Adult Circumcision

Adult Circumcision: The Facts

Virtual sex

Hey Doc,

I’m a 25-year-old woman in a long-distance relationship, and I really love the man I’m with. We started dating in college and haven’t been apart for more than a few days ever since. I see myself marrying this man, but, recently, his international business consultant job has required him to travel a lot and live in different parts of the world for extended periods of time. We’re talking months away. It’s been hard, and he’s been pushing for us to make videos of each other touching ourselves, having sex, and having webcam or Skype sex. In your professional opinion, can any of these things be harmful or hurtful in a relationship?

- Marie-Elise, MA

Masturbation videos, sex videos and web/Skype sex all have the potential to be amazing libido enhancers or harmful to a relationship. It depends on how you use them and how trustworthy and honorable our partners are. In a perfect world, we could all record our most intimate moments with our partners and relive the magic over and over either alone or together. Wouldn’t it be great to be able to use sex and technology together to get off when we’re alone?

But life isn’t always so perfect — and neither are people. Some individuals take advantage of a purely pleasurable intention like a sexual video and use it against their partner, post it online or show it to friends. With anything recorded, there’s the potential for it to get out and go public, whether intentionally or unintentionally. So whatever you do, make sure to think about the worst-case scenario and see if you can live with it. I know we all believe our partners are the greatest and would never lie or hurt us, but do we still think the same thing after the relationship ends?

I'd side with caution on this one unless you can work something out that makes you feel comfortable. For example, swap incriminating material so you have the goods on each other. Also, try keeping your head and identifying features (tattoos) away from the camera. Though I possess the rare skill of being able to identify porn stars from their nude bodies and genitalia alone, most people can’t. You can also take non-identifiable photos and have some good old fashion phone sex while looking at each others' unidentifiable pictures. Maybe you’d like to say no because that makes you feel comfortable. Or maybe you’re this closeted porn starlet and will love getting in front of the camera naked and ready to entertain. Who knows? Weigh the pros and cons, make your own informed decision that feels right to you, and, hopefully, you and your man keep the long-distance flames of passion alive in ways you both agree on.

Vomit play

Hi Dr. C,

My question is about people barfing on each other during sex. This was disgusting, and I saw it as a joke from a friend that emailed me a link. There can’t be people who actually like this. It’s only for shock value, right?

- Charles, IL

You win the award for coolest and most original question of the week. Although barfing is a good way to describe it, let's stick to something simple and neutral like vomit play. Because it’s a less-common form of sexual expression, there will be a good chunk of individuals who enjoy it from a shock perspective. But there is also a small minority of individuals who truly enjoy this behavior. Those genuinely engaging in this type of play may enjoy their partner covered in vomit, like the sight or smell of it, or get aroused by ingesting it.

It may be that people enjoy the vomit themselves or there could be more psychologically arousing mechanisms at work here. Themes of dirtiness, degradation, humiliation, power exchange, and control may likely be present. People will have different reasons as to why vomit turns them on. In the past, I had a client who enjoyed giving and receiving deep-throat fellatio until she gagged enough to vomit. For her partner, it wasn’t about being turned on by the puke itself; it was more about feeling powerful and witnessing the evidence that she deep-throated as far as she could go. For him, it was validating and reassuring to know that she would go to extreme lengths for him and his pleasure. For her, vomiting on him was her way of making him filthy and humiliating him. It gave her the feeling of “erotic revenge” as we labeled it. It worked for them wonderfully.

A lot of behaviors are too taboo for people and are outside the scope of what they find erotic or acceptable, and that’s perfectly OK. Maybe it’s vomit for you, anal for others, oral for some, and for a few, any position outside of missionary. The point is, we shouldn’t be judgmental because something isn’t our cup of tea. It’s likely others may judge us for our own behaviors and for what we think is fun and enjoyable in the bedroom. As long as it’s consensual, isn’t harming anyone and done safely and privately, we should be accepting of the whole palette of sexual tastes. That is easier said than done when it’s behaviors we don’t agree with or practice.