I've been having sleepless nights. Nights are the worst for me. My mind races and goes through every worse case scenario. I hate when it starts to get dark now. It used to be quite the opposite. I used to wait for the night to come. I used to get a lot of things done. I also used to wait for...

I am an overestimator of people. Time and time again I give them far too much credit and place way too much confidence in their integrity, honesty, intelligence and talent. I suppose because I see the glass half-full that I am susceptible to this chronic overestimation. Not only do I give people...

I've been like this for years now. Ill that is. When I was first treated for mental illness I was treated for depression and anxiety. Now my diagnosis is bipolar 2 with panic disorder. I feel my depression more than hypomania. I've read a lot of people with bipolar 2 are also that way. I've...

Nan, I was told, had stood on a chair in the kitchen, to change a light bulb, and the chair collapsed underneath her, resulting in a broken hip, which led to her death. I wonder, if Deb set that 'accident' up. The timing of it was shortly after Nan had begun to pay me some positive attention....

Another time I believe Deb, my adoptive sister, tried to off me, I remember I was descending the stairs to the basement, and I saw down below, Deb's bare beautifully tanned right shoulder, and her long luscious brown hair. She had her back to me and was standing in the doorway to where dad's...

I don`t remember the exact time I discovered this thing. This thing that made me feel better. This thing that brought me this strange form of relief. Even I know it`s a strange thing to do to yourself. It`s also weird that doing that to yourself takes you (temporarily) away from what`s going on...

I spent a lot of time in the basement watching television in my first 8 years. The Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family, Tarzan, cartoons, and old fashioned wrestling were mostly what I watched. I wanted to follow my older sister Deb around, but she wasn't having it. She hated me, I now realize....

I 've had trouble sleeping for a long time now. I have probably written before that I can`t sleep without the help of meds. I have racing thoughts and they seem to get worse at night. During the day there are distractions. Like errands I have to run and household things that need to get done....

I've been pondering writing about my life. I guess I would start at birth. I was adopted at 2 weeks old supposedly, in Montreal. I was told that the maternity ward that birthed me burned down along with all records.
The people who adopted me weren't emotionally savvy. Under their naive noses...

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"Life itself is only a vision, a dream."
"Nothing exists save empty space and you"
~Mark Twain, The Mysterious Stranger, Chapter IX~
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"...In antiphonal azure swing, souls drone their unfinished melody...when did we live and when did we not?"
~James Dean in a letter to Barbara...

I've been roofied. So I guess that's why I have such strong feelings about Cosby. It happened to me twice. I'm glad he's in jail now.
His spokesman is trying to turn it into a race war.
https://dailym.ai/2OO95tV

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"Jimmy could turn people off, and those who weren't his friends had little time and effort to spend dealing with it. "Of course Jimmy had his reasons for what he did."
"Jimmy wasn't a very social human being, or a nice person to a lot of people, and some people approached him with a...

It`s been a few years now since I last self injured. I still wear the marks it left. The scars are still there reminding me of what I did to myself. All the time I dragged the razor or scissors or a jagged piece of broken glass across my arm or the times I used cigarette lighters to burn myself....