Monday, January 31, 2011

Today while at work, one of our clients asked me out. heh. No really, he did! We called him in for a meeting and while my boss walked out of the conference room to take a call, the client started talking to me. Nothing unusual about that except, he was getting a little too personal and before I knew it, he was asking me out! Now, here's the thing, I don't date clients. I just, don't. It's not an ethical question really, I mean there is no legal precedent that I am aware of, but I kind of treat it as if there is. So I politely declined. Then he blindsides me and asks if the reason I won't go out with him is his age. Um, he's two years older than me. Upon further probing, I found out that he thought I was twenty-five! Did you get that? TWENTY-FIVE and that I thought he was too old for me! -Excuse me, while I do cartwheels in sheer delight! Swoon! I think I just met my future husband! The Boss-man came back in and all talk of dating and ages were tabled.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I learned a few things last night and thought I'd share with you, for no reason in particular.

Saturday night I went to House of Blues to listen to local musicians and some (very famous) musicians get together for a good ol' "jam" session. It was off.the.chain and so much fun! There were musicians who play all kinds of genre from Pop to Blues to Jazz to Tejano, to Tropical to Rock. Some old faces, some new faces. It was quite an evening for great sounds! I ran into many friends I had not seen in a long time. That was nice. But I also learned a few things a long the way. Things such as...

I learned that I must wear earplugs in the future whenever I am going to be practically on the stage. I swear I went deaf! I still have ringing in my ears!

I learned that some things never change. That being, people getting sloppy drunk and obnoxious. Case in point, I was in the ladies room at some point last night, I was retouching my make-up when two women walked in. They looked like they were well in their 30s. One of them was so drunk she was speaking in tongues! Or at least that's what it sounded like. I guess she thought she was in a stall because all of a sudden, she proceeds to assume the sitting position and started peeing right there in the corner, right beside the bathroom attendant. NO LIE. She just kept laughing and telling her friend, who by the way, in a show of solidarity, stood beside her the entire time. She kept telling her friend, "Fuck him! He's a loser! I'm gonna get L-A-I-D tonight! (yes she spelled it out). The bathroom attendant didn't miss a beat and handed her some paper towels when she was done. I had had enough and walked out. I did track down one of the managers and explained what had happened. I mean, they had to clean that up!!!

I learned that musicians still have groupies and some groupies will still do "anything" and I mean "anything" to go backstage or back to the dressing room or the "Guest Lounge". Since I was with my friend Gustabo, who was running the show, I had full access to the club and was able to witness this first hand. Lucky me.

I learned that if you plan on valeting, leaving the house with only a credit card and no cash at all, is probably not a good idea.

I learned that although I like to party like a rock star, I just couldn't keep up with my dance partners last night. They were relentless and never tired! Of course, the 4' stilettos I was wearing couldn't have helped any either.

I was passed this survey by israelcarrascojokes.blogspot.com/If you have not had an opportunity to check his blog out, I encourage you to do so. You won't regret it!

Now on to the survey.

Survey Questions:

1. If you have pets, do you see them as merely animals, or are they members of your family?I don't have any but I used to when I was younger and we treated them like pets.

2. If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?I have so many dreams! It's hard for me to pick just one. But for the sake of this post, I will. Ok, so I am a aspiring novelist. One of my dreams is to have my novel published and made into a movie.

3. What is the one thing most hated by you?I abhor liars.

4. What would you do with a billion dollars?Hmm, get rid of my all of my debt, buy a house for my mom, help my family, donate to my favorite charities, travel and move to Spain. Oh and go visit all of my bloggie friends in their respective corners of the world.

5. What helps to pull you out of a bad mood?Laughing and soothing music.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?I echo Israel's response: Both equally.

7. What is your bedtime routine?Ha! Which night? Usually, I go online (usually to blogspot), write, and then put on some music, find a happy place and go to bed. All the while hoping and praying that sleep will find me. Occasionally, I will pour myself a glass of wine to relax. Of course, I haven't done this lately since I banned myself from alcohol.

8. If you are currently in a relationship, how did you meet your partner?Not applicable. heh.

9. If you could watch a creative person in the act of the creative process, who would it be?William Shakespeare penning away.

10. What kinds of books do you read?Mainly fiction, but I also enjoy non-fiction sometimes. I'm into self-help books too.

11. How would you see yourself in ten years time?I liked Israel's answer to this so much, I'm stealing it!"Using my eyes. That question was poorly worded."

12. What’s your fear?Failing.

13. Would you give up all junk food for the rest of your life for the opportunity to visit outer space?No. I'm scared of heights and I'm claustrophobic. So, me and outer space -not happening.

14. Would you rather be single and rich or married, but poor?Show me the money! -Times are tough!

15. What’s the first thing you do when you wake up?open my eyes, duh!

16. If you could change one thing about your spouse/partner what would it be?Not applicable -again.

17. If you could pick a new name for yourself, what would it be?Oprah Winfrey.

18. Would you forgive and forget no matter how horrible a thing that special someone has done?I will forgive, but I never forget.

19. If you could only eat one thing for the next 6 months, what would it be? hmmm, anything Italian.

Friday, January 28, 2011

There are certain moments in our lives that we will never forget. One of those moments, for me, was the day the Challenger exploded. I was a sophomore in college, and had just left class to get to my part time job. I remember the weather was cold, rainy and just miserable. I remember walking into work (at that time I was a salesclerk at a major department store downtown) and there were several people gathered around in the electronics department. They were watching the tv screens. Some people were crying. Some just looked like they were going to be sick. I remember being mesmerized by the captivating images on the screen. My heart started pounding. It was as if I was watching a dream, all very surreal. Such a sad and somber time for our nation and for all of those whose lives were lost. The rest of the day was very quiet and long and unsettling. I'll never forget that day or the days immediately following. It took a long time for everything to return to some sense of normalcy. It's been twenty-five years but I can still remember like it was yesterday.

The only things that rivals that memory is September 11th and on a more personal note, the day JFK, Jr. went missing and then pronounced dead hours later.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

For those not "in the know", at the start of the new year, approximately 27 days ago (give or take a few hours) I decided I would not drink any alcoholic beverages again until April 8th. A self-imposed ban, if you will. Why did I do this, you ask? Well if you speak to my friends, they'll tell you it's because I'm going insane. But what do they know? Listen to meee! I decided to do this because it gives me something to control. Not that I'm a control freak or anything like that. It's just that, with so much going on in my life, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and as if everything around me was slipping out of my hands. I was losing touch with myself and felt the need to reconnect. Does that make sense? It's ok if it doesn't, not everyone understands what the hell I'm talking about. Sometimes, not even me. At any rate, it's a goal I've set for myself and I intend to see it through. I hope. They say, that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. If that's true, just call me Rocky Balboa. This month so far, has been nothing but problems, drama, stress, sickness -and the new year is only on week three!!! Through all of the adversity being thrown my way, however, I've held my ground. I've not strayed. I've wanted to. Oh god, how I've wanted to! But a little voice inside of me keeps reminding me that I promised myself I would do this. And as everyone knows, a promise is a promise. I do miss my friends Merlot and Grey Goose though.

I'm so excited in a geeky, girlie-adolescent kind of way! I have gained quite a few new followers in the past few weeks and this makes me very happy. To all of the "newbies", thanks for the follow I appreciate it, and welcome to my world. It's never a dull moment here, ok I'm lying, sometimes it's dull and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's happy and sometimes it's sad. Yeah okay, I think you get the gist.

Feel free to browse around and don't be shy, leave a comment on your way out.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Do you believe in getting to know a person before discarding them in the "I'm not dating him/her" file? Or do you discard them just from looks alone? Or better yet, meet them, and within say, oh five minutes, beg your forgiveness and run away, fast? I had an interesting conversation with my friend *Gustabo. He called me earlier in the evening to tell me that he had a date tonight with this woman he's been fancying for about a month now. They've spoken on the phone quite a bit, exchanged pictures, Facebooked each other, you know the drill. So when he called me tonight, I could totally hear the excitement of anticipation in his voice. I gave him a few pointers and some "Do's and Dont's" -refreshers, if you will.

Do's and Don't's:

1. Don't answer your cell phone if it rings. And don't look at it every five minutes.
2. Don't text in front of her, for god sakes! That's so rude!
3. Do be yourself.
4. Don't be late
5. Do call your bestie on your way home to tell me her all about it in great detail.

So a little while ago, my phone rang. It was Gustabo. My first thought was, "Already?" and my second thought was, "She must have gone to the ladies room." I was right, it was the latter. Quickly, he told me she's very pretty, she's got a great sense of humor and they're having a good time, but, "Eh, it's not happening." Wait. What? Since I didn't have much time, I just chastised him and told him to give it time and enjoy the rest of the date. He told me he would but that it wouldn't change his mind and then he said he'd call me when he got home.

Hmm, I don't know about him sometimes. I mean, how can you just write a person off in mid-date? Well, I take that back, I 'm guilty of doing that. Remember the Jolly Green Giant aka The Horrible Kisser? Yeah. Anyway, I guess I'll wait and see what he says. It's just that, he's been talking to her via phone, email and text, for a while now. And I know he was interested and he found her attractive . So what am I missing?

Normally, I give the guys I go out with the benefit of the doubt. And I always try and make the best of a situation. There have been only two instances where I literally walked off on a date. Hell, I even continued the date from hell with the guy that was mad that I didn't give him a blow-job, remember? But I do tell them upfront if there is no intention of seeing them again or if I'm not interested. I expect that much courtesy in return. I mean, we're all adults, and who has time to waste? Insert rolling of the eyes here <----------
I know, I know, in a perfect world and all that!

Whatever.

So bloggers, what are your thoughts on this, if any? This enquiring, slightly neurotic mind, wants to know!

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

An article I read in today's paper, prompted this frame of mind I'm in. I currently live with my mom, but I think about the future, specifically, her future all of the time. My mom is borderline schizophrenic with a splash of bipolar added just for kicks. When she is on her meds, she's just fine. The problems start occurring when she's not taking her meds. I used to have to watch her take her pills. I didn't trust her to take them on her own. Even when she was standing right in front of me, she'd sometimes pretend to take them, hide them under her tongue, and the spit them out when I wasn't looking. Thankfully, she no longer does this. Which is a relief to me and my siblings. The problem -well it's not really a problem yet. But it's something that has the potential of becoming one. Where was I? Oh right, the problem that's brewing is that my mother has a tendency to downplay her illness or any other ailments that she may be going through. All for the sake of not worrying or burdening us. She downplays everything. Before I moved back home with her, I used to call her daily and ask her about her day and how she was doing. Her answers were almost always the same, "My day was fine. I'm fine." Even when she wasn't. As I get older, I worry more and more about what's going to happen to her. Sure, we live together now, but I don't want to stay here any longer than I have to. I crave my own space, I crave my independence. I crave my alone time. Sometimes, I feel so guilty because I can't wait to leave. Anyway, the article that prompted all of this idle chatter, said that sometimes parents downplay their ailments because they don't feel they are worthy of that much attention. It went on to say that the parentals regress back to acting like a child . Whoa! How weird is that!? I call my mom "my kid" all the time! I'm joking when I say it of course, but now I'm thinking, "am I really kidding?" At times, she really does act like a kid and I'm the parent. I wish sometimes that she would have remarried or have a dating life at least. My mom is a still a very attractive woman! Before she retired, she used to work in a department store. She had men hitting on her and asking her out all the time! Yet she never went out with any of them. She said she had no interest in doing so. I think she was just scared. I do love my mother very much. And I would do anything for her. But at what point is it too much? Or is it ever enough?

Something else that is on my mind tonight. I'm writing this with a heavy heart. My sister went back to the idiot tonight. She did it while I was not home. Purposely, I'm sure. Since she knew that I would have probably slapped the crap out of her, had I been home. Ok, not really slapped her, but wanting to nonetheless. Sigh. I'm disappointed and angry and sad and very worried. My mom hasn't stopped crying. So now, I've got to watch her super closely, so she won't regress and have another one of her "episodes". Thanks a lot sissy! All of this is very draining and I'm so very angry. I just want to run out screaming and not come back. Sometimes, life sucks.

While at church this evening, I was trying to bargain with God and with Mary and with anyone else in heaven listening to me! I was praying for me, for my sister, for my mom, for everyone it seems! In the end, I just asked for guidance and patience. That's all I can do.

I haven't seen the Musketeers at all this month. Michelle bought a condo and is busy renovating it before she moves in and Maricela is studying for the medical boards. And I'm busy trying to stay sane in the insanity that is my life. Besides that, I've been hitting the gym hard and eating relatively healthy. The scale says I'm 11 lbs. lighter. Yay me! This whole eating healthy bit can become very, very, boring after a while, let me tell you! I mean, how much grilled chicken can you eat really??? Add to that the fact that I am not drinking any alcohol, it's a miracle I've not gone postal yet! Yeah I'm quite the drama queen, I know, I know.

So this was my weekend wrap-up. Monday is on deck and I've got to go see a pillow about some sleep.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Once upon a time, there was a boy named Gustabo and a girl named Valentina. They met about 20 years ago, it was the summer of 1991. Both were young and carefree. From the moment Gustabo and Valentina met, they both knew that their relationship was going to be something special. And it was. Those two went on to become the best of friends. They were inseparable at times, and very in tune to each others feelings and emotions. Valentina and Gustabo used to sit and talk for hours and hours at times, and forget about the rest of the world around them. They talked about anything and everything and nothing at all. Sometimes, they'd just sit together in silence and then walk away feeling like they'd just had the best conversation ever. Gustabo knew Valentina better than she knew herself and vice versa. They loved to laugh and argue. Oh how they loved to argue! She could say, "It hot." and he would say, "No it's freezing!" and it was on after that! Most people, friends included, thought they were dating. But nothing could be further from the truth. They were just friends. Or as Valentina used to describe it, "We're as close as two people can be, without being romantically involved or intimate." Gustabo would agree and add this to her description, "We're family." So these two kids went on to live their lives. In the 20 year span of their friendship, they were there for each other through marriage, divorce, broken hearts, fits of anger, loss, moments of happines and joy, drunken moments, tragedies, miracles, just an enormous amount of memories. Sadly, Gustabo totally disassociated himself from Valentina one day. It was sudden and unexpected. No explanation given. Nothing but silence. Valentina was devastated and felt lost. In the beginning, she was extremely angry and hurt by his actions and vowed revenge. Yeah, she was a bit of a drama queen that Valentina! But as time passed, she realized that whatever his reasons were for "kicking her to the curb", as she so colorfully puts it, she would just respect them and choose instead to celebrate the years of friendship that she did have with him. Last week, she found out that Gustabo had remarried and he and his wife are now expecting a baby. Valentina cried when she found out. When I asked her why she was crying, she said, "Because I'm so happy for him! Because he's wanted a baby for so long and now he's finally going to have it. And because he's married. And I can't share how happy I am for him or tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me. And because I miss him. That's why I'm crying." I let her cry and I held her. Between sobs she blurted out, "It's a girl. The baby. They're having a girl. And they're naming her Bianca. Just like he always wanted." It's true. Gustabo would often discuss becoming a father and how much he wanted a girl. He even had a name picked out, so did Valentina. It was Bianca. Coincidentally, or ironically, they both had picked the same name. Valentina doesn't have any children. So it will be Gustabo who gets to use the name. That was the wager. Whoever gets pregnant first gets to use the name. Oh I'm certain that it wouldn't have really mattered who used the name. But it was one of the many silly things they did. After a long silence, Valentina dried her tears, hugged me and thanked me for being such a good friend. "So that's it then. It's over." I nodded and smiled at her. She smiled back. "We were good friends and in my heart, we always will be. But he's still a jerk." And then we laughed.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

That's the song that my Hip Hop dance instructor was playing when we walked into the studio. Well, actually the name of the song is Rapper's Delight but I just like saying, "Slide, Slide, slippity slide." Maybe he thought it was funny to play that song since we were in a Hip Hop class. But whatever. It made me laugh. The class was pretty full. I believe the final count was 20 eager hip hoppers. We came in all shapes and sizes and gender. I didn't think there would be too many guys taking this class but there were. All chest-out and tight, ready to get their "hip hop" on too. I absolutely loved this class! It was so much fun and even though I zigged when I was supposed to zag, I actually did alright. And I didn't bump into anyone or any object as I had feared. The music was pulsating and rhythmic and loud. The steps were "followable" -for me. I was drenched in sweat by the time the class was over. Seriously. I know I'll be in pain in the morning. But it will be a good pain.

I love TV shows or movies that are about lawyers or have to do with the criminal justice system. I was a big fan of LA Law, The Practice, Law and Order SVU, and currently, The Good Wife. I am addicted to that show! In tonight's episode there was a scene where one of the partners upon noticing that one of his most talented employee was unhappy and considering leaving the firm, asked her what he could do to change her mind and make her stay. The employee told him she wanted a substantial raise, even gave him an astronomical number and then walked out. Well the partner met with his other partner and told him that they were going to give her a raise and if she didn't get it, "the waters would not be calm." In the end, she got the raise and the partner told her, "I got your back, I hope you have mine." to which she replied, "I always do." Now, maybe to some of you or all of you, none of this will make sense or will matter. But to me, it meant everything. Knowing that no matter what, your boss has "your back" is a great feeling and mood booster and more importantly, a security blanket of confidence. Having worked for lawyers for a hundred years now, I can tell you that loyalty from an employer to an employee is not common in my parts. I have been with very few attorneys in my career, who have been not only loyal, but also almost like a part of my family. And that feeling is mutual. To this day, I remain close to all of them. But, "I got your back" can only be functional if it works both ways. Sadly, this is not always the case. And not just in the legal field I'm sure. Wouldn't it be phenomenal if we all could feel that secure or that at peace with our employer(s)? Think about it! How happy would we be? But alas, I know that it is all make believe. In the real world, "I got your back" is more often replaced with, "You're on your own!"

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Last night, after I wrote that post, I cried myself to sleep. But I woke up with a better attitude and a different mind-set. I took inventory of my emotions and put them in check. I realized that I have been so busy trying to "fix" everyone else and being there for "them" that I have been neglecting myself. All the signs were there. And I'm all too familiar with them! But I chose to ignore them. Until now. I made a lot of plans and set goals for myself this year, and none of it is going to happen unless I start focusing on me again, instead of everyone else. And that' s exactly what I'm going to do. Today was a good day.

I start a dance class tomorrow that I signed up for last week. It's an hour long hip-hop cardio class. I'll be taking it once a week for 8 weeks. Ha-ha! I am one of the most uncoordinated klutz in the world! I can't wait to see what or who I bump into! But I love dancing and it's boasts of being a great calorie burner, so I'm doing it.

Finally, I just wanted to say thanks to all the comments and/or emails I received yesterday and today regarding my post from last night. I am so grateful and appreciate all of you very much for that!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Everyone wants a part of meI'm being pulled in every directionI have nothing left to giveMy well is dryEven my "self" is disappearingI cannot keep this upI have nothing left to give...

Today was a very nerve wrecking and emotional day for me. Ok it sucked. There, let's just cut to the chase. I am drained, physically, mentally and emotionally. Without getting into specifics, let me just say that sometimes being the oldest kid is a major pain in the ass! There are serious matters going on in my family's life right now. One of which is the situation with my sister (I wrote about that last week). This morning she informed me that she has decided to give the *asshole* a gazillion chance -again. So she's going back. To misery, to abuse, to unhappiness. I was so angry with her when she told me I had to leave the house. Had I stayed, I would have slapped her a few times! So I took a drive in the torrential rain. I forgot that my windshield wipers were kaput. I meant to take care of that on Saturday but I was too busy trying to *fix* another family member's life. So I never got around to it. Because that's what I do. I give and give and give until there is nothing left. I drove around listening to nothing but the sound of the rain, as it hit my car. I came to the conclusion that I cannot keep doing this to myself. I just can't. I can't fix everyone. I can't make everyone happy. I can't overextend myself anymore. There's nothing left of me, for me. Now I just want to be left alone. I don't want to hear about any one's woes, other than my own. Is that selfish? Maybe, maybe not. Plenty of times, I have been in situations where I am the one that needs to be helped and yet, no one was around. Who helps Yvonne? If not Yvonne? I spoke to Maricela as I was driving aimlessly around the soaked drenched city. She was great. She just listened to me as I vented. And when I was finished, she told me that I needed to worry about myself and no one else. Simple, but true. I felt better after getting everything out of my system. Thanks Agent LL. Yeah, another nickname for the other musketeer! Let me explain, you know how I call Michelle, CC for Coca-cola right? Because she's shaped like a coca cola bottle. Well, Maricela is all legs! She's got the legs I've always dreamed of having. They go on and on for days and you can't help but notice because she's got this walk that only she can walk. So, I christened her Agent Long Legs, hence, Agent LL. Yeah I know, lame, and silly -who cares! We like it and that's all that matters.

I did not make it out to see Gustabo play on Friday night. I had every intention of going but I worked very late on Friday. I had a deadline that needed to be filed and of course, my boss waits to the last possible moment to start working on it. I didn't leave the office until a little after 8:00 p.m. So, I met a friend for a quick dinner and called it a night. Then on Saturday I had all kinds of things lined up to do and had plans for the evening, but again, family issues changed my plans. Needless to say, I was really tempted to open up a bottle of wine tonight. But I didn't. I was good. There's something about that promise I made to myself that keeps me going. I don't want to disappoint myself by breaking it. It's all I have control of right now. Does that make sense?

Oddly enough, I'm looking forward to going into the office tomorrow. Work will consume my thoughts and leave little time for anything else.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

I was given an award today from The Adorkable Ditz' Missteps and am super happy about it! I mean, look at it, it oozes sunshine and happy thoughts!

Receiving this award means I have to answer a few questions that were posed to me and then pass the award along to other unsuspecting bloggers. So, cool! Lets get started.

10 Survey Questions:
1. If you blog anonymously, are you happy doing this? If you aren't anonymous, do you wish you started out anonymously so that you could be anonymous now? No I would not like to be anonymous at all.

2. Describe an incident that describes your inner stubborn side? There are so many to choose from! lol I guess it was when I was a junior in high school and our counselor told me I was not "good enough" to participate in an English Writing program. Only a few select girls would be eligible. I quickly dismissed the counselor's negative words and wrote my heart out to the committee that would be choosing the lucky participants. I not only got accepted into the program, but I won the contest! Don't tell me I can't do something or am not good enough!

3. What do you see when you really look at yourself in the mirror? Ugh! This is a tough question for me because I am still working on this issue. When I look in the mirror I see failure and sadness and ugly. I hardly look in a mirror anymore. But as I said, I am actively working on this and trying to overcome my issues.

5. When you take time for yourself, what do you do? Hmm, I read, or write or take in a movie, go for a walk, window shop, people watch, go for long drives. Really, it just depends what kind of mood I'm in. I'm pretty spontaneous and kind of just go with the wind.

6. Is there something that you still want to accomplish in your life? Tons of things! Become a better person for one. Become published, sell my novel, travel, fall in love, end world hunger, rule the world... :)

7. When you attended school, were you the class clown, the class overachiever, the shy person or always ditching? Definitely not shy, but not the class clown, somewhere in between, I suppose.

8. If you close your eyes and want to visualize a very poignant moment in your life, what would you see? The day my oldest niece Sydney, was born, that was a very special moment in my life.

9. Is it easier to share your true self on your blog or are you more comfortable writing posts about other people and events? It is very easy to share my true self to my blog more than it is for me to share my true self with those that know me.

10. If you had a chance to sit down and read a book or talk on the phone, which would you do and why? Ha ha, that's easy. I would talk on the phone! I am a chatterbox! Sometimes, my friends avoid my calls. Hmm, I can't imagine why! -eh! I'm just kidding. Sort of.
I'm supposed to pass the award on to others now. So without further adieu, the winners are:

These three ladies' blogs are very cleverly written and at times, hysterically funny, profoundly insightful and always, always motivating. If you haven't already, please take a moment to check them out! You never know, you might like it!

Friday, January 14, 2011

Hall and Oates used to sing a song called "Open All Night". I thought it apropos for this post. (For all you youngsters, before New Kids on the Block existed, there was a duo called Hall & Oates). I used to be a stalker groupie. More on that later. Where was I? Oh yes, sleep evades me. And so I'm here, writing. My blog is Open All Night. Get it? Ha! Lame attempt at humor, I know. It's Friday morning (technically speaking of course) and oh what a week I've had! I'm so happy it's almost over! In the immortal words of Fred Flinstone, "Yabadabadooooo!"

Random at 12:30 a.m. is kind of tricky. You never know what is going on in this head of mine. My boss (the owner of the firm, not the Prima donna) gave me a bottle of wine today. Just because. It's my favorite kind of wine too! Pity, that I won't be able to enjoy it until April. (on account of the whole self-imposed drinking ban and all.) Pity indeed.

What else? Oh yeah, I heard from the 29 year old last night. Remember him? He is the one that I met my birthday weekend back in October. The one that disappeared immediately after and then reappeared weeks later? Yeah him. So, he called out of the blue last night. He said he was thinking of me and wanted to say hi. Aww, how nice of you! Um, but did you really have to call at 1:00 a.m.??? Yeah. Needless to say, I don't think he will be calling me again. Words are lethal my friends, lethal!

Moving on, I'm going to go see my friend Gustabo play tomorrow night. Gustabo is a friend of mine who plays in a cover band. They're a lot of fun and I will no doubt, be doing a lot of dancing! *Gustabo* is a fictitious name I use to protect the innocent and the not so innocent. All of my male counterparts are named *Gustabo*

I'm re-reading this as I write it and I'm sorry to say it's pretty pathetic. My apologies. I'll make up for it this week-end. I think I'll try and go to sleep -again. If you made it this far, I applaud you and thank you! You're all da BEST!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Sometimes, I hate my job. A lot of times, I hate my job. More specifically, I hate the bullshit that goes along with it. I've been working in the legal field for over twenty years now. I was 20 when I started and I'm 44 now, you do the math. Some people have asked me why I didn't go to law school? I always tell them that I didn't want to go to school anymore. I had just graduated from college and I thought my career was going to be in journalism. But I kept going back to law. At any rate, the real reason I didn't go to law school was that I never thought I was good enough to be a lawyer. I felt better remaining behind the scenes. My career in this industry has given me all kinds of experiences and knowledge and opened doors for me. So, even though I don't have a law degree, I just have my paralegal certification, I could be one, I already work like one. :) It took a long time for me to learn the ropes of working for lawyers. I think I've covered all facets of mood swings known to mankind! The yeller, the sex fiend, the asshole (well, they're ALL assholes, some more so than others), the prima donna, the anal retentive, the slave driver, the young buck who thinks he/she knows it all, the "I'm a woman lawyer so that entitles me to be a bitch and have no sense of humor -or style for that matter", the great boss (only happened once so far), and on and on, you get the picture. Today is one of those days I want to not only poke him in the eyeballs, but also run out screaming! I've had it! Sometimes the pressure and the stress is too much for me. Don't get me wrong, I do love what I do -most of the time. But times like today, when the weight of the world is on my shoulders, (at least that's how I feel) I want to tell him to shove it up his ass! But I can't. I have to do this pesky thing called "pay the bills" and on occasion, eat. Sigh, what I really want to do with my life is to write. That's it. Just write and get paid for it. Maybe get a house on the beach where I can write my heart out. Yeah, I'm hallucinating again. I mean, I would love to do this, but in reality, I can't afford to do it. Just last week I was talking to one of the Musketeers, Maricela, and I told her that I wanted to run away. Just run away. She asked me where, and I told her somewhere where I could start over and reinvent myself. Somewhere like, Spain. I've always, always wanted to go there. And I will. Just not right now. Maybe get a job at a pastry shop or a book store... Meh! Ok, I hear the Beast coming forth. Time to get back to doing my boss's job work.

As always, thanks for dropping by and feel free to slap the "crazy" out of me on your way out.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Life happens sometimes, we all know that. Circumstances have led my sister and my 5 year old nephew to move in with me and my mom. To refresh your memory, I moved back with my mom in August. So, my sissy moved in almost two weeks ago. Now, let me preface by saying that I adore my nephew. He's the apple of my eye, he's our own little "Survivor" (At only one day old he had major heart surgery and has had 5 subsequent surgeries. Not to worry, the doctors have since given him a clean bill of health) but if I hear the Mickey Mouse theme song or "The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round..." one more time I'm going to scream! Oh.My.God. Seriously! He never gets tired. Never wants to just sit and color or read a book. Oh no! We have to play "monster" or hide and seek or play football or catch. All.the.time. He's also decided that he is going to stick to me like glue. The minute I walk in the door he's following me around. Talking to me. Asking me questions. Endless questions.

That's every day. Sigh, I am running out of patience. I guess I know now why I don't have any children of my own! My tolerance level is only good for a few hours at best. But as I originally stated, Life happens.

Something else that's been weighing heavily on my mind is my sister. She's currently separated from her husband -again. What is it about some people that makes us fall victim to verbal and emotional abuse so easily? She's left him before but he always manages to convince her to go back. Usually, he uses Ethan as his pawn, making her feel guilty for taking him away from his daddy. -What a bunch of crap! I can't stand him. He knows it. She knows it. Everyone knows it. He hates me. Probably because I am not afraid of him and have more than once stood up to him. But he's an idiot. And I do not speak that language. My sister is falling apart at the seams and I don't know how to help her get through this. I know she's still assimilating her situation and trying to figure out her next move. I know the last thing she needs is me coming down on her or pressuring her to make decisions that she herself, is not ready to make. So I'm giving her space. That cannot be said of the rest of the family, however. Everyone puts their two cents in, everyone knows best. Everyone is quick to say, "If it was me..." Well guess what? It isn't you. No one has the right to claim to know what is best because they are not in her shoes. Meh! Sometimes my family is nosier than Mrs. Kravitz ever was! (Mrs. Kravitz, for those to young to remember, was the "nosy neighbor" character on Bewitched). I worry a lot about her emotional state. Out of my brothers and myself, she is the strongest. When my mom had her breakdown, it was my sister that took over and guided us. When we had to make a decision as to whether or not to put my mom in a mental hospital after breakdown number two, it was my sister who held us together. I shut down. I couldn't or didn't want to face that truth. Luckily, we didn't have to go through such drastic measures because my mom's meds started working and soon she became herself again. My point is that it's always been my sister that has been the strong one and for me to see her this way, helpless, defeated and empty, just tears me apart. I know she will be alright, eventually.

Monday, January 10, 2011

All the talk about kissing that I did in yesterday's post, led me to remember this poem. I wrote it almost six years ago. It was inspired by a kiss that was given to me by someone very special. Every now and again I like to remember it, and I smile. I hope you enjoy it.

The Kiss

You are standing in front of me.
You stare into my eyes
I smile at you
My mouth quivering.
We are both stubborn. Both of us want it, yet neither of us will give in.
I cannot wait to feel your mouth on mine.
I cannot wait to feel the warmth of your breath on my face.
Your are just as excited.
I can feel it.

We continue to taunt each other.
Slowly, playfully, flirting for many sunsets and many moons.
You bend down to me,
never taking your eyes away from me.
I return the stare and am caught in your gaze.
I feel light-headed, almost dizzy with delight!

It is then that I start to close my eyes
and let myself get lost in the moment.
I kiss you, moving slowly, gingerly toward your eyes
I nuzzle your nose
tease your mouth
and suddenly,
you touch my face ever so softly
your hands guide me to that place I have longed for so long
Our lips meet hungrily! Exploring one another.

My body is tingling
falling into oblivion.
Our lips dance to the music of the kiss.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Tonight's topic of discussion boys and girls is kissing. That's right, "locking lips" as it were. So I read an article in a girlie magazine and they asked the question: "What Makes A Kiss Bad?" Which got me thinking (brace yourselves!) about best kiss versus worst kiss. For me personally, I love kissing. But nothing ruins a kiss faster than a BAD kisser. To explain, last summer, I was on a first date with someone that a friend had set me up with. (Yes I'm a glutton for punishment!) There was no attraction on my part, but I could tell he was interested in me. At any rate, when he went in for the kiss, I let him. Hey, what can I say? I had some wine and the mood was right. Or maybe I just wanted it to be right. Bleh! So he kisses me and right away I'm thinking to myself, "Make it stop! Make it stop!!!" First, he had bad breath. Not beer breath or liquor breath, just BAD breath. Second, I felt as if a dog had lapped my face -it was so wet. And third, he nearly choked me with his tongue down my throat, on my teeth, it was like I was getting a free teeth cleaning! That kids, is an example of a BAD kiss! In contrast, I've had great kisses, but none compare to this one particular guy who is still to this day, the BEST I have ever kissed. Ok, so it helped that I was attracted to him. But I think even if I had not been, damn after kissing him I would have become attracted! Ha! What made it great? Hmmm, our first kiss was out of this world. -to me anyway. It was soft, and and tantilizing and daring, he caressed my face, looked into my eyes, and he knew exactly how to move his tongue in such a way that I didn't feel like he was shoving it down my throat. And there was no feeling of "dog lapping" residue on my face. He put an effort into the act and that made it very sexy, and me very happy! When I told a friend of mine the story of the bad kisser she asked me if it would have made a difference if he had had a mint to lessen the bad breath experience. I looked at her like she was crazy, "I wasn't going to try kissing him again!" She wanted to know why not? She said I should not discount him solely because of the kiss. Maybe if I had been attracted to him I would have given it another try. But I wasn't. So what was the point? Besides, some things you just can't erase and forget about. In the end I suppose everyone has their own bad kiss/great kiss version. Tell me some of yours and then, go out and kiss someone!

First week of 2011 -done! All in all, my week was pretty normal. Whatever that means. Work was crazy-busy and stressful, and hectic and chaotic, you know, the usual. Went back to my old friend, Gym. I neglected him during the holidays and while I still went occasionally, I was not as dedicated as I normally am. He was relentless and pretty pissed that I had been away so long. My aching body told me so. To show him how much I missed him, I did extra time on the treadmill, pushed myself to do hour and a half cadio-classes and even tried yoga! Yeah, yoga nearly killed me but I'll tell that story another time. Despite the aches, I feel great! And am ready to hit it again tomorrow! As for my self-imposed alcohol ban, I am happy to report that week one was a success. No alcohol. I was tempted over and over and over again by frienemies and friends alike, but I stood my ground and stuck to water or Sprite (just for the fizzies in my glass). I found it interesting that whenever I was asked, "What are you drinking?" or "Can I get you anything?" and I replied, "Water." or "No thanks, I'm good." I was met with looks of confusion. Whatever. I had one friend ask me why I was drinking water as if I was drinking motor oil or something equally disgusting. "Water? Why are you drinking that?" I just smiled and told him that I wanted water and that was that. It kind of bugged me a little. But then, as I thought more about it, I felt a little ashamed. Had I not just done the same thing to another friend last week on NYE? My friend Mariano was partying with us and I asked what he was drinking and he told me he was drinking Coke -straight. I remember rolling my eyes and mumbling something to him about it being NYE and "What do you mean you're not drinking?" Ugh! Could I really have been as obnoxious as the jesters that pestered me last week and over the weekend? Hmm, note to self, must refrain from heckling people who are not imbibing. But I am proud of myself. God knows I really wanted some wine last night. Really! But I didn't indulge and I feel great about that! So, I'm mentally preparing myself for the week ahead. You know me, Sunday nights make me anxious about work, this one being no different.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

While working out this morning, I was chugging along on the treadmill, panting breathing heavily, and sweating profusely. Really, when working out, there is no "cute" way to sweat. Which is why I don't get why some women are in full make up and hair done just right. The make-up is only going to smear and your hair will be all messy and well, wet if you sweat. But I digress... Where was I? Oh yeah, there I was in full work-out mode, when I heard my neighbor to the right of me. He was running on the machine, face intent, looking forward, listening to his ipod, when he started singing. LOUDLY! Everyone turned to look at him, some of us chuckled, some laughed out loud. But no one would tell him that we could all hear him sing. He was oblivious to us, he was in "the zone". Finally, because I felt bad for him, I reached over and tapped his arm. He looked startled, he slowed down his pace and removed the ear piece. I politely told him that we could hear him singing and then I smiled, trying hard not to start laughing. His face turned all kinds of red and he thanked me for telling him. Poor guy, he looked really embarrassed. I resumed my heavy panting on the treadmill and he resumed his running. But this time, he did not put the earpiece back in.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The funny thing is, I don't even like beer! I just wanted a catchy title but couldn't come up with one, so this the end result. I've decided to stop drinking any type of alcohol for the next three months. It goes hand in hand with my continued effort to lose more weight and working out this year. Besides, I was doing a little calculating in my head and realized that I went a little overboard with the number of "adult beverages" I consumed during the holidays. And by holidays, I'm including Halloween! Oh what the hell! I may as well include my birthday in that bunch too. Because anyone that knows me, knows I celebrate my birthday all month long! Ok, so from October to December 31st, I became the best of friends with Grey Goose, Ménage à trois (the wine kind, not the sexual kind, you pervs) Champagne and well, you get the picture, need I go on? I mean, I could if you want me to. So today, or last night rather, I decided to say good-bye to all of those friends. But only temporarily. A hiatus. What? Did you really think I could stay away from them permanently? Pfft! Shudder the thought! Why the rash action of "Just Say No!" ? Hmmm, well, besides the fact that all of those delicious drinks have tons of calories, I decided to do this as a way of cleaning house. What I mean is, it's a new year, this is my way of ridding myself of old baggage and old "life scars" that 2010 wrought. I'm ready to cleanse my soul and start fresh. I've been reading a slew of blogs that talk about resolutions and changes and getting in shape, yada, yada. This is my way of doing the same thing. The drinking sabbatical will only be for 3 months. Opening Day at Minute Maid Park (where the Astros play for those not in the know)in April. That's when I'll indulge in alcohol once again. Can I do it? Of course I can! Will it be hard? Of course it will! But it will give me discipline which is what I need in my life right now. Besides, I don't think it will be that difficult for me. I didn't start drinking until I was 30! That's right, I said 30! I told you I was a late bloomer. So three months sans any spirits should be easy peezie right? Right! Oh and I've recruited the Musketeers as well. One of them anyway. Michelle is on board but I am not sure about Maricela yet. I'll be giving you updates from time to time so you can track my progress. That way you can call me out if I fall or cheer me on if I keep it up or laugh at me, if I fall and drunk post about it! Exciting isn't it? I thought so.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I've been doing a lot of contemplating the last few days. About everything. My life, the past, the future, the Astros' upcoming season. And what I concluded about myself, is that I really don't know how to be in a relationship. I've been searching and longing for one for so long but really, I've never had a "serious" commitment before. I find that very odd, don't you? I mean, ok I was a very late bloomer when it came to boyfriends and dating and that whole scene. Part of it had to do with the fact that I was molested at a very young age. That experience was a traumatic one for me and it scarred me. But for the longest time I never acknowledged that it even happened. I never told anyone. I just simply willed myself to forget about it. And I did. My life was filled with growing up and playing with dolls and being a kid. But I was never the same after that. I shyed away from boys. And when my parents decided I should go to an all girl Catholic school, I gladly agreed. But as the years passed, and I got older, graduated from high school and began college, I started wondering why I never dated. Or why men never asked me out. Little by little, the memory of the summer 1977 came back to me.
I was 11 years old. At first, the memory came to me in fragments and I didn't understand what they meant. Here I was an adult, trying to get through college and I had these "visions" just pop into my head. I sought therapy, and I slowly, began addressing what had really happened. Once I did that, eveything else in my life suddenly made sense. Why I was the way I was. But now, here I am again, and I'm wondering if the reason I've never really had what you call a "serious" relationship, is because I don't know how to have one. Does that make sense? This new year, I will make it a point to face this new found dilemma of mine. I very much would like to meet a man, fall in love, have a normal relationship. But before any of that can happen, I've got to be healthy, mind, body and soul. So one of my goals is to work on myself, learn to love and accept myself the way I am. Of course, that's not to say, that I will not date, or kiss or flirt or have one night stands anymore, if I feel like it(don't judge me, times are tough!) Besides, I need blog material to keep you entertained!

I'm very optimistic about what is to come for me this year and the Astros season, and would love for you to join me on this venture.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy first day of the new year bloggers! How has everyone's first day of 2011 been so far? My first day started way too early. I had just drifted off to an alcohol-induced slumber, when I was awakened what seemed like minutes later, by my two crazy girlfriends! The reason? They were starving and the fridge was bare and they insisted we go out for breakfast -NOW! Here's the thing, we got in at 3:00 a.m., stayed up talking and laughing hysterically until 4:00 a.m. and at 8:00 a.m. these two freaks were waking me up! WTF?? Seriously? I think we were all still a bit drunk too. But hey, being the "team player" that I am, I dragged myself up and got ready to venture out on the first day of the brand spanking new year. Sporting dark sunglasses and after downing some aspirin, we were finally ready. Over breakfast, we relived all the crazy antics from the night before. One of my girlfriend's wanted to know why she had a big bruise on her ankle. "Gee I don't know, could that fall you took in the parking lot have anything to do with it?" Bahahaha! "I fell?" There were many more "black-out" moments like this that each one of us had to tell about the other. All of which each of us would deny. "What? No I didn't!" and "I did not do that! You're lying!" All the while knowing no one was lying! So that was how our breakfast went, we laughed, looked at the pictures, laughed some more and all agreed that last night was the best time ever. And it really was. Normally, I stay close to home on New Year's Eve, surrounded by family and very few close friends. But this year I really wanted to go out and do something different. And so I did. I got together with two of my friends who happen to be sisters. And Cuban. God help me! lol We went to a hotel for an evening of dancing and mingling with the pretty people. I was also super excited because for the first time in years, I was not the designated driver. Something I took full advantage of believe me! So what if I was moving in slow motion all day today? And so what if I was so dehydrated that I couldn't drink water fast enough!

I hesitated posting something tonight because I am so tired and my brain is not totally functioning. And I know that whatever I wrote would be less than my best. But I really, really, wanted to have something written on 1/1/11. So this is what you get. Yeah, yeah, I'm cheesy like that. Oh and because I know you're just dying to know, I sure did sport my red thong! Don't judge! I'm on a mission this year and need all the help I can get! ;)

About Me

Welcome to my blog! Here you will find a little of everything. Love, loss, anger issues, chaos! My life as I know it and then some! But I will also showcase my writing. It's my first love. Hopefully, my words can entice you to come back for more!
Happy Reading!