Category: Criminal/Illegal

(I used to work as a police officer back in old Yugoslavia. One summer night, I do a routine stop for a speeder. Surprisingly, it’s an old Fiat 500. I walk up and the window rolls down. I see the driver, a man. On his lap is a woman.)

Me: “Um, sir. Do you know why I pulled you over?”

Man: “Yes, I think I was speeding.”

Me: “You think? Well, it’s also because you have a woman on your lap.”

Man: “What are you talking about? I don’t have anyone on my lap!”

Me: “Sir, I am not stupid. There is a woman on your lap!”

Man: “Officer, I assure you there is no woman on my lap! Have you been drinking tonight?”

Me: “Okay, then. Sir, please step out of the car.”

Man: “What? I’ve done nothing wron—”

Me: “Step out of the car, sir.”

(The man comes out and so does the woman on his lap. As they exit, I look into the car and see another man in the passenger seat, also with a woman on his lap.)

Me: “Everyone step out of the car!”

(The other man and his woman friend step out as well, but unbelievably I see another 6 women come out of the back seat, 3 of whom had been sitting on the other women’s laps. As they all line up in front of me, I still can’t believe my eyes. 10 people—2 men and 8 women—somehow piled into this one tiny little car. I was so astonished that I let them go! I just made sure no one was drunk and that the driver had an open lap. Even then, I still followed them home to make sure they didn’t get into a wreck.)

(I work for a very successful low-budget airline. On this particular day, there is an air traffic control strike, which has caused an hour delay to the flight. One passenger has been kicking off at everything since he has got on board. He’s also traveling with his kids. We are in the air, doing the food service. We have run out of a popular sandwich that he wanted four of.)

Colleague: “I’m terribly sorry about that, sir. Is there a different sandwich I could get you, or would you like a refund?”

Passenger: “I don’t like any off the other f****** sandwiches. I wanted a [sandwich] and you don’t have it, so you can f*** off!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Unfortunately, we can’t guarantee availability. Here’s your money back for the sandwich. Can I get you anything else?”

Passenger: “You can f*** off, f****** mugging me off! I’ve just been charged five f****** pounds for a [soft drink]!”

(The sandwiches come as part of a deal where if you buy a soft drink, you get a free packet of crisps. As the sandwiches had been put through our machine already, the customer in question is actually up on the deal, having still gotten the free items.)

Colleague: “If I can just take you through your receipt, sir, you’ll see you are actually up on the deal…”

Passenger: “F*** you! You’re s***, and [Airline] is s***! F*** off, you f****** c***, and get back to your poxy little job!”

(At this point my colleague’s eyes are watering. I go to get a manager. When we get back, despite having moved the trolley to serve the rest of the cabin, the passenger is still kicking off.)

Manager: “No! You do not talk like that to my crew, and you do not swear on board this aircraft. There are kids on board!”

Passenger: “They’re my f****** kids, so f*** off!”

Manager: “There are other kids around you. Do not swear in front of them, and don’t swear at us, sir. We are trying to help you.”

(At this point, I’ve spoken to the captain to explain what’s going on. We arrange to have the police meet the aircraft, not to have him arrested, but to speak to him and make him realise that his behaviour is not acceptable. The captain then does a PA to say that abuse against staff will not be tolerated. Other passengers are getting involved at this point, backing us up, but the passenger continues to shout and swear…)

Passenger: “F***** discrimination, that’s what it is! If I ran a business like this, it would f****** go under!”

(He continues until we land. As everyone is disembarking, the captain comes out and approaches the passenger…)

Captain: “Mr. [Name]? Nice to meet you. I have someone I’d like to introduce you to…”

(He passed him to the biggest police officer I have ever seen. The passenger went white as he got off the plane. The best bit? The police ran a check on his name and it turned out he was a wanted man, and he ended up being arrested! If he’d just kept his mouth shut, then he wouldn’t have been arrested!)

(I work at a large retail store. A customer is just about to approach my register, when my counter phone rings. It is security.)

Security: “For this customer, just allow the return, then step away from my counter.”

(That is all they tell me. The customer then approaches.)

Me: “How can I help you today, ma’am?”

(The customer hands me an expensive bedding set.)

Customer: “Yes, I would like to return this, please.”

(I look at the receipt, and notice it was paid by cash.)

Me: “Okay, one moment, ma’am.”

(I process the return, give her the cash, and step away from my register as if to tidy shelves nearby. The customer walks away, and two minutes later my coworker from another department runs over and grabs me by the arm.)

Coworker: “What in the world just happened? Are you all right!?”

Me: “I’m fine. What’s going on?”

Coworker: “Security and the police just tackled your customer into the lingerie displays!”

(It turns out the customer was a scammer that would come in with just a receipt, pick up the item from the shelf that matched the receipt while a worker was busy, and then return the ‘bought’ item for cash. The customer had done this to 12 other stores before us. She was tackled when trying to run, after being confronted by the police.)

(I am working customer service at a big box store. A customer comes up with a box of bullets. Store policy and law states that ammunition cannot be returned for any reason. This is clearly printed on the bottom of the receipt, surrounded by a double box of asterisks.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need to bring back these bullets; they’re the wrong caliber.”

(The customer hands me the receipt.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but all ammunition is non-refundable. It says right here—”

Customer: “No, I don’t want my money back; I just want to get the right ones.”

Me: “I understand, but we can’t take ammo back under any circumstances. It’s store policy and the law.”

Customer: “No, no, no! The guy who sold them to me said if they were the wrong size I could come back and exchange it!”

Me: “No, he didn’t. There are three signs in sporting goods that clearly say you cannot return ammo. On the ammo case, behind the counter, and taped to the counter itself. It’s also clearly marked here on the bottom of your receipt. There is no way any associate in this store would tell you such a thing because it is against the law.”

(The customer leans over on the counter, in my face.)

Customer: “Are you calling me a LIAR?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, I am.”

(Clearly not expecting that answer, the customer stumbles his words a bit.)

Customer: “So… so what? I’m out by $30 and stuck with bullets I can’t use?”

Me: “Yes, sir, you are.”

Customer: “F***!”

(He snatches the receipt from my hand, and his bag of ammo, and storms off.)