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Sunday, December 03, 2006

Ken Starr Caught Selling Pornography To Support Drug Habit

Toledo, Ohio - Police in Toledo today arrested former Special Prosecutor Ken Starr for possession of crack cocaine and the selling of pornography to a minor. The incident occurred shortly after midnight in an abandoned warehouse frequented by addicts and prostitutes. A plain clothes detective witnessed Starr selling hardcore photos of Britney Spears to an adolescent shortly before he purchased a small quantity of crack cocaine from a known dealer.

As Starr was taken into custody he pleaded with the officers to let him go and said that he had powerful friends who would take care of them if they cooperated. Detective Allen, one of the arresting officers, said "Starr freaked out when we put the handcuffs on him. He was offering us money and telling us that he was close friends with President Bush and Vice President Cheney and that we would be rewarded if we just let him go. Of course, we didn't know who he was when we cuffed him. To us, he was just another junkie going down."

A few hours after being taken into custody, Starr was released on bail and immediately entered a rehabilitation center. His only comment to reporters was that he hoped people wouldn't judge him too harshly for selling pornography to a minor because he "was only doing it to support his crack habit."

7 Comments:

Ken fuckwit Starr..a nemisis from the past. Thanks for this lovely dream..if only it were true! He spent millions of our tax dollars for nothing..kind of like our current resident of the Oval office, except put a "B" in front of the illions.

Dusty, Ken Starr is no "nemesis from the past"; he's hard at work being a reactionary crusader right now in the present.

In 2002 an Alaskan high school student unfurled a “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” banner during the Olympic torch relay. His high school principal suspended him for two weeks, even though the incident took place in public, not on school grounds, and school had been officially let out that day for the purpose of seeing the Olympic torch pass by.

The prinicpal acted under what she interpreted as "enforcing a school policy against displaying messages that promote illegal substances."

The Ninth US Circuit Court said,"The question comes down to whether a school may, in the absence of concern about disruption of educational activities, punish and censor non-disruptive, off-campus speech by students during school-authorized activities because the speech promotes a social message contrary to the one favored by the school. The answer under controlling, long-existing precedent is plainly `No.'"

But "plainly 'No'" is not what Ken Starr wanted to hear. Starr is taking it all the way to the US Supreme Court.

And the Supreme Court just agreed agreed to hear the case.

Ken Starr, Newt Gingrich - none of these guys have vanished, they were just laying low for a bit.

Prior to the arest, Ken Star has been quoted as saying: "Fellow Americans, our intelligence has been aware for some time of Fidel Castro's ambition to develope a nuclear cigar weapon with the help of Russia. Thanks to the newly appointed leader of al-Qaeda, Michael Grade, who was a double agent working for the CIA, we now have absolute proof that Mr. Castro has weapons of smoke destruction (WSD). This flagrant breach of Article 7,869-CRA-P of the U.N. non-smoking proliferation charter is a clear act of hostility towards the world's cigar smokers. Therefore, I have ordered an immediate naval blockade of Cuba and deployed 3 mega-tonnes of grade A enriched plutonium X to Poland, which can be diluted in bottles of 100 proof vodka as a stark warning to Mr. Putin not to mess with this ol' Texan boy. The Cuban Polonium-Cigar Crisis should remind all decent cigar smokers of the world what grave danger they are in. As of today, all cigar manufacturers will be required to show the health warnings: 'cigars can cause mushroom clouds in your lungs' and for pregnant women: 'smoking stoggies can produce translucent babies'.Finally, I would ask all the press people here and those of you watching at home to bow your heads, get down on your knees and pray to God that he will will help us through this polonium-cigar crisis."