Oh it’s that time. the Holiday Hoedowns. Secret Santa Elephant Tree Recycle Gala. The” WHEN DID I SIGN UP TO DO THIS?” The, “Should I even try to add WHOLE wheat flour to the Christmas baking again so I can be rejected by my family and end up sobbing with a bag of cookies in the corner?” The “WHY AM I BAKING? because the kitchen looks like an episode of the ‘Blindfolded Chef searches for a Bachelor who can cook”

Due to my ADHD-OCD tinged with the incessant need to plan, pre-plan , over-plan, cancel plans – juxtaposed with my spontaneous and carefree nature, all recorded in hand- written calendarS, glitter adorned journals, smart-phone-gratitude -app-journals, sticky-note-hoarding-piles and this gem:

What was that phrase someone EMBLAZONED ON A GIANT PILLOW FOR ME “Keep it…Keep it…oh darn, what was it (simple.)

November 20th I volunteered to help out with a science experiment at my son’s school. I failed all lab experiments in College so I should be a beneficial asset. .. Maybe driving around listening to Journey and Rob Base in my friend’s car with the really LOUD speaker system, during lab, wasn’t the best use of my collegiate time.

November 21st the 56790th orthodontist appointment this month. My son’s expander fell out of his mouth. He denies any starburst consumption as the cause. (‘Da Dun’ SVU music playing..)

November 22nd Nutcracker practice. I ignored all emails from Dance Director because I assumed vicariously living through my children through Hip Hop Dance Class would translate into non-Nutcracker performances because If it were my Dance Studio, I would do the whole Run DMC Christmas in Hollis Queens Dance Recital, yet maybe why I do not own a Dance Studio. #bizloandenied. Seriously, I am excited for them to be apart of The Nutcracker, sometimes the facetious nature of pointing out my idiosyncrasies, sounds way too sarcastic and flip.

November 23rd, same thing as above but I also have written “Truck $4382648732649873687264 payment”,hmmm, what could that mean?

Week November 24, my husband informed me we would be leaving for his Mee Maw and Pee Paws EARLY this vacation week because ‘I needs to get to cookin’.’ No I’m just kidding, he did not say this 1950s , stereotypically Southern phrase. He did say we were leaving early, I missed the rest of what he said because the previews for ‘Mocking-JAY-part-1-of-56-HungerGames-omg-jlaw-is-literally-so00000amazing‘ was on the television.

Additionally, TAKE beautiful candid pictures next to cool barns and pastures, in hipster outfits with our Soap Opera messy-gelled- straight-curly with feathery wisps – gently cascading in the wind and ostensibly, in front of our face, but not – “OMG-PLEASE-GET-YOUR-HAIR-OUT-OF-YOUR-FACE-FOR-THE-PICTURE!!!” — for Christmas cards. Or see what the Kardashians cooked up this year and try to imitate that Goth masterpiece. I love how my computer tries to spell check Kardashian to Guardianship.

December 3rd some kind of appointment for some child in my house AND I signed up to be a Secret Santa helper on the same day on purpose for some reason. I think I actually wrote “intentional” on my calendar.

December 4th, a bunch of automatic payments are coming out of our account because it’s all red and highlighty on my calendar, wait I thought all payments were frozen to boost Holidays sales because that is the primary purpose of the season, cash-money.

December 5th USA? what does that mean? or USAA? ok, o think we owe them something monthly, maybe that thing that protects us from being sued if we drive horrendously in parking lots.

December 6th Dress rehearsal for the Nutcracker AND My daughters chorus concert…rest Assured, I have emailed all affected Directors and thoroughly explained my scheduling plight in grave detail, because essentially, all of these concerts and recitals are ABOUT ME and ONLY ME and collaterally pertains to the scheduling of my family.

December 7th. The NutCracker. It’s gonna be Crunk.

December 8th “alkajdfp987349823″ I can’t read my handwriting. I think it’s someone’s birthday. Oh Snap, my sisters birthday is the 6th. and the 16th. and the 12 and maybe the 8th. I have 3 sisters, so . carry the 1 and…. Usually I just send them their birthday cards when I send the Christmas cards which are all late. It’s the thought that counts.

December 13th an appointment on a Saturday? WHO IS THE KEEPER OF THIS CALENDAR?

December 14th. 34500000 sticky notes on the fridge on how I really need to get shopping and wrapping. wrapped up.

I also bookmarked some article in Huffington Post titled “The disease of being over scheduled?” Maybe I will read that in between unknown doctors appointment and Secret Santa on December 3rd. Happy Holidays (Which, as a phrase, is a hot-trending-topic right now on Social Media, get the popcorn out….. )

When the topic of “child-rearing” comes to the forefront, I get hot and prickly. Instead of turning the air conditioning to 50 or moving myself into the grocery store cooler, I decided to write about it because writing is my therapy, it’s my release, it’s how I control my Rolodex brain.

The inspiration for this blog? I recently read an article about how the Whooping Cough was an epidemic in California and in the blog it stated it was a direct result of people choosing to not vaccinate their children. (see link below). What was so incredibly disturbing about this blog, was the parents’ vehemence towards each other on the topic. Especially the pro-vaccination side, and I’m pro-vaccination. I was appalled at how nasty the comments were towards the people who do not vaccinate. Yes, it distresses me that diseases are coming back and some say that scientific evidence has proven that it to be a direct result of people not vaccinating their children. All I can say that is if my child contracts a deadly disease, as a result of being around un-vaccinated children, and I vaccinated my children, I would be incredibly upset and want to point my fingers in a thousand directions.

However, lately, I decided, when I get inwardly steamed about a controversial subject, I am trying to do the opposite of overreacting and commenting wildly on Facebook. (you know you have done it..:) . I am trying to bring my inner Dali Lama to the forefront and find a medium in which we can agree to disagree and really try to support each other as we raise our children in this world.

An additional caveat inspiration, the petition to comb Jay-Z and Beyoncé’s daughter’s hair was the most ridiculous criticism of another person’s parenting I have seen in a while, maybe in my life. I don’t care who they are, they are human and the paparazzi is ruthless. Leave that child alone.

As a society, I feel like parents; women especially, could do a much better job in supporting each other when it comes to how parents chose to provide for and raise their children. There are 500 different scenarios, and I do not think I have to list them all out because any parent that’s pouring love out of their heart to raise their children is a parent I support. Why does it have to be a competition? Why are SAHP (stay at home parents) cast as a certain stereotype and working parents cast as another? There are perks and insurmountable obstacles of all types of scenarios in raising kids. It is difficult enough to raise kids, without some blogger, polemicist or negative Nancy poking holes in your juju. (no disrespect to Nancy, it just went with word negative) I have worked since I was 11. I worked upwards of 18 hours a day before I had kids. I worked part time on three separate occasions after I had kids, and I simply could not make it work with my husband’s schedule. Why is the SAHP cast as the unproductive bon bon eating stereotype? Why is the working parent cast as a stereotype that doesn’t nurture their children as much as the SAHP?

I parent the way that I do because it feels right in MY gut, and below is a list of what I think we as parents can do to support each other in parenting:.

For the record, I have probably criticized every one of these items in my head or out loud. Through some personal growth, I am realizing that when I criticize another person in general, my own inner insecurities are rearing their monstrous head. My criticisms of anyone or anything, has everything to do with my issues and little or nothing to do with their issues. My point, stop throwing stones in the glass house and start using some Windex together.

1) How many extra curricular activities (I.e. sports) their children are involved in and Thankfully , because of some of the work I have done on myself, I’m less likely to parent my children based on “comments” made by other parents.

2) How a parent disciplines their children. Aside from physical, emotional abuse and neglect, how you (or as a family unit) chose to discipline your children is YOUR BUSINESS. You are in the shoes 24/7, not the onlooker.

For example, helping a parent who lost sight of her child for fifteen seconds (rather than scolding them with looks of disdain or remarks of disapproval) may be a better approach in a situation where you truly feel like a parent can benefit from your help or advice. This actually JUST happened to me today. A small child ran away from his Mom and I happened to be there to catch him before he went into the street. The Mom was sprinting, breathless, panicked, distraught and terrified. I simply said “is this little guy yours?” smiled warmly and joined their hands. If it hasn’t happened to you, then you are lucky. Toddlers are fast and we are human. My point is, most parents know when they effed up, so giving them “tips” or making “comments” usually isn’t helpful. At all.

3) STAYING HOME TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said.

4) WORKING TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR CHILDREN. Enough Said. Both scenarios have their pros and cons. Stop trying to win the argument because there should not even be an argument anymore. It takes a Village.

5) BEING A SINGLE PARENT. Enough Said. I know my Dad struggled with this feat for many many years.

6)Being A Gay Parent. How is “gayness” affecting the child? or your child? If you associate being “gay” with being perverse, that’s your problem.

7) Home Schooling your Children. Sending your Children to Private School. Sending your children to Public School. I personally could not home school my children because I substituted as a preschool teacher and I learned very quickly that it’s simply not in my DNA and I would be performing an injustice to their education.

8) What type of religion , if any, is taught in the home. I do my best to teach my children what I know, I bought them “cartoon-esque” bibles so they have a basic understanding of Christianity, but essentially it is their decision to believe in what they want to believe in for themselves. I believe in a Higher Power of my understanding, I want them to come to understand what that means to them on their own terms.

9) How many chores your kids do around the house or if they earn an allowance. Again, you are not in the parents’ shoes 24/7, you are the onlooker. What works for some , may not work for others.

10) I’m backtracking a bit, but breastfeeding. I did not breastfeed, I tried and had to stop. No, I am not going to buy another mom’s milk over the internet or even next door. Yes I do know how fabulous it is/was for the baby. I applaud the women who breastfed and breastfeed. The people who are not breastfeeding or did not breastfeed DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOUR OPINIONS and “BREASTMATION” (projectile vomiting of information on breast milk). Save it for your Breastfeeding groups and people who want to hear the information. I speak from experience and most moms I know who also did not breastfeed, DID NOT COME UPON THE DECISION LIGHTLY. Many tears were shed over my decision to formula feed my children.

OKAY ONE MORE 11)

JUST BEING THEMSELVES. I am around a lot of moms. The most common thing I hear is that they are so tired of being judged and tired of feeling like they are losing themselves in what other people THINK they should be doing. Why are we so damn hard on each other, aren’t we hard enough on ourselves??? Whether you are a strict parent, a funny parent, a fly by the seat of your pants- parent, cook three meals a day for your kid parent, kids were potty trained at 18 months or 5 years, parent (which, by the way, has NOTHING to do with you..so stop stressing if you are potty training right now, the child I spent less time agonizing over, was the child who trained quickly and had less issues) organized pintrest guru parent, handy parent, dramatic parent, etc!!! , I think the worst thing we can do to each other as parents is criticize each other!

Please do not read this blog for etiquette tips or how to properly host a Southern Living type soiree or have tea and mint julips with Southern ladies on the back porch. I mean, I assume you kind of guessed that by the picture that starts of the blog, but just in case there is ANY confusion, this blog does not provide any Southern Hospitality /Southern Living magazine type of guidance, oh and neither does the song.

Its Spring here in Georgia and when its spring I listen to Southern Hospitality, Ludacris (stop highlighting his name in red spellcheck person, that’s how he spells it!!) Style on my playlist. Essentially I am not “OverallGeorgia” because I was raised in New England, so I have no earthly idea why I turn into a rapper when I’m jogging\walking while I got my jammed up beats just MURDERING my ear drums. Hip Hop/Rap music or whatever you want to call it, moves me, to move. If I need to exercise, I play it. If I need to clean the house, I play. If I need to go to the grocery store, especially in the spring and my windows are rolled down, Oh YEAH I crank it loud. So loud in fact, I tweeted on the subject matter: I luv that my bass is so loud it draws looks of concern. (hasthag! Bass, beezintthetrap, momswagger, momhumor smiley face emoticon)

Technically I am not DTP by jogging through my neighborhood with my dre beats glued into my innner ear canals. (disturbing the peace, term coined non other by the illustrious man pictured above, and am I supposed to capitalize Dre Beats?); yet sometimes, I wish I was DTP. Not in a war~like manner, more in a less~anxiety~ridden~housewife~in~the~suburbs~omg~why~dont~my~kids~listen~to~me~ever….type manner. As in, I need to freaking relax a little. I’m wound up pretty damn tight when it comes to all the “hously” chores and keeping my kids in~line. I need to lay off a little bit and essentially just join in the DTP mode with my gremlins whose motis operandi is to DTP at all costs.

Again, herein lies the oxymoron, polarizing personality within my soul.n I love extremely boisterous, or as the hipsters and youth pinpoint as “ratchet” music. However, I try to mediate every morning, and I cannot concentrate on any task if my kids are being “RATCHETLY” loud. It makes zero sense to me either as I tweeted yesterday “the rebirth of the BASS EXPLOSION in the springtime, is as intoxicating as the spring birdies”. I guess that truly sums up my personality, if one were have to tweet a 140 character summation of character.

Currently, the song I listened to on repeat today is “GET BACK” by Ludacris. In a nutshell, the moral of this song is “GET BACK GET BACK YOU DON’T KNOW ME LIKE THAT” , well take a listen. If you dislike profanity, maybe listen to the edited version. It’s a fabulous song if you are feeling boxed in and need some space.

I’m drawn to this song right now because I feel like everyone all up in my grill, lately. My woman’s group I attend to glean spiritual placidity (without sanctimonious religious overtones infused with hellfire & brimstone) would frown upon my “back the eff off” disposition; however writing is my salvation and maybe loud bass thumping music, “DTPing” in my ears, is MY salvation for peacefulness right at this very moment. I know right, I simply could not be more polarizing if I tried.

Well, as the “Stay Thirsty my Friends”, dude and Ludacris says, in so many words..May you forever keep disturbing the peace in a manner that brings YOU PEACE. Peace Out Bitches.