Search The Terriorists

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Futur-bama

We were just readin' how Bar-ack! is up 50 to 42 in the Gallup Poll. Hopefully it's just a lotta' people lyin', but in case they're actually serious (and seriously derainged) we decided to post somethin' that showed up in our email a while ago. A bit of editin' was necessary, considerin' how some things have changed, but the message is still the same…

Welcome to Toastmasters, June 13, 2033. Today Rick Campbell, one of our senior members at age 87, is here to reminisce a bit and give us a history lesson. [H]e is going to give us a personal look back at the conditions which led up to [a] fateful year, in a speech titled:

"2010 Was Not A Good Year To Be President"

After Obama's narrow win…the country was positively giddy. A Democrat House, Senate, and President. At last an end to gridlock in Washington. Camelot!

When Congress convened in January, 2009, the 44th President of the United States did something unique in history: he made good on his campaign promises. Certainly most Americans never really thought he was serious during the campaign. But whether because of inexperience, idealism, or simply incompetence, he followed through. In Obama's first One Hundred Days, the Congress passed his initiatives, and he signed them into law as he said he would.

He repealed the Bush tax cuts, and increased capital gains taxes.

He enacted a windfall profits tax, and instituted price controls on gasoline and diesel fuel.

He passed universal health care, which added an additional 10 percent tax increase on all working Americans. He signed the Immigrant Amnesty bill which created 12 million new citizens instantly, each with entitlements.

He closed the detention facility at Guantanamo Bay, and summarily released all the detainees. He repealed the Patriot Act, and cut funding for espionage, and eliminated all terrorist listening and wiretaps.

Most important, he began the complete and immediate withdrawal of all American troops from Iraq. He ignored the advice of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, who wanted to retain bases in Kuwait and Qatar. Instead, he went with the recommendation of Secretary of Defense Dennis Kucinich, and ordered all troops back to U.S. soil.

Viola! In One Hundred Days, by May of 2009, it was all done, and the vision was complete. He did exactly what he said he would do.

And so it was in the summer of 2009 that things began to unravel for Obama.

Of course, the economy needed a tax cut, not an increase, and unemployment quickly rose to 12 percent. Even attorneys and economists were put in the bread lines. Hard times.

Price controls on gasoline immediately led to shortages and gas lines.

The global cooling trend we have seen for the past 25 years first became obvious in 2009, exposing the CO2 global warming fraud. People were justifiably angry.

Federal deficits increased massively because thousands of baby boomers, facing job loss and much higher taxes, simply gave up and took social security.

Although the superb U.S. health care system was thrown into disarray, the bright spot was the creation of the Federal Department of Health care, and the immediate hiring of 250,000 administrators, inspectors and auditors, the only job growth in any economic sector in 2009.

By February 2010, the U.S. military withdrawal from Iraq was complete. It was a very expensive undertaking.

And then in March, the gradual Shiite insurgencies from Iran turned into a true Iraqi civil war. In May, Iranian tanks crossed the border and quickly took Baghdad. although the exact number is not known, at least 230,000 Sunni Iraqis died as we stood by.

Iran also quickly moved into undefended Kuwait.

President Obama did exactly what he said he would. He sent Secretary of State Maria Cantwell to Tehran to meet with Iranian President Ahmadinejad. After two weeks of high level talks, the United States agreed to allow Iran to retain Iraq and Kuwait to create stability in the middle east, with the understanding that Israel would not be disturbed. Cantwell returned to Washington, and explained the agreement in her famous speech, in which she proudly noted that the Obama administration had finally achieved "peace in our time" in the Middle East.

So there was some surprise at the rocket attacks on Tel Aviv on August 14th. President Obama said, "This is not the Mahmoud Ahmadinejad I knew." The Obama administration decided it would be de-stabilizing to take sides in the conflict, and approximately 29,000 Israeli civilians died during the summer and fall. American Jews were appalled at the inaction. Yes, in 2010 most American Jews were Democrats, but because of 2010, they are solid Republicans today.

As awkward as it was, everything might have turned out all right for the Obama administration going into the fall mid-term elections of 2010, if it hadn't been for the dirty bomb in the Port of Long Beach. The administration had cut funding for the inspection of containers, because they felt it showed a "lack of trust" in the international trading community.

It wasn't really a very big bomb, and thank goodness, not a real nuclear device, but nonetheless it contaminated some expensive real estate—Newport Beach , Palos Verdes Estates—and ultimately caused the death of 14,000 Americans. People were especially annoyed that Disneyland had to be closed for decontamination.

And so, in the midterm elections, Republicans regained control of both the House and Senate, and the rest is history.

The impeachment proceedings against President Obama for "failure to protect and defend" were swift and nearly unanimous. Vice President Biden resigned. Newly-elected Speaker of the House, J.C. Watts, became the 45th President of the United States.

Republicans finished the war on Islamic fundamentalists, largely by aiming ICBM's at Mecca and Medina.

No Democrat has been elected President since.

Republicans have held both Houses of Congress.

History of Western Civilization and Economics are now taught in all public schools, and in English only.

Marriage is defined as one man and one woman.

And there are border fences, north and south.

We old codgers remember the ancient Confucian curse: "May you live in interesting times."

Well, 2010 was an interesting year, but it was not a good year to be President.