The Story of Dark Souls: Wombs, Castration, and Misery (but it’s all a distraction)

Dark Souls…if you were struck with instant, Vietnam-esque flashbacks to some of the most frustrating moments in your video game playing life, then believe me, I feel you. The video to which the title pertains to is located at the bottom, but I’ll preface it with a bit of my ramblings on the series, dev, some info on the third and final Souls game, and a little farewell from me to the devs.

Feel free to skip to the video if you want.

Hidetaka Miyazaki, Director of Demon’s Soul, Dark Souls, and Bloodborne, does not kid around when he says that he wants to create a challenging game. All three of those titles have been the main reason why about 3 of my Playstation 3 remote controllers have an internal rattling sound (along with a few non-functioning buttons).

But, I LOVE these games, and I am sure you do too. Your love for the game is probably what prompted you to click this article. Although, the title I made is pretty alluring…

To think, we wouldn’t even have Demon’s Soul, Dark Souls I, Dark Soul II, Bloodborne, and Dark Souls III if it weren’t for good ol’ FromSoftware throwing the 30-year-old designer a bone. Miyazaki went from growing up “tremendously poor” to directing award-winning games and becoming the President of the very company that hired him so many years ago.

Not only will this third installment be the last, and biggest, Souls sequel, but it was also be Miyazaki’s return to the series as Lead Director. After the huge success that followed Dark Souls, Miyazaki was asked by Sony to help them make an exclusive for their 8th gen console. That wound up becoming the title gamers everywhere fell in love with: Killzone Shadow Fall. I mean Bloodborne.

Thankfully, with his return to the series, fans will be able to experience an updated version of the mechanics Miyazaki set in place with Demon’s Soul and Dark Souls; something that many gamers (myself included) criticized about Dark Souls II. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely adore all 3 titles, but DSII‘s gameplay style (i.e. the game’s fluidity and slightly simplistic attack animations) does make the game a bit easier which kind of takes away some of the game’s charm.

By implementing “Weapon Arts” Miyazaki and his team of developers are hoping to bring back the uniqueness and need for adaptability that players fell in love with back in DSI days. With this new fighting mechanic set in place, every weapon in the game will have a unique moveset.

Also, speaking of adaptability, the ‘Adaptability’ stat has been taken out for DSIII(thank you!).

Okay, now here’s the bit about the video.

Dark Souls III is right around the corner for us North American gamers (April 12, 2016), and I am sure the blogesphere is out and about theorizing on how this last installment fits into the Souls universe. Whether you play the game religiously, or put it in simply to cut some sh*t, the lore in these games is as rich as Bill Gates. Among the strong community of devoted fans comes a YouTuber named Jared who decided a take a comedic, or Wisecrack as he puts it, take on the convoluted buffet that is the story of Dark Souls.

He connects some of the imagery found in the games to real life things (most notably: the vagina and womb). Along with that, he touches on a very interesting theory about the Dark Souls narrative that I’ve actually never even thought of. Jared speaks about it pretty early on in the video, so I’ll leave you to it.

Also, make sure to check out his channel, as he’s done similar things to other games, movies, and TV shows (along with some other really good videos).

It’s definitely going to be a sad day when I eventually finish Dark Souls III, so I want to say thank you to Hidetaka Miyazaki, Director of Demon’s Soul, Dark Souls I, Bloodborne, and Dark Souls III, Masanori Takeuchi, Producer of Demon’s Soul and Dark Souls II, Tobohiro Shibuya, Director of Dark Souls II, Yui Tanimura, Director of Dark Souls II and Dark Souls III, Makoto Sato, Demon’s Soul, Dark Souls I/III Artist, and Isamu Okano, who I have not seen direct a Souls game yet, but I thank you in advance!

And last, but definitely not least in any way shape or form, Motoi Sakuraba who composed all three Dark Souls games and gave it life through ambient music, orchestral beauty, and softly played, perfectly elongated piano notes that stick in the mind and add to why this series will go down as one of the great ones.

Then again, Miyazaki could pull a Kojima and release another Souls game even though signs point to this being that last one….

If he doesn’t, us Souls fans will still have the upcoming Dark Souls comic to look forward to!

If you like news and professional coverage of everyday happenings, well then get the f*** out. Professionalism is for the old people. We write nonsensical, hysteria, borderline Aspergers-esque articles about everything from Super Mario to Donald Trumps latest shared meme from a former white supremacist KKK Grand Wizard.

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