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Wednesday, June 24, 2015

My daughter asked me to buy men’s razors instead of women’s
razors the next time we needed them. I told her “No” women’s razors are made
for curves and men’s razors were made for more rugged terrain like beards. She
informs me that she read an article on the internet that said there was very
little difference and men’s razors were cheaper and more durable.

So I had to try.

I picked up the Gillette razor with the roller ball head and
gave it a test run. WELL! Let me tell you, my legs have never been so soft! It
cut the hair below the follicle and it stayed soft for about two days longer!
The razor was also cheaper than the female equivalent and lasted about two
weeks longer!

I couldn’t believe it. We have been lied to all these years.
Marketers have been selling us pink plastic razors and charging us more for them.
They have been keeping us away from the men’s section like it had some kind of
taboo curse on it.

I started to do some research and found out that the main
difference between a male and female razor is basically the colour. The blades
themselves are made from the same material. The male razor is made to be more
durable because a beard is obviously harsher than the hair on a female’s legs
and the handles are stronger because a man’s hands are typically bigger and
stronger.

But that’s a good thing! Some of us have big man hands and
course hair.

The price is also different. A pack of four male razors are
cheaper than four female razors.

I found the male razors lasted longer, were easier to use
because the grip was better and gave me a much better shave. They are also
easier to clean because it seems like the blades are spaced a little farther
apart.

I also researched shave gels. Apparently the only difference
between male and female shave gels are the smell and the price! Male gel is
usually cheaper, comes in a bigger container and you need less of it.

So there you go! Don’t get sucked in by the pink, plastic,
flower razors. Reach for the rugged, blue blade and give it a test run with
your big man hands.

Be careful, both cause nicks that can bleed and feel like
you’re dying. So take your time around the tender lady bits.

That’s right tampons. No red and white balloons and
streamers for me. Just pure white tampons. I’ll make them Canadian at the end
of the month.

The federal government is pulling the string on the GST on
feminine hygiene products, including tampons, starting July 1st.

That’s right. No more bleeding us dry.

Fill up the cart ladies because it’s estimated that removing
the tax will cost the government around $36 million! Who’s bleeding now?

And it’s not just tampons! We won’t be paying the tax on
sanitary napkins, sanitary belts or menstrual cups (Who the hell sticks that in
them and empties it? That’s taking being environmentally friendly to the
extreme).

And who do we have to thank for tax free periods? NDP MP
Irene Mathyssen. Ms. Mathyssen sponsored a private member's bill that pulled
the plug on taxing tampons.She was
quoted as saying, “This is a victory for all women.”

Yes! Damn the vote and equal pay for equal work. I am
padding my pension with the tax savings from bleeding for free. Well tax free
anyway.

Except for one thing. I am in menopause. I don’t bleed
anymore. So do I get a tax rebate for years of bleeding without dying? Do I at
least get a break on my income tax for almost 40 years of bloating and cramps?

Nothing?

Well Stephen Harper can take his tax free tampons and stick
it where men should never attempt to put a tampon but we know they have thought
about it.

That’s right! Right up his nose.

Hey Steve, if you want the female vote, give us tax free
Vodka or wine. God knows I’d have to be drunk to vote for you anyway.

I am Funny Like That

Helen C. Escott retired from the world renowned Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) in 2014 as the Senior Communications Strategist for Newfoundland and Labrador. Before joining the RCMP she worked in the media for 13 years (OZ FM/ VOCM/ CJYQ) in various positions including reporter, on-air personality, marketing and promotions.

In Retirement, Escott writes a blog called “I am Funny Like That” and has over 123,000 readers worldwide. Now this hysterical blog has come to life a witty book! It ranked on Amazon’s bestsellers list as #6 in Kindle Store and #20 in Books.

Escott has a unique perspective on life and a funny way of looking at it. From wearing granny panties to Brazilians to capturing the essence of a moment in a person’s life. Escott will make you laugh out loud and feel better about yourself. She is the best friend you have always wanted and the life of the party. You will be glad you invited her into your life.

If you have thrown your back out taking off Spanx, planned your husband's murder in your head or screamed through a Brazilian, this book is for you.

If you need a good laugh, or need to smile, this book is better than Prozac it will make you laugh out loud for days after reading it. 123,000 blog readers can't be wrong! Join in the laughter.