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> Are there any problems which are not computable by a Turing machine but> are computable by another machine? (Thus disproving Church's thesis?)> -Your most grovelling and humble,human no-mind servant.

} Yes:}} "Define the state of the light inside a refrigerator as} x and the state of the door as y. Define the possible} values of x and y as 0 (off or closed) and 1 (on or open).} Calculate the value of x given that y=0."}} A refrigerator can solve this problem. A Turing machine can't.}} You owe the Oracle a new refrigerator since this Turing machine} I got for Christmas is becoming obsolete quickly.

> Oh most great and wise oracle (genuflect, bow, scrape knees on> asphalt)please impart on me your bright beacon of hope and> wisdom and tell me the answer to this:>> If the grim reaper, the spectre of death, were to wear brighter> colors and say more cheerful things, such as "hey, you picked a> really nifty day to die, tell you what, I'll take you on the> scenic route to yourfeild of eternal frolic!" or "Man, that> sure is one whale of a knock you took in that there fender> bender. I'd give a 9.5, and that gives you a dozen extra tickets> for the millenia drawing for a ride in God's golf cart."> If the keeper to the keys of life were to do these sorts of things,> would people be less afraid of death?

} Boy, what a great question! You picked a hum-dinger of a question to} ask, and by coincidence it's also the 666th question asked today.} Congratulations, friend! You're on your way to the greatest afterlife} ever!}} You owe the Oracle your soul.

} The meaning of life, is it? You want to know the meaning of life?} When children are starving, when old folks are dying, when the moon} waxes and wanes, when the Usenet Oracle bothers to attend to} questions, you want to know the meaning of life? Hold on a minute.}} (Ghod, I get so bored with this question!)}} Today I think I'll ask someone else for an answer. <Oracle yells to} Clown College.> HEY BOZO! BOZO THE CLOWN!! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF} LIFE?}} Sorry, I forgot, today is Bozo's nose's day off. Without his nose,} he's just not himself. Oh, goodness, I just noticed that you really} wanted the meaning of "meaning of life." That'll take a saint.} ^^^^^^^^^^} Well, let's try one of the Saints. <Oracle dials telephone to Mt.} Auburn Cemetery.> MRS. EDDY! WHAT'S THE MEANING OF LIFE?}} Mrs. Eddy, did you say "God?" That's it, life is just "God"??? Ok,} now what's the meaning of God?}} Hold on, that's a mouthful. Let me write this down for my supplicant.} "The incorporeal divine Principle ruling over all as eternal Spirit:} infinite Mind." Well, there you have it, the meaning of meaning of} life, straight from Mrs. Eddy. I'm not sure it'll help you, but at} least it can't make you sick.

} This is one of those mysterious facts that is obvious to all but the} most idiotic. You are supposed to buy four packages of hot dogs, and} five packages of the buns.}} You owe the Oracle two hot dogs.

> O Great Oracle, please help me with my difficulty.>> I am a personnel manager for a large company. With the recent> requirements for political correctness I am concerned about my title,> and the fact that I use a personal computer. The problem is obvious:> "personnel" has "son" in it as does personal, and "manager" has "man".> I have therefore sent out a memo which I reproduce below:>> From: J. Bloggs, Perpeoplel perpeopleager> To: All staff> Re: Perpeoplal computers>> Henceforth all "personal computers" will be known as "perpeoplal> computers" in recognition of the potential political incorrectness of> the former name.>> J. Bloggs, chairperpeople, PC committee>> Anyway, to my question:> My analyst has started asking for danger money. Should I pay?

} It's even worse than you thought.}} The English "people" comes from the Latin "populus." While "populus"} refers to people in general, it is gramatically of masculine gender.} However, it may be replaced by a gender-neutral term for a} gender-neutral concept, such as the Tlingit word "makchutep," meaning} people in general. Unfortunately, makchutep contains the syllable} "chu," which is strongly reminiscent of the Lahu word "chur," meaning} one's best friend's uncles. It must therefore be replaced by the Lower} Middle Late Pidgin Yiddish "Svolbtz," a slang term for collateral} relatives of any gender. This may be done freetly, since LMLPY is} completely free of gender references (coincidentally, this language was} only spoken by a group of seven shopkeepers and their families in a} small village near Gdansk, where it soon passed out of use, since it} proved impossible to gossip effectively in LMLPY). To sum up, you may} safely refer to yourself as a} "Permaksvolbtztepl Permaksvolbtztepger" without fear of offending} anyone. Other words may be changed accordingly.}} Your analyst is a heavily disguised alien from Venus. It is attempting} to charge you more in order to finance the construction of a} mind-control network base on microwave oven technology. Kill it. Kill} it now.}} You owe the Oracle a gender-neutral translation of the Kama Sutra.

> Once upon a midnight dreary, while my eyes were blank and bleary,> From incessant peering, leering, staring at my terminal,--> While I jittered from my caffiene, suddenly there came a laughing,> As of some crazed loony, halfing victims like an animal.> "'Tis myself," I muttered, "I'm becoming like an animal.> Brain is oozing out my skull.">> I had to look for some enjoyment for a break from my employment,> Or another programmer would turn into a criminal.> As I typed my program kludgy on my monitor so smudgy,> Suddenly, I saw a budgie perched upon my terminal.> Strange, for me to see a budgie perched upon my terminal!> Quoth the budgie, "Oracle.">> I said, "I am much too weary to compose a proper query,> And I know much better than to go submit the question null.> I would like to give an answer like a ballet needs a dancer,> But, you fiend, you know I can't, sir, when the queue is never full.> When I try an askme then that question queue is never full."> Quoth the budgie, "Oracle.">> I replied, "You cowardly craven, stop at once your misbehavin',> Do you think you are a raven perching on my terminal?> I would rater cross savannah, eat an over-ripe banana,> Than to contact Indiana with a question terrible.> Yes, the Oracle will never take my question terrible."> Quoth the budgie, "Oracle.">> Oracle, we know you know it. I hate budgies. Do I show it?> Humbly, Edgar Allen Poet. Please reply soon, Oracle.> P.S. I am getting pudgy eating roasted basted budgie.> Though it tastes a little sludgy, I find it is quite edible.> Would you like to try some budgie roast? It is quite edible.> Quoth the poet, "I am full."

} Supplicant, you are so evil - even borderline medieval,} When claiming to be so ill, you dare tempt The Oracle.} I want none of that roast "lovebird" - the mere thought is simply} absurd,} That I would blindly take your word that that bird is not a gull.} I like parrots, in fact love them - but I bet you pawned on me a gull.} Quoth this poet, "That is bull."}} I won't eat a bird so common - I would rather eat two strawmen.} Ask again, and I'll call lawmen before you can count to four.} I've uncovered your nasty plot. Your wicked plans are all for naught.} Let your "parrot" rot. ZOT ZOT ZOT!!! Now straighten up as before.} You owe me a real lovebird, not a gull as done before.} Poet, try that nevermore.

} Apparently the Oracle's previous advice has been taken to heart.} Although duct tape has cured your drooling problem, I fear} you may have been to generous in application. Remove some of} it from your face and hands so you can breathe, think, and type} normally.}} You owe the Oracle undying gratitude and continued silence.