She passed five straight days sitting in front of
the TV. The hospitals and banks collapsed, the shopping arcade was on fire, the
trains and the highways were closed down, and she just stared silently at the
TV. Sunk deeply into the sofa with her lips pressed tightly together, she made
no response as Komura spoke to her. She didnft even nod or shake her head. It
was impossible to determine whether or not Komurafs voice even reached her
ears.
Komurafs wife was from Yamagata and had no family or friends in Kobe so
far as he knew. In spite of that, she didnft budge from in front of the TV from
morning to night. Judging by appearances, she didnft get up to eat or drink. She
didnft even go to the bathroom. Aside from changing the channel with the remote
control once in a while, she didnft move a muscle.
Making his own toast and
drinking his coffee alone, Komura headed off to work. When he came home in the
evening, his wife was just as he left her in the morning, sitting in front of
the TV. Having no other choice, he searched the refrigerator and fixed himself a
simple dinner. When he went off to bed, his wife was still there watching the
late-night news. The walls hemmed them in silently. After a while, he didnft
even hear the voices anymore.
On the fifth day, a Sunday, when he returned
from work at the normal time, his wife had vanished.

Komura was a
salesman at an audio specialty shop in Akihabara. He sold mostly high-end
components, and earned commissions in addition to his salary. His clients were
mainly doctors, affluent businessmen, and other rich locals. Hefd been doing
this work for almost 8 years, and from the beginning the pay wasnft bad. The
economy was thriving, land prices were rising, and money percolated throughout
Japan. Everybodyfs wallets were stuffed with 10,000-yen bills, and it seemed
like they were all looking for ways to spend them. He was selling top-quality
stuff left and right.
Tall and slender, and always impeccably dressed, we
were good with people, and had done quite well with the girls in his single
days. But at 26 he had gotten married, and his desire for sexual thrills had
vanished to an almost alarming degree. For five years after he got married, he
didnft sleep with a single girl other than his wife. It wasnft that he didnft
have chances. Passing relationships with girls he barely knew just didnft hold
his interest much anymore. From then on, he always returned home from work right
away, had a leisurely dinner with his wife, the two of them sat on the couch and
talked, and then they rolled around in bed together. This was all he
wanted.
From the time of his marriage, Komurafs friends and colleagues looked
askance at this change. Compared to his fine features and noble bearing, his
wife was nothing special. And aside from her looks, she wasnft particularly
charming sexually either. She was taciturn and always had a disagreeable
expression on her face. She was short, she had fat arms, and all in all there
was something bovine about her.
But Komura, not really knowing the reason why
himself, loved nothing more than the carefree, easy existence he had when he was
together with his wife under one roof. He enjoyed being able to sleep peacefully
at night. He was no longer plagued with the strange dreams that he used to have.
His erections were hard, and their sex was intimate. He had no anxieties about
death or venereal disease or the breadth of outer space.
But his wife was
another story. She hated the cramped Tokyo lifestyle, and longed to return to
her hometown in Yamagata. She missed her parents and her two older sisters
dreadfully, and this feeling was heightened every time she visited home alone.
Her family ran a successful ryokan, and her father doted on his youngest
daughter to the extent that he gladly sent her money to cover the costs of her
visits. Komura had returned home from work many times before to find a note from
his wife on the kitchen table, explaining that she had gone back to Yamagata for
a while. He never voiced any complaints about this. He just waited silently for
his wife to come back. She would return after a week or ten days, her spirits
noticeably improved.

But when she left on the fifth day after the
earthquake, the letter that she left read gI am not planning to come back here
again.h The reason why she didnft want to live there together with Komura
anymore was noted briefly but distinctly.
The problem is, you never give me
anything, his wife wrote. To put it more plainly, there is nothing in you that
you could give to me. Youfre pleasant and kind and handsome, but living with you
is like living with clotted air. Of course this isnft your fault alone. Ifm sure
there are plenty of women who would like you well enough. Please donft try to
call me. Dispose of whatever things Ifve left behind as you see fit.
She had
hardly left anything behind, though. Her clothes and shoes and umbrella and
coffee maker and hair dryer were all gone. It would seem that after Komura went
to work, she packed up all her things and sent them off by UPS or something. The
only remaining of gher thingsh were a bike she used for shopping and a few
paperbacks. All the Beatles and Bill Evans albums had disappeared from the CD
rack, leaving only Komurafs collection from his single days.
The next day,
Komura called his wifefs familyfs home in Yamagata. Her mother came on the line
and said that his wife didnft want to talk to him. She used a very formal tone
with Komura. Wefll send the necessary papers later. Please sign them and return
them as quickly as possible.
Since this is a very important matter, Ifd like
to think about it a little first, Komura said.
gNo matter how much you think
about it, it wonft change anything,h she said.
Thatfs probably true, Komura
thought to himself. However long I wait, and however much I think about it,
things will never return to the way they were. This he understood all too
well.

Shortly after he had signed and returned the papers, Komura took a
week off from work. Having heard something about the situation, and February
generally being a slow time of year anyway, his boss approved it without
protest. His expression said that he wanted to say something, but he
didnft.
gKomura-san, I hear youfre taking a vacation. What are you going to
do?h Sasaki, one of his colleagues, asked him during lunch break.
gI havenft
decided yet.h
Sasaki was about three years younger than Komura, and still
single. He was shortish, had closely-cropped hair, and wore glasses with round
metal frames. He talked a lot, had a big nose, and quite a number of people
disliked him, but Komura, with his laid-back disposition, had never had a
problem with him.
gYoufre about due for a nice relaxing trip somewhere, donft
you think?h
gYeah,h Komura said.
Sasaki wiped the lenses of his glasses
with his handkerchief, and then looked closely at Komura to see how things
stood.
gHave you ever been to Hokkaido before?h
gNo,h Komura
replied.
gDo you want to go?h
gWhy?h
Sasaki narrowed his eyes, and
coughed. gWell, to make it plain, I have this little package that I need to get
to Kushiro, and I thought that it would be great if you could take it for me. If
you can do this, there would be a round-trip ticket in it for you. Ifd also take
care of arrangements for your accommodation.h
gA small package?h
gAbout
this size,h Sasaki said, making a box about ten centimeters on each side with
the fingers of both his hands. gIt isnft heavy at all.h
gIs it
work-related?h
Sasaki shook his head. gIt is totally unrelated to work. A
100% personal matter. Ifm afraid that if I ship it by mail or UPS or something,
it will suffer from rough handling, so I thought that if possible, it would be
best if I could get somebody I know to take it there personally. Ifd do it
myself, but I donft have the time to go all the way to Hokkaido.h
gIs it
something important?h
Sasaki curled his lips, and then nodded. gBut itfs not
fragile, nor is it dangerous, so there is no cause for concern. Itfll be fine
with the rest of your luggage. You donft need to worry about getting stopped at
an inspection station either. It will cause you no problems at all. I donft want
to send it through the regular mail just for my own peace of mind.
It
certainly was very cold in Hokkaido in February. But as far as Komura was
concerned, either hot or cold was fine.
gSo who will I give the package
to?h
gMy little sister lives there.h
Komura hadnft given any thought at
all as to how he would spend his vacation, and making plans himself was a pain,
so he decided to take up Sasakifs offer. He had no reason not to want to go to
Hokkaido. Sasaki called an airline and made a reservation for a seat on a
Kushiro-bound plane. It was for two days later.
The next day at work, Sasaki
handed Komura a small box wrapped in brown paper. From handling it, it seemed to
be made of wood. Just as Sasaki had said, it weighed almost nothing. Over the
paper, it had been wrapped repeatedly with thick, clear packing tape. Taking it
in hand, Komura stared at it for a second. He tried shaking it lightly, but
nothing happened, and there was no sound.
gMy sister will go to the airport
to meet you. Your accommodations have also been taken care of, of course,h
Sasaki said. gPlease stand at the gate with the box in your hands in plain view.
And donft worry. Airports like that one arenft very big.h

When he left
his house, he wrapped the box in a heavy shirt, and stuck it deep in his bag.
The plane was much more crowded than he had expected. What in the world are all
of these people doing, going from Tokyo to Kushiro in the middle of winter,
Komura wondered, turning his head.
The newspaper was filled with stories
about the earthquake as usual. Sitting in his seat, he looked over every inch of
the morning paper. Since power and water service were still off in many places,
a lot of people were homeless. The miserable plights of thousands of people were
spread out before him. But to Komurafs eyes, all of those details were strangely
flat and lifeless, and had no depth. All of the tones were dull and far away.
The only thing he could think seriously about was the ever-increasing distance
between him and his wife.
He would look at the newspaper stories
mechanically for a while, and then hefd think about his wife, and then return to
the newspaper stories again. Wearying of both his wife and the small print in
the newspaper, he closed his eyes and fell asleep for a little while. When he
awoke, he started thinking about his wife again. Why was she always watching the
news reports about the earthquake like that, so seriously, morning to night,
without eating or sleeping? What in the world did she see there?

Two
young women wearing overcoats of identical color and design called out to Komura
when he got off the plane. One was very pale, about 5f 7h, and had short hair.
From her nose to her swollen upper lip, she looked strangely slow-witted, giving
the impression of a short-hair ungulate. The other one was about 5f 2g, and with
the exception of her nose, which was much too small for her face, she was not a
bad looking girl. Her hair was shoulder-length and straight. Her ears stuck out
slightly, and she had two moles on her right earlobe. Her ears were pierced,
which made the moles very noticeable. Both girls looked to be in their
mid-twenties. They escorted Komura to a coffee shop in the airport.
gMy name
is Keiko Sasaki,h the taller one said. gThis is my friend Shimao.h
gNice to
meet you,h said Komura.
gHi,h Shimao said.
gI heard from my brother that
your wife passed away recently,h Keiko said meekly.
gNo, shefs not dead,h
Komura corrected her after a moments pause.
gBut Ifm sure thatfs what my
brother said when I spoke to him on the phone the other day. eMr. Komurafs wife
just passed away.fh
gNo, wefre just divorced. Shefs still alive, so far as I
know.h
gHow very strange. I canft imagine mistaking something so
important.h
A pained expression passed across her face as if her mistake had
hurt her personally. Komura added a little sugar to his coffee, stirring it
quietly with a spoon. Then he drank it in one gulp. It was thin and didnft have
any flavor. The coffee didnft have any substance itself, but acted as a sort of
signal. What in the world am I doing here, Komura puzzled to himself.
gBut I
must have mis-heard. I canft think of any other explanation,h Keiko said,
regaining her composure. Then she took a deep breath and exhaled lightly through
her lips. gIfm sorry. That was very impolite of me.h
gDonft worry about it.
They might as well be the same thing.h
While the two of them were talking,
Shimao smiled slightly, looking silently at Komurafs face. It was almost as if
she was smitten with him. From his expression and body language, it seemed that
he was aware of this too. The three of them sat there silently for a
moment.
gWell, first things first. Ifll give you the package,h Komura finally
said. He opened the zipper of his bag and extracted the parcel from inside the
thick skiing shirt. I should have had it in my hands the whole time, Komura
thought to himself. That was the sign. I wonder why they know so much about
me?
Stretching out her arms, Keiko accepted the package on the table top, and
gazed at it blankly for a while. Then she tested the weight, and just like
Komura had, held it next to her ear and shook it a few times. She smiled at
Komura, as if to show that everything was fine, and then stuffed the box in her
large shoulder bag.
gI have to make a phone call. Will you excuse me a
moment?h Keiko said.
gYes, of course. Go ahead,h Komura replied.
Pulling
the bag up onto her shoulder, Keiko walked over to a distant telephone booth.
Komura followed her with his eyes for a while. Fixated on her upper half, she
seemed to glide machine-like from the waist down. As he watched her peculiar
manner of walking, he became strangely aware of some scene from the past worming
its way into his mind.
gHave you ever been to Hokkaido before?h Shimao asked
him.
Komura shook his head.
gItfs really far away, huh?h
Komura
nodded. Then he looked around. gBut being here, like this, I donft really feel
like Ifve come from far away at all. Itfs strange.h
gThatfs because of the
plane. Itfs too fast,h Shimao said. gEven though your body is moving, you hardly
realize it.h
gI guess thatfs it.h
gDid you want to get far away?h
gI
suppose.h
gBecause of your wife?h
Komura nodded.
gBut no matter how far
you go, you can never run away from yourself,h Shimao said. Staring distractedly
at the sugar jar that sat on top of the table, Komura looked up at the girlfs
face.
gYeah, youfre right. Thatfs true. No matter how far I go, I can never
escape myself. Just like my shadow. It will always come too.h
gYou really
loved your wife, didnft you?h
Komura evaded the question. gSo youfre Keikofs
friend?h
gYeah. Wefre partners.h
gWhat kind of partners?h
gAre you
hungry?h Shimao said, not answering but replying with another question.
gI
donft know,h Komura said. I kind of feel like Ifm hungry, but I kind of
donft.h
gThe three of us ought to go get something hot to eat. If we eat
something warm, wefll all feel a lot more at ease.h

Shimao drove. The car
was a little four wheel drive Subaru. Judging by its condition, it must have had
about 160,000 miles on it. There was a big dent in the rear bumper. Keiko rode
in the passenger seat, and Komura sat in the tiny back seat. Shimao wasnft a bad
driver, but the noise in the back was deafening, and the suspension was fairly
poor. The automatic transmission jolted, and the air conditioner only worked
intermittently. If you closed your eyes, it gave you the distinct impression
that someone had put you in a fully automatic washing machine.
No snow had
accumulated at Kushiro. There were just forlorn mounds of dirty slush on either
side of the road, like words that had lost their purpose. The clouds were coming
in low and, although the sunset still showed through a small gap, it was almost
completely dark. The wind pierced the darkness with a sharp whistling sound.
There was almost no one walking on the street. In this desolate landscape,
everything appeared frozen except the traffic signal.
gThis is one of the few
places in Hokkaido where hardly any snow accumulates,h Keiko said in a loud
voice, turning around. gSince wefre close to the coast and the wind is so
strong, most of it blows right by. But it does get unbelievably cold. So cold it
will take your ears off.h
gDrunks who fall asleep in the road are always
freezing to death,h Shimao said.
gAre there bears around here?h Komura
asked.
Keiko turned to Shimao and laughed. gDid you hear that?
eBears.fh
Shimao also tittered.
gI really donft know much about Hokkaido,h
Komura said as if to excuse himself.
gTherefs one interesting story about
bears around here,h Keiko said. gWouldnft you say?h
gIncredibly interesting,h
Shimao agreed.
The conversation stopped there, however, and they didnft say
what was so interesting about bears. Komura didnft ask either. Before long, they
came to their destination. There was a big ramen shop by the side of the
highway. They left the car in the parking lot and the three of them went into
the shop. Komura had a beer and a hot bowl of ramen. The shop was dirty and
deserted, and the tables and chairs were about to fall apart, but the ramen was
really good, and after he had finished eating he felt much more relaxed.
gIs
there anything in particular that you want to do while youfre in Hokkaido?h
Keiko asked him. gI hear that youfll be here for about a week.h
Komura
thought about this for a little while, but he didnft come up with
anything.
gHow about an onsen? Do you like going to spas? Therefs a small,
country onsen nearby.h
gThat doesnft sound bad,h Komura said.
gIfm sure
youfll like it. Itfs a nice place. And there arenft any bears.h
The two girls
looked at each other and laughed that funny laugh again.
gIs it O.K. if I ask
you something about your wife?h Keiko asked.
gGo ahead.h
gWhen did she
leave?h
gIt was five days after the earthquake, so it must have been more
than two weeks ago now.h
gWas it somehow related to the
earthquake?h
Komura shook his head. gI donft think so.h
gIn spite of that,
I wonder whether they are somehow connected,h Shimao said, tilting her head
slightly.
gIn a way unknown to you,h Keiko added.
gThere are things like
that,h Shimao said.
gThere are things like what?h Komura asked.
gLook,h
Keiko said. gI knew somebody who had something like that happen to him.h
gYou
mean Seiki?h Shimao asked.
gYeah,h Keiko said. gThere is this guy named
Seiki. Hefs about 40, lives in Kushiro, and is a barber. This guyfs wife saw a
UFO last fall. She was driving her car all alone on the outskirts of town in the
middle of the night when she saw this huge UFO land in the middle of a field.
Boom! Just like eClose Encounters.f A week after that, she walked out. They had
never had any problems at home or anything. She just disappeared and never came
back.h
gJust like that,h Shimao said.
gBecause of the UFO?h Komura
asked.
gI donft know why. Then one day, without leaving a note, her two
elementary school-age children went somewhere,h Keiko said. For the whole week
before they left, the only thing they would talk about with anyone they saw was
this UFO. Almost completely non-stop. Itfs size, how clean it was, that kind of
thing.h
What they were saying finally sunk into Komurafs head.
gIn my
case, there was a note,h Komura said. gAnd we donft have any children.h
gMaybe there is a better example than Seiki,h Keiko said.
gThe children
are important,h Shimao said, nodding.
gWhen she was seven, Shimaofs father
left home,h Keiko explained with a knitted brow. gHe ran off with her motherfs
sister.h
gJust suddenly one day,h Shimao said with a smile.
Silence
descended.
gI bet Seikifs wife didnft leave home, but was taken away by the
aliens in the UFO,h Komura said trying to smooth things over.
gThatfs a
possibility,h Shimao said gravely. gThatfs what a lot of people say.h
gOr
maybe she was eaten by a bear when she was walking down the street,h Keiko said.
The two girls laughed again.

When they left the store, the three of them
went to a nearby love hotel. Between the love hotel and a stone work studio that
made grave stones there was an alleyway, and Shimao pulled the car into it. The
love hotel was an odd building that had been made to look like a European-style
castle. Tri-corner red flags stood on top.
Keiko got the key from the front
desk, and the three of them took the elevator up to the room. The windows were
tiny, and the bed was ridiculously big. Komura took off his down jacket and hung
it on a hangar, and while he was in the bathroom doing his business, the two
girls adroitly drew water for the bath, adjusted the lights, checked the
thermostat, turned on the TV, examined the room-service menu, tested the
bed-side switch, and inspected the contents of the refrigerator.
gI know the
people who run this hotel,h Keiko said. gSo we got the biggest room available.
While itfs really a love hotel, it ought to be OK. Itfs OK, isnft it?h
Itfs
OK, Komura said.
gI think this is a much better idea than those tiny,
foul-smelling business hotels by the train station.h
gI guess so.h
gThe
bath is full, so why donft you get in it?h
Komura did as he was told. The
bath was so big as to make a person feel a little uncomfortable in it alone.
Probably all the people who come here take baths in pairs.
When he got out of
the bath, Keiko wasnft there. Shimao was drinking a beer and watching TV alone.
gKeiko had to go home. She had and errand so she excused herself. She said
she would come and meet you here tomorrow. Hey, I was wondering if itfs OK if I
stay here for a while and drink beer?h
Itfs OK, Komura said.
gI wonft
disturb you? You donft want to be alone or anything?h
You wonft disturb me,
Komura said. He opened a beer, and while he dried his hair with a towel, he
watched a TV show with Shimao. It was a special news report about the
earthquake. They kept repeating the same images as ever. The buildings leaning
over, the collapsed highways, the tears of an old woman, confused and
misdirected anger. When the commercials came, she switched off the TV with the
remote control.
gWhy donft we talk about something?h
gOK.h
gWhat
should we talk about?h
gThe bear you two were talking about in the car,h
Komura said. gThat interesting story about the bear.h
gYeah. The bear story,h
she agreed.
gYou donft mind telling it?h
gNot at all.h
Shimao got a new
beer out of the refrigerator and poured it in their glasses.
gItfs kind of a
dirty story. It wonft bother you, will it?h
Komura shook his
head.
gSometimes when I tell it some men get bothered by that.h
gIfm not
like that.h
gThis actually happened to me personally, so itfs kinda
embarrassing.h
gIf itfs OK with you Ifd like to hear it.h
gItfs OK with me
if itfs OK with you.h
gItfs fine with me.h
gOK. So, three years ago, when
I first started at junior college, I knew this guy. He was a college student,
one year older than me. This was the first guy I ever had sex with. We went
hiking together one time. This mountain way up north.h
Shimao took a sip of
her beer.
gSince it was fall, there were bears around. Bears gather their
food for the winter during the fall, so itfs pretty dangerous. Sometimes people
get attacked. Three days earlier, a hiker had been mauled, and was very
seriously injured. So the people there gave us bells to carry. These bells were
about the size of wind chimes. They said to ring the bells as we walked. Ding
ding. If we did this, the bears would know that there were people coming, and
wouldnft come out. See, bears donft really want to attack humans. While itfs
true they eat lots of different kinds of food, they concentrate mainly on
vegetables, and itfs almost never necessary for them to attack people--only when
they come across a human in their territory, which surprises them, which pisses
them off, so they attack defensively. So if you ring the bells--ding ding--while
you are walking, they will do their best to avoid you. Understand?h
gI
understand.h
gSo the two of us are walking up this mountain path ringing our
bells. Ding ding. As we are doing this, we come to a place where there is nobody
around, and he says suddenly that he wants to, umm, have sex with me. I wasnft
totally against the idea, so I said efinef. We went off the path a little ways,
and entered this thicket where no one could see us. We spread out a picnic
blanket. But I was still worried about the bears. Wouldnft it be terrible if, in
the middle of having sex, a bear attacked us from behind and killed us? That
would be an awful way to die. Donft you think?h
Komura concurred.
gSo we
took the bells in one hand and had sex, shaking the bells the whole time. All
the way from the beginning to the end. Going eding dingf.
gWho did the
shaking?h
gWe alternated. When one hand got tired, we would switch. When that
hand got tired, wefd switch again. It was really strange--having sex and ringing
these bells the whole time,h Shimao said. gEven now, sometimes when Ifm in bed
with someone itfll pop into my mind, and I just burst out laughing.h
Komura
laughed a little.
Shimao clapped her hands a couple times. gOh, thank god!
Mr. Komura is capable of laughter.h
gOf course,h Komura said. When he thought
about it, though, it had been quite a long time since he had laughed at
anything. When was the last time?
gHey, is it OK if I take a bath?h
gGo
ahead.h
While she was in the bath, Komura watched a comedian with a loud
voice, who was hosting a variety show on TV. It wasnft at all interesting, but
Komura couldnft tell whether this was the showfs fault or his own. He drank
another beer, and opened a packet of nuts from the refrigerator. Shimao was in
the bath for a long time, but finally emerged wearing nothing but a towel
wrapped around her, and sat down on the bed. She took off the towel, and climbed
cat-like in between the sheets. Then she looked Komura straight in the
face.
gSo, when was the last time you had sex with your wife?h
gThe end of
December of last year, I think.h
gNot since then?h
gNo.h
gAnd there
was no one else?h
Closing his eyes, Komura assented.
gItfs just my
opinion, but I think what you really need right now is a complete renewal of you
spirit, and to enjoy a more unaffected life,h Shimao said. gI mean, donft you
see? Tomorrow there could be an earthquake. Or aliens could take you away. Or
you could be eaten by a bear. Anything can happen, and nobody knows until it
does.h
gNo one knows until it does,h Komura repeated her words.
gDing
ding,h Shimao said.

They tried coupling a number of times, but after
repeated frustrations, Komura gave up. This was the first time this had ever
happened to him.
gYoufre thinking about your wife, arenft you?h Shimao
asked.
gYeah,h Komura said. But to tell the truth, the only things in
Komurafs head were images of the earthquake. Like a slide show, one would appear
and then vanish. Another would appear and then vanish. Highway, flames, smoke, a
mountain of rubble, cracks in the road. There was nothing he could do to disrupt
that noiseless stream of images.
Shimao lay her ear on Komurafs naked
chest.
gThere are just some things like that,h she said.
gYeah.h
gYou
shouldnft worry about it.h
gIfll try not to worry about it,h Komura
said.
gWhich means of course that youfll worry about it. Men being
men.h
Komura was silent.
Shimao pinched his nipple lightly. gYou said your
wife left a note for you, didnft you?h
gI did.h
gWhat did she say in
it?h
gShe said that living with me was like living with clotted
air.h
gClotted air?h Shimao said, craning her neck to look him in the face.
gWhat does that mean?h
gI think it means that therefs nothing inside.h
gThat you have nothing inside?h
gProbably so. But I donft really know,
though. I mean, what in the world does it mean to have nothing
inside?f
gYeah. And while youfre at it, what does it mean to have something
inside?h Shimao said. gMy mom loves to eat salmon skin, and she always says it
would be great if there were salmon that were just skin. So itfs like there are
also cases where having nothing inside is better. Right?h
Komura tried to
imagine a salmon made entirely of skin. But hypothetically, if it existed,
wouldnft itfs skin be exactly what was inside? When Komura took a deep breath,
the girlfs face rose up and then sunk down again.
gLook, I really donft know
whether youfve got anything inside or not, but youfre pretty cool. I think there
are lots of women all over the world who would like you if they got to know
you.h
gShe said that, too.h
gYour wife said that in the
note?h
gYeah.h
gHmm,h Shimao said peevishly. Then she lay her ear back
down on Komurafs chest. Her earrings felt like some secret foreign body.
gBy
the way, that box that I brought with me,h Komura said. gWhat was inside
it?h
gAre you concerned about it?h
gI wasnft worried about it until now.
But for some reason it just started to bother me.h
gWhen?h
gJust
now.h
gSuddenly?h
gI just noticed it, suddenly.h
gWhy did it start to
bother you all of a sudden like that?h
Komura stared at the ceiling and
thought for a moment. gWhy, I wonder?h
The two of them listened to the howl
of the wind for a little while. The wind was blowing right by, from some place
that Komura didnft know to some other place he didnft know.
gOh, that,h
Shimao said in low, conspiratorial voice. gThat was what used to be inside of
you in that box. Without knowing it, you brought it here yourself and gave it to
Keiko Sasaki with your own hands. So youfll never get your insides
back.h
Komura raised up his body and looked down at the girlfs face. The
small nose and the moles on her ears. In that deep silence, the sound of the
huge beats of his heart could be heard. As he bent his body, his joints creaked.
For one brief moment, Komura felt himself at the brink of some overwhelming
violence.
gThat was just a joke,h Shimao said when she saw Komurafs
complexion. gIt just popped into my mind, so I said it. It was a thoughtless
joke. Ifm sorry. Donft worry about it. I didnft mean to hurt you.h
His
spirits soothed, Komura looked around the room and then buried his head again in
the pillow. His eyes closed, he heaved a deep sigh. The vastness of the bed came
to him like the sea at night. The sound of the frozen wind could be heard. His
bones shook with the violent beats of his heart.
gDo you feel at all like
youfve come a long distance yet?h
gI feel like Ifve come quite a long way,h
Komura said frankly.
Shimao raised herself from Komurafs chest and drew a
complicated design with her fingers, as if she was casting a spell.
gBut
youfve only just begun,h she said.