Laura Stampler

Laura Stampler

Laura is a reporter at TIME. She has previously worked at Business Insider and the Huffington Post and has written for the New Republic, Nation, and Miami Herald. She graduated from Stanford University.

Woman Stabs Boyfriend For Eating Her Salsa

Too far, too far

Snack lovers will agree, there is no offense greater than eating all of somebody else’s salsa.

Unless, of course, you stab said salsa stealer as a form of retribution. Not only is that a greater offense, but it is an actual crime.

Ohio resident Phyllis Jefferson, 50, reportedly stabbed her 61-year-old boyfriend Ronnie Buckner in the groin with a pen Sunday after she found out he finished her salsa. She then grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the left side of his stomach, according to police reports cited by Cleveland.com.

Buckner was taken to a hospital for his injuries. And although Jefferson fled the scene, police apprehended her later that night. According to police reports, Jefferson admitted to the stabbing, and is currently charged with felonious assault.

Russell Crowe Says Michael Jackson Used to Play Weird Pranks on Him

Don Arnold—WireImageRussell Crowe arrives at the World Premier of "The Water Diviner"

Is your refrigerator running?

Russell Crowe — a man who once threw a phone at a hotel concierge for showing too much “attitude” — is not a person most people would want to prank.

But according to a story Crowe told the The Guardian, there was one man who dared to play practical jokes on the gruff Australian star: Michael Jackson.

“For two or three f—ing years,” Crowe said. “I never met him, never shook his hand, but he found out the name I stayed in hotels under, so it didn’t matter where I was, he’d ring up do this kind of thing, like you did when you were 10, you know. ‘Is Mr Wall there? Is Mrs Wall there? Are there any Walls there? Then what’s holding the roof up? Ha ha.’ You’re supposed to grow out of doing that, right?”

Of course the story can’t be confirmed by Jackson, but the image of the pop icon prank calling Crowe is so perfect, we certainly hope it’s true.

Justin Bieber and the History of the Roast

How the tradition of honoring people by humiliating them got its start

On Monday night, schadenfreude-lovers can tune into Comedy Central to watch Justin Bieber get honored by means of humiliation.

The teen-dream-turned-angsty-20-something is the latest victim/guest of honor of a comedy roast, which will air at 10pm EST but was filmed earlier this month. Though Bieber’s a very modern target, the ribbing he’ll endure is a tradition that has a century-old history.

In the early 20th century, testimonial dinners held to praise an invited guest were all the rage among clubs and organizations.

“They were huge,” says Barry Dougherty, historian and head roast writer for the Friar’s Club, the fraternal and funny organization famous for hosting roasts. “But when other organizations had these things, they would be nice. Because of our particular group of friars, who were sharper vaudevillians, they would be witty, smart and sarcastic. They would make jabs.”

Dougherty says that the club, founded in 1904, probably had its first testimonial turned (not-yet-named) roast in 1907. A 1910 headline in the New York Tribune documented the early days of the unorthodox dinners with the headline: “FRIARS KID MR. HARRIS: Veteran Theatrical Manager Butt of Jokes at Dinner.”

“It was a new thing, no one ever thought to do it before,” Dougherty tells TIME, adding that other organizations started jumping on the sarcastic bandwagon. But the dinners started to get out of hand.

“[The roasters] kept upping the ante,” Dougherty says, and over the years the jokes got more and more extreme. “When you got to the ’40s [the friars] wondered if they should put the breaks on it or have a separate event, all roasting, no nice stuff.”

They went with the latter.

The first official roast, so named because of the many times a guest of honor would get “burned,” occurred in 1949. The subject was French actor and singer Maurice Chevalier. While many of the roasts were initially only open to men — when Humphrey Bogart was roasted in 1955, his wife sent them a tape that played her message, “This is Lauren Bacall, the uninvited guest, you rat bastards” — they would later open their doors. Lucille Ball was roasted in 1962.

In 1998, the Friar’s Club partnered with Comedy Central to air the roasts on television. While the two have since parted ways, both organizations now regularly hold roasts of their own. Though more roasts may mean more humiliation, it’s a win for the rest of us: The more celebrities we get to see cringe, the better.

Why Jay Z, Rihanna and Kanye Have Gone Blue on Twitter

No, it's not for charity

Jay Z has prompted musicians to turn their Twitter avatars and Instagram photos into a square of solid bright blue Sunday night — and it has nothing to do with Blue Ivy.

Musicians are going teal to support Jay Z’s new music streaming service called Tidal. Details are still sparse, but Tidal is marketing itself as an artist-friendly streaming experience. Taylor Swift wrote an op-ed for the Wall Street Journallast year explaining that she was pulling her music from Spotify because artists weren’t properly compensating.

“Together, we can turn the tide and make music history,” Kanye West tweeted.

Easter Egg Cookies Recalled For Containing … Eggs

Yes, really

Silver Lake issued a voluntary recall Friday for Easter Egg Cookies because they contained eggs. The company hadn’t declared the ingredient in the “nutrition facts” section of its label.

According to the FDA release, “People who have an allergy or a severe sensitivity to eggs run the risk of serious or life-threatening allergic reaction if they consume these cookies. The cookies are safe for consumption by those who do not have egg allergies.”

Noah was born in South Africa to a black mother and white father in 1984. “I was born a crime,” Noah said on the Artie Lange show in 2013. “My mom used to get arrested for being with my dad. She would get fined. She would spend weekends in jail.”

At 18, Noah had a small role in a South African soap opera called Isidingo. He then went on to have a bevy of hosting gigs, including a radio show, an educational show, a gossip show, a sports show and a dating show. (He was a contestant in a celebrity dance show, too.)

As a comedian, he has toured around the world and has appeared on the Late Show with David Letterman and The Tonight Show.

Noah made his first of three appearances on The Daily Show in December. The South African comedian’s segment played off people’s stereotypes of African countries by comparing racial and socioeconomic inequality in his hometown with America.

“Writing a script takes me three weeks, minimum, and longer when it is not a straight adaptation from the novels,” Martin explained.

“And really, it would cost me more time than that, since I have never been good at changing gears from one medium to another and back again. Writing a season six script would cost me a month’s work on WINDS, and maybe as much as six weeks, and I cannot afford that.”

Breakdown of Classic New York Roller Coaster Forces Riders to Climb Down By Foot

Richard Levine—Demotix/CorbisWorkers assist thrill seekers on the Luna Park Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster after it got stuck on its inaugural run of the Summer 2015 season, on March 29, 2015 in Brooklyn, N.Y.

"It was terrifying," one rider said

Thrill-seekers had a scarier ride than anticipated Sunday when the legendary Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster in New York got stuck on its first run of the season.

Staff members were forced to spend Luna Park’s opening day assisting shaken roller coaster riders climb down the wooden structure by foot. “It was terrifying, because I was up there and everything was spinning,” Gabriella Centeno told NBC after taking the long climb down. “I’m scared of heights.”

The amusement park staff said the coaster had been tested in preparation for opening day.

Watch John Oliver Take a Stand Against April Fools’ Day

"Anyone who is excited for April Fools' Day is probably a sociopath"

+ READ ARTICLE

John Oliver says it’s time America takes a stand against April Fools’ Day.

“Anyone who is excited for April Fools’ Day is probably a sociopath, because what they’re really saying is, ‘I cannot wait to hurt the people close to me,'” Oliver said in a Web video Sunday, with his show Last Week Tonight off for the week.

So raise your hand and promise to refrain from posting any fake Facebook engagement announcements or perpetuating any celebrity death hoaxes.