I used to be skinny and wimpy like a donkey's tail. I used to be as weak as liberals are on national security. Then one glorious day, I slipped on this shirt. Suddenly, all the squat racks emptied when I walked into the gym. No one wants to be embarrassed...

Check out "Teddy Swolesevelt". He's one of three men featured in our Pumped Politician Line of t-shirts. George Washinguns and Donald Pump round out the trio. Quickly ladies...you have to f one, marry one, and kill one. Go.

The part of the cherry tree story that history has forgot is that George Washington was really prepping his guns for a strong man competition. When you go to sleep at night, you're resting on the George Washinguns that built this great country.

If you're going to the gym for any other reason than an excuse to consume All-American treasures like bacon and beer, you're doing it wrong. Make sure everyone in that boot camp class knows you mean business. Beer, burpees, bacon -- the real business.

Pump up the jam in the gym with this tank top reference to the king of '90s body-positivity. You can do side bend or sit ups, but please, please don't lose that butt. Sir Mix-A-Lot would be proud of that squat, girl.