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Topic : 08/10 Teen Love Trauma

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Created on : Thursday, February 19, 2009, 03:58:07 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date 02/23/09) What happens when a volatile teen relationship threatens to tear a daughter away from her parents? Giesel and Steve say their 18-year-old daughter, Devynn, has an unhealthy relationship with her boyfriend, and the tumultuous union has caused a rift in their family. They say Devynn’s beau calls her names, makes her disobey them and is destroying their daughter’s once promising future. The teen admits that she and her boyfriend argue a lot, but she recently revealed that she is pregnant and plans to have the baby. Find out the devastating news that Devynn learned just days before appearing on the show. What does the future hold for this teen if she follows through with her desire to marry the man of her dreams against her folks' wishes? Can Giesel and Steve broker a peace with their child, or will this family drama continue to spiral out of control? Join the discussion.

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What's her Hurry???

I wonder Why Devinwants to get Preg. Right NOW,I allway's wonder a young girls motive to feel the need to fall for Mr.Wrong & wanting a Baby,is Devins Dad not giving her something she needs,I can Totally understand Mom's not liking Devins boyfriend,but I think Mom might just be pushing Devin right where she's trying to keep her away from,Mr Wrong,I know what's it's like to be a Preg Teen,Married & My Mom told me I wasn't welcome & had to leave the home,It wasn't long after I married Mr.Wrong,that he began to abuse me Preg meant little to him,I had no place to turn,goto,so I suffered alone for way too long,So Devins Mom I say to you,U may not like the guy but Devin seems to Love him,Please be carfull Not to push Devin out of your life,she's gonna do what "She"feels is right for her & if U guy's keeep fighting about her,Mr Wrong,heaven forbid he ever abuses her,she may not wanna admit that she was wrong & Mom was right esp after all your talks about how much you don't like him,Please let Devin know how Much U Love her,even if U don't agree with her,situition,let Devin know U will be there for her No matter what & sometimes a HUG,Silence speaks very loud,I'd Hate to see Devin end up like I did,broken,battered,alone,scared,stand back & let her live her life,but be there for her.......

Been there, done that

Meet Devynn 9 years later. I was her at 19. I met a guy that was exciting and appealing and all wrong for me. The drama that came with the fighting and abuse was a draw. I was a teen living in my very own soap opera and I was eating it up. The fact that my parents were so against us being together, simply added to the excitement. And then the day came when I woke up and grew up. I was no longer welcome at home, couldn't talk to my parents about him and he had just tried to choke me. It was at this point I started to see who he really was and I was in trouble. Thank goodness I never got pregnant but I had been living with him and he had managed to convince me that my parents were the problem and not us. After he went to jail that night,I went home. It was then that my eyes opened and I was able to see what I had done to my family. Out of stubbornness and rebellion, I had pushed away the only people who really cared about me, my parents. It took a while but we rebuilt a wonderful relationship that I wouldn't trade for the world. Oh yeah and just over a year later he was convicted of murdering a woman he had just met and married. That could have been me. Devynn....you may not see it now....you may be caught up in the drama or the hurt or the idea of him....but at some point its okay to admit that being alone is better than being with someone who makes you so unhappy. And your parents only want you to be safe and happy. I can never undo what I did to my parents, only try to make up for it by learning from my mistakes and not repeating them. I am now happy, safe, single, alive and enjoying every second I spend with my family. Devynn's story touched me so much and I hope my story in return gives her some things to think about.

Is this guy a bad guy?

There is alot to this story we don't know about but the mom was not able to give specific examples of what he has done to her daughter. She stated she doesn't like him upsetting her, that's life sometimes, you can't always protect your kids from everything. I have been with the same man since we were kids, we started dating when I was 17 and he was 16. Our relationship in the beginning was really rocky lots of fighting (never physical of course) just arguing all the time and breaking up and getting back together. We were young and immature and this continued for the first couple of years. As we grew up we learned how to argue a point without hurting eachother. We now talk and laugh about how dramatic we made everything when we were young. We got married in 2000 and we have since had two boys. Life couldn't possibly be any better. My husband grew up to be a wonderful man and the best father for our boys.

This young man may not be as bad as the mother is making him out to be. I wish the mother could have explained what he has done a little better. The last thing these kids need is a baby. My heart goes out to her for her loss of the baby but I believe everything happens for a reason. This is her chance to get her life together and work on her relationship with her boyfriend. A baby NEVER fixes things in a bad relationship. All of my teenage friends had babies when they were young and I have to be honest it was hard for me not to do the same but I wanted better for my children when I had them. NONE of my friends stayed with the father or mother of their kids. Now they work at intergrating step parents and step siblings and none of them have had an easy time. I am very glad that I knew at a young age that it would be a mistake to have a baby while being a teenager. I couldn't be the mother I am now back then I was to immature and selfish.

I hope Devynn herself reads this and I want to tell her be young and have fun, get your life together, and if you want to stay with your boyfriend than stay with him but you need to love yourself more than you love him. Also you need to love your future children enough to wait until your ready to have them believe me when you have kids your whole life changes and you want nothing but the best for them, you can't do that at 18.

What About The Daughter

Why is no one addressing the underlying issues that would cause a daughter to feel such a desperate need to separate from her parents; whether such separation is geographic (i.e., relocation), relational (i.e., severance of parental ties), or emotional.

A young woman with such obviously deep-seated issues is suffering and no one, not even Dr. Phil, seems to be considering this!

The grass is always greener

I am currently watching the "Teen Love Trauma" episode and with all my experiences with pregnant and parenting teens, becoming pregnant as a teenager is not the path that should be taken. Many teens that I have come into contact with believe that everything will work out okay and the outcome will be nothing but positive. I'm not saying that` becoming pregnant as a teen is the worst thing that can happen to you, but it is much harder than many teenagers are able to imagine.

When I worked with pregnant and parenting teens, I ran a prevention program where teen parents would talk to other students on the difficulties of being a teen parent. I hope this girl really thinks through what she is doing. Depending on another person to take care of the situation is also very risky. 99.9% of my clients ended the relationship with the other parent.

I hope that this girl takes Dr.Phil's advise and thinks about the impact her decisions can make, not just on her, but also the people around her.

Dear Devynn

Hey Devynn,

I was a teenage mom at 15 and married. Didn't finish school til I was almost 30 with my GED and started my life long career as nurse. By that time I had 3 children. The road was hard. But I would take all the money in the world to change the fact without my children. You are young and have the world in your hands. Why make it harder on yourself in this hard economy we are going through now? Finish your education and start the career you want, get it concrete then start your family. Get to know your self first before you bring a man or children in the picture. You won't regret it in the end. I don't know this guy you say you love, but if there is a inkling of doubt in your gut, Please hold off on marriage. If he truely loves you and respects your wishes in life he will be there in the end. Same for any of your friends. Sit down and make a list of what Devynn wants and her goals. Don't let anyone hold you back. Your parents love you, I can see that. Why go make mistakes just to prove that they were right??..Good Luck and go for the stars!!

02/23 Teen Love Trauma

I wanted to post on this discussion because i have been in the same position as Devyn. I met my ex when I was 14 years old and I thought that he walked on water. In my eyes he did nothing wrong. Nobody in my family liked him but I was convinced that he was the guy for me. I agree when they say that love is blind because i didnt see all that was coming my way. I had a miscarriage when I was 18 years old and I just didnt understand why. Now that I am older, i completely understand why it happened. I am a firm believer that God has a plan for everyone and I now know why I did not have that baby. We were both young and immature. Then back in 2005 I had a little boy and 5 months later I got pregnant again. I now have 2 wonderful boys that are 3 and 4 but i am also a single mother. After i had the boys, my ex started doing drugs and playing online video games. i could never get him to help out with the kids and he would get so mad at me if i asked him to do something even as little as fix oe of the kids a bottle. It eventually got so out of control that i had worked until 1am one night and because one of the boys got up in the middle of the night at 4am and i asked him to help the baby, he beat me until i was black and blue and i thought for sure that it was going to be the last night of my life. i just knew that he was going to beat me to death. i had never even seen it coming. this was the same person that my family warned me about back in my teenage years. i never thought that it would come to this but it did. now my purpose in life is to warn young girls about listening to their parents, especially when it comes to listening to your mother. i have found that mothers have an instinct and they normally know when something is not right, especially when it comes to their children. i am now much happier as a single mom then i ever was as a married mother of two. i have been able to enjoy my children more now. it has also made a positive effect on my boys. i see that they are alot happier than they were since they dont see all the arguing and fighting. their father doesnt see them at all and i have got several criminal cases open against him. they range from harrassment, stalking, theft, and terroristic threatening. so this is just a warning for devyn and all other young girls that are thinking about settling down, having a baby, and getting maried. you need to think more than twice about it because even if it seems perfect, it may not be. you really need to listen to your family and to your friends and everyone around you. it is true that love is blind and you may not even see it coming like me but it is real and even if you think you cant do it by yourself, you can. you dont have to put up with the control or abuse whether it be mental, emotional, or physical. i hope that this will be useful to somebody even if it is only one person. you are your own person and you can do it.

Something to think about

About this teen love family hardships.... My mom got pregnant w/ me at 17 and had me at 18, my dad wasn't the father he should have been. When my mom was 6 months along he cheated on her w/ his ex girlfriend. The were married the day after she turned 18. He never treated her the way she needed to be. The had 2 other little girls together and he was the same w/ them as he was me. He didn't take care of us the way we should have been. He'd rather sit and watch tv or sleep or whatever then change us or feed us. I strongly believe he never wanted to be a father or get married. I think he got married to avoid having to pay child support. He wasn't the best off when they got together. And through their entire marrige he cheated on her and they faught all the time. I was 14 telling my mom that she would be better off leaving him. And he always chamed her back to him.and in the long run she got hurt more then ever. And as a teenager I thought that I knew everything I knew what love was. And my mom tried to warn me about a guy I was dating and I didn't listen. Guess what? I was hurt just like my mom feared I would be. And now at 21 I am trying to maintain a healthy relationship w/ my bf. The only set back maybe is that yes we do live together. But he doesn't call me names, he doesn't tell me that I am no good or anything. We talk about things before they get out of hand. And I am still not ready to get married. So as some advice don't get married just b/c you're pregant. The kids will see that there is not true love there and will figure out in time why you got married. And when your parents are trying to help out and worry about how he is treating you, don't be mad at them for it. Know that they love you and want the best for you. I just misscarried little less then a month now. And finding that out hurts And think of things and use protection, and in this economy please think things over. It's cheaper to buy condoms and use birth conrtol rather then raise a baby. And no abouse wheather physical,emotional, or mental is no good and there is no reason to stay in it for further harm. good Luck and Blessed Be

I have a 16 year old who is dating a boy I don't approve of..

I have been struggling with the similar situation as Devin and her parents.. I allow this boy into our home and you would be surprised how much you get to know someone when you get stuck in a snow storm with them. I noticed the respectfulness and ruddiness he was showing to my daughter in front of me.. Needless to say I didn't like it to much. He went to our family Christmas dinner and noticed him flirting with my other daughter who is a year older then my daughter he is dating. They have broke up three times since they started dating and they argue all the time on texts and phone conversations. She is so in love she can't see straight. I hate this boy.. He is 18 years old and hold a job and mooches off his parents and still seems to slither his ways with my daughter. He has a history with the law. He is not what I thought my daughter would have picked for a boyfriend. He manipulates her into doing what she isn't suppose to do. He tries to run her while I am trying to set ground rules... I am terrified by his anger problems and the way he has been brought up. He is nothing. My daughter is outgoing and gets good grades and tries to do good at home. I have allowed her to see him to a certain point because I don't want to push her away. I love her with all of my heart. And she tries to get me to like him and I just can't do it. I am afraid I will end up in jail. This is how much I hate his guts. He is not what I want for her. She is a beautiful girl. Shes smart and I wonder where I went wrong. She quite doing certain sports and just has focused herself around this boyfriend who I hate and would like to strangle him. I think he is feeding off her to bring her down because she approaches me to let him into our life. I feel for your family Devin. You are there joy and happiness. you need to take what is important and realize that this boyfriend has other agendas. With Love and Sympathy, kblegen3