Sunday, May 9, 2010

divorce

I would not wish divorce on my worst enemy... I struggle daily with the choices I made at a young age. Many times I wish I could take it all back, make it all go away.... And many times that I am thankful for the lessons I learned and continue to learn because of it.It made me realize what I wanted and needed as a husband and father. It made me realize that I am a strong person and am capable of much more than I realize. It made me have a Jake!But YES, it is very difficult every single day. Especially to see my sweet little boy sad because of the effect it has and continues to have each and every day.To see how he feels so torn and so sad that we "just can't get along."To hear to harsh words that are spoken.. (And I try my best to only speak positive despite what is thought.)I was told i didn't deserve mother's day.. let alone to even be a mother today.... Hard to hear on your special day. What's even harder, is to see your little boy shed a tear and act sad all day because he heard the mean things that were said.In a perfect world I would love a nice relationship... Even though it did not work out between us. I would even be grateful to have a business relationship. Nope, probably not the hand I was dealt. I do try.... Really hard! But for some reason it just isn't recognized:(Maybe just for Jake??? One can wish and hope!But I am so thankful that I have Brad who comforts me so much when I am down, who tries so hard to be supportive and lift my spirit and Jake's for that matter!That's my vent for the week.

Ugh! Having been through a divorce....I know it's the hardest thing ever! So sorry it's tough with the ex! I feel for you and Jake. Jason (my ex) and I are good friends but.....we don't have kids together and I know it would be different if I did.