Be The “Best You” – You Know How To Be

What does it mean to be the best you, you can be? In my work with individuals and couples I strive to find the best in each person and to work with those parts. For many reasons, we chose to act from other parts of ourself. Perhaps we have been wronged and feel vulnerable, afraid to show the “best” parts, again for fear that they will somehow be annihilated, but when we don’t we are not living “aligned” with who we really are.

In the hustle and bustle of our buzy lives it’s difficult to find the time and energy to pay attention to these things. We often act without any real connection to our words and actions. We have gotten so used to “acting on our feelings” that we bypass the feeling part altogether and simply react, without any awareness of how we feel. We often don’t even realize that our responses are connected to our feelings. Now you may be thinking, “oh I don’t do that or that doesn’t apply to me.” But I’d encourage you to pay attention to why you say what you say, and to why you do what you do. Slow down conversations and really think about what you are feeling before you speak, or better yet after the person you are conversing with speaks.

Are you resonding to how you feel when your partner says “why didn’t you…?” Or are you aware that you feel criticized (for example) when your partner asks why you didn’t… Are you aware that when you feel criticized you defend yourself by (for example) pointing out all of the things you asked your partner to do?

Being the best you, you can be, means slowing down a bit and gaining awareness of your responses, of who you are and how you want to be. It means figuring out who the “best you” is. Who are you at the core? List your best qualities. Better yet write a list of who you were as a child? The way you were when you came into this world. If you have children this list will be easier (they often have traits very similar to their parents). Next, write about what gets in your way of being that person now? Are you afraid? Do you feel vulnerable, silly, embarrassed? Do you feel unheard or misunderstood?

Try getting in touch with “the best you?” Start by asking yourself “if I was going to act from the best in me right now, what would I say or do?” It might not come naturally at first and you might annoy people by not answering when they would like you to, but I encourage you to give it a shot and see what happens. I’m thinking that the person you’re practicing this with will appreciate the delay in conversation when they realize what you are doing. It’s a real comfort to know there are “best” parts in you and to get reacquainted with those parts.