“I like a good awkward fumble in the dark and when I saw Fumb1r I just had to meet the lads from the Squib. My, my they are experts at fumbling in the dark. I just couldn’t get enough,” Ms Mayer told Tech News Week.

The idea behind Fumb1r was rustled up in the Daily Squib office in less than 5 seconds by one of our staff and has gone on to become a massive internet hit with millions of keen Fumb1rs fumbling away like shitty goal keepers from the fourth division.

“Basically there’ll be no awkward fumbling around in the dark with this blogging smart phone app because it will tell you the age, sex and exact location of the person you are fumbling. It also tells you what their favourite all-time movie is and what brand of toothpaste they like. As for sexual preference, that’s up to the Fumb1r and Fumb1ee. Say you’re at a party, drunk or stoned beyond belief and you find yourself in a dark bedroom with someone, all you have to do is flick on Fumb1r and you will either get the go-ahead or the no-go ahead signal. This app could save your life. Remember, Fumb1r should not be confused with Fond1r, now that’s a completely different kettle of fish,” Joe Sheppy, the chap who came up with the app revealed.

Well, that’s us done, we’re off to the pub now to spend approximately £2.5 billion and we certainly won’t be Fumb1ing our pints.

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