a fair deal---

Governor, you need to step back in position, 8 seconds!

(President Obama and Secretary Clinton calmly hold their hands up while two Secret Service agents place teflon-coated gloves over their hands.)

3

2

1!

(As a hail of hot potatoes is launched toward the contestants, mayhem ensues. Annette Dubas looks dumbfoundedly at the object in her hand as Gov. Dave steps backward to do a quarterback throw while wincing, not seeing that Deb Fischer, Mike Flood, and Tony Fulton have just lobbed their potatoes at his head...)

(Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton calmly walk over to the cart, placing their potatoes in their designated positions. Each steps back as Obama aims the remote at the cart. Sounds of an engine flaring are heard. )

(As flames shoot from the missile tail and it begins to launch, Hillary Clinton notices Annette Dubas is screaming, so she calmly walks over and removes the potato from her hand, dropping it to the floor, motions to someone off stage)

Well, that's all we have time for this game, Nebraska.

Looks like President Obama and Secretary Clinton have won this round.

Looks like it might be kind of a mess for the rest of these contestants, though.

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IMAGE CREDITS

Images of Nebraska officials taken from the Nebraska Legislature and Update site, as well as the Governor's official website

It looks very detailed, at least. Accuracy is a tough one in a case, at least potentially, because there are so many sources of information. How does one actually verify? IF, however, the NPMS is a central warehouse for this information and is used by gas companies, government entities, etc., etc., it may well be the most accurate.

The only “problem” with the NPMS is that it is a bit frustrating if you wish to view the whole state at once – it’s not possible as a layman to do so; viewing is only available on a county by county basis.

Here’s an example from Lancaster County:

Not sure if that really answers the question, but I am curious about this generally.

I’ve heard similar figures about miles of pipeline – seems like this fact underlines that the hysteria on this subject should NOT be the focus. If you find something interesting in looking at some maps, please do stop by and share what you’ve dug up.