Sunday, December 14, 2008

Selita Ebanks used to date the Giants' Osi Umenyiora. That's all I need for inclusion (and to avoid running pictures of either Jessica Simpson, Sophia Bush, Carrie Underwood or any other woman either involved or rumored to be involved with Tony Romo.)

Sinorice Moss takes the kickoff out to the 27 yard line. Ward tries to run, doesn't get much as he's hit by Jay Ratliff, and there's a flag to boot -- oops, horse collar tackle on Ratliff. He learned from the best from Roy Safety Williams. Ahmad Bradshaw gets up to the 43 with his first carry. Manning gets four wide, hits Hixon at the G-men 49. Ward gets the first down as he crosses midfield. Terence Newman sneaks inside position on Hixon and picks Eli off -- and we get a quick shot of Manning Face.

Peyton's Manning Face is better, but Eli's is pretty amusing to see too.

So... is that the one that Osi used to... you know... errr... Drop the deuce on? - Rob in WI

Selita is too classy for that, thank you very much. (EW. EW. EW.) Pitch to Barber gets nothing. Romo aims for Roy Receiver Williams, and it's incomplete. Overthrew him again on 3rd down, and the Cowboys waste a turnover opportunity. McQuarters brings in the punt for a fair catch at the 11.

I gotta say it again: that Geico ad with the cash with eyes took a lot of acid to come up with. Ward doesn't get much on the first down carry. Another false start penalty, and Tom Coughlin looks like he wants to go all Sgt. Hartman on someone. Manning rolls out, hits Hixon on the run, and the wideout makes the marker for a first. Another Ward carry for maybe a yard. Manning to T.O.S.S. on a very good, very accurate throw for 19 yards to the 43. Ward up to the 45.

"And Manning goes down for a fifth time!" - Al

I haven't seen the Giants give up this many sacks in a game in a while -- and that's sack #6, and even more Manning Face.

Romo dumps it off to Witten, who heads up to the Dallas 42 while telling Giants CB Aaron Ross to get the hell out of his way. The Texas Stadium PA plays "Pretty Fly For A White Guy" by the Offspring after that, in a case of curious timing. Romo to T.O. on the short slant, and Owens slips while trying to cut back for the first and more. MB3 gets stuffed by the Giants' D-line on 3rd and 1. Punt goes out of bounds at the 9.

Fuck, I thought this game would have more offense. Manning goes to Bradshaw, who takes it for a first down up to the 25. John is talking about the food at Stubbs again as first down goes nowhere. Manning then overthrows Hixon again -- and Eli is sacked for the seventh time tonight.

All I want for Christmas is a Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Feagles punts to Crayton, who's tackled at his own 27.

I'm from Wisconsin... I'm a fat guy... even *I* say "Damn" to that sandwich. - Rob in WI

I had a heart attack just looking at it. Romo scrambles all over the place and hits Myles Austin at about midfield. He then hits Martellus Bennett in Giants territory.

"He looks like he could play any sport." - John, on the 6'7" Bennett

Tashard Choice gets to the outside and gets the first down. Romo gets a yard on the next carry, and is slow getting up as the third quarter ends.

If you live in an area with Carl's Jr, they're running really dumb ads for their Steak Sandwich, where this schlub dude tells his girlfriend they're going out for steak and she gets all dressed out. "It's how guys do fancy." I love commercials that sell their food to me by telling me all dudes are cheap schlubs.

Choice rambles on for 22 yards and another first down. He's a Rambling Wreck from Georgia Tech, probably not a hell of an engineer, but he's engineering this drive nicely. 1st and 10 at the Giants' 15. Justin Tuck stops up Choice's next rush. Romo to Witten, he gets to the outside by shaking off Antonio Pierce and he's down at about the 1 or 2. More Offspring. Did Witten pick that song to play after every play he makes? Handoff from the shotgun to Choice -- and he's short. Romo takes the next snap out of the I -- and he finds Dion Anderson wide open for the touchdown! Folk's XP is up and good, 14-3, Dallas.

Draw play out of shotgun on 1st and goal from the one???? Hello, Andy Reid! - Mal

(Giggles.) Ahmad Bradshaw jukes his way out to about the 27 with the kickoff.

Miller Lite: The beer equivalent of a fruitcake as a gift. - Rick James Bible Owner

3rd and 3 for the stalling Giants' offense. Toomer gets the catch at about the 39 yard line for a first down. Bradshaw runs the draw play from the shotgun up to the Giants' 47. Mario Manningham makes his first catch of the game, but he's tackled immediately for a loss. And that 3rd and 4 will become 3rd and 9 after a false start penalty. Manning's throw to T.O.S.S. is incomplete, knocked away by the Dallas corner.

"Winning is a great deodorant, isn't it?" - Al, as they show T.O., Romo, and Witten tracked by War's "Why Can't We Be Friends?"

Hmmm....Romo gets sacked in the end zone. EVERYBODY DO THE SAFETY DANCE! 14-5, Dallas. Romo would, but he can't get up right now. Oh, and they play Men Without Hats? Awesome.

It's like Willow on acid or something. Giants take the kick to the 40, Manning then hits Hixon at the Dallas 41. Ward rushes all the way up to the 28 yard line. No-huddle fun. No luck with the aim for Toomer on first down. Manning aims for Hixon in the end zone, and he can't make the one-handed grab. Where's David Tyree when you need him? Manning's third down throw is incomplete as he's rushed by Brady James coming after him. Carney's FG from 47 is good, 14-8, Dallas.

I've seen the trailer for Seven Pounds dozens of times now and I still don't have a whole lot of an idea of what it's about.

Madden is like Grandpa Simpson in that he tells stories that don't go anywhere. - Walnuts

Now get off his lawn! Austin takes the kick out to the 34 yard line. Choice's 9 yard run is negated by holding on Martellus Bennett. Pass attempt is incomplete as the receiver drops it thanks to a Giants' hit. Choice gets nearly all of those 20 yards back on a nice run into a hole on the right side. MB3 rumbles out to midfield for the first down.

Another rush by Choice, then Witten gets flagged for holding on the next one. Choice gets 14 of it back on 2nd and 23. Giants will use their last time out. Romo goes for Witten, he stretches and leans for the first down at the Giants 38. Shotgun draw to Choice --- AND HE BREAKS FREE FOR THE TOUCHDOWN!

Manning gets sacked for the 8th time, the third time by DeMarcus Ware, I think. Bradshaw takes it up to the 30. Eli then overthrows Amani Toomer, who has been completely benign to the Cowboys defense all night. Manning then hits Toomer, and Jerry Jones' face is melting.

"Sweetness and light." - Al.

Time's gonna run out on us soon, and on the Giants too. Terence Newman gets his second pick of the night as Manning just aired it out. That'll do it, Cowboys win 20-8, and it sets up a game between the Panthers and Giants next Sunday to determine home-field advantage in the NFC playoffs -- and that'll be next Sunday night. See you then, folks!

Carolina? I just wasn't impressed... next week is going to tell us what the Super Bowl will be, I think, with the Pitt/Tenn & NYG/Carolina games basically being for home field in the championship games.

Not to put a stop to the TO bashing, but wasn't it reported that it was Witten who leaked all the practice shenanigans to the press this week? Didn't he kind of invite the spotlight he allegedly dislikes?

@S2N. It's not that, IMHO with the Eagles, it's just that the Phillies do worse in the fan-hating department. Take a look at how the whole World Series celebration parade was handled. You had to have a ticket to get in, and people were getting in on there, and scalpers sold tickets that were supposed to be free on eBay for $50. Each.

I guarantee you the next time there's some parade, it starts in South Philly and ends at the steps of the Art Museum.

As for the fruitcake line, RJBO, there's a difference between Miller Lite and fruitcake. Miller Lite has great taste and less filling. Fruitcake is the gift that keeps givng and regiving and regiving...

Oh wow, homoeroticism with Al and John talking about Barber "not being able to get out of bed for 2 days", tightening up, taking shots, not being able to walk, being sore, and all that, and for almost a minute straight. I wish I could have memorized it word for word, as it was that great.

"John, they MORPHED into The Good Ship Lollipop!"-Michaels, still not making any sense. Oh, and great job appealing to the kids with the Shirley Temple references, Al; I think you need to stick to drinking Shirley Temple's

It's not just Charlotte vs. New Jersey for home field next week, we also get Jim Nance and Phils sims calling Pittsburg and Nashville for the AFC crown! what a fortuitous set of matchups so late in the season.