Elliot: This is exactly like the dress I bought! Huh!J.D.: Hm?Elliot: Oh, I-I didn't already buy a wedding dress. I mean, I'm not even dating anybody, so that would be crazy... Whether it was half-off or not..

Dr. Cox: Okay, Mr. Westfeld, now the angioplasty went well, but here's the thing: It is on you, pardner. You gotta start watching what you eat so that we can kick this thing in the ass. Okay?J.D.: It's on you, pardner!Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Shannon, thank you so much for clarifying my point by repeating it word for word.

Janitor: So, anyway, you said you liked mine, and I had the wife whip you up a pair of your own! You like 'em?J.D.: Do I like 'em? Why, just the other day, I was asking myself, "How can I display my package in a way that's both alluring and professional?"Janitor: Well, there's your answer!J.D.: Ugh.Janitor: HAH-HAH-HAH! Ahhh! To be young and in shorts!

Elliot: You wanna know why things with Jamie are so 'lamey'?J.D.: We're doing fine!Elliot: Oh, please! She's clearing you out of her apartment!J.D.: Wrong! She just came by because she knows today at work, I need my... squash goggles.Elliot: Mm.J.D.: I have to saw something later.

Elliot: She's a drama queen, J.D.! When her husband was in a coma, it was all, like, taboo and exciting; but now that it's okay for the two of you to be together, the relationship's got no snap... it's got no crackle. J.D... It's got no pop. I know! Because I'm a drama queen, too!J.D.: Well, Jamie is not like you, okay?Elliot: No Pop!

Ted: See, Dr. Cox, this is, uh, the sort of hostile behavior that can cause us legal difficulty.Dr. Cox: Ted! I just might rip that tie off your neck and jam it down your esophagus.Ted: I think you proved at Nurse Roberts' above-ground pool party that that doesn't solve anything.

Dr. Kelso: Dammit, Perry! You can't just go around brow-beating nut-jobs and bullying fatties!Dr. Cox: Well, I'm not a resident, so I'm not going to your lame-ass doctor-patient seminar... So, in essence, there, Big Bob, there's really nothing you can do to me at all, is there?

Carla: I know she was... old. Still, she was my best friend. I mean, what are you supposed to do without your mom?Turk: You can let your man fill a little bit of the hole that she left.Carla: She would like that.Turk: Baby, she hated me.Carla: Yeah, she did.

Carla: Turk...Turk: Yeah?Carla: Between my list of family and friends and your list of family and friends, we have like 400 people coming to this wedding! How are we gonna cut this down?Elliot: Out of curiosity, whose list did I end up on, yours or Turk's?Carla: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... mine!Elliot: Let me see!Carla: Nope!