Tag: washington

We make a lot of money talking about the truth on Lebal Drocer, Inc. Radio HATE at chronicle.su after-hours. Thursday we talked about aliens with accomplished author Kilgore Trout, an expert on aliens and the paranormal who is currently laboring over the Internet Anti-Hero Handbook (tentatively titled). He explained the possibility that extraterrestrials are either too small, nimble or by some other means imperceptible. Tyler Bass, renowned Washington journalist and Capitalist, indicated the Roswell crash was a false flag cover-up. Beefrave concurred that the United States Government may very well be encouraging the promulgation of UFO conspiracies.

WASHINGTON–Now that Santorum is doing a bunch of stuff, people are literally shitting themselves with excitement as TV news screens flood living rooms with something besides missing white girls. So we’ve decided to take a closer look at the diversion known as campaign politics to see what all the pretend fuss is about. [In {un}related news, there is an uprising in Syria being facilitated – or perhaps suppressed, we don’t know – by Russian forces.WTF ARE YOU LOOKING AT–READ THE FUNNY STORY BELOW . FORGET THIS]

1. Non-whites can be American too

We can agree that English should be the national language but where Santorum departs from his Republican constituents is on the issue of whether Americans should be white. To good Christians such as ourselves, the answer is a resounding “YES!” but Mr. Santorum, perhaps by design, is being a tad generous to non-whites by not calling them out for being part of an unAmerican race.

2. College is for snobs

It’s no secret that anti-intellectualism is on the decline in America, so we’re happy to see Santorum standing up to the dreamers. It is truly disgusting that my neighbors, or my children think they deserve better than what circumstances allotted me: a life of alcoholism and watching prime time television. Hey, I didn’t choose to be this way, but I’m happy. What’s college going to do for you that Jeopardy don’t do for me? There’s a reason America doesn’t manufacture anymore, and it’s because we got to many educated motherfuckers running around with they dicks in they hands. Well done, Mr. President-to-be!

3. “John F. Kennedy’s religion speech was wrong.”

You’re god damn right it was. In February (Slack history month), Santorum made headlines after he told reporters John F. Kennedy’s religion speech made him want to “throw up.”

Santorum wants privatization of industry, not faith. With Obamacare this, and bailout that, American people don’t know who to believe anymore. And without the Bible, I guess they’re just not allowed to believe anything, thanks to John F. Kennedy, President of Marxism.

Time and time again, we’re going to see Santorum bravely standing up to people without religion, whose ambivalent belief systems are “as dangerous as the wars they also don’t believe in,” according to Santorum.

“It’s like saying, ‘Go to Hell, Jesus.'”

Mrs. Karen Santorum, a trustworthy source of santorum

"Go to Hell, Jesus!"

4. Birth control is morally wrong

First of all, Santorum should not be taking flak for this: birth control is disgusting – FACT – Artificial contraception deprives the miracle of life to every rope of come, regardless of whether it contained the sperm that would later cure cancer, solve the debt crisis, create another debt crisis, become president, assassinate the president, smoke weed in its parents basement forever, or all of the above, including future Popes and Jesus II.

If you think you’re doing that girl any favors by pulling out, you’re dead wrong. It doesn’t matter what the woman says, if you’re going to come, there’s going to be a baby in nine months; end of story.

“We don’t budge on this issue.”

Chronicle.su executive editor Media Mogul, High Command

5. No corporate taxes for manufacturers

America has gotten too comfortable with her high standard of living. A cushy $7.55 minimum wage has turned an entire generation into Communist entitlement babies. Economy is becoming America’s number one issue.

“Now that twelve hours per week is considered part-time,” boasted Border’s Books Senior Executive Mike Flannahy, “my employees are practically drowning in pure economy, especially now that we pay them completely in copper pennies. It makes it seem like a lot more than they’re really getting.”

If Santorum can stop taxing large corporations, then it is estimated by his finance committee CEOs and shareholders will donate major portions of their free-flowing profits to social programs such as public schools and transit systems, “as a thank you, because , God bless America.”

That gray-haired fellow is absolutely right.

While I don’t agree with his decision to name people specifically (note: I don’t care who he actually named), I find it difficult to disagree with this man on all but one issue. The notion that politically-minded Americans willing to give campaign contributions to honest politicians will somehow outweigh the collective corporate dollar is, like Paul Jay suggested, Utopian. It’s just so far from realistic that we could give enough money to enough candidates to turn the tides against the forces that be (and cheat to exist).

It was so funny (creepy) to me when campaign people came by my house seeking campaign contributions on behalf of Obama, after it was already so clear that he had the best media team in the Presidential history. How is that? Lotsa fucken money, folks. More than all of us put together could ever have come up with in order to stop him.

And it’s a well-known fact of politics, as well as the main reason people hate and distrust Washington, that corporations have a lot of money they’re willing to spend on people they know will protect their interests – and there are sleazy assholes willing to betray their countrymen by accepting it (and still can somehow sleep at night). Well, it’s nice to see someone stating it so poignantly and my only hope is this kind of articulation becomes mainstream. How that will happen without “big media” – or without big media hijacking the movement is beyond the scope of my imagination.

Please, Gods of Reason. Rescue us all from this sea of shit, and get me off the boat of feces. Or, stand up and think for yourselves, America. But don’t look to me; for even as a man of peace, I see no peaceful resolution.

Imperial March music plays in the background. It is rumored that Hamas has infiltrated the protest group and plans to bring down Democracy from the inside out. This is why the Public Works Department is fining the ANSWER Coalition into the ground.

tyler bass: protesters en route to Halliburtonthousands of people march down the streetA drum circle settles the angry crowds.this guy with the "kill the bill" sign was a Ron Paul supporter, and a 9/11 Truther who believes the World Trade Center was rigged with explosives and fell due to a controlled explosion and not the airplanes crashing into buildings

On the WTC, our reporter asked this man, who is a Ron Paul supporter and a 9/11 Truth Movement…advocate-guy, “Ron Paul said he doesn’t believe there were bombs in the World Trade Center.”

He responded, “[He has] to say that because he’s a politician.”

To which we asked, “Why are you going to vote for someone who’s just gonna lie to get elected?”

The Islamic holocaust.

Indict the previous president for what's happening now. It's all his fault.

if you look closely, you can see Al Qaeda

Roughly five or six thousand people attended the protest rally to march.

A few people were arrested or detained. Earlier in the day, a group of people belonging to Iraq Veterans Against War (IVAW) tried to put down a mud stencil on the sidewalk. The police got mad about it and cited a statute under D.C. law that you can’t put out a mud stencil. Protesters were no longer allowed near that area.

Wayne Brauer and Matthieux Chiraux were detained. Cindy Sheehan was arrested for who knows how many times in a row. She’s planning to camp somewhere, too.

Nader showed up but would not speak to reporters. At least not Elf Wax reporters.

Ramsey Clark, Saddam Hussein’s attorney was present but also would not speak to us.

Everett, Wash.–An Everett-area ginger kid died Monday from suffocation after being buried alive by his playmates in a backyard sandbox.

Mainstream media implies that the cartoon Naruto “may be to blame” without citing any actual evidence as such, and without acknowledging that this 10-year-old boy may have never been taught or intuited on his own that people can not breathe under sand, which is almost always composed of millions of very small grains of sediment and rock.

In an interview conducted by a shoddy corporate-owned local newspaper with no allegiance to the truth or decency, Cody’s family members described him as imaginative and smart, despite the fact that he just died from being buried under a foot of sand.

Sensitive readers are asked to read the following with caution: Codey’s half-brother, Josh Quantrille describes the gruesome details of how little Codey’s death-scheme came to fruition. “They watch a cartoon where there were like sandmasters or something. They can manipulate sand or something like that,” said Quantrille. “He came up with an idea if he were to do this, then he would be able to be one of them. They’re all under 10, so a pretty crazy imagination, you know. They were like hey, OK.”

Josh Quantrille, 30, said the boy was “Really articulate. He’s got a really good imagination too. He’s just not a regular 10-year-old.” Unfortunately, Cody’s imagination failed him Saturday morning when he did not imagine himself standing up out of the sand as it was pouring into every hole in his little face and he could no longer breathe, see or swallow.

Everett, a small, hick abscess of a community located in what would otherwise be a beautiful Washington countryside has lost its brightest upcoming citizen and many of the area’s parents are too stupid and inbred to know how to talk to their own children about it.

That is why Patricia Gauksheim, the principal of Silver Firs Elementary School has sent a letter home so that parents could be informed and prepared for the upcoming precarious talks with their persistently inquisitive children. “It’s a well-known fact that children who ask questions are children who don’t get buried headfirst under sand,” she said, “so we want parents to be armed with knowledge to salvage what scrapple is left at the bottom of the class.” Those quotes are fabricated, because the truth makes this paragraph funnier. It should be noted that this same principal also described Codey as “bright” with “a lot of friends” – friends who, when Codey began thrashing about from asphyxiation, laughed and assumed he was “just playin’.” The contents of the letter, burdened with typos and fart-jokes, vaguely describe what happened to Codey yesterday and how to talk to the children about it. Nevermind the fact that the children will be taking the letter home themselves, in their own hands.

One parent is quoted as saying, “I have a third grader at home, so he’s going to come home with some information. So certainly, the need to edit, filter, and hear what he thinks about what he heard is important.” Of course. Because without dedicated parents like this one, children may grow up to think for themselves, thereby doubling the effects of this ginger tragedy.

The school has reported the establishment of a grief-counseling center to help children and teachers alike get over the fact that they knew someone so ignorant as Codey, the Sandmaster.

The Porter family has come to terms with the notion that the only valuable aspect to Codey’s biological spawning into this cruel, sandy world was the usefulness of his organs so they are giving them away to more intelligent people who deserve to prosper. His little, freckled body is being pillaged for kidneys, eyeballs, a heart and a liver as you read this.

The money-grubbing Porter family has also established a “Memorial Fund” for the boy set up through, you guessed it: a church. We won’t bother you with links and names, because religion is a sham and a crutch for the weak-minded, much like the supposed necessity of a memorial fund for a boy who died such an unforgettable death.

Besides, certain internet groups have already attached to this and are hitting them full force with prank calls, sandmaster jokes, emails, and letters of indignation.