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Friday, November 18, 2011

Will you, I do, What?

There is no point in denying it anymore, I am going bald. It
started thinning at the back so I could convince myself in the mirror that I
was still fine, but it snuck up on me. There is no hiding it, as you cannot
wear a hat inside forever no matter how backwards it is facing.

I asked around for advice because going bald is not that
uncommon, but the guys at work gave me an odd suggestion, “hurry up and get
married before you get too thin”. Really? Hurry up before I look too shit for
my photos. I just might be that shallow, but I am not about to do anything that
rash.

Wedding photos are from a happy point in your life, a major
event where most of your loved ones will get together and bludge on your free
food. The photos will come up again and again, so why wouldn’t you want to look
your best, but to get married to only make sure you had good hair in the photos
has a Kim Kardashian feel to it.

The idea of marriage scares me a little. Not the whole
commitment thing, even though life is a long time considering you could get only
20 years for murder, but the idea of hosting a wedding party/reception/ceremony
stresses me out. A wedding is the most expensive dress up party you will ever take
part in, unless you do cosplay because then you are unlikely to get married.

A wedding is only a party, but it has to be perfect. No
pressure or anything. Hosting parties used to be easy; couple boxes of goon,
some punch, chips, dips, done. Maybe a Streets Viennetta if it was pay week. Music? I have a couple of mixed CDs here that I made, and a playlist when it
became the 21st century.

The planning that is required for a wedding is making
eloping sound like a good idea. Then it would be more along the lines of
changing utility provider. A celebrant comes over your house with a black folder
and a name tag, you sign some forms, and then you update Facebook. Done.

I can foresee arguments in my future centred on me not
pulling my weight. But if you want to get men more involved in weddings
legalise gay marriage.

Right now, thanks but no thanks; I’m going to take my
chances with Photoshop. If the bride can wear a veil so can I.