Credits

24.12.15

Caroling in Greece is somewhat different than what you see in the movies. It never involves pitch perfect people singing beautifully in harmony with bells. Nope. It's tiny humans who had no musical education in any way and can never sing on key with a musical triangle that they ring without rhythm or beat, banging on strange people's doors (always unsupervised, which I find very unsafe and unsettling!) at the crack of dawn and you are supposed to give them money. Also, those tiny humans get very irritated if you expect them to sing the whole song, which most of them don't know all the lyrics.
To all those people who allow their kids to come and ring my doorbell before eight o clock on Christmas eve, if I ever find out who you are, I will egg your house!

21.12.15

I got the most wonderful news today. Somewhere in between doctor appointments and exams and worrying about hypothyroidism and rai I was let know my condition is treatable and I am going to be okay. Of course we won't really know till it's done and I will have to check it every six months, but things seem as good as it could possibly be. I am still confused about the potential of metastasis into the lymph nodes. If I understood correctly it hasn't spread there but again we will be sure after the myriad of tests that await me. Currently I am trying to find the first possible appointment for the treatment because the longer I wait without hormones the sicker I get.
The only downside is that I also found out that because of a radioactive exam I will have to spend 20 days in the row away from my lovely baby and husband. I have tried to explain her as simply as possible and in the calmest manner. I am trying to make it seem as the most natural thing so she doesn't get scared. I am trying to focus on the silver lining. Through hardships we learn and she will have to deal with the fact she can't see mommy for a while and perhaps balance out a little her separation anxiety.
I don't know if I have mentioned it but when I first found out I begun crying over the fact I would have to be away from her for 10 days. Thank Goddess they didn't tell me right away 20. Through this experience I found out I have to deal with my separation anxiety too. I have been overwhelmed by the love people showed me. I let a few of my closest people which is so unlike me(noone knew I had the surgery). I did it because it felt like I was facing the situation head on and not hiding from it and people surprised me.
But in the middle of this unsettling situation we are celebrating Yule with a lot of happiness, laughter, gift giving, Santa and elf on shelf. She is so excited. She asked Santa for gummy bears, balloons, cookies, a pop up book, and a stuffed turtle. Although.... she asked Santa to send a pink fairy to bring the gifts because she is a little scared of him(weirdly enough!). And we have to bake a pink cake for the fairy and make a pink tea. Buying and hiding the gifts by the way was far more complicated than I could imagine! And it is quite possible she is on to us. I hope not!!
Blessed holidays to you all!

19.12.15

I am so much better today! I feel truly blessed in every way. I want to thank you all so much for your heartwarming love. Today I broke the news to my closest people and I have never been so much showered with love. I am so touched by all those people that are close to me and all of you!
Today I feel as if the dust has settled.Right now two candles are burning in front of me, and under their light I will read my cards and chant my words to the Goddess asking for Her guidance, strength and love. The scent of my incense will soon hug me in its warmth...Besides, the Winter Solstice is just a breath away and what better time is there to get rid of anything negative and harmful. May you all be blessed, loved and warm!

18.12.15

So, I got bad news. There was cancer. I have to take radioactive iodine. In order for that to happen I have to stop any thyroid medications and become extremely hypothyroid. This process will take approximately a month. After that I take the iodine and spend two days in quarantine and other 8 days away from my baby. And after that the whole ordeal is over. I am focusing on the positive. This too shall pass. Hopefully after that the process of achieving normal hormonal levels will be fast. I can't imagine how long that will take.
I knew all that before they tell me. I went today at my appointment to give me medication for parotitis and I knew he would have the results. I knew what he would tell me although noone believed me, because there was no indication. I knew it would be bad enough for iodine. But, still I had hope that maybe just maybe I wasn't right this time. But I was. And that's it. Let's hope it won't be as bad as I imagine.
I am sorry if I brought you.down. I promise that in my next post I will return to my usual cheerful self. I love you all.
Blessed be.

10.12.15

Just dropping by to let everyone know that everything went well. I am back home and the worst of this whole experience was being away from my baby. She told me the most incredibly moving things. She is so wise! As for me, I am almost pain free, though bloated as a balloon from all the medications. In about 10 days we will have the results of the biopsy back, so fingers crossed and spells chanted. Until then I am taking levothyroxine against doctor's orders because I won't go completely hypothyroid for no reason. You have to become completely hypothyroid before receiving radioactive iodine, but that is something you do if the biopsy showed cancer, so my self medication in the worst case scenario would only set me back 10 days. It is too painful to go through it just in case. I have to wait a few weeks to see if my parathyroids are intact and able to work. And as for my talking voice is fine, but I have to wait a month before I try singing because it would be too strenuous for my vocal cords. This experience taught me a lot about myself and our most human version. I have so much respect for nurses after watching them taking care of everyone tirelessly and lovingly. And I realized of course that it is important to chase after little happy moments with all our might.
I love you all. Take care of yourselves and loved ones.

1.12.15

Greetings dear blogfriends. I know I have been missing for a while now, but I had to contemplate some things and I wasn't quite talkative. It turns out that my operation was not considered preventive anymore but therapeutic. It was not safe anymore and I had to take the big step.
It was hard the first couple of days because I had to get over my greatest fears, including memories that have haunted me ever since I was a small child. But when the first wave of panic subsided a sense of calm washed over me. I am not afraid anymore. I am finally free. The operation is scheduled in a week as long as I am over my cold where I will undergo a full thyroidectomy. They are expecting to find some malignancy, but I don't believe this will be the case. I do believe it would eventually turn malignant, but I will be clean. I have kept it a secret from almost everybody, but I am ready to break the news. For the last month I have been a wreck, before my exams I had this horrible feeling steering in my gut. But as soon as I got the results I made an appointment with my new endocrinologist, two days later with the surgent and I set the date for just 12 days later. Although I have been running from this decision for the last sixteen years, once my mind was set I put everything in motion, before anyone had any time to adjust. My mom and husband freaked out, but I only lost my cool every time my voice was mentioned. But even this is in the past, I am serene now. The bad feeling is over now that I took the decision. I know everything will go well. I am sleeping better than I have in years and I have faith in my fate. I see my path clearly and I know it is different from my mom's. I knew it for a while now that this was how it was going to go and I kept fighting it. But this is for the best.
Right now I am nursing myself back to health from a mild cold.My surgent(who by the way is very Mc Steamy!) told me to take comtrex to speed the process along, which I think makes me kind of drowsy. If you have not tried it yet I fully recommend it. This is what drugs must feel like. Also last Thursday I threw my back out again, so as you imagine there has been a lot of resting on heating pads and well, gilmore girls.. Have you heard they are bringing them back?
I intend on decorating our Yule tree this Sunday with friends and family although noone has been informed of my plans. Right nowI am watching the most glorious sunset. The sky is dressed in the most beautiful colors and everything looks pink.
Be blessed, be loved and be free.