Alabama ABC's Twitter reads like somebody's been drinking

Alabama's Alcoholic Beverage Control Board (ABC) is a bit of a contradiction in terms. By it's own admission, the ABC exists to ensure "high revenue with low consumption." It's little more than contradictory booze magic if any of us bother to think about it.

Increased consumption means increased revenues. Decreased consumption means the opposite. With that kind of contradiction, it's no wonder that the ABC's Twitter account is a bit tipsy.

Just take a look at 2017 so far:

The ABC began the year with WebMD's information about hangovers as a courtesy. If someone had a New Year's hangover three days later, he or she probably did drink too much.

This April, the ABC decided to tackle distracted driving with an article claiming that texting while driving in Oregon is "another form of drunk driving." It is not. Otherwise, we would see a run on whatever kind of phone they're selling in Oregon.

Never willing to let an exclamation point go to waste, the ABC found Alabama having the third highest beer taxes in America "Very Interesting!" I'm not sure Alabamians share the agency's enthusiasm for taxes. Actually, I am sure. They do not.

I won't spoil all the surprises. I left out some true gems. It's pretty clear that the ABC doesn't even know whether it wants us to drink more or less. That's mostly because it's a relic of Prohibition that wasn't ever designed to maximize revenue. Claims about revenue "generation" are just another way the ABC justifies its existence. If that's the case, then the Alabama Department of Revenue "generates" more revenue than any state agency.

Our politicians might not be conservative enough to get rid of the ABC like the majority of the country, but at least we get a little entertainment from a government social media feed that looks a little like somebody's been drinking.

Cameron Smith is a regular columnist for AL.com and vice president for the R Street Institute, a think tank in Washington, D.C.