Donald Tusk rejects Boris Johnson request to remove Butt Plug

European council president says call for removal without alternative proposal signals support for hard border.

The EU Butt plug, known as the backstop, was manufactured in a North Korean lab and has been inside Johnson’s anal cavity for the last three years. It was fitted covertly while Johnson was in a diabetic coma, after eating one of Nadia Hussain’s golden syrup desserts at an EU summit. The plug was supposed to send Pro EU instructions to Johnson’s brain but it seems to have malfunctioned.

Donald Tusk has rejected Boris Johnson’s request to strip the backstop out of the Brexit deal, with only a thinly-veiled message that the British Government was refusing to admit the lack of realistic alternatives.

Boris wants to cut a Brexit deal but part of that is dealing with his backstop. He hasn’t taken a shit in three years and is exhausted from wearing a colostomy bag. Tusk is optimistic he can get the backstop working again and a Brexit deal can be negotiated.

Tusk wrote, ‘The backstop is an insurance to avoid a hard border on the island of Ireland, unless and until an alternative is found. Those against the backstop and not proposing realistic alternatives in fact support re-establishing a border. Even if they do not admit it.’

Boris has been warned not to try and have the backstop removed by UK Doctors as it might set off a small explosive charge nestled inside the device.