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Ask The Ghetto Shaman

In The Lord of the Rings, why aren’t there two dwarf Ringwraiths? Two of the rings of Sauron were given to the dwarves, right? So, like, where are the two shrimpy dark riders? Stuff like this makes me crazy!

Jack P.

Lakewood, NJ

Dear Jack,

Er, the nine kings of men were the Ringwraiths. Dragons ate the dwarves in those mines, dude, so no short dark riders necessary. Do I have to teach you people everything? I think brain chemistry and genetics are the stuff that made you crazy. Now do the honorable thing and throw yourself into the fires of Mt. Doom, bitch.

The Ghetto Shaman

⊕ The Ghetto Shaman is a spiritual healer and guru best known for his book The Tao of Skullfucking. His advice columns has arguably helped many people and he is working with The Daily Discord on a weekly podcast called All Things Discouraged. ⊕ View all posts by The Ghetto Shaman →