Sorry i just really need to get a few things off my chest.My family and I have a really rocky relationship as some of you may know. I blame my mother for a few things one is something that happened a few years ago , and the other is my brothers suicide attempts. These are two things that i really really cannot forgive her for.I cannot sleep so i am writing this at 1 25 in the morning , and in all truth the real reason that i am writing this is that i am petrified that the saying that daughters become there mothers is going to haunt me once my twins are born. It is in all honesty my biggest fear.What if i do turn into them (my parents)? I really can't stand to think that my children resent me as much as i resent my mother (not so much my father). I just am truely petrified.Stephie x

It is in your power to control this behavior. You might not think it is, but it is. You might slip up and find yourself treating the twins the way you were treated, but it's easy to catch if you know there's an issue. If you're completely clueless as your mom sounds, then there is no issue and nothing to correct, everything's fine and dandy. But since you have lived with her and realize there are issues, you will correct them as soon as possible. You know what it feels like to grow up with hate, and you don't want that for your kids, that's obvious. You have the power to treat them with the love they deserve, and break the cycle of hate.

My dad's dad was an abusing drunk who tried to shoot his wife, and kick my father out of the house when he was 9. My father is one of the most loving, amazing, honourable people I know, and it's an honour to have had him as my father (see see, I've come such a long way guys). Similarly, my father's mother is a submissive idiot, so he went the completely opposite way of both of them.

Quote: It is in your power to control this behavior.i agreeI wouldn't mind being like my mom... i'm alot like her in ways anywys. i have my dad's temper, i know it and i hate it. tho our tempers are diffrent. he yells and i hold it in and punch walls , trees, anything non-living, exept i sometime turn on myself. it's somthing i know i got to work on and change. i'm not going to be a jackass yelling hot-head like him.

I believe your topic is true mate totally, I infact have ended up much like my father, so has my brother, my best mate is also like his dad... maybe it's something to do with growing up, just like infant animals follow their parents in the wild.. who knows?!I have some rather boring post on the "relationship" forum about my ex gf, and she turned into her mother totally, probably why we split... so I think so yeah...But now you've read that thinking "aargh" my own mum isn't anything like her mum, because of meeting my dad.... so, with the right circumstances.. not so true

Like Java said. I agree completely.My mom's mother (from Cuba) was unloving, beat my mom so badly she still has the scars, a drunk, and a druggie. And I still don't know if the sleeping around is true. My mom's dad was the exact opposite.My mom is a strong, independent woman who although she endured abuse from her mother and her first husband and was mistreated racially, mentally, physically, and socially has come out on top raising her kids with love and discipline. She used to beat me but not with the anger and hatred her mom had for her or how my dad beat and abused my sister. But in a way of learning from my mistakes and disciplining me. I HOPE I can become like my mom. I've never met a stronger woman in my life. Her scars remind me everyday.

If there are things we especially hate about the way we were brought up, it's more likely that we'll take such care to avoid them that we'll be in danger of going too far the other way. At least that has been my experience with my children.