After the jump, we have two local news stories, and they are both pretty sweet, but which of them is THE SWEETEST? Sorry, guys, but this is a dog eat dog world we live in and you can’t just have two things live side by side in perfect harmony. ONE OF THEM MUST DESTROY THE OTHER. And so we are left to choose. On the one hand, you have a news story in which a man in his 60s who has mastered carnival games donates as many as 250,000 stuffed animals to children in need. On the other hand, you have an out of work woman whose husband bought a billboard asking people to hire his wife. Both are relatively sweet examples of people doing something nice for someone else. BUT WHICH OF THEM DID IT SWEETER? Now you know how Sophie felt when she had to make her choice. Which of these perfectly nice and charming local interest news stories will we SEND TO THE NAZI GAS CHAMBER?! (Spoiler Alert: Sophie’s Choice was first published in 1979. Get on board.) Two sweet news stories enter, one sweet news story is a little sweeter than the other according to a small collection of like-minded humorous-pop-culture-blog readers. Such is the drama of human existence. LET’S GO TO THE OCTAGON:

First up, the guy who wins all the games at the carnival and donates his prizes to charity:

Awww, that is very nice! Sort of! I mean it is also very indicative of the limitations of being great at winning carnival games. Sadly, it is just not a skill that you can translate into anything other than compiling a season finale of Breaking Bad pile of stuffed animals in a storage unit. But at least he’s doing something nice with this talents. And that’s nice!

Next up: hire my wife.

Haha. Uhhhhhh. This is a vaguely romantic gesture and this guy clearly loves his wife, but then you also have to kind of wonder how badly she needs a job if her husband can afford to be buying stunt advertising all over the place? I’m sure she needs one, but HOW BADLY? Also this is as weird of a thing to do as it is nice, right? Can we agree on that? It’s weird. Hire his wife!

So? WHO WORE IT SWEETER? Personally, I think the answer is stuffed animal guy if for no other reason than STUFFED ANIMALS are involved, but also because he’s helping strangers, not his spouse, and because he seems great and he should be president. Vote early and vote often this November. #politics