Excuse the swears (if you’re a person who’s offended by swears), but it took me forever to type all that out on my stupid phone. Also I wasn’t in the best mood. Also, I wasn’t kidding when I shared that 19th thing. But anyway.

Linda (who is a person I consider to be a friend despite the fact I’ve never actually met her) left a comment on that post on Instagram. The comment included a question that I found interesting. And because I am completely lacking in the blog ideas department of late, I figured I’d answer her in the wordiest way possible.

Hello, new blog post.

Okay, so here’s (some of) what she said:

It’s so sad that youtube makes you feel lonely, is it because you talk to a screen? It’s quite trippy when I think about it; us viewers feel connected when we watch you, but you prob end up feeling disconnected?

So here goes. These are the reasons why YouTube makes me feel lonely.

Most of the time when I’m filming YouTube videos I am at home alone. Sometimes my kids are there, it’s true, but anyone with kids will tell you that being surrounded by children is not the same as being surrounded by other adults. For example, I have to try not to swear. And I can’t even laugh at the really funny things they do, because the funniest things they do are always the naughtiest things they do. So then I have to get all growly, and then everyone hates me, and then I feel lonely. Ahhh parenting.
But yeah. What I was trying to get at is this: My YouTube videos are literally me, on my own, talking to an electronic device that fits in the palm of my hand.

My videos aren’t live. They are pre-recorded; edited, uploaded, and scheduled to appear on my channel at 8:30pm. And that means that when my wonderful subscribers are watching and responding to my videos, they are commenting on past events.
I’m the first to admit that my moods and emotions tend to be a bit up and down (the husband is probably snorting at that understatement). I feel things strongly, but I get over things quickly. Unless it’s a major event, something that upsets me is likely to be something I couldn’t give two craps about just a couple of days later. So although the supportive comments I receive are wonderful (really, they are, please don’t take this as me not appreciating the messages you guys leave me), they never actually come at the times I need them most.

This is the biggest one:I don’t actually know who you are.
You know me. You watch my videos and read my words and sometimes you even laugh at my jokes. You know what I look like, what I sound like, what I have for breakfast… But what do I know about you?
Some of my viewers have teensy little profile pictures that assure me they are real people. Some of my viewers leave comments using their first and last names, which makes it easier to remember who says what. But most viewers have pseudonyms and generic avatars, and it’s just like, Okay, cool. Thanks, faceless stranger! No matter how kind the comments, no matter how sweet the sentiments,there’s always going to be a disconnect when the majority of my feedback comes in the form of semi-anonymous comments (and 100% of that feedback is nothing more than words on a screen).

There are many things I love about YouTube, and there are many reasons I stick with it. But the fact remains that life as a YouTuber is lonely. Unless my husband suddenly decides he wants to stick his face in front of the camera with me (which is never going to happen, I can assure you), I’m almost certain that the feelings of isolation are set to be a permanent side effect of my vlogging life. It’s okay, because I’ve accepted it. But I do wish it was possible to interact more tangibly with you all.

– Fern xxx

If for some reason you’re not subscribed to my channel yet, you should go and do that now. If you want to, I mean…
Here’s the link: Subscribe to The Fern Life

I’m really good at thinking, but not so good at doing. Take this week, for example. I had many thoughts full of many ideas about really good blog posts. And did I write the blog posts? No. I did not. It would be easy to blame the school holidays on my inability to just sit down and do the things I tell myself I will do, but the truth is that even if the kids were at school I probably wouldn’t have written the things I could have written. I am quite lazy, you see. And also I’ve got my YouTube channel, which seems to be a lot easier than blogging for some reason. Maybe because speaking is more forgiving than writing. But that’s not really what I wanted to talk about, so I will move on.

Because I am happy to both accept and admit that I am lazy, I am also happy to indulge my laziness. And so, I’m just going to bullet point some of the thoughts I had; some of the blog posts that could have been, if you will. This way I get to feel like I did blog the thoughts, and you, whoever you are, gets a small taste of what you’re missing out on (or not, as the case may be). So. Here we go.

I got my sister-in-law a copy of Yes Please by Amy Poehler for Christmas, because I was certain she would like it. She did like it, I discovered on Christmas eve, when I saw that exact book tucked into her suitcase. Crap. So, the new Yes Please went back to The Warehouse and was exchanged for something else, and the old Yes Please was passed on to me so I could read it, because yes, my sister (in law) had already finished reading it in its entirety.
I haven’t made it past the preface, so I probably shouldn’t even be talking about the book yet, but I’ve got to say I found it all ridiculously inspiring. I’m not sure why, exactly, but Ms. Poehler was talking about how writing is really hard, and how it feels damn near impossible to make time to pen an entire book in between raising kids and working and generally being awesome. And somewhere in amongst all that my brain was all, Oh my god, Amy Poehler is just a person.
Now you might be reading that and rolling your eyes and thinking, Well, duh, but I’m pretty sure that most of us view celebrities as some sort of super-human subspecies. And it just started to occur to me that that is so not the case. All these people we look up to, whose work we watch and read and consume, are just like you and me. They’re really not that special. And I dunno, I just got to thinking that if a little girl called Amy could grow up to be a celebrated comedienne called Amy Poehler, then who’s to say that a little girl called Anita can’t grow up to be a kick-ass woman called Fern who is celebrated for her talents too?
I mean, sure, it’s likely my imagination kind of ran away with me a bit, that happens to me quite a lot, but I’m beginning to feel like there’s nothing stopping me from achieving the things I want to achieve.
2017 could be my year…

I’ve been getting really grumpy with my kids, and it’s not that they’re being extra annoying, it’s that I’m being extra impatient. This is one of those things that makes you feel a bit shitty about yourself, because the thought that you are the problem is a hard pill to swallow (cliche, don’t care), but whatever. Sometimes you just have to accept that you suck and then figure out a way to stop sucking so much.
My way to suck less is to start my day with a slight attitude adjustment (please believe that I’m not trying to tell you how to suck less, this is just something I’m trying to do – I will probably forget all about this within a week). Instead of waking up and being all, Ugh my kids are so freaking annoying, why are they so loud, why are they so whiney, why do they want me to pay them attention when it’s only six thirty in the morning, I try to wake up being all, Wow, the kids seem pretty needy today, I better get up and help them get their breakfast, after all, I get super hangry about everything when I go too long without eating…It all sounds a wee bit lame, I know, but it does seem to make a difference. Oh, and turning on Netflix and dozing while the kids snuggle beside you and watch a shitty cartoon for half an hour or so helps too. May as well make the most of the school holidays, right?

We’ve been spending a crap ton of money lately and it’s really got to stop. First there was Christmas, and then there were general school holiday expenses, and now there is me sitting on my computer looking at all the emails that get sent to my spammy hotmail account advertising unmissable sales and unbeatable deals on pizza delivery.
I’ve started thinking that I should attempt some sort of Frugal February thing (is that a thing? I feel like it should be a thing). Like maybe I should try and not spend any money outside of the essential living costs? Maybe I should try really hard to spend less on groceries each week, to stop buying takeaways all the time (Burger Fuel, I’m looking at you), to stick to regular blocks of cheese instead of treating myself to two or three rounds of camembert each week…
I’m going to have to think about this one a little more, because I think we all know that I really do love to shop; I really do love to spend money. But I’m kind of realising that spending money doesn’t actually make me any happier, and as much as I fight it, my Dutch in-laws could teach me a lot about managing money and being content with what we’ve got.
Not spending money is pretty boring though.

So yes, that’s about it really. I mean, it’s not, but that’s all I can be bothered writing, and the kids are asking about lunch, and there’s only so many times I can say, Yes, I’ll get it for you soon, I’m just working at the moment, before they completely lose the plot.

If any of those things sound like any of the things that you think about then let me know. And if you want to join me in attempting to be frugal in February then flick me a message, because I kind of reckon it could be sorta fun if I have someone to hold my hand through my month of cheap(ish) living.

In the mean time, you can watch this video about my plans – not goals – for 2017. None of it actually ties in with this blog post, but it does tie in with the theme of random and somewhat jumbled thoughts, so I feel like it works.

Okay, so here’s the truth: I keep thinking Bad Thoughts about blogging. All blogging. There’s a grumpy old cow in the back of my mind, you see, and she’s forever saying things like, There are already a million bloggers. It’s all been said before. Nothing is original anymore. You have nothing worth writing about.

It’s kind of weird that she very rarely says that sort of thing when I think about my YouTube channel. Maybe she just thinks YouTube is where it’s at. And I mean, yeah, that’s cool. I feel like I’m doing pretty well in the vlogging side of the internet. But the thing is I’ve always wanted to write. And I still want to write. So I actually feel like I need to bloody write, goddammit.

So here we are.

I’m mainly blogging because it’s a new year. I hate that I’m blogging because it’s a new year, because I hate the way everyone starts going on and on about their goals and detoxing and how they’re going to become better people. I mean, I actually quite like myself these days. And yeah, there are plenty of things I could do better, but I don’t want my only motivation to be a new date. Well, shit in one hand, want in the other, I guess, because it looks like the new date is exactly what has motivated me to finally dust off my keyboard. Once again, I’m a walking oxymoron (please don’t emphasise the moron).

To appease the grumpy old anti-blogging cow, I’m not going to write out my goals here for you all to read. Nor will I list all the things I learned in 2016 (though you can check out the embedded YouTube video if you want to hear about some of the mistakes I made – eep). But I am willing to share that I’ve got a few ideas floating around in my head that I’d like to make a reality this year. And if I can make at least some of it happen, if I can extend myself just a little, then I think I’ll be feeling pretty pleased with myself by this time next year.

What I’m not so sure about, however, is the direction in which I want to take this blog. Do I want it to be all the mum things all the time? Definitely not. Do I want to write open letters and vaguely humourous (i.e. not actually funny) lists all the time? Shit no. But I do want to make sure I’m writing things that you genuinely want to read. And there are a hell of a lot of incredibly popular blogs out there that seem to write only those things I don’t want to write… So what’s a blogger to do? Do I pretend to be someone, or something, I’m not in the hopes that people will start eating up every word I type? Or do I do my own thing and accept that I’ll probably just float around making little to no difference in anyone’s life?

There’s this whole thing in the blogging world about having a brand, even being a brand. And if I had to give myself a brand it’d just be Fern. Me. A woman with a lot of kids and a little time and a desire to share things about her life in an entertaining sort of way. Which I’m beginning to suspect isn’t really a brand at all.

Ah well. The grumpy cow is telling me to just forget about it, so I suppose I will. For now. In the meantime, feel free to give me a kick up the butt if you realise I haven’t written anything in a while. And hey, if you’re keen to share with me the sorts of things you’d be interested in reading about then leave me a comment down below. Drew Monson isn’t the only one who’s very lonely…

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, a seamstress I am not. But, it’s Christmastime. And Christmastime makes me want to make things.Like advent calendars. Remember? I made three of them this year. Three. And because they actually turned out kinda, sorta okayish, I felt inspired to make more Christmassy things. And so: Stockings.

Usually we do santa sacks, but we’re having my brother-in-law and his family over for Christmas this year (I AM SO EXCITED), and their kids do stockings. It’s a good thing too, because to be honest we really don’t need Santa bringing sack loads of gifts for the kids. I have just dedicated 100 days of my life to decluttering and clearing sh*t out after all…

Because we don’t own enough stockings to go around (welcome to life with four kids), and because I already had Christmas fabric in my possession, and because I now feel like I shouldn’t buy things unnecessarily, I decided I’d try and sew my own stockings. We’re big on elves around here, so I went with an elfy sort of theme. I mean, who would want a boot shaped stocking when you could have an elf shoe shaped stocking, right?

If you watch the video you’ll see what I came up with, and how you can have a go at making something similar yourself. If you’d rather just get the gist of what I’m going on about, then there’s no need to watch. Just look at that thumbnail. That’s all you need to see.

What Santa traditions do you have in your house? Do you hang stockings, or put out sacks? Do you leave the old man snacks? I wanna hear about it in the comments section, okay? Because Christmas is more than just one day…

I like to pretend that I am really good at arts and crafts, but the truth is I’m really not. I’m not particularly patient, and I very rarely manage to get anything I make to end up looking like the creation I had envisioned. But, because I love Christmas so much, I usually end up giving crafty things a go at this time of year. It doesn’t always end well, but when it comes to advent calendars, it does. It really, really does.

Last year I left the whole advent calendar thing until kind of the last minute. That meant I needed to come up with an idea that was super quick, super easy, and super shareable, because who wants to make three different advent calendars only a couple of days out from December 1st?

In the end I decided I’d give the old Socks on a String idea a go. I’m pretty sure I spotted it on Pinterest originally. But I made it my own…

The video quality isn’t the best, after all I’d only just started YouTubing and I was filming everything on my very crappy iPhone. But hey, the content is still acceptable. I think…

The kids loved it. I loved it. Everyone was happy. And we probably would have been happy with the exact same sort of advent calendar again this year. But…

I had this amazing idea after spotting a Christmas wreath inspired advent calendar on Pinterest.What if, I thought, I make a train-themed Christmas wreath inspired advent calendar, using Mr. Three’s Thomas tracks joined together in a circle?

For some reason I am the sort of person who can’t think about anything else after she gets an idea like that. The next thing I knew I was obsessing over Thomas the Tank Engine wrapping paper, and phoning pretty much every shop in town to ask whether or not they stocked it. They all said no, but (to cut a long story short) Kmart was lying. So I bought Thomas the Tank Engine wrapping paper (from Kmart). And then, after a bit of trial and error, I put together a truly impressive advent calendar, using old cardboard rolls, paper, string, and a couple of corkboards. Genius!

It’s not the shortest tutorial video ever, but it’s easy to follow and you’re encouraged to do things your way. It’s kind of fun, I reckon.

So then I had an enormous DIY advent calendar for one of my four children, and nothing for the other three. Hmm. Well, the baby isn’t even quite one and a half yet, so I’ll just cross him off the advent list for this year. But the older two? Miss Eight and Miss Six? Yeah there’s no way in hell I could get away with not making them an advent calendar each. So I went back to Pinterest, and I pinned a few bits and pieces, and then I came up with a plan.

For Miss Eight I created a Shopkins advent Christmas tree. It was so easy! I bought a tree for $5 (guess where I got it from), and then, after hiding a wee Shopkins surprise inside each one, I wrapped 24 cardboard rolls in pink paper with white spots, carefully taping a loop of string to the roll first. After whacking a number on the front of each parcel, I hung them on the tree. And then, because I am clever, I wrapped an extra roll in the same paper, and taped a Shopkins sign to it. Ta da! Done!

So that left one child needing an advent calendar. I just had to come up with one more idea…

Turns out I had an old, square frame just hanging out in the garage. I’d been planning on donating it, but the glass broke under the weight of all the other donations so I’d been forced to bring it back home from the charity shop with me. At the time I was annoyed, but suddenly the smashed glass was practically the best thing that had ever happened to me.

I took the frame and filled it with a piece of thick, gift wrapped cardboard. Then I took 24 more cardboard rolls (smaller ones this time), wrapped them in the paper too, and hot-glued them to the board. After tucking more Shopkins surprises inside, I glued square sheets of wrapping paper to the top of the rolls, and popped a loom band over each one to hold the paper down, like a cute little jar of jam. Once they were all numbered, and I’d added some themesy fun to the frame, my masterpiece was complete.

Miss Six reckons it looks like an advent calendar you could buy at a shop. High praise, indeed!

So the moral of this story is that even if you are handicraftily challenged, you too can make your own advent calendar that actually looks kinda, sorta coolish. You too can post photos of your creations on Instagram and have your friends leave you comments that include the hashtag winningatparenting. You too can live The Fern Life.

It’s really fun, I promise*.

– Fern xxx

*I can’t actually promise that, because to be honest I didn’t have that much fun making these advent calendars. But it was fun enough. And also it gave me an excuse to think about Christmas even more than I already have been. So you know, we all win in the end.

Let me know if you want more detailed instructions for how to make either (or both) of the Shopkins themed advent calendars!

If you’re confused right now, it’s okay. I understand. You’ve probably just forgotten that I have the ability to blog about things that are not sh*t sorting. It’s been over 80 solid days of sh*t posts, so believing I live to sort sh*t is quite understandable. But really there is a lot more to me than just tidying things up and then writing about it. Like #VlogStars, for instance. It’s a monthly linky. And I always take part (even if I do forget to actually link up).

So #VlogStars is hosted by Aby and Amy, and it’s kind of fun. I mean, sometimes the questions are a little lame, but don’t blame them. They just steal the tags off other people’s YouTube videos… This month we all answered 16 random questions:

And last month we talked about our dream dinner party (that’s the one I forgot to link, sorry Aby and Amy. I’m the worst):

If you do the whole content creating kinda thing too, you should definitely join in. Next month we’re all uploading “The Christmas Tag”, and honestly I’m so excited about it that I’ve actually already filmed mine. While wearing a Santa onesie. Christmas 4 lyf, yo.

I’ll never forget the time my dad said “T.M.I” and my sister and I just about lost our minds laughing. It was awesome. But anyway, that story doesn’t really have anything to do with today’s post. Today’s post is all about me, and my decision to go ahead and share way too much information about myself for this month’s #VlogStars linky.

Hosted, as always, by Aby from You Baby Me Mummy, and Amy from Mr and Mrs T Plus Three, #VlogStars is a blogging linky party that’s open to anyone who uploads videos to YouTube. I’m not sure who’s idea it was to do the TMI Tag, but it definitely was a lot of fun to film! Feel free to join in, if you’d like to – I’ll leave all the questions below my video.

“I don’t eat sugar, but I wear sugar…”

Questions:
1: What are you wearing?
2: Ever been in love?
3: Ever had a terrible breakup?
4: How tall are you?
5: How much do you weigh?
6: Any tattoos?
7: Any piercings?
8: OTP? (One True Pairing)
9: Favourite show?
10: Favourite bands?
11: Something you miss?
12: Favourite song?
13: How old are you?
14: Zodiac sign?
15: Quality you look for in a partner?
16: Favourite quote?
17: Favourite actor?
18: Favourite colour?
19: Loud music or soft?
20: Where do you go when you’re sad?
21: How long does it take you to shower?
22: How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
23: Ever been in a physical fight?
24: Turn on?
25: Turn off?
26: The reason I joined Youtube?
27: Fears?
28: Last thing that made you cry?
29: Last time you said you loved someone?
30: Meaning behind your Youtube Name?
31: Last book you read?
32: The book you’re currently reading?
33: Last show you watched?

It was a while ago now that the email came through: The beauty editor of a nationwide parenting magazine had found my blog and wanted to know if I was interested in being featured in a piece she was putting together. Would I mind answering a few questions about beauty products and routines? Of course not! In fact, typing out my replies was an absolute pleasure.

This morning I got my hands on a copy of the actual, real magazine that actually, really has my name and my face and my words printed in actual, real colour on page 98. It was exciting. It was cool. But when I saw that I’m considered a “well-known Kiwi mum who blogs” I almost exploded. I’m well-known? Me? Most of the time I feel like I’m just talking to myself!

It’s confronting, to say the least, to suddenly realise that anybody, everybody, has free access to my life. For the most part I ignore the fact that there are people watching my videos and reading my posts, but when you see your picture in a magazine, or (true story) one of the school mums approaches you and says, “Oh I enjoyed your vlog about your daughter’s birthday gifts!” it all starts to feel very real, and very, very public.

Don’t get me wrong, I know what I’ve signed up for, and for the most part it’s exhilarating. Over on YouTube I can literally watch my numbers, both in terms of subscribers and actual viewers, grow. Here on my blog I’ve been enjoying reading through the comments you leave me. But every now and then I feel the need to pause and reevaluate my choices. Are blogging and vlogging in my family’s best interests? Am I disrespecting their privacy? Will my kids grow up to resent my decision to share my life, and theirs, on the internet? I mean, I’ve already spoken about the fact that I fear I’ve been inadvertently putting my children in danger. Am I really doing enough to keep them safe now?

Whatever the answers to my questions may be, I’m not really willing to stop what I’m doing. I feel like I’m onto a good thing here, that these “hobbies” of mine can and will take me in the direction I want to be heading in. I do, however, have every intention of stopping and thinking before I post, before I vlog, before I share my innermost thoughts and feelings. The thing is, I know what sells. I know that there are many parenting bloggers out there who’ve made a name for themselves by discussing their sex lives, or their relationship issues, or what their vagina is like now they’ve given birth. And while those topics may result in a huge increase in traffic, discussing that sort of thing is a path I flatly refuse to head down. My kids will grow up and they’ll use the internet. No doubt they’ll check up on me at some point. I would hate for them to ever feel embarrassed or disturbed by the stories I’ve told. I just can’t do that to them. Ever.

So far I think I’m doing okay. A few months ago I went through and privatised a whole bunch of videos I’d uploaded to my channel due to safety concerns, but I think I’m on the right track now. Though the kids’ faces have slowly started appearing in my vlogs again, though I have definitely been sharing some of their experiences, I do feel like the stories I’ve been telling are my own. And I’d like to think that I’ve been sharing them with care and respect. Sure, all parents embarrass their kids at some point, it’s inevitable. But if I can manage to limit that shame to in-person experiences only, then I’ll feel like I’ve done something right. Fingers crossed I can actually pull it off…

– Fern xxx

I’m featured in the latest issue of Little Treasures magazine. Look out for me!
Or, if you don’t yet have a copy, stay tuned for a giveaway over on my YouTube channel.
It’s coming very soon!

I was born in 1983, so technically I’m an 80s kid. Technically. In reality, however, I have a much stronger love for (and memory of) the 90s. Boy bands. Girl bands. Furbys and Tamagotchis. I can’t help but think back to that decade with a great fondness…

It was with genuine pleasure that I took part in #vlogstars this month (hosted once again by Aby and Amy, thanks ladies!), for which we all completed The 90s Tag. I was really happy with all the memories I was able to share in my video, though I did stuff one question up: Dress For Less was definitely my favourite clothing store back then! I must thank my sister for reminding me of that.

If you’d like to take part in #vlogstars you are most welcome to join in. I’ve listed the questions down below.

I join in with #Vlogstars every month. Hosts Aby and Amy set a theme, or a list of questions, and vloggers from all over the world film and upload videos in response. This month we were asked to share 10 things that define us as people. Wow. Tough. What are the things that make me me?

I watched a few videos before I made my own, but I didn’t feel right just listing the objects I use the most, or the things I enjoy doing like other participants did. I feel like I’ve shared all that sort of thing before anyway. And surely the person I have become is actually a culmination of all the things I have ever done. I mean, that’s kind of how life works, right? I can’t be the only person who regularly thinks, Oh my god, every moment of my entire life has lead me to where I am right at this very second. Can I?

I took the liberty of tackling this month’s theme in my own way, because being different is good. At least, that’s what I tell my kids. I talked a lot, so ended up splitting my 10 “things” into two videos. I hope you enjoy them!

Another thing that makes me me is my desire to make the world a better place by helping other people out. In this spirit, I am hosting a fundraising event over on Facebook this weekend, and it’d be great if I could get as much support as possible. I will be running an online Jamberry party, with 20% of the purchase price of every order made going to a young girl who was born profoundly deaf, and is in need of a cochlear implant.If you don’t have plans for this Saturday evening at 8pm (NZ time), I would love to have you participating in this special event.Jurnee’s Jammin’ Online Fundraiser

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Meet Fern

I write things and I film things and I post things on the internet. I talk a lot about kids, because I have a lot of kids, but I also talk about shopping for bargains, and life in the country, and what it's like to be a little bit mental.

This is my life. The Fern Life. I may not have chosen it, but I'm glad that it chose me.

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