New York Jets, Scared of Scary New York, Tell Tim Tebow Not to Move to Den of Sin

So we’ve been toying with the idea of putting together one of those clever, linkbaity where-should-Tim-Tebow-move stories, but it turns out the exercise would be moot. Just as Jeremy Lin wound up in Westchester like so many of his teammates—but not all of them—the pigskin Jesus will almost certainly move to Jersey. Somewhere like Alpine or Short Hills or just maybe next door to his new intercity rival in Hoboken.

And that is exactly where the New York Jets—despite the team name—want him, according to a rather zany report from Fox News. Because New York is basically Sodom and Gomorrah in Rex Ryan’s eyes.

Jets officials are strongly encouraging new recruit Tim Tebow to live in New Jersey to keep him as far away as possible from the temptations of New York’s nightlife, a source close to the team has said.

While believing the quarterback will be a great asset on the field, off it they think Tebow — a teetotaler and virgin who is saving himself for marriage — will need to have his hand held.

“The team will encourage Tebow to live in New Jersey near the practice facility,” the source said. “They are not going to want him to be influenced and distracted in the city.”

Broadway Joe he ain’t.

To be fair, it would make absolutely no sense to move to Manhattan anyway. As Chris Christie likes to point out, the Jets practice in New Jersey, play in New Jersey and, as far as we can tell, all live in New Jersey. Can you blame them? Who would want to battle bridge and tunnel traffic after a long day on the field.

Though maybe if Mr. Tebow can walk on water, he can bypass the trans-Hudson traffic.