Cutting deep... *a bit graphic*

Lately the cuts have been getting deeper. I found a new blade that can do the trick no problem. Its soooo sharp and it feels good. I just tap my skin with the blade and I can see fat and muscles... I feel so good to have the blood pouring down my arms and onto the floor. I think I'm going to cut deep enough to get surgery again, it feels so good. The deeper the cut, the better I feel. Its amazing this feeling of pain. I love to see the blood squirting out when I hit a vein... I love to see all the muscles, tendons, the fat, the veins... all that... Its amazing.
I keep dreaming of swolling razor blades and the feeling it makes as it goes down my throat and the blood I would spit out as it cuts the inside of my throat (I've swollowed razor blades before (from pencil sharpeners) but this one I have now is so sharp and it has a tip on it, it could do something to me.) I can't stop dreaming about cutting my arteries and the blood just spitting out... I cant stop and its scaring me... this sick obsession with death and blood is coming back and its freaking me out.

Melinda. I know all about these feelings. Personally, I'm afraid of razors, but the fascination with blood and veins is very familiar to me. All I want you to know is that you need to find another way of release. I would be very upset to hear that anything bad has happened to you. People here care for you, and I hope that you can find it in you to care about yourself in the same way. The best way to get rid of this behavior is get rid of your tools. This new blade that you're talking about is only going to hurt you in the long run. Don't let such a small object have control over you. You seem like a very independant person, and I'd hate for you to let your best attributes go to waste.

Before you cut again, I just want you to PM me and wait for my response. Even if it takes me a day to respond, just wait. For once, you should watch your emotions swell but come back down on their own. It's such a great feeling to know that you survived an intense feeling without having to hurt yourself.

I hope that some of the things I said help you. Just know that everyone here wants the best for you and you deserve all of the happiness in the world.