One third-grade boy KIND OF asked Christy Kinney to see a movie with him …

Most elementary students hold their teachers in high esteem. We are at times their “second mom or dad,” caretaker and perhaps an occasional date? One third-grade boy KIND OF asked me to see a movie with him.

Third-grade boy: “Mrs. Kinney? Would you watch a movie with me sometime at the theater?”

Ever have this happen in your house: your kid is beaming with excitement over their new activity/hobby/idea, only to throw in the towel once they figure out they aren’t rock stars at it and that they actually have to practice to be any good? Why does this happen? Because it’s not in most people’s nature […]

Ever have this happen in your house: your kid is beaming with excitement over their new activity/hobby/idea, only to throw in the towel once they figure out they aren’t rock stars at it and that they actually have to practice to be any good?

Why does this happen? Because it’s not in most people’s nature (especially kids) to want to do hard things. But that places us, the parents, in a pickle. Do we make them stick out or do we let them quit? We want to teach them that you have to practice to become good at something, but we don’t want to force a square peg into a round hole and make them stick it out when it’s not their “thing?” It’s quite the conundrum, isn’t it?

Every family has a different way of dealing with this, but in the Hagaman and Stahlmann houses, we have a one semester minimum for a new activity because kids need to spend some time with a thing to figure out whether or not it’s a good fit.

At the root of many of the cries to quit is an unwillingness to work hard, and we need to fight against it. But we, the parents, need to first change our own mindset.

It starts by recognizing that our kids (especially our teens) are incredibly creative and quite capable of crafting inventions and changing the world in all sorts of ways. And when we believe anything less of them, a void can grow inside them that can lead to boredom, depression, unhealthy relationships, addiction and even suicide.

But what if we began to recognize the inherent power and genius inside our kids, and as a result, we started to expect more of them? We if we all started to Free Range Parent our kids? If you read some of Lenore Skenazy’s articles about raising “free range kids,” you may find yourself inspired to join the movement.

But it’s not just parents taking on the challenge to raise their expectations of kids. Young people themselves are crying out for a changed mindset. Take a look at twin brothers and authors Brett and Alex Harris. As teenagers, they wrote the book Do Hard Things, which they describe as “a teenage rebellion against low expectations.” They call it a rebelution, and with their book and popular blog and traveling conventions, they are doing their part to fight against the prevailing caricature of the stereotypical, under-achieving, apathetic, incompetent and impotent teenager.

In their book, the Harris brothers introduce us to a young George Washington, who at the age of 17 was selected to be the official surveyor of Culpeper County, Virginia. For three years, the adults in his life trusted him to measure and record previously unmapped territories. They expected young George to do his job with excellence in spite of the dangers and hardships of the uncharted frontier, brimming with threatening wildlife and potentially hostile natives. They compare that with today’s expectations of teens, which are woefully low in comparison.

So how do we turn the tide? How do we change our mindset to encourage and inspire our young people to accomplish the many great things that they are capable of?

Challenge Ourselves

Let’s challenge ourselves, as parents, to make our kids responsible. Let’s be an example to them by owning our own mistakes and making sure that they own theirs too. Let’s not allow excuses to ever be part of our conversation.

Read

Order the book Do Hard Things. Have everyone in your household read it. Once you’ve finished that one, order every non-fiction book you can get your hands on that is about young people doing incredible things.

Then talk about it! Remember, we are Parenting On Purpose, and conversation is king! It’s through conversation that mindsets are birthed.

Speak Life Over Our Kids

The next time you hear someone complain about teens, say something. Speak up. Confess scripture over your brood. Our teens don’t have to be the one who don’t think clearly, lose their brains, become lazy, rebel or sow their wild oats. The Word of God is alive! God will do His part, but we must do ours.

Assume Strength and Not Weakness

If you follow us for any length of time, as some point, you will hear us discuss the importance of assuming strength in your children, not weakness. Our kids are resilient and strong. And we should show our love for them and our respect for them by making them responsible and wise.

Read a chapter of Proverbs every a day for a month, and then repeat the process for a year. Proverbs is one book that comes with a promise — the promise of wisdom. Your teens will learn how to identify a fool and how NOT to be one. Let’s face it — we all know teens can use some help in that department (don’t even get us started on the stupidity of OUR OWN teen years).

Let’s Challenge Our Kids

Often times many of us look at successful people and assume that they got there simply because they were at the right place at the right time. But, the truth of the matter is that if we dig deep into that person’s life we’ll see the blood, sweat and tears that they shed to get where they are. Figure out what your child is passionate about. If you’re not sure how to do that, we have some blogs that can help.

Once you’ve figured out their passion, challenge them in those areas. Have them create a business or a blog in their field of interest. Encourage them to push themselves to develop stamina. If you challenge them and brainstorm with them, you will be amazed at what comes out.

This Saturday on Parenting On Purpose with Jenni and Jody, we are going to be chatting with a group of young musicians who have embraced their genius and our doing hard things. They’ve written their own music, produced it, done their schoolwork, completed chores on their family farm and all while living teen lives.

Tune in live at 10:00AM on WSRQ Radio. If you’re out of town, you can still listen. Head over to the station website and listen live streaming or download an app to listen on your mobile device.

Jenni and Jody are two moms with nine kids between them (ages 2 to 26). Together they host a weekly parenting radio show, write parenting articles and columns, coach individual families, teach workshops and seminars and speak at conventions and conferences. They are passionate about empowering and equipping parenting on purpose with an emphasis on strong family relationships (loving), raising teachable kids (training), and pointing kids toward their passion and purpose (releasing).

Just how tasty was the fried walleye prepared Sunday by Christy Kinney’s dad? Shelby Colwell says it was ..

During a relaxing Sunday afternoon, my daughter and I met some family down at my parents’ boathouse. My dad fried up some walleye he recently caught during his annual Canadian fishing trip. It was so delicious it got this accolade from my 15-year-old niece Shelby Colwell …

Are SAT or ACT scores important for college admission? Maybe. Does my kid need to be in the top 10% of his class to get into a good school? Possibly. What about extra curriculars and volunteer work; are they really important on a college resume? It depends. Ready for a juicy college prep secret? This […]

Does my kid need to be in the top 10% of his class to get into a good school? Possibly.

What about extra curriculars and volunteer work; are they really important on a college resume? It depends.

Ready for a juicy college prep secret? This is one that you might have never heard, but it could be the single most important thing you do to your child get accepted to the school of her choice.

First Make a List of Top Schools in Your Student’s Field of Interest

Okay, so before I divulge the secret, we have to back up a bit. You’ve got to start by knowing what your kid is passionate about. If you’re not quite sure, take a look at Monday’s post.

Once you know what they absolutely love and the general direction they’re headed in, do a Google search on potential careers in that field. Sit down with your child and talk about it. Once you’ve narrowed it down to a few things, find people in those fields who love their work, and let your kid talk to them.

Then, when you’ve got a handle on a strong potential career path, do a search on “Top Schools for [your child’s potential career].” Look at the schools’ websites with your student and pick out the ones that are most appealing. While you’re on their sites, sign up to receive free information on the school. It’s great to be on their mailing lists.

When Should You Start This? The Answer Might Surprise You!

So what’s a good age to start this search? 11th Grade? 9th? Summer before high school?

Nope. The best time to start this search is right before your student starts middle school!

Why so early, you ask? Because the information you get when you do what I’m about to suggest will help you plan the middle school years to set your kid up for the best opportunities during high school, which will make her the ideal candidate for her school of choice.

The Big Secret Revealed

Once you have your list of top school choices, look up the phone numbers for their admissions departments. Then call them. Don’t email. You’ll only get a stock response if you email. You have to get a human being on the telephone for an actual conversation. I know this flies in the face of our culture’s impersonalized, convenient, texting comfort zone, but a live voice on the other end of a telephone is the key to this secret.

Call in the summer! I’m not sure if it’s because they’re bored in the summer or it’s because they’re just not knee deep in applications at that time of year, but I’ve found that college admissions officers are conveniently chatty in the summer months.

The Script

Here’s the gist of what to say when you call:

“My child is planning to pursue a career in [fill in the blank], and your school is one of her top choices. We’ve still got a lot of time to prepare, and we want to help her become an excellent candidate for your program. Can you tell me more about what kinds of things you look for in the ideal [insert school name] applicant?”

Have a pen and paper handy and write down everything they say.

Stay away from questions about SAT scores and GPA requirements. You can get that information easily with a quick online search. You’re looking for the juicy stuff that will cause your child’s application to bubble to the top.

Over the past few years, Jody and I have spoken with many college admissions officers at many different types of schools, and guess what we found out? Every school is looking for different things!

And you might be surprised to know that colleges are not at all reluctant to share this information. In fact, in our experiences (especially if you call in the summer months) they seem excited to talk about it. And why wouldn’t they be? Colleges are businesses. They have goals and ideals, and most of those hinge upon the kind of students they attract. So why wouldn’t they want to help a student become the perfect candidate for their program?

What was VERY surprising to us was that even within the same major, different schools seem to be looking for very different things.

Example #1 — The Air Force Academy

I have a son who has dreamed of being in the military most of his life. Even as a toddler, he was always out in the yard fighting off pretend “bad guys.” It wasn’t ever our influence. We didn’t really have any close friends or family who were in the military when he was little, and certainly, as a protective momma hen, sending my kid into battle wasn’t my first choice.

But at the end of the day, we have follow the path that THEY were created for, not the one we create for them. I have a cousin who always wanted to fly jets in the Air Force. My aunt wanted no part of it and encouraged him to go to college and then to law school instead. He did, but that thing kept nagging inside him, and today he’s an FBI agent and is certainly NOT living the safe attorney’s life that his mom wanted for him.

So even though I wouldn’t pick the soldier’s life for my son, it’s the desire of his heart, and I am committed to do everything I can to help him reach his goals.

Just before entering 6th grade, we began looking into the military academies. We settled on Air Force because at the time, it had some of the science programs that interested him.

I called the admissions officer, who basically gave me a step-by-step plan to get Seth accepted. When the guy asked me how old my son was, I sheepishly said, “Oh, he’s still quite young.”

“How young?”

With a little nervous giggle I answered, “Well…he’s going into 6th grade.”

“Oh no mam. He’s not too young. He’s in the Class of 2020, and this is the right time to get him registered on our website.”

Since then, Seth has received packages from the Air Force Academy about twice a year with information to encourage him on his journey. Middle school is an important time of discovery and preparation. For example, the Air Force Academy requires at least pre-calculous, but prefers calculous. In order to achieve that level of math, we HAD to start pre-algebra in 6th grade.

Now, as we followed the Air Force Academy plan, Seth began to realize that his true love is film making. He’s even learned that there are filmmakers in the military, but none of the academies seem to have programs suited for this. So we’ve since switched gears. We did, however, find an excellent film school that also has an ROTC program. So that is where we are headed, but nothing that we’ve done to prepare for the Air Force Academy has gone to waste. It has all been a huge benefit academically and physically (they require a very high level of physical fitness).

The bottom line — preparing for your child’s top choice school is NEVER a waste, even if they switch gears in the process!

Example #2 — Music School

My older daughter wants to be vocal recording artist. She sings at the Sarasota Opera House and has appeared in seven operas and is cast in a lead role in this fall’s production of The Hobbit. She sings on our church worship team and at open mic nights around town. She studies music theory and plays three instruments. Music is clearly her passion.

Her first choice school is The New School for Jazz and Contemporary Music in Manhattan. When I spoke with them last summer, I found out that their audition process is the single most important admissions factor. But, I also learned that they offer an annual audition workshop to help applicants prepare for the best audition possible, and they encourage applicants to come every year through high school.

Had I waited until later in high school to make that call, or not even called at all, I would have never known about the one thing that could mean the difference between acceptance and rejection.

Next summer, as a rising junior, she’ll also be able to attend a vocal intensive summer program at The University of the Arts in Philadelphia (one her top five schools), where she’ll meet faculty, work with successful artists and gain experience that will dramatically boost her admission prospects at almost any school. Again, had I not spoken with an admissions officer there, I wouldn’t have known about this important opportunity.

This Saturday at 10:00AM, we’re going to talk a lot more about this, particularly about some of the unusual things we’ve heard that could dramatically boost a college applicant’s chances of being accepted. Don’t miss it!

Sarasota folks, tune in live on 1220AM, 106.9FM or 98.9FM. Everyone else, head over to the WSRQ Radio website and listen live streaming or download their mobile app to listen on the go.

Jenni and Jody are two moms with nine kids between them (ages 2 to 26). Together they host a weekly parenting radio show, write parenting articles and columns, coach individual families, teach workshops and seminars and speak at conventions and conferences. They are passionate about empowering and equipping parenting on purpose with an emphasis on strong family relationships (loving), raising teachable kids (training), and pointing kids toward their passion and purpose (releasing).