Winner Winner Herpes Dinner

Paris Hilton began her DJ-in-residence at Harrah's Atlantic City this past week. It's kind of like when Stephen Hawking becomes a resident scholar for a semester at M.I.T., if Hawking had a lazy eye instead of Lou Gehrig's disease. Not only is Paris raking in $100,000 a night to run parties by the pool, but she also cleaned up at the blackjack table to the tune of fifty grand. She posted a picture of her winnings on Instagram, as if just wishing you had mad DJ skills and a teenaged boyfriend like Paris Hilton wasn't enough to covet. It's unclear what Paris intends to do with her recent windfall, though her herpes charity, Get Your Blisters Off My Business, seems certain to receive a sizable cash infusion.