The Science Of Discipline vs Punishment

Here is a famous conditioning experiment done by Russian physiologist, Ivan Pavlov.

A dog salivated when it was being fed.

So Pavlov came up with an experiment. Whenever he gave food to his dogs, he also rang a bell. After repeating this procedure a number of times, he rang the bell on its own.

Now the bell on its own caused an increase in the dog’s salivation.

This experiment showed that the dog had learned to associate the bell with food and a new behavior was formed. This is called classical conditioning. The bell was originally a neutral stimulus but then became a conditioned stimulus. The salivation was a conditioned response.

But for children, especially younger ones, parents are their entire world. Parents are the main or sole providers for food, safety and all other necessities.

Children have no choice when it comes to choosing their own caretakers.

It’s about survival. It is life-or-death.

And let’s not forget, from a child’s perspective, adults are huge physically, almost like giants.

To kids, harsh treatment by caretakers can and often do feel like a life threatening experience.

2. Stress Hormone Elevation

When fear is presented frequently, the chronic elevated level of stress hormone will cause serious health problems for the child in the long run — brain shrinkage leading to memory and learning difficulties, suppressed immune system, hypertension, depression and anxiety disorder just to name a few.

3. Emotion Dysregulation

Fear is not the only emotion that can cause our thinking brain to become disconnected. Other types of stress, such as anger or rage can, too.

Because a frequently punished (or threatened to be punished) child is constantly in an alarmed state, the child’s fight-or-flight reaction kicks in easily even when they face mild frustration.

The child can react emotionally by acting out or having uncontrolled outbursts.

They cannot access their thinking brains.

They cannot effectively regulate their emotions.

Indeed, studies find that if the parenting style is harshor punishment is the predominant type of discipline, children from these homes exhibit weaker emotional regulation and more impulsive aggressive behavior.

Emotional Regulationand self-control are some of the most important skills young children should learn. Parent’s influence on the child’s ability to acquire those skills is paramount.

A child also learns to modulate emotions through attuning to and observing their parents’ reaction.

If parents are harsh whenever their child makes a mistake, the child learns to be harsh when others make mistakes.

Is that the lesson you want your child to learn?

Emotion is also contagious.

A punishment centric environment can induce persistent negative emotions in children making it even harder for kids to learn to self-control.

4. Bidirectional Influence

Sometimes, punishment can create a self-fulling prophecy.

While a child’s negative behavior leads to parents’ negative response, parents’ punitive reaction also leads to or amplifies a child’s externalizing behavior.

The impacts are bidirectional.

A child’s behavior and the parents’ responses can feed on each other and spiral into ever increasingly punitive punishment.

Eventually, the punitiveness of the punishment may escalate to abusive level.

5. Externalizing Behavior

Numerous studies have found that harsh or punitive punishments, especially those in the form of physical punishment, will lead to future aggression in children even though it may deter the child’s negative behavior in the moment.

6. Become Bullies And/Or Victims

When parents try to change behavior by fear, they are modeling how to use superior positions or strength to intimidate. They are also normalizing abusive behavior.

When these children go to school, some learn to do the same to other children who are weaker than them.

Some become victims of bullies themselves because their parents’ action has shown them that such behavior is acceptable.

Sometimes, their parents’ behavior has also caused the children to feel powerless in escaping or changing the situation. These children are then conditioned to feel powerless to escape if they end up in abusive relationships as grownups.

7. Worse Academic Performance

The world’s longest running longitudinal Panel study started in 1968 by University of Michigan reveals the relationship between punitive discipline and children’s school performance.

Researchers found that homes that use punitive discipline, such as punishment, lecturing or restricting activities (that are otherwise not affecting academic studies) are associated with lower academic achievement compared to homes that have warm parent-child interactions and use reasoning to teach.

The chain of psychological events that leads to the development of a disciplined child is a complex process.

Classical conditioning that works well for dogs simply does not work well for human.

Unfortunately, punitive punishment is prevalent because parents often get the immediate behavioral change they want. So they mistakenly think that it “works” but soon they will find out it doesn’t in the long run.

Using harsh punishment to fear-condition kids is ineffective at best and harmful at worst.

Even when it seems to work, the child has to pay a high price.

Effective Discipline Strategies

You must be thinking:

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“If we don’t punish, how else can parents discipline their child and make them behave?”

For many parents, punishing is the only way they know how to discipline.

But discipline means to teach. And you don’t have to punish to teach.

Imaging how effective it would be if a teacher used punishment to “teach”. Right?!

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Without further ado, here are 4 effective disciplinary measures that can help you adopt no punishment parenting.

#1 Be A Role Model

Have you noticed that when you make a certain move, your dog or cat will not imitate you, but your child will?

The ability to learn by observing and imitating others is unique to human.

My daughter used to drag through the morning routine. Every morning was the same struggle. She took her time playing while brushing her teeth. She could be brushing for 30 minutes and was still not done.

Identify root cause – I sat her down and tried to find out why she did that. After asking some questions, I found out that she really wanted to play, but I never gave her time. From the moment she woke up, I rushed her through every step …

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hurry, go potty!

hurry, eat your breakfast!

hurry, put on your clothes!

brush your teeth, fast!

are you done yet? we need to hurry … etc.

She felt that she could only play while brushing her teeth. So the problem was she never had time to play in the morning.

Address the source of problem – we brainstormed. Eventually, we decided that I would wake her up 15 minutes early every day. So in the first 15 minutes after she wakes up, she gets the free rein to play and I won’t rush her. Afterwards, she will focus on getting ready for school.

Explain natural consequence – I explained that we could not be late. So from now on, when it’s time to go to school, we will leave no matter what, even if she still hasn’t changed out of her pajamas, brushed her teeth, combed her hair, etc. We will just GO. That is the natural consequence.

Use encouraging words – When she was able to get everything done on time by herself, I would praise her for being efficient and making sure she wouldn’t be late.

By following these steps, I was able to diffuse the conflicts and resolve the issue we had every morning.

No punishment needed. Just a natural consequence.

“What About Time Out?”, you may ask.

What Is Time Out?

Time out, also known as corner time, is a psychological behaviorism strategy developed by Arthur Staats through experiments performed on his own children.

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Originally, time out means time out from reinforcement.

The idea is that removing the child from the reinforcing activity for a brief period of time can discourage inappropriate behavior.

This form of discipline is especially preferred in the western countries over reprimanding, scolding or spanking. Many pediatricians and positive discipline advocates even name this as an alternative to punishment because it is not seen as a punitive measure.

Now, here is a word of caution on using time out …

Although there are many studies on the benefits of using time out to discipline, most parents do not use time out the way it is used in research.

Many parents simply take the name “timeout” and the basic idea and then make it an alternative punishment, not an alternative to punishment.

Here are some examples of time-out used inappropriately:

timeouts that last for one or two hour.

timeouts that require the child to sit still and not move an inch.

timeouts that require the child to face the corner.

timeouts that require the child to stand in front of other kids to be humiliated.

timeouts that are carried out in closets or a locked place.

timeouts that are accompanied by scolding before and/or afterwards.

etc.

These treatments are just as harmful to children as other types of coercive punishments.

In a 2003 study at UCLA, researchers found that in brain imaging, the effect of rejection looks the same as the effect of physical pain.

So when timeouts are used as punishment by isolation, humiliation or fear, they can be just as detrimental to children’s brains and mental health.

One striking trait of this parenting style is that although authoritative parents do not have as many strict rules as their authoritarian counterparts, authoritative parents are extremely consistent in enforcing those rules..

If you are reading this article, you probably have already read this advice many times in other articles or blogs.

But being consistent is so much easier said than done!

Have you found yourself lapsing once in a while when you’re too tired to carry out the consequence? Or when you’re too exhausted to deal with another crying or whining?

In the morning, I am often tempted to change my daughter’s outfit, brush her teeth and comb her hair for her. I can do these tasks so much faster. Then I won’t have to listen to her screaming, crying and pleading when it’s time to go and she still isn’t ready.

But then, my daughter won’t have the opportunity to learn to get ready by herself efficiently. She also won’t experience the natural consequences necessary for her to realize that her action (or inaction) has real consequences in life.

Every morning, I need to bite the bullet and suppress my urge to take over the entire routine for her. She had to learn. And she did.

The Role of the Family Context in the Development of Emotion Regulation. By Amanda Sheffield Morris, Oklahoma State University, Jennifer S. Silk, University of Pittsburgh, Laurence Steinberg, Temple University, Sonya S. Myers and Lara Rachel Robinson, University of New Orleans

The Child’s Behavioral Pattern as a Determinant of Maternal Punitiveness. By Raymond K. Mulhern, Jr. and Richard H. Passman http://www.jstor.org/stable/1128948?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents

The Contributions of Ineffective Discipline and Parental Hostile Attributions of Child Misbehavior to the Development of Conduct Problems at Home and School. By Snyder J, Cramer A, Afrank J, Patterson GR.

Immediate and Sustained Effects of Parenting on Physical Aggression in Canadian Children Aged 6 Years and Younger. By Benzies, Karen, Keown, Leslie-Anne, Magill-Evans, Joyce

Slapping and spanking in childhood and its association with lifetime prevalence of psychiatric disorders in a general population sample. By MacMillan HL, Boyle MH, Wong MY, Duku EK, Fleming JE, Walsh CA.

Friendship as a moderating factor in the pathway between early harsh home environment and later victimization in the peer group. By Schwartz, D., Dodge, K. A., Pettit, G. S., Bates, J. E., & The Conduct Problems Prevention Research Group. (2000)