The Game Plan DVD Review

The Rock shows us his softer side in this mediocre Disney comedy.

There may be no movie star I love more than Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson. Since we first spoke at the junket for The Scorpion King, no one else on Hollywood's A-list has surprised me as often or in so many unexpected ways. From The Rundown's reluctant bounty hunter to Be Cool's bouncer-crooner to Gridiron Gang's coach-cheerleader, he has always tackled new and different roles with the same intelligence and sensitivity that earned him the title of "People's Champion" when he was a professional wrestler. Mind you, there are no doubt better actors -- some of whom he has already worked with -- but almost none of them possess the sincere enthusiasm and star quality that Johnson brings to each new challenge.

Which is why I was surprised to discover that The Game Plan is even more awful than I expected. In the film, Johnson plays Joe Kingman, the star quarterback for a Boston football team who quite literally opens his penthouse door one day to discover that he has an 8-year-old daughter. Her name is Payton (Madison Pettis), and she is exactly as precocious as an 8-year-old would be if she magically appeared on her long lost father's penthouse doorstep. Dispensing sage advice to any and all within earshot, she soon charms Joe, his teammates and friends, and a local ballet instructor named Monique Vasquez (Roselyn Sanchez) who coincidentally would be perfect for her newly-discovered papa -- if only he'll settle down and learn to put others ahead of himself…

Blah blah blah. To paraphrase David Spade, I liked this movie the first time I saw it -- when it was called Kindergarten Cop. There is not a single original idea or element in this story, from Joe's proud (and therefore condemnable) bachelorhood to Payton's sassy (and therefore acceptable) irreverence. And worse yet, the film seems so single-minded in its pursuit of the absolute most conventional emotional payoffs that it doesn't bother to handle these well-worn cliches with anything more than a linebacker's sense of delicacy.

To show us how Payton upsets Joe's life, for example, we see her essentially destroy a series of his prized trophies -- she bedazzles a game-winning football -- and yet somehow he is the bad guy for blowing his top. In fact, the only thing in more dire need of boundaries and restrictions than Payton is the lid to Joe's food processor, which predictably wanders off so that the machine can spray green goo all over him and his pristine kitchen. I suppose I understand why a Disney movie would not actually feature a father spanking his child, but has our culture gone so soft that any kind of discipline is considered inappropriate? Perhaps my definition of misbehavior is different from that of actual parents, but as far as I'm concerned any kid who lies to her parent in order to run off -- much less to find a father who never knew she existed -- is in dire need of some kind of punishment.

Regardless, it's literally through sheer force of will that Johnson makes any of this remotely bearable -- to anyone over the age of eight, anyway. Few actors I can think of will leap headfirst into a humiliating situation for the sake of a silly punch line, but he always does so with wild abandon -- whether he's affecting a ridiculous lisp because of a cinnamon allergy or simply embracing the absurdity of being a "Rock"-sized guy in a universe of little girls. In fact, so convinced is he that what he's doing works, we almost believe it too -- almost. There's so much sincerity behind his eyes as he worriedly reassures Payton that he loves her, it's a shame the performance couldn't have found its way into a better movie.

Ultimately my concerns and criticisms will mean precious little to the box office numbers for the film because: (A) I am not its target audience; and (B) a movie like this is essentially review-proof. (Look at the numbers for Vin Diesel's The Pacifier versus its Rotten Tomatoes approval rating and tell me I'm wrong.) But movies like this always seem like wasted opportunities because they really could have been something more… or at least more interesting. What if instead of melting at the sight of her big brown eyes, Joe used Payton to play up his family-friendly image, and subsequently, to seduce single moms?

These are adventures the filmmakers understandably would never have chosen, but at least they would have demonstrated some amount of effort on their part rather than simply acquiescing to every formula and cliché in the service of assured commercial success. In any case, the inevitable triumph that The Game Plan will enjoy says at least a little bit about why Dwayne Johnson's pseudonym was The Rock, even if he uses it less and less frequently these days: He can easily weather even the worst conditions and emerge unscathed. Suffice it to say that I'll give the benefit of the doubt to just about any movie he makes, but let's hope for his sake (and mine) that his future efforts are more solid than this one.