Forget princesses, I would buy an Ursula or Maleficent marital aid in an instant. Tell me this is not the face of a sexually satisfied woman:

I’m not clear who online retailer Shop Jeen‘s target demographic is (Ethan Hawke from Reality Bites and everyone who went to see Ouija, maybe? Seriously, that is one weird website) but the company’s Instagram from earlier this week featuring this $68 “Love Discovery Mini Vibrator” has been gaining a lot of attention:

Honestly, I’m not terribly disturbed by this choice of mascots; Disney princesses have already been depicted in countless sexual situations in fan-created content, and unlike many other corners of the Internet, at least Shop Jeen isn’t fetishizing Ariel or Jasmine’s youth. (Besides, I genuinely like the idea that “all princesses do it,” if ” “it” means “forsake the nice but ultimately unsatisfying numbskull you met at the age of fifteen, buy an affordable but reliable dinglehopper, and get yours, ladies.”)

What do you think, friends? Aside from the obvious legality issues of an advertisement like this one, how do you feel about taking characters originally created for kids and instead using them to market adult products (especially if the original fan base themselves have aged)? And does anyone else want to buy some ShopJeen platform jelly shoes with me?

How does one crowd-source a dildo? I wondered, until I realized that the makers of The Mod are actually crowdfunding their toy, and open-sourcing the design. And the design is pretty fancy.

See, it’s not just a dildo, it’s a variably programmable vibrating toy designed to be as customizable — really, as hackable — as possible. It’s also designed to have as many input modes as they can apparently sketch out on a whiteboard:

Nunchuck – A standard, simple, and powerful control for the toy. The joystick can manipulate power and pulsing patterns. Shaking the nunchuck’s accelerometer can modulate the frequency of the vibrations. To fulfill one major request from Beta testers, we also programmed the “C” button as an easy “kill switch” to shut the toy off right when you come!

Video chat – We process the image coming from a webcam. The more movement in the image, the more intense the Mod’s response.

Capacitive Touch Sensing – Quickly and easily turn most objects in the world into touch-sensitive interfaces for pleasure (ever heard of a Makey-Makey? It’s like that!). Trigger your partner’s toy by sucking on a banana, or spanking them with a spatula. Connect to a body piercing and turn your partner’s whole body into a touchable dildo controller. Many objects can even by used like a Theremin, responding to proximity as well as touch.

Biometrics – A heartbeat sensor lets you feel your partner’s arousal in the throbbing toy. This one is a real favorite — it’s super cool to feel the rhythm increase with your partner’s excitement.

Web – Make interfaces directly within a web browser. Great for cyber sex, or giving web-geeks a quick way to control their toys!

Soft circuits – A soft stroke sensor that triggers vibrations based on touch. Could be really cool embedded in the tail of a fur suit!

Also it’s got just like a regular button, for, you know, the vanilla among its audience.

Of course, with the perils of crowd funding come the perils of maybe not getting the project ever. But some of the Mod’s IndieGogo perks are pretty interesting in their own right—like a Dilduino board, a specially designed Arduino derived microcontroller with features designed for maker projects with needs similar to The Mod (like a battery that can recharge over USB). Whether The Mod will ever get made is still up in the air at the moment: on the one hand, there’s a month left in the crowdfunding period, but on the other, they need still more than $40k. Here’s hoping they get it up after all, if only to see the crazy configurations the Mod gets put to.

Oh come on, I’m allowed one dick joke in a post about a vibrator, no matter how bad the joke is.

John Hurt and Kristin Scott Thomas have been made a knight and a dame respectively in the Queen’s 2015 New Year’s Honours List. Hurt is the first Time Lord to ever be awarded a knighthood. (via BBCAmerica)

Here’s Jessica Chastain talking about space for NASA, because that is a thing relevant to our interests. (via NASA)

An evolution of the sonic screwdriver, from 1963 to now. (via GeeksareSexy)

Okay, but wait—now I’m intrigued. After all, it’s supposed to be big plastic tube that squirts out Play-Doh icing. What feats of engineering and design will they have to achieve to ensure that a tool like that won’t strongly resemble a penis?

Play-doh had the hard job of doing some damage control on Facebook after what I can only assume was a cock-up in the design phase resulted in a plastic accessory looking less like the Cake Mountain icing maker it was supposed to be and more like, well, a dil-doh.

But ruining Christmas? That’s probably a bit of a stretch. As with most cases of inappropriate innuendo for children, the ones who get it are already beyond being affected, and the ones who don’t will never notice. That hasn’t stopped Play-Doh from frantically deleting pictures like this one from their Facebook page:

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/penis-shaped-play-doh-toy/feed/0Well… Fleshlight Made That iPad Case a Reality (NSFW… Like… at All) [Updated] - Now you can stop taping them together like a caveman!http://www.themarysue.com/fleshlight-launchpad-ipad-case/
http://www.themarysue.com/fleshlight-launchpad-ipad-case/#commentsFri, 27 Jun 2014 14:26:09 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=216209

Welcome to the future, folks. The Fleshlight-holding iPad case we first heard rumored back in 2012 is now a reality. Yesterday, Fleshlight announced the LaunchPAD, and it certainly is an iPad case you can attach a Fleshlight too. It sure is that.

The kind people at Fleshlight brought this to our attention yesterday via Twitter.

From the picture above the LaunchPAD case looks much sturdier than the prototype we saw in 2012: Maybe early testers were dropping it during… uhm… vigorous use? The new design looks like it can take a fall without too much risk your iPad. This video from Fleshlight announcing the LaunchPAD (only mildly NSFW, they don’t show it in use) is focused on marketing to couples at a distance:

[Update: YouTube has pulled the video from its servers, which strikes me as odd considering the lack of any explicit sexual content. Fleshlight reached out with an updated link on Vimeo and a statement. Both are below.]

We believe that healthy sexual expression is a key ingredient to a healthy lifestyle. It’s unfortunate, that even in 2014, the idea of men being able to express themselves in a healthy and sexual way while assuming responsibility for their own sex drive can illicit such a negative response from responsible members of our larger community. This circumstance isn’t new to us; Interactive Life Forms and Fleshlight will continue to work to advance this discussion and improve acceptance for this type of expression.

[The original article continues below.]

But wouldn’t that call get… shaky? If you’re on a video call, and the camera is built into the iPad, and you’re—you know what. Forget I asked.

If you’re interested, the LaunchPAD is being offered at an introductory price of $24.95, which as far as iPad cases go is actually a pretty good deal. Though it doesn’t come with a Fleshlight, or an iPad for that matter. It’s also only compatible with 3rd & 4th generation iPads and the iPad 2.

There’s a joke to be made about the iPad Mini here, but I’ll let you fill in the blanks with that one.

Gone are the days when everyone would sew their own clothes, build their own houses, or, in this case, whittle their own sex toys from wood they chopped down themselves. But if you’re looking for just the perfectly tailored fake penis to pleasure yourself with, then take heart! You don’t have to go to Etsy for that shit anymore.

The “Extrusion/Revolution Generator” (AKA the Dildo Generator) was engineered by Ikaros Kappler using Javascript and THREE.js, and is about as high-tech and individualized as you’d want a sex-toy designer to be. You can alter the height, width, bezier curves, angle, and even the color of your own very special lovemaking aid device.

Heck, you can even 3D print it if you so choose — the tool allows you to save and export your work and also calculates their expected weight in silicon. Yeah, maybe don’t try to use your Makerbot to print one of these suckers out. We can’t imagine all that grooved plastic will be particularly sensual or even comfortable. Instead you can try one of the smaller Hackerspaces in Berlin that Kappler suggests to help you order a mold and silicon model, or just the mold itself.

Looking for ideas? Feel free to attempt to recreate these designs for your very own, along with our suggestions for pick-up lines you might use when presenting them to your lover.

When I saw our sister site Styelite had a list of the 5 worst vibrators ever, I thought to myself, “Okay, but like, by whose standards?” Then I read the post and realized that it is full of objective fact. (Styleite)

Remember when Jennifer Lawrence told everyone about how the maid at her hotel discovered her (TOTALLY bougbt as a joke, of course) sex toys once? You should, because the video only went up yesterday. She used the phrase “copious amounts of butt plugs,” if we remember correctly. Apparently there’s an easy way to stop that from happening.

Caled the “Pleasure Products Organizer,” this new product, which was designed by “lifestyle” company MUA, comes in two parts — a small satin handled water and lubricant-resistant pouch that has separate compartments for your toys, and a larger lacquered case that looks like a jewelry box, complete with a “discreet” charging station and secure combination lock. So really, if you wanted to, you could probably use this to store all of your regular electronics while they’re charging, too! Wait. No. It’s probably kind of pathetic that we thought of using this box for that first instead of for to intended purpose. We promise we totally all have normal sex lives. Really. Shh.

According to MUA, this is the first product of its kind in existence, which is kind of ridiculous when you stop to think that no one up until this point has considered making a storage case for sex toys. Really? Nobody? That kind of seems like a no brainer, sex toy industry. After all, they make carrying cases for wii motes, and those are basically the same size and shape, right?

The box is also technically the first adult-themed product ever allowed on Kickstarter, as MUA founder Lidia Bonilla will tell you:

As of writing the Kickstarter campaign has only raised $6,964 of their $10,000 goal with 114 backers and 6 days left to go, so if this sounds like a thing that you need to have in your life, then check out their page and donate. You might even et some cool underwear as a backing reward. Everybody needs new underwear.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/pleasure-products-organizer/feed/0Jennifer Lawrence Talked About Her “Copious Amount” of Butt Plugs on Conan - We're just... uhm... just... we're just gonna leave this here.http://www.themarysue.com/jennifer-lawrence-butt-plug/
http://www.themarysue.com/jennifer-lawrence-butt-plug/#commentsThu, 19 Dec 2013 14:31:13 +0000http://www.geekosystem.com/?p=188277Conan last night. Considering it's a clip from a television show, it's technically safe for work, but Lawrence does say "butt plug" like a buuuunch of times.]]>

It turns out that occasionally Jennifer Lawrence travels with what she described as a “copious amount” of butt plugs. She recounted the tale of one such sex toy adventure on Conan last night. Considering it’s a clip from a television show, it’s technically safe for work, but Lawrence does say “butt plug” like a buuuunch of times.

There’s a little bit of context here in that Lawrence says the butt plugs were purchased by a friend as a joke, and because Jennifer Lawrence is a perfect human we’ll take her at her word. Still, whatever the reason, she got busted with an arsenal of butt plugs, and she manages to make the whole story adorable and charming.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/jennifer-lawrence-butt-plug/feed/40The Mary Sue Received An Interesting Superhero Package In The Mail Today (NSFW) - My Spidey Sense Is Tinglinghttp://www.themarysue.com/superhero-package/
http://www.themarysue.com/superhero-package/#commentsFri, 20 Sep 2013 20:35:59 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=106415
So interesting, in fact, we can't post an image of it on our front page. If you'd like to find out what it is, click ahead but be forewarned: NOT SAFE FOR WORK. ]]>

So interesting, in fact, we can’t post an image of it on our front page. If you’d like to find out what it is, click ahead but be forewarned: NOT SAFE FOR WORK.

Image title

It’s their entire collection of “Super Hung Heroes,” (Rock Hard Man, The Amazing Web Shooter, The Incredible Hunk, and The Caped Cock). It disrupted the entire office for a good 15 minutes and it was the perfect way to end a rough week. Thank you, Doc Johnson.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/superhero-package/feed/59NSFW: Black Widow & Hawkeye Aren’t Left Out Of This Fake Avengers Sex Toy Line - My Spidey Sense Is Tinglinghttp://www.themarysue.com/nsfw-avengers-adult-toys/
http://www.themarysue.com/nsfw-avengers-adult-toys/#commentsSat, 10 Aug 2013 18:28:20 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=101212
Did we say Not Safe For Work? NSFW! Tumblr user Sarmai created "6 pieces of pleasure" based on the characters from Marvel's The Avengers. When we saw them we made this face and figured you might enjoy them if we shared. And by "enjoy" we don't mean actually enjoy, because these aren't real. But if they were, I have a feeling they'd fly off the shelves faster than then you can say, Excelsior!]]>

Image title

Did we say Not Safe For Work? NSFW! Tumblr user Sarmai created “6 pieces of pleasure” based on the characters from Marvel’s The Avengers. When we saw them we made this face and figured you might enjoy them if we shared. And by “enjoy” we don’t mean actually enjoy, because these aren’t real. But if they were, I have a feeling they’d fly off the shelves faster than then you can say, Excelsior!

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/nsfw-avengers-adult-toys/feed/53Things We Saw Today: A New Poster for Pacific Rim - Things We Saw Todayhttp://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-new-poster-for-pacific-rim/
http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-new-poster-for-pacific-rim/#commentsThu, 25 Apr 2013 21:00:40 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=87560Pacific Rim, I honestly cannot tell if that tagline is the worst thing or the best thing. (Think McFly Think)]]>

Pacific Rim, I honestly cannot tell if that tagline is the worst thing or the best thing. (Think McFly Think)

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-new-poster-for-pacific-rim/feed/4Things We Saw Today: A Belated Lois Lane Birthday Cake - Things We Saw Todayhttp://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-belated-lois-lane-birthday-cake/
http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-belated-lois-lane-birthday-cake/#commentsThu, 11 Apr 2013 20:57:38 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=85967
Our 2nd birthday was at the end of February but WHO CARES Ant at Nerdache Cakes dedicated this Lois Lane cake to us. It's a good thing we only have pictures so we don't have to feel conflicted about destroying its aesthetic appeal in order to devour it. She's got lots more pictures of it at her Tumblr.]]>

Our 2nd birthday was at the end of February but WHO CARES Ant at Nerdache Cakes dedicated this Lois Lane cake to us. It’s a good thing we only have pictures so we don’t have to feel conflicted about destroying its aesthetic appeal in order to devour it. She’s got lots more pictures of it at her Tumblr.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-a-belated-lois-lane-birthday-cake/feed/0If Ikea Made Vibrators, They’d Probably Make ‘em Like This - Once More With Feelinghttp://www.themarysue.com/if-ikea-made-vibrators/
http://www.themarysue.com/if-ikea-made-vibrators/#commentsFri, 29 Mar 2013 15:20:38 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=84260The Gäsm is a limited production vibrator made from 100% recycled materials, including repurposed rubber and compressed wood pulp. And even though it comes disassembled with instructions, and its batteries can be recharged by winding it with an included allen wrench, it is not made by Ikea. It's made by LELO, a manufacturer in high-end sex toys. But while it's only available for order until April 1st, it's not a joke product. Okay, it's at least partly a joke product, look at it, but, I mean, it's an actual thing that you can buy. And probably functions as well, but just to make sure, we reached out to our new official sex-toy expert, Iris Explosion, whose day job is working for Babeland, a lady-owned and founded chain of adult toy stores.]]>

The Gäsm is a limited production vibrator made from 100% recycled materials, including repurposed rubber and compressed wood pulp. And even though it comes disassembled with instructions, and its batteries can be recharged by winding it with an included allen wrench, it is not made by Ikea. It’s made by LELO, a manufacturer in high-end sex toys. But while it’s only available for order until April 1st, it’s not a joke product. Okay, it’s at least partly a joke product, look at it, but, I mean, it’s an actual thing that you can buy. And probably functions as well, but just to make sure, we reached out to our new official sex-toy expert, Iris Explosion, whose day job is working for Babeland, a lady-owned and founded chain of adult toy stores.

Says Iris:

An allen wrench? How revolutionary*! As someone who’s always viewed IKEA as Legos for adults, a DIY vibrator sounds pretty exciting to me. Just imagine the anticipation that will build when you’re struggling to put it together. As far as re-purposed rubber goes, you don’t know where those old tires have been, so maybe consider putting a condom on that for extra safety. That will also take care of any extra dust and hair it’ll pick up in storage– rubber attracts lint like nothing else. And be sure to take care during use: if you bear down hard on the compressed wood handle in the heat of the moment, well, you’ve seen how breakable IKEA furniture can be.

*Pun intended.

For $180, the Gäsm might be outside the price ranges of some folks, but we’re greatful just for the laugh it’s given us as a perfect pastiche of an Ikea product. The allen wrench. The umlaut.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/if-ikea-made-vibrators/feed/6Model Rocket of the Day: Actually Not a Rocket; Actually a Vibrator - Girls Just Wanna Have Funhttp://www.themarysue.com/build-your-own-vibrator/
http://www.themarysue.com/build-your-own-vibrator/#commentsFri, 08 Mar 2013 16:25:06 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=81755
There's an argument to be made that all vibrators count as "do it yourself projects," but this vibrator (which Google Translate insists is called the Hyper Dash rotor) really is a do it yourself project. See, it comes in a bunch of separate plastic pieces waiting to be cut out of plastic trusses, just like that model Gundam you're so proud of. Observe:]]>

There’s an argument to be made that all vibrators count as “do it yourself projects,” but this vibrator (which Google Translate insists is called the Hyper Dash rotor) really is a do it yourself project. See, it comes in a bunch of separate plastic pieces waiting to be cut out of plastic trusses, just like that model Gundam you’re so proud of. Observe:

Even the Japanese website Kotaku Japan found this on admits that this device is mostly for the kitch value of the tongue-in-check model packaging and the amusement of building your own vibrator, and that it’s probably not going to, shall we say, function very well in the field. But with a price tag like $7.27 (actually 680 yen), that should come as no surprise to anybody who’s actually shopped for a vibrator. On the other hand, shell out $7.27 and shipping, and you’ve got yourself an afternoon’s project and a good laugh from anybody who takes a close look at the display box.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/build-your-own-vibrator/feed/4This Mouse “Feels Just As Good In Your Hand As It Does On Your Body,” If You’re Into Thathttp://www.themarysue.com/massager-mouse/
http://www.themarysue.com/massager-mouse/#commentsThu, 04 Oct 2012 20:31:55 +0000http://www.geekosystem.com/?p=119339
Chocolate and peanut butter. Pizza and beer. Sriracha and anything. The list of great tastes that taste great together just got a little bit longer with the introduction of the Massager Mouse. Yes, that is exactly what it sounds like -- a computer mouse that also functions as a personal massager. The mouse, which is currently showing at EroFame, Europe's premier trade show for adult toys -- and we're not talking tablet computers -- can help you click your way around a database, then switch gears at the press of a button to massage the stress out of sore muscles in your neck, shoulders and, uh, other parts.]]>

Chocolate and peanut butter. Pizza and beer. Sriracha and anything. The list of great tastes that taste great together just got a little bit longer with the introduction of the Massager Mouse. Yes, that is exactly what it sounds like — a computer mouse that also functions as a personal massager. The mouse, which is currently showing at EroFame, Europe’s premier trade show for adult toys — and we’re not talking tablet computers — can help you click your way around a database, then switch gears at the press of a button to massage the stress out of sore muscles in your neck, shoulders and, uh, other parts.

The Massager Mouse is a wireless USB mouse with an ambidextrous design and, oh, just all sorts of functions, including 10 vibration levels and 2 different vibration patterns. It has LED lights around the edges, designed to “set a soothing massage mood,” which tends to be a little lacking here at the Geekosystem offices. It even has an ambidextrous design that allows users to use both hands. You know, to navigate the computer screen. And stuff. Frankly, it’s just kind of a shame this thing doesn’t have a built-in speaker, because it is literally one Al Green song away from my dream date.

The official purpose of the Massager Mouse? Stress relief and pain management. Get a load of the press release snippet below, and maybe read between the lines a little?

The massage mouse gives you the control and precision of a state-of-the-art touch-sensitive mouse and the convenience of a powerful massager. With the massager mouse you can stop work, switch to massage mode, massage away aches and pains and return to work feeling refreshed.

On a personal note, if you’re getting down with one of these things in the office, please for the love of God do not return to work afterward. Just go ahead and call that one a half-day. No one is going to mind.

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/massager-mouse/feed/3Things We Saw Today: Where Our Knowledge of British Culture Comes From - Things We Saw Todayhttp://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-where-our-knowledge-of-british-culture-comes-from/
http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-where-our-knowledge-of-british-culture-comes-from/#commentsMon, 14 May 2012 21:00:44 +0000http://www.themarysue.com/?p=46087
No, but seriously: we watch Sherlock, too. (Doctor Who on Tumblr)]]>

The business card of Tom Wilson, which is basically a FAQ so that he can politely have a good time in public and interact with fans of his performance as Biff Tannen in the Back to the Future movies in a meaningful way. (The Daily What)

Now, the Satellite of Love crew can provide commentary on your dreams … and maybe also your bed activities. Good idea? Or best idea? (via Boing Boing)

It’s a film about what transmedia production is all about, but most importantly, this movie being featured at the Tribeca Film Festival is a hipster parody of Jurassic Park, and it’s concerned about the well-being of velociraptors. Welcome … to Jurassic Park Slope.

Pop Matters has written a love letter to Ms. Pac-Man, because she deserves your love and attention.

The Frisky has an in-depth guide to the women of Game of Thrones, but no cosplay tips on how to best emulate them. That’s okay. I was making a trip to the wig shop anyway.

Johnny Depp is getting attention, but probably not the kind of attention he’d like, following the release of pictures of him in costume as Tonto in Lone Ranger. As in, people are not thrilled that he’s “paying tribute” to Native Americans by playing into uninformed stereotypes, even though he certainly means well. We just wish he’d done a little more thoughtful research. (via Gender Focus)

There is a chance you may have seen this, because when you see the word “TARDIS,” you click on it, and when you see the word “dildo,” you also click on it. Imagine the speed of clicking when the two are combined to form “TARDIS dildo.” (via iGeekTrooper)

This was that time that Wolverine met Freddie Mercury in a real Marvel comic, but it was part of an unused pitch, and it never got to happen. And we are worse off for it. (via io9)

So, you want to tattoo a full sleeve on your arm with a Spider-Man theme, but you don’t want to make the painful commitment, wear these stupid things on your arms instead! (I recommend a tee-shirt, seriously.) (via Global Geek News)

]]>http://www.themarysue.com/things-we-saw-today-an-mst3k-headboard/feed/4This is the TARDIS Flying Through the Time Vortex in Dildo Formhttp://www.themarysue.com/tardis-time-vortex-dildo/
http://www.themarysue.com/tardis-time-vortex-dildo/#commentsWed, 25 Apr 2012 19:30:12 +0000http://www.geekosystem.com/?p=96161

Today in your weird sci-fi sex toy news, we have this dildo that represents the time vortex, complete with TARDIS flying along through it, dubbed the TARDIS Tickler. Obviously, sci-fi sex toys aren't exactly a bare market, but I'm not entirely sure if any sex toy has ever tried to represent the whole of space and time until now. Obviously, there are some NSFW images below the break.

]]>

Today in your weird sci-fi sex toy news, we have this dildo that represents the time vortex, complete with TARDIS flying along through it, dubbed the TARDIS Tickler. Obviously, sci-fi sex toys aren’t exactly a bare market, but I’m not entirely sure if any sex toy has ever tried to represent the whole of space and time until now. Obviously, there are some NSFW images below.

Dedicated to Kate Bornstein, this DIY dildo is made of silicon, and sports a miniature TARDIS inside. The whole piece is supposed to represent the TARDIS flying through the time vortex, and I think it’s pretty neat that this sex toy is representing time itself, rather than being some kind of elongated TARDIS or sonic screwdriver, like one would assume a Doctor Who dildo would be.

If you’re interested in this kind of product, don’t you worry, as the creator, Kristen Stubbs, is aiming to make another, tidier version.