There is No Red Phone [A Skit]

God: Yes, this is God. Who is this?
Person: This is Bob….[stunned God doesn’t just know who you are]

God: Bob Dylan? Bob Marley? Oh, wait, Bob Barker? I always loved that show.
Person: No, it’s actually Robert Miller. You remember me – the guy who prayed for the snow day back in Ohio – so I could have more time to study more for my test. That was in 1991 and you even answered it?

God: Oh yes, that Bob, now I remember…Yeah, I actually had nothing to do with that but I’m glad it all worked out.
Person: Huh? So anyways, Hey, I’m calling because I’m hoping you can help me out a little.

God: Yes, I figured as much.
Person: So you know I’m preaching this Sunday and I was wondering if you could tell me what to preach about.

God: Oh, sure, no problem. Preach about listening. Preach about how living a life that practices listening and looking for me wherever you, and in whoever you are with, is the most important thing you can do. And preach about how listening to me is really an act of faith, it requires taking risks and thinking and deciding for yourself and that there is really no magic red phone that you can use to get the answers you want. How’s that?

Person: Great. Wait, there’s no what?
God: There’s no red phone. The one you’re using doesn’t actually work. You’re just hearing me speak to you because you’re determined to listen, not because you have some special inroad to hearing my voice.

Person [sets down the phone]: You still there?
God: Yes, sir.
Person: Okay, well, thank you. Let’s do this again sometime. [Excited with a new idea] Maybe we could we try a video chat on facebook next time?
God: Nah, probably not. Goodbye. Tell you church I said hi.

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Wess

...is the William R. Rogers Director of Friends Center and Quaker Studies at Guilford College in Greensboro, NC., PhD in Intercultural Studies from Fuller Theological Seminary, served as a "released minister" at Camas Friends Church, and father of three. He enjoys sketchnoting, sharing conversation over coffee with a friend, listening to vinyl and writing creative nonfiction.
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