No date for Valentine’s Day? No problem, if you’re speed dating

Friday

Debba Pitcock is a bartender on a mission: to help the island’s single men and women meet and fall in love.

Tonight, the 41-year-old Pitcock, who is single, is undertaking the huge task of off-season matchmaking by hosting a free speed-dating event at The Rose & Crown, where she is the manager.

“It will be interesting to see how many single men and women there are on-island,” said Pitcock.

If Oscar Wilde was right when he said, “The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death,” then Pitcock will have her hands full.

“All I hear from guys is there are no women on Nantucket in the wintertime,” said Pitcock. “I hear the same thing from women. There are no men.”

The speed-dating concept was invented by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo and his wife, Sue Deyo, in Los Angeles, Calif. in 1999 as a way for Jewish singles to meet and to discourage them from marrying outside the faith. It quickly caught on outside Judiasm, particularly in metropolitan areas with large numbers of young, professional singles who found themselves too busy for traditional dating, and has been glamorized in television shows like “Sex and the City” and movies like “Hitch.”

Many singles welcome speed dating as an alternative to the bar scene or blind dates. It’s played a lot like musical chairs, with men and women talking for about three minutes, before a bell is rung and they move to the next table, where a new “date” is waiting.

After each date, participants score the encounter on a card and hand their cards to an organizer at the end of the event. The organizer then puts interested parties together. Pitcock has lived on the island for 18 years, coming here after graduating from Siena College near Albany, N.Y.

Although she has done some dating on Nantucket, she never married, and has a boyfriend in Worcester, Mass.

“I am fortunate enough to meet the guy I am with, who I met in the bar. He’s a great guy and he is a fireman,” she said.

Pitcock said she tries to promote events which will bring people out of the house in the winter and do something social.

“I try to give people something to do. We usually have activities five nights a week,” she said. “We’ve had Thelma and Louise parties every Super Bowl Sunday, Male Reviews, Poker Nights, Trivia Nights, Beat the Winter Blues parties and now Speed Dating.”

Speed Dating will start at 8 p.m. tonight.

Pitcock is working behind the scenes to make sure there are an equal number of men and women and is encouraging couples to come and support their single friends. There will be no age range.

“Age on Nantucket is just a number,” said Pitcock. “I know people who are 55 and who look like they are 40 and hang out like they are 20.”

She is undecided if the men or the women will be stationary (In speed dating, one group of singles sit at tables, while the other rotates from date to date), but there will be a three-minute limit for each date.

“I’ll ring a bell and the couples will shake hands and then the one who is not stationary, will move on to the next table,” said Pitcock. “Everyone will have a three-minute date. There will be no skipping over a table. It’s only three minutes. You can hold your breath.” Pitcock will give each participant a form, where the Speed Date men and women will note if they are interested in meeting a participant after the event.

“You fill out your form and bring it back to me. If there is a mutual attraction or a desire to get to know someone better, I’ll be the middle person.”

When it comes to dating or introducing oneself to a member of the opposite sex, people tend to be nervous, noted Pitcock, who’s seen it all from her vantage point behind the horseshoe-shaped Rose & Crown bar.

“Shy people use the bartenders,” said Pitcock. “Buy a drink and have the bartender give it to the person you are interested in meeting. Most bartenders are outgoing, bubbly and vivacious and want to help.”

When in doubt, flirt.

“The design of the Rose & Crown bar is conducive to flirting,” Pitcock explained. “Sit across from someone and make a bit of flirty eye contact and give a big smile. Guys are shy, too.”

“I myself am fairly bold. I am not shy when it comes to walking over and introducing myself and asking if they like to chat,” said Pitcock. “I’ve always been very outgoing and extroverted and bartending affords you the opportunity to be on stage.”

Another Pitcock observation? Single people in the modern age tend to go out in groups. “Dating is a lost art,” she said. “People don’t go out on dinner dates and kiss goodnight and go home anymore. People are nervous about dating. I hope this sparks that interest to go out and have coffee or go to lunch. You’re supposed to get that thrill of the pursuit. I hate game playing, but there is an art to the chase. Maybe it will be a new career for me: matchmaking.”

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