Wouldn't it just be easier to post this in the thread directly below and have a topic assigned to crappy reviews?

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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:

They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!I would like to know why is that???Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

Yeah plenty of examples of what consitutes an acceptable review but sometimes the best way to get people to learn is to show what is not acceptable.

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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:

They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!I would like to know why is that???Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

One of the best and only black metal bands from Romania , strikes back ! This E.P contains four songs : a black metal part (Wordless Knowdledge , Uprising Follow) and an ambient part (Vaiet , Cint de Susur) . This is a transylvanian black metal masterpiece .

You review?... eh, not so much.

Review for Fate (Dnk)'s A Matter Of Attitude

Quote:

Give pop rock a chance. - 100% Written by EthanismadeofMETAL on October 11th, 2005

I picked this up on vinyl (the only way to go with this kind of stuff) for two dollars. It's a pretty good album, no qualms about it. I like this kind of stuff, based on the fact that I enjoy 80s dance music along with 80s metal. I give it a 100% because I own it and I enjoyed it.

Stickied the topic, so if anyone sees a particularly repugnant mindmiscarriage, they can post it here (after stepping on its partially-formed skull, of course--you aren't done when you hear the crunch, but rather when you see the squirt) in the interests of science.

_________________The bizarre lattices were all around. Sticks and bits of board nailed together in fantastic array. It should've been ridiculous. Instead it seemed oddly sinister--these inexplicable lattices spread through a wilderness bearing little evidence that man had ever passed through...

I have to ask, what distinguishes this from the similar Oven Fodder thread?

If you ever see something appear in both threads, it's a sign that somebody needs a pinkslip.

_________________The bizarre lattices were all around. Sticks and bits of board nailed together in fantastic array. It should've been ridiculous. Instead it seemed oddly sinister--these inexplicable lattices spread through a wilderness bearing little evidence that man had ever passed through...

Do not, do not submit 100% reviews for Nile (or any band for that matter) without stellar writings to support it, or you will look like a flaming fanboy. Also if you use the word pussy especially where it applies to listeners not so fellating of the album, I will mock you until I get carpal tunnel and might even put in a consideration to have you dursted.

Varnacht...this local band from westchester county is one very good raw black metal band in New York. For their first cd, it was a good head start also it is very grim. But there are some disappointments that you will encounter in listening to this cd. One is that the amplifier for the lead guitar overides the drums, so much that you can barely hear the drums at all. This is because due to the poor record company,Masquerade Records, they are signed with. This record company reduces the potential sound quality that Varnacht has to offer us . Second would be the tone of voice that Svag does, it is good but can improve more than it is now. But other than that, it's a very good start for Varnacht.

What? This review isn't all that craptacular compared to the others featured here, but I've seen excretory functions reviewed in greater detail. Like perspiration for example!

Most unimpressive. - 64% Written by HangmanOfPrague on October 12th, 2005

I must first say I was an eager one to catch this album. I thought yes another great Taake album! But I was sadly mistaken. This is just a complete repeat of Over Bjoergvin Graater Himmelrik. Continueing exactly where ...Over Bjeorgvin... left off. Most unimpressive and disapointing. A few catchy guitar riffs. And still in denial of writing actual english lyrics I see, not good at all. Part III actually did tickle my fancys but I wouldn't suggest purchaseing this album for this one song. My suggestion to you all is download it before purchase. And if you don't like it delete it.

Another tip to reviewers. Do not type...like...this...it's...realy ir...ritating...and tells me......you have to think....too hard....about the...album.

You can write a multi-page review in the style of a post-graduate thesis, but if I see you use "u" for "you" even ONCE, I will destroy it.

_________________The bizarre lattices were all around. Sticks and bits of board nailed together in fantastic array. It should've been ridiculous. Instead it seemed oddly sinister--these inexplicable lattices spread through a wilderness bearing little evidence that man had ever passed through...

This album is the best album i've ever heard. The production values suck, but that adds to the charm in my opinion. Plus the overall sound is enough to scare your mother. I mean if you played this album late at night, some one would call the cops reporting a murder. The vokills on this album are a mix of throat mutilating roars and raspy screaches, an awesome combo if you ask me. However if your looking for a band with extremely complex song structures with wonderfull solos and melodies, forget it. This band, and album in particular, are simple. 4-5 lines of politicaly charged lyrics, a basic riff and constant blast beats, maybe a solo that lasts for 7 seconds. But in no way is this bad, i love it.

Since I seriously question the existence of ND fanboys, I'll just go ahead with the theory that this guy has an extremely simple mind.

It's written "vokillz" equally as often nowadays. That's a sign of something...but I'll leave it to your imaginations.

_________________The bizarre lattices were all around. Sticks and bits of board nailed together in fantastic array. It should've been ridiculous. Instead it seemed oddly sinister--these inexplicable lattices spread through a wilderness bearing little evidence that man had ever passed through...

You've never heard that term? It's legit, though I don't hear it as often.

Ayuh? Never run across it. Still rather funny to me though.

I have seen that in a few reviews on here. I thought it was just more engrish.

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taleskiss on Kiss wrote:

They influenced MOST of the metal bands of our days, and they are not part of this site? This is unacceptable!!!I would like to know why is that???Because they are not considered metal? This is not fare!!!

Black Metal At It's Finest.... - 100%Written by Odio_Pieno on October 14th, 2005

The Best Produced Album They Have Done All Around Everything Comes In Clear And Does Not Sound There Older Stuff Where It Is The Same Rift Over And Over Really If You Can't Say It Is Not A God Like Album Then Don't Listen To Metal Really Cause You Have No Idea What Your Talking About And The Whole Thing That Orchestra Is Lame Or Overrated Then You Really Don't Know Your Roots The Is Great On All Aspects And It Tops There Musical Capablities.

m/ "Keep The Metal Faith Alive" - Chuck Schuldiner m/

"Rift" is probably the single worst piece of metal-related Engrish ever. Hundreds of times worse than "trash" or "solows."

My reply:

Nightgaunt wrote:

End your life. Do it painfully; do it brutally; do it messily. But most importantly....do it soon.

_________________The bizarre lattices were all around. Sticks and bits of board nailed together in fantastic array. It should've been ridiculous. Instead it seemed oddly sinister--these inexplicable lattices spread through a wilderness bearing little evidence that man had ever passed through...

Black Metal At It's Finest.... - 100%Written by Odio_Pieno on October 14th, 2005

The Best Produced Album They Have Done All Around Everything Comes In Clear And Does Not Sound There Older Stuff Where It Is The Same Rift Over And Over Really If You Can't Say It Is Not A God Like Album Then Don't Listen To Metal Really Cause You Have No Idea What Your Talking About And The Whole Thing That Orchestra Is Lame Or Overrated Then You Really Don't Know Your Roots The Is Great On All Aspects And It Tops There Musical Capablities.

m/ "Keep The Metal Faith Alive" - Chuck Schuldiner m/

"Rift" is probably the single worst piece of metal-related Engrish ever. Hundreds of times worse than "trash" or "solows."

My reply:

Nightgaunt wrote:

End your life. Do it painfully; do it brutally; do it messily. But most importantly....do it soon.