Miscarriage Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have experienced the traumatizing event of a miscarriage or a stillbirth. Miscarriage remains one of the most common complication of pregnancy, but that doesn't make it easy to deal with. Join the group and find support in the company of others who know what you're going through.

I need help

I had to have a D&C at eight weeks pregnant and every since the D&C my husband has been acting weird. He won't talk to me about what has beened and he won't even hold me and tell me everyting well be ok. He just acts like nothing has happend. Is this normal has anyone else experinced anything like this? Lisa

Hi Lisa:
I remember goiong through that same experience, as a number of friends on here.
When I had my miscarriage, it was something that my boyfriend avoided talking about. I think you husband may be working through the shock and hurt of losing your baby. Men, unfortunately, hide their emotions from us - and tend to distance themselves from us and/or the miscarriage.
I had my n/c in May 07 - and there are still times that my boyfriend cannot even call it a miscarriage (when the subject comes up) - he calls it &quot;that thing&quot;.
It is especially hard - since you really want to have his support, during this difficult time.
What I did (and it depends on how receptive your husband will be to this) is I told my boyfriend about my struggles in dealing with the m/c - and I would ask him if he felt the same way too - or was it just me?
When I approached him at the right time (i.e. not working on the house, or in the middle of something) he was receptive and able to talk (little by little) about how he felt. I think that some men just do not have that natural instinct to comfort a person when they most need it. My boyfriend is a loving man - but he was never able to really reach out to me during my time of loss.
I think that time, and gentle persuasion - your husband will stop acting weird and come around.
I hope this helps you.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Take Care
Love, Hugs and Healing to you and your husband:
Julie

First, I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to go through this. I know that men deal with things differently. My husband went out and mowed the lawn the day after I had my D&amp;C which really hurt me. Finally, I had to directly approach him and tell him how much I was hurting and that I needed him. Also, I know that my OB talked to him about a week after losing the baby and explained to him how much support I needed and how hard it was emotionally for women to go through a miscarriage. I think hearing from me and my doc about how much I hurt helped him realize that he needed to grieve with me and not just push every thing down. I hope this helps...

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