"An awakened Aries would rather err on the side of making a daring, improvisational mistake than cuddle up with passionless peace," writes astrologer Hunter Reynolds. "He or she knows that creative conflict can be a greater unifying force than superficial harmony." This is an excellent keynote for you to keep in mind during the coming days. But make sure your motivations are pure and humble, please. If the daring improvisation you launch is fueled by arrogance or the urge to dominate, your efforts to shake things up for the greater good will fail. Fight against what Reynolds calls "terrified niceness" -- but do it with fierce compassion, not sneering rage.

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For some seekers, spiritual enlightenment is the ultimate commodity. They believe that through diligent meditation and self-improvement, there will come a day when it will no longer elude their grasp. Breaking through to the singular state of cosmic consciousness, they will forever after own it, free and clear. Permanently illuminated! Never to backslide into the dull ignominy of normal human awareness!

Here's what I have to say about that: It's a delusion.

The fact is, the nature of perfection is always mutating. What constitutes enlightenment today will always be different tomorrow. Even if you're fortunate and wise enough to score a sliver of "enlightenment," it's not a static treasure that becomes your indestructible, everlasting possession. Rather, it remains a mercurial knack that must be continually re-earned.

If you want to befriend the Divine Wow, you must not only be willing to change ceaselessly -- you have to love to change ceaselessly.

Lucky you: All of creation is conspiring to help you live like that.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Back in 2009, John Allwood, an Australian melon-picker, used his head to smash 47 watermelons in 60 seconds. That broke the previous world record of 40 in a minute, also set by him a couple of years earlier. I've chosen him to be your role model for the coming week, Taurus -- for two reasons. First, you're primed to outstrip a personal best you achieved some time back. So do it! Second, it's a perfect time to use your head in fun and creative ways.

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The Golden Rule is a decent ethical principle, but it could be even better. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" presumes that others enjoy what you enjoy. But that's wrong. There are many things you'd like to have done unto you that others would either despise or be bored by. Here's a new, improved formulation, which we call the Platinum Rule: Do unto others as they would like to have you do unto them.

Using this improved formula is not just a virtuous way to live, but is also the best way to ensure the success of your selfish goals. The rituals and spells of various occult orders purport to be supercharged techniques for imposing your personal will on the chaotic flow of events, but I say that practicing the Platinum Rule outstrips all of them as an exercise to enhance your power and happiness.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

According to April Winchell's book Regretsy: Where DIY Meets WTF, here are some of the treasures you can find for sale at Etsy.com: a toy pig made from a root beer can; a "juicy enchanted pouch" for holding runes; a handmade hornet's nest; a stuffed feral goat fashioned to resemble a unicorn; fake tapeworms that are actually spray-painted fettucine; and a "haunted Ouija board Las Vegas casino-style blackjack roulette poker chip." I would absolutely love it if you designed something like this and hawked it on Etsy, Gemini. Your skill as an idiosyncratic creator will soon be peaking, as will your capacity for marketing the most unique aspects of your shtick and style.

Need more help deciphering the riddles and enigmas that are fueling your amazing story? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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HELP WANTED. Practical dreamers with high emotional intelligence needed to become experts in the following subjects: the art of possessing abundant resources without feeling greed or a sense of superiority; the science of cultivating luxurious comfort in a way that does not lead to spiritual sloth; and a knack for enjoying peace and serenity without diluting one's ambition.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Specialization is for insects," said science fiction writer Robert Heinlein. "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, pitch manure, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently." I bring this thought to your attention, Cancerian, because it's an excellent time for you to broaden your understanding and expand your repertoire. How many of the things that Heinlein names can you do? Make a list of your talents, and try to add some new ones to that list in the coming weeks.

No one knows you better than you do, but maybe I can help you dig up even more self-knowledge. Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Most religions designate a special class of people -- priests, rabbis, ayatollahs -- to oversee official communications with the Source. This has led to a prevailing assumption, even among those who don't follow an established faith, that we can't initiate a divine conversation without the aid of a professional class of trained mediators. Among some sects of the ancient gnostics, in contrast, everyone was regarded as a potential prophet who could experience epiphanies worthy of becoming part of the ever-evolving doctrine.

As you create your own spiritual path, experiment with this approach. What might you do to eliminate the middleman and commune directly with the Source?

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

A veterinarian in Nashville was asked to do something he had never done: diagnose and treat a wounded whooping crane. Experts devoted to safeguarding the endangered species advised him to wear a billowy white suit. That way the wild bird would be more likely to accept his attention. "You learn very quickly how to communicate dressed as a marshmallow," the vet said after completing his work. Be prepared for a metaphorically similar encounter, Leo. You, too, may face a prospect that resembles interspecies conversation. I hope you'll be as adaptable as the vet.

Wouldn't you love to learn more about who you really are? What better adventure is there than learning about your soul's code? For more hints, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The Indian activist Mahatma Gandhi lead many peaceful rebellions against oppressive governments, first in South Africa and later in British-controlled India. At first he called his strategy "passive resistance," but later disavowed that term because it had negative implications. He ultimately chose the Sanskrit word satyagraha, meaning "love force" or "truth force." "Truth (satya) implies love," he said, "and firmness (agraha) is a synonym for force. Satyagraha is thus the force which is born of truth and love."

Give an example of how you have employed satyagraha in the past, and another example of how you might invoke it in the future.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Everything is unique," said the 19th-century authors known as the Goncourt brothers, who wrote all their books together. "Nothing happens more than once in a lifetime. The physical pleasure that a certain woman gave you at a certain moment, the exquisite dish that you ate on a certain day -- you will never meet either again. Nothing is repeated, and everything is unparalleled." Of course this is always true. But I suspect you will be more intensely aware of it in the coming days than you have in a long time. In part that's because the sensations and experiences headed your way will be so piquantly unique, so exquisitely fresh. And in part it's because you'll be wide-awake to the novel pleasures that are possible when you appreciate the fact that everything changes all the time.

I hope the oracle above provides you with the inspiration you need to do what you've got to do and change what needs to be changed. But if you need more clues, listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE, where I go further in exploring your mysteries.

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Say this: "Novel intuitions are now erupting from my smart heart, awakening me from any trance I've been ensnared in. I am hereby breaking and escaping obstructions that have hindered my ability to express my soul's code. All of my unique capacities are being unleashed, all of my potentials activated. I recognize that I'm a miraculous work of art, a masterpiece unlike any other ever created in the history of the world."

Say this: "I am a genius. I am a lucky, plucky, good-sucking genius."
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

"Sentiment without action is the ruin of the soul," said environmentalist Edward Abbey. The "ruin" doesn't happen all of a sudden, because of a single small failure to translate sincere intentions into good works. Rather, it's the result of long-running laziness or passivity -- a consistent inability to do what one's passions demand. If there is even a shred of this tendency in your make-up, Libra, now is an urgent time to shed it. According to my astrological analysis, you simply must carry out your soul's mandates.

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In ancient Rome, gladiator contests were as popular as today's football games. The warriors back then were not hired heroes as they are now, however. They were slaves or convicts who were forced to fight. Even if they won, they were usually required to return and risk their lives another day. Now and then a grizzled veteran of countless struggles-to-the-death was awarded with the ultimate prize: a wooden sword, symbolizing the end of his role as a gladiator and the beginning of his life as a free man. I'm telling you this because I believe you have earned your own personal equivalent of the wooden sword. Make one for yourself.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

I would of course never advocate burning all copies of the book Faking It: How to Seem Like a Better Person Without Actually Improving Yourself. I'm a staunch defender of freedom of speech, even if the speech offends my moral sense. On the other hand, my freedom of speech allows me to advise you to strenuously avoid that book and any influence that resembles it. In my astrological opinion, you need to actually become a better person in the coming weeks, not just pretend you are. Here's a good place to start: Don't just pay lip service to the idea of supporting others' freedom of speech. Help them claim and express that freedom, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Would you like further inspiration as you scheme and dream to make the most of life's sometimes puzzling opportunities? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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The "Kumulipo" is an old Hawaiian prayer chant that poetically describes the creation of the world. The word literally means "beginning-in-deep-darkness." Here darkness doesn't connote gloom and evil. Rather, it's about the inscrutability of the embryonic state; the obscure chaos that reigns before germination. Talk about the last time you dwelt in kumulipo.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Every one of us is born with up to 150 new mutations that make us different from both of our parents. Most of those genetic alterations are neutral in their effects. Some are negative and a few may be beneficial. I bring this to your attention, Sagittarius, because you're entering a phase when it's possible to take more advantage of your positive mutations than you ever have before. Can you guess what they are? Try to, because you're primed to tap in to their fuller potential.

What exactly are you looking for? How would you describe the experiences you want more than anything else? It's possible my EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE could give you additional help in figuring that out.

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Beauty and Truth Laboratory researcher Romney Austin adorned her Honda Civic with her first-ever bumper sticker, "Give Yourself to Love." While proud of announcing her compassionate philosophy to the world, she was also nervous. Hadn't she raised the pressure on herself to live up to her noble ideals?

A week later, she snapped. A guy chatting on a cell phone in a Lexus SUV cut her off in traffic, and road rage moved her to give him a middle-finger salute. Soon she added a new bumper sticker to the left of the first: "Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, Hold On."

When I asked her about the contradiction, she confessed, "I've just accepted that I've got a split personality."

A week later, her conflicting sides reached a compromise. Romney pasted the word "and" in the space between the two stickers, to create a new thought: "Get In, Sit Down, Shut Up, Hold On, and Give Yourself to Love." She called to announce the good news: "I'm whole again!"
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

Dictionary.com says there are 19 words in the English language with no perfect rhymes. Among them are six words that are useful in constructing this week's horoscope for you: cusp, glimpsed, depth, rhythm, gulf, and opus. I like the fact that none of them rhyme because it's symbolic of the task you have ahead of you. You're on the cusp of a shift in your rhythm that will take you out of your depth, compelling you to close the gulf between you and a resource that will be crucial for you to have access to in the future. You've glimpsed what needs to be done -- the creation of a new opus -- but in order to accomplish it, you will need to be motivated by a frustration that feels like having to rhyme unrhymeable words.

Want to hear more about the subconscious factors and hidden forces that may be influencing your life? Listen to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Every act of genius, Carl Jung said, is an act contra naturam: against nature. Indeed, every effort to achieve psychological integration and union with the divine requires a knack for working against the grain. The 18th-century mystic Jacob Boehme recommended the same technique. The great secret to becoming enlightened, he said, is "to walk in all things contrary to the world." Qabalist teacher Paul Foster Case agreed: "The basis of the spiritual approach to life, the foundation of the everyday practice of a person who lives the life of obedience to esoteric law, is the reversal of the more usual ways of thinking, speaking and doing."

Name the ways you already use this approach, and brainstorm about others you might like to try.
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

The Jerusalem Syndrome is a temporary psychological phenomenon that on rare occasions overtakes travelers who visit Jerusalem. Under the influence of ancient holy sites, these people may become obsessed with religious themes or experience delusions that they are characters from stories in the Bible or Koran. I don't expect you to fall under the sway of such an outbreak, Aquarius, but I do suspect that you will soon have some intense spiritual stirrings. To ensure that they will enlighten you, not dishevel you, stay well-grounded. Have regular meals, please. Sleep well and exercise now and then.

To further explore the ripening blessings and interesting challenges in your life, tune in to your EXPANDED AUDIO HOROSCOPE.

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Every January 1, many people make New Year's resolutions, promising to embark on programs of self-improvement. But your assignment now, should you choose to accept it, is to create a list of ANTI-resolutions.

Here are some questions to guide you: 1. What outlandish urges and controversial tendencies do you promise to cultivate in the coming months? 2. What nagging irritations will you ignore and avoid with even greater ingenuity? 3. What problems do you promise to exploit in order to have even more fun as you make the status quo accountable for its corruption? 4. What boring rules and traditions will you thumb your nose at, paving the way for exciting encounters with strange attractors?
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.

My Pisces friend Rana Satori Stewart coined some new words that happen to be perfect for you to begin using and embodying. "Blissipline," she says, is "the commitment to experiencing a little or a lot of bliss every day; the practice of expanding one's capacity for bliss and being open to receive it in any moment." A "blissiplinarian" is "someone who enforces pleasure and invites opportunities for more pleasure," while a "blissciple" is a person who aspires to master the art of blissipline. I encourage you to be a blissciple, Pisces, because it will put you in sync with the effervescent invitations the cosmos has scheduled for you.

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself
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The preceding oracle comes from my book, PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia:How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings.