10 Important Lessons I've Learned About Love

Love comes in so many different forms. The love for family, friends, God, pets and the one type of love that has eluded me almost my entire life...romantic love.

There are a few lessons I've learned about love and thought I'd share them even though I'm not an expert on the topic. But hey, who is?

I fell in love a few times in my life. Unfortunately, my experience with love will never make the pages of a romance novel.

I remember reading my first romance novel when I was younger and wishing someone could love me like that. Reality did not match the books.

The guys in my reality always seem to run away. One just wanted to spend time with his friends and cut our dates short, another wanted to know me when it was convenient for him and the list goes on and on.

I was never the beautiful one that had guys lined up waiting to go out with me. I wore glasses, had really bad acne, was way too skinny and to top it off I had a weird personality to add to the mix. So no, they were not lining up.

Since then the acne cleared up, I got Lasik for my eyes because I was tired of being referred to as the girl with glasses and I gained enough weight to actually look nice in clothes.

I basically changed my whole appearance just to get noticed. It sucked feeling invisible and I hated that no one ever chose me. Even though I looked completely different, I still felt the same inside.

The few times that I got some attention, I made the mistake of being with the guy just because I liked the attention. Then I noticed if I liked the guy, I became insanely jealous. Like I owned him, and he was never even mine.

I realized it’s better to be alone for now. I needed to learn to love myself first before I could let anyone else in. Anyway, let's look at some life lessons about love.

Things I've learned about love

1. Love magnifies your insecurities

When you fall in love, what no one says out loud is that every insecurity you have about yourself will surface and it will be magnified.

If you have abandonment issues, you'll become clingy and needy. If you are unhappy with yourself, you'll become jealous because you'll think you can easily be replaced.

Yes, it feels amazing to fall in love. Suddenly you're insanely happy, everything is beautiful and you feel completely out of control.

Love can also fill a void and that's where we set ourselves up for future pain. If that love goes away for some reason, that void will make you feel like you're dying a very slow painful death.

2. Initial attraction fades

When that initial attraction fades and yes it will fade, then reality sets in. This is the point where you see each other clearly. It's also at this point where most relationships end.

It takes hard work if you continue with the relationship after that initial attraction. It can feel like you're losing your identity and you need to sacrifice a lot. Suddenly there's this other person and it's not just all about you anymore.

You have to give, give and give some more. Just make sure you're not the only one giving. If the other person just takes, takes and takes, then get out.

3. Don't drag out a doomed relationship

For those who refuse to end a relationship for the fear of hurting the other person...Guess what?! You're not doing anyone any favors. Be honest, end it and move on.

The one you're breaking up with will be free to find someone else instead of wishing every day that you loved them more. Believe me, they can feel it when you're not all in.

4. Not everyone matches

What got me through my breakups was realizing that not everyone fits. Everyone has different beliefs, values, likes and if you're lucky you'll find your perfect match.

At that point, you need to take a step back and look through reality glasses, not through fantasy love glasses. Yes, breakups hurt like hell.

Time heals all wounds and your pain will go away over time. There are guys I thought I'd die without and I'm not even thinking about anymore. Some things just aren't meant to be.

5. Failed love can heal past wounds

Those of you who are in the same relationship over and over again...you know who you are. You always find yourself in the same sucky relationship that always sucks. Different person, same dynamic.

It should be a wake-up call that something in your life needs healing. You'll attract people that reflect how you see yourself. I attracted guys that made me feel like nothing because I believed that about myself.

6. Get over your jealousy

If you are jealous and possessive in relationships, stop comparing yourself to others. God gave us all amazing unique qualities. Know your worth.

There's only one you in this world and someone fell in love with everything that you are. Do not insult them by being jealous.

7. Learn to love yourself first

Some of us don't even know or love ourselves first before we let someone else in. It's important to know yourself and whatever issues you may have.

Loving yourself will attract someone that adds to your life and love you the way you love yourself. It will also allow you to communicate your wants and needs better. Meaning you won't settle for less.

8. Be honest with yourself

When a relationship ends, sometimes we don't understand why that person left. Be honest with yourself.

Was it really perfect? Were you compatible or did you just imagine a happily ever after before knowing who that person really is and before knowing who you really are?

Be honest about what you want out of a relationship, instead of settling because you're scared of being alone.

9. Know what you want

With all my failed relationships, I know exactly what I don’t want now. I want someone that makes me a priority (so thank you, ex-first boyfriend, for not making me a priority).

I want someone to be proud that I’m in his life and not only want to know me when it’s convenient (thank you, to my other ex, for hiding me from your friends).

I want someone that understands me, makes me laugh and who is there for me no matter what. Someone that helps me grow and motivates me to do and be better. (thank you my dear best friend for setting a really high standard that will be hard for other guys to follow).

10. Share your feelings

Yes, we’re just best friends. We also have monthaversaries every month on the 16th because that's the day we met.

He calls it mushy day and it might sound weird, but I told him I don't want to be one of those people that loses someone just because I never told them how much they mean to me.

Sharing how you feel about someone is not that easy. Especially not for someone like me that has been rejected over and over again. But I was given a second chance at this life and time seems to be moving fast.

That's why we have a Mushy day every month. Guess we just feel lucky that we've found each other. It’s the best relationship I never had. Yep, love comes in many different forms.

My hope for those out there is that you learn to love yourselves if you don't. I hope you find someone that appreciates you and can see your beauty inside and out.

I hope you find someone that respects you, understands you and loves you like you're meant to be loved. Lastly, I hope that you don’t settle for less than what you truly deserve.

Until next time
Goodbye.

Pic credit: Pixabay pics Renza edited.

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4 comments:

What a beautiful post, Renza! So many people are desperate for love that they will jump on anyone that expresses interest whether that person is good for them or not. You are very smart in waiting to find your match. To know what you don't want is a step in the right direction. At 34, I met a great guy. We were living together for 12 years. At the ripe old age of 46 I tied the knot. This January will be our 17th year anniversary. It is possible to wait until you find the right one!

Such a beautiful post! I agree self-love is very important and you should know your worth! My friends always ask me why I don't have a bf and I tell them the reason is because I want a life-long partner who compliments me, I don't just want to date for the sake of dating. I refuse to settle for anything less than I deserve!:) I absolutely enjoyed reading your post💙.

Thank you so much Shivonne. Yes I get the 'why are you still single' question a lot. Lol. It's annoying, but from their perspective they believe everyone should be paired up. I hated being paired up when I in my negative mind space. Maybe now that I'm more positive and happier I'll be a better gf for the next guy that steals my heart lol.