October 28, 2006

Horse 650 - Halloween

I think it's just around the corner, and to be honest it's isn't celebrated in Australia at all but I thought it would be interesting to look into the reasons why it exists.

Halloween is in principle similar to Vampire Day but unlike Vampire Day, Halloween is more about Zombies. I make reference to the following from Horse 566.Vampires, Ninjas and Pirates are unionised labour. They have their own health care fund and superannuation plans. This is yet another reason why they need sorted mail.Zombies are similar to Vampires in that they're both undead. Zombies however do not have unionised labour laws and as such have to negotiate their own individual workplace contracts. In the latter part of the 20th century this led to minor rioting in the southern states of the USA.

Zombies are not in fact arguing for equal pay for equal work. What they are essentially campaigning for is increases to overtime rates. Most Zombies although they work more slowly and frequently use up sick leave, can work as many as 23 hours in a day.

The other major issue facing Zombies is that of workplace safety. Vampires for instance can not work with exposure to sunlight; so there are many of them working in photographic dark rooms. Zombies have the unique problem of limbs falling off and so most of them would prefer office type positions but sadly most of these seem to be already filled by Pirates (who make excellent customer service staff on account of their loud voices) and Ninjas who by stealth have already taken many office jobs.Zombies argue that since Pirates and Ninjas hate each other that workplace moral in such an organisation is compromised and therefore they themselves should be considered for such positions.

The main drawback is that because most Zombies move only very slowly, most of them miss their job interviews and because of this Zombies remain part of hidden unemployed because undead people are unable to government benefits.

So there you go, Halloween is really about the undead class labour struggle - which is rather like Labour Day. No hang on, it's exactly like Labour Day, because the Labor Party has about 90% of its members who are undead... except Kim Beasley who's obviously some sort of Were-Person.