Right, I want to write a fanfic, but don't want to start until I am confident in my skills as a write. So, I'm going to post this with a couple of updates that will show the progression of the battle. I want your opinions, a) telling me whether I should even bother writing this one, let alone writing another, or b) if I should start writing the other one this very second!

So, here goes! Be gentle, but honest.

Part 1 - Cool Arrogance, Burning Flame wrote:

Red took in his surroundings quickly. Though the room was a deep red, great flaming torches lit the arena. Metal spikes surfaced, creating a battle stage, with a caped man at one end, and Red at the other.

“Welcome to the last challenge of the Elite Four,” the man said. Red smiled, coolly. “You may call me Lance. I am a trainer of the mythical power of Dragons, those who are virtually indestructible. Do you truly consider yourself strong enough to defeat me?” he asked, as he ran a hand through his spiked red hair.

Red detached a Poke Ball from his belt. “I wouldn’t have made it this far in the League if I hadn’t been confident in my skills.”

Lance grinned, and took a Ball from within the inner folds of his cape. “Spoken like a true trainer. Bring me your best! We will battle with all six of our Pokemon!”

This was it, thought Red. I have come so far since I chose my starter Pokemon with Professor Oak. Now, I will prove to the world that I have got what it takes to become the Pokemon Champion!

Lance threw his Poke Ball high into the air. “Dragonair! Come out!” A large, mystic blue snake-like creature appeared. It’s cry was a high sorrowful note, but it held in its pose all the power that Lance had described.

“Go!” cried Red, and sent out his Pokemon. A great, four legged beast appeared, and roared. It shook its fur, sending a flurry of embers scattering in all directions. “Arcanine, do me proud.”

Lance arched an eyebrow. “A fire type against my dragon? How foolish. But then again, how could you hope to use types to defeat me? It takes skill!” He stepped forward, and dramatically called out to his Pokemon. “Dragonair! Start off with Dragon Rage!”

An orb of fire gathered at the tip of Dragonair’s horn, and grew large. It fired the attack, but Red ordered his Pokemon to evade. “Arcanine, dodge the attack, and use Flamethrower!”

Leaping gracefully out of the way, the Fire type avoided damage, and blasted a great plume of fire at Dragonair.

“Meet it with Water Pulse!” yelled Lance. The two attacks collided as Dragonair sent forth a great burst of water. An explosion followed, and when the dust cleared, both Pokemon glared at one another, panting from the heavy fight.

“Okay Dragonair, go with Safeguard!” A faint mist surrounded the beautiful Pokemon, and Red frowned. Surely he knew that Arcanine did not naturally know any status inflicting moves…

Regardless, he ordered his Pokemon to attack offensively. “Go, use Take Down!” The Fire Pokemon charged towards the dragon, striking it squarely in the chest. It flew backwards, but the attack had also hurt Arcanine. Lance smiled.

”You battle well, Red. But you haven’t seen the true power of Dragons yet! Outrage!”

Fuelled by the pain that it had felt from the previous attack, Dragonair released a powerful blast of fire. Arcanine looked to its trainer for orders, and Red stumbled backward. The attack was beautiful, and yet devastating. A dangerous combination. Highly disarming.

“Uh, Arcanine, use Extremespeed! Try and dodge the attack!” But Red’s hesitation had cost him. Confused, Arcanine darted towards the fire, and took the full force of the attack. It was thrown back, and Red recalled it before it hit the ground.

Lance laughed aloud. “Your confidence clearly isn’t quite at the optimum point that you thought it was, challenger.”

Red brushed the comment off and threw out his next Pokemon. It revealed a large purple Pokemon with a gargantuan flower on its head. It lifted the big petal from its eye line and grinned at the opponent. “Vileplume! Go with Razor Leaf!” It nodded and unleashed a flurry of leaves that darted toward Dragonair.

”Counter with Flamethrower!” ordered Lance. The fire attack incinerated the grass attack, but Dragonair was tiring. It must be Outrage, deduced Red. If it’s confused…”Vileplume! Use Toxic!” A purple vapor erupted from the top of the flower, and drifted toward the dragon.

”Wasted move!” exulted Lance. “Safeguard will activate, leaving Dragonair with a free turn! Hyper Beam!” True to his word, the vapor was repelled by the white mist that had been hanging about the Dragon. With Vileplume recharging, Dragonair fired a great beam of white and yellow energy.

“Synthesis!” yelled Red, just as the attack hit. Using the light from the powerful attack, Vileplume sustained minor damage by revering with Synthesis. Red let out a sigh of relief. Dragonair slumped forward, weary of the attack.

“Very good,” he said. “But you will have trouble with this one!” He threw a Poke ball and out erupted an equally large grey Pokemon. Red jumped back to his position in the arena, and Vileplume once more took up an offensive stance. It was an Aerodactyl, and it screeched at the grass type. “Use Aerial Ace!” It launched itself from the ground, flapped twice, and then fell into a death defying dive toward Vileplume…

The only thing I guess should be changed, though, is that you might start another paragraph after everyone speaks, for there would not be nessesary to have two or more dialogues (from different people) in the same line, I learnt this, and I keep it in practice.

Other than that, descriptions are quite decent, attacks and mechanics are logical (as opposed to the anime) and the action doesn´t stop whatsoever.

My rating?

9.4/10

Keep up the good work.

_________________

AABM's

"Team Seekers"

"I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM.

· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?

Sat Mar 24, 2007 4:00 pm

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

This is an awesomely sweet story, but, coming from someone like you, I'm not surprised in the least! I wish earnestly to see this story continued.
My rating is 4.9/5!

Thanks for all your feed back people, and I have taken what you said into consideration, about paras (the english term, not the mushroom Pokemon, ) and where they are positioned.

Here's the next part, I hope it lives up to expectations!

Part 2 - White Rage wrote:

“Crush it, Aerodactyl!” yelled Lance, as the great beast darted toward Vileplume. Without waiting for its trainer’s intervention, the Grass Pokemon jumped left, and sustained minor damage from what it may have felt had it stayed where it was.

“Come on Vileplume! Use Petal Dance!” It pulled itself to its feet, and then started to shake its head. A flurry of pink petals erupted from the gaping hole on its head, and then ripped through the air toward Aerodactyl.

Lance’s eyes narrowed; the attack would be quite powerful. “Aerodactyl, counter it with Whirlwind!” With great effort, the large Pokemon pounded its leathery wings, and created a powerful force of wind. It acted as a sort of barrier that repelled the Petal Dance attack. For the first time since Dragonair’s defeat, Lance donned his arrogant smile. “It would appear that your Pokemon isn’t quite as powerful as mine after all, Red,” he boasted.

Red shook his head. “You just haven’t given me chance to show you just how strong I am! Vileplume! Use Stun Spore, followed up with Take Down!” The grass type revealed a great burst of yellow powder and ever Red himself could smell and taste its power. It was like inhaling glass.

With a cry from Vileplume, the attack was launched towards Aerodactyl. It followed the attack, and Red could see a faint aura surrounding his Pokemon. It was at its limit.

Apparently, Lance noticed this too.

“Hyper Beam!” Aerodactyl opened its mouth, and fired a powerful blast at the Pokemon. The attack was so potent with energy, that the Stun Spore was set alight, and with an explosion, Vileplume was thrown high into the air. It landed with a soft thud, it’s round body failing to effectively cushion the blow. Red recalled his fainted Pokemon and looked up at his opponent.

“Lance, I want to enjoy and remember this battle. To do both, I need to win.” Red released his next Pokemon, Alakazam. “Do you see that? If I don’t win, I cannot look back at this day with a sound mind. Now, use Psybeam Alakazam!”

Lance smirked as his Aerodactyl looped effortlessly over and around the attacks. “As do I Red, but we can’t both win. Aerodactyl, use Stone Edge!”

Red hadn’t heard of this attack, and didn’t know how to avoid it. Lance was not only strong, but well versed in Pokemon attacks and typage. “Alakazam, Teleport!” Knowing that this was a move that always seemed to come in handy, Red had abstained from teaching Alakazam the stronger of attacks, and the Psychic type vanished from the stadium. Aerodactyl slammed hard into the ground.

”Aerodactyl!” Lance yelled. He went to recall his Pokemon, but it stood up before he could reach for his Pokeball. “Good,” he congratulated as Alakazam reappeared, just to the side of his fallen Pokemon. “Now, use Screech!” Aerodactyl opened its wings wide and let loose a grating sound that caused Red to cover his ears. His Pokemon followed suit, and in doing so, dropped his spoons. With a triumphant cry, Aerodactyl brought its head down hard, crushing the first, and then snapping the other in half with its teeth.

For a moment, there was silence. A shadow of victory flashed over Lance’s face, but it was just that: a shadow. In an instant, Alakazam teleported behind Aerodactyl, and put its hands in the air. Following his Pokemon’s outburst, Red ordered a Psybeam. A colourful ball of energy appeared, and was fired at Aerodactyl. Before the Pokemon could fall over though, the Psychic type teleported again, and delivered another powerful Psybeam. This one sent it rocketing high into the air, and Alakazam psychically flew up to follow it.

Lance, however, had recovered from the shock of Alakazam’s new found powers. “Aerodactyl, use Wing Attack!” The Flying type righted itself in the air and took a swipe at Alakazam. A blue orb suddenly flashed around Alakazam and blocked the attack, before vanishing again. The impact sent Alakazam flying back a little, but it had sustained no damage. Instead, it hovered ominously.

“Hyper Beam!” called Lance. “Finish it off!” The familiar attack was fired, and the beam threatened to incinerate Alakazam.

Red took a step forward, neck bent back to watch the battle. “Alakazam, Psychic!” he yelled. As the beam was about to hit, Alakazam held both hands out in front, and the attack acted like water hitting glass. It kept on coming, but splayed out in all directions, until Alakazam cried out, opened its eyes, and revealed the white rage that glowed from within. The beam reflected in upon itself and hit Aerodactyl. However, Red had not fallen into awe as he had done so before Alakazam had unleashed its power. Instead, he called out for another move.

”Alakazam, use Teleport, followed by your own Hyper Beam!” Alakazam vanished and then reappeared just above the injured Aerodactyl. It powered up pure white energy, and, at the moment when the attack was fired, charged it with purple sparks, evidently its own Psychic powers. The attack propelled Aerodactyl down, and it hit the ground with such force that the impact had driven Aerodactyl into the stadium, causing great ripples in the hard concrete.

Suppressing a loud sigh, Lance recalled Aerodactyl and looked at the ball, disappointed. Then he looked back up at the challenger. “Well done, Red,” he said, with thick sarcasm. “You managed to defeat my Pokemon with little intervention from yourself.” He arched an eyebrow and continued. “Your skills don’t fail to impress me,” he elaborated, with a slight laugh at his own sarcasm.

Alakazam landed on the ground, and held up its arms again. Red glanced down at his Pokemon, before replying. “In which case, let me prove to you, Lance, that I do have what it takes to become to be Champion.” With a cry from Alakazam, a flash of light appeared above the stadium. It descended, and then halved itself, each shining sphere falling into Alakazam’s outstretched hands. Another blinding flash revealed what the objects had been:

Alakazam’s spoons.

Lance threw the next Poke Ball, out of frustration at the Pokemon’s main weapons being returned. The white light of the Pokemon appeared, and began to take shape. Then it began to grow, and then more so, until the light faded, revealing a monster of a Pokemon, towering above Alakazam.
“Gyarados,” Lance informed Red with an arrogant smirk. “Let’s see you win now.”

Feedback again, peeps.

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Tue Mar 27, 2007 11:32 am

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

Uber-sweet, this was even better than the last. Alakazam vanishing as Lance advances, then reappearing strong as ever blasting out powerful attacks. Although I do have to say "Poor Vileplume...", I still love the story.

Thank you very much! And yeah, I feel like such a nasty person for knocking out Vileplume...I might go and train one to make up for it.

EDIT: Here we go, Part Three!

Part 3 - The Wrath of Poseidon wrote:

Part 3:

Without waiting for its masters command, the Gyarados fired off a powerful round of water blasts. Alakazam took the initiative to teleport out of the way of each one, and Red marveled at his Pokemon’s quick thinking.

”Okay, Alakazam, use Calm Mind!” Alakazam stopped, and hovered in the air. It closed its eyes, and a soft purple aura outlined its body.

“Go Gyarados! Hydro Pump!” Lance was annoyed that his Pokemon had acted against his command, but didn’t want Red to notice. That, however, was too late.

As the attack sped towards Alakazam, the purple aura surrounded the water, and it suddenly bent, and was fired back at Gyarados. The water Pokemon roared, and was thrown backwards. It hit the ground, and Lance went to run to his Pokemon.

”Gyarados!” he called. “Get up! Fight back! Use Dragon Rage!” With a furious roar, the water type lifted its bulk from the ground and launched a powerful blast of fire at Alakazam. The burning meteor struck it squarely in the chest, and Alakazam fell, smashing into the floor, back first.

“No!” cried Red. He held out the Poke Ball, ready to recall his Pokemon, but then he stopped. Alakazam might have enough energy inside him to keep on battling, he thought. If I can give him time just to-

“Again!” came Lance’s cry, and another blast pounded Alakazam harder into the concrete.

”Return!” called Red. How could he have done that? Alakazam had obviously fainted, and yet Red left him out unnecessarily longer, and had damaged him further… He reattached the ball to his belt, and took out another. “It looks like I’ll have to defeat a Water type with…” he threw the ball into the arena. “Another water type!”

The Pokemon that emerged was a blue, muscular looking thing. It stretched, and then assumed a fighting stance. Red was quick to order an attack. “Poliwrath, use Mega Punch!” Before Lance, or even Gyarados, could react, Poliwrath leapt into the air, span round, and smashed the opposing water type around the face. The impact forced Gyarados to lose its balance, and it found itself on the floor of the arena once again. “Follow up with Hydro Pump!” ordered Red. Poliwrath, having gained altitude from the force of the attack, released a powerful jet from its spiral. Gyarados went to get up, but was forced back down by the attack.

“Red, you seem to have confused our Pokemon,” Lance said through gritted teeth. “It is yours that should be driven into earth, pounded like dust, not mine! Gyarados! Hyper Beam!”

Red knew the attack was coming, as Lance had made heavy use of it throughout the match. Poliwrath landed just as the attack was fired. “Meet it with your own!” Red called, and the explosion as the two attacks collided caused a great shockwave that even made Lance and Red find a more suitable footing in the arena.

As the glare receded, the two trainers saw that both Pokemon still stood. This would be a difficult fight. The two trainers stared eye to eye, as their Pokemon awaited their next attack.

“Use Ice Beam!” called Red. Poliwrath held its hands close together, before forming a cold blue orb between them.

Lance was quick to counter. “Dragon Rage!” As Poliwrath fired the orb in the shape of a beam, the sea serpent shot its flaming ball of fire. The two attacks merged, and cancelled one another, before setting off another explosion.

This time, however, Red allowed no dramatic interval. “Now go with Sky Uppercut!” Nodding, the Poliwrath began running toward the water type.

“Counter with Hydro Pump!” Lance ordered. As with Alakazam, Gyarados began firing off rounds of water at the opposing Pokemon, but Poliwrath artfully dodged them, before leaping high up into the air.

Red grinned triumphantly as the attack hit Gyarados on its lower jaw. The Pokemon was sent straight up, and Red wasted no time in ordering the next attack. “Seismic Toss, Poliwrath!” he yelled. Poliwrath followed the now-airborne Gyarados, and leapt high into the air. As Gyarados lost momentum, Poliwrath caught up, grabbed its tail, and then used all of its strength to hurl Gyarados earthward.

”Gyarados!” cried Lance, as his Pokemon plummeted to the ground. Its terrified roar was cut short as it landed, somewhat heavily.

Lance recalled his fainted Pokemon, and quickly threw out another. His upper lip twitched, as he called out the name of his next Pokemon. “Kangaskhan! Go!”

Red noticed that the monster like Pokemon had no baby in its pouch. Instead, it had something else, a little bulge that fell too deep inside the pocket for Red to clearly identify. However, such analysis would have to wait, and he ordered his Pokemon to attack. “Poliwrath! Show Lance that power comes from the heart! Return!” His Pokemon tore across the arena towards Lance’s Kangaskhan, only to be met with an outstretched fist.

Poliwrath hit the ground, hard. “That,” Lance smirked, “is what happens to those who rush into battle.” He grinned. “Now, use Body Slam!” His Kangaskhan nodded, as the large Pokemon threw all of its weight downwards, right on top of Poliwrath.

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Last edited by The Obsidian Wolf on Fri Mar 30, 2007 5:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Thu Mar 29, 2007 2:12 pm

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

Oh yeah, rockin', even better than the last episode. Nice chapter title also - "The Wrath of Poseidon" (that's how it's spelt, but it's a hard word, so...). Although Alakazam fainted (Dang! I though Gyarados would get owned by an Alakazam...), I guess it was inevitable to see more of Red's tactics for his Pokemon. It seems to be a tit-for-tat, yet seat-grippingly tense battle. Makes me wonder what's inside Kangaskhan's pouch.

Sorry about the lack of updatingness, I've actually been having a life! *shock.*

Chapter 4: Beauty and the Beast wrote:

Red flinched as the Normal type Pokemon pounded Poliwrath into the ground. Kangaskhan stood up, before grabbing hold of Poliwrath’s leg and pivoting, throwing the Pokemon against the wall on the far side of the arena.

“Follow it up with Hyper Beam!” Lance called.

”Dodge it!” Red yelled, and with much effort, Poliwrath dived out of the way of the powerful beam. “Now use Water Gun!” A stream of water split the air as it hissed towards Kangaskhan.

“Counter with Flamethrower!” Lance ordered. Red grinned at his opponent’s stupidity. The water would easily cut through the fire, but as the attacks collided, the burning attack evaporated the water, and threw Poliwrath back. “Finish it with Hyper Beam,” called Lance, before Red had chance to recover from what he had seen. The attack threw Poliwrath into the air, and Red recalled the Pokemon quickly.

His signature attack is always Hyper Beam…Red thought. Perhaps I could take advantage of this…

“So, we finally get to see the first Pokemon you received from Oak then,” Lance smirked. “You wouldn’t believe how many Venusaur, Charizard and Blastoise I have fought in my time Red, and in doing so, I have become somewhat legendary in my techniques to defeat them. Kangaskhan! Go with another Flamethrower!”

Thinking it unwise to try and take the fire head on, Red ordered a defensive technique. “Venusaur, Light Screen, now!” An invisible barrier stopped the fire dead, and the stream vanished. Frowning, Lance ordered another attack.

“Fire Blast!” This attack was faster and much stronger too. The screen held up for just less than a second before it imploded and sent Venusaur reeling backwards. It looked up at its opponent through pained eyes.

How is it that Kangaskhan uses such strong Fire type attacks? Red wondered. But he had little time to ponder the question, as Lance followed up with another order.

“Use Take Down!” Red called. The two Pokemon collided, and sent one another flying back. Kangaskhan quickly righted itself before it hit the ground, but Venusaur fell heavily, and skidded across the arena floor.

”Venusaur!” Red called, and went to run over to it. But Venusaur was already using its vines to right itself again. It roared once more, a signal to Red that it was still willing to fight. “Good work!” Red called, before ordering the next attack.

“Go with Solar Beam!” Red ordered. An unearthly light filled the arena, and Lance’ speech became fast all of a sudden.

“Quickly Kangaskhan, use Protect!” Venusaur unleashed a powerful, pure white beam, that blinded even Red. The Protect deflected the attack, and the beam struck the roof, causing a resounding crack, as plaster and dust fell about Lance’s side of the arena.

Lance ran his hands threw his head in disbelief. “What the…?”

But Red hadn’t finished. Smirking at the destruction he had caused, he ordered his next attack. “Venusaur, use Razor Leaf on the roof!” A flurry of sharp leaves sliced through the already broken roof, and cracks began forming about the rest of the ceiling, though now, they had extended to Red’s side of the arena. Red was speechless. Lance, on the other hand, uttered only two words.

“Oh crap.”

The entirety of the roof came crashing down about the combatants. Venusaur swung its vines about, catching and using rocks to deflect others. Kangaskhan formed a protective shield around the shocked Lance and herself. As the last bits of rubble peeled off the edges of the gaping hole in the roof, Red clambered on top of the new floor that had once been the ceiling.

“What the hell have you done to my Stadium?!” Lance hissed through gritted teeth. He and Kangaskhan stood on a jutting piece of ceiling, glaring at their opponents. “If you think we can continue this match, you are very mistaken,” he said.

“I disagree.” Red said. “You are bound by the League rules to complete each challenge, unless the challenger, or yourself, gives in. Do you give in, Lance? Do you want me to win?” Red smiled to himself. This was working out perfectly.

Lance was silent for a moment.

“Never,” he finally said. “We’ll take this battle to the roof.” Climbing onto Kangaskhan’s back, Lance and his Pokemon leapt through the hole on the roof, and outside. Red followed, sitting on Venusaur’s flower. The grass type hauled itself into the air using its vines, before breaking into the fresh air of the night. Despite the massive hole that he had created, Red realised that there was much more room up there than he had thought. Between he and Lance was the opening of the roof, and all around them was an expanse of flat, grey ceiling. It was on this that they intended to battle.

“Now, where were we?” Lance said to himself, staring intently at Red. “Ah yes, I was about to murder your Venusaur for destroying my arena. Kangaskhan! Flamethrower!”

Red leapt off Venusaur’s back as he ordered the next attack. “Light Screen again!” The shield appeared as the fire soared over the gap and hit the barrier. Red knew what was next, and ordered his attack before Lance could get a word in. “Sunny Day!”

The moon, high up in the air, suddenly flashed and turned a brilliant yellow, shedding off white light. The effects of the earlier Sunny Day had worn off, and now was the perfect time…

“What are you doing?” Lance asked, smiling for the first time since the destruction of his stadium. “It’s suicide! Kangaskhan, Overheat!”

”Venusaur, take the attack!” Red ordered. He had the perfect plan. Overheat, combined with the sun, would leave Venusaur vunerable, and weak. It was at this point in each of his battles, that Lance ordered a Hyper Beam to finish off his foes. However, with this knowledge, Venusaur would leap out of the way, and Red could take advantage of the sun, and perform a Solar Beam attack while the Hyper Beam would pass harmlessly by.

The attack, however, was far stronger than Red imagined. The diameter of the white hot blast must have been as thick, if not thicker, as Venusaur itself. Venusaur was blasted backwards, and its green body had been charred black in places. There was no way it could get up and fight. Red recalled the Pokemon, with a confused look on his face. “How-“

Lance cut across him. “I’ll tell you what happened,” he smirked. “Kangaskhan’s use of Fire attacks is so strong, because of the item that I attached to her.” At this point, Kangaskhan took out something black from her pouch. “I gave the baby to my cousin in Blackthorn, and replaced it with an item known as “Charcoal.” Combined with the Sunny Day you set up for me, Overheat’s power practically tripled! Consider it payback for the destruction of my roof.”

Red felt more than angry. He had just one more Pokemon left. It was strong, certainly, but it still had to beat Kangaskhan, plus the other two Pokemon that Lance had reserved.

“Lance. This battle has been a pleasure, but I’m afraid it’s gone a little out of hand. Which is why I feel called upon to use my strongest Pokemon! Go!”

Red hurled the poke ball into the air, and the bird Pokemon erupted out of the ball in a great swirl of fire.

For the first time in the battle, Lance actually showed terror on his face. His eyes widened as he said the Pokemon’s name, as if to test that its existence.

“Moltres!”

Yeah, legendary, I know, but I don't care.

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Sat Apr 07, 2007 1:14 am

PokemonTrainer_Alex

Psychic Trainer

Joined: Wed Sep 20, 2006 1:43 pmPosts: 85Location: Indigo Plateau

Wow, Obs! Your story is both captivating and intense, so ill have to give it a 9.8/10. Awesome, its creative and cool. I cant wait for the next chapter, so hurry, man!

Dang, this keeps getting better. I knew back when Kangaskhan used Fire Punch that the item in the pouch was Charcoal. I like it when Lance got all frustrated. "What the hell did you do to my arena?! I'll murder your Venusaur!" LOL XD!
BTW the sentence should go like this, instead of what you wrote:

The Obsidian Wolf's Frustrated Lance wrote:

“I gave the baby to my cousin in Blackthorn (Clair, DNA's personal note), and replaced it with an item known as “Charcoal.” Combined with the Sunny Day you set up for me, Overheat’s power practically tripled! Consider it payback for the destruction of my roof.”

Instead it should be

DNA's So-Called Reprimand wrote:

...and replaced it with an item known as 'Charcoal'. ....

Single quotation marks instead of double (' ' vs. " ").
The ratings don't get much higher, or do they?
5.5/5!
The extreme nature may make them explode...
Moltres, Heh. About time someone pulled a Legend!

Well, here it is. The penultamate episode to this chapter of Red's life. Here goes...

Chapter 5 - The Burning Desire to Win wrote:

Lance shook his head. “How on earth did you-“

Red laughed at his rival’s shock. “Capturing her wasn’t easy at all,” he boasted. “But I managed to overcome her, and she agreed to help me destroy all those I consider my opponents.” At this, Moltres pounded its great wings, and shot an intense burst of fire into the air, as if to demonstrate its power.

Kangaskhan looked nervously at her trainer. “Well, we’ll have to take you out as I have done to your other Pokemon!” Lance said, “Hyper Beam!”

Red didn’t even need to tell Moltres to do anything. A burst of fire met the beam, and overwhelmed it, fire enveloping the white energy, and forcing Kangaskhan back. Moltres screeched again, and flew even higher into the air. “Flamethrower!” Red called. This attack held the same intensity, and this time, Kangaskhan fainted.

Lance looked deeply worried. Though he had two Pokemon, he had to defeat one of the legendary birds to win…”Onix, go!”

The rock snake Pokemon looked defiantly at Moltres, and grinned. Moltres gracefully held itself in the air, still flapping its wings, causing little embers to fall from itself.

”Onix, use Dragonbreath!” Moltres avoided the blue fire that Onix had blasted, and sent out its own fire attack. Despite its legendary status, the attack didn’t seem terribly effective…

“Hm,” Lance said, half smiling. “Rock seems to quell fires, and also puts a stopper to the power of flying types too.” Red realised what he was hinting at. Onix had a quadruple type advantage over Moltres! “Rock Slide!” Lance ordered.

With a roar, Onix launched itself from the roof, and into the gaping hole between Red and Lance. It had soon vanished, burrowing beneath the rubble, and further.

”Charge up a Solarbeam!” Red called. Moltres nodded, landed, and opened its wings, glowing a faint yellow.

“Now!” called Lance. With a grating roar, rocks from below began hurtling toward the Legendary Pokemon, only to met with white blasts of light, incinerating them. Moltres took to the skies, in an effort to avoid the attack, but it was an incessant barrage, and Moltres’ SolarBeam attack was running out of energy…

“Moltres, use Heat wave!” Folding its wings in tightly, Moltres fell from the sky, and into the hole. A split second after, a resounding screech preceded a great explosion of fire, a burning sphere that completely annihilated the rest of the building that they had been standing on. Onix appeared just as Lance was about to hit the ground, catching his trainer with his head, whereas Moltres had already allowed Red to get onto its back.

“There isn’t much left you can destroy of mine,” Lance said angrily, glaring at his opponent.

“True,” Red said, “Though there’s still your Pokemon that I can wipe out! Moltres, Fire Blast!” Lance leapt off Onix, just as the Rock Pokemon launched itself into the ground once again. The entire stadium had gone, and there remained only rubble, and the distant arenas of the weaker of the Elite Four.

Moltres and Red hovered above the wreckage, as Lance looked up at them. However, his expression was one of pure confidence, as he ordered his attack. “Onix! Hyper Beam!”

“Quickly Moltres, evade!” Red’s order was lost though; Moltres didn’t know where the attack would be fired from, as Onix remained underground. All that could be heard was a deep rumbling sound, that was broken as the thick beam smashed through the surface of the earth. Moltres screamed as the Hyper Beam tore through its right wing, and it plummeted to the ground. Red landed on Moltres a split second after Moltres had made contact with the ground. The crown of fire burned dimly, and its eyes were shut tight from the pain.

Red clambered off of his fallen Pokemon, and made his way to its head. It opened a single eye, and made a soft a cawing sound. “Moltres…” Red began, but had no words of comfort he could offer.

“Now Onix! Take Down!” Red toppled backwards as a mound of earth formed under Moltres. The small mountain erupted as Onix burst out, sending Moltres into the air once again. Moltres hit the earth, as Onix vanished for a third time.

“Your power doesn’t always come from your Pokemon,” Lance said, smiling cruelly. “Sometimes, you actually have to put a little effort in yourself,” he continued sarcastically.

“Moltres, get up and use Solar Beam!” red ordered, trying hard not to listen to his opponent’s taunts. But Moltres could barely lift its head, let alone power up enough energy for an attack. Red was on the verge of giving up.

“Onix, Iron Tail!” The rock Pokemon’s tail suddenly spiked through the earth, and swept along the ground, striking Moltres. It soared up into the air once again, but Red didn’t waste time worrying.

”Now, use the momentum! Feather Rest!” Moltres’ broken body unfurled, and as the momentum of the attack began to wear off, Moltres used the height that it had been thrown by turning it into speed. It fell from the air, flexed its wings, and skimmed low to the ground. As it flapped high into the air, a fiery aura began to envelop it, regaining health, restoring energy.

“Now, show me that Solar Beam!” Red called. Wheeling back round, Moltres opened its beak wide, before blasting its powerful attack into the earth. Red stumbled as the force of the attack sent an earthquake shuddering through the destroyed arena. Onix surfaced, looking tired, and worn out. But Red hadn’t finished. “Now use it again! And again!” Two more blasts of energy curved around, to entirely obliterate what little health Onix had. It roared as it collapsed onto the ground, and Lance swore as he recalled his Pokemon.

This truly is it, Red thought, as a not entirely unpleasant feeling drifted through his insides. The last battle, the one that stands between me, and the Championship. This battle decides my fate, and will finally prove to the world that I am worthy of the badges I have fought hard to receive.

He could remember his first gym battle, against Brock. His Bulbasaur had easily disposed of Brock’s Geodude, and Oddish had teamed up with his grassy friend to defeat Misty’s two-on-two challenge against her Starmie and Staryu. He had enjoyed his battle with Lt. Surge, as his powerful Raichu had fallen to his Growlithe’s powerful fiery attacks. Erika and he had waged a terrific match, as Abra evolved during their battle, completing the fight with a decisive Confusion attack from his new Kadabra. Sabrina had been shocked at the skills Red’s Gloom held, despite the disadvantage Red had in typage, whereas Koga had marveled at the intensity of Red’s Pokemon prowess when commanding his Arcanine, Alakazam and Poliwhirl into defeating his poisonous Pokemon. Blaine had taught Red’s Arcanine the Flamethrower as a reward for such an enjoyable battle against his own fire type dog, and Red had a most monumental battle against the Leader of Team Rocket, Giovanni. It was at that time when Red had finally pushed his Pokemon to the limit by evolving his Pokemon with the two stones, Water and Leaf, giving way for his Venusaur, Poliwrath, Vileplume and Alakazam to sweep away the nefarious villain.

And now, he was about to use his newly found Legendary friend to take his childhood dream of championship to the pinnacle of his lifetime.

“Bring it on Lance!” Red yelled. “I can take your Pokemon, I have the power of all of my Pokemon backing me, I cannot be defeated!”

Lance merely shook his head, a knowing smile on his face. “Surely you should know that the Dragon type’s power is near limitless. They are almost indestructible.” He threw the Poke Ball into the rubble, and unveiled his final Pokemon. Dragonite! This one, however, did not have the cute, cuddly face of its family, nor did it have the cool, pale orange of its benevolent nature. This one was black, save for a peacock green that only shimmered when the moonlight caught it at a certain angle. It’s expression was one of pure rage. Lance smirked, as he taunted Red further.

“Your league challenge ends with me, Red.”

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Thu Apr 12, 2007 10:32 am

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

My ratings can't go much higher! This story is fantabulous! (fantasic + fabulous) I have to give this story my highest possible rating: 6/5!!

Moltres (it is at this point the arena is completely destroyed)
Defeated: Kangaskhan by using Flamethrower, and Onix by using Solarbeam (nice)
Defeated by: ??????????

The outcome of the next battle will be decided by the only two Pokemon able to fight: Red's Moltres vs. Lance's Shiny Dragonite. And yeah, I love the line at the end he says in the video games: "Your league challenge ends with me, Red!". Lance must be really angry at Red because so far, he's sworn twice:

"...Red was speechless. Lance, on the other hand, uttered only two words. 'Oh crap.' "

"...It [Onix] roared as it collapsed onto the ground, and Lance swore as he recalled his Pokemon."

Thanks for summing that up, that's really cool! I didn't even plan to have two Pokemon at the end, it just sort of...happened. And I always intended for Lance to use Dragonite, but included the shiny bit as I posted this. It's much better than seeing Dragonite's "Barny face" as Blackwind calls it, I mean, that's not very intimidating, now is it?

And I hope that this final match should be the best part of it all. And I have to say this, but I think that the last line of that last chapter is my best bit of work yet. It actually sent me giggling because I kept imagining it on screen. Sad, I know, but I had always loved that bit in the games. So, now I have immortalised it in an epic battle.

In fact, I think I might try and raise that team, and take on Lance with it. That would be so cool, though he wouldn't use the same Pokemon...

The last chapter might be up tomorrow. And who knows? I might carry on, and have Red traverse Mt. Silver, in search of stronger opponents...?

Thanks Sorcerer, you've been the main backbone of this story's upkeep, and helped me write it in your weird little way. Thankies muchly.

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Thu Apr 12, 2007 11:39 am

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

You're welcome. This story is actually based upon an epic battle and few stories actually have that as the foundation. I mean, my story has a lot of battles in it, but that isn't my basis though. (Can't say how many because it would ruin the ending.) This story is actually a very creative work of art, if you will.

Heh heh..."Barney face"...That is a good rendition of it. I mean, Dragonite is a kickass dragon and has a face to make anyone want to cuddle it. Back in the days of RBY Dragonite's sprite was one expressing true power. Now we have a...well, you know. But this Dragonite you mention is awesome..it's shiny, immensely strong (presumably), and has a face frozen into a kind of scowl. It's hard to say ahead of time who will actually win, and how.
(Weird little way, I love that! Ha Ha!)

...hm, this one is sharp. Good point ETrainer, but I always thought that battling Gary was annoying. I mean, it's the Elite Four, not the Elite Four PLus One. I never liked having to battle Gary anyway, that and I wanted Red to battle Lance, rather than Blue. I had an idea for Lance's character and wanted to write a fanfic accordingly.

Regardless, here is the last chapter:

Chapter Six: Stones in my Pockets wrote:

No way…thought Red. Can Moltres make it…? As if reading his mind, Moltres turned to its trainer and thrust its head back, screeching, before blasting fire into the night air.

“So Red, what do you think of my powerhouse?” Lance smirked. “Unluckily for you, I trained Dragonite in a very specific manner. Watch. Rain Dance!”

Dragonite roared and took to the skies. Despite having such small wings, it moved incredibly quickly, and it began shining a midnight blue. Clouds billowed above the sky, and flashes of lightning foreshadowed thunderous booms.

Moltres seemed not to care. It still stared the dragon in the face, and the fire on its crown seemed to burn even stronger.

“Dragonite! Water Pulse!” Dragonite stopped its erratic path through the air, and a great orb of water formed at its mouth. With a cry, the stream blasted its way towards Moltres, and it hit the fire type, squarely in the middle of the chest. Moltres screamed as it fell back down to the ground, and Lance followed it up with another attack.

“Dragonite, use Thunderbolt!” Another roar called the lightning down, and it crackled about Dragonite. Focusing tightly, the Dragon Pokemon unleashed the stored up electricity, and fired it down upon the fire Pokemon. Moltres screamed again.

“No!” called Red. He was losing, and so easily too… “Moltres! Use Roost! Follow up with Wing attack!”

Lance laughed. “Mirror the attacks!” The two Pokemon darted around one another, as they restored health, before taking it away again by striking at each other with talons and wings. The battle was savage, and Red realised that he was fearing for his Pokemon’s safety. No trainer should be put in that position, Red thought. This final battle, it wasn’t enjoyable. Each blow that Dragonite landed, Red flinched for Moltres. Each time Moltres managed to tear at Dragonite’s dark flesh, Red couldn’t help but feel a cruel sense of satisfaction.

This wasn’t how it was meant to be.

“Full power! Thunder!” Lance’s eyes widened manically as he ordered his attack. Just as the lightning struck Dragonite, the flying Pokemon threw the energy at Moltres. The legendary bird however, did not fall to the ground as it had done so before. Instead, it braced itself, absorbed the pain, and then propelled itself toward Dragonite.

“Good work!” Red called. “Go with Double Edge!” The force of Moltres hitting Dragonite sent the dragon earth-ward, and the impact made the rubble that was unfortunate enough to be under the Pokemon fly up in the air.

“Counter with Flamethrower!” Red yelled. But the fire was ineffective. Protecting itself with its arm, Dragonite soared through flames, before delivering a powerful punch to the bird. It was sent flying backward, and Lance took the opportunity to further his advantage.

“Dragonite! Dragon Pulse!” A ball of energy formed between Dragonite’s outstretched hands, and grew larger as Dragonite focused intently in the air. Then, with a brilliant purple flash, a great shockwave of energy swept across the arena, distorting everything about it, filling the air with a deep rumbling sound. Moltres hadn’t even hit the floor before it was propelled back once again.

“Come on Moltres!” Red called. “Get up! I need you to win this for me!” Moltres shakily pulled itself up, but found no energy left to fly. “Use Roost!” Red ordered again, but the attack had been used so much, that it no longer had any effect. It was then that Red formulated a plan…

“Bring it Lance!” he suddenly yelled. “If you’re going to win this, end it now! Don’t toy with me, just end this now!” Red hoped he had been convincing. It appeared he had.

“Well then Dragonite, we have our orders! Use Thunder!”

Red could barely contain the grin that flashed across his face. “Rest! Follow up with Double Team!” Moltres closed its eyes just as the attack was fired. The side effect of the attack that would have left Moltres asleep was cancelled out due to the massive noise of Thunder. It had woken Moltres up the instant it had fallen asleep, and now, it was fully restored.

“Go with Double Team!” Red repeated, and the fiery bird soared into the sky. The electric blast missed, and it sent a plume of rocks and rubble into the air. Moltres flew to a level height with Dragonite, and then opened its wings wide. Multiple copies of Moltres appeared, and surrounded Dragonite.

“Flamethrower!” Red ordered. From each one of the copies, a great blast of fire erupted. Dragonite curled into a ball before the attack hit, and as the glare of the attack receded, it shakily took up its fighting stance once again. The attack hadn’t been as powerful as Red anticipated…

With a roar, Dragonite threw out its arms and wings, unleashing a great blue blast. The brightness would have been an attack strong enough to dispose of any Pokemon, but the sheer heat of it foretold of the damage it would inflict.

“Moltres, Heat Wave!” The clones threw out a blast of fire, burning spheres overlapping one another, forming a geometric piece of art, matching the Outrage in both beauty and power.

The two attacks collided and fought for supremacy. Motlres’ eyes were closed, trying to cope with both the power, and the pain of the other attack. Dragonite, on the other hand, had both eyes wide open, a look of bewilderment, but confusion that was not entirely unpleasant. It had found a new power within itself, and was testing its strength against an equally strong opponent.

Then Dragonite’s focus wavered. A split second, that was all it took for the attack to fail, and for Moltres’ attack to sweep Dragonite away. The dragon hung in the air for a moment, all energy drained from it. Then its wings failed, and it fell to the ground.

The clones vanished, and Red looked up at his weary Moltres. It was tired, and probably had energy for one last attack. Here goes, he thought. Everything I have been through on my journey, it’s all been in the name of this final move. He took a breath, and called out the attack.

“Moltres! Hyper – “

Red fell to the ground, his speech cut short. It was as if he had been struck over the head with a heavy object. He lay on the rubble, and went to get up, but found that he was paralysed, unable to move.

What…?

Red struggled mentally. There was a voice inside his head, in his mind. It was not his own. It was a hollow laugh, dark, menacing. The voice just laughed in his mind, and though it spoke no words, Red was gripped with a fear that he had never felt before. He tried to surface, to wake up, but was held down. The voice continued laughing, before a great light opened inside his head.

The effect was as if he was flying. Red was high above the demolished stadium, looking down. Dragonite lay on the floor, with Moltres looking at its trainer for help. That was when Red noticed himself. He was flinching, laying on the floor, seemingly possessed. Lance had not noticed, and merely took the opportunity to order his final attack.

”Dragonite! Hyper Beam!” The dragon powered the blast into the air, and Red, both the one on the floor, and the one in the air, watching the battle, flinched, as the blast tore through Moltres. A great gash had appeared through Moltres’ wing, and it collapsed to the ground. Red screamed in his mind, but Lance could not hear him. The laughter grew louder, and though it was silent, Red wanted to cover his ears. At the point when he thought his mind would explode, the being released Red from its grip, and the young trainer pulled himself back to consciousness.

Lance glanced over at the fallen boy, a bemused look on his face. He went to remark on how easy the battle had been, but stopped at the look on the young trainer’s face.

“Moltres!” Red cried as he ran over to the fallen Pokemon. Before he could get there though, the fire Pokemon stood and pulled itself into the air. Red stopped, a little distance away. He looked up at his Pokemon through blurred eyes, the tears obscuring his sight.

Moltres stared down at Red, and in that single gaze, Red knew that Moltres was leaving. Red had failed as a trainer, and the look in Moltres’ eye told him that a Legendary Pokemon such as itself could never form a partnership with a human that would leave it alone as he had done.

Red choked back the tears, and tried to speak, but only a whisper came out.

“Please stay.”

There was a flash of fire, and Moltres vanished. A few sparkling embers fell, amongst them, a single red feather. Red caught it, and felt its burning warmth. He looped it into his jacket before turning to Lance.

”Why didn’t you stop?!” He demanded. Lance frowned. “You could see something was wrong, you could see!!”

Lance shook his head. “I don’t know what you-“ Red cut him off.

“The match, it has to be replayed!” Red said, holding back the tears. “It doesn’t count, it can’t do, something- something took control of me, I can’t have lost!” Red sat on the rubble, balling up his hands so hard that he feared he may make his palms bleed.

Lance shook his head. “I’m afraid that’s it Red.” He spoke coldly. “You have challenged me, and lost. You must restart your challenge from the beginning if you wish to have a rematch.”

Red stood up again. “Something got hold of me during our battle Lance, I was just about to win.” Red’s speech was now nothing more than a furious whisper. “I don’t know what it was, but it stopped me from crushing you like I should have done.” Red could barely control himself. The fact he had lost the battle, though crushing, wasn’t what had upset him the most. Moltres had left him, abandoned him. Moltres had not realised that Red had been having problems, but instead assumed it was his own weakness, and as a legendary Pokemon, could not stay with that kind of trainer. Red found himself wishing that everything would just fade away, and that he had never left Pallet.

The dragon trainer walked over to Red, letting out a heavy sigh as he went. “Red, you can’t make excuses for why you lost.” He stopped, and put his hands on his hips, before donning his arrogant smile once again. “Though it is only natural for one to be in such denial after losing so clumsily to me, and losing your Pokemon.”

Red considered punching him, hard. But if he did that, he would never be able to have another battle with Lance again. He looked into Lance’s conceited eyes for a long time before saying anything.

“I admit defeat.” Red announced. “But not because of my Pokemon’s weakness. I will be back Lance, and I will prove to you that I can defeat you. And next time, I won’t hold back.” He turned, and began to walk away. In his mind, he added one last thought.

Just as I thought, I expected this entire fic to be a success, now I know I was nothing but right, and with this installment, my friend, you have done it.

I congratulate you for such a work, and hope to read even more of this in the near future.

*applaudes again*

_________________

AABM's

"Team Seekers"

"I'm perhaps the least typical Ledian user you'll ever get to see in the whole OU" - AABM.

· Say, Orange looks better than gray, doesn't it?

Last edited by AABM on Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:40 pm

The Obsidian Wolf

Pokemon Master

Joined: Wed Sep 27, 2006 12:03 amPosts: 1559Location: Dragon's Den

Thanks muchly! I am thinking of writing a sequel to it, with actual description, as opposed to pure battling. I have four chapters already planned in my mind, but am having trouble from there...

Yeah, I didn't want Red to win because:

a) It would be too obvious. I mean, you all 'knew' that Lance would lose, and Red would become Champion/fight Gary.

2. I had some good ideas for a story, and I had already provided the main frame of a character with Red.

I hope that in my sequel, I will get to develop his character further.

And thanks for the feeback everyone!

_________________

"Play with fire and expect to be burned."

Sun Apr 15, 2007 12:46 pm

DNA

Trivia Champion

Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2007 5:37 pmPosts: 3170Location: clegavel

The Obsidian Wolf wrote:

Thanks muchly! I am thinking of writing a sequel to it, with actual description, as opposed to pure battling. I have four chapters already planned in my mind, but am having trouble from there...

Yeah, I didn't want Red to win because:

a) It would be too obvious. I mean, you all 'knew' that Lance would lose, and Red would become Champion/fight Gary.

2. I had some good ideas for a story, and I had already provided the main frame of a character with Red.

I hope that in my sequel, I will get to develop his character further.

And thanks for the feeback everyone!

My goodness, that was incredible. I felt myself about to cry as I read this (and while I'm writing this). That was the most amazing, yet emotional, thing I have ever read... You do have a point that him winning against Lance would be way too obvious. I thought he was going to win too...I just wanted to know how. Presumably Red's madness gripped him and then he came to terms within himself, realizing his insane desire and weakness. I have to give this story a --/5. (My friend, there is not one number high enough.)

- DNA

(Moltres female? Hm...I guess they all should have a gender, really.)
(Offtopic - I hate the GSC sprite of Moltres. It looks like a rubber chicken with wings on fire...whosever rendition that was, I like it.)

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