Young Arthritis Network

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Yesterday started off as just your average day I’m still feeling a little under the weather so I was having a lazy morning . Made myself a cuppa and I went back to bed to catch up on the latest episodes of Grey’s Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. Not long after I was tucked up in bed I received a text from a friend to see if I wanted to go for a bite to eat.

We met at one for lunch at Michie Sushi which was the perfect way to start the afternoon the food was fab afterwards we strolled over to a local cafe for some hot chocolate and a chance to have a a bit of a catch up. Pondering what to do for the rest of the day we decided to go to Dundrum shopping center for some ice skating. A quick visit to pennys for some extra socks to keep my feet warm we were ready to skate.

As a child I loved to Rollerblade I had no fear I would zoom down the hill without a second thought so naturally I love to ice skate.For that one hour I thought I was a child again & I managed not to fall or more to point avoid the children who whizzed around with no fear until the fell but within seconds jumped back up.

After the hour I was tired and cold but for that one hour I put that thought to the back to my mind and concentrated on having fun. Afterwards we went to Hamleys toy store and stopped at the new XboxKinectwhich I enjoyed a bit too much and we finished the day off with Dublin’s best chips Burdocks Yum.....

This morning I’m paying the price for my eventful day but you know what ...? It was sooooo worth it ... I had a ball in fact I had the most fun I’ve had in ages....it was a day filled with laughter & fun. Laughter really can be the best medicine!

Monday, November 15, 2010

The silence of the night makes the past hour feel longer I'm alone in my apartment in the middle of a flare up I feel awful and alone. Its late to late to call anyone I’m trying to distract myself from the intense pain I feel in both legs.

My journey home from work is a short fifteen minute walk but today it took 35 min. It started off with a struggle on my crutches trying to reach the nearest bus stop approx 750m away, today it took me twenty five minutes to get there by the time I reached the bus stop I was exhausted. When I reached home I thought I was going to pass out with the pain so I collapsed on the couch unable to move. Luckily my boyfriend was on hand and made dinner before he carried me into bed where I have been since 7pm unable to move.

Today was my first day back at work after three days sick leave to say I was embarrassed is an understatement my colleagues never saw me use a crutch before as my legs are very rarely a problem . Work were great everyone offered to help me even though for most of the day I was stubborn I didn't wanna ask for help.By 3.30 I was exhausted and didn't have any energy it was the little things I found hard going to the printer and making myself a cuppa thankfully they all knew I have an addiction to tea and I was supplied with several cups.

I woke an hour ago by pain rushing though my body depriving my body of much needed sleep my knees and ankles are warm, sore & inflamed easily twice the size they were a few hours ago. My legs feel like cement, I can’t move them, it’s impossible.Usually I curl into the comforting fetal position to sleep I cant tonight in fact I cant do much I feel useless.

So now I’m wide awake I can’t move just a few hours ago I was able to move a few steps without my crutches so foolishly I left them in the sitting room. I’m thirsty and in need of a glass of water so I try to move using all my energy I try to get out of bed but the pain is horrific and so I lie in silence waiting for the morning to come minutes seem like hours. My body is shattered but pain will not allow me drift asleep its impossible to get comfortable each time I move it hurt’s.

Its times like this I find the having arthritis a nightmare which myself and many other young people must endure . I feel angry that I can’t do a thing I try to stay positive but the longer I'm awake the more positivity dwindles into despair and I enter into battle with my body while it battles with me . It wears me down and down as my body get increasingly tired I begin to drift into a restless sleep but minutes later I am woken by pain once again .

I know I will make it though the night but right now it doesn't feel like it will. Knowing I have work in the morning I desperately want to get some sleep as I know tiredness will only add to my problems . I took my weekly dose of methrexate yesterday all ready my mouth is covered in mouth ulcers my tongue is swollen I must easily have ten.

I’ve never felt so alone while many of friends went out tonight I had to stay at home because I can’t move let alone walk. My friends are gone to a gig, something I used to enjoy. I too had planned to go but having arthritis means sometimes things don’t work out. I need to think and plan and re plan. Tonight was no question of that being impossible. On a regular night out when I walk into a bar the first thing I look for is not a drink but a seat . Anyone who knows me will tell you that I love music and most of all to dance but for the past while I haven’t had the energy to dance. I feel like I’ve lost something within me, a little sparkle that comes out when I dance. Today I am 24 trapped in a 94 year old body.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

The Lotto reached 16 million the second highest jackpot in Irish history so I like many others went to my local shop and played a few lines laughing with I would do with my winnings if I was lucky enough to win.

On the way back it was beginning to get dark so like every night since I was a ten I make the same wish on the first star I see twinkle twinkle little star I wish someone could find the big C a cure for arthritis.

I nickname my mornings a battle a battle which I win most days. You may ask how do I win ? Well it’s simple I get up out of bed I may struggle but I get there I make my way to work just like everyone else and I win. Sometimes its easier for me to let the pain take over but I won’t because if I do arthritis win’s and takes over. Childish as it seems it’s my motivation and a silly little game I play ever morning but for me it works. Its putting one foot in front of the other and I get there granted some days it takes longer than others but I make it.

So it’s Sunday morning and for the first time in 15 years I woke up with relatively no pain a strange feeling so I dance around the house like some crazed lunatic but I don’t care I can move and it's not even 9 am ….

I feel like it’s a dream it may only be one morning but for me this is better than winning the lotto if you don’t have arthritis then this might be the difficult to understand but words cant describe how I feel. I’m on top of the world I truly believe right now I am the happiest girl in the world.

This feeling may only be short live but for me this is motivation to stay strong and positive because I believe someone will find a cure for arthritis and It will happen in my time.