Holiday Stress: Five Ways to Manage the Chaos that Comes with the Holidays

With the coming dark, my own body shifts into a cycle of down time. As someone who celebrates the shifting of the yearly cycle, I’ve learned to let myself flow with them. When winter comes, I hibernate and it’s okay. But hibernating is hard with the rush of the holiday season. There’s just so much to celebrate, along with so much to do. In the last couple of days alone, I attended a gift swap with my favorite feminist group and performed in my first trapeze recital. While enjoying these moments, I am also struggling with the darkness inside that comes along with the shorter days. My impulse is to burrow deep and rest until spring awakens the earth again. But until January comes there is simply too much to do. Thus I have come up with some strategies to help me get through this time of both light and dark.

1. Prioritize

Sometimes it’s tempting to do all the things. Riding the line between introvert and extrovert, I struggle with the desire to take on everything being offered. But what tends to happen, is I over commit and drop everything a week into December. A couple of years ago, I realized that I had to pick the things I loved the best. I can’t do everything because it ends up leaving me stressed and exhausted.

Now I sit down and choose the things that are not just the most important but mean the most to us as a family. Trapeze performances for example are always a must because I love seeing my children (and now they love seeing me) show off their skills and creativity. We always do the Parade of Lights. We make a list of the things we want to do besides these crucial events, and then we figure out what means the most to us and leave the rest. It’s not always easy but it makes what we choose to do more fun, more special, and a whole lot less stressful.

2. Embrace and Accept Your Needs

Don’t feel guilty for not doing all the things! Your needs are important and it’s a big part of self-love to recognize this simple but often forgotten fact. While I do take the needs of others into consideration, I’m also learning to balance those needs with my own. As I’ve become more comfortable acknowledging how my depression, my physical health, and my ADHD effects my life, I’ve also become more comfortable understanding that accommodations are not a weakness.

If bright lights and loud music have an adverse effect on your senses, it’s not a weakness to avoid those kinds of holiday parties. If turning into a hermit helps ease the depression pit hermit away! There is no shame in making sure your neurology is respected. I do this for me and for my kids. I don’t force them or myself into things that are going to do harm to our mental health. I’ll go even further and say this absolutely applies to politically charged situations. Right now many of us feel vulnerable in the new political climate, and rightly so. It is one hundred percent okay to avoid and set boundaries for family visits that could turn ugly. Recognize that you might not be in the right place to have a conversation revolving around politics, open discussion, etc.

It’s okay to say, “Not right now.”

3. Say No

This one has always been tough for me. I’m the kind of person who wants to get involved and do much more than I can actually handle. I end up a quivering mass of anxiety unable to do anything. When four of my five children, decided to go back to school I knew this was going to be a problem. I told myself repeatedly that I was not going to volunteer for everything. Thus far I’ve stuck to this promise. I volunteer of course but I make sure it’s one thing as opposed to six. And if I’m cornered, I say “Sorry but I just can’t add anything more to my plate right now.”

December just seems to be chock full of volunteering opportunities. It’s easy to get caught up in the spirit of wanting to give back and help. But it’s also just as easy to over-whelm yourself and end up doing nothing. I try to pick two things that help others, and then two things for my children’s events. Four volunteering opportunities pushes my limit but it doesn’t push me over. Everything else is meet with a firm but polite no.

4. Breathe

And by breathe, I mean, take small moments to nourish your soul. It is so easy to forget to engage in self-care during the holidays. Every year, I find myself depleted mid-month, and realize I’ve done none of the things that make me feel full. This year, I actually penned in to my daybook (I’m old fashioned and still use a paper day planner) things like gym time, baths, and coffee breaks. I made sure my husband and I have a music show to see. I budgeted money out so that I could do extra trapeze sessions. And sometimes I just use those neat computer apps that help you breathe through stress.

Make sure you include some things that keep the chaos at bay. Replenishing yourself will help you to replenish others.

5. Remember why you’re celebrating.

No matter what holiday you’re celebrating (and that includes those who indulge in a secular holiday season as well), try to hold onto the meanings of your religion or what you have endowed into the celebration. I love to creative journal and during this time, I try to do a journal entry every couple of days encapsulating what Yule means to me. It helps remind me that Yule is not about feeling rushed or having to buy tons of things for everyone I know. While sometimes I enjoy those moments, I like to get back to the basics.

I see this season in a couple of different ways which reflects my introvert/extrovert side. On one hand, this is the time when we remember to give and share. As we enter the dark time, I think on how in the past this time meant scarcity. Yule is a chance to share our bounty with others and that bounty can mean a variety of things: food, clothing, love, friendship, etc. I do the things I do to reflect my desire to give to others what I have in abundance and to use this time as a reminder to carry those efforts throughout the year.

On the other hand, I see this as a time to hermit. During the dark months, seeds settle into the earth to wait for the warm spring sun. I imagine myself as harboring creative seeds and letting them germinate to fruitarian come spring. During Yule, I throw myself into the last burst of extroverted feeling as I prepare for cozy nights spent with my family as I knit and read. I celebrate a time to rest and contemplate as opposed to doing.

I hope my tips help you to generate your own tips on holiday survival. I wish everyone a safe, joyful, body positive holiday season!

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[Feature Image: An individual with medium length brown hair and bangs wears black hat, plaid jacket and gloves as they sip from a coffee mug standing outdoors in a crowd of people. Flickr.com/Mike Kniec]