Oligarch Betsy DeVos, Secretary of Education Dismantlement, visited Lincoln, Nebraska last week to survey how the community is caring for its young riffraff. Unable to find a suitable workhouse where the urchins could be put to a profitable task such as picking oakum or pasting labels on Amway bottles, she was forced to dismount from her carriage at one of the city’s public schools, this one with a focus on something called “science,” which Mme DeVos knows must be trampled out if we are to properly train young workers to serve God and Koch.

The Betsy Riot, feeling rather contrary to Mme DeVos’s designs to fuck up the bedrock of a healthy democracy and also not particularly caring for her awful positions on LGBTQIA youth, special needs kids, and sexual assault, stood in the blistering heat to protest the oligarch’s presence, which they suspect was timed to coincide with their oligarch governor’s efforts to establish charter schools in the state. The Betsies were joined by hundreds of other Lincoln residents who value their children and their fine schools more than kleptocracy, one of whom stopped to get a photo (shared here) with the Betsies.

These California Betsies live in California’s 50th congressional district, an otherwise lovely place marred by shitstreak Congressman Duncan Hunter and the white nationalist assholes who voted him in. Hunter hates young immigrants who are productive members of society about as much as he hates people being able to go to the doctor. At the same time, Hunter is a big fan of the NRA and, according to the Office of Congressional Ethics, may enjoy dipping into his campaign donations to buy his family jewelry, groceries, and medical bills… you know, because who needs affordable healthcare when you have a campaign pot to dip into? So California Betsies visited Hunter’s office and called him out for the polyped rectum that he is.

While the alt-right vulture politicians of Nebraska suited up for their weekly display of faux-godliness, OMAHA Betsy said “Let there be banners” and there were banners. And Omahans saw the banners, and saw that they were good.
~ Betsy 09:03

TL;DR: The Cheeto-hued One and his minions are fascist pieces of shit.

Betsy got a heads up that the “Iowa Libertarian Party” planned a playdate! They are SO MAD YOU GUYS about socialists, and socialism, and VENEZUELA and roads and shit.

Iowa Betsy informs us that the LP dudes assembled at Scooter’s mom’s house for their Libertarian Exceptionalism Book Club meeting (week 45, “Atlas Shrugged”, AGAIN). Then that scrappy band of Izod wearing original thinkers who are impossible to pigeonhole because they are so unique and individualistic when they parrot right wing narcissism masquerading as ideology grabbed their Doritos and Gadsdens, piled into Biff’s Prius, and drove (ON PUBLIC ROADS!!!! THAT. ARE. NOT. PRIVATE.) over to the chosen venue at the appointed hour.

The venue? A park.
A park named “City Park”
In the city of Iowa City.
Give that a minute.

Unbeknownst to the khaki trousered LPers, Betsy had done a recce and prepared her patented Welcome Wagon for them.

McLean County, IL: Unrepentant Trumphuming fascist pieces of shit Nick Adams (Conservative t̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ turnip head) and Chuck Erickson (McLean County GOP) tried to have a peaceful (SO PEACEFUL) weekend of Town & Country Trumphumping, with various events taking place at Illinois State University and a picnic at GOP Board Member George Wendt’s farm – a/k/a CHODESTOCK 2017.

Well, Betsy hates fascists but fucking loves a picnic, so she decided to attend — waving her First Amendment in their doughy white faces. Here are some of the greetings Betsy prepared for them:

Betsy packed her bag, making sure to include plenty of venom and veracity, and set out for a visit to Janesville, WI where Cuck of the House Paul Ryan lives in a home that is both beautiful and completely out of reach for the hardworking Americans that Speaker Ryan and his party pretend to care about. Betsy checked her social calendar and discovered that she wasn’t invited over to sip mint juleps on the porch with the Ryans. In staunch adherence to her Bettiquette, she did not disturb nor approach their impressive and enviable brick manse but Betsy can’t help but to assume it is equipped with some kind of sophisticated C.N.R.F. (Constituent Noise Reduction Features) because how else would the Speaker of the House be able to deafen his ears to the righteously angry Americans that he and his party are screwing over?

While Betsy was visiting Janesville, she was informed that Paul Ryan was to hold a Town Hall at the Racine Theatre Guild in Racine, WI. Not wanting to miss out on this now-rare-for-Ryan event, Betsy headed that way to see the first Town Hall the congressman had held in over 630 days. Yes, that’s right, the leader of the House of Representatives had not held a forum in his district to listen to the concerns of the people since October 2015. Why? Because he was scared of protesters coming and of those who would come and ask him difficult questions, or, in truth-terms, he was scared of doing his job and having to explain why he continually sells the American Dream to his biggest donors and to explain why his tax “reform” plan includes more massive tax breaks for the wealthiest Americans and large corporations (the 1%) and provides these back-scratches at the peril of the rest of us 99 percenters.

While the spineless puppet, on strings from his billionaire bankrollers, answered scripted questions and pretended that his tepid statement post-Charlottesville denouncing white supremacy cancels out his sycophantic, complicit Trumphumping, Betsy was outside with her fellow patriots in the #Resistance, but overall the “Town Hall,” with more law enforcement officers** and security detail present than protesters, had a feel about as welcoming as a gated community during a lockdown.

**Betsy was astonished at how many “Back the Badge” signs she saw on her Wisconsin travels. Seemingly the new Wisconsin state flower, there was one in nearly every-other-yard and Betsy grew tired of seeing support *only* for LEOs as if actual minority groups aren’t being discriminated against, marginalized, profiled, and shot every day in America. Of course, Betsy had to make her own version, which she must admit she likes ever-so-much better!

Betsy Riot began with a simple message: FUCK THE NRA and its gunhumping knob-slurping minions. When the NRA and Russia installed President Tiny Hands von Pussy Grabber into office, we expanded our messaging to: FUCK FASCISM, because fascism is the tie that binds.

Which is why we were dismayed recently to learn that Everytown for Gun Safety (ET), the largest so-called “gun violence prevention” organization in America, has chosen a very different message: FASCISM, RACISM, POLICE BRUTALITY, GUNLICKING AND TRUMP ARE FUCKING AWESOME!

Everytown, it turns out, is demonstrating its courage and commitment to ending gun violence in America by co-funding and co-sponsoring the annual circle jerk of police brutality celebrants who comically call themselves the Fraternal Order of Police (FOP)! Everytown is lending their name to the event alongside the NRA, Beretta, and other killing-related tacticalwhateverthefuckwhogivesashit businesses–because the best way to fight gun violence is to give your money to fascists, roll over to show them your vulnerable crotch and hope they like you.

Betsy Riot says: FUCK THAT SHIT.

Our rage at the murder lobbyists now must become a big tent rage that includes Everytown and any other so-called “gun violence prevention group” that has made deliberate, calculated concessions to the NRA and its brown-shirted enablers at the state and federal levels, concessions most often paid for with the lives and bodies of black and brown youth in this country.

Let’s review:

–The FOP endorsed Donald Trump.

–The FOP defended Trump when he gave police a green light to stomp their jackboots all over due process and rough up arrestees.

–A scheduled speaker at this year’s FOPfest is none other than Betty Jo Shelby, the murderous cop who was recently acquitted for the killing of an unarmed black man, Terence Crutcher.

It is unconscionable that a so-called gun violence prevention organization is handing money (whose money? Yours?) alongside the NRA to sponsor an unapologetic fascism fan club. Crushing your moral compass and holding hands with the murderers of unarmed inner city children is no way to end gun violence in this country.

If you care about gun violence, we call on you to stop wasting your dollars by supporting fascism by proxy. Fuck the cowards of Everytown and donate instead to Black Lives Matter or a worthy social justice program of your choice.

And as always, send your mantears and/or momtears to betsyriot@gmail.com

From the Iowa & Illinois Betsy Riot: The Trump administration has asked the Klansman-endorsed head of the Department of Justice to sue universities whose affirmative action admission policies result in “intentional race-based discrimination” against white people. Yes, the fucking Department of Justice is deploying its **Civil Rights Division** to undo vital racial justice work at American colleges and universities, and were directed to do so by a steaming pile of incestuous nepotistic legacy admits. According to the DoJ memo, shitty lickspittle employees are to indicate their interest in working this assignment by today, August 9.

So Betsies at the University of Iowa and Northwestern University installed these giant bottles of White-Out to mark the new Trump administration approach to higher ed.

America’s murder lobby a/k/a the NRA has a new video, in which Death Barbie Dana says that the NRA–we shit thee not– is “coming for” the New York Times. (No links to that shit from here. Google it and turn your volume up to 11 to hear it over the mobs of fapping Duck Dynasty extras that comprise her fan base.) It seems that Wayne LaPierre and crew are not at all happy that the New York Times is hurting the fragile fee-fees of the President they wasted $30million to get elected.

In these polarizing times, we at Betsy Central are angry about fake news, too. So let’s get right to it–for too long the media has sanitized the facts about Wayne LaPierre and his historic success at building the American murder industry. That’s why, when Mr. LaPierre let his domain registration lapse, the Betsy Riot acquired www.waynelapierre.com to right the record. Please check it out and be sure to admire the portfolio of his work.

Do you remember Ted Nugent? He is a has-been “musician” turned NRA board member who has tried to maintain his fame by stoking gunlicking, white nationalist cocksplats into a war against liberals and people of color. He himself avoided actual war by literally shitting his pants to get out of it, then rose to musical s̶t̶a̶r̶d̶o̶m̶ half-chub through such hits as “Jailbait,” about his interest in raping a 13-year-old girl. This peach was recently invited to the White House, where he left a trail of Slim Jim grease and pre-ejaculate all over the golden drapery of the Oval Office.

Well, Ron Onesti, owner of Arcada Theater in St. Charles outside of Chicago, decided to invite this misogynist white supremacist living shart to give a concert there tonight, but was sufficiently aware that Spugent would be received poorly by the city that he didn’t even hang up a single poster to advertise. Imagine Illinois Betsy’s surprise when she strolled by this morning to discover a large handmade CANCELED banner hung on the theater, a rather surprising letter from the Spuge himself on the theater window, an apology taped on the door of nearby businesses, and even a sign decrying the fucker in the front lawn of the theater owner.