Sunday, October 18, 2009

Wayne and I went to a super fun Halloween Party the other night. Here is a pic of us as Antony and Cleopatra. We had fun dressing up, and Wayne won the archery tournament. I will add a slide show as soon as I have all the pics. My favorite costume of the night, was the polygamist man and his two wives. It was very unexpected and hilarious!

So, we went to the Pumpkin Patch to find pumpkins for Halloween. As you know, this is a very important decision in the life of a child! We love this pumpkin patch, because we get to pull a wagon to put the pumpkins in after we find them, but the kids like to ride in the wagon before we find the pumpkins. Wayne was a bit reluctant to pull the kids along, but he did it anyway. Conrad pulled the wagon most of the time after he and Soph got out. The rule is, that you have to be able to lift the pumpkin you choose. Conrad likes the ones with odd shapes, and Sophie likes big ones that are rather round. After much searching, we found the perfect pumpkin for each of us.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Last year, a bunch of cute girlfriends and I made advent calendars for our kids for Halloween. They were not hard to make, but they were time consuming. I try to fill mine with mainly little crafts and activities, not many treats, as they get more than enough sugar this month. The kids were SO excited when I hung it up.

I started shopping early, like August, and I think I found great stuff. After Halloween last year, I gathered all the Halloween things floating around the house, and put them in a box. I ended up reusing some of the things from last year in the advent calendar too, and put them back in the pockets for the kids to get this year, and I don't think they even know!

The kids have something to look forward to every day when they come home from school, but they have to behave in order to get what is in the pockets.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

My friend Linda is a professional organizer, and was asking for tips to make cleaning easier. I submitted a few ideas, and she went to KSL with them. They loved the way I use my apron when I clean, so they came and filmed me in action last week. Here is a link to the clip, and the page.

So, in July, I started working on Halloween quilts for the kids. I made them, and kept them a secret in the craft room for months. I also made them each a Halloween tree, with handmade ornaments, and got them each pajamas (which they needed anyway) and Halloween tissue boxes. When they got home from school before UEA, I had everything set out in their rooms. You should have heard them when they saw it all! They were SO excited. The blanket was on each bed, the trees, banners, and tissue boxes were set up. Wayne and I gave them their PJ's later that night. They were stoked!!! It is so fun to do things for them, because they appreciate it so much. I hope we have made some fun memories for them.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Tonight we went to the Haunted Woods! We Went to dinner at Arctic Circle, so the kids could get a square pumpkin and flashlight ring, then headed out to Provo Canyon to catch the train. We waited in line for quite a while, and Con was way excited to see the train up close and personal. We decided to sit in an outside car. It was a bit chilly, but fun. We saw a few haunted scenes on the way, and listened to a few haunted stories over the speakers. A couple crazy characters walked the train on the way up. On the way down we went to an inside car, where it was much warmer. The characters from the scenes boarded the train. Sophie was crying: to put it in perspective... she cried at Bugs Life, in Disneyland! Conrad's eyes were really big, but he said he wasn't scared. They were happy to get off, and both of them said they didn't want to do that again!!! On the way home, Wayne told the kids he thought one of the scary guys was on top of the van, and then he rolled the kids windows down, and told them to punch the scary guy out. Both kids started screaming and freaking out!!! I had to tell them the truth. I never knew Wayne could be such a tease! Our kiddos are so much fun! We are glad to have them.

Today was a sweet day. We were able to participate a walk in honor of Molly, and families who have experienced pregnancy or infant loss. We got there and registered. We got our t-shirts with Molly, and many other babies names on it. We wrote a little note for Molly, to attach to a balloon, and we listened to a sweet poem, and tearful musical number, then we were given a balloon to hold, as we walked a path through Layton Park.

We met our friends Kim and Craig Helgesen there, and Kim's sister-in-law, Lindzi Helgesen. It was nice to be there with someone we knew, and feel their love and support.

After walking with all the other families, we went back to the amphitheater, and listened as the announcers called out the names of each baby lost. When your babies name was read, you let your balloon go, and watched it sail away. Before we let ours go, the kids hugged and kissed it. The kids each let a pink balloon go for Molly, and Wayne and I let a white balloon go for each of our other miscarriages. It was so sweet. It was touching for me to listen to all the names, and see the two announcers tearfully release a few balloons of her own, in honor of her baby(s) . It was especially touching to see all the many balloons there, and hear one woman in particular, who let off eight balloons. I can't even imagine how hard things have been for her.

I have a new appreciation for Utah Share, and even though they were not called on my behalf in the hospital, they have done, and continue to do so much good for families at such a hard time. They provided the blankets and hat Molly was dressed in in the hospital. I was thankful for all the volunteers who made today such a special one.

After letting the balloons off, and getting a snack and drink, the kids wanted to play in the park. We let them play for a few minutes, but it was so cold. They had a great time... after all, life does go on. It's a good thing it does.

Friday, October 9, 2009

So, tonight we went to dinner at Pizza Factory (love the bread sticks!). Sophie was taking a bite of her pizza, when she lost her tooth! She found it on her plate, and saved it to bring home for the tooth fairy. Then we went to The Enchanted Woods at the Tree house Museum. We had a great time. My mom met us there with Emily and Allie. The kids dressed up, and got to go trick-or-treating, and listen to stories told by characters from nursery rhymes. It was fun, and the kids were darling. I had fun being there with my nieces, my kids, my cute mom, and my hot husband :) When we were driving home, Soph was playing with the flute she was given earlier, and Conrad didn't want to get his out, for fear of the rats following us home, as the Pied Piper was at the museum tonight, and told her story. hehe

The other pics at the first of the slide show are of a Halloween dinner we had on Thursday night. The kids helped make the witches. We had fun. When it came time for dinner, neither one of them would eat a meatball eyeball, and just opted for the plain meatballs.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

I have been blessed with the BEST girlfriends ever! Some live in my neighborhood, and others live across the country, and across the world! I have to hand it to my girls... they are adventuresome! I got to see Haley a few weeks ago. She came in to take care of her mom, who had knee surgery. I picked her up from the airport, and we went to lunch. I love Haley, and miss her SO much!

We have felt so loved, and so blessed to have so many wonderful friends, family, and neighbors in our lives throughout the past 5 1/2 weeks. We received so many cards, flowers, meals, gifts, kind words and hugs. When I started writing out thank you cards, I was amazed at how many I wrote. We are truly blessed for everyone we know. We hope we can pay it forward. We love you all.

After I had Sophie, I made her blessing dress, with the help of my mother. It is beautiful, and I still love it. If Molly had lived, I would have made one for her as well. After I delivered her, and I knew we were going to bury her, I thought about what she would be buried in, and the hospital had nothing I found suitable. I had her on Thursday, and we were going to bury her on Sat. So, Friday morning, I went out, and bought the fabric and trimmings for a perfect little dress. It was the hardest purchase I have ever had to make. I cried the whole time. I came home, and got a bit of it done, but couldn't seem to will myself to do the rest. It was so hard to think about what I was doing, and why I was doing it. I knew it would be the last thing I could ever give her. My mom called, and when I asked her to help, she told me she would be honored. She came right away, and got it all put together. I don't know what I would ever do without my mom. She has been wonderful through all this. I think it turned out beautifully.

I love her little bib with the, "M," on it. Made just for her.

Sophie got to make Molly a bracelet, and I got to make matching ones for myself and Soph.

My babies bonnets.

Blessing and burial outfits.

The only toy I will ever give her. I put a bracelet on the bear as well.

I knew I wanted to blog about this, but thought it would be too hard. I am making myself do it, as it will probably help me heal even more. August 26 was a super busy day. I made yummy pear jam with my cute cousin Shauna all day. My back hurt, I was tired, and after the kids got home from school, they had snacks, homework, and I was frantically trying to clean up, get them ready for that nights activities. Conrad had a soccer game at 5:30, and Sophie had ballet at 6. I had a Dr appointment at 6:30. Things were rushed. The appointment was just the gender confirmation and check-up, as we found out we were having a girl at the 14 week visit, but we were just going to make sure. As soon as I got in the car, I turned the radio on, and felt more calm. I went to the Dr office, and waited until they got me back. When she took me back, and started with the ultrasound, I was telling her how a dear friend of mine had lost her sweet baby boy at 14 weeks, and how sad I was for her. I didn't hear a hear a heart beat, and asked her if there was a heart beat. She said, "No." I didn't believe her at first, and asked that she check again. She did, and confirmed there was no heartbeat. She measured the babies head, and it was small for gestational age. I was in complete shock and started to sob, as she told me she was going to have to deliver me, and that I could pick the day and time. She told me she was sorry, gave me a few more details about the delivery for what is known as a, "fetal demise," and left me alone in the cold stark room. I managed to make my way out of the office in a fog of tears. I remember having to stop at the top of the stairs to wipe my eyes, so I could actually see the stairs, and not trip. I kept calling Wayne the whole way out, but couldn't get him to answer. I then called the neighbor, and she got Wayne who was mowing the lawn, and he called me right back. I told him what had happened. He asked me if I was sure, and started to cry when I told him yes. I asked him to wait to tell the kids until I got home. He met me in the garage, and hugged me, and cried with me. Then we went into the living room, and called the kids in. They knew from the look on our faces, that things were not good. We told the kids what happened, and Sophie started sobbing for her little sister, uncontrollably. Conrad was sad as well, and drew me a picture. Both kids kept hugging my belly, and kissing my round belly, and saying they love the baby. Sophie just kept saying she just wanted to see Molly, as we told her we had to deliver. We had a miscarriage at 10 weeks in December, and I had a D&C, and the kids were sad they never got to see the baby. We decided to deliver as soon as possible, and the hospital fit us in that night. My mom took the kids, and we headed to the hospital.

When we got there, they gave us a quiet room, that looked just like the room we delivered Conrad in. As I looked around the room, and at the monitors, and the place they lay the newborn baby after it is born, it was so sad, it seemed almost like a dream. They gave me oral labor inducing pills, and an ambien. I thankfully fell asleep a few minutes later. Wayne was not so lucky, and was up with his thoughts, and hospital sounds the bulk of the night. It was so surreal for both of us.

When I awoke the next day, they gave me more pills, and we tearfully awaited the birth of our sweet daughter's tiny body. A few hours later, they gave me an epidural, because in many cases, when you have a stillborn, the placenta does not come out on it's own, and the doc has to do a d&c right there on the spot.

We did not know how long she had been deceased, and the nurses were preparing us for the worst. We didn't know what to expect. We didn't know if she would be deformed, or missing limbs or skin, or if she would even look like a baby. I knew it was about time to deliver, and we patiently waited. There was no anxious excitement this time, no monitors, ho heated bed to receive her, just two sweet nurses, me, and Wayne. I felt her slip out of me, not like my other babies deliveries had been, but a sweet delicate surrender from my body to the earth. Wayne was holding my hand. I didn't dare look at her at first, for fear of what I might see. Wayne looked, and when I asked him how she looked, he said, "Beautiful."

I looked at me sweet tiny helpless lifeless baby lying there. There was nothing I could do for her. No way to make it better. I cried sweet tears. I felt lucky to be her mom, and help her on her quest to get a little body, as much as she needed. She was beautiful. She was meant to be my daughter, and I her mother. The veil was thin. I felt peace and comfort. I felt an instant connection with her, the same as I did with my other babies, the minute they were born. My love for her grew tenfold. The nurses cleaned her up, just like they would any other healthy living baby. They put a tiny hat on her tiny head, and wrapped her in soft blankets and gave her a teddy bear. They handed her back to me and Wayne, and we looked at her, and loved her, and cried.

We called my mom, and friend DL. Wayne went and got the kids, and my mom and DL and Bear came to the hospital to meet their sister, grandaughter, and niece.

Our only family picutre. I wish I could have forced myself to smile.

After we had held her a while, they told us our options were to have her creamated, or to burry her. The thought of burning my sweet daughter's helpless body gave me a stomach ache. We chose to burry her, and are so glad we did.

My sweet Molly taught me more than I would have ever thought. I am so thankful for every minute she was in my body. Thankful for every second our lives were joined. Wayne and I are thankful for every night she slept between us, every hug she shared with us. She is eternally part of us, and we are lucky that it is so. We love our dear sweet angel daughter. We are blessed to have been able to share even a second with her. We cherish our memories, and our love still grows for her as for our other children.

Can I just say... this was one of the most fun most memorable trips ever. I highly recommend it! I made the kids Indian outfits, which they were happy to wear everywhere. People stopped us for pictures the whole time. They were a hit!

I can never believe how big the kids are when they go back to school every year. Seems like just yesterday, they were little babies, and now my baby is in kindergarten! Eagle Bay Elementary has a flag ceremony on the first day of school, where the kids get to go line up and watch.

We put Conrad in soccer this year for the first time as well. He was not as into it as he was T-ball, so I don't think we will have a soccer star on our hands any time soon, but he sure did look cute in his little outfit!

We have the BEST trail, right behind out house. It is a beautiful walk, and SO convenient! Farmington City has really worked hard at making a great trails system. We really work hard at trying to take advantage of it!

I We went to Lava Hot Springs in July, and it was SO MUCH FUN! We camped right on the river, and were within walking distance from the pools. I have to say... our camera was having issues, and so most of the pics are not good quality. Sorry.

Getting ready to ride the river. They were super excited, and we were told where to put in, and that it was a gentle ride - very suitable for the kids. I was pregnant at the time, and didn't want to ride, incase something happened, so I waited at the take-out.

I waited, and waited, and they never came. Finally, I saw them walking in the distance. They were all soaked, and Conrad was missing his flip flops. I guess they hit a rough patch, and all of them were thrown off their tubes head first. The kids were bawling, and Wayne was frantic to help them. After that, we went to get ice cream in town, and hoped to help them calm down. I wonder if they will dare to try it again next year.

Our set-up.

I bring crafts for thi kids to do every time we go anywhere. They loved filling up these bottles with colored sand.

Roasting marshmallows with no fire. It's the best way to do it, because you don't stink after.

The real way to eat a smore.

The BEST invention ever!!! Nutella on the smore instead of a chocolate bar. It is creamy, easy, and has a great flavor. Umm... I'm getting hungry!