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This is getting ridiculous. I am the (not so proud) owner of 5 blogs. That’s right, 5. This one, the Xanga one, Myspace, LiveJournal and now Blogsource. Granted, all I really do at 4 of the 5 is cross post from this blog or link. But still. This is sad.

(Blogsource is also where The Dwelling Place blog is located. Go check it out!)

I’m tempted to say “Time for a break” but I know that I will hear no end of grief until I’m back anyway. “This is your ministry.” “You’re using your gifts.” “You are touching people’s lives.”

Am I? Am I touching people’s lives? Is this enough or is there more I could do if I would shut the darn computer off and go interact with live people?

Or maybe this is where I’m supposed to be. I do better when given time to think out my response to people. Or when given time to think about my true opinion on things. I’m a good listener. I’m not one of those people who always feels the need to fix a problem or make useless interjections. (Unless I’m on the msg. board. 😉 ) So maybe blogging is a good thing for me.

But still…….5? Not to mention this just widens the stalker possibilities. I received the following message on MySpace today:

“your beautiful thats all i wanted to say damn……….best lookin one on this site but if u want a friend i am always up to meeting new people to hang with if u want a pic i have one on here hope to talk to ya soon “

Uh, let me pray about it……..no! I wonder how many girls have received that exact same message. 😛 Maybe I should post an “I hate men” blog over there…….nah, that could lead to worse things. lol.

Ok, so aside from the meat market factor and the fact that I spend half my time in front of a computer screen, maybe this is what I’m supposed to do. And I just argued myself full circle, didn’t I? 😀

Where did we get this idea of “fairness”? It’s not something that is particularly Biblical but it seems to be something that is innate. From almost the time we can talk, we begin pronouncing things “unfair”. Mom decides which child gets to pick the movie. “That’s not fair.” A teenager’s curfew is earlier then her friends. “That’s not fair.” A guy’s boss picks someone less deserving of the job. “That’s not fair.”

Don’t you know? Life ain’t fair.

Where did we come up with this? God isn’t “fair”. God is merciful. God is just. But He isn’t “fair”. At least not by our standards and our understanding of this world.

If God was “fair”, the good guys would always be stalwart and true and be deservingly rewarded. The bad guys would always get what is coming to them. Eye for an eye and all that. But that’s not how it works. Not in this life.

Because this life is screwed up by sin, it’s not “fair”. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people. Criminals are set free and innocent men are put in jail. Children are kidnapped. Women are beat by their husbands. Hardworking people lose their jobs.

Sometimes I wonder if our sense of “fairness” doesn’t override our ability to love and to rejoice with those who rejoice. Heaven and Hell have been used as equalizers. “Well, the wicked can party it up here but then they’ll spend eternity in Hell and I’ll live forever in the arms of baby Jesus.” Is that what Jesus wants us to think? We’re talking eternal torment and people want to say, “Got what you deserved!”? I doubt that’s what He had in mind.

Life isn’t fair. It’s messed up and wacky and scary and unpredictable. But we aren’t called to fairness. We’re called to love.

Ok, that’s not quite what I meant. (I told ya’ll my thoughts were still being organized.) I pull away when people start new relationships to give the couple space. (And, like I said, “mush” annoys me.) I don’t stop inviting them to things or whatever. If they call to chat, I’ll chat for as long as they want. I’m careful to wait and see how much space each couple wants/needs.

And, before ya’ll start getting defensive, to assume that a couple will get “wrapped up in each other” isn’t exactly an idea that has been disproven. A lot of couples (dare I say most) go through the “I’m not happy unless I’m with him/her” phase. That’s not fun to be around. I’m not saying that ya’ll are going to go do that. I’m hoping that you don’t. But if you do, I prefer not to be the tag along, 3rd wheel of the party.

You guys can’t tell me that you’ve never had a set of friends fall off the face of the earth because they started dating. I know you have. Either that or I’m the only one with these kinds of people for friends. Boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out, boy and girl all but disappear. You guys can’t get mad at me for assuming this. You’ve had it happen to you. Maybe you’ve even done it in the past. And I’ve done the whole swearing up and down that I’ll never do it and make my friends promise not to let me. I’ve also had friends who asked me to do the same for them and then when they start dating, what do they do? “I’m not spending all my time with him/her.” “I don’t get to see him/her very much.” “I still see you.” “I know I said that but things are different now.” Yeah, I’ve had these conversations one too many times for me not to be a bit suspicious when people start telling me this.

But please, prove me wrong. I’d be more than happy to be wrong on this. I promise not to ostracize you if you promise not to fall off the face of the planet. Deal? 🙂

First and foremost, this post is not directed at anyone. There are no pointed remarks, I’m not trying to call anyone out and I’m not trying to blog what I won’t say to your face. I don’t want to hear any “what’s that supposed to mean?” later on. This is merely my observation.

As we rapidly approach this holiday made up by greeting card and chocolate companies, I’m noticing something in my friends. Everyone is hooking up. I’m not saying that it’s because of Valentine’s Day and the race to find someone to spend the day with. The timing is just odd.

It’s been a natural ebb and flow with my friends. One minute we all find ourselves single and throwing popcorn at the stupid chick flick we decided to torture ourselves with. The next everyone is acting all mushy and flirty and talking about some guy like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. (Which, in my opinion, is a pretty hard act to follow. 🙂 ) And then there’s me. Holding down the “No Boys Allowed” club until my girls return to their senses and come back. 😉

No, I’m happy for my friends. Most of them are dating (or have not-boyfriends or un-boyfriends or fiances) men who seem to be wonderful guys. And I hope that they spoil you all rotten and talk as much mush as you want and treat you like the queens that you are.

Just please wait until I leave the room. 😉

Something I’ve noticed in myself is my tendancy to get cynical and try to distance myself from people when they start dating. I think it’s a “they’re going to be too wrapped up in each other so I’m bailing now” mentality. That and the googly eyes get irritating after awile. 🙂

Crystal was talking in her blog about how she doesn’t like a whole lot of “mush” in her relationships. Here’s a shock: she and I seem to be of the same mind on this. Buying flowers and candy and whispering sweet nothings is good and all. But real romance is in the everyday stuff. The sacrifices you make for one another. As Crystal said, we want a prince who’s face you can see and who’s armor isn’t perfectly shiny and who’s horse isn’t spotless white. A real guy who makes real mistakes and tries in real ways to show you that he loves you. No Prince Charming. (Because I don’t believe that guy even exists. Prince Charming doesn’t sweep me off my feet. He makes me suspicious of what he’s hiding and what he wants. I saw ‘Shrek 2’. 😉 )

So yeah, I told Sheryl when I started blogging that I didn’t really know where I was going with this. If it seems a bit disjointed, that’s why. This is me trying to organize my thoughts. Maybe I’ll blog more later when I’m not so tired.

I am not certain of many things. I am certain that there is a God. I’m certain that Jesus Christ is Who He said He is. I’m certain that in some way that defies everything science can tell us, the Father, the Holy Spirit and Jesus are three in one.

I am also certain that gremlins live in my cupboard and the dryer monster is alive and well. How else do I explain why none of my tupperware matches? Or why I’m always missing at least one sock from my laundry? I am also certain that these things are in cahoots to drive me insane. The dryer eats my socks and the gremlins bring him offerings of tupperware. Thus making sure that I have lids and bottoms, but they don’t match. Then once I’ve thrown the lonely sock away or bought new tupperware, out spring the missing items from the dryer monster’s belly!

Ok girls, I used to be a Mary Kay consultant but since I suck at selling things, I’ve decided this is not the venture for me! 😀 Soooo……I have a bunch of foundation and stuff that I need to get rid of. I’m going to sell everything for 25% off. I’ll post a list of what I have and prices soon. I’m not going to order anything new (I don’t even know if I can) but I’ll sell ya what I’ve got.

It’s always interesting to look back over a year in things that you have written. More so when those things are poetry. I like going back and reading my blog but there’s something cool about seeing where I was from my artist’s perspective.

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that others won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to manifest the glory of God in us. It’s not just in some; it is in everyone. And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give permission other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others. – Marianne Williamson, ‘A Return to Love’

The day we are completely satisfied with what we have been doing; the day we have found the perfect…..answer, never in need of being corrected again, on that day we will know that we are wrong, that we have made the greatest mistake of all. – Vincent Donovan

He who thinks that he is finished, is finished….Those who think they have arrived, have lost their way. Those who think they have reached their goal, have missed it. Those who think they are saints, are demons. – Henri Nouwen

Love is always bestowed as a gift – freely, willingly, and without expectation. We don’t love to be loved; we love to love. – Leo Buscaglia

Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. – Leo Tolstoy

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking. – Anonymous 🙂

Always do what you are afraid to do. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them more. – Oscar Wilde

Where there is love, there is life. – Gandhi

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is ready for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. – Winston Churchill

If you judge people, you have no time to love them. – Mother Teresa

Alexander, Caeser, Charlemagne and I have founded empires. But on what did we rest the creations of our genius? Upon force. Jesus Christ rested his empire on love; and at this hour millions of men would die for him. – Napoleon Bonaparte