Monday, August 8, 2011

Newer Crap: Horrors of War (2010)

War is hell...and surprisingly-dull. Today's film is a low-budget, sci-fi/war film that somehow got a DVD release. I only even discovered it as a trailer on another film (Bloodrayne 3, I think). So what is the plot? A group of WWII soldiers go behind enemy lines (no, not that series) to take out a Nazi scientist. What is the guy up to? Well, that would be SPOILING things...which I'll do right now. His plan involves creating zombie super-soldiers. Sweet! There's no way that this film could be disappointing. Oh right- I already saw it and know that it actually is. My bad. I should also mention that this movie's plot involves a werewolf or two- another winner. While I'm sure that 98% of you have not heard of the film, I'll help out the 2% that might be curious. Hide your German women as we prepare to face the...

Faster than you can say 'Technical Design School Ad,' a CG plane drops some guys into a battlefield to take out some Nazis. They're not quite inglorious though.

Hey look- a werewolf! This scene sure is neat. Oh- it's over already?

Just go back to your nature hike, Mr. Werewolf. This period drama involving generic characters bickering in front of jeeps will carry itself.

We've got those zombies to look forward to. I sure that they don't just look like burn victims on steroids...

...okay, they kind of do. Here's the super-zombie from the final battle, using make-up work right out of the original Swamp Thing movie. That was made in the mid-80s by the way.

Nearly 80 or so minutes into the film, we get the battle of the century- Werewolf vs. Super Zombie. The result- disappointment. I won't SPOIL it directly, but you won't be pleased.

Fortunately, we get the battle of (Nazi) Super Zombie vs. (U.S. Soldier ) Super Zombie. Yea...that's alright too. The movie just kind of ends after that, since closure is for pussies! The End.

War- what is it good for? The plot of this movie has promise, but fails to deliver on most of it. Consider that the film involves WWII, Nazis, zombies and werewolves. How does this movie fail? The pacing is way off, the creatures play very little part and the characters are just not all that interesting. Around the halfway point, we are suddenly introduced to a whole new batch of people to replace the cannon fodder killed in the first half. Of course, I can barely remember a thing about them! The one I do remember is the Lieutenant who threatens some Germans whose house they occupy for the night and who apparently rapes the younger one, leading her to try and kill him in the morning! Yeah, that happened. Did the plot move forward because of this? Not in the slightest. Ultimately, this is a neat collection of ideas done by people that couldn't quite do anything with them. I love that movies like this get made...I just wish that they would be made by better people.

Next up, we get a real battle- two dead serial killers going one-on-one. If you love terrible jokes and almost no plot, you're in luck! Stay tuned...