"The Deen is Naseehah (Sincerity)"

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Month: May 2012

Like most children, I thought my parents were superheroes. My mom could open the tightest of jars and could carry us around while she finished her chores. My dad could come back from a long business trip and still have the strength to play and take care of all 6 of us.

I was in denial about my parents’ aging until my dad asked me to take a basket of laundry down the stairs for him because he wasn’t able to carry it. It suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks that they no longer had the strength I thought they’d always have.

The hardest part of witnessing our parents age is seeing a regression in their strength and capabilities. The two people who we turned to for a helping hand no longer have the physical strength to do so.

Yet when Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) speaks of their old age in the Qur’an, He (swt) does not advise us to offer physical help to them. Rather He Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) says:

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” (Qur’an 17:23)

While there are many verses in the Qur’an that instruct us to be good to our parents, this one specifically highlights how we should treat them in their old age. In his explanation of this verse, Shaykh al-Sha`rawi says that Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) mentions their old age here because it’s the time in their lives that they are in the most need of their children. He further explains that when parents are younger and stronger, their children rely and depend on them because they are able to help them. But as they age, the roles are reversed – the parents go from giving to being needy, from breadwinners to dependants.

One thing we all notice as our parents age is the change in their character. As we become more independent, they may become demanding, forgetful, irritable, and stubborn. Because of this change in character, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) reminds us that especially during this time we have to show the utmost kindness and respect to them.

We are told in this verse to not treat them even with the slightest form of anger. The term “uff” is the smallest expression of dissatisfaction. For us today, this can be rolling our eyes or a slight tone of annoyance in our voices. Shaykh al-Sha`rawi mentions how hard it is to keep ourselves from expressing “uff” because sometimes we do it subconsciously. He advises that we as children should be vigilant in keeping ourselves from expressing these small gestures of annoyance and anger because of how hurtful they can be to our parents.

In the following verse, Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) goes on to explain further how we should treat them:

“And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small.’” (Qur’an 17:24)

“Lowering the wings” is a saying used to express humility. It means that you have a chance to show your power, but you refrain out of humbleness. Similarly, the word “rahmah” or “mercy” gives a connotation of someone, despite having the upper-hand, still showing kindness.

Some of us may consider our parents to be difficult. We may have given up hope that our relationship with them can improve. The beauty of Islam is that God will reward you for your intentions and efforts just as He rewards for good actions. We have to put in effort before we see change. It is important for us to remember that there is no magic pill for good character. If we are truly sincere in improving our character then Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) will put us in difficult situations with difficult people. We learn good manners through these trying experiences.

We have been given an opportunity to improve our character through our parents. As our parents age, we should speak in a kind and gentle manner. We are merciful to them. We cover their faults. We overlook the things they may do that annoy, irritate or hurt us. We reciprocate with love.

Easier said than done, right? Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) has given us the answer to why we may not have a strong relationship with our parents:

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age [while] with you, say not to them [so much as], “uff,” and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” (Qur’an 17:23)

This verse allows us to gauge our relationship with our parents by first looking at our relationship with Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He). Essentially, if we are not fulfilling our duties to Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He), then we will not be able to treat our parents in the best manner1 .The Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us, “Righteousness is good character,” (Muslim) so a righteous and God-fearing child will treat their parents with good manners. Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) has placed such great importance on parents that even their religion does not warrant their child to behave improperly to them.

Now that we are older, stronger and more capable than our parents, this is the time to really show our compassion to them. Our emotions will be stirred by what they say and do, which is why Allah subhanahu wa ta’ala (glorified is He) reminds us that instead of getting angry, frustrated or annoyed at them, we should restrain ourselves and be humble.

The Prophetic tradition provides us with motivation when we find it hard to deal with our parents:

In a famous narration, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “Ameen,” to three supplications made by Angel Gabriel. One of them was, “Far away is the person whose parents, one or both of them, reach old age during his lifetime but he does not enter Paradise!” (Muslim)

This person was given a chance to enter Paradise by being good to their parents, but they let the opportunity slip away. This person lost out because of how easy it can be to gain reward for helping them or staying in their company. The Prophet (peace be upon him) called out this person because it is the ultimate lack of mercy to leave your parents in their old age.

Similarly in another narration, the Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it,” (Tirmidhi). The scholars explain this narration to mean that entering Paradise through being good to your parents is of the best ways to enter it. It not only shows the honor that lies in being good to your parents, but also that it is up the person to take advantage of this gate.

Shaykh al-Sha`rawi says, “Just as they showed you ihsan (the best form of kindness), you must do your best to do the same. But your mercy alone is not enough to compensate for what they did for you. Therefore seek the best form of mercy for them from Allah, the Most Merciful. [by saying] ‘My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up [when I was] small,’ (Qur’an 17:24).”

Just as they still loved us when we said or did things to hurt them as children or youths, we in return do the same in their old age. Don’t wait until you see your parents carried out of the masjid in a box to realize how much better they deserved from you. Don’t wait until that largest gate of Paradise is closed in your face to realize how easy it could have been to enter through it.

One of the former kings of the Children of Israel had a number of sons. Whenever one of his sons would reach the age of manhood, he would attire himself in coarse clothing, join worshipers who live in mountains, and continue to worship Allah until death overtook him. The king did not prevent his sons from going; he recognized that it was Allah Ta’ala who guided them to the truth and that he himself could do nothing to change their hearts.

But the king had a change of mind when, in his old age, he had his last son. Having gathered his ministers and close advisors for a meeting, the king said, “I indeed love this son (more than I do the others), and I feel that death is approaching me. I fear that, if he joins his brothers, those from outside of our family will then try to take over this kingdom. So take him while he is yet small and instill into him a love for this world and its pleasures. Perhaps he will then want to be your king after I die.”

The king’s advisors immediately came up with a plan and put it into action. They chose a huge chunk of land and enclosed it with a wall; inside, they surrounded the child with all of the luxuries they could gather. He lived within the bounds of the four walls until he became a man. Then one day, he looked around and said, “I deem there to be another world on the other side of this wall. Take me out of here, so that I can increase in knowledge and certainty.”

“There is nothing other than what you see,” his guardians said to him. He didn’t argue; instead, he continued to live there for another year; nonetheless, he spent a lot of his time riding his horse alongside the inner sides of the walls. He then repeated the same request that he made the previous year: “I deem there to be another world on the other side of this wall. Take me out of here, so that I can increase in knowledge and in certainty.” His guardians gave him the same reply that they gave the previous year.

But this time, the young man remained adamant and said, “I must leave.” His guardians could hold him back no longer, yet they could not simply allow him to leave, and so they took the matter to the king. The king said to them, “Take him out, for we want what we want, but Allah brings about only that which He wills.”

They returned to the king’s son and opened the gate of his sanctuary for him. For the very first time in his life, he stepped outside and had a look at the world. Yet he was not totally free of constraints, for the king’s advisors went where he went and supervised his every move. Though the king’s son had become a man, he knew nothing of the world save for the closed and limited life of luxury he led since he was a child. Thus the king’s advisors felt it necessary to accompany him and observe his reaction to what he was about to learn from the world; after all, they still nurtured hopes of him becoming their king.

While they were walking, they came across a man who was clearly afflicted with a serious illness. “What is the matter with him?” the young prince asked.

“He is afflicted with a serious sickness,” they said.

“Does every person become afflicted with his sickness,” asked the naive prince. “Or do only some people become afflicted with it?”

“It afflicts only a group of people, those upon whom Allah decreed for it to befall them,” said the king’s advisors.

“Oh, so those people know that it is coming and then prepare for it?” asked the prince. “Or is there no prior warning, so that everyone is afraid of being afflicted by it?”

“Actually, everyone is afraid of being afflicted by it,” they said.

“Even I, with all of the control I have (as a prince)?”

“Even you,” they answered.

“Therefore,” said the prince, “This life of yours is tainted and not pure.”

They continued to walk until they came across a man who was old, decrepit, and frail. Since he had no control whatsoever of his bodily functions, he drooled inadvertently, so that saliva flowed down onto his chest. Never having seen an old person before, the young prince asked, “What is this?”

“A man who is so advanced in his years that he has become decrepit,” they said.

“Does this afflict only some people, or is every person afraid that, if he reaches old age, he will be afflicted with the same frailty that this man is now afflicted with?”

“Actually, everyone is afraid of this eventuality,” they answered.

“Therefore, this life of yours is tainted and not pure,” said the young prince.

They continued to walk until they passed by a corpse that was being carried by a number of men. “What is this?” asked the prince, to whom the concept of death was completely foreign.

“A man who has died,” they answered.

“Ask him to sit up,” said the prince.

“He cannot sit.”

Then ask him to speak.”

“He cannot speak.”

“Does this condition afflict only certain people?” the prince asked. “Or is everyone afraid that it will befall them?”

“This is the end of every person, including both those who fear it and those who don’t fear it,” they said.

“Is this what you were hiding me and protecting me from?” the prince asked.

“No person can flee from this ending, and no person, no matter what the abilities are that he is endowed with, can ward it off.”

“(Had I not left to see the world,) I would have died upon a sudden without knowing what was happening to me,” said the prince, expressing his hurt at being deceived for such a long time. “Verily, you will have no control over me after this day.”

He tried to bolt from their company and run away, but they were too many, and soon they had him surrounded.

“We will not leave until you go to your father,” they said. When they met with the king, they recounted to him everything that had happened with the prince.

“Did I not tell you,” said the king resignedly, “We want what we want, but Allah brings about only that which He wills. Let him go, for you can no longer hold any sway over him.”

Praise be to Allaah. Firstly: Suicide is a major sin, and the one who does that is faced with a warning of eternity in the Fire of Hell, where Allaah will punish him with the means that he used to commit suicide. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever throws himself down from a mountain and kills himself will be throwing himself down in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever drinks poison and kills himself will be sipping it in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever. Whoever kills himself with a piece of iron will have that iron in his hand, thrusting it into his belly in the Fire of Hell for ever and ever.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5442) and Muslim (109), It was narrated from Thaabit ibn Dahhaak (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Whoever kills himself with something will be punished with it on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5700) and Muslim (110). It was narrated that Jundub ibn ‘Abd-Allaah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “A man among those who came before you was wounded. He panicked and took a knife and cut his hand, and the bleeding did not stop until he died. Allaah, may He be glorified and exalted, said: ‘My slave hastened his death; I have forbidden Paradise to him.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (3276) and Muslim (113). The believer has to be patient and to seek the help of Allaah, may He be exalted, and understand that no matter what hardship befalls him in this world — no matter how severe it is — the punishment of the Hereafter is worse than it. It is not acceptable according to anyone who is of right mind to run away from the heat of the desert and throw himself into the fire. How can he flee from temporary hardship and difficulty — which inevitably will come to an end — to an eternal punishment which has no end? The Muslim should ponder and realise that he is not the only one in this world who is affected by calamity and hardship. Calamities befell the greatest of mankind, namely the Prophets, Messengers and the righteous. They also befell the worst of mankind, namely the disbelievers and atheists. Calamity is part of the natural order of things and hardly anyone is safe from it. If the believer handles it well and is patient, and it becomes a means that makes him turn back to Allaah and strive hard in worship and righteous deeds, then the calamity will have been good for him and will be expiation for his sins, and perhaps he will meet Allaah with no burden of sin. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “No pain, hardship, sickness or grief befalls a believer, not even worry that befalls him, but some of his bad deeds will be expiated.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5642) and Muslim (2573). Al-Tirmidhi (2399) narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (blessings and peace of Allaah be upon him) said: “Calamities will continue to befall believing men and women in themselves, their children and their wealth, until they meet Allaah with no burden of sin.” Classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Silsilat al-Ahaadeeth al-Saheehah (2280). And Allaah knows best.

‎Every Girl sees dream to have a good husband with whom she can live happily with love. If Women wants their husbands to treat them with love and care they should also have to behave in good way for a successful life after marriage. Following we are presenting some tips for Muslim Wives To Win Hearts of Their Husbands.

1 You should behave like a female with your husband.
2 Dress good for your husband.
3 Try to look attractive to your husband.
4 Smell Good for him.
5 When your husband comes back tired from work in evening don’t share your problems with him that time.
6 Stop complaining about everything.
7 Treat your mother in law like your real mother.
8 Meet him in good when he comes home.
9 Try to keep your house clean.
10 Appreciate him like calling him good husband.
11 When he is angry keep silence.
12 Thank him for different things.
13 If your husband not likes something stop doing that.
14 Don’t talk bad about your husband with other people.
15 Show your love.
16 Make Good foods.
17 Don’t leave your house without his permission.
18 Give him gifts sometimes.
19 Take interest in his hobbies.
20 Your Skin should look attractive.
21 Learn to compromise on little things.
22 Give him all the rights that Islam gives to husband.

By following these 22 tips Inshallah you can live happily with your husband.

“On the authority of Abu Masood Uqbah ibn Aamr Al-Ansaari, may Allah be pleased with him, who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, ‘From the words of the previous prophets that the people still find are: If you feel no shame, then do as you wish.'” (Recorded in Bukhari)

The Narrator

Abu Masood al-Badri (r) was a well-known Companion of the Prophet (s). He gained his kunya ‘al-Badri’ because he lived close to the place of the Battle of Badr. He (r) was from the tribe of Khazraj, of the Ansaar of Madina. He (r) was the youngest of the seventy people who took part in the Second Oath of Allegiance to the Prophet (s). He fought in the Battle of Uhud and all sequential battles thereafter and was appointed temporary governor of Khufah. He died forty years after the Hijrah and was responsible for narrating 102 hadith, 9…