My economic stimulus check will put Franz Kafka on my arm

Sometime in the next couple of days, weeks, or whenever, my wife and I are going to receive a nice little chunk of change from our ol' buddy Dubya. Of course, it's our patriotic duty to use that money to stimulate the American economy...by buying things made in China, Japan, and Korea.

Well, we're going to buck the trend a little bit. Part of our money is going to go into our savings account at Chase bank, where it will be waiting for us when we finally make the move to another apartment. First and last month's rent, moving costs, and various incidentals should probably come to somewhere around $3000, which we're working on putting aside, bit by bit.

Part of our economic stimulus check will also go toward the purchase of a love seat. When we moved from Southwest Virginia, we decided to get rid of our decrepit old couch and disreputable futon, figuring that our apartment wasn't really big enough for our huge furniture. Now, a year later, we have discovered that a cozy couch makes movie night a lot more fun. Right now, we're looking at a few of Ikea's snazzier models, hoping to find one that is strong enough to outlast my daughter, Georgia "Three Hurricanes" Watson. A lovely kid, her charm is only outstripped by her destructive power.

While it's all well and good to give some of our money to the bank and some of our money to Sweden, we also feel obligated to keep a little bit of our dough moving through American hands. With that in mind, part of our economic stimulus check will go to pay for my Father's day gift: a cool tattoo of Franz Kafka. I'm going to base it on Andy Warhol's Kafka prints, and will probably put it on the upper part of my right arm, where it will nicely offset the George Orwell tattoo that sits on the same place on my left arm. I will use a local tattoo artist, which means that, hopefully, some of our government payback will continue to circulate through the local economy, paying for sneakers, t-shirts and the occasional empanada!

Bruce Watson is a freelance writer, blogger, and all-around cheapskate. In all likelihood, the tattoo artist will end up sending his money back home to the Dominican Republic.