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This is a plea from those of us who understand the meaning of “Draw Something” as literally drawing something. I realize that we’re no longer playing Words With Friends, but that doesn’t mean you should completely disregard our language as we move onto this new level of competition in our friendship.

I know that you are somewhat literate because every time we play Draw Something you feel the need to write out the word that I am trying to guess. Perhaps you are not completely certain what the term “draw” means? To resolve any discrepancies, please allow me to define the word “draw” for you:

Draw: noun, verb (used without object)

An image of someone doing it wrong.

To compose or create (a picture) in lines

to sketch or trace figures; create a picture or depict by sketching

Definition from Dictionary.com, so this is pretty legit.

I realize that the “lines” can form the alphabet and that “figures” can refer to letters, but I assure that the spirit of the word “draw” includes no letters, words, or phrases of any kind.

I am unsure if you are doing this because you fear that I am too stupid to understand what a cow looks like or if you are simply sadistically ruining this guessing game for me, but whatever your motives, I beg that you discontinue this torture.

If you fear that my brain capacity is too small, you should not coddle me, but rather throw me to the cruel world of primary-color confusion. Your pampering me will only hurt me in the long run when I will have to attempt to sketch intersections at the site of a car accident or detail the facial features of the man who stole my $12.99 Target watch.

If you are simply torturing me, there are so many other ways to do so in the game. You need only draw three dots for every image to deserve my ire. You could draw taunting stick figures instead. You could throw pencils at me in the physical world and tell me to stop procrastinating on getting a real job.

Coming soon: Hate mail to those who are ridiculously good at DS and are making the rest of us look bad.

I will spell out my conditions as clearly as you spell out your images: I would happily accept any of these alternatives if you would cease completely ruining this game for me. To continue in this manner would be both cruel and unusual, and may result in my sabotaging you on Farmville.