Ashton Kutcher punked the paparazzi, and all of us: That shaman Paris Hilton was hanging out with — who turned out to be an actor — was part of a stunt for Kutcher's new show, Pop Ficton. The prank show targets paparazzi and gullible media outlets. Now lots of crazy stories (like the one about hepatitis at the restaurant where he had his birthday party) seem like they may not be true. Who knows what's real anymore??? [USA Today]

Did John Mayer write a message to Jessica Simpson on his blog that reads, "Dear Ex Lover, Perhaps you didn't understand the last time I told you to stop contacting me, so I'll do my best to spell it out for you. I do not wish to have you in my life anymore" ??? Cold! [The Sun]

Jessica Simpson and the Pussycat Dolls leave for Kuwait today, where they will entertain the troops. A source says there's no special treatment and that Jess will be "roughing it" and sleeping on bunk beds during the trip. Maybe she can use her Vuitton luggage as a pillow? [Page Six]

Lisa Marie Presley: Pregnant! The daddy is Presley's husband Michael Lockwood, whom she married in Japan in January 2006. The 40-year-old daughter of Elvis already has two children: Riley 18, and Benjamin, 15, with ex-husband Danny Keough. Congrats! [People]

Rihanna issued a plea for help and now a woman with leukemia has found a bone marrow donor! It's so weird when stars use their power for good and not evil. [People]

Ashlee Simpson denies being drunk during a radio appearance, saying, "I giggle when people ask me uncomfortable questions not knowing what to say or what else to do." [People]

Britney has received a number of disturbing letters and packages, which her "camp" have handed over to local law enforcement and the FBI. [E!]

The court has ruled that Britney's dad can pay himself a salary to be the conservator of her affairs, so he's taking $2,500 a week from her account. Honestly? There is no doubt that: A) Managing that girl's life is a full-time job and B) Jamie's level-headedness is worth every penny. Good luck, Daddy Spears. [TMZ]

Lou Pearlman, known for launching the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC, pleaded guilty yesterday to fraud which used fake bank accounts and a dead man's signature in a $300 million swindle. "I'm accepting full responsibility," Pearlman told the judge. He'll be sentenced May 21 and could get the maximum of 25 years in prison. (If he cooperates and tries to recover the money, he'll get reduced time.) [Reuters]

Annie Lennox: "No more marriage for me. I don't see the point of it. It's not that I'm such a cynic. To share one's life with someone is a beautiful thing. But for the moment, I'm a single person." [Telegraph]

Lil' Romeo, son of Master P., got a full basketball scholarship to USC. "We may have more 11- to 17-year-old girls in the stands than we've had in the past," says the coach. [Wall Street Journal]

NYPD Blue star Esai Morales has been cleared of accusations by his ex-girlfriend that he raped her two years ago; the woman continued to live with Morales for 15 months following the alleged assault. [Page Six]

Colin Farrell to "gorgeous" model at a swanky bar: "Who is this guy?" The lady replied, "He's my boyfriend." Farrell then told the dude, "You've got the most beautiful girl in the place, and you can't blame a guy for trying." To which the boyfriend said: "You tried. Now get out of here." [Page Six]

The ex-wife of Nicolas Sarkozy will marry her lover this month as "revenge" after Sarkozy wed Carla Bruni so quickly after getting divorced. [Page Six]

Robert Downey Jr appears in blackface in his new movie, but only because his character has his skin dyed black. Hmmm. [Page Six]

Kelly Rowan, aka The O.C.'s Kirsten Cohen, is in the final weeks of pregnancy but her billionaire boyfriend keeps her out of the spotlight because he is "horrified of any publicity." Uh, sounds healthy. Then again, money trumps mere fame any day. [Page Six]

"I really romanticized being pregnant. Then I realized, This is awful! I was so nauseated in the beginning" —Marcia Cross of Desperate Housewives. [Page Six]

"People ask, 'Why do you like getting around on a bike so much?' I don't do it to be green. I do it because it's so [bleep]ing fun" — Eric Bana [Page Six]

Kate Hudson: Hangs with her son and friends by day; with Owen Wilson at night. Secret lovers, yeah, that's what they are. [Gatecrasher]

Michelle Williams says that after her breakup with Heath Ledger, she "didn't know where to go. I couldn't imagine any place in the world that was gonna feel good to me." [Gatecrasher]

Blind item! "Which mournful solo artist is obsessed with his own level of fame? After convincing himself on a recent flight to Australia that he would be mobbed in the streets, the scrawny singer was nonplussed that most Aussies didn't recognize him." [Gatecrasher]

Blind item! Translated from Ted Casablanca: A female star who has had cosmetic surgery and has a "sexually mysterious partner in crime" type celeb boyfriend (who may get cosmetic surgery himself in 2009) is hooked on coke; often the two of them show up high in front of paparazzi. [E!]

Pubic blind item! "Which female A-lister's Sapphic relationship with a top editrix came to a crashing halt when the wordsmith saw her 'wildly' unkempt nether regions?" [Rush & Molloy]

Two former concierges of the Four Seasons Hotel in Chicago are spilling about celebrity guests in a new book: Read mini-tales about Nicole Kidman, Diana Ross, Madonna and Elton John by clicking the link. [Rush & Molloy]

Brooke Burke has given birth to a boy, her fourth child and first son. [People]

American Idol alum Nikki McKibbin is in the psych ward for having a breakdown; she told her friend she wanted to kill herself and when the cops arrived at her home she had a bunch of pills in her hand. Poor thing. [Perez Hilton]

The Office's Jenna Fischer: "I haven't had my teeth whitened. I don't get Mystic Tan treatments or any of that stuff. [Pam should] always look like a believable girl, not all plastic-y like a movie star." [Rush & Molloy]