New York Giants (12-4) - Previously: #1 - The Giants, Steelers, Titans and Panthers all had byes, so let's talk about some of the funny things that happened during the week in their slots.

If you didn't watch any of the playoff action on Saturday night, you may have missed Matt Millen on NBC. First, Dan Patrick interviewed Millen, who admitted that Detroit's disastrous 0-16 season was his fault. Next, Millen sat at the desk right next to Jerome Bettis and analyzed the games. And after that, Millen told the NBC crew that the show needed a wide receiver to give it some life. I kid you not.

According to RotoWorld, Simpson was the passenger in a vehicle that was speeding through a bar parking lot. Police had been dispatched to the scene to deal with a possible assault. When the car was pulled over, Simpson allegedly said "I'm Ko Simpson with the Buffalo Bills. I am worth millions!" The driver was charged with disorderly conduct after Simpson was booked. Simpson made $445K in 2008.

Hilarious. If I ever get pulled over for a DUI, I'll say, "I"m Walt from WalterFootball.com and I am worth trillions!" Then, I'll throw up all over the steering wheel.

Carolina Panthers (12-4) - Previously: #3 - Lucky for the Panthers that they're playing the Cardinals this week. If the Falcons had won, they'd have to deal with Michael Bennett. Confused? Check this out:

On Tuesday, new Lions president Tom Lewand stated that the Falcons' only high-priced acquisition in 2008 was "Michael Bennett" and commented on how the Steelers allowed "Greg Lloyd" to sign with Miami.

And you wonder why the Lions haven't won a playoff game since the 1950s.

By the way, if you're wondering, that's supposed to be Michael Turner and Joey Porter. Bennett is San Diego's third-string running back, while Lloyd was an old linebacker with the Steelers who last played in 1998.

Shouldn't Detroit fans be more concerned about this? There is absolutely no way Lewand is going to nail the No. 1 pick in April's draft. Instead of Sam Bradford, Matt Stafford and Andre Smith, I could see Lewand stating, "Guys, look, I'm debating between Ryan Leaf, David Carr and Robert Gallery. Will someone help me out here!?"

Baltimore Ravens (12-5) - Previously: #6 - Anyone else confused as to why Ed Reed didn't win Defensive Player of the Year after yesterday's performance? And while we're on the subject, why aren't the playoffs factored into these awards? Is Peyton Manning the MVP after losing at San Diego? Is Chad Pennington still Comeback Player of the Year even though he still throws like a 12-year-old girl and didn't really go anywhere in the first place? I'll have more on Pennington later.

Speaking of the Dolphins, check out this report from RotoWorld: "Fired Chiefs GM Carl Peterson was reportedly at Sunday's Miami-Baltimore playoff game and was overheard speaking of the Dolphins as 'We' and 'We're.'"

In other news, dozens of Dolphin fans drowned themselves in anticipation of Peterson joining the organization.

Tennessee Titans (13-3) - Previously: #4 - Again, I have the Titans ranked a lot lower than where they probably should be seeded. I really think they screwed themselves by resting their starters. Think about it - their key players haven't seen any action since Dec. 21! Now, they're going to be asked to stop a red-hot Ravens squad. Tennessee had a great season, but I believe Jeff Fisher made a fatal mistake.

San Diego Chargers (9-8) - Previously: #7 - For people criticizing the Chargers for not "getting it together" earlier in the season, I'd like to point out that they had to endure LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates not being 100 percent, and adjust to Shawne Merriman being out. They're the hottest team in the league right now, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if they won the Super Bowl.

On the other side of the spectrum, the Rams continue to be humorous. Check out the following story from RotoWorld:

Richie Incognito didn't make any friends by opting out of the finale because of illness. Jim Haslett was so upset he slapped a candy bar out of Incognito's hands on the sideline.

A candy bar on the sideline? Sounds like something I'd write in the Emmitt on the Brink. I'd like to thank Incognito for living up to a stereotype I make fun of every week.

Philadelphia Eagles (10-6-1) - Previously: #11 - I'm truly amazed at how inept some coaches can be. Brad Clueless is on a whole other level, but Andy Reid, his "mentor," is renowned for being pretty bad himself.

Case in point: Brian Westbrook ran a 70-yard screen in for a touchdown late in the fourth quarter. That was great, except it was there the entire game. Reid, however, opted for failed long passes and 2-yard runs up the middle instead. As my old college roommate put it: "I forgot what a screen pass was until that Westbrook play."

Reid really needs to take care of this. He should have a to-do list on his massive play sheet. It could look something like this:

1. Buy 50 Egg McMuffins for Breakfast.

2. Buy 60 Egg McMuffins for Breakfast No. 2.

3. Buy 150 Cheeseburgers for Brunch.

4. Don't Forget about Screen Plays!

5. Buy Entire Cheesesteak Shoppe for Lunch.

Arizona Cardinals (10-7) - Previously: #20 - Hmm... wonder which team is clearly the worst remaining squad in the playoffs?

Nothing positive to say about the Cardinals, so let's use this space for my exclusive interview with Al Davis!

ME: Hey Undead Al, I mean Al Davis, thanks for joining me. I understand that you wanted to dispute some of the things I've written about you on this Web site?

DAVIS: "You're a liah! You... and ESPN... are liahs!"

ME: What exactly did I lie about?

DAVIS: "You said... I drink... goat blood... I would like to say... that I do not... drink goat blood... I enjoy... sheep blood... instead..."

ME: Sheep blood? What's the difference between that and goat blood?

DAVIS: "Sheep blood... has more vitamins... and will help you... live longer..."

ME: But isn't that bad for you? Don't undead people want things that will make them dead longer?

DAVIS: "Sheep blood... tastes a lot better... if you rub it over... the virgin you sacrifice... but only... an hour... beforehand..."

ME: That's actually pretty disturbing. So, is that the only thing I lied about?

DAVIS: "No... you said... I draft only... based on 40s... I draft... on 40s... but I also look at... vertical jumps..."

The bottom line - anyone who voted for Pennington for MVP deserves to be fed to Mark Mangino. Did people actually think that no one other than Pennington could lead the Dolphins to an 11-5 record? He was a huge liability against the Ravens. MVPs aren't supposed to be liabilities.

12. Minnesota Vikings (11-6) - Previously: #12 - Something tells me that I won't be receiving any "Tarvaris is the bestest quarterback of all times you don't know what your talking bout lolz" e-mails this summer, which is a relief because I had dozens of those a year ago.

By the way, I'm pretty depressed that we may never have another chance to bet against the combination of Jackson and Brad Clueless ever again. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I blew it by using only three units on the game. If I were smart, I would have named Eagles -3 the Pick of the Millennium, giving it 3.2 million units. That's a $320 million bet for those of you scoring at home.

');

2008 NFL Playoff Power Rankings: Week 19

New York Giants (12-4) - Previously: #1 - The Giants, Steelers, Titans and Panthers all had byes, so let's talk about some of the funny things that happened during the week in their slots.

If you didn't watch any of the playoff action on Saturday night, you may have missed Matt Millen on NBC. First, Dan Patrick interviewed Millen, who admitted that Detroit's disastrous 0-16 season was his fault. Next, Millen sat at the desk right next to Jerome Bettis and analyzed the games. And after that, Millen told the NBC crew that the show needed a wide receiver to give it some life. I kid you not.

According to RotoWorld, Simpson was the passenger in a vehicle that was speeding through a bar parking lot. Police had been dispatched to the scene to deal with a possible assault. When the car was pulled over, Simpson allegedly said "I'm Ko Simpson with the Buffalo Bills. I am worth millions!" The driver was charged with disorderly conduct after Simpson was booked. Simpson made $445K in 2008.

Hilarious. If I ever get pulled over for a DUI, I'll say, "I"m Walt from WalterFootball.com and I am worth trillions!" Then, I'll throw up all over the steering wheel.

Carolina Panthers (12-4) - Previously: #3 - Lucky for the Panthers that they're playing the Cardinals this week. If the Falcons had won, they'd have to deal with Michael Bennett. Confused? Check this out:

On Tuesday, new Lions president Tom Lewand stated that the Falcons' only high-priced acquisition in 2008 was "Michael Bennett" and commented on how the Steelers allowed "Greg Lloyd" to sign with Miami.

And you wonder why the Lions haven't won a playoff game since the 1950s.

By the way, if you're wondering, that's supposed to be Michael Turner and Joey Porter. Bennett is San Diego's third-string running back, while Lloyd was an old linebacker with the Steelers who last played in 1998.

Shouldn't Detroit fans be more concerned about this? There is absolutely no way Lewand is going to nail the No. 1 pick in April's draft. Instead of Sam Bradford, Matt Stafford and Andre Smith, I could see Lewand stating, "Guys, look, I'm debating between Ryan Leaf, David Carr and Robert Gallery. Will someone help me out here!?"

Baltimore Ravens (12-5) - Previously: #6 - Anyone else confused as to why Ed Reed didn't win Defensive Player of the Year after yesterday's performance? And while we're on the subject, why aren't the playoffs factored into these awards? Is Peyton Manning the MVP after losing at San Diego? Is Chad Pennington still Comeback Player of the Year even though he still throws like a 12-year-old girl and didn't really go anywhere in the first place? I'll have more on Pennington later.

Speaking of the Dolphins, check out this report from RotoWorld: "Fired Chiefs GM Carl Peterson was reportedly at Sunday's Miami-Baltimore playoff game and was overheard speaking of the Dolphins as 'We' and 'We're.'"

In other news, dozens of Dolphin fans drowned themselves in anticipation of Peterson joining the organization.

Tennessee Titans (13-3) - Previously: #4 - Again, I have the Titans ranked a lot lower than where they probably should be seeded. I really think they screwed themselves by resting their starters. Think about it - their key players haven't seen any action since Dec. 21! Now, they're going to be asked to stop a red-hot Ravens squad. Tennessee had a great season, but I believe Jeff Fisher made a fatal mistake.

San Diego Chargers (9-8) - Previously: #7 - For people criticizing the Chargers for not "getting it together" earlier in the season, I'd like to point out that they had to endure LaDainian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates not being 100 percent, and adjust to Shawne Merriman being out. They're the hottest team in the league right now, and it wouldn't surprise me at all if they won the Super Bowl.

On the other side of the spectrum, the Rams continue to be humorous. Check out the following story from RotoWorld:

Richie Incognito didn't make any friends by opting out of the finale because of illness. Jim Haslett was so upset he slapped a candy bar out of Incognito's hands on the sideline.

A candy bar on the sideline? Sounds like something I'd write in the Emmitt on the Brink. I'd like to thank Incognito for living up to a stereotype I make fun of every week.

Philadelphia Eagles (10-6-1) - Previously: #11 - I'm truly amazed at how inept some coaches can be. Brad Clueless is on a whole other level, but Andy Reid, his "mentor," is renowned for being pretty bad himself.

Case in point: Brian Westbrook ran a 70-yard screen in for a touchdown late in the fourth quarter. That was great, except it was there the entire game. Reid, however, opted for failed long passes and 2-yard runs up the middle instead. As my old college roommate put it: "I forgot what a screen pass was until that Westbrook play."

Reid really needs to take care of this. He should have a to-do list on his massive play sheet. It could look something like this:

1. Buy 50 Egg McMuffins for Breakfast.

2. Buy 60 Egg McMuffins for Breakfast No. 2.

3. Buy 150 Cheeseburgers for Brunch.

4. Don't Forget about Screen Plays!

5. Buy Entire Cheesesteak Shoppe for Lunch.

Arizona Cardinals (10-7) - Previously: #20 - Hmm... wonder which team is clearly the worst remaining squad in the playoffs?

Nothing positive to say about the Cardinals, so let's use this space for my exclusive interview with Al Davis!

ME: Hey Undead Al, I mean Al Davis, thanks for joining me. I understand that you wanted to dispute some of the things I've written about you on this Web site?

DAVIS: "You're a liah! You... and ESPN... are liahs!"

ME: What exactly did I lie about?

DAVIS: "You said... I drink... goat blood... I would like to say... that I do not... drink goat blood... I enjoy... sheep blood... instead..."

ME: Sheep blood? What's the difference between that and goat blood?

DAVIS: "Sheep blood... has more vitamins... and will help you... live longer..."

ME: But isn't that bad for you? Don't undead people want things that will make them dead longer?

DAVIS: "Sheep blood... tastes a lot better... if you rub it over... the virgin you sacrifice... but only... an hour... beforehand..."

ME: That's actually pretty disturbing. So, is that the only thing I lied about?

DAVIS: "No... you said... I draft only... based on 40s... I draft... on 40s... but I also look at... vertical jumps..."

The bottom line - anyone who voted for Pennington for MVP deserves to be fed to Mark Mangino. Did people actually think that no one other than Pennington could lead the Dolphins to an 11-5 record? He was a huge liability against the Ravens. MVPs aren't supposed to be liabilities.

12. Minnesota Vikings (11-6) - Previously: #12 - Something tells me that I won't be receiving any "Tarvaris is the bestest quarterback of all times you don't know what your talking bout lolz" e-mails this summer, which is a relief because I had dozens of those a year ago.

By the way, I'm pretty depressed that we may never have another chance to bet against the combination of Jackson and Brad Clueless ever again. This was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I blew it by using only three units on the game. If I were smart, I would have named Eagles -3 the Pick of the Millennium, giving it 3.2 million units. That's a $320 million bet for those of you scoring at home.

Run Defenses: Yards per carry (YPC) allowed to running backs is the best way to determine a defense's strength against the run, as opposed to rushing yards per game.

Ravens (3.3)

Vikings (3.4)

Steelers (3.4)

Jets (3.6)

Eagles (3.6)

Titans (3.6)

Bears (3.7)

Giants (3.7)

Bengals (3.8)

49ers (3.8)

Cardinals (3.8)

Patriots (4.0)

Jaguars (4.0)

Chargers (4.0)

Seahawks (4.1)

Saints (4.1)

Dolphins (4.1)

Redskins (4.1)

Bills (4.1)

Colts (4.3)

Cowboys (4.4)

Buccaneers (4.5)

Texans (4.5)

Raiders (4.5)

Packers (4.5)

Browns (4.7)

Panthers (4.7)

Falcons (4.8)

Broncos (5.1)

Chiefs (5.2)

Rams (5.2)

Lions (5.4)

Pass Defenses: Yards Per Attempt (YPA) is the best tool to measure a defense's effectiveness versus the pass:

For the LAST TIME. Byron Maxwell has been VERY good this year and is having his best season of his career can we stop with the horrendous and embarrassing narrative that he's been up and down or bad. He's been the best player on our freaking team for last 7 weeks.