Wednesday, September 30, 2009

If any of you out there aren't completely hooked on io9 yet, well, why the hell not? It's got everything a fan of SF, fantasy, squick, and/or SF/fantasy/squick-related porn could ever want.

Here's my latest find: an artist by the name of John Coulthart who comes closer than anyone else I've ever seen to picturing the unpicturable: H.P. Lovecraft's Great Old Ones. That's Cthulhu at left. Directly below, in order, are Azathoth, Yog-Sothoth, and Wilber Whateley. Finally (for this blog, anyway; you'll find lots more artwork on Coulthart's website), beneath them, is R'lyeh.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Okay, so there's a little more to the story of how I developed Sucker Punch: a little more that's both personal and cringe-inducing, but in a more lighthearted way than what I revealed in the last post.

When I was a kid, one of my favorite Saturday morning shows was a superheroine puff piece called Electra-Woman and Dyna Girl. I'm sure some of you remember it, but if you're like me, your memories of the show are a lot better than the show itself. Believe me: I know, because I spent some time earlier today tracking down a clip from the episode that helped me develop "Sucker Punch." In it, sidekick Dyna Girl gets turned evil - and really revels in her own depravity.

I had intended to embed that clip in my Peek Beneath the Duct Tape below, but once I found it, I decided that it was just too awful to inflict on you. If you really want to experience the horror for yourself, you can find it on YouTube with very little effort; but I'll spare those of you who aren't into the "M" part of S&M and leave it off this blog.

On the other hand, I will share some other amusing tidbits I found during my search for that clip, like Cyndi Lauper singing the theme song while dressed as a slightly vampier version of a villain from the show:

And I'll also share the two halves of a 2001 pilot that didn't get picked up but absolutely should have: a starry-eyed college girl who was saved by Electra Woman as a kid tracks her down, only to find that her heroine has now become a boozy skank. It's much funnier than it sounds - and to my warped mind, it sounded pretty funny to begin with. Best lines:

Electra-Woman: Do you think your roommate would mind if I borrowed some of her underwear?
Judy II: Oh, I think she'd want you to keep them.

Here, have a look:

And now, for those of you who can't get enough of Electra-Woman and Dyna Girl (and/or who do have a masochistic streak) let's go back to the original show. In my adventures this morning, I discovered that almost every episode of the '70's show included some kind of mind control (No, I didn't watch them all, all over again; I just read some plot summaries. Stop giggling). Here are a couple of links to a couple of clips that are slightly less unwatchable than the "Evil Dyna Girl" episode:

A few weeks ago I was browsing around on the EMCSA and decided to reread a couple of my older stories, Sucker Punch and Avatar. I do tend to reread my own stuff every now and then; but it's usually the pieces I consider my best, like Willing Subject or Solitaire. It had been a very long time since I reread "Sucker Punch" or "Avatar," because I've been less happy with how those two turned out. On rereading, however, I decided that the only real problem with "Sucker Punch" was the title; and that the biggest problem with "Avatar" was the typos. I'll fix both, somewhere down the line when I have time; but meanwhile I'll go ahead and give you a double Peek on the two of them.

Let's start with Avatar," since I have less to say about that one. Both these stories date to my thought-I-was-straight days, but I never developed the original "Avatar" fantasy very thoroughly. It was basically just a squicky-plant piece, probably based on vague memories of The Day of the Triffids. In the original version of the fantasy, a male lover of the Livy character watched helplessly through a locked spaceship door as she was taken over by an alien plant she'd acquired. On the rare occasions when I took the story beyond that scene (rare because the "male watching helplessly" bit was what excited me most, even when I thought I was straight), I imagined the transformed woman coming out and seducing him afterwards, then the two of them taking over the rest of the ship.

I'm not entirely happy with the changes I made in adapting the fantasy for the EMCSA. I've said before that sometimes certain endings seem "required," even when they don't really push my buttons; and this is the best example of that phenomenon. The more I think about it, the more I really hate the thought of Cassie being parted from Livy again - for centuries no less (You didn't really think it was the downfall of humanity that made me sorry, did you? ;-P). Whenever I go back and rework that story, I might very well change the ending. My Muse might not like it, but this is one case where I think I can change Her mind. ;-)

And now on to "Sucker Punch." I don't attempt comedy in my writing much (aside from a handful of parodies in another online life), and I didn't really think the attempt was successful here until I reread it after a long period away from the piece. Looking at it with fresh eyes, I've decided that I did pull off what I was attempting, which was to show a stereotypical supervillain breaking out of her stereotypical mold; then turning back to mock the conventions of her genre, beating the stereotypical hero because she's broken away from convention, and finally allowing the stereotypical sidekick to break away as well...in one sense, anyway. Heh.

But I was actually drawn to write this story more for the twist than for the challenge of doing comedy. The twist, of course, is what gave me the name for the piece: Ursula sucker punched Steele, and I sucker punched my readers (I hope). However, I quickly realized that the story would have been better served with a long, ridiculous title like, "The Last Adventure of Doctor Steele and His Intrepid Sidekick Franny against Ursula Major, the Evil Mistress of Domina." Again, one of these days I'm going to go back and change that.

But back to the twist. I've complained before about the fact that some supposed EMC writers don't get the difference between mind control and body control, and this is the one story where I used that difference to my advantage. But where did I get the idea? This next bit is both personal and sordid, but it's not as sordid as you're going to think when you first hear that the story originally involved a father and his daughter.

No, my father never abused me, physically, verbally, or sexually. He was just a coldhearted jackass - a coldhearted fundamentalist jackass. So when I originally imagined myself as a girl being brainwashed by a father whose will was secretly intact, and who was tortured by what he was doing to her, it gave me a double jolt of satisfaction. The characters in this fantasy were never really me and my father...but then again, they were. I was flaunting my fetish in my dad's face, forcing him to participate in it against his will, and enjoying my own guilt-free subversion - all while imposing the guilt on him that I really wanted him to feel, but he didn't.

See, pretty sordid, eh? But I hope that won't diminish your enjoyment of the story, if you choose to go back and read it now. I certainly enjoyed my reread. ;-P

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Well, I'm still on that 80's music kick. Over the weekend I downloaded Men at Work's Business as Usual and Cargo albums in full and found myself reintroduced to a forgotten robo-kink classic: "Helpless Automaton." Don't you just love that title? And the lyrics are so cute, and the song itself is 100% 80's-tastic. Here, have a look at this video of a live performance, complete with mullets and awful 80's fashion statements. Or, if you prefer, just enjoy the lyrics:

I stay in my room,All alone in the gloom,What need I of light?Machines they can see in the night,And I feel no painMetal heart and a metal brain,But something is wrongBecause I still feel that signal coming in so

I stand at your door,I guess I'll wait a moment moreYour hall light comes onAnd now my turn to fire uponBut I wheel awayDefer my plight for another dayTo dream of your faceBut a video screen takes its place

Hey, oh it's trueI'm a helpless automaton, make an ultimatum to youHey, it's trueMachinery in my pocket, I've even got a docket from you

I went to the man, I told him a robot is what I am,But he just smiled, said I was a fractious childDistrusted not rusted, that's why I feel so disgustedBut I know hes wrong, because I haven't felt this way for very long

Hey, it's true,I'm a helpless automaton, make an ultimatum to youHey, it's trueMachinery in my pocket, Ive even got a docket from youI'm a helpless automaton, make an ultimatum to youHey, it's trueMachinery in my pocket, I've even got a docket from youIt's trueI'm a helpless automaton, make an ultimatum to youHey, it's trueMachinery in my pocket, I've even got a docket from youFrom youFrom you

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Last night I finally got up the courage (or perhaps the desperation) to try something I've been avoiding until now.

Lady Ru'etha has given me access to a few of the mp3's that she shares with her "pets," although she hasn't recommended any of them for me in particular aside from "Robotic Transformation 1.01" (which I've reviewed previously and recommend very highly). Well, one of those other mp3's is called "Voice," and although I downloaded it a long time ago, I'd been avoiding listening to it because either she or one of her pets (I don't remember who: a fact that's going to sound pretty hilarious by the time you reach the end of this sentence) told me it included some post-hypnotic suggestions to forget certain things. I wasn't sure I wanted to be made to forget anything, since a big part of my kink is observing what's being done to me and reveling helplessly (That's part of the "watcher" thing I talked about here).

Now, Lady Ru'etha told me months ago that a hypnotic subject won't forget anything unless they're really open to forgetting; but I was still a little leery...until last night, that is. What with one thing and another, I reached a point where I was absolutely aching for a new and deeper hypnotic experience; so I decided to give "Voice" a try, telling myself ahead of time that I'd pay attention and not forget anything I didn't genuinely want to forget.

So...did I forget? Heh. You know by now how I like to tease, but this is one thing I really should be up front about. No, I didn't forget anything, though the Virtual Hypnotist sessions I've been writing and running on my own have made me very, very open to mindlessness and deep trance. I had to exert myself a bit, to keep my focus in certain spots. But that didn't detract from my enjoyment of the mp3 at all. It only reminded me of the plight of a typical MC'ed heroine, knowing she's being seduced into something she really shouldn't give in to, but finding it just so very hard to keep fighting. It was really kind of delicious in that way. ;-)

As for the recording itself: oh. my. god. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Lady Ru'etha is a first-rate vocal artist. When I think of all the trouble I go to, to fine-tune every line of a voice-synthesized VH session into sounding halfway human, and how it still lags light years beyond what she can produce, with her vocal and hypnotic skills and her creativity and her general benevolent domme-ishness....

Okay, I'm just going to have to give up entirely on my resolution not to promote any for-profit services, because I can't not promote Lady Ru'etha's recordings. They're just that awesome. And this one was extra-special, because she made it solely for her pets. That means it's much longer and took me much deeper than any of her public-use recordings - or even the introductory recording she made just for me, back in the spring. I see now that that was sort of a "Voice Lite," and I understand now why she gave me the trigger she gave me: the trigger in "Voice" is modular, and the version she gave me is that trigger plus an add-on.

But now I guess I'm teasing you a bit, aren't I? Well, I can't say too much about "Voice," because I'm sure Lady Ru'etha wants to keep at least parts of it private; and since I'm not entirely sure which parts those are, I figure the fewer beans I spill, the better. But I will say that some elements of "Voice" also appear in recordings she's already made public and in recordings she's told me she'll be making public at a later date. So stay tuned - and stay eager.

And one more thing: I really do owe you an explanation for the image at the top of this post. Some of you will recognize it as a shot from The Matrix, but you're probably wondering what that shot has to do with Lady Ru'etha's mp3. Well, there was a section in "Voice" where I was prompted to imagine myself in a "programming room" bathed in blue light. But for some reason I found myself wanting the light to be dusky pink rather than blue. I let that idea go during my first listen to "Voice" and just went with Lady Ru'etha suggestion, but after waking up, I chewed it over a bit more. And that was when I realized that the room I wanted to be programmed in wasn't a room at all, but rather a gel-filled pod. Don't you think that's more up my squicky alley? You know it is. ;-P

Well, I felt sure Lady Ru'etha wouldn't mind my changing one image to suit my tastes. So when I listened to "Voice" a second time this morning (right on the heels of my usual VH morning session, in order to take advantage of fractionation), when I reached the bit about the blue programming room, I just went right ahead and imagined a pink programming pod. It turned out to be just as easy as imagining everything else in "Voice."

Heh, and to think that I used to believe I wouldn't be a good hypnotic subject. I am a great hypnotic subject! As to whether that's due to Lady Ru'etha's skill or my own internal makeup or both, who the hell cares? All that matters are the results, and the results are mind blowing.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

As promised, here's your follow-up post on my latest experiment with Virtual Hypnotist. But first, let me explain why last night turned out not to be the best night for testing a new iteration of my Bedtime session.

Much as I tried to avoid it, I was finally roped into watching that horrible not-a-real-vampire-movie-dammit Twilight, thanks to my beloved. *sigh* The things we do for love. Fortunately, she got bored with it almost as quickly as I did, and we only ended up watching about the first two thirds and then the conclusion. But I did find one moment of humor early on, when Bella told Edward that she didn't like cold, wet things and he laughed uncomfortably. I know he wasn't really thinking of this, but it was fun to imagine that he was. ;-P

Anyway, between turning in much later than usual and having a head full of sparkly faux vampires, I wasn't in the best frame of mind to reach new levels of brainless bliss. I tried again with the morning session not too long ago, and I didn't go as deep as I did yesterday (I'd love for someone to explain the factors that influence how deep you go on different days - any takers?), but I still had a very nice time. And in between last night and this morning, I came up with several tweaks to get more out of the new ideas. I'm still planning to post a new version of the Bedtime session on my Ono Udont page somewhere down the line, so stay tuned.

Oh, and one other thing: I'm back to writing "Union, Reunion" again and have some great scenes in mind.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Last night, during my usual Bedtime hypnosis session, I had a little brainstorm.

Bedtime 2.0 encourages me to imagine a black hole at the bottom of my mind: a black hole that draws in all my conscious thoughts and erases them, leaving me receptive to sleep. But sometimes the black hole doesn't do the job as well as I'd like. So last night it occurred to me that maybe the black hole should be more of a wormhole, piping my thoughts away from my mind and depositing them somewhere else. Well, I quickly realized that the most natural place for it to pipe them was out of my mouth. It's a short trip from the base of my brain down to my mouth, and my mouth hangs open when I'm in trance, anyway.

From there, it was only a few steps to designing Bedtime 3.0 - this morning, not last night, just in case you were wondering. ;-) I've changed the wording just a little, making the black hole a spiral; and I've changed the visuals significantly. I'll see how well 3.0 works tonight, maybe report back tomorrow, and perhaps eventually post the new version on my Virtual Hypnotist pages.

Meanwhile, I did a test run of the new effects with my morning session and included another suggestion I'd thought up recently, to help me to stop analyzing during trance: I told myself that my awareness had been reduced to the role of watcher. I could "watch" what my imaginary Mistress was doing to me, and I could enjoy it; but I had neither the desire nor the ability to affect it.

The results were incredible. I often have trouble coming back to wakefulness at the end of sessions, and when I have the time, I go back to bed until the effects wear off. But after this morning's session, I couldn't even open my eyes or move at all! I couldn't get out of the chair!

Okay, of course, I could have opened my eyes or moved if I'd really wanted to; I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea. Hypnosis can't make you do anything you don't want to do, but it can make certain things seem easier than others - and certain things seem like too much trouble to bother about. Moving, for instance. Or thinking. ;-)

I have no idea how long I lay there, but when I finally found the will to start moving again, I immediately went back into the wakener script and added a suggestion about regaining control of myself after waking up. It would be too tempting for the "thrall" part of my brain to get hooked on this feeling.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Not too long ago I heard an old '90's song on the radio, "Everything You Want," and it got me thinking. If you read the lyrics in full, you see that the band (Vertical Horizon) meant it to be about a woman who can't appreciate the man she's with because of old wounds. But I tend to focus on the chorus by itself, and to see a completely different message:

He's everything you wantHe's everything you needHe's everything inside of youThat you wish you could beHe says all the right thingsAt exactly the right timeBut he means nothing to youAnd you don't know why

Back in my uptight twenties, when I was trying to be a good little fundamentalist and still thought I was straight, I dated an absolutely wonderful man named Luis who was everything I thought I wanted - but I just couldn't fall in love with him. I broke his heart, and I'm still sorry about that to this day.

So this is for Luis, even though I know the odds of his seeing it are practically nil. I hope that in the end, he found a woman who could give him all the love and appreciation he so richly deserved.

Monday, September 7, 2009

In the end, it was ridiculously simple. All I had to do was stop back by Ulorin Vex's blog and follow the "Kato" link rather than the "Steampunk Couture" link. And there she was, in all her radiant, green-eyed, raven-haired glory: my dream woman. And she's bi. ;-P Not that I have a chance with her, but it's still nice to know.

Her MySpace page includes several new picture albums full of goodies, as well as a link to her modeling site. I especially recommend the latter for robot/doll fetishists, because it has the whole series from which I extracted the center image below. Also, the modeling site link page will carry you on to some other sites that include more pictures of the divine Ms. K.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

I'd hoped to go to Dragon Con this weekend and finally meet Lady Ru'etha, Jukebox, and Follow the Watch; but unfortunately, things didn't work out that way. Damn. And here I was, actually close enough to drive rather than fly. Well, I know they're having a great time, and if any of them happen to stop by my blog: hello from afar, and please feel free to call me if you get a moment in between all the trancing and ogling of celebrities. ;-)

As for me, I'm spending the weekend relaxing (hopefully with my beloved, a little later). I've been doing lots of trancing on my own and went gloriously deep this morning. Then I followed it up with a hot soak in the tub. You know that final scene in "My Very Own Serial Number," where 5389 delights in the feeling of the gel rolling across her closed lids and ticking the inner corners of her eyes? That's 100% based on fact. If you've never tried this trick in a warm bath, I recommend it very highly.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

I'm not 100% sure who this model is, but I'm definitely in love with her. The combination of flawless body; long, flowing black hair; olive skin; and green eyes has me totally adrool.

Last night I stopped by Ulorin Vex's blog and found an entry about a clothing line she just did some modeling for, Steampunk Couture. Ulorin has a very short "behind the scenes" video on her blog, and there are more pictures of her on the Steampunk Couture site...but I thought you might like to look at someone new this time. And my word, how can you not look? :-D

All the other models in the site's pictures are named, and there are some candid shots of this lovely lady at a convention; so my best guess is that she's the designer and owner of Steampunk Couture, Kato.

Anyway, whoever she is, I just want to climb her like Mount Everest. With my tongue.