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Motivation letter

Hello, I'm new in this forum and I would really appreciate any help with my motivation letter, I'm running out of time but I feel is not good enough yet, I'm happy to hear any comments and recommendations with the grammar and the redaction, thanks a lot

Dear madame,

First I would like to express my appreciation for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship. I hold a degree in Industrial Engineering from the University XXXX.

I am applying for this scholarship because the opportunity to pursue a master’s course in Switzerland represents the next important challenge in my life. The last two years have taught me that studying and living abroad can help not only broaden my horizons but accelerate my personal and academic growth as well. The main reasons for choosing The university of Bern were the high quality of education and the programme offered, the opportunity of meeting and associating with people from all over the world and to be immersed in a society with a global outlook and politically neutral understanding of life, a model to be followed in my opinion.

My objective is to pursue the Msc in Business Administration with emphasis in Marketing, plus living and integrating with multilingual people in order to develop a third language which is undoubtedly one of my reasons to study in a country as multicultural as Switzerland. I believe that my strong motivation to pursue an International carrier in the field of Business Administration and Marketing make me a strong candidate for your Master Program. I am looking forward to the opportunity to study at The University of Bern and immerse myself in my studies and the Swiss culture to increase my cultural awareness.

With my personal traits and an Engineering background, I strongly believe that I am well prepared for studies in business. After my work experience in production and quality systems I had an excellent pathway to business and I always enjoyed learning about as I found it fascinating. In addition to my professional experience, I have also had a chance to take part in social volunteer activities organized by the Mayor of my city for the benefit of children from low income families, which gave me experiences in working selflessly for others.

I come from Cúcuta, a small city located in Colombia on the borderline with Venezuela badly beaten by severs diplomatic ties between this countries. Nowadays, one of the strategies of The Colombian government is to declare my hometown as free port which will reactivate the commercial trade in this region deteriorated by the bad bilateral political and commercial affairs during the last 3 years.

One of my professional projects after completing the Master programme in Switzerland is to have a tool in administration and marketing, and certain level of knowledge in business management which will provide me the ability and confidence necessary to work and contribute with the develop of my region to build a culture of peace on the border commercially speaking.

I was admitted to the Msc in BA with emphasis in Marketing for the fall 2010 but unfortunately I was not able to start the programme because of financial matters. I am aware that I am applying for full financial support from the university to cover tuition and living expenses. Due to my financial situation, I am totally reliant on the generosity of the university to support my studies. I would like to ask you to consider me for any scholarships, (teaching assistantships, or research assistantships) or other awards for which I could be eligible.

Finally I am determined to make the most out of the scholarship benefits. I will optimize my stay at The University of Bern to gather a wealth of ideas that will apply when I return to my country and at the same time I will make part of all activities in which my participation can contribute with something useful for the University.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Re: Motivation letter

Originally Posted by martha'f

Hello, I'm new in this forum and I would really appreciate any help with my motivation letter, I'm running out of time but I feel is not good enough yet, I'm happy to hear any comments and recommendations with the grammar and the redaction, thanks a lot

Dear madame,

First I would like to express my appreciation for the opportunity to apply for this scholarship. I hold a degree in Industrial Engineering from the University XXXX.

I am applying for this scholarship because the opportunity to pursue a master’s course in Switzerland represents the next important challenge in my life. The last two years have taught me that studying and living abroad can help not only broaden my horizons but accelerate my personal and academic growth as well. The main reasons for choosing The University of Bern were the high quality of education and the programme offered, the opportunity of meeting and associating with people from all over the world and to be immersed in a society with a global outlook and politically neutral understanding of life, a model to be followed in my opinion.

My objective is to pursue the Msc in Business Administration with emphasis in Marketing, plus living and integrating with multilingual people in order to develop a third language which is undoubtedly one of my reasons to study in a country as multicultural as Switzerland. I believe that my strong motivation to pursue an International carrier in the field of Business Administration and Marketing make me a strong candidate for your Master Program. I am looking forward to the opportunity to study at The University of Bern and immerse myself in my studies and the Swiss culture to increase my cultural awareness.

With my personal traits and an Engineering background, I strongly believe that I am well prepared for studies in business. After my work experience in production and quality systems I had an excellent pathway to business, and I always enjoyed learning about as I found it fascinating. In addition to my professional experience, I have also had a chance to take part in social volunteer activities organized by the mayor of my city for the benefit of children from low income families, which gave me experiences in working selflessly for others.

I come from Cúcuta, a small city located in Colombia on the borderline with Venezuela. It has been badly beaten by severed diplomatic ties between these countries. Nowadays, one of the strategies of the Colombian government is to declare my hometown a free port which will reactivate the commercial trade in this region deteriorated by the bad bilateral political and commercial affairs during the last 3 years.

One of my professional projects after completing the Master programme in Switzerland is to have a tool in administration and marketing, and certain level of knowledge in business management which will provide me the ability and confidence necessary to work and contribute to the development of my region to build a culture of peace on the border, commercially speaking.

I was admitted to the Msc in BA with emphasis in Marketing for the fall 2010, but unfortunately I was not able to start the programme because of financial matters. I am aware that I am applying for full financial support from the university to cover tuition and living expenses. Due to my financial situation, I am totally reliant on the generosity of the university to support my studies. I would like to ask you to consider me for any scholarships, (teaching assistantships, or research assistantships) or other awards for which I could be eligible.

Finally, I am determined to make the most out of the scholarship benefits. I will optimize my stay at The University of Bern to gather a wealth of ideas that I will apply when I return to my country, and at the same time, I will make part oftake part in all activities in which my participation can contribute with something useful forto the University.

Thank you very much for considering my request. I look forward to your positive response.

Sincerely yours,

There are a couple places where you could change the passive verbs to stronger active verbs.
the opportunity of meeting and associating with people
the opportunity to meet and associate with people

I am looking forward to the opportunity to study at
I look forward to the opportunity to study at