Welcome

Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and
others concerned about HIV/AIDS. Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the
conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning: Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive
and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a
username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own
physician.

All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators
of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please
provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are
true and correct to their knowledge.

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the
symbol in each box.

Welcome to Am I Infected

IMPORTANT UPDATE
Posted Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Welcome to the "Am I Infected?" POZ forum.

New members -- those who have posted three or fewer messages -- are permitted to post questions and responses, free of charge (make them count!). Ongoing participation in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- posting more than three questions or responses -- requires a paid subscription.

A seven-day subscription
is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Am I Infected?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with
secure payments made via PayPal.

There will be no charge to continue reading threads in the
"Am I Infected?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating
in any of the Main Forums; Meds, Mind, Body & Benefits; and Off Topic
Forums. Similarly, all POZ and AIDSmeds pages,
including our "How is HIV
Transmitted?" and "Am I Infected? (A
Guide to Testing for HIV)" lessons, will remain accessible to
all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Am I
Infected?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account
to participate beyond three posts in the "Am I Infected?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding
and future support of the best online support service for people living with,
affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author
Topic: How much risk am I in? (Read 29844 times)

I fucked a guy 11 days, 21 hours, 39 min ago. He told me he was sure that he was clean and that he was tested in Dec. I felt I could trust him, so I fucked him bareback. He had just douched (not sure if that reduced the risk). I rimmed him, then fucked him nonstop till I came inside his ass, then I left. I fucked him I'd say around 10 min. I didn't suck him he didn't suck me, it was quick because his roommate was going to be home soon. That's all we did. A few days ago I was talking to my poz friend and I told him about the guy I met. He told me that the guy I met is hiv+ and that he lied to me about being neg! Yes, I trust my friend. He said that the guy I met wanted my hiv+ friend to breed him.

I know its less risky to top than to bottom bare. I'm wondering how much risk I was in. I don't have any STD's and I did not have any cuts or anything on my dick. I'm cut (I know its a bit more risky if you're uncut). The guy seemed like an experienced bottom. He was not tight. I doubt there where any tears in his ass.

Was the risk high enough that I should get a NAT hiv test? Should I just wait and get tested in a month? Then again each month for the next 8 months? I'm scared to death about having fucked a poz guy bareback. But I don't know if its worth it to pay to get the NAT test done. Is there a place where the NAT test is free?

You need to remember this...to agree to have unprotected sex is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI.

The earliest you can test is six weeks past the last incident.

The vast majority of people who are going to seroconvert and test positive will do so by six weeks, and a six week negative result is unlikely to change, but it must be confirmed at three months, there are no short-cuts to conclusively knowing your hiv status.

You also need to test for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are much easier to transmit than hiv. You can test for most of these at around two weeks following unprotected sex.

Are you stupid or what? Of course you had a risk. Get tested at 3 months and your results will be conclusive.

I know I'm at risk now, I'm wondering how much. I didn't ask IF, I asked how much. A friend of mine fucked his hiv+ bf bareback for over a year and he didn't get it because he was just the top. Before doing it he talked to his doctor about how you get infected with hiv. The doctor didn't say "its safe to bareback if you just top," he told him how hiv was spread and from that info my friend on his own decided to bareback his hiv+ bf. He told him the main ways to get it are from blood and cum. The bottom is at extreme risk since the top is depositing bodily fluids (precum, cum) in the bottom. But the top is at significantly less risk. He fucked him bb for over a year and he's still neg. He had this bf years ago, so its safe to say he did not get it after fucking him on a regular basis for over a year. I'm not saying I'm condoning what he did. It was his decision, although I thought he was crazy at the time. Still do, but, he didn't get it though from fucking his bf bareback on a regular basis for over a year. He was never the bottom, just the top.

Another friend of mine that is a total top (a guy that only tops), said that his fuck buddy (a guy he has sex with on a regular basis, but is not his bf) tested positive. Fuck buddies are not exclusive, so the bottom was with other guys. He was scared and got tested. He also did not get it from just being a top.

In the 80's all porn was bareback. Almost all the gay porn stars from that era ended up with aids. They where all tops and bottoms in porn. Jeff Stryker is one of the few gay porn stars from that time that only topped. He must have fucked tons of hiv+ guys over all those years he did bareback gay porn, and since he just topped, he also did not get it.

There are plenty of hiv positive "total tops" in the other section of the forum. I'm sure they'd be shaking their heads in "total dismay" at you.

You have had a risk. Asking precisely "how much" risk is like asking how long is a piece of string. Hopefully you'll be ok, but only testing will tell.

Like it or not, you need to start using condoms with ANYONE. Asking a person's hiv status doesn't always work because some will lie and some only ASSUME they're hiv negative. You keep thinking you can serosort as an hiv negative man and you won't stay hiv negative for long. Trust me. You will end up positive, sooner or later. If you've been barebackinig with others and not testing regularly, for all you know you might be positive already.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I get tested every 3 months. I don't bareback lots of guys, I'm just slightly more open to the idea if i just top and the guy was tested recently. I only bottom bare if I'm in an LTR. I don't enjoy bottoming, so even if I'm in an LTR I rarely bottom. Are those total tops sure they got it from just being the top, or do they occasionally bottom bare? Most guys that say they are tops do bottom sometimes. A true total top is rare.

I also know another guy that's 31 now. He's been fucking guys bare since he was a teen. He said he fucked every guy that let him bare. He only tops though. I saw him as a crazy guy that I would never be with. He said that since he had fucked so many guys bareback over the years that he was shocked that he was still neg. He though he might be immune. The reason he probably doesn't have it is because he only topped.

Also, this incident scared me. I won't trust anyone anymore. I'll only do it bare with a guy I've been with for a long time that I feel I can fully trust.

Antibody tests may give false negative (no antibodies were detected despite HIV being present) results during the window period, an interval of three weeks to six months between the time of HIV infection and the production of measurable antibodies to HIV seroconversion. Most people develop detectable antibodies approximately 30 days after infection, although some seroconvert later. The vast majority of people (99%) have detectable antibodies by three months after HIV infection; a six-month window is extremely rare with modern antibody testing.[6] During the window period, an infected person can transmit HIV to others although their HIV infection may not be detectable with an antibody test. Antiretroviral therapy during the window period can delay the formation of antibodies and extend the window period beyond 12 months.[7]. This was not the case with patients that underwent treatment with post exposure prophylaxis (PEP). Those patients must take ELISA tests at various intervals after the usual 28 day course of treatment, sometimes extending outside of the conservative window period of 6 months. Antibody tests may also yield false negative results in patients with X-linked agammaglobulinemia; other diagnostic tests should be used in such patients.Three instances of delayed HIV seroconversion occurring in health-care workers have been reported;[8] in these instances, the health-care workers[9] tested negative for HIV antibodies greater than 6 months postexposure but were seropositive within 12 months after the exposure.[10] DNA sequencing confirmed the source of infection in one instance. Two of the delayed seroconversions were associated with simultaneous exposure to hepatitis C virus (HCV). In one case, co-infection was associated with a rapidly fatal HCV disease course; however, it is not known whether HCV directly influences the risk for or course of HIV infection or is a marker for other exposure-related factors.

For starters you might stop using the term "clean" in reference to whether someone is HIV+ or not. Believe me, it's very offensive to people who are HIV+. They aren't dirty. They just have a virus.

As for you thinking you can safely screw without a condom when you are with someone you "trust," boy have you got a mistaken idea of how to stay HIV negative. Even well intentioned people don't always know their accurate HIV status. I can't emphasize strongly enough that you need to be using a condom everytime until if and when you may find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative at an appropriate time.

Otherwise whomever is inserting needs to be weaing a latex condom. Your friend who boasts about years of unprotected activity has luckily scooted by safely. You know you only have to get infected once and then it's forever. So that kind of rather cavalier cocksmanship doesn't cut it here. Use condoms. Everytime. Period.

As for you thinking you can safely screw without a condom when you are with someone you "trust," boy have you got a mistaken idea of how to stay HIV negative. Even well intentioned people don't always know their accurate HIV status. I can't emphasize strongly enough that you need to be using a condom everytime until if and when you may find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have tested negative at an appropriate time.

Otherwise whomever is inserting needs to be weaing a latex condom. Your friend who boasts about years of unprotected activity has luckily scooted by safely. You know you only have to get infected once and then it's forever. So that kind of rather cavalier cocksmanship doesn't cut it here. Use condoms. Everytime. Period.

The risk factor difference in bottoming and topping is significant. For topping bare, I'm a little more lenient. For bottoming bare, that I'm very strict on, since the risk is extreme. I've only done that with 2 guys. One was a virgin, and the other is in the army. He doesn't have sex while in Iraq, and they get tested in the army. Before I let him top me bare I had him take a home hiv test, which I had him take in front of me, and I mailed in the results myself. Only after that did I let him do me bare. We where together for around 2 year. I did trust him.

Over the years I've noticed that all the bottoms that I know that are into bareback sex are hiv+, but the very few guys that only top are neg. And I don't mean guys that say they are tops, since most tops from time to time bottom bare. I mean guys that strictly only top and never bottom.

I don't see any reason for you to be on this forum. You know it all, we've given you the facts and I'm sure you know where the Living With Forum is. Unless you change your ways of thinking that's where you'll be.

While you know many people who have had sex as "TOPS" only and they haven't got HIV, then good for them. There might be many reasons for that. Maybe they are CCR5 Delta-32 for example. Maybe there are other reasons such as a low viral load in the infected "Bottom"

However, unprotected anal sex with someone with HIV is risky, regardless of the method. It is true that "Bottom" anal sex is much more risky than "Top" sex. However, it does happen. I'm not sure if you are trying to convince us or yourself. It is less risky than HIV-infected top to HIV-negative bottom, but it does happen from "Top" to "Bottom".

R

« Last Edit: February 13, 2009, 09:41:07 PM by HIVworker »

Logged

NB. Any advice about HIV is given in addition to your own medical advice and not intended to replace it. You should never make clinical decisions based on what anyone says on the internet but rather check with your ID doctor first. Discussions from the internet are just that - Discussions. They may give you food for thought, but they should not direct you to do anything but fuel discussion.

I know plenty of hiv positive men who not only never bottomed, but they've never had anal and never sucked cock. They got it through vaginal topping, which is supposedly even less risky than anal topping. Yet they're still hiv positive.

Unless you start using condoms when bottoming OR topping, unless you're in a securely monogamous relationship and have BOTH tested negative TOGETHER, then chances are pretty damned good that you're going to end up positive.

That's just the way it is. You can attempt to convince yourself otherwise all you like, but that isn't going to change the cold, hard facts.

Again, good luck with the test. If you do test negative, I hope you wise up and protect your negative status. Otherwise, see you at the clinic when you're fretting about your viral load and CD4 counts and how you're going to pay for your meds.

Ann

PS - re-reading your thread, I noticed you asked about the legality of him lying to you about his status. Instead of worrying about that, I suggest you take responsibility for your OWN actions. After all, he didn't FORCE you to stick your unprotected cock into his ass. That was YOUR decision and YOUR decision alone. It's up to you to protect your hiv status and no one else.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

While you know many people who have had sex as "TOPS" only and they haven't got HIV, then good for them. There might be many reasons for that. Maybe they are CCR5 Delta-32 for example. Maybe there are other reasons such as a low viral load in the infected "Bottom"

However, unprotected anal sex with someone with HIV is risky, regardless of the method. It is true that "Bottom" anal sex is much more risky than "Top" sex. However, it does happen. I'm not sure if you are trying to convince us or yourself. It is less risky than HIV-infected top to HIV-negative bottom, but it does happen from "Top" to "Bottom".

R

I wasn't trying to convince anyone. I wanted some informed feedback on what I was saying. Just because I know a few tops that didn't get it from tons of bareback topping doesn't mean I'm comfortable with topping bare. You gave me an informed reply, thanks.

As for me, I didn't think this had affected me because I didn't do bare sex often. I occasionally did do it bare if the guy had just been tested, I felt I could trust him and if I was just the top. But, I can't even do that anymore. Last night a friend of mine wanted me to fuck him bare and I almost felt a feeling of disgust. A few minutes of hot sex is not worth worrying for 3 months. Bare sex for me will now be limited to either one guy that I'm monogamous with, or I just won't do it.

PS - re-reading your thread, I noticed you asked about the legality of him lying to you about his status. Instead of worrying about that, I suggest you take responsibility for your OWN actions. After all, he didn't FORCE you to stick your unprotected cock into his ass. That was YOUR decision and YOUR decision alone. It's up to you to protect your hiv status and no one else.

I had heard it was a felony to lie about your HIV status, but I guess that wasn't true.

Don't want to hear anymore of your BS. You knew that you needed to use a condom when having anal sex and YOU elected not to use a condom. If you contract HIV it's your fault and no one elses.

Yes and no. This guy flat out lied. I asked him and he said he was sure he was clean. In fact, he even said he was tested in December and that he tested neg. If I would have known he was hiv+, I would not have had sex with him. I dunno why you are defending someone that goes around lying to people saying he's neg to get people infected.

The NYtimes article I posted was about a similar guy, and he was sued on felony charges.

To agree to have unprotected sex is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI...this includes HIV...when it comes to sex people will lie to get what they want..a sad fact but true, and as you have been told several times it's up to you to take care of your own health regardless of what this guy told you....ever heard the saying "It takes two to tango"

Please don't use the word 'clean' when you talk about someone's HIV or STD status. That's a bit insulting to suggest that you are 'dirty' if you have something. I have had cold sores...so I have a herpes infection in my head. That makes me dirty? If so, me and 80% of the planet.

Logged

NB. Any advice about HIV is given in addition to your own medical advice and not intended to replace it. You should never make clinical decisions based on what anyone says on the internet but rather check with your ID doctor first. Discussions from the internet are just that - Discussions. They may give you food for thought, but they should not direct you to do anything but fuel discussion.

Please don't use the word 'clean' when you talk about someone's HIV or STD status. That's a bit insulting to suggest that you are 'dirty' if you have something. I have had cold sores...so I have a herpes infection in my head. That makes me dirty? If so, me and 80% of the planet.

Sorry, about 90% of gay guys use that term. I'll try to avoid using it.

To agree to have unprotected sex is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI...this includes HIV...when it comes to sex people will lie to get what they want..a sad fact but true, and as you have been told several times it's up to you to take care of your own health regardless of what this guy told you....ever heard the saying "It takes two to tango"

Jan

...and even well-intentioned persons for various reasons sometimes don't accurately know their HIV status. Which is why we get back to that using a condom everytime is the safer thing to do until if and when you find yourself in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners have reliably tested negative at the same time. It's not complicated but it does require self-control and vigilance.

Its been 30 days now. I tested negative. I know its still VERY early, but at least its something. Most people on average test positive in the first 30 days, so its something at least.

I talked to a friend over the weekend that I had sex with 2 years ago. He's now poz from a guy that also lied to him. The guy had on his profile "hiv negative," and assured him that he had recently been tested. They had sex on June 26, 2008, July & August where fine, but in September he tested positive. Going by days, he said that around day 45 he was neg still, but around day 65 is when he became poz. In the last 2 years he had only been with 2 guys, he made the other guy get tested 3 times and he was neg, so he knew the guy he met online gave it to him. Worst of all, he still has "hiv negative" on his profile. He gets off on lying to guys and making them poz. Its amazing how common this is. I'm assuming poz guys feel a rush having sex with neg guys and knowing they are giving it to them. This is horrible. The fact that I ran into a guy like that, and so did my friend shows how common this is. And both those guys are still out doing the same thing, lying to have bare sex with neg guys.

Yes, it is reprehensible that some people lie about their positive status and then have unprotected intercourse.

But you will only be in a vulnerable position if you consent to have unprotected anal intercourse. And ultimately you are the one who's responsbile for your own health. So let's keep the focus where it needs to be here, not on someone else's bad, but on you behaving responsibly by always using a condom when you have intercourse. No exceptions, no stories about I'm sure he's a virgin, he's such a good guy, it was so hot, blah blah blah.

Remember, everytime you have unprotected anal you are risking your life and are implicitly saying that you so want to fuck the guy without a condom that you're willing to risk your life to do it. It's just as simple and as stark as that.

Given all but the smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after a risk, a negative at 49 days is more than a little reassuring. It's an indication that you are very likely to continue to test negative.

"Some people" don't know what the hell they're talking about. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will test positive by six weeks, and everyone who have actually been infected will test positive by three months.

As long as you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, you will continue to test negative. It really is that simple!

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I'm friends with an hiv+ guy. I had a horrible scare awhile back. With my friend I'm very careful. But, now I'm wondering if I was at risk. I suck him. I don't swallow, but I do get his precum in my mouth. For anal, we use condoms. I rim him also. Am I in any risk by sucking him and rimming him? We also kiss, but I know there's no risk in that. I know that by using condoms I'm not at risk, but I'm starting to get scared. He also gives me facials sometimes. Can I get hiv if I get cum in my eye? Also, if a guy spanks you pretty hard during sex, and then he shots his load on your ass. Is that risky?

Please keep all your thoughts questions and comments in your original thread. This helps us follow your story and give you the most accurate advice.

If you cannot find your original thread, please click the red link I have posted above. Alternatively you can use the "Show own posts" link which appears in the uppermost left hand column on any forum page.

Your questions will not be answered unless you return to your original thread

Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread and familiarise yourself with the posting guidelines.

That's a completely different guy and this is a completely different experience.

And it completely doesn't matter. From the Welcome Thread you've been asked to read on more than one occasion:

Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.

You don't have to like or understand the rule, but you do have to follow it. That means all entries go into this same thread where I have merged your threads.

As long as the insertive partner consistently uses condoms if you are having anal intercourse, you will be effectively protected. Which you have been coming here long enough to know that by now. Lots of sero-discordant couples have lots of sex and protect the sero-negative partner by always using condoms. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be.

Rimming is not a risk for HIV. Sucking is theoretically a risk but in the real world of HIV claims of having been infected in that manner don't hold up under careful scrutiny. Your saliva has over a dozen elements and proteins which very effectively prevent the transmission of viable HIV if it is present.

Its difficult to figure out what's true and what isn't. I know a guy that says that his friend got it from getting cum in his eye. He gave an hiv+ guy a blow job and a facial, he says he got it from that. But, if you can't get it that way, he likely got it from another guy and he blames it on the facial guy.

When I have a problem figuring out what is true and what is not, and I have the option to believe a guy who has a friend, or repeatable, first tiered, peer-reviewed science... well, I have to put my trust somewhere. If you want to believe anecdote, second-hand at that, over science, then I recommend you turn to your friend for medical advise.

Sorry to sound harsh, but BS like your "friend's friend" espouses is one of the reasons there is still stigma surrounding HIV. Most likely, your friend's friend (assuming that's the reality) got HIV (assuming he did) from asking a sexual partner if he was "clean," then having unprotected sex based on that answer.

Because these days more than ever, a person with HIV does not look sick. Or act sick. And might not even know his status, thanks to the stupid and self-defeating "don't ask/don't tell" policy in the gay community as regards HIV.

Thing is, sex is called an "adult" activity not because ONLY adults can have it. It's called that because it brings about adult responsibilities. And foremost among THOSE is taking PERSONAL responsibility for YOUR health.

Wear a condom for penetrative sex and you will avoid HIV. It really IS that simple.

You might not avoid herpes, gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, HPV (genital warts) and a dozen other pathogens. But you WILL avoid HIV.

BTW, I disagree that it is "difficult" to know what is true and what is not. Science trumps anecdote, especially in such a critical and well-tested arena such as HIV transmission theory. It is NOT difficult.

Logged

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

Ok, now I'm going to ask stuff that's going to cause me to get a beat down here. But, I'd appreciate if you guys just gave me your informed reply. Yes, I know its best to never have unsafe sex, but the reality is that a lot (and I mean A LOT of guys do sometimes have bareback sex). So, I'm being real here. I usually have safe sex, but I do something have bareback sex. I'm very selective over who I do it bb with. Over the past year I've read a lot online about hiv and have talked to lots of guys about it also. I want you to tell me what's true and what isn't. IF I do decide to have bareback sex, I'd like to minimize the risk as much as possible. So, out of these, what's accurate:

1) When a guy tops bareback, the riskiest moment is when the guy cums in the bottom. When the guy cums its the only time the urethra is open and the only time the hiv virus can enter via the urethra. HIV is passed on only by blood and cum. The top is only at risk if the hiv virus has a place to enter, meaning a small cut on your cock (could be from shaving your pubes) or another std. The hiv virus can only enter via the urethra if you cum in the bottom. The risk is higher for uncut guys, since their foreskin is pulled during hard sex causing small tears in the foreskin. So, if the guy doesn't cum in the bottom, he's cut, doesn't have any other std's and no cuts on his cock, then the risk for the top is very small. Since hiv can only be passed on via blood & cum.

2) I met a guy online that's 27. He says he's been having bb sex on a regular basis with random hookups since he was a teen. He's neg because he says that he never lets the guy cum in him and because he immediately douches right after sex. He says the hiv virus is fragile and that douching right after sex will likely flush anything out. He says he's been fucked by over 500 guys bareback and is neg due to this method.

3) Its best to never pound the guy hard. Its the riskiest sex because that causes more small tears than usual in the guys ass.

Guys, I'm trying to minimize the risk as much as possible because the reality is that almost all gay guys sometimes do it bare. We know we shouldn't, but we sometimes do. If I choose to do it (very rare), I want to minimize the risk as much as possible.

Wow, so those are the popular myths going around in your area? Yes, myths. The only one that is remotely correct is number three.

I take it you're a top. You need to wake up and realise that tops can become infected when not using a condom. Are you aware that more women world-wide have this virus than men? Yes, we women could be considered bottoms, but the majority of men who have infected us are STRAIGHT and could be considered total tops. And a lot of those men only have vaginal intercourse. Wise up already, or you'll be joining us in the I Just Tested Poz forum.

1. It doesn't matter if you cum or not. I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life. Every time you thrust in, the head of your cock is pulled backwards and your urethra is exposed. Try it with your hand, you'll see what I mean.

A top is at a higher risk if he has a cut on his penis, but it is WRONG to say that this is the only time he is at risk. He's at risk every time he sticks his dick into someone else's anus or vagina without a condom on.

An uncut guy is at higher risk because of the type of cell that lines the inner portion of the foreskin - this is the bit that is hidden when he doesn't have a hard-on and his foreskin is folded over the head. If he also has cuts on his foreskin, that increases his risk. The urethra also has a type of cell that hiv can infect.

2. Yeah, right. When was the last time this lad had an hiv test? Because if he continues on this way, he's going to be testing poz sooner rather than later. Sounds to me like he's big on wishful thinking.

Just because he doesn't let anyone cum in him doesn't mean he's side-stepping risk. Pre-cum is also infectious. He's deluding himself.

He's also deluding himself with the douching thing. That's more likely to force hiv into his bloodstream, should it be present.

3. Any rough sex that draws blood will increase your risk, top or bottom.

You want to minimise your risk? START USING CONDOMS, EVERY TIME, NO EXCEPTIONS. You know, I really want to shake you, spank your bottom and send you to bed without your supper. You're playing with fire and YOU WILL BE BURNT. You can have all the sex you want with as many different partners as you want, BUT USE A GODDAMN CONDOM!!!!

Yeah, I know, condoms suck. But when you end up poz, you're going to have to use them every time unless you know for certain that your partner is also poz. This is something I and every other poz person has to deal with - we no longer have that choice.

And let me caution you about people who claim to be negative. Many of them don't accurately know their status. And yes, sometimes people lie. That's the way of the world.

Please - protect yourself every time. I don't want to see you in I Just Tested Poz.

"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

I have a question. I recently read that the instant tests are less likely to pick up an early infection, that a blood test that's sent to a lab is the best way to get tested. Is this true? Would an instant test be more likely to give a false negative for an early infection?

I'm currently not in any risk, but I do still get tested every 3-6 months. If the blood test is more accurate, I'd rather take that test.

Also, how accurate is the test that uses the Biomerieux VironostikaŽ HIV-1 Microelisa System.