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Hello? Yes, I’d like to sell my kidney so my kid can get braces, please.

Holy shitballs, America! Braces are expensive as FUCK.

We just went to a consultation for both kids to get braces…IT’S LIKE SOPHIE’S CHOICE UP IN THIS MOFO!

We’ve been saving – but…does anything really prepare you for the dollar amount they come up with?

$5800 per kid. I KNOW!!! THAT’S WHAT I SAID TOO!!!!!!!!!! SHIT!!!!!

So now the marathon calls start happening. Chances are, our dentist gave us a referral to the most expensive ortho in town and probably gets a kicker check for the referral. SCREW THAT! Mama’s gonna call around town till my ears bleed to get a better deal than that…besides…have you seen any GREAT STRIDES happen lately within the Orthodontic community? Me either. Well, there’s that invisalign thing…but who wants a kid to be able to remove the damn equipment that you’re paying more for than you paid when they were BORN?! Not THIS chick. Nosireebob.

Also – one kid is 16, the other is 11 and the 11 year old has some more growing to do. I figure we do the older one, get her braces off and then get the younger one going. BUT STILL.

I’ll let you know how this all plays out.

Of course the first place I called couldn’t give me any pricing info without seeing the kids first. I already know that they don’t need any teeth extracted and that it’s a pretty simple straight-forward procedure. Slight overbite and overcrowding of teeth. Simple dimple. Nothing major. Sometimes the logistics and hoops we have to jump through in the medical arena are just completely absurd.

I have dental insurance and the prices still knock me over for root canals, crowns, and stuff (no braces, those probably aren’t covered). I bought a passport instead and go to Mexico now. They will even habla english for me.

Can you do hand-me-downs? Like, once one grows out of the braces, you just hand them off to the next? That’s like, gross, right? Possibly unsanitary? I can’t tell anymore. I just got thrown up on, so…. I’m skewed.