Jan 8, 2011

It's Chel. Not Chelsea, not Shell, not Michelle or whateverthefuck you want to extend it into. Just Chel. I sort of picked it, actually -- I was born Renchel Regene Marie. But I was born to parents too young, who attempted but failed to maintain commitment after accidental child. I haven't physically seen my father since I was four. I hated him for it, you know. Just a little less than I pitied myself. I didn't even want to talk to him for the longest time. And that was just over e-mail. It was easier that way. When I had the opportunity to change my name, my mom let me choose it. Somehow it made it more special, I guess. It gave me control after lacking it for so long and being miserable because of it. That's what the doctors said the anorexia was. My feeble attempt at gaining some sort of control over my life. It went terribly wrong, of course. I'm all too familiar with the scent of hospitals, too familiar with the policies in the ICU. They don't even let immediate family in, you know. Not until you're stable. And they can't be bothered to come out and give them updates. I don't even remember the ambulance. My mother cried and cried all night. It was Mother's Day.

Jan 7, 2011

Lists, lists, lists
organization, categorization,
chronology, importance
numbers, numbers, numbers
spilling over to the next list
objects, events, people
names, positions, relationships
remember, remember
and do not forget
tie a piece of string around
your finger (instead of that
noose around your neck--)
so it stays imprinted into your
mind, so you can recall, withsome accuracy,whatever you
kept on your list
list list lists.

Jan 6, 2011

"I don't think he meant it like that," I began, but already the two brothers were nodding at each other slightly. They had this look in their bright blue eyes that told me they'd already made up their minds. I immediately regretted showing them his picture.

Jan 5, 2011

I let my left foot catch up with its other and just stood there, head angled back, smiling like an idiot. I burst into laughter. Some women sitting together in a car paused before a red light in a black box turned and stared. Their lips took turns moving under their fixed eyes, but I angled my umbrella to block them out of my view. The clouds resumed their glow, and their sparkles fill all that is around me.

Jan 4, 2011

Jan 3, 2011

So I've been addicted to this app on my iPhone called Opinionaided. It's this thing where people post questions (or in reality, anything at all) and you can offer your opinion and/or advice. I tried it on a whim, because the screenshots the developers posted had it being used for fashion advice and I sure do love fashion!

What I've really been into, though, was giving advice in the Dating & Relationships sections. I'm not sure who the target audience is for the app but I've been seeing a lot of teenagers using it and they have pretty much the same problems I had when I was a teenager, so I felt compelled to offer advice. I guess I didn't really know what to expect when I started -- I'm sort of used to all the trolls on WoW and stuff -- but I've been getting a lot of sincere people who really appreciate the advice. Actually, most people I offer advice to really appreciate it and seem to benefit from it.

It got me thinking, thanks to Get-It-Done-Guy Stever Robbins and his book, if I could somehow turn that skill into a career. That is not to say that I somehow want to make money off of these people -- I just want to do this for a living! It makes me happy helping people. I want to be able to do it all the time, not just whenever I have free time. I often don't really find myself with enough free time to spend anyway!