Monthly Archives: December 2018

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Hello to you. There has been an interesting journey this morning. It’s interesting to see how our words and numbers put together in different combinations, like questions or thoughts, can bring forth the equivalent to a bread crumb path if you are willing and have the time and patience to follow where it goes. Some of the things that come up on these journeys I take are pretty out there and seem beyond belief to most. I think there is something there. Very little in my life seems like a coincidence these days. I am the kind of person who looks at the world in terms of how one thing is like another and make connections. The fights that take place between one microorganism and another are very similar to the fights taking place between much larger species of life on this planet. What’s going on below ground, within all the different life forms, in the water…even in the clouds is going on within each of our bodies. I know it sounds gross but to me we are basically walking houses for all kinds of tiny lifeforms. You can’t see them but they live in hair follicles on your head and in places like your stomach. During one of my number runs the stomach came us as “the hungry flower.” If you look at a tree, it’s much the same. How many lives depend on just one tree?! Take a look and if you see something interesting, see what comes forth for you.

whatsoever you do to the least of these you are doing to me in Simple Gematria equals: 606 (six=52 zero=64 six=52=168 – a planet)

12/3 cycle

family in Simple Gematria equals: 66

12/3 cycle

planet in Simple Gematria equals: 68

14/5 divided by 2 = 2.5 = 7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

earth in Simple Gematria equals: 52

7 divided by 2 = 3.5 = 8/4/2/1

world in Simple Gematria equals: 72

9 divided by 2 = 4.5 = 9 cycle

18 Dec 2018 Jackie morning messages and numbers Alvarado TX IMG_5078 – woke up thinking about stem cells and it lead me on an interesting path.

Hello to you. I hope this finds you well in your where and when. Last night was Kyle’s only night off and he decided he wanted us to watch a film he’d been interested in seeing for a time that is available on Netflix right now called Transcendence. Normally I don’t enjoy two hour long movies but this once was well worth seeing and really resonated with me. Many of the subjects and issues explored in this film I’ve been thinking about and exploring for myself over the past couple of years. It was a very plausible plot let’s just say! There was a stellar cast and my only complaint is that I would have liked to have seen the story told without the negative twists at the end but I understand why it happened. I personally am not comfortable with the idea of downloading someone’s consciousness into the digital realm. There are people who are tough enough to handle in our tangible realm much less getting set loose into the world wide web. I’m glad we finally got to see it. We usually see films like this just when we are supposed to because they are relevant to the present time. I think the future before us will involve a fusion of all the elements which now include the force of technology.

These are my notes after watching the movie and some additional things that came up this morning with dreams and observations I’ve made about the super plants in my backyard:

Just popping in, don’t know if my posting this will make any difference but something told me to try at least. I saw some headlines about Pete and felt very concerned for him. I don’t follow many famous folks these days but do check on a few now and again that resonate with me. Last year I did a post about Pete and how proud I was of him – being a survivor especially after losing his father the way he did at such a young age. The World Trade Center bombing messed a bunch of us up. I don’t think I’ll ever be over it. I can’t imagine how much more pain there is to lose your father, a hero like Pete did that day. I hope that even if he doesn’t see this post that somehow my sentiments will reach him. Like a prayer through the system I want to say.

There are so many kids like him in this world that just need to be surrounded with support and love a bit more than others. The wounds he carries resonate with me from my own story. There are some wounds that will never heal. You just learn to live with them. I hope that Pete has a good support system of family and friends, perhaps a relationship with the God of his understanding and will rise above the dark tugs that are trying to pull him down.

I woke up early this morning to this question, “Why love?” The answer, for me was about the warm feeling I get in my chest feeling the emotion of love. Then I had a dream, it was pretty long and I don’t remember many details of it. It was basically about a hostage situation involving children and how happy their parents were when they were released. How happy the children were to get back to their parents. How many times have we seen that played out over the years in this country! It occurred to me this dream was a lot like how the world seems sometimes. It seems like the children of this world are being held hostage over a bunch of unresolved fights.

13 Dec 2018 – I keep a notepad and pen by my bed.

This mornings message connects to what I shared yesterday I think.

12 Dec 2018 – something like lack of sleep can really put a person on edge. This “torrent” came from such a thing.

The information from this morning brought this song to my mind. The lyrics really resonate with what I’m trying to say here:

When did we become these sinking stones?
When did we build this broken home?
Holding each other like ransom notes
Dropping our hearts to grip our brother’s throat

You can’t see because you don’t know
You’re caught below, beneath your own shadow
Stuck inside, half alive
Do you ever stop to ask yourself why?
Close your mind, identify
Do you feel, do you feel?
Do you call this a life?
All you waited for
Drowning just to keep score

We always start with good intentions
But lose ourselves along the way

This is the time that we let it go
These are the words that will take us home
Singing the song that’s inside us all
If we don’t open our eyes we’re walking blind

Naked we come, naked we leave
Fools we are, to hold tightly
We are the jail, we are the key
We are free, we are free
This is the time that we let it go
This is the pain we are forced to know
Singing the song that’s inside us all
If we just open our eyes​

Hello there. Hope this finds you well. My husband and I are having to make some adjustments to our schedules for a job he’s taken on and part of that involves sleep.

With our world that never sleeps, it’s hard for people who work night shifts to get sleep and it’s hard for people who work day shifts to get sleep at night. I’ve never really thought it was a very good idea to put people through such things but with the power industries, the power must flow uninterrupted. Without electricity and energy sources, most of us would not do very well without heated homes and lights to turn on with a flick of the switch (or a voice command in the more high tech homes these days.)

As most of you who visit me here know, we have two dogs. Well part of being a dog is to bark. Not a great thing when you are the one trying to get some sleep to go to work in a few hours. It’s hard on us and our companions we share our lives with. We have to essentially demand they stop being a dog, a cat, a bird or any sort of living being for the duration we are trying to rest. As those familiar with shifts know, that just doesn’t happen!

Well today Spot was barking at the kids coming home from school like she normally does. It’s not the kids fault for walking home. It’s not Spots fault for being a dog and barking but and an eruption of anger, in the form of my husband, came storming out at me wondering why the heck I didn’t put her inside and all of that. I “barked at him” and he “barked at me” and he went back to bed. I’ve gotten angry like that before too when I’m overtired. He wasn’t really mad at me, not mad at Spot…..he was just tired and trying to get some sleep. I can imagine the hell his Mom went through with his Dad working odd schedules all those years…five boys! Stop being boys! Nope! They had dogs too!

Anyhew…..

So I ran a couple of various number runs on this, which I’ve shared in the picture I’ve included. What it came to, it seems, is control over anger. The ability to keep your cool in the midst of less than desirable circumstances…..not always an easy thing to do!

12 Dec 2018 – something like lack of sleep can really put a person on edge. This “torrent” came from such a thing. Some of the things here are what I’ve heard people say to each other in anger. Things I’ve said when I was mad about something or someone. We are not machines.

As I’ve been working with this system to riddle out things for myself, I noticed that sometimes there is a number within a number if that makes sense. The initial total doesn’t always tell the whole story.

control over anger when you are in a moving vehicle in Simple Gematria equals: 505 (five = 42 + zero = 64 + five = 42= 148)

Halt is an acronym I learned in AA that helps me with anger sometimes. I failed to use it today. The heat of the moment got me! It’s important to take a moment when you get mad and that doesn’t always happen.

This train of thought was thinking about super famous people like Prince, like Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson, David Bowie and so many others in entertainment, government, leaders of companies, local government officials, police, fire department, first responders, healthcare workers and how being exposed to the hordes of us probably affected them. I was also thinking about myself and so many I know that are categorized as heavy, obese or even fat and how difficult it can be to lose weight and keep it off. It’s all connected in my mind.

Even if we act like we don’t care about other people, we are still exposed to their pain and all the spiritual, emotional and physical baggage they carry with them as they walk through the world. We are mostly made of water and in some ways like sponges I want to say. We are extremely absorbent of the world we interact with. These days the toxicity levels of folks in this world is pretty high. Preparing for the holidays or experiencing them can be chaotic for many folks. I don’t like this time of year very much. It’s gotten worse over the years because it’s become so materialistic versus being about the intangible aspects. Those intangibles vary from person to person. For me, it’s being with family, friends and giving thanks for nice shared meal together. As I’ve gotten older the gift aspect just isn’t as important to me as it once was. Guess I’ve become a bit of a ol’ fuddy duddy they say!

What do we do to not feel pain within ourselves or others? We distract ourselves. Some of us eat, we drink, we go shopping, we play video games, we binge watch our favorite shows on streaming services, we “do things” to compensate. Some people don’t get overweight in this process. They just get really sick emotionally, spiritually and or physically. From what I’ve experienced and observed in others it’s either an out or in kind of thing. The number values here, and there are many more variables that can be added, seem to support what I’ expressing here. It’s important to find healthy ways to externalize and process the pain and other “stuff” we are absorbing from the world we are exposed to each day.

I hope something here resonates and is helpful to you!

being fat in Simple Gematria equals: 64

obesity in Simple Gematria equals: 95

some people literally expand to contain all the pain they absorb from the world they live in in Simple Gematria equals: 909

nice people who are obese in Simple Gematria equals: 216

= 1284/15/6/3 cycle

*The ways they choose to compensate often make things worse* (Speaking from experience here)

I woke up thinking of this song and crying about a young man we love and care about who has chosen to join the Navy and leave home. A journey many of us have made. A journey I chose to make to join the Air Force on 13 Aug 1986. It’s a choice made about getting away, leaving home, trying to find and make a better life for ourselves. It’s important to know why your leaving before you go. You can’t run from yourself. Where you go, there you are no matter how fast the car.

2 Aug 2009 – Here he is with our Sam. We were celebrating his Grandpa Ed’s s 75th birthday. Seems so long ago!

fast car in Simple Gematria equals: 68 (I was born in 1968)

As I look at my life in this moment, there is a comfort in this. Regardless of “how” or “why” we seem to get “there.” Wherever “there” is meant to be for us. There is so much wrapped up in all that. So many variables that are beyond our control. The variable at the center of whatever happens is us and our behavior in the midst of it. For me, the other variables have been God and love. The God part has changed a lot as I have gone through life. I had to abandon many parts of what I learned and was taught early in my life to find God for myself.

It’s been hard, especially these past years to trust this world and the people in it. I have had to remind myself that each and every life on this planet, in whatever it’s shape and form is part of the God of my understanding. The earth and the energy forces that keep it together. Whether or not I love each shape and form is my choice. I have found that because I know I have made many mistakes and am not perfect that everyone is worthy of love. Worthy of a chance (or may be more than one). Worthy of forgiveness; I don’t forget easily. It doesn’t mean they have to part of my day to day life or in my life at all, but I still love and care about them.

I left home thinking I was going to get away from a small town. I left home thinking I was going to get away from the influence of my parents. I left home not really completely knowing why I was doing it. I do know I was running. Not like I did in cross country and track….the other kind of running. Doesn’t that seem a bit like what birds in nature do? They either leave the nest on their own or Mom and Dad push them out? Neither of them really knows what’s going to happen, it’s just what their programmed to do. The programming of nature as a whole seems a bit off these days doesn’t it?

7 Dec 2018 some pictures of people I love still here. My Mom use to bake and decorate the most amazing cakes for me! DSC_0287

7 Dec 2018 – These bluebird figurines were given to me by my Grandma Schmidt. She said the two stuck together were her and Grandpa and I was the one who could fly away. DSC_0289

Hello to you. I ran some numbers this morning on the subject of attraction and what I’ve seen for myself as evidence there must be eternal life. Some would say these are just words, just phrases and numbers they don’t mean anything. Well this is how we communicate to each other. We use words and we use numbers….does that make them meaningless? I believe that the God of my understanding works through each of us to include language and numbers we use to communicate. They say only 10% of a human is actually human. What is the other 90%? What are they doing in and outside of us and how does that affect civilization? Affect communication? Affect how we relate to each other….why we have all these ongoing “fights” we can’t seem to get resolved. I’m going to give an example I’ve noticed lately in myself. I will be looking at something, reading something, hearing something and then all the sudden I scratch my nose and I find myself thinking, “that stinks.” Like my body is giving me a verbal indication of disagreement or dislike of what I’m interacting with. Is that just a coincidence? I would encourage to take a look at these variables…words…numbers. Check my work. Add other things that come to your mind and see what comes forth for you personally.

I would encourage you to pay attention to how you and your own body interact. Do you get the chills when you are around someone? Do you get flushed when you are around someone? Do you find yourself drawn to a particular scent someone is wearing? Why is that happening? Is it memory? Is it attraction? Is it the beings within us? As much as we’d like to think we are in control of who and what we are and the world around us, I suspect we are not.

Hello to you. the past couple of days I have been riddling out a lot of personal things which include scripture. For most of my life, pretty much ever since I found out the cause for my birth mother’s taking her own life, post partum depression, I have been blaming myself. Post Partum depression, or what they call “Baby Blues” is something that occurs after child birth. If I hadn’t ever been born may be she wouldn’t have done what she did. My Dad and I don’t talk much about my Mom and that’s because I know it would hurt him and it hurts me too. I love my Dad so much. I know if we embarked on those discussions it would be like opening Pandora’s Box. He has found a way through this life without opening it. I must open my own. We all have one. A place inside of us that we put things too horrible to face and we shut them away so we can almost forget they even exist. It’s important to remember even the best of boxes don’t always seal completely shut and contents leak out.

One thing he did tell me about her was her devotion to God and religion. Perhaps overly so. Her father, Reverend Harold or Hal Becker, served the God of his understanding for many years. His wife Carol, my Mom Jeanne, her sister Ruth and their brother Bill were part of that service. After she took her life at the young age of 26 with the gun my Dad used in his work as a policeman, he put away that service, never got over my Mom’s death and neither have I. There was much blaming and finger pointing after she died. Mostly directed at my Dad for leaving his gun in the house with her after she came home from Yankton State Mental Hospital. Ultimately who is to blame? My Mom. She chose to do what she did whatever her state of mind was at the time. Who is to blame when we become overweight? When we succumb to a night of drinking? Texting while we are driving and get into an accident? We want it to be someone or something else. We would like to have someone or something else to blame besides ourselves.

Her death has been and still is a mystery, a cold-case file that there aren’t any answers to. I have gained personal insight in my quest to know her. She and I have much in common, if what I’ve been told about her and have read is true. She loved God. Loving God is a lot like being in love with a ghost. You can’t see a tangible being but recently, within the past few years, that changed for me. I started to understand why I was always fascinated with Dracula lore by reflecting on what I experienced trying to be a Roman Catholic. I can remember one time as a child kneeling during mass and really thinking about what was being said about the blood of Christ and I nearly fainted!

With the help of my Dad and others like Cesar Millan, Maran Keshe, Nikola Tesla and Wilhelm Reich and so many others (animals, insects, the trees, plants, fish etc) living and dead I began to understand energy. I began to look around and see God everywhere in everyone and everything….”everything is energy….everything is God.” Just this past year or so the exploration of words as numbers came to me. Now I dig even deeper and find truth in numbers and I am even closer to the God I have come to understand.

I don’t blame God for my misfortunes. I don’t blame God for anything because my life has been a series of choices I made. There might be some behind the scenes stuff going on I am not privy to but to look at my life for it’s face value – it’s my responsibility. Loving the God of my understanding and seeking to know them better helps me make better choices.

Jesus Comforts His Disciples

14 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God[a]; believe also in me.2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you?3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.4 You know the way to the place where I am going.”

Jesus Promises the Holy Spirit

15 “If you love me, keep my commands.16 And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever—17 the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[c] in you.18 I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.19 Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live.20 On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you.21 Whoever has my commands and keeps them is the one who loves me. The one who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love them and show myself to them.”

Lots of dreams last night. I had some trouble last night after I found out George H W Bush had died on the 30th. Early the morning of the 1st it rained very hard here at the house…..like someone crying. No matter what I think, no matter what I have felt about him in the past, I am sad for those he’s left behind. I thought of George who has now lost both his Mom and Dad. I don’t care who you are, that hurts.

Something telling is his age was 94 and that is the same number value for human being! No matter what someone has said, what they have done in the end of it all that is what we are. We aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. We do things and say things we regret. Where the roads split is whether we have any remorse or not about those things. What we do to make amends.It’s important to at least try.

I learned in AA about making amends to those I had harmed with my drinking and behavior. Sometimes it would hurt someone more deeply if you try to say your sorry than if you just don’t say anything at all and just try to be a better person. There is some truth to this I imagine. Who wants to be a world leader? President of all things? A lot of people think they do until they actually have to walk into that office and start signing paperwork and making decisions about an entire country of people….much like a king of times past. We, the people not in positions of authority, don’t know everything that is going on behind the scenes. I think sometimes if we did, it would be too much for the average person to handle that is already handling way too much in their own lives. I appreciate the truth. For me personally, honesty would be appreciated so lies and mistakes don’t have to be discovered and covered. What a tightrope to walk. Just my opinion.

human being in Simple Gematria equals: 94

Some of the dreams slipped through and I lost them but what is in my notes above and this phrase as I woke up did stick with me:

“I’m not part of this moment anyway. I’m part of millions of different ones.”

im not part of this moment anyway im part of millions of different ones in Simple Gematria equals: 734

A girl in my dream in the convoy was humming this song. I had Kyle show me the video and there was a lot of information for me. There always has been a lot of information for me in these types of videos because I’m the type of person, thanks Grandpa Schmidt, who doesn’t always take things at face or surface value. I’ve been accused and guilty of being incredibly gullible and easily influenced during my life. I learned from those accusations. Am I digging too deeply? I doubt it. The words we use are not “just words.” The numbers we use are not “just numbers.” They are both language and numbers….a song even.

I believe the God of my understanding speaks to and works through us to convey the messages we need at any given time. Not every song from every genre will resonate with me. Sometimes it takes a very long time and I will come back to a song when I am ready or need to hear it. I just love music as does Kyle.

When I get goosebumps hearing a song, I know the person singing is genuinely singing from their heart.

Last night we attempted to watch the Lady Gaga documentary 5 Ft 2. I think I watched just enough to get the keys I needed to unlock what I’m sharing with you now. She is a very old soul and it comes through in her voice. Hearing her sing the National Anthem, hearing her sing Million Reasons in the video gave me goosebumps.

Around the World (La La La La La) – this song and video has information

Inside an empty room my inspiration flows
Now wait to hear the tune around my head it goes
The magic melody you want to sing with me
Just la la la la la the music is the key
And now the night is gone still it goes on and on
So deep inside of me I long to set it free
I don’t know what to do just can’t explain to you
I don’t know what to say oh not another word

Just la la la la la it goes around the world
Just la la la la la it’s all around the world
Just la la la la la and everybody’s singing
La la la la la and now the bells are ringing

The kisses of the sun (it goes around, around, around, around, around around the world)
La la la la la it goes around the world
Just la la la la la it’s all around the world
Just la la la la la and everybody’s singing
La la la la la and now the bells are ringing

seven billion reasons in Simple Gematria equals: 229/13

million reasons in Simple Gematria equals: 175/13

Million Reasons – this song has heart

You’re giving me a million reasons to let you go
You’re giving me a million reasons to quit the show
You’re givin’ me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin’ me a million reasons
About a million reasons

If I had a highway, I would run for the hills
If you could find a dry way, I’d forever be still
But you’re giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin’ me a million reasons
About a million reasons

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Head stuck in a cycle, I look off and I stare
It’s like that I’ve stopped breathing, but completely aware
‘Cause you’re giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin’ me a million reasons
About a million reasons

And if you say something that you might even mean
It’s hard to even fathom which parts I should believe
‘Cause you’re giving me a million reasons
Give me a million reasons
Givin’ me a million reasons
About a million reasons

I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one to stay

Baby I’m bleedin’, bleedin’
Stay
Can’t you give me what I’m needin’, needin’
Every heartbreak makes it hard to keep the faith
But baby, I just need one good one
Good one, good one, good one, good one, good one

When I bow down to pray
I try to make the worst seem better
Lord, show me the way
To cut through all his worn out leather
I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away
But baby, I just need one good one, good one
Tell me that you’ll be the good one, good one
Baby, I just need one good one to stay

Meta

The best symbol to identify me is like the tattoo I have of a chameleon. The best way to understand my spirituality is to take in the beauty of any tree. Everything I need to know about birth, life, death and immortality can be summed up in the life of a tree! I am a creator. If I can figure out a way to make something I see with my own hands I do it. I love to do anything creative - wire bending, writing, drawing, singing, crocheting blankets, photography. I am a very spiritual person...not religious. Mother Nature and all of her creation are my church and spending time outside with her is my greatest therapy. Walking, meditating, praying and doing Tai Chi/interpretive dance in nature is how I pray. My life is an expression of life with the God of my understanding. My God is the energy that made all that is and continues to sustain it.
Some of my mottos: Everything I've ever been through whether it be good or bad has been for a reason. It is my responsibility, when given the opportunity, to share my experience, strength and hope with others who are facing what I've been through. I try to Lead by Example! Life for me is not about quantity, it's about quality. Money is only energy....not life. I feel if one person is positively affected by my writing here....my mission has been accomplished....one tells one....and so on. In the beginning and the end of life all that will ever be meaningfully remembered about you is one thing....Love. Loved and Be Loved.