BREAKING NEWS: Teens Sometimes Lie About Drugs

CNN reports today on a recent Wayne State University study that found that sometimes, teenagers do not tell the truth about drugs:

“In a study published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, researchers at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan, surveyed more than 400 high-risk urban teens and their parents or caretakers. After asking about drug use (marijuana, cocaine, opiates, alcohol, tobacco) in a questionnaire, teen and adult hair samples were taken and tested for cocaine and opiates. The data found that young people were 52 percent more likely to test positive for cocaine in their hair samples than they were to actually report using cocaine on their questionnaires.”

What?

What kind of world are we living in, where none other than our youth feel that they can’t be honest about doing something that could get them arrested, kicked out of school, grounded, fined, slapped with a permanent criminal record, sent to rehab, and stigmatized? What kind of world?

Shockingly, the report goes on to find that it’s not just youth. Brace yourself, America — adults lie about drug use too:

Researchers found that adults, like their children, also significantly underreported their own drug use. Parents and caretakers were 6.5 times more likely to test positive for cocaine use in a hair samples, and 5.5 times more likely to test positive for opiates, than they were to report using these drugs in their questionnaire.

I’m sorry — I’m going to have to excuse myself to consider the way that this reshapes my worldview. I’ve really been thrown for a loop, here.