I have decided to continue to blog about my brother as what is happening with him continues to have an effect on how I am traveling this new path of my life while living with RA. I normally do not discuss how things are effecting me emotionally. I can spout off statistics and everything my doctors tell me, but I do not go into depth in how it changes how I think and how I view the world. I am going to try to change this. I am not good at analyzing myself: my feelings, thoughts, etc. I am spontaneous and go with the mood I am in at the moment. I have never had a reason to study and reflect why or how those feelings are changing the way who I am. I feel that I need an outlet for these feelings and emotions or this road God has directed me down will not teach me what He needs for me to learn to become who He wants me to be. I know that everything happens for a reason, there is a season for everything under the sun. How this journey affects me is a lesson that I need to learn, I need to analyze and I need to know. I am not self-centered enough to think this is about me, otherwise my brother would be safe and healthy and I would travel this road for him, which is actually what I would prefer. But I also know that everything that happens to us should teach us something. I need to learn to trust in Him, myself, and my loved ones to open up. Trust has always been a large road block in my travels. It is not something I give freely and even when I do, it is conditional. Anyway, I have been fairly quiet in the past couple of weeks trying to organize all the information I have gathered to help educate people on RA. But I realize I have spent more time educating and little time really telling how RA affects MY life as I intended. So now I will be more forthcoming and tell the story I intended to tell all along. I hope you will follow along and learn about RA and learn to know me, all the ups and downs, the hurts, angers, frustrations, joys, peace, love, and more trust.