I didn't read every post here, don't have time. I attend 3 meetings a week. In 2 of my meetings cursing is NOT allowed. Period. They will put you out. Simply talk to the facilatator of the meeting and ask that it be banned. But if it is allowed, then there is nothing you can do about it and he has a right curse.

When I got clean and sober, worked the steps and started trying to "practice the principles in all my affairs", I began to realize that my vulgarity offended some and that in itself goes against the principle of loving others......of course many who are early in recovery (some old timers too), still have much self-centerdness and don't really care about others too much...still all about them.

I can see both sides. It's unnecessary and people should find a more intelligent way of vocalizing their point of view in unfamiliar company. On the other hand, I really can't understand why someone could be offended at a swear word. Maybe they swore a lot when they were drunk and don't like being reminded of what they were like? Maybe other reasons.

This came up at a meeting the other day as well. Some people did not grow up with an education, so when they were growing up they used a lot of profanity. Others grew up with a very high education and use more complicated words. Tradition 3 is what comes to mind when people whine and complain about language used in a meeting.

I was at a speaker meeting last week and the kid at the podium had about 9 months in. He used a couple of four-letter words, but I let it slide - until he dropped the F-bomb - and then referred to himself as a p*ssy. I found him very offensive. Standing at the front of the room, as a recovering alcoholic, he sure didn't sell me on what he had going on.

The key word is "still recovering"

Look just because we go to meetings, spout off a few good words means nothing. We aren't all healthy people, we are sick people trying to get better. So instead of looking at the other guy when they swear, look at yourself. Why are you offended. People grow up differently, its not a one-size-fits-all, heck I know people that say the F word every second word, they are outstanding citizens of society outside of the meeting room, they give you the shirt off their back in an instant, help you in a heart beat, you call them at 3am on a weekday and they are there to help you. And when you see them in a meeting, they arent sharing how great they are because they woke up at 3am from a call on a weekday to give the shirt off their back and help someone out.

Why you taking his inventory, best look at yourself with all your JUDGEMENTS!
Look some people use vulagarity like a pre-teen uses "cool" or "like" or "rad" its just something that comes out. I personally got no issues with it and dont see why anyone else would either.

Why you taking his inventory, best look at yourself with all your JUDGEMENTS!
Look some people use vulagarity like a pre-teen uses "cool" or "like" or "rad" its just something that comes out. I personally got no issues with it and dont see why anyone else would either.

The question was is it alright to use vulgarity if someone is offended....do we have the right to hurt someone with our choice of words, or would it be best to work at getting along with others the way the big books says.

He knows he is using vulgarity. He is an educated man and very intellectual. He does it on purpose. I have noticed over the past 10 years (my opinion again) that he is still spiritually sick, and struggles with those of us who go to church. I am no stranger to using vulgarity, but I try and realize when not to use it. Actually when I got sober in 1998, my mouth was one of the first parts of my body to get some cleaning (house cleaning)

thanks for sharing..........toad

I have a friend like this. He uses it, I think, to get attention. He's probably just looking to start a confrontation and thinks he's being controversial or whatever. It irritates people and I think it's rude. But he would say he has a right to swear and the right to free speech, which he can then use as a jumping off point to start a heated argument. He too is educated and knows he's doing it. I agree with the free speech part, but you don't have to use it to offend for no good reason - that in my opinion makes someone look ignorant.

__________________
The Moving Finger writes; and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line,
Nor all thy Tears wash out a Word of it.

First off, No...I do not cuss if I know it will be offensive to someone in a meeting...unless
It is what I need to say at the time for me. there have been rough days sober. the death of a child, father, friend, is rough and yes at times I may cuss. At times it is well within my right to put me first and scream, yell, cry and cuss if that's what I need to do. God gave me the ability to do all of them and I will if/when it is appropriate for me to do so. In short, sometimes meeting my needs is more important at the time.

I however, do not set out to offed anyone and if there are small children or older people close by I may refrain from certain words because I don't what to intentionally offend.

That being said --- I lived on the streets for a time before I got sober. I was prone to hearing and saying any and everything as far as language. I don't get easily offended and when I got here I was terrified I would not fit in. At my first meeting an old timer said GD this and GD that and MF this and MF that, all through his sharing. I was so relieved that I didn't have to pretend to be someone I wasn't and could just share openly and cuss if I needed. I was sooo afraid I had to act like I had God, before I got God. His sharing took a weight off my shoulders, if he could share that way, I guess it was okay for me to share and be me..whew.

A few nights latter in a meeting another member dropped the F bomb and an older lady said I wish you'd refrain from that language. A guy from across the room said "sally, I remember 12 years ago when you were selling yourself for a bottle of hooch, what made you pure as snow this last few years. she turned bright red and kept quiet the rest of the meeting. I don't think him putting it out there like that was probably the best thing to do....but everyone got his point.

I needed to hear the cussing when I first got here, perhaps others do too...who knows. I am much more offended my many many others things I witness in and out of meetings, this one doesn't really register to high on my scale these days.

Are you going to pre screen all your comments in advance and check with everyone in the meeting to see what might offend someone?

Some people are offended by cursing, others overtly religious comments. I've heard of people who are offended at the mention of kids because they can have none, some object to different ethnic phrases, all sorts of potential insults. Are we to self censor ourselves to a point where we tiptoe around the point? Shall we be afraid of anything we might say, dare it might offend someone?

No. The onus is in the listener to choose to be offended or not. If it offends their delicate sensibilities, it is for them to figure out why.

And what other people think of me is none of my business.

This road you are on, getting offended by what someone else said on behalf of another party who may or may not be truly offended, is really you trying to run other peoples programs, IMHO.

__________________
"Know thy self, know thy enemy.

A thousand battles,

a thousand victories." -Sun Tzu

The Following User Says Thank You to DoubleBarrel For This Useful Post:

we had a mini bomb go off in my old home group, caused by a lady who is aged and a very sly cunning long term sober member who doesn't like swearing and likes to control

she joined our group and within a couple of weeks there turned up notices laid around the table in the meeting saying the words
the absence of swearing never offends

when it was my turn to share in the meeting i spoke and came out with all the swear words known to man saying what the f is that sign all about ? ( just to highlight what happens when you try to tell an alcohilc what to do and what reaction you will get )

she was determined in my mind to get rid of the members who came from the darker streets in aa and turn the meeting into a play ground for the more well off in aa

there are meetings in my area were there all well off middle class never lost a thing and well educated types and then there are the more hard core poorer types of drunk meetings were the posh drunks would never go to those meetings as they dont like swearing

belive me if these guys or girls ever ended up going to prison or lost it all and ended up on the streets they certainly wouldnt get much respect out there
and yet these same people expect people who have come into aa from all sorts of dark backgrounds to behave like them

now i dont swear as a rule as i have worked the steps and live them in my life but if someone trys to control meetings by trying to out law its use and not take into account the person or what on earth is going on in there life , they could be full of pain like i was when i first came in and swearing for me then was the only way i could get rid of some of my anger
thankfully i had memebers around me who looked past that and looked at me as a suffering drunk and they gave me the help i needed they didnt stick there nose in the air and get offended by my swearing like many do because its still all about them

another example was when i was in pain over the death of my 16 year old son and funny enough a passage was read out from the big book that has just been posted in this thread
and the words
absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake, were read out

i turned the air blue with my volley of swear words as i was sitting there thinking how can a god let a 16 year old suffer like my son did and die like he did and then to see people expecting me to be happy joyus and free thank you god for such a wonderful experience rubbish

so there are times in meetings when no other words can be used other than to shout f off at the world when a person is suffering
you might not like it but at least if you are a god believer try and behave like someone who has at least a good heart that can look past it all and see the person rather than what you want them to be so you can except them.