These Sex Positions Will Prove To You That Bigger Isn’t Necessarily Better

When it comes to penises, we’re often told that bigger is better — but in reality, that's far from the truth. In fact, studies suggest that, other than than a boost in confidence, larger penises don't afford the men who have them with any extra prowess in the bedroom.

And confidence? Well, that can be learned.

The truth is, no matter what someone’s penis size, creativity and a willingness to experiment can be key. But there are some positions and techniques that are specially suited for various sizes of penises (even the Kama Sutra touts this).

So for those of you who have sex with people who have penises, we consulted four experts on the art and science of pleasure: Dr. Zhana Vrangalova, head researcher and professor of human sexuality at New York University; Kenneth Play, a sex educator based in Brooklyn who leads workshops on kink and pleasure; Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite Your Pleasure; and Alfred Kendrick, a personal trainer who specializes in workouts that improve your sex life. They’ve helped us create a handy guide of sex positions and tricks that will finally lay the “small” penis stereotype to rest.

Forget your preconceived notions of penis size and read on for the positions, tools, and moves you may want to try with a male partner — not despite his small penis, but because of it. (And hey, these can totally be tried with a trusty strap-on, too!)

The gap between what we learned in sex ed and what we're learning through sexual experience is big — way too big. So we're helping to connect those dots by talking about the realities of sex, from how it's done to how to make sure it's consensual, safe, healthy, and pleasurable all at once. Check out more, here.

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Splitting Bamboo

Want to really get the legs out of the way? Lay down on your back with one leg draped over your partner’s shoulder or around his waist, while he straddles the other leg and enters you. It’s full-on contact, with your legs out of the way so he can get all the way inside. Plus, you have access to your clit to add a little something extra for yourself with your hands.

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An unforgettable sexual experience often involves more than just penetration, especially since it’s actually the norm to need more than just a penis to get off. A 2006 study, for example, found that only 30% of the 1,335 women surveyed regularly reached orgasm with penetration alone.

"We are a very penetration-centric culture — we think penetration is the end-all, be-all of sex, but it isn’t," says Dr. Zhana. "Many women say it feels better, it contributes to their orgasm, but there’s [often] more that needs to happen."

According to Play, most people think friction alone causes the type of intense pleasure that gathers into an orgasm, but it’s actually the pressure (like a massage) that takes it to the next level — and fingers are great for that, Play says.

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Flexed Doggy Style

Start with doggy style, where you are on your hands and knees and your partner is kneeling behind you. Then, drop your chest and head to the bed and tilt your butt up in the air — the more you curve your back, the better. Then, your partner moves his knees a couple inches back so he can tilt his pelvis forward.

"In that position, the guy is able to push his hips forwards enough to penetrate [his partner]," Kendrick says.

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Just like you hope your partner will appreciate you for more than your breasts, butt, or mouth, there’s a lot more to sex with a man than meets the eye. According to a 2015 estimate by Esquire, the average penis size is 5.16 inches. Not six. Not seven. Definitely not eight. So before you eye a man’s penis with disappointment, ask yourself if you’re comparing it to your favorite porn performer (or GIF), and if that is even fair. (It’s not.) Also, ask yourself if you truly prefer a larger penis or if that is what you assumed you prefer because of cultural messaging.

"If the measure of a lover was solely based on the size of a guy’s penis, then you could buy a big dildo and have the best lover in the world," Play says. "And yet, we sell way more vibrators than dildos."

That’s not to say size doesn’t matter at all — there’s just not a default preference.

"There’s nothing that works for everyone," Dr. Vrangalova says. "There are just certain patterns. It about figuring out what works for your body, and working with that."

In fact, many women prefer smaller penises.

"You can have a penis that is too small for the vagina it’s going into or too large," says Dr. Vrangalova. "Some women like cervical stimulation, while there are women who hate it."

That is to say, if his penis hitting the back of your vagina makes you squirm — in a bad way — you might have a more pleasurable experience with a smaller size.

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Propped Reverse Cowgirl

In this position, your partner is lying down with a pillow underneath his butt (this will press his hips forward and expose more of the penis) and you’re sitting on top of him but facing toward his feet.

"The great thing about it is that the [person on top] can control the movement of [their] pleasure," Kendrick says. "In a normal position, the legs would get in the way."