Cornered

July 20 2003By Andrew Dyson

The federal Treasurer last week requested that the citizenry engage more enthusiastically with voluntary organisations. Coming from one who has consistently advocated rugged self-reliance for all save the wealthy, this call seems specifically designed to enrage the honest taxpayer. Nor does it make any allowance at all for those constitutionally incapable of engaging with volunteers.

I, for example, have been engaged several times, but it never seems to work out. I cannot cope with the fact that the well-spoken lady who comes collecting for Distressed Gentlewomen is far better dressed than anyone under my roof. Ditto that sleek fellow who collects for the Company Director's Benevolent Fund. Nor can I help noticing that the individual so ably representing the Golden Retriever Support Group (Toorak branch) has a wet nose and glossy coat I should give my eye-teeth, had I any remaining, for.

Whilst it is understandable in thesestraitened times that the wealthy should seek to supplement their inheritances with "voluntary work" among the poor, it is equally understandable that the poor feel constrained to resist them in a spirited manner. This fine balance between upper-class chicanery and lower-class violence is known as Mutual Obligation, and thus far it has served thisnation well.

Amazingly, the Treasurer considers thisfine tradition repugnant, and cruelly suggestswe all atone for it by spending one hour a week "at the Rotary, the Lions group, the church,the synagogue, the sporting club, the Neighbourhood Watch, the school or the RSL, the Scouts, the book group, the political meeting or at a neighbour's house". Bad enough that such a punishment consigns the citizen to a vile purgatory liberally sprinkled with people he wouldn't want to be seen dead with (you should meet my neighbours). Worse, a mandatory sentence of one hour's community service per citizen per week shall, ipso facto, criminalise the entire population, thus converting our fair land into a noisome gulag cowering under the knout of social obligation.

No thank you, Mr Costello. One can't help thinking that a lot less harm would be wrought if the Treasurer took a leaf from his leader's military policy of embarrassingly rapid disengagement, and immediately sought work commensurate with his abilities. Like fund-raising, for example, for a third olympic pool at the local private girls' college.");document.write("