Sunday, July 10, 2011

The Secret To A Happy Life

Maybe its' a bit lofty for a comic, a comic with a day job even, but I am confident that I have found it, the key to a happy existence.

You must not lose touch with the ten year old you once were. People try not to grow up because they knew happiness as kids, or at least they think they were happy as kids. This is not what I'm advising at all. This is the path to being someone who is annoying to get stuck talking to at a party. Don't resist being thirty or forty or fifty but enjoy those ages the way the ten year old you would if he or she got to test drive your current life for a day.

Here is my life the way I unfortunately sometimes view it:

I am struggling to make a living as a comedian while working at a horrible day job. I love my wife and my baby but we don't get enough time together and much of the time we get together is spent dealing with the complications of modern working class life. We live in a rented apartment and a small one at that.

But put ten year old Keith behind the wheel:

DUDE, I GET TO DRIVE A CAR!!!
I'm married to a beautiful girl and SHE LETS ME TOUCH HER BOOBS! AND HAVE SEX! AND OTHER STUFF. No I'm not gonna tell you what other stuff, perv. You can buy the book.
And I do comedy and hang out with people like Robin Williams, yeah, FUCKING MORK FROM ORK. FOR REAL!
I have my own place, no parents. I eat what I want, when I want, go to bed when I'm tired. And I have a cute baby and she is super fun to play with. I don't give her spankings or yell at her. And my wife is super fun too and my baby has her own room which is good for when I want to touch my wife's boobs WHICH SHE TOTALLY LETS ME DO!!! UNDER THE SHIRT!!!
I have to go to work. That sucks. Beats the shit out of school though, that's for sure. And I get PAID!
I live in the future too which is crazy. Everybody has computers even portable ones and they are all linked together so you can just watch movies and listen to pretty much any song you can think of anytime you want and I have pen pals all over the world.
Yeah, life is rad.