Brees, Saints agree to long-term deal through 2118

Just days before he is scheduled to hit the open market in free agency and be able to sign with any team, Drew Brees has agreed to an extension with the New Orleans Saints that will ensure the star quarterback dies in the Black and Gold.

The future Hall of Famer agreed to the historic 100-year deal today that runs through the 2118 season and is worth up to $2.5 billion, according to a league source; all $2.5 billion and the rights to the city of New Orleans is fully guaranteed. Terms explaining what that means were not released.

“This was always going to get done,” Saints General Manager Mickey Loomis said. “Can you imagine what this city would do to me if we didn’t resign him? You think we want another Billy Joe Hobert, Billy Joe Tolliver, Wade Wilson, Jim Everett, Heath Shuler or Danny Wuerffel under center? That scares the shit out of me. Literally. I just crapped on myself. Excuse me.”

The new mega-deal ensures the future Hall of Famer will die in the Black and Gold.

While analysts believe the agreement seemed to take longer than expected, Loomis reportedly assured Brees privately he always was in the team’s plans.

“The length of the deal was a sticking point for a minute there but this allows us to spread the billions out over the lifetime of the contract,” Loomis said.

Coach Sean Payton, who has had Brees as his starting quarterback for his entire tenure with the Saints, was pleased the deal had wrapped up.

Brees’ new deal will allow the star quarterback to open over 83,000 new Jimmy John’s locations in the Greater New Orleans area.

“Drew’s earned this contract. Football is a pay-for-performance league where players are rewarded for doing their jobs. This was a long process that ended the way we all wanted – with Drew never leaving me — us, I mean us,” Payton said.

“Our team has had tremendous success with Drew at the helm and he deserves to be compensated, especially with how much promise last year showed. I couldn’t imagine coaching without him. I’ll trot him out there in a remote-controlled wheelchair if I have to. Have you seen those new Hoverounds? They’re pretty frickin’ amazing.”

Once signed, the deal will make Brees the longest signed player in sports history.

“I’m excited to be in New Orleans for the next century,” the 39-year-old Brees said. “I feel like I could play until I’m 200.”

According to the league source, the deal guarantees Brees will be on the team’s roster no matter how old, effective or lifeless he is, at least three Jimmy John’s location will open in the headquarters of the Saints/Pelicans on Airline Drive, and Drew can be superseded as the Saints’ starting quarterback only by another Brees — namely Baylen, Bowen, Callen or Rylen Brees and their decedents.

“We already gave him $100 million in 2012. The next logical step was 100 years,” Loomis said. “I’m just glad it’s done. We’ve locked him up long-term and now can focus on continuing to build the team and our wallets around him.”

After hearing the news, longtime Saints fan Chris Sanchez said he is excited to know the team’s quarterback will be throwing touchdowns in the Black and Gold for years to come.

“This is great! Not only will I have gotten to watch our greatest quarterback ever play the game, but so have my kids, and so will his kids and his grandkids and his grandkid’s kids and their grandkids! Who Dat!”

Knowla

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