Post navigation

News: Battlefield Yes!

Well, that did not take long. Information about Pokemon Let’s Go! only leaked last week, and already it has this week been confirmed for trash. Last week many people had reservations about Let’s Go! on account of suggestions that the game would feature many influences from the mobile title Pokemon Go. It turns out that this was not only true, but it also manifested itself in a way that was much worse than even the naysayers were predicting.

The visuals are HD now, but very bland compared to a proper entry in the series.

As the leaks suggested, players will capture Pokemon in a similar way to Pokemon Go, and requires extensive use of the Switch’s motion control capabilities.

“Much like previous Pokemon games, you’ll approach Pokemon on the overworld (although you’ll be able to see them in plane sight), but you won’t battle them. Instead, you’ll be presented with a screen very similar to Pokemon GO to catch them and have them join your journey. How you throw the Pokeball effects your chance of being able to catch them, much like it does in the mobile game.”

Last week Pokemon fans were not at all happy about this news, but few then realised that a further consequence of this would be the fact that players will not even be able to get into battles with wild Pokemon. The way that Pokemon Let’s Go! players will level up their Pokemon is through the experience that is awarded each time a player catches a Pokemon. The only battles in the game will be against rival Pokemon trainers.

To wrap this whole shit sandwich up in a nice bow is Nintendo’s decision to launch a new peripheral alongside the game, which is essentially a Pokeball with motion-sensing capabilities, a joystick, and one button. Ergonomic! Nintendo would not want to scare off all of the millions of people who they are planning to bring over from Pokemon Go by requiring them to use too many buttons! Apparently one button is enough buttons to perform any task required of the player in Pokemon Let’s Go!! Who is even still playing Pokemon Go?!

The one saving grace in all of this is that Nintendo has already stated that Pokemon Let’s Go! is not the next legit generation of Pokemon. Instead Let’s Go! occupies the same space as highly derivative Pokemon titles like Omega Ruby and Alpha Saphire, which is to say that these games are reimaginings of older games in the series, and are intended as a stopgap while the Pokemon Company finishes up work on the next proper entry. That said, just because the games are a stopgap, that did not mean they had to be shitty – and so that is all on Nintendo!

Let’s Go! is set to be shitted onto the market on November 16th of this year, just in time to ruin Christmas for Pokemon fans. Nintendo claims that the next generation of Pokemon will be released for Switch sometime in 2019.

Battlefield Yes!

Last year we saw the Swedish cucks at MachineGames inject leftist poz into Wolfenstein II, and watched as it swirled down the toilet bowl of obscurity. Last week we saw the release of the first ever Star Wars film that will lose money, and again it was full of poz. Now in a completely unrelated turn of events we have seen the Swecucks at DICE unveil their new World War II shooter, Battlefield V, which stars a one-armed English slapper wearing neon blue facepaint – just like in olden times! Needless to say series fans who shunned futuristic wall-running are just delighted about this super accurate technicolour reboot of one of humanity’s most zany and madcap chapters!

This will teach those no good Drumpf voters!

So apparently having a hook hand at the end of a prosthetic arm is no impediment to firing a gun. Who knew? In all honesty the neon speckled ‘soldiers’ and their Mad Max uniforms depicted in Battlefield V‘s debut trailer look much more like characters from a steampunk game than anything that might have been seen during the game’s ostensible historical period. DICE honestly seem to have missed a trick by not making their disabled lesbian thot protagonist also be black! Apparently EA/DICE felt that Battlefield was too big to fail, because they seem to have done everything in their power in order to hand an easy win to Activision and Call of Duty.

It seems likely that part of the fallout from Battlefield V‘s reveal could have been mitigated if DICE had managed expections before the game’s big reveal. They could have said that their game was an alternate universe comic book style depiction of WWII before they released the trailer. Instead they gave the trailer a cold release, and then preceeded to talk about it as though it were a completely orthodox WWII FPS:

“We want Battlefield V to represent all those who were a part of the greatest drama in human history, and give players choice to choose and customize the characters they play with. Our commitment as a studio is to do everything we can to create games that are inclusive and diverse. We always set out to push boundaries and deliver unexpected experiences. But above all, our games must be fun”

“I would say, on a high level, it’s the most immersive Battlefield to date. And with that we really mean that we always work to make you feel perceived realism – we never go for full realism – but it is being there on the battlefield with destruction fortification. It is that interactive battlefield with dragging soldiers, body revive, throwing back grenades, shooting out grenades; and then the movement set. So all of this together with the visual/audio-scape means the sandbox is more dynamic than ever. You don’t have to be the best twitch player to enjoy it – I’m turning 50 this year and I’m definitely not!

“All of us have yearned for years for the possibility to go back to this era, to go back to where Battlefield started. This is really the war that forged the modern world, science and man. It also has an endless amount of stories to be told … and allows us to challenge our preconceptions of the second world war.”

Yah, nothing adds to ‘immersion’ and ‘perceived realism’ quite like blue faced lesbian cripples! Instead of trying to contextualise the game in a way that does not appear to make a mockery of the Second World War, the studio is instead LARPing as though they have created a biographical depiction of the event! Making this situation even more delicious is the fact that the SJW shills of GameJournoPros have of course been pulling double duty propagandising for this disaster with pieces like “Oh No, There Are Women In Battlefield V“, “Battlefield 5 fans are mad the game has bright colors, female soldiers“, and this author’s personal favourite “Battlefield V fans who failed history are mad that the game has women in it” – because goodness knows that the fact that a minuscule number of women filled combat roles in a tiny number of very specific circumstances during WWII is the exact same thing as painted up British tarts serving on the front line! Replacing entertainment with propaganda has been on an epic losing streak for the past few years, and as such the game’s release this October cannot come soon enough!

PUBG Sues Fortnight

The hilarious online court battle of Maddox V Dick Masterson has just been concluded, and it appears that a pinch faced Brendan Greene has been taking notes on Maddox’s pettiness. The similarities are almost eerie: Maddox sued Dick Masterson for taking his girl and making a more successful podcast, while PlayerUnknown is suing Epic for taking ‘their idea’ and making a more successful video game!

PUBG lost all its players to Fortnight.

It is not PlayerUnknown’s idea though. Last man standing has long been a mode in multiplayer shooters, and the only difference between last man standing and battle royale is a matter of scale.The battle royale genre was created by Minecraft in 2012 with their ‘Hunger Games’ game mode. The only aspect that PlayerUnknown has contributed to the genre is the idea to randomise weapon locations instead of placing all the weapons in centralised cache locations. Minecraft created the genre, PlayerUnknown then took that idea and refined it, and then Epic took that refined idea and added constructible defenses to it.

This is how video game development works. If developers were able to just copyright entire genres then Capcom never would have made Street Fighter II because Technos beat them to implementing a 2 player VS mode in Double Dragon. Brendan Greene is just super bitter at Epic Games for taking his audience, but really if he was being honest then he would have to direct that anger towards himself for wrecking his own game. There is just something so magical about watching truly wretched creatures getting BTFO’d in a court of law, so this South Korean court battle cannot be tried soon enough!