Thursday, May 02, 2002

Stay In A Friend's Guest Bedroom Until You Find Out His Or Her Life Is As Fucked Up As Yours Day!

All of your friends have been inviting you to come out and stay in their homes because they're afraid you might hurt yourself if left unsupervised. Accept. But make sure to stay with the guy/girl who seems almost superhuman in his/her ability to uphold responsibility and communicate exactly what he/she needs to say without putting it in the third paragraph of a goodbye note.

It might sound like the absolute worst idea considering the state you're in, but guest bedrooms can be wonderful because within their confines you're able to put your life on pause while the lives of everyone around you have to continue buzzing along. And on that third night when your friend's spouse fails to show up for dinner (or breakfast on the fourth morning) and any questions you put forth as to the absence are deflected with a brusque "It's just a misunderstanding!" you'll start to realize you're not the only person on the planet who feels like he or she is flailing through a void and maybe you should stop feeling so sorry for yourself. Try to get out before the weekend though, because that's when your friend's spouse will come home (he or she went to his or her mother's house/old college buddy's place by the way) and you might be startled in the middle of the night to find he/she sliding into bed with you, which will be bad. If you say no, you might not be invited back come August when the lake is just gorgeous, but if you say yes, you might definitely be invited back come August when the lake is just gorgeous. It's a tough call to have to make on Stay In A Friend's Guest Bedroom Until You Find Out His Or Her Life Is As Fucked Up As Yours Day!