Every day you see men struggle to overcome past abuse and let it get better. Some days people make small steps, some big ones. Likewise we have seen brothers crash under the burden.

It's hard to understand why some people are able to manage through the trauma and others can not. I tend to look around my world and see other examples and look for some inspiration why it has to get better.

Some of you know that my oldest son has a close friend he has supported for years recovering from his own childhood trauma. Danny and Evan were elementary school classmates and little league team mates the year Evan's dad died at the World Trade Center on 9-11. His remains were never located. The boys were 9 years old that fall.

Evan asked that Danny and other friends come to his father's memorial service. Danny did not want to go. He asked me what to do and I just told him that if he is your friend, be there for him. We all ended up going and I can remember Evan walking in through that packed Chapel and running right into Danny. The look between them said it all.

Evan has always been part of what my middle kid calls "Danny's Crew". Unlike a lot of us my oldest kid is a real pack dog and feels most comfortable in a crowd. That crew has always circled around Evan not in pity, but because he simply is their friend. Like some of us here, Evan is very stoic about his trauma. He and his friends never talk about 9-11, his family has always avoided the public 9-11 events. His most noticeable trait is his constant big toothy grin.

In his mid teens Evan aggressively isolated from his crew. He refused any social contact. I can recall Danny and part of their group sitting at our kitchen table asking for advice what to do. Best I could offer was to be supportive, continue to include Evan in the invites, but respect his wishes. As randomly as he isolated Evan re-engaged with his clique during senior year of High School, his smile still in place. I truly don't know what recovery steps Evan took to get back on track but when I saw him over Xmas break I found he's having a great Freshman year at Loyola and seems happy with life.

Every day I live and deal with my own crap like everyone here does. But I know it can get better when I watch a young man like Evan prevail.

Guys I refuse to believe it does not get better. Look around you and you will find your own Evan who can show you that in fact it does.

Be well.

Keith

Edited by kb8715 (02/15/1104:34 PM)

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"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Thank you so much for posting this. I've come back a few times now to re-read your post and draw strength from it.

Eric

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WoR AlumniHope Springs 2011

I've learned that the shame we carry is our overwhelming burden. Amazingly, it does not weigh down others if we open up and share with them. Realizing that the shame is not ours to own makes all the difference in the world.

When I first joined up at MS I became fixated on how new men kept coming behind me. At times it can be overwhelming to realize how many people are effected by abuse. Along the way you also start to see that people heal and regain their footing.

Guys like Brandon, Eric, Mike, and Kevin are going through those first hard steps of clearing out the poison right now. As much as it hurts it also heals you somehow.

Others like Gabriel and Nick are slugging it out this week refusing to let childhood abuse define in a negative way who they are as men.

This week about a thousand college students will dance all weekend raising money to fight childhood cancer: http://thon.org/

I know one of those dancers pretty well. Apparently he listened along the way when he was taught he has a responsibility to help others in need.

All of these men give me continued faith that it does get better.....

Keith

Edited by kb8715 (02/18/1110:20 AM)

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"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

I had to have my wife read this entire thread. Of course, as a survivor herself, she found it very powerful and inspiring. Awesome!

The "work" that you do here and in your home life for yourself and others is something to be commended. You're definitely reaping the rewards in how you feel and how your family feels with you around. Keep up the good work! We're all benefiting from it.

Each week you can watch really good new guys like Static, Anthony, Hopfulone, R.M., and Mike climb through the early roughest part of recovery and simply stare down the monsters that lived in us all. Guys, it is hard, it hurts, and I swear it does get better.

It gets better because every day there are a group of really good men here to try and talk us all off the ledges we all stood on at some point in recovery.

It gets better because if you watch and listen you see young men like Whiskers and Redsox046 refuse here and now to let their lives be defined by CSA.

This week men I never heard of before like Sunshine and Logan showed it gets better because they spoke up and said they were not about to settle for anything less than being at peace and being happy.

It gets better because if you listen you realize this is a community full of very good sons, brothers, uncles, fathers, grandfathers, friends, and spouses who have been willing to live with pain and still have positive impact on everyone they touch in life.

It gets better when you realize what a collectively gifted & caring group of people we are here at MS despite our wounds and scars.

It gets better when we each remember we were good kids. It gets better when you look in the mirror and realize we are very good men.

Edited by kb8715 (02/24/1101:35 PM)

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"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Thank you composing this thread. You are an Inspiration to me and dare I say many or most of us here!

If I could give you a safe Hug, I would.

Thank you for sharing your strength and hope with us. It is Contagious. I love the idea of getting out spreading the wealth of healing and envisioning all of those that have collectively contributed and continue to do so. Those that show us everyday immense courage by continuing to fight and standup and speak up about the horrors that we all know too well, even in the face of personal strife and great pain.

Your are right! All we have to do is look around us, right here at MS and see the commitment that so many share to get better and to heal from the atrocities committed against us and such displays of bravery from refusals to give up!!!

Thank You for pointing out this amazing feat by these very courageous men to be will to face and talk about some very difficult and painful topics.

I myself have never thought of myself as courageous. Just the opposite in fact.You pointing this out in others allows me to see it as well in them and in myself and gives me a tremendous boost of confidence by acknowledging such truths.

Your moral prose about your son and his friend give me great hope for the future and instills such pride!

I am honored to know such a good man as yourself, Keith and Proud to be in your company.

Sincerely,Logan

Edited by Logan (02/24/1103:05 PM)

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"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"-Blade Runner

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