Month: April 2014

Where do I even begin with this topic? See, the problem with our society nowadays is that everyone wants an “Instagram” or Facebook” relationship. They want someone to post daily pictures with, with captions like “Love my bae” or “He’s my everything,” but they haven’t even come close to putting in the actual work in real life. Let’s not forget the ones where you can tell their whole relationship through their social media. (If you’re going to post pictures of the new boo, can we at least delete pictures of the old one? lol)

On a serious note, the reason why social media gets the best of relationships is because most couples make it the focus of the relationship. Ladies I’m talking to you mainly (and yes I know, men do it too). If your man even thinks about liking another girl’s picture you’re ready to jump down his throat, or vice versa. That’s called not having trust, and if you don’t trust him/her OFF social media, what makes you think you can trust them ON social media? Let’s not cover up the problems, by blaming social media. LADIES, if your man cheats it’s NOT because of social media. He was playing you well before you found out through social media, we as humans want something to blame so it’s normal for a man/woman to want to blame social media. Making them delete their social media will NOT solve the problem, because that’s NOT the problem. If they’re a flirty person and “too friendly,” they’re not ready to be committed and social media is NOT to blame.

The focus should always be on CHRIST. To have a healthy relationship, God should be the foundation of the relationship, because with God you have: Love, trust, patience, and so much more. The second important key is communication. This is hard for most people (including me) sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we want yell/scream our emotions. Learn to talk with your significant other about what’s bothering you and focus on finding a solution instead of what’s wrong. Always remember to PRAY. I’ll never forget the first time my husband just grabbed my hand and prayed in the middle of an argument. It brought tears to my eyes and filled my heart with so much joy that I completely forgot why the argument even began. Most importantly make sure you’re compatible with that person. This goes back to that fear of being single or “never getting married.” If they don’t bring out the complete best in you and don’t know Christ…it won’t change if you two have sex, have a child, move in together, or get married. I think a lot of people think they can change a person or things will change if they are put in certain situations and well…. that’s simply not true. YOU CAN’T CHANGE A PERSON UNLESS THEY WANT TO CHANGE. All you can do is pray for them and keep it moving.

So remember, don’t make social media the focus of your relationship, CHRIST should ALWAYS be the focus!

Break-ups are never easy. I remember our break-up like it was yesterday. It’s something that sticks with you and something that a lot women try to avoid, but it’s not avoidable. At some point in your life you’re going to get your heart broken..no matter how FINE you think you are lol. How you react and what decisions you make during that time will impact your life forever.

You have some women that say “I don’t need him, I’m going to put on my sexy dress and turn heads tonight!” Yeah bad idea. Sure, you may get your confidence back…but for all the wrong reasons and it’s only a temporary fix. You’re using your body to get attention and let’s be honest, men will be men and they will try to spit game to anything wearing a half naked outfit.

Then you have some women that before they can hang up the phone with one dude, they’re on to the next. Again, BAD idea. Sure, you’ll have another guy to fill that void TEMPORARILY. You’re only covering up the pain for the moment, but eventually the pain will come back. I can’t tell you how many times I see this on a daily basis. Not only is it a bad look, but it also makes you look dependent on a man.

Then you have some women giving up on love because they’re tired of getting their heart broken. All of these bad decisions I too made during our break-up. I had just turned 18 and thought to myself “I’m a beautiful girl, I can get any man,” but what I failed to realize was that the one man I needed in my life (besides my dad) was JESUS CHRIST. The person that needed fixing is YOU, and the only person to help you is God.

God spoke to me one day at the right time during one of the darkest times of my life. A family member was in the hospital sick and my family and I went to visit. My cousin Joey wanted to go visit the chapel that was inside the hospital so I went with him. We walked in and it was the first time in months that I felt peace. I can’t even tell you where my cousin went or if he was even in the room because what happened next was something out of a movie. I sat down, opened the bible and the first passage that popped up was Psalms and it was talking about love. Please forgive me because I don’t remember the exact passage but it was EXACTLY what I was going through and exactly what I needed to hear. To sum it up it basically talked about letting go and letting GOD. I knew that in that moment it wasn’t a coincidence that I walked into that chapel, and it wasn’t a coincidence that as soon as I opened the bible, it talked about everything I was feeling at the moment and how to trust that GOD will be there for me. I sat there in complete awe. I knew that God was talking to me and at that moment I cried and prayed and put all of my worries to God. From that day on I was at peace. I was no longer angry with Mike, I no longer had a desire to occupy my time with boys that I knew were not Godly men, I no longer wanted to go out clubbing. I started reading the bible more and filling my heart with God’s love, instead of a man’s love. I knew that if Michael were the man intended to be my husband, he would be. Needless to say more than 6 years later we’re happily married. Looking back I realized that I NEEDED that break-up more than ever. I needed to grow and I couldn’t do that with Michael by my side. I needed to put all of my worries unto the Lord to know that whatever I’m going through he will get me through it.

So to my ladies that are going through a bad and hurtful break-up….this is your time for growth. This is your time to get closer to God and to grow with him by your side (and his time too). I pray that he eases your pain and gives you strength to come out a better woman. In Jesus name AMEN. ❤

From the time we’re little girls, we’re taught that the ultimate prize is to get married. We’re given Barbie’s to play with and you couldn’t have a Barbie without Ken, the house, and of course the kids…. but too many girls focus on one thing and one thing only, THE MAN. So much, that they begin to act like wives before they even have a ring on it. Let me elaborate on what I mean by that, I mean moving in together, having sex, having children, and acting like one big happy family. There’s just one very important thing that’s missing…. God.

How can we call ourselves women or men of God, yet we don’t use him as the foundation of our life? How can we go to church and praise him and ask for his blessings, yet we’re telling him we don’t need him. This goes for men too, how can you be a leader of your household when you’re not preparing yourself to be a good husband? You’re moving your girlfriend in, but you won’t put a ring on it. You’re allowing her to act like your wife, but you won’t act like her husband…and what I mean by that is to lead her spiritually, respect her body, mind, and soul…to commit to her before the Lord…and for some, commit to her and her ONLY.

I’m not perfect and I know people make poor decisions, but this is your chance to get it RIGHT. I can’t tell you how many times I hear the saying “how do you know if you want to buy it, if you don’t test drive it first?” Attention people, YOU ARE NOT BUYING A CAR, you’re committing yourself to your new husband/wife before the Lord. When I hear people say this, I hear “I’m not ready to FULLY commit, so I’ll just test it out to see how it works, and MAYBE I’ll commit.” You don’t need to move in with someone to figure out what you already know deep down inside. You know you’re not ready but instead you move him/her in and start acting like a married couple. You have sex every night, cook dinner for each other, and you even call each other “wifey” and “hubby,” but what happens when marriage problems start happening? What happens when things get real after you two have kids together, when they start getting on your nerves, when he/she doesn’t want to spend all their time with you anymore, or worse…. when you find out they’re occupying their time with someone else? Now you move out with your kids and they become your “baby daddy” or “baby mama.” Resentment kicks in and now you start calling your “baby mama” or “baby daddy” crazy. Marriage is hard work and if you’re not ready for it, then don’t act like it. The difference between being single and having these issues and being married and having these issues is the commitment to God. When you’re married and things get tough, you don’t have that luxury of just walking away (which is why I will say it again, too many people are afraid of commitment). Marriage is hard work, but together with God as the leader your marriage is Fireproof.

A lot of times people think they’re ready to get married, but don’t realize that the person they marry WILL change. They may gain weight, pick up new habits, they may start losing their hair…. or my favorite phrase I always hear “WAIT UNTIL THE KIDS COME!”

Which is why it’s very important that you two become best friends. Let it be more than just physical and sexual. What I often see is that when kids come into the picture, the kids become the focus of the marriage. Ladies if you wake up at the crack of dawn to make your kids breakfast and prepare their lunch…. why would you not want to do the same for your husband?

Everyone that knows me, KNOWS I like my sleep. I need a full 8 hours and I don’t like my sleep to be interrupted. However, I enjoy catering to my man. It literally brings me joy, so I’ve been waking up early (literally just started, don’t judge me lol) and making my husband breakfast. I make him eggs; toast, bacon, and I’ll even cut up some fruit for him. He loves it, and it literally makes me so happy to know that something so simple can make his day!

I may not have any kids yet, but I do know that I don’t want to forget about my marriage when they do come. I want to always “date” my husband and have regular date nights. When our future children grow up and leave us, it will be just him and I again so I want to make sure we always remain best friends. I don’t want to end up with a stranger in my home, where the person I fell in love with and vowed to always love no matter what, becomes a stranger. When the kids move away, when the intimacy goes away, when my body changes and his body changes, I want to still love him, if not more. Obviously I know trials and tribulations will happen, I’m not naive to that, but I want to love my husband (if not MORE) the way I do today.

Which is why he’s my best friend. I literally tell my husband EVERYTHING. We have regular date nights, we laugh at the dumbest things, we have inside jokes, and he knows me better than I know myself…. I NEVER want that to change. To my singles: Make sure the person you decide to marry is someone you are compatible with, someone that you can call your best friend and love of your life. Make sure he/she is someone that brings out nothing but the BEST in you. To my married couples: NEVER stop dating your husband or wife. Make sure they’re your best friends. Don’t make the kids the center of your marriage, because when they’re gone…. it’s just YOU and your spouse.