Anyone who cried when Dumbo's mother was chained should take the time to watch this film. It would then inspire joy in them, perhaps many would delight in her being shot as well. They would feel little remorse for the expiring pachyderm and even be happy for her passing. Why? Because then the makers of this movie would be unable to film her and add another thirty seconds of stock elephant footage. Though that brings to mind, quite unbidden I might add, the thought of stock dead elephant footage.

You probably think I am exaggerating about the "stock elephant footage" a tad. You are incorrect. The film runs a little over seventy minutes and about half of that is comprised of elephants.

The plot, as it is, concerns the adventures of Sabu and Dr. Morrison as they attempt to discover the secrets of strange "burning rocks" found in the jungle. Plus a flying saucer appears a few times. What does the UFO have to do with the plot? No idea. It is not a very good plot, in fact "evil" might be a good description. I had several daydreams of a righteous Catholic priest, crucifix in hand, backing the plot into a corner as it mewed and spat in hatred.

Mostly the characters walk around on a sound stage, then they either stare at some point off screen or make a statement to justify what happens next. You guessed it! POW! Five minutes of elephants! Momentarily blaming the characters for these occurrences is a natural reaction.

So what else is there in this movie? Did I mention there were elephants?

Okay, there are a few fight scenes. These fall into two categories: men rolling on the ground with stuffed animals (illegal in some states by the way) or Sabu smacking Kumar around. Watching a grown man shake (so it appears alive) a panther body pillow while trying to wrestle (so it appears he is fighting for his life) the prop to the ground is not without merit. The question is does it merit watching this film?

Philosophy aside, just remember that this is a movie about elephants...

Things I Learned From This Movie:

Flashpowder is an important medical item.

Doctor's studies are full of test tubes and other scientific equipment.

Pouring any two chemicals together will produce an amusing, yet harmless, reaction.

Radioactive materials are commonly found in the loose soil under trees.

Elephants can be used in the place of many pieces of construction equipment.

American jet fighters were often used by the British government to rescue the survivors of plane crashes.

Wild animals, especially tigers, will only attack humans when forced to by aliens.

You never can have enough elephants in a movie.

Stuff To Watch For:

1 min - Pay attention to this acknowledgment, it explains a lot during the next seventy minutes.

10 mins - "Hey you fool, paper magma?" What does that mean?

13 mins - Hey, stock elephant footage...

19 mins - Something that they ate burned them? On their arm? Did you even finish medical school you stupid quack?

22 mins - More stock elephant footage...

24 mins - Can't get enough of this stock elephant footage...

33 mins - Stock elephant footage... (Around now I checked my cable box to ensure that "The Discovery Channel" was not bleeding over or something.)

38 mins - Oh joy, stock freaking elephant footage...

42 mins - Still watching elephants, just in case you were wondering (or cared).

51 mins - Caught between stock footage and a sound stage!

54 mins - Stock elephant footage... ...has anyone seen a movie about some guy named Sabu around here?

58 mins - How about offering her medical attention? She was just in a plane crash you idiot.

61 mins - Arrrggghhh! Stock elephant footage...

65 mins - Elephants, the stuff nightmares are made of...

69 mins - A cynical man would say that this is the same elephant pushing down the same tree, just filmed from a different angle.

Frogs is my personal own Jungle Hell. If you have seen that film, it is probably just has bad. The only difference is that all the elephants are replaced with frogs and toads. This movie popped into my head about 10 minutes after seeing so much stock footage of frogs.

Anyways, good review. Just remember Andrew, you are not alone in the suffering over seeing so much unnesscary stock footage of animals.