Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Storytime with Erik Bedard

: Little Bo Peep lost her sheep.:: Did she ever find them?: That's a good question.:::: Well, did she?: No more questions.: You're a bad storyteller.: I'm not the FBI, kid.:: [opens door]: Time for recess.: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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: Three pigs lived in three houses.: There was a wolf who tried to eat them.: The first pig lived in the sticks, literally.: What was his house made of?: Straw.: That's not very strong.: He got it off a foreclosure auction for $20. You get what you pay for.:: The second pig lived in government housing.: Why didn't the first pig buy a better house?: Rolling in mud doesn't pay well.: Why didn't he get a better job?: He's a pig.:: Anyway, the wolf blew both their houses down.: The wolf has really strong lungs!: His lungs are powered by a government creation called eminent domain.:: Well, that and cocaine.: What is eminent domain?: It's government speak for, "Get off my land.": But that's the pigs' houses!: Possession is nine tenths of the law. Being a carnivore is the other tenth.:: The pigs went to their brother's house. That house was made of brick.: Did the wolf blow that house down?: Of course not. That pig works for the government.:: What: Yeah, eventually we reached a point where we couldn't tell the pigs from the humans. But that's another story.:: [opens door]: Time for recess.: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

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: There was a princess.: There was a single green pea under her mattress.: She couldn't sleep.: The pea bothered her that much?: Yes.: She also complained about the room being hot if the temperature was 74 degrees.: She complained it was too cold if the room was 72 degrees.: : Yeah, she was one of those.: Couldn't she just lift up the mattress and get rid of the pea?: That would take effort.: So no.: Well then, it's her own fault.: Yes.::: What's the point of this story?: Boys should be careful who they take out to dinner.: She may be a complete twat.: What's a twat?:: [opens door]: Time for recess.: YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY