I purchased this book months ago, and for whatever reason, let it languish in the dusty corners of my Kindle. What a mistake! My eyes have been opened…

D. G. Kaye bares her soul by sharing some of the experiences she endured as a child and onward into her adult years, at the hands of a narcissistic mother. It’s all there, in excruciating detail, the shaming and the harmful words used to inflict pain resulting in the author’s low self-esteem.

She says:

“Many factors contribute to the complexities we experience throughout our lives, all of which aid in shaping our self-perception. We tend to carry baggage from our wounded egos—from the slights, injustices, and teasing of our pasts—which, when harbored internally, can fester into a damaged soul.”

Needless to say, I can relate to her experiences from my own upbringing. I immediately felt an empathetic connection to the author as a person, and that is where this author excels in her writing. By sharing her experiences, she appears to have found the formula for how to deal with her own issues head on!

Words We Carry is jam-packed full of sound “girlfriend” advice for those of us who are ready to change our perceptions. In fact, D. G. Kaye suggests that we learn to “become uplifted and inspired by positive people instead of clinging to negative people who will suck us dry of energy and, in the process, take us down with them.”

Real change is brought about when we learn to deal with ridicule and rejection. The author stresses an attitude of “self-love,” something we all need a healthy dose of at least once a day.

I didn’t feel like this was a “self-help” book, instead, I found this book to be more inspirational in nature. It gave me hope that I can learn to let go of the hurt from my own past.

This is the third book I’ve read by D. G. Kaye. The author touches a chord in me every time. <3

Once in a while you come across a book that really speaks to you. Reading ‘Words We Carry’ by D. G. Kaye was like having friends over for coffee and revealing our innermost secrets or speaking to your mentor about life and how to make it better. The author, who has natural psychology opened my eyes and made me ponder why I react the way I do to certain things or certain people. I enjoyed author, D.G. Kaye’s writing style––so friendly and warm. This book is well written and is easily one that can change someone’s life.

I recommend this book to anyone who ever felt insecure, self-conscious or inadequate. An easy 5 star read.

This would make a wonderful women’s book club read! There is so much material in “Words We Carry” that women will relate to, and want to weigh-in on. Physical beauty vs. inner beauty, self acceptance, fashion, make up, relationships and how they all converge to create a positive self image and overall lifestyle.

D. G. Kaye shares her childhood and early adult experiences that shaped her self esteem. She also shares many ways to improve self esteem for anyone who has gone through a tough childhood or devastating relationships. She courageously bares all to help the reader understand that confidence and self esteem are within our own control. I give this a solid 5 stars and highly recommend for women young or old.

Top customer reviews

A combination of self-reflection and growth with useful tips for those with and without issues of self-esteem. As a man, I felt as though I were entering the inner sanctum of women’s lives. A revealing adventure into a world unknown to me–despite decades of marriage. While I can’t fully appreciate the problems and perspectives D.G. Kaye addresses, I have had glimpses from other of her works, as well as those of others. Not to mention those relationships I’ve had. But this takes me much further into another world of mystery.

All that said, it’s a good book for men to read to better understand the women in their lives and what they go through. For women, I expect that they will readily identify with the feelings and challenges Kaye has encountered and conquered. Take a test drive, looking inside the book and you’ll probably agree.

As a writer, I have immense respect for fellow writers who share their personal journeys and challenges with the sole intent to help ease the burdens of others. In Words We Carry: Essays of Obsession and Self-Esteem, Author D.G. Kaye not only shares her very personal journey to self-worth, she does so with an enlightened, grateful heart. Personally, I loved Kaye’s candid, engaging, and often times humourous writing style. This is an incredibly personal read and one that offers guided hope and encourages self-reflection.

Our lives are shaped by our experiences; every encounter, every moment holds the capacity to build us or break us. Our resiliency to endure and overcome, in large part, correlates with how we see ourselves, how we value our self-worth. Kaye doesn’t profess to be an expert on this topic; the value of this book lies in the authentic approach in which she shares her personal journey. Our self-esteem and personal acceptance are intrinsic to a life of fulfillment, a life of joy. Our ability to celebrate our unique qualities and embrace our imperfections is not a simple endeavour, but it is possible. Amazing things transpire from this inner peace, and this memoir is a testament to that truth. Daye brilliantly shares her journey to self-love, her tenacious spirit shines bright, her words are an offering of hope for those who may be struggling to chart their own course. Her approach is genuine, her encouragement sincere. She is in your corner! A highly recommended high-star read!

This book was gifted to me by the author without any expectation or recompense for reviewing. The views are entirely my own.

Words We Carry is packed with the accumulated knowledge, wisdom, survival tips and strategies from someone who went through difficult and unhappy childhood and teen years.

I think it is fair to say that most of us are less than confident about our body shape, and that is particularly tough when you can no longer use the excuse of puppy fat, and your friends are heading out in slinky black dresses and high-heeled shoes.

Unfortunately, not all mothers are born with the nurturing gene and as soon as you become competition, there is an opportunity to reinforce your lack of self-esteem with carefully chosen and cutting words. I would like to think that the experiences that D.G. Kaye describes were rare, but I am afraid that after counselling women on their health and weight for twenty years, the story is very familiar.

Those harmful words from those who are supposed to love us, are the ones we carry throughout our lifetime, unless we can find a way to dilute their power and replace them with affirmations of a much more positive nature.

D.G. Kaye describes her strategies to claim her own identity, build her self-esteem and evolve from the ugly duckling that she had been made to feel she was, into a swan. This involved a makeover in a number of departments, including wearing high heels at all times and over every terrain, and standing out from the crowd with her now signature titian hair colour. She also developed a healthy, outgoing personality and independence that led her to discover groups of people who accepted and embraced her as a friend.

In the second section of the book Kaye looks at the impact this early negative conditioning had on her relationships, including romances with older men whose different approach to dating and expectations provided a more secure environment. Unfortunately, having entered one serious and long-term relationship, echoes of the verbal abuse that she received as a child and teenager, threatened to undo all the hard work that she had accomplished. Thankfully she went on to find happiness and empowerment with someone who appreciates all that she has become.

Kaye looks at issues such as the difference between Alone vs. Lonely, Negativity and Self-Worth, Forming Healthier Relationships, and importantly Exposing our Personality Through the Internet. All the chapters provide commonsense strategies to overcome a lack of self-confidence, and I do think that women and men in their 50s and 60s, will definitely be able to draw parallels to Kaye’s own experiences.

Whilst I recommend this memoir/self-help book to men and women of my age, I also think that it should be read by all mothers whose daughters are heading into their teens and beyond. It might just remind them of how fragile their child is when about to face the outside world, and that there are enough external challenges to be overcome, without encountering them in the place they should feel safe.

It is also a book for young women who are struggling with weight issues and those who feel that they are not as attractive as their friends, or who feel that they are somehow going through something never experienced before.

There is no reason to reinvent the wheel. By reading this they might take strength in knowing that this is an age old problem, and that they can change the narrative and write their own story.

The dysfunctional childhood suffered by author D.G Kaye has left her with great insight into the human condition, which she writes about with much accumulated wisdom in her inspirational non-fiction book ‘Words We Carry’. We read how parents, teachers, and events in our childhood shape the adults that we become. I suffered quite a few similar events in my own childhood that the author did, and found the whole book excellent and eerily uncanny to my own life experiences.

Ms Kaye believes, just as I do, that we should put on a smile, think positive thoughts, and dress to please ourselves and not others. It doesn’t matter if we are not blessed with outward beauty, a happy and friendly demeanour will shine through and attract new friends. Beauty is as beauty does; nobody gets pleasure from being around a miserable complainer, even though they may be the best looking person for miles around.
By the time the reader reaches the last page, they would have the recipe in their hands to give their self-esteem a huge boost. Over the years I have learned to feel comfortable in my own skin, just like the author had to, and to ignore or walk away from people whose only aim in life was to make disparaging comments in order to make me feel bad about myself.

I received this book in a free promotion, but I will definitely read it again. Thoroughly recommended!

‘Words We Carry’ by D.G. Kaye is a brilliant memoir about building self-worth, learning to love yourself, understanding your inner voice and coming to terms with whatever life offers. We have to face negative experiences at various stages of life, some in the form of negative people we meet and others in the form of words that at hurled at us by bullies. Those words keep hurting even when we grow up unless we address them to put them in their perspective. Kaye shares her own struggle with those words and how she rooted them out of her psyche.

Insecurities and fears are an imperative part of growing up. Often we try to deny them, brush them under the carpet and put up a brave front. Hidden fears manifest themselves by eating into our self-esteem. Kaye talks about them candidly and shares how she confronted them to drop the unnecessary baggage that was saddled on her by her own mother, whose beauty intimidated her as a child and a teenager. Self-analysis and determination to shake off her inadequacies, developing a positive attitude and learning to appreciate her capabilities strengthened her resolve to reach a benchmark that she had set for herself.

It was her best friend Zan, who pulled her out of the emotional traumas and acquainted her with her real beauty, her benevolence and her confidence. This book would never lose its relevance and is appropriate even for adolescents who encounter all those issues that Kaye discusses in a conversational style. The section on relationships is extremely enlightening. Citing her personal examples, D.G. discusses how certain people could be toxic and why they should be shunned. Her insights are inspiring, her obsession with shoes hilarious and her resilience worth emulating.

Some of you will find this book comforting, and a few of you will find it just what the doctor ordered. But it is not for everyone.

You probably won’t be able to relate if you are one of the lucky few whose parents supported your every endeavor, who were never bullied or at the receiving end of a few catty comments that echo still, who began living the life of your dreams and tripped over the perfect relationship the moment you left your parent’s house, or who always found yourself in the center of “the IN crowd.”

FOR EVERYONE ELSE, this is an uplifting, positively focused quick read that is more like a conversation with a supportive big sister. The “girlfriend” conversational tone is one of the book’s charms. Using “open-faced sandwich” examples from her own life in a series of shorter essays organized in sections, the author shares her own insecurities and how she overcame them, disclosing many of her own challenges with the process of developing self-esteem herself. Many with her history might not have been able to do so, struggling still.

‘Words’ would be helpful to anyone of any age with a similar background (and most females still struggling to make peace with their real or imagined “flaws”), but I especially want to encourage younger women to give it a read. It is likely to save you a few years of “relationship mistakes” and second-guessing as you work through the many issues common to most of us. Perhaps it will help you avoid some of the heartache that accompanies those years when we SO much want to be “popular” and think we would be if we were taller/shorter/thinner/blonder – whatever-er!!

Follow the author’s journey as she takes us through what it took for her to work through her own “flaws” and negative emotions and come out the other side, whole, happily married to a wonderful man for many years now, and extremely productive.
xx,
mgh
(Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMORE dot com)
ADD/EFD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder
“It takes a village to transform a world!”

A great female book dealing with self-esteem or the lack thereof. However, there is enough of a message for males to make it a well worth read. Ms. Kaye has an excellent style of writing, to bring the reader into her world and experience her pain and her success.

“Words . . .” is a quick read, thanks to your conversational style — I finished it the same evening I finally figured out how to download it to my Kindle. In my opinion, your “girlfriend” tone is one of the book’s greatest strengths.

It would be helpful to anyone of any age with a similar background (and most females still struggling to make peace with their real or imagined “flaws”), but I especially want to encourage younger women to give it a read. Perhaps it will help them avoid some of the heartache that accompanies those years when we SO much want to be “popular” and think we would be if we were taller/shorter/thinner/blonder – whatever-er!!”

Authentic and Intelligent. I read the introduction to Words We Carry, and I couldn’t put it down until I finished. Everything D.G Kaye wrote about growing up—the obsession with fitting in, being slim to point of hipless, trendy fashion, big hair, makeup and even the high heels that we practiced walking in from the time we were three years old, had me nodding my head until I felt like a bobble-head doll. I was struck by a sentence in her chapter on flirting. “Our egos may lead us to believe that we have to be the object of someone’s attentions to quantify our sexualities.” I can see now how as young girls we learned to flirt and use our sexuality to gain advantage. D.G. Kaye openly shares her memories of growing up, vividly detailing her feelings and insecurities. I personally can identify with every single chapter, right down to the movie Psycho and my fear of the dark. But this is a timeless book and one that is still extremely relevant today. Kaye’s chapter on vanity, centers on insecurity and people pleasing (friends, parents, teachers, boyfriends) out of fear of rejection but more so for validation. In the section Relationships, she reveals how in a past relationship her overly compassionate, ‘I can fix him’ mentality lead to an erosion of her self-worth. Kaye advocates doing away with negativity and not letting it overtake your life, and permeate your well-being. She stresses the importance of addressing and overcoming one’s fears, which if ignored can easily make one a target of abuse. Kaye’s chapter on that subject rang true for me as well, and is a clarion call to develop self-esteem early in life. But it is never too late. Kaye hit the bulls-eye with the statement “We all possess the ability to save ourselves.”

Top customer reviews

This is the second book (but certainly not the last) that I have read by Debby Kaye. In “Conflicted Hearts,” the first of her books that I read, I was amazed at the transparency in which she opened her life to readers. That approach proved effective in helping me to connect with her. I took away much from that reading experience, as I did with this one, “Words We Carry.” In WWC, Debby does it again – bares her life. Using excerpts from her childhood, teenage and young adult years, Debby shares some of the hurtful, shaming and neglectful events, words, and situations that led to her early attachment to low self-esteem. She goes a step further in this book by showing how she divorced low self-esteem by pursuing healthy, authentic relationships and by being intentional with her thoughts and actions. This led her to self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love.

Although I do not share Debby’s exact life experiences, I could relate to so many of the circumstances and harmful words she described. Indeed, I would go so far as to say that many women will relate as so many of our (female) issues stem from our physical appearance. Or rather, our “lack of” as compared to super models or in Debby’s case, her outrageously gorgeous mother. Later In life, Debby learned to counter the mother’s impossible beauty standards. How? She states, “Determination and an inquisitive mind are necessary to rid oneself of anxieties and faulty self-perceptions.” This is just one of the gems she shares with readers. There are others such as this one dealing with ridicule and rejection: “Love thyself.” Simple as a statement but powerful when applied to one’s life.

This is a short read but so full of wisdom, encouragement and self-correction that one read is not enough. Be warned, you may find yourself turning to this book time and time again.

I encourage you to take this walk with Debby as she journeys to self-awareness and confidence. I promise you’ll be rewarded as well.

The author candidly shares her feelings over issues of self-esteem and Inadequacy that stemmed from her family life. She opens her heart and pours out the pain and suffering that she had to endure before she found her true self.

She relates her experience with ill-fitted relationships and how she saved herself from being dragged down by their harmful psychological and mental abuse. Everyone at one time can feel the angst that she describes from jealous friends, possessive mates or just selfish and self-centered people that come into one’s life.

She put her best foot forward and overcame depression and rose to the top with a positive attitude, a smile on her face, and a jaunt in her step and self-esteem. Debbie Gies is an inspiration to anyone who feels trapped in their life.

Words We Carry was an inspiring look into the life of this lovely, caring, and resilient woman told through her heart-felt words and sense of humor in the worst of times. I look forward to more insightful books by this talented author.

A real treasure of honesty and sound advice. The author shares her reflections and experiences with low self esteem and how she has managed to rationalise, analyse and overcome the effects this has had on her life and relationships.
Writing about her mother who was intimidating and cold, attraction to the wrong guys, attraction to older men and many other themes, D.G.Kaye never fails to hit a nerve and turn her bad experiences into sound advice. I want every young girl to read this and understand the lessons Kaye has learned. Wouldn’t life be much simpler.
I felt often emotional reading this book, identifying with the author and agreeing with so many of her lines. A book very well worth your time.

Ever had that feeling of ‘not being quite good enough’,of ‘never fitting in’, of ‘always being on the outside’? Then please read this book.Words We Carry carries (excuse the pun) words that can hit home with a sudden realisation of why we may sometimes feel that way. I’m not saying that everyone does. And if you don’t then you’re very lucky. But, as far as I’m concerned I shall be grateful to this author forever. D.G.Kaye lays her soul bare and, by doing so, allows the reader to sit back and think; to understand that if anyone’s opinion touches a nerve, however well meant, however innocently said, there could be a reason from the past.

Reading this book gave me a reinforcement of the self-knowledge I knew was in me but… is…was my habit to dismiss because, long ago, that confidence was diminished. I’ll say no more on that. I just wanted to stress how invaluable reading Words We Carry was, for me.

The author’s honesty about her own earlier life; her own feelings of being inadequate, of struggling with self-esteem, allows the reader to do the same. Her empathy and compassion shine throughout the text.

There is no magic wand to wave away past hurts but D.G. Kaye shows how she came to terms with herself and how she moved forward. Her journey helped me to re-evaluate my own life. If the first sentence of my review made you stop and think then I urge you to consider finding a copy of Words We Carry. I thoroughly recommend it.

Using words, D. G. Kaye illustrates the power of words. Like using water to describe water, if we want to know what water is, feels like etc. we should step into some water. In this highly personal book, we can step into the water of our emotional connection to words because Kaye provides a steady stream of powerful emotional words.. Even though her personal experiences might not be unique to you, there is something to be gleaned from reading her stories. You may find yourself understanding someone else a little better. You could even find yourself nodding in agreement as you recognize something about yourself. Until we learn that what someone else says to us, actually says more about them than us, we may find ourselves caving to the power of their words. After all, if knowledge is power, wouldn’t self-knowledge be the ultimate power? Read this book and find out how one woman found her ultimate power. How she has built a life where the words that mean the most to her, as hers. Kaye is paying it forward with this book, using the treasure chest of gold she has mined from her own life. Thank you, Debby!

While reading Words We Carry I felt like I was having a personal chat with the author. The phases and experiences the author wrote about from her life are relatable and sometimes funny. Grab a cup of coffee and sit down with D. G. Kaye for some girl time.

In her introduction D.G. Kaye says “I wrote this book to share the negative experiences and obstacles I’ve encountered in my own life. I have tracked my own insecurities and the self-esteem issues of my past in an effort to recognize and conquer the negative image I had of my youth…all so I could finally learn to love myself.”
Anyone who has read her previous books knows that you can count on D.G. Kaye to be open and candid and in her own words, “baring my raw self to the world.” Her honesty and transparency makes for a book that allows the reader to relate with the yearnings in all of our hearts and souls to be our true selves.
This is a book that ought to be on parents’ and educators’ to read and re-read list: “…words linger much longer than physical wounds. The damage done to our delicate egos, especially when we’re small, stays with us through the rest of our lives.”
What is comforting is that D.G. offers sound advice on how to repair our damaged egos and take care of our sense of self. She provides concrete examples of her own life and how she conquered her fears. “If we don’t take responsibly for our own choices, we can become ruled by someone else’s power. This results in us giving up pieces of our own identities to satisfy the whims of someone else, leaving us with little self-esteem…Everyone has something beautiful to offer.”
This time around, D.G.Kaye has this beautiful book to offer.Mourning Has BrokenGetting to Mr. RightMissi’s Dating AdventuresMourning Has Broken

D.G. Kaye uses all her feelings of empathy, compassion, and honesty to reveal the power of WORDS that hurt, destroy, and demean. Words that in most cases have been forced upon us, and we never forget their poignant sting or understand the devastating effects they have on our lives and our relationships. You create the reality that has been engrained in your mind whether it’s wrong, unfair, or just plain mean, spiteful, and filled with envy and jealousy. WE ARE THE “WORDS WE CARRY” THROUGH LIFE! Isn’t it time to delve back to the source to first recognize and then change your self-image, self-esteem, and self-worth?WORDS start piling up at a very young age…long before we understand why such labels are placed upon us by inconsiderate, angry people, usually our families, who lash out at everyone around them in an attempt to make themselves feel better. Who gets hurt? Just about everyone, including themselves. But the delicate psyche of a child, who is born seeking only love and acceptance, is so susceptible to ridicule, negativity, verbal abuse, and degradation. It is rarely a child’s fault that they are bullied, laughed at, used between adults as weapons in grownup games, or called names that stick like glue. Ms Kaye reaches back to her personal, traumatic early years to release the WORDS that practically destroyed a beautiful, giving, loving personality. In her easy, flowing writing style, where you feel like you’re communing with your best friend…sometimes heartbreaking, sometimes comedic, always strong and resourceful…you get the best she has to give to show how you too can rescript the WORDS that keep you downtrodden and afraid to ask for and receive what you deserve out of life. Thank you D.G. for this heartfelt, soul-searching book to set us all free from the “Words We Carry” that only inflict pain and suffering. YOU TOO CAN FIGHT BACK AND WIN!

I just now finished “Words We Carry” and wanted to come here and write a review while it was still fresh on my mind. But it is actually the kind of book that you will draw from as needed in different circumstances as the occassion may arise.
It is a journey through this author’s life, describing the effect that words have had on her. And it really makes you think twice. It helps you kind of re-evaluate your own life and agree with a lot of the points she brings up and has you feeling not so alone in your own journey.
D.G. Kaye makes you feel as if you are sitting at her kitchen table, just having a friendly conversation about “life” and experiences we have as women. I wish I’d read “Words We Carry” in my twenties! She makes you think that other people think and feel and have had the same experiences as you. She talks about abuse and red flags, jealousy and lonliness. It is empowering and real and was timely for me, since I just quit a job of ten years and am beginning a new one next week! A great gift for young girls just moving away or someone like me who has already lived a half a century, and am starting a new job! Thumbs up on this one!I am becoming an avid fan of D.G. Kaye books!Can’t wait for the next one.

This book is so well written, it had me analyzing my own life and my own issues with self esteem. D.G’s profound words have left me with great tools I can use towards overcoming my own battles and self-healing……thank you for sharing D.G. Kaye!

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dgkaye …you re evidently a living writer whose fecund mind overflows to many anonymous artists, writers ,poets and bloggers who will be impacted the more to unfurl their lives -often mixed experiences –ups & downs more amply because you exampled confessional writing & catalyzed it beautifully.I m not surprised.Your website is a wonderful garret .Even the books & kindles are already speaking out your thoughts -memoir indeed without opening them because of your careful marvelous packaging as if they are fresh babies that deserve all caring skill & sincerity in bringing her or him to this earthly unequal world.Continue writing ,keep mentoring and you will see avalanche of fertile ideas bombarding your Broca’s & Wernickle’s areas of your brains .Why not?Your mindset augurs well -and holistically too.
Gbemi Tijani,convener :civicconcern Coming Soon:Civil ProductivityTrust