Yesterday was Columbus Day, and we’re still recovering. We love Columbus Day, the day we celebrate an Italian who, while sailing for Spain, got lost looking for spices and ended up in the Bahamas, thought he was in “the Orient,” and called the people he found there “Indians.”

Every Columbus Day, we plant our mop in our neighbor’s lawn and yell, “We come here in peace, seeking gold and slaves!” Then we barge into his house, trash the place and steal his silverware. Then, when he wants us to pay for the damages, we say “OK,” but, whoops, we can’t because the banks are closed, because Columbus Day!

Then he punches us in the face and calls the cops, and we spend the night in jail.

OK, that was yesterday. What about today? Today’s even better, if that’s possible. It’s Hot Air Balloon Day! On Oct. 15, 1783, Etienne Montgolfier became the first human to ascend in a hot air balloon. Which reminds us of this list from HappyPlace.com:

The Top 5 types of people you meet in a hot air balloon:

5. The Guy Proposing to His Girlfriend

If he’s standing next to a woman he seems to tolerate and they don’t have rings on their fingers, he’s going to do it, and then the rest of the ride is all about them.

4. The Woman Who Can See Her House

Oh wow, your house isn’t invisible? That’s really impressive. You know what being able to see your house from a hot air balloon means? You live near hot air balloons.

3. The Hot Air Balloon Know-It-All

You know that guy who keeps jabbering about hot air balloons, Etienne Montgolfier, and blah blah blah? Now we know where the hot air comes from. Shut up about balloons already, I’m trying to see my house from here!

2. The Guy Whose Hot Air Balloon This Is

Sometimes you get in a hot air balloon and it’s nothing but cool dudes and ladies. Sometimes the balloon takes off and you realize you’re stuck in there with a jerk who "owns" this balloon. He’s all like, "Hey, this is a private balloon," and "how did you get in here?" and "are you trying to kill me?" Sheesh. Lighten up, hot air balloon Hitler!

1. The Guy Who Really Needs To Be Somewhere In 80 Days And His Manservant