My Ex Girlfriend Unfriended Me

I mean these days, if you aren’t on Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter, then you might as well not even exist.

If someone asked me right now why I’m on social media, I’d say that I use it to keep in touch with my friends who happen to hail from all around the world and that would be a 100% true statement.

But it wouldn’t be the whole truth … not entirely.

The truth of the matter is that, yes, while I do use Facebook to keep up with friends in Romania, Alaska, Japan, and Germany, often these platforms create a connectivity that I can’t get otherwise. They allow us to keep up with people that we wouldn’t usually spend two minutes of effort to keep them in our lives. It also keeps us connected with the people who wouldn’t spend that effort on keeping up with us.

Heck, I have over a thousand friends on Facebook and I am close with maybe 20 of the and a good hundred or so are family. The rest are acquaintances and people I know through work.

Do You Even Have a Chance of Getting Your Ex Back? Find out in 2 Minutes...

Well, as much as I’d like to have a reason to be that full of it, I’m not…. There is a point to all of this.The point is that these connections are almost as pointless as the connections we feel to actors in movies.

The point is that these connections are almost as pointless as the connections we feel to actors in movies. We are no closer to those 200 family members who are just keeping tabs on you for your mom because she refuses to get a Facebook. *cough cough*

So, it CAN be used to stay connected, but, more often than not, it’s used to create the FEELING of being connected.These days, unfriending someone can be used as a direct insult or as a self-preservation strategy.

These days, though, unfriending someone can be used as a direct insult or as a self-preservation strategy.

In the case of most break-ups, the goal is to stop the hurt it caused.

And, let’s be honest, all you want to know at this point is why?

Well, I think we can agree that every breakup is as unique as the individuals involved. So, without knowing your ex, I can only guess at the “why” part of things.

So, if we put ourselves in her shoes we’d probably do the same thing.

Rash Decision

So let’s say you log in and you notice that she’s unfriended you.

Was there a fight or something that would make her suddenly not want to see reminders of you every time she logs in?

I realize that you are in a place where seeing your ex on social media is still promising, but putting yourself in her shoes might make things a little easier. And it shouldn’t be too hard to do depending on how long you were together. I mean, being together, you kind of get a feel for the other person’s perspective of the world.

So let’s jump in.

It’s never a good idea to make decisions while you’re mad. Just trust me on this one. I’ve had my fair share of dealing with the aftermath of a rash decision.

It could be that while she was still upset about the breakup or what caused the breakup, she decided to cut you out of her social media life. This could be for one or both of the following reasons.

She wanted to cut you off. As punishment for ticking her off, she wanted to deny you access to what is going on in her life. That’s understandable to think this way in anger, but if she actually wanted to punish you she would have kept you around and put on a show of how “wonderful” a life she’s built since the relationship ended. ( I put wonderful in quotations because the life we portray online is rarely the actual life we live.)

The more likely scenario is that, in her moment of being hurt over the breakup or what caused the breakup, she decided to avoid being hurt more by removing the temptation to watch what you have going on in your life. The hardest thing to do is move forward in life when you are still holding on to the past.

Did you ever play THE Game? It was a silly game but the idea was, the only way that you could win was if you didn’t think about the game.

It was almost impossible to win because as soon as you decide NOT to think about something, you are sure to think of nothing else.

Like pink elephants.

If you try not to think of your ex, then she is ALL you are going to think about. How else did you find yourself here?

When you have a fight with someone, do you not spend the next day or so going over and over what you could have done differently, better comebacks and regretting word choices?

I guarantee you, that’s exactly what she did.

Have you ever been in an argument with a woman and she walks away likes she’s done and hours or days later says,

My ex used to get such a kick out of our arguments. Days after we had ended the fight and made up, I would be in the shower in my tiny apartment and I’d suddenly be like “Dangit!” Of course, him thinking I had hurt myself, since I am a huge klutz, burst in prepared to save the day.

“What happened?!”

I’d stand there looking at him, clearly angry, but also with shampoo getting in my eyes and all I could say was,

“I just thought of the perfect comeback for that stupid thing you said the other day. I don’t suppose you want to fight again so I can be incredibly witty?”

It’s not uncommon for our minds to continue processing a situation long after it is over.

I’m sure by now you’ve gotten what I am trying to say. After whatever happened happened between the two of you, she either deleted you as a rash decision or she anticipated that she would eventually do something rash and deleted you as a counter measure.

The thing about this is, as a woman myself, I can tell you that she will eventually regret deleting you.

Why?

Because humans are dumb. I can admit that I’ve done some pretty dumb things at times.

Even if we are absolutely sure that we want to walk away from a relationship, we will inevitably want to know what is going on in our ex’s life. And we WILL find a way to find out, whether we’ve set up roadblocks for ourselves or not.

We are gluttons for punishment.

Is it stupid?

Of course it is!

I can honestly tell you that I still check up on the guys I’ve dated, even all the way back to High School.

Why?

Well, I have mixed emotions about all of them. While my life has gotten much better since any of those relationships ended, I still care about what happens to them. I truly want good lives for each of them.

Now, I’m not saying it wouldn’t make me unbelievably happy to find out that they are regretting that they ever let me go. But, once you invest time and emotions into caring about someone, deep down you always want them to succeed. You just don’t want to constantly be reminded that they are doing well without you.

I’m sure you can understand the predicament she found herself in.

If I guess correctly, you are in a similar predicament now.

Right?

So, you can understand why she would want a break from seeing what’s going on with you, especially if you are sure to keep your Social Media postings positive. Wouldn’t you want to avoid seeing her life going well without you?

If removing you from her Social Media was a rash decision, then it is most likely not simply keeping you from having access to her life, or her from yours. It simply puts a little more distance between you.

Strategic Decision

If it took a while for her to decide to unfriend you and there wasn’t really a catalyst at all, then chances are that she weighed the options.

She could use social media to keep tabs on you, which is really one of the main reasons people keep their exes in their friends list for so long in the first place.

She could remove you and it will make the break-up easier to move past.

Either way, what is the commonality here?

She’s making her decision based on how she feels.

If she has kept you around for a while, then it could be that she hoped to reconcile or that she hoped to stay in each other’s lives. Now that she’s removed you there is something you can take from that. That it hurts to see you, whether you’re handling the breakup really well or posting sappy song lyrics and back and white photos constantly, she can’t handle seeing it and she’s decided to create that distance based on the way it makes her feel.

Let me use my own experience to explain.

I was seeing this guy last fall. He was great on paper.

Had the same values as me.

Good Looking.

Responsible.

Great work ethic.

Involved in our community.

Close with his family.

The only downside, he was hung up on someone else from his past. We’d been seeing each other for a few months, and while I liked him a lot, it was clear that things weren’t going to pan out for us as a couple. So we went our separate ways.

He’s now dating the girl he was hung up on. And we never unfriended each other on Social media. In fact, we added each other on Insta after we split. The thing is, even though I liked him, I wasn’t heartbroken over it. Had I been I wouldn’t be able to see him post pictures of the two of them being unbelievably cutesy together, let alone like them.

The truth is, I’m glad he’s happy, and I can acknowledge that, if he likes her, she must be pretty great.

I’m lucky that I hadn’t really fallen for him. If I had it would have been painful to keep seeing them together.

Here’s the upside to her unfriending you. You can pretty much assume that she still has feelings regarding you.

Here’s the downside, she’s actively trying to set those feelings aside so she can go on living life without having to deal with them.

It’s All About Control

This is where No Contact is important.

No Contact is meant to create space between the two of you so that you can grow as a person and then reintroduce yourself and sort of rebuild the relationship. By removing herself from your social media, she’s made staying in No Contact that much easier for you.

I understand how easy it is to get caught up in the “why women do what they do” thought process.

But the key here is acceptance. Once you accept that you aren’t going to know for certain why she unfriended you and accept the likeliness that she did it just to make things easier on herself the more likely it is that you will get through No Contact without breaking it.

So, what do I mean when I say “It’s all about control”?

Well, there are very few things that we have control over in our lives. One of the few things we do have control over is the way we react to the occurrences around us.

Let me tell you a little bit about my childhood.

Growing up, I was what you would call Obsessive Compulsive. I would do things repetitively, convinced that something terrible would happen if I didn’t.

Obsessive Compulsiveness is centered around a series of unreasonable thought processes.

I believe that my behavior came from a desire to control things outside of my realm of influence. For example, I was convinced that if I completed a certain set of things, then the people I loved would be safe.

The thing was, I knew that what I was doing made no sense.

I was aware that my counting to a certain number while I brushed my teeth had no hold over whether my friend was in a car accident or a family member’s heart giving out. There was no actual correlation between the two circumstances.

So, I set about breaking the behaviors I had grown to find a sense of control in. This was an extremely difficult process. What was even more difficult is that I spent the entirety of my childhood hiding these behaviors from the people around me. Even, my mother didn’t realize why it took me so long to do simple tasks, or why I tied and retied my shoes over and over again. I guess she just assumed I was really into hygiene and held myself to a ridiculous standard of tying knots.

Regardless, she never said anything about it and I just kind of decided on my own that I wasn’t going to let this unreasonable way of thinking control me any longer.

Overcoming these habits meant I had to take control over my thoughts and reactions to things.

I had to replace the habits I had created as a child with better, healthier habits. So, I took to finding comfort in organizing the world around me; creating filing systems for the people I worked for, color-coding my closet, and alphabetizing my DVDs. You get the idea. I did this without putting some outside stipulation on it. It became,

“I do this because I want to, not because I need to.”

I trained myself to get away from the “If I don’t do ______, then _____ will happen,” way of thinking.

It wasn’t easy.

The reason I mention this is because that is what you are dealing with now. You cannot control the things going on outside of your immediate reach. What you can control is the thoughts you have and the way you react to the things around you.

In my fascination with organizing the world around me, I found David Allen’s “Getting Things Done”. David Allen is a productivity specialist of sorts. Anyways, when I read his book, I found myself exceedingly fascinated by a point that he made regarding an old martial arts tactic.

The idea was called “Mind Like Water.”

I want you to picture a peaceful lake.

Do you have that picture in your mind?

Okay. Now, I want you to imagine throwing a pebble into the lake. Hear the noise it makes as it hits the water.

“Bwip” (that’s the sound it makes… for those of you who are confused by my silly noise skills.)

And watch as a few tiny ripples emanate from where the pebble entered the water.

Then the water returns to calm, right?

Now, I want to tell you story about my friend’s Uncle to illustrate the other end of the spectrum.

We’ll call him Uncle Buck. Because who doesn’t love Chris Farley? And, to be honest, Uncle Buck was kind of a big guy. You get the picture.

Let me clarfy.

Anyways, we were out swimming in her pool one day, me, my friend Clarissa, and a couple of her cousins, Jeff and Sam Her Uncle Buck was keeping an eye on us for the day. Now we all loved Uncle Buck. He was kind of a goofball, always playing pranks and making us laugh.

Well, Uncle Buck had these ridiculous swim trunks with rubber ducks all over them. And he came out that day with those floaties that little kids wear and a full on snorkel mask complete with a snorkel on. He looked ridiculous! And like I said before, he was a BIG guy, so his stomach stuck out and hung over the top of his swim shorts like some sort of Hawaiian Santa Claus.

So, as soon as we saw him come out the door, we immediately burst out in uncontrollable laughter, all four of us. We were all laughing so hard, that we didn’t realize he had started to run towards the pool.

By the time we realize that the pounding of his feet on the pavement was getting closer, it was too late for us to prepare for the inevitable. He was already airborne, his arms hugging his knees to his chest for the perfect cannonball.

I can still feel the panic rising in my chest as the tidal wave hit us. I’m fairly certain that the pool was 5 inches lower by the time the water in the pool settled.

You are probably wondering what the point I’m trying to make is?

Well, if you threw that pebble into the lake, you’d be surprised if, instead of a few measly ripples, you were hit by a huge tidal wave.

Right?

Well, water always responds appropriately to its circumstances.

The circumstances you are facing with your ex unfriending you seem to be an attack at first, because it tends to hit you right in the ego. I get that.

But, if you mistake her protecting herself to be an attack, then you are likely to overreact.

She threw the pebble, and you respond with a tidal wave. It isn’t the appropriate response.

So, I hope you realize that you can CHOOSE how to react to the unfriending and t moment to process before overreacting.

Okay, let’s play this out.

What happens if you over react to the unfriending?

Let’s say you demand an explanation of some sort. The likeliness that you actually get an explanation is slim and you make it clear that you are going to overreact to little things. Is that going to make her want you back?

I know it’s easy to see the unfriending as a provocation of sorts, but if you step back and allow yourself to see reason, it’s more likely that her unfriending you had nothing to do with you at all and everything with her trying to protect her heart. That’s understandable, right?

So, the best reaction here is no reaction at all. At most, you might mention to a common friend (who you know repeats things) when THEY BRING HER UP that you noticed she unfriended you, but you completely understand why she would do that. And that you respect her decision, even though you hope eventually the two of you can coexist.

Only do this, if you can completely back it up by not doing anything that would counteract it.

What you want to do after that is do a full No Contact. Use the time to get your life in order. Tidy up anything you’ve let go.

Perhaps you really dislike your job, you have goals you haven’t really fulfilled, or you have some really negative influences in your life. The goal here is to decide what kind of life you want to have, and make moves toward making it happen.

Make a plan and stick to it.

I realize that this isn’t exactly simple, but there is tons of information right at the edge of your fingertips, all you have to do is log on.

If you want to learn something new, there is Khan Academy, which is basically access to free education online.

If you need to know how to fix something there is HowStuffWorks and numerous YouTube videos. (I’ve fixed three computers, my car, and the garbage disposal with their help.)

Basically, just work on getting your stuff together, and be grateful that you won’t constantly be reminded about your ex every time you get on Social Media.

Bonus! The One Thing Your Ex Doesn’t Want You to Know

It’s not really a secret that people Facebook stalk their exes. But I constantly hear guys react to unfriending as if their ex won’t see any of the improvements they make. They act as if they’re going to rent out billboards if they want her to notice.

Well, one, if you are only making your life better, then you’re missing the point.

Clearly, something wasn’t working in the relationship. If you are going to fix the parts of this that are in your control, then you have to commit to it for you, not just because you want her back. If you just do it to win her back, then it’s likely that as soon as you get what you want, the relationship with fall apart all over again… this time for good.

The goal of making your life better is to make your life better. Getting her back is just a possible outcome. Either way, you end having your life in order. And that is a plus.

I assure you, that your ex will see the improvements you make in your life.

You see, when women start to like someone, it’s like the coding in their brain gets rearranged. It’s like your name and all words associated with your name get hardwired in as keywords.

Right now, if you have a PC, I want you to press ctrl + F.

Did you do it?

In the box I want you to type the word “rearranged,” then hit enter.

The page jumped to that word and highlighted it, right?

That is how a woman’s mind works.

Even after a relationship ends, that coding doesn’t get rewritten for a long while.

Anytime she hears your name, something she associated with you, or even something that just sounds like your name, her attention will shift towards whatever is being said out of habit.

That is why I said it was okay to mention to your mutual friend, who would likely repeat it, that you understood why she needed to unfriend you and that you respected her decision.

That way, even though it doesn’t necessarily NEED to be acknowledged, you have put the information out there so that if she happens to hear it from a friend, you aren’t overreacting in any way, being confrontational, or breaking No Contact.

Now, that you know how to deal with being unfriended, you are all set to move forward with the Ex Recovery Program and be successful!

What Do You Think? (54)

Anonymous

August 8, 2017

My ex does not have any social media besides a spotify, so we didn’t have any connections through social media besides that. I found out that she unfollowed me, and it had been a long time since we had contacted each other (about 2 months). I asked her why she did this, and she claimed it was an accident as she was unfollowing a few artists and mistakenly clicked the unfollow button on my name. Though she did refollow me, her just saying it was an accident didn’t quite make sense to me. My account name on her list of followers was nowhere near the artists she unfollowed, and I think that it’s not a coincidence that out of all the people she’d accidentally unfollow it would be me. I’d also started listening to happier love songs the days before she unfollowed me as well. I gave up on trying to get her back because I assumed she moved on, but it seems like she’s still affected by me in some way, at least from the music I listen too. Why would she do this and what should I do from here?

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 9, 2017

if you’re really moving on, then that shouldn’t matter anymore.. are you?

Anonymous

August 10, 2017

That’s a good point. I guess a better way to put it is that I thought it was best to move on even though I still love her, but after this happened it confused me, and made me think I may have a realistic chance with her after all since it seems like I’m still on her mind, and if there’s a chance then I’d want to try. So I’m confused on what I should do next because of that.

EGR Team Member: Amor

August 10, 2017

the proper way is to actually be active in improving yourself during and nc and be active in improving too and then slowly rebuild rapport after nc while you continue improving yourself.

Ryan

July 14, 2017

My girlfriend and I broke and it ended it with me saying i needed to block her on everything so i blocked her on facebook and snapchat but i forgot instagram and she blocked me. I just started NC 5 days ago but I unblocked her on snapchat and facebook but i don’t think she has noticed do i try to re-friend her at the end of NC? or do i try to talking to her over text at the end if she hasn’t blocked me there cause i know i did originally but i unblocked her but i don’t know if she did

Jonathan

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 19, 2017

what about other social media apps?

Rick

July 9, 2017

Also, I feel like the guy might ask her to marry him during their trip (in 2 weeks). Do I just try to re-build rapport as friends in this case and maybe try and meet up with her before the trip or is another course of action better for this situation?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 15, 2017

Yeah, it can be that she’s jealous.. Dont overthink.. And avoid being angry with her.. You have to keep building rapport

Rick

July 9, 2017

Hi there, broke up 5 months ago with the ex and after completing NC for 30 days a couple months ago, we’ve been staying in contact by text, although not very frequently (maybe once or twice a week) even though she’s had a boyfriend for 4 months now. I’ve improved myself and been actively posting stuff in social media. She views all the stuff I post on Insta and has commented positively on it. Soon after we broke up she had put me on limited profile on FB so i can’t see her posts. She texted me recently saying she was finally going to Italy (after further texting found out it is with her new bf) and I got a bit upset as we had always planned to go together and got into a bit of an argument over it on the phone as I asked what would make her think I would want to know that and felt like she was rubbing it in (she said she was just excited to go and wanted to tell me as i knew she always wanted to go). The next day I had posted a pic out having fun with a few friends – a good looking girl she doesn’t know had her arm around me in the pic and i noticed she deleted me from her IG after seeing it and also deleted the pics of us together from when we were dating from her IG account as well. I texted her this morning to apologize for reacting the way I did to the text she sent me and she replied quickly thanking me for the apology and saying she’s sorry I was hurt by it. Not sure how to interpret her unfollowing me as well as deleting the pics…is this likely bc she still has feelings for me and seeing a pic of me with another girl hurt her and she’s now trying to avoid seeing further posts or past pictures of me so she can focus on her current relationship?

Brandon

July 5, 2017

Hi

My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, she said she wasn’t happy but last time I spoke to her she said she had fun when we were together. I’ve been in NC for nearly 3 months and only a few days ago she unfollowed me on Instagram for no reason. I haven’t posted since the breakup so I was wondering what’s going on?

EGR Team Member: Amor

July 6, 2017

it’s hard to say exactly why.. but you need to extend your nc for another month because you need to be active in improving yourself and in posting, even if she has already unfollowed you before initiating contact and while slowly rebuilding rapport.

Tay

June 20, 2017

I didn’t unfriend an ex because I “felt like it,” or I was following my feelings. It was a decision based on his objectification of women and lack of character. Anyone’s experience or advice should be taken with a grain of salt. You have a conscience and spirit to make an unselfish decision and thought pattern that will bring you to an answer.

Anonymous

June 18, 2017

My relationship with my ex girlfriend while together was better then excellent, we hardly fought or argued and always had fun together, We broke up because she said she was so comfortable and happy with me but not with herself she also told a mutual friend the same exsact thing that she isn’t happy, I initiated no contact and I’m 22 days into the no contact rule and my ex has unfriended me on facebook and instagram? It seems to have been instagated by changing my profile picture from us to just a happy picture of myself, have I done the wrong thing?

EGR Team Member: Amor

June 26, 2017

No..that can be a good sign..that means she’s still affected by you. Are you actively improving yourself and postinfg?

john

April 19, 2017

me and my girlfriend been together for almost 3 years. everything was wonderful until she got on birth control and she felt as if she couldnt feel anything else but anger towards anyone, me, her bestfriend, customers etc. We got into multiple arguements over petty little stuff that we shouldnt even be arguing about like ( using a bigger plate so the foods aren’t touching and stuff). This first time i broke up with her (august) because i felt betrayed as she was still friends with her ex and i took her on a trip for her her bday and i caught a glance of her texting him and she wouldn’t want to take a picture with me while on vacation. We got back together after that initial break up and everything was okay until janurary she sarted to feel like we shouldnt be together i talked her out of breakign up and things went back to normal and she felt in love with me even more. Then around april of last week we had a good date night planned. We went out to eat everything was going smooth but she was just abruptly mad for no reason (this is 3weeks post bc implant removal) we had a little argument about the plates and instead of contuining to hang out the rest of the day as scheduled she dropped me off at home and said shed rather hang out a different day as i was already fustrated because i called in for work the rest of the week and wouldnt be able to hang out saturday and told her. few days later i got the we need to talk text and she said she didnt love me anymore. she said she feels this way because she felt that she loved me more than i loved her. which i didnt feel the same because i always said to her i loved her and did things to prove such. a few days later after the break up she texted me happy birthday xyz (nickname she gave me, xyz is not the actual name) and i said thank you, i appreciate it. and a few days later she unfriended me from ever social media site like she did before when i first broke up with her. im lost right now and i need help getting her back. we did talk face to face when she broke up with me and she said she would hang out and get drinks on her bday which is 5days after mine. what should i do?

john

but i also feel like she was just saying that for the moment and will most likely flake

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 23, 2017

Happy birthday John..so what’s your plan? Are you going to see her? For me you should start the no contact rule

Mark

April 10, 2017

Hi there. My ex did not unfriend me on FB, but rather put me on her limited profile list (i.e.. I can’t see any of her posts or pictures – just profile and cover photo pics). What would the motivation behind this be? She can therefore still see anything I post, but I can’t see anything she posts.

EGR Team Member: Amor

April 10, 2017

can be to see if you would react and to know to if you’re social media stalking her.

arenip

April 9, 2017

bro u gonna help me here, I’ve been in a relationship for 8 years with this girl, however she discovered that i had cheated on her several times, she asked me to marry her but i told her that i am not ready for the commitment, i always get angry at her for no reasons, i always get jealous at her and we always get into fight for that, i always treat her badly, always abandoned her, always took her for granted, we are in a long distance relationship by which she just moved to other state on my country for working reasons, now she blocked me from all social media because when she broke up with me i always text her or try to contact her through social medias, shes been blocking me for a month already.

please help me to get her back bro, i really love her, i hope u can help me with this.

EGR Team Member: Amor

G

March 28, 2017

Hi, in a bit of a state, not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. Ex and I broke up 2 months ago now tried no contact but never really got there only ever lasted 2 weeks but she went straight in to a rebound relationship that has just ended last week. Now I’m not sure what to do should I got no contact or is it too late to go no contact, how do I get her back, we had been together for 4 years have house and pets and everything, I’ve gone away for work for 3 months and it’s about 5 weeks until I come back, I would like to make a fresh start with her before I get back and start a new relationship with her. Since the break up I have worked my self metialy and physical as well, even my friends have noticed the difference in me the last 4-5 weeks. I have come out this stronger then ever with in myself and I know what I want, and that is her in my life but not the way it was, I don’t have ant the new relationship I want a knew one with the added benefit that we have had 4 years head start haha. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m still a little lost to what I should be doing I guess she just unfriended me on Sunday but I didn’t reach out or contact to ask my I guess she had her reasons and I am willing to give her space to work on her self and see what we have and over miss what we had. I’m just trying to work out what else I can do if no contact is the way to go, or I should be doing so ething different or something more then no contact. I keeping working on myself that’s what I can control

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017

Hi,

do a full no contact, continue improving yourself and being active in posting and then slowly build rapport after..

G

March 28, 2017

Went you say full no contact you mean 30 days or so me guessing, right now I have done 1 week so far of no contact. Now after no contact what is the best way to go if she doesn’t contact me first or if she does? Don’t want to stuff it up after doing no contact I don’t think I will but want to make sure I have the best chance to make this work cheers

G

March 28, 2017

Went you say active posting what does that mean? And if she has unfriended me what would be the point unless I chance my profile picture is that what you mean? Cheers for all the help thank you

G

March 29, 2017

She contacted me today about a bill for my car should I reply or just keep no contact?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 29, 2017

it’s ok to respond about important matters as long as you only talk about that..

Jim Young

March 28, 2017

Hi, in a bit of a state, not sure if I am doing the right thing or not. Ex and I broke up 2 months ago now tried no contact but never really got there only ever lasted 2 weeks but she went straight in to a rebound relationship that has just ended last week. Now I’m not sure what to do should I got no contact or is it too late to go no contact, how do I get her back, we had been together for 4 years have house and pets and everything, I’ve gone away for work for 3 months and it’s about 5 weeks until I come back, I would like to make a fresh start with her before I get back and start a new relationship with her. Since the break up I have worked my self metialy and physical as well, even my friends have noticed the difference in me the last 4-5 weeks. I have come out this stronger then ever with in myself and I know what I want, and that is her in my life but not the way it was, I don’t have ant the new relationship I want a knew one with the added benefit that we have had 4 years head start haha. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m still a little lost to what I should be doing I guess she just unfriended me on Sunday but I didn’t reach out or contact to ask my I guess she had her reasons and I am willing to give her space to work on her self and see what we have and over miss what we had. I’m just trying to work out what else I can do if no contact is the way to go, or I should be doing so ething different or something more then no contact. I keeping working on myself that’s what I can control

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 28, 2017

Hi,

do a full no contact, continue improving yourself and being active in posting and then slowly build rapport after..

Trent

March 11, 2017

I’ve been doing no contact for 7 days, I recently got a job and I’m working on a website documenting my recovery from anxiety. I’m riding my bike around town something that I haven’t done in 8years. She hasn’t started texting me and I feel like I lost her forever. Been broken up 2 weeks.

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 18, 2017

Hi Trent,

it’s normal to still think about her.. don’t deny that to yourself. Acknowledge it when it happens and remind yourself that it’s normal but that it wont help you if you break nc because of that.. You have to choose to keep going or to keep doing your current activity despite of what you feel.. It’s like being brave. You’re still afraid but you choose to act while you’re also afraid, instead of letting fear cripple you… Do new activities. Widen your world and make new friends..

Blake

March 4, 2017

Did I already mess this. up?

We broke up two days before valentines. That night i blocked her & deleted a picture of us on instagram. Not out of anger, but pain. She was texting me things like “hardest decision ever”, “I miss you” and on valentines day (i bought her and her roommates tickets to a movie) we were texting that we loved each other. I started a No Contact that wednesday, but unfortunately I called and left a vm on day 9 (nothing crazy just: sorry and i’m focusing on improving), texted on day 10 if she “had a min to talk” and finally texted her on day 11 just something I could be happy with if we never spoke again (i’ll give you space, grateful for your role in my life, wishing you the best), then finally we saw each other at a BRIEFLY mutual friends house on day 12, I mean we barely even make eye contact.

So I recommitted to a NC that next day, (day 15 of our break up) come to find out she asked our mutual friend how I was doing that night….

TL;DR I’m on day 5 of my new no contact, and I don’t think I ever got “GNATTY” or desperate. My question is based on what i’ve described above, will my new no contact still have the same effect it might have had if I started immediately after valentines day?

Blake

March 4, 2017

Edit: that last question should be will the No Contact still be effective and did it help or hurt that we were still texting intimate things two days after the breakup?

I should also note, around day 10 she blocked me on instagram and deleted a few pictures of us. (But left one with us and her family.) I think this means she’s not over me, rather than she hates me. Any perspective on this aspect?

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 4, 2017

Hi Blake,

it depends more on if you will stick to this new contact and improve yourself. If you do, then you have a higher chance of getting her back.

J

March 1, 2017

My situation is I used to chose my friends over sometimes jus when I felt it was ok. She got tired and broke up with me. A situation came up of a passing of a friend that first weekend broken up and she had txt me sayin even though we are not together she will always care and be there for me. She even asked me over so i can express my feeling about the situation But I was upset and told her had it not been for that situation she would not have talked to me. And she said some other things and I didn’t reply. What would have been our 2 year anniversary came alone 2 weeks later and then my birthday and she txt me good morning and happy birthday and I simply said thank you. 10 days have passed and I decided to txt her sayin I saw her favorite movie while flipping through channels and it made me think of her. She has not responded. Idk what I should do now

EGR Team Member: Amor

March 1, 2017

Hi J, how much did you improve during nc and were you active in posting in social media?

R

February 23, 2017

Here is my history. My ex girlfriend has a son, and for the 2 years that we were together this was a problem for me. It was a situation that I have never imagined to live and I needed the time to think. We were great together, but this situation about her son was making her to feel sad. So I have decided to give a break, to think better. But she continued to talk with me, sending me texts, saying that she loves me. But I really needed that time to think. 3 months later, she still talked to me, and then I have decided that I was ready to go on with her, but when I went to talk with her, she said that she already had another person. I was destroyed, and I have tried to convince her to get back with no succes at all. She was cold and told me to stay away. Since that day I have used the 30 days with no contact rule and I have studied your site every day. In 2 days the 30 days will finish, and Im not sure if I need to wait 45 days or try to send her a text. After I told you my history, do you really think that I have chance? Can you give me an advice? Thank you so much.

EGR Team Member: Amor

did you improve yourself in the 30 days? Do you think she’s telling the truth? Her son is important to her. So, if a guy is not willing to be a father to her son, of course she would dumped that guy.

R

February 23, 2017

Yes, I have improved myself. Im doing exercices, and mainly Im ready to accept her son. Should I wait for 45 days?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 24, 2017

I think you should initiate at day 31 if you’ve improved yourself and continue improving yourself while slowly rebuilding rapport with her.

Nikolas

February 23, 2017

Chris can you make an article on how to get an ex back if she’s not open to communicating with you? I did the 21 day NC and sent her a first contact text message from the texting bible and she responded very neutraly, did mini nc and her responses are still neutral, sometimes no response at all…seems hopeless

EGR Team Member: Amor

Gabriel

February 21, 2017

Does this article still applies if 40 days after the break up you see her for a week and then screw things up… Its been a month now she unfriended me 3 weeks ago I tried to contact her twice she answered me once with only a “?” and then blocked my number after my second text… I’m desperate, i barely sleep at night and i’m having suicidal thoughts. She doesn’t care, she will never come back, i screwed up everything too many times

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Hi Gabriel,

You need to have professional counseling. If she blocked you, that means she thinks you’re chasing..

Mark

February 17, 2017

My girlfriend and I broke up the ninth of last month. During that week I was a mess I threaten suicide I was falling apart at the seams well on the vaction that I had planned to take her with. The next week I got back and I saw her the next three nights as we share an apartment, and of those three nights two them I was borderline hysterical. I didn’t contact her for a few days and she sent texts implying I didn’t want to see her which I couldn’t bear and I told her I don’t want to communicate with her unless she’s being authentic which she said she don’t know what I meant. She finally moved out after almost 15 days. I had been couch surfing until then. I contacted her on the first and she told me I needed to take space so I could get over her. I’m now trying to not contact her I have had to contact her this week to inform her some of her mail is at my apartment. She said she would say when she would pick it up but it’s been a week and nothing. What I would like to know is just me informing her of her mail being there breaks no contact, and did my begging and hysterics at the beginning of our of our break up ruin my chances ?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 17, 2017

Hi Mark,

no you didn’t break it, but if you’re not actively improving yourself you have to restart the count.. That’s why you need to massively, actively improving yourself to make up for the begging and for you to get out of that image.

Mark

February 17, 2017

I’m getting weekly councilling, working out 7 days a week, I’ve dropped 30 lbs, I’m taking swing dancing classes, and I’ve started taking martial arts classes along with yoga. Does that count as massive improvement?

EGR Team Member: Amor

February 23, 2017

Yeah super!

Jacob

February 16, 2017

My girlfriend broke up with me about 4 weeks ago. She said she couldn’t trust me and that i didn’t care enough about the little things. I have been unable to successfully complete a no contact period but I don’t pester her either. If I do text her though, she doesn’t reply, or waits until the next day to say she’s busy.

Recently, on Friday, she called me and texted me at 2am but I was asleep. We talked on the phone the next morning and had a good conversation. She said she didn’t want to be strangers with me.

On Sunday, we had an informal dinner and then had sex at my house. She stayed the night and throughout the next day until the late afternoon when I took her home. There was a lot of love throughout and cuddling and being each others arms.

She was telling me about all the guys that were asking her out and trying to talk to her. Im not sure if she wanted to make me jealous or what. She said she wants to focus on herself when I dropped her off and I said that I wouldn’t text her for a while.

Texted her happy valentines day and she said thank you and then stopped replying to me. Her birthday is next week. I’m not sure what to do. I know it would hurt her if I don’t say happy birthday.

EGR Team Member: Amor

if you’re going to do the no contact rule, stick to it.. because right now, you’re heading to being friends with benefits. If you want, do it after her birthday.

Jacob

February 19, 2017

I’m going to start no contact right after her upcoming birthday. It seems like she’s with a new guy. They just went on a trip together too. If I had to guess, she was talking to the new guy before she broke up with me and he is one of the reasons that she did. Should I just forget about it all or attempt to talk to her after the no contact?