I am the First Lady of HR with a stellar career.
"People" is my middle name, on Tuesdays.
"Save a dollar, save a dime, spending cash is a corporate crime"

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Succession Planning--My leadership "pipeline"

An I am in hot water?

There have been better days than today. The implementation of ERP (HR module) has been nearly wow. At present, there are 6,767,523,875 outstanding issues, most of them have been "rien de tout", which is a French term.

We have 2 "semi minor" problems.

the re-deployment of pay day

there is still a "missing" component, ie, the names of all our employees, who were all fired when "someone" in HR pressed "delete" instead of "enter", which can happen to anyone.

I keep wondering if my career is near an end. I was about to head home when I received a text this evening asking me "to detail organizational succession plans and leadership pipeline for all of our firm, including HR."

My answer:

My dear Stan,

You appear to be irreplaceable. No one can give the type of leadership that you provide. There is almost no one who cannot replace R&D Chief Comrade Carl Marks. Few of Comrade Carl's potential replacements can speak English.

As far as HR is concerned, my plan is to promote both Ms Cynthia Axe (Early Bird Retirement) and that heterosexual white boy Hugh White (who runs Diversity) to be my deputies.

Ms Axe needs to work on her popularity, intelligence and moral fibre. Hugh White needs to develop his skills with more normative people, and stop looking into people's sex life.

Once Axe and White show progress, a major obstacle will have been removed for a leadership pipeline in HR. By 2032, I will have a replacement.

As far as succession for the Head of Sales in concerned, our present Head of Sales is hiding in the Faroe Islands, so I do not have an accurate assessment who can replace him. (His Blackberry Passport battery has totally drained).

A votre service, (that's French)

Gloria Ramsbottom-Lemieux

PS Please do not pronounce Lemieux as LE-MYUUU. Listen to the file I sent you on Skype for the correct pronunciation.