"No, she's FAT."

My mom, at dinner tonight, was talking about how my niece -her granddaughter- is "a pig" who eats everything, wants to eat everyones food, and is fat. She's 5 years old. And, really, not fat - NOT that it makes a difference, but I think it makes it far worse that the little girl is actually a healthy size. I'd post a pic, but it's not my child or else I would.
I responded to her and said that I don't think she's fat, and besides, she's 5 years old and that I feel like calling her fat is setting it up for her to have body image issues, and possiby an eating disorder down the road. She replied "Change the subject. change the subject." I said that I'd like to have a conversation about it (since I am also raising a daughter, and feel strongly about healthy body image). She said "No. chaaaange the subject."
So we did.
I am so infuriated that she would talk this way about a 5 year old. She also told me a couple of days ago that she told her that if she keeps eating pretzels, she's going to get a fat belly.WTF?!?!?! She will talk about my nephews (the girls brothers) eating habits (which are the same) as being a "healthy appetite" & "such good eaters." Boys who eat a lot are healthy eaters but little girls who eat a lot are pigs.

Have any of you dealt with MILS or Mothers who talk to your DDs like this? What to do??? My DD is only 1 (and she has made comments to me already about how nice it is that DD doesn't have chunky thighs like a lot of babies). I feel like she is incredibly hard to talk to, and gets defensive when I speak my mind (even though I consciously do so very gently and non accusatorily, which I learned howto do bc see's always gotten so offended by me when I've tried to speak my mind - I thought I was very rude, but now I know I am not...).

Any advice, ladies?

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Loving Momma to Fiona, born 9.26.2011expecting baby brother in March 2013!

Comments (62)

Add me to the list of growing up with a mother who constantly judged me based on my weight. She took me to Jenny Craig at 11 years old. I wasn't even heavy! I developed before the other kids, and I guess having boobs and some hips made me fat! I would sneak food because I knew one bite of a cookie, and I'd get the disapproving look and "Do you really need that??" She made my sister and I have horrible self esteem growing up, and my sister still has major major food issues, and she's 34 now. Somehow I was able to move past it, and learn to love myself later in life, but my sister just can't. She exercises constantly and barely eats. I have two daughters. I've told my mom if she ever makes a negative comment about either of their weight, just ONE, she is done. I will not allow that crap to permeate my kids feelings about their bodies.

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She was a brave woman who faced the Moby Dick of poops, and lost. - Ashley's Closet

As someone who has struggled with anorexia for the last, oh, 13 ish years, this makes me nauseous. This makes me so upset. I didn't have someone telling me I was fat, or pushing me to exercise, or watching what I ate like a hawk. I've never been overweight. But I still ended up with an eating disorder. Society puts enough pressure on little girls (and boys) to look a certain way. They don't need to hear it from people who are supposed to love them unconditionally.

Cut her off. Never let her spew her poison on your precious baby.

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C+J=H 2012 + Baby 8-15-15

Don't hold your breath on the BHB forgetting. Elephants come to the BHB to train to improve their memory.---Paranoid Libra

No. You need to address you did head on. When you did she stopped. So keep doing that. Eventually she will face the issue or not talk about it.

My LO was big in the womb and came out at 9 lbs 10 oz. My sister would joke and call her godizlla baby, my sitter once called her fatty and so did her kids. ( shes a great eater at 15 months and im proud but shes also in the 50 percentile for weight). I put a stop to it. Shes still young but I dont want her to hear it and thinks its normal or okay.

This is SUCH a hot topic for my DH. He will glare pure evil at ANYONE that says my daughter is fat, or anything less than beautiful.

I can't even call her a chunk a munk when she's in bed. He'll retort "she's perfectly built and gorgeous. I don't like that... even when you're being cutesy and she thinks it's cutesy... don't put that in her head. Ever."

and he's right. She is perfect and beautiful. I had to come up w/something different to say.

I had an aunt once tell me "Oh you should try those " when a commercial for diet pills came on I had to be around 8 and it stuck with me ever since ( I do not like this aunt ) also my dsd is big for her age but she goes thru phases when she has growth spurts she gets chunky and then stretches out.Well bm took dsd to her great grand father's house and he said to bm "why are you letting her get fat like you?" Now I'm not besties with BM but I was so offended by that not just for her but my dsd people need to keep their stupid opinions to themselves!

This is totally a HTDO for me. I'm a therapist and I specialize in working with women and girls who struggle with eating disorders, body images issues, self-esteem issues, etc. It is utter bullshit like this that lands dozens and dozens of girls/women in my office every week! We already live in a culture that dehumanizes and shames women for being anything other than an impossible ideal, so we certainly don't need to be hearing that from people who have power and influence over us as children.

I would absolutely stop being nice and tactful to her and start being strict and deadly serious over any body shaming comment she uttered in front of me. "Mom, I will not tolerate that kind of toxic waste being spewed around my daughter. If you ever say anything like that again to her, or even around her, you will NEVER see her again."

As for your poor niece, if you get a chance, and she's old enough to understand, I would pull her aside and tell her that she is perfect just the way she is. Really reinforce some positive messages about her body and her sense of self. Sometimes it's the one or two positive voices that kids hear that help them create resiliency to the other dozen voices that are screaming how unacceptable their bodies are.

I was referred to as the Michelin Tire Girl as a baby, I was remided about it my whole life. I was bulimic in high school and in recovering have become overweight. Small things can affect lifetimes.

My (now) CO Brother posted "It's good to see that the "Micheline Tire Girl" genetics have been successfully passed on." On the picture of my DD sitting for the first time. Fuck him. He will never be allowed to make her feel bad no matter what she weighs.

My Mom destroyed my body image. I can not correctly see myself. I try but all I see if the fat person that she always told me I was.

When she started in with that crap with my oldest, who would be termed skinny, it was the beginnning of the end.

CO. I don't believe there is any way to correct or "fix" your Mom, without her taking an active interest in being a better person and intensive counseling. CO. She WILL start on your DD, and she doesn't need to grow up hearing that crap.

Keep your child away from herald advise your sister to do the same. When I was just about 4 or 5, someone (my parents have no clue) told me that if I ate then I would get fat like my mommy and daddy (they were both overweight). So I stopped eating. And not the normal picky eater thing either. For weeks my mother nearly force fed me. She would try so hard to get me to eat and I would maybe take a bite of the sandwich she made for me. The doctor monitored me but said that all she could do at the time was try to get me to eat whatever she could. Eventually she had friends and family comment on how skinny I was looking and how bad it looked (probably not the best thing to do since it only reinforced a mindset focused on looks, but my mom was desperate). Luckily I eventually started eating again, but I continue to have a very negative self image. What your mother is doing is psychological abuse, and I would keep my children away from her.