Tuesday, December 19, 2006

My father left me a message yesterday on my answering machine. Mr. C got to it before I did. "Your Dad called this morning," he said.

"What did he say?"

"You'll want to listen to the message yourself," he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

Sure, my father lives a bit left of center most of the time, but we're used to his idiosyncracies, I could not imagine what would be so funny on that message that my husband would not relay it to me. So I picked up the phone and dialed in.

"Hi, T__. Listen, P__ (his girlfriend) bought an outfit for Chicky. She thought you'd like to have it for Chicky to wear on Christmas day. It's a Santa outfit with a hat and everything."

A Santa outfit.

Great.

The message went on from there, but honestly I stopped listening after I heard the words "Santa outfit". I sat, slack jawed, while the rest played and Mr. C grinned. I couldn't get out of this one. How could I diplomatically say thanks but no thanks? I didn't want to put my active toddler into a red polyester velvet-like ensemble on Christmas Day. I had already purchased clothes for her to wear, clothes that would be appropriately festive yet would hold up to a day full of cookies, cakes and candy canes. An outfit that Chicky would not protest when I tried to put it on her and would not itch her delicate toddler skin or give her a rash. But someone else went out and bought her a special outfit that could only be worn once, so it had to be worn. A bit presumptuous, yes, but what can I do? I'm stuck.

My father and his girlfriend delivered the Santa suit to us this morning and it is as awful as I had imagined. A jacket-like shirt with fake belt, elastic waist pants and a hat with a white pompom, all trimmed with fluffy fake fur usually reserved for dime store teddy bears and all 100% Polyester. P.'s parting words were, "I can't wait to see her in it."

I can't even put the hat on Chicky's head without her breaking into terrified sobs. Getting her into the rest of the outfit is going to be so much fun.

Mr. C laughed over the message but when I told him that Chicky would have to wear the Santa clothes he stopped laughing. Yes, she has to wear it. My father's girlfriend had the best of intentions when she purchased it and she is genuinely excited to see my daughter toddle in the door on December 25 decked out like a miniature St. Nick.

Ho ho ho. Won't that be great?

Great.

Before my mother died she would often tell me stories of the purple fur coat that my grandmother had bought for me to wear on one of my first Easters. It was unseasonably warm that day, much too warm for a fur coat, yet my mother insisted that I wear it because not only was it a gift but it was an expensive gift. Apparently I cried the whole time because I was hot and uncomfortable but she would not take it off of me. I was wearing that coat, dammit, sweat and tears be damned. History does have a way of repeating itself, doesn't it?

These are the things we do to our children when someone gives us an inappropriate gift. I won't force Chicky to wear the outfit if she truly hates it but we're going to give it a try. If we can get her to leave it on for even 10 minutes we'll chalk it up as a victory and move on. Maybe we'll even snap a few pictures to save for posterity. And many years from now I'll tell her stories of the year I made her wear a Santa suit because someone bought it for her and it had to be worn. Hopefully we'll all have a good laugh over it.

I'd love to include a picture of my daughter here in her new clothes so we all can enjoy together but I still can't get it near her without Chicky running away in fear. But I'm going to keep trying. She's got to wear that outfit, dammit, just for five minutes whether she likes it or not.

Even if it is the most horrible thing I've seen in a long time. Oh lord, it is awful.

Posted by
Chicky Chicky Baby

47 comments:

Oh my. OH MY.That is awful. I have a reindeer shirt for GC to wear, that's about as festive as it gets. I have two years worth of "holiday garb" that still has tags, I'm bitchy like that. Plus, I made it known the kid would not be a dress-up doll so anyone who sent that shit shoulda known better.But for you, a nice lady dealing with a gift with nice intentions, I say: LIE.1: Torture the kid, snap a picture and then blame a bodily function as to why it's no longer being worn.2: Don't even put her in it and blame the bodily function of your choice as the reason it's not on. (As in, "We put it on her and she was sooooooooooo cute but then she puked/peed/shit all over it."

Avalon to the rescue. Put Chicky in it right before you get into the car to go to Dad's. Bring along a little, discreet container with a mixture of baby foods....peas, creamed corn and carrots work well. Right before you take her out of the car, dump some strategically down the front of the outfit, run into the house holding her at arms length proclaiming " Holy crap! Chicky just puked ALL OVER her beautiful new Christmas outfit!! Good thing we got a few pictures before we came over!"No one will want to get close enought to confirm the story.

Maybe she can "accidentally spill something" on it before you leave the house?

Oh, I just read other people's comments and I see everyone seems to be thinking alike on this one. If she honestly won't wear it, I wouldn't force her! I have one son who won't wear anything that anyone chooses for him because his skin is so sensitive it makes him crazy. He gets out of everything like this because of it. My other three kids must wear the dreaded outfit for at least ten minutes and then can change...you know, because it is hot or something.

You're a better person than I am. I can put up with a lot of stuff, but when it comes to clothes -- mine or my kids -- I would definitely draw the line. All it takes is one time putting your foot down, and I bet your dad's girlfriend won't go buying any more outfits.

LOL! I guess I have to admit that I did it to my own kid, though not with a Santa outfit. For Pre-Pubescent One's first Christmas I bought an adorable little outfit (not a problem) with a matching hat (problem). For some reason, I was admanat about him wearing the hat to match. SIGH.

I don't have any advice. I like the bodily function suggestion though. Go with that one.

I hate to say I was forced into the same thing when Dawson was 3 months old. It was his first Christmas and he was stuck in two different santa suits....one Christmas Eve, one Christmas Day from both mother and mother-in-law.

How's that for torture? Later I told them.....Never again...I swore....and so far it's worked!

joker would love to wear this! well perhaps not... i'm with the plan to have it meet with disaster. or how about saying it will do her untold psychological damage to realise that all that makes you a santa is wearing this sort of suit?

My MIL bought E a Christmas dress. I am not sure what the intentions are for this dress. It's alright, I don't mind the dress...but when am I supposed to make E wear it? During our 3 person impersonation of a proper Christmas dinner? I certainly ain't shelling out $80 for E to have her Christmas picture taken at a studio in that dress. Ugh.

So I have this perfectly cute if not a bit annoyingly festive dress hanging in E's closet. I'll probably stage something here at the apartment, E in the dress near the tree or something.

Good luck with your santa suit. Bring extra clothes to your Christmas gathering just in case!

hmm. i'm sure you wash all of your child's new clothing before she wears them 'cause wow doesn't everyone? this close to the holidays, with all of the things to get finished, bleach could somehow find its way into the washer. or the dryer could be set to 'melt.' hey, it's tragic, but these things happen.

hmm. i'm sure you wash all of your child's new clothing before she wears them 'cause wow doesn't everyone? this close to the holidays, with all of the things to get finished, bleach could somehow find its way into the washer. or the dryer could be set to 'melt.' hey, it's tragic, but these things happen.

Do you think there's a missing neuron in the heads of people who buy these things? The neuron that fires after the "oh this is cute" neuron and counters with "but my god, what human, regardless of age, would be caught dead in this."

I think it's the same missing neuron that people who buy dog-sweaters lack.

My mother pulled that oh-here's-a-cute-Santa-outfit-for-grandbaby-to-wear crap on me a few years back when my daughter was two month's old. Thank goodness she outgrew the outfit before the big day arrived. (But my mother still to this day thinks I deliberately overfed dd to get out of it. WTH?)

You should go to a thrift store and buy your father and his girlfriend two of the most hideous Santa outfits, go to their house, and (grinning like a wildcat) say, "Oh, I saw these outfits and thought they'd look so lovely on you two. It's going to be such a merry Christmas, isn't it?"

I second what everyone else said ... there are a million excuses as to why a toddler had to be "changed" after you so diligently put it on her (prove that with a quick photo) ... wow. You are one decent daughter to do that.

Wow. You are one good kid to not just say, "Hell no!" Or that she dumped her cheerios all over it at breakfast... or loved it so much she insisted on wearing it the last two days in a row and it's now in the wash...(just a suggestion)