Letting Go and Moving On

In our lives, we have times of transition. Some of these transitions can cause upheaval and propel us to walk down a path we are not really wanting to walk down.

This has been the direction my life has been taking the past few years. A little over three years ago, my husband and I felt God directing us to sell our home. We spent a lot of time praying over this and let me tell you, this was an extremely difficult thing for me. I absolutely loved that house and location. It was my dream home. It was at the bottom of the mountain with an amazing view and I did not want to give up that home. I wept a lot of tears over giving up what I felt like was a dream come true for me. This was the second house my husband and I had bought in our over thirty years of marriage. We lived in our first home for twenty-three of those years and in my “dream home” which we bought, for the next eleven years. My childhood and teen years we lived pretty close to poverty level and from the time I was 15 till I got married at 21, my mom moved us seven times. That evened out to once a year for six of those years and twice for the seven year.

I have always had a difficult time with change. Growing up, my life was extremely chaotic, stressful, and the complete opposite of a place of rest and peace. Because of that, when I felt I had settled into a place that brought me a measure of peace and contentment, any changes left me feeling uneasy and anxious.

This house at the bottom of the mountains, on a quiet, country road, was the first place where I felt safe, peaceful, and contented. In my entire life, this was the place where I had felt the most joy and happiness. What I came to realize and would learn through this process of selling our house would change my life.

Once we put the house on the market, I felt like I was on an expressway to a “destination unknown.” Within a week, our house was sold. When we knew we were to sell the house, we began praying about where we were to live next. My husband made the comment one day about us buying a camper and living in it for a while. He was not really serious about that, but I felt this strong prompting inside that we were to do that. Now I loved camping and we had done a lot of camping over the years of our marriage. When we decided to sell our house, some deep-rooted fears and insecurities were awakened in me. The thought of actually living in a camper for more than just a week-long camping trip really stirred up those fears to the point of panic.

For years I had dealt with some claustrophobia issues. If you read my previous blog, I talked about my fear of tunnels, mountains, and bridges. The thought of living in a camper, a place that was considerably smaller than any house I had ever lived in, caused me to have panic attacks. The house we were selling had a large open space for the living, kitchen, and dining areas. The entire house was very spacious. A camper, in my opinion, was definitely was not roomy.

We purchased a 30-foot camper with two slide outs. For a camper, this was a fairly large size, but to me, however, it was still pretty small! About two weeks before we were to move out of our home, when I would think about living in the camper, my heart rate would increase, I couldn’t breathe, and panic would well up inside of me. It was rough. After we moved into the camper it got worse. Some nights when I would lay in my bed, I felt the walls closing in on me like they would crush me, and I couldn’t breathe!

This whole experience was a time of growth for me. It revealed some things in me that I didn’t even realize were there. I always knew I had some claustrophobia issues, but never realized how much they kept me from doing certain things. I spent a lot of time praying, speaking specific scriptures over myself, worshipping through music to and over myself, and crying out to God! He got me through it! He actually delivered me from it and I have been able to do things I couldn’t do before, like driving in mountains, cross large bridges, go into tunnels, all without fear. We lived in our camper for six months. It was truly a time of growth and transition.

As I walked down the road of letting go of my “dream house”, I had some major revelations about how much I didn’t really trust God to keep me safe, to truly want to give me the best. I came to realize that to me having this “dream-house” meant that I had “arrived”. It made me feel safe and secure, as well as accepted, and very important. Growing up, I felt shame because of the many things that happened, where and how we lived was a chapter in that book of shame. I didn’t realize that shame was attached to my feelings of giving up my “dream home”.

I realized that parts of my identity were connected to having this house. Having a nice, large house made me feel like people wouldn’t look down on me anymore or label me in a certain way. I came to realize that I had actually put that label on myself. I thought that to be someone important, to have people think highly of me, to not associate me with my childhood and how I grew up, I needed to have this nice looking, bigger house to feel like I belonged. With our culture and lifestyle here in America, I believe it is easy to get caught up in the trap of comparing ourselves, what all we have compared with what those around us have. We compare not only our homes and lifestyles, but how we look, what our children are doing and what we ourselves are doing to be considered a “success”. What this does is cause disappointment, discontentment, and unhappiness with the blessings Father God has already given us. It can also cause us to feel depression, insecurity, even resentment.

An important key I have found during this journey of letting go and moving on, is to know whose I am and who the great I AM is to me. I am a daughter of the King and my Father looks at me so differently than I often look at myself. Father God, the great I AM ALWAYS wants the best for me. He is always taking care of me. I can trust Him with where I live and what I have. I can trust Him with every part of my life. My identity is not in how nice of a house I live in, what kind of a car I drive, nor is it in how many possessions I have! My identity is in God the Father – in who He created me to be. It is about how much He accepts and loves me, unconditionally and is not based on what I have. I don’t need to have what others have to be loved, accepted or a success. I find I have all of that in Jesus Christ when I seek to find my identity in Him alone! That brings me peace and I don’t need to fear the future any longer.

My husband and I recently purchased another home. It is a much smaller house than the last one we owned, and it is different than what I was expecting we would get, or even what I thought I wanted. I’m feeling really blessed these days with our charming little ranch house, but I’m still learning and continue to grow in how to walk in my identity being in Christ. It’s still a choice I have to make to let go of my doubts and fears and instead totally trust my Abba Father to take care of me and keep me safe.

I leave you with this verse that has become very precious and special to me. It is Psalms 23:1-2 and I love how the Passion Translation reads.

The Lord is my best friend and my shepherd. I always have more than enough.

He offers a resting place for me in His luxurious love.

His tracks take me to an oasis of peace, the quiet brook of bliss.

Sharon

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Published by sharonhock

When describing Sharon Hock, the word miracle comes to mind. Her story is a testimony about how God takes a broken, wounded, messed up life and turns it into something beautiful that He can use to bring glory to himself. Learning to understand God's unconditional love and His grace that He freely showers on us has brought her from a victim to a victor. Life is no longer about surviving, but about being an over-comer and choosing the fullest of all that God always had in His plans for her. Her whole being wells up with songs to sing about this wonderful love she has found in God her Father.
To Sharon Hock, music has been like breath she breathes in, her prayers to God through some of the darkest times of her life. As long as she can remember, she has had a song in her heart and on her lips.
She has been singing in churches since she was a teen but only started to step into music ministry in 2000. She has been writing songs and singing and leading worship throughout Pennsylvania in churches, coffee shops and other venues. Recently Sharon felt called to go into full-time ministry and not only share her music, but speak on worship, which is a passion of hers. She also has begun sharing her own personal story of healing and restoration from childhood abuse. Currently, she is in the process of writing a book giving her story of her journey of healing from the abuse of her past.
Sharon grew up in the town of Shippensburg, Pa and lived there until she was married and has lived in the Newville, PA area since. At the age of four her father died and from that time until her into her marriage, her life became one filled with much turmoil and chaos. There was physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse. Throughout all of the years of abuse, Sharon never lost her love and desire to follow God and sought to know Him throughout all she was going through. Music became the tool that God used to get her through those years and to bring her into a place of freedom and healing later.
Sharon met her husband, Maynard at the church they both had attended all of their lives before they married. Maynard tells the story of how when he was about 18 or 19, he began thinking "I should start thinking about getting married." He could not think of anyone he knew off hand that he wanted to marry so he thought, "I will think of who I know I do not want to marry. I know for sure that I don't want to marry Sharon." Sharon was pretty messed up by that time and that is what he saw when he looked at her. But after he said that, he heard God say to him, "Maynard, will you love her for me?" Maynard said yes, that he would love Sharon for God. It was a few years after that experience that Maynard and Sharon were married. Sharon says that every time she thinks of that story it makes her cry because she knows that God brought Maynard into her live to show her what true love was all about and through her husband, she learned to know her heavenly Father's great love for her. Throughout the years Maynard has shown that love over and over again and Sharon knows how very blessed she is to have such a wonderful man of God in her life that so portrays the love of the Father. It has been her husband's unconditional love that has led her to have a better understanding of the unconditional love God the Father has for her.
For over 20 years now Sharon has been leading worship, singing at concerts, festivals and other events on a part time bases. In 2003 she recorded her first CD, "You Alone" with Keith Mohr of Broken Records and IndieHeaven. About two years ago the Holy Spirit began directing her to start going into churches who either did not have worship teams, those whose teams wanted some help or those who just really wanted to grow in their times of worship and praise. She began going to a few other churches once or twice a month and leading in a time of worship. From this has come a greater desire and passion to not only to be used to lead the church family into deeper intimacy in their worship, but to also bring that into people's homes. It is Sharon's strong belief that if people do not know how to freely worship and praise the Father in the privacy of their home, they will struggle to do so when they join with other believers. She believes that if every believer would seek to find that intimate place of worship in their homes, not only would things begin to happen in their daily lives, but the body of Christ would be a powerhouse when we all came together and lifted our praised and worship up to the Father as one voice! With this in mind, she has felt led by the Father to have In-Home Worship Encounters which are hosted in people's homes.
Sharon has been working for the past year on her latest recording "A Resting Place" which is due out late April. She has been working with Nathan Horst from Attic Studios in Harrisburg. The songs from this CD are very dear to her heart as they speak of the journey God has brought her on the past ten years since her last recording. The songs on this new recording are songs that speak of her love for the Father and her discovery of His great love for her. They speak of finally finding "A Resting Place" in the presence of God after years of turmoil. They are songs that come from out of her intimate times with the Lord and her hearts cry to know Him in a deeper way than every before, to see Him as He truly is and not through the eyes of the past. They are songs of praise and worship. Music from "You Alone" and the single "I Sing A Song Of Love" which is from her upcoming CD are all available on Indieheaven, CDbaby, Amazon.com, and itunes.
Sharon's passion for worship leads her to want to help teach others how important praise and worship is in our every day lives, to be used by the Father to lead people into the presence of God. This statement shared by someone where Sharon was ministering sums up what Sharon's heart is in regards to leading people into worship, "Sharon's music beckons the listener to go beyond themselves and hear what the Father is saying. The woo of the Spirit is very present in her music. When you listen to Sharon, you are drawn into the Lord's presence. Be prepared to be ministered to and not walk away the same person. She has a passion for Him and for ministry to His people."
Her other goal and desire is to help those who have been wounded and hurt find their freedom and healing through the power of God's love. While Sharon shares the story of her past, her focus is not on that but on the journey to healing and living a victorious life. It is her heart to help people see and know that they can choose to let go of the past, to become an over-comer instead of a survivor. To be one who is victorious and not a victim. She has learned that you get to choose if you will stay in your pain, or walk out of it into the glorious freedom and liberty that we have in Christ Jesus. Deut. 30 says this � "I place before you Life and Death, Blessings and Curse. Choose life so that you and your children will live." We have to choose life and blessings if we want to live. Sharon believes that means more than just living a life here on earth where we are simply surviving. She believes that we can have a life full of many great things when we choose it. Sharon has seen and experienced first hand the truth that if we are constantly focus on the negative things in our live, than we can't live the life God had planned for us. God has BIG plans for each of us, Jesus already paid for our freedom, the chains have been broken, now it is time for us to shake off the chains and shackles that once bound us and walk forth into the glorious blessings waiting for us.
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