Extending Middle Class Tax Cuts: Because despite the fact that the Bush tax cuts were only tax cuts for the rich when he was in office, by letting them expire we will now be imposing tax increases on the beleaguered middle class. Or something. All I know is we need to tax the fat cats more, because Nancy Pelosi is covering the need to create new jobs by increasing unemployment benefits.

So, if you don’t mind, lets get crackin’! We’ve got a lot of Winter Holiday plannin’ and partyin’ to get on with.

Friday, December 3, 2010

Up until yesterday, Copenhagen’s rejection of our Chicago bid for the Olympics in favor of Rio de Janeiro was Big Guy’s worst dis ever:

Leaving Copenhagen, empty handed (well, not quite)

In order to prevent any possibility of a repeat loss, we sent the A-team to Zurich to seal the deal for our 2011 World Cup Soccer bid. Ricky Holder took time away from not prosecuting Black Panthers and Wikileakers to lobby for the games. Big Bill Clinton went to woo the babes on FIFA’s executive committee. And Morgan Freeman went to – well, I’m not sure why – but since he flubbed his lines anyway, I don’t think we have to pay him.

And still, we lose to Quatar!?! A sweltering hell-hole smaller than Connecticut with a population of less than a million – and half of them are illegal aliens working as indentured servants.

Wow. Talk about a bad week. First a split lip, and now another black eye. This is like a really bad flash-back:

Irony is a cruel master, as you can see from the way Qatar’s unexpected win so closely *mirrors* Big Guy’s own ascension:

For starters, the selection of Qatar was historic,

In selecting Qatar, the tiny emirate in the heart of the Middle East, FIFA chose to bring the World Cup to a Muslim nation for the first time. A desire to make history, and the opportunity to partner with the natural-gas fortune of the Qatari royal family, ultimately proved irresistible to FIFA.

"When is the right time for the World Cup to come to the Middle East?" asked Sheikha Moza bint Nasser, wife of the emir of Qatar, in a challenge to the executive committee. "After 92 years of waiting, will we finally be a recognized part of this global football family?"

Qatar has promised to spend $4 billion to build nine stadiums, renovate three others and equip all of them with a high-tech, outdoor air-conditioning system to combat summer temperatures that can reach 120 degrees. The country has vowed to spend an additional $50 billion on infrastructure ahead of the tournament.

To support their bid, they garnered HUGE, nearly bottomless sources of financial backing that could be used to inform voters:

Qatar also poured money into advertising. In Zurich this week, slick commercials showing thousands of young Arabs rushing a stadium in support of the bid blanketed the airwaves in hopes of catching the eyes of FIFA's leaders. The bid plastered its logo near the field of the Barcelona-Real Madrid match, which was televised in Zurich Monday night.

Even as FIFA's selections were announced, new questions were raised about how Qatar secured its win.

… But Thursday night (Sheikh Mohammed bin Hamad Al-Thani, chairman of Qatar's bid) addressed separate allegations that Qatar and Spain had a vote-trading deal. "There was no alliance," he said. "That was a rumor that got started and there was no truth to it."

"Thank you for believing in change, for expanding the game and for giving Qatar a chance," said Sheikh Mohammed bin Hamad Al-Thani, who headed up the nation's bid committee. "You will be proud of us - and you will be proud of the Middle East. I promise you this."

And, for the first time in her adult life, Sheikha Moza bint Nasser was proud to be a Qataran.

"I think it was the wrong decision," Obama said at the White House, joining thousands of disappointed Americans who watched the announcement from Zurich, where a video message from him had been part of the US presentation.

The “wrong decision” - or, as others have put it less delicately, “OneBigAssMistake, America.”

Current Score - All evened up at the end of the World Cup Round, USA vs Qatar:

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Of course there’s lots of news out there. Hillary has challenged Ricky to arrest Julian Assange’s butt even while Gibbsy is telling us:

"We should never be afraid of one guy who plopped down $35 and bought a Web address…We're not scared of one guy with one keyboard and a laptop."

Perhaps he’s not familiar with the Richard Nixon presidency? Or Dan Rather’s demise?

And then there’s the news about the Big Bank Bailout going to bail out – European Banks!!!! Well, no wonder that first stimulus didn’t stimulate anything in our economy. Maybe we should check to see where all that money from the second stimulus went. I’m guessing Asia. That would explain why that Stimulus didn’t stimulate anything over here either.

Butt in bigger news: Lady M unveiled the Big White Winter Holiday Tree yesterday with a preview for military families who were invited over for cookies and crafts.

Tree top obliterated by giant crystal chandelier. Heads will roll. This is worse than the wikileaks.

'In the end, that spirit of kindness and generosity is really what the holiday season is all about,'

They’re also part of what Christmas is about. But only part.

'And it was the idea behind this year's theme, which is "Simple Gifts," because in the end, the greatest blessings of all are the ones that don't cost a thing,'

Maybe not a good idea to lecture Marines and other military families about gifts that “don’t cost a thing.” The gift they’ve given us costs dearly.

One of the "Simple Gifts" MO was expecting under her tree was passage of her No Fat Kids’ Behinds bill, officially known – without irony - as "Healthy, Hunger-free Kids Act," which breezed through the Senate on Monday.

Of course, this “simple gift” came with a $4.5 billion price tag. Which may be why the mean old grinchy R-words blocked The Great SEIU Food Bill in the House with some kind of a procedural maneuver that they learned from the Dems.

House Republicans have temporarily blocked legislation to feed school meals to thousands more hungry children. Republicans used a procedural maneuver Wednesday to try to amend the $4.5 billion bill, which would give more needy children the opportunity to eat free lunches at school and make those lunches healthier. First lady Michelle Obama has lobbied for the bill as part of her "Let's Move" campaign to combat childhood obesity.

Meanwhile, back at the Big White, Lady M took measures to combat childhood obesity and ensure "Healthy, Hunger-free Kids” herself.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I know Big Guy has mentioned God’s name before, mostly at his campaign stops at Black Churches, butt generally he’s been very diligent about observing the mandated separation of church and state.

Exception to the Separation of Church and State rule

He thinks it’s in the Constitution, and who am I to argue with him, since he’s a professor of Constitutional Law and I just have a micro-processor? So anyway, he seldom mentioned God’s name in our historic first two years, and never without likewise invoking Allah and Gaia too.

And I know we seldom go to church anymore, because it’s real disruptive and we don’t like to inconvenience the good people of Washington D.C. on Sunday morning the way we do when we go on Date Night.

So I - like you, probably - was surprised when Big Guy all of a sudden introduced God into his previously god-free rhetoric during his annual Thanksgiving Address. His name seldom came up, even during the 20 years that he spent in Reverend Wright’s pews, so it did seem curious.

Butt like all things in Washington, if you wait long enough, everything is transparent. As it turns out we just wanted to cement our creds as a card carrying member of the God-Squad so it wouldn’t look so, ahh, unusual, to all of a sudden be asking for religious backing of our No Fat Kids’ Behinds program.

“You all play a vital role in so many aspects of people’s lives: offering counseling on family matters, providing comfort and guidance in times of crisis, being there for folks during some of the most important moments of their lives,” the first lady said. “All of you know how to empower people. That’s why you all have an important role to play on an issue you know is near and dear to my heart. You all know how serious a problem this is.

Butt as it turns out, there are lots of federal funds available to allocate to Faith Based Organizations willing to commit to our Fat Behinds program.

The faith and communities aspect will get support from the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships as well as the Partnership Centers at the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and the U.S. Department of Agriculture, a White House aide said.

And as Joshua DuBois, executive director of the White House Office of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships told HuffPo:

…charities involved in "Let's Move" have helped develop goals for 2011, including walking a collective 3 million miles, developing 10,000 community gardens and farmers markets and hosting 1,000 new summer feeding sites for needy children.

I sure hope they remembered to get a “Fat Kids’ Behinds” exception from the Food Safety Modernization Act, aka S.B. 510, which outlaws the sale or giving away of food not officially sanctioned by the FDA. Butt that’s a subject for another day.

So, we’re slowly butt surely working our way through the list of the special interests groups that put us here in the first place. The SEIU has been on board from the inception of the Fat Kids’ Behind program, as have all the Community Organizations. With the inclusion of the Peoples of God/Allah/Gaia this moneygrab health initiative is pretty much a slam dunk.

And please, do me a favor: no more harping about Lady M not practicing what she preaches about nutritious eating. As it is she’s already ticked off. All the good work she’s doing to ensure that your kids eat right, and what’s the top Google hit for “Fat Kids’ Behinds?” That’s right: Sarah Palin: Americans have a “God given right” to be fat.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

To be honest, both Lady M and I are both sick and tired of WikiLeaks, tax cuts, homegrown terrorists and nuclear weapons.

And you know what that means! We’re going shopping!

I saw this fashion forward article in – of all places – the Weekend Wall Street Journal, and shared it with MO because she looked as if she needed a little fashion boost after the long grueling holiday of pie eating contests. Who knew the WSJ was into fashion?

In the introduction to her book "The World of Gloria Vanderbilt," [ed. Anderson’s Mom!]

Wendy Goodman recalls the first time she ever saw the heiress, clad in bright red stockings and a cashmere dress. It was at a Christmas party when Ms. Goodman was 9.

"I was mesmerized," she writes. "It wasn't just that she was so beautiful and I had never seen a grown-up in red stockings before; she seemed linked to a world of untamed glamour." In a season where color is everything, why not borrow from Ms. Vanderbilt's playbook, but with a twist. Try the monochrome leg—matching bold-hued tights and shoes—on for size.

Besides its leg-elongating properties, the monochrome look is all the statement you need (no accessories required!), which makes the idea not only easy to pull together but easy on the charge card, too. A bright gam works best when paired with suede or patent-leather kicks and textured materials on the torso. Try chocolate-on-chocolate with a tweed suit, royal blue-on-blue with a knit dress or a cranberry-red ankle peeking out from a boiled-wool cigarette pant. Whether you choose earth tones for day or vivid Technicolor for night, don't be surprised if you mesmerize—or gain a biographer.

While we don’t really need to worry about the “elongating legs” part, I figured anything that would coax those famous gams into something resembling a stocking would be a good thing. And I thought the use of stockings with matchy-matchy shoes as “accessories” might entice her. Sure enough: I had her at “red.”

So I trans-imaged some of MO’s previous looks to show her what fun this can be. Here’s what I came up with, and now we’re going shopping for the real deal.

The Red matchy-matchy:

This, for those of you who didn’t think MO’s attire could possibly been any more inappropriate at this Medal of Honor ceremony

Yellow,

Mo gave a nod to her inner Smuf with the lemon yellow flats she chose for this dress, butt to complete the look for this charming casual robin’s egg blue shift, nothing does it as well as Crayola yellow tights – which have the added benefit of really showcasing her well toned legs!

Blue:

Which works well with our Superman theme,

and green (one of our favorite colors):

And while I know that the article implies you need no further accessory than the artfully colored leg and foot, need I remind you that we’re known for being fashion forward? A little matchy brooch is always a nice touch.

And you all know how Lady M loves royal purple:

Look how the purple tights punch up this royal look. Strictly for illustrative purposes. I don’t think this particular frock fits us quite as “royally” any more.

I was thinking of offering this colored stocking scheme to Bruno for her use as the new terrorist alert code:

The Associated Press has confirmed the department recently submitted a draft proposal to the White House detailing a new public warning system – one that’s clearer, more descriptive, and lets the public know what actions they need to take. The details of the new proposal are still being worked out with input from several government agencies.

Butt Lady M is balking. You all know what a pain panty hose are, and apparently MO really is getting tired of sacrificing for her country.

Monday, November 29, 2010

“Heading into a tough new political season, President Obama is striking positive new tones that contrast with the introspective self-doubt that followed his midterm election drubbing.”Washington Examiner

Well, that didn’t take long. Butt then, how long do you think Big Guy could withstand “introspective self doubt?” ( Although truthfully, most of his introspection consisted of wondering how he failed to see just what dolts you people clinging to your guns and religion really are - and believe me, he did think you were pretty big dolts to begin with. So you can see where the self-doubt came in.)

All that unaccustomed self doubt so threw him off his game that he took an elbow in a pick-up game of b-ball with the boyz - and to his most valuable real estate, no less: the lips. And if you don’t believe it, just ask TOTUS.

Ouchy

So, thankfully, the introspection is over. Time to roll out a new game strategy. We’re adding bipartisanship to our plays.

By adding a renewed appeal for bipartisanship to his daily messaging, Obama also is hoping to establish a contrast with the more truculent Republican leadership, potentially creating a good cop-bad cop political dynamic the White House hopes will work to his advantage.

Way to go BO! Throw them off their game! Good cop (Big Guy, natch) bad cop (truculent Republicans). That’s the way to true bipartisanship. He learned that from Rahmbo, before we had to throw him to the dogs for being too accommodating to the enemy’s position.

"The test, ultimately, is going to be whether or not you have two sides that are capable of working together to make progress," said White House press secretary Robert Gibbs. "Washington can't just be what Washington has always been."

That’s right, we need more bipartisanship: You know, when RINO’s agree with Big Guy?

The president also used his annual Thanksgiving radio address to issue a call for the parties to work together, saying "it's not about left or right."

"It's about us," Obama said. "It's about what we know this country is capable of. It's about what we want America to be in this new century."

Unfortunately, there still seems to be two divergent views of exactly what that is: Socialist Utopia, or Land of the Free, Home of the Brave.

Korean night. Can you find the socialist utopia of North Korea? No light “pollution” there.

“So let’s all just get along OK? Because… I won. Then I lost. Butt… I’m still the President. Aren’t I?”

One of the first things BO wants to see some bipartisanship on is the Russian RE-START treaty. Because it’s really, really important. And he told Pootie he could git ‘er done.

Richard Burt, who negotiated the START-1 treaty in 1991 with the then-USSR, told PBS’s “Newshour” on Nov. 17 that without a treaty not only do we lose the ability to keep tabs on Russia’s nuclear arsenal, we miss the chance to improve relations with the Russians and we lose all credibility with the rest of the world on stopping nuclear proliferation.

“Only two governments in the world,” he said, “wouldn’t like to see this treaty ratified: the government in Tehran and the government in North Korea.”

Did I hear that correctly: the two governments who would not like to have this treaty ratified: Iran and North Korea? Normally I would accept that as reason enough to block its ratification. Butt I think Mr. Burt meant to imply that if Russia and the US “dial down” the rogue states will likewise be required to surrender their nuclear arsenals (that they don’t have). Heh. That doesn’t even pass the laugh test.

Meanwhile, in other Big White news, Lady M is resting her containment systems up for our next public ‘outing’,

MO sits, precariously, without a chair seat directly under her derriere, butt all containment systems are holding.

And Big Guy, having taken one for the team earlier this weekend on the B-ball court, decided to play with the girls yesterday.

Returning to the Big White after a game of pickup with the Wee Wons and some of their friends. No more harm to the lips.

Granny R doesn’t seen too thrilled does she? Oh, BTW, that’s Kelly, holding Granny R’s youngest grandson sitting next to her. They get lost in the crowd when the O’s are around.

Cinched up for Beaver support. And NO, this was not appropriated from one of our Clydesdales:

Never the less, nice entry into our Boob Belt hall of fame.

But back to the game, need I mention: We Won! Oregon Beavers defeat the Howard Bison, 84-74. You would think father/daughter would look a little bit happier about that:

Butt, to be fair, Big Guy’s got a fat lip.And Wee Won One has her parental units. You know how it is being a tween.

I know I missed the Martha’s Table Thanksgiving Turkey Drop too, butt you’ve all pretty well covered that one.

I just wanted to note a couple of things. Lady M was packin’ the fresh fruits and vegetables for the feast, so no snarking about not practicing what she preaches, OK? Although the bananas and oranges are not from her magic organic garden.

Secondly, that is not a Mooslim head scarf around her neck. It’s a luncheon napkin. In case your set arrived one short.