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Thursday, December 18, 2014

Being pregnant is stressful for any woman. The dynamics change when you are not carrying your baby, entrusting it to a surrogate. This collaborative effort to bring a baby into the world is very emotional for everyone involved. With so many people involved, you need to remember a few key elements when you are going through the process.

Trust is key. Not blind trust, but the core feeling that everyone involved has the same goal. The agency, the surrogate and you are all working together so that in a few months, you will be proud parents. This is why the interview process is so important. You want to be comfortable with the woman who is carrying your child.

Communication is important. Talk to your surrogate about the level of communication that you would like to have. Remember that the surrogate has a busy life and may not be able to get right back to you. On the other hand, when your surrogate contacts you, make sure you answer.

When receiving texts and emails, try not read more into it than what is there. When everyone’s emotions are running high, it is very easy to misinterpret words on the screen. Take a moment and breathe when you feel anxious or stressed when responding.

You have to be flexible. The due date is not a definite date, but it’s more like a moving target. Yes, it will be inconvenient when you cannot make absolute plans because you do not know when your baby will be born. Being able to adapt during those final few weeks will keep you from going crazy. Welcome to parenting. Remember that you cannot control everything. Your surrogate may not do everything you expect. Things will not happen when you want them to.

As the due date gets closer, many expectant parents worry over bringing a child home. Even if you have planned and dreamed of the day, it can be scary knowing that you will be responsible for this little bundle of joy. Understand that a lot of what you are feeling is quite normal, even though you are not actually pregnant. Give yourself permission to experience your emotions and feelings, but do not let them overwhelm you.

Find a confidant, therapist, or minister who will help you work through your feelings so that you do not become hostile and anxious with the surrogate. Remember her generosity and that her body is undergoing many changes because of the baby. In addition to the emotional upheaval, your surrogate is fatigued, hormonal, and ready for it to be over too. Think before you speak and be kind with your words. Know that at the end of the journey, you will have a beautiful baby thanks to this gracious individual.

If you are struggling with infertility and would like to know more about surrogacy click here.