Author and father James Braly jumps into the fray today in a piece for the New York Timestitled, “Breastfeeding and Sex: Is Latching On a Turn-Off?” (Spoiler alert: The answer to that question is a big, fat YES.)

The article, in which he lays claim to his wife’s breasts and admits that seeing her nurse makes him dry-heave, isn’t likely to earn Mr. Braly legions of fans. But in amongst the pouting rhetoric, does he have a point? Should a father’s wants – and, according to the author, a father’s needs – be a factor in deciding when to wean?

It’s safe to say that Mr. Braly’s marriage has lacked intimacy since his two kids arrived, and it’s safe too to say that he’s not happy about it. To be fair, though, he seems to blame this state of “sexless fidelity” not on his wife’s decision to breastfeed so much as her decision to keep breastfeeding. You see, she’s nursing a kindergartener, “a five-and-a-half-year-old young man with a full set of teeth and chores.” Describing a scene where his wife took a time-out from a family picnic to nurse their son, he writes, “By the time they strolled back to me and my already-nursed toddler son on the picnic blanket, I had lost my appetite — and not just for the smoked salmon.”

I’d venture that breastfeeding past the age of five is pretty unusual, even by attachment parenting standards, but the article does raise the question: When it comes to weaning, should dad have a say? While there are plenty of fathers out there who are very supportive of nursing, the BabyCenter community is full of stories of couples who disagree on when it’s time to call it quits.

“My DH wasn’t supportive after about 2 years. It didn’t stop me from nursing DD until she was 4 and weaned herself after 18 1/2 months of tandem nursing, with DH sitting there saying, “Weren’t we going to think about W-E-A-N-I-N-G soon?” (yes, spelling it out) most nights,” wrote one mom in the Extended Breastfeeding group.

Another mom shared that her husband wants her to wean in part because of nursing’s effect on their sex life: “I’m just not sure I’m ready to wean her yet,” she admitted. “DH is fine with weaning being gradual. He doesn’t expect me to just cut her off. He does want me to start the weaning process now…. I just know there are so many benefits to long term nursing, and DD still loves to nurse.”

A couple of questions for you: Did breastfeeding negatively impact your sex life? And should a dad have a say in nursing and weaning?

75 Responses to Dad confesses: Breastfeeding is a turn-off

I have to say nursing has definitely NOT had an impact on my sex life. My husband thinks it’s sexy for a woman to nurse. I’m still happily nursing our 18 month old son. Hubby has stated that he thinks nursing past 2 may be a little much but that it’s the woman’s decision, not the man’s. I may be married to the most enlightened man in America.

Emilysays:

July 15, 2012 at 10:08 am

Parenting is a 2 person job. We expect input about hospitals, doctors, and delivery. We want midnight diaper changes and support for 4am teething sessions. We choose schools together when they are older. When something is important to you and your child, dad absolutely has a say. What you decide is between you, your spouse, and your child, but it is a parenting decision – which makes it a joint decision.

egssays:

July 15, 2012 at 10:18 am

Sadly, it sounds like this couple’s kids are pawns in a power struggle.

I don’t have a problem with extended breastfeeding, but kindergarten or first grade is a little long. I’m not saying she should sabsolutelt stop, but by 5 1/2 this child should be able to self soothe. He certainly is not nursing for nutrition at this point. At this point he’s even well past toddlerhood. How much of it is really for him at this point? If that’s the only comfort option he has at this point, it’s a real problem.

This breastfeeding advocate sides with the husband on this one. At some point your marriage needs to take a priority. The nursing is nowhere close to being a necessity at this point.

egssays:

July 15, 2012 at 10:19 am

*absolutely stop

Michellesays:

July 15, 2012 at 10:22 am

Both my husband and I have decided to let our son decide when he is ready to wean. He is 2 1/2 and really only nurses to sleep so it has no impact on our daily schedule or our sexual appetites. I have yet to read Mr. Braly’s article, but some of the quotes make him seem like a toddler having a tantrum.

Marcysays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:07 am

My husband is very supportive of breastfeeding but I think he’d feel differently if we were still at it at 5.5. For us it definitely had an impact on our sex life. 1. I just wasn’t in the mood for a long time (definitely hormone related) and 2. I only started really letting him have access to the “girls” when I started cutting back our daughter’s feedings after she turned 1 and I know that it had been putting a bit of a damper on things for awhile. She’ll be 15 months next week and is down to only nursing to sleep and things are finally ramping up to our pre-baby days. I think after a year or two, dad should have *some* say in the decision.

Julie Bizsays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:21 am

I totally agree with Emily. We want input from our spouses on all of the other aspects of our children’s lives, but when it comes to weening, this is out of the question? Seems a little absurd to me and it sounds like the mother is being rather selfish. This obviously isn’t for the child, it’s for her. This child should have learned how to self-soothe a LONG time ago (but I haven’t met them/read the article). She is allowing the boy to continue breast feeding because it’s easier for her. I know how easy it is to bring the baby over to the bed and fall asleep with him breast feeding. He should have just as much say as her.

Anonymoussays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:21 am

I read the article expecting to be PO’d, but honestly, the guy makes a valid point, though maybe not the one he’s intending to make. I think there’s a ton of sexism in our culture and believe it or not, it’s against men. Have you noticed that in all kids movies, the dad, or other male figure is always this bumbling idiot who needs to be whipped into shape by the sarcastic smirking women? Even the hero has some real issues he needs to work through, while the heroine is just her perfect spunky self. Do we EVER provide male role models who are not basically . . .feminine? I’m all for sensitivity and gentleness in men, but what about manly bravery, strength, and protection of others? Somehow that’s synonymous with chauvinism, brutality, and stupidity.
In this article, the guy obviously has a problem with his marriage and not necessarily one that can only be resolved by weaning. However, it’s interesting that he has no say in how his children are raised because he’s the dad. As one comment read (chillingly) “You did your part when they were born. Now go to work.” So using dad for his sperm is somehow not sexist?
He was jumped on for laying any kind of claim on his wife’s breasts, but what he really said was, “your body, our nookie” which I actually found sweet. Marriage and parenting take two people in two different roles and I completely agree that when one usurps the other, you’ll get problems.

Bekahsays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:36 am

I agree with Emily as well! All parenting decisions in this household are joint decisions! Happily, my husband and I are like minded on so many issues that there is almost no need for discussion. Both of my daughters self-weaned before 2, but if they were wanting to extend passed that point & he wanted them to wean I would wean. I was a wife before I was a mother and I will live with him until I die. (They’ll only live here for 20 or so years.) My relationship with my husband is top priority! One of the healthiest things I can give my daughters is a happy, secure home enviroment!

Denisesays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:55 am

The poor guy TOTALLY has a point. Breastfeeding at 5.5 is totally unnecessary and would be a total turn-off for pretty much any guy or any regular, thinking human being. It is OBVIOUSLY not done for nutritional purposes and need.

I am not married, but if I were then YES, all major decisions should be joint and that includes when/if and how to breastfeed. I think some women/mothers are just plain selfish and they ignore the man’s needs which is really too bad.

mandysays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:57 am

@Linda (Comment 1) Uhh I’m sorry but you made your husband sound creepy. It’s sexy to nurse? It really turns him on to see a baby suck on your boob? CREEPPYYYY..
Not saying that was the intention or that he is, but just saying your poor hubby probably wouldn’t like the pedophilish light you just cast on him.

All in all, it should be a joint decision for sure.

Lindasays:

July 15, 2012 at 12:45 pm

@Mandy; There’s isn’t something you do in your everday life that is perfectly normal and your husband finds sexy? Breastfeeding is a normal part of our lives. He finds it sexy that I am providing for our baby’s needs. I don’t find that pedophilish at all. Too bad it seems society in general has that mind set.

My husband definitely got more uncomfortable of my breastfeeding relationship as my daughter turned 2 and beyond (she did wean shortly after). But I don’t believe he would ever say that it made him lose his appetite, for food OR sex. The things he had a hard time with for extended BFing had nothing to do with my sexuality with him but more to do with what was emotionally appropriate for a child. Obviously I feel like nursing a toddler is normal and fine, most experts would agree. It’s just a flaw in the social status of extended breastfeeding. He was open about a desire for me to wean our daughter around 2, for a number of reasons and while I respected his opinions ultimately the decision was made by me and my daughter. I have no desire to nurse a 5 year old, though I see why people do, so it didn’t cause much of an issue.

The issue here is that breastfeeding somehow relates to him and his sex with his wife. They have other issues they need to get past, like how boobs can be for babies and sex too. When they are feeding they are for baby but when the lights go out, if mama is comfortable, they can be for sex too. More than anything my boobs belong to me. I get to choose when and how I use them, for sex OR feeding. Men need to get over this claim they seem to think they have on their wives bodies.

Well, I haven’t really gotten to super extended breastfeeding, but I find the father’s attitude really immature. My dh doesn’t dry heave when he sees me breastfeeding, we both talked about the importance of it before the kids were born and we both have our own ideas about it. Right now I am pregnant and nursing a toddler – while he would UNDERSTAND if I weaned our son, he knows the importance of breastmilk to a toddler and preschooler – we both researched it. We have even talked about whether or not we might find ourselves nusring into the early school years (dh seems to think that the point is moot, because he can’t see ME lasting that long…)

My husband is a very contributing father – we are very equal parents, as attested to the fact that when the kids are hurting they go to whichever of us is nearer!

Sex life doesn’t have to suffer because of nursing – mine suffers more from issues of housework needing to be done than the children nursing.

That said, I do wonder how involved this dad is in decisionmaking regarding kids, period… I do think that regarding things like breastfeeding, those who wish to voice an opinion should be able to discuss it rationally – in the end, this is where my dh became so enamoured of breastfeeding – reading the long term benefits to baby and to me healthwise. But, if this dad is edged out of the decisionmaking process period, that is sad.

Rachelsays:

July 15, 2012 at 2:01 pm

I think this would’ve been more appropriately named that Dad confesses: Breastfeeding at 5 is a turn-off

I think at the age of 5, the two parents should be able to have a conversation about how each feels regarding the nursing. Just as they would if a 5 year old were in diapers, drinking out of a bottle, or still taking a pacifier. Dad has an issue with his 5 year old still breastfeeding, that isn’t a tantrum or not being supportive of breastfeeding.

Kitsays:

July 15, 2012 at 3:04 pm

I completely agree with Mel (#13). My breasts belong to me! I share them with my husband for the purposes of sex and enjoyment. I share them with my baby for the purposes of nutrition and comfort. My husband is completely supportive of my choice to breastfeed. DD was weaned at 11 months and DS is currently 6 months and still nursing. DH knows that I would like to nurse to at least a year and probably beyond. And that has NO EFFECT on our sex life.
It sounds like this dad’s problem is less the breastfeeding than the total emasculation of his wife ruling their marriage with an iron fist.

mommamelsays:

July 15, 2012 at 7:12 pm

I think the guy has a definite point. Even beyond my own thought that five is way, WAY too old to be nursing, it’s just so sad that he’s not an equal parenting partner with an equal input into the decisions regarding the children.

My husband thought it was the sexiest thing EVER. But, I’m pretty sure if I were still breastfeeding my 20 month old, he would want it to be done.

Beckysays:

July 15, 2012 at 8:56 pm

Yes @Bekah! She hit the nail on the head!

Julianasays:

July 15, 2012 at 9:33 pm

I am not sure, luckily my husband supports us breastfeeding but if I had a husband who tried to make us stop, I dont think I would listen. If I dont believe my sons best interest is at heart, I would hope my husband would change his thinking, and ultimately I would do what I think is best.
I am assuming my son will wean before 5 though. I dont have a problem with people nursing that long, but I am hoping he will want to stop before then.

BSDsays:

July 15, 2012 at 11:06 pm

I think #15. Rachel said it all: “I think at the age of 5, the two parents should be able to have a conversation about how each feels regarding the nursing. Just as they would if a 5 year old were in diapers, drinking out of a bottle, or still taking a pacifier. Dad has an issue with his 5 year old still breastfeeding, that isn’t a tantrum or not being supportive of breastfeeding.”

Susansays:

July 16, 2012 at 5:23 am

I agree that parenting is a two-person job and the husband’s input is important. However, if my husband had said that he found breastfeeding to be a turn-off AND wrote an article about it, I’d call his attitude the real turn-off and show him the door. Harsh? Perhaps, but I’d rather my husband keep this kind of disagreement between US and not the whole world.

tiredsays:

July 16, 2012 at 6:03 am

Marriage and parenting should be a partnership…and all descisions affecting those partnerships should be disucssed and agreeded upon jointly. Even breastfeeding. While, yes, it is the woman’s body…she is still her husband’s wife and he is the child’s father. They need to make the decisions TOGETHER.

Tabathasays:

July 16, 2012 at 7:32 am

I think the father has a say, because it is his child too. But imo it should be about the child, and not necessarily their sex life. When I have my son, the decision on when to move him to the nursery rather than in our room will come from me feeling that he and I are both ready. Not concerns about privacy with my husband.

About the breastfeeding itself: I think it’s a mother’s decision on when she wants to wean, but I don’t think the 5 1/2 year old has a healthy level of independence. She should be able to soothe him in other ways than breastfeeding, and he should be taking his liquids from a cup, regardless of what they may be.
I don’t think weaning your child should be about the father. That’s very selfish of him. That’s like a father saying that at 37 weeks pregnant the mother should get induced because she is not sexy to him anymore, she is a cow and it makes him lose his appetite. I don’t think most men even think like he does. If they do they need a reality check.

I agree with previous posters though, I think breastfeeding at that age is comparable to using a bottle, pacifier or being in diapers. I have nothing against breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding but I think at some point they need to have more independence. At the stage where it’s appropriate to start weaning from a pacifier and potty training is the same stage where it’s appropriate to pump and use a cup.

ASsays:

July 16, 2012 at 7:48 am

Once a child is past the age of breastfeeding being nutritionally necessary, the dad does get a say and breastfeeding a 5.5 year old he should definitely have a say in. I do see how that would be a turn off to him and she needs to respect his feelings. At this point it is her issue that she needs to get over.

I do think the title of the article needs to be changed. No father should get a say in breastfeeding a child who needs it. And breastfeeding shouldn’t correlate with one’s sex life at all. The article should be titled something more to ‘extending breastfeeding affecting intimacy/sex life”. I though I was going to hate this guy, but find myself 100% on his side.

While I agree that dad’s should have a voice when it comes to all aspects of parenting he sure as hell better have a more educated opinion than wanting to dry heave when his wife breastfeeds. Wanting your wife to wean for personal, selfish, reasons isn’t good enough IMHO. If he has the well being of his wife, child, and family in mind it is something to consider. Eliminating breastfeeding isn’t a cure all for sex issues. Try therapy? If every guy who’s wife is breastfeeding thinks he can guilt his wife into weaning before she is ready and have everything back to the way he wants it I’m pretty sure all that will cause is resentment and isn’t likely to help his sex “problem” in the slightest.

Tabathasays:

July 16, 2012 at 10:44 am

Mel- I agree 100%! That was well put

Hollysays:

July 16, 2012 at 10:49 am

I agree that Dad should have an opinion, but it’s up to mom and baby really. Personally, I’ll be thrilled to get to the one year mark with my son and my husband supports that. I do think that if we wanted to go further than that, he may have something to say. I never planned on nursing longer than a year, but we’ll have to wait and see how we feel when that time comes (still have 8 months to go).

Shannonsays:

July 16, 2012 at 11:20 am

I think the husband should have a say, it is his child too. My husband and I have read through books and have accepted the fact that children get the best benefit when they nurse for at least a whole year, which is exactly what we will do and the wean. I am not trying to judge anybody who nurses for a little after a year, but at 5 years old it is just bizarre. I know I will miss the closeness of breastfeeding when my child is older than a year, but I will find other ways to stay close and bond. I think anyone breastfeeding a child in school is doing it more for theirselves than the child.

Kennasays:

July 16, 2012 at 11:59 am

Honestly, I totally agree with this man… and yes I’m a mom! He said he has NO problem with breastfeeding an infant, or even young toddler…. its the WAY PAST EXTENDED breastfeeding where the issue lies… I have ALWAYS personally seen nursing a school aged child completely absurd! As i can’t help but see in my head the next episode of SVU being about a woman molesting young kids, using this as the reasoning. (yes completely irrational, but i could see it happening as some people are just that icky!) My philosophy for MY life is if a child can ask for my boobies, they are beyond old enough to move on. I believe giving an infant breastmilk is amazing and should be done, if possible, however the parents so choose for however long they choose (and if someone wants their teenager to have breastmilk and not cow milk, then pump n serve in a cup!)… but ruining my relationship with my husband just to feed a selfish “need” is terrible. I know that’s brutally honest, but that is my opinion… i also agree with a couple previous posters in that the hubby/daddy has every right to assist in decision making for the child and the family.

Jacisays:

July 16, 2012 at 12:25 pm

Negative impact on sex life? No. On marriage? Nope. Beyond what the WHO says is beneficial to the child, then I think the hubby has a point in wanting to be a part of the decision, however, I think if he’d posed this question in the opposite way we’d be all over him. If he’d said “I WANT my wife to nurse my child for c amount of months/years and I feel I should have input because I’m the father”, and Mom wasn’t interested in breast feeding, we’d be saying it’s not fair, it’s her body, and so on. That being said, I’m a huge breast feeding advocate with a very supportive hubby. The lengthy extended bfing isn’t for me, but I nursed my son until 12.5 months. When I stopped (due to a medication I needed for a couple weeks) he was totally fine and showed no interest after that. He’s now 25 months and watches me nurse his 12 week old sister and still has no interest. For past toddler age, I often wonder, who is it comforting? Mom or baby? In this case too, is mom maybe using bfing as a way to avoid sex? An honest discussion sounds like a good start.

Caresssays:

July 16, 2012 at 12:29 pm

if a child can say, “i’m hungry.” and essentially feed himself he has no reason to be breastfed. i’m a firm beleiver in the idea that children are bottle and breast fed because they are unable to properly feed themselves. when a child can go into the refrigerator and retrieve his own snack, continuing to breast feed raises the question of who is it really for? i hate to say it but, with so many child predators and incest incidents happening it does come off as strange and wierd. milk is no longer a need for a child after a certain age and can even lead to unhelathy weight because of the fat increase. i plan to stop breast feeding when my son grows teeth. i will then feed him pumped breast milk until he is one year old and then its baby food from there on out. my husband and i decided our son would be nursed for the recommended amount 12 months and no longer. only shorter if it proved to be difficult for me. we want whats healthy for our son. thats whats important to us.

sammysays:

July 16, 2012 at 1:30 pm

Breastfeeding length of time is culturally-dependent. For those of you who state an arbitrary age is “too long,” please remember you are essentially holding back and embarrassing families who have decided to nurse longer than the age you have specifically deemed appropriate. Please be considerate and stop passing judgement based upon your culture (which, if you live in the US, has been heavily influenced by the almighty medical community and formula companies). Take a look at the bigger picture of the whole world, not just your bubble, and perhaps you will see that nursing children past your specific age limit is not so disgusting, after all. I do like the comment that we seek input from dads on everything else but apparently weaning is ‘off limits’ for dads to have input. I am sorry this and other families have had difficulty with their intimacy but perhaps there is something more there than just breastfeeding…communication breakdown, etc.? Luckily this has been the opposite case for our family and pregnancy & nursing seem to open up more ways for us to appreciate each other as a couple. Sorry to be mushy but I just wanted to chime in with another side.

LayLaysays:

July 16, 2012 at 1:52 pm

Agree about misleading title (but it got my attention though). This guy is just capitalizing on the frenzied attention to extended bf’ding. He probably got a big fat check for writing the piece… He knew it would get people worked up. Society is developing a sort of fetish for the topic of breastfeeding children- probably because it is so abnormal in our culture. While bf’ding children in other parts of the world might be the norm, it isn’t in western culture. This guy is capitalizing on a trend. Who the hell WOULD get turned on watching their wife bf a grown child afterall?!

Kaylasays:

July 16, 2012 at 2:44 pm

I would say that maybe breastfeeding itself isn’t the turnoff, so much as the fact that his kindergartner is STILL breastfeeding. And maybe even the fact that it’s a boy. I don’t blame him too much there. I think anything past 2 is pretty ridiculous, and I did nurse my girls.

bashysarahsays:

July 16, 2012 at 4:05 pm

I’m glad I actually clicked the link and read Mr Braly’s article. I was totally ready to think the guy was being a total jerk, but he really does bring up some good points, and this honestly appears to be a blog-type piece in which he is trying to work through what he has percieved as an issue in his personal life. He did not say that seeing his wife breastfeed was inherently vomit-inducing. He did say that while he watched his wife breastfeed their five and a half year old, he considered why the boy still wanted to breastfeed, and admitted to himself that he would have done the same thing if offered. THAT is what made him feel ill, I imagine in some Freudian sense. I think his important point was that he felt this was a decision about their family that he had every right to be involved in. Forget labeling what others do with their families, I really don’t care who thinks it is or isn’t ‘bizarre’ to breastfeed a child over the age of one, because the only people it really matters to is the actual family involved. That is why Mr Braly doesn’t condemn extended breastfeeding in general, I think, and why we really have no say in how long others breastfeed their children. If you feel it is ‘bizarre’ to breastfeed for whatever length, don’t do it. But why attack those that do by saying they are ridiculous and bizarre? Mr Braly seemed to merely be pointing out that in his situation, something had stopped working, and he needed to open a dialog with his wife about it. That he happens to be an apparently eloquent columnist who works his personal life into his articles, I think, is why this wasn’t just a blog, and has opened up a discussion for a much wider group of people than just his family.

nicolesays:

July 16, 2012 at 6:58 pm

I think the age of the kid is a big issue. My husband wanted me to wean our kids at about 10 months. He doesn’t think bf is sexy at all. And it does impact our intimacy. I agreed with the first one, but I was later resentful. I am not agreeing this time. I will quit nursing except morning and night at one year because that is reasonable with a goal to have her completely weaned at 18 months. He should have a say, but we should all be reasonable. Nursing a 5 y.o. is ridiculous, just like letting him have a pacifier would be.

eleanorsays:

July 16, 2012 at 8:34 pm

How many of you hung out with kindergarteners who were being nursed? How many men do you know who remember being nursed?

If you remember being nursed as a five-year-old, how do you feel about it now that you’re an adult?

Belindasays:

July 16, 2012 at 10:58 pm

I am a mother and I breast-fed my daughter until my milk dried up when she was 3 months old. I wanted to keep breast feeding her for a lot longer but I couldn’t. But I can’t think of a single reason to justify breast feeding for longer than 2 years.I can’t say that I blame men for finding it a turn off, which is why I never forced my husband to watch it. If you still have milk, express it in private rather and give it to your child in a bottle. As a woman that truly knows the joys of breast feeding, I understand how addictive it is, but nursing after your child’s second birthday is no longer for their benefit, it is more for you and that is where it is easy to understand how men can get turned off by it. That having been said, I do miss breast feeding because I loved the closeness it made me feel with my daughter. If men could breast feed they would understand how it feels and would probably have their baby latched all day long! It is the nicest feeling ever!

Haha- I’m with you Eleanor. I would be curious myself to hear from an adult who remembers being breastfed at that age. I agree with many that parenting decisions are to be made with all caregivers involved and if a child is being raised with two active parents, then both are involved in the decision of when to ween. Note the word “active” in regards to parenting. A father who is not involved in daily caregiving, in my opinion, does not get much of a say when he all of a sudden decides to have an opinion. That said, there are many amazing fathers who are involved and may want their wife/partner back to themselves. Breastfeeding definitely effects sex life. It keeps the libido down and leaves mom feeling tired as babies often do not sleep through the night until they are weened (or at least night weened). But are you really going to choose your sex life over patience so your baby can continue to gain the benefits of breastmilk…? Parents need to come to a mutual decision about how to balance that and what weening makes sense for them and baby.

TMKsays:

July 17, 2012 at 5:52 am

I read this expecting to be annoyed at the author and on the side of the wife but I have to say 5.5 is a little bit overboard here. As many others have said its way past toddlerhood and this child should be able to self soothe. I am all for extended breast feeding but I can totally see the author’s point. When is enough enough and shouldn’t he have some input in this decision?

There are benefits of breastfeeding past age 2. The milk at that age actually has higher concentrations of antibodies and probiotics from 3 years old on – the highest concentration since colostrum. Honestly, when kids start kindergarten, they often come home with rotating bouts of illness – if breastfeeding could reduce that, isn’t that a great thing?

There is still substantial nutritional value – if you would give a child cows milk, why not breastmilk?

Eek565says:

July 17, 2012 at 12:23 pm

I’m going through this right now. I stopped nursing my son when he was 26 months and now I’m nursing his baby sister. I don’t think my husband has a problem with the nursing per se. He said he just wants me back. We’re debating when to go out this weekend because I only have so much milk saved.

Mostly I blame lack of sex on teething. That’s the real culprit in my mind. No one’s getting any sleep and it’s hard to feel sexy when you’re exhausted.

Kandessays:

July 17, 2012 at 1:57 pm

Breastfeeding is not intended to be for dad, or to be sexy. It is in the best interest of the child to be breastfed for at least a year, and even longer is better if mom and and the child are enjoying their breastfeeding realtionship. A man suggesting his wife give up breastfeeding because he thinks it is a turn off is a man saying that his wife being attractive to him is more important than the overall health of his child. Either that, or he needs to be educated on the benefits of breastfeeding. Then, unless he is an extremely selfish man or an ignortant man, he will not put himself first when it comes to his wife feeding their child the best possible food on the planet that has more health benefits than any medicine known to man.

Laurasays:

July 17, 2012 at 2:17 pm

I have breastfed both of our children (the first for eight months and the second still going on at nine months with no plans to stop soon) and no, for us, breastfeeding didn’t negatively impact our sex lives. (If anything, exhaustion did, especially in the newborn phase, but you get that whether you breastfeed or bottle feed!) My husband doesn’t find the actual act of nursing sexy, although he does support it as a method of feeding our babies. However, since nursing and sex aren’t tandem activities, there hasn’t been a conflict of interest there. My husband still loves my breasts and has jokingly commented that he wants to keep me “knocked up or nursing” for a long time because they grow 3-4 cup sizes when I am in one of those states. Despite this “benefit”, he is very open to my weaning the baby I’m currently nursing at any time if that becomes what fits our lives best.

However, I do believe that the decision whether or not to nurse at all and, if nursing, when to stop, should be a joint decision made by both parents. It’s a parenting decision that affects your child, your relationship (especially in terms of responsibility for feedings and the potential for a blame game there if mom’s the one solely responsible), and your lifestyle, and so it needs to be a joint decision. It’s a matter of respect to take your spouse’s opinion into account.

Breastfeeding had zero negative impact on our sex life. If anything, having bigger boobs was sexier to my husband.
And I agree with many posts above that both Mom and Dad should have a say in all things parenting, including breastfeeding. But, also as a Mother sharing a special bond with her child, it has to happen when you both are ready, not just when others (and society) tell you it’s time to stop. I stopped producing much earlier than I had anticipated, so I almost mourned that bonding time with my little girl. I wish I could’ve made it work a little longer, but it’s okay We’re all still healthy!
And –
To the Dad who says “breastfeeding is a turn-off” – when a Mother breastfeeds, her intention is naturally to nourish her child, not to look sexy. So, don’t take it personally.

Sandisays:

July 18, 2012 at 12:43 pm

Breastfeeding did not negatively affect my sex life at all, but I think non-American men are more accustomed to seeing bodies and boobies and nursing as normal. Breastfeeding was important to my husband as it was to me. I couldnt have done it without his support. I weaned because I felt like it (DS sure would have loved to continue) at 21 months old. we have and had (while nursing) a great sex life, in my opinion. I dont think DH has any complaints And personally, I love attachment parenting, but nursing past age 3 seems a bit weird to me. To each there own, I am just saying I don’t see myself ever doing it. Age 2 is enough for me.

Allisonsays:

July 18, 2012 at 1:13 pm

I agree that dads should have a say in weaning, as far as health and child rearing goes, but not for his sexual appetite. Im sympathetic to my husband’s needs, but my breasts are off limits during intimacy. It’s weird for me for my baby feeders to be sex toys, and luckily my husband understands that. But at the end of the day, they are MY BOOBS. Not my husband’s, not my daughter’s, mine. And I decide what they are for.

I don’t take offense to breast feeding not being sexy. I’m not trying to be sexy, just trying to take care of my child. But if he’s mad because “that’s not what breasts are for”, then he can take a hike.

Lizsays:

July 18, 2012 at 1:16 pm

I don’t understand it when women say their husbands find breast feeding SEXY. That is just weird. It’s a beautiful thing, yes, but sexy? He gets turned on watching you breast feed? Bizarre.

I feel the same way about women who say their husbands thing they’re “sexy” while pregnant with a big bump. My husband thinks I’m beautiful pregnant, but sexy…no my belly doesn’t really many him think of sex.

Get weekly e-mails with development articles, parenting news, and more!

Hot Topic

We can’t guarantee your kids will eat everything you pack in their lunches — heck, we can’t promise they will take one single bite — but these super-cute totes and sacks sure can make food tempting. Think form and function in one sweet package. You might just need one to liven up your desk-side dining. Shopping… Read more »