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Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig approved the trade of Alex
Rodriguez to the New York Yankees. This did nothing to make the league
more competitive. Yankee fans cheered, Red Sox fans howled and Wal-Mart
offered Bud Selig a lifetime job as a zoning consultant.

San Francisco Judge James Warren said gay marriage
ceremonies at City Hall may violate state law, but he didn't ban
them. What else can he do? If you put these couples in handcuffs
they will pay a thousand dollars extra for the wedding ceremony.

Vladimir Putin was televised in Russia Tuesday dressed in
navy whites to see a Russian submarine fire a new missile.
Everyone was embarrassed when the missile malfunctioned and failed
to blast off. That's what happens when you don't have Cialis.

The September 11th Commission announced on Tuesday they will
hold a two-day public hearing next month. Don Rumsfeld and George
Tenet will be called to testify. In preparation, the commission is
installing swinging doors at the entrance to the hearing room and
putting up a sign that reads No Gambling or Spitting on the Floor.