15 Ways to Show Someone You’re Interested

The 15th of Av is a day of love in the Jewish calendar. To mark this occasion let’s speak about different ways to show you’re interested in someone. It’s not easy being the first one to make a move, open up or be vulnerable. Even when you are bold and try to make something happen, you may be turned down more often than you like.

Michael Jordan was quoted saying, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life, and that’s why I succeed.” He goes on to say, “I can accept failure, but I can’t accept not trying.” These are important thoughts to keep in mind when showing interest in someone new.

1. Ask them out
It seems simple, but waiting does not always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes people find replacements or become unavailable. Don’t hesitate. Go for it: ask someone out.

2. Listen
If you listen to someone speaking, they know it. They feel it. How do you show you are listening? Listening happens not only with your ears, but with your whole body. Are you facing the person, leaning towards them? Are you responding as they speak to show them you hear what they are saying?

3. Share
Of course you need to listen, but it’s also important to start sharing. A trusting relationship can grow because both sides are opening up. By sharing yourself with your date, the relationship has the best opportunity for growth and future success.

4. Act
If she told you she loves gardening, you might want to bring her a plant for your next date. Maybe you could even go to a bookstore together and browse the gardening section—even if you couldn’t care less about gardening! Ladies, same thing about sports. Showing interest in the things that interest them is a clear way to show that you care.

5. Smile
Smile at the person you find interesting. This is also a good general rule; there’s nothing like the power of a smile to make someone’s day.

6. Power of the pen (or the iPad)
A short note saying “Have a great day!” is not stalker-ish. But 10 text messages a day probably is. One short, sweet note will let them know you’re thinking of them.

7. Speak well of the person you’re dating
Say to the waiter, “Isn’t s/he great?” It will show that you are proud to be together. You don’t want to boast or go overboard, but a few genuine words can brighten a date.

8. Show up for a surprise visit
Showing interest and stalking is a fine line. You do want to let the person you’re dating know you are interested. If you’re in a relationship, surprise visits could be just the thing to enhance the relationship. However, if you are not in a relationship yet, save surprises for later on.

9. Be present
When you are together, put away your distractions -- specifically the digital ones. Nothing makes a person feel more important than when you turn off your phone or say, “That’s not an important call because I am with you now.” This one really goes a long way.

10. Ask for advice
If you really want to make someone feel valued, share an issue you are dealing with and ask your date for advice on the matter.

11. Eye contact
Make lots and lots of eye contact. It’s a language of love, comfort and desire when shared between people who like one another. It also means you are paying attention to what’s in front of you. And we all love that kind of attention!

12. Open up in the right time
A first encounter is not the time to share that you struggle with depression. But if it comes up in conversation after you both have established a mutual like for one another, it’s time to open up and show your vulnerable side.

13. Compliment
Offer genuine compliments to your date. It makes everyone feel good when someone notices something special about them.

14. Be respectful
One way to show respect is actually less about what you do and more about what you don’t do. Don’t ask for daily reports (“Where have you been and who were you with?”). When you ask too many questions, your genuine interest can be misinterpreted. I know you may really be curious about their whereabouts because you’re interested in them. A better way to be inquisitive is to ask, “How was your day? What did you do?”

Showing someone you’re interested puts you in a vulnerable position. You may not know if your feelings will be returned, but that’s a calculated risk you’ll need to take. Remember that despite the electronic networks that keep us distantly connected, we all crave real connection, adoration and companionship. So even if the feelings aren’t mutual, I hope the person you are with will handle your vulnerable state with care.

When you find someone who seems worth the effort, show your interest in a clear way that is likely to lead you to another date. Waiting for someone to make the first move might feel safer but it won’t get you want you want. Muster the courage to do something outside your comfort zone.

How do you like to be shown someone is interested in you? I know you’ve got some great ideas too. Please add to my list in the comment section below. Happy Tu B’Av!

Aleeza Ben Shalom is known as the Marriage Minded Mentor. She is a professional dating coach and the author of Get Real, Get Married, your guide to get over your hurdles and under the chuppah! Aleeza is a passionate speaker and regular contributor to Aish.com and Yated Ne’eman. She works with clients from around the world, as well as, trains future dating coaches. You may also recognize Aleeza from her appearance in the web series Soon By You. She has been interviewed by BBC World News, and NPR. To book a one-on-one or learn more visit: www.marriagemindedmentor.com.

I have seen too many women waste time and energy on guys who are clearly not interested in them. Perhaps if they spent less time "showing their interest" and proceeded with caution/restraint they would have picked up on the guys' lack of enthusiasm. Women, tread carefully, and be sure that your interest is not so overt that it looks like desperation.( Nothing will turn him off faster!)

(5)
Ayalah Haas,
August 26, 2014 6:02 AM

LADIES: Don't Ask Him Out. Let Him Ask You!

THANK YOU for taking the time to write these great tips. My husband and I met on a shidduch date 13 years ago. He proposed after we dated 2 months. Not only did I never ask him out, I never called him unless I was returning his call. This changed after we got engaged -- we did have a wedding to plan after all! My point is: a man who is interested - even a very shy man - will ask you out! A woman who wants to feel truly wanted and appreciated is better off letting the man ask her out. She will thus never doubt whether she pushed him into the relationship.

(4)
Lisbeth,
August 21, 2014 4:27 PM

hint #7: condescending and creepy

"Say to the waiter, 'Isn’t s/he great?'..."

NO. Don't do it! Super creepy. Embarrassing for the object of the 'compliment', who's now being talked about in the third person right in front of their face, which is a form of condescension usually done only to small children; and obnoxious for the waiter, who's being roped in involuntarily and forced to participate in your 'compliment'--whether s/he agrees with it or not. Yuck.

(3)
Orali,
August 14, 2014 3:41 PM

Very informative; thoughtful reminders!

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I truly appreciate it! I'm the type that solicit daily activity report but I'll refrain or stop it not only to dates but to friends, yet I need daily concise reports for my daily task as a Nurse Manager...rightfully so. Pray that I don't bring my work habits of asking for facts when dating.Love you guys!Shabbat shalom!

(2)
Yehudith Shraga,
August 11, 2014 6:36 PM

Very Wise observations

Thank you for sharing.

(1)
KP,
August 11, 2014 12:08 AM

This article is written well and is very true.

The words of wisdom in this article are great techniques which can also be used to make others have a greater liking to you in your everyday life. Being respectful to others, smiling, really listening etc. are tools to help you build relationships with others and gain their respect. Whether you are using these techniques on your colleagues, employees, or acquaintances they will help you win people over. Thank you Aleeza for your insight.