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Editors

BUSH/BLAIR SEX TAPE TO BE LEAKED

An agreement has been made between a Government inquiry, Cabinet Secretary Sir Jeremy Heywood and Electric Blue (the soft core porn show), to release the infamous footage of the British electorate ‘getting shafted’. While elements of the transcript will be withheld, the ‘chilling’ Chilcot Tape contains graphic footage of democratic accountability ‘taking it every which they can’ by George ‘You know what the W stands for’ Bush, Tony ‘Lovelace’ Blair and a soiled copy of the US constitution.

There has been some speculation that continued lapses of memory demonstrated by both men are evidence that rohypnol may have been involved. Certainly neither can recall the couple doing it ‘doggy style’, with Blair adopting a coquettish yet supplicant poodle pose. Although, George Bush is alleged to have only turned to the UK to assist in his military action after being rebuffed by Kim Kardashian.

Reminiscent of Paris Hilton’s sex tape, there is also grainy ‘night vision’ footage of soldiers blundering around in the Middle East dressed in fetish combat gear. The inquiry has been given ‘full access’ to the ‘steamy session’ between the two leaders, with chairman Sir John Chilcot forced to ask for regular breaks ‘with an aging gym sock’. Mr Blair, who appeared in a basque and suspenders before the inquiry to justify his decision to take the UK to war against Saddam Hussein, admitted he hoped the leak would boost his flagging career ‘like Abi Titmuss’.

Mr. Blair expects to launch a book deal, reality TV show and Middle Eastern peace process on the back of the media frenzy surrounding his ‘bare-faced cheek’ and ‘cheeky bare-arsed peek’. Both Bush and Blair have conceded that they ‘may have’ mislead the UN, caused thousands of needless deaths but both drew the line at appearing in a future sex tape with Katie Price.