‘Orange Is the New Black,’ Season 2 Finale: ‘We Have Manners. We’re Polite.’

This OITNB finale ties up nearly all loose ends that were thoughtfully unraveled throughout the season. It’s without flashbacks and gets down to business. In a shocking and violent conclusion to the last episode, Vee has the last “word” with Red when she slocks her – i.e. takes a sock filled with a padlock and beats her with it. It seemed Red was dead, but this episode, we discover she lives! Phew. (Did Vee hope to kill her?)

And Red really does look like Heat Miser, so thanks for that, Crazy Eyes.

In “We Have Manners. We’re Polite,” authorities are investigating the slock-down. Vee, losing traction, is desperate to force her “family” to frame Suzanne (AKA Crazy Eyes), not so subtly suggesting that they mention Suzanne’s known history of violence. Vee also takes advantage of Suzanne’s mental instability, convincing her that she committed the crime, even if she can’t clearly remember it. Other prisoners, though, are definitely pointing the investigators toward Vee, including Miss “I Don’t Like Rude” Rosa.

As a natural way to conclude the season, many key characters are busying themselves with plotting against Vee in the finale. Gloria and Norma are whipping up some arsenic in the kitchen. Boo and Nicky are attempting to lead the guards to Vee’s stash of heroin (which Nicky has hidden). Red is taking her bed rest as an opportunity to plot (she’s too much of an OG to just turn Vee in). And eventually, Vee’s “family” snaps to their senses and goes to the authorities with the truth. It’s obvious Vee’s doomed, but we just aren’t sure what her ultimate fate will be.

Piper has just gotten released from the SHU after she was caught in the administrative offices last episode by Caputo, where she was stealing files from the embezzling assistant warden, Natalie ”Fig” Figueroa. Caputo is intrigued by her snooping, as he’s always trying to figure out a way to bring Fig down. And behold! Piper has intel, but she’s only willing to fork it over given that Caputo cancels her transfer to another prison, which was looming over her head last episode. Wish granted.

Caputo, now loaded with ammo, has a despicable scene in Fig’s office. He finds her crying about her husband having an affair with a man. This doesn’t keep Caputo from taking advantage of her. When Caputo says he has her files proving she has been embezzling, she provides him a sexual favor (Cringe. Beer can.) to keep his mouth shut. All along, he has already turned her in.

Now that Caputo has taken Fig down, he’s gunning for her job and is determined to come off as prison hero—“My star might be rising while Fig’s explodes” he says to Bennett. Caputo is cancelling all of the transfers and talks to Bennett about the two of them being the good guys at Litchfield. This conversation continues to raise the question, is Bennett going to confess that Daya is having his baby? And do we even care anymore?

Beyond canceling the transfers, Caputo wants to appease the nuns, who continue to protest for better prison conditions outside of the gates, thanks to Sister Ingalls. Caputo begs Ingalls to take a bite of muffin and end her hunger strike, which she agrees to, but only because she’d already secretly ended the strike upon Red’s urging. (By the way, how great is O’Neill with these ladies? –“You are professional humiliators!” he yells at them, scarred by his Catholic school days.)

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When Bennett finally (Hallelujah!) gets up the nerve to confess to Caputo that he is the father of Daya’s baby, Caputo tells Bennett to keep it to himself, which is quite possibly the most anticlimactic thing that occurs all season. Caputo’s already sweeping things under the rug on day two to keep his record clean.

What Fig tells Caputo as she packs her things is prescient: “Good luck with your noble intentions. This place will beat ‘em outta you quick.” It will be interesting to see where things go under his leadership in season three.

Back in the cafeteria, Taystee sits with Poussey and makes their reunion completely public. It’s uplifting to see things come full circle this season. Vee managed to divide women at Litchfield for her own selfish gains, but in the end, true friendship prevailed.

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No one shows up to Healy’s “Safe Place” meeting, which leaves him heartbroken, but also means we get to see Leanne run away with his Russian cookies. Comedic gold. Run, Leanne, run!

It’s touching, though, to see Pennsatucky, the key “Safe Place” inmate proponent, apologize later. “I am forever grateful to you, ‘cause you’re the only person in my entire life who’s ever taken the time to talk to me,” she says to Healy. The relationship between Healy and Pennsatucky has developed into something more than advisor-advisee; one that is symbiotic. Wild to think that in the finale of season one, Pennsatucky was plotting murder, and Healy was turning a blind eye while Pennsatucky and Piper fought to the potential death.

Thanks to Pennsatucky’s kind words, Healy goes above and beyond to create a fake alibi for Crazy Eyes so she doesn’t take the fall for Vee. This series creates a complicated web of cause-and-effect relationships, so even the minor storylines have big impact.

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Alex finally visits Piper. She’s just miz in Queens, sleeping with a gun because she doesn’t feel protected by her probation officer. She’s considering going back to dealing because she has no qualifications for a desk job. It seems Alex has resolved that she’s skipping town. “But I don’t have anyone left” whines Piper. “I’m sorry for all of it… I really do love you,” Alex responds. I’m rooting for them.

Piper is also graced with a visit from Larry and Polly, which is as infuriating as expected,

and spurs a very satisfying rant. Polly and Larry have the nerve to request Piper’s blessing for their relationship. But it would seem the only reason the two visit is as a plot device for Piper to ultimately ask them a favor: to call Alex’s probation officer and tip him off on the fact that she might be leaving town. Is this Piper’s clever way of getting Alex back into Litchfield? It would seem so. It works, too, as Alex is caught holding a gun by officer David Crockett and it’s implied she’ll be back at Litchfield in no time.

In the end, Vee realizes she’s alone, guilty, and likely go to a maximum security prison. In a scene when she confronts her little “Taystee girl,” Taystee’s true friends surround Vee and make it clear she’s no longer anyone’s “mama.” It’s the first time in the season that Vee appears weak. Alone, she feels she has one choice: to escape– specifically through the hole in Red’s greenhouse.

There is this great moment of peace in the bunks of Litchfield, where the women are relaxed and it seems like everything is right again with Vee gone. The only exception is Suzanne, left clutching her UNO cards and crying. She feels lost again and it’s so complicated because the same woman who threw her to the wolves, also gave her a sense of belonging she has always yearned for.

So, what becomes of Vee?

Rosa, who’d earlier been told she has mere weeks left by her oncologist, is given the van by sweet Morello. The prison is on lockdown with the disappearance of Vee, which offers an opportunity for Rosa to speed off. As she hits the road, Vee turns up on the side of the street looking for a ride. Without a second thought, Rosa stomps on the gas and hits her. “Always so rude that one,” Rosa says to herself.

And with that, the season 2 villain is taken out. Rosa cruises off with the windows down and the sounds of “Don’t Fear the Reaper” along with sirens blaring in the distance. For Rosa, it’s music to her ears, and a great way to go.