I threatened to do it, so buckle up, sluts. It’s time to get this party started.

I found something wholly magnificent at what I call Mexican Gabe’s. For those of you unacquainted with Gabe’s (short for Gabriel Brothers), it is a chain of stores that exists in six states toward the eastern lump of these United States. Each store is stocked to the gills with second-run, slightly-irregular, and (way) off-brand products that are bought at a fraction of normal cost and sold to consumers for a penny more. And for those of you unacquainted with Mexico, it is a third-world country that resides mostly in California–it has delicious Coca-cola, exquisite diarrhea, and no understanding whatsoever of personal boundaries.

These cost ten dollars, and I love everything about them. I love their flinty blue nylon off-set by their saturated navy blue suede. I love their skinny-plastic-skateboard, like Duane from “What’s Happening”, style. I love their bright white vinyl, vaguely trademark infringing swoosh. I love their natural latex colored sole, which squeaks like the first day of school with every step.

Look at this logo! I am a damned fine designer, and I don’t think I could design a more boss logo if all of my candy was in jeopardy of spontaneously turning into celery. These might be the finest shoes ever crafted.

If you Google Pro-Joggs, you will get an address for the manufacturer but not much else–no official website. If you do an image search, you’ll get mostly pornography, because Joggs seems to be interchangable with jugs. I am truly blessed as it seems these shoes were handed to me directly from Jesus (which is a Mexican name). Did I mention there was only one pair sitting all alone on the shelf?

Kismet!

This is the perfect period at the end of the sentence. I’m sure this is a rip-off of Adidas or some other shoe company, but I just love the audacity of a shoe company that makes bo-bos (street slang for knock-off kicks) proudly and blatantly flaunting their bullshit branding. That’s right, world. I’m wearing Pro-Joggs!

Here is a little creature head I recently finished. This is a cat creature from a dream sequence in “Return of the Cyclops”. “What is ‘Return of the Cyclops’?” you ask, well calm down, spaz, and I’ll tell you. “ROTC” (short for “Return of the Cyclops”) is a movie that will never get made, because it lives in my head. And although I sometimes allow tiny bits of it to come out, it is far too ambitious and weird to ever get made for reals, yo. You can see the original sketch for this creature in the gallery. There you might also find the poster for this fake film.

That’s right. Remember the new millenium? Well, I was nearly paralyzed with an autoimmune/neurological disorder. So while you were out drinking your pain away, my nerves had already done me the favor. This is a short experimental piece that I did about having that experience. This is the only piece of artwork i made (or cared to make) about such. Now it makes me painfully nostalgic for that era (but not the sickness). This is part one. You can find part two in the media section.

I have also uploaded “De-eeveeo”, so check that shit out.

Finally, I want to say: Happy Birthday Rocket Guild! This month the Rocket Guild is ten years young. And like the shitty parents we are, none of us bothered to write down the actual day. Oh well. Happy B-day beautiful baby Frankenstein. Maybe I’ll get your website up and functioning again. For those of you who don’t know, the Rocket Guild is a collective of artists which originated in Western Pennsylvania, around some notions of poetic terrorism and the deadening of the collective artistic ego. Many tantrums and fond memories later, it still lives. And loves.

This week, we have a very special guest (and hopefully regular), Gabriel Koerner. Gabriel is perhaps one of the best known nerds ever for his participation in a documentary entitled “Trekkies” (yes, he was that kid). And he was the Star Trek geek on the game show, “Beat The Geeks”. He is also a digital artist on big things like “Lost” and “Battlestar Galactica” and “Speed Racer”.

“So what happened to N.E.R.D.cast #3?”, you ask. Well, #3 was recorded while I was out of town, and I am narcissistic, so it doesn’t go here. That and my lack of posting anything else is getting pretty embarrassing. If you want to hear that one, go to schellstudio.com (which I incidentally built) and download it.

Here is the second installment of N.E.R.D.cast. In this episode, we talk about comic book hero origins, Microsoft, Apple, Muppets and movies. I’m going to try to maybe blog more often, so that this podcast isn’t the only thing going on here.

N.E.R.D.cast

Also, if you wish to subscribe to this and future N.E.R.D.casts, you can do so from this link or you can look us up on iTunes.

This is a new thing I’m involved in. It’s a podcast called N.E.R.D.cast, and it is exactly what it sounds like: grown men talking about things that would never get them laid. In this first episode, we talk about Cronenberg, Baconaise, the new Pepsi logo, and many other nerdy shits.

I finally uploaded my experimental video, “T.” I’m sorry this took so long, but it contains nudity, upon which Youtube frowns. This was my first non-narrative video ever. It includes a lot of spiritual business. I hope that doesn’t turn anyone off. It also includes a lot of fluid-letting, which I hope doesn’t turn anyone on. And it includes a heaping mouthful of copyright infringement, which I hope doesn’t get anyone sued. You can access this video via the media link, via the above image, or via the link that is the end of this sentence. I would’ve posted it right in the blog, as I am wont to do, but I don’t want anyone to watch it accidentally. I would rather it be a choice.

P.S. If the white noise at the front of the clip seems prominent, turn it down, as the actual audio will get quite loud.