Saturday, June 15, 2013

It's funny how our moods work. Silly things make us sad while huge things may not affect us at all. How we store our faith in all wrong/impossible things and then regret about those things later. Funny thing is, we knew their fate already. But still we sulk. Feel sad. Low. Down. Depressed. Happy. Relaxed. Free. Too many emotions. Too many regrets. Of the past or the present.

And the cycle goes on. How some things make us depressed or even heartless. Anyway I think I have been posting a lot of philosophical blogs. So let me not even start with another one.

In other news, Bombay is no longer hot. Monsoon is here. So is the gloomy weather, traffic, potholes and dirt. Come to think if it, I don't like a single season here. Or anywhere. Winter makes my skin too dry, I sweat like a pig during humid summers of Bombay. Monsoon is too gloomy and depressing. And a huge pain if you have to travel as public transport is not easily available.

But the best thing is that a lot of trips happen during this season. Weekends are seldom spent in Bombay. Well, these days I'm never around on weekends anyway. And this has resulted into many arguments too with people who want to ahem spend time with me. I have been away most of the times. With different set of friends each time. And it's been fun so far. Exploring new places. Meeting new people. It gives you a break from the reality.

When I discuss it with my close friends, they say that I'm escaping from the reality. My point is, what's wrong with that? Why is escapism bad if it gives me a peace of mind? I don't care how my Monday looks like so far as my weekends are fun. I don't care if you fight with me because I didn't meet you on weekend or didn't spend time with you when you were free.

I found a picture of a place I was at around this time last year.

Such a blissful place it was. Someone had given me the best news and had made this trip even more memorable for me only to shatter it after I came back. I remember sitting here alone for hours, smiling to myself and lost in dreams. Some moments are never forgotten.

But this picture has given me motivation to go for another solo trip. To yet another destination. And it will happen soon.

Wednesday, June 05, 2013

It's amazing how our mind works. How our emotions work. How we react to the same situation differently at different stages. How we look at a relationship differently as time passes by. How new people enter our lives, and in no time they become an integral part of our lives. And some people who swore to be there forever suddenly disappear. Because of you, because of them or because of circumstances - but they are not there with you anymore. They leave behind a void. At times someone else fills it, at times you fill it yourself or maybe it remains like that for forever.

It's like you talk to someone everyday. About every single thing that happens in your life - happy, sad, confusing, funny, awkward - every damn thing. And one day - whoosh. The comfort is not there anymore. You are alone, completely on your own. The moment something happens the next day, you pick your phone, start typing the text and stop. You suddenly realise that you don't have anyone to text or share the news with.

Funny how you don't even remember how this dependency started. Before him or her, you were perfectly happy doing things without anyone knowing. You had a routine life, without anyone paying much attention to your existence.

One fine day, someone comes into your life, who gives you that special attention you so far never noticed getting from anyone else. You start talking more. You start getting more attention. When you are happy, he/she shares your happiness, when you are sad, he/she makes you smile. It feels great so far as it lasts.

We don't even realise what we do to ourselves when we store our dependency in someone. What happens to us, our feelings when our happiness changes its meaning and becomes a person instead of things or emotions? Why do we create that space that was not there earlier and that we didn't even need? Now that we have created the space, we need to fill it. With the person. It usually starts when you meet your first guy. Once he leaves, you sulk, you are sad, you feel lonely. You have nobody to share your happiness with, nobody to listen to you crib, no punching bag. If you are good looking, this phase doesn't last too long. You find someone else. Repeat the cycle. It's a loop.

But with time, you slowly realise that you need to break this loop. You need to detach happiness from a particular person. Yes, without that too, a relationship can be strong and healthy. And without relationship too, you can be happy. And like everything else, this too is easy said than done. But one has to start somewhere. Then why not now?

Very strange post I know. I had to write something. My thoughts. I have not been able to write. And that scares me. I have managed one whole post today, that's a huge deal. Hope the block doesn't last long.