I'm Mike McAlister and this is Newsfeed.
Today's headline? Gary Busey has announced he's bankrupt! Tomorrow's headline? Gary Busey has been found in a gutter. Busey has listed his debts as ranging somewhere between five hundred thousand and a million dollars, a true testament to his accounting skills. The Celebrity Apprentice star's assets were listed at a mere fifty thousand dollars and were linked to a single item: a sole crystal containing the spirit and essence of Robert Downey Junior. I don't know what that is either, but apparently it's fairly normal to own one... if you're [expletive] insane.
My name is Michael McAlister and you've been fed!