Tag Archives: ladder theory

The prospect of being able to get a more attractive and hotter girl from another country as your wife is what appeals to many foreign bride seekers. However, this could be a recipe for disappointment. You need a good idea of how beautiful a foreign bride you can get.

I know how this starts. Most men begin their search on-line. They are bombarded by profiles of women and photos of women in suggestive poses that wouldn’t give him the time of day in America under normal circumstances. Advertising strongly implies that these long-haired beauties are fed up with their local men and want to marry a foreign man. Your looks don’t matter! He’s skeptical but he signs up for free at one of the sights, creates a profile and uploads his photos. Responses start rolling in. Many of them are scammers but some are genuine. Even the genuine replies are coming from some pretty hot women.

This is much different from the daily grind of approaching women online or in public in America. He thinks he’s struck gold!

NOW STOP!

You know that new sense of euphoria that you’re getting from being a desired commodity? That’s what the average American woman feels between the ages of 15 and 35. She gets a ton of interest from the opposite sex and she feels she can pick and choose based on increasingly superficial criteria until at around 35 when she hits the wall and wonder where all the good men are. It’s because she was too picky. She was that kid in a candy store that passed over all the different types of candy until the store closed and now she’s stuck with nothing.

Don’t fall in this trap. Don’t think you can hold out or trade up to hotter and hotter women, because there are limits. It’s not that you’ll end up with nothing. The hotties will be more than happy to go out with you (for a price), but your goal should be a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage. You aren’t the only guy looking abroad and she is going to pick a man that she thinks is suitable for her.

Humans often practice assortative mating. This is the tendency of an individual to mate with someone who has similar attributes to yourself. Colloquially this is described as dating within your league or ladder theory in some places on the internet. It’s not that humans make a conscious decision to do this. Many do aim out of their league to try to improve their lives but they are often rejected because their romantic interest is also trying to mate with the best that she can.

If most beautiful people are rated as a 10 on a scale of 1-10 that means they are in high demand and can be more selective. If they do make a choice, they will choose a 10 as well. The rest of us have to settle for lower on the scale, but not too low! What happens under this selection criteria is that the dating and marriage market tends to stratify. 10’s will pair off with 10’s. 5’s with 5’s and 2’s with 2’s.

This is idealized but you get the point. There is often couples that have a point or two difference. You can often see a 5 with a 7, because circumstances vary and change. Maybe one partner doesn’t realize his intrinsic attractiveness. Maybe they were well matched in the past but one partner let himself go. Maybe there was something quirky about him that turned off some women in his league but somebody else higher up found authentic and endearing.

But most people think that a difference of two between levels of attractiveness is the maximum. Anything more strains credibility. If you see a 4 with a 9, for example, then there has to be an overriding factor. Often it boils down to money. But there could also be self-esteem issues, or perhaps the marriage was arranged.

This is what you need to keep in mind to achieve the best outcome when searching for foreign brides. Be mindful of your own attractiveness when deciding who to contact. Your search will be a lot less expensive and frustrating and you’ll be better off for it.

This dose of realism isn’t bad news. You will certainly end up with a more beautiful wife than what you are capable of obtaining back at home. You are likely to score the full two points higher than you on attractiveness. The fact that you are from a more economically developed country is a plus. So if you are a 5 (average attractiveness), then you should be able to obtain a 7 easily. Most people consider 7’s to be attractive so you’re doing great for yourself. If you aim for a ten, you may get her, but people will suspect things like she only married you for the citizenship to your country. That’s assuming the relationship even lasted that long.

It’s a pretty sweet deal to be an American woman (AW), especially when dating. All a woman needs to do is giver her phone number to a man who is hitting on her, answer her phone when it rings, accept a date, show up (conservatively dressed so he doesn’t get the wrong idea), enjoy a nice evening (all expenses paid) while enduring some mundane or mildly interesting conversation, complain about the issues that bother her during dinner such as the pay gap, the glass ceiling or starving children in Africa (it’s free therapy), and possibly have sex if she’s in the mood. Rinse and repeat. If a woman plays her cards right she can arrange one such date every day of the week. She’s a kid in a candy store when dating in the US.

While she’s dating, the hypergamous nature of AW mean that they are always looking for the bigger and sweeter deal. It would be too easy to call them gold diggers and it’s an oversimplification. The phenomenon I’m describing has evolutionary roots. Women have evolved to look for providers and protectors in order to help perpetuate the human species. Having a good enough provider meant that, while her efforts were devoted to keeping the home warm and raising the children, a man who was good enough at protecting and providing for the home allowed her to do so. So women had incentives to seek men who can make more than them, and if a man wanted a woman as a partner, he had to be that man who the women desired. In the distant past, this meant hunting, fighting wars and building things like aqueducts, which were all hazardous professions. In more recent times it means bringing home a paycheck.

But now that system has changed dramatically. Women are now making their own money and it’s on equal parity with what men are making for the same experience and work. This means that she can provide for herself. The demographics in this country show that more and more women are living by themselves than ever before, so they don’t even need a man to keep a roof over their heads. But this doesn’t mean that she’s no longer following her evolutionary imperative. She’s still seeking men that can provide even more security in her life so she’s still going to keep looking up for better and better men. At the same time men are striving to be better in response with varying degrees of success causing a very broad distribution in incomes and stations in life, which allow women to leap from one man to another, making it easier to climb the economic ladder. Women used to be shamed for taking on too many lovers or were at least pressured into marrying at an early age as is currently the case in many traditional societies. However, social forces have mitigated these traditional pressures in America, so an American woman can leap from one man until the next until her biological clock starts ticking in her late 20’s to early 30’s.

In the end, it’s hypergamy run amok. I suspect that few AW are even conscious of how they are acting, and the ones that do make conscious decisions along these lines won’t admit it out loud. But every American man (AM) who has found himself traded in by an AW for a man slightly better off in life knows this reality all too well. Even if the AW does something stupid like get addicted to drugs, drop out of school or get pregnant, causing her to fall off the ladder, big brother government is there with the safety net. If the AW discovers that she married the wrong type of man, she can divorce and be assured of a favorable settlement in family court. She can’t lose!

Some men have adapted to these social changes and tailored their relationship strategies to pick up and seduction with sex instead of marriage being the ultimate goal. Others are simply going to try to wait it out and go after the left over women that fell off the ladder.

The few men that can think outside the box are going to change venues! They are going to go to foreign countries such as Russia and the FSU to try their luck!

Searching abroad for a wife won’t be an easy task but it shifts some factors in your favor:

First, Russian women (RW) still have the hypergamous instinct their American counterparts have, but since RW earn a lot less, an AM will often easily satisfy her desire to marry a man who is at a higher economic level on the ladder than her. It’s a lot easier to meet this criteria with a RW.

Second, a RW’s biological clock starts ticking much earlier than with an AW. RW still get pressure from their families and society around their teens to early twenties to settle down with a man. A RW feels she doesn’t have very much time to fulfill her hypergamous instinct to climb the economic ladder.

Lastly, many RW are still trying to get on the ladder to begin with. In the US, a woman’s ability to climb the economic ladder is directly proportional to her looks. A woman who rates an 8-10 on the looks scale has more incentive to climb the ladder since most men on the ladder are willing to date her. A woman who rates a 1 or 2 may not even try. So if you’re and average Joe meeting an AW who is an 8-10, you have to wonder when she fell off that ladder and why? In the case of RW, it isn’t uncommon to meet attractive women who are still trying to get on the ladder. She’s often surrounded by Russian men who may not have a lot to offer, and the ones that do have harems already or have married. This doesn’t mean that such women are chaste, naive virgins, but it does mean she will likely see you as a good sturdy step on that ladder.

In the recent past in the US, a man just needed a steady job with a decent income to get an AW. Not anymore. This is still the case in Russia.