I get why guys don’t read dating advice books. What man wants to be caught handing in his man card at Barnes and Noble? Well guys, now you can become enlightened with anonymity. And for those of you who are not quite as clueless as the men I’ve met, I hope you enjoy a good laugh, and realize the competition out there is not as fierce as you may think. Ladies, enjoy. I’m sure many of you can relate.

Every day, there's your inbox, overflowing with girls. Short girls, tall girls, thin girls, wide girls, blond girls, redheaded girls, exotic girls, girls-next-door girls. And they all have one thing in common. They're interested in you. You begin to feel unstoppable. You remember gaping wide-eyed at the television as a kid, wishing you could grow up to be Superman. And you have. But lucky you, Lois Lane has multiplied by 100.

I went out with a man who was feeling a bit like Superman. However, he hid it well on the date and we had a nice evening.

After the date, Superman emailed me to tell me that he had a nice time. That's when he made the mistake of believing his own hype...

"I must apologize for my manners in not walking you home. I don't know what the heck I was thinking! Anyway, I didn't want to end the evening with any decisions that would have dampened our spirits."

What? Did he really assume I'd sleep with him just for walking me home?

It's ok to be confident. Hell, it's ok to be overly confident and think you can bed every woman who crosses your path. However, you must hide the overly confident thoughts. Truth is, in the dating game, you are not above the fray. Every one of your Lois Lanes has at least 200 Supermen in her inbox.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

"Yeah. It was an awful thing to do. I should have broken it off earlier, but it's better than if we had gotten married and then realized it was a mistake."

"Huh. So how did you finally decide to break it off?" (Hey, he went there. I was just following.)

"Well, I knew for a while that it wasn't going well. She was an anxious girl, not really my type. But, I had met her when I first moved here and we just kind of fell into a pattern. Anyway, it was actually her mom who nudged me into finally ending it."

"Really? That's weird. How did that happen?"

"Well, a few months earlier, I had become really close to her mom. See, her mom had been in a really horrible accident and was in the hospital for a month. I would visit her and help take care of her." Awww!

He continued, "We'd talk a lot while I was brushing her hair, clipping her nails, and bathing her..." Whatthefuckdidhejustsay?

I tried to listen to the rest of his story, but the vision of my hot date sponging off a middle-aged woman - whose daughter he saw naked on a regular basis - was so overwhelming, it effected my hearing ability. And although I missed the end of his tale, I assume it went something like this "Turns out, her mom was the one who was into me!"

Hey guys, don't bring up the time you sponge-bathed your girlfriend's mom. Duh.

Ample Alcohol, Limited English: "I'm rich. I'm very very rich. You can have whatever you want. This bartender loves me." Ample Alcohol, Limited English was physically thrown out of the bar about 10 minutes later.

Drunk Girl: "Scores is much better than that other place. The women are totally hotter. Hey, I know! Let's go to a strip club!" I may have had a rough year with men honey, but I ain't going down that road.

I'm a stable girl. Really, I am. I don't mope and whine about men and my lack thereof. I don't panic at the thought of going to a wedding without a date. And you'll never hear me shrieking, "Why Me?"

That said, today I had an irrational moment I mistook for a rational one.

About a week ago, I went out on a great date. He was flirting, I was flirting. Before the first date ended, he was asking me out on a second. He called and text messaged after date one. He seemed pretty interested. I, on the other hand, (rational girl that I am) did not get all, "He's the one" and whatnot.

Well, I'm sorry to say, Mr. Great Date stopped calling. Before he even had a chance to become Mr. Great Second Date.

Oh well. These things happen, right? That's what I told myself until a sudden thought occurred to me, I bet he lost his phone!

After about 20 seconds envisioning him calling out my name while searching the rain-soaked sewer for his phone, I realized how irrational I was being.

It's not the easiest thing to wrap your mind around. But guys, if she doesn't call, it ain't cause she done lost her phone!

About Me

I'm a 30 something (fairly) newlywed who used to blog about dating disasters. Having entered this new phase of my life, my blog is now centered around marriage and motherhood with a sometimes-side of crafting.