Numbness/feeling nothing

One way of coping with news of a loss is to become numb to it. You can feel like you’re dreaming, or the event seems unreal. This makes it hard to cry or feel any sort of sadness.

Over time, this will pass. There’s nothing wrong with not being able to cry.

Grief

As the shock and numbness pass, you can begin to grieve. Everybody grieves differently and various things affect the way people grieve. Knowing these can help you understand yours and other people’s reactions to loss.

Gender. Women and men may have different ways of dealing with stuff. Men are more likely keep their feelings inside and act like they’re handling everything. They often focus on sorting out practical problems or making plans. Women can do that too, but they might be more likely to talk about what’s happening and to cry

Cultural background. Cultural groups express grief in different ways. The rituals and ceremonies, expressing emotions and the rules around what’s considered respectful may vary depending on your cultural background. Crying and showing lots of emotion in public does not necessarily mean someone isn’t coping with their grief, it might be their way of managing their grief

Age. Children of different ages understand death differently. Younger children mightn’t understand that the person is not coming back. Older children might understand this, but may not understand why.

Experiences after losing someone

The shock and sadness of losing someone you care about can affect you in loads of different ways:

Behavioural – changes to sleeping patterns, dreams or nightmares, crying, changes in appetite, not wanting to go out or be around too many people, experiencing emotional reactions that are out of the ordinary

It’s normal to experience some or all of these things when someone dies. There’s no right or wrong way to feel and handle it. Everybody should be able to grieve in their own way and time.

Sometimes you can feel pressure to be strong for family or friends. While being there for other people is important, taking care of yourself really matters too.

Don’t bottle things up, or act like you’re fine when you’re actually having a tough time. If you can’t talk to the people close to you, there are loads of other people there to listen. Have a look at face-to-face help.

Triggering emotions

Events in your everyday routine will probably trigger a strong emotional reactions for a while, when they remind you your friend or loved one is no longer with you.

This can be as simple as setting the table for a family meal or being reminded of the person by the words of a song. Over time these reactions won’t be as regular or as painful.

Rainbows Ireland: A peer-support programme to assist children, young people and adults who are grieving a death, separation or other painful transition in their family. You can visit the website or call them on 01 4734175