Wednesday, February 3, 2010

This puddle has become a tangible symbol of my struggle. You see, I am trying to surrender. I'm finding that is not as easy as it sounds. You might remember that our house is on the market. I feel that this puddle in our yard and the lack of drainage on our road are getting in the way of a house sale. We've actually had some feedback from interested buyers to that effect.

But, I surrendered. I thought. I thought I surrendered.

After heavy rains last week, I was again calling the county to inquire about the drainage issues and what they could do to help. They came out and did a bit of digging and some drainage occurred. Then I toted my shovel into the street and tried to clear some mud in order to create a place for the water to drain. Seemed to help a bit. The water receded a bit.

And then it rained on Saturday. And again yesterday. And that puddle? Oh, that puddle! Well, it neither gets larger nor shrinks. It seems to just sit there. Mocking me. Being a tangible reminder that is making me realize that I haven't really surrendered the water drainage issue and, ultimately, our home's sale to God.

I feel like Jacob in the book of Genesis. You remember him, don't you? He's one of God's chosen people who, though promised great things by God, still tried to do things his way. So, one night he wrestled with God. And, big shock here, God won.

I feel like I'm wrestling with God. He has asked me to surrender ALL to Him. And yet, I'm still trying to do things my way, on my time, with my abilities. He says, "Surrender. Trust Me. Press into Me." I say, "Yeah, but..." Or my mouth says, "Yes," but my actions say something else entirely.

I see that puddle sitting there and my mind begins to spin. I hear the weather reports for more rain, and I begin to panic. I begin to think of more calls to be made, more shoveling to be done, a backhoe to rent... And then I remember: I'm surrendering.

Today, when I looked upon the waters, I realized something: in order to fully surrender, I must die to me. To my wants, my desires, my selfishness.

And therein lies the struggle.

I heard something today that was balm to my soul. Not only because of the water references within the scripture, but because of the promise within the scripture.

"But now, this is what the LORD says --

he who created you, O Jacob

he who formed you, O Israel

'Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you;

and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.'"

Isaiah 43: 1-2a

What I do know is that whatever happens with that stinkin' puddle and the sale of our house, it will happen in His way, by His hand, and in His perfect timing. And, it will all be to the glory of God.

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain"

Bring the Rain by MercyMe

If that's what it takes to praise You, Jesus bring the rain...

This post was submitted to {W}rite of Passage as part of a writing challenge. This week’s challenge: Plot. You can visit other entrants below.

3 comments:

Annie, I feel your pain. I surrender then something happens that I don't like and I end up sounding like a 2 year old, "buuutt GOOOOOD!" Through our circumstances, He WILL be glorified. Last night I read 2 Peter 3:9 and it says, "The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise." He hears us and will keep his promise that He if we decide to surrender he WILL take care of us.P.S. He also promised never to flood the earth again. Hello God? Have you seen our yards? ;)

Well, I certainly know how it is to hope that what I want is also what God wants and sometimes I feel so certain that it just has to be. But working at a childrens hospital I have seen things that few could make sense of and certainly most would never want to believe are God's will. But yet they still happen and somehow I continue to believe "you are mine" and "I will be with you!" Hang in there!

TheBoy

TheBoy is all boy! Our funny six year old loves Legos, military action figures, jets, his family, and Jesus! He fills our house with constant chatter and a lot of laughs!

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