Its funny that people think they can say anything to you once you're pregnant. Especially older people. I get......."Twins, do they run in your family?"\"Well, what took yall so long, didnt think you would ever have a baby!""You look like a different person from the waist down, since you're getting so wide now""Wow, you are carrying those babies in your hips"

Hi ladies,I initially began posting in the Feb/Mar board but after a cancelled cycle due to OHSS and a failed cycle in June I moved tithe Summer board. We had another attempt at an FET cycle in 7-20 and had a positive HPT in 7-24. On 7-29 1st Beta was 275 and today 2nd Beta was 1,513. I have to admit I am a bit nervous about the possibilities of multiples but I trust that God would not give us twins if we couldn't handle it. So we are happy with what're God's plan is buy I am still quite nervous. I think the Beta's are a bit high but don't really know for sure. Next Beta is this Friday 8-5 and 1st u/s on the following Friday 8-12. Not sure if I should be joining this board or the "combined group" board because of the EDD is probably in early April. What do you ladies think? And what do you think about the Beta levels? I look forward to gettibg to know all of you.

Hopingforamiracle- you are in the right place and it's never too late! Welcome and congrats!!!

Wehavehope- yay!!!! April is not Winter, but if I could change the name of this board to include all of 2012 due dates I would. The other board is actually 2011 but I think they are all pretty welcoming. Anyway, we'd love to have you here.

What do you ladies think about switching to a new thread for babies due in 2012? I will gladly set it up when I get back in town in a real computer.

I am now having heavy bright red bleeding. I am so overwhelmed with sadness. Nothing i can do. Going home early from work. They will repeat Beta tomorrow instead of Friday. Everything was going so well. What has happened???

WeHaveHope: I bled bright red on three separate occasions . . . once at 6 weeks, once at 8 weeks, and three times in the same day at 10 weeks! Can your RE do an u/s as well tomorrow? They may be a blood clot inside your uterus, irratation on your cervix, or a million other things . . . when you get home, lay down (preferably on your left side) and rest . . . drink lots of water . . . the cramping might be just be from a stomach ache from all the worry . . . don't focus on what you can't do--focus on what you can do . . . rest, water, and try not to worry . . . easier said than done, I know . . . so sorry you have to go through this

DH came how and he is visibly sad but trying hard to keep his spirits up. Mostly, I think he is doing it for me and I love him for that. Deftonesmo-Did you also have the blood clots and cramping? I am so scared. This was alot of blood. I just went to the bathroom a few minutes ago and there is still blood but a bit on the darker red. It is also not dripping like it was initially but i am still having cramping I think that's what it is. The bleedibg has slowed down after expelling what I think were two blood clots. God, I pray really hard that everything is ok. Please, please, let everything be ok. Why does this have to be so difficult? And, God I know others have gone through worse and I know you have a plan, I do. I just wish I knew what that plan was for us. Sorry guys

Not sure if I had clots . . . maybe small ones? Per cramping, I couldn't tell if I was cramping or had a stomach ache because I was sick with worry . . . eventually, the bleeding turned brownish red, then brown, and then stopped. I guess it might be too early for your RE to do a u/s . . . but maybe they can check your cervix for irratation/polyps and to see if your cervix is high and closed? Some peace of mind at least . . . try not to worry =)

It's 5:41am my tune and I have barely slept all night. The bleeding has finally completely stopped. I definantely. Slowed down significantly when I passed what I think were two blood clots, but I am not sure what they were. All night I have cried and then fallen asleep for shorp periods of time to only have vivid dreams that would wake me up. My DH is glad the bleeding has stopped and thinks that this is a positive sign that we are still pregnant and everything is ok. I on the otherhand don't know what to think. I POAS this morning and the electronic HPT said "pregnant". But what does that realy mean at this point? My mind is swimming in a sea of emotions. I think I don't even feel pregnant anymore. Which is so hard for me to even think about and brings me to tears everytime the thought crosses my mind. I am usually a pretty strong and optimistic person. It's one if the things my DH lobed about me. I can always see the positive in almost everything. This is so different. So much different that the BFN's I have had in the past. I guess with those I wad mentally prepared for the result, the possibility of not being pregnant. Even this tine, I remained realistic after 7 or 8 HPT because I did not want to get my hopes up. But when the Beta came back positive and with such a good strong level and then the second one as well, it was very difficult to stay detached from the feeling. I suddenly realized I was truly pregnant and began yo enjoy the moment. How hard it is for me after so many years of TTC to just let go of that feeling. God, I wanted this so much. With every fiber of my being. I feel so hurt because I just feel like it has ended. I am staying home today. I feel so absolutely hopeless I can't possibly be effective at work. I've done nothing but cry all night so my eyes are puffy and I must look like hell. I know I feel like hell. I have my appointment for the 3rd Beya this morning. The wait is going to compound my feeling of dispair. I don't want to have yo wait all day yo find out if we are still pregnant or not. My heart can't possibly take that. But that is out if my control. It's all in Gods hands , it has always been. And I know I have to trust, have faith. Right now, God I am really sorry I am struggling a bit in that department. Please pray for me.

Dear friends,I just got home from my RE's office where they drew my blood for Beta#3. I dat down to speak yo my RE for a while. I was a nervous wreck and barely able to speak without crying. He said that lots of woman bleed early in pregnancy for absolutely no reason and the fact the the bleeding only lasted a few hours with no visible bleeding today was a good sign. He felt that if it was a full blown miscarriage that there would have been alot more heavy bleeding for a longer period of time. For what it's worth he was a bit optimistic that it could be something else. I asked about having an ultrasound today. I old him hay I was fully aware that at 4 weeks/5 das pregnant that i knew we would not ser anything and that I just thought that an ultrsound may be beneficial to ser if anything else is going on. He graciously disagrred and said that an ultrasound at this point would tell Us nothing but that today's numeres were good then we could schedule an early ultrasound next Wednesday at 5 weeks/6days at which point we will probably not be able to see a heartbeat but see a gestational sack. I am so nervous. I haven't slept. I am a complete mess today. My RE was speaking to me the entire time like I could still be pregnant and God, I don't even feel like I am anymore. I know I should have a little more faith than that but it has been so hard to pull myself back together after yesterday. I am trying so hard to kip dome glimmer of hope as small as it may seem but I sm finding it hard to do so. My DH I'd so strong and he remains optimistic but I know inside he is hurting so much. Do today I worry and hurt for him as well. I will not receive the Beta results until about 2:30pm my time and it's now only 9:12am. I have all day to sit here and think and pray. Sending you all lot of love.

Hope: Hang in there. My co-worker was pregnant with IVF triplets when she started to bleed heavily . . . she ended up losing two, but has a beautiful daughter today . . . there is a gal on the 2011 board who was going through a similar beta hell . . . I think she had hope in her name too . . . anyway, her beta stalled, went down, and then rose again . . . she must have been pregnant with twins and one stopped developing . . . she's almost in her third trimester now, if not already . . . hang in there

My dearest friends,The last 24 hours have been the the darkest for me. My DH finally came home from work at about 5:45pm and we both laid down in our bed and cried together. Not to diminish the pain I went through with the last two BFN's but this has been so much more difficult for me. I guess, after the 1st BFN I made a subconscious decision to not get to emotionally involved. Very difficult I know but with the most recent BFN I was so disappointed but I was able to pick myself up quickly and jump right back in. I was disapointed but I don't think I cried like I did with the 1st BFN. I think I had mentally prepared myself just in case. This time I did the same. Even after the multiple positive HPT's I was in complete denial. I did not want to get overly attached to the idea. Then came the positive Beta and with such a strong number. I was actually more concerned with multiples than the possibility of loosing the pregnancy. Then the second Beta seemed to more than double. I think at this point I let the walls down and I became emotionally involved. I had been physically involved of course and I was so happy with the idea of our miracle or miracles that I could not imagine this feeling ever coming to an end. Yesterday was horrifying for me. When I saw the blood I didn't even know what to think. Then I got home and saw these two clots being expelled and in my heart I knew it was all over. I know my RE is hopeful, I know that my DH is hopeful, I know that others on this board are hopeful, and I know that others have experienced the same and now have a baby. But I felt pregnant yesterday, I felt pregnant last week, I don't feel pregnant today. I know it's strange at only 4 1/2 weeks to have felt pregnant but I did. I can't imagine not trying again with 6 frosties waiting for me and at the same time I can't imagine feeling this pain ever again. I know God has a plan. I have faith in that. I haven't lost my faith I am just so hurt and feel so out of control. But i know I never had control. I know that there has to be a reason for what has happened and I know I will probably never know what that reason is. And I know I have only gone through 3 cycles and what about those even on this board that are still trying after 6, 7, or 8 cycles. Or those that have MC much later. I shouldn't complain and I should see that my situation could be so much worse. And I am. I am grateful for what i have and realize that things could be worse. I am grateful and blessed for the wonderful, loving, and strong husband God has blessed me with. I am grateful and blessed to have known motherhood with my 12 1/2 year old son who is my life. And to have been blessed with a wonderful step-daughter and step-son. I know I am blessed. I just wanted to also be blessed with a tiny miracle or two that was a little part me and a little part my DH. In the end I know that us having or not having a baby does not define us or our relationship. In the end my DH and I are each others bestfriends and we will make it through this as we have everything else. In the end our faith and love will guide us an keep us together.Thank you all for your kind posts, your words of wisdom, and hope. And most of all thank you all for your friendship. Even though we don't know each other in person I do consider each and everyone of you my friend and you all hold a very special place in my heart. I wish all of you the best am pray that all of your dreams come true.

Last edited by WeHaveHope on Fri Aug 05, 2011 12:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

WHH: Sounds like you and Dh have a great relationship =) Hang in there =)

Alissa: I like the idea of a "Babies due in 2012" board . . . I was going to start one, but someone had already started a winter board, just I just jumped on in =)

AFM: Boring OB appt yesterday . . . yay! good blood pressure, gained 4 pounds, heard the HB . . . second trimester starts today! woo hoo! doc gave me the green light to resume normal activity . . . DH was SOOOO happy =) the only bummer of the appt: i waited for 30 min to see the doctor and was in the room for 5 minutes total . . . grrrrr . . . I was so hungry! anyway, I have my gender scan on sept 7 . . . second trimester blood screening on august 30 . . . everything came back great from the NT testing, so I hope to continue the good trend =)