Aerodynamically the Bumble B. Shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumble B. Doesn’t know it so it just keeps on flying anyway.

Submitted by: bob

37

9

If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.

Submitted by: Philip Warph

92

27

‘Expert’ – from the adjective *pert*, meaning ‘lively’ or ‘effective,’ and the prefix *ex- *, meaning ‘not.’ – John Alejandro King (from The Covert Comic)

Submitted by: Olga

33

8

If your glass is half empty, get a smaller glass.

Submitted by: Erik

36

9

I once prayed to God for a car, but quickly found out he didn’t work that way…so I stole a car and prayed for his forgiveness.

82

25

87.6% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Submitted by: Lyle Brewer

56

16

The fridge is a perfect example of what’s inside is what matters.

Submitted by: Anika

50

14

Why do psychics ask your name?

Submitted by: Juddy

31

8

I’m not opinionated. I’m just always right.

Submitted by: Tom

72

22

The IQ of a mob can be determined by taking the IQ of the dumbest member, and dividing by the number of members.

Submitted by: Jordan

43

12

I really need to stop procrastinating, I’ll start next week.

Submitted by: Moe

30

8

He has a face like a Saint – A Saint Bernard.

33

9

If I can be of any assistance don’t think twice about asking, actually don’t even think once about it.

Submitted by: KJ

127

44

If I’m driving you crazy just remember to put on your seat belt.

Submitted by: Thomas

32

9

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
– W. C. Fields

60

19

The squeaky wheel doesn’t always get the grease, sometimes it just gets replaced.

Submitted by: Patrick

16

4

I used to be apathetic. Now, I just don’t care anymore.

Submitted by: Gary

51

16

Me: Over 90% of the stuff on Wikipedia is fake.
Person: Really? Were did you hear that?
Me: I read it on Wikipedia.

Submitted by: H.E.T

124

45

“saying you are right when you’re wrong only gives you the right to be wrong”

Submitted by: maleena

28

8

If I host a party with style, I’m I really hostile?
If two ants elope, are they antelopes?
If I keep standing outside, I’m I outstanding?
If I did not take a seat for a whole night, I’m I a one- night- stand?