Eating an entire large pepperoni pizza and then making yourself throw up in a pledge’s mouth. TFM.

You, sir, are truly sick.

Sleeping with a night light because the demon who haunts your soul only comes in the dark. TFM.

What in the shit?

Founding a new fraternity that’s founded on the belief that peanut butter and jelly sandwiches are the root of all evil. TFM.

Good luck with recruitment.

Politely asking her to singe your ball hair with a lighter while she sucks you off. TFM.

So many of you have serious sexual issues.

Redefining the whole frat game by wearing crotchless panties to formal. TFM.

Your date must be proud.

Shitting your pants in a crowded bar and just going with it and continuing to pound shots. TFM.

Time to go home, buddy. Maybe permanently.

When you’re tag-teaming a babe with your bro and you accidentally make eye contact with him but then it just feels right so you stare deep into each other’s souls and feel true brotherhood for the first time. TFM.

Thank you for sharing this intimate experience with us all.

Setting the world record for cranking to completion most times in a Taco Bell bathroom in one day. TFM.

You need to be committed to a mental institution.

Saturdays are for the boysssss I love boy butts in baseball pants. TFM.

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Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover podcast, unbiased Rockets fan, fair-weather Astros fan, and sad Texans fan who attended the 2017 Masters.