Going This Nuts Over A Spider Gets Your Mancard Permanently Pulled

If a woman spots a spider and alerts you of its existence by shrieking, “Oooh! Spider! ACKKKK! Get it, get it, get it, get,” it’s your job as a man to take care of it for her. Seriously, that’s a rule. This is not the correct way for a man to handle that situation.

A southern Illinois man awakened to find a spider in his bed, and in a panic, ran through a glass door outside his home, police told FoxNews.com.

The man’s identity was not released, but the 20-year-old was apparently sleeping in the buff when he spotted the spider Tuesday morning in his bed, Mike Judge, the police chief, said. He apparently ran through a glass storm door during his escape, cutting his arms, legs and a finger. He was treated at a hospital.

Authorities fielded numerous reports of a bloody streaker and later found the man back at his home, where he’d donned some shorts.

Had he gotten naked, bloody, and then taken a jog around the neighborhood, that could be considered a manly show of confidence and virility or alternately, a poorly managed attempt to reenact Beowulf’s fight with Grendel from the 2007 version of the film. However, if a man gets so terrified by a spider that he runs naked through a storm door and then does a couple of laps around the neighborhood, covered in blood, you get your mancard permanently pulled.