Was it good that I left my friend with benefits or should I have just waited?

hey, I've been seeing this guy for a year now, but not regularly. We are two busy med students so we don't have much time for going out. However, I think if we want to we could have made it work, I mean a relationship. We only saw each other 4 times the last year, we met for drinks and then went back to his place, I only gave him bjs, because I wasn't ready for sex. I really like him but I'm not sure if he likes me too. Everything changed when he had sex last Sunday, I wasn't thinkin right and we just did it, it was great but it really confused me. I started having mixed feelings and I felt that I'm getting attached so when he asked me out for Friday, I asked him if it was just about the sex, so he replied no that honestly he enjoys spending time with me and its been over a year so its not just about sex. I texted him again saying that I don't feel comfortable with being friends with benefits, so he said maybe we can take it a step further and meet up and talk. It felt like he really wanted to talk, but when we talked he wasn't admitting any feelings and I was scared to force him into a relation so I just left it like this, we cuddled for the first time he wanted to have sex again but I didn't let him and then he drove me home :(. He kind of said sth about trying to date, but he didn't text me 2 days later, I really got upset because I don't know what happened. So after 2 days, I decided to end everything, I texted him : hey this thing is just not workin for me. I hope we stay frnds. He just texts back hey sure me too. I really feel sad, because I really thought I meant sth to him, why did he answer in such a short message? doesn't he care at all? And why did he offer to take it a step further when he just doesn't care? please I don't know what to think about this guy

hey thxx 4 answering :)! Yea you are right, I thought I could handle that casual sex once but now I know I cant, its sad because I care about him and he just doesn't. I am even afraid to tell him my real feelings because I notice he doesn't love me. I should just get over it but its really hard :(

What Girls Said 1

Anonymous

I was good that you left him.

Ultimately, FWB is saying " I am not worthy enough to be your girlfriend. I am satisfied with being hook-up material and never having anything greater from you than hook-ups" especially if you WANT a relationship and this guy is continually non-verbally saying you're not girlfriend material.

He doesn't seem like he was truly interested in progressing. Sweetie, this is really why you shouldn't just go give your sexual goods away to someone like that : (

: ( see, that's exactly why I disagree with friends with benefits. I think it's a smack in the face. Yes, we all get horny, but no women should not lower themselves to nothing greater than 'hook up material' just so they can get a few easy orgasms. Just take it as a lesson learned and don't give yourself away sexually to any guy who isn't seriously interested in having you as more than a sex object.

yea sweetie, you are totally right! I should take it as a lesson, I just wasn't thinkin when I did it, I mean I thought I could have casual sex, but now it really hurts. Thxx a lot next time I know what to do. Do you think even if I hadn't had sex, he would have left me anyways?

It's honestly really hard to say. For all you know, you are not the only factor in this equation. Perhaps there is a girl from his past whom he already had built a strong connection with and she's back. Maybe he's going through something where he is MENTALLY AND EMOTIONALLY INCAPABLE of providing more than good sex to a woman. You can't always blame yourself. But I think it's just best not to get sexual with a guy who hasn't made a commitment to be only yours becuase of these possible factors.

and because 9/10 times, sex is going to make you feel attached. The only time I know of women not getting attached because of sex is because they were sexually abused in thepast or they are heartbroken and they have detached themselves from romanticism.

yea well I never talked with him about his past relations or stuff, I thought it would sound too pushy or sth, the only thing I know now is that I shouldn't be blaming myself too much, I mean I didn't suggest that step further thing he did, and I know I'm a pretty girl, I don't need this sh*t, it won't get better, he laughs and has fun and I sit here crying. You are 100% right with all your reasons, do you think he might have suggested that step further thing just to get more sex?