Mommy's Playdate: Adult toys at Good Vibrations

THE NOSY GUEST

Published 4:00 am, Sunday, August 8, 2010

Photo: Liz Hafalia, The Chronicle

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Elena Prakoura from Berkeley gets a refill on her martini from Camilla Lombard before "Mommy Playdate", a class informing participants of today's sex products at Good Vibrations in Berkeley, Calif., on Tuesday, July 6, 2010. Kate Narron (behind) from Oakland looking at the products. less

Elena Prakoura from Berkeley gets a refill on her martini from Camilla Lombard before "Mommy Playdate", a class informing participants of today's sex products at Good Vibrations in Berkeley, Calif., on Tuesday, ... more

Photo: Liz Hafalia, The Chronicle

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Dr. Carole Queen advising on vibrators at "Mommy Playdate", a class informing participants of today's sex products at Good Vibrations in Berkeley, Calif., on Tuesday, July 6, 2010.

Dr. Carole Queen advising on vibrators at "Mommy Playdate", a class informing participants of today's sex products at Good Vibrations in Berkeley, Calif., on Tuesday, July 6, 2010.

Photo: Liz Hafalia, The Chronicle

Mommy's Playdate: Adult toys at Good Vibrations

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It was advertised as a "Mommy's Playdate," but a recent Berkeley gathering had nothing to do with children - and everything to do with the act of making them.

The first tip-off was the location: Good Vibrations. The second was the social lubricant: "Mommi-tinis" (vodka, pomegranate juice, blood orange soda and a squeeze of lime). The last clue, but not the least, was the presence of Carol Queen, the chain's resident sexologist for the past 20 years.

A dozen women - ages ranging from their mid-20s through their mid-50s - left the kids at home and gathered for an after-hours mixer and tour of the women-friendly sex store. The tour came complete with a brief lecture by Queen on women's sexual history since 1900, explanations about dozens of odd-looking products, and directions on how to use them.

"We know everyone in this room is good at it enough to reproduce," Queen said, pausing for effect, and drawing a few giggles, "but men and women in our culture don't get a good enough education. It's less common for women to be orgasmic in intercourse than in other forms of sex play, and it's because our sex education has focused on sexually transmitted disease and not pleasure or orgasm."

Though there are many who would blush upon reading that assertion, or believe that sex toys are not for nice women, Queen asserted that a healthy sex life is an important part of life and that sex toys are now considered mainstream. She noted that more than half of all American women own or have tried a vibrator, according to a recent Indiana University study, and that sex toys are talked about openly on TV talk shows.

These toys aren't the sort that the mommies present were accustomed to shopping for. They ranged from silicone lubricant, massage oils and bubble baths, to rubber duckies, Hitachi magic wands and remote control devices that looked like baby monitors - vibrators intended for external use. Some pulse in time to music, whether "Sesame Street" or Lady Gaga; some have rechargeable batteries; others are solar-powered. More esoteric products were shown off and explained, too. This was a sex shop, after all.

Still, a Nosy Guest wanted to know what Oakland hairstylist Kate Narron, 31, was hoping to glean from the tour.

"The products are different year to year," she said, "and different things are appealing, especially when they're smaller and easier to hide from the kids."

And, as any parent knows, her sex life has changed since having her two boys, one 4, and the other 8 months old.

"Before, you didn't have to worry about timing - you could have sex in the morning," she said. "Now you have to schedule it. It takes more effort."

Does scheduling sex take the fun out of it, the Nosy Guest asked.

"No," Narron said. "It's how you look at it. There's no pressure if you're really not up for it because you had to go shop for diapers and you're not in the mood. But to reschedule it is really important."

There was discussion about sexuality and lactation and nursing while dating, thanks to author Rachel Sarah, who read from her book, "Single Mom Seeking: Playdates, Blind Dates and Other Dispatches from the Dating World" (Seal Press, 2007.)

An East Bay woman named Debra, 39, the mother of two boys, said she was at the playdate because her husband had said on a recent date night that he wanted to be more intimate because their sex life had slowed down after they had kids. She was hoping to learn something to spice it up.

"It's hard to openly talk about sex with your friends," she said. "The open atmosphere here was fun."

Dana Larson, a 45-year-old freelance writer and mother of two college-age kids and a 2-year-old, saw a notice about the playdate at 510families.com. A Nosy Guest asked the nosiest question of all: How often did she have sex before, and then after, her kids were born?

"Pre-child? Daily, even during pregnancy," she said, "and five to seven times a week after the baby was born. But my husband found me sexy while I was pregnant. It's easier when the kids are little. It's harder now that he's 2, curious and vocal."

Ralitza Dineva, 24, a contracts administrator in Fremont, was an impostor at the Mommy's Playdate. She has no kids, but came for the store tour.

She ended up buying a vibrator (with a remote-control that can be operated by someone else) in the spirit of sexual empowerment. "I don't want to get something for my boyfriend," she said. "I want to get something for me and make him think he's involved."

Playdate for moms

The next Mommy's Playdate is set for 7-9 p.m. Aug. 26 at Good Vibrations, 1620 Polk St., San Francisco, and features mommy blogger Shar Rednour, author of "The Femme's Guide to the Universe," and sexologist Carol Queen. For more information: Go to links.sfgate.com/ZKBP or call (415) 345-0500.