Main menu

You are here

Relationship terms

On June 28 of 2000, we had a poly discussion on the topic of “Degrees (or levels) of relationships”. As an opening exercise, we did a brainstorming session to come up with a list of all the words and phrases we could think of to describe different kinds and levels of relationships (deliberately leaving “relationship” a bit ambiguous, but in a poly context). We wrote them down on a whiteboard, and I promised to transcribe them right away. And here they are, only four months later! I’m so proud of myself!

At the bottom are a few additional terms that people suggested via email.

primary

secondary

tertiary

husband

wife

um-friend(“This is Joe, my, um, friend.”)

partner

life partner

housemate

soulmate

love-of-my-life

significant other

POSSLQ(From a US Census term introduced a census or two ago: “Person of Opposite Sex Sharing Living Quarters”. Heterocentric, of course.)

fuckmate

fuck buddy

sex toy

chew toy

boy toy

comet(somebody who comes really close for a short period of time)

spouse/spice

love, in love (not nouns, but oh well)

“just” friends

old man

old lady

friends

“friends”

close friend

meteor

true love

intentional immediate family

intentional extended family

sweetie

honey

ungetaken(this is sort of “lover-in-law”; a friend of mine [Jay’s] told me it was an Eskimo word for the lover of one’s lover, but I don’t know what specific language it is or how to spell it)

lovemuffin

kin

crush

girlfriend/boyfriend

fiancé(e)

somebody I’m seeing

coparent

family

tribe

clan

pack

betrothed

main squeeze

“my people”

“pal”

mate

lover

VGF(Very Good Friend)

intimate friend

acquaintance

water-sibling(from Heinlein, I think from Stranger in a Strange Land)

cosominator(cosominating is “sleeping together”, but without a sexual implication)

paramour

adopted sibling

workmate

chosen family

vayalim(This was Sean’s term, from an SF novel)

“Oh no, we’re just friends!”(I don’t remember what that one was about)

dating/date

buddy

trick

pet

slave

master

sub/conquest

victim

movie partner

fling

relationship

conference buddy

TOCOTOX(Too Complicated to Explain)

activity partner

cuddle buddies

cuddle bunnies

stalker/stalkee

capital-R Relationship

small-r relationship

energy [illegible]

Monster

imaginary friend

As you can see, these aren’t terribly consistent as to part of speech, but it was basically a brainstorming session. See something missing from the list? Send me mail at <js+poly@aq.org> and I’ll add it.

Here are some additional terms people have suggested:

compa (kohm-pah): life companion, mate (coined by Lisa P.)

kine (kee-nay): very loved one, could be a lover, or someone you might sleep with but don’t have sex with, someone who feels like a sweetheart (coined by Lisa P.)