Who Are You? (The Truth of Who You Really Are)

What goes through your mind when you read the famous statement above written by the great philosopher Descartes? You might feel curious, thoughtful, reverent. You might be in absolute agreement, or you might be completely confused!

If you’re like me, you might somehow feel that there is much more to this statement than reducing all human existence and our individual sense of ‘self’ to our ability to form thoughts. In my understanding, this declaration by Descartes is only one half of the equation, for the next logical step would be to inquire: Who is using the mind to create these thoughts and then shape them into ideas and judgments? Who is the ‘self’ experiencing these thoughts? And if thoughts were to cease momentarily, would “I” stop existing?

In our journey of Self-Exploration the very first step in the understanding of our ‘selves’ is the process of self-inquiry. To be authentic and to be true to ourselves, first we must find out which ‘self’ we are referring to. For example, is your true self the one that gets angry at your boss? Is it the impatient one in the traffic? Perhaps your true self is the one that is loving and kind with your family? Or the one that gets depressed at the state of the world?

Are you all of these parts of your ‘self’ combined? Are you none of them? Who are ‘you’?

The concept of the “self” might turn out to be a bit more elusive than we initially presumed. In this article, we will attempt to explore a variety of different angles that reveal who we believe our “selves” to be, and reflect back only that which remains.

Who Are You?

… This is a simple question, and yet it is at the very core of all self-understanding. This question turns your attention from the external world to the internal world. For example: Who is the one who hears what you hear? Who is the one who experiences your thoughts? Your emotions? Your senses?

If I were to ask you “Who are you?”, you might reply: “I am Melissa Jones.” However, if I was to write down the words “Melissa Jones” on a piece of paper and present them to you, would you agree with me that you are those words? Of course not! Why? Because you use those words to represent your collection of life experiences. You might say instead: “I’m the daughter of Arthur Jones”. However, now you’re representing yourself in relation to another person, but if that person were to die, would you vanish from existence also?

You might then proceed to tell me you were born in 1988 in England, your parent’s names, your religious beliefs, the names of your childhood friends, first boyfriend, and so forth. And yet these are only a series of facts – a story if you will – but they don’t really tell me who you are, only how you came to be here and all of your past experiences.

Eventually, it becomes very clear that we have all grown up believing that we are the objective manifestations of our true selves, rather than being the subjective manifestations of them. This might sound confusing, so let me better illustrate it:

Imagine that I was to put you into a completely empty cinema the moment you were born and constantly projected a film onto the movie screen. In the cinema it’s completely dark and you can’t see your body at all. There is no one else in the cinema to acknowledges your existence. However in the movie, the characters begin talking to the camera, so it appears they are talking to you. Not only that, but in this cinema you can also experience the senses of ‘sight’, ‘touch’, ‘smell’ and ‘sound’ so that you are completely absorbed inside the movie. There’s also a voice in the background that is narrating what is occurring in the film and you have complete control over that voice.

For us in our own lives it is so easy for us to momentarily forget who we are when we watch movies – imagine the above example! It’s very easy to see how we can absorb ourselves so much into the movie of our lives using all of our five senses, and an inner narrator that we can control. This forces us to believe that we are the movie being projected onto the screen of the world, rather than being the person sitting in the chair watching it.

It is this narrator who is responsible for so much of our loss of self.

The Eternal Echo Within

There’s a simple experiment I like to try with people. Look at a clock for a whole minute and try not think at all.

Mostly likely you’ll find this extremely difficult. At some point during this brief experiment, a thought in the form of a voice will pop into your head – this is your narrator who will most likely say something along the lines of: “This is stupid. Has a minute passed yet?” “Oh no, stop thinking! Ahh!” The narrator in your head might even think: “You’re wrong, I have no voice in my head”.

The daily reality of our lives is that this voice – our narrator – never seems to shut up. It even answers itself: “Should I check my email now? No, it’s only been half an hour since the last time I checked”. But have you ever questioned why this narrator is constantly present in your life? Who decides what it is going to say? And how truthful is it in its judgments of the external world?

It is quite a startling realization for many of us to become aware of this voice. It’s almost like encountering a mentally ill person who asks a question out loud and then answers it by himself.

Of course, we do have conscious control over what this voice is saying when we choose to be aware of it for practical reasons like recalling information, for example: “What time did I have the doctor appointment? Oh that’s right, at 3 pm”. However most of the time, this voice, this narrator, is a nagging echo in the back of our minds. Most of the time we aren’t aware that it is filling our life experiences with useless judgments, for instance: “Look at the flower in that garden, it’s so beautiful.” But who made that assessment? You. And who is listening to that assessment? You as well. You already know that the flower is beautiful, but by verbalizing your judgment of it in your mind, you remove your attention from the real flower and on to the thoughts you create about that flower.

We waste very large parts of our existences experiencing life through our thoughts, instead of directly experiencing life. This is important to remember, as an essential part of our journey of self-growth is to realize we aren’t the voice that we identify with, but the experiencer of that voice. And while this inner voice, or narrator, does have a survival purpose in that it provides us with a sense of control and comfort, in doing so, it also creates many of our problems.

The truth is that what we perceive as problematic in life has nothing to do with life, and everything to do with our minds. Our minds, in order to feel safe in this world, use the voice in our heads, our narrators, as a way to feel in control. We walk down the street, and our voices continue to narrate the world around us: “Look at that black kitten, it’s so cute. There’s a sketchy looking guy coming towards me, I better cross the street. I wonder how old that house is?” Everything around us is now known and safe.

In this very way of trying to control the reality around us, our inner voices go on creating future expectations and desires from the world that are not always met, as well as fears and worries about the present moment that are entirely based on assumptions, and attachments to past traumas that don’t exist anymore.

Soon we don’t live and flow with present moment existence anymore, but instead live in an internal world re-created by the mind. Eventually, we discover that reality doesn’t abide by the laws of our perception, and the moment our perceptions from our ‘dream worlds’ and reality overlap, we begin to suffer.

Growing Beyond the Echo

To truly grow out of our need to control and resist the world depends on the strength of that voice within us. The more aware we are of this voice – this inner narrator and its affect on life – the more we progress in soulful maturity, experiencing true self-growth.

I want you to stop and ask yourself a question for a few moments: When was the last time you were entirely happy with your life, and how long did it last? Often we find that once a problem in our lives is solved, another one lies just over the horizon, so we never truly feel as though we’ve arrived at our final destination of happiness, and therefore we never really feel at home or feel whole.

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So how can you practically apply what you have read in this article? Well, the moment you experience what you perceive as a problem don’t immediately try to find a way to fix it. Instead, use the problem as an opportunity for self-exploration and inquire: “What aspect within me is disturbed and resisting this, and why?” You could also ask: “What part of me is angry about this? Why am I jealous and insecure? Why do I dislike this person so much?” Once you’ve identified the part within you that is resisting the situation, inquire further: “Who is the one that is angry/jealous/disdainful?” Obviously if you are experiencing the feeling, then you must be separate from that feeling and it cannot be ‘you’.

Creating this distancing between who you think you are and who you really are is essential in order to experience true freedom. The truth is that you have no control over the external world but you do have control over your internal world that perceives the external world. Remember that ‘you’ are not your thoughts, judgments or feelings. What ‘you’ are is limitless. ‘You’ are the experiencer experiencing.

When you develop the ability to be constantly aware of your presence, your soul, your source, you can regain the objective distance you need to prevent yourself from being lost in the movie of life.

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About Mateo Sol

Mateo Sol is a prominent psychospiritual counselor and mentor whose work has influenced the lives of thousands of people worldwide. Born into a family with a history of drug addiction, schizophrenia, and mental illness, Mateo Sol was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. As a spiritual counselor and mentor, Sol’s mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in any stage of life. [Read More]

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I feel like I am getting at that stage of stillness, not wanting anything more. However, this feels odd, because everyone around me is obsessed with career, achievements, possement, status… and I am not… With help from your articles I started to get to know who I am. I am a simplifier, listener, creator, care taker and frolicer. So when my inner voice starts to tell me otherwise, I now know it is not I how is talking, it is the voice of my parents, childhood experiences, people around me, media. This helps me to decide wether to listen to this inner voice or not. It does however talks a lot. I think a lot, my head is full of thoughts all the time, I am learning to stop this chattering monkey in my brain and that feels so good, to have silence in your mind and just be.

We’re very happy to hear our work has helped you through this journey. We called it ‘lonerwolf’ for that very reason, the greater our understanding, the more difficult it is to flow with the monkey brain principles of society.

But in doing so, you also find a community of those who wish to share this path with you. As you practice more cultivating that stillness, bringing that presence into your everyday life: I promise the monkey brain will quiet down more and more until it’s only there when you want to make use of it.

Good Article!! I read something very similar years ago by Ram Das (Be Here Now) He wrote about developing the “Witness” …ok …fine. I think I get it. But my question has now become “So what?” Is something suppose to “happen”? The sense of self-discovery is at times wonderful but for me it has always been “Now what?”

When you ask “Now, what?” what exactly are you seeking? Las Vegas lights? A stimulating experience?

If there is a seeker, an asker of the question “Now What?”, then you haven’t really achieved that state of inner stillness that people like Ram Das are speaking about. Because there’s still thoughts, desires expecting something.

I guarantee the moment you truly experience such a state of awe and bliss, there’s no thirst for anything else. In anything, there’s utter most feelings of humility and unworthiness of experiencing such a thing.

First of all, thank you for your article. It is very interesting to read. I would like to discuss a bit more about this, since the Inner Voice inside of me has several faces and several “voices”. I’ve been practicing meditation for almost 6 months now and, somedays, I can sit in quiet for sometime (I loose track of time), yet sometimes I have several “feedbacks” from my Inner Voice. Also, there are several Inner Voices inside of me, some more deep and ancient, more “soullike” and other more mundane and day to day. Does this make sense? How do you identify each of your voices, if you have more than one. And how to you know if it is your Ego or something else?

I’m having trouble following this portion of the article. Maybe an example would clear it up?

“the moment you experience what you perceive as a problem don’t immediately try to find a way to fix it. Instead, use the problem as an opportunity for self-exploration and inquire: “What aspect within me is disturbed and resisting this, and why?” … Once you’ve identified the part within you that is resisting the situation, inquire further: “Who is the one that is angry/jealous/disdainful?”

What are some of the “aspects” within us that might be disturbed? Is this something like fear, jealousy, etc?

Is the idea that our mind – not our self – is the one experiencing these disturbances?

It is indeed emotions like fear, jealousy, desire that arise from a situation that provide you with an opportunity to explore yourself further. Why do I feel jealous when my girlfriend hangs out with her male friends? Is some part of me feeling insecure about myself? or maybe some part of me mistrusts my girlfriend?

Once you’ve figured out which of those two situations it is, you move on to dettach yourself from that emotion one step further, to realize the emotions are coming through you, but are not you. e.g: Is this emotion of jealousy that is flowing within me, really me? Or is it my ego feeling insecure about me/her? Am I my ego? Or am I the witness experiencing this ego and observing how it works?

Brilliant article. I never thought of life this way. I feel like I’ve never looked at life this way before and this is such a mind opener. Because it’s so true that we basically narrate our life making things up as we think things to be. Every second of living without really realising thing are as they are without having to change anything or alter them with our minds. Our minds can be confusing. And thanks brought me a larger perspective on life.

Is getting rid of this “narrator” are good? I still confused. For example, when i wrote this post, “the narrator” in me keep saying “why do you write that? why it isn’t feel right to write this?” And because of that, i keep removing, and typing what “the narrator” feel right to write.

Sometimes, i believe that it will be enjoy and so relax when we never think about anything, but i find it hard to do. Even, i’ve took a deep breath and try to not think, but quickly, i get distracted again.
Until right now, i (maybe) never taste how good is it to live without “the narrator”.
am i in a bad condition? :(

It’s wonderful to hear you’re paying attention to the narrator within you. You can never get rid of the ‘narrator’ entirely, the narrator is your minds, your egos, ability to communicate itself.

What we must strive for is to liberate ourselves from the influence of the narrator, to be completely aware of him/her. For example; you mention that the narrator was telling you not to write “this or that” while you were commenting.

In this case, the narrator is trying to destroy you ability to be ‘authentic’. You can never write what you truly feel or think because the narrator is worried about judgment, about what others will think when they read your comment, about maybe being label ‘dumb’ or ‘silly’ for asking questions. The narrator needs to feel perfect, superior to others, not show any weakness.

Part of our Involution work is to become aware of this narrator and how it constantly gets in the way of us being authentic, being free. With practices like meditation, we learn to quiet the narrator down, and with Self-Exploration and psychology we learn to understand why the narrator acts the way they do.

Thank you for sharing your concern, and remember to keep the narrator from influencing your behavior.

Yes! You are so true, Mr.Sol! That’s what I’ve experienced. So, what about if i keep doing something even this narrator voice keep telling me not do it? is it a good thing to do?
I’m sorry if i ask too much. This narrator keep asking in my head. hehe

Your wisdom is truly inspiring, thank you for placing the effort and introspection that you do in each piece!

Its amazing just how little issues we really have if this narrator is removed. Feels like escapism like drinking and drugs are all motivated to silence this inner voice. Sadly in school no one ever teaches us we aren’t our ego. Seems like the only universally applicable lesson is that of balance, as no element can be entirely eliminated it simply evolves.

You mentioned once how the self is much like a fire that we are all conciously or unconciously attempt to escape. Maybe then we’ll estiguish that flame that or at least be wary of what egnites is embers when we learn to stop resisting and truly adopt a synergy with the most accurate form of reality outside of our own little narrators. Perhaps through that process we truly live spiritually.
Well wishes and warm regards!
Claire xx

Thank you for your kind words. I like playing in my writing using different topics of depth so I’m happy you appreciate some of the heavier ‘introspection’ ones as they aren’t everyone’s cup of tea. If only we taught this in schools the world would be so much better.

“Seems like the only universally applicable lesson is that of balance, as no element can be entirely eliminated it simply evolves.” That’s an interesting way of putting it, I’d go further to say that by its very evolution nothing really exists as an absolute. Think of one of those slowly frame videos of a flower blossoming and then withering within seconds. Because we perceive life through time, we perceive objects as ‘fixed’ and ‘absolute’ in the present moment when in fact they aren’t.

Life is a flux and everything is constantly evolving, morphing and changing into its next state but we are incapable of seeing it because we see it only through a fraction of time. Beyond the ego, this ‘separate self’, time is limitless and we perceive each moment as an eternity.

The moment we go beyond this ‘narrator’ self, we stop seeing life as a duality of yourself being separate from reality. Divine feelings, spiritual feelings, are those of feeling At One with existence; the word ‘atonement’ originates from that and it means ‘reconciliation’. That’s what this is, a reconciliation between our true self, our soul or awareness, and existence.

It seems that within a western culture that the drive to actualise through means of extrinic achievement ensures we have little cognizanice of our authentic essence as you’ve alluded to before. This inturn preciptates a paralytic fear of failure and this is perhaps why there is a solidarity of absolution.

“Beyond the ego, this ‘separate self’, time is limitless and we perceive each moment as an eternity” this sentiment also seems to substantiate why old souls feel as if larger quantity of substance is experienced within their natural lifespan.

This is rather impertinent, but in your latter teens did you feel life slow dramatically and feel a distinct lack of connection with those your own age?

More significantly did you have the compulsion to live really simply and travel? ( As in inhabiting a modest dwelling in a naturalistic environment) Thanks its always great to hear of your empirical experience.

That is quite a solid observation. This is perhaps why in mystical work they divided the ‘inner work’ into three distinct ‘schools’. The Exoteric; the dogmatic spreading of beliefs of ‘lip service’, occasionally applying some moral guidelines etc. The Mesoteric approach where ‘lip service’ isn’t enough and there’s some sincerity in wanting to seek ‘truth’ though still very lukewarm about facing their inner most depths. And ‘The Esoteric’ approach which shows much most ‘souful maturity’ in wanting to make our journey the primary focus of our life rather than a side hobby or interest.

Time is a fantastic puzzle; I often feel that my life has been filled with immense substance of experience but at the same time when looking at it objectively day to day it’s almost like flies by. As you point out, how we experience time immense dictates our development; from the people who want to ‘kill time’ to those who find it eternal.

Impertinence is always welcome, I’m an open book and don’t expect respect from others. When I was a teenager (makes me feel old even though it was less than a decade ago), I did experience time slow down dramatically and a lack of connection with others. This primary was because I made the erroneous mistake of approaching my journey through ‘Eastern’ methods instead of Western psychologically aware paths.

In the Eastern approach of understanding the ego as ‘non-real’, without properly understanding what this means. When the illusoriness of the personal self is over-emphasized we can easily experience a type of sickness in which one begins to feel a deep sense of futility with life, a pointlessness in doing anything or relating to anyone.

This of course might not necessarily be the case with you, but as you further your way into your journey you begin to ‘see too deep’ into the behavior of those around us. You grow into an ‘Outsider’ as you’re not involved anymore because you see through things but at the same time life keeps going on around you.

It is because of this that we fantasize of escaping into the wilderness, the mountains, a nice self-sustainable lifestyle and traveling. Traveling offers the Outsiders the experience of feeling ‘accepted’ as watchers of society because in this context were intrigued by these new surrounds while in our environment we’re slaves to all the expectations and relationship dynamics that exist.

It’s perfectly normal, and that feeling also will transform into something else but till it does, explore that feeling and live it to the maximum of its potential.

The constrains of eastern philosophy seems so valid in that every component of our psyche serves a purpose and if each work in tandem, the harmonious interaction may yield the purest percpertion of reality. (Kenosis previously mentioned)

This illusionary nature of our egos and emotions are often scorned, yet if one observes them they can be invaliable to gaining a more comprehensive insight into which drives predominate and how to healthily channel or subliminate them.

Speaking of drives which the engram system seems like an intruging, although with catergorisation you can never be to certain ha ha. Did you get the observer too?

When you recognise how falliable and destructive western conventions are it logically follows to prevent your unconious from interalising them. So perhaps thats also why many experience similar drives, they intuitively recognise they inhabit a spiritually impeding environment.

Personally, being an outsider or not doesnt evoke too greater a fixation. A soul type connection would be lovely although as time passes it becomes more apparent how valuable it is to interact with younger souls. A release from your own inherent intensity can be a welcome change. Being present in social networks like at uni is an ideal opportunity to adapt to this form of connection as the reality becomes apparent you may not encounter a similar personality.

Know you don’t believe you don’t deserve respect, but I certainly hold your insight in the highest regard. A little unrealted but your mention of marriage is akin to a suffocating chain which is purely to entrap the potential spouse, which is so true. Nonetheless from a pragmatic perspective wouldn’t it be easier to pool your resources. There was a very candid article written by a single adoptive parent which mentioned she yearned for marriage not for love but rather “someone to fight in the trenches with” is life really such a battle ground on your own?
Being perenially single and considering it as a perminant status, is this a lifestyle option that is that strenous?

Warm regards, and thanks as always ( Even though its just message based discourse you’re are one of the few people, besides my gran that I’ve ever felt truly connected to. Hope thats not too personal or verging on creepy ha ha)

The problem with Eastern philosophy is that many of its practices are not enough or as effective for some people with a Western psyche like meditation or yoga. Their ego is entirely different from ours, they don’t have as much an individual sense of self as we do as they perceive themselves as part of a collective (hence why Asians and Hindu’s are so often ‘group’ natured and patient, often impractically repetitive tasks). I’ve observed many struggle with this, these an immense necessity for a ‘catharsis’ of sorts of Western minds who carry so much more neuroticism. I’ve mentioned previously this topic will be one of my future short articles.

With Enneagrams I rank highly as an Observer and a Boss. It’s often a good combination when taking on the role to teach but can be easily a double edged sword if the person is not aware.

Generally I think it’s in the moments of the awakening of the maturer souls intensity that they can’t stand being around younger souls, perhaps cause they serve as a reminder of everything they hate they once use to find in themselves. As time progresses that Outsiderness dies down and they become more centered in the path of the middle, or the Tao, where they are in the world but not a part of it in contrast to the Outsiders running away to caves. Young souls are perfect as they are, they are necessary as is everything else. It is by observing them that we can learn much about ourselves, they serve as mirrors into our own being.

Life by many is often perceived as a battlefield, perhaps why so many men (and women now) choose to walk around in military boots everywhere. I think of life more as a dance, a rhythm that you have to learn to adapt to, to listen carefully and flow with it. Life is a war for those who resist it and try to impose themselves on its stream. You don’t need a partner to dance though if you find one that can dance at your own rhythm it is very welcome and makes it even nicer.

Pragmatically marriage is convenient, but I’ve often been of the idea to travel the bumpiest road so as to learn more from its rhythm. Keeping clear financial boundaries is more practical in my experience; there’s no common treasury that the opposition is arguing how to spend differently. There are two separate kingdoms free to spend and gift to each other as they please.

I very much enjoy hearing your own discoveries and observations you come across in your journey, so thank you for sharing them with me. I do apologize as I believe you might have tried to add me on Facebook, but I have a habit of bulk ignoring all as I’ve almost exceeded my limit, feel free to try again.

I really feel identified with this article, as I have problems in shutting my mind. But what is the solution to shut your thoughts completely? Is it actually through meditation? Because I haven’t really tried meditation deeply. Or is it that you should learn to live with the constant thoughts, but learn not to identify with them? Is that enough?
I have problems with this when I want to fall asleep…
Thank you for this wise article!

One of the reasons why I started Involution is because I feel that meditation alone isn’t enough for many people from the West.

Eastern teachings of yoga and meditation are useful for some people but not everyone. Our illusionary “I” or ego is different here in the West than in East as they have a much less defined individual identity than we do considering themselves more as a collective group. Culturally they believe in reincarnation which is why everything (science, technology etc..) has evolved and developed so slowly.

For many people with the Western psyche, I feel first we must create an inner balance that will allow us to benefit more from these great methods. Self-Love for example in the form of full acceptance of the good and bad within us, exploring our minds and the attachments we have to different aspects of the world would both aid in this.

I suggest you try meditation and see if it works for you. It doesn’t have to be formal meditation, it can be at any time of the day; while your driving the car or watching a movie remember to look inward by asking yourself “Who is experiencing this?”. Slowly the gap between ‘you’ and the experience will slowly expand allowing you to quiet your mind to a greater extent.

If Eastern methods fail, there are many more dynamic methods of approach ‘awareness’ through sacred ritual that absorb you into a trance, through physical catharsis etc..

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About Us

Walk the path less traveled

Our names are Aletheia Luna and Mateo Sol and we currently live in Perth, Western Australia.

Our mission is to help others embrace the path of the lone wolf and listen to the soul’s calling. Our goal is to provide a grounded and balanced perspective of spirituality that doesn’t bypass the raw, real, and messy aspects of spiritual growth or psychological development.

We are deeply drawn to exploring and exposing both the light and shadow side of human nature and spirituality. We strive towards integration, balance, wholeness, and embracing both the sacred and wild aspects of being human. Read more.