Weekend Update - News Jokes

It was announced this week that Baron Trump will attend St. Andrew’s Episcopal School in Washington DC this fall, although I wouldn’t say goodbye to your old friends just yet buddy <Photo of Trump, Comey and Putin>Inspectors recently discovered a register church in Nashville was actually operating as a sex club. They became suspicious when they saw the posted times for services <Photo of church sign reading “Worship, Friday and Saturday Nights at 11pm>Newly crowned Miss America Kara McCullough said Sunday that healthcare is a privilege and not a right, and folks became furious. I mean, and rightfully so, how dare that woman have an opinion.President Trump told Coast Guard graduates no politician has ever been treated worse than him. I beg to differ said <Photo of Abraham Lincoln> Lincoln.Governor Chris Christie vetoed a measure that would ban anyone under 18 from getting married in New Jersey stating exceptions could be made for 16 or 17 year olds, which taken out of context sounds really bad, but when taken in context, still sounds really bad.A Florida man called 9-1-1 this week and asked to be deported. When asked what country he was from, he stated, “let’s say Fiji” <Photo of a man on the beach>