Ann Widdecombe

THIS is the last report I shall be sending from inside the Celebrity Big Brother House. We are now in the last week with the final this Friday and I am surprised but very pleased to have made it to the last five. We are becoming demob happy.

he young have been urging Amanda and me to get into the Jacuzzi or, as I call it, the pond

All through the programme the young have been urging Amanda and me to get into the Jacuzzi or, as I call it, the pond.

We have resolutely refused.

No way does one exhibit oneself to the nation in a bathing costume at our age.

Then one evening, after we had retired leaving the others to their frolics, we had a bright idea.

Why not dress up as frogmen and join them when they were least expecting it?

We abandoned the idea of frog suits in favour of black leggings and T-shirts, which Big Brother agreed to obtain, and went forth with our nightdresses over the top to pour scorn on those in a tepid hot tub on a January night.

Jeff Spicer/Getty

The show is strictly for the young and the retired with nothing to lose

When we suddenly took off our night attire and jumped in, the reaction of shrieks and squeals must have justified the costs of our outfits.

Whatever else that small pond is, it is no Jacuzzi.

I could not feel any whirlpools or jets. It is merely a mini swimming pool, provided for the purposes of social activity.

The end being in sight, reflections and reminiscences fill conversation, so I suppose this is as good a time as any to ask whether I am glad or otherwise that I finally, after years of saying no, agreed to take part.

I shall not know the final answer to that question until I see what has been shown.

I shall not bother reading commentary as I shall make up my own mind about the wisdom or folly I demonstrated in taking part but whether or not I was deceived when promised that this Celebrity Big Brother would depart from the usual tawdry formula I will eventually find out from what was broadcast.

It has, however, been a vastly better experience than I had expected.

There has been a great deal of profanity and unedifying conversation but, by and large, I have managed to peel off from it.

When I was in the House of Commons we had a favourite phrase when deciding if we trusted somebody, whether friend or adversary. We would say: “I would go into the jungle with him” or “I wouldn't mind if he was next to me in the trenches.”

I would go into the jungle or the trenches with 90 per cent of the housemates I have met here but would I go into the jungle with Big Brother himself? Now that might be quite a different proposition.