30 Things Women Over 30 Should Never Wear

I'm a few months away from being 34. Although I am tempted to lie and say I am still 29, it's really not that big of a deal. I do, however, need to lay down some rules when it comes to mid-thirties fashion. Y'all ready for this?

Here's a list of the 30 things women over 30 should never wear:

Crocs

Robes cursed by angry wizards

Raccoon caps (doubly true if the raccoon is still alive)

Trash bags

Anything with flu germs on it

Disappointment over a man's opinion

Licorice as jewelry

A necklace fashioned from the tape part of a VHS (although on the second thought, that sounds kinda cool)

Wasabi as eyeshadow

Sunscreen with an SPF of less than 30

A hat fashioned from pot roast scraps

Glass slippers (highly impractical)

Dead goldfish earrings

Someone else's dirty underwear

Underwire bras with broken wires (it feels like you're being constantly stabbed and it is TORTURE)