Australian Values Test: New Migrants To Be Tested On How Much They Hate New Migrants

Saying it was important for maintaining social cohesion and a ‘common set of values’, Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull today floated the idea of a values test for new migrants that would ensure they fear new migrants as much as the average Australian.

“Everyone brings something different to this country. But there are some core values that are not negotiable. I’m talking about things like mateship, democracy, an intimate understanding of Don Bradman’s batting average and a deep-seated fear of new migrants. There are few Australian traditions more dearly held,” he said.

While not yet confirming the structure of the values test, Mr Turnbull said new migrants would be given every opportunity to declare how much they hate themselves, their families, and anyone who looked remotely like them. “It’s really just the best way to ensure we’re all on the same page going forward.”