A story of a 37 year old woman named Alex, working through the trials of infertility, and now raising a little Alex...

Thursday, May 6, 2010

1WW

One week from today, I have my beta. I feel like I’m cheating a little – it will only be 13 dpiui, but the nurse said that will be fine. I guess I have to remember that when they tell me the number… Assuming there is a number… It’s funny – I still assume there will be a number. I’m still pretty positive this will work, even if the success rates don’t necessarily support that, and even though I have no evidence to support this conclusion. But it’s been nice to stay positive. My big anxiety is around having to wait, and being nervous about it being positive, but in the awful way it was last time… I’ve scheduled my beta for next Thursday instead of Friday, as on Thursday afternoon we board a plane for Denver to see friends and family.

We moved away from Denver – we both grew up in Colorado – almost three years ago, and we both miss the people there a lot, so we try to go back often. This time we found plane tickets for only $150 each, so it was a very easy decision to go. We’ll be spending time with the Hubs’ family, and seeing our friends as well. We have plans Thursday night (meeting a bunch of friends at a bar – we tell everyone to meet us for happy hour, and it’s amazing how many people show up), Friday during the day (FIL’s birthday), and Saturday night (friend’s 40th birthday party). So this will all be good to distract me after the beta if it’s negative. Or if it’s positive… And if it’s positive, I’ll have to bite my tongue and not tell anyone – well maybe… And if it’s negative, I will have plenty of opportunities to drink my sorrows away – totally healthy, I know.

One of the things I like best about the Hubs is how social he is, and as we used to work at the same company, we have a lot of combined friends. We have maintained our friendships with most of the people because of the Hubs’ efforts, which is nice. Our social life in Denver was quite active, and we haven’t really made the same effort in Houston – where we live now. We moved here for the Hubs job, and we always thought we would live here for 2-3 years, and then move back. It’s been almost three years… The Hubs is considering quitting his job, but I found a job that I really enjoy and I predict will work with me when I have kids. If it was completely up to me, I would prefer to stay here. We’ve made a good life for ourselves – we have a nice house, and great jobs (at least I do…) and some good friends.

But when I’m sitting here trying to figure out what to do this weekend if the Hubs won’t help me distract me, I don’t know who to call. I don’t really have any friends that I could call and ask to do something with me, or at least any that I’ve done something like that with before. All of our friends here are people that we hang out with together, after work or something. But none that I would feel comfortable asking to help in the Distract Alex project. I have one good friend at work that I’ve done stuff with outside of work, but she has a baby, and the very last thing I want to do is spend all day with a baby. I know, awful. But it’s how I’m feeling right now, and that’s ok – right? It just makes me think about staying here in Houston, and whether it will be good to stay here much longer. As the Hubs is trying to decide what to do with his job, we’re trying to decide if he should look for something here or back in Denver, and the thought of not having anyone to call to hang out with on a Saturday makes me want to go back to Denver…

Thanks to everyone for your great ideas about what to do with distracting myself this weekend! I had pretty much decided to do something by myself, like go to museums that I’ve never seen, when the Hubs put a wrench in my plans. I had suggested a bunch of stuff – things that he likes to do – and he had shot them all down. But last night, he said we should spend Saturday at a big nursery that’s pretty far away, but is supposed to be nice, looking for plants to replace some dead ones in our yard. And then on Sunday, we’ll work on the yard. And Sunday night, he made plans with another couple for us to see the Iron Man movie – not my favorite type of movie, but I sure love Robert Downey Jr.! So he finally stepped up! I’m looking forward to this weekend – finally!!!

Thanks to all of you for being here in this wait with me – I couldn’t do it without you!!!

oooh, glad dh stepped up and made plans for you! sounds like you'll be way too busy to even have time to think this weekend! and next week's trip sounds like awesome timing - you'll either be able to relax and enjoy that bfp, or drink up a storm (really rooting for the former!!). the last week has dragged for me, so i can only imagine how it's been for you!

Yay for hubby planning distractions! As for dwelling locations...I would personally choose Denver over Houston, based purely on the location itself. I went to college in east Texas, and while the people are great, the lack of natural beauty and non-chain restaurants and overabundance of Walmarts definitely got to me. That said, I don't know about winters in Denver...

Yay! Gardening is an AWESOME distraction. I am sooo glad that you'll be doing something together.

I don't have any advice on where to live, though. E and I are in the same situation. Living somewhere temporary, and not quite sure where we want to go next. Or when. (Besides Oxford, of course!! he he. But that's a stretch.) I wouldn't worry too much about not having good girlfriends yet. The good ones often take some time to turn up. And at this stage of life when everyone is reproducing, maybe it's a blessing not to have any. I've basically avoided making friends here because I know they'll just get pregnant and then I'll be sad. it will be easier when we either a) have kids ourselves and can find women with children in the same age range, or b) reach menopause and can search out other post-menopausal childless women to befriend. (and don't think about option b too much yet).

Distraction...Is that possible? Going to work is easy, but waiting to find out never really leaves my mind. I moved away from my hometown 12 years ago, met my husband and then re-located to a city where he went to university. He has a couple of his bestfriends here, but I don't really have any close friends either. I get together with some people at work, but can't say any of them are close friends. I've had a hard couple of days (started spotting) and am completely worried. When I am at work, I just wish i could grab someone and confide...Instead, blog land is the only place where i can visit and write about what is going on...

thanks for the comment yesterday!! it made me smile, bc i know the grass always seems greener on the other side, but it made me super happy to know that some of my friends are probably desperate housewives who would change with me in a second :o)

About Me

I always wanted to be called Alex, and nobody listened to me. I dreamed of the day when I would have my own daughter to call my own, and I would call her Alex. My dream has come true...
Feel free to email me at adventuresofalex @ gmail . com

8/10 - Received diagnosis of compound heterozygous MTHFR mutation - one C677T and one A1298C mutation. Researching implications. Add Folgard 2.2 2x per day and baby aspirin - for the rest of my life...