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Tuesday, February 28, 2012

It was February 7, 2012 - 3 weeks ago from today that I got a blood test to see if I was born with Klinefelter's Syndrom, XXY.

My entire life I've felt that my body was a bit different than most boys. I remember a specific instance playing basketball and a teammate ran by me on the court after I made a shot and he slapped my ass. Then he said, damn dude! You got a chick's ass. At that very moment it was kind of funny yet embarrassing because I knew that I did have a feminine butt. Then when I started getting more involved with kink at 18 and 19 and playing with different women they would always comment on how feminine my body was. Lots of people are in shock at how non-masculine my butt is. I've come to love my body, my butt etc. I've always liked my body but knew it was different. Last Thursday I shot with Jessica Temptress for the first time. As I was walking off the set in high heeled boots and a mini skirt showing off my ass she shouts, "You have the best ass I've ever seen on a guy!". My ass and body definitely comes in handy when I'm in woman mode, that's for sure!

So, I got tested on the 7th and they took 2 valves of blood. Although, the lady mentioned they only need 1. About a week later the doctor calls me and says, I got one of your blood valves back but there is no paperwork with it which is odd. He's like I'm not sure what this means except that you might not be XXY. He says, he'll get back to me. About 5 days later the doctor calls me again and says, never mind what I told you before, they didn't run that valve of blood. He then tells me he got the tested valve back with paperwork and that I WAS born with Klinefelter's - XXY.

So what does that all mean?

Some doctors argue if that technically means you were born intersexed but more doctors say it does mean that. I feel as if I am intersexed because I have more female physical traits than I do masculine. I am at risk for some female health risks that men aren't like osteoporosis and breast cancer and yet I have some male traits like a deeper voice, cock and balls, and I've lived my life as a male for 25 years now.

I actually responded differently that I thought I would when I got the results. I've thought I've been born XXY for about 4 years now but I wasn't 100% sure. Now that I know I am it's a bit strange to know that you weren't born 100% male or 100% female. The question that comes to mind at first is, what am I?
After coming back down to earth, and asking myself that question the answer is, I am me. I am happy with myself, always have been. I'm able to transcend gender boundaries when ever I want to. I'm able to fit into both gender roles when ever I want to. In a strange way I'm more well rounded. I tend to see things differently than many people and if I must say so myself, I'm one pretty good looking man and one fucking sexy girl! The best of both worlds as it stands.

I meet with some doctors March 7th to talk more about Klinefelter's and what I want to do from here. Some people choose to take testosterone to boost their energy, muscle growth, body hair, facial hair, and for some orgasmic purposes. Some, although many fewer choose to live as a woman and take estrogen, and get a sex change. Some choose neither option and don't take any medication and live the way they are. Right now, I'm the 3rd option. I know that I don't want to take testosterone but I've considered estrogen and a sex change. Right now, it's just remaining with who I am.
I'm not 100% about this but I've read a bit that there is a public fund for those born intersexed and wanting to get a sex change. I have to do more research....

I've gone to a group setting gender identity (Trans Group) here at Ohio University the past 2 weeks. It's been good. The first week I just listened to everyone else talk and here their stories. Last week I shared my new XXY news and we all discussed it. It is nice to just talk with others of all ages and backgrounds who can relate in some manner. I am the only one in the group who is XXY but there are MtF, FtM, Gender Queers and more in the group so it's been good to meet some others in the Athens, area.

I'll keep everyone updated on the XXY thing, especially after meeting with doctors March 7th. 1 out of every 500 males (approximate) are born with Klinefelter's. It's common yet still very un-common and unknown to most the public. This is what it has done to me physically:

Other Things: (This is personal to me)
1. I took speech classes as a kid for about 5 years in pre-school through early Elementary. (This is a sign)
2. When I began to masturbate (age 7-ish) I began like a woman. Not using my cock but rubbing of pelvic bone area. I can still do this today.
3. At puberty testosterone kicked in a bit but I plateaued at about 15,16 and never matured into what a boy would be.

The first 2 are custom videos I made for a client.
I shot with Jessica Temptress as I mentioned above. She's out of Columbus and was fun to work with. She brought a good array of things to the shoot and we got some great stuff. We shot a kidnapping scene starting with me in the trunk of a car. Then into the woods for some beating, trampling, and strap-on. Eventually I was fucked on the car as well and then left half naked and feminized in the woods.

Then in our next shoot I was a high paid, big-headed actor who was playing a female role in a movie. The director and I got into an argument over nudity and she takes advantage of me. Strap-on in several positions, barehand spankings, slapping and more. Plus, upside down cuming due to all the humiliation.

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I was in Chicago for an interview and then shot with a long time friend that goes all the way back to my early Miss Jaded days. So it was fun to shoot with her - Alexandra Sadista as well as Natalya Sadici It was actually my first time meeting Natalya even though we've known of each other for awhile. Unfortunately, we didn't shoot quite as much as we wanted due to time restraints however, we were productive and it was fun.

I was feminized in lingerie and then forcefully had red lipstick applied to my lips. I was put into bondage and orally trained by a 9 inch - thick dildo. I was made to kiss it, lick it, and suck it. Then I was forced to deep throat it ALL THE WAY DOWN - Upside down. It was difficult but as we all know, I enjoy being a good slut!

Then on Monday I drove back home to Athens, Ohio. But, to make things more fun and of course to save time :) when I first stopped for gas in northern Indiana I took one of my thick & crinkly ABUniverse diapers into the bathroom stall with me. I put it on nice and tight and wet it as I ordered Arby's. I had another 6 hours of driving to do and wet it 2 more times by the time I arrived home. It was nice - "warm" trip.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

So last week Thursday I met with the head guy of the GLBT department. We talked for about an hour and I gave him the whole story of my thoughts on transitioning. How I've thought about it for most my life and how had taken hormones briefly in the past. We also talked about my involvement in the kinky world and how it has provided an outlet for me over the years. It was a really good conversation actually and then he connected me with this other lady to meet.

Yesterday, I met with this other lady. She is a psycho therapist/counselor that specifically works with the transgender community, especially here in Athens. I also met her graduate assistant who is F2M. We also talked for an hour and got a bit more specific. They run a transgender/gender identity disorder group here in Athens through Ohio University. There are about 15 members and each person must be approved to get into the group. It's like a secret world and you need to have the password to get in - lol.
Things went well and so I'm going to be meeting with this group once a week. The meeting is actually tonight and so I'm looking forward to it.

I've never been to something like this and I'm just really interested to see how it works. It will be nice to just be around some other people that share some similar thoughts and experiences. It will definitely be a learning experience. No matter what I decide I think this will be good to be a part of.

I haven't received my results back yet on the Klinefelter's test. I should within about a week or so now.

If you are friends with me on Fetlife you may have notice that I added a new picture of me dressed up from Sunday night. I decided to try and do something a little different with my hair and do some natural makeup and just get dressed up. I also mentioned on that picture that I would be adding some additional pictures in my blog so I'm going to do that.

If you have Fetlife and are not my friend or you don't have Fetlife then you should make a profile and then you can add me there as well. Here is my profile name and link.

Next week I'm going to be shooting some custom videos. I'm going to be working with Jessica Temptress out of Columbus, Ohio. This will be my first time shooting with her. We've talked about a few things and it should be a fun shoot. I have an entire house to use offset in the woods so we can do lots of dirty things. This is also going to include a shoot outdoors. These will also be added to my clips4sale.com store.

I also added a new clip to my clips4sale store the other night. You can click on the top right hand side of my blog that has my clips4sale listed or you can click on this link here - AEB KINK - Clips4sale

The newest clip is called - TG Morgan Strips & Plays with Herself
I was dressed up all day Sunday and then decided to get myself off and share with everyone. Watch me strip, touch/play with myself, fuck myself with a dildo and have an explosive orgasm.

The Pictures are below from when I was dressed up and just having fun with my webcam.

Also, I'm going to be in Chicago Feb 24th and 25th (Next weekend Friday and Saturday) as I have an interview. Also my boy Adrian who owns Justice Tattoo Studio - Chicago is going to hopefully hook me up with a portrait tattoo of my grandma. He's also known my grandma for about 15 years and my grandma to me has been like a mother. I've lived with her for nearly 10 years of my life. She turns 79 in April and is currently in the hospital recovering from surgery where she had a tumor removed from her Kidney. All in all it's looking pretty good like she will come through and be back to her normal self soon enough - :).

On a good note. This weekend I get to see Big Krit (rapper, producer, beat maker) perform in Athens for black history month. I'm on the floor, row G and I'm pumped. I love and respect this artists and he definitely represents hip hop well.

Here are the pictures and make sure to check out my Clips4sale for the hot video.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

I've noted a few times through this blog that I considered transitioning, M2F in the past. I considered it so much that I saw a doctor, a counselor and took hormones for 6 or 8 weeks. I don't specifically recall the exact amount of weeks. I started hormones in mid December 2009 and then stopped after a few injections. So its been a little over 2 years since I had stopped taking injections.

A Little History:

Like many I've been cross-dressing since I was a child. At the same time I've been kinky since I was a child. All I knew was that both were not accepted by society. I have specific memories wanting to wear my sisters pink onesie instead of my blue one when I was about 5 and my sister was 12. When I could I would wear hers, even though it was big on me. At the same time when my grandfather was dieing I used to use some of his diapers, I was about 7. Then there was bondage and everything else that came with it.

As a child and as a teenager I always associated cross-dressing with kink/bdsm. Now these two things can be associated together but they can also be two completely different things. I learned how to masturbate "like a girl" by myself around the age or 7 or 8. I even tried to show one of my friends at the time and now look back embarrassed and always wondered if he recalled that night. As a teenager I always wore my sisters clothes. I would wear my girlfriends clothes, other girls clothes and when I got a job at 15 I began to buy my own girl clothes. At times it was sexual but many other times it wasn't. The older I've gotten the less sexual it has become.

More Recent:

I'm extremely kinky. There is no changing that, in fact I love that. With that said so many of my personal fantasies first involve me being in a "girl form" first and then the kink fantasy on top of that. I believe it was my sophomore year of college when I was at Columbia College Chicago and a teacher was talking about Klinefelter's Syndrome. I had no idea what it was, except that everything the teacher mentioned about it sounded just like my body. So I did some additional research and well I immediately thought that I could very well have it. Let me name some of the symptoms of being born XXY.

- Little to no body hair
- Little to no facial hair
- Small feet for your height
- Small hands for your height
- Often can be tall
- Can put on weight like a woman (Hips, thighs, butt)
- Small testicles (But has little effect on sex life)

- Also may have learning problems as a child
- Only 10% of guys have small natural breast growth.

Well, how do I fit in to all of this.
I am 6'2, 6'3 tall and wear a size 9 or 10 in mens shoes. I have rather small hands, I have little body hair, I have no facial hair, I put on weight like a woman and I have VERY small testicles. I also had learning problems as a child & took extra speech classes for about 5 years as a young kid. (I'm fine now).

When I went to a doctor to start hormones I had my testosterone tested. It came back low, at 192. Guys testosterone should range from a little over 200 up to I believe 900. I didn't get tested for Klinefelter's because I didn't have insurance and it's a 800 dollar test.

Now:

Two days ago, Tuesday I went to the school health center & I have insurance through the school. I found out that the Klinefelter's test is covered by my insurance after the health center did some research for 2 hours as it's a rare thing to be tested, at least at this place. I had my blood drawn and I'll find out the results in about 10 days. Whether I actually have it or not won't really have an affect on me, I just wanted to know.

Last week this guy was presenting in my class on about joining the multicultural program. I had heard this speech twice last quarter in other classes so I wasn't really paying much attention. Then suddenly he says that he is a F2M Transgender man. The whole class was surprised that's for sure. For that same class everyone has to write a 8-10 page paper for our final on a issue that is present in today's society.
I chose to title my paper, "Transgender Transitions In The Modern Day". I contacted this guy who had presented, his name is Corey and the other day I interviewed him as a source for my paper.

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Lately, I've really been considering transitioning again. I'm meeting with a counselor here on campus who works with the GLBT community tomorrow (Friday). At worst, just to talk, just to talk through things. I've learned that this is a thought that won't every really leave me. I'm extremely happy with who I am. With being a boy. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm outgoing, fun, light hearted, easy to get along with and good with the women - :)
I'm not someone who gets depressed or has anxiety, in fact I'm just the opposite. But, because of this I feel that my decision to transition or not is more difficult. Would transitioning really be worth it? I'm happy, I just happen to actually feel that maybe I should transition. I'm actually confused and nervous just thinking about it.

My Fears:

1. Work - My profession. I've gone to college for 5 years now and I'm ready to begin my career, asap! If I transition I'm throwing a bit of a road block in my own path.
I think if I were to transition you would see me doing things for the GLBT community and be more involved in TG porn, kink etc.

2. A relationship. I've heard about the difficulties for TG's dating. With that said I would also have to adjust to being a "lesbian" because I'm attracted to women.

3. My height. Even though I know I pass pretty damn good already as a boy it's still an added fear.

5. Family and Friends. All my good friends know that I was on hormones previously. They all stood behind me. I told my grandma I was considering transitioning back then and she was ok with it. I didn't tell my mom but I did tell her I cross-dress and she said I don't want to think about my son doing that, but one I already knew and two I love you. My sister, doesn't know and I know she would not respond well at all! Plus she has 3 kids and I want to be a part of their lives.
All my family and friends know that I've been doing kinky porn and bdsm modeling and they are cool with it. In fact my mom gets a kick out of it. None the less it's still a natural concern.

6. Cost. To be honest I would want surgery rather soon in the process. Facial work and breasts within 1 year of transitioning and if possible be post-op within 2, 21/2 years. That's not cheap.

7. Voice. I know you can do voice training but it just seems like another hurdle to deal with.

Worth Noting:

If I were to transition I would want to fully transition. I would want to be a post-op and have a vagina. There is absolutely no question about that. In fact it's something I think about a lot more than any boy should.

Also, if I had more knowledge on transitioning as a teenager I know for a fact I would have began transitioning by the age of 18. I always associated cross-dressing and kink together and when I started to hear that people could change genders and about hormones I went to Walgreens to find these hormones. Only to learn that the herbal hormones don't do much. So I did want to transition even as a teenager but obviously I didn't because of lack of knowledge.

We'll see what happens. I don't want to be 30 and start transitioning. In fact, I won't be doing that. If I decide to transition it will be sooner than later. But, it's a big, big decision. I just want to be fair to myself and think it through thoroughly. Thinking about this does make me nervous, anxious and concerned. At the same time I'm excited and very unsure. So, hopefully I can talk with someone here at school and just work through my thoughts. See what the blood results come back as and figure out what's best for me.

Friday, February 3, 2012

I'm looking at trying to go to DC/Baltimore sometime in Feb. A friend of mine has let me use his car most of Jan. all the way to the first week of March. Long story short he has an extra car at the moment so he told me I could use his car. So, that means I should really make a trip to DC and get some Fetish work in. I feel like my crazy-hectic life has slowed down just a bit. I'm pretty much caught up in everything but still busy.
I might be doing some tutoring for management class that I took last year. It's a tough class about organizational behavior with a tough teacher yet he's an awesome teacher. I have him again this quarter for another class and he told me I could get paid to help out some students.

I've also have 3 interviews for an internship that I really want including discussing things with the CEO yesterday. So, we'll see if I got it or not by mid Feb. If I don't get it I'm leaning towards going to either Peru, New Zealand, or Australia for the summer to study abroad/intern abroad.
On top that, I'm doing a freelance account executive position selling advertising to local businesses for the school yearbook.

I just found out that Big K.R.I.T. is performing here at O.U. Feb. 18th. I'm so excited for this and tickets are dirt cheap because it's on campus. If you like hip hop he is a very diverse artist that is bring back passion, talent, lyricism with amazing beats to hip hop. He's from Mississippi & I am going to be at the show. Here is a link to a youtube song of his called, "As small as a giant".
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak_NOJVQoY4

I've also been putting up some of my own poetry - spoken word pieces on youtube. I've posted a piece called "Chi Town Script King" that is a fun, joking piece about my friends tattoo shop and him. Then I have a piece up called "Concept of Profit" which is a great piece and I just uploaded a new one called, "Natural". Here is the link to Natural...Http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uiTV9Toy1ak

Check it out! So you can see some of my other talents and passions. I love to write in pretty much all forms, blogs, papers, lyrics, poetry & more.

As for kink.... It's still a bit absent in my life at the moment. I went to college to better myself and just about all my efforts of late have been directed to school, internships, and applying to jobs. As I said, I'm trying to get out to DC to shoot some femdom and maybe take a few sessions but we'll see. Hopefully, I'll get some personal play in soon as well.

I was in Chicago this past weekend for a funeral. My brother-in-laws father died so me and my mother drove to Chicago for the services. It just so happened that my best friend was throwing a surprise birthday party for his girlfriend on Friday night and all the services were over by then. So I went up to Chicago to help him set things up and party. About 25 people showed up to hotel Sofitel to say, SURPRISE and do some pre-game drinking. We have a few cases of beer, jungle juice, whiskey, rum, Malibu, wine, port - a lot more than we needed. At midnight we went to the bar/club called "Mothers" because a friend of our's DJ's and hooked everyone up with $25 wrist bands from midnight to close. More friends showed up to say happy B-day and the night was going great. I was dancing all night! I love to dance if you don't know.
Then..... it started, the craziness.

Some of our friends got into a fight and got kicked out. I have no idea how I got back to the hotel or when I left. Then next thing I remember is puking into a red plastic cup being held by others and then puking in the toilet. Only to then have security guards pull me out of the bed that I was sleeping in at 6am. I guess in between all those blackout moments the 10 of us who made it back to the hotel destroyed the hotel. But, let me say at least I was sleeping while this occurred. Shattered picture frames, art knocked off walls, wine on walls and carpet, puke on carpet, confetti & food everywhere, blood on the wall and carpet. My friend andrew accidently got his cheek cut and ended up in the hospital getting stitches and the rest of us got kicked out at 6am. Too much alcohol turned us into rock stars. We got the hotel damage bill a few days later................ $2,100!
Oh! And did I mention we originally got the room cheap because of Jamal's father and his business. Jamal's father is Muslim and assumes Jamal and his sister don't drink, well that didn't go over well especially when his sister is only 19.
It was like the movie, "The Hangover".

Anyways, here are some pictures from that crazy night. Unfortunately we don't have any pictures of what it looked like when we got kicked out, only massive hang overs.

In 2012 I was featured in a short Documentary called, "Male Femdom" that was featured in several Film Festivals across the world including my college town of Athens, Ohio as well as the German Fetish Film Festival.