Thursday, June 29, 2017

This week, the Staum family has made its annual pilgrimage to
East Stroudsburg, PA, to our summer home at Camp Dora Golding.

When making the announcements after davening last Shabbos,
our shul President, R' Yossi Goldman, quipped: “Some people send their children
off to camp; we send our Rabbi off to camp!”

If I counted correctly – which, to be honest, would be
unusual for me - I am now beginning my twenty-fifth summer at Camp Dora
Golding. This includes years as a camper, masmid, Junior Counselor, Counselor,
Rebbe, Head Waiter, and, my current position for the last decade, as a Division
Head.

Camp has grown in many ways during that time. The grounds are
stunning, and b’h the camp is at capacity. But the ruach and excitement of
camp has not changed in all the years.

Working as part of the camp administration is not always
easy. However, it is always a gratifying and wonderful experience, which our
family feels very blessed to enjoy and to be part of.

Each summer, for two days prior to the arrival of the campers
on opening day, there is “staff orientation”. Staff members arrive a couple of
days before the campers, for a mini ‘training’ of expectations and protocols,
to help the summer go as smoothly as possible.

One of the salient points mentioned during orientation each
summer, is that every staff member must realize that there are campers looking
up to him, aspiring to do his job, and to be like him one day. The staff member
may only find out about it years later, or he may likely never know about it.
But the influence remains.

If being a role model necessitates behaving accordingly, it
remains true even if the person being looked up to feels he is not worthy of
that image. If others may likely imitate his behavior, the fact that he
personally feels unworthy of that admiration is irrelevant. Regardless of his current
level, he has a responsibility to try to act the part.

Sadly, there have been numerous sports icons and celebrities
who have acted inappropriately on occasion. When asked how they could behave in
such a crass and immature manner when so many youngsters look up to them, their
inane response was, “I never asked to be a role model”.

Being a role model is not a matter of choice, it's a matter
of responsibility! If there is even a chance that others may be imitating us,
we have a responsibility to do our utmost to fulfill that role appropriately.

Each morning in shachris, just prior to Shema, we daven that
Hashem grant us wisdom “to learn and to teach, to safeguard and to perform, and
to fulfill all the words of Your Torah with love.”

Reb Moshe Feinstein zt"l questioned why this prayer is
recited by everyone. Most people are not teachers, so why should they pray for
the ability to teach with love?

Reb Moshe explained that no matter what capacity one has,
every person is a teacher. Others view our behavior and learn from what we say
and do, whether we realize it or not.

In that sense, we are all teachers and, therefore, have a
responsibility to act accordingly.

It's an idea that is not only applicable to staff
members working in summer camp. We can never know the effect and influence our
behavior has on others. And that means that we have a responsibility to do the
best we can, if not for ourselves, then for those who may be influenced by our
example.

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Each weekday afternoon, I head north on the Palisades
Parkway, on my way to Mesivta Ohr Naftali in New Windsor, NY. As the Yeshiva’s
Principal, you can only imagine how devastated the talmidim are if I am not
there early enough to send them to class on time.

The Palisades Parkway ends next to the beautiful Bear
Mountain Bridge. At that point, I continue north on Route 9W. After a short
drive, the highway ascends precipitously, affording a magnificent and
breathtaking view. From the summit, one can see for miles. It is impossible not
to be overwhelmed by the sheer beauty of the panorama.

The first few times I drove up, I stopped to marvel at the stunning
view. But with time I no longer stopped, although I was still excited by the
view. Within a few more weeks, I hardly thought about it at all. Sadly, that is
the way we are. What was once novel and exciting quickly becomes trite and
commonplace.

It is only when I am driving a passenger who is unfamiliar
with the area, that I again feel a tinge of excitement for the magnificent view.
When someone else sees it for the first time and begins to marvel about it,
that initial excitement that I once felt, is aroused within me, and I again
sense how extraordinary it is.

For the last couple of years, I have had the privilege of
being the Dinner Chairman at the dinner of Yeshiva of Spring Valley, our sons’
elementary school. Being Chairman includes introducing the Guests of Honor.
This year, I was not previously familiar with the Guests of Honor, but wanted
to introduce them affording them the honor they deserved. Well before the
dinner, I spoke with some of their friends, family members, and employees. But
more significantly, I called the honorees themselves, first the husband and
then the wife, and asked each to describe the virtues of their spouse in sixty
seconds or less.

I was deeply impressed and moved by both of their responses. Sixty
seconds is not a lot of time to relate the uniqueness[DS1] of a person, all the more so a spouse. But if you’re forced
to try to sum up the greatness of your spouse within that time, it forces you
to concretize your reflections about their golden qualities.

I realized afterwards that it’s a great shalom bayis exercise.
How often do spouses think about the uniqueness of the person they married? How
often do they remind themselves of the things that once excited them about
their partner in life? It’s vital, for those, who, on a daily basis, contend
with annoyances and idiosyncrasies of their spouse.

It’s an idea that is helpful with all those other things
which are so precious, but we often fail to appreciate. A friend related that
before he goes to sleep every night, he looks at the faces of each of his
sleeping children and thinks about how much he loves them, and thanks Hashem
for each one. He admitted that when his children are awake, there are days and
situations when it can be challenging to fully appreciate all his children. But
that’s all the more reason why he makes sure to think about them in a positive
manner every night.

Rav Noach Weinberg zt’l noted that complacency is the enemy
of growth. When people become fixated with their ideas, life becomes stable and
people can become weary and grumpy.

Our nature is to take things for granted. The only way to
combat that nature, is to actively reflect upon what makes those things special
and dear to us. One can recapture enthusiasm by reminding himself his original
emotions for everything he has.

If one is able to recite “Modeh Ani” in his waking moment
each morning, with some level of attention, he will set the tone for beginning
his day with gratitude.

If we are able to reflect upon the simple gifts of life, we
will remember that those simple gifts aren’t simple at all.

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Back in the days when "being on line" meant you
were in a store, and the web was something spiders wove, audio was recorded on
cassette tapes. I grew up in that archaic world. I still have dozens of tapes
containing recordings of schmoozen (Torah lectures) and shiurim from my years
in yeshiva.

Recently, I purchased a device to transfer the recordings as
MP3 files on my computer.Aside from benefiting from the Torah thoughts
shared my rabbeim, which I have largely forgotten, there is a great deal of
nostalgia that I feel when listening to those lectures. I cannot help but
remember where I was and at what stage of life I was, when hearing those
lectures live over two decades ago.Although we are still in denial that we are old
enough to have a son heading to high school, our oldest son Shalom is
graduating elementary school this week iyh. After the summer, he will enter
Yeshiva Shaarei Torah, twenty years after his father graduated High School from
there.

Two decades after leaving the yeshiva, a few of my classmates
have begun discussing the twenty-year reunion we planned before we graduated.

It's amazing to see how our lives have progressed. Each of us
have married and built families, chartering our own unique paths along the
roads of life. Some of my classmates have led lives exactly as we predicted
professionally and religiously. But there are a few who have shocked everyone,
perhaps mostly themselves. Had you told them two decades ago what they were
destined to accomplish, and who they would become, they would never have
believed you.

I have more than one classmate, who during our high school
years was not known for his diligence in learning, to say the least. Today they
are scholars of note, with numerous students of their own. [One classmate in
particular, has banned me from speaking to his children out of fear of the
recollections I may share.]

During hallel, we state the pasuk: "The stone which the
builders rejected, has become the cornerstone."

The commentators explain that Dovid Hamelech stated this
verse about himself. He was the "stone" that was spurned and
rejected, even by his own righteous father and brothers. They wrote him off as
a simple-minded shepherd, surely not one worthy of the monarchy. Dovid Hamelech
too, viewed himself in a similar vein, never daring to imagine the incredible
destiny that awaited him. The rejected stone became the cornerstone, the source
of strength for all eternity. "Dovid, king of Yisroel, alive and
enduring."

Whenever we recite Hallel in yeshiva (such as on Chanukah or
Rosh Chodesh) and recite the aforementioned verse, I look around at my students
and wonder to myself to which of them will these words apply to. Who will be
the student who will surprise us all by overcoming challenges and naysayers,
transforming himself into a leader and/or scholar?

Part of being a parent and an educator is to have this sense
of vision regarding our children. We must always be able to see beyond what the
child is now, and to see what the child can become. It is only once we have
that optimistic vision that we can hope to impart it to the child who may have
given up on himself.

Noted psychologist, Dr. Robert Brooks, notes that for a child
who struggles in school, the greatest thing you can give him is a sense of hope
that life can and will be ether. During their school years, a child believes
that school is a microcosm of life. He therefore often concludes that he will
always have the same challenges and struggles that he currently has. For many
children that sense of despondency is even worse than their academic struggles.
Conveying to a child that many successful adults struggled mightily in school,
and relating one’s own personal struggles, can be invaluable for the struggling
student.

Twenty years later, things are often very different than how
we expected, for good or for better.

Thursday, June 8, 2017

The
first time I heard one of my students exclaim “he's a sick athlete”, I felt
terrible. How sad that such a vibrant and adroit athlete was ill. Before I had
a chance to add his name to my tehillim list however, my students explained to
me that saying an athlete is sick is somehow a good thing. In fact, it's a big
compliment to say that someone is a ‘sick player’, or that he has a ‘sick shot’.

It was
reminiscent of the first time I heard someone describe a cheesecake as being “sinful”.
Then too, I wondered what was so satanic and devilish about cheesecake. What
was even more confusing was when someone else described the same cheesecake as
being “heavenly” and “divine”, adding that it was “worth every calorie”.

I
couldn't help but wonder when is a cheesecake “sinful” and when it is “divine”.No doubt, you have been pondering the same thing
over the recent Yom Tov of Shavuos. I will enlighten you to what I think
is the difference, based on the following parable:

A couple
was married for many years. Life took its toll, including the pressures of
raising children, and the rigors of making a living. Sad to say, they didn't
spend much quality time together. The conversations they did have were mostly
about stressful matters, or arguments about the kids or finances.

Their
anniversary was approaching, and the husband decided to go all out, so they
could celebrate and enjoy the day together.

After a
great deal of planning, the anniversary arrived. They went on an expensive
half-day cruise, complete with sightseeing, and a posh lunch and dinner. By the
time the day was over, they had spent well beyond their normal allotted budget
for such events.

Was it
worth it?

The
answer depends on what happened afterwards. If the day was merely a momentary
respite from their monotonous relationship, and the next day they resumed their
aloofness toward each other, then the added expenses weren't really worth it.
However, if the day served to reignite the spark of their insipid marriage, and
brought back faded emotions for each other, then it was worth every penny.
Working towards a better future always requires some investment.

On
Shavuos there is a beautiful custom to eat dairy foods, including creamy and
delectable cheesecake. The commentators offer numerous reasons why/how eating
dairy reminds us of the revelation at Sinai and the giving of the Torah.

If one
enjoys all the beautiful customs of the holiday, including eating saturated
carbs, and buying expensive flowers, but feels no excitement in the essence of
the day and recommitment to Torah learning and Torah living, then his
indulgences weren't really worth it.

However,
if the customs serve as symbolism that help abet one's excitement and
recommitment to Torah, then it's worth every bite, and every penny.

So, the
question of whether cheesecake is sinful or divine, has little to do with the
contents of the cake, as much as with the attitude of the one eating it.

It all
boils down to whether it's a sick cheesecake or if the cheesecake makes you
sick!