(828): So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.

(630): You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.

(608): Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

[color="Red"]Twitter... because texting whilst driving [i]isn't[/i] dangerous enough...[/color]
"Almost ran over a bicyclist because he didn't stop at the stop sign, idiot."
"Oops, ran over a bicyclist while writing that last twit."

(917): Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him

[color="Red"]Twitter... because texting whilst driving [i]isn't[/i] dangerous enough...[/color]
"Almost ran over a bicyclist because he didn't stop at the stop sign, idiot."
"Oops, ran over a bicyclist while writing that last twit."

I haven't been on that site in almost a month... I am missing out on so much

[color="Red"]Twitter... because texting whilst driving [i]isn't[/i] dangerous enough...[/color]
"Almost ran over a bicyclist because he didn't stop at the stop sign, idiot."
"Oops, ran over a bicyclist while writing that last twit."

425- Since when was posting Lady Gaga lyrics as your status on Facebook considered cool?

[color="Red"]Twitter... because texting whilst driving [i]isn't[/i] dangerous enough...[/color]
"Almost ran over a bicyclist because he didn't stop at the stop sign, idiot."
"Oops, ran over a bicyclist while writing that last twit."