My Dad

by Andrea
(Long Beach CA)

I lost my Dad a week ago. I had just woken up and my stepmom was going to do the laundry while my dad was siting on the couch, he started turning gray and sweating and speaking nonsense. He suffered a brain aneurism and was pronounced brain dead at the hospital. I just feel like there's this big empty hole inside of me. Like someone tore off my arm. My mother was mentally unstable so he basically raised me for twenty years. He was all I had. A part of me keeps thinking that he'll come back. I didn't even get to say goodbye to him. I've never seen my dad cry or go to the hospital not once in my life. My father was so strong and intelligent. He was going to get a Masters in Psychology. Sometimes I'd bug him while he was doing his homework and he'd try and explain what was going on but I brushed it off. He always joked that he wanted to be propped up in Macy's window with a Mickey Mouse tattoo on his forehead. I was always really shy as a kid and would hide behind his legs. I just feel so sad and empty. My father was such a good man and I miss him everyday.

Comments for My Dad

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my Dad one year ago. Your relationship with your father was very similar to mine. My Dad was my best friend and a great man. I wish I could tell you it gets better soon. For one year, I have been trying to get through the days like a normal person. Which has required living in a degree of denial. Now the "numb" is wearing off. I live close to you, in L.A. I wonder if there's a way we can get together? I am new to this blog. I know our Dad's would not want us to feel like this the rest of our lives.

Apr 23, 2014

My Dadby: Doreen UK

Andrea I am sorry for your loss of your Dad. You are in the worst place right now with RAW GRIEF. I remember how this feels like having lost my husband of 44yrs. 2yrs ago to cancer. I thought I would never recover from those first initial days. I was busy planning the funeral, and doing all the paperwork getting the death certificate and there was so much to do It was 3 weeks before I could start to grieve. It was so painful. I thought I would never recover. I could not move off the settee for 6 months whilst I let TV bathe my sorrows and heartache. I then started taking ONE DAY AT A TIME. I learned from others on this site and this helped.What a loss of a father who could have made a valuable contribution to life in his field of work and in your life. My husband was intelligent and clever at doing things and I feel it is such a loss to so many people who could have benefited from his skills.It will take a long time for us to Heal from such a loss. You may feel you will never recover. This is what it feels like. But as you take one day at a time and start nurturing yourself each day with special things you do for yourself your world will start to heal. You will get good days and bad days. But knowing that this won't last you will be able to get your life back in time. I wish better days ahead for you. don't give up. Life will get better in time.

Apr 23, 2014

sorryby: kerry

So sorry for your loss

Apr 23, 2014

Dear Andrea,by: Anonymous

I'm sorry to ready about your father. I lost my father suddenly also. He died a little over a year ago from sudden cardiac arrest. I never got to say goodbye, and although he was 81, he was strong, smart and healthy. I don't recall him ever being sick. I am a grown woman, but I am so lost without my Dad. I am trying to gain strength from all he taught me, but I know that I will never be the same person that I used to be. I will keep you in my thoughts. Wishing you peace and comfort in the days ahead, Barb