Category: Self care

This time next month I will, hopefully, be in recovery after having had the organs that have repeatedly try to kill me since I turned 15 removed.

Unfortunately, they won’t let me watch them burn. This saddens me.

Ah well. Que sera sera.

I’m optimistic about the prognosis. Don’t mistake me, I’m under no illusions that it’s a miracle cure, but it will get rid of a lot of my pain, the root cause of said pain, and eliminate any chance of:

Ovarian cancer

Cervical cancer (which I am apparently at risk for)

Endometrial cancer (also at risk for)

Which are all big ticks in the plus column.

It will also (obviously) remove even the slightest chance of another pregnancy, which though I am a little sad about, at least in the abstract, as I am stupidly high risk for ectopic it would be nuts to even think about that again.

Not to mention the hospital bills – which I am currently endeavouring not to think about, since my colposcopy alone was circa $450

Also my own mommy is coming to look after me 💗 and by the time she gets here I won’t have seen her in over six months so that’s wonderful.

Today we had our initial booking assessment for counselling for #1 Son.

It’s to assist with his IEP – the psychologist referred us and I would be stupid to refuse the help. In my view anything that helps him handle the world and his place in it is a bonus.

Information will be shared between the counsellor, the school and his Primary Care Physician. Again, this just seems smart and sensible – it limits the risks of triangulation and keeps everyone on the same page.

The counsellor seems lovely, and I hope will be dubbed another Feelings Lady. We start fortnightly sessions on Tuesday from 02 January.

This is a very positive step.

Yesterday I had my nails done again

I’ve switched to a more local salon which is half the cost of the one based in Cambridge.

I’m learning the value of shopping around though, as the wonderful H (from downstairs) and her daughter were still shocked at the $30 price tag attached to these festive lovelies.

So, she has suggested that I go with her in the New Year and we get them done together. And I’m really happy to do that.

Last week I popped down with a pretty hamper of goodies to say thank you and merry Christmas, as I firmly believe in kind gestures (and we all know I really want to make friends here)!

She was shocked speechless but in a good way

Last night she came up with a beautiful plate of hand baked cookies on a “Giving Plate” which we are to in some way inscribe our names on and pass on.

I’ve already scoffed about half the cookies (yes I let the kids help), asked for the recipes and offered knitting lessons in return.

I’m so grateful for the offer of friendship. She seems so nice, we seem to get on well and heck she lives downstairs.

I got all excited yesterday thinking it had been half a year, but I just can’t count 😂🤣

Yesterday #1 Son earned this:

Which is the first one this month. I suspect it’s because yesterday he had an amazing day compared to three very hard ones.

I am certain that the bar is lower for him than some of his classmates and that’s okay I’m happy that the school are being so amazing for him. It’s giving him the boost he so desperately needs.

We walked home and it was blasted cold. TT refused to wear gloves so I tried this:

She continued taking them off. Repeatedly. Whilst screaming for a “duddle”. So I put them back on and we kept walking for about half a mile. It was biting. Several people told me that “she really should be wearing gloves”

Really? Should she? HAVE YOU EVER MET A TODDLER?! After a while she began screaming in earnest. And within the shouting I could make out “owwwwww” so I stopped, put my (warm, they had been on my hands) gloves over hers.

Got a “ta mommy”. I won’t say she’s learned, but she kept them on until we got home.

We had Snickerdoodle hot cocoa when we got home though.

Cheered everyone up, because I was not stopping for ice cream!!!!

Today was the Third Annual Christmas Concert.

Some readers may remember that at his previous school’s Nativity #1 Son was meant to be a wise man but refused to actually participate until the 11th hour.

He did the same with the concert.

Given that it is a school-wide performance they split it by alphabet A-L then M-Z which made the difference between 08:30 and 10:30 performances.

However yesterday I received an email from the Guidance Counsellor telling me that they felt that since he had been struggling so much, they would prefer if we could attend the earlier performance and he could then not undertake the later one.

We were happy to oblige (the hus-creature had his big office move today, so the earlier he could get into the office the better) so we went up early.

He performed and reasonably well (though not happily). There are no photos because other people’s children.

At the end, they brought him round the front of the stage slowly, and I deduced (correctly) that they wanted him to see me and know we had been there. So I made my way to the front, gave him a huge cuddle and told him how proud I was of him, and that he didn’t have to do it again.

I watched his whole body relax bless him.

Which made it even more amazing that when the lovely J brought him home that she had a message for me from his teacher that he had performed the second time.

I’ve had killer headaches off and on for over a month – a lot of that can most likely be attributed to my untreated hypertension (started my new medication yesterday – I am now on three pills a day 👍🏻😂)

But at 3am this morning I was dragged awake with a screaming head – to the extent I actually woke the poor hus-creature by sobbing.

And I remained awake for at least an hour.

This beautiful creature kept me company though:

I’ve often said we have a dog-cat 😂🤣

Sadly kitty-snuggles were not sufficient and at 4am I was calling God on the porcelain telephone.

Note: American toilets are not comfy for doing this if you are used to British plumbing.

Oddly I felt better enough to then snuggle down with my furry companion and my cuddly hot water bottle (that would be the hus-creature) and basically pass out until the alarms went off.

I’ve pretty much been a zombie for the rest of the day though. Just mainlining stodge, carbs, sugar and caffeine to get through.

No it’s not healthy but lord has it helped.

My head is still pounding, and #1 Son has a half day today, but he’s being lovely and TT is also being reasonable.

A little Christmas present from me to me arrived today:

Which has helped.

I am so tired of feeling sick and tired. Endometriosis is a bastard, and all the other conditions can get in the sea as well.

Whilst I am following the normal sickness bug protocols just in case, I am mostly putting it down to irritated gut from all the screaming.

She has not been happy with following the BRAT diet all day.

I also introduced her to Simon’s Cat in an attempt to save my sanity today.

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There has since been a constant litany of “more cat”, “more kitty” or “more bunny”.

It’s been a long day.

I also had an appointment with my primary care doctor at 11:15. Ostensibly for a medication review.

I’m not certain he has prescribed me anything for my professed (and finally admitted) anxiety but he has definitely given me a prescription for blood pressure medication.

Yes, I have hypertension.

Deep joy.

I have been suffering from blinding headaches off and on for over a month and finally I admitted that the hus-creature was correct to nag me about it as it could not just be put down to “late Zoladex jab”

My lovely doctor man concurred with this, and I need to return at 09:45 on Monday December 11th to see if it’s improving.

I was still waiting for over an hour to see him though….

This is not the shining example that is being touted across the pond…

I mean it’s good, at least if you have insurance, don’t get me wrong, but it’s flaws are incredibly similar to those I have experienced within the NHS.

Also, the pharmacy did not have the required medicaments. They offered to send it to another pharmacy, but I needed to get home so that the hus-creature could get into work for the afternoon. Also, it was sent as an electronic prescription so I’m not certain I trust it to be sent along, and I’m not entirely sure where any other pharmacies are locally.

As far as I can tell we give him money ($20) and he and his classmates toddle off to somewhere presumably in the school building I can’t imagine they let them out and spend the money on books. Apparently for every dollar spent some additional funds go somewhere that allow the school to purchase additional books for the school library. Which in my opinion is actually pretty epic. Kids don’t seem to enjoy reading quite so much as well I did when I was little but perhaps I am an anomaly.

What me? Odd? Never!!

In addition #1 Son’s kindergarten class have won a class reward which involves wearing their pyjamas to school tomorrow. I was a tad sceptical until I received an email from his class teacher confirming it. It is also apparently National American teddy bear day or some such fiddle-faddle so he can also take in a soft toy of some description for the day. He has chosen Happy.

Who is a plushie snowman gifted to him by my cousin Jenny just before our big trip.

He’s been pretty much inseparable from that snowman since we got on the plane. And he has been named Happy because apparently that “is how he made him feel”.

Nenny you rocked that!

I’m not crying you’re crying.

He also has a “bedtime stories and hot cocoa” evening on Thursday this week from 17:30-19:00 and pjs are the requirement then too so both kiddies will look insanely cute.

On the TT front, she has discovered the joys of the phrase “no, not yet <thing which I want her to do>”

This is me:

She did also spontaneously count from 1-5 tonight and jumped for joy after (I may have been making a huge fuss 🤣)

I’ve also gotten her to accept Moana (which is “BURD” because of that damn crazy chicken)

In addition she will now occasionally allow one of the Ice Age franchise.

Which is saving my sanity a bit.

As for me, I’m not in the best place mentally today. I’ve attacked my fingers and my scalp a bit. I don’t consciously do it, but it’s not a great stress reaction.

Thinking of going to the doctor after the holiday and seeing if anti-anxiety medication might help. Should probably track my blood pressure a bit first.

I did some knitting though so yay. Need to finish my non sock project.

I am loud. I am boisterous. I am chatty. I am loving. I am neurotic. I am obsessive. I am weird. I am strange. I am brave. I am not as tough as I would like to be. If I love you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I give people too much benefit of the doubt.

I am also too much for some people to handle.

In the nicest possible way I am being asked not to return to my Wednesday knitting group. No, honestly it was done very nicely. I have apparently been a bit too talkative and people want to just sit and knit and decompress.

They haven’t cashed my cheque from last week and have suggested I pay ad hoc for a few more sessions to see how it goes. They gave me suggestions on how I could fit in. I do believe that if I could manage them and be what they wanted that it could work.

But honestly? I won’t be able to change myself, I’ve tried before and it never sticks. Then I’ll either sit up there and not say anything but somehow make people uncomfortable with that, or I’ll forget and start chatting again and upset people.

So I have chatted to the hus-creature and my other bestest friend in the world and they have made me see that it’s not my fault, it’s just a bad fit.

So I’m going up tonight to finish the Magic Loop class I paid for (I do want to learn the technique) and then I think I shall collect my cheque, make noises about “holiday commitments” if asked and then not go back.

I am a square peg, and this class is a round hole. Its just not the correct place for me, and I should leave it to the round pegs who are settled and happy.

The hus-creature has already found a group called The Drunken Knitwits who meet in bars and knit and they meet on Monday’s. So I shall try that tomorrow (needs a Lyft) and report back.

I mean knitting and alcohol? What’s not to like?

I debated not writing this. I debated baring myself in this way. But nobody will be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay.

But, it’s Sunday evening. The migraine pixie has been attempting to visit (I am staving her off with sugar, salt and caffeine) and quite frankly I reached new heights (or is it depths?) of IDGAF-itude and so came up with this:

The little buggers angels have eaten some of everything.

Which means they have both eaten fruit and there is vegetable in the pasta.

I tell you, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

Particularly as I just know that if I do it again they won’t bloody touch it.