Archive for December, 2014

Yesterday, police were called to a scene on Bizarreville Boulevard where a crowd of angry geriatrics were protesting police discrimination against old people. Some of the geezers were throwing rocks at windows, but the hurls were so weak that the rocks just meekly bounced off the glass without damage.

Protesters griped that they were constantly being harassed by cops just because of age. One 90-year old said he was pulled over just because he was driving the wrong way down a 1-way street. When he could not remember where he had put his drivers license or registration, he was instructed to get out of the car, then was threatened with having to go to the police station.

Others in the crowd agreed that they had been similarly harassed for piddly things like driving through a stop sign, ramming into a mailbox, or crossing over double yellow lines on high-speed highways.

“It’s profiling, plain and simple,” grunted one codger. “Profiling. And profiling is illegal. And not only that, profiling is illegal. Prorating…I mean, profaning…that is…hmmm, what was I talking about?”

One poor chap retold a story when he inadvertently wet his pants, and some of the fluid dripped onto a sidewalk. A cop eating a damn doughnut nearby asked him to go over and stand in the grass until the dripping stopped, so that the sidewalk wouldn’t turn yellow. Then he went back to eating his doughnut. The old man was humiliated and outraged, and drew the ire of the rest of the protesters, many of whom had similar wetness stories that, up to now, they were reluctant to share.

Another said a cop gave him a hard time when he forgot to put on his pants before going on his morning walk along Main Street. “I had my skivvies on. There was nothing showing. And yet, here was this cop deciding to pick on me for no good reason.”

One angry old man said he had gotten manhandled by a police officer just because he had mistakenly forgotten to pay his food tab at The Diner 3 or 4 times. The cop forced him to go into the kitchen, and told him he was going to have to wash dishes…but backed-off when the old man pulled a C-note out of his wallet. The cop refused to take it, but the old guy said it wasn’t for him…it was to pay the damn tab. “See, there you go. Another cop on the take.” All the protestors nodded in agreement.

The rally broke up at 4:30, when they all said they had to leave and catch the Early Bird specials at their respective favorite eateries. They said they would be back marching tomorrow, if nothing good was playing on TV.

Disclaimer: all stories in Bizarreville are fiction, but I’m guessing you already figured that out.

Be on the lookout: The much awaited, much anticipated new book is soon to arrive: The Obamanation, by Robert Thomas. It is a futurescape novel that imagines what the country might be like after you-know-who’s successor takes office, featuring the same crazy satire and irreverent humor you would expect. Should be listed on Amazon within the next day or two…still in time for a last minute stocking stuffer.