Somebody pinch me, I must be dreaming. 14 years since production first commenced, Duke Nukem Forever has finally gone on sale. It was immediately hit by stonkingly bad reviews, though. D'oh!
Apparently, the game has failed to live up to the hype. Although, with that much talk, for that long, it was bound to have a rough ride. …

"dozens of babes dressed as raunchy schoolgirls"

... and the world goes ...

Sod this, buy Madness Returns instead

The demo for DNF was ball-bustingly bad. Everyone I know that had pre-orders cancelled them. Me, I'm more interested in Alice 2: Madness Returns. The first game was incredible, and unlike DNF, this sequel doesn't look like a total ruination. It'll help keep me going until the ridiculously delayed Child of Eden arrives on Move.

n/t

That's such a dumb statement on so many levels. Aside from the fact that this game is shaping up to be a flop, demonstrating the weakness of such a product on today's market, that's like saying Porky's or Revenge of the Nerds casts a bad light on all film.

Men...

I believe you will find most men:

a) Like women. A lot. For obvious reasons.

b) Being male and mammalian, exhibit competitiveness, perhaps even an innate instinct towards violence. Self preservation and hunting and all that etc.. We are after all, wise as we are, creatures of nature... we are ... animals.

c) on the other hand know how to behave themselves by and large in society (else chaos there be), because we can (or would like to believe we can) transcend more primitive instincts and urges because we can think and learn at a level of abstraction that is unprecedented amongst animals.

Movies like Rambo and pr0n and FPSs/games like this are but a manifestation of whence we came. It is probably instinct to generally like stuff like this.

But... that doesn't mean we can't be upstanding members of society in real life.

Shockingly bad.

Enjoyable

If you look at it as the long delayed sequel to Duke3D then it is a fine game. Stop comparing it to the games of today. If your a Duke fan in the first place it is a very enjoyable romp. Hails back to the old school days when you didn't need top notch graphics, detailed story line. You just wanted to have fun.

2 guns only

That 2 guns only shit was made popular thanks to that really shitty game called Halo. Unfortunately, it seems to have turned into "teh thing" on FPS, so a good bunch of FPS now have that idiotic rule. Please, I'd rather have the "Felix the Cat bag" approach to weapons/ammo than the shitty 2 guns only system!

not enough!

Past glories have remained firmly in the past..

What can I say other than bad.... shockingly bad, nay shamefully bad. It's just.... well.... just bad. You will have more enjoyment using your money to drink yourself into a catatonic stupor while someone plucks out your pubic hair with a chainsaw. Yes!!!! It is THAT bad.

As a sidenote, is it just me or does the "Duke" in that picture look like a dwarf.

You want some?

I'm having a riot playing DNF

Yea the graphics are a little dated but the gameplay, puzzles, humour and weapons are fantastic. I found my inner child laughing out loud at some of the scenarios and things that Duke says. I've just finished Crysis 2 which, although graphically wonderful, was a repetetive dumbed down shadow of Crysis 1 with unimaginative weaponry and encounters. Hail to the king, baby.

With a bit of luck,

crap reviews will bring the price down, so I can pick it up without feeling too guilty. Even still, I get the feeling that it's going to be a bit like watching your dad dancing: "Look at me, kids! See, I used to be cool..."

Who cares what girls think

Genius!

Have DNF - and can honestly say...

That I've not had so much fun since playing Portal! The puzzles, wisecracks and gameplay all feel pretty damn good to me.

The stopping to refuel the Mighty Foot (monster truck) was getting a little tedious - but was useful for introducing some different segments of the game (like the ghost town - that part was fun) - and I've not yet finished playing through it yet! (I also giggled at Duke's comment when finishing the Mighty Foot segment - the irony was sidesplitting "Awww! But it got such good gas mileage!")

It was nearly 1a.m. when I suddenly realised I had to get up for work the next day and retired to bed.