Shadia: Touching opposite gender may or may not be improper

In this Friday, March 8, 2013, file photo released by the Miraflores Press Office, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad comforts Elena Frias next to the flag-draped coffin of her son, Venezuela's late President Hugo Chavez, during the funeral ceremony at the military academy in Caracas, Venezuela. Senior Iranian clerics have criticized President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for consoling Hugo Chavez's mother with a hug, a physical contact considered a sin under the country's strict Islamic codes. MARCELO GARCIA, ASSOCIATED PRESS

When I first saw Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's face in that picture of him consoling Venezuela's late President Hugo Chavez's mother, I thought to myself, "Who is he fooling with that look?"

Not me.

On second thought, I was surprised to see him holding Chavez's mother's hands and brushing her face with his.

Doesn't he know that's not allowed?

I read he was under fire when Iran's ruling clerics saw the picture. They said something about him disgracing Islam (how dare he?).

I hate to use Ahmadinejad or the ruling clerics to explain why some Muslims refrain from shaking hands with or touching the opposite gender, but I just can't skip this opportunity.

There's one hadith (meaning a prophetic tradition) by the Prophet Muhammad where he basically said that a man is not allowed to touch – the key word here is touch – a woman to whom he is a stranger, someone he essentially could marry.

Islamic scholars differ on what the prophet meant when he said touch. That's partly because the word touch, in Arabic, depending on context, could mean more than an innocent brush or a simple hand shake. Besides, the hadith doesn't mention shaking hands, though the prophet didn't shake hands with women.

Some scholars interpret the hadith to mean that a man cannot touch a woman to whom he is not related in every sense of the word. Others argue that shaking hands is totally fine.

There are also those who say it's recommended to refrain from shaking hands, but if you're in a situation where it's called for, go for it. Don't leave the other person hanging; that's also not appropriate. Islam is more reasonable than that.

It really all depends on how you interpret it.

In places like Saudi Arabia, men and women hardly mix. In Egypt, Lebanon, Tunisia and other Mediterranean countries, however, people greet by kissing on the cheeks. And even there, it depends on your level of religiosity. My Uncle Beautiful – my mom's brother, who helped raise me – doesn't shake hands with women.

This not shaking hands with the opposite gender thing isn't exclusive to Muslims, either. Some Jews don't shake hands with the opposite gender because they, too, believe it's not allowed.

I understand not shaking hands with the opposite gender is more like the norm in the Middle East. But when you're mixing with people from different cultures and beliefs, it can get awkward.

Imagine extending your hand to someone, or leaning for a hug when you're grieving, and them not reciprocating.

I think Ahmadinejad found himself in that situation and instead of running away from Chavez's mother, he consoled her.

On third thought, I think that look on his face wasn't of grief. I imagine he was thinking, "Oh God, help me. I'm going to be in such a big trouble when this picture comes out."

Mona Shadia was born and raised in Cairo and now lives in Orange County. Her column is about living as a Muslim in America.

In this Friday, March 8, 2013, file photo released by the Miraflores Press Office, Iran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad comforts Elena Frias next to the flag-draped coffin of her son, Venezuela's late President Hugo Chavez, during the funeral ceremony at the military academy in Caracas, Venezuela. Senior Iranian clerics have criticized President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad for consoling Hugo Chavez's mother with a hug, a physical contact considered a sin under the country's strict Islamic codes. MARCELO GARCIA, ASSOCIATED PRESS

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