Just a girl….looking for personal solace….

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Month: November 2014

He found out why i’m hooked onto him,or at least part of the reason. I just have dependency issues and feel the need for “someone” to be here,comfort me, and make me feel wanted. I never promised him a relationship; I just well its like this:
So you know how sometimes I talk about my ex? Well I guess it started with him dumping me and I had grown,have grown,such a strong dependency on him that i just wanted someone to make me feel something like he did during our relationship. I didn’t even realize what was happening to me at first; I just knew that I was searching for something and what made me notice was little things but this morning when we,(I and the guy from above. The “He”) talked it hit me like my head was being smashed by a cement block of truth. I felt as if i needed(need?) a replacement,or distraction from these feelings about my ex and thats where guys come in. They give me the satisfaction of what’s stated above,and remind me that somewhere deeply hidden inside my negative/horrible personality and dumb,unnatractiveness that i’m worth something and might actually be a good person even though a lot of times i hate myself…

Im not a good daughter or a good student and my mom has to rush into my room and steal my phone to know what im doing,i cant get into drivers ed cause im failing english,i had a stress freakout yesterday over an essay,and i depend too much on other people. Now my mom thinks im emotionally unstable and i also “crave dick” which is extremely untrue. She wants to have a long talk which probably involves questions about if i want counseling and sometimes i just want to escape but i think im overreacting and just acting selfish cause there are way more people that have ACTUAL problems to worry about and im just stupid and try to be a normal person,but i can’t cause i think something is wrong with me…my parents shouldve stamped “Return to Sender” on my head when i was born…