Can Divorce Affect My Kids?

This question undoubtedly wracks the minds and hearts of those contemplating, or going through, divorce. You want to know how the people you care most about —your children—will fare with a disrupted family. You wonder how they will cope when everything they know and trust changes.The answer is yes, divorce will affect your children. But this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and how they respond will depend on how you and your soon-to-be ex handle the situation. If you keep the fighting away from your kids, and if each of you provides them with a loving, stable environment in which to grow, they should do just fine.Don’t focus on the statistics. They will tell you that children of intact families fare better than those of divorced families; we see this comparison as unfair. Intact families are not always happy or nurturing and divorced families are not always cold or torn. Stability is key, and you may be better able to provide this for your kids if you and your partner lead separate lives. There is nothing like having happy, loving adults to look up to as you grow.So, instead of focusing on whether divorce can affect your kids, consider how the change can be positive for them. This will include understanding your children’ needs at this time and learning how to deal with your ex effectively.

1 Comment

I think Maxine has the gist of it: British courts have been iwillng to throw out pre-nups that were entered into with knowledge and consent by both parties. I vaguely recall this happening in U.S. courts a few times in the ’70s when pre-nups were first coming into fashion here, but AFAIK this never became a precedent. I believe American courts still regard pre-nups in general as enforceable. As for the larger issue: I’ll have to admit that I don’t know what to think. I’ve been married to a wonderful woman for 11 years now. I trust her completely and I’m positive she would not pull that kind of stunt on me. Then again, I know of at least one man whose wife, after 25 years of marriage, suddenly decided she wanted out, and they have been going through a very messy process. I’ll have to admit that in the back of my mind is the thought that my wife could take me to the cleaners if she were so inclined. But I don’t really know. I had the experience of being a divorce child, and I know that the family courts can be downright screwy. The written law doesn’t seem to have a lot of bearing on what actually happens in court sometimes.

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The Intelligent Divorce Program was designed by Dr. Mark Banschick, a retired expert witness in custody disputes. His goal is to help parents, healthcare providers, clergy, and attorneys, navigate the hazards inherent in divorce.