Halloween Special

First, a few words of introduction. The original edition of
my Ranto page happened to include a passing
reference to Hammer Horror movies (as a natural context
for the imperative of the verb “to live”), which I was
surprised to discover attracted a stream of complaints from
Esperantists. What were they being so touchy
about? Well, it didn't take me long to deduce the
HIDEOUS SECRET they were so
desperate to suppress…
[images hyperlinked for the convenience of low‐end browsers]

To avoid any charges that this page presents a somehow jaundiced
view of matters, I suppose I'd better set the record straight by
including some historical footnotes.

It is TRUE that Dr L. L. Zamenhof worked as an
oculist.
The references to him as “a Polish occultist” that I keep running
into are WRONG (besides, he identified not as a Polish Jew
but as a Russian–Litvak adherent of “homaranismo”).

It is TRUE that his middle name was Lazarus –
and furthermore that his death occurred exactly a half‐century
before my birth. (That's right: I was born in 1967 on the
fiftieth anniversary of Zamenhof's death. What's more,
voodoo dictator “Papa Doc” Duvalier was born on that day in 1907,
and Sarah Michelle Gellar on that
day in 1977.)
However it is completely UNTRUE that he vowed to return
from the grave and wreak a dreadful revenge.

It is TRUE that members of the Japanese Oomoto cult worship
Zamenhof as a god.
But the idea that they kidnap monoglots for hideous ritual
sacrifices is BASELESS.

It is TRUE that “Esperanto” was
originally the (pen‐)name of the Doctor, not the name of his
monstrous creation.
However, it is NOT TRUE that he had a hunchbacked
assistant named Ido.

It is TRUE that William Shatner starred in a sixties
horror movie with Esperanto dialogue… oh, and
the killer in “Halloween” wore a Shatner facemask.
But NEITHER of those movies featured his singing
talents. Censors were stricter in those days.

It is TRUE that Father Schleyer, inventor of Volapük, claimed that God
told him to do it.
However, any suggestion that his translation of The Lord's Prayer
began “ash nazg
durbatulûk” is NONSENSE.

It is TRUE that the Esperanto for tomcat is literally
“man‐cat”, and that the best the language has to offer for undead
is “un‐un‐alive”.
But anybody who tells you that the Esperanto for “good morning”
is “bela lugosi” or that “hudu malice vespertilio!” means “what a
warm evening!” is a bare‐faced LIAR.