Because what fun is shaving a penis into the beard of a passed out friend if everybody's going to mistake it for a rocketship, Phillips has just announced the first beard trimmer with a laser guide: the Phillips Beard Trimmer 9000. That's right -- the 9000. I generally prefer my beard trimmers over 9000, but that's just me and I once had to shave with a lawnmower. Admittedly, when I used to trim my beard around the neck, cutting too far was my number two reason for getting pissed and shaving the whole thing off. The number one reason? Too scratchy. "Fascinating." Isn't it? Stay tuned for the order I brush my teeth.

Keep going for a video about the thing. Then look in the mirror and get sad about how your Movember beard is shaping up.

Thanks to me, for being manly enough to grow a beard, but being devilishly handsome enough to know I don't need one to hide my face.

I'm on my second Gillette Fusion Proglide Styler - http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0062... - it's a razor/beard trimmer combo. It cuts even through my thick beard and the trimmer allows me to get the hairs that grow over my lip and fix the edges of my beard.