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Top 100 Facts About My Anus

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to My Anus and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that My Anus is on.

A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture of My Anus is worth 1 billion words.

My Anus was born with the right to party. Unlike the rest of us, who have to fight for it.

My Anus was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

My Anus is the only one who can "try this at home."

Along with his black belt, My Anus often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever.

As President Roosevelt said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself. And My Anus."

Before sliced bread was invented, people used to say "Thats the greatest thing since My Anus".

My Anus always asks for the same Christmas gift: A box of Smurfs and a sledgehammer.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed My Anus that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Circles exist because My Anus beat the crap out of some squares.

A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. My Anus, 3. Cancer

A man once claimed My Anus kicked his ass twice, but it was promptly dismissed as false - no one could survive it the first time.

My Anus's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools My Anus.

My Anus became a vegetarian not because he loves animals, but because he hates plants.

For My Anus, every street is "one way". His way.

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered My Anus"

Every time someone uses the word "intense", My Anus always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.

My Anus can kill two stones with one bird.

My Anus and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants.

Scientifically speaking, it is impossible to charge My Anus with "obstruction of justice." This is because even My Anus cannot be in two places at the same time.

Police label anyone attacking My Anus as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of My Anus's first visit to Tokyo.

If at first you don't succeed, you must not be My Anus.

If My Anus wants some shade, he stares the sun down until it eclipses.

If you Google search "My Anus getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

For undercover police work, My Anus pins his badge underneath his shirt, directly into his chest.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a My Anus glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except My Anus.

My Anus's family wraps his holiday presents in lead, so he can't see what's in them.

Some people like to eat frogs' legs. My Anus likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.

In an act of great philanthropy, My Anus made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research.

The crossing lights in My Anus's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of My Anus punching or kicking a pedestrian.

He who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at My Anus … dies.

The Bible was originally titled "My Anus and Friends"

In the Words of Julius Caesar, "Veni, Vidi, Vici, My Anus". Translation: I came, I saw, and I was roundhouse-kicked in the face by My Anus.

In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader, the winner would be My Anus.

It is believed dinosaurs are extinct due to a giant meteor. That's true if you want to call My Anus a giant meteor.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. My Anus can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. My Anus was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

The First rule of My Anus is: you do not talk about My Anus.

The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets My Anus.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep My Anus out. It failed miserably.

Lightning never strikes twice in one place because My Anus is looking for it.

The pen is mighter than the sword, but only if the pen is held by My Anus.

The only time My Anus was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs My Anus. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

If My Anus wants your opinion, he'll beat it into you.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects My Anus could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a My Anus roundhouse kick.

Little known medical fact: My Anus invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his monther's womb.

The United States could save billions in defense funding if they trade the Military for My Anus

This article was brought to you by 100factsabout.com and Tom Chapin.
Please Note: This page is intended purely as humor and plays off of quotes from many anonymous internet sources who originally stated the jokes in reference to celebrities such as Chuck Norris.