Thursday, April 5, 2012

Sit Next To Me and You Die

There is an unspoken law that is passed between people who use public transport. This law is strong, binding, and understood by all who ride the bus, train or ferry. The law simply states:

I will not make the journey for myself or any other passenger more uncomfortable than it needs to be. I will understand things can go wrong. I understand we all need to go to different places at different speeds. I understand there may be awkward situations. Understanding these things, I endeavor to always be sensible, respect the personal space of myself and others, and will remain silent throughout the journey. In breaking these rules, I understand that others then have the right to take action.

It's just common sense. So when I get on a bus and someone not familiar with the sanctity of this law disrupts the peace, I do what any good civilian would do: I glare at them from behind my sunglasses and fantasize about killing them. Wait, that's just me? Well then you know now not to do the following:

1) When I am sitting on a half filled bus or train (usually bus) with many empty seats and . . . let me explain using my expert photoshop skills.

I am GIR (The awesome little robot from Invader ZIM), sitting happily listening to music or staring out the window with the fairies.

The cupcakes are other humans who are aware of the laws of public transport.

The celery is someone who just got on the bus and may or may not have severe mental problems purely based on their idiotic behavior.

This is what happens:

Every damn time!

2) When the bus is full and there are no empty seats, and everyone is well aware this particular bus usually gets full to bursting:

Curse you celery

3) Unless you know the person next to you, there is no talking. Do not talk to me. You wouldn't try talking to someone in the car next to you on a freeway, nor would you strike up a conversation with someone going for a jog. Especially if I am listening to music.

If all this sounds antisocial, cynical and paranoid to you, then clearly you don't use public transport. Ride the bus once in a while and you'll wonder why nobody has actually invented a personal bubble.

FOLLOW THE LAW! THE LAW IS ALMIGHTY AND POWERFUL AND THOSE WHO BREAK IT WILL SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES!

I will throw you off the bus. Don't think I won't. Nobody likes celery.

2 comments:

This is so funny because it's entirely true! The same thing happens at a movie theater. No matter how empty the theater is, "celery" always has to come sit by me--and talk when I'm trying to watch! LOL