So this blogpost has a little undertone that could be taken as dark. Its not dark. Just a warning. Today I am writing about the support (sometimes lack of) that artists get. I have amazing supportive people around me! Just something I noticed today as I got a “real job” (yes that’s sarcasm) is that people are so stoked for me! Don’t get me wrong I am stoked also, I like to eat so I love that I have a job. I love the support I am getting also, don’t think I don’t love your support.

I just happened to notice that not as many people were stoked for me when I got my grant for my documentary. It might be because they have no idea what is entailed in getting a grant. It might be my inability to explain what a huge deal that is, especially for me. I thought as I have already received a grant for an exhibition which was a big deal, that people who know me would be stoked for me. Im sorry if it sounds selfish but I can only draw from my experiences here.

An artist friend of mine Linsey Walker is headed to Japan next year for an Artist Residency. I was one of the only people who reacted accordingly as I got rather excited and jealous! Any artist would know to be stoked as as residency is great but in another country is amazing! Linsey has already done a residency in Iceland so another one is even more amazing!

I am curious if any other artists have problems like this? I get that this sounds like I am complaining, I’m not trying to, I’m just curious. I will always support my Artist friends as I love all that they achieve!

I love and support all my artist friends and I am so stoked for all their success. I really hope for everyone to understand the big things in everyones lives, not just artists.

To everyone, if something big happens in your life please know I am stoked for you. Even if your something big is putting on pants and leaving the house. I believe in you! Your success is great and someone is cheering you on!

Side note: Kia Carrington-Russell (my author friend) is headed over to America for a tour so if I have any followers over there (which I doubt), find her on social media and find out where she will be!

A little bit of good news, if you know me you would know that I don’t get to live off the money from my photography. As much as I love photography it just doesn’t pay for me to eat yet. So the news is I probably have a job! Just a casual job to pay for life, I will still have time for my business!

Yes I dabble in video at present but beyond a maybe 30 second video of a concert, I am at a loss. I have taken the plunge into video as I have received an RADF grant for a documentary. Before continuing please go subscribe to my youtube to see my videos so far:https://m.youtube.com/channel/UCf4UYbZuTjuXVnCSZ3P5Xrw

As my computer is away being fixed I will not be uploading videos soon. Once my laptop is fixed or I have a new one, I will be uploading a introductory video! In the mean time its just blogposts to update you guys. Also I am researching stand alone microphones, if you are good with audio help me out please!

If you follow me on social media you would see that I am currently looking for Artisans to feature in Good Old Fashioned Gratification. GOFG is to document artisans telling stories and working on their lost art form. The processes of such things as sign writing, carpentry and letterpress, will be documented in the form of a short film. This short films purpose is to show younger humans the beauty of working for a unique outcome and the gratification that comes with things that are not instant.

Good Old Fashioned Gratification will benefit all generations, myself and artisans past, present and future.

If you happen to know an artisan that would like to be filmed please send me their info as I would love to hear about them!

So for this post I am gunna go a lot more personal than we have gone previously, I still hope you enjoy the read!

A few quick things you might not know unless we are friends. I have ADHD which was not assessed until after I graduated high school. I have been on anti depressants for at least 3 years now and have wanted off of them since February this year. We had a suicide in the family early March which made it the worst possible time to go off anti depressants. I learnt recently that I don’t have asthma, I just have panic attacks from anxiety. I have had Ross River Fever for a year now.

GOING OFF ANTI DEPRESSANTS: I wanted to get off anti depressants (as they made me feel dehydrated and I don’t want to rely on pills to feel ok) around Feb, I did not know how to go about it so I went to the doctors and asked about my options. The doctor suggested a mental health plan to go see a psychologist and eventually a psychiatrist. I booked in to see a psychologist halfway through March and by then I NEEDED it, I heard about Jade’s suicide the day it happened sometime during the day… I was told, talked to my parents about it as I don’t live with them and just went about my day. At 6pm that night about when it was getting dark I picked mac and cheese (packet mac and cheese, super easy to make) for dinner and it hit, it then took me 2 hours to prepare that meal between my brain shitting down, my body not moving off the ground and the fact that when I moved it was autopilot. I was alone at my place that night and that exact feeling of no focus (not helped at all by ADHD) and my brain shutting down continued for at least a month.

My psychologist thought that the grief I was feeling might be lessened by going to Jade’s funeral. As I have amazing adopted family willing come get me (as I was without vehicle at that time) I was able to say my final goodbye. This did not help at all, every other funeral I have been to is older people, people that have lived full lives. No other death has been this close to me and impacted me this much. It is now over 4 months since the world lost Jade and I am no where near over it but I am ready to go off anti depressants again. I have an appointment where this time I am telling my doctor I am going off medication, please know that even if you are depressed you don’t have to do what they tell you, it is your body. I will be off medication by next week and apart from a bad day (which we all have) I feel great about it!

To combat the mass amount of anxiety I have about how I might feel being off medication I am doing a photo challenge #beAphotographer by Adam Elmakias. To see my photos follow me on Insta @mac_kb_eth or search the hashtag #kbbeaphotographer

ROSS RIVER FEVER: In case you don’t know mosquitos spread Ross River Virus among others. This is how I got it, my parents thought (because I lived with them a year ago) this girl is lazy! I felt tired, sore and completely drained for weeks and weeks before we decided to check out whats wrong. We thought a possible iron deficiency as that has happened before. When the test results came back it was confirmed Ross River. The pain of RR is like having the flu, sore muscles, no energy, foggy brain, insanely tired but ALL THE TIME. Chronic fatigue can come with RR as that is basically how it feels. I tried non stop resting and that was good for a while but I wasn’t getting things done. I had to look after my house, do yard work and apply for jobs! How was I going to do that?

I decided to somewhat take the power back, tell my body what we were gunna do but I also had to listen to my body. I read up on articles from others who have RR and they all had different methods of living with it. I also went to MindBodySpirit festival and found out magnesium is good for RR. Now I have a method to live with it, being gentle. I listen to my body and I don’t do ridiculously strenuous work, I rest when I need to I also have vitamins, supplements I take as well as magnesium cream. I eat SO much better than I used to, I do cleaning and yard work when the energy strikes me, I rest when I need to and I even have a JOB INTERVIEW! Exercise helps on good days to build up stamina, help release my anger and to make sure I sleep well. The exercise I enjoy is box hit class at the gym with my neighbour, jumping on the trampoline and of course walking around catching Pokemon and hatching eggs on Pokemon GO.

The most helpful article I found on RR: https://www.truevitality.com.au/case-studies/ross-river-virus/