Submission: The boogieman under the bed.

There has been times in my journey to understanding what submission is and how I relate to it that genuinely frightens the crap out of me. There is an attitude among most people that being submissive in any sense is wrong, shameful and insulting. Buying into those projected fears of others has an intense ability to thwart our own desires and attractions.

Why is submission the boogieman under the bed?

This boogieman is not biased as I have seen all genders affected by the monster under the bed. Watching as it weaves doubt and guilt into the minds of people and creates such a negative discourse in their being. I still struggle in my own acceptance and ability to let go. Fear keeps me clung to the whims of wanting control and make it hard for me to muster the courage to strip away my ego. To just be. Even within the BDSM community the course for understanding leaves the variety at dismay. Bickering and hacking into each other with pride and axes to match. The acceptance that is had for another is plundered into waste and negativity to prove who gets the most prettiest of the things and that makes them valid.

What makes submission so offensive?

I made passing comment about having to check in with my Husband about spending money and got a look.

I offer to put his clothes away, I get a look.

I ask my Husband before taking off from the house and I got a look.

God forbid should I make him a sandwich.

Submission doesn’t need to be this over bearing implication or negative measure of existence. Yes submission occurs in my relationship from me to him. But more often than not I equate this to consideration. I am considerate of my husband and his wishes…most of the time and He is considerate of me…most of the time. When I think about the key aspects that draw me into submission they are things like this. Consideration, Politeness, Manners, Compassion, Loyalty, Companionship and Trust. He values these things in my submission but he also demands Self Worth, Discipline, Drive and Confidence.

I think sometimes it is my fears that have been influenced by this idea of submission being shameful and degrading that causes me turmoil in accepting a very natural characteristic of who I am. Some would say I question it because it must feel inherently wrong. Whereas for me at least, I know that I am happy when I am making him happy. I do not feel that that submission equates to “worth less than”. I am of equal value in my relationship even if what I bring to the dynamic is of a different calibre or energy.

The more I address the idea and reason of what influences my own negative attitude of submission the easier it gets to be at peace with my relationship. The more I shine a torch of the ugly attitudes people have of BDSM and alternative relationships the better I get at identifying the reasons why I am so drawn to him and the style of relationship we have.