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Let Your 'Yes' be "Yes'

As
usual, I’m amazed at how God speaks to us, in a new way, through verses we may
have read often before. I’ve been
reading Genesis 27 and in studying Isaac’s wife, Rebekah, I have been made
aware of a personality flaw that affects many women. The characters in the
Bible speak clearly about the behavior of men and women, even in this day and
age. We really haven’t changed a lot.

Rebekah
is a very manipulating woman. First, in
Genesis 27:18-29, she has Jacob pretend to be Esau so that Jacob can receive
Isaac’s blessing which is usually reserved for the firstborn (Esau). Then, at the end of this chapter, we see her
manipulate Isaac with her words.

In
verses 43-45, Rebekah tells Jacob to go to her brother Labans in Haran because
Esau has threatened to kill Jacob. Not only did Jacob take Esau’s blessing from
Isaac, but Jacob also stole Esau’s birthright in chapter 25.

In verse 46, Rebekah says to Isaac, “I’m
disgusted with living because of these Hittite women. If Jacob takes a wife from among the women of
this land, from Hittite women like these, my life will not be worth living.”
(A bit dramatic, isn’t she? Sound like
anyone you know?)

And
what does Isaac do? Genesis 28:1,2 – “So Isaac called for Jacob and blessed him and
commanded him: “Do not marry a Canaanite woman. Go at once to Paddan Aram to
the house of your mother’s father Bethuel.
Take a wife for yourself there, from among the daughters of Laban, your
mother’s brother.” Just what Rebekah
thought he would do.

Woman
often have a difficult time expressing the truth. We speak around it. Maybe we don’t want to sound offensive, or we
try to avoid confrontation, or we may be fearful of asking for something. So we easily manipulate others into doing
what we want to avoid the truth of the matter.
In Rebekah’s case, she wanted Jacob to be safe but couldn’t admit to
Isaac how she helped Jacob get Esau's blessing. So she gets Isaac to send Jacob
to her brother’s with her manipulating way of avoiding honesty. (Sounds like a storyline for a soap opera.) How easy is it, though, to justify your
behavior for the love of your children,

I
adore my mother, but she has been a master at not being forthright with her
thoughts and desires. (Nothing to the extent of Rebekah, though.) My mother
doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or upset them.

For
example, say my mom and I plan to go do some errands, together, first thing in
the morning. If we wake up to rain and
nasty weather, she’ll call me and say, “I don’t think we should go because I
know you don’t like driving in the rain.”
Now that may be correct that I don’t like to drive in the rain, but the
truth of the matter is, more likely, that she doesn’t want to go out in the
rain. Why didn’t she just say “I don’t
want to go because it’s raining.”? She wouldn’t want to let me down by saying
she doesn’t want to go so she dances around the issue, not being totally
honest.

We
women have the tendency to speak like this because of men. No matter what women’s lib or any other
worldly guru may tell us, we still have an attitude towards the men we love
that we don’t want to hurt their feelings, or we don’t want them to see the
real side of us. Or maybe we just do it
because we don’t want them to get mad at us.
In my mother’s defense, she had been reprimanded often in the past for her
honesty and has learned to stifle it. How
many of us have had a similar experience – usually brought on by a dominating
man?

Rebekah
had to cover up her tracks by suggesting to Isaac that she wouldn’t be happy if
Jacob took a wife among the women where they lived. She was such a master at manipulating with
her words to the men she loved that she knew exactly what to say. It worked! They never even knew what hit them!

We
don’t always speak openly and honestly, partially because we don’t always know
what’s really going on with our emotions and thoughts. We may ramble around the issues not ever
figuring out the truth. No wonder men
think we are crazy! Besides, their
thinking is much simpler than ours. They
don’t understand the complexities that rage on in our thoughts. They don’t understand this little “flaw” in us that
sometimes keeps us from being truthful and may appear to be manipulation. They totally miss it, thinking we are
forthright as they are.

Below
is a clever example of the difference between men and women’s English. I’ve posted this numerous times before but
it’s still funny and true, no matter how often you read it!

Let’s talk = I’ll impress you by
showing you I am a deep guy and then we can have sex.

I
think we owe it to our spouses to learn to be honest with them about our
thoughts and feelings. We have to learn
to simplify them first, in our own mind, so we make some sense to our husbands. I’ve worked hard on this for many years now, and
I’ve come a long way in communicating in a way Rick can understand. My advice would be KISS. Keep It Simple Sweetie. Focus on the problem at hand, not what
happened yesterday or a year ago.

Matthew
5:37 – from the mouth of Jesus – says, “Simply
let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ be ‘No’; anything beyond this comes
from the evil one.” Notice, He said “Simply” here.We speak too many words to
our husband that they will never hear.

If
you’d like to read more about how women don’t say what they mean, check out my
article under Communication – “Why Do Women Not Say What They Mean?”

Resurrection Power for Marriage - 365 Day Devotional

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"In a world where fifty percent of marriages will fail, GPS to a Joyful Marriage is an excellent tool for Christians seeking to improve or restore their marriage. Sandee writes in a way that is humorous, honest and insightful as her wisdom comes directly from the healing of her own marriage. A practical book that provides biblically based techniques on how to build a healthy marriage." Suzanne Accardo, M.Ed. Certified Life Coach