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Ten from ’14 pt 1

This year has been such a roller coaster of events and changes that I feel like 2014 will always hold a special foothold in my heart. This year had three stages: leaving, looking, and finding which I have been able to gather pieces of wisdom from. It began with leaving the most familiar system in my life (and I assume in most of my batchmates’ lives)– schooling. I graduated college with a BA majoring in Communication. I then looked for two things: adventure which presented itself in a trip to Indonesia with my best friend (the first trip I took without my family) and the road to a new chapter in my life. This new chapter came in the hues of purple and blue; alternatively, a media agency called Mindshare. Lastly, I lived out my six months under the workforce learning, failing, and understanding the workings around branding and media placements.

Here are a few lessons (and a few 2015 goals) that I have learned from my year of 2014.

1. For a better life, one must exercise a healthier life. I start with this because I admittedly have the worst health habits any person could have– I binge eat and skip meals, I don’t give myself enough time to rest, and so many others that I feel I could improve on. By ‘exercising a healthier life’, I don’t necessarily limit it to practicing a healthier diet and exercising but rather including a self-consciousness of the other parts of my body that I need to take better care of. For example, I have been abusing my eyes and with a 9 to 5 job that requires me to look at a screen for hours on end I don’t help it by last minute Instagram stalking before bed (in the dark no less). In fact, six months before my job I had a 30-20 vision which was horrifying as it was, but now I have 50-50 vision (CAN YOU IMAGINE THE TERROR). I want a healthier Sonya for 2015 🙂

Other than physical health, I also want to be healthy mentally which brings us to number 2.

2. It’s okay to not be okay (and for things to not be okay). The biggest struggle I have always faced was taking control of my demons. Coming from a very toxic and traumatizing past, I found voices and overwhelming emotions that terrorize me even on normal days (especially on normal days). I think I can proudly say that this year I have found days or weeks when my demons were quiet and I was really happy. Being in the light felt so good and I never thought I would be able to feel that way in my whole life. Experiencing that made me fight even harder on bad days, search for hope and love on crippling days, and work for it on empty days.

But even when that happened, there were still days that didn’t seem to cut it. Although I tried my best, my demons would outshout me and take over– days when I couldn’t seem to fight or even stay afloat.

And on those days, forgive. When you can’t be your best self or ‘fight the good fight’, it’s okay. Those days are not evidence that you’re weak or worthless, those days are a reminder of how we are not perfect, how we are human and how we can’t always control the environment around us. Forgive yourself and give time to not be okay.

3. Learn to love yourself. There is a Youtube video of an interview Anne Hathaway had with Ellen deGeneres which really resonated with me. In the video, she expressed how she had not learned to love herself previously and was then fragile to the noise of other’s opinions on her. She then took a turn for the better and started her journey of loving herself more.

For me, removing negativity is the first step. Pure and simple but the hardest to do and for a good reason. We are constantly surrounded by negativity in all forms and most of the time we are asked, if not required, to interact with them. Although a few of those are unavoidable, you can choose to detach yourself from those that can be avoided. Over the years, I kept feeding myself negative energy and surrounded myself with negative people and thoughts without even thinking of how it would affect me! It took my office mate to say the most obvious thing which was that you have the control. Although you may not believe that (I certainly didn’t for a time), trust that you do and if you don’t learn to control what you can then you will always be playing into the hands of other people.

4. Be more kind. More than being kind to myself, I want to be even kinder to those around me not only through actions but through thoughts. Your thoughts about someone else heavily influence how you perceive and act towards them sometimes without even knowing the person or their side. To add, it brings you down as well and as I said we have to start removing negativity.

5. It is inevitable for people to leave as you grow older. This year I have come in to terms with a dear friend ‘leaving’ and friends becoming strangers. As much as I tried to reach out, nothing fruitful came from it and from then on we grew even more apart. As painful as the thought sounds, it does happen. Friends stop having the same interests, they fall out, they stop talking, they drop out of your life without a warning and as painful as it may be that is okay.

Remember this: any relationship is a two-way street. No matter how much you reach out to the other person, they still have to care enough to put effort into whatever you may have. I’m not saying it comes in the form of a grand gesture but it does have to be a give and take.

Cutting people out of your life, although heart piercing, can serve as a cleanse. There are chapters of our lives that we grow out of and sometimes the people living in the chapters follow suit but it doesn’t have to be sad. Truth is, the person and the memories that come along with them will always be there.