Thursday, April 29, 2010

A summer's worth of blockbusters will soon be anointed upon the feet of the moviegoing public, so since nature abhors a vacuum, we have an onslaught of Horrible Movies all set to play counterpoint for the next few months. Next up is 1979's horror movie fumble, "The Meateater".

A jaw-dropping mess, this is the story of Mitford Webster, a hapless shoe salesman who dreams of one day owning a movie theater. Just his rotten luck the one he finally purchases comes equipped with its own psycho killer in the attic! When people start turning up dead, the corpulent police department is no match for the acumen of the slow-moving slayer. Will Mitford and his plucky family survive to serve another bag of stale popcorn?

Even for us at HMN, this one took our breath away. The guy playing Mitford is quite possibly the worst (therefore absolutely delightful) actor we've ever seen. No one ever has ever pronounced the word "theater" finer. The character names are fantastic (Detective Wombat? Really?), and dialogue clunks to the floor as soon as it is uttered. The color is so bad that it looks like the film has been sitting in a sun-bleached window for a few months.

And then there's the meat.

Supposedly, the filmmakers ran out of money, and appealed to the California Pork Board for help. In exchange, there are many incongruous references to meat -- the benefits of breakfast sausages are extolled, the Oscar Mayer wiener song is sung, and Detective Wombat chomps incessantly on beef jerky. "The Meateater" is an insane joy.

The movie will be served up by your host, Tom Winkler, creator of doodie.com, and I'm Not Insane. Adding spices will be The Omelettes, who will improv their way into your tummies by way of your heart. If you survive the movie, you may win a prize for the absolute best comments yelled out during the show. Bring your A game, people -- we want to hear comedy gems. There will be a spectrum of drinks available, as well as freshly-baked brownies, the quietest movie snack ever. And there will be a special surprise guest -- a HMN first!

We are in a new theater this month -- the East Theater is still part of The Complex, but has its own entrance at 6468 Santa Monica Blvd. Please ARRIVE EARLY! We have limited seating, and it filled up quickly last time. Thanks again for your support, tell a friend, join our variouslists, and we'll see you at the theater!