Kris Humphries feels a sudden stab of pain from whatever the hell V.D. he caught from Kim Kardashian

Lots of games tonight, but the matchups aren't as compelling as what we saw the first couple nights of the season. Glad to see we're already back in midseason form, NBA! It is, after all, damn near the midseason... *cough*

Worst of the Night in Pictures:

Norris Cole apparently has two things: scoring touch, and SWAGGER

Glad to see the noogie hasn't gone out of style

During the lockout, Gasol moonlighted as a Muppet

"Okay Kobe, I'm going to move my mouth and point so it looks like I'm coaching, but I know you'll ignore me anyway so just go do whatever."

"Cool, cool."

Nationally Televised Games:Thunder at Grizzlies, NBA TV, 8:00pm: Here's an interesting stat for you: "The Thunder have lost five of their last six at Memphis, with the three-OT game the lone victory." And yet on the same ESPN.com page, they have 97.8% of fans picking the Thunder and only 2.2% picking the Grizzlies in their Streak for the Cash game. Folks, this is why casinos make money. Note that I am not gambling on this game, or any game, because I will lose no matter which side I pick, but still.

Knicks at Warriors, NBA TV, 10:30pm: Can you believe the Knicks haven't started the season 2-0 since 1999? (Who am I kidding? OF COURSE you can believe that.)

All The Other Games:Pacers at Craptors, 7:00pm: Bad blood? The last time these teams played, the Pacers were upset that Leandro Barbosa tried to score with six seconds left instead of dribbling out the clock. Danny Granger said he would have flagrantly fouled Barbosa if he was guarding him, and "Stuff like that will sit in the back of your head the next time we play Toronto." So I look forward to absolutely nothing of interest happening in this game.

Heat at Bobcraps, 7:00pm: Fun fact: the Bobcraps have started the season 2-0 just once in franchise history. Pretty sure that stat will continue to hold true after tonight.

Wizards Generals at Hawks, 7:30pm: Washington has all kinds of in-fighting stemming from displeasure with teammates, coaching styles, and all kinds of crap. And we are just one game into the season! I may have to watch this one -- and all Generals games in the next couple weeks -- using the free NBA League Pass Broadband trial just in case we have a full team brawl. (Any John Wall alley-oops are just icing on the cake)

Cadavers at Pistons, 7:30pm: If the arena music isn't just an endless Sad Trombone loop, there is no justice in the world.

Clippers at Spurs, 8:30pm: As best as I can tell, the Clippers haven't won a game in San Antonio since January 31st 2002. Michael Olowokandi was the leading scorer for the Clippers in that game. I... need to sit down for a minute.

Jazz at Nuggets, 9:00pm: While I'm feeling nostalgic... does anyone else still completely discombobulated for a couple moments every time you look at the Jazz sideline and don't see Jerry Sloan? They should pay him stand there even if he isn't coaching.

76ers at Suns, 9:00pm: I know it's only one game, but it's nice to see Robin Lopez finally show up and put up some decent numbers. We could all use more of the Lopez twins in our lives, couldn't we?

Was at the GSW/NYK game last night. Holy shit the Knicks are a horrible basketball team. Porn Stache is definitely not as much of an offensive guru when his trigger man is Mike Bibby's cadaver. Also Mike Bibby's cadaver couldn't guard the lady Monta Ellis sexually harassed. And the Tyson Chandler signing is a waste of bread. No lobs, cause the Knicks average about 1.2 passes per possession (less if Amare catches pass #1) and i'm sorry, there just is no way to anchor the defensive shit show that is Melo, STAT and Bibby all on the court together.