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Give me fabulous or give me death.

2014 amfAR Gala at Milan Fashion Week

Fashion Month is rolling right along. Let’s take a quick stop at the amfAR Milano Gala and see what the supermodels have for us today.

POPPY DELEVINGNE top and pants by Emilio Pucci, necklace and purse by Bulgari

Photo: Rex

Cara better watch her back, because she’s dangerously closed to being eclipsed by her fabulous big sister Poppy. A tunic and pants might not seem gala-appropriate, but these particular separates are too perfect for me to care. The perfect 1970s-throwback tailoring brings that overdone trend to new and interesting heights. The floral detailing is gorgeous, and no matter how many times I see the Bulgari serpent necklace, I fall in love with it all over again.

COCO ROCHA gown by Versace

Photo: Rex

Hate the wig; love everything else. The art deco mega-shoulders are a work of art. Basic bitches can back the fuck off, because this is a dress for goddamn divas only.

ASHLEY MADEKWE gown by Wes Gordon, purse by Kotur

Photo: Vincenzo Lombardo/Getty

She was born to wear this burnt-orange-bronze color. And the button detailing on the sides is just the most delightful surprise.

These curvy-shaped, fringe-detailed Stella McCartney dresses were all the rage about a year and a half ago, maybe a little more. I can’t remember the exact moment of when that dark time in my life occurred. I only know that I saw enough of these dresses to want to die every time I saw a curve. But time heals all wounds, and I think I have developed enough scar tissue to actually enjoy this dress. (Probably because it doesn’t also have paisleys.) But it may be an eternity before I’m ready to see two of these dresses at the same event again:

BAR REFAELI dress by Stella McCartney, shoes by Christian Louboutin

Photo: Rex

In a vacuum, this dress is fine. But sadly, we do not live in a vacuum, and our non-vacuum world is overrun with supermodels in the same goddamn Stella McCartney dress over and over again.

IZABEL GOULART gown by Emilio Pucci

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

I liked this dress on Leighton Meester at this year’s Met Gala, but these strappier, less clunky sandals work much better with the delicate gown. But the hair is a problem. With a funkier, more casual, less art-deco-fabulous outfit, messy hair is totally acceptable. But those straggly locks DO NOT WORK with a gown this glam.

NIEVES ALVAREZ dress by Elie Saab, purse by Bulgari

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

Perfect dress, but she could have gone for some more surprising accessories with such a simple outfit.

BIANCA BRANDOLINI D’ADDA gown by Giambattista Valli

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

Sorry, international stars who are ridiculously beautiful – even you have to run a hairbrush through your mane once in awhile. I mean, you don’t even have to do it yourself. You can pay someone for that. But somebody needs to get that shit done, so that I can pay attention to how awesome your outfit is.

ALESSANDRA AMBROSIO gown by Versace, purse by Elena Ghisellini

Photo: Rex

She looks perfect, but I feel like I’ve seen her in this outfit a thousand times before. No actual complaints, but she could have had a bit more fun.

HEIDI KLUM gown and shoes by Atelier Versace

Photo: Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty

What heinous felony did Heidi’s abs commit, that she feels the need to put them behind bars?

BELLA THORNE gown by Emilio Pucci

Photo: Rex

Isn’t it adorable when sixteen-year-olds think they’re adults? Bella, sweetheart, this is a dress for a grown-up. And your braided hairstyle alone proves that you are most definitely not a grown-up.

MORAN ATIAS gown by Emilio Pucci, purse by Zagliani, shoes by Casadei

Photo: Vincenzo Lombardo/Getty

What, has she never been on a red carpet before? You ALWAYS do a camera-flash test to make sure your dress isn’t see-through under bright lights. Come on. That’s a rookie mistake.

ROSARIO DAWSON gown by Vionnet

Photo: Getty

I didn’t know Rosario Dawson was actually a transformer, but I can’t come up with any other explanation for why her pelvis appears to be turning into a washing machine.