Rebounding With an Ex

What’s your gender? Genderqueer / NonbinaryHow old are you? 19What’s your race/ethnicity? White / CaucasianWhat continent do you live on? North AmericaWhat country and/or city do you live in? USAHighest education received: Some college (currently in college)What’s your occupation? Fast Food EmployeeWhat’s your current relationship status? Dating casuallyReligious affiliation: Wiccan / PaganHow religious are you? A littleWhat’s your sexual orientation? BisexualHow many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Rebounding With an Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Male, tall, very pale, bony, large nose, very blue eyes. We had briefly dated earlier in the year but had never slept together, and had continued to be friends as we moved on and dated other people. We both became single again at the same time, and I was very vulnerable after being dumped by a serious partner. My ex took me to see a movie as a friend to cheer me up, but soon things became flirtatious, and we began to discuss the idea of friends-with-benefits. I was excited to explore sex more, and I was also lonely and in want of companionship.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He was the first one to hint at FWB, but I was the one who really made it happen. He would pick me up in his car, and we would see a movie or drive around and find a place to park. Then we would fool around, usually inside the car.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Everything was manual, i.e., fingering, handjobs. We probably would have explored more, but we only actually hooked up about 3 times. It wasn’t super enjoyable because we were young and almost totally inexperienced, and we didn’t communicate very well. Afterward, we would joke around and hang out or grab food. After he came for the first time during a hookup, he got distant and stopped making plans. We never fooled around again after that.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Immediately afterward, I felt a little disappointed. I had developed a small crush which I was ignoring. However, I wasn’t ashamed of anything we had done. Now I hate him, but not because of the hookup, because he turned out to be a terrible person.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, To feel better about myself, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to one friend about it and she was supportive. We would often trade gossip and stories about our sexual and romantic adventures.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? The thought of sleeping with someone who turned out to not respect me and who was jealous and mean is disgusting to me, although I didn’t know he behaved this way when we hooked up.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It did distract me from a painful breakup and helped me build some confidence with sex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It wasn’t all that physically satisfying and the guy turned out to be a jerk.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I think it made me realize that I have to be careful when looking at my own motivations for casual sex.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex can definitely be positive. However, I think sometimes we forget that people can use sex as a way of self-medicating, and it can be damaging and unhealthy. We have to balance sex positivity with being honest about what emotional consequences can come with casual sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s an interesting idea and I’m always in favor of more comprehensive sexual health data and research.