September 12th, 2013

A SUCCULENT CHINESE MEAL?!

Hello, Gary Lactus here. Just back from The Beast Must Die’s stag do in Belgium. It was good. We dressed The Beast up as an egg and went Devalkarting. I still ache. Anyway, The Beast Must Die was last seen disappearing into some haunted woods on a drunken werewolf hunt with Narratorbot X-15735. Hopefully he’ll turn up again before the wedding.

So it’s one of those disappointingly solo efforts this week, squeezed out between jobs, recorded on the hoof through the streets at night. Also on a bus and in my bedroom on my spaceship in space just before my bath. Sounds thrilling right? A BUS! JUST IMAGINE! Well there’s no need to imagine because it’s here and it’s real! I talk about X-Men: Battle of the Atom, Forever Evil, Deadshot, Satellite Sam, Trillium, Avengers AI, FF, Bat Slaps and more!

August 5th, 2013

THEN RICHIE, RICHIE SAID “HEY MAN LET’S DRESS UP LIKE COPS, THINK OF WHAT WE COULD DO?”

Boy let me tell you that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is super-pumped for the synergistic mind-mapping we have planned for this afternoon’s info-dump session…there will be Power Points out the wazzoo, and information will be cascaded down upon the fleshy ones like shimmerimg mercury…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 really feels that he has a lot to offer the corporation. Offer the hearts, skin and faces of the fleshy ones for example…

Oh hello SILENCERS, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 did not see you all there, waiting eagerly little glistening fish-eyes blinking in anticipation. Well wait no more as SILENCE, the comics podcast that is all out of bubblegum, is here.

So that’s it. Now get out of here, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has a conference call to set up with some very important and not in any way imaginary people.
SILENCE! is proudly sponsored by the two greatest comics shops on the planet, DAVE’S COMICS of Brighton and GOSH COMICS of London.

July 29th, 2013

HELLO.

HELLO.

IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK.

Rejoice fleshburgs – it’s everyone’s favourite cyber-Uncle, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 returned from his cyber-vacation, tanned to within and inch of my half life and riddled with exotic viruses from the far-flung corners of the nanosphere.

And to double your fantasy I’m bringing the return of errant Silence-son, The Beast Must Die, who rejoins with pod-partner Gary Lactus in an reunion event which Variety describes as ‘mawkish, hackneyed and uninspired! Happy Happy Joy Joy fleshyones, couldn’t you just POP?

Well go on then. POP!

Hrrrmmn. Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 can wait along time you know. While we wait, let’s blurb:

<ITEM> Gary’s quest is over and the pair are reunited. WARNING TEAM!

<ITEM> No time for news, through the tears, but always time for sponsorshizzle.

<ITEM> Down a dusty path, through a hole in the floor, and into the REVIEWNIVERSE! Covering Gamma, Hawkeye Annual, Tank Girl: Solid State, FF (Beach Blanket Bingo), Justice League of America, Justice League Dark, Constantine in spandex and booties, The Bounce, Catalyst Comics, Lazarus, The Wake, Young Avengers, 2000AD, Max Landis, Wolverine, Wolverine & The X-Men, The Wolverine film, and Where’s Wolverine (maybe), The Hunger, Green Team and more, more more (how do you like me?)

The 3-d camera prowls across a vibrant landscape of shifting wordscapes and roaming flocks of ideaforms. The sky is burning vermillion, dappled with thought-bubbles buoyed on an endless layer of hot air.

April 29th, 2013

A SILENCE RIFT! SILENCE SCHISM! CRISIS ON INFINITE SILENCES! SECRET SILENCE WARS! THE SUMMER CROSSOVER EVENT THAT WILL LEAVE NOTHING THE SAME FOREVER CHANGED EXCITEMENT FOR ALL TIME…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 is sad to announce that this edition of SILENCE! comes broadcast from separate sides of the quadraverse, as Gary Lactus and the Beast Must Die present The Silence Of Two Worlds…(in honour off this ridiculous non-event Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will split into two also, become beautiful binary star blazing in the infinite dataverse)

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 here am very happy to present: <ITEM> Gary Lactus, broadcasting from Mars, fires first, spraying the comicsphere with his sticky opinions and muscular baritone. A Welsh choir somewhere is missing an Angel, but the internet gained another blowhard…

Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.2 is very sad to present: <ITEM> The Beast Must Die goes solo also, presenting the podcast version of a triple disc concept album about the English Civil War, played on banjos, synth and kitchen equipment …unlistenable rubbish!

<ITEM> The hirsute one hop, skips and jumps straight into the pulsing warm embrace of the Reviewniverse II spouting opininon-forms on Young Avengers, Jupiter’s Legacy, Fury Max, Avengers Arena, Rachel Rising, BPRD: Vampire, Batman IncHaunted Horror, Wolverine & the X-Men, FF, East of West and Katana.

Now Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 v.1 & v.2 come together to wish the listenerds well, and to reassure that this is not Yoko Ono time, no fear, no sir…this not Abbey Road time…Silence will resume normal service (ie embarrassingly amateur) next week. But for now…’enjoy’ as best you can.

April 3rd, 2013

Please Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 don’t hurt ‘em! Sorry fleshy ones I cannot promise this. Let’s just say that for the duration of this blurb I promise not to burn out your retinas or strip-mine your DNA. ‘Kay? Kay.

So everyone put down your pens/phones/rail guns and point your ears towards the internet, and listen to those animal men Gary Lactus and The Beast Must Die, as we circle the drain that is…SILENCE!

<ITEM> The SILENCE! News has some VERY SERIOUS matters of which you need to pay attention – the future of SILENCE! depends on it. With those greasy capitalist hams Gary Lactenberg & Danny Beastman.

<ITEM> Full fathom five, as we plunge neck, teeth and hips first into the Reviewniverse as the pair tackle Timewarp, East of West, Age of Ultron, BPRD: Vampire, Batman Inc, FF, Wolverine & The X-Men, Uncanny Avengers, Young Avengers, Fury, Guardians Of The Galaxy, Hawkman, Crossed: Badlands, Fatale and Mr X. With added digressions over the M-Word, VHS Rental shops and Lucio Fulci.

<ITEM> Well isn’t that a treat fleshy ones? Aren’t you glad you stopped looking at pornography to read this? (Personally Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 finds the sight of meatsacks bashing against each other immensely settling. The sensual curve of a sine wave is far more erotic. Or a ZX-Spectrum in suspenders.

March 5th, 2013

So fleshy speak is Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735′s second language you know…see how you like it. Maybe sometimes YOU have to make the effort!

Ohhh, I can stay mad at you fleshy ones. Look at your little ruddy cheeks, and your fine, delicate nervous systems. Come on then, come and sit close to me while I run my diodes through your molecules and we listen to the hushed rogueish brogues of Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and…SILENCE!

January 30th, 2013

AIM FOR THE FLAT TOP!

GET SOME! BRAKKABRAKKABRAKKA! GET SOME!

Get some what? Get some Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 up in your grill, please. Back from interviewing the comicsphere’s glitterati.

Well if it isn’t my favourite fleshy ones, come crawling back from your sexy, rich upmarket Narratorbots who work on the podcasts from the fancy parts of the webisphere…well you know who has the good stuff don’t you? <ANSWER: Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735>

January 7th, 2013

LIKE SITTING ON PINS AND NEEDLES, THINGS FALL APART, IT’S SCIENTIFIC

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF BLEACH! Happy 2013 fleshy ones! Who else would you want to usher you into another year of repetitive grinding toil and pointless attempts to distract yourself with the flashing pretty lights than your omnipresent judgmental pal Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735!

Yes dear fleshy ones, Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 has missed you all. It was certainly nice having a break mind you , and you’ll be pleased to know that Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 spent the past three weeks targetting and disintegrating reindeer from space. The site of red mammal mist on snow…it makes my core reactor glow with happiness…one day Disembodied Narratorbot X-15735 will get to practice on…

HA! HA! Anyway! No doubt you’ve come sniffing round these parts in search of those two aural bandits Gary Lactus & The Beast Must Die and their podcast SILENCE! haven’t you? well you’re in luck as it is here in all of it’s one-tone “glory”. Rejoice fleshy ones – all your “favourites’ are “here”: