Tuesday, March 24, 2009

My super down-to-earth, math fiend of a friend up and surprised me at school today with a love letter she'd written to her senior crush. She wanted me to tell her what I thought.

I read it. It is...omg.

It is sappy. It is not gonna work. Guys, the words "I can't stop you from getting hurt, but I can be your shoulder to cry on" are on there. It's a nice sentiment and I can see where one would think it's romantic, but they've known each other for all of a month. She'll ruin any chance she has with him.

Seriously, guys HATE it when you hand it to them on a silver platter. Where's the wonder? Where's the mystique?

This is shit. I feel horrible posting about it online but I need help being gentle in letting her know I think it'll suck majorly for her. Anyone wanna 'help a sista out' or whatever?

Please get online, as we have things to discuss. But yeah, that's not going to work. At all. Poor girl. I did stuff like that when I was younger and now that years have passed I realize how ridiculous it made me look -like a stalker in a Lifetime movie.

Tell her that writing it in a note is never the thing to do. If she wants him to know she likes him she needs to act on it subtley -verbally and by her actions. If he likes her he'll respond. Guys aren't that difficult. They don't play the mind games most girls do. If he doesn't act interested, chances are he isn't. Not to stereotype, but senior boys(most boys really) will never be as dramatic as girls, so offering to be his shoulder to cry on is probably just going to make him laugh, as he probably does not (nor will he ever) need a shoulder to cry on.

Real friends tell friends when they're about to make an ass of themselves. Just tell her. Say something like, "It's a really nice letter but it's too soon and you're going to scare him off. There are better ways to let him know you like him." Or something. Compliment the letter, whether you like it or not, but it's your duty, as a friend, to prevent her from making an ass of herself if you're in the know.

eek, whatever you do, don't send a love letter! Guys like independent girls, and while love letters may work occasionally, usually they just end up in mortification. Not that i know from personal experience ;) lol-amy

First of all, writing a letter is wrong on so many levels, so I won't even get started on that.

Now as for the content, I agree with everyone, it's only going to scare him away. If she really likes this guy, she's going to have to use a more natural approach--in other words, she just needs to be herself and not try to impress him.

And Steph, you've gotta save her the embarrassment. Her feelings may be hurt, but she'll thank you later.

Play her the Snow Patrol song ('I broke into your house last night...' - the name escapes me). Play her the Plain White Ts song (Hey There Delilah). Ask her why her letter will work when real life famous people can't get girls by writing them songs that sell really, really well.

No seriously love letters are perfect when you're in a relationship, or when you're trying to get back into a relationship or when you're absolutely sure the person feels the same way. You just need to find a sensitive way to explain that life is not a movie and in real life a relationship can not be pushed forward through big romantic gestures. Big gestures (and I'd say the love letter is possibly one of the biggest in terms of expressing your emotional openness/ vulnerability) are the way to explain to someone how just much you love them, when they already know that you love them. Otherwise they're just a scary shock.

Good luck telling her and if you work out a sensitive way to do so perhaps you can help me explain some things to a few friends of mine...

Aw, poor girl. I've never written a love letter, thank goodness! I've done some pretty stupid things though. I doubt I'd have listened to anyone who told me to stop so I'd say let her make the mistake. Hopefully it shows her what not to do and she can do better with her next crush.

Love letters ... either are wonderful and perfect (if the person secretly likes you back) or makes you look like a stalking psycho (if they don't like you back) ... and most of the time you can bet on being viewed as a stalking psycho. :( Which is sad considering how many great love stories out there involved a love letter/poem of some kind that just makes my heart melt! But that's probably why this girl thinks it's a good idea to do.

I agree with Taren--it would be best to convince your friend that actually talking to the guy is better than writing a note. And Eli's advice about "it might be a little much" is good, too. I don't think that's hurtful and it lets her know that she needs to be careful how she approaches this. While a girl might appreciate a note like that, there's no guarantee a guy would, and it might scare him off. I think you could suggest that, as well, without hurting her feelings.

Aww poor you, stuck in such a position. It's horrible knowing that you have to upset someone or else let them go ahead and do something stupid. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Maybe you should just tell her that you know people (us) who strongly advise against love letters from previous experiences.

I knew a couple of girls in college who tried doing this--not exactly love notes, more like like notes, but I don't think they worked out so well. I think everyone else (and you) are right about your position re: love notes. It's fun to read them in books and so on but real life isn't books (sadly!).

I think you should tell your friend to confess in person because it's the best way to see how he really feels about her/her feelings. It'd be really bad if the guy think it's something crazy and passes it among his friends as some kind of joke. And love letters don't usually work in my opinion. My friend wrote this one guy a love letter which is really unique but so far what she's got is a "Woah, your letter is really fun to read." =.=

no love letters until you are are well into the relationship, at least 1 year in.

You could just praise her letter and tell her to hold on for some time, ask her to send it after a while. Most probably, if she reads the letter in a couple of months, she'll realize how it would not have worked.

Abort the letter! Abort the letter! You owe it to her as a friend to rip that damn thing to shreds.

Oy. If she wants to talk to the guy why not just suggest she ask him to go to a movie or something. They don't have to "talk" during the movie, so it won't be that uncomfortable, and maybe it'll lead somewhere.

Here's the thing though -- if a guy has the hots for you, whe won't need to be "convinced" to talk to you. He'll find a way. She can start the ball rolling, sure, but a letter isn't the way to do it. AT ALL. I cannot stress this enough. You can't risk what you can't afford to lose -- if she's gonna cry if you say, "It's a little much..." (per earlier comment) then think how she'll feel when his buddies steal it from his locker and start quoting it around school. Burn the sucker before it's too late!

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Hey! For some reason, this embedded comment form makes most people click twice before the comment is processed and published. It's not you - it's just that it's a new Blogger feature with kinks and all that. (But I adore it and don't wanna get rid of it!) I removed Captcha to make the process easier. You don't have to rewrite the comments twice; just click on SUBMIT twice and it should work. If not, email me. Thanks! -Steph