“In my world, I am fifteen, the age I was when I met Rachel Carr, the age I was when Rachel Carr killed herself with a tonne of painkillers and two bottles of rum.”
Julia survived a teen suicide pact: her best friend Rachel did not. Years later, Julia is introvert and insular, spiralling into depression, shrouding herself in daydreams to protect herself from reality – a controlling mother and a huge burden of guilt.

When Adam walks into her office, Julia knows he won’t be interested in her; Cat, her flirty blonde colleague, has already chosen him as her next conquest. But his presence alone is enough to shake Julia up, and make her realise real life could be so much better.

Except Cat has other plans, lurking in Julia’s imagination, torturing her, telling her she should have died too. And she’s right, of course, because Cat is always right.

Well, obviously there are several reasons, but one of them was because when I was very young I’d have dreams nightmares that felt very real. I’d be coming home from school to find my family missing, or running away in the middle of the night. I’d dream my sister ceased to exist, or that we’d been caught up in a devastating fire.

And I was terrified that my thoughts would make these things actually happen! Aged 4, I didn’t really understand that I didn’t have that kind of power.

I started to write these thoughts down, and gave the characters different names, so that they would suffer and my family would be safe.

Phew!

Fast forward to this week. I sent off my first batch of queries. And then I started to envisage the outcome.

First, I imagined signing contracts and drinking Champagne in celebration. Everyone was cheering and I was making a speech.

Argh! No! What if that causes the universe to spite me? What if that would just bring many rejections to my inbox?

Next, I pictured the rejections, a long slog through my list of agents, getting to the end.

Argh! What if that makes the rejections happen?

Logically, I know my brain still doesn’t have that kind of power, but what if…? So, now, I’m practising the art of neutral thinking, where I try not to veer too far to the positive or negative. I’m focusing on – if I really must – the agent opening my email, and…

… and nothing. I’m trying to pull myself away, panning the camera back like the closing scene of a movie while inspirational music plays and the screen goes black.

(Well, you did say you wanted to be with me for the querying process, although this might not be quite what you meant 😉 )

My novel is complete. It’s been sent for editing – the lovely Karen Sanders removed a million extraneous commas – and I’ve looked over the notes, and now it’s done. Completely and utterly done!

PHEW!

Next, I have to decide what I want to do with it. I’d like to submit it, either to an agent or to some small presses – but I’m also aware, from a career point-of-view, that it’s been almost two years since my last book was published. Some of my author friends publish more than one book a year, so I feel like I’m slacking. Although, I know I wouldn’t be able to work quicker – this book, at fifteen months and with the premise in my head for many years before that, is the quickest I’ve ever written!

I realise I’ve been pretty secretive over the whole thing. It’s a superstition thing – if I share too much, it’ll all go very wrong. So, here it is…

SMALL FORGOTTEN MOMENTS

Suffering from amnesia, artist Jo Mckye flees to her childhood home to escape her nightmares. Instead, she’s faced with a tragedy that occurred when she was younger and a stark choice.

What do you think?

So, technically, my Novel in a Year adventure has ended. Thank you for sharing it with me. I probably won’t bore you with the endless submission process, but I might mention it occasionally. And you’ll be the first to hear when and where you’ll be able to buy it 🙂

A few people have asked how my day at the Indie Pop-Up Signing in Bristol, this weekend, went. So, whenever I’m asked a question that requires more than a one-syllable reply, I blog about it 🙂

I’ve not done a signing on this scale before, so I wasn’t sure what to expect. Everyone else seemed to know each other! But I got chatting to a few authors throughout the day, and of course lots of readers.

When I’ve done small signings at my local bookshops and libraries, it’s always felt like people are actively avoiding eye-contact with me – perhaps they think I’m going to force them to buy all my books, I don’t know. But at my table, in a room of readers who wanted to talk to authors, I spoke with lots of lovely people, gave out lots of postcards and pens, and had a generally great time.

I even sold a couple of books!

Posing with Elaine…

… and Krista

The volunteers, who kept us plied with drinks and biscuits, didn’t stop all day, it seemed, dropping by regularly to check whether we needed anything.

My table – my view out (taken just as the afternoon doors were being opened), and from in front. My beautiful book stand received a lot of positive comments, too 🙂

It was a long day – busy but fun – and I slept well that night! We didn’t go straight home. We visited the Clarks Village in Street the next day and I shopped…

From a personal point of view, last year was good, yet I’m struggling to think of anything specific! I’ve just had a look back at last year’s round-up, and it was much more eventful.

I guess some years just slide along easily, moving from day to day, week to week. It doesn’t always have to be amazing, despite what social media makes us think. If you wake up happy and ready for the day ahead, and go to sleep content with what you’ve done, isn’t that enough?

2017 feels like a long year, but as you get older that’s not necessarily a bad thing – a long time between birthdays, for example, can be a relief 🙂

Personal achievements this year include:

completing my novel (well, almost, I’ve got a few more chapters to edit, and they need a lot of attention)

seeing some awesome results at the gym

not going grey yet (sometimes it’s the little things…)

On reflection, the novel took a lot of time. I wish I could write faster, or at least not need

The books beside my bed… waiting for me

so many edits and redrafts, but I’ve learned to live with it.

The downside of writing so much is that I can’t read at the same time – I realised a long time ago that I tend to absorb the style of writers I admire. When I’m in the depths of my own book, I can’t suddenly switch to someone else’s voice!

My plans for 2018 are to, once again, figure out a decent book marketing plan, say yes to more opportunities (I delayed on a decision a couple of months ago, and I’ve been kicking myself), and have as much fun as possible!

Every time I write a post for this blog, I realise how long it’s been since the last one. Instead, I’ve been novelling (yes, squiggly little red line, that is a word if I want it to be!)

Progress on the novel is still going well, but the actual details haven’t changed since the last post I wrote about it – although I can’t believe I said that after Chapter 12 everything would tick along smoothly!!

Our Three Wise Men

So it’s finally Christmas! Yay! It always takes time to get myself excited by Christmas – but once I am, I really am. This year I had some inspired present ideas for my parents, which is mostly never the case, so I’m feeling pretty proud of myself right now.

And, I’m going to give you a kind-of Christmas present too. I’m going to give you the chance to win 2 tickets to the Indie Pop-Up Signing I’m attending in Bristol, UK on 27th January.

The giveaway will be happening via my newsletter, which you can sign up to here.

Sign up before the 29th December to receive the email with the giveaway attached! Even if you can’t get to Bristol/the South West/England in January, why not sign up to the newsletter anyway? One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to giveaway more chocolate 🙂

If you celebrate Christmas, I wish you a very merry one, and Happy New Year to all of you. Thank you for reading my blog this year xx