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What was the stupidest thing that came out of your spouse's mouth on Dday or soon after?

I can remember of two ( among quite a few)

a) "Don't worry. I won't do anything stupid" I guess going out with her behind my back was not stupid enough? Only if you have sex with her will make it stupid?? What an idiot!!!

b)" I did not take any time from you. I saw her when you were at work or at your volunteer job." I guess I should be thankful that he was so considerate....

And once the storm is over, you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm’s all about.”

Posts: 933 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: Somewhere in the South

tara1110♀ 41202Member # 41202

Posted: 9:59 PM, November 5th (Tuesday), 2013

... " She was not a prostitute or anything like that"...

That makes it's even worse asshole... ONS is easier to swallow than an PA with EA....

I am lucky that I have only had 1 occasion of stupid comments, other than that he has said everything right - but after a few drinks we had a bit of an argument - and he said 'it's not like I had an actual affair, it was just a one off' - as you can imagine I was absolutely furious....so he was saying that I should be GRATEFUL that he only betrayed me in the worst possible way ONCE?! Wow thanks darling, and there was me not giving you any brownie points.

This set us back a bit as before that I had felt totally secure that he completely got it - he did say the day after that it was a stupid stupid thing to say and it was just that he had a couple of drinks etc. but it just made me wonder whether all the things he had been saying up to that point were just what he thought he should say to get round me and not what he believed. I always think there is an element of truth in what we say under the influence of alcohol. I still think that in that moment he believed that he could have done worse things - and actually yes he could because if I had a choice between a stupid one night stand and a 6 month EA/PA then of course I would rather he did what he did - but if I had a choice then he wouldn't have done it at all!

Me - 32
Him - 32
D-Day - 6th Oct 2013
He had a ONS on 23rd Sept 2013

Posts: 69 | Registered: Oct 2013

lloyddobler♂ 41050Member # 41050

Posted: 1:34 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

So far, the one that gets me the most is my wife's repeated assertion that the affair is explained by the fact that our marriage hadn't been so great these last 8-10 months. Classic blameshifting. But here's the part that gets me and qualifies it as the stupidest thing I've heard about the affair: the affair didn't start within the last 8-10 months; it lasted for more than 3 years!

Sometimes I feel nothing but frustration and anger when I hear this thing about our marriage being crappy these last 10 months or so; sometimes I have a rueful chuckling moment instead... posting about it here at this moment helps me make it a rueful chuckle.

WW has plenty she wants to pin on me for the last 10 months, but I'm starting to think that it maybe it's just not that easy being married to someone who is secretly having a long-term affair. In fact, I'm kind of surprised when I notice that I'm still telling myself that there were actually a couple years in the midst of the last three during which we had a pretty good marriage (when, after having been married for six years already, we decided to start a family together, for crying out loud!). Now, though, I mostly wonder what that would actually have been like... a good marriage. And I worry, too, that if I ever again start to feel that I have some of the things that I thought I had in my marriage a for a couple of these last three years, will I ever feel like it's more than an illusion.

Ah... well.. let's get back to the rueful laughter, shall we?

I've come across this joke a few times in the SI forums: Everything about our marriage is fine, except that I don't really care for my spouse's new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Oh... just remembered the other one that starts me chuckling ruefully. When I asked whether she would ever have told me had I not found out, she said that, in all honesty, probably not. Now I applaud the honesty, but when I asked why, she said that she recalls that I had said before we were married that I would never tolerate infidelity, that I already knew firsthand what the toll of infidelity was and didn't want to have to go through that ever again.

So, obviously, this didn't mean not to have an affair, it meant never to get caught... what, because it wouldn't hurt anybody if I didn't know about it? Lunacy. That one I just can't help but laugh about.

When confronted with the txt from her on his phone "We do great sex" the first thing out of his mouth was "We didn't have sex"

DD#1 - Oct 13

"Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive" - CS Lewis

Posts: 783 | Registered: Nov 2013

NoAnswers37♀ 40592Member # 40592

Posted: 4:24 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

"What, so now I can't message a female "friend" at 2am to see how she is doing?!?"

*Facepalm*

Live without pretending
Love without depending
Listen without defending
Speak without offending

Posts: 122 | Registered: Sep 2013 | From: England

UKgirl♀ 17062Member # 17062

Posted: 4:58 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

I think the one that took the biscuit was during the confession. After the initial “I’ve had an affair” (already putting it in the past when it was still active – tsk) one question (amongst the million and yet none that were going through my head) was “how long?”

WH – four and a half years….
Me – four and a half YEARS???
WH – …..But I’ve been trying to finish it for two.

Oh, so that’s okay then! What a guy! Saying that really made it soooo much better! Thank you!

There were so many in those first few days. They do seem to say the most stupid things. Mostly blurting them out without thinking, in a desperate attempt to justify or make things better.

eta - got carried away.....

[This message edited by UKgirl at 5:00 AM, November 6th (Wednesday)]

D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs or maybe 7yrs.
Me: BS, still young. Him, WS, old
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee stalker.
4 grown boys, one still at uni.
"There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after."

Posts: 3874 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK

Scientist♂ 40910Member # 40910

Posted: 6:11 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

How about this from WW after the first Dday? "OM really supports our marriage". Yes, right, and how exactly was he doing that? By screwing my wife 1-2 times a week for the next 4 years. This is not the kind of support I want for my marriage (am I ungrateful?).

One particular gem when I found out that he had slept with OW#11 in our bed:

'I made sure that she didn't sleep on YOUR side'! You can't make it up, can you?

He said so many stupid things when I found out that I simply can't remember them all. To my question of 'Are you fucking X...?' in response to her text 'you know that the sex is amazing...'
he said, 'No, of course not...'

WS had two LTAs of 10 years and 12 years; further 8/9 affairs; EAs, 2 OC. Looks horrific but he is fully immersed in trying to find the 'broken.' It's on-going and painful. If there's a blue sky and sunshine, then it's a good day.

Posts: 169 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: UK

Hurtm♀ 41102Member # 41102

Posted: 9:13 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

The affair allowed me to stay in our marriage.

WTF?

Me: 36 and awesome
Him: 37 and a douche (otherwise known as DB)

DD day October 17th (my birthday, lucky me)
Married 9 years, together 14

DS 5, DD 3

Slowly working through the world's longest and slowest divorce

Posts: 88 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ontario

chipmunk41♀ 40694Member # 40694

Posted: 10:19 AM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

My H said...

"It's YOUR fault too"

"Be glad I told you"

my fault???? yeah, right

Me: BS
Him: ExH
DD 9-13-13
Divorced 7/9/15

Posts: 109 | Registered: Sep 2013

catatonic40758Member # 40758

Posted: 12:49 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

I wish I would have written down all the stupid things. But here are some.
" I never stopped loving you"
"I was here for you and the kids"
" we never talked, it wasn't intimate"
" I did a STUPID thing" this is still being said!
" I did not mean to hurt you"
" sometimes it wasn't good" but it lasted 3 1/2 yrs
" I got trapped, I didn't know what to do. "
" I tried to get her on her "feet" make her not rely on me "
Well her being off her feet and her round heels got you in this mess!!!!
"

Posts: 116 | Registered: Sep 2013

steadfast1973♀ 24719Member # 24719

Posted: 12:52 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

"just because we're married doesn't mean you can tell me who I can date."

we were in such a bad place (yeah, but I DID NOT cheat) I needed to talk to someone. (OK, so certainly DO NOT talk to your WIFE)

I just wondered how her life turned out (really, cuz after 35+ yrs it would really make a difference to us how??)

"We" (him and bitchface) have really been wanting us (him, me, bitchface and her BS) to meet up for dinner!

In a weekend workshop: I said NC!! Him: OK, maybe for 6 months. (to the HELL NO) OK let's talk about her in a year (to the F'n HELL NO)

what a dumb ass!!!

Me: BS
Him: WH
DDay: LTEA

Posts: 1537 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From:

Melian40♀ 41205Member # 41205

Posted: 5:24 PM, November 6th (Wednesday), 2013

Me: "Why did you do it?"
Him: "I thought you didn't love me and we didn't have sex, so I did it just for sex"
Me: "If you needed sex and I didn't give you, why didn't you go to a hotel and call a prostitute?"
Him: "Prostitutes are dirty"

Yeah, right, prostitutes are "dirty" and cheaters and homewreckers are "clean".

BW-me:41
BH-him:42
DD-age 10
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.