Monday, April 23, 2007

The confirmation that didn't happen

My daughter was supposed to have been confirmed on may 17th.

She had been taking classes to learn about it, and to know what she was confirming. When she started out, she was quite sure that she was going to be confirmed. Along the way she got to doubt. Didn't really feel that it was real, that it was the right thing to do. She was in doubt.

We talked about it, and I spoke my mind. I told her, that I thought she should only do it, if it was meaningful to her, if her heart was in it.

I don't like it, that kids do the confirmation in church, for the family, the tradition, the gifts and the party. I think it hollows out the ceremony.

I also find it wrong that couples, that don't have a true relation to church and God, chooses to marry in church.

I find it so phony!!

I feel it is a lack of respect to faith and church, and I am not even a believer myself.

I told Bodil, that confirmation is a personal choise. That she should not do it for anybody else - or NOT do it for anybody else. She should look into herself and figure out, if it was the right thing to do.

She did just that, and she is not ready. Maybe one day she will be, maybe not.

The minister came for a visit the other day, to say "see you" to Bodil. Bodil has gotten solo lessons, because the general time was messing with her school schedule, after she changed schools. She is a sweet, warm person, this minister, and expressed very clearly, that she was happy and respected Bodil for reflecting over her choise. She told of lots of young people, going through with confirmation without ever thinking about it - and how difficult it made things for her. She had a hard time putting her heart into her job, with the low level of engagement and refection of most kids. They don't listen and receive, they just sit there, because they have to.

Like me, she thought it was a strong, mature way to act, Bodil actually taking a personal choise.

And of course we are having a party - it's just not a confirmation party, but "Bodils party".