Apple Girl

I know it’s kind of a hard name to hear, I mean, have you looked at an apple lately? It’s not the sexiest fruit in the produce aisle, but you’re not an apple—you’re an apple shape, and that’s something you can make work (“werk” even). For starters, you’ve got a great rack and some nice stems. You may wonder if nature forgot to give you waist, and you were pretty sure Queen’s “Fat-bottom Girls” was about you until you realized they weren’t saying flat, but those are things a few special pieces of shapewear can take care of in a jiffy.

And I know you were always secretly hoping to turn out to be an hourglass girl or have admired a pear’s comparably tiny torso and lush tush, but don’t sell yourself short. Instead, go buy some clothes that will help you rock what’cha got.

First, if you’re a shapewear kind of gal, I’ve got one word for you: torsette. I’ve heard waist cinchers are good too, but why just cinch the waist when you can cinch the waist AND smooth everything out? (Everything meaning the front pooch and the back rolls.) We carry our weight on our torso, apple girl—it’s just the way our bodies are—and the oh so aptly named torsette helps disguise some of the lumps and bumps, while also letting us wear our own bras! Smoothing out the python that’s seemingly wrapped itself around my trunk and still getting to wear my nice, comfy DD holder from Victoria’s Secret? Yes, please.

Next, (and my apple sister, we should have this tattooed on our bodies somewhere) empire waists are our friends. Now this doesn’t mean you have to Baby Spice it—there are plenty of empire waist items that don’t look like they belong on a four-year old. Basically, aim for something that embraces your luscious bust, but just kind of hover-hands anything below the bra line (It still has the shape of your body, but it doesn’t cuddle right up against it).

And if you keep seeing something super cute and empire-y and then are appalled when you realize you’ve ended up in Target’s maternity section AGAIN, stop getting so hung up on labels. Maternity just means a little extra room in the belly, and guess what apple girl? That’s where we need our clothes to be a little bit more forgiving. If you’re killing it in a super fetch maxi dress, droppin’ jaws left and right, does it really matter what section you got it in?

Now, remember that waist that nature forgot? It can make wearing jeans, or bottoms in general, rather . . . challenging. If you don’t get a pair that sits on your natural “waist” (that barely there indention in between the top of the spare tire and the bottom of your ribs) you’re gonna have a bad time. You’ll spend all day either hitchin’ up them britches or bemoaning that sweet belt bulge you see every time you walk past a reflective surface. I know that waist-high anything probably sounds like granny-wear, but as long as you’re not tucking something into those babies, no one has to know how high your pants go. And denim, with just a touch of spandex, is almost as good as shapewear (I said ALMOST).

As for trying to find high-waisted jeans that give you an ass? I’m sure they’re out there, but they might cost $250 or something, and you can get some of those butt implant panties for like, $25.

There are lots of other “secrets” I could share (like how the right kind of long cardigan can hide a multitude of sins, and that a button up shirt that doesn’t look like it’s about to concuss someone with a button is worth all of our weights in gold), but I don’t want to give you a checklist of what to stock your closet with. Sure I recommend sticking with apple-friendly basics, but there’s a whole lot more out there than basics, right girl? Don’t be afraid to try on something new and scary; we should pay attention to our shape, but not let it dictate every single one of our dressing room choices.

Yes! I have an apple shape and am trying to try to mix it up beyond the basics. Lately I’ve been trying maxi dresses, but so many of them have that weird elastic that hits low and makes the upper body look so round. I will not give up, as you said. Am determined to find things that make me feel and look good!

OMG YES. Drop waists are the devil, and you can’t always tell where it’s going to hit until you try the dress on. And then you’re like “Wow, I thought I couldn’t look worse. I was wrong. Thanks dress/shirt/shroud of shame!”

Gah, I hate being an apple. Not having a waist makes wearing jeans impossible. I used to hate to ‘dress up’ but dress clothes – like the empire waist dresses – are easier. I still wear maternity pants because they love apple gals.

All maternity clothes love apple girls; they understand us and our belly “situation.” (And then hey, if you end up getting pregnant, you don’t have to change your style.)

RandiMay 17, 2013 at 8:31 am

As an apple girl, this is the greatest thing I ever read. My boyfriend is constantly wondering why my pants ride higher than others…ummm its because I don’t have a butt so I have too. Why does no one else write about those apple girls in those “how to dress for your shape”. I am sorry, I am not “boy shaped” (that wonderful term they came up with for those with no waist)….I have a plumpy stomach so no, that straight cut dress is not going to work for me.
Empire waist has always been my go to. I have never looked in the maternity section, but that may be a new stop for me.

I actually own multiple torsettes with varying levels of . . . assistance. My super favorite heavy duty one has a line of hook and eye closures down the front, so I have to be careful about what I wear it under.

Oh shoulders . . . . They make my head look miniscule when I pull my hair back. I’ve found boot cut/flare jeans help balance them out and that long hair can disguise them a bit, but that’s about it. You find out any more tips, you let me know!

You’re speaking my language, girl! I’ve often wondered about trying maternity wear for the reason you mention, but hadn’t ventured there yet. Nothing ventured, nothing gained! This girl’s looking for a new dress (because to echo a commenter above, I’ve started to believe that dresses are my friend lately!) and why not try one, at least?

VeraMay 17, 2013 at 3:38 pm

Boy-oh-boy would I love to see more pictures of Plus Sized Apple ladies rocking some hot outfits! It is SUCH a damn struggle to find things to wear with this shape. I’m sorry that I’m not the “good” fat, and don’t just look like a taller/thicker version of a straight size model, but I think I still deserve to see models that even KIND OF look like me, and clothing made to flatter my body. Apples unite!

Damn Target for putting the maternity and plus size section next to each other!

I’m apple-shaped, but I wasn’t blessed with the boobs that are supposed to go with it. So I mostly look like a small-chested pregnant lady all the time. I didn’t mind so much when I was pregnant, but it’s impossible to dress.

I just bought an empire waist jersey dress at Target today and I’m hoping with a waist cincher it’ll look good. Of course I wasn’t able to try it on in the store. Those dressing rooms aren’t made for the mega kid cart I was battle axe-ing through the store.

AmandaMay 26, 2013 at 8:31 am

Another apple here! And thank you for the tips! Like someone said above, whenever magazines talk about different shapes, I rarely see apple mentioned, and I’m nowhere near skinny enough to be a boy shape. Anyway, I wanted to comment on the maternity clothes thing: I have a knit maternity dress that I bought from Old Navy when I was pregnant, and I still wear it – and get compliments on it – to this day. It is comfortable and flattering.

KimJune 4, 2013 at 9:51 am

Alright, I found my courage and walked over to the Target maternity section. I grabbed several shorts and tried them on. The shorts remind me of the Jag brand, pull on pants, which are very popular right now. As I’m looking in the mirror I notice my front looks flattened out, I’m not sticking out all over the place and I don’t have that bulge where my pants normally fold over and the button sticks out. They look great and I’m happy!! Thanks for the suggestions!

katherineJune 14, 2013 at 6:46 am

yes, apples unite! I’m so glad to read that I’m not alone- virtually impossible for me to find a pair of jeans and I’m so sick of hearing my husband complain about how my jeans don’t fit me “right.” time to see more apples in the spotlight!