An attempt to spread the word of Agriculture through my own experiences. Inspired by Advocates for Agriculture and their story on ABC's Landline on the 14th August 2011. Might take me a while to get this page up to scratch, but it should be fun trying.

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Thank you to everybody who has shared this blog. Sharing is the way these things work, otherwise I'm justing talking to myself. If you like what you read please tweet, Facebook or email it to your mates. The more people outside our agricultural circle we can reach the better. Don't forget to have a look at the other blogs I'm following too. Everyone has a story to tell.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

Ding Dong.

Dear Mr Ludwig, former Agricultural Minister for Australia

Congratulations on your early retirement. We trust you found
your time as Agricultural Minister an enlightening one, and that after a few
years in the job, you are now able to tell a sheep from a cow from a horse’s
arse. We also hope you have learnt that livestock are not like iron ore, and
that they cannot sit idle at wharf side while you attempt to appease some 18
million voters on the Eastern seaboard.

Did anything you heard at any of your meetings with any
producers actually sink in at any point? We would hope so. We are sure any
future employers would expect the ability to listen and learn to be a
prerequisite, and to this we hope it has improved should you get bored of tax
payer funded pension benefits, benefits which those left decimated by your few
years at the reins (reins are the things which steer horses, at the opposite
end of the horse’s arse) would greatly appreciate.

Of course, those feeling the financial strain from your
earlier work would stand to benefit from your generous offer some two months
ago of farm finance, finance that would be very handy for funding this year’s
seeding program. It is somewhat a shame therefore that four weeks after most
seeding programs have finished no one seems any the wiser as to how to apply
for any of this imaginary funding. Timing is everything, and with this you
missed the boat. And you managed to actually stop the boats during peak muster
two years ago.And since your new
regulations came in you have slowed the boats. Perhaps you grabbed the
Immigration Portfolio by mistake in the Parliament smoko room?

How is your Mandarin? The language, not the citrus. We would
suggest you possibly brush up on it a little, as we see food plants closing
left, right and centre, and farms being snapped up for a song as each region
gets its own version of Chinatown. Thankfully there is at least one country
that values agriculture, which is lucky, because at the rate it’s going, that’s
where your meals will be coming from soon enough.

On a brighter note, let us forward a hearty thanks on behalf
of Somalia, Romania, Ethiopia, Nigeria and Sudan. Never has one man done so
much for their thriving livestock industry. Your new “welfare” regulations on
Australian livestock have been a Godsend to their own producers. In fairness to
them, once we actually explained what animal welfare meant, they did do their
best to stop laughing while asking us to convey their appreciation to you for
getting Australia out of their way. You’re always welcome in the other one
hundred and eight animal exporting nations. Just maybe not so much here
anymore.

Finally, should you find yourself needing a reference for
any prospective employers, please feel free to put us down as a contact. We
will be sure to tell them exactly what we think of you and your time as
Agricultural Minister.

Regards

Every Person Involved In Agriculture I’ve Talked To In The
Last Two Years.

12 comments:

The only thing I don't agree with is that it was actually done to appease 200000 (1%) of the population who could be bothered to push a button to vote. A shame the irony will escape such a talented individual, amazing to imagine that nepotism alone got the clown his senate seat.

Spot on Michael..and you have been extremely polite, informative and exceedingly helpful to this poor man who is now needing a job to put food on his table.. I know a little man named Murphy who might be able to help him out looking for a job. Perhaps a farm job in the NT would suit him...seeing as he knows so much about Ag and all...Somewhere near a croc infested river would be nice.;-)

One of the few things we agreed on - Joe Ludwig's uselessness... perhaps for different reasons.

Nice to see that you've finally realised that livestock aren't like iron ore... they're not cargo, they're not freight - they're living, feeling, beings; living feeling beings that some people do and always will choose to eat, but for that ultimate sacrifice, you can at least... at LEAST grant them a pre-stunned death on home shores.

Agchatoz

About Me

I farm in Geraldton, West Australia with my wife Gemma and her parents. We run a export depot for sheep and goats on one property, a bit of crop and damara sheep on another, and Gemma's parents run the damara sheep station near Yalgoo, about 200kms east of Geraldton.