Ask a Clemente 2/18/11

5:37:00 AMPaul Clemente

Kris F., Pittsburgh PA asks: 1. "If you could be any muppet who would you be or who would you combine?"

Borkeep!

Paul: I would combine the Swedish Chef and Beeker. The Swedish Chef has the killer instinct, dexterous hands, and knowledge of knives. Beaker is the ultimate right hand man, he does what you ask him to, and is seemingly impervious to damage. Together they would make the perfect killing machine, plus the sounds they would make would be unreal.

Ian: At first, I was going to request to combine Fozzie and Woody Allen into my DNA, perhaps imbuing me with the gift of quick timing and sharp wit I try so desperately to exude, but somebody told me Woody Allen isn't a Muppet. While I doubt the validity of that objection, I still want to provide a completely bullet proof, air tight response. I would choose to be the conflation or transmogrification of Statler and Waldorf, thus making me the oldest crustiest, bitterest and wittiestHater in the entire universe.

Lisa C., Frewsburg NY asks - "What really makes you tick?"

Paul: Eating clocks. No seriously. Here is a detailed chart:

Ian: What makes me tick is cities with made up names like "Frewsburg".

George C., Osan Kyongii-Do, Korea asks - "What kind of inside deal can I get on a Camry?"

Ian: My my my, you'd think people would learn by now to conduct themselves... ahem! conduct themselves, comport themselves with some discretion, y'know, on the up n up, as it were.

But, if you insist...

one for no, two for yes--

I can get you a three of a kind inside this deal on this camry. That's about all I can do for you. If you don't believe me, ask this man...

Sean H., Crafton PA asks: " can u define the term "Boosh?"

Paul: The Term was adapted from the Adult Swim show Frisky Dingo, where it can be used in a variety of ways.

Please take notice of the following video:

As you can tell BOOSH can be used as an interjection. EX: So John was walking in the parking lot and slipped on ice, Boosh! After using BOOSHcomfortably it should become a phrase exemplifying Happiness, Excitement, or Success.

BOOSH can also be used as an adjective. EX: So I told the store clerk 4 quarters do make a dollar! The I was like, Boosh!

BOOSH is also used as an immediate additive to a suggestive phrase or story. It has quickly replaced the phrase "That's what she said" although it can follow the aforementioned phrase functioning as a suffix. EX: Yeah, she said she needs something long to fit in the rear. (to follow immediatly) Boosh. or "Yeah, she said she needs something long to fit in the rear." "That's what she said" "Boosh" Also BOOSH can be used to describe something being humiliated, defiled, or destroyed.

BOOSH!

Now that you know how, and when to use the word BOOSH, please feel free to use it when it feels natural. It will make you a better person in society, I promise.

Ian: Once again, Paul has egg all over his post. He's failed to do his research, showing a blatant lack of respect for our noble Chux Chasers. Please allow me to clarify this glaring error of omission, as it's my mission.

The word boosh can be traced back to a misappropriation of the Old Norse term book (pron. əɔ˞儿ɻ), an almost perfect past tense conjugation of blrkrk meaning, roughly, "roughly." Sorry, but the exact meaning gets lost in translation. Of course, cunning linguists often dispute this story of origin, and it's alternately been traced back to latinate roots, as a conflation, or portmantau, of the words ambustio and scruta, meaning in the parlance of the plebians, "You got burned sucka!"