Justin's Blog

“Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.” – Helen Keller

I don’t want to live my life being overly cautious, but rather appropriatelycautious.

We are discovering in the research of anxiety disorders, OCD, and now depressive disorders, that possessing an Intolerance of Uncertainty (IU) is a common construct linked with higher anxiety and life disruption.

But is uncertainty a threat? Take a moment and ponder one of your favorite memories. What did it involve? Was there any risk? Any vulnerability? Any chance of failure? Most of the best life stories I hear are of those that involve, well, all of these things.

A person who cannot tolerate not knowing actually misses out. How? Isn’t knowledge power? What happens is this: the more control a person must have, the less control a person has. The more certainty that is sought, the more narrowly circumscribed life becomes. Quick examples:

Job/Career- waiting on having “the answer” for the best job as opposed to taking steps to explore.

Medical- incessantly pursuing answers where mystery exists.

Spiritual- assumptions that not having tangible proof is equated with disproving, OR the opposite, that strong belief requires being closed and inflexible.

Relationship certainty- requiring feelings of certainty to determine the right direction.

Financial- hoarding to “guarantee” security.

Personal safety- avoidance of people and places because of a generalized, esoteric concern for safety.

Want to know how you handle uncertainty? Take the free IUS-12 assessment here. [Go to "Read More" below to find out how to score the assessment.]

Let’s be clear: everyone is uncomfortable with some uncertainty. And reasonable protection from risks is part of being wise- which can also be subjective. But the more you necessitate that certainty must exist, the following is more likely to happen:

Lowered confidence

Sense of unfairness in unpredictability

Diminished perceived control

High anxiety

Procrastination

Increased stress and anxiety

Compulsive checking

Possible higher anxiety in daily hassles that everyone faces

In the research on IU, there are also two subset strategies identified: Prospective anxiety (desire for predictability) and Inhibitory anxiety (uncertainty paralysis) (Fourtounas et. al 2016).

Prospective Anxiety is a desire for predictability, which actively seeks information and certainty:

Know the future and what it holds

Excessive reassurance-seeking

Excessive information-seeking to know what the future holds

Checking obsessively

Engaging in compulsive planning

Unwilling to leave the results to chance

Inhibitory Anxiety is related to ‘uncertainty paralysis’, and is more avoidant:

Being stuck

Unable to respond effectively

Cognition and activity paralysis

Unwilling to leave the results to chance

If you struggle with any of these, the next questions is this: How do I live with uncertainty and anxiety, while also taking suitable precautions?

The solution is fairly straightforward, but not easy.

Once a problem area has been identified (along with what is reasonable, normative, or within your values), gradually and consistently gain ground by pressing into your fear without using a false reassurance strategy that reinforces the false threat of uncertainty.

In therapy, one of the most powerful tools that exists to deal with uncertainty is what we call Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). This is the single most effective tool in treating OCD, and it is very valuable in other disorders. The reasons it usually has to be done in therapy are several:

Anything higher than a mild severity level makes it near impossible to work on without help

ERP requires knowing many of the ins-and-outs of how a person might try to escape facing their fears (and these can be so subtle that the therapist may not even catch them occurring in a session unless they know to ask about them).

Give yourself a break- almost no one on the face of this planet sets difficult goals for themselves- and keeps them consistently- without the conversation, support, problem-solving, and feedback from others. Don’t minimize how hard it is to face fear!

I personally love Exposure because it helps me face life with a “bring-it-on” attitude rather than a “stumble-through-best-I-can.” ERP in therapy is very specific, very structured, and very powerful. However, even the person who is not in therapy can benefit from its principles:

Face your fear, realistically, gradually.

Don’t hide from it or reinforce it.

Learn from your new experiences. Evaluate new evidence.

“Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives, and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist.” ~Edgar Watson Howe

So what uncertainty are you not letting yourself live with? When is ‘not knowing’ unacceptable to you? Uncertainty is not the problem. It is unrealistic to be 100% certain about most everything in life. Life has few certificates of guarantee, and those are only as good as what is backing them. Ready to face your uncertainty?

Most people think I’m an extravert. They see me being sociable, laughing, communicating- and the consensus is, “There’s NO way you’re an introvert.” My friends have confused being outgoing with being extraverted. In fact, even in counseling, the average person I work with believes that extraverts are outgoing and communicative, introverts shy and introspective. And though this can apply, it is not actually the technical definition- nor the most helpful definition of what it means.

I will spare you the extensive history of folks like Jung and the modern day Myers-Briggs test, and there are many wonderful resources available on our topic we are considering- so feel free to consult my friend, “Google,” for more on the topic.

I have come to believe that, at least in terms of personality psychology, understanding and application of this domain is one of the most significant for personal success.

I am an introvert. Most of my life I have tried to be an extravert. Most days now I accept how I function, but I still find myself expecting I will magically change this. I find myself around groups of people almost all day for several days in a row, and I wonder, “Why am I getting so edgy, tired, and experience a pressure to just want to go home and get away? I want to just be able to power through!” Ohhhh yes. That’s right. I’m a mid-level introvert.

Many claim that our world rewards extraverts. Maybe that’s true. But I know that if you are an extravert, your success is not handed to you on a platter. In fact, some of the hallmark characteristics of the introvert include abilities that many with extraverted tendencies desperately want.

The best way to think about I / E is, “How do I recharge? Where am I most focused (the external world or the internal world)? How do I get energy? In what capacity do I restore and recharge my batteries?” If your answer is a clear, “With people!” or “Alone!” you may have a more obvious answer. If it’s a mix of the two, you may be more in the middle, or an “ambivert.” (There’s testing you can do to figure this out better, such as the MBTI or five factor model testing (FFM)/”Big Five”) But the answer to this question is pivotal to how you approach life- and frankly, how you NEED to approach life. No one questions the merit in stopping to eat a meal or getting a good night’s rest. But, how easy it is to question the way our own body and mind gets its energy back! For me, I question myself usually because I want to be more “productive,” able to knock out more things to be “successful.” But getting more stuff done is not necessarily a good thing in many circumstances.

When dealing with buried emotions with clients, I often say a phrase my supervisor taught me: “Emotions buried alive never die.” We therefore have to deal with these emotional “undead.” So it is with how we recharge. Our needs will eventually come up, and if we haven’t been nurturing them in a reasonable way, they will come up with a vengeance, ready to threaten burnout and exhaustion.

One of the keys to the application of one’s recharge style is how to work within a system of an infinite number of variables, styles, and circumstances. Put another way, we must learn to function both independently and dependently in the system with which we find ourselves. Extraverts, you will need to find ways to connect with others, but have to be disciplined (and usually work harder) at resting and reflection. Introverts, you will need to find ways to be alone and collect your thoughts, but have to be disciplined (and usually work harder) to make sure you stay social. “Ambiverts,” well, you’ve got it all together. :) All joking aside, ambiverts will need to find ways to connect and be alone, but have to be disciplined to have a foundation that allows them not only to “go with the flow,” but to make choices for both ends of the spectrum rooted in their own convictions.

My personal journey with I / E will always be evolving as life changes and I transition through different stages. It is nice, now, to not have to waste energy in being the “vert” I want to be and focus on living faithfully with the reality that is.

~Justin​{And just for the record, my writing of this blog was 90% introversion, 10% feedback from others.}

You may have just gotten an activity tracker over the holidays, or maybe you’ve already jumped on the bandwagon of wearable tech. Not only do activity monitors like Fitbit, Apple Watch, and Spire track steps, heart rate, sleeping, and more, you can turn your tracker into an ally for mental health.

Here’s how.

Being able to track and monitor your thoughts, mood, emotions, symptoms, and sensory experiences is arguably one of the central tenets of most schools of therapy. It is nowhere more prominent than in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), where awareness of internal processes is a first step to changing outcomes. For years, techniques such as journaling and monitoring have been used, but this new technological age adds a few extra tools that can be a boon for awareness. But you also have to build the emotional intelligence and discipline to catch what’s going on and translate that into meaningful action. Following are some tips. (Remember that some people will have more stress by using a monitor- if so, practice these same tips without help from Mr. Fitbit).

Be aware. Occasionally throughout the day, check in with yourself (or a buddy!) Ask if your heart rate, breathing, sleeping, thoughts, or mood fits the goals you have (see #3). Pay attention to little details. Was my heart rate elevated over the holidays because of my activity level, or stress? Did I sleep less last week because of something planned, or because of insomnia? Was I irritable at work? Did I feel anxious around people? If you want to change something, you have to identify what you’re working with first. Allow yourself to take note without spending too much time on any one thing.

Let an external tracker add to your awareness. Utilize the unconscious observations your tracker makes to correspondingly assist in your own mindfulness. Those of you who have had the helpful feedback of a trusted support can attest to the value of observations made outside of yourself. I, for one, appreciate the occasional fashion police! :)

Identify the goal. What are you trying to accomplish? Better sleep? Getting less stressed at work? Being clear about this in a reasonable way gives you a target to aim for- and helps you see if you need extra resources in getting it done. (See my Setpoints resource to help further.)

Identify solutions. Once you have tracked your experience and know the goal, then you can apply solutions. Heart rate at 110 while sitting at work? Try some deep breathing and a de-stressing activity. Notice you’re not taking many steps? Take 3 minutes to get up and move. Sleep getting off track? Develop some sleep hygiene techniques. And so on and so forth.

Be social. Whether you are extroverted/introverted or outgoing/shy, connecting in some way with others is essential to your health. Trackers give lots of options to do this in fun, cute, and challenging ways.

In this season of rush....

I hate to admit it. Mom and Dad, please don't laugh too hard when I say....this.... I sometimes miss being told what to do. There. I said it.

I remember the drill of childhood. "When did you last eat? Here, have some food." "Looks like you could use a hug." "You're getting cranky; it's time for a nap."

In my super-mature “I'm-smarter-than-a-child” mentality, I miss some of the plainest truths in life. One of these is the importance of rest. It’s the weekend before Christmas, and all through my house are temptations to “achieve” and find my worth in what I do and the approval of others.

I’m trying to step back and rest. And I often will remind myself, “I’m more efficient when I rest.” What’s funny about that statement is that I still am finding an excuse for resting. What would it be like if I stop running the show for a moment? Slowing down the crazy pace of life is not only a discipline, it is an act of faith- one that acknowledges that I don’t control all and know all. And I don’t have to carry the universe on my shoulders. That’s freeing. I hope you “achieve” some great rest during this time of the year. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!!

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