air…

Things are starting to fall into place… I have a new therapist that I shall be seeing fortnightly, a care coordinator that I’ll be seeing bi weekly and a psychiatrist every month or so plus I’ve started art therapy.

I have been kicking up such a stink for months and months to get these things in place and now that it is, I don’t feel any brighter or relieved. I just feel sort of numb, my negative brain is so focused on none of it working or it falling apart that I can’t see what positives are happening…

All of the assessments and appointments are draining, and yes I know I’m in a depressive episode and all I feel is nothing but empty… but I don’t want to feel this way, honestly I just want to get some air into my lungs, to stop feeling so stifled and suffocated. To breathe and feel the air rush through me and feel real joy instead of the fake happiness that disappears faster than it arrives…