If Facebook Were Yelp

Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook’s co-founder and chief executive, announced ‘graph search’ today.… It is also an effort to elbow aside other Web services designed to unearth specific kinds of information, like Yelp for restaurants.—the Times

JANE4.5 StarsGood for Groups: YesAttire: Casual

—Terrific friend, would definitely recommend her.

—I’ve spent years going to Jane for conversation and drinks. She’s got a GREAT vibe and REALLY knows how to listen.

—Jane’s the best-kept secret in town! From the moment you see her beautiful smile you know you will be coming back. She will see the good in you and really encourage you when you’re down. I wish things weren’t so platonic with her but you win some, you lose some.

—JANE SUCKS!!!!

***

ALEX3 StarsAmbience: FriendlyGood for Kids: Yes

—Alex is ALWAYS sweet and VERY reasonable. Hang out with him if you want to feel like you’re at home.

—I live within walking distance of Alex so he’s really convenient. But I doubt I’d make the effort if I lived farther away. Nothing that special, but O.K. every once in a while, when you can’t decide who to get drinks with.

—Call him if you’re bored, I’m sure he’ll pick up (L.O.L.).

—ALEX SUCKS!!!!

***

STEPHEN2 starsPrice Range: $$$$Accepts Credit Cards: Yes

—I will NOT be hanging out with Stephen again. Totally full of himself.

—Super pretentious vibe. Stephen’s all appearances and his shtick gets old real quick. It’s like, we get it, you’re an atheist—that alone doesn’t make you interesting.

—A friend recommended Stephen to me at a party and at first I was a HUGE fan. My roommate couldn’t stand him but I was hooked! He really opened my mind to a lot of things, like how hypocritical the government is ON BOTH SIDES, and how we’re, like, all SLAVES to our cell phones, which is SUPER true. But after a while it got kind of enough? Like I think deep down he actually really regrets dropping out of law school? If you’re in the mood for an ACTUALLY good conversation I’d recommend Jane.

—He won’t ask you anything about yourself but worth a try for one of his amusing rants. Warning: I do NOT recommend the James Joyce conversation.

—Left a SERIOUSLY bad taste in my mouth. REALLY cheap and you can tell, always makes me wait, and I can’t get a word in edgewise. And his views on everything, from gender to politics, were just DISGUSTING. He makes Stephen look like Carl Sagan.

—Every time I hit up Chad I feel sick afterward. At first he’s fun in, like, an ironic way, but he WILL give you a headache and probably food poisoning.

—GREAT BANG FOR YOUR BUCK!!!!

Illustration by Istvan Banya

Ethan Kuperberg won a Peabody Award for his work on the TV series “Transparent.”