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Mt. Vernon Republican (Mount Vernon, Ohio : 1854), 1862-11-27

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1 1 Y -ift A. A A A vik. A A nil im I fl inn m mm J MM ! I ti sin t i U f 1 Ay Ay Ay WAT W roL. i.x MOUNT VERNON, OHIO THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27 I8G2. NO THK MOl'.NT YERNOX KIN HhlCAX. T E I! M S: For oik! year (invariably in i!dv:inee)2,00 For six months, I.W Ti:i!MS OF AnVKRTrsINU Oiio square, 8 weeks, ( )lll! SqUai'O, ! tllOlltlH, ( (no square, 0 mouths, )iio square, 1 year, Jiu' square (changeable monthly) Cliuncitlilii weekly, Two squares, it week, Two squares, 0 weeks, Two aijuarer", :! mouths, l'wo squares, (i months, Two squares, 1 year, Three squares. il weeks, 'I'hree squares, (1 weeks, 1'hree squares. 3 months, Three squares, 0 months, Throe suiiares. 1 vear. 1.00 li.OH 1 10.00 15.00 1.75 :;.-j5 5,25 (i.75 s.oo L50 4.50 (1.00 8.00 1 0.00 One-fourtli column, ehnn. quavterlv. 1 "'.00 One-third " " " 22.00 One-half " " " One eolnniii, changeable quarterly, 50,00 All local notices of advertisements, or tailing attention to any enterprise intenileil to benefit individuals or corporations, will he charged at the rate often cents per line. 0dcct JJoctrn. K0 SECT IN llEAVEX. FROM AN EN'UI.ItW POEM. Talking of sects till late one eve, Of the various doctrines the saints believe That night I stood in a troubled dream, J?y the side of a darkly flowing stream. And a ''Churchman" down to the river came: When I heard a strange voice call his name, "Good father, stop; wlien you cross this tide, You must leave your robes on the other side." J!ut the aged father did not mind, And his long gown floated out behind, As down to the stream his way he took, His pale hands clasping a gilt-edged book. 'I'm bound for heaven, and when I'm there, I shall want my book of Common Prayer; And though 1 pat on a starry crown. I should feel quite lost without my gown." Then he fixed his e'cson a shining track, Hut his gown was heavy, and held him back, And the poor old father tried in vain, A single step in the flood to gain. T saw him again on the other side, Jiut bis silk gown floated on the tide; And no one asked in that blissful spot, Whether he bolonged to "the church" or not. Then down to the river a Quaker strayed, His dress of a sober hue was made; "My coat and hat must all bo of gray, I can not go any other way." Then he buttoned his coat ntraight up to his chin, And staidly, solmenly, waded in, And his broad-brimmed hat he pulled down tight Over his forehead, so cold and white. But a strong wind carried away his hat; A moment ho silently sighed over that, And then, as he gazed on the farther shore, The coat slipped ofl", and was seen no more. As ho entered heaven, his euit of gray Went quietly sailing away away, And none of the angels questioned him About the width of his beaver's brim. Next cams I'r. Watts with a bundle of 1 'sal ins Tied nicely up iu his aged arms, And hymns as many, a very wise thing, That the people in heaven ''all round," might sing. 15ut I thought he heaved an anxious sigh. As he saw that the river ran broad aud high, And looked rather" surprised as, one by one, The Fsalun aud Hymns in the wave went down. And after him, with his MSS., Came AVcsley, the pattern of godliness; Hut ho cried, "Dear me, what shall I do? The water ban soaked them through aud through. And there, on tho river, far and wide, Away they went; down tho swollen tide; And the saint, astonished, passed through alone, Withoutiis manuscript, up to the throne. Then gravoly walking, two saints by name, Down to tho stream together came, But on they came to the river'a brink, I saw ouc saint from the other shrink. I i. i i i ,j. ...in . 'j'l I II ft iv t t'l jii nil , iji.ij ..- J"lv friend, How you attained to life's great end?" " Tint), with a few drops on my brow." 'Jiut have been dipped, as you'll see me now. And T really think it will hardly do, As I'm 'eln.-e communion." to cross with ymi: You're bound. I know to the realms of bliss, Hut you must go that way, and I'll go this." Then straight w.iy plunging with all his might. Away to the left his friend to the right. Apart they-went from this world of sin, Hut at last together they entered in. And now, when the river was rolling on, A Presbyterian church went down; Gf women there seemed an innumerable throng, But the men I could count as they passed along. Aud concerning the road, they could never agree, The old or tin: iu w way, which it could be, Xnr ever a moment paused to think That both would lead to the river's brink. And a sound of murmuring long and loud. Came ever up from the moving crowd, 'You're in the old way and I'm in the new, That is the false and this is the true," Or, ''I'm in the old way and you're in the new, That is tho false and this is the true. But the Lntlarn only seemed to speak, Modest the sisters walked and meek, And if ever one of them chanced to say What troubles she met with on the way, I low she longed to pass to the other side Xor feared to cross over the swelling tide. A voice arose from the brethren then: Let no one speak but the "holy men;' For have ye not heard the words of I'aul, Oh, let the women keep silence all'' " I watched them long in my curious dream. Till they stood by the borders of the stream, Then, "jut as I thought, the two ways met, But all the brethren were talking yett And would talk on, till the heaving tide Carried them over, side by side; Side by side, for the way was one, The toilsome journey of life was done, ml all who in Christ the Savior died, Came out alike on the other side. MBS. PASSABLE TRGTT. UY X. 1". WILLIS. The temerity with which I hovered on the brink of matrimony when a very young man could only be appreciated by a l'atu-itous credulity. The number of very fat mothers of very plain families who can point me out to their respective offspring as their cmiuent papa, is ludicrous im probable. The truth was that I had a powerful imagination in my early youth; and no "realizing sense." A coral neck lace, warm from the wearer a shoe with a little round stain iu the sole, anything flannel a bitten rosebud with a mark of a tooth upon it a rose, a glove, a thimble either was agony, ccstaey ! To anything with curls and skirts and especially if encircled with a sky-blue sash, my heart was as prodigal as a Crotou hydrant. Ah me! But, of all my shortdernal attachments Fidelia Baleh (since Mrs. P. Trott) was the kindest and fairest. Faihloss of course she was, since my name does not begin with T but if she did not continue to love mo P. Trott or uo P. Trott she was shockingly for csworn, as can be proved by several stars, usually considered very attentive listeners. I rather pitied poor Trott for I knew "Her hoart it was another's." and he was rich and forty odd. But they seem to live very harmoniously, and if I availed myself of such little consolation as fell in my way, it was the result of philosophy. I never forgot the faithless Fidelia.This is to bo a disembowelled narrative, dear reader skipping from tho maidenhood of my heroine to her widowhood, fifteen year3 I would have you supply here and there a betweenity. My- own sufferings at seeing my adored Fidelia go daily into another man's houso and shut tho door after her, you can easily conceive. Though not in the habit of rebellion against human institutions, it did seem to me that tho inarriago ceremony had no business to give old Trott quite so much for his money. But the aggravating part of it was to come! Mrs. P. Trott grew prettier every day, and of oourss three hundred and sixty-five noticeable dogrees pret tier every year I Sho seemed inoapablo of t not liable to, wear and tear; and prob ably old Trott was a man, iu-doora, of very even behavior. And it should be said too. in explanation, that as Miss llal.h, Fidelia was a shade too fat for her model. She embelli.-hed as her dimples grew shallower. Trifle after trille, like the progress of a statute, the superfluity fell away from nature's original Miss Baleh, (as designed in heaven.) and when old Passable died (and no one knew what that P., stood for, till it was betrayed by the indiscreet platoon his coffin.) Mrs. Troll, thirty-throe years old, was at her maximum of beauty. Plump tailoring transparently fair, with an arm like a limb conditioned Xemis, and a neck was coiisumedly good-looking. When I saw in the paper, "pied; Mr. P. Trott," I went out and walked past the hoii-e, with overpowering emotions. Thauta to a great mony refusals, I bad been faithful! I could bring her the same heart unused and uddamaged, which I had offered her before! I could generously overlook Mr. Trott's temporary occupation, since he had left us his money! and when her mourning should be over the very day tho very hour her first love should be ready for her, good as new ! I have said nothing of any evidence of continued attachment on the part of Mrs. Trott. She was a discreet person, and not likely to compromise Mr. P. Trott till she knew the strength of his constitution. But there was evidence of lingering preference which I built upon like a rock. I had not visited her during these fifteen years. Trott liked me not you can guess why ? But T had a nephew, fivo years old when Miss Baleh was privately engaged; and as like me, that boy, as "could be copied by nature. He was our unsuspected messenger of love, going to play in old Baleh's garden when I was forbidden the house, unconscious of the billet doux in the pocket of his pinafore and to this boy, after our separation, seemed Fidelia to cling. He grew up a youth of mind and manners, and still she cherished him. He all but lived at old Trott's, petted and made much of, her constant companion, reading, walking, riding, indeed when home from college, her sole society. Are you surprised that in all this, there wau a tender ness of reminiscence that touched and assured mc ? I thought it .delicate; and best to let silence do its work (luring that your of mourning. I did not whisper eveu to my nephew Bob, the secret of my happiness. I left one card of condolence after old Trott's funeral, and lived private, counting the hours. The slowest kind of eternity it appeared!The morning never seemed to mc to break with so much difficulty and reluctance as on the anniversary of the demise of Mr. Passable Trott, June 2, 1850. Time is a comparative thing, I well know but time seemed to stick on interminable morning. I began to dress for breakfast at four, but details arc tiresome. Let mc assure you that 12 o'clock m., l!d arrive. The clocks struck it, aud the shadows vcr. ificd it. I could not have borne an accidental "not at home," and I resolved not to run the risk of it. Lovers, besides, are not tied to knockers and ceremony. I bribed the gardner. Fidelia's boudoir, I knew, opened upon the lawn, aud it seemed more like love to walk in. She knew, I knew, fate and circumstances knew and had ordained, that tha"t morning was to be shoved up, joined on oud dovetailed to our last separation. The time between was to be a blank. Of course she expected mc. Tho garden door was ajar as paid for. I entered, traversed tho vegetable beds, tripped through the flower walk, aud, oh bliss! The window was open! I could just sec the Egyptian urn on its pedestal of sphinxes, into which I knew (per Bob) she threw all the faded roses. I glided near. I looked in at the window. Ah. that nieture! She sat with her back to mc; her arm, that arm of rosy ala- baster, thrown carclesvly over her chair, her egg-shell chin resting on her other thumb and forc-finger, her cyc-lids sweep' ing her cheek, and a white yes a white bow iu her hair. And her dress was of snowv lawn white, bridal white! Adieu old Passable Trott. I wined mv eves and looked again Old Trott's portrait hung on the wall, but that was nothing. Her guitar lay on the table and did I see right? a minature just he-Bide it! Perhaps of old Trott taken out for the last time. Well, well ! He was a very respectable man, and had been very kind to her, most likely. "Ehem!" said I stepping over the sill "Fidelia?" She started and turned, and certainly looked surprised. "Mr. O.!" said she. "It is long since we parted!" I said helping myself to a chair. "Quito long!'' said Fidelia. "So long that you have forgotten tho name of G?" I asked tremulously. "Oh no!" she replied, covering up the minature on the table by a careless movement of her ttfarf. "And may T hope that that name Iris not grown distasteful to you'" I sum-' limned courage to say. I "X-no, T do not know that it has Mr. ' i i i ' 1 ! The blood returned to my fainting heart! j I 1 felt as in days of yore. I "Fidelia!'' said I, "let me not waste the' i preeioiH moments. Yon l.-A'cd lite all twenty may I hope that I may stand loi you ia n nearer relation' May 1 venture! to think that our fainilv i: not imworiliv ! I of a union with the l!a.le thai as Mr t!.. you could be happy!''' Fidelia looked hesitated took up tin1 miniature and clasped it to her breast. "Po I understand you rightly, Mr. (ii'"j she tremulously exclaimed. "Bat 1 think j 1 do! 1 remember well what yoti were at twenty! This picture is like what you ' were then w ith dill'eivnoos, it is true. I but still like! Dear picture!" she exclaimed again, kissing it with rapture. ! How could she have got my miniature? I but no matter, taken by stealth. 1 presume.1 Sweet and eager anticipation! -j "And Hubert has relurned from college. : then?" she said inquiringly. I "Xot that I know of," said I. "Indeed! then lie has written to you !" "Xot recently!" "Ah, poor boy! he anticipated! Well, Mr. (J, I will not affect to be coy where my heart has been so long interested." I stood ready to clasp her to my bosom."Tell Hubert my mourning is over tell him his name (the name of (1. of course) is the music of my life, and that I will marry whenever he pleases!'' A horrid suspicion crossed my mind. "Pardon me," said , lkiclttiiccLi- he jilrtum, did you say? Why, particular'. ;(7ici he phases?' "La! his not being of age is no impediment, I hope," said Mrs. Trott in some surprise. Look at his miniature, Mr. (.1. ft has a boyish look it's true but so had you at twenty. Hope sank within me! I would have given worlds to be away. The truth was apparent to me, perfectly apparent. She loved that boy Bob that child, that mere child and meant to marry him! Yet how could it be possible! I might be I muni be mistaken. Fidelia Baleh who was a woman when he was an urchin in petticoats! She to think of marrying that boy! I wronged her! But worse come to worse, there was no harm in having it perfectly understood. "Pardon me," said I, putting on a look as if I expected a shout of laughter for ihc mere supposition, "I should gather (categorically mind you, only categorically) I should gather from what you said just now, (had T beer, a third person listening, that is to say, with no knowledge of the parties,) I should really have gathered that Bob was the happy man, and not I! Xow don't laugh tit me!" Jok the happy man! Oh, Mr. O.! yon are joking! Oh; no, pardon me if I have unintentionally mislead yon, but if I marry again, Mr. (.!., it u ill bcayumy man ! ! .' In short, not to mince the matter, Mr. O., your nephew is to become my husband (nothing unforse.cn turning up) m the course of the next week: AVe shall have the pleasure of seeing you at the wedding of course! Oh no! You! I should fancy that no woman would make two unequal marriages, Mr. G. Good morning Mr G.!" 1 was left alone, and to return as I pleassd, by the veffetablc garden or the front door. I chose the latter, being somewhat piqued as well as inexpressibly grieved and disappointed. But philosophy came to my aid, and I soon fell into a mood of speculation.'Fidelia is constant!' said I to myself constant after all. Sho made up her mind for mc at twenty. Buy I did not Ma; turn-tij! Oh, no! I unadvisedly and without prc-parativcly cultivating her taste for thirty-live, became thirty-five. And now what was she to do? Her taste was not all embarked in Passable Trott, and it had stayed just as it was, waiting to be called up and used. She locks it up decently till old Trott dies and then reproduces what? Why, just whatshe has locked up a taste for a young man at twenty, and just such a young man as she loved when sho was twenty! Bob, of course! Bob is like me at twenty Bob is twenty! Bo Bjb her husband! But I cannot say I quite like such constancy 1 Solitude and society are always endeavoring to checkmate each other, and never succeed. Men have secluded themselves into an illuiive friendlcssness, when lo, they have either made a friend of some enemy, or transformed into a familiar for themselves a fawn, a pigeon, or a poodle! What three words did Adam use when ho introduced himself to Eve, and which read the same backward aad forward? "Ma-Lui, Via Adam." A llcrzj -man's Joke. I was spending the night ina hotel in ! The prisoner iu this en-v. whose name Fiveport. Illinois. Aft,-r breakfast I o;une ; was pirkey Swivel. uli,n "Stoe 'ipt. into the sitting room, whore I met a pleas- Fete." w.f placed at the bar and lion -1 ant. chatty, goobhiiuioied, traveler, whu'od by the judge to the following elle.-t: like mvsell'. was waiting for the morning i .Indue -' Fiine them isoiter intoeouil." train from Caloiiu. W. conversed pleas-j an tly on several topics, until si'eing two young ladies moot and kiss each other in ' the street, the conversation turned on Al.ol in:, j n st abuiii the time the train was up-! poaching. -Come, said he, taking up hi.-' I carpet bag. 'since we are on so sweel sub- jeet; let us have a practical application, I'll make a 'proposition to ym. I'll agree to kiss the most beautiful lady in the cars from Galena, you being; the judge, if you mil ivi.-v. uie ue.t meiiie.. i wi 111: i :. , it ., i i. . next lil'elties!. 1 being the! judge.' The proposition staggered me a; little, and I could hardly tell whether bo ' ;,,,., ." ; hject of the tract, when, to her auoiiwh. wu'j in earie-st or in fm,; l..t as he would j ..p,,, care .inyihiiig about the Looim, 1 moiit. she road: "The evil of modern dane-he as deep in it as 1 could possibly be. 1 ; tiv(1 Wl,at i Vonr business?" HepresVmg her latigliM', she said agreed, provided he would do the first kiss. ,.Tll;lt.s Vil,.;,;u,( lUi- t.al S;l;,l ffk.,, to the man: ing. though my heart failed me somewhat I ,,,. ,.,;,.!;,. ff tie t:,l,e." j "That tract U bardlv mitd to v oar oon- as t saw ins nacK eyes taiiiy sjiaikie wnu daring. 'Yes.' I'll try it first. You take ihe back car. and go in from iho front end, where you can see the faces of the ladies, and stand by the one you think tho handsomest, and I'll come in from behind and kiss her." I had hardly stepped inside the oar when 1 saw al the first glance, one of the lovelie.-t looking women mwyes ever fell on. A beautiful blonde with auburn hair, and a bright sunny face, full of love and sweetness and as radieut and flowing as the morning. Any further search was totally unnecessary. I immediately took my stand in the aisle of the car by her side. She was looking out of the window earnestly as if expecting some one. The back door opened and iu stepped my hotel friend. I pointed my linger slyly at her, never dieaniintf that he would dare to carry out his pledge; and you may imagine my horror and amazement when he stepped up quickly behind her, and stooping over kissed her with a relish that made "my mouth water" from end to end. 1 expected of course a shriek of terror, and a row generally, aud a knock down; but astonishment succeeded astonishment, when I saw her return the kiss with compound interest. Quick as a flash he turned to mo, and said, 'Xow, sir, it is your turn,' pointing t ) a hideous, ugly, wrinkled old woman who sat in the seat behind. 'Oh, you must exccu.se mc! you must execuso me!' I exclaimed; 'I'm sold this time, I give up. Do tell mc whoyouhave been kissing.' 'Well,' 1111 .. i it . i sniil lie 'ssinee von ;ire ;i man of .n lnileli I . . ii-i . Tii i , I taste, and such quick perception, 111 let i you off A ..,1 ..... .,11 I..!,, nf ,, . ., ,, . . ... T take the wise.it method of avoiding. augltter, as he said: 'litis is my wile; 1 1 ., ..... . ' .,. i r , r i I PeonUol exquisite sensibility, who can-lavo been waiting here tor her. I knew , . , . , . . 4. h; that was a safe proposition.' He told the story to his wife, who looked ten-fold sweeter as she heard it. Before we reached Chicago we exchanged cards, and I discovered that niygenial companion was a popular Episcopal preacher of Chicago, whose name I had frequently heard. Whenever I go to Chicago I always go to hear him, and a heartier, more iiatural,and more eloquent preacher is hard to find. He was then but a young man; he is now well known as one of the ablest divines of the Epis:copial denomination of the West. A Great Truth Well Spoken of Slav- cry. All other nations that have wished lo advance in tho career of progress and refinement have been compelled to rid themselves of this fatal eatider. They have been compelled to suffer it to die out by withholding all nutriment from it, or to cut it out by the sharp knife of the law; and we are now comiielled to follow tlieirexamples. Germany and France have no more bondmen; England has extinguished slavery in her islands; the Patch have just emancipated their entire possessions, and Hussia is enfranchising her twenty million serfs. The United States alone, of the great pow ers of the earth, stands as the upholder of bondage iu the midst of universal freedom. Tom, disheveled, bleeding at every pore because of this nefarious w rong, she has presented to her by the madness of the slaveholders' faction itself the opportunity for a glorious redemption. Sho can say to her four millions of slaves, without infrac tion of constitution or law, Be Free; and if &hc doe3 not avail herself of the right, sho will have proved signally unworthy of her privileges the opprobrium of mankind, the scorn of heaven and will be fitly con signed by an indignant Frovidcnce to the endless years of Mexican-like impotence and Mexican-like misery, which yill be then her inevitable fate. A grander choice j was never vouchsafed to mortal; a grander ' qucstioa was never to be determined; and! tho whole world watches tho issue with j fearful yet friendly hone. JV. Y. Evt. Post, i ' There is a Gxlic proverb: '-If the best min's faults wero written on his forehead it would make him pull his hi', over his Scene in a Folia- Olllce. pete "Her I am. hoim 1 to 1 l::r". a dn-spirii' of t:.:'i l.l!:. '.'i all yre." "We will t t i: .- a Lit!" file JllVV ,,, v,,u ;Vl.. uh ,,.(ri;.-ul.ir. lb. ,y ter roaste ulicii Hiev a kil him if f,. .. .j,,,, , )... n,.u t ... n. tu. siil.;H ,,.,.. ;,. Wu (( yim ivsler iiher ' : i .. ... ,,;,,,r ,i,.,t ,..,,,,. : in mv wav. as the , i,.,.,,,..,,.:. ,. .., ,,l,.n ,,. r:tll ,,,r a little' If 1 hear'anv more absurd carnpariJnn, 1 will give you tv.'el ; "I'm done, as the month-;." beafstako id to OOok." "Xow, sir. your punishment i pond on tho sh..r;iii'-;s and eorr hall dJ tliess o' iiur aii-Wer-i I suppose y.ai Jive by .'() ihicLs?" illg around the duel I "Xo. -ir, I can't ai'oiuid the ducks without a boat, and I ain't got none.'' j "Aiisfler mo -ir. How do you get .ur i bread?" I "Sometimes at the baker':! and sometime.! I oat tatters. "Xo more of your suipid iioii!en ie. Row do you support yoilrselt?" "Sometimes on my legs and sometimes on a cheer." (chair ). "How do you keep yourself alive?" "By breathing, sir." "I order you to answci this question correctly, How do you do?" "Pretty well, I thauk you, judge. How do you do?" "1 shall have to commit you." 'Well, you've commitad yourself first, that's some consolation. Lessons to !e Learned. Xot logo to bed when you are sleepy, localise it is not a certain hour. To stand in water up to your knees fishing for trout, when you can buy them in a clean dry market. Men to commit suicide to get rid of a :hort life, ami iis evils, which must ncces- irily terminate iu a few yours, and thus cn terin ' uiinii one which is to last forever, , '? ., ,. , plairl the evils of which they du not seem to I not Dear animals put louoauijMiowini; i:u; utmost attention to the variety ami aoumt-ancc of their tables. To buy a horve from a near relative and believe every word he says iu praise of the animal he is desirous te dispose of. To suppose that every man wants to hear your child cry, and you talk nonsense to it. The perpetual struggle of affectation to pass for an oddity. To send your sou to travel into foreign countries, ignorant of the history, cwis'.i-tutioti, manners and language of his own To tell a person from whom you solicit a loan of money, that you arc in want of it. To be passiona'e iu your family and e.-j pect them to be placed. To think every man a mm of spirit who fights a duel. To pronounce them the ninst pious who never absent themselves from church. To lake offense at the carriage of any man with whose mind and conduct we are unacquainted. To laugh at the appearance and manners of foreigners, to whom we uiunt appear equally ridiculous. To occupy the attention of a large company by tin reeital of an occurrence interesting to yourself alone. Xot to wear a great coat when our joints are aching with rheuuiatimi, lest we should bo thought delicate. Smart. A gentleman one evening, was seated near a lovely woman, when iho company around him were proposing conundrums to each other. Turning to his companion he said: "Why is a lady unlike a mirror?" .Sho "gave it up." "Because," said the rude fellow, "a - 1 mirror reflects without spcakin lady speaks without reflecting;" "And why are you uuhLj a mirror?" II? could not tell. "Because a mirror is smooth and pol- ished, and you are rough and unpolished." The fnt!cnnn owned there was one hdy who did not speik without both rc fleeting and casting reflections. Wc are commanded to let our light shine before men: tho man with a red ! nose keeps his light ihiuing. before him ' No Mofe l)ai!fin$ f-T R'.T.. A ddier whale legs had l.or-ri '".rrlj 1 I.iw.ry hv' th" fcnv? by ;i u bnllan I who had boon long a paiie.'i! in the ho" i- t.il. one day. while ."iLLilW up.Iil'-d, vie ': , the ir.'.t V.'t-n wdl Tf;-' i. ';:?. vvr ' r ' i ' ' :.' '' 'I j it;;-." mid .. t L.-r !i.e." c .::.. I ..;.i-i i.i. tllliL' r.j " he ad.io.t. A .'..lp..rtei.r ,'iii.e In the afieri... r.n.i I ' iii.i'le a hasty di-liiluitiou of tract-, eivili"1 one to each bed. without slipping to -.'., the titles or see the t:l.lies f the s.do-tioj.. The fellow v. ho had lost l.P leg' r ''.r I :. little four -page Me.-vae-e. and log;..ii torn i '.I ... T! wnu great eaio-iiK.-". t lie nur'o. u i.eiiig the interest. sto!e"uti U-hind t j see the tl, ditioii." "Well, madam," he replied, "to ti 11 the truth. I think mv dancing davs are about XoRTHl.5lxr.RS NO LoXOI'.R ON TIIF.Tltfi: A MF.RH'.W K ACE.--The New Yolk IhroKi I relates tie.' following incident as having oe Utirred on board the pirate Alabama after j the capture of the ship Brilliant: ' "When Captain Hagar was transferred . to the Alabama, and ordered to be" put iu ' iroiH.he remonstrated with Mr. Armstrong.- the officer seeing the order enforopd, in the following language: He said, "It is a wrv singular thing that you should confine ihe-'e men in irons and hold me as a close prisoner when we were bom and brought up under the same flag and government. If I were to meet you in distress on the high seas, or any where elsvj jToM not only not treat vou in this malier, but would, if you required it, share the last crust of bread with you. if I found you to be in want of it.' To these kind remarks Armstrong replied. 'We are nothing to each other as countrymen. The North aud South are now distinct races, with no feeling or inter ests in common. The people of the South are the only true representatives of the American race. You of the Xorth have intermarried so much with the lower classes of Europeans, that you have, in a surest measure, if not altogether, lost your nationality, aud are not worthy to bo cor.s.dere.! of the same peojdc :i.siars:lvcs.'' A Slip or the Tongue. A gentleman whs ha.-! careful y trailed up his servant iu tho way he wanted him i to go, so that at all times ho couldd be au efficient aid iu helping him pull the wool over his wife's eyes, sent him one day with a box ticket to the house of a certain young lady. The scrvent returned when tho gentleman and his wife were at dinner. He had of course been told, in giving answers t" certain kinds cf mjssages, to substituts the masculine for the feminine prcaouno ia tpeakiug of a lady. Did you fee him, ajLed ihe frcnticiaan giving him his cue. Yes, sir, replied tho Ecrvcnt, ho said he'd go with a good deal cf pleasure, aud he'd wait ilryuu. sir. : What was ho doing, ' t'sked the ife. careful. hy lic was putting ca b:s E.ase', k ht blundering reply. The fat was in the fire forthwith, an 1 f ir the rest of that day the Eplutterng in that family was so vehement as to defy the sedative influence of a ucw bonnet, clok, thaU and dress. Mem He did'nt go with the husband to tho opera that night. A tc Widow. It is related that a nan cn his deathbed, called his wife to him and said: "I leave my horse ts my parents; sell him and hand the money you get for him over to them. But my dog I leave you. Hispose of him as you think best." The wife promised to obey. Ho in due time after the death of her 'Lord,' she started to find a market for her animal. "How much do you ask for your horse?" inquired a farmer. "I cannot rell the horse alone," shere-pllcd.-'biit I willtc'l you thehovsc and dog together, at a fair price for both. Give me one hundred dollars lor the dog and ouc dolkr for tho horse, and we can trade on those term;" and the cute widow conscientiously p'id to tic parents tho ohj dollar the received for the huno, and bnd to herself the one hundred dollar for lie dog. Wai she far wrong? . ... . Liir Vithoct Tmuls. WguH j:j wi:h t wi'Jrtit trials? Then Jcu would wkli to d:o Ut V!f s'taaa. -. .With- 'out trial jca caanot gaaw 'atyonr owa 'streneth. VMen d6 oot.leafd tu swim ca - 1 tuhlo; thoy uiurt k "T w,r- I luff t !h- 4Ufge... . t' ' I t;' 'l 1

1 1 Y -ift A. A A A vik. A A nil im I fl inn m mm J MM ! I ti sin t i U f 1 Ay Ay Ay WAT W roL. i.x MOUNT VERNON, OHIO THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 27 I8G2. NO THK MOl'.NT YERNOX KIN HhlCAX. T E I! M S: For oik! year (invariably in i!dv:inee)2,00 For six months, I.W Ti:i!MS OF AnVKRTrsINU Oiio square, 8 weeks, ( )lll! SqUai'O, ! tllOlltlH, ( (no square, 0 mouths, )iio square, 1 year, Jiu' square (changeable monthly) Cliuncitlilii weekly, Two squares, it week, Two squares, 0 weeks, Two aijuarer", :! mouths, l'wo squares, (i months, Two squares, 1 year, Three squares. il weeks, 'I'hree squares, (1 weeks, 1'hree squares. 3 months, Three squares, 0 months, Throe suiiares. 1 vear. 1.00 li.OH 1 10.00 15.00 1.75 :;.-j5 5,25 (i.75 s.oo L50 4.50 (1.00 8.00 1 0.00 One-fourtli column, ehnn. quavterlv. 1 "'.00 One-third " " " 22.00 One-half " " " One eolnniii, changeable quarterly, 50,00 All local notices of advertisements, or tailing attention to any enterprise intenileil to benefit individuals or corporations, will he charged at the rate often cents per line. 0dcct JJoctrn. K0 SECT IN llEAVEX. FROM AN EN'UI.ItW POEM. Talking of sects till late one eve, Of the various doctrines the saints believe That night I stood in a troubled dream, J?y the side of a darkly flowing stream. And a ''Churchman" down to the river came: When I heard a strange voice call his name, "Good father, stop; wlien you cross this tide, You must leave your robes on the other side." J!ut the aged father did not mind, And his long gown floated out behind, As down to the stream his way he took, His pale hands clasping a gilt-edged book. 'I'm bound for heaven, and when I'm there, I shall want my book of Common Prayer; And though 1 pat on a starry crown. I should feel quite lost without my gown." Then he fixed his e'cson a shining track, Hut his gown was heavy, and held him back, And the poor old father tried in vain, A single step in the flood to gain. T saw him again on the other side, Jiut bis silk gown floated on the tide; And no one asked in that blissful spot, Whether he bolonged to "the church" or not. Then down to the river a Quaker strayed, His dress of a sober hue was made; "My coat and hat must all bo of gray, I can not go any other way." Then he buttoned his coat ntraight up to his chin, And staidly, solmenly, waded in, And his broad-brimmed hat he pulled down tight Over his forehead, so cold and white. But a strong wind carried away his hat; A moment ho silently sighed over that, And then, as he gazed on the farther shore, The coat slipped ofl", and was seen no more. As ho entered heaven, his euit of gray Went quietly sailing away away, And none of the angels questioned him About the width of his beaver's brim. Next cams I'r. Watts with a bundle of 1 'sal ins Tied nicely up iu his aged arms, And hymns as many, a very wise thing, That the people in heaven ''all round," might sing. 15ut I thought he heaved an anxious sigh. As he saw that the river ran broad aud high, And looked rather" surprised as, one by one, The Fsalun aud Hymns in the wave went down. And after him, with his MSS., Came AVcsley, the pattern of godliness; Hut ho cried, "Dear me, what shall I do? The water ban soaked them through aud through. And there, on tho river, far and wide, Away they went; down tho swollen tide; And the saint, astonished, passed through alone, Withoutiis manuscript, up to the throne. Then gravoly walking, two saints by name, Down to tho stream together came, But on they came to the river'a brink, I saw ouc saint from the other shrink. I i. i i i ,j. ...in . 'j'l I II ft iv t t'l jii nil , iji.ij ..- J"lv friend, How you attained to life's great end?" " Tint), with a few drops on my brow." 'Jiut have been dipped, as you'll see me now. And T really think it will hardly do, As I'm 'eln.-e communion." to cross with ymi: You're bound. I know to the realms of bliss, Hut you must go that way, and I'll go this." Then straight w.iy plunging with all his might. Away to the left his friend to the right. Apart they-went from this world of sin, Hut at last together they entered in. And now, when the river was rolling on, A Presbyterian church went down; Gf women there seemed an innumerable throng, But the men I could count as they passed along. Aud concerning the road, they could never agree, The old or tin: iu w way, which it could be, Xnr ever a moment paused to think That both would lead to the river's brink. And a sound of murmuring long and loud. Came ever up from the moving crowd, 'You're in the old way and I'm in the new, That is the false and this is the true," Or, ''I'm in the old way and you're in the new, That is tho false and this is the true. But the Lntlarn only seemed to speak, Modest the sisters walked and meek, And if ever one of them chanced to say What troubles she met with on the way, I low she longed to pass to the other side Xor feared to cross over the swelling tide. A voice arose from the brethren then: Let no one speak but the "holy men;' For have ye not heard the words of I'aul, Oh, let the women keep silence all'' " I watched them long in my curious dream. Till they stood by the borders of the stream, Then, "jut as I thought, the two ways met, But all the brethren were talking yett And would talk on, till the heaving tide Carried them over, side by side; Side by side, for the way was one, The toilsome journey of life was done, ml all who in Christ the Savior died, Came out alike on the other side. MBS. PASSABLE TRGTT. UY X. 1". WILLIS. The temerity with which I hovered on the brink of matrimony when a very young man could only be appreciated by a l'atu-itous credulity. The number of very fat mothers of very plain families who can point me out to their respective offspring as their cmiuent papa, is ludicrous im probable. The truth was that I had a powerful imagination in my early youth; and no "realizing sense." A coral neck lace, warm from the wearer a shoe with a little round stain iu the sole, anything flannel a bitten rosebud with a mark of a tooth upon it a rose, a glove, a thimble either was agony, ccstaey ! To anything with curls and skirts and especially if encircled with a sky-blue sash, my heart was as prodigal as a Crotou hydrant. Ah me! But, of all my shortdernal attachments Fidelia Baleh (since Mrs. P. Trott) was the kindest and fairest. Faihloss of course she was, since my name does not begin with T but if she did not continue to love mo P. Trott or uo P. Trott she was shockingly for csworn, as can be proved by several stars, usually considered very attentive listeners. I rather pitied poor Trott for I knew "Her hoart it was another's." and he was rich and forty odd. But they seem to live very harmoniously, and if I availed myself of such little consolation as fell in my way, it was the result of philosophy. I never forgot the faithless Fidelia.This is to bo a disembowelled narrative, dear reader skipping from tho maidenhood of my heroine to her widowhood, fifteen year3 I would have you supply here and there a betweenity. My- own sufferings at seeing my adored Fidelia go daily into another man's houso and shut tho door after her, you can easily conceive. Though not in the habit of rebellion against human institutions, it did seem to me that tho inarriago ceremony had no business to give old Trott quite so much for his money. But the aggravating part of it was to come! Mrs. P. Trott grew prettier every day, and of oourss three hundred and sixty-five noticeable dogrees pret tier every year I Sho seemed inoapablo of t not liable to, wear and tear; and prob ably old Trott was a man, iu-doora, of very even behavior. And it should be said too. in explanation, that as Miss llal.h, Fidelia was a shade too fat for her model. She embelli.-hed as her dimples grew shallower. Trifle after trille, like the progress of a statute, the superfluity fell away from nature's original Miss Baleh, (as designed in heaven.) and when old Passable died (and no one knew what that P., stood for, till it was betrayed by the indiscreet platoon his coffin.) Mrs. Troll, thirty-throe years old, was at her maximum of beauty. Plump tailoring transparently fair, with an arm like a limb conditioned Xemis, and a neck was coiisumedly good-looking. When I saw in the paper, "pied; Mr. P. Trott," I went out and walked past the hoii-e, with overpowering emotions. Thauta to a great mony refusals, I bad been faithful! I could bring her the same heart unused and uddamaged, which I had offered her before! I could generously overlook Mr. Trott's temporary occupation, since he had left us his money! and when her mourning should be over the very day tho very hour her first love should be ready for her, good as new ! I have said nothing of any evidence of continued attachment on the part of Mrs. Trott. She was a discreet person, and not likely to compromise Mr. P. Trott till she knew the strength of his constitution. But there was evidence of lingering preference which I built upon like a rock. I had not visited her during these fifteen years. Trott liked me not you can guess why ? But T had a nephew, fivo years old when Miss Baleh was privately engaged; and as like me, that boy, as "could be copied by nature. He was our unsuspected messenger of love, going to play in old Baleh's garden when I was forbidden the house, unconscious of the billet doux in the pocket of his pinafore and to this boy, after our separation, seemed Fidelia to cling. He grew up a youth of mind and manners, and still she cherished him. He all but lived at old Trott's, petted and made much of, her constant companion, reading, walking, riding, indeed when home from college, her sole society. Are you surprised that in all this, there wau a tender ness of reminiscence that touched and assured mc ? I thought it .delicate; and best to let silence do its work (luring that your of mourning. I did not whisper eveu to my nephew Bob, the secret of my happiness. I left one card of condolence after old Trott's funeral, and lived private, counting the hours. The slowest kind of eternity it appeared!The morning never seemed to mc to break with so much difficulty and reluctance as on the anniversary of the demise of Mr. Passable Trott, June 2, 1850. Time is a comparative thing, I well know but time seemed to stick on interminable morning. I began to dress for breakfast at four, but details arc tiresome. Let mc assure you that 12 o'clock m., l!d arrive. The clocks struck it, aud the shadows vcr. ificd it. I could not have borne an accidental "not at home," and I resolved not to run the risk of it. Lovers, besides, are not tied to knockers and ceremony. I bribed the gardner. Fidelia's boudoir, I knew, opened upon the lawn, aud it seemed more like love to walk in. She knew, I knew, fate and circumstances knew and had ordained, that tha"t morning was to be shoved up, joined on oud dovetailed to our last separation. The time between was to be a blank. Of course she expected mc. Tho garden door was ajar as paid for. I entered, traversed tho vegetable beds, tripped through the flower walk, aud, oh bliss! The window was open! I could just sec the Egyptian urn on its pedestal of sphinxes, into which I knew (per Bob) she threw all the faded roses. I glided near. I looked in at the window. Ah. that nieture! She sat with her back to mc; her arm, that arm of rosy ala- baster, thrown carclesvly over her chair, her egg-shell chin resting on her other thumb and forc-finger, her cyc-lids sweep' ing her cheek, and a white yes a white bow iu her hair. And her dress was of snowv lawn white, bridal white! Adieu old Passable Trott. I wined mv eves and looked again Old Trott's portrait hung on the wall, but that was nothing. Her guitar lay on the table and did I see right? a minature just he-Bide it! Perhaps of old Trott taken out for the last time. Well, well ! He was a very respectable man, and had been very kind to her, most likely. "Ehem!" said I stepping over the sill "Fidelia?" She started and turned, and certainly looked surprised. "Mr. O.!" said she. "It is long since we parted!" I said helping myself to a chair. "Quito long!'' said Fidelia. "So long that you have forgotten tho name of G?" I asked tremulously. "Oh no!" she replied, covering up the minature on the table by a careless movement of her ttfarf. "And may T hope that that name Iris not grown distasteful to you'" I sum-' limned courage to say. I "X-no, T do not know that it has Mr. ' i i i ' 1 ! The blood returned to my fainting heart! j I 1 felt as in days of yore. I "Fidelia!'' said I, "let me not waste the' i preeioiH moments. Yon l.-A'cd lite all twenty may I hope that I may stand loi you ia n nearer relation' May 1 venture! to think that our fainilv i: not imworiliv ! I of a union with the l!a.le thai as Mr t!.. you could be happy!''' Fidelia looked hesitated took up tin1 miniature and clasped it to her breast. "Po I understand you rightly, Mr. (ii'"j she tremulously exclaimed. "Bat 1 think j 1 do! 1 remember well what yoti were at twenty! This picture is like what you ' were then w ith dill'eivnoos, it is true. I but still like! Dear picture!" she exclaimed again, kissing it with rapture. ! How could she have got my miniature? I but no matter, taken by stealth. 1 presume.1 Sweet and eager anticipation! -j "And Hubert has relurned from college. : then?" she said inquiringly. I "Xot that I know of," said I. "Indeed! then lie has written to you !" "Xot recently!" "Ah, poor boy! he anticipated! Well, Mr. (J, I will not affect to be coy where my heart has been so long interested." I stood ready to clasp her to my bosom."Tell Hubert my mourning is over tell him his name (the name of (1. of course) is the music of my life, and that I will marry whenever he pleases!'' A horrid suspicion crossed my mind. "Pardon me," said , lkiclttiiccLi- he jilrtum, did you say? Why, particular'. ;(7ici he phases?' "La! his not being of age is no impediment, I hope," said Mrs. Trott in some surprise. Look at his miniature, Mr. (.1. ft has a boyish look it's true but so had you at twenty. Hope sank within me! I would have given worlds to be away. The truth was apparent to me, perfectly apparent. She loved that boy Bob that child, that mere child and meant to marry him! Yet how could it be possible! I might be I muni be mistaken. Fidelia Baleh who was a woman when he was an urchin in petticoats! She to think of marrying that boy! I wronged her! But worse come to worse, there was no harm in having it perfectly understood. "Pardon me," said I, putting on a look as if I expected a shout of laughter for ihc mere supposition, "I should gather (categorically mind you, only categorically) I should gather from what you said just now, (had T beer, a third person listening, that is to say, with no knowledge of the parties,) I should really have gathered that Bob was the happy man, and not I! Xow don't laugh tit me!" Jok the happy man! Oh, Mr. O.! yon are joking! Oh; no, pardon me if I have unintentionally mislead yon, but if I marry again, Mr. (.!., it u ill bcayumy man ! ! .' In short, not to mince the matter, Mr. O., your nephew is to become my husband (nothing unforse.cn turning up) m the course of the next week: AVe shall have the pleasure of seeing you at the wedding of course! Oh no! You! I should fancy that no woman would make two unequal marriages, Mr. G. Good morning Mr G.!" 1 was left alone, and to return as I pleassd, by the veffetablc garden or the front door. I chose the latter, being somewhat piqued as well as inexpressibly grieved and disappointed. But philosophy came to my aid, and I soon fell into a mood of speculation.'Fidelia is constant!' said I to myself constant after all. Sho made up her mind for mc at twenty. Buy I did not Ma; turn-tij! Oh, no! I unadvisedly and without prc-parativcly cultivating her taste for thirty-live, became thirty-five. And now what was she to do? Her taste was not all embarked in Passable Trott, and it had stayed just as it was, waiting to be called up and used. She locks it up decently till old Trott dies and then reproduces what? Why, just whatshe has locked up a taste for a young man at twenty, and just such a young man as she loved when sho was twenty! Bob, of course! Bob is like me at twenty Bob is twenty! Bo Bjb her husband! But I cannot say I quite like such constancy 1 Solitude and society are always endeavoring to checkmate each other, and never succeed. Men have secluded themselves into an illuiive friendlcssness, when lo, they have either made a friend of some enemy, or transformed into a familiar for themselves a fawn, a pigeon, or a poodle! What three words did Adam use when ho introduced himself to Eve, and which read the same backward aad forward? "Ma-Lui, Via Adam." A llcrzj -man's Joke. I was spending the night ina hotel in ! The prisoner iu this en-v. whose name Fiveport. Illinois. Aft,-r breakfast I o;une ; was pirkey Swivel. uli,n "Stoe 'ipt. into the sitting room, whore I met a pleas- Fete." w.f placed at the bar and lion -1 ant. chatty, goobhiiuioied, traveler, whu'od by the judge to the following elle.-t: like mvsell'. was waiting for the morning i .Indue -' Fiine them isoiter intoeouil." train from Caloiiu. W. conversed pleas-j an tly on several topics, until si'eing two young ladies moot and kiss each other in ' the street, the conversation turned on Al.ol in:, j n st abuiii the time the train was up-! poaching. -Come, said he, taking up hi.-' I carpet bag. 'since we are on so sweel sub- jeet; let us have a practical application, I'll make a 'proposition to ym. I'll agree to kiss the most beautiful lady in the cars from Galena, you being; the judge, if you mil ivi.-v. uie ue.t meiiie.. i wi 111: i :. , it ., i i. . next lil'elties!. 1 being the! judge.' The proposition staggered me a; little, and I could hardly tell whether bo ' ;,,,., ." ; hject of the tract, when, to her auoiiwh. wu'j in earie-st or in fm,; l..t as he would j ..p,,, care .inyihiiig about the Looim, 1 moiit. she road: "The evil of modern dane-he as deep in it as 1 could possibly be. 1 ; tiv(1 Wl,at i Vonr business?" HepresVmg her latigliM', she said agreed, provided he would do the first kiss. ,.Tll;lt.s Vil,.;,;u,( lUi- t.al S;l;,l ffk.,, to the man: ing. though my heart failed me somewhat I ,,,. ,.,;,.!;,. ff tie t:,l,e." j "That tract U bardlv mitd to v oar oon- as t saw ins nacK eyes taiiiy sjiaikie wnu daring. 'Yes.' I'll try it first. You take ihe back car. and go in from iho front end, where you can see the faces of the ladies, and stand by the one you think tho handsomest, and I'll come in from behind and kiss her." I had hardly stepped inside the oar when 1 saw al the first glance, one of the lovelie.-t looking women mwyes ever fell on. A beautiful blonde with auburn hair, and a bright sunny face, full of love and sweetness and as radieut and flowing as the morning. Any further search was totally unnecessary. I immediately took my stand in the aisle of the car by her side. She was looking out of the window earnestly as if expecting some one. The back door opened and iu stepped my hotel friend. I pointed my linger slyly at her, never dieaniintf that he would dare to carry out his pledge; and you may imagine my horror and amazement when he stepped up quickly behind her, and stooping over kissed her with a relish that made "my mouth water" from end to end. 1 expected of course a shriek of terror, and a row generally, aud a knock down; but astonishment succeeded astonishment, when I saw her return the kiss with compound interest. Quick as a flash he turned to mo, and said, 'Xow, sir, it is your turn,' pointing t ) a hideous, ugly, wrinkled old woman who sat in the seat behind. 'Oh, you must exccu.se mc! you must execuso me!' I exclaimed; 'I'm sold this time, I give up. Do tell mc whoyouhave been kissing.' 'Well,' 1111 .. i it . i sniil lie 'ssinee von ;ire ;i man of .n lnileli I . . ii-i . Tii i , I taste, and such quick perception, 111 let i you off A ..,1 ..... .,11 I..!,, nf ,, . ., ,, . . ... T take the wise.it method of avoiding. augltter, as he said: 'litis is my wile; 1 1 ., ..... . ' .,. i r , r i I PeonUol exquisite sensibility, who can-lavo been waiting here tor her. I knew , . , . , . . 4. h; that was a safe proposition.' He told the story to his wife, who looked ten-fold sweeter as she heard it. Before we reached Chicago we exchanged cards, and I discovered that niygenial companion was a popular Episcopal preacher of Chicago, whose name I had frequently heard. Whenever I go to Chicago I always go to hear him, and a heartier, more iiatural,and more eloquent preacher is hard to find. He was then but a young man; he is now well known as one of the ablest divines of the Epis:copial denomination of the West. A Great Truth Well Spoken of Slav- cry. All other nations that have wished lo advance in tho career of progress and refinement have been compelled to rid themselves of this fatal eatider. They have been compelled to suffer it to die out by withholding all nutriment from it, or to cut it out by the sharp knife of the law; and we are now comiielled to follow tlieirexamples. Germany and France have no more bondmen; England has extinguished slavery in her islands; the Patch have just emancipated their entire possessions, and Hussia is enfranchising her twenty million serfs. The United States alone, of the great pow ers of the earth, stands as the upholder of bondage iu the midst of universal freedom. Tom, disheveled, bleeding at every pore because of this nefarious w rong, she has presented to her by the madness of the slaveholders' faction itself the opportunity for a glorious redemption. Sho can say to her four millions of slaves, without infrac tion of constitution or law, Be Free; and if &hc doe3 not avail herself of the right, sho will have proved signally unworthy of her privileges the opprobrium of mankind, the scorn of heaven and will be fitly con signed by an indignant Frovidcnce to the endless years of Mexican-like impotence and Mexican-like misery, which yill be then her inevitable fate. A grander choice j was never vouchsafed to mortal; a grander ' qucstioa was never to be determined; and! tho whole world watches tho issue with j fearful yet friendly hone. JV. Y. Evt. Post, i ' There is a Gxlic proverb: '-If the best min's faults wero written on his forehead it would make him pull his hi', over his Scene in a Folia- Olllce. pete "Her I am. hoim 1 to 1 l::r". a dn-spirii' of t:.:'i l.l!:. '.'i all yre." "We will t t i: .- a Lit!" file JllVV ,,, v,,u ;Vl.. uh ,,.(ri;.-ul.ir. lb. ,y ter roaste ulicii Hiev a kil him if f,. .. .j,,,, , )... n,.u t ... n. tu. siil.;H ,,.,.. ;,. Wu (( yim ivsler iiher ' : i .. ... ,,;,,,r ,i,.,t ,..,,,,. : in mv wav. as the , i,.,.,,,..,,.:. ,. .., ,,l,.n ,,. r:tll ,,,r a little' If 1 hear'anv more absurd carnpariJnn, 1 will give you tv.'el ; "I'm done, as the month-;." beafstako id to OOok." "Xow, sir. your punishment i pond on tho sh..r;iii'-;s and eorr hall dJ tliess o' iiur aii-Wer-i I suppose y.ai Jive by .'() ihicLs?" illg around the duel I "Xo. -ir, I can't ai'oiuid the ducks without a boat, and I ain't got none.'' j "Aiisfler mo -ir. How do you get .ur i bread?" I "Sometimes at the baker':! and sometime.! I oat tatters. "Xo more of your suipid iioii!en ie. Row do you support yoilrselt?" "Sometimes on my legs and sometimes on a cheer." (chair ). "How do you keep yourself alive?" "By breathing, sir." "I order you to answci this question correctly, How do you do?" "Pretty well, I thauk you, judge. How do you do?" "1 shall have to commit you." 'Well, you've commitad yourself first, that's some consolation. Lessons to !e Learned. Xot logo to bed when you are sleepy, localise it is not a certain hour. To stand in water up to your knees fishing for trout, when you can buy them in a clean dry market. Men to commit suicide to get rid of a :hort life, ami iis evils, which must ncces- irily terminate iu a few yours, and thus cn terin ' uiinii one which is to last forever, , '? ., ,. , plairl the evils of which they du not seem to I not Dear animals put louoauijMiowini; i:u; utmost attention to the variety ami aoumt-ancc of their tables. To buy a horve from a near relative and believe every word he says iu praise of the animal he is desirous te dispose of. To suppose that every man wants to hear your child cry, and you talk nonsense to it. The perpetual struggle of affectation to pass for an oddity. To send your sou to travel into foreign countries, ignorant of the history, cwis'.i-tutioti, manners and language of his own To tell a person from whom you solicit a loan of money, that you arc in want of it. To be passiona'e iu your family and e.-j pect them to be placed. To think every man a mm of spirit who fights a duel. To pronounce them the ninst pious who never absent themselves from church. To lake offense at the carriage of any man with whose mind and conduct we are unacquainted. To laugh at the appearance and manners of foreigners, to whom we uiunt appear equally ridiculous. To occupy the attention of a large company by tin reeital of an occurrence interesting to yourself alone. Xot to wear a great coat when our joints are aching with rheuuiatimi, lest we should bo thought delicate. Smart. A gentleman one evening, was seated near a lovely woman, when iho company around him were proposing conundrums to each other. Turning to his companion he said: "Why is a lady unlike a mirror?" .Sho "gave it up." "Because," said the rude fellow, "a - 1 mirror reflects without spcakin lady speaks without reflecting;" "And why are you uuhLj a mirror?" II? could not tell. "Because a mirror is smooth and pol- ished, and you are rough and unpolished." The fnt!cnnn owned there was one hdy who did not speik without both rc fleeting and casting reflections. Wc are commanded to let our light shine before men: tho man with a red ! nose keeps his light ihiuing. before him ' No Mofe l)ai!fin$ f-T R'.T.. A ddier whale legs had l.or-ri '".rrlj 1 I.iw.ry hv' th" fcnv? by ;i u bnllan I who had boon long a paiie.'i! in the ho" i- t.il. one day. while ."iLLilW up.Iil'-d, vie ': , the ir.'.t V.'t-n wdl Tf;-' i. ';:?. vvr ' r ' i ' ' :.' '' 'I j it;;-." mid .. t L.-r !i.e." c .::.. I ..;.i-i i.i. tllliL' r.j " he ad.io.t. A .'..lp..rtei.r ,'iii.e In the afieri... r.n.i I ' iii.i'le a hasty di-liiluitiou of tract-, eivili"1 one to each bed. without slipping to -.'., the titles or see the t:l.lies f the s.do-tioj.. The fellow v. ho had lost l.P leg' r ''.r I :. little four -page Me.-vae-e. and log;..ii torn i '.I ... T! wnu great eaio-iiK.-". t lie nur'o. u i.eiiig the interest. sto!e"uti U-hind t j see the tl, ditioii." "Well, madam," he replied, "to ti 11 the truth. I think mv dancing davs are about XoRTHl.5lxr.RS NO LoXOI'.R ON TIIF.Tltfi: A MF.RH'.W K ACE.--The New Yolk IhroKi I relates tie.' following incident as having oe Utirred on board the pirate Alabama after j the capture of the ship Brilliant: ' "When Captain Hagar was transferred . to the Alabama, and ordered to be" put iu ' iroiH.he remonstrated with Mr. Armstrong.- the officer seeing the order enforopd, in the following language: He said, "It is a wrv singular thing that you should confine ihe-'e men in irons and hold me as a close prisoner when we were bom and brought up under the same flag and government. If I were to meet you in distress on the high seas, or any where elsvj jToM not only not treat vou in this malier, but would, if you required it, share the last crust of bread with you. if I found you to be in want of it.' To these kind remarks Armstrong replied. 'We are nothing to each other as countrymen. The North aud South are now distinct races, with no feeling or inter ests in common. The people of the South are the only true representatives of the American race. You of the Xorth have intermarried so much with the lower classes of Europeans, that you have, in a surest measure, if not altogether, lost your nationality, aud are not worthy to bo cor.s.dere.! of the same peojdc :i.siars:lvcs.'' A Slip or the Tongue. A gentleman whs ha.-! careful y trailed up his servant iu tho way he wanted him i to go, so that at all times ho couldd be au efficient aid iu helping him pull the wool over his wife's eyes, sent him one day with a box ticket to the house of a certain young lady. The scrvent returned when tho gentleman and his wife were at dinner. He had of course been told, in giving answers t" certain kinds cf mjssages, to substituts the masculine for the feminine prcaouno ia tpeakiug of a lady. Did you fee him, ajLed ihe frcnticiaan giving him his cue. Yes, sir, replied tho Ecrvcnt, ho said he'd go with a good deal cf pleasure, aud he'd wait ilryuu. sir. : What was ho doing, ' t'sked the ife. careful. hy lic was putting ca b:s E.ase', k ht blundering reply. The fat was in the fire forthwith, an 1 f ir the rest of that day the Eplutterng in that family was so vehement as to defy the sedative influence of a ucw bonnet, clok, thaU and dress. Mem He did'nt go with the husband to tho opera that night. A tc Widow. It is related that a nan cn his deathbed, called his wife to him and said: "I leave my horse ts my parents; sell him and hand the money you get for him over to them. But my dog I leave you. Hispose of him as you think best." The wife promised to obey. Ho in due time after the death of her 'Lord,' she started to find a market for her animal. "How much do you ask for your horse?" inquired a farmer. "I cannot rell the horse alone," shere-pllcd.-'biit I willtc'l you thehovsc and dog together, at a fair price for both. Give me one hundred dollars lor the dog and ouc dolkr for tho horse, and we can trade on those term;" and the cute widow conscientiously p'id to tic parents tho ohj dollar the received for the huno, and bnd to herself the one hundred dollar for lie dog. Wai she far wrong? . ... . Liir Vithoct Tmuls. WguH j:j wi:h t wi'Jrtit trials? Then Jcu would wkli to d:o Ut V!f s'taaa. -. .With- 'out trial jca caanot gaaw 'atyonr owa 'streneth. VMen d6 oot.leafd tu swim ca - 1 tuhlo; thoy uiurt k "T w,r- I luff t !h- 4Ufge... . t' ' I t;' 'l 1