Followers (sounds cultish, huh?)

Websites I Peruse

Thursday, December 31, 2009

So we're back from our trip. I hope you all liked my Madonna and Child posts. My favorite is the last one because it is obvious that the artist had first-hand experience with nursing children and their mannerisms. That and I totally need to cut slits in all my shirts; why hadn't I thought of it before? And I'm curious if that was an actual fashion when the artist painted that. It's genius. Despite our advances, breastfeeding clothing has apparently gone backwards over the centuries.

That picture actually reminds me of a time a couple of months ago when I was going to the grocery store. I was carrying Margaret from the car to the store and as I put her down into the cart, I realized she had her hands down my shirt and was twiddling the whole time. No nursing, just twiddling. For a split second I wondered if I should discourage that, but I realized that if I hadn't noticed, it was obviously not bothering me, and just like in that picture, it's definitely not something sexual. It happens sometimes, and it's ok.

I'm not sure how I want to go about posting for the next few weeks. I have lots of thoughts about everything: No Pooing, elimination communication, the unassisted pregnancy so far (a couple of posts on that), breastfeeding while pregnant so far, nudity and birth, and I think there's a breastfeeding one in my head, and a couple of general parenting posts maybe. And then tomorrow's the New Year and the obligatory New Year post, right?

And today for myself, I have a lot to do. We made sure we ate up all the perishables before we left, so for breakfast we have 2 slices of bread and an English muffin. There's some quinoa and oatmeal (but no milk). So I need to go grocery shopping, pick up the mail that got held at the post office, balance the checkbook, and get the house back into order. And there's playgroup, too. I miss them and I look forward to seeing them today.

Happy Last Day of 2009! I think McKay and I are ringing in the New Year with some classic N64 playing tonight. W00t!

Friday, December 18, 2009

For the past while, Margaret has been both ready and not ready for going diaper-less. At home, it's been no problem. The problem is in public. Toilets just aren't sized for 1 year olds (or ever 4 year olds for that matter). She also tends to get a little claustrophobic when we go into a bathroom stall and I lock the little door. She immediately forgets that she wants to potty and starts trying to open the door.

I've been wondering when we should start doing panties in public. Sometimes she remembers to go in public. Last September at the General Relief Society meeting, she said, "potty" and I took her and she had no problem going on the toilet there. It helped her claustrophobia that I chose to use the larger stall, I think. But then there are other times when she just never lets us know that she needs to go.

This week I decided it wouldn't hurt to just experiment with panties and bring along extra pants and underwear when we go out. It's gone pretty well, actually. She's had a couple of misses- one at a friend's house and one at the laundromat, but both times they were my fault. At the laundromat, she had gone into the bathroom and pointed to the toilet, but I thought she was just pointing it out to me instead of asking to go. Then two minutes later...

In honesty, I can't imagine a time when it would ever be her fault. Even at the age of 7 or 8, missing the toilet can be related to all sorts of things: stress, UTIs, simple forgetfulness. Sometimes it just happens.

We've also had great success in public. No misses at the grocery store, at LLL, at the music store, or at the post office. In fact, at LLL, she asked to go potty a few times. One of those times she actually sat on the potty, though I don't know if she actually went. The other times she either panicked when I closed the stall door or really just wanted a drink from the water fountain.

Way's I've helped Margaret feel comfortable on the potty:

Using the bigger stall

Sitting behind her on the toilet, so that she has support and doesn't have to balance herself. McKay's even done this at church with success.

Bringing the potty insert. At home, she has a cushy potty seat that sits on the top of the toilet and makes it easier for her to stay on. It can fit in my basket, so that's what I used at LLL. It's kind of weird bringing her seat with us, but it definitely helps.

Leaving the stall door unlocked. This is also something I did while at LLL. There was no one else in the bathroom at all, so I took her to the large stall, used the potty insert, and left the stall door open. It definitely helped her, though the automatic flushing toilet was a little scary for her, as was the hand dryer. Those things are scary.

On long car trips (like the Thanksgiving trip) having her little potty was helpful. We could just stop on the side of the road and let her use her potty. We washed it out with water from our waterbottles.

At church, we use the single bathroom without stalls. Definitely helpful.

The panties experiment isn't over. My goal was to try it for a week. We still have to make it through today, tomorrow, and Sunday. The biggest challenges will be the company party tonight and nursery on Sunday. It's very nice to only use diapers at night- and in fact for the past three nights, her diaper has been dry in the morning! The only dirty diapers we have are the flats and prefolds we use to soak up her misses. Very nice.

Not sure how next week will go or if we'll continue this experiment. Holidays and stressful times can interrupt potty awareness, so I'm not sure if we'll continue next week or just wait until the new year to continue this experiment.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Last summer I had an interesting dream. In the dream, I found out I was pregnant... 35 weeks pregnant to be exact. In my dream I thought to myself, "Ok. We need a few towels and a new carseat. I'm having a baby in 5 weeks. Time for the panic to set in." But it didn't set in.

When I woke up I thought about it and got the impression that the next time we have a baby it'll be at a time when lots of things are going on- a time where I might normally panic, but I don't need to panic because we'll have a UC.

Then I got pregnant some months later. This baby should show up in the summer. When we first found out I was pregnant, we had no idea what was going on for the summer. Now we know we're going to be going through a major move in the last half of the pregnancy. That doesn't give me a lot of time to prepare for the birth once we get out there.

The OptionsOut-of-home birth with an attendantIf I go this route, I get to spend the first chunk of the pregnancy with a provider that I know won't be there for the birth. Would I be upfront about that? Would the provider not give me the same quality of care if they knew they wouldn't be the one profiting from catching the baby? And I'd get to deal with transferring medical records. Then when we move out to California, we get to apply for health insurance. In my experience, the application, underwriting, and approval takes about a month. That means in June, we'll have insurance and I'll get to go on a provider hunt with almost no time to find someone I like. Of course we'll need to apply for insurance with any choice, but this choice is pretty dependent on insurance whereas the other choices are more out-of-pocket expenses.

Home birth with an attendantThis has some of the same issues as the first option: no continuity in care and a rush to find someone at the "last minute" in my pregnancy. Usually homebirth midwives limit the number of births they'll attend so that they can guarantee they'll be there for the birth. This is wonderful if you can find a midwife early on, not so wonderful if you move to a new area just months/weeks away from the end of your pregnancy. On many places on the Internet, I'm seeing that homebirth midwives have been getting booked up early (by 8 or 10 weeks!). That seems to be the trend this this economy. It's true the the Bay Area as a LOT of homebirth midwives, but do I really want to run around finding one at the end of my pregnancy when I should be relaxing and getting myself into birthing mode? Not really.

The UP/UC optionContinuity of care. That is a major plus for me. Not having to find a care provider on a limited deadline? Also a plus. That time spent worrying whether or not I'll be able to find someone can be used to prepare the home for a birth and to help Margaret in the transition from Utah to California and then again into siblinghood. There would be some busyness gathering what I need to file a birth certificate (proof of pregnancy, exemption forms for some newborn tests, etc.). In California, birth certificate requirements vary county to county, and sometimes even city to city within the county. For example, Berkley has extra requirements that the rest of Alameda County doesn't. I won't know what will be required until we settle on a place to move to.

So at the moment we're going the UP/UC route. It'll be fun. I'll blog about it sometime.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

McKay will be starting an internship at the beginning of May! That's what we were waiting on a week ago: the offer to show up in the mail! It came and he has responded, so I guess all things are "Go."

We'll be moving to the San Fransisco Bay Area. It's really exciting to be moving, but there are a lot of unknowns at the same time. I've been spending some of my free time on Craigslist looking at apartments. I know I can't get any of them, but it's fun to think, "Hmm. We might be able to afford that..." and start imagining what it would be like. Our plan is to rent for the 6 months of the internship and build up (if we can budget in such an expensive area) some money for a down payment so if they offer him a more permanent position, we can move to a more permanent home.

Bottom floor apartment. I can't imagine trying to carry the huge bed up stairs and I don't think it'll fit in any elevator. Also, I'm pretty lenient about people above me making noise, but I can't guarantee other people will be as forgiving. With Margaret, it would just be easier to not have downstairs neighbors.

Non-coin-operated laundry!

Maybe a dishwasher. The laundry is more important to me, though.

Air conditioning. Of all things, this seems to be the most elusive in the Bay Area, but most needed if I'm going to be having a baby in the summer.

Less than $1000/month*.

So if any of you know of this wonderful dream apartment in the Bay Area, let me know. :)

*Laughable, I know. If we double our current rent budget, we can upgrade to... a studio apartment! Woohoo! I always wanted one of those!

Friday, December 11, 2009

Haven't done these in a while and I didn't feel like posting anything too intense at the moment. This will be a busy day for me: library, go pick up some contacts, buy some cod liver oil and vitamin D, get the Christmas cards out, tidying up so I feel motivation to knit (still need to do our stockings and Margaret's Christmas present and McKay's sister's kids' Christmas presents), and I have a lactivisty project that's ready to be done. Finishing that project is my birthday present to myself.

1. Good times: playing with Margaret and McKay.2. Working on cleaning my home.3. Sleigh bells ring but not on sleighs anymore.4. It's cold here, just a little.5. Once more we'll start over.6. Or is it theend?7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to feeling accomplished, tomorrow my plans include my birthday and Sunday, I want to relax!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

This is the mysterious RSS Feed-appearing post for those of you who don't use feed readers. I've added some stuff to it. :)

We didn't expect to get pregnant. Everything was working against it. The month prior to my getting pregnant I had a 9 day luteal phase. I have been having 9 day luteal phases ever since I started ovulating, so I assumed it was too short to get pregnant. Then I got pregnant the next month. No idea what my LP would have been, but since I've been using fertility awareness, I was much more aware of the changes in my body.

At 9 days past ovulation, I noticed I needed to pee a whole ton more, but I kind of ignored it thinking maybe I was just doing really well at keeping myself hydrated. I was expecting my period any day.

At 10 days past ovulation, I looked in the mirror and noticed, "That's not the face of someone who is supposed to get a period... where's my acne?"

At 12 days past ovulation, we got out a pregnancy test. It claimed to be accurate at 10 days past ovulation, so we figured it should be accurate. Plus, since we had been expecting my period 2 days prior, it was definitely past my missed period date. McKay wanted to be involved with the whole ordeal and so I peed in a cup and he dipped the stick. And we waited.

And within a couple of minutes, there was a second line. It was faint (only 12 dpo), and so McKay was all, "I'm not sure..." But a line is a line is a line. And it was there, and my period wasn't.

The first time around with Margaret, I was going to school, so I didn't really pay attention to symptoms- and symptoms like being tired was normal and not a symptom. Sure, I was peeing every hour at work, but I was drinking 2 cups of water every hour at work.

This time I got "real" symptoms:

THIRSTY. All the time. It's due either to pregnancy, nursing, or living in Utah where the air has no water in it. Or all three.

Weird de-tox. At around 16 days past ovulation, my acne came and I had some really loose stool. I also got my haircut around that time and talking to my hairdresser, she asked if I was doing a detox. "No. I can't do detoxes, I'm breastfeeding (and pregnant)." But I started wondering. Somewhere out there on the Interwebs, someone said it's not uncommon for your body to do a quick detox immediately after getting pregnant to clean out your system really quickly. Maybe that's what it was, because I can't think of anything else.

Tired. Oh my goodness I have no motivation to do ANYTHING. It's a miracle if I remember to eat. (I remembered this morning!)

Slight nausea. At around 7 weeks I noticed I was hungry all the time. Then I realized that it wasn't hunger- it was nausea. I've trained my body to respond to nausea with hunger. Usually when you're nauseous, you are sick and need nutrients, so as a teen, I started equating nausea with hunger. With Margaret 8-10 weeks was my big throwing up time. None of that this time (yet). Maybe it's a boy? I've also heard that breastfeeding can lower your pregnancy nausea and we all know every pregnancy is different. Who knows? Maybe it's an odd symptom letting me know it's twins.

Sore nipples. I didn't notice this with Margaret either, but I wasn't nursing while I was pregnant with Margaret. It's the worst when she has a cold. She nurses in her sleep and if she can't breathe, she's reposition her head and bring my nipple with her. I don't think that's comfortable for anyone- pregnant or not.

Braxton Hicks. I started noticing these at 4 weeks this time, every few hours or so. Go go growing uterus! Last time I didn't notice BH until 30 weeks.

One thing I'm finding interesting is the darkening of my areolas. I didn't notice it with Margaret, but when I look at the birth pictures they were definitely darker then than they are now. I've slowly been noticing the changes this time around. Yep. Pregnant.

This time around, I'm actually moody. Imagine that! Last time I only cried randomly at The Simpson's Movie (the wedding tape!), but this time I find I'm more prone to it at other times. I wonder if I've traded last time's nausea for this time's mood swings. I'm ok with that. Personally, I'd rather cry than throw up.

Heartburn. I had this in my third trimester, but this time it has hit early.

Colds. When you're pregnant, your immune system is temporarily lowered so that your body doesn't reject the baby. I've had two colds already. I know this is due to me not taking care of myself. With pregnancy and nursing all my nutrients are going to the little people dependent on me and I'm the one who suffers. I need to up my Vitamin C and D intakes and make sure I go out and buy some cod liver oil. Must do that today. And I probably need to eat more protein and a ton more calories than I'm currently eating. It's hard to take care of yourself when you're too lazy to get dressed.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

So yesterday I wrote up a post and dated it for January, but forgot to change the year on it, so it posted. I tried to delete it before the RSS feed caught it, but no luck, and some of you caught that. Darn this fast technology! So here's a post I scheduled for January. I'll put that other post up later this week.

I'm pregnant. The baby should show up some time this summer. It came as a complete surprise because I didn't think it would be possible yet. I have lots of thoughts about this and will blog them all during the upcoming months.

The reason I was waiting until January was so it wouldn't be possible to guess when in the summer. Margaret was due March 8, but came March 29. When you get an estimated due date like "March 8" you think you're safe saying, "I'm due in March." But she was really pushing our luck with that! Had she been due March 12, I probably would have also said, "Due in March" but she would have come in April. "Due Months" don't really work for me.

So this time around I wanted a "Due Season." I'm due in the summer. If it hits the fall equinox, then I'm overdue. You won't believe how depressing it is when you're over 2 weeks "overdue" and you get phone calls, "Have you had your baby yet? So-and-so who was due next month already had hers!" So this is my way of avoiding those. If the equinox happens and I'm still pregnant, feel free to call me up and ask when the baby will arrive. I still won't have an answer. :)

Monday, December 07, 2009

I think Inquisition Monday will be on hold until the New Year. We've been going through some major life changes here- good things, no worries! But even good stress is still stress. McKay's been busy with school and job interviews and our plans for after graduation are both coming into view (yay!) and are still elusive as to how it will all happen (not yay). In all this change, I've taken on some of McKay's previous responsibilities and McKay's taken on some of mine, so our house is in a weird limbo. There are things we are waiting on. Dear Postal Service: ignore all the mail addressed to people who aren't us and get us that letter!

Meanwhile, Margaret and I have been cold-ridden. It's not bad a "feel bad" cold. Just a runny nose, cough, and lose your voice cold. Margaret is chipper and happy, but every once in a while, this cough comes out of her that makes you just want to cry. I feel bad that I can't take her out and we just have to sit here boring ourselves with each other.

Anyway, we still haven't decorated for Christmas. And I don't think we will. It's too much right now. I got out our Charlie Brown Christmas playset and I think that's the extent of our holiday. Well, that and the Christmas notepad that's still on our fridge from last Christmas.

Here's my attempt to be festive. I took this from someone's Facebook note.

1. Favorite present ever received: Nothing really sticks out on my mind. Last year McKay got me some knitting books and I've enjoyed coveting the gorgeous yarns and dreaming of the day we can afford to spent $80-$200 on yarn for a sweater.2. The best thing about this Christmas: Not doing decorations3. Favorite Christmas food: One year we made gyros (or was that for Easter?) I'll go with gyros.4. Favorite Christmas Eve activity: Looking at Christmas lights5. Favorite Christmas movie: It's a Wonderful Life6. Favorite way to remember Christ at Christmastime: Going to the temple7. Favorite present you ever gave to someone else: Again I can't remember. 8. Best Christmas ever: The one after we got married. Just us, no where to go, very simple.9. Favorite Christmas candy: Peanut Brittle10. Favorite place to go see the decorations: Temple Square (we've done this for a couple of my birthdays)11. Favorite religious song: Ave Maria12. Favorite one-stop shopping location: The Internet because I like getting packages in the mail and I can find everything without venturing to stores I boycott or being trampled13. Favorite Christmas story (other than the story): They are all so cheesy. Probably none.14. Favorite Christmas dessert: Cherry Pie15. Favorite Christmas activity: Baking Pies (really, tasting them for poison)16. Favorite Christmas TV show: A Charlie Brown Christmas17. What I want for Christmas (NO limits): A spinning wheel18. If you had to travel somewhere for Christmas, where would you go: We are traveling this year to see family, but if I got to choose we'd go to Italy.19. Favorite Christmas beverage: water? I don't like hot cocoa, cider or eggnog, so that doesn't leave a lot of choices, you know?20. Favorite Christmas decoration: The wreath. For the past 3 years, McKay and I have bought a fresh wreath from a local florist, but it's not in the budget this year.21. Favorite Christmas Album: A Christmas Together by John Denver and the Muppets22. What I want for Christmas (and might get): Yarn23. Favorite Christmas tradition: Buying the wreath24. Favorite Christmas stage production: I've only ever seen A Christmas Carol, so we'll go with that.25. Favorite non-religious song: Sleigh Ride

Wednesday, December 02, 2009

I was at an Usborne Book party and someone mentioned this picture book. If you're going to name a children's book "Breasts" you might as well name it, "Heather, You Need to Buy this book NOW."

Usborne doesn't make this book, but acquired the company that does. This book was originally in Japanese and is translated into English. It's in the same series of the ever popular, Everyone Poops. The edition we got doesn't have the same cover as the picture here. Ours is orange with four pictures taken from the illustrations in the book.

In general it was pretty factual. It presents breasts as for feeding babies, that women have fully developed breasts even if they don't have a baby, that even some men have large breasts, and that not every baby eats at the breast. I tried really hard to find the page that says "Breasts are sexual objects," but, alas, I couldn't find it. My book must have been damaged in shipping or something. ;)

In fact, there are lots of drawings of babies nursing, holding, gripping breasts. The drawings aren't going to win any prizes for "Best Illustrations" any time soon, but they are simple and nice enough. There's even a simple drawing of the inside of a breast.

It spends a page establishing that we don't remember nursing because we don't remember being babies. However, I know moms who nurse their 4, 5, 6 year olds, so for their situations it's not very accurate. It also says "After a year or so, many babies seem to lose interest in breast-feeding". I haven't found that very true for Margaret or her friends, so I start that sentence as, "Eventually, children..." "Sometime in the future you might..." "Eventually, before going on dates/college/marriage/a midlife crisis..." depending on my mood.

I think the virtue of this book is that it shows you can talk about breasts with children without talking about sex. I've heard an argument against nursing in public that complains, "I don't want my kids to see breastfeeding because I don't want to have to explain it before I'm ready to." Now, I'm not sure what's hard about saying, "Some babies eat milk made in their mother's breasts," but I think it has something to do with the fact that many people never see breasts outside of a sexual context. So suddenly, parents are afraid they have to explain... SEX! But you don't have to have the sex talk simply because your child saw someone breastfeeding. And if you need help with that- here's a book!

My favorite page of the book says, "Babies love to be cuddled by their mothers. And.... love to hold on tight to their mother's breasts.... snuggle up to their mothers' breasts.... suck on their mothers' nipples. These things are important to babies." Aww... But a close second is "Babies love their mothers' breasts because they're round, soft and warm - and they smell nice, too." The onomatopoeia is fun, too: "glug glug glug," "nmmm nmmm nmmm."

This became a favorite for Margaret after just a couple of readings. She really loves it, and for some reason it makes her want to nurse. And she likes to point out that the jogging woman in one of the pictures is wearing shoes. That's vital to the book, you know.

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

This past weekend, while sleeping with my husband and little girl on a futon, I thought about how easy bedsharing has made trips. It's wonderful. And while the futon was smaller than what we're used to, we were all comfortable and no one fell off or missed out on sleep because of the smaller space.

It was not always that way. Sure, our cosleeping journey could be summed up as, "Margaret was born, we slept with her that night and every night after that. The end." But it's not as simple as that.

I definitely understand when people say they need their space. That was me.

When we got married, we had different expectations for sleep. McKay expected to cuddle and spoon and such. I expected to be left to my own side of the bed and not touched so I could sleep. Poor McKay.

But he was patient with me. Over time, I eventually got used to someone else in the bed. By "over time" I mean a year to 18 months later, I finally got used to it. Of course, 18 months later I was sharing my body with a little Margaret. Maybe getting used to sleeping with people around me was a result of the fact that you can't really separate yourself from your in utero tenant. But by the time I had Margaret, I was sort of ok with people touching me while asleep.

Of course, this was because I was such a deep sleeper that I didn't notice when I got touched. This worried me; would I notice if my baby stirred?

My labor with Margaret was long. I was tired afterwards. Very tired. I think she was too. And I think McKay was also tired, but I wasn't paying that much attention to him. We went to bed that first night and slept. I slept for 6 hours and then woke up in a panic.

"My baby hasn't eaten in 6 hours! I'm starving her!" I jumped up, picked her up, and attempted to latch a sleeping baby. "You have to eat. You need to eat constantly. It's been so long!"

And the rest of the day continued like that. She slept, occassionally woke to nurse, but slept more than nursed and I thought I was starving her. However, by 48 hours, she was waking more regularly and my panic subsided (yay for calling LLL leaders!)

The next few weeks were interesting. Part of me still wanted my straight sleep, of course, and part of me was getting used to the little person next to me. There were nights that I didn't hear Margaret stir, but McKay did and he would wake me up. I wondered if maybe I was too heavy of a sleeper to wake up for my baby. But slowly and surely, somewhere around 2 and 3 weeks, our sleep linked up and I noticed her more. It was sort of like magic- or more like there was some brain function I had never used before that suddenly came into effect. Something in my brain awoke and said, "There's a baby, it's your baby, be with the baby." Now, over a year and a half later, I'm the one hearing her wake up and McKay's the one sleeping through everything. Just a week ago, she woke up screaming and wouldn't take the breast. I did help her go back to sleep and asked McKay the next morning if he heard that. "No."

Despite my heavy sleeping early on, I didn't worry about smothering Margaret. We kept the pillows away from her, and I trusted that I could sense her presence. I hadn't fallen out of the bed in years, so obviously on some subconscious level, I knew where the edge of the bed was. I trusted that same subconscious level to let me know where my baby was.

Our sleeping got infinitely better at 2 weeks when we bought a night light. I could get up and nurse her without getting completely out of bed to turn on a light. This meant more sleep for me.

Also around that time, I learned to nurse lying down. Also a wonderful development for sleeping with her.

It didn't take long to notice that the longer I stay in bed with her, the longer she sleeps. In fact, it's currently after 9:30 and Margaret is still asleep because I'm blogging this from the bed. If I leave the bed early, she wakes up earlier. I first noticed this pattern when she was 3 months old and it has continued that way (minus teething and illness).

She does kick us sometimes. Last night I woke up once to find her feet at my face, so I just turned her back around and latched her on. Not only does breastfeeding give her lots of happy health benefits, it forces her to not have her feet in our faces!

How long will we continue? I don't know. I've come a long way from rejecting my cuddly husband on our wedding night to sleeping with a wiggly toddler. We'll probably continue when we have a second child. I know she'll get out of our bed eventually. I trust that she'll know when that day is. Until then, we get to wake up to a smiley Margaret.

I wrote this on Monday, which is why there are time differences between posting and when I said I was typing this.