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oh wow!!! I'm still laughing!! At least you're still trying to get that hammock right. I too "had" one of those military hammocks. Took one look at it and decided to see if any of my scouts would want to experiment with it. Had a taker and I handed it over to him. I even made up some tree straps and threw those in too. All free, it was worth it to me to give it away (after your story, I'm glad I did)
Do yourself a favor and find someone to take that hammock off your hands and look into some of the ones the folks on this forum have

I feel it's safe to say that nearly everyone here has accidentally gone to ground at one time or the other. So you are in good company.

During my "trip to the ground" I got trapped in the hammock between the netting on my right & the body of my hammock to the left. Fortunately I was in the back yard & my wife was home AND I could just barely reach my cell phone. Unfortunately, my wife was home! She could barely help me as she was laughing at me so hard.
Yes I could have gotten out, but not without totally destroying the bug netting.
Totally my fault, not equipment failure exactly, I just fell out of and in to my hammock.

When you have a backpack on, no matter where you are, you’re home.
PAIN is INEVITABLE. MISERY is OPTIONAL.

Very funny ! I have been through ( I mean though) two hammocks and the first time I tried to get my wife in one my trail stick toggle kept breaking and landing me. Safe to say it was a while before she trusted my suspension. Good story. Welcome to the hang