Baseball

05/18/2011

The Tiny Mind Gazette is proud to be showing Christoper Harting's newest microMovie, "Practice Makes Perfect." The full-featured 1:06 minute, epic adventure features a cast of relatively unknowns engaged in a spring baseball practice. Critics have compared Harting's latest work to other sports movie classics such as Hoosiers, Brian's Song and the critically acclaimed, Catcher in the Rye(see movie still, below). Harting describes his latest masterpiece as, "Spring training plus words of wisdom – at one frame per second."

04/03/2011

What’s with all these youth town leagues and travel squads and all-star teams and blah blah blah? Whatever happened to kids playing in the park for Heaven’s sake? This really gets me steamed. Back in my day, all we needed was a stick and a ball to be happy. Hell, we didn’t even need a ball. Just a stick.

And you know what? There was never a grown-up to be found in my neighborhood—on or off the field now that I think of it—but we still had fun anyway.

Call me old school, but I say it’s time to get back to the basics. So here are my rules for keeping your sanity during endless seasons of youth sports. Common sense is timeless, to quote Hans-Georg Gadamer (or maybe it was Roger Clemens… whatever).

1. BRING THE FREAK’N ORANGESWhen my Jimmy is out there running his cleats off trying to beat Concord (do those kids ever lose?), he’d like an orange or two at the break. So if you sign up to bring them, bring them. How hard is that? No trash bag needed though. It’s always nice to leave a reminder or two behind for those gracious victors.

2. JUST ONE SPORT, PRINCESSMake the kid focus on one sport, and that’s it. Who the hell wants to travel to swim meets and field hockey games and cheerleading practice? Waste of time. So I only have a tennis racquet in the house for my daughter. She hates tennis, but hey, that’s her decision right? I don’t want to get in the way.

3.NO CHEERING FOR THE OTHER SIDEI don’t care if they’re better sports than Brian Scalabrine, never, ever cheer for the other team. No exceptions. When their kid goes down, no polite clapping to show support. Do what I do: Yell out, “How much time is left, ref?” or, if you’re winning big, “What’s the score again?” Keep your head in the game.

4. DON’T FOLLOW SO CLOSE ALREADYSo you’re driving four towns over on Route 128 and you’re first in the going-to-the-game caravan behind the coach. It’s OK to stay back a couple feet, really. It’s not like you’re in a line of tanks on the road to Somalia or some place like that place. Christ, back off and leave room for the Holy Ghost at least.

5. KEEP SCORENone of this “everybody gets a trophy” and “let’s not keep score” baloney. Do I get a promotion every time I deserve one? No. Do I get a raise at the end of the year like I should? No. Do I get the right respect for having stayed 20 years on the job? No. Am I bitter?

Here’s my point: When your 7-year-old-and-under boys travel soccer team beats the bejeezus out of “Team X” (Concord) for the first and probably only time before you’re dead and buried, shout out that score loud and clear! You’ll want the world to know, believe me.

Buzzy Hayes has been a fixture on the local sports scene for more than 30 years. Personal achievements include a game-high 8 points vs. North Cambridge Catholic in 1973 and being the final roster cut on the 0-11 Boston College football team (he was not a student at the time.) Married with four or five children, he is currently assistant to the assistant manager at Modell's in Newton, Mass.

08/10/2010

10. German exchange student has been secretly living in Television
Series section of Wapatusset video store for past three weeks, studying accents
of Thurston Howell the Third. His disappearance was a simple miscommunication
due to confusing accent.

6. Youth baseball coach admits: “If it weren’t for my dedication
to the sport, my uncoordinated, 10 year-old would be riding the pine for the
entire (30 games in 37 days) travel season just like every other uncoordinated
10 year-old on my team.”

5. Limes are garnish of choice for summer cocktail season.
Olive use increases during autumn and winter months, experts say.

4. Domestic violence and dangerous gunplay increases within
homes where home schooling is education option of choice.

3. The Deadliest Intersection: demented highway expert sees
limiting traffic lights as a way of “culling the herd”.

2. Scientist fears
that regular iPhone texting may cause human mutation of hands to bird-like
talons—and has iPhone photo to prove it. “Bird Boy” to travel to schools
throughout state to tell his harrowing tale.

1. Thanks to clever document reimaging, body waxing, and facial
hair electrolysis, 24 year-old, second baseman is able to successfully join 10
year-old team, forcing coach’s son to sit on the bench throughout entire
weekend tournament.

08/02/2010

A summer book review by Wapatusset Youth Baseball
& Softball League (WYBSL) commissioner and head baseball coach, “Stitches”
O’Williams. Stitches recently spoke to Wapatusset’s graduating class of 2010
with his forty-minute keynote rant, “Strike Out in Little League, Strike Out in
Life.”

Now that the summer youth baseball season has drawn
to a close (37 games in 30 days), Annie Savoy-O’Williams and I park our lawn
chairs in centerfield and catch up on our summer reading. For this year’s
off-season analysis and breakdown, we have selected a triple-header of titles: a
classic, a classic rivalry, and a book addressing an alternative
(non-baseball-centric) lifestyle.

Nan Flanders(file photo)The title drew me in like a suicide squeeze but left
me feeling three runs down in the bottom of the ninth. Despite the catchy
title, this supposed literary masterpiece was a no-hitter in my scorebook.
Expecting to read excerpts from classic plate-keepers like Johnny Bench, Roy Campanella
and Yogi Berra, I was left with the field of dreams rants of
outfielder-in-life, Holden Caulfield. Slide this knuckler to the bottom of the
order and search for a pinch-hitter. Three strikes and this dribbler is O-U-T,
out!

This piece of nonfiction
discusses the most significant Indian victory prior to October 2, 1938 ,
when Cleveland Indian pitcher Bob Feller set a modern major league record of 18 strikeouts against the Detroit Tigers.

Feller, Chief Wahoo, 1972 Oakland A's, Rollie Fingers, George Armstrong Custer The story takes place several
spots in the batting order prior to the days of the white-shoed and mustachioed
1972 Oakland Athletics team. George Armstrong Custer—who knocked the sox off the
establishment with his personal alterations to the classic uniform and his
fondness towards facial hair of bush league proportions. There is plenty of hit-and-run
action in this book and Philbrick’s attention to detail really throws this one
around the (Little Big)horn.A grand slam of Ruthian
clout. Slide into your local bookstore and bring this one home!

As a lifelong proponent of crisp white uniforms and
hair that is trimmed around the ear, I picked up this title with slight
trepidation. However, I feel that it is often necessary to strike out and
explore the other lineup card. Also, my online trading card business remains on
the DL in this slumping economy. I’ll trade any marketing advice even if it
comes from one of San Francisco’s (musical) Giants.

Scott and Halligan (the
best one-two combination since Ortiz and Ramirez) have hit a round-tripper with
this literary diamond. The book is well-pitched and efficient and an easy
nine-inning read. Play ball!