The GOOGLE FRIEND CONNECT widget should be here, but all I see is a blank box. If you are a member of blogger.com, you can go to your blogger dashboard, scroll down to Blogs I Follow, and at the bottom should be an "add" and "manage" button. If you click on "add", you can copy and paste my URL. Or, you can send me an email at karen@myleahrose.com and I will send you a link to try and join the site. I apologize for the inconvenience but I can't figure out why the box won't show up.

Archive for the ‘Celebrations’ Category

Every year, Father’s Day turns into more of a day of stress for me. I shouldn’t stress over it, but I stress over my hair is gray and I’m the mother of a 7 year old at 49, so stress is a constant companion. Leah Rose’s biological father is not in the picture, by his choice, and has not been involved since a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant.

In the beginning it was easy, I didn’t have to mention a father because she was too little to understand. When she started school at 3 years old, it was still easy. In Kindergarten, she started becoming more aware of who or what a father is because of classmates at school who did have fathers, but didn’t question it. This past school year, the awareness has steadily increased.

At first, I happened to mention that I had been married, first to Ted’s Daddy, and then to someone else. She then wanted to know if they were her Daddy. No. “So who is my Daddy?” is the next question. My mind goes numb. I think I muttered something like, well, he’s not around and I’m not sure where he is. Somehow I managed to squeak by on that one without making a commitment about anything.

Next, she learns that my mother was married, she had a husband, and he was my daddy, and he is her granddaddy. We have told her several times, and every time the amazement drama is more increased.

This past weekend, we went to the cemetery to replace the flowers on my Daddy’s grave. Of course, this lead to a series of questions about where is he and heaven, and on and on. Then the next question was where is my daddy? Again, my mind went numb, and I know Mama’s brain was shutting down too. She was driving and I was blindly staring out the window. I tapped my fingers on the arm rest and squinted my eyes, hoping the answer would be somewhere imprinted behind my eyelids. It wasn’t there, of course, and the question was repeated again. And my hope was dashed that she was so involved in her Nintendo game that she would forget she had asked the question.

When the question came again, my mouth popped open and closed. No sound came out. The air in the car was getting hotter and hotter and it was harder to breathe. I knew I was going to either burst out crying, or screaming, or pulling my hair out. The wheels were spinning, but the gears were sluggish and chugging slowly causing extreme and increasing pain in my heart and it took everything in me to keep from showing any emotion at all.

Finally, I took a breath and said something inane about a friend traveling to Texas and her mind refocused on a different topic.

It’s hard being the mother and the father. I have to back myself up when I try to discipline her. How does that work, you ask? It doesn’t. It’s impossible. I have friends that try to support and encourage and back me up when they see that I’m struggling. But honestly, that doesn’t always work either. I have been in two relationships where they have tried to step in and be a mentor or a role model for her, and that didn’t work out either.

Because I grew up living with both a mother and a father in a loving home, I don’t know how it feels to have something missing in your life. I am an only child, but I never missed having brothers and sisters. I’m stumped as to how to overcome this. She will be in the 2nd grade this Fall and will be 8 years old. I just don’t know how to explain it to her so that she will have an understanding and not be hurt. The time for hurt and tears should be later when she has the mental skills to fully process the information I have to give her. Oh by the way, he’s a liar, a cheat and a thief. How’s that for a resume for your biological father?

My thoughts turned to this topic after reading a post called Growing Up Without a Dad by Bear Haven Mama’s Tales. This mama grew up without her biological father in her life after the age of five, but she had a role model, her step-father, who was around and is now a grandfather to her children. Then, I read the post on Early Childhood News and Resources called Single Moms and Father’s Day. This mama lists ways she copes after she drops off her children at their father’s for the day. Leah Rose has no grandfathers and no role models to fill in. It’s disturbing and it breaks my heart.

So, this single mother/part-time dad is signing off with more questions than answers. A time of prayer on my knees is in order, asking forgiveness and a door to open to provide the answers that I need and the grace to come through it with dignity for both of us intact.

The Mother’s Day celebration began on Friday afternoon when Leah Rose came home with this heavy package wrapped in thick heavy paper. I opened it up, and it was a plant. I had forgotten that the school sends home a little plant for moms. This was last year’s …

Here is this year’s plant…

It reads “Mom, Your Love is Planted in My Heart”.

I couldn’t believe how fast this sprouted. It’s only been a week. Maybe I need to get out my little seed packets and the tray to get some flowers started, something I’ve been putting off.

Friday night for dinner was Leah Rose’s choice, and it was Outback. I had my usual, Victoria’s Filet, after pigging out on a Bloomin’ Onion. Those are soooo good!

Saturday morning, we got up really early and went out to my mama’s house to work on cleaning up my daddy’s sheds. This has been an ongoing project, and we are close to getting finished. But I was only able to work a couple hours because the humidity was getting up as the morning went by.

Saturday evening, we met my Mama at Longhorn’s Steakhouse, my favorite restaurant, and had a very nice meal. I tried the new Shrimp & Crab Gratin & Flo’s Filet. It was delicious. We gave Mama a $50 gift certificiate, for .. guess?… Longhorn’s!. It her favorite restaurant too.

Mama gave me a lovely card…

AND a rose bush. YAY! I’ve been wanting one for a very long time. Now I’ve got to plant it, hopefully, I can do it this weekend.

The manager from Longhorn’s stopped by our table and presented us with these coupons. Very nice touch, I thought, to give the moms there a little gift. I’ll probably be using it this weekend. LOL.

Now I’m just realizing there were no mommy and daughter pictures from the evening. I am going to have to get a good picture of the 3 of us, I just need a photographer. LOL.

My 21 year old son wasn’t able to join us because he’s a little under the weather, but that’s okay, we’ll see him soon.

Yesterday, we stopped by a friend’s house after we left my aunt’s. My friend has a 7 year old nephew, named Michael. Leah and Michael fell in love with each other, I think. They had the best time playing together and when it came time for us to leave, I had a hard time getting her to leave. She didn’t cry, but it was obvious she wanted to stay. I had to be the bad guy, of course, and say it’s “time to go”. But we did get an invite to come back today for Easter dinner. They had the best time playing together, hunting Easter eggs, and drawing and writing, and playing video games.

Today, I worked on putting up yard holiday decorations. My daughter and I were attending a church Christmas dinner tonight, so I took pictures after I put on her holiday dress. It’s unbelievable, I bought the dress she is wearing 2 years ago. I think I overdid it with the red tights, though. Should have just gone with socks, but I was worried it would be too cold later tonight. It was a nice sunny day all day, so it was a little strange putting up a snowman decoration when it wasn’t even cold. Leah Rose loves Mr. Snowman.