Having read Phyllis Chesler's article in today's New York Post, titled "Why are jihadis so obsessed with porn?" we decided to give voice to the other side, by interviewing Rabid Habibi, a self-described jihad addict, whom we found browsing the magazine rack at the local adult novelty shop, Sex Toys'R'Us.

Cube: Mr. Habibi, we at the People's Cube are dedicated to airing diverse opinions for the sake of fairness. You must be familiar with this concept from reading articles in these magazines behind you.

Rabid Habibi: Yes, I read them for the articles.

Cube: Of course. How do you respond to the allegation that according to NSA documents made public by Edward Snowden, countless "radicals" have called for jihad by day but watched porn by night?

Rabid Habibi: Like you said, they viewed it for the articles.

Cube: I can see that. Still, how do you explain that with all this obsession with porn, most Muslims surveyed by Gallup say they disapprove of porn and castigate the West for producing it?

Rabid Habibi: What do you mean, "most"? All Muslims disapprove of porn! Otherwise they are apostates and must be beheaded.

Cube: Right. Then what are you doing here with the porn magazines?

Rabid Habibi: Like you said, I read them for the articles.

Cube: But the Navy SEALs who killed Osama bin Laden also found a big stash of modern porn in his possession. How do you explain that?

Rabid Habibi: That's easy. He read them for the articles.

Cube: But the 9/11 jihadists also visited strip clubs, requested lap dances, and paid for prostitutes in their motel rooms in Boston, Las Vegas and Florida. And so did the "holy man" imam Anwar Al-Awlaki, who had mentored some of them and other would-be jihadis. The story says he ate a lot of pizza and visited a lot of prostitutes.

Rabid Habibi: So what? I also buy a lot of pizza and visit prostitutes. We read these magazines, eat pizza, and discuss the articles.

Cube: The story also says that police raids of terrorist cells in Britain, Italy and Spain have yielded countless images of hard-core child pornography.

Rabid Habibi: Yes, children are a blessing. We must reach their souls before they reach puberty.

Cube: It also says that jihadis often embed secret coded messages into shared pornography and onto pedophile websites. And German police has found more than 100 al Qaeda documents concerning terrorist plots embedded within a porn video hidden in a suspect's underwear.

Rabid Habibi: This only proves they view it for the articles.

Cube: How do you respond to London Mayor Boris Johnson's description of jihadis as "porn driven losers" who have "low self-esteem and are unsuccessful with women"?

Rabid Habibi: Now, that's stupid. How can he say that a man who owns several wives and sex slaves is unsuccessful with women? I call it very successful! It's the London Mayor who has low self-esteem because he doesn't own several wives and sex slaves. I call it a "sore loser." He's jealous of other people's success and wants to deny this opportunity to others.

Cube: Speaking of which, the story also says ISIS fighters are buying frilly underwear for their wives and sex slaves - and subjecting them to abnormal and sadistic sexual practices. Could they have learned this perversity from viewing porn?

Rabid Habibi: One man's "abnormal" is another man's misunderstood cultural tradition. ISIS is only trying to build an ideal society as envisioned by Prophet Mohammed (Peace Be Upon Him), so who are you to call it perverse and abnormal? I find such talk extremely offensive. I bet you're one of those extremists Obama is talking about.

Cube: I'm not, but I see how you can get confused, since Obama never defines who the extremists are or what motivates them - jihad or maybe collecting stamps. By the way, the article also suggests we stop calling jihadis "Islamic terrorists" and rather describe them as "porn hounds." Would you find that less offensive?

Rabid Habibi: Now, that's a step in the right direction. Nobody sends drones against porn addicts. One man's porno flick is another man's documentary about his future life in paradise with pizza and prostitutes. Maybe Obama will give us money for treatment and tell his troops in Iraq to build clinics for porn addicts.

Cube: That's not what The New York Post means. Have you read that article?

Rabid Habibi: Not really. I find The New York Post articles abnormal. I'm very particular about what articles I read.

State Department insiders suggested the problem of youth unemployment in Muslim countries could be lessened if only more of the homes of the militants' parents had basements in which they could live. They noted that the prevalence of basements in U.S. homes has been crucial in helping jobless young Americans cope with the lack of employment opportunities.

They said the highly nuanced plan to dig basements is certainly "shovel ready," though they acknowledged that it is uncertain how basements can be provided in cases where the parents still live in tents.

State Department insiders suggested the problem of youth unemployment in Muslim countries could be lessened if only more of the homes of the militants' parents had basements in which they could live. They noted that the prevalence of basements in U.S. homes has been crucial in helping jobless young Americans cope with the lack of employment opportunities.

They said the highly nuanced plan to dig basements is certainly "shovel ready," though they acknowledged that it is uncertain how basements can be provided in cases where the parents still live in tents.There are many very lovely basements available in complexes running under the border between Gaza and Israel. They are fully equipped with generators, relief facilities, Wi-Fi, armaments, and ammunition stockpiles. Oh, and porn, I suppose. And what is even better is that there are many shovel-ready jobs available for those who wish to extended these basement complexes.

By the same token, many Jihadis in ISIS also enjoy the SISI (Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue) for the fashion-forward bikinis available to the members of their harems to wear to the beach (under their burqas of course).

Still others, wishing to ram the point home, insist that they like to read Playboy for the very same reason they read Sheep Magazine: The ARTICLES.

ISIS on SISI.jpgBy the same token, many Jihadis in ISIS also enjoy the SISI (Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue) for the fashion-forward bikinis available to the members of their harems to wear to the beach (under their burqas of course).

Still others, wishing to ram the point home, insist that they like to read Playboy for the very same reason they read Sheep Magazine: The ARTICLES.

Muslims for Sheep.jpgYeah, took the words right outta my mouth, Comrade K. Let me see if I can produce photos of this most excellent idea. Actually, I don't think I have it in me. Still. Good idea!

I'm talkin' 'bout sheep porn. Let someone else have at it! Or goats, if you prefer.

'Scuse me, gotta go barf.

I do know they really get off on chopping humans up. Men, women, children. It's a free-for all for them. Chopping=Orgasm. Nice, huh?

What? Ahhhhhhh....you think maybe the socks are too conservative? I can get her a nice pair of compression knee socks - helps keep the blood circ...never mind... By the way, did you ever have a pouch installed like we discussed months ago? If so, you might consider dropping by later,...I could use some help with a load of beet greens.

What? Ahhhhhhh....you think maybe the socks are too conservative? I can get her a nice pair of compression knee socks - helps keep the blood circ...never mind... By the way, did you ever have a pouch installed like we discussed months ago? If so, you might consider dropping by later,...I could use some help with a load of beet greens.

Comrade, it's not the socks. Normally, I would consider socks, alone, to be enough. There is just something about a green and blue mini-burka that screams "FASHION DISASTER" and the rainbow socks cannot mitigate the aesthetic nightmares I'm sure to experience.

As for the gender re-alignment surgery, that needed to be postponed due to the fact that I was falsely accused of rebelling against Deer Leader's economic recovery and had my Obamacare privileges revoked until I could prove I was either completely incapable of beet field duties or dedicating all of my waking and sleeping hours to ensuring that Next Tuesday™ would arrive before I knew it. Apparently, I've not yet been successful in convincing the Servants of The People™ that when Next Tuesday™ does arrive, I'll be completely oblivious.

Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa? I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

Who knew Fatima was hiding such great legs under her burqa? I applaud your unconventional fashion-sense Captain Craptek. Haters gonna hate.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

Comrade Punk - I approve! You are now my oldest and newest best friend.

Thank you Comrade Punk. At least someone around here appreciates my talent - unlike that overfed mouse!Speaking of feeding overgrown mice...While pondering The Party™'s new alliance with The Religion of Peace™, it occurred to me that outlawing our female counterparts from partaking in the operation of vehicles will result in fewer vehicles on the roads. This in turn, will result in less wear on our infrastructure, and the preservation of our environment. The latter not only in reduced use of fossil fuels, but also in less roadkill. As a friend to all of our furry friends (with the exception of bovine, swine, and beavers of course), I cringe when I see a bloody ball of fur by the side of the road. Any reduction in these sightings is a worthwhile endeavor, regardless of the cost to our selfish economic concerns. This should make us all feel warm and fuzzy inside, especially those of us who are also fuzzy on the outside.

Comrade Punk - I approve! You are now my oldest and newest best friend.Thank you for awarding me with this honorable distinction, however I am not quite sure how to take it... Especially from one who is notorious for surrounding himself with various types of nuts.

Many years ago I met Helen's sister at a wedding and afterward remarked to a friend that she was the ugliest woman I'd ever seen. Later that year I met Helen herself at symposium and later had to tell my friend I withdrew the previous remark.

The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand

When asked if they could point to North Korea on a map many college students didn't know what a map was

CNN: We must bring America into the 21st century by replacing the 18th century Constitution with 19th century poetry

Pelosi: 'We have to impeach the president in order to find out what we impeached him for'

BREAKING: As of Saturday July 8, 2017, all of Earth's ecosystems have shut down as per Prince Charles's super scientific pronouncement made 96 months ago. Everything is dead. All is lost. Life on Earth is no more.

DNC to pick new election slogan out of four finalists: 'Give us more government or everyone dies,' 'Vote for Democrats or everyone dies,' 'Impeach Trump or everyone dies,' 'Stop the fearmongering or everyone dies'

Al Gore's "An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power" is humanity's last chance to save the Earth before it ends five years ago

Experts: The more we embrace diversity the more everything is the same

Study: Many non-voters still undecided on how they're not going to vote

The Evolution of Dissent: on November 8th the nation is to decide whether dissent will stop being racist and become sexist - or it will once again be patriotic as it was for 8 years under George W. Bush

Venezuela solves starvation problem by making it mandatory to buy food

China launches cube-shaped space object with a message to aliens: "The inhabitants of Earth will steal your intellectual property, copy it, manufacture it in sweatshops with slave labor, and sell it back to you at ridiculously low prices"

Progressive scientists: Truth is a variable deduced by subtracting 'what is' from 'what ought to be'

Experts agree: Hillary Clinton best candidate to lessen percentage of Americans in top 1%

America's attempts at peace talks with the White House continue to be met with lies, stalling tactics, and bad faith

Starbucks new policy to talk race with customers prompts new hashtag #DontHoldUpTheLine

Hillary: DELETE is the new RESET

Charlie Hebdo receives Islamophobe 2015 award; the cartoonists could not be reached for comment due to their inexplicable, illogical deaths

Russia sends 'reset' button back to Hillary: 'You need it now more than we do'

Barack Obama finds out from CNN that Hillary Clinton spent four years being his Secretary of State

President Obama honors Leonard Nimoy by taking selfie in front of Starship Enterprise