The January Vogue is on stands now and boooooyyyy are there some goodies within its emaciated 190-pages! (For starters: "The New Safari", lots of rich people, and Kate Hudson, all of which Moe and I will blog about on Monday). But what initially caught our eye was a strange, six-page, front-of-book ad campaign for Valentino, shot by Inez & Vinoodh and featuring models (including Shalom Harlow?) styled to look like a cross between a Hitchcock movie, Cousin It and the twins from Kubrick's The Shining (albeit all grown-up and clad in couture). After the jump, we supply the captions — completely and arbitrarily lifted straight from the dark mind of Edward Gorey — Valentino ad execs should have included.

At whist drives and strawberry teas / Fan would giggle and show off her knees/ But when she was alone / She'd drink eau de cologne / And weep from a sense of unease

There was a young lady named Rose / Who fainted whenever she chose / She did so one day while playing croquet / But was quickly revived with a hose

There's a rather odd couple in Herts / Who are cousins (or so each asserts) / Their sex is in doubt / For they're never without / Their moustaches and long, trailing skirts

Having made a remark rather coarse / A young lady was seized with remorse / She fled the room, and later, a groom / Saw her rolling about in the gorse