If you have the ability to forward voice-mails, then you have a tool of funny rivaling that of the squirting flower, hand-buzzer, seltzer bottle and cream pie all going off at once. If you don’t, then you either work far in the distant future, where phones have been replaced by telepathic resonance, or you work in one hell-hole of a shitty office that is going out of business soon anyway. Congratulations on your up and coming freedom!

If you do have this ability however, please read on, as we promise to tickle your taint with an idea or two of what to do with this marvelous tool. Please note that you will also need to have the ability to record your own explanation of the voice-mail you are forwarding to get the maximum funny out of this bit. If you have this, you will know what we are talking about. If you don’t, please refer to paragraph one.

As a final note, these ideas rely heavily on you already knowing how to have fun and having a sense of humor. We strongly encourage you to invest in these two skill-sets if you have not done so as of yet. They will take you farther than any other in the world of cubical survival.

Some of our favorite voicemail mixers to demonstrate the idea and get you started in the right direction:

The Fool – Rather than driving yourself nuts over the garbled voice-mail you got from a customer, who is clearly drooling on his 10th drink by 9am, we suggest forwarding it on to one of your friendly coworker allies with an intro message mocking said lush in a wacky, retarded voice of your own.

Voice-mail Tennis – You can get a good rally going back and forth between you and a coworker by simply forwarding the same voicemail back and forth to one another with new introduction recordings added in each time. All varieties of fart noises, burps, lips trills, squeals, squeaks and knocks can lend to a very spicy and hilariously memorable message series.

The Trifecta – Upon engaging in such a rally, you can randomly forward the recorded series mid-game to either another ally (if you are fortunate enough to have more than one) or a coworker of more questionable diplomatic status. This move adds a third element of chaos to the game and can lead to a wonderful trifecta round, if sent to the ally. It can also land you a one-way ticket to HR by the end of the day, if you are not careful with your choice of individual. So choose wisely! This is also an excellent way to test your grounds with an identified potential ally, who has yet to prove their full allegiance to the cause.

An Ole Fashion – You can go for the old fashion calling and leaving a random, but funny, voice-mail. This, of course, relies on you knowing that the coworker will not pick up, unless you are okay with awkward banter.

This whole notion may seem lame and boring at first glance. But, trust us on this one. Give it a go for a day and see what happens. Plenty of funny can be mined out of this deceivingly tiny gem. Or you are a hopeless sad sack, who needs to stop leaving the cruddy voice-mails that are bringing everyone down.