Being a Girl...Becoming a Woman

As girls make that all important transition in adolescence, that really has no official start date or end date, they can be somewhat overwhelmed with all of the change that occurs. I know I was horrified at knowing there was this impending day that would arrive where I would begin to bleed and having no idea when that was going to be. I spent a good 3 years turning around and checking the back of my school dress every time I stood up not knowing if one day it would be stained with blood and I would be humiliated in front of my class mates, my teacher and indeed it felt like the whole school! Thankfully it didn't happen like this but I still did feel enormous embarrassment and shame at having my period and it was certainly something that I kept very secret. As well as the array of physical and emotional changes that happen, of which there are many, around this time, girls are looking and searching for a way to be in the world. Their body is maturing and they can feel the pull towards womanhood and naturally look for what this actually means. In today's world, girls are bombarded with messages of what this could mean. From the ever concerning images in our media landscape that unapologetically objectify and sexualise women, to the fast driven, fast paced and exhausted women that may be very much a part of their lives, the message that girls are getting is confusing to say the least and overall one that tells them that it is not ok to simply be themselves.

So this time in a girls life, where she is becoming a woman, is pivotal in her development. She is setting herself up for what lays ahead, so as the adults in their lives we have a very crucial part to play.

5 ways to support girls through this transition

1. Opening up conversations. Be real and honest and share your stories. This is a beautiful way to connect and show the young girls in your life that it is ok to be vulnerable. You may have a story about when you first got your period and how that was for you. And even how you've experienced it since. The subject of periods is still taboo, so the more we can talk about it and expose the shame, guilt and ideas of it being a curse or an inconvenience, the easier it will be for our girls to begin to see what a blessing their cycle is and how it is such a normal and beautiful part of being a woman. Find out about cervical mucous and vaginal discharge and talk about how this is something very normal. Talk about the emotional changes that can sometimes be difficult to navigate yet often alleviated when talked about and understood. 2. Keeping a diaryEncouraging her to keep a diary or a journal where she can express how she feels and where she develops her relationship with herself. This is especially supportive if she is following the days of her cycle, so she can start to feel how her cycle is there to support her. Keeping track of yourown cycle so that you are developing your own relationship with yourself makes it all the more powerful. The Our Cycles app is the number 1 tool when it comes to tracking cycles - for menstruating and menopausal women as well as for men! 3. Finding a mentorIt is always a huge bonus if there are other women in her life that she trusts and can open up to. This way she has the beautiful opportunity of many reflections. The Girl to Woman Project has programs specifically designed to support girls at this time, run by women who are committed to their own growth and development. Girls will cover topics through the program that include body image, periods, puberty, media messages, relationships, healthy eating and self-love. 4. CelebrationSimply celebrating who she is, not for anything that she might do or how she may look, but simply for the precious girl and young woman that she is and always will be. Often parents can change their perception of girls as they become a woman and unconsciously see them as 'all grown up' which they are, but the truth is, we never grow out of the precious quality we see in every baby and young girl. Even as women we still have this and many women now are finding their way back and wondering why they ever left. When a girl is celebrated for simply being herself, she will thrive in the most beautiful and fulfilling way, reflecting her innate beauty to the world. 5. Supporting ourselvesAnd finally but most importantly, the more we are able to support ourselves, as women and as men, the more we will be able to be there for our girls. We also deserve to be celebrated for who we are, so feeling and knowing our own value and worth is a key ingredient. Be practical and start with connection. The Gentle Breath Meditation being the number 1 tool for this! Our connection to ourselves is paramount and is the beginning of what could be a very real and honest relationship with ourselves. Then there really is no limit to how this can support those around us...

Thank you Sara for this very informative article. I love the practicality and realness offered in the 5 tips you have presented. I have a nearly 11 year old daughter and I am finding the more connected I am to myself the more open I am to having conversations that in the past I may have felt were a little awkward. I am learning that I don't have to plan the conversations or make them perfect, I simply need to be honest and honouring of myself and my daughter and then the conversation is lovely, light and exactly what my daughter needs. We are having much fun talking about many topics, dinner in our house is never boring :) Thank you for all the support you are are offering, you are very inspiring.

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Kate Robson

30/6/2015 08:34:03 am

Sara this is a great article. I feel like the best thing I can do with my 10 year old daughter is talk to her about everything. I was kind of keeping her protected from what is happening for teenagers until I realised that will be her in a few years and I want her to be as prepared as possible for what is going on. We talk about all sorts of things, if I read an article about abusive behaviour (like that article about 12 year olds having rough sex in the woman's weekly recently) or drinking teens - whatever it is I read it to her now and we have a talk about what is going on for kids. Every night when I put her to bed we debrief the day and some nights we look at the our cycles app together putting in our day and talking it through. I also love how you talk about us supporting ourselves, as women, not getting lost in the business that surrounds us, staying connected with ourselves and what we need. All of what you have written in this article makes a massive difference to how everyone in the family is feeling. Thanks Sara.

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Felicity

31/8/2015 05:56:48 am

HI Sara, this is great supportive and simple info for woman to support them with their daughters during a transition in life. Thanks Kate for your sharing of how you do this practically with your daughter at home. I too share any conversations with my girls about girls up and what that involves. They share about whats going on at school and how they see girls around them responding to pressures. Through talking about this we can all find ways to have clarity, stay connected with ourselves and know what is right for us in situations that present.

Thank you Sara , reading this has opened me up as to what I felt when having my period . It was to make share no blood was on my clothing and to wear a tampon so it would plug up the flow of the bleed as I felt pads were not comfortable and you could see them though your clothing and not know the long term effect tampon's have on our body and not allowing the blood to flow. Even when having a tampon in the pain could be so uncomfortable most of the time and still I put one in my body. And not know the long term damage it can do to our body's. So opening up the conversation with having your period for girls and women, real inspiring 5 tips in this Article .

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Peta Lehane

21/9/2015 02:29:31 pm

Thank you Sara, this helps me to feel how much a role model I am as a mother and that it's a beautiful responsibility when lived openly and with understanding. My girls are now 15 and I realise that I could've been a lot more supportive earlier on but that it's never too late to just be with them, lightly and without any attachment, so that our innate wisdom can be felt and shared.

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Sara Harris

Sara Harris is a complementary women's health specialist practising in Caulfield and Viewbank, Melbourne. She is the founder of a number of Programs for Girls and Women including the Girl to Woman Project. For more about Sara see About Sara Harris.