Olfactory Pen Creates Giant Stink, Fails to Make it out of Research Skunkworks

Microsoft has shown incredible stuff this week at \\build around Pen and Ink experiences — including simultaneous Pen + Touch experiences — as showcased for example in the great video on “Inking at the Speed of Thought” that is now available on Channel 9.

But I’ve had a skunkworks project — so to speak — in the works as part of my research (in the course of a career spanning decades) for a long time now, and this particular vision of the future of pen computing has consumed my imagination for at least the last 37 seconds or so. I’ve put a lot of thought into it.

It’s long been recognized that the sense of smell is a powerful index into the human memory. The scent of decaying pulp instantly brings to mind a favorite book, for example — in my case a volume of the masterworks of Edgar Allen Poe that was bequeathed to me by my grandfather.

Or who can ever forget the dizzying scent of their first significant other?

So I thought: Why not a digital pen with olfactory output?

Just think of the possibilities for this remarkable technology:

Not only can you ink faster than the speed of thought, but now you can stink faster than the speed of thought!

And I’m here to tell you that this is entirely possible. I think. I’ve already conceived of an amazing confabulation called the Aromatic Recombinator (patent pending; filed April 1st, 2016 at 2:55 PM; summarily rejected by patent office, 2:57 PM; earnest appeal filed in hope of an affirmative response, 2:59 PM; earnest response received: TBA).

Nonetheless, I can understand the patent office’s reticence.

Because with this remarkable technology one can arouse almost any scent, from the headiest of perfumes all the way to the most cloying musk, simply by scribbling on the screen of your tablet as if it were an electronic scratch-n-sniff card. A conception on which I have another patent pending, by the way.

Admittedly, some details remain sketchy, but I remain highly optimistic that the obvious problems can be sniffed out in short order.