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In order to be able to live
on the right side of the law.
To always use his own name
and phone number. To go bail
for a friend and not give
a damn if the friend skips town.
Hope, in fact, she does.
To give some money
to his mother. And to his
children and their mother.
Not save it. He wants
to use it up before it’s gone.
Buy clothes with it.
Pay the rent and utilities.
Buy food, and then some.
Go out for dinner when he feels like it.
And it’s okay
to order anything off the menu!
Buy drugs when he wants.
Buy a car. If it breaks
down, repair it. Or else
buy another. See that
boat? He might buy one
just like it. And sail it
around the Horn, looking
for company. He knows a
girl in Porto Alegre who’d love
to see him in
his own boat,sails full,
turn into the harbor for her.
A fellow who could afford
to come all this way
to see her. Just because
he liked the sound
of her laughter,
and the way she swings her hair.

Hadda Been Playing On The Jukebox
Written by Allen Ginsberg, performed by Rage Against the Machine
It had to be flashin’ like the daily double
It had to be playin’ on TV
It had to be loud mouthed on the comedy hour
It had to be announced over loud speakers

The CIA and the Mafia are in cahoots

It had to be said in old ladies’ language
It had to be said in American headlines
Kennedy stretched and smiled and got double crossed by lowlife goons and agents
Rich bankers with criminal connections
Dope pushers in CIA working with dope pushers from Cuba working with a
big time syndicate from Tampa, Florida
And it had to be said with a big mouth

It had to be moaned over factory foghorns
It had to be chattered on car radio news broadcasts
It had to be screamed in the kitchen
It had to be yelled in the basement where uncles were fighting

It had to be howled on the streets by newsboys to bus conductors
It had to be foghorned into New York harbor
It had to echo onto hard hats
It had to turn up the volume in university ballrooms

It had to be written in library books, footnoted
It had to be in the headlines of the Times and Le Monde
It had to be barked on TV
It had to be heard in alleys through ballroom doors

It had to be played on wire services
It had to be bells ringing
Comedians stopped dead in the middle of a joke in Las Vegas

It had to be FBI chief J. Edgar Hoover and Frank Costello syndicate
mouthpiece meeting in Central Park, New York weekends,
reported Time magazine

It had to be the Mafia and the CIA together starting war on Cuba,
Bay of Pigs and poison assassination headlines

It had to be dope cops in the Mafia
Who sold all their heroin in America

It had to be the FBI and organized crime working together
in cahoots against the commies

It had to be ringing on multinational cash registers
A world-wide laundry for organized criminal money

It had to be the CIA and the Mafia and the FBI together
They were bigger than Nixon
And they were bigger than war

It had to be a large room full of murder
It had to be a mounted ass- a solid mass of rage
A red hot pen
A scream in the back of the throat

It had to be a kid that can breathe
It had to be in Rockefellers’ mouth
It had to be central intelligence, the family, allofthis, the agency Mafia
It had to be organized crime

One big set of gangs working together in cahoots

Hitmen
Murderers everywhere

The secret
The drunk
The brutal
The dirty rich

On top of a slag heap of prisons
Industrial cancer
Plutonium smog
Garbage cities

Grandmas’ bed soft from fathers’ resentment

It had to be the rulers
They wanted law and order
And they got rich on wanting protection for the status quo

They wanted junkies
They wanted Attica
They wanted Kent State
They wanted war in Indochina

It had to be the CIA and the Mafia and the FBI

Multinational capitalists
Strong armed squads
Private detective agencies for the rich
And their armies and navies and their air force bombing planes

It had to be capitalism
The vortex of this rage
This competition
Man to man

The horses head in a capitalists’ bed
The Cuban turf
It rumbles in hitmen
And gang wars across oceans

The NKPD and CIA keep each other’s secrets
The OGBU and DIA never hit their own
The KGB and the FBI are one mind

Brute force and full of money
Brute force, world-wide, and full of money
Brute force, world-wide, and full of money
Brute force, world-wide, and full of money
Brute force, world-wide, and full of money

It had to be rich and it had to be powerful
They had to murder in Indonesia 500000
They had to murder in Indochina 2000000
They had to murder in Czechoslovakia
They had to murder in Chile
They had to murder in Russia

just found out about this cat. Watched a film on him at the library. Built his own fucking log cabin in the wilderness. Even the door hinges were made from a bucket…..carved his own spoons and bowls…..what tha fuck????

he left in 1968 to go up to Alaska and stayed for 30 years…..30 years no tang???? Dude was like a monk. Amazing. Simply Amazing.

So in order to weed out the bad ones…a buddy and I decided I needed to come up with a few key questions to give me an idea of what kind of girl I’m dealing with. A small little survey if you will.

Though I think about how much easier it was to meet women in college. it was like the school was just floodgate for young coeds, and classes were designed simply so you could meet women with similar interests.

Now what are you to do? Where can you meet these women? If you work all the time, come home to rest, and then go back to work, two options exist:
Date women at work (not an option where I am)
or go to the bar.

If you’re lucky, you may meet a woman at a concert, or at the library, but how often does this happen?

I do recall a buddy of mine from California, went up on Grizzely Peak in Berkeley to watch the sunset and met this hot Isreali girl who was also watching the sunset. They hit it off and yadda yadda yadda, she and he, and her friend and I are in san Francisco eating tapas (but that was the one exception I can think of).

I’ve tried online dating and I’m even more awkward at starting conversations online than in real life……

and then there is Facebook….you can meet up with old girls you never closed the deal with and finally hook up with Susie Silverstein from 11th grade English. you don’t have to go through silly conversation just to find out if she’s single or not……her dating status is already presented for you…….not sure if this’ll work for me either…..but in case I do meet another woman, she’s gonna get directed to this blog where she’ll hopefully cut and paste the questions and answer them seperately on an email.

From the guy who brought you the McFail scale…..well I couldn’t come up with a name for this questionaire……(The Eclectic Bmick acid test???)so we’ll just bring on the questions:

1)I’m satisfied if I can have sex ______ times a week.

2) What is your opinion on psycho-active drugs?

3)Girl on girl makes me feel__________.

4)When people ask me what kind of music I like, I reply
a) I like a little bit of everything except country
b) I like a little bit of everything except rap
c) I really only listen to NPR
d) depends on what mood I’m in.

16)Going to a sporting event as a date sounds like,
a) fun
b) ridiculous
c) complete waste of time
d) something I’d do once in a while but only if it appeases my boyfriend.

17) A guy who goes grocerey shopping in his bathrobe is
a)lazy degenerate who should be ostracized from society
b) probably a poseur asshole who watched too much Lebowski
c) laid back guy who is comfortable with himself.

18) A man who makes less money than me can_______.

19)When my boyfriend is watching sports I
a) nestle next to him on the couch and beg for his attention
b) complain when he’s not giving me his attention
c) go run errands or go outside to do yard work.
d) grab a couple of beers and sit down and watch with him.

20) Cooking and cleaning is
a) woman’s work
b) something our hired help did when I was growing up
c) pretty fun with the right tunes and good company.

I really dig you baby but I gotta keep a moving....on.......keep moving on.

I love this place. I love Oklahoma. I really do. Okies really are the salt of the earth. I have encountered nothing but loving people here.
I work with some really awesome people. I was lucky enough to have some really awesome neighbors and friends. My job at Youth Services has been an incredible experience.

But its time to go. I have a feeling another ice storm is coming. tis October and its already getting pretty cold. I either have to commit for the winter, or leave.

Commitment means buying an actual bed, possibly even a car, lots of winter gear, a television, record player, things one buys when they settle down.

I just can’t do it here unfortunately. Too many ghosts, and I just can’t
handle another winter here. Mentally I just don’t have it in me.

But its been such a great time and knowing that my time here is limited gives me back the freshness I had when I first got here. There is the desire to soak every moment up.

I’ve gotten to see a couple of Thunder games, spent some time in Norman, and OKC….
its been such a myriad of emotions….

having seen a friend in SF for the first time in a year and a half, she wanted to know what had changed me so much….she said I seemed much more solid……so what happened?????

Life……pregnancy scares, domestic violence, busting my ass day and night to get stuff taken care of…..a couple of books later, a couple of tours later, wandering the streets of Portland, trying to find my way back home……..

there is this saying among blues musicians, a term for paying your dues called “getting some mud on you”

I really know what the blues is like now……..I know firsthand how delicious the combination of country music and stake is.

I’ve seen some “hard hard places” like in Joni Mitchell’s “Help ME.”

Its been great. Living life…..I knew there was a reason to move here, and no matter hwo hard it got for me I stuck it out here until the same voice that told me to move here, was telling me to leave.

I’d been working waaaaay too much to compensate for my home life. Once me and the first old lady split, the job was the only thing keeping me here was my job.

When I got back from Toronto this July, I got really depressed and it was tough to even be home. I worked all night, slept all day and then wrote all night….i was very productive, but it was tough being at home….
coming back to my sleeping bag and beat up computer…..

So it is time to switch gears.
Move to Oregon, start a country band, do some Tai Chi, record a comedy album…….time to move on.

A couple of midwest gigs left, and a few more things to do before I go……….it’s been a really good trip… and if the day comes and its time to come back……well I’m okay with that too.