Omarosa Manigault Writes a Book

August 14, 2018

I love being on The Apprentice with Donald Trump. We have great chemistry. My beauty and charm energize him and he helps me become rich and famous on TV and later hires me to attract blacks during the presidential campaign and then as Director of African American Outreach in the White House. I’ve got so many good ideas. I can’t keep them to myself all day. I’ve got to share with President Trump.

I’m not going to let all these White House gofers slow me down. They know I’ve already blown by them. I’m the highest ranking black aide on the premises. They’re jealous I’m so good praising the president in public. He’s strong and brilliant and helping all workers especially blacks. I’m not loud and controversial except to those I make invisible like John Kelly, White House chief of staff who ignores me for a year before he finally summons me to talk in a secure room. He brings three other men. Why the precautions? I know this is serious and resolve to electronically protect myself against a dreary man my sources reveal has called me a “loser and nothing but problems.” That’s what envious people said when I worked for Al Gore in the nineties. They lied then and they’re lying now.

“We can discuss that some other time. I’m in charge of all personnel at the White House, not the president.”

“Are you terminating me?”

“A friendly departure will enable you to land without much damage to your reputation.”

“I’d like to talk to President Trump.”

“These gentlemen will escort you off the premises,” says Kelly.

“I have many personal effects to gather in my office.”

“This isn’t the time for that. Good afternoon.”

Frankly, I’m a lot more athletic and about twenty years younger than John Kelly and pretty sure I can kick his ass. That’s why he brought in his henchmen. In a few hours President Trump calls and says, “Omarosa, what’s this? What’s going on? I had no idea.”

I wake angrily the next morning, knowing Trump told Kelly to fire me. He’s always been a liar. He’s publicly lied thousands of times since he’s been president and he lied just as much on The Apprentice and used a lot of racially offensive language. This time, he’s disrespected the wrong lady. I’m smart and I’m a writer soon at work on Unhinged, a revelation of what’s really happening inside the White House. I guarantee Donald Trump is mentally waning and paranoid as hell and takes extreme measures to keep ex-employees quiet. That won’t work with me. My book’s already a best seller, even before it’s officially published, and I’m being interviewed all over television and promise my work is accurate and backed up by plenty of tapes.

You know the obsessive tweeter is already attacking me. Now I’m “Wacky Omarosa… Not smart.”

It’s sad, really. Here’s the president of the United States, who should be busy, taking the time to insult me. This is his pattern with everyone, especially African Americans. I knew he degraded people but, once Unhinged was already in production, I heard a tape of Donald Trump using the n-word. I wish I’d known before press time. Someone’s going to make plenty. That doesn’t bother me. My book’s already number two on Amazon en route to number one.