I've finally done it. I've figured out how I can never work again. I read an ad today for sperm donors in the NOVA area with the following qualifications:

SAT score 1400+
At least 5'10"
Blue or Green eyes
Under 30 years old
High school graduate

"Finally," I thought to myself, "a job which I am actually qualified for." It would require a drive to Fairfax once a week to watch porn, and I wouldn't be able to engage in sexual activity for the 3 days leading up to the visit. So, basically - exactly how my life is now, only with more driving. This would pay roughly $300 a week, or $14k a year. On top of this, I can sell blood plasma requiring two visits per week, and recieve an additional $9k per year. In short: I have figured out a way, on 6 hours a week in work, to completely self-sustain.