What happened while you were away? Tell, I'll tell you… In our new community Soap opera!

Anyone can join in and write whatever they like, with DD people as the characters. Just try and loosely follow the continuity. Each week instalments will be read on the Quackcast- Anyone can do the readings! Even multiple people and we can cut them together!

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The story thus far…

Skoolmunkee had Bravo's baby, but then she cheated on him with Lonnehart. he found out and took the baby away to raise it as a single parent in Barbados.

But his evil twin brother Ironscarf tracked him down and stole the baby and Bravo's moustaches, leaving Bravo utterly bereft and dejected.

Meanwhile, Ironscarf impersonated Bravo and got Skoolmunkee to take him back (thinking he was Bravo). The baby started to speak however and was about to spill the beans on Ironscarf, when he thrust it into a time machine and sent it into the past to keep it quiet.

Ayesinback, a wealthy heiress of the lichenbacher chewingum billions, schemed to take a controlling interest in drunk duck with the help of the evil Ironscarf, but her daughter Rokulily foiled her plans with the assistance of her mysterious Latin lover, Product Placement. But it turned out that Product Placement wasn't Latin at all! He was actually part of a secret terrorist Icelandic plot, involving his fellow countryman Gulas, their sole goal being to kidnap Skoolmunkee and make her the queen of all Iceland!

But in a crazy twist they mistakenly kidnapped Hippie Van instead. Hippie has been queen of Iceland for 5 months now.

Oh, and in an even crazier twist, it turns out that I was in fact the baby that was sent back in time! I only doscovered it the other day when I suddenly went bald in the same place as Bravo, and grew a pair of boxing gloves. That's right, SKoolmunkee is my real mother and Bravo is my dad!DUN DUN DUN!-Do I go back in time to try and stop Ironscarf? Why would they bother making skoolmunkee queen of Iceland? isn't she already queen of the entire world?Empress Niccea had an epic battle with the most evil man in the world, Roy Duncan and learned along the way that she was the illegitimate lovechild of both skoolmunkee and Ozoneocean! Gahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!Genejoke and Macattack have a horrible scheme cooked up to curtail DD's butter supplies and force us all to use margarine! Oh noes!!!!!

Skoolmunkee is the most desirable candidate to be the queen of Iceland for one reason; she has the power to manipulate water… when it's frozen.

Ten years ago, a mild mannered young girl by the name of Kee M. Unskool was the star of her high school synchronized swimming team. While practicing in the school's pool, a Czechoslovakian shaman by the name of RPGrenade appeared to her in a vision. “Thou shalt be the defender of all things comprised of two parts hydrogen, one part oxygen,” said the mysterious Czechy in a “ye olde” english manner. But this blessing had a curse; a fine print, if you will! Young Kee would only be able to manipulate water if it were in a frozen state! And from that day forward, Kee cleverly made an anagram out of her name and became the uncanny Skoolmunkee!

However, Skoolmunkee's gifts would soon be noticed by those with malicious intent. The prime minister of Iceland, El Cid, commissioned his two finest retainers to track down and seize our hydrolicious heroine; Product Placement and Gullas. It made perfect sense… with Skoolmunkees frozen-water-kinesis, Iceland would soon become the major military force in the world! The only reason they mistakenly kidnapped Hippie Van instead, was because Hippie dressed up in a monkey costume and visited the Sea World amusement park.

Meanwhile, Professor Genejoke and Count Macattack are plotting away on the dreaded, “Harkovast MK-II” airship; an airborne battle station so powerful and feared, they say the legendary Volte, “Knight of Alcoholic Fowl,” was no match for it. No doubt, the world is in great peril. But the plot thickens! Because as Professor Genejoke crafts his plots, the “Harkovast MK-II” is being infiltrated by the ace detective, Maxwell McDu– *cough* I mean, NickyP, and his trusty hot sidekick with totally big boobs, Pit_Face.

Little do NickyP and Pit_Face know, but Pit has amnesiitis, which is a rare (and mildly contagious) disease which makes you forget everything every couple of months. This is significant because in order to become NickyP's assistant, she had to compete in a brutal beauty/gladiatorial contest. She was only in fifth place, having the fifth most biggest boobs, but somehow acquired her new pair just in time for the swimsuit/obtacle course competition. This enraged the other competitors, especially the previously-in-first-place contestant, seventy2. He vowed to find out where they came from (possibly stolen???) and exact his revenge, but Pit_Face has forgotten all about it. The only person who could help her is her next-door-neighbor Lonnehart, who she doesn't remember, and who doesn't recognize her in her altered form. Instead he's been spying on her because he thinks she's murdered his neighbor Pit_Face and started living in her house, eating her snacks and running up the electricity bill.Meanwhile, Gunwallace and Abt_Nihil are in a dim and cluttered warehouse, looking through crates for something, when Gunwallace shines his flashlight in a dark corner and then screams.

This was where Pit_face had become overly boobically enhanced in such a short space of time. One prick from the thorn of the boob tree and you sprout a massive pair. It was just such a terrible shame that Gunwallce had fallen in the crate… Full-body boobage is a very hard condition to cope with, especially with someone like Abt_Nihl around. Abt was torn between the twin emotions of uncontrollable lust and unrestrained hysterical hilarious mirth. Poor Gunwallace flapped his prodigious facial baps in furious indignation…

Meanwhile, up on the Harkovast MK-II, Harkovast cackled and rubbed his paws together… “READ HARKOVAST” he shouted in a great feline roar… Count Macattack and professor Genejoke ignored him and continued to plot away generically.

Pit face and Nicky P penetrated deeper into the warm, moist, cavernous interior of the Airship, inching through the air-conditioning ducts, Pit face continually getting stuck and having to be pulled through by Nicky P due to her oversized chestal region.

Unbeknownst to them The dogged Lonnehart is hot on on their trail, vowing to solve the mystery of what happened to Pitface…

Unbeknownst to all of them, Seventy2 is hot on ALL their tails in his thirst for revenge at suddenly being out-boobed at the last minute. He hates everything related to Pit Face and has vowed to extract his revenge, even on her neighbours and friends…

Not only is Seventy2 determined to catch Pit_Face, but to destroy all the boob-creating warehouses with boob trees he can find and thus needs her to reveal the place of her boobification. Then he shall extract his revenge as he had been the greatest boob job surgeon, but has been run out of business, and to save face and keep paying allemony to UsedBooks as well as his mistresses' Darwin's pad he must restore his clientele.

But little does he know that he has a terrible rival in the face of Bravo, who needs the warehouse to make his fortune so he can make the ultra time machine to go back and stop the evil Ironscarf from sleeping with the voluptuous Schoolmunkee, and also try his luck in modelling army-print underwear.

Meanwhile, Nicky P is finding that Pit_Face in her condition is terribly difficult to hide, and he decides to go on a daring attempt to disguise her and him, while they plan to use the time mashine to escape to Ephesus where Pit is bound to be worshipped as the goddess Diana with the innumerable boobs, since in the havoc of screaming and flying around in the dark, she was pushed against the boob tree a couple more times, which she had forgotten all about. Nicky realised the hard way in the airship that some boob tree thorns have slow reaction effects.

PP is in league with Gullas to kidnapskoolmunkee and make her Icelandic queen (because skool can manipulate water,when it’s frozen). The kidnap is commissioned by El Cid (Iceland’s Prime Minister), but goes awry when PP & Gullas mistakenly kidnap Hippie Van instead.

Aboard Harkovast’s airship, Genejoke and Macattack, not knowing they have been infiltrated by NickyP and big-boobed PIT_FACE, plot to curtail DD’s butter supplyso that we are all forced to use margarine. Macattack fervently believes in the cause: “I’m only doing it for the sakes of the obese children of the future!!!!” Genejoke has no response. Product Placement has announced that Macattack, as an advocate of margarine, is hisenemy. Macattack scoffs: you and what Icelandic army?

PIT_FACE, with purportedly amazingendowment, has devastated seventy2 in a boob contest, but she does not rememberthis contest due to amnestitis. Lonnehart (skool’s sometimes squeeze) could help Pit because he’s been spying on her, but he’s been spying on her only because he suspects her of murdering his neighbor. (who is this “neighbor”? I'm pretty sure it's Hawk.)

Seventy2 is obsessed with finding out how Pit out-boobed him. He must find the boobsecret as he owes alimony to usedbooks plus rental upkeep to his mistressDarwin. But it’s a race to the boob secret since Bravo also wants the discovery so he can finance a time trip where he can prevent his twin, Ironscarf, from seducing the love-of-his-life, skoolmunkee(that, and starting a military modeling career).

Meanwhile, Abt_Nihil and Gunwallace are snooping around in a warehouse, and Gunwallace discovers the boob tree — the source of Pit’s endowment and,to Gunwallace’s surprise, his own.

Back at the ranch, located deep within an Idaho cavern, Harkovast smiles the smile of a consummate g-u-y, and rejoices that all is going well on his campaign. Having renewed his ad supscription for the neon aircraft banner (READ HARKOVAST), gENEJOKE AND mACATTACK BRING ONLY MORE SMILES. Macattack continues to confound the populace with dire warnings of butter-caused zits while Genejoke negotiates with RPGgrenade to create an irrefutable and irresistible Deflation Cocktail(knowing - what goes up, will come down)even though hARK, mACATTACK AND Genejoke remain unaware of the pending attack from NickyP and theinflated PIT_FACE, an attack that could occur at any moment.

Hark bellows over to Tantz Aerine, mid ouzo-sip, to get the latest on usedbooks’s alimony suit and whether or not she will broadcast the photos she has of seventy2 in ballet costume necking with an ostrich. Usedbooks, meanwhile, is distracted with the love poems received from Same (aka A Reaver) – she didn’t know he couldspell! Same is spinning out webs for anyone who will grasp, a-grieved that his one true wuv, Ochitsukanai, has been trapped within a dream of her own description.

Infanta Empress Niccea, combing through her parents' time travel records, finds an entry for Gunwallace, and begins an obsessive desire to own him - not knowing about the boob tree. Furthermore, she confuses Gullas for Gunwallace.

Meanwhile, ayesinback, still receiving correspondence from her ninja, Banes, is contained in a cell by rokulily, who is garbed in a faux leather(cuz she’s all about the PETA cause, if not its methods) dominatrix suit (well, yeah, with sneakers instead of boots)that she got from PP when vacationing in Rio. Rokulily, laughing maniacally, tellsayesinback she won’t be released until ayes finishes her Secret Santa gift. and then some.

But then, an unexpected calamity occurs that throws everyone's plans and hopes for a loop:

The Boobonic Plague!

The CDC is in bafflement as people start randomly sprouting a humongous pair, be they man or woman. The spunky hot shot, brilliant researcher Nicotine and her trusty FBI agent Lance Danger that has been brought in to control the outbreak start trying to trace the origins of the plage before everyone is endowed more than Pamela Anderson. Little do they know that the magic boob trees are now in their period of renewal, and are starting to throw deadly pollen and thorns into the air, since they have bloomed with odd nipple line blossoms. The plague is inevitable and hits the unknown populace…

Unbeknownst to the CDC or anyone else for that matter the Boobonic Plague and the Boob trees are all the work of that great mad scientist and Bravo's eminintly evil twin brother Ironscarf and the next most evil man in the DDiverse Royduncan.

BUt considering that Ironscarf and Bravo have never been seen in the same room at the same time is there something even more sinister afoot than the conquest of Iceland for margarine, and a plague of massive mammeries?

It turns out Ozoneocean has inherited his mothers powers of frozen water manipulation and goes on an epic journey to learn to master his new found powers. Skoolmunkee is unable to teach him much of the powers due to other responsibilities. off goes Ozone in search of a better teacher while muttering about neglect, he stubles across a crazy man with a wild stare who calls himself Kyupol. Kyupol sees inside Ozones soul and tell him that he his destined to stop the boobonic plague, but only if he can master his powers.

Suddenly Pitface looks around at everything that is all too unfamilar. Her illness has struck again and her memory has flown. But where the heck did she get these mammalia? Why are there boobs everywhere?

And what is that disembodied voice that keeps asking inane quesitons about plot points she has no memory of? She clicked off the safety of her Gegundus Big-ass Gun Mark 1000 and started shooting.

Just as Harkovast's massive Zeppelin leaves the ground a tiny barb from a Boob plant hits it. Gigantic breasts appear on the nose of the zeppelin completely obscuring the massive “READ HARKOVAST” logo on the side leaving only the letters “VAST”

Harkovast fumes in the cockpit of his dirigible as a barb hits him and his breast plate is torn asunder by a sextet of teats. “There are times I hate being a cat.”

Tantz realizes it's time to end this storyline and pulls out a panzerfaust she had stolen from the prop room of Mask of the Aryans. She aims it squarely at one of the breasts of Hark's vast zeppelin and fires the anti-tank missile into it. It explodes in flames looking exactly like a Led Zeppelin album cover. She presses the button on the CD sound system and Zep IV begins blasting over speakers several meters tall that also have suddenly sprouted large mammalia.

And that was her grave mistake, because the particular CD had been a mix made by Pit Face, Ant Comics and kyupol, and no sooner had it begun blaring through the speakers, that Nuclear Assault began blasting through the ethers– the beginning of the end…

that it began to cause the devastating plague's active Boobification substance to CORRUPT INTO…

The Grand Testiculusitis.

Everyone within earshot now sprung a NEW pair, quite a bit more spherical and fuzzy, in their nether regions. “Oh no!” Tantz cried in her newly acquired masculine baritone. “WHO THE HELL CHANGED THE TAPE FROM CELINE DION?”

How did things go so quickly from gloriously awesome to utterly horrible???

Shhhh! (let them confound each other with their once private parts – we see already how endlessly fascinated they become. And while they are busy with the tape measurers, WE can get on with The Plans. I see Kroatz, the discoverer of the Bravo Bug, is back in town . . .)

“So RPG, I can call you RPG?” Genejoke asked RPG Grenade who nodded with difficulty under both a pair of breasts and a spare set of testicles hanging under his chin like the rubber ones that hung under the tow hitch of the Ford F-150 pick-up they were hiding under.“We have got to stop all this stuff popping up.” RPGrenade replied. He handed Genejoke the aeresol can labeled Deflation Cocktail.“I jsut spray it into the air and all the balls and boobs caused by those plants and the CD mix go away?”RPGrenade nodded again, spat out the extra pair of balls. “Yeech. Yeah and we can end another silly subplot. Who comes up with these things?”“I think it's blackmail by the Greek government to get cash from the IMF.”“You mean?”“Yes, they unleased the silly Tantz.”Genejoke emptied the can's contents into the air from the shelter of the jacked up Ford F-150 pick-up and all the excess boobs and balls went away in a twinkle of an eye.Tantz Aerine turned back to her keyboard and racked her brilliant but twisted mind to come up with another plan to have secondary or primary sexual characteristics sprout up out of nowhere.

Meanwhile, Bravo squeezed himself into his custom Volkswagen Beetle pick-up. The Bravo Bug was ready to roll.

Feeling frustrated that the blackmail was NOT interpreted properly, Tantz did rush to her keyboard, this time to just type out a disclaimer: “GUYS… it was blackmail by the PEOPLE to just let the Greeks kick out the IMF and their stooges and be LEFT ALONE.”

It was then, while she was thinking of a way to disseminate the message, that her glance fell on a giant billboard paid by Harkovast saying READ HARKOVAST and featuring interesting furries.

Within her tank she typed up her orders, then leaned back and watched, as innumerable cute white fez-wearing goats with the message of “Loans already paid 3-fold, Sod Off” start swamping the terrain. Going super sayan has a great effect to Pit-Face too: her amnestitis is CURED… and suddenly she remembers EVERYTHING.

It might even begin interfering with the ever-popular and notorious Bravo Bug, let alone the nefarious plans of Ironscarf and his gang…

Meanwhile in the warehouse Gunwallace sighs contentedly as his boobs disappear as a pleasant scent wafts through the air. Abt_Nihil sits down disgusted that he totally missed the boobonic plague. He reaches out to pet one of the fez wearing goats that have strayed in and are eating up all the boob bushes.

Deep in his underground lair Ironscarf rubs his hands in glee and then puts his pinky tothe side of his smiling mouth. “I have them all just where I want them!” He snaps his finger and Lonneheart runs up wearing an eyepatch and hands Ironscarf a huge red button. Ironscarf puts his pinky to his mouth again and presses the red button.

Abt_Nihil looks in terror as each and every goat, having eaten all the Magic Boob Trees suddenly stop in mid chew, and their eyes turn red. A hatch opens in their back and the sign about paying the debt drops away replaced by a 7.62 mm minigun. Unbeknownst to Tantz and nearly everyone else except seventy-two who is powerless to do anything stuck as he is in a trunk in the Marianas Trench and Ayesinback who is trying desperately to escape Roikilly's dungeon with Banes, Ironscarf had secretly converted each and every one of the cute fluffy goats in the Dreaded BATTLE GOAT.

Banes removes his push-up bra in disgust, his boobs having gone away. Ayesinback runs for the nearest exit hoping to warn the world of the impending attack of the BATTLE GOATs. As she reaches the surface she realizes she is too late.

However, Pit_Face smiles in glee as all the BATTLE GOATs have truly made her surroundings a target-rich enviornment. She switches her Gegundus 1000 gun to fully-super-duper extra automatic and opens fire yelling “Goat hunting season is now open!”

Meanwhile in a deert somewhere far away form everything else Ozoneocean looks up at the horizon to see a goat with a machine gun sticking out of its back.

Kyupol waves his finger in the air. “The Ironscarf conspiracy!” He says as he recieves the psychic transmission from seventy_two deep in his trunk in the Marianas Trench.

Ozone shakes his head and mumbles, “What this story needs are mecha-giant robots.” Minigun bullets start impacting all around him and he dives for cover behind the large fingers the richoceting bullets have revealed beneath the sand.

“Wait a cottonpicking minute! These are giant fingers!” He exclaims and he begins to dig down into the sand and discovers the cockpit of a giant robot.

Gawd this story is truly an epic…I forget to get around to it in the most recent Quackcast, but I'm not sure if I know a good way to read it out and still make it sound cool, any suggestions?-Open to offers for other people to read it and record themselves doing it :)