I'm only happy when it rains

It even snowed a bit in the morning, we hardly ever have snow in march! Spring needs to start asap, The cold has been around long enough.

My boyfriend’s dad just turned 84. It makes me sad to think that such a sweet man’s life is slowly ticking away. Death sucks. I am extremely scared of dying, I really just ignore the notion if I can. There’s nothing as scary as thinking that at one time, everything is just going to end, and that this moment is all you have. I don’t believe in an afterlife (I wish I did), but consciousness just ending like that like a candle being blown out… You can’t even imagine the dark, or nothingness, you are just gone. I think that’s one of the main reasons why people want kids: you continue to live through them. You can raise them so that they will live their lives like you would have, taking the lessons you learned with them.

Ok, that’s all for today’s depressing broadcast :D on a more positive note, this is another one of those outfits that just came to me. The tights are from h&m and new and I love them. They have some sort of very high contrast version of a flowergarden look to them, abstract but still… Something :D I immediately pictured this COS dress with them as I love the petrol hue. And there you go!

This outfit is so incredibly cool! Love love those tights!! Perfectly sytled!

I remember when I was a little girl I was scared of death for the same reason. I didn't wan to just stop existing! So what I did was I tried to remember before I was born and what it was like "not existing" to see if it was that bad. ! Only I realized I couldn't think of not existing because thinking entails existing! So I thought: I can't not be.

Somehow this sort of thinking went on inside the head of a five year old and it comforted me because it made me realize I would always "be". Since then, as an adult, I have come to believe in Christ (and an afterlife that is more than simply still "being"). Anyway, that's what your post made me think of!!

Thanks for your reply, kimberellie! I was a kid like that too, thinking of things way to complex and philosophical before most people would think about those things. And I can imagine how that would be comforting :) I wish I had faith like that, would make living easier...

@ kim: yes, uggs look like the kind of indoor slippers we know around here too, that's why I dislike em so much! Furry boots with a more "cultural" look to them, like mukluks for instance, appeal much more to my tastes :D

I too am very afraid to die and leave all that love for back ... but think that if the father is her boyfriend of 84 years, he has lived more moments of happiness that so many people! I'm sure he will no longer miss you, but now what you can do is just try to give much more happiness to him! so when he is gone, when you remember it, the main memory is of the happiest moments you shared :) I miss it when I remember my grandpa :(

i thought a lot about it too as a kid, but seriously it makes absolutely no difference. We can never know about those things, we can only make our (eventuelly, pragmatically overthought) best guesses about stuff like that. I really think when life ends, consciousness ends, when you ceased to exist you'll never even know about any bad death feelings or anything so there's absolutely no reason to be scared of anything while alive(and all the consequences...) But hell we're still just far evolved animals, we're not that reasonable i guess :d I think we need more closure than we can possibly have. Aint nothing wrong with that most of the time.. I believe in some kind of basic substance and energy flow that will do for 'God', but for the rest I prefer uncertaincy! That's like he coolest thing about life; you have to DIY, while anything's possible, really.On the other hand, science also opens doors of perception: i heard that we dream for a while just after we died, or brains are still somewhat active. Dreams can seem to last forever while in fact you dreamed for only just a minute..

on the outfit: totally you! seriously, have you ever looked cuter en young and flowerish and all, ohh! Art and seeking beauty are also well recognized ways of achieving your own defined infinity..

i thought a lot about it too as a kid, but seriously it makes absolutely no difference. We can never know about those things, we can only make our (eventuelly, pragmatically overthought) best guesses about stuff like that. I really think when life ends, consciousness ends, when you ceased to exist you'll never even know about any bad death feelings or anything so there's absolutely no reason to be scared of anything while alive(and all the consequences...) But hell we're still just far evolved animals, we're not that reasonable i guess :d I think we need more closure than we can possibly have. Aint nothing wrong with that most of the time.. I believe in some kind of basic substance and energy flow that will do for 'God', but for the rest I prefer uncertaincy! That's like he coolest thing about life; you have to DIY, while anything's possible, really.On the other hand, science also opens doors of perception: i heard that we dream for a while just after we died, or brains are still somewhat active. Dreams can seem to last forever while in fact you dreamed for only just a minute..

on the outfit: totally you! seriously, have you ever looked cuter en young and flowerish and all, ohh! Art and seeking beauty are also well recognized ways of achieving your own defined infinity..

I too am very afraid to die and leave all that love for back ... but think that if the father is her boyfriend of 84 years, he has lived more moments of happiness that so many people! I'm sure he will no longer miss you, but now what you can do is just try to give much more happiness to him! so when he is gone, when you remember it, the main memory is of the happiest moments you shared :) I miss it when I remember my grandpa :(

Thanks for your reply, kimberellie! I was a kid like that too, thinking of things way to complex and philosophical before most people would think about those things. And I can imagine how that would be comforting :) I wish I had faith like that, would make living easier...

@ kim: yes, uggs look like the kind of indoor slippers we know around here too, that's why I dislike em so much! Furry boots with a more "cultural" look to them, like mukluks for instance, appeal much more to my tastes :D

This outfit is so incredibly cool! Love love those tights!! Perfectly sytled!

I remember when I was a little girl I was scared of death for the same reason. I didn't wan to just stop existing! So what I did was I tried to remember before I was born and what it was like "not existing" to see if it was that bad. ! Only I realized I couldn't think of not existing because thinking entails existing! So I thought: I can't not be.

Somehow this sort of thinking went on inside the head of a five year old and it comforted me because it made me realize I would always "be". Since then, as an adult, I have come to believe in Christ (and an afterlife that is more than simply still "being"). Anyway, that's what your post made me think of!!