… and if you haven’t been following along, what’s wrong with you? Today’s installment: Chapters 11-13.

Chapter Eleven – Liar, Liar:

Walt heads to the courthouse to meet up with his lawyer, Barry Repel. Walter and Barry try to figure out why the cops are looking for him, since Walt says he’s been good for a while (Or, rather, hasn’t been caught recently). After getting his file from the lazy government employees, Walter discovers that the quarterback-type he beat up for slapping his girlfriend in chapter two is accusing Walt of assault.

According to one Jerome La Mentiroso, Walter and his hippie friend were pissing on the side of a church when Jerome was all “That’s not cool” but Walter was all “I’ll show you cool” and beat him up. Further hindering Walter’s situation is that Jerome’s dad is a detective for the Sea Lion Beach police department, and he’s been pushing the DA to build a case against Walter. This sets Walt off and he starts screaming that Jerome, his dad, and the DA are liars, so Walter will lie as well.

Because they were in a courthouse full of witnesses, Barry explains that he can’t represent Walter, but will put him in touch with other lawyers. Unfortunately the other lawyers cost way too much for Walter (Barry has some sort of frequent defendant discount card), so he decides to go with John Wittless, a guy his friends have used in the past. Walter gets put on edge because he encounters some Mexicans on his way to Wittless’s office, and as we all know, Walter Foxx doesn’t handle being in the presence of other ethnicities very well. Walt thinks he should have just murdered Jerome outright, as it would have saved him from dealing with all the lies. Walter talks with Wittless and arranges to meet him at the courthouse the next day with $2500.

Walter goes in to work, puts in his two-week notice at the liquor store and passes time by watching Jeopardy and soundly beating the contestants. He heads home, watches Letterman with Adolf, and then it’s off to class in the morning and the courthouse in the afternoon. Walt meets up with Wittless and his judge (Who is a lady, gross!) has dealt with him before, so that’s another detriment to his chances. The deputy district attorney, Abe Contrary (Probably because everything he says is contrary to the truth) tells Wittless that Walter is a convicted felon and crystal meth dealer in Happening Beach (Contrary to the truth!). Since Walter turned himself in, there’s no bail and pretrial is in four weeks.

With the warrant out on him gone, Walter is in the clear until pretrial, when he needs to bring another $2500 to Wittless. Walt heads home, harnesses up Adolf, and heads to his parents’ house where he whines to his mom about all the liars.

Fight Stats:

• Did Walter fight? No.

Key lines:“Like all typical government employees they are walking around like zombies with nothing to do.”

I’m beginning to have an inkling that maybe Walter Foxx and/or TAnK AbBOtt is an alcoholic who maybe, Maybe has a problem with his rage and perhaps a profound misunderstanding of society and more…common views towards violence. Perhaps it’s just that hes drunk all the time and so he’s always looking for a fight or that hes just one of the biggest meatheads to exist. Seriously when a “roidhead” has more self-control than you do you should seriously take a moment and assess your life. Like sit down Walter, think for a moment, wonder why you are so smart but don’t want to do something that requires a lot of thought (Early modern mma for tank abbott anyway). Does Walter ever actually describe how he is so smart? Because all we seem to get is him saying he’s so smart and then he acts like a spoiled prick whenever he goes to class and somehow doesn’t fail? Did Tank actually put down Jeopardy answers because I think that would be great to just go back and find exactly which Jeopardy Tank watched and said he knew everything in, and psychoanalyze if that was possible.

Guess I will spend a good amount of time listening to Tank Abbott interviews just to see if he keeps the persona or if he has become what he acts like around the cage. What really scares me is that after this a bunch of people who probably should not be writing will be writing books just cause there’s a market. If you have something to add that gives depth and reveals insight into the sport. For Abbott’s book it doesn’t seem like we will get that till the third book and even then with the stuff he has already said it sounds like a rant against current MMA and rules stopping him from soccer kicking a guy.

Can’t wait till the Tito Ortiz talking about how everyone was scared of him for forever and how one guy got super lucky who had help from someone somewhere. Beach Bad Boy!!!