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ok, I have had this page reserved for years for my storytelling. I haven’t done much with it, obviously. I held on to it, though, and wisely. I am going to be posting a serialized short story here. The work will go up as I write it. It will be edited after the fact, or maybe not at all.

In the old days, most great works were serialized. For example, Great Expectations by Dickens was a serial story told in a weekly magazine. Two chapters were published every week. Also interesting is that Dickens was paid by the word. Knowing this explains a couple key things about the story. One is that it is incredibly wordy… just total unncessary flourishes of the language. That was because he was paid by the word. It also explains why every 15 pages or so is a major cliffhanger and plot twist. To read as a whole, it is overbearing to say the least. When you realize it was published weekly, you see it had to be that way. The key is to have readers dying to come back week after week to find out what happens.

everything written here is owned completely and entirely by me. I don’t intend to publicize this site to anyone, or let anyone close to me know I am here. I am too insecure about judgement. Maybe, if its good I will publicize or, or publish it. You were lucky to stumble on it. It needs to be edited for continuity, which I have not done yet. I am just adding content as quick as I can. Let’s let the adventure begin!

3.20.2013

Working title

People, I have come from the future to warn you. This is how I started every introduction, and it is the truth. Never did me any fucking good. If you ask people if they had to chance to go back into the past, what would they do. They invariable would say ‘go back and kill Hitler’, or ‘go back and warn President Kennedy to put the bubble on his convertible’. See, Kennedy traveled everywhere in a special limousine with a protective bulletproof bubble. For some reason, that day in Dallas, Kennedy didn’t use it… and the gunman knew it. How could the gunman have known that? Inside job, that’s how.

People forget the details of their great plan. How, exactly, would you get access to Hitler? He was the most powerful and dangerous man on earth. No matter what you knew, or what your intentions are, you would not get close to him. How about warning the President? How do you imagine you would get anywhere near the president to share your concerns? The President knows people are trying to kill him. This isn’t news. If you explain you are from the future, as I am trying to explain to you, you will be labeled as a crackpot. If you provide specifics, you will surely be locked up as a conspirator, or at the very least locked up as nuts.

So, I am in the unenviable position of explaining to you that I am from the future, and here to warn you. About what? What’s the difference anymore? No one listens. If I could prove I was from the future, and I can, I would be locked up in a science lab. That would be fruitless. I can not explain to you on any level how it works. That isn’t why I was sent here. Those scientist and programmers, the ones who make this work, are too valuable and too smart to actually time travel. Time travel is incredibly dangerous, and will generally fuck you up bad. Remember how teleportation worked for Jeff Goldbum in the film ‘The Fly’? Yeah, its about like that.

new content added 3.28.2013

You may be asking “if you are from the future, prove it. Who is going to win the Dallas game next Sunday? Not this Sunday, everyone knows that will be a blowout. I want to know next Sunday.” Yes, I know the answer, and no I am not going to tell you. You may ask I bet on sports with all my future knowledge. You bet your ass I do. It’s how we pay for the program.

What we have learned the hard way is just how to prove it to people. My first thought was to get to the decisions makers to warn them about the reason I am here. Bad idea. Like I said earlier, no one believes you. If you pick a very specific incident, you come off as the cause. If I say “senator Bilchap will be involved in a fiery accident in Maryland this weekend” and it happens – I do not get hailed a hero or proper time traveler. No, I get indicted for causing the accident… because how else could I know? Also, why save Bilchap? He is the Republican asshole who pushed the bill through… the whole reason I am down here. Too bad that accident didn’t happen 5 months earlier.

If I do tell them the answers to all the sports scores, it just makes me look like a gambling savant. With the correct information, that stuff is pretty predictable. You will know more about that in about 20 years, but I am getting ahead of myself.

The reason I am here is now moot. My great warning to society was regarding some climate legislation that already went through. No one listened to me for the aforementioned reason. So on that, humanity, good job fucking yourself and your kids down the line. Hope you like your biodome, you dumbasses!

Meals in a pill and flying cars? Nope. Hasn’t happened, won’t happen. You see how people drive, on level ground with painted lines telling them exactly where the car should go? You give them the proper speed and directions to where they need to go, and they can’t handle it. Imagine putting these people 50 feet off the ground with no lane indications or directional signs and it is chaos. We tried it, briefly. In fact, this was already tried in your time. This was done covertly by several governments back in 2010. The results were so ugly the program was canned and it was never spoken of again. You know how you do that? How to keep a secret? I will give you a hint, it rhymes with killing everyone involved.

new content added 4.2.2013

Now, what I know you came here for is some dish about the future, and some insight into your current times. I wish I could tell you I was above your tabloid culture. The truth is, I need this book to save my sanity and bankroll me back to the *******. Sorry, I am not going to do it. Not going to say ‘back to the future’ even in the context of appropriate narrative. Here is a future hint now, in fact. The ‘studios’ get very litigious in the future. VERY. If you know copyright law, you know that a title can not be copy written. Meaning, I can call a book ‘gone with the wind’ or a movie ‘star wars’. Yes, that was the case in your time. That is not the case in my team. More importantly, the studios made this change retroactive.

What if I told you that you are being arrested for wearing a hat? You would say “but it isn’t illegal to wear a hat”. And then I would say “not yet, but it will be. And when it is (let’s just say on or around April 23rd 2026-ish) it will be set to be 100 years retroactive. That is all the rage in business law now since precedent was set. Basically, it is about royalties. There was a BIG hit show called ‘Cheers’ in about 5 years from now. Made millions. So, the studio lawyers went in and once they got the copyright laws changed, and then made retroactive, they then sued the living producers and trusts of the hit 80’s sitcom ‘cheers’ for copyright infringement.

See, this isn’t water law. The rule of water law is simply ‘first come, first served’. Water law is not about ‘the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few’. A perfect example of that is how Denver, Colorado is still buying city water from Coors. See, Adolph Coors got to Clear Creek in the Rockies just West of Denver before Denver was a city. Dude owns it. First come, first served. I have no delicious dish about Coors, either. You might want to hear something Michael Bay-ish like ‘it was deserted and turned into a itinerant homeless encampment for zombies and aliens’. Sorry. Still no zombies or aliens in the future. If there were, wouldn’t I have mentioned that?

So, what does happen in the futute? I can give you this good news; they streamlined Congress. They did not get rid of them, yet. But, we are close. Someone around the era that you are in now, some think tank commissioned a study on partisan-ship. Specifically, how loyal people were to their political parties, versus actually voting on the issues. It is bad news. Really really bad news. It was found that virtually no one in Congress had actually voted on an issue since the late 60’s. It was found people in Congress (meaning both the Senate and the House) were voting with their political parties 98% of the time. In effect, they were not even reading bills. You could have a bill called the ‘I sure like puppies bill’ with no riders or budget impacts. This bill would be simply to declare that puppies are cute. Congress folk would vote on that strictly along party lines. Every single one of them. You may think the premise is absurd, and an irrational summery of a complex issue.

Sadly, I wish that were the case. This happened. There was a sting set up in, well I don’t want to give the dates, but in your time it has already happened very recently. It was just that, a bill put through Congress to see if representative are reading the bills, debating them, augmenting them, or vetoing them. Turns out, none of the above. The ‘Puppies are Cute’ bill (HB Resolution 1033) was passed by the exact majority Democrats held in Congress. No one ever read it. Not a single word. It was simply put to the floor as ‘HB 1033’ for a vote. No one abstained from the vote, or asked what HB 1033 was. The vote took only 23 minutes, and fell on party lines. I won’t tell you which party fell on which side of the argument, because that isn’t the point.

After a long ugly mean battle, we just got rid of the Congresspeople. Every fucking one of them. We still have a system to maintain, and laws that need to be passed. So, what has been done in their place is that your district simply votes for a party. If you live in Congressional District 113, you used to vote for Republican Representative Dillwich to be your representative in Congress. Since we learned that the Dillwiches of the world were going to vote entirely and completely along the Republican party lines. So, why pay Dillwich $120,000 a year to be a robot. So, instead, in the future you vote for your ‘party proxy’ and that party’s ideology and leaders have automated the voting process.

In order to do this, we really only needed one very big change. We eliminated Gerrymandering. I can’t explain. Google it, it is really important stuff, and every decade it complete erodes the principles of Democracy after the census is published.

Added 4.10.2013

There is still presidential intervention and some checks and balances, but we have pretty much eliminated congress. Why? Well, you people are dumb. We had to step in. In your time, which is right now, your congress has an approval rating of 11%. This means that 89% of Americans think Congress sucks. Your Congress, to be fair, does suck. They pass no legislation, and the environmental damage sustained by their lack of action and constant infighting has already destroyed several continents. So, if congress is useless, and everyone knows it, why don’t we get rid of them? That is the problem your generation couldn’t muster… voting.

See, members of Congress are re-elected at a rate of 92%. Do you see the problem? Everyone hates their Congressfolk, and still everyone re-elects them. Basically, we had to take away the power to vote because people in your time are so dangerously inept that for a period of time in late 2014, you had a house of representatives that failed to pass a single bill. THEN… you re-elected every one of them 4 months later.

Yes, that is depressing, and you don’t want to know the details. It’s sad. Plus, I can’t tell you the details for your own good… and for my own good.

Oh, this is awesome, and not a surprise at all. The South is still SUPER racist. You know how schools have ‘magnet’ programs… so you go to a certain high school that specializes in dance? That is how the south has become for angry white people. South Carolina took the bull by the horns and announced ‘whites only!’ in 2030

Of course that isn’t legal, but it is understood by everyone. If you are white, please vacation or move here. If you aren’t… don’t.

Here is some good news, though. Your TVs, as you understand them, will have smell-o-vision… for lack of a better term. It is, in every sense, totally awesome. Allow to me to explain it without giving away anything too proprietary info or messing with the space time continuum. As with everything, this will be explained by analogies. That isn’t because your feeble prehistoric mind can’t comprehend the technology. It is quite the opposite. The wal mart-ization of the gene pool has brought the average IQ down 50 years from your time down a stunning 20 points.

So, the tv. It works sorta like colors. As you may know, there are three primary colors. Yellow, Red, and Blue. Every other color comes from a combination of that. You may know that the toungue only tastes a handful of tastes. Like, there is sweet, salty, sour… etc. We have found that by placing tiny bladders of very powerful scents behind the screen. The computers mix the key scents to create a combination that easily tricks the human nose. You have no idea the impact this had. Smell is far and away the strongest sense we have. This is more than an awesome food channel experience.

In war movies, you literally get the smell of gunpowder. In a courtroom drama, you get the smell of must. It goes on and on. I just wanted you to know the future isn’t all gloom and sadness. It is still pretty great.

6.19.2013

Oh, transportation. Dig this. When the US Govt stopped subsizing gasoline, driving began to taper off. They said “Americans will never get rid of their cars”. Well, at $9 a gallon, they did. Upside is pollution is considerably cut. So, how does everyone travel? PCS – Personal Cable System. It is a pulley system that runs building to building, like in caper movies. You can get across town – say 20 miles – in about 20 minutes. It’s awesome, safe, zero environmental impact, and decently weather proof. So, how does this miracle system work? Well, there are two choices, and they are often combined. There is a powered motor pulley. It is a small electric (and incredibly expensive) motor that fits in your backpack. It drives the pulley along the cable. Also, there is the piston system. Catchy, I know. Lets say you are at your port and want to get downtown. Your best bet is gravity, right? What if if your destination is higher than your current location? A piston atop your pole rises up up to 50 feet. Now, you are higher than your destination. Zing Zing and you are there. Rad, I know.

Man, you said to yourself, they did all that in just 20 years? Seems like an awful lot of infrastructure to be built in such a short time. Is it privatized? Or, public? Do the rich get better service? Do they get heated cable cars, while the working class just have backpacks and are out in the open air running into each other? Well, probably. See, here is the thing. Full disclosure; this was my idea and I am trying to get you all onto it now. It doesn’t exist in the future…. YET. You may be thinking that could mess with the space time contimum… me coming back and changing the future. I get that a lot, and you all are way off on that ‘space time continuum stuff. You are reading too much science fiction. if I can get your generation started on this now, then it will be there in the future when I go back. This isn’t that heavy a concept. That is how we got yellow M&Ms. Simple. Chaz went back 30 years and got himself into a developers board meeting. He explained to them the awesomeness of a yellow M&M potential. He even had the leg work done on the dye and composition. Net result, when he got back to his time…. everything was the same except M&Ms had a new color. See? Nothing imploded. That just would have happened.

Sadly, Chaz didn’t make it back to see his impact… but it happened. What hasn’t happened yet, you see, is anyone returning safely to the future. Everyone, like me, makes it back in time just fine. Getting back to the future, though. well… no one has made it. Hence my memoirs here. I want everything documented in case 1)I get stuck here 2) die getting back.

I am back. I know it has been a while since I wrote. I will explain, but can’t right now. Am in prison, still. Other news, another traveler is in here with me. I swear I will explain this when I can. At present time, he is missing. Not sure if he jumped back to his era, or was simply transferred to another prison. They are not forthcoming with that information here.