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Judging from the promos for this weekend’s hour, the bickering is only just beginning on Celebrity Apprentice.Photo: Douglas Gorenstein/NBC

Alex Strachan

Published: April 6, 2013 - 2:22 AM

Updated: April 3, 2013 - 2:34 PM

SUNDAY

No one will confuse The Celebrity Apprentice, or Donald Trump for that matter, with all that is good and wonderful about TV — especially on the most crowded, competitive night of the TV week, when some of TV’s finest dramas are bidding for viewers’ attention.

Even so, there’s something exquisite and deliciously ironic about Global TV choosing to pick up Celebrity Apprentice several weeks after it started, and running it opposite The Walking Dead’s season finale one week, and Mad Men’s sixth-season premiere the next.

It’s like the network is saying that if zombies and suave admen from 1960s Madison Ave. don’t quite do it for you, there’s always Mr. Trump to keep you amused. By now, even if you’re one of the few who’ve never seen a minute of The Apprentice, you know that, officially speaking, this is the reality show that, in the formal argot of the TV business and official websites like TV.com, stars Trump “as himself.”

Adding to the irony of Global joining Celebrity Apprentice in progress, the Trump showcase follows the network’s all-animation comedy lineup, which includes The Simpsons and Family Guy.

Dennis Rodman, left, Trace Adkins and Brande Roderick

The Simpsons is worth noting. The two shows share something in common, aside from the obvious — Smithers’s hard-nosed approach to business, and the way The Simpsons and Celebrity Apprentice take a wacky, skewed view of the world, in their own ways.

Last year at this time, The Simpsons and Celebrity Apprentice shared something else: audience numbers. They drew to a dead heat in TV’s ratings duel in the U.S., where they air on competing networks. The Simpsons’ 500th anniversary episode scored the same rating in the coveted 18-49 demographic group as Celebrity Apprentice’s season opener.

As E! Online noted at the time, that was good news for The Simpsons — and bad news for The Apprentice.

It showed The Simpsons can still pull ’em in, even at its advanced age. And it marked the worst start in Celebrity Apprentice’s five-year history.

The numbers have not improved for Apprentice this season, despite the return of former celebrity players in a so-called all-star edition. The returning players are led — in body and spirit, if not exactly in mind — by the inimitable Gary Busey, who makes for terrific TV, if not exactly classic TV.

The Celebrity Apprentice

This weekend’s Celebrity Apprentice marks the midpoint of a 12-episode season. Those viewers who toughed it out from the beginning on NBC will be relieved to know that the program has settled back into its tighter, leaner, more sensible rhythm of hour-long shows. Those stretched, padded, almost bacchanalian two-hour episodes are a fading memory. And about time. Celebrity Apprentice can be fun to watch, but … two hours? Even the multiple Emmy Award-winning Mad Men is taking a gamble with this weekend’s season opener by asking viewers to commit two long hours to one episode.

When the remaining celebutants return, Trump missus Melania challenges the two teams to design an ad campaign to sell her new line of skin care products. Another Trump, son Eric, sits in as boardroom adviser, but all hootenanny breaks loose after one of the remaining celebutants physically prevents the junior Trump from witnessing their planning meeting. Meanwhile, in the other room, the team is in open rebellion against their chosen project leader.

Judging from the promos for this weekend’s hour, the bickering is only just beginning, too, despite Omarosa’s exit last week. Whenever the show threatens to get really nasty, though, or somebody says something truly unconscionable, or Mr. Trump plays the bully pulpit, The Apprentice has a nifty escape clause: It’s all for charity.

The Celebrity Apprentice

As Mr. Trump glowingly noted on last week’s hour, The Apprentice this season has already raised more than $1 million for charity. That’s the largest amount in the shortest amount of time in the history of the biggest show in all of television, brought to you from the biggest boardroom in the tallest building in the best, baddest city on the continent — and, let’s face it, the only city that counts, in the only building that counts, with the only name that counts emblazoned on it in ginormous lettering — just in case the plebes don’t get the brand messaging: TRUMP.

Global’s choosing to join Celebrity Apprentice in progress, by the way, on the very night Mr. Trump sent Omarosa home with the fateful words, “Omarosa, you’re fired!” is coincidence only. No connection is implied, nor should any be inferred. Got that? Good. Now, back to the show. (Sunday, Global, NBC, 10 ET/PT, 8 MT)

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SATURDAY

As stage exits go, the once brassy, Broadway-bound Smash may go into that good night gently after all — quietly, softly and with barely a whisper. If Friday nights are where struggling TV dramas are sent in a last-ditch effort to save them, then Saturday is where they go when their parent network has all but given up.

And that’s where Smash finds itself this weekend, with the 10th of what was supposed to be a 15-episode sophomore season. Two more episodes are confirmed for April 13 and 20. Beyond that is anyone’s guess.

Christian Borle, left, with Liza Minnelli

What looks increasingly likely, though, especially now that Smash has been sentenced to Saturdays, is that when NBC unveils its fall 2013-14 schedule on May 13, Smash will be conspicuous by its absence.

That may or may not be bad news for CTV, which is sticking with Tuesdays for now, albeit not on the main network but on CTV Two.

Either way, it’s a long fall for a show that, when it debuted with a bang in February 2012, looked like the saving grace of prime-time network TV. It was not a cop show, doctor show or lawyer show. It had an attractive, talented cast and a classic fairy-tale premise: Small-town girl tries to make it in the big city, based her on talent, grit, work ethic and sheer determination.

After a couple of weeks, though, it was evident that the show Smash would become was not the show it started out as. Instead of a small-town-girl-makes-good story with the Broadway stage as a teeming backdrop, Smash became a snippy, whiny, mean soap opera — Revenge, but without the fun or audacity. Smash quickly became that most tedious of TV dramas: a crashing bore, populated for the most part with thoroughly unpleasant characters. After it became evident that Katharine McPhee’s Karen Cartwright would be the show’s only sympathetic character, viewers defected in droves, tired perhaps of seeing the one decent person beaten down, terrorized and emotionally abused week after week.

Smash

Smash was embraced by the Broadway community, though — paying jobs are hard to find in a down economy, especially with the price of theatre tickets these days — so if this is to be curtains for Smash, it’s vowed to go out with some big-name guest stars.

In this weekend’s episode, to be repeated Tuesday on CTV Two, Liza Minnelli appears as herself, as theatre director Tom (Christian Borle) prepares a surprise party for his leading lady Ivy (Megan Hilty), in a bid to find the right balance between their work relationship and what’s become a warm friendship.

Liza Minelli

Meanwhile, Karen finds herself at odds, again, with her mercurial director, Derek (Jack Davenport), just as rehearsals are due to end.

In another high-profile guest appearance, Jamey Sheridan appears as Eileen’s (Anjelica Huston) significant other. He wants her to spend less time pulling strings as a Broadway impresario, and more time with him. You can imagine how that one plays out in the end.

Minnelli is a big catch for a prime-time TV drama — the only equal that jumps to mind would be Barbra Streisand — but you can be forgiven for thinking it’s a case of too little, too late.

Smash’s problem was never its guest cast, anyway. It was the who-cares storylines, the mean characters — McPhee’s wide-eyed ingenue aside — aside, and its overall snippiness. Long before the final act, sadly, it was clear that Smash wasn’t that. (Saturday, NBC, 9 ET/PT)