As we said t’other day, Yr Wonkette remains a House Divided on the wisdom of vigilante destruction of Confederate monuments — Yr Editrix is all for it, Yr Dok Zoom thinks it sets a bad precedent and is likely to make Bad People feel justified in doing Bad Things, and Yr Evan is busy helping his doggo not freak out about a thunderstorm in Memphis and has not been polled on the matter. But we can all get behind this orderly mob’s insistence on being arrested and joining their comrades, because it’s a fine nonviolent way of Trolling the System.

The movie comparison was obvious to everyone:

So would you call this Civil Excessive Obedience?

It’s looking like Confederate monuments — however “beautiful” our idiot president thinks they are — are going to be coming down in a lot more places, and the sooner the better. We’re not so sure Donald Trump has much room to complain about the removal of “beautiful art,” given his own legacy of jackhammering lovely old Art Deco friezes off the historic Bonwit Teller building on the site of Trump Tower in 1980, breaking a pledge he’d made to carefully remove them and donate them to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. The original New York Times story on the demolition includes a statement from “John Barron” — Trump himself — insisting that “the merit of these stones was not great enough to justify the effort to save them.” So that’s a whole passel of Trump being a lying bastard in a single episode, huh?

Maybe Trump has the right idea about history, though. Don’t think too much about it, and if you don’t have any real history available, make some up. (We’ll have a full story on the Bonwit-Teller demolition and Trump’s Fake History for you tomorrow!)

If you know ONE THING about MSNBC anchor Stephanie Ruhle, it is that she came to TV news directly from Wall Street. If you know more things about her, you are obviously a weird liberal who has MSNBC on at all hours of the day and night, like a common Wonkette. Whenever there is a huge story about #MoneyStuff, MSNBC puts her on literally every show to share her knowledge, because She. Knows. Her. Shit.

Thursday morning a dumbass Trump idiot named Brad Thomas, who ShareBlue notes is part of Trump’s re-election campaign (which sadly exists), and who wrote a book about giving blowies to Trump or something (we’re sure it’s great), went on MSNBC to talk to Ruhle and her co-host Ali Velshi about Trump’s YOOOOGE economic successes. Velshi has been a business reporter pretty much since he was born, and he’s married to a hedge funder. So is Stephanie Ruhle. REAL LIBERAL DUMB DUMBS who probably “never had a job” or something, we don’t know, pick your favorite libtard trope.

You can imagine how well this played out, if you can imagine things that are AWESOME.

VELSHI: Donald Trump is not even close to being the largest job creator in the first six months of his presidency. There are four recent presidents who do better than him. Why do you continue to say these things? […]

THOMAS: As a shopping center developer in my previous life, this is what I did. I don’t know what YOU did …

… but I’ve got a long background in business and I understand the announcement this week on infrastructure, the cost-cutting measures, that are now coming in place is going to stimulate this economy and create jobs. Jobs for everybody. All races. Everybody. And that’s really what’s important. Yeah, I think that’s the most important part of this that again the mainstream media really doesn’t recognize, is this job — he was hired — I hired him, I’ve doubled-down on the president of the United States, because I believe in him. I started writing this book four years ago, nobody knew he was going to run for president, but I’ve doubled-down on this. I believe he can make America great, and we’re already seeing that now. You can ignore these catalysts, but they’re there.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Velshi jumped in to say ACTUALLY, you idiot, I just told you Trump’s numbers are shit, and Ruhle noted that ACTUALLY, you idiot, there is no damn infrastructure plan, but Thomas was not deterred in his idiot defense of the unhinged president who is very bad at business:

THOMAS: Look, it’s just very complicated. And I get it, I know this is not your background so it may be hard …

Oh shiiiiiiiiit.

RUHLE: What are you talking about, Brad?

VELSHI: It is far more OUR background than it is yours.

RUHLE: Brad, I spent 14 years in investment banking.

VELSHI: You can’t just lie on TV, Brad. You can’t just lie on TV. You actually — I don’t know if your people told you who you were coming on TV with, but you can’t lie about the economy to us.

That’s right, BRAD. Stupid BRAD, being a total BRAD and acting like the fact that he put up that shopping center your mama likes to go to that has the TJ Maxx and the Stein Mart right next to each other means he is some kind of A Expert on all the TREMENDOUS things Trump, another big stupid loser, is doing for the economy.

The whole interview was like this. Velshi ‘splained the idiot that literally nothing Trump has done has improved the economy, and Ruhle ‘splained the idiot that corporate tax reform isn’t going to happen, because instead of working with Republican leadership on that, Donald Trump is “donkey-kicking them on Twitter.” Now, yr Wonkette is not a money expert, but we bet donkey-kicking Mitch McConnell is not on the business curriculum at Wharton, where Trump went to school and allegedly passed his classes.

Also? What’s happening in the stock market is a trend that started in March of 2009, two months after Nobummer NoNever was inaugurated. So …

Velshi concluded:

You should fire your press person because if they didn’t tell you that you were coming on T.V. with Velshi and Ruhle, who I think collectively—I don’t want to give away Stephanie’s age—but between the two of us we have been doing this for about 50 years. … This is a silly conversation to have with us. You can go to other people’s media and say these things, but NOT TO US.

BYE GIRL BYE.

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Back in March we told you about the curious mystery of the crazy party people, porn debauches, and acid-filled bathtub at the Florida house rented by Steve Bannon and his former (and third) wife, Diane Clohesy. By the time Bannon was no longer renting the place, it was quite the fixer-upper, what with padlocks on all the inside doors, the constant parties, and frequent police visits to the house, located among the McMansions of Miami’s Coconut Grove neighborhood. Those weird goings-on were initially reported by the Washington Post in a story about whether Bannon actually lived there: He was registered to vote at that address, but lived in Hollywood at the time. Now, ShareBlue has an update on the Bannon Meth Mansion of Mystery and the headaches — literally — that the next tenant had to deal with thanks to the previous tenants.

First off, one mystery cleared up: Miami-Dade law enforcement concluded that while Bannon never actually resided in the county, there wasn’t sufficient evidence to suggest he’d intentionally committed voter fraud by having registered to vote there. So Steve Bannon is not a vote frauder, what a relief.

The ShareBlue piece does flesh out some of the tales of debauchery and mayhem that the earlier Washington Post story only hinted at, mostly from the perspective of Lawrence Curtis, the poor unfortunate bastard who rented the house after the former Mrs. Bannon and her crew left. Curtis is an underwater cinematographer who was often away shooting movies, but while he lived there, the house was so full of chemical nastiness left over from the previous occupants that it literally made him sick. You’ll want to go read the whole thing, because there’s a bunch of debauchery, but we’ll give you a few highlights.

For one thing, there’s that hot tub, which was described only as “full of acid” in the earlier story. By the time Curtis took possession of the house, the oozy Jacuzzi had been cleaned up, sort of, but not really:

Carlos Herrera, who owned the house with with his wife, Andreina Morales, painted a picture of what initially seemed to be a normal tenancy but soon evolved into an almost daily parade of debauchery and drug use, including run-ins with the police.

“The conclusion is she was probably cooking meth in here,” Herrera said of Bannon’s ex-wife. That would have explained the damage done to the bathtub and kitchen sink.

Curtis even took pics of the luxury accommodations:

Curtis also heard all sorts of stories from five people who had seen what all went on in the Party Casa — apparently not while Bannon was there; he was apparently just paying his ex’s rent while she lived it up, because he’s just that kind of guy. A handyman who worked at the property told Curtis of having seen porn being filmed there, although in a shocking disappointment, we don’t know what the titles were. Investigative journalism, my eye. The handyman, Felix, said he’d “witnessed women and men being filmed in the act” and added that he’d had to remove lots of trash, rags, and buckets full of chemicals. Poor Felix also had the task of trying to scrub that tub, which appears to have been both thankless and futile. He too was sure it was used for making drugs.

Then there was the pest control dude who enjoyed telling Curtis — a little too enthusiastically, he thought — about all the drugs and sex and naked people, including

An unnamed male tenant, he said, who was “a heavy set man,” offered him “girls for sex and/or drugs in lieu of payment,” but he never accepted because he could lose his job.

Prolly not Bannon, though, because “heavy set” describes the bulk of Florida guys, except maybe the wiry ones all hopped up on bath salts and eating people’s faces.

Another repair guy Curtis called when he needed the kitchen range fixed initially refused to come to the house until he was sufficiently reassured that Curtis wasn’t the previous tenant. He told Curtis that when he’d been to the house previously, he saw something nasty in the everywhere:

“The tenants would scream at him to leave and threatened him with violence.” At other times, when he was allowed into the house to perform work, he observed topless and naked men and women and the constant presence of drugs, which they would sometimes offer to him.

He told Curtis it was “the worst experience of his life” and that he “did not want anything to do with those ‘evil people.’”

“You have no idea what kind of evil stuff went on in the house,” he said.

Asked for comment, the house oozed blood and moaned “For God’s sake, GET OUT.”

Curtis eventually had to move out of the house because it was affecting his health: After moving in, he’d experience “fatigue, inability to sleep, eye and skin irritation, chronic chest pain, and dizziness,” symptoms that faded when he checked into a hotel or went on a filming trip. The landlord, Herrera, eventually admitted methamphetamine had been made in the house, and test kits Curtis purchased showed contamination levels “through the roof,” confirming the presence of both meth and cocaine.

Not wanting to snort his rental home, Curtis moved out in May, and says he still suffers from health problems that began when he was renting Bannon’s former house.

That might help explain why Bannon’s complexion so closely resembles an Air Force drone’s bomb-damage assessment photos of Syrian battlefields. Or maybe it’s just acne.

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]]>https://wonkette.com/621819/steve-bannons-florida-porn-meth-palace-probably-not-your-top-airbnb-choice/feed336Why Do All These Jews Keep ‘Crucifying’ All These Nazis, With Mean Jew Words?https://wonkette.com/621812/why-do-all-these-jews-keep-crucifying-all-these-nazis-with-mean-jew-words
https://wonkette.com/621812/why-do-all-these-jews-keep-crucifying-all-these-nazis-with-mean-jew-words#commentsThu, 17 Aug 2017 18:35:38 +0000https://wonkette.com/?p=621812

Aaron VanArsdale, a bar owner in Kalamazoo, Michigan, is deeply upset over the fact that people think he is a Nazi. Why do they think he is a Nazi? Because of some pictures on his Facebook of him heiling Hitler, and of a Swastika on his head, and of a Jewish Star of David dripping in blood.

Since the photos were discovered, calls have been pouring in with people saying they’re going to boycott his business, bands have announced they will no longer play there, and vandals have spray painted “Get Out” and “Fuck you, Nazi scum” on the side of the bar.

“The public is crucifying me,” he told reporters at WWMT. Which is an interesting choice of words, wouldn’t you say? Weird how all these people getting in trouble for anti-Semitic shit keep referring to themselves as being crucified. Yes, he is the second nazi today to whine about it. The first one said this …

I have had no trial, no process of any kind, I have only been crucified by Jewish media and financial outlets for daring to suggest white people have a right to exist, to have a history, to have a culture, and to have a nation.

… because he might actually have to go to jail for beating the shit out of people. SAD.

VanArsdale insists that he’s not a White Supremacist, and that all the pictures were just his attempt at JOKES.

“I’m not a Nazi, I don’t support hate groups,” VanArsdale said.

“You see how that’s confusing when there’s a photo of the Star of David with blood on it with a swastika?” Newschannel 3 asked.

“Sure,” VanArsdale replied.

“So then why post them?” Newshcannel 3 asked.

VanArsdale replied, “Bad judgment, attempt at humor that didn’t turn out so well. You know, I’m not trying to make excuses that’s what it was. I don’t stand for that, I’m not pro-hate groups. I’m not in any extreme groups.”

How is that a joke? What is the punchline there, VanArsdale?

Allow me to note that the pictures have been up for years. So clearly it did not occur to him that this was “bad judgment” or a bad “attempt at humor” until people called him out on it.

Over the past few years, there has been this idea in certain right-wing circles that one can be “ironically racist” and “ironically anti-Semitic” without actually being either of those things. That they are simply fun ways to “trigger” liberals, push boundaries and be very cool and edgy. Like the hippies, even! Except with swastikas.

Just as the kids of the 60s shocked their parents with promiscuity, long hair and rock’n’roll, so too do the alt-right’s young meme brigades shock older generations with outrageous caricatures, from the Jewish “Shlomo Shekelburg” to “Remove Kebab,” an internet in-joke about the Bosnian genocide. These caricatures are often spliced together with Millennial pop culture references, from old 4chan memes like pepe the frog, to anime and My Little Pony references.

Are they actually bigots? No more than death metal devotees in the 80s were actually Satanists. For them, it’s simply a means to fluster their grandparents. Currently, the Grandfather-in-Chief is Republican consultant Rick Wilson, who attracted the attention of this group on Twitter after attacking them as “childless single men who jerk off to anime.”

He then proceeded to explain their true motivations were “not racism, the restoration of monarchy or traditional gender roles, but lulz.”

Oh, cool. LULZ. And they wonder why we don’t let conservatives do comedy!

The first problem with this, as Aaron VanArsdale learned, is that existence precedes essence. It literally does not matter if someone is a bigot in their heart. In fact, it does not matter what anyone is, in their heart. Guess why? Because there literally is no difference in impact between a picture of a “sincere” Nazi doing a Nazi salute and a picture of an “ironic” Nazi doing a Nazi salute. None at all! Given the fact that no one has psychic powers to see into your heart, it is best to do everything in one’s power to not appear to be a Nazi. Which, amazingly enough, is not actually that difficult.

There is no such thing as “ironic racism” or “ironic anti-Semitism.” There isn’t. Because you can’t actually do that shit without thinking that you are better than other people. Without thinking that the horror these images strike in the heart of Jewish people and people of color matters less than your right to have a grand old time saluting Hitler and drawing swastikas on your forehead.

And guess what? At the end of the day, you don’t get to have that. You do not get to have whimsical racism, or ironic racism and you don’t get to have everyone go “Oh, what a very cool and edgy guy, walking around heiling Hitler! No consequences for him!” No one is letting you have that, so stop it.

There’s also another, even more disturbing, aspect to this shit. The primary goal of the “sincere” Nazis is to move the Overton window to the Right, thus making their views more mainstream. This is part of why they worship Donald Trump. But, by pushing this idea that you can be whimsically racist or anti-Semitic “for the lulz” and that it’s all in good fun, they are hoping to inure people to their views. To get people to stop thinking of them as such a big deal. This is something they discuss constantly on their message boards.

Once they get people on board with “ironic racism,” the goal is to then “red pill” them with the real stuff — being OK with saying it or hearing it makes it a lot easier to believe. They also wish to make it unclear what is “ironic racism” and what is “real racism” so as to eliminate social consequences for either of those things. Because hey! The person could just be kidding!

So even if Aaron VanArsdale is not a “sincere” Nazi, he is aiding Nazis in normalizing their bullshit. There’s no such thing as an “innocent” Hitler salute.

And nobody “crucified” you by announcing they weren’t gonna play your shitty bar.

]]>https://wonkette.com/621812/why-do-all-these-jews-keep-crucifying-all-these-nazis-with-mean-jew-words/feed546Chuck C. Johnson, Julian Assange, And Dana Rohrabacher Walk Into A Bar, Because WHAT EVEN THE FUCK?https://wonkette.com/621814/chuck-c-johnson-julian-assange-and-dana-rohrabacher-walk-into-a-bar-because-what-even-the-fuck
https://wonkette.com/621814/chuck-c-johnson-julian-assange-and-dana-rohrabacher-walk-into-a-bar-because-what-even-the-fuck#commentsThu, 17 Aug 2017 18:08:39 +0000https://wonkette.com/?p=621814It’s like the Brady Bunch, except all of them are AWARD-WINNING.

Time to check in with Dana Rohrabacher, the elected Republican from Orange County, California, who mostly represents the Kremlin’s interests in Congress (since moving on from being literal actual BFFs with, and we are not kidding here, THE TALIBAN). He’s been traveling again, but this time he didn’t go to Moscow to get marching orders. Instead, he was in London, palling around with one of Moscow’s most finely aged tools, Julian Assange, who is still hiding inside the Ecuadorian embassy like a pussy. If you’re wondering why THE FUCK Rohrabacher is meeting with Assange, you are asking the correct question. If you’re also wondering why THE FUCKITY FUCK the internet’s greatest loser troll, Chuck C. Johnson, also attended the meeting … just holy shit. Because this is a thing that happened.

Charles Johnson, a conservative journalist, told TheDC that he arranged the meeting for Assange because the WikiLeaks chief wants to strike a deal with the U.S. so he can stop living in asylum.

Johnson is not a “journalist,” just like Julian Assange is not a “good person,” so let’s not be cute. Just kidding, he is an AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST, which he will tell you all the time, like if you were so desperate for human interaction that you talked to Chuck C. Johnson.

ANYWAY. According to Johnson (whom you’d also know was an award-winning journalist if you googled him, you prick), the deal is that Rohrabacher, doing Moscow’s bidding we guess, will go visit Comrade Trump in the White House, to try to make an Art Of The Deal to let Julian Assange become a free man. And it’s no big deal, because Julian Assange has committed NO CRIMES (certainly nothing rapey in Sweden, and DEFINITELY not working with the Russians to tinker with the 2016 election in favor of one Donald John Trump). Indeed, Assange assured Rohrabacher of that:

After TheDC broke the news of the meeting, Rohrabacher put out a statement in which he said Assange “emphatically stated that the Russians were not involved in the hacking or disclosure of those emails.”

We’re convinced! (Dana Rohrabacher is convinced, because on top of being Moscow’s errand boy, he is also very stupid.)

Of course, it’s possible that Assange has no idea he’s been working for the Russians this whole time. Russia is big on co-opting useful idiots like that.

Here’s the statement from Rohrabacher’s office, confirming the meeting:

We notice a couple things here right off the bat. First of all, it’s creepy and weird that Rohrabacher “plans to divulge more of what he found directly to President Trump,” as if Julian Assange should have a right to be passing fake news love notes to the American president. Also, we’re worried Trump will believe whatever Rohrabacher says Assange told him, because he too is a very stupid and gullible man.

Hey, maybe Assange’s message contains flat-out conspiracy lies about how Hillary Clinton colluded with Ukraine to steal the election from herself! Because that’s the counter-narrative America’s enemies in Moscow and inside the White House want people to believe.

We’re also amused by the editorial paragraph in the congressman’s official statement, where it states as fact that the WikiLeaks emails revealed that the 2016 Democratic primary was #RIGGED against Bernie Sanders. Way to get that Russian dezinformatsiya in there, Congressman! We bet Putin is IMPRESSED.

OK, so Rohrabacher is trying to free Assange from his shackles, he’s passing Assange’s bullshit candygrams on to Trump, and AWARD-WINNING JOURNALIST Chuck C. Johnson set it all up. Anything else we should know? Oh just this thing Rohrabacher told The Hill:

“Julian passionately argued the case that WikiLeaks was vital to informing the public about controversial though necessary issues. He hoped that WikiLeaks — an award-winning journalistic operation — might be granted a seat in the White House press corps. As a former newsman myself I can’t see a reason why they shouldn’t be granted news status for official press conferences,” he said.

Holy CHRIST. Look, we know the Trump White House will let any AWARD-WINNING loser troll into its press room, and that the Trump White House is a big fan of all kinds of apeshit AWARD-WINNING fake news reported by dudes who raise money for ACTUAL NAZIS, but even in Trump’s America of 2017, some things should still be considered beyond the pale, and JULIAN FUCKING ASSANGE IN THE WHITE HOUSE PRESS ROOM IS ONE OF THEM.

We reiterate: WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? To all of this!

WHY is Chuck C. Johnson arranging meetings between Republican congressmen and Julian Assange to convince Trump to spring him from Ecuadorian embassy prison and give him a free ticket to the White House? And does CIA Director Mike Pompeo know about this? Because we seem to remember Pompeo recently calling Assange a literal Nazi. And does Attorney General Jeff Sessions know about this? Because we’re pretty sure Sessions announced in April that it’s a “priority” for his Justice Department to put Assange IN AMERICAN JAIL.

Fuck this, as it’s making our head hurt worse than it already was.

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]]>https://wonkette.com/621814/chuck-c-johnson-julian-assange-and-dana-rohrabacher-walk-into-a-bar-because-what-even-the-fuck/feed224Cry, Nazi! Cryyyyyyy!https://wonkette.com/621809/cry-nazi-cryyyyyyy
https://wonkette.com/621809/cry-nazi-cryyyyyyy#commentsThu, 17 Aug 2017 17:32:03 +0000https://wonkette.com/?p=621809Nowhere near as good as the Andy Kaufman bit where the sobs turn into a calypso song.

You may have already seen the viral video of poor Christopher Cantwell, the Sniffling Nazi. If you haven’t, here, come meet Christopher Cantwell, the Sniffling Nazi. He is a big-time rightwing presence on the interwebs who the SPLC says has a call-in talk show for fascist dudes, and is also an aspiring standup comedian, although he probably doesn’t have the stones to actually handle a tough crowd. But it’s good to have goals, and now that he’s become infamous as the Sniffling Nazi, if he ever gets an HBO or Netflix special, he’s got a title ready to go: Crying is Easy. Comedy is Hard. He’d better credit Wonkette though, or we’ll sue him right into another teary panic.

He’s enough of a Big Deal that he was even featured on the not-at-all Nazi-ish poster for the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville last weekend, though he wasn’t right up top:

Most normal human Americans had never heard of Mr. Cantwell — OK, most still haven’t, but more know him now — before he appeared in two videos following the violence in Charlottesville. In Vice News’s terrific coverage of the march, Cantwell can be seen talking about how ready he is for whatever the Enemy might throw at him, because he is an alpha tough-guy male with a gun and the shield of his beliefs, which will prevail. He told Vice News reporter Elle Reeve, “We’re not non-violent, we’ll fucking kill these people if we have to” and went on to say he was pretty stoked that one of the asshats who marched with the Nazibros had killed Heather Heyer by smashing his car into a crowd of counter-demonstrators:

“I’d say it was worth it,” he said. “The fact that nobody on our side died, I’d go ahead and call that points for us… I think a lot more people are going to die here.”

He shows up at several points in the video; we’ve cued up the first, then he’s also whining about how he’s being all lawful and stuff (they had a PERMIT!) at 6:35 and elsewhere.

Oh, but once he found out there was a warrant out for his arrest, Mr. Big Tough White Nationalist went into hiding and posted the video for which he will truly become famous, with all the sobbing and choking up and sniffling:

The poor lad is practically shitting his pants.

I want to be peaceful, I want to be law-abiding, okay? That was the whole entire point of this. And I’m watching CNN talk about this as violent, white nationalist protest — we have done everything in our power to keep this peaceful. I know we can talk a lot of shit on the internet […] Every step of the way, we have tried to do the right thing. And they just won’t stop! We have used every peaceful and lawful means by which to redress our grievances, and our enemies just will not stop.

The poor thing says he was assaulted, and that “Chelsea Manning, this Tranny fanatic” had even posted a “picture of himself — [sneer] herself! — talking about curb-stomping Nazis!” Gosh, someone posted a violent fantasy on the Internet? Must not have been in the Wonkette comments, that’s for sure. “What options do we have left?” he wants to know. Maybe don’t shitpost about the joys of genocide and you won’t have people shitposting about wanting to genocide you? It’s a thought.

Also, we learn that Christopher Cantwell the Sniffling Nazi was especially terrified during the torchlit parade at the University of Virginia because the mean liberals there wouldn’t let him carry a gun, so he was especially twitchy, and that’s why he had to hit some people. He offers to let law enforcement come and pick him up, and admits to any cops that he is armed, but sobs he wants to give up peacefully: “I’m terrified you’re going to kill me, I really am.”

“I honestly believe I’ve been law abiding, and I’ve been engaged in violence, I have, there’s no question about it,” the pensive oppressed fella sniffs. But it was “done in defense of myself and others,” so it’s all OK!

Since the video went viral, Cantwell the Sniffling Nazi has had to do some ‘splaining about how he’s no coward, writing on social media, “Please be careful. I’m willing to fight and die with you. I’m not a coward. But we are not prepared for the conflict we are about to walk into.”

He also complained on his personal website that he’s bein’ oppressed just for having an opinion, and Facebook and PayPal and Twitter have suspended his accounts (for TOS violations because The Jews) and whatever happened to the First Amendment, huh?

I have had no trial, no process of any kind, I have only been crucified by Jewish media and financial outlets for daring to suggest white people have a right to exist, to have a history, to have a culture, and to have a nation.

]]>https://wonkette.com/621809/cry-nazi-cryyyyyyy/feed675It’s All Fun And Games Until Steve Bannon Drunk-Dials You With His Butthttps://wonkette.com/621805/its-all-fun-and-games-until-steve-bannon-drunk-dials-you-with-his-butt
https://wonkette.com/621805/its-all-fun-and-games-until-steve-bannon-drunk-dials-you-with-his-butt#commentsThu, 17 Aug 2017 15:26:57 +0000https://wonkette.com/?p=621805He just wants to be friends.

First of all, it is bullshit that Steve Bannon had girl talk with Robert Kuttner, a reporter from the American Prospect, and didn’t know he was giving an interview. He may say that, but it’s bullshit. The guy ran/runs Breitbart, and knows what a “reporter” is. As Kuttner explains, Bannon “is not exactly Bambi when it comes to dealing with the press.” Now, did Bannon’s flaky pock-marked ass accidentally dial the reporter when he was drunk? We don’t know, but Bannon says he’s a teetotaler, so probably not! (We don’t understand how teetotalers get skin that bad, but hey, MAYBE he really doesn’t drink.)

Regardless, oh boy, what a conversation they had! Kuttner says the call was unsolicited, and you’ll pardon us for assuming most human interactions with Steve Bannon are unsolicited. It happened Tuesday afternoon, presumably after Donald Trump did his best impression of the Stupidest Hitler, and stuck up for the Nazis in Charlottesville. (The president is still doing that this morning, on Twitter, bitching and man-baby crying about how every time a Confederate monument comes down, a Nazi angel gets punched in the dick. Sad!)

The most important takeaway is that Steve Bannon, the guy who allegedly told his wife he didn’t want his kids going to school with a bunch of fucking Jews, thinks white supremacists are total losers. Yes, this is the same Steve Bannon who used his internet platform, Dead Breitbart’s Home For White Guys Who Don’t Usually Get Erections, to mainstream white supremacists and Nazis.

“Ethno-nationalism—it’s losers. It’s a fringe element. I think the media plays it up too much, and we gotta help crush it, you know, uh, help crush it more.”

“These guys are a collection of clowns,” he added.

Well OK then! We’re skeptical!

A lot of the interview seems to be Bannon’s way of pushing back on the swirl of rumors that he’s losing his influence in the White House, or that he might be fired and have to spend the rest of his life picking skin tags off his grundle all by himself in some place that isn’t the White House. (Not gonna happen. Bannon is the boss of Donald Trump, and if he didn’t get fired for calling Jared Kushner a “cuck,” i.e. saying his boss’s daughter bones black dudes while his boss’s son-in-law watches, he should be fairly safe.)

He discussed his brilliant thoughts about China, and said “there’s no military solution” when it comes to North Korea, which is a wildly different stance from when Donald Trump attempted to appear manly and said he was going to do “fire, fury and frankly power” to the pathetic little rogue nation. Considering all that, he sees no reason not to be “maniacally focused” on having a trade war with China, because #reasons.

He also says he’s going to fire all the normal people at all the departments and replace them with stinky racist buckets of dick cheese like himself:

“I’m changing out people at East Asian Defense; I’m getting hawks in. I’m getting Susan Thornton [acting head of East Asian and Pacific Affairs] out at State.”

But can Bannon really win that fight internally?

“That’s a fight I fight every day here,” he said. “We’re still fighting. There’s Treasury and [National Economic Council chair] Gary Cohn and Goldman Sachs lobbying.”

“We gotta do this. The president’s default position is to do it, but the apparatus is going crazy. Don’t get me wrong. It’s like, every day.”

OK, whatever that means, big hairy gin-soaked crusty jizz face man.

Fun fact: As we were writing this, MSNBC aired a live clip of Secretary of State Rex Tillerson being very publicly nice to Susan Thornton. Perhaps that is Tillerson’s way of saying, “As soon as I wake up from this nap, FUCK Steve Bannon, right in his ear.”

Anyway, Steve Bannon is disgusting and we’re glad he doesn’t call us for unsolicited phone sexxx, the end.

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