Meet six women who go against the grain in order to achieve their "happily ever after"

If you believed everything you read, you'd probably think the state of marriage in America is pretty grim. High-powered athletes and politicos have affairs left and right, divorce is rampant and young people are delaying marriage in order to put their careers first. And then there are the numbers: According to a 2010 survey by the Pew Research Center, nearly 40% of Americans believe marriage is obsolete, and only 54% of American adults are married, down from 72% in 1960. However, some experts argue it's not marriage itself that's obsolete; it's the stereotype of what a "perfect" marriage is that's antiquated.

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"We've been taught to believe in this gold standard of relationships; this fairytale that doesn't actually exist," says Iris Krasnow, author of the upcoming book The Secret Lives of Wives: Women Share What It Really Takes to Stay Married. "But women are realizing that to be happy they need the freedom to write their own rules and venture into unchartered territory." And because women are doing just that, the divorce rate is actually down to just 43% (from 50% in the '90s), she says. "They're creating their own marriages and realizing there are many different ways to have a long, married life." Just ask these six women, who say that their unorthodox approaches to marriage are the glue that's keeping them together.

Iris, who's also a journalism professor at American University in Washington, DC, has spent the last 10 summer vacations apart from her husband. When the couple's four boys were younger, she was a counselor at the summer camp they went to, leaving her husband, Chuck, home alone, building furniture in his workshop. "He doesn't like summer camp and I love it—the trees, the hiking, the crisp mountain air," she says. Iris believes most women would benefit from following their own passions, even if those interests take them away from their husbands for short periods of time. "It drives me crazy when someone says, 'Oh, I'd love to go to the Greek Islands, but my husband doesn't want to.' I always say, 'Go! It's OK to vacation by yourself.'" In fact, for the past two summers, Iris has traveled to the West Coast for a three-week writer's retreat, and cherished the time she spent alone. "I actually believe that aloneness can enhance true intimacy with another because you get to know yourself better," she says. "Self-exploration leads to growth for you, and that renewal fuels the growth of your marriage." Don't have three weeks? Take a three-day getaway with your girlfriends or a daytrip to a museum or nearby town that you've always wanted to see. You'll be fulfilled, your husband won't be cranky about having to go somewhere he doesn't want to go to and you'll both have something new to share when you get home. Photo: Shutterstock

Susan Schenck, 55, author of The Live Food Factor, has been with her husband for 17 years—and has happily had her own bedroom for 16. The main reason? The couple couldn't be more opposite when it comes to their sleep habits. "He snores while I toss and turn, so we disrupt each other's sleep," Susan says. "He also requires a soft mattress due to a back injury and, to me, it feels like we're sleeping on a marshmallow! Plus, we go to bed and get up at completely different times; I like being able to read in bed at night and the light would disturb him." Susan says if they didn't have separate bedrooms, their relationship would suffer. "If we don't get enough sleep, we're cranky, and we fight a lot more often," she says. And the arrangement actually adds an element of spice to their marriage. "It's exciting when he sneaks in my room to cuddle at night," she says. "And since we cuddle less than we would if we slept together, we appreciate it more—it's sweeter." If your hubby's snoring, tossing and turning, odd sleeping hours or any other disturbing habit is keeping you from catching some much-needed zzz's, why not camp out in the guest room a couple nights a week? You may find that when you're well rested, you're also a much happier wife. Photo: iStock

Due to the tough economy, Gabby Jenkins*, 39, is unable to leave her job in Los Angeles to be with her husband Todd, 45, who's finishing school in San Diego—but that suits her just fine. "We married later in life and I had already lived on my own for many years," she says. "Moving in with someone would be a hard adjustment for me." The two commute to see each other on weekends, like they did when they were courting. Although she misses him during the week, Gabby sees a silver lining: "I secretly love living apart," she says. "I never have to tell him to pick up his socks, watch history or sci-fi TV shows on a continuous loop or listen to his weird folk music." Photo: Shutterstock

When 39-year-old therapist Lisa Haisha got engaged to her now-husband, they began looking for a house together. "We found one that we loved, bought it and I began moving my stuff in," she says. But the couple soon realized that the house was much smaller than it looked. By the time Lisa, the founder of the retreat Soul Blazing Sanctuary, had finished moving in, there was no room left for her husband's belongings. "I had been looking for a place to hold my workshops, so we decided that this house would be perfect—it could be both my home and office." Her Hollywood producer husband moved into his own house four blocks away and the two see each other nearly every night and on weekends, and spend the night together about once a week. "We hang out at my house or his house and we value quality time," she says. The two also have a 3-year-old daughter who lives at Lisa's house. "Traditional marriage doesn't work for us," she says. "We're very independent people, but we always have each others' backs." While you might not be able to run out and buy your own house, you and your husband can still carve out your own personal spaces—even if it's just an armchair in the corner of your bedroom where you can curl up with a good book. Photo: Shutterstock

When a husband and wife have jobs that require extended amounts of travel, they can lose the intimacy and companionship that comes from everyday contact. Jennifer Diliberto*, 54, found a way to make up for it: Eight years ago she met Jim, a man in the same business circles, whose travel path often crosses with hers. "At first, I saw him as just a business colleague," she says. "And then I realized how much fun he was, and that I really liked being around him." Over the years, a platonic bond formed and the two found themselves enjoying each other's company—professionally and personally. "We stay in touch over email and Skype and when we travel to the same place, we have dinner, or go hiking or for a bike ride," she says. "I love my husband…[but he] isn't super-engaged with me. Work is definitely his priority and that's OK—I knew who he was when I married him. I love him very much, but there's definitely that part of our relationship that's lacking." Her friendship with Jim helps satisfy her need for companionship and, rather than come between Jennifer and her husband—who knows about and supports the friendship—it helps keep their marriage strong. "Spending time with Jim makes me a happier woman and a better wife," she says. Photo: Shutterstock

Think one husband is too much to deal with? Try two. Forty-six-year-old Rita Snyder* married her real-life husband a year ago, and is marrying her online boyfriend in Utherverse, a virtual online world similar to Second Life, this month. "I met [my online boyfriend] last fall, and we instantly had great chemistry," she says. "He's like a best friend who is always there when I need somebody to talk to. He makes me feel good and lifts my mood, which carries over into my real life." Even so, Rita doesn't see him as a threat to her real relationship. "My real-life husband is the greatest ever," she says. "He knows I only want him, and I do, in real life." The appeal of the cyber-husband is that she gets to have a fantasy relationship with another man. They discuss real-life emotions in Internet chats and have a bond, which they don't have to worry about turning physical since it all takes place online. One of the reasons her husband supports her online marriage is that he also plays the online game and has a cyber-spouse. "We have complete trust in each other, and also have fun talking about the game and the people we encounter," she says. "I feel like I have the best of both worlds, and am so lucky to have met them and have each of them in my life." Photo: Shutterstock