I'm glad I was able to set boundaries, but it was still a bit annoying/interesting because my MIL didn't ask anything about L or me, but kept making negative jokes about how she was (1) stealing stuff (when she would pick up something and walk around with it) and (2) trying to flirt with her uncle who is 43 ("Ooooh, don't flirt like that with R, he's got a girlfriend already!" and all L did was smile at R, she didn't even go over and ask for a hug). All the other women there asked about how L was doing, said she was beautiful and commented positively on her, and asked about my experience with motherhood. I just pretended to not get her jokes. But basically, that is why I don't like his mom, she is so negative about other women and people who aren't white.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I just think its gross to accuse a 13 month old of trying to "steal" a 43 year old man. There are so many older men who molest younger girls and then blame the girls for seducing them (Lolita!). The good thing is that Brett thought it was horrible as well.

A friend of mine worked at the DA's office in NYC and had a woman blame her 2 year old for seducing her boyfriend (who had been raping her kid) because "that slut was always running around naked and taking off her diaper." That whole blame the kid is just disgusting.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

My dad and his girlfriend are here for Christmas and I am going to lose my mind. Because they came from the US it had to be a long enough trip to be worth the money and the jet lag so they are here for 12 days.

My dad makes jokes nonstop about vegan food and/or remarks on how something "wasn't bad for not having any meat." Not funny the first time, definitely not funny the 100th time. Especially since he has celiac disease and we made a special effort (which we obviously would do!) to make all our meals gluten free and even made only GF Christmas cookies so he could have some too. (I am really proud of those, by the way, all three kinds turned out really really well).

Plus he keeps telling us how we should let tiny wu cry more because "she'll settle down and work through it." I am not going to use CIO anyway and especially not on a 2 month old! tiny wu is used to being worn in a quiet house all the time; of course she's cranky with a full apartment and people who keep demanding to hold her and talk REALLY LOUD to her. Every time I try to settle her--for a nap, a feed, whatever--my dad tells me we should "let her get used to it; she'll stop crying soon enough." She won't. She will cry until she vomits. My dad and girlfriend bought us an enormous, hideous plastic bassinet that rocks, plays music, etc. I hate stuff like that and there is no room for it in our small 1 bedroom apartment. In any case, my dad keeps insisting on strapping tiny wu into it, then admonishing us not to take her out because she needs to "get used to it." When I take her out anyway, he gives me a lecture on how I'm messing her up for life.

Yesterday we all heard tiny wu fill a diaper dramatically, but my dad wouldn't let anyone take her away to change her (presumably because she'd get used to it) and just kept patting her behind as she cried and cried because apparently that is the best way to settle a baby and if you do it long enough it will work. By the time Mr. Scandi got her , poo was all over and my dad had announced this was because we didn't know how to diaper her properly.

I feel like having this baby is the first thing I've done that my dad has ever been interested in or proud of and now he thinks everything I'm doing is wrong. I know in my heart that it's not, I know my baby and am trying to do my best for her, but this situation is just really hard.

I am very sorry Scandinavegan. That is just so hard to feel second-guessed in your parenting and like someone is actively stopping you from doing what you know is right for your child. Can you ask them to go to a hotel in a way that they won't be offended? At least that will give you some space. And you can always fantasize about setting the bassinette on fire and pushing it out into a river once they are gone until then.

I banned anyone from coming to our house for the first 3 months, because I just wanted to find our footing as parents first. If anyone had been staying with me, I think I would have lost it.

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

Thanks for the sympathy, everyone. We can't really ask them to go to a hotel since the plane tickets here were so expensive; on the bright side, our apartment building has a communal guest bedroom (typical Danish) which we reserved for them, so at least they're out of our space from bedtime til breakfast. Now that Christmas is over, we're trying to push some museums, walks, etc, so they'll hopefully get out of the house some more too.

I think we had kind of a watershed moment this morning. I had to go over to my workplace briefly and was gone for total, maybe an hour. Dad and his girlfriend were determined to "enjoy their granddaughter" but apparently she just wound up stressed and crying, so they tried to stuff her into the hideous bassinet, at which point Mr. Scandi said enough is enough and rescued her, since that was just making her scream harder. She stopped crying right away with her daddy and, once he took her off to the quiet bedroom, fell asleep in his arms, which is how I found them when I got home. Obviously I missed the whole thing (which is probably just as well) but it sounds like they got the picture that we really are the ones who know our daughter best and maybe they should defer to us a bit more. So we'll see how things go from now on.

I'm just glad that Mr. Scandi is such a good dad and so totally on my side for this--I can't imagine struggling through this without such a supportive partner.

I'm not really sure where to out this, so it goes here. I just turned 33 the other day and today it hit me that if we want more kids I have to get pregnant in the next 15 months (I decided long ago I wanted to be done having babies by the time I am 35 for health reasons). Nate really isn't interested in having another kid and I am feeling a loss at not being able to have anymore. Of course I could decide to try and have a baby later, but I really would ant grey and any siblings to be pretty close in age. Things could change in the next year or so, but just the thought that this is it, is making me sad today.

This morning Malcolm was taking a really long time in the bathroom. 20 minutes later I was brushing my teeth and noticed a giant wad of toilet paper (unused) stuffed into the heater. Our home could have burned to the ground, and he understands that, and we've discussed it before.Then I remember he was in the bathroom for a really long time last night at my mother in laws house. I asked him if he had done it there too, and that it was REALLY important to tell the truth because it's a very dangerous thing to do- their house could catch on fire. He promised me he was telling the truth.I called my MIL anyways, and there was toilet paper in her heater too.

My kid could have just burned two houses to the ground.I'm so mad I don't want to look at him right now. He's five, and he definitely knows better.

I'd be really interested in knowing how you handle that. It seems like there is the first question of why he thought it was something that was okay to do after you had the conversation and the second of why he then felt like he had to lie about it.

Also, I can't believe Malcolm is 5!

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I'm not really sure where to out this, so it goes here. I just turned 33 the other day and today it hit me that if we want more kids I have to get pregnant in the next 15 months

big hugs, and I'm sorry. we decided immediately after our daughters were born (and our one daughter had so many defects) that we couldn't in good conscience have any more kids, and Mr T got snipped. For the most part I haven't regretted it too often, but having a good reason, or knowing that it isn't feasible, doesn't make the longing hurt any less.... it's rough.