Chapter 2:
Phase Two-Understanding and Feeling

All the flowers of all the tomorrows are in the seeds
of today.

-Unknown

Phase One is usually a dawning process of several days or months,
possibly years. Phase Two, however, is full of ups and downs. It can span
months or years depending on many of the factors noted in the
Introduction. Because I was also dealing with a rape and with
codependency issues related to my family background, Phase Two for me
has taken about eight years. It is my hope that sharing my struggles and
ideas with you will help to shorten your recovery. (See Branden, 1971;
Bridges, 1980; Hassan, 1988; Langone, 1993; Singer, 1979; Stoner and
Kisser, 1992; Whitfield, 1987.)

It is my belief that it doesn't have to take that long. With more
counselors trained about cults, more recovered ex-cultists articulating
their experiences, and more information available on recovery, this
phase may take much less time. If you are a victim of rape or incest, are
obsessive/compulsive, codependent and/or a substance abuser or
otherwise troubled, you will need to address and integrate these issues as
well for a full recovery. (See Vaughan, 1982; Whitfield, 1987; Woititz,
1983.)

Reconnecting with Family and Friends

What do you do when you've been on another planet for up to 20 years
or more and you've just returned home? You feel like Rip Van Winkle.
Everyone you know, if they are even still around, is older and at a
different place in life. Family and friends are often further along in their
education and/or career. They may be married, divorced, own a home,
or run a business. Not only may you feel like a freak for having been in a
cult, but you may feel inadequate when looking at the accomplishments
of an old chum.