Welcome to Toronto Sun Cover Reviews, a blog on which I post daily reviews of Toronto Sun covers.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

27 March 2010

Front and centre: A teenage murder case ends in mistrial. Not funny, except for the alliterated mmmms in the sub-headline. Must they?

Top centre: "Keep your doors locked," warns a tiny convicted rapist. That oughta scare EVERYONE. On a different note . . . what a bad rapist. This knucklehead is giving away the secrets of his trade, like a disgruntled magician who tells everyone how the Chinese Linking Rings trick works. Idiot!

Top right: Buy a lottery ticket, monsieur. Chances are you'll win!

Bottom: You lost the lottery, you poor piece of shit. Now how are you going to pay for that toilet you installed on the roof of your cottage?

Summary: Law and order has broken down. Teenage thugs murder with impunity. The streets are teeming with retarded rapists. On top of it all, you've got a roof-toilet that you'll never be able to afford. Stay indoors, near the window, with a gun.

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Why?

The Toronto Sun is the city of Toronto's most reactionary/hilarious newspaper, with a broad readership that includes everyone from old men who wear track pants and fish in the Don River to young women with Support Our Troops tramp stamps.