Thursday, January 28, 2010

2010: 7 Steps Out Of Addiction

I have worked in the addiction field for 40 years, since I began researching my book, Love and Addiction (1975), about addictive sex and love. I take a non-disease approach, since I find the idea that you are born to be a lifelong addict unhelpful.

I created the Life Process Program for the St. Gregory Retreat Center. Although we deal with substance addictions at St. Gregory, my model of addiction applies to all kinds - gambling, sex, binge eating and anorexia, et al.

Here are the seven elements to our recovery program, ones you can apply to whatever concerns you:

1. It's not the addiction, it's the rest of your life. You've been thinking about that damned addiction for decades, so more thought in that direction has limited value. What you need to think about is fulfillment in the rest of your life - including relationships, work and educational goals, community, life satisfaction. Then the addiction might not just melt away, but it will sure be easier to manage.

2. What do you value? Everyone has a reason to quit. You've thought about how your habit is hurting your health, your self-respect, your family, your career goals - pick one suit in that deck of cards and play it. Run through the connections between what you are doing and what really matters to you. Think of the smoker whose daughter says, "Why are you killing yourself daddy. Don't you love me?"

3. Get in with the in crowd. It is so obvious and it's been repeated so much - but I have to restate it. Hang out with people who behave the way you'd like to, and are the kind of person you'd like to be. If they don't want to spend all night smoking, drinking, and doing lord knows what - well, you'll have to learn to do the kinds of things your role models enjoy. Then, pretty soon, you're like them!

4. It works - I can control myself! Savor the rewards of your new behavior - your new self - the respect, the clean air, the free time, the productivity, the health - the happiness. You can do it - you've done it before, either with this addiction or some other. Pat yourself on the back - you're a mover and a shaker. Just look modest when people ask you how you quit, lost weight, or got going on that health regimen - nobody likes a braggart!

5. Engage your loved ones. It's a fine line between blaming others for - or worse, implicating them in - your addiction. But your life partner and others close to you are keys to recovery. Think about the ways they feed into your habits. Then think harder about how to ask for their help in reversing these patterns - remember, you're requesting help, not accusing them.

6. What's your plan? Being addicted is usually not planned, like those ads that mock the idea of kids saying they want to grow up to be alcoholics. So you have to plan your days, your career, your relationships. I know - you were Mr. or Ms. "What, me worry?" But look where that got you! You need a daily planner; you need a life plan.

7. Aim higher. When you think about an addictive habit, it's so puny, so trivial - feeding your urges, your face. Let's come up with something bigger to focus on. Politics? Poverty? Community? Religion? Art? Your own family and life goals? You tell me what you think is really worth devoting yourself to in life.

And, remember: nothing, nobody is perfect. If you count the people who never take another dance with their monkey - or at least sample some other intoxicant from the one they nailed themselves to a cross on - you don't even have to use all your fingers. The goal is to avoid relapsing into your former addict identity and lifestyle. You can always climb back up, even after you've descended a couple of steps. Just do it!

Monday, January 25, 2010

If you don't have a dream, how are you going to make a dream come true?
- Oscar Hammerstein II

Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.
- Thich Nhat Hanh

Life really can be so simple... You create your opportunities by asking for them.
- Patty Hansen

The 3 hardest tasks in the world are neither physical feats nor intellectual achievements, but moral acts: to return love for hate, to include the excluded, and to say, "I was wrong."
- Sydney J. Harris

Almost any event will put on a new face when received with cheerful acceptance.
- Henry S. Haskins

Vision is not enough, it must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, we must step up the stairs.
- Vaclav Havel

Happiness is as a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.
- Nathaniel Hawthorne

When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace.
- Jimi Hendrix

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often.
- Oliver Herford

I've been searching for days, for the exact red for this rose. Yet I don't have the color, that He chose.
- Toon Hermans

Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go.
- Hermann Hesse

We sometimes get all the information, but we refuse to get the message.
- Cullen Hightower

Success seems to be connected with action. Successful people keep moving. They make mistakes, but they don't quit.
- Conrad Hilton

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Here are the seven elements to our recovery program, ones you can apply to whatever concerns you:

1. It's not the addiction, it's the rest of your life. You've been thinking about that damned addiction for decades, so more thought in that direction has limited value. What you need to think about is fulfillment in the rest of your life - including relationships, work and educational goals, community, life satisfaction. Then the addiction might not just melt away, but it will sure be easier to manage.

2. What do you value? Everyone has a reason to quit. You've thought about how your habit is hurting your health, your self-respect, your family, your career goals - pick one suit in that deck of cards and play it. Run through the connections between what you are doing and what really matters to you. Think of the smoker whose daughter says, "Why are you killing yourself daddy. Don't you love me?"

3. Get in with the in crowd. It is so obvious and it's been repeated so much - but I have to restate it. Hang out with people who behave the way you'd like to, and are the kind of person you'd like to be. If they don't want to spend all night smoking, drinking, and doing lord knows what - well, you'll have to learn to do the kinds of things your role models enjoy. Then, pretty soon, you're like them!

4. It works - I can control myself! Savor the rewards of your new behavior - your new self - the respect, the clean air, the free time, the productivity, the health - the happiness. You can do it - you've done it before, either with this addiction or some other. Pat yourself on the back - you're a mover and a shaker. Just look modest when people ask you how you quit, lost weight, or got going on that health regimen - nobody likes a braggart!

5. Engage your loved ones. It's a fine line between blaming others for - or worse, implicating them in - your addiction. But your life partner and others close to you are keys to recovery. Think about the ways they feed into your habits. Then think harder about how to ask for their help in reversing these patterns - remember, you're requesting help, not accusing them.

6. What's your plan? Being addicted is usually not planned, like those ads that mock the idea of kids saying they want to grow up to be alcoholics. So you have to plan your days, your career, your relationships. I know - you were Mr. or Ms. "What, me worry?" But look where that got you! You need a daily planner; you need a life plan.

7. Aim higher. When you think about an addictive habit, it's so puny, so trivial - feeding your urges, your face. Let's come up with something bigger to focus on. Politics? Poverty? Community? Religion? Art? Your own family and life goals? You tell me what you think is really worth devoting yourself to in life.

And, remember: nothing, nobody is perfect. If you count the people who never take another dance with their monkey - or at least sample some other intoxicant from the one they nailed themselves to a cross on - you don't even have to use all your fingers. The goal is to avoid relapsing into your former addict identity and lifestyle. You can always climb back up, even after you've descended a couple of steps. Just do it!

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

As the Baby Boomer generation continues to grow older, the percentage of older Americans who use illicit drugs is increasing dramatically. According to a new study, this could mean that substance abuse treatment services required for adults 50 and over may double by the year 2020.

Marijuana and the nonmedical use of prescription drugs are the two most common drugs of abuse among people 50 and over.

1. We affirm we have the power to take charge of our lives and stop being dependent on substances or other people for our self-esteem and security

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol--that our lives had become unmanageable

step 1 is an affirmation of strength and the innate ability to eliminate dependenceunlike AA's admission of powerlessness, defined as "quality of lacking strength or power; being weak and feeble; not very positive or encouraging"

2 belief that a higher power, awakens the healing wisdom within US when we open ourselves to the power,rather than "came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity;which takes away one's own belief in themselvesand places the responsibility on an unknown source.

3) We make a decision to become our authentic selves and trust in the healing power of the truth. as opposed to,Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.which once again places responsibility and accountability in the hands of an unseen force

4) We examine our beliefs, addictions and dependent behavior in the context of living in a hierarchical, patriarchal culture.AA #4 statesMade a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.correct me if im wrong, but i've been told for over 20 years that i'm not a bad person;i don't have moral issues, i'm just a sick person

why would i need to make a moral inventory?

5) We share with another person and the Universe all those things inside of us for which we feel shame and guilt.12 & 16 very similar

6) We affirm and enjoy our intelligence, strengths and creativity, remembering not to hide these qualities from ourselves and others.AA--Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

here is where aa starts to lose me. nothing can be removed from us, short of a personality lobotomy, the best anyone can hope for is an improvement of character flaws.the entire premise is flawed and unrealistic. there is no heavenly force that removes anything from the psyche of a human being.here the 16 reinforces positives of character rather than repeated negative focuswe are allowed to affirm them with ourselves, and share them with others.

7) We become willing to let go of shame, guilt, and any behavior that keeps us from loving ourselves and others.aa says . Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomingsredundant second half of step 6... why not ask him to help you win the lotto while you're at it?

8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.the 16 says;We make a list of people we have harmed and people who have harmed us, and take steps to clear out negative energy by making amends and sharing our grievances in a respectful way.

my biggest problem with the 12 occurs right here. never in the steps are we encouraged to list those who harmed us.and safely share our issues with them . especially crucial for women who have been victims of multiple forms of abuse and never have an opportunity for closure.

11) We promptly admit to mistakes and make amends when appropriate, but we do not say we are sorry for things we have not done and we do not cover up, analyze, or take responsibility for the shortcomings of others.step 10 in aa says

10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

once again no opportunity to address the shortcomings of others. how many women out there are still paying for a debt you never owed?

is there any lingering envy when socializing withfamily or friends who drink safely?

what do you do to fill those times of the daywhen a drink was the thing to do?

when do you experience the joys of recovery most?

if it were possible to drink safely, would you?

have you ever been on a 12 step call?

do you believe that this allergy progresseseven when abstinent, or is it just the combinationof mother nature & father time, reminding usthat we could never imbibe like the previousdecade(s) of our life?

why does there always have to be a long-windedold timer in every recovery room?

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Not only is use rising, but a key belief about the degree of risk associated with marijuana use has been in decline among young people even longer, and the degree to which teens disapprove of use of the drug has recently begun to decline. Changes in these beliefs and attitudes are often very influential in driving changes in use."

The number of teens using any illicit drug also increased over the past two years, but that increase was fueled by the increase in marijuana use, which is by far the most widely used illicit drug.

The latest MTF study indicated the following illicit drug use:

15 percent of 8th graders

29 percent of 10th graders

37 percent of 12th graders

just when we thought the message was getting throughthe reality is, that kids are going to do what the other kidsare doing.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

sorry about the length of this, but it contains some crucial infoas DSM V is formulated-(Diagnostic and Statistical Manualof Mental Disorders)

Disease concept not part of DSM-V

The Stanton Peele Addiction Website, December 13, 2009. This blog post also appeared on Stanton's Addiction in Society blog at PsychologyToday.com.Will Sex Addiction Be in DSM-V?

The fight over the new psychiatric manual, DSM-V, has escalated. The conflict is due to an underlying flaw in the manual's conception. Rather than tracing human activity in terms of its impact for people's lives, it instead attempts to list each separate manifestation of abnormal functioning. This is madness.

Christopher Lane has been ably tracking the travails of the birth - the conception - of DSM-V, the updated psychiatric diagnostic manual. (Note: I was part of the advisory group for DSM-IV substance use disorders, but I have no role in DSM-V.)

Among the quandaries faced by a group of experts whose job is to define our mental disorders - and thus how we define our society - is what comprises aberrant behavior worthy of psychiatric attention. The title of Lane's book, Shyness: How Normal Behavior Became a Sickness, indicates his primary concern - that slightly off-center behavior is regarded as sick.

Lane's discussion of DSM-V highlights "the serious risks of manipulation by drug companies who are eyeing every poorly conceived idea and proposal - bitterness disorder, apathy disorder, internet addiction disorder," et al. According to embittered DSM-IV editor Dr. Allen Frances, this will lead to the "medicalization of normality that will trivialize mental disorder and lead to a deluge of unneeded medication treatments."

At the same time, parents and patients are assailing psychiatry with truly pathological cases of absorption in video games and porno, among other things, such that marriages, social functioning - really all normal life functioning - are impaired. These people NEED sex and video games included in DSM-V to validate their experience and to offer them hope.

So, with all due respect to Messers. Lane and Frances, the problem is not in identifying too many debilitating preoccupations as mental disorders. It is in listing the objects of people's preoccupations in separate sections of the diagnostic manual.

For instance, there is a substance use disorder section in DSM-IV - not an addiction section. In fact, "addiction" doesn't appear in DSM-IV, but only the terms substance "dependence" and "abuse." The use of these non-technical words highlights the underlying problem: "You mean the only things human beings can abuse or become dependent on are drugs and alcohol?" Every sentient human being knows that's untrue.

In fact, the DSM-IV substance use section lists a range of problems people may incur through drug-taking and drinking. But what such an approach implicitly recognizes - that drug use and alcohol are themselves not inherently problematic - undercuts the validity of having a separate section designating only substance use disorders.

The section currently, wisely, doesn't define substance problems as diseases. People are diagnosed as being in remission when they cease misusing a substance - thus, the majority of people who have ever been alcohol dependent in America still drink but are no longer alcoholic, according to DSM-IV categories.

My requests that DSM-IV state this explicitly were rejected. But there is no longer room for pussy-footing. DSM-V can only make sense if it (1) specifies addictions and other problems in terms of the severity of the life disruptions they cause (e.g., schizophrenia not defined by hallucinations, or obsessive compulsive disorder by specific preoccupations), (2) conceives disorders not as traits but as conditions or experiences that vary depending on people's life stages and situations.

Unfortunately people who advocate for these "illnesses" - and psychiatry's diagnostic manual - insist on each condition being separated into its own domain. The very act of designating specific disorders creates a sense that people are defined by their conditions and that they may never escape them. It also leads to an infinite expansion of such conditions.

Categorizing psychological problems in terms of the severity of their consequences has the potential to cut the size and shape of the manual drastically. If DSM-V insists on listing each specific manifestation of dysfunctional behavior and thought, then the kind of turf fights we are witnessing for each disorder are inevitable.

And DSM-V will start looking like the Oxford English Dictionary in its inclusiveness - and size.

Oh, the answer to the question posed by the title of this post is that addiction should be defined, and the list of activities and experiences that potentially meet the criteria sampled but not exhaustively enumerated and described individually.