08-09-17 Seg 4 - The Mens Room Answers the Door

Wednesday, August 9th

00:34:15

Profile This, TV Time with Ted has clips from Jimmy Kimmel and Seth Meyers! Plus we end the show with Headlines

Transcript - Not for consumer use. Robot overlords only. Will not be accurate.

This is dumb men's room. Addictive. You are listening to. His room was miles and spread. President consulted standing by for another edition profiled as a stake Heller and I'm right now 844999. All level play profile that's coming up in minute. Your headlines on the way one hour from now the first quick check in in my cock for some of the stories and headlines he is not working on credit you've ever wondered how much ink there isn't a ballpoint pen. Someone spent six days drawing a smiley faces look one before it finally ran out. Could I mean could you just call like me it and say hey man adjectives in there ballpoint pen to. Arabic makes ballpoint pen then I don't know that's at what's the difference between a ballpoint pen right there. Well you felt it manageable point that I went to ballpoint pen the city this is. Got a ballpoint pen right here so at the bottom it's literally a bowl. That's is Roland who inked in them what are you write that he goes on to the paper that you have to hand over to one you never want to hand children and the ones that look. Spongy you're kind of on the bottom if you don't think of rights he'll fit right generally speaking right I hate those. That's why you don't get that gets. More ink you have to clean off of the face of women for almost fascism themselves. It since they don't smile if it. You have a job. Obviously not determine where I don't have six days to do nothing but girls my best stuff when your favorite then. Hurt and a few cuts deep I have favorite events into look man who are are really good pens out there and I hate to say this and if you worked in a restaurant industry I apologize but. I've made over the credit card if I really like where you can write him some real smooth. Forward to it. Mike I have a favorite and fiscal with somebody the other day today. One rule you can't use that that I can be used in all stages they were using it's like couldn't physically I. I got the pins that I like using better than others they write better they handled letter. I don't know but I have a favorite and used a lot of pins minded. Viewed and out of bed and none of them is my favorite you're talking about living selling career and and I a lot of and I okay act in have a favorite weapon and if it highlights them better than others. And more if it turns. Of forty or hero Metallica fan was arrested after he got drunk at their concert in Glendale Arizona and urinated on a couple and their ten year old kid as he did. A drunk are you. Real drug that drug sad but true my. And forgiven now damaged that it's it's an. Unbelievable. If the imminent benefit of a deluge of voting on a Baird and he went number one. We got Metallica he joked today and seek and destroy him the Dan wanted to kill off. You might like to. America act. A bear got into a car in Denver released the parking brake and ran over a mailbox that was fantastic and improved and but those are my crap we can't forget that Jordan I mean yeah ice got good. Moved to them when their car start to move any dumped a huge load the car by going out to got through when the car crashed into the mailbox the owners of the car thought someone a human being installed on select all the cops. The cops that luck we're pretty sure is fair to the compound compare move with a little of RB bag out they prefer the bare left a calling card of viewers. Have to trickled to do read his team he didn't I commitment Smokey Bear through the left little camper and on the ruby moon and travel brutal part of who can recruit call. A news study found that watching other people washed her hands as relaxing for people with those CD. Flat which would make sense I guess. Are seeing ads that maybe this is after both of them thinking about the they're they're seen as somebody. Be clean and organized. Now all. He lacks the washing their hands after they leave the bathroom frankly I think this sounds creepy to me. And I Latin people watched that hands doesn't sit there like it says it relaxing for them. I just think. It's only unreal like it only bugs me when you watch somebody like wash and not really washed her brides getting wet right at a bathroom any. And I think that's what's out of it relaxes me watching somebody Washington where are you were you watching people watch rent and it got bad their I didn't want to. My Q why is also about taxes and sometimes you start chat me somebody and then short they're washing up you're not really random but you're ready to leave and that was there which haven't left yet to be talking will wash your hands. Rent so and so. Have a pulse double pump that so too has a sound case. Hubble's senior ABCs with. It it's what I like your ten dollar ticket if that's if you never heard that. What wash your ABC yet but will you wash your hands new singer ABC when you're down and you wash your hands for humanity and the need to contract yeah obviously not in my back back back back. Says the never Brinkley I mean technically you want to order a 32. Whatever we're in the food industry say. Did you actually think your ABC it'll washing your hands or he worked and I didn't literally saying the ABC's now they re doing your head that there was a stupid sign above the sink because people were dumb with the way that they wash their hands on at that somebody got in trouble. As a lids say do your beat you when you were afternoon. Because people would do that needs to. I'd I hosted I have a funny that it's always worked in restaurants close with life. And like everywhere you go it takes in at least like thirty seconds actually watches I look at that what I used. And I think I not heard that I prefer that. A two and a one year old and a Pennsylvania tried to beat a court ordered drug test last week by bringing a condom full of clean urine in Gwinnett. But someone was listening in and heard a popping sound instead of what you expect that if you're there. The word to put it into the cup in the way grab a needle itself I'm confident guy you normally just open it I mean that's those holes one technique for. Skating violent drug test miles and and McConnell on different. Down because he you know the DNC double lay at the time that they really cared about academics and they wanted to make your certificate with those guys out there playing football make in the millions of dollars. God almighty god forbid they were smoking pot. I don't think I've ever known anyone who could've provided clean me now I don't images in my group of friends like there's no one to ask. Some home I probably would have been arrested several thousand horses. Your body right here for. I write my. You might go to. I think what I was Mike's agent bond market surveillance that it yet thank them arguably you could be equally well I didn't smoke that. There's just as bad news a man who was born when norm learned to use his feet to shoot a bow and aero Colorado come in handy Andy doesn't think. The is half of the futures and settled he's OK now I've alls well that government and that as. At you know one of the best archers in the world is a guy cheats and ski. But to say he just won a world archery championships over the weekend and you never seen this guy now who really are too lenient. I'm telling you he's really good but it it's crazy isn't all that fat with a if it's not Columbia because students it's. I think I don't mean to laugh but I can't duplicate. Pathetic that Mike don't flattens a world champion. Only. He could provide hundreds of yards away a strong but needs to be that I would back that there. How strong is little total dollar and it just got completely east east pull that thing back my heels and I were at a bar wants man and all it took effect in. A mild stuffing goes. And man the other effort eaten food to feed. And yeah importantly it is those rather was the bottom his feet were filtered but he's eating of the old rate got miles may have all the thing was we knew the bartender but he's cleaver camera I've files as well. See here's the problem I thought about this through the reasons they are so dirty it's very hard to wash your feet and bathroom think cigarettes when you don't have hand I was this Nike can't even put your hands down you can't stand. Put the feet in the water than a whale very complicated enough funds through. It. But it didn't you've never seen anything I mean we couldn't take our eyes all of them I don't mean is there one by now and by the Lindsay. I'd like hos there LeMay. I'm like Hindu like it's a tiny you you don't eat bacon Iraq bar got thrown out only okay and I hope we go so now than. That makes sense that happening right it's going to happen anywhere that we the public he's he's Jenny food iron to you know movie walk at at the front of us. Other money if we. Get to the how to pick of the big world hang. Slick in the right them to the it. And finally a couple of the Abbas Al by the way I'm wrong that guy pulls it back with my neck okay. And then he just uses his feet control not merely the vote I get the countess and yeah it's a double that the implausible and got kicked out of the Wisconsin state fair added that they Eldorado and are now. Megabyte knock headlines are coming up one hour from now but urged the the through resists. Yes even throw helmeted police start to one how profile this is played a search and miles and thus double game where whichever you over the life news story. Something happened right here on planet earth. Or are. And as you listen to the story based on the stereotypes you believed to be two people and the decisions that people make bullets wouldn't do you think makes the story a story. Hello Joseph welcome to them and liquor and the parent are. All right Joseph you understand how the game was buoyed. Yes. Fantastic here is restored to the nineteen year old kid he was an employee at a goodwill retail and donation center in east Naples fort. Good wilders had him arrested for giving discounts to four feet. People come to goodwill in the couldn't afford to close that they needed this guy you give me discount but the store figured out acquired. In the nickel cops don't facing felony theft chart. And he says look good well lose the giving and helping companies are took it upon myself to be giving and helping the department the right place currently is at once. Not almost all of the wool pulled the goodwill who donated for free. What do goodwill spokeswoman says that the point of goodwill store is not primarily to quote people it's to raise money that will help poor people in her community. Now a reporter earlier this your short tons of goodwill store employees that make less than minimum wage and they can do that of the charitable organization. But the topic thanks to goodwill. Yet they make six figures that of course they do have courts that's good well do you believe that this guy who actually was trying to do the right thing my own trying to defraud goodwill we do believe this guy they fired is black white to match you were Asian. I you can that would enable these people yet he's maple floor. I would have to lean more toward the black. The black people the black. Walnut doubt disable action. And make your blood on front but it is everything sounds were Naples is full of the whites. This isn't isn't doing well so if your poor your report doesn't matter what walk of life ago rooms at the hodgepodge of anybody. Yeah they're all over here and northwest as well now I am I give a lot of Michael's a goodwill I feel bad about and goodwill CEO makes six figures are probably won't do that anymore. I don't think so maybe you know the agenda the good gender. You know trying to get the discount. I would say terms lacked. I'm listening based on the charges. It's going to be black or Mexican. The trying to prosecuted him although I don't know that when I'm gonna say it's black. Stagnant and landed probably live with a slap on the wrist that. Especially in a white neighborhood as a prominently white out there I would finally it's. I'm gonna go look black. We'll find out he was black white makes the or Asian next. T you are listening to the men's or radio network. Smiles so. We'll follow things is Naples Florida and a fellow working it to a goodwill store. And he's trying to do some good bye offering a discount at least in his mind doing some good about offering a discount to some families who cannot afford some of the things they need that the good Willie was either. Giving a major discounter. Just giving it away for free either way goodwill finds out about this and they brought the hammer now they've they've pressed charges fired the guy everything else of these get a felony charge you guys treason felony charges fifth. I wanted to implement Guatemala did and the guy was front runner racquet users trying to help people and Joseph we ask you do believe this guy was black and white makes your eighth. And you with your thought process and am I am based on the charges based number is that it will you adjustable. Yes there. Oh I'm. Barry white's. Why it's like us. I mean nineteen year old afternoon Bruno like where he has had a thing and Hank meekly against goodwill write but it just seems. A little excessive ballots used some. Yet in Naples just that white it is very wide it is still like you've never seen anything so wide your life with them. I know for all the TV news all the time it is time for TV time would dare. Because you are pathetic life. Inclined to countless hours in front of a talking box and the men's room presents. Pete working in LA be nice. Working an island working in LA you know nobody works in LA into a TV in LA right bigger kind of glamorous job ought be like Ron Burgundy you get ugly person on TV. But you figure you go to LA you do all these fancy stories and but LA at lake any other city as bucks. Of course that even roaches. So this one comes to us from TT LE five basically very attractive on news moment. Doing standup and Brady's you'll hear reactions she's about to start she notices the brooch on her and then the cameraman with a gonna help but. In it's that big gas wrote I was just there at her everywhere throughout flew my kid and freaked the hell out the big in their green on low now like I don't know what it is man it's sometime wrote and it flies and it's it looks like a bird believing get on the reports. If it. I. Now with us at. The outset of the likely a beetle. I think you're seem to be fly down the road just lie okay. Anyone but are we dared to do yeah right here and get that off via. Person in the world news and the gets put Goldberg who's not married to cameraman but they all do salaries. You know 'cause that saved the day they O'Meara. A camera I think here's the deal she's out of the field to elect the stand upright yeah so right is she got a notice in brushes it off the camera and kind of comes hours you've heard him and civic now as we try to help it. But it is a bloop. They US and do anything but then the guy. Looks like the weather got a sports guy he's on the outside of the death via the Asian thing. That's well known that married cameraman Netscape. Now lay legislate I mean look a few people over to TV I've never heard that theory maybe true but you get two guys going on assignment you've got a camera person whoever that reporters that two people counselor working together and you know after awhile. It's paid more. The kidney cameraman or person on screen. Development ma'am union shop would dictate that but he has to cameraman still on the heavy lift and he has so you know he gets paid to get it just like the road he's who loaded Metallica they get more than Lars and James combined if you go to the rats the dishwasher probably gets paid the least that anybody that it. Right they do all of the heavy part of the story of the waiter doesn't show what one day maybe every with a little extra tax being the cook of trouble and they might suck. Richard give your dishwasher doesn't show like the whole place collapse but they get paid the least. Yet just you know like and generally that's the rule I don't know why but maybe just with a cameraman might be different now does that feel like. If you're like TV reported that does stand up may well stand up report right now like you know I know well enough to America because try these new drug is. And the god Graham mockery and mean and nobody environment where tampered ally their collections Graham walk free news. All rotted they come right now. Yeah it didn't me. Everybody is this like that weird thing on FaceBook where you see some Indiana pops up well okay so we're in the new studio. They have these specific trial they're guard grandma's stand which pretty heavily Brighton. That sounds awful. So who that was the missing I don't look at a cookies you know the brand Graham not pilgrim on that. So. Well you know right now one of the but at target this TV thing but you can't just how powerful my outlook my. Out woman did a new segment would rotund boo could give a damn cookie and there's tiny little creams and they are grandma's got she feels that the well yeah. But it's funny somebody else that works it was a is. Alec and then I don't either. Grow up man that delicious cookies so I knew the back in my mind they grow up man third delicious little could have somehow that statement it's like famous famous. Aggregate adult. Dude a grim green so I think alcohol at noon the grim rock greens were in there I think that's I just record they've. Economic problems and all I am very excited I was I mean it's very off that you both math and you know. It and it works out that well you're right it's like you're listening to me privately the end does that mean to me she's you don't worry headphone what you're talking to a microphone I. He's not a conspiracy theory like dude I think Robin. Is listening to. Yeah and it is totally going on Amazon sells them like every single website you pop on as the ad for what you're looking for like it did you did you ever consider the fact I might have already bought the and that's why I was on Amazon. Is there filter on the I can deal with plate if I look something up and but. Like last weekend ST some shrimp in old day. And how all my social feeds are full all bay I smelled it I don't think I Google rolled it. Maybe I didn't. But I doing their own slogan. Idol bay that. It's up at Laguna. Which I am getting used completely out of context ally or a little bit better prefer I didn't Baghdad thank you Obey me Newton. Now in hot potato I don't beta. Play that might be good Elvis my new girlfriend fool. You still think I don't buy it. Rangel seizing on that neat how old gray bag. And the bad about it. Oh reboot yeah you. Now what day old baby like myself would never do you. Hit his. It's actually ratify an animal. Oh I imagine to write a feel comfortable now. So Robert patents and he's a famous actor you guys might recognize them from a twilight movies you know mysterious. And I think he was because of the manga and yet he was beaten really pasty chick for awhile cheated on yet the ones you rusting bit they get a little thing I'll that I Robin what what is hurting recruiting director of the Oregon. Still here I mean it negates the area meaning me meaner. She does that match how she looks like she just beat your ass for saying hi I think it I had Brett you've learned for all low. George was very unimpressed yeah yet. That is what is it that's a great mockery of the oak Robert Patten that in new movie. Now he was on Kimmel this is a while ago and he was talking about how there was a scene where he might have to do something to a dog. But he passed and I'll let him explain. My character colony has this tendency root root dogs and he thinks he is and see you know he thinks he has a dog in a previous life and has. And thinks he has control. Well since the nest once they entries. Which is. Especially there's that's a drug Buick on the bus and today they're dream that's sleeping with a dog and basically given the dog. And and we hit you. I if we movies we've got to lose weight that was what you were you the actor Robert patents and where you read or that's what the character who was doing that if they catch the thing that. I see mail ballots that I lost the train it like this is because we let me. Think Derrick is a real meadowbrook. Convicted that I don't know if that he's a breeder but you can't. If he does get a massage into. Up and I hope so it's good. And while the socket and they had this size in satisfies then we I didn't agree to do the real ones that we made we didn't make room read it to make Philippine. Yeah how. It was a great place every. Now Robert told this story you can imagine a that director wasn't pumped. He's he's got a same with the director told me to do that to a dog yeah. And then obviously the Peta people came around her like hey what's come on this movie set wire we sexually gratifying at an awful. That we dog dare question president first time Peters had a fair question yeah Lloyds man's best friend. Always a regret most surrendered or pay for and operate the benefit. Is Britain's best for an underdog by duke Durham man. Go home broke through to. Roads are your real actor there apartment but that's appropriate but I adding Al rubber pads that come out now instead the EE over exaggerated. You probably like anything else in the center just joking about. It would want to do Maria Liu and that's a joke that it would tell our guys are repeated its Hollywood I I get I get all three sides right. Your side which is like the director just kidding. I take the other side maybe the directory serious and in third. Maybe nobody said that at all patents and with jet just for the I mean he's on Jimmy Kimmel that. Whatever he is used to telling but it didn't happen to run as a matter it's like you know let's all point nine million people really weren't killed in this movie were a wave overtakes New York. He didn't really happen it's make believe. And if you can't figure than that now that if you can't separate. Fiction from reality. That you are an idiot throws that would be explained that he did not do you think he turned into a god damn vampire three movies go to whatever you. Blunt bluntly he was a vampire they're irrelevant really think that happened he was map and I really think he'd he's gonna live forever injuring two other people's bloody start high school and let's expand high school does again. Kennedy now pass high school right now for your hundred years old how many times got repeat agree. Yeah yeah right least the Highlander with anecdotal account to run out and go on. I ever got Fred leaves one dog. All our legs back. My god people. Is there a city that you could think of that you don't you know what I like about that city is it's now. It's Melanie sent. It's cents. Denial of the city I mean I have to depends on where you'll write you could be in a place and it's like to be go to national bakery in any city. You dig it. I thought there and alien and the city probably not there's areas of the French. Quarter the smelly gases or is this a French court is only delicious corn fried oysters shrimp catfish and also your opinion yeah. Her. Trigger right so most city you don't think of as having 888 overall good roll up and smell them all right now if you were gonna pick cities have probably had the worst ones. I would think of major cities as long build cities Limbaugh's right I mean just just based on size alone I would take like London and my New York City. Sure Beijing right right you're the actress known to report after. What Cleveland back until things they're not on a world level. Left London and New York City you never know relatively there's a Union Carbide plant in West Virginia close to where I grew up and they have two plants the world what West Virginia and one in India you can spell that plan twenty miles. Twenty months you can on the plane thing about listed in the of people that are committing just smell and it's melon for some. Would you ever by candle that smells like no union god I know dole now right correct and I did score and explains right I don't wanna bribe by a add New York City can't. Ivan is known as the upscale fragrance company didn't sink its release in Condo that they kind. Captures the sense of New York success. Not so I did take but I compete in the corner of my living room. That's why did you know get as it's seventy dollars. Seventy dollars and has done though so and also captures the economic reality of living in New York City. An attorney bonding moment. National city is not a great neighbor come nobody these bats have been the original name they cannot win which was on pit. In New York City eggs on the white picked. By the way it did so it's veto some of the comments became meant. Our members and giggles smells delicious just like jazz. I'm from Columbus, Ohio which of where there may Wonder Bread that smells delicious. Embassies have taken relate to this look on organs Mildred. You know I've been to the pot but a change is a tiny town run like a stoplight. So it's. Yeah yeah been a long view Washington. With a timber in the sawmills are all know those are little boy oh boy they blow open town Manuel talk you could fart all day and all would know Salisbury Maryland. All the chicken cross all the chickens added that's a wish I do remember driving to the south once going to college football game and with a little kid. And in religiously tunic for miles what is that smell but savings paper mill in Blacksburg smells like Celtic crap. That's another good though the welcome Blacksburg. Because it did. Did throw by put the president is the only place ever been to that seriously and agricultural school where the farm is on the campus. It is on the campus I mean literally walk past the pig on your way to English 101. It smells like a far. Lot of colleges have farms that yeah you outside of the area like on a farm and farm isn't in the middle of the city. For a golf ball are like that we'll strive to the farm its downtown. It's actually doesn't that. All right this is down and get out of the University of Maryland had knee as a small agricultural program round that I have a choice services. Thank doesn't say what happened here exactly at College Park we drive around campus would have been. Yeah give those and it was anomaly I know shorts and a Gillick I remember once taken a field trip to like a farm and got to mill creek now. Zeller sort of an order for the first movie ever to it was Mikhail. Yeah and the most recent me too yeah okay all Mike's web birdie right well no I don't I don't know I misunderstood values and how great touch was mom. Yeah. Now. Both of us that the true matter you don't want to admit it that's that your. The Apogee so tiny like that's different. I think at last for a long long time through lack of Grossman tomorrow seventies you never melt casting. Now once I don't know notes at. No not even one little Tug on the nipple that's all I've gotten is that it was like thirty kids are migrant its woes are not dig 80 like once. Davis to tuck who uploaded it you know these big like to that they brought out like seven individual things to clamp on every nipple and it took care. Yeah I mean those are Bennett a form were simply the children as a kid remember them talking about milking out. I can. Totals even as the tuna processing what I'm saying I understand producing Milken went into one giant who with four. Republican Apple's. I'm not barrel this I don't care if account. I go on the bag that's eliminating. A right. Got a funny when hear from Seth Meyers just talking about the outpouring and as an increase massaging. There users suggest that early exposure to pornography may be linked to misogynist thinking. Not to mention a very distorted sense of how pizza guys get tipped. I thought that was great I won't mention it but I knew for a while miles mean you'd like to joke around about a certain. Exulted beat him. Yes. Down the cooked up up up up I met with like the old pig. Exiles and beaten yet you watch old school board knew what to deliver pizzas all. Day every dance or you wanna be on mr. stab at vote fit that and it happened. They did ever go get your headlines coming up with my cock you are listening to the men's or radio network. Timely and Swiss miles. No let's see what's happening in the real work. Still no deal with cancer and worth double the size to have sex during a dog show at the Wisconsin state fair. Puyallup man says eight lizard in his Heineken has made him worse for the Wear. I did administer it turns out what they Moscow mule you're drinking a whole lot of copper to a woman has mowed down by a scooter gang on the London Bridge into the was nothing that she could do. And Europe has almost completely run out of butter it is time your headlines. It's time to hit it. Is Mike Koch. I was facing criminal charges after they were caught having sex in public at the Wisconsin state fair and did not hear that a bare hands in the air if it. The parrot got on video by a stranger but that didn't discourage them the man in the act merely wave the Cameron continued on his mission what did you wave. It's it prodigious all I'm gonna make or landfall as he could've made it worse depending what he chose to wave with. A good. The amazing thing is sister and like a dog competition laws were after the dog competition since I'm so important. Mike that is not our bats like that it's not that that that at that story is nothing. That's trail read the last two paragraphs of that story please for everyone to digest says quote criminal charges are pending against Anderson and Beasley who was who has bonded out of jail and it remains blocked of the little 400 dollars on in the lock them in jail. But point 84 dollars. He made according to his FaceBook page Beasley who lives in Milwaukee and works as a machine operator and a leathery at a leather entering. He also wrestled under the name of Bobby Valentino. With Wisconsin professional wrestling in local promotion outfit whose town roster includes revelers. Nick deuce he. At the diablo the clown he's going to a Anderson's FaceBook page describes her as a black widow and quote not a public advocate for. Please do really. Hard that's knock. Doctor shock and horror right or maybe just the other. Around the world another gives of not of hit another case of be. What they held their right above the book but we did write a good thing. And I hope I'm not being able to leave nature alone a man and Arizona offended deer out the middle of the desert just Billy Madison or from government thinks it. Anyway about the baby deer in the middle of the desert thought it was abandoned stupid out. It took it to local bar to see if anybody wanted to take it home and about that but I'm gonna save this little deer by taking it to a low. Are dependent on the ball back at McDonald's right uses bear front runner. It ended up in the hands of wild let visuals instead who will now airport for the rest of his life because. It can now no longer go back to the wild but he an eagle can like people like that that should they have to take like a life test when you're done and that you know like they've got to do community service like duty to take a written test justify that if your comment in life and why would you take it to. A ball right now I'm gonna say all right at all. All our friends about Barbara Logan her little baby Deere people leave it where things well maybe beards at the bar mom. Will be back at that we headlines with that my god and I tonight we appreciate it we'll see an exam the return of big dummy they had you have announced his meat and potatoes and no as Sherlock which is yes and being we've been all up out of habit but we do return so until then. Do what you do best and poorly this thing. Staff. The men's room has been date before a live studio audience wardrobe and makeup provided by the Manchester limited. Never presentation knows. The man truly feel that.