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Wednesday, June 11, 2014

(That's right; a Game of
Thrones reference in a Disney blog. I'm a geek through and
through; accept it and move on.)

I'm sure that you've heard
the same rumors I have, to wit: Epcot's Maelstrom
will be shutting down this fall to either be completely redone as a
new Frozen attraction or (far more likely) to receive a
Frozen overlay.

Fan reaction to this
(admittedly completely unconfirmed but highly likely) rumor has, of
course, been mixed. (Poor Disney; for being arguably the most beloved
brand on the planet, they must feel like somebody is always
complaining.) When I discussed it with my stylist (young mother of
two elementary-school-aged daughters), I swear that I saw tears of
joy in her eyes. On the other hand, Disney fanboys across the
internet have lit their torches and are sharpening their pitchforks.
I'm going to try to take an objective look at both sides (admittedly
not one of my strengths), and then give you my opinion (okay; that
I'm good at).

Frozen fans – they
are aplenty. I mean holy crap, these people are obsessed. And hey, I
write a Disney blog, so I know a little about Disney obsessions. But
I'm probably not the best person to comment on this. I mean, I liked
the movie a lot, but I don't understand the mania that has swept the
nation. I guess I'm fortunate that my daughter is nineteen, not nine.
And while I love Idina Menzel and the collective works of Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez, I certainly
don't get the whole “Let it Go” craze. Of course that's
probably because I'm from Ohio, where it's miserably cold about nine
months out of the year. The phrase “The cold never bothered me
anyway” would pass my lips exactly never.

And let's face it: World
Showcase doesn't currently have a lot to offer small kids. I'll
admit it: when Epcot first opened, I thought it was boring. There
were few rides, no characters, and to be honest, I had been expecting
Magic Kingdom: Part Two. Epcot, in my considered prepubescent
opinion, left a lot to be desired. And even though it's come a long
way, I can see why it wouldn't have the same appeal for someone
without a credit card or a valid ID that it now has for, well, me.

Also, there's the “change is good and new is better” philosophy. Some people have done
Maelstrom repeatedly and are ready for an update. And when you
add to that the “let's not have a repeat of The Little
Mermaid” fear, where it took Disney around twenty years to
get around to making a ride featuring a very popular character –
well, you can see why Disney might not want to let the grass grow
under their feet on this one.

In the other corner we have
the Disney Purists: Epcot is supposed to be educational, characters
(The Three Caballeros aside) don't belong in World
Showcase, it's an insult to the people of Norway to replace the
attraction designed to represent their culture with characters from a
fictional film, and this is an attraction that belongs in Magic
Kingdom's Fantasyland, not in World Showcase.

I think the fanboys have
some valid points, as well. But my objections actually stem for a
different source.

Let's look at Epcot as a
whole. What would you say the two most popular attractions in Future
World are? My money would be on Test Track and
Soarin'. Test Track got an update in 2012, and
Soarin' is rumored to be getting one soon as well. And to what
end, I ask? To make them even more popular? Meanwhile, the
Wonders of Life Pavilion idly languishes for the bulk of the
year, and the Imagination Pavilion is just sad. And now
Maelstrom, arguably the most popular attraction in World
Showcase (certainly the one with the longest lines) and one of only
two rides in WS, is slated for a refurb. My point? Look at the
park as if it were a smile. Instead of replacing the teeth in the
smile that are broken (Imagination) or missing entirely (Wonders of
Life, all of the countries that could/should be in WS), Disney keeps
polishing the teeth in the smile that are already pretty. How does
that make any sense? If Fastpass+ is allegedly redistributing
guests throughout the park with the goal of making wait times more
equitable, couldn't this be done far more efficiently and with a far
better overall guest experience by “plussing” attractions that
really, you know, need it?

(Sigh) Of course, WDW
management has a history of this “polishing the pretty teeth”
practice. After all, how many updates do TheHaunted
Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean really
need, while their poor little stepbrothers Tom Sawyer Island
and the Tomorrowland Indy Speedway get ignored? But
that's a discussion for another day.

Monday, April 7, 2014

“Like a grand and miraculous
spaceship, our planet has sailed through the universe of time; and for a brief moment we have been
among its passengers.”

Grand, inspiring
words – that have almost no connection to the attraction that
follows.

Don't get me wrong;
I really enjoy Spaceship Earth. I've been on every version
since it opened and loved them all. But in my opinion, the actual
attraction really doesn't tie in well with its name or stated theme.
It's the story of how humans communicate. That's a nice story, but I
don't think it has a scope that deserves either its appellation or
its location as your gateway into Future World.

So what should be
there?

Over
the past month, I have fallen completely in love with Cosmos:
A Spacetime Odyssey. It's
everything Epcot's
Future World should be: engaging, enlightening, entertaining,
educational, enthralling. And its theme is perfect for Spaceship
Earth: it explores how we discovered the laws of nature and found our
coordinates in space and time. Here we board the "Ship of
the Imagination" (how Epcot-y is that?), the show's
narrative device to explore the universe's past, present, and future.
Host Neil deGrasse Tyson shows us where the Earth sits in the
scope of the known universe, defining the Earth's "address"
within it. He explains how humanity has not always seen the universe
in this manner, and describes the hardships and persecution of
scientists and free-thinkers as they've helped humanity move forward
into new ages of discovery. Episode by episode, we are introduced to
awe-inspiring concepts in a way that's easy to understand without being
condescending. It does a far better job explaining our role as
passengers on “this, our Spaceship Earth” than the attraction
ever has.

And just think, we could end that
ongoing debate over which narrator of Spaceship Earth was superior,
because the obvious choice for this improved version would be Tyson
himself. His passion for the material shines through in every episode
of Cosmos, and would give the attraction far more life than
any of the hosts have thus far. Further, we'd then have both Neil
deGrasse Tyson and Bill Nye the Science Guy in Future World
attractions – and if the goal of Future World (as stated on its
dedication plaque) is to “entertain, inform and inspire, and above
all, may it instill a new sense of belief and pride in man's ability
to shape a world that offers hope to people everywhere" –
isn't that just how it should be?

Monday, March 31, 2014

As I'm sure you've heard by now,
Kouzzina by Cat Cora
at Disney's
Boardwalk is closing September 30,
2014. And naturally, Disney fans everywhere are wondering about its
replacement. Disney has been rather closed-mouth about it thus far,
but I'm not about to let that stop me from speculating!

It's not that I necessarily think the Boardwalk is lacking in dining venues. The Flying
Fish Cafeis (outside of Victoria
and Albert's, which
shouldn’t really count) quite possibly my favorite Walt
Disney Worldrestaurant. Chef
Tim Keating is an absolutely amazing talent, and his attention to
detail and desire to please guests is truly remarkable. Additionally,
the sports fan in me adores the
ESPN Club, and the bartenders there are some of my
favorite on property. I've even enjoyed a meal or two at Big
River Grille and Brewing Works...but then again, I liked
Kouzzina, so that tells you
what my opinion's worth. ;) However, since there will be an open
space, I'm certainly not lacking for ideas!

The moment I heard about an opening on
the Boardwalk, I immediately recalled some interviews I had heard
with Disney historians/experts Jim Hill and Jim Korkis. Both
had mentioned some of the previous ideas that had been floated for
this area, and I found them absolutely fascinating. (Side note: As I
discuss the information shared in their interviews, any “insider”
or historical content is completely due to their knowledge and hard
work. Any mistakes or misinformation would be my fault entirely.)

One idea that was originally floated as
a dining option for the Boardwalk was a 900-seat supper club themed
to The Little Mermaid. As the resort officially opened
on July 1, 1996, I can see why this idea was appealing at the time.
But much like The American Idol Experience at the
nearby Disney's Hollywood Studios, this is a concept
whose time I believe has come and gone.

On the other hand, I find the concept
of Walt's Atticabsolutely fascinating. This would have been a more upscale
dining experience with music and entertainment – perhaps something
similar to the Top of the Worldrestaurant that used to occupy the space that is now home to
the Contemporary Resort's
California Grill.
They were planning to join forces with the Disney Archives, so that
you'd be dining surrounded by fascinating artifacts from Disney
history. Just the chance to be up close and personal with the likes
of Disney's special Oscars for Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
or early pieces of Walt Disney World concept sketches would be worth
the price of admission alone! (Also, I really loved Top
of the World, and I miss it. I also desperately miss the
Papeete Bay Verandah at Disney's Polynesian Village Resort
Hotel and found it vastly superior to 'Ohana,
but that's another discussion entirely.)

Perhaps my favorite concept, however,
was The Family Reunion. Do you miss the interactive experience
of The Adventurers' Club? Then this may have been a venue for you.
You'd have walked in and been greeted by a large man dressed in drag
who'd be portraying your dear aunt (picture John Travolta in
Hairspray). You'd be given a name tag (because
apparently you come from a very extensive family), and would then be
ushered into the “church basement” for the reunion. Cast members
would portray zany, eccentric, and occasionally annoying family
members as you are served old family favorite dishes in Pyrex and
CorningWare. Maybe I'm just feeling nostalgic for the heyday of
Pleasure Island, but I think this sounds like a blast.

But who am I kidding? The way my luck
goes, we'll probably end up with a restaurant serving the typical
menu of strip steak, chicken dish, pasta/vegetarian option, grilled
fish, and the same Disney drinks and desserts you see throughout Walt
Disney World. It could be worse, though; they could lease the space to
Landry's for another Rainforest Cafe. (Okay, seriously, I'm just joking about both of those options. By all that is right and holy, I sincerely hope and trust that Disney will do neither of these things.)