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Homosexuality born that way?

No scientific proof exists that we are born that way. I used to hang out at male gay bars and successfully got some to have relations with me. A dangerous thing in the 80’s. I fell in love with a gay male who bargained if he was HIV negative he’d consider a relationship with me. Sadly he was HIV+. Then I tried female gay bars. They musta knew I was straight. Couldn’t even get a dance!!! Went to gay A.A. meetings. Didn’t fit there either. Surprisingly I liked one girl a lot. Pretty little blonde. But then my Christian roots scared me. I didn’t want to go to hell!!! So went back to straight men. I have never had an orgasm from but one man. A one night stand. Otherwise sex? Yuck! I would make a rotten muslin because they think heaven is sex. Lots of sex. That’s sick. I’m celibate for 15 years now. Old and wrinkled and out of the game. I masturbate. Sometimes I actually pretend I’m a man and the woman is sucking my dick.(vibrator) good orgasm

But no love. I’ve never had love and sex together. Does it even really exist? I voted trump so gays really hate me now, saved them from Muslims and they don’t know they’d be beheaded for being gay there. As a Christian I ask for forgiveness for the masturbation thoughts. But God specifically said sodomy was wrong. Never did it and won’t. It has to hurt like hell! I want to go to heaven! Jesus forgive me.