Exxon Develops New Boat That Runs Purely on Spilled Oil

26 August, 2013

Like a vacuum cleaner at the front, the new Exxon Crude-Burner ship needs no onboard fuel supply. It swoops across the seas, skimming spilled crude oil off the top of the waves, sending it to it's efficient crude burning engines. "It's so green, it's amazing," said Exxon Engineer Bill Bowersox. "The thing will run anywhere, thanks to all the oil we, I mean, those other companies have been spilling. That's the beauty of the modern world, there's crude oil just laying around ready to be used everywhere you go. Now you don't even need to top of your tanks."

The Crude-Burner made a voyage from Florida to Texas without using a single drop of onboard fuel, proving the usefulness of the system. And this new technology is very green, as it skims away the harmful spilled crude oil, burns it into a black smoke and releases the smoke into the air, leaving the waters a crystal clear...ish sort of blue, with a hint of all the colors of the Rainbow glimmering in the waves. "The waters are beautiful and the pollution is gone," said Bowersox. When asked about the fumes given off by burning crude oil directly, Bowersox dismissed the fumes as harmless, saying, "Well we're developing a plane to take care of that."