Like a beer coat, but more acceptable in the Home Counties

Why parents make great employees

Usually about this time, mummy bloggers write a long, heartfelt post counting their blessings for having had a year off with their kids, (unnecessarily) justify their decision to put their child in care and then add a little LOL about drinking hot tea and going to the loo in peace.

WTF, parents? If you can’t organize things so you can drink a hot cup of tea or have a wee without an audience how in the hell are you going to manage your professional life and its multiple demands?

However, assuming that one can actually walk and chew gum at the same time, there are plenty of great reasons that employers should hire parents of small children.

They are super efficient.G Minor had an hour nap this morning. In that time, I did my hair and makeup; prepped her lunch; had a chat to my mum on the phone; completely blitzed the study, filed a years worth of bank statements and threw away an entire bin bag of crap; cleaned the loo; and labeled some things for when she starts nursery. All the parents I know do this. Now imagine if all your employees worked at that pace.

They multitask like a mofoWatch any parent in the half hour before the kids eat supper. They’ll be making the kids’ food, prepping their own dinner for later, feeding the cat, updating the shopping list, messing about on social media, setting the table, refereeing a fight, wiping a nose, changing a nappy while the pasta come to the boil and fielding a call from their partner. I know the research says multitasking at work does not necessarily produce the highest quality work but at least that shit gets done, right?

They are great at organising team eventsEver had to entertain two small children in a tent in the rain? A parent will EASILY find ways to occupy rational adults for a half day of team building. And team meals out will booked weeks in advance, menus circulated and choices made, without anyone filling their drinking glass with tomato ketchup or popping their balloon in the restaurant toilets.

They are great value at the Christmas partyThey get a free pass from home on this night. Pass them the cheap wine and let them run wild. Fun for the whole team.

They are always preparedThe parents in your office will always have a clean tissue and a plaster for a blister. Their bag will be a mini-pharmacy of cough drops, cold and flu tablets and paracetamol. They’ll keep a hairbrush and a spare plastic shopping bag to carry things home in their desk and will usually sling you a fiver when you don’t have money for lunch.