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I'm genuinely curious here - what does 'polyamorous' mean to you? Because (as others have already said) by most people's definition, polygamy is a type of polyamory, which would mean you ARE currently in a polyamorous relationship...

I'm not trying to tell you what to call your relationship - I'm firmly of the belief that we shouldn't label others - but I just wondered why you're so strongly anti-polyamory.

Everyone's poly is different - there are as many ways to be polyamorous as there are poly people!

She's saying that she is in a polygynous relationship, and therefore is monogamous. She's not polyamorous.

Her husband is the only polyamorous (or multi-loving) person in the group, from my understanding. Although, I technically believe that 99% of humanity is polyamorous. You love both parents, you love all your kids. That's multi-love. It's just whether or not you choose to "limit" yourself in your relationships.

__________________
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith

Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old

I'm genuinely curious here - what does 'polyamorous' mean to you? Because (as others have already said) by most people's definition, polygamy is a type of polyamory, which would mean you ARE currently in a polyamorous relationship...

I'm not trying to tell you what to call your relationship - I'm firmly of the belief that we shouldn't label others - but I just wondered why you're so strongly anti-polyamory.

Everyone's poly is different - there are as many ways to be polyamorous as there are poly people!

Polyamory (from Greek πολύ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor/love) is the practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Let me try to clarify not only on polyamory but any type of relationship in general...including friendships that are sexual in nature. I personally believe in commitment in relationships...all relationships, not just marriages. I believe especially in fidelity in relationships when sex is involved. I do not necessarily believe sex is strictly for pro-creation, I am not against abortions, but I do believe (for myself) that sex is between married partners only. I would never be a swinger or have sex outside of my marriage. Polyamory (in my world) has a negative conotation in that sexual partners need no commitment what-so-ever to one another. This is true of many sexual relationships these days. I am not anti-gay in the least, but believe that there needs to be a commitment if sex is involved...a marriage, so yes, I am for gay marriage.

I noted to a friend one day recently that we are closely akin to many of the values of the Amish...Amish polygamists, imagine that! We espouse many of the values of simplicity that the Amish espouse. We also shun (for ourselves) many values held by today's "modern" world.

So sexual polyamory to me without marriage is a no-no. No matter what the sexual commitment is, without marriage, I do not embrace it for myself, nor does any of my family embrace it. This is not a judgement of other lifestyles or lifestyle choices, we are simply pro-marriage and pro-family for US.

But you already told us, that you aren't officially married as it is impossible to do so in most states and countries. So if there is no official side to your marriage and no religious one, what is it that you regard as marriage? (Honestly confused, is there another form of marriage out there?)

But you already told us, that you aren't officially married as it is impossible to do so in most states and countries. So if there is no official side to your marriage and no religious one, what is it that you regard as marriage? (Honestly confused, is there another form of marriage out there?)

Our decision to have "paper mariages" is an act of civil disobedience, as we disagree with the one partner (opposite gender) laws of most states/countries.

"WE LIVE BY OUR OWN RULES AND ANSWER TO NO ONE BUT EACH OTHER"

If you wish to call it common law marriage, so be it. Honestly, if you want to boil it all down to what it is, marriage does not exist except by how any individual defines it. By the same token, marriage exists by any means an individual wishes to define it. I am not here to define for you what marriage is or is not, I am here to learn about forms of polyamory, study human behaviour and human interactions. I could get quite philisophical here but it is not the time nor place.

We are simply pro-marriage and pro-family for US.

Somehow I feel I am being scrutinized for every single thing I post here, as if it just can't be taken at face value. I have been reading (at least) the newer posts in between answering the myriad of questions regarding my beliefs posted in this thread.

We are well eductated people who believe in simple values, one of which is marriage...no more and no less. I have not picked apart other's posts as I have read them. I am here to learn about other people, not over anal-yze their belief systems or what they post here.

Yes, this is great, as the family will be reading and discussing this tonight and many nights, I am sure. I was the one delegated to embark on this , and actually excited about it, going on this quest for knowledge. I'm finding it more intersting than I expected it to be!

Thank you for your reply and your openness to inquire about my reality. My reality is in flux as I live and grow. I do not have absolute answers for others lives or beliefs, as we are unique in our experiences. I do try to remain introspective and reflective and discover what my own answers are. Usually this is rather like trying new foods. I give it a taste and find out if I like it or not. By continuing to explore the food, I determine what I like or dislike about it: smell, look, actual flavor(s), texture, temperature, etc. Of course if I find it palatable, it becomes part of my diet. If I do not find it palatable, I now know I will not consume it normally. If it causes me a violent physical reaction or allergic reaction, I know it is not something for me to eat ever again. Most all organized religions fall into the latter category...causing me a violent physical and emotional reaction. I can not say all religions, as I am certain there are many religions I know nothing about. The religions I am familiar with, however, do have common themes which are not palatable to me. I do believe they cause more harm than good for the larger portion of their followers.

I understand people are different and have different needs. Many people do get some of these needs met by associating themselves within a religious community. I believe most are sincere that their efforts within their respective religious communities are well intended. However, not only I have I witnessed first hand the terrible abuses of religious communities, I can also read about the very same things within religious texts. Various religions advocate crimes against other people, animals and the destruction of property in the name of some god. I can not believe such a god exists. If one does, it is like the yin/yang, two sides of a coin, or the absolute paradox...this god is not only the epitome of all that is good, but it is also the epitome of all that is evil. This god is a mixture of the two. Also, this god is not male or female, but intersexed, if it is sexed at all. (See the movie "An Angry Inch) This god is not a single race or color but is vari-colored, possibly similar to a chameleon.

In addition, I keep many religious texts in my home for personal reference. To date, I am unable to find any writing which supports or disproves the existence of a god. All that I have found are myths, stories made up by people who do not understand the world/universe they live in.

It is comforting to have an all-powerful being to turn to in times of need, to look to for guidance, but I have found much more to get me through life by looking to the world I live in. watching animals relate to one another, learning from other people's real life experiences, not something they read in a book and cling to like a lucky talisman or something. I don't believe in the boogieman or ghosts, but I do believe in forces which I can not sense or control. If these forces are a god, I lack the means to identify them as such. I am but a very minuscule part of something far greater than I have the capacity to imagine. Something so great I am unable to put a name to it. I am not separate from this greatness, I am a necessary, working part of it, as I believe all things to be, whether organic or not.

Though I do not believe in a god as many people do, I do believe we all are part of a larger entity. When we harm one another, we harm ourselves and this larger entity which we are part of. When we harm one another, I believe we are like a cancer to a body; eating away and destroying the healthy tissues. We can not remain separated, acting towards separate goals if we are to survive. We are cells at war with one another and all that sustains our very lives. We destroy wild animals and natural habitats, the land, water and air which we need to survive. If there exists any evil on this earth, it is humankind that is evil and should be purged from existence. Thus, it is this god which is evil and must be destroyed. Our technology has evolved, but our hearts and spirits have not. We are liars behind our smiles and kind words and gestures. There is murder, hatred and pure evil at the core of every human being, no matter how hard we fight it. The more we try to be civilized, the less civilized we are capable of being. We are nothing more than any other animal that needs food, water and shelter. Animal's behavior is predictable. They hunt and kill for food. Humans are the only animal that tortures and torments other life for the sheer pleasure of it. For the power they feel, for money or other valued items. I loathe humanity and any god that might have created it, for this god is no better than the lowly humans it created.

Yes, I am made in the image of that god, and it is made in my image. We are one and the same. This is my reality.

So this is my first post and may not be as well articulated as some. However, I am still a little confused with some statements. Clearly you want to make sure that neither you nor any of your family are perceived as polyamorous. Yet your tone is that you are exploring this site as a member of your family. That family mindset seems very similar to the mindset of the "poly" community where relationships are among committed people.

Admittedly, most poly relationships seem to involve sex and I think you are trying to make it extremely clear that is not the case in your family. The exception being your husband because it is just as clear he is polyamorous in the complete sense because he is having sex with all of the wives. Or at least I assume he is, but maybe he is not and only has sex with the one "legal" wife.

I may be wrong, and this is not meant to be a judgement, but you appear to value rules above all else. Not rules established by someone else but rules that flow from your internal values. I would guess that you view external rules more as restrictions to your freedom rather than a community standard. Of course the danger of community standards is that we are individuals in our personal lives and to comply with community standards we must give up and even betray who we are. Never a good thing. However, without community standards we cease to be a community, a country, etc. The trick in life is how to tolerate deviations from the standards with losing the community.

When you posted your first post you had a very clear vision of your community standards of an appropriate welcome. But none else did. Likewise, the existing members of this community also have a clear vision of how this community operates. They responded from their perspective. The problem was that neither understood the other. Misunderstandings must be clarified or relationships don't work. Isn't that really a fundamental premise of making a polyamorous relationship work?

What we have is an opportunity learn about how to make relationships work. This is what I seem to be learning polyamory is all about. Could you have reacted differently from the way you did? Yes! Could the others have reacted differently to your response than they did? Yes again. And if and when we stop to think about how we could have reacted differently, we will learn more about ourselves than about anything else.

It is a hard hard lesson to learn but Steven Covey is right on when he says;

I find your questions quite disturbing and an invasion of privacy, especially from a total stranger, one who has not taken the time to introduce himself or taken the time to get to know me. Shame on you!

Not shame on me. I wasn't rude to you. There is no need to be rude to me. I am not one of your children.

If you're not bisexual then just say so. You don't have to be paranoid and make a big deal about it.