Key Concepts

Syndication

I’ve had a relationship for over 6 years and have been alone for years both before and afterwards and have some had smaller relationship experiences before and after, too. It seems to me that on average the level of happiness in a relationship is not necessarily higher than when being alone.

Being in an relationship I definitely experienced many highs, which were very enjoyable but also lows which I did not experience when being alone. I was less in control of the situation but was faced with many challenges and opportunities for spritual growth. I could not choose to “slack off” but was consistently being pushed forward.

Being alone I experienced less highs and lows but a more consistent level of happiness instead. I was more in control of my life and could determine my own rate of spiritual growth. On the other hand I received less random inspiriations and I had to push myself to maintain a consistent rate of spritual growth.

I suspect this difference applies to other external things, such as children or a career, you choose to focus upon on as a source of happiness, too. You are less in control and you will have more highs and lows and usually more challenges, too.

Altogether, I would say one type of experience is not necessarily better than the other, just different, both with advantages and disadvantages for happiness and spiritual growth.

Of course, with the right partner I’d imagine you could reach some very great levels of happiness. But that would be because you’d be pushing each other to grow spiritually, not because of the relationship per se. Happiness is namely a result of spiritual growth, not a set of circumstances you are either in or not in. Great spritual growth and thus happiness can also be achieved alone as seen by Tibetan monks and yogis, for example.

So I would say that it is an illusion to believe that you need to be in a relationship for happiness, as often portrayed by the mass media. On the other hand of course it is equally an illusion to assume that the only avenue for spiritual growth is to live alone, as suggested by some religious texts.