The Best of the Worst: Family Childcare Edition (Triggers -especially pg 14 onward)

I'm seeing more and more posts along the lines of "Should I let my mom babysit? She never listens to what I tell her" or "Should we use my MIL as daycare? My husband wants to save money on childcare, but I have a bad feeling about it". I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread to refer these poor souls to, before it's too late. The Delivery Room Drama thread has prevented disasters for many of us; maybe this will help in the same way.
ETA: Just a request, guys: let's stick to stories about family members, please. I think this thread will be easier to navigate if it doesn't turn into a free-for-all. If someone else wants to start a thread about bad babysitters, that would be the best place for non-family stories to go. Thanks!

Comments (479)

I was a nanny while I was in college, and I watched a five-year-old and a two-year-old. Right around that time, SIL had her second DD. She decided to quit her job and stay home with her daughters, but still wanted to bring in some extra money, so she did some babysitting from her house. She ended up watching a little two-year-old boy--the same age as her older DD. It didn't go well. There were issues with SIL's older DD biting, and poor little Brody ended up with bites and bruises all over and became terrified of her. But SIL tended to let her DD run the place and would blame whoever she victimized for getting in her way (which is why I wouldn't do play dates).

One day, we met up at the zoo for a little joint outing. SIL had her six-month-old DD in the stroller and the two toddlers walking next to the stroller (I also had my two-year-old charge there). SIL put some Cheerios on the tray for DD2 and DD1 took one of the Cheerios. SIL grabbed her arm and slapped her hand, telling her to leave the Cheerios for the baby. A minute later, little Brody grabs a Cheerio. SIL loses it. She literally grabs the little boy by the arm, pulls him around, and spanks him on the butt like, three times. I was stunned speechless--this wasn't her kid. Who fucking hits someone else's kid?!

We ended up leaving shortly after that, and later on when I had gathered up the nerve, I told SIL that what she did was illegal. She told me that Brody's mom knew she spanked him and was okay with it, because SIL spanked her own DD and didn't want the kids to be treated unequally.

Whether that's true or not, SIL has a weird habit of trying to appropriate other people's kids--or at least show their parents that she has some kind of dominion over them. She once offered to give her newly post-partum friend a nap break and ended up giving her BFF's newborn her first bath while her BFF was asleep.

Now SIL is begging (BEGGING) to babysit my 13-month-old. Yeah, there's no way that bitch is going to be alone with my kid. I seriously wouldn't put it past her to cut his hair or something like that while I'm gone.

I was attempting to finish my masters when I was placed on bedrest. Not a big deal, I could finish my degree in the summer. So because I was unable to finish before DS was born I had to intern one day a week for ten weeks. But the first week I had to do four four hour days. DH suggested we have his mom watch DS for those ten days of the summer and the first week while I was on bedrest. I agreed but then thought better of it after seeing how she coparents my nieces.

After having reservations, I found my own paid nanny to watch DS that summer. I allowed my MIL to watch DS three days that first week because DH is an equal parent and wanted her to. He agreed with the nanny doing the rest of the summer. She didn't let my two month old take any naps. At all. He should have take two while she had him (he was up an hour, asleep for an hour at that time). When DH and I asked her about it she said "Grammy time is play time." I lost my shit. Told her I had arrangements for the rest of the summer and kicked her out. She has not watched DS since and claims he isn't a real grand kid cause she doesn't "know" him due to a lack of one on one time.

I've always known my mil would never babysit. With last pregnancy, I was on bed rest for ten weeks. I had a one year old at home and my husband travels for work. My mil called and said she is going to come get my child ( she's in Texas we are in Michigan). She was going to return him four weeks after the baby was born. The lady had met him once. I actually hung up on her and had my dh call her. She is now co for other reasons.

I'm a stay at home Mom and when I was pregnant with our son my Mil started rambling about how she couldn't wait for babysitting and overnights. We shut her down pretty quick and after I left the room she asked my husband why I was being so selfish about the baby. ha.I knew I wouldn't trust her (or anyone really) to babysit. She used to come down to my house for a "grandbaby fix" and hold him and get him to sleep. She never liked him to be awake and if he fussed she would tell him she didn't want to be around him if he would be like that and then she'd put him down and leave.

She'd beg to babysit still but honestly if she can't handle fussing how could I trust she wouldn't walk away from my child when he did it? I left him with her for 20 minutes once when he was around 6 months while I ran down to my house to change into swim clothes and came back to find her in front of the tv and my baby on the deck laying on a blanket while FIL sat in a chair watching him. MIL got "bored"

Pre-DWIL I used to let my Mom watch my baby for an hour once a week while I was in therapy for PPD. (yes same Mom who was so horrid about my nephew) She would dump my breastmilk and feed formula, fed him solids WAY before I was ready for him to receive. Cut a giant flipping hole in a bottle to feed him rice cereal... took off his cloth and put him in disposables. Constantly bathed him at her house. She had him an HOUR.

I should have known it would happen but yeah.. hindsight is 20/20

Nobody is alone with my kiddo now. He's 3 and I'd trust him with my neighbor over anyone in either of our families

The one time I let Bleach Queen watch DS so I could have some alone time with fresh new LO, she took him to the beach. I felt bad that he hadnt really gone that summer because of my pregnancy.
She forgot to give DS6 sunscreen. His pale little self was scorched under the five hours of August sun. Why did she forget? "I don't use it so I thought he'd be fine."
Says the lady with skin cancer spots and looks like a bronze raisin. (Not that shriveled but getting close in some spots).

We had my SIL watch my son right after DH and I got married so we both could work. DS was 7 mo at the time. She came to our place and sat on the computer the whole time. (we looked at the history) She fed him Oreo's. Which around our house are a big treat since we run such a strict budget. And she ate the rest of them. She denied feeding any to DS. But the proof was in his diaper the next day.

Fast forward to last week. It's been 7 years since then. Thought I would give SIL another chance. Boy was I wrong! She let my kids watch 3 moves in the 5ish hours I was gone for work. I had told them to play with toys and do puzzles and color since it was only 5 degrees F. When I got home the house was destroyed, she had yelled at the kids he whole time I was gone. We have a new puppy and they were just playing with her. But she yelled at them any time they tried to pick her up or get her to play with her toys. I showed her all food she could give the kids with the frozen pizza. (This lady can burn Jello. The easier the better for her.) She gave my 3 yo and 6 yo 1 piece of pizza and my 7 year old 2 pieces and she ate the other half of it!And on top of it all. She told my 3 yo to shut up because he was getting frustrated with a toy and was yelling at it. NEVER again. i thought maybe in the last 7 years she had grown up and become a decent person. NOPE!!!

This story is the very least of the reasons why we don't leave our children with anyone. EVER... My DS was about 14 months old when I left him with my mil for a few hours. He has the most beautiful white blond hair with curls. Can you guess what had happened while I was away? Mil had cut my sons hair. She gave him his FIRST haircut! That's not even the worst part! She gave him a mullet! Cut off his front hair/bangs to within 1/2 inch of his forhead and trimmed off some of his curls and gave him a freaking MULLET! Then she had the gall to show me the envelope that had his curls in it and said she was keeping them as a keepsake!I was young, stupid and had set up no boundaries with her. Eventually I let her babysit again. After my odd was born she would keep both of them overnight and they really enjoyed it. However, she would overfeed them with greasy crappy food and they would vomit on the 45min car ride home. She finally stopped after I warned her about doing it again. (Stupid me) several years later a major event happened (a *trigger* event which I won't talk about) but they will never stay with her again and only see her for a few minutes every 6 months or so. My advice to all mothers is: Don't ever leave your child with anyone, ever, if you wouldn't trust them with your own life. Even then reconsider 10 times before leaving your child with them. You dont know who the caregiver allows in their home while you aren't around. You don't know what evil can be in a person who looks and acts normal on the outside. So just don't do it.

This story is the very least of the reasons why we don't leave our children with anyone. EVER... My DS was about 14 months old when I left him with my mil for a few hours. He has the most beautiful white blond hair with curls. Can you guess what had happened while I was away? Mil had cut my sons hair. She gave him his FIRST haircut! That's not even the worst part! She gave him a mullet! Cut off his front hair/bangs to within 1/2 inch of his forhead and trimmed off some of his curls and gave him a freaking MULLET! Then she had the gall to show me the envelope that had his curls in it and said she was keeping them as a keepsake!I was young, stupid and had set up no boundaries with her. Eventually I let her babysit again. After my odd was born she would keep both of them overnight and they really enjoyed it. However, she would overfeed them with greasy crappy food and they would vomit on the 45min car ride home. She finally stopped after I warned her about doing it again. (Stupid me) several years later a major event happened (a *trigger* event which I won't talk about) but they will never stay with her again and only see her for a few minutes every 6 months or so. My advice to all mothers is: Don't ever leave your child with anyone, ever, if you wouldn't trust them with your own life. Even then reconsider 10 times before leaving your child with them. You dont know who the caregiver allows in their home while you aren't around. You don't know what evil can be in a person who looks and acts normal on the outside. So just don't do it.