[[posterous-content:pid___0]][[posterous-content:pid___1]]

Satan’s Salad Dressing

[[posterous-content:pid___3]]

We’re in the process of trying to find an insightful passage to read at a pal’s forthcoming wedding. (Suggestions welcome, by the way.) It’s taking us much longer than anticipated, in large part because we keep getting sidetracked by old favorites we’ve discovered while ransacking our overstuffed bookshelves. Case in point: Lawrence Wright’s Saints and Sinners, a collection of profiles of larger-than-life religious figures. Upon finding the book, we immediately flipped to the passage that is etched into our memory, from the beginning of the chapter on Satanist/showman/charlatan Anton LaVey. Wright describes a dinner with LaVey and Blanche Barton, which he quickly mars with a hilarious faux pas:

“What dressing would you like on your salad?” the waiter inquired.

“Bleu cheese,” I said.

LaVey and Barton exchanged a look, then returned to their menus. Unknowingly, I had just failed the LaVey Salad Dressing Test. According to The Satanic Witch, his guide for lovelorn sorceresses, “dominant masculine archetypes [like LaVey] prefer sweet dressings, such as French, Russian, Thousand Island,” because the smell resembles the odor of a woman’s sexual organs. Bleu cheese, on the other hand, is “reminiscent of a locker full of well-worn jock straps.” It is suitable, really, only for wimps, homophiles, and submissive females. LaVey ordered the twenty-two-ounce porterhouse steak, rare.

We reckon that it’s for the best that LaVey was cremated after his death in 1997. Otherwise, he would be constantly spinning in his grave due to the soaring popularity of Buffalo Wild Wings.

We are trying to find a passage instructive to read the upcoming wedding of a friend. (Suggestions welcome, by the way.) We have much more time than expected, largely because we keep getting distracted by the old favorites, we found our shelves stuffed rampage. Case in point: Saints and sinners Lawrence Wright, a collection of profiles of larger-than-life religious figures. After finding the book, we immediately returned the portion is etched in our memory, since the beginning of the chapter on Satanism / showman / charlatan Anton LaVey. Wright describes a dinner with LaVey and Blanche Barton, which spoils quickly with a hilarious faux pas:

"What would you like dressing on your salad?" Asked the boy.

"Blue Cheese," I said.

LaVey and Barton exchanged glances, then returned to their menus. Unknowingly, I had failed the test of salad dressing LaVey. According to The Satanic Witch, his guide for lovelorn witches ", dominant male archetypes [like LaVey] prefer sweet dressings, such as French, Russian, Thousand Island," because the smell resembles the odor of the sexual organs of a woman. Blue Cheese, on the other hand, is "reminiscent of a locker full of jock well worn." It is in reality only for wimps, and females of homophilic subject. LaVey ordered the sirloin steak twenty-two ounces, rare.

We believe this is the best that LaVey was cremated after his death in 1997. Otherwise it will be constantly turning in his grave because of the increasing popularity of Buffalo Wild Wings.handBut we will not be able to produce power of his indignation: