Empire: Gabourey Sidibe blogs 'Fires of Heaven'

Empire has officially returned for season 2, and Gabourey Sidibe – a.k.a. the ever outspoken Becky – will be blogging all of the drama week to week for EW. Read on for the actress’ latest entry as she blogs Wednesday’s episode, “Fires of Heaven.” Like what you see? Send feedback to us at @EW and to Gabourey at @GabbySidibe.

Yo! You down to get this recap or nah? The third episode of Empire is here and I watched the s— out of it and now I’m here to tell you about it because I love you and that s— is REAL!

So when we open the episode, DA and #1 Lucious Lyon Hater, Roxanne Ford, is talking to the press about how dangerous a criminal Lucious is and how he needs to be behind bars, even though the judge let him out on bail. Ma’am! You don’t know the half! Lucious has done so many terrible things that I can’t really remember what specific crime he was locked up for anyway! I just know he did it! And due to a stipulation of his bail, he’s not allowed to walk into the Empire offices! Really? You think that scares Lucious? He doesn’t need that building to keep making these fresh beats! He IS Empire! Also, if you’re not constantly staring at Roxanne Ford’s boobs, you’re watching the show the wrong way. Get it together.

Outside of the Empire offices, Lucious holds a press junket with current favorite son Jamal by his side, talmbout how he will never be kept down, yada yada. But he can’t go inside and Roxanne Ford is sitting in her car across the street to make sure he doesn’t. LOL! Soooo obsessed!

Meanwhile, Cookie is banging on Hakeem’s door to wake him up for an important interview because she’s a good mom. Hakeem is trying to hide his bong before opening the door because he’s a good son. It’s called HOME TRAINING! Cookie barges in and compares Hakeem’s work ethic to Jamal’s as Hakeem struggles to hide his morning wood while pulling his pants up. He tells her he’s not Jamal and then the reason for that morning wood walks out of his bedroom. He had a sleepover with the lead singer of his girl group because he makes great decisions! P.S. Hakeem has a beaded curtain in his doorway! A BEADED CURTAIN! This is what luxury looks like dammit!! Cookie tells him that his father has been released from jail. This doesn’t scare Hakeem at all even though it should since he leaked his own album online. But Hakeem is about bold moves! During his interview with Sway, he threw shade at Lucious and promised to deliver a single from his new girl group by the end of the week. See that?! BOLD MOVES! Cookie’s pissed though! She knows those girls aren’t ready!

But now it’s Awkward Family Dinner Time! All of the Lyons are present and hateful as ever. Cookie knows that Lucious has called everyone there to keep his enemy’s close but poor naive Jamal thinks that it’s to spend some quality time with them. It’s as if he didn’t watch season 1 at all! Come on man! Cookie says she’s surprised that Jamal isn’t Lucious’s No. 1 musical priority now that he’s out of jail. Pretty sure Jamal thought that would happen too but instead, Lucious has been setting him up with meetings with other producers! Jamal’s all “OTHER producers?! Eeeewwww.” Lucious tells them that he’s willing to forgive all of them for betraying him, if they shut down their new label, Lyon Dynasty. Cookie was like “Nah, fam.” But Lucious tells them all that they’re basically worthless without him and that Lyon Dynasty, is just a bunch of ex-Empire employees and ex-family members. Cookie tells him that she will always eat without him and then she pulls all of the food off the table because that’s how you make an exit!

Later, Lucious summons Anika over to club Laviticus. He thinks she’s still working with Cookie and Hakeem at Lyon Dynasty and he basically asks her to help him sabotage it! She asks him what he has in mind. Anika! You Poopface! During his next meeting, Lucious has lunch with Andre who still wants to get back into Empire. Lucious is like “Nah, fam.” He then tells Jamal to sign Freda Gatz! Remember her? She’s that rapping daughter of Frank Gathers! Problem is she’s kind of a thug. Jamal can’t sign her because she only wants to talk to the big boss. Even that fine ass Becky couldn’t convince Freda to sign with Empire. Lucious basically calls him a weakling and goes to get Freda Gatz himself with his new sidekick, Super Lawyer Thursty! Legit, I LOVE Thursty! He’s down for whatever! He’s like your crazy friend from college that you don’t talk to anymore but you still miss! She was fun but just too crazy.

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Anika’s next meeting was with Cookie! Anika tells her that Lucious tried to get her to help him sabotage Lyon Dynasty! YESSS Anika! I take back that nasty thing I said about you before! Your face is pretty! You know that. Anika also tells Cookie about Lucious’s Welcome Home party down at the club and then Cookie gets that look in her eye! You know the look!

At the party, Jamal and Pitbull are performing a club banger and Lucious is probably drunk and having the time of his life, when the music and lights are shut off and a troop of body guards storm the stage to allow Cookie to get up there and announce Hakeem! They took over the stage and the party!! And they brought Timbaland with them!!! THAT’S how you make an entrance!!! Cookie can teach you some things about coming and going! Hakeem throws all types of shade at Empire, Lucious and Jamal! It’s about to get real! This stunt gives Lyon Dynasty the street cred it needs.

Finally ready to share the news of what I’m sure is the antichrist, Andre tells Cookie that Rhonda is pregnant. Cookie tells him that the new baby will help him get back into the good graces of his father. Andre doesn’t want to use his unborn child in that way but then he does! He tells Lucious and then Lucious has a flashback to the weirdest/best birthday he’s probably ever had with his mom who’s … not well? Can I say she’s not well? Cuz she’s … not … well. BUT he got a harmonica! How can that be bad? Anyway, Lucious is disappointed that Andre would use a grandchild to get back into the Empire. Damn Andre! You can’t win!

Lucious and BFF Thursty go to a rap battle to get Freda Gatz. The battle gets rough and Freda gets to shooting and Lucious tries to stop her and get her to sign to Empire. To be fair, he wants to build a new part of the empire label around her. That’s nice and all but your sons need you LuLu! Jamal is in the studio rejecting producer after producer because what he really wants is for Cookie to produce his music. Becky has had it with the dramatics and tells him to just call Cookie already! Becky is so fine and smart! I love her. Jamal knows she’s right and talks to Lucious about it. Lucious tells him that he’ll produce his music himself. Jamal is happy with that as long as he’s his first priority.

But before that, Lucious runs into Roxanne Ford while leaving the battle/shoot-out. Roxanne tells him that her star witness to Lucious’ crime is hidden away. That star witness is Vernon! Ma’am. I know you don’t know this, so you don’t know that WE know this but Vernon is never going to testify against Lucious! He dead! You might want to just leave this whole case alone!

So it’s almost time for Hakeem’s girl group, Mirage à Trois, to perform their single on Sway’s radio show! After enduring Cookie’s Boot Camp, the girls are waiting for Valentina to arrive at the studio. She’s late. But Lucious isn’t! He walks in and announces that he has purchased the radio station! That’s baller but also its super bad news for Lyon Dynasty and all of their artists because Lucious will keep their songs off the radio! Oh NO!! But wait there’s more! In walks Valentina! The newest solo artist to sign to Empire!! Double Cross!!! Oh! You thought you could trust the girl who slept with Hakeem and kept talmbout being a solo artist? Lol. Nah, fam.