Thanks, Rochelle. I’m not sure why I dug down this week. I think I needed to read Jennifer’s post about where the photo was taken first, and then I might have been able to come up with something above ground. But I’m better off not reading anyone else’s stories before I know what I’m going to write, otherwise I’ll steal other people’s ideas. Glad you enjoyed it.

I thoroughly enjoyed your story. You were able to drag us along with you, most willing, some unwilling, into the darkness. Were I asked I would counsel the removal of the word ‘in’ after ‘burrowed’, but that’s is a tiny thing in an otherwise marvelous story.

Hi Doug,
Thank you for your lovely comments. And please feel free to pick me up and make suggestions. I did remove the ‘in’ at one stage, but wasn’t sure whether the fourfold increase on the way out was clear enough with just ‘burrowed’. If I removed ‘in’ and collapse fourfold, I get two additional words to play with. Oh dear, I’ll have to put my thinking cap on again.

In my head they were under the Western Front (WW1). The blast that took Jimmy’s legs was from a badly laid charge. Jimmy and the sergeant are two survivors of a bigger party. Thinking about it since I wrote it, I was probably influenced by a scene in Sebastian Faulk’s Birdsong – the BBC version that is, as I still haven’t managed to read the book. And, I agree, there could be much more, especially what each of them is thinking. Thanks for your comments and suggestions. 🙂

I like how you’ve gone in a completely different direction from everyone else this week, Sarah. You take us right into that tunnel with the men, and it’s not a nice place to be. One tiny thing, I struggled with “they felt fine but had no feeling” – which seems to me to be contradictory.

Hi Jen. I’m glad I was able to get you in the tunnel. And thanks for picking up that line, as I did worry whether or not it worked. Jimmy’s legs feel fine under his hands (no wounds/ bleeding he can find) but have no feeling, in that they can’t feel the ground underneath or his hands touching them. Any suggestions on how to make it clearer much appreciated!

I started with ‘looked fine’ before I remembered it was dark. And then I added that the blast had put out their light so the reader knew they couldn’t see either. ‘Seemed uninjured’ would work – thanks for the suggestion and going further than my brain would allow.