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I attended an event last week held by the Love, Life Now Foundation. The sole purpose of this event was to talk about how men can help prevent domestic violence. Included were guest speakers who spoke about the foundations mission and a there was also large group of men who took a pledge to prevent domestic violence if they know or suspect that it is occurring. It was extremely moving.

One of the topics of discussion was “toxic masculinity”. A term that I have been a critic of. Let me explain, I have three young boys. I do not want them growing up to think that being masculine is toxic, just like if I had a daughter I would not want her to grow up thinking that being feminine is toxic.

However, as it was spoken about and explained at this event my opinion changed. I still think that this term should not be thrown around recklessly, but I did agree with the explanation of what it is referring to and how it should be used. Many young boys are brought up being taught that masculinity is not sensitive, emotional, kind or forgiving. Masculinity has unfortunately taken on a very “toxic” meaning within many circles of our society. The term has given men permission to be angry, disrespectful, cruel and violent toward men and women alike. It is thought that if you are a “real” man you know how to put a woman in her place with physical or emotional abuse. You are a real man if you stand up for yourself by punching someone or speaking bad of them instead of resolving things with kindness and compassion. If you do this you are weak and “not a real man”.

“Toxic masculinity” should not be a generalization about all men, but should be applied when appropriate. When a male is being “tough” by bullying or acting out violently he should be called out. This person needs to relearn what being masculine is. In our home we teach our boys to be kind, to never be a bully and to never lay a hand on anyone especially a girl! We want our boys to resolve tough situations with understanding and consideration for the other person involved. I know they aren’t perfect (nor am I!) but instilling these values is important and will help them make better decisions about their treatment of others.

Toxic Femininity

I want to talk a little about something I call “toxic femininity.” After the event last week it got me thinking more about what it means. In my opinion it doesn’t mean what I’ve seen a lot of people on social media define it as. This being a woman who stands up for herself and other women in wanting things like equal pay, better health care and the overall rights and civil liberties that men enjoy. Basically it doesn’t mean feminism, which for some reason scares a lot of folks because they think it means women are trying to push men aside when all we really want is to be treated fairly. I proudly consider myself a feminist.

In my opinion, “toxic femininity” means that you are trying detrimentally to be what society calls “beautiful” and imposing this ideology on others. I certainly love beauty and fashion but there’s a point that it’s taken too far and becomes “toxic” to the individual trying to be what the world considers “beautiful” and “sexy”.

For example, extreme dieting, tanning, massive amounts of injections and plastic surgery. Females are constantly confronted with pictures of women that are seemingly “flawless” or what society considers “flawless”. For example the Kardashians. They are the most followed family on Instagram and some of them have had everything done from booty implants, liposuction, nose jobs, lip injections and laser hair removal EVERYWHERE. In addition, they use applications like FaceTune that completely change the look of their face and body. (Don’t get me wrong I love a good filter but I’m not changing the size of my nose!)

These images are toxic for our young girls, I know this because I speak with some young women who want to have procedures done that will give them an “hourglass figure” or a smaller, more pointy nose and curves that are naturally impossible. These young ladies are beautiful the way they are and we need to encourage that and stop following “fakers”. The more we see and appreciate women the way they are the more it will be considered beautiful to just be ourselves! Women and young girls will all be more confident about who they are and what they look like.

Do you think that “toxic femininity” exists? And if so what do you consider “toxic femininity”?

I would like to close by saying if you think that you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, physical or mental, please contact either the Love, Life, Now Foundation (617-803-8357) or the Dove Foundation (Domestic Violence Ended), 617-471-1234 or Toll Free: 1-888-314-3683.

I was catching up on some of the fashion blogs I like to read and came across Brooke Hil’s, Notebrooke.com. I often see her beautiful photos pop up in my insta feed but hadn’t gone as far as to click on her blog thinking it would be the same as all the rest. Turns out I couldn’t have been more wrong. I came across a very authentic, raw and wise post that really spoke to me as an aspiring … blogger?

I say that with a question mark as I’ve been in the fashion, fitness, lifestyle blogging game for a long time now with successes here and there, but nothing to write home about. In her latest post she talks about the strange world of celebrity fashion bloggers and what it takes to become one. One of the first mentions is how she was embarrassed to say she was a “fashion blogger” when she first started out and struggled to find meaning in it until she received a lovely letter from a reader who exclaimed her affinity for the realness and intellect in which Brooke’s blog is written. Writing not just about fashion but about things like career and depression as well.

I can appreciate this as I struggle to streamline what my blog is about. I love fashion as you all know, I’ve spent many hours honing my styling skills, working on fashion shows and magazine editorials, taking photos of myself and others in an #ootd that I find to be stylish and blog worthy. However I become a bit jaded and vapid when I find that most of my time is spent looking at the latest fashion mags, street style photos and as is with my job at Saks, being surrounded by designer wears. Besides the fact that I don’t want to be just another fashion blogger with the same content week after week, it doesn’t just bore my audience it bores me.

I strayed from my normal fashion posts when I had my first melt down of 2018 and posted it on my insta-feed. I had a crappy grocery shopping experience and gave a tirade about being nice and how common courtesy is not so common anymore. I questioned if I should have posted it as it shows a side to me I haven’t shared with my followers and wasn’t sure how it would be received. But then thought, this is real life and I like to see that real side of people not just the perfect outfit and mommy moment. I like to be relatable if I can and want to share that with people and make that connection that we are all human and have our good and bad days. Besides the fact that I am so far from perfect that I can’t possibly fake perfection for that long!

Finding balance between “realness” and aspiration is tough. I sell designer brands that are wonderful but generally speaking, not in my price point. I like to show off these beautiful clothes and shoes but don’t want to give the wrong perception that all I wear is designer. I am very much a “fashion within reach” stylist and blogger. It helps to see what the high-end designers are putting out to try and emulate it with pieces I might already have or are available for much less. I will continue to try and do that as I will branch out and share my love of family, fashion, fitness, and as the ups and downs of being a mother, women, wife, employee and human being.

What’s in store for 2018? I don’t know but I’m going to make the best of it and keep going… gotta go my middle child is whining at me to make him oatmeal.

My birthday just passed and as I get older it becomes increasingly important for me to take care of my skin and I become more curious as to what women of “advanced age” do to keep their skin looking it’s best. Although I always remain skeptical of any “anti-aging” skin care regimen that a celebrity shares (I believe most have plastic surgery or fillers that actually make them look so young) I do think it’s worth paying attention to some of their recs and doing your own research as well to figure out what works best for you.

I’ll share with you some of the “secrets” I found recently.

Iman.I just love her! This quote from TotalBeauty.com is everything:
“‘Where I come from, aging is something that is earned,’ says the Somali supermodel who also says that she can’t imagine injecting something that’s labeled a toxin into her body.”

Nicole Kidman. Now, as much as I love Nicole and think she looks amazing, it’s pretty obvious she’s had some work done. And that’s perfectly fine and acceptable, I just wish more celebs would own up to that fact so that the rest of us mortals don’t feel as though we’re doing something wrong in our organic anti-aging pursuits.

That being said, on top of the work she does recommend retinal. Which is one the most popular external anti-aging treatment out there. She says she uses Neutrogena Rapid Wrinkle Repair.

Jennifer Lopez. I will be extremely grateful if I look a 10th as good as she does at the age of 48! She accredits not just her still banging body, but her ageless skin, in part, to a healthy workout regimen. She’s worked with celebrity trainers including Tracy Anderson and Gunnar Peterson, and is an avid yogi. So get moving and sweat yourself to younger looking skin!

My #1 recommendation and the #1 rec by dermatologists for keeping your skin looking young, wait for it… sunscreen!! The sun is the #1 cause of aging skin so lather up that skin with at least an SPF 15. I use a BB cream from Laura Mercier with SPF on my face. I love it because it does double duty providing natural coverage and UVA and B protection. You can find it here.