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Wednesday, March 09, 2011

Remember when State Assemblyman, Sam Blakeslee, too a blood oath to Grover Norquist, you know, the anti-tax-no-matter-what guy who wants government small enough to drown in a bathtub? Yeah, that guy? And Republican Assemblyman Sam, wanting to punch his political ticket and move on up the line, sniggered right down with his fellow anti-tax-no-matter-what fellows and signed the pledge and California and his constituents were left to go hang. His loyalty to Grover was well rewarded. He was given a clear shot at a senate seat and when running told the public that, well, heh-heh, he would promise not to take anymore blood oaths and the Tribune patted him on the head for being a sensible, pragmatic little boy instead of being a Norquistian ideologue.

Bwa-hahahah. What most of the gullible public doesn’t know is that, like the Mafia, once you are wedded to Grover, you never get free. Not if you want to continue as a Republican and continue to stay in office. Grover is like a great big pitcher plant; all the sharp spines in the throat of that flower point downward towards a toxic insect-dissolving liquid at its base. Once the victim enters the flower, it’s trapped and from there, despite great struggles, it’s downhill into becoming the plant’s din-din.

Well, Sam’s no different than a bottle-fly. And being an ambitious man, he sealed his Groverian fate – the pretend pledge not to sign any more pledges was happy wallpaper for the Rubes – and he has now declared that he will stand with his fellow Republicans who are refusing to give voters the right to vote on whether they want to tax themselves to help pay down California’s horrendous debt. They’re refusing to allow the vote because their long Wish List of often extraneous demands will not be met at this moment.

And what are some of these vitally important demands that MUST be met RIGHT NOW or else they’ll let Granny and the pre-schoolers take the full hit of zero services? Well, the vitally critical issue of ending “frivolous lawsuits” and streamlining “cumbersome permit processes.” These are all wonderful reform plans that can wait until the state stops bleeding out on the floor, but apparently Sam has lost the ability to discern the difference between a tourniquet and a Band-aide

Reports the Tribune, poor Lucia Mar Unified School District superintendent Jim Hogeboom sent Sam an e-mail letter pleading with him to support the June ballot allowing voters to vote for tax extensions, noting that without those extensions and/or if good old Sam and his Norquistians won’t support Brown’s proposed budget reductions (reductions plus tax extensions) and instead Brown is forced to balance the budget with all-cuts, his school will take a massive hit, including the loss of “25 full-time intervention and resource teachers and a school nurse,” among other cuts.

Poor Hogeboom. He thinks Sam cares about school kids. He doesn’t understand. It’s not about the state bleeding out, it’s not about doing the practical, the necessary, the pragmatic. It’s all about getting Sam’s ticket punched so he can move on up. This time, if he does what Grover tells him to, he’ll be rewarded by a first class election ticket – straight for Washington, D.C. Senator Sam in the Big Enchilada!

And as for his constituents? As anyone past the age of three knows, those cuts won’t fall on the backs of Corporate or the rich. You know, Sam’s “base.” It will fall on the poor, the sick, the old, the young and, since they’re sinking fast, the disappearing middle-class. People like Mr. Hogeboom’s teachers.

Well, I say, fire ‘em! Everybody knows that greedy teachers (union members, wouldn’t you know) are responsible for tanking Wall Street and bankrupting the State. So, F—k ‘em! They probably voted Sam into office anyway, so they certainly don’t believe in tax hikes or safety nets. I’m betting a whole lot of them are Norquistians as well so they won’t have a problem with any of this. Sure, they’ll lose their homes, which can be snatched up for a song by wealthy speculators. And they’ll lose their medical coverage along with their jobs, but if they’re Sam Republicans, they surely view Obama care programs as evil socialized medicine and should be happy to get shut of it. And being Sam Republicans, they will have absolutely no problem seeing Gov. Brown slash the hell out of Medicaide and Food Stamps, and other useless safety net resources.

True, these newly impoverished teachers might end up actually needing Food Stamps, but too bad. They’ll just have to bootstrap it like all good Norquistian Republicans. And on the up-side, they’ll have plenty of time to home-school their kids once the socialistic public education system is crippled and well on its way to drowning in the bathtub.

So, light it up, Sam. Burn it all down. Then pack your bags. Your ticket’s been punched. Next stop: Sweet, sweet Payback Time in the Big Enchilada. YessssSir! D.C.

Awwww, Gaaawwwww, it’s Zelig Again.

New Times reports that Abel Maldonado, the Zelig of the Central Coast, is “forming a campaign committee to make a congressional run in 2012.” Wanna lay bets he’s hoping that the redistricting that’s going on may end up creating ZeligLand – a second, primarily Republican district that could get locked up permanently? Well, Abel knows how to work a room and just whose elbows to cling to, so I’m sure he’ll do very well indeed. Who knows, he might end up on the same plane as Senator Sam.

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Calhouns Can(n)ons

About the Can(n)ons

Calhoun's Can(n)ons was originally published in 1990 in the (now defunct) Morro Bay, CA, Sun Bulletin, and since 1992 has continued in the various resurrections of the Los Osos, CA. Bay News, Bay Breeze, Bay News, Bay News-Tolosa Press. A few years ago, the Can(n)on was added to the Central Coast NewsMission blogsite. Ann Calhoun lives in Los Osos. You can email her at Churadogs at gmail dot com

To be persuasive, we must be believable. To be believable, we must be credible. To be credible, we must be truthful. Edward R. Murrow

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; the essential is invisible to the eye.Antoine de Saint-ExuperyThe Little Prince

No one is exempt from talking nonsense; the misfortune is to do it solemnly. Montaigne