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If you are pressing/holding the set button on the controller/transmitter then turning the controller on, they pressing/holding the link button on the receiver and turning the ESC on; that is the process for binding the radio and receiver... not calibrating the ESC.

From the XL5 Support page... edited:Transmitter Setup
Traxxas TQ Radio Systems
Before attempting to program your XL-5, it is important to make sure your TQ transmitter is properly adjusted (set back to the factory defaults). Otherwise, you may not get the best performance from your speed control. The transmitter should be adjusted as follows:
1. Set the throttle neutral switch to the 50/50 setting. This adjusts the transmitter’s throttle trigger throw to 50% for throttle and 50% for braking and reverse. Experienced users may wish to use the 70/30 setting if more broad proportional control is desired in forward than with braking and reverse. This might be desirable in a racing environment where reverse is disabled.
2. Set the throttle trim control to the middle “0” setting.
3. Set the Channel 2 servo reversing switch to the left position. Do not change the position of any of the servo reversing switches after programming the XL-5.
4. You are now ready to program your speed control.

(basically reset your controller to factor settings... this is described on the little paper in your remote)

Setup Programming
The XL-5 must be programmed to work with the transmitter. The XL-5 has to learn where the neutral, full throttle, and full brake (reverse) points are located on the throttle trigger. Programming is accomplished by pressing the EZ-Set* button on the ESC in sequence with the signals from the flashing LED. Read through all of the programming steps before you begin.
If you get lost during programming or receive unexpected results, simply unplug the battery, wait a few seconds, plug the battery back in, and start over. The default profile is Sport Mode (Profile #1), which has 100% forward, 100% brakes, 100% reverse. You can change the profile later after setup is complete.

1. Disconnect one of the motor wires between the XL-5 and the motor. This is a precaution to prevent runaway when the speed control is turned on for the first time (before it is programmed). The motor does not run during the programming sequence. If the motor wires are soldered you may leave them connected, but make sure to enter the
programming mode directly (step 4) to avoid a runaway.
2. Connect a fully charged battery pack to the XL-5.
3. Turn on the transmitter (with the throttle at neutral as described above).
4. Press and hold the EZ-Set* button. The LED will first turn green and then red. Once the LED turns red,
immediately release the EZ-Set* button. The red LED will turn off after three seconds.
5. Next, the LED will blink RED ONCE. Pull the throttle trigger to the full throttle position and hold it there.
6. After three seconds, the LED will blink RED TWICE. Push the throttle trigger to the full reverse/brake position and hold it there.
7. Finally, the LED will turn solid GREEN, indicating the programming sequence is complete. The LED continuously shines green indicating the XL-5 is on and at neutral.
8. To turn the XL-5 off, press the EZ-Set* button until the green LED turns off.