CHOOBLOG

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Forgive me assholes for I have sinned. It has been fucking ages since my last exposition. The main reason for this is that it was brought to my attention that I am just way too fucking awesome, and that it was therefore unfair on all the other bloggers and suchlike out there on the interwebs. Thus, as a gesture of my magnificent generosity, which is rivaled only by that of the federal government towards Halliburton, I decided to take a break. However, I have since realized that everyone else is a cunt, and does not deserve to be blessed by my overly philanthropic ways. Furthermore, there have been some grievous occurrences that cannot be properly understood until the proponents have been labeled shitgoblins, and properly chastised. For example, the governor of Georgia, Sonny Perdue has just this week shown that he was the right man for the job, because he is going to solve their drought using the power of prayer. When this fails I fully expect them to sue the local churches for dereliction of diety. This may not work though because it’s pretty obvious that god hates Georgia, otherwise why send a drought in the first place? This isn’t the work of the Devil because he has said “Georgia? Fuck that shit man, I aint never going back to that shithole. It’s worse than fucking Alabama, for real. Those mountain folk are the worst retards I’ve ever seen, and I’ve been hanging out with the Bush family since I met them at one of Hitler’s cocktail parties back in 1938. The entire state stinks like Jerry Falwell corpse, which I have been saving so Pat Robertson can assfuck it when he comes down to hell for his annual visit. There’s no fucking way I am going to do anything in the toilet state. Jehovah can have it”.Sonny Perdue might seem like a polesmoking nancy boy, but you have to admit, it takes balls of steel to call god out on his drought. Of course, there’s a good chance that, like most christologists, he probably doesn’t actually believe that god exists, so really all this praying is just bullshit to keep the sheeple impressed with his christiness. What a cumchugging dildo. What will they say when there is no rain? The usual shit: you can’t test the lord. He works in mysterious ways. The people did not have enough faith. And if it rains? Praise him! For he had blessed us with the glory of water magically falling from the heavens. Oh sweet and merciful god, now that you have revealed your majestic presence, is there any danger of doing something about wars and cancer and child abuse and all that other shit that sucks arse? Nah, I thought not. You pikey mother fucker. If I lived in Georgia apart from having a high chance of being a cousin fucking christ puncher, I’d probably be a bit pissed off about my tax dollars being used in such an inefficient manner. Instead of praying I would prefer to see some sort of action. If whining to god is the only plan the state can come up with then at least they could play it safe and whine to all the gods. I’d start with Poseidon since he’s got a lot of experience with this kind of shit. God does do floods, but he’s a hack and goes way overboard. And you might as well give that child raping camel fucker muhammed a go as well. His miracles are a bit wanky, and seem to revolve around raisins, but why not give the dirty bastard a chance. After all, his followers are mostly illiterate sand people so they have probably had some water complaints over the years. Probably the best plan though would be to take the hint and get the fuck out of Georgia. New Orleans might be a good place to try. They don’t have too many droughts down there.

FH: No way dude, I’m totally serious, my farts are like the breathe of god. You have to take a drag, otherwise you’ll never know the love of the creator.

NP: Because I prefer not to inhale the gaseous emissions of your digestive system?

FH: The lord is everywhere, even in my ass. But my farts are special. I cut the one true cheese, and you are a fool if you won’t at least take a look and see the good news for yourself.

NP: I find it a bit strange that your farts supposedly smell so good, while the rest of your carcass emits a pervasive and rank odour. Indeed, this leads me to conclude that you are not being entirely honest, or at least that your brain works only in a limited capacity.

FH: My farts smell like a sunrise.

NP: I know, you said that already. By the way, I wasn’t aware that there was any particular smell associated with a sunrise. What does a sunrise smell like?

FH: My farts.

NP: Of course.

FH: you have to check it out. If you don’t your immoral soul is in danger

NP: Don’t you mean immortal?

FH: I know what I mean. You are evil, that’s why you don’t want to inhale the lord’s goodness.

NP: That really isn’t the reason, and if you don’t stop waving that disgusting ass tube in my face you’ll regret it.

FH: See how the presence of God angers you. Evil doer. Evil doer.

NP: It’s the presence of stank that angers me, by which I mean you of course.

FH: Inhale and be saved. What have you got to lose?

NP: My lunch, not to mention self respect and dignity. The idea of sucking your ass gas out of a plastic tube solely because you insist that it smells like a sunrise and is the breathe of god is beyond absurd. You can’t honestly think that any rational human being would entertain the notion.

FH: That’s where you’re wrong sinner. There are hundreds of wise people who have smelled the lord. Not everyone wants to go to hell.

NP: You lie. No normal person would willingly accede to such a vile practice.

FH: I speak the truth. My farts smell like a sunrise, and taste of eternal life. Don’t you want eternal life?

NP: What, smelling your ass for all eternity? No thanks. I’ll be more than happy to pass on into oblivion if that’s the alternative.

FH: For you the alternative is hell, where your nether regions are the playthings of twisted demons.

NP: Meh, compared to bum sucking that doesn’t seem so bad.

FH: Go then sinner, but know this: the lord came to you through me. The lord offered you to drinketh from his cup through me. The lord offered you eternal life in heaven through me, but you denied him. You turned away his light, and refused the sunrise farts of the holy guff, and for that you will be cast out.

NP: Ok, I’ll write that down when I get back to my home, where I live.

Monday, May 14, 2007

You may have seen some of this retarded gibberish around, on cars or worn by slack jawed christ punching sheeple. These jeetards seem to think that it is a good idea to bring the absurd nature of their holy crap to the attention of others. Why? Well, that’s a good question, inasmuch as any question related to christologists can be good (other than “where did they all go?).

You don’t see NAMBLA members putting stickers on their cuntwagons: “Not of this generation” or perhaps “He has risen, thanks to Viagra”. Admittedly they have to save their money to pay for their Bangkok child rape jaunts, but still one can’t help but think that perhaps, deep down, they are actually ashamed of their filthy predilections. Not so with the god botherers: they flaunt their ignorance with extreme pride because they are sofa king stupid. Too dumb to know how dumb they are, and victims of one of the biggest cons in human history. To say that those sporting the NOTW paraphernalia are huge assholes is an insult to Goatse. Indeed, non-christified people would rather have their vehicles decorated by Tub Girl (in her own inimitable way) than the buy-bull waving imbeciles at NOTW. Moreover, it has not escaped my attention that a disproportionate number of these cumchuggers drive absurdly large pick up trucks or SUV’s. It’s almost as though they were not satisfied with being ordinary arseclowns, and decided that they simply had to find a way to become mega-arseclowns. One can immediately see that the NOTW store targets losers by looking at the “models” they chose to tout their tacky crap.

These aspiring dorks are most likely typical of the sort of cunt they are after. As always, anything with the Jeebus touch has two main goals: to get money from and to indoctrinate as many tards as possible. Thus, in addition to charging rip off prices for cheap shite (fuck helping the poor, that’s not the Christian way) the good old boys at c28 (the NOTW parent company) are just waiting to force some Christology deep up as many assholes as they can, as is evidenced by this colossal tripe culled from their wanksite.

<>"We all need Jesus because God loves us, has plans for us and wants a direct relationship with us. The Holy Bible tells us we need Jesus because without Him there is no access to God, no eternal life, no peace nor purpose. To have a relationship with God, we must first understand man is born with a big problem. The big problem is sin and sin separates us from a Holy God. But do not fear, God loves us, is merciful and has provided a way out for us.

<>

Have you ever taken anything that does not belong to you? Have you ever exaggerated the truth? Have you ever hated anyone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have already broken one of the Ten Commandments (and there is [sic] still seven more Commandments to go through). The Holy Bible teaches us that the due penalty of breaking any of the Ten Commandments is judgment (death in Hell).<>

In concluding [sic], Jesus died and rose on the third day conquering death so those who believe in Him may also live forever in eternity with Him and God. The forgiveness of our sins comes through the greatest gift to mankind, the undeserved grace through Jesus Christ! Why? Because He loves us and wants us to live a full and complete life on this earth and in heaven!!!”

I find it rather surprising that exaggerating the truth will get you a one way ticket to hell since the entire basis for the christian scam is exaggerating what is probably a lie. Still, if christology made sense to me it would be all I could do to mash the keyboard with my palms and drool on the mouse, and I would not therefore be able to write this. Certainly the whole “krazee krist died for our sins, even though he didn’t really die” continues to make NO FUCKING SENSE AT ALL. For those of us who have not been brainwashed it may be impossible to understand what they are trying to say. In a land where the churches are full and the libraries are empty there really is no reason to make their lies coherent or sensible. The details of the religion are quite irrelevant. It is adherence to orders that matter, not the order of the coherence. In this milieu there is obviously only one way to reel in more faithfools; you have to make jeetardation look cool, and that can only be achieved with the ultra stylish garments and other shit offered by the cumchugging spastic raping con merchants at NOTW. As you may have guessed, I am not a Christian, but Jesus H Christ those outfits are so fucking cool I just have to get some.

hey dude, you can play with your balls if you wear these awesome pants

I have wankers cramp in both of my arms but it was totally worth it

hey baby, do you wanna see my abstinence pledge? it's tattooed on my firm young ass

Oh shit biyatch! Now my wankers cramp is even worse

Good day to you sir. I am a christian twat.

You have to give these guys credit: it's not easy making christ punching look even more retarded than it already does without going nuclear and pulling a Phelps, or going the full Robertson. Anything that helps to highlight the unbelievable fecal futility of religious thought is a good thing, unless it explodes or something.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

As most normal people know, Christ punchers are full of shit. It’s almost embarrassing to simply state this because it is so obvious, but what is not so obvious are the incredible lengths to which these blinkered fools will go in order to (inadvertently) demonstrate this point. One area in which godidiots routinely reveal their spectacularly shocking ignorance is when they speak of science. It may be an asinine attempt to refute evolution “how come there is still monkeys if we is all come from monkeys then? It don’t make no sense” or some confused invocation of the laws of thermodynamics to prove that….. Actually, I don’t know what they are trying to prove when they do that. Maybe they are just trying to make intelligent brains shut down so as to protect their fragile “arguments”.

In almost all cases the assclowns trying to use science to back up their religious views (or even just trying to demonstrate that there is no contradiction (by the way, pi is a little larger than 3.0 you cubit sucking dong slurpers)) have no actual knowledge of science. They may have some high school education (if they are among the religious intellectual elite), but they almost never have any first hand knowledge of scientific principles, or of the way that science is actually done these days. No wonder it is so fucking easy to persuade right wing Christologists that global climate change is a giant conspiracy made up by ganja smoking scientists who all agree to falsify their research for some reason.

Is it a matter of concern to religious people that the majority of scientists are atheists? Very often god fearing tards will go on and on about all the famous scientists from the past who were theists. Big fucking deal cumchuggers! Everyone was a fucking believer in those days. A few hundred years ago admitting you were an atheist was socially damaging, to say the least. If the scientists of the past had any doubts about the veracity of the catechism (or equivalent) they, quite wisely, kept it to themselves. Claiming that Galileo or Newton or Boyle were hard core jeebus junkies is fucking absurd. But the cunts go further; they also love to claim Einstein and Hawking, which is not absurd, it’s just laughable. Both of these scientists have made the nature of their religious views very plain, so that only those bent on obfuscation could ever fail to understand. In both cases what they have said amounts to a deep respect and a feeling of awe with respect to the totality of nature, which probably has something to do with the way these scientists are able to experience reality in a unique way related to their intense understanding of it. What you most certainly won’t find these guys doing is expressing any feelings of admiration or awe for lying cunts in dresses waving incense on a stick and threatening to send people to hell for trivial and normal activities (many of which they probably engage in on a regular basis: yeah, I’m looking at you Haggard. We all know you like luxury).

Pathetic attempts to claim some of the greatest minds in history as fellow theists notwithstanding, the godchuggers are unable to deal with a present day reality: most scientists do not believe in god. There are many studies that show this, but I’m not going to quote any here: I encourage you to go search for yourself. I did and found that practically all surveys showed this to be that case. There are some studies that did not agree, and they all looked a bit fishy. Coincidentally these were all carried out by religious organisations (or right wing conservative “think” tanks, which usually amounts to the same thing). Thus, don’t take my word for it: go look. I can also tell you from 14 years working in various physics departments in the US and the UK, and having many friends who are professional scientists, I would put the fraction of scientists in my age group who are religious as less than 10%. I chose this number only because I know more gay physicists than christian physicists, so it’s an upper limit. You may think I’m a cunt for not providing links to these studies of the religiosity of scientists, but it’s for your own good. This point is often violently argued by the Sky-Daddy brigade, and any study one quotes will be attacked for (usually) vacuous reasons. I realise that my own personal experience proves nothing. There are many reasons why Christian physicists might stay away from me, and even more reasons why gay physicists might not (I can’t help it if I look good). Nevertheless, what I can say is that in scientific circles religion is not usually mentioned at all. I implore you to look for yourself, and if enough people report what they find in the comments section then the truth will out.

If I were a member of a group (of shitsuckers) whose core beliefs, based on the teachings of some random goat herding chavs from 2000 + years ago, were rejected by the most intelligent humans alive today, it might give me reason to reconsider my membership. At least it might if I hadn’t been the victim of mental child abuse. I have heard on more than one occasion that scientists are just ashamed to admit that they are religious in front of other scientists. Well, too fucking right! Of course they are, the same way that uncle McFilthy is ashamed to admit to his family that he can’t come to the reunion because it is within 500 yards of a school. Face it christers, your vast numbers consist largely of uneducated hicks, deluded fools and duplicitous con merchants (like the pope). The number of rational, intelligent and well educated theists is a mystery: if they exist they probably keep quiet, for obvious reasons (does god really hate fags?). I would love to see a graph of the fraction of people who believe in god versus time. You could try to make one, but what you would actually get is merely the fraction of people who aren’t willing to admit that they don’t believe. Maybe some hard core Christ puncher made such a graph and then extrapolated to find out when the religiots would be the minority, and set that as the date for the rapture. Is the rapture just a metaphor for the end of this foolishness? I fucking hope so. Then who’s going to be left behind mother fuckers?

Perhaps the most laughable aspect of the attempted use of science for religious verification is the utter lack of understanding that these cockmunchers have of how science is actually done. This is especially obvious when they claim that scientists conspire to promote some theory for their own ends. It makes no sense at all. In order for such a conspiracy to exist you would need hundreds of thousands of disparate people to tacitly agree to an obvious lie, which in some cases would mean people sacrificing their careers in order not to show research. Only someone brought up in a global institution of deceit, coercion and manipulation could ever conceive of such a scenario. That is to say, only a theist could do it. For fucks sake, can so many people be that deluded?

Let me tell you of a personal experience which shows how the scientific method actually operates. I did an experiment that used a new technique to study an old problem (I won’t go into the details, but I will be happy to inform interested parties further). I wrote up the experiment in the usual way and submitted it to the journal Physical Review Letters. This is considered by many to be the premier physics journal, and I have published there before. It is supposed to be for the “best” work, and I thought this particular work had a chance, but often work submitted to PRL is not accepted because it isn’t thought to be novel enough, and then they usually forward it on to another Physical Review journal. This is what happened in this case, and it was sent to Physical Review B, which is the condensed matter section of the journal. I sort of expected this, but thought it was worth a try to get it in PRL. In any case, the initial peer review at PRL was done by two anonymous referees, and then after it was sent down to PRB I picked up two more referees, and I was required to address all of their concerns before the article could be accepted (this is the downside to taking a chance at a PRL submission). It took over 6 months with many many revisions before I could satisfy all of these referees. In some cases the referees comments were contradictory, and I had to deal with that by writing what is practically a separate article, trying to explain the points in dispute to all of the referees (but without making them look foolish, even though one of them had made a very silly mistake). The point is, the article was published (in PRB) but I had to defend every bit of it to a tedious degree. It took longer to convince the referees than it did to do the fucking experiment, but the arguments were all about the science. I had to justify my data and my conclusions, and it was only after I had done so to their satisfaction that the paper was accepted for publication.

Now, I think that peer review is a bit of a fucked up system: had I had different referees in my first round the original article might well have ended up in PRL. However, I can admit that it would not have been as good. After all that irritating wrangling and even being demoted to PRB (which is also rather subjective), what I ended up with is a much better paper, so I am not dissatisfied. To paraphrase Winston, peer review is the worst system of evaluation we have, apart from all the others. Anyone who thinks that this sort of process can occur and still result in some sort of conspiracy is fucking dreaming.Still, that’s a good way to describe those who believe in god: they are fucking dreaming. Well, here’s a wake up call for you, you dreaming jelly-sheeple:

1)I put more effort into proving the truth of my one paper than you have for your entire religion.

2)Hundreds of thousands of such papers are published every week.

3)Most of the people who spend their lives doing this sort or work (which involves making sure things are correct) reject your views entirely.

Science is not like religion assholes. It can’t be manipulated to tell you shit that makes you feel better, and it can’t be forced into the worldview of some long dead liars who just happened to be so good at bullshitting that god loving teabagees are still hoping for another dunk on the forehead even now, when the jig is most surely up. What will it take to make that obvious? St. Teabag [TBUH] won’t return to dab upon your brow, and the mother fucker what done created this whole shebang sure as shit don’t give a fuck, so what are you going to do assgoblins?

<>

If you believe in both god and gravity ask yourself this: which one can I rely on?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Thursday, April 12, 2007

over at the raving atheist they are talking about having an atheist motto. I say fuck that. There's no motto for people who don't believe in pixies, or for people who don't believe that idiot rednecks pissed up on the moonshine are getting anal probes from ET. I know that these particular groups are not dominating our society but the fact is atheists are all different. The only thing they share is the ability to recognize religious themed bullshit when they see it. So I say there can be no atheist motto. But there can be an atheist sentiment, and it is this: fuck all religions. You're all a bunch of dupes, howling at the moon while a middle aged pervert in a dress spoon feeds you the essence of dumb, and you can't get enough of it. Stupid fucks.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Thank fuck Easter is over. Of all the religious holidays that bukkakke us with a giant scrotum of moron juice every year, this one has to be the most annoying.Everyone knows that Christmas has got fuck all to do with Jeebus and is really a capitalist celebration of greed and sickening songs. I don’t know what all those fucking Jewish holidays are about, but they keep pretty quiet about that shit anyway so it doesn’t really bother me. In any case, as retarded as anything to do with religion is, at least their holidays make sense in the context of a racist and psychopathic celebration of brutality and murder in the service of a cosmic fucktard. But what the fuck have rabbits and eggs got to do with a fictional jewish zombie dadwanker?

If you are going to invent the lamest story ever told, and get hundreds of different writers on board why not try and polish it up a little so that later spastics who think its all true don’t feel the need to embellish the tales with brightly coloured eggs and a shit load of chocolate. After all, by writing such a crap story to begin with you are pretty much admitting that it’s all bullshit. A powerful being who is the very definition of love is going to make me suffer for all eternity just because I spooged up on the floor? Seriously. There’s really no point making a list of all the idiotic shite in the bible. Just read the mother fucking bible, it is a list of all the idiotic shite in the bible. The best way to simulate living a truly biblical life would be to insert your head into a bull’s asshole. Nevertheless this easter thing is puerile codswallop even by the standards of the buy bull.

The best part of the bible is the crucifiction. After reading that you think “thank fuck that cunt Jesus is dead. Maybe now these wankers will stop being such arseholes”. Of course, they don’t, because the people who invented them were arseholes themselves, so what they thought were really well rounded characters are simply a reflection of their own arseholesihness. Even so, Jesus is a cunt, so I can see why nailing the little bitch up to a cross is a reason to celebrate. But then he comes back from the dead. I don’t know about you, but if I see some Jewish geezer nailed to a cross with a spear in his side and a huge wooden dildo sticking out of his arse one day, and then three days later the same bloke is walking around I’ll cut the fuckers head off. You can’t be too careful with these zombies. And it seems that Jesus is a mega zombie, because even though he is made up he is still eating peoples brains two mother fucking thousand years later.

My theory is that if the mega zombie ever returns he will be impervious to ordinary weapons. The only things that can stop him are eggs and rabbits. This is why those in the know stock up on them around easter, when he is likely to return (or so they think). When you see these fucking twats walking around with the rabbit ears on (and I don’t mean those sexy bunny babes) you probably think “what an unbelievable cunt” but they will be the ones laughing when zombie jesus is eating your brain, but staying away from them in case they really are rabbits. However, the ironic thing is that zombie jesus likes to eat brains, and these shitheads don’t have any. If he does come back and eat your brain then you will probably just end up becoming a Christian, which is a bit like getting a lobotomy. Before hand you would do anything to avoid it, but afterwards you’re too fucking stupid to know what is going on, so you can live out your pathetic life as a fuzzy headed cretin and enjoy the finer things life has to offer like bits of string, shiny things and, of course, your all loving mega cunt of a fucking god.

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

I haven't updated the chooblog for a while, and I am sorry for that. I've had some shit to deal with. I can't even do a proper update now, but I wanted to assure those who care (and there are a few) that I intend to get back to attacking douchewizards very soon.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I have no reason to doubt him; he is, after all, one of the most respected Theologians living on the streets today. The question is, what will happen if big J does come back? He won't be all that popular with the Christians of today (you know, because he lacks a certain whiteness). Chances are he will be quietly taken away to Gitmo, or possible the underground vatican sex dungeons, so he doesn't get in the way of God's work.

Still, I say welcome back Jeebus. You should get together with this dude. He's been waiting for you, along with many many other retarded cunts.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Those of you who enjoy the Raving Atheist forum (not the insipid drivel posted by the former Raving Atheist but the forums where actual atheists can be found) might have noticed a good deal of pathetic crying lately. I refer specifically to a couple of cumchuggers called Empire and Bogacious B (the B stands for bitch, presumably). The surprising thing about these moronic rent boys is not the idiotic shite they were coming out with, but the fact that they are apparently atheists. Now, I’m not saying that assclownery and atheism are mutually exclusive. This is clearly not the case, but at the Raving Atheists forums the whining bitches are usually theists who come in and are then shocked to discover that we don’t serve their kind, and they’ll have to wait outside (or be prepared to learn how stupid their belief system is). In this case though the tards in question were attempting to argue that it is bad for atheists everywhere to be mean to theists; I can’t even count the number of ways in which their “arguments” were wrong. For one thing, these cunts fail to understand that atheists are a disparate group with nothing in common other than a non-belief in god. It is therefore impossible for the actions of any one atheist to reflect upon others unless they specifically endorse it. Furthermore, the concept of placating theists is repulsive. Do they go about their business and try to keep things friendly with people who don’t share their (moronic) beliefs? Do they bollocks. Well, some of them do, but as a whole religious organizations go out of their way to condemn others. Take the homosex for example. If they are not doing it (many of them are, but that’s another story) what the fuck does it have to do with them? And yet warriors for Jeebus will come out en masse to protest a civil union between homosexuals. What understanding people they must be to stick their arrogant stuck up noses in where it is not wanted and has no business at all. Intolerance of other religions and the godless is actually built into their big book of bullshit. The fundamental basis of faith is that the faithful are in possession of an absolute authority and truth, and being absolute there is absolutely no room for error or compromise whatsoever. That means that religious cunts cannot be reasoned with, and if their rules say that a certain group of people are evil or should be condemned, then that’s the end of it. And these are the people whom those crying pussies say I should be nice to in order for us to all get along. Forget it dickwads, it’s just not on the fucking cards. Not my card though, but gods cards. That’s like saying you should be grateful to the big biker dude who fucks you up the arse in jail because he gave you a reacharound. I think not. I have no wish to associate with those who are willing to ignore reason and embrace such an obvious lie that one wonders how they can even bring themselves to talk about Jeebus in public. The same crying pussies then go on to say that we can never expect theists to “de-convert” if all we do is tell them they are stupid assholes. So fucking what? I’m not in the de-conversion game. It’s not my business to change their minds and I would not expect them to listen to me any more than I would them. If you choose to be a fucking douchegoblin then that is your right Just don’t expect people to think it’s a good idea. It’s impossible to have a reasonable exchange of ideas with anyone who believes that there are any absolutes. Once someone is convinced that they are absolutely right about something they can then justify anything at all. Such people are dangerous. They are the ones who fly planes into buildings, blow up abortion clinics, murder homosexuals and paint swastikas on synagogues. Most religious people aren’t that extreme, but they do have the mistaken belief that they are in possession of an absolute truth, and that belief is the seed from which the vilest aspects of humanity can grow. So, crying pussies, excuse me if I choose not to encourage this sort of cretinism by dignifying it. I see it as the same as racism of homophobia once were. When it was socially acceptable to be a racist a lot of people were. And a lot of children learned to be that way too. Now that it is not socially acceptable racism is on the decline. When religious beliefs are openly mocked and revealed as the irrational, contradictory and fraudulent horseshit they so clearly are then perhaps we will finally emerge from the dark ages of the human race into a world where ancient goat herding zombies have no bearing on society. Fuck all theists, even the nice ones.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

While sitting on the toilet this morning my thoughts turned to religion, as they often do when I am immersed in a cloud of toxic ass gas. For some reason I had a mental image of the pope in Turkey sitting on a tiny toilet shitting his guts out after a dodgy kebab, and laughing like the demented sithlord he is. Despite being an ex nazi, a well known cunt and possibly a goat rimmer, he is not a stupid man. Also, he must have access to a lot of secret documents in the Vatican secret stash (not to mention some of the finest porn known to humanity). Therefore, he simply has to know that the Catholic church is a massive scam. Why else is he constantly smirking? He’s like someone walking out of a casino with a ton of money after a rigged card game. He wants to burst out laughing, but he can’t because it might ruin the con. One of the only times he can let loose is on the the crapper (which back at his pad is probably made out of solid gold) so it is very likely that while he is emptying the bomb bays he is also laughing like a maniac. The guy who has to wipe his holiness’s arse must think he’s crazy.

Even less intelligent con merchants have been known to have the same kind of smirk. Just look at G W bush. The man would have to be on his best form to qualify as a moron. The fact that he is in charge of anything more powerful than the dildo he uses on his own ass is one of the strangest things ever to happen. The man is beyond stupid. He probably thinks Hemmingway’s “A Farewell to Arms” is the courageous story of a quadriplegic with a heart of gold. But he’s always grinning. Why? Because he got away with the biggest heist in the history of the world. Him and a few thousand of his friends managed to rob trillions of dollars from the US treasury. They may only have been able to collect a fraction of the money they looted, but a fraction of trillions is still a pretty good haul. Mission accomplished? Hell yes. Not the mission you were thinking about though. No wonder the chimp can’t stop smiling. One of the biggest morons ever was a part of an amazing sting. And he got to fuck some A-rabs in the process. The next time you see someone silently smirking to themselves remember, they are probably up to something. It might be worthwhile giving them a bit of a smack just in case they deserve it.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

This is a response to Stern; a splendid fellow from the Raving Atheist:

I am not sure I fully understand your question, but I will say this: appeals to an undefined "quantum vacuum foam" are weak. The actual structure of spacetime is not well understood; it may contain singularities, in which case, all bets are off. However, remember, that vacuum was created along with the spacetime (it IS the spacetime) so the energy was already there. Does the vacuum contain energy? You know it does biyatch.

There are similar postulates concerning vacuum energy that also have no evidence and mixed acceptance as far as their theoretical liklehood goes. I fear this happens a lot, as a result of string theory. I have recently come to consider string theory as a fat man clinging to the back of science as it tries to swim across an ocean of confusion. After > 30 years string theory still has nothing whatsoever to say about reality. How is that even science? Being hard to understand is not sufficient in my book. Otherwise we ought to be studying shaft theory, a course which could only be taught by his woman.

For the record, I originally wanted to be a string theorist. I was sucked into physics by the allure of theoretical cosmology, and I got very decent grades in my quantum and relativity classes, but as it turned out I was much better at experimental physics, and my mathematical skills fall short of string theory by an amount I can't even calculate. Indeed, theoretical physics of most types is probably not something I would be good at. I might be able to make a mediocre career at it, but it would be a bad choice for me to even try. I am much more suited to experimental physics, and I am doing rather well at that. In order to intelligently design an experiment one has to know enough theory to shape the way you will set up the experimental apparatus and collect and analyse the data. [That is very different from being able to create new theories.] However, it does mean that one has to understand those theories that have been put out there. After all, theorists have no fucking clue about experiments (most of the time) so in order for experiments to actually be done, those who do them have to know what it is they are trying to measure.

Now, as to the original point: you seem tro be saying that sucking energy out of the vacuum violates conservation of energy. This might be true, if the vacuum itself had no energy, but we know that it does. Can we get at it? That's a hard question, and I don't know the answer. However, I know we can get at it in bits, as in quantum fluctuatoins in energy (e.g., virtual particles). However, I will now admit, I have a long standing dilemma. As you may or may not know, I work with antimatter; I am still not quite sure I understand what the fuck it is. Part of my love of theoretical physics was instilled by the pure beauty of the Dirac equation. It's so fucking elegant I feel the need to bend it over a keg and assfuck it. This equation, if you don't know, is what you get if you put a relativistic Hamiltonian into a Schrodinger-like equation. However, Dirac knew that you have to make the spacelike and timelike terms be of the same order (they are not in the Schrodinger eqn), and he got an answer that predicted antimatter. This prediction came out of the fact that E = MC^2 is only half the story. In fact E^2 = M^2C^4 +c^2p^2. This has many implications.

What I am getting at is that in the Dirac eqn, the fact that the Hamiltonian has the Einstein energy term means that you get negative energy soultions for the antiparticles, so really antimatter has negative energy. This doesn't sit well with me. I have tried to understand what it really means but have never recieved a satisfactory explanation. The concept of negative energy is hard for me to understand. In fact I don't understand how the negative energy solutions to the Dirac eqn should be interpreted. Dirac traded negative probability (cf Kaluza) for negative energy, and it is a very beautiful theory, but I freely admit don't really understand the implications of it. It is intriguing though. The wave function you get has the form of exp(-Et) so a negative energy can be interpreted as a positive energy moving backwards in time (Feynman), but this is almost never taken seriously. Causality would shit blood if it were. I believe this is one more indication that the true nature of time is not currently understood, and I think that a quantum theory of gravity must explain this in order to succeed. I look forward to someone else figuring it all out and then explaining it to me in a way I can understand.

If you take Dirac at face value, antimatter has negative energy. The existance of negative energy particles can easily fuck with conservation laws that assume only positive energy. It's some funky shit for sure, but it farts in the face of jeebus, and that can only be a good thing.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Some people have suggested that in order for atheists and theists to get along there should be a measure of respect, and that meaningful debate should occur that is devoid of vulgarity and personal attacks. I say fuck that retarded bullshit. If someone says to me that they believe that the earth is under attack from shapeshifting lizard creatures that have infiltrated the highest levels of government and are hell bent on establishing a new world order and enslaving humanity I will tell them to shut the fuck up and finish bagging my groceries. I most certainly won’t respectfully agree to disagree or think deeply about what they have said and see if there is any common ground between what we both believe. If I did do any of these things you would, quite rightly, think I was a fucking imbecile. But instead of alien lizard shapeshifters we have cosmic Jewish zombies. We have proven hypocrites who recommend eating flesh and drinking blood, and tell you that you will burn in a fiery pit of hell for all eternity if you don’t do what they say. And I’m supposed to respect this point of view? Don’t make me fucking laugh.

The only thing this (and other similarly idiotic fairy tales) has got going for it is that there are a lot of assholes who believe it. That is it. No objective reasoning can possibly render these ideas palatable to someone who has not been brainfucked. No study of the available evidence can ever lead one even to have any doubts that this is not all demented man made fiction of the most fecal variety. Indeed, it takes a slow process of cuntification before one can accept these ideas at all. And I should respect this because there are a shit load of cunts? Not bloody likely.

And it gets worse. A central tenet of this malodorous dung residue (in all of its incarnations) is that if you are not on board you can expect the most unpleasant punishment imaginable. A poor choice of lunch can send you to hell if you forget to repent. Acting in a manner that is central to your existence, and that as a biological imperative is by definition caused by your creator, can send you to pitchfork alley in no time. What kind of cunt of a god would punish humans for eternity just for doing what he created them to need to do? This is the point of view I should respect? Dream on shitgoblins.

It is built into religions that atheists are the scum of the earth. Arabs and Christians and Jews will happily kill each other over who has the best god, but when confronted with the evil of atheist homosexuals they will set aside their differences. That is one of the most fucked up things I can think of. People who will kill children because of their religious views will work with people that hold those same views to prevent a couple of dudes from doing anal. If that isn’t retarded I don’t know what is. Respect? Contempt is too good for this kind of jism faced goat felcher. Why should I respect the blatantly absurd beliefs of someone who tells me that I am evil, that I will burn in hell and that only their point of view can save me? Fuck them all deep in their godholes.

Religious cunts are afforded far too much respect in general. They should be held to the same high standards as courts of law, scientists and journalists. If a journalist wrote a story about how great god is and cited a vision as his source would it get published? Sadly, it might, but it would be clear to all that it was utter wank. You don’t see particle physicists postulating a Christron that goes around making al the other particles behave. That would be asinine indeed. And why can’t a religious judge just pray to god to determine if someone is guilty or not? Because it would be fucking retarded, that’s why. And yet these Christ punching sleaze merchants can enjoy tax free status, can freely spout their mumbo jumbo and demand that those of us not afflicted with TCS (total cunt syndrome) treat them with respect! Well, I always treat theists with the respect they deserve. We may not always agree on how much respect that is (none), but I don’t care. Dialogue with theists is like foreplay with a rapist, and I don’t care for it at all. Fuck them; fuck them all.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

There can be no doubt that the revelation that Haggard is a gay drug fiend is quite hilarious. Indeed, making fun of this guy is just too easy, and one can hardly do a better job than has already, inadvertently, been done by those trying to minimize the impact of this incredible gift from fate. However, even as a vehement anti-gay mega church bullshitter Haggard and his ilk are really not very important. Their hateful diatribe regarding homosexuality, and morality in general, is simply the public face of a very common viewpoint. One might be tempted to think that, as the pastor of a large flock of sheeple, wankers like Haggard are particularly dangerous. However, this is not really true. They are nothing compared to loathsome pundits like Limbaugh or O’reilly. It is true that a lot of people are probably made more homophobic by the asinine drivel that is preached in the mega churches, but the same buy-bull-shit can be heard in thousands upon thousands of other smaller indoctrination centers around the country. Phelps, with his nonsensical “god hates fags” comedy routine would seem to be a direct threat to the liberties of homosexuals, but in reality he is just a sad old man with no real influence at all. Those people who stand with him would stand with anyone who told them what to do. They are typical sheeple; fools of no consequence. All of these shitgoblins are worthy of contempt, but at some level one has to feel sorry for them. How twisted must they be to rant on and on about things that don't affect them at all? In the case of Haggard, what internal hatred he must feel, to spend so much energy assailing that which he knows he is. In the words of a very wise man, I pity the fool.

A lot of normal people (atheists) sometimes say that they sort of understand the appeal of religion. The comfort it brings may be based on illusion but it can seem real just the same, and this tiny concession to the irrationality of believing in made up sky bastards helps us to understand the insanity of true believers. What then of the true believer who is denied any such comfort because his true nature as a human being is in direct conflict with the tenuous precepts of his duplicitous belief system? This way leads to mental torment of a particularly nasty variety: the self inflicted kind. Despite what the Christ punching religiots think, atheists are not automatically amused by the suffering of theists. In this particular case it is hard not to laugh. The intrinsic hypocrisy of religion in general has been beautifully revealed, as has the old adage that implies that the most vehement homophobes are probably as bent as a nine bob note themselves. Haggard has done us all a service by showcasing these truisms, but on a personal level his anguish brings me no pleasure. Ironically, some of his sheeple might even start to think that homosexuality is not wrong, if his brainwashing is powerful enough for them to still accept him. Either way, he must be frightfully ashamed, and probably even a hit of crystal meth and good asspounding will not be able to cheer him up.

Thus, I say to my fellow atheists that this hilarious event is an opportunity to demonstrate that we are not malicious lovers of schadenfreude. That being Godless does not mean we are uncharitable, and that even a loathsome bigot like Haggard can elicit sympathy on a personal level. Being without god does not in any way make us less kindly. On the contrary, since we must determine our own moral stance rather than have one arbitrarily handed to us, we own our actions in totality. We must take the blame for our transgressions, and similarly our more noble deeds must be acknowledged. This is one of the many ways that intellectual freedom, the ability and desire to think for oneself, and freedom from irrational dogmas make atheism the one true attitude.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Thursday, October 26, 2006

If you are a thoughtful type of person, the type of person who thinks NASCAR sucks arse and reading is fun, you have probably contemplated the great wonders and mysteries of existence. Moreover, you have probably asked yourself what I call the “central mystery”: not “why do chicks dig assholes?” but rather “why is there something instead of nothing?” This question, or some variant of it, has probably led to a lot of people turning to religion, and, sadly, a lesser number of people to turn to science. (Why think for yourself when you can have faith?)

It is perfectly true to say that science cannot answer this question. It may be unanswerable, or it may not even be a valid question to begin with. It is also true to say that as humans we have gone from sacrificing children to pacify the spirits and ensure a good harvest to having a pretty good description of how the entire universe grew from the very first instants after the big bang. In only 70 years we went from the first flying machines to the moon. The computer revolution has changed the world in a few decades, to the point that there was genuine fear that the YK2 glitch was going to be the end of the world. Doctors can take your heart out of your body and put in a new one, or they can poke around in your brain, all without killing you (most of the time). And in the face of all this most of the humans in the world choose to obey old men in silk dresses and an invisible sky bastard. Why?

The marvels of modern science and technology are impressive, but often they fail to address the real cause of many basic human needs. Questions that are very simple to ask but impossibly difficult to answer remain. What is consciousness? How did the universe come into existence? What is life? Why won’t Joan Rivers die? These questions, and many more, lead some to turn to religion. After all, who could better explain such things than a Jewish Zombie and his gay lovers, or a child molesting Arab merchant from the past? The problem is, all religions are a scam. They have nothing to offer that you can’t find in the average septic tank.

Priests or Imams or any of the other self styled truth merchants have no more actual knowledge about these central mysteries than anyone else, and yet they expect people to believe that only they know what the creator of all things wants from us. Does He want you to move a pedophile priest from parish to parish so he can continue his molestation for decades? Apparently he does, because the same people who tell us the word of God also told him to go to therapy and knock it off. Does He want you to murder innocent women and children because you don’t like what a foreign government is doing? Naturally, it stands to reason. Taking advice from these colossal hypocrites is like holding AA meetings in a bar. Brainwashing aside, the type of personality that can stand for this incredible lying must already be severely flawed. At what point do you stand back and say NO! You are wrong! If murder and child rape isn’t enough for you then you are truly one of the chosen ones. Chosen to suck shit that is.

Where do theological scholars enrich the totality of human knowledge? They might know everything there is to know about Aramaic, and the proper way to wipe shit off an ancient bible, but their knowledge of reality is useless to anyone who doesn’t buy their particular religion. Why hasn’t god told these clerics some powerful truth about nature or our existence that would enlighten us and bring us closer to his wonder? He has you say? Has he fuck. Every known religion is demonstrably based on some earlier one, and if you trace it all back far enough you will probably end up with some freakishly strong caveman making all the caveladies worship his cock. Not much has changed.

The church is concerned with our souls? In Boston maybe, but they are really concerned with our obedience and money. Why should an impoverished cab driver in MA give money he needs to feed his family to pay 0.05% of the cost of a new hat for the pope? And we all know where that mosque moolah is going. And what do these people do to earn these? They warn you that if you don’t obey you will be tortured and burned for all eternity. That’s the stick, where’s the carrot? There is no carrot. Your priest might be sticking one up a choir boy’s bum, but he’s got nothing for you. No truth, no knowledge, no insights, and no fucking clue about the central mysteries.

So what are they, really? Are they simply con merchants? Not quite, a lot of them actually believe their own bullshit, but they also know that their faith is crucial to accepting the religion as a truth instead of a possibility. They won’t admit that because they know how easy faith is to shake. And rightly so. It’s like a 2000 year old sit-com where the web of lies just keeps growing and growing until nobody can even remember who farted on the vicar, what time the boss is coming to dinner or if it is ok to masturbate on the bus. It’s a giant pyramid scheme, selling shit to the sheeple. Shit dressed up as truth still makes you gag if you can recognize it. <>

There is simply no possible to way to objectively discriminate between different religions. It’s like deciding which pimp to sell your 16 year old daughter too. Some shitgoblins try to claim that all religions are aspects of a single greater truth. Get real shitgoblins, they are just variations on a very common theme: how to manipulate weak minded fools and thereby consolidate power. And there is the added bonus of not having to worry about all those difficult questions. When “God did it” is the answer to everything the universe is easy to understand. God didn’t do poverty, rape, murder, famine or any of that other nasty stuff. That was the devil. Grr! You devil you! Will you never learn? But all the good stuff? Yeah, that was god, for sure. Let some ancient religious text show how to split the atom, or communicate via sub space, or how to combat disease or something that is actually useful to humanity. They tell you how to stone adulterers, or what sort of seed spillage is ok, or what to eat, but that’s just about it. It sure was nice of god to explain all this shit at the exact level of technology of those people with whom he was sharing his eternal instructions for life. What a super guy he must be.

Maybe there are some incredible things in the universe for us to learn about one day. Maybe they will to us, seem supernatural. Maybe there is some sort of higher plane of existence. We don’t know, and those hypocritical gold hoarding dress wearing polesmokers in the Vatican sure as fuck don’t either. And that goes for all the other religious “leaders”. Each and every single one of them is no better than Jim Jones of David Koresh, they just have a better support staff. Well, sell your shit elsewhere you lying phony’s. Humanity is growing up, and in a century or less (I hope) you will be as relevant as a sundial in a cave.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Do you have faith in science? What the hell kind of stupid arse fool question is that, you might ask (with a shocking disregard for grammar, I should add). Well, do ya, punk? Do you understand how a computer works? Do you appreciate MOSFET based technology? You should, because it has helped wankers all over the world spill their seed on mom’s carpet. (Mom, like God, generally does not approve of such onanistic wanktivities, but that’s not the point.) The point is this, some religiots like to say that atheists simply worship science in the same way that theists worship god; That is, they take it on faith that the science is right only because they are told so by others who claim to speak the truth, and expect to be believed, while they themselves have no direct knowledge at all. This is true, in the same way that the statement “George W Bush is a fucking genius” is true. (If there are any dubya fans out there, that means it has minimal veracity.)

Nevertheless, the creationist nutjobs have an inkling of a point. Most people do take science on faith. When they read in a dozen books about cosmology that scientists think the universe is over a billion years old, they soon come to believe that themselves. Ask them. It’s a simple test. Just jump out from the oatmeal at Safeway and ask “dude, how old is the universe?”

You will probably get one of four answers:

1) 6000 years and not a day older!

2) Fuck off intellectual cunt. Why you always gots to be tinking, innit.

3) About 15 billion years, now bugger off, I need to buy some teriyaki sauce because it goes nicely with babies, which I eat all the time, even when I’m not hungry, coz that’s just how I do this shit. I eat babies. Did I tell you? Raargh!

4) Excuse me sir, would you mind emptying your pockets?

Well, people DO take the word of scientists, for the most part. Why is that? Maybe it’s because they are their own monitors. Peer review has many problems, which I would love to go into someday, but not today. What you can say about it is that it fucking works, for the most part. It might have some temporary fuck ups, but these are self correcting, and the reason why it works is a simple universal truth: people are fucking arseholes. If one guy publishes a result in your field, the first thing you do is check it. If you get the same answer you publish that and say how great the first guy is, but you too are now great. If you get a different answer you publish that and say what an assclown the first guy is, but you are awesome because you spotted this error. Then some other guy will realize that you fucked up, the first guy was right, and then you get a double ass pounding for your impertinence. However it turns out, science has a way of pounding out the truth.

This is the real scientific method. There is falsification, and then there is fistification, and it takes some time to recover from such a fisting. As a relatively young scientist I have learned that this is the way of the world. I would never lie about my data. The main reason for this is that I am extremely awesome and honest. Another reason is that I know that such lies are easily found out. If you publish interesting results, thousands of people will read them, and then try to duplicate them. You will be tested. Bullshitting is really foolish, even if you are an expert, and even then it won’t be beautiful (cf. the Henrik Schön scandal at Bell labs.).

So, there is some reason to trust scientists: they are (as far as we know) humans, and thus will fuck each other over at the first opportunity if it will help further their own myopic interests. That means that a scientific consensus is probably a good approximation to a scientific truth, string theory notwithstanding. Despite all this, there is a much more obvious reason to think that scientific “belief” holds more water than any kind of theology: Technology. Where is your mother fucking Jesus powered car? I’ll tell you where, it’s up your Jesus powered arse you stupid cunt. Everything in our modern lives is technology based. You can’t even wake up without enjoying the technological application of the photoelectric effect, et al.

Another matter worthy of consideration is this: do scientists care whose dick you suck? Of course they do, they want you to suck their dicks. But this rarely happens. Christians also seem to care about cock suckering, but it is usually a damage limitation based concern. Somehow the belief in god translates into a knowledge of what humans should and should not do. This would, like all religious concerns, be nothing more than a trivial joke were it not for the intrusiuons religiosity has on normal people. Was Jesus born to a virgin or a crafty skank? I don't give a fuck, but the violence between Christians of slightly differing viewpoints is not restricted to christ punchers; sometimes rational people are affected by it. Was muhammed a prophet from the one true god, or a child molesting murderer with serious halitosis? Again, I don't give a shit, but I surely will if I gets blowed up by some mother fucking A-rabs with a hankerin' for raisins. I don't know about you, but I really do not want to see Sheiks on a plane. It gets worse when you see christ punchers fucking up stem cell research and making abortions illegal. If these cunts had their way I would have to suffer the indignity of having 10 kids and parkinsons in my old age. Fuck that shit. And one can only assume that a solid expectation of the rapture is enough to justify treating the earth like a 5 dollar whore. Somehow, for some cumchuggers, the beauty that is science is overwhelmed by the rancid turdage of religon. What kind of mental hoops must one jump through to justify reducing access to condoms (and therefore increasing risk of HIV infection) just because a gay nazi sith lord says so?

So why believe in science over religion?

If you think this is a valid question you should eat your own colon so you can then re-digest the idiocy that you shat out of your brain, to make sure it wasn’t as banal as it seemed on the first parsing.

Often the terms "stupid cunt" and "Christian" or "Muslim" are used synonymously. I feel this is unfair to stupid cunts. Which are you?

ARE YOU A STUPID CUNT?

Well, are you? Sometimes the information is not available. I can help. If you are not sure if you are a stupid cunt or not, this simple test will settle the cuntological quotient question (the CQQ).

CUNTOLIGISTICS CORP.

ANSWER ALL QUESTIONS YES (1) OR NO (0).

(1) Are you a cunt?

(2) Does yo’ mama’s ass have its own zip code?

(3) Does Mr. T. pity you in any way?

(4) Are you sure you’re not a cunt?

(5) Do you do anal?

(6) Is it not incorrect that it was wrongly stated that someone falsely implied that another had said that you were in fact not a cunt?

(7) Was Princess Diana’s death awesome?

(8) Will Saddam Hussein’s death not be awesome?

(9) Was Jesus’ death transitory?

(10) Is G.W. Bush the best prez ever?

(11) Who would win in a fight between robocop, jesus, muhammed and Mumm-Ra out of the thundercats?

(12) If dadwanking is wrong, do you wanna be right?

(13) Is it ok to come in a womans mouth if you gave her a fake name?

(14) Does it make you sick that congress cancelled the superconducting super collider because it was going to cost 14 billion dollars when the "war" in Iraq is now costing 2 billion per week?

(15) Is it still gay to get a blow job from a sexy shemale if you only find out half way through?

(16) Do muslims eat shit for pleasure rather than religious reasons?

The answer key is available to those who are unable to determine if they are in fact a stupid cunt. Just send me an e mail with " I am not quite sure if I am a stupid cunt or not" as the subject and I will get right back to you.

(To save time, if you have to ask, you are almost cerainly a very stupid cunt).

Friday, September 22, 2006

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

While taking a shit today I found myself wondering, "who is the biggest cunt out of Mother Theresa and Ann Coulter. They are both well known as self righteous whores. Ann (or Andy as heshe likes to be called in private) is obviously an idiot, but that does not mitigate his/her cunt quotient. Similarly, Mother Fucker Theresa is a hypocritical colon fister and pony felcher. She even faked her own death so she could enjoy becoming a saint (as this recent undoctored photo of her on holiday clearly proves).

It is well known that this smug cunt was a total bitch, and she was caught more than a dozen times performing fellatio on so-called untouchables in exchange for soup. There is also hard evidence that while she collected a great deal of money for "charity" almost none of it was used to help people in dire poverety. She is known to have had a toilet made of solid gold, and to have used live Minks instead of toilet paper. Rumours have it that she ate homeless people and sacrificed virgins in order to retain her lithe figure. By practically any standards this certainly qualifies her as a right fucking cunt.

Andy is indeed a formidable opponent when it comes to a contest of cuntosity. As a borderline retard he/she has made a living writing books about things that normal people would be ashamed to even think about.. In some cases he/she will simply copy from others. It is evidence of retardation that he/she expected to get away with this.

So, Who is the biggest cunt? I cannot say. Let history decide. Or better yet, let the decider decide for he is very well qualified when it comes to judging cunts.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Whilst taking a shit this morning I was given a sign from God. Had this been the end of it I would be on my way to church right now to praise the lord and find out when I can start assfucking young choir boys. However, it seems that Allah (poo be upon him) is aware of my awesomness and didn't want to lose me to the Christ punchers, so he also sent me a sign. Now I don't know whom to praise.One thing is for sure though. These signs are genuine miracles, and I most certainly did not draw them on toilet paper and then put them on top of a shit I had just done. That did not happen. The shit came off my arse and onto the shit rag in these amazing pictoral messages from god, and that's that. (Anyone who does not believe this will burn in hell.) It is a bit odd that Jesus decided to send me a sign insulting muhammed, and vice versa, but I suppose those guys are practically obliged to work in mysterious ways.

Well, I have to tell God and Allah to go and fuck themselves (which presumably they are able to do). If there was only one game in town I'd have to suck it up and join in, but with all these dieties hanging around I see no reason to pick one. They are all cockmunchers anyway, so instead of being into jizzlam or zombie worship it seems much better to sit back and watch them fight each other. Indeed, I should like to see religiots competing in some sort of fight to the death so they can finally establish which diety is the bestest of all. Maybe then I'll get on board with the winner, but why risk angering Jeebus by getting a reacharound from mohammed (or moohamhead or whatever his fucking name is)? So all you almighty bastards can stick your signs and portents right up your godholes. If you want me to join your retarded religon send me cash mother fuckers. And instead of sending messages via shit, or piss stained walls or grilled cheese sandwiches, why not use a nice big pair of jugs?

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Chooblog is honoured to have a contribution from Cap'n Awesome, who is well known over at RA. If you don't know who the cap'n is, go fuck yourself you ignorant cumchugger.

There are two basic types of Christians. Sure, there are ten million different sects, from Catholics to Mormons to Christian ‘Scientists’ and Ethiopian Orthodox. But when you boil it all down, there are only two types. The first type is the fundamentalist, they read their bible and believe every bit of it to be truth. No, it’s not a conglomeration of myths, fables and legends collected by barely literate goat-fucking tribesmen over a time span of thousands of years, it is the word of God! We are all familiar with this type, they have Sunday morning TV shows, Dinosaur theme parks and double-wide trailers.

The other type of Christian is equal in number and generally not as loud. This does absolutely nothing to dampen their idiocy. They are the ones who don’t take the bible literally, but for some reason still believe Jesus and god. However instead of the Jesus and God of the bible, they believe in basically whatever they made up themselves. We have several names for these people, the most common is “Liberal Christian” but some other well know ones are “Christian Apologists” “Whiney Christians” and “Limp-wristed, touchy-feely, crybaby Christians” but my favorite way to refer to them is “Cocksucker Christians”

This label is accurate for a couple of reasons. One: It’s a well know scientific fact that all of them (male and female) love a big hunk of man-meat in the mouth from time to time. Two: They like to figuratively suck cock also, specifically the cock of anything that is ‘spiritual’ and doesn’t involve a lot of effort or thought. They all love Buddhism, just mentioning the word Buddhism will get their panties wet (as the men wear panties also) but when you ask them to name the basic tenants of Buddhism they’ll stutter for a second then go “Uhhhh, peace”

Cocksucker Christians all share a few basic characteristics. Number one: They think their views are unique. Now to a certain degree they are right, because everything they believe is just made up in their own heads. You often hear them say phrases like “God, to me, is just pure love” Well thank you dipshit, do you have anything to back up that statement? They go out of the way to add the ‘to me’ because they want you to know how tolerant and accepting they are of your point of view, with that faint glimmer of hope in their eye that you are going to accept theirs back. It reminds me of the retarded kid who wanted to play soccer with the rest of us, and we pretended that we let him, then beaned him in the head with the ball and started kicking him. You’d feel sorry for them, if they weren’t such drooling retards.

The second characteristic is that they are very very very tolerant and go out of the way every moment to let you know how tolerant they are. All beliefs are equal in their minds. They like to ignore a fundamental aspect of reality, somebody is right. (Hint: it’s the Atheists)There either is a god or there isn’t. (Hint: There isn’t) That right there disqualifies the idea that all beliefs are equally valid. Whenever you point this out, they love to drop the one weapon in their arsenal (Aside from cocksucking) and that is the “open minded” card. “You are just not open minded” To which I like to ask them why they aren’t open minded to the idea of killing yourself for Allah. Because they know that it is a stupid belief!If they weren’t busy getting kicked for being a retard or slobbering down a nice chunk of Buddhist cock, they would realize their beliefs are all stupid too.