Parent to Parent with Maureen Pearson

AS THE festive season draws closer, Parentline Plus is offering separated mums and dads support to cope with issues such as facing Christmas without their children or disagreements over contact issues.

AS THE festive season draws closer, Parentline Plus is offering separated mums and dads support to cope with issues such as facing Christmas without their children or disagreements over contact issues.

Christmas can be stressful enough without the added pressures of dealing with such situations and Parentline Plus wants to get the message across that with a bit of planning and communication Christmas can be a good time.

The break-up of a family can be traumatic for both parents and children.

Christmas can be a specially poignant time for children who are reminded that their family life has changed.

Research shows that where it is safe, continued contact between the child and the family members who are no longer living with them is important to their wellbeing.

It is important parents can be supported to find a way of communicating and working together for the sake of the children.

With this in mind, Parentline Plus recommends mums and dads negotiate the time spent with their children over Christmas and that the youngsters are involved when those plans are made.

:: Put the children first. Christmas is a time for them to have fun. Don’t make them feel torn between their family.

:: Children will feel happier if they know what is going to happen in advance.

:: Take a fair approach with your ex and their family. Children need continuing contact with grandparents, aunts and uncles from both sides of the family.

:: If you aren’t spending Christmas day with your children, suggest having your own special day on a different date whereby you get to do all the things you would normally do on the day.

:: If you can, talk to your ex about what you are buying so you don’t end up with a disappointed child and two frustrated parents who have bought duplicate presents. You may even want to agree on a budget.

:: Make the time special and try to make the most of the situation. An ex having time with the children is important and can also give you time off to see friends and recharge your batteries.

:: If you are a resident parent, make sure your ex knows about and has the opportunity to go to your child’s nativity play or other events at school.

:: If you are used to your ex doing all the shopping and feel overwhelmed, talk to them and ask if they will share the children’s wish list. A grandparent may also be able to help.

Parentline also produces a range of leaflets for families experiencing divorce and separation. These can be requested from Parentline or downloaded from the website.