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credited As

Marvel
Just when you thought Marvel couldn’t possibly have anything left to announce after last week’s revelations about Thor, Captain America, and The Avengers: Age of Ultron, the studio took advantage of everyone’s lowered guard on Friday night to unveil the release dates of five new films (via The Playlist). Though the dates are just placeholders at the moment, it does show that Marvel has enough confidence in their blockbusters and the mapped-out future of their cinematic universe to plan out releases through to 2019. The studio has yet to drop any hints as to the identities of these scheduled films – though they are expected to make some major announcements at this weekend’s San Diego Comic-Con – but that hasn’t stopped fans and critics speculating as to when we will next see some of our favorite superheroes.
We do know that one of those dates will belong to the third installment of the Avengers films, which will mark the end of the studio’s third phase of films, and bring the first major, overarching storylines to an end. Other slots are rumored to belong to the third Thor and Avengers films, and while those are likely guesses, we can’t help but hope that some of those proposed dates might be reserved for something different, something even more exciting than the follow-up to the dissolution of S.H.I.E.L.D. or the rising threat of Thanos. We already know that after Age of Ultron drops in May of 2015, we’ll finally get Ant-Man two months later, and Captain America 3 in 2016, but we have some ideas for what we’d like to see Marvel release in the following few years, along with what we think they actually will release.
July 8, 2016 What We’d Like: A Black Widow film. Of all the possible female-fronted superhero films that Marvel could make, Black Widow seems most likely to get the first one. After all, Scarlett Johansson has been part of the MCU for years now, and her character has become a fan favorite, as well as an integral part of the Avengers team. 2016 would be the perfect time for her to finally get a solo film, since the effects of Captain America: The Winter Soldier would still be rippling through the universe, and whatever happens in Age of Ultron is likely to raise the stakes of Natasha’s past being revealed even further. What We’ll Probably Get: The first installment in the Dr. Strange franchise. The film already has a director lined up and the lead is expected to be announced at Comic-Con, so it seems as if the wheels for this one are steadily in motion. The release of Ant-Man in 2015 will mark Marvel’s shift towards a new group of characters and a new phase of the MCU, so it would make sense that they would want to roll out new heroes together.
May 5, 2017 What We’d Like: If Marvel’s planning to unveil their new characters together, this would be the time to make a Black Panther movie. The studio has been rumored to be planning one for several years now, with everyone from Idris Elba and Falcon himself, Anthony Mackie, rumored to be in talks for the lead role. Marvel’s also expected to make some kind of announcement about the film this weekend, which means that a possible 2017 release date isn’t entirely out of the question. And since T’Challa is such a major force in the comics, it would be the perfect time to integrate him into the universe. What We’ll Probably Get: It’s got to be Thor 3. Thanks to the massive success of last year’s Iron Man 3, May seems to be the best time for Marvel to roll out the third installments in their franchises. They’ve already got Captain America scheduled for the spring of 2016, and since both that film and Thor 3 are likely to have major impacts on the third Avengers, this seems to be a great spot to allow the after-effects to really resonate.
July 28, 2017 What We’d Like: Guardians of the Galaxy 2. We know that the first one hasn’t even hit theaters yet, but we’re incredibly excited to see this merry band of misfits to team up and protect the galaxy. Saving the second for 2017 would make it the perfect halfway point between Age of Ultron and the third Avengers film, much like how the studio lined up the first Guardians of the Galaxy to bridge the gap between the first two Avengers films. It should also provide a nice break from the characters in the Avengers, since most of them are likely to get solo films of their own in the intervening years (sorry, Hawkeye). What We’ll Probably Get: Guardians of the Galaxy 2 seems like a safe bet for the summer of 2017. Plus, if the first film does well after its August 1 release, it would make sense for Marvel to hold the second one to the end of the summer, much like how they’re filling the spring with threequels.
Marvel
November 3, 2017 What We’d Like: Captain Marvel is long overdue for entry into the film universe. November would be the perfect time for Carol Danvers to make her big screen debut, especially since female-fronted action films have done extremely well there in recent years with The Hunger Games trilogy. There would be a bit less competition there than a summer release date would have, which might make a hesitant studio much more likely to take a chance on a new property. Plus, it would allow her to interact with the Guardians of the Galaxy – her powers come from an interaction with a Kree alien, which would make more sense in that universe than the Avengers’ – which would give those films the same kind of continuity that the Avengers films have. What We’ll Probably Get: Third time’s the charm right? That will probably be the rationale behind the Planet Hulk movie that will most likely hit in November of 2017. Mark Ruffalo has dropped a lot of hints about the possibility of a Hulk solo film, and Marvel is rumored to be making some kind of announcement about it this weekend, so it wouldn’t be a total shock if the studio decided to take on more chance on the big green guy.
July 6, 2018 What We’d Like: If there’s any time to test out a possible Young Avengers film, the summer of 2018 would be the best time to do so. Sure, part of us just wants to see Kate Bishop and co. sass people while saving the world, but it would also be pretty easy to build the Young Avengers into the MCU, thanks to the Netflix series that will introduce Jessica Jones, who first discovers the team. It would also allow them to introduce new characters that could be incorporated into the third Avengers film, or even set up their possible takeover of the MCU after Phase 3 is complete. What We’ll Probably Get: Though many are predicting that this is when Marvel would roll out a potential Black Widow movie, it seems a bit more likely to be a sequel slot. The most likely candidate would be Ant-Man 2, since the first one will hit theaters in July of 2015, which would give the studio plenty of time to work out a creative team – and if it has any of the issues the first one did, they’ll need that extra time – and the impact the character will have on the third Avengers film. Ant-Man is a goofier superhero, so a summer release seems like a solid fit for the follow-up film.
November 2, 2018 What We’d Like: There are a few possibilities we’d be open to for the fall of 2018; it would be a good time to roll out a Black Panther 2 or a Captain Marvel 2, since, in a perfect world, those characters would have movies by then, and also be playing a significant part in the MCU. We’d also take a Quicksilver and The Scarlet Witch spinoff film, although that might be a bit difficult for Marvel to work out; the characters are being split between the MCU and the X-Men universes, and contract issues might prohibit them from being the leads in their own film. What We’ll Probably Get: If July gets the Ant-Man sequel, expect November 2018 to be all about Dr. Strange 2. The timing would be right, especially if he’s going to be joining the Avengers for their third outing, and as Thor: The Dark World proved, the fall is a good time for superhero blockbusters that deal with a bit more magic, mysticism and planet-hopping than their summer counterparts do.
May 3, 2019 What We’d Like: There’s only one option for the final open slot: Avengers 3. Like we said earlier, May is the perfect time for Marvel to release its threequels, and May would be the perfect time of year to wrap up the third phase of the MCU, as it would leave them the option to release something from outside this particular continuity in the summer – like a third Guardians of the Galaxy – or to simply leave the summer months alone so that fans can really soak in the actions and consequences of the third Avengers film, and since Marvel’s the kind of studio to go out with a bang, they’ll probably need all the recovery time they can get. What We’ll Probably Get: This is definitely the slot for Avengers 3. Nothing else would even remotely make sense here, and we’re completely happy with that.
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Each week, Hollywood gives us something to whine about, and the week of April 1 was no different. We could make a drinking game out of this week, but that would be too dangerous. Instead, we'll stick to the usual formula: varying levels of alcoholic respite depending on how bothersome the week's issues are. Is your biggest complaint this week a flimsy one? How about a light cocktail to take the edge off? Got a real bone to pick with a celeb or entertainment entity this week? Go ahead, grab a drink that'll put hair on your chest. Here are the week's entertainment stories that are forcing us to seek a bubbly or boozy refuge. And maybe an idea or two about how you should wash them down.
Slam Back a Frosty Beer:
Farewell Roger Ebert: On Thursday, famed film critic Roger Ebert passed away from cancer. We will all miss his defining voice on pop culture and will never forget all that he's done.
The Kardashian sisters are suing their ex-stepmother: Apparently, she's been selling photos to the tabloids of the Kardashians... because heaven forbid that Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney end up in the media!
Bradley Cooper got a perm: We never thought something could make Cooper look bad... until now.
Ryan Cabrera tattooed Ryan Gosling's face on his calf: And the image was taken from a "How to Draw" site.
Mix a Gin and Tonic... But Make It a Double:
Huge missed opportunity: In all the Late Night show hullabaloo, why wasn't a woman considered to take over for Jay Leno?
Disney shut down LucasArts: The videogame company overseen by Lucasfilm that’s produced nearly three decades worth of Star Wars and Indiana Jones games, not to mention the Monkey Island saga, will be no more.
Courtney Stodden posed nude: And got groped by a zombie. You read that right.
Buckwild star died at 21: Shain Gandee was found dead in his car on Monday along with two of his relatives. MTV halted production on Season 2 of the show.
Screw it... Just Take a Shot:
We live in a society where anti-rape underwear is a thing: This shouldn't have to be an invention that exists. It really shouldn't.
The Late Night war got nasty: David Letterman talked sh*t about Leno, NBC, and the whole ordeal. Can we just be done with all the drama?
Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray serenades Anderson Cooper from jail: We really don't know what to make of this one. Take two shots.
Follow Sydney on Twitter: @SydneyBucksbaum
[Photo Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images]
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On paper, no entertainer working today fit the Oscar host bill quite like Seth MacFarlane: He's the mastermind behind Family Guy, the animated sitcom that's hooked millions of young audience members; he's successfully ventured into films with his mega-hit, R-rated comedy Ted; and he's a performer at heart — one who can rattle off-topic, risqué jokes while paying homage to the Golden Age of Hollywood. (Did we mention he cut a big band crooner album in 2011?) MacFarlane is a natural born showman who has never been given a stage.
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So it makes sense that producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron would hand over Oscar duties to a Renaissance man like MacFarlane. Going into the 84th Academy Awards, it was clear that the Broadway-inclined Zadan and Meron wanted a show that felt like a show. There were dance numbers planned, hints of a musical extravaganzas, and the promise of a full-fledged song-and-dance man in the leading role. The duo knew that by hiring MacFarlane, they would have a host who would pull out all the stops. Even if you don't enjoy his humor, MacFarlane isn't the type to phone it in.
But was "pulling out all the stops" what the Oscars needed?
Well, it certainly helped. MacFarlane took the stage like hosts of years past, ready to lay down one-liners and roast the Oscars' nominees. He started off with just enough inside baseball to land a joke that played to the in-house audience and the one billion people watching at home. "Quest to make Tommy Lee Jones laugh begins now." And he succeeded! The cranky Lincoln costar cracked a smile and got a huge laugh from the theatre. A good star for MacFarlane.
MacFarlane's zinger-filled intro only got better. From a jab at the Academy for snubbing Ben Affleck to a "remember that guy?" nod to 2012's Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin, MacFarlane kept the jokes coming and straight down the middle — fears of racy humor quickly dissipated. MacFarlane's biggest issue was contending with the assault of humor flooding the web via Twitter. His Daniel Day-Lewis/method acting joke about cell phones felt... old. Blame it on the comedians who can react in real time on everyone's favorite social media tool. But MacFarlane was always ready to shake any flops away — name-dropping Rihanna and Chris Brown quickly sent the room into a fit of laughter. Mission accomplished.
A few minutes into MacFarlane's bit, the most MacFarlane-y moment occurred: William Shatner interrupted the monologue in character as Captain Kirk, with a message from the future. Apparently, MacFarlane's planned opening flops with the critics. So everything he's about to do, he has to scrap. Kirk has taped evidence. The show cuts to MacFarlane in an extravagant musical number. "We Saw Your Boobs" runs down all the actresses in the audience who have revealed it all on camera. This is the MacFarlane R-rated humor we were all anticipating.
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It ends up working quite well. With a pre-recorded segment, MacFarlane worked the women of the Oscars into his bit — Jennifer Lawrence cheering when MacFarlane announces that she's never bared her breasts in a movie might be the high point of the evening — and integrated his signature style. The "time travel" element may have been incredibly geeky (and really, MacFarlane needed a way to inject a dose of nostalgic pop culture into the mix), but it gave him the ability to jump between raunchy comedy and pure classy musical numbers. Tapping into his love for the old school, MacFarlane balanced his ridiculous song and dance with a number of Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron ballroom dancing and a trio musical number between MacFarlane, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and Daniel Radcliffe.
Everyone won with this year's opening. Hollywood fans saw major stars strut their stuff under MacFarlane's swinging vocals, and fans of Family Guy saw their patron work his magic in bits like the sock puppet remake of Flight or the random Sally Field/Flying Nun backstage sketch. The funniest opening in Oscar history? Far from it, but MacFarlane clearly has an understanding of what an Oscar host needs to accomplish in an intro and a respect for the art of pulling it off. His act wasn't terribly far off from Academy Award go to Bob Hope — it was a straight down the middle performance that simultaneously mocked Hollywood and embraced it. MacFarlane has the musician's edge too. The producers didn't have to force him into a dance number. He wrote them in himself.
MacFarlane may take heat for not playing it as risky as he could. But it only works out for him in the end: on Oscar night, he delivered the kind of opening that gets a host invited back.
&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;a href="http://polldaddy.com/poll/6919137/"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;What Did You Think of Seth MacFarlane's Oscar Opening?&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/a&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;
[Photo Credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images]
Follow Matt Patches on Twitter @misterpatches
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Oscars 2013 Special Coverage
Oscars 2013 Red Carpet Arrivals: PICS!
• Anne Hathaway: Oscar’s Worst Dressed?• 15 Oscar-Winning Nude Scenes• The Worst Best Picture Winner Ever• Oscar's Problem With Pretty Boys• Why Stars Should Fear Seth MacFarlane• Oscars 2013: The Full Winners List• The Winner, According to You

Have you ever anticipated something to be a bounty of unbridled drama and escapism, only to find yourself exhausted by the mere act of paying attention?
Welcome to Monday's episode of The Bachelor. Tonight, abdominal warrior Sean Lowe went home with each of his top four ladies (Desiree, A$hLeE, Catherine, and whatsername) to meet the families and get to know a bit more about the broads he's hoping to bed (but only after marriage, at least, that's what I've heard, allegedly). Now I get why they kept Tierrable on so long: she was a distraction for how boring the show. Whatever. Different strokes —or rather no strokes at all! Zing! — For different folks. Let's get down to business.
AshLee's Hometown Date
You know, I really felt like by seeing AshLee at home in her element, it was helping me let go of my abandonment issues. Ha! Just kidding! AshLee sure did seem to take metaphorical leaps towards overcoming her perma-discussed issues with every word. Which, of course means that AshLee is probably going to get hurt. Not today, but soon. Either next week or at the altar, for sure. She IS Sean Lowe in female form, but with a sob story. So it seems like she's everything ABC could ever want, right?
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Which! You know, seems very convenient for AshLee. The whole date felt like ABC was trying to force-feed us AshLee so to see if we, the viewing audience, would approve of her as the next Bachelorette. Now let me stop you right here, ABC: NO. STOP. DO NOT WANT. We do not want AshLee The Bachelorette. America is tired of these perfection monsters — some of us want a normal f**king human whose sense of self and values weren't written by a burning bush before everyone realized that the world wasn't flat. We've had enough of these perfect, blonde all-American, über-religious types looking for love. This is not Christian Mingle the TV Show (though at this point it might as well be)! This is The Bachelor! We want someone who's willing to make mistakes and risk looking like an idiot for the public's enjoyment (and also because "the process works!" or love or something). I don't know, maybe someone who isn't some chaste humanoid parroting the ways of dating like a grandparent. This is 2013, not 1913. Please don't give us AshLee the Bachelorette, ABC. Please. I don't ask for much, just give me this. Besides, I bet if you ask Chris Harrison, he wouldn't like it either.
Anys**t, we're in Dallas and AshLee's parents are Texans! Her dad is a pastor! With strong family values! Gee willikers this doesn't sound like…so many of the other people that have been on this show before, huh? I'm starting to feel like NZK Productions might be a secret propaganda machine for the homogenization of America. Yawn. Anyway AshLee talks about her abandonment issues and how Sean Lowe is The Only Man [Of This Earth] For Her. She truly believes "he's going to be the man to protect my heart." Which, if she's looking for someone to guard and protect her heart she should've just looked up Kasey on Facebook or something. He's into that sort of thing. Anyway, her parents seem very sweet and obviously care a lot about her in a sort of smothering way, but it seems like that's exactly the sort of thing that girl needed. Abandon ship! Abandon ship! (Just kidding, AshLee.)
Catherine's Hometown Date
Catherine is the only one of these girls I can stand even a little. She seems so far to be the normalest of the pack, and I think, just might end up winning the whole shebang. The two are pretty playful and fun together (catchin' fish in Seattle's fish market, sticking bubble gum on walls, taking silly pictures), but Catherine's sisters are quick to tell Sean that's her MO. You see, Catherine's family is one of those totally rare groups of people who believe that the process DOESN'T work (cue gasps of horror), and they're hella skeptical of the duo's relationship. To the point that, after meeting her family, Sean's suddenly unsure of Catherine.
RELATED: The Bachelor Recap: Winter Is Coming. And It Is Tierrable.
You see Catherine is a modern woman who has dreams and wants someone to support her dreams. (The horror! The horror! A woman with aspirations! Such an unattractive quality.) Apparently that freaks Sean out? He likes his ladies a bit more...domesticated? (Is that a nice enough way to say that Sean's stuck in the 19-f**king-50s right now? Yes/no/maybe?) Later when talking to Chris Harrison about her, Sean says Catherine is "very independent" which is Sean Code for "terrifying feminist demon vaginamonster" who won't put up with antiquated gender roles. And Sean? Well Sean seems to err on the side of wanting a wee housewifey and he's afraid she won't be obedient enough. I mean, sure, this is all just subtext from his ridiculous conversation with Harrison, but at this point I'm just assuming that it's in the notorious g.o.d.'s hands and this is what we're supposed to glean from it all. Right?
Anyway, Catherine's sisters don't think she wants kids right away, and she has "extreme mood swings" which may or may not mean that Catherine is secretly She-Hulk (though hopefully not this She-Hulk). Her mom won't give Sean her blessing to ask Catherine to marry him, either. So basically Sean's feelin' like the whole day was a wash. Time to go home and pray it out, my dude.
Lindsay's Hometown Date
That's her name, you guys! Did you forget, too? Because I forget every time. I forget she's still even on this damn show, and when she shows up I'm very Bluth-ian in my "...her?" She seems like a really nice 17-year-old. Someone I would definitely let babysit my hypothetical and not-at-all-real children (don't worry, gram! I'd let you know if I was with-child before I told the Internet), knowing she's take care of them and also maybe give them a treat before bed that was "our little secret." I'd probably even pay her a little extra, because the kids, man, they just love her! Can't get enough. Perhaps the most hilarious moment came when Lindsay's mom, during her on-camera interview said "I just did not expect Lindsay and Sean to be where they're at now." Which, HA! Neither did we, Mom. Neither did we. Anyway this date was especially slow (there was a lot of cutesy army stuff because her dad's a four-star general in the army), plus there's just no way Sean's going to end up with this girl. Right? She'll make it to the top two, I'm sure, but I don't believe she'll win. She's like a mainstream Zooey Deschanel, and nobody wants that.
Desiree's Hometown Date
Desiree. Oh Desiree. Homegirl was totally in my top two there up until we saw previews for this episode. Then I knew it was over. But let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet. First, Desiree and Sean go on a hike — because in the 10 months I've lived in Los Angeles, this much I can tell you: 90% of its inhabitants spend 45% of their time hiking. It's science. LA motherf**kers love a hike. Hiking is actually the only time most Angelenos actually walk anywhere, since, you know, walking city streets is the worst. People in LA don't understand walking unless it's on a big dusty hill. Otherwise it's all just nonsense to them.
Her brother, who says things like "can I holla at you," and "you just a playboy" because he believes this is actually an audition for Entourage: The Movie, doesn't think Sean is reciprocating the romance. And in the most hilarious un-emotional way ever, Sean discusses a desire to fight Turtle Jr. He can't, though — not because he wants to be the bigger person or anything lame like that. No, it's probably just because his Kissing Coach Arie is also is Fighting Coach and Arie's out putting his mouth all over Selma. A bit preoccupied that one is, huh? Don't worry, Desiree, maybe he'll take you out next week.
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But where was the drama from this episode? Sure there was the fake-boyfriend prank (which, dude? This isn't the way to get your SAG card. C'mon!) which was oh-so-painful and obviously staged that I was pretty offended ABC would smash-cut away to commercial so quickly during that confrontation. As if we were stupid enough to believe it was anything but? It was all a bit much.
...and then Desiree got sent home! Spoiler alert! After a lot of hand-wringing, back-and-forthing, a mid-ceremony apology, and a second moment of pause, Sean ultimately sent Des packing. But not before some terribly penned, tweenage version of an unrequited romance novel posturing: "I always give so much because people take me for granted!" "It's not right!" "Then don't let me go!" Good lord, pump the breaks sweetheart, you've known this dude for...weeks. "I don't even know what I'm going to do now with my life." OK, she's either lost it, OR she's campaigning HARD to try and beat out AshLee for that Bachelorette crown. Jury's still out. (Hey ABC, don't pick her, either.)
And that's our show! But we'll be back Tuesday night because Tierrable is back! OK not really, but TALK of her is back because — at last! — Sean will tell all. And by "all" we imagine there will be a lot of teasers for the finale and the Women Tell All special, but hopefully the hour will mostly just consist of discussing Tierrable. Lord, I never thought I'd miss her.
What did you think of tonight's episode? Did the right girl go home? Who do you think should win? Sound off in the comments!
Follow Alicia on Twitter @alicialutes
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