Interlude ת: Trump

Want to feel old? The span of time between Saddam Hussein’s death and now is longer than between now and when 1/3 of the sea becomes blood.— @GateOfHeavens

I.

The 2016 Republican primaries went the way any nominative determinist would have predicted. The guy named Walker left early. The guy named Bush got mowed down. The guy named Rand ran as a libertarian. The guy named Cruz (Latin, meaning “cross”) ran on a platform of evangelical Christianity. The guy named Marco (Latin, meaning “warlike”), ran on a platform of neoconservative imperialism. The guy named Benjamin (Hebrew, meaning “son of my right hand”) ran on a platform laid out in his book Clever Hands.

And the guy named Trump beat all of them.

Things were hardly more subtle on the Democratic side. Bernie connected his first name with fire early on, eg “Feel The Bern”; his surname derives from Greek Alexander, “defender of man”. Put together, we get “defender of the fired man”, eg a supporter of the unemployed and underemployed. But Hillary Clinton, named for Sir Edmund Hillary (whose own name combines “hill” and “aerie”, two words for high places) quickly climbed to the top. She became the clear favorite after narrowly defeating Sanders in Iowa, a state granted disproportionate power in Presidential elections presumably because its name is the Tetragrammaton.

The general election followed a similar pattern. Seemingly unconcerned with Genesis 4:5, Clinton chose a man named Kaine as her vice-president; seemingly unconcerned with nominative determinism, she chose a man named Mook to run her campaign. Meanwhile, Trump relied increasingly on the public relations machine of the mainstream Republican Party and its leader Reince Priebus – whose name, if you remove the vowels after the Hebrew fashion, becomes “RNC PR BS”.

And so on October 15, a week after Trump was seen on video to brag about “grabbing women by the pussy”, the staff of the Stevensite Standard met at Ithaca for a very special election issue.

II.

Erica was doing typesetting. Ana was working on a column about why a just God could possibly have allowed the 2016 election. I was taking a break from my work to explain to Ally that “P” and “F” were the same letter in Hebrew, so that Trump’s VP pick Pence corresponded to “fence” and so the general theme of wall-building. Bill Dodd cut me off.

“Look,” he said, “all this is stupid. You can draw as many connections as you like, but you’ve got the same problem as every other kabbalist. You can interpret the past, but you can’t predict the future.”

“Only God knows the future,” I said.

“Then what’s the point? In retrospect, you can say that Pence equals fence and so of course he would be associated with wall-building. But if it had been Jeb Bush who chose him, you’d connect it to the British word for penny, and say that the name represents his pro-business ideology. If Chris Christie had won, you’d connect it to Latin “pons”, meaning bridge, and from there to Bridgegate. If Ben Carson had won, you’d have gone with French “pensee”, meaning “thought”, and connected it to his quiet thoughtful nature and intelligence. And something like this has to be true. If it only made sense in light of Trump, you could use the asymmetry to conclude that only Trump could pick Mike Pence, and so predict the future.”

“Only God knows the future,” I repeated. “Sometimes God grants us tiny glimpses, through the kabbalah, but for humans to be able to grasp it clearly and consistently isn’t part of His plan.”

“Even a tiny glimpse should help you make millions on the betting markets, given enough time,” Bill protested. “But no kabbalists even try. Why not?”

“Okay,” I said. “Fine. I bet you right here, right now, that I can predict the outcome of this election, using the secret interconnectedness of the universe.”

“How much?” asked Bill.

“Does it matter? Twenty dollars.”

“Fine. Fifty dollars. What’s the election result, O Rabbi?”

“I don’t know,” I said.

“You don’t know?”

“I need to consult the universe.”

“And how, O Rebbe, are you going to do that?”

“Simple. I’ll close my eyes and pick a book off the bookshelf, then use it to deduce the election result.”

“You’re saying that God will guide you to a book that happens to predict the 2016 presidential election?”

“No, I’m saying all books predict the 2016 presidential election. There is only one structure in the universe, distort it however many times you may. Any story you like is the same story. The Bible. Huckleberry Finn. The 2016 Presidential election. They’re all the same.”

“Tell you what. Pick a book off the bookshelf, and if it’s about the fricking presidential election, I’ll give you $50 right now.”

I closed my eyes, approached one of Ithaca’s several shelves, picked the first book my hand fell on.

I was holding a copy of C. S. Lewis’ The Lion, The Witch, And The Wardrobe.

“Trump,” I said.

“What?”

“Trump’s going to win the election.”

“How do you know?” asked Erica.

“The lion represents Trump. He’s big and predatory and has a mane of golden hair. Heck, even the political cartoonists have got this one; they’ve been drawing the theme of the lion attacking the elephant all year. The witch represents Hillary. She’s a powerful but widely-disliked old woman.”

“…and so, since the lion defeats the witch in the end, Trump is going to win the election?” asked Eli Foss.

“At least let me finish my explanation! The wardrobe is the Presidency. Everything about the executive branch is wardrobe-themed. The Cabinet. The various Bureaus. So The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe is a book about Trump, Hillary, and the Presidency.”

“…and so Trump beats Hillary because Aslan…”

“Hold your horses! Narnia corresponds to America. We know this because a bunch of English people get in a big wooden container and end up in a freezing forested land far away that they know nothing about. That’s basically the story of how America was founded in the first place. The four children represent the four great English migrations to the New World – read Albion’s Seed.”

“Albion’s Seed,” interrupted Ana. “And in four parts. Wow. William Blake really was right about everything.”

“Anyway,” I continued, “We’ve got America, menaced by the White Witch – here meaning leftism in general and Hillary in particular. In Lewis’ legendarium, the White Witch has betrayed her people by using a magic spell called ‘the Deplorable Word’; Hillary betrays her people by using the word ‘deplorable’ to describe them. In Lewis’ time, the word ‘Turk’ was a metonymy for all Muslims, as it was almost two centuries earlier when Blake wrote about loving ‘Christian, Turk, and Jew’. So the White Witch luring Edmund by promising him of Turkish Delight corresponds to Hillary luring the American people by promising benefits from increased Muslim immigration. Enter Aslan. Trump is the only person who can stand up to Hillary and her liberal wizardry.”

“But Trump is hopeless,” objected Erica. “Even his own party have abandoned him. He’s behind by like ten percent in the polls.”

“Yes, in accordance with the prophecy. Remember, in the book, Aslan is tied to a stone table and killed. His supporters are left hopeless. The White Witch’s victory seems assured. What are polls but tables of numbers? Trump is being slaughtered in the polls, but he’s going to make an impossible comeback.”

“I thought Aslan being slaughtered on the Stone Table was supposed to be a metaphor for the death and resurrection of Christ,” said Zoe Farr.

“No, American Pie is a metaphor for the death and resurrection of Christ,” I corrected.

“What?”

“I’ll explain later. The point is, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe tells the story of the confrontation between Trump and Clinton, how Clinton’s promises of a more diverse society are originally attractive, how Trump loses everything according to the polls, and how he makes an astonishing comeback at the end. Now give me my fifty bucks.”

“Trump hasn’t won yet,” Bill protested.

“That was your first bet,” I said. “Then you said you’d give me fifty dollars if the first book I took off the shelf was about the 2016 Presidential election. Which it was.”

“I never carry bills with me. Remember? I’m a germaphobe. You have no idea what kind of stuff is on money. There was a study a few years ago that said the entire US money supply was laced with cocaine.”

“You’re making excuses,” said Erica.

“No, it’s true,” I said.

“You saw the study too?” said Bill, barely believing his luck.

“No, but it’s the first principle of kabbalah. There is crack in everything.”

III.

Upon Obama’s election, I had commented that a Lovecraft poem beginning “And at the last, from Inner Egypt…” seemed to predict that he would be the final President. I was wrong. The prophecy was overruled by a higher authority, the Bible itself, which simply says (1 Corinthians 15:52) “At the last, Trump”.

The word King James’ scholars translated as “trump” is Greek salpinx / Hebrew shofar, which receives various other English translations in different verses. If we interpret it to mean Trump each time, we get all sorts of other interesting prophecies. For example, Isaiah 27:13 says that in the day of “a great Trump”, there “shall come those which were ready to perish in the land of Assyria”, which is a clearer description of Iraqi refugees trying to enter the country than you would have expected from someone living in 600 BC.

But really, you don’t need to bring out the big guns to figure this stuff out. Trump’s presidency went the way any nominative determinist would have predicted. The guy named Price vowed to make healthcare affordable. The guy named Sessions inspired endless congressional hearings. The guy named Spicer made press conferences a lot more interesting. And the guy named Bannon ordered a ban on people he didn’t like.

And in the end, the new administration managed to outperform everyone’s expectations: it lasted an entire four months before the apocalypse descended in fire and blood upon America and the world.

Albion’s Seed. It’s so retrospectively obvious. So we could probably work out correspondences between Pevensies, migrations to the U.S., Zoas, characters in SCABMOM, cardinal points and Archangels. Any other sets of four kicking around? The Cometspawn maybe?

* Four (known) breakaway nations of the Untied States of America: The California Republic, the Texas Republic, the Salish Free State, and Royal Colorado
* Four powers in Europe: The UK, Neue Hansa, the European Communion, and the Cyrillic Union
* Four great powers of the world: The Harmonious Jade Dragon Empire, the Cyrillic Union, the Untied States, and Hell

Also

* Four elements of Water, Air, Earth, Fire
* Four great enemies of the Nazi Reich (UK, US, USSR, and France), and four occupation zones of Germany after the war’s end
* Four Arab nations forming doomed unions (Egypt + Syria = United Arab Republic, Jordan + Iraq = Arab Federation of Iraq and Jordan)
* Four conflicting states of the 6-day war (Israel, Jordan, Egypt, Syria)

I hereby kabbalistically predict that the fourth book of UNSONG will be named Job. While Revelations speaks about an Apocalypse yet to come, Job speaks about an Apocalypse that happens (a personal apocalypse of one man, at that, but we know that everything is interconnected, and plagues, fire, blood and death do play out their respective roles). In the book of Job, God gives Satan a free reign over one man and his family, and lets Satan visit various tribulations upon him, but then there is a (sorta) happy end and a final figuring out of things related to theodicy. And then there is the point that Job refuses to curse God’s name until the end, which should be symbolic of something. And yeah, it’s an anachronistic order of the books, but maybe it’s one of those news – NESW things.

I think you mean 22 interludes. Unless you somehow expect two three more, but I’m not sure how they’d be indexed (maybe ךףןם?).
(Actually, the fact that there are now just 21 interludes, since פ and צ got folded together, is concerning).

The original “Hallelujah” song has four verses. The three books are so far using the first three verses from that version. Here is how the original fouth verse goes:

I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though
It all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah.

Judging by the firts person narrative, and the way the story seems to be going, I would say the verses are quite fit for a conclusion.

I dunno, 3 books would make sense. There are 3 volumes in the Zohar: one on Genesis, one on Exodus, and one on the last three books in the Torah combined. doesn’t that fit Scott’s Genesis, Exodus, Revelations?

it lasted an entire four months before the apocalypse descended in fire and blood upon America and the world.

So the apocalypse mentioned in the first chapeter is literal, not metaphorical. How depressing. The world came so close to destruction when Aaron took that Peyote; it’s a shame it will be destroyed after all.

Is this tacit confirmation that Aaron is writing this from Brimstone Acres (pleasant villa in Hell reserved for the worst sinners), as predicted in my fan theory/fever dream in the comments to The Broadcast?

Also: What happened to Obama? Did he quietly step down? Isn’t he supposed to be a demon?

Chapter 43 wasn’t worldbuilding. It was foreshadowing. Either the KCBMs get fired off, or some other Name of Wrathful grade or higher is spoken. (Maybe someone discovers, and fatally misuses, the Explicit Name?) leading to the city in flames seen in Chapter 43’s ‘cover art’, as well as “the apocalypse descend[ing] in fire and blood upon America and the world” seen here.

In 2008 Dick Cheney declined to pursue a third term due to his failing health. A delegation of the nation’s civic and religious leaders entered the National Archives after several days’ fasting and purification and, after lifting the Shroud upon the Constitution, declared that the proper thing to do in this sort of situation was to hold an election.

I’m pretty sure that just means they literally lifted the shroud on the copy in the National Archives and peeked at it, not that they unshrouded it generally.

Especially since this part implies it’s still shrouded:

Some people vaguely remembered that before it was Shrouded the Constitution had received an amendment saying something about a medical examination to make sure the president was human.

General theory: This story ends in a massive Dues ex machina. It already has an archangel running a machine simulating the world, and all they need is for God to fix it.
(This seems like something someone’s probably thought of before me).

Greco-Biblical pedantry: σάλπιγξ is salpinx rather than salpigx, for the same reason that ἄγγελος is angelos, i.e. probably just to annoy barbarians. I was going to say that the reference should be to 1 Corinthians, but it turns out there is no 15:52 in 2 Corinthians, so I suppose it’s unambiguous! Aaron is just efficient like that.

The thing is, “there is only one pattern, every event that happens is encoded within every other event” works both ways.

On the one hand, it means you can pull a book off a shelf at random and use it to retroactively ‘predict’ something that you know happened.

On the other hand, it means you can take a given book and use it to retroactively ‘predict’ ANYTHING that you know happened. Because there is only one pattern. If nothing is ever a coincidence, then any one pattern encodes all possible events, not just the ones that actually occur.

The only question is what iteration you choose to stop at. Do you stop at “Dorothy goes home, the master manipulator is on the throne?” Or do you stop at “The master manipulator is unmasked and forced to reveal himself as a fraud, giving out gifts to the people?”

No, Dorothy is left behind by the Wizard when he escapes by hot air balloon and has to be told how to escape Oz by Glinda, though accounts to differ if Glinda is the witch of the United States who comes to Dorothy’s aid or the Confederate ones which Dorothy must brave to reach her.

The story is about how a gender-balanced group of WASPs conquor the world, so obviously the Democrats will win.

The White Witch is obviously Trump. White Witch said the Deplorable Word that cause the apocalypse, while Trump said some deplorable words that caused people to think he’d cause the apocalypse; she ensnared Edmund (a white male) by talking about Turkish Delight, just as Trump ensnared people by talking about Turks; her palace is filled with stoned people, signalling that he’ll have the support of libertarians. She ultimately loses because she doesn’t understand Deeper Magic (just as Trump doesn’t understand politics), and so foolishly attempts to strike down her enemy just as it would make them more powerful; just as Trump [insert Trump being Trump about something and subsequently losing the election here.]

Meanwhile, the Pevencies’ followers claim that their coming was prophesied, just as Hillary voters claimed that her winning was foretold; specifically, it’s foretold because they’re “sons of Adam”, relatives of the first rulers of Narnia, who were also human (as seen in The Magician’s Nephew); it was Clinton’s “time” because she had the same surname as a previous President. Aslan represents not the Christian God per se but the concept of belief, as it’s revealed in The Last Battle that he accepts true faith regardless of religion; thus Trump, who lies constantly and doesn’t believe in anything, was obviously destined to fail without his support.

The story ends with the battle-hardened Pevencies forgetting their home, then passing through the Cabinet and losing all their powers; just as Clinton (going by Obama here) would have forgotten all her promises and been stymied by the Senate.

I think Trump would have won in the story regardless of who won in the real world — Chapter 37 almost explicitly says that the apocalypse came under Trump and it came out months before Scott could have possibly known for sure the results of the elections in our world.

Well, the lemma is equivalent to the axiom of choice, and this has proven somewhat controversial. So maybe the name implies the potential quarrels between adherents to the axiom of choice and the people rejecting it?

Not for lack of trying! Seeing that somebody had to stop Trump, he hatched the cunning plan of going down in flames and taking Trump with him. So he said Trump has small hands, “and you know what they say about men with small hands!”

As planned, Rubio went down in flames, shining perhaps like a ruby.

Trump completely fell for it: he loudly defended the size of his hands and everything else in no uncertain terms. Hilarity ensued, Hillary did not: Trump really could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue without losing so much support that Comey couldn’t reverse things.

Rubio set Trump on fire, Trump burned and is still burning, but like the burning bush he doesn’t burn down…

I am pretty sure that the etymology in “Alexander” is “fighter”, not “friend”.

Sort of in between. The verb ἀλέξω is usually glossed as ‘to ward [off] [from]’. “Defender of men” is still a fair gloss though, and he could still be described as protecting the people from the oligarchy.

Question: do we know the wording of the prophecy that the Cometspawn will die cursing their father’s name? Does it say “their father’s name” or “the Comet King’s name”? Meaning, does it necessarily refer to their earthly father, or could it just as easily refer to God? Or a priest for that matter?

Both Cruz and Marco are Spanish names that do ultimately come from Latin (crux, Marcus). But you’re right that they’re not Latin directly and something like “from a Latin word meaning ….” would be more accurate.

I don’t mean something more extreme than the apocalypse, I mean something more extreme than any of the listed pre-apocalypse facts about Trump’s inner circle. I think I agree with The Coment King’s point below that it doesn’t really matter because of the Unsong timeline’s elastic correlation with the real one.

That article actually says it’s untrue and doesn’t mince words about it – what we don’t know is if Clinton lied or if she actually believed the anachronistic story her mother had told her “to inspire greatness”.

…not that the nominative determinism doesn’t work anyway. After all, NIAC.

I’m really wondering what this chapter would have looked like if Hillary had won. Like, I suppose you could still find interesting connections, but I feel like the apocalypse joke wouldn’t be as funny.

Isaiah 27:13 says that in the day of “a great Trump”, there “shall come those which were ready to perish in the land of Assyria”, which is a clearer description of Iraqi refugees trying to enter the country than you would have expected from someone living in 600 BC

I thought it referred to all the heroin addicts, doing what I don’t know yet

TV broadcasting had stopped working sometime around the mid-1980s, before I was born. A victim of the general if weirdly non-uniform decay in technology and the physical laws that supported it. The Internet still worked, but for reasons no one had been able to figure out it couldn’t handle video or audio, even though the programmers swore back and forth that it ought to be easy. The only visual technology that still ran consistently – besides old-fashioned film reels – was VHS tapes.

Which is by itself bizarre because VHS players are possibly the fiddliest most fragile consumer electronics ever; they carefully wind the tape around a drum with four heads in it rotating at high speed. They really do not need the shattering of all of reality to help them stop working.