Premier League's 'December manager of the month' is another 'shock result'

After a Christmas period full of strange results in the Premier League, The League Managers' Association (LMA) have delivered yet another surprise in announcing their December's manager of the month award. The Premier League winner of the award has gone to John Barrows, a road sweeper and life long Blackburn Rovers fan.

'From his season ticket seat, row B seat 167 just behind the dugout, Mr Barrows has shown great tactical awareness, and has been notably vocal in passing his expert views to the players' Richard Bevan, head of the LMA told us. 'With advise such as 'come on', 'get the ball', 'take his legs' and his trademark 'what the fuck was that', he has shown he knows his stuff. If only the team listened they may not be in the relegation zone.'

Speaking from his 'manager's office' and local, The Kings Arms, Mr Barrows told us he was delighted to finally be recognised for his superior football knowledge. 'I'm not suprised. I've spent 25 years shouting my words of wisdom to the team, and you can tell when they have been listening. That's when we win. Clearly when we lose, they have been listening to the manager.'

However, with this award comes responsibility, and the F.A have announced they are to investigate comments Mr Barrows made about referee Howard Webb. He is alleged to have criticised a decision not to give a red card, and followed that by calling him a 'baldy twat'. He then burst in to a chant that alleges the referee is a man who likes to masturbate.

Some fans have started to turn on Barrows following a poor run of form that sees the team facing relegation, and have planned a protest before the next home game. But he does have the backing of other teams' managers. Sir Alex Ferguson told a pre-match press conference that he rates Barrows and has called him for advise. He has since put Wayne Rooney on a diet after Barrows described him as a 'fat bastard'. After checking his 'ethnic origin', Kenny Dalglish also publicly backed the under pressure man saying 'He may be going through some dark times at the moment, but I hope he'll be all white'

My team used to have a fan who always went down the front and coached in what I can only describe as a junior school PE teacher style. "Run around, look for space", "Get up front, you're not going to score from there are you?", "Don't just kick it, son", "Spread out, stop bunching" and so on. Top man.