"There are countless horrible things happening all over the world and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible." -Auberon Waugh

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Clean Shaven

Tim Blair has a hilarious post up about the “fuzz war” going on between Hamas and its opponents (“Hamas has resumed its policy of shaving mustaches of political opponents to humiliate them.”) Of course, the anti-Hamas crowd has vowed revenge: “The Aksa Martyrs Brigades issued a statement strongly condemning the shaving of Namnam’s mustache, and threatening retaliation.”

I posted a comment at Tim’s in which I speculate how this retaliation will play out:

A dingy room off of an alley. Ten men are standing around a table, the only light coming from a candle in the center. Abdullah ibn Ah-OO-ga, chief of an important cell within the Aksa Martyrs Brigades, sits at the head of the table on an overturned crate and glances around at his men, his stern eyes seeking to confirm their readiness and dedication; he smiles grimly, satisfied that they will give their all.

“Brothers! We have been ignobly affronted by these Hamas dogs, who have shaved the mustaches from those of our comrades who have fallen into their hands. The time for vengeance has come!”

Aware of the need for maintaining silence, the men ululate in a whisper.

“Tonight you will go forward into the territory of our adversaries and you will take them, one by one. You are ready? You know what to do?”

The room was suddenly filled with a buzzing noise, as if someone had disturbed a hornets’ nest; the ten men were waving their battery-operated Norelco shavers in the air, all of them on, all of them turned to “close shave”.

What insanity is this. That you are mocking the new and PEACEFULL trend in Gaza is scandelous. No longer will the brothers need to take an eye for an eye, when mere wiskers will do.

I see legions of Israeli citizens dispensing their razors and chanting as they are marched into battle "I regret that I only have one mustache to give for my country, but come back in 10 days and we'll talk."

Seriously folk, if it's down to facial hair, isn't that a sign of comparitive maturity?