Pages

Friday, June 08, 2007

File under LOJ. As in lack of judgement. Serious lack of judgement.

If you have a day where all you eat all day is two Balance bars and a couple pieces of honeydew and then you drink a lot lot lot of wine, you will feel like complete and utter A-S-S the next day.

You know this. I know this.

It just happened. Sometimes it just happens. My work day was busy, and I worked out over lunch and barely had time to shower before going straight to a meeting. End result, not much food in my day.

The Dementor was in town, and we met up after work and had a drink at the bar at the Ritz before he went off to his power dinner. Which left me with just enough time to go home, change into shorts, and head up to T's house to hang out with my two closest friends. Because she is moving, this was the last of our weekly hang out, drink wine, catch-ups at her house.

I knew, as I kept pouring myself glass after glass of wine, that it was a bad idea. I also know why I was doing it. It's not a mystery to me.

Glass 1: Purely social.

At the Ritz, why the hell not? Oh, and that's one more thing I ate - nuts - they brought us some mixed nuts and we laughed and said that was absolutely perfect. Sums both of us up.

Glass 2: T said, "Wine?" Yes, please.

It was so great to see the Dementor. After we hugged goodbye, and I'd walked about a block, I suddenly wanted to cry, and that rattled me. We are friends of sorts now, and we have this incredibly intense connection, even when we aren't delving into intense topics. I don't want to be with him, and yet he still gets me in that red hots way. I hate that.

Glass 3: More? Absolutely!

I'm tired of fretting about my dad all the time. And my mom. I'm tired of being scared. I'm just tired.

Glass 4: I'll just go ahead and pour this one.

T is leaving. She is one of my nearest and dearest friends. I know New Jersey isn't that far. But it's not six blocks up the hill. It's too far for weekly hang-outs on her patio. It's too far for a last minute drink or Maggie Moo's or walk in the park with her dog. It's too far.

Glass 5: Just a little more. Because who wants to be able to walk a straight line home?

The Director has been so amazing to me, and I like him, and I am truly thankful to have had him in my life this past month. And he is leaving for good in a few weeks.

Nobody thinks I'm great at moderation, myself included. But by this age, goodness. You'd think I'd have some grip on the fact that while wine feels really, really good at the time, that much feels just as bad, if not worse, the next day.

As a friend of mine likes to say, nobody ever looks back and says, "Wow, now that was a great idea!"

Lack of moderation is fine, in moderation. Every once in a while, a truly unwise consumption of alcohol is just the thing to do. As is the inevitable suffering that follows, to remind you to only do it once in a while. :)

Reading this one, I laughed, I cried. Tricky thing, the alcohol. Striking a balance between pain-killer and life-killer is one of the most difficult things I've watched adults do, if they're drinkers (unlike Mom - though sometimes I think she equates alcohol consumption with alcoholism, God love her). It helps, and it hurts. As Homer Simpson says, "the cause and solution to all of life's problems." I have a long, deep, and twisted relationship with ethanol, including manufacturing it (at the brewery).

Byron wrote, "Wine cheers the sad, revives the old, inspires the young, makes weariness forget his toil." It kept my head above water (and from exploding) during my divorce, and battles with her mother over Francesca. But I remember clearly the nights the bottle let me down.

Hemingway said that "wine offers a greater range for enjoyment and appreciation than possibly any other purely sensory thing which may be purchased," which I disagree with: craft beer is a far more sophisticated chef d'oeuvre.

But Churchill said it best, and at the risk of great risk, I begrudgingly aspire to this wisdom:

“Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.”

WiB - Yes, must try to avoid the orange mustache. Particularly now since I'm all growed up.

Giordano - Thanks for all the good quotes. Boy, is it tricky, my friend. Next time I see you, here or Texas, we will have to catch up on so many years. Over drinks.

GN - Age schmage. Thanks! :)

LMNt - Very smart. Because even if it's not a two Gatorade morning, you might have someone who was out carousing with you who is equally in need. :) And with that, I'm off like a prom dress to join the Director for some hair of the dog.

That's kind of how I go about drinking wine. I feel bad and drink a glass at first socially and then one glass turns into four and then I'm whining and it's just never pretty. Then I do it again! Three nights later! Because apparently, I NEVER LEARN.