Tag: vegan

I read and watch and listen to so many high-vibe living blogs and Youtube channels and podcasts. And I always wonder: why is every single segment or topic about how something is wrong and what to do to fix it? How is that possible when this person claims to live a high vibrational life filled with good things and contentment?

Well, I am in that boat now.

And let me tell you, it’s because every day I find a new way to expand and live a better life, and it’s usually as a result of overcoming something new. And all of the things that have led me to live a better life, ever, have really been about overcoming. Overcoming a limiting belief, my own emotions, etc.

There are so many angles from which to write about this and they are all so important.

So in short, that is why! But don’t fret. I must have thanked God at least 20 times just today, genuinely, from the bottom of my heart. Life is so good. So with that, let me finally get into today’s post.

It’s about the toxic relationship patterns.

You know when someone brings out something in you that you thought you’d already kissed goodbye. Some behaviour pattern maybe or some way of responding that just belongs to your past (or maybe you feel it doesn’t belong to you at all), but somehow, being around this particular person long enough just brings it out!

So what gives?

What gives is validation. Ugh, the v-word, I know… It’s like, haven’t we been over this already? Yes, yes; we don’t need validation, etc. But there’s more to it, I think. For me, validation is a part of most healthy relationships. To see the truth of who you are in that moment seen and accepted by another person even as it contrasts with theirs is such a beautiful and healthy thing. It’s part of what makes life, relationships, friendships so juicy!

And I think we all subconsciously know that’s part of the beauty of a relationship. We know it’s part of that juiciness, so we’ll go a ways to find it! We’ll make sure our manners are squeaky clean and we’re showing people our best sides, we smile when we don’t mean it sometimes, we show the most “acceptable” parts of ourselves to others, etc.

And then there’s that one person! We do everything and more and it just doesn’t work. Our best self, the most angelic we can be, just doesn’t cut it with this person. In fact, in my experience of somebody who has been in my life, my highest vibe self was rejected and looked down upon.

Every time I was happy, this person was clearly not happy for me. Every time I talked about something I was grateful for, they were only half listening. You get the point.

And then I discovered something else. If I indulged this person with gossip and judginess about others, if I gave into the arguments they picked, I suddenly had that validation. Gossipping about another human being, or better yet outright putting them down, got me their undivided, positive attention.

And I found that, with enough time in this person’s presence, I would crack and give in to the need to be validated. I spoke badly about shared acquaintances or even family members that I love. I truly love these other people… As I spoke about them, I felt I was telling lies and getting away from my own truth. But even as I felt dirty, I kept doing it, time and time again.

One day it dawned on me why it was happening. I was looking for the validation. I felt I needed those moments of undivided attention… It felt like water to a plant. And gossiping and judging others was just a hoop I was jumping through to get it.

Except it wasn’t… I was giving up my integrity, and feeling terrible for a really long time each time it happened. What I did for the validation simply was not worth it. The awareness of why this person brought out “the worst” in me made all the difference.

Even as I have felt tempted a few times to “give in” again, I now am keenly aware that I simply don’t and can’t have that deep connection with that person at this point. I have turned away from that part of our relationship lovingly. The experience has been humbling; it’s been about recognizing the boundaries I need to draw to protect my soul and psyche while at the same time recognizing the other person’s free will.

Reformation is one of my brand crushes: they are a California-based clothing company that manufactures and develops their designs right out of their California factory, where every employee received minimum or living wages, health benefits (if full-time), and even a weekly massage—which, having gone through a brief period of physical labour, is more necessity than luxury. Their website also claims they are working to increase their wages from minimum to living for every employee.

To me they represent a vision of what can be possible: indulging our wants for frilly dresses and beautiful fabrics and clothes while treating people well! In addition to treating people well, Reformation is also known to care about the environment. One of their online reports claims that they limit their footprint as much as possible and “offset” what they can’t (by purchasing carbon offset credits, I assume), thus their manufacturing is carbon neutral.

And to add to all this, many of their clothing items are stunning. They’re not quite as feminine and frilly as the Christy Dawn dresses I absolutely love, but there are lots of items in there that I am constantly crushing on, and I window shop from Reformation all the time. They are one of my most frequented procrastination websites, and they roll out new designs frequently. So frequently, in fact, that from the time I wrote this post to today, I can’t find links to three of my picks—pretty ridiculous since it’s only a two-day difference.

Of course, the dresses tab is my most-frequented. And today I wanted to share the five Reformation dresses I am crushing on at the moment, in no particular order.

The Winslow Dress: This is one of their “easier” dresses; it’s relaxed, long, not too tight. You can eat in it! What won me over though is that despite the “ease,” it’s still super elegant. It could be a great dress to wear to a wedding. There are so many colours, and it can be dressed up or down; it’s simple and versatile. And do you agree? You have to love a great wrap dress. (It won’t be the only one of those on my list!)

Celine Dress: If all of these five dresses were sitting in my closet, I can guarantee that this would be the most worn one. How do I know that? Because I have one that looks just the same but it’s short-sleeved, and it’s my most-worn dress of all time. You can find a way to wear a simple black wrap dress like this to almost any occasion. It’s classic enough that it can be dressed up with heels and jewellery and the right hair, or dressed down for a summer night out to get drinks with friends—or whatever. It’s probably also the most boring one of this bunch, but sometimes the boring garments are the ones that are worn best. Not only that, the cut with this is bound to be flattering, accentuating or creating a waistline thanks to the wrap string and the skirt’s cut, which creates the illusion of larger hips, decreasing the waist-to-hip ratio.

Flash Dress: This dress screams “dancing!” Maybe sometimes it’s hard to decide what to wear out to a club or lounge in wintertime, and it’s like this one was just made for winter dancing. It’s so easy and comfortable; it takes some booties and maybe some pantyhose (it gets REALLY cold up here in Canada), and you’d be good to go, no worries about wardrobe malfunctions in sight, completely free to dance the night away. I own several “body-con” dresses in exactly this style, and they are super flattering… This one just reminds me of how badly I need a dancing night out.

Surrey Dress: This is by far my most scandalous choice. I mean, look at it! This dress has a conservative a-line cut, but there are essentially barely-covered by lace stripes that show off your skin throughout. I find something with a little contradiction like this (conservative cut but sexy/revealing material) to be much more scandalously sexy than a dress that outright shows off a lot of skin. It’s somehow a bit more dignified in my opinion… On the other hand, I have no idea where to or whether I would ever wear this. I love hiding in a crowd and finding my comfort zone in busy environments and this is definitively not a dress to do that in.

Jagger Dress: This should have been called the Nancy Drew dress because it’s such a feminine, goody-2-shoes style. And I LOVE it. I can totally see this becoming a go-to summer dress. Again, I definitely considered the comfort factor in picking my “crushes” out of all of the dresses on the Reformation website.

ONE: The Price of Free Youtube has acquired the award-winning documentary called “The Price of Free.” Incidentally, the documentary is FREE, and I really recommend you take an evening to watch it. It’s about child slavery and labour, particularly in India. I was appalled to see HomeSense wares are made through child slave labour. HomeSense of course carries products of individual companies, but they should have a much better vetting system in place than one that allows malnourished, imprisoned and abused children to work for free for 16 hours a day to make discount goods. One of the main messages of the documentary is that the price of cheap and discounted goods is paid by someone even if it’s not the consumer.

TWO: Uber Eats I have only used Uber Eats twice before, but it’s not until today that I realized what a total life saver it can be. Even though I’m pretty good about making frozen entrees and meal prepping for those just-in-case days where I don’t feel like cooking (or I’m too busy) even defrosting and plating a ready frozen meal can take 15 minutes or more. So today, I had a few things that needed taking care of urgently, and I decided to use Uber Eats, and it just took away that little bit of stress because it was just one less thing to take care of.

THREE: Uber Simple Meals See what I did there? No, not the company uber, just the word. I’ve learned how to make a microwave Thai rice curry soup, and it’s amazing. Instead of steaming or sautéing the veggies (one cup shredded kale and 1/2 cup shopped red bell pepper), I put them in a bowl with one tablespoon of water, covered, and microwaved until they were soft. Then I added 1/2 cup of black beans, one cup of rice, and 1/3 cup of coconut cream and water to make it into a soup. For seasoning, I used 1/2 tbsp of thai curry powder and salt (my curry powder is unsalted). So good!

FOUR: Spinning With Netflix It’s a little over a year ago that I bought the tiniest Weslo stationery bike (see it here). It’s amazing what it’s done for me in that time, and how much I’ve used it. Recently though, I’ve been wheeling it out to the TV and watching Netflix while cycling. Right now, I’m watching a mix of shows. My last watched is Cable Girls, but I’ve also been trying to get through a boring spot in Wanderlust (which started with a fun premise, but has sort of come to a halt now). With Netflix, you could easily go on for 20+ miles within two episodes, so it’s a great way to make an indoor cycling workout a lot more fun.

FIVE: The Global News Podcast by the BBC I have been listening to this podcast nearly daily for over a year now. It’s amazing because I really feel that they curate some of the most important breaking news from around the world into two 25-minute (or so) episodes on weekdays, and usually just one on each weekend day. It’s extremely informative, and it makes me feel connected to the issues that matter most. While much of the news can be negative, I try to detach myself from negative emotions to keep my day (or morning) from spiralling. Self care is still important! I use the Pocket Casts app to listen.

I’ve known about using vinegar as a cleaner for a long time. But have you smelled vinegar before? Thats’s why I stuck to using conventional cleaning wipes for most of my regular “dirty jobs,” like wiping my desk every couple days.

But those smell too, and it’s a more sinister chemical-laden smell, as opposed to a clearly harmless but astringent odour like vinegar’s. Anyway, I turned to the internet and found this recipe for a homemade cleaning spray that smells good and works wonders.

You probably already have everything you need for this in your pantry and fridge. You will need one cup of white vinegar, one cup of water, the zest of a whole lemon (I used a potato peeler to make the job easy), and 10–15 tea tree oil drops.

Put everything in a glass or plastic spray bottle and you’re done.

I was really surprised by how much fragrance the lemon zest adds to this. I’ve been cleaning my desk with this and getting great results. This is also a low-waste option.