The Most Important Element of “The Money Talk”

Sharing your goals and priorities is an important (yet often overlooked) element of any money talk you have with your partner. That’s because our financial habits, like saving and spending, are usually rooted in our priorities and goals. As a result, by knowing your partner’s goals, you may better understand what drives his or her financial decisions.

For example, do you hope to buy a home in the next one to five years? You might be inclined to cut back on day-to-day luxury items like dinners out with friends. But if your partner, on the other hand, strives to start a local business, he or she might be more willing to spend money on things like networking events and dinners to get plugged into the local community. Not all couples have the same financial priorities. But by discussing your individual goals, you and your partner may find it easier to get on the same page financially.

Recently, I sat down with Roberta Quis, my friend, fellow bride-to-be, and Citi colleague, to discuss her unique approach to having the money talk with her husband-to-be, Brian. Inspired by their award-winning professor in their MBA program at The University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill, Roberta and Brian don’t talk about finances in a vacuum; they take a bigger picture approach. They discuss their life ambitions (in both the long- and short-term) and let the money talk flow organically from there, discussing the financial implications of their goals, and how they can support one another in achieving them. Want to learn how you can take a big picture approach to talking finances with your partner? Here are Roberta’s tips for making the most of your conversation:

1. Spend some time thinking about your goals. Reflect on the things you hope to achieve within the next year, as well as some of the longer-term goals that you strive to achieve within the next five years. Consider goals in six main categories:

Remember that it’s perfectly normal for you and your partner to have your own unique ambitions. But knowing what motivates one another can help you avoid financial friction and enable you to support one another as you strive to achieve your goals.

Your personal development goals

Your family goals

Your health goals

Your career goals

Your community-religion-society goals

Your “fun” goals

2. Get your thoughts on paper. Make a list of your goals (both short- and long-term). Create at least one goal for each of the six main categories, and then consider the obstacles you might encounter along your way. Think about what you might be able to do to overcome them, and jot that down, as well. For example, if you want to change careers, think about what skills you’ll need in your new role. Will you need to take a class or obtain credentials so that you’re qualified for the position?

3. Consider the financial implications. Identify the costs associated with each goal. For example, if your “health” goal is to run a marathon, what cash will that require? Will you need to buy new shoes and running apparel? Will you hire a trainer? How much does race registration cost? Estimate the total financial implications of your goal and include it in your worksheet.

4. Sit down with your partner. Talking finances with your honey might not be the most exciting way to spend time together. But take Roberta’s tip: sweeten the deal by making it a special yearly occurrence. Go to dinner at your favorite spot, and start the conversation by reflecting on the things you’ve achieved in the past year. Use last year’s accomplishments as a jump-off point to talk through your goals for the next year.

5. Support one another. Openly discuss the obstacles you’ll both face as you strive towards your goals. Identify ways to support one another—financially and otherwise—as you work to accomplish your goals.

Remember that it’s perfectly normal for you and your partner to have your own unique ambitions. But knowing what motivates one another can help you avoid financial friction and enable you to support one another as you strive to achieve your goals.