Lazy Sundays

Sadly Vic and I don’t have traditional Monday thru Friday jobs, so it’s rare that we get to enjoy a full weekend together. Thankfully, however, since the holidays our schedules have allowed for multiple occasions of having a couple of consecutive days off. I have to say I’m feeling spoiled. I’m finally getting to see what all the hoppla is about.

As a full time student turning photographer, things turn crazy rather quickly and it’s easy to fall behind in everything if I don’t stick extremely close to my carefully laid out planner – it’s even color coded! This past week it’s been hard.

The week started with my one year ultrasound. The dreaded screening that would show if the ugly ‘C’ word had decided to invade my body once again. Christ; it was absolute torture leading up to Tuesday. I was extremely short tempered, irritable beyond belief and just plain cranky. It’s incredibly hard to feel sympathetic towards things that seem so insignificant when all you can focus on is that dreading circle on the calendar. Would the technician find another spot? Would 2015 start with a repeat of last year? As much as I tried to remain positive, I couldn’t help but think about it.

As I was back then; I walked in the hospital on Tuesday prepared for the worst, but praying for the best.

It was the LONGEST 40 minutes of my life. No joke. At first I couldn’t see his face, so I couldn’t even guess at what he was seeing. I was white knuckled. I simply kept repeating to myself “It’s going to be fine. Everything is going to be ok.” When I was instructed to turn my neck to a different position, I could finally see the technicians face. Ok, this was going to be better – right? No. Then I was simply too afraid to look. I stole glances. Just a few. All the while thinking – “This is taking too long. There’s something different happening here.”

And there was; nothing. He found nothing. That’s right – NO CANCER! Sweet baby Jesus. As soon as the words were out of the man’s mouth I felt weightless. Every ounce of fear and anxiety evaporated. Right there in the office as the disgusting goopy gel dried into my hair, ran slowly towards my ears and soaked the ugly blue hospital gown, I felt like crying. The relief I felt at that very moment, I’ll never be able to put into words. But better then my relief was Vic’s. We just held each other. Tightly. No words were said in that moment; none were necessary.

So needless to say – I took Tuesday off. And Wednesday. Honestly, just because I could. I had worked myself up for so long, I deserved a couple of days to soak up the relief of my (unofficial) one year cancer free anniversary.

My time off didn’t put me too far behind – until life intervened. I had to work, do a week’s worth of laundry, prep for the first round of upcoming midterms and we finally had a weekend off – together.

So easily I found myself a week behind on everything. The finishing touches of my last session, all five of my courses and house work – well let’s not go there. This morning – on my lazy Sunday – I woke up the grumpiest b—h this side of kanas. I knew how far behind I was and I HATE playing catch up. Because life is crazy enough to juggle without having double the work.

An hour into my little shit fit, poor Vic looked at me so apologetic and I snapped right out of it. He didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of my self inflicted frustration. I had made him feel like he was to blame for whatever had upset me. Which was totally unfair of me and so fair from the truth.

I then sat down to a delicious breakfast of peanut butter pancakes and turkey bacon prepared for me by my ever loving fiancé. How do I deserve this man?

He’s wonderful. Truly wonderful. All he wanted was a lazy Sunday together and all I could think about was the massive to do list this week would require if I were to give him his day. To which he simply asked how he could help. I instead gave him a kiss, realized that no matter what it took, he deserved this lazy Sunday. Because there’s not a person on this earth that could love me the way he does.