The Director of 30 Minutes or Less is Full of Sh*t

From the first minute I heard about it, I (like most people, I imagine) assumed that 30 Minutes or Less, the new film opening this weekend in which Jesse Eisenberg plays a pizza boy who gets a bomb strapped to him by kidnappers and ordered to rob a bank, had been inspired by the real-life collar bomb case from 2003. It seemed like an interesting and ballsy (if weird) idea. Now the family of Brian Wells, the original collar bomb victim who had his head blown off while TV cameras rolled, tell the press that they’re upset that people would make light of such an event — a perfect, predictable, open-ended, keep-the-news-cycle-going type story (SHOULD A REAL-LIFE TRAGEDY BE PLAYED FOR COMEDY??? FIND OUT, AT ELEVEN!).

Wells’ sister, Jean Heid of Erie, said the movie isn’t funny — whether or not it was inspired by her brother’s sad fate.
“It’s hard for me to grasp how other human beings can take delight and pride in making such a movie and consider it a comedy,” Heid said in an e-mailed response to The Associated Press. [ABC]

The twist is, the filmmakers (director Ruben Fleischer and the producers, at least, the writers still haven’t commented) are adamant that their movie has nothing to do with the Brian Wells case and claim they hadn’t even heard of it — which is a load of bullsh*t so stinky they should be disgusted to have it come out of their mouths, but we’ll get to that in a second.

Moviefone: The family of Brian Wells has spoken out against the film, and some audience members think it’s poor taste to do a comedic version of the story. What would you say to those people who think the movie is bad form?

Ruben Fleischer: Well first of all, anyone who hasn’t seen the movie can’t judge. Because they haven’t seen the movie, and it doesn’t really relate to that story other than the fact that there’s a bomb strapped to somebody’s chest. They’re not really related in any way, so I think a lot of people are prejudging it without information.

Well first of all, I have seen the movie (review forthcoming), and I will judge, and it won’t be prejudging because I’m not even sure that’s a real word. But first, here’s the official statement from the studio:

“Neither the filmmakers nor the stars of ’30 Minutes or Less’ were aware of this crime prior to their involvement in the film,” Steve Elzer, the senior vice president who handles media relations for Sony Pictures’ Columbia TriStar Motion Picture Group, said in a statement. “The writers were vaguely familiar with what had occurred and wrote an original screenplay that does not mirror the real-life tragedy.”

Vaguely familiar, eh? We’ll see about that.

My colleague Jen Yamato over at Movieline has put together an excellent comparison of the real-life case and the plot of the movie, and I think it’s pretty clear that the film is based on the case, even if they changed some of the details (perhaps most crucial, the movie makes Eisenberg an innocent victim, whereas in the real case, Wells was supposedly in on the plot, but didn’t know it was a real bomb).

Real Life Case: Set in Eerie, PA30 Min. or Less: Set in Grand Rapids, MI

Real Life Case: Crime masterminded by Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong, who sought to bankroll a $125,000 hit on her father to inherit his fortune, working with collaborators Kenneth Barnes, William Rothstein, and Floyd Stockton.30 Min. or Less: Crime masterminded by Dwayne (McBride), who seeks to bankroll a $100,000 hit on his father to inherit his fortune, working with collaborator Travis (Swardson).

Real Life Case: Wells gets a call to deliver pizzas to an empty lot, where his collaborators meet him and outfit him with a bomb collar against his will. He has 55 minutes to rob a bank.30 Min. or Less: Nick (Eisenberg) gets a call to deliver pizzas to an abandoned stockyard, where his assailants meet him and outfit him with a bomb vest against his will. He has less than nine hours to rob a bank.

Real Life Case: Wells robs the PNC Bank using a modified shotgun [made out of a cane! -Ed], then looks for the clues to removing the bomb collar.30 Min. or Less: Nick and his best friend Chet (Aziz Ansari) rob a bank using fake guns, then look for clues to removing the bomb vest.

I’m not going to do the whole “So is it similar?? You decide!” thing here, because I think it’s obvious that they knew the case pretty well when they wrote the movie. The damning detail is the part where the kidnappers’ motive was to bankroll a hit on one of their fathers. Because, as a fiction, that doesn’t even make sense. If your motive in having your father killed was to inherit his money, why would you force a guy to rob a bank in order to steal you some money, only to use that money to pay a hitman to kill your father to inherit other money? That retarded plan only makes sense if you’ve been up for five days shooting meth, and there’s no way in hell two human beings thought it up separately. You can admit you were inspired by a true story, guys, it’s not a crime.

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Except for all the evidence that show Brian Wells was in on the planning of the robbery and not just some pizza delivery who was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Fuck Brian Wells and fuck his family. He’s just another dead criminal, he serves no purpose other than to be made fun of.

What was the last thing the cops said to Brian Wells?
Calm down this is nothing to lose your head over.
Wakka Wakka

By: r.pgh

08.08.2011 @ 3:28 PM

poor taste…..wasn’t Wells involved with the plan of robbing a bank in the first place, only to have his cohorts turn their back on him by blowing his face off of this planet?

By: Burnsy

08.08.2011 @ 3:33 PM

I heard that Brian Wells was involved, is that true?

By: The Hammer

08.08.2011 @ 3:36 PM

To be 100% honest I had not heard of the real life case until you talked about it here in an article months ago… But I’m not a writer for a million dollar movie company either. I’m just a simple man that likes his cat pictures, porn, and pointless blogs.

By: Vince Mancini

08.08.2011 @ 3:36 PM

I heard Brian Wells was a 28 year old doctor, mature and handsome.

By: jeremyhyler

08.08.2011 @ 3:41 PM

Personally, I don’t watch the news unless theres a dead baby involved. So I missed this story. they should do a Casey Anthony story called 30 Days Later: The After Party. It’s like the hangover but the baby, is, well. SHENANIGANS and HIJINX!!

By: Burnsy

08.08.2011 @ 3:41 PM

I just drafted Beanie Wells. Is he involved in this?

By: Ace Rimmer

08.08.2011 @ 3:43 PM

With my sincere thanksapologies reacharound to Marvin Gaye:

I heard it on the internet,
Brian Wells he ended up dead,
Oh I heard it on the internet,
Popped his collar, then it popped his head.

By: Patty Boots

08.08.2011 @ 3:46 PM

This controversy will probably blow up in their faces.

By: Burnsy

08.08.2011 @ 3:47 PM

Too soon, Patty.

By: Dingus

08.08.2011 @ 3:50 PM

The Wells family shouldn’t lose their heads over this… since Brian already did.

By: Dingus

08.08.2011 @ 3:51 PM

Hey, if Jesse Eisenberg survives, then it’s nothing like the true story, right?

By: Patty Boots

08.08.2011 @ 3:51 PM

You’re blowing this way out of proportion, Burnsy.

By: YoungTim

08.08.2011 @ 3:54 PM

I hate it when people assums an original idea is based on real events just because of a few minor details in common. I went through the same nonsens on the movie I wrote. It was called “Don Blaine Casey: Clown” and it was about a guy who rapes and murders kids in his basement while dressed as a clown.
I didn’t base that on real events, that’s all me son. Sometimes, the ideas just come to me, like in a dream…

By: daramsey

08.08.2011 @ 3:57 PM

Wow this is new!! A movie that might offend someone. Who gives a turd, get over it

By: Ace Rimmer

08.08.2011 @ 3:59 PM

Dammit is noone else going to stretch for a Wells Fargo pun? Can’t expect me to keep doing all the shittiest non-jokes around here you know.

By: Dean Machine

08.08.2011 @ 4:01 PM

I’m sure knowing that the movie isn’t based on his death is a real weight off Brian Well’s shoulders

By: Dingus

08.08.2011 @ 4:07 PM

If your motive in having your father killed was to inherit his money, why would you force a guy to rob a bank in order to steal you some money, only to use that money to pay a hitman to kill your father to inherit other money?

When you rob a bank the money is traceable through the serial numbers. If you then use that money to pay a hitman, who kills your father so you can inherit his fortune, you would rid yourself of the dirty money and any links to the bank robbery. When the hitman then goes out to spend the money, he’d then be implicated in the bank robbery. And if he’s ever linked to the father’s murder, he’d be a bank robber/murderer in the eyes of the jury.

Great, so you get the guy who can implicate you in a murder caught by the cops. Meth plan for sure.

By: Dean Machine

08.08.2011 @ 4:12 PM

I can’t wait for the headline “Wells family threatens that ‘heads will roll’ if movie released.”

By: Sous Chef Gerard

08.08.2011 @ 4:13 PM

You’re not a victim if you were in on the plot. Any villain in a great Seagal B-movie knows that much.

By: Dingus

08.08.2011 @ 4:16 PM

Yes, but that’s why they told Brian Wells to tell the cops that a couple of black guys had put the collar on him. Next step: hire a black hitman. Everything suddenly adds up in the eyes of the cops. A black guy did it!

By: Stallonewolf

08.08.2011 @ 4:16 PM

Serves him right for rocking the popped collar.

By: Immortal 9

08.08.2011 @ 4:27 PM

To the Wells family:

Blow me……

With Love,
Ruben Fleischer

By: Immortal 9

08.08.2011 @ 4:30 PM

The Wells family should just be glad that Brian isn’t being portrayed by Colin Hanks.

By: Dingus

08.08.2011 @ 4:40 PM

A plan like that must read like Einstein to a tweeker. That’s pretty much the mark of all tweeker ploys; they must be extremely convoluted, broken down into various steps or stages, and based on paranoid assumptions about society (like all cops hate black people, which, of course, they do, but you get the point).

By: Jessolido

08.08.2011 @ 4:42 PM

A tragedy’s a tragedy, but let’s look at the ULTRA silver lining here, Wells family: You’re now ONE DEGREE of separation from Danny McBride! We should all be so lucky!

By: Mo Charlo

08.08.2011 @ 5:33 PM

“SHOULD A REAL-LIFE TRAGEDY BE PLAYED FOR COMEDY?”

I couldn’t read this without “The Inquisition” from History of the World playing in my head.

By: HipsterReplacement

08.08.2011 @ 10:03 PM

And Dane Cook was “vaguely familiar” with Louis CK’s jokes.

By: Brundlefly Swatter

08.09.2011 @ 2:34 AM

All’s Wells that ends Wells…except when you have your head blown off with a collar bomb.

By: mattyj2001

08.10.2011 @ 5:24 AM

The only offensive thing about this movie is that Aziz Ansari still has a job.