My name is Adotekom Okodi-Iyah, & my Lips are the pen of a skillful writer…

September 25, 2012September 25, 2012

TEA, COFFEE…OR TRUST?

TRUST…*deep sigh*…I know I’m in for some good long writing…And err, as much as I’m a guy…*doing the balls test* LOL…I’ll try to be very unbiased and sit on the fence…I’m neither male or female on this one.

So, let’s go…TRUST…hmmmmm…almost, if not more important than LOVE itself in a relationship…So ladies, it’s come to my knowledge…(from years of long, hard study and research) that many, err sorry, most, I mean practically all of you don’t trust your men…*sad face* Wait! Did I just do a sad face? Oops! I’m supposed to be neutral here…LOL, and hey! When I type “LOL” I’m really laughing…just for the record…laughing and punching my keyboard hard.

I’m getting so distracted here…coz I’m excited this morning…why? I really don’t know…woke up on the right side of my bed…which by the way has TWO right sides…hehehehe…Focus Adotekom, Focus!!

Now back to the issue at hand…why is there so much lack of trust in relationships these days? Your man’s like…”Baby, I’m still at the office, so much work today…” You reply…”Ok boo, don’t stress yourself too much ok?”…Now that’s an ‘I-TRUST-YOU-WITH-ALL-MY-HEART’ reply, but what’s really racing through your mind are pictures of your man on top of his female colleague on the office desk…*shaking my head*

Many of you see every other woman in your man’s life as a threat…And when I say every other woman I mean his colleagues, classmates, schoolmates, old time friends…in short any acquaintance in his life that doesn’t resemble a man. I have close friends whose ladies monitor their text messages, emails, Blackberrys..abi na Blackberries…phonecalls, twitter and facebook accounts…Geez! Where’s a man supposed to go for some breathing space? You check through his phones, shirt pockets, laptop, ipad…in short anything that he keeps information in…Just for a sniff, the slightest hint or evidence that there’s a mistress out there.

If some ladies had their way, they’d personally be in charge of picking up all their guy’s phone calls…*I might need a bodyguard after this*… In all my past relationships…(and hey! they ain’t that many), for those of you who want to imagine me as one Hugh Hefner, hold it there o…Did I sound guilty for a minute? *adjusting my halo*

So, I was saying…in all my past relationships, I have been asked this question soooo many times…”WHO IS SHE??!”…Just because I waved, greeted, or chatted briefly with another lady…even if it’s through the phone. Immediately the interrogation begins…I come face to face with the Russian KGB itself— practically, until I can prove beyond every reasonable doubt that I have no strings attached…strings too strong sef, that I have no thread attached to the lady.

I honestly don’t blame ladies, for we live in a cold world out there(grab your warm clothing)…full of man-eaters, sorry, man-snatchers and guys who profess their undying love to a woman yet flirt and sleep with others out there…*sad face*

For some of the ladies, they probably don’t have the strength…physical or psychological, to do all that “Sherlock Holmes” style snooping and probing for proof and evidence. But deep inside, lingers doubt and fear…about their man’s faithfulness…I don’t know which is worse…to let it out or let it eat you inside? I’ve heard many ladies say: “As far I’m concerned, I’ll just assume he’s cheating, so when I find out, I won’t be too heartbroken”…Some ladies say…”I know he’s cheating, as long as he does it respectfully I don’t mind” (mind you she hasn’t caught him yet)…And seriously??!! Respectful cheating? Cheating is already disrespect!

Ladies, when we hang out with the boys…(I know y’all can’t stand that!), it doesn’t mean we have ladies sitting on our laps planting kisses on our necks. Those female friends we have..are just friends! (This isn’t a universal conclusion), mind you! But I mean, we’ve known many of them long before we met you. Like for me, I have more female than male friends…that’s just the way it’s panned out. My point is, there’s absolutely no sense in being in a relationship with someone you can’t, or don’t trust…Its like investing all your money in a bank you feel might collapse anyday…It simply isn’t worth it…If he’s worth dating, he is worth the benefit of the doubt.

And that’s why many ladies are in abusive relationships…Physical and emotional abuse because the guy’s always scared, intimidated or outright jealous when he sees his woman within a hundred metres of another man…

In a guy’s defense though, you can’t blame us for getting a little jealous when we hear or see y’all getting comfy with another guy….even if he’s a harmless friend *clearing my throat*…It’s natural. Love comes with many packages, and one of them is jealousy. Don’t get mad if our mood changes right after you’ve just had a two-minute laugh-and-chat with a friend you bumped into while we’re on a date.

We can’t help but get a ‘little’ defensive and ask necessary questions when other guys (who we beat to the finish line) *winks* are offering you gifts, calling and sending all kinds of romantic stuff…(in our eyes, sending you all kinds of c@%^*! LOL

Ladies, our sweet, beautiful ladies…it’s not you we don’t trust…It’s the men…the smooth talkers trying to use their charm, money and gifts (sometimes we can’t afford those things sef…lmao!) to try and lure you away from home…And home here means US! Your knights in shining armour…(hey, where’s my helmet?).

Many relationships these days are a joke…with so much cheating happening on both sides…But if your relationship is special, and the person means everything to you…Then I think the least you can do, is give that person some trust. Trust gives your man or woman confidence…to keep on loving you, with ease and peace of mind. No trust in a relationship is like a house without a roof…You’ll feel the heat and the rain…and of course…it comes with pain…(omg!!! I rhymed! I rhymed!) *wiping tears of joy*

You get my point though…If you’re in love, remember, love is a risk…So give it to someone who’s worth the investment…Love has a price, and the greatest of them is…TRUST!

Wish you all a HAPPY EVER AFTER! (yup, I believe in fairy tales)…hope y’all end up like the peeps in this pic! *winks*

Please don’t ever let past hurts and heartbreaks prevent you from enjoying your new relationships…You didn’t get it right before doesn’t mean you’ll never get it right…

Thanks for reading this piece…I appreciate it…I’m off to have lunch with Cupid…

Adot, you said you have more female freinds right? That means you will be ok if your Lady has more male friends and it won’t build up any form of jealousy. I said so because there might be room for temptation unless a line is drawn between one and most of the opposite sex. What do you think?

Yeah…i have lots of female friends…not because i go out of my way to make them…but it’s just happened to be that way for me…And, hard as this might be to believe…it usually is just close friendship at most…no intimacy, just a really good bond of friendship between a guy and a lady. Of course once in a while the ‘boundaries’ get crossed…That’s where maturity comes in…Naturally, I’ve suffered a lot of interrogation and suspicion in my relationships because of this…Not because I’m guilty of anything…but because it’s natural for a woman to feel that way with a lot of female ‘friends’ around her man…Its my responsibility to convince my woman that she has my undying loyalty to her and only her…which is something many guys fail to do…
As for the issue of her having many male friends…lets not even go there….lol
Thanx for readin and lovin this piece…ur an inspiration, as always

Hmmm, trust, a heavy word. Ever heard d saying “trust no 1 but yourself” just kidding. Anywayz, just wanna make a quick one on the friend ish. I think its more like a question. You have plenny gals as friends(not judging cus I hav same on the opposite) but I feel when one does get into a relationship there has to be a line drawn ( nw I aint saying cus ones in a relationship to hell with your friends) but, I’ve always had this feeling, wen u have a lot of friends on the opposite sex it can be abit tempting even when you’re in something serious, cause when ur all happy and dandy ur 2nd other is your confidante, when things go sore in a realtionship, rather than work on it some take solace in their friends, who ofcourse may have been giving em an eye all along and would welcome taking the part of the comforter and this results to a lot of break ups and stuff. Nudge me when I start babbling *smile* how exactly that line is drawn is what eludes me anyway. Heard a topic same as this on the radio once, no 1 could come up with a suitable conclusion. Another thing is, no matter how much you try to convince your other, there’s always gonna be room for doubt when the circumstances around presume so. Emmmm, enough said, cus I think I am babbling now. Lovely write up!

My dear…the perfect relationship is one in which the person you’re dating, is not just your lover, but your brst friend, your confidante, your homeboy or homegirl, your paddi, someone you can share everything and anything with….cos any thing short of this…only gives room for ‘outsiders’ to come in, especially in times of despair or challenges…that you feel you cant tell the person you’re dating

A. Dot personally oh, I feel trust is overated. There are other key factors we don’t take serious in relationships eg communication. Cheating happens in our head long before the act happens. That being said I go through my man’s phone, not because I don’t trust him or because am looking for stuff but because am human. Lol

I think curiosity is part of human nature tho. The only problem I feel with snooping is u cud find harmless stuff that look or feel harmful. That cud sow a seed of distrust where there should not be one in the first place. I feel someone who wants to cheat will cheat no matter what you do. If I cud have one super power it sound be to know people’s intentions and thoughts. ..sadly that’s impossible..That takes us back to the old saying..”Give someone the benefit of the doubt.: Easier said than done sometimes tho.