Beeb bakes a sweet confection

Nothing more than a gentle jog in the park. Usain Bolt winning the sprint double?

Merely a skip down the road. Michael Phleps hitting the 18 gold medals mark? A splash in the local lido.

The Great British Bake Off celebrates and promotes the same 'oh, just have a go' spirit which so many people found so inspiring during the Olympics

Because if you want to see some proper skill, some real dedication, and some true superhuman achievement, there is only one place I can direct you.

BBC2, Tuesday, 8pm, the Great British Bake Off.

Let’s face it, if you asked those so-called Olympic greats to make a rum baba from scratch, they would run a mile.

In fact, some of them would probably break the world record in the process.

But that was one of the daunting opening-round challenges set by the show’s resident master baker, Paul Hollywood, who claimed he’d found the recipe in an old cook book he bought back in the Eighties (presumably on the same shopping trip where he bought the shirts he wears on this programme).

The baba results, like Gary Lineker’s puns, ranged from pleasantly surprising to weeping-on-the-floor disastrous. But at least they all tried.

And that is one of the reasons for the unlikely ratings success of this programme, whose second series was such a big hit for BBC2 last year that it is surely only a matter of time before BBC1 steals it.

It celebrates and promotes the same ‘oh, just have a go’ spirit which so many people found so inspiring during the Olympics.

It is also – and by some distance – the most reassuringly middle-class show on television. I’d go as far as to say the BBC really missed a trick by not staging it at the London 2012 Equestrian Centre.

This year’s bakers include a vicar’s wife, a conservation company director, an Oxbridge undergraduate, a cellist, a father from Windsor who bakes cakes for school fetes, a young rugby player (who looks like a telegenic AA Gill), and a double bass-playing medical student with a passion for Sarah Lund-style knitwear.

To be fair, the starting line-up also included a midwife from Staffordshire but they booted her straight out at the end of round one. That’s the show’s competitive edge for you.

Which will surely please those who are still suffering Olympics withdrawal symptoms.

Of course, it would be nice if we could have Gabby Logan sofa-dancing whenever a well-iced bun is unveiled, or Clare Balding conducting an emotional ovenside interview with the best baker’s dad.

And it would be amazing if Colin Jackson made some of his scientific videos to explain the art of baking to the uninitiated – ‘Self-raising flour is just like plain fl our… but with the added ability to rise by itself.’

But Mel Giedroyc and Sue Perkins are every bit as engaging as the BBC’s Olympics team. They even found time to drop a few factbombs in.

I, for one, would never have guessed the most popular food-related search on the internet was ‘cake’.

But armed with that knowledge I now feel confident enough to predict the second most popular one: ‘Cake and WeightWatchers’.

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Another fascinating fact from BBC2’s science show Things You Need To Know as James May revealed: ‘Because of gravity your head ages faster than your feet.’

Yes, James. And in certain cases it can appear to age even faster because of your haircut.

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Did Peter Andre only agree to present ITV2’s Bad Boyfriend Club so he could abbreviate it and tell people he was working on his ‘BBC show’?

Because I can see no other reason. Apart from stupidity. Oh, and rank desperation.

George back to the hits (but no smashes)

An incredibly tempting offer from Gary Lineker as he kicked off the Olympics Closing Ceremony with this message: ‘If you’d like to watch without commentary, press the red button. Now, here’s Trevor Nelson…’

But I stuck with it. And to be fair to Trevor, he was nowhere near as irritating as he’d been at the Opening Ceremony.

In fact he seemed so subdued at times I began to suspect Hazel Irvine had sneaked a lava lamp into the commentary box to distract him.

The highlight for me was George Michael appearing shortly after the technical wizards had also risen John Lennon from the dead

As for the ceremony itself, we could have probably done without quite so much Jessie J (can we not persuade the Rio organising committee to take her as well?).

And, yes, parts of it did put me so much in mind of Live Aid that I was half-expecting Bob Geldof to come out and yell ‘Give us the money NOW!’

But nobody can deny events took a turn for the better the minute it became clear Victoria Beckham had decided against too much singing and dancing during the Spice Girls performance.

The highlight for me though was George Michael appearing shortly after the technical wizards had also risen John Lennon from the dead.

True, I was a little gutted they hadn’t let him drive one of those cars from earlier in the ceremony up on stage. Then again, it was probably for the best…

Real wheel of misfortune

I’m still not sure why ITV1 bothered bringing back Red Or Black with no live element, no all-or-nothing roulette wheel spin and no instant £1m prize.

It all feels a bit too much like your mum trying to salvage Sunday lunch after the dog has run off with the roast.

Of course, Ant & Dec can still make just about any TV show watchable. (I’m allowing myself that wriggle room in case Text Santa comes back this year.)

But even they must accept they are now reduced to hosting the slightly tweaked, less cheesy half-cousin of Darren Day’s You Bet! Will there be a third series? You wanna bet on it?

Soap on a slippery slope

Jessica Ennis is undoubtedly a dedicated young woman. But even she would have baulked at the gruelling seven-challenge event set by BBC1.

It broadcast seven episodes of EastEnders. In one week.

BBC1 broadcast seven episodes of EastEnders. In one week

Someone at the BBC obviously thought extra doses of Cockney screaming and misery were just what the country needed to slap it out of its golden euphoria.

Or perhaps it was simply a timely warning of what the schedule would look like if funding for major events like the Olympics was reduced.

In which case, I give in already. Increase the licence fee as much as you like.

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BBC2 provided a hearty appetiser for the 2012 Paralympics with The Best Of Men, a soaring drama about the post-war origins of the games.

There were award-worthy performances from Eddie Marsan and Rob Brydon, while Lucy Gannon’s script was gut-wrenching yet never patronising or sentimental.

Trust me, television like this could bring even the worst of men to tears.

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Despite being dumped in an early-evening BBC2 slot, Celebrity MasterChef began as promisingly as ever. Favourite contestant so far?

Jamie Theakston, who quickly announced, ‘What I lack in technique I hope I make up for with enthusiasm.’

And if that sounds like something a Mayfair S&M madam might say then I’m sure that’s entirely coincidental.

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Channel 4’s latest Dispatches investigation ‘Tricks Of The Dole Cheats’ was a slight misnomer. It was more a case of ‘incompetence of the dole-office workers’.

Still, it was good to see footage of Nick Clegg acquainting himself with the inside of a Job Centre.

The way things are going he might be spending a lot more time in there soon.

We’ve got to talk about Alan

It’s wonderful news that Sky Atlantic has given Alan Partridge a second series of the cringingly brilliant Mid Morning Matters.

And if Alan has a request slot, I’d like to make the following one: please bring Alan’s stand-in sidekick Zoe Scott (Pippa Duffy) back from her travelling holiday as soon as possible.

Alan Partridge's attempt to woo stand-in sidekick Zoe Scott was the first time I've watched a TV programme through my fingers and enjoyed it in years

Because Alan’s attempt to woo her during Monday’s finale was the first time I’ve watched a TV programme through my fingers and enjoyed it in years.

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The best thing so far about C4’s Funny Fortnight celebration has been the chance to re-watch the likes of Brass Eye and Vic Reeves Big Night.

I also enjoyed last night’s rerun of a Frankie Boyle live show which was recorded back in 2010. When he was still funny.

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Lamest attempt to cash in on Olympic fever? ITV1’s two part documentary Jennifer Saunders: Back In The Saddle, in which the comedienne attempts to master equestrianism.

Now, if only they’d sent Dawn French off to learn how to throw the hammer or to do some power lifting, we might have had an entertaining show on our hands.

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Final thoughts on the first run of Paddy McGuinness’s ITV1 comedy review programme Mad Mad World: Let the panel show see the axe.

Clothes maketh the man

If you didn’t see Sean Bean playing a transvestite called Tracie who was up for murder in BBC1’s brilliant Accused you must visit iPlayer immediately. I’m saying no more than that.

If you didn't see Sean Bean playing a transvestite called Tracie who was up for murder in BBC1's brilliant Accused you must visit iPlayer immediately

Although I did wonder why, if Tracie really did want ‘to be like Cheryl Cole’, she didn’t just try working on her right hook.