~ Because I have so many words…

Shall we? Oh, I think so…

Let’s Celebrate the Death of the Mainstream Media!

Picking on the mainstream media is easier than offending radical feminists, and almost as much fun, but just because it’s barely a challenge doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do it. We should. We must.

All decent, patriotic Americans yearn for the day when the effects of emerging technologies combine with the mainstream media’s insufferable progressive cheerleading to finally destroy it. Its death throes are underway, but it won’t buy the farm overnight. The body of the mainstream media is still shambling along, wreaking havoc, long after it its brain has died. So we need to put down the mainstream media like we would any other mindless zombie.

If we made a show about it, we could call it The Lying, Lame, Liberal-Licking Dead.

Maybe it’s cruel to look at all these doomed liberals who worked their way up to the middle ranks of the media and laugh. Maybe it’s petty to smile when yet another newsroom announces yet another round of lay-offs. Maybe it’s just plain mean to point out that Newsweek sold for what I earned in under twenty minutes charbroiling Famous Star cheeseburgers at the Carl’s, Jr., in Foster City, California, back in 1981. Maybe I can help out these soon-to-be unemployed reporters with some hints about how to make fries.

Or not. I think I’d rather just suggest these losers kiss the kind of buns that don’t have sesame seeds.

Yes, we conservatives detest the mainstream media, and why not? At best, when it’s not actively libeling us, it merely condescends to us, treating normal Americans not as the people who built and defended the very country these parasites feed off of, but as some sort of weird mutation infesting the tiny portion of the country that isn’t New York City, Washington, Los Angeles or San Francisco.

It’s always a delight to watch some mainstream media reporter going out to get the pulse of America by having bacon and eggs with some regular folks in a diner in East Cowpie, Nebraska. These cultural anthropologists never seem to find the normal people that we see every day. No, they find the guy who thinks the Trilateral Commission caused his baldness, the 400-pound woman who wants the government to keep its mitts off her food stamps, and the dude in a John Deere cap who believes Obama is a secret Muslim.

Which is stupid, because Obama is a socialist atheist who only pretends to be religious to trick gullible Democrat voters. At least we hope so, since the alternative is that Obama actually believes that crap Jeremiah Wright was spewing.

So, do we really need to rehash the litany of the mainstream media’s recent follies, foibles and fiascos? Oh, hell yes.

We have NBC News paying talentless Parental Lotto champ Chelsea Clinton $600,000 a year to interview ferns. She does deserve some credit, though – she yet to lie about her courage under fire like her fellow NBC newstool Brian Williams. And, for that matter, like her mother.

We have ABC News hiring the Clintons’ tiny human dustpan George Stephanopoulos not as a commentator but as a “newsman,” and thereby lying twice in one word. Then ABC decided he should host the GOP debates, which he did carrying a cheat sheet full of Democrat talking points about such burning issues as the phantom campaign to ban birth control. And then ABC decided that the perfect guy to interview the painstakingly thorough gentleman whose book chronicles Hillary’s vast corruption was the same guy who is not only Hillary n’ Bill’s lil’ minion but who handed over $75K to their slush fund.

And when caught, the MSM doesn’t even bother to try to tell convincing lies anymore: “Oh, yeah, it sorta happened that I gave her money but I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it and I guess I … oh well, whatev. Uh, glass ceiling.”

Subjects of MSM utter disinterest include foreign potentates handing millions of dollars to the Secretary of State.

Subjects of MSM curiosity include what Scott Walker thinks of Adam and Eve.

Chatty Candy Crowley? Human Latino-meter Mark Halperin? What about that lying wench from Rolling Stone? How are we to ever again believe a positive review of a Mumford & Sons album?

No, members of the mainstream media are presumptively hacks, and the pain and misery they endure as their organizations convulse and die should inspire laughter and joy. Sure, there are honest reporters out there, but that’s only a fluke of statistics. There have to be some, if only because of the random vagaries of chance. They can get real jobs with the new media. But in general, MSM members’ pain is our gain.

Remember, they hate us. Hate us. They don’t merely not care about us. They don’t simply misunderstand us. They hate what we think. They hate how we live. They hate what we believe. They hate us.

And it shouldn’t come as a shock if we hate them right back. We normals have already started an unofficial, uncoordinated boycott of the mainstream media. I quit the L.A. Times a decade ago because I figured I’d rather read Pravda in the original Russian – and I don’t speak Russian. I must not have been the only one – when they called me to get me to re-up and I politely pointed out I’d rather twerk on broken glass than buy their commie rag, the guy on the other end read me a pre-written blurb on how the L.A. Times embraces a wide variety of political views. Sure it does – from wussy liberal all the way to full pinko.

The last time I saw an L.A. Times it was about the size of the takeout menu from an unambitious Chinese place. And less interesting.

So can the mainstream media ever re-earn our trust and, more importantly, our business? Nope. To mix a bunch of metaphors in a way today’s social justice-focused J-schools would inexcusably tolerate, the drones who make the MSM hum are simply too dedicated to their proggie agenda to avoid going down with the Lusitania that is the dinosaur media.

But you know what might get our attention? If some intrepid MSM reporter breaks through the phalanx, shoves a camera and mic into Hillary’s sour face, and asks Her Highness, “So, do you think the Democrat Party should have a nominee who enabled and covered for her sexual predator husband?”

Now that would be interesting – and precisely because it would be interesting, it will never, ever happen. Which is why the mainstream media is going to die. And which is why we conservatives will recycle our celebratory champagne on its grave.