Tag Archives: control

You know from experience that there are things you can control and things that you cannot. Still, you can find yourself trying futilely to control something that is beyond your reach. Yes, it is difficult to acknowledge that you cannot influence a situation, but thinking that you have control when you do not, can really mess things up. When you attempt to exert control that you do not have, it’s like trying to get a stuck car out of the sand by gunning the motor. It only spins your wheels and gets you deeper in.

How do you discern the level of control you have in a situation? Get good at doing so. Then, you can create a winning strategy that recognizes reality and has you making moves that matter.

Do you strive to be “in control”? Many people do. It strikes me how many varying perspectives there are regarding what being in control means. Some go overboard, thinking they must control every aspect of their environment – an almost impossible thing to do. Others are selective and want to control only certain aspects of their work and lives. Some aim to control themselves, thinking that is the only true control they have. Some try to control others, which often causes harm.

How about you? What must you control in your work and life? If you “lose control” is it catastrophic? How realistic is your perspective on what you can and cannot control?

Control is fine, when you are you able to do so. Having control can also be an illusion. Know how to discern this and your life will be “under control” in the best way possible.

Frustration can race like fire, once it starts. Best to have a way to manage your frustration, so it does not consume you. Have you experienced frustration in the past week or two? Think of what happened. How did you handle it? Did you manage your frustration or let it get the better of you?

Frustration is a powerful energy once it gets going, but you can manage it. Here are a few ways: step back and away from the situation to cool off, stop and figure out its cause and what you can do about it or channel your frustration into constructive action. You are more powerful than your frustration – keep it under your control.

Who is in charge – your mind or you? Often, your mind is a master in taking the lead. There are definite positives in that. However, staying centered among the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual aspects of your life has many more advantages. Allowing your mind to be a runaway train does not serve you.

What’s the nature of your mind’s chatter? Does it distract you? Cause worry or anxiety? Tell you false truths? Have you found ways to balance your mind’s chatter and maintain your center? In my next post, I’ll identify ten ways to balance your mind’s unproductive chatter.

Independence: freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others.

Here in the United States, we are approaching our July 4th holiday – Independence Day. It is a fun day of celebration, good eating, fireworks and festivities.

What’s the state of your own independence? In your estimation, are you too independent or not independent enough? It is a balancing act, as we are interdependent on each other, but also want to be independent and on our own.

Independence matters in several ways. It allows your true expression of self, keeps you free from the control of others and allows you some “space” to be you. How independent do you want to be?

You often have a choice of avoiding or facing something that is asking for your attention. When you choose to avoid something that matters to you, there are risks involved. Here are some of them:

• The situation can grow bigger, in reality or in your mind.

• You lose the opportunity to respond.

• Avoidance can create anxiety within you.

• You lose out on good outcomes.

• You are not able to see the situation clearly.

• You are expending energy to no avail.

• Your emotions and fears fester and grow.

Is there anything significant that you are avoiding now? Facing it may not be as uncomfortable as you think. Seize the moment now to face it. This will put you in control, create movement towards a positive outcome and relieve the stress involved in avoidance.

Organizations and situations can quickly turn into a maze. The confusion that results can leave you feeling lost and affects your ability to function well. You can avoid getting into a maze by keeping a clear mind and staying present to what is happening. Here are some ways to identify when you are in a maze and some ways to get yourself out.

You may be in a maze when:

• You find yourself distracted and feel unsure where to go next

• You are frustrated and feeling blocked from moving forward

• You feel you have lost control in a situation

Here are some ways to get yourself out:

• Go back and identify your original intention or goal

• Identify what happened to create these unproductive feelings

• Get away from the situation temporarily and decide what your best next steps are

Real obstacles don’t take you in circles. They can be overcome. Invented ones are like a maze. – Barbara Sher

Control: Determine the behavior of; to exercise authoritative or dominating influence over; to hold in restraint;

Old models of authority are gradually giving way to new models of individuality, freedom, interdependence, cooperation and respect. We are not there yet, but it is time for managers and organizations to start creating new models of interaction for their teams.

Many younger workers are already demonstrating these new models in start-up companies, as entrepreneurs or as team members. Sometimes younger workers, and older ones as well, come up against old models and many misconceptions result – “they have no work ethic”, “they do not care”. In many cases, this is not true. They are honoring their values and rejecting control. Sometimes, however, workers are taking advantage and not doing their part – that is not a new model, it is irresponsible and has no place in your workplace.

What benefits await you as you create new models? Team members will be running on their own steam. You will receive full benefit of their skills, talents and enthusiasm. They will have a voice in the team and a level of independence that allows them to work freely and creatively (not under restraint). Values of cooperation and respect will lead to individual accountability that gets the work done.

How can you get started? Initiate a dialogue with your team members about what conditions will enhance their productivity and satisfaction. Assess your organization’s willingness to accept new models. Gradual change is fine. Spend some creative time on your own, looking back on your management experience to what conditions created the best results, as well as those that didn’t. Think about how you like to work and if that would be good for your team. Most importantly, let go of your confidence in old models of control. They are dying and change is on the horizon.