Thursday, August 3, 2017

Oh my - its already August. Sometimes I wish time is much slower - how do time fly so fast?

The past month must be one of the hardest month of my life. I am constantly tired. I got a bit under the weather - viral flu was going around and I sorta caught on the bug a bit and was having flu problems for about 2 weeks before it goes off but alhamdulillah its just flu. Its not a full blown lun g infection like the one I had last October. Besides, I can't afford to be that ill. I remember being in the hospital for 5 days and on a constant antibiotics drip to clear off the infection - its a total nightmare. Being on a permanent medication helps I think. So yeah, that was it.

I can't be any more miserable than I already am at the moment. A lot of things is just depressing me. I go home from work every day in tears - its practically a daily thing for the past couple of weeks. When I do get home I just got so tired I took a quick shower and went to bed. At some point I think my husband got a tad worried because to him I am crying at home everyday for no reason but I suppose even if I say anything there is nothing he can do to help. The next day everything goes on repeat. Its a vicious never ending circle. I have to admit I feel helpless. Useless pun ada. Have I given up yet? No I haven't. I am still trying to endure and give the best that I can. But then at this point it felt like the best I can give is not enough. Sigh. So macam mana ni?

I am trying to keep calm though. Its not so good at the moment to be all depressed. I can't even medicate myself. Its bad enough I can't medicate myself for my physical pain - hence no painkillers to endure the back pain, headches, flu and whatnot - now I am emotionally unstable lagi la tak boleh so forget the anti-depressants and sleeping pills also la. Selalunya ada je solution. Now tahan je la.