Where Stuff Gets Rated

Tag: outdoors

These are candles that you put on a birthday cake and, when the birthday person blows them out, they relight. It’s kind of a pain for a birthday cake, but why don’t they use these on those outdoor citronella candles that keep mosquitoes away? I don’t want to leave my mosquito defenses up to the vagaries of something as capricious as the wind. Get on it, Big Citronella. 3.2/5

Hammocks are a maddening conundrum. I’m a huge fan of relaxing and naptime, but in a hammock you can only sleep on your back or it dumps you out on the ground, and if I sleep on my back I will almost immediately snore myself awake. I mean, I guess I could, you know, be less fat, but that would kind of conflict with my pro-naptime, pro-relaxing ethos, wouldn’t it? 2.5/5

As a kid, a trampoline topped the list of things I would have murdered a stranger to have. As an adult…okay, I still really want one, but only I would be allowed on it, because I am a responsible parent and also my daughter is probably only one broken bone away from a visit from Child Protective Services. 4.0/5

I guess this is pretty good if you want to go outside with your shirt off and you don’t want to get cancer, but people who see me outside with no shirt on tend to wish cancer on me anyway, so at best it’s a wash. Plus, some time ago humanity’s top scientists invented a much better sunscreen called “staying indoors.” 2.0/5