Preview: 2014 Mercedes-Benz S550 4Matic

2014 Mercedes-Benz S550 4Matic is the most complex car on the road

By David Booth, Postmedia News

Originally published: July 17, 2013

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LAKE ROUSSEAU, ONT. — It is, without a doubt, the most complex piece of machinery ever to travel a paved road. There are no less than 60 computers on board, there are so many cameras that the diplomats who love it will probably have to register it as a covert device, and there is so much high-tech wizardry underneath its Maybach-like skin that it all has to be labelled under an all-encompassing Intelligent Drive banner, lest we poor consumers — and even a few Mercedes engineers — get some of the terminology wrong.

Even just the seats are a marvel of electric motors, fans, heaters, remote controls, computer controls, flatscreen displays, inflatable air jackets and even Internet connectivity: They are able to heat, cool, tilt like an aircraft recliner, and Hot-Stone-Massage you so convincingly that Virgin Atlantic’s First Class cabin will feel like baggage class in comparison. It is the 2014 Mercedes-Benz S550, equal parts sensuous luxury sedan and technological tour de force with just a tiny bit of frightening Big Brotherism thrown in to make it interesting.

For the record, every Mercedes-Benz S-Class in the past 30 years has been a technological sensation, resplendent in the very best technology that the world’s most advanced automaker’s very best engineers could offer. It has been a showcase for every engineering marvel Mercedes could conjure, the harbinger of safety advances to come and, not incidentally, the envy of every other luxury automaker in the world. Where the S-Class went, soon would the luxury segment (and, eventually, all cars) follow.

So, we were expecting a testament to the creative German mind when we strolled into the Four Seasons Toronto (yes, the worldwide launch of Mercedes’ most important car was held right here in the Great Frozen North). But even the most jaded of auto scribes (methinks I am in the running here) was absolutely blown away — and perhaps just a little frightened — by the profligacy of the high-tech wizardry of the all-new 2014 S-Benz. Mercedes calls it a semi-autonomous (as in, it almost drives itself) automobile and one suspects the “semi” part of that equation has more to do with the lack of pertinent legislation than Mercedes’ technology not being ready.

So, rather than listing all the things that the new S550 can do, maybe it’s easier to start with that we won’t be getting. Foremost amongst these in the wow factor category is something called Magic Body Control, a suspension system so advanced that two roof-mounted cameras scan the road ahead and alert the car’s various dampers and springs in anticipation of the bump the wheels are about to hit. It’s the only such system in the world and, over the right kind of bumps (especially large, rounded items like speed bumps), Mercedes’ seemingly over-ambitious nomenclature is actually deserved.

Unfortunately, the Magic won’t be available in Canada. It turns out that the system is not compatible with Mercedes’ all-wheel-drive systems and Mercedes Canada only imports 4Matic versions of its S-Class (save the yet-to-be-introduced, V12-powered S600). It’s a blow only softened by the knowledge that the Airmatic suspension fitted to all our S-Classes is more than adequate and that in many circumstances — like the enormous Torontonian potholes that the Canadian launch also showcased — the Magic system is no more cossetting than the basic.

The other innovation we’re missing — and for this one, we have our government’s insidious hyper regulationto blame — is the new S-Class’s Adaptive Highbeam Assist Plus system, which, using the same cameras as the Magic Body Control, does away with the need for separate high and low beams by constantly changing the lighting according to visual needs and other traffic. Alone in the night, the new S550 will bore a hole in the darkness with lots of high-beam lumens. But, thanks to magic of the cameras and sensors aboard, the big Merc senses oncoming traffic and shades its said high beam in such a way that it emulates a low beam. The computer control is so exacting that it creates an entirely different, but equally safe, beam pattern when it’s following another car closely, all without switching from the high beam. This last is the problem as the new system simply alters beam pattern and Transport Canada requires a physical switch between a high and a low beam in its safety requirements; yet another important safety innovation lost because our regulations aren’t keeping up with technology.

As for the high-tech gadgetry we do get, the list is exhaustive. There’s a new Distronic Plus cruise control that not only maintains a set distance to the car ahead, but a new Steering Assist function assures that the car stay in the middle of the lane while doing so. Take your hands off the wheel and, for 10 seconds, the S550 will follow the car ahead diligently, staying in the middle of its proscribed lane.

Another separate system called Active Lane Keeping Assist works to keep the S-Class from drifting out of its lane even when the Distronic system is off. Unlike Steering Assist, which actively turns the steering wheel, Lane Keeping brakes the inside wheel to return the S550 to its desired path. According to Mercedes’ engineers, the reason for the difference is that, should you doze off enough to have the car drift askew, being awakened by the steering wheel being jerked in one’s hands might cause a reflexive reaction to yank it back; braking the wheel causes no such knee-jerk reaction.

There’s also a new Night View Assist Plus system whose grille-mounted infrared camera can now spot both people and animals in the black of night. The system’s algorithmic abilities are so sophisticated that it also points some spotlights to illuminate any humans in your path for added recognition (it doesn’t do so for animals, though).

There have also been some dramatic advancements to Mercedes’ current Pre-Safe system, the automatic braking function now recognizing humans and able to brake the car to a complete stop if somehow an errant pedestrian wanders into your path. Pre-Safe will even save you from other drivers’ blunders; should you be stopped at a light and some raging textaholic not notice your stationary self, Pre-Safe will first flash its rear taillights in an attempt to get their attention, then pretension your seat belts in anticipation of the collision and, finally, applies the brakes lest the impact be sufficient to drive you into a busy intersection.

And there’s an entire raft of other safety nannies — Stop & Go, Brake Assist and Attention Assist to name but a few — that make up Intelligent Drive’s portfolio. As I said before, it’s an impressive lot, which, to be honest, can be a little overwhelming at times. Indeed, if there’s a criticism of the new Mercedes, it’s that one occasionally forgets that it’s a car and not a mobile computational device.

Indeed, so lost was I in all of this high-techery that I almost forgot that the S-Class’s chassis just received a 50% increase in torsional rigidity (a remarkable feat considering that its predecessor was reckoned to have the stability of Cambrian granite). Or that its 4.6-litre twin-turbo V8 now pumps out 455 horsepower while still managing 9.1 litres per 100 kilometres (in the European fuel consumption cycle) and that its seven-speed 7G-Tronic transmission shifts more smoothly than ever.

But none of that captures the duality that is the incredible advancements and (sometimes) overwhelming sophistication that is the new S-Class. I know I touched on the new bed-like Executive rear seats (complete with the softest known pillow in the universe) and its fans, heat exchangers and 14 tiny air bags (for that previously noted Hot Stone Massage). But, I didn’t tell you that said Executive perch requires an under-seat air bag. It seems that when you’re reclined 43.5 degrees, there’s a possibility of submarining under the seatbelt in the (unlikely) circumstance that all those Intelligent Drive gizmos fail to prevent a front-end collision. Not willing to sacrifice either the S-Class’s Caligula-like hedonism or its enhanced safety, Mercedes’ solution was an under-seat air bag. So, now, in the case of an accident, said posterioral inflation device pumps up to push your tushie upwards into the seatbelt so that, despite the your semi-horizontal carriage, all your soft bits are held in place.