Sunday, July 24, 2005

Was going through a friend's blog... She had written about losing a loved one. I wonder how I would react in such a situation. Is bearing the pain easier if we know the person as less as possible, be as emotionally detached from them as possible? I somehow have this sick feeling in my stomach that I'm gonna be in a highly misanthropic position if something like that happened to me.

The pain is exponentially proportional to the emotional bond shared. When you put too much emotion in something, you get much more pain. Is all this philosophy about "being-stronger-in-life-once-you-go-through-this-stuff" really true or just dog-crap? In order to avoid the pain, must I emotionally detach myself from the people I love the most. If I do that, will there be no sadness? And even there is no sadness or pain, will I have good memories to carry me through life? Can anyone even escape the infallibility and inevitability of this situation in one's own life?

What must one do?

Are there even any answers to these god-damned-fucking questions?

The heart is one hell-of-a-thingamajig... Can't live with it, can't live without. Some scars never go. Love bites. It really does. Oh yes, it really really does.

Stopped-blogging-blogger's home. Inaudible blogger loses way. Finally, everyone makes it safe and sound. One REALLY-REALLY-REEEALLLYYY PLUSH SOFA SET. MATRIX. Cigarette smoke, bowl of water as an Ashtray. Zabardast dialogues such as "What is this funda ya?" Admiration of Trinity's black spaghetti top and Morpheus's shades. End of Movie. Sleep. Wake up. Information broadcast that Rock-Guru dreamt of paying his tailor's dues. Head home. Coffee on the way.

Thanks for the good time, guys.

The thought that "I post for the heck of it just cos' I have a blog" now Rusts In Peace. Some substantial thoughts, feelings and memories included in this post. Truly substantial. I finally feel that I have finally done my blog some justice with this post... It had been quite some time since I was 'in form'. He he...

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

There are so many things in life that I find myself unable to appreciate... What is it that forces me to be like this? The feeling of worthlessness eventually creeps in... There is so little, in fact, nothing that I am truly adept at.. or at least have some mastery in... It's hard to stay motivated when people do not appreciate your work... So what then does it take to appreciate the beauty of life? Will I ever know?

Manifestation of a feeling of purposelessness and uselessness... It's hard to carry along smoothly when you do not know what part of the jigsaw puzzle of life you truly represent and who then is supposed to answer the question?

Feeling so unwanted in life... A state of an emotional blackout is residing in me... It seems as if nothing is worth my caring about... It's easy to say this but it's implications are profound... It's like... nothing brings me joy anymore... All that is left at the end of the day is apathy, exhaustion, hate, anger, and a wish to run away... It's easy to then say that I must face my problems head first rather than run away.. but the fact is the problem is unknown... If I don't know what I am running away from, I don't know what to face either... I am not looking for a solution to this... (or am I?)

It's hard to get used to life like this... when there is, inside you, a will to succeed, to live life fully, and you are denied the fulfillment, then living life is tough... For every day brings you guilt, reproach... AGAINST yourself for not having done anything substantial... and for some strange reason others seem to be doing it better. Where am I going wrong? Why must I feel this way? I guess I am probably expecting too much out of life... Silence is a heavy stone and words are poisonous venom.

Sadness consumes me...And I crossed the seven seasAnd I crossed the seven mountainsHell, I even crossed all the GalaxiesAnd travelled through all of timeAnd I died... without knowing peace

2. Total volume of music on your computer : 32GB On HDD, Another 4GB of Crap on CD's, 24 GB of Music Videos

3. The title and artist of the last CD you bought : Iron Maiden - Dance Of Death

4. Song playing at the moment : Motorhead - Orgasmotron

5. Five songs you have been listening to of late or all-time favorites, or particularly personally meaningful songs :

Balls... I'll make it 6

a. Children Of Bodom - Follow The Reaperb. In Flames - Embody The Invisiblec. Pink Floyd - High Hopesd. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsodye. Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heavenf. Iced Earth - Damien, I Died For You

These are a few of my Top-Rated songs... There are too many of em to mention...

6. The five people to whom you'll pass the 'musical baton' had I been tagged by anyone other than Succubus : Finch, Manu, Prateek, RKat, Sita (Pity them)