Black Friday First Blood! Crazed Alleged Shoplifter Shot Dragging Cop

So you knew that you’d be waking up to Black Friday mayhem, and we’re sure that there’ll be lots of breaking news over the next few days. There’s still a properly dramatic story coming out of Romeoville, Illinois. We were technically still in Gray Thursday when cops were summoned over a theft at a Kohl’s, with the alleged thief dragging a cop along from his car window while trying to flee the scene. This got the alleged thief totally shot for reals by another cop. The whole story seems to be told fairly straight here.

The driver didn’t die, and neither did the cop that got dragged, so don’t think we’re being all cynical about this kind of thing. We do, however, wonder what the cop said after shooting the alleged thief. We’re thinking that we’d say, “That’s pretty Kohl-blooded,” but maybe we’d go with, “Santa better put a catheter under your Christmas tree.” It probably would depend on where we shot the guy. Hey, here’s a good one: “Keep the receipt.” We’d be talking about the bullet. In case the bad guy wanted to return it. Not that he would, but that’s still pretty good, right? Yeah. Guess he better…