What Bachelorette Parties Would Look Like If We Celebrated Being Single

Bring on the “I’m free” balloons.

Leigh Weingus

Oct 16, 2018 | 2:00 PM

There is a lot of celebration around the act of finding someone to share your life with: bachelorette parties, bridal showers, engagement parties, not to mention the wedding. Perhaps none are more cliché (and expensive) than the “bach,” with its party destinations, penis decorations, and “hey ladies!” emails.

Recently, we had a thought: What would bachelorette parties look like if we celebrated being single instead of partnering up? We’re all about making dreams a reality, so here’s how we see a solo blowout stacking up — “I’m free” balloons and all.

You’d pack super-comfortable, probably unflattering underwear.

You’ve got absolutely no one to impress underwear-wise. You can don the most comfortable, least well-fitting pair of underwear ever and no one will even bat an eye — because there’s no one to see them. So long, thongs!

You’d hang a banner that says, “I asked, I can say whatever I want.”

You, my friend, don’t have to answer anyone, so get yourself a banner saying just that and string it up ASAP.

You’d party in a midi skirt.

Because being single means you don’t have to feel compelled to shave above the knee. Ever.

You’d only buy your preferred type of alcohol.

You want gin? You get gin.

You’d nosh exclusively your snack of choice.

Ditto the above. Yogurt-covered pretzels, here you come.

You’d blow up a bunch of those bubble balloons that spell out “I’m free.”

Balloons that say “Bride” and “Ms to Mrs” are a nice way to celebrate a woman who’s about to get married, and “I’m free” balloons are a great way to celebrate being recently single — or being single and happy for a long time.

You’d keep a box of condoms on hand.

Because safe sex is where it’s at, and you can have it with whomever you want.

You’d buy decadent souvenirs for everyone in your crew.

You don’t have to spend the next however-many-years spending money on gifts for a partner, so why not go out all out for your friends?