Along those lines, don’t give a gift card for a Brazilian wax … everyone who sees that gift will have just one image in mind.

Along those lines, don’t give a gift card for a Brazilian wax … everyone who sees that gift will have just one image in mind.

Photo: Image Source, Getty Images

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Any book with the words “for dummies” in the title.

Any book with the words “for dummies” in the title.

Photo: Mark Horn, Getty Images

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Don’t give workout clothes … even in the right spirit of the season. It’s going to send a message: You need to work out!

Don’t give workout clothes … even in the right spirit of the season. It’s going to send a message: You need to work out!

Photo: Martin Barraud, Getty Images

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A body mass index (BMI) calculator would be a welcome gift … for someone with no body issues and a perfect figure. That’s not many people we know.

A body mass index (BMI) calculator would be a welcome gift … for someone with no body issues and a perfect figure. That’s not many people we know.

Photo: James Darell, Getty Images

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Calipers for measuring excess those love handles. “Honey, I’m not saying you’re fat. I’m just giving you the tools you might need to reach that goal you keep talking about every morning getting dressed.” Winning? Not so sure. less

Calipers for measuring excess those love handles. “Honey, I’m not saying you’re fat. I’m just giving you the tools you might need to reach that goal you keep talking about every morning getting ... more

Photo: Kallista Images, Getty Images

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Diet books. Nothing says you’re fat like getting a diet book. “I don’t think you're fat! You said you wanted to improve your diet, and I’m just trying to help!”

Diet books. Nothing says you’re fat like getting a diet book. “I don’t think you're fat! You said you wanted to improve your diet, and I’m just trying to help!”

Photo: KAZUHIRO NOGI, Getty Images

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A food scale …

A food scale …

Photo: Robert Daly, Getty Images

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A five-pack of beer … give it a second …

A five-pack of beer … give it a second …

Photo: Emma Innocenti, Getty Images

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A girdle or Spanx or something that compresses the midriff and buttocks. We know women and men wear them for that reason, but getting one as a gift says: Tighten it up, would ya!

A girdle or Spanx or something that compresses the midriff and buttocks. We know women and men wear them for that reason, but getting one as a gift says: Tighten it up, would ya!

Photo: Getty Images

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Stuff that clearly came from a last-minute clearance sale. You’re better off getting nothing or writing out a card with a list of things you’ll do for the person. Otherwise, you’re saying that you are cheap and, at best, unorganized and bad at planning. Or, worse, you are cheap and didn’t give enough of a damn to hunt for the right gift. less

Stuff that clearly came from a last-minute clearance sale. You’re better off getting nothing or writing out a card with a list of things you’ll do for the person. Otherwise, you’re saying that you are ... more

Photo: Image Source, Getty Images

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"The Watchtower" pamphlet from your friendly door-to-door proselytizers. We all know it’s “Christ-mas" and not the namby-pamby “holiday season” … but you can bring that up over dinner.

"The Watchtower" pamphlet from your friendly door-to-door proselytizers. We all know it’s “Christ-mas" and not the namby-pamby “holiday season” … but you can bring that up over dinner.

Photo: Tim Bewer, Getty Images

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Something that requires assembly and the blueprints are 50 pages long.

Something that requires assembly and the blueprints are 50 pages long.

Photo: David Robinson, Getty Images

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Something really loud — rockets, pipe bombs, drums …

Something really loud — rockets, pipe bombs, drums …

Photo: OJO Images, Getty Images

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That book: “Keys to effective dating …” or whatever it’s called. “Because, one, we’re tired of you hanging around pissing and moaning about your crappy sex/love life. And, two, we’re tired of you hanging around pissing and moaning about your crappy sex/love life.” less

That book: “Keys to effective dating …” or whatever it’s called. “Because, one, we’re tired of you hanging around pissing and moaning about your crappy sex/love life. And, two, we’re tired of you ... more

Photo: Lisa M. Robinson, Getty Images

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Books on how to make money “… because I AM SICK of having to call my mother for a loan!”

Books on how to make money “… because I AM SICK of having to call my mother for a loan!”

Photo: Blend Images - REB Images, Getty Images

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Don't give raw meat or fish. We’re not talking about the frozen, professionally packaged salmon that keeps Pike Place Market in business. Might be fun, though, to watch someone open a package and out slides a slippery red heart or liver! Fun as that sounds, there would be hell to pay, and we’re advising against it. less

Don't give raw meat or fish. We’re not talking about the frozen, professionally packaged salmon that keeps Pike Place Market in business. Might be fun, though, to watch someone open a package and out slides a ... more

Photo: Vincent Besnault, Getty Images

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Don’t give political-themed presents, unless you want to have an awkward conversation about your PETA member sister-in-law’s surprise new membership to the NRA. Joke gifts are fine, but not everyone likes to joke about the NRA. less

Don’t give political-themed presents, unless you want to have an awkward conversation about your PETA member sister-in-law’s surprise new membership to the NRA. Joke gifts are fine, but not everyone likes ... more

Photo: AP

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A surveillance camera that can be easily hidden. The person receiving the gift will have to spend a lot of time puzzling out why you want her/him to spy on you. What are you up to — and why do you want me to see you doing those secret things? less

A surveillance camera that can be easily hidden. The person receiving the gift will have to spend a lot of time puzzling out why you want her/him to spy on you. What are you up to — and why do you want me to ... more

Photo: Martin Barraud, Getty Images

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A GPS tracker … that can be tracked …

A GPS tracker … that can be tracked …

Photo: Dimitri Vervitsiotis, Getty Images

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Bacon anything … that was so last year.

Bacon anything … that was so last year.

Photo: Matthew Leete, Getty Images

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Underwear with a message written on it. You know, no matter what the message is … it’s on someone else's underwear. But if you just have to, make sure the word bacon isn’t in your message. Fill in the blank and email your best words to jakeellison@seattlepi.com.

Underwear with a message written on it. You know, no matter what the message is … it’s on someone else's underwear. But if you just have to, make sure the word bacon isn’t in your message. Fill in the ... more

Photo: Lucilu, Getty Images

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Don’t give marijuana – sure, it’s legal to have, but giving it away in any amount is still a felony. Even marijuana bought in a legal store sometime next spring will still be illegal to give away. Just the way the rules are. less

Don’t give marijuana – sure, it’s legal to have, but giving it away in any amount is still a felony. Even marijuana bought in a legal store sometime next spring will still be illegal to give away. Just ... more

Photo: Anthony Marsland, Getty Images

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A pregnancy test kit.

A pregnancy test kit.

Photo: Aaaniram, Getty Images

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Night vision goggles … which means you bought yourself a pair, too.

Night vision goggles … which means you bought yourself a pair, too.

Photo: Roberto A Sanchez, Getty Images

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Don’t make furniture decisions for someone else.

Don’t make furniture decisions for someone else.

Photo: Tetra Images, Getty Images

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Don’t give a pet … they’re alive and need a lot of food for many, many years to come. You know, it’s not going to be a puppy, guppy or kitten for very long.

Don’t give a pet … they’re alive and need a lot of food for many, many years to come. You know, it’s not going to be a puppy, guppy or kitten for very long.

Photo: Mint Images - Frans Lanting, Getty Images

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Don’t give remedies for balding.

Don’t give remedies for balding.

Photo: Christopher Robbins, Getty Images

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Don’t give how-to books. Either you’re telling someone they need improvement or you’re just reminding them of all the work the house needs. And that will lead to heavy holiday drinking.

Don’t give how-to books. Either you’re telling someone they need improvement or you’re just reminding them of all the work the house needs. And that will lead to heavy holiday drinking.

Photo: Getty Images

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Don’t give your significant other a major purchase … without consulting them. For instance, a car.

Don’t give your significant other a major purchase … without consulting them. For instance, a car.