The evil twin powers: Un-forgiveness and bitterness

Oh boy, did I have a lot to learn about these guys. Un-forgiveness and bitterness are probably the most toxic emotions we can have. Over time, if we hold on to them, they will poison our soul and seep into every area of our lives. They literally are silent and deadly killers.

I’ve heard it said many times, “Un-forgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Wow, that’s a powerful statement.

Have you ever been hurt by someone? Betrayed? Treated badly or wronged? Perhaps a loved one’s life was cut short, because of another person’s recklessness or violent actions. Jesus commanded us to forgive. It wasn’t a suggestion…As hard as it may be for you, make the choice to forgive and give it to God.

Matthew 6:14-15
(Amplified Bible)

For if you forgive people their trespasses their reckless and willful sins., leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their trespasses their reckless and willful sins, leaving them, letting them go and giving up resentment, neither will your Father forgive you your trespasses.

I tell people all the time, God didn’t give us His Word just to be bossy and try to make our lives harder. It’s actually the complete opposite. God knows that if we endeavor to live by His Word and do what it says, we will actually live in peace and well being. We will be free on the inside and out! It will actually be health to our spirit, soul and body.

Proverbs 4:20-22
(Amplified Bible)

My son, attend to my words; consent and submit to my sayings. Let them not depart from your sight; keep them in the center of your heart. For they are life to those who find them, healing and health to all their flesh.

Over time, un-forgiveness and bitterness will weigh us down. If gone un-checked it will eventually spread into every area of our lives.

I heard a story re-canted by my Bible teacher once. She had the privilege of watching the the amazing Watoto Children’s Choir perform. These precious children and young adults are from Uganda and are survivors of the Ugandan Genocide. It was a war waged against them by evil rulers and oppressors. Approximately one million Ugandan people were brutally slaughtered at the hands of corrupt individuals.

The Watoto Children’s Choir shares their story of forgiveness everywhere they go. They travel all over the world singing praises to God. My Bible teacher said one young person from the choir stood up during the performance and said: “When we are very, very young, we are taught that if a snake bites us, we are never to go after the snake, but after the venom in us.”

A poisonous snake’s venom can be deadly. The venom is released into the victim’s blood stream and slowly spreads throughout the body and may result in death. Often times getting to a hospital and receiving the proper antidote is crucial.

It’s the same with un-forgiveness. Once it’s in you, it spreads and poisons your soul, unless you get the proper antidote. The antidote for un-forgiveness is trusting God with your hurt, heartache, anger and choosing to give it all to Him. You see, when you choose not to forgive, what you’re really saying is “This hurt is too much for you to fix God. I’m never going to let this go. I’m handling this, not you. I can never forgive the person(s) for what they did to me and my family. Never. I don’t trust you with this one God. No way.”

When you hold on to un-forgiveness, you shut God out. In other words, you’re saying “I don’t have faith in you God and your ability to heal me for what happened, or what was done to me.” You are preventing any healing to your hurts and keeping the venom inside of you. Eventually, it spreads and can result in death. Death to your faith. Death to your prayers, because they go unanswered. Death to your joy. Death to your peace. Death to your health. Death to your relationships. You will eventually grow hard and calloused.

You see, God wants you to forgive, so He can heal you, bless you, and restore joy to you. He wants to be the one to help you through and He wants you to let His ways be the antidote to that snake bite. He will never let you down if you choose to trust Him. Let yourself be free from all the bitterness and un-forgiveness. You will literally feel like a huge weight has been lifted from you when you do.

You can pray something like this right now:Father, I have been carrying this ugly bitterness, hate and un-forgiveness for so long. Now I know that it’s only been harming me and my loved ones. I don’t want to carry it anymore. I give it all to you Lord. I forgive (name the person(s) here). I choose to let them go from my mental prison. I hate what they did to me (or your family member), but I make a choice out of obedience to forgive them simply because you told me too. I want to be free and healed of all the anger. Please forgive me for holding onto un-forgiveness and bitterness for so long. I repent. I choose your ways Lord. I might not understand all your ways God, but help me too. I want your blessings in my life.

The Bible says that God wants to restore to you everything that was stolen in your life. God wants to give you beauty for your ashes. He wants to give you lightheartedness instead of heavy heartedness. All you have to do is tear down that wall of bitterness and un-forgiveness by praying that prayer above, so God can come in and re-build and restore. I promise you, God will not let you down. He wants to heal you and see you be set free.

**Have you asked Jesus Christ to come into your heart and be your Lord and Savior? If you haven’t would you consider praying this out loud right now? “Jesus, come into my heart. Be my Lord and Savior. Take my life and do something with it. I choose your ways.” If you prayed that, let me know! Get a Bible, they sell them inexpensively at WalMart! If you need help finding a good, strong Bible church I will send you some suggestions. Be blessed today! God loves you 🙂

Liz Lemery Joy

11 Responses

A very wise mentor once told me unforgiveness was like shutting the person you weren’t forgiving in a dungeon cell. They were in the cell, in the dark, damp cold, with all the nasty stuff growing on the walls and the bugs and rats. But because you had them there, you were their jailor. So you had to be in there, too. The only way to open your door and leave was to free them by forgiving them.

He also said the odd thing is many times people are not even aware they have wounded you and are in there. They go blissfully on with their lives, and you are in the prison of your unforgiveness of them.

When he told me these things, he knew there were things in my life that had happened to me, things that I could not control. They were serious forms of abuse and mistreatment from people who should have protected me, and from my peers. In other words, in worldly terms, I had every reason in the world to NOT forgive many, many people. (Why I did not become someone who lashed out and took revenge is only through God’s amazing grace!)

But in telling me these truths, he helped me move farther on a path of healing. It’s a path I still walk, from being a victim, to becomming a victor over my life’s circumstances. I chose, and still choose, to be better instead of bitter. It also makes me a MUCH happier person . . .

BTW, Rev Liz,what I said about forgiving those people? Before anyone misinterprets my words (or yours) and thinks that this is some pie in the sky, walk in the park thing, the acts of forgiving those people were some of the hardest things I’ve ever done! It literally took months and months and months!!

Every time I thought of them negatively, every time I remembered a painful event, I had to forgive again. Each and every time. Over and over and over again. Did I want to? NO! But I had been told it would heal me, and I trusted that mentor.

Every time, I would pray, “I forgive so-and-so for this-and-such, by an act of my will, in obedience you YOUR will, O God! Please change my heart toward them.” For months and months, it was multiple times daily. Gradually, it tapered off, as the bitterness, rage and anger I justifiably felt over the horrid things done to me just melted away. I can talk about it now, but I don’t have the emotion attached any more. That’s freedom.

Forgiveness, you see, is a lot like love. Contrary to popular culture, love isn’t a thing or feeling, like a noun. It’s something you do, like a verb. So is forgiveness. Sometimes, especially after an arguement, you don’t feel love toward someone until you do something loving for them. After 32 years married and many arguements with my spouse, I can assure you completely of that!!

It’s the same with forgiveness. You won’t feel it until you do it. And sometimes, if the hurt is deep and the wounds are many (as mine were), it takes repetition. Sometimes, as with me, lots of it.

The feelings do come. And they bring something unexpected and wonderful with them — PEACE.

CK,
So true. Again, so very well said and on target. I’ve had to do the same thing. Sometimes it took years! Other times, with other things it was weeks, and for some, days. It just depends, but continually lifting up the person (s) and actively forgiving regularly, over and over is many times what it takes. For me, I wanted freedom from the feelings and anger that went with it, and knowing the blessings would follow….

OMG – your name is “Joy” and your picture shows a person full of “joy” – and you’re preaching about letting go of the very opposite of “joy”! Some people find their true calling in life in their job – I think you surely must have!