Here Are Pictures Of A 19th Century Man Demonstrating What He Believes Are The 5 Stages Of Inebriation

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What we do in life echoes through eternity. One man, one pioneering gentleman, reached across time to alcoholics who have already passed, to those who live now, and to the ones who have yet to be born and will someday over-imbibe in space whiskey. This man’s legacy truly does echo through eternity. He demonstrated to the world that humanity has always had the same problems, anxieties, dreams, and, of course, desire to get pants-shittingly drunk and wildly offend everyone around him, both friend and stranger. It’s times like these that you just feel connected to the past, you know?

In a series of photos taken during the 19th Century to exemplify the effects of alcohol, stage by stage, on a person, one man demonstrates exactly what the 1800s rager looked like as his night progressed. Let’s examine.

Stage 1

Here, we have a fine, upstanding gentleman. “I’ll have an ale, good sir!” he most likely said to the barkeep. “And, what the hell? How about a shooter of whiskey as well.” It’s a nice start to the night.

Stage 2

He’s already pretty shitfaced, actually. To be fair, people in the 19th Century were smaller and had somewhat meager diets. They couldn’t down half a pizza and a Gatorade before hitting the town and consuming three times the weight of their liver in alcohol. They just weren’t as physically impressive of drinkers. It’s like comparing a 5 foot 3, 140 pound shortstop from 1877 to Troy Tulowizki. They’re not even on the same planet.

Stage 3

Basically Stage 2, except “Turn Down For What” started playing. Fun Fact: That’s exactly what I look like when grinding on a girl. Get at me, ladies.

Stage 4

He’s near the end of the night at this point. In modern times, you’d replace a wheelbarrow with a fast food booth and $15 worth of food, but otherwise, the style of sitting remains unchanged.

Stage 5

Some things never change.

Unfortunately, these pictures were not taken as some back room tavern amusement, but rather for much more evil purposes: an anti-drinking campaign in Wales as a part of the temperance movement, which encouraged abstention from alcohol. Whatever, dicks. The drinkers won, and now we get to laugh at your photos.

Rob Fox (né Bacon) is Director of Video Content and a Senior Writer for Total Frat Move, Rowdy Gentleman, and Post Grad Problems. He is a graduate, without honors, from the University of Missouri. His fake best-selling novel series, The Frat Romance Novel, has been self-described as a "pioneering achievement in satirical erotica." Rob is originally from St. Louis, and currently lives in Austin, Texas. He still has not admitted to his family what he does for a living, and is prone to having wet nightmares ever since losing his virginity in a haunted house. Email: rob@grandex.co