finding her feet – faute de mieux

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I’m uninspired. I feel totally out of sorts. I can’t think. I can’t sleep. I can’t just let it be. I’m nervous for no reason. I can’t feel what I want to feel. I can’t unwrap my birthday presents. I can’t respond the way I want. I can’t speak any louder than this. I can’t make out the meaning of words. I can’t love. I can’t see what you expect me to see. I can’t read between the lines. I can’t feel innocent. I’m not myself. I can’t calculate. I can’t feel unhappy. I can’t learn things that I wish to. I can’t find anything I look for. I can’t remember what I’m looking for. I can’t find your number to call you. I can’t smell the flowers you sent. I can’t check my mail. I can’t eat till I’m hungry like hell. I can’t understand. I can’t be sweet. I can’t float in my tub. I can’t describe my mood. I can’t roll over to the other side of my bed. I can’t write any better than this. Amen.

Susanna, sixteen and sweet as honeyloved a boy in her Spanish class.Cute he was, hadn’t much money,but soon exchanged rings of brass.Features fine, manners he lacked many;soon into his grave she let him pass!

A pleasant gentleman made her stopat his backyard daily where his roses grew.He too watched, shyly, at her coffee shoppretty Susanna who was nearly twenty-two.Married when, in a letter, the question popp’dbut his laconic love made poison bid him adieu!

Touring the world, she met a rich man;talkative, humorous, a handsome Dutch.A man of many hobbies – he wrote,swam,ran…He loved to talk – of his hobbies and such;She wedded him when they visited Japan;also, aptly silenced him as he talked too much!

Forty and pretty, love she did crave;found a doctor, her suitor, lovable for sure.After marriage, more and more love he gave,said often, “For my sadness, it’s the cure…”till the day she plonked him into his grave.She thought his love too selfish to endure!

For a very brief period, she married a professor-a scientist, genius, unselfish, naive-for he said, “Marry me now,” in a puerile mannerand waited very long, from husband one to five.At the end of a month, she, with an electric driller,bored him to death – as he did, in a way, when alive!

The last of her husbands, but not the least-he loved her in a way she hadn’t known before…Sixty, as old as she, handsome, was a holy priest;Prince Charming was he, the stuff of folklore.Not a day into wedlock he was among the deceased…because true love they finally got; and so, she too was no more!

P.S. The inspiration to write on this particular subject came from the title of one of Ruskin Bond’s short stories, ‘Susanna’s Seven Husbands’, on which the yet to be released Bollywood flick, ‘7 Khoon Maaf’ is supposedly based. Though I don’t know a single detail further about the short story as such, I picked up hints from the promos of the film (of it being a dark comedy, of there being murders of husbands etc. ) to conjure up this amateurish play of words to convey my own imagination of a dark story about Susanna’s seven husbands.

P.P.S. Happy Valentine’s Day. This is the primary inspiration to write about love. It had to be dark because it’s my blog and today I celebrate the first anniversary of my blog.