October 8th, 2002

I feel much happier than I did this morning, by a long way. This morning, I felt that time passes by, and I never get to do what I truly want. It felt like living someone else's life. Not a good feeling, so close to one's birthday.

I must have come across as really hassled and irritable at work. The petty daemons of chaos were against me. Everything seemed too difficult.

But then I went home and saw my new Landlord, and he agreed that the flat was in a bad state, and that he would improve quite a few things, and remove his old furniture, free of charge. Good! Things started looking up. I also learnt that his mother would die soon, the same way mine did, so this practical visit became oddly emotional.

Then, I got to talk to some good friends on the phone. One talked about all the things I wanted to talk with her about and never really got the chance. Yay! The other showed me understanding and approval, indirectly but clearly. Happy!

I went out with a big smile on my face and a warmth inside me, feeling able to do what I wanted to do. Now writing this in the Filmhouse bar, still with a wide smile on my face. Communication is good. Sorry about the vagueness, I wanted to keep this public.