It’s the Dungeons and Dragons alignment table applied to the nine character classes. Which is cute and funny and all that. And then we started arguing with it. So, in an attempt to see if I can depose the reigning geekiest RPS post of all time, here’s some in depth and serious analysis about What D&D alignment Would The TF2 classes be.

Kill me.
Starting thoughts – while they’re backing up their thing with quotes, pretty much all the characters will say something which could justify them into any of the alignments. They’re a ranty bunch, bless ’em. Second obvious problem is that while there’s nine alignments and nine characters, that doesn’t mean that they’ll match up neatly. In fact, most would probably push into Chaotic Evil, because they spend all their lives in an enclosed arena blowing stuff up and laughing and laughing and laughing, until they’re liquidised.

They aren’t nice people.

But, for the sakes of the game, we have to assume a Best Fit situation. And with that in mind…

LAWFUL GOOD: They say Medic. We say… well, this one’s right. Despite his teutonic tones and general demeanour of a comedy nazi scientist – the best kind! – he heals people.

NEUTRAL GOOD: They say Heavy. This upsets Alec, who as a born-and-bred Heavy, believes he’s Chaotic, and probably Chaotic Evil. He’s the guy who’s openly laughing as he unleashes the eternal beauty of a minigun. This isn’t traditionally good behaviour, y’know. That said, in this little world, my suspicion leans towards Chaotic Good – because while he’s all about the megadeath and the cackling, he’s also the guy you’d like to go drinking with. He’ll get his round in, unlike the Sniper. Hell, the Spy will be sneaking sips whenever you go to the bogs. And Minsc from Baldur’s Gate was Chaotic Good, I believe, who certainly is a parallel to our enormous Russian.

CHAOTIC GOOD: They say Scout. The entire RPS collective goes No. The Scout is a smarly little bastard who should be set on fire – which is lucky, as that happens fairly regularly. Do two at once, and you even get an achievement.
LAWFUL NEUTRAL: They say Engineer, and it’s another one which is easy to concur with. Lawful neutral is all about the infrastructure for the sake of infrastructure – rules for their own sake. He’s existing in a world of constant bloodshed and explosions, and he’s the guy who’s still trying to build some kind of civilization. Turrets and teleporters are only a start. You know if you left him alone long enough, he’d have constructed some of functional settlement with hot running water and a nice place to store his Country records.

NEUTRAL: Sniper, apparently. I can see what they’re going for – the distance and all. But the clinical cruelty of the Sniper, slowly picking off people who never stood a chance is about as Evil as you can get. The hired assassin character – be a professional – is deeply Lawful Evil. Yeah, he’s a killer for money – but he’ll keep his word. But his word rarely involves looking after your cat. His word involves the propulsion of brains out of the back of heads via the insertion of hypervelocity rounds.
CHAOTIC NEUTRAL: Demoman. And, yeah, this makes sense too. He’s drunk. And drunkeness is a state of awesome unpredictability. Are you going to help dogs home? Are you going to start fights? Are you going to pass out? Who can tell. That said, I’m tempted to push him towards True Neutral, if only as I want the Scout over here. True Neutral is about maintaining balance. And – as everyone knows – maintaining balance is essential when your blood is proof.
LAWFUL EVIL: They say Soldier. I can see it. He’s got the dual attributes of military discipline (Lawful) and homicidal bloodthirst (Evil). But, in practice, he’s not as openly Evil as the Sniper and his actual militaristic flourishes are more parodies of discipline. Remeber his video, giving that lecture to his line up. He’s openly apeshit. Were it a free choice, I’d lob him over at Chaotic Evil. But…
NEUTRAL EVIL: …that’s where the Spy has to be, not here. While I agree he’s Evil (And anyone who’s ever felt that blade in his back will agree), his professional veneer isn’t the core of the character. The central facet is lying. He’s the guy who decided to go against the wisdom of bringing knives to a gunfight, realising that it’s only a gunfight if they’re pointing their weapons at you. In his head you can imagine epic fantasies of all the bodies in the world laid out, with a neat incision in the small of their spine. As Tom Francis of Gamer once put it, there’s one line he says – something akin to “I was never on your side anyway”. The chilling thing is… well, who’s that addressed to. The Spy is our Satan. He’s Chaotic Evil.
CHAOTIC EVIL: Which means the Pyro has to move. And a tricky one to place. Sure, she causes Chaos, but her personality is… well, hidden. That’s the point. Maybe Neutral would make sense? Chaotic Neutral? There’s already strong candidates for both. She certainly seems overjoyed a lot, and her weapon has that cruelty to it. That may edge her to one of the empty slots – Neutral Evil. Not a perfect fit, but…

Which – after some swift finger counting and consultation with the DM’s handbook, the monster manual and the Book of Thasfglsclgx (Third edition)…

The Soldier and the Scout are the iffiest ones. Ultimately though, the Soldier is madder than the Scout, and since the Evils are taken, he gets it. While the Scout’s a dipshit, compared to true monsters like the Sniper and the Spy, he’s a bloody saint. And in function, he tends to be about achieving the objective – actually capping that point, grabbing the flag. That’s close enough to “For the Greater Good” for me to feel okay with him in Neutral Good.

That’s my list. Please feel free to add your own while I go off to see if I can still look at myself in the mirror.

I think it’s pretty on – minus the heavy, as was mentioned. Heavy is chaotic, no doubt. The one major problem I’d have is making any of them ‘good.’ They all kill people, why is doing it a different way any better?

Dubious about the Spy as Chaotic. His trade is highly disciplined, after all, and he’s a fairly detached, unemotional type (“You got blood on my suit” in a perfect deadpan). I say put the Soldier in Chaotic Evil, given his contempt for all those he kills (“Maggot!”), and put the Pyro in Chaotic Neutral. All the classes enjoy what they do, but I get the impression that our lonely Pyro actually has a lot of fun without sounding malicious. Listen to the battle cries- it’s all enthusiasm. Hang on a tick, now I have to my own list. We just can’t leave the Scout in the Good column- it’s not right.

Wait.. they changed the alignment tables in 4th? Boooooo!
(edit)
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Actually,this sort of reminds me of an item in IWD2 –

How To Be An Adventurer

This ludicrously huge and heavy book – more a compilation of volumes in a single binding than anything else – claims to be an extensive manual on the “fine art of adventuring”. Its many chapters include:

Hmm. I propose a complete reshuffling. [Interestingly, I seem to agree with Arathain on a few points, despite still being typing when he posted.]

Swap the Medic to Neutral Good. He’s all for healing, yeah . . . but he’s also a bit crazy. Mad Scientist and all.

The Engineer fills his spot, at Lawful Good. He’s the only one, out of the whole team, who saves lives. The Medic doesn’t, really . . . he just keeps them fighting longer. But the Engineer puts a turret where a man would be, provides a Dispenser to give people a haven to fall back to . . . and he’s the ultimate opposite of the Spy.

I like the Heavy where he’s at. He’s a nice bloke, but I can see him being a bit of a loose cannon.

The Soldier goes in Lawful Neutral. Maybe he’s a parody of order, really . . . but I don’t think he’s in on the joke. He’s not a warrior, not a killer . . . he’s a Soldier, and he’s doing a job.

I think the Pyro’s a strong case for True Neutral. Of all the people involved, she’s a force of nature more than anything else – less a sinister, masked killer and more, well, fire burns everyone. It’s a fact of life. Unless you turn Friendly Fire off.

The Demoman slides back to Chaotic Neutral. He’s just about blowing shit up – it’s the same sort of force-of-nature thing as the Pyro, but with a high BAL and a grin.

The Sniper stays at Lawful Evil.

The Scout drops down to Neutral Evil because, at his core, he’s a vicious little prick.

Paladins pre-4th Edition were Lawful Good, and they killed people by the dozens. Sometimes they’re racist/specist, in that they don’t consider the slaughtered people “people.” And they were the bastions of “Law and Goodness.” Then again, all D&D PCs were mass murderers like that. It’s fun that way.

Besides, to say that only pacifists are capable of being “good people” kind of ignores the wide range of human beliefs and the harsh realities of life outside of developed countries. Or even in some developed countries, especially in times of strife. There are sadly situations where good people have to kill in order to survive, or to protect their friends and loved ones. And there are such things as “pacifists” who give lip service to the idea, but really only adhere to it because they want to be snooty and lord their “goodness” over other people. It’s not just religious folk who can be “holier than thou.”

So yeah. Instead of making “killing people” the cause for argument, I’d be complaining based on their meanness. And these guys are all jerks.

A good, spine-chilling evil laugh doesn’t thrust one into Chaotic. Although I’m not much of a Spy, so I’ll concede to more experienced folk. Noc, I like your list, and not just because it’s mostly like mine. Although, on second thoughts, I think the Spy is the very definition of NE. Disciplined when he needs it, deception and lies when he needs it, he is whatever he needs to benefit Spy. Whose side is he really on? His.

I like Noc’s list best, but I don’t think the sniper is lawful. I don’t know who would be better in that spot, but it seems to me that the scout is getting stuck where he is because people don’t like him. He seems more like an asshole frat-boy, so perhaps he’d be better as lawful evil, and the sniper is neutral evil.

Oh, RPS is enriched by its nerdiness. I learned a lot about WH2K that I didn’t know. Like what a C’tan was! And about Squats!

I’d love to give my own list, but I honestly can’t be arsed right now to take their actual functions into consideration, and then their personalities (which can be really subjectively viewed. Like right now based on my experiences with Scouts in-game plus the Meet the Scout video, I’d put the Scout on chaotic evil without a pause. That demon child needs to burn!), the latter which we can’t truly judge until the rest of the Meet the Team videos come out. So crap. :(

I’ll go with Noc’s list but switching the places of Spy and Pyro. You can’t deny the Pyro chaotic evil! She’s all about setting fire to things for no other reason than to see them burn, nothing but unreasoning destruction.

The spy is an untrustworthy bastard but his motives could be anything. I don’t think there’s anything he wouldn’t do, good or bad.

I must concur with Noc on most counts. Though I doubt the goodness of the Engineer, none of the TF2 characters are truly good, merely less evil. I feel he would as soon design a weapon of mass destruction as build a little wooden bridge for his grandma’s garden.

But for me the Medic is the one true altruistic Lawful Good class.
He’s in there fighting with you, keeping you alive and spurring you on to greatness like some kind of volks cross-dressing fairy godmother.
And he can’t do any wrong.

The Engineer as Kieron says is Lawful Neutral he’s all about keeping the base defence and the rest of the team ticking over.

The Scout as ‘good’ anything doesn’t sit with well me.
If anything he HAS to be Neutral Evil.
The intent to be evil is there but his capability of carrying it out is in question.

The Demo as chaotic?
He may seem chaotic to the casual observer and no doubt he is portrayed that way.
But to actually play him is a very different kettle of fish.
He’s pre-planned, he’s defending your flag, he’s there at the doorway for you covering your exit and he’s Neutral Good.
Evil people run into his bombs it’s not his fault he knows they are coming.

Soldier? Chaotic Neutral.
Is he attacking? Is he defending? Only he knows and sometimes he really doesn’t.

Yeah, but look at it this way: the Spy stabs you viciously in the back. Why? Because you trusted him.

The Pyro, on the other hand, is something that happens to you. One moment there’s nothing, then there’s a Pyro, then you’re dead and the Pyro runs on. There’s no sadism their, either . . . you cant sit back and watching things burn, you have to take them down as quickly as you can before they can retaliate.

The most satisfying moment of playing the Spy is the one right BEFORE the backstab, when some poor jerk who chose the wrong way to look is standing right in front of you . . . and then the knife comes down and he’s dead, and you KNOW that his killcam’s going to show your bastard chain-smoking face running over his body. He’s going to direct an unspoken expletive at the screen, even if he doesn’t shout it aloud, and fume until the spawn counter finishes ticking down so he can get back and try and kill your ass. It’s sadism through and through.

The Pyro, on the other hand, is about that moment after you’ve taken down a group and suddenly the air is quiet again. You’ve cleansed the place with fire, and, at least for the moment, the point is back to the way it was before. You didn’t outshoot them, you probably didn’t really outwit them . . . you HAPPENED to them, and now things can move on.

This was me! I made this picture myself and posted it on 4chan afew months ago. Kieron Gillen just made a news post on an image I made. I think I just wet myself *checks*
Yerp.

In defence, alignment posts where in fashion at the time, and I infact don’t play D&D and don’t even think the system has any useful meaning in any real world.
However, nine alignments, nine classes, and a bored McCool made for only one thing.

I’m well aware that Scout doesn’t really fit in the “good” section. This was LONG before “Meet the Scout”, and someone had to go there, so I thought the plucky young sportster seemed the most innocent of the bunch. Really he is more arrogant than a pyschopath.
On my original version Soldier had Chaotic evil, but remembering that he went to fight world war 2 by himself going on a killing spree that lasted WHEN HE FOUND OUT the war ended, I figured he could slot in on Lawful. His motivation is patriotic, or god-fearing “If god had wanted you to exist” but he is very evil. Note the “evil” mainly comes from my own personal contempt for soldier and his “UR A MAGET”ing ways.

Chaotic Good: Heavy. He lives for the chaos of battle, but he’s a pretty nice guy really.

Lawful Neutral: Sniper. He does the job and never worries about why he’s shooting people in the face.

True Neutral: Pyro. She’s a force of nature and largely devoid of agency. Things burn because they’re flammable, and it is the natural state of affairs for them to burn.

Chaotic Neutral: Demo. All about the gratuitous explosions. I’d probably put him at Chaotic Good if I didn’t care about duplication.

Lawful Evil: Spy. LE is all about exploiting the rules of society to achieve your own twisted ends, and that’s the spy. The rules say that guys in blue uniforms shoot at guys in red uniforms, and he’s a blue guy who figured out he could just put on a red uniform and bring them down from the inside. NE is also a decent fit for him, but he’s the only one who really goes here in my opinion.

Neutral Evil: Scout. He’s the most selfish class, and that’s Neutral Evil to a T.

Chaotic Evil: Soldier. If the Demo moved up to CG with the Heavy, the soldier could go to CN maybe. Still, screaming at a fence with severed heads lined up on it speaks to some serious mental issues of the sort that could be labeled Chaotic Evil.

God I’m getting the waves of guilt now. What have I done? Still, I must persevere and justify my image:

Heavy has to be Neutral Good. He just isn’t unpredictable in any way imaginable. Think of his love of little bomb cart. You can imagine that Heavy does pretty much whatever he is told, as long as he is told it nicely, honestly the big guy is just too dumb to merit the “chaotic” monkier. Also look at his playstyle, he is a rock solid member of the team, he relies on other classes to do anything. He is neutral, no doubt. And good, because Heavy and Medic bring love into TF2.
One that I am suprised no-one has mentioned is Medic. He honestly doesn’t fit there AT ALL. He is the ONLY class without a single nice thing said. He is the nastiest, most concieted, cruel little german imaginable. He is only there because someone had to be, and based on playstyles, Medics are always the nicest.

The trick of doing this is a sort of doublethink: at one time you must look at playstyle, at other times their quotes, or their class’s stereotypical player. Simply because they honestly don’t fit in the 3×3 grid in any totally defendable way.
And yet I decided to pretend they did…

Arathain: Actually, you’ve got a good point with the Lawful Good for the Engineer. Lawful Good is no nicer than plain good – in fact, arguably worse, and the Engineers traits are pretty lawful. Not convinced that the Scout fits as well as Lawful Neutral, but you could make a reach to say that the objective-over-all approach. There’s just not enough room for him where he belongs down below.

Regarding the Spy, I may actually be talked around to Neutral Evil on him, despite the deciet being the core of the guy.

Lawful Good (AKA the “Saintly” or “Crusader” alignment. A lawful good character typically acts with compassion, and always with honor and a sense of duty.) Soldier. He seems the most with honor and a sense of duty.

Neutral Good (AKA the “Benefactor” alignment. A neutral good character is guided by his conscience and typically acts altruistically, without regard for or against Lawful precepts such as rules or tradition.) Medic obviously.

Chaotic Good (AKA “Beatific” or “Rebel” alignment. A chaotic good character favors change for the greater good, disdains bureaucratic organizations that get in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom.) Scout. They go on with their personal freedom, but do all that for their team’s victory.

Lawful Neutral (AKA “Judge” or “Disciplined” alignment. A lawful neutral character typically believes strongly in Lawful concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code.) Sniper. He follows a personal code.

Neutral (AKA “Undecided” or “Nature’s” alignment. This alignment represents neutral on both axes, and tends not to feel strongly towards any alignment. A farmer whose only concern is to feed his family is of this alignment.) Engineer is pretty much like a farmer. He feeds his “family” (the team) and goes on pretty much in his own game with maintaining his constructions.

Chaotic Neutral (AKA “Anarchist” or “Free Spirit” alignment. A character of this alignment is an individualist who follows his or her own heart, shirks rules and traditions. They typically act out of self-interest, but do not enjoy seeing others suffer.) Heavy. Well, no one would fit in here with the last sentence, but Heavy seems the most fitting here.

Lawful Evil (AKA “Dominator” or “Diabolic” alignment. Characters of this alignment show a combination of desirable and undesirable traits: while they typically obey their superiors and keep their word, they care nothing for the rights and freedoms of other individuals.) Pyro. I’m basing this on the “rights and freedoms” part, which Pyros kind of invade with fire.

Neutral Evil (AKA “Malefactor” alignment. Characters of this alignment are typically selfish and have no qualms about turning on their allies-of-the-moment. They have no compunctions about harming others to get what they want, but neither will they go out of their way to cause carnage or mayhem when they see no direct benefit to it. An example would be an assassin, who has little regard for formal laws but does not needlessly kill.) Spy obviously.

Chaotic Evil (AKA “Destroyer” or “Demonic” alignment. Characters of this alignment tend to have little respect for rules, other peoples’ lives, or anything but their own selfish desires. They typically only behave themselves out of fear of punishment.) Demoman the Destroyer. They are just truely chaotic with their bomb spamming and destroying.

Heavy and Scout were pretty much either way and actually I’ve mostly played a rogue (which could be a Scout) as a chaotic neutral character, but Scout just fits more with CG description than Heavy. But I’m not all that convinced of Heavy being CG, but that’s probably the closest.

Wow, this is just… ‘mazin’, essentially. I kinda agree with Noc but then I’d say myself that an argument can be made for virtually every class to be in any alignment – for instance the Heavy wants you to CRY SOME MORE.