The Ant and the Grasshopper — Ned Martin’s Amused

The Original Story of the Ant and the Grasshopper

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The shivering grasshopper has no
food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The Modern Australian Version

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house
and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he’s a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why
the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate
like him are cold and starving.

The ABC and Channel 9 show up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper,
with cuts to a video of the ant in his comfortable warm home with a table filled
with food.

Australians are stunned that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper
is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.

The Democrats, the Greens and the Coalition Against Poverty demonstrate in
front of the ant’s house.

The ABC, interrupting an Aboriginal cultural festival special from North Queensland
with breaking news, broadcasts them singing “We Shall Overcome.”

Bob Brown rants in an interview with Ray Martin that the ant has gotten rich
off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the ant
to make him pay his “fair share.”

In response to polls, the Liberal Government drafts the Economic Equity and
Grasshopper Anti-Discrimination Act, retrospective to the beginning of the summer.

It is quickly passed through the Senate.

The ant’s taxes are reassessed and he is also fined for failing to hire grasshoppers
as helpers.

Without enough money to pay both the fine and his newly imposed retrospective
taxes, his home is confiscated by the government.

The ant moves to Asia, and starts a successful agribiz company.

The TV stations later show the now fat grasshopper finishing up the last of
the ant’s food though Spring is still months away, while the government owned
house he is in, which just happens to be the ant’s old house crumbles around
him because he hadn’t maintained it. Inadequate government funding is blamed,
Kim Beasley now is appointed to head a commission of inquiry that will cost
$10,000,000.

The grasshopper is soon dead of a drug overdose. The Sydney Morning Herald
blames it on obvious failure of government to address the root causes of despair
arising from social inequity.

The abandoned house is taken over by a gang of immigrant spiders, praised
by the government for enriching Australia’s multicultural diversity, who promptly
terrorize the community.