Reducing stress when separating

This is the most important decision you will make..and will determine the amount of anguish and conflict you will face in the next months and years.

Many family lawyers love to litigate and aim to create as much conflict between the couple.

Why ? Its good for their income.

So some family lawyers will make the process as complex and adversarial as possible..

We’ve all heard horror stories about extreme legal bills that decimate the asset pool..Money that could be so much better spent providing for the family’s needs.

Ask for a quote..If you don’t get one ..beware.

Think of mediation as an alternative..the sole aim of mediation is for the couple to find ways to resolve differences and move on as reasonably as possible.

Get emotional support

Stay in contact with supportive family members and friends . It is important you choose who to unload to..choose people that are good listeners. And ideally people that don’t fuel your rage and discontent.

You may benefit from professional advice such as a psychologist to help you deal with the emotional turmoil which may occurs as the process unfolds.

Consider carefully your relationships.

It is important to think about the impact of your separation on you and your family members. For example your children will probably want and need to have ongoing relationships with their grandparents and other family members on both sides..Thus you need to consider how you communicate with everyone..not just your ex.

Also you may consider cutting out toxic friendships..think about how and why these difficult relationship will be good for you and your children in the future.

Focus on the future.

It is easy to get stuck in the past and the blame game about why this relationship has failed. All this does is keep you miserable and unable to move on..

Once you have made the decision ..looking back is usually extremely unhelpful. Keep visualizinghow you want your life to look in the future..

As best you can, maximise self care..Eat well, get regular exercise, enough sleep. Easier said than done when under extreme stress..but worth trying to achieve as best you can.

Once the legal issues are resolved, the next chapter of your life can begin. Some family law conflicts can take years to get sorted. Meanwhile parents miss so much of their children’s development, consumed by legal fees and legal issues instead of the children’s lives, interests and needs.