Thursday, August 25, 2011

I've written about his head-banging before, but haven't mentioned it in a really long time. That's because he wasn't doing it anymore. I'm not even sure exactly how we got him to stop or even exactly when it did stop, but it did. It had been several (six or more) months since I'd seen (or heard) Elijah hit his head on the floor (or wall or other hard object. We'd adjusted to a new normal, a normal that was calmer and happier, one that had very few self-injurious behaviors (all of which were hand-biting). The head banging was gone - completely.

And then it started again. A couple of weeks ago, we were woken by the sound of thud-thud-thud-thud-thud, the heart-wrenching sound of our child hitting his head on his bedroom floor.

"No, not again," I whispered in the darkness.

It brings me back to a hard time in my parenting life, when I would have to prevent Elijah from hurting himself many times a day, when I would sit next to my child and cry and wonder how I could live with so much heartbreak.

I don't get why this is happening again, why Elijah is resorting to his old ways instead of using the communication skills that have opened up his world.

But, I remember that we've been through this before and came out on the other side. This time isn't as bad as before. He's not doing it daily, multiple times a day. I have to believe that we will be able to get him to stop this behavior again, hopefully never to return.

In the meantime, I hold onto the good moments. Those precious seconds of dancing with my son, those times that he grabs my hand and pulls it toward himself asking me to tickle him again. I hold onto our laughter, the happy times we have together.

I hold onto that special moment Monday morning. Elijah, walking towards me, his arms reaching to find my hand to ask me to turn on our ceiling fan. His squinty eyes looking to me, his voice saying, "Moooooom," the m sound clearly book-ending the o. It's a rare moment that I get to hear our son say my name and I hold onto it. I clutch it to me like a prized possession, holding it to my chest, never to let it go.

I wait until I get to hear my name again. I wait until I won't ever hear thud again. I know both will happen.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Growing up, when things got off track, my mom would always say we were on an adventure. Are you lost? It's an adventure! Your plans have changed? Another adventure! It's sounds like so much more fun than "you took a wrong turn" doesn't it? It's something I've taken to saying in my life when unexpected things (of any sort) happen.

I wanted to share some adventures from last week Tuesday. Elijah and I had such a fun day. And a really interesting night...

Eli had no therapy all morning (a rare occurrence in our life), so I decided we'd go on a little shopping adventure. When we got to the outdoor shopping mall, I noticed that there were a lot of small children with their parents waiting in line for something. Upon investigation, I found that they were in line to get their faces painted and then to watch a clown show. So, Elijah and I stayed to watch the show, a fun little adventure.

Out to lunch

Elijah liked the sound of all the kids laughing, but wasn't thrilled about the clowns. After a few minutes, we went on our way. I can't blame him; I'm not much of a fan of clowns myself...not since that one time a clown tried to get me to kiss him at a carnival (but, that's probably a story for another day). Oh yeah, and then there's that movie It that I'd seen snippets of when I was a teenager on TV. Shudder.

Next, I took Elijah to a toy store, where I let him pick out a toy for his birthday. I was super proud of Elijah as he played with all sorts of unfamiliar toys, happily exploring the kid-heaven. You see, for much of Elijah's life, he's been scared of unfamiliar toys. The toy aisle wasn't a happy place, but rather a cry-inducing scary place for Elijah. I used to be the mom fleeing the toy department with a crying toddler - which probably seemed like a typical toy temper tantrum - when really we were running for dear life from an upsetting toy. Yes, sometimes some toys still make Elijah pout or cry, but on this particular day Eli was a toy store pro. It's the kind of thing that's a milestone, but no one even knows it. They don't have a box to check on the development charts about successful toy store trips, do they?

By this time, it was lunch and I was faced with a conundrum...do I drive home to have lunch a bit late - or do I take Elijah out to eat at a restaurant by myself (a first for me)? I can't tell you how much my heart soared to be able to spend time with Elijah, just like the mom and son I saw sitting near the entrance while we waited in line to order our food. Eli and me, just another mother and son out to lunch together. Granted, I did end up eating my lunch on the way home since it is difficult to eat and feed Elijah at the same time. Even so, I was proud of myself for going out of my comfort zone and trying to keep Elijah corralled in a busy restaurant, with no one there to rescue me. A milestone for me and another adventure.

Asleep on the way home

That night, after Elijah was in bed, I was super excited to show Andy the glass tea dispenser I'd bought. I could tell he thought it was a silly purchase and I was trying to convince him of it's awesomeness while I pulled it out of the box. That's when I noticed that there was a chip in the side of the main part and I'd have to return it. Bummer. We started to discuss when we'd return it and went on with our night.

About an hour later, I was in the kitchen when I noticed something stuck to my left big toe. I used my other foot to simply sweep it away. A sharp shooting pain shot up through my body telling my brain that I didn't swipe off a crumb, but something more sinister.

"Oh.....Shoot," I said. "Oh no. That's not good" (These are the words Andy reports that he heard me say from the other room). It didn't take me long to figure out that the chip in the side of the tea dispenser had fallen on the floor and I'd just cut my foot with it - sliced it, in fact.

The culprit - an arrowhead piece of glass smaller than a dime

As I realized what had happened, I started freaking out.

"Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Andy, Andy, Andy. Oh, I don't know what to do. I don't want to go to the ER. I think I need to go to the ER. I don't want to go to the doctor. I don't want to wake up Elijah. Oh, no. I don't want to go. I think I need to go to the doctor," I rattled off, my body shaking, blood dripping on the floor like a leaking faucet.

Andy was super calm through it all, took a look at my toe and said he thought we needed to go to the ER. So, off we went for another adventure, waking Elijah up from his slumber.

I wasn't in much pain when we got to the ER and I was starting to hope that maybe I was overreacting. The doc took a quick look at my foot, however, and said, "Yeah, you're going to need stitches" as if he was afraid of what my reaction to that news would be.

"Okay," I said feebly.

As the doctor was stitching me up, Andy started talking about some of the ER trips that have happened in his family over the years. That got the doctor started on some ER tales of things he's seen. I'll spare you the details, but let's just say he was quite qualified for the three stitches I needed in my toe.

"Um, you guys are not helping," I said as I lay on the crisp white hospital bed, my husband corralling a tired Elijah nearby.

Owie :(

The doctor finished up and reported, "I've cut my foot on glass before, but never that bad." Um, thanks, doc.

Now, over a week later, my toe is healing up nicely. I'm pondering how God created our bodies to regenerate and to heal. It's amazing, really.

So, there you have it, this is what an adventure filled Tuesday looks like for us. I can tell you one thing, life is always interesting, always keeping me on my toes (oh, I crack myself up).

Also, I think I've had enough adventures for a little while, thankyouverymuch.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Andy and I went on an getaway last month to celebrate our 7th anniversary, spending five nights away from the namesake of this little blog. So, while I know this is a blog about Elijah, today it's going to be about the two of us - the two parental units who govern this place called Elijahland. Today I shall call this blog Lindyland (see what I did there...Lisa +Andy = Lindy. I know you're all amazed by my creativeness).

The past four years have largely been focused on Elijah and rightly so. But, it was time for Andy and I to get away and remember what it was like to be a couple. It was lovely. I came home feeling healthier physically and emotionally than I had in a long, long time.

So, while I felt guilty for leaving, it turns out we all survived our separation. The guilt wore off and we had an amazing time away.

When we got home, Elijah stomped his foot a few times to let us know of his dissatisfaction and then gave us big snuggles. He was fine without us, but he missed us and we him.

You know how people like to show off their vacation photos and you have to sit and pretend to enjoy looking at pictures of a place you've never been before? Yeah, that's going to be you now because I'm going to deluge you with photos now of our vacation in Door County, Wisconsin.

The view we woke up to each morning

Swedish restaurant with goats on the roof

Attending our first ever fish boil

Delicious result of the fish boil

This is what I look like relaxed

This is what Andy looks like relaxed (and tired) enjoying breakfast at the Inn in which we stayed

A neat stone beach on Washington Island, WI

Lest you think the above photo looks romantic and secluded

We had some amazing pizza (yes, that's broccoli)

We went to an outdoor theater and saw The Importance of Being Earnest (this was a bonfire during intermission)

We rode Segways - I was terrified at first, but this was SO fun

We watched this sunset while eating at a French restaurant on our anniversary (siighhh)

Oh, it was a good, relaxing, missing-Elijah time. So glad I got over my guilt and went!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I've felt really scattered lately, like I've left pieces of me and scattered them all over the house. I suppose this has something to do with a quite busy month of July in which we've barely been home.

I'm just so behind it seems.

The good news? We've been having a ridiculous amount of fun. That would be why we haven't been home much. We had a amazing Independence Day weekend with our families, Andy and I went on an anniversary trip (huge amount of time all by ourselves!), and we went camping for a partial week where we lived in the lake (we thought about sleeping on floaties). Three partial work weeks in a row and I'm having a hard time getting by into the groove of things again. It's also why I've once again broken my word and have been not blogging like I said I would. I hate it when I don't keep my word.

So, we're still here, somewhere. Underneath a pile of laundry that never seems to end, papers that continually need to be sorted, emails that need to be responded to (I'm possibly the worst emailer in all history), and lots of fun that continues to bury us (poor us). If you don't hear from me these days, it's because I'm outside (or digging my way out of Mount Washmore).

About Elijahland

This is a story of overcoming the odds, putting trust in God, and the miracle of prayer. Our son, Elijah, was born in August of 2007. As a result of the oxygen deprivation that occured during his birth he spent his first three (agonizing) weeks in the hospital. When he was seven days old, we were told that Elijah had "severe brain damage" on both sides of his brain. At that moment we entered Elijahland and we've been here ever since. We're learning to live with the diagnoses Elijah has started to accumulate, but mostly we're grateful that God chose us to be his parents. It is truly a privilege to live in Elijahland with our handsome boy. Thanks for visiting.