I was totally on the fence about booking a maternity photo shoot. It has been a rough month for us and adding yet another “To Do” item to our list seemed a bit daunting. But gosh, I’m glad we did! I found a local mom/photographer and we met up a few weeks ago at a local pea patch right before sunset. I wanted that warm, late summer light and she captured just that! Here are a few more…take a look!

Watching: The days slowly ticking down. We are into week 37 and she could make her appearance any day now! Week 35 was a bit of a shock when we found out she was extremely low and settled into my pelvis (-2 station if you will). I was put on limited mobility and spent the following week trying to relax AND worrying that she might be early. Now that we’re past that, it’s back to checking down the days. I have a sneaking suspicion that she’s going to be late after all of this drama!

Loving: That my baby daddy took me on a surprise Baby Moon over Labor Day weekend! It was such a treat to go back to our old college stomping grounds but being able to stay in a fancy inn/spa 🙂 Hello Chrysalis! We took the scenic route there, stopping off on Chuckanut Drive for a late lunch. Had a couples massage. Went to dinner at Boundary Bay. Reminisced about when we first started dating. It was the PERFECT getaway.

Doing: Trying to finish up this darn nursery! We’ve got all of the furniture but the walls are still bare and I need to get some accessories into the mix. I’ve attempted to get a frame, oh say, four times now with no luck and tracking down a lamp has been nearly impossible.

Reading: I know I’m a bit late in the game on this one, but I realized that it never came up in my library cue so I ordered it off of Amazon Prime this week. I’m a quick reader though so hopefully I’ll finish it before she arrives! If anything, it’ll be a good last minute refresher. Ina May is the BOSS. I know a friend of a friend who came into this world by Ina May herself and that was beyond cool to find out. Like whoa.

Eating: A lot. I would say my hunger level these past few weeks has really, really increased. I wake up hungry, snack all day and have to cut myself off before going to bed. I’m trying to keep veggies in the mix, but it’s hard people! My latest craving is anything with cinnamon, which usually boils down to cinnamon rolls. Duh.

Thinking about: What we’re going to name this wild child! We had a name that we both really liked early on then each found separate names that we liked more than the original name but don’t like each others. Does that even make sense? So yeah, three names in the running but only one that’s agreed upon. Hoping we can find one or two more that we both like and we’ll be bringing them all to the hospital with us. It’ll be a game day decision I think!

Just hours after I took this photo, she was no longer here with us. I still can’t believe how quickly it happened. Just three short weeks ago.

Reminding her of the agreement we’d made over the weekend – that the next seizure would be her final one because I wasn’t going to let her suffer anymore.
Holding her on the cool bathroom floor as best I could with a pregnant stomach in the way.
Telling her just how much she meant to me and that it was all going to be OK.
Knowing we needed to get her to the vet ASAP but really not wanting to go.

At the age of 34, you’d figure I’d be used to making all sorts of grown up decisions – buying a home, starting a family, etc. – but making the decision to put a pet down was single handily the hardest thing I’ve done in my life. She went quickly and quietly and as much as I wished we could have done it at home, where she wasn’t confused or afraid, it had to be done. She will always be our first baby.

Call me a bit morbid, but we got her remains back and she sits at the entry to our now quiet home. I light a candle for her every evening if I’m home and give her urn a pat and a goodnight on my way to bed. At some point, we’ll take her down to the ocean but I’m not quite ready to let go just yet. I so wish she could have met our little girl, whose impending arrival has somewhat softened the blow of this huge loss. And though they will never meet, our daughter will always have black and white puppy toys around her, whether she likes it or not 😉

I’ve had some free time on my hands lately and have been scouring etsy for coming home outfits which made me remember that I have a sewing machine and basic sewing skills. Duh! ***Side note: why do all coming home outfits have freaking arrows on them? Please, for the love of god, no more arrows people.

Not sure if I’m ready to tackle an entire outfit, but it did send me into the depths of the internetz to find some easy baby sewing projects that will keep me busy on the weekends. And who knows, maybe I will be ready to try and sew her something to wear by the end of the summer!

So here’s what I’ve been working on. Most were made with scraps of fabric I had collected over the years. Gotta love almost free projects!

Taggie blanket that crinkles! The secret to a good crinkle you ask? Plastic cereal bags. Mind blown.