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Month: November 2016

“President-elect Donald Trump tweeted early Wednesday to report that ISIS was taking credit for the attack at Ohio State University by student Abdul Razak Ali Artan, and that Artan, who was a refugee from Somalia, `should not have been in our country.`

Artan allegedly drove a vehicle into a crowd of pedestrians and attacked others with a butcher knife, injuring 11. He was fatally shot by an campus police officer.

Artan was a legal permanent resident of the United States with no history of violence or allegiance to terrorist organizations. Artan and his family fled Somalia for Pakistan in 2007 and came to the U.S. in 2014.”

AOL

Almost immediately after the Islamist terrorist attack on the Ohio State University campus Monday the attacker was identified as Abdul Razak Ali Artan, a refugee from Somalia.

The Ohio State University attack followed the modus operandi of dozens of ISIS terrorists and lone wolf ISIS sympathizers who have carried out attacks in Europe and the United States.

Within a couple of hours of the cowardly attack it was learned that Artan posted this message on his Facebook page:

America! Stop interfering with other countries, especially the Muslim Ummah. If you want us Muslims to stop carrying out lone wolf attacks, then make peace with `dawla in al sham.` Make a pact or a treaty with them where you promise to leave them alone.
Artan also informed his Facebook friends that he had reached a “boiling point.” You didn`t have to be a rocket scientist or an expert in Islamic terrorism to immediately deduce that Artan was an Islamic terrorist or a lone wolf sympathizer.

But the mainstream media kept describing the cowardly scum as a “young man”, and they cautioned us not to draw any conclusions from the facts that had already been uncovered. To this day most reporters are still repeating the damnable lie that we don`t know what motivated Artan to attempt to kill innocent civilians.

No wonder Trump won the election even though he`s a racist ignoramus — at least he tells it like it is, and doesn`t bow down before the God of political correctness.

Trump is spot on, Artan should never have been in America! We shouldn`t accept any refugees or immigrants from terrorist hellholes like Somalia.

“Since Hillary Clinton lost the presidential election she has gone for a relaxing hike in the woods, browsed a bookstore and stopped by the grocery store to stock up on cheese.

But perhaps her most amazing move since Election Day took place recently, when she made the decision to follow her loyal fan, Snoop Dogg, on Twitter.

Snoop, the rapper and avid Clinton supporter, has not been shy about his political preferences. In fact, he was so upset by the results of the election that he asked his buddy Drake to help him flee the country and start a new life in Canada.”

Mashable

Let me start this essay by pleading with Snoop Dog not to flee to Canada, America can`t survive a Trump administration without his cool and calming presence.

Now that Hillary has lost the election and her political career is over, and maintaining a pristine public image is no longer a necessity, she should let her hair down, and stock up on weed, instead of cheese. Her online buddy, Snoop Dogg, can hook her up with the best grass in the world.

I`m not a fan of crooked Hillary Clinton, but Snoop Dogg is my idol, and I hope and pray that he stays in America and continues to bless us with his music.

With Snoop blasting on my stereo, and my survival kit consisting of the dankest marijuana, I`m ready to survive a Zombie Apocalypse and a Trump administration.

The American public banished soon-to-be septuagenarian political hack Hillary Clinton to Chappaqua, where she is idling away her last hours on Earth walking her dog,visiting bookstores, and contemplating what the size and shape of her stools signifies about her failing health.

Now it`s incumbent on House Democrats to strip Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) of her top leadership post, where she`s been perched for the past 14 years.
The fact that Democrats will decide on their new leader in a secret ballot, gives me hope that his fossil will meet the same fate as Hillary. Most Democratic congressmen and congresswomen are too timed to publicly repudiate Pelosi, but in a secret ballot I trust that they will do what`s in the best interests of the party and kick her to the curb.

Pelosi expects to win re-election this week to lead House Democrats for the 15th year, after all she`s a gifted fundraiser, and most politicians prize the ability to raise money above everything else.

Pelosi`s challenger, Rep. Tim Ryan of Ohio, may seem to be on a Quixotic mission, but his youth and populist economic message may knock the old hag from her perch.

If Democrats don`t strip Pelosi of her leadership position, there will be no credible challenge to the Trump administration, and that wouldn`t be a good thing for the Democratic Party or America.

For the next four, or if God is especially cruel and vindictive eight years, we will be seeing Donald Trump`s orange-hued face on our television screens, magazines covers and the front pages of newspapers — a silent indictment that we have elected a clown to the most important office in the world.

But we may never again see carefully coiffed, pancake-makeup Hillary Clinton, her post-election look is minimalist and natural. Gone is the hairspray, collagen injections and mascara.

The post-apocalypse Hillary that we have seen walking her dog, and browsing at a bookstore looks like a grandmother who has accepted her senior status with dignity and grace.

I`m not sure there`s an authentic version of Hillary Clinton, she`s deceitful to the core, but she certainly looks more approachable in her plain new look.

If God has mercy on us we will never see the dolled up Hillary again, because that could only mean that she`s getting ready to run for president in 2020.

“President-elect Donald Trump has a particularly fragile and easily bruised ego. He doesn`t like it when you make fun of his teeny-weenie hands, and now The Donald wants the media to stop publishing unflattering photos of him. Well, we have some good news for the president-elect! The people are spreading the word about how much Trump hates those pics on social media!”

Fusion

We know two things about Donald Trump: He has an enormous ego and tiny hands, ergo a minuscule penis. When a pundit, comic or Twitter troll makes fun of the Donald`s physical appearance he goes ballistic.

During an off the record meeting with TV anchors and executives, the blowhard billionaire berated NBC executives for using unflattering photographs of him.

You`d think that a man who has billions in the bank, a hot wife, worldwide celebrity and has been elected Leader of the Free World, wouldn`t care if the media used unflattering photos, but it really bugs him.

If Trump loses sleep over a television network using less than flattering photos, imagine his dismay if a homemade sex tape featuring Trump`s tiny pecker was posted online.

I figure there`s got to be a Trump sex tape, it goes without saying that a man as egotistical as Trump has filmed himself having sex with a model or actress.

Trump could be blackmailed into doing anything, he would betray his country to prevent the world from seeing his micropenis.

For the sake of our national security I hope and pray that I`m wrong, and that there is no Donald Trump sex tape.

On Monday Michigan is expected to certify its presidential election results that will officially give Donald Trump well over 300 electoral votes, by any measure an Electoral College landslide.

Meanwhile the votes are still being tallied in California, and Hillary Clinton has now expanded her popular-vote lead to more than two million (64.4 million to 62.3 million.)

Hillary`s popular-vote victory and her senior citizen`s discount card might get her a cup of coffee for less than $2 at Starbucks, but it won`t change the outcome of the election.

This had led some disappointed and disgruntled Democrats to call for the Electoral College system to be revised or abolished, but that`s not going to happen. The Senate will unanimously pass a declaration stating that Donald Trump is a scholar, gentleman and a gifted statesman with the most beautiful and impressive penis in the universe, before the Electoral College is abolished.

Abolishing the Electoral College would require an amendment to the United States Constitution — which would need a two-thirds majority in both the House and the Senate, and then it would have to be ratified by 38 states. You don`t have to be a political science major or a rocket scientist to deduce that`s impossible in today`s partisan political climate.

Our presidential election system is what it is, and hard as it may be, we must resign ourselves to the reality that we have elected a know-nothing racist egomaniac as President of the United States.

“Election Day 2016 brought surprises and firsts. Donald Trump will be the only president in U.S. history with no military or political experience and the oldest and richest president ever sworn into office. Melania Trump might be the first of all the first ladies to telecommute.

“But one first has seldom been mentioned: Barring a new addition to his household between now and Jan. 20, Donald Trump will be the first president in 150 years who does not have a pet.

If horses are included, every president except James K. Polk and Andrew Johnson has owned a pet for at least part of his term in office, and with these furry first friends have come a host of political benefits. Aside from the possible physical and psychological benefits they`ve bestowed on first families, presidential pets have for decades served to soften the president`s image and garnered positive White House news coverage.”

The Washington Post

There isn`t exactly a wave of euphoria and optimism at the prospect of Donald J. Trump`s inauguration as the 45th President of the United States. Even Trump`s most fervent supporters are anxious and apprehensive about how he will perform in office.

If anybody needs an intervention from a team of public relations experts, hair stylists and fashionistas it`s Trump. His bellicose image desperately needs to be softened, and nothing humanizes a controversial person quite like a pet.

When I saw images of President Obama frolicking with Bo, his Portuguese Water Dog, it made me forget for a moment that he was a Kenyan-born usurper who was systematically destroying our democracy.

If Trump tweeted a pic cuddling with a cat or walking a dog, his approval ratings would skyrocket, but I wouldn`t wish that fate on any animal. Trump would be the worst pet owner in history, he would forget to feed them, he would kick his dog if Rosie O`Donnell blasted him on Twitter, and he would strangle his cat if it scratched his tiny hands.

As a pet owner and animal lover I hope and pray that Trump doesn`t adopt a pet!

“Florence Henderson, the actress who portrayed matriarch Carol Brady on the Seventies sitcom The Brady Bunch, died Thursday in Los Angeles from heart failure. She was 82.

`We are heartbroken to announce the passing of our dear mother Florence Henderson from heart failure,` the Henderson family said in a statement. `On this day of thanks, our beloved mother was surrounded by her devoted children and dearest friends. We thank all of her fans for their many years of love and ask that we be allowed to grieve in private.` “

Rolling Stone

The Henderson family is grieving the loss of their dear mother Florence Henderson, and America is mourning the death of our beloved TV mother Carol Brady.

Florence Henderson and the Brady Bunch were icons of a bygone area when television had the power to unite the country.

The Brady Bunch aired from 1969 to 1974, a quaint era when there were only a few broadcast channels.

The beloved sit-com wasn`t a critical or ratings success during its original run, but it became a monster hit in syndication. The Brady Bunch was must-watch TV in the 80s, 90`s and even today it still garners decent ratings.

It`s unlikely that a sit-com, or any type of program, has the ability to unite America like the Brady Bunch. In the digital age when cable TV, satellite TV, streaming services, podcasts and Internet shows provide us with a gazillion and one choices, it`s almost impossible for a program to break through the niche universe and become a huge hit that is watched by a majority of the American public.

When I was a teenager I watched the Brady Bunch; my friends and I identified with one of the Brady boys and had a crush on one of the Brady sisters. I had a strong physical resemblance to Greg, and I identified with him, and I was madly in love with groovy, Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!

Truth be told I also had a crush on Carol Brady, not only did male teens idolize her as the perfect TV mom, we also fantasied about going to 3rd base with her.

Carol Brady will live forever in syndication, but alas the actress Florence Henderson has died.

America`s Mom has died, and as homage to Carol Brady, I won`t turn on my TV today.

The recently hospitalized rapper`s health problems stem from more than just sleep deprivation and serious dehydration, TMZ reports.

The `Fade` artist, 39, is said to be in a disconcerting mental state, and it`s unlikely he`ll be released from the hospital Thursday to celebrate Thanksgiving at home, sources told the celebrity gossip site.

His psychological issues are reportedly serious enough that insurance is likely to cover the money lost by West abruptly canceling the remainder of his `Saint Pablo Tour,` which still had 21 shows remaining. “

The New York Daily News

You don`t have to be a rocket scientist or a psychologist to discern that Kanye West has serious issues; his mental problems predate his marriage to Kim Kardashian. The Kardashians can be blamed for the decline of Western Civilization, global warming and the coarsening of public discourse, but it`s unfair to blame them for West`s precarious mental condition.

Why then is Kanye West stark raving mad?

You don`t need gaydar to deduce that Kanye West is the gayest rapper in history, but West hasn`t come out of the closet because in the testosterone-fueled rap genre homosexuality is anathema. Is the conflict between West`s gay inner self, and his public macho persona driving him batty?

West has an enormous ego, he frequently compares himself to God. Only the Almighty can handle being omniscient and omnipotent without going nuts, a human being with a God complex will eventually end up in a mental institution.

Although the Kardashians aren`t directly responsible for making West bonkers, Bruce Jenner`s transformation into Caitlyn Jenner may have been the straw that broke the camel`s back. Normal human beings look with disgust at the freak formerly known as Bruce Jenner, but we don`t have to invite him to Thanksgiving dinner. Imagine the agony and confusion of an unfortunate soul with a tormented mind having to deal with the likes of Jenner on a regular basis.

“Alana Annette Savell, 32, was arrested Monday on a charge of aggravated battery with a firearm, Bay County Sheriff’s Office officials said.

A woman told authorities that she had gone to Savell’s home with a friend. Savell said they started drinking and were getting too loud, and said she didn’t want them in her home.

Savell armed herself with a handgun and started shooting at their feet from the doorway of the home, officials said. The woman was hit in the legs and was taken to a hospital for treatment. Savell’s boyfriend was also hit in the leg with a bullet during the shooting, authorities said.

The boyfriend allegedly told authorities that he told Savell that if someone is told to leave their property three times, she is to get the gun and shoot it at the ground. If that doesn’t work, she’s supposed to shoot them in the leg.”

NBC News

Today is Thanksgiving, and most of us are going to have to deal with a guest from hell, who simply refuses to leave. You can put away all the leftovers in the fridge, turn off the lights, slip into your pajamas, and the clueless guest won’t take the hint, he’ll still be in your living room, drinking your beers and watching football on your TV.

We’re too polite to simply tell the guest: Listen buddy, it’s time for you to get the hell out of here! But that’s not the way they roll in the trailer park. In the trailer park they have a three strikes and you get shot rule. If you tell a guest three times to leave to no avail, then you grab your shotgun and shoot it at the ground. If that doesn’t work, then you shoot the bastard in the leg.

Not only was the guest shot, but the homeowner’s boyfriend was also shot as well. He has only himself to blame, because he’s the one who advised Savell to shoot guests who refuse to leave.

Parting thought: Judging by her mugshot Savell doesn’t look all that bad. I would bang her, but I wouldn’t stick around and smoke a cigarette in bed with her, she might shoot my ass when she sobered up.