waiting in the wings: a poem revisited

Let’s just say that he was barely recognisable from another image that I held, an image of him as a compassionate witness to my own story.

I was first startled by the mis-match and then, on reflection, amused. Amused by the way we can model our first, second, third impressions of people to fit in with our own stories. And then we are surprised when they don’t follow our script.

I think that’s true of how we regard ourselves, too. Each day, a different story, a different fantasy, a different self.

Each moment an editing of the play-script of a life.

The following poem I wrote in February 2006, in response to feelings of low self-esteem. A sense of “ugliness” and lack of grace that I was experiencing at the time – and have felt, on and off, for all of my life.

There’s also the hint of the presence of a wiser version of me, waiting (“in the wings”, maybe like a guardian angel).

Watching while the ugly clown goes through her painful performance. Not trying to rescue the clumsy child as she re-enacts her awkwardness and bravado. Accepting the coarseness and the sense of shame that accompanies the performance.

And then welcoming the child into the place of acceptance; welcoming the one seen into the place of seeing; welcoming the “Kind” (German for “child”) into the wings of the Stage of LovingKindness, where “the play can begin”.

6 thoughts on “waiting in the wings: a poem revisited”

Thank you for this. I find myself responding to this in two (personal) ways. One is such familiarity with making a fool of myself and others laughing (although maybe not laughing as much as I am imagining), and the other is that perhaps the presence, or the angel is also saying: “Go do that because what I Love is that you live your life taking risks”. Perhaps that is resonating at some level with what you write at the beginning of your introduction.

I found this beautiful, especially at the end- I felt the integration happen (literally, I got chills). I can relate to this- part of me out there ‘doing’ and part ‘watching’, then finding out both parts need to reflect before the whole of me can go out there ‘doing’. (well, maybe one day!) Thank you for sharing your well-crafted words and your insight.