20 Things a Man Should Never Say to a Woman… in Bed

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Women’s Health recently asked its readers to share some of the worst things a guy had ever said to them in bed. People tweeted things like: “(In baby voice) ‘I can’t wait to put the gravy on your widdle biscuit.’ ‘Biscuit’ meaning my lady parts.” Mmkay. And: “Let’s do this move that my ex and I always do.” And this gem: “Wow, you really need to workout.” After the jump, 20 more things men (and the lady-loving women) should never say to a woman…in bed.

A) You’re tighter than I expected
B) Help me earn my “Red Wings” (*shudder* as if he was going to get laid that night anyways!)
C) I had a crush on you in junior high (talk about feeling awkward)
D) quoting anything on the tv going in the background (example: one time, we had Hot Fuzz going in the background and my SO parrotted “for the greater good” without thinking. I got the giggles. He got the giggles. Totally killed the mood and his erection. Hot Fuzz is banned from our bedroom now).
E) I saw this once in a porno

I’ve had #9 (“I usually can last a lot longer”) said to me before, & the only thing that sucks about it is I have no idea how to respond. Like, I understand that everyone has one-minute man moments at times– no need to act embarrassed! Just wait 20 minutes & prove to me you “usually last longer” for the second round 😉

Yeah I don’t think it’s fair to shame men who are premature ejaculators – and saying that they shouldn’t ‘fess to it in bed like this IS shaming them.

Same as you wouldn’t shame a woman for not being able to orgasm from PIV intercourse alone. Lots of women are like that, through no fault of their own. Sure, premature ejaculation isn’t ideal, but it’s also not the end of the world and doesn’t say anything bad about the guy.

And I’ve totally told my husband to go wash up before I’ll get down with him. B.O. is not sexy!

This guy had issues, but he was good in bed. The worst thing – after the year was up, I didn’t hear from him again (we were both pursuing graduate studies). I run into him after a year at a meeting, and he is there with his WIFE (no, he wasn’t married when he and I “got together” – like I said, we were both pursuing graduate studies, and I had been to his apartment more than a few times). What really upset me was that his wife was the mirror image of me – only younger.

My ex-boyfriend once told me I was the fattest girl he ever slept with. This is the same ex-boyfriend that had *hundreds* of pictures of Marisa Miller taped to the wall next to his bed and would stare at them while having sex with me.

1. Did you know you’re not the prettiest girl I’ve ever kissed? *Shows me the Facebook profile of another girl.* She’s so hot and has a twin!
2. You’re heavier than my ex girlfriend. She was really thin and had big boobs. But don’t worry, she had a god-awful nose.
3. I’m sorry I didn’t last very long, it’s just…it’s…been…awhile. I’m so sorry! (The first time we fooled around, he said this. He NEVER lasted long in the 2 years we dated. Sigh.)
4. Did you just call me by your ex’s name??? YOU JUST CALLED ME [EX’S NAME]!!! (Also the first time we fooled around. No, I did not call him by my ex’s name.)