Last summer, while leading a training session for my Mastery Class community, I spent a few days going into great detail with them about red love versus blue love. Essentially, I was talking about loving from fear and attachment, which I call red love (and which is clearly the main form of love on this planet), versus loving from joybody or freedom, which I call blue love.

That community found inspiration in those chats and unanimously asked me to write a book about this. And so, in stolen moments here and there, I’m slowing penning a few chapters.

Here is part of what’s been rolling around in me lately. I’ve been thinking about a lovely term that some New Yorkers I recently met introduced to me: monogamish. It means, “primarily monogamous, but could be open given the right circumstance.”

I am not a person who is going to stand on principle when it comes to falling in love. Love wins in my book. I will, however, be very, very clear; I will move very slowly and be certain there will be no harm. Meaning I can’t sign off on non-consensual elements or persons, and I can’t move towards or away from love and sex because of elements of fear.

So, what is infidelity? What is monogamy? And why are they so deeply connected? Are they deeply connected?

I don’t really know if we can define infidelity by a single act of transgression. I mean, what defines a transgression? Looking at porn? Chat rooms? A happy ending at a massage? An emotional connection with sexual undertones at the office, or the coffee shop? A close friendship with an ex-lover? Re-engaging with an ex lover and creating a powerful emotional connection? Having a deep emotional connection with a hot friend that you can’t share with your primary partner? Hot sex with a secret someone your primary partner knows nothing about, but only in your head?Continue reading…

I spent some time recently with some very lovely, aware folks. These are friends that have a huge capacity for stillness. And we got into some really nice, deep topics of conversation.

One of the things we explored was the tendency in both teachers and students to “hold onto” stillness. Once somebody makes contact with our true reality, and the veils drop (so to speak), there is a phase of this behavior. It’s like there is still some separate ‘me’ that has to keep a hold on the insight gained, keeping one eye on it at all times.

Sometimes this looks like walking and talking very slowly, or keeping this soft semi-grin on one’s face and repressing any emotion that is not peaceful and easy. Sometimes it’s a will to change every reaction and response that shows up in the challenges of life—situations like late contractors, traffic jams, screaming kids—into a neutral event that one is slightly detached from. Sometimes this neutrality is wielded towards all things in life, like sex, orgasmic food experiences, an intense zumba class, etc. And sometimes it looks like a fear of making future plans, keeping schedules and commitments, or activity in general.Continue reading…

I don’t feel like doing anything anymore. I can’t find any motivation. I’m just going through the motions of my work, but I don’t have any real motivation for it. How do I find purpose?

This question often arises after a genuine connection with your original nature, because the separate “me” then starts to gets a bit weak, and things like “personal willpower” or “motivation” gets watered down some. And the more openings you have… well, that ‘little me’ starts to get weaker and weaker, and finally it gets so weak, it just doesn’t have much power at all, and it doesn’t operate the same way.

And that’s about the time it starts to feel like purpose and motivation just can’t be found. And that is a strange kind of empty feeling. It’s not like the openings that might have felt like bells and whistles or some very deep silence and peace. Instead, it feels alarmingly empty, devoid of something.

And the good news is, it’s because the ‘little me’, with it’s constant striving for value and worth, just doesn’t run you anymore. Stillness and peace are more animating forces. How nice is that!

Now, I want to point out that you will always have purpose. You can never be without it. But you’re transforming the source that it originates from, and that takes time. It takes the amount of time that it takes to wind down your personal willpower once you start saturating in original nature, plus a little extra time for pure emptiness to really integrate, before the new source of motivation/purpose can sprout.

In my private practice, I will often hear people referring to their painful patterns as trauma, or their trauma as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). But sometimes I can’t actually sense that specific signature in their system.

And sometimes, the reverse happens; someone will tell me about their “problem” as if it’s just a silly challenge they’re having a hard time navigating, but I can feel it is active trauma or even PTSD, something much more acute than what they are describing, or its something with a number of interwoven belief systems behind it, etc.

I’m a clairvoyant and I love listening to everyone’s unique body/mind; it’s so gorgeous to listen to how people are uniquely put together! And so I find myself sharing what I am sensing as true in regards to their description, because I think that it helps to have it spelled out very clearly. So here are some basics to consider.

First, dysfunction or painful patterns are not all trauma, and all trauma is not Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Dysfunction is a conditioning or toxic pattern. It is felt as a dark, painful pattern that triggers fear. Continue reading…

Last week, I had this “can we heal alone?” conversation no less than five times. Then this week, a healer and very dear friend of mine sent out a newsletter on the same topic! It clarified that I should just share what I keep talking about with you all when I talk about spiritual healing.

I think there are four things required to fully transform. And I mean transform anything. This “anything” could be a physical ailment, e.g., chronic fatigue or cancer. It could be an emotional block that keeps you in a painful place. It could also be a project, something you long to accomplish in order to heal something that is out of alignment, e.g., transition into a new job, purchase a home, a spiritual goal, total freedom… and so on.

One of my beloved students said this to me today. We are in the final weeks of the Delicious Body class, and it gets so real at this stage. Which is to say, it’s just so darn clear that so much of our lives are just big distortions of reality.

We all have so much pain on constant repeat. Thankfully, this class is a great tool for getting out of it. But, around week seven of the journey, it becomes wildly obvious just how much pain is driving our lives. For some, it’s not necessarily overwhelming pain 24/7, but perhaps a low-grade, looming idea of misery, grief, despair, or anxiety. And when we take a good look, we see this is not true about reality. Reality (or life) is not necessarily a place of suffering and pain, but it’s true about how pain-bodies eclipse our experience. It’s true about how we were raised, how we absorbed conditioning and we can even boil it down to a good case of guilt and shame running our lives. Everybody is working with some form of guilt or shame. In practice, if you aren’t excavating the deep shame and guilt—a sense of unworthiness—then you are not looking.Continue reading…

I had some friends over this past weekend, and eventually—as it always seems to happen—politics came into the conversation. And because it just goes around and around and around, driving everyone batty, I wanted to cut to the chase.

For me, the bottom line of it all is this: we, as a global community, need to be doing a much better job living with diversity.

As my friends and I were talking, I outlined what I saw as the steps for embracing diversity. And my friends were wonderful at contributing with probing questions, beautiful insights and all-around good cheer. So, here is what we, a diverse little crew hanging out on Friday night, put together:

Step One: Assume diversity.

We thought this should be a bumper sticker. It does feel like we humans tend to approach all situations with a default of assuming self-sameness. This is, at its heart, a little fear that subtly runs in the background looking for “sameness” in our interactions, in order to feel safe. But in reality, we are tremendously unique. We are beautiful balls of light and love and Oneness. We are One, which means we are all the same root, branching into bloom in entirely unique blossoms. That uniqueness is awesome.Continue reading…

Kiran is away traveling for the next couple of weeks, so let’s use this time to revisit some of her best posts from the past. This great essay was originally published in 2013.

Okay, fessing up here…

There is a really big “setup” happening, and it’s hard to talk about. It’s tricky territory.

“Emptiness is all there is!” or something like that. Does this sound familiar?

When I get comments and e-mails and they resonate with this, I break out into a rashy irritation.

Because, my friends… it’s a setup.

It is such a celebration to have a “realization”, as I call them. Genuinely amazing. And I am very aware of how final and compete a “realization” can feel. That deep insight of a realization is so delicious, and pure and wonderful—everything gets so clear, and perfect and aligned and peaceful. But then comes this habit to exclaim from the rooftops, and trump every conversation with your “realization”, which is the beginning of a rather horrible setup. It’s innocent, natural, and such an invisible trap.Continue reading…

This is an older post, but worth re-reading! You can find so many writings posted over the last four years over on the sidebar under “Complete Blog Index.”

Enjoy,
XK

It was a quiet weekend for this avid indoors gal. I call it “spelunking time.”

Those of you who know that term—sometimes called “caving”—know it’s an outdoors term used when you go explore deep underground caves. For the indoors, it’s deep exportation of old emotional and psychic patterns. Old bits that, if left unattended, can wreck havoc to the system. But it’s winter; the cold air has come, it’s storm season, and it’s a great time to go inside to do some indoor spelunking.

Repressed emotions do not go away. They do not disappear with time. Instead, they get buried and then reactivate at the next great obstacle. (“My partner and I broke up and suddenly I feel like I am five again when my father walked out.”)Continue reading…