Tag Archives: relationship

Are you uncertain on matters of love and lust? You are not alone in this. Many sensible people like you, are also caught-up in the confusion. Here are some shocking details on the same….

Sexual attraction is known to often obliterate general human intuition and common sense even in the seemingly sensible and principled individuals. Lust is hell-bent on procreation. It is fueled by the primal desire to have sex. At least we can blame this on our brains for now.

Studies backed by MRI scans indicate that during lust-phase, the human brain is quite like that on drugs. The same area of the brain lights-up with a fix of cocaine as when one is in lust. Love on the other hand is the right opposite of lust. Even with all that in mind, clear-cut distinction between love and lust remains elusive to many. Partly because the two overlap at some instances.

In this article however, nothing is left to chance. We have shed light on this seemingly complicated topic.

So, how exactly do you distinguish love from lust?

Lust and love can be very confusing to the unsuspecting eye. To begin with, lust is thought to be driven solely by physical attraction alongside fantasy. Love, in most instances, is also founded on these pillars. In essence, some love relationships are founded on lust. This however, does not mean that love and lust are one and the same. In fact, it implies the opposite. Let’s evaluate the two on a series of aspects.

Ownership and control

Love lacks in ownership and control. It however has plenty desire to see one grow to their full potential. This comes naturally with no worries about losing the one you love. It exudes desire to provide support and encouragement whenever appropriate.

Lust on the other hand is an insatiable obsession. It is more of redefining your partner’s life according to your own standards. Lust provides limited or no room for progress for either partner. One gets drenched so much with obsession to an extent it give way to deathly jealousy.

Sex and conversations

If you’ve ever been in genuine love then you certainly appreciate the value of conversation. Meaningful conversation is the very fabric of lasting relationships. It often comes with a burning desire to share what’s on one’s mind time and again; in a constructive manner.

Lust is often skewed towards sex and many other aspects that lets one escape reality, call it debauchery. Once in lust, you desire less of constructive conversations and more of fantasy. Partners caught up in lust for one another are often engrossed in selfish desire for sex and unrealistic fun, as they call it.

Conditionality aspect

Genuine love should be unconditional. It is a natural feeling of desire to be with someone no matter their condition or circumstance.

Lust on the other hand is purely conditional; a feeling of steeped gratification of the flesh. With lust, cheating on a partner is nothing but a way to quench an urgent need while he or she is away!

Now everything is put to perspective. The thin line between love and lust is no longer an illusion as otherwise thought. One vital rule of thumb on these matters of the heart is to try and retain one’s presence of mind whenever feelings of attraction crop-up. This helps one steer clear of lust temptations.

Internet dating has become increasingly popular for people of all ages. There seems to be a site for just about any type of relationship or partner you might be looking for, and it is not uncommon for some to be subscribed to more than one. The effectiveness of each site can vary widely from user to user, but more often than not there are several horror stories associated with internet dating. From people not being what they claim to be, or horrible matches in general, dating via the internet can be very hit or miss. The experience is really what you make it, and internet dating can be a great experience.

Internet dating has changed how many people view dating in general. Many sites try and take the guess work out of meeting people, matching you with people that are best suited for you based on their parameters. How well do these parameters work? It varies because it largely depends on people being completely honest with the answers to their questions. Deception is a big part of internet dating for some people. It may be the excitement of getting away with the lies, or perhaps they are just not confident enough in their own personality to attract others. Sorting out the lies from the truth can be a difficult task, but it is usually best to go with your gut if you get a bad feeling about someone.

Safety is so important when it comes to internet dating. You never know who you could run into on the internet, and you certainly don’t know how honest they are being with you. Here are just a few tips to keep you safe.

Get to know them before you agree to meet. Too many times people rush into meeting someone they just met online. Ask the potential date questions past what their interests are. Asking them what they are passionate about and what their goals are can be a great way to give you an idea as to what type of partner they would be for you, and how their goals would mesh with yours.

Go with your gut feeling. Our instincts will very rarely lead us astray. If in your heart you do not think that this person is safe, a good match, or there is something “off” about them, go with your gut. Don’t put yourself in a situation that you do not trust.

Make your boundaries clear. This includes both physical and emotional boundaries. Not everyone is going to be comfortable or have the same boundaries as you. It is so important that you know that your date knows your limits and will not push things that you are firm on.

Meet somewhere public for a first date. This is just a suggestion, but it is the easiest way to keep yourself safe. Meeting someone for the first time can be extremely nerve racking but meeting in a neutral place around other people can put you both at ease. It will help keep you out of any unsavoury situations that could pop up.

Dating can be tricky. Finding someone that you connect with on all levels is not an easy feat. Internet dating has made connecting to new people much easier, but it is so important to protect yourself. Trust in your gut, and know that at the end of the day that each and every encounter is a chance to learn, grow, and prosper.

As I discussed in a previous blog, codependency is when both parties are dependent on one another in order for the relationship to function. Codependency can occur in any and all relationships, and it affects all relationships.

The codependency that occurs between spouses is unique because of the dynamic of the relationship. Because of the romantic aspect of this relationship, often times the spouse is controlled through affection and attention. This means that the addicted spouse will try and control the other using affection, sex, and giving them attention.

Codependency is dangerous in any loving relationship, but especially between spouses as physical/mental/emotional abuse is often involved. Abuse is used to control by striking fear into the other person, causing them to behave in a way that will please the other to avoid the abusive behaviour.

Spouses engaging in codependent behaviour often times try to “cover” for the addicted spouse. They will lie to friends and family about their spouse’s behaviours. If the spouse holds a job, they will sometimes go as far as to call in sick for their spouse when they are too hung over or sick from withdrawal to go to work. People in this position will do anything and everything to make sure that their relationship will stay together.

In these relationships, no matter what lengths the addicted goes to (lying, stealing, cheating, abuse, etc.), their codependent will continue to allow them to be a part of the relationship and treat them in a way that is toxic. This can go on for many years, however, it is possible to recover from codependency. Toxic codependent relationships can be combated in several different ways, and listed below are just a few.

Remove yourself from the relationship

Seek counselling

Attend family/couples therapy during the addicted’s treatment

Make a safety plan if abuse is involved

Know what the signs are of codependent behaviour and recognize when it is affecting your life

Codependency is not something that will never stop. There is hope for recovery, but like recovering from an addiction, it takes a lot of hard work and it is a lifelong commitment. Take control, transform your behaviours, and learn to live a life you love.

Human connection and acceptance are something that we all strive for. It is part of our nature to want to have a partner, to have someone that we connect with on a deeper level than just friendship. Relationships are an important part of our socialization as human beings. However, relationships that just don’t work and leave us with a bad taste in our mouth are an almost inevitable part of dating.Getting past the stage of just dating to being in a committed relationship is a large step for most people. After being burnt by others, it can often times be hard to accept and reciprocate the love for someone that you are close to. You may know that you love them but it may be hard for you to show the person that you love that you are in love with them. This can be a relationship killer.

Honesty, trust, and communication are the key pieces to a healthy and successful relationship. Without one, it is like a tricycle is missing a wheel; you won’t be going anywhere any time soon because your tricycle just doesn’t work. Building trust with the person that you are seeing is a great way to open up the lines of communication and having an honest relationship.

Trust is something that is hard to earn but very easily broken. Being completely honest with the person that you care about is a great way to earn trust. This does not mean that you need to tell them every detail of your thoughts, but you do need to be honest about who you are and what you are about.

When entering into a relationship, it is important at some point to make it clear what both parties expect from the relationship. This is so that there is no confusion around things like seeing others and cheating. Unclear boundaries can lead one or both of those involved to pushing the boundaries of the relationship to a point where there is resentment for committed indiscretions.

Cheating is seen as something that is nearly impossible for any couple to recover from. There are some relationships that do fully recover, but it takes a lot of time and hard work for healing and movement forward. Healing and taking the time to talk to your partner about what has happened is essential to pulling through cheating. However, cheating is often times just swept under the rug or pushed deep inside left to fester and grow. This is a breeding ground for resentment within a relationship.Relationships aren’t easy. They take a lot of time, work and dedication. A happy and healthy relationship is something that is possible, but it requires the above mentioned. The important thing to remember is that loving yourself comes first in a relationship. Being happy and comfortable in your own skin will attract people that are like minded. Love yourself and the rest will follow.