Depending on whether you heard the Don McLean version or the Madonna version of "American Pie", I have left out or added verses, because I couldn't think of any more rhymes, but didn't want to leave out what I had already written. Enjoy, haters of Mary Sue.

A long long time agoI can still rememberHow the fanfic used to make me smileAnd I knew that if I had the timeMy tales would have a chance to shineAnd maybe I'd be happy for a whileBut the constant badfic made me shiverWith every one the 'net deliveredBad news every mouse clickI couldn't take one more ficI can't remember if I criedWhen I read of Draco's fifteenth brideBut something touched me deep insideThe day the Sues arrivedSo...

Bye bye Mary Sue, you must dieThere's no-one stranger, you're a danger to our lives and that's whyThem good old girls from Potterbadfic arrivedSinging read that and your braincells will dieRead that and your braincells will die

Fanfiction-dot-net is toughAnd we don't want your Suey loveThough your fangirls tell us soHarry Potter hates your rock and rollAnd there's too much garbage at the Pit of VolesYou really need to proofread real slowWell I know that you like Severus Snape'cause I saw you clawing at his capeYou both kicked off your shoesAnd he threw them straight at youI was a lonely teenage Potter fanI thought Dan Radcliffe was my only manBut I wanted to kill the whole fangirl clanThe day the Sues arrivedI started singing

Bye bye Mary Sue, you must dieThere's no-one stranger, you're a danger to our lives and that's whyThem good old girls from Potterbadfic arrivedSinging read that and your braincells will dieRead that and your braincells will die

Harry would rather be on his ownThan with these girls driven by hormonesPlease kill them now, they're hurting meWe've suffered She-Snake and Dragon QueenWritten by twits on cheap caffeineThat really isn't how it ought to beThese Mary Sues all get us downOf all badfic they wear the crownThe evil things must burnTo Hell they should returnWhen the last one popped out of thin airWith her purple eyes and her perfect hairWe acted as if we didn't careThe day the Sues arrived

Bye bye Mary Sue, you must dieThere's no-one stranger, you're a danger to our lives and that's whyThem good old girls from Potterbadfic arrivedSinging read that and your braincells will dieRead that and your braincells will die

I met some girls who sang the bluesAnd I told them they were Mary SuesThey flamed me and turned awayI saw the fics at QanonreipAnd I wept for Harry, Ron and SnapeThe beta readers didn't want to playAnd in the streets the fangirls screamedThe slash fans cried and the filkers dreamedBut not a word was spokenThe canon all was brokenAnd the writers I admired the mostRan off when they were flamed to toastThey caught the last train for the coastThe day the Sues arrivedAnd they were singing

Bye bye Mary Sue, you must dieThere's no-one stranger, you're a danger to our lives and that's whyThem good old girls from Potterbadfic arrivedSinging read that and your braincells will dieRead that and your braincells will die

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