Hmm, a thorny problem indeed. As short and hairy legged as this friend may be, hairy legs do not constitute a beard. Perhaps you should shave his legs using FIRE! This would certainly stop any laughter. Remind him that true laughter only comes from behind a manly beard.

As for booT repair, I am afraid that cobbler does not end with T and so this skill has not been pursued by Frakes. I would suggesT that it has something to do with the soles. I would consider returning them, booT ends with T and sits atop a manly fooT. Squeaking is not manly, it's more mousely. Demand a refund!

A beard starts off as an infanT. Yes, these infanT beards can be crap. But they will eventually grow. Grow into a garden of manly delight that will be enjoyed by all when it matures into a manly adulT. There is no law of science that allows a beard to be instantly stunning upon entering the world. Would you criticise a newborn baby for being ugly? Perhaps some of us would, but that baby would later grow to become large and manly and would weild all of its manly power despite our previous criticisms.

To criticise someone's beard, however crap it is, is to criticise the concepT of the beard. This would not be manly.