I go through phases of asking, “Are they inspired? Are they not? Are they inspired word of God? Or not?

* * *

The traditional Christian belief is that the Bible is divinely inspired, almost divinely dictated.

How sweet the thought–that God has dictated words to me, through his human instruments.

Sweet, but hard to believe–this whole book divinely inspired?

Hard to believe, but possible, like the creation of galaxies, like the “miraculous” lifting of cancer from a human body, which has been documented again and again, as in Andrew Weil’s Spontaneous Healing or Kelly Turner’s Radical Remission.

Somebody has put this watch together, this complicated jigsaw puzzle of a world, animals, plants, butterflies, sun, moon and stars working together synergistically to support all that is wild and wonderful. This beautiful, brilliant ecosystem in which everything is beautiful and useful.

That this God should dictate thoughts to humans is certainly is not too hard for me to believe as a writer. How many times have I had the experience of writing things very fast, as fast as my fingers could type. Where did these words come from, my unconscious or a kind mind beyond myself? It is actually a common experience of writers.

In the case of the sacred words, they were unanimously accepted as sacred for, well, millennia, perhaps because we instinctively sense something numinous about them. Perhaps because of their impact on our lives when we obey them.

* * *

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep, and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.

And God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light.

The first words of Genesis. 48 words in English, but I read them, and ideas spring forth, illumination, revelation. I could write several blog posts about them… and I have .

I love the words of Shakespeare and Milton, but they don’t fill my soul with energy, with creativity, with new ideas, with energy, make my feet jubilant, so to say.

The words of Scripture are qualitatively different, they speak to spirit as well as mind. They are “alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, they penetrate even to soul and spirit, joints and marrow; they judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

* * *

So since we will never know for sure this side of eternity whether God indeed dictated those words, we choose to believe. Or not.

There is a moving story of the moment when, under pressure from his fellow evangelist Charles Templeton Billy Graham almost lost his faith in the sacredness of scripture. He makes a choice by faith to believe and goes on to have an influential, fruitful life. I have met people who have converted, or had parents who converted, at a Graham crusade. Templeton leads an empty life, and eventually says, almost in tears, “I miss Jesus.”

* * *
So on my walk today, I asked myself, “Tell me chile; what will you decide? Inspired: not inspired? Sacred, or human?”

I have heard God “speak” to me, several times, and have obeyed, and the consequences have been challenging but blessed. Definitely blessed.

Again and again, through the decades God promises him a child: At the great oak of Moreh at Shechem, when he was 75; at Bethel, when he lets his nephew Lot have the more fertile land; and near the great trees of Mamre at Hebron, where “Abraham believes God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,” and God makes his great covenant with him.

And not just one child.

Abraham is promised descendants more numerous than the stars in the sky, and the sand in the seashore. God promises all the land his eyes can see to Abraham’s offspring.

Which for decades number precisely zero!

* * *

How does Abraham hear God’s great promises? In the same way we do. “The word of the Lord came to him” (Gen 15:4). He heard it in the secret places of his heart, a clear word, a clear certainty and surety.

And meanwhile in the “real” world: nothing happened.

No pregnancy. Sarah and Abraham just grew older and older. Menopause came and went, and still he heard the insistent promise of descendants, as many as the stars in the sky.

* * *

Are you living in the in-between land of a sensed, longed-for, right destiny deferred? What should you do?

2) Remember the world is full of goodness even while your dream gestates

The dream God has given you is just a sliver of the goodness God showers on you in the land of the living.

Even though Isaac was not born, Abraham had a beautiful wife, and success, which is satisfying: “sheep and cattle and male and female donkeys, menservants and maidservants and camels.” “He had become very wealthy in livestock and in silver and gold.”

While waiting for the sky above you to be filled with the promised stars, never fail daily to taste the goodness of the Lord, and thank him for it. The sea remains full. The palette of the sky changes minute by minute. The world bursts with beauty. People are fun! There is work and food and rest and companionship and friendship.

Never shrink your world to Isaac who will come when the time is right and you are right.

3) Prioritise your dream

The dream God has placed in your heart, and confirmed to you repeatedly in prayer, through the months and years…if you are sure it is of God, then step out in it.

Do what you have to do. Arrange your life in accordance with this dream.

The German poet, Rainer Maria Rilke writes “Ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse.

My dream is to write. For me, believing God will mean not looking at my own tiredness, but leaning on him for strength.

Believing God has called me to write, I will need to highly prioritise it, which sadly, I often don’t do. I will set my face towards my goal.

Work on your dreams, believing that you are in the vine, that it sap rushes through you, that God wishes to enlarge your territory.

Work like one flowing in the river of God’s presence and power, relying on the power of the river in you and around you for strength. s

4 Conversely, Just Stand There. Quit Striving. Just Rest.

The work Abraham had to do for Isaac to be born was to believe.

To trust and rest in the goodness of God.

To believe God was powerful and could do what he promised.

To believe God was good and would what he promised

Abraham needed the decades of resting and trusting to be able to do what he had to do—to surrender Isaac to God, so that Isaac was wholly God’s, not Abraham’s at all, so that God could enter human history through this family.

Passive faith, just resting, was what God required of Abraham.

Don’t prematurely grab the ball of the dream out of God’s hands, accuse him of not working on it hard enough and fast enough, and go off and do things in your own power, without checking with him.

Doing things he has never told you to do, things he has never authorised: These are always a bad idea, though they may yield short term apparent fruits, like Ishmael. In the long run, they may delay and damage your dream because you are listening to the voices of fear and your own finite wisdom, instead of listening to God’s infinite wisdom.

How about you? Are you living in the in-between land of dreams deferred? Any survival tips?

So this is C. S Lewis’s famous trilemma: when Jesus is outrageous, as he often is, you have to decide. Do you laugh him off as a lunatic, blow him off as a liar, or bow the knee as to your Lord?

The aggrieved brother in Luke 12 was faced with Lewis’s trilemma. “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me,” he asks, perfectly reasonably.

Jesus is having none of it. “Man, who appointed me a judge or an arbiter between you?”

In other words: “You are on your own, buddy. You make your own inheritance-pursuing-or-relinquishing choices. Don’t involve me.”

But he advises him, “Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; life does not consist in an abundance of possessions.”

Beware of greed: wanting more than you need. Because life is not about amassing money or stuff.

And then he bursts into story. A rich man got richer. Instead of enjoying his wealth right now, living in the present, and sharing some of it, he decides to tear down his barns and build bigger ones to store his surplus, “enough for many years”. And THEN he will “Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.” ’

But God calls him a fool, because he was living in future tense. He would die that very day without enjoying his wealth at all, and without getting to share it in the way he might have wished.

It is foolish to store up wealth, instead of being generous towards the priorities of God, Jesus concludes. (Which I interpret literally, that Jesus calls those foolish who waste their precious lives storing up wealth.)

* * *

Brothers and inheritances have suddenly become an issue for us. Roy’s grandmother left substantial money in Roy’s name, and we’ve been pressured by his “baby’ brother to sign it over to their mum, to be left to her heir. And given that he has power of attorney, we are suspicious as who that might be. She has bought this brother rental properties and retirement homes, so that he, a medical doctor, Cambridge-educated like Roy, has spent his life adventuring in mountains, rarely doing paid work, whereas we, we’ve worked hard, and, and…

Can you hear me hyperventilating?…And can you sense the terrible tedium of family financial politics, and the resentment, and emails are flying, and all of us are committed Christians, and it is getting ugly. And an uncle, a judge, as it happens, audacious, outrageous, takes the brothers side. He wants to control the money, putting in trust, supposedly for the mum, but we’re suspicious, and blackmails us with far-fetched threats. Time-zone differences mean we go to sleep and wake up with harassing emails about money!!

And my peace, which I believe is the normal state for a Christian, is being shaken. Blogger Emily Wierenga says a kiss is never just a kiss. It involves “hips, lips, heart, mind and neglected childhoods.” So too a family financial dispute is never only about money. It’s about who was cleverer, and who was the favourite, and who has been more successful and what is owned to the ugly duckling. It’s about greed and resentment and fear and lack of trust in God. It’s about living as if God cannot even now give us twelve legions of inheritances.

I had told Roy: I am the writer, let me handle this, but this all got too filthy-ugly for me and affected my peace and my sleep and my weight and my blogging. I was being dragged down by other people’s greed, and our own intransigence.

* * *

So yesterday, I walk alone to the Sgwd yr Eira waterfall in the Brecon Beacons before going to the Cwmbran revival meetings (on which more soon).

And as I walk, I hear the voice of Jesus say tenderly, “Anita, do you remember my fable about brothers and inheritances and bewaring of greed?”

Me, warily, “Yeees.”

He, “So?”

I am sullen and silent. Feeling very rebellious.

And he’s silent too. He’s a gentleman that way.

* * *

And me, crossly, “Roy’s worked hard for our house, and that baby brother, aged 48, gets houses just for the asking, and he’s rarely done any paid work, and now he’s trying to get this inheritance too, and it’s just not fair.”

But now it’s down to this: Liar, lunatic or Lord. Do I believe Jesus when he says “Beware of greed?” Or not?

When bossy little me helps my peaceful husband contend for his inheritance, we are stressed. I don’t feel I am living in the waterfall of God’s love. Take my little paws off contending, which is greed, and I am at peace again. We can live without the inheritance (as can all the other people contending for it, incidentally).

So after six weeks of emails escalating in bitterness and incivility and the general imploding craziness of family financial feuds, I write saying: No more contending on our parts; no more quarrelling; this is the last email from us on the subject.

Following Jesus is a matter of these little hair-pin decisions. You either do what he says, and continue ascending with him on the narrow paths that lead to life, or laugh at him as the man must have done who wanted an inheritance and got a story, and then go on into a world of stress and contention, wealth perhaps, but a whole lot less peace, because you will no longer be walking according to the eccentric, infuriating, outrageous, apparently nutty dictates of Him who is wisdom incarnate.

* * *

The Christian life is like that, a tricky business.

Every now and then, Jesus asks you in the silence of your heart. “So, honey, are we going to do this my way? Or your way?”

The choice is yours. If you say, “Jesus, to be frank, your way is nuts. Not contend for our inheritance, indeed!” he will look at you sadly, but not push the point.

And your paths will diverge, and one day you will look at him sadly, remember the romance you once had, the love you once shared, the time he lived within you like a stream of living waters, and you will be sad.

So I make my choice. No more contending. Yeah, I will hold on to Jesus with both hands, will dance with him, and I will let Him take care of inheritances. Or even, God forbid, the lack of them!

When I try to pray while walking, or in the car, I use the Lord’s Prayer (Matt. 6 9-13) to organize my thoughts, and am often astonished again by its richness. Forgiving aught against any as a condition for receiving the Lord’s forgiveness, for instance.

“Do not bring us to the test,” the Lord instructs us to pray. Would he instruct us to pray this if testing were inevitable? Is it possible that one might be spared soul-wringing and heart-wrenching testing if one prays to avoid it?

And then, the lovely sentence, “Deliver us from evil.” Would Jesus instruct us to pray to be delivered from evil if he did not intend to deliver those who requested deliverance? So deliverance from evil is a strong probability for those who pray for it.

* * *

I am reminded of Jabez’s outrageous prayer,“Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, “Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain.” And God granted his request. (1 Chron 4:10)

Be free from pain? What a huge prayer! And it was granted simply because Jabez asked.

I feel sad I have not asked more that I might not be led into temptation, not be brought to the test and that I might be delivered from evil and “be free from pain”. But these are prayers I will assiduously pray for the rest of my life.

Isn’t it scary to think that the life we lead might just bear a faint resemblance to the life we could have had if we prayed more?

Oh, what grace we often forfeit
Oh, what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer

But it is never too late to ask God to wrap our lives in his protection. And I am going to ask him to right now!

The master says, “Put this money to work until I come back.” How should the servants do that? They are not told.

God leaves us free to choose how we use our gifts, like loving parents leave their children free to follow their own bliss and passions.

It’s the same when it comes to our spiritual questions: How much should I pray? How long should I study Scripture? How much money should I give? In the New Testament, there are no answers. It’s left up to us.

2We live in an abundant universe in which turning one minas into ten–a staggering rate of return– is quite possible. The master is pleased but not overwhelmed by the servant’s rate of return.

Abundance is encoded in the universe, in the seeds of tomatoes and apples; in the minds of people who can dream up an infinity of good ideas; and buried under the soul which is forever turning dropped leaves and the bones of dead creatures into diamonds, precious stones and fossil fuel.

3 The rewards God offers us are exceedingly abundant, out of all proportion to the good deeds of the servants. A minas was three months salary. He turns, let’s say, 10K into 100K which is stunning. But he is rewarded with ten cities—and the minas of the unfaithful servant.

Because God is good, the benefits of serving him always outweigh the cost. The sense of peace and shalom and provision God offers us is out of all proportion to the little things we might do for the love of him.

Ten cities for ten minas! “If we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desire not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, we are like ignorant children who want to continue making mud pies in a slum because we cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a vacation at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.” (C. S. Lewis, “The Weight of Glory”).

Serving God is win-win. The master gets the ten minas; the servant gets the ten cities, and a minas.

4 We are judged fairly, on our effort, not on the outcome.

The ten servants were all given a minas each.

Some things are allocated almost equally. We each have 168 hours a week, a body, a mind, are born into families. But there are, of course, huge variables of talent, opportunity, and nurture, just as the servant who turned a minas into ten may have had more energy, intelligence, business talent and connections than the one who turned it into five.

We are not judged comparatively, but according to what we have done with what we have received. The ones who turned their minas into ten and five are each rewarded, though their rewards differ in accordance with their abilities.

5 The wicked servant is judged harshly for misjudging his master’s character. He wasn’t a hard man, in fact, but an exceedingly generous one.

The servant’s ungenerous stingy calculating spirit was just the opposite of the master’s generous spirit.

A. W. Tozer writes inThe Root of the Righteous,

It is most important to our spiritual welfare that we hold in our minds always a right conception of God. If we think of Him as cold and exacting, we shall find it impossible to love Him, and our lives will be ridden with servile fear. If, again, we hold Him to be kind and understanding, our whole inner life will mirror that idea.

The truth is that God is the most winsome of all beings and His service is one of unspeakable pleasure. He is all love, and those who trust Him need never know anything but that love.

Fellowship with God is delightful beyond all telling. He communes with His redeemed ones in an easy, uninhibited fellowship that is restful and healing to the soul.

6 A principle that’s true in the natural and spiritual worlds: “To everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away.

That’s just the way the world works: the rich get richer, we live in an increasingly winner-take-all society.

In the spiritual realm, God constantly tests us, and as we pass each test, we are given new opportunities, and new challenges.

“If you do one good deed your reward usually is to be set to do another and harder and better one.” C. S. Lewis in The Horse and His Boy

7 The spiritual life often has tests which we are unaware of.

The servants thought it was just a job: Put the minas to work. In fact, it was their destiny which was being decided. They thought they would have to turn over their profits to the master, and that was that. But those who were conscientious and dutiful were rewarded massively. Those who played safe and shirked ironically lost everything.

Similarly, the trials which come our way are often tests of character–to strengthen it or reveal it. Who hasn’t had the experience of disproportionate suffering or blessing following upon apparently trivial actions?

8 The parable is really about spiritual truth.

Spiritual truth is living and active, sharper than a double-edged sword, alive like a seed, like yeast.

As we obey and share what we have understood, we are given more insight. If we do nothing with our insights, we tend to forget what we have learned, and our insights vanish into the mists.

10 Life is Not Fair but God is Good

“To everyone who has, more will be given, but as for the one who has nothing, even what he has will be taken away,” might not seem entirely fair. The one who turned one minas into ten rather than five may have been cleverer, better connected, more energetic—and then in addition to all these gifts, he get the leadership of ten cities, and the minas of the lazy servant

Then Jesus asked, “What is the kingdom of God like? What shall I compare it to? 19 It is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his garden. It grew and became a tree, and the birds perched in its branches.”

20 Again he asked, “What shall I compare the kingdom of God to? 21 It is like yeast that a woman took and mixed into about sixty poundsa of flour until it worked all through the dough.” Luke 13

1 Spiritual growth is gradual, incremental and, in the short run, invisible. Even if we sat watching the mustard seed or the yeast all day, we would not be able to pinpoint their growth or rising.

Similarly, we cannot gauge our own spiritual growth as it is occurring. But we should be able to look back to who we were at the start of our journeys, and realize that the Spirit of the LORD has come upon us, and we have been changed into a different person. (1 Sam 10:6).

2 We cannot control our own spiritual growth.

Human effort cannot neither produce yeast and the mustard seed nor control their growth. All we can do is provide favourable conditions.

Once we have asked Jesus and the Holy Spirit into our hearts, as long as we are repenting of any known sin, we can leave the pace of our spiritual growth to him.

3 Spiritual growth is uneven, and that’s okay. Growth rings in ancient trees show there is rapid growth in the growing season, alternating with slow growth in winter. Cold years, or years of drought leave narrow rings behind.

We don’t always live on the heights, spiritually. We would burn out. Highs and lows, summer and winter are built into creation—and into our spiritual lives. Sometimes God takes us through periods of intense spiritual growth and change, and sometimes through slower periods of consolidation.

4 We each have unique spiritual trajectories

Homemade yeast bread tastes slightly different each time. So too, the spirit works uniquely in each individual, convicting us of different things at conversion, and throughout our lives. We grow at different paces. Some make rapid, seismic changes at conversion. Others, like me, change slowly throughout our Christian lives, though occasionally suffering, or seeking God, intensely leads to intense change.

5The most powerful things in the spiritual life are often invisible–like prayer and like surrender. In fact, we are told our spiritual activities—prayer, giving, fasting– are more powerful, more blessed and more rewarded when they are secret. (Matthew 6 1-6).

Invisible things, like the yeast in bread, or the seed in the earth have a disproportionate influence in the spiritual life. About one percent of a loaf of bread is yeast, and it is indistinguishable from flour, but it makes the entire loaf light. It is analogous to the power of prayer, the secret roots beneath a life, which gives us good ideas, strength, and grace, divine enablement. Secret prayer makes the difference between a life filled with blessing, joy and peace, and a more mediocre Christian life.

There is this repeated phrase in Kings and Samuel: The House of David grew stronger and stronger, while the house of Saul grew weaker and weaker. And David became more and more powerful, because the LORD God Almighty was with him. (2 Sam 3:2)

As long as the mustard seed, the yeast of the Kingdom of God dwells within us, and we are providing them favourable conditions, we can relax, and God will ensure growth.

Because growth is invisible, when discouraged, we need to look at our trajectory, and compare ourselves to where we were five years ago, one year ago.

And when tempted to judge another Christian, we need to remember that we are all works in progress, the yeast is rising, the mustard seed is growing in each of our lives, and we have not yet seen the end of the story.