The Case Of The Victoria’s Secret Chili Bomber Has Been Solved!

In April, a woman was banned from a Westchester Victoria’s Secret store after a shoplifting incident. As any normal person would, she responded by throwing a vat of chili on a display case and ruined 65 pairs of underwear, racking up $750 worth of damages. And before you ask — no, we didn’t make this story up.

There’s one question that’s just begging to be asked before we can proceed: WHY did she have a vat of chili with her?* Also, did she cook it specifically for the event? Was this a premeditated chili-blitz? Didn’t anyone in the mall find it odd that a woman was shopping with a pot full of chili?

All questions aside, we have big news…the culprit has been apprehended! You see, she had fled the store, and was last spotted in the mall’s parking garage. But now Lauren Jackson, a 19-year-old from Yonkers, has been arrested after returning to the scene of the crime (chili-less) and being recognized by an apparently traumatized employee. She was charged with third-degree criminal mischief, which is a felony offense.

Oh, girl. You do realize that Victoria’s Secret isn’t the only place that sells underwear, right?