I think we need to be friends. I know, I know, why in the WORLD would you want to be friends with a Twilight/Rob “Open Mouth” Pattinson lover like me, (and more importantly why the H would I want to be friends with a smut-hound, Twi-hater like you?) but hear me out.

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I think we’re a lot alike. Sure you’re bitchier than me and pretty rude to Twilight fans and make your living writing gossip that no one really needs to hear about (and if I weren’t running a Twilight/Rob site myself, I would NEVER read you or have even heard of you- gossip ain’t my thang), but you’re also snarky and write with an “i don’t give a shit” attitude and are pretty spot-on about the whole of the Twi-dom most of the time. Plus you’re using Twilight/New Moon news to self-promote and like Sam Bradley, I kinda gotta give you some credit. Plus I secretly think you’re a Twifan yourself deep down. (But it’s okay, I can keep a secret.)

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My girls and I (we call ourselves “the quad”- go ahead, make fun) like to break things down Vanity-Fair Style (It’s a LTT/LTR thing, you wouldn’t understand) and today via e-mail we broke down your latest post about Nikki, Kristen & Oregano out and about in Vancouver:

Me: Did you see Lainey’s post today? I hate her, but I also love her snarkiness b/c she’s so right

Friend #1: She’s a nutjob, for the record. I’d LOVE to see what she looks like. Ten to one says the 4 of us are way more fabulouser than she is. Fo’ sho.

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Via Lainey: Nikki was spotted heading over to Rob’s. She stayed at his place a few hours, then they went out and hooked up with some friends… Next question, I know it’s coming: Are they dating? Doubtful. Are they f-cking? Probable.

Friend#1: Rob and Nikki are totally using each other for booty calls. I know y’all don’t want to hear that, but it’s true. They’ve done it before…they’ll probably do it again. And the thing is, Rob knows it’s just friends with benefits. But Nikki wants it to be more. Nikki needs it to be more…

So that’s the real deal. I feel it in my bones.

And if it’s not, he and Kristen are banging and this whole “holding hands with Oregano while skipping through the streets of Vancouver” thing was a total set up. KStew was completely looking at the cameras–making sure everyone saw her face, while holding his hand.

It was a set up. Big time. And NReed was there to ease the tension/awkwardness.

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Via Lainey: Am told RP was approached repeatedly, some girls doing the usual super loser twi-hard gushy flappy arms thing and others trying to front like they were too cool to obsess over a movie hunk and starting up a conversation with him anyway, because he can totally tell between super loser twi-hard hysterics and closet super loser twi-hard hystericsd. It’s a huge difference.

Friend #1: Finally, bitch that she is, Lainey is fairly correct in her assessment of Twi-fans.

And do we think that Oregano was trying too hard to look like Rob? Yes. We do.

Moon: PS: Lainey is probably a Twi-fan herself but like us can be funny about it and knows how to keep “the crazy” inside her brain instead of embarrassing the whole of the Twi-Dom. (aka the fans at the “how to be” screening this weekend.)

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Girl, we’d hate you less if you’d just come out of the closet. You love Twilight. You even loved Breaking Dawn and probably sleep with it under your pillow every night. Everyone is wondering who you’re blowing to get all this New Moon ‘smut,’ and we know that you’re getting it first hand. YOU’re stalking the set, YOU’re taking all the pics, YOU’re going up to Rob and pretending not to know who he is. Just admit it so we can all have a good ol’ laugh and become bffs. Too ashamed that you were bit by the Twi-bug? Make fun of yourself… that’s what we do.. we can even make fun of you for you, if you’d like. Get over yourself so we can come up and visit and all stalk the Wolf-pack together. I’ve got dibs on the dorky wolf!

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Love,
UnintendedChoice

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All pics and quotes from Lainey Gossip (our new bff- in consideration for the 5th member of “the quad”)

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I also realized after posting this that the 4th member of the quad wasn’t involved- whoops. We missed you Friend #2!