Just Another Day…

…made up of little things that seem inconsequential really. Still I have to remember these times, because they’ll be ammunition for when my kids are 21 and I want to embarrass them. Cos I’m nice like that.

I bought Sausage and Darlek a small bottle of Vimto (or Vomit as I call it) on the way home from school. Darlek happily drank hers, no problemo. Sausage said it was ‘spicy’ but decided he liked it when he realised he could do brilliant burps with it.

As a result the last 10 minutes of the way home were very noisy. If I had closed my eyes I could easily have pictured a sea-lion lolloping alongside me up the hill.

‘Baaarph!’ ‘Boooooaaark!’ ‘Brrrraaawph’ ‘Buuuargh’ etc etc.

I kept telling him that he’d make himself sick, but to no avail.

Darlek is acting like a teenager too, which is great. I told her she couldn’t have a sweet at 8.45pm because she was just about to go to bed. So she went to the fridge, opened it, threw the sweet in and slammed the fridge door with more than a little venom. I told her if she slammed anything like that again she’d get sent to her room immediately. So she burst into tears and I felt very guilty. I hate arguing with either of them. I slam things around when I’m annoyed so I guess she’s growing up just like mum. I reckon the next time I slam a door she’ll tell me off and tell me to go to my room, and I’ll deserve it probably. What goes around, comes around.

Last day of school today and I was supposed to pick them up at 2.30pm. At 2.45 I was drinking a leisurely cup of tea when the phone rang and a rather annoyed receptionist told me my children were still waiting to be collected. Oops. It’s definitely not just my kids who act a bit daft sometimes.

Good news! I saw my consultant yesterday and he has booked me in for an urgent flexi-sigmoidoscopy, but didn’t seem too worried about my recent symptoms. He said that urgent flexi-sigs are done by surgeons, so if I need any work doing whilst they check out my innards they can sort that for me. I’m hoping they have some good drugs because I don’t fancy being conscious whilst that’s going on. The good drugs are the only nice bit really. It’s a great excuse to get off my head and not have to worry about getting told off by my mum.

Horace has had a stinking cold but has been typically dedicated to his job and has gone in anyway. Which is admirable, although I’m still rather unsure whether or not his colleagues will appreciate him giving them a cold for Christmas. I’m sure they’d prefer a small bottle of vodka or something. But if he wants to give them mild influenza, then it’s up to him. It’s cheaper at least.

As for Christmas…well. Our Christmas tree is up and decorated. I have ordered a turkey too. There were only a few turkeys left in the shop so I had to get the smallest one, which incidentally looked like it was actually ostrich rather than turkey. I think we’ll all be a bit turkeyed-out by New Year, there’ll be tons left! I might do a series of recipe blogs, ‘Turkey a-la-fried’ ‘Turkey a-la-microwave’ ‘Turkey wrapped in turkey parcels’ ‘Turkey with added seasoned turkey’. You know when you say something too many times and it starts sounding stupid? Turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey, turkey….. (downs small glass of sherry)..tukey, turkey, toonkey…. toorkney..turkey…twoknee…tooknees..toorkee…

Anyway! I have a nice little Christmas craft tip to impart. You only need two props. A) A Christmas Tree and B) A box of Quality Street. Are you up for it?

Right, Step 1: Prise open huge tin of Quality Street. (make sure no-one else is around so you don’t have to share it)

Step 2: Eat all the caramel barrels first before anyone interrupts you. This is important. They are the nicest ones. If anyone comes in and asks where they are, say that they must have forgotten to put any in this tub and blame poor packing standards. That way you’re blameless.

Step 3: Pile the papers in front of you. Do not stop eating until you feel vaguely sick.

Step 4: Get each sparkly wrapper, nip them in the middle and squish them upwards so they look sort of like scrunched up flowers.

Step 5: Hold as many sweetie scrunched flowers as you can in both hands and lob them at the Christmas tree. Most will land on the branches and will nestle there like delightful multi-coloured decorations. Fallen Quality Street flowers blend nicely with the bits of shredded tinsel and pine needles embedded in the carpet.

This is a brilliant Christmas tip if I say so myself. I came up with this idea because I am very environmentally minded and am an avid reader of BBC Wildlife magazine and National Geographic. I care about my surroundings. So, save energy! Don’t walk to the bin, throw pretty litter at the tree instead. Recycle! Repurpose sweet wrappers as Christmas decorations. That way it will disguise exactly how many you’ve eaten too, so your partner won’t be able to sit there and look at you with that ‘I know you’ve eaten all the caramel barrels’ expression.

It’s a win / win situation.

Happy Christmas by the way. Wishing all my readers a stress free, sparkly, family friendly, chocolate filled, sherry infused, drizzly with patches of sunshine, wonderful Christmas and an even more fabulous 2013.

4 responses to “Just Another Day…”

“Ladies and gentlemen! The management and staff of this blog wish you the very best for the festive season!”
[Round of applause for Kay. Kay waves to enthusiastic readers and blows kisses. More applause. Kay curtseys and splits skirt. Thunderous applause]

gosh any excuse to be lazy and not use the bin, what are you like Mrs?? Poor children probably thought they had been abandoned for Christmas, probably had visions of a childrens home with a wicked step mum who beats them….
Hope your tests go well and look forward to hearing ore about it, knowing you in all its gory details…
Have a great time over Christmas….love to you all…xx