Cashless in Splitsville

When it comes to divorce, women have historically gotten the short end of the financial stick. Historically, wives have earned less than husbands, taken on more unpaid childcare duties and are less involved with household finances—all of which is exacerbated in divorce. A recent U.S. Census report found that 23 percent of women who divorced in the past 12 months were more likely to receive public assistance, compared with just 15 percent of divorced men. The report also showed that 27 percent of recently divorced women made less than $25,000 per year, compared with 17 percent of men.

As many wise people have said, sometimes you have to go through it to get it. Here are five women who learned some valuable money lessons from their own breakups.

Sign on the dotted line

Nikki Thompson, of St. Louis, learned the hard way about the importance of having both partners’ names on all-important documents. Since her ex-husband was self-employed, most of the couple’s debt obligations were in her name. “Even though you created the debt equally during marriage, if you signed the documents, you are responsible, and creditors will come after you and not necessarily your ex-spouse,” Thompson says. “I had so many creditors who were after me, and I eventually had to file bankruptcy in order to continue to care for myself and children.”

The devil’s in the details

Sometimes it is the little, overlooked details that can be problematic. Tracy Bagatelle Black, 44, of Santa Clarita, California, faced lost work just because some utilities were in her husband’s name, and the services required his permission to change them. She worked from home at the time and couldn’t afford to go without service. “Because my Internet carrier, which was in my name, was somehow using the phone cables, which were in his name, I had to turn off Internet just to change the bill name,” Black says. “And the Internet carrier said it could take up to two weeks to get my Internet up and running again.”

Nice gals finish last

Debi Goldben, 53, of Ocala, Florida, did not pursue her ex-husband’s obligation in the home equity debt the couple had accumulated—and later, she paid the financial price. She originally opted to let him off the hook for the home equity loan because she was worried about his well being. “I was making more and didn’t want the kids to lose their dad,” says Goldben. “He now has a great job making more than he ever made when we were married and raising two kids. Due to the economy, our adult children now live with me, and he sees no reason to help.”

Get what you’re worth

When Amanda Starrick, 38, of Atlanta, divorced in 2009, she realized her state’s law, which entitled her to 50 percent of what the couple acquired since marrying, would have left her strapped. The stock market crash had depleted the couple’s investments, and the fact that her ex made three times her salary meant she would be forced into a reduced standard of living. “I went in to the mediation session and said, ‘On paper I may be entitled to X, but I want a lot more because that is what is fair, and if the economy were different I would get a lot more. Plus, you make a lot more,’” Starrick says. “‘It was your idea to get married and your idea to get divorced, and here’s what you pay, [jerk].’”

Starrick documented her income and expenses, showing that if she were to only get what she was entitled to, she would be “living in a tiny apartment, sweating the rent each month.” In the end, Starrick received double what the state would have allotted her. “There is no reason for a woman in this day and age to be placed in a lower class through divorce,” she says. This sum afforded her a down payment on a condo and the ability to live within reasonable comfort. “It didn’t get nasty because he knew I had a legitimate claim—it wasn’t like I said I needed $100 per month for cat massages.”

Know what you’re getting into

Caitlin Kelly, of Tarrytown, New York, learned the value of a prenuptial agreement when her physician husband walked out on her when she was unemployed—and her family was back in her home country of Canada. “Women have no idea how vicious men can be when they don’t want to be married to you anymore,” says the 54-year-old freelance writer and author of Malled: My Unintentional Career in Retail. “They’re not that dewy-eyed guy at the alter.” She had gotten a “very tough prenup” after knowing her ex-husband for five years pre-marriage and his family’s cavalier attitude toward divorce, she says. “I knew that doctors trade up—every step of their career, they get a new wife or girlfriend,” she says. “I didn’t think my marriage had a great chance of lasting.”

So while she was penniless, she immediately got the alimony and the apartment they owned per the terms of their agreement. “I loved him deeply but enough with the gauzy sentimentality,” Kelly says. “A lot of women are very stupid when it comes to getting married, and now how many women are struggling financially?”

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Emma Johnson
is an American journalist, blogger, radio host, author and media personality. She is best known for her blog Wealthysinglemommy.