I'm an adorable dog who is stuck living with a 32-year old single woman who has made it her life's goal to humiliate me. Unfortunately, she's quite good at it.

Friday, March 20, 2009

I Do Not Need a Seat Belt

Oh, dear Lord, what fresh hell is this?

A dog seat belt? Seriously? I just don't have words. OK, maybe I do have a few words.

First, I can see that this could be a good idea, given Sarah's less-than-stellar driving record. But did you see how stupid I look in this? If I ever find out who invented the doggie seat belt, he's definitely going to be the subject of "People Who Should Have Their Balls Cut Off." Frankly, I'll take my chances with Sarah's driving if I can do it while looking cute. Instead, I have to wear this seat belt while in the car, and I look like an asshole.

Second . . . there is no second. A doggie seat belt is just a stupid fucking idea. I'm sure Sarah, dense though she can be, got the point when I wiggled out of the thing. Twice. At least if I die because I am not in the thing, I'll leave a cute corpse, and Sarah might actually appreciate me for all the joy I give her.

Oh, and P.S. - Before someone gets his or her panties all up the asshole, because I'm in the front seat and could get hurt/killed by an air bag, let me remind you that Sarah, asshole that she is, drives a piece of shit car. The thing is most definitely NOT equipped with something so fancy as passenger air bags.