Pages

Monday, August 20, 2012

Fifty Shades of Shame and Oh My

"Seriously Tanyel. If I hear one more thing about Fifty Shades of Grey; I'm going to barf.

Well get ready to barf my friends because it's happening.

Now before you start your forced purge... let me explain.

Since I have moved here I have been somewhat out of the "reading" loop. I mean come on. Who had time to read when you're being a squatter on your friends air mattress, on the dating prowl and of course all this eating. whew. I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Well now that I'm hitting my stride and getting settled finally; I have actually started making the time to start reading again. woo hoo. I mean come on. Who doesn't love a good romance novel. Yes I know you are talking out loud to your computer...trying to tell me.

IT'S NOT REAL!

well duh. If I wanted real I would look at my own life.

LIE TO ME CHRISTIAN GREY!!!

I digress.

So since I have been in this "new life" bubble I really hadn't heard all this Fifty Shades buzz and gossip. Well leave it to my friend Nikki to bring me back to reality and recommend this series to me.

(She's that friend that reads a book a day and knows me well. If she tells me to stop what I'm doing and read. I do.)

So I did.

Well Hello Christian Grey.

Didn't expect that.

Remember earlier when I said I didn't hear the buzz around the book. Well I wasn't kidding.

I had no idea what the book was about. oh dear to the my.

I started reading the book on a Wednesday and by Sunday I was done with the 3rd book.

(don't judge)

Now...here is why I'm sharing this info with you.

For those of you who have read it you will understand what I'm about to tell you.

During my intense five day read I had quite a few "Fifty Shades" embarrassing moments.

1. By Thursday morning I'm so engrossed in the book; I actually pull out my car sickness bracelets so I can read on the bus. Now if you don't know what those are...just imagine sweat wristband material in bright purple. Remember when I said in an earlier post that "Public Transportation is the new Match.com?" Well not when you look like the niece of Richard Simmons

2. Once on the bus I pull out my iPad (God forbid I have the hard copy...NO ONE needs to know I'm reading this insanity) and of course start to read. As I'm reading I look to my right and see Mr. Nosey leaning over a bit to see what I'm reading. Like a crazy person; I take my iPad and literally put it so close to my face that I can't even read it clearly. Thus making me look like a crazy person to Mr. Nosey. Did that phase me and make me stop reading? No!

3. Bathroom breaks @ work = reading. (shame shame shame)

4. Heading home to visit my mom via the Megabus...Mr. Dimples sits next to me. Now just so you know; I have taken the megabus like ten times now and there has never ever ever been a hot guy on the bus. And now. today of all days. You decide to sit by me and be cute. What do I do?

While trying to hide what I'm reading; I start to get so close to the window I literally banged my head against it. Mr. Dimples hears the huge thud and turns to me and says " You okay? "

I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs " No I'm not okay. You are hot. I'm clearly ashamed of the S&M book I'm reading and trying to hide it from you so you don't think I'm a "tie me up tie me down" type girl. So by this time I'm sweating profusely and a small bump is starting to form on my forehead. (If this doesn't scream..."Date me" I don't know what does"

5. After an hour on the bus I sit up to stretch my arms a bit and look around. I start to notice a girl sitting to my left across the aisle. At first I thought she was sleeping and just kind of curled up in a ball. I look a little closer and realize she has a book in her hand. The girl is gripping the book so tight that she had both sides curled under like she was hiding something. Well she was. Two seconds later she's stretching a bit and I catch the cover of her book. Fifty Shades of course.

THANK THE LORD I'M NOT ALONE. WE ARE ALL HIDING IT.

6. Last but not least; I finally make it home. On the car ride to my mom's; I'm of course reading.

"So whatcha reading?" - mom

"oh nothing; just a little romance book." - me

"what's the name of it?"- mom

"Fifty shades of Grey."- me

"oh that sounds interesting. should i read it?"- mom

"NOOOOOOOO (insert high pitched nervous voice). You wouldn't like it. It's about how the color grey affects love!" - me