EVERYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE EPHEMERAL ALLURE OF AN ELEGANT HOUSEWIFE, HER ART, SKILL, IMAGES, EXPERTISE, ATTIRE, LEISURE, JEWELRY, CLIPS AND FANS SALIVATING AT HER INTERRACIAL, SOCCER-MOM, MILF ADVENTURES

Sunday, December 30, 2007

As two sex writers on the brink of breeding, we sometimes foresee a gloomy future—will people really take sex advice from two moms? But then we comfort ourselves with the knowledge that we live in a glorious era in which motherhood has become perversely conflated with bodaciousness: It's the age of the MILF, or, to put it more crassly, the Mom I'd Like to Fuck—an acronym at once repulsive and appealing. The MILF is Stacy's Mom. She's the lady in the Strippercize class. She dresses like a Jersey mob wife, her eye tilted into a perpetual wink. Is she our future?

The evidence surrounds us, from the 25,000-plus MILF-branded mugs and tees on Café Press to a rash of hot-mama books (The Hot Mom's Handbook, Confessions of a Naughty Mommy, The MILF Anthology), television shows ( Desperate Housewives, The Real Housewives of Orange County, the forthcoming contest "Hottest Mom in America," and a pilot in development called MILF & Cookies), and, of course, a concomitant porn genre (though the majority of these films simply feature women in their late twenties or early thirties—dinosaurs in the porn biz—defiling baby-faced "pool boys" and "grocery clerks").

How exactly did a once-taboo erotic fetish become a widespread, culturally sanctioned ideal, a perverse mix of branding and empowerment? After all, a hot mom used to be a tragedy, whether in the literal sense (Oedipus' Mom-I'm-Fated-to-Fuck, Jocasta) or in the bittersweet Mrs. Robinson sense ("Oh, God. Oh, let me out," begs Benjamin Braddock). Alternately, it was an insult: "Oh, yeah? That's not what your mama said last night." A hot mom was by definition a bad mom.

The term's tipping point was the 1999 release of American Pie, in which a designated MILF named simply "Stifler's mom" devirginizes a grateful teen. The film is often credited with coining the acronym; however, poll ten guys who went to college in the early nineties and you'll find eight guys who recall the term fondly (and at least one claiming someone in his hometown invented it). This is all pre-Internet hearsay, of course: The earliest online reference is a 1995 Usenet post about a Playboy pictorial of hot moms. (Unless you count the Moro Islamic Liberation Front, a Muslim separatist rebel group located in the southern Philippines.)

But why the hot mom, and why now? Maybe it has to do with women's procreating later, and being more hesitant to surrender a sexuality they've spent decades building. Maybe it's a looks thing, given that women can—with the aid of Pilates and a discreet tuck—turn back time to a sometimes disturbing degree. Perhaps it's a side effect of the rise of the hipster parenting generation. (What's less hip than having zero sex appeal?) And we can also thank Demi and Madonna for glamorizing May-December relationships.

Then there's the Viagra factor. "There are all these halftime commercials for Viagra shouting at men to take the lead sexually and make love like porn stars," says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., therapist-author of He Comes Next. "There's a lot of performance pressure on guys, so I think the idea of submitting to an older woman who can take charge is incredibly alluring."

But perhaps the weirdest aspect of the MILF phenomenon is how many moms themselves have embraced the term. By donning MILF T-shirts, they've made the I obsolete, declawing the dirty little joke on the playground. (Across the pond, Brits accomplished the same via the more polite term "yummy mummy.")

Jen, a 35-year-old divorced mother of two living in the Hudson Valley, says that in the past three years, she's had more sex than she did in her entire five-year relationship with her ex-husband—and she credits "the whole MILF thing": "It's totally cheesy, but ten years ago, I don't think there would have been so many 23-year-old guys who'd want to sleep with a 35-year-old mom." She estimates that 80 percent of the guys she's dated have been younger. "It's liberating and it's an ego boost—I'll drop my kids off at school and look at the other moms and think, Damn, I look good!"

But in the cultural analysis, not all MILFs are created equal. There's the good MILF: the one who is basically just a happy-go-lucky flirt with a lot of sexual confidence. She's the aforementioned Stacy's Mom, the subject of the Fountains of Wayne anthem of MILFhood—is it her fault that her daughter's boyfriend has a crush? She's just got it going on!

Then there are the MILFs who edge over into the MILF sister-category: the cougar. The punitive term implies an older woman as predator, a showy, sharp-clawed figure who turns the MILF hunter into the hunted. Think of it as a grown-up variant of the Girls Gone Wild phenomenon, except that while we may forgive an 18-year-old her lack of decorum—she was drunk, Joe Francis is a manipulating jackhole, she wanted that baseball hat real bad—her mom is supposed to know better.

Men salivate carnally for Demi twice: because she's had three kids and still moves like a Romanian gymnast; and because she dates an intrument 15 years her junior, who's best known for teenage video pranks on pimply O.C. cast members--and if that doesn't give wannabe MILFapfappers hope, nothing will.

We're not sure if Demi is the result of Pilates or plastic surgery, but after seeing that slow-motion, gymnastic bikini jog in Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, we don't really care. The 42-year-old artiste formerly known as Mrs. Bruce Willis shamelessly takes the Mrs. Robinson crown, which we adorn with a 10, as 10 MILF stars.

Friday, December 28, 2007

The MILF is an army of Muslims that has been fighting the Philippine government for independence since the 1970s (Moro Islamic Liberation Front). Mindanao has long been a troubled place. Both Muslim and Communist insurgents have been fighting the government there for years. There have been kidnappings, church burnings, and countless terrorist grenade attacks both in the hinterlands and in relatively modern cities like Davao and Zamboanga. All of these attacks were dutifully documented by Philippine newspapers. Occasionally they received a wider audience through the foreign media.

The area was Communist-controlled, and in 1988 the insurgency movements in the Philippines were near their high-water mark. The country was still recovering from a serious coup attempt earlier in the year and would suffer an even more serious attack the following year. Several American servicemen were assassinated outside the US bases. There were daily Communist ambushes in the countryside. It was not considered safe to travel between towns at night. The sense of fear for many was real. This gives a totally different meaning to the hedonistic term we are accustomed to as MILF.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Cock Loving Moms is one of many portals into the Dee Cash network. These guys are constantly kicking out new sites with both new and old content. The webmasters have retooled this site in particular and although the content itself breaks no new ground, they have removed the dreaded DRM licensing and videos can now be downloaded. There are close to 100 MILF sets here and although some of the women don't really look that old, it's as good a place as any to join this great network.

Some of the material at Cock Loving Moms looks recycled from other sites, but simply may just be a case of producers passing around MILF models like a joint at a Grateful Dead show. The movies feature all the sex acts we know and love including oral, anal, creampie, and gangbangs. It's as hard as it makes us hard trying to pick favorites amongst this bunch, but we're luvin' Lisa Sparks, who does an outstanding POV bj. After many years, it's good to see Lisa is still enthusiastic about her work. Carrie is a fairly hot blonde we've never seen before and is quite believable as MILF material. Judging by the bedroom banter and the professionally executed fucking and sucking, she is probably a "working girl" of sorts. There are no extensive plots as most vids begin and end on a bed or couch and the short introductory lies are harmless.

The site is cleanly organized, but the indexing is nonexistent, with only one thumb photo presented as a preview. Videos come in one-click mpg files averaging about 250 mb/30 minutes in size and length. Unless we missed them, there were no corresponding photos.

The extras, which make monthly membership a great value, include access to over two dozen sites with a thousand different models presented. Sir Rodney works twenty hours of the day but even he needs some time to peruse these additional full fledged sites. Great JOM can be found at Suck My Dick Now, Look at Me Bitch, Girls Drink Cum, Group Teen Casting, Big Black Pimp, Gag School, Leaking Liquids, Jerk Me Now, and many more. Three thumbs up!

Sir Rodney update: Upon further investigation, it appears the $2.95 trial is a limited one. Go for the gusto and try out the full month's membership which gives you access to all the sites, no cross sells, no hidden charges, and offers 24/7 live member support.