Should you tell friends and family about your husband's affair?

One of the first things you're going to want to do once you
have found out that your husband has had an affair is confide
in your family and friends. You're going to be looking for support,
and who can blame you? The problem is that telling those closest
to you will often have an effect on any hope for a marriage
reconciliation.

Rounding up the people around you to be in your corner may
have a profound negative effect on any hope for reconciliation.
You may not be able to completely repair your spousal relationship
once you have told your friends and family. It is hard enough
to get a grip on the thoughts and emotions that you're currently
feeling and sort them out on your own. It can be even harder
when you are exposed to differing opinions and insights.

Your emotions are completely out of control once you have
discovered that an affair has taken place. At one moment you
will be wanting to escape from the world and at the next moment
you'll be wanting comfort from your loved ones.

Getting the right type of support

Dr. Gunzburg, a professional that has been working with married
couples after such a marital crisis, offers the following advice
for finding the right type of support.

1. Selectively confide in people

Before sending out a public broadcast, figure out who you
can trust to be there with you as a true friend. Selectively
confide only in the people that you know will support you and
won't fly off the handle in an all-out campaign against your
partner. That isn't going to prove helpful for anybody in the
end. You need time to think your thoughts out and need to be
surrounded by people that will let you talk to get things sorted.

2. Let your needs be known

Deep down you already know that it is not the best idea to
let everyone around you know about the affair. These are intimate
and personal details that should not be shared with everybody.

Everyone you talk to is going to have their own opinion about
the affair and are going to tell you what they would do if they
found themselves in the same situation. This is all based on
theory and what would happen if the world was perfect. It is
a very striking difference to have something actually happen
to you and have to deal with that than to work with theories
about what you would do if something should happen.

The best thing to do is to let your family and friends know
what you need. It is always best to be truthful and honest when
dealing with your peer support group. If you don't want to hear
their opinions about your situation and don't want any advice,
let them know. Tell them that you are working things out on
your own and only need a friendly ear as a sounding board. Your
true friends and family will respect your wishes and this will
leave you free to ask for advice when you are ready.

3. Don't go through it alone

It is important to have some type of support group in place
to help you get through the painful emotions. As humans we all
need to rely on others to provide strength in times of need.

You'll need help to get through this rough time and you also
must prevent yourself from curling up into a shell and avoiding
the world. When you are able to talk about the affair and the
after-effects your burden will be eased. The more you are able
to talk about your feelings and emotions the more you will be
able to work through the
negative energy and find solutions.

Find a support group that you trust, let them know what you
need and use them to your benefit. You'll discover during this
course of treatment that you have true friends that are really
there for you and will be able to gather more strength to help
you deal with the situation.

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Can YOUR marriage survive your cheating husband's
affair?

Yes... it can. Just like thousands of other couples, you can avoid divorce
after an affair by working together through a marriage-healing plan. You follow
the right steps... in the right order... and end up with a marriage stronger
than it ever was before the infidelity.

Recent studies show divorce doesn't make women happier. And besides that,
if you never work through the trust issues caused by the affair you'll later
find it impossible to trust the next man you get close to.

This site is dedicated to giving you hope. Let us help you and your husband
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