Wait a damn minute! You tagged Vince’s mom BEFORE I got my piece? That’s bullshit, cause I paid the full ‘First In Line’ prices!

I shoulda known something was up when I was going down on her and found remnants of Spaghetti Os in her vag. I told her I was gonna puke and she mumbled “that’s what the last guy said”. I also thought I saw some corn down there… what the hell did you eat for lunch?!

Last time I was in San Francisco, I was walking down Mission around noon and glanced into an alley as I passed.

There, I saw the dirtiest homeless guy I’ve ever seen in my life, standing in the middle of the alley, pants down around his ankles, furiously jerking off. He locked eyes with me in a furious stare, and before I knew it, the words “oh, sorry!” shot out of my mouth.

The other day, the wife walks in after running some errand downtown, where she had to go to some DMV office or something, and she’s all flustered. I ask what’s up, and she says, she was walking down the sidewalk and came upon two homeless people fucking – this was at like 3pm on a Tuesday apparently – not in an alley, but on the sidewalk of a street in broad daylight – although they had leaned an umbrella on the walk in from of them. So, she hurries past, and down the next street and sees a cop. Wife: “um, excuse me office, but there were two homeless people having sex in the middle of the side walk, right back there.” Cop: “yeah, it happens, what are you gonna do?”

One time they filmed some romantic comedy about flight attendants in our apartment. It involved fake snow and yeah at first it was super cool watching how everything worked and such. Then it got kindof boring when they just kept doing the same thing over and over. Then at like 3 am when all you could still hear the grinding of ice and shooting of the snow machine it became tortur

And there came a day, a day unlike any other, when San Francisco mightiest street lunatics and addicts found themselves united against a common threat. On that day, the Tenderloin Avengers were born—to fight the foes no single bum could withstand!