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When I arrived, I was a total wreck. I was shaking so much I could hardly hold the pen I used to consent to having something inserted in my backside; something that could cause bloating, acne, and an increase in facial hair. As I sat there reading all of these possible side effects; I questioned what in the hell I was doing.. but then I read the good stuff – increased libido (yay), energy (I could really use that), sense of well being (no idea what that means, but sounds good so ill take it), increased stamina (yay, again), decrease in mood swings (my kids need that), decrease in irritability (my husband needs this one) and decrease in weight (ok- sign the damn thing already)… so I did. Slightly illegible but I did it.

While I was sitting there searching giant beer pong on Pinterest I mistakenly glanced over to my left and saw a tray. Being the nosey (I like to call it observant) person that I am, I picked up the cover – Mistake #1.

I looked for exit signs that would allow me to escape unnoticed but I couldn’t find one. I stood up, grabbed my purse, put my hand on the door – and then SHE walks in – the doctor who was there to do the procedure.. looking as calm as a cucumber – and just as sweet as she could be. I had no choice but to admit that I was attempting to make a run for it and she laughed, ever so casually, and tells me to lay down.

I put my purse down then realized I was wearing a dress so I lifted it up to make sure I had on cute undies ( no idea why I did this). They weren’t SUPER cute but they matched so I was ok – even my mom would approve.

I laid down on my side – bent one leg, as instructed, and stretched out the top one – I could feel the cold air hit my bum as she lifted up my dress and pulled down a tiny bit of my mother approved undies and told me I’d feel a tiny little prick – which I did – and that was it…

I laid there, not moving, for a few minutes and finally asked her when she was going to start. She laughed and said, “Honey, I’m done”… and just like that, it was over.

I was given a prescription for water pills (in case I bloat) and a bottle of DIM (still don’t know what that is) and I drove myself to work; picking up a donut on the way as a form of praising myself on being so brave… the kolache and chocolate milk were for nutritional value. I could probably list that as Mistake #2 – but I’m not..