The Thoughts of Someone Who Needs To Go to the Bathroom, But The Person In the Aisle Seat is Dead

•

I can't wait anymore.

•

I really have to go.

•

It's another three hours till LAX.

•

But the old man is still fast asleep.

•

I really thought he'd wake up when the beverage cart came by.

•

But the Flight Attendants are so sneaky quiet.

•

I think they try to sneak past sleeping people.

•

So they can take our sodas and pretzels.

•

God, I have to go so badly.

•

I shouldn't have gone to the bar during the delay.

•

Drinking at airports is expensive and cliché.

•

Wake the man up, Jill.

•

Just do a very light, gentle shoulder tap.

•

A tap that's both reassuring and extremely apologetic.

•

He didn't move.

•

Do it again, but say something like "I'm beyond mortified that I am in a situation where I have to wake up an elder because I had three $12 mojitos at the bar they didn't even bother naming in Terminal D."