]]>https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/you-never-saw-a-moth/feed/0jstewart123My hearthttps://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/my-heart/
https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/my-heart/#respondWed, 31 Jan 2018 03:54:44 +0000http://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/?p=160Who are you to bring me to this place. I had one. I housed myself in a vessel that said do not touch. I am a force of will and power. And it was not until him that I realized it beats and ticks. My heart will not be entertained by a flat line. I was the sound that starts a melody. Staccato. I met you then. I hadn’t realized a heart could skip and dance. I am alive.
]]>https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/31/my-heart/feed/0jstewart123Forget.https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/25/forget/
https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/25/forget/#respondThu, 25 Jan 2018 03:00:11 +0000http://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/25/forget/A wound that lasts forever. At age 19 he tried to get inside me. Terrified, traumatized. I was told to keep it to myself through the silence of my peers. I wasn’t raped. My friends say thank god. I was never allowed to grieve. Keep it to yourself, no one wants to hear. But It was my first heart break. A piece of me died, lost forever. Innocence taken by the way of makeshift hand cuffs a boy who thought he could get away with it. I tried to move on. Pain kept finding me in the shadows of my bedroom. Haunted. No one wanted to hear. I found comfort in others at my drunkest hour, who used me and did not care. Like a razor against my flesh, I could feel the pain I could not express. I was already tainted, no good, trash. I wondered how could anyone love me now. I am so angry at the man who stole so much from me by trying to have his way in my sleep. Age 21 the pain must stop. I worked on my pain, and found love for myself. I was strong. No one could me. I would protect myself. A year of celibatece. Love only for myself. Healed but I still weep for the 19 year old who felt she had to keep this to her self. She was 23 and who would have imagined it would happen again. He took away all I had worked for. Dirty rubbish trash. I weeped. To think when I was 19 I was told at least you didn’t get raped, but when I was 23 no one really cared that I was raped. The pain of rape and sexual assault live in these years. I have found love and I have found meaning in my life. But still I ache for what has been taken. Still I am silenced. Do wounds heal. When will I?
]]>https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2018/01/25/forget/feed/0jstewart123Find herhttps://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/find-her/
https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/find-her/#respondThu, 30 Nov 2017 04:13:31 +0000http://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/find-her/Sometimes I feel sad. I am told it is me not you. I am told I need to change. That I cannot rely on anyone else to aid my happiness. I am told to change a lot. Change your attitude, change the way you view things change how you feel about a situation. Can I say I am so sick of others telling me to look within. You gotta find yourself then you’ll be happy. But i am right here. I hate when people claim I’m a lost. That I need to find my soul. My beliefs are well written and rehearsed. Who I am tattooed on my palms, so I never forget. I hate being preached at. I am the present me. I’m growing and changing. I have good days and bad. But each day is a struggle between blaming myself for every feeling I have and blaming others for not allowing me to feel anything without being dismissed. You’re not really feeling this way because of me, you’re feeling this because you are lost, broken, damaged goods. Go fix yourself, find yourself, anything that puts your issues in isolation. In I don’t want to deal with your problems land. You you you. Inside I have this desire to be heard. To get that one sentence that has been on the tip of my tongue out. Let me speak. Give me a chance to process. Let me tell you what hurts me without telling me my feelings are wrong. Let me feel. Do not deny me my voice. The most intimate part of me. Let you feel. Let’s just be human. I’m sorry if I feel more than you.
]]>https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/11/30/find-her/feed/0jstewart123I am yourshttps://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/09/17/i-am-yours/
https://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/09/17/i-am-yours/#respondSun, 17 Sep 2017 02:05:41 +0000http://jstewart3blog.wordpress.com/2017/09/17/i-am-yours/A year ago