Must Read

“Nothing comes with out a price.” Well, that’s what we’ve heard our entire lives. That smart phone with more multi tasking ability than you could muster up in a week? It came with an equally adept price tag, enabling you to feel a melange of emotions all at once—from pride and superiority all the way down the rungs to guilt and exploitation. Those sexy pumps that double as bayonets? Sure, they look good, but you won’t notice the irreparable damage they’ve caused your posture till you’re on Celebrex and Methocarbomol.

What does any of this have to do with Doomsday or Isaac the hurricane? Well, if you live anywhere worth living with a temperate climate, sunshine and a mass of warm, crystalline water near you at all times, you know exactly what I’m talking about. If you live somewhere landlocked or bombarded with snow, your only concern is waiting for the penguin to cross the street before you can drag your tires (complete with chains) over to your next destination.

Every you look there’s a “Prepare for Hurricane Isaac” checklist. Here’s what I’ve gathered:

Water. Duh.

Batteries. For your flashlights, and, uh-well that’s all I can think of…

Crackers. You will be bored, you will get munchies.

Ok well that’s it. No really, there’s a few more things you should probably do, and I’ve concocted a list for that as well.

Since you’re going to be losing power, aside from flashlights, you’ll want to think of these things, too:

Lower your AC to 50. Don’t ask, just do it now. You’ll have a few days sans power to make up for the cost on your power bill, don’t fret.

Empty your fridge of the science projects. If they haven’t already grown appendages, they will in that incubator.

Load up on shot gun shells. If you live in a gated community, your HOA will take the precaution of leaving the gates open so no one gets trapped…This also means hoodlums can get in. Better safe than sorry.

Charge that over priced smart phone. If you have back ups from previous versions, charge those, too.

Take your valuables and stick ’em in the dishwater. Don’t turn it on.

Fill your tubs with water. It’ll be nice to take a bath on the 3rd day with out power.

Sit down and do yoga. Just kidding, I hate yoga…but if you like it, have at it. You’ll be extra limber to fit through the crawl spaces in the event your roof caves in on you.

Now it’s time to relax and remember why you chose to live in a place that’s constantly assaulted with cantankerous gangs of hydrogen and oxygen.