W: I hear it’s some married lady named Angela from Buffalo, NY. Get this: she traveled to St. Louis to see me, got her attorney friend to get her backstage, met me, had me sign some stuff and then showed up at the concert in North Tonawanda, NY! What a stalker!

X: That doesn’t sound like stalking to me. She was visiting her friend in
St. Louis, and she lives near North Tonawanda.

W: Oh. Well, she’s still weird.

X: That she is. She’s my sister.

W: Oh, well, that makes you weird by association. (looks around suspiciously) Is she here? Is she stalking me here? Where is she? Tell her I won’t sign anything else! Tell her…

X: Al, relax, she’s not here.

W: Oh, well, it would have been nice to see her again.

X: But…

W: Do you like Rick Springfield?

X: Yes…

W: I hear he’s going to be playing in North Tonawanda this weekend. I’m bummed that I’m gonna miss that show.

X: Al, why do you spit so much while singing?

W: I spit?

X: Copious amounts during the whole show.

W: C’mon! I do not! You’re foolin’!

X: No, you spit a lot.

W: It’s news to me.

X: Where do you get parody ideas?

W: I find them on eBay.

X: What?

W: Yeah. Sometimes I have to snipe to win them, though. And I hate shill bidders … there’s this one called dec…

X: What’s your eBay ID?

W: Weirdal.

X: Makes sense.

W: My astrologer thinks so.

X: Oh boy. Al, thanks for your time today.

W: Wait a minute … aren’t you the one who OD’d on cheesecake while married to Johnny Depp? I thought you looked familiar! I thought you were dead!

W: And you were married to Harrison Ford, Tommy Lee Jones, Michael Nesmith, Dean Cain, Kevin Costner…hey, where are you going? I’d like to get married someday so people won’t think I’m gay like George Michael…wait up!!!!