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Adult-film star Erik Rhodes passed away in his sleep early this morning, the victim of an apparent heart attack. He was 30.

Frontiers reports Rhodes was “in a very dark place, openly discussing steroid use.” On his Tumblr blog, subtitled “A Romance with Misery”, he wrote, “I’m waiting until i pop. Or my liver to fail… which every comes first.”

Discussing his career, Rhodes posted “I’m not sure how I ended up here, and I don’t know how i have survived this long. All I do know is that it can a very lonely place and sometimes i need a blog to get shit off my chest.”

Rhodes wrote openly about his nasty breakup with an ex-boyfriend, his ongoing problem with crystal meth, trips to Bellevue and his strained relationship with his twin brother. “I know he’s waiting, afraid to get the phone call that I’m dead. I know each time he get a call that I’m in the hospital, his heart sinks in his chests.”

Born in Long Island, Rhodes was snapped up as an exclusive performer by Falcon Studios at the tender age of 22. It’s estimated he filmed some 40 scenes for the studio (and Raging Stallion after it merged with Falcon). He also directed several titles for Mustang Studios.

Falcon Studios issued the following statement:

“It is with utmost sadness that we make the announcement of Erik Rhodes’ passing. We offer our condolences to Erik’s family, friends and loved ones. He was a genuine and caring man with extraordinary attractiveness and a massive muscled frame. Erik was an equally beautiful human being who lit up a room, and brought fun and joy to our studio and his fans that was unparalleled.

He was a giving person with a special wit, and he put his all into every performance. He wanted to give his fans the best he could every single time he stepped in front of the camera. Rest in peace, Erik and know that we are celebrating your life and your achievements, but we will miss you and all the special moments you have given us forever.”

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Damn Ann!!! As a moderator you certainly understand, about HIJACKING a thread. I am not quite sure why you chose to do do it in this thread. This was a thread, about a porn star, dead at 30, that died from crystal meth use, had psychological issues and abusing steroids.

I understand completely, that you miss Tim, many of miss him and will continue to miss him and think about him, I was reading some of his emails, and messages that he wrote to me just last week,... but why the heck did you feel compelled to mention Tim in this thread? It would have been more appropriate to have stated you comments in the memorial thread , or better yet, start another thread stating your feelings.

As far as only a couple of mentions of Tim's Anniversary, since his passing, who's Fault is that ? MINE ? Many of the new people site have no clue, who Tim was.

For myself, I don't have to post annually on the day someone died, to " remember " them. It's an ongoing event for me. We all celebrate, or remember a persons life as we see fit, or appropriate for us as surviving individuals. I take many days, throughout the year to remember those that have passed. I remember them and their families, during the holidays, AIDS DAY, AIDS WALK. I go to cemetery's. I take the time to go back and reread some of their posts, and remember them that way,... Just for some info here, I've lost 7 loved ones scattered throughout the month of June. Five of which died from Aids, as early as 1986, all in the month of June.

My "Deceased calendar" is full of names of those that died from AIDS throughout the years. I've got many months, with 15 to 20 names of those that have passed throughout the years.

I understand your compassionate about Tim, you feel the loss, and that you miss him, once again, we all do. I was thankful for the times I spoke with him, and for the advice that he gave me, about getting into the VA healthcare system, But to mention Tim's name in this thread was just wrong.

Didn't recognize his name, but have seen him in some films. It is sad and unfortunate, when anyone dies. There does seem to be a trend in porn to want bigger and more buff performers. I personally don't like the Hulk look. To each his own, though. I've heard many say it is very hard to achieve that look, without doing steroids.

I miss Tim almost every day. He promised me a hand made, personalized, leather Xmas stocking. I am still holding him to that.

I rather think Tim would have felt strongly for this guy. Guilty even, as his tendency was to consider people in despair to be a personal project. He'd offer assistance and help and support to people the rest of us (myself included) would slough off as parasitic and unreachable. In an odd way, he seemed to care MORE about the unreachable, unlikable folks. Like they were cryptic and intricate puzzles that simply needed his keen eye and generous heart to solve. I know for a fact that he took his failures in that regard personally.

The very best thing he ever said to me? When I was sick with PCP and bedridden? He told me that he didn't worry about me one bit. Because he knew, sure as he knew the sun would rise, that I would be ok. He told me I was too surrounded by love for the worst to ever happen. The worst, I am reminded, is never death by the way.

I think Tim would have spent some time over this poor guy. I think that he would have lost some sleep over it. We dismiss "porn stars" like they were subhuman. Granted, we tend to get to know them in highly charged, fifteen to thirty minute increments for the most part (taking into account finding and conditioning a fleshlight.)

But these are real people in a surreal world. A world that has zero tolerance for the first signs of aging, or physical imperfection. Want to spend a year or two fat, just to get out of the gym and live a life? It comes as a steep cost. The porn community (and by association, the A-List gay community) comes with a steep price for membership. One must always and without fail be beautiful. One must never age. And if one slips in wither of those two categories, one must be wealthy enough to compensate.

Having skirted the periphery of that world (I was once pretty cute. Shut up) I can tell you it's a scary place to hang your hat. The pressures are real. The rules of the rest of the world do not apply. It's not a matter of IF you are on meth, steroids, or anything else. It's a matter of how often you juice, how charismatic you are when you roll, and who you can get to sleep with you in order to add their name to your resume. It's relentless, it's ruthless, and when it's done with you, it sets you free in world that already considers you sub human.

Without the roids, or the contacts/money to get them, a person quickly devolves into their natural self. Without the firm, artificial muscle, skin sags. Without the tanning, and eyebrow threading, the tons of product, the hair dries and falls out. The body reverts to the very person every guy/girl with body dysmorphic disorder dreads the most. And people stop returning your calls. The party/art opening/function invitations disappear. And the same people you might have stepped over to get to the head of the line in the past are right there to step on you in return. Vengeance is patient.

This person burnt himself out for his moment of pure, paraffin quality light. He was a beeswax candle in a soot-filled world. It was artificial, and temporary, sure. But it was the only world he was able or willing to accept. There but for the grace of fickle fate go any one of us.

We, as consumers of porn, consumed him. And he consumed himself. Like many of us, he was trapped by making decisions at a young age that seemed almost too good to be true. And of course they were. Most of us wouldn't survive that level of deep disgrace, when we find out our worth is a flimsy and unstable construct.

He actually reminds me a little of that self-help guru who wrote the compelling book on aging gracefully as a gay man, yet who killed himself at the age of forty-something because he could not face that process. It's EASY to dismiss the porn slut who died at his own hands. It might even be easy to dismiss the self help guru who could not, ironically, help himself. It's whistling through a graveyard, inventing reasons why the boogeymen can't possibly come after us. We are, after all, more self aware and morally superior. Better man than those have come and gone, and we miss them more.

This might all be true.

Me, I would rather not whistle through those graveyards. I rather think the ghosts still have important things to teach me. I'd rather not drown them out. It would do a great injustice to my own dead heroes were I to start considering anyone beneath my ability to learn from.

Rest in peace, poor guy. Tim would want - no - insist - that I cry for you, that I learn what I can to be a better person and be a better friend and mentor. I don't miss you MORE than I miss Tim, or Dad, of Christine, or anyone else who visits me in my dreams. But those heroes who have passed before me insist that I never, ever take someone for granted, or assume someone's worth based on their occupation or the demons ensconced therein.

I'm not necessarily a good person. But I want to be. Empathy is a start.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

I think Tim would have spent some time over this poor guy. I think that he would have lost some sleep over it.

Thank you Jonathan, for putting this into a "Tim-centric" perspective for me. Lovely post.

Ray, ok, I apologise. When I came across this post, it was late-night for me and I was unable to sleep and the main reason I was unable to sleep is because I was missing Tim so very much. I was in pain, but I should not have taken it out on your thread.

Please remember that while I am a moderator here, I am also human and I'm not perfect. Sometimes things get overwhelming for me, just like for anyone else who is a member here. But yes, I'm sorry I snapped at you and I'm sorry I didn't value Mr Rhodes' life more. And thank you very much again, Jonathan, for putting it into perspective for me.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Lovely post jk. I know for a fact that Daddy Tim loved you very much, as he did Ann and Ray (and me). I miss him a LOT also. I tend to hold my grief inside a lot these days (Paxil does that to you - try crying on 60mg of Paxil a day).

I think of Lisa so much these days also. I miss her so very much; she was my 'special person' and we just clicked....I can still hear her voice in my head, especially her laugh.

Sending out my own brand of LOVE and HUGS to you all: JK, Ann, Ray & Joe

Alan

Logged

"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

I have a mutual friend of his on facebook and would sometimes run across group pictures he was in... social settings with his ex-BF. Looked happy...

It's getting attention because he's a porn star. I've known three people personally to commit suicide in the past 15 months. Pozzies wring their hands constantly about lipoatrophy and reyataz yellowing when actually they should be more worried statistically about depression and suicide. I've said this ever since I showed up on this message board, but frankly most people do everything possible to avoid sitting in a shrink's chair.

Following today’s NY Times piece on Erik Rhodes, which mentions his HIV status, there’s now a poll running on a fairly popular gay porn blog (at least among hardcore fans and people within the gay porn industry) that asks if gay porn stars’ HIV statuses should be “revealed.” First of all, given the fact that Rhodes is dead, the Times printing his HIV status has no effect on him or his career, and in the context of the article, it was a relevant piece of information. Second, the word “revealed” is, of course, a poor choice of words (the proper one is “disclosed”); as if someone’s private health information is some sort of contrived surprise. Anyway, back to this poll.

“Should the HIV status of a gay porn star be revealed?” they ask. You’re given two options in the poll: Yes or No. Technically, there are three options if you consider the two “Yes” options they provide as somehow different from one another (“Yes–only to other fellow porn stars and studios” and “Yes–everyone including the public”), but I don’t. Imagine if, for example, Erik Rhodes’ HIV status had been disclosed to one of his less than mentally stable scene partners from the past and how that might have played out, first on the set and then, undoubtedly, in some sort of public meltdown on Twitter. So, once one person finds out, everyone finds out. There are HIV-positive actors working steadily in gay porn without ever transmitting the virus to scene partners. Identifying them as positive and, what, segregating(?) them from performers who happen to be negative would easily lead to public outings and discrimination, and we’ve already seen how that plays out. Furthermore, if you think that this is an industry that is administratively or economically equipped to start self-segregating and/or sorting its performers into positives and negatives without violating HIPAA laws, you’re even more delusional than a blogger who thinks that “revealing” someone’s HIV status is something that should be voted on.

And with that said…

Should Anonymous Bloggers' HIV Statuses Be Revealed?

(click the link above to read the poll questions and view the results -- he's actually making fun of the poll on the rival blog which you can also find the link to... oh, and I'm sure the comments section will prove vile and nasty, naturally)

edit: oh actually he did NOT link to the original poll on the rival blog -- let me know if you locate it!

No, I saw it the other day and a blog somewhere -- can't remember where. You'll just have to trust me. Similar face, muscular but not overly roided out, and chest and sleeve tattoos. Very NYC/Long Island straight boy look.

Porn actors should tell their fellow actors in a scene, their HIV status, if they are having unsafe sex.Porn actors making a movie in a location with non-disclosure laws, should tell their fellow actors in a scene, their HIV status, whether the sex is protected, or not.

Other than that, it's nobody's business, unless the individual actor decides to talk about his/her own status to whomever he/she wishes.

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

I wonder if it's in bad taste to remark that the DVD "Wet Punk Faggot Fisting" (special "fully uncut and uncensored" version) with Mr. Rhodes on the cover became available for pre-order this week. Yep, won't provide the link but it's in the "Coming Soon" section on TLA's web site.

I wonder if it's in bad taste to remark that the DVD "Wet Punk Faggot Fisting" (special "fully uncut and uncensored" version) with Mr. Rhodes on the cover became available for pre-order this week. Yep, won't provide the link but it's in the "Coming Soon" section on TLA's web site.

According to Mr. Colt, Mr. Rhodes found this out when he went to shoot a scene for Randy Blue, a company that requires testing. “They said, ‘Your test results came back, and you’re H.I.V. positive,’ ” Mr. Colt said. Nevertheless, Randy Blue still managed to get Mr. Rhodes to film a solo scene that day, Mr. Colt said.

So rather than get him someone to talk to they had him shoot a scene that same day? How messed up is that!

I would think any hardcore NYC party girl that escorts, roids up and meths out regularly would be well prepared mentally for her HIV diagnosis. I, for one, went in the bathroom and cried for 10 minutes then went back to my office desk.

btw, how many of you knew much about this guy before this happened? If you've read any porn industry blogs over the years you must have seen copious reporting of Rhodes own personal blog (which I'm surprised is still up) that was high drama and the largest can of crazy ever seen on the planet. He should have been in twice weekly therapy for years instead of making porn and escorting. It's sad that family and friends would sit by through all of this, though I assume they tried to intervene. Or maybe they though it was an act. Like I said earlier I have a mutual friend once-removed on facebook, so even years ago I saw pictures of him with his long-term boyfriend. Lots of pictures of what seemed a socially active happy NYC gay man.

As for seeming happy on Facebook, I don't think that means to much. There was a piece in The Atlantic that talked about how Facebook almost forces people to constantly self-present, to make sure the world knows they're happy, whether or not it's true.

scuse my inexpert eye but the surviving twin looks equally steroid enhanced, and neither hotter nor less hot than the poor deceased. I guess they these muscle marys and in this care muscle metro, all look alike to me. esp when they are twins!!! well if this Erick Rhodes story has legs, Lifetime can hire the brother for the bio pic, after they've done with Lindsay Lohan... Or just keep her on, and call the movie Liz & Dick, II.

Logged

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

No, the deceased was much larger. Plus I think he was 6'3" so the twin would be as well. At that height even smaller increases in size involve large numbers of pounds, and we're going by one picture here of the straight tattoo'd twin with bad lighting. I'd say there's a 30-40 lb difference in their builds.

I wonder if it's in bad taste to remark that the DVD "Wet Punk Faggot Fisting" (special "fully uncut and uncensored" version) with Mr. Rhodes on the cover became available for pre-order this week. Yep, won't provide the link but it's in the "Coming Soon" section on TLA's web site.