When Willow Smith inquired about how it feels to have been so influential to an entire generation, that’s when Cudi broke down how his most recent struggles began.

“That’s where most of the bad stuff came in, because I have to live up to being this person and I don’t feel like that,” he told hosts Willow, Jada Pinkett Smith, and Adrienne Banfield-Jones, Jada’s mother. “It’s like doing a comedy but you’re miserable. It’s like my life was this show and I was always supposed to be on, but when the show was over I was completely miserable for a long time. I was not happy when I woke up in the morning, it started off with something as simple as that. Just being like ‘Why don’t I feel OK?’ and not really knowing what that was.”

Initially, Cudi added, he incorrectly thought these feelings were due to stress. Looking back, he elaborated on working through the traumas of his father’s death when he was 11, and subsequent deaths of a cousin and uncle.

He also gave fans some insight on what brings him solace these days and spoke about being clean. “Two years, two and a half years, off of cocaine,” he said, noting that he went through separate periods of heavy cocaine intake in his early 20s, as well as again during the Passion, Pain, & Demon Slayin’ era.

Cudi continued: “It’s a beautiful thing. I think just getting back out into the world, doing what I love again, has really been big for me. But then also, spending time with my daughter. … My daughter is my world.”