Manipulation of Child Victims Act an abuse of power

By Brian Toale, Commentary

Published
4:12 pm EDT, Tuesday, July 11, 2017

I just spent half a year advocating for the Child Victims Act alongside a group of dedicated and courageous survivors and supporters. We went wherever we could to be seen and heard. We spoke of our own experiences in order to show how children of today and tomorrow would be safer and healthier with this law in place and justice could not be served without it. We explained how the law, as it now stands, prolongs and continues the abuse by re-enacting the shaming, blaming and silencing of survivors and could re-traumatize them as they sought to be heard.

Today, as I look back to see where I fell short, said the wrong thing or failed to say the right thing, or made any number of other wrong choices, I realized I was doing exactly what my abuser did to me 46 years ago. I was blaming myself for the calculated exploitation by a person who had power over me.

The parallels between what we just went through and the message we were attempting to get through to lawmakers and the public amaze me. I see how deliberately we were "groomed" by skilled manipulators: powerful men accustomed to getting their way.

It began for me when Gov. Andrew Cuomo put the CVA in his agenda for 2017. From that point on, I more or less belonged to him. This was a breakthrough for our cause in New York, and we dared not upset him lest he take his approval away. This may have even led to some tension in our ranks near the end, when he had not made good on that initial "promise." It reminds me of why I did not confront my abuser for so long.

Senate Majority Leader John Flanagan never bothered putting on sheep's clothing like the governor did. It was Flanagan's abject refusal to let the CVA be voted on (even though there were enough votes to pass it) that finally killed it.

Disregarding the wishes of those whose welfare is in your hands and endangering that welfare is an abuse of power. Again, I'm taken back to my own abuser's power over me and how he used it to his own advantage.

Predators may seem to act alone, but society is complicit in maintaining a culture that enables them to get away with their abuses. Flanagan could not have pulled this off without enablers of his own. And Cuomo was one of them, stringing us along, not releasing his program bill until nearly the last moment, giving us a shot of hope and then almost immediately snatching it away by declaring he had little hope to get it passed. Each enabled the other to do nothing.

I am not saying Cuomo and Flanagan are child-abusers themselves; nothing of the sort. I'm merely pointing out how our society tends to prey on the helpless and vulnerable and then proceed to hold that against them. I feel violated by what went on throughout this legislative session, as I'm sure my fellow survivors and advocates do as well.

Yet it also gives me a counterintuitive sense of strength. This time I can't be silenced. This time I'm not alone. This time I can and will fight back. Abusers are, basically, bullies, and they count on us being victims, not survivors.