“I write straight with crooked lines, and each and every person is an individual. Different. Unique from all others. And therefore, there is no canned assignment. I don’t make cookie-cutter Christians—not at all! Each one of you are SO unique, and the missions I give are to fulfill their deepest needs and desires.

-Jesus (Rapture Update-still small voice youtube channel)

I lead a bible study group on Fridays and in a conversation my co -leader he plainly said “Nana lets be honest your walk with the Lord is a little cooky…your not a Cookie cutter christian” All I could do was laugh hysterically. Of course I am not a cookie cutter christian we were never intended to be and so when you find one believer on fire for the Lord completely sold out to live for him you get the terms “cooky”, “weird”, “too extreme” or the most popular “Jesus freak” which I welcome now with humility lol.

This has indeed been a difficult….. well to be honest walking with Jesus has been difficult but so rewarding. Just as he says “narrow and difficult is the way that leads to lift.. He calls us to pick up our cross and follow him. Which means to stray away from conformity and uniformity of even the “christian culture” which at times can be very difficult and painful.

I have found that in this generation so many times we have made “man” the standard of what a christian walk is suppose to be like rather than Jesus being the standard. May strive to be “the next” Smith Wigglesworth, Billy Graham, Joyce Meyer just to name a few rather than just being “YOU” so uniquely made and fashioned by God for a glorious purpose. We have even coined the term “church culture” which comes with the impression that there is a certain ideology or look that others have to conform too and if they don’t. They just don’t quite fit in and many fear stepping out from the norm out of fear of ridicule, rejection and the scoffing that comes along with following a road less traveled…by Christians. Now lets take a look at many leaders the Lord used that definitely would be considered “cooky” in our day lol

John the Baptist
-This man lived in the dessert (which means he was isolated)
-Ate only bugs (locust) and honey
– Day and night he cried out before “religious people” which would be the church in our day to REPENT THE KINGDOM OF GOD IS AT HAND
This is the same man the Lord called a prophet and said there would be no one greater than him! Wow! Now he definitely didn’t conform to the religious people of his day

#1 is Jesus the Son of God
– He was the messiah and savior of the whole world. The God of all creation but counted himself not equal with God and laid down his divinity which meant
-He was born in manager around stinking animals not in a place with midwifes waiting on him
-His appearance was so plain that he was overlooked all the time not having the latest fashion of his time, or having status
– He had no place to lay his head having no home to call his home. When he easily could have established himself well. Materialistically, He forsook all those things to store his riches in heaven
-He was rejected and killed by he religious people because he didn’t fit “the cookie cutter messiah”…they missed God

So even in these two examples above could be as Christians sometimes “we miss God”. When we limit him, put him in a box, limit what he can do and how he can do it to only what others have done before. Or better yet expect the Holy Spirit to move and direct in the same way all the time. Oh, how we have it wrong and how we can miss God and miss what he is doing in certain souls. Were not meant to know or understand Gods ways with each person even though we try to figure it out. He indeed writes straight with crooked lines. As Christians we were NEVER called to be cookie cutter but because of culture and the desire to be relevant many have just followed….man which has quenched the Holy Spirit. However, he is always looking for those souls who will say yes to him. Yes to Jesus, yes to the cross, yes to the crushing, yes to be detached from self, yes to being a laid down lover. Who surrenders fully to the Hand of God and in blind obedience abandons themselves to Gods providence, whatever that may look like so that he would get the glory. Looking ONLY to Jesus not their christian peers as to what is right and normal in the eyes of God. So will you break free from the culture, from the relevancy, from the conformity and say yes to being “COOKY” for Jesus.. Deny yourself, Pick up your Cross and Follow Him!

This is a prophetic messages from Heartdwellers.org given too Ms. Clare Dubois however the Lord gave this message as a rhema this morning and had me really examining my heart. Seeking the Holy Spirit for hidden sins in my heart and areas where I haven’t repented. The Lord has told us that the rapture is pending and he is coming for a bride who is spotless and without blemish. Its not just good enough that we have salvation but he is coming for a bride with a pure heart. We cannot be perfect but he is looking for “perfect repentance”. A bride who is desiring to be holy as her bridegroom is holy. Here is the message below:

The Lord Jesus is preparing us Heartdwellers. He’s on Hisway and wants His Bride ready.

Jesus began “Getting ready. Getting ready to meet Me. Preparing their hearts before My mirror and asking forgiveness for what they see that is not right. “All these years My people have gone one of two ways: being constantly guilty or constantly OK – like, ‘nothing wrong here.’ But now I am asking for a deeper look. A more candid look, not glossing anything over. It is incomprehensible to you, My children, the demands of personal holiness. Because of My mercy, much is overlooked. But rather than be shocked, as that young boy Nathan was when he stood before his audience and his sins were revealed. I want you to spend time with My Holy Spirit and ask Him to reveal the darkness still inside of you.

“When you discover it, I don’t want you going over the deep end. I already knew it was there. All I want for you to do is confess it, ask forgiveness and make a resolution in your heart to avoid those sins and pray for the grace not to repeat them. You see, though you fall and are not perfect, because you confess and work on it I will forgive you and continue to pour out the graces you need to finally overcome your faults. You do not have to be perfect but you do need to be perfectly repentant

“The heart of this exercise is preparation and readiness to face Me. So much will be forgiven and removed on the way up to Heaven, but I do insist that you forgive everyone that ever offended you. I don’t want this experience marred by unforgiveness.

“What may help you in that area is that whoever was a challenge and injured you, had My permission. I am not the author of evil, but I did allow it as a challenge in loving others and dying to yourself. So, ultimately you can only blame Me for allowing it. Therefore be sure that you forgive the person, that you forgive yourself, and that you forgive Me. Cover all three bases. Ask Me to remove the root of bitterness you allowed to grow in your heart and defile it. There most certainly is a root of bitterness in every one of you. It is your job, with My Holy Spirit to identify it, renounce it and pray I will remove it.

“This exercise should not take you long, and it will not hinder your going into eternity. There are many of you that could be detained for unforgiveness. If you have bitterness in your heart, it is the ugliest of stains and will show right on the front of your wedding gown. So, be sure to rid yourself of that. Disarm it. By that I mean, refuse to allow it to pull you into a fury. Renounce this anger and unforgiveness in My Name, and refuse to connect with it. If you are faithful to make an honest effort, I will surely be faithful to totally remove it.

“Selfishness is another flaw that you should repent of. Look for those times when you could have done something for another but didn’t bother. Either because you didn’t want to or you didn’t feel up to it. Do you know that many times I heal a malady because you went out of yourself to give, even when you were sick? There is a dynamic here.

“Satan knows ahead of time, sometimes, that a test is coming, or that you will rub shoulders with someone really in need. So he sends demons to push all your buttons, get you upset and distracted so you miss the good deed you should have done. This is oh, so common. When you see a multitude of things pushing your buttons, be on the look out for the ‘why’ of all those distractions. Is there someone coming to you for help, is there a meeting planned, is there an occasion of some sort?”

I would just like to say something here. Before ministry appointments? Oh, my goodness. We get barrages of provocative situations to wear us out before our appointment. This is so typical. I remember all the way back, I can remember these occasions all the way back 25 years ago, where the enemy tried to get us upset before an appointment.

Jesus continued, “Understand that the demons also have limited energy, so they pick their opportunities to trouble you according to the importance of what is coming up in your life. If it is very important and they know about it ahead of time (which they mostly do because they alert one another that such and such is going to happen or so and so is on the way) they quickly put 2 and 2 together, seeing that there is an occasion of virtue and helping another soul in need. They try to distract you or get you to cancel the meeting. Or they wear you out so you have nothing left for that person I’m sending you. Who, by the way, was very important to Me

Another thing to be aware of in selfishness is the self-important attitude, ‘I’m to busy for the likes of you.’ The ‘you aren’t important enough to me to stop what I’m doing.’ attitude. This is abhorrent to Me. Now we are getting into PRIDE, which is truly at the root of all evil. Selfishness will lead to Pride and selfrighteousness. Look for those times when your conscience twinged and you ignored it. Those are very good indicators of hidden sin.

“My Beautiful Bride, I am not saying these things to make you feel badly. I am saying them so you will stand clean before me. Sin is dirty. Unconfessed sin continues to be dirty. But sin confessed and forgiven exists no longer, it has been cancelled out. I want all My Brides to have their sins cancelled out.

“Self-will, selfish ambition and jealousy that cause you to follow your own path rather than Mine, are also important to confess. If you are not sure, better safe than sorry. Better knowing that you recognized it than hiding it and having Me bring it up. Oh, so much better.

“Here is a list for you to use in checking your behavior: Fear, Pride, Jealousy, Judgment, Anger, Laziness, Greed (acquisition), Gluttony, and Lust.

“Pay particular attention to those things that you do habitually when you know in your spirit you should be doing otherwise. They are an indication of disorder in your life and idolatry, because you put them before Me. These are indeed wrinkles in your dress.

“As I said before, this is not to discourage or reprimand you. It is to prepare you to meet Me without spot, wrinkle or blemish.

“A spot is something you allow to defile you, something you watch you shouldn’t have watched, something you said you shouldn’t have said, a feeling you engaged that you should have rejected.

“A blemish is an indication of inner contamination of the spirit. It comes up because something isn’t right inside. It could be an attitude that contaminates everything you do, like selfishness, fear, retaliation.

“A wrinkle is formed by a long-standing habit of sinful or disordered behavior. Having to work on Sunday, because you are in debt over your head, is the symptom of a wrinkle. The avarice caused you to want and to buy, then to pay it off you must deny Me the time I ask you to set aside every week for rest and rejuvenation with Me.

“Some of you are forced to work on Sunday or the Sabbath because that is the only work you could get. I am not legalistically condemning you for this. Did I not pick grains on the Sabbath? Did I not heal on the Sabbath? There is an attitude of heart that is so greedy that every spare moment is used to procure what is wanted.

” Wow…do I know about that…

“There is another attitude of heart that sets aside another day for Me when the appointed days are taken up out of necessity

“I wish for you not to get into arguments about which day of the week is holy. I will not instruct you on this, because it leads to a religious spirit. I want your heart, not your lip service and obedience to the law. Yes, I can hear the stones flying through the air now. This attitude of heart is deadly to a personal relationship with Me. You will note, it was the scribes and pharisees that refused their hearts to Me, because I did not support their Sabbath rules in a way suitable to them.

“Do you know what one of their main concerns was with Me? I threatened their income from the sale of sacrifices and coin changing. Yes, they garnered quite a nice income on all that went on in the temple

precincts and their greatest threat was that they no longer would have an income from these illicit activities. That is a wrinkle. The habit of having more and better caused them to twist their consciences in order to provide for their excesses.

“Some of you, especially the young ones, will over-react in fear to this. Please, My precious dear ones, this is not condemnation of you. It is to make you aware of the righteousness of God and how very deep it goes. Most of you do not have properly formed consciences. You were not raised on the Word in a holy household. So I must take you back to those roots and reveal to you how some of the things you were never taught are important.

“But I am not a legalistic God. I am full of mercy, understanding and forgiveness. I want your heart. I want you to love Me, to trust Me, to come to Me and speak with Me about your weaknesses, your sin and insecurities and fears. I want to help you overcome these things.

“If you have something you cannot change and you fear it is displeasing to Me, talk to Me about it. I will help you.It may not even be wrong-doing on your part. It may very well be from the father of lies, who is continually trying to make you feel badly about yourself.

“Yes! Condemnation is his favorite tool. Why, you ask? Because if he can convince you that you are bad and worthless, and that I am a severe judge, you will avoid Me and never come into My arms and trust Me.

“So, do not over-react to this message. Rather take it as a checklist. You are going on a journey, you need to get your things together. Work on your list and I will help you with each thing you are afraid to face. Use your Bible Promises to verify whether something is right or wrong. Watch for things in your environment, a sign from Me: a bird singing, a heart shape in your food or a leaf on the ground. A love song in the store, a sweet wash of contentment suddenly flooding over your soul. These are ways I encourage you and show you that I am not only with you but I approve of you and all your efforts are indeed pleasing to Me.

“So, what I am telling you, in a nutshell, is simply prepare yourself in repentance to meet Me. Just as you would wash and shower before a big event, wash yourself in My love and forgiveness. Don’t be afraid to confess anything. Remember, I was there when it happened and I will forgive what you confess. Let’s do this together.

“I am all for you, I will sustain you in your weakness, I will not abandon you. I love you deeply, do not be afraid.”

“University is not necessary. Anointing, compassion and love are necessary. I will provide ALL these things. Unless I specifically lead you to Bible College, you can be equipped right where you are by simply going about doing good, studying Scripture, praying. Praying for others and seeking Me. Trust Me that I reward good wills. You cannot out-give Me. If you prove by your sincerity that you want with all your heart to serve Me, start with what you already have and add to that. I will do all the rest.

“Learning brings pride; charity edifies.

-Jesus

(still small voice youtube channel)

Recently I was asked from a youtube subscriber “how to prepare for ministry” and I told her you don’t. The Lord is the one who prepares you. Many times when we realize we have a call of God on our lives we rush trying to fulfill that call. Not realizing its the Lord himself who will direct your path and lead you into your purpose as you do all things WITH HIM. Furthermore, we live in a generation were many Christians seem to follow other Christians rather than following Jesus. We have conformed to the standard of man ways rather than the move of the Holy Spirit. So when many hear the call of God upon their lives we naturally think we then have to go to school, find a spiritual covering, get involved in a ministry somewhere and find out our gifts which are all good. However, I have come to know Gods ways are definitely not our ways and his way is always THE WAY OF LOVE.

John 13:35A new commandment I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so also you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are My disciples,if you love one another.

That is indeed Gods Seminary his way of educating and training not only those he loves. but those he calls No seminary can teach you the lessons that God can and humble in the process. You see Gods seminary refines you, kills all of self love and transforms you into the image of Christ not your favorite teacher, preacher or saints before us. Their lives are a great example for us to follow but, we must follow Jesus. As a close friend said to me a few days ago “That Nana you know your walk with the Lord is a litte cooky, is doesnt look like a cookie cutter christian” LOL. I had to laugh because Christianity was never meant to be cookie cutter and we have made it like that when the Lord reminds Nicodemous that those who are born of the Spirit are like the wind, they are led by the Spirit of the Lord.

John 3:8The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit.”

So to walk with Jesus is to go wherever he tells you, when he tells you and how he tells you. Not obtaining knowledge that we may know more scripture, more revelation, more prophecy, more power and gifts of the spirit but to become love itself. Which is to truly become like Christ for God is love.

So welcome to a prelude of God’s Seminary : The University of Love

Curriculum

Lesson 1: To Know Your Identity In Christ-experiencing how much God love you and what he says about you

Lesson 2: To love God with your whole hearts, body and mind– You will be stripped of all comforts you so easily run too rather than Jesus. Can be family, friends, food, a recreational activity, anything

Lesson 3: Trusting the Lord with your whole heart– You will be put in circumstances or situations that cause you to lean on the Lord and not your own understanding

Lesson 4: Trusting God with your provision– You will be stripped of your won “financially security” so you can come to trust God to provide

Lesson 5: Forgiving all grievances- The Lord will allow those closest to you to hurt you just to see how quick you will forgive them.

Lesson 6: Purity of Heart- The Lord will began to convict you of wrong heart attitudes and thoughts. Also break down your pride so you desire his will above all else

Lesson 7: Love your enemies, Praying for them– The Lord will allow betrayal, rejection, people to speak against you, use you and persecute unjustly so that you may pray for them and love them despite the offense

Lesson 8: Give to the Poor and Needy– The Lord will will began putting opportunities of those around you who are in need. He will call you to give away your possessions. Give to those in need around you, taking care of them.

Lesson 9: Fear the Lord and not Men- The Lord will test you in situations many times painful where you will have to make a decision to follow Him or follow men, the census, the trend?

Lesson 10: Wearing the crown of scorn and contempt– The Lord will allow those around you to scoff and mock at you just so you can learn brotherly love and be free from men’s opinion

Lessons 11: Brother Love- The Lord will began to test you and teach you how to truly love your brothers and sisters in Christ. Honoring others above yourself

Welcome to the first semester of Gods University of Love. Lessons you will indeed take many, many, many times and cannot get from any seminary or church but only from experiences the Lord puts you in too refined you and teach you. Please don’t run from the process or worse drop out. How too many drop out finding it to hard or not at all what they thought so would rather go the “cookie cutter way”. Not realizing that Gods’ University of Love although painful, bewildering and sorrowful at times is the fasted way to maturity, holiness, transformation, intimacy and the anointing of God. That’s the way to true discipleship, so allow the spirit of the Lord to lead and prepare for HIS MINISTRY.

Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.

Psalm 23:4Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

A quick word of encouragement!

The Lord put in on my heart during prayer that many may be going thru what you call ” a valley of the shadow of death” but remember that first your in a valley where many think the mountain top is where you want to be. But it is in the valley where the Lords graces flow for just like water in a river it flows in the lowest of places. Secondly, the enemy is taunting you with shadows of death…death to your health, your name, your family, your marriage, finances, your children, a promise God gave you, your destiny but we must remember its “shadows” . The enemy would love for us to think that its real but all he knows to do is create smoke screens and magnify shadows which always appear bigger than the image its reflecting. So saints began to be encouraged, praise God in the valley because his grace is so abundance in your weakness, and shine a light on that shadow by declaring God word his promise over that situation that looks dead and continue walking….walking with Jesus. The enemy would love to have you stop walking or even turn around in this valley. NO, continue walking knowing that God is with you and he in fact led you in this valley for a purpose knowing that all things good and bad are allowed by the hand of God and he indeed will use it for your good and bring songs of joy in due time.
-From Jesus with Love

9/24/18
After yesterday’s message on Still Small Voice the Lord mentioned that the rapture is imminent there is no more time IF WE DONT PRAY FOR MERCY and he is coming. I thought maybe I was called to stay behind and he confirmed yesterday I am called to go. So was disappointed to say the least I really felt I was called to be a part of the remnant but I am not. So came in worship to spend time with him and the first song that plays is of course “Providence” a song I have never heard before and the first line of the lyrics goes “ Your ways are higher than mine” . I then said okay Lord blaah sulking lol. Then into the 3rd song I heard a still small voice during worship say “I have a word for my people”, I dismissed it because usually I have to press in for a longer time really hear him but it seemed he wanted to talk right away. However I still began to worship thinking it would take more time to hear from the Lord so I felt a tug and reached from the bible promises for discernment to to confirm if it was the Lords will for me to speak to him now and I got
Peace: Philippians 4:7
The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and mind through Christ Jesus

Goodmorning, Lord I felt like you said you have a word for our people during worship so I want to be obedient Lord
Jesus what’s on your heart?

Jesus: (sigh)
If my people who are called by my name would humble themselves turn from their wicked ways I would heal there land but beloved they haven’t turned. They have not yielded to my council or even sought my wisdom. They continue to go on as business as usual when the world as they know it is coming to an end.
Me: ( telling myself in my heart Nasahhene don’t doubt.)

Jesus continued: “My beloved it is me I know your heart and hear many of your musing thoughts. Many of my warriors have fought the good race and now its time to bring them home while many aren’t ready. For those who have lived for themselves, for those who confess me with their mouth but hearts are far from me, for those who have lived hidden lives in darkness but publicly proclaimed me you will be left behind. Many are the trials of the righteous but the Lord delivers them from is all. For those who have given up everything for my sake, for those who have loved their neighbor, loved their enemies; those who hurt them but out of love for me you have forgiven them and live to please me, For those who are devoted to righteousness and hungering and thirsting for me I say to you. You will be taken. It will be surprise for many but don’t be disheartened with what you haven’t accomplished as I have told you heaven is only the beginning. All that you desired to do for me on earth you will do in heaven with ease all in preparation for when we return back. Men will need ministering. So your ministry will begin then”

Me: Lord so really here is no hope for mercy sorry u know I was thinking of marriage,seeing your power manifested in your endtimes army I am sorry Lord but I a bit disappointed or well a lot and all those souls who are lost now…there are so many who don’t know and will be lost for ever

Jesus: “Cease all your doubting beloved and trust in my providence as you pray even now those souls will obtain mercy that’s why I have you all still praying don’t stop you labor is not in vain concerning your family they will be transformed and zay zay will be healed”

Me: But marriage Lord

Jesus “Ah well (with a smile) beloved on the bright side you will have the wedding of your dreams ”

Me : (very cheeky) Yea Lord with you ?

Jesus: “yes beloved with me and a love you ant explain or have ever imagined on this side of heaven

Me: Help me Lord not my will but your will be done Lord thank what should I work on today

Jesus: “reach out to loved ones to see how their doing, build monuments of our love, work don’t lost hope continue to press forward in all I put on your heart to do the ministry page .Don’t stress just continue working steadily so when I come my bride is about her father’s business”

Me: okay Lord Help me to have all this truth sink in help me not harden my hear or be downcast Jesus would you grant me the grace of thankfulness and joy with expectation and please help me to be obedient to your will

Jesus: “yes dear that I will do”

-From Jesus with love

(The Lord has now mentioned there is in inkling of hope if we continue to pray for mercy and offer sacrifices to him. So saints please lets pray!)

2 Chronicles 7:14if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

Truly history indeed is not written by men, by circumstances, but by the many who choose to make a decision to seek the face of God to pray or not to pray. Prayer is so powerful and the greatest gift God has given his people. That unfortunately many times we rarely use or go to as a last resort when that should be our first resort. The God that we serve is so amazing and desires relationship with us so much so that he has made himself subject to his creation. Many think the nature of God is that He is distant, far off, not caring about the details of our lives and kind of watching to see how things play out. Furthermore, many believers have come to think that we cant change the mind of God because of this scripture.

Hebrews 13:8
Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

True Gods character can never change but we can change his mind. It amazes me that the creator of the universe give us us access to his heart that by our pleading in prayer we are able to move the heart of God in ever situation. That is so beautiful to me what a wonderful God we serve! There have been many times recorded in history where man and women have humbled themselves in prayer and the Lord heard from heaven and diverted many terrible situation. One powerful intercessor was St. Faustina who through prayers of meditation on the Lords Passion He held back the war by his mercy WW1 in Poland until her death where 700,000 people died.

Even in the bible there were stories like the nation of Nineveh, who received a call of repentance through the prophet Jonah. The whole nation then repented and Gods judgment was held back. Also, Esther without her intercession the whole Jewish nation would’ve been wiped out but, the Lord heard her cry and the Jewish people were saved and still live today. Nations, people, wars have been upheld or stopped through prayer. Many are perplexed with the sate of our nation or not even agreeing with the president God has appointed but only if we would submit to God will. As a church come together in unity and PRAY like never before to revisit the history of our nation. PRAY what we want our nation to become and cry out for Gods mercy we will see America be great once more and ONE nation under the TRUE GOD, Jesus Christ. So saints lets pray and re-write history!

The song ” I AM NO VICTIM’ from Bethel by Kristene DiMarco has been ringing through my head today even this morning when I got up. I knew it had to be the Holy Spirit and indeed it was for the words are so simple yet, so powerful. In this season,the battle and the fiery trials have been ferocious as I have been facing many challenges and things that have tested my faith like never before. Many times I have fallen, many, many times but, in Gods mercy he has picked me back up with his chords of loving kindness. Giving me the grace and courage to forge ahead. I didn’t realize that I was beginning to allow the trials to shape me rather than allowing the fire to refine me and Gods words to shape me. You see the Lord would warn me about fiery trials ahead so I would be prepared and be victorious in my response. However, I would find myself full of fear and anxiety. You see the Lord puts us through fiery trials to refine to clean up everything impure with in us.

Zechariah 13:9The Lord highlighted this word to me today that I released in 2016. I am feeling this word very strongly for many right now. Be encouraged!

How many times I have prayed that specific prayer. Lord burn everything in me that is not of you, consume me with the fire of your love but when I found myself in the fire I would easily become discouraged and allowing what I was going through to shape me rather then Gods fire to refine me. So that is where I have found myself utterly downcast, wounded, easily offended, sensitive to remarks against me, feeling rejected and alone. When the Lord reminds me in a rehma

” Do not fear the reproach of man nor be terrified by their insults rather pray for them for they are scourging me”

Even knowing the enemy will use the closest people around you to shoot his arrows with their words , God uses the closest people to refine you in charity. That when the arrows come you would respond in love and how difficult that has been for me if I may be honest. Through these trials many arrows in my identity have been attacked and I found myself doubting even believing some of them concerning my role in leadership feeling of not good enough, in friendship going thru betrayals, in relationships feelings of insecurity, in my relationship with Lord feeling judged by others. I would find myself looking for someone, a loved one I could run too, a confidant who would understand , who would comfort me but found no one….and I should find no one because Jesus is all of these. I found myself running back to him where I should’ve gone too in the first place as he began to impress on my heart..WHO DO I SAY THAT YOU ARE?

Jesus calls me

The anointed one,
His Servant who he has chosen
He has known me before the foundation of the earth
He has redeemed me and I AM his and He is mine
I am his beloved
I bring him delight
I AM beautiful
I share in his promises and have his divine nature
I AM a peacemaker
I AM a concquery
I AM a gift , a pearl of great price that he has won
I AM an intercessor
I have the gift of dancing on the devils head with my prayer and intercession
I AM his Warrior Bride
I AM Bold and Courageous like Joshua, a strong leader
The demons HATE that I never give up
I was created to dance in the fire
I AM Fearless and Brave
I AM Jesus’s Hotmess
I Am a laid down lover
I AM a priest
I AM a teacher
I AM a Disciple
I AM loved
I AM Forgiven
I AM not alone
I AM protected
I AM not rejected but accepted
I AM a child, a daughter of the King
I AM betrothed to the most powerful person in all the universe and he has given me authority
I have Greatness ahead of me
I AM a Holy Saint
I AM NO VICTIM!
He is crazy in love with me with all my weakness
He calls me his own very lowly tool of salvation

[Bridge]I am who He says I amHe is who He says He isI’m defined by all His promisesShaped by every word He saysOh I am who He says I amHe is who He says He isI’m defined by all His promisesShaped by every word He says

So who does God say you are? Allow his words to shape and define you. Not the storm, not the trials and definitely not what others say about you. You are not who they say you are but you are who God says you are!

At the Home of Martha and Mary

As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said.But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a]Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

So I was unaware that I had been “Martha, a runaway bride these past 2 months., running after things of the world and neglecting my sweet bridegroom Jesus. If I can be honest it has been somewhat dry in prayer for the past few weeks The Lord began to teach us how to hear his voice, have conversations with him and grow in discernment. So for the month of May and June I began to press in to really grow in that gift hearing from the Lord. It was rough many times since we have very really enemies that hate you to be intimate with Jesus. The demons will try all sorts of things, distractions, demonic thoughts, suggestion ad best of all sent lying spirit to speak and if you don’t discern you may write down what the Lord didn’t say. So to say the least, I would get so anxious at times attempting to write in my journal what the Lord said. However in his grace and mercy he began to teach me to come before him like a little child and just write what was on my heart. As I began to do that I was not only hearing from Jesus but having conversations with him but I began to get laxed as time when back and even walking in unbelief many times regarding what I would hear. So as time went on I stopped seeking conversations with him and I was just comfortable with a word or rhema.

I began to realize that my desire for prayer began to dampen subtly and I got more excited about “doing work” for Jesus. I got more excited in writing the blogs, doing the youtube channel, working on outreach and “doing ministry” forgetting the most important ministry as a bride of Christ is to tend to my bridegroom Jesus. How we easily forget that. Even in an earthly marriage we often hear the saying ” Your first ministry is your family”. Well I am hear to tell you ladies and gentleman too 🙂 the first ministry all of us brides have is to tend to our “Husband, bridegroom Jesus”. So I became a Martha, I found myself coming into his presence for direction on what to DO next but not just to spend time with him sadly. I would began getting frustrated when not hearing anything and would still use the rhemas to be directed by Holy Spirit. Thinking he was maybe being silent as a cross for me to bare for just the moment. Not realizing how far away I was from his heart. I mean don’t get me wrong I would still have extensive times in prayer but would find myself falling asleep or just not being able to connect with the Lord.

I began to be content with not drinking from the purest well, the Lords mouth concerning direction in my life which caused my faith to be shaky at times.

“Had she been listening to Me and Me alone, none of her time would have been wasted on these things. Rather, she would have been more productive for Me. Not self-centered, but God centered. Do you hear Me, My Bride? Oh, I do so hope you hear Me. Come along now, stop flirting with the world, return to My Pure Embrace, leave your self-seeking and striving behind you. I miss you, I miss the comfort of your arms, and your glance, and your embrace.

“I miss you.

That’s why I’ve called and called and called you back to Me. I wanted to save you from the error of your ways, of men’s ways and hold you close to My heart, where all is peaceful and edifying. But no, you have sought the noisy byways and high ways of the worldly. So, now is the time to turn from your own wisdom, your own strength, your own striving, your own thinking, and embrace Me. As you listen to My Heartbeat, all that you need to know about Me and My world will be disclosed to you with each beat of My Hear” -Jesus

So I ask you have you been a Martha? Have you been so caught up with “doing ministry” doing “things” for Jesus rather than BEING WITH HIM? Have you measured the success of your closeness with Jesus by the success of the work you do, your prayers answered or even the anointing you have? None of those things matter besides being with and there for our sweet bridegroom and getting clear direction from the one who knows it all. I believe this message is to encourage all that next month the Lord wants us to detach from so many distractions, worldly pursuits and work just to spend time in his arms. He need us, He need YOU and He needs me excited to get back into his resting arms

Isaiah 45:15 Truly, You are a God who hides Himself, O God of Israel, Savior!

When I would read in scripture about God hiding himself it almost always equated to sin. However, I believe many of us have gone through season where the Lord seems so far from us, distant if you will and then were always told no God is not far its just that we are far from him. This scripture really explains that indeed the Lord can and will hide himself from us from time to time as I am learning in this season of my life. He hides himself to test us, to grow us in trust and in blind faith in him.

I find myself in a season where I feel the Lord is calling me into an even deeper trust and truly blind faith in following him. As I am seeking God to discern his directions in certain decision in my life I am just not getting a clear answer, in fact nothing seems really clear. It feels really muddy as I am drudging along past lack of feeling, irritiabilites, fears and the unknown as i feel the Lord keeping saying ” will you trust me, will you trust me”. This has really been a test of faith for me as I look around with no fruit to show or motivate me to continue to labor on. The Lord reminds me will you labor in love of me only”. As I began to pray and ask him if he would give me the grace to love him more because honestly I find myself loving myself little bit more rather than wanting to endure.

I am beginning to realize that the seasons in our life are not like the season on earth or definitely not as short lol. Sometimes I tend to equate a change of the earthly seasons or even the year as a change in a season of my life. eeeh wrong (sigh) Candidly, as I struggle to stay encouraged and motivated as things still seem the same. Waiting for prayers to be answered in my family and my own personal life as I am still staying at my moms house, leading a church small group, managing a youtube channel, and work. I pictured myself as a little girl out in a huge field searching, looking for her Daddy ( Abba). As I frantically am calling out to him Lord where are you? Daddy where are you? I could just see him standing off which seemed like a distance but ever so near behind me but I didn’t realize it. That when the Holy Spirit began to impress upon my heart that ” When you seek me and I don’t answer you it is mostly likely a test, I sit and wait to see what you will do”

Psalm 26:2Test me, O LORD, and try me; examine my heart and mind.

So I am beginning to understand as we grow in maturity with the Lord he indeed has to hide himself from time to time to test us. To test our motives and to see if all that he has taught us is ingrained in our hearts and character. That without hearing him, without experiencing him, with out the “feeling” will we do his will? will we follow the ways of his heart? will we trust him? will we follow him in blind faith and do it anyway? Sad to say I have failed one too many times in these test but, I thank the Lord for his mercy and his ever so loving kindness that draws me back to pick me up again. Just to do it all over again….in hopes the next time I will pass the test!

Luke 22:42“Father,” he said, “if you will, take this cup of suffering away from me. Not my will, however, but your will be done.”

That was my face when I excitedly rushed into my room with this new and rather large jug of “juice” I had asked my sister to purchase for me to do communion. As I took my cracker thanking the Lord and taking my cup to gulp down this sweet wine, my face contorted as the juice touched my tongue. I thought to myself eeek what is this and in my knee jerk reaction I wanted to stop taking the juice but I knew I couldn’t because this was indeed Gods blood and I couldn’t reject that. At that very moment thoughts flooded my mind of the bitter cup that Jesus drank for me, for the whole world and he wanted me to have a taste of it. I had to laugh because I knew this was the doing of the Holy Spirit, he wanted me to have a real experience in tasting the Lord’s bitter cup and his body in my communion service. You see I had asked my sister to get me grape juice and without looking she got ” 64 Fl oz DIET cranberry -pomegranate juice” eeek its something awful. Taste like that medicine your parents had to force every child to take in order that you feel better. However, I recognized how witty the Holy Spirit was and smiled in that moment realizing this is the biggest communion juice I had ever purchased so I would be drinking this bitter cup for a while. Oh, brother lol

Communion is something I believe in the church can become something we do religiously taking it for granted. Many times we recite the same thing “thanking the Lord for his body and blood what was done on the cross so we may be free” forgetting the true meaning behind Eucharist. We can forget that when we take communion we are telling the Lord I will share with you in your suffering. I too Lord will drink this bitter cup. You see when Jesus was at Gethsemane in travailing prayer for what would have to come upon him to redeem the whole world he too reconsidered, hesitated to even drinking the cup but, yielded his will to the Father for his glory and because of love. Yet many times we are eager to take communion because its the first of the month at church or to remember our sins are forgiven forgetting we too are making a commitment to suffer with the Lord in these trying times. Then when we find ourselves in trials or inconveniences, hardships, tribulation we so desperately what to get out and be delivered quickly. Many of us even get angry with the Lord regarding what he allows in our life but…did you forget you drank the cup on that first Sunday at church. By taking communion you said ” Lord I too will drink this bitter cup of whatever you allow and I declare not my will be done but yours”.

Luke 22:19-20And He took the bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is My body, given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” In the same way, after supper He took the cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is poured out for you.

The Lord ask of us to do this in remembrance of him. In remembrance of what he suffered for us the humiliation, rejection, torture, betrayal, slander/reproach, shame, heartache, loneliness, isolation, brokenness to name a few but as he gave the cup he said this is my blood which is pour out for you. How many are willing to suffer for the Lord in this way because when you take communion that is what you are telling him. I too will drink the cup. I too will be poured out as a drink offering, a living sacrifice for you Lord. As I drink of this bitter cup and eat of your body yes, Lord I give my entire self to you as you have given your entire self to me, not my will but your will be done in my life.

Philippians 2:17But I will rejoice even if I lose my life, pouring it out like a liquid offering to God, just like your faithful service is an offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy.

So the next time you take communion I would encourage you to ponder over these things just for a moment to really connect with the heart of God before you partake of his blood and you eat of his body are you willing to be one with him in that way. If so as you drink the “sweet church juice” remembering for the joy set before him he endured his cross and how sweet that is for us all who would call upon him. So for the joy set before you endure patiently whatever trial that he allows joining your suffering to his knowing that he will restore every bitter moment in your life into sweet joy!