So far, Harlow's #watermelondress was on both Inside Edition and Kelly and Ryan Live. Mazzy was like, "Wait! What about MY watermelon dress???" She's right. The pink fringe cap sleeve is an excellent addition. Still think #babymeloning is the better hashtag!

Everybody is smiling and looking at camera! I just posted my latest travel vlog which follows our three day road trip in Central New York! It rained a lot but we still had tons of fun. Don't miss Harlow dancing like a robot and Mazzy talking "duck." I think this is my favorite travel video so far. YouTube link in bio!

She's getting her hair cut today. I was going to leave work and meet her and our sitter there but I'm too swamped. It's the first time she's getting a cut without me. Fingers crossed they don't chop it all off or give her faux hawk!

If you don't already know, "a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios with milk" has replaced Harlow's waffle obsession. She asks for it every single morning, in those words exactly. If I were to say, "Harlow, do you want a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios?" She would say, "Yes, WITH MILK." Also, ever since Harlow and I made that video about how to make cereal (link in bio- FYI, the longer YouTube version is even better than the one I put on Insta), Harlow has been really into making her own breakfast in the morning. Her and Mazzy have even taken our cereal orders at night and then pre-set the table with our names written on the napkins. Then they instruct us to stay in bed until everything is ready. It's actually some of the few times we've been able to sit down to breakfast all together as a family at the dining room table. Thanks @cheerios for helping make the mornings easier this summer! #generalmillscereal #sponsored

My PlayHome is not a game where you are trying to achieve something; it's just a house where you can move from room to room and make the members of the family who presumably live there (or maybe they are house squatters? that would be way more interesting…) do things like eat apples, flush the toilet and go to sleep.

Mazzy fell in love immediately and the app kept her occupied for way more time than I probably should have allowed.

Then all of a sudden she started screaming.

"Make mommy sleep! Make mommy sleep!"

I ran over to see what was wrong.

Apparently, if you put the girl, the boy or the baby into their respective beds, they will switch to a lying down position and go to sleep.

But if you put the mother or the father into one of the beds, they will just stand on top of it.

"Ummm… I'm sorry sweetie but it doesn't look like the mommy CAN go to sleep."

"Go to bedroom! Go to bedroom!"

"Oh that sounds like a good idea. Let's find Mommy and Daddy's bedroom."

I clicked the arrows that moved from room to room in an effort to find some place for these poor parents to rest their weary heads.

No such place existed.

My PlayHome has four rooms. A kitchen, a living room, the kids's bedroom and a bathroom.

Meaning if the parents want to cook food, brush their teeth and make futile attempts to put the toys on the floor back on the shelves, they are more than welcome.

But if they want to get some rest or god forbid, do anything else that a couple might do in a bed, they are shit out of luck.

Closer inspection revealed that the parents aren't even allowed to sit on the couch.

Also, you can turn on the television but it will only play the same children's video over and over again. So there goes any chance of finally completing that fifth season of Dexter.

And you can take out another roll of toilet paper from the cabinet but there is no way to actually put it on the holder.

But good news! It is possible to give the mother a shower!

Although, after the shower is over, she is still wearing the same clothes.

So. Because my day job is in advertising, I have taken the liberty of writing a new tagline for the app.

"My PlayHome. More true to life than you would like to believe."

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UPDATE: SInce MyPlayHome did me the honor of responding (with a sense of humor!), I thought I would do them the honor of an actual review. I highly recommend this app. In less than a day, MyPlayHome became Mazzy's go-to favorite with the added benefit that there is no learning curve— so the app is fun for a two-year-old to use right out of the gate.

MyPlayHome says they are planning on adding a parent's bedroom in future updates. I hope that once they add it, the kids hog the bed while making numerous demands for various beverages.

20 responses to “iPad App Mocks Motherhood”

When we were first making the app and prioritising which rooms to include for launch, our extensive research showed that the situation where the parents of 3 children are sleeping for any significant amount of time occurs so infrequently as to be statistically negligible.
(…though we’re planning on adding the parents’ room after the back yard update comes out next week. Further research carried out in our home showed the parents’ bed is actually used frequently by the children instead of their own very nice beds that the parents wasted their money buying for them.)

Okay, I gotta go download this app, haha!!
Love that the app developer is here commenting. Maybe the parents SHOULD be able to nap on the kids beds, with them, seeing as we actually have to sometimes, god forbid we need to rest.

I love this non-review 🙂 Poor mom needs a break! My preschooler loves this app as well. And flushing the toilet repeatedly and turning lights on and off are just as appealing to her in the app as they are in real life. It’s one of her very favorites.

There’s a new sculpture in Astor Place that broke my heart. It is called The Last Three. It’s 17 feet tall and represents the last three northern white rhinos on earth. Their names are Sudan, Nijan, and Fatu. Sudan is the last male. He is 45, which is the life expectancy for a rhino. His daughter is Nijan and his granddaughter is Fatu. Rhino horns are worth a ton of money so they are in constant threat of poachers. This public piece of art was created by artists Gillie and Marc with the hope of educating and inspiring others to care about the plight of the rhinos. It worked on me. Their aim is to collect 1 million goodbye messages on www.goodbyerhinos.org and put them towards a petition for approaching governments about eliminating the demand for rhino horns. Please like, comment and tag your friends to get this seen by as many people as possible and feel free to regram and share! 😥 #goodbyerhinos

New York is still freezing so instead of doing our usual ski trip in March, we decided to switch things up and go somewhere much warmer. Not sure when I’ll post on my feed, but you can follow along on my Instagram stories...🌴☀️🥝👙🦎⛱⛵️✈️🍹🤸‍♂️😎 #comingsoon

Sometimes I look at my Instagram account and think— man, this feed really needs some adults. Who is running this thing??? And because I know everyone is going to ask where @littlemissparty got her dress, I already asked. It’s vintage. She bought it when she was 19. Sucks for the rest of us! I got my shirt at Aritzia. Thanks for asking 🤣 Have you guys watched our Instagram lives together? I like doing it so much better with a friend! We are on a two week break because our schedules are all crazy but will do it again after that. What would you guys want us to talk about? Any questions for two NYC working moms???

Harlow has a very important message for everyone. Brought to you by Super Why, I think. Also, this impromptu performance was 100% because Harlow noticed me upping my intake of fruits and vegetables this week. 🍎🍌🥕💪🏻 #harlowunplugged #eathealthy

For those of you asking about my Detox, I’m on Day Four. It ends tomorrow. Thank god because I can’t even look at beets anymore. Biggest lesson is the same thing I learned and forgot last year when I did this. GREEN JUICE MAKES ME FEEL EVEN MORE ALIVE THAN COFFEE. Yes, I said that in all caps like a crazy person. Doing a detox does make you feel somewhat like a crazy person. I know detoxes aren’t for everyone but if you are interested, follow my friend @zengirlfitness for more details. She’s been leading a bunch of us through this all week 🥦💚🍵🍏🍋🍉🍐