(Please read the Rights of Use conditions at the bottom
of this page before printing out.)

Characters: Adam and Eve.

Costumes: primitive-looking animal skins. Use
brown cloth cut raggedly and fitted in crude tunics. Fake fur can
be obtained from craft stores to make them more realistic. This
can be worn over leotards for modesty's sake and also for a
humorous effect.

Props: a stick, an inch or two in width and
several feet in length. A large python-like stuffed-toy snake
like those awarded as prizes in carnivals, or bought at toy
stores. Attach a string to the head and run the string across the
stage before the sketch. Assign someone to pull it out from the
opposite side toward the middle when called for in the script.

Setting: Several artificial trees and plants
lined up to resemble a jungle.

Note: Your actors deliver the
dialog and you play the background music and effects
tracks as listed in the script to enhance your
performance. HOWEVER, there is also a fully-recorded
version on the CD with voices that you can act it out
with. Read on below to see how to make it work...OR
TO USE AS THE PRE-RECORDED TRACK FOR AN ALL-AGES
PUPPET PERFORMANCE.

Soundtrack: As always, the
specially-recorded soundtrack will make your performance
of this skit script much funnier, professional, and
effective. The soundtrack for this skit is on the Combo Package #4 Soundtrack CD,
along with "Mama's Close Call!"

Click here to
listen to a 5 and-a-half minute Windows Media preview of
the entire soundtrack CD, with short clips from each track!

Here's a unique idea to make this
skit easer to perform: this script was written to do the lines
live, and use the soundtrack background effects and
music. However, there is also a fully-recorded version on
the CD that has all the voices, from my upcoming comedy
album project "Let's Skit Crazy!" I have
included this on the Soundtrack CD above. Now, there IS a
way to use this fully-produced track and not have
to speak your own lines if you (A.) prefer to do
it that way, or (B.) have limited time to learn lines
because you started late. Here's how; before starting the
play, have someone come out and introduce it, and say
that since Adam and Eve didn't speak English, you are
providing an English translation of their dialog as they
speak, similar to the way movies dub in English over
foreign language films. Then, play the demo track (Track
#15 on the Soundtrack CD #4) and have your
actors go through the motions and act as if delivering
their lines (not lip-sycing, just acting
as if speaking normally, we just don't hear them) while
the "translated and dubbed" dialog, music and
sounds play on the CD. Genius, no?

The script below was written for
live performance and contains the track numbers and
notations on using the soundtrack. If you do the
"act it out" method using track #15, then do
not use the track numbers below.

Sound Note: Copy the jungle sound effects track Cut #6 to
cassette and play it continuously during the sketch, and play the
individual effect tracks on the CD as called for.

(Music and sounds effects open: Cut
#1; dramatic music, accompanied by thunderous
booming and wind. Also begin the continuous jungle effects you
have placed on tape from Cut #6.)

Narrator: (On the soundtrack if used.) The backstory
to this little drama is pretty short: because Adam and Eve ate of
the Tree which God had forbidden them to eat, they were cast out
of the garden. And the Lord placed angels at the entrance to keep
them from returning. All in all, things looked pretty bleak. We
join the unhappy couple just outside the garden, as the thunder
of judgment dies off in the distance.

(Adam and Eve run onto stage during the above narration
and hold each other, quaking, as they flee from the storm,
driving them out of the garden. The thunder settles down and
fades, and they are left holding each other. Adam looks stricken
and Eve is crying onto his shoulder. Adam is clearly concerned,
but is sort of bluffing his way through it at first for her sake.

Adam: (As the thunder and wind are dying.) "Whew!
You've got to hand it to the Lord, He really has a great flair
for the dramatic!"

Eve: "Oh, Adam, why do you take everything so lightly?
Everything's ruined! We've been evicted from our Eden and
cursed."

Adam: "Now, now, don't keep on crying, Eve, we'll make it
somehow. Look at it this way... things can't possibly get any
worse!"

(Sound effects CD Track #2: A snarl sounds nearby,
with growls. Eve starts, frightened by this, and clutches Adam,
who looks as afraid as she does.)

Eve: "What's that?"

Adam: "I don't know... but it sounds like things are
about to get worse!"

(Another animal screams, and thrashing noises are heard.)

Adam: (Leaving Eve, he walks cautiously toward the right
side of the stage and looks off it. He reacts to the thrashing,
roaring and squeeling with shock.) "A tiger is
attacking a bush hog! Oooo, that's gotta hurt!"

Eve: "What, Adam? What's happening?"

Adam: (Coming back to Eve, he blocks her from getting any
closer and steers her away.) "Trust me, you do not
want to know. That never happened before." (He
shudders.)

Eve: (in walking, she steps on something sharp.)
"Ow! Ow!" (She hops on one foot, holding the other
in her hand.)

Eve: "Adam, you insensitive clod! Something is stuck in
my foot and it's as painful as sin! See what it is!"

(She holds it up as he kneels to look at it, and mimes
pulling out a large thorn, as she winces.)

Adam: (Looking at it.) "Looks like a
thorn."

Eve: "What's a thorn?"

Adam: "I don't know, I never saw one before."

Eve: (Rubbing her foot.) "Then how do you know
it's a thorn?"

Adam: (shrugs) "It doesn't look like anything
else."

Eve: (Looking around with apprehension, she draws close to
Adam.) "Adam, I'm frightened... it's getting dark, and
there are more big scary animal noises, and I'm..."

Adam: "Huh?"

Eve: "I'm... I'm..."

Adam: (Taking her by the shoulders.) "Just spit
it out!"

(She sneezes loudly and violently in his face.)

Adam: (He recoils and wipes his face, then wipes his hands
on his animal skin.) "Why did you do that?"

Eve: "I don't know, I couldn't help it... I think these
smelly animal skins are making me do it!"

Adam: "Well, they're better than the fig leaves. I think
I have a radish from those things."

Eve: "You mean a 'rash."

Adam: "'Radish, rash... whatever, they both make me
itch."

(She sneezes again loudly and Adam ducks.)

Eve: (She sniffs.) "Sorry."

Adam: "It's the curse..."

Eve: "I didn't curse, I think it was a... a sneeze."

Adam: "No, I said it's the curse that... (He does a
double-take.) 'Sneeze?' What kind of a word is that,
'sneeze?' That's ridiculous sounding. 'Sneeze.'"

Eve: "Well, who says you have to be the one making up all
the words? I think 'sneeze' describes it perfectly."

Adam: "It's a stupid word. Snee-e-e-e-e-eze. It's
nonsensicle! Nobody will ever use it. Just leave the new word
creation up to me."

Eve: (Putting her hands on her hips.) "They will
too use it. Years from now, when people... "sneeze," (Adam
rolls his eyes) they'll have me to thank for it, whether
they know it or not! You're not the only creative one... I have
something to contribute, too, you know."

Adam: "Oh, yeah, you're real good at contributing. You
contributed to this whole mess we're in."

Eve: (crossing her arms and turning away from him.) "There
you go, blaming me for it again! It wasn't my fault you lost
control of your appetite."

Adam: "My appetite... MY appetite? You're the one who ate
us out of house and home! Eve, what part of "forbidden
fruit" didn't you understand? 'For-bid-den,' Eve, it meant 'Don't
eat the stupid fruit!'"

Eve: "Don't raise your voice at me, Mr. Adam; you sure
were quick to snarf a big bite when I offered it to you!"

Adam: "Because I listened to you! I should have known
better. I knew it was a stupid thing to do, but did I listen to
my better judgement? Nooo, I listened to you. Well, from this day
forward, man shall not hearkeneth unto a woman!"

(He picks up a stick and holds it horizontally in front of
him at about waist level. He begins to walk back and forth across
the stage, making a loud "rrrrrrr" sound. He is going
through the motions of pushing a lawn mower.)

Eve: (She follows behind him as he goes back and forth,
talking loudly over his noisemaking.) "You never really
listened to me before, Adam. What made you then? Because you
secretly wanted to taste the fruit, too!"

Adam: (Abruptly stopping his "mowing" and
dropping the stick.) "What do you mean?"

Eve: "You know exactly what I mean. (Turns her back
to him and crosses her arms.) Go find yourself some other
woman to ignore."

Adam: (Dangerously.) "Don't even kid about that.
You know good and well there are no other women."

Eve: (Pointedly.) "And there may never be."

Adam: (Contritely.) "Eve, let's talk about
this..."

Eve: "Oh, now he wants to talk. (Stretching
her hand back toward him.) Well, talk to the hand, 'cause
the head ain't listening."

Adam: "Oh, very funny. Where do you come up with this
stuff? That's what you should have said to the yakkedy-yak
serpent!"

Eve: (Spinning around, she pokes him in the chest
repeatedly as she makes her point. He backs up some at her
scolding.) "I only listened to him because you were so
busy naming every single, stinking little creepy-crawly thing you
could find! Leave some for somebody else, for crying out
loud!"

Adam: "Okay, maybe I should have paid more attention to
you. But a serpent? What were you thinking?"

(Begin pulling the stuffed-toy snake onto the stage from
the other side, and let it slowly approach Eve.)

Eve: "At least HE talked! And he knew how to give a
compliment. You think just because you're the only man around
that you have the market cornered.Well, you see what happened.
It's all your fault. Even God said it was!"

(Begin Cut #3: The narrator's lines, followed by the
snake fight music and effects.

Narrator: "Meanwhile, unnoticed by the quarrelling
couple, a large python slowly neared them. Or maybe it was an
anaconda. Or it could have been a boa constrictor... I could
never tell them apart. Anyway, it was a huge snake, with big
sharp teeth in it's huge... jaws. And it's beady little
eyes saw them... as lunch. Slowly it crawled closer... and
closer... until..."

(Eve sits down tiredly as the narrrator is speaking. Adam
turns his back and crosses his arms. Eve looks up just as the
snake reaches her, which is when the narrator
finishes the above lines. She sees it and leaps
up screaming, waving her hands about and dancing on her tiptoes
as it moves at her feet.)

Eve: (screaming) "ADAM! HELP!!!"

(The above CD track is still playing, with the
snake hissing and dramatic music for the fight scene.)

(Adam leaps to her rescue, falling on the snake to wrestle
it. The actor can have real fun with this, making the
"snake" wrap around him and his neck as he rolls on the
ground struggling with it. Eve grabs the stick and tries to help,
but is missing each time she tries to hit it, and smacks Adam
instead as he rolls around! Adam reacts comically to each hit.
She is doing more damage to him than the snake!)

Adam: "Ouch! Eve! What are you doing?!?!?"

Eve: (Looking for an opening to smack it again.)
"Trying to help!"

Adam: "Me or the snake?"

(Finally Adam gets the upper hand and grabs the snake
around the neck, jumps up and slams it it the ground several
times, then holds up it's limp body triumphantly, before he
slings it off-stage. The music changes
to a "go, team, go" drumbeat and Adam pumps his arms in
the air and does a quick "touch-down" victory dance.
Eve runs to him, embracing him.)

Eve: "Adam, you risked your life to save me!"

Adam: (Out of breath.) "Of course, Eve! I love
you. You're the only woman for me, don't you know that?"

(Begin Track #4 on the CD, a love theme that features
a few notes from "Amazing Grace.")

(Overcome by the stress of the day, Eve sinks down to sit
on the edge of the stage, and Adam joins her, pulling her close
as she hides her face in his shoulder. )

Eve: "Snakes, I hate them! I'll always hate them! And I
hate thorns, and killing, and that an innocent animal had to die
so we could have clothes."

Adam: "Me too, me too." (Seeing how she is
holding to him, he smiles a little.) "Look. I'm sorry
for what I said, and the way I acted. I was just taking out my
anger at myself on you, and I shouldn't have."

Eve: (Sniffling) "You don't really blame me for
it all?"

Adam: "I can't blame you for any of it, Eve. I'm the man,
it was my responsibility. I sinned. And because I sinned, we'll
have to suffer, and our offspring will have to suffer. I think
God would be better off with a new Adam. Maybe he would do better
than I did. I am a failure, a total failure."

(Eve comforts Adam and strokes his hair, looking at him
compassionately.)

Eve: (softly and tenderly) "Hey, big guy... I
think God knows what kind of man you are. After all, He made you,
didn't He? And He doesn't make anyone to be a failure."

(Adam nods, his head buried in her hair.)

Eve: (Lifting her eyes to the stars.) "And I
believe He still loves you."

Adam: (Lifts his head hopefully.) "You really
think so?"

Eve: "I know He does."

Adam: "But how?"

Eve: (Tenderly pushing some hair out of his eyes.)
"'Cause I do."

(They embrace as Adam stifles a sob. The music is coming
to an end about now.)

Adam: (Wiping his eyes, he speaks with a new resolve.)
"It's just us now, mama, and we'll just have to stick
together till we get out of this mess we made. And one day we
will get out of it. God promised that, didn't He?"

Eve: "I'll never forget it. He gave me a hope I can hang
on to."

Adam: (Helping her to her feet.) "And a man you
can hang on to, also!"

(This time Adam sneezes, more loudly and forcefully than
Eve had.)

Eve: "God bless you!"

Adam: "Why would you say that?"

Eve: (shrugging) "It just seems like the right
thing to say."

Adam: "Well, it's a good saying. I like it. And you were
right, it did feel like a... a 'sneeze.'"

(Smiling, they begin to walk off, hand in hand, but Adam
stops and looks back in the direction they came from when the
left the garden.)

Eve:"I wonder if we'll ever be allowed back in
Paradise again."

Adam: "We will. Someday, when the Deliverer that God
promised is born."

(Adam and Eve stop at the same time and look at each
other.)

Eve: "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

Adam: "We'd better get busy!"

Adam: (As they exit the stage, arms around each other.) "Let's
go raise a little Cain!"

(IMMEDIATELY begin Track #5 on the CD, Close Music
and Narration.)

Narrator: (On the same CD track.) "And so, they
lived happily ever after.... oops, wrong story.... And so, Round
One in the Battle of the Sexes ends in a draw and a temporary
truce. The same battle would rage between their descendants, as
countless men and women down through the years fought with no
less inconclusive results. The children Adam and Eve had caused
them no little amount of grief and heartache, but one day the
promised deliverer was indeed born. I'd call that a happy ending,
wouldn't you?"

(The "Close Music" CD track brings it to a
humorous conclusion.)

END

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