The general election is underway and I'm as giddy as a schoolgirl who will soon be denied birth control.

So far, the big players in 2012 are the Super PACs, like Colbert Super PAC. You know our motto: "Making a better tomorrow, tomorrow."

...And folks, I'm not the only one throwing around my unlimited corporate cash....Secret billionaires are just trying to get "involved" in the political process, the same way the Secret Service just wanted to get "involved" with those prostitutes. So, to protect themselves from accountability, big donors need anonymity. Like Casino billionaire Sheldon Adelson, who almost single-handedly funded Newt Gingrich's Super PAC "Winning Our Future" - which has recently been renamed "Dodging Our Creditors." Well now, Adelson is going underground, where it's possible he also originated. He says that from now on if he injects big bucks into this election, it will be to a c4. Now folks, he's talking about super secret 501(c)4's. Or as they're now called "Spooky PACs," which can accept unlimited money without ever disclosing their donors because they're technically "social welfare organizations."

Their negative attack ads count as "charity" in the same way that yelling "Get a job you dirty bum" is a donation to the homeless. Of course, I have a Spooky PAC - Colbert Super PAC Shh. You know our motto: Making a Better Tomorrow at a Later Date That's None of Your G*d**n Business." And for you transparency fetishists I am happy to now make my fully legally required disclosure: I have written the names of Colbert Super PAC Shh Donors on my taint in butterscotch topping. I invite the FEC to audit it with their tongues.