New Quiz: Do You Forgive and Forget?

Are you big on forgiveness? I know that a lot of religions and belief systems place a huge importance on forgiveness, but I think it’s more interesting to look at forgiveness from a psychological point of view. There have been studies that show that forgiveness is good for us – it makes us healthier and happier. However, there are also some people that think unconditional forgiveness can perpetuate authoritarianism and abuse. So is forgiveness not all it seems?

I’m not sure how I feel about forgiveness completely, but I generally think it’s good to let go of what others have done to you – even if that isn’t technically forgiving them. I assume that most of the positive psychology studies about forgiveness are focusing on the “shelving” of the past and wrongdoings. As far as forgiveness perpetuating an unhealthy dynamic, I suppose that depends on whether you are changing boundaries and relationships before you forgive… or just forgiving blindly.

Anyway, I thought this would be an interesting topic for a quiz, and maybe even a discussion about what the concept of forgiveness means to all of us. I’m still figuring it out myself, but I do think there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting… and forgiving and not forgetting! How about you? Do You Forgive and Forget? Let me know what you get on this quiz and think of this topic.

Discussion topics (Comment below and let me know any or all of these):

15 replies on “New Quiz: Do You Forgive and Forget?”

Life’s too hard to hold grudges, so you try to get over being wronged as quickly as you can.
Those around you may or may not deserve your forgiveness, but you deserve the peace of letting go.

Of course, if someone wrongs you enough, you may not allow that person in your life any longer. But you will still try to forgive.
For you, forgiving is about moving on and wiping the slate clean… not about letting someone hurt you over and over again.

In general, you wish we lived in a more compassionate and merciful world. You do believe that most people can change.
Some may consider forgiveness a sign of weakness, but you know that it is often the strongest move you can make.
It is true, but sometimes I don’t forget! You can’t help it! No matter what, you will still remember at least SOME of what happened, positively or negatively! It really just depends on the person, I guess. And sometimes it is really hard, but there are stuff you need to hold on to because you can’t forgive, but you can use it to become a stronger person.

2. I rely on my intuition: If I sense that is a person is sincere I will forgive them. I may put up some emotional barriers until I’ve seen that they’ve really committed to change (if change was needed), but I understand that it can be hard to change and my forgiveness is not (necessarily) contingent on them doing so. Sadly, It is my experience that admitting wrongdoing and seeking forgiveness is rare, so when people have gone out of their way to make amends I appreciate it, even respect them for it.

3. I think, sometimes, a refusal to forgive is a sign of healthy self-worth. For example, if someone was raped, who am I to tell them to forgive their rapist? Forgiving too readily can also remove the impetus some people may need to change. They will continue, child-like, to engage in behavior that hurts others. If a person wants forgiveness, I think there ought to be sincerity and an intention to not repeat the harmful act. That said, I do think it is good to forgive in most cases, if only so negative feelings do not weigh you down.

4. You sometimes hold a grudge. I guess it is true, but cases are rare. I can think of only one person who I hold a grudge against that didn’t commit a heinous crime, and that is because she mistreated me for years with no sign of remorse. I have a bit of a hot temper but my anger rarely lasts long. Even if I don’t actually forgive a person (because they never asked for it), I have little interest in wasting my energy on a grudge.

I really like your analysis here! I agree that someone asking for forgiveness is so rare in our world that I pretty much automatically respect someone more for doing so. I hadn’t thought much about it, but it’s very true 🙂

1 & 2. I got “You Forgive and Forget”, but I really think it’s more I drop it and move on, really. (If I just wait, it will be such a long time ago, and who wants to carry around heavy luggage? But I only really forgive if they apologize and don’t do whatever it was any more. :))

3. Yes, if you forgive someone–don’t consider their actions in your future interactions–who hasn’t apologized, who isn’t sorry, and who is going to do it again, you’re being foolish. Who was it that said that insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results?

1. You Forgive and Forget. Yes, very true. I’m a very forgiving person haha
2. It’s important..staying mad for a long time is dumb and not healthy. I’m usually quick, unless I’m super upset
3. I think so..like forgiving abusers only for them to keep getting abused
4. You Sometimes Hold a Grudge. I suppose I can, if I really got upset..

1. Forgive and Forget. Life’s too hard to hold grudges.
(I give the benefit of doubt and always choose to work on myself instead of others but if a person is too inconsiderate of me, I certainly don’t seek their company. Why would I?)
Some may consider forgiveness a sign of weakness, but you know that it is often the strongest move you can make.
2. I move on quickly I think.
3. Forgiveness is more about freeing yourself rather than a gift to someone who doesn’t deserve it. I don’t see a downside to my being free of stress and hate.
4. Don’t. (If anything, I might feel a little sorry for myself if people treat me badly but getting angry and staying angry is a different thing.)

1. You Forgive But Do Not Forget
2. It’s good, usually. I’m usually reluctant to forgive (especially with teens and more so adults) but I try to let it go (it used to be easier)
3.Being too forgiving can give bad people a free pass. Those who claim to be forgiving are not to be taken seriously being claiming it doesn’t make it true
4. You Sometimes Hold a Grudge