Look at how Helen Mirren outclasses everyone on this carpet, as it should be.

Anyway, Jessica Biel is married now so... I guess that’s why she’s dressing like she’s 50. Compare what she looks like with Scarlett Johannson, age 27. Scarlett is exactly 27, if not even more youthful. And Mrs Timberlake is easily 15 years older.

Kirsten Dunst in this beaded Oscar De La Renta pantsuit probably could have made it work without borrowing from an old-moneyed socialite. The problem with Jessica Biel is that she thinks she has more steeze than she actually does. And this is what happens.

They’re all here of course for the premiere of Hitchcock which is being pushed on everyone like it’s a showcase for Biel and Johansson when, really, it ended up being cut to focus around Mirren and Anthony Hopkins. Click here for the trailer and to read an earlier article about Biel’s seeming irrelevance in the film, given that we see her for all of half a second in the trailer.

Still, as you’d expect from her, given that she thinks of herself as an elite actor, she’s talking like it’s some kind of added glory on her resume. Biel plays Vera Miles and in preparation for the role, she wanted to speak to the real-life Ms Miles but was turned away as the retired actress is intensely guarded and will not compromise her privacy, something Jessica claims they have in common...

What?

That is, indeed, what she said:

"Vera Miles wasn't interested (in talking to me)... Vera is alive and did not want to speak to me because she doesn't have a public life and is not interested in a public life. I don't think that was an insult to me but her grandson was available and so I picked his brain for hours. He's married and was very nice and (a) very respectful guy, and he was very unsure about me at first. He is very protecting of his grandmother, but he was the best historian on her career and who she was at the time of Psycho. Her life is exactly what she wanted. I feel it's very challenging to have a private life. It's been very hard for me to have any sort of privacy in life. I get that it's a balance you have to try and create but it's very hard."

I’m sorry, didn’t we all just see Justin Timberlake jumping on Jessica Biel’s head at their Italian wedding on the cover of PEOPLE Magazine?

Yes, I imagine it would be challenging to have a private life when you sell photos of one of the most private days of your life to a weekly magazine, and, before that, called the paps through the course of your courtship and engagement. But by all means, carry on. Carry on, as celebrities do, always, always unchallenged. It’s easy to convince yourself of a lie when no one is around to tell you you are Full.Of.Sh-t.