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6.14.2013

I won't hesitate

It'd been a long day. Actually, a long week. I was feeling overwhelmed and stifled. After dinner, I told my parents that I was going to take a walk and would be back in an hour or so. I needed some fresh air. I needed to clear my head.

The evening was cool, yet perfect to wear just a tshirt and shorts. I pulled my hair up in a bun as I walked. I didn't know where to go. I just opened my front door, stepped onto the sidewalk and put one foot in front of the other. I looked at the ground as I took step after step, the motion of my body making a beat that I started humming to.

I stopped suddenly and looked around me. I thought I had heard the soft strains of music. A guitar and a voice. I glanced back in the direction I knew my house was, but realized that I had walked pretty far in the short amount of time I'd been outside.

There it was again. I was sure I heard it this time. It was coming from behind a house. Down an alley. And sitting on a low wall was a boy. With a guitar.

I peeked around the corner of the wall and watched him. I recognized the song he was singing...

"You were singing," he said. His voice was musical even when he spoke.

"I was?" I touched my fingers to my lips. "Sorry."

He gave a small smile. "Don't be. You sounded good."

"Thanks."

I didn't know what else to say. I felt like an idiot just standing there.

"Would you like to join me?" He patted the wall next to him. "I just thought it was too beautiful of an evening to sit in a house. So I came out here and decided to make some music."

I walked over slowly and scooted up onto the wall. It was taller than it had looked from a distance. He reached out to help me up and his hand grasped mine firmly. When I was seated, he let go of me, then extended his hand with a smile.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you."

I returned his smile and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you too. Thanks...for letting me join you."

"It's a free country," he said with a quick wink.

I laughed a little.

"So you know Steve Moakler's songs?"

I nodded. "A few. 'Hesitate' is my favorite by him, though."

"Mine too."

We sat in silence for a few seconds while he randomly picked his guitar's strings, and frogs serenaded us from a nearby pond.

"Sing with me."

I looked at him. He didn't blink.

"You know the song. I'll play, you sing."

"I don't like singing in front of people," I said quietly.

"Okay, then I'll sing with you."

I gave a small shrug.

He turned a little till he was sitting, facing me. His checkered shorts reminded me of something you'd wear to the beach.

He began the intro to the song. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

The human heart is a scary part in fact...

As we sang, I grew more confident. When we reached my favorite part of the song, I felt myself singing with more gusto. I had missed music this week. I had been too stressed to enjoy my favorite songs.

Cuz I'm fearful of heights and you take me higher

What came with you was a view to admire

I've always been the kind to contemplate

But you like the kind that don't hesitate.

So excuse me while I fall for you...

The guitar stopped. I opened my eyes.

"That's not the end of the song," I told him.

"I know," he answered. "It's just..."

"What?"

"Have you ever wondered what your hesitation causes in the long run? In this song, it's talking about deciding to love someone or not. And what if you do love them. But what if your hesitation is keeping you from telling them, keeping you from having a life with that person. Keeping you both from happiness..."

Silence reigned for a few seconds again as we contemplated his thoughts. I let my flip flops fall to the ground and swung my feet gently.

I was the first to speak.

I looked at my bright green nail polish on my toes as I talked. "We're never promised tomorrow. If we know in our heart that someone is the right person, if we feel God letting us fall for someone special - we need to do something about it. Now. Without hesitation. It's better to do something now and it not work out, than not do it and one day, look back and wonder what could have been."

"And there's always the possibility that doing something now will have positive consequences."

I smiled and looked up at him. "Yeah. That's true."

He plucked a few more notes on his guitar. "Thank you...for saying that."

I gave a small shrug. "No problem. I never get very thoughtful with a stranger. Sorry if I sounded really cheesy."

"I like cheesy."

"Me too."

We both laughed.

I pulled out my phone and glanced at the time. "I should probably get going." I slipped down from the wall and he did too.

"Thanks for letting me join you," I said, reaching out a hand.

He held his guitar in one hand, and grasped mine with the other. "No, thank you. For giving me the pleasure of your company. I was hoping I'd have someone to enjoy the evening with. I just didn't know it'd be a pretty stranger."

I felt myself blush a little. "Oh, thank you."

"Do you mind if I call you later this week? Maybe we can get together and sing again sometime?"