Vibes & Vices: La Condesa Burguesería

My readers know me pretty well by now, and so within days after the debut of the new burger restaurant at La Condesa, stationed in the Marina Vallarta section of town, the pictures started rolling into my inbox. The shots showed imaginative creations such as the donut-mounted Homero, a tribute to a beloved yellow father figure. This appealed directly to my interests, and so I made a point to head over for a chat with burger boss Christopher ASAP.

The Vibes: As I strolled in off the street and past the front patio into the main dining area, smooth house music pulsated from the speakers, loud enough to be heard but quietly enough to carry a conversation. Young couples and groups of friends surrounded tables, taking full advantage of the afternoon burger menu and cheap cocktails.

Bar staff cloaked in leather-trimmed monogrammed aprons grooved to the beat while preparing the drinks, contently chopping and shaking their way through the shift…from employees to clientele, it’s always good when your vision can bring in all the right people.

When Christopher spotted me at the table and pulled up a chair, he started to highlight what made all the pieces fit together so seamlessly: the music. “For me, it’s where bars and restaurants start, the music comes first and the rest can be sorted out later. Music separates people faster than religion…you’ll find all kinds of people in a church, but you’ll almost never find a punk rocker at a banda concert.”

I had actually never considered that, but the resulting atmosphere was hard to argue with.

The Vices: Of course, you can’t eat a Spotify selection, and so Christopher had put plenty of thought into the menu as well. “You can get a burger anywhere, so we wanted to make sure we were giving people something special with every item.” he explained over the mezcal-based Labios Rojos cocktail.

“For example, we’re the only place in town with a fried shrimp burger because it took us 9 or 10 recipes to get a shrimp recipe we were happy with…on his last try my chef handed over the burger looking like a tired boxer. He told me ‘if you don’t like this one, we just won’t have one on the menu.’ I took one bite and I knew this was it…finally!”

All this talk about food was making me hungry fast in combination with a couple of refills, and so while we continued to chat I ordered up one of the obvious choices for a first-time visitor: La Condesa’s pizza burger. Not content to just plop some marinara sauce on a standard sandwich and call it good, this version replaces the top bun with a tiny pizza because we live in the greatest time in human history, at least from a culinary standpoint.

I consider myself a pretty skilled writer, but for a written review of the burger I don’t think I could outdo the vaguely pronographic image I have included of me having a moment with it.

The Verdict: If I haven’t made it clear enough yet, I really enjoy cheeseburgers, particularly those that seem like they were designed by a team of the world’s foremost late-night snack specialists.

With a full menu of possibilities to run through including a stuffed marlin burger and the distinctly inspired Doritos burger, it’s safe to assume I will be back often. I’m also working to confirm rumors of a future event planned around a special Johnnie Walker Blue burger…maybe I’ll catch you there.

AJ Freeman is an adventurous spirit, serial friendmaker, and general enthusiast. He lives his everyday life hoping to demonstrate the nearly infinite potential for discovery and wonder on this small wet rock orbiting a dim yellow star in the backwoods of the Milky Way.