My Experience With Revenge Porn

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05/04/2016 17:35 BST
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Updated
06/04/2017 10:12 BST

Naked selfies are everywhere. Kim K posted them and got both praise and critique, starting a huge feminist debate that hung around the internet for several days. Chelsea Handler posted one to celebrate Reese Witherspoon's birthday. It seems to be a accepted to be naked on the internet.

Unless that decision was made by somebody else for you. Unless that picture was meant for one person's eyes only. Unless that photo has been used against you.

In August 2015, I found out that I was a victim of what is most commonly known as 'Revenge Porn'. If you're not sure what it is let me introduce you to one of the worst corners of the internet; 'Revenge Porn' is the sharing and publicizing of images with the intention to embarrass.

Most commonly it is the act of a former partner who sees fit to share your images that you never thought in your scariest nightmares would be shared.

My experience with it was not how the usual 'Revenge Porn' occurrence. I may have found out about it in 2015 but it had started three years prior. My friend had texted me a screenshot of a Twitter account with my pictures all over it - yet it was not mine. The account had several links in the bio for a lot of photo-driven social media websites, all with my first name and my personal photos. Not only did social media have my photos but also some of the most disgusting porn sites I have ever seen. I was everywhere.

Going through the images was tough - I couldn't bare to see anymore of them on anymore websites, but I had to keep going in order to gather evidence for my case officer.

I was able to guess who had done this to me from the age of the photos. In a large proportion of these photos I was under the age of 18 - which was something that sparked the police's interest greatly - and there was only one guy that would have such a collection of images of my naive self.

This person was somebody who up until August 2015 I considered a trusted friend. We had met online and had a brief romance, which again was online. We stayed in touch for years after that, and throughout those years of friendship some flirting sparked every now and again. This resulted in quite a collection of photos of me.

For reasons I still don't know, and don't see much point in finding out, this guy had shared my images to porn sites, encouraging others to share them and to write revolting things about me.

The comments were of incestual nature mostly. His prodding had inspired somebody else to take my images and create all of the social media accounts. This someone is still unknown to me.

The things that pained me the most were the lack of control and the lack of sympathy. My case officer was victim-shaming me at first, which was a huge shock to me. Colleagues and friends were not sure how to react to something like this, so it was difficult to turn to them for support when I truly needed it. Some of them tried to make jokes - jokes that felt incredibly inappropriate at the time - though I know that they had no ill intentions. This alongside with the realization that I would never, ever be able to delete all of my pictures fully was what caused me to spiral into depression. For three years these images had been online - and there was no way of knowing just how many people had saved them to their personal computers, and that was something I just have to live with.

I felt so low from this experience that one day I was driving home from work, thinking if I were to just swerve right now, it would all be finished and I wouldn't have to deal with all this shame anymore. I wouldn't have to feel anything. The depression was and still is a lot harder to deal with than I thought, but having since moved away for a fresh start I'm starting to feel better.

If there is somebody who is going through this or something similar, please realize that it is not your fault and you will be able to move on from this. There are people who can help, such as the Revenge Porn Helpline (UK) who are amazing at getting photos removed, and the Queen Mary Legal Advice Centre, who will provide free legal advice for you.

Everybody takes naked photos nowadays, and it is not somebody's fault that their trust was broken by somebody else. This is not a punishment for being 'promiscuous'. This is not anybody's fault except the person who did this to you.