Dr. Monroe: The pig has made you into his mother. You are not the hot love object you deserve to be.Marge: Really?Dr. Monroe: I'm as sure of it as I'm sure my voice is annoying. Marge, tonight, the second he comes through that front door, you've got to tell him you're fed up, and if he doesn't start loving, you will be leaving.Marge: Leave Homer?Dr. Monroe: Please, don't use his real name!Marge: Leave Pedro?

Marge: Hello. I'd like to talk to Dr. MonroeRadio Show Producer: First name, age, problem?Marge: I'm Marge, 34, and my problem's my husband. He doesn't listen to me. He doesn't appreciate me, I don't know how much more of this I can--Radio Show Producer: Hey, lady, save your whining for when you're on the air, okay?

Homer: My wife's gonna leave me 'cause she thinks I'm a pig.Moe: Homer.Homer: What?Moe: Marge is right. You are a pig. You can ask anyone in this bar!Homer: (Shocked) What? Hey, Barney, am I a pig?Barney: You're even more of a pig than I am. (Belches)Homer: Oh, no!Moe: See? You're a pig. Barney's a pig, Larry's a pig. We're all pigs!

Homer: They all look so tasty, but I think I'll eat this one right there!(Homer points at a lobster.)Waiter: Why don't you pick one that's a little more frisky, sir.Homer: Why?Waiter: Well, when you choose one that's floating upside down, it somewhat defeats the purpose of selecting a live lobster.

Bart: We know who you are, Ms. Botz. Or should I say, Ms. Botzcowski. You're the Baby-sitter Bandit!Ms. Botz: You're a smart, young man, Bart. I hope you're smart enough to keep your mouth shut.Lisa: He isn't.

Homer: Lord, help me. I'm just not that bright.Marge: Oh, Homer, don't say that. The way I see it, if you raise three children who can knock out and hogtie a perfect stranger, you must be doing something right.

Krusty the Clown: Hey, hey, what's goin' on here?Chief Wiggum: Krusty the Clown, you're under arrest for armed robbery. You have the right to remain silent, anything you say--Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.Krusty the Clown: What is this, a joke?