A blog about a not so perfect me. My love and walk with God, prayer, food, nutrition, being bi-polar and day to day life is what you will find here.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Do I really trust God...really really?

Each Monday I have been fasting for my business and those in our small ladies group. Almost all of us own our businesses and in these economic times, its more important than ever to be praying over your work.

Fasting has been part of my life now for just over two months. Some mornings I sit and wonder exactly how I am going to pray and how to start the day properly focusing on God as this still doesnt come easy for me.

Fasting must center on God. It should draw us closer to God, where we will experience a deeper relationship

with Him. Like Anna, in Luke 2:37, we should be “worshiped night and day, fasting and praying.” This continual part is what I struggle with as I am a really busy mom, and to be very honest, sometimes I only have a time for God.

But this is what is required if we are to properly fast. Our eyes must be lifted from our circumstances and our prayers must be God centered before we focus on the reason for fasting. It is then that the Holy Spirit starts to move and work in our life.

Fasting reveals the things that control us. I find this very interesting how as we start focusing on God, he starts to focus on us. You see, we tend to cover up what is inside us with food and other good things, but in fasting these things surface. If pride controls us, it will be revealed almost immediately. David said,

they are within us, they will surface during fasting. At first we will rationalize that our anger, for example, is due to our hunger. We will then discover that we are angry not because of hunger, but because the spirit of anger is within us.

Over the weeks two major things have surfaced. Bitterness and fear. Its the fear that is the reason for this blog. I have become fear based and not faith based. I am filled with worry, anxiety and stress over work and over what I cannot control. What God is showing me is that I do not really trust him in this area. This revelation is one of the most important things I have ever been shown and I am sometimes a bit overwhelmed by the realization of how true it is. I need to express what I am feeling and putting it in writing, I feel is the best way to do this.

Last night I asked myself, do I really trust God with my future? If I look at the above, again the answer is no, as these are all linked. It goes hand in hand. Living in South Africa I am uncertain about my future. Everyday I hear what the government is doing, the policies its changing and introducing and how this is going to affect me. This uncertainty scares me. I cannot properly voice it as well for fear of this being used against my business as we rely on a government permit to operate.This is just one fear, but like a can of fishing earth worms, touch them and they all start wriggling.

And so, this revelation touches the very core of my being and so I ask myself how do I do it. How do I really trust God. I mean really really?

1 Peter 5:7Let Him have all your worries and cares, for He is always thinking about you and watching everything that concerns you.John 14:27I am leaving you with a gift - peace of mind and heart! And the peace I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid.Philippians 4:6-7Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything; tell God your needs, and don't forget to thank Him for His answers. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ.Psalms 34:17-19Yes, the Lord hears the good man when he calls to Him for help, and saves him out of all his troubles. The Lord is close to those whose heart is breaking; He rescues those who are humbly sorry for their sins. The good man does not escape all troubles - he has them, too. But the Lord helps him in each and every one.Isaiah 40:31Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.John 14:1-3Let not your heart be troubled. You are trusting God, now trust in Me. Deuteronomy 31:6Be strong! Be courageous! Do not be afraid of them! For the Lord your God will be with you. He will neither fail you nor forsake you.Isaiah 41:10Fear not, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed. I am your God. I will strengthen you; I will help you; I will uphold you with My victorious right hand.Psalms 112:6-8Such a man will not be overthrown by evil circumstances. God's constant care of him will make a deep impression on all who see it. He does not fear bad news, nor live in dread of what may happen. For he is settled in his mind that Jehovah will take care of him. That is why he is not afraid, but can calmly face his foes.