Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A Gay Egg

According to the gay lobby, 10 per cent of all living creatures are homosexually inclined, as are their offspring (assuming they’re not too homosexually inclined to produce offspring in the first place, of course). Which means that, despite the fact that I bought them from a reputable supermarket, at least 1.2 of my dozen “farm fresh” size 1 eggs are FUCKING GAY. Indeed, in any average egg carton, there’s likely to be at least one deviant.

In my opinion, supermarket staff should seek out homosexual eggs and isolate them before they’re passed on to the public, lest people catch homosexuality. Either that, or else they should clearly label them as being bent. I imagine, with a little practice, an averagely intelligent shop assistant could become quickly adept at spotting a pink-oboe-playing Free Range. He or she would just apply a little top spin and study the way the egg turned: To the right, normal, to the left, decidedly dodgy. Then it would be a simple matter of adding a tiny plastic muir cap and a stick-on handlebar moustache to the outed egg for easier identification.

As a result people could, if they wished, make homosexual omelettes. And the true sexuality of quiche-eaters would at last be confirmed.

3 comments:

Firstly,Joe I am sure any egg you select will be straight.Secondly,what of bi-sexual eggs?I suggest you purchase West Indians eggs that will already have "dealt with" dem batty bway eggs.Of course you won't you are a fucking racist!

Biographical Information

My efforts to make a successful living as a slum landlord in the Peter Rachman mould are currently being thwarted by the fact that none of my properties are yet slums. I live in hope, however. In the meantime, I am trading in endangered species to make ends meet. Powdered black rhino horn is one of my company's more popular lines. Powdered black rhino comes a close second. Available in both 500 gram and 1 kilo sachets, it can easily be reconstituted with boiling water to create a delicious rhinoceros snack which is said by many to be almost as tasty as the fresh article.