Can I get any other financial help?

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Registered User

Hate to talk about money and Im sure many people have asked this but I was wondering as Ive had to give up work to care for mum full time now that shes moved into my home, as well as carers allowence, is there anything else I can claim for as things are quite tight?

Registered User

Have you sought a discount for your Council Tax re Severe Mental Impairment?
Some Water Boards give a discount if illness causes an increase in demand ( I believe)...I read this somewhere but can't remember where.
No VAT on some essential purchases....like specialist shoes or furniture for Mum's needs or work in the house...like a shower wet/room for her use.

Registered User

You can apply for Income Support (it's means tested, unlike Carer's Allowance) and if you get that you can apply for a Council Tax reduction (also means tested), free prescriptions and dental. If you are still paying off your mortgage you can apply for Mortgage Interest Tax Relief.

If your Mum wears incontinence pads or pants contact her GP and ask for a referral to an incontinence nurse. I did after reading on here about some authorities providing free pants and we got our first delivery last week, which was great as they're not cheap.

Registered User

I never had a means test and I've never heard it said that the disregard on council tax was means tested, although I accept not all councils interpret the rules the same.
No one I've ever talked to had a means test for this.
K

Volunteer Moderator

Carers allowance won't be paid if you are in receipt of state pension though will be taken into account for entitlement to some other benefit. It will be paid if you earn under a certain amount which is somewhere around £100/110 per week

Registered User

I never had a means test and I've never heard it said that the disregard on council tax was means tested, although I accept not all councils interpret the rules the same.
No one I've ever talked to had a means test for this.
K

Registered User

Just to clarify I dont have any income as cant work anymore with caring for mum 24/7 in my home and no I'm not of pensionable age. Regarding mum paying anything towards living here, no, and its a difficult one isn't it and how much would be suitable anyway?

Have to agree Pete R. Remember mum would have living costs wherever she lives so work out a reasonable 'board and lodging' contribution. If it ever reaches the point where your mum needs residential care, she would have any savings built up from her income counted as her capital so could well make her self-funding (if she isn't already). An elderly cousin of mine built up savings which astonished us when she finally died. She was living in her own home but just spent very little of her state pension, which was her only income.

More importantly, you are giving up a great deal to support your mum already, and should not compromise your financial future too. You won't get any credit for it from the authorities.

Registered User

Mum has a state pension and gets attendance allowance. She has always been able to squirrel away all her money all her life as never paid for anything as was always very much cared for financially by both my late father and her partner. Consequently, she has no real understanding of finances and how much things cost these days and has large amounts of savings in various accounts. These I've frozen due to previous financial abuse when she was living elsewhere but have access to her current account as I am an Appointee now. Very little is spent, just hair appointments, clothes, toiletries and sweets. I daren't withdraw much as I'm so worried about that sort of thing and feel awful just taking out £10 each week for her hairdresser!!

Registered User

Difficult to say and something you should discus with your Mum but as you have given up work there is no reason why you should not be paid a wage for your caring as well as all the extra expenses that you incur.

From your previous posts I think you have made adaptions to your home and have an on going legal dispute to pay for. No reason why your Mom cannot contribute towards those especially as you say she has the funds, although maybe not accessible at the moment.

At the time I would have thought it abhorrent to do the same with my Mom but looking back I was stupid not to.

Good luck.

Edit.....In light of your on going dispute I would recommend keeping very detailed records.

Registered User

Pete R its all so horrible every which way I turn. I like you felt, do not want to take any money from Mum. With the ongoing court hearings Im not comfortable with her paying for anything and would only ask for the bear minimum for food although with winter to think about I have a multifuel burner for heating but don't think I will be able to keep it warm enough for Mum with wood alone which I normally do for myself so really need to think about getting some coal in but again, dont want to ask!! Dont worry, I am keeping a cashflow book and all receipts of the tiny bit I do spend from her accounts but its only a few pounds a week. X

Registered User

Just to clarify I dont have any income as cant work anymore with caring for mum 24/7 in my home and no I'm not of pensionable age. Regarding mum paying anything towards living here, no, and its a difficult one isn't it and how much would be suitable anyway?

My Mum pays half of most of the bills, things she would be paying on her own in her own place so half of our combined bills is actually cheaper for her (as well as me). (Food/Gas/Electric/Water etc). I've always kept monthly spreadsheets of my own finances, so easy to work out from there on a monthly basis. As Pete R says though, in your situation I'd keep very good records including reason for expenditure not just '£ to xxx'.

With the adaptions I did to the bathroom also split that in half - my half because it is my flat and Mums half because it was only done to make life easier for her.

Registered User

Whilst that all sounds quite fair my Mum would not agree to any of that!! When I broached the subject about her helping out she just asked why as she doesn't eat much!!! I really don't want to ask again as she got upset as doesn't understand money as never has had to deal with it and has no idea.

Registered User

Since its your house you dont ask you tell her what the bills are and that she will contribute half. If she would prefer to go into a care home and pay vast sums then I'm afraid you have to be clear that is the only other alternative.

Don't pussy foot as certain people will always hang back when it comes to paying their way

Registered User

Maybe you could work something out once your other problems are sorted TMB. This isn't the right time for you to start using your mother's money, even for her benefit, I realise that.
However, assuming all goes well, then I would take a certain amount for your mother's keep as it isn't right that you should have given up your own income and be struggling to keep you both. Then keep careful accounts of every penny taken in case of further questions being asked later on. That is fair and acceptable.

Is your mother aware of her day to day finances? As you are already her Appointee, I would imagine perhaps not. So she probably isn't aware of every penny spent of her income. That you care for your mother greatly is obvious from your other posts and I know you won't want to go behind her back but sometimes it is necessary with all sorts of things where dementia is concerned. With dementia, logic flies out of the window, so it's natural for her not to realise the extent of the financial problem this is causing you.
Maybe something to think about eventually. x

Volunteer Moderator

Tryingmybest, I wholly agree with what others have written.
Yes, your choice to give up work - but her choice to agree to move in with you - you each 'face up to' the consequences (forseen or not) of those decisions.
Imagine you were 'simply' out of work, you may well take in a lodger to help with finances, it's been done for centuries.
Well, in my mind, your mother is your lodger.
Her partners previously looked after her finances without her being bothered, you now have that responsibility, whether she completely understands that or not.
Have a look round at what is a fair rate for a room in your area to get some idea of what you can reasonably 'accept' from her.
Check out info about taking in lodgers eghttp://www.lodgers.com/taking-in-a-lodger.html
Consider equally sharing bills for water, gas, electric, phone line rental, food, cleaning products etc - or at the very least add on a percentage for the additional amount she will use - say 25%, then maybe in time compare the last year with the year from when she moved in.
If you as an adult had moved in with her you would have paid your way.
And remember, she pays for anything directly to do with her eg day care, extra waterproof bedding, taxis to appointments - that's what the AA is for.
What Pete R wrote is shouting out at me:

At the time I would have thought it abhorrent to do the same with my Mom but looking back I was stupid not to.

Registered User

Since its your house you dont ask you tell her what the bills are and that she will contribute half. If she would prefer to go into a care home and pay vast sums then I'm afraid you have to be clear that is the only other alternative.

Don't pussy foot as certain people will always hang back when it comes to paying their way

Marionq you put it very well. Tryingmybest It's not at all unreasonable for your mum to make a contribution, which will no doubt be considerably less than she would have to pay in any other situation. I am very worried that subsidising her will put you into a precarious financial position either now or in the future especially as you are now missing out on NI credits because you haven't yet been able to sort out the carers allowance you should be entitled to.

You say your mum has not ever had much financial understanding, in which case you need to do the sensible thinking for her. I appreciate that you may feel reluctant to do anything now which you think might affect the ongoing legal proceedings, but at least think about this for the future when hopefully the court has decided in your favour.

Registered User

Mum has a state pension and gets attendance allowance. She has always been able to squirrel away all her money all her life as never paid for anything as was always very much cared for financially by both my late father and her partner. Consequently, she has no real understanding of finances and how much things cost these days and has large amounts of savings in various accounts. These I've frozen due to previous financial abuse when she was living elsewhere but have access to her current account as I am an Appointee now. Very little is spent, just hair appointments, clothes, toiletries and sweets. I daren't withdraw much as I'm so worried about that sort of thing and feel awful just taking out £10 each week for her hairdresser!!

My mom was the same, lived like a church mouse, and saved saved, saved. bless her. My mom as a state pension and a saver element of pension credit, also the lower rate of AA then after diagnosis, When she lost capacity and was admitted to hospital after a fall, she was then placed into a home for respite care and then a place was found for her at the lovely care home she is in now and is very happy. Before all this happened I was on carers allowance and had a small pension. I'm still of working age and now can't get a job partly due to ageist employers and being out of work for 3 years as a carer I didn't have a L.P.A. as mom was in denial about her dementia since 2011 and wouldn't sign one. For about six months or more I kept her in food and the like, she lived alone and just paid her DD bills through her bank, she forgot her pin number to withdraw her pension to go shopping so I was left to keep her on merge funds, with me calling in every day as her carer or she stayed with me for long weekends. She didn't always know who I was so wouldn't contribute in café or outing costs etc, This wasn't my moms way at all, it was this nasty illness, it was very stressful. When she lost capacity and social services stepped I was then allowed to apply for deputyship to manage her accounts.
I was told by the C.O.P which took several months, to claim out of pocket expenses leading up to deputyship and after it was granted and to keep all receipts, you must work out what you can regarding a fair contribution to your living expenses from your moms account if she lives with you. If you have L.P.A. this is easy, an appointee only allows you to speak to benefit people and make sure they pay your moms bens into the bank. If you haven't got L.P.A. could you ask your mom to sign one and explain to her that you are finding it hard to cope financially worth a try, I hope this helps SJCares.