My video

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Water Fills The Space It Finds Itself In

Water fills the space it finds
itself in.

When
I recently found myself in an uncomfortable situation where I felt attacked, I
was, at first, drawn into anger, in many of the dimensions of that old and
familiar emotion.Anger seems the first
place I go, when a situation spins out of order and sense.My “buttons” get pushed and I am dragged off
in the direction of my reptilian, crisis oriented brain.

The
dark clouds of raw, untamed, uncivilized emotions and untempered responses
obscure my usual cheery, gentile approach to the daily challenges of life.It is a quick journey to the Dark Side.

I
want to just throw my thunderbolts, and shoot endless rounds of arrows into my
foe, throwing my weight around and relentlessly wage my own private war.

Old
fears show up, ghosts of anxieties past, spurred on by familiar inadequacies,
the voices of old and powerful critics, and the scars of self doubts.

My
rational, more civilized mind, just sits there, paralyzed by all the sabre rattling,
until I can take some deep breaths.I’ll
need to allow myself to listen to my frontal lobes, home of reason, logic, and
good memories of my prior successes in peace making and problem solving.

Slowly,
thoughts of how I am a good problem solver come to mind.I can entertain the idea that challenges in
my life don’t need me inputting launch codes into my own arsenal of
intercontinental ballistic missiles.

I
am capable, I remind myself.And, my
many talents at peace making and problem solving can be applied to the problem at
hand.

I
realize I haven’t faced this particular problem in the past, but I have worked
through things and lived to tell the tale.

I
just need to apply those hard-earned skills into this new challenge.

Filling
the challenge with my own unique abilities is what is needed.I need to be adaptable, flexible, and, yes,
methodical.The reptilian reaction of
anger, rage, and war-making won’t work, and will only lay waste to
relationships and problem solving.

Change
and crisis, and that initial response of anger, spiced with overpowering
feelings of shame, guilt, inadequacy, failure, rejection, jealousy, and
revenge, all stirred up, makes for a toxic cocktail.

Sometimes,
I wonder if I’m addicted to that gut-wrenching response, and those stress
chemicals are my own kind of heroin. Or, am I just a human being, hardwired to
be the cranky alligator awakened from his nap.

Yet,
when I can pull myself away from all that, and let my gut unclench, I can see
the forest for the trees, and I can adapt my problem solving skills, and get to
work.

I
pour myself into the shape of the problem, like water in an ice filled glass,
and fill in the spaces with my skills.Once I take this approach, and take off my armor and lay down my sword,
and pick up my peacemaker tools, the solutions show up, and I can move ahead.

“Let
it go,” I tell myself, pushing away the hot coals of rage and anger.“Give it time and this will play itself out.”

When
I slow down the war talk, and take my time in walking through the battleground,
I do better, and I start even liking myself. I begin to believe that this too
shall pass, and I don’t need to start World War III. Later, that seems a simple
truth.But, in my first response, I just
don’t see it.I’m only the ‘gator in the
swamp.

Life
does that, giving us opportunities to revisit a lesson, and dust off some old
tools. Again, I relearn the lesson and realize that not every affront and
perceived insult calls for my reptilian warrior mode.

“It’s
just life,” I remind myself.“I’ll get
through it, and move on.”

I
can deal with this, and do that work well.

I
come to that, eventually, after I remind myself that I am like water, able to
fill the space I find myself in.

About Me

a photographer, and a student of the beauty of Tillamook County, Oregon. Also a writer, an artist, exploring the gifts of the Muse. I'm working on a book on mentoring young men, and fatherlessness in our culture.
all photos copyright Neal Lemery 2010-2013.