Wednesday

i guess in life and this blog - i try to be funny and interesting. i want you to come back, to like me, to subscribe to whatever i'm peddling. i think I've always been that way.Well today i dont really have the energy or desire to try. so im a just be.

i feel like a layer of me is being rubbed off. maybe more than one.

its uncomfortable.

im raw.

i cried a good part of my trip to atlanta. i know why and then i dont know why. it was good though.

long drives on the highway are the only times i have alone with myself these days.

the tears are still just behind my eyes.

i feel butterflies.

i also feel the seams of trying to hold it all in are wearing thin and some things are starting to leak out.

its very uncomfortable.

i want to distract myself, to buy something, to move to a new city, to tell a joke, to get a tattoo.

its very uncomfortable.

there's a rumbling inside that i can't quite put my finger on.

but i know the timing is perfect. but for what, i'm not sure.

it feels like there's a magnet pulling the stuff deep down that i hide and ignore and pretend isn't there, to the surface of my life.

its pulling my card. and showing me the lies i tell myself

about me not being judgmental or not being scared to death that no one will ever really love ME.

it has hooked a string around all my feelings of lonliness and isolation, inadequacy and jealousy.

and like master fisherman it's realing it all up from the murky bottom for all to see.

i can't hide much longer. and what a relief.

you see my grip is weak and i admit asked for this.

and it seems the call was heard and the waves are pushing against the sand.

Well I just lost my whole freaking post...and I'm kinda pissed about it. I was gettin all deep working through issue #3,246 and wham i don't know what the eff happened. well needless to say i'll take it as a sign. "stop talking about it and just do it." said the Universe. So I'm off to complete my week 3 homework for my art class (im a week behind).

i will leave you birdies with some pics of some work that either; a) I just completed after some months 2) just started and finished or 3) just got around to scanning in.

a) i just got around to scanning. it's been done since the summer.

b) just finished after some eons. i've been workin on Miss Thang for a while but just finished her last week. 7.5 X12 recycled cabinet door.

Now i must say i love this one. it makes me smile everytime i read it. its the ultimate motivational saying. 7 X 8.5 recycled board.

or c) this one and the one above are NEW PIECES. i really love this abstract x-mas tree. the world is made from my most loved material, cardboard. 6X6 gallery wrapped canvas

did i mention i got a new scanner(im sure i did its ALL im talking about right now. im more excited about this than when i got my mom-osine. the pictures are so vibrant. and its so fast and smooth and easy to use. i luv her so much i might have to name her. and it does make it a little easier not having my camera for now.

Any who, there they are. My next goal is to get my printer - the Epson 1400 to be exact. Miss Juliette Crane, a fellow flyer recommends it. It's kinda sorta in my budget so I'ma make the plunge....then comes the ink, paper, backers, mailers, return labels, business cards. Even though its quite an investment right now, I know the only way anyone else will take me serious as an artist is if I do the same. All in. SMOOCHES!

I'm goin' in to my 3rd week of my PAINT FREE class with the wonderful Miss Wyanne. I think I told you, the class is about finding your unique voice as an artist. And you already know this is my...how do you say...let's call it what it is. It's my excuse not to paint more. I'm always searching for one thing or another. So this is no differnt, and always uncomfortable being where I AM. Well I'm likin the class and wanted to share my latest exercises.

I'm not sure how much I can share about the class, so I won't give any juicy details but these exercises are teaching me some things about myself. I'm also realizing that I believe that if my style is authentically mine, then it won't look like anyone else's style. And that's a lot of pressure to put on myself. Which in turn stifles my creativity. So I'm going to try to have fun, and let all my influences and inspirations show through MY canvas. Don't worry you know I'll keep you posted.

This blog is as much about inspiration and following your dreams as it is a place where I can show my art and shoot the gip. Well today I have a wonderful story of a woman living in my town. Her name is Mandy Campbell and she is the owner of Extreme Cakes. I just finished reading an article on her in our local paper Her type of baking has become very popular on TLCand The Food Network but her story is such an inspiration that I thought I'd share it here with my homies.

First of all I was shocked to see someone having a store dedicated to 3-D sculptural cakes in this small town I live in. Insert critiques voice...IS THERE REALLY A MARKET "HERE" FOR "THAT"? So I read on and find out that recently she was asked by the Smithsonian (yes the one in D.C) to create a cake to commemorate thee100th Anniversary of the Museum of Natural History.

Here she is with the 5 feet long and 2 feet high replica of the Natural History Museum Building

Well you know what I thought. OUT OF ALL THE CAKE BAKERS IN THE WORLD HOW DID THEY PICKED HER FROM SMALLVILLE USA? So I'm really getting into the article now THEN I find out that this seasoned baker's store has only been open ONE MONTH! And she's already in the paper and making cakes for the Smithsonian. What's up with that?

By now it's just me and the paper. I gave my students their work and I'm lost in this odyssey. (Yes I am at work reading the paper and typing this blog...but it's not what you think. Well maybe, but a girl's gotta do what she's gotta do.) Anyway, I turn the page, completely enthralled in her meteoric rise and see that TLC has also contacted her and is thinking of featuring her on Amazing Cakes.

She looks like she's about to bark!

popcorn cupcakes. How come I never thought of that? LOL

Ok. Ok. Ok. Now I'm fired up and thinking to myself...I have to meet this wild woman. But here's the clincher folks, the ICING ON THE CAKE so to speak.

She has only been doing sculptural cakes for SIX MONTHS!

As an artist, I sometimes wonder how I can EVER bring this deep passion of expressing myself through colors, shapes and textures to the surface of my life. Well reading this article touched every part of me and piece by piece dismantled all of my reasons WHY NOT. I'm so touched by Mandy's story that I think I might just have to stop by her shop today and meet her in person.

OLD Reasons IT won't work...

1. No one can find me because I live in a small town.
2. There's no market for what I do
3. Or even better, everyone is already doing it.
4. I don't have enough experience or knowledge.
5. It's going to take forever...or longer.

NEW reasons why IT will DEFINITELY work...

1. Any and everyone can find me if I put myself out there to be found. The Internet connects us all.
2. There's absolutely a market for what I do.
3. I really do have something unique to offer.
4. I've been creating all my life this new mixed media is just an extension. And I'm dedicated to learning more and honing my craft. AND

5. My level of accomplishment is directly related to my efforts and my belief in myself....Dam, that was deep.

You know sometimes my dream can seem so far away but in times like this it feels a little closer. And what if it really is closer, much closer than I ever imagined.

The only way I'll know is if I reach out and grab at it. So I'm gonna go grab at my dream today and I might even get to grab a little piece of cake while I'm at it.

Monday

Hi U guys. I know it's been too long. All of my electronics decided to die at the same time and it's taken some time to get myself back up and running. While I'm not up to 100% I did get a new laptop (I highly recommend Best Buy open box items. I got a SUPER deal). so I can't complain. I'm realizing that keeping up to date with my gadgets has become more of a necessity than a luxury.

Lots of good things have been going on and I've been staying busy. Work is good and V is thriving @ his new day care. (Insert random cuteness here.)

Sometimes I look @ him and still can't believe he's mine. He's like a human Chocolate Chip!

And yes he is a ladies man. LOL

I did finally get my new(er) car a couple of weeks ago and I'm still over the moon about that. It's an '04 Town and Country van.

This isn't it but it looks just like this. My camera's gone to digital heaven so I had to borrow this pic from C-list.

Now, who in the hell woulda ever thought I'd be in a mom-osine....and like it. Really I love it. Its fully loaded and more than I could've ever asked for. For most of you who know I've been on quite a journey over the last four years...bcoming a single mom, job layoffs and various moves up and down the east coast. And I finally feel like things are coming together for us and it feels SOOOOO GOOD! And I'm learning to let it in and to believe that I deserve to have good things happen to and for me. It's funny how we can ask for something and not believe we can have it. But when I started to believe it could happen...it did. I thank abraham-hicks for helping to get that through my thick skull ;-).

I'm also taking my first online art class. Kelly Rae's class was my first ever online class and this is my 2nd and focuses on finding your own personal style. The class is taught by an extremely talented and generous artist named Wyanne. She's out of FL and I'm very excited about the class

Our first assigment...getting back to basics using good ol' crayons.

Even though the main objective of the course is to help us develop our own style I believe that what I truly need is the support through techniques and support to have the COURAGE to express my own style. I hear HER and Im so excited to have taken the plunge and made the investment in me.

Well I guess that's about it. I do have to make the donuts tomorrow so I better go pack my lunch and find out what I'm going to wear tomorrow. (I'll thank myself in the a.m. when I can get an extra 15 min).