Who is a Jew?

Every Friday night at 6 PM Eastern Time we video-stream a Shabbat service. You can watch it live, or you can always catch the archive anytime during the week. We generally share readings about Shabbat and specifically the candles, challah bread, and wine (or juice). As always, our liturgy reflects an inclusive and contemporary voice. And, Rabbi Barr and I always have a conversation during services. It’s especially fun for me because I keep the computer in front of me and (in addition to listening to him) I get to read the Facebook, Twitter, and Livestream chat streams from all of our participants. Often you all have more interesting comments than we do!

Tonight’s topic is Who Is a Jew? We actually needed to pre-record tonight’s service because of travel schedules, so this one won’t be live – but it will still be interactive.

The topic of Who Is A Jew? is one that comes up quite often. According to halachah (traditional Jewish law), a person is Jewish if s/he is born to a Jewish mother. The father’s religion is irrelevant for these purposes.

This definition falls short. If a person is born to a Jewish father and raised with a Jewish identity, then s/he is just as Jewish as someone who is born to a Jewish mother and raised with a Jewish identity. And, if someone is born to parents who are not Jewish but later learns about and identifies with Judaism as his/her religion, then s/he is Jewish in my eyes.

The organized Jewish community is often fond of telling people that they “are not Jewish enough.” Even if the message is not explicit, many communities send this message implicitly.

I’m sick of it, frankly. Jewish professionals often wonder “why are so many Jews walking away from Judaism?” The reality, though, is that Jews aren’t necessarily walking away. Many of them are being pushed out by the community that does not truly embrace them for any one of several reasons – like they don’t meet a certain definition of being Jewish.

This recently came up in the news when a prisoner requested a kosher meal. A Chabad rabbi who served as a chaplain at the corrections center asked the prisoner if his mother was Jewish. The prisoner answered that only his father was Jewish. So, the rabbi went back to the corrections center and said “No, he is not Jewish,” and the prison then denied prisoner Thomas Feldheim’s request for kosher meals.

I agree with Alexander Shalom, the ACLU of New Jersey’s policy counsel, who said: “Decisions about religious affiliation are deeply personal, and it is not up to the state to determine whether a person’s beliefs are sincerely held.”

There are many ways to be Jewish. I think the Jewish community is greatly enhanced when we welcome those who want to be part of it.

Shabbat of Inclusion and Gay Pride

I was slightly horrified last Friday by some of my rabbinic colleagues’ Facebook posts. They were updating their statuses to say things like:”Tonight is Shabbat of Inclusion – all are welcome!” or “Tonight at Shabbat services we celebrate diversity.”

It’s when I read Facebook statuses like this that I tend to respond aloud (even when no one else is around) and say “really?!?! are you kidding?!?!?! tonight is a Shabbat of inclusion, but not all the other Shabbats, let alone weekdays?!!?!”

I celebrate diversity, year-round. I don’t treat anyone differently based on their sexuality, ever. I am part of a congregation/community that is truly welcoming, 365 days a year, to everyone.

I understand that June is Gay Pride month, and an opportunity to celebrate that people should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity. And for that reason, we’ll talk about Gay Pride at our streaming Shabbat service tonight at 6 PM Eastern Time.

But what I don’t understand is why any congregation would send a message that they are inclusive, only sometimes.

A Christian clergy friend recently posted this quotation from Liz Feldman on his Facebook page: “It’s very dear to me ~ the issue of gay marriage ~ or as I like to call it: ‘marriage‘ ~ you know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn’t gay park it.” An excellent point.

It’s funny because I had been ruminating on this bizarre “we include all people, only occasionally” concept for a few days when a business I follow on Facebook (Canyon Ranch) posted the following: “June is Gay Pride month, but celebrating authenticity, diversity, and inclusion are in season all year long.” What a lovely sentiment – and the same is true at OurJewishCommunity.org.