trying to decide if i should go on

i think i have exhausted myself thinking about this. i am 20 years old, living halfway across the world from my parents, and the love of my life is leaving me. in the process of leaving me. i keep trying to do the right things, but its not working. i am not perfect, and i do the best i can. i live alone. so that makes things worse. friends only go so far, and i've tried.
she left me once before, i was getting over it after almost a suicide attempt, and then she came back, wanted to give it another go. i say yes. and she is leaving me again. she is a smart woman, so i guess the problem is in me. or thats the way i feel anyway. less of a man than when i started. i spent the greatest days of my life with her, although it wasnt long. i dont want to be an old fart remenescing about the good old days by myself. i know if i try to kill myself, my parents will fall apart. and she will feel guilty, and my friends will mourn me. but what about me? do i keep living in misery and waiting so that everyone else will be happy?. i dont know. who knows. maybe its not worth it. maybe i should just give up and take those pills. i just dont know what to do to make it better. and if could go back 2 years and change things. i would. i would have gone to another country, to another college, doing something else. i am religious, so i believe that i am meant to be here, but why like this? why.

Id say that, it may hurt, but prob wont work out between you 2, and you have to not blame yourself... we arent all the best person for one another. That doesnt mean that you arent the best person for someone else though. Give it time, you'll find someone else equally if not more loving. Also, your 20... I mean, im 23, but I dont see any rush to get married or find someone to spend the rest of my life with right away. I know that person will come along naturally. I think society has just created so much pressure to get married at such a young age that people feel out of place if they arent. Love isnt something you need to rush. Id just make a goal to just try to better your situation. Think about the things you like to do and do them more. Spend time with your friends, have fun. Your only young for so long b4 your in the working world the rest of your life.