Saturday, October 07, 2006

When a girl, specifically this girl, meets a guy for lunch, she does a lot of things. She might choose her outfit the night before, only to change twice that morning. She may get up ten minutes earlier than normal to spend more time on her hair. She walks around wondering if anyone else can tell that she's got a date at noon. She throws herself into work that morning hoping to be distracted. (Nothing does overcome pre-date jitters like and SQL manual, you know?)

But mostly, she wonders. She wonders how it will go. She wonders what he'll be like. Will she say the right things? Will he? She wonders what she'll order, she hates eating in front of people she doesn't know. And usually, there's nothing she can do to stop the wondering. She's not nervous, not even scared. It's normal, really, because she's always been that way. She has wondered since she can remember if there's really someone meant for her to meet, someday.

Her mind trails off and before she knows it, the wondering is wandering down the same path it always does. She goes through a laundry list of wonders. Not for him, but her own. Who will put up with her? Who can possibly compliment her? And who will understand her?

Is there someone to understand her moods? Will he understand that she gets upset when there's nothing good on the radio? Will he understand that she can't sit still if there's a load of laundry to go from the washer to the dryer? Will he get that she would trade cable television for a shelf full of good books? Will he understand that her idea of a perfect day would be floating in the middle of the ocean on a boat and not saying a word? Would he bring her a drink on the boat? Will he understand that while she used to cringe when she walked by the playground at the mall she's now finding herself relaxed by the idea of family? Will he know that she lets her dog sleep at her feet on cold nights and will he hate it? Will he know that she's as passionate about good music as she is about fighting for a good cause? Will he make her heart beat a little faster and her fast pace a little slower? Will he be able to leave her alone in the morning and to high five her after an afternoon run? Will he let her go on baking binges in the Winter and drink-mixing binges in the Summer? Will he?

She knows it's overwhelming. But that's just it, that's what she wants. She wants to be overwhelmed. She wants to bake her cake and eat it, too. And share some with a guy that, dang it, thinks it's the best cake ever baked. While she's far too old and intelligent to mistake lust for true chemistry and interest, she also knows the difference between overwhelmed and just fine. Overwhelmed is all the wondering questions ceasing because you're too excited about that very moment. Fine is when you have great conversation, a few laughs and, an hour later, realize all the wondering questions seem to have no answers. Overwhelmed is when she runs to check her messages at the end of the day. Fine is when she decides to stay at home and away from the phone on Saturday night. And that's okay. She wasn't looking for the answers all at once, she wasn't really looking for them at all. It wasn't until they didn't show up that she realized she needed them.

She knows it's a tall order. She knows she shouldn't be quick to judge. She knows it was just the first date, and that maybe he was wondering, too. But also, when a girl gets ready for a lunch date, she's sure to remind herself that if it's even a little bit right, she will know.

LOL, I loved your ramblings here & could actually tell the lunch date went Ok, but am wondering what happened to Sat Nite plans, if any?

My mom, told me when I was engaged & questioning myself that questioning is good...it's what gives us answers & that if I was 110% gung-ho, then I would be in la-la land & she would be worried about our marriage. LOL, but true on so many little levels.

"Will he understand that her idea of a perfect day would be floating in the middle of the ocean on a boat and not saying a word?" Sist'a...we are a match made in heaven! And then they say women are complicated. Whateverrrr.

Justrun,Of course you can bake your cake and have it, too! And with all these wonderings going on, sounds like lunch went very well.... usually if it's a bomb, the only thing you wonder about is how to get him to lose your phone number! Floating..... I love it...that is Peace....

you have an amazing amount of passion about what you want, and a great self-awareness - I'm stunned that you can pinpoint it all so well. I'm glad lunch went fine. And no matter how much wondering you do, it's okay if fine is all that it is sometimes. Sometimes we need to have fine to be able to compare it to champagne. Or even to just exist with fine for a day.

Ah...the scariness of a first date...lunch dates at least are a little less pressure. So when do you get to the point that going past a playground doesn't send shivers of fear and seeing someone with multiple kids make you hyperventilate at the idea of your own??