]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/benefit/feed/0We Remember Themhttp://www.carasheartofhope.org/remember/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/remember/#respondTue, 25 Nov 2014 01:06:01 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=848We Remember Them In the rising of the sun and in its going down, We remember them. In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter We remember them. In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, We remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in […]

In the rising of the sun and in its going down, We remember them. In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter We remember them. In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, We remember them. In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, We remember them. In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, We remember them. In the beginning of the year and when it ends, We remember them. When we are weary and in need of strength, We remember them. When we are lost and sick at heart, We remember them. When we have joys we yearn to share, We remember them. So long as we live, they too shall live, For they are now a part of us, As we remember them.

Happy 4th Birthday, Cara.

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/remember/feed/0“Heart Day”http://www.carasheartofhope.org/701/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/701/#respondThu, 16 Jan 2014 02:23:08 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=701I haven’t “blogged” in a long time. There are a couple of reasons for that. First, I honestly don’t think I have anything interesting to say. The only time I really feel like blogging is when I am thinking about Cara or focused on my grief. And while I know you would all be willing […]

]]>I haven’t “blogged” in a long time. There are a couple of reasons for that. First, I honestly don’t think I have anything interesting to say. The only time I really feel like blogging is when I am thinking about Cara or focused on my grief. And while I know you would all be willing to listen I don’t want to use you as my “Dear Diary.”

How were the holidays? Rough. Family gatherings? Rough. New Y ear’s? Even rougher. The shock has worn off and it really, really stinks.

Why did I decide to write now? I was thinking about “Heart Day.” You see, when Cara received her second transplant, the one that WORKED, Josh and I decided that for the rest of our lives we would make that day special. I mean, that day was the tangible difference between life and death. So we talked about what we would do: we would always take off school or work and let the kids stay with us. We would plan a grand adventure far away or nearby, or we would stay in our pjs all day, eat pizza and popcorn, watch movies, and snuggle on the couch. Whatever we did we would do as a FAMILY. That was the plan.

Best laid plans, right?

So, now January 21st is coming up. Instead of being the happy day it is supposed to be it is day of grief that we now share with our daughter’s donor family.

Then I got to thinking- maybe it should be heart day after all. Maybe we mark each anniversary with a special dinner, or outing, or ceremony where we remember the joy we felt in those hours. It won’t be the same, but it will be ours.

We don’t know what we are doing. None of us really do, but those in the “grieving parents club” are exceptionally clueless. We will figure it out as we go along I guess. Cara has given us lots of days to “celebrate in remembrance.” Not the same, but it’s all we have.

YOU, however, have those moments. You have moments with your family here and now. So, in honor of Cara and the life she represents, take ten minutes, take an hour, or take the whole day to celebrate your family and to relish in the moments you have. Plan a special dinner, give a surprise gift, spend precious moments with your loved ones, and throw your agenda out the window. Life here on earth is too short not to take a moment and look at the blessings in front of you. This is not merely an inspirational talk- it is a plan for action that we challenge you to fulfill!

May God grant you all a wonderful, healthy, and love-filled 2014. Thanks for reading.

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/701/feed/0You said what???http://www.carasheartofhope.org/you-said-what/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/you-said-what/#respondThu, 07 Feb 2013 16:07:35 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=574This is a post I have wanted to write for a while now. My sister-in-law’s dog passed away two weeks ago. We were heartbroken to learn of his passing, especially since our son absolutely loved Sully. EVEN THOUGH I have suffered the greatest loss possible, and EVEN THOUGH I am fully aware that words do little […]

]]>This is a post I have wanted to write for a while now. My sister-in-law’s dog passed away two weeks ago. We were heartbroken to learn of his passing, especially since our son absolutely loved Sully. EVEN THOUGH I have suffered the greatest loss possible, and EVEN THOUGH I am fully aware that words do little to help in a time like this, I STILL felt the need to say something. Anything. So, I told her that I was sorry, and that now her and her fiance could move forward and start their new life together, and maybe even get a puppy of their own.

Oh. My. Gosh.

Then I burst out into laughter, and yelled, “I can’t believe I just said that!” See, when people hear about and are faced with a loss of any kind, it is our intrinsically emotional need to say something. Silence is too difficult, too awkward. Yet, what is the right thing to say? Well- I am not sure. After 6 months I still don’t know what the answer is. However, let me list some of the absolutely, positively, undeniably WRONG things that people say:

“At least he/she isn’t suffering anymore.” – That may be true, but it is still extremely difficult to hear that because down to the very last minute you always had hope, always prayed for a miracle.

“At least you have other children.” – While having other children helps in many ways, NOTHING can replace the loss you have incurred. There is still a child-sized hole in your heart, and while having another child at home can help force you out of bed in the morning, it can also hinder your ability to focus on your grief.

“You can always have more children.” – So, we should just replace the one we lost and all will be right with the world????????

“I know how you feel.” – No, you don’t. No one knows how I feel except for me. My grief is mine alone, and although you may be able to empathize on a personal level it is still my burden to carry. I don’t feel relief that you “know how I feel”- in fact, it saddens me more that you had to endure your own loss.

“If anyone can handle this, you can.” – I almost feel I am being punished for being strong, or of a strong faith.

….and for the one that really, really, upsets me:

“God must have needed another Angel.” – Dear Lord, hold me back! This one bothers me on so many levels. Saying that “God Needs” make His act of taking your loved one away seem selfish instead of purposeful. God did not send your loved one here and then change His mind. God had a plan, and I believe that His plan was purposeful and for good. While we may not understand it, and while we may disagree with His choice, we know He didn’t do anything to be spiteful or needy. By making this statement you are putting God’s love for us second to His love for Himself. Hearing this statement always makes me feel as if I have to defend my faith and defend God even though, quite truthfully, I am frustrated by His actions. It puts me in an emotional paradox.

Now, let me say loud and clear that I realize no one says these things to intentionally hurt us. People truly do not know what to say and therefore search for a platitude that somewhat makes sense to them. If you have said one of the above things to me don’t worry- I don’t remember if you said it or not. All I know is that clichés just don’t help.

What does help?

Listening. If I want to talk, be there for me. Say that you don’t know what to say, and realize that words can’t make the pain of the loss go away. You can say your sorry, and then ask if you can share your favorite memory. Maybe I am in the mood to hear it, and maybe not. Trust me- it is a day to day adventure in which no one can predict the “emotional weather.” Think about what you would want or not want to hear if the situation was reversed, and go from there. You don’t want to avoid the issue, though….that makes us mad as well.

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/you-said-what/feed/0Dustinghttp://www.carasheartofhope.org/dusting/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/dusting/#respondMon, 21 Jan 2013 01:14:07 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=562This has been a very challenging week. The loss of our daughter is weighing heavily on our hearts, and monopolizing more mental and emotional energy than either of us would like. Why is this? Obviously, Cara is always on our minds and in our hearts. Not an hour goes by that we don’t stop to […]

]]>This has been a very challenging week. The loss of our daughter is weighing heavily on our hearts, and monopolizing more mental and emotional energy than either of us would like. Why is this? Obviously, Cara is always on our minds and in our hearts. Not an hour goes by that we don’t stop to think of her, or stare at a picture. Why the extra heaviness, though? Is it post-holiday blues adding to our grief, or perhaps the passing of so many “firsts” without Cara? Is it the cold weather and rainy days, or the relentless growth of our son as he approaches his birthday? Who knows? It is probably a mix of all those things along with the weight of reality. Whatever it is, it stinks. Life continues and time moves forward whether we like it or not. We have learned a hard lesson in the past two years- acceptance. Acceptance of the things that don’t go our way- that we don’t have control over. Accepting that things can change in an instant and there is no going back. Sometimes, when this acceptance occurs, you realize that you are just along for the ride, doing the best you can do with the time you have.

Thanks for listening. Sometimes it is just comforting to know that people will listen when we need them to. It helps us dust off the emotional top shelf of our grief.

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/dusting/feed/0Interesting…http://www.carasheartofhope.org/heart-of-hope-blog/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/heart-of-hope-blog/#respondMon, 10 Dec 2012 02:50:56 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=504One of the most interesting parts of my new “job” has been the people. All types of people. Of course, I really enjoy spending time with our Heart of Hope Families. It is really rewarding to see them smile when I walk in, or have a mother tell me we are ‘friends forever.’ Aside from […]

]]>One of the most interesting parts of my new “job” has been the people. All types of people. Of course, I really enjoy spending time with our Heart of Hope Families. It is really rewarding to see them smile when I walk in, or have a mother tell me we are ‘friends forever.’ Aside from them, I meet or talk to new people every day, and I spend a LOT of time with our Heart of Hope volunteers/board. It is amazing to talk to people who have heard Cara’s story and feel the need to contact us. I am always so touched to hear how it has been laid on their heart. I’ve heard from a mother in Maryland whose daughter was born the same day as Cara over two years ago. Today, a family came to the bake sale- it was two people I had known since ELEMENTARY school. They have followed Cara’s story and wanted to support us. It was truly special. We meet people who have prayed for us over our journey and just want to give us a hug. Old friends have come forward offering their skills in all sorts of areas, including our wonderful friend who has donated her time and energy to design this website! We now have a ‘Heart of Hope Bow Lady’ who has made beautiful pink heart bows and has been commissioned to supply an entire cheerleading team! We love reading the messages from people who comment on our Facebook posts,or send us messages, or people who see us and stop us for hugs. On the other end, our Heart of Hope team has fully embraced the challenges of running a non-profit and have shown an unlimited amount of love, energy, ideas, patience, and compassion. It shows us we are supported, loved, and that we are definitely not alone.

All of this continues to show us that this is indeed the path God wants us on. He keeps laying the stones and we keep following. All of this because of our daughter- this little piece of heaven we were privilege to know and love. We miss her so much. Together, we are keeping her spirit alive!

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/heart-of-hope-blog/feed/0Caralynn’s Birthdayhttp://www.carasheartofhope.org/caralynns-birthday/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/caralynns-birthday/#respondThu, 29 Nov 2012 03:41:05 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=488Would you believe that Sunday was actually worse for me than Cara’s birthday? We knew Cara’s birthday was coming. In fact, it was a day we had dreaded since she left us in August. Instead of celebrating the amazing accomplishments of our darling daughter or toasting to her bright future, we ate lunch in a cold […]

]]>Would you believe that Sunday was actually worse for me than Cara’s birthday?

We knew Cara’s birthday was coming. In fact, it was a day we had dreaded since she left us in August. Instead of celebrating the amazing accomplishments of our darling daughter or toasting to her bright future, we ate lunch in a cold cemetery. However, I quickly realized that Saturday was just like every other day- Cara was not here.

We celebrated Cara’s first birthday in the hospital. She wasn’t able to open presents or eat cake, so there wasn’t much pomp or circumstance surrounding her day. Her second birthday was the same. I think I was over-prepared. I was so ready to face my grief and open myself to those feelings- I was ready for battle. Instead, it turned out to be a quiet day where we could reflect on our beautiful little girl and appreciate the joy she brought us.

Sunday, however, was not as good. We tackled Christmas decorating head on, and the memories of Cara in the hospital last year were overwhelming. Truthfully, I don’t remember much of Cara’s hospital stay until December- that is when I started coming out of my fog. So now, all the Christmas carols, decorations, etc. remind me so much of her. We have an entire box of decorations that we used in her hospital room which I planned on decorating her bedroom with this year. We were finally able to hold her two days before Christmas.

It just goes to show that you can’t plan grief. I am a planner ( I can hear the laughter of my family and friends as they read this ridiculously obvious statement) and you can never predict to what extent things will affect you. Why am I telling you this? It’s the old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover.” Sometimes things are perfectly fine, and the next minute you could hand me a toothbrush and I’ll burst into tears. With grief, it is like…well…..a fever blister. (Hey- I never claimed to be a writer.) You just never know when one of those darned things will pop up for all of the world to see.

]]>http://www.carasheartofhope.org/caralynns-birthday/feed/0Happy Thanksgivinghttp://www.carasheartofhope.org/happy-thanksgiving/
http://www.carasheartofhope.org/happy-thanksgiving/#respondSun, 25 Nov 2012 03:30:28 +0000http://www.carasheartofhope.org/?p=482So, at Thanksgiving dinner the conversation turned to Social Media. As we talked about how I needed to blog, my family pointedly and rather loudly mentioned that I haven’t blogged since the original post. I am new to this blogging thing, and I am so busy trying to manage Facebook and the website I forgot […]

]]>So, at Thanksgiving dinner the conversation turned to Social Media. As we talked about how I needed to blog, my family pointedly and rather loudly mentioned that I haven’t blogged since the original post. I am new to this blogging thing, and I am so busy trying to manage Facebook and the website I forgot to blog! I don’t know what my family is complaining about anyway- it’s not like any of them have signed up for my blog anyway! They expect me to tell them everything. That’s a lot of pressure! Not to mention I’m going to have to change my cell phone plan. Anyway, then the conversation turned to Twitter. They said I could call it Mandy Titter’s Twitter. A Titter tweet? Um…….no. I don’t want my website flagged! This is the kind of support I get! So, don’t expect any twitterings from this Titter any time soon.

Last year, Thanksgiving was also Cara’s first birthday. In spite of the serious situation we had a wonderful day and were so proud of her. Today was very difficult. We’d rather spend every Thanksgiving in the hospital than spend it without her. This is hard. Very hard.

Today, please give your children an extra hug. The little things really don’t matter. Really. We all have a lot to be thankful for.