Trump Begins Buyout of National U.S. Monuments

(ST. LOUIS, Missouri) – Renovations are nearly complete on the Gateway Arch, the first of seven national monuments and memorials in President Trump’s plan to allow major corporations to buyout and re-open these landmarks in his own honor.

McDonalds acquired the rights to the Gateway Arch in February after finding a loophole in the National Park Service’s airspace agreement. Now, the 52 year old monument is set to become the largest McDonalds arch in the world.

But the billion dollar fast food titan won’t get to take all the glory. President Trump has cleverly named his new, gold-plated viewing deck the “Arc de Trump”.

Trump has told his supporters that this effort will create “good jobs”, and stimulate tourism to the “obviously very bad” St. Louis downtown area. We can’t disagree with him on that last part.

Construction will begin on the remaining six monuments and memorials as early as Spring 2018. A list of the structures and accompanying corporations below: