The Warm-Up: Leo Messi, Neymar and Liverpool's frivolous appeal

Plus: Roy Hodgson is back, and so are the Vines!

WEDNESDAY’S BIG STORIES

The Chaaaaaaaaaampions... are hopelessly overmatched

Ah, Champions League football. Europe’s finest tactical brains locked in a tense game of three-dimensional chess.

Which is presumably why the first eight games of the group stage threw up scorelines including 3-0, 0-5, 3-0, 6-0 and 3-0.

As romantic as the notion of guaranteeing national champions more places may be, it also produces some woeful mismatches, as anyone who witnessed Qarabag’s group stage bow will attest.

The Warm-Up has a funny feeling that this goal will end up as Davide Zappacosta’s defining contribution for Chelsea.

Manchester United were good in their 3-0 win over Basel. Good enough, in fact, to earn a patented Mourinho public bollocking after a win. Always a sign of a job well done.

And, after a summer of turbulence at Barcelona, let’s all remember that they still have Leo Messi.

Renaissance Roy’s return

Remember when people considered Roy Hodgson football’s ultimate renaissance man?

Someone who has managed everywhere from Sweden to Switzerland to Italy, speaks half a dozen languages and – get this – actually reads books.

But certain events – by which we mean the invention of Vine and losing to Iceland – caused Hodgson’s public persona to shift dramatically. Now he’s just that out-of-touch old man with the bemused half-smile.

Sweden, Switzerland, Italy... Croydon. Hodgson’s progressively less adventurous job appointments have given his career the look of someone spending 40 years spreading their wings in reverse.

So it’s entirely fitting that his (possibly) final appointment takes him back to his home borough and Crystal Palace.

What will he bring? Well, the prevailing wisdom that Hodgson will “get them organised” rather misses the point.

Should we assume that Frank De Boer’s Ajax team that won four consecutive Eredivisie titles wasn’t organised?

De Boer was organising Palace – just not in a way that suited the players or a board unwilling to wait more than four games for the Total Football revolution to take hold.

We mention this only because Liverpool’s appeal against Sadio Mane’s ban seems to bear all the hallmarks of frivolity.

Mane basically maimed an opponent.

Liverpool’s defence rested on the irrelevant assertion that Mane didn’t mean to maim an opponent – ignoring that it’s quite possible to commit dangerous play without intent.

Jurgen Klopp admitted the appeal was “a waste of time”.

Said Klopp:

" It was our duty to appeal. We did it and, as I said after the game, it was a waste of time obviously."

Obviously.

IN OTHER NEWS

Yet another Adam Hurrey find. Here’s Roy Hodgson hiding from a monster in a 1960s comedy. No, we have absolutely no idea either.

ZEROES AND HEROES

Zero: Anthony Ralston

Sure, it’s good to show a bit of pluck when confronted by the world’s most expensive player. But Ralston’s gobshitery would mean a lot more if Celtic hadn’t been on the end of an absolute shoeing from PSG. This is the pound shop version of Scott Brown kicking Barcelona players.

Hero: Neymar

And not just for being much better at football than Anthony Ralston. Neymar refused to swap shirts with the little tyke – hardly the sign of a prima donna, more just a natural human reaction. If your opponent has spent 90 minutes winding you up, why should you pretend to respect them?

RETRO CORNER

Apropos of very little, here’s pre-crisps Gary Lineker making a cheeky cameo in a Cloughie-led Shredded Wheat advert (h/t @waatpies)

HAT TIP

Wondering why so many lopsided Champions League scorelines? This chart of squad values might offer some clues.