Sunday, May 11, 2014

Picture of Home

If there is any other occasion besides Christmas that can fill one's heart with "divine homesickness," I'm guessing that it's Mother's Day. In the following short story, my friend Jan has captured the sensation so well that it brings the tears to my eyes:

You are eight years old and already lonely. You measure your walk home from school by sidewalk squares. Your feet have memorized the path. You are walking to the house on Washington Street where the steps to the porch are steep. Your mother greets you at the door, her face as familiar as wind.

Now, years later, you look at a photograph of her from that time; her brown eyes smile, her dark hair pulled back from her luminous face. You marvel at her beauty, showing the photograph to friends—anyone who will look: “See. See my mother. This is what she looked like then” — as if she is someone different, someone you don’t remember, someone you never saw before.

In the house on Washington Street, that same mother — the one in the photograph — does the dishes by hand. It is 1964. She gives you a towel. “Here. You dry.”

In her 80’s now, her hair gone gray, her shoulders stooped, her loneliness beats in rhythm with your own. You hear her voice over the miles, and you listen to her stories — endless stories of what ifs. You ask, “Do you remember the house on Washington Street?” And she answers, “Of course I do.”

If you go looking, you will find sidewalk squares to measure. You will find steep concrete steps leading to stoops and into houses. They are everywhere. But something about that house on Washington Street calls you, reminds you of something you just cannot name. You see it in her eyes when you look at the photo. You want someone to tell you the story of that house and her in it. You were there, yet you need someone to tell the story.

About Me

Married to Gerry McCartney, Two Sons, Two Cats, Ph.D. in English
(Modern British Fiction; Univ. of Notre Dame), author of Created In Our Image: The Miniature Body of the Doll; one of six sibs, including a twin
brother.

HOLIDAY FASHION TIP

"The only way to atone for being occasionally a little overdressed is by being always absolutely over-educated." --Oscar Wilde

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Cautionary Watchwords from Virginia Woolf

from To The Lighthouse

"There was no treachery too basefor the world to commit;she knew that."

--Mrs. Ramsay, 98

from Mrs. Dalloway

"She always had the feelingthat it was very, very dangerousto live even one day."

--Mrs. Dalloway, 11

A Course in Miracles

Can't say that I'm entirely sure what all of these mean, but since this title -- A Course in Miracles -- has appeared several times in my recent reading, I decided to take a look. Here are a few thoughts gleaned from the Preface and Chapter 1.

"The body appears to be largely
self-motivated and independent,
yet it actually responds only
to the intentions of the mind."

"Forgiveness . . . reflects the
law of Heaven that giving and
receiving are the same."

"Forgiveness is the means by
which we will remember" [our
forgotten reality of oneness
with Heaven].

"Miracles are natural.
When they do not occur
something has gone wrong."

"Miracles . . . supply a lack;
they are performed by those who
temporarily have more for those
who temporarily have less."

"Each day should be devoted to
miracles. The purpose of time
is to enable you to learn how
to use time constructively.
It is thus a teaching device
and a means to an end. Time
will cease when it is no longer
useful in facilitating learning."

"Miracles . . . reflect the laws
of eternity, not of time."

"The miracle is the only device
at your immediate disposal
for controlling time."

Little Book of Forgiveness

When you are trying to decide whether someone deserves your forgiveness, you are asking the wrong question. Ask instead whether you deserve to be someone who consistently forgives. (17)

The most efficient forgiveness answers attack just as it happens, neither by condoning nor opposing it, but by staunchly offering correction of its senselessness. (26)

When did you decide that you had the power to ruin your whole life? How do you know how much healing is possible? Are you in charge of all creation? Are you calling all the shots? (40)

Never forget that to forgive yourself is to release trapped energy that could be doing good work in the world. Thus, to judge and condemn yourself is a form of selfishness. Self - prosecution is never noble; it does no one a service. (41)

If your first attempts at self - forgiveness seem to change nothing in the way you feel, you are impatient for magic. Like an incantation, the steps of forgiving yourself may need many solemn repetitions before a door in your mind opens to real change. The change happens within you but comes from beyond you; you are only the Magician's helper. (44)

Don't be fooled by the subtlety of some self - punishments, and do not mistake what is habitual for what is natural. Brooding, resenting, feeling bored, and frequently reviewing your laundry list of grumbles may seem like innocent reactions to a cruel world. In fact these are all ways in which your attention wanders from the purpose of healing, the only worthwhile work in the world. (45)

Ultimately, forgiveness means letting go of this world, a darkened, fractured glass through which we see love only dimly. As our frightened grip on all that is temporary relaxes, we will increasingly find our authentic strength in that which is timeless, boundless, inexhaustible, and omnipresent. (76)

from D. Patrick Miller's A Little Book of Forgiveness:Challenges and Meditations forAnyone with Something to Forgive (1994)

Forgiveness

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. ~ Gandhi

"Then I realized something: That last thought had brought no sting with it. Closing Sohrab's door, I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night" (359).~ Khaled Hosseini

“In fact, not forgiving is like drinking rat poison and waiting for the rat to die”~ Anne Lamott

"Forgiveness means giving up all hope of having had a better past."~ Anne Lamott

And similarly: "Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past."~ Lily Tomlin

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat."~ William P. Young

Forgive & Forget?

"He kisses my fingers; he thinks we have all been cured. He believes in amnesia, he will never mention it again. It should hurt less each time."

Margaret Atwoodfrom the story "Under Glass

"Was this easy?May this be washed in Lethe, and forgotten?"

William Shakespearefrom Henry IV, Part 2

Juice Box Tips For the Perfectly Good Mother

Parenting is not a contest.

There are no perfect mothers.

Taking care of me means
more to give my kids.

I can live with this.

So what?

Many factors affect my child--
I don't have to blame myself.

My day is not ruined . . .

Children are resilient . . .

Children are capable . . . .

Children are adaptable . . .

What are the odds?

Control what you can;
let go of the rest.

Less is more.

Enough for now.

I need no approval but my own.
I know what is best for me
and my family.

Love the kid . . .

Being myself is perfectly good.

I can think for myself.

No more illogical thinking
about parenting.

It's okay to be honest
about who I am.

Even perfectly good moms
need help sometimes.

I deserve to spend time
with women who respect
and support me.

There is nothing the matter
with me.

from Even June Cleaver Would Forget the Juice Boxby Ann Dunnewold, Ph. D.
(p 280)

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QUOTIDIAN

Photo by Dagmar Murray Chicago February 2009 [Click Photo for Info]

"It is out of the dailiness of life that one is driven into the deepest recesses of the self."

~ Stanley Kunitz

Elizabeth Bishop was "aware of the small-

ness and dignity of human observation."

~David Kalstone

"Why shouldn't we, so generally addicted to the gigantic, at last have some small works of art, some short poems, short pieces of music [. . .] some intimate, low-voiced, and delicate things in our mostly huge and roaring, glaring world?~Elizabeth Bishop

"Ordinary Things: It's hardest to love the ordinary things, she said, but you get lots of opportunities to practice."

"Let us not take it for granted that life exists more fully in what is commonly thought big than in what is commonly thought small."

and

"Down, down into the midst of ordinary things."~Virginia Woolf, British novelist(1882 - 1941)

" . . . the skills of the ordinary, dutiful choring that made up most of every life, and was so much the worth and the pride of that life, by local reckoning."~Marilynne Robinson,

American novelist(b. 1943)from her novel Home, 61

"The big ideas huddlein the jar together.You spread them overthe black bread of day after dayand swallow them."~Quinton Duval, American Poet(1948 - 2010)

"I made a list of things I haveto remember and a listof things I want to forget,but I see they are the same list."~Linda Pastan, American Poet(b 1932)

"Don't sweat the small stuff, and its all small stuff. That's absurd. Lots of small stuff is really big. . . . The essence of the season lies in figuring out what small stuff is passing minutiae and what is enduring memory. Come to think of it, that may well be the essence of everything."~Anna Quindlen, American writer(b 1953)

Simple Words At Parting

but worlds are madeof hello and goodbye:glad sorry or both(big little and all)

from 73 POEMSby e.e. cummings

The few simple wordsat parting, that meanso much to him whostays, to him who goes

from the novel Wattby Samuel Beckett

in this beautythe car stops . . .and one of you looks back . . .you may touch one another's lips,or notit hardly makes any difference,so beautiful is desire

from the poem "Desire"by Lee Perron

Mary sighed, for the feeling again came over her that it was very flat to be left alone.

Mournful is't to say farewell,though for few brief hours we part; in that absence who can tell what may come to wring the heart.~Anon. quoted in Mary Barton, chap 17

from the novel Mary Bartonby Elizabeth Gaskell

. . . so much depends,she thought, upon distance:whether people are near usor far from us.

from To the Lighthouseby Virginia Woolf

Why Write?

“We write to taste lifetwice, in the momentand in retrospection.”~ Anais Nin

"In fact, I didn't expect thatanybody would be interestedin my kind of writing.I was interested, andthis was for me enough.~I. B. Singer

"Possibly the book may not sell,but that is nothing --it was written for love."~Mark Twain

"I am just going to writebecause I cannot help it."~Charlotte Bronte

"It is not often thatsomeone comes alongwho is a true friendand a good writer.Charlotte was both."

from Charlotte's Web~ E. B. White"A writer -- and, I believe, generally all persons --must think that whatever happens to him or her is a resource. All things have been given to us for a purpose, and an artist must feel this more intensely. All that happens to us, including our humiliations, our misfortunes, our embarrassments, all is given to us as raw material, as clay, so that we may shape our art."~Jorge Luis BorgesArgentine writer (1899-1986)

"When you are very honest with yourself, and brave enough, you can express yourself fully. Whatever people may think,it is all right. Just be yourself. That is actual practice, your actual life." ~Suzuki Roshi

"How do I know what I thinktill I see what I say."~E. M. Forster

"If you have a story that seems worth telling, and you think you can tell it worthily, then the thing for you to do is tell it, regardless of whether it has to do with sex, sailors, or mounted policemen."~Dashiell Hammett

THE PRICE OF EXPERIENCE

You have learned something.That always feels at firstas if you have lost something."

by George Bernard Shaw

In much wisdom is much grief:and those who increase knowledgeincrease sorrow.

from Ecclesiastes 1: 18

What is the price of experience?Do you buy if for a song --Or wisdom for a dancein the street?No. It is bought with the priceof all that you have:your heart,your home,your children.

by William Blake

The naive ecstasies of her girlhood had longsince departed -- the price paid for experienceand self-possession and a true vision of things.

by Arnold Bennettfrom The Old Wives' Tale

I want them to know that I cannot ever feelabout the world the way I might have felthad they never come near me.

by Mary Gordonfrom the story "Violation"in Temporary Shelter

Really wanting to work up to 3 dimensions, but not sure it'll be as fun as everyone says. It's hard to trust anyone who's already doing it, he said. They never remember what they lost to get there.

From StoryPeople:by Brian Andreas

BUILT-IN SHIT DETECTOR

"Martha was a touchstone. She had an unfailing shit detector. She did not pick up every truth, but she picked up every lie. . . . One could trust Martha to challenge one's lies and yet not to deny one's reality. That made Martha very rare. . . . Martha laughed the braying laugh she used whenever her shit detector was working."

from The Woman's Roomby Marilyn French

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time."

from "The Owl Who Was God"by James Thurber

"There is no lie that contains no part of truth."

from "The Summer Belvedere"by Tennessee Williams

"It makes me boil, it really does!"

from A Christmas Memory

by Truman Capote

"Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it."

--Laurence J. Peter

"The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right."

--Mark Twain

Gems from "Experience"

"So much of our time is preparation, so much is routine, and so much retrospect . . . It takes a good deal of time to eat or to sleep, or to earn a hundred dollars, and a very little time to entertain a hope and an insight which becomes the light of our life."

"The years teach muchwhich the days never know."

"From the mountainyou see the mountain."

"To fill the hour, -- that is happiness."

"To live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom."

"Five minutes of today are worthas much to me, as five minutesin the next millennium."

Let us treat the men and womenwell: treat them as if they werereal: perhaps they are."

"The great gifts arenot got by analysis.Everything goodis on the highway."

"People forget that it is the eye which makes the horizon."The true romance whichthe world exists to realize,will be the transformationof genius into practical power."

from Ralph Waldo Emerson'sessay, "Experience," 1844

Nothing To Live Against

Helpful insights fromMargaret Atwood'sTrue Stories

from True Romances #3

friend 1: " . . . what am I going to do, now that he's left me and I have nothing to live for?"

friend 2: "Who told you it has to be for anything? . . . were you living for him when he was there?"

friend 1: " No . . . I was living in spite of him, I was living against him."

friend 2: "Then you should say, I have nothing to live against."

friend 1: "It's the same thing, isn't it?"

friend 2: "No."

from True Romances #2

"A long time ago I was desperately in love. Desperately is what I mean, in fact you could leave out the love and still get a good picture."

Favorites from Sappho

#2
We shall enjoy it
As for him who finds
fault, may silliness
and sorrow take him!

#28
For her sake
We ask you
to come now

O Graces
O rosy-armed
perfection:

God's daughters

#59
I said, Sappho
Enough! Why
try to move
a hard heart?

#60
You may forget but
Let me tell you
this: someone in
some future time
will think of us

#69
This way, that way
I do not know
what to do: I
am of two minds

#73
Yes, it is pretty
But come, dear, need
you pride yourself
that much on a ring?

#76
Sappho, when some fool
Explodes rage
in your breast
hold back that
yapping tongue!

#79
Really . . .
My disposition
is not at all
spiteful: I have
a childlike heart.

A charm against fear

As heaven and earth are not afraid,and never suffer loss or harm,Even so, my spirit, be not afraid.

As day and night are not afraid,nor ever suffer loss or harm,Even so, my spirit, be not afraid.

As sun and moon are not afraid,nor ever suffer loss or harm,Even so my spirit, be not afraid.

As truth and falsehood have no fear,nor ever suffer loss or harm,Even so, my spirit, be not afraid.

As what has been and what shall be fear not,nor ever suffer loss or harm,Even so, my spirit, be not afraid.

Hymn XV, from the Atharva Veda

And

from Brian Andreas / StoryPeople:

busy workAt a certain point,feeling afraidis a bad habitfrom when you thoughtbeing afraidwould somehowhelp.Here’s the thingyou should know:it doesn’t.Feel free to stopany time.

&

outside voiceA lot of stuff changes once you figure outthe voices you hear in your head haveno idea what they’re talking about.If they knew anything at all aboutthe world, they’d stop in amazementbecause why waste all that timetalking when you could be spinningaround & around laughing &soaking it all in?

And

from Tennessee Williams:

“The world is a violent and mercurial — it will have its way with you. We are saved only by love — love for each other and the love that we pour into the art we feel compelled to share: being a parent; being a writer; being a painter; being a friend. We live in a perpetually burning building, and what we must save from it, all the time, is love.”

Antidotes for Fretfulness

All shall be well
and all shall be well
and all manner of things
shall be well.

--Dame Juliana of Norwich
14th Century Mystic
(1342 - 1416)

"I wish for you
some new love
at lovely things,
some new forgetfulness
at teasing things,
some higher pride
in the praising things,
some sweeter peace
from the hurrying things,
and some closer fence
from the worrying things."

--John Ruskin
English art critic
(1819 - 1900)

"Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsover things are just, whatsover things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue andif there be any praise,think on these things."

Philippians 4: 8

Not Even On My Radar

One day last summer I received a thumbs up from my darling niece Amy when we apparently, at a 4-way stop, annoyed another driver, who expressed an opinion of my driving by honking. Amy, bless her heart, was outraged on my behalf. I assured her, "Oh, not to worry; that's not even on my radar," and we proceeded on our way.