Title: Follow You Into the DarkPairing: Sawyer/Kate, Jack/SawyerSummary: When Kate leaves in the middle of the night, Sawyer follows herRating: R Note: Post "Through the Looking Glass." A bit angsty, a bit hopeful. Thank you to zelda_zee for the beta.

Sawyer knew the signs well enough. Too many “wrong numbers” on her cell, too many hangups when he answered. He’d often wondered what his marks’ reaction had been when they realized their wives were cheating on them. Now he knew it was like getting punched in the stomach, when you’re not sure if you’re hurt so bad you’re going to cough up blood or if you’ve got the strength to stay and fight some more.

She’d never noticed what a light sleeper he was, how he’d wake whenever she got up. He bitterly congratulated himself on concealing that from her when she rose in the middle of the night and dressed quietly in the bathroom before heading to her rendezvous.

He followed her. Not too difficult as there was never much traffic on the roads at 4 a.m., even in L.A. The night air was cool through the open window. It would have helped wake him, but he was already wide awake. Tonight was the night she was going to leave him, he realized. It had been a long time coming. Too many times she'd given him the silent treatment, too many nights where he’d stay up watching TV when she went to bed. He tried to remember the last time they’d fucked. Probably before the phone calls had started.

When she took the exit for the airport, he felt a flash of panic. She really was leaving him, hopping a plane with her mystery man. He’d never been the one left behind but now, with a newfound morbid curiosity, he was going to see this through to the end, see just what it felt like when he saw her in the arms of another man.

But she didn’t head for the terminal. Instead, she turned onto a side access road. It meandered up a small hill, overlooking the runway below. He killed his headlights and followed behind slowly, but even that seemed too big a risk. She’d surely spot him on this tiny, deserted road, so he hung back, waiting.

He didn’t recognize the truck that she parked next to, but he did recognize the man who got out of it. Even with that ridiculous, scraggly beard, it was clearly Jack. Sawyer was surprised at how little it surprised him that that’s who she was meeting.

Somehow, it felt like less of a betrayal that it was Jack. She’d just been biding her time with Sawyer. It was Jack she’d really wanted and it was no secret that Jack had always been in love with her. This was inevitable.

Sawyer pulled off to the side and got out of his car, closing the door quietly. He crept closer on foot, wanting to hear the words, needing to hear her tell Jack what she’d never told him.

He stopped a few yards away, when he was close enough to see her face. He crouched low, confident of not being seen.

The two hadn’t embraced yet. Kate barely even looked at Jack. When she glanced up, her face was sorrowful, resigned. Jack stepped closer. “We have to go back,” he said, his voice so broken that for a second Sawyer doubted that it really was Jack. He couldn’t follow the script because now Kate was turning her back on him, just leaving Jack there.

Sawyer watched in confusion as Kate got back into her car and drove away, kicking up a cloud of dust. Jack stood there, swaying slightly, and then, like a puppet whose strings have been cut, he fell to his knees. His shoulders shook and he seemed to be sobbing, but there was no sound, and somehow that made it all the more wrenching.

He considered leaving Jack alone with his grief, leaving the man the last shred of dignity he’d lose if he realized Sawyer had seen him break down like this.

So he waited until Jack got to his feet, waited as Jack wiped his eyes with the dirty sleeve of his shirt and, with an unsteady, shuffling gait, lumbered slowly towards his truck.

Sawyer was just going to stand there and let him wander off on his sad, solitary way. That is, until Jack started the engine and gunned it angrily, heading straight for the chain link fence.

Sawyer ran, but it felt like he was moving in slow motion. He’d never catch up with the truck before it crashed. The fence and the steep embankment might not kill him, but those fucking planes down there sure as hell would and Sawyer couldn’t do a goddamn thing to stop Jack from destroying himself right in front of him.

He shouted Jack’s name, loud, desperate, his voice surely not audible over the whine of the truck’s engine, over the roar of the plane revving up for takeoff.

But Jack swerved at the last moment and cut the motor. He sat still in his truck, watching with dark, dead eyes as Sawyer approached him. There was a flicker of recognition but he showed no surprise at seeing Sawyer.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Sawyer slammed his hand down on the hood and Jack winced but he didn’t speak.

“You wanna kill yourself? Over her?”

Jack looked past him to the plane that was roaring into the sky overhead. He slumped against the seat, not fighting as Sawyer dragged him out of the truck. The bandage on Jack’s forehead and another one visible under his rolled-up shirt sleeve just confirmed that the little maneuver Sawyer had just witnessed wasn’t a momentary impulse. “You’re done drivin’ for the night, Big Guy.”

Sawyer slung Jack’s arm over his shoulder, struggling under the dead weight as they walked back towards his car. Jack smelled like vodka and cigarettes and stale sweat. God knew when he had showered last. Sawyer met no resistance as he deposited him none too gently into the passenger seat.

He planned to take Jack back to his home but Jack wouldn’t answer when he asked him where that was.

“Okay, empty your pockets.” Jack held up his hands with an odd, bitter laugh as he turned out his pockets. There was no wallet and Sawyer had his keys. All Sawyer found was a pill bottle, a prescription for oxycodone.The only address on it was the pharmacy’s, the 24-hour Rite Aid on Sunset.

“What am I gonna do with you?” Sawyer sighed, but he already knew what he was going to do. It’d serve Kate right when he showed up with the doc. He couldn’t wait to see her face when she saw Jack.

The drive back was surreal, like the kinds of dreams he used to have back on the island, where everything about the world they’d left behind was just a little off. He’d wake thinking he couldn’t even remember what it was like to drive a car, to see city lights zoom past, to breathe in smog and concrete and auto exhaust.

“Blinded by the Light,” came on the radio and when he glanced over, Jack seemed to be nodding to the music, although maybe he was just nodding off.

“You take some of these?” He demanded, holding up the bottle of pills. Another nod, maybe in answer, maybe not. “How many?”

He debated driving Jack to an emergency room instead, getting his stomach pumped. The pill bottle was maybe half full.

Jack shrugged, waving his hand in Sawyer’s general direction. “I only took two.” His speech was slurred enough to give Sawyer pause, but he was almost home. He made the turn towards the apartment on Franklin, praying he was making the right decision. He could always call the paramedics.

Kate was waiting at the door as he pulled up. She watched, her face expressionless, as he guided Jack into the apartment.

She grabbed Sawyer’s arm, pulling him aside. “What’s he doing here?” she demanded angrily, not bothering to drop her voice. “Sawyer, you don’t know...”

He jerked his arm away. “That’s right, I don’t know a damn thing, do I?”

She huffed impatiently. “Look, I wasn’t sneaking out to fuck him. He’s a mess, Sawyer. We can’t help him. He’s beyond help.”

He looked over at Jack, who leaned unsteadily against the wall in the hallway, right where Sawyer had left him. He blinked slowly at the both of them, as if what they were discussing had nothing to do with him.

“You see?” Kate closed her eyes for a moment, as if it was taking a huge effort to choose the next words. She stepped in close to Sawyer, talking low, just for his ears. “Sawyer, he’s lost it. There’s nothing we can do for him. He’s got this crazy idea...” She caught herself and shook her head. “Look, there’s no point going into it. We just need to leave him be. Believe me, James. It’s for his own good.”

Sawyer stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. “It’s Jack. How many times did he save your life and mine? He nearly fuckin’ killed himself tonight and you just wanna wash your hands?”

Her mouth was drawn in a firm line. “He can’t stay.”

“You’re a coldhearted bitch, you know that?”

She crossed her arms. “I don’t care. Either he leaves or I do.”

Sawyer gave her a long, hard stare before turning towards Jack. “Fine.”

Kate blinked. It was not the answer she expected, but her only protest was a small noise, a little dismayed hiccup as he took Jack by the arm. He heard her soft tread on the stairs. It wouldn’t take her long to pack, he figured, if she wasn’t packed already.

Sawyer guided Jack to the kitchen table, indicating he should sit. Jack just stared at the pile of mail on the table in front of him, not even seeing it. The Jack he knew would have gone to Kate, tried to make it better. This Jack just blinked, numbly, like some kind of sleepwalker who was waiting for the signal to awaken.

Kate came back down the stairs, her suitcase banging loudly on every step.

She waited expectantly in the doorway. There were any number of things Sawyer could say, but he found he didn’t want to say any of them. She waited for a moment and when she realized he wasn’t going to beg her to stay, she turned and with a small sigh, walked out the door.

He watched her go with something like relief and then he sat down at the table with Jack. “Day’s been a long time comin’,” he told Jack, even if he wasn’t listening. “Surprised it didn’t come sooner.”

It was like talking to himself, but it was better to hear the sound of his own voice than nothing. “Don’t you go blamin’ yourself.”

Jack nodded vaguely. His hands had been on his lap but now he raised his right hand to scratch at the bandage on his forehead. He moved to his beard next, rubbing it idly, probably an unconscious habit he’d picked up since growing the damn thing.

“Hey, Grizzly Adams. First order of business, let’s shave off that monstrosity. Make you look like a human again.”

He pushed Jack towards the bathroom, seating him on the toilet. In the brighter light here, Jack looked positively haggard. Sawyer just smiled at him, ignoring that growing sense of unease in his stomach. “Have you clean shaven in a jiffy. You just sit tight.”

He got out the shaving cream and a razor from the medicine cabinet and braced Jack’s knees between his legs, keeping him in place as best he could. Jack stared at the floor as Sawyer lathered his face, not helping, not hindering. “Look up for me, Doc,” Sawyer instructed, tilting Jack’s chin back for him.

Jack, for maybe the first time tonight, seemed to really look at him. His eyes were bright as Sawyer started in with the razor. “Now, it don’t hurt, does it?” Sawyer joked, but somehow the act of shaving Jack had become strangely intimate, because now that Jack was staring straight at him, eyes brimming with unshed tears and a quiet, unspoken desperation, it was Sawyer who had to look away.

“Hey, lookin’ better already,” he said loudly, surveying his own work. “More like yourself.”

Jack’s mouth twitched in what might be a smile.

“She’s not a bad person,” Sawyer said quietly, looking only at the razor as it scraped over the last bits of Jack’s beard. “Guess she just got scared. It’s rough when someone needs you. It’s not really... in her, I think.”

He hadn’t even thought of it in those terms until he said it out loud. He and Kate had steered clear of all the “love you, need you,” bullshit. It just was what it was, easy and uncomplicated and just there. And now it was gone but that didn’t matter because Jack needed him and that was more important.

“All done,” he announced, turning to rinse the razor in the sink. “You look a damn sight better. Now, I think you could use a shower.”

Jack rubbed his hand over his now-smooth face, nodding slightly.

“Yes? Okay. Here’s a towel. Shampoo’s in the shower. Take as long as you want.”

But Jack still sat there like a bump on a goddamned log, so Sawyer helped him get his shirt off, and then his shoes and jeans, and Jack was still slumped over, like an uncooperative child. He looked younger without that beard. He’d lost a lot of muscle tone. Sawyer remembered him having a nicely muscled chest with strong arms tanned by the sun. Now he looked frail and thin, his skin almost gray in the bathroom light.

“C’mon,” he said, helping Jack to his feet. He led him to the shower and then he had no choice but to help him step out of his dingy underwear. Jack didn’t start when the water hit him, he didn’t do anything, just let it wash over him, so Sawyer, with an aggrieved sigh, stripped down to his boxers and got in with him. It was like washing a large doll, one who stared at him blankly as he ran the soapy washcloth over his body. He hesitated to wash Jack’s genitals but then he muttered, “In for a penny, in for a pound.” He gave him a quick once-over in the front and was turning him to do the back -- damned if he was going to scrub every inch of him -- when Jack’s mouth brushed his.

Sawyer froze, wholly unprepared as Jack kissed him. I shoulda brushed his teeth, Sawyer thought, inwardly recoiling at Jack’s sour breath, but he didn’t draw back. For the first time tonight, Jack was acting instead of reacting. He took a step towards Sawyer, sighing as Sawyer’s hands moved back to his cock, this time without the washcloth. Sawyer didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed that Jack wasn’t hard. Probably the fault of the drugs that had him in such a fog.

Sawyer, whose dick wasn’t dulled by drugs, thought maybe he should push the issue, but then Jack dropped his head to Sawyer’s shoulder and just stayed there, hands resting lightly on Sawyer’s hips. The moment had passed. Sawyer’s arms went around Jack and they stood like that for a few minutes, the water washing over them both.

Finally, he reached past Jack to turn the water off. Jack followed him out of the shower, still as docile as a lamb, and Sawyer sat him down on the toilet, vigorously drying him off with a large bath towel. Jack's eyes were on Sawyer as he dried himself with a fresh towel, stepping out of his wet boxers and turning so that Jack wouldn’t see the state of his arousal, which would have been apparent to anyone who wasn’t a damn zombie.

He tied the towel around his waist and took Jack by the hand and led him upstairs to the bed. Jack readily laid down, rolling onto his stomach and clutching the pillow to his chest rather than resting his head on it. He looked so vulnerable that Sawyer felt ashamed of the flash of desire that spiked in him. Jack would probably offer no resistance if he climbed on top of him, if he spread his legs, if he fucked away both their sorrow and sadness the way he suddenly wanted to. But even if some small part of Jack wanted him, he was in no condition to give his consent.

It was okay, Sawyer figured, if he got into bed with Jack, if he wrapped his arms around him and if he told Jack that everything was going to be all right, that he was going to look out for him. He breathed in the fresh scent of soap on Jack’s skin and buried his chin in the pleasantly damp hair at the nape of Jack’s neck. Jack let out a deep sigh and his body relaxed and soon he was fast asleep.

It was a new feeling, being needed. He should be scared by it. He should have run, like Kate did. But right now, settled in warm with Jack in bed, he couldn’t think of anywhere else he wanted to be.

Current Mood: recumbent

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Comments

He and Kate had steered clear of all the “love you, need you,” bullshit. It just was what it was, easy and uncomplicated and just there. And now it was gone but that didn’t matter because Jack needed him and that was more important.

!! I'm a sucker for fics where one of them washes the other, so this was a nice surprise. And Kate is so very in-character here, too. I really like the slight hopeful upturn at the end. Thank you, this was absolutely delightful.

GAH! I wanted to jump in there and THROTTLE her. Jack would help her if their situations were reversed, but she's too selfish to understand that. Yay for Sawyer to the rescue, though! He knows what Jack did for them and will be there to put the pieces together.

Augh, I know! I was wondering how Kate would get to the point we saw in the finale, where she'd walk away from Jack instead of helping him, so that's what I was trying to stay true to here, that she thought there was no hope. But for Sawyer to watch someone die, especially Jack, well, he couldn't let that happen. I do think Sawyer is a lot more loyal and devoted than he's routinely given credit for.

And aww, a series? I don't know. :) I'm having trouble with my other series so I won't say yes and I won't say no, just I'll have to see! Thank you for the encouragement, though! :)

that was awesome, I am such a sucker for hurt/comfort... I love how Sawyer takes care of Jack, how there is absolutely no hesitation when Kate makes her ultimatum. there is no magical healing by the power of sex, not yet, and that is awesome too! great fic hun!

Oh, thank you, I'm such an h/c addict myself. ;) And sex seemed out of place here, with Jack in such a sorry state but I still wanted to have a hint of that attraction there. And yeah, it's hard for me to see Sawyer turning his back on someone the way Kate did in the finale. Not that Sawyer wouldn't, but I'd like to think he's more loyal, that way. (Then again, in canon, he didn't go back for Jack... but here's Kate, who did, walking away from Jack in the future!)

Like I said, I really like this fic. It just works well with that scene at the airport from the show and takes it in a direction that seems very in character to me. I like how you didn't focus at all on the hot, in fact, almost the opposite. That's a rare approach for a J/S fic, and I really like it here, because yeah, drug addicts are usually not terribly sexy and that bit of realism is refreshing.

I think the slight changes you made to Kate are great and make her character work better in the fic.

And again, I really love the ending and Sawyer's discovery of what it feels like to be needed and that he actually likes that feeling. It feels like possibly a new beginning for them both.

Oh thank you, hon, for this feedback and for your beta. I'm glad it seemed plausible because it is a bit of wish fulfillment, for Jack to have someone to come to his aid when he so desperately needs it, and obviously that can't be Kate. Sex seemed out of place here and not very likely, you're right.

I definitely have a thing for Sawyer taking care of Jack. I've written a few fics where he comforts Jack but I think this is the one where Jack's in the worst shape and needs him the most. And, I like to think, Sawyer would realize being needed is something he wants to embrace instead of run from. I really like the idea that this is a new beginning for them both, instead of the hopelessness we saw in the finale.

Thank you! It's a small idea, that Sawyer is there for Jack when Kate can't be, but I really wanted to write it. I guess it was just too sad to see Jack abandoned in the finale. I didn't want to do her too big a disservice, but we'd already seen her walk away from Jack. And I like the idea that Jack comes into Sawyer's life just as Kate leaves and that taking care of someone suits him where it just doesn't suit Kate.

It's beautiful! I love how you describe broken!Jack and Sawyer... wow! he's just amazing, he's such a true friend, loyal and full of understanding Sawyer stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. “It’s Jack. How many times did he save your life and mine? He nearly fuckin’ killed himself tonight and you just wanna wash your hands?”. Thanks for sharing this story with us. Are you planning a sequel, where this time Sawyer will try to fix Jack?? ♥

Oh Kate. How I would love to punch you. Sawyer's right, though. She doesn't have it in her to be needed. I must admit that it's incredibly satisfying for Sawyer to basically tell Kate to leave, to throw her ultimatum back in her face, because that would be the last thing she would expect. I always enjoy seeing people's complacence thrown back in their face.

And poor Jack, so numb and disconnected he can barely find the will to move. *sigh* They're all in quite a state, aren't they?

Ha, well, I didn't set out to vilify Kate here. I just wanted to keep true to what we saw in the finale, where she walks away from Jack and we don't really know why. And, of course, I wanted to have Sawyer step in and be that person Jack could turn to in his hour of need. I don't know if the man Kate had to get back to (in the finale) is Sawyer but I think if it was, he wouldn't keep settling for being second-best to her, that he'd want something more, that he'd want to be needed and loved, and of course Jack needs someone so badly and so they'd be drawn to each other.

How have you managed to take the on-screen and implicit off-screen mess we saw in "Through the Looking-Glass" and turned it into something... almost sweet? It's hard to believe that Kate could be at this point in her relationship with Jack, but the episode suggested that something had pushed her to that, and I like the way you've explored it. I kinda feel sorry for her too, of course... good Lord, I'm a sap. And Sawyer being canonical, believable, and completely soft-hearted and with the programme? ... How do you do it? I am in awe.

Someone had asked me to write a more hopeful post-finale fic and this is the most hopeful angle I could think of, where Sawyer comes to Jack's aid when he needs someone most, after Kate has walked away. We don't know why she does that, what's happened in the meantime, but I'm glad you felt some sympathy for her too, that she just can't help him. And aww, Sawyer. Of course, I see him as loyal and devoted and capable of being very generous, even as he mostly looks out for No. 1. I just think he couldn't stand by when someone he admired and considered a friend really needed him especially if that person was suicidal. That's the one thing I think Sawyer would absolutely step in to prevent. So anyway, you take all that and voila, fic! :) Thanks again for the rave review! ♥

“It’s Jack. How many times did he save your life and mine? He nearly fuckin’ killed himself tonight and you just wanna wash your hands?”Yes! That's what I was thinking during the finale, and I still don't know how Kate could not think the same!Anyway, glad to see her go. And you did a good job building the situation among Sawyer and Kate, so that Sawyer bringing home Jack was just the last straw and not the main reason for her leaving.I love the hurt/comfort situation, and the shaving scene, with Sawyer looking away seeing the desperation in Jack's eyes.And then the shower (and lol! at the sour breath!), with the image of them embraced. It's really emotional.Behind all this angst, there is still hope, and sweetness.

I'd like to see a sequel too, with Sawyer making Jack better. But then again, I'd like to see next part of "the bachelor" too *grins*. You stopped just before the J/S part! Of course, it's up to you, no pressure!:)

It is hard to imagine how Kate could turn her back on Jack when he's so broken and desperate but since that's what we saw in the finale, I just stayed with that. (And I do wonder what we'll end up seeing on the show. Perhaps she's very happy now and doesn't want Jack to ruin that? :-/)

Anyway, I'm glad this dynamic worked for you, especially that Jack's appearance is really the last straw for Sawyer and Kate's relationship, which was close to ending anyway. And of course I always adore Sawyer taking care of Jack since that's something I can totally picture and yet we've never seen on the show.

And The Bachelor ... well, I've written the J/S chapter and I just don't like it. :-/ So it awaits a rewrite. But thank you for your continued interest!

Holy good!fic, Batman! I loved this. I loved the whole dynamic, the fact that Kate couldn't do it and Sawyer's sense of obligation, of care. And just, Jack's total nonresponsiveness throughout. And the shower, and the slowness of everything. It's just wonderful. And I have to agree with whoever it was that called for a sequel. Yespls? Hehehe.

Oh, thank you! I just adore fics where Sawyer takes care of Jack. And I am kind of lousy lately at continuing fics but I'm flattered you want to see more of this! It is kind of a tenuous happy ending and I think dealing with Jack's addiction and despair wouldn't be that easy but I will definitely consider it!

Aww, so wonderful!You have Kate down so perfectly in this, in all her coldhearted bitchiness! :)I'm glad she left!

I love the scene at the airport, showing a different side to how the episode could've played out.Everything is so real, Sawyer wanting to help Jack, Jack just so vulnerable and, it hurts but the ending is so perfect. I think I'm also gonna have to agree, that a sequel is definitely in order!

Thank you! It is hard to imagine anyone turning their back on Jack and yet that's just what we saw Kate do in the finale. I have to think there that she doesn't realize he is suicidal (and here I think she doesn't really believe it when Sawyer tells her he is).

I'm so glad so many people share my hurt/comfort kink of Sawyer helping Jack! Poor Future!Broken!Jack just really needed someone and of course I'd love that to be Sawyer. I will keep a sequel in mind, thanks for asking! :)

This had a numb, but somehow tender feeling to it. I enjoyed the read and would love to see more of this particular chain of events. I always hate to see Jack so broken, but seeing him put back together is good and this was a great start. That beard of his makes him look like he got into a fight with a razor-- and the razor *lost,* so I'm glad you got rid of it.

GUH. That was GORGEOUS. I am such a sucker for the whole hurt/comfort thing. And the scene at the end with Jack clutching the pillow and Sawyer curling around him? Umm yeah, I think my heart exploded a little bit. Really really fantastic job, I'm saving this to the memories :)

Oh, thank you so much! I am such a sucker for hurt/comfort too, obviously! It hurts me to think of Jack so broken, which is why I had to send Sawyer in to help him. And aww, Jack with the pillow, that kinda broke my heart too. ♥

Oh, wow! ...Brain not working, very sorry. Amazing fic. Wanted to smack Kate (like I spent most of S3 wanting to do), and cheered when Sawyer just watched her leave. And the rest ... the rest was delicious and lovely and I truly apologize that I'm incapable of appropriate fb.*saves*

Thank you, hon! Yeah, S3 Kate definitely had her issues. *sighs* It's hard to imagine her turning her back on Jack after she was so insistent on going back for him but who knows what's happened in the meantime? The way they write Kate though, possibly not all that much! Anyway, I'm glad you liked this one. Everything is better when Sawyer and Jack realize they need each other.