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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

33) Schooling

"The heart of education is the education of the heart. We must help our students to become really good human beings, have the right values, and live for something worthwhile. Academic life is important, but by itself, it is really inadequate."Fr. Sebastian - Principal of a highly respected school.

A teacher gave her class a maths problem involving a leaking tap. One student finished fast, scribbling a number on the answer sheet. The teacher was intrigued. "What is this number?" she demanded. "Our plumber's phone number", was the 'smart' reply. Often intelligent children imagine that they can outsmart others; even teachers and parents. That is good reason we should pay heed to the wise words of Fr.Sebastian, as he continues:"In fact, if we are not careful, we could turn out successful egotists, or deeply corrupt professionals, who did well in our schools".

How do parents respond to Fr.Sebastian's words of caution?1) By realizing that in schools the focus is more on knowledge and skills, and less on values. Schools are pressured into producing top results in examinations. So, theycoach children into performing well in those areas.2) Modern schools have displaced the old 'Guru' system, where the child received knowledge, skills and moral instructions from the same Guru; where the student was molded into a better human being.3) It follows that, the child now receives schooling in schools and education of the heart at home. Therefore parents cannot abdicate their responsibility to schools, just because they pay hefty fees; they cannot relinquish their roles of round-the -clock instructors and character-builders. Sharpening their skills, parents should keep abreast of what happens to their children in school; building on some good ideas, correcting some and refuting a few. With children drawn from different homes in the same class, some negative pictures could be on show.

One teacher puts things aptly:"Too many parents are quick to back off when kids object or complain. They bail them out of tough spots and make excuses or give in, when the going gets tough. Kids are a long term investment, and parents have to stop making short term decisions about them". Recognizing the long term partnership between home and school, parents should be careful in the choice of the school their children will attend; not necessarily a top school, but a good school which makes time for value-instruction and where teachers are a good example to students. Throughthis partnership, between home and school, the self-worth of the child is developed;the very self-worth which will determine the kind of relationships she will build. Will she scorn the less-privileged and resent the mentally-challenged? Will she lay much store by wealth and possessions and compromise on the means to acquire them?Will she trample the feelings of others, including those of her parents? Will she install false Gods of Pride and Self-importance in her heart? The possibilities are mind-boggling and scary. The onus is back on the parents, to be vigilant always and protect their children from decadent influences, trusting in God's Infinite Mercy.

Some parents think that starting school earlier than the rest, makes children smarter. It is better for such parents to watch the regular and sustained growth of their children, than find short cuts to get ahead. Another false belief is that tuition solves problems for children who have difficulty with some subjects. When parents push children into tuition classes they admit:a) that they are defaulting in their roles of parent-teachers, and b) that they want an easy way out. It is not that tuition has to be ruled out; such classes could help a few children in special cases, for a limited period. Tuition is not a panacea.

Team activities at school organized to foster team spirit, should be brought into play at home when children interact with siblings and playmates. The Chinese proverb explains the lesson in typical outdoor language:"Only when all contribute their firewood, can they build a strong fire". Another lesson from school, on continually raising the bar and conditioning the mind to succeed, should be reinforced at home through the example that parents set. Children should visualize success as Bruce Jenner, the American Athlete did. In the Montreal Olympics(1976) he won the Decathlon Gold. The astonishing part was that he won every event in the decathlon. A phenomenal effort by any standard! How did he achieve it? Over his bed he had pictures of him winning each event. He fed himself those images in the morning, as he got out of bed; in the night as he settled into bed, and several times during the day. Those images were not erased as he participated in each event. His mind would not let him fail.

The Author

Quotes on Parenting

"What gift has Providence bestowed on man that is so dear to him as his children?" Cicero.

"Dads don't need to be tall and broad-shouldered and handsome and clever.Love makes them so." Pam Brown.

"The best combination of parents consists of a father who is gentle beneath his firmness,and a mother who is firm beneath her gentleness." Sydney Harris.

Extracts from a Prayer of General MacArthur

Build me a son, O Lord, who will be strong enough to know when he is weak and brave enough to face himself when he is afraid; one who will be proud and unbending in honest defeat; humble and gentle in victory. Build me a son who will know thee and know that to know himself is the foundation stone of knowledge.Let him learn to stand up in a storm; here let him know compassion for those who fall. Let him master himself before he seeks to master other men. Let him reach into the future, yet never forget the past. Let him always be serious, yet never take himself too seriously. Give him humility, so that he may always remember the simplicity of true greatness; the open mind of true wisdom and the meekness of true strength. Then I his father willdare to whisper: 'I have not lived in vain'.

Extracts from Abraham Lincoln's letter to his son's teacher

He will have to learn that all men are not just; all men are not true. But teach him that for every enemy, there is a friend. Let him learn early that bullies are the easiest to lick. Teach him that it is far more honourable to fail, than to cheat. Teach him to sell his brawn and brain to the highest bidder, but never put a price tag on his heart and soul. Teach him always to have sublime faith in himself.

"On Bringing Up Children"

" Your children are not your children.They are sons and daughters of life's longing for itself.And it is your awesome responsibility to pass the torch of civilization to them.Teach them to think. To wonder. To dream. To meet triumph and disaster equally. Teach them the difference between flattery and praise. Teach them the joy of a sunset. The joy of sharing. The joy of discovering the unknown.More than anything else teach them to WALK TALL"-Khalil Gibran