Unemployed John Prestwick of Barnet was said to be in complete shock last night after bookies made him favourite to take the cinematography Oscar at this years awards ceremony. John was nominated for an Oscar for his pirate version of Hurt Locker that he filmed at the Odeon in Watford with his brother in laws’ camcorder which critics have since praised for adding a gritty, realistic layer to the original film.

The UN Security Council has announced a major tactical shift in the war against Somali pirates today. Highly-trained special ops teams will be deployed deep into the war-torn territory, where armed with projectors and pull-down movie screens they will show a new version of the classic anti-piracy film that British movie fans have sat through at the beginning of every commercially produced DVD for years.