Archive for the ‘strive’ Category

Here is something that each of us can strive to emulate and thereby let others HAIL us for practicing rather than preaching those very qualities that will make us better individuals.

Honesty – The focus must be on being truthful no matter what the circumstances. At times, perhaps we may have to be a wee bit more careful with our choice of words, the timing and the tone of our communication so as to not offend others but we must never compromise on the crux of the message. This is particularly true when we have to give negative feedback to others. However, if we are not honest about our feedback the other person would never be made aware of the scope for improvement and success.

Authenticity – We normally try to couch our emotions and feelings in a manner that would be more acceptable to others. So we would try not to express our anger, our fears, our annoyance, our hurt and other times we would more gregarious, extra enthusiastic, perhaps too patronizing. While a certain amount of restraint or a dash of energized emotions is acceptable, bottling up our feelings or displaying it in extremes would make us less believable and even less accepted. Authenticity enables an individual to be natural, spontaneous and touch the other person more deeply than a mere air kiss or a casual hug. A firm handshake, a warm hug, a genuine smile and the joy exuded when meeting a person would go a long way in establishing the authenticity of the relationship.

Integrity – The key to integrity is in standing up to be counted. Can you stand by your commitments no matter what the fears, temptations, allurements, pain. Not succumbing, giving it your best shot despite being on the losing side and being able to stand tall knowing you can be in the line of fire are the key test of integrity. At the core of your integrity lies the values you have imbibed and which you are willing to put to the test. In life a common test of integrity is displayed when people do not snitch when questioned and willingly take on the punishment even when not at fault.

Love – This is tricky because no one likes to lose and yet a worthy winner needs to be congratulated and respected. The essence of love is in the respect one has for everyone, the appreciation of the differences and the genuine warmth one has for those who are around you. You may disagree with others, as it often happens when you are on opposite sides of an issue, yet on a personal level one must be able to acknowledge others as equals and respect the differences.

There are often times when each of us busy trying to douse one fire after another because of varied crisis that keep cropping up. In frustration and exasperation we frequently experience the urge to throw in the towel and give it all up. Yet from within us comes a rage, an anger and/ or a passion to strive to overcome the forces that challenge us. The fires we keep dousing outside are made possible only by the raging fire within us that spurs us to think positively and triggers positive action and positive results.

To stoke the fire inside you requires you to fuel it with the following:

See problems as opportunities – Never let problems become issues that will weigh you down. Instead see them as opportunities to test your mettle. That is the time when you visualize a personal glory and victory lap waiting to be lapped up by you, provided of course you grab the opportunity and transform the problem into a solution. E.g. Your boss is to make a critical presentation to be made in front of some important clients. Due to a sudden emergency she is unable to attend the presentation and you are delegated to make that presentation.

Find a reason to succeed– Giving up is easy. Fighting the battle requires more than just determination. Your fight will be a worthwhile effort only when you have a strong reason to succeed. If your future is at stake you will put up the bravest fight of your life. If your honor is at peril you will fight a bigger, a stronger and a tougher opponent be it a person or a situation. E.g. you have a dislike for one particular subject. However you know it is critical to score marks in it o it could drag down your overall score and may impede your chances of getting into a course/ institution of your choice. This should be reason enough for you to focus more on the subject.

Challenge yourself – Move out of your comfort zone. Stretch your limits. Discover new facets about your talents and abilities. There could occasional failures; these are merely challenges teasing you to overcome them. Every athlete who competes knows that while their rivals are challenging them in the arena, their real challenge is to improve their personal performance standards. Set yourself performance standards and keep challenging yourself to exceed it. e.g. One normally tends to postpone doing disagreeable tasks. Challenge yourself to first tackle tasks you dislike rather than postpone them and feel miserable till you tackle it.

Punch above your weight – The execution of routines with a higher degree of complexity or difficulty earns more points in a diving or gymnastics routine. A boxer knows that if he moves up a weight category, his challengers would be much more bigger, stronger and powerful and the overcoming them would be far more different than when boxing in a lower weight class. Your inner strength is on full display; the bigger risk greater the glory becomes your mantra and as they say it is the fight in the man that counts. E.g. you have a talent that you have never explored. Take part in a professional competition and explore your talent.

Try these

When your senior colleague or boss is wrong will you disagree with them especially in a crisis situation? How will you go about expressing your point of view without annoying or irritating them or making them feel silly.

You are a heading a team and due to a misunderstanding your boss accuses one of your team members of tardy and below average job performance. How would you stand up to defend your team member who you are sure is not at fault.

Make an attempt to do the following

Do something you have never done before e.g. snorkeling / bungee jumping / diving

Overcome some fears e.g. public speaking / holding a snake / participating in a competition

In a fast paced world speed is key. Unfortunately, this has led to a situation where people have outpaced themselves and as a result the paradise that we can enjoy on earth, if we simply slow down, seems like an utopian idea. It is race with no end in sight and when we stop occasionally to ask ourselves where we are headed, we have no idea why we are where we are. Our life span won’t increase if we speed up, our dreams will still have bliss if one slows down but most of all we would enjoy and value our life we learn to live, rather than just exist, survive and decay.

To make sure that we enjoy the life we are blessed with, slow down and then follow the mantra below:

Don’t just look, #observe# – Look around and you see varied colors around. You see various facial expressions and body language of people around. You may notice the buzz and zip or an eerie silence depending on where you are. If you look carefully you may perhaps observe some finer aspects that would have skipped your attention; perhaps you will then notice that in a pack of cards there is one king with only one eye. Look carefully and perhaps you will observe the subtle differences in the different Jacks and Queens. Have you ever noticed the various silhouettes that you can contort using the shadow created when light is focused on an object like your hand/ fingers. Take various currency notes and observe some small varied geometrical shapes printed on the currency notes of different values. Along the highway of life you need to take time out to smell the flowers; but first you have to notice those flowers. Observe the blessings you have been showered with; family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, financial stability, good health and the list goes on.

Don’t just swallow, taste – Ever felt your mouth watering when you smelt the aroma of food. Perhaps a similar feeling engulfed you when you see the pictures of various dishes displayed in advertisements and culinary magazines/ blogs. When it comes to part taking of the food, often we are quick to notice what is wrong, but rarely do we appreciate what is wonderful about the meal. At home, one major distraction when eating is the lure of TV and mobile phones which ensure we eat mechanically; eating fast, chewing less and swallowing it rather than relishing the taste and appreciating the effort that went into the meal. An essential ingredient of a great meal is intangible; it is a dash of love put in by the one preparing it. Next time, taste every morsel and experience the dash of love on your taste buds.

Don’t just sleep, dream – Surely you can’t force yourself to dream. It is possible though to go to bed with some good thoughts, passionate ideas and blissful reflections. These will automatically turn into blissful sleep and wonderful dreams. There is also a different angle to the dimension of dreams. The biggest dreams are those that won’t let your sleep. Ask the wannabe next gen entrepreneurs. All their waking hours are spent on visualizing vividly and working diligently on their dreams. So what is keeping you awake at night; a nightmare or a dream? You can choose; just choose well.

Don’t just think, feel – This reflects the difference between sympathy and empathy. It is easy to see the pain and anguish of another who is struggling to stay afloat in the tempest of life. It takes courage, daring and empathy to reach out and risk your sanity and life to stand by the one in pain. Doling out alms, making encouraging proclamations and paying lip sympathy is passé. Feeling for another enough, means to walk in his / her shoes and experience their pain. This requires a person to translate their understanding of the others pain into personal action whereby you stand alongside and share the burden of the other.An apt illustration is the story told of a small five year old girl who lost her best playmate and neighbor in an accident. A couple of days later, this young girl went to her neighbor’s house and came back after a while. On being asked by her mother, what she did in the neighbor’s house, she replied that her friend’s mother was weeping copiously and that she sat on her friend’s mother’s lap and joined her in weeping copiously.

Don’t just exist, live – Am I living everyday with regret, complains suffering and pain in my heart? This would indicate that I am going through life merely because life has not yet abandoned me. If life hasn’t abandoned you why are you abandoning life? As long as you breathe, make every breath a sign of joy, happiness, bliss and ecstasy. It is your life; your thoughts; your feelings and your future. How about looking at life in wonderment of being alive; in the joy of the numerous blessings you are bestowed with; in contributing to the world around you the value of your worth be it through smiles, encouragement, empathy and liveliness. Existence is for the ventilator to provide; life is for you to live!

Try these

Which is your favorite food that you miss the most when travelling? Is there someone who makes it better than the rest? Is it because you now realize there is a dash of love in it?

So what dreams are there in your bucket list to be ticked off still? When and how are you planning to achieve it and tick it off your list?

What was the last big risk you took that enabled you to realize your own strength?

As we come to yet another year end, we would tend to reminiscence about the year gone by. While we do pause, recall and get a high about the lovely memories that we cherish, we have a propensity to linger much longer on the sadness and losses we have endured over the year. Perhaps it is thoughts about a loved one who we lost, maybe it is about a change of job or residence because of which we had to leave behind friends and good times we shared with them or maybe it is the recollection of some unfortunate happenings that scarred us. Reality is that we normally tend to take our happiness for granted and let our sadness engulf us. As a result we do not fully value and enjoy the full worth of the numerous blessings that have come our way. More importantly, we do not become fully productive, fully alive and completely besotted by the wonders of our life.

We can take a leaf from the life of a tree; it flowers, it bears fruits and it provides us shade. Yet it does not question why the flowers fall or why the fruits are used up or why it gets chopped. It simply grows despite all the odds. Can we not pick up a few tips from the way a tree continues to grow in rain and blazing heat?

Let bygones be bygones: No matter what odds it faces, be it children shaking it hard, animals grazing on it or the birds nesting on it the tree has simply not let these become excuses to remain stunted and fruitless. It has outgrown the challenges it has endured. It still provides the kids an opportunity to have fun, the animals to scratch themselves against its bark and the birds to build nests and feed itself from the fruits. Perhaps we too must look at our strict parents, hawk eyed school teachers and school bullies as people who helped you become stronger. Do not hold grudges against them. In fact, thank them for molding you to become the person you are.

Grow because you love your life: The tree grows because it wants to establish amongst the flora a fauna. It does not compete with the other vegetation but focuses on becoming what it was designed to do. Perhaps we too can stop imitating others, be less obsessed with the success of others and instead focus on becoming the best individual we can be. As individuals we have an advantage; we need to grow up where we are born. We can move an imbibe the best of cultures, customs, traditions and knowledge and improve much beyond what we initially gifted with. Make it a point to enjoy your life every single moment; the growing up will be much more well rounded and enjoyable.

Make peace with the world around: Yes people have harnessed their cattle on to the trees, they have thrown stones to get the fruits to fall, they have even perhaps disfigured the tree in order to climb it; yet the tree remains rooted and continues to grow. Can we not forgive those who criticize us, those who taunt us, those who talk ill about us, those who discourage us?

Learn to give even if you receive nothing: A tree largely receives only nature’s bounty and very rarely does it get any conscious support from human beings. Yet it continues to have flowers, bear fruits and provide itself for all and sundry be using its shade or eating its fruits or ultimately chopping it for domestic use. Once we have a similar attitude, our relationship with others will improve, our ability to give more increases because we have no expectations and we view others as worthy of our largesse.

Make your life a celebration of all seasons: While the tree does adapt itself to all seasons, it also provides us with an important lesson that no matter what the circumstances one needs to adapt and adjust to the situation. No matter what season, the tree will still retain its singular charm and grace even if it has shed its leaves or it is in full bloom. It is a lesson that teaches us to take the good times, the bad times, the low times and the highs of our life with dignity and poise. We need to be balanced at all times. At the same time we need to find something good in our troubles and be pragmatic in our good times without being vain and conceited. Everyday must be a celebration of life, for tomorrow is not guaranteed.

Try these:

List out 4 ways in which you will ethically make your life more colorful/ enjoyable.

As individuals, we often believe that we are not distinguished by any great characteristic or ability and that we are therefore consigned to be just a part of the crowd. Yet secretly we do nurture dreams, desires, hopes and fantasies most of it largely centered around success and achievement. Occasionally we may also venture and try to attain some of our ideals but it is with trepidation and half heartedness that we dare to attempt. We are cagey about the reactions of others to our attempt to dare, we fear criticism, we fear failure and we are aghast the thought that we may look like a fool if we don’t succeed. The sum total of these thoughts is that we either don’t dare or we make an attempt with no conviction and therefore the venture is doomed to fail.

On the other hand we are envious of numerous people around us who apparently did not have it in them to succeed (in our view) and yet have carved a niche for themselves defying all odds and predictions. We are perplexed and cannot phantom how they have succeeded. More importantly we lament our inability to leverage our talents and potential to attain something more significant in our life. What one needs to realize is that we are limited just by our own thinking, attitude and actions. Success can be achieved by anyone who plans to succeed, dares to succeed and persists to succeed. No criticism is a dampener, no goal impossible if set right and no effort wasted, even if success seems distant when the journey begins.

So what makes ordinary people become successful?They just make the best of the opportunities available.

How do they do it?They go about their business with intensity, passion and purpose.

Can I replicate this? Of course every individual no matter what their limitation can fulfill their potential?

How can I fulfill my potential? This requires a little more detailing. Try and adopt the following:

Enjoy your work by making the work fun – Look at the wildflowers dancing in the wind. They know their job is to grow, bloom and beautify the environment. They do it with a joy that is visible in the way they brighten up the environment around. No matter what your task seek out the wonder that the job entails and make every effort to cherish both the job as well as the process and the outcome. This would require a wee bit of imaginative thinking, especially since, over a period of time, all jobs are routine, boring and repetitive in nature. Yet as human beings we have the good fortune to grow in our jobs and take on greater responsibilities, vary our jobs by changing it and also improve the quality of our jobs through automation, job rotation, work engagement etc.

Visualize yourself and your job as a blessing to be cherished not merely a duty to be done – Again the wild flower does not question what type of a flower it is or its color nor its location. It simply grows with intensity. If you have a job cherish it; look around and see the numerous jobless who are frustrated and angry. Look at your job as a privileged opportunity to be engaged and gainfully rewarded. While the job itself entitles you to be compensated for the duties you discharge, you must see it as an opportunity and blessing to fulfill your potential and being rewarded for the same.

Enliven the environment with your individuality your personality and your strength’s. – From a distance all the flowers that grow wild look alike. Yet go closer and examine and you would notice the subtle differences. Together they add color, brighten the space, make the soil come alive and yet individually they retain their differences, love themselves, flutter and sway in their own individualistic style. We humans have much more opportunity to retain our individuality and yet collective make a huge difference. Our strengths of intelligence, physically strength, inner strength, our feelings, attitudes, approach all contribute in varied ways to leave our individuality in the environment around us. All we need to do is recognize these strengths and leverage it and be aware of our limitations and acknowledge it and work around it.

Go that extra mile to make a difference – No matter what the terrain, the soil, the climatic condition and the physical risks like animals eating it up or insects destroying it, wild flowers sprout, grow and enliven the environment. What we can see and appreciate are the wild flowers that outgrew their adversity to make a difference. As individuals each of us would have personal problems, individual limitations, doubts, fears and apprehensions. Yet we need to believe in ourselves, focus on what we can do and when needed make that extra effort to fulfill our potential. There would be setbacks, there would be criticism, there could be huge risks but like the wild flower, cling to our self belief and bloom wherever you are.

Cooperate without compromising – remain dignified – Look carefully at the wildflowers and you would see that some of them have malformed petals or partially eaten petals or a rotting stem. Yet from a distance they still sway in the wind, their colors brighten the dull foliage. They cooperate with the environment, are aware of the harsh realities but they don’t stoop and prostrate to the vagaries of nature. They retain their dignity inspite of the adversity. This is one lesson that we human beings must imbibe. Don’t succumb to temptations, pressures, criticism and threats. Cooperate with the environment around but never compromise. Be dignified; be true to your conscience, your values, your ethics and your principles. Bloom with head held high, shoulders erect and pride intact.

Enjoy life;brighten the world; make a difference to yourselfand to the world around.

Try these:

Identify the special characteristics / qualities that make you unique and different from your siblings/ cousins / classmates / friends. List out 3 of your strengths and identify 1 major weakness.

What frustrates you the most? Do you think you can do something to alleviate your frustration? How will you go about implementing your plan to alleviate your frustration?

Recollect an incident/ incidents in your life that you feel embarrassed about. Do you think you would have handled the situation differently today?

Most of us go through life feeling that we are just one in a crowd and that no one ever notices us nor values us. Yes it is true that parents would always have a special place for their kids but even that is often liberally sprinkled with do’s and don’ts and an incompleteness that suggests we need to still exceed their expectations. As a result, we are often trying to match up to expectations, trying to prove a point to others and do not really offer to the world around liberally of our talents, our abilities and our real self. The reality is that our individuality has much to offer that is unique and that is valued by others. It is the little things that we do, that is more significant than the convoluted efforts we make to impress others and gain approval. By being ourselves we are more natural, caring, feeling and expressive. There is always a lot of sparkle that we leave behind when we are natural not artificial, genuine not put on and when we can freely offer of our self without expectations from others.

Our natural self is often influenced by our upbringing, our family values and the inputs in our formative years in school and social settings. Our own attitudes, beliefs and thinking too have a major bearing on how our personality shapes up. There is a lot of positivity, goodness, care and concern that we are born with but these can be reinforced or negated by influences as we grow up. There is so much that we offer the world around that is valued, appreciated and eagerly sought for without us being conscious about it. So what is it that we can offer spontaneously, amply and freely that will always sparkle up our environment and the people around us?

A smile is obviously the most obvious and easiest sparkle that we can share with others. With a smile we acknowledge another person in a warm way. It is a sure way to state we notice the other person and a way to silently inform that we appreciate their presence. Very often it is also the beginning of a communication and possibly a friendship and a connect. A warm genuine smile brightens up the environment, lightens the mood and livens up the spirit.

Appreciation is something that every individual seeks. It is also something that can be easily given for there is a lot to appreciate in others. We tend to be stingy with our appreciation mainly because we are not aware how effective it is in creating a bond and building up relationships. Appreciation must not be confused with flattery. Appreciation is a genuine expression of a good sentiment towards an other. It can be simply an appreciation of the good work done by someone or your acknowledgment of something good in the other person. The best appreciation is when we respond positively to the individual concerned but we can also be appreciative of the person in a forum or setting where the person is not present.

Empathy is our ability to understand and feel a person’s pain and if possible to act decisively to mitigate it by our actions. Empathy goes a step beyond sympathy in that we don’t merely understand the others pain but we also attempt to walk with the person in discomfort and try to alleviate the pain to the extent possible. We are active participants in the process of healing for the others. This is difficult to spontaneously do because we often tend to hold back our feelings and expect others to ask us for our support.

Encouragementis a simple yet powerful technique that enables one to motivate and support others thereby leaving our little sparkle in their lives. Lots of people constantly need support in their emotional life as well as in coping with the stress of failures. Often they blame themselves for their inability to cope with the challenges they face. As a friend or well wisher or even as a bystander we can perhaps try and take a detached view and offer encouragement to the individual concerned and motivate him/ her to have fresh perspective and try again. With our encouragement we rekindle hope in them and they begin to pursue with greater vigour.

Support comes in many forms. Encouragement is also a form of support. However it is the support that we lend in practical terms like financial support at crucial times, being with them physically when they are in trouble, like when are involved in a calamity, that is really cherished. One could also support by putting in a word to influencers who can help their cause or just being with them when they are at their lowest depth psychologically and emotionally. Even if we cannot support them directly we must be able to at least guide them to find support or suggest to them alternatives to explore. Even the tiniest of support offered is the little sparkle that you offer them.

Keeping in touch has become easy nowadays because of technology. Yet, it is the personal touch that one craves for. Wishing people or expressing sympathy or forwarding messages through the electronic means has become so easy that it is done with little or no personalization or feeling. The real touch is in our ability to talk, meet, getting together and in giving surprises to those around. This does take both time and effort, but it is the time and effort we invest in keeping in touch that sets us apart from the others. The sparkle that we leave behind is the memories of those wonderful moments when personal touch actually touched the heart. The sparkle of those memories would always be cherished and would always remain priceless.

Try these:

In addition to the above explore how you can leave a sparkle through the following

Your manners

Your etiquettes

Your initiative

Your impartiality and fairness

Your tone/ language/ conduct

Your talents / abilities

Your wit/ humor/ presence of mind

List out the following

Names of 2 individuals (other than immediate family) who have deeply influenced you.

Recollect 2 wonderful moments from your life where someone played an important part in making it memorable.

Can you remember at least 2 incidences where your involvement in some way made a person thrilled and ever grateful for your presence.

Are there memories of times when you did not get the appreciation /support or encouragement that you sought from someone? Do you still feel bad about it?

Do you remember an embarrassing moment/s when you backed out from offering support / encouragement to someone who placed his/ her faith in you?

Many of us are disheartened and disappointed in life because we believe that others are more blessed than us. We also view this as being unfair to us because in our view we are equally eligible for the largesse of life. The real issue however is the fact that we cannot pinpoint what we want. Most times what we want is what we suddenly envy in others who posses it. It is therefore essential that we clearly visualize, identify and decide what exactly we want for ourselves. This brings clarity to us, enables us to evaluate how we can attain it and most important ask and seek it. Yes getting what you want all begins with asking for what you want and this in turn means you begin by knowing what one want.

Ask –When we want something we need to ask for it if we are unable to get it on our own. The prerequisite for this step is to ensure we know what we want. It could be a material thing, it could be job or reference that you seek or it could even be exploring a relationship. Unless you ask others would either not be able to understand your want or they may not even notice your want or they would be so unsure about your requirements that they would prefer to be cautious and not even offer you anything. We do not ask for what we want because our ego won’t permit us to ask, we fear rejection of our request, we are embarrassed to ask or we are wary of the obligation that may come from those acceding to our request. Asking also has another dimension. Once we know what we want, it motivates us to ask ourselves for the required effort, commitment and perseverance to obtain what we seek.

Believe – If we ask we must believe that we are going to get what we sought. This is because we ask only when we are sure we know what we want and we are confident that by asking we can get it. Another reason to believe is the reality that we are then prepared to make best use of whatever we receive. A third reason to believe is the fact that if we are sure we will receive it we would be both cautious and reasonable in what we ask. At the same time don’t forget, that barring miracles and some lucky times, it would be silly to believe you would get anything that you don’t deserve. E.g. You don’t study and you pray for good marks or you have been rude and insolent to your parents and you ask them for something special and expensive for your birthday.

Receive – If you ask with confidence and believe with full faith you must be ready to receive with arms open wide. You will receive in packages that defy logic, in a form that could surprise you and at times you least expect. Once you are prepared to receive all that you ask for and believe in keep looking for the arrival of the gift. Perhaps you are desperate for a job and you meet an influential person. That could be the beginning of you getting a job offer. At times when you are sure you deserve to get something and at the last moment it eludes you disappointment and frustration is logical. If you pause and reflect it maybe a hint of you having to expect more, work harder and receive a bigger reward. At times therefore, not receiving despite your conviction that you merit it, could suggest that you are to ask, believe and be prepared to receive something even more valuable and deserving.

Try this:

Can you recollect opportunities / prizes / awards that eluded you? On hindsight can you reflect on how that miss actually benefited you?

Attempt to do the following

Toss a coin 15 times and try to guess which way the coin will land face up.

Go to a basketball court and take 15 shots to score a 3 pointer basket.

Every morning list out at least 3 things that you will achieve before you retire to bed at night.

In the coming week listen carefully to people asking for something ( may be something tangible or seeking help ). Surprise at least one person by offering tangible help. Attempt to do this every week preferably for a stranger.