A collection of my daily thoughts, feelings and emotions, all tied up in a jumble of stories and tales from my day to day life.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I'm a little confused and annoyed..

Given how long it has been since I have had contact with my daughter, something confuses me, and angers me no end... People who have no interest in seeing their own child, when it is all made so easy for them.Now I am not going to dwell on Sian and her mum as this is NOT about them. But instead about a young father, who for the life of me I can not figure out. Allow me to explain.A dear friend of mine has a little boy, I will keep names out of this for now, who is now around 19-20 months old. For most of his life so far he has lived with just my friend, as his parents split just after his birth, and his father moved on in life and found another girlfriend, who soon became pregnant.

His second son was born, and sadly he has CF, which will no doubt cause complications with his health and routineOver recent months he has appeared to show interest again in his first son again has contacted my friend, the mother, to try and make arrangements to see him. Now this is where its all a bit complex, and I can't be precise about every occasion, but I shall try my best to be accurate.

Because of his second sons health, there will obviously be times where he is unable to fulfil his commitment to seeing his first son, which is understandable, but hopefully not too regularly.

Recent examples of his inability to fulfil his OWN desire to see his son follow. Remembering this is the guy who set a solicitor on the mother, demanding access and assuring her of regular maintenance payments for his sons well being.

Short notice cancellations of having him due to not knowing the day in time (the day was set up as a regular day and doesn't change), his other son being poorly. Going away and because he can't have him for 2 nights, refusing to see him at all. Due to these times he now feels he should not need to make his weekly payment as he has been "prevented" from seeing his son due to requests way outside the agreement.

The most recent example of this game of charades is harrasing and abusing the mother with threats, accusations and claims he knows his rights. For example he feels he only needs to pay £5 a week towards his sons keep, basing this on that his other son is ill, and that he buys toys for him and keeps them at his house for the one day a week he sees him for, refusing to allow ANY of these to come back to his mothers house on his return.He has since got his girlfriend and sister involved, so they are also sending all sorts of statements, accusations and hateful messages to the mother to try and bully her into agreeing to their demands.

But this is where it really gets my back up. Earlier this week I suggested she work with him and help him see his son. So she said Tuesday (the day he chose) was fine, could he pick him up at 9am and have him back for 6pm for his evening routine. The reply was 9am was not suitable. So she suggested 8am instead, "even worse" was the reply, siting that his son has a medical routine in the mornings. Under 1 year with CF must indeed be difficult. So with this she asked what time suited him. He asked for his son to be dropped off at his nans just around the corner from the mothers house. The mother said she really wanted a face to face hand over so any issues can be discussed. He refused this and said his mum would pick his son up instead.This went on and on, with him refusing to just go to the house to collect him. Eventually answering the question of what time he could pick his son up, saying he could be there at 2pm! Naturally his mother is keen for her son to see his father as much as possible, and his father claims he wants this too. Yet in the same breath refuses to collect his own son til gone midday. Yet claims his nan or mum could pick him up much earlier. Which just suggests the poor little boy will spend his whole day being passed around the family and spend as little time as possible with his actual father.

From my perspective this really sucks. Man the fuck up and pay some attention to your first born son. Or stop pissing about with everyones time and emotions and just become the absent father that you clearly are. I have seen your son more in the past few months than you have in his entire life. You live a few miles away, I live over 150 miles away....See what I'm getting at here?

You either wanna see him or you don't. He is not a toy, not on a pay as you go basis, and to say "the law says £5" and saying that's all you will pay!!! Seriously, he is your flesh and blood you selfish little twat!

Forget the other family members for now. This is between you and your son you irresponsible little prick. No one is saying they can't see him, but YOU, Matthew, are the lead role here. It is YOUR responsibility to arrange to see your son, and then YOU can arrange amongst yourselves who will see him and when. Stop trying to make other family members take responsibility for you, deal with your own affairs. Contact is with YOU, the arrangements of seeing, collecting and caring for YOUR son are between two people only, the mother and father.

So seriously, man to man in the making, father to father, human to human... Step up, stop being so awkward about arrangements, work with the girl you chose to have a child with, and give your son the father he deserves. Not some waster X-box playing, disinterested boy who thinks he can pick and choose his responsibilities to his son..... OR... Fuck off, leave them both alone and allow your son to adapt to a normal life without you popping up, stressing his mum, and rocking the boat.I will happily take your place and be the best father to him that I can, and compared to the benchmark you have set, that should be achievable in my sleep.

For someone I have never met, you have really pissed me off. I would give my right arm to have the opportunity to see my child that you have.