Mayor Albert Yen-Gang, who is Mayor of San Grabbit, in Los Angeles, appears to have fallen upon 'hard' times.....

Having escaped from the City Hall car park, in the Mayoral Limousine, after giving his chauffer, Mr Hank Speedo, the slip, Mayor Yen-Gang, drove like a lunatic, through the city streets, until he reached a car park, where he was seen arguing, with a woman there, over money.

Two witnesses, by the name of Rita Meter and Wilma Warden, told police, that after what seemed to be, a very heated argument, Mayor Yen-Gang, snatched the woman's purse, and got back into the Mayoral Limousine.

The woman, who has since been named as Bonnie Bag-it, was determined not to lose her purse, and so she gallantly, grabbed a hold, of Mayor Yen-Gang's bonnet, which resembles a frilly shower cap, and ties under his chin, with blue long silk ribbons....
Apparently, Mayor Yen-Gang, wears this, to save getting sun stroke.

Bonnie Bag-it, held on for grim life, and with her arm trapped in the car window, as Mayor Yen-Gang, made off at speed, in the Limousine.

Bemused crowds on the sidewalks, stared in amazement, as what was clearly the Mayoral limousine, speeding past, with Bonnie Bag-it, being dragged along in mid-air, on the outside of the car, and with the Mayor driving it.

Eventually, the police took pursuit, and the Mayoral limousine was tailed for some distance, until eventually, the Mayoral Limousine, came to a rather sticky end, after ploughing into a candy store and nearby ice cream van.

Police surrounded the Mayoral Limousine, as Mayor Yen-Gang, held Bonnie Bag-it, to ransom, by trapping her arms in the car window, causing her considerable pain.

Mayor Yen-Gang, shouted to angry police, that he was not going to let her go, unless they backed off, and agreed to let him, go, but the police were determined that he should be apprehended, in order to answer for his crime, and so called in a SWAT team, to help, bring the situation under control.

Meanwhile, Bonnie Bag-It, was trying to reason with Mayor Yen-Gang, offering to let him just have her purse, if only he would let her free of the pain she was in.
This failed to work.

Bonnie Bag-it, then tried to tell Mayor Yen-Gang, that there was no money in her purse anyway, but this failed to work, as Mayor Yen-Gang, took a look in her purse, and saw that she had $30 in it.

Eventually, the SWAT team arrived, and tried to mediate with Mayor Yen-Gang, in a bid to make him give himself up, but Mayor Yen-Gang, seemed determined to sit it out, in the limousine, now covered, in ice cream and candy and very firmly embedded, into the Candy Store front, not to mention, one half of the Ice Cream Van.

The SWAT team, now angry that Mayor Yen-Gang refused to comply, issued a threat, that they would have to shoot him, if he failed to vacate the vehicle.

Mayor Yen-Gang, found himself surrounded, by armed SWAT team, law enforcement officers, all pointing guns right at him, at which point he agreed to free Bonnie Bag-It, if they agreed, to let him keep her purse, as a souvenir.

The SWAT team thought this a somewhat odd request, until they took a closer look in his car, and saw that the seats were covered in ladies purses, of all different colours.

It was then, that it became apparent, that Mayor Yen-Gang, had a ladies purse fetish.

Police soon realized, that the only way to bring the purse siege, to a end, was to agree, to this, with Bonnie Bag-it's willing agreement, naturally, she gave this.

Mayor Yen-Gang, finally got out of the vehicle, after freeing Bonnie Bag-It.

He was clutching both arms full, of ladies purses, whilst drooling excessively.

He was arrested in possession of 90,000 ladies purses, each containing anything between 10 and 50 dollars, other than for 500 bus passes, belonging to female pensioners, and 600 lotto tickets, for the next draw, of the state lotto.

At the police precinct, Mayor Yen-Gang, denied having stolen the stash of purses, and even tried to deny, having snatched the purse, belonging to Bonnie Bag-It, police thought this outrageous, and detained him in the county jail, pending some further investigation.

After a full investigation, it transpired that Mayor Yen-Gang, had been snatching ladies purses, for several years, and deriving some perverse pleasure, from possessing them.

90,000 women, whose purses were stolen, were called to the police precinct, to identify their purses, many of whom were pensioners.

Mayor Yen-Gang, has since appeared before Judge Buck Dollar the 7th, in the Los Angeles County Law Courts, where he asked for several other, offenses, to be considered.

These being, the theft of 30,000 traffic meters, it would appear that he has a fetish for these too, these were all, found, at his home, situated near Long Shot, close to Tolerance, just up the coast, from Santa Monica.

Other offenses, other than the snatching of the purses, and traffic meters, were:

Verbal abuse of victims,

Damage to the Candy Store,

Damage to the Ice Cream Van,

Misuse of the Mayoral limousine,

The theft of the bonnet he was wearing, which was snatched off the head of an old lady, in down town Santa Barber,

Not to mention the beard, off Santa Barber himself.

The court were told that a psychiatric report, on Mayor Yen-Gang, had revealed a tendency to obsessive compulsive behaviour, not to mention an uncontrollable fetish, in connection with ladies purses, traffic meters, and anything, that bore any relation money, and the snatching of it, which apparently provided Mayor Yen-Gang, with a phenomenally perverse buzz.

Judge Buck Dollar the 7th, told Mayor Yen-Gang, that he had abused a position of trust, as the Mayor of San Grabbit, not to mention setting a bad example to his community, and that he should have sought some psychiatric help, for his fetish, and also, his obsessive compulsive disorder.

Mayor Yen-Gang, in trying to justify his crimes, told Judge Buck Dollar the 7th, that he had been struggling to deal with his compulsions, since the day that his mother asked him to mind her purse, and as a result, he put her purse into his pocket, upon which he started to get a huge buzz, and that his playmate at the time, by the name of Yin Yang-Hung, remarked at how large the bulge, in his trousers was, so being a tad dishonest, at the time, he attributed this, to being well endowed, and so this made him feel like a big guy.

Since which, he has been switched on, by possessing purses, and traffic meters, which he told the court, he stole, to make himself look even more well hung.

Judge Buck Dollar the 7th, interrupted, shouting:

"That's it, I have heard enough, you are a very depraved and inadequate man, and I am sentencing you to 20 years in the state penitentiary, where you will be unable to satisfy your urges, you are further relieved of your Mayoral status, and I am ordering, that all Mayoral pay, due to you, will be further confiscated, in order to meet a total of $50,000, in compensation to Bonnie Bag-it, and a further $1,000 in court costs.

Mayor Yen-Gang, was lead away from the court, shackled and minus a wallet or purse, and is now incarcerated, in the Hang-man Wing, of the state penitentiary.

The 90,000 snatched purses, were returned to their victims, all of whom, were in court, to see justice, finally done.

Bonnie Bag-it, cheered as Mayor Yen-Gang, was lead out of the court, shackled, and held up her purse, with a somewhat smug expression on her face, but this caused the former Mayor Yen-Gang, to swell so much, that he was hardly able to walk, and as a result, he was held in contempt of court, for sexually abusing the courtroom, leaving, Judge Buck Dollar the 7th, with no choice but to impose a swelling of his sentence, from 25 years, to 30 years, without parole.

The new Mayor of San Grabbit, is a woman, by the name of Pamela Purse-Strings, who is said to be unable to drive a car, and dislikes pockets in her clothing, not to mention being more inclined to carry a wallet, as opposed to a purse, fuelling speculation, that she is either bi-sexual, or into one way streets, as she is unmarried, and shares a house, with a female Prison Officer.

Swipe me! For a moment I thought the good doctor and self proclaimed Dame of the British Empire had returned with more comedy gold. But no. Now that the spam has been removed you can, I am sure, forgive my confusion.
As these, and hundreds more like them, are read out on Youtube, I think the commas are a form of voice-over shorthand for "breath".
Still can't be arsed to read the whole of this old bollocks though.