A Climbing Betty's journey to find love & strength in the mountains

Connect

Whoa! My poor, neglected blog. In my defense, I’ve been pretty busy doing ‘the thing.’ My climbing season started the first week of April and it’s been nearly full-steam ahead since. Even with the little hiccup of a tweak to my left A2 pulley, I’m back to leading as hard as I was at the end of last season, which gives me a lot of hope that I’ll be breaking into the next number grade by the end of this season. I finally got to climb with DH a day last week and it was exciting to hear from him that I’m really placing excellent gear, so that also gives me the confidence to begin to push it a bit!

The BIG news though is where my head is at so far. See, here’s my dirty little secret. I’m not naturally small and lean like many climber chicks, especially the really good ones. I’m definitely a classic ‘pear’ shape (read: probably the worse shape for climbing!). For many, many years of my climbing career, the story in my head (my excuse, really) is that I’m just too fat to be able to climb as hard as I want to climb.

I have invested a lot of time and energy in this story over the years, so I’ve had to invest even more time and energy to tear it down. For instance, all of my goal climbs for this season I can climb without falling on top-rope. So I have to remind myself that my body is physically capable of doing these climbs without falling. Therefore, I can lead them. So what is stopping me is not that I’m ‘fat,’ it’s that I’m scared. Odd as it may sound, its easier to accept the ‘fat story’ than the ‘I’m just scared’ story. Probably because with the ‘I’m too fat’ story, I don’t have to change anything. In those moments that I am standing under the climb, looking up at it and contemplating the lead, I can’t do anything about being fat in those moments, whereas I could choose to be scared and do it anyway. But if I blame my body, I don’t have to do the harder thing- I don’t have to be afraid.

The hidden cost of this ‘fat’ story though, is that I was constantly defeating myself on any efforts I made to get in shape or eat better. In a way, I didn’t want to do these things because if I succeeded- if I lost weight- I wouldn’t have my convenient excuse available for when I wanted to wuss out of doing a climb.

There’s an idea in the psychology literature that people are basically motivated in their actions and behaviors by one of two things: they are either motivated to move in the direction of something they love or are passionate about or they are motivated to move away from something that causes them pain. We all do both of these of course, depending on the area of our lives, our previous learned experiences, etc. However, some people, through their upbringing or genetics or something, tend to be more positively motivated whereas others tend to be more negatively motivated.

Once I learned this concept, it kind of hit me like a ton of bricks. I was square in the ‘negative-motivation’ category. I would choose easy climbs, or make excuses for why I couldn’t or shouldn’t do harder climbs because I was primarily motivated to avoid the fear of being on the sharp end. I would start a workout routine or a diet with the negative-motivation of trying to move away from the pain of self-hatred & disgust. Upon seeing it so clearly, it was also easy to see how these strategies clearly were not working for me! Suddenly it made complete and total sense as to why I would say I wanted one thing in my life, but my behaviors and actions seemed to indicate that I wanted the opposite! All this time, I thought that that incongruence was just because I was lazy (another painful thing to berated myself for!) but it turns out that nope, I just had my mind attuned in the wrong direction.

Somewhere about the beginning of April, I was struck by an idea. One of the things I do possess is a strong and powerful mind. Perhaps I could find away to put that gift to use to change my situation; to start being motivated by love instead of fear. I decided to embark on a month long journey of “radical self-love” where I was just going to accept and love everything about myself, even the parts that I didn’t think where very worthy of that love. Especially the parts that I didn’t think were very worthy of that love (I’m looking at you, Cellulite on my thighs!).

I started simply. I challenged myself to journal regularly and to start each entry with 3 things I love about myself, focusing primarily on my body (because it’s easy to say things like ‘I’m smart’ but much harder to say things like ‘I love my thighs’). I also challenged myself to change to my relationship with food. To feed myself like I would feed a daughter or someone else that I loved- with lots of wholesome, healthy foods.

Interestingly, this journey didn’t conclude in a month as much as it evolved. Especially once I tweaked my finger pulley, I knew I need to find something to do to help me stay active. I decided to get in to trail running. At various points in my life, I have been a runner. I even ran a marathon 8 years ago. After that experience though, I pretty much felt like I had run enough for the rest of my life and was not motivated to run anymore. I hate the treadmill with a passion. Cardio at the gym bored the heck out of me, etc. I knew that if I was going to be motivated to do it consistently, it needed to be something I enjoyed. Trail running, luckily, is that for me. And also luckily for me, there are tons of awesome and fun trails minutes from my home. It became fun and addicting to explore new sections of the Ridge on my own two feet. I also love trail running because its perfectly acceptable to walk up the big hills and even to go slow, especially over really technical terrain. It also puts me out in nature, which I love because its feeds my soul as well as my physical body. Once I found something that I enjoyed and once I change my mindset from ‘I’ve got to do cardio because I’m fat’ to ‘I want to run because I enjoy it and I enjoy taking care of my body,’ it became so much easier to get out of bed and go for a run in the morning! No mental fighting with myself. No extreme acts of willpower. Just being motivated to do and follow something that I loved.

With this evolved mindset, it was much easier to put myself in training. I started to think of myself as an athlete, which gave me the motivation to want to take the best care of myself that I could. I started following the training plan from Training for the New Alpinism. I’m only in Transition Week 3 so far, but I feel amazing & fit and I’m so excited for what I’ll be able to do when I ‘peak’ around the first of the year- just in time to go hard for ice climbing and ski mountaineering!

Other people are starting to notice too. A couple girlfriends have mentioned that my arms look more toned or that I look thinner through the torso. Another friend followed me as I busted up a rocky ascent trail with very little huffing & puffing and remarked about how all the trail running seemed to be paying off. In the gym today, I actually really liked what I saw in the mirror! I’ve lost a few pounds, but nothing too big yet and maybe an inch off my hips. (Also, I can’t say that I exactly ‘love’ my cellulite, but I have given up making gagging and retching noises when I see it in the mirror.:-) ) I’m more excited about being down about 2% body fat in three weeks and I know that with time, the rest of it will come.

And if doesn’t, I’m totally OK with that. Because my goal is to be fit and healthy and I know that I can do what I want to do, even if I never drop another pound. Because I know that all that is stopping me is that 3 pound squishy thing between my ears. Because I know that if I choose to pursue the things I love instead of avoid the things I fear, no matter what number grade I climb or what number shows up on the scale, I’ve already won. <3

So the ugly truth is that I have had body issues since my early teens. Even uglier, is that that makes me a completely normal adult American woman.

Climbing has been both help and hinderance. By shifting the focus to strength and technique, it has given me a yardstick to measure myself that has nothing to do with the scale and everything to do with the YDS.

On the other hand, strength-to-weight ratio is huge in climbing. Most of the climber chicks I know are tiny. So much so, that I often feel like ‘the fat girl of climbing’ next to most of them. It makes sense- the less weight to lift, the larger the effective finger strength. The problem is that I have used my lack of aptitude for climbing as reinforcing feedback that I’m too fat to climb hard.

The smarter thing to do of course, would be to not buy into that kind of negativity; to be proactive and lose a little fat, but more importantly to train hard. Being a Gunks climber, I can pull strong through overhangs, but also haven’t had to develop a lot of finger strength to pull hard on tiny holds since most overhangs under 5.10 have jugs. In fact, the mental game has been my greatest area of weakness, so I’ve been leading too much on terrain that just isn’t that physically demanding. Though I realize and can articulate all of this, when you have body issues, the voice you hear is not this logical one, its the one saying negative, ugly things. I remember having a conversation with a climbing friend once, bemoaning that I was ‘too fat’ to be able to do a pull-up. He emphatically denied that I was fat, forcing me to concede by saying, “Fine, I have the wrong arm-to-ass ratio!” Interestingly enough, once I began to see the problem as a simple mathematic problem, I started working on getting my arms bigger, doing inverted rows and a few weeks later, got my first full body-weight pull-up.

A similar, subtle transformation has been happening this season as well. Not realizing it, I had been telling myself for years, that I couldn’t lead harder because I’m fat (not because I was a chicken shit, which is more true) and sadly, I believed this. There have been no grand epiphanies here, just shifts in thinking so small, I don’t even know how and where they began. One shift was realizing that my goal is leading 5.8 and 5.9 trad routes, not some thin, overhanging 5.13. I can climb the routes I want to lead on TR just fine, so there is nothing about my body shape or size preventing me from leading them, its totally mental. For some reason though, its easier to think its because of my body than to do the scarier thing of putting my money where my mouth is and taking the sharp end.

I also started expressing gratitude for my body through yoga. More useful than the breathing and stretching was the mental work the teacher had us do to express gratitude in the moment for all that our bodies can do. I started taking this practice with me on hikes, at the gym and on the cliff, offering thanks for my health, strength and mobility.

I also read a lot of books on both mental & physical training for climbing this season and started incorporating what I learned, especially about finger training. I finally realized that if finger strength for small holds is my weakness, than the only way to get better is to train that until I turn it into a strength. My arms weren’t strong enough to do a pull-up, but by training, I over came that and made them strong enough. Finger training could do the same. We put up a hang board in July and I started training on it. Progress is seemingly slow, but I am already starting to see benefits.

The sum of all these subtle shifts is that I am having my best climbing season ever. I’ve made a lot of progress and achieved several long-standing goals. At some point, I stopped telling myself ‘I’m too fat to do that,’ and started reminding myself that ‘everything I want is on the other side of fear.’ That I don’t have to become anorexic to be a better climber, I just have to be willing to lean-in to the fear of pushing myself on lead. I’m also more at peace with my body than I’ve ever been. Yesterday, at the gym, I even cracked a smile as I saw in the mirror just how strong I have become. 🙂

If you follow me on Instagram, you saw the picture. It was a Tuesday, midday. I’ve been eagerly absorbing some of the new books out on training for climbing this season, and had gone to the local gym to do an “ARC” workout. This basically involves doing 2-3 sets of 25-30 minutes of climbing (traversing) with the goal to stay just under the “pumped” feeling in your forearms. You do work up a light sweat. Which is why half way though my first set, I got to a rest spot and removed my shirt to continue on in a sports bra and the yoga capris I had on. After finishing my first set, I was doing my prescribed 10 minute rest when the gym’s owner struck up a conversation with me. It started off benignly enough, and then he slipped it in the conversation like a mom hiding veggies in her kids’ meatloaf: he said that what I was wearing was fine for now (I was the only person there at the time) but if any children came, I would need to cover up because what I was wearing was not appropriate for children.

He might as well have walked up to me and slapped me across the face.

I asked him (nicely) how my outfit was inappropriate for children when I was much more covered than a woman in a bikini at the beach, a setting that families with children often go to. His argument was that a family is more prepared to see that at the beach than at the gym. Not prepared to see women in gym clothes at the gym? Really??? Perhaps sensing that he had just pissed off the big, bad, feminist, he back-paddled, stating that it was simply the gym’s policy and that if a guy was climbing shirtless, they would also be asked to cover up.

Shell-shocked and wanting to finish my workout, I acquiesced by agreeing to cover up if kids suddenly materialized in the gym, but continued my work out in the offending outfit. However, I was so bothered by the whole exchange, I couldn’t focus. I felt body-shamed. I felt uncomfortable. I felt wrong. I felt like I had been sexualized without my consent while doing an activity that I don’t equate with sexuality at all. And I was angry that those feelings had been put on me at a climbing gym.

‘Cuz here’s the thing. There is nothing inherently ‘inappropriate’ about a woman in a sports bra and yoga pants at a gym. And there is nothing inherently ‘inappropriate’ about a woman’s body for children. Children come from, and are initially sustained by, a woman body’s for crying out loud. Children don’t sexualize a woman’s body, adults do that for them. That is why I felt so uncomfortable after the exchange- by claiming it was for the protection of innocent children, children who weren’t even present at the time, this guy had just gone there. He had made it a sexual thing.

Some of the guys reading this may be saying, ‘so what?’ Well here’s the problem: how is sexualizing my gym outfit I’m wearing at the gym different from telling a woman she has to wear a burka because seeing her wrist or ankle might ‘tempt a man to sin’? It’s not. Its the same logical framework. In both cases, self-control is co-opted from the (in this case) heterosexual male, with responsibility being forced upon the female victim. Aside from the sheer unfairness of this, if I were a man, I would be appalled that society thought so little of me as to equate me to an unneutered dog, simply following my urge to hump everything in sight. Did you really climb to the top of the evolutionary ladder to create excuses to act like an animal? Was all the energy nature put into evolving human beings to have the largest frontal lobes of any species before or since, all for naught? Isn’t this exactly what we are saying to males in our society when we use ‘boys will be boys’ as a justification for rape? Or when we take away from a girl’s education to enforce a dress code so as ‘not to distract the boys?’

Don’t get me wrong, if I had children, I would police what my daughter wore in public. Why? Because the unfortunate reality is that we live in a culture where this garbage happens. Where victim-blaming is pervasive and where a woman’s outfit still garners the reaction, ‘she was asking for it.’ And if I had son, I would teach him self-control. That there is nothing wrong with his sexuality, but as a human member of society, it is HIS responsibility to control the expression of his sexuality. That all women should be treated with respect and as fellow human beings, not simply objects of his own sexual gratification. And most importantly, I would teach him that bodies in workout clothing in a gym, or bathing suits at a beach can be viewed without attaching any sexuality to them.

In the end, I ended my workout early and asked the owner (politely) to show me where in the waiver it explicitly outlined the dress code. He could not. It was not in the rules posted on wall (though the rule specifying shoes must be worn was important enough to warrant mention there) nor was it in the written form I had initialed and signed acknowledging the gym policy’s at the outset. Citing my extreme discomfort with how this non-policy seemed to be capriciously enforced, I asked for, and was granted, a refund. Perhaps sensing the big pile of bullshit he had just just stepped in, the owner meekly reassured me that I was still welcome back anytime I wanted, provided I wear children-appropriate climbing attire of course.

As I walked out to my car, still reeling from the byzantine exchange I had just experienced, the man followed me out to my car with a copy of the operations manual (available to employees) in hand to show me where it was a written policy that shirts were required by all gym-goers. Pro tip for the guys out there: if you have just been a creepster, sexualized a woman’s outfit and shamed her body for being inappropriate for children, following her out to her car is NOT a good idea as this will serve only to maker her feel more vulnerable and further violated. I pointed out to him that if he was so adamant about this policy, it would behoove him to post it on the wall and also rewrite his waiver so that it is explicitly stated to climbers upon their first visit to the gym.

Luckily, I think this incident was an out-lying data point within the climbing community. I think most climbers are completely comfortable with seeing members of the opposite gender climbing shirtless. We can see it and appreciate the pleasurable visual representative of their strength without going to Creepy-town about it. But I tell this story because I am not so naive as to think ‘it can’t happen here, not in our community.’ The fact is that I climb with a lot of women. Every last one of us have of our stories of male partners making unwanted, un-encouraged sexual advances while climbing or on climbing trips- the lean-in for a kiss before you take her off belay, the ‘extra-special’ spot while bouldering that involves an unsolicited grope of her bum, or the ‘oops I forgot the second tent, guess we’ll have to share my one-person tent’ trick. Sometimes it more insidious: telling a woman that you only lowered yourself to climb at her level because you thought you were going to get laid or getting angry and making passive aggressive comments when she insists on booking separate rooms for your climbing trip. (The first one happened to me personally, the second to a climbing partner of mine.) This is how rape culture presents itself in our community- when female climbers are treated like objects of sexual gratification instead of fellow climbers. Furthermore, unwanted kissing, groping and touching constitute sexual assault.

What I am NOT trying to do here is hate on climber-dudes. As a heterosexual woman, I love and appreciate all my male climber friends, but as climbers and friends. My intent here is to show that facets of rape culture exist even in our little sub-culture, but even more than that, I want to see more women climbing. I want to see more women being comfortable in the mountains, taking the lead and really growing as people because of their participation in our sport. Climbing has taught me so many wonderful things, I’d like other women to have that same opportunity. But it’s going to be hard to create those opportunities if one of the objective risks of the sport is sexual objectification and possibly even assault. Since most of the climber guys I talk to seem very keen on finding a romantic relationship with a female climbing partner, it behooves them to also see more women participating in the sport. So fellas, here’s some quick tips to do your part:

Use common sense. If you wouldn’t spot your buddy with a hand on his ass, don’t do it to a woman. If you would like to touch a woman beyond what would be normal in climbing, simply ask permission. It hopefully goes without saying that if she denies you permission, do not go ahead with it anyway.

If you meet a climber chick you are interested in dating, do not ‘climbing date’ her. You can go climbing together to get to know her initially, but if you develop romantic feelings toward her and find yourself wanting to touch her or have contact beyond what you would with a male climbing partner, ask her permission, and take her on proper date. We’re psyched about climbing too and when we’re climbing, we want to focus on the climbing! So let’s save that awkwardness of a date for a non-climbing time and venue.

That’s it. My two rules for weeding out rape culture in the climbing community and making it a more, fun, welcoming, positive place for us all.

I came across this post on Facebook this morning and I love it! It’s one of the things I love about the community of women climbers around here.

I know some people complain that women can be really competitive. I don’t doubt this, but I think the above meme captures the problem succinctly- it’s usually stems from insecurity. Media and advertising campaigns seem invested in making women feel insecure. We are constantly told we need to be thinner, prettier, have the right clothes, etc. for what? To get a man. To get the right man. To reach some supposed pinnacle of womanly existence where we live like a Kardashian. Yuck.

Even in sport, competition- the negative kind- is often driven by a feeling of not being ‘enough.’ That winning more, beating someone else, will somehow prove that one is enough. The problem is that there is always more to achieve and that feeling of finally being ‘enough’ is always just out of reach.

There is a positive side to ‘competition’ though. When it drives us to work harder and to do our best. When seeing someone else achieve something inspires us to re-evaluate our own perceived limits. When it builds us up.

A few weeks ago, I belayed a climbing partner on a climb. After following her on it, I started to think that perhaps I could lead it too. It was a line that always had an inexplicable pull on me, but the intimidating moves though the roof always filled me with doubt- and dread. The idea of leading it started to pulse stronger through my brain last season, but after seeing her achieve it a few weeks ago- I knew I had to reevaluate my own perceived limits.

Each time I went climbing, it called to me, but fear kept me avoiding engaging in the challenge. Yesterday, the climb nearly screamed in my brain as I made my morning coffee and roughed out a plan for the day. Being a popular climb and a beautiful fall Sunday at the Gunks, I thought (hoped) I would be saved by crowds of climbers swarming on the climb. We walked right up to it, with no one on the climb. *gulp*

That was my sign. Today was my day. My sending day.

I racked up and tried to keep calm. Not only was I going to attempt the climb, but I was going to do it as my ‘warm-up’ climb of the day. I was petrified. I kept trying to remember my ujjayi breathing from yoga class that morning. There was also the false start where I got halfway up the climb and then had to go to the bathroom so bad, I lowered off to relieved myself before getting into the crux. (There was no way I was going to be able to do the required stemming at the crux without creating a really embarrassing incident.) Thankfully, my lovely climbing partner that day was so patient and so supportive. She encouraged me to keep going, to stay calm, and to focus on one move at a time, even though she could have led the climb in half the time and with way less drama. She’s one of my favorite strong women- secure enough in her own badass-ness that she encourages it and brings it out in others- like me. 🙂

I also learned that its OK to be afraid- climbing is scary after all! But becoming a better climber is about leaning into the fear and learning when to push through it so you can come out the other side.

You’re psyched on climbing. It’s what you spend all your free time doing and your non-free time thinking about doing. So naturally, you want a partner who understands and even shares this same obsession. Finding a girl who’s already passionate about climbing and dating her is difficult. For one, the climbing gym or the crag seems to be one big sausage fest and when you do see some climbing ladies, they are usually climbing with their boyfriends, or another male partner who appears to be their boyfriend.

So what’s a climbing-obsessed, single dude to do?

You look elsewhere and eventually, you met a girl. She’s cute and funny, but she doesn’t climb. Yet. You start to plot and think, ‘this could totally work…I’ll take her climbing, and she’ll fall madly love in with the sport and become as obsessed as I am. She’ll really get me. Then we’ll buy a Sprinter van and live on the road, traveling around the country as a happy climbing bum couple.’

*Insert bucket of cold water thrown on your face to rouse you from this dream state here.*

My friend, this is a BAD idea. I have yet to meet a guy friend for whom this scenario worked out. (If you’re the first- please be sure to comment and let me know if you think I’m full of it.) In fact, most of the time when a guy tries this, it goes so horribly wrong that you’ll be lucky to escape without a flood of tears and a fight so loud everyone at the crag/gym heard it. At best, you can expect to not get any for awhile. At the worst, you will have turned her off to the idea of climbing forever and then you’ll be back at square one.

Why doesn’t this work? Because of your arrogance and your ego. You see, if you are going to successfully make your non-climbing girlfriend into a climbing girlfriend, rule number one to remember is: it’s not about you.

I know, this would seem obvious, wouldn’t it? But when you over-estimate her ability and sandbag her on a climb that is too hard for her to ‘challenge her’- that’s your ego wanting her to transform into your awesome lady-crusher overnight. In the beginning especially, you’ve got to set her up for success, so that each climb becomes a positive reinforcement that she is strong and capable.

However, sometimes even if you do choose appropriate climbs, it may not work out. Why? Because you’ve neglected the emotional component. There are a lot of things to learn when you first start climbing and that can be overwhelming. Add to that the fact that one mistake can have very dire consequences and that most of us experience a very primal fear when fighting against gravity, and one’s first experience with climbing can leave them feeling very vulnerable. If you dismiss her fears or push her too hard when she is already feeling very anxious, this could result in her feeling dismissed- and ultimately betrayed. She’ll wonder if she can really trust you, because after all, why would you put her in this very dangerous, very scary position if you really cared about her? This kind of vulnerability and betrayal could be so great that the relationship never completely recovers from it and you break up. No beuno.

So, what can you do to ensure that your girlfriend has a positive experience with climbing that makes her want to come back for more?

1. Spring for a day with a guide. A guide’s job is to ensure that their clients have a fun and most importantly, SAFE climbing experience. That you cared enough about her safety to hire a credentialed professional will go a long way to making her feel safe and most importantly, that she can trust you with her safety- or at least to think about it and plan for it. Also, most professional guides are pretty adept at quickly assessing a climber’s comfort level and climbing ability, since that is a big part of their job. And because they generally know their home crag area well, they will probably be able to pick routes that match her ability level and natural strengths, setting her up for success and that whole positive reinforcement bit. The other thing that is great about hiring a guide is that by bringing a third person into the mix who is not emotionally involved in your relationship, it takes that whole vulnerability thing down a couple of notches. Meaning, your day is less likely to end with tears and a very-public shouting match. The bonus for you is that you will be able to learn some skills that improve your climbing and rope work too. This is what we call a win-win, kids.

2. Find another lady crusher to take her out. Most women I know love to climb with other women and would be happy to bring another lady into the fold. One of the cool things about climbing with another lady is that it can be incredibly motivating. We see another lady achieving and doing something awesome and we think, ‘if she can do that, maybe I can too…‘ So climbing with another lady is more likely to inspire your girlfriend to want to try- and keep- climbing. Also, climbing with the girls is just fun. We can giggle, tell dirty jokes and just have a great time. Again, the more positive the experience is around her first few outings, the more likely your girlfriend is to be become interested and stick with it. Climbing with another chick is also likely to help her see that climbing can be her own thing- that she can enjoy it and participate in it with and apart from you, instead of for you. Some women really like to please, so she may feel pressured to climb to make you happy, despite not having any real interest in it herself. This is not a good set-up if you’re already planning on using your honeymoon as an excuse to go climb in Thailand. If you don’t know any lady crushers to set her up with, there are lots of events going on for female climbers. Chicks with Picks and Chicks Climbing are a guide service that caterers specifically to female climbers and offers instruction for every level from beginner to advanced. They have Girlie Gatherings all over the country throughout the climbing season. SheJumps is another organization that wants to get more women outdoors. Look for a Get The Girls Out climbing event near you. And if you have a gym near by, most have a ladies night. Not only can your girl get discount admission, but she is more likely to met other woman psyched on climbing too.

3. Respect her wishes and don’t force anything. If after all I’ve said above, you still insist on taking your girlfriend climbing yourself, you still have a shot of making it into a positive experience. Leave your ego at home and make the day about her. Whatever projects or things you want to accomplish- save them for another day and different partner. Be willing to belay her all day on 5.4 if that’s what it takes. Be supportive and encouraging, but don’t force her beyond what’s comfortable for her. Remember, if climbing is new to her, she’s already out of her comfort zone. So if she gets half way up a climb and wants to come down, kindly offer for her to perhaps try one move higher and if she declines, allow her to come down immediately. Don’t push too hard by making her stay up there until she completes the climb, or shout the beta for each move of the climb until she tops out- unless she has expressly asked you to do those very things. If she says she’s done after one climb, respect that and leave. (Bonus points if you take her to do something she really wants to do afterwards.) Also, don’t take her multi-pitch climbing her first time outside. Especially if it’s just the two of you, it can be really daunting to know when it’s OK to break down your anchor- the one thing holding you to cliff- and begin climbing when you’re on a ledge off the deck all by yourself. It can also be really scary when you’re struggling and your partner feels so far away. If you have to do multi-pitch for some reason the first day out, consider using a few tricks the guides use. Always set up your anchor in such a way that you can keep your eyes on your climber the entire time. If you have to, break up a pitch into mini-pitches and belay halfway up so that you can keep a good visual and proximity to her. If you don’t have the skills to do either of these, please do not take your girlfriend climbing and refer to #1.

Now that you’re educated on how to not screw it up, get out there and introduce your girl to climbing! And when she’s spending all of your money on climbing gear and Patagonia/Prana stuff, don’t say I didn’t warn you 😉

I laughed SO HARD because every last one of them was me to a T (well, I like to think I have better dance moves). And I think truth be told, the same holds true for a lot of climber chicks.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have any problems being a woman and even a little bit girlie at the crag. For instance, I love to wear color-coordinated outfits to climb in. My husband teases me relentlessly that I pick gear primarily based on its color (and to a certain extent, this is true, just check out my Pinterest Gear page.) I have more outerwear and technical clothing than anyONE person should own, because, well sometimes the color is important. I like to giggle and tell dirty jokes with my girlfriends while we climb. I love being strong, kicking ass and looking good while doing it. And just in case there was any question, here is proof of my ‘Climber Babe’ status, courtesy of PNW Climber Babes.

Climber babe

But just because I’m a babe, doesn’t mean I’m a lady. I often joke that I was absent that day in school where they pulled the girls aside and taught them how to do things like hair and make-up. I can’t put eyeliner on evenly to save my life. I can do exactly two hair-styles- brush it out and leave it down or put it in a pony-tail. Three, if you count covering up my helmet hair with a trucker hat. Mani-pedi? Why would I even waste the money? My nails are so short and ragged from climbing & being stuffed in climbing shoes that a trip to salon would be a total exercise in futility. And high-heels? Fuggitabbotit!

Personally, I take a bit of perverse pleasure in bucking the norm. I’ve always admired raucous women like Mae West because well, they get to have all the fun! And as Laurel Thatcher Ullrich said, “Well-behaved women seldom make history.”

The other week I was listening to The Enormocast. I’m a little behind so I was listening to the episode where Chris interviewed four climbers at the Red Rock Renedezvous. I loved this little schtick he did called ‘The Hanging Belay’ where he asked 5 or 6 questions in rapid succession. One of the questions was, ‘when was the last time you cried on a climb?’

For me, that answer would be “two weeks ago.”

Now, personally, I think 5.9 slab is enough to make anyone cry. In fact, in my house, we have joke: “What’s the pro for 5.10 slab? Zanax.” I’m not really good at slab. I’m a Gunks climber, so I do the same move over and over again- reach up, grab the big jug, high-step, repeat until the belay/top-out. I’ve got that move down. I’m comfortable with it. I’m pretty sure slab is the exact opposite of Gunks climbing. So part of my problem was I just wasn’t any good at this particular 5.9 slab- delicate moves, few handholds, lots of trusting one’s feet/sticky rubber. No room for thuggy moves or my beloved high steps.

And this route had a traverse at the beginning. I hate traverses. So I was gripped. I was petrified to fall, so I reacted. I started to get mad at my partner for dragging me on that climb. Didn’t he know I suck at slab? I know he knows I hate traverses and yet, he dragged me up this climb anyway. In his defense, he had never been on this particular climb before, so he didn’t really know what he was in for either.

Conflated with fear, I wasn’t thinking or acting rationally. I had to give my fear an outlet. I started to curse like a sailor as I simply willed my feet to stick to the rock as I moved off of the first bolt. By the time I reached the next stance, my feet and calves were cramping and simply cursing was not enough. I looked up at my partner at the belay and flipped him the bird. I used both hands because, hey- it was slab- my hands were damn near useless anyway. As I continued, I started to curse him. He blew it off at first, but he could only handle so much abuse at my hands and tried to calm me down. As I became aware of my bad behavior and how it must appear to the party below, I became really self-conscious and ashamed. And that’s when I started to cry. Once the first tear fell, the floodgates opened and I cried my way through the top half of the climb.

I should note that my partner that day was my husband. I can remember three and only 3, distinct incidents where I have cried while climbing. All with him. I just never let myself get that emotionally vulnerable with another partner. Not while climbing at least. I may whine, I may whimper, I may curse like a sailor, I may nearly pee my pants (expensive Gore-Tex pants I might add), but I never cry. Just with him.

As embarrassing as it is when I have these breakdowns, which isn’t often, I’m really glad that I have a partner like him that I can be that vulnerable with. I can be that vulnerable with him because I trust him completely. Not only do I trust him to handle my emotional reactions, but I trust him to be a completely competent climber and I trust him to push me- just a little. Most days, that’s a really great thing because I grow and learn from the experience and it makes me a better climber. Every once in awhile, that push is a tad too much- or more, realistically- the push is just enough, I’m just not in the right frame of mind to accept and meet the challenge. But that intrinsic push and pull, even when it might end in some tears, in one of the things I love and value most about having a life partner who is as passionate about climbing and this lifestyle as I am.

Have you ever cried on a climb??? Tell me about it in the comments below…

I’ve never done a ‘gear review’ post before. I don’t get free gear to review from companies or anything like that, so I never thought my opinion mattered that much. Then I realized that most folks are average users like myself. So I thought I would take a crack at it and just share with you a few of things that I am totally in love with this season.

1. Stonemaster Skinny Climbing Pant– I have been eyeing up these pants for awhile at my local shop (Rock and Snow in New Paltz!) and finally took the plunge. All I have to say is ‘why did I wait so long????’ I would have worn them all spring if I had gotten them sooner! I love the stretch in them that that doesn’t inhibit my climbing movements at all and the skinny-leg, three-pocket styling is super cute. In fact, the first day I wore these to the crag, I also wore them later that night with a pair of super-sexy pumps to a nice dinner with my climbing partner. These are also a great choice for ladies who want to rock the skinny leg look but find regular jeans to be too binding in the hips/thigh area.

2. La Sportiva Women’s Katana– Personally, I LOVE the new color for the women’s Katana, but it wouldn’t mean much if they didn’t climb well also. I feel like a climbing ninja in these shoes!!! They edge on a dime and smear like nobody’s business. My confidence has gone up so much climbing in these! Best of all, I personally find them comfortable enough to climb in for most of the day. I’ve climbed in super-tight shoes before and its just no fun to be in so much pain you can’t think about the climb and the first thing you want to do when you get to the belay is rip your shoes off! The strap closest to the ankle is a little long for me and sometimes gets caught on things, but it hasn’t caused me any serious problems, especially since the shoes have broken in and the molded a little better to my foot. As long as they make them in hot pink, I will be buying more of these puppies!

3. Petzl Micro Traxion- I was introduced to this little gizmo for top-rope soloing this spring. It rocked my world! I could set-up a top-rope and in a few hours climb hundreds of feet- without needing to find a partner! It made for a great way to train/exercise for a few hours on a nice afternoon and it helped me on a mental level too. I climbed on TR solo much like a would on lead even though I had the back-up of the top rope. It really boosted my confidence and empowered me with a new set up of skills for climbing. I think this is one of the biggest reasons I’m having a lot of success on the sharp end so far this season!

4. Patagonia Women’s Merino 1 Silkweight Tank- How do I love thee? Let me count the ways! So I know its going to sound a little gross, but I wore this top for almost a week straight before I finally took it off and washed it- and put it right back on again! But that’s the beauty of it! Its merino wool, so even in the hot-hot-hot of summer, sweatin’ up a storm while bakin’ on the cliff, this thing doesn’t stink! It’s like miracle fabric! The other beautiful thing about wool is how little material it takes to do its job well. This top is very lightweight and breathes like a dream. The scoop neck cut is super-flattering while providing the perfect amount of coverage. I want more of them!!!!

5. SheJumps trucker hat- When I take my helmet off at the end of a climbing day- it ain’t pretty. My hair is either all over the place or plastered to my head after sweating in the sun all day. This trucker hat saves my bacon by giving me a stylish way to cover up that mop. But the real beauty of this hat is that sales support SheJumps- a non-profit who’s mission is to increase female participation in the outdoors. Win-win! Who doesn’t want more awesome women to climb, ski, bike, paddle, run or lift with????

One of the things I value most about my life of climbing and skiing is that it gave me an out. It gave me a different measure of success then what I think our society gives most women and girls.

Look at the major magazines sold to woman. The same articles appear every month about how to lose 10 pounds, how to get the latest hair or make-up style, what the latest fashion trends are, or how to make your boyfriend think you are a sex goddess. Where are the articles about being happy? About being a strong, badass woman? About pursuing your dreams and living life on your own terms? About being unique and being yourself?

Yeah….

These are things I have been ruminating on my entire adult life, but recently, I have come to realize that this insidious message actually starts much earlier then when a girl can start reading Teen magazine.

My nieces are really into all the Disney Princess stuff. I say “stuff” because there is a TON of it. Dress-up clothes, dolls, books, DVDs… even marathons now! I know some folks might think I’m being a bit ridiculous about it, but I think the messages are pretty clear if you can keep your eyes, and mind, open to it long enough. Your life, as woman, doesn’t start until you find your Prince to come and kiss you awake.

How do I know I’m not being ridiculous about this? Because that was the story I grew up with and we didn’t even have all the Princess themed stuff they have now. As I was growing up, I dreamed constantly of meeting the right guy, being kissed and living happily ever after.

That’s why I say climbing was my ‘out,’ my big, red EJECT button from that fantasy (delusion?). I started climbing at 19 years old and it started me on a trajectory that led to the development of my own thoughts about what a ‘successful’ life looks like and what kinds of things really matter.

For instance, I think experiences are more valuable then stuff (unless its GEAR you need for said experiences and then it is TOTALLY valuable!) See my previous post about summit shots. It also means that the ladies I look up to the most aren’t models or actresses. They are everyday women who crank hard on the rock or can totally rip on the slopes.

So with this internal milieu, I drove home for Thanksgiving and my niece’s sixth birthday. I hadn’t gotten her birthday present yet and was worried about showing up empty handed. When I stopped at Barnes and Noble and saw a copy of the new book Women Who Dare, I got an idea.

I would take my nieces climbing. I know there is a climbing gym nearby- I use to work there in college. I’d take them ‘Princess climbing”- let them dress up in princess clothes and go climbing. My hope was that they could begin to see that princesses can be strong and self-reliant. That they could adventure and climb and still wear pink :-).

They both ended up having a great time. So much so, that the next day, they asked me if I could take them ‘princess climbing’ again. Music to this aunt’s ears!

The birthday girl

This one loved going “so high.”

Hopefully, I planted a seed. Only time will tell for sure, but experiences like this are why its so important to “get the girls out.”