Monday, February 22, 2010

If you were in the metro St. Louis area on Saturday, you got a taste of Spring. It was in the upper 50s, abundant sunshine, and clear skies. Of course it was just a tease, because Sunday was cold and rainy, with a forecast of more cold the rest of the week.

The days are getting longer (which is nice when the sun decides to shine). Change is coming, and it's making me antsy. The stores are filled with bright seasonal colors on everything from Easter baskets to outdoor furniture. Soon the grey skies and brown grass will be replaced with bright blues and greens. I, for one, cannot wait.

I guess the anticipation is driving my mood lately. I'm looking around my house and seeing things I want to update. I want to paint our foyer to brighten it up, and replace the boring (but otherwise functional) beige shower curtain. Out with the gloomy and old - in with the shiny and new!

Maybe because I'm an instant-gratification person, and all the other changes aren't getting here fast enough, so putting up a coat of paint will appease my desire for a little while.

Maybe because I know change is coming on other fronts. Events in March and April are going to change the course of my life for better or worse.

I found out today that our criminal trial date may be continued to April 26th. You know, because we've been waiting TWO. EFFING. YEARS. What's another 30 days, really? (By the way, the previous line was written using sarcasm font.)

I guess I knew this had to happen, because after my last post, I felt better. I was ready to face the trial and ready to move forward. It never fails that when I come to grips with the situation, the situation changes.

So, what's a girl to do?

All I can do is laugh. And drink. Considering I have no wine on me right now, I'll have to laugh. This picture always makes me smile.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

One of my favorite movies is Chicago. Jessica bought it for me when it came out on DVD. She said "you're gonna love this, Mom." And I did. The story, the dancing, the singing - amazing stuff.

Although my favorite number is Cell Block Tango, I am becoming a bigger fan of I Can't Do It Alone. Because I know the feeling.

The last time I watched it was Thanksgiving night, 2007. Maddy and I got comfy in my bed, put in the DVD, and sent Kelli goofy text messages while she was upstairs getting her hair ready for her dad's family pictures the following day. Around 11pm, Kelli came down to watch Cell Block Tango, her favorite part. I told her that her hair looked nice, and she said thanks, and then she said good night and went upstairs to bed. That was the last time I saw her.

I haven't watched it since. I couldn't. All it did was remind me of that day.

A couple of weekends ago, I watched it again. I was okay. Sure, I thought of Kelli during Cell Block Tango, but it was all good.

After Jessica and Kelli died, I found myself avoiding certain movies, music, books, even stores. Too many memories. Every once in a great while I'd try to stick it out instead of changing the radio station, but crying while driving isn't a good idea.

This year, I knew I needed to start steeling myself against those emotions. The trials are looming and I've got to be strong. These next two months are going to be hell.

I've got an incredible family and numerous friends who will be there with me, whether in person or in spirit. I can't do it alone, and I'm blessed that I don't have to.

Friday, February 5, 2010

When last we spoke, I alluded to a few things that might or might not be happening that I might or might not be able to discuss. Clear as mud, right?

I can tell you that I am working with FocusDriven, an organization dedicated to saving lives and preventing injuries and deaths caused distracted driving, by eliminating cell phone use while driving. The officer who hit my daughters was on his phone with his girlfriend, emailing on his on-board computer and using his car radio seconds before slamming into their car at 126 mph. Suffice it to say this cause is close to my heart.

I am also still working with Pursuit Safety, an organized dedicated to changing law enforcement policies by imposing speed limits on officers involved in pursuit, and clearly defining situations in which pursuit is necessary. They have added Jessica and Kelli's pictures and story to their marketing and promotional materials.

Finally, I can tell you that we will be going to trial on March 22, 2010 for the criminal charges. He is charged with two counts of reckless homicide and two counts of aggravated reckless driving.

We will be hoping, praying and fighting for the justice and closure we have been waiting on for two years, two months and 13 days (and counting).