Search This Blog

5 Ways To Get Back Up.

In life, we all have falls. We have those cringey
moments that we're ashamed of, we do things we wish we hadn't and from time to
time, yes of course we make mistakes. That's a given and regardless how much we
wish to be perfect in all that we do, we just can't be. Sh*t happens. We are
only human.

But falling down really hurts and when we find ourselves
back on the ground again, we can spiral into the murky pit of a shame
hangover. We isolate, or beat ourselves up or repeat what we've done 'wrong' over and over in our minds. We
become consumed by fear, anxiety, sadness and shame.

But none of this helps us get back up. Obviously.

So we need a way to get back on our feet, we need to be the
ones offering ourselves a helping hand to yank us up off the ground and back
into life.

So when we feel like we've messed up, what can we do?

1. Take Responsibility

If we stay down there burying our heads in the sand,
acting like nothing has happened, we won’t grow from it. So whatever's occurred,
we need to acknowledge and accept it. This is not a time to blame anyone else, it’s
not for us to make excuses. It's for us to be aware so that we can avoid a repeat.

Sometimes we need to take responsibility for the
fall, but in every case we need to take responsibility for getting back up. Instead of overthinking it, we really just need to honestly acknowledge what has happened and call it as it is - not with added drama or despair but just a realistic - 'This is what it is, I don't like it and I am moving on from it'.

There’s no
merit in playing the victim, especially not when you could strive to be the victor.

2. Forgive Yourself

Making
mistakes can really throw us sometimes, even when we have the best of
intentions, we can lose the run of ourselves and setbacks happen. And that
sucks, but it can happen. So we need to ask for forgiveness and give
it. And I mean genuinely give it – that doesn’t mean saying it out loud but
then giving sly digs to ourselves after, or continuing to ruminate on the issue over and over. It
means saying ‘I forgive you’ and making sure our actions show that.

We
can be our own harshest critics a lot of the time so when we’re feeling a bit
beat up as it is, it’s a good idea to practice self-compassion. In fact it's absolutely crucial.

3. Let
Go

In
the aftermath of a fall, we can tend to use the experience as a whip against
ourselves. We use it as proof of our lack of worth or as confirmation that we’re
not good enough. That’s not going to help us in the slightest and I think even when we
know this, we sometimes still hold on.

Letting go means we take our learnings and we move
on. It means we stop carrying around this heavy reminder of our slipups.
We don’t need ammunition against ourselves, we need support and kindness.

It’s
worth realising too that not everyone else is as critical of you as you are.
They are not thinking of your mistakes or spending their time analysing you as a
person based on one event. Everyone is mostly focused on themselves.

So let go of the fears of their
judgement, their disappointment, their whatever. Focus on yourself and build
yourself back up without the weight of assumptions and fears.

4. Make
A Plan to Move Forward

Making
a point of taking the learning from these situations is where we gain strength.
When we actively learn from our flaws we become stronger and more in control.
So we need to make a plan to use what we now know and ensure that we grow from
this, that we move forward and away from those feelings.

Take
note of how we can avoid this happening again, what tools could we have used
and how we’ll ensure to access them next time. Be proactive in taking something from the experience and see what could have been done differently, without judgement.

5. Start Again

'Get up, show up, dress up and don't ever give up.' When
we can successfully pick ourselves up after a fall, we’re in a prime position
to start again. Sometimes we’re even more focused, more refreshed and more
ready to take on what’s next because we’ve nurtured ourselves back up off the
ground and we know we’ve got our own back.

Starting
fresh is a wonderful opportunity to apply the fruits of our perceived failure,
it’s where we can show our renewed strength and commitment to growth. Luckily
we can start again at any moment, so take your time to firstly heal and then
firmly plant your feet in the direction of where you want to go.

***

When we're sensitive and we're striving to people please, we can take our downfalls pretty hard. We expect so much from ourselves that it's simply not feasible to always measure up. So maybe even more than others we need to have some kind of contingency plan for helping ourselves back up. We need to recognise that we're trying and that we have the resilience and determination to continue trying regardless how many times we find ourselves on the ground.

With the right attitude and a hefty dose of kindness towards ourselves, we will find that we're staying strong on our feet for much longer, unwavering and in control.

Getting back will always allow us to strengthen the muscles needed to do this.

'Failure
doesn’t come from falling down, failure comes in not getting back up.'

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Finding our way in life can be quite a journey. It's this vastly beautiful, exciting and challenging thing that we get one chance at. And figuring out what to do with our unique experience of it, is an undertaking that can lead us to many places, doing a variety of things and learning a wealth of lessons.

I'm extremely lucky to never have had to deal with death or grief much until this past year or so. Oddly enough this coincides with the time period where I've been most alive myself, experiencing freedom, travel and a zest of life that has been dormant in the past. Where once I struggled so much to embrace living, there is now a depth of gratitude, appreciation and wonder at how amazing life can be. I've realised the way I love to live - what I love doing, seeing and being part of, how I like to be, how I most enjoy spending my time, the ways I can recharge, feel good and self care. I've learned who I am and what my dreams are. I've awoken to the possibilities …

It feels like time for an oul update! I've been quiet on social media over the last three weeks as my phone has been broken and I've been unable to post really. I've finally surrendered to the fact that the phone repair shop will not be open for the foreseeable future, and bought a new phone so hopefully when that arrives I'll be back to more regular posting on Instagram and Facebook. Being without a phone is an interesting experience nowadays, it can seem like such an extension of our being at times, that going without would appear undesirable - really though, it hasn't been too inconvenient, in fact it frees up time for reading or doing other things and affords me the opportunity to be more mindful throughout the day. It can feel disconnecting though, I've missed its communicative function, and I think that's worth noting, that there is a balance to cultivate with our phones. While they do serve so many purposes, some are more worthy of our time than others…

Get out Of the confines of the fault finding mindGet outInto the world where the sun still shines and we canbecome more inclined towards its positive lightStep outfrom the belligerent beliefs that only serve to feedA nitpicking narrativeA cocoon of contempt.Is it that bad? Is the world actually out to get us? Do our peers exist solely to sneer and stand hand on gavelReady to pass judgement on our every move?To render us unstable within our own self worthBurying our esteem under the hardened ground of shitty self talkcomposting and fertilising a poisonous seed of self image that needs uprooting.Get out Of the view that's there's something bad about you.Because you -You are the unbelievable seed of incredible,of significant, of a strong and sacred life.You have immeasurable capacity to grow and thriveAnd that might sound exuberant, I get it, I didn't believe it either. I didn't realiseBut free now from that mindset, I've come completely alive.See, maybe we're mis…