Did you know marvel was going to add Islamic superhero’s

How many kids with ADD does it take to change a lightbulb?

My wife told me to add ketchup to the shopping list before I went to the store

I don't know why since now I can't read what it says

Admin : Adds Erica to the group.

David: Hi Erica welcome to the group.

Erica: Hi guys, I am new to the city.

Sam: Hi Erica don’t worry, I am here, any problems I will be the solution.

Kevin: Hi Erica. Tell me if you have any problem, I will arrange a solution for you.

Kyle: Hi Erica, if you need anyt...

What word gets shorter if you add two letters to it?

Short

What word gets shorter if you remove two letters from it?

Shorterer

I like when math problems always add up to round numbers.

They’re wholesum.

What does ADD stand for?

Discriminating Dyslexics Association

what do you get when you put a number 1 into a calculator and then add a number 2?

a mess

A chef made my soup in a rush and I asked "Why didn't you add any herbs and spices?"

He said "Sorry, I didn't have the thyme".

I was going to add some herbs to my cooking

but I had to serve it soon and there wasn’t any thyme

Add pressurised gas to orange juice you get orangeade. Add pressurised gas to cherry juice you get cherryade. Add pressurised gas to a man named Declan.

You get a decade. Though I'm hoping to be out on parole after 5 for good behaviour.

If you had a credit credit with ADD

It would lose interest so fast.

I have ADD.

It stands for attention defici

After 150 days off flooding, Noah released all the animals from his ark and commanded then to go forth and multiply.

After some time, he saw that the flocks and herds were regaining their numbers, but he came across a pair of snakes who had laid no eggs, and were just laying about.

"Why have you not multiplied?" he asked.

To which the snakes responded, "we can't, we're adders."

Noah being ...

I saw an add for burial plots

And thought this is the last thing I need

My ADD always beats me when I’m trying to do my homework.

The dyslexia doesn’t help either.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pilot says to the passengers, one engine has failed but don't worry this plane has four engines it will only add 20 minutes to the flight, then a second and third engine fail, Pilot says it's OK this plane can run on one engine and only adds 2 hours to the flight. Paddy says.

Fucking heck if the other engine fails, we could be up here forever.

We need to start a petition to permanently add President Trump to Mount Rushmore.

Not a sculpture of him. Himself.

If you add coke to your whiskey, you're a novice drinker.

If you add whiskey to your coke, you're ruining good drugs.

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

Why do I add baking soda to my pumpkin spice lattes?

To make them even more basic.

Add a job interview I filled my glass of water until it overflowed a little

“Nervous.” Asked the interviewer.

“No, I always give 110%”

If a recipe calls for you to turn off the heat and begin mincing your herbs to add to the dish, that step would be called:

Stop. Hammer thyme.

What do you call a hen that can add, subtract, and multiply?

A mathamachicken.

Everyday someone mysteriously adds more dirt on top of my garden

The plot thickens

I tried to teach a ghost addition. Despite its efforts, in the end, it could only add 1 at a time.

I was disappointed, but I guess it's the spirit that counts.

What is a hero's favorite thing to add to a drink?

Just-ice!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do the Hong Kong police like to show up to work early?

They like to beat the crowds.

Edit: WTF is wrong with you people?I know dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old but, 2 shiny bottle caps?? NO!! Send that money to the protesters, or groups helping them, in Hong Kong.

Edit 2:Add edit to first comment. Also he...

How did the child with ADD find out his parents were racist?

They sent him to a concentration camp.

Sales pitch

Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

Before long the Captain in charge of the ind...

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan

A United States Marine was deployed to Afghanistan.

While he was there he received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained that she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him. To add injury to the insult, she said ...

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

I hate it when people misappropriate common words to add dramatic emphasis to their statements.

If you add S to EX files...

What would Mark Zuckerberg add to the game, if he created MineCraft?

Why is sex like math?

A: You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.

Edit:This is my first post to get 50+ upvotes. Thank you all

Edit 2: Wow now it is 1k+ upvotes. Thank you very much

What do you get when you add human DNA to a goat?

Off... you get off.

Why does everyone add salt to their meals?

It’s sodium goooood

What song did Starlord recently add to his Awesome Mix?

Another One Bites The Dust by Queen

I've decided to add more oranges to my jokes.

To increase their, uh, peel.

My teacher told me I'd never be good at poetry because I'm dyslexic.

But so far I've made three jugs and a vase and they're lovely.

Edit to add: Thank you for the Gold and Silvers kind strangers!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sweet old lady is making lunch for her husband one day...

She had been making him the same lunch for the past 40 years. His favorite: a sandwich on italian bread, made with turkey, american cheese, pickles, onions, mustard, and mayo. The husband walks into the kitchen, sits down, and takes a bite. His wife asks the same thing she always asks, “Hows the san...

If the camera really does add 10 pounds

Do Ethiopian kids even exist?

I really hate how I can't add swearwords to my phone's spell checker.

It's a ducking piece of shot.

What do racist cannibals like to add to their soup?

A handful of crackers.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her...

Why do bakeries in Denmark add so much sugar to their pastries?

If they didn't, they would be sweetish.

When I was a kid I was diagnosed with ADD

But I paid no attention

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Joe, Dave, Tommy, and Rodney start a folk rock band. Joe plays cymbals, Dave is on the 6-string, Tommy has the drums, and Rodney adds his unique twang to the vocals.

Their very first rehearsal, they come up with a great idea for an original composition. It takes heavy liberties with the cymbal part. Joe is ecstatic; cymbal players rarely ever get the recognition they deserve. This could be a revolution in the music industry!

They begin tuning and setting ...

Me: "I've lost my calculator." Them: "..." Them: "..and?"

Me: "Oh, I've got nothing to add"

If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food.

I could almost afford a small popcorn.

Edit: With all the complaining in the comments I could add a drink as well.

Nah cheers guys. Sorry about the cost of movie food. It’s the CEO’s fault not the person behind the counter. Please stop yelling at us. We are very small and we have no m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Nick the Dragon Slayer obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Nick revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, the King's chief doctor. Horatio thought abou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little Irish math test

Paddy wants a job, but the foreman won’t hire him until he passes a little maths test.

Here is your first question, the foreman says. “Without using numbers, represent the number 9.”