Pay the debt to improve

Just writing in because I can't read the threads in the main forum anymore. I try my hardest to let people in to what I'm trying to say but sadly, its just words on a page. I want to tell them, that this is a FRACTION, a moment in your life. Live moment by moment.

I don't like repeating how my life turned around for the better, but, it just sucks. I can't help these lives. They are in their own danger, and the safety zone is often never in sight. Until it is....when it comes you come out stronger.

Fuck....I try because I owe. A debt needs to be paid because of how my life turned out. I survived the suicide tries, anxiety, depression, to come out to be a leader, volunteering at two centers, making my own meetup.com orginization, and being successful at my job. It's the least i can truly do.

But it's so hard. My real life is the best it can be. I'm making a difference. But this place is different. I made my own thread in the suicide forum, about hope, and i thought it went through to these people. It got good replies, but, like always after it's off the front page, its a goner. It gets inundated with that of sad lives of everyday people.

What can we do guys? We have to help these people! My counselor says that the mistake young therapists make is that they feel they have to save people. But c'mon I have nothing to lose. I've been thru the worst, now i want to strive to be the best person i can be.

hm...various thoughts inundate me regarding how I important I may consider myself to be. Can my voice be heard. What makes my voice different from all the other supporting voices on these forums? Are we getting heard guys??

ah....well in a nutshell, medication, talk therapy and my own self will...

I improved by dedicating my life to finding out ways to appreciate it. That's what I know. I feel the keys to overall hapiness is: leadership, fullfillment and social ability. I'm a leader by not ordering people around, but rather, being sure and assertive of myself to the point where i don't look in the past. I organized a meetup.com group that meets every thursday about overcoming shyness. I volunteer at a domestic violence shelter talking to kids about positive things. I also volunteer at a psychological center about to start my own group called by the same name."overcoming shyness"

This all contributes to leadership and fulfillment. By going thrugh these experiences and also getting a job and going to school, this has enhanced my social ability, which i feel is a big key to life. To be able to speak your thoughts by actually going out to socialize, however hard it may be, will no doubt make you into a better person. By learning to socialize and listen, you will learn new perspectives, outlooks and cocepts all related to life.

You start to realize, that life is something that can be possible. Possible. Fufilling to the point at being at peace with oneself. I find one method here, a little off topic but, writing down your weaknesses and being aware of them rather then falling victim to them, is half the battle to overcome those personal faults. One personal fault of mine is resentment. I hold resentment toward people because something i didnt say. But always, the feeling of resentment passes, and i forgive them, or i forgive me rather, for having that feeling. I'm aware that I need to work on being honest to people without thinking that i'm being offending or hurting their feelings. Because resentment can lead to self aggression or passive aggression toward that other person.

The backbone for me is medication. prescribed by a doctor who has your best interest at heart. I'm diagnosed with bipolar and in a way it's easier to treat then say, schiztophrenia or ocd because its a mood disorder, not a disease where it changes your personality or your own truths.

It's possible guys. You have nothing to lose here except a potentially better life. Forget about the stigma of medication, or the rare side affects of possibly being MORE sucidal. Well there is an easy answer for this. You have to, i mean have to, have a trust worthy doctor who you can communicate with. He has to be a friend. So if you ever feel suicidal to a point after a period of decent time, then just call your doctor, and he'll adjust the meds. You have to have a open minded doctor of course but nonetheless he'll become your life saver.

A therapist for me was another key that i improved. You don't need a therapist really, just someone you can talk to who just listens and offers insight. All a therapist is offering a new point of view, but he has a lot of schooling where his advice is well taken. you have to find a therapist who is also a friend. Don't give up guys. This is your life we're talking about. Not some thing where you're afraid to do something because of what other people think. Who cares. Just do it! I may seem overbearing, but i just want you guys to take a chance to improve.

Hmm... well I don't know what to say to that.. I don't have health insurance and can't really afford a psychiatrist and therapist right now, let alone medication. Even if I did, I probably couldn't tell a psychiatrist what was wrong with me, so it seems kind of hopeless.