'The Biggest Loser' Recap: Two T-Shirts and a SpeedoTuesday, March 20, 2012

I was flabbergasted to see that we're back to the two-hour Bataan Death Marches this week after a brief reprieve of 90 minutes last week. There are only eight contestants left and your comments on these articles tell me that I'm correct in wondering, who exactly are we supposed to be rooting for on this show anymore? The past two weeks have seen the departure of two of the more likeable and more productive women on the show in Cassandra and Emily. Now I guess the fan favorite becomes Jeremy? His relation to Conda will always keep him at an arms-length for me. Who are we rooting for these days?

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Within a blink of an eye the contestants are whisked away to Hawaii to test their ability to lose weight while they're on vacation. They're all wearing flattering Hawaiian shirts, which I always figured were one of the first fashion casualties of a dieter's wardrobe. It all seems fun, except Dolvett is there to remind them "this is not a vacation." Perhaps they were all fooled by this week's excuse being "I can't lose weight on VACATION" or the use of the Go-Go's "VACATION." Then, one-armed-surfer Bethany Hamilton shares her story of overcoming a shark attack to serve as inspiration for the contestants to lose weight. Everybody partakes in some inconsequential surfing lessons and the waterworks are clearly going to be in full force this week.

"See ya in another life, Losers."

Am I the only one having flashbacks to the island of Lost with all of these shots of Hawaiian landscapes? The valley where they're holding this week's challenge definitely leaves me wanting to see Hurley joy-riding that Dharma Initiative van over the hill, and I may or may not be including a vehicular lovetap on Conda's backside in this fantasy. The challenge involves running, which of course eliminates Buddy from competing in yet another part of the show. The contestants are given the chance to determine who wins and who loses this challenge and who will have individual immunity. This gives the most conniving members of the game ample ammunition to snipe their enemies.

Kimmy begins the festivities by finding the "death lei" and placing it on Kim's tiki, eliminating her from the challenge instantly. This gives the opening for the first real glimpse at the triumvirate alliance that has formed between Conda, Jeremy and Mark. I feel particularly vindicated by the inclusion of Mark in these machinations, since I've been calling out his hypocrisy for a while dating back to how he treated ascot man. It gets down to the three of them and Mark is the odd man out. Jeremy lays down for his sister yet again and Conda will skate by for another week. The collective groan of America is deafening.

Pearl Harbor Weigh-In

Tonight's weigh-in is taking place at Pearl Harbor and it means particularly more to Buddy because of his family's history of service in World War II. Conda is the first one on the scale, but we're forced to endure a commercial break before we learn that she lost four pounds. That number means nothing at the weigh-in however and all the manufactured suspense was for naught. Mark and Megan are left dangling precariously on the yellow line before Mark is spared thanks to Kimmy's mundane effort on the scale. Kim gets the last laugh against Kimmy after her antics at the challenge, by sealing a mother-daughter elimination round.

They're really testing the resolve of their already-disenchanted audience by cramming in four commercial breaks to build tension during the weigh-in. It's a lot easier to dare your viewers to change the channel when they all haven't taken to openly hating every person on the show. Kim makes an excellent point, even if it was born of spite. They all voted off Emily last week (and Cassandra the week before) because of strategy. Now Kimmy wants to beg out, but Kimmy has no chance of winning. Dolvett just called her out for settling with her progress so far. Unsurprisingly though, Kimmy gets her wish and is sent home.