The notoriously volatile cryptocurrency market just had its biggest upset yet. This morning the value of Bitcoin crashed to near worthless after investors pulled all their money out of crypto and started collecting state quarters instead.

Move aside Bitcoin, the future of money is here and it’s state quarters.

At present time, the value of one state quarter has shot up in price from an initial $0.25 to a staggering $34,000 and climbing. Meanwhile, Bitcoin is now trading at a dismal $0.01 each, if you can even find someone willing to take the worthless cryptocurrency off your hands. Anyone who was lucky enough to own a cardboard U.S. map with slots for all 50 state quarters became absurdly wealthy overnight. Shrewd grandparents who invested in state quarters early on and lucky nephews who got state quarters in a clear plastic box as a birthday gift from their grandparents have been turned into billionaires and now rank among the world’s richest people.

Advertisement

If you’ve been foolishly putting state quarters into vending machines this whole time, you must be kicking yourself for not stocking up when they only cost 25 cents.

For people hoping that Bitcoin can make a comeback, the prospects are grim. Economists say that state quarters have several advantages over digital currencies that ensure their long-term domination:

A finite amount of state quarters was created, which ensures that the supply of state quarters will remain limited and in demand. Meanwhile, useless cryptocurrencies like Bitcoin will continue to be produced, thus ensuring that their value will continue to plummet.

State quarters can easily be transferred to anyone in the world simply by putting them in an envelope and mailing the state quarters to them for a low and reasonable postage fee. Experts believe this could lead state quarters to become the primary currency used for all business transactions worldwide. Bitcoin, on the other hand, can only be traded digitally, thus making them useless.

State quarters each display a nice picture showing things from one of the 50 U.S. states like a buffalo, a guitar, Mt. Rushmore, and a peach. Meanwhile, Bitcoin is just numbers.

Advertisement

Is it too late to invest in state quarters? Absolutely not. Although you missed this initial spike in value, there’s no reason to doubt that state quarters will keep going up in price as long as they continue to attract passionate investors who have jettisoned all the cryptocurrency they own.

Meanwhile, anybody who still has a substantial portion of their savings tied up in Bitcoin is ruined and may need to file for bankruptcy. Sadly, this is just one of the dangers of investing in something as unstable as cryptocurrency instead of the wildly profitable state quarters market.

Sorry, Bitcoin! You had a nice run, but it’s over now. State quarters are here to stay, and it looks like their price is going straight to the moon. To anyone who wants to get rich, you’d better buy state quarters quick before the state quarter money train leaves the station.