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In life, we all experience rejection from someone or something that didn’t work out as we planned. As long as we’re alive there will be always times when things do not come our way. There will be people who may disappoint and reject something we want.

How do we handle ourselves? What do we do?

Again, there is not one way to handle it and it would depend on the circumstances. Still, there are some basics that I’ll write about – if nothing else, to attempt to help you in times of crisis.

Let’s begin at childhood. Most of us are taught from an early age not to do this or the other thing because it’s not the right way. Later on, we realize that some of these rules might not apply or might need adjustment to handle the demands of everyday life. Specifically, some rules are meant to be broken.

We’re always taught to be nice to others and to show our “good side” so we have a chance:

to get noticed

to get into a good school

to get a good job

find a good person to live with, and so on.

Unfortunately, as we all know life is not that regimented and things don’t always happen the way we plan. Most of us are not taught to handle rejection well. For example, when one goes on an interview for a job and you get the feeling 15 minutes into it that the interviewer is not that impressed, or you hear back with that form letter that declines you for the position. How do you handle yourself at that point? Do you break into pieces going into a deep depressive state blaming the company and so on or do you stay focused and centered?

You tell yourself that maybe this was not meant for you and you take that experience as the impetus to dust off the experience and get ready for the next engagement.

I learned about rejection the hard way because many years ago I chose sales as a career. In the beginning, I worked for companies and later on I represented myself. During all that time, although I’ve been very successful, there were times when I faced plenty of rejection. I had to learn how to deal with it to survive and flourish.

I learned quickly in business not to accept rejection as something I would take personally. I might not have gotten the desired outcome because it may not have been the right time, the right product, the right service, the right mix. The person I was speaking to may have had a tough day and wasn’t in the mood to see my point of view or purchase my product or service.

I became aware that the world does not revolve around me and there could be thousands of reasons I did not get what I wanted. I have become so skilled that I have been complimented on my exceptional attitude and respect toward a client, even in the toughest negotiations. And, I’ve reached a point where rejection repels off of me like water to a duck.

It can be done. You can do it as well. You can take small steps and realize that and the word “no” does not reflect on you personally. You can also learn to have the mindset that you will get what you’re working on, and you don’t need the distractions of rejection. Rejection can be the ultimate disturbance.

With a focused mindset, you can achieve a lot. But realize that there might be times when you will find obstacles, that’s life. During those times it depends on how you handle the adversity and rejection. Your success depends on how you compose yourself and that determines the final outcome.

Some ways to handle rejection are:

Remember that rejection is not always about you. Oftentimes, people are rejecting your proposal–not you personally.

It may not have been the right time for the other party. Sometimes a person across from you might be having a bad day, bad mood not feeling well etc. Something may have influenced your rejection that is not known to you.

The universe but might be telling you something. Let’s say someone turned down your proposal to go out. Perhaps that person was not going to be a good fit for you and you were saved the pain. You might get upset at first for refusing you, but it does not mean you need to stop asking people out because you are traumatized. Maybe you can move along to someone else, but just don’t stop.

Some rejection can be beneficial. It can show us how to regroup and rethink our situation. Just fine-tune it, adjust and go for it again but with an improved strategy. There’s always a lesson to learn in rejection.

There’s an order in the universe that with thoughtfulness and focus, we will ultimately get to our destination. But, you have to mean well. You have to do your best. You have to be open to new things and new relationships without losing your determination and maintaining your enthusiasm. You have to be willing to adjust your rudder, even if things don’t come easy for you.

Recently I came across Arthur, an older gentleman who used to live in our building. I had not seen him or his wife for six months and in the past we had talked a few times. They seemed to be nice and private people.

Although we did not speak the same language when I saw him he was in tears, trying to explain in English that his wife passed away a few months ago.

He was devastated. And, I could not help but feel a degree of his pain, as I thought of my wife upstairs.

There are times when we lose someone dear to us. It is something most of us try to avoid thinking about, and we tell ourselves we’ll deal with it when it happens to us. But we all secretly hope it never does.

Our impermanence is something, however, we should be thinking about. When we do that, it actually helps live a better life.

The thought of our eternal departure reminds us to appreciate our family, loved ones and friends while we are still all present in each other’s lives. Even in those mundane moments, or the tough times, the prospect of someone no longer being a part of our daily lives is a reminder to hold every moment with them close to the heart and memory.

When the specter of what is always just beyond the horizon of our days becomes something we embrace, we learn to live a different life.

If you were told you had less than one year to live, what would you do with each of your remaining days?

Would you live a life that never pushed the boundaries beyond your comfort zone? Or, would you reach out to the world in a way you have never done, full of fearlessness?

Would you squeeze the very last drop out of your life and make it as fulfilling as possible?

Or, would you remain fixated on the excuses many of us accumulate that keep us from living a life on our terms?

Would you do something out of the ordinary scope of your life?

What happens if you learned that your spouse, partner or loved one had less than a year to live? What would you help that person do with each of those remaining days?

Perhaps your first instinct is to say, “I’m only human. I only can do so much.”

I’d like to challenge you to think with regard to your own life, how you can rise up to the fact that our life as it is today will not be like that forever. Unfortunately, most of us will experience the passing of our other half or someone who is a kindred spirit.

The way to meet the permanent sleep that awaits each of us is to accept the idea of mortality every day.

It is by doing this, mindfully, each and every day that we can then do the following:

Live life to the fullest.

Be good to people and appreciate their presence in our lives always.

Take care and enjoy our families, even in those moments that are seemingly banal and not full of any excitement other than simply occupying the same space in a room.

Do the things you have always wanted to do: a trip, start a new business or write a book, etc.

Treat yourself and your partner often to little and simple things, which demonstrate you care.

Do something outrageous and fun, just because.

Invite people (even strangers) to your home and into your life.

Really see and experience the growth and development of your children instead of always being at work or too tired.

Many times we do something because we feel we ought to do this or the other to keep somebody happy, buy what about you?

Life is too short to hate, to be unfulfilled or not to be grateful for each day. Say “thank you” more often. Be ambitious to do your thing, but humble at the same time. Don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry if you made a mistake.

Forgive yourself in life. It’s okay if you didn’t become an astronaut, quarterback or a successful entrepreneur or even actor. Life is still good because you have it and those who you love with you. It’s fine that you followed another path and became something else. Glamour is overrated.

Realize that your mission is to live your life, experience the journey and if you are part of a couple, to make the other person’s life better along with your own.

If you live to be 80 years old you are living for only 29,200 days. Think of those 365 days a year mindfully and with purpose. With your time on earth you are meant to say, “I lived. I experienced. I loved.”

Get to a point in your life where if something happened to you – or someone you loved – you can say have no regrets. I lived my life. I cherished my family and those around me. And, I wrote the definitive story of an amazing life.

The right attitude is paramount in the worlds of business, entrepreneurship or career advancement. Someone will argue that as long as you are a professional who knows your area of expertise well, you will do fine in life.

Not necessarily.

There have been many people with advanced degrees and experience who have not made their mark after many years of struggle.

Attitude

Here’s why: Attitude.

The right attitude is crucial. It will propel you to different heights no matter what comes your way. If you are determined with a mission and a vision of what you’re looking for, then you’re halfway there.

Of course charisma and a positive outlook on life as well as enthusiasm about what’s coming next, doesn’t hurt. Attitude can be invaluable or it can be destructive if used the wrong way. You can have a negative outlook and attitude on life that simply does you in.

Having said that, if you’re looking for a particular outcome having the attitude that nothing will stand in your way and deter you from doing what you want in your life, is the place to start.

Persistence

But attitude is not enough. You have to persistently have the right attitude. You can never blink, especially when things don’t go your way. You need to exude confidence that flows from your attitude towards life and you need to condition yourself to overcome the obstacles that will come your way while pursuing it.

In other words, expect the unexpected.

Persistence can only be achieved with a good and positive attitude.

So the way someone’s attitude is, will translate into the ongoing behavior that will be adopted with regard to how that person acts, reacts and talks to others. How that person motivates himself or herself to keep on going. How that person uses innovation and creativity to get through the hurdles.

Gratitude

Attitude and persistence are important. But then, another ingredient also becomes essential.

That element is gratitude.

One has to maintain an attitude of gratitude for everything you have so far and for everything that will come your way, realizing that better and bigger things are around the corner. Being thankful in advance of what you will be receiving is essential because it keeps you centered, humble and real.

Many people, unfortunately, don’t foster these qualities. Perhaps it’s because they do not believe in themselves or have become jaded and embittered.

No one said life is easy but we do not need to make it any more difficult than it is by having the wrong attitude, or a sense of entitlement, which has no connection with anyone other than ourselves.

Getting to the Finish Line

Do you want to get to your “finish line”, whatever that is and whatever it might take? Then “try and try again.” Get your head straight. Get your attitude right. Know that you have to be persistent and develop gratitude for what you have – however much or little. Stay away from the negative, including entitlement. No one is entitled to anything.

Get your facts straight, use your knowledge and motivation and act accordingly.

Research the life of inventors and you will realize that before they succeeded in creating “Y”, they failed hundreds or even thousands of times, but they kept on going. With every failure they learned and made their vision clearer and better.

I understand that getting involved into something new, embarking into a new business or anything new can be unnerving, but stay focused on the reason why you need to do this. Maintain your vision always in the picture frame, and you will realize that you cannot be deterred.

Calculated risk, at times, is absolutely necessary to get places. It is either this – tackling life – or doing nothing (i.e. the alternative) and wondering the rest that of your life “what if”.

Doors will open if you persist, people will notice you, opportunities will be created and all you need to remember is to repeat, repeat…repeat. Nothing happens without clarity of vision and persistence.

Then, the more success the more fearless you become, the more you keep on repeating and building on what you’ve achieved. Life is a testing ground that can be very challenging, but also exceedingly beautiful. You just live it a day at a time, one step at a time with the attitude that you are taking the right steps.

1) Offer to help when you can.
2) Be grateful for the little or a lot you have.
3) Laugh every day and make someone laugh.
4) Simplify your life.
5) Do not worry for the details.
6) Take care of your health.
7) Be authentic, be real.
8) Love and care for your family as well as your friends.
9) Always set time for yourself every day. Time to relax, time to learn new things.
10) Focus when you work.
11) Enjoy when you play.
12) Take time to recharge.
13) Take on a hobby.
14) Volunteer some of your time and talent when you can.
15) Be humble always.
16) Don’t hold grudges even if you were wronged.
17) Speak your mind without being negative.
18) Enjoy life, enjoy the nature.
19) Try to make a difference anyway you can.
20) Do not add to the mundane.
21) Play with children and make them laugh.
22) Be respectful of others.
23) Always welcome discussion and different points of view.
24) Be open to opportunities, to new friends.
25) Don’t come across as a know-it-all, even if you do know a lot.
26) Be spontaneous.
27) Show the ropes to someone.
28) Take initiative to lead when you can.
29) Do not fear life.
30) When deciding on an outcome use logic, followed by your intuition and then emotion.
31) Do not hate, it’s not worth it.
32) Leave your preconceived notions aside and just live.
33) Challenge your brain with new things, new languages, new areas of interest.
34) Realize everyone of us are only human and frail no matter our age and plan accordingly. Focus on new experiences.
35) Last but not least “it is not the destination but the journey that counts.”

What prompted the writing of this post is what’s happening around us; namely, uncertainty about the future due to political and economic conditions. Although I am not going to get political, blaming this or that about today’s outcomes, I will concentrate on how we might want to live life no matter what’s happening around us.

If you happen to live in a war-torn area where every morning you wake up and take your life into your own hands even walking outside your door, I can understand that your only interest is safety for you and your loved ones. You want to minimize danger and look for ways to start fresh somewhere safe. But for the rest of us who live in the rest of the world, life is a little different.

We are still faced with uncertainty, but maybe not to the degree of the group I mentioned earlier. Still every day, depending on certain factors that shape life, mainly socioeconomic geopolitical and environmental, we decide what’s best for us. No matter what, we are still faced with, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, stress, regarding our future. Depending on each individual, we react differently. But, how can we better handle the circumstances of our lives?

This is strictly coming from commonsensical experience of living life. I believe we keep on going living our life without “crawling under a rock”, to use the old adage, and waiting for the end. Life goes on no matter what. If everybody froze in their tracks just because there are people out there who have “bad intentions” for the rest of us, the world would be in even worse shape than it is now. Life goes on – we still live, work or travel – just like before all this started happening around us so frequently.

Here are a few thoughts to go by:

Enjoy life as much as you can.

Don’t cave into fearing.

Just be aware what’s happening around you. Be aware of people around you whether you are sitting in a restaurant, a public event or waiting for your train/airplane etc.

Learn some basic survival skills. Learn CPR, you never know if you’ll ever need it. All it takes is one time and you might save the life of a member of your family or a stranger.

Don’t take chances by inducing additional risk to your life by visiting places, which are not recommended.

Use your intuition. If something looks bad or smells bad, chances are you want to keep away.

Now I do not want to imply that you can’t take risks when it comes to business, or even life itself. If everybody played it safe, none of these innovative startups would have evolved into the companies we know today. If all the disruption that is happening every day in technology, science, banking, transportation or travel, to name a few sectors never happened, we would still be stuck in the “same old.”

So take it for what it is, some change is good.

Unfortunately the world is not the same anymore, when it comes to the ways things used to be. You can never take for granted any one or any thing. Due to what’s happening around us we do not know if we will be safe when we leave our house in the morning.

All we can do is live every day to the fullest. We can be there for others and make an effort to be the best we can be in how we conduct our lives.

You must have heard the adage, “Do not take your life too seriously, nobody else does.” It is very true. Find ways to relax your mind, even for a few minutes a day. It will help you get through the day-to-day challenges with renewed energy and focus.

Last but not least, be grateful for what you have, compassionate to others and “live life hard.” In other words, live it full throttle.

Sometimes life seems like a swirling ocean that continues to break waves in an un-ending succession of white-capped peaks. Things happen and continue to happen and you are left with very little time to consider choices because you are too busy trying to navigate the waters that are churning.

What happens if you were to stop treading water?

Your reply may be, you may drown.

Well, what if you don’t go under? What if you take it easy, rest and float on your back for a little while in the middle of the vast ocean?

It may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes, that is exactly what you need to do. Sometimes punching and continuing to slug it out is the wrong course of action. Consistently being on offense without rest weakens you. It only becomes a matter of time until you reach a point where you become too tired to go on.

So, rest is required.

Within a cyclone, we know there can be calm weather in the center, or eye of the storm. You have fought the front end of the battle, and then there is a moment when you have to just stop and take stock of what you have done before moving forward.

Take that time to breathe and assess what you have learned. We are always learning. Whether we choose to apply the lessons we learn is another matter, but if you are paying some attention to what your life experiences are, you are always learning. If you take a moment to look back at the path you have carved out, you will find a landscape full of lessons for you.

When you have reviewed these lessons, then you can start to plan your next course of action. Is it more effective to swim against the current or to go with the current? At what time is it most advantageous to move? What resources do you now have at your disposal? What do you need for the next stage and how do you obtain it when you are in the middle of a heated battle? Can you improvise something? What goals will you create for yourself so you can assess whether or not you are getting closer to shore?

It is only when you have had the opportunity to stop and rest that you will be able to see your situation clearly enough to continue the path forward. When you have taken the time, in the middle of the challenge, to assess what has happened and what is happening, it is only then you will have the knowledge to be able to think clearly about what the next course of action should be.

It is when you have had some time to assess what has happened that you can clearly make any adjustments, and in addition, you can acquire the necessary rest you need to be able to then reach into the reserves you have stored to continue to move forward.

We each have to leave some of our familiar surroundings behind, our relatives, our friends, our homes at some point in our life. Although it is never easy to move, especially for those of us who are not nomads, it is an experience that can be handled more easily if you set some parameters.

You can either hate change and do everything in your power to minimize moving, whether for other opportunities, work, relationship, etc., which is highly unrealistic in today’s world or, of course, the extreme opposite being those who are ready to travel at a moment’s notice with some luggage always packed. And then there are those in between, or who will make a change if they have to but their decision does not come easy and they would need some time to adjust to their new surroundings. So let me put some thoughts on paper and see if it can be helpful for all of you who dare to dream but find it difficult to take that first step.

Due to the way we were brought up we do not like change. People like stability, but at what expense? Life is not what it used to be. Due to globalization opportunities, ease of mobility, economic conditions, etc., people sometimes need to decide to make a change for the better. After evaluating options and conditions at hand someone decides to leave their familiar environment and move to a different neighborhood, state or even country. Some people just travel the world for a few months or even years. I am not referring to that segment of population. They are the ones that enjoy that form of activity. I’m referring to those who might decide to move elsewhere due to work opportunities, relationships, etc.

Realize this, playing it safe and not taking a chance is not the only way to live. And yes starting out somewhere else, getting that new job, moving to a different locale, might at times be unnerving and stressful, but life doesn’t guarantee us a lot these days. We have to embrace change if we want to thrive in such a demanding global environment. There are always some adjustments to be made, but it is doable. All it takes is to be open and embrace it.

Living life today with the goal of making it is not for the faint of heart. Sometimes challenges or goals require so much effort on your part, and and sometimes it is almost easier to quit. But, when you reach those points that is exactly when you cannot quit and you have to go on if you want to climb your mountain. You have seen people who cannot see and somehow, after mustering all their reserve, climb Mt. Everest. The other day I read about a person who had no legs – just the prosthetics – and he did the same thing. How do they do it?

First, it requires an incredible desire to make it. Second, it requires an incredible discipline to stay the course and stick to the plan that has been thought out and set. No deviations, aside of something coming up unexpectedly, which always happens, and then you deal head on, re-adjust the route and come back to the plan.

But before you decide what route to take, what plan to follow or where to go, you need to decide what’s important to you. Whether young or old, whether you go at it later in life because of X or lost time because of Y, or you have not lost any time because you’re starting out fresh, it is your time to take on the day and seize the moment, even if you do not know where to begin.

First realize that the rules of have changed. In order to reach a goal, it requires even more work than you may be used to experiencing. Provided you realize what your natural talents are and also perhaps by receiving some feedback from friends, you can embark on a goal where you feel you have an edge.

For example, if you are looking for a career, realize that not everybody is cut out to become a scientist or an engineer. But, you can follow your heart (and your brain) and do what you want to do.

Be willing though to take calculated risks.

And, always be ready – every day – to give it your best and more than your all.

In every goal in life and everything you do, you are competing with so many others. At times people who are more qualified than you. Does it mean you pack it up, get depressed and climb under a rock? On the contrary, other factors can come into play that can give you an edge over a seemingly better candidate on paper; factors such as your drive, motivation, determination.

Can you take a different approach than everyone else? Can you handle a little more calculated risk? What happens when you take a more direct approach? What does your network look like? Non-existent? Do you know any people? Can you change into an extrovert if you are not?

In business these days, you need to build a network of people you know outside just your friends and relatives. People who you can reach out and talk to when you want, people who will offer to connect you with others because they believe in you and that for many reasons will promote your efforts.

But you need to be able to reciprocate. The old approach of knocking on doors does not work very well these days. Although many people still use it if they have no connections, it is not the most efficient way and will usually take so much longer than working through your established network, your acquaintances and through the people you met during the course of your life.

And, it takes work to maintain those relationships. You don’t just meet someone, then do nothing with them for a number of years and then when the need arises, you reach out to them. No, it doesn’t happen this way. You have to build and nurture that connection. It requires a lot of effort on your part, but it is an absolute necessity to achieve your goals.

Life can be very hard, and to make your mark in this world, you’ve got to be willing to give it your best and then some. There will be tough and bad times, which you might have already experienced, where things might not come your way for some time. But, you need to continue to fight – no matter what – even when someone promises you that “you’ve got this in the bag” and then you never hear back. Even when you thought you hit your goal, only to be left standing wondering what happened.

Do not ever despair. Don’t let other people’s comments or life’s unpredictable moments define you and your future. Learn from your mistakes and failures. And then, continue to dream and follow the dream no matter how hard it looks, because eventually it’s going to be fine. Devise and stick to your plan, making course corrections as necessary. Have the stamina and tenacity to make it happen. Don’t let anyone get the best of you.

And, most importantly, always be grateful of what you have, because even in the darkest hours, you still have a lot, whether it be your next breath or the gift of a sunset on a particularly difficult day. Stay to the task and know that no matter how the “weather” is out there, you will eventually reach your goal – or something better.

Let’s talk about persistence, determination and overcoming objections and how they relate to every day living.

In case you don’t know my background, I have been in sales in a variety of ways for many years. I have sold everything from hotel properties and yachts to concepts and ideas. I started in my career selling shoes in Europe. Although I might bring business into the conversation a couple of times, the goal is really to inspire you when dealing with different situations in life. So take persistence, for example. In life we are all conditioned since an early age to say “no”. Parents teach us to say “no” to strangers. When we walk into a store and the sales person asks, “How can I help you?”, the first thing we mutter is, “Just browsing”. “Are you looking for something?”, the sales clerk asks. We reply, “No”.

In our sales transactions – and oftentimes in our day-to-day dealings – we tend to say “no”, at first. But, in reasonable everyday situations, can it be an invitation to go deeper and start pealing the onion layers? In my experience, that first no is where the work begins. That’s where you need to dig deeper and find those dominant buying motives. Professional sales people know, that this is a core principal as to the reason why someone is converted from a prospect to a buyer.

However, in life everything is selling. In case you had some doubts – from an early age when a baby cries to get the attention of a parent, to the time when someone is going on a job interview and they are talking to the hiring manager, to the time a manager is motivating the work team, to a new a campaign to hit company goals, to asking someone out on a date or convincing someone to go someplace when they prefer to stay home. Everything is selling.

Do we accept “no” for any answer every time we hear it?

In relationships, we disagree often with each other’s point of view, and sometimes we may reach an impasse. Ideally, when that happens both parties try to agree to something by having to compromise a little. So, let’s expand on this. Anything you want in life badly, you have to typically fight for it. Rarely does it just come to you. You will hear many “no’s” along the way. The question here is, do you just quit or stay the course with persistence and determination to tackle the task at hand?

Although rules have changed and life can be difficult, especially when you are aspiring to greater goals, life is still beautiful. It is worth all of the fighting to reach your goals – whether in your career or your personal life.

But how do you stay determined and persistent when you constantly hear “no”. Essentially, you need to stoke the fire inside of you that tells you to keep going and don’t listen to that voice that may be in your mind telling you to quit. You need to visualize that job that you want, or that trip that you want to take but you continually find excuses to avoid taking that first step. And, if you keep getting doors slammed in your face, then keep figuring ways to get to that goal – even if it means going through the window instead of the door. You need to be very clear with regard to what you are looking for out of life. What is the goal? And, if it matters, then you need to keep fighting like that boxer who is pummeled in the 8th round but will not lie down. Sometimes, you will lose that battle. Sometimes, you will fail. But, it’s part of the journey to the overall goal. Defeat, failure or rejection and “no” do not define who you are as a person.

When objections come – and they will come – acknowledge and address them. Life is a negotiation. Be ready to give a little to get closer to what you’re looking to achieve. There is no sin in the word “compromise”. There are times when everything seems to be going against you, objections galore on everything around you. That’s when you have to summon your inner strength, no one else can do this for you, and you need to keep looking it in the face and finding a way to overcome.

Stop for a second, cut the noise, isolate the issue at hand and get your point across. Many people will give up when they get resistance, but always remember, that’s where the real work starts. That’s where you show your determination. Do not retreat from the task – even if you fail at first. Keep engaged and keep going. As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep walking”.

You might at times take a step back, that’s OK. You can then advance three. Don’t be rigid. Be flexible. Adjust your stance and get your message across. In life, assertiveness is an important survival skill.

And finally, try to add some fun along the way. Even when it is a tough sell, you need to be able to laugh and keep perspective. Try to live life every day. Pay attention to yourself. Don’t forget to live just because you are busy. But, that’s another story. That’s a whole other chapter. Don’t let busy get the best of you because “busy” will ultimately deter you from your goals.

Let’s all try to be more in tune to our lives as human beings. Let’s not lose our humanity because we’ve got somewhere to go, something to do. Let’s be there for our families, our friends and others in need.