A well intentioned rant about the current state of Advertising, with particular emphasis on Big Dumb Agencies (BDA's) Because, no matter how bad you think it is, it's actually a great deal worse!
"Advertising is the rattling of a stick inside a swill pail." George Orwell.

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Interesting post by Eric Sass over on The Social Graf
at MediaPost… “Young
Celebs Knock Social Media.” I agree with Eric it’s a rather telling
sign that two of the most followed young celebrities on social media are
advising their fans not be consumed by it. Nicki Minaj advises teens being cyber
bullied to simply cancel all their social media accounts. This from a lady who
has 17 million fucking followers on Twitter! Then, the increasingly delicious
Emma Watson – The teen sex interest in Harry Potter - Attacked social media for
“shortening” childhoods and taking
away the “blissful” period when girls
aren’t concerned about how they look. Eric goes on to point out that in July 2012 a survey from
Common Sense Media found that 43% of teens said they wished they could disconnect
themselves from the Internet, and 36% said they “wish they could go back to a
time before Facebook.” Is this about to become “MySpace” Dejavue? I have it on good authority
that ZuckerNozzle is in contact with Lord Voldemort to arrange that a posse of “Dementors”
should take care of both Emma and Nicki!

Just
to prove that the rancid ad biz isn’t entirely peopled by fucktards, douchenozzles
and scum suckers interested only in their own self aggrandizement… I am
republishing this
wonderful piece by Noreen O’Leary, of AdWeek, the best fucking ad journalist in the
“Big Apple.”

Bruised by the recent loss
of major accounts, two Omnicom agencies, BBDO and Goodby Silverstein &
Partners, today announced layoffs. BBDO said it made "significant"
cuts after losing the global Gillette men's grooming
business in late April, a development that will have staffing consequences
around the world. Goodby has let go staff following its exit in March from the General
Motors Chevrolet joint venture with McCann, known as Commonwealth. Neither
agency would divulge the number of people cut other than to say layoffs were
made across departments. While BBDO had no comment at all on the layoffs,
Goodby's co-founder Jeff Goodby shared an internal memo in which he wrote:

You've
heard the financial reasons for reducing our staff. I just want to talk a bit
about the human side of it all. Please be assured: No one takes this process
lightly. As we often say, advertising is all about people and accounts. David
Ogilvy wrote, "The assets go up and down in our elevator every day."
It is so true. We value our people, and our humanistic environment, more than anything.
Strangely,
that’s why, when we lose business or have cuts in fee, it is important to react
thoughtfully, but expeditiously. Companies that don’t are not prepared for the
future, and they don’t serve the people who are still on staff. They endanger
present and future jobs. We are optimistic about our plan to move forward, in
terms of serving present accounts and getting new ones, and will share details
next week. But we are also thankful for and deeply appreciative of the
contributions of people who are leaving. We will do everything to find them new
situations. And if history is any indication, we will find ourselves welcoming
some of them back in the future.

There aren’t
many true members of the “Adverati” left. Jeff and Rich are examples of what
this once great business used to be all about. The rest are a sad reflection of
the continuing diminution of a responsibility and gratitude to the "bust their nuts" employees
who built your fucking empire in the first place. Now, it’s all about board
room level uber-rewards for the insurance salesmen and bean counters who have no
fucking understanding of what advertising, and the people who work in it are
all about! But, Godamn it, they'll liposuction up the big dollars and stash them in their off-shore accounts 'till the cows come home! Aaaarrrggghhh!

AdScam deep throats tell me that Laurence "See me in
the corner gym" Boschetto is still taking up space at Draft/FCB’ offices. If
so, why the fuck hasn’t the new guy banned him from the premises? He was also
seen at the recent Advertising Hall of Fame dinner, bending the ear of anyone
dumb enough to listen to him. If they ever start an “Advertising Hall of Shame,”
he’ll be top of the nominees. Meantime… It’s Kate Day!

Remember AndrewMason, the
douchenozzle who founded the
world’s most fucked up company,Groupon, then got fired ‘cos
everything he did was a disaster… Now he says… "I've accumulated a backlog of ideas over
the last several years, my favorite of which I'll be turning into a new company
this fall." And what exactly would that be? Well,
Mason
says he has recorded a seven-song album of "motivational
business music" (what the fuck is that?) targeted at people entering
the workforce, called Hardly Workin'.
"I came to realize that there was a
real need to present business wisdom in a format that is more accessible to the
younger generation. I'm really happy with the results and look forward to
sharing them as soon as I figure out how to load music onto iTunes.” Wow,
is this guy a full bore fucktard, or what?

Confusion reigns since the news Wednesday that an
Ogilvy, Beijing employee, 24-year-old Li Yuan, died of a sudden heart
attack at the
office. According to local TV news program
Yangzi Evening News, the poor fucker died of "overwork." ‘Cos
he had been working overtime the month prior to his death, not leaving the
office before 11p.m. Now we are being told by Ogilvy SpokesNozzle, Ei Li Mah
Ass Off, that he had not
been at work for weeks, and that the day he
died was his first day back at the office after taking sick leave. When asked for a comment, the “Poisoned Dwarf,” is reputed to
have said… “Yingtongiddlyipo!”
What the fuck would Confucius have said?

Honorable Sir Martin most graciously says we can have every third Sunday off without pay!

MoreAboutAdvertising has
a piece on agency search consultants, or as the Brits so politely put it… “Intermediaries.” Seems like a study has
been done asking agencies what they think of them… And… Surprise, surprise,
they shove their tongues all they way up their arses. Well, they would wouldn’t
they? You don’t want to piss off someone who can fix you up with a big fat
client, even though your work is shit and your answer to everything is either “Shock
& Awe” or “Show Biz.” As I commented on the post…

The
question I always have, which never gets a satisfactory answer, is... Shouldn't
the person responsible for advertising at the client be up to speed on who's
doing what out there, particularly in their business category? Shouldn't he/she
have a short list of agencies doing good work? Think of all the
loverrrrlllly lunches they could have interviewing them. So, what the
fuck are they pulling down all that money for?

You have to admire the balls of the “Poisoned Dwarf.” Just
last week he
told a conference at the Paley Center that WPP clients are wasting 15-25% of
their advertising budgets. He just doesn't know which 15-25%. Obviously, this was an “Homage”
to John Wanamaker's well-quoted claim… "Half
the money I spend on advertising is wasted; the trouble is I don't know which
half." Actually that’s bullshit ‘cos as I’ve said many times, it’s
more like 90%. Plus, it was Hitler who said it first (Would I lie to you?) But
back to the point of this particular rant… Am I the only one who finds it fucking
strange that the guy who runs the world’s largest BDHC, would own up to pissing
away a quarter of his clients money? If I was a BDC of a BDA belonging to his
BDHC, I would tell him to FO!

Hitler promises ex-WPP clients he'll only skim 10% off of their ad budget. Plus: They can haz Poland!

Saudi Arabia’s “Virtue Police,” are warning the locals
not to use Twitter, or other social networks. Sheikh Abdul Latif Abdul Aziz
al-Sheikh El Nozzle, said anyone using social media sites - and especially
Twitter - "Has lost this world and
his afterlife". The later would be the one with all the virgins and
free booze. “Twitter was the platform for
those who did not have any platform,” he said. Wait one fucking minute,
that sounds like a double negative, triple positive, redux-a-boola, to me!
Although, Saudi Arabia's grand mufti, the
kingdom's most senior Muslim cleric, had dismissed Twitter users as "fools". So, they may
have a point. Anyway, I didn’t wait for paradise to get started on the virgins
and booze!

Several AdScamers have pointed me in the direction of
BusinessInsider’s article… “The
37 richest people in advertising.” Yes, all the usual suspects are
there, with “The Poisoned Dwarf,” in
first place with $27 million, up from $11.6 million last year. Michael “I Know Insurance” Roth pulled in $9.7
million, down from $12.9 million the previous year. Yes folks, all those
millions for nearly destroying Interpublic. And veteran globe trotter Kev “I Always Wear Black” Roberts took home
(when he’s there) $4.5 million, up from $3.9 million the year before… Which isn’t
to be sneezed at when you consider Saatchi is picking up the tab for all those
first class flights, five star hotels, gourmet nosheries and rugby match
tickets. So, in reality, it’s just fucking spending money. The last guy on the
list gets a mere $545K working for Havas… Oh, and his dad owns Havas.
Obviously, he worked his way up strictly on merit!

We are about to learn if people are stupid enough to pay
good money for total shit. “The Sun,”
Britain’s largest selling newspaper is about
to introduce a paywall to its digital edition. It would seem that the “Wizened
of Oz” believes there are enough brain dead Brits ready to cough up two quid
($3.00) a week to access his daily insult to proper journalism. I mean c’mon guys;
you don’t have to blow your hard earned beer money to look at the big, bare
tits of the page 3 loverlllliiieees. There’s tons of that shit on the Internet,
and it’s fucking free! As for the rest
of the content, you’d be better off reading “The Beano.” No “Tits & Arse”
though! That’ll be on Friday!