All he needs is a Ridiculous Ironic Mustache, and the transformation will be complete.

Darcy H

PLEASE do not give him the idea. *shudders*

http://angrynerdgirl.net/ Jessi03

I was thinking he really needed some sort of facial hair to complete this “look.”

Rhonda Shore

Maybe he’s good in bed. (Really despise the torn hat. There’s NO NEED.)

demidaemon

After some consideration, I’m not sure it’s worth it.

WendyD

He probably keeps the hat on.

Rhonda Shore

NOOOOOO!!!!

Mrs. Julien

Do you suppose they play the song?

Trent

As a longtime hat person I want to take his stupid torn hat out behind the barn and shoot it. And then I want to come back for hers, rip it off her head and burn it. They are RUINING IT for hat lovers! ** fumes angrily in a grey Trilby **

Kent Roby

Someone beat you to it; his hat has already been shot.

Audra Hammer Ross

He’s worn that particular torn hat a lot. It might have it’s own Twitter account by now.

bitchybitchybitchy

#Badholeyhat. Let’s have some fun and devise our own Twitter handles for the #$@$# hat.

RussellH88

That jacket looks like it’s about to rip open.

I never understood the desire to spend so much time into looking like to don’t care.

I put effort into my appearance because I want to impress people and feel like I look good. I don’t want to give the vibe of “I don’t care about how I look” to the world, especially when it looks so forced.

Dogue

Yeah, if you’re going for the I don’t care look you should at least be comfortable – I’m talking PJ’s people!!

If he wore a Forever Lazy out in public, I might actually give him some kudos for the balls. Instead, we get….this. UGH.

YousmelllikeAnnaWintour

Or just walk around in a Snuggie.

marlie

It probably took him longer to look like this (like he doesn’t care) than it took me to get ready for work this morning (like I DO care). UGH.

AnaRoW

You just reminded me of that comment Steven Tyler once made about how it “costs a lot of money to look this cheap.”

I said this before but it’s not so much that he’s trying to look as if doesn’t care but that he’s dressed like one of the aged rock stars he’s likes hanging around. The goal for rock stars is to stand out, not necessarily to look their best.

GillianHolroyd

I believe that was Dolly Parton’s quote.

formerlyAnon

Though it’s worth recycling!

AnaRoW

It might have been but I specifically remember Tyler using it. (Actually you can find it on Youtube.) He said it during an acceptance speech a long time ago when Aerosmith won best album or something.

http://foodycat.blogspot.co.uk/ Alicia

I’m impressed – I never imagined Steven Tyler to be witty enough to quote Dolly Parton!

formerlyAnon

Heh.

Kent Roby

I always giggle when I think about the time I overheard several young girls, upon hearing Dolly sing “I Will Always Love You”, say “Oh, listen; she’s singing that Whitney Houston song!”. Oy.

Judih1

Yes it was Dolly Parton that coined that term. It was during a Barbara Walters interview. I am a long time Dolly Parton fan

Kent Roby

That’s always been my problem with this type of look; there’s nothing truly effortless about it, which defeats the entire purpose. Depp probably has a staff member dedicated to scuffing up shoes/boots with sandpaper.

@Biting Panda

That’s funny, I want to rip that hat off of his head, then give him a swift punch in the junk, for having worn it. She’s fine. But I really wish they’d televised the meeting that all of Celebritydom held, in order to hand out hats and force them all to sign contracts, obligating them to wear them.

demidaemon

I’m surprised you would put your hand so close to that area. Who knows where it has been?

I wonder. Is that meeting held in the same conference center (probably in Dubai, right?) where the designers have their Top Secret annual meeting to decide which silly trends they will all spontaneously feature in their collections?

bitchybitchybitchy

That would explain how the fashion atrocities such as granny panties and sheer anything over granny panties are perpetrated upon an unsuspecting populace.

formerlyAnon

Really, what else could explain such things?

bitchybitchybitchy

The idea of the glitterati of the fashion world holed up in some fantastically expensive yet gauche hotel as they dream up those idiotic ideas seems right to me.

titaness25

What…what is going on with his hat? Splinter has risen from the sewers to chew his way through the top of Johnny Depp’s hat. I was all-fired ready to defend his crazy…but…I cannot. With that hat.

Kitten Mittons

Tubular TMNT reference.

kimmeister

I think someone else may have been TLo to it and already stomped all over it.

demidaemon

Well, they should have made it impossible to rewear somehow. because whatever they did, did not stop him from wearing it.

sablehunter

He looks ridiculous. Buuuuurn the hanky. I think she’s looks kinda cute, but I want to chop the dead ends off her pigtails.

Monabel

And, darn the jeans.

bitchybitchybitchy

He looked at her tenderly and whispered, “We shall dress alike like little celeb hobos and I will call you mini-me”

Lolo Andre

Why is he wearing a ripped hat? Am I missing something o_O

cocohall

Like the sad, scuffed shoes, the hat is one he has had for a long time and he is prone to wearing his clothes until they just deteriorate. in a recent interview in Rolling Stone he talked about wearing a pair of pants and they ripped out the back so he just taped them back together and proceeded onto his son’s school event. I’m thinking that until one of his kids tells him to stop being such a colossal embarrassment, he is going to just keep working this particular look, thinking he is somehow paying tribute the the working class. Oh Johnny please. For what it’s worth, this sort of look works better on tall, lanky types like Steven Tyler and Keith Richards. The clothes have to have a bit more “flow” to look gutter fabulous. Johnny is a talented actor who can pull off many roles, but tall and lanky are not in his wheelhouse.

Anathema_Device

Oh, but it is why you SHOULD hang around celebrities, darlings!

Do you think they get all tangled up in each others’ necklaces when they kiss, like middle schoolers with braces?

Donna Tabor

While I appreciate his commitment to the planet, via recycling, maybe shopping for ALL his clothing and accessories at Goodwill is a less than ideal strategy.

RedRaven617

I seriously doubt Goodwill would carry such an item in bad shape. Even they have standards.

Kate Andrews

It’s probably from John Varvatos or something. Retails for $5k.

Rachel

he used to be one of my main older celebrity man-crushes (and anything outside of my evil and British type was a big step for me!). but now every time i look at him, all i think is “seriously affected” and “dad jeans.” honestly, those clothes look like he whistles when he wakes up and they jump on his body. unwashed try-hard is no one’s type.

MartyBellerMask

Oh, FFS.

sugarkane105

THESE HATS MUST STOP. THERE ARE FOUR ON TLO’S HOMEPAGE ALONE.

Sarah

Oh, thank you for taking the need for me to put my caps lock on out of my hands. I couldn’t be more in agreement. It doesn’t matter a whit if one celeb out of ten actually wears an okay hat, the rest of them are FAILING (shoot, I capped it anyway!)

demidaemon

What, is it hatageddon now? If it is, I’m out, people.

Paigealicious

It’s hatcore.

Kathy

Yes, it’s definitely a hatastrophe.

decormaven

If I drape the hobo hanky over the distressed hat, will he disappear?

Karen Belgrad

According to the hanky code, Johnny is a “heavy SM bottom”
(insert “The More You Know” NBC jingle here)

formerlyAnon

Goddamn, how did I forget about the hanky code? (Probably because it played no real part in my vanilla life, that’s how.)

Thanks for the best laugh of the day, so far.

demidaemon

I would be laughing my ass off right now if I wasn’t at work.

Danielle

I am SCREAMING with laughter. My boss is about to call security.

Noah

I’d believe Amber Heard is a top.

Kate Andrews

I also am holding Pharrell responsible. Stop with the hats!

Rhonda Shore

Pharrell has NOTHING to do w/Depp’s torn hat. Pharrell’s hat was historically significant: It was part of Vivienne Westwood’s Fall/Winter ’82 Collection “Buffalo Gals(Nostalgia of the Mind)” created with her boyfriend and creative collaborator Malcolm McLaren. Together, Westwood and McLaren sought out the Bronx’s Rock Steady Crew to create visuals that Pharrell directly drew reference from for his outfit.”

Kate Andrews

Yes. I know the history. Still looks ridic.

Rhonda Shore

Didn’t mean to get all schoolmarmy about it, but i think it’s cool that Pharrell took that reference…

Kate Andrews

I would have been A-OK with it if he’d stopped with one hat, not one in every color, and a months-long habit of wearing them everywhere!

Rhonda Shore

for a moment i thought that Johnny Depp had a torn hat in every color…*sighs*

She’s wearing the same necklace that J.Law was wearing in earlier post today! AKA, now I need to know who made that necklace and how I can buy it

sugarkane105

Oo, good catch. On the Jlaw post, it says it’s a Pamela Love necklace. It looks like that designer has a lot of fab jewelry, though all a little bit out of my price range for now

lunchcoma

And I thought I was embarrassed of my father’s clothes when I was a teenager…I wonder what Lily-Rose and Jack think.

Kitten Mittons

Herp Derpp sinks to new levels. The outfit coordination is making me nauseous.
*berf*

hughman

The hat schtick? I blame Pharrell.

suzq

Hipster jean holes where no jean holes would ever be in real life.

Anna

Nothing says true love like assholes wearing his-n-hers asshats.

Wendi126

In body language and appearance he is the creepy uncle she is trying not to get too close to

Anna

True. Especially the way he’s holding onto her arm.

Cordelia_Gray

I think he’s really just after her hat. Probably going to tear a few holes into it.

MaggieMae

That torn hat. Oy.

Miss wks

Re: black bandana…maybe he’s just into S&M….

Cathy S

Oh my god, that stupid hat again. With the hole that goes with the rips in her jeans, I guess. Blech.

Roz

Where’s his facial hair? I’m kind of freaked out to see him without the trimmings!

MilaXX

I’m sure that hat is a punchable offense.

Capt. Renault

And as ugly and silly as that hat is, I’m sure it costs more than my mortgage payment.

Mary Carpenter

Funny, even before I got to the commentary I was thinking, Affectations.

ChristySchiff

Thank God they’re celebrities. Can you imagine being behind them in the TSA line? Ugh.

Mary Lauer

Okay, having just read up on bandana messaging, I am not sure he wants that hanging from his pocket. Also, notice how they aren’t toting any luggage even tho they are arriving at a HOTEL?! Must be nice to have minions! (Sorry, this post was 95% fashion commentary free.)

jay

at least where I’m from, hanky code only applies if it’s in your back pocket. front pocket just signals “full of it”

formerlyAnon

I was wondering why it was hanging out of the front not the back pocket . . .

ShaoLinKitten

Someone needs to tell Johnny that he can afford a new hat when the old one rips.

http://redheadedwolf.wordpress.com/ Laura Renee

“We want to rip that stupid hobo hanky out of his pocket, grab that hat off his head, throw them on the ground and jump up and down on them, screaming, “AFFECTATIONS! AFFECTATIONS!”

And this is why we don’t hang around celebrities, darlings.”

You guys crack me up EVERY. DAY. <3

(She is too pretty for this, seriously.)

ETA: AHAHAHA, I only just realized you didn't mean you want to throw Amber and Johnny on the ground to stomp on them, bu the hanky and hat. But I liked it better the first way.

FibonacciSequins

Such pretentious dishevelment.

Annaline39

I love your username

FibonacciSequins

Thanks! I took it from a PowerPuffs Girls character.

formerlyAnon

Oh, TLo. You are SO WISE. The Dreadful Hat and the precious, carefully ironed flowing bandana are the Sins That Must Be Eradicated.

Otherwise, she’s fine. She’s young and has been exposed to poor sartorial influences, but fine. He’s definitely putting on the middle-aged weight.

I hope you’re both having a lovely time and are blissfully happy and are good to each other. And employing excellent lawyers (AMBER: YOU WANT THE HIGH DOLLAR TALENT, GIRL.)

(While we’re sharing, Amber, honey, remember: real estate located in a good market, NOT signature jewelry. Reliable birth control. Trust me. I know the big 3-0 looms, but you can reconsider if you’re still happy in three or four years and you’ve seen how he handles being the noncustodial dad.)

demidaemon

Also, get a prenuptial agreement that favors you heavily!

formerlyAnon

Oh, she need never bother her pretty little head over that, once she (with her hardest-eyed parent, mentor or friend at her side – the one who’s irritated you most over the last year, Amber, by saying “as long as you’re happy” in an even tone every time you want them to gush happily with you over this relationship) has had one brief chat with those expensive lawyers. His & hers can duke it out.

demidaemon

Glad it’s not me. I’m still part of marriage drama (not mine) that I want to just forget about. Alas, I cannot. Double UGH.

formerlyAnon

I honestly keep wondering if they’ll ever actually get married. He and the mother of his kids didn’t, if I recall correctly.

I’ll use an example. I love Robin Thicke and Paula Patton together because the explosion of TACKY (it must be in caps) is so amazing, wonderful, and hilarious. However, with these two idjits, all we get is hipster annoying UGH, which while fun for a few images (such as TLo Fashion attacks and Biting Panda cobra groin strikes) just makes me cranky and ugh and “why won’t you two go away?” That is my definition of care.

girlsaturday

One day I will open a boutique named ‘Affectations’ and sell broken sunglasses and chewed up thriftstore hats for hundreds and hundreds of dollars. And then I will go buy myself something that doesn’t look like it smells like a subway station.

Watterson

He dresses like a grandpa at Coachella.

Madam Von Sassypants

He has gained an incredible talent for picking outfits that make him all sorts of hippy and wide around the middle.

littlevase

Pharrell called. He said he specifically DOESN’T want his hat back. Unless you fumigate it first.

kduffin7

Johnny wants to be Keith Richards, who wears his bandanas effortlessly carelessly. Love him (and I do) or hate him, that’s Keith. Johnny has put way too much effort into his attempt to look careless.

Monabel

This gives affectation a bad name.

MannahattaMamma

Um actually they’re both dressing like Pharrell. And the only person who can pull off that damn hat is…Pharrell. Feh.

Even with all the ridiculous affectations (unless you have a rat problem in your house, that would never happen to a hat), can’t he look in the mirror and see that his clothes are making him look thick, stubby, and short? My mountain rancher rural lesbian high school English teacher pretty much dressed just like him in 1980.

Pennymac

OMG, I died at “mountain rancher rural lesbian high school English teacher”!

demidaemon

That image of TLo is worth all the UGH I am feeling looking at these two in pictures again.

KT

Hahahahaha I just laughed so hard when I saw that fucking hat. What an asshole.

http://www.youtube.com/user/TheOctocornNetwork International Model

Now on sale at Pier One Imports in the back corner with the owl salt and pepper shakers….

colleenjanel

If he ditched the bandana and the rat-gnawed hat, and opened the jacket, it wouldn’t be a horrible look. Not good, mind you … just not horrible.

marlie

She… looks fine. It would actually be a cute little look if he wasn’t standing next to her.

He… why would anyone WANT to wear a hat that looks like it had been nibbled on by rodents? STOP.

sagecreek

Good God, it’s almost impossible to remember that he used to be sexy.

formerlyAnon

To be fair, a lot of us have gone down that slide between 25 and 50. Just without benefit of photographers and a career (partially) built on it.

sagecreek

It’s easier for me, I was never all that cute to begin with

Loramir

Plenty of people lose their sex appeal between 25 and 50. Some of them just manage to hang on to their dignity in the process.

formerlyAnon

You have hit upon the very point and stated it succinctly. Kudos.

kittentoes

A certain amount of dignity is sexy. I refuse to copulate with someone who eats hats though.

Janet B

Him: Remove three items and I’d give him a pass (hint: hat, jacket, & handkerchief)
Her: Give him back his necklaces

Ashley Ellen Wilson

He looks like he’s using her for support! Grandpa is RIGHT.

Patrick Cleary

What does a navy blue hanky on the right mean? Johnny, what are you into?

J. Preposterice

johnny’s bone structure tho

formerlyAnon

Yeah. It’s a damn shame. I mock through my tears.

Erica

God, wouldn’t it be GREAT if TLo did drive-by fits against celebrity assholes and their affectations? I’ve never been a fan of his, but lately the way he dresses–and this new pretentious fiance–actually inspires active dislike in me. I usually try to reserve those feelings for folks like Lance Armstrong and that douchebag Tori Spelling married.

Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

As many of you know, I work in geriatrics. He’s holding her arm just like an old man would hold the arm of a caregiver who is walking him to the dining room. Oh, Amber. Run. RUN – he will never be able to catch you.

B_C_J

I like him too much to criticize him for this look. Yes, it’s quirky but it’s true to his style.

WendyD

Where is River Song when you need her?

Cordelia_Gray

I think she already shot it off his head and he just picked it up, tore the holes up a bit more, and put it on again.

boweryboy

I hate how possessively he’s gripping her arm. It creeps me out for some reason.

GillianHolroyd

I am confused. That hat is… immaculate but with a giant hole in the crown. It would be funny if it were raining because his head would get wet. And how does he get that bandanna to hang out of his pocket just so? I would lose it in the first five minutes.

In sum: a pretentious git.

Dandesun

It’s like someone made sure they couldn’t sneak up on any birds before they went out.

KinoEye

It’s the hat. Again. That damn hat. And it’s ripped even MORE than it was the last time.

I’ve been in a ridiculously pissy mood all day, but the fact that his Elderly Gay Windchime aesthetic is infecting her now is too hilarious for words.

Pennymac

It’s like a virus…..

Jennifer Schiller

Is that the sorting hat from Harry Potter he’s wearing? The rip on top looks like it’s about to start singing.

twocee

Lord, I remember when he was hot. Now, he just scares me.

DesertDweller79

His hat! Oh, I just can’t….

ashtangajunkie

What the fuck is with his pants?

PastryGoddess

yes dears we SEE you. now go away

frannyprof

UGH UGH UGH

dash1211

Obviously, she’s too ashamed to look up.

Mrs. Julien

You are richer than Croesus, BUY A NEW HAT!

DTLAFamilies

She is a serious downgrade from Vanessa Paradis, even if she is young, blonde and beautiful. The famewhore fumes overpower everything.

formerlyAnon

The midlife crisis partner can be lacking in substance (not that I know anything about either, really) if sufficiently adept at reflecting back perceived glory.

They are of a type, if you compare Paradis’ photos from 15 years ago. Though there is something piquant to Paradis’ look that Amber lacks.

Stacy C

They look ridiculous.. but he looks.. Cleaner? than normal. He doesn’t seem to have his normal sheen of yuck on his face.

Nicholas

Depp being all “Those Coachella neophytes ain’t got shit on me”.

flamingoNW

Well the hat at least has a practical purpose, taking the place of movie magic for certain follical challenges….

Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

It’s been a while since I considered such things, but what does a black bandana hanging out of the right front pocket mean?

Lori

IIRC it’s “I am a total douche canoe.” Or may that’s the black bandanna in the left front pocket and the right front pocket means “When I have my “private time” I look at pictures of myself.”

Fordzo a.k.a. Fancy Mukluks

I love you so hard right now.

Lori

Why, thank you.

Angela

People need to knock it off with the dumpster dive hats already.

Sophie

I would pay to see you do that. I do like her bag and jacket, but his hat needs to be burned.

Bozhi

At least he shaved that gross hair off his face. I’m thanking her for that.

Terri Terri

Gahhhhh

abishagijh

I can not even start to imagine the stink of those boots he wears.

http://gabyrippling.tumblr.com/ Gaby

I am actually offended he persists in wearing that horrendously tortured hat. I love hats and the holes in his hat fill me with disgust. That poor hat (which could probably at least pay for my electric or cable bill, if not my rent).

Tsk.

Jean Beaton Leavitt

I was thinking the same thing and it felt good to see not one, but two AFFECTATIONS! Yes!

moohoop

The funny thing is, take away her jingle jangles and hat and she’s got a pretty standard business-casual look.

nicewilliams

His outfit bares a striking resemblance to Zozia’s recent appearance!

Morales Mike

I’m just gonna say it – He’s too old for her and she can do better. And the hat looks like something he bought in the Indiana Jones Ride gift shop after he deboarded at Disneyland.

Lisa M. (ReVoir) Kramp

“AFFECTATIONS! AFFECTATIONS!” is even better than “BALANCIAGA!!” from AHS. I am giggling helplessly here.

Cordelia_Gray

Johnny is dressed like my grandpa used to dress, except my grandpa’s hat was always immaculate. My grandpa was 85. Why are you dressing like my 85 year old grandfather, Johnny?

DinahR

In at Urban Dictionary next to “Ass Hat” — there needs to be this photo. Says it all.

Toby Wollin

ayyyyyyy! Brain bleach, aisle 5! I can’t unsee this now…

Jamie Kearns

The thing is, I actually like her look. It’s just a shame she chose to accessorize her outfit with Johnny Depp.

nannypoo

After it’s over she will never live this down.

&theJets

“AFFECTATIONS! AFFECTATIONS!” You guys are hilarious. Thank you for the chuckle!

Bonnie Blue

Oh dear, Johnny. What has happened to you. No. I always liked hats but I can’t sign off on the hats celebrities are wearing lately. His has a giant hole in it and hers looks like it belongs on Dudley Do-Right. I’m sad to say his look has gone from cool to comical.

rebeemoon

Johnny is wearing Zosia’s boots from the “Farmland” premiere.

Eric Stott

Absolutely tragic…..BUT HALLELUJAH HE SHAVED!

Evan

It’s amazing how quickly they’ve climbed up the “most annoying celebrity couples list.” I think it might be record pace.

Laura Livingston

She looks like she’s embarrassed or hiding a black eye. He looks like the douchey meth dealer who gave her the black eye.

MzzPants

Amber, honey. You’re letting him dress you. Time to move on.

malarson2

Her shortest necklace looks VERY similar to the one Ms. Lawrence is wearing on the front page here at TLo. Trend alert?

quiltrx

He’s cute IF we ditch the hat, affected ‘dirty’ shoes, and bandanna. And we get her the fuck out of the picture. WAKE UP JOHNNY.
My hubby says he needs a REALLY GOOD Tim Burton team-up to wake himself from this midlife crisis/career nightmare.

formerlyAnon

After “Charlie & the Chocolate Factory” I can never trust the Burton-Depp collaboration again.

Phydeaux

Spy VS Spy!

http://armchairauthor.wordpress.com/ LesYeuxHiboux

What a great jacket. Why’d he have to ruin it with all that other shit? I’m going to New York to tear that hat off his head myself and throw it down a sewer drain where it belongs. The rats can use it as a very ineffective boat.

CarrieBaby

I don’t have a problem with her look. Johnny on the other hand… No words

I think Johnny’s hat was once part of some sort of halloween costume but it’s axe is missing.

kirkyo

I’d like to rip of his sweater and keep it for myself.

SierraDelta

Oh look — it’s Dress Like Dad Day!

Shibori Girl

Just have to say that I love you all madly…best laughs all day. Where does one apply to be a ninja cobra?

Now I have to go google “hanky code”. .. Research – it’s a good thing.

BTW her hat with the high brim makes me think of Dog Patch, although it would need a hole.
That would be just too matchy-matchy.

Aurumgirl

Those rebellious scuffy boots! That torn, time worn hat! The white pants before Victoria Day! I am so tired out by how hard he’s trying. And now, her too.

Lilithcat

I will never understand why people with money to burn want to dress as though they found their clothes in a dumpster.

Courtney

The jacket has potential, if not zippered in that weird way. The hat/glasses combo reminds me of Judge Doom from “Roger Rabbit,” which is not a look that should ever be pursued outside of a cartoon based film.

Affectations, affectations!
Put your necklaces to work.
Affectations, affectations!
Accessorize like a real jerk.
Affectations!
I don’t think they even know what restraint is!
I got your restraint right here…
Where does the hanky go?

Sabin

Thinking and jangling. Made my day.

ellisd123

Does he own ANY OTHER shoes?! And it just looks like they got infested with moths – I can’t with the “artful distressing”

lilazander

where the hell does he buy those clothes? I somehow cannot picture him going to a thrift store where so many mortals go.