2009-12-31

Ah! 2009 is almost over.
I can't believe I put this off for almost 2 hours.
Perhaps subconsciously I was dreading thinking back over the past year and re-live the nonsense I went through.
It wasn't THAT bad really.
Just lots of ups and downs...loneliness and times filled with people...depression and elation...you know...the usual tones of a year gone by.

So let us start from the beginning, shall we?
The year started off pretty good actually.
Was still in Singapore and attended a few weddings of some old friends (one in particular was heart-breaking...for me that is...but that's another story).
Everything seemed smooth sailing right up till I got back to Brissy.
The Drama then began!

Within a month of returning to the office, I was informed that my services were no longer sustainable at FAST, and I was given my 4 weeks notice (at least there was that). Blame the GFC or just higher management decisions...it doesn't matter.
What really screwed me over was that at the same period of time, I was looking for and had found a new apartment to buy. The owners of the often missed Unit 2405 had decided to switch over to short-term leasing with OAKS (pooi!) and Lindsay and I were naturally informed of this last year.

I found an apartment with a great pricetag and promptly put in an offer, without much thought of anything that might derail my plans. But lo and behold (Murphy would have been so proud), the news of my lay off came on the same week I was given the option to back out of my offer (the owners have already accepted).
So what could I do? Back down and let this apartment fly out of my reach forever? Let this frustrating situation f**k up my plans for home ownership?
NO!
I went ahead (despite all the annoying little voices inside telling me not to) and bought the apartment. Naturally, this is exactly where I am writing this annual summary. In MY room of MY apartment. BRING IT ON! (well...not really...have mercy!)

After that, it was a long 3-4 months of job searching and waiting for some opportunity to pop up. I did little odd jobs to get some income in but mostly not enough to sustain loan repayments and living costs. My Savings had its life sucked dry very slowly.

But a twist of fate did bring some lucky fortune my way for once this year in June.
This was during Marion's visit to Brisbane. She bunked over at my place while she stopped over in Brissy and we had a short but good catching up. Perhaps she was my lucky charm as I had a successful interview for a teaching position at the Central Queensland University's Brisbane campus.

LOVE IT!
Ever since I decided against going into teaching (after my parents' disapproval) straight after NS, this is the first time I had a chance to actually return to that old dream.
I had originally planned to complete some post-grad studies before heading back to SG (eventually) to try for a teaching position at one of the Polytechnics.
The Fates definitely have a weird way of pushing me in the direction I wanted to go.

Right now, I still tip-toe along the thin line between being comfortable and having not enough to make my monthly repayments & quarterly body corps fees and city council rates; not to mention living expenses. But things are looking up as I might have more classes next semester onwards. &Fingers crossed*

Looking back...it truly wasn't a overly exciting year.
Only a few events (albeit MAJOR ones) had happened.
But they are more than enough for me to handle...more than enough for most I reckon.

All that's left is the emotional ups-and-downs for 2009.
THAT/THIS was actually what made this year so long and, at times, unbearable.

Where do we begin.
Sigh...
I don't even feel like mentioning them actually.
Ranging from loneliness, uncertainty, disappointment, repressed frustration, repressed anger, the loneliness, yearning, loss, the 'what if's, mental numbness, have I mentioned the Loneliness??!

ROFL
It really did suck.
Friends left or planning to leave Brissy for good, the "What if..." moments that occupied my mind all the time, the constantly returning "VOID" in my chest.
A head doctor might look at me over the last 12 months and declare me "depressed".
But I know better than to let that get me down.
I soldiered on...always...as much as possible...with a smile on my face.
All the while feeling this pain...behind my chest...between my 2nd and 3rd rib.

So I will trudge on...into the 2010s...still hoping to fill this empty space, left by years of neglect.
Next year might be a better one...it certainly seems to be heading in that general direction for my career.
Maybe my personal life will follow suit.

At that...I am done.
2009 will not be a year I will forget easily (or I might...who knows...I have many gaps in my memory all the time).

I wish you all a Merry Christmas (12 days remember?) and a Wonderful, Joyous, and a Happy New Year!
And in case anyone is wondering, I want this
for Christmas next year! ;)