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Monday, May 16, 2011

Public Service Announcement

I posted this once before on another blog I used to have, but after some things I've witnessed lately, I think it deserves to be re-posted here. I hope you all enjoy.

Do YOU or someone YOU know suffer from an MTD?

MTDs- or Mentally Transmitted Diseases- are a growing concern in our society. To date, 1 out of every 2 people suffers from this condition, and with the advancement of technology and breweries -combined with the declined use of birth control- that number is on the rise. Studies have shown that by the start of 2012, more than 75% of the U.S. will come down with some degree of an MTD (w/ nearly ALL of California being affected).

Mentally Transmitted Diseases -also referred to as 'Chronic Stupidity' in most medical journals- is a tricky condition with a quick progression and no known cure. After contracting it, most patients won't notice a difference, but their condition will most definitely be visible to the rest of the unaffected population- often through words and actions, but sometimes through just a few wordless expressions.

The horror of this disease is that, if you don't know what you're dealing with, you could accidentally and unnecessarily expose yourself. More often than not, it can take repeated exposure to contract an MTD, but for some -the really young, really old, or those with a hereditary connection- it can sometimes take just once.

So, how can you protect yourself and those you love? Nothing is guaranteed, but with a few simple precautions you can decrease the chances of contracting what can be a lifelong, debilitating disease.

~Remember 'the 3Rs'

If you have found yourself in a situation where you've noticed that the person you're speaking with is particularly stupid, REDUCE your exposure, if at all possible. Obviously, if this person is your boss, this will be next to impossible, but there are 2 other Rs to ensure your safety: REVIEW all information given to you and RECHECK all facts that pertain to you. (The chronically stupid often offer up needless information. For example, a coworker says to you,"I heard its going to rain today- it rained in Germany yesterday." Chances are, they're wrong on both accounts, but you only need to recheck the weather in your area, since even stupid people can be right 50% of the time. You can disregard the Germany reference OBVIOUSLY, unless you're planning on traveling there anytime soon.)

~Wear Sunglasses

Ok, so maybe this form of protective eye gear won't always work, but the theory is that if they can't SEE your eyes, then there's a chance they won't be able to look directly into them. Direct eye contact seems to be a frequent source of transmission for MTDs. Why? Well, the most we can deduce is that since stupid people TRULY believe what they're trying to convey to you, their words mixed with eye contact can cause you to question all you believe.

~Ignore them and/ or stare at them with a blank expression

MTD patients enjoy back and forth banter, so if you take this away, they will often leave you alone. Use this precaution with care, though, because stupid people often carry blank expressions and you take the possibility of passing for one.

~Distract them

Its a long shot, but if all else fails, you will need to distract the infirmed with something shiny and RUN.

So, what are some of the signs and symptoms, and what can you do if infected? We've already discussed a couple, but in the event that there is an infected person reading this, here's a run down:

~a glazed over look when you ask a simple question (an exception should be noted not to necessarily worry in the early morning/ pre-coffee hours)

~an affinity for offering up pointless information during important times

~an inability to distinguish between the gas and the brake peddle (an exception should be noted for those with the occasional mental lapse during frustrating times- like driving with kids or stupid people)

~the confusion over what a turn signal is and how to use it

~noting a long line, and then deciding to either stand aside and make their own line and/ or waiting til their asked to get in line and cutting to the front

~the inability to ever admit wrong doing and/ or the inability to apologize when wrong

~the idea that all their thoughts and opinions will magically be known to you, although they have failed to open their mouths

~the idea that you CARE about all their thoughts and opinions

~the inability to distinguish between thoughts and opinions that matter

The list goes on and on, but I'm sure that you've gotten the point.

If you've found yourself in any of these descriptions and you're wondering about what to do next, here's the answer:

~Do something that requires you to use more brain-power than normal and DO NOT STOP until you feel your mental capacity increasing. If you've gone for too long without help, it may take a while and you may not remember what it feels like to be using your brain, so try answering a few simple questions, such as:

Is it a good idea to text/drink and drive? (the answer should be 'no')

Are raising animals EXACTLY like raising kids? (you might want to answer 'yes' because of how they can act, but as long as you truly realize the answer is 'no', you'll be fine.

Is it ok to leave your baby in the bath by itself while you play games on Facebook? (um, 'no')

The feeling that follows will be like a light turning on or like you've just woken up- you might feel groggy and out of sorts. Eat something, you'll be fine- you're on your way to recovery.

~If, however, that exercise doesn't work, I'm sorry, but there's no hope. RUN, don't walk, to the nearest clinic and get a prescription for birth control, or better yet, ask for sterilization. You shouldn't feel bad, though- you probably don't understand anything I've just explained, so... Look! Something shiny!

4 comments:

Very funny! I remember my sister, before she had children telling me that her dog was harder to raise than my children, I had no response. Now, I am so happy to see her with two children under three, and I think her conditoion is so reversed that she might not even remember saying that!!! Very funny, I wish I could say I never sufer from the illnes but since I am a mom of three and brain cells a are a rare comidity I'm going to plead the 5th! Thanks for the laugh!

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About Me

I'm a SortaSuperMom that gets her extraordinary powers from coffee. I've been with the love of my life, Corey, since high school. We have 3 boys because we're a little bit crazy and because God OBVIOUSLY thought it would be funny to do that to a total girlie girl. I cook and bake to save my sanity, and when that doesn't work, I write about it. Anything else you'd like to know, you can read about it here.