Well, before you get too far down the pike brainstorming strategies for attracting the ladies (such as arbitrary use of the color pink, commercials featuring giggly galpals out shopping, and the random, gratuitous insertion of pomegranate into menu items — we've seen it all before), here's some advice from your target demographic about what we really want from a fast food joint. Hint: It doesn't involve Asian chicken salad.

Change your name to "Burger Queen." (We kid, we kid.)

Clean your restaurants more often. As any man who has been caught wearing the same socks for three days straight knows all too well, we tend to have higher standards for cleanliness than guys do. Don't bother redesigning your restaurants to look like nightclubs, but they shouldn't smell like subway platforms or have tables covered in dried ketchup and soda residue. And those straw dispensers? The ones where the straw isn't in a wrapper? They need to go.

Think quality over quantity, generally. Not all women are calorie-loathing fun-sponges. Many of us do in fact enjoy the odd burger, but we'd pay a premium for a nice little number that features organic and/or grass-fed and/or lean beef. Heck, maybe a wholegrain bun, too.

Make better coffee. And we don't mean cappuccinos and sugary Frappuccino rip-offs. Dunkin' Donuts is a longtime women's favorite, and not (just) because we have a deep, hidden desire at all times to eat, or simply gaze at, sugar-laden carbs. Dunkin' also offers a wonderful, plain, ordinary cuppa joe. Momma like.

Provide even moderately healthy options for kids. Busy moms love nothing more than a quick way to feed kids, but it makes us die a little bit inside when we fill those hungry little mouths with greasy fries, über-processed chicken fingers, and snacks loaded with high-fructose corn syrup. Please provide us with a wholesome kids' meal.

Offer vegetable-driven options that don't involve iceberg lettuce. For whatever reason, fast food chains have a tendency to try to solve their women problem by tacking a salad onto the end of the menu and calling it a day. Well, a good salad is hard to make, and pretty much never involves weepy old iceberg and a mealy wedge of tomato. Not to get too Wendy's on you, but how about a baked sweet potato? Or a portobello burger?

Stock some fresh fruit. Would it kill you to keep some bananas by the register? And maybe apples, not in pie form?

Offer best-in-class restrooms. We are always on a vigilant search for a better public restroom — how do you think Starbucks got so popular? If you provide these, Burger King will become our pit stop of choice on road trips. And we'll tell our friends.

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