On TLC:
“More like the lying channel,” Glassman said when reminded that TLC stood for The Learning Channel. TLC didn’t allow [Jon and Kate Gosselin] to come out and say their marriage was done a year ago,” she said. But “no network owns what I can and cannot say.”

On her relationship with Jon:
“We both enjoy just simple things in life,” she said, citing their mutual love of snowboarding, watching movies, playing pool and other “normal” activities.

On Kate Major:
“Cuckoo, cuckoo.”

On Stephanie Santoro:
“Jon has a good heart, she has a child and he felt bad. He knows how it feels to have a child and not be able to afford, you know, so he hired her to give her a job.”

On not wanting to be famous:
“If I wanted fame, don’t you think I would be out all the time? I stay in my house. I’ve been staying home with my parents because I feel safe there.”

And Hailey’s telling the truth; she doesn’t want fame. She just wants a Porsche in return for banging an obese reality star who’s essentially running a televised sweatshop with his ex-wife. What’s more pure and innocent than that?