The beginnings of inquisitorial story/fluff?

Hi eveyrone. I was bored so I figured I would right out some guidlines to a story or fluff i might write. I havne't got much yet, but I suppose i'll go ahead and show you what i got so far.

-Hause found living on barbaric planet on the fringes of the imperial border, and threatened by countless Tyranid invasions. Very hostile planet, and a low population mostly consisting of barbaric imperial outcasts. Large variety of harsh environments found throughout the planet.

-Liam, a wealthy rogue trader finds Hause when searching for ores to later sell. After a few weeks of observation and proven loyalty, he directly gives Hause the job of “personal advisor” of Liams expedition. Hause is very young, only at the age of about 20 at this point.

-Become good friends; do many expeditions and battles together; Hause choses to begin studying to become an academic researcher, at around the age 28. By only age 29 a inquisitor approaches him after observing and believing Hause has great potential, just as Liam had. He recruits Hause as an acolyte, who would later (many years) become a powerful, wise Inquisitor himself. Hause would work, researching mysteries, discovering deepest of secrets, and searching and studying hidden artifacts and other powerful entities.

-One of Liams soldiers got tainted by chaos years ago, and was just now possessed by a very powerful chaos sorceror; when Inquisitor Hause goes to a luxury resort, this sorcerer takes the form of Inquisitor Hause to set up Liam for an attack; an attempt to steal this ore which the chaos sorcerer believes possesses hidden power to which few can harness; this turns Liam against Inquisitor Hause as he doesn’t know the truth.

Feedback appreciated, like some of your ideas on the story, what I could add...any neat ideas you can come up with and are willing to share, what contradicts with the true fluff, and just what you think in general.

First suggestion... a proper synopsis to write try.
Second suggestion... Thy codices read. Thy Fluff Bible read, but to find it where ask not..
Third Suggestion... Asking for help of great use is, if in doubt thou are.

The fifth Horseman is correct in his three major suggestions; and just to put this out there, people don't become inquisitors very easily. They go through decades of training under the tutelage of a full inquisitor who will one day support them in becoming a full inquisitor.

Also, its xenos not zenos; it makes the sound you get from a 'z' but the word is spelled with an 'x'.

Take my love, take my land, take me to where I cannot stand; I don't care I'm still free, you can't take the sky from me.

"The difference between gods and daemons largely depends upon where one is standing at the time."- Lorgar
Member of the Fluff Masters Clan

-A Commander cannot bestow the rank of inquisitor on someone, unless of course they're an inquisitor, but they don't usually do that sort of thing. (I guess technically they could, but it wouldn't be legit and soon after some real inquisitors (Ordo Hereticus) would start hunting down the imposter)
-Inquisitors don't go on vacation. They might stay at the most luxurious resorts or estates on a planet for their accomodations (wouldn't you if you had an inquisitorial seal?) while on a job, but they would still remain vigilant.

Last edited by qsd; December 5th, 2007 at 07:50.

There is no such thing as a plea for innocence in my court. A plea for innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty.
- Inquisitor Lord Fyodor Karamazov

* Who is this Liam, and who does he work for within the Imperium? You describe him as a commander, but what kind of a force does he 'command', and under whose authority?

* I'm not sure the idea of him randomly 'becoming interested' in the Inquisition works so well. Firstly, only another Inquisitor can make you an Inquisitor, and it requires an apprenticeship of many years (most die during this time.) Secondly, the Inquisition is a kind of secretive and shadowy organization.. It just doesn't seem to me like the kind of thing you send in a job application for. Joining the Inquisition is incredibly rare, make it a bit more special.

* Download and check out the Inquisitor core rulebook and the Thorian expansion if you haven't done so already. There's some nice fluff about the Inquisition there which can really help to pad out any story about them. Put some thought into what ordo(s)/faction(s) Hause falls into.. Who are his mentors? His friends? His enemies? How does he deal with the emotional stresses of being an Inquisitor? What skills does he bring to the Inquisition? Etc.

The acolyte-picked-up-on-a-death-world is a common theme, and it works well as a replacement for the regular "I went to Inquisitor school" background.

Consider making Liam a Rogue Trader? It would a) explain why he's scouting out where people rarely travel b) explain why he has a ship, but also has relative autonomy, unlike most merchant vessels, and c) explain how he manages to get Hause into the Inquisition. Even better, perhaps Hause merely wants to become an academic researcher, but his potential is noticed and he's approached by an Inquisitor who then recruits him MI5-style. The actual training and graduation can vary greatly, depending on the temperament of the tutor; some Interrogators are in training for fifty or sixty years, whereas others, like Eisenhorn, are given the rosarius at 26. Others, like the Interrogator from Lord of the Night, have lived past their master's death, and have unfortunately been paired with a less sympathetic and diametrically opposed Inquisitor and have to start the training process over again.

In case you didn't know, Rogue Traders are autonomous human individuals with a writ sealed by the Emperor from Crusade days that allows them basically many rights you'd show to an Inquisitor - they can go anywhere, request many things, have their own armed force, trade whatever they want - and use this either for piracy, for illegal smuggling, or for artifact retrieval (they might fly out to the rim of the galaxy, explore every planet they come across, and send their findings back to Terra to stay in the High Lord's good graces.)

The Chaos Sorcerer can perhaps be trying to steal an item which Liam has looted from a planet he visited. I'd consider writing out the tainted soldier entirely; if the Chaos Sorcerer can change his appearance, why not simply kill the soldier and take his place? This just means the antagonist is a lot closer to the action, and able to work against the protagonists directly.

Also: Ordo Obsuletus? It sounds a lot like "obsolete," and I'm pretty sure you didn't intend to do that. I'd consider renaming it to something more memorable.

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Mr_Wayne: "Some people believe that the World Eaters do not field any ranged weaponry. Those people often die at a distance."

The Ordo Obsoletus is a apparently a branch of the =I= that investigates things like the Legion of the Damned.
I suggest using one of the better known Ordos because if it wasn't for search engines I would have no idea what that was

Advisor would sound better than "personal instructor" for the time being because the latter sounds like Hause is there to teach Liam something.

If you wanted the plot to be more sinister and add depth, instead of Chaos, you could say that a powerful enemy of Hause or Liam used polymorphine equipped assassins (not Callidus because they're far too important and Liam would be dead, just highly trained people, maybe with combat drugs)to carry this out.

Last edited by qsd; December 5th, 2007 at 08:02.

There is no such thing as a plea for innocence in my court. A plea for innocence is guilty of wasting my time. Guilty.
- Inquisitor Lord Fyodor Karamazov