Really on another planet - I turned around and looked into the vast black space - Light years away from my home - I know I'll never go back - but I haven't accepted it yetSo here I am - on this planet - displaced - I don't know how I got here don't know how I got chosen

All these experiments - I have to perform until I dieAll for the sake of being monitored until I dieThis is all my life is ever going to mean I don't get what people can have, anymore

I have to adapt -

One time somebody looked at me and spoke to me and it wasn't a lieOnce somebody looked at me in the eyeAnd they said something, and it wasn't a lie --- I might have fallen in love ------

Once somebody asked me a questionbecause they wanted to know the answerOnce somebody used words to express themselveswith words ------- And it wasn't even for hurting meOnce somebody felt good without hurting me.

When I was a person like everyone else.

Once somebody cared - I can't imagine whyOnce I had something somebody else wanted What do I have that they want?Once it was just life.Once somebody looked at me& didn't feel the need topush me or change me

Once somebody looke at me and saw me

Once, I heard rain....& just [quiet] out ..... words held a high value -Exchanged regularaly, like currency Each one could havr a domino-effec

IN THE BELLY OF THE MONSTER...

-Pad-ettes-Tampon -ettes>>Subway ...blablabla(I hear .".....Edie....>tohh!<"(someone spit)..."Don't you do that.!"(about my writing their words down, as they speak) ....">tohh!<"...."Can I help you?"...">tohh!<"...."change!"..."I'm warning you"..."CAN I HELP YOU?"... "First of all...(?)(!")......."SEX!!"

SHOPPING LIST (4/29/02 : around 11 p.m.).

Once, people weren't emotionally dependant on lies.One day, they all looked at each otherand nobody was safe

What would cause them to stop?It's been 8 years, now.Who's idea was this to begin with - for me to be involved?Why are they doing this?

- a minute and a half, slice of my life - this is what I hear,..as I write my grocery list...

...being WORN, like a living human overcoat, by others, who 'bought their ticket' for this misery-ride, that THEY'VE created. ..saves them, from their previous lives of boredom and argueing with each other. Now they all get along looking @ each other, but talking really their own inner fears...