The morning, the everloving enervating
interminable morning! The mournful
old aborted morning already for the love of Lucifer!

WAITRESS

Ohhhh. That.

WILT

Yes. That.

(Pause.)

WAITRESS

What about it.

WILT

Great Trotsky, woman!

WAITRESS

Who?

WILT

Don’t start with me, you irksome
gall-pocket.

WAITRESS

Fine. I’m finished.

(Washes counter,
ignoring him. Pause.)

WILT (Slowly:)

I want you to tell me what’s so
goddamned good about the rotten godforsaken morning. Got me?

WAITRESS

Got me.

WILT

Yes. I have. Don’t
say things you don’t mean.

(Muttering:)

And always mean things you don’t
say — remember that.

WAITRESS

You’re toasted, sonny.

WILT

Don’t play dumb. This is all I ask.

WAITRESS

(Finished playing
with him:)

I understand, sonny.

WILT

Good. I need a nap, by God.

WAITRESS

And for your information, I didn’t say
“good."I just said: “morning."

WILT

Is that a fact.

WAITRESS

Yes it is.

WILT

In your opinion.

WAITRESS

Yup.

WILT

Well.

(Pause.)

Good.

(Long pause.)

So where the fuck are my Cheerios? !

WAITRESS

Sorry.

WILT

She’s sorry.

WAITRESS

We’re all out.

WILT

You gotta be kiddin.

WAITRESS

How bout some Rice Krispies.

WILT

How bout what? What in the name of the savior are you
trying to do to me, Mother of Satan? !

WAITRESS

Sorry, Pico ate the last of them last
night.

WILT

Last night!

WAITRESS

Yup.

WILT

That man’s a madman.

WAITRESS

We got French toast, pancakes,
hashbrowns, bacon, and eggs any way ya like em, or oatmeal, plain as day. Take your pick.

WILT (Thinking:)

Mmmmm . . . Cheerios.

WAITRESS

Sonny.

WILT

Cut that sonny business out you horned
gopher! What are you, my mother?

WAITRESS

Well sure. I’m your fairy godmother, sonny.

WILT

Grand. Then conjure up some Cheerios for the love of Stalin!

WAITRESS

Sorry, no can do.

WILT

Vicious wart of a woman.

WAITRESS

My wand’s busted.

WILT

Some goddamned god fairy.

WAITRESS

Godmother.

WILT

Godmother. — Cheerios!

(WAITRESS Cleans
counter, ignoring him.)

Now!

(WILT slams fists on
counter repeatedly, throwing a small tantrum.)

WAITRESS (Angry:)

We’ve got French toast, pancakes,
hashbrowns, bacon, eggs —

WILT

To the devil with your damnable eggs!

WAITRESS

Any way you like em, oatmeal plain as
day, and Rice —

WILT

All right! Stop it damn you!

(Pause.)

I’ll take a bourbon.

WAITRESS

On the rocks?

WILT

No! What are you trying to do to me?! Straight up. Tall.

WAITRESS

Double?

WILT

Double tall. Tall as a motherfucking nigger on stilts.

WAITRESS (Glares at him.)

You’re lucky Pico’s not here.

WILT

He’s brown.

(WAITRESS glares at
him.)

What. I meant somebody from Nigeria.

(Muttering:)

Something like that.

WAITRESS (Glares at him.)

You’re just lucky, sonny.

(Pause.)

WILT (Whispering:)

Cheerios.

(WAITRESS stares at
him, then turns, pours bourbon, sets glass roughly down on counter in front of
him; he lifts glass, raises it to her, downs it.)

(Blackout.)

Scene
2

(A room. HARRIET sits [perhaps knitting]; MAX
sits reading.)

HARRIET

Where is that father of mine. . . .

MAX

Have you checked the bars?

HARRIET

Max.

MAX

And the brothels?

HARRIET

Max, don’t say those things.

MAX

Then I have no idea.

(Pause.)

HARRIET

He never wants to come home
anymore. What’s so bad about it
here? We have a happy home. Don’t we?

MAX

It’s a nonstop festival. It’s a carnival, is what it is.

HARRIET

I mean it’s dull, but it’s happy. You’re happy, aren’t you Max?

MAX

Ecstatic. I’m overflowing with mirth.

HARRIET

Don’t be that way. I’m worried. He worries me, that man.

MAX

What’s to be worried about? He’s not gonna be driving home or
anything.

HARRIET

I don’t mean that. I mean, he’s getting up in years, and
he forgets things. He doesn’t know
where he is sometimes. Sometimes I
don’t think he knows who he is. That man’d lose his head if it wasn’t nailed to his neck. I’m just afraid one of these times he’s
going to forget where he lives and just wander off somewhere and get lost. Or forget who he is and walk into some
complete stranger’s home.

MAX

Well, look on the bright side: It won’t be long and we’ll all be
complete strangers to him

MAX
(cont.)

anyway, and he’ll wonder who we are and
why he’s even here and then we can declare him legally incompetent and have
complete control over his estate.

HARRIET

Max, you are truly terrible.

MAX

It’s genetic. I got it from your side I believe.

HARRIET

I’m going to call.

MAX

So call. You think he wants to talk to you?

HARRIET

Well, no, but I’m worried. And he should be worried that I’m
worried, by now.

(Goes to phone. Throughout the following, WILT gestures
desperately to WAITRESS to pour him a drink; as she cleans up bottles and
glasses, he grabs them from her and downs what’s left; becomes thoroughly
entangled in phone cord in the process of following her around.)

Or was it the Salvation Army? One of those places, anyway. Yes I think it was the Salvation
Army. We went there to buy galoshes
and stuffed bears and a wedding dress for your mum and just happened to see you
sitting under an old end table.

HARRIET

Max! . . . Why did
you think you were adopted, honey?

VIRGINIA (Shrugs.)

Cause. . . . Cause
Peter said.

(MAX chuckles.)

HARRIET

Now Virginia. Sweetheart. Remember what we said? Remember what we talked about?

It. Harry It. Just
be glad I didn’t name you “Sardinia,” like Rosaline wanted.

VIRGINIA

And he likes root beer.

WILT

Root beer it is.

HARRIET

Papa . . .

WILT

I’ll pick some up.

(uses this as an
opportunity to head for the door)

VIRGINIA

And Peter said to tell you something.

WILT

Oh?

HARRIET

(Tired, sighing,
rubbing her head:)

What’s that, sweetheart?

VIRGINIA

You’re out of jelly beans.

(HARRIET sighs.)

Scene
5

(The house. Everyone asleep — HARRIET in chair
with knitting in lap; MAX sitting on couch with book on lap, trying to stay
awake; WILT at table with head buried in his folded arms, or asleep next to
MAX. VIRGINIA enters, quietly
approaches HARRIET, whispers:)

(The house. Night. HARRIET walks in, steps on broken glass which she does not
see, shouts in pain, reaches down. A lamp lies broken on floor next to end table. She studies a shard. Looks around. Goes to door
of VIRGINIA’S room. Is about to
knock when she stops, puts ear to door. [VIRGINIA’S voice, muffled, from room. ])

So don’t believe it then. The truth doesn’t care whether you
believe it or not.

MAX

You know what you should do?

HARRIET

I don’t know what to do, I —

MAX

You should get a gun.

WILT

Or a tank.

MAX

I mean, you know. For protection.

HARRIET

Oh, no! I could never.

WILT

(Getting bottle from
bookcase.)

Protection from what?

MAX

Vandals and bastards who terrorize you,
Wilt. That’s from what. Look at this.

HARRIET

But still, a gun, Max?

MAX

Sure. Everybody’s got one.

WILT (To MAX, mockingly:)

Who did it? Can you even tell me that?

HARRIET

I don’t know, I didn’t see anyone.

WILT

Well there you are.

MAX

It doesn’t matter who it was. They should have their hands chopped
off.

HARRIET

Max!

WILT

Did you see anyone?

MAX

No. But they should be shot.

HARRIET

Max! Don’t say these things. I’m surprised at you.

MAX

I’m surprised at this.

(Muttering:)

Actually I’m not.

WILT

So had you had this “gun” you’d have
shot at what exactly.

HARRIET

No! Stop this. No
one’s shooting at anything!

MAX

Shoot into the dark, anyway. Scare the living piss out of em.

WILT

You can’t kill what you can’t see.

HARRIET

Kids these days, I just . . .

MAX

Terrorists, is more like it.

WILT

(Scoffing. Getting in MAX’S face, jeeringly:)

“Terrorists."My arse. Who’s
afraid? You? You’re only pissed off, is all you are.

MAX

You’re damn right.

HARRIET

But one of those rocks could have hit on
of us, Papa.

WILT (Shrugs.)

Can’t hurt me. I’m already dead.

HARRIET

Well some of us aren’t.

MAX

Wilt The Invincible.

WILT

Surely. Invisible, therefore invincible.

HARRIET

Papa.

MAX

This isn’t a house, it’s a sanitarium.

HARRIET

Max. . . . I just
think we should feel lucky to be alive.

WILT

Are you nuts? You’re off your rocker.

HARRIET

I mean they were only stones, but . .

WILT

Pebbles. Sticks and stones.

MAX

You should feel lucky to be alive
anyway, Wilt.

HARRIET

Max, don’t say that to him, he doesn’t
like —

WILT

I oughta — Are you looking for a boot in your
teeth?

HARRIET

Papa.

MAX

At your age.

WILT

I oughta crucify you.

HARRIET

Papa!

WILT

I oughta throw you right out that
window.

MAX

Try it, old man. I’d drag you down with me.

WILT

I’m already drug down as far as I can
go. I’m already dead, see?

HARRIET

Papa. Max. Please.

MAX

So what’s a dead man gonna do to me?

WILT

Ya ya ya. So consider yourself lucky.

HARRIET

Papa. What’s gotten into you.

WILT

“Lucky to be alive."Gravy brain.

Scene
9

(HARRIET and MAX
stand outside VIRGINIA’S bedroom, their ears to the door — HARRIET more
fervently curious, MAX there at her beckoning.)

MAX

So what.

HARRIET

Shh! Listen.

MAX

(Puts ear to
door.)

So what.

HARRIET

Don’t you hear her?

MAX

Well sure. But —

HARRIET

She’s talking to herself again.

MAX

She’s playing, leave her alone.

HARRIET

But out loud, Max. Who’s she talking to?

MAX

She’s probably singing.

HARRIET

She’s not singing! Listen to her!

MAX

(Resignedly puts ear
to door again.)

Yeah, O. K. , she’s talking. Can I go?

HARRIET

Aren’t you concerned?

MAX

She’s probably praying. Who cares.

HARRIET

Well, yes, that could be. She does pray an awful lot.

MAX

There you are.

HARRIET

But she’s not, though, she’s having a
conversation.

MAX

Of course. With “God."

HARRIET

No! No, Max.

MAX

So she talks to herself. Who else has she got to talk to around
here? You?

HARRIET

You know who she’s talking to, don’t
you?

MAX

Who.

HARRIET

Peter.

MAX

Uh huh.

HARRIET

It’s Peter. She spends all her time with him now.

MAX

Well they get along. That’s the nice thing about imaginary
friends, Gramma. That’s the point.

HARRIET

Hmmm . . . I s’pose. But I
don’t like it. I don’t like it one
bit.

(Pause. Matter-of-factly, as though she were
saying “I think we’ll have tuna fish for supper tonight”:)

I think she may have a demon.

MAX

Maybe she just needs a little blood
letting. And then we can burn her
at the stake, for good measure.

HARRIET:

Well I mean it’s like there are two
people — like she’s half herself and half Peter. I don’t think it’s good for her to stay in her room all day,
either, up all night talking to herself . . .

(MAX gives up, reads,
ignores her)

Virginia! Virginia, sweetheart! . . . Virginia?

VIRGINIA (From behind door:)

What.

HARRIET

I’ve got something for you!

VIRGINIA

What is it.

HARRIET

You’ll have to come out and see for
yourself.

VIRGINIA

That’s O. K. Not now. Maybe
later.

HARRIET

It might not be here later.

VIRGINIA

That’s O. K.

(Pause.)

HARRIET

You wanna go shopping with your old
gramma?

VIRGINIA

Not really.

(Pause.)

HARRIET

We could go to the zoo? You want to go to the zoo, sweetheart?

VIRGINIA

Can Peter come?

HARRIET

No, not this time honey. Just you and me. Whattaya say?

VIRGINIA

That’s O. K.

HARRIET

Do you want to play a game?

VIRGINIA

No thanks.

HARRIET

We could play house. Or set up dominoes and knock them
over. Doesn’t that sound like fun?

VIRGINIA

Peter doesn’t like to play house.

HARRIET

Dominoes?

VIRGINIA

Maybe later.

HARRIET

Virginia! You know what’s coming to town? You know what’s coming to town next weekend?

VIRGINIA

No.

HARRIET

Well guess.

(Pause. Whispering.)

VIRGINIA

The pock-lips?

(giggling behind
door)

HARRIET

What?

VIRGINIA

I give up.

HARRIET

The circus! Won’t that be fun!

VIRGINIA

Can Peter come?

HARRIET

Sweetheart . . . Can’t it just be us? Just the family?

VIRGINIA

I don’t know.

(Indistinct voice of
VIRGINIA in room.)

HARRIET

Virginia, honey, what are you doing, who
are you talking to?

VIRGINIA

Nobody Gramma.

HARRIET

Is Peter there? Is he in there with you?

VIRGINIA

Yes.

HARRIET

Are you talking to him?

VIRGINIA

Yes.

HARRIET

What’s Peter say?

(Pause. Whispering.)

VIRGINIA

He says he wishes you’d go away and
leave us alone.

HARRIET

Well we’re gonna have a picnic
tomorrow. In the park. You wanna come?

VIRGINIA

Peter doesn’t like parks.

HARRIET

Well we don’t have to have it at the
park, I just thought —

VIRGINIA

Or picnics.

(Pause. Whispering.)

HARRIET

Oh. O. K. then. . .
.

VIRGINIA

Peter says stop ease-dripping.

(Pause.)

HARRIET

Oh. I see. Well Gramma’ll
leave you two alone now.

VIRGINIA

’K. -Bye.

Scene
10

(MAX on couch,
reading and eating. HARRIET
enters, looking very nervous and distraught; can’t sit down, paces around the
room aimlessly as though looking for something to occupy her trembling hands,
tries to clean everything in sight.)

MAX

You look terrible.

HARRIET

Why thank you, Maximilian. You really know how to brighten a
person’s day.

Nothing, nothing . . . I almost hit a kid with my car on the
way home, that’s all. I’m a bit
shaken up.

MAX

Home from where?

HARRIET

Oh, I had to go to the school. I had to talk to Virginia’s teacher.

MAX

“Ms." Hackett?

HARRIET

Yes.

MAX

You mean they haven’t institutionalized
that repressed nymphomaniacal hyena yet?

HARRIET

Max, she’s a very sweet and caring
woman.

MAX

Uh huh. So what’d she wanna “talk about."

(WILT sneaks in from the kitchen.)

HARRIET

Well, she’s very worried — She’s
very concerned about Virginia.

MAX

Teachers.

HARRIET

Well . . .

(WILT goes to
bookcase [or perhaps yet another of many hiding places], removes bottle of
liquor, takes a swig — as quietly as possible; HARRIET does not see him.)

MAX

Why, what’s she “worried about."

HARRIET

Something she did. Some things, which she did, which were,
which were not, not quite . . . And, and she saw this picture that Virginia drew, and it scared her half
to death. It made her cry she
said — she was crying, crying . . . And made her sick to her stomach. She threw up, all over the floor.

And she says that Peter tells her what
to write, and draw, and say, and do, and . . .

WILT

So she’s got a muse. It’s normal to hear voices.

MAX

For schizophrenics.

HARRIET

And another thing. She lies. All the time telling lies, to her teachers, to her
friends — well, Ms. Hacket says she doesn’t have any friends, but I don’t
believe that. Why wouldn’t they
like her? . . . But she does, she makes up stories you
see, and then . . . She said it’s
as though she’s incapable of telling the truth, and she’ll never admit, never
admit, that she’s lying. It’s as
if she really believes what she says, and . . .

(pause)

She just makes things up. That’s all. What’s so wrong about that?

(HARRIET begins to
sob, trying hard to conceal it. Fade.)

Scene
11

(The cafe/pub. Night. Many empty bottles and glasses strewn about the table. WILT half-awake, very drunk, confused,
almost dissasociative.)

WAITRESS (Calling toward off-stage:)

Hey. Pete.

WILT

What? What did you call me?

WAITRESS

Nothin sonny. I was talkin to Pete here. Butt out.

(To Pete:)

Peter! Wake up! You’re
not sleepin here again tonight!

WILT

What did you say? What did you call him?

WAITRESS

What. Peter. That’s
his name, sonny.

WILT

Oh. Ah hah. I
see. I was . . .

WAITRESS

You know what you need?

WILT

A lobotomy?

WAITRESS

A shot.

WILT

That’ll suffice.

(She pours him a
shot, he downs it.)

WAITRESS

What is it?

WILT

“It”?

WAITRESS

Yeah. What is it, sonny?

WILT

Whatd’ya mean, it’s a goddam drink.

WAITRESS

You know what I’m gettin at.

WILT

Oh. So you’re gettin’ at somethin are you.

WAITRESS

Well sure. Come on, sonny, what’s on your mind.

WILT

Feels like a bulldozer.

WAITRESS

Here.

(Pours him another
shot. He downs it.)

WILT

What do you know anything about my mind
anyhow.

WAITRESS

Well, you haven’t called me a cunt yet
and you’ve been here for twenty minutes. To me that says somethin ain’t right.

WILT

Everything’s right. There’s no such thing as wrong.

WAITRESS

All right then. You don’t wanna tell me, don’t tell me.

(Cleans counter,
ignoring him.)

WILT

It’s my granddaughter.

WAITRESS

Oh yeah . . . Whatsername again? Victoria?

WILT

Virginia.

WAITRESS

Virginia.

WILT

Uh huh.

(Pause.)

WAITRESS

Well?

WILT

What “well."Well nothin.

WAITRESS

No, tell me. I’m as close as you’ll get to a psychiatrist, sonny.

WILT

I’ve got a pension. Theoretically.

WAITRESS

Well I’m cheap.

WILT

Whatta ya charge?

WAITRESS

Whattaya got in your pocket?

WILT

Nothin.

WAITRESS

That’s my fee.

WILT

That’s reasonable. That seems fair.

WAITRESS

So?

(Pause.)

WILT

The thing is . . . See, I’m her
imaginary friend.

WAITRESS

Come on, sonny. Enough with the “I don’t exist”
routine.

WILT

No, you spiny warthog. Now listen: Her imaginary friend is me.

WAITRESS

I don’t get it.

WILT

Remember I told you about Peter?

WAITRESS

Peter.

WILT

Peter. Her imaginary friend. He tells her to do things?

WAITRESS

Uh huh. Like what kind of things.

WILT

Oh, you know. Break things, steal things, hide things — told her to
have a sex change, too, but she hasn’t done that I don’t suppose. And to run off and join the circus, but
then he changed his mind. . .
. I’ve told you all this. No?

“Peter” killed it. She said. And of course any time she says Peter did something we all
know . . .

WAITRESS (nods uncertainly)

Mmmm. . . . Well what else does Peter tell her to do?

WILT

Oh, you know. Dump glue in people’s shoes, switch the sugar and salt
shakers, put aftershave in the lad’s underpants and turpentine in gramma’s
douche, . . . One time she
replaced Harriet’s contact lens solution with iodine. Blind as a prophet for days!

WAITRESS

And she does whatever he tells her?

(Pause.)

WILT

Yes she does. . . . She listens
to everything he says. Hangs on
his every word, and does just as he asks. . . . At first she was
afraid of me — of him . . . But then, she loved him. . . . she practically worships him.

(The house. Over a year later. MAX back from college. HARRIET comes in, followed by MAX. From off:)

HARRIET

What about business?

MAX

Yeah, well —

HARRIET

What are you going to do with a
philosophy degree, Max?

MAX

I don’ know. Philosophize, maybe.

(They enter.)

HARRIET

Well I just don’t see the point of
spending —

MAX (Interrupting)

Hey, Wilt.

(WILT has entered – stark naked [or in
nothing but boxer shorts]. During the
following: WILT sneaks around the room on tip toe, stands directly
in front of people because he thinks they can’t see him and this now amuses him
to no end; mocks them in mime-fashion, makes faces. Picks up objects and “floats” them across the room from one
spot to another, ties people’s shoelaces together, tips people over in their
chairs, etc. , giggling to himself and watching them for their reactions.)

(MAX looks at WILT’S
shorts:)

A bit chilly, isn’t it?

(WILT giggles to
himself.)

I say: Hey, Wilt. How,
have, you, been?

HARRIET

That won’t work, Max.

MAX

What, is he deaf?

HARRIET

You shouldn’t call him by his first name
anyway. Be respectful.

MAX

Me? Hey, I’m at least talking to the guy. Trying to make conversation, ask how
he’s doing. He’s the one ignoring
me.

HARRIET

He’s not ignoring you, Max.

MAX

No?

HARRIET

Not exactly.

MAX

Wilt! Buddy old pal! Greatgrandpappy o’ mine, how are things in your little world, I’m
interested and I’d like to hear about it!

(VIRGINIA alone,
looking around the room as if waiting for something. Silence. A
voice — that of WILT, [though this need not be immediately clear] — is
heard, disembodied, seemingly from everywhere yet nowhere.)

Nothing. That’s it. She
rolled over and grumbled something or other, but she won’t get up.

HARRIET

Well make her. It’s one o’clock in the afternoon!

MAX

I know what time it is. I told her that.

HARRIET

And?

MAX

And nothing. She doesn’t care what “time it is."She doesn’t care about anything.

HARRIET

Don’t say that.

MAX

It’s the truth.

HARRIET

But don’t say it.

MAX

There’s no point, she says.

HARRIET

Even on Saturday she won’t get up?

MAX

She’s like a stone.

HARRIET

Not even for cartoons? She always got up for cartoons.

MAX

I asked her. She just said they were made up. That they were fake.

HARRIET

Well sure, I mean they’re just —

MAX

“Like God and puppets and friends and
life,” she said.

HARRIET

Like . . . what?

MAX

It’s all made up, she said.

HARRIET

All she does now is sleep. She used to be up all night, every
night, couldn’t get her to sleep for the life of me, and now —

MAX

That’s because she was up talking to
Peter.

HARRIET

Look on the bright side, I guess.

MAX

I didn’t say that. I just
meant . . .

HARRIET

Well she’s got to go to school tomorrow
and that’s all there is to it.

MAX

So you get her up then.

HARRIET

Me? I can’t do anything, Max. Don’t expect me to —

MAX

I’m just saying, she’s not going
anywhere. She just wants to stay
in bed.

HARRIET

Maybe she’s . . . maybe she’s just
having very pleasant dreams, and she wants to stay in them, and so she . . .

MAX

Yeah. Or maybe the waking world is a nightmare to her.

HARRIET

Max. Don’t say things like that.

MAX

Well you know what I mean.

HARRIET

No. No I don’t. There’s no reason not to be happy.

(MAX laughs, shakes
his head.)

HARRIET
(cont.)

It’s not normal.

(Pause.)

There has to be something we can do.

MAX

I can juggle for her if you want. Do a little soft shoe. Maybe a puppet show.

HARRIET

Just go and ask her to come down for
breakfast.

MAX

You’re really fond of these futility
aerobics, aren’t you.

HARRIET

Just tell her. Try.

MAX

Yeah, sure. Because all of a sudden she’s going to decide, “Hey! Wait a second! What am I doing? I like life! I have a dance in my step and a song in my heart! I have my whole life ahead of me! I’m high on life!”

Virginia. Now this is the last time I’m asking you. Hand over that knife.

VIRGINIA

Go away! Leave me alone!

HARRIET

Please!

VIRGINIA

I’ll saw your eyes out!

HARRIET (Weeping. Screaming:)

You’ve got the devil in you! You’re evil!

VIRGINIA

There’s no such thing as the devil! Or evil! Or good! There’s nothing in me!

MAX

You see what you’re doing,
Virginia? You see what you’re
doing to gramma?

VIRGINIA

There’s nothing in me! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

MAX

Virginia, calm down.

VIRGINIA

(Silence. Suddenly growing calm and
distant:)

It’s all run out. Except this blood. It’s all going to run out. And my skin will crawl away.

MAX

Virginia? Let’s . . .

VIRGINIA

(In voice of very
small child, singsongy:)

Aall gone.

MAX

Virginia, you wanna play a game? Come on, let’s play a game, huh? Let’s play make believe. Let’s pretend, O. K. ?

VIRGINIA

And bones fall apart into sand.

MAX

Let’s pretend we’re happy.

HARRIET

Yes! That’s a great idea! Let’s all pretend to be happy!

VIRGINIA

And I bury myself.

MAX

Let’s imagine that mother’s coming.

VIRGINIA

And I’m blown away.

HARRIET

What?

MAX

Tomorrow.

VIRGINIA

And I’m part of the air.

MAX

Today. To pay you a visit. You. Only you, Virginia.

HARRIET

Max, what are you —

VIRGINIA

Mother?

MAX

You’re the reason she’s coming back.

VIRGINIA

My mother?

MAX

Just to see you. Because she never got to see you.

VIRGINIA

No?

MAX

And you never got to see her.

VIRGINIA

No.

HARRIET

No, No, I can’t listen to this. I won’t —

(HARRIET covers her
ears, leaves, sobbing.)

MAX

Yes, Virginia. She’s going to come, and hold you in her arms, and cry with
joy.

VIRGINIA

My mother . . .

MAX

Now how does that make you feel, Virginia?

VIRGINIA

I don’t know. . . .

MAX

Don’t think about it. Just tell me how you feel.

VIRGINIA

My mother’s coming. . . . Coming to see me. . . .

MAX

That’s right. Now doesn’t that make you feel happy? Aren’t you glad? Aren’t you glad to be alive?

VIRGINIA

But she’s not alive. She’s dead. I’m alive and she’s not. . . .

MAX

No, she’s coming. It’ll be the two of you together.

VIRGINIA

(Almost crying with
confused happiness:)

When will she get here?

MAX

Soon. Very soon.

VIRGINIA

When she gets here . . .

MAX

It won’t be long now.

VIRGINIA

I can feel her coming . . . I can —

MAX

I can too.

VIRGINIA

I can smell her. I can smell my mother.

MAX

. . . And she can smell you. She’s going to find you. By
your scent. By the scent of your
hair.

VIRGINIA

She’s . . .

MAX

Yes.

VIRGINIA

(Happiness begins
gradually to be replaced by fear:)

She’s coming . . . to get me. My mother . . .

MAX

To see you, yes, she’s on her way.

VIRGINIA

She can smell me. She’s hunting me. By my smell.

MAX

She can’t wait. She can’t wait to touch you, to hold
you.

VIRGINIA

She wants to . . . to put her hands on
my neck. . . .

MAX

She’ll comb your hair, and caress your
face. Can you feel it?

VIRGINIA (Scared now:)

To choke me, to grab my hair,
to — My hair! She can smell my hair! I’ve got to get rid of it! I can’t let her find me!

(Begins to saw at her
hair with the knife.)

MAX

No, Virginia.

(He reaches for her
wrist, she points knife at him, he backs away.)

She’s going to pick you up in her arms,
and hold you, and —

VIRGINIA

And lift me up, by my hair, and —

(Continues sawing.)

MAX

No, Virginia, listen.

(Again he reaches for
the knife, she threatens him, he backs away.)

She wants to cradle you. Just like you were a baby again. Her baby.

VIRGINIA

And choke me and throw me against the
wall, and —

(Points knife at
door.)

MAX

No. No no no! Listen to me!

VIRGINIA

And hurt me!

MAX

She loves you.

VIRGINIA

She hates me!

MAX

She wants to love you!

VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)

She wants to kill me!

MAX

She wants you back!

VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)

She wants to get me back!

(Sudden silence.)

VIRGINIA (Whisper:)

What’s that? ! What was that? !

(MAX stares at
her. She stares at door.)

Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God . . .

MAX

Virginia? . . . What is
it?

VIRGINIA

Oh my God she’s here.

(A
woman — VIRGINIA’S MOTHER — enters in summer dress caked with
blood. Sad and pained face. [She does not have to look ghostly or
surreal necessarily, but rather can look like a normal living person; however,
it should be clear that VIRGINIA is the only one who can see her, and that she
can see no one except VIRGINIA. ]She smiles sweetly at VIRGINIA.)

Don’t come near me! Stay away! I don’t love you! You’re not real!

(MAX looks at the
door, clearly sees nothing, looks back at VIRGINIA.)

VIRGINIA

I don’t love anyone! No one’s real!

(MOTHER’S smile fades
into deep sadness again. She looks
at VIRGINIA, then down at floor. HARRIET enters [walks right past woman, clearly cannot see her]. Goes to one corner of the room, watches
and listens. Woman begins walking
slowly towards VIRGINIA. Silence. VIRGINIA breathes
heavily, more and more rapidly, audibly. As the woman gets very close, standing a few steps in front of the
couch, VIRGINIA’S breathing stops. She looks as though she may faint, as if in a trance.)

(Approaches her
slowly. Reaches to her. The MOTHER also reaches out to touch
her at the same time.)

Wake up, sweetheart. It’s all right. It’s only a dream. Just a bad dream.

(MAX and the MOTHER,
gently, touch VIRGINIA’S shoulder at the same time. MAX shakes her, as though trying to wake her up. VIRGINIA screams, lashes out blindly
with knife, tries to dash off into her room. MAX grabs her, they struggle. She frees herself, goes into room [still with knife], slams
door. In the shuffle MAX has been
cut, grabs his wound.)

HARRIET

Now what!

MAX

She cut me! That little cunt cut me!

HARRIET

What do we do, Max? !

MAX

Nothing. I’m not doing a goddamned thing.

HARRIET

She’s in there, alone! With the knife! My turkey knife, Max!

MAX

I could give a flying fuck what she
does. Bitch. She can cut her fucking head off for
all I care.

HARRIET

Max!

MAX

Look at this! Do you see this? !

(Dresses his wound
with cloth, which quickly spreads red.)

HARRIET

She was trying to protect herself.

MAX

Yeah. Well the only one she needs protection from is herself.

HARRIET

I’m afraid for her.

MAX

Yeah, well you should be afraid of her.

HARRIET

Oh, I wish Papa was here.

MAX

Yeah, sure. Or Peter.

HARRIET

She always listened to Papa.

MAX

Yeah. Good old Wilt woulda saved the fucking day.

HARRIET

(Ignoring
MAX. Sadly, dreamily:)

Where
is he now . . .

MAX

He’s with her: in La La Land.

HARRIET

He would always tell her stories.

MAX

And she believed every word. He wasn’t good for her either, any more
than Peter was.

HARRIET

At least then she was . . . She had . . .

(Sobs.)

Scene
19

(VIRGINIA lies on
couch, motionless. MAX enters,
drinking coffee and trying to put on a tie.)

MAX

Come on Virginia, let’s go.

VIRGINIA

I’m not going.

MAX

I beg to differ.

VIRGINIA

So differ then.

MAX

Look. I don’t particularly enjoy it either. But do it for Gramma. It makes her happy. O. K. ?

(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)

VIRGINIA

Gramma’s not happy. No one’s happy.

MAX

You want her to be sad then. Is that it?

VIRGINIA

She doesn’t go to church.

MAX

She can barely stand up. Jesus, Virginia, what’s the matter with
you?

VIRGINIA

Nothin. It’s all phony, that’s all.

MAX

What is.

VIRGINIA

All of it. God.

MAX

Uh huh. Oh, so what, so you don’t believe in God now?

(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)

VIRGINIA

He’s a fake.

MAX

Why. Because he didn’t show up for your birthday party? Because he didn’t bring you a unicorn
in your stocking last Christmas?

VIRGINIA

I don’t believe in Santa Claus. He’s just like God.

MAX

Except for the red suit and the hat,
they’re identical. And God’s a bit
more sedentary.

VIRGINIA

He’s not real.

MAX

Well you know what? If you don’t go, you know who’s going
to get you, don’t you. Uh
huh. That’s right.

(Singing:)

Glaadyyys . . .

VIRGINIA

Gladys isn’t real. You can’t scare me.

MAX

You’ve seen the van. That’s her van down by the bridge. That’s real, Virginia, that’s where she
lives. Remember? And she’s got no nose, just a big
bloody hole smack in the middle of her face, and when she breathes it sounds
like somebody whose lungs leak, suffocating. And she’s only got one eye cause a badger ripped the other
one out while she was trying to kill it with her bare hands to eat raw. But that’s only because she ran out of
children. It’s not very often she
runs out of children. And she’s
only got one foot, cause once at Christmas time when all the kids were being
really good and nobody brought her any children to eat, she ate her foot to
stay alive. Just hacked it off
with a rusty tin can and chowed it down, bones and all. And —

VIRGINIA

I don’t care. She’s not real.

MAX

Why do you see her in your dreams then,
hmm? Why do you dream about her if
she’s not real? Huh, Virginia?

VIRGINIA

Dreams aren’t real.

MAX

You say that now, but they sure seem
real, don’t they.

VIRGINIA

I don’t believe in dreams. I don’t have dreams.

MAX

Well we’ll just go see her tomorrow and
see how real she is. How’s that
sound.

VIRGINIA

Fine with me.

(Long pause.)

MAX

You know what happens to people who
don’t go to church, don’t you? They go to Hell. And winged
dogs with black beaks and claws tear their skin off with cheese graters
and —

VIRGINIA

I don’t believe in Hell. Or Heaven. Or Purgissory.

MAX

Well what do you believe in? Hmm?

VIRGINIA

Nothing.

MAX

What about yourself? You believe in yourself, don’t you?

VIRGINIA

Nope.

(Silence.)

MAX

So you’re just gonna sit here. And do nothing.

VIRGINIA

Yup.

(Pause.)

MAX

Well you know you’re going to school
tomorrow.

(VIRGINIA shakes
head.)

Oh yes you are.

VIRGINIA

Am not.

MAX

You don’t like school either?

VIRGINIA

No. It’s all lies. It’s all made up.

MAX

What are you going to be when you grow
up? A foot stool? A paper weight?

VIRGINIA

I’m not growing up. Ever.

MAX

Well you can’t grow down, so . . . What do you want to be? Have you thought about that?

VIRGINIA

Nothing. I wanna be dead.

MAX

Jesus. . . . I’m never
having kids. I hope you have seven
of them, though, Virginia, do you know that?

(Pause. With increasing fury:)

You know, this is — this is
just — . . . I drop out of
school for you, Virginia, to take care of you, you little parasite. Move back here — the last place on
the face of the fucking . . .

(Calming
himself:)

Ah forget it. To hell with it all. To hell with you. I’ll see
you when I get back. Assuming
you’re not invisible.

(VIRGINIA in same
position on couch, asleep. Woman
[VIRGINIA’S MOTHER] enters, her face drained and wasted, suffused with an
ageless sorrow, stares sadly down at VIRGINIA. As though sensing her presence, VIRGINIA wakes up; looks frozen
and afraid, stares at MOTHER.)

MOTHER

Why are you afraid of me?

VIRGINIA

Are you really my mother?

MOTHER

Why am I here?

VIRGINIA

What do you want?

MOTHER

Do you want to run away? To dissolve?

VIRGINIA

Do you want to kill me? To punish me?

MOTHER

Do you wish you could have loved me?

VIRGINIA

Did you love me?

MOTHER

Do you wish I’d loved you?

VIRGINIA

Did you love me before I was born?

(Pause.)

MOTHER

Do you like life?

VIRGINIA

Is it cold where you are?

MOTHER

Can you remember being happy?

VIRGINIA

Are you happy?

MOTHER

Are you as sad as I am?

VIRGINIA

Do you miss me?

MOTHER

Are you lonely, too?

VIRGINIA

Do you ever wish you could be alive
again?

MOTHER

Do you ever wish you could be dead?

(Pause.)

MOTHER

No.

VIRGINIA (Simultaneously:)

Yes.

(Pause.)

VIRGINIA

Why did you have me?

MOTHER

Are the living still as lonely as the
dead?

VIRGINIA

Will you ever forgive me for killing
you?

MOTHER

Will you ever forgive me for having you?

(Pause.)

VIRGINIA

Is this a dream?

MOTHER

Am I dreaming still?

BOTH

Which one of us is dreaming?

BOTH

Can I make myself wake up?

BOTH

Is this better than being awake?

BOTH

Is it less lonely?

BOTH

Is there any way back?

(Pause.)

BOTH

Was it better before I fell . . . ?

BOTH

Will I always be alone?

MOTHER

Have I really died?

VIRGINIA

Have I really been born?

(Pause.)

BOTH

I wish I could sleep.

(Pause.)

BOTH

I wish I could sleep forever.

(Silence. VIRGINIA’S eyes close. MOTHER’S eyes close.)

(Blackout.)

Scene
21

(VIRGINIA sits
slouched on couch, her head back and mouth open, eyes closed. [Possibly she is completely concealed
by a blanket. ]MAX enters.)

MAX

Well, I see you’ve had a productive
morning. You missed one hell of a
sermon. It was about moral
apathy. But you know all about
apathy, so you wouldn’t have gotten much out of it I’m sure.

(Tosses a pamphlet at
her.)

Here. Read this. It’s
about the pope or something. I’m
going to go see what gramma wants for lunch.

(Exits. VIRGINIA has not moved. Long silence. MAX returns.)

MAX

Well surprise surprise, she’s not
hungry. Or more specifically, she
doesn’t think she can keep anything down. So it’s up to us. I’m gonna
raid the cupboard. You want
Doritos or Oreos?

(Pause.)

For God’s sake, get up you waste
byproduct.

(Pause. Singing:)

Virgiiiiiniaaaaa. Oh Virgiiiiiniaaaaaa. You know what this means, don’t
you? It means I’m going to have to
tickle you until you pee yourself. Sound like fun? I thought
so.

(He dives on the
couch and commences tickling her furiously. She does not move. He rips the blanket off her. An empty pill bottle and its lid fall to the floor. He stops, stands, backs away.)