I’m on a conference call in five minutes, so this is the last piece of tape I’m going to give you. The last one.

No, you can’t go to [the babysitter’s house] just because you have a fever and can’t go to school and she lets you watch videos on utube. You’re just stuck staying home with me.

Trillion is a word, remarkably. Ask any government official.

You still need to make a get-well card for your great grandmother, despite the fact that “you’re sick too.” You have a 99 degree temperature, and she’s in the hospital with a broken hip. It’s not the same.

Bees. That’s it. Those are the only guys that make honey. Why is that so difficult for you?

Yes, you do have sags under your eyes

Earthworms are also not amphibians even though they wallow around in mud after it rains. Still not the same. But great question; I can see the confusion.

You’d rather have chicken-and-stars soup out of a can than this [homemade pasta with fresh spinach and feta cheese and basil pesto]? So that’s a yes, I take it. Super.

No. I will not save that leftover two tablespoons of broth for you in the refrigerator for later. When exactly will you eat that?

I just love this necklace of yellow pom-poms and random beads you found in your dresser. I’ll treasure it forever.

Why did you leave me a “very special love note” that reads “glow in the dark?” Oh, you just copied it from that puzzle box over there? That’s cool. It works.

Did I say it wrong? The book clearly says “Repunzel.” Oh, my bad. “Barbie as Repunzel.” That’s different.

I’m sorry your head feels like a thousand knives are shredding it into pieces. That really must hurt.

Right back at ya (in response to her double-hand squeeze plus two taps at the grocery store, which is our special way of saying I love you to each other in public so that it’s not cheesy and embarrassing).