The Haunting

Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Anxiously
What is this feeling?
What is going to happen?
The Haunting
Go away - I try to say
But it won't
No one else will help me
No one else understands
The Haunting
The day is beautiful
The sun is shining
I start to feel a bit of relief
Almost joy
The dark cloud re-appears
The Haunting
I don't know how to make it go away
I think that it is my fault
Should I know how to?
Is there something wrong with me?
Does anyone else feel this way?
The Haunting
I dont like this
It makes me angry
Yet it is reinforced over and over
Whenever other bad things happen
Things that make me afraid
Things that make me sad
The Haunting
Will this ever end?
In the new system - that's when
But when will it come?
Will this feeling keep me from the new system?
The Haunting
Can I go on?
Can I be a good person?
Can I stop bad feelings and bad people?
Can I make this haunting go away?
It feels too strong
It feels much stronger than me
I don't understand it
There is no one else trying to help me to
Everyone just wants me to be quiet
Everyone seems to like me just the way I am
Except they don't want me to talk about this
They just want me to pretend it doesn't exist
But it does
The Haunting
I hate you - I hate you so much!
I want you to go away!
I want to be done with you!
You deliberately come around when I am weak
When I am not strong enough to fight you much
You push and prod me
Harass me and joke
You laugh when I fight
You scream and scare me when I try to run
You tell me insidiously -
'You will never escape me - you are too weak'
The Haunting
Yet I know that somehow, someway
You must have a weak point
A way to make you let go of me
A way to escape
I think that I am getting closer
How do I know ?
Because you are getting scared
I can feel it
You are getting angrier
I can feel it
I can see it
Now the tables are turning
Now you are losing your grip
I am getting stronger
You don't know what to do about it
The Haunting
You still may frighten me
Though I don't totally understand it
But I think that I am getting there
Slowly and with a great deal of effort
I don't think you're as powerful as you seem
I don't think that you ever were
I think you are a fake
I think that you are bad
I think you need to go away now
Because I don't think that you can handle me
I am not as pliable as I used to be
I am not as weak
You plan didn't work
Your foolproof plan had a flaw
The flaw that you tried so hard to keep me
from seeing
Myself
Jehovah
The two of us are stronger than you
Stronger than you ever were or could be
You tried to keep me so focused
On your power
On your fear
On your haunting
You did control me
For quite awhile
For too long in fact
You still have an effect over -
Some parts of my personality
But I am slowly but surely
Working my way throughout ever part of me
To worm every inch of your influence out
To remove the haunting
You see - I have learned
You can't stay where you are not welcomed
You can't continue you quest where -
The doors close in your face
You can't control someone whom with help -
Is stronger than you
You hate that
You scream and bellow
You hate me even more now
But what is the change?
You always did
You just can't get your kicks anymore
By using me
By haunting me
If you could have destroyed me long ago
Knowing that later I would become stronger
And oppose you
You would have destroyed me then
You thought that you had me
You thought you had taught me well
You thought I was so weak
You thought you knew me so well
Knew that I would never oppose you
Never stand up to the lies and deceit
Never see clearly the situation
Never see you for what you are
A Haunting
A weak
Ineffectual
Wimp
Sorry-excuse for a human
Wicked
Father
The Haunting
You can have your fear back
You can live with it and your lies
You can also have your hate, shame & badness
They are yours to keep
I will keep sending it back to you
As long as I still keep finding it
Inside myself
Where you left it
Where you wanted to leave it
But now I am cleaning it out
I am recognizing it doesn't belong there
It belongs with you
It originates with you
You have to deal with it
Instead of leaving it where it doesn't belong
The Haunting
The Haunting -
As you can see it is gone
Because I am more powerful now
It can't haunt me any longer
I can only haunt you.