McAvaney: Now we’ve got a lot to talk about with you, but first of all – Tony, I have to ask. How’s morale?

Abbott: Yeah, well, ah, it’s a fair question mate, I accept that, but I’ve gotta tell you, we’re feeling good. Feeling strong. Nobody ever said this was going to be easy, and from day one I’ve always said, heads down, bums up, it’s a long game, and never mind the critics. We’ve been the underdogs before, and we’re okay with that. It’s gonna take guts and determination, and we’ve got it in spades. Don’t worry about that.

McAvaney: Cause watching you this week… Gee. You were just on gorgeous form the week before, really outclassed Team Russia, it was so special to watch, loved Julie Bishop on the Ukraine, she was spectacular, but this week feels like it’s all got on top of you again. An unforced withdrawal from the Free Speech World Series, for starters – that’s gotta hurt.

Abbott: (Nods sombrely) Yep. Yep. Some of the boys are really dark about that, I’m not gonna lie to ya. Bolt, Wilson, our sponsors at the IPA, I know they found that call kind of tough. And let me tell you, Bruce, if I could put on the jumper and run out there, I would. But like I said, it’s a long game. I’m not gonna run my guys into the ground this early in the season. It’s a captain’s call. We’ve got to keep this in perspective, Bruce. Everyone’s still got the right to be a bigot. The only difference is that now you’ve got to mainly just do it at George’s place. Plus, lastly, something everyone’s overlooking, we are the only team in the competition this week with a position that Team Israel and Team Palestine both agree on. You don’t see that every day.

Advertisement

McAvaney: Fair enough, that’s pretty special.

Abbott: Cheers mate. Thanks.

McAvaney: But let’s have a look at your key players… Gee, you must be a bit disappointed with Brandis this week. Feels like the big plays just aren’t going his way, doesn’t it?

Abbott: Yeah, well, George has been around the block a few times. He’s a bit down in the dumps, no doubt about that, but he’ll bounce back, no worries. According to the doctors, the whole problem stemmed from an old fibre strain to his, er, node, and it’s really, ah, messing with his metadata. Could have happened to anyone, really. It’s bloody frustrating, but … that’s online data regulation for ya. Sometimes, it just pans out like that, hey.

McAvaney: What is metadata, exactly?

Abbott: Ah, look mate, I’ve never pretended to be Team Australia’s doctor. That’s Eric Abetz’s gig, obviously. And he is totally worth the $7! (Laughs) But seriously, I’m gonna leave that to the experts. My job is just to go out there and give it 110 per cent, and that’s what I’m gonna do, Bruce. We’ve been absolutely slamming it at training. Peta’s got everyone on a pretty punishing regime; data crunches, high-impact Google tracking, that sort of stuff, we’ve cut out the cookies, and mate – you could bounce a twenty cent coin off my apps. We’re gonna bring our A game from here on in, that’s for sure.

McAvaney: Lots of talk around about trouble in the Team Australia clubrooms. Brandis out of sorts about the tactical free speech forfeit. Turnbull pretty cheesed off with being kept on the bench, even when he was match-fit for the data-retention issue. Can you shed any light on that?

Abbott: Aaaah. (Rubs neck) Yeah. Ha! Hahahaha. Well, mate, what can I say. Brandis is a great guy, a real champion. He’ll come good. And Malcolm… well, you know, as an ex-captain he should know better than anyone that there’s no “I” in “Team”.

McAvaney: He’s got charisma, though.

Abbott: (Tersely) Yep. We’re hoping that will clear up by Saturday too.

McAvaney: So, Team Australia more broadly. What’s the story with all the people in the detention centres? There seem to be some very unhappy folks there.

Abbott: Yeah, well: Not everyone can make the squad. It’s never easy. I’ve got complete faith in Scotty Morrison there. Say no more.

McAvaney: Your team song though: “For those who’ve come across the seas, we’ve boundless plains to share” – any awkward moments when you’re belting that one out in the showers?

Abbott: We’re not gonna be distracted, Bruce. Not for one minute. A team’s a team. Sacrifices have got to be made. It’s a captain’s pick. And I’m the captain you picked.