Hi

Privacy, We Hardly Knew Ye

There’s a lot of hubbub about all these companies and sites and apps updating their privacy agreements. I think it has to do with the EU but I’m not really interested in looking those details up. They’re not really germane to my rant.

Here’s the deal. For those who are wondering if their private data is secure, there’s no need to be unsure. I’m here to relieve your stress.

If you have ever shared your private data with any institution, private or public, uploaded your data to any website, used your credit card at any brick and mortar or online store, you are potentially fucked.

Don’t believe me? How many credit card breaches have to happen? How many websites have to be hacked? How many times has your credit card been cancelled because the number was stolen? How many times has your data been sold to a list that results in shit flooding your inbox? See the theme?

If you’ve ever had private data on your computer and it’s been connected to the Internet, there is a small but real chance that it’s not private anymore.

What can you do? Nothing. You aren’t going to change your habits so don’t even come at me with that bullshit. Who among you is going to give up online shopping, email and smartphone apps?

So since you are stuck, I have only two pieces of advice.

(1) All that Wookiee erotica you’ve been writing? Just own up to it now. Go ahead and publish it and send it to everyone you know in your email contacts. If you’ve got no shame, you can’t be extorted.

(2) Make sure all of your financial institutions have generous fraud protection policies.

Privacy is dead. Long live publicly. That can’t be correct.

You’ve seen the Bugs Bunny cartoon where he’s standing by a dam and one crack opens and water starts pouring out so Bugs immediately plugs it with a finger? But as soon as he does, another crack opens and he has to use another finger to plug it and this sequence repeats itself until he’s using all his fingers and toes to plug as many holes as possible but the dam just eventually bursts anyway?

It’s not a matter of if. It’s only a matter of when.

A better dam will be built. A better crack will emerge. Rinse. Repeat. Etc.

So let your freak flag fly! And pay attention to those fraud alerts!

Besides, you should be proud that you identify with the raw sexuality of a noble alien race anyway.