There comes a time in every actors life when they’re faced with going Full Monty for a flick. And if it’s an important indie — why the hell not? From Michael Fassbender to Angelina Jolie, we salute these sexy superstars for baring serious vaj and Johnson for the sake of art!

Listen up, everybody. If you write a tell-all in this day and age, you had better bring it. Heck, Kris Jenner wrote a tell-all about herself in which she exposes her own infidelities. If you aren’t exposing someone’s love child or some Mommy Dearest-level insanity in your scandalous memoir, we are not even going to check it out from the library. It’s these high standards that made us so bummed to read about the “secrets” revealed in Christopher Gaida‘s new book Arm Candy: A Celebrity Escort’s Tales From The Red Carpet. Despite having escorted celebs to red-carpet events (entirely platonically, as we were saddened to find out) for fourteen years, some of Giada’s non-revelations include:

As is pretty inevitable with any remake, this week’s hot new release Total Recall is currently undergoing a million and a half comparisons to the 1990 original. Both movies, based on a Philip K. Dick story called “We Can Remember It for You Wholesale,” concern a man named Douglas Quaid who is plagued by disturbing nightmares and visits a service called Rekall that promises to improve your life by implanting new memories into your brain. Both movies also star an incredibly good-looking cast that make us look forward to a future in which everyone’s bodies will be perfectly toned. Since we’ve yet to catch the new flick, we here at VH1 Celebrity are going to tackle this comparison a little differently: by superficially comparing stars Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sharon Stone and Rachel Ticotin to Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale and Jessica Biel. Oh, and we haven’t forgotten baddies Ronny Cox and Bryan Cranston, and all-important three-breasted women Lycia Naff and Kaitlyn Neeb.

This could be your most important decision of the day, so examine these photos closely and then tell us…

Sharon Stone‘s underboob (the rarest of all boobs!) was the life of the part at last night’s amfAR’s Inspiration Night in Paris, and it’s presence on the red carpet was not an accident. The actress decided to go commando underneath her sheer sweater at Thursday’s benefit because….well, because she’s Sharon Stone. What other reason could she possibly, possibly need? It was almost Friday, too. Are you satisfied yet? Just look at Sharon’s sweater again if you aren’t.

Now, we do have one small critique of Stone’s ensemble. We would never hate on a see-through garment, as our 40 Most Scandalously See-Through Outfits in Red Carpet History gallery can attest. It’s just that…Sharon’s top is very visually confusing! It’s sort of sheer, then it’s opaque, then the solid top panel is covering everything completely and you think you can relax for two seconds, then all of a sudden it’s so transparent, Rebecca Wang has to look awkwardly away so she doesn’t see Stone’s entire bidness from the waist up. It’s like a nipple kaleidoscope! But somehow not in a fun way! If you’re going to go sheer, we say go completely see-through, Rose McGowan-in-a-fishnet-dress-style. Something to think about for next year’s event, Sharon!

If you wanna turn heads (and headlines) on the red carpet, all you gotta do is wear is see-through outfit with no underwear underneath! This approach has been getting C and D-listers some badly needed press at least since Rose McGowan strolled into the ’98 VMAs wearing a net and a piece of string. But occasionally even Oscar winning superstars feel the temptation to walk on the wild side and step out in a planned “wardrobe malfunction.” Everyone loves attention!

We guess the revealing LBD Gwyneth Paltrow wore to The Conversation launch last night in NYC isn’t too scandalous in compared to some of the other outfits that we’ve seen out and about in recent weeks. But the commando-style flesh flash does seem to be something of a trend lately. From low names like Melody Thornton and Adrienne Bailon to huge celebs like Rihanna and Lady Gaga, much of Hollywood has been going bare lately. Check out the (VERY NSFW) gallery below and see what we mean!

Terror never looked as adorable as when Shakira was attacked by a sea lion over the weekend! The hip-shaking singer was touring Cape Town, South Africa, when she spotted the cute but not-so-cuddly creature nearby. As she bent down to say hello, the animal apparently thought that her cell phone was a fish and sprang out of the water with its teeth out. The sea lion took a bite out of her hand before her brother was able to come to her rescue and pull the two apart. Both humans suffered scraped hands and arms. No word on the sea lion’s condition, but we imagine it’s doing all right.

Shakira posted pictures of her injuries to her Facebook in an album hilariously titled “Special Report: Attacked by a Sea Lion.” In the captions she dramatically recounts the incident in vivid detail. “One of [the sea lions] jumped out of the water so fast and impetuously that it got about one foot away from me, looked me in the eye, roared in fury and tried to bite me,” she wrote. She made sure to thank her brother “Super Tony” for saving her life and “taking me away from the beast.”

Sure, the whole ordeal seems like a freak accident, but animals tango with famous people much more often than you might think. Check out the gallery below for more celebrities who have survived awkward run-ins with wildlife!

In a similar case to DeGeneres and de Rossi, Gooden broke into Stone’s home and was found by police, waiting for her to return. Thank God she wasn’t home at the time. He claims that his mother—Hilary—had bought Sharon’s home for him, as a gift! That’s the reason he gave for traveling from Ohio and breaking in. It’s no surprise that he was placed in a psychiatric hold. Sharon’s filed an order in court stating, “I have been subjected to a course of conduct which has and is seriously alarming, annoying and harassing me. I am in fear from Mr Gooden for my personal safety, and that of those around me, including especially my children and family, as well as my friends and employees.”

She has good reason for the order, because Gooden apparently really thinks the house is his, saying, “It’s now my house, I live here” and apparently, “seems undeterred from returning to the property.” Stone’s been granted a temporary restraining order, but will that compute for him?

While most of us would agree that it’s a stretch to still describe baseball as being Our National Pastime™, there’s little sense denying that every playoff baseball game played during the month of October is laden with the kind of dramatic tension that makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand at attention. This post, however, is not really about celebrating the magic and mystery of America’s most revered professional sport. Rather, it’s about the celebrities who trot themselves out to the pitcher’s mound before games to throw out the ceremonial first pitch.

First, the facts: Every single Major League Baseball team plays 81 home games during the course of the season. This means that the poor public relations department of each team has to come up with 81 different ways to get the crowd excited before a game. In some of baseball’s larger markets, teams draw upon their access to a range of different celebrities, a list that runs the gamut from Hollywood’s A-List to downtrodden reality television flameouts, to get their fans excited over a long and often monotonous season. So we here at TheFABLife thought you would get a kick out of seeing celebs of all magnitudes — most of whom are not exactly known for their athletic abilities — attempting to throw a baseball sixty feet and six inches. So, if you pardon the expression, who throws like a girl and who throws like someone who could be called up to The Show? Now’s the time to find out. Play ball!

There are a lot of choice quotes from the interview with Diane Kruger in this month’s issue of Allure, but our favorite by far is the story about the time Kruger almost ran over Sharon Stone with a Segway. And we dug up the photos to prove it. Kruger explains that the incident occurred at a charity auction last year. She says:

“I was at this auction last year for amfAR — a foundation for AIDS research — and Sharon Stone was hosting. Josh [Jackson] and I were supposed to auction off a Segway. And for some reason I decided to get on it, wearing really high heels. I was totally off balance, and … I nearly killed Sharon Stone. I’m not kidding. I ran over the train of her dress, and she stumbled and almost fell off the stage. Josh had to pull me off. I could see the headlines: Diane Kruger kills Sharon Stone.”

The story is hilarious enough without the pictures, but seeing Kruger get pulled off an out of control Segway is priceless. Of course it wouldn’t have been funny if Stone was injured (or killed) but it would prove that she and her loved ones find original ways to injure themselves – remember when her ex-husband Phil Bronstein‘s foot was bitten by a Komodo dragon?

While we think it’s great Michael Douglas and Sharon Stone came out to support the 32nd Annual New York City Police Foundation Gala last night, we’re more than a little surprised the boys in blue wanted to bring these two back together for their fundraiser. In case you’ve forgotten, Basic Instinct—the film that forever linked their careers—starred Douglas as a recovering coke-addict police detective haunted by his accidental shooting of two tourists, now caught in a sexy web of deception by bisexual author and potential serial killer Stone, who bribed another officer to provide confidential information. Almost forgot—Douglas’s character was nailing the police psychologist, too. Is this the kind of movie the NYPD wants fresh in our minds while seeking donations? Then again, it was set in San Francisco.