Blogmorial Day

This Monday, every single person in America and its not-quite-sovereign, forcefully dominated territories (I’m looking at you, Puerto Rico), will bow their heads in solemn celebration of those who have served in the United States military. Without them, such mutually agreeable relationships — such as the one presented to Puerto Rico in July of 1898 by Rough Rider “friendship emissaries” at the height of the “Spanish-American Engagement” (source: Texas School Board of Education) — would not have been possible.

Rough Riders agreeably charge San Juan

But enough about Hispanic nations of negligible importance. Perhaps the finest example of military friendship between the U.S. and a sovereign nation is the United States occupation of the Dominican Republic (or, as I like to call it, “rockupation”).

I know what you’re saying, I know. But SorryDave.wordpress.com, which United States occupation of the Dominican Republic? And while, yes, 1916-1924 was awesome, I have to go with 1965-1966. Okay, it was shorter, but the time-frame means that soldiers were flying around in helicopters and blasting The Doors or some shit, which is profoundly cooler than anything that happened pre-1930, and necessary for any proper rockupation.

I’m not going to rehash the details here, because I’m already so sure it was awesome and fun that I don’t need to actually learn about it. The important thing is that Dave is probably here because some American Renaissance Man-Warrior (the complicated kind who would plant things) planted the very mango pit that would one day grow into a Dominican hospital. And in that hospital, almost 25 years ago, Dave lept, fully-formed, from his mother’s uterus and was probably immediately offended by something I said about him on the Internet.