Through the Looking Glass

Heidi was cold and beautiful, Nina was cold and critical, Michael Kors was tan, J Lo was injured (?), Tim Gunn was embarrassed pink and sweet, Kenley was insufferable, Korto was devastated, and Leanne won. That's what really happened. Was it fun? Oh, it was okay. Pretty much expected. No offense, but this finale show was so strapped for content and drama, they used footage of a model's doggy making poopy in the workroom. A commentary on Season 5, to be sure. That's what really happened.

More From ELLE

This is what I WANT to have happened:

The three finalists, Kenley, Korto, and Leanne arrive at Fashion Week and as they unveil their collections in front of each other, Korto and Leanne laugh uncontrollably at Kenley's collection. They talk about how amateurish it is behind her back, they trash the colors, the ridiculous hand painting of the fabric, the absolutely silly '80s Dynasty silhouettes that any drag queen would kill for, and her innovative tug boat rope trim details. Tim Gunn comes into the work room to critique all 3 of the designers' collections, starting with Kenley. Kenley bitches, fights and disagrees with Tim, especially when Tim warns that the judges already think she is a cheating copycat, and she ought to cut it out. "I do not copy!" cries Kenley. "Stop saying that, you unqualified idiot Tim Gunn, who doesn't know what he's talking about and has no experience in the fashion industry whatsoever, stop saying that!" Kenley goes on to inexplicably finally listen to Mr.Gunn, and give in to his advice one tiny hundredth of a centimeter. She believes this gesture will win her the grand prize hands down, and that Korto and Leanne can suck it. She is KENLEY. She will roll her eyes and paint '80s fabric she couldn't find in any store, and cry over being misunderstood, and fight back no matter what the judges who know nothing say, and put Heidi in her place because she doesn't have anything to do with choosing who wins, all the way to the big finale when she takes the prize away from those other two slackers who didn't have a chance.

That's my fantasy. That's what I wish would have happened.

But wait, that scenario sounds disturbingly familiar. Because, in fact, it's practically what happened minute by minute. Except for one little detail. She lost. Could you believe the look on Kenley's face when she lost? To those two other horrible collections? They were awful, unwearable, non-cohesive, poorly made offerings that were mere rags compared to the magnificence of Kenley's "I didn't steal a thing, TIM" collection. They had the nerve to pretend Leanne won, and that Korto came in second. This can't be happening, and Kenley is probably still waiting at home for the phone call that there has been a huge mistake, and that she can pick up her $100,000 check at her convenience.

So, it's over. Leanne won, Korto lost. And Kenley is nuts. That's the basic rundown of the last episode of Project Runway Season 5.

Let's just all agree to say goodbye with no tears. Farewell. Thanks for the memories.