Support for Family Issues

Friendship_

It is important for women and girls to understand etiquette and perfect lady manners even more so in this modern world. Being feminine is almost a lost art these days! It's a wonderful way to help females grow into ladies. Make no mistake all ladies are women, but not all women are ladies. So women are to mentor the young to encourage genteel behavior and educate the next generation on the arts of womanhood.

To be cultured and well mannered requires self discipline and focus. And also in this fast paced world of me me me ...... someone needs to speak up and remind women and girls we have a higher place to dwell in. Not in the dregs of society with the rude and uncaring, but rather to attain to a place of honor and respect.

When I was little, I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,And then I started to become a woman.And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,God would show you the best in many friends

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man. Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom. Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities. Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be. One friend will say, ' Let's cry together, 'Another, ' Let's fight together, ' Another, ' Let's walk away together. '

One friend will meet your spiritual need,Another your shoe fetish,Another your love for movies,Another will be with you in your season of confusion,Another will be your clarifier, Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,On whatever the occasion,On whatever the day, Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back, Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself .. Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman,But for many, it's wrapped up in several.. One from 7th grade,One from high school, Several from the college years, A couple from old jobs,On some days your mother, On some days your neighbor,On others, your sisters,And on some days, your daughters.

So whether you lived for 10 years or 110 years,Take notice to the women that God has placed in your lifeTo make a difference.

A faithful friend is a strong defense: and he that hath found such an one hath found a treasure.

Every woman wants a true friend. But finding such a friend can be a lifelong pursuit. Females search among many women- making mistakes of her trust and treasures along the way. "Oops"' she says to herself - "I don't think we are on the same page here - better move on". And so she does, sometimes to no hurt on both sides, sometimes with plenty hurt equally.

Still some are more affected by it, than others, based on their personality types. The Sanguine woman is a people person and she needs the support and friendship of many friends fo laugh and cry with. The Melancholy woman not so much, she is focused inwardly and analyzes all her conversations doubting herself and others motives. The Choleric woman is a strong leader who needs friends to bounce ideas off of. The Phlegmatic woman is a loyal and true friend often of the other types of personalities. Once made a friend - they stay a friend,

In my life I have found many friends that were brought into my life for seasons - not for life. Some remain in my heart and are remembered fondly, as life and circumstances caused our paths to grow apart, Others it's with pain when I think of them, for their actions towards me were unjust and betraying. I personally have found a handful of friends in my lifetime. And not all of them are for the same reasons. Some are in the same line of work as I am, my peers, Others are at church and we do ministry together well. Then there are personal friends to mention - that have nothing to do with work - just good to be with during life's ebbs and flows.

I have tried to be friends with women who snubbed me, or ignored my tentative reaching hand to them, And on several occasions I have had special planned events and invited women to attend - which they did for several years in a row. But all to no avail - they never called, or reached back for me. So I stopped trying - it was pointless in this particular group. And so I know about trying to find good friends. And sometimes family members are not the right choice for a good friendship either. Too many other issues

But the heart of a woman continues to look for a friend to share good and bad with. So..... how to find one?

1.Ask God to be your friend. And then be aware when He is!

2. Be open to new women you are introduced to. Don't ignore them - they might prove to be the best friend ever!

3. Be a friend to those who are around your life right now. Start where you are - not with empty words and cards, but with actions. Then see how they respond back to you. It might be a mutual connection.

4. Stay true to your character - it's the most important part of finding the right kind of friend.

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women. It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research---most of it on men---upside down. "Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers.

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight." "In fact," says Dr. Klein,"it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the "fight or flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men", says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone---which men produce in high levels when they're under stress---seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. Estrogen", she adds,"seems to enhance it."

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded", says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were ontosomething."

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol. "There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight! And that's not all! When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of "Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998). "Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson. "We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have unpressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

A man was exploring caves by the Seashore. In one of the caves he found a canvas bag with a bunch of hardened clay balls. It was like someone had rolled clay balls and left them out in the sun to bake. They didn't look like much, but they intrigued the man, so he took the bag out of the cave with him. As he strolled along the beach, he would throw the clay balls one at a time out into the ocean as far as he could.

He thought little about it, until he dropped one of the clay balls and it cracked open on a rock . Inside was a beautiful, precious stone!

Excited, the man started breaking open the remaining clay balls. Each contained a similar treasure. He found thousands of dollars worth of jewels in the 20 or so clay balls he had left.

Then it struck him. He had been on the beach a long time. He had thrown maybe 50 or 60 of the clay balls with their hidden treasure into the ocean waves. Instead of thousands of dollars in treasure, he could have taken home tens of thousands, but he had just thrown it away!

It's like that with people. We look at someone, maybe even ourselves, and we see the external clay vessel. It doesn't look like much from the outside. It isn't always beautiful or sparkling, so we discount it.

We see that person as less important than someone more beautiful or stylish or well known or wealthy. But we have not taken the time to find the treasure hidden inside that person.

There is a treasure in each and every one of us. If we take the time to get to know that person, and if we ask God to show us that person the way He sees them, then the clay begins to peel away and the brilliant gem begins to shine forth.

May we not come to the end of our lives and find out that we have thrown away a fortune in friendships because the gems were hidden in bits of clay. May we see the people in our world as God sees them.

I am so blessed by the gems of friendship I have with you. Thank you for looking beyondmy clay vessel

by Maya Angelou'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man should haveto seek Him first to find her.' When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.' When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide. When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on. When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess. When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it. When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain ..I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name. When I say ... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!'

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day drinking iced tea and visiting with her mother. As they talked about life, marriage, the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood. The mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance at her daughter. "Don't forget your sisters", she advised, swirling the tea leaves in the bottom of her glass, "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you will still need your sisters. Remember that "sisters" means ALL the women...your girlfriends, your daughters and all your female relatives, too. You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advise', the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple world?I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But the young woman listened to her mother. She kept contact with her sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after the other, she gradually came to understand that her mom really know what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changer and their mysteries upon a woman, sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After many years of living in this world, here is what I have learned:

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up and away.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't always do what they are supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT...Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her can reach. When you have to walk that lonesome valley, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they even break the rules and walk beside you...or come in and carry you out. Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, nieces, cousins and extended family...all bless our lives!

The world wouldn't be the same without women and neither would I. When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys and sorrows that lay ahead nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still. Short and very sweet...there are many angels in the world. Some are sleeping peacefully...some are playing...and one is reading her e-mail at this moment.

I pray this site will be an encouragement to every woman and girl who visits here. Some are touched personally by cancer, while others can only watch their loved ones and friends from the sidelines of life. I know it's scary and fear lurks around at every thought and mental image. But this can also be a touchstone in your life, bringing you to a new awareness and blessedness of being whole inside.

We are made up of a group of women who have traveled the road before you and hopefully we can help you overcome and sidestep the pitfalls of life. So welcome to Role Models of America! Come travel with those of us - your sisters in life, and learn to smile, and enjoy life in a new way. God knows what is happening to you right now, and He does care. We pray for every woman who visits RMA - there are many miracles you will read about here. Be encouraged - you are not alone, but rather loved and cared for by the Father!