For pure, unintentional, unfiltered absurdity, we dare you to top NBC’s “Today” show of April 3rd.

The topic, among co-hosts Natalie Morales, Al Roker and Bill Geist, was the results of a poll about conspiracy theories. Several of which were so stupid as to only beg for a stupid answer — stupid answers that our esteemed NBC panelists took dead seriously!

Thus, they were shocked and appalled — even downright disgusted — to report that according to this survey 4 percent of Americans believe that “Lizard People control US politics.”

Geist, who normally gets it, got lost, even sounding an alarm:

“You might say, ‘Four percent; what is that?’

“I’ll tell you what that is: That’s 4.5 million Americans who believe that lizard people control politics.”

And Morales and Roker also appeared seriously amazed.

Good grief! They really think that 4 percent, or 4.5 million Americans, think “lizard people” run the country? There aren’t 10 who truly believe such a thing, but the question was/is so preposterous that 4 percent were left with no reasonable response than to reply in the affirmative!

If 1,000 people were asked if they think that the Empire State Building is made of sweet potatoes and Mayor Bloomberg is Rasputin’s sister-in-law, at least 4 percent would answer in the affirmative rather than provide the logical answer to such a ridiculous question!

But “Today’s” on-air crew, on April 3, 2013, told a national TV audience that according to a legitimate poll, 4 percent of Americans — roughly 4.5 million people – believe that “lizard people” run the country. Nurse!

* * *

Ch. 7’s “Eyewitness News” remains heavily into interpretive anchoring — explaining, after the story is reported, how viewers should feel about it (i.e., happy, sad, pleased, displeased).

After co-anchor David Navarro explained that this season foul territory at Yankee Stadium will include an emblem memorializing the victims in the Newtown massacre, and the Mets’ Citi Field will include a similar marker in recognition of Sandy storm victims, co-anchor Sade Baderinwa explained, “That’s a nice story.”

Who knew?

* * *

I suppose we shouldn’t be surprised, but the most enduring TV shows are predominated by garbage — garbage enhanced and embellished to stink as much as it possibly can. It’s the formula for TV success — and a steady source of depression.

The syndicated “Maury” show, direct-from-the-dumpster theme programming that now specializes in Maury Povich soliciting men “accused by more than one woman of being the father of their babies” and seen here on Ch. 11 — for three hours a day! — is now in its 22nd year.

Jerry Springer’s sewer-fest for the pathetic, also seen here on Ch. 11 right after Maury, also is in its 22nd year.

* * *

As long as Dr. Phil McGraw continues to stress the importance of trust and candor to his on-air patients and audiences, he should reveal how much his show has paid to land high-profile interviews.

Given that the parents of Casey Anthony, who beat a murder charge in the death of her 3-year-old, were paid (they said the money went to a family charity), and Lindsay Lohan’s mother reportedly was paid $50,000 to answer McGraw’s questions, the appearance fees for such “exclusive” TV chats must be considerable.

* * *

An episode of A&E’s real-deal reality show, “The First 48,” which tracks homicide investigations, included the arrest for murder of a man wearing a replica of the No. 8 Troy Aikman jersey that Aikman wore when he quarterbacked for UCLA.

Recently, I had the opportunity to ask Aikman, now Fox’s lead NFL analyst, if he was aware of that. He wasn’t — nor was he much surprised to now know it.