Monday, December 15, 2008

This shiz is bananas

Can't believe it, but we've finished our first weekend of nutcracker, and we're moving on to the second. Three shows behind me, and three more to go. Weird. It is so close to Christmas when I'm done, and I have no time or money to do any Christmas shopping or planning. I barely have groceries. Le sigh.

I like my Christmas gifts to be meaningful, not showy or expensive. Which is part of why I hate the holiday. So many people use it as a way to show status by giving and asking for huge expensive gifts that have no necessity or meaning in their life. And plus everyone says they love to see the goodwill and cheer people exude during this time of the season. But for me, it brings out the uglies in people. I have never seen so many rude and greedy people out and about at once. Ugh. Yes I know I'm a grinch....so let's not get into this.

Sundays shows really were not fun for me. I was let down severely by someone close, and the second show i was close to tears literally right before the curtain went up. Well, out since Maryland Hall doesn't have the capability to fly drops, let alone curtains. Anywho, I just didn't have the will to perform, so the show sucked for me, and I was feeling pretty low about myself.

I went home, I showered, I napped. I was ready to go to the dancer party and unwind. But it became just another depressing debacle. In short, I realized the wine I had bought was super sweet, therefore I couldn't drink it (literally couldn't even force myself to drink it), the people I brought were causing problems, and I was getting in trouble for being associated with them. I went home, I cried, I talked it out. I was frustrated, I cried myself to sleep, and then I woke up this morning. It's a new day, but still not a perfect day. A better day. A step above.

I'm getting stronger all the time, but sometimes I doubt my own strength. It's difficult sometimes, but other times I am so grateful for my strength. And sometimes, I think it intimidates people.

In other news, drama is happening all around me. I wish I could be in my own personal hamster ball sometimes, and just live in that little bubble and be impervious to other people's crap. I don't want to get involved, but somehow I get pulled in and before I know it, I'm the center of a "he said, she said" talk. Le sigh.

I need to try to move onward and upward. I'm going to look up an Ethiopian restaurant in DC as a possible site for a birthday bash