How do people deal with FMIL and wedding planning?

I love my FMIL very much, we have our issues sometimes, but I know she means well. She is helping a little bit with the wedding. However since she offered to help she has been really overwhelming about all of these thing she wants to buy us and plans she is making, and I just feel like she isn’t listening when I explain how we want things and what we have planned.

I think we need to try to talk to her and explain we have plans for things and that if she wants to help she can help with the things we have planned, but if that doesn’t sound good to her then we understand. FI things it’s going to cause problems and we should just say no each time she suggests something. I explained her suggestions are overwhelming me (I saw her for like 2 hours yesterday and she made told me a bunch of things she IS going to buy for this and that for the wedding. She didn’t ASK if we wanted those things just told me she IS buying them. Then she made me feel shitty about my preferences in desserts because she wants to special order extravagant cakes we don’t want. This was the first time we’ve seen each other since FI and I got engaged, so I am confident it is only going to get worse.

Anybody else have to deal with this with a FMIL and wedding planning? How did you handle it?

MissPhish: If it is only the first time you’ve seen her since the engagement, perhaps she is just in a temporary overdrive from the excitement of it! But since you’re so early on, I think you and FI could talk, and let FMIL know that while you appreciate all her input, it would be much more helpful for her to be open to your preferences. When she suggest something “Thanks for looking into it, but FI and I would like to think about it/ but FI and i are doing X instead.” It doesn’t sound like she is paying for everything, so I’d say if she can’t hold off on doing that after your talk with her, I’d kindly say “thank you for your offer to help, but I think FI and I are going to take it from here. We’ll be sure to fill you in as our decisions are made!” and not accept $ from her ifit means she’ll take over. You can let the venue/coordinator/caterer, etc. know that FMIL is not to make decisions for you.

blushingbride2bee: Yeah I’m trying. I tried so hard to be nice about the tons of things she said she was GOING to do (didnt ask, but was just taking into her own hands) and everytime I tried to say we had that taken care of or we didn’t want a certain thing she’d either give me all the reasons we needed it her way or ignore me entirely. At least FGMIL called today (she witnessed all of this) and told FI that she was proud of me for standing up for waht we want. lol

MissPhish: I think by just reading your post that she is excited.. the first time seeing you since you got engaged she would have been thinking of many things and had a brainstorm/fart at you.. Ask her if you could go with her? “lets do it together” I think she is excited and you might need to show her on a ideas bord or something what your thinking of.. ideas can be different and you dont want to turn her positive attitude into a negative one.. Embrace it and maybe just try and make it work for you..

Mistress_K: Napkins and matchbooks with our names on them, as well as three different kinds of wine (we are only planning two) and that we need soda (which we decided to cut out) and an expensive cake from a bakery out of state shipped in. All unnecessary expenses when we are trying to be really frugal and responsible.

MissPhish: Hmm it sounds to me like a mixture of excitment and maybe a little pushiness.. my mums super excited about our wedding but she’s never tried to take over!

I think you and your FI just need to have a chat to her next time and say you really appreciate and love how excited she is, but you’ve discussed what your wishes are for your wedding day and this is what you’re going to do, and if she wants to help with that, that’s great!

Hopefully it is just coming from a loving place but at the same time you don’t want it becoming all about what she wants!

Is she Paying for these things she wishes to buy? and you are planning to pay for the wedding yourselves?

If yes then let her do it? So she wants to get napkins etc, just get them in the colours you want?, So she wants to buy extra wine? more the merryer.. Expensive cake from interstate? will she get the design you want?..

I am paying for my wedding by myself and im being frugal but for example my FMIL insists that she wants to pay for the catering and i say if she really wants to then let her? (she started saving since we got engaged and she decided she wanted to pay for something and contribute to her son’s wedding) We choose what we want tho.. My Mother hasnt even asked me about plans? let alone offered any assistance at all..

As long as she isnt ordering things for you to pay for then dont worry to much! Just make sure you like the things she gets (choose colour and design?)