This Is What I Really Think About Your Penis

The women reading this might as well save themselves the time and click to the next article, because you know what I’m about to spill already. But the men…the men are going to be in for a shock.

I’ve seen a lot of penis in my time. And it’s not all been in person. In fact, the vast majority of it has been via pics in my DMs. Pics from total strangers I’ve never met in my life, or exchanged a single word with. Pics from men eager to let me know they have a dick, and sometimes it gets erect.

Here’s the thing, guys…

The fact you have a penis is not exactly revolutionary to me. Nor is the fact it gets erect. That’s kinda what penises were made to do.

And, to be honest, there are fewer things more visually unappealing than a HD close-up of your wrinkly ballsack. This technique does not, and has not ever, in the history of womankind, result in sex, a date, a relationship, or anything in between.

There are only two kinds of people who actually like seeing your penis: you, and other horny men like you, on Grindr.

Here are all the things you will never, ever, as long as you live and breathe, hear a woman say in response to a pic of your dick:

Now, please guys. Have some respect – for yourself, and for the women whose phone’s you’re assaulting with pictures of your peanut.

Put it away.

Comment: What are your thoughts on dick pics? Have you ever sent or received one?