5-Point Strategy for Disagreeing with Your Boss

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Beth Levine is the Principal of SmartMouth Communications and author of Jock Talk: 5 Communication Principles for Leaders as Exemplified by Legends of the Sports World. She was named one of Utah Business Magazine’s "30 Women to Watch” in recognition of her innovative methodology and services and has been featured in Forbes, Harvard Business Review, BBC, and The Wall Street Journal. She has been a guest lecturer at New York University, Dartmouth College, and the University of Utah.

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Have you ever had a different opinion from your boss, and wondered how to voice that without being too brash? Communications expert and Principal at SmartMouth Communications, Beth Levine weighs in on how to navigate this slippery slope the smart way

There is nothing worse than being in a meeting with your boss – one-on-one or with others present – and finding yourself in total disagreement with something she or he has said. It leaves you in distracted-brain mode, frantically calculating whether you can or should openly disagree and, if so, how to do it effectively and diplomatically.

The question of whether to disagree is an on-the-spot judgment call that only you can make. It’s your workplace, your boss – and the situation, the other people involved and the stakes are variables – so the cost/benefit analysis is one that only you can do.

If you decide to take the plunge and choose to openly disagree, here is a 5-point strategy that will ease you into it respectfully:

1. Make sure they know you heard them, and make sure you heard them right. This is basically a process of repeating their point. You want to repeat it not only to validate them, but more to demonstrate you were listening and to be sure you heard correctly (before you wade into the deep waters of disagreeing, you most definitely want to make sure you understood your boss’s point!). To that end, phrases like “If I understood correctly, you’re saying that we … ” or “Let me make sure I got this right, what I heard you say is … “ or “I understand your point, you’re advocating for … ” will be useful.

2. Go to 30,000 feet where you both can see clearly. Rise above the weeds of the conversation and identify a common goal or mutual interest. Usually, this will be something related to the bigger picture of the situation or it will relate to desired results or outcomes. Phrases that will be helpful here are: “We both want to see this happen … “ or “We’re all looking to ensure that we achieve the stated goal … “ or “Clearly we all want the same outcome … “

3. Be deferential. Ask if you can offer another viewpoint. Is this asking for permission? Well, yes, kind of, but the point of asking is to acknowledge the power differential between the two of you. Hopefully, the question will end up being rhetorical, just a courtesy, and your boss will say, “sure, go ahead.” However, if not and they say “no, I’ve made up my mind,” then whew, better to know that before you serve up what’s on your mind! Think of using phrases like these to make that ask: “Is it okay with you if I offer an alternative idea … ?” or “May I make a suggestion for consideration … ?” or “Are you open to perhaps a different point of view … ?”

4. Be cool. Emotion overwhelms words, so keep your feelings under wraps and remain calm. If you have survived points 1 – 3, then you have set it up as perfectly as possible to avoid having your head bitten off. If you can stay cool, you are good to go at this point.

5. Ready, set, go! State your differing point of view, and see what happens. Whatever you do, listen well to your boss’s response. If it’s not the answer or compromise you hoped for, that’s okay. Judge how much more conversation you think you can have with him or her, but whatever you do, avoid escalating the conversation into a back and forth at this point. Let them have the last word. The important thing is that you tried and you did it effectively and diplomatically.

At the end of the day, this 5-point strategy is a play-by-play for you to take the high road. It’s not so much the outcome of the disagreement that matters, it’s that you showed yourself to be a calm, measured, deliberate person who is willing to listen and collaborate. And if that’s the only thing that comes out of your disagreement, that’s not so terrible. It’s actually pretty darn good because a calm, measured, deliberate person who is willing to listen and collaborate is basically a leader.