Previous life: where I wanted to be...career woman, happily married, perfectionist, control freak, tidy house, business running like a tight ship. First child arrives, fulltime working mom, can handle it all.
Current life: where I want to be...stay at home mom to a pre-teen girl and girl/boy twin preschoolers, ditched the career (had the twins at 40), perfectionism took a hike, life out of control, untidy house and trying to keep household afloat! So I'm just hanging in there!!!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

the woes of being a mom

Warning: self-pity post, no need to read further, this is an exercise in self-preservation by writing randomn thoughts down.

So I've been working like a madwomen these past weeks organizing year end parties and making new bedrooms for the kids. Moving furniture, washing, re-organizing, buying new bedding, etc. I work, work, work and its all about them. That's what moms do, right?

Yesterday at the graduation party, I could see kids running to their parents for hugs and kisses, getting family portraits. I didn't get that and it hurt. Even though I worked so hard to organize it. Then it dawned on me. Those parents getting all the hugs were mostly working parents who made an extra effort to be there. Guess its expected for us SAH moms to be there and be involved so its no big deal. Do we become less appreciated cause we are always there?

Get home last night and ask them what they would like to eat and big sis replies in that pre-teen arrogant voice that just grates your nerves: "you're the mom, you figure it out". That hurt. Today they were going to Montreal (Biodome and La Ronde) as a year end trip. I asked her if she needed my help to get her things ready. That same voice: "I'm old enough to take care of myself!!". That hurt. I say, to myself, no you're not. You certainly needed me last week when you had that stomach flu. A while later, a friend of hers calls. I give her the phone and she goes to the other room to talk. When she comes back, I ask her: "so what's up with your friend?" That same pre-teen voice answers: "you don't need to know everything in my life!!" That really hurt. Now I'm mad. I explode: "No, I don't need to know everything in your life but your tone of voice and your attitude is downright offensive. Since you don't seem to need me, I'm leaving!!!" I then hopped in the car, drove around a few blocks, listened to some really loud rock n'roll and tried to calm down. God this motherhood job stinks at times. Am I loosing it?

Came back, things were better. The rainbow after the storm. Then hubby shows up late from work. She's all sweet as pie, greets him with major hugs: "oh dad, I have so much to tell you and show you!!" See, there's my theory again. Working parent gets all the accolades. He never reprimands much either, since he's not always around. I'm the nagging, authoritative one, so guess I get the short end of the stick.

This morning she has to be ready by 7:15. I get up early to get her lunch and breakie going. Again gives her dad one big hug before she leaves, tells him she loves him so much and how escited she is about this outing. Then the doorbell rings, her friend is there to pick her up to go to school. She grabs her stuff and leaves. No goodbye mom. Not a glance back. no thank-you. That really, really hurt. Sat in the family room with tears in my eyes. And then the pre-schoolers both came over to hug me and tell me they love me. Had to smile :) And thought to myself better enjoy this now cause in a few years, the hugs may be scarce.

10 comments:

I sure wish I lived a lot closer to you, I would be there right now to give you a hug, with a giant "Starbucks" cookie just cause they make everyone smile.

I do see how the working parents get a bit more attention sometimes, but I wouldn't give up my cuddles on the couch for anyone and one day (remind me that I said this) when he thinks he can leave without a good-bye, I will run after him, I will!

Are you going to the range? I think we need to book a tee time for July.

funny how the sahm is the "bad cop" and daddy gets to be the "good cop".but i agree with beachmama (came here via her blog).. i've got tons of cool day-in-day-out memories of hangin' wiv da bubbasand actually, i applaud your "self imposed time out" driving around the block (gotta get that music l-o-u-d). it's good for our kiddos to see how to handle our anger positively. :o) wishing you more rainbows

Oh dear....you made me feel so sad for you my friend. I TOTALLY agree with the working parent being the 'fairy godmother' saving the day just by showing up to eat the dinner we prepared in the house we cleaned and greeted by the kids WE spend all day trying to turn into nice people...and they get the hero's welcome. PSHAW!!!

I hope the pre-teen attitude is short lived and you enjoy a nice summer as a family.

I have a new margarita recipe I wanna try...come on over, we'll try it!

OH HONEY COME FOR COFFEE! We can talk. If I didn't have brandan today i would hope the ferry and spend the morning with you.

That sucks. BUT I've been there. NOw I'm not sure aobut the working parent part. Jack and Miranda have lots of trouble comunincating. She is short with him all time time. I get it too but she doesn't go off to the other parent and says I have lots to tell you.

HUGS and if you want to come over for Coffee to day or tomorrow. I'll even fix you lunch.

Oh my that is so sad.. I felt heartbroken reading it. I sure hope that is not what I have to look forward to when my daughter grows up!! Breathe in, breathe out.. I will have to remember that :) Give her a few more years and she will sure appreciate you!!