Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant? -Henry David Thoreau

Couples Therapy

Couples come into therapy for a variety of reasons. When couples are distressed, they usually find themselves in a recurring negative cycle of conflict, and that they are

lacking closeness and intimacy, emotionally and sexually

having the same arguments over and over or constantly arguing

feeling hurt, alone, defensive and angry often

feeling resentful, taken for granted, or misunderstood

feel unsafe to talk to their partner about vulnerable feelings

feeling like they don't matter or aren't good enough in their partner's eyes

not able to co-parent effectively

Couples therapy can also help address

recovering from an affair or betrayal

major life transitions such as becoming parents, changes in careers

premarital concerns

how to handle a separation

Couples who participate in couples therapy can expect the experience

reduction in conflict and an increased ability to resolve problems

an enhanced feeling of connection and attunement to partner

increased emotional and physical intimacy

enhanced sense of safety and security in the relationship

deeper understanding of your own and your partner's fears and needs

increase in safety and security in the relationship

Emotionally Focused Therapy for Couples (EFT)

﻿I use Emotionally Focused Therapy in my work with couples. EFT is a powerful attachment-based model developed by Dr. Sue Johnson that is the only couples therapy model that has research documenting its effectiveness as well as showing that gains made are sustained over the long term.

EFT is effective because it targets our fundamental need for a safe connection with our partner. When this need is unmet due to distress in a relationship, partners usually respond in ways that reflect the distress, but unfortunately may create more conflict. In EFT, we learn to identify the emotional responses that have created behaviors contributing to a negative pattern of interaction between the partners. By learning about these feelings and related behaviors, partners are able to understand what is going on for themselves and their partner. This builds empathy, safety and allows for a much deeper emotional connection as partners begin to reach for each other with compassion and vulnerability that reshapes their attachment bond. By rebuilding the attachment "foundation" of the relationship, the problematic negative cycles are replaced by positive interactions.

EFT is so effective because the most current neuroscience research show that physiologically we are "wired for connection": our nervous systems are basically programmed to seek safe connection with another. When we have this safe connection, we feel more confident and content in our lives and are able to thrive and experience joy. In EFT, partners are actually are helping to change each others' brains to be able to feel safer not only in the relationship, but in the world.

EFT helps with all kinds of couples with all kinds relationship challenges. It is effective in healing traumas that happened within the relationship and also ones that preceded it.

Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belonging. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release yourself into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul.