The most important thing you’re teaching your child

“Whenever I held my newborn baby in my arms, I used to think that what I said and did to him could have an influence not only on him but on all whom he met, not only for a day or a month or a year, but for all eternity – a very challenging and exciting thought for a mother.” — Rose Kennedy

Most parents take their job as teachers very seriously. We teach our kids colors. ABCs. Taking turns. Right from wrong.

But sometimes we don’t even notice a much more important lesson we’re imparting to our children: how to manage their feelings, and therefore their behavior. This is the basis of emotional intelligence (EQ), which will determine their quality of life much more fundamentally than their IQ.

Kids learn how to manage “big feelings” when we:

Stay calm and kind in the face of their upset.

Accept their feelings even while we limit their actions.

Respond to their anger with compassion, so they can show us the tears and fears behind their anger.

Research shows that their brains learn to self soothe through this process. Eventually, they learn to stabilize themselves even in the face of stressful situations and emotions.