6/16/2011

Will New York Stop Being an Embarrassment Over Gay Marriage?:Republican New York Senator Roy McDonald finally snapped when it came to voting on same-sex marriage rights. "You might not like that. You might be very cynical about that. Well, fuck it, I don’t care what you think. I’m trying to do the right thing," he said in agreeing to vote for the legislation that has already passed the Assembly. "I’m tired of Republican-Democrat politics. They can take the job and shove it. I come from a blue-collar background. I’m trying to do the right thing, and that’s where I’m going with this."

And that, dear, dear readers, is where we are politically in not only this state, but in the entire nation. All it takes to be heroic in these grimy times is to say that "Everyone knows what the right thing is, so why the fuck not do it?"

It seems like a no-brainer that New York, which has a not-insignificant portion of its economy based on the artistic efforts of gays and lesbians, would legalize same-sex marriage. But because Neanderthal retardation is what animates Republicans, a bill has failed here twice. Now, with just a couple of days left in the legislative session, mighty pressure is being exerted on a couple of "moderate" Republicans in the GOP-controlled Senate to make the Empire State the sixth one to say, "Hey, you know that shit in the Constitution about laws applying equally? We actually mean it."

Of course, dicks will dicks, even if they're not Weiners. New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan, who has previously said that celibacy means abandoning "all genital expression, alone or with others, male or female, in thought, word, and deed," so his balls are so engorged with backed-up semen that he's walking around with throbbing cantaloupes between his legs, wrote on his blog (which means that, yes, the Archbishop of the Catholic Church of New York has a blog), "Last time I consulted an atlas, it is clear we are living in New York, in the United States of America – not in China or North Korea. In those countries, government presumes daily to 'redefine' rights, relationships, values, and natural law. There, communiqués from the government can dictate the size of families, who lives and who dies, and what the very definition of 'family' and 'marriage' means."

As Queerty points out, it's odd for Dolan to warn us to fear becoming Asian. The Rude Pundit is disturbed that a number of Catholics follow a man who needs an atlas to establish what country he's in. Hell, Google Earth that shit.

In a mind-blowing tautology, Dolan posits about the legalization of gay marriage, "If you do, you are claiming the power to change what is not into what is, simply because you say so. This is false, it is wrong, and it defies logic and common sense." Whoa, the Rude Pundit's gonna need some 'shrooms here for this one. Wait. Wait. Okay. So, marriage simply is, it just exists as a man-woman thing, in some a priori state, a definition before words existed or were even defined by humans. But if you change what-is-not into what-is, then it-is, not is-not. Aw, man, that's deep...ly fucked. We change shit all the time. Hey, look, women and black people aren't property. Boom. We changed something that was into what it wasn't to redefine it and make it better.

Dolan offers us a warning: "If you think this paranoia, just ask believers in Canada and England what’s going on there to justify our apprehensions." Yes, we've all heard about the streets of Calgary filled with rioting gay-married people, burning down the churches that aren't legally obligated to perform the ceremonies. It's a nightmare. In your mind. So, yes, it is paranoia.

Maybe one more Republican Senator will have the guts of Roy McDonald, even if this is on something that should take no guts at all, just the sense that the inevitable march of history is on your side.