This May Be the Best $50 You Expense All Trip

The bartender is offering me a Bloody Mary. It's 9 a.m. at the hilariously named Admirals Club lounge for well-to-do American Airlines patrons, and Johne (pronounced jon-ay), a New Orleans transplant who has been serving drinks at the club for "too long" (his words), promises me it's the finest Bloody Mary I'll ever have. One traveler asks him what's in the shaker of secret spices he used to season it, and Johne says jovially, "I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."

Unless you're Baron von MillionMiles, you may not be familiar with what's hidden inside these travel oases. At Reagan National, where I'm spending a day lounge-hopping, they're not shown on the main directory lest the filthy coach-riding urchins catch wind. But truth is, anyone can pay the one-day admission fee (about $50). Download the free LoungeBuddy app to scope prices and amenities ahead of time. You won't get massages or geishas serving you hot breast milk at the domestics—you gotta fly the Middle Eastern airlines for those perks—but there are designer chairs and gratis beer. And quiet.

See, you're not paying for extreme luxury. You're paying for separation. You're paying to not feel as if you're at an airport, even though you very much are. During an endless layover or on the back end of a brutal weeklong trip, it's worth anteing up. And when you do decide to treat yourself, here's how to look like you belong with the business-class caste, even if you're really just an airport-lounge tourist.

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DO get yourself a better seat
The single best upside of these lounges is that you have instant access to an experienced gate agent who can actually make things happen, not just sit there grimly shaking her head as she might in the demon bowels of the gate area.

DO NOT order the Handsy Copilot
...or whatever other overpriced cocktails are on the bar menu. Most lounges serve a free assortment of house wines, cheap beers, and basic mixed drinks. Those "signature cocktails," along with the $199 bottle of Dom I saw listed at the Delta bar, exist strictly for people who get a morbid thrill out of jacking up their expense sheet. Just take your free Bud Light and don't look back.

DO make some new friends
You're not with the elderly and fatties in Tevas here. You're with your people now. Lord knows how many second marriages and business deals are forged in lounges. I saw two execs who were also Florida State baseball fans start talking. "My wife owns all the seats by first base," one said. Of course she does.

DO NOT miss out on the john
Never shit in the main terminal if you can hold out for the lounge. My stall at the Admirals had a wooden door.

DO enjoy every last, leisurely second
This may be the only peaceful moment you have on a business trip. Get centered and stash a handful of the free muffins on the way out.