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“Katy” was a beautiful, intelligent, talented wife and mother who was responsible in every other
way. Katy simply couldn’t face a pelvic exam because, throughout her childhood, she had been
molested by her father. I know that it’s true because her father molested me, too.

Katy’s doctor told her that, if it had been caught in the early stages, her cancer would have
been curable. She hadn’t been to see her gynecologist since her last child was born nine years
before. Because of what her father did to her, she was unable to allow anyone other than her
husband to touch her.

Please remind every woman and sexually active teenage girl about the importance of a yearly
exam. A woman who thinks she can’t deal with an exam should force herself to talk to her doctor and
explain her fear. Otherwise, the sexual predators win again.

— Sick of Molesters

Dear Sick of Molesters: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your friend. She won’t
have died in vain if women of every age heed your message about the importance of regular pelvic
examinations, which should start as soon as a young woman becomes sexually active.

Dear Abby: I have been married to my husband, “Henry,” for 25 years, and he refuses to call me
by name. He doesn’t call me anything — certainly no terms of endearment. He just calls out or
starts talking. He addresses our daughter’s relatives, our neighbors and even our dog by name.

I have mentioned to Henry many times how deeply hurt and resentful it makes me feel. He admits
that it is a problem but refuses to get help because “he doesn’t believe in counseling.”

I know things could be worse. I’m not abused physically, but I feel mentally abused. I find it
hard living as a nobody. Can you give me an insight on how to cope with this?

— Nameless in New Jersey

Dear Nameless: What Henry has been doing is called “passive aggression.” It’s a pattern of
behavior that can occur in a variety of contexts. In your case, it’s consistently failing to do
something he knows would please you, the absence of which he is fully aware is hurtful.

He refuses counseling because he knows a counselor will call him on it.

This doesn’t, however, mean that you shouldn’t have some counseling. Once you have recognized
Henry’s behavior for what it is, you must then ask yourself why you have tolerated it for a quarter
of a century, whether there are other things wrong in your marriage and whether this is the way you
want to live the next 25 years of your life.