'In Search of the Ultra-Sex' ('A la recherche de l'Ultra-Sex'): Film Review

Two decades of French porn adds up to this?

A That's Entertainment! for bizarro cinematic sex scenes, Nicolas Charlet and Bruno Lavaine's In Search of the Ultra-Sex goes a step beyond compiling some of the weirdest couplings you've never seen: It then stitches these hard- and softcore porn excerpts into a shamelessly silly plotline, dubbing in new dialogue about a galactic plot to mess with Earth's sex drive. A ready-made cult object, the French import will amuse the curious at fests and could make whoopie in special bookings before heading to video. (If only a VHS release were possible.)

The filmmakers reportedly scoured over 2,500 adult films in the Canal+ archives to come up with the building blocks seen here, many of which are so outlandish one marvels any producer paid to shoot them. Sure: Given the long history of porn titles leeching a hit film's popularity via dubious parody, we may not be shocked to learn someone made an Edward Penishands, or to see a Cyrano de Bergerac whose proboscis attracts lewd attention. (And of course there's a Star Trek ripoff here.) But roller sex, in which twosomes compete to copulate in the most athletic ways possible while zipping around a skating rink? That takes imagination — and, one presumes, a lot of bruised coccyges.

For many viewers, adding value to this trove of goofy eroticism will be gilding a lily. And it's not as if the script Charlet and Lavaine add to their construction works as hard as, say, that of Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid. Here, a malevolent entity has stolen something called the Ultra-Sex, a "sexual matrix" keeping libidos in line. Suddenly, lust is unleashed on planet Earth, with everyday situations breaking into naked funtime at the drop of a pencil. While the victims don't seem too unhappy with this state of affairs, a motley team of spaceship crews (led by fearless men with names like General Willy and Captain Cock — see above re: screenwriting effort) set out to retrieve the Ultra-Sex and put things right.

This narrative overlay is about as diverting as an MST3K outing — funny-voice versions of the usual heavy breathing help a bit — though occasionally one wishes one could hear the original dialogue a film's screenwriters used to justify this absurd action. Only here, though, will viewers get to hear the Queen of England impatiently tell an aide, "Cut the salamu-alaykums, find me dwarves to f—."