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What's your secret dream?

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I kind of want to "translate" a book into English. Doesn't really matter from what language, because I don't know any others and I would just be making up whatever I wanted to say anyway, so it would just basically be a book by me but no one would know.
But I don't think I could actually do it, because that's too big of a dick move to any author.

As a young lass, I wanted to be a ballerina. Have never had a dancing lesson in my life, but one of my family friends who was 3 years older than me was very talented (as an adult has dancing with leading ballet companies here) and I thought she was just the most wonderful creature.

Nowadays, I want to do nursing research and revolutionise something. There are so many things that are wrong with the healthcare system, and I'm hopefully going to come up with some tenable solutions, however small.

That would be superb! When i was living in Alaska a few years back, I had this idea of traveling from the Arctic to the tip of South America, learning as many native and not-so-native dance forms I could as I pushed my way south, documenting the entire journey for a book or series or some shit, i don't know...I still think it's a bitchin' idea, someone should do it someday.

I want to get my drivers license. In reality I want it to go to cosmetology school and then get a real job next year.

What I actually want is a car so I can get in it, put all my stuff inside, and just drive to another city and stay there. I don't like anything about this place. It's unaffordable, all the people I liked moved away, there aren't any jobs or people or places I'm interested in. The only thing I have here are my family and my boyfriend. I love him more than anything and I've been with him longer than anyone and I want to build a future with him but he's literally the only thing I have here and I'm not comfortable with that. I love my family and can't leave them because of a million things but they are far too much to deal with and aren't really any support nor do I enjoy being stuck with them. On days I don't have work and my boyfriend has school, I can't think of anything to do. I could go out to a million different bars but I've worn them through, I don't like anyone there, I usually just bring a book and read and then walk home in the cold. I can't go to coffee shops because I've worked in all of them. Going into the city is too expensive. I spent the last few years becoming comfortable with just being by myself and then suddenly the idea of spending an entire day or two in my room, reading, playing videogames, looking for clients... I've done it for so long I feel like it's crushing me.

I used to be depressed because I was chemically unbalanced. Now that I took care of that I'm just depressed because I live in a black hole.

I really want it to just be possible to leave. If I were to describe my current attitude everyone would tell me to leave. But it isn't possible.

If you split, is the boyfriend going to go with you are is that another decision you'll have to make?
If you do decide to go somewhere, I'd say burn some bridges. Otherwise, the first rough patch, you'll be thinking of running back to what's safe and known, even if it's intolerable.

He'd never come with me and I don't think I'd even ask. That's part of why I hate this area so much. He can never ever afford to leave his current job, and as it is, with rent and taxes being so high in the greater new york city area, we can't really even consider moving out of our respective homes, which is to say, with our families, to live with each other. Not unless something drastic happens, and that won't be for at least another couple of years. No one can afford to live here unless they've already established a significant amount of wealth. The only way our own families can afford rent in this area is because he and his family rent from his aunt, and we rent from the Church. Average rent on a studio apartment in this area is like 2,500 to 3,500 a month now.

Plus the more I think about all of this, I have to keep working for a few years anyway. I'd need money for the car, then I'd have to have at least 6 months rent just to be sure I can afford to live whereever I go until I find a job there. Unless I become a hooker but if I'm going to do that I might as well stay in NY where everyone is rich.

It's stupidexpensive here and the advantages keep getting fewer and fewer. The weather is pleasant and you can walk into a store and say, "Good day, fine sir! I would like to purchase four grams of your finest OG Kush and peruse your selection of affordable bongs..." For that you pay ridiculousrent. Assuming you can even find a vacancy to move into.

I hope there's another big earthquake soon. All the transplants flee back to the midwest and rents take a temporary dip.

I want to get my drivers license. In reality I want it to go to cosmetology school and then get a real job next year.

What I actually want is a car so I can get in it, put all my stuff inside, and just drive to another city and stay there. I don't like anything about this place. It's unaffordable, all the people I liked moved away, there aren't any jobs or people or places I'm interested in. The only thing I have here are my family and my boyfriend. I love him more than anything and I've been with him longer than anyone and I want to build a future with him but he's literally the only thing I have here and I'm not comfortable with that. I love my family and can't leave them because of a million things but they are far too much to deal with and aren't really any support nor do I enjoy being stuck with them. On days I don't have work and my boyfriend has school, I can't think of anything to do. I could go out to a million different bars but I've worn them through, I don't like anyone there, I usually just bring a book and read and then walk home in the cold. I can't go to coffee shops because I've worked in all of them. Going into the city is too expensive. I spent the last few years becoming comfortable with just being by myself and then suddenly the idea of spending an entire day or two in my room, reading, playing videogames, looking for clients... I've done it for so long I feel like it's crushing me.

I used to be depressed because I was chemically unbalanced. Now that I took care of that I'm just depressed because I live in a black hole.

I really want it to just be possible to leave. If I were to describe my current attitude everyone would tell me to leave. But it isn't possible.

Don't let go of this dream. It feels impossible, but it won't be for long.

A little over two years ago I hopped a flight to Illinois and never looked back. Left all my shit, and just started over, because I could.

I get that you're in a completely different situation than I was in at the time, so I'm not trying to tell you how to do it or some shit, but you're smart and you're capable and you'll figure it out. It wasn't easy, really, but it was. It all fell together. I saved as much as could from my sewing gig, and I sold my photos online, and made enough just off the photos so I could buy a plane ticket to Illinois.

I mean, I had Max and people I could stay with, so it's not like I just blindly chose a state and moved to it or anything that ludicrous, but it's not as impossible as it seems.

If this is coming out hokey and gross, I'm sorry. I'm just trying to say that you have much more going for you as a human than I ever did, you will definitely make it.

I've always wanted to be a world-class thief or a bank robber. I think about it all the time. I could hit one bank and that would be enough to solve all of my financial woes. Plus, the odds of first-time bank robbers getting caught are really really low. Just sayin'...

I've always wanted to be a world-class thief or a bank robber. I think about it all the time. I could hit one bank and that would be enough to solve all of my financial woes. Plus, the odds of first-time bank robbers getting caught are really really low. Just sayin'...

Now that you mention it, I do think about that quite often. We should get together. Invite some people, but no more than nine.

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