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Tuesday, September 29, 2015

"A Special Education"

... the title of this New York Times piece, in which the author relates his experience of suffering from what sounds like would be diagnosed nowadays as oppositional defiant disorder, and consequently being sent to a special education school in which he quickly stopped picking fights because the kids "fought like grown-ups. If you hit someone in the arm, he might hit you back in the face or the genitals." Despite the frequent violence from his peers and common apathy from "the system", he finds himself wondering about the value of the experience:

Was riding the short bus for three years a good or a bad thing for me? I’m not sure. When I graduated from high school, I could not find New Jersey or Connecticut on a map. But one incident that happened in that first tumultuous year in fourth grade makes special ed invaluable in my adult eyes.

I realized after I got on the bus one morning that I’d forgotten my lunch and that there wasn’t any place near the office building to get food. When lunch period came, I was fearful, not because I’d go hungry, but because any public mistake was routinely seized upon by the other kids. “Idiot forgot his lunch” would make great fodder.

While the others unwrapped their sandwiches and unscrewed thermoses, I waited silently, looking down.

“Hey, man, why aren’t you eating?” a kid asked.

“F’rg’t m’lunch,” I muttered.

A whisper was passed down the table; here it comes, I thought.

A rectangular object wrapped in shiny foil whizzed through the air and hit me in the chest. I opened it and found half a bologna sandwich. An apple rolled my way, followed by half a turkey on rye, which I caught in midair. A bag of chips was slid down to me.

I looked up and all at the table were smiling at me.

“What do you say, Josh?” the teacher asked.

“Thank you,” I whispered to the class.

“Don’t mention it.”

“No problem.”

“You’re welcome, doofus.”

I held my breath in response to the sudden volcano in my belly and quickly shifted my gaze to my shoes, but it was no use. I knew how to squelch emotion in response to violence, but had not known mercy, kindness and warmth, and was not prepared for the waterfall erupting from my face. I sprang up from the table to run away and hide my feelings from the class, but was blocked by one of the teachers’ aides. I ran full speed into her arms, burying my face. She wrapped both arms tightly around me and maneuvered me quickly out into the hall, quietly closing the door behind her. She held me while I gasped and sobbed, my tears and snot staining her dress. She didn’t ask me what was wrong; she just held me. I looked up after a minute and saw she was crying, too.

In that moment I felt for the first time what it was like to be supported and accepted, taken care of rather than yelled at, punished or shunted off, which is how most people react to children who are violent or feral. Special ed got me directly in touch with a deeper place in the same way music would later on.

I think a lot of people see adult sociopaths and gate them and fail to see that they just happened to be born with that disposition with childhood experiences that triggered the development of those traits. I know that children with issues are easy to get angry at and to want to punish or scare straight. If those tactics worked, I would be 100% behind them too. But they don't. Not on these kids. So how can you justify treating a child like that? They may not seem as innocent as other children, but they can't help the way they are anymore than any other child can.

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"Well, what you recount is not "science." It's a "one off" incident,He might not have been a full fledged sociopath. He's working in the music field?Just like you could work in the music field with your disclipline and training.The bonnie fide sociopath is often like a piece of dirt. He is incapable of showingmercy unless there's something in it for him.I'm sad to say, were going to be finding out about that very soon with the influxof Islamic refugees. Sweden has experience with that. Lot's of Swedish girls aregetting raped. I saw a photo the other day of the aftermath of one of these rapes. I didn't know a body could be contorted in such a way-like a pretzel.Dirt and twigs were thrown over "that area."

"I knew how to squelch emotion in response to violence, but had not known mercy, kindness and warmth, and was not prepared for the waterfall erupting from my face. "

I've thankfully had a few experiences like this over the past year. Kindness is magic, and it does turn locks in the mind.

"If those tactics worked, I would be 100% behind them too. But they don't. Not on these kids. " I don't think it works on any kid. Punishment is a form of control - no one flourishes when subject to control.

"They may not seem as innocent as other children, but they can't help the way they are anymore than any other child can."And here's where things get really interesting. How do we help sociopathic children engage in society - which they require for their own survival - without thwarting them and without risking damage.

This is why: A) philosophy is important for understanding what society is, inclusive of the sociopathic element (which is a considerable proportion); for looking clearly at how we frame constructions of ourselves and of society; and for creating challenging questions for the sciences to answer as regards human nature (of which sociopathy offers a stark reflection)B) psychology and ethnography are important for genuinely looking at who humans are as a species - science tells us what "is", rather than what "should be"C) each individual operates best when they take responsibility for their own self.

These are important not because rules are important - I personally don't like them - but because rules give structure to social groups. And none of us survive without some form of membership in social constructions. What's the optimal construction of society? Where individuals have freedom to flourish and responsibility to take care of themselves.

We don't give sympathy to diabetics who don't take their insulin or improve their eating habits. Why should we show any to people who don't deal with their childhood mental illness and trauma? Why should we allow then excuse this trauma for bad behaviors and the social ills they cause because of it?

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What I know exactly is that there are a lot of special schools and colleges all over the country. I think people with mental diseases should get good education is such schools. I have been thinking of writing an essay where I plan to describe life of special school student. I just need some advice on how to do it right. I need a good writer for that and I decided to read Evolution Writers testimonials on http://www.topwritersreview.com/reviews/evolutionwriters/ to make sure it will be good enough for me.

The common socio response to kindness is just "what morons". And simmering hatred because they feel treated like "retards" by patronizing bastards. So feed hungry socios at own risk. Do not expect gratitude..

Based on your recent posts it seems you have advanced in your self discovery (I read your book which was written years ago), I'd like to know how therapy is helping or not helping you deal with society and the environment for example.

!!! it used to be connected to this blog but was disconnected over a year ago. We need fresh blood and lots of interesting things have happened recently (relates to kiwifar.ms drama: https://archive.is/M2tXa) that will go down in the forum's history! Be sure to check out http://www.psychforums.com/antisocial-personality/ too, as some of its regulars are regulars on SC too!

Goddamn ME refused to reconnect the blog to the forum so we SC goers will just have to spam advertisements for the forum in the comments section. ;)

Featured comment

Of course, my default is still to intuitively analyze every outcome and situation and achieve the best result, but it's more interesting to let people remain a variable and go in their own direction, rather than nudging them in the direction I prefer. Interacting with people WITHOUT trying to control them is a new paradigm for me.