werrrd

Month: May 2015

One of the many reasons people self-harm: to feel like they have control in this one aspect of their life. Chuck Palahnuik took this idea and wrote a novel. It’s called Invisible Monsters. If you want to read this book on your own, you should do that.. I will now continue with spoilers.

The novel’s main character is Shannon McFarland. We learn about her life as it is currently and as it was previously from her point of view. The story is told in a nonlinear manner, where various events are included when Shannon believes it’s necessary… sort of a flow of conscious kind of knit… but sometimes, things aren’t obviously tied together.

We know very little at first. We know Shannon’s jaw has been shot off her face thus making it impossible for her to talk except in gurgling sounds. We quickly learn Shannon was a model, and, obviously, can no longer be a model. We learn Shannon does not really care much for her family.. there’s some strain since her brother Shane died.

Shannon has a few important people in her life she is constantly talking about. There’s Evie, her best friend prior to her jaw-accident, Manus, her boyfriend prior to the jaw-accident, and Brandy, her best friend post accident. Every one of these people are the most superficial people you could ever meet. I mean, Manus sleeps with men just so he can feel like he’s still got it… Brandy is all about keeping up appearances… and we don’t know much about Evie except she’s a model and encourages Shannon to go for hand modeling and to reconstruct her jaw so that she can continue modeling… because all that matters is your appearance.

Anyway… the opening scene is Shannon standing next to a dying Brandy and Evie standing with a smoking gun. The entire book is all the pieces put together so the reader and learn about what lead to this moment. In as few words as possible: Brandy is Shane, after 90% of MTF surgery. Shane pretended to have died and changed his body because he doesn’t want to be a girl and this is the worst thing he can do to himself… self-mutilation. Manus is a detective who sexually assaulted Shane and caused Shane to feel like he deserved less than good. Evie slept with Manus while Shannon laid in the hospital bed. And… Shannon shot herself in the jaw.

Yes.

This crazy woman shot herself in the jaw because she didn’t like her life as a pretty model anymore. She wanted to experience life as an ugly person. The grass is always greener.

At the end, when she’s standing there watching her brother die because of her… her brother who actually suffered.

Nooooow Shannon’s sorry. She’s sorry she mutilated herself for no reason except she was bored.

In my opinion, Shannon is the most self-centered of them all. WHO THE EFF WOULD DO THAT BECAUSE THEY ARE THAT BORED? For realz. You can’t move to another country and teach english? You can’t just eat a lot and become fat? You can’t travel around the world? Learn to weld? Have a baby? It makes complete sense to not only destroy your life, but destroy the lives of those around you. COMPLETE SENSE.

Then, you have the nerve to give Shane your identity and decide that makes up for everything you’ve done.. WHO THE EFF ARE YOU to play God? It’s not okay that you play Evie when all she did was sleep with your boyfriend. What IS that compared to burning down two houses? It’s not okay that you drag Manus around and drug him when all he did was sleep with Evie, assault your brother, and try to kill you…. oh wait… he deserved worse, you’re right. But, what about poor innocent Brandy? The woman who took you in and tried to build you up after your accident. She didn’t deserve for you to hate her. To plan her demise. Shane walked away from the family because you didn’t open the window for him. Brandy took that bullet because you didn’t stop it. You hate Shane because he took your attention. REALLY?!

I’m not sure if we are supposed to feel bad for Shannon. I can’t tell if she’s supposed to be the hero. All I know is that I would never forgive her. I wouldn’t want her in my life. There aren’t any heroes in this book. Everyone is a villain.

I picked up Invisible Monsters because I’ve read Survivor and I’ve watched Fight Club. Both of these are pretty good in my opinion. I.M. is not horrible, but it seems to me that Palahnuik only knows how to write apathetic-sounding characters who end up in a whirl-wind situation of their own doing. Not that C.P. is a bad writer. Not at all. But… maybe… he’s only good with one type of story. That’s cool. It’s like how Paul Rudd is always casted as the funny guy or how Scarlett Johansson is always casted as the boobier woman.

What did you think about Invisible Monsters? Do you interpret it differently? Maybe you can convince me to have a more positive opinion.

However, you might be a person who has reached the graduate school level. You probably did everything right and you don’t need my help. Cool. But, you need to know how to properly choose your adviser. This is critical. This is the person you are going to work closely with for the next 3-4 years of your life. This person will shape how you think and what kind of researcher you will be. They are your *insert field of study here* mother/father/parent.

You need to do proper investigation:

1) Determine a professor’s research interests.

If you don’t care even a little about what someone is doing research in, you’ll hate your time and you will lack motivation and you will suffer. Three years doesn’t seem like a long time, but it drags on and on.

Remember in High School when you would watch the clock during the last hour of the day… yeah, the last three years will be like that.

One way to get a really good idea of what a professor does: read his/her/their papers. You may not be able to understand everything, but if you think “oh man, this is cool!” or “that is really interesting, I want to know more” or even “this goes over my head, I love the fact this person is a genius”… then you will want to take the next step with this professor.

2) Sit in on your POI.

First, it’s best if you’ve had a class with your POI or if you’ve attended a research presentation (which you should begin attending after your first semester) they’ve given. Then, you know how this person teaches or how this person presents. This helps in that you’ll know how they’ll advise/guide you. You can determine whether their style works for you that way.

3) Meet with the professor of interest (POI).

However, if you haven’t been so lucky… a meeting with your POI will have to do. Tell them you are interested in research with them. Ask them questions like: what basic background material would I need? or, what classes should I take? or, are there papers/books not given in class that I can read to do what you do? are you open to answering questions I may have? how often will you expect me to meet with you? what are other responsibilities you expect? etc.

Problems with this method: people always behave better before you get to know them. It’s later down the line that you will learn how wrong this person is for you. The next item addresses how to avoid this.

3) Talk to students who are studying under or who have studied under your POI.

Students who have already graduated will most likely be more honest about their experience. Students currently working with the POI may not be completely honest in fear; plus, it’s not very professional to spread gossip. Despite this, though, you can tell by the answer (or lack thereof) what kind of professor he/she/they are. A professor worthy of praise will be praised. A professor who is hard in a disrespectful way will either have silent students or students who will complain behind closed doors.

4) REGs are an excellent way to judge a POI.

Most graduate programs will provide funding for summer research projects with professors. Working with your POI for a summer is a great way to determine whether you will continue to work well together.

Note: Everyone has their annoying quirks. You need to determine whether you can look beyond the POI’s treatment of you in order to obtain your degree. Will this professor have you present at conferences and thus provide you networking relationships? Will this professor help you submit several papers? Will this professor be the one to help you pass your defense? These are questions you can determine by asking the POI-students. The compromise is determined by you.

Recommendation: None of these things are worth giving up your dignity and self-respect. Even if you don’t have any of the benefits, by walking away, you’ll at least have your self-worth. I speak from my failure to do so..

Note: Everything I say is based on my own college/graduate school experience. To help others from making my mistakes.

Youth just don’t know. They are listening to adults. Adults who still think a college education is the end-all-be-all. It’s not true anymore.

For first generation students, you’ll go to college thinking: this is it. After college I can be a self-sufficient adult, and I can start my own family. I’ll have a career by time I am 23, so I’ll have children by time I’m 25. It’s later than my own parents, but it’s okay because I’ll still be 45 when my own child goes to college. blah. blah. blah. Graduating college is the biggest accomplishment first generation students will EVER think to strive toward. At least.. that is how it was for me.

I didn’t know anything. My mom didn’t know anything. My grandparents, my aunts and uncles, all the people I looked up to in my family didn’t know anything. Teachers and guidance counselors never talk about anything except getting into college. No one ever talks about what happens after the acceptance.. what happens in college.. what happens when you graduate.. students are so uninformed, it’s not even funny. The best thing you can ever be is informed..

Many, many, many students are going to college now. So many. Just think about it. Wikipedia (a source you aren’t allowed to use in ANYTHING, but it’s extremely useful) says there were 21 MILLION students in college in the US as of 2012.. There are probably at least 1 million more.. and that is only in the US. If all these people are getting degrees, what is the point?

That IS the point, isn’t it? In order to get into a good college, it’s stressed for students to have good GPAs and to participate in clubs and to join Honor Societies and to volunteer and to diversify and to blah blah blah. I’m in awe of the youth who do all of this AND have to deal with bullsh** in their personal lives. YOU are amazing individuals.

It doesn’t end when you get in though. You’re told that if you want a good job you have to keep doing all those things. Except, there are more distractions when you are away from home for the first time.. and so many students suffer because they’ve made the wrong decisions regarding these exploits. It’s more difficult to keep that GPA and participate in those clubs or to volunteer.. but, you can’t get that job without ALL these things.

In fact, you have to do more than what you’re told. You need INTERNSHIPS and WORK EXPERIENCE. A college education isn’t enough anymore. So many companies are looking for people who have 3+ years of experience. Even if they are willing to hire a new graduate, they are looking for qualities that come from experience. That means, you need to find out what these skills are and earn them in your 4 years of college.

It’s a lot. I know… but you are competing with 21 MILLION students.. and many of those students are adults going back to get their education after the 3+ years of experience. I don’t know about you, but I NEVER get picked for dodge ball when I’m a player and I ALWAYS choose the person who knows what they are doing when I’m the captain.

When you don’t have these extra tidbits under your belt, you’ll have a hard time finding a job. That’s when you’ll contemplate graduate school. You’re thinking: I went to college like I was supposed to.. I did everything I was told.. and it still wasn’t enough.. I’m still working this shi**y retail job serving these shi**y people.. I can’t do this the rest of my life.. What can I do?

And you think graduate school is the place to be.

But it’s not.

In fact, it’s worse than getting a Bachelor’s degree. I list reasons you shouldn’t go in another post. You need more. All the extracurricular activities (volunteer work, honor societies, internships, good GPA) that made you look good before still stand.. but now you need to submit/publish papers, present at conferences, teach classes, participate in research groups.. In other words, gaining your professional experience while earning your degree.. all the while pretending you know what you are saying and doing.. all the while feeling as though you are an imposter..

People without a higher education stress that higher education is the way to go because they see everyone around them getting raises and promotions. It’s not true. What you need to succeed is BOTH. You need professional experience in your field of interest. You need a degree to show those mother-effers that you are worthy. You don’t need just one middle finger, you need both middle fingers straight up as a statement that you did more than everything right. You went above and beyond.

Please share advice in the comments for the youth deciding upon undergraduate school or graduate school.

As a recent Doctor of Philosophy, it’s my job to inform youth (high school seniors and undergraduate seniors) what higher education involves. This is the first of a series of blogs I will post. Five reasons you shouldn’t go to graduate school:

1) If you are doing it because you don’t know what you want to do.

Graduate school is a full blown commitment. You are dedicating your LIFE to what you study. You are Michelangelo on your back for weeks painting that Sistine Chapel ceiling. You need to LOVE what you do in order to withstand the lack of blood flow to your fingers. If you don’t love what you do, you will stop caring about everything around you and you will have wasted 5-6 years of your life instead of finding that something you care about.

2) If you are going under the impression a graduate degree will get you a better/higher-paying job.

I will post more about this in another blog.. but, this is the WRONG reason to get a higher education. There is absolutely NO guarantee you’ll get a better job or a higher-paying job or any job for that matter. You go to graduate school to learn. Because you love to learn. Because you love to help others learn. WHY THE EFF ELSE WOULD YOU GO?!

3) If you don’t get funding.

BIGGEST MISTAKE is to go to graduate school without funding. If 1) or 2) are true… and you don’t get funding. You’re the biggest idiot ever (here’s looking at myself).. because if you don’t love what you do but you are thousands of loans in debt… you’ll feel trapped and will never be able to switch careers. Or, if you can’t find a job to pay those loans back, you’ll be in debt forever.

4) If you don’t know EXACTLY what to study.

You’ll have the greatest success in graduate school if you know exactly what kind of research you want to do. You can take the correct classes and find the best adviser for your research. If you go in blindly, you’ll end up taking the wrong classes and doing someone else’s research. You’ll write your thesis on a topic you probably don’t care about, and that’ll be the experience that determines the jobs for which you’ll be eligible… trapping you in an area of research you’ll NEVER CARE ABOUT.

5) If you’re going because all the cool kids are going.

We’ve had it drilled into our heads: go to college. you won’t get a job if you don’t go to college. In a sense, this is true (I will write about this more later). However, it’s also not so true because now we’re getting it drilled: go to graduate school, you’ll get a BETTER job if you go to graduate school. Now, millions of kids are getting bachelors degrees and this devalues higher degrees. In addition, half of those kids will try graduate school, making master’s degrees a dime a dozen and PhDs aren’t as rare as they used to be. There is NOTHING wrong with a trade like electrician or mechanic. Not everyone is meant to have a full blown college education. Many people are better with their hands than with book learning. Please don’t go because it’s what everyone else is doing.

What you should do:

Take time off from school. Find something you want to do. If that something requires you to go back to school, then so be it. If it doesn’t, then you just saved yourself time, money, and pain. Travel if possible. If not, work jobs that humble you, that open your mind, that help other people.

Of course… what you should do and what is possible for us to do are two different things, unfortunately.