How to Write a Sparkling Sentence

Is your writing good enough? Can you persuade readers to contact you? And buy from you? Can you make your content easy to read, engaging, and inspirational?

Good writing isn’t as hard as it seems.

Let’s start at the beginning, shall we?

What makes a sentence good?

Picture yourself home alone. It’s Friday night.

You treat yourself to a glass of red Rioja Reserva, and you sit down in your favorite sofa to read the book you received from a friend. At last.

Your phone rings. But you let it ring. The neighbor’s dogs are barking, but for once you don’t hear them.

When you’re so engrossed in your book, you read complicated sentences with ease.

A sentence of 63 words? You gobble it up:

If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you’ll probably want to know is where I was born, and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don’t feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth.

~ J. D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye

Now imagine yourself at your desk, starting to read the first out of more than one hundred unread emails in your inbox. How much time do you allocate to each email?

You might read a short email word by word. But when it’s long? You glance. You skim. You try to extract its purpose as quickly as you can.

Most online readers are task-oriented (Empty that inbox! or Get that flight booked!). They’re not snuggled up in their favorite sofa, giving your words all their attention. They’re in fast mode. They’re itching to get a task done, so they can move on.

The adaptive palm rejection instantly knows whether it’s your hand or Pencil touching the page. So what?You can rest your hand on the screen and write from any angle. So what?You’ll forget you’re creating on a tablet.

The benefits show a superb mix of problems you avoid—no mistaking your hand for your stylus, no calibration, no setup—and positive benefits—write from any angle, forget you’re creating on a tablet.

Example 2: iPad Air

Not just a thinner display. A better display.

The displays on previous generations of iPad used three separate components. iPad Air 2 changes all that, combining those three layers into just one. This eliminates gaps between layers, along with the internal reﬂectance caused by those gaps. The result? Colors are richer, contrast is greater, and images are sharper and more vivid.

The two opening lines, and the question The result? might all be crossed out by your high school teacher because they’re broken. But these broken sentences add a dynamic rhythm to Apple’s writing. Read the paragraph aloud and you’ll hear what I mean. Apple copywriters are the masters of broken sentences.

The technical explanation is specific—three simple sentences explain why iPad Air 2 is thinner (because it fuses three layers into one), and why this means the display is better, too (no gaps so no internal reflectance).

After the technical explanation, the closing line returns back to the reader by explaining what it means for the reader to have a better display. This sentence harnesses the power of three—highlighting three benefits in a row (colors, contrast, and images).

Example 3: A curry (ready-made meal)

You’re in Vietnam. You’ve whizzed around Hanoi in a rickshaw. You’ve walked around admiring the rice fields and the meandering waterways of the Mekong Delta. You’ve smiled and nodded enthusiastically at some happy locals. And right now you’re settling down for a delicious, flavoursome meal of udon noodles, veg, tasty sauce and spices. Enjoy (chopsticks optional).

How specific can you get? Man Crates doesn’t tell us they dislike boring gifts for men. They tell us specifically what type of gifts they don’t like. Pretty clear, isn’t it?

The sentence We ship bragworthy gifts for guys is more persuasive after the explanation of what they don’t do.

Man Crates speaks strongly to their target audience. Note, for instance, the word bragworthy—according to some dictionaries it’s not even a word.

Example 5: Web hosting

Is your website up? More importantly, are search engines and subscribers receiving your content? If you are a content publisher, you need to know. But unless you are actually on the site, how do you know?

Want to speak strongly to your reader? Then enter the conversation already going on in your reader’s mind. That’s exactly what these questions do.

Did you find yourself quietly nodding yes, while reading these questions? When you start nodding yes, you’re more likely to say yes to their offer of web hosting, too. This is what psychologists call the consistency principle. Once we’re in the mood for saying yes, we keep saying yes. In my free snackable course I explain this power of the subtle nod.

Reader Interactions

Comments

Great take away for me is that short sentences are key to entering into the conversation the reader is already having. Thank you for super tips on crafting effective writing by using short sentences as a tool.

Interesting read Henneke. Creating content online is all about knowing your audience and trying to solve their problems. Your examples and explanation why they’re good explains how to address the problems of the reader. Without boring them. This post also has given me some pointers on how to approach busy people through email. Thanks for sharing.

One of the other points I have finally “gotten” is that my writing isn’t about me. Keeping even an idealised reader in my mind helps to get the material across. Hopefully with a bit of spunk! Thank you Henneke for another excellent post.

I always love reading your blog posts Henneke. You have a sharp way of simplifying things into useable bits and bites. I come from an academic background and when I started blogging I had to unlearn some of those old style, old school writing techniques. I’m sure some of them are still hanging about. This is a good reminder!

The first four sentences convey the hustle and bustle of a tourist’s busy day. Then the fifth, with its switch to the present (“And right now you’re settling down…”), perfectly mirrors the scene by slowing down to provide a relaxing ending.

Henneke, You’ve created another important information laden piece. I love it. And timely, as always. Perhaps you can answer a question…I have a sales page (for a concrete sealer product for driveways) to write. I’m thinking of approaching the writing with Example three – putting the reader in the picture, imagining they’re standing in their driveway (to collect their newspaper), with a cup of cofee. They’re admiring their driveway – after three years of having this $20K investment done. Holy crap! Is that a crack? It could all be avoided with this producet….then list the features/benefits, etc. I’d love your thoughts… Keep up the fantabulous work, by the way. Thank you.

I am a true detractor of text in general, maybe because of my profession, but if it isn’t almost self explicative, we have a problem. Being concise in the corporate world is such a difficult task. In fact, I had quite a struggle trying to redesign our corporate web page. I am surrounded by people who rationally agree on what you say, but refuse to summarize when dealing with our own texts/webs. Maybe this article will inspire them 🙂

In How to Write a Sentence, Stanley Fish calls John Updike’s little ditty on “what it was like to see Ted William — the Kid, the Splendid Splinter — hit a home in his last at bat in Fenway Park on September 29, 1960” one of the greatest sentences of all time.

Whenever I come across articles about good sentences, then all examples come from fiction. I thought it would be nice to write a business version of how to write a good sentence. And I guess in business writing we should be even more focused on the reader than in fiction?

Having said that, Kurt Vonnegut also advocated writing for one reader: “Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.”

I’ve found that the best tutorials / books / courses use carefully selected examples to illustrate, explain, and teach. Without examples, it’s difficult (impossible?) to move from information to teaching, and from abstract to concrete how-to.

Yes, you’re right – it’s not about sharing what we know, and it’s not about impressing readers because of what we know. It’s about helping readers – to encourage them, to inspire them, to help them make the right decisions.

In the case of Mancrates, I think it’s important to stress that these are gifts for guys (even though I bet some girls like these gifts, too), but it’s part of their image. Have a look at their site and you see what I mean.

To check how self-centered Apple’s copy is, I once counted how often they use “you” vs their brand names (this was for the iPhone 5): “The sales copy uses the word iPhone 81 times. And the name Apple is used an additional 26 times. But the words you and your are used even more often: 110 times. That means that one in 23 words of the sales copy is you or your.” So, I probably just picked a few sentences that didn’t include “you”.

Writing for business is nothing like academic writing. And short sentences are truly the key to keep people engaged and entertained.

I especially liked the examples you provided, especially the Apple one. After reader that, I had to check it out for myself at some of Apple’s copy and you’re correct. They do use a lot of broken sentences … but it adds intrigue to their copy and it works.

The curry example is awesome. The flow, the pace, the words all adds to the whole experience and imagery.

Oh, and the “so-what” example was good too. It really helped answer the readers questions as to why they needed to know that information.

Apple’s copywriting is the best because it manages to persuade me that I really need features that I didn’t even know I needed. “Colors are richer, contrast is greater, and images are sharper and more vivid.” Hey, I started thinking about upgrading from iPad third gen. to Air 2 because I needed a faster CPU and more memory. Did I know or care about the screen image quality, which was great already? No…but once Apple made me aware, the desire (perceived need) for the device became even more compelling. And they sure now how to make the mundane sexy!

Yep, I agree – that’s exactly their focus. They use, for instance, the word “new” numerous times. And often they don’t find “new” enough, so they use “all new” or “entirely new”. They also use phrases like “re-imagined” – just to make us aware that this is not an upgrade, but something completely new and we really really have to get a new iPhone or iPad even though our old one is still fully functional 😉

And it came at just the right time—when I had to write an intro with all the same qualities. But I wasn’t on my couch sipping a glass of Rioja. I was in the center seat, elbow to elbow with two large snoring people on cross-country red eye flight, trying to pound it out before my laptop’s battery expired.

Great information! As a writer, this is definitely helpful. Sometimes, the struggle is trying to get the audience’s emotions without saying too much. Do you have any suggestions how we can make it short yet direct and filled with emotions?

Think about the purpose of each sentences. Not every sentence requires emotion. Some sentences are simple and factual. That’s fine. Emotional sentences will attract more attention when they stand out.

When writing a more emotional sentence, think about your favorite reader – what emotion is he feeling about your topic? Try to make the emotion as specific as possible, and keep in mind don’t always have to describe the emotion itself – you can demonstrate the emotion. Instead of they were bored, you can write they were fidgeting on their seats, glancing at their watches. Instead of she was frustrated, you can write she’s pulling out her hair.

Hi, another great article. I have a question for you. To briefly introduce what I do, I am interning at a water forum, an organization that connects water-related companies with ministries or foreign companies. They hired me to work on the website since it is very outdated. First, upgrading the content of member companies. Mostly in the field of water resources, wastewater treatment, hydropower equipment…you get the gist. Engineering sites are usually very bland and their content makes you drowse. What I need to do is create ”marketable” member company profiles in about 3-4 sentences. Do you think your words of marketing wisdom are applicable in this scenario? I’ve been stuck. All of them claim the typical ‘good quality’ ‘world-class’ or describe their products and services range in the most least attractive way.

Yes, I can imagine the challenge. Try to find some facts on their sites, e.g. when they were established, where they’re based, whether they specialize in specific projects, what type of clients they work with, any point of differentiation about the products, even things like who their founder is or what their first or most recently launched product is, or their bestseller. Details like these can help make the profiles less bland and more interesting. You’ll start to sound more like a journalist and less like a marketer 😉

Thanks so much for your excellent suggestions, Henneke! I’m just starting to market my own product. Coming from an academic background, I was really struggling with the writing aspect. I love your tips. I’m learning to inject energy and a bit of pizzazz into my text, thanks to your suggestions.

Especially in marketing, how your audience responds to your content all depends on your writing style. I always recommend trying out different styles and personas, after a period of time you will be able to see what your audience prefers.

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About Henneke

I never saw myself as a writer, but in my early forties, I learned how to write and discovered the joy of writing. Now, I’d like to empower you to find your voice, share your ideas and inspire your audience.Learn how I can help you