The original idea was for that photo to go on the front cover. Good job that idea was ditched!

The photo shoot was done by Hubby and I hold him responsible for any unflatteringness. Most models have an arty photographer, ideally gay, encouraging and inspiring them by saying “Give me sexy, give me more pout, that’s right darling, give me tigress.”

What I had was my husband saying “Stop wasting that tomato passata, I want to eat it for my lunch afterwards.”

It does show in the results.

Nevertheless, after all my hard work (models do work hard, you know) I have decided the photos are ideal for a CAPTION COMPETITION.

The prize will be a paperback edition of any one of my five books – see below for details. I may add a second, runner-up prize if more than one person actually enters. You may enter the contest as many times as you like.

All you have to do is put your entry in the comments box below. With your entry, please say which book you would like and make sure you do not leave an entry anonymously!!! If you win, I will be able to find out your email address confidentially, deliver the life-changing good news and ask for your postal address.

The contest will run for 3 weeks, so the deadline for entries is 28th August 2015.

Why am I drinking passata neat? The power and water have been cut off again so there’s no ice, I had to use the vodka to clean the floor this morning, then I tipped all the salt on the floor, it’s far too hot for anything spicy, and I’m too exhausted to bother with garnishes.

Vampyre dialogues: “Pronto? Is this the hotline to hell? After I minced my husband ’cause he said I am too fat I found that his blood tastes like tomato sauce. Perhaps you know an appropriate victim in my neighbourhood whose blood tastes like pasta, so I can combine?”

… and then he was like “what do you mean you drank all the passata and there is none for my pasta?? Are you trying to starve me or what??” But then he got hit by the cold and he forgot everything about it. Thanks god! So, back to our plans for dinner… did we say all 150 people are confirmed?