Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Wrestling

I hate the hospital. Being here with Allie and the charming and beautiful Susan leaves me emotionally depleted. I hate to confess it. I'd rather say my courageous faith carries the day. But I wrestle with emotions, faith, attitude, you name it. It's difficult to think of anything to be grateful for here.

Maybe it's a little silly, but since Allie is having treatment done because her hips were out of socket, I've been thinking quite a bit about Jacob's wrestling match and hip injury.

I read through the story in Genesis 32, and discovered that every bit of what he was going through up to the night he spent in celestial smackdown had to do with keeping his family safe while coming to grips with his lack of character God (Gen 32:10) contrasted against God's goodness.

We've seen the goodness and wisdom of God in our lives. He's made himself visible in ways that only he could. Others may look on and not see it, but I have that sense of God's intimate involvement; seeing him face to face.

As I rewind and rewatch the video tape that runs through my brain, I see the wisdom and preparation of God in every significant life event. He is so wise and good all the time.

My life was a whirlwind of decisions and events and travels, but now, we've been suddenly slowed down. Allie embodies blessing, but her handicap has caused us to slow to a limp. We pause, we evaluate, we do what's most important. Jacob didn't choose to be injured; God did it to fashion him into a most useable vessle. This was his reward for surrendering to God.

This scares me when I think about the future. But the lesson I've learned is that up to this point, God has been good and wise. The future will be the mirror image of the past. I just need to have faith for the future.