Swanning it up in England

Annual census is just part of the pomp and pageantry along England’s fabled River Thames

Counting swans.

Banks are nice places to have a peaceful pint. Upping and downing go hand in hand. On weekdays, even in midsummer, the riverbanks of the River Thames are tranquil. Dragonflies hover over the wash. Ducklings bob in the bow waves of their mother. An asthmatic jogger puffs by. The tranquillity is suddenly shattered by shouts of “all up,” “get them in,” “one for the Dyres” and “Queen’s pen.”

From downriver come great grunts of exertion, and around the bend come six skiffs containing a dozen or so oddly dressed men, some with feathers in their hair.

“The Swan Uppers” have arrived for their yearly visit. And they have royal approval.

Once a year (July 14-18 this year), the rivermen and lightermen of the Thames journey down its length from Sunbury to Abingdon. Everything on the river pulls in to the bankside and gives way to the pomp and pageantry.

The Swan Upping pageant has right of way, as it has done for more than 600 years.

The Queen’s swans and fluffy grey cygnets must be counted and their ownership confirmed. Things have not changed very much over the years apart from the sun block, the sunglasses, the odd voguish ponytail and the motorboats. Before the invention of the outboard motor, the Swan Uppers had to row all the way.

When swans were first introduced into Britain (probably from Cyprus around the 13th century) they were very rare and considered a great delicacy in the kitchens of the nobility. In the 15th century, they were proclaimed royal birds and the reigning sovereign was and still is, Seigneur of the Swans. Ownership of all the swans on the Thames is divided between Her Majesty the Queen and two of the oldest trade companies in the City of London, the Dyers and the Vintners.

The Vintners and Dyers were granted the privilege of swan upping in the reign of Elizabeth I. Their Swan Masters wear special gold- braided uniforms and their assistants are dressed in striped jerseys. Up until 1998, swans belonging to the Dyers Company were recorded by one nick on the bill and those of the Vintners by two. Now they are ringed on the left foot. The royal birds are not ringed at all. The man in charge is the Queen’s official “Swan Marker” who wears a scarlet blazer with brass buttons.

July is a busy month for the Thames. There is the annual Royal Henley Regatta, which goes back to 1839. July usually sees the annual Traditional Boat Rally, in which 200 boats of every shape imaginable take to Fawley Meadows, Henley and compete for prestigious awards. Unfortunately this year it is cancelled due to flooding.

The swan upping ceremony is followed by a flotilla of boats.

You can hire a pleasure boat for the day or half-day or the week. The flotilla sails through four counties (Middlesex, Berkshire, Buckinghamshire and Oxfordshire) and navigates 14 locks.

Following in the wake of this colourful tradition is a wonderful way to see southern England and witness an important part of British heritage — as well as visiting some historic Thameside pubs and hostelries like The Swan at Pangbourne or the 19th-century Beetle & Wedge pub (named after a utensil for splitting wood) which was the former home of writer Jerome K. Jerome, who wrote Three Men in a Boat (1889).

Church Cottage in Pangbourne was the home of Kenneth Grahame, a Scotsman and a former secretary of the Bank of England who wrote The Wind in the Willows. Grahame died there in 1932.

Grahame coined the phrase: “There is nothing, absolutely nothing half so much worth doing as simply messing about in boats” and thought that “the best part of a holiday is not so much to be resting yourself as to see all the other fellows busy working.”

Swan upping is now largely just a ceremonial occasion, but it does help raise awareness of swans, promotes conservation issues and educates people about the river. It is certainly a very social week and one of the best ways of exploring the history of the River Thames.

The first day ends at Eton College Boathouse, Windsor, where you can visit Christopher Wren’s house, now a hotel. At Romney Lock, the closest lock to the royal residence at Windsor Castle, the loyal toast is made to “Her Majesty, the Queen; The Seigneur of the Swans.”

Last year, Queen Elizabeth attended the ceremony for the first time in her reign.

The second day, the swan upping fleet moors up at Marlow and The Compleat Angler, after the book The Contemplative Man’s Recreation, by Izaak Walton.

There is no connection between the hotel and the book. The hotel dates from 1640 and the book was published in 1653. But the riverside garden is as good a place as any to bone up on Sir Isaak and be infected by his cheerful piety and gentle disposition.

He used to fish with the poet John Donne and wrote a biography of him. Both men agreed that “God never did make a more calm, quiet, innocent recreation than angling” and that “good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter.”

The pomp and pageantry of the annual swan census continues into a third day onto Henley and Sonning, which Jerome K. Jerome described as “the most fairy-like little nook on the whole river.”

The highwayman Dick Turpin’s aunt lived there. More modern famous residents include Led Zeppelin guitarist Jimmy Page and the magician and illusionist Uri Geller.

The French Horn is another famous old pub. The fleet then travels on to Goring and Moulsford, which like many Oxfordshire villages has been used as a location in the television series Midsomer Murders.

The age-old Thames cruise ends at Abingdon in Oxfordshire. The town is well-known for a ceremony in which important occasions like royal weddings are marked by buns being thrown off the roof of the museum in the town square. Abingdon is equally well-known for its Old Speckled Hen beer.

There are now about 800 swans along the Thames. Some 1,500 were recorded in the 1950s between Richmond and Henley. They nest at four, live to about 20 and weigh about seven kilograms. Cygnets are born in late May or early June.

Forty cygnets in a day is a good catch. When a nest is sighted and the “all up” cry goes out, the skiffs are released and rowed towards the swans, which are corralled beside the riverbank.

Amid a great amount of splashing and squeaking and swearing, the swans are lifted on board the skiffs, where their legs are tied with “tyes” (twine) and their cygnets identified and weighed. There is always a veterinarian present.

In the old days anyone caught in the possession of a royal bird could have their ears cut off or risk a jail sentence of one year and a day.

Now, after a day out on the River Thames among the swans and cygnets, participants and spectators alike merely risk sunstroke and cultural overload.

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