(Closed) Rant: Sister issues

My older sister is planning her wedding for September. She went shopping with her MOH and other bridesmaid for dresses today. My younger sister and I live in other cities, so we could not go with them. OS sent us pictures of the dresses that they liked the best.

YS talked to me afterward and told me she thought the dresses were “old-ladyish” and “fugly”, despite the fact that she suggested OS actually look at one of the dresses! She said she didn’t want to buy a dress she looked ugly in. YS and I are usually close but I am finding her frustrating to deal with about this wedding stuff. She is leaving to work up north for 4 months in a couple of weeks so we need to get the dresses ASAP. I suggested YS go look for dresses herself. She said she looked for 2 hours yesterday and found one that OS vetoed because it was expensive. When I told her to try to be more supportive and go along with OS (under $100) dress picks, she freaked out and fought with me. She said despite the fact that we are all “old” (I’m 25! Ha!) she doesn’t want to look like that at the wedding. YS is notorious for being stubborn so I know that after fighting there is no way I can change her mind.

I don’t want to upset OS, but I need to figure out a way to get this fixed, otherwise YS will be a brat. She’ll either buy the dress and be jerky and sulky about it which will make OS upset, or she will refuse/ignore the issue leaving OS with the stress of finding a way to get a dress for YS while she is away with limited contact methods. Any suggestions? This is one for the diplomats!!

I found the best way to neutralize the squeeky wheel was to let her pick. I didn’t care what the girls wore, so I said they could wear the same thing or different dresses. Ultimately they decided that they’d all wear the same inexpensive DB Bridesmaid dress. Disaster averted!

@Mrs. DG – OS says that she might let us do that, but I know in her heart-of-hearts she really wants matching dresses. She’s a huge people pleaser and I think she might just do that to make everyone else happy. I thought about calling her and telling her it might be the best option, but I just told her earlier today to go with what SHE wanted. Oops.

I think DG may have meant that if all of the other bridesmaids are very flexible and nice like you, you can give YS a budget and let her choose the dress for everyone. The only potential risk here is that I am a bit concerned that YS is describing herself and you as “old” which (besides being insane) makes me worry that she may be really jealous of your sister’s marriage and might choose a really inappropriate dress and continue to act up in the future. I’d ask her to look at dresses in a reasonable price range for all of the bridesmaids, and let the bride maintain veto power.

Oh, and if possible, please keep in mind that people usually hate their bridesmaid dresses – my favorite was the one we called the “bubble boob dress” that made my chest region look like there was a layer of bubble wrap between my dress and my breasts. The seamstress took one look at me and told me I needed a padded bra. I looked at her strangely, and when I took off the dress she was shocked to realize I am a very full C cup, and she said, “wow, I had no idea that you had breasts in that dress!”

@professorbee – Bubble boobs sounds awful! For my wedding I just let YS and OS choose dresses themselves, so she could wear what she wanted, and is not used to being in weddings where someone else has a say. The problem with YS picking the dress is that the other bridesmaid is going to be having a baby right before the wedding, so is also choosy about dresses (but mainly because she needs to ensure it will fit, so they’ve been looking for empire waists).

I don’t think YS is jealous of my sister getting married. She is 19 and loves the idea of being young and dating around. I think the issue is two-parts. First, YS said she is worried that we will pick a dress that will make her look fat because she is bigger than the rest of us (but definitely NOT fat, so who knows where this is coming from). Second, YS loves to wear revealing clothing (seems contradictory doesn’t it?) and I think she thinks anything without a lot of cleavage showing is too “old-ladyish”. YS is a huge party girl and I think that’s why she sees me as old (plus the other girls are 9-10 years older than she is).

Our squeaky wheel had some of the similar issues as Brianalaura is describing. I thought it was only the 3 bridesmaids, so maybe if YS got to put forth her suggestions, the more mature girls could find one of YS’s options that might be able to work for them.

For us, it just completely neutralized the drama, but I understand that it might not work for everyone (especially with maternity concerns)! Needless to say it should be something that the bride can live with… and that will work for the pregnant bridesmaid. I’m starting to think same fabric, same color, different dresses might be the way to go.

Trust me when I say I feel for you and have walked a mile in those shoes!

Oh wow – I’m sorry you are in this position! It can’t be easy negotiating all of these concerns, and it is tough finding maternity bridesmaid dresses that look nice.

I know your sister wanted matching dresses, but would she be happy with everyone wearing the same color/fabric? Some bridesmaid lines allow you to pick one color/fabric and coordinate the dresses that way. I had four bridesmaids, and one was 8 months pregnant. Since I hated all the maternity bridesmaid dresses I saw, I asked her to just buy any dress she liked in black (since I figured I wouldn’t want to wear anything but black when I was that far along). She bought a beautiful dress, and looked gorgeous (everyone else was in the same red dress, so I was happy with the way they looked together since I like the way black goes with red). Maybe that will make your sister happy?

I’m glad you feel my pain, ladies! OS is looking for dresses off-the-rack at chain stores to make everything cheaper and easier (or so she thought!). Since she has been looking at chains that they have in the cities where YS and I live also, we wouldn’t have to all get together to look for dresses.

OS said if there were major problems she would just tell everyone to pick out a blue dress that was short (she doesn’t care the shade or material) and that was that. She told both me and our mom that she preferred everyone in the same dress, but maybe I should just suggest she go with the other option? I guess I just feel bad because I commiserate in the stress of wedding planning!

I have somewhat of an issue myself with my bridesmaids all being completely different, but we just went with a separates idea so that they could all pick whichever looked best on them and it wasnt too expensive. I think it worked out pretty well! I hope your sisters resolve things! But sometimes it is better to just let them pick I think.

@JenaeAnne – Yeah that’s why I just let my sisters pick their own for my wedding. OS is 28 and YS is 19 and they have totally different styles so it was easier for me that way! I think OS is just worried that someone will end up unhappy – which is what YS is right now. I guess I’m just mad because she is often selfish like this, and only considers what she wants, and sees EVERYONE ELSE as being unreasonable. ARG.

So I guess I will talk to our mom and OS and try to ease in the different dresses idea. At least I can rant to my mom about this tomorrow! She knows what YS can be like, especially with clothes!