Thanks Manu! The key phrase might be “mutually agreed upon.” In theory much of what you say sounds sensible, though many terms could be open to interpretation, such as “timely” and “effective.” Assuming you’re talking about your partner, he or she may have different ideas about those and other things. It also sounds like you’ve had repeated interactions on this topic, many of which may have been reactive rather than really sitting down and having a thoughtful and caring conversation in which you both try to understand what’s important to the other and why. My article on values could be one way to approach it.

Perhaps even more important than expressing your frustrations and how it affects you emotionally (e.g., you may feel hurt; sad; worried when you don’t know where your partner is; etc.), would be exploring and listening carefully to why your partner has a hard time with doing what you are asking. For instance, sometimes when people are not good at updating changes such as you describe, they had similar experiences growing up with their parents, so there’s some kind of emotional interference. As you can see, what seems like a simple “basic standard” can be quite complex and take time to fully understand. But the more your partner feels understood in his or her experience, the more likely they will be able to collaborate with you in finding better ways to communicate.