May I give an (admittedly completely amateur and likely off-base) psychological take on this?

Friend has, according to the OP, an ex who was seriously involved with drugs. Friend has probably heard lots of justifications for his destructive behaviour. She's heard him claim that his drug use was "completely harmless," while feeling that she was, personally, being harmed a lot.

Then, she hears the OP defend a drug, possibly using some of the same phrases her ex has used to her. Her anger, hurt and disgust at her ex are transferred to the OP, tarring her with the same brush. It's irrational, but it's the result of being hurt.

Logged

My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

May I give an (admittedly completely amateur and likely off-base) psychological take on this?

Friend has, according to the OP, an ex who was seriously involved with drugs. Friend has probably heard lots of justifications for his destructive behaviour. She's heard him claim that his drug use was "completely harmless," while feeling that she was, personally, being harmed a lot.

Then, she hears the OP defend a drug, possibly using some of the same phrases her ex has used to her. Her anger, hurt and disgust at her ex are transferred to the OP, tarring her with the same brush. It's irrational, but it's the result of being hurt.

As a psych student, may I say I found that spot on. It has both cognitive, and biological merit. I'm taking this, and not letting it bother me anymore.

Logged

Just because someone is offended that does not mean they are in the right.

While figuring out why she may have reacted this way is good, please, do talk this through with her. I would need a conversation to clear the air before I would feel close to her again. Especially if I were about to spend lots of time with her kids. Please find a way to tell her how her reaction made her feel. You can allow that she may have very strong feelings about drugs, but taking it out on you wasn't fair.

Please talk to her. If she does have this anger button, she needs to see it before she does more damage to those who care for her.

I'm still puzzled where the 'gracious gifts to me means she is neglecting her family'. But again that might be an ex problem carry over.

I think I would have to talk to her before cutting her out of my life. Probably in a neutral location and in a calm manner and just express how disrespected you felt. If it doesn't improve then cut her off.