A train has been attacked and derailed in the
southern Pool region of the Republic of Congo,
injuring 31, with the number of dead as yet
unknown. What is known, is that the dead were
killed extremely swiftly and silently.

The government have blamed the attack on so
called Ninja rebels, a militia group active during
Congo's civil wars of 1997 and 1998, who style
themselves on the ancient Japanese warriors.
"They do this because ninjas are totally sweet,"
said a government spokesman.

The derailment occurred when a railway bridge
in the town of Loulombo, some 200 km west of
the capital, Brazzaville, was destroyed when the
Ninja rebels totally flipped out and cut its head off.

Persistent clashes between Ninjas and the
Congolese army in the Pool region are proving
to be a serious obstacle to peace in the
country. "This is due to the fact that the Ninjas outclass
the army so much. They just flip out, and the next thing you
know, a whole battalion of the army has been stabbed. Or
had its head cut off," said the government spokesman. "Did I
mention the ninjas are totally sweet?" he added.

Attack

The cargo train, which was carrying medical
supplies and much needed petrol to the
capital, apparently pissed the Ninjas off just by
being there and was attacked on Saturday evening,
but the information was not made public until
late Sunday night. "The train was attacked because the
ninjas
flip out all the time," commented the spokesman. "We should really
redirect the train line or something," he concluded.

The attack has gotten President Sassou super pissed

The Pool region has
been the scene of
sporadic fighting
between suspected
Ninjas and government
forces since April this
year, but the Ninjas
have consistently
defeated the government forces
due to their very careful and precise
death moves as well as their
amazing guitar skills.
"The guitars just start wailing totally hard
and the next thing you know, another bunch of soldiers
have had their heads cut off," said local resident Mbone Impase.

Access to the area
has been denied to
international aid agencies, causing concern
over the condition of an estimated 60,000
internally displaced people in the region.
"We are worried that the aid agencies will do
something to cause the ninjas to flip out and kill them," explained
the government spokesman. "These aid agencies are
quite competent, but they are just not prepared for the
inhumanly sweet awesomeness that these ninjas represent."

Blow

This is the third time the strategic railway link
between Congo's oil hub of Pointe-Noir and the
capital Brazzaville has been attacked since
April.

The disruption has caused a serious shortage of
petrol, in what is currently the third largest
producer of crude oil in Africa although it has
allowed Congo to become the first largest exporter
of sweet guitar licks in the region.

Taxi drivers and motorists in the capital are
being forced to queue overnight outside petrol
stations in order to buy fuel from guys with lots of
little glass bottles. "We do not know why he sells us
the petrol in glass bottles," commented Thabo Nbaku.
"Truly, I wish the ninjas would show up right here and now
with their mad hard guitars wailing and cut this man's head
off in the name of all that is holy," he added.

This latest attack is a blow to newly
inaugurated President Denis Sassou-Nguesso,
who is keen to show that Congo Brazzaville
has emerged from a decade of civil wars into a
state of peace and stability, and attract much
needed foreign investment to open a ninja-land theme park.