Sunday, December 9

MARIO, LUIGI & JESUS

a few months ago brody experienced death for the first time. the questions of life, and death, and why's, and how's came in full force. we had lost a loved one that we all wanted, so badly, to see again. especially my four year old boy.

this is hard.

this motherhood thing is hard.

explaining heaven, and hell, and salvation to my little boy who wants so badly to know and understand this whole thing is really, really hard. i wish i could just be inside my son's brain when i'm talking to him. i wish i could hear myself through his ears, and see how he processes all of this, and what his little mind makes of what i am saying. cause, truth be told, i'm pretty sure he thinks i'm crazy. i'm teaching him the bible, and all about our precious Savior, and i'm pretty sure he's thinking…mom… is this all real? Jesus is everywhere? he rose from the dead? like when luigi gets another life?

i've tried to avoid the words he died when he plays that old super mario brothers game. oh, honey! game over! so sad! but, inevitably, it happens. and his little brother tribal dancing around chanting you died, you died, you died! doesn't help the case much either.

and so, with that, the conversations have started up again. they come in waves.

i'm teaching him the gospel, grace, and Christ's sacrifice for us. but, to him, it sounds like a crazy video game. it sounds amazing, and out of this world… cause it is. and he asks questions that make me swallow hard.

what's the end of the world gonna be like?

but, why doesn't everyone love Jesus, mom?

but, will we ever see him again?

i clear my throat and wipe away a hot tear.

we just don't know, buddy. we want so badly for everyone to love Jesus, but not everyone does. our world is full of sin and we have to choose to love Him. but God is real, and all powerful, and mighty, and everywhere. and in He's in my heart, and one day, more than anything else in this world, daddy and i pray that He's in your heart too. i know it's hard to understand right now, and mommy has questions all the time, just like you do, but God is so good. and He loves you so much. even more than i love you. can you even imagine that?

what i want to say is, don't you see i'm crying? can we come back to this subject in a few years and focus on soccer games, baking cookies, and pillow fights? but, i press on. explaining to his precious little soul the best way i know how, praying over and over again that the Lord gives me the right words to say. that somehow this crazy, out-of-this-world love story is portrayed right and true for the boy i love more than anything in this world.

but… will i die mom? i don't want to ever die.

i grab his little face and squeeze him so tight and say, i know, buddy. i know. i want to say, you don't have to worry about that a long, long time. the Lord is going to let you live til one hundred! you'll be a daddy, you'll be granddaddy, and even a great granddaddy! and you will peacefully enter into heaven after a life full of so much beauty. but i can't. i can't say that because i don't know. all i can say is i know and cry into his little shoulder. and he's so confused as to why i'm even crying at all. i don't know what the Lord has for him, and that's the most bittersweet part of it all, the most bittersweet part of motherhood.

the heartache is that my son is not mine.

the beauty is that my son is not mine.

"… And the King says, 'Look! God and his children are together again. No more running away. Or hiding. No more crying or being lonely or afraid. No more being sick or dying. Because all those things are gone. Yes, they're gone forever. Everything sad has come untrue. And see - I have wiped every tear from every eye!' And then a deep, beautiful voice that sounded like thunder in the sky says, 'Look, I am making everything new!' - the Jesus storybook bible (a dream of heaven, from revelation 1, 5, 21, 22)

it's true that it's both some comforting and in a way bittersweet that our children do not really belong to us. i am thinking about that more and more these days. especially while being in the 1st trimester of my 3rd pregnancy-i think about our this baby isn't ours while praying for protection over it's little life.

Beautiful post {which btw, I stopped by from Instagram where you mentioned your new look. It looks awesome!}. Motherhood and sharing the gospel with our kids is hard. To know they are not our own makes it easier... sometimes... but, other times it makes it harder. I, too, wish I could climb inside my little boy's brain to know what he's thinking. Anyways, I really just wanted to say thank you for sharing your heart. It blessed me so much!

We've had lots of those questions too. My daughter attends school with lots of nationalities and religions, which has sparked some rich conversation. We've also experienced loss and have had to talk about that. Talking honestly is the best thing to do and to let them know that sometimes we just don't know the answers, we just trust Jesus to be there with us in the hard times. Thanks for this post today.

As I was reading your post I couldn't help but think that in a year, that will be me. Thanks for getting my mind thinking on that... I pray God gives me the words because I'm pretty sure I'll be sobbing like a baby.

oh Danielle this had me in tears for my own sweet boy whom I know the questions are on the cusp of breaking through and splling out to us. I pray, pray, pray for you and all of us as mothers that God would give us the perfect words to say that our sweet children will understand as best they can how Great our Father's Love for Us. Thanks for the friend. I'm going to share this on my facebook, it's so good.

I faced something so similar this summer, your post brought me right back to the tears. Night after night of my sweet boy crying out for our lost loved one. It felt like he was ripping out my heart, to re~live the loss and to see him hurting so much was a double whamy. Time has made it better {for him especially} thank you for sharing this, and your sweet heart.

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