Coming from a psychologists’ family, I have heard all my life all kind of theories about how to understand myself, and knowing why I do what I do. During my teenage years the meal times were a kind of psychological analysis of everyone involved, that ended up bringing me apart from every book, theory, manual or CD related to psychology or personal growth.

However, in different moments of my life I have visited a number of psychologists, when I have had the feeling that things go over board and get off my control. And even though there where patches that were helpful in that moment and helped to make decisions and go ahead in my life, I think that very seldom they helped me to connect with my most deepest self and with that essence that moves my feelings, words and actions.

After moving to Miami, becoming a mother, changing my job, starting a new family situation and arriving to the decade of the 40s, I felt again the need of starting a therapy. Though, this time, unlike the others, I started to center in myself.

Yes, I can’t deny that these two hours of therapy per month were very effective during this abrupt transition to my new life, though what really was a radical change was the day my friend Ana Barrio invited me to something know as Affinity Group, for which there is no fee and I only have to enter a call one hour a week.

With some rules that say that you should not intervene when other is sharing his or her experience, that should not try to save the other person, that should not give any advice, that in your mind you should be aware of your judgments and try not to make them, that you should take responsibility for your feelings and actions talking in first person, and that this is a space to give and receive love unconditionally, among others, I started to practice one hour a week principles that have become very handy when used outside of this small space and taken to my day-to-day relationships.

After 6 months of calling every Monday, Ana invited me to go to the workshop and retreat that would take place in Palm Island, Florida, and I found the idea very attractive. Even though I would have liked to be in the whole experience, I decided to go only to the first part in which we learned the theory presented in the books by Paul Ferrini, which honestly I’m not yet done reading.

I was there practically with the only expectation of seeing my friend, spend some peaceful days in an island on the Gulf of Mexico and let myself be surprised. Indeed, those four days had nothing to do with any kind of vacation, and more than being a trip to this paradise island there were a real journey into my very deep me.

Even though I didn’t have a glorious moment of catharsis or any kind of revelation (In fact, I was not looking for them), I did learn important things about my fears, shames, anger and judgments; I freed myself from the weight that one carries when you blame others for your unhappiness, and also discovered with a lot of pride that in some way, probably intuitively, this 42-years journey in this life I have learned each time to love myself more.

Though, there is still a whole lot to do, and I say it without the shame or beating oneself up that I could feel when accepting my flaws, but with all the joy and happiness of someone who wants to stay a long time in this world and who knows that life is full of constant dawns.