On Monday, July 27, 2009, my son, Micah Robert Wessman, went to his eternal home in Heaven after only 9 short months here on earth, his temporary home. This blog is a journal of our grief and how I am trying to lean upon the promises of God and my hope in Jesus Christ in order to meet the great challenges of grieving my son.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

One of the central tenants of the Christian faith is the need for each one of us to repent; that is, to seek God’s forgiveness for our behavior. Jesus tells us, “…unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” Luke 13:4. It may some harsh, but even those of us who have been deeply impacted by the death of a close loved one need to hear the call to repentance.

Like many other grieving parents, I was guilty of being self-absorbed in my own grief. Throughout various periods since Micah died, I have focused so heavily on my own grief that I shut out most everything else from our attention. Everything else in life, whether God, marriage, family, work, or hobbies took a backseat to the pain that was driving my life.
In his book, Hope for the Brokenhearted, theologian and fellow grieving father John Luke Terveen admits, “Pain had become the center of my existence, while God and his grace were all but excluded. The biggest obstacle that needed to be cleared away, preparing the way for the Lord to bring his grace and comfort, was my self-absorption.”

We cannot learn to trust in the promises of scripture if all we think about is our own pain. We cannot learn to learn wholly on God’s grace if are too busy trying to deal with our grief with our own strength. We, as grieving parents, need to recognize our need to move beyond ourselves and to turn our attention to the promises of God.
Terveen writes, “It may seem a curious and inappropriate thing to say to someone feeling profound loss, but the call to repent—to turn to the Lord—is the important first step in experiencing a divine comfort that begins the healing process.”

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

What if we felt like we never “tasted” the goodness of God? What if all we know in life is complete suffering and abject depravity? How do we respond when all we can’t see any good in life?

In the movie, the Grey, the main character, John Ottway, played by Liam Neeson, has endured trial after trial. After we are told that his wife has left him, and that he has even tried to commit suicide, the plane he is traveling on in the arctic crashes into the tundra. Throughout the movie, all of the rest of those who had survived the plane crash die by various causes: starvation, drowning, hypothermia, or at the jaws of a pack of wild wolves. At the climax of the movie, Ottway sits alone in the wilderness, pleading for God to show him a sign---anything to prove that God is real, that God cares about him, and that God will save him from this predicament. Following a few moments of silence, Ottway states matter-of-factly, “Fine, I’ll do it myself.”

As the title of the movie suggests, Ottway could not see the brightness of the blessings of God anywhere. Everything about this particular movie is colored by a grey despondency. For so many of us, the accumulation of a seemingly unending line of personal sufferings, events without any readily apparent redeeming values, beats one’s attitude into despondency. As a result, we feel like we have no hope for help from Heaven, and that we must, like Ottway, “do it ourselves.”

In contrast to Ottway’s mentality in suffering is the example of King David. While King David experienced numerous and multiple different types of sufferings, he did not live in “the grey” of a Godless despondency. Even in his most difficult days, he trusted in a good and sovereign (all-powerful) God who He knew was using David’s sufferings for greater purposes.

In Psalm 63, David writes,
“O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you; my soul thirsts for you,
As in a dry and weary land where there is no water.
So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory.
Because you steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.”
Psalm 63:1-3.

The difference between David and Ottway was not that David endured less significant trials. What kept David’s faith alive through difficult days was a reflection upon all that God had done for him in the past and to trust that God would similarly use the present sufferings for his ultimate good. David saw the past blessings provided to him as a demonstration that God loved him. This promise was, in itself, more precious to David than even his own earthly life.
David’s reflections upon certain past blessings (his time “in the sanctuary”) keep him going through difficult days. For us, it can be the memory of past experiences, when we are walking along the mountaintops of life, in the sunshine with God, that could maintain our faith in a good and sovereign God even through the dark valleys of life. If we were to continually remind ourselves of these past experiences of God in our life, resulting in blessings to us both large and small, then we should be able to keep praises of God “continually on our mouths.” (Psalm 34:1). Then, when nothing seems to be going right in life, we can bring these blessings to mind, and use them as footholds of faith when we otherwise can’t see the benefits of suffering.

Both of Ottway and King David have, like many of us, experienced forms of suffering that, at the time, appeared to have no redeeming value. The key question for us is whether we will respond by succumbing to the “do it yourself” mentality of fighting through suffering without God (i.e., “in the grey,” ) or using past blessings from God as evidence that God is loving and powerful, and in so doing, living in the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

The Story of Micah's Last Days on Earth

During the week of July 20th, 2009, I (Cory) hired a roofing company to re-shingle our home in South Minneapolis. On Thursday afternoon, July 23rd, Heather went to her sister's house in Edina to avoid the noise and allow Micah to nap per his normal routine. In the early evening, Micah had his usual dinner. He sat in a plastic high chair that was secured on top of a regular table chair. After enjoying his finger foods of chicken and peas, Heather went to the sink to get a cloth to clean up Micah's face and hands.

During that time, Micah was accidentally unbuckled from his chair. As Heather walked back to Micah to wash him up, she watched as Micah leaned forward to touch his toes and tumbled forward, falling head first onto the ceramic tile.

Heather was within feet of Micah and immediately picked up Micah from the floor. Micah cried loudly for about 30 minutes. After about 30 minutes of crying and wanting to be held by his mother, he calmed down. Micah developed a bump above his left eye. Micah also developed a strange cough immediately after the fall.

Heather made several calls to the pedicatrician and to the Children's Hospital emergency room to determine if Micah should be seen and evaluated by a doctor. After conflicting suggestions, Heather decided to take Micah down to the ER to be evaluated. Micah was seen by a resident and a doctor and was checked over for any signs of head injury or other injuries. The doctors determined that Micah exhibited no signs of a concussion or other head injury, and so no head scan was taken. Heather and I informed the doctors of the cough, but the doctors felt that the cough was unrelated to the fall. Heather, Micah and I then went home.

On Friday, July 24th, Micah seemed happy and acted normal. Micah engaged in his normal Friday activities, including going to music class. In the evening, Micah developed a temperature following his normal bedtime. He woke up fussy and was not acting life himself. Heather called the pediatrician and the ER triage nurse. The nurse indicated that the fever was unrelated to the fall, and that if his temperature rose to 105 to bring him back to the ER. After several hours of trying to consol Micah, we decided to bring him back to the ER for further evaluation.

At the ER, the nurse practictioner who was assigned to Micah determined that Micah had developed pneumonia. The chest x-ray showed pneumonia but no signs of further complications. Micah was given an IV antibiotic. He was discharged and given instructions to meet with the pediatrician for an antibiotic shot the following day. The issue of the cough was brought up again; it was determiend that he could has aspirated some food (i.e. swallowed food down his lung) because of the fall. The doctor was not overly concerned about the cough.

On Saturday, July 25th, Micah was seen by his primary pedicatrician. He was given a shot of antibiotic and was further evaluated. It was determined that no further treatment was necessary, but that Micah should be seen by the pediatrician the following Tuesday for an x-ray. The x-ray would determine if the pneumonia had improved. If it had not, the pediatrician should that it would be necessary for a doctor to sedate Micah and use a scope to remove the foreign body from Micah's lung.

On Sunday, July 26th, we were hoping to attend the 11:00 am service at Bethlehem Baptist Church in downtown Minneapolis. Before church, I headed to Target around 9:30 to pick up a prescription for Micah. Micah woke up from his nap while Heather was drying her hair in the bathroom. Micah let out a terrible little cry, and Heather immediately ran into his run. Micah then started chocking, and immediately turned blue.

Heather called 911 and started CPR on Micah. I arrived home and tried to relay CPR instructions from the 911 operator to Heather, who was attempting to resuscitate Micah. Within 1 minute of my arrival, the fire department arrived. The fire department personnel attempted, to no avail, to resuscitate Micah. Within 2 or 3 minutes, the paramedics arrived. They, too, were unsuccessful in attempting to resuscitate Micah.

After about 25 more minutes, Micah was transported by ambulance to Children's Hospital in Minneapolis. Heather rode in the front seat of the ambulance. I rode with a police officer in his squad car behind the ambulance.

Once at the hospital, a team of doctors and nurses continued their attempts to resuscitate Micah. We were met almost immediately at the hospital by a social worker and a chaplain. During the next 20 minutes or so, we continued to receive updates that the doctors and nurses were not able to resuscitate Micah. At that time, we were told by one of the head doctors to go into Micah's room and say goodbye to Micah.

As we were walking into the room, the doctors stopped us and indicated that they had been able to finally get a pulse going again. They were also able to incubate him and, with the assistance of machines, get him breathing again. The head doctor apparently made hard chest compression to restart Micah's heart. The doctors immediately cautioned us, however, that because of the length of time that Micah went without oxygen to his brain (about 1.5 hours), he would have permanent brain damage. Micah was then moved to a room in the instensive care unit in South Minneapolis.

Later that afternoon, I was in his room when an Ear-Nose-Throat specialist placed a scope down Micah's lung. There, he found a pea that had collapsed his right lung. The E-N-T specialist was able to remove the pea. At this point, the doctors believe that Micah suffocated on a combination of this pea and the flem material generated by his lung as a result of the pneumonia.

That evening, I asked the nurse in charge of Micah's care whether we should be praying for his recovery or praying for his "going home." She responded, without hesitation, that we should pray for his "going home." Heather and I did not sleep at all that Sunday night. We (along with many others) lifted up many prayers to the Lord asking the Lord to spare our Micah's life.

On Monday, July 27th, Heather and I, along with our families, Pastor Kenny Stokes and our pediatrician met with the head doctor in the intensive care unit to discuss Micah's situation. He indicated that Micah had little to no brain activity, and that he had no chance of recovery. They provided us with the option to remove Micah from life support at any time. At that time, it appeared that he may have had enough brain function to breath on his own if he were removed from the ventilator.

The Lord provided Pastor Kenny with the verse, "Away from the body, present with the Lord." We determined that because Micah would never have any brain activity, it was time for us to say goodbye to our only son, Micah Robert Wessman, so that he could go home to be with Jesus.

All of our extended families gathered in Micah's room. Due to all of the lines and cords coming from his little body, several nurses had to assist in transferring Micah from his bed to my lap. Heather sat in a chair next to me. We sang a number of hymns together, including "Children of the Heavenly Father" and "Jesus Love Me." Heather then kissed Micah goodbye, telling Micah, through tears, to "run to Jesus, sweetie, run to Jesus."

For the next hour, we waited for a local organ donation company to arrive and review Micah's status for organ donation purposes. (We later learned that a child benefitted from receiving Micah's heart valves.) During that time, the doctors determined that Micah's brain functions further deteriorated, and Micah was not able to breath on his own. Apparently, Micah had listed to his mother one last time, and he ran to Jesus.

After meeting with the organ donation company, I went into Micah's room. Also present were my parents, my brother Scott, Pastor Kenny and Tim Gilbert. The doctor and the nursing staff removed all of Micah's tubes. Within a few minutes of having his tubes removed, Micah died in my arms. After a few minutes of holding the body of my son in my arms, my brother read from Romans 11:33-36.

We love our son very much, and always will love him. He will always be our son. It is our strong conviction that after he died, he was received directly into the arms of our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

About Cory (Micah's Dad)

I am 35, a Christian, married to my beautiful wife Heather, and the father of three sons, Micah Robert Wessman, born October 30, 2008, died July 27, 2009; Owen , born May 14, 2010; and Brendan, born August 9, 2011.