DeviantArt: Popular Beta Match-Making Contesthttp://www.deviantart.com/contests/2013/betamatch/?order=9
DeviantArt RSS for boost:popular in:contests/2013/betamatchen-usCopyright 2015, DeviantArt.comSun, 02 Aug 2015 13:25:13 PDTDeviantArt.comhttp://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rsshttp://st.deviantart.net/minish/touch-icons/android-192.pngPortal: This Grey Pathhttp://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Grey-Path-380405169
http://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Grey-Path-380405169Mon, 24 Jun 2013 13:56:03 PDTPortal: This Grey Pathnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1iammemyselfhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/a/iammemyself.jpg?2Copyright 2013-2015 iammemyselfThis was written for `<a class="u" href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com">JZLobo</a>'s contest. I've been meaning to write it, but I'm in the middle of two other Portal fics and yeah, so much Portal! But then this started writing itself in my head, so I knew I had to start typing it out. In this contest, you have to submit your first draft, and when I write I'll write a chunk, reread it, fix it, write some more, go back to the top, reread it, fix it again, so on and so forth. So it took me six hours to write this, and it comes out to five pages in MS Word. Normally that'd take me one hour.<br /><br />This spans Doug Rattman's experience from the wakeup scene in Portal 2 to Test Chamber... 6? I forget. It's the one with Advanced Aerial Faith Plates, my favourite <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> See, the Rattman den in that chamber is really quite inaccessible. I really doubt there was a pile of portal guns lying around, if he was even in a state to use one, seeing as he got shot in the leg before he went into suspension, and judging from the locations of the two rooms previous, he was outside of the facility, and so couldn't have used the door to get into the room. So GLaDOS must have let him in.<br /><br />I believe that Exile Vilify is Doug changing his mind about GLaDOS, seeing that she's really stuck in a position she can't get out of, that she's limiting herself when she could be so much more. So I had him compose it on the computer you find in the second den and hack the radio to play it. I forgot to add that, actually. That I had him hacking the radio, I mean. He's using it to try to get through to her, because GLaDOS has a strange preoccupation with music, for a computer. <br /><br />Might be a bit confusing to some, but I really wanted to write something I could hold on par with my story <i>Sleep Mode</i>: a bit fancier, a bit more technical, something that invites more thought than fics usually do. Something I can look back on and say, did I write that? And I think I succeeded.<br /><br />The title comes from a Rattman quote in Portal: "Not in cruelty. Not in wrath. The REAPER came today. An ANGEL visited this gray path, and took the cube away." The grey path in this story is the road the characters walk in this game. Things that seemed clear suddenly become confusing, and no one is quite who you thought they were. They learn that even computers are made up of shades of grey.<br /><br />Sorry for the long explanation... kudos to you if you read it...This Grey Path<br /><br />Indiana<br /><br />Characters: GLaDOS, Douglas Rattmann, Chell (implied)<br /><br />Setting: Portal 2 - Chapter 4: The Return<br /><br />In an eternal instant, the world changed. &nbsp; <br />He knew of one reason, of just one reason, that explained why he would wake. &nbsp;Here, like this, in the middle of the once-proud cracked walls and shattered windows. &nbsp; <br />She was not awake, not yet. &nbsp;Still she remained in her artificial slumber, but it would not last. &nbsp;He knew it. &nbsp;If he was here, now, then so were others. &nbsp;It did not matter who. &nbsp;It did not matter why. &nbsp;But he had been told long ago that his purpose was to hold her back, and so he would. &nbsp; <br />He scrambled down from This was written for `<a class="u" href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com">JZLobo</a>'s contest. I've been meaning to write it, but I'm in the middle of two other Portal fics and yeah, so much Portal! But then this started writing itself in my head, so I knew I had to start typing it out. In this contest, you have to submit your first draft, and when I write I'll write a chunk, reread it, fix it, write some more, go back to the top, reread it, fix it again, so on and so forth. So it took me six hours to write this, and it comes out to five pages in MS Word. Normally that'd take me one hour.<br /><br />This spans Doug Rattman's experience from the wakeup scene in Portal 2 to Test Chamber... 6? I forget. It's the one with Advanced Aerial Faith Plates, my favourite <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> See, the Rattman den in that chamber is really quite inaccessible. I really doubt there was a pile of portal guns lying around, if he was even in a state to use one, seeing as he got shot in the leg before he went into suspension, and judging from the locations of the two rooms previous, he was outside of the facility, and so couldn't have used the door to get into the room. So GLaDOS must have let him in.<br /><br />I believe that Exile Vilify is Doug changing his mind about GLaDOS, seeing that she's really stuck in a position she can't get out of, that she's limiting herself when she could be so much more. So I had him compose it on the computer you find in the second den and hack the radio to play it. I forgot to add that, actually. That I had him hacking the radio, I mean. He's using it to try to get through to her, because GLaDOS has a strange preoccupation with music, for a computer. <br /><br />Might be a bit confusing to some, but I really wanted to write something I could hold on par with my story <i>Sleep Mode</i>: a bit fancier, a bit more technical, something that invites more thought than fics usually do. Something I can look back on and say, did I write that? And I think I succeeded.<br /><br />The title comes from a Rattman quote in Portal: "Not in cruelty. Not in wrath. The REAPER came today. An ANGEL visited this gray path, and took the cube away." The grey path in this story is the road the characters walk in this game. Things that seemed clear suddenly become confusing, and no one is quite who you thought they were. They learn that even computers are made up of shades of grey.<br /><br />Sorry for the long explanation... kudos to you if you read it...Prussia x Reader-Prom Nighthttp://invadersharie.deviantart.com/art/Prussia-x-Reader-Prom-Night-380995396
http://invadersharie.deviantart.com/art/Prussia-x-Reader-Prom-Night-380995396Wed, 26 Jun 2013 20:13:39 PDTPrussia x Reader-Prom Nightnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1invadershariehttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/n/invadersharie.gif?4Copyright 2013-2015 invadersharieYAY A PRUSSIA READER INSERT STORY OF AWESOMENESS!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!<br />TRANSLATIONS!<br />Ich leibe dich:I love you<br />Ich leibe dich auch:I love you too<br />I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!<br />This is also an entry for a contest!<a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">[link]</a>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;Prussia x Reader<br /> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Prom Night<br /> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;You walked down the halls,looking for Gilbert,your best friend.He had said to meet you around here.'Where IS he?',you thought.It's a good thing your locker was where he wanted to meet you.You unlocked your locker and pulled out your textbooks,just as Gilbert found you.<br />"Hey,(name)!Glad you decided to meet the AWESOME me here!"You rolled your (e/c) eyes at him.<br />"Hey,Gil.What's up?",you said,shutting your locker and twisting the combination lock a couple times,to YAY A PRUSSIA READER INSERT STORY OF AWESOMENESS!YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!<br />TRANSLATIONS!<br />Ich leibe dich:I love you<br />Ich leibe dich auch:I love you too<br />I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!<br />This is also an entry for a contest!<a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">[link]</a>TF: Old Soldier FIRST DRAFT Contest Entryhttp://singingflames.deviantart.com/art/TF-Old-Soldier-FIRST-DRAFT-Contest-Entry-378980208
http://singingflames.deviantart.com/art/TF-Old-Soldier-FIRST-DRAFT-Contest-Entry-378980208Tue, 25 Jun 2013 17:06:27 PDTTF: Old Soldier FIRST DRAFT Contest Entrynonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1SingingFlameshttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/i/singingflames.png?11Copyright 2013-2015 SingingFlames@singingflamesThis is my entry for <span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="376268979" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit journal" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/gruzecontrol/icons/journal.gif?2"><span class="wrap" style="width: 150px"><q>
<strong>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest</strong>My tenure as Community Volunteer of Fan Fiction ends tomorrow, and I want to go out with a bang. So here's one more competition with prizes so you'll all remember me fondly!<br />A writer's best friend is another writer. Sometimes you just cannot objectively look over your own work and fix all your mistakes. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you, and who better than someone else who understands the labors of love you're undertaking? That is where editors come in. But for many people, finding a literary helpmate can be difficult.<br /><strong>What's this about?</strong><br />This is a two-part contest for writers of fan fiction. Phase One: Write a fan fiction but don't bother to proofread it. Post it in its raw, unedited first draft (just make sure it's still legible--correct your typos, at the very least). Phase Two: We play musical chairs with the stories and assign each of you another entry to edit. Entries will be judged by two categories: <i>Best Diamond in the Rough</i> (premise of the story</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span>. The contest required we write a fairly unedited first draft, which was crazy hard for me. I'm constantly editing and rewriting as I'm writing. It's a never-ending process for me. It was purely by force of will I didn't go back and edit. I noticed one part where I mildly contradict myself, and another where my technology use isn't consistant or explained right. It needs more work ... but I didn't touch it. I'm just staring at it, doing nothing. <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/stare.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":stare:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="594" title="Stare"/> I just hope it's not obvious.<br /><br />Word count: 1934<br /><br />For what it's worth, enjoy!<br /><br />Transformers and all associated names are registered trademarks of Hasbro. My work is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro. All Hail Hasbro! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/salute.gif" width="26" height="18" alt=":salute:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="455" title="I salute you!"/>Title: Transformers: Old Soldier FIRST DRAFT Contest Entry <br />Universe: G1 (Pre-Earth) <br />Pairings: None <br />Rating: PG <br />Warnings: Violence, Non-canon character death <br />Author's Note: This is my (mostly) unedited first draft. The contest specified minimal editing, which was extremely difficult for me. While I don't think this is bad, it's not as refined as I'd normally post. In fact, there are two details which need work/editing. Hopefully, they're not as obvious to others as they are to me (since I'm super critical of my own work).<br />Smoke hung heavy over Praxus, obscuring optics and clogging vents. Here, the once proud city-state stood cracked and chThis is my entry for <span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="376268979" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit journal" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/gruzecontrol/icons/journal.gif?2"><span class="wrap" style="width: 150px"><q>
<strong>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest</strong>My tenure as Community Volunteer of Fan Fiction ends tomorrow, and I want to go out with a bang. So here's one more competition with prizes so you'll all remember me fondly!<br />A writer's best friend is another writer. Sometimes you just cannot objectively look over your own work and fix all your mistakes. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you, and who better than someone else who understands the labors of love you're undertaking? That is where editors come in. But for many people, finding a literary helpmate can be difficult.<br /><strong>What's this about?</strong><br />This is a two-part contest for writers of fan fiction. Phase One: Write a fan fiction but don't bother to proofread it. Post it in its raw, unedited first draft (just make sure it's still legible--correct your typos, at the very least). Phase Two: We play musical chairs with the stories and assign each of you another entry to edit. Entries will be judged by two categories: <i>Best Diamond in the Rough</i> (premise of the story</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span>. The contest required we write a fairly unedited first draft, which was crazy hard for me. I'm constantly editing and rewriting as I'm writing. It's a never-ending process for me. It was purely by force of will I didn't go back and edit. I noticed one part where I mildly contradict myself, and another where my technology use isn't consistant or explained right. It needs more work ... but I didn't touch it. I'm just staring at it, doing nothing. <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/stare.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":stare:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="594" title="Stare"/> I just hope it's not obvious.<br /><br />Word count: 1934<br /><br />For what it's worth, enjoy!<br /><br />Transformers and all associated names are registered trademarks of Hasbro. My work is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro. All Hail Hasbro! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/salute.gif" width="26" height="18" alt=":salute:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="455" title="I salute you!"/>Nightmare and promisehttp://meatymeaty.deviantart.com/art/Nightmare-and-promise-378408641
http://meatymeaty.deviantart.com/art/Nightmare-and-promise-378408641Sun, 16 Jun 2013 10:47:27 PDTNightmare and promisenonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1meatymeatyhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/m/e/meatymeaty.jpg?2Copyright 2013-2015 meatymeatyBedtime Story for Mikey (contest)&nbsp;Nightmare and promise <br />Tmnt au<br />Leo, Raph, Donnie; 27yr old<br />Mikey; 12yr<br /><br />Mikey just woke up from nightmare in cold sweat and bit pain. Having same nightmare about a week, Mikey was getting moody for not getting a good night sleep. His father was getting real mad with him for ninja work too tier to think stray. Leo try to talk to him after work out but Mikey just walk away. Raph feeding his pet turtle spike his sow Mikey trip over fell in to water. Run over to his baby brother help out.<br /><br />Raph; hey little ninja are ok<br /><br />Mikey; no I am not and STOP CALLING ME LITTLE ALL TIME<br /><br />RAHP; but I always call you little ninja<br /><br />Mikey; just leave along<br /><br />MikeBedtime Story for Mikey (contest)Still the Same Girl (Revised)http://reneestone.deviantart.com/art/Still-the-Same-Girl-Revised-393098211
http://reneestone.deviantart.com/art/Still-the-Same-Girl-Revised-393098211Tue, 13 Aug 2013 20:30:59 PDTStill the Same Girl (Revised)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2ReneeStonehttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/r/e/reneestone.gif?9Copyright 2013-2015 ReneeStoneThis piece is my edit of ~<a class="u" href="http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com">Story-of-a-Mind</a>'s One Piece fan fiction one-shot, <a href="http://fav.me/d6bzg25">fav.me/d6bzg25</a>. I was graced with this work for #<a class="u" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com">communityrelations</a>'s contest found here: <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a>. <br /><br />I put in a lot of effort into this baby. I was really excited to do something I'm used to doing for free, though! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/d/dummy.gif" width="21" height="15" alt=":dummy:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="574" title="I am a dummy!"/> *grammar nerd*<br /><br />I didn't know much about One Piece, but I did my best to research Nami and her back story. I found it intriguing. ^_^<br /><br />Still the Same Girl (First Draft) (c) ~<a class="u" href="http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com">Story-of-a-Mind</a><br />Still the Same Girl (Revised) (c) ~<a class="u" href="http://classicisme.deviantart.com">Classicisme</a> <br />One Piece (c) Eiichiro OdaThe Abyss was singing her to Its bedside tonight, unfolding black sheets into soft and smoky wisps. Let go, It hummed. You gave so much already. Come rest, Nami. There&rsquo;s no sense in fighting it any longer.<br /><br />A few steps away from Bell-m&egrave;re's grave, Nami&rsquo;s body stood in the moon&rsquo;s pale and unflattering glow. Her mind, however, wandered elsewhere, opening fragile memories she swore she&rsquo;d never touch again.<br /><br />She drew in a sharp, cold breath and hung her head low. Nami was as worn as an old sail flapping limply on the high seas. Those fierce winds, once filling her with joy, now seeped through holes that had been torThis piece is my edit of ~<a class="u" href="http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com">Story-of-a-Mind</a>'s One Piece fan fiction one-shot, <a href="http://fav.me/d6bzg25">fav.me/d6bzg25</a>. I was graced with this work for #<a class="u" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com">communityrelations</a>'s contest found here: <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a>. <br /><br />I put in a lot of effort into this baby. I was really excited to do something I'm used to doing for free, though! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/d/dummy.gif" width="21" height="15" alt=":dummy:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="574" title="I am a dummy!"/> *grammar nerd*<br /><br />I didn't know much about One Piece, but I did my best to research Nami and her back story. I found it intriguing. ^_^<br /><br />Still the Same Girl (First Draft) (c) ~<a class="u" href="http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com">Story-of-a-Mind</a><br />Still the Same Girl (Revised) (c) ~<a class="u" href="http://classicisme.deviantart.com">Classicisme</a> <br />One Piece (c) Eiichiro OdaA Dark Horizon (Betamatch Final)http://decepticonflamewar.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-Betamatch-Final-388223236
http://decepticonflamewar.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-Betamatch-Final-388223236Thu, 25 Jul 2013 13:38:35 PDTA Dark Horizon (Betamatch Final)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2DecepticonFlamewarhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/d/e/decepticonflamewar.png?13Copyright 2013-2015 DecepticonFlamewarOriginal, Unedited Draft: <span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="384672751" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="384672751" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-384672751" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/main/defaulttag2.png"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>A Dark Horizon</strong>Summer was over, that much was certain. As the sun set, fall had her gaze over the city, waiting as the moon rose in the oddly black sky above. It was as though the stars were afraid to shine, too scared to show themselves that night. But what was worse was the wind, a steady breeze that, as the moon rose, grew stronger, fingers of squalling gusts brushing through tree branches and abandoned swing sets.<br />&nbsp;<br />Had the citizens of Reidington been awake, they would have noticed the sudden darkness that took over the city as the clock hit midnight. They would have noticed the snap of branches in the rough winds, the starless sky and dark streets. They would however, all share one thing in common as the wind blew. A nightmare, a glimpse into a world not one person wanted to be in.<br />&nbsp;<br />Sakura Avalon was no exception and she lay in her bed, tossing and turning, the sheets tangled over her body as she tossed and turned. Beads of sweat trickled down her brow and a soft cry escaped her lips</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span> by <a target="_self" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/h/shades-ofgray.jpg?2" alt=":iconshades-ofgray:" title="Shades-ofGray" /></a>~<a class="u" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com">Shades-ofGray</a><br /><br />This is my entry for the second phase of the Betamatch Fanfiction Contest. I was given a short, dark, dreamy <i>Cardcaptors</i> piece. Lucky for me, I had watched just enough of the show to make a little sense of it.<br /><br />My initial impression of the piece was pretty strong. Deeper than the show it came from, certainly, with a clear intention of being a prose poem. I tried to be true to that.<br /><br />I find it difficult to explain the changes I made becuase they were mostly very small, and they weren't uniform. Certainly a lot of my alterations were grammatical. There were run-on sentences and fragments that didn't suit the flow, which is what you would expect in any unedited draft... especially one set primarily in nightmares. There were issues with parallelism, which is also very common in the unedited drafts of even expert writers. I fleshed those out as necessary. I altered some imagery to flow better or to be moodier; people with very clear images in their mind sometimes write very clunky descriptions of them. <br /><br />I also added a lot of imagery in places where it seemed to be somewhat lacking. I could see what I think Shades of Gray wanted, but I wanted to be sure the reader sees it as well. I also took a single use of a reference to being cold and worked it in as a recurring symbol, incorporating cold-related pain as a result. Surely I'm not the only one whose hands ache in the cold. Lastly, I modified the line about a living, breathing dark to more clearly evoke a black hole. Artistically, I'm sure this was the right thing to do to make the line pop... but since black holes are sort of a poetic signature of mine, I feel a need for full disclosure. <br /><br />The original line:<br /><br />"It was as though light itself was suctioned into nothingness, leaving behind a waking, breathing dark."<br /><br />My revision:<br /><br />"It <b>seemed that</b> light itself <b>fell</b> into nothingness, leaving behind a waking, breathing, <b>hungry</b> dark."<br /><br />So I felt I should point that out.<br /><br />I made a few modifications to try and lessen the amount of times the word "fear" appeared in the early half of the document, replacing it with synonyms. I feel subtle foreshadowing is the best foreshadowing, especially when the name of a thing is so important. <br /><br />A last change I felt was necessary was weeding out some of the details of CCS that might weigh down an unfamiliar viewer. Rather than explicitly explain Sakura's relationship with her love interest, I modified it into a more vague suggestion, one that had a little more immediacy to where she was in the story.<br /><br />My aim was to maintain the dark, scary mood througout, turning the elegant simplicity of the ending into almost a statement in itself. I believe I have succeeded. <br /><br />Please direct all inquiries regarding follow-ups to ~<a class="u" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com">Shades-ofGray</a>. Details on the particular grammatical issues I found can be furnished on request. I love teaching me some English.<br /><br />This story is her property, less what belongs to whoever owns Cardcaptors, anyway. I'd love it if she credited me for editing if she posts this modified version elsewhere (my username is the same everywhere), but otherwise it's hers to do as she wishes. I wish her the best of luck on the "Diamond in the Rough" portion of the competition, and in whateve story she's editing right now. This has been a really great experience, and I'm glad I participated.Summer was over, that much was certain. As the sun set, muted fall colors drew her gaze to the city, waiting as the moon rose in the oddly black sky above. It seemed as though the stars were afraid to shine, too scared to show themselves. But the worst part was the wind, a steady breeze that, as the moon rose, grew stronger, fingers of squalling gusts clawing through tree branches and abandoned swing sets.<br />Had the citizens of Reidington been awake, they would have noticed the sudden darkness that overtook the city as the clock struck midnight. They would have noticed the snapping of branches in the rough winds. They would have noticed the staOriginal, Unedited Draft: <span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="384672751" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="384672751" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-384672751" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/main/defaulttag2.png"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>A Dark Horizon</strong>Summer was over, that much was certain. As the sun set, fall had her gaze over the city, waiting as the moon rose in the oddly black sky above. It was as though the stars were afraid to shine, too scared to show themselves that night. But what was worse was the wind, a steady breeze that, as the moon rose, grew stronger, fingers of squalling gusts brushing through tree branches and abandoned swing sets.<br />&nbsp;<br />Had the citizens of Reidington been awake, they would have noticed the sudden darkness that took over the city as the clock hit midnight. They would have noticed the snap of branches in the rough winds, the starless sky and dark streets. They would however, all share one thing in common as the wind blew. A nightmare, a glimpse into a world not one person wanted to be in.<br />&nbsp;<br />Sakura Avalon was no exception and she lay in her bed, tossing and turning, the sheets tangled over her body as she tossed and turned. Beads of sweat trickled down her brow and a soft cry escaped her lips</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span> by <a target="_self" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/h/shades-ofgray.jpg?2" alt=":iconshades-ofgray:" title="Shades-ofGray" /></a>~<a class="u" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com">Shades-ofGray</a><br /><br />This is my entry for the second phase of the Betamatch Fanfiction Contest. I was given a short, dark, dreamy <i>Cardcaptors</i> piece. Lucky for me, I had watched just enough of the show to make a little sense of it.<br /><br />My initial impression of the piece was pretty strong. Deeper than the show it came from, certainly, with a clear intention of being a prose poem. I tried to be true to that.<br /><br />I find it difficult to explain the changes I made becuase they were mostly very small, and they weren't uniform. Certainly a lot of my alterations were grammatical. There were run-on sentences and fragments that didn't suit the flow, which is what you would expect in any unedited draft... especially one set primarily in nightmares. There were issues with parallelism, which is also very common in the unedited drafts of even expert writers. I fleshed those out as necessary. I altered some imagery to flow better or to be moodier; people with very clear images in their mind sometimes write very clunky descriptions of them. <br /><br />I also added a lot of imagery in places where it seemed to be somewhat lacking. I could see what I think Shades of Gray wanted, but I wanted to be sure the reader sees it as well. I also took a single use of a reference to being cold and worked it in as a recurring symbol, incorporating cold-related pain as a result. Surely I'm not the only one whose hands ache in the cold. Lastly, I modified the line about a living, breathing dark to more clearly evoke a black hole. Artistically, I'm sure this was the right thing to do to make the line pop... but since black holes are sort of a poetic signature of mine, I feel a need for full disclosure. <br /><br />The original line:<br /><br />"It was as though light itself was suctioned into nothingness, leaving behind a waking, breathing dark."<br /><br />My revision:<br /><br />"It <b>seemed that</b> light itself <b>fell</b> into nothingness, leaving behind a waking, breathing, <b>hungry</b> dark."<br /><br />So I felt I should point that out.<br /><br />I made a few modifications to try and lessen the amount of times the word "fear" appeared in the early half of the document, replacing it with synonyms. I feel subtle foreshadowing is the best foreshadowing, especially when the name of a thing is so important. <br /><br />A last change I felt was necessary was weeding out some of the details of CCS that might weigh down an unfamiliar viewer. Rather than explicitly explain Sakura's relationship with her love interest, I modified it into a more vague suggestion, one that had a little more immediacy to where she was in the story.<br /><br />My aim was to maintain the dark, scary mood througout, turning the elegant simplicity of the ending into almost a statement in itself. I believe I have succeeded. <br /><br />Please direct all inquiries regarding follow-ups to ~<a class="u" href="http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com">Shades-ofGray</a>. Details on the particular grammatical issues I found can be furnished on request. I love teaching me some English.<br /><br />This story is her property, less what belongs to whoever owns Cardcaptors, anyway. I'd love it if she credited me for editing if she posts this modified version elsewhere (my username is the same everywhere), but otherwise it's hers to do as she wishes. I wish her the best of luck on the "Diamond in the Rough" portion of the competition, and in whateve story she's editing right now. This has been a really great experience, and I'm glad I participated.Check and Mate (First Draft)http://cas42.deviantart.com/art/Check-and-Mate-First-Draft-384151303
http://cas42.deviantart.com/art/Check-and-Mate-First-Draft-384151303Tue, 09 Jul 2013 12:20:51 PDTCheck and Mate (First Draft)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1cas42http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/a/cas42.jpg?1Copyright 2013-2015 cas42Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto<br /><br />A submission for the <a target="_self" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/o/communityrelations.gif?13" alt=":iconcommunityrelations:" title="communityrelations" /></a> <i>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest </i> contest.<br /><br />Author's Note: So the whole idea of this contest is to bang out a first draft of a short story and then it gets handed off to some other anonymous contest entrant who edits it... There are prizes for rough drafts and prizes for best editing job.<br /><br />I entered for three reasons:<br /><br />1) I have no willpower when it comes to prizes, especially the elusive premium membership. It's strange... I want one... I could easily buy one... But no! I must earn it! (I am such a weirdo sometimes.)<br /><br />2)So far, I have been unable to write anything under 8k words. With a word limit of a mere 3K I figured this would be good practice (Hah! keeping the above story so short almost KILLED me. And I am NEVER prone to exaggeration or hyperbole! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/wink.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=";)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=";) (Wink)"/> ) <br /><br />3) This little Shikamaru/Temari budding romance is going to make a much steamier appearance in later chapters in my fan novel... This was a good excuse to get a first draft of it finished.<br /><br />I hope you enjoy.<br /><br />-Cas<br /><br /><b>ADDENDUM:</b><br /><br />For anyone who's interested... I finished the final draft of Check and Mate. Just to warn you... it is most definitely rated 'M'. Younger eyes and those of you with a prudish disposition... you have been warned. <br /><br />Still want to read it? It starts here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6hz4oc">Check_and_Mate_part1</a><br /><br />-CasShikamaru continued signing the after action reports, ignoring the loud music and the raucous laughter outside. Parties just weren&rsquo;t his thing. Even a blowout to celebrate the end of the Fourth Great war.<br /><br />Even after he had dismissed them, his squad mates had tried their best to convince him to join them in the festivities. Ino had practically danced back into the tent, her long blonde hair flowing behind her, giving him a forced, flirtatious wink. &ldquo;Come with us Shikamaru!&rdquo; she had teased, the smile beaming through her sorrow and loss. &ldquo;The war&rsquo;s over! We won! Surely we can forget the paperwork and live a little!Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto<br /><br />A submission for the <a target="_self" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/o/communityrelations.gif?13" alt=":iconcommunityrelations:" title="communityrelations" /></a> <i>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest </i> contest.<br /><br />Author's Note: So the whole idea of this contest is to bang out a first draft of a short story and then it gets handed off to some other anonymous contest entrant who edits it... There are prizes for rough drafts and prizes for best editing job.<br /><br />I entered for three reasons:<br /><br />1) I have no willpower when it comes to prizes, especially the elusive premium membership. It's strange... I want one... I could easily buy one... But no! I must earn it! (I am such a weirdo sometimes.)<br /><br />2)So far, I have been unable to write anything under 8k words. With a word limit of a mere 3K I figured this would be good practice (Hah! keeping the above story so short almost KILLED me. And I am NEVER prone to exaggeration or hyperbole! <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/wink.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=";)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="387" title=";) (Wink)"/> ) <br /><br />3) This little Shikamaru/Temari budding romance is going to make a much steamier appearance in later chapters in my fan novel... This was a good excuse to get a first draft of it finished.<br /><br />I hope you enjoy.<br /><br />-Cas<br /><br /><b>ADDENDUM:</b><br /><br />For anyone who's interested... I finished the final draft of Check and Mate. Just to warn you... it is most definitely rated 'M'. Younger eyes and those of you with a prudish disposition... you have been warned. <br /><br />Still want to read it? It starts here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6hz4oc">Check_and_Mate_part1</a><br /><br />-CasLast (first draft)http://dparparita.deviantart.com/art/Last-first-draft-384067918
http://dparparita.deviantart.com/art/Last-first-draft-384067918Tue, 09 Jul 2013 05:15:05 PDTLast (first draft)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1dparparitahttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/d/p/dparparita.jpg?7Copyright 2013-2015 dparparitaWord count: 2,971 words<br /><br />My entry for the <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest</a>. It's hard for me to show a first draft. Usually, even my beta reader doesn't get to see anything more basic than the second or third draft. Even while I was typing it, I kept wanting to change things, but I stayed true to the first draft, the handwritten one, for the sake of the contest.<br /><br />This story is a fanfic for the <i>Driftwood</i> series. The originally series was (is being) written by Marie Brennan. More information about it can be found <a class="external" href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.swantower.com/stories/driftwood/index.html">here</a>. Most of the stories can be read online for free. There are links to them on the writer's website (which I've linked to) so you can easily find out more about the Driftwood world (and figure out just how lame my attempt at writing a Driftwood story is, by comaprison).<br /><br />Note to my future editor:<br />The nature of the Driftwood series is such that there is only one recurrent character in the Driftwood stories, and he isn't always the main character. Thus, the characters and places I've written about here are not taken directly from the stories, except for the world of Driftwood itself and for one character. Apart from Driftwood, the Crush, the Shreds, all other names I've used here are names I made up for this story. And, as such, you are free to change them to something that would suit the story better. I don't usually have names in my first drafts. There are a few characters who insist upon having that particular name even before they are "born" on paper, but for the most part, my first drafts are full of placeholder names, which look like this: "______" I usually know what each string of ___ refers to, and I have some idea of the number of syllables each name has, and which syllables are stressed, so I can keep track of how each sentence flows, but I don't have a definite name for them until the final draft, or possibly the last but one draft. For the purpose of making this submission readable, I've had to come up with actual names before submitting the story, but the names I choose would not be final in a first draft, thus I leave it up to the beta-reader who'll be assigned to this story to decide whether these names are suitable or whether they need to be changed.There is no one who truly knows how to face the end that lies beyond the end of the world. One day, the seven Moons shine beneath the Sea of Enkre, as they are supposed to, and the next day you find yourself drifting away, your world diminished to a mere fragment of what it used to be. You open your eyes in the light of the Moons and for a moment you forget about the cataclysm from the night before, or you think everything was just a bad dream. You look around at the alabaster walls around you, still intact, and you tell yourself all is as before. You tell yourself there was no Armageddon, no catastrophe, you tell yourself those galaxies, allWord count: 2,971 words<br /><br />My entry for the <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest</a>. It's hard for me to show a first draft. Usually, even my beta reader doesn't get to see anything more basic than the second or third draft. Even while I was typing it, I kept wanting to change things, but I stayed true to the first draft, the handwritten one, for the sake of the contest.<br /><br />This story is a fanfic for the <i>Driftwood</i> series. The originally series was (is being) written by Marie Brennan. More information about it can be found <a class="external" href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.swantower.com/stories/driftwood/index.html">here</a>. Most of the stories can be read online for free. There are links to them on the writer's website (which I've linked to) so you can easily find out more about the Driftwood world (and figure out just how lame my attempt at writing a Driftwood story is, by comaprison).<br /><br />Note to my future editor:<br />The nature of the Driftwood series is such that there is only one recurrent character in the Driftwood stories, and he isn't always the main character. Thus, the characters and places I've written about here are not taken directly from the stories, except for the world of Driftwood itself and for one character. Apart from Driftwood, the Crush, the Shreds, all other names I've used here are names I made up for this story. And, as such, you are free to change them to something that would suit the story better. I don't usually have names in my first drafts. There are a few characters who insist upon having that particular name even before they are "born" on paper, but for the most part, my first drafts are full of placeholder names, which look like this: "______" I usually know what each string of ___ refers to, and I have some idea of the number of syllables each name has, and which syllables are stressed, so I can keep track of how each sentence flows, but I don't have a definite name for them until the final draft, or possibly the last but one draft. For the purpose of making this submission readable, I've had to come up with actual names before submitting the story, but the names I choose would not be final in a first draft, thus I leave it up to the beta-reader who'll be assigned to this story to decide whether these names are suitable or whether they need to be changed.Coming Down From the Cloudshttp://balunstormhands.deviantart.com/art/Coming-Down-From-the-Clouds-378997381
http://balunstormhands.deviantart.com/art/Coming-Down-From-the-Clouds-378997381Tue, 18 Jun 2013 17:52:38 PDTComing Down From the Cloudsnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1BalunStormhandshttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/a/balunstormhands.png?2Copyright 2013-2015 BalunStormhandsWhat happened after the Happily Ever After of Disney's Sleeping Beauty?<br />Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest entry.Briar Rose woke up. She had never woken up like this before. Her lips were all warm as something pressed against them. Her body was feeling so strange like something was flowing out of her.<br /><br />She wasn&rsquo;t sure she wanted to wake up. The dreams had been so good. She had been dreaming about her true love, the young man from the forest she had met that day, or was it yesterday?<br /><br />Would she ever be happy again after what had happened?<br /><br />She was awake and could not sleep again, so she opened her eyes.<br /><br />Before her was the young man from the forest, the prince from her dreams, her true love. She smiled. She could see the fairies that had been her aWhat happened after the Happily Ever After of Disney's Sleeping Beauty?<br />Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest entry.The Same Compartment - orig. by magicwingsforeverhttp://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/The-Same-Compartment-orig-by-magicwingsforever-392986374
http://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/The-Same-Compartment-orig-by-magicwingsforever-392986374Tue, 13 Aug 2013 12:11:06 PDTThe Same Compartment - orig. by magicwingsforevernonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2iammemyselfhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/a/iammemyself.jpg?2Copyright 2013-2015 iammemyselfOriginal here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6d3m3i">fav.me/d6d3m3i</a><br /><br />I had to edit someone else's fanfic as part of the beta thingy, and this was mine. I mostly just tried to make it more descriptive.The Same Compartment<br /><br />Originally written by magicwingsforever<br />Edited by Indiana<br /><br />When they first met, James Potter and Sirius Black didn't expect to be lifelong friends. &nbsp;They were just two boys sitting on the Hogwarts Express, shoved into the same compartment by some rowdy fifth years. &nbsp;Each of them kept to himself, and it wasn&rsquo;t until James spotted Sirius&rsquo;s broomstick advertisement booklet, tossed carelessly onto the seat, that the two of them began talking.<br /><br />"What team?" James asked enthusiastically, pointing at the Quidditch players clutching world-class brooms on the cover.<br /><br />Sirius snorted, glancing at the booklet and then toOriginal here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6d3m3i">fav.me/d6d3m3i</a><br /><br />I had to edit someone else's fanfic as part of the beta thingy, and this was mine. I mostly just tried to make it more descriptive.Beta-reader Match-making Fan Fiction contest entryhttp://destiny58.deviantart.com/art/Beta-reader-Match-making-Fan-Fiction-contest-entry-392613700
http://destiny58.deviantart.com/art/Beta-reader-Match-making-Fan-Fiction-contest-entry-392613700Sun, 11 Aug 2013 23:38:32 PDTBeta-reader Match-making Fan Fiction contest entrynonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2Destiny58http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/d/e/destiny58.png?13Copyright 2013-2015 Destiny58My entry for Phase Two of the Beta-Reader Match-Making Fan-Fiction contest: <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a><br /><br />The story does not belong to me. It belongs to =<a class="u" href="http://singingflames.deviantart.com">SingingFlames</a> and their awesome imagination. Good luck!Smoke hung low and heavy over Praxus, obscuring optics and clogging vents. Here, the once proud city-state stood cracked and charred, covered in ash. The glorious crystals of the Helix Gardens, the pinnacle of Cybertronian art and beauty, lay shattered. Many of the civilians were gone, long since departed or dead. Those who remained had abandoned their civilian ways, forced into more militaristic roles.<br /><br />Towering above the surrounding ruins, the smoking husk of the Assembly sat. Not so long ago, this building thrived, the center of all Praxian culture and business. Grand halls held concerts, games, presentations, assemblies, and exhibits, andMy entry for Phase Two of the Beta-Reader Match-Making Fan-Fiction contest: <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a><br /><br />The story does not belong to me. It belongs to =<a class="u" href="http://singingflames.deviantart.com">SingingFlames</a> and their awesome imagination. Good luck!Edited contest entry for Invadershariehttp://angelicdeamon96.deviantart.com/art/Edited-contest-entry-for-Invadersharie-390081038
http://angelicdeamon96.deviantart.com/art/Edited-contest-entry-for-Invadersharie-390081038Thu, 01 Aug 2013 19:22:12 PDTEdited contest entry for Invadersharienonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2angelicdeamon96http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/n/angelicdeamon96.gif?7Copyright 2013-2015 angelicdeamon96<a target="_self" href="http://invadersharie.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/n/invadersharie.png?14" alt=":iconinvadersharie:" title="invadersharie" /></a>'s Prom night revamped. I really liked the ideas behind this piece, granted it is rather short and I prefer in show pairings... submitted for the Beta Mach-Making Contest!Prussia x Reader<br /> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Prom Night<br /> &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;You walked down the halls,looking for Gilbert,your best friend.He had said to meet you by the lockers after class.'Where IS he?',you thought. You decided to grab your things for your next class while you waited. <br />"Hey!Glad you decided to meet the AWESOME me here?!"You rolled your eyes at him as you shut the locker.<br />"Hey,Gil.What's up?",you said,shutting your locker and twisting the combination lock a couple times,to make sure it was locked.<br />"I just wanted to know if you wanted to go to prom with me." The halls fell sile<a target="_self" href="http://invadersharie.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/i/n/invadersharie.png?14" alt=":iconinvadersharie:" title="invadersharie" /></a>'s Prom night revamped. I really liked the ideas behind this piece, granted it is rather short and I prefer in show pairings... submitted for the Beta Mach-Making Contest!Portal: This Dark Path Beta Readhttp://singingflames.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Dark-Path-Beta-Read-387975508
http://singingflames.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Dark-Path-Beta-Read-387975508Fri, 26 Jul 2013 18:24:16 PDTPortal: This Dark Path Beta Readnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2SingingFlameshttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/i/singingflames.png?11Copyright 2013-2015 SingingFlames@singingflamesThis is my contribution to the second half of the Beta Reader Match Making Contest. I beta read Portal: This Grey Path, by *<a class="u" href="http://iammemyself.deviantart.com">iammemyself</a>. I have to admit, this one was very well written and hard to edit.<br /><br />The contest:<br /><span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="376268979" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="376268979" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit journal" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/gruzecontrol/icons/journal.gif?2"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest</strong><strong>Just a reminder that even if you missed Phase One, you can still jump in and participate as an editor for Phase Two! Just comment or note me and I'll randomly assign you a story to edit!</strong><br />My tenure as Community Volunteer of Fan Fiction ends tomorrow, and I want to go out with a bang. So here's one more competition with prizes so you'll all remember me fondly!<br />A writer's best friend is another writer. Sometimes you just cannot objectively look over your own work and fix all your mistakes. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you, and who better than someone else who understands the labors of love you're undertaking? That is where editors come in. But for many people, finding a literary helpmate can be difficult.<br /><strong>What's this about?</strong><br />This is a two-part contest for writers of fan fiction. Phase One: Write a fan fiction but don't bother to proofread it. Post it in its raw, unedited first draft (just make sure it's still legible--correct your typos, at the ve</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span> <br /><br />Portal: This Grey Path:<br /><span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="380405169" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="380405169" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Grey-Path-380405169" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/main/defaulttag2.png"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>Portal: This Grey Path</strong>In an eternal instant, the world changed.&nbsp;<br />He knew of one reason, of just one reason, that explained why he would wake.&nbsp; Here, like this, in the middle of the once-proud cracked walls and shattered windows.&nbsp;<br />She was not awake, not yet.&nbsp; Still she remained in her artificial slumber, but it would not last.&nbsp; He knew it.&nbsp; If he was here, now, then so were others.&nbsp; It did not matter who.&nbsp; It did not matter why.&nbsp; But he had been told long ago that his purpose was to hold her back, and so he would.&nbsp;<br />He scrambled down from his perch, paying no attention to the stuttering echo of the voice cheerfully spinning a tale of impending doom across the thousands of like locations spanning across the land, and he hoped <i>she </i>was awake.&nbsp; Not the one who was in man-induced suspension, but the other one, the one who would correct all of the sins committed in this place.&nbsp; The one who would bring them out of this hell.&nbsp; Anyone who still su</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span><br /><br />Originally, I was under the impression that we would be making notes on the story, and submit those notes to the contest. I took those notes and used them to edit this. Since some of the edits are subtle, if you'd like to see the notes to help see those changes, here they are: <a href="http://sta.sh/01rjkoatvjy9">sta.sh/01rjkoatvjy9</a> <br /><br />Another major change I added was my attempt to differentiate between the two female individuals, who are referred to often as "she" and "her." Since the main character practically worships one of them, I capitalized her pronouns and when he calls her "the One." When GLaDOS refers to her, her pronouns are not capitalized. I admit, this is somewhat of an experiment. Should I experiment during a dA sponsored contest? Um, probably not. Did I? Yep. I never said I did things the right way. I hope it worked.SPECIAL NOTE - PLEASE READ: This is the second half of the Beta Match Making Contest, where I beta read another deviant's fan fiction. This story was written by :deviammemyself:, not me. I am only beta reading it. I claim no ownership of it. All credit for this story goes to :deviammemyself:. <br />There are a few examples of British English spelling on words (colour vs. color), and to keep true to the original author's intentions, I have kept those spellings as intended.<br /><br />Portal: This Grey Path<br />Written by: :deviammemyself:<br /><br />In an eternal instant, the world changed. &nbsp;<br />He knew of one reason, just one reason, that explained why he would wake. &nbsp;Here,This is my contribution to the second half of the Beta Reader Match Making Contest. I beta read Portal: This Grey Path, by *<a class="u" href="http://iammemyself.deviantart.com">iammemyself</a>. I have to admit, this one was very well written and hard to edit.<br /><br />The contest:<br /><span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="376268979" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="376268979" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit journal" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/gruzecontrol/icons/journal.gif?2"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest</strong><strong>Just a reminder that even if you missed Phase One, you can still jump in and participate as an editor for Phase Two! Just comment or note me and I'll randomly assign you a story to edit!</strong><br />My tenure as Community Volunteer of Fan Fiction ends tomorrow, and I want to go out with a bang. So here's one more competition with prizes so you'll all remember me fondly!<br />A writer's best friend is another writer. Sometimes you just cannot objectively look over your own work and fix all your mistakes. You need a fresh pair of eyes to help you, and who better than someone else who understands the labors of love you're undertaking? That is where editors come in. But for many people, finding a literary helpmate can be difficult.<br /><strong>What's this about?</strong><br />This is a two-part contest for writers of fan fiction. Phase One: Write a fan fiction but don't bother to proofread it. Post it in its raw, unedited first draft (just make sure it's still legible--correct your typos, at the ve</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span> <br /><br />Portal: This Grey Path:<br /><span class="shadow-holder" deviationid="380405169" data-embed-type="deviation" data-embed-id="380405169" data-embed-format="thumb"><span class="shadow mild" ><a href="http://iammemyself.deviantart.com/art/Portal-This-Grey-Path-380405169" class="thumb lit" onmouseover="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.hover(this, true)" onmouseout="if (window.LitBox) LitBox.out(this)"><i></i><img class="lit" src="http://st.deviantart.net/minish/main/defaulttag2.png"><span class="wrap" style="width: 154px"><q>
<strong>Portal: This Grey Path</strong>In an eternal instant, the world changed.&nbsp;<br />He knew of one reason, of just one reason, that explained why he would wake.&nbsp; Here, like this, in the middle of the once-proud cracked walls and shattered windows.&nbsp;<br />She was not awake, not yet.&nbsp; Still she remained in her artificial slumber, but it would not last.&nbsp; He knew it.&nbsp; If he was here, now, then so were others.&nbsp; It did not matter who.&nbsp; It did not matter why.&nbsp; But he had been told long ago that his purpose was to hold her back, and so he would.&nbsp;<br />He scrambled down from his perch, paying no attention to the stuttering echo of the voice cheerfully spinning a tale of impending doom across the thousands of like locations spanning across the land, and he hoped <i>she </i>was awake.&nbsp; Not the one who was in man-induced suspension, but the other one, the one who would correct all of the sins committed in this place.&nbsp; The one who would bring them out of this hell.&nbsp; Anyone who still su</q></span></a></span><!-- ^TTT --><!-- TTT$ --></span><br /><br />Originally, I was under the impression that we would be making notes on the story, and submit those notes to the contest. I took those notes and used them to edit this. Since some of the edits are subtle, if you'd like to see the notes to help see those changes, here they are: <a href="http://sta.sh/01rjkoatvjy9">sta.sh/01rjkoatvjy9</a> <br /><br />Another major change I added was my attempt to differentiate between the two female individuals, who are referred to often as "she" and "her." Since the main character practically worships one of them, I capitalized her pronouns and when he calls her "the One." When GLaDOS refers to her, her pronouns are not capitalized. I admit, this is somewhat of an experiment. Should I experiment during a dA sponsored contest? Um, probably not. Did I? Yep. I never said I did things the right way. I hope it worked.NaruHina: Inseparable (Edited)http://cas42.deviantart.com/art/NaruHina-Inseparable-Edited-387715002
http://cas42.deviantart.com/art/NaruHina-Inseparable-Edited-387715002Tue, 23 Jul 2013 18:03:08 PDTNaruHina: Inseparable (Edited)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2cas42http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/a/cas42.jpg?1Copyright 2013-2015 cas42Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto<br /><br />A submission for the <a target="_self" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/o/communityrelations.gif?13" alt=":iconcommunityrelations:" title="communityrelations" /></a> Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest contest.<br /><br />Editor's Note: Hi all <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/wave1.gif" width="25" height="20" alt=":wave:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/> <br /><br />I was randomly assigned <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a>'s piece <a href="http://fav.me/d6d1dr9">NaruHina: Inseparable (First Draft)</a>. I was looking forward to getting to the editing side of the contest and seeing what I could do. I was particularly happy to have been assigned this because A) I am a Naruto fan and B) I have what could be called strong NaruHina tendancies.<br /><br />I liked this piece. <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a> has some very nice imagery and a good sense of how to pace a story. The first draft was, as requested, a first draft. It definitely had some rough spots but I'm sure <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a> would have smoothed them out in subsequent revisions. <br /><br />I hope I managed to improve your story somewhat, and not screw up your vision too badly with my editing.<br /><br />Good luck in the contest!<br /><br />-CasMy breath grew shallow as I ran. I was deaf and blind to the world, ignoring everything but the pounding of my own feet. Rain drops fell from the brooding black clouds blocking off the bright innocent sun. I was just sick of it... sick of everything. I wanted to be anywhere but here.<br /><br />If you had asked me on a better day, &nbsp;I would have said all I wanted was a small place of sanctuary. Somewhere I wouldn&rsquo;t feel the burning pain etched into my heart over and over again. But was there really such a place where you could feel protected and safe? Life had taught me, no matter how much I wished and pleaded for such a &nbsp;place to exsist, I would Naruto characters belong to Masashi Kishimoto<br /><br />A submission for the <a target="_self" href="http://communityrelations.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/c/o/communityrelations.gif?13" alt=":iconcommunityrelations:" title="communityrelations" /></a> Beta-Reader Match-Making: A Fan Fiction Contest contest.<br /><br />Editor's Note: Hi all <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/w/wave1.gif" width="25" height="20" alt=":wave:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="437" title="Hi!"/> <br /><br />I was randomly assigned <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a>'s piece <a href="http://fav.me/d6d1dr9">NaruHina: Inseparable (First Draft)</a>. I was looking forward to getting to the editing side of the contest and seeing what I could do. I was particularly happy to have been assigned this because A) I am a Naruto fan and B) I have what could be called strong NaruHina tendancies.<br /><br />I liked this piece. <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a> has some very nice imagery and a good sense of how to pace a story. The first draft was, as requested, a first draft. It definitely had some rough spots but I'm sure <a target="_self" href="http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/"><img class="avatar" src="http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?11" alt=":iconnaruhina108:" title="naruhina108" /></a> would have smoothed them out in subsequent revisions. <br /><br />I hope I managed to improve your story somewhat, and not screw up your vision too badly with my editing.<br /><br />Good luck in the contest!<br /><br />-CasCheck and Mate (Beta Draft)http://balunstormhands.deviantart.com/art/Check-and-Mate-Beta-Draft-386596262
http://balunstormhands.deviantart.com/art/Check-and-Mate-Beta-Draft-386596262Fri, 19 Jul 2013 08:57:35 PDTCheck and Mate (Beta Draft)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2BalunStormhandshttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/b/a/balunstormhands.png?2Copyright 2013-2015 BalunStormhandsBeta edited Draft for Beta Match-making Contest (Phase Two)<br /><br />This is a solid story, that needed some minor enhancements to truly flower. Added a little foreshadowing so things didn't come out of nowhere, reused the report he set aside so it didn't feel like an unused Checkov's gun, and bring back the side characters from the beginning so they weren't lost in the story. <br /><br />I expanded the use of the mental shogi player, which was a brilliant way to show Shikamaru's mental process, and weaved it throughout the story. <br /><br />I was not familiar with Naruto, so I did some quick research on the Naruto series to learn about the characters. <br /><br />Hopefully, this is an improvement.<br /><br />Original <a href="http://fav.me/d6cpp1j">fav.me/d6cpp1j</a>Check and Mate (Beta Draft)<br />by ~cas42<br />beta ~BalunStormhands<br />Contests / 2013 / Beta Match-Making Contest / Phase Two<br /><br />Shikamaru continued signing the after action reports, ignoring the loud music and the raucous laughter outside. Parties just weren&rsquo;t his thing, even a blowout to celebrate the end of the Fourth Great War.<br /><br />Even after he had dismissed them, his squad mates had tried their best to convince him to join them in the festivities. Ino had practically danced back into the tent, her long blonde hair flowing behind her, giving him a forced, flirtatious wink from under her long bangs. &ldquo;Come with us Shikamaru!&rdquo; she had teBeta edited Draft for Beta Match-making Contest (Phase Two)<br /><br />This is a solid story, that needed some minor enhancements to truly flower. Added a little foreshadowing so things didn't come out of nowhere, reused the report he set aside so it didn't feel like an unused Checkov's gun, and bring back the side characters from the beginning so they weren't lost in the story. <br /><br />I expanded the use of the mental shogi player, which was a brilliant way to show Shikamaru's mental process, and weaved it throughout the story. <br /><br />I was not familiar with Naruto, so I did some quick research on the Naruto series to learn about the characters. <br /><br />Hopefully, this is an improvement.<br /><br />Original <a href="http://fav.me/d6cpp1j">fav.me/d6cpp1j</a>NaruHina: Inseparable (First Dhttp://naruhina108.deviantart.com/art/NaruHina-Inseparable-First-D-384696549
http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/art/NaruHina-Inseparable-First-D-384696549Thu, 11 Jul 2013 15:40:58 PDTNaruHina: Inseparable (First Dnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1naruhina108http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?14Copyright 2013-2015 naruhina108Well first off, this story is told between the time period of when Naruto and Hinata first enter the academy. This is my first contest I ever done so I was very excited when I wrote this piece. but OMG I would have changed so much stuff but I had to stay true to my first draft though some parts I thought were really chessy but I'm probably just paranoid ^^", but I do enjoy writing about my favorite couple from Naruto, NaruHina. It does seem so unfinished though...Well I really hope you enjoy it!! If you want to learn more about the contest here's the link!~ <br /><br /><a href="http://www.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">[link]</a>NaruHina: Inseparable (First Draft)<br /><br /> My breath grew shallow as I ran senseless in the world blocking off all comications. Rain drops fell from the pitch black clouds blocking off the bright innocent sun. I was just sick of it,of everything. I wanted to be anywhere but here, but I mostly desired a place of paradise for me. I didn't want to feel the burning pain embed into the strains of my heart again. But was there really such a place where you could feel protected and safe. Doubt overwelmbed me as i knew no matter how much i persuded myself it was true it would simply backfire me.<br /><br />I slowly came to a stop as tears came flowing down my cWell first off, this story is told between the time period of when Naruto and Hinata first enter the academy. This is my first contest I ever done so I was very excited when I wrote this piece. but OMG I would have changed so much stuff but I had to stay true to my first draft though some parts I thought were really chessy but I'm probably just paranoid ^^", but I do enjoy writing about my favorite couple from Naruto, NaruHina. It does seem so unfinished though...Well I really hope you enjoy it!! If you want to learn more about the contest here's the link!~ <br /><br /><a href="http://www.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">[link]</a>[Contest] HP Fanfiction: Episodes of Neville's POVhttp://pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/Contest-HP-Fanfiction-Episodes-of-Neville-s-POV-384555068
http://pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/Contest-HP-Fanfiction-Episodes-of-Neville-s-POV-384555068Wed, 10 Jul 2013 23:52:16 PDT[Contest] HP Fanfiction: Episodes of Neville's POVnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1PandaUdonhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/a/pandaudon.gif?2Copyright 2013-2015 PandaUdonThis is a contest entry for: <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">[link]</a><br /><br /> The writing is a bit crude and the reason why it is unedited is because of the contest. So if there is a huge collection of mistakes you see in this writing, it is because it is the first draft.<br /><br /> I never really wrote much fan fiction so I decided Harry Potter. Why? Because Harry Potter was the series that brought me into the world of books (thanks JK Rowling!!) Oh and it is one very well know series that I hope gives an easier job to the 'editor' of the second part of the contest <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/><br /><br /> This is about Neville Longbottom during his stay in Hogwarts in the Second Wizarding War.<br /><br />~ Characters belongs to J.K Rowling<br />~ Writing is mineEpisodes of Neville&rsquo;s Perspective in Hogwarts during the Second Wizarding War<br /><br /> &nbsp; Neville Longbottom gazed out at the passing scenery, feeling the slight rocking of the Hogwart&rsquo;s Express. Darkness have fallen onto the landscape hours ago, an indication they were near the great castle.<br /> &nbsp; &ldquo;Everything is going to change now, isn&rsquo;t it?&rdquo; Ginny Weasley suddenly spoke up.<br /> &nbsp; &ldquo;At Hogwarts?&rdquo; Luna Lovegood responded dreamingly.<br /> &nbsp; &ldquo;Yeah at Hogwarts...&rdquo; <br /> &nbsp; Hogwarts. Everything will change. The Death Eaters have infiltrated the school and positioned Professor Snape, the traitor, as the headmaster ofThis is a contest entry for: <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">[link]</a><br /><br /> The writing is a bit crude and the reason why it is unedited is because of the contest. So if there is a huge collection of mistakes you see in this writing, it is because it is the first draft.<br /><br /> I never really wrote much fan fiction so I decided Harry Potter. Why? Because Harry Potter was the series that brought me into the world of books (thanks JK Rowling!!) Oh and it is one very well know series that I hope gives an easier job to the 'editor' of the second part of the contest <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/><br /><br /> This is about Neville Longbottom during his stay in Hogwarts in the Second Wizarding War.<br /><br />~ Characters belongs to J.K Rowling<br />~ Writing is mineStill the Same Girl (first Draft)http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com/art/Still-the-Same-Girl-first-Draft-382926605
http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com/art/Still-the-Same-Girl-first-Draft-382926605Thu, 04 Jul 2013 13:27:57 PDTStill the Same Girl (first Draft)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1Story-of-a-Mindhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/t/story-of-a-mind.jpg?4Copyright 2013-2015 Story-of-a-MindUgh, this feels kind of unfinished. But that's the point for the first phase of this contest: submit the unedited first draft. Then everyone gets a different story to edit. I am curious what I will get (and what will happen to this piece...). <br />You are a fanfiction writer, too? Then take part and write something cool so maybe I can edit in the next step <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/> (Mind the Deadline 11th of July!)<br />This way to the contest descrition <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest: A Fan Fiction Contest</a>.<br /><br />I got the idea for it when listening to Youn Sun Nah &ldquo;Same Girl&rdquo;. I figured although Nami is most often portrayed as a very joyful character, she also must have had her low moments during the long time it must have taken to collect that much money.<br /><br />Side note for those who didn't know: Nojiko is Nami's adoptive sister.<br /><br />Nami, Bell-m&eacute;re and Nojiko as well as the whole story of One piece belong to Eiichiro Oda.The Abyss was tempting again tonight. Just a few steps away from Bell-m&egrave;re's grave it called Nami to take a final rest, too. Let go, It whispered. You gave so much already. Nami was as weary as an old sail hanging limply in the wind. No fierce wind could fill her with joy again, it all seeped through the holes that had been torn into her.<br /><br />&ldquo;You're still the same girl.&rdquo; &nbsp;Nojiko had told her. She couldn't have been more wrong. The girl that was Nami had died along with her mother as Arlong had shot her. Just when Nami had finally been ready to call Bell-m&egrave;re by that name. Mother. And Nami had died again when she was foUgh, this feels kind of unfinished. But that's the point for the first phase of this contest: submit the unedited first draft. Then everyone gets a different story to edit. I am curious what I will get (and what will happen to this piece...). <br />You are a fanfiction writer, too? Then take part and write something cool so maybe I can edit in the next step <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/smile.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":)" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="391" title=":) (Smile)"/> (Mind the Deadline 11th of July!)<br />This way to the contest descrition <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest: A Fan Fiction Contest</a>.<br /><br />I got the idea for it when listening to Youn Sun Nah &ldquo;Same Girl&rdquo;. I figured although Nami is most often portrayed as a very joyful character, she also must have had her low moments during the long time it must have taken to collect that much money.<br /><br />Side note for those who didn't know: Nojiko is Nami's adoptive sister.<br /><br />Nami, Bell-m&eacute;re and Nojiko as well as the whole story of One piece belong to Eiichiro Oda.The Best in Everyone - Raw Drafthttp://decepticonflamewar.deviantart.com/art/The-Best-in-Everyone-Raw-Draft-379472170
http://decepticonflamewar.deviantart.com/art/The-Best-in-Everyone-Raw-Draft-379472170Thu, 20 Jun 2013 17:09:49 PDTThe Best in Everyone - Raw Draftnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1DecepticonFlamewarhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/d/e/decepticonflamewar.png?13Copyright 2013-2015 DecepticonFlamewarWell, this is my entry for `<a class="u" href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com">JZLobo</a>'s Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest, found here: <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">fav.me/d680r03</a> <br /><br />What if you lost at the PWT... and your loss opened up Pokemon's most vulnerable character to hold the fort against the only antagonist who could reasonably be shoehorned into the PWT?<br /><br />My entry is something I thought would never be viable as an "accessible to outsiders" short. It's a character Psyching herself Up for a Pokemon tournament, full of spoilers.<br /><br />Except the spoilers are all foregone conclusions, something anyone would either assume happened or hopes would happen. Some are arguably more mythology gag than canon. All are so subtle they wouldn't really spoil a non-fan choosing to play... only a lapsed fan coming back. <br /><br />There are so many things I want to change. There are so many things I see wrong just from re-reading to fix typos. All sorts of wording and diction issues. All sorts of places I could have been more vague about what happened in concrete and attached more emotion. All sorts of places I could have made Hilda and Cheren a little more real and made the high hopes pinned on Rosa, the player character, so much clearer.<br /><br />My Beta reader... it's ok if you don't know who any of these people are. It doesn't matter. I think I've done an adequate job making clear who Bianca is, how she relates to everyone in terms of her power and skill, and how much she loves her friends... and the implications of her loss in the tournament. If anything, I've made how Bianca knows this too clear.<br /><br />I also feel like I should make a note of my inspiration... I wrote this thing with "The Warrior" by Disturbed on repeat. ...for a Bianca fic. I'm a bad person. <br /><br />So uh, to my watchers who haven't beta'd for me... I hope you enjoy seeing what I look like without editing!She sat in the chair, head tipped back, eyes on the seam between the wall and the ceiling. Her legs swung back and forth as they dangled from the chair that was just a hint too tall, and her chin bobbed slightly from side to side as the music pounded on the walls. She was vaguely aware the rules prohibited the use of loud music in the green room&hellip; but she was alone, and she would be alone until she was called to compete in the final match.<br />She hoped it would be against Rosa. She prayed it would be against Rosa.<br />But if it weren&rsquo;t&hellip; then she needed to break character. <br />Loose lips sink ships. That&rsquo;s what she&rsquo;d thougWell, this is my entry for `<a class="u" href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com">JZLobo</a>'s Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest, found here: <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">fav.me/d680r03</a> <br /><br />What if you lost at the PWT... and your loss opened up Pokemon's most vulnerable character to hold the fort against the only antagonist who could reasonably be shoehorned into the PWT?<br /><br />My entry is something I thought would never be viable as an "accessible to outsiders" short. It's a character Psyching herself Up for a Pokemon tournament, full of spoilers.<br /><br />Except the spoilers are all foregone conclusions, something anyone would either assume happened or hopes would happen. Some are arguably more mythology gag than canon. All are so subtle they wouldn't really spoil a non-fan choosing to play... only a lapsed fan coming back. <br /><br />There are so many things I want to change. There are so many things I see wrong just from re-reading to fix typos. All sorts of wording and diction issues. All sorts of places I could have been more vague about what happened in concrete and attached more emotion. All sorts of places I could have made Hilda and Cheren a little more real and made the high hopes pinned on Rosa, the player character, so much clearer.<br /><br />My Beta reader... it's ok if you don't know who any of these people are. It doesn't matter. I think I've done an adequate job making clear who Bianca is, how she relates to everyone in terms of her power and skill, and how much she loves her friends... and the implications of her loss in the tournament. If anything, I've made how Bianca knows this too clear.<br /><br />I also feel like I should make a note of my inspiration... I wrote this thing with "The Warrior" by Disturbed on repeat. ...for a Bianca fic. I'm a bad person. <br /><br />So uh, to my watchers who haven't beta'd for me... I hope you enjoy seeing what I look like without editing!Last (Edited Draft)http://seaplume.deviantart.com/art/Last-Edited-Draft-393094814
http://seaplume.deviantart.com/art/Last-Edited-Draft-393094814Tue, 13 Aug 2013 20:10:05 PDTLast (Edited Draft)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2SeaPlumehttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/e/seaplume.gif?12Copyright 2013-2015 SeaPlumeWord count: 2,983 words<br /><br />This is my edit of <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a><span class="user-symbol regular" data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip="" data-gruser-type="regular"></span></span>'s first draft entry for the Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest. <br /><br />This story is a fanfic for the Driftwood series by Marie Brennan. More information about it can be found <a class="external" href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.swantower.com/stories/driftwood/index.html">here</a>. Most of the stories can be read online for free.<br /><br />I tried to remain true to the original story <a href="http://fav.me/d6cnwpa">here</a> (which is excellently written, by the way!), so most of these edits are relatively minor. I hope my phrasing and sentence structure haven't altered the voice of the piece too far, since the first draft does sound very like the stories by Marie Brennan. I have altered some of the names, as suggested by the original author, but only in a minor way.<br /><br /><img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/star_full.gif" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="450" title="Star!"/> EDIT: <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a><span class="user-symbol regular" data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip="" data-gruser-type="regular"></span></span>'s rough draft entry came in third in the contest. Congratulations!There is no one who truly knows how to face the end that lies beyond the end of the world. One day, the seven Moons shine beneath the Sea of Enkre, as they are supposed to, and the next day you find yourself drifting away, your world diminished to a mere fragment of what it used to be. You open your eyes in the light of the Moons, and for a moment you forget about the cataclysm from the night before, or you think everything was just a bad dream. You look at the alabaster walls around you, still intact, and you tell yourself all is as before. You insist there was no Armageddon, no catastrophe, you tell yourself those galaxies, all those peopleWord count: 2,983 words<br /><br />This is my edit of <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a><span class="user-symbol regular" data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip="" data-gruser-type="regular"></span></span>'s first draft entry for the Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest. <br /><br />This story is a fanfic for the Driftwood series by Marie Brennan. More information about it can be found <a class="external" href="http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?http://www.swantower.com/stories/driftwood/index.html">here</a>. Most of the stories can be read online for free.<br /><br />I tried to remain true to the original story <a href="http://fav.me/d6cnwpa">here</a> (which is excellently written, by the way!), so most of these edits are relatively minor. I hope my phrasing and sentence structure haven't altered the voice of the piece too far, since the first draft does sound very like the stories by Marie Brennan. I have altered some of the names, as suggested by the original author, but only in a minor way.<br /><br /><img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/s/star_full.gif" width="17" height="16" alt=":star:" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="450" title="Star!"/> EDIT: <span class="username-with-symbol u"><a class="u regular username" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a><span class="user-symbol regular" data-quicktip-text="" data-show-tooltip="" data-gruser-type="regular"></span></span>'s rough draft entry came in third in the contest. Congratulations!Last (written by dparparita, edited by me)http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com/art/Last-written-by-dparparita-edited-by-me-392980603
http://story-of-a-mind.deviantart.com/art/Last-written-by-dparparita-edited-by-me-392980603Tue, 13 Aug 2013 12:05:21 PDTLast (written by dparparita, edited by me)nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2Story-of-a-Mindhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/t/story-of-a-mind.jpg?4Copyright 2013-2015 Story-of-a-MindThis is my entry for the second phase of the <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest</a><br />The story was written by ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> and it was my task to edit it for phase two.<br />See the original story by ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6cnwpa">Last (first draft)</a><br />Last is a fanfic for the Driftwood series. The series was (is being) written by Marie Brennan. For more info check out ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a>'s comments below her first draft. <br /><br />Dparparita's story was already very well written, so I felt editing was kind of difficult.<br />The overall story was well constructed and logical in itself , so there was only one minor logical mistake I removed. (the statement that he never stayed long enough, "not long enough for her to be happy". As the later parts of the story say she did not mind she only saw him seldom this was a contradiction to me.)<br /><br />We also discussed the issue if it should be added that "last" is also the boys name later, but I decided the title gains a wider meaning by not mentioning it, as the boy is also the last one left of his people or you could say he is the one that lasts. Also the name won't tell readers that do not know the original story of Driftwood much, but readers who know it will already recognize it in the title. So I left it as ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> had it from the start and did not mention it in the story.<br /><br />Most of the editing I did was aiming to increase the overall pace of the story by shortening sentences and making them easier to read. Because although I figured the process of the worlds vanishing is quite slow, I thought the slow languid flow of the story decrease the impact of the cataclysm a little.<br /><br />I also fumbled around with several sentences trying to enhance them a little.<br /><br />I really hope ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> likes the result of the edit, as I enjoyed her story a lot.No one truly knows how to face the end beyond the end of the world. One day, the seven Moons shine beneath the Sea of Enkre, as they are supposed to, and the next they are gone. You find yourself drifting away, your world diminished to a mere fragment. You open your eyes in the light of the Moons, and for a moment you forget. You forget the cataclysm of the night before, it fades from your mind like a strange and distant nightmare. The alabaster walls around you assure you: everything is still intact, all right, normal. There was no Armageddon, no catastrophe. Ridiculous, how could all those galaxies, all those people have perished? But thenThis is my entry for the second phase of the <a href="http://fav.me/d680r03">Beta-Reader Match-Making Contest</a><br />The story was written by ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> and it was my task to edit it for phase two.<br />See the original story by ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> here: <a href="http://fav.me/d6cnwpa">Last (first draft)</a><br />Last is a fanfic for the Driftwood series. The series was (is being) written by Marie Brennan. For more info check out ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a>'s comments below her first draft. <br /><br />Dparparita's story was already very well written, so I felt editing was kind of difficult.<br />The overall story was well constructed and logical in itself , so there was only one minor logical mistake I removed. (the statement that he never stayed long enough, "not long enough for her to be happy". As the later parts of the story say she did not mind she only saw him seldom this was a contradiction to me.)<br /><br />We also discussed the issue if it should be added that "last" is also the boys name later, but I decided the title gains a wider meaning by not mentioning it, as the boy is also the last one left of his people or you could say he is the one that lasts. Also the name won't tell readers that do not know the original story of Driftwood much, but readers who know it will already recognize it in the title. So I left it as ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> had it from the start and did not mention it in the story.<br /><br />Most of the editing I did was aiming to increase the overall pace of the story by shortening sentences and making them easier to read. Because although I figured the process of the worlds vanishing is quite slow, I thought the slow languid flow of the story decrease the impact of the cataclysm a little.<br /><br />I also fumbled around with several sentences trying to enhance them a little.<br /><br />I really hope ~<a class="u" href="http://dparparita.deviantart.com">dparparita</a> likes the result of the edit, as I enjoyed her story a lot.plainWhen I woke up Hack whttp://rockstarredflame.deviantart.com/art/plainWhen-I-woke-up-Hack-w-392882519
http://rockstarredflame.deviantart.com/art/plainWhen-I-woke-up-Hack-w-392882519Tue, 13 Aug 2013 00:41:06 PDTplainWhen I woke up Hack wnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2Rockstarredflamehttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/r/o/rockstarredflame.jpg?6Copyright 2013-2015 Rockstarredflame&nbsp;plain<br /><br /> When I woke up Hack was at the main computer.&rdquo;Oh good mornings shadow,&rdquo;he said vary calm. &ldquo;Report,&rdquo; I Yelled. &ldquo;You have an Email from your cousin in Paris,&rdquo; He told me. &ldquo;looks like you and me get to go on a little trip hack.<br /> I left a note that red:<br /> Dear Every one <br /> Me and hack Eye are taking a little trip to Paris. Well we are gone Clover is in charge. You WILL listen to her, do what she say's to, and treat her as if she was me. See you soon.<br /> You friend<br /> Shadow<br /> &ldquo;I hope they don't throw a party well we're gone,&rdquo; Hack just had to say. &ldquo;I hope you didn't just jinks us by sachapter 1http://rockstarredflame.deviantart.com/art/chapter-1-392873342
http://rockstarredflame.deviantart.com/art/chapter-1-392873342Mon, 12 Aug 2013 23:24:04 PDTchapter 1nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2Rockstarredflamehttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/r/o/rockstarredflame.jpg?6Copyright 2013-2015 Rockstarredflame&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; First day<br /><br /> &ldquo;Hey it's time,&rdquo; I told Hawk Eye. &ldquo;Ok but what is it &nbsp;time for,&rdquo; he tried to be funny. &ldquo;You know what it's time for now stop messing around LET'S GO!&rdquo; I yelled. &nbsp;&ldquo;Ok, Ok,&rdquo; he complained. &ldquo; ya now let's go,&rdquo; I tried to cheer him up,but I don't know how to do that yet.<br /> &nbsp;&ldquo;Ok now all you have to do is hand these cards out to some boys, can you do that,&rdquo; I asked sarcastic.&rdquo; Ya I think I can do that much,&rdquo; He said making me mad. &ldquo; Ok then see you at the cercle after school, got it,&rdquo; I kinda yelled that last Preguntas a una amigahttp://fanaticaazull.deviantart.com/art/Preguntas-a-una-amiga-392779573
http://fanaticaazull.deviantart.com/art/Preguntas-a-una-amiga-392779573Mon, 12 Aug 2013 15:44:22 PDTPreguntas a una amigaadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2fanaticaazullhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/f/a/fanaticaazull.png?6Copyright 2013-2015 fanaticaazullListo creo que es todoBien estas preguntas te las hago para saber mas de ti<br /><br />1.Que prefieres Fresa, Chocolate o Vainilla?<br /><br />2.Tienes mascotas y como se llaman?<br /><br />3.Termina la frace "Cuando hablo con tigo tengo ganas de..."<br /><br />4.Cual serie te gusta mas?<br /><br />5.Te clasificas como dulce o malvada<br /><br />6.Eres pervertida?<br /><br />7.Que banda o grupo juvenil odias mas<br /><br />8.Quien es mas sexy Ferb o Phineas?<br /><br />9.Dime cual es tu mayor sue&ntilde;o?<br /><br />10.Quien es tu mejor amiga en Da?<br /><br />Test para: Phinabella2016<br />Listo creo que es todo[EDITED] Episodes of Neville's Perspective.http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/art/EDITED-Episodes-of-Neville-s-Perspective-392721700
http://naruhina108.deviantart.com/art/EDITED-Episodes-of-Neville-s-Perspective-392721700Mon, 12 Aug 2013 12:42:44 PDT[EDITED] Episodes of Neville's Perspective.nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase2naruhina108http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/n/a/naruhina108.jpg?14Copyright 2013-2015 naruhina108Hi!~ This is for Phase Two of the Contest -&gt;&gt; <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a><br /><br />This is the work written by ~PandaUdon!!<br />[Original work] <a href="http://pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/Contest-HP-Fanfiction-Episodes-of-Neville-s-POV-384555068">pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/C&hellip;</a><br /><br />[E/N: Oh just in case you're wondering why there is a * in some words it means the term will be described to you at the end of the story if you don't understand~] <br />____<br /><br />A/N Well more like E/N (Editor's note)<br /><br />Anyway I was happy to receive this piece as myself I am a Harry Potter fan!~ <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> I enjoyed editing and reading it (though it took me awhile sorry!! DDD:!!)All there is to say is that it was a good story! But I do so hope that the author will like what I did with their work &gt;.&lt; (OMG I hope you win this contest!!) *Fingers crossed* &gt;.&lt;<br />____<br /><br />As the Beta-reader I thought this was well written and mostly found minor mistakes like just sometimes forgetting to describe the characters so that even HP fans can still enjoy this piece, or using more usage to making sentences too long like:<br /> <br />"There is one reason though to stay at Hogwarts that doesn't involve being forced into staying" <br /><br />into<br /><br />"Besides being forced upon here, there is another reason why we must not leave" <br /> <br /> So it basically says the same thing but more simpler. But besides that there wasn't a lot missed spellings, nor did it drift off from the plot. (I added this part since I thoughts the author should know what mistakes I found and changes I made anyway I talk too much <br /> <br /> -Out~<br /> NaruHina108&nbsp;-Episodes of Neville's Perspective in Hogwarts during the Second Wizarding War (EDITED)<br /> <br /> Neville Longbottom gazed at the passing scenery, feeling the slight rocking of the *Hogwarts Express*. Darkness had fallen onto the landscape hours ago, an indication that they were coming closer to their destination.<br /><br />"Everything is going to change now, isn't it?" Ginny Weasley mumbled breaking the long silence that hung over them.<br /><br />"At *Hogwarts*?" Luna Lovegood responded.<br /><br />"Yeah...at Hogwarts" They were thinking the same thing about their first impression when they first arrived at Hogwarts, it seemed like a place of starting a new chapterHi!~ This is for Phase Two of the Contest -&gt;&gt; <a href="http://jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/Beta-Reader-Match-Making-A-Fan-Fiction-Contest-376268979">jzlobo.deviantart.com/journal/&hellip;</a><br /><br />This is the work written by ~PandaUdon!!<br />[Original work] <a href="http://pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/Contest-HP-Fanfiction-Episodes-of-Neville-s-POV-384555068">pandaudon.deviantart.com/art/C&hellip;</a><br /><br />[E/N: Oh just in case you're wondering why there is a * in some words it means the term will be described to you at the end of the story if you don't understand~] <br />____<br /><br />A/N Well more like E/N (Editor's note)<br /><br />Anyway I was happy to receive this piece as myself I am a Harry Potter fan!~ <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/> I enjoyed editing and reading it (though it took me awhile sorry!! DDD:!!)All there is to say is that it was a good story! But I do so hope that the author will like what I did with their work &gt;.&lt; (OMG I hope you win this contest!!) *Fingers crossed* &gt;.&lt;<br />____<br /><br />As the Beta-reader I thought this was well written and mostly found minor mistakes like just sometimes forgetting to describe the characters so that even HP fans can still enjoy this piece, or using more usage to making sentences too long like:<br /> <br />"There is one reason though to stay at Hogwarts that doesn't involve being forced into staying" <br /><br />into<br /><br />"Besides being forced upon here, there is another reason why we must not leave" <br /> <br /> So it basically says the same thing but more simpler. But besides that there wasn't a lot missed spellings, nor did it drift off from the plot. (I added this part since I thoughts the author should know what mistakes I found and changes I made anyway I talk too much <br /> <br /> -Out~<br /> NaruHina108Splak time . With my sister .http://melwekhan.deviantart.com/art/Splak-time-With-my-sister-384806257
http://melwekhan.deviantart.com/art/Splak-time-With-my-sister-384806257Thu, 11 Jul 2013 23:50:49 PDTSplak time . With my sister .nonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1MelweKhanhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/m/e/melwekhan.jpg?1Copyright 2013-2015 MelweKhanOC mishe -me<br />OC broken - antonia26 (xxcutehxx)OC mishe -me<br />OC broken - antonia26 (xxcutehxx)<br /><div><img src="http://t10.deviantart.net/BGwZFVzUzr9c4a-I2EYbsh2mu_o=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre00/58dc/th/pre/i/2015/111/d/4/splak_time___with_my_sister___by_melwekhan-d6d3qep.jpg" alt="thumbnail" /></div>Thunderhttp://shamol10.deviantart.com/art/Thunder-384691010
http://shamol10.deviantart.com/art/Thunder-384691010Thu, 11 Jul 2013 14:00:44 PDTThunderadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1shamol10http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/h/shamol10.jpg?1Copyright 2013-2015 shamol10<br /><div><img src="http://t11.deviantart.net/rykOjN9w0mWgSk_xHizalzb4O8g=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre09/5bcb/th/pre/i/2013/192/f/3/thunder_by_shamol10-d6d19he.jpg" alt="thumbnail" /></div>Newkidshttp://shamol10.deviantart.com/art/Newkids-384689396
http://shamol10.deviantart.com/art/Newkids-384689396Thu, 11 Jul 2013 13:53:58 PDTNewkidsadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1shamol10http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/h/shamol10.jpg?1Copyright 2013-2015 shamol10<br /><div><img src="http://t01.deviantart.net/hSbfnSEO8t4bq62BlKmBdmuJW_I=/300x200/filters:fixed_height(100,100):origin()/pre10/0d0f/th/pre/i/2013/192/c/3/newkids_by_shamol10-d6d188k.jpg" alt="thumbnail" /></div>A Dark Horizonhttp://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-384672751
http://shades-ofgray.deviantart.com/art/A-Dark-Horizon-384672751Thu, 11 Jul 2013 12:46:44 PDTA Dark Horizonnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1Shades-ofGrayhttp://a.deviantart.net/avatars/s/h/shades-ofgray.jpg?2Copyright 2013-2015 Shades-ofGrayMy entry for the Beta match-making contest. I rushed it a bit but overall I'm fairly happy with it.<br />I recently started watching Cardcaptors again, which inspired this story. I decided to follow a similar story to the second movie, where Sakura is challenged with facing and sealing a new card. <br />Anyway, hope you enjoy <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/>Summer was over, that much was certain. As the sun set, fall had her gaze over the city, waiting as the moon rose in the oddly black sky above. It was as though the stars were afraid to shine, too scared to show themselves that night. But what was worse was the wind, a steady breeze that, as the moon rose, grew stronger, fingers of squalling gusts brushing through tree branches and abandoned swing sets.<br /><br />Had the citizens of Reidington been awake, they would have noticed the sudden darkness that took over the city as the clock hit midnight. They would have noticed the snap of branches in the rough winds, the starless sky and dark streets. TheyMy entry for the Beta match-making contest. I rushed it a bit but overall I'm fairly happy with it.<br />I recently started watching Cardcaptors again, which inspired this story. I decided to follow a similar story to the second movie, where Sakura is challenged with facing and sealing a new card. <br />Anyway, hope you enjoy <img src="http://e.deviantart.net/emoticons/b/biggrin.gif" width="15" height="15" alt=":D" data-embed-type="emoticon" data-embed-id="366" title=":D (Big Grin)"/>GerIta- Strongerhttp://angelicdeamon96.deviantart.com/art/GerIta-Stronger-383994180
http://angelicdeamon96.deviantart.com/art/GerIta-Stronger-383994180Mon, 08 Jul 2013 20:02:57 PDTGerIta- Strongeradultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1angelicdeamon96http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/a/n/angelicdeamon96.gif?7Copyright 2013-2015 angelicdeamon96Created specifically for the Beta-reader Match-making FanFic contest.<br />disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its characters&nbsp;I am weak. I always have been. I've always relied on others for protection or shelter. Grandpa Rome provided for me as a child, raising me to be fluent in the arts since I was not much good at war. After that Mr. Austria cared for me, making me clean because I caused trouble with any other task. When World War One came around the only thing I was capable of doing was curling up in a craftily hidden tomato crate and pretending to be a tomato fairy. It never even crossed my mind that I could be good at anything other than painting or cooking until my masterful plan was ruined by that harsh looking blonde. Had I known then what I knew now, I woCreated specifically for the Beta-reader Match-making FanFic contest.<br />disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia or its charactersin the woodshttp://pinkiepieooo0.deviantart.com/art/in-the-woods-378942100
http://pinkiepieooo0.deviantart.com/art/in-the-woods-378942100Tue, 18 Jun 2013 13:58:53 PDTin the woodsnonadultcontests/2013/betamatch/phase1pinkiepieooo0http://a.deviantart.net/avatars/p/i/pinkiepieooo0.gif?3Copyright 2013-2015 pinkiepieooo0the story in the woodsi was home from school and my friend said to follow her so i did. we went to a forest my mom said was very dangerous so i told her we couldnt go there. my friend started crying and took my hand very hard and ran with me still in her grasp. when we reached to the middle of the woods we were lost. i said we should go back but my friend ignored and went to the right. i stayed in my position in the middle of the woods scared and then i heard a scream. i thought it was her so i ran towards the scream and there standing wasn't just my friend but my friend was with this strange figure... i just stared at it with my eyes wide open and then...........the story in the woods