Damned with faint praise.

Hi kids, today we’re going to talk about gratitude. You know it’s polite to say ‘Thank you’ when a person does something nice for you, don’t you? Of course you do. Sometimes if the person has done you a big favour, you can even give them a little present as an extra ‘Thank you’: that shows you’re very grateful. For example, you might give them a bar of chocolate; a Toblerone; one of the big ones that cost $14.

Kids, learn a lesson from Unca’ Troy: if you’re going to give someone a bar of chocolate as a present, give them the whole bar; don’t eat most of it and leave a few pieces at the bottom. If you do that, the person you give the chocolate to will think that you aren’t that grateful at all. If you don’t think they’re worth a whole big Toblerone, give them a smaller one. Remember, it is most important that you give it to them unopened and uneaten.

And if you have another chocolate bar, eat that instead. Don’t eat most of theirs and keep yours for yourself, otherwise they’ll think you are not only ungrateful but a miser. Either eat the whole Toblerone or none of it: but really kids, it’s better to not buy any chocolate and just say ‘Thank you’.