I am very thrilled and proud to be here. It's been a wonderful ceremony here on behalf of our own Fred "The Dorf" Dorfman! He wasn't ashamed to admit to me that he had syphilis.

When your brother is, in fact, named "Fletch," you can quote this movie back to front. "As I pulled up to my imitation apartment building I observed the Oldsmobuick of Mr. Arnold T. Pants, Esquire, attorney for the former Mrs. Erwin Fletcher. Time to use the service entrance."

• HP Envy 17-1181NR 17-inch 1080p preconfig with Core i7, Blu-ray, 6- and 9-cell batteries is only $1,215.37, free ship from Amazon. Next best is $1,418 at Newegg. Lesser spec'd base config at HP is $1250 for Core i5 without 1080p, Blu-ray, or 9-cell. And customizing to match this preconfig would cost $1,825. [Dealzon]