Saturday, September 02, 2006

It's that time of year again!

I love September! It's my favorite weather month. And it's my birthday month! Love late summer/early fall. The angle of the sun changes, and you start to feel the onset of crisp nights and pleasanly warm days. Love it! Today was the first day I noticed that this year. It struck me as the light shone through the window of our upstairs hallway.

It was the same feeling I felt on the morning of 9-11-2001. I noticed the angle of the sun had changed as I was walking onto the floor of the hospital where I worked. The light was flooding the hallway from one of the patient rooms. Beautiful morning light... I will never think of that good feeling without the bittersweet thought of that day again.

It just makes my heart sink to think about how my most favorite time of year is now tainted with the memories of that awful time. As we approach the 5 year anniversary, I realize that it's really not getting easier to deal with. It doesn't consume me... but it's there. Every day, it's there. And I can' t believe how much this disaster affected me even though I don't personally know anyone who perished that day... I only witnessed their murders. It brings me back to the "what can I do to change the world" ideas... and again, I come up with nothing. I can only hold my babies and try my best to protect them.... that's all I know how to do.