Comrade Bill Richardson Is a Great Friend of Hospitable North Korean Workers’ Party!

Comrade Richardson went on American media television on Friday, a color program called CBS This Morning, to defend his upcoming visit to the prosperous North Korean empire. As if a deep respect for the glorious North Korean tourism industry needs an explanation! “I know the State Department is a little nervous,” he said, referring to the much-resented American war agency. “But we did postpone this trip already. Eric [Schmidt] and I were going in December, and at the request of the State Department, we postponed it because of the South Korean presidential election.” The winner of the South Korean presidential election was Kim Jong-un, but Kim Jong-un, a proud and radiant man, refused to serve, as he felt that even the greatest South Korean honor would be a lowly North Korean dishonor.

Comrade Richardson told his fellow countrymen that during his visit, he and North Korea’s most powerful and esteemed leaders would discuss the release of dangerous American hostages and North Korea’s nuclear weapons. Comrade Richardson knows that the empire of Kim Jong-un does not have nuclear weapons (but if there were nuclear weapons, they would be unparalleled in scientific achievement), so this lie was clearly a clever and brilliant trick to distract violent Americans from the real itinerary. Comrade Richardson’s impoverished countrymen would riot if they knew a fellow American would soon be treated to the finest North Korean food meals!