I don't really care for PETA. There are a lot of reasons. They're preachy and a bit crazy. They are endorsed by celebrities I find annoying. And they make me feel bad about doing things I enjoy, like eating cows.
But mostly, I resent PETA because they are smarter than me.

I look at this and actually think to myself, "You know, maybe it is time for me to become a vegetarian." Unsurprisingly, my motives in this are not entirely pure.

Basically, PETA is run by a bunch of geniuses. They have hit upon a devastating strategy: using one set of biological urges to completely overwhelm another. I have no answer to this level of sophistication. They have figured me out, and I lie helpless before their sexy onslaught.

The only thing that can save me now is a scantily-clad Tricia Helfer carrying a plate of hot wings. If you're out there reading this, Tricia, please hurry. You're my only hope.