"We're adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop? "

I am getting no closer to writing this book. I have a few pages scribbled into a random notebook and a few more pages on both PCs. *sigh* From the outside looking it, it would appear that I don’t care about this at all. But I know I do…I perk up every time I see a blog about self-publishing…I get the urge to write and make notes and be creative. What’s the problem?

I think that I need a time and space to devote to writing. Everyday, I should go to a specific space at a specific time and write. ( Even if I don’t feel like it….even if I’m tired…even if I have a headache.) There are very few things that I absolutely MAKE myself do no matter what. Maybe I should start.

So, I decide a couple of months ago that a novel was a bit much for me at this time. I want to take things one step at a time and start with a short story. I definitely wouldn’t mind having my short story selling on Kindles everywhere for 99 cents. Hey, it’s a start and it would make me very happy.

I have read so many novels like the one I want to write. Paranormal romance and romance in general is all I read and I just find myself thinking ” How in the hell could I ever write something this wonderful?” I mean, my favorite authors make me feel so many things! Can I actually write something that is that great? Something that other people can relate to? Something they will love and want more of?

Doubt and fear…that’s what it boils down to. I know all of the published authors that I talk to always say to write without fear but that’s so much easier said than done! I’m told to just write and not to even read it over until later. Make corrections and changes later…for now, just get what you want to say out.

I want this novel. I want it so badly that I can taste it. The problem is that I am way too intimidated by the thought of writing it and it’s getting in the way of any efforts that I make to get started. Perhaps I should have faced this issue before getting on FB and shouting from the mountain top that I was going to be writing my first novel.

The advice from successful authors is helping. Thinking about that person that I know who published the first of a 3 book series recently is helping. ( Again, mostly because I read some of the book and it’s really not great and I feel like if she can do it, I can too!) I think that even if I just started out writing a Kindle novella or something like that…it would give me the confidence I need to write something a little longer and perhaps to publish in print. Funny how publishing a Kindle book seems to be less of a big deal…but it’s HUGE in reality.

My concepts for the novel have change again and again and again. I really love the opening that I adapted from a short story but once I got past that…there was nothing. I couldn’t even decide if I wanted to add a paranormal twist to the story ( vampires) or not. I guess I just have paranormal romance on my brain because that’s what I read all of the time. I’m telling myself that because I read so much of it, I should be able to crank out a quality story in no time. (NOT FAIR!)

I want to write this novel and have it turn into a series like what happened to that person I know. I want to become all serious and dedicated like the aspiring writers that I know. They eat, sleep, and breathe writing! I find that I have trouble being that dedicated to anything these days. I’m going to have to dig deep, push my insecurities aside, and just push through. There is absolutely nothing wrong with reading and reworking what I’ve written. I think that’s where I started to get frustrated this last time. Like I said…it’s really helping to read about successful authors and to know that they do the same things. They rework….they are hard on themselves…they decide after they have started that they want to throw it out and start over, etc.

But, ultimately, I know one thing. There is a reason that this keeps coming back to me and that I can’t fully shake the feeling of wanting to write this novel.

About Me

I am a twenty-something African-American female living in South Korea and teaching English. I have a BS in Dance Education, a M.Ed in Educational Administration, and I’m working on a second Masters in Professional Counseling. I taught dance in public schools for 6 years before deciding to move to South Korea.