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Wednesday, 6 February 2008

I'm so scared on the one hand, and everything feels so right on the other...

When we moved back to Brighton, it seemed less of a choice and more of an understanding that it was time, it was going to happen.

I found the perfect job, we found the perfect house (albeit more than three times the rent of our last place) Mark found work within five minutes of the house... and the school for our eldest was perfect, even after home schooling...so I accepted that a very unexpected pregnancy had to be perfect too.

Now I am here, same sensations again, terrified of what I want to acheive and financially worried. The gift a new life has been in our family is amazing...my heart is hoping for the same success with following my instincts and opportunities into doing what I want to do creatively, in the hope that somehow it will lead us to financial sustenance.

I'm actually scared of financial success though, even financial comfort...I've never known it...the thought of it makes me feel vulnerable.

I'm living comfortably now, but I'm constantly borrowing from my future self to acheive it...I'm not sure how to allow it to change, perhaps more accurately, I'm not sure how it will change if I allow it... When/As I allow it!! not if!!!

Monday I did my first reading in about three years, a mini reading at least, It had not been my intention to read but my youngest pulled out a mini deck I have and proceeded to distribute it all over our bedroom, so I went with it, voiced my desires and concerns and collected a ten card spread. Very positive indeed, and quite different from the usual for me.

I do more often take a card for the day from uniqueambrosia at http://www.users.bigpond.com/cordslayer/PAGES/reading.htm(also listed in Everyday Nourishment to the left) Which is where the lovely surrender image above is from...it's my second card for today, and here is the cards meaning.

The inner battle to maintain control of your circumstances is futile.Your spirit is calling out to you to surrender for it knows the way and wants to guide you. What is it that has you so afraid? Surrender is all that is required. Let go, let things take their natural course. You are safe

And this was my first card

And it's meaning:

The key to achieving and fulfilling your true life purpose lies in mastering yourself. This requires conscious understanding of the person that you are. It also requires you to heal the limitations that stop you from becoming the entirity of your potential. Are you prepared to do this? This is the question you are now facing for the purpose of using your power of choice to get you to where you really want to go.

Helena's cards are so beautiful, an extraordinary deck with exceptional insight...a good carrier of light, whatever the storm.