first come love and COMMUICATION . ( can't tell you how many . are so quiet . I can hear the rain drops on the window . and I am the only one talking . ) after we spend time with each other getting to know what one likes and don't . then , sex enters into this .

I don't think I do quite get where you're coming from. I do, for the most part, understand, though (atleast I think I do).

It is what ultimately finalizes the bond and makes it a complete relationship between a man and a woman

This to me removes all the romance from sex. I don't think I would want to have sex if I felt this way. It seems here to be more of a ritualized undertaking than something that could make me feel like . It's interesting, I think I feel the same way about marriage. The pomp and circumstance, the ceremony, removes a good deal of the potential beauty. I also don't think that would want a relationship to be complete. That sounds so final to me. I guess I'm kind of nitpicking here, but it's for the purpose of understanding which I doubt will harm any nits.

I also think you are only considering extremes. It is only an expression of something profound, or it considers to the woman to be something akin to an old sock (or equates the man to vibrator). Is there no potential middle ground?

Also, to minky I would say, you're right, there is no comparison. Each have their own merits, and neither should be taken to be the same animal. (though for the record, I don't like toppings on my ice cream, but different strokes for different folks and all)

Jan 31, 2008 @ 8:12 PM

Am I the only one left in the world who doesn't view sex as...

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 511

This to me removes all the romance from sex. I don't think I would want to have sex if I felt this way.

Expressing your love through sexual intercourse removes all the romance from sex? It is THE ultimate act of love between a man and a woman; it is what makes it a union, rather than just a platonic friendship.

****

It seems here to be more of a ritualized undertaking than something that could make me feel like

Umm..what, exactly, seems to be more of a "ritualized undertaking?"

It's interesting, I think I feel the same way about marriage. The pomp and circumstance, the ceremony, removes a good deal of the potential beauty.

I think, much like funerals, it's a waste of money that could be spent on the honeymoon or a downpayment on a house or something. As for funerals, I sure don't want someone spending $10k or more for my casket, etc. Bull! I'd rather they spend it for a party, a celebration of my life.

I also don't think that would want a relationship to be complete. That sounds so final to me. I guess I'm kind of nitpicking here, but it's for the purpose of understanding which I doubt will harm any nits.

You're making ASSumptions is what you're doing. I would want a relationship to be complete, but not compleTED.

I also think you are only considering extremes. It is only an expression of something profound, or it considers to the woman to be something akin to an old sock (or equates the man to vibrator). Is there no potential middle ground?

Neither. I think that indiscriminately going around sticking your genitals into someone else's genitals (or allowing someone to as the case may be) doesn't show much respect for yourself, if not for the person you're doing it with, that's all.

If I have sex with a man, it doesn't mean I am in love with him, nor does it mean I have to be. It means that it IS a profound experience, it is a bonding experience...and when I say that, I don't mean falling in love, emotional type of stuff...although that certainly can happen...but I mean..just the experience, for its own sake, is a very profound one.

I think this way because I have never, and will never, be able to consider a man as someone to *use* in order to help me have an orgasm. There are so many components to the sexual experience that I feel sorry for anyone who experiences it from a "Well, [U]I'm getting mines" point of view, and thinks that that is all there is to it.

I think the mere act itself deserves a bit more "reverence," if you will, and treating it as though it's cheap, dirty, funny, nasty, shameful or that it's something that is supposed to be shared with everyone you come into contact with ...even if done in a "comical" way...really does it a huge disservice and distracts from the wonderfully bonding and exciting experience that it is. To me, there is nothing more satisfying than having one man... and one man only... to have a sexual relationship with. I've experienced both monogamous and nonmonogamous relationships and I can tell you, sharing myself with only one man (and vice versa) is a far, far, farrrrr more satisfying relationship--not only sexually, but in all aspects.

It does help clarify. For one, I now see what you mean by complete. At least I think I do. Also, I see that the part I'm having the hardest time with is the "bonding experience" part. What form of bond is being created (or strengthened)? It seems like you were saying its not an emotional bond, or are you saying it's a bond on a level beyond an emotional bond? (by virtue being a psychological/spritual one as well?) Wait, I get it... (I think) for you it creates the union. Which is greater than a friendship could ever be. Is this correct?

Expressing your love through sexual intercourse removes all the romance from sex? It is THE ultimate act of love between a man and a woman; it is what makes it a union, rather than just a platonic friendship

Yes, it adds a level of premeditation and a level of added implication ("I love you, so to show my love for you I have to sleep with you") that, dulls passion, and makes me doubt that even for the moment (a specific)somebody had an overwhelming, sexual reaction to me.

Jan 31, 2008 @ 10:23 PM

Am I the only one left in the world who doesn't view sex as...

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 511

Also, I see that the part I'm having the hardest time with is the "bonding experience" part. What form of bond is being created (or strengthened)? It seems like you were saying its not an emotional bond, or are you saying it's a bond on a level beyond an emotional bond? (by virtue being a psychological/spritual one as well?) Wait, I get it... (I think) for you it creates the union. Which is greater than a friendship could ever be. Is this correct?[/quote]You're reading entirely too much into this...lets try to stay on the same page, shall we? And stop going off on these wild analytical goosechases...

I never said anything about it being "greater than a friendship could ever be. I simply said the sex part of the relationship is what makes a complete union between a man and a woman, and what separates that type of relationship from any other type of relationship. I don't know how much more succinctly I can clarify that.

Yes, it adds a level of premeditation and a level of added implication ("I love you, so to show my love for you I have to sleep with you")

What??? Where on earth did you get that notion? No one's talking about obligation here! If I love a man, or care for him to the extent I want to have sexual intercourse with him, I'm THRILLED that it's me he wants to be with!!! Hell, I sure don't consider sex an "obligation," and if you do, I sure feel sorry for you. The day I ever view sex as an obligatory act is the day you're going to see the headlines saying, "Hell Has Frozen Over."

that, dulls passion, and makes me doubt that even for the moment (a specific)somebody had an overwhelming, sexual reaction to me.

Ok...let's get back in the same book at least...wtHell are you talking about? ...I'm not even going to speculate...would you mind running that by me again??

-lmao- wow...and here I thought we evolved from the bible into something better...guess I was wrong...

I don't see where having fun or enjoying another's "company" without the drama of emotional attachment is a bad thing...I, for one, LOVE IT...get what you need and get out and get on with your life....where's the problem? -lol- what if you like being by yourself and controlling your own life without having to constantly ask someone their opinion?

Relationships and marriage are over-rated....LONG LIVE THE SINGLE INDEPENDANT LIFE! -lmao-

Feb 1, 2008 @ 12:24 AM

Am I the only one left in the world who doesn't view sex as...

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 511

Where the hell do you see any mention of the Bible in this discussion, or of getting "attached?" I mentioned nothing about either subject whatsoever.

Either way, I'm entitled to my opinion and to live my life the way I see fit. Is that all right with you???

Feb 1, 2008 @ 12:38 AM

Am I the only one left in the world who doesn't view sex as...

lolthisistoofunny

Posts: 511

Oh and incidentally, what do you mean we've "evolved" from the Bible? I'm not a very religious person by any means, but do you truly think you and your opinions about how people should live their life are more valid and have more merit than the how God says we should live it?

And again...I am absolutely not a religious person, but since you made such a blasphemous and rude statement attacking the Christian religion, I feel not only compelled...but justified...to comment.

Just FYI...because you obviously don't know this...that antiquated "book of rules" is not there to keep us from having our little funzies...it's there to teach us lessons about how consequences of our actions are directly correlated to one another. It's not a book trying to show you how bad you are; those "fuddy duddy" rules are in place to keep people safe from harm.

Hey, if you want to screw every man whom you "cum" into contact with, by all means, have at it. But don't knock people who are totally happy being monagamous. I've been the promiscuous route before and it absolutely sucks. I made no mention of how you or anyone else should live their life, or who or how many people they should or shouldn't be screwing. I simply said what I believe and prefer is best for me.

You are welcome to voice your opinion on the subject, but don't cut down my religion, or my choices, in order to validate your choices or to justify them...or to appease a guilty conscience, perhaps?

***

As an aside, neither did I mention anything about being single. I've been single most of my life and I have absolutely no intention of marrying again. Or, if I did, he would have to prove his intentions were completely honorable...which is not an easy thing to do.

What I'm saying here is that to regard sex as 'an expression of love' or 'a bonding experience that creates a union', adds, for me a level of obligation (the obligation, which I was the one talking about, comes in because we want the relationship to become a union, sex is the only way to form that more complete union, hence we are obliged to have sex) etc. Sex with my loved one would (for me) no longer be just about wanting each other, it would become a method of asserting my love, or changing the nature of a relationship. That's all.

I never said anything about it being "greater than a friendship could ever be

In retrospect "the could ever be" was stronger than I intended. "Just" was what lead to my confusion. I wasn't sure if it was intended or not. Chase ended, hart captured.

I don't see sex as an ultimate act of love. I don't see it as forming a union, or being the difference between a platonic relationship and an amorous one. I think love is expressed more fully and truly in what you would (I think) see as lesser acts. But I see what you mean and disagree.

I don't mean ultimate in the sense that it's the most powerful, the most meaningful or what have you.

I mean ultimate in, in creating a bond between a man and a woman it IS what makes the difference between being a plantonic and a nonplatonic relationship.

It goes without saying that, without the other components involved in a healthy, loving relationship, that it has no meaning at all.

You are incredibly cynical ...and I thought I had become jaded over the years!

Well, maybe I have..and with total justification...but what I've also become in the quarter of a century longer that I've experienced life than you have, is to be very grateful for everything good in my life.

To me, sex is an expression of love and/or emotion and is a physically and emotionally bonding act.

To you, it's an obligation or just "something" you to do to use each other to get off, or to keep from being bored or because CSI isn't on television that night, it would appear.

View it how you want...that's certainly your prerogative...but quit putting words in my mouth. You are too intelligent (or at least you know how to use big words) to keep misconstruing the intent of my words

Feb 1, 2008 @ 2:10 PM

Am I the only one left in the world who doesn't view sex as...

sumdaysoon

Posts: 11,188

i think asp and lol gotta crush on each other...............they "talk" all the time..........