Discrimination against Fat People

Our society unfairly favors the thin.

Professor Geoffry Miller, a psychologist who teaches at the University of New Mexico and at NYU, posted a controversial tweet this week that enraged many students. He tweeted:

Dear obese Phd applicants: If you didn’t have the willpower to stop eating carbs, you won’t have the willpower to do a dissertation.

Miller later apologized and stated that his tweet doesn’t represent his selection criteria or the selection criteria of any university. His tweet has since been deleted but the issue of contemporary “fat phobia” remains in its wake. Is it true that people who can’t control their diets have less willpower in other parts of their lives?

In my junior year of college, I remember sitting one night at a bar with a close friend of mine who happened to be slightly overweight. We were chatting about midterms and an upcoming party when seemingly out of nowhere Sharon blurted out, “You know I hate you? You’re so thin it’s unfair. That’s why you got into every sorority on your list. That’s why it doesn’t even matter how well you do on your midterms. That’s why you’re looking forward to this party while I would rather just hide in the dorm.”

I was stunned. Sharon thought my life was easy just because I was thin. I had my own problems, and honestly they seemed a lot more challenging than a little bit of weight. In fact, it seemed to me that Sharon had the better deal. She was twice as smart as I was, which meant that I had to study far harder to keep up the same grades. She had a much better personality; she was funny and easygoing and kind. And to top it all off, she had a picture perfect family and a childhood that sounded idyllic to me. So what exactly was she jealous of? A smaller waist?

“I think you had too much to drink,” I said because I couldn’t think of any other response. But this turned out to be the wrong thing to say.

“You see, this is exactly what I mean. We have both had two drinks, but for me it’s too much and for you it’s fine, right? Because fat people aren’t allowed to drink or eat without everyone thinking that they have no self- discipline.”

Culturally, we assume thinner people are happier and more disciplined than their heavier counterparts.

What was with her? I wouldn’t even have thought of her as fat; I had no idea what she was suddenly so angry about. Much later, I completely understood. Culturally, we assume thinner people are happier, more disciplined and more successful than their heavier counterparts. But these assumptions are false and shallow.

Many thin people are skinny because of their genetic pre-dispositions, and conversely, most people struggling with their weight have naturally slower metabolisms. And even in the cases where an obese person is suffering because he or she lacks the willpower to diet, it doesn’t mean that they can’t discipline themselves in other areas of their lives. Of course this is true for thin people who work hard to stay that way too; they may be able to make it to the gym every day but that doesn’t mean that this willpower extends to every area of their lives.

Willpower is a gift that we’re all given, but like any muscle, we need to use it to keep it strong and functioning. And recent studies show that self- discipline used in one area or even one time period in one’s day can make it harder for us to be disciplined in other areas.1 The willpower muscle gets tired.

However, Rabbi Dessler ztz”l teaches that we can always move our “point of free will” forward in specific areas of our lives. For example, once a person has used his willpower to overcome a junk food diet for long enough, he will eventually no longer need to use the discipline muscle to tackle that habit. It will be behind him, and he can use his willpower to move forward in a different arena in his life. This reassures us that even though the willpower muscle becomes fatigued, it is needed to fix a habit only until that action becomes second nature for us, and then it is no longer something we need to use our free will to conquer.

This also reinforces the fallacy of the idea that obese students don’t have the same willpower as their thinner peers. Even if they are obese due to poor dieting, their motivation and discipline in their work is completely independent of their dress size. Unfortunately, this bias against obese people still exists despite the fact that people know intellectually that a high BMI doesn’t equal laziness. And often it also occurs in one of the worst places for discrimination: the doctor’s office.

A study recently showed that one third of third year medical students at the Wake Forest School of Medicine have an unconscious bias against obese patients. The study’s author, David Miller, says that these assumptions about obese people can seriously undermine the treatments that doctors offer: “If doctors assume obese patients are lazy or lack willpower, they will be less likely to spend time counseling patients about lifestyle changes they could make.”

And these false assumptions about the overweight seep into almost every area in our lives including stores, schools and the workplace. Unfortunately, Professor Geoffry Miller’s recent tweet is voicing an opinion that many people think without ever saying.

Being thin isn’t a ticket to success, but for a culture that believes we shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, many of us unintentionally do just that. Perhaps we could all use our willpower muscle to overcome this discrimination. Because the real battlefields are within us as we strive to move our points of free will forward. One move at a time, without judging each other.

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About the Author

Sara Debbie Gutfreund received her BA in English from the University of Pennsylvania and her MA in Family Therapy from the University of North Texas. She has taught parenting classes and self-development seminars and provided adolescent counseling. She writes extensively for many online publications and in published anthologies of Jewish women's writing. She and her husband spent 14 wonderful years raising their five children in Israel, and now live in Blue Ridge Estates in Waterbury, Connecticut, where Sara Debbie enjoys skiing and running in her free time.

Visitor Comments: 63

(42)
Wally Right,
June 15, 2013 4:36 AM

fat Jews

Many children of holocaust survivors and other food scarcity survivors have "food issues". These are related to feelings of deprivation, rejection and insecurity.Apparently these can be passed along from a mother who experienced deprivation and famine only in her early childhood.For weight loss and re-gaining health I would recommend the "Hallelujah Diet" search for it online, by Dr. Malkmus.

(41)
Anonymous,
June 14, 2013 12:44 AM

slow metabolism excuse

Stop using the "slow metabolism" excuse! People get fat when they store more consumed calories than they burn off, period. Also, very few people have the "genetic disposition" to be fat - another common excuse.Having said that, we need to be tolerant of all people, with all their strengths and shortcomings and treat them with dignity and respect. Very few people lead a charmed life, don't assume.

Diana,
June 14, 2013 3:17 PM

It is not an excuse

I´ve had a weight problem since the age of 11. I do agree that most of it was due to overeating, but a doctor once told me that I have genetic obesity which is the hardest kind of obesity to get rid of. I asked him how he knew that and he said that just by looking at me and the way my body looks he could tell.
I now watch my diet and eat healthy and try to adhere to 1500 calories a day. Many times I eat 1650 calories a day and I still can´t lose the weight. I walk every day but my metabolism is slow and my age does not help either. The older you get as a woman the harder it is to shift the weight even if you are doing everything right. I eat fruit for breakfast, watch my protein intake and measure the carbohydrates. I eat a cucumber and tomatoe salad with one tablespoon of light mayo for lunch. Does this sound like a diet to create obesity? So yes, the metabolism definitely plays a big role.

Diana,
June 18, 2013 8:57 PM

To Anonymous, June 14

It is not an excuse. My nutritionist said that as you age it becomes harder to lose the weight. One day I ate 150 calories all day and I still did not lose any weight the next day.

Anonymous,
June 30, 2013 9:16 PM

Please don't assume that one day of starving oneself could ever lead to sustained weight gain. The Torah teaches us to live with moderation and balance, not to temporarily push oneself beyond reasonable limits and expect instant results.

Gavi Meyer,
July 3, 2013 3:52 AM

You are misinformed. We are NOT all the same.

A "slow metabolism" is usually a matter of a less than optimal thyroid function level, but not necessarily. Similarly, a high function level can cause a fast metabolism. And yes, it often tends to run in families, as does bone structure and fat distribution patterns. There ARE people however, who are able to diet and loose, or add desired weight easily. Prejudice and discrimination are harder to control, as is intolerance due to misinformation..
.

(40)
MESA,
June 13, 2013 2:52 PM

One other thing that people don't remember is that BMI and even visual appearance do NOT tell the whole story. BMI does not account for pregnancy or muscle mass. There was a woman who is a weightlifter and who was on the US Olympic weightlifting team, but because of her muscle mass, she appears obese and is subject to all kinds of hurtful comments. It is possible to be plus-size and still be healthy, and it is possible to be skinny and unhealthy. The goal should always be good health, not a dress size.

(39)
k,
June 13, 2013 8:23 AM

On the other hand

I have a sister who is obese and she hates me because I don't have a weight problem - but only because I regularly diet. In daily life it means: I do the chores, she expects to be served as she is too lazy to get up to do anything. She also hits me and abuses me. So my experience is that obese people often abuse others, ie they discriminate against others.

Dvirah,
June 15, 2013 8:37 PM

One Point Does Not Make a Graph

Please do not judge all obese people by your sister. I expect that in this case her real problem is sibling rivalry and if it did not express itself in the weight issue, it would express itself in something else.

(38)
Anonymous,
June 11, 2013 8:45 PM

Confused

Are obese people feeling discriminated against partly due to there being a war on obesity? I remember when smokers were 'discriminated' against and up in arms. What of drug addicts are discriminated against and even imprisoned? It is their body and their right to abuse it and what of prostitutes, are they being discriminated against too? The confusion is when it it right to pull a discrimination card? Does this mean when we care enough to encourage weight loss of our loved ones we are 'discriminating' against them? So what about suicide, is it discrimination to call one type of suicide legal and another illegal?

Society has always set the norms and sometimes that means discriminating against things that are harmful to society.

(37)
Anonymous,
June 11, 2013 7:39 PM

Prejudice cuts both ways..

When I was younger and quite a bit thinner-I recall comments to me by an obese aquantaince. The thinking was that because I am thin everything comes easily to me. It does not. I went to school on merit scholarships-recieved honors and awares because of my grades, which I worked vigorously at - went to grad school-worked VERY hard at my job and progressed in my field. Let's don't be so quick to dismiss people's hard work and accomplishments. (I don't think people staring in the market is right-but I wonder how much of the assumpions that it is easy for the thinner woman is just that.)

(36)
MaGuyver,
June 11, 2013 5:56 PM

Between the armrests

When you fly on a airplane, you are paying for the space between the armrests. If you don't fit in 1 economy seat, then pay for a 1st class seat, or 2 economy seats, but don't expect to hang over in my seat.

(35)
SusanE,
June 11, 2013 5:04 PM

You are What You Eat.

Every Jewish person knows that is true. You are what you eat. It's why there is Kosher limiting meat and dairy. If you eat fat your body becomes overly fat and inefficient. To stay fat you must consume many more calories.- - - - - - - Ask the physicians, and they will tell you that it is mostly a waste of their time to counsel fat people about eating proper foods for their bodies. The patients always have an excuse for their destructive behavior. The Drs.watch patients develop Type2 diabetes, wear out their knees, have various surgeries and ailments because of bad eating habits. A woman told me there are Drs. who are refering their obese patients elsewhere if they won't follow through on the Dr. health recommendations. - - - - Every fat person I know has stashes of food in the cupboards, in their desks at work and if they are women, in their purses. And it's never non-fattening stuff. It's always something in a wrapper or a bag and always finger foods. Chips, candy bars, soda pop. Fat men I know keep junk foods in their cars and frequent fast food drive-thrus during the day. Men are better at hiding their overeating. Seen it for years and years, I will garantee if you are with a fat woman for a few hours you will see her eat junk food with her fingers. A container of juice, pretzels or an apple is just as easy to carry. - - - - - All people have the option not to buy fat foods at the grocery store. If you don't buy it... you can't eat it. No excuses.

carolyn,
June 12, 2013 1:43 PM

if only there was a cure for being judgmental

I am not overweight, but I was as a child. It bothers me that people are so shallow about this. I understand about the health issues related to obesity, but personally I don't judge a book by its cover. I had never dated someone that was overweight until recently. He is more attractive to me than my ex husband who is a thin exercise freak and used to criticize me for not having the body of an athlete. Your body is important, but so is your mind, your character, and how you treat people. When I dated online, whenever someone was super athletic or being thin was a requirement I skipped them. Some of them liked me and asked me why I had rejected them, and I said because I was afraid my curves did not fit with their profile of who they were looking for. People are missing out on each other over this and its a shame. I decided to keep an open mind and I am glad I did.

(34)
Anonymous,
June 11, 2013 5:30 AM

YOUR WEIGHT WILL DETERMINE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE

It started on the playground, and continued in school. Your teachers, and classmates treat you differently. Your weight can determine your future, and whether you are poor or have money. I have been overweight my entire life, and was born at 14 lbs. I am in my 50s, and the doctors did not check for diabete. She was a diabetic, and I later found out about it. Diabetic moms give birth to very large babies, and I believe my mom was a diabetic from birth. She discovered it years later, and spent the rest of her life on insulin.Your weight can dictate whether you stay in school, or drop out and the pressure is unbearable on a very young person. It determines your career, and your entire life. Females who are overweight live in poverty, and males do not suffer the same fate. I do not want to go into details here, but believe me overweight women suffer during their entire lives and we are basically alone in the world because we are fat. It is a burden from birth to death, and someone or something will remind you every second of your life you are overweight.I had a co-worker told me I should stay home, because I was too fat and we are expected to hide for the rest of our lives. The looks, and the comments are hurtful. Society will never let you forget for one second you are fat, and do not belong on this planet.I believe if certain people in this world had the power they would kill all fat people, and we would be exterminated. In a survey years ago some women picked blindness over weight, and would rather be blind than fat.

LS,
June 11, 2013 1:22 PM

Sorry for your pain

I'm so very sorry for the hurt and pain you feel and for the struggles in your life. But you're more than just your weight and don't let that one factor victimize you; your brains and had work are what will determine your career outcome and there are men out there who are sexually attracted to larger bodied women. Remember that there's a reason wedding dresses come in all sizes not just 0 and 2. If you take care of aspects of your appearance you can control ie hair makeup skin dress attractively for your body type etc and keep a happy positive attitude, you'll meet the right one for you. Remember that you're not trying to attract the entire male population, just one.

(33)
Tom,
June 11, 2013 1:56 AM

the health issue

You fail to address the issue of health here. Many illnesses have their origin in being overweight. So, it's a good idea to try to control your weight, if you have a tendency to be overweight. A morbidly obese person using an electric shopping cart, loaded with twinkies and soda, and who later walks to her(his) car, does not earn my respect for dealing seriously with his(her) situation.

(32)
Bobby5000,
June 10, 2013 6:00 PM

doesn't it vary

I was at an important meeting and this heavyset woman provided a computation of damages. While I was on the other side, I knew her computations were correct. While a cute blonde may have sauntered in and not done the underlying work, you knew this lady was here on merit, nothing else. So I personally ascribed more credibility to her because of her weight.

(31)
L.S.,
June 10, 2013 5:40 PM

Fat is not always someone's fault

I used to weigh a lot more than I do now and it was not because, as some people used to say to me, because I couldn't stop shoving food in my face. Celiac disease and other food intolerances and allergies can mess up your metabolism and many people after punishing themselves with low calorie diets and strenuous exercise and yet who still couldn't lose weight, are pleasantly surprised to see that they lose 10 lbs effortlessly once they cut out the wheat gluten/dairy or other offending food. Many people have metabolic disorders or thyroid issues and a host of other problems that prevent them from being thin. The diet industry loves to sell us on whole grain products, juices, and long strenuous cardio exercise all of which is counterproductive. Grains are a guaranteed way to make any mammal fat, juice spikes insulin, and long moderate cardio on the treadmill is a complete waste of time. The key is drinking lots of water, eating a diet of vegetables, fruit, and lean proteins, and to focus on weight training and interval cardio. Unfortunately there is not much money to be had in selling hard boiled eggs and raw veggies to people and thus the industry contrives ways to keep people in a perpetual cycle of dieting and still being fat. Best of luck to all those struggling with their weight...it is a painful struggle that is hard but doable. It took me about two years to lose 40 lbs but if I can do it, you can too!!

(30)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 4:55 PM

It is a lifestyle choice

Regardless of the rare instances where medical issues account for weight problems, one way or the other, it is almost entirely lifestyle choices that dictate whether we are overweight or not. Having been quite fat, as well as not, and having seen it numerous times where people have gone from thin to obese, and then chosen (yes, chosen) to life a lifestyle that prevents them from being overweight, I know that it is our choices that dictate whether we are overweight or not. But it is a choice that we have to truly want in order to not be overweight. It takes dedication to live a lifestyle that includes exercise and eating right. That lifestyle must be throughout every aspect of your life, not just spending a few minutes in gym every other day.

(29)
Tony Vetrano,
June 10, 2013 3:33 PM

Say it anyway

Nice Trick Doktur Miller: Say it anyway and then ask for forgiveness later. Lose weight have psycho babble for lunch today and then Buy Doks Book later? Notoriety is tasty promotion Dok.

(28)
trepkos,
June 10, 2013 2:57 PM

Dont belittle the problem of obesity.

The last thing that morbidly obese people need is telling them it is not their fault and that it is OK to be fat. Morbid obesity is a problem of catastrophic proportions in this country. Its not about being a bit overweight, its not about a few extra pounds here and there. What some people do to themselves by overeating is just terrifying to see . How fat or how thin you are depends solely on your caloric intake - it does not matter if you eat twinkies or spinach! As somebody who came to the US from Europe I have to tell you that this is the first thing that strikes you when you leave the airport - the number of people who are not just chubby, not plus size but monstrously overweight. By they own choice and yes - because their lack of willpower. Its not OK to be overweight, just as anorexia is not OK and smoking is not OK. It is OK to take care of oneself. Somehow people outside of the US (europe etc.) dont fall victim to these supposed ilnesses and "problems with metabolism". Whether anyone admits to it publicly or not, morbidly obese people will continue to be judged.

(27)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 7:20 AM

Responsa - Pt. 2. The Torah Perspective

The more appropriate conclusion to an article about the way fat people are treated should have included these thoughts:1. That which is hateful to you, do not do to your fellow man. Giving unsolicited advice falls into this category.2. Love thy neighbor as thyself. Part of being a loving, kind, God-fearing individual includes not judging harshly, and refraining from embarrassing others. Read and reread, with commentary, Vayikra (Leviticus) ch. 19, verses 15-18.3. Hellenism is alive and well. The Greeks gave us aquifers, central heating, maps and the foundation of Western medicine. They also gave us a warped perception of physical beauty, which today manifests itself in anorexia nervosa, bulimia, the desire for lap-band surgery and gastric bypass surgery, and body dysmorphic disorder. Their emphasis on external “beauty” and physical prowess vs. middos, intelligence and sensitivity actually sealed their fate as a nation that would not endure. Although the Torah recognizes that physical beauty has its place in the world (see commentaries on David HaMelech, Sarah Imanu, Esther haMalka, etc.), it is crucial to note that the same individuals who were noted for being physically attractive or beautiful were likewise noted for their extraordinary intelligence, chesed, and yiras Shamayim. 4. It is critical to this discussion that at no point in the Torah are the words “thin” or “skinny” associated with the attributes of physical beauty. In fact we have no way of knowing what dress size Esther HaMalka wore, or if Shlomo HaMelech would have shopped at a “big and tall” men’s store. These ideas are extraneous and in fact detract from the relevant facts of the Biblical narrative.

Tom,
June 11, 2013 1:48 AM

I think you are stretching the Hellenistic point just a bit. I think the emphasis was on fitness.

(26)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 7:19 AM

Responsa, pt. 1 - This is Personal

I have grappled with a weight "problem" all of my 51 years. No matter how much I work out, exercise, stay active and eat a healthy diet, my weight remains high – often too high for society to handle. Recently I’ve discovered underlying medical issues that are too private and complex for me to divulge here, but are the reason that I remain a plus-sized lady. Despite the fact that society's vilification of me as a "lazy & stupid person" is completely false, my life remains disproportionately difficult. Everyone has a "refuah" for me: physicians, neighbors, complete strangers, relatives & “friends”ply me with advice that runs the gamut: “Get your thyroid checked.” “ Drink this new coffee - my uncle tried it and lost xx pounds in a month!” “Use your CPAP - my aunt did and she lost xx pounds in 2 months!” “Go to OA.” “You should eat Atkins.” “Walk more.” “Swim more.” “ You don’t drink enough water.” “You don’t have any willpower.” Well, skinny world, here's a revelation for you: this is the way H" made me and there isn't anything you can do about it. My thyroid is fine. I don’t need more coffee. I use my CPAP and my weight remains the same. I eat a balanced, high-water content, mostly vegetarian, low fat, high protein, low carb diet. I walk, I swim. The OA “diet” made me gain weight. Atkins backfired. I drink plenty of water. And I do, so have willpower – the very fact that I haven’t smacked you for invading my space with your insults and baseless advice is proof of that.

Stop trying to "fix" me and just let me live my life. Let me serve Hashem the same way my great grandmother did – the woman who I resemble, right down to the color of her eyes, her short stature, and her dress size.

Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 10:45 AM

Hurray

Bravo for your strength & proud attitude.
No one is fully satisfied with his own body. We shouldn't hate ourselves when we differ from the thinness norm.
In previous times, being fat meant being a jolly fellow and a skinny person was believed to be cold and austere ...

(25)
Orah,
June 10, 2013 5:22 AM

Weight, for the most part, is not a choice.

I do not, baruch Hashem, have to struggle with my weight. I enjoy eating and am able to eat whenever I feel like it without gaining weight. However, I realize that I am very lucky. People who are overweight fight an uphill battle against their own bodies every day of their lives. I have nothing but sympathy for such people and wait for the day when Gentile ideals of beauty stop being the standard by which we judge our fellow Jews' appearance.

fr0gs,
June 10, 2013 10:25 AM

you say that we follow the ideals of Greek beauty.
What else could we do, there aren't any jewish ideals of beauty, or are there ?

Orah,
June 11, 2013 5:38 AM

The Pursuit of Beauty in Judaism

The body in Judaism is simply a vessel for the soul. Our purpose in this world is not to serve our bodies but to use out bodies to serve the needs of our souls. Certainly, this includes making reasonable efforts to preserve our bodies' heath. However, the quest for health should not become an obsession that trumps our ultimate purpose in this world- to serve as emissaries of G-d and elevate our souls.

(24)
Eve Pastor,
June 10, 2013 4:35 AM

Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain

Thank you for your thoughtful article. I am happy that a "woman of valor" doesn't have to be thin (and in fact weight is not mentioned at all in that text). I feel sorry for people who only judge themselves and others based on appearance. Let's use our willpower to better ourselves intellectually and spiritually. Let's move beyond thin = pretty = smart = nice = hardworking = willpower and fat = ugly = stupid = mean = lazy = no willpower. These false assumptions are just stereotypes and the truth is more complex. The ability to eschew carbs doesn't mean a person will be an outstanding graduate student. Thanks again for your article.

(23)
Margarita,
June 10, 2013 4:26 AM

so, we all agree that there is no known reason for being obese

so, we all agree that there is no known reason for being obese and yet, we are judged so very quickly. btw, i am not slow, work as fast as anyone else and take less sick days. not going into the reasons why this is happening to me, i am "glad" to see acceptance. a quick point though, someone who is coming from minority, next time you are not sure why people do not accept us as Jews, start with trying to accept people who look different to you. after all, this is just a look regardless of other reasons you are hiding behind..........

(22)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 3:44 AM

Being thin is not a choice

As someone who is very thin, I can tell you it is not a choice, I often eat more unhealthy then my overweight friends. Set point theory states that the body is genetically predisposed to stay around the same weight. obviously dieting could help one lose weight and overeating does the opposite, but much of our body make up is genetically pre-disposed.And let me say i can surely assert that being thin by no means solves life's problem!

(21)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 3:28 AM

Being Fat isn't your fault

I'd like to address everyone who is overweight: It isn't your fault. It is the fault of processed food manufactuers who add salt, sugar, and fat to foods containing little fiber. These foods fail to satisfy hunger until too many calories are consumed. There was litle obesity in previous generations because more natural foods where commonly eaten. If we ate what our grandparents recognized as food, we would have little problem with obesity today. I myself was fat at one time but now I eat my fill and don't gain weight - becaise I choose my foods from vegetables, fruits, whole grains, legumes along with a limited amount of nuts and seeds and I only drink water or tea. I eat meat only on passover. I shun packaged foods and follow a program similar to Dean Ornish's book: "Eat More; Weigh Less."

(20)
Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 2:48 AM

Moving our free will forward one move at a time…

Thanks for the encouragement Rav Dessler and Sara--there's not much out there for us! How it was 30 years ago: 36-23-37,tennis, mountain climbing , cycling, folk dancing. That was my life. Then a crippling auto accident took it all. Celiac disease hit after that, robbing my body of the ability to absorb nutrients. I'm essentially starving to death as a fat person as metabolism slows to prevent the deterioration. Then my thyroid shuts down. Completely. Kept alive artificially thanks to medication. Still, enough cortisol for 4 people. Elevated cortisol produces fat cells. Ahh…but there's more. Exposure to undetected toxins for 2 years caused body to go onto hyper drive protection mode by enclosing the toxins in yet more fat cells to preserve vital organs. This is automatic. I'm huge now. Stuck in a perpetual fat suit. My once gorgeous thick waist-long head of glistening curls has now turned into scraggly white brittle thin wisps. Beautiful complexion gone. No energy. In desperation I hired a personal trainer a couple of years ago and blew out both knees because neither of us knew I was missing a certain enzyme needed to tebuild muscle. Almost died from parasites due to the lack of metabolism and the other disease conditions. My life these days? I get the looks. The moralizing judgements. All the time. Every day. Religious people and fitness people are the worst. For others who deal with weight it's importent to avoid HFCS. The Shrink Yourself program is good for emotional eating. And walking 30 min a day and eating a whole foods diet is your best insurance. But for me, being in this state has taught me a lot about people and truth and about myself. There are 1000s of reasons and combinations of reasons why people are too fat. And there's 1000s of ways and combinations of ways to hurt fat people. OR you can extend respect and love and acceptance, which may assist the fat person (especially if they're struggling) to move toward something better than their failures.

(19)
Kenneth H. Ryesky,
June 10, 2013 1:53 AM

What about holding the fat people accountable?

I will now be the heavy (pun intended) and post what many others are thinking, but are too polite to say. And I am doing so under my own name:

The other side of this is that too many fat people do not take responsibility for what they do to the rest of us. They drive up the cost of our health care with their medical issues. In order to protect them from themselves, New York nanny mayor Mike Bloomberg has abridged normal people's ability to obtain large sodas and other foods. The fatsos crush us and squeeze us out of our seats on busses, trains and airplanes (and make the planes more crash prone with their added weight). They block our ingress and egress with their large bodies, often in emergency situations where ingress/egress is critical. They sit on and crush objects because they cannot see where they are sitting because their sight is obstructed by their big fat bellies.

Most if not all fat people have their own little candy stash, whether in the open on their desks or coffee tables, or hidden covertly in drawers, cars, under mattresses or other secret places.

The fact is that fat people relate to food in a far different way than do normal people. They make the decision to ingest the food, and do so without regard to the consequences. The consequences to themselves are personal choices, but we certainly have the right to protest the consequences they inflict upon the rest of us.

Yes, society does discriminate against fat people. But the tendencies of fat people are well known and predictable, and the damage they inflict upon the rest of us can be more than trivial.

This is not to say that individual fat people cannot be worthy and competent, and it is not to say that they cannot excel in their positions. But those who protest the discrimination against fat people severely overlook the need to hold fat people accountable for what they do to the rest of us with their big fat bodies.

Orah,
June 10, 2013 7:24 AM

Food for thought, Kenneth

Kenneth,
You speak with such rage of "fat bellies" crushing, sitting, blocking, and otherwise upsetting you. What is the source of your fury? Why are you so obsessed with other people's bodies?

Kenneth H. Ryesky,
June 10, 2013 6:49 PM

Displacement and Opacity

Orah, I have, in fact, actually been physically displaced by a fat person sitting next to me on an airplane, whose big fat belly bulged out well into my seat. And I could not read my book because that same body whose physical massiveness you now trivialize was blocking the reading light when the cabin lights were turned off.
And yes, I have on more than one occasion actually had some of my possessions crushed because a fat person carelessly sat on them.
I do not consider myself to be obsessed with other people's bodies, but neither can I deny that their bodies are opaque, have mass, and physically displace other objects, including my own body.
And I have had ample occasion to observe fat people and their eating habits. The additional body mass is not made from some sort of photosynthesis, it accrues from their stuffing megacalories down their gorguls and into their digestive systems, where the calories are converted to fat. This is all scientific fact!
I am all for the acceptance of of fat people, but acceptance does not necessarily require giving them a pass from accountability for what they do to the rest of us with their bodies.

Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 6:44 PM

just one word...wow

What you are saying, Mr. Ryesky, is highly inconsiderate and uncalled for. Some people cannot help their. Many ARE trying to lose weight, and get healthier. Being healthy is more important than your dress (or pants) size. They may have a bodily disorder of some sort. It may have been in their genetics to be larger than the average size. So please put yourself in their shoes before posting such an insulting comment.

Kenneth H. Ryesky,
June 11, 2013 9:23 PM

So how does coddling bring about accountability?

"Anonymous," it is politically incorrect to even mention a person's obesity, but if we say nothing then the fat people invariably claim that we are marginalizing them. When it comes to fat people, we are damned if we do and damned if we don't.
I am not denying that many fat people have significant medical issues. Nor am I denying that genetics plays a role (I myself strive to keep myself fit in spite of the fatness genes I no doubt inherited from my grandmother).
But you seem to advocate giving the fat people one big pass as they obstruct movement in close spaces, displace and crush their fellow passengers, make the airplanes on which they travel more crash-prone, and drive up everyone's healthcare costs.
But what about all of those fatsos who eat triple helpings of fattening foods on a daily basis? What is society supposed to do in order to hold them accountable for what they do to the public with their oversize bodies? Coddling and humoring them have long proven to be failed policies!

(18)
Liney,
June 10, 2013 1:32 AM

The challenge of prosperity

This is one of the challenges of prosperity: we can eat anything we desire for relatively little money and with little expenditure of time, e.g., fast food, take-out, potato chips, and candy bars. This wasn't true a hundred years ago, and therefore the standard diet was much different. I also think that culturally we require our starlets to be skinny but encourage our kids and ourselves to be fat. I am naturally thin but recently had to work hard to lose 15 pounds after three babies. I do not envy those who have trouble keeping their weight down; there's temptation on every corner deli and in every drug store. It is very hard to swim against the tide of unhealthful eating in this country (at least where I live). Coke and snack bags are actually considered to be food, which is really quite ridiculous when you think about it. Sugar is in everything. How absurd is that? While I do not think the government should get involved in our waistlines, I do think we have a serious problem on our hands: too much obesity and the ensuing health issues and skyrocketing medical costs. And much of this took place after the government started its low-fat and high-carb revolution. The government was wrong about fats (good) and carbs (bad), and now we are paying the piper with diabetes, cancer, and heart disease, among others. There should not be discrimination against the obese person -- his/her value is of course completely independent of external appearances --, but obesity should be frowned upon culturally, for health reasons, not aesthetics.

(17)
Carin,
June 10, 2013 12:44 AM

DISCRIMINATION it exists

I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I was given all the help that I was possibly need, eg dieticians, pharmacy help, dental, optical. I was only just in the range. My diabetes is now well controlled.

I have had a weight problem around my middle. i was overweight, but definitely not obese. However, all anyone said including doctors was lose weight. ABSOLUTELY NO HELP WAS GIVEN. No diet charts, no referrals, nothing.

I have one question, why was this help not offered before i became diabetic.

Anonymous,
June 15, 2013 8:56 PM

Very True Observation

I have also seen, not just in this area but in others as well (public safety issues, finance, etc.) that there is very little interest in prevention even where it is entirely possible (such as fencing or closing up a hole before someone falls in). Most people apparently perfer to rescue, perhaps because it is more ego-lifting to give obvious help than to prevent the damage. But even with help after the fact some damage is irreversible. I wish I could convice people that prevention is better even if less glamorous.

(16)
rebecca,
June 9, 2013 11:06 PM

Unfortunately, for those of us that may have a tendency to gain weight, one has to work hard to discipline oneself to maintain a healthy weight. For me, that includes being mindful of the food that I put in my body on a daily basis. When I go to the market, I read ingredients. I keep up with the latest health/dietary news. I try to exercise at least several times a week. In addition, when it comes to Shabbos, there is no law that one has to prepare meals with a gazillion calories every week. Furthermore, when one goes to a simcha one does not have to engage in gluttonous activity. I personally will often skip the shmorg so that I can enjoy the dinner. Viennese tables are off limits. While sometimes I may desire that food very much, I tell myself that in the long run, I am treating my body with love. The other extreme which is also unhealthy is the emphasis on being a size 0 or 2. This is also being unkind to one's body when people starve themselves of the nutrients that our bodies require. Balance is the key!

(15)
Tracey,
June 9, 2013 10:56 PM

Faulty article

I was disappointed that this article didn't address the subject. It just danced around it and fed the fallacy. I've been overweight my whole life (not a great deal, but I'm predisposed to carry my weight in a concentrated area). I'm smart, funny, dress as best I can for my shape, and live in a constant state of dieting (or what most of you are calling willpower). I know that I don't get the same consideration as my slimmer counterparts. It's hard to fight a prejudice when every day we're bombarded with messages telling us to be thinner, fitter, prettier, younger, etc. Right now I'm in a program for women who developed eating disorders in middle age because of these prejudices. Sadly, it's a growing number.

(14)
Jewish Mom,
June 9, 2013 9:29 PM

There are many other areas where people lack will power!

For all the self-righteous people who write that overeating is a choice and is dangerously unhealthy - it surely is, but it is no different than YOUR area of weakness. Some humility is called for. Do you smoke? Are you too sedentary? Are you judgmental of others? Do you gossip and talk about others' faults? Do you take care of private business on the job (e.g. texting, phoning)? Do you speed, double park or don't stop fully at a stop sign? If you are religious and pray the daily prayers, do you concentrate on each word you are saying in the presence of G-d or do you rattle them off? Where's your will power in YOUR area of imperfection?! Yes, overeating is a choice, and a poor one at that. But don't be so self-righteous. We ALL need to exercise will power to overcome our weaknesses and none of us has reached perfection in all areas. Just because the weakness of overweight people is easily apparent doesn't make them any weaker-willed than the speeder who is a potential murderer of more than just himself. Let's all try our hardest to exercise free will in the most beneficial way; may we be blessed with success and much personal growth!

(13)
Tom,
June 9, 2013 8:17 PM

health

As a transit bus driver, I transport people of varying sizes, every week. The largest fellow, with his scooter, might tip the scales between 800 and 1000 pounds. His favorite restaurants offer buffets. "So what?" you might ask. Here's "what": He's on welfare, as he's so heavy that he can't work (he worked in the restaurant industry). He's not the only one like this that our company transports. Taxpayers pay for his welfare, housing, utilities, food, scooter, healthcare. Make this guy (and everyone else) responsible for their own healthcare, and I'm sure the pounds would begin coming off. Just my two cents worth.

(12)
ana,
June 9, 2013 7:44 PM

People discriminate against the overweight

Because they can.That's all.Sincerely,A 17 year old girl who doesn't even weigh 100 pounds.

(11)
Fran,
June 9, 2013 7:11 PM

NOT ALL FAT PEOPLE OVEREAT

I have a rare metabolic disorder. My body requires an average of 65% carbs that are easily converted to glucose otherwise I get extremely ill. My body does not burn fat easily because my body cannot main proper temperature and stays at least 2 degrees and often more below normal. I eat very little because of a combination of the disease and food allergies. I cannot tolerate many vegetables and fruit. My caloric intake is small even though I do have to have sugary foods. My ability to exercise is reduced because my body does not make heme properly and I suffer from profound fatigue. My point in sharing this is that it should not always be assumed that fat people are pigs, it is unfounded, unfair, and very hurtful to a lot of very ill people. I dare say that the same people who see fit to insult fat people would not insult a chemotherapy patient who has lost their hair because they realize they are sick. There are actually several metabolic disorders besides the genetic one my brother and I have been diagnosed with. The appearance of the body is not all there is to a person and the assumption that it is comes from small uneducated minds. We struggle every day to fight an illness that has so many horrible symptoms including the possibility of paralysis and death that being fat is the least worrisome of our symptoms. A little compassion and less judgement might be nice.

(10)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 6:12 PM

All well and good, but . . .

All well and good as far as it goes, Ms. Gutfreund. But Americans and general and American Jews in particular are overweight. Moreover, it's more than just a little ironic that on the same Aish.com page on which Ms. Gutfreund's piece appears, Aish is promoting dessert cakes under the rubric, "Awesome Summer delights!" Looking at the photos and the ingredients, I shudder at the carb/calory count! Wouldn't it have been better, not to mention in the interest of flat tummies, if Aish had printed some recipes for fresh fruit deserts without the sugar, the chocolate and all the other artery-clogging gunk?

(9)
Olive Weitzel,
June 9, 2013 5:50 PM

fat people live unhealthy

Teaching nutrition I have experienced the simple formula:Fat makes Fat!Very, very few fat people are sick, most of them simply eat too much.

(8)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 5:20 PM

It's still okay to discriminate against fat people

Part of the problem is that in a society where it's politically incorrect to discriminate against many things, it's still considered okay to discriminate against fat people. In some ways this discrimination can be subtle but often it is not.

The professor who wrote that tweet is an insensitive idiot and should not be in charge of admissions to a university program. Aside from which, he is WRONG.

What's required to complete a dissertation is intelligence, an ability to write, persistence, motivation, and a great dissertation committee; abs of steel are NOT a requirement.

(7)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 4:39 PM

Choosing to be thin can also be life threatening.

My beautiful granddaughter is suffering from an eating disorder. She has chosen to be thin, just like the comments above are suggesting that we do. The problem is, she sees herself as fat & there's no such thing as thin for her. Eating disorders are life threatening, probably more than being fat. Leave her alone.

(6)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 4:08 PM

i've been there...

i used to be overweight and people would ignore me and laugh at me. it took me a lot of time and effort to lose the weight, but it was worth it just to be treated normally. it's probably because the problem is so visible and unsightly that overweight people are discriminated against and mocked. after all there are many things people get addicted to - smoking, video games, drinking, tv, the internet etc... but often you can't tell because the results are often not visible. and while it's true that most overweight people need to learn self-control as well, it's not that easy. it's not like smoking or alcohol that the human body can live without - we need food to survive. not only that, but starving oneself can make ones metabolism slower and make it harder to lose weight! so it's very hard to find the perfect balance of the exact right amount of each type of food to eat, and maybe for some it's harder than for others, so please be nice to people. my husband told me he loved me no matter how i looked and that inspired me to work hard to lose the weight, just for him.

(5)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 3:56 PM

Believe it or not, some people are just cursed by having fat genes. By all accounts I should be a thin person, but I am obese. I watch what I eat, I go to the gym 6 days a week and yet the weight will not leave me. I have seen doctors about this, and they all think that I am lying, which is frustrating. So, in short, no, not all fat people are shoving food in their mouths 24/7.When I go out with my thin friends, they eat more than I do. It frustrates me that it is thought that I have no willpower. I do, just everything is stacked against me.I guess the good thing is if we had a famine I would be the last person standing!

(4)
sonia,
June 9, 2013 1:30 PM

There are two different lines in this story...

Yas, there is discrimination against an obese person. There is no doubt about it. But it is also true that it is very difficult for the obese person, to visualize what they're eating. And every problema they have they bury it in food. It is a very serious problem of our centurey and should be trated appropiately. And junk food should be seen as what it is... junk. I should go down 5 kilos and it is not easy. But as very harshly a professor (akin to the one who tweeted) said: "in a concentration camp you do not see overweight people".

(3)
Michael Smith,
June 9, 2013 11:24 AM

It would Help Too If Fat People Stopped Eating 20 Pounds of ..

Cookies Every week... And Started treating their body like a temple. NO JUNK IN... Mike...

Anonymous,
June 10, 2013 6:50 PM

Some do

have you read any of the comments? Some people do. It's not a matter of cookies and not treating their bodies right. Some people eat healthier than you do (assuming you do) and it changes nothing, because of their genetics or how their bodies work. It's not as simple as you think.

(2)
Ilan,
June 9, 2013 10:27 AM

Being fat is a choice, and it is not a good choice.

As someone who was obese and has held a normal weight for many years now, I can only say that obese people (with the exception of some rare illness-related cases) actually lack will power and discipline. It's often a downward spiral of mental issues (e.g. low self esteem, depression), but at the end of the day: nobody forces fat people to eat what they eat. It's their choice to destroy the body that haShem has entrusted them with. I agree that we shouldn't discriminate against fat people, but we shouldn't be an enablers either. By pretending that everything is fine and ignoring the issue, you are ultimately not helping a fat person. Remember: being obese is unhealthy and potentially lethal. Telling someone that they are fat and making them aware that it is in their own choice to wreck their bodies can be a good thing, if you tell people how to get help and to make them realize that they need to make a decision to change..Professor Miller is, therefore, right in a sense to point out that obesity is a question of will power. however, it would have been better if he also stated that it is ultimately possible to change.

Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 4:36 PM

Are you aware that there are sensitive people in the world?

Do you honestly think that one needs to tell someone they are fat? Do you think they don't know? And they also know many ways to lose weight. (Fat people are usually experts on various diets & lifestyle changes for reducing, since they've tried so many.) Some of these will work for them. Some won't. What you accomplish by telling someone that they're fat is murder. Murder of self-esteem, murder of ability to move forward, murder of a soul. Please stop before you kill more people like people have killed me.

ilan,
June 10, 2013 4:12 PM

courage

Obviously, they know that they are fat, they know that and have to suffer the consequences daily. But as someone who knows how tough that struggle is and has managed to overcome this issue, I feel that my story can be helpful.
it's your choice (except some very rare cases) to stuff yourself with junk food, and it's also your choice to end this self-harm. It's as easy as that. We can make all sorts of excuses, but at the end of the day it boils down to that.
I didn't mean to offend anyone and I wish you courage in your struggle.

Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 5:16 PM

STATE OF MIND

LOST 80LBS KEPT IT OFF FOR 2 YEARS. WHEN LIFE TOOK A DOWNWARD TURN I GAINED BACK 100 LBS. PERSONALLY I FEEL I HAVE TO BE IN A HAPPIER FRAME OF MIND TO LOSE….WHICH TRY AS I MIGHT I CANNOT SEEM TO DO RIGHT NOW….AND YES I HATE THE WAY I LOOK. TELLING ME I AM FAT IS JUST RUEL NOT HELPFUL

(1)
Anonymous,
June 9, 2013 10:20 AM

I am a fat person, and let me say this: the reason thinner people discriminate against fat people are for two main reasons that fat people hate hearing and don't want to admit to themselves. 1. Except in very rare cases of severe metabolic disease, being fat (or its much more desired alternative, being thin) IS a choice, and 2. Being fat puts one at much greater risk of health problems, most of which are avoidable by choosing to be thin.I am saying this as a fat person who has been struggling with weight issues for decades. There is someone in my family with similar challenges, and she has conquered and won the battle and has kept her weight off for several years (but she says it is a daily battle, and would disagree with the writer's remarks that when it comes to diet, "he will eventually no longer need to use the discipline muscle to tackle that habit."). The specific diet my relative was/is on is less important than the fact that she remained motivated and overcame this tremendous challenge - - there is no easy solution but determination, prayer, motivation, and the knowledge that no one can do this FOR you, it is up to YOU to choose to change. Despite my so-called desire to be thin, look better, and be healthier as a result . . I guess I'm just not there . . . yet.

Elisabeth,
June 22, 2013 9:46 AM

FDA is partly to blame

Every country that begins adopting the "american diet" starts having problems with obesity and all the related health problems (and some health problems that don't require obesity). I live in Canada, and recently realized a major reason to NOT move to America would be the lack of truly healthy food choices. In much of the middle & southern states, "food" is produced by corporations for profit, not for people's health, while the doctors and pharmaceutical companies (and diet corporations) stand to gain from obesity and related problems of overly processed, high fructose, etc. "food". Even the "diet" pops are now known to cause weight and health issues. Besides all the fattening corn products that show up in all sorts of places they shouldn't, the wheat used in America is unrecognizable from 50 years ago, and leads to weight gain, belly fat & health problems. Europeans eat tons of carbs (pasta, bread, etc.) without the obesity of Americans. An Italian friend came to America and was served the same quantities of "pasta" as she would normally eat in Italy, but she gained 20 pounds in one month, because of the American wheat used in the pasta. The food industry is hard to fight against, when the wrong type of food is cheaper, easier to get, quicker to prepare, and more appealing to a tired full-time worker... As mentioned earlier, often, this lack of truly nutritious food creates a vicious cycle of hunger cravings, tiredness, moodiness, weight gain, guilt, along with messed up metabolism, blood sugar, and hormones. Compare modern Americans to generations of people for the last few centuries, or other modern cultures with non American diets - it is not just a matter of will power.

I just got married and have an important question: Can we eat rice on Passover? My wife grew up eating it, and I did not. Is this just a matter of family tradition?

The Aish Rabbi Replies:

The Torah instructs a Jew not to eat (or even possess) chametz all seven days of Passover (Exodus 13:3). "Chametz" is defined as any of the five grains (wheat, spelt, barley, oats, and rye) that came into contact with water for more than 18 minutes. Chametz is a serious Torah prohibition, and for that reason we take extra protective measures on Passover to prevent any mistakes.

Hence the category of food called "kitniyot" (sometimes referred to generically as "legumes"). This includes rice, corn, soy beans, string beans, peas, lentils, peanuts, mustard, sesame seeds and poppy seeds. Even though kitniyot cannot technically become chametz, Ashkenazi Jews do not eat them on Passover. Why?

Products of kitniyot often appear like chametz products. For example, it can be hard to distinguish between rice flour (kitniyot) and wheat flour (chametz). Also, chametz grains may become inadvertently mixed together with kitniyot. Therefore, to prevent confusion, all kitniyot were prohibited.

In Jewish law, there is one important distinction between chametz and kitniyot. During Passover, it is forbidden to even have chametz in one's possession (hence the custom of "selling chametz"). Whereas it is permitted to own kitniyot during Passover and even to use it - not for eating - but for things like baby powder which contains cornstarch. Similarly, someone who is sick is allowed to take medicine containing kitniyot.

What about derivatives of kitniyot - e.g. corn oil, peanut oil, etc? This is a difference of opinion. Many will use kitniyot-based oils on Passover, while others are strict and only use olive or walnut oil.

Finally, there is one product called "quinoa" (pronounced "ken-wah" or "kin-o-ah") that is permitted on Passover even for Ashkenazim. Although it resembles a grain, it is technically a grass, and was never included in the prohibition against kitniyot. It is prepared like rice and has a very high protein content. (It's excellent in "cholent" stew!) In the United States and elsewhere, mainstream kosher supervision agencies certify it "Kosher for Passover" -- look for the label.

Interestingly, the Sefardi Jewish community does not have a prohibition against kitniyot. This creates the strange situation, for example, where one family could be eating rice on Passover - when their neighbors will not. So am I going to guess here that you are Ashkenazi and your wife is Sefardi. Am I right?

Yahrtzeit of Rabbi Moses ben Nachman (1194-1270), known as Nachmanides, and by the acronym of his name, Ramban. Born in Spain, he was a physician by trade, but was best-known for authoring brilliant commentaries on the Bible, Talmud, and philosophy. In 1263, King James of Spain authorized a disputation (religious debate) between Nachmanides and a Jewish convert to Christianity, Pablo Christiani. Nachmanides reluctantly agreed to take part, only after being assured by the king that he would have full freedom of expression. Nachmanides won the debate, which earned the king's respect and a prize of 300 gold coins. But this incensed the Church: Nachmanides was charged with blasphemy and he was forced to flee Spain. So at age 72, Nachmanides moved to Jerusalem. He was struck by the desolation in the Holy City -- there were so few Jews that he could not even find a minyan to pray. Nachmanides immediately set about rebuilding the Jewish community. The Ramban Synagogue stands today in Jerusalem's Old City, a living testimony to his efforts.

It's easy to be intimidated by mean people. See through their mask. Underneath is an insecure and unhappy person. They are alienated from others because they are alienated from themselves.

Have compassion for them. Not pity, not condemning, not fear, but compassion. Feel for their suffering. Identify with their core humanity. You might be able to influence them for the good. You might not. Either way your compassion frees you from their destructiveness. And if you would like to help them change, compassion gives you a chance to succeed.

It is the nature of a person to be influenced by his fellows and comrades (Rambam, Hil. De'os 6:1).

We can never escape the influence of our environment. Our life-style impacts upon us and, as if by osmosis, penetrates our skin and becomes part of us.

Our environment today is thoroughly computerized. Computer intelligence is no longer a science-fiction fantasy, but an everyday occurrence. Some computers can even carry out complete interviews. The computer asks questions, receives answers, interprets these answers, and uses its newly acquired information to ask new questions.

Still, while computers may be able to think, they cannot feel. The uniqueness of human beings is therefore no longer in their intellect, but in their emotions.

We must be extremely careful not to allow ourselves to become human computers that are devoid of feelings. Our culture is in danger of losing this essential aspect of humanity, remaining only with intellect. Because we communicate so much with unfeeling computers, we are in danger of becoming disconnected from our own feelings and oblivious to the feelings of others.

As we check in at our jobs, and the computer on our desk greets us with, "Good morning, Mr. Smith. Today is Wednesday, and here is the agenda for today," let us remember that this machine may indeed be brilliant, but it cannot laugh or cry. It cannot be happy if we succeed, or sad if we fail.

Today I shall...

try to remain a human being in every way - by keeping in touch with my own feelings and being sensitive to the feelings of others.

With stories and insights,
Rabbi Twerski's new book Twerski on Machzor makes Rosh Hashanah prayers more meaningful. Click here to order...