Relationship Do's and Dont's

I guess we all have our different opinions on how things should be. Whether it is to have someone be honest in a relationship, or to work hard in a relationship. No matter what you do people have that view of how relationship will work, however, some can change their opinions.

How is that? When two people truly want a relationship to work don't they first have to work at it? We have all been told that communication is the key to a relationship but why do people always find it hard to communicate? We think that we know a person but then they flip a 180 and completely shut you down.

For everyone reading this I'll give you some life lessons that you might find handy.

Things To Do In A Relationship

1) Keep the long distance periods short and infrequent.

Never ever think a long distance relationship will work. The problem is that when you are so far apart from one another it may build distrust or eventually have one or the other people cheat on you. If you already know the person then it should be fine (usually) for a short period of time.

If the parents of your boyfriend/girlfriend don't really like you, chances are you should give up and go on. This applies mainly to the guys but girls also listen. Generally speaking parents have a major influence over their children (young/old). Experience says that if your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't distance themselves away from their parents or stand up for you then the relationship won't last. This can be agonizing for you because parents are usually extremely critical of their child's boyfriend/girlfriend. They can play mind games and make the other person so frustrated and confused that they eventually begin questioning their relationship with you. Besides if you get married do you want your in laws going at you all the time.

3) Communication is really the important factor for a relationship.

If your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn't communicate with you then you need to find someone that can. We can't read minds so it has to be out on the table otherwise the other person won't know what's wrong. Be especially aware if someone won't communicate with you when they have in the past. This is perhaps the largest red flag to an eventually break-up. Be mindful that if the other party waits too long or flat out doesn't want to talk about it then they don't really want to be with you anymore. Again COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY.

4) Compromise is the 2nd most important thing.

We all think that we have the best way of doing things but that is our own perception, our own reality if you will. This will always conflict with someone else's take on reality. You have to try and compromise to make things work otherwise their is no future but arguing and bickering.

5) In a relationship, you need to work on the problems.

If either party doesn't want to work on the problem at hand then the relationship is over. Don't over think he problems though and discuss them with your partner. A relationship takes two people!! Trying to figure out problems involves both parties. (generally those that try to solve the problems on their own tend break off the relationship because they try things their own way)

Things NOT To Do In A Relationship

1) Girls, don't expect the guy to take you out all of the time and then complain about his financial situation.

For the most part guys just want to take care of our girls and take them out. Even in today's society it is still expected that a guy pay for most if not all of the dinner or activity. Try to easy a guy down to reality and take his head out of the clouds. Explain that you would like to go to dinner and you appreciate it, however, you just want to take it easy and not go out. This shows that you are grateful but at the same time you don't want him to spend the money. You might get some arguments but after they guy gets the message he should start thinking more clearly and realize that you are right.

2) Never ever borrow money - ever!

Borrowing money leads to discomfort that can break a relationship apart. It is hard to trust the person again if they don't pay it back or pay it back right away. Even if you need it don't accept it.

3) Don't play the who has it harder game.

If a mate complains about their life or situations don't try and say that you have it harder. You can use your experiences as a way to sympathize with them but never indicate that you have it harder. This creates a feeling that you don't appreciate each other.

4) DON'T STEW OVER THINGS!!

This is probably the worst killer of relationships. Those who stew or think over and over about a situation with out talking to their partner will probably break up. I have had it where a girlfriend of mine told me about something she wanted me to change, stewed over it for a week, then came over to my place and dumped me with very little warning (only other warning was the communication see above). I was dumbfounded because I was left with no way to fix the problem (could have been another reason for the break up though).

5) Look to the future, but don't expect it.

In other words if the person is truly making strides to fix their life or change themselves a little don't take their progress so far and think of them like that 20 years down the road. People always change but you don't know how. You can't automatically assume someone is going to be immature all of their life (although I've seen it happen)

"If you see him/her making an effort, let them know you appreciate it!"

On a personal note, guys/gals, if you see someone making an effort, let them know you appreciate it! If it's something where you aren't going to get serious (marriage) in a couple of years then wait and see. If you truly value the person and love them give them a chance. Remember that a person can't change who they are over night.

Also remember that although there are things that you would like the other person to change they will probably want you to change some things too. I know that I have put as much as I can into my relationships but it never seems like it is appreciated. I guess if those people who I have gone out with truly valued our relationship then they could wait for a few changes.

What Girls & Guys Said 20

On the "don't(s)" list, lending money should not be there because if you and your partner are comfortable enough to share money that is another plus in the relationship and if your partner does not pay it back or you become a "got my money" person every time you see them then money means more to you than them, or they are a gold digger, steer clear. Me and my girlfriend are both 17 and share all our money, we've going out little less than a year and have done for months and we're happy with it

I'm another testiment to long-distance relationships. I'm currently in a stable, happy, loving, ~year and a half relationship that doesn't look to be going downhill anytime soon. No, it's not easy, but (interestingly), if you follow most of the rules stated in your articles (particularly the 'do's of communication and compromise) then things work out.

Hmm 16 years old.....Very rarely does it actually work....by all means if it works for you GREAT!!! but I don't know of anyone who it works out with...by work out is eventually meeting the person and having it work ...I don't recommend long distance relationships at all unless of course you know the person for long time but as with anything there are always exceptions to the rules..

"1) Never ever think a long distance relationship will work. The problem is that when you are so far apart from one another it may build distrust or eventually have one or the other people cheat on you. If you already know the person then it should be fine (usually) for a short period of time."Been in one for a year and 8 months. I'm still as happy and in love as ever. We trust each other completely and are in love. You are wrong.

Every relationship requires change. The girls I was with came to the conclusion that both of us shouldn't have to change. There were other problems such as what was listed above but Changes do take time, besides some I broke up with because they didn't change at all. Keep in mind it's not a change of total character but rather small idiosyncrasies that get on each other nerves after being together for awhile. Nothing huge (ie: not vacuuming they way they think it should be done.)

This is a great article mate--you're tottaly right about many things.But perhaps girls you've been involved with didn;t wait for the changes because they thought how life;s not that long,they weren't certain about your thing,so they wanted to save you and themselves some time... can't blame em for that

I was in a long distance relationship and we actually broke up due to the distance (and maybe a few other factors), but it had nothing to do with not being able to trust the other. In fact, we had a tremendous amount of trust for the other. Granted, we were also only an hour and a half away.

Wow yes, exactly! Better articulated than I put! Love can cross long distances (although it is difficult not impossible). It depends on how comfortable you are with your love with each other. There is more potential for problems but if you communicate before the move and keep in constant communication after the move then all should be fine. Infatuation deffinately is very slim.

Sigh...Yah know I'm not arguing with you...Read everything! I said there are always exceptions to the rules but I have had 2 long distance relationships..one with a girl that lived 1.5hrs away from me... I know what I'm talking about. That and read bout expert advice on how much a long distance relationship works....I am offering advice to people about the difficult things in a relationship...You are seeing this as an attack on you but by no means is it.

Most of this looks like good info. good job. BUT... the long distance relationship won't work is not always true..... My brother had a long distance relationship for a couple years with a girl he met in college. They saw each other one or two weekends out of the month for couple years. They are happily married now. They both are pretty religious people so she waited till marriage so the cheating thing was not an issue really... but it depends on the person. It can work but isn't ideal I know.

Wow... my long distance relationship has worked for two and a half years... maybe people are just stronger than you think they are.There has never been a trust issue with us. When I finish uni next summer, I'll go and live with him and that'll be it.