All day long I have to hear about “gays, gays, gays!” Now we’re back on the “don’t ask, don’t tell” thing. I’m sick of it.

Even army guys are coming out saying get rid of the rule. OK, fine. They know better, I guess. But in my day, back in Korea on Pork Chop Hill, let me tell you: we didn’t want any pansies in OUR squad!

The closest we wanted to get to a fruitcake was some Seoul she-male while we were on leave, and even then, that wasn’t old Ed’s cup of tea, no sir! I like my women 100% real!

Anyhow, I guess now we’re stuck with gays in the military, which doesn’t explain why the uniforms are getting uglier, not better looking. And from what I hear, the food hasn’t improved much, either. So what difference does it make, I guess.

I can’t even keep straight what to call them! If I say “pansies,” my granddaughter throws her fork at me. But they keep changing what they want to be called, dammit!

I’m an old man! I can barely remember what day it is, let alone the new name for queers!

And now that creepy ballerina guy in the White House is in trouble for saying “retarded.” That was a perfectly good word until the Kennedys stole it and said nobody could use it any more!

Everybody knows they just invented that Special Olympics to cover up what a scumbag family they are!

What we really need are another Olympics that gives medals to chicks who can run away from the Kennedys!