Thursday, May 24, 2012

I woke up this morning on the last day of packing
to head back down south. Bloomington has not been altogether unkind to
me, but if I had only known that it was my skin color that prevented my
peers, my own 'white' peers from accepting me and my art, I would have
saved myself a lot of pain and wasted energy. My best friend Eric is
coming over later to help me finish painting the house. Once this
feverish explosion of energy finally wore off, I was told to separate
the last of the items in the three upstairs bedrooms. All that's left
are old family pictures of people who are unrecognizably transformed,
but thankfully all still living. The Hutchinson family is still alive.
I have taken great time and great care in separating what I want to
take, and what I want to leave behind. Now the movers, who are working
on a deadline are telling me pick out which paintings go to my dad's new
house and his new life in Ithaca, New York and which of my paintings go
back with me and my Mom to his old life Oak Ridge, TN. What is
strange, is that I've finally been able to let go of any preconceived
notion of what success is and how it is defined. What is strange, is
that I've hit that moment of surrender after the last fervent
expenditure of energy that hits young artists who are entering their
30's. I am not afraid of the next wave. I am not afraid of the ones
who left me behind. I am not afraid of anything but God now, and I have
done my best to earn his Forgiveness. I feel like this is normally the
point of a person's life where they look back and decide that to
surrender to Destiny is to fail. That the struggle is pointless. I
have surrendered to Destiny, but I have not resigned to failure. It is
impossible for me to do so. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. I have
not committed suicide as many often do, I have not discarded my
paintings as many often do. The only thing that I have surrendered is
the desperate belief that I too was White. The only thing that I hold
onto is the present moment, and the urgency with which I have to abandon
this town that has turned so fully against me and flee once more to
secluded territory where I can be with my Mom and my Grandma in her
twilight years. I have surrendered at last once and for all. But it
was not in defeat, it has been in the knowledge that I have already won
the battle, my put down my arms, and look over all that I have worked so
hard to achieve.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

As the light arises from the sun,
still in the fire of its dawn,
Honor follows its luminous train.
The prince is back in favor.
In its wake, ever follow,
Grace and Victory.
He has all the rebels dancing,
a son per family won over.
They find you talented,
but your luck could quickly change.
A pity.

Favor, reknown and peace.
now all join in the universal chorus.
to celebrate he who
with his divine rays
brings down to earth
Life and Light.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Because a tree can not move
a tree can not defend itself
even though it is very large
a tree has only one duty
to be a tree
a tree can not entertain you
a tree can not tell you what to do
a tree can not take orders
a tree can only be a tree
a tree can only be itself
all the tree has to offer is shade from the sun
if you hurt the tree or take from the tree
no one will say anything
because it's just a tree
a tree is not a person
BUT, the tree can drop a branch on you
for no reason
and then what do you do?
you don't BLAME the tree
the tree didn't do it on purpose
it's just a tree
BUT
it makes you think about what you have done
if you did something wrong
perhaps the tree can show you
if you did something right
perhaps the tree can tell you what it is
but you must not hurt the tree
if you have to cut it down
you have to ask it's permission
because the tree is there to help you
and never to harm you.