Category Archive

I like to eat. I mean, I LERVE to eat. Love it. Its really my favorite thing to do. On a rainy day? Eat. On a sunny day? Eat. Windy? Food. When I’m sad, I eat. Also, when I’m happy.

I also love to read cookbooks. Right now I’m reading Orangette’s Book , and it really is mouthwateringly witty. Fo Sho. I can’t wait to have a proper kitchen again (someday…sigh…) so that I can prepare some food stuffs. Specifically some Butternut Squash Soup. It has pears in it. I am happy just thinking about it.

So, yeah, eating and being a general generic foodie is really my passion. I’ve eaten lots of yummy things, and I thought that it would only be fair that I share the Yummy Things I’ve Eaten with you.

Bar None THE Yummiest of Things I’ve Eaten

Several years ago in Chicago, my sister in law, Vanessa, took us to brunch at a little place called The Bongo Room. I had french toast. I know: woo hoo. But this was no ordinary breakfast fare. It was French TOAST!!!!!

It was thick french bread. Baked to perfection. With ripe bananas, crunchy pecans, light and fluffy toffee butter and rich, delicious maple syrup. And, it was a healthy serving, too. But, don’t worry, I finished it all.

The beautiful part of this meal was the toffee butter. I don’t know how they did it. It was, as I mentioned, light and fluffy. Real butter. With toffee in it. Whoduthunk?

I have tried, for five years, to replicate this recipe. I have come close, but not even touched upon this breakfast’s wonderment. I can’t get the butter right. Good Lord on Friday, that was good! I can taste it right now. Yummyumyummy. Yum.

The next time I visited Ness, I asked that we Brunch at Bongo. We did. My mouth was watering. Literally. Spittle was running down my chin. We were seated. We were menu’d. Then, the saddest thing ever happened: The dish was no longer on the menu.

I’m sure I had something good instead, but I’ll be damned if I remember what the hell it was…

The Second Yummiest Thing I Have Put into my Piehole

Again. Chicago. I think all of the Tasty Treats I’ve eaten come straight from the belly of ChiTown. Also, again with the brunch, and again with the french toast. The restaurant was Feast.

These trendy restaurants are always my favorites. Also, and diner with one name is going to be good. Also, places that only seat about fourteen people, are the best. I don’t know how we didn’t have to wait in line, but we got right in! (And, also? It seats more than fourteen people. I was exaggerating.)

This one was made with challah. It had some berry compote and cream running all over it. It was so sweet. And, also, creamy. And perfect. And tasty. And delicious. And yummy. So so yummy.

There was no point in trying to recreate this delicacy. I don’t even want to. I couldn’t. I don’t want to disappoint my own self, and undoubtedly, I would.

I will just cherish it in my head. Cuz, if I ever get to Feast again, it prolly won’t be on the menu.

And, Thirdly? More of the Same

Chicago. June, 2009. The place: Meli’s Diner in Greektown. Brunch. This time, with no husband in tow, I was on a budget. Typically, I wouldn’t go spending a trillion dollars on breakfast, what, with a H&M so very close, but it had to be done. When I saw the item (first thing listed on menu) I knew we were meant to be together. Even if for a short time.

This meal, like every other wonderful meal in Chicago I have eaten, was a chef’s special.

It was an omelet. So very fluffy-like. It was filled with pancetta, goat cheese, and scallions. The clincher, my friends was this ingredient: Figs. Fresh ones.

You may think it sounds like it wouldn’t go together…but whenever I took a bite with a fig in it, the little fig seeds exploded in my mouth with a burst of sweetness, mixed with the tangy flavor of the goat cheese, mixed with the gorgeousness of the pancetta, and the bitiness of the scallion, OH HOLY GRACIOUS! SO GOODY GOOD!

Other Things That Rank Close

My friend Shawnie makes the most delicious guacamole. She uses cream cheese, which makes it extra creamy. If its not at her house when I am? I take it as a personal affront. Like she’s on purpose trying to hurt me in my feelings.

I went to Chicago a couple weeks ago and had hot dogs at some little hole in the wall place called Jean and Jude’s. No sitting, and there are just the bare bones as far as toppings. Mustard, ketchup, relish and peppers (I nixed the peppers. Gross!) The best part is that they top the dog off with fries. I got a single and it was something like $2.50. Cheap and delicious. My fave!

My Gramma makes THE BEST lasagna I’ve ever had. Cheese Ey. So delish! Its perfect. I’m always for a cheesy dish. I love pasta, but could always do without all the meat. Too many people focus on the ground burger or sausage or whatever other meat they put into the sauce, but I think in any pasta dish it’s the cheese that counts. Lots of ricotta, mozarella, and cottage cheeses. Its also one of those familial recipes that gets passed down, and I have yet to get it right. My lasagna is good, but Gramma’s is divine!

I just wanted to say “whereupon”. Don’t even know if its an actual word. But, you know me, I don’t care.

Last night I had a dream that my office was THE Office, and we sold real estate, not paper, as my office does. And, we all went on a business trip to Mississippi to see the architecture of a subdivision called Whitehills Cove. In this sub, all the homes were built with ships. Like, in some, the upstairs was the ship; others, the downstairs. That’s neither here nor there except that there really IS a sub called Whitehills Cove in the city where I live, and that stupid ass book was set in Mississippi.

The good part of my dream is that John Krasinski and I were having an affair! And, because even in my dreams I am PG rated, by “affair” I mean we were kissing. Not even that tongue down your throat, heavy petting kind of kiss, but those sweet kisses that are soft and leave you wanting more soft kisses. We were doing this behind Karen’s back (who was his girlfriend in the Office two seasons ago), and also behind my boyfriend’s back (who I BELIEVE was Ryan Gosling, but I’m not sure…he WAS in the dream, tho).

Also, Julie Aves, Susie Carmen and Jennifer Jackson were all in this dream. It was Julie’s birthday and we took her to the Meridian Mall to celebrate. None of you but Kir will have any idea what any of that is. Trust me. It was weird, and funny. I’m not even sure what the hell any of those girls had to do with anything (I went to school with all of them).

The thing was, I woke up from this dream, and prayed that when I fell back to sleep, I would still be in it. And, I was!!! And, those sweet kisses have made me happy all day long!!

Seriously, a shrink would have so much fun with me!

PLUS, John Krasinski? Excellent kisser. I’m not so sure he should’nt be put on my list. So Thank You Jim Halpert. You’ve got great lips.

When I was shoveling my driveway for THREE EFFING HOURS this morning, a whole slew of thoughts were in my head. Also, there was a great deal of snot dangling off my nose. Dont worry. I wiped it with my glove. Dont worry. I bought the gloves at the Dollar Store, so its allllll good.

One of the thoughts was the title to this post. Though, now that I’m writing, and none of the thoughts are coming back to me, the title seems a bit out of place. I think there was going to be a lot of effings and such. Because of the shoveling. Oh, and there was also going to be a Frosty the Snow BITCH. But, I’m kind of over my Snow Anger. A little. My shoulders are very sore. I wish we had a fricking snow blower. That is my one Christmas wish.

I did not make the Gingerbread Men this weekend. But, I redeemed myself this afternoon, and then my kid totally stood me up on the decorating because he really wanted to watch Inspector Gadget. Bah Humbug. I made him decorate two. Then he was just goofing off and not making faces on these Gingerbread People and I thought they would get pissed off at me for not having noses, and come after me at night whilst I slept, so Inspector Gadget it was. I put faces on those things, I will tell you that. And also? They are Dlishus! I’ve never made them before, so I am quite proud of myself.

Inside the Actor’s Studio played a 2002 show with Johnny Depp. I want to crawl into his mouth and swim in his saliva. I’m not even joking, here. I actually want to be in his mouth. I don’t care that he’s not washed his hair in eight years. This only makes him more attractive to me. Even though he says “you know?” a lot. I would make him dress like a pirate and shiver me timbers.

Perhaps that’s the PG-13 part?

The other night John Cusack was on ITAS. It was then that I realized I really was in love with Lloyd Dobler, because the actual John Cusack is kinda annoying.

I’m not reading anything right now because I’m getting ready for the motherlode of books that will hopefully be shoved into my stocking for Christmas. I asked for Run by Ann Patchett and Middlesex by that person who wrote it. Then when I was at the bookstore the other day, I saw that Dennis Lehane has a new book of shorts that is out, and this made me happy and I immediately called BH at work and told him to get on it.

As a general rule, I don’t read series. I don’t want to get involved with the same people over and over. I’m already married. But, something about Dennis Lehane makes me want to read every single book Patrick and Angela are in. And, I don’t even really like crime/suspense or whatever genre these books are. So, I really want this book.

While I was at the bookstore, I found Holden this book. We have most of these books. Piratology, Wizardology, Dragonology and Fairyopolis. Oh, and also the Wandmaker. Holden needed the Wizardology handbook to “complete his course” in becoming a Wizard. This kid really thinks that he’s going to be a wizard. I’m all for it. After he completes his course in Wizardness then he thinks I’m going to allow him to take the wand out of the Wandmaker book and use it.

Listen ducks. I wanted that Wandmaker book with everything that was in me. My friend Kellie got it for me for my birthday, and it probably was the greatest gift I’ve ever gotten for my birthday. Until I realized that there was an actual wand in the back. NOW, I am a Christian, for sure, but I do believe in majic. Not the hocus pocus kind, but I believe in powers. And, I’m just not real sure if I’m a good witch, or a bad witch, and I sure as hell was not going to give that wand a whirl not knowing exactly what kind of powers I have! Who knows who I would accidentally kill with that thing.

Holden loves that wand, and wants to get it out so bad. I’m not sure what his powers are either. In the back of the Wizardology book it says that if you can see yourself right side up in this crystal thingamabob then you are a wizard. I told Holden when that happens, he can have that wand, for sure.

Seriously. If that does happen? I’m getting the hell out of dodge. Well…First I’ll make him *poof* me a snowblower. But immediately after; I’m outta dodge fer sure.

Heres whats on the docket today: Breakfast~ Pumpkin Waffles. I don’t know how they taste yet, but they smell D-lishus!!
Later~ Gingerbread Boys and Girls. What Holden wants, Holden gets.
Later Still~ Four thousand loaves of Banana Bread. I am one of those people who puts every single banana in the freezer that looks like it may be too ripe. I have 10 bananas thawing. I am going to make the bread for my three neighbors that I like. I am a nice neighbor lady.

Tonite Holden and BH are going to a MSU basketball game. HOO HAA! This will leave me at least three hours of solitude. Then by the time they get back it will be Holdens bedtime and Big Hands has a show tonite, so POOF! more solitude.

You would think that I would get enough alone time during the week with the kid in school and the husband at work and me unemployed. But there is something totally special and different about Night Time Aloneness. Thats the only thing I really miss about being single.

First off, I loved my apartment. It was crooked and old and the walls leading up to it were covered in shag carpet. I know. Nothing could be better. My Uncle built me bookcase, and it was great. Mostly because it was hand made and shelved everything I held dear. My apartment had a golden chair that belonged to my Gramma, a cat, and the tiny tiny tv that my Uncle had in prison (I’ll save that story for later. Want to get your jowls good and slobbery…). It had my parents old kitchen table and a guy who lived downstairs that fixed my brakes for me. It had a window that went from almost floor to almost ceiling facing the street. I used to open that window and sit on the floor and smoke cigarettes while watching stuff happen.

At night I would read a book or watch tv or eat a whole loaf of garlic bread…whatever I wanted. There was a bar within walking distance.

Then I got pregnant and BH moved in. He ruined that place for me. All of his stuff all over. The cozy small apartment became overstuffed and uncomfortable. Way to go Big Hands.

It all worked out in the end. I wouldn’t trade this house for that old apartment. I could have never done all this baking in that old rickety kitchen, but I do miss curling up on that gold chair with my cat and a book, and maybe some Friends on my itty bitty prison television.

Our monitor took a good long piss on us last week. Now I am looking at one of those gargantuan monitors. It hurts my head.

My car is making a funny noise. Now I am driving it very trepidatiously around town.

I may get a job offer today, and I wonder if it will be worth my while.

My freezer is filled with Christmas cookies. I am one baking Hot Mama.

Since deciding to watch nothing but QVC from now on, my mother has procured for me the following goodies:
1. Silicone bake ware. Do you bake on silicone? You should. Nothing sticks to those sumbitches.
2. Two sets of tupperwarish storage bowls.
3. A set of stone bake ware. These are the marvelous things.
4. Some bowls that are made of silicone that are bendy. I’m not entirely sure what to do with those, but the picture shows that you can pour liquids out of them with ease. I guess I will be pouring.
5. All new stainless steel measuring spoons like the pros use. And, also, measuring spoons. The spoons even come with “smidge”, “dash”, and “pinch”. I will tell you that a pinch is a lot more than you thought it was. I am looking forward to becoming a Measuring Pro.
6. Porcelain Angel plug ins that smell like vanilla.
7. A ceramic/iron casserole dish that is a lovely shade of blue-greenish.

My mother will be 50 on Friday. I am making her an ice-cream cake. I can do this, now that I have all of the above provisions.

The best part of Christmas for me has always been the presents. Oh. And, the birth of my Lord and Savior. But really? Its the presents. I appreciate Jesus all the time, not just at Christmastime. So let us back to the presents, okay? Good.

My mother always had the canny ability to store things in her head for a later date. By the time Christmas came around, I had forgotten that I wanted, no! needed a long fuzzy black sweater…but not my mom! Every year there always seemed to be that one gift that I absolutely, positively could not live without. Well, there always seemed to be the 458 gifts…my mom has no breaks. I never needed to make her a list, she always just seemed to know.

Big Hands is the same way. Some girls marry their Daddy; I married my Mom. BH is a great GREAT GREAT gift giver, and he also has no breaks. Never once has he asked for a list.

He does not afford me the same luxury.

The few first years we were together, I would get him things that I thought he needed/wanted. Though he never came right out and said it, I could see the look of disappointment. He is not easy to please. About anything. So. The past few years I have asked him for a list and I have gotten exactly what is on it. No variations. And, he was pleased. And, it was good.

See? He is easy. And, he will be so happy to have all these, Oh! and also these. And also some new boxer shorts. I have seen three pair in the trash this week alone.

But what cracks me up about his list is that it could not be more indicative about what kind of person my husband is. One knows everything they need to know about BH just by reading his Christmas list.

I have no list. What does that say about me?!

Holden’s list contains, among other smaller items, and ipod and a Nintendo DS. This tells me that my kid really reaches for the stars…He is getting the DS, from Santa, and much to Mrs. Santa’s chagrin…What’re ya gonna do?

There is a stranger in my house, ladies. And it is large. And it is trying its damnest to impose itself upon me. It is 46 inches. And flat. And, have I mentioned that its ginormous? Because it is.

While watching this brand spanking new television, procured at 5am on Black Friday at Circuit City by my Dear BH, I think to myself, “I never realized Tyra is so enormous!” Then I realize that it could be, I mean quite possibly it is that its just the gigantitude of the television itself, and perhaps, just maybe, Ms. Banks breasts are actually NOT the size of watermelons. But they really probably are.

So now, this morning, now that everyone is gone back to work and back to school, I sit here in the computer/game room where we’ve moved the old tv into. The normal sized telly. The one that makes those models look small. Just like me. And, I’m watching that television, secretly feeling like I’m being ungreatful for the Big One. Though, in reality, having two tvs is going to be great for those Sundays when its nothing but Football. I can come in here with a clean conscious and watch replays of The Hills. Or Real World. Or Gilmore Girls. The options are endless, really. Truly a Christmas Miracle!

I was NOT ungreatful yesterday, however. We live in an older neighborhood. I love this place. It is comfortable and friendly and woodsy. Though, I do hate that its so woodsy. Especially when that means that I have to rake all the woodsy leaves. I hate raking. I also hate our behind-us-neighbor.

Last year while doing some yardwork, our lovely 102 year old neighbor, let’s just call him Bob (because that’s his name), came over to the fence to tell us that he was happy that we were out there “cleaning up this mess” because he was “sick of looking at it”. Way to make friends, Bob. He also told us that our compost was to close to his fence (we told him to get composted), and that there were some sticks in our yard touching his fence (bite us, Okay Bob).

Yesterday, oh yesterday! We were raking (ugh) and you know how leaves get all stuck up in the fence and pile up and you have to rake them without constantly getting the rake stuck in the fence? Yeah. Bob was also out in his yard and he came over to the fence. BH and I looked at each other like what now? Bob says, “Hey! I got this big blower, and how’s ’bout I blow along the fence and then that’ll blow my leaves AND your leaves out from the fence?” My jaw dropped. I put on my best I Like You smile and said, “Oh that would be great, Bob! Thank you so much!”

And, he did it. And, it was beautiful. It did actually make my job easier. Bob helped me. He did not put on his mean face and yell at us. It truly is the holidays! Christmas miracles all ’round!! I’m making that dude some snickerdoodles!!

One thing I’m NOT making these days is coffee. Okay well I am making coffee, but I’ve had to employ the boil-water-and-pour-over-grounds method, as my coffee maker decided to take a powder on Sunday morning. A day that will forever be remembered by me as The Saddest Morning Ever. At least I have coffee, though, so Christmas Miracle it is.

We put our tree up on Thanksgiving Eve, and we’ve been able to watch both Christmas Vacation AND A Christmas Story. ‘Tis the Season.

So, I actually won a little contest over here. If you know me, you will think this is funny, because she totally hit my nail on its head. And, it felt goooooood.

You should know, though, that I only won this contest because I got a hint from another commentor, who, if she had thought about it a little longer, would have gotten it herself. So thank you Khurston, because I never win anything and I like to win things, even if it is only Chuck Klosterman and the Flaming Lips. Two things I absolutely adore. Also, I like secret jokes between friends. This makes me snicker. And, also? I would TOTALLY make out with Corey Feldman, given the opportunity. He is, and always will be, my favorite of the the Coreys. Dream a Little Dream is one of my all time favorite movies. I am obviously easily impressed.

SPEAKING OF MOVIES…Have you seen Knocked Up? Holy crap. I thought this movie was hilarious. As a matter of fact, I am chuckling to myself right now just thinking about it. BH didn’t like it. I think you have to have been knocked up to think this movie is funny. It doesn’t help being the Knocker Upper; only to have been the Knocked Uppee. It was like watching my life except Big Hands isn’t a Charmingly Chubby Pot Head. BH said, “that would never happen.” when Beautiful Girl sleeps with Affable Guy. To which I replied, “hey. I slept with you.”

On another completely different note…I wish that I understood Dog. Because then I might know what Dharma is saying to me right now. I swear to God she has been sitting at my feet yawing on and on, and nothing I do is appeasing her. She’s not hurt, I know that. I think she wants me to play, but is refusing to go get a toy. This dog is spoiled. In the bad way. She is a brat. I bought two pumpkin cream cheese scones at Great Harvest yesterday so that I might enjoy them this morning. At some point, however, my dog got up on the counter and ate them. I wanted to kill her, I swear. And somehow, I blamed this on myself for setting them close enough for her to reach. Spoiled. I cannot tell you how many sticks of butter I have lost to this animal. Man, but if she ain’t cute, though. I’m trying to teach her to say “I love you”. I really think I can do it, too. She’s a very verbal Doggie Doodle.

ALSO! I have a new new email address. Not to be confused with my new OLD email address. If you would like it, and I would in turn, like to give it to you, either comment here or email me and I will share with you my super cool new email address which I got because my son wants me to be cool like him. This will be hard, but I will try. Im just that kind of mother.

Now I totally have Modest Mouse stuck in my head. But, that’s okay because I really like that band, but not as much as I love you.

Erin asked me the other day if I had someone to vent to. And, I do. Her name is Christen and she has been my best friend for 25 years. I even count the eight years we did not speak to one another. Thats just how good of a friend Chris is.

She knows all the Bad Things about me; she even knows the ones that she doesn’t know. You know? One of those kinds of best friends. And, I tell her everything. The best part about Chris, is that she is honest with me no matter what. She doesn’t beat around the bush and try to be tactful. I like that about her. But, I don’t like that in most people, so don’t even try it.

Chris lets me talk about my mom, and then she just lays it on the line. Because she knows that I know that she knows that I know. You know? Yeah. Its like that with us.

Though, we did try to go to college (and thusly ROOM together) and that almost broke the deal. Do not try to live with your best friend in college, okay? Because there’s a good chance that she’s probably a better person than you are, and your destructive behavior will make her feel like she needs to protect you from yourself and that will just make you hate her, because you WANT to destruct yourself just a little, and then you might not talk for a couple of years after that, and that’s just wasteful of your time.

Also, do not take it personally when your best friend gets married and forgets that anyone exists except her husband. Do not decide that Fine Then, you won’t talk to her EITHER, so HA! Because then she will miss out on the birth of your son. And, then you will miss out on the birth of HER first child, and then, she will also miss out on your wedding (but that part is okay, because most people missed out on your wedding…and that was on purpose). It will be six years later and that is also incredibly wasteful of your time.

But, know that even after all those years, your true best friend will be able to just pick it up where you left off and absolutely no explainations need to be made.

And you will have her over for lunch and feed her grilled cheese and tomato soup and yummy cookies and you will both bad mouth your husbands and talk about what kind of brats you are raising. And you will love her.

I’m done with my Palahniuk book, and gladly so. It started out okay, the middle was boooooring my pants off (literally. One minute I was reading, the next, my pants were down around my ankles. Disturbing? Maybe. BH rather liked it.), but the last bit made me almost cry on several different occasions. So I guess it ended up okay. I love to cry.

Now, I’m reading my dearest Chuck Klosterman again. This one. The more I read him, the more I realize why I get it. He cares about very little of what everyone else cares about. He just cares very little. Me too. Periphery; we spit in your general direction.

Mr. Klosterman (may I call you Chuck?), should you ever google yourself, and find an inordinate amount of prattle about yourself here at this little site, I just want to say, Hi. The part about Quincy, and the mowing the lawn catty corner? Yeah. I often wonder if that’s how my (now) husband felt when I told him I was pregnant. And, I think he has settled into this life quite well. And, I think he likes it pretty okay. Also, the part about D.C. and the history? Me too. Doesn’t interest me. I’d like to say I feel bad about it. But, I don’t. If you are Mr. Right Now, well, then, I’m your Missus. There’s probably lots more, but I’m only that far in the book.

Also, don’t worry. I’m entirely too lazy to track you down and stalk you. Really. Do not worry.

There’s still no internet at the BHandjen household. It is driving me mad. Okay, so its really not, but I’d like to think it would. If we go too much longer without it, I may end up insane. For now, though, it gives me time to start on all those projects I’ve promised everybody.

Would you like to know what will make you The Most Popular Person In Your House? White chocolate covered pretzels, that’s what. I made them for a movie snack for Holden and I. Big Hands was pleased as well. There you go. Don’t say I never gave you any sage advice.

Holden and I watched scary movies on Nick, or Cartoon Network. And, by scary, I mean not scary at all. Except for this one called The Haunting Hour? That shit kind of scared the crap out of me, and Holden’s all like, “Don’t worry Mom. If it gets to be too much, you just let me know. I’ve got my finger right on the ‘last’ button, and we can go back to Drake and Josh, if you get too scared.” And, just in case you are wondering, I DID make him go back to Drake and Josh. One, because I really like Josh, okay? And, two? The monster was kind of making me a little nervous. We also watched Twitches Too (or Two, I can’t really remember). That one was more dumb than scary, but he’s been waiting for it since September.

I don’t like Horror Movies, Okay? Friday the Thirteenth; never saw it. Halloween? Nope. Those Elm Street movies, not a chance. I started watching Hostel with BH one night, but within the first 15 minutes I’m watching it with my hands over my eyes, and then I heard a drill and put my thumbs in my ears, so I decided to go into the bedroom and watch Letterman.

Though, I will tell you, I love ghosts, vampires and witches. Just not as much as I love Jesus. And, definitely not the scary kind. Or the masked kind.

I DID watch every single episode of Gossip Girl on Sunday. Thank you MTV, for replaying them. I salute you. I am now hooked on this show. I have not yet checked out the CW listings to see when it plays. Hopefully it will not be on at a time when I am watching something else. This show is awesome. I know how you are looking at me. With your superiority. Please. We’re all friends here. Let’s not pretend that we are all too grown up and too smart to watch such tripe. If you say that, you are a liar.

We all hold onto some sophomoric naughty. Teen TV is mine. What’s yours? Do tell! If you say that you don’t have one, I will know that you are telling tall tales. I think the most grown up thing a gal can do is admit that she is still a child.

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Gossip Girl, Wednesdays at 9pm. CW. Hollah. Can watch it right after Pushing Daisies! BH has band practice. This is God at work. (when you are me? You appreciate the small things.)