about facing life with hope and confidence, no matter the diagnosis

I write because so many people have told me to write a book about my life, but I have always felt no one would believe this "stranger than fiction" life if I did write it all down. However, after my Dad died, I was continually plagued with his last requests-write your story, Cindy. God has given it to you for a reason. You can help people by showing them what God has done for you through the trials and tribulations of your life.
And so this blog...because I don't know how to write a book. I write just like I talk. So just expect stories where God has been protecting me, teaching me, molding me, refining me and that means through fire! I never know what to expect next nor should you. Seek the Lord while He may be found.

Archive for the ‘Prayer’ Category

There has been a lot of questions, comments from both the “Christian” and secular world. Before anyone reads what I have written, please understand, I am not condemning anyone for an action they may have taken. God is always there to forgive. He says that He forgives all sin even your rejection of Him right up until you die-then it’s too late. I know that’s why Jesus came, because God is love and mercy and grace. But He also requires repentance and acceptance of His Son’s sacrifice, not so that you have to obey a bunch of rules and regulations and “conform.” But so that HE alone, who loves you so much, comes inside that body, that spirit-regardless of what you’ve done, where you’ve been, what you’ve said–and makes you clean and pure again. It’s really a miracle in and of itself. So understand please, I am not holding myself up as a paragon of virtue, but a sinner who found a savior.

I wrote this paragraph below in response to someone’s query of God help us…in response to the videos. He gets a lot of readers to his posts. then I thought I could do no less.

In Psalm 139, it says that God is there when our innermost parts are knit together. Why in the world does no one think that abortion is not murder for convenience? Now that they can sell body parts, it has become about that too. No wonder God has taken His Hand of protection off of America. How can He bear looking down upon our world today?
The disciples asked Jesus when they could look for His coming again. He said, “When it is like the days of Noah.” I would challenge anyone to go back and read about the wickedness on the earth when God was grieved that He had even created man. Yet found one good man, Noah. Noah and his family were saved because Noah listened and believed.
If we were to look around today at the wickedness in our world, I am sure that those in Noah’s world, could not have even imagined such evil! And yet the Lord delays. I am sure it is for that last one to come to know Him in a personal way. They say that thousands in China and across Asia come to Jesus everyday. People in India, and in so many Muslim countries are seeing visions of Jesus or dreaming of Him because that is the only way they might hear of Him, but they want to know the TRUE GOD.
The TRUE GOD says in the book of Isaiah, Seek me, and you will find me.
God is not a liar. Try Him, anyone who reads this and doesn’t know Him.

Something marvelous happened today to me through work and I thought I would share it quickly. I do share my faith often with people who I am working with as you may know. In this particular case, a brand new firm that I hope to do business with, the Managing Partner told me last night that unfortunately she would be out today as her daughter was having surgery. I simply remarked that I would pray for her daughter, which I did. What was amazing was the email conversation that started as a result. That Managing Partner is a fellow believer in Christ. I asked when the surgery was taking place and it was happening as we were emailing. I had already been praying in my spirit, but I stopped everything and began to pray in earnest for this precious daughter. The Lord indicated to me that it was a tumor before I was even told it was a tumor. So I did know how to pray. I wasn’t positive, but I thought I knew what the leading was. When I wrote back and asked “how are things now?” I was told the daughter was out surgery and the tumor looks to be benign. Of course, I was praising God, my amazing, wonderful God for answering our prayers. Two mothers praying together for a daughter. Then I thought, how terrible of me, to not have expected this of my Lord. He answers prayers all the time. The problem is we don’t pray together, believing Him. He who put the stars and the sun and the moon in their places! He can do anything!

I read from Sarah Young and her Jesus Calling devotional. Today it says, TRUST ME IN EVERY DETAIL OF YOUR LIFE. nothing is random in My kingdom. Everything that happens first into a pattern for good, to those who love Me. Instead of trying to analyze the intricacies of the pattern, focus your energy on trusting Me and thanking Me at all times. Nothing is wasted when you walk close to Me. Even your mistakes and sins can be recycled into something good through My transforminggrace.

While you were living in darkness, I began to shine the Light of My Presence into your sin-stained life. Finally I lifted you up out of the mire into My marvelous Light. Having sacrificed My very Life for you, I can be trusted in very facet of your life.

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.” Jeremiah 17:7

We are assured and know that [God being a partner in their labor] all things work together and are [fitting into a plan] for good to and for those who love God and are called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28 AMP

“he drew me up out of a horrible pit {a pit of tumult and of destruction], out of the miry clay (froth and slime), and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings.” Psalm 40:2

“But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.” I Peter 2:9

Looking forward to the new year can be exciting. It can also be a time of fear, especially in light of the events going on in our world right now. As I have been reading my Bible, I am reminded of a favorite scripture: “For I know the plans I have for you, ” declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11. As I refresh myself in the Peace of His Presence, I have gone back to Psalm 31: 19-20 How great is Your goodness, which You have stored up for those who fear You, which You have wrought for those who take refuge in You before the sons of men! You hide them in the secret place of Your presence from the conspiracies of man; You keep them secretly in a shelter from the strife of tongues. And John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]

You may be saying that is all well and good Cindy, but how do I actually do it? I understand the question. I had to ask the Lord also because even people like me who know Lord well and know the scriptures well, have difficult times in their lives. Family, jobs, finances, friends, community circumstances, can separately or combine to make even the “strongest Christian” buckle. These things are exactly why we have issues in the churches, in marriages, in families that we do. Who then is the enemy? I’ve said it before. Satan is the enemy. He gets in and will do his best to mess up any family that’s just trying to get along, just trying to go to church, get ahead , just a little. One doesn’t have to be zealous for him to go after that family, because he doesn’t want anybody anywhere in a Christian church. The name of Jesus Christ [Christ means Messiah] offends many. That’s exactly why you can have little Muslim children praying to Allah in Maryland 5 times a day out of the classroom, but what do you think the uproar would be if you asked for Christian children to be allowed to come out of the classroom even once a day to pray to Jesus Christ? Sorry, I guess I could be considered a zealot for my Jesus!

I know that if I go to Him day by day, I can achieve a victorious life regardless of my circumstances around me. He has been teaching me that for the past several years. It has been a very hard one battle. A very close battle, because as you know there were times I was fighting for my life. There have been times that it has been difficult financially because my husband is retired on social security and I live on commission and so I very much depend on the Lord and what He does in my business. But as Paul said, I have learned to live on what HE gives me and it is enough. I don’t desire more than HE gives. There are so many scriptures that have uplifted me through these years that I cannot begin to list them all, but please indulge as I list a few: The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Palm 34: 17-18

For we walk by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7;

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever! Amen. Ephesians 3: 20-21

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus I Thessalonians 5:18 I feel a need to give a bit of commentary here. God did NOT make the bad circumstances, He allowed them. There is a huge difference. Satan always means it for bad, but God can bring good out of the bad. It is a matter of trust.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble. Psalm 46: 1

You know my husband is always saying life with me is never dull! Even though we have not had any late night trips to the ER or terrible illnesses or anything health wise and that was what our life for many years was built around. Now we live in a place I will call almost Paradise. I had on short sleeves today after church, my long sleeve sweater slung over my shoulders. Yesterday we had gone down to the beach to a funky little place a friend had told us about, for lunch. This was a different beach area than we had visited before so we got out and walked around a bit, a gallery, a music and art store–all funky and fun, before going on to walk on the beach. We will go back again I hope!

What I am saying in my long-winded way is “don’t be afraid” God is right there, reaching out to you. Reach back, He will take your hand. Tell Him you aren’t even sure if He’s real or there. But I assure you HE IS! Just because you doubt, doesn’t make Him less so GOD! You were created with knowledge of Him, yep, deep down in that heart and soul of yours. And in the quiet of the night, perhaps when everything isn’t so great, because let’s face it NOBODY’S LIFE IS PERFECT ALL THE TIME, that’s the perfect time to reach out. He’ll be there. I do stake my life on it.

As many of you know, I consider it quite an accomplishment when I get to celebrate another birthday! And so it was this year too! First, I should count my many blessings: my husband of 34 years whom I love so much! My wonderful kids-actually grown women now and son-in-law, and 3 fabulous grand girls! Then there are all of my extended family, my 5 siblings and their families. I have such great sib in-laws, and nieces and nephews and 2 grand-nephews. Then there are my cousins and their families. I look back through the pictures of my life and it has passed so fast so far! I have so many wonderful memories. Not that I plan on stopping making memories, but today I feel very blessed. The picture which I will attach and am going to try to change on the Gravatar is what we took last Friday night. I was full of fresh oysters, shrimp and pompano (a wonderful fish)! All fixed at home, so far we do it better than anybody we’ve found locally! And I do make this wonderful salsa to go with the fish and shrimp. Marvelous!

As I have said so many times, it is the Lord’s blessing that I am here. We do believe that we are living in Paradise on earth anyway, back in FL. I have been able to find some genuinely caring doctors who have gone above and beyond to see to my care. I thought that I would simply see a breast reconstruction surgeon when I got to FL as that was what I was cautioned by my oncologist. I had a lump that was needle biopsied after an MRI couldn’t tell clearly what the lump was. When I brought the MRI to the FL surgeon and we discussed the lump, he said he wasn’t as concerned with getting that out as he was with the picture of my other breast. He showed us that it clearly showed the implant was millimeters from pushing through my skin! This would have been catastrophic on many levels he said. Immediate overwhelming infection, and less so, they couldn’t put the implant back in for 6-12 months. He emphasized the need for immediate surgery which I couldn’t believe they got approved so quickly with my insurance company. Once he got in, he said he found a mess. The previous breast surgeon I had after my double mastectomy had put in silicone implants, one that ruptured. When he replaced it, he never bothered to clean out the silicone. So it’s been flowing around loose in my body for all these years. It probably has something to do with the immunity disorder that I have as I have read that the silicone ruptures did lead to immunity issues in people. All I can say is it’s a good thing he is retired!!! Because of all the mess, it took 3 hours to do my surgery. This surgeon has been incredible. I asked him about his bill and he said I would never see one. I asked if he was sure that Mentor would pay for my implants, he said absolutely. The hospital care was great too. Even his follow-up care has been above-board. He saw me in the office on a Sunday last week because of course, I have some infection. But he wanted to check me himself instead of sending me to the ER. Can you believe that? And he had already driven an hour out-of-town to do military stuff for 9 days. He is the only guy they use!!

Today I had another block in my back after seeing a neurosurgeon who wants to do a sacroiliac join fusion which he thinks will help my pain hugely. But the catch is being off of my right leg weight for 6-8weeks and I live in a townhouse. I need a stair lift and right now that isn’t doable anymore than more surgery is–maybe late this fall? In the meantime, I have a great pain management doc and he schedules me really fast. We saw him Wed and I had the block today. I have no pain at all in the joint. It usually takes a few days for the muscle going over to my hip to get the medicine to, but here is hoping it works for a while!

I have had the most difficult of business weeks. I don’t think I could have managed without my devotional and all of the scriptures from Jesus Calling. Please pray for me that next week goes well as it is a very important week of interviews!

So now we have been here 3 months. Slowly making friends with our neighbors and people at the church. It’s been hard with me being down, but I hope to start having people over for dinner! And I can’t wait for Bible Study to start in the fall. Bible Study and Sunday School that’s where you make your best friends.

I told ya’ll I would write when we got all settled, but I have also been waiting on the Lord to tell me what He wanted me to write about besides myself and my wonderful new home and town. Yesterday He gave it to me in the form of an opinion letter in our local daily newspaper. I am so thrilled and surprised that they print the letters that they do! But then I remember that I am living here in the most conservative part of the state. How I wish I could bundle this up and take it and sprinkle it over the cities of America like fairy dust! But only turning back to our Lord will make a difference in people’s actions, their behaviors, their hearts. I have the permission of the permission of the person who wrote this letter to the editor to reprint it here, word for word. I was told it would be great that the word would go out to more than just our little area. I intend to publish this same letter on my LinkedIn page and Facebook page. I want it to get as much attention as possible. This letter puts so clearly into words all of my thoughts and concerns that I have sometimes expressed here and with my family and friends before, but not so well. This is a beautifully written, crystal clear indictment of those in Washington, DC.

For those of you who cry “Racist!” when anyone disagrees with or criticizes this president, it’s understandable , because he and his cohorts do it! It is unseemly and demeaning to have the leaders of this great nation broadcast to the world that they are being mistreated or that some legislation won’t be passed because of racism. President Obama, Attorney General EricHolder, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid all have sunk to this level.

And should you think we conservatives even care about skin color, believe me when I say that those four politicians are equally regarded as demagogues and unworthy of the offices they hold.

It seems that progressives are the racists, because it suits their agenda.

How did this happen? How did those moral, spiritual and mental midgets become leaders of the greatest nation the world has ever known? Where are the giants? Where are the men and women of integrity, wisdom and strong moral character? where are the leaders who care more about people and country than getting elected next time?

If we don’t find the giants soon, we may go down in the annals of history like mighty Rome, destroyed by corruption from within. Our Rome is burning. It is not too late to put out the fire, but the majority in the country will have to wake up and care about our decline. We are on a slippery slope, ceding our freedom and liberty to narcissistic miscreants who are intent on our downfall.

Don’t you just love that letter? Puts it all in perspective, right? Certainly says it better than I ever could have! I’ll have more to say about our new life and what else is going on real soon, because lot’s of stuff is and I need your prayers.

I know that it has been some time since I have posted anything. For my faithful followers and inquirers, I do apologize. I have been going through some of the most difficult times of my life, though, and as I have sought the Lord, today, HE has answered me, most graciously.

Back in February, I had to go to the ER again, because they thought I had another clot in my lungs. It turned out to be pleurisy which is a really painful lung condition. it hurts when you talk, when you laugh and when you cough–all of which I do a lot! Unfortunately the CT scan showed a couple of spots on my lung. I wasn’t really concerned until my GYN doc who had found a lump in my breast just the month before (yes, I’ve already had breast cancer once) was really upset about the possibility of the connection of the two issues and asked me to see a pulmonologist for a referral to an oncologist for a complete check. Notice please, this wasn’t my idea, but my doctor’s. I saw a pulmonologist right away, unfortunately not my own. What a mistake, that!! He didn’t seem to even know what cough variant asthma was! Nor did he know how to prescribe my cough syrup! My pharmacist thought that was a riot! At any rate, he looked right through me. Ever had anyone do that to you? I had no idea what his issue with me was-I had never met him. My pulmonologist and I had a good relationship. She had cough variant asthma as well, so she certainly understood my issues. I had a terrible cough when I was there and certainly could have used a shot of decadron which is what my pulmonologist in Tampa would have given me. He was only concerned with the fact that he couldn’t hear me wheeze. Cough variant asthma people don’t wheeze–we cough!! Obviously he was no help at all as it took me 2 days to get the cough medicine!

That night I had a really, really bad asthma attack. It was like back in 2011 when I had all those really bad attacks. I think I was so worn down from all I have been through this year physically and mentally, I just didn’t have much strength to fight the spiritual battle that I have been able to do since that May 2011. On top of that, I started getting opinions from everybody about what I should do, or not do, think or not think. Truly if I had not had the Lord Himself to go to for truth, I might have listened to wrong advice, wrong opinions. I did have a great ER doc. He referred me to an oncologist/hematologist. She turned out to be one of the most caring doctors I have ever met! Unfortunately I am not out of the woods yet as to the spots on my lungs–I will have to have follow up scans every few months. But at least she has me set on the right course for care!

My journey took me to Breast Specialists of Atlanta. I understand they are the very best. First my insurance company insisted on a mammogram, which is very difficult when one has had reconstructive surgery and implants after a double mastectomy! Imagine my surprise when I found out that I had silicone implants! I thought for the last 11 years that I had saline implants because the first implants had leaked. Well, unfortunately, so have these 11 year old implants! There’s a big blob of silicone right on the outside of my left side where one of the “problems” was! The second problem has turned out to be a benign cyst that I just got the news back on today!! PRAISE THE LORD! I had so asked that I not have cancer back. I really didn’t know how in the world I was going to handle working with chemo and radiation! Thankfully, the Lord heard my prayers, those of my husband, my sister and my daughters, my brother and sister in law! How precious have they been to pray for me! No diatribes or opinions-just care. When someone is hurting, that is all they need to hear, love and support!!

So physically, bottom line for me at the moment is to get the implants replaced with saline and get that silicone, once and for all, out of my body! That’s the first thing I have to do when I get to our new home in Niceville, Florida! Yes, that is the reason for the title of my post today. I think a lot of you have known we haven’t been thrilled with our circumstances or the quality of the life here. My husband has always wanted to retire to the Panhandle! I would always say no, too many hurricanes hit there, no medical care, etc, etc. But he has spent the last four months doing research on the area and we’ve gone down there several times for weekends. I was wrong. There is good medical care, even a new hospital and where we will live is not in an evacuation area– it’s about 15 minutes from the beach across the bay bridge. And the people are so nice! It’s small town America! Call me corny, but I am ready for it! I don’t need the big city! We are so excited about this! We think we have already found a church too, but we will visit awhile till the Lord says for sure. And as for my Bible study? I can keep up with my BSF International or go back to Precept upon Precept by Kay Arthur. I did that for several years before I started in BSF. Our church has some great choices for women’s ministry as well as men.

I could go on and on about how much better we think our lives will be in our new city. Our new home, which will not be much more money than what we are paying now for a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apt, is a 3 bedroom, 2 1/2 bath townhome with a garage and backyard patio! We will feel like we are in a home again. Last Saturday night, the people above us had a fight from 12:30-2:30 AM. It was very loud, lots of screaming going on. It was really scary. The weekend before, they were vacuuming at 12:30 am. Really and truly, I can’t wait to leave next week!

Oh and if anyone wonders what about my wonderful job? My boss said when I asked him if he minded me moving to the Panhandle, “no, you’re just changing a zip code and an area code. whatever makes you happy.” He’s great, isn’t he?

The verse in the title came from my devotional this morning. I should finish it… “The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; He has become my salvation”. The Lord told me that hardships come my way as part of my journey. He is careful as He allows them and exactly how hard they are! But He said to not retreat in fear from the afflictions, since they are among His most favored gifts. This was from the book JESUS CALLING by SarahYoung.

Now let me tell you why this was so very important to me this morning. Last night, we had gotten home from a short visit to the Panhandle of Florida (more news on that later) but I had been short of breath and my chest had hurt increasingly as I coughed or laughed. So I had used my nebulizer, taken my other meds and just gone to bed early. I knew there was no way that I wanted to go to the ER on a Saturday night in Atlanta! I slept most of the night propped up on multiple pillows and had a neck pillow for my head. My husband had thought a heating pad would help, so I used that too. Still we woke up early, not having gotten a lot of sleep. It was a rough night! Oh how much I prayed about NOT going to the hospital again! I prayed in the early morning, really having a running conversation with the Lord because by then, He had told me to go. I begged and pleaded not to have to or even just to go to Immediate Care, but no, He was so insistent. I can’t laugh, because it hurts, but I think now back on our conversation, He was very gentle, but like I said, so compelling me to go there!

So off we went. Everyone thought I had thrown another clot. I kept saying, ” I don’t have sticky blood!”, but the symptoms were there. The problem was that they needed to get an IV in the crook of the arm area. NOT the best vein area for me. I have the tiniest veins! It took 2 IV nurses and a sonogram machine to get the IV in a vein that didn’t blow! I have bruises everywhere else. The good news is/was that it wasn’t another clot! The bad news is that it seems I have pleurisy-and oh my goodness, does it ever hurt! They treat it with steroids, just like my asthma, so once they kick in, perhaps I’ll feel better. Steroids generally gave me energy and took away my RA pain. I certainly pray they will take away the lung pain. I have to admit to being pretty miserable with it.

And yet, I truly can say, thank you Lord! Thank you for the check up which I apparently needed. Yes, He knew that. And yes, I can praise Him through the pain as He is my Strength and my Song. Still, I would appreciate your prayers as I recuperate.

I have progressed to being able to type for short periods. I don’t have to use all caps, can use punctuation, paragraphs and the sort so I thought I might finally be ready for an update.

I had the MRI of my shoulder that I had said I would have after Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, it showed that I had fractured my shoulder-and 4 weeks later not healed and that I had 3 tears in different places including the rotator cuff! When I saw my doctor, he was surprised about the fracture as I was, not so much about the rotator cuff tear but the others absolutely! He said “No wonder you hurt!” And I said, ” Did you think I was faking?” He of course did not, but thought that I was in an inordinate amount of pain for what he had thought I was dealing with! Actually I think the fact that I manage with the pain that I deal with at all is a miracle and be able to work too. So now that the shoulder is so very complicated, he has decided to pass me up/down to “more qualified” surgeon doctors in his practice! I guess I should be thankful as my daughters thought. I really liked him though, and now at the end of the year, I have to start all over with a new doctor. He knew I wasn’t happy about it, but advised me that anybody would insist on the fracture healing before operating.

So on to my next challenge! I had to have GYN (female) surgery on the 19th. This is NOT SOMETHING I AM GOING TO DISCUSS HERE! Surprise! I know that I have been really open about my foibles and life and all, but except to say that if I had not had this surgery, that sometime in the near future, my life could have been at serious risk. That being said, it also was terribly painful! The doc said, oh, it will be like you had a baby. Ok that wasn’t so bad except that’s when I found out I was allergic to iodine. They used to put it in a spray on solution for episiotomy incisions. THAT was much worse than having the baby! So I thought, it couldn’t be that bad! WRONG!! This is 62 like having a baby! God did not make us to have babies at 62 except as He has reminded me Sarah at 100 had Issac -in the desert and with no drugs! So I guess i need to quit complaining except that I don’t seem to be healing well here either.

Why have I shared such information now with all of you? Because I know you pray for me. So I am asking for all of your prayers… it has made such a difference in my life before… I need to heal. I know I have the immunity issue, but I wouldn’t have thought that would impede healing, maybe it is, I don’t know. The Lord has not told me He will not heal me, he has just offered comfort in other ways. My dear husband is doing his best to feed me nutritious things that will promote my healing… but like I said, the shoulder fracture was still “very fractured” at 6 weeks, so I only know to go to the Lord in prayer.

I remind Him of all of scriptures on healing like the familiar Isaiah 53:5 …and by His wounds we are healed… This is important for all of us though James 5:16 …pray for each other that you may be healed… and 1st Peter 2:24 …by his wounds you have been healed. But I do think the key is praying for one another. So while I am praying for ya’ll, please be praying for me!

I hope my techie friends like my title! But truly I feel like God gave it to me yesterday when He began speaking to me about coming back to the blog and about what I would be writing. He said first an apology was in order: and it definitely is! I never have the right to use this blog to spout off about my own feelings or political agenda especially when those feelings expressed in the way in which they were, would never have been expressed by Jesus Himself! So I definitely apologize!

Next, He told me about some of what we are going to be talking about-first-my absolutely fabulous weekend with my dear sister from Florida who flew in so that we could go to Women of Faith this weekend. Now if you have been reading me for more than a year, you know all about WOF, but for those of you who do not know, please let me tell you that if you are female, you should stop reading this right now and go online to WomenofFaith.org. Look and see if any of the dates left in the year are near a city near you. If so, I would tell you that you should let nothing stop you from going with every female you can tell/talk into going with you. And even if you go by yourself, you will make friends! You will be astonished and astounded, laugh till you can’t anymore, cry like a baby, sing with your whole heart and that’s just the first night!!! Then you go the whole next day, Saturday. It is something I look forward to all year. My sister and I have been going about 10 years-maybe more-we are not exactly sure. All we know is that nothing we are doing in our lives keeps us from going together to a conference. Can you tell we highly recommend this? So if you haven’t gone to one and can, please, please for your own very special good–I promise you this conference is made for us females in a way that no other conference has satisfied–for me, anyway.

So let me tell you first what was the most important thing I heard over and over all weekend? Our God is just absolutely in love with us, His people!! He is NOT Like the Principal or Headmaster spanking you or punishing you or handing out demerits! That’s not Who God is! He is our loving, most generous, heavenly Father Who wants to do good and wonderful things for His Children. Yes, I am hearing those of you who don’t have a good father image in your background and so say, ” I don’t trust that image.” My earthly father or stepfather beat, abused, abandoned, sexually abused, didn’t provide for, was a drunk, was a hypocrite, emotionally distant, didn’t love me enough or at all, whatever else that person did who hurt you. I am here to tell you that God is more than enough of a FATHER in every way to take the risk with Him that He is Who He says He is.

Luke 1:37 clearly proclaims ” God can do anything!”

This was the theme of our conference and I have to admit, we saw and heard it in every story. We heard about it when so many people were raising their hands, asking for prayer for giving their lives to Christ for the first time. And then as I watched in the last presentation of music and video as my Christ Jesus was crucified, I thought, is there anything in my life more important than Him? Nothing can be! Because of what He did for me I must, absolutely must do as He directs, whatever it is. And so my title…

I can tell you that I don’t know exactly where and what God will do with us this year, now. We are praying for the correct where, why, what and how. But of this one thing I am sure. Wherever, however, the Whoever doing the leading will not be in doubt. Sometimes, rebooting and refreshing is good!

May I thank everyone for praying for my back? It is better. I had a series of injections, including trigger point all down my leg because the part of my back that is messed up connects with my sacroiliact joint which is on the lower side of the spine. The muscle and ligaments in the region are exceptionally prone to injury. And the doc thinks mine were injured along with my back just being sprained when I was tipped over backwards during a security pat-down at the Chicago airport. So this last procedure on Tues, the 22nd was terribly important as they really don’t want to give me anymore injections. This is the best I have felt for as long as I have. Tomorrow I start physical therapy. That too is the Father’s provision for me. For some reason, my policy does not require a co-pay for PT! so even if I have to go 3 times a week to start, I can! I certainly could not have paid $120/week! Our Lord does go before us and prepare things for us even before we know we have need of them! How very thankful I am, I was when I was told! How quickly I remembered from my Bible study lesson in Matthew 7: 9-11 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him?”

Anyway, the Lord was listening to me last week and answered a great need! I am so grateful! This carried over to my business as well! and then to be so incredibly blessed by Him at the conference and wait till I come back to you again with what I am learning from Matthew!!

My August was crazy busy, punctuated by two ER visits that I couldn’t let slow me down. I know that might sound crazy in lieu of all my physical issues, but to me, they were simply attacks. Satan‘s way of keeping me off my game. The first was my asthma of course. We tried the fire station again, but for some reason they took 10 minutes to come to the door and finally my husband had to call 911 to get them to call them. Their lights were out, I guess they all were sleeping. But it took them so long to get to me and then to decide to do anything-and nothing of importance that I wound up in the ER. The ER released me just in time to visit my pulmonologist that I already had an appointment with. It felt like one big plan on somebody else’s part. I finally got enough breathing treatments and drugs to do better-but a waste of time and energy as far as I am concerned.

And then because I had had a very short dose of antibiotics for that respiratory issue, my C Diff decided to raise its ugly head again and so I was in the ER for a Monday afternoon for that. Unfortunately, that one’s not so easily gotten rid of and so I am still dealing with it and will for a awhile. I did have a scan to make sure I hadn’t suddenly grown a tumor or a blockage, incase anyone would question that, but negative on that end too. Did I forget anything? oh yes, last week, I also had an eye infection. Nothing drops won’t take of though.

I still base everything on 2 Corinthians 1: 4 though: The God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we can comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. (American Standard Version)

So what do I think happened to me in August? Satan’s winning? God isn’t watching out for me so carefully? I think I covered this in my last post, but let me say it again, Ibelieve that everything that touches me has to come filtered through God’s fingers. Just as the silversmith cannot take his eyes off of the silver being refined by the fire, neither can the Father take His eye off of me. So you say, “Cindy what about all these afflictions still?” I don’t know of fruit coming off the asthma episode yet, but I certainly saw it with the C Diff and a young nurse taking care of me in the ER. All afternoon I had wondered why I was there again, so soon after the last time, but it was for her. She is a nurse today because her brother had leukemia when she was young. He was one of the “lucky ones”. He now runs a camp for seriously ill children and she is nurse–would either of those careers been sought if other circumstances had prevailed in their young lives? But look whose lives they are touching now! I asked, of course about their own personal beliefs. I was very happy that both of them know Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God as their personal Savior. What I did encourage her to do is to write all her memories down from the sister perspective. How helpful that might be for someone else! She is like me and thinks she can’t write a book either, so I told her all about blogging. I hope she joins our world and she tells her brother. They could so multiply the good they do.

And you might be asking yourselves, “well, Cindy if you are so sure about your Heavenly Father and His eyes on you, why would you be questioning where you are again?” That would be because I am not perfect yet, especially when I am hurting. I need my Father right there, front and center, talking to me, telling me what I am supposed to do and if there is talking to be done to somebody, to bring them on, but that I need the right pain meds to be able to do that talking. My hospital doesn’t like Demerol. Until I had spend several hours rolling around in pain regardless of how much morphine they gave me, they didn’t go find any Demerol. It was amazing though how fast that Demerol worked! Then I could talk! And talk I did.

The other reason that I was questioning things was that the day before I had been absolutely compelled to go to FB Atlanta. I didn’t feel that well, my husband didn’t at all and so I had gone alone. Dr. Stanley spoke on 2 Corinthians 1: 4! It’s funny, but I don’t believe I have ever heard a sermon on my verse before. Actually that wasn’t his main text. His main text was I Peter 1: 3-7 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us a new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade–kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These havecome so that your faith–of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire–may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Dr Stanley had many very important parts to his sermon. He thought they were so important that we all needed to be able to take notes and put them in our Bibles. As it is late and I have already been so wordy, I’ll save the notes for part 2. So ya’ll come back now, cause these are great!!