Creating Conflict

Written in November ’12 and apparently I forgot to press publish… This is profoundly entertaining to me because of the topic. It is also entertaining because I’m in the process of launching my Indiegogo Campaign and I’m trying to make things happen there too… Hmm maybe I need to listen to myself. Let it flow.

The rumble of impending despair.

Have you ever had one of these days? You know the ones where you wake up and slowly one by one everything begins to go wrong? Well I’ve had one of those in fact I’m having one of those. Phone issues – trying to get to meetings that I’m running late for only to get stuck behind 4 – yes 4 – dirt movers. The dirt movers to me are any massive tractor that I can’t see over and that only goes 10 miles per hour. Obviously this was not a recipe to get to where you are going on time.

Some days I wonder if I’ve had this day solely so that I can blog about it. Hmm. Let me think about that really – did I have a crappy enough day that I’m feeling the urge to blog about it right after feeling like I really wanted to write but couldn’t get inspired? Uh Oh . I did this to myself.

What really struck me and what I wanted to write about though was not screwing oneself by imagining something bad into being, nor was it the meh day itself, but the reminder that I got of my time in Haiti.

I arrived in Haiti one month after the earthquake and stayed for three weeks. While there I did what was needed. In life I have typically defined my role very specifically, but there I did what was needed. Sometimes that was having a conversation with someone, other times it was meditating. I translated at UN meetings, and helped with design plans for sustainable communities. I held babies and got them food. Basically I lived and was helpful where possible.

Things in Haiti took longer than I expected then to. This was typical always. Yes I really meant to emphasize that always is not just an overstatement it was the actual state of things. I learned through my time there to remove my expectations and simply be in the moment. Because of this I suffered from far fewer frustrations.

While I believe that we often create the conflict that we need in order to grow, sometimes that lesson isn’t easily learned. In Haiti, I was practicing presence and being. It felt wonderful. Leading back to today’s lesson. Perhaps what I should have done was simply be aware that I was running behind and enjoy the time I was in instead of trying to force things that obviously were only going to happen when they were ready.