TOILET paper companies must be jostling for pole position at the other end of the rope bridge to sign up Carol Thatcher for their next campaign. (Suggested slogan: Does the PM's daughter s*** in the woods?) But who will be the celebrity voted Least Boring out of this snooze-worthy bunch?

Much as we've warmed to Not So Little Jimmy Osmond and enjoyed hearing about Harry Kewell's stretch marks and peachy bum from his girlfriend Sheree, no one this year has come close to the shock-horror value provided by the likes of John Lydon, Paul Burrell, Natalie Appleton's tree-phobia or the Jordan and Peter love-in.

Would things have been different if Elaine Lordan hadn't fainted her way out of contention? Or if Kimberley Davies hadn't held her nose as she hit the water, breaking a rib in the process? Probably not.

Will the farting Carol Thatcher trump them all? Or will Ant and Dec stage a bloodless coup and crown themselves Kings of the Jungle? All will be revealed tonight.