Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?

11 December 2008

Ipod related Christmas activities you might enjoy.

First of all. The news just sucks. I drive far to where my work is every day. I used to listen to the radio then the news started giving me heart palpitations because I can do basic math and when you add up the numbers of all the people laid off from jobs or about to be laid off from jobs, frightening. Then cheery news about foreclosures and auto industry bailouts and the local swimming pool and surf museum closing. There they go. Palpiations. Commence yoga breathing.

So here's what I do. This week, we switched over to the Chrstimas songs when in the car. All Christmas, all the time. I have a million of them in my friend ipod. The dogs know all the words. Blissfully burying head in the sand if your sand is angel background singers to Andy Williams and dancing Nutcracker fairies. I have decided someday I will have a border collie and his name will be Bing. I have the classics, I have non classics, I have a sort of obsessive Christmas music list. Which actually I listen to year round, but that's another story for another day.

Here's some new stuff I put in it this year that helps keep the heart palpitations away.

Sufjan Stevens Christmas stuff-just buy the whole box set. You will not be sorry. Love.Badly Drawn Boy and Flaming Lips Christmas stuff-just get itHolly Golightly-Christmas Tree on Fire. She's sort of rockabilly. Peppy.Wesley Willis-Merry Christmas. Do you have other Wesley Willis songs? I can listen to his songs all day.Christmas is Going to the Dogs-the Eels. Here's a nice dog song except the Eels guy renders it listenable.

So there's a better, jollier mood for you now. Screw the news. Ho ho ho. So now, how about some dog games? Does your neighborhood sport crude, midi playing, animatronic polar bears and deer amidst tawdry, mismatched light displays, hung askew and not blinking right since purchased out of the dollar section at Target? Yoga breathing lets me say sentences like that on a regular basis. Take the dogs to visit the robot bears and reindeer every night. If you have a dog like Gustavo, this doesn't ever get old. They can stick their little dog heads through neighbors' fences and groove along to tinny versions of Frosty the Snowman. If by groove, you mean bark. Wear your friend ipod and listen to your Christmas music. Block out the bark. You should have a bunch of Frosty versions. You have the Jackson 5 one, right?

Then make your dinner and you can make some tamales. Just make 'em for dinner every night. Buy 'em buy the bundle in December. Maybe listen to Aimee Mann depressing Christmas while they're heating up, have your friend ipod plugged into the dock stereo. You could decorate your house while they're heating up too. If you were organized enough to get the Christmas box out of the garage, formerly known as artist studio. If you're not that organized, just screw it. Crack open a nice cerveza instead. Who needs the Christmas decorations anyways. Tree? Ha. We still have the damn pumpkins on the porch.

Christmas shopping. Are you doing it online? Purchasing fine items from Team Small Dog? Hey, I didn't teach dog agility the month of December. Class went on break. What do you think pays for dog show entries? Actual work work? Hell no. Send the team to some dog shows in January. Buy some shwag. Listen to your itunes while you do, and then every so often click around and find a new Christmas song. Like you might be sitting there, thinking you don't have any Tiny Tim Christmas songs. And you can go click around and there you go. No presents purchased, but some Tiny Tim for the ipod. Ukelele rendition of "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."

2 comments:

This is kinda scary. I love my Christmas music but I like traditional, jazzy type stuff, like Harry Connick Jr. He's my favorite. I want the new Kristen Chenoweth one. I have the old stuff too, like Glenn Miller and Dean Martin. My lights aren't mismatched either. Our house looks like something out of Candyland though. I plan to post pictures soon on my blog...soon..I keep saying that.

Laura Hartwick, Captain

Many people around Santa Cruz know Laura as the lady with all those little black dogs. Many people know her as a horse trainer. Many people know her as the artist with the small brushes. Many people know her as that hoity graphic designer.
None of them would be wrong.
All the dogs of Team Small Dog, righteously awesome.
Laura Hartwick is usually a nice person. Except when she isn't. Be nice, don't bite, and run faster.