It was early spring of 2014 when the savior of North Korea, Kim Jong-un, was enjoying his three course meal in complete tranquility, an annual source of food considered by his people.

To everyone’s surprise, later that day, it was established that their royalty and highness had been diagnosed with severe breast cancer.

Military leaders proposed for him to consider launching a nuclear warning, something to frighten enemy countries, but not really do anything else because they were “so messed up economically and ideologically”. All military leaders that agreed with the statement were later executed for treason.

The people of North Korea thanked savior Kim for his accomplishments over the years and even held a parade in his honor, and in no way were the people “forced” to act upon this “order” that was “passed” by Kim Jong-un himself.

All North Koreans cried during that parade, and absolutely no one was “shot” if refused. A statue was built in his honor naming him the bravest leader ever diagnosed with breast cancer.

Kim Jong-un’s breasts, weighing in at an impressible ten pounds each, were studied by American university students “gathered” by the North Korean military to try and find a cure. When proven unsuccessful, all students were “sent to the eternal rice fields of North Korea”. Their bodies were later found drifting in the Pacific Ocean by the U.S Navy.

President of the Republic of the Congo and the White House, Prince Barack Hussein Obama, gave a speech which involved possible U.S interventions in North Korea. “The United States will do whatever it takes to properly avenge these American citizens.”

The excerpt taken from Prince Obama’s new best seller, Cut the Tall Trees, advises that it would be in the United States’ best interest to focus more on the issue of Kim Jong-un rather than staying concerned on its main issues such as what theme should its upcoming party be. American people across the U.S are pissed.

Kim’s final words were censored due to North Korea’s damn laws, but many critics argue that it was only a publicity stunt. Some conspiracy theorists even claim that Kim faked his death to escape the Illuminati and expose the truth to American people. Low quality, amateur videos all over YouTube have surfaced during the time, informing people about the possible conspiracy. Some of these videos include images taken from Google and random Microsoft Paint arrows drawn to highlight leader Kim and unobvious triangle signs.

As a final act of kindness, fat-ass lord and savior, Kim, released his people from his gentle wing and let them go into the real world, the “eternal rice fields of North Korea”.

The entire population of North Korea was found dead later that week when U.S drones “accidentally” flew over the country.