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Yet another weekend of the consistently bad summer for movies. Ironically, the best of the bunch–and that’s very relative–is a kids movie, “Ramona and Beezus.” The two other new choices are feminist fantasies with no bearing on reality.

* “Salt“: This thriller is a far-left, anti-American feminist’s wet dream, in which an anorexic woman (Angelina Jolie) can physically beat up men who are not only bigger then her, they’re several times bigger. Sorry, but in the real world, that ain’t gonna happen. But in the feminist fantasy, yes, a tiny woman can beat up all the men. And don’t forget that Skankelina Jolie is openly very anti-Israel, pan-Muslim, pro-Syria, and compared US Immigration Enforcement to Hitler. (See also here.) She’s visited and hung out with Palestinian refugees in Jordan, the human rights abusing Assads of Syria, and Egyptian America-haters. If you see this movie, that’s who you are patronizing. And while we’re at it, a Muslim CIA mole would have been far more timely, believable, and appropriate than a Russian one, as is the premise of this movie.

Plus, the movie would have been more exciting if I hadn’t figured it out–figured out the twist and who the bad guys were–in the first five minutes. You see enough of these stock thrillers, it gets easier and easier. And while Angie Voight (that’s her real name) pretentiously said she wanted to play James Bond, not a Bond girl, the stunts and feats in this movie are even more ridiculous than those of Bond. I mean, really, jumping diagonally down an empty eight story elevator shaft–across the shaft one whole floor at a time without succumbing to the forces of gravity!–it’s just not credible. Ditto for a lot of the other stunts. Just laughable.

This role, about a suspected Russian spy who has infiltrated the CIA, was originally written for Tom Cruise. And aside from the fact he’s a male and stronger, he’d also have been more believable, especially since–unlike horrid actress, Skankelina Jolie–he actually can act. Her one-dimensional monotone delivery of bad, cheesy lines about marriage, love, and spying was absurd. But she’s in the movie for one reason: her looks (helped by blonde and black wigs to cover her thinning hair and balding scalp).

The story: a female undercover CIA agent (Jolie) is married to a German scientist who studies spiders. One day a Russian KGB agent comes to the building that is her and other CIA’s cover. He says he wants to defect and declares that she, Evelyn Salt, is a Russian agent and will attempt to kill the Russian President at the Vice President’s funeral in New York, the next day. We’re told it will be “Day X,” the start of all kinds of harm designed to take America down.

Soon, Salt is fleeing her fellow CIA agents, and we don’t know, at first, whether or not she’s actually a Russian agent, but we suspect that she is. We also learn that there was a program in place by a Russian KGB official to train young kids to become American sleepers who blend in and infiltrate the highest levels of the U.S. government.

Again, while it’s timely, given the recent outing of a cell of domestic Russian spies, it’s really not because those were run of the mill civilians who weren’t–as far as we know–effective. We’ve seen far many more instances of Muslims infiltrating the military, the White House, the Pentagon, etc., with great success. When Hollywood has the guts to do a movie on that and its dangers–and Skankelina Jolie has the guts to star in it–then I’ll find it more credible and worthy.

This was a decent thriller (lots of action and heart-pounding stuff, though it is quite slow at times and way too long), but for the reasons I’ve noted, it doesn’t really cut it.

ONE MARX

Watch the trailer . . .

* “Ramona and Beezus“: Based on the Beverly Cleary kids’ books of the same name, this movie was cute and fine for its intended audience, young girls. 10-year-old actress Joey King is cute as Ramona, the kid who is smart but always getting into trouble at school. Ditto for Selena Gomez as Beezus. I liked that there is a nuclear family in this one–ie., a father and mother who are still married and living in the same house. And I especially liked that the father–John Corbett–is a cool and loving father, who is involved in his kids’ lives, not usual for Hollywood.

It’s fine for your kids and good for the whole family. But remember, it’s aimed at kids, so for adults, it may be slow and boring.

TWO-AND-A-HALF REAGANS (for kids)

Watch the trailer . . .

* “The Kids Are All Right“: This is another feminist fantasy. It’s the feel-good lesbian-family, sperm-donor dysfunctional movie of the year.

A lesbian couple (Julianne Moore and Annette Benning), who like to watch gay male porn together as they give each other oral sex, are moms to a son and daughter. Charming. Ick #1. One lesbian gave birth to the son and the other gave birth to the daughter. Both were from the same sperm bank donor father. The son wants to learn the identity of his father. Since the daughter is 18 and headed to college, she inquires on his behalf.

Soon after that Ruffalo meets the lesbian moms and starts a sexual affair with Julianne Moore. Ick #3. Annette Benning discovers the affair, they get into a fight, and then make up. The end.

Hey, dysfunctional lesbian families from sperm donors are just like all other American families who care for each other and have day to day problems–that’s the message they want you to come away with after viewing this pro-gay marriage propaganda film.

31 Responses

But why is it far Left? Nothing you said really shows it being far Left. It sounds like its just a mindless girlie-power action flick. Could you update your review to give some examples of the far Left elements of the film?

Interesting Lefty Hollywood finds Russia’s SVR more threatening than Islamist terrorists. About the latter, they won’t make a thriller – as long as America is in denial about Islam.

The other movie really shows how dysfunctional lesbian relationships really are. There’s no role for a man and a father in a woman’s life today? Call me when Hollywood brings it back into fashion again!

NormanF writes, “There’s no role for a man and a father in a woman’s life today? Call me when Hollywood brings it back into fashion again!” One place where I do find it, in a fashion, is in the TV series “Castle”. It’s an off-beat take off on the crime fighting buddy movie, but the side story of the nuclear family (father, grandmother and daughter) provides much of its charm. The publicly roguish Castle is, at the same time, a devoted father to a maturing but loving daughter, patient with his adventurous mother. Even the lady detective is drawn into the family dynamic. All positive. What’s not to like?

I saw “SALT” and it is absolutely a feminist’s nocturnal emission. She beat up more guys than James West (Wild Wild, West)could on his best day. It is consistant with the sign of the (empowering broads) times, where the lead detective is a broad- ala Cold Case, Castle, Law&Order etc.

Of course all the guys on these shows are portrayed as- generally white, unqualified, mentally-challenged buffoons who couldn’t solve a case unless the “woman” figures it out. In the P/C world of a Jerry Bruckheimer production- chicks rule! Yeah Jer…that’s real.

Tiny, anorexic. Right there. This is part of the reason why the “popcicle stick” look is being forced down the throats of every female, and to make them beleive that a tiny chick could beat up people bigger than her.

They distort reality into what they think it should be, and if you don’t think the same way as them…then you’re the enemy and should not exist, nor should your words.

Hell, the name “Salt” has to be the worst name for a movie. Now the Dead Moon Circus aka Hollywood is even running out of names for their flicks.

Pretty sad when the only decent movie is a kid flick.
I’m sure mine will want to see it. OK with me, but I’ll wait for the DVD rental.
Selena Gomez is likeable and actually a pretty decent actress for a Disney star, unlike most. The next Annette Funicello…hmmm…maybe.

I liked Salt a lot and did not find it leftist or feminist. Salt (Jolie) has a loving relationship with her husband, offers to cook him pancakes, is extremely devoted to him. She is NOT (in the film) a leftist or feminazi in any shape or form unless you consider her extraordinary running, jumping and fighting abilities “leftist.” These abilities are exaggerated, but no more than in any typical Bond movie.

I personally perceived the values and orientation of this movie as conservative. The screenplay was written by Kurt Wimmer who earlier wrote the movie Law Abiding Citizen (starring Gerard Butler), the story about the vigilante who gets tired of the corruption of the liberal courts and so somewhat justifiably wreaks havoc; there is no question that this earlier screenplay was written to appeal to conservatives tired of criminals getting off on technicalities. Now comes this movie which is reminiscent of Cold War political thrillers like Torn Curtain, Notorious and No Way Out. It was very old fashioned (in a good way) in its tone and appeal. There were no rogue CIA officers who are either clueless bunglers or greedy, amoral psycopaths (the latter as in the Bourne movies). Everyone is highly competent and sincerely motivated on both sides of the divide, and that in itself diverges from the liberal narrative which usually assumes that real patriotism is a fiction.

The movie is topical for two reasons: first, because of the network of female Russian moles just this last month uncovered, and second because a newly re-energized and dictatorial Russia really is more of a threat these days than it was ten years ago. I’m all for movies which highlight the Middle Eastern Muslim threat, but this movie was more about Cold War espionage than terrorism, and that’s appropriate, too, I think.

Angelina Jolie may very well be hateful in her attitude towards Israel, but one thing I do like is hearing about the loud and rancorous brawls she has with husband Pitt where apparently (to her husband’s horror) she loudly and openly ridicules Obummer. I would love to be a fly on the wall watching Pitt’s utter shock at such heresy.

As for Ramona and Beezus, I liked this movie, too–a lot. It was very sweet and endearing. I felt like I was watching Theodore and Wally on Leave it to Beaver, except with girls. This is about a warm-hearted family with with good, decent values–something like Little House on the Prarie. Corbett plays a loving, involved father, but there is a progressive edge to the movie because he plays the role more of a traditional mom than dad–more a Caroline Ingalls than a Charles. I guess showing a dad filling a traditional role like a Jim Anderson or Ward Cleaver would perhaps cause an uprising by disgruntled mothers in the audience, so maybe the producers knew best in this case.

Sometimes I wonder if your hatred for all things Muslim slants your opinion about a movie, based soley on an actors past words or deeds you disagree with…

In the case of “Salt” I think it did. Sure, the unbelievable fight and action scenes are possibly more obvious here than in most, but so what??? EVERY new action/thriller has to top past movies with scenes that are “beyond” believability…it’s an absolute hard and fast rule these days. How ELSE do you get people to shell out their bucks…especially when you need an actress with a NAME and a FACE to attract the male viewers…even if she is slightly anorexic.

Really, don’t blame “Hollywood” for trying to make a movie people will want to see that’s their job!

Dave, the problem with Hollywood is not that it makes movies that “people will want to see.” If they wanted to do that, they would make more conservative, less liberally ideological films. The problem is that the people shaping and producing the movies have a political agenda that they want to shove down our throats whether we will pay for it or not. You can see the same thing going on in the LSM, where newspapers are on the verge of extinction because they omit news that is half-way interesting (like the recent Black Panther voting scandal–Panthergate)and instead serve only the pap that supports their goals. It is a real mistake to believe that Hollywood, the newspaper industry, and broadcast news are interested only in making a buck; they are quite willing to lose a bundle if only they can further the cause of their envisioned fascist utopia.

As for your point that Philip Noyce, Wimmer and the others behind Salt made Jolie run and jump down elevator shafts and onto speeding trucks essentially to pander, that is, because “people want to see that,” well, sure, I like watching this kind of exaggerated action just as I like reading about Odysseus outwitting the Cyclops–does that mean I’m stupid? I think exaggerated action of this kind in the service of a film that props up good, decent values (rather than as is more typical in the service of a film that is deconstructive and cynical like the Bourne series) has merit in itself, whether it draws people into the theater or not.

I can always tell the women who have seen too many films like “Salt”. They start fights with men and end up hospitalized.

Here is a hint : In professional boxing, unless it is a heavy weight fight, the boxers rarely have more than an 8 pound weight advantage over their opponents. Angelina Jolie is probably 100 lbs lighter than the guys she “Beats up” in the film. See the problem?

Eddie Murphy talked about it in “Raw” where he says its basically impossible for him, at 165, to beat up a 200 lb guy except through the “Magic” of Hollywood. Murphy’s father was an avid boxer who used to beat the crap out of him in their basement boxing ring.

Oh would you simmer down with the demented political opinions. It is highly improbable that the actors personal opinions will have an affect on the quality of film and the fact that every review you write is spent the majority of badmouthing the cast and I’ve barely ever seen you actually analyze the quality of a film beyond how your broken mind perceives it on the political chart. Maybe if you just turned off and watched the movie you’d be able to enjoy a wider range of films than the low IQ movies that your supposed to set your lobes in standby for.

Also, how dare you spoil Madmen already it hasn’t even aired on the west coast yet. Statute of limitations!

the misandrist angle, of women being physically superior to men, has permeated all media. it’s the norm when portraying any physical confrontation between men and women.

i’m wondering if women (and men?) are starting to believe this false meme? at some point; is life going to begin imitating art? are women really fooled into believing that their limp-wristed girly punches can violently impact a mans’ body in the same way a mans’ half-punch can debilitate the average woman?

i fully expect someday that some random chicks will threaten to kick my ass… or start shoving me like some playground bully in the grocery store… then what do i do? let’s say some broad slugs me in the kisser, and i defend myself in kind, what would happen next? i’d be arrested and wind up in prison. she’d sue my ass. and of course society at large would condemn me and then women would be doubly emboldened to attack men knowing we’re to be easily emasculated and humiliated or we risk our freedom! it’s effing crazy!

Ugh. This business about actresses being anorexic, way too thin, stick figures, bags of bones, etc. etc. is so far off the mark, and is based on people loving their burgers and sugar sodas and wanting to excuse the doughy figures they see reflected in the mirror. The fact is that our DNA is set up for us to look the way our ancient ancestors looked, which is to say, scavenging on nuts & berries and, rarely, food from a successful hunt. We’re supposed to be all sinew, muscle and bones, which is precisely why the pockets of people across the globe that astound because they routinely live to age 100 and beyond, are composed of people who look like that: mainly sinew, muscle and bones. If you feel like you’re about the right weight, unless you’re very unusual, you’re just plain wrong. You’re not the right weight – your overweight.

All the anti-gay, pro-white sentiments on this site. Wow, for folks who claim to want respect, from me, you won’t get it. As for the ignorant, hateful WASP Blondie-girl running this site (who loves Danica Patrick but hates the “baby mommas, ghetto-sounding named, criminally-active” players of the WNBA), she is truly biased, which is why these movie “reviews” are based solely on personal beef with actors and Hollywood in general. Leave it to movie critics and audiences who actually watch movies and not copy and paste half-reviews from other critics.

Have to agree with the slam on Salt. Just watched it (and didn’t “donate”, either) – and one of the worst movies ever. Much to my co-watchers (females) annoyance, I laughed throughout – the portrayal of police, CIA and Secret Service is akin to the treatment of bumbling fathers in the media. I’m sure that Jolie could actually take apart the 50 or more law enforcement officers she encountered in the movie – if they were Manila SWAT members storming a bus… Horrible horrible fantasy show – far from being a fan of women abuse, I was hoping someone would beat the ever loving crap out of this character all the way through. If people are wanting a sequel to this dreck, the end of times must be near…

I find some of the comments here inaccurate, others laughable. I loved “Salt” and don’t find it leftist at all. How the hell is it anti-American?? The woman was fighting FOR America. She wasn’t close to real anorexia; believe me, I’ve seen it. As for taking down big men, sometimes it’s all about where the punch lands. Having said that, I don’t remember her physically beating any significant number of men; when she took one down, it was generally through a gun. Typical that someone somewhere would have to over-criticize this awesomely exhilirating film (yes, I did find the action and suspense breathtaking and Jolie’s moves exhilirating. Realism sometimes just has to take a backseat, or I wouldn’t adore “Die Hard” the way I do).

“It is consistant with the sign of the (empowering broads) times, where the lead detective is a broad- ala Cold Case, Castle, Law&Order etc.”

Well boohoo, God forbid we have female leads. And seriously, calling the men in “Salt” stupid? Are you kidding? Her biggest opponent was brilliant, as was her ruthless trainer. And please: you can put down Jolie’s morals all you want, but Cruise does not, NOT, top her as an actor. In that category, she’s stunning.

Also, it shouldn’t really surprise anyone that Jolie’s character WAS superior in combat, considering the fact that she was super-trained by BOTH the CIA and top Russian spies, the latter for her entire life.

No, seriously. I think a little self-love might cure you of all of the vitriol you spew toward others. Others whose situations you cannot know, but are so hell-bent on judging and chastising anyway. Was it not Jesus Christ Himself who preached tolerance?

The one thing I cannot and will not tolerate is hatred. I hope you’re proud of yourself, because I am certain God isn’t.