Dec 16, 2012

Looks like Mohamed won't say anything for a while, so might as well go and make myself a sandwich.

I am surprisingly OK with this! Why am I OK with this??

I've been carrying this secret with me for as long as I remember, and it ate me up for years now. I have finally set it free, and I do not feel suffocated anymore.

The minutes tick away slowly as Mohamed stands there dumbfounded.

Okaay, I think someone needs to say something right about...now.

Anything.

I can actually hear birds and traffic in my head as I await Mohamed's response to my declaration.

I can also hear the sound of celebrations coming from Asha's house.

Asha!

I have never thought about how this could affect her, not once! I was so consumed with my panic attack, that I COMPLETELY forgot about how Asha must be feeling right now!

I was supposed to be over at their house an hour ago, and instead of at least showing up__I am in my flat.

She will never forgive me for this. No lady will ever forgive a man who stands her up.

"Mohamed, I know you are still in shock from the revelation but I really need to show up for Asha." I stand up to make a move.

"But__" Mohamed struggles to find his words, but I know what he is thinking.

"I just want to show up that's all. I haven't thought about how it would make Asha look bad by me not showing up." I try to put his mind at ease about the situation.

"I suppose," he murmurs, avoiding my gaze.

Let the slaughter begin.

The looks.

The "I can't even look at you".

The "Do not even think about coming near me, let alone speak to me".

Let it all begin, I am ready.

But I have to fix the mess I got Asha in first, and then I will be out of her life for good In Shaa Allah.

If her brother's reaction is any indication of how Asha will react, then I know for sure that getting out of her life is the best option.

I'll just have to.

Plus, I am praying to Allah that Asha will still accept me regardless.

As soon as this is over, I will go back to praying at night like I used to.

I will go back to my midnight prayers In Shaa Allah. I just can't stop trying. I have finally found someone who is crazy and funny enough to be my wife, and I won't stop trying until she says yes.

I have to try.

In Shaa Allah.

Asha

I was so engrossed in my prayer, that no sound or noise coming from the living managed to distract me from my prayer.

"O Allah! I seek goodness from Your Knowledge and with Your Power (and Might) I seek strength, and I ask from You Your Great Blessings, because You have the Power and I do not have the power.

You Know everything and I do not know, and You have knowledge of the unseen. Oh Allah! If in Your Knowledge that marrying Hamid (which I intend to do) is better for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here [in this world] and the hereafter then make it destined for me and make it easy for me and then add blessings in it, for me.

O Allah! In Your Knowledge if this action is bad for me, bad for my religion and faith, for my life and end (death), for here (in this world) and the hereafter then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and whatever is better for me, ordain (destine) that for me and then make me satisfied with it."

I must have repeated this Duaa six or seven times, before I was finally calm and my soul satisfied.

Tears of relief threaten to flood my face, and I try my hardest to hold them back but they come anyway.

All of a sudden I hear the sound of ululations coming from the living room, and I wipe my tears with my hands.

Is he here? I open my door to catch a glimpse of what is happening, and I see him.

He looks so nervous, surrounded by my entire family. I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember that he is an HOUR late.

Do you know what? I'm just going to stay in my room and HE has to wait an hour now.

Yes, I am childish like that, thank you very much.

Subhan Allah though, I feel happy that he turned up. Not because I was afraid of how I might look in front of my family and friends, but I am actually__happy

I cannot explain it except, do you know that feeling you get when the weather finishes snowing and then calmness bestows?

The "I can hardly hear anything except the sound of my breathing".

That calmness is what I'm feeling right now. Every sound is drowned out. I can only feel calm.

I mean I am still mad, but I am also happy! I cannot explain it!

A knock on the door brings me back to reality.

"Asha come out, Hamid is here," comes the voice of Khadija, as she enters my room before I allow her to.

Honestly, Khadija is becoming a typical married lady. I think I'm going to cry!

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comments:

This was awesome, and i loved the fact that you wrote the Dua of salatul istikhara, it was beautifull masha Allah. Nice chapter, I am excited for the next chapter as always :) Keep the good work sister.

omgggggg............................... aaaaaaaaah! words cannot explainnnn!!! i cant wait for the next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this one was awesomeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that is all? Is this what u r making us wait for two weeks? Y is all your writings so small? And why so much time in the between? Its dragging for so so long. I think i am waiting for this story to finish. Its not good anymore.

i love how you connect us to Allah in the chapters and the fact that u reply to all comments.. May Allah give u a beautiful life in this world and the next for making us laugh this way where we are also thinking of Allah. May you find peace from your husband and children and be a source of peace to your parents. Ameen

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