Friday, October 31, 2008

HERES MY LITTLE MAN RIGHT BEFORE HE LEFT TO GO TRICK OR TREATIN. HE LIKES TO POSE IF YOU CANT TELL LOL. AND THERES A PIC OF WHERE ALL THE SHOES STAY AT THE DOOR WAY AND DONT LEAVE PAST THAT POINT HEHEHE. IM JUST STAYING HOME WHILE DAD TAKES HIM OUT, TOO MUCH WALKING FOR ME , PLUS THE'LL BE COMPLANING IM TOO SLOW! GOT A LITTLE SUGER HIGH GOING ON RIGHT NOW FROM THIS REESESTICKS AND REESE FASTBREAK ( SHUSH DONT TELL ANYONE)LOL . I DONT NO WHY IM EATING THIS CANDY ALL IT DOES IT GIVE ME A HEADACHE FROM THE SUGA! HOPE EVERYONE HAS A FUN NITE AND A GOOD WEEKEND. HUGS

6. iv never been to the dentist! but luckley my teeth or in pretty good shape!

wow that was hard, iv guess i dont ever really sit and think about myself. the only things i could really think about were all my complusive behaviors lol like having to have a clean house, no crumbs or dirt on the floors or counters. if i never had to cook on the stove and dirty it up id be so happy. im a crazy girl what can i say. hope you all tell me 6 things about yourself , i love getting to know people. hugs

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

hiya!well went to drs yesterday and he first thing he says to me is what have you been doing and im like say what? he said you test came back all crazy and i was like came back bad? my muscle test came back 6800 wich is bad! when i was there 5 weeks ago it was 2823 so its increased and that would mean my muscles or getting weaker. my muscle test needs to come back 200 for me to be all good. i told him iv felt like something wasnt right that something has changed but nothing to drastic, just more so really tired, weak on and off and just a change than before hard to explain. so basically im falling apart again because hes trying to wean me off the steroid (predisone) and im not responding well to that so the longer i stay on a low dosage im going to fall apart again so he upped my dosage right back where we started in the beginning where it was helping me to get better. hes also got me going to get some blood test to see if i can try out this medicine called rituxan, they are trying it on patients who have muscle disease. so hopefully i can start taking that with the predisone and really start getting better. i had to yell at the boyfriend though and say i told you so. he always thinks im milking things , like when i ask him to help me with soemthing cause i dont feel good, help me get out of the chair etc. he thinks im just being lazy but the truth is i need help sometimes still and he doesnt get that, he says he knows that im going to have good and bad days so why then question me when i need help just help me!!! thats how i feel anyhow. he took real good care of me when i was really sick over the summer but hes not the overly helping type , its more like ask him for help he wont just offer, he claims he dont want me to get too use to his help and relie on him and i get that but still you should help me when i need it exspecially if its small things. so needless to say i dont think he will be questioning me quite as much anymore. so today havent done a darn thing really besides wash clothes. its very windy here and cooooold! bf didnt have any work so he got my son off to school for me and has been playing wii all day, do i sense a problem here lol. i hope he doesnt think hes going to spend hr and hrs playing that darn thing! thanks for all your comments to by the way. as far as insurance im trying to get help but not so easy cause i have a bf of six yrs not married , its my sons father so since we have a kid together and live together but not married they go by his income and he makes to much so it screws me. i have this little insurnace right now called pac but all it pays for his my primary dr and my prescriptions wich does help. doesnt pay for hospital, specialist or anything like that so that where my problem lies. i just thank god that i am able to take care of my muscle problem right now even though its out of pocket. i get all my blood work done everymonth out of pocket and just pay the hospital what i can each month. i dont worry about the debt anymore cause my being alive and getting healthy is more important to me than worrying how much this test is going to cost me you no. i hope everyone is having a good day. hugs

Monday, October 27, 2008

my day just isnt going well! i feel so sick, my gallbladder has been acting up since 3am. i made the mistake of eating a yogurt and special k bar around 9 cause i was hungrey . i started having so much more pain it was making me cry, laid down in bed and tossed and turned and fell asleep for half an hr. im afraid to eat anything the rest of the day cause i cant deal with the pain, the pain i have right now i can tolerate but a fullblown attack noooooooo, plus all i taste is acid in my mouth. i really wish i could just get this gallbladder out but cant cause of no insurnace and if i go to hospital they arent going to help me just send me home and with a bill i dont need so i guess all i can do is feel like crap :( my weekend was okay felt bad all weekend also so didnt leave the house, im sure bf was happy about that, that he didnt have to take me anywhere. he cooked dinner last nite for me but of course i had to clean up but i prefer that anyway cause i like my kitchen cleaned spotless and i would just go back in when he was done cause he doesnt do it to my satisfaction lol. we had baked boneless shake in bake porkchops, mashed potatoes and gravy and corn it was yummo! we bought a wii game system over the weekend also, like we need that! bf wanted it though and he pays the bills so what could i say, plus if your gonna get one better get it now iv been told cause around christmas time they are almost impossible to find or outragously priced. so i played it and its pretty fun, i can see where it can become addicting. he also bought 2 games , sims deserted island or something, and a harry potter one. well gotta get off here i gotta go shower for my drs appt. have a good day. hugs

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

havent wrote for a few days cause my computers been acting up! thanks for all the complements on my new background, i like it too, pretty much! ummmmm not much really been going on, went to a bonfire one nite that was fun roasting weenies, might do that this weekend too. had my nephew sunday( the baby) hes the one that i wanted to watch cause i never get to see him and he was soooooo good for me but i deffiently couldnt of handled him on my own. hes 9months but can crawl and he trys to walk, he gets into everything so it was a good thing bf was around to help me lol. i still really dislike his mother though she just really needs to grow up. i no everyone has faults i have MANY IM NOT PERFECT! but i realize my faults! this girl thinks she has none and dont take advice well......... anyway she sends him to my house with no wipes, no milk for his bottles, a onesie with food all over it , that its not warm enough for him to wear anyway it was 60 degrees here, no toys, 4 diapers wich went to 3 cause i had to change him when he got here and then his carseat was all wet. i had him for 6hrs, 3 diapers is cutting it close! i just feel so sorry for this baby, if shes a good mother id really like to give her that benifit but i dont see it happening. finally got my sons halloween costume, hes gonna be handy manny, hes a animated tool guy on disney channel i think? has talking tool belt, its cute! plus bonus we got it half off it was on sale, i love when i find stuff on sale! went and got my monthly blood work done yesterday and go see specialist monday to see how my muscles or doing so looking forward to that, i think it will be good results! hmmmmmm what else think. think. :) got some body spray i love wich everyone else out there must love too cause they were all out of the normal size body spray and only had little bottles and werent getting anymore in anytime soon, its vanilla sugar from bath and body works. bf dont like it but i dont CARE! lol. well i guess thats it for now, not alot going on. hope everyone is hav ing a good week, its going by fast! hugs

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

just wanted to say thank you to the ones that tryed to help me with my blog, you were a big help! and thank you to my new followers and your kind comments! im really loving reading all about everyone and how their lives are and how we all are soooo different! my day didnt amount to much, same ole same. i acually was in a bit of a mood, i wanted to go somewheres so bad for some reason, just wanted to get out the house but couldnt. i dont drive much and havent driven since hmmmmm may? dont like to drive and only drive if i have too, plus are car isnt too reliable so im always worried im gonna break down and its the only one we have. so anyway bf didnt wanna go anywhere :( so im like restless do you no what i mean?????? my son has off school friday was hoping to go to fridays market in pa its a amish type flea market place, lots of great stuff but i no that wont happen. bf has to work and i wouldnt want him to take off exspecially with how slow work is now anyway. i really think im pmsing or something im sitting here and im irrated when i think about stuff thats bothering me. i wish i had more friends, more people to hang out with cause i dont have many im close with from moving so much , plus im shy and and cant make friends easly cause i just dont no how to. i guess what im mad about is my friend who i use to be best friends with just doesnt have time for me and it drives me crazy and come to find out just the other day she was around my way she lives about 35 to 45 mins away from me. i havent seen this girl in a year and all the escuses are gas prices, work, busy busy, i get that. but her brother moves 5 mins away from me and shes right there, did she stop by to see me no!!!!!!!! but i get emails from her saying how she misses me and worrys about me etc etc but she just doesnt make the effort to show it! i hate when people talk but dont do the actions, like saying they love you but dont show it, show me darn it! i dont no if im making any sense or not lol. i just hate that the weekends comeing up and ill be stuck home cause everyones too busy for me and bf will be out enjoying haunted houses and trails with his boss and friends while i sit home, granted i could go but its not a good idea with me not getting around as good and dont wanna fall, trip while im walking in the dark etc etc. i really dont no what my problem is but its bugging me. sorry just needed to vent.maybe i should just go to bed ......... i would if i was tired! lol i think i need a hobby or something, something other than reading lol something to keep me busy and quit worrying about all the things i cant do right now. oh well............... hope everyone has a great thursday! hugs

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

okay stupid question........ im sure youve already told me how to but just tell me again :P i wanna change my background to something halloweenish and found a template but cant figure out where i put the code. can you help me and remember im slow lol. hugs

Heather, over @ corset, asked for some participation of her readers and so here is my answers to her questions.

1. I have several bible verses that I have committed to memory that give me strength when I am discouraged. Can you share a few of your favorite? Or maybe just a quote or passage or song lyric that you find empowering? / i dont really know any verses or quotes, i just make sure i remind myself no matter how hard it is to do that sometimes that someone out there has bigger problems then me and has gone thrue more. i just try to appreciate what i have because it can be taken away from you! and talking to people help me get thrue things.

2. What would you consider your "lean" years as far as finances are concerned? Many might say college - or when they were newly married. Tell me about your hard times and how you survived... ramen noodles? I may glean some tips that help us get through! / well right now isnt too bad for us still have some tax money :) but every winter it is hard! work gets slow and so no work means dont get payed and we get behind on bills but somehow we make it thrue. im a sahm so that doesnt help, but cant afford daycare and with being sick that doesnt help. we eat alot of bolonge and hotdogs, cheap meals! and try to cut out what exspenses you dont need

3. I'm interested in your love stories. It's discouraging to not be "lucky in love". My first marriage was abyssmal. My second marriage was, without a doubt, the greatest disappointment I've ever faced. I want to hear stories about how you may have given up on finding someone special and ended up meeting him... / the man im with is my longest relationship ever, weve been together 6yrs, before that i was only with guys maybe 8months? i met him thrue my sister, hes already been married i havent. we have a open, honest relationship and i love him dearly and hope to marry him one day. we have are bad days too but i truly believe if you have trust and honesty in your relationship you can make it!

4. I'm loving having TV again after 3 weeks of not really watching. I'm a big tv junkie. My favorite show right now is Jon & Kate Plus 8... what show are you watching obsessively and why?/ i like john and kate plus 8 too, diners drivein and dives, kitchen nitemares, hells kitchen, biggest loser etc

I'm also a big magazine reader. I love People, Shape, Self, Weight Watchers, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping... lots and lots of random mags. What magazine do you never miss? Why?/ i read the country magazine sometimes and people at the store but dont get any sent to my house right now :( mostley read books!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Well its monday again yay, NOT! i just really hate mondays for somereason. iv felt so bad today, iv been in bed all day just got up to get my son on the bus and get something to eat, other than that in bed. i called in my prescription for predison and it went thrue but when bf went to pick it up yesterday at walmart they said i had no more refills, even my bottle said i had refills i dont no what was up with that. so needless to say i couldnt take my meds today and i didnt really realize how fast and how bad i would feel, my body was hurting all over and had a migraine all day. i wont be waiting till the last minute to call in my prescription again!!!! i did get them though, called my dr although he took all day to call it in but i took them and feel so much better! saterday i went and seen my father in Delaware, i havent seen him since feburary. i love him soooo much he lives alone and i worry about him and i would see him more but we arent that close and plus i was sick so i couldnt get out to see him. we stopped by we had to go to best buy near him to get my washer. it was great seeing him and i realize iv gotta try more to see him even though he doesnt try, hes my only father and iv already lost my mother at a young age. so trying to catch up on laundry, around here a few days not washing we get backed up!!!!hope everyone has a good week. hugs

Friday, October 10, 2008

Today is weigh in day at the club and i gained this week :( im just so swelled up i cant get a break plus my scale keeps changing its mind, one minute it says one thing the next it says another. if i was smart i would just weigh one time but noooooo i gotta keep getting on the darn thing and then its always heavier geez! sooooooo guess what................ my washer decided to die last nite and this was after i had filled it with clothes, it was filled with water to the top and even had detergent and it didnt even start to wash and bam it wont work no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now granted we didnt buy this washer i live in a rental duplex, it was old but i really dont think the landlord is going to replace it :( so now we are going to have to buy a new one. wich im excited to get a new one just dont wanna spend the money. i seen one in the paper for $318 on sale it was a whirlpool but dang thats still alot of money to me lol. i think we are going to check out the scratch and dent place first though, anyway to save money i say, who cares what it looks like as long as its new or newer and runs! but............ now i have the lucky job of wringing out the clothes in the washer and pailing out the water so we can get the washer out of here, lucky me! so off to do that............. hope everyone has a great friday! hugs

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Heres a pic of my baby, he drives me crazy everyday and makes me wonder can i handle this mom thing but i cant see my life any other way! i hope to one day have a little girl but dont no if that will happen. with my disease my dr said it wouldnt be a good idea or at least not right now and plus im too fat, dont need to gain anymore weight lol. so until then.......... This was his first day of pre-k this year.

sooooooo my chicken noodle soup turned out Great! i didnt get a chance to take a pic . i know it was good cause my boyfriend is sooooo picky and he ate it up so ill have to try to make some other kind of soup one day. we went to karaoke last nite for only about an hr but it was nice, nice to see some regulars i havent seen in awhile. wednesdays are burger nite there so that what we got but i got mine to go, cant eat then sing. i got to sing 2 songs, trisha yearwood - baby i lied and unforgettable by nat kind cole ? i sang this with a guy that goes there that can sing really good, he sings alot of frank sonatra songs. got alot of compliments on my singing wich always makes me feel good, like i said its been awhile like 5 months since iv been to karaoke and i was feeling a little rusty plus i get nervous being infront of people. if i could live my dream right now it would be to be a country singer, its my life! to never sing again i think i would just die. iv been asked to be in bands and told to go to american idol , contest etc but i just dont do it cause i cant handle people looking at me and setting myself up for failure. and im not being cocky i know i can sing good just dont want people thinking im full of myself cause im not! isnt that funny that me admitting i sing good makes me feel bad and so full of myself, why cant i say something good about myself without feeling that way? but anyway......... my son had fun, normally i would sing a song with him but we didnt have time, he would of wanted to sing a taylor swift song or hanna montanna he loves them girls! the older ladies there were trying to get him to dance with them and giving him candy to be his girlfriend, it was sooooo cute! i said man the ladies love you huh and he was like yea and grinning! he was so hard to get up this morning very grumpy but i figured it would be that way since he didnt go to bed till after 10, we were home by nine but he didnt want to go to sleep. todays just been another day, might go to the doller store later to get some picture frames for his school pic, it turned out great! sorry if my blog is boring but to be honest i dont have an exciting life its pretty boring honestly so thanks to all that still come by and read and leave comments, i look forward to them! hope you are having a good day! hugs

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Okay so im trying to figure out where to put my playlist code, can someone tell me please :) im surprised i even figured out how to make a playlist lol................ . im making chicken noodle soup for the first time, yes i repeat for the first time eva!!!!!!! i dont no how to cook that good, im a cook from a box kind of girl pretty much! so anyway cooking soup in my crockpot, i put in it broth, chicken, tyme, bay leave, corn, carrots, potatoes, onion and going to add egg noodles eventually, i have no room right now. hope it turns out good, smells good, might have to take a pic lol but then i wouldnt no how to put it on here probobly.............. todays been an okay day mood wise, just sooooooo tired all the time, guess its from my decrease in meds, weaning me off the steroid and believe me i can tell quite a difference! my weights up today still swollen all over but feel okay, as okay as i can be i guess. i was looking at the angels jim shore makes from heartwood creek on ebay, they are sooooo beautiful! i have one that my sister gave to me, its a sister one and i bought her an angel last christmas, thats what im getting her this christmas too. i wanna start collecting them and so does she. so i was looking at them and trying to figure out wich one to get her next cant quite decide, it will take me forever to decide! well hope everyone is having a great day. hugs

Monday, October 6, 2008

So i had a pretty nice weekend, my sister in law took my son saterday till sunday at 4, we didnt ask she offered, gotta love her!!! saterday me and bf went to oxford pa to this little amish farmers market, they have lots of amish furniture wich are beautiful id never be able to afford it! and they have little things for your outside water fall things and birdhouses etc, just country looking stuff wich I LOVE! got some yummy freshly made pretzels omg they were so good. went to the amish grocery store next but they didnt really have anything much different than your normal grocery store so i wasnt that awed. spent the nite at home cause we couldnt find anyone to go out with but it was nice to just have some quite without my son around. yesterday just went to wally mart and got me a squarecrow for my front yard and a nice smelling candle, i burn candles all year long , i cant get enough of them. so that was really about it just stayed around the house yesterday we were too tired or too lazy to do much :) im soooooo tired right now i could take a nap and just might after a while, after i read my book. im suppose to be taking my nephews baby one day to spend some time with him cause i never get to see him, hope i dont regret it. 1 do i have enough strength to deal with a 7month old who can crawl all around and get into things and 2 do i remember what all to do lol, it makes me nervous thinking about it but i wanna see him and bf will be off work before i no it and can help me. theres one thing his mother did to him that i just hate though, hes a boy and she went and got his ear pierced! so now when my sister has him for the day when she takes him places people think hes a girl and she has to explain. who does that to a BOY baby 7months old. his mother is only like 20 if that explains anything, shes real imature if you ask me. but anyway what can i do........... well that about all i have to say right now im too sleepy :P have a great day! hugs

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Its a sunny chilly day here, its my kind of weather! should hopefully knock the grumpyness and blues out of me! Didnt end up going out last nite, 8 aclock rolled around and i said naaaa dont wanna go, had a massive headache by then and was just miserable, no since spreading my bad attitude around. just made a sandwich for dinner and watched some tv, nothing special. at least i have one thing to be happy about im down on the scale today , down 7 pds since tuesday! i figured it would be a loss cause i peed soooooo much yesterday lol. my weigh in for my group the dietbusters is tomm, me and my partner jeanne were the biggest losers last week but i dont no about this week. It isnt looking to good on my end :( but all i know is it isnt from me eating bad cause iv been really trying to work on that and have been paying attention to what i eat and when. today at my sons school , hes in pre-k they go to the library and get to pick out a book and then next thursday turn it back in and get a new one. he loves this day, i think i look forward to it just as much as he does :P , i love to read and love to see what hes picked out! still have no clue what hes going to be for halloween, there just isnt any good custumes out there unless your a girl i feel. im not talented enough or crafty enough to make something up. it will end up being a last minute thing im sure but at least i know what ever it is we will get are moneys worth, he was spiderman last year and still wears his custume around the house, its seen better days by now lol. well thats its for now .................. have a great day! hugs

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

omg if my son says no to me one more time today im gonna go crazy! when i ask him to do something its no............ i hope hes gonna out grow this cause momma dont like it! im sooooo moody today, dont wanna talk to NO ONE and everyone is irratating me, same thing yesterday. i was getting all upset over little things and wanting to cry lol. i think we are going to karaoke tonite at this place called beach combers. going to take our son with us because we are going to have dinner first then karaoke starts at 8 and we normally leave by 9:30, wich cause my sons with us we have to leave the bar/ restaurant by 10 anyway. this will be the first time iv been to karaoke since may, i use to go at least every other weekend until i became sick. this week seems to be going by fast, tomm is thursday already yay! i wish i new how to get pretty pictures on my blog like everyone else, im sooooo slow at this! well hugs to everyone! have a good nite

About Me

Im 30, im shy but outspoken. i have a boyfriend of 7yrs, a 6yr old son and a cat named lola and puppy gummybear. I was diagnosed with polymyositis/muscle disease in August "08 and am in treatment. Little by little im getting better and hope to one day be my normal self again or as close to it. I also am trying to loose weight for what seems like will be the rest of life but im no quitter!Thank you for stopping by!