Some time later Guy stumbled back to his hotel room, narrowly avoiding taxis and lampposts in his trance. Pittsburgh was transformed into a nightlife haven, with the bright neon lights making the streets glow. It all just added to Guy’s euphoria. It was incredible. He’d only known the girl for a couple of hours now, had only spoken to her for one minute, and he was already captivated, was already mentally planning the wedding.

He snapped himself out of it to find his door key, and let himself in. The room was very neat and orderly, just like Guy himself, with the bed made perfectly and the sink gleaming. Even the chocolates from his pillow were carefully arranged in a geometric pattern on the bedside table. But tonight he didn’t care for these fiddly little things. Instead, he kicked off his shoes (the autographed one ending up, somehow, in the bin), crawled under the cool white sheets, and pressed his face into the fresh pillow. He had suddenly become tired, and had abandoned all ideas of going to the Cobra concert to slip into dreamland instead. With one last thought to Victoria, he fell into a deep sleep.

Before he knew what was happening he was being swept out of the window of the hotel room, clinging to his pillow, struggling to rise above the current. He was being dragged along by some unstoppable red liquid, though what it was he wasn’t sure. And something smelled delicious… but now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Guy struggled and struggled, but eventually gave in and decided to hold his breath for a while. He took a sharp breath and let the current drag him under.

Next thing he knew, he was on top of a skyscraper. He could see, miles below, or so it seemed, the red liquid beginning to subside, leaving wrecked cars and destroyed buildings behind. ‘Wow,’ he thought to himself, ‘I haven’t been this high since university.’

But the silence was quickly broken with the roar of a terrible beast. Before Guy could escape a huge monster swooped down on him, its purple cloak flapping across his face. It was relentless, coming at him again and again, but never actually doing any physical harm. Eventually the beast came to land, and Guy looked up slowly, absolutely terrified, to see a faintly familiar face. It was Justin Timberlake.

He held out his hand. ‘Come on, Guy! What’re you waiting for?!’

But Guy made no response. He had already seen his life flash before him, lying petrified on the cold concrete: his first teddy bear, Arthur; getting sent to Eton; his first kiss with Julie Baker from down the road; the time he graduated with his journalism degree. He realised then, that life was far too short. Lying there, covered in tomato sauce with a giant Justin Timberlake towering above him, he made a decision.

And so Guy woke up, wiped the drool from his mouth, and went into the bathroom. He had to get ready for tonight.