A year ago today, I woke
up for the first time in my Milwaukee home. I was excited about our new chapter
in life but also exhausted from the three-day drive across country and overwhelmed
by the unpacking.

Mostly, I was terrified at
having left behind a circle of friends that had taken more than a decade to
create. My emotional stability was in question—so I guess things were actually
pretty much the same as always but I worried about life without having dear
friends close by.

I was right to be concerned.
Only in the past decade has science begun to recognize what women have always
known: strong, close friendships are our lifeline. Study after recent study has
now shown that friendships are one of the most significant factors in our
overall health and well-being. In fact, research has shown that friends are
even more critical to our longevity than family.

The long-running Nurses’ Health Study found
that when women diagnosed with breast cancer were without strong social
connections, they had a much higher risk of dying. A 10-year
study in Australia showed that those with many friends outlived those with
few friends by 22 percent.

The conclusion is obvious:
If you don’t have friends, you will die.

OK, that’s not really
the conclusion. However, I do know that in the months following our move, the
isolation I felt took a toll on my overall well-being. I had days in which I missed
my female support group so much that I could hardly bare it.

Yet, as humans we adapt
to our surroundings. It is what we have always done to survive. In an effort to
survive, I put my introverted self out there, I accepted nearly every invitation
that came my ways, and the results speak for themselves.

It wasn’t until I was
getting ready for bed last night, after spending the evening with new friends,
that I realized today was my one-year milestone. I can’t believe an entire year
has already passed, but it also seems that my life in Denver is a distant
memory.

My life there would no
longer fit who I am today, but the friends I made there remain dear to my
heart. They are with me always in spirit, and the beauty of adaptation is that by
stepping out of my comfort zone, I have expanded my circle of friends.

My calendar this week
includes two book club meetings, a fun run with a local running group I recently
joined, coffee with a mom I met through my daughter’s school and an outing with
my own mom, who I previously saw only a few times a year. To top it off, three
Colorado friends will make a visit this weekend.

These new friendships
aren’t yet as close as my older ones, but with each encounter they become
stronger. Whatever comes next, I am blessed to have a social network of old friends and new to see me through. My health and well-being are truly in good hands.

Comments

Yes indeed, Heidi, my friends have seen me through the good, the bad, and the uncertain. And they've given me hope. When I could not speak, they patiently let me try to talk. They've listened. They've always been there when I needed them. All I needed to do was reach out. I'm really lucky, too, because my mom is one of my best friends. I'm so very grateful for the love of friends, and family. They see in me what I don't see in myself. And they give me love and strength and courage. You are one of those friends, Heidi. Thank you, gentle, inspiring friend. :)

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About me

I’m a 40-year-old woman with a darling young daughter, a long-term marriage and an established career. To onlookers, I have it all together. But in rare moments when I'm solo in the car and a throwback song comes on the radio, I sometimes have an overwhelming urge to drink myself silly, dance my ass off and make-out with strangers.
Read more...I’m not that young or foolish any more, but I also don’t feel old (despite increasing wrinkles). I am caught somewhere between young and old and I’m not the only one. This blog is for those of us who are still dancing queens yet, rather than yearning for the good old days, are wise enough to recognize that this crazy, in-between, complex time in our lives is life’s sweet spot.
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