PiscesFeb 19 - Mar 20
The stars predict that the sasquatch will eat you and your family
for not helping the nice Nigerian man with his money.

AriesMar 21 - Apr 19
While mooning the stoplight enforcement cameras might have seemed like a pretty
good joke last Friday, the LAPD has now subpoenaed your ass. Time to mail it
in.

TaurusApr 20 - May 20
Your significant other appreciates the dozen roses you sent, but
Valentine’s Day was last week. Back to the dog house for
you.

GeminiMay 21 - June 21
Your overclocking skills will stay unappreciated this week as no one cares how
many pages per minute your laser printer will shoot out.

CancerJune 22 - July 22
Hacking in to the school's computer network to change your grades
wasn't a very good idea. To top it off the judge won't accept work
on the Linux kernel as community service.

LeoJuly 23 - Aug 22
You can count on your friends while you’re away. Unfortunately, you can
count on them to screw things up.

VirgoAug 23 - Sep 22
The stars predict that soon you will abandon your website to travel to foreign
countries for a month, and if you planned it right most people will never know.

LibraSep 23 - Oct 23
Four out of five stars agree that horoscopes should be believed. The other
one just went supernova.

ScorpioOct 24 - Nov 21
Picking an assistant for the webcam was a good idea, but did it
have to be a bald wookiee?

SagittariusNov 22 - Dec 21
Everybody will be very impressed with your technical skills in the
coming weeks. Except your boss who will fire you for loading Linux
on every office machine without authorization.

CapricornDec 22 - Jan 19
Everyone at the office is still talking about half time at the Super
Bowl when you revealed that you liked Return of the Jedi better than
The Empire Strikes
back.

AquariusJan 20 - Feb 18
You could spend hours talking about the advantages of Java over .NET, unfortunately
your fellow security guards aren’t as familiar with the topic as you seem
to be.