Advice needed, (letting someone down)

I am married for a few years now and have been out of the dating/seeking game obviously. So naturally I am not very good at picking up *hints* from
the ladies anymore.
however there is one coworker who is most defiantly bat sh*t crazy about me. the evidence just keeps mounting up, constantly calls my office phone
asking how i am, and how was my weekend and what i am doing for lunch. hundreds of emails ect... she gets flustered when she sees me around the
office, drops stuff stumbles her words/ asks me for my personel cell number, talks about how she is alone at home, her roomate/girlfriend is gone for
the week.

this has been going on for a while now, and yes i let her know that i am married and have kids. I think this woman has developed a very dangerous
crush on me. i took a few days off of work and when i got back there was a plate of brownies on my desk with a note that said missed you "her name"
i cannot keep making excuses up, i am actively trying to avoid her at all costs.

I am not a cheater and will not do anything to jeopardize my marriage.

is she psychotic? does she obsessive have compulsive disorder? or am i paranoid?

It's easy.
Make it about you.
Tell her that her kindness is making you uncomfortable. She will either say oh I'm sorry or say that she wants you. If it's the latter you can tell
her where to go.
Nip it in the bud...

I will agree with Hoosier here mostly. Flat out tell Her You are feeling somewhat nervous as to Her advances, and let Her know You are flattered and
all, but it will just not work out. Try to let Her down kinda easy at it will most likely have some detrimental effects on Her, if You care about
that. Or if You don't want to go easy, just tell Her to try for someone else as You are not interested. My 2 cents...... Good Luck!!!

If she is still chasing after you even though you already told her you weren't interested, I would come right out and tell her this crap has to stop.
Tell her again that you are happily married with children and have no desire whatsoever of cheating. She has an unhealthy fascination with you. Not
good!

I'd suggest being very direct, letting her down gently may fail if she's that hooked on you.
Something along the lines of "Hey, I appreciate the nice things you've done for me, but they're crossing a comfort line, and that's not acceptable
since I'm married. Please, stop."

If she doesn't stop, do you have a HR or a supervisor to report her to if need be it? It could spiral into harassment if left unchecked (assuming it
hasn't already)

Does your wife know? If this girl is going this far then eventually your wife may find or notice something which may make her question you. You
already told this girl what the deal was. I say tell your wife. That way she trusts you if this crazy skank tries something. Happens all the time man!

If it were a man doing this to a woman he would be brought up on sexual harassment charges in a heartbeat. This is really not about you, it's about
her inappropriate behavior. Go to Personnel and explain the situation. Don't be thinking you "have to be nice" or need to "let her down easily."
THAT'S why harassment continues. YOU are the one in a hostile work environment. Don't do those 'little things' that encourage this kind of
behavior either.

I would just tell her flat out, like an adult that you dont think its proper behavior since you are a married man. Tell her that you think its nice
and all but that you dont want to hurt your wife or for your wife to find out about the extra attention and have her hurt you.

In the end she is an adult and needs to be able to understand that some people may not reciprocate those feelings she has.

That is all entirely on her. Dont be a jerk about it, but be firm and follow through.
If she is crazy or not, sensitive or not, reasonable or not is her problem. She doesnt have the right to make you feel uncomfortable at work.

If she doesnt react to that, tell HR and have them sort it out.

This is the same as you being obsessive with a female coworker who is married or not interested in you that way.

you know whats really kind of a red flag about this too is that when she does speak to me. her eyes do not move they are kind of dead looking, missing
that twinkle (soul). i really think she is some kind of Daemon. we got any paranormal experts here?

you know whats really kind of a red flag about this too is that when she does speak to me. her eyes do not move they are kind of dead looking, missing
that twinkle (soul). i really think she is some kind of Daemon. we got any paranormal experts here?

Haha that's funny except you are somewhat serious. I met one of these recently.. It ended with everything of mine broken and a crazy thing woman girl
monster in handcuffs.

you know whats really kind of a red flag about this too is that when she does speak to me. her eyes do not move they are kind of dead looking, missing
that twinkle (soul). i really think she is some kind of Daemon. we got any paranormal experts here?

Oh, c'mon! Don't get all weird on us. You shouldn't even have to talk to this woman AT ALL The less interaction you have with her the better,
particularly when this comes down to a personnel action and the woman will have to be warned and/or disciplined. The more you interact with her the
weaker your case is. The next thing she'll say is that "he encouraged me." and then it becomes a "he said/she said" scenario. From what you have said,
you may be perilously close to that already.

The thing is, you don't know the history here. She may have done this before and have a reputation with the company. You wouldn't be in a position to
know. If you go around proclaiming she's a demon and "doesn't have a soul" that makes you as crazy as she is. When you talk to Personnel, which I
encourage you to do, just stick to the facts of what has happened and don't feel compelled to tell them YOUR "theories" about her behavior. It won't
turn out well for you if you do.

Listen, buddy. I've been a Personnel Manager. Employment law is a tricky business fraught with peril. Employers have very little tolerance for this
sort of thing and want nothing to do with it. People get fired over this sort of thing all the time. My own son is one of them. The first time he
reported harassment from a customer, they backed him 100%. The second time he reported harassment, this time from a certifiably crazy ex girl friend,
they had enough and got rid of him. Was that fair? Nope, but he was the one that kept attracting harassment. I'm assuming for the sake of this thread
that you are on the up and up and have left nothing out. You don't want to screw this up.

I understand man. I was always taught to never go to someone about a problem unless you have some possible solutions to give at the same time. Sit
down with your wife and tell her. Tell her you are going to HR also. You dont want to jeopardize your marriage.

This content community relies on user-generated content from our member contributors. The opinions of our members are not those of site ownership who maintains strict editorial agnosticism and simply provides a collaborative venue for free expression.