Miranda Kerr is the kind of fertile woman I wouldn’t make take her pill in front of me before sex, you know the kind of fertile woman who I would replace her birth control pills she’d likely insist on taking like all girls who have sex with me, for fear of bringing my spawn to life, with a fucking tic tac or mentos, because she’s the kind of body, I’d like to breed with, and I am the kind of guy who hates the idea of breeding…you know since this world is a horrible fucking place….

Unfortunately for me, Miranda Kerr, despite being Australian and cool, is likely not gonna be hitting me up asking for sex, pretty much ever….not even when she’s old, fat and divorced, because we run in different circles,….so I guess I’m forced to just mail her model agency vials of my semen and hope they go to the right place….her uterus….