A collection of my daily thoughts, feelings and emotions, all tied up in a jumble of stories and tales from my day to day life.

Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm not sleeping!

Well, I'm not, but this is more about mum. Today, as for the past few days, she insists she cannot sleep properly. Since being admitted a few days back, she has not agreed to try and sleep without medication. On the first night she was sedated due to the state she was in. Since then she has said they have sedated her a couple more time, but this is more than likely a sleeping tablet.

Speaking of sleeping tablets, she has been arguing since she was in the hospice last, saying that they won't give her the right ones, or that she is left begging for them. Now she says they give them too late to be of any use, and she can't sleep without them. I'm sure they could use a placebo, and she would sleep just fine. Dozing throughout the day, and dropping off in the evening. Even at home she slept well on the odd occasion she forgot her sleeping tablet. So I think this is nothing more than grasping at straws to stay in control of things.

What it all comes down to is more than likely anxiety. The GP has said this for months now, and has been trying to give her something to help with that, and finally had success the day she was admitted. So sadly that medication has never started. However they do seem to hae been using some form of stimulant or upper, as her spirit has been a lot higher over the past few days.... Until today that is.

Today, as we sit in the gardens she has just expressed that she has been feeling very up and down the last two days, feeling happy and miserable, but has not yet told the doctors. So I will see to that when we go back in._____________________________________Been back in since writing the above but the doctors were doing handover, so was unable to speak to them. But will catch them a little later.

So I shall continue what I was saying already. Mum said while outside with me that she had asked a nurse this morning if someone could take her out for a cigarette, but was told by the nurse that she could not go out until she had calmed down a bit. Which is also an indicator of her stress and anxiety levels rising again. This is where it all started earlier in the week. She has commented how the nurses were slow putting her to bed last nightn but admits she didn't ask them to put her to bed early. Also complained that apparently the nurse this morning didn't wash her back. That they left her sitting for ages in only a nighty, so was cold. As well as a number of other complaints about the hospice staff today alone.

Could the love affair with the hospice be over, or could this be the brain tumour coming into effect again as it may have earlier in the week, causing a mood swing and irrational behaviour? Either way, I am kind of glad to see it happening while she is still there. I was worried for a while that after her sedation on the first night, her moods and anxiety would not show again, and it would go untreated. Hopefully its becoming obvious enough now to look into.

So I'm on the train to work now, typing furiously to get this all said and done before the journey is over.

I left her in a fairly good state, but a little down maybe. She just seems over grateful for little things right now, like the cans of drink I took in this morning. Let's see how I find her in a few hours when I return.And in the meantime let's hope that the rain holds out for my journeys on foot between stations and destinations.