Casting Vision

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This is a journey that I cannot leave…you see, since I last blogged, life became interesting. My husband entered the hospital for a while…well..the equivalent of over month. The first time, he had an infection, which we thought had cleared up. Then, a week after he was home, the infection returned.

After a few days of tests, he had a heart attack…then after another round of tests, he had surgery to remove his catheter and another one was placed in him for his dialysis. The infection continued and he kept having more complications plus more procedures. Until, one day, he realized that he no longer wanted to fight so we gave him the okay to go Home…

Well, almost three weeks ago, after a couple days of no sleep while watching him struggle from the infection, he took his final breath…now its the journey of widowhood…

The weeks since have been a struggle…the first few days were a daze but I’ve been focused on God and becoming a godly person like my husband. My mom stayed with me for a few days while I figure out how to plan a funeral…something that is totally new to me…all I know is that losing someone as close as a husband is a lot different than losing someone like a grandparent or in the case of my in-laws, losing a son.

I come and go but no husband here…I do have our cat who has been a blessing…and I’ve been turning to God during this dark valley. Yeah I’ve experienced all kinds of emotions since losing him from anger, tons of tears, and even smiles as I think of him…graduated and fully healed.

What have I learned? That you don’t know how to be a widow…you expect people to drop things and be there for you, but they have their lives. Yeah, some have been here like my mom and the friends who brought dinner but i’m basically on my own now. I’m not the type of person to stay in bed all the time…getting up and taking care of myself has helped because, not only have I become a widow, I need to find a job and a new home…so that’s another journey that’s easier to walk than the journey of being a widow…

So for a while my blogs will be sporadic but I hope to start back up again as I share insights on being a widow while finding a job and a new home…but I know God is helping me on each of these journeys. And, as one pastor told me, my husband is probably helping God with my journey too as I cherish memories, his ashes, and our rings while being part of the widowhood club…

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My blog is about casting vision for an exciting ministry that my husband and I would like to start. We are in the beginning stage of planning and will be making a move by the end of the summer to start the process.