Wednesday, 14 October 2015

Decisions, decisions

I still enjoy coming to this blog once in a while, like an open dairy of my life to allow me to write down my latest feelings. Sometimes I think that the best place to talk about my feelings is my blog and today is one of them. Since year 8 when I was watching Don't tell the Bride on TV and I saw the bride design her own wedding dress I was hooked on designing. It was what I wanted to do. I felt really passionate about it and i then took Textiles for GCSE and started my blog as well as a place where I could talk about fashion.
I then started to slowly begin to loose interest. Well, not loose interest, my love for fashion was just overrided by exams and other stresses and instead of becoming one of my main passion just became something that I enjoyed, like most of us. My four year plan was starting to look a little different and I started to not believe in myself and think that it would take years to make it into the business and earn some decent money. I managed to convince myself that I could always do fashion designing as a bit on the side and I still had my blog as my creative outlet and that was the end of that.
Recently, I fell back in love with one of my earliest passions- writing. I definitely wouldn't want to boost, but writing almost came naturally and i really enjoyed it. I have struggled for many years to think about what I wanted to do as a career. I still don't know but I wanted to choose English because I loved it and I wanted to do anything that I enjoyed. I wrote a whole personal statement off to universities about it and showed my mum and dad. I was expecting them to welcome my career with open arms but that didn't seem to be the case. Somehow, they managed me to convince me, the same way I convinced myself about Fashion.
I have recently changed career choices AGAIN. This time to Psychology. I thought so much could come out of it counselling, psychologists... However, it seems so hard to get into! I showed my mum and dad my personal statement and they again questioned my career choice. Why couldn't I do a degree which would get me a job and easy money? But, I was and still am confused. I don't really know how many career choices I could have and there isn't very many more that I would want to do. Becoming a clinical psychologist takes a really long time and the earliest time that I could be free from education is 25. This scares me quite a lot. As much as I want to help people and do a job like that I also want top have my own social life and enjoy my youth. I also don't want to devote another part of my life to doing a masters and a phd. I have always looked forward to the future and now I am finding it hard to enjoy moving forward. It's a difficult decision and one that I could easily cry about. Don't get me wrong, I have shed a tear or two but it's important for me to remind myself that a decision will be made and I can't predict the future. I just have to strive for the best.