Schools to arrange pupils in height order

Education Secretary Nicky Morgan has dismissed claims that the Government is planning to oblige Secondary schools to arrange pupils in height order, so each pupil can be taught in an environment where their classmates are roughly the same size.

“Do I look like Michael Gove in a dress? We’re not changing anything. Nothing at all. Nada. I will be making absolutely no changes whatsoever.” she explained.

However before becoming Education Secretary, Ms Morgan has been quoted as saying “Tall children can do more complicated sums. And in any event if we split them up in order of height then things will be far more neat and tidy.”

Shadow education secretary and posh leftie Tristram Hunt has accused the Government of arranging pupils according to height by stealth.

“It’s just a way of introducing a selective school system through the back door. If they have their way everywhere will be like Buckinghamshire that still has Grammar schools for tall people and Secondary Modern schools for short arses. A Labour Governement will throw everyone in together so those of a smaller stature have tall people to look up to and aspire to. Under the Conservative system they’ll think their shortness is normal and won’t have any incentive to grow any bigger.”

Head teachers’ leader Brian Lightman said “If schools are already achieving high standards within a mixed height context, it is surely wrong to make them change because of a political whim.

“Professional decisions like this should be left to teachers. Ideally the tall ones.” he added.