Follow us on Social Media

We try to maintain our idealism about the human race, but then we hear about people like Officer Matthew Luckhurst of the San Antonio Police Department and his affinity for serving shit, literal shit, to homeless people. According to reports, back in 2016, bike cop Luckhurst was on patrol when he allegedly found two pieces of bread with feces in between them. Instead of throwing the shit sandwich away, he decided it would be hilarious to offer it to a homeless man.

The incident led to Lukhurst’s suspension, which could have been the happy ending to this story. But life is not a fairy tale and villains rarely get what’s actually coming to them. He appealed the suspension, stating that because of a loophole, the suspension was unlawful. Courts agreed and his suspension was lifted. The good news, however, is that our dear friend Officer Luckhurst is currently appealing another suspension, stemming from an incident in which he and another male officer are accused of intentionally defecating in the women’s bike patrol office restroom, smearing brown contents over the toilet seat and leaving defecation in the stall. And listen, we’re not above bathroom humor, but it sounds like this guy’s entire life is one big poop joke and we can only hope that, one day, the universe will slap the shit-eating grin off this dude’s stupid face.