Love or hate Twitter, you can't deny that celebrity parody accounts are it's best creation. There are thousands of accounts out there, and most of them suck, but there are some precious gems. Believe us when we say, the really funny Drake parodies are so worth wading through endless #DrakesTheTypeOfGuy accounts.
George R. R. Martin - @GRRM
Until recently, the Game Of Thrones author was not verified on Twitter. Some speculated that these cryptic tweets could only be the work of the real GRRM, but it was just a clever ruse.
Live every day like it's your last. You never know if I'll decide to kill you off. #GeorgeWisdom
— George R.R. Martin (@GRRM) July 31, 2014
Did Sam make a promise that he wouldn't die?... Haha pic.twitter.com/7GlDQ6bNTY
— George R.R. Martin (@GRRM) July 28, 2014
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Mark Zuckerberg - @notzuckerberg
Fake Zuckerberg is here to give us the honest truth: we’re all pathetically addicted to Facebook. Thanks Zuckerberg for hooking us in, and thank you even more fake Zuckerberg for helping us laugh at it.
You're soon going to have to download our Messenger app to write Facebook messages. And you'll need a third app if you want to send them.
— Not Mark Zuckerberg (@notzuckerberg) July 29, 2014
I apologize that Facebook went down for thirty minutes this morning and that all of you were forced to spend that half hour meaningfully.
— Not Mark Zuckerberg (@notzuckerberg) June 19, 2014
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Taylor Swift - @feministtswift
This is basically a Twitter account combining Feminism and Taylor Swift lyrics in the best possible way.
I don't know about you / So I won't assume your experience as a woman / But I'm feeling 22
— FeministTaylorSwift (@feministtswift) January 16, 2014
And you call me up again just to break me like an anti-discrimination law
— FeministTaylorSwift (@feministtswift) July 15, 2014
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Bill Nye - @yaboybillnye
If you’re looking for someone to drop some knowledge on you, then you better hit up Ya Boy Bill Nye. If anyone on the planet deserves a worthy Twitter parody account, it’s Bill Nye The Science Guy.
ERRBODY IN THE LAB GETTIN TIPSY
— YA BOY BILL NYE (@yaboybillnye) August 4, 2014
SCIENCE FACT lava is hot
— YA BOY BILL NYE (@yaboybillnye) August 1, 2014
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Lord Voldemort - @Lord_Voldemort7
Even the Dark Lord is on Twitter. Okay, so maybe Voldemort isn’t real, but he’s basically one of the biggest baddies there is, so that makes him a celebrity. Which means, obviously, he’s got the best Twitter parody account of the bunch.
It's July 31st. For some reason that date seems familiar....
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) July 31, 2014
Wrong world cup... http://t.co/Nn8szqDlMg
— The Dark Lord (@Lord_Voldemort7) June 14, 2014
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Drake - @StuffDrakeDoes
Drake fans get a little insight on Drake's day-to-day life with this Twitter account. Now we know what this soulful artist really thinks (and feels) when asked the tough questions.
Airport security. "Any hazardous materials, sir?" Drake smiles to himself, and shakes his head. "The dagger in my heart," he thinks.
— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes) August 1, 2014
Drake hands over his passport at the terminal. "Destination, sir?" Drake shakes his head. "Somewhere else," he whispers.
— Stuff Drake Does (@StuffDrakeDoes) July 17, 2014
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Betty White - @BettyFckinWhite
As we expect Betty White is in real life, her parody account is up to date on all of Hollywood’s latest drama. With a decent amount of Beverly Hills, 90210 tied in.
If Jay-Z and Beyoncé divorce that'll make it an even 100 problems then.
— Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite) August 4, 2014
Why isn't Jason Priestly in Sharknado 2? Isn't it his turn?
— Betty F*ckin' White (@BettyFckinWhite) July 30, 2014
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Bill Clinton - @PimpBillClinton
About 90% of these tweets are probably NSFW, which makes them all Clinton approved.
Don't call them all you can eat pancakes if you're gonna cut me off at 37.
— Pimp B. Clinton (@PimpBillClinton) August 4, 2014
I just got so high that I bought every Limp Bizkit song off of iTunes.#cryforhelp
— Pimp B. Clinton (@PimpBillClinton) August 2, 2014
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The Queen of England - @Queen_UK
If you’re going to make a parody account for the world’s most powerful woman, this is how you do it.
The Proclaimers were due to close the show by they've walked 500 miles away since Lulu started. #closingceremony
— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) August 3, 2014
#RoyalPhotoBomb pic.twitter.com/iD0fzr7pAJ
— Elizabeth Windsor (@Queen_UK) July 24, 2014
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Chuck Norris - @chuck_facts
So we're not 100% sure this isn’t just Chuck Norris parodying himself, because no one makes fun of Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
— Chuck Norris Facts (@chuck_facts) August 2, 2014
Chuck Norris killed two stones with one bird.
— Chuck Norris Facts (@chuck_facts) July 23, 2014
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Lions Gate via Everett Collection
When we last left our heroes, they had conquered all opponents in the 74th Annual Hunger Games, returned home to their newly refurbished living quarters in District 12, and fallen haplessly to the cannibalism of PTSD. And now we're back! Hitching our wagons once again to laconic Katniss Everdeen and her sweet-natured, just-for-the-camera boyfriend Peeta Mellark as they gear up for a second go at the Capitol's killing fields.
But hold your horses — there's a good hour and a half before we step back into the arena. However, the time spent with Katniss and Peeta before the announcement that they'll be competing again for the ceremonial Quarter Quell does not drag. In fact, it's got some of the film franchise's most interesting commentary about celebrity, reality television, and the media so far, well outweighing the merit of The Hunger Games' satire on the subject matter by having Katniss struggle with her responsibilities as Panem's idol. Does she abide by the command of status quo, delighting in the public's applause for her and keeping them complacently saturated with her smiles and curtsies? Or does Katniss hold three fingers high in opposition to the machine into which she has been thrown? It's a quarrel that the real Jennifer Lawrence would handle with a castigation of the media and a joke about sandwiches, or something... but her stakes are, admittedly, much lower. Harvey Weinstein isn't threatening to kill her secret boyfriend.
Through this chapter, Katniss also grapples with a more personal warfare: her devotion to Gale (despite her inability to commit to the idea of love) and her family, her complicated, moralistic affection for Peeta, her remorse over losing Rue, and her agonizing desire to flee the eye of the public and the Capitol. Oftentimes, Katniss' depression and guilty conscience transcends the bounds of sappy. Her soap opera scenes with a soot-covered Gale really push the limits, saved if only by the undeniable grace and charisma of star Lawrence at every step along the way of this film. So it's sappy, but never too sappy.
In fact, Catching Fire is a masterpiece of pushing limits as far as they'll extend before the point of diminishing returns. Director Francis Lawrence maintains an ambiance that lends to emotional investment but never imposes too much realism as to drip into territories of grit. All of Catching Fire lives in a dreamlike state, a stark contrast to Hunger Games' guttural, grimacing quality that robbed it of the life force Suzanne Collins pumped into her first novel.
Once we get to the thunderdome, our engines are effectively revved for the "fun part." Katniss, Peeta, and their array of allies and enemies traverse a nightmare course that seems perfectly suited for a videogame spin-off. At this point, we've spent just enough time with the secondary characters to grow a bit fond of them — deliberately obnoxious Finnick, jarringly provocative Johanna, offbeat geeks Beedee and Wiress — but not quite enough to dissolve the mystery surrounding any of them or their true intentions (which become more and more enigmatic as the film progresses). We only need adhere to Katniss and Peeta once tossed in the pit of doom that is the 75th Hunger Games arena, but finding real characters in the other tributes makes for a far more fun round of extreme manhunt.
But Catching Fire doesn't vie for anything particularly grand. It entertains and engages, having fun with and anchoring weight to its characters and circumstances, but stays within the expected confines of what a Hunger Games movie can be. It's a good one, but without shooting for succinctly interesting or surprising work with Katniss and her relationships or taking a stab at anything but the obvious in terms of sending up the militant tyrannical autocracy, it never even closes in on the possibility of being a great one.
3.5/5
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FX
Every drama needs to have a villain. It's what creates friction for the protagonist. Some of the shows make the antagonist so horrible that they might as well be wearing a mustache that they twirl at every opportunity (see every single person Chuck Norris went up against in Walker, Texas Ranger). Justified's Boyd Crowder is no common villain. In fact, he might be the best one on TV or at least in the Top 5.
Walton Goggins is a force of nature when portraying Crowder. People take one look at him and dismiss as him as a country bumpkin, but there's a seething intellect burning behind those eyes. Crowder speaks eloquently and is prone to quoting from the most esoteric works. Not bad for a man who spent a good portion of his life working in a mine (that's how he knows Deputy Marshal Raylan Givens, the show's protagonist; they worked in the same mine). But for all Crowder's veneer of civility, there is a coldness to him, one where he will kill whoever stands in his way, with the same amount of thought given to squashing a bug. He can be laughing and smiling one minute and then be training his gun on you, his eyes dead.
The relationship between Crowder and Givens is partly what makes this show so fascinating. The two men are clearly on the opposite sides of the law, but hold each other in some regard, since both have come to each other's rescue more than once during the show's run. It's going to be fascinating to see what happens in the next season, with Crowder having a chance at a somewhat normal life ripped out from under his feet.
I'm no stranger to Goggins' work, having seen his turn next to Michael Chiklis on The Shield. In fact, one thing I lament is that there would never be a crossover on Breaking Bad. I'd be very curious to see what Crowder would think of Heisenberg.
Funny thing was, Crowder was supposed to die as he did in the short story, "Fire In The Hole," that inspired Justified. I'm glad that the showrunners decided against that.
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In light of his late-career resurgence on Showtime's Ray Donovan, let's revisit a few of Jon Voight's greatest performances.
FayesVision/WENN
Midnight CowboyAs Joe Buck, a small town hustler with big city ambitions, Voight earned universal praise from both fans and critics, as well as his first Oscar nod. Midnight Cowboy also went on to win 1969's Academy Award for Best Picture, the first, and still only, X-Rated film to receive that honor.
DeliveranceThis story about a canoe trip gone bad, may be one of the creepiest films of Voight's career, yet also one of his most lasting. The pork and ham business must have suffered dearly after the film's iconic "squeal like a pig" scene.
Coming HomePlaying a paralyzed veteran that returns home after the Vietnam war, Voight won his first and only Academy Award for Best Actor. His co-star, Jane Fonda, also won an Oscar for Best Actress.
AliOnly Jon Voight could land a supporting role in a Will Smith movie and undoubtedly outshine the film's star. As sports legend Howard Cosell, Voight added depth and dimension to a man whose larger than life personage often fell victim to mockery. Voight also received his fourth Academy nomination for the role.
Ray DonovanIn an age where television has overtaken the movies as the medium of choice for top-level talent, the 74-year-old has received some of the best reviews in years for his role as a murderous Boston-bred father on Showtime's Ray Donovan. If the show's still on six years from now, Voight may be television's first octogenarian tough guy.
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Breaking Bad breaks all the rules of TV storytelling. Normally, if the big reveal you’ve been building toward the whole series — say, that the brother-in-law of a meth kingpin discovers that he has a meth kingpin for a brother-in-law — happens, you delay the resulting conflict for as long as possible. Not on Breaking Bad. One episode after Hank’s (Dean Norris) toilet revelation about Walt (Bryan Cranston) being Heisenberg, we got…a confrontation between Walt and Hank. Likewise, when a flash-forward has been teased at length, you expect that to be a tease of events in the far distant future. Well, the destruction of Casa White (Casa Blanca?) actually seems to be nigh.
Jesse (Aaron Paul) has officially lost it. And instead of getting blazed with his seemingly bottomless stash of weed, he’s going to set a blaze: a fire that could leave Walt’s house in the state we’ve seen it in those post-52nd birthday teases. Who wants to bet that he’s also going to spraypaint “Heisenberg” on the wall before striking that match?
Ursula Coyote/AMC
“Confessions” continued to tighten the noose around Walt’s neck. Jesse’s on a pyromaniac spree, Hank’s going to be out for blood more than ever — even if he’s been momentarily stalled — and Todd, the scariest character on the show, has done something that could have major repercussions. We saw him follow up the massacre of Declan and his men by spilling all to his companions about the train heist. He even revealed Walt’s name. His companions seemed impressed, especially since that jump off a moving train was like the Burt Reynolds movie Hooper. (First, Star Trek. Then, Scrooge McDuck. Now Burt Reynolds movies!) Now, I’m not saying that his companions will come gunning for Walt, or that they’re secretly undercover Feds or whatever, but they will reveal what Todd told them, mark my words. Anyone who laments the continued presence of ashtrays in airplane armrests, since smoking itself is no longer allowed, is going to talk.
As far as Hank’s interrogation of Jesse went, that wasn’t nearly the explosive showdown we were expecting — another subtly subversive twist. Hank immediately leveled that he knew Jesse had been working with Heisenberg, his brother-in-law. Jesse didn’t deny it, but he said Hank would have to beat a full confession out of him. He may not have much love for Walt, but he’s still not a rat. He may be looking for redemption but the spiritual cleanse he seeks won’t necessarily come from the Law. Saul then showed up, raised hell, and got Jesse out of there in a heartbeat. I mean, giving money away is hardly a crime.
Marie continued her bid to kidnap Walt &amp; Skyler’s kids. This time, Walt Jr. was her target. Notice how she exclusively calls him "Flynn now." Before he could go to his aunt’s to help her with “some computer thing,” his dad told him the cancer was back. Yep, that was the way to keep him nearby. Instead, he would have Skyler tape his “confession,” then the two of them would meet Hank &amp; Marie at a Mexican restaurant for lunch: Gardunia’s Taqueria. Oh, the awkwardness that is interacting with a relentlessly sunny waiter when you are anything but. “Hi, I’m Trent, I can take your drink order. And how about some tableside guacamole?” They make the guac right there at the table! As bad of a mood as Walt and Skyler were in, Hank and Marie were far worse off. Marie is so uncertain about the truth of anything her sister has said that she even wonders if her affair took place — something I’m not certain Skyler herself revealed to Hank and Marie, but Walt may have. (Funny that would be the one thing her sister would rattle off, as if she’s almost jealous of Skyler if indeed the affair took place.) Basically, Marie took over the whole lunch, just as she did her conversation with Skyler last week. She even suggested that Walt should just kill himself, since he’s going to die anyway, and then all their problems would be solved. Skyler did not go for that. Nor did Hank, who thought that would allow Walt to get off too easy. He also suggested that he would see to it that Skyler pays too, if she sticks with her husband. So Walt slid a DVD over to him and quietly left. It seemed he’d decided to turn over a full confession and, his family’s financial future secure, accept the consequences of his crimes.
Ursula Coyote/AMC
Except that’s not what he did. Not by a long shot. What followed were three of the most harrowing, truly disturbing minutes I’ve ever seen on television. Hank and Marie popped in the DVD and watched Walt’s confession. A confession that he was indeed a meth cook and had made a fortune cooking the blue stuff…but that he really worked for Hank, who’d learned the know-how to build his own meth empire while working for the DEA. When Kingpin Hank crossed his partner Gus Fring, he was attacked by two hitmen. Hank plotted with Hector Salamanca — who, remember, came to the DEA shortly before blowing himself up — to kill Fring in retaliation. And Hank even demanded that Walt pay $177,000 for his medical treatment. The fact is, there’s just as much evidence on the table currently to “prove” that reading of events as there is what really happened. What’s amazing is how this revealed the complacency and utter stupidity of Marie: to accept that money and really believe that it was from gambling. I mean, who makes $177,000 from poker or blackjack? She’s one of Walt’s accomplices too, really. And Hank knew it. “You’ve killed me here,” he said to his wife. “That’s the last nail…that’s the last nail in the coffin.” He may hate his brother-in-law more than ever now, but he has no choice but to call off the investigation and even tell those men of his to stop tailing Jesse.
This “confession” may have just been about the worst thing we’ve ever seen Walt do: a relentless threat of such calculation that the family he’s tried to protect will now be sundered forever. I’ve never felt such abject loathing for him as I did watching his go-for-broke performance sobbing to the camera that Hank was the true villain. And that came just moments after hoping he actually would stick it to Hank and Marie following their display of banal moralism at the Mexican place. That kind of narrative calibration, that ability to snap our identification from one character to another that quickly, is a sign of master storytelling. The term “Hitchcockian” is bandied about so readily these days and rarely with any true justification. But this toggling of our loyalties, of being able to cause us to root for both Walt and Hank at the same time — as Hitchcock did in making us cheer on both Farley Granger and Robert Walker in Strangers on a Train, Janet Leigh and Anthony Perkins in Psycho — is truly Hitchcockian. It’s suspense so relentlessly, so tightly coiled we don’t even know how it can be relieved at this point.
And none of this has even involved Jesse! Walt finally did meet him out in the wilderness and told him to visit Jim Beaver, the guy who can create a new identity for him, a new life. Jesse just wanted Walt to level with him. “Can you stop playing me for just five minutes?” He knew Walt wanted him to get out of town or he’d be killed just like Mike. Walt’s only response was a hug.
Jesse went to Saul, who advised he should start over in Florida, get a tan, hang out with the “Swedish bikini team.” Nah, Jesse wanted to go to Alaska. The complete opposite of anything these people were suggesting for him. (Didn’t you love Huell’s “’Scuse me” when Jesse squeezed past him?) He indeed went to meet with Jim Beaver, except he couldn’t go through with it. He noticed that the ricin cigarette in the pack was gone. Walt must still be planning to use it. Other people might still get hurt. This isn’t over. After all the platitudes, all the reassurances, they were still stuck in the cycle of violence. And Jesse wouldn’t stop until it was truly broken. He may have broken into Saul’s office, beaten him silly, pointed a gun at Huell, and splattered gasoline around Walt’s home to torch the place, but all of this may actually have been the sign that he’s broken good. This violence would end with him.
How has Jesse broken good? Well, every other character on this show thinks that forgetting the past, by moving forward and trying to do better in the future, is a viable, defensible goal. They rationalize, justify, or outright forget or censor their terrible crimes: Lydia saying she doesn’t “want to see” the carnage she unleashed in having Todd’s crew kill Declan’s; Walt choosing to whistle away the pain of that young boy’s death. I mentioned a couple weeks ago Budd Boetticher’s idea in Ride Lonesome that forgetting the horrors we’ve unleashed is humanity’s default position: “A man can do that.” But if you do forget, how can you ensure the cycle is broken? You can’t. Jesse is asserting the morality of remembering, that carrying around guilt, and making sure others do the same, can prevent history from repeating itself, can end the violence. Moving to Florida and getting a tan isn’t going to do that. Remembering is the first step toward living a more just life. It’s the opposite of Walt trying to act like everything is copacetic with Skyler when he’s really going to retrieve his snub .38 from the vending machine to protect himself. Remembering is in itself a moral act. It’s why “admitting you have a problem” is the first step in 12-step programs. Walt is still in denial.
Maybe a cleansing inferno will help wake him up.
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More: ‘Breaking Bad’ Recap: Skyler Stands By Walt, But Will Jesse? Recap: Walter White Vs. Hank Schrader Huell: Stop Rolling Around in Money Jonathan Banks’ Casting Shows ‘Community’ Is Where ‘Breaking Bad’ Characters Go When They Die
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Frank Ockenfels/AMC
Can you believe we’re only two episodes into Breaking Bad’s final run? This show packs more into two episodes than other series do during half a season. I mean, by the end of “Buried” the suspense practically reached the breaking point. And not because of any “didn’t see it coming!” twists or mindf**k reveals. Because of the building turmoil of the characters conveyed through some pretty incredible acting — especially Anna Gunn, who turned in possibly her all-time best performance as Skyler.
The opening scene was like a suicidal depressive’s drug-fueled take on one of Grimm’s fairy tales: Aaron Paul’s Jesse Pinkman driving through Albuquerque, throwing wads of cash out his car window as if he were leaving breadcrumbs behind him. But whereas Hansel &amp; Gretel threw breadcrumbs to find their way back from whence they'd come, Jesse didn’t seek to be tethered to the past. Each wad of money he chucked out into the New Mexico night was like a stepping stone toward atonement, and maybe his chance at a future. It’s hard not to see Zen symbolism in the playground carousel where he ended his journey: Jesse stuck in an endless loop, a cycle of depression and misery that he just can’t get out of. But maybe getting rid of that money was his first step toward enlightenment. The next step could be spilling all about Walter White to Hank, when he comes in to interrogate him. Certainly Jesse is the witness, the evidence, that Hank needs to put Walt away. What will happen next?
“Buried” then picked up right where “Blood Money” left off: with Walt leaving Hank’s garage after their confrontation last week. As he was walking down Hank’s driveway, he stopped and turned to look back at his brother-in-law one last time. Director Michelle MacLaren framed their wordless standoff like the low-angle buildup to one of Sergio Leone’s shootouts, shot at the ankle and hip. Walt immediately called Skyler, but the car wash attendant told him that she was on the phone talking to someone else and would not hang up. She wouldn’t hang up? Walt turned around and saw Hank on the phone. Skyler must have been talking to him. And she was.
Skyler went to meet Hank at a diner, possibly the same one where Mike met with Lydia when she was playing cloak-and-dagger at the start of Season 5. Hank immediately hugged her. It was a long, slow hug, the kind that are always uncomfortable. See, he had no idea just how far she had collaborated with Walt. He seemed so overly conciliatory and concerned, he must have wanted something from her. And he did. He wanted her to record a statement into his recorder implicating her husband for his crimes. But we saw something more from Hank then and throughout the whole episode: he really has changed. Hank’s been humbled. This isn’t the guy who once was making Schraderbombs. He’s closer to the guy who collected rocks. Sorry, minerals. And he may feel even more vulnerable now than when he was shot by the Twins. Those were two cartel hitmen, an external threat. Walt is family. “The monster” or “the animal” as he kept calling him when to talking to Skyler was right under his nose the whole time. His own family bred chaos. Nothing for Hank will ever be safe again.
Hank told her Walt said his cancer is back. That seemed to change something in Skyler. She may have been waiting for it to come back. She may have been hoping for it to come back. But to actually have it come back is a whole other thing entirely. As Hank kept pressing her, she eventually said she felt she needed a lawyer, and he snapped that she didn’t. That raised a red flag. If he really had her best interests at heart, why wouldn’t he let her call a lawyer? She started to pull away and scream “Am I under arrest?” over and over and left the diner. Sadly, AMC already threw up the hashtag #amIunderarrest to promote their Talking Bad show following the episode, a transparent and phony attempt by them to create a viral moment rather than let it happen naturally.
Actually, #ScroogeMcDuck would have been the better hashtag, and is probably already trending. Huell proved himself one of the best supporting characters Breaking Bad has ever had once again. He and an accomplice had been sent by Saul to pack up Walt’s money at the storage facility and bring it to him in a truck. But Huell just had to lay on it, to wallow in a greenback mattress. “We are here to do a job, not channel Scrooge McDuck,” his partner said. But eventually he succumbed too.
Back at Saul’s, Walt’s attorney assessed the situation with him. Well, once they hide the money Hank won’t have any real evidence, right? As long as they keep Jesse under lock and key, of course. Beyond that, “Have you given any thought to sending [Hank] on a trip to Belize?” Saul asked. “You know? Where Mike went to?” Walt protested. This is different. Hank is family. Meaning that there’s still one boundary Walt will not cross. “I’ll send you to Belize.”
All great moments. But this was Anna Gunn’s night. She topped her own performance in the diner with Hank when Marie came to visit her. Hank had told her sister everything. And now Marie wanted to know when Skyler had found out. It must have been right around the time she took that creepy, fully-clothed dip into the pool, right? No, wait. It must have been when she took the kids and stayed at their place around the time of the Gus Fring explosion? No, wait. It must have been when they bought the car wash? Retracing the events of the past year, Marie came to realize how long Skyler must really have known. All the while, Skyler whimpered and cried, and basically confirmed everything…but without words. Without an on-the-record confession. She said everything by saying nothing. Finally, Marie realized Skyler must have known even before the Twins shot Hank. She slapped her, stormed out, took the baby and tried to leave the house. Now Skyler recovered her speech. She tried to take the baby back and even Hank had to come in to tell Marie to do so. What a classic Marie move to act like such a crazy person that she made this revelatory moment in her family’s history all about her. As she always does. If anything, Hank and Marie finding out about Walt makes them realize how truly small they are — in their vision, in terms of their powers of perception, and even their trespasses. Marie needs little ego trips like pretending she’s a hand model and stealing from model homes to feel transgressive. Walt and Skyler committed far greater crimes but at least made millions off it. Discovering Walt and Skyler’s crimes shouldn’t reinforce Hank and Marie’s worldview, it should shatter it. Their cultivated banality has been exposed.
Walt went out into the desert, buried the money, memorized the GPS coordinates, then returned home. He assumed Skyler had immediately caved to Hank’s pressure. He was wrong. But he collapsed in a heap in their bathroom. When he woke up hours later, he confirmed the cancer is back and said that he’d give himself up so long as she and the children keep the money. “The way Hank talks,” Skyler said, “He’s got his suspicions but not much else.” Maybe their best move here is just to stay quiet. Meaning that Skyler would not take up Walt on his sacrificial offer.
Of course, Walt and Skyler can stay quiet, but who can make their accomplices do the same? First off, there’s Lydia. Off in a desert junkyard, she met with her new supplier, the guy who took possession of Walt’s meth. She was none too happy that he was serving up a product of only 68% purity. It was selling, yes. But her buyer in the Czech Republic really does care about maintaining standards. She wanted him to at least use Todd. So the guy brought her down into the lab, a dark, dank, dirty place where no really high-quality meth could possibly be made. And suddenly, trouble seemed to take place on the surface. He went up to check, but automatic gunfire rang out, shouts were uttered, and suddenly…all was silent. Todd then peered down the Hatch and told her it was safe. He and his family would be taking control of the meth-making operation. He escorted her up, but before she emerged on the surface she said the immortal words, “I don’t want to see.” She can commit these crimes, but she doesn’t have to see them, to have a visual record of them lodged in her memory. As if somehow the horror of what she does would become more real that way. With her eyes closed the whole way, Todd escorted her over the killing field.
Hank then explained to Marie his strategy for bringing in Walt. He had to track down the crucial bit of evidence that would put him away himself. “Who do you think you are, Lone Wolf McQuaid?” Marie asked. But it really was the only way for him to have a shred of dignity in how his career ends. Because his career would end, one way or another. Without the evidence, his colleagues at the DEA wouldn’t believe him and would think that he had truly lost it. With the evidence, they would put Walt away…but never forgive Hank for being so myopic as to not realize Heisenberg was under his nose the whole time. Hank knew it too. He knew that ten seconds after he tells them, his career his over. Which of course means there’s some incentive for Hank to not tell anybody. That way he could preserve his career, unless of course somebody else at the DEA catches Walt instead. If he doesn’t tell the DEA, Hank will betray everything he believes in. If he does tell them, his life as he’s known it is over.
Maybe it’s a decision he won’t even have to make. Jesse Pinkman was picked up for questioning after throwing his millions across town, and somehow Hank knew he was the evidence he needed. The final image was of Hank walking into Jesse’s holding cell and closing the door behind him.
Is that a cliffhanger or what?
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Way to go America! You’ve proven that you have truly excellent taste in captivating television. CBS’s highly anticipated summer series Under the Dome premiered last night with record-breaking ratings.
In addition to earning a jaw-dropping 13.14 million viewers, the one-hour episode was the most-watched summer drama premiere on any network since 1992. But the victories don’t stop there — Under the Dome is CBS's most-watched summer premiere among any genre since Big Brother in 2000 and best in adults 18-49 since 2005. Yup, it’s a good time to be a TV fan.
Based on the bestselling novel by acclaimed author Stephen King and produced by Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Television, Under the Dome is a a whirlwind of sci-fi drama, intrigue, and jaw-dropping mysteries that is unlike anything else on TV. Were you one of the small few who missed Monday's premiere? Not to worry! You can catch up on all the details from last night’s premiere right here.
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Get ready, because this summer's most captivating new series is going to trap your attention and instantly become your new favorite obsession. One of Hollywood's biggest directors, Steven Spielberg, is pairing with literary giant Stephen King for an out of this world CBS event. Under The Dome is a whirlwind of drama, intrigue, and jaw-dropping mysteries that is unlike anything else on TV.
We've collected all the details from the pilot to help catch you up on this sci-fi phenomenon and point out things you may have missed. However, since this show has a multitude of diabolical characters, twists, turns, and head-scratching events, it would be easy to get lost in a vast sea of paragraphs. (And come on, ain't nobody got time for that!) So we at Hollywood.com present you with an effecient yet effective alternative: recapping Under the Dome in under 500 words.
Is it ambitious? Heck yes! But if our cut-to-the-chase recap is exactly what the TV fan-on-the-go needs to keep up with this fantastic show, then we're more than happy to help. Read on for all the spoilers and secrets from this week’s Under the Dome series premiere.
Who's Who? Welcome to the itty-bitty neighborhood of Chester's Mill, a quaint place that features small-town charm and a variety of citizens — some who couldn't hurt a fly and others who are bats**t crazy. We first meet Dale "Barbie" Barbara, a handsome yet mysterious former army captain who seems too good to be true, despite the fact that we saw him burying a dead body. Yikes! Sheriff "Duke" Perkins is the town's fearless leader who watches over these small streets along with loyal Deputy Linda.
Big Jim Rennie is a smarmy politician and used car salesman who seems a little too excited when all hell breaks loose in town. The crazy doesn't fall too far from the tree with his son, Junior Rennie. Junior has the hots for a pretty little lady named Angie McAllister (we actually meet them both mid-coitus, ooh la la!) and he tells her that he's going to drop out of college to be with her. She promptly tells him no, he slaps her, and we realize that this is one sick teen that we sure as hell don't want to mess with.
Julia Shumway is the town's newest newspaper reporter, and someone who clearly takes her job way too seriously in a town that doesn’t even have its own Denny's. Nonetheless, she gets a tip that the town is stocking up on way too much propane and we begin to get curious. We also meet Angie's brother, Joe McCallister, and Carolyn and Alice (a lesbian couple passing through from L.A.) and their troubled daughter Norrie.
Dropping the Dome: With all of the firefighters, most of the police staff, and a handful of citizens over in the next county for the big parade day, Chester's Mill is pretty much down to their basics. And then… it drops. Birds fall from the sky from broken necks, cows are chopped in half and planes and trucks smash into invisible barriers causing mind blowing and breathtaking explosions.
No one knows what it is, no one knows why it's there, but here's what we do know: When you touch the wall of the dome, it zaps you... the first time. But any time after that, you're fine. No sounds can get in or out of the dome. The higher-ups at the military are very interested in figuring out what is going on, showing up in HazMat suits to investigate. The dome affects some teens in a super strange way — both Norrie and Joe go into a full-blown seizure, mumbling, "The stars are falling in lines."
Out Comes the Crazy: The dome is also not a fan of certain electronic devices. For example, poor Sheriff Duke has a pacemaker, and after creeping closer to the dome, the little device shoots right out of his chest. We're not 100 percent sure, but he looks all kinds of dead at the end of the episode. Junior becomes absolutely obsessed with Angie and now that the town is in disarray, he promptly kidnaps her and locks her away in his family's fallout shelter. Ready for the biggest shocker of them all? The man that Barbie was burying in the beginning of the episode is actually Julia's doctor husband, but she doesn't know he’s dead yet. Yikes!
Has Under the Dome trapped your attention? Shout out your speculations and sci-fi theories in the comments below!
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Are you ready for the most captivating new series of the summer? One of Hollywood’s biggest directors, Steven Spielberg, is pairing with literary giant Stephen King for an out of this world CBS event. Under The Dome is a whirlwind of drama, intrigue, and jaw-dropping mysteries that is unlike anything else on TV.
Hollywood.com just finished screening the premiere episode of Under The Dome and we’re now counting down the seconds until you get to experience the sci-fi phenomenon for yourself. To help get you as excited as we are, we’ve got your first look at the brand new poster for King’s best-selling novel turned TV series.
Under The Dome centers on the small town of Chester’s Mill, which is suddenly sealed off by an invisible barrier and traps the citizens within the limited confines of the city’s border. Executive Producer Neal Baer promises that audiences will be blown away by the creative vision that Spielberg and King have created in this one-of-a-kind series.
"It seems like Steven Spielberg sees the best in humanity and Stephen King is always seeing the worst. But they do have a lot of similarities — they’re both really aggressive humanists. They both just love people so much and throwing them into extraordinary situations and seeing what happens," Baer says.
Don’t the series premiere of Under The Dome Monday, June 24th at 10 PM on CBS.
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Men, moms, and a mini-series are just some of what CBS has in store for viewers this fall. The top-rated network had their upfront presentation at Carnegie Hall on Wednesday and rolled out the trailers for their new shows. Some looked very good (hello, The Hostages!) and some, well, make us sadder for Will Arnett than Up All Night ever did (The Millers).
The network seems to be staying close to their current formula of bawdy comedies (We Are Men could just as easily be called We Are Two and a Half Men) and glossy procedurals starring Lost alums (Intelligence). But, hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. CBS is also going heavy on star power in the 2013 fall season, nabbing the likes of Robin Williams, Kelly Clarkson, and Sarah Michelle Gellar. All on the same show, no less.
Here are the previews for all the new CBS series and our first impressions of them. Hopefully the network will release the inspired Les Mis parody they did with the cast of How I Met Your Mother in which they croon "One Year More." Seriously legendary.
The HostagesHow they'll turn this into an entire series, we have no idea, but we're already hooked. This intense drama, centered around a doctor (the great Toni Collette) unwillingly put in a Presidential assassination plot by a baddie (Dylan McDermott), looks like a truly well-made thriller.
The Crazy OnesRobin Williams, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Kelly Clarkson, and James Wolk all shill for McDonalds. Wait, is this why Bob Benson is at Sterling Cooper? He's a mole!
IntelligenceJosh Holloway has the Internet in his brain, or something. Poor guy. It's going to be mostly Lost spoilers in there.
Mom Joining CBS' Mom-day night lineup (get it?!) is the latest from Chuck Lorre, in which Anna Faris plays a recovering alcoholic single mother. Yes, it's a comedy. But, hey, the always-great Allison Janney is there, so that's something.
We Are MenThey are men. Two of those men are Tony Shaloub and Jerry O'Connell and they say and do crass things because, you know, they are men. CBS knows where their bread is buttered.
The Millers Sadly, this isn't a spin-off of Margo Martindale's New Girl Miller mama, rather a new comedy in which she plays Will Arnett's mom who farts a lot. Beau Bridges and JB Smoove star in it as well. They do not appear to be farting.
Under the DomeNot quite as funny as The Simpsons movie, but Dean Norris is there so that's awesome! Spielberg is bringing the mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's classic story to the small screen this June.
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