Friday, September 23, 2011

The Baby (1973) - This oily squirmfest involves a 21 year old dude who acts like a baby. Poster art indicates that a hatchet is also involved. Severin Films recently gave it the deluxe DVD treatment, but I'm inclined to pop in a busted up vhs copy with, like, chocolate fingerprints and hair stuck to it for the Frights showing.

The Basement (1986) - When the people at Camp Motion Pictures say, "Hey Frights, we found a goofy looking, never before released anthology that some guy shot on Super 8 in 1986 with no money," I hand them my fucking credit card.

Death Warmed Up (1984) - Like the box says, winner of the Grand Prix at the International Festival of Fantasy and Science Fiction. Not exactly a lightweight. Plus that green "Horror" sticker is coming with an attitude like, "SHOW ME IN YOUR FESTIVAL, ASSHOLE." I like it.

Screamtime (1986) - Scummy looking anthology made by British people. One of the stories has a killer puppet. Also, in case you haven't noticed, "anthology" is like a password around here that gets you in a special side door straight to the VIP room. I mean, shit, we broke out the red carpet for Deadtime Stories.

The Slayer (1982) - That picture up top with the skeleton creature with fangs? It came from this movie. Let's not overthink it.

Shitfest presents: Jack-O (1995) - I put this piece of shit on the roster every Halloween and we never actually watch it. We probably won't watch it this year either. God I hate this movie. "It's harvest time." Fuck you.

SARAH FRIGHTS

Sarah's always asking if any of the Frights are "scary but not bloody." Here's a couple of films she can maybe actually enjoy. To the hardcore Frights fans: Just hang in there a minute. You're probably only a film or two away from someone getting their face jammed in a paper shredder.

Ghostwatch (1992) - Every time there's a weird noise or something in our apartment, Sarah says, "It's Pipes! It's Pipes!" But she's never even seen this goddamned movie. In related news, this movie is awesome.

The Monster Squad (1987) - What can be said? The greatest movie ever made?

DARIO ARGENTO TRIBUTE

Justin "Greaseman" Brusino is always bitching that the Italians don't get enough respect from Frights. So here. Argento gets his own section. Now back off, Greaseman.

Deep Red (1975), Inferno (1980), Phenomena aka Creepers (1985) - Man, all the films from Argento's awesome period run together for me. They don't make sense, but they look artistic and they have lots of blood. I think Phenomena has a monkey with a switchblade.

MIND MELTERS

Everyone's favorite section. These movies have been kept from you for years -- and for good reason. Actually shitting yourself is a real possibility when you watch them.

Ogroff aka The Mad Mutilator (1983) - Someone in France in the 80s tried to make a splatter film in their backyard. And no one ever saw it. Luckily, Frights has secured a rip from a vhs that's only about 78 dupes removed from the original shit-quality master. It's easier to take if you watch it with sunglasses on. You're welcome.

Things (1989) - This was supposed to be at last Frights, but then the magnificent bastards at Intervision Pictures announced a special edition DVD release. That DVD has been making sexy eyes at me from my coffee table for the past month and a half. Look at the cover art. It's a like a magic eye picture.

PREMIERES

Lots of secret premieres this year. Two of them are some brutal, nihilistic shit rated "lifers only" though. Also, there's yet another anthology. Pretty stacked.