Tuesday, November 27, 2007

This is the first time I've ever gone out on (intoning deep, ominous voice) Blaaaack Friiiiday. But Rob wants a Wii for Xmas and they are difficult (read: impossible) to find, even though they came out this time last year. My neighbor called the local Game Stop and was told that they would have some Friday. So off I went, at 6:45am, knowing that I would probably be too late, since the store opened at 7:00.

Sure enough, there was a line already, but only about 20 people, not hundreds like there were at Best Buy. My neighbor's husband, Kevin, was in the first dozen or so. I decided to take my chances. I got in line, then called Kevin on his cell phone and asked, "Why do you have a coffee cup in your back pocket?" It was fun to watch him spin around like the target in a spy thriller movie. He laughed and replied, "It has always been my dream to watch the sun come up over Wal-Mart." (Game Stop is in the same strip mall).

So the Game Stop dude comes out and he's all like, "We're going to have two cashiers. Pick a line and we'll get your stuff." Someone shouted out, asking how many Wiis (Wii's?) they had. Mr. Game Stop, being all secretive and feeling important replied, "We can't tell you. Security reasons." Like what security reasons? Did he think we were going to storm the counter? Take the employees hostage? Fight over video game systems? Rob them? Cut the line?

Anyway, the doors opened and in we went. I chose a line and waited. And waited. A woman in the other line kept yelling out, asking how many Wii's they had. Finally the Game Stop dude said they had received in the "upper teens." At that time, I was eleventh in my line. Oy. Things not looking good. In the corner was a closed-circuit TV which showed what was behind the counter and I could see the stacks of Wii's dwindling.

My line was not moving at all because the first people to the counter had questions. Now, please, could they have not asked questions the day before? Or the month before? No. They have to ask questions NOW. Lots of questions. Finally my lined moved...slowly. The lady asked again, "How many?" Mr. Game Stop said seven left. I was still pretty far back in my line.

Finally I was third in my line. The guy at the counter? The electronic strip on his credit card didn't work. OMG are you kidding me? Mr. Game Stop had to go find the slips and machine to make a manual impression of the card. While that was going on, the other Game Stop dude yelled that there was ONE WII LEFT. And I was second in my line.

The guy in the other line was cashing out. I looked at at the youngish man in front of me and said, "I guess that one's yours." He replied, "I'm not here for a Wii. Do you want to get in front of me?" At that point I fainted and the rescue squad had to be called. No, at that point I kissed him and he slapped me. No, really, at that point I jumped on the counter and danced.

Actually, I got in front of the very nice man and told my cashier that I wanted that Wii, and the Wii Sports game, and two of the thingies that attach to the end. He didn't know where the attachment thingies were so I was pointing them out, on a rack behind the other line. He went over to get them and left my Wii on the floor behind the counter. I leaned across to the other register, where the man was cashing out and said sternly, "Forget your PIN."

The other cashier picked up my Wii, at which point I leaped over the counter and bit his hand. No, actually I grabbed his hair, jerked his head back and said, "Do. Not. Even. Think. About. It." Really I just said, "You're not giving that to someone else are you?" (See how aggressive I am in tense situations? A tiger, I tell ya) He said no, he was just bagging it. So, in summation I got the LAST Wii.Whew!

Monday, November 05, 2007

Because I love the internet - really - I wanted to share this indulgence.

There I was, post-Halloween, looking at a BIG-assed bag of candy. Rob collected fifteen pounds of candy. FIFTEEN. POUNDS. He weighed it. I double-checked. We divided it into two big bowls: chocolate, and not chocolate. Since I'm a librarian I'm really good at developing precise and efficient organizational systems.

From the chocolate bucket I immediately extracted all the Almond Joys. Hey, they aren't called JOY for nothing. So here is the amazing thing I discovered.

Take one nice, firm banana (stop that. you have a dirty mind.) and your kid's Halloween bucket filch three fun-size Almond Joys. (since when is 2 bites considered fun? fun would be an Almond Joy that weighs 2 pounds) Open the Almond Joys and lay them on their wrappers. Now lay them end to end and celebrate how much JOY that is. Now try to stack them. Oooo! You can't! The almond makes them fall over.

Take a bite of that banana. (again with the dirty mind? your mother would be ashamed.) Now a bite of an Almond Joy. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat until all gone.

And if you don't like Almond Joy, e-mail me. I'll send you my address.

Rob has this game he likes to play in the car. I'm all about playing word and/or math games while driving somewhere. Cuts down on bloodshed and headaches. Anyway, this new game is called "Would You Rather?" I hope you get the gist of it from the title. If not, drink some coffee, then try again.

So on Saturday, while we were running an errand, Rob turns to his friend James in the back seat and announces game on. Rob throws out the first, thought provoking query...

Rob: Would you rather go to jail or eat your own foot?

James: (thinking) Could I cook it?

Rob: (considering) Yes.

James: I'd eat my foot.

For whatever reason (because I have a slightly warped mind, perhaps?) I found this hysterical. Later James throws out this zinger...

James: Would you rather have no parents or never have a home in your life?

Rob: Well, I love my parents. But it would be hard to live without a home. (thinking...thinking... realizes his mother is DRIVING THE CAR...) I'll keep my parents!