TOUGHSTUFF: I KID YOU NOT!

Right. So do excuse the very long break--I would blame the exams, but if the hiatus was of any indication I have spent much longer time basking in the sun during the holidays than toil over my books to have sufficient evidence to lay the blame on studying alone for the absence.

Gosh I sure do miss my verbal diarrhea and self-absorbed posts.

Been back in dear old campus this time no longer as a fresh-eyed bushytailedwhateveryoucallthem junior, but now as a near-retiree. which is amazing, really when you think about it--how time flies, that is. It felt not too long ago when we entered all idealistic and naive with high expectations and ideals but at the same time I cannot help but feel like the journey took years though in reality it is barely more than 2 years. The concept of time obviously have eluded me since I've started the goddamn course but owell all's fine.

On a more recent note I've been so busy with the orientation I almost missed being an orientation officer (operative word being ALMOST). running around like jackasses, choreographing dances till the legs ache and I would have to end up walking alike a castrated robot, and learning so much from the juniors it's crazy. But totally worth it.

Also, over the past week I was granted the most amazing opportunity to work with 2 of the most gifted people in music I've ever seen it's almost like a dream come true. (2 of which shall be henceforth be referred to as JoJoBear and JayJayBird) I've never been so humbled and so moved before, more so after our performance this afternoon. Thanks, guys.

3 months of self-denial was somewhat worth it, although I have to begrudgingly admit that I have indeed much more to learn from others.

It's strange, though. I expected a greater sense of relief--euphoria, perhaps--but looking that that sheet of paper hardly evoked any emotion on my part aside from that itsy bit of annoyance that I could've perhaps done much better have I put in a tad more effort. Still I'm glad everyone in my circle as far as I know, have passed.

And now I will have to deal with the massive paperwork, thanks to my amazingly ingenious campus who can still manage to ruin my happiness (or whatever's left of it) by encroaching into my much-precious holidays. The idiotic hospital is not making life any easier for me too. owell too much to say--i'll try to keep this post short, hmm?

Okay so this is merely a list I compiled to remind myself why on earth I am studying while everyone's merrymaking and singing carols everywhere. If you do, however, feel inclined to be generous and are contemplating on getting any of these for me this season, I would like to urge you to squarely lose all inhibitions and run wild. After all, in this season of festivities, the looser your pockets, the happier you make this world.

And what better way to make this world a happier place by making yours truly less moody than he already is?

And now, allow me to present to you Ben's Christmas Wishlist for Year 2009:

Robbins & Cotran's Atlas of Pathology

No self-respecting gore enthusiast/ overzealous pathologist wannabe would consider themselves worthy of mention without owning one of these babies. With over a hundred pictures of pummeled babies and squashed organs vividly pictured in full color and detailed description, this one is almost one step below cheating for all OSPE-goers. Even laymen cannot resist the bright, detailed pictures here. Plus, IT'S HARDCOVER! Estimated price: RM 150/++

And here is where it starts to get absurd:

Lotus "Phantom" Exige Scura

Granted, I may not be much of a car-fanboy and yes, it does somewhat look like a gigantic upscale model of a Tamiya car but heck, look at the matte finish and the jet black stripes across the beautifully curved vehicle and tell me this ain't going for a win. The retro-modern hybrid looks scores points in the looks department and being NOT a Malaysian car, you can be sure as hell that this ain't your typical Wira when it comes to functionality. Estimated price: RM 1M/++

D&G Black Leather Bomber Jacket

I've always advocated style and functionality and this piece certainly merits a spot on my list of drool-worthy uhm, things. Pair it up with a casual tee and you get the gangsta-cool vibe oozing outta your every pore but with a nice shirt and a tie inside, you'd exude suave while not being OTT. Having to weather the harsh, cold environment in my particular uni makes this almost essential. Estimated Price: +/-RM5k

Sarpaneva Moon-Phase Watch

If women cannot have enough bags, I'd say men can never have enough watches. Even if you do have ENOUGH watches, this is one you wouldn't want to NOT have. The adult-cold absoluteness of this watch is somewhat balanced by the almost childish moonfaces. Also let us not forget how that little child in us can never resist being able to look inside the watch, one which this item allows almost titillatingly (without tearing it apart, of course). Estimated price: i dont even wanna guess.

Shanghai Tang Dragon Cufflinks

Western-chinese fusion is always cool. and Dragons are cool, too. silver dragons on your wrist makes you even cooler. And a nice shirt paired with these cufflinks would make you the coolest kid in the boardroom, bar, etc. Oh and have I mentioned how cool these darlings are? Estimated price: RM 700/++

Plaid Skinny Jeans

Channel that inner Chuck Bass within you and walk out in style! Beware of severe crotchaches due to tight crotchgrabs from the pants and please, if your legs are stick thin DO NOT walk outta your house in these unless you want to look like a spider-monkey. Only for those whose confidence outstrips their thick skin (like yours truly). Estimated price: surprisingly, RM 70.

Shiseido Zen for Men

Girls would enjoy sniffing you, boys would turn gay smelling it on you, you'd be surrounded by adoring fans and best of all, your already stinking life would be somewhat less so. The perfect mix of feminine sweetness with masculine undertones and persistence. Smells so good you'd wanna just gulp it all down, except you'd die doing so and THAT's Zen to you. Estimated price: RM 170/++

Blackberry Storm

Anyone who says they don't want a Blackberry is a liar. Closest contender to the iPhone by far but with less reports of bugs/glitches, this is probably the better option in the long run. And since almost every powerhouse individual uses one, you can bet you'll feel like an executive/CEO just by holding one. Why, I already feel important just talking about it. Estimated price: RM 2k/++

Don't blame me for emo posts--after all, who blogs anyway when they're in throes of ecstasy? Not that I ever was in one, mind. It's simply easier to contemplate on what to say when one is all alone at home with nothing better to think of than the things that could have been or should have been. Or probably more ubiquitously (if there ever was such a word) the sense of dread and futility that comes with the territory of studies and exams.

Having said that it would be downright ironic to think that despite being in a mental turmoil my studies have surprisingly not inched down a bit. In fact I'd go as far as to say I have never studied better since, well. the last time I studied well.

The next appropriate question (assumption being you care enough to wonder) would be "what then is pricking your balls?", to which I can say "Oh, , just about everything!". "But why so?" and I would unleash a full tirade on why despite being told endlessly to appreciate the little things I have I have yet to settle down with what I have.

But really, you've probably heard this a million times before from me--So, lest I lose interest I shall move on to my social commentary.

Before I begin, allow me to describe the perfect relationship--which, of course encompasses most; be it love, friendship, kinship, etc. Family relationships work on an absolutely different dynamic, of course, and for that reason would be an exception for my observation. The perfect relationship in an ideal world would be one built solely on mutual respect and compromise with no selfish expectations on part of both parties.

But as we all know, that is rarely ever the case. In one extreme there would be perfect, absolute submission of one (or both parties) to the other party bordering on obsession and adoration, one that would nevertheless include blatant selflessness in favor of the other party. On the other side of the spectrum would be a relationship set purely for the perks--once the other party cannot contribute further, the connection is as good as over.

Unless you happen to be God (with respect to the first scenario) or an egocentric, heartless machine (second scenario) it is likely people like us fall somewhere between the two--and that will be the focus of my observation. Of course, talking about the better polarity of the spectrum would be boring at best--and hence i shall talk about the less pure, less talked about facet of relationships.

I am probably being very vague at the moment-- suffice to say from what I have observed, I would like to point out that most relationships, whether we admit it or not, is often perpetuated and motivated by selfish wants.

Take, for an example, friends. More often than not friendships form when there is a need for companionship or heck, the need to feel popular when taken in context of highschool cliques. I suppose on a more human level it is, in a sense a justification of self worth. Nobody likes to feel unliked, if you get what I mean. When love is concerned, the motivations are countless: sure, I'm not denying the possibility of pure, unconditional love; but really, don't they all begin anyway with the motivation of gaining external beauty, or riches, or even obtaining favors for oneself? Are humans not enamored by wisdom or skill and by extension would want to be as close as possible to people who are capable of such? If not, i would say even the need for closeness or intimacy is motive enough. And don't even get me started on relationships based on sex.

Human love is never unconditional--friendships, love, all selfish. Even family fails sometimes.

Long time no see indeed--I must say for the shortest period of time I actually forgot I have a blog, what with all the things happening around me, insignificant as it may be to be worth a mention here. Gotta miss my verbal diarrhea, eh?

While we are on the topic of time, allow me to unleash a tirade of senseless rant: I'd say that these days I believe I'm becoming waaaayy to jaded and cynical for someone my age (if my previous posts were not obvious enough). People tend to annoy me easily these days, and I get bored quickly. Am I growing old? Perhaps. Disappointed with life? I'm not ruling out the possibility. Could already imagine myself sitting all on my own at the side with an scowl etched on my face going "kids these days."

Feel free at this point to state the obvious and say "but you're barely 20!". Yeah, I get it--but the problem is not my age but how I view the world thru my 20k-powered reading glasses of antiquity, if that makes sense at all.

Quarter-life crisis it must be, if ever such a thing existed. (I'm patenting this under my name first in the very unlikely situation that there's an award for discovering new disorders)

Still, it sure is better than being in denial over my age and perpetually thinking I am going to be young forever like some people *coughmadonnacough*.

Oh dear there I go again straying off-topic. (another hallmark of senesence, i should think.)

So it's another one of those days when I'm to bored to do anything but sit in front of the computer in the library pretending like I'm using the computer for study purposes (lest stares thrown from fuming students who couldn't use the computers are thrown at me). Of course, I should really be studying now, what with _another_ major examination coming up in, oh, say 2 week's time?

I'm not kidding when I say the bunch of notes (STUDY notes, although the other alternative would not be grudged) I have collected over the last ONE month or so could easily kill an old lady if it landed on her head.

Yet the best thing to do in life at the moment is to watch my batchmates frantically studying (even so that is an understatement) while I enjoy a slow stroll along the campus thinking about what to do over the weekend. IN fact, I'd do ANYTHING at the moment BUT study. [/sighs]

So it's been awhile since I last blogged but again I must say I DO have good reasons for it. Having said that it's not such a bad thing--not updating and all--since it quite obviously means I have something better to do than stare at the computer like how some people do [/snob].

Still it's barely a month since I returned to the dreaded medschool and the mountain of notes and lectures to cover is already near insurmountable at this point in time, what more with the preparation of orientation at its most intense and also the omnipresent PBLs (sources of annoyance to be disclosed in the next post or so). And church practices.

Which begs the question how (and why) on earth did I get myself into all these things the semesters before. Powerhungry, much?

As I _may_ have mentioned awhile ago, new housemate's moved in and so far almost everything's fine--He seems pretty decent (definitely not as wild as the previous one ;p) and nice. In fact Animeslut did comment on how he looks agreeable to housework to which I gave a disapproving condescending look (but secretly agreed having been a slave to her for the past year). More things, of course were said about him but shall remain unmentioned to protect the PC-ness of this particular blog. *ahem*

Still, the recent turn of events gave us a new perspective on said new housemate. To put it simply, we have came to a conclusion that newhousemate is either a mermaid, a sea creature or a hydrophile due to his seemingly indiscriminate usage of water. Or he's secretly harboring a sea creature in his room. Or *gasp!* another human!

...

That could explain why he needs to wash his clothes everyday.

(various other theories are also presented but shall not be made known to protect the innocence of my dear readers-- if any.)

Best moment? When he walked around the apartment in his wet flip-flops leaving wet patches of footwork all over the place--Animeslut's constipated-gorilla look was (still is and will always be) quite priceless. Pretty much the same malicious pleasure you derive from looking at the face of an OCD-suffering person whose book arrangement you mess up. Or a kid whose dominoes you tip *accidentally*.

Right--so the sand in the vag phase is sorta over now, all thanks to housemate's HDD finally being retrieved from the depths of corruptedness. Well the previous posts have been absent as well but all I can say is the semester is doing little in keeping said housemate's and my sanity in place what with all the complexities of the human anatomy. And physiology. And pharmacodynamics. You get the idea.

And if the impression of having afternoon classes brings to mind lazy mornings dawdling about or simply lying in bed watching the clock tick, I urge you to purge that notion immediately. A workaholic I may be (I think), but these days meetings are the only few things I do not exactly look forward to--not in the morning, at least; waking up at 8+ when you could well do 11+ WITHOUT any meetings. Can't say I have nobody to blame but myself for volunteering in so many activities, but I suppose that is one of the few things that keep me from leaping off the balcony when I can't tell how the heart tube folds. And how they differ from a squashed orange (google the picture and you'll see what I mean).

While nothing else is worth mentioning at the moment, I can say that the Orientation Planning and M&P is coming up splendidly at the moment. No, really. Everything's fine in lalaland tralalala everyone's happy.

Been very tired recently, and I think I may have sand in my vag**a as well. Needless to say almost anything provokes me (not outwardly, of course--nooo I'm just too cool for that) these days, and lectures are getting increasingly confusing in a strange way. No, I'm not getting dumber btw. I think.

Also, I have this feeling that I am about to dislike my PBL group. [/end rant]

Classes *finally* started today, and to be really frank I couldn't feel excited about it for all the grumbling's worth. So maybe meeting up with friends (if any) was enjoyable--heck, I daresay something to look forward to, even-- but trust me on this when I say waking up after only having 5 hours of sleep would totally change the perspective of the day (a no brainer, really).

Even normally unassuming conflicts (like passwords not registering on the computer) would lead to emotional distress for the good 5 minutes, that being said. And not to mention how everyone would start to act as though they have (to quote the great Eric Cartman) sand in their v*g*na. Also, the imminent threat of falling asleep anytime. Very tangible.

Since it was the start of the new semester, there were obviously the mandatory talks from the dean and the various faculty members sisters etc which were of course interesting but almost redundant otherwise. Then, breaking the traditional "no classes on the first day" axiom, we DID have class today. Not very pleasant to be honest, what with trying not to sleep--though the lecture in itself ain't THAT bad.

In the meantime, allow me to relate my experience today being at the wrong end of a botched up blood drawing procedure--yesssh, the victim. To put it simply, imagine having the syringe inserted within a distance of 2mm _twice_ on the same spot. It hurts more than it sounds. I'd like to say "trust me on that", but where's the fun in just telling? Go try it out! :D

Okay so maybe the holidays aren't all that boring. Since our 3rd housemate left we were looking for a new housemate--which would not have been so troublesome if we knew there were "seasons" when people would actually start looking for rooms.

To put it succintly, Most of the holiday mornings I have spent waking up to calls in the vein of this: