how do i train myself out of snark as a default mode and replace it with sincerity??

snark-as-default was a necessary coping mechanism a long time ago (online and offline) and it is neither necessary nor helpful now. it's actually detrimental at this point to my interpersonal relationships.

it was a very good thing for me to come to the understanding of love not as an emotion but as a deep and continuing commitment to assisting another person realize their life's purpose. the desire to choose persons in this way over and over is different from an emotion. emotions are outside of conscious control, and I'm unaware of mine, but i consciously choose these commitments again and again.

coming to understand that i have a gigantic block between my emotions and my cognitions has made so much of my past struggles with therapists and fellow humans make sense.

i am literally unaware of my emotions unless they are "literally sobbing," "seething rage," "unbridled joy," "paralyzing boredom" or "panic attack." which means that most of the time I'm not aware of my emotions at all.

how does one say to their psychiatrist "i like you as a person but you need to be better at your job, my spouses are really angry at you for continually forgetting to write the prescription for the medication that enables my having better relationships with everyone"

at my last appointment, where i told him i was out of my ADHD medication, he said that he would immediately send the prescription to the pharmacy.

an hour after that appointment, i spoke to the pharmacist and learned that he didn't send it. the pharmacy (bless them) attempted multiple times to contact him and he didn't respond until 5 days after my appointment. so it took 8 days to get my med.

me: I'm just glad I finally have a word for it - "parasocial friendship." It's weird to feel like you know someone, like you *really* know someone, and to feel like they should know you too, and then to realize they wouldn't recognize you on the street. It's really just you taking what pieces they give you about themselves, then filling in the rest with your own personality Jurassic Park style to make a really fleshed-out imaginary friend.