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Topic : 06/26 Teens Having Babies

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Created on : Friday, January 25, 2008, 01:22:11 pm

Author : DrPhilBoard1

(Original Air Date: 02/01/08) Parent alert: If you have a teenaged son or daughter, you'll want to sit down with him or her and watch this show! Dr. Phil takes a hard look at what happens when young girls find themselves having a baby while they're still babies themselves. It doesn’t just happen to the bad girl down the street; your child can become pregnant while living under your roof. First up, Ansley is 14 and says she's ready to have a baby now. She's so desperate to be a mom that she lied and told people she is pregnant. Her dad and stepmother say she's gone so far as to show people fake sonograms! Are Ansley's elaborate lies just ploys to get attention, or is there something more going on? When Dr. Phil shows Ansley a glimpse of what it's really like to be a teen with a baby, will she change her opinion? Next, Pam was shocked to receive a phone call from the high school principal telling her that her 16-year-old, Kaylee, was four months pregnant. She says she had no idea her daughter was even having sex! Did she miss the signs? Now eight months along, see Kaylee's emotional story of how her pregnancy has impacted her entire family. And, 19-year-old Amber is mom to an 11-month-old and recently discovered she was pregnant again. Was she trying to trap the baby's father as his mother claims? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

As of January, 2009, this message board will become "Read Only" and will be closed to further posting. Please join the NEW Dr. Phil Community to continue your discussions, personalize your message board experience, start a blog and meet new friends.

young parents aren't always bad ones

young parents aren't always bad parents they just don't always make the most responsible decisions. so often I hear people calling these babies mistakes and that's just rude. I had my first child when I was only 16 and I do every thing possible to be a good parent my daughter is now 7 and I participate in her school and her life just as much as an older mother i go to the pta meetings and I think that I do just as well as older moms and I think that my daughter does just as well as children who come from planned pregnancies. And we are not on welfare either so I just want young moms to know that it doesn't always turn out as bad as people tell them it will.

02/01 Teens Having Babies

True Story-40 years ago my SIL became pregnant by her 1st cousin.(Consensual) My SIL still lived at home,was 19. My MIL still had 4 kids at home, including my SIL and 3 teenage boys, busy life. My SIL wasn't seeing anyone. She was also obese so the pregnancy wasn't obvious. She told no one. My MIL(or any other family member) suspected nothing.My SIL continued to go about her life as usual ,work etc.. Fast forward,the night of the birth. My SIL told her mother she was sick and needed to go to the hospital. My MIL asked her what was wrong? My SIL would say nothing except she was really sick and needed to go to the hospital. At the hospital my MIL asked the doctor what was wrong with my SIL and he told her she was going to have a baby. My MIL was totally flabbergasted. She could not believe it. She could not believe that her daughter could be pregnant for 9 months right under everyone's nose and they didn't realize it.

I came to know my MIL very well over the years and I believe that she or anyone else did not suspect a thing. You know, some really strange things can happen in families. I have a daughter and when she was a teenager,also the oldest, I really cannot believe that she could have gotten pregnant and I would not have known or suspected something. I was more into her business at that time than my MIL was into her daughter's business. Remember she also had 3 teenage boys at the time and they consumed a lot of her time. Meanwhile, while she worried over the boys and thier antics, her daughter was hatching her first grandchild. It still amazes me to think about that.

It is clear...

young parents aren't always bad parents they just don't always make the most responsible decisions. so often I hear people calling these babies mistakes and that's just rude. I had my first child when I was only 16 and I do every thing possible to be a good parent my daughter is now 7 and I participate in her school and her life just as much as an older mother i go to the pta meetings and I think that I do just as well as older moms and I think that my daughter does just as well as children who come from planned pregnancies. And we are not on welfare either so I just want young moms to know that it doesn't always turn out as bad as people tell them it will.

Well, I'm just writing to share my opinion with the others on here. No matter how old I am... I'm just gonna say away everything I have about this.

I think that young parents aren't really bad, but they can't make the right decision, and I guess it could be all the time, because when a girl or a guy gets to be a parent at the age of 16 (for example), they will be disappointing parents, because they are still teens.

I'm not a very religious person, I love my God and try to obey him in my own ways and actions. So I think that most of the teens have sex, do drugs, drink, or accept being in the wrong group because of not being well-taught. In my opinion, I think that parents should tell their teens or children - in general- about sex and about the adolescence. They should tell them that in this period or level of life many changes will happen in their body & mind. They should also tell them and encourge them to be strong, and sensible.

Everybody thinks of sex or "having sex" not only the teens. But because the adolescence is the most dangerous period in a man's life, teens should know how to resist and stand strong for such thoughts or actions! Their parents should tell them that (to stand strong and stuff....) when they feel that their son/daughter is grown enough to know or to think or to commit such things. What they should tell their son / daughter is to be strong, and to let them know that there's no stupidity on earth. Everyone can make their right decision when they have a strong will. Telling your teen he /she is smart, good-looking, with a strong will, can support them resist the bad inclination and get rid of them. In our western society, we rarely tell our teens or children when they are old enough to think about having sex or something, about God! You can change your teen in one sitting (or meeting) about God. You should also fear them! Because it's reality, that everyone is going to die some day and everyone is going to take what they deserve. Which is the Punishment of God. Life is sweet and we should enjoy every moment; I totally agree with that, but we shouldn't forget about our Lord, and we should set to everything red lines.

I just think that every parent should be careful with their teen, and discuss them with the topics they are willing to know about. Keep telling your teen about theit talents (everyone has a talent, no matter what it is. No one is without any talent), having a "completed" conscience, and how worth it is to have a good conscience!

02/01 Teens Having Babies

Well, I'm just writing to share my opinion with the others on here. No matter how old I am... I'm just gonna say away everything I have about this.

I think that young parents aren't really bad, but they can't make the right decision, and I guess it could be all the time, because when a girl or a guy gets to be a parent at the age of 16 (for example), they will be disappointing parents, because they are still teens.

I'm not a very religious person, I love my God and try to obey him in my own ways and actions. So I think that most of the teens have sex, do drugs, drink, or accept being in the wrong group because of not being well-taught. In my opinion, I think that parents should tell their teens or children - in general- about sex and about the adolescence. They should tell them that in this period or level of life many changes will happen in their body & mind. They should also tell them and encourge them to be strong, and sensible.

Everybody thinks of sex or "having sex" not only the teens. But because the adolescence is the most dangerous period in a man's life, teens should know how to resist and stand strong for such thoughts or actions! Their parents should tell them that (to stand strong and stuff....) when they feel that their son/daughter is grown enough to know or to think or to commit such things. What they should tell their son / daughter is to be strong, and to let them know that there's no stupidity on earth. Everyone can make their right decision when they have a strong will. Telling your teen he /she is smart, good-looking, with a strong will, can support them resist the bad inclination and get rid of them. In our western society, we rarely tell our teens or children when they are old enough to think about having sex or something, about God! You can change your teen in one sitting (or meeting) about God. You should also fear them! Because it's reality, that everyone is going to die some day and everyone is going to take what they deserve. Which is the Punishment of God. Life is sweet and we should enjoy every moment; I totally agree with that, but we shouldn't forget about our Lord, and we should set to everything red lines.

I just think that every parent should be careful with their teen, and discuss them with the topics they are willing to know about. Keep telling your teen about theit talents (everyone has a talent, no matter what it is. No one is without any talent), having a "completed" conscience, and how worth it is to have a good conscience!

Good luck everyone.

Thanks.

There are all different kinds of situations with teen pregnancies. One of the girls on the show seems to WANT to get pregnant on purpose. So many teens just end up pregnant by accident, due to lack of birth control. I think it kind of rushes life experiences to get pregnant as a teen. The teen years are a time to discover yourself and the world around you. There's plenty of time for babies at a later date.

I agree with you, parents should keep an open dialogue with thier teens. Sometimes, no matter how hard parents try, thier teens end up pregnant. Years ago, both of the teenager daughters of the minister where I was going to church, got pregnant and "had" to get married. Knowing the minister and his wife, I'm sure they had taught thier daughters differently, it just didn't work out that way.

I was very open with my kids when they were teens and very involved in thier lives. Against what my church believes, we talked to them about birth control along with abstinence. We all made it through those years pretty much unscathed. (No babies)

Yes, parents need to be very involved in thier teens lives. All we can do as parents is hang in there and do the VERY best we can. It's a difficult time in raising children.

Yes...

There are all different kinds of situations with teen pregnancies. One of the girls on the show seems to WANT to get pregnant on purpose. So many teens just end up pregnant by accident, due to lack of birth control. I think it kind of rushes life experiences to get pregnant as a teen. The teen years are a time to discover yourself and the world around you. There's plenty of time for babies at a later date.

I agree with you, parents should keep an open dialogue with thier teens. Sometimes, no matter how hard parents try, thier teens end up pregnant. Years ago, both of the teenager daughters of the minister where I was going to church, got pregnant and "had" to get married. Knowing the minister and his wife, I'm sure they had taught thier daughters differently, it just didn't work out that way.

I was very open with my kids when they were teens and very involved in thier lives. Against what my church believes, we talked to them about birth control along with abstinence. We all made it through those years pretty much unscathed. (No babies)

Yes, parents need to be very involved in thier teens lives. All we can do as parents is hang in there and do the VERY best we can. It's a difficult time in raising children.

Yes, I agree with you.

Yeah, it doesn't always work when you use religion to make your teen avoid the bad stuff, because the world is full of atheists, but it can be useful somehow. Well, I'm not saying that getting closer to God is the only way to protect your teen. There are so many other ways. To me, the most important is to tell your teen how important they are to you, and how important she / he is to the society they are in, how human has the power & the ability to do whatever they want, and of course, when they have a strong will.

Parents should be open with their teen, that's right, but they should also talk to them about future, not only about sex. When you talk to your teen about getting a successful future, I'm sure they will somewhat start to forget about sex and such stuff. Because everyone, especially teens, loves to be rich, beloved, famous, and respected by people.

Adolescence is a level of life when your child is supposed to build their adulthood, it may be built on strong stones, that can never break down, and it may be built on fake and weak stones, which can get detroyed very simple. So, you should try to raise your child or teen on being a bit serious and sensible, and that sex, drugs are vacious inclinations that the devil is trying to make him / her apply in their life. So, if your teen's life is set upon those vacious inclinations, weakness and obedience to them, it will be ruined as soon as this teen turns into an adult. So we should teach our teen how to stand strong, and how to push them far away. As I said before, there's nothing more sweet than having a good conscience!

When you tell your teen how sucessful they can be in the future, if they work hard and avoid the bad habits, they will keep thinking about this point; because teens are usually moody...

I think that a teen is like a small kid, so we all should treat them just like small kids.

I was a Teen Mom

I was 15 and a 9th grader in school. It was my first boyfriend. I did not plan it, it was an accident. My parents told me it was my choice whether I gave it up for adoption ,or got married to my 17 year old boyfriend. I decided on marriage, which only lasted 3 years.

I found out ,(they didnt have ultrasound in 1967), that I was having twins !!! I had identical twin girls. 6lbs 4oz each, both 21' long. Big babies for a 15 year old.

Yes, it was hard. Sometimes I worked 3 jobs just to keep food on the table. One job I worked for a caterer as a waitress. After the job they gave me the left over food that they would have thrown away. There is always a way to make it, if you are inventive. Then I went on to be a bookkeeper at a window company, then I decided to go into window and curtainwall sales. I went from 1.65 an hour to 60,000 a year with no diploma. One good thing about the sales field. Its the only job that ,if you are good in sales, they do not care about a diploma. And I became the best at every glass company I worked for.

They both Graduated with honors from Alfred University in New York. Jeaneen is a fine artist, and Doreen is a graphic designer. Both are very well know in KY. where they live.

Yes, it would have been nice to go to college myself, being the 'A' student that I was , but sometimes things just dont work out as planned. I know my parents were disappointed ,until they saw their grandchildren...

im a young mom

I am a 21 yr old mom to two. I have a son who is 4 and a daughter who is 2. I've had ppl look down on me and ppl who supported me. My son came at a right time, he saved me from maybe going down the wrong path. I was starting to make bad choices but as soon as i found out i was expecting my views on alot changed. Young teens who end up in my situation dont need critisism from others. Do people really think that helps? It doesn't. What we need is support not people reminding us what we did and throwing it in our face. Our children are not mistakes. Sure alot of us dont expect to have kids early but good can come. Alot of young parents spend most of their time defending themselves and then worrying about what others think rather than focusing on their child and whats best. Thankfully i had support and am able to raise my children comfortably. I hope you all take time out to read this poem.

Who are teen mothers?
We know who we are. We are individuals, each with our own story and our own dreams. We are women who had our babies in our teens. We know who we are...but do you? We hear people talk about us on the street, and in the store. We read about "teen mothers" in the paper. We wonder--"Who are they talking about?" This is what we hear and read: "Babies having babies." "I hope you're babysitting!" "Your life is over now." "How old was she when she had him?" "They just think their babies are dolls to dress up and show off!" "They will be welfare moms forever." They don't know us. Do you?

If you did, this is what you would learn...We are individuals, and our lives are not over. Many of us stay in our high schools, vocational schools, and colleges, and we intend to finish. We are confident that we can reach our goals.

We look upon parenting as a challenge, not an obstacle; we are committed to our children and don't take the job of parenting for granted. We seek information and help when we need it. Of course, we like to show our babies off (What parent doesn't?). We are rightfully proud of them, not ashamed, and we know they are not dolls. We love the individuals they are, and we are excited and pleased to see them grow and develop.

We are excellent role models for our children because we are working hard to attain our goals. And our children are not doomed or deprived because we are young. They are happy and smart, loved and cared for very much. You'd see that if you really took the time to observe before you judged us because of our age.

So--please don't talk about us as we pass. If you are so concerned, talk with us and listen.

If you are a parent, you'll find we share many of the same concerns, joys, and challenges. Be role models for us--save your negative comments and your unasked-for advice. Give us information and good access to birth control. But remember that a high percentage of all pregnancies are unplanned, and some of these will be teen pregnancies. All the posters in the world will not make us go away.

You can help us do our best by continuing to provide us with emotional and educational support--peer support groups and programs that help us stay in school make a difference in our lives. Support quality subsidized child care programs so that we can work and/or go to school. Support parent education and family recreation programs that are affordable, with child care onsite. Support temporary shelters for women with children ­as we struggle to become independent we sometimes need a safe place to stay for awhile.

And most of all, acknowledge and appreciate us for our commitment to the challenging job of parenting.

We know who we are. We are building good lives for ourselves and our children. We can struggle and do it alone, or you can lend us your confidence and assistance. You can continue to view us as statistics or as part of an epidemic social problem, or you can look beyond the stereotypes and know us for who we are...

We are young mothers, each of us with our own story and our own dreams.

My experience

I myself was a teen mom, i had my first son just 1 month after my 18 brithday. I already had graduated from highschool but i did have plans to go to college. Having my son at a young age did put me back for 2 years as i stayed home to take care of him but i did go back to school to start my college education. Me and his father were engaged and we found out we were expecting again with our second child i was 21. I had my second son 2 months after my 22nd birthday i was done college by that time. Unfortunatly my fiance left when i was 2 1/2 months pregnant with our second boy and is not present in their lives, my young one will be 4 years old in april and his father has never seen him and hasnt seen our older boy in 4 years. I have no regrets in having them young and having to raise them on my own, but its not everyone that is able to do so. Alot of young mom just don't realise what it involves to have kids at a young age. I babysat alot and i told myself well its ok to have a baby its not that hard but oh boy was i wrong because you know nobody will be knocking on your door to come and take them back home because YOU ARE the parent now. Alot of teen moms just don;t have the will to make sure that their children have a bright future and that's what i find sad because i worked so hard to finnish everything i wanted to get done and i got judged alot but that never discouraged me it made me stronger to show everyone i was not just another teen mom that wanted to sit on the system doing nothing or working low wage jobs that can barely feed 1 person. My kids are everything, they keep me going everyday and they are the reason i wake up with a smile in the morning, they keep me going. I have someone in my life that is a wonderfull man right now and that takes care of my boys the way a dad should and i am a very proud mother specially when i see my 7 year old come back from school with straight A's. I was a teen mom but it doesnt mean i was a bad one i was just not educated enough but i did learn alot and today it made me who i am with my 2 boys.

Sometimes people se only one site

I had my son when i just turned 20.When i was pregnant people on the street where wispering "look ther goes another teen-mom" i hated that, people think that when teenagers have a baby that they don't know how to take care of there child, that is not true! My friend has three sons, she had her first child when she was 16 years old, her boyrfiend and her are still together, they do great! In my hometown we have a center for teen-moms, they educate, give lessons, you can do crafts there, the daycare is on the firts floor and is free, they help you when you want to go back tot school, or go to work, they even got second-hand baby stuff like clothing, beds, etc.I was told that i couldn't get pregnant, and if i do want to have a child i must go to my doctor to start working on me getting pregnant, well, i had sex once without a condom, and i was pregnant!!!! My midwife told me that the doctors were wrong about me not getting pregnant very easy.

And a good sex-education is always a must, getting your daughter on the pil is also a must, butthats my opnion. Not al teen-moms are bad moms, bacause there are also older moms who are bad moms.

Been there

At the age of 16 years and 3 months I got pregnant. Exactly 3 weeks before my 17th birthday, I gave birth to my first son. He was not unplanned. I wanted out of my parents' house so badly that my boyfriend and I planned to have a baby. I have never told my parents this information. I played it off as if it was an accident due to my not taking my birth control pills correctly. Although I love my 3 boys with all of my heart, I would NOT encourage anyone to do this, ever! It is the hardest thing I have ever done, becoming a Mom at 16. My boyfriend and I got married when our son was 4 months old and we are still married to this day, 22 years later. I know we are the exception to the rule. The percentage of couples who stay together from that age has to be in the single digits...but it has not been an easy ride. It has not been a very happy marriage, but we made the choice to have a baby and get married, so I have stayed for the kids. Many people say that is wrong, but I can't help it. These girls MUST think of the unborn baby they are planning to have...it is NOT fair to them at all. Even though I feel I did a pretty decent job as a Mother, most do not. You can't give the baby back...they are your responsibility forever! There are NO breaks or paid vacations, sick days, or time off. This is not an 8 hr a day, 5 day a week job. This is 24/7, 365 days a year, for at least 18 yrs. The expense of raising a kid is astronomical and getting worse every day. My boys are 22, 18 and 13 now...and at 39 yrs old, I am finally feeling ok about having time to myself without the guilt. I really hope these girls will think long and hard about this and choose to wait until they are able to handle the job of having and raising a child.