Barack Obama: Top Ten Things The President Told Graduating Students At Barnard College Commencement (SATIRE)

President Barack Obama gave inspiring words of advice to Barnard graduates heading toward a bleak workforce, championing women’s rights, and at the very end of his speech, alluding to his support of legalizing same-sex marriage. Photo: Reuters

10. “Just think, in the half-an-hour I've spoken to you, your average student loan debt has climbed by $1,200!”

9. “As long as we got millions of Starbucks in this country, you kids will always have a job!”

8. “Joe Biden's been talking about same-sex marriage a little too much, if you get my drift.”