Soulmate sex: is it different?

Is soulmate sex different? I believe that it is. What's different is how the act penetrates not only the body, but the soul.

Are you the receiver?

Why is sex such a big deal? In my view, it's not about morality. It's about energy.

During sex, two energy bodies merge. In a heterosexual relationship, the woman (literally) receives the man into her body. Most of the time, it's the energy of the man must be absorbed and transformed by the woman.

If you are a woman (or tend to be the ‘receiver’) and are concerned about energy and vibration, ask yourself: by sleeping with this person, what are you accepting into your body? Is this acceptable to you? This is a legitimate question that has nothing to do with morality. Soulmate sex will not drain you. It will nourish you.

Sex as release of anger (major ick)

“... relationships from hell and/or the misuses of sexual energy can offer us a very real opportunity for a more conscious and empowered relationship to our own sexuality.”

— from The Love Alchemist's Notebook

Here's a story about what I mean. Many years ago, a friend was having trouble with her husband. When they met, they were high octane in the bedroom. Two kids and a few years later, she didn't have the same energy, though she still loved her husband. They began to argue about sex.

I nearly gagged when in an argument, he said that ‘he's under alot of stress and after a bad day, he needs the release’. I thought: How'd ya like to be the receipient of THAT energy in your body? To be literally pumped full of someone else's stress, anger and frustration! Screw that action. Pardon the pun. ☺ That is not soulmate sex.

Sex as power

In astrology, sex and power are inextricably linked, represented by Scorpio, Pluto and the 8th house. We all have the capacity for intense sexuality. The questions become: how do we handle such power? How do we respond in the face of it? How do we get soumate sex help when we need it?

Fellow astrologer Jessica Shepherd has this to say in her book, A Love Alchemist's Notebook:

“Our sexuality is undeniably bound to our choice and to our personal power. By becoming conscious of our sexual power, we realize that it's sacred and it's our choice alone as to what we wish to do with it.”

Passion or obsession?

Great passion can feel as if we're lifting out of the physical world and touching something more immense than ourselves. Great passion happens during soulmate sex. It's an energy exchange. When the connection is over, each person returns whole.

Emotional obsession happens when someone associates this intense feeling with something outside themselves. Instead of experiencing and separating, they fixate on it, needing the energy to fill them up.

Obsession is not about the other person. It's about something that requires healing within the person who is obsessed. This is a complex topic. I'm not a mental health expert — so please don't take this as the final word.

Seduction and surrender

Many years ago, I bought a print of a beautiful, erotic etching by artist Jurgen Gorg called Versuchung, or ‘Temptation’.

It was the inspiration for my book Moondance. In essence, the piece cracked something open inside me and I began to write passionately.

In the scene my dear protagonist Althea has been ‘seduced‘ by a being who tempts her. The source of this being is revealed and I won't spoil the surprise. Just want you to have a glimpse.

As he materialized, he became heavier, and she pulled him to the floor and opened her legs for him, pulling him on top of her, willing his body to take shape so he could slip fully inside her wetness, penetrating her deeply, sliding over her as he thrust and her hips ground against him, rocking them until she orgasmed in pulsating waves.

The harder she tried to make love with him, the more he slipped away. He was inconsistent and ever changing, just out of her reach. She was impatient and her movements became rougher, more insistent, until he pinned her to the mattress and she collapsed, exhausted, crying in his arms, and time slipped away.

...

She got up from bed once in those hours, and it was like leaving a lover to death’s slumber, the pain so severe, she couldn’t wait to return. As the day went on, the more she believed in him, and the more real he became.

When he lay next to her, she could feel him in her pores, the crevices of her body, her sex, joining them together. Look at me, he’d say again, but she remembered the pain, and so the times she was with him, when they touched each other, her eyes remained closed. Part of her was afraid of what she’d see. Part of her was afraid of what she’d feel. The truth was simpler. She was afraid that when she opened her eyes, he’d be gone.

Whew. Did I write that? Yup. It's the lead-in to the climax of Moondance. Pardon the pun.

Chaste by choice

I've also heard of couples who decide mutually not to have sex for a time, if they feel their energies aren't up to it. Now this may not be for everyone — but to me, this is representative of soulmate sex because it's conscious, honest and done with mutual respect for themselves and each other.

A natural expression of who we are

A retired psychiatrist friend says that sex should be a natural, comfortable extension of each other, and of the relationship. I thought that this was a lovely way to describe soulmate sex.

This means, a sharing a connection of minds, bodies and spirit and enjoying sexuality for the gift that it is. It also means that optimal frequency and duration really comes down to the preferences of the couple.

Soulmate sex could be fiery, passionate, or kinky if the decision is made mutually. It could be gay, straight or alternative — why not? It may be gentle and comfortable, or it may be wildly playful.

Soulmate sex represents a physical manifestation of emotional intimacy. It's an act of love with another similar and compatible soul which ultimately helps us know and accept ourselves.

It creates a safe space to explore all facets of our desires, contributing to our individual journey to become whole.