Dear Carolyn: I'm 26; he's 27. We dated for about a year, fell hard and fast for each other, moved in together after about six months and started to talk about getting engaged. I thought he was the one.

Dear Carolyn: I’m 26; he’s 27. We dated for about a year, fell hard and fast for each other, moved in together after about six months and started to talk about getting engaged. I thought he was the one.

But I messed up several times and hurt him (never physically cheating but being inappropriate with other men). Two months ago, an incident happened that was the last straw, and he ended the relationship and moved out.

I really do love him and want to be with him. During the past two months, I have tried to repair the relationship by going to counseling, expressing my feelings and trying to show him how much I want to work on things. I realized how damaging my behavior was, and I feel ready to move forward and make a real change.

He says he still loves me but isn’t sure that the relationship can be repaired. I understand that trust has been broken, but I think the relationship is worth fighting for.

I think counseling and reflection have helped me see I can be a better partner, but I’m not sure how to show him I’m sincere. Or maybe I’m deluding myself and, after two-plus months apart, it won’t happen. Then again, maybe I’m being shortsighted and two months isn’t that long.

— Sad in Maryland

Dear Sad: You’re being shortsighted, yes, but in a much more dramatic way than in the best-case scenario you give.

I’d even call it rush-sighted. You moved in at six months, you talked engagement in less than a year, you managed to fit inappropriate behavior with more than one man in that brief window, and you have apparently overlapped these recent two months of “counseling and reflection” (less than two, actually) with a deliberate push to get him back that you’re already set to abandon for Plan B.

Slow down, please! Recognize that thinking about this just in terms of this guy, or any guy, is being shortsighted. This is about repairing your relationship with yourself.

That’s what your behavior is telling you: The impulse to be with this guy, that guy or the other guy — wait, no, the original guy — is just a symptom of your not being at peace with yourself.

The attention of others is a balm mixed with a sense of purpose, bringing happy feelings with the (in this case, false) assurance that you and your love interest are moving forward together.

And, although that is often a good thing, it decidedly isn’t when it’s a distraction from problems that need your attention — and an excuse not to deal with them.

When you treat therapy and “reflection” as means solely to the end of getting your favorite distraction back, then you’re missing the point.

The best partners are the ones who know and like themselves — well enough not to need the validation of others.

Stop chasing love, breathe, and show yourself how sincere you are about turning your life around.