Football Player Donezo After Girlfriend Pours Boiling Water On Him

Florida International Tight End Jonnu Smith will miss the remainder of his senior year football season. No, it’s not because he tore his ACL or separated his shoulder. Nope, not suspended for pot or poor academics. IT’S BECAUSE HIS CRAZY GIRLFRIEND DOUSED HIM WITH BOILING WATER, obviously.

“According to the arrest affidavit, Smith, an NFL draft prospect, suffered severe burns on his head, neck, back, a shoulder and an arm.

Mary Gaspar has been charged with felony aggravated battery. She is five months pregnant with their child.

According to the arrest affidavit, Gaspar gave this account at Florida International University police headquarters:

Gaspar and Smith argued through the day on Oct. 31 about how much attention Smith was paying her and their relationship. While in Smith’s dorm room and “feeling extremely emotional and stressed,” Gaspar told police, she boiled a pot of water. Then she walked over to Smith and poured it on him.

When Smith didn’t react strongly enough for her, she started hitting him with her open hands, she told police.”

I know, I know, the initial reaction would be to talk about just how fucking loony this chick is for dumping scalding hot water on her boyfriend. But the real story here, what’s truly remarkable is just how indestructible Jonnu Smith is as a man and as a human being (he may actually be a cyborg I’m not sure yet). College athletes have hectic lives. Classes, practices, study hours, games. Add in a batshit girlfriend, an impending baby, AND a potential NFL career and then it’s just another day in the life of good ol’ Jonnu boy. I have a nervous breakdown when my phones at 57%. There are men, and then there’s Jonnu Smith. I guess you kinda have to be a cool customer with a name like Jonnu, just part of the gig. The fact that this guy hasn’t changed his name and disappeared from the face of the earth is going to be my daily reminder that I can endure anything life throws or dumps on me.

On a side note, ladies, please don’t pour blistering hot water on your boyfriend. I know sometimes you might feel like you’re not getting enough attention but 99/100 times inflicting severe burns upon them isn’t the answer. Why someone wouldn’t want to be with a person bananas enough to pour searing water on them in the first place is beyond me but I just don’t think that’s the answer.