Last week I read about a study in which 1/3 of the young women interviewed experienced post-coital depression and 10 % said they frequently or almost always felt sad after intimacy.

The researchers wonder whether some of us are feeling blue after intimacy because we are actually biologically predisposed to this depression.

I’m not sure what I think of that, because no matter our age, we live with expectations about intimacy from our partners and ourselves. It’s an important part of life. In fact, I can honestly say that if you were to ask my closest friends what two things they argue about most with their partners, the answers would be money and sex. Sound familiar?

I also wonder how much of these feelings of sadness relate not only to our present relationships but also to our past or the pressures we feel from society. When I was younger, I could relate not necessarily to feeling sad but certainly to feeling guilt and regret. And I think those feelings were tied in large part to my immaturity, emotional and otherwise.

Our emotional complexity as women makes intimacy much more than just a physical act that feels good. If our expectations are higher and what we bring to it is more complicated, on levels we may not even be fully conscious of, then we are more likely to be disappointed.