15 Ways to Accomplish More With the Right Kind of Humor

Conan O’Brian quipped that "Some people are saying that the reason Michael Phelps wasn’t doing so well for awhile was because he let himself get too out of shape. I just have to say that I have been watching the Olympics, and if that guy is out of shape, I have been dead for five years.”

Self-deprecating humor can pull others closer, even in unexpectedkinds of work. Whether you are seeking support, selling, forging a partnership or even considering marriage, it can be a key tool to knowing if and how to proceed. The right kind of humor is the best lubricant to smooth your way in life, pulling in opportunities and friendship, as these 15 reasons and ways illustrate:

How we evoke and respond to humor is one of the strongest indicators of how flexible, open and fun we will be with others. Using humor, you see how they view themselves and their world. That’s helpful information if you are thinking of collaborating with someone – or even considering whether to get to know them better. “A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the tightrope of life,” wrote William Ward.

2. Pull people closer

Evoke unifying humor. When your humor highlights what we have in common, you and I feel more like “us.” Joking with co-workersbuilds bonds. Look out for examples of unifying humor that spur an “us” feeling and see how you might craft some for your situation. Here are three I’ve discovered:

• Commenting on the human condition: “God pulled an all-nighter on the sixth day.”

• Emblazoned on the T-shirt of a rotund man coming out of a San Diego beach shop: “The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.”

3. When you are the honcho, hero or current center of attention, let them feel more equal

Self-deprecating humor is disarming, and makes others feel more included, as hockey player, Chris Pronger managed to do when talking with reporters. That’s especially helpful when others may have reason to feel in awe of you or ignored.

Groucho Marx dry groused, “People say I don't take criticism very well, but I say what the hell do they know?”

Steve Martin observed, when sharing this photo, “When comedians get together, there are thoughtful moments, too.

4. Don’t use cutting or belittling humor

Most of us rationalize our use of cutting humor as harmless fun. After all, it is usually a matter of perspective, that is who is getting skewered. As Mel Brooks concluded, “Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall down an open manhole cover and die.”Unifying humor is healing and enables us to see the larger picture where hope is possible. Charlie Chaplin once said, “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up but a comedy in long shot.”

5. Avoid humorless people

Frank Tyger suggests that, “The ultimate test of whether you posses a sense of humor is your reaction when someone tells you you don’t.” How do we get that way? “By starving emotions we become humorless, rigid and stereotyped; by repressing them we become literal, reformatory and holier-than-thou; encouraged, they perfume life; discouraged; they poison it,’" warns neurologist, Joseph Collins.

Without humor it is hard to step back to see a situation in a brighter way or come to terms with it – or to hope. “There is a sorrow in the seriousness of humorous people. They do not easily find among ideas or purposes a place of rest. The courage in their eyes is wistful. If they don’t even recognize sarcasm, they may lack higher cognitive skills.

6. Get their attention

“When they’re laughing, they’re listening,” said Adrian Gostick, co-author of The Levity Effect. “A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland and he stops at a pub…” says Toy Story filmmaker Andrew Stanton in a thick Scottish accent, thus beginning his TED talk on storytelling without any preamble – but with a story, one that ends in a laughter-evoking evoking punch line.

Not only did he grab the audience’s attention from the first sentence, he got them to care about what he would say next.

He’d also crafted that funny story to foreshadow all the clues to storytelling that he subsequently describes in his talk. See how he alternates humor and other emotions, from awe to surprise, throughout the talk, to keep us involved.

7. Help them become more relaxed, present and connected in situation

Like scent, humor has extremely offensive or captivating effects on us, depending on the kind. Injecting unifying humor into a situation is probably the swiftest way to get us in relaxation mode and begin to bond. We become less fearful or tense. That’s when we are most likely to like each other, bring out our better sides – and be productive and creative together.

“If you can get someone to laugh with you, they will be more willing to identify with you, listen to you. It parts the waters,” said Robert Orben. As we lighten up we become more playful – which can make us productive if we need to be – and happier.