Dina Lohan Claims To Be a ‘Mother’

Apparently Dina Lohan, Queen of the Harpy Enablers, is back in the picture because not only did she pick Lindsay up from rehab today, she’s been allowed to issue statements which is the closest thing she has to sex now after the alcohol took her ability to be penetrated. Popeater reports:

“I thank everyone for their support, but I ask as a mother that she be given the time and space she needs.”
… A source tells me that Lindsay was picked up by her mom and that her father, Michael, was not involved in her big exit. I’m told that after she’s out, Lindsay will not be going to a safe house and that she’ll likely be staying in Los Angeles for a while with her mom.”

I’m pretty sure if Lindsay Lohan is the final product, you’re not allowed to make sweeping requests “as a mother.” In fact, I’m pretty sure that excludes you from anything that doesn’t involve drinking yourself to death and praying to God no one finds out you lost a child that time Chili’s had 99 cent margaritas. How were you to supposed know he wasn’t in your purse? That’s where babies belong!