Living with my hands full

My New Life

Today I brushed my teeth while unloading the dishwasher. My Christmas decorations are still sitting in the middle of my garage and I haven’t showered in two days. It’s 12:45 pm. This is my life. The twins have arrived.

As usual, I’ve had a thousand blog posts swirling in my head for the past four months, but finding the time and the presence of mind to write them down is like trying to keep the living room rug uncluttered with toys. Impossible.

At the precise moment when I was brushing my teeth, stacking cereal bowls in the cabinet and scolding my son for drawing on a piece of furniture, my two precious girls were sleeping. Thank God. That’s something not a lot of us are getting these days.

There are many times when they aren’t sleeping, and many times when I have five crazy kids running around my house. Okay, three kids running and two babies just lying there. But it’s STILL crazy. It seems like each child is progressively louder which is basically like saying my two year old sounds like a leaf blower. Our house is LOUD. And getting babies to nap in it is sorta like…well, keeping the living room rug free of toys.

Tonight, as I sit here, is the first night in four months where I am actually sitting in a comfy chair with a blanket on my legs and a computer on my lap in a quiet house at 8:00 at night. The evenings, my friends, have been my enemies. And tonight, TONIGHT, the girls fell asleep on their own! Okay, they still cried some, but we DID NOT have to go in there! (Excuse the overuse of ALL CAPS, but some things cannot be emphasized enough!!)

So what has happened in these past four months? Oh man, so much. But how do I sum it all up? I can’t possibly go back and remember every emotional meltdown, every time I fell to my knees and begged God for mercy, or every amazing person who brought us a meal and some sanity, every little illness we’ve weathered, or obstacle overcome. I don’t have the memory or the time. And you probably wouldn’t care to hear all the details anyway.

But if I were to tell you a few things about these past four months and how I’ve handled them, I will be honest and tell you that it has been hard. Hard like nothing I have ever experienced before. Once a week I would shuffle into the kitchen in yoga pants and say through tears, “I can’t do this anymore.” And once a week I would be on my knees praying, pleading for mercy! At one point, I truly thought these girls might be the death of me. That I seriously might not survive this. I felt that I would never sleep again, and if I never slept again, I would get so sick that I would not be able to recover and then… I would die. It was that simple.

The day after my doomsday prediction, I found out I had mastitis, which I think, helps to explain my bleak outlook. I was indeed sick, but I did not indeed die. Antibiotics and sleep are amazing things.

And then there’s God.

He is so so good. He is faithful, just like the Bible says He is. He doesn’t lie. Did you know that? He has answered so many of the prayers I prayed on those dark nights as I knelt on the nursery floor. He sent little angels in the forms of neighbors and friends to remind me of His great love and care for me. He sees all my troubles. He doesn’t forget or ignore them. He knows every single thing I go through every single day. And He cares about it! Isn’t that amazing? He knows the piddly stuff, the significant-only-to-me stuff and He cares enough about it to do something about it. He has truly gotten me through. His Word, and His people have encouraged me and kept me going. I am beyond grateful!

So here I am. Still alive and blogging. Amazingly enough.

I don’t expect it to be a cakewalk from here on out. But, we are getting there friends. We are making progress. They are growing, and getting to be fun and interactive. They laugh and smile and are super duper cute. And one day too soon they’ll be sitting in a high chair feeding themselves cheese and I’ll wonder how we got there. I just hope I still won’t be brushing my teeth while I unload the dishwasher, but I could very well be. There’s a good chance the Christmas decorations will be still be there also. I beginning to accept it. 🙂

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3 thoughts on “My New Life”

Dear Brooke,
God has soooo gifted you with the amazing ability to write! 💖 I prayed Psalms 46 for you today. God IS our refuge a VERY PRESENT help in “being a Mom “.
When I read your blog I think of Elisabeth Elliot. Without the unbelievable circumstances she wouldn’t have had anything to say to us. Thank you for sharing honestly IN your trials with other young Mom’s. Keep blogging these young stay at home and working Mom’s need to hear about how to go to God. Psalms 46:10-11 Cease striving and know that I am God; ….The Lord of hosts is with us…” You are testifying that this is true.
Love you!

Thank you so much Brenda for your prayers and encouragement! Yes, God is alive and working in me. And I can see too, how He is using all of this in my life to shape me and use me. It is good. Love and miss you! 🙂

Brooke, we love you and yours. Know we pray for our family daily. Our GOD is an awesome GOD! I can relate as to how HE brings you through it. HE tests us all. I sometimes, no lots of times, flunk the test. However HE still comes to and for me. Peace be with you. YFG