CA: the day that i crash and burn is the one a your demise captor because theres no way that the burnin ship of ampora isnt takin out every last landweller there is to take out
CA: and im not glubbin desperate i just want to make sure my slurry gets paired with the appropriate stock and frankly i dont see any consideration bein thrown my way like an errant bottle a faygo
CA: you may hate your stupid eye beams and thus rightly want to deny any future descendant the misfortune of having your swill pump through their vessel but unlike you i have glubbin prestige to pass on here and i dont want it wasted on someone like nitram
CA: that bein said i am not singling out the possibility of nitram even if the very thought of such is enough to make an onionflower wilt

AG: OMG, Woooooooow. I'm impressed!
AG: Here I was, genuinely and wholeheartedly believing that nobody but Nitram could procure god tier status on stupidity!
AG: But I guess I could NOT be more wrong about that now.
AG: Unsurprisingly, Eridan seemed to have taken not third, not second, but first place! But not only that,
AG: He managed to discover newer tiers into the endless expansion of desperate stupidity.
AG: Let's give this stupid sack of shit a round of applause, shall we??
AG: Aaaaaaaahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!! You're absolutely fucking comical!
AG: I thought you couldn't get anymore pathetic than you actually already are, but oh BOY! I couldn't be happier to be wrong!!!
AG: Total yikes! And you wonder why you're such a fucking loser when it comes to romance.
AG: But aaaaaaaanyway, onto more pressing matters.
AG: Like, first of all Feferi, I honestly do not know what the fuck you mean when you say that I have a shit ton of relationship issues.
AG: Mind you, my love life could NOT be BETTER!!
AG: Like I'm perfectly content with it! I don't need any fucking fixing or an intervention or whatever the hell you and Nepeta have planned for me.
AG: And second of all, Tavros. Dear, stupid, little dumbass Toreadork.
AG: I think I speak for everyone when I s8y that we don't really need to get fucking caught up.
AG: I KNOW that you're fucking stupid and all, but the "information" that is being divulged onto this memo is pretty damn straightforward.
AG: And besides, Eridan's desperation isn't complicated in the least. It's just kinda ridiculously sad, honestly.
AG: HAHA, okay, maybe not kinda. Maybe more like
AG: Blatantly ridiculously fucking depressing! BAHAHA!
AG: Oh woooooooow. What was I thinking when I decided to go out with you?
AG: Sometimes I still wonder what was wrong with me, you know Eridan? Like, I, really, honest to god do not know what the fuck went through my head!
AG: Was I being delusional? Was I just being NICE and felt a little bit sorry for you????????
AG: I guess we'll never know for certain!!
AG: One thing we do know for certain though is that we are never, ever getting back together.
AG: Sorry, but not really sorry, but that ship had sailed right onto the horizon and rightfully SUNK!
AG: Buried deep within a fucking trench where it belongs.
AG: Never to be seen ever again.
AG: Amazing fucking ending, am I right???????? ::::)

TC: EyY vRiSkA gLaD yOu CoUlD pOp Up OuT oF nOwHeRE.
TC: hOnEsTlY aLl I cAn SaY iS eRiDaN fUcKeD uP aNd ShOuLd'Ve KePt To HiMsElF.
TC: aLsO hI tAvBrO. :o)
TC: bUt YeA eRiDaN yOu ReAlLy NeEd To StOp DoInG tHiS mOtHeRfUcKiNg ShIt BrO.
TC: OnE dAy AlL oF tHiS wIlL cOmE bAcK aNd SlIcE yOu RiGhT iN hAlF.
TC: wElL eItHeR tHiS oR sOmE oThEr ShIt.
TC: BuT lEt'S nOt AlL hUrT eRiDaN pHySiCaLlY uNlEsS hE tRuLy DeSeRvEs It.
TC: I dOn'T wAnNa HaRm AnY oF yOu BrOs, I WaNt Us AlL tO sHaRe OuR sWeEt MiRiClEs.
TC: BuT eRiBrO, yOu GoTtA kNoCk ThIs MoThErFuCkErY oFf.

GA: i feel that it is time for me to intrude into this chaotic mess
GA: the fact that you all choose to respond to this memo and not simply write it off as eridans usual theatrics surprises me but not really
GA: nepeta herself has yet to respond to this memo which was directed at her so i really cannot fathom the problem
GA: i must say though eridan you seem rather 'split' on your views of nepeta
GA: you should focus on getting a genuine moirail
GA: to help bring out your 'better half'
GA: not that i am proposing anything pale
GA: but your life is a bit of a mess
GA: and your constant kismetic infidelity never ceases to awe me
GA: it would be in everyone's best interest if you were to close this memo before it further evolves into a pitchfest of unrivaled proportions

AC:hey! dont think i cant find your memos, ampurra! heehee
AC: :33 < but if you really wanted to be included in my ships, you definitely could just ask me!
AC: :33 < i mean, i havent really seen you be very good with relationships at all recently anyway :||
AC: :33 < but yes, i am very busy with plenty of other ships and i will get to you eventually dont worry