Monday, July 22, 2013

Hi! So is the Tour de France Still Going On Or Am I Too Late?

As the sort of person who enjoys toasting Eggo waffles while bathing, I'm not exactly the best decision-maker, but I have made two very good decisions recently with regard to my cycling life. The first was moving from Brooklyn to wherever it is I live now, and the second was making a New Year's Resolution to not renew my USA Cycling license. As a result of these two complementary decisions, instead of waking up at 5:00am and Fredding around Prospect Park like a doofus during the weekend, I just hop onto this trail:

Along the way, I stop here to feed the feral rock band:

They've been waiting in there for Rick Rubin since 1990, with only occasional visits from hair stylists:

Then I cut over to the mountain bicycle cycling trails to enjoy some mountain bicycle cycling:

Here's the top of a climb, where I collapsed this past weekend because it was 95 degrees and I suck.

Then I go back home, have some lunch, and take advantage of my loose legs to beat up on my training partner:

Best of all though is that, between the hills and the relative uncoolness of the area, I'm more or less free from "bike culture" and all the stupid cycling-related "controversy" that consumes the rest of the city--though yesterday I did see Citi Bikes as far north as 181st Street:

That's a good seven miles from the nearest docking station:

Hey, if they want to pay the overtime fees that's fine with me, but if I see one of those blue heaps of shit up by my house then that's it, I'm moving again.

With Lob and Dorothy Rabinowitz on my side, I will do everything in my power to keep the Begriming Blue Tide below 59th Street.

“Then I’ll give you a ticket for being outside of the bike lane, and for speeding.”

I responded, “I could not stay in the bike lane as you are parked in the bike lane, and the speed limit is 30, and there is no way I was going 30 mph.”

“Lady, you just don’t shut up do you!”

Wow. So basically they're just fucking with us now. I'm very much in favor of bike infrastructure and bike share and happy bikey people foffing off about "bi-keen" and all the rest of it, though crap like this makes me dangerously close to becoming one of those old kooks who goes on and on about how much better cycling in the city was when there were no bike lanes and only the strong survived--by riding like Kevin Bacon, of course.

By the way, I'm talking about "Aggro Bacon:"

Not "Bike Dancin' Bacon:

I wonder how the police would ticket you for bike dancing these days. They'd probably dust off some long-forgotten sodomy statutes from the old days of raiding bathhouses.

I'm all for privacy, and I don't like that Obama is reading all my emails about penguin sex any more than you do:

However, if there's one thing Americans have been proving since the invention of the automobile, it's that we don't deserve to have privacy while we're driving:

The black boxes “provide critical safety information that might not otherwise be available to N.H.T.S.A. to evaluate what happened during a crash — and what future steps could be taken to save lives and prevent injuries,” David L. Strickland, the safety agency’s administrator, said in a statement.But to consumer advocates, the data is only the latest example of governments and companies having too much access to private information. Once gathered, they say, the data can be used against car owners, to find fault in accidents or in criminal investigations.

Actually, we don't even deserve to be driving. We kill tens of thousands of people a year with our cars. How come they pick me apart before I get on an airplane, yet nobody checks on me when I get into my car? If you think about it I'm no less dangerous. Really, I'm shocked we're still even allowed to own cars. At best, we should have limited access to a small car-sharing system, and as we drive there should be cameras trained on us at all times:

At the very least it would put an end to red light nose-picking.

But I should still be allowed to keep my car and drive without the cameras. Because I'm special.

I ditched my last road bike 5 years ago, and only ride in the city to get to work or run errands. Otherwise, pleasure riding is on trails, dirt or paved. I like my bike culture the backwoods way. Tune up the banjos, please.

MotoPed--Yes, you too can pop wheelies for a quarter mile, catch big air over that berm, out sprint the fastest riders at stoplights, and last but not least pedal furiously in 90 degree heat while wearing a full face helmet!

"We kill tense of thousands..." Snobbo, you might want to fix that before the Grammer Fascisti start in on you.

Or not.

I went back and watched the Closca helment-give us money-video again. I understand that Spain is in rather dire economic straits BUT UGLY HELMETS AREN'T GOING TO SAVE GIBRALTAR'S GIANT, GIANT, BOUFANT NOW!!!!

Babble, with your legs I'm utterly amazed a cop would give you a ticket for doing anything. But, as a failsafe backup plan keep a dozen donuts in your bike's basket. Or do cops not eat donuts north of the NSA border?

Many moons ago, I got stopped for running a stop sign and speeding on my bike in Athens, OH by the Athens County Sheriff. He asked for my drivers license. I smartly responded " I didn't think I needed one to ride a bicycle ". I spent the next few hours in the Athens County jail as an attitude ajustment while they booked me for disorderly and the traffic charges.

You know that if this CJ character did not exist (and are we even sure he does?) we'd have to invent him. Every group effort needs a mascot/whipping boy to absorb and reflect creative tension. If the strain of coming up with the Friday quiz is too great, just throw it open to the commentariat as a humor contest - who has snubbed or insulted the mascot in the most sophisticated, sneaky manner this week? Your readership will double! From fifteen to thirty!

Bike riding tickets in Ohio and NYC! Yikes, just imagine what riding a bike in the south must be like. I remember a Paul Newman movie where he was locked up on a chain gang for doing something wrong on a bike, Cool Hand Luke I think it was called.

You think it's too easy to buy a car? Try buying a gun. I also read that Virginia is going to try to ban oral sex. What's next? No more penguin buggery? Society is collapsing, and I'm sitting in my office reading a bike blog instead of riding my bike.

I watched the Tour de France. I do adore the chateau and castle porn. Bike race moderately fun, non-cunty Brit won this year, was born in Kenya like our socialist President, but not as swarthy. Frogs put on light show on Arc de Triomphe that looked like 8th grade prom. Finish was at in gloom of sunset and I was hoping they'd all have blinkies and generator lights but no such luck. Five time winners honored, all look like sturdy middle-aged Belgian insurance agents now, Lance notably absent. Some German guy won sprint, looks like Hitler's dream of Aryan superman, Cavendish too slow and picked an awkward line over a manhole cover that made his bike bounce. Some Canadian guy came in 169th, last finisher.

I don't know about the rest of youse, but I don't believe that anyone hijacked CJ's handle. All the available evidence that we have seems to point to the likelihood that he has some sort of Tourette's syndrome and that he just couldn't control himself. Also, our experience with him would lead one to believe that he does in fact like to fuck dogs, rape juvenile bears, he's literally a motherfucker (although it should be noted that his mother was pleased by how quickly he could dispense with his business), he's turned by horse porn, and that the 21 y.o. gf that he loves to brag about is in fact the neighbor's three y.o. dog. If CJ weren't such an asshole, I would pity him.

CommieCanuck - I didn't realize the Google Translate had a "moran to English" translator. Nonetheless, it appears that you overloaded the stupidity matrix and crashed your 'puter. You should have known that CJ's ramblings would do that, but live and learn.

Since we are talking about butt plugs and making fun of Canadians, I will relay a story about going to the sex shop in Canada.

This was a few years ago. I was dating a school teacher. She wanted to go to the sex store; but wanted to protect her anonymity and reputation, so we had to go to Canada. Amazon wasn't really a thing.She also wanted to go to one that wasn't full of "creepy, old masturbators".So we went to WOMYN WARE "celebration and empowerment of women's sexuality"

I was the only man in the store. Pretty sure every womyn in the could take me in armwrestling. They had an awe inspiring collection of dildos and butt plugs. I also thought the size queen thing didn't apply to dykes, BUT IT DO! The staff tried to vibe my Y chromosomes out of the store. I just kept flicking this 18" butt plug Virgin Mary statuette...

My sources say young King Nigel popped at 4:24 British Summer Time. He weighed like 8 1/2 pounds (that's about $14) so is a sizeable little bugger. Haven't seen photos yet but am hoping for lots of coverage of Pippa Middleton.

Snob, you DO know that David Berkowitz and his merry band of devil-worshipping misfits got the ball rolling early on with late night dog mutilation parties held RIGHT THERE where you took that snapshot in Untermeyer Park?

Coppers is coppers. And I had to tell my boy not to call them coppers to their face. My bad.

The whole power tripping thing is the same all over, even when you see the same coppers every day and you know their name and where they live, and they know where you live.

I've tried the Gandhi routine with them, and the foolish 'I refuse to stop for this' routine with them, several times with the child present / sprinting away w me.

I think it's a good lesson to learn young, that you can say no to authority authoritatively, and at least here in Canada's hernia truss, you run a good chance of maybe not getting shot. Then they show up at your house threatening all kinds of things, and 2k in legal fees later, case dismissed (my attorney waived the fee thankfully). And then the whole force is being dismissed as they find out that all 5 of them have broken all sortsa laws, including destroying the videotapes of kids being beaten up in the station house.

All that crap about "truth to power" etc - there's good stuff that the coppers do, but there's equal abuse of power; and if you just let them walk all over you, they will walk all over everyone else.

How about all the heroin that's running around rampant in this rural area...why's the cops not doing more about that, proactively - EG the late great Police Athletic League in NYC did more to stop crime / create wholesome members of society (like me), than any number of bike tickets issued.

I commuted, and there would be some slight acquaintance from around campus who got a job as a gate attendant in the parking lot. They got to wear an official polo shirt with a logo on it, and with it they immediately became drunk with power, ready to implement the final solution to the campus parking congestion problem.

Power corrupts.

I have tried to instill in my children a healthy dose of "question authority," and the power-drunk police abuses reported on a daily basis are indeed appalling.

The desire for pleasure is one of the most powerful impulses of human nature. Since people are creatures of God, the desire comes to us from a sacred source. In a real sense, therefore, the enjoyment of life is divinely sanctioned and the fulfillment of God's will. To be sure, all too often the pursuit of pleasure becomes excessive and causes terrible problems. Unfortunately, a large number of people don't know when to stop. As a result, the social drinker turns into an alcoholic, and the gourmet into a glutton. If we could define the proper limits of our behavior, our lives would achieve a much higher degree of fulfillment and inner contentment. Most of life's pleasures are legitimate and healthy provided we partake of them in moderate doses.

Take for example, the quite normal aspiration for popularity which characterizes many people. One of the reasons we like to be in the presence of celebrities is that they embody the popularity that we wish were ours. Now there is nothing wrong with the desire to be popular provided it doesn't become a monomania. Sensible people realize that not everyone will like them, and they are able to live with that fact. They are also aware that fame is fleeting, inconstant and evanescent. It should be sufficient satisfaction that one is able to retain the affection of his family and friends.http://www.nypdcops.org/FratOrg/Shomrim.htm

Anon 6:42 is spot-on. I was there--no, not for satanic rituals-- just a few days after his arrest...out of twisted teenage curiosity...rode up there, of course...didn't look like red spray paint on the walls.

If you're dumb enough to think biking is safer than driving because the total number of biking deaths is less than the total number of driving deaths, then you must also be dumb enough to agree with that meathead who said mixed martial arts cage fighting is safer than biking, since the total number of deaths is less.

If you can't figure out the flaw in that kind of (non-) thinking, why not shut up and change the subject instead of making as big a fool of yourself as Jeff Halevy?

Yesterday was one of those lost days. TdF..or the Froome coronation processional. I hope he won fair and square, but the whole thing just seemed scripted since the TdF last year. No fan of power mad cops, and not a fan of black boxes in cars for private use. Just more laws to find fault, employ more tort lawyers, protect corporations from liability, and generally gouge the consumer for protection, from what I don't know. May as well have Fat Vinny standing by your door with a lead pipe asking you to pay up for your own protection.

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!