Do you want to know why Brian Kelly walks around with both fingers in the air? That's because he gives ZERO FUCKS y'all. I couldn't help but laugh mercilessly once the news was out that Brian Kelly was returning to Notre Dame after buying the Philadelphia Eagles a Cosmo up at the bar.

ALL YOU ASSHOLES MUST PAY.

I don't give a shit if this means you and, you, never return to Subway Domer again. Go fuck yourself with your mommy's pillbox.

Confused yet? Yeah, well this message is for those Notre Dame fans that were all like:

Drop Kelly NOW and hire [INSERT COACHE'S NAME THAT WILL NEVER COACH AT NOTRE DAME]

Brian Kelly is such a HORRIBLE TRAITOR!

Brian Kelly just showed his true colors.

I THOUGHT BK SAID HE LOVED ND WHY HE HATE ME WHY HE WANT TO LEAVE?!!!!1

Liar.

You motherfuckers have absolutely no concept of reality and how the planet Earth operates. This is what happens when there is success. Other people want some of that, and they are willing to pay a lot of money to get that success. You would have to be a moron, in ANY profession, to not at least see what is out there, when what is out there comes calling for you.

I also don't understand this whole, "Kelly could have handled this better," argument. Serious? How? Did you honestly think that we deserved or should have expected a daily update from Camp Kelly on what he is thinking/doing/drinking/eating/playing/pooping? What fucking crackhead world are you living in? Brian Kelly ain't the fucking POTUS y'all.

As fans, whether alumni or subway, it's time to wake up and say hello to Notre Dame football in the second decade of the third millennium, Anno Domini. Brian Kelly can basically do whatever he wants if he keeps delivering these type of seasons. If he leaves at some point, at least we can honestly say that the program is more than on the right track, it's thundering on down the line.

So, puff out your chest and suck that fucking beer gut in like Katherine Webb just walked by, and move on. Brian Kelly is the Head Coach of the Fighting Irish for 2013, he will bring in another top 5 recruiting class, he will start the season ranked somewhere in the top 10, and with any luck and a whole lot of hard work, the Irish will be in the discussion to play for another chance at a National Title.

Then we can do this again, and then you can tell me we should hire Gruden. Until then, however, shut the fuck up and enjoy the ride.