Author: mrshall2b

Ive never made a secret of having PND, well not since I decided to face up to it myself. I find almost every day questioning if im doing things right, if im doing okay, if im good enough, and the answer should always be yes!

My kids are thriving, they are learning all the time, becoming very independent and loving little humans. They never go without food, they have some gorgeous clothes, they get stuff when they need stuff, we always have heating and hot water, we have a huge amount of ‘stuff’ to keep them occupied. If my children need telling off they get told off. I get comments about how polite they are, how lovely they are so I must be doing something right. And although I know this I am clouded in self doubt! Do they really have enough stuff, should I be feeding them differently, do I spend enough time with them, do I teach them enough, has anyone else noticed the pinprick stain on my boys t shirt and think im a dirty lazy mum?

My son is very much a daddy’s boy at the moment and I cant help feeling like Ive done something to make him not want to know me. I know deep down thats stupid and all kids go through phases of being mummy & daddy’s kids but I cant help feeling im not good enough and my son knows that so doesn’t want to know me.

Im getting there, slowly. I’m realising how irrational some of my thoughts are and working through it. If you feel similar, you are not alone, and YES you are doing okay, actually you are doing great,

I havnt had brilliant pregnancies, but I love being pregnant. The feeling of my body growing a tiny human, someone who one day will have dreams and ambitions who will be their own little person. A little whirlwind of emotion. From a young age Ive always wanted to be a mum, to have my own little people to love. I love being a mum to my little ones. And now I have 3 I find that people expect that to be the end of it, however I am constantly broody, I long for that butterfly feeling of movements, seeing a foot or elbow poking out where it shouldn’t be, the scans and buying tiny baby clothes. I constantly have names going through my head, my current favorites are Indigo Reign, Sydney and river all of which are unisex names (and names my parter will more then likely hate) I dream about being pregnant, about that first emotion filled cuddle, the overwhelming feeling of my baby being born. The joy when they do their firsts, the nights when its just me & a tiny baby awake, snuggled up, talking to them about the world, making sure they know that no matter what path they choose in life I will support them.
Having postnatal depression has never effected the natural broodiness that I have and I don’t believe that anything ever will. However if my body lets me down next time I may have to take permanent actions meaning theres a possibility I wouldn’t have any more. I love having a busy house, the noise, the screaming, the laughing, even the squabbles and falling out, it reminds me of my childhood, I was one of 4 and every weekend we went to my nans and spent time with our cousins it was the most fun ever.

Well, I took a break from the blog as I mentioned before but in the time since a lot has changed.
We moved house, we now live in a village, with beautiful fields all around us, a cute little village shop, farms, woods, and its so so quiet. I am a real village girl Im not a fan of towns and busyness. It quiet and slow and I really feel like its home now. Really looking forward to Christmas and Halloween here.

We have also begun homeschooling Sassy, the local village school is full so with not having our own transport we didnt really have much choice. However we are really enjoying it, Sassys reading is coming along lovely and we have got Midge involved too and shes starting to form letters which is great. Sassy seems to be more motivated with maths than with english but shes happy to do most of it, weve also bought a french workbook as she wants to learn french. I love the fact that with home ed she can learn what she wants to learn meaning she is more motivated to learn it. We do a mixture of online work, paper workbooks, games, and make sure that normal everyday things also include learning. Also since homeschooling weve not had the dreaded nits! always a huge plus!

me- almost 27! loving the chaos of having 3 kids, homeschooling and looking after the house. Trying to reclaim a it more of myself and make an effort to do my make up (so many days I really cannot be bothered!) I am also doing driving lessons again (I failed the first time) and my instructor is looking at me doing my test in october, I am struggling with being confident enough though. On medication for PND, and starting to feel more days are good than bad.

Mr- almost a year since he gave up smoking, so proud of him, also really proud of how well hes settled into village life, because hes always been more of a town boy. Still not quite sure how he manages to put up with me but hey!

Sassy- 5, 6 next month. Crazy about all things girly, shes really struggling with the different parenting styles between our house and her dads. On top of being a difficult age where shes still so young but wants to be able to do things that older kids can do, shes very stubborn and very headstrong. she really is 5 going on 15!

Midge- 4. still dinosaur mad, shes recently begun to sing a lot which is so so cute! She makes up songs on the spot depending on what shes doing and loves telling her little brother that she loves him. She is a very loving girly and not as stubborn as Sassy.

Little L- 18 Months. hes Car mad! anything to do with cars he loves it. Hes a pretty easy kid, but he knows what he wants. He is very mischievous, He has no fear at all and loves play fighting with everyone.

Weve had an amazing few days this week! weve had OH’s 2 eldest kids staying with us from Tuesday to Friday which was brilliant! The kids have so much fun together and I love having a loud busy house. We knew it was going to be a few days of family outings, giving the kids memories that hopefully theyll treasure forever, the only place we where certain we would be visiting was the circus! I had never been to a circus, neither had the 3 youngest OH took the eldest 2 when they where very young although they do still remember it. I was so excited, possibly more so than the kids as I had viewed the website and read reviews.

we got an early bus into Newquay and went to the aquarium first, all the way round the conversation was peppered with ” when are we going to the circus?” ” is it time to go to the circus yet?” we finished up in the aquarium and went to the amusement arcades and got some lunch, then it was time to wait for our bus to the circus! On the way up the hill we could see the big top and the kids where so excited! I think the driver was relieved to get us off the bus as all 5 kids where babbling animatedly about what they may get to see in the tent (well the 1 year old was attempting to join in)

We qued up and went in, in the entrance was popcorn and candy floss, so I stayed in line for our goodies whilst OH & a couple of the littlies went to find seats. The popcorn was gorgeous and the candyfloss sticks where massive! The aroma was rather enticing and I could have spent so much money on the yummy snacks! As we where entering the tent Mr N and some of the other acts where greeting everyone and having pictures taken with the kids, I thought this was a lovely touch and makes the kids feel more connected with the whole show.
We got to our seats and sat down, the eldest 2 had adults sat in front of them and wernt able to see so they moved seats to the row in front. Once we where all sat and everyone could see we waited for the show to start.

There was an introduction which we enjoyed then the main show began. The acts where completely spell binding, the kids where mesmerized from the start, the only words uttered from their mouths where “wow” and “ohmygod!” for a whole hour! We all giggled like little kids at the jokes and some of them went over the younger ones heads but where appreciated by my partner and myself! The whole show was extremely glamorous the ladies outfits where stunning (as where the ladies wearing them!) and the guys all looked brilliantly polished. The outfits really bought the show together. Mr N was a brilliant act to take us seamlessly from one act to another, filling the gaps with real hearty laughter. Mr N was a brilliant showman, getting the audience involved at every point, getting us all joining in and playing along with him. All of the acts where so professional and you could see how much hard work had gone into the acts and the hours of practice they must have had.

I do believe that anyone visiting Cornwall over the summer should go see this. It leaves you feeling so happy even after you leave. They did a birthday shout out and we all sang happy birthday, nothing seems to be too much for them, they really seem to value their viewers and are happy to accommodate you.

Onto some pictures- Ive only included a few as I want you to go see it for yourself!

well Ive been absent for a while, Ive been moving house. And we now homeschool so things have been pretty busy. Our new house is a new build so when we moved in we had no flooring, the walls where bare, it was a complete blank canvas. we moved some of our furniture in and got rid of lots, we also bought new furniture as this place is much bigger and Little L now has his own room! we live in a small village now and I love it. Its completely beautiful, we are surrounded by fields and woods, gorgeous walks and loads of wildlife. As for hoeschooling im quite loving it. We have penpals from all over the UK, the girls are enjoying doing work here and Im loving seeing their progress. They will both actively ask for home work when they are board which is pretty awesome! However now that my partners 2 are on their school holidays we will be having them too so here begins 6 weeks of crazyness with between 2-5 kids at a time! I love the chaos of having a house full of kids, its what ive dreamed of since I was young. I will be reviewing some of our summer activities on here as well as doing some housey bits. But I am open to suggestions on what you would like to see on here

The highlight of 2016 for me was coming home with my beautiful baby boy last January.

Name one thing you are most likely to remember about 2016 if asked in five years?

How poorly I was after having my son

Sum up 2016 in one word.

Crazy

Name one pearl of wisdom from 2016 that you will carry with you through 2017.

Life is too short, family won’t be here forever.

Do you have any new year resolutions?

No, I don’t have the willpower to stick to any so I don’t make them!

How are you seeing in the new year?

I was watching the food channel and dozing on the sofa. We are a t-total house so no drinks, all the kids where in bed after little Ls birthday & I was feeling sorry for myself thinking about the last new year which was spent in hospital not being able to hold my baby.

What would you most like to do in 2017?

Move to a proper house with my family

What are your main goals for 2017?

Become more organised, I’m awful I often don’t get up until 20 minutes before we’d got to leave for school!

I spend so many nights rocking a baby who wakes every couple of hours, who since Christmas cries so much! He never used to be a crier but recently he is and his poo is yellow and chalky ish, he barely eats any food, he chucks everything on the floor & cries, the only thing he will eat are bisuits! He doesn’t like the feel of food on his hands so won’t eat it just throws it on the floor. He’s just started accepting orange juice (pure, watered down lots!)
The girls are both proper stubboutn little know it alls and are really challenging.

There’s been too many family deaths, we’ve lost 6 family members in 3 years. My partners mum was and always will be the hardest to bear. I only knew her for about 2 years but I lived with her for about 18 months of that. She was a second mum to me, a best friend, she stuck up for me when. I had social services involved because sassys dad felt the need to be spiteful and report me ( it was all closed real quick when they realised he was just being stupid)

My labour and what happened after has also ruined me, instead of embracing the fact that I survived and being thankful for that I get down and cry about the fact I almost died. Would anyone even have cared if I had? I still get nightmares about it, flashbacks and complete terrifying moments.

I’ve put on so much weight since having little L too, I used to be a little size 8-10 now I’m size 14-16 and I hate my body, I hate looking in the mirror, I crop myself out of photos because I cannot stand it. I hate my body so much.

ive always had people tutting at me because my youngest daughter is a tom boy, she loves mud, she loves digging, dinosaurs, puddles, trains and wearing wellies everywhere. As a baby she was a climber and still loves exploring. And often people would say to her “but your a girl, wouldn’t you rather play with dollies like sassy?” No she wouldn’t, she isn’t sassy she is midge a little girl who isnt overrun with love for pink & fluffy and that’s totally fine!! Now I have a boy I get it all over again.

Little L has pinched one of his sisters dolls, it’s a small doll and perfect size for him, he loves it. He carries it around & cuddles and kisses it. His sisters have never questioned this, there’s always been plenty of cars, dolls, balls, trains, ponies around even before him. Sassy does have moments where she’s picked up stuff from her grandma, she’s the first grandchild & very much a little princess…

Why shouldn’t my son play with a doll? One day he may be a daddy, o e day his partner may go to work whilst he stays home to look after the kid(s) he may loose his partner and be left with kids to look after. Hes currently obsessed with his daddy, as soon as daddy walks in the room his arms are up for a cuddle so why shouldn’t he imitate his own daddy.

Why shouldn’t boys have tea parties or teddy bears picnics, why shouldn’t boys push their dolls around in pushchairs, or carry them in a sling? My partner will drink teat with me (and hot milk/hot chocolate for the littlies) he also carries the kids around and pushes little L’s pushchair. My son and my daughter both imitate their dad, my eldest daughter is happy to imitate me and loves everything pink. As long as my kids are happy I don’t care what they play with.
Why when we are telling girls that they can be anything or do anything do people still say “oh but your a boy/girl you shouldn’t be playing with that” boys and girls can be anything they can do anything as long as they are alloud to be who they are without being shoehorned into a stereotype which they don’t feel comfortable in!

well my Christmas prep began last year as soon as Christmas 2015 was over. Buying up reduced gift sets for my siblings & mum (they will be separated out & put into hampers) and lots of reduced Christmas lights. We love christmas and the chance to go overboard decorating our house, our house is currently covered in cobwebs, spiders, skeletons and other spooky stuff and my clever partner bought a projector so from outside you can see ghosts & other spooky things floating around moving & screaming.
I started buying the kids gifts in the sainsburys sale, every year I try to take advantage of sales which are on in various places. Everywhere has sales on currently for half term. Last year the Asda toy sale was brilliant and I got really good bargains.

The thing which I get really excited about though is Christmas dinner! I love christmas dinner & I love the chance to show off my cooking skills. Last year because my due date was Christmas day I didn’t want to be messing around on the run up to the day so I ordered a hamper from http://www.musclefood.com it totally saved my day! And was completely gorgeous. It contained everything we needed. The turkey was massive and we had loads of leftovers to munch on boxing day (crusty roll, turkey, pigs in blankets & stuffing with cranberry sauce makes the nicest boxing day lunch EVER!!) And this year we will be doing the same! This year we will be going for the turkey breast hamper aswell as lots of extra pigs in blankets because they are so lush!
Through the last couple of months every time there’s an ‘odd’ in our bank accounts I move it over to a savings account which I’ve been keeping for Christmas. So if there was £26 id move the £6 to savings, £71 id move the £1 across, it all adds up and Its something i plan on keeping up. With 5 kids between us to buy for this time of year gets expensive!
How do you prep for Christmas?
Nothing was provided for this post, I just found these places a great help in Christmas prep!

I recently lost my gramps, he was an amazing man. A strong Welshman who adored music and laughing. He never took anythibg too seriously and would do anything for anyone. The post I did waaay back transforming our old desk with coloured tape, well he made that a long time ago.

He was an electrician in the navy. Serving our country. He taught me to tie my shoe laces, he taught me & my siblings& cousins to use bean cans to weight lift. He started loosing his sight a long time ago but fully lost it 5 years ago, he never saw my kids only heard them. He only met little L once. Little L wouldn’t stop smiling at him though and that’s a sentiment we all shared, he always made us smile.