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There’s been a growing tide of consumer pushback against
retailers for forcing the holiday season upon us earlier and
earlier every year, with everything from premature Christmas
decorations to Wal-Mart officially moving Black Friday to
Thanksgiving Day.

The Neiman Marcus Fantasy List is for alcoholic Dallas Botox
queens and Tallahassee trophy wives, and the FT’s “How To Spend
It” has zero credibility after a notoriously dubious British
banker’s rental property portfolio found its way front and center
under rather questionable circumstances.

Not to mention the fact that this year’s Financial Times Gift
Guide includes things like the Magimix vegetable shredder. I have
one; it’s great. But still, last time I checked, the insert isn’t
called “How To Spend It On Your Maid.”

And my apologies, there are no gift ideas for women in here. If
you don’t know what to buy a woman for Christmas, you’re an
idiot.

It’s no Aquariva Cento, but the Edison Marine Classic Cruiser is
the perfect runabout.

It’s all-electric, so think zero emissions — sort of like a Tesla
for the water.

It’s hand-made in America from beautiful solid African mahogany,
with exquisite attention to detail, and a dual prop that ensures
a smooth, yet powerful ride. It might not have the provenance or
sex appeal of many of its Italian predecessors, but it's stunning
nonetheless and, at $120,000, slightly more affordable.

For the John Gray (9 ½ Weeks) in you … Who knew a
scarf could be such a conversation piece?

At €3,600, it had better be.

This one-of-a-kind just so happens to be made using the silk
gland of a spider, courtesy of some crazy Icelandic company,
Srulirecht.

If that’s too
impractical, there’s also a €4,100 belt made from dolphin skin
and reindeer leather, which comes with a hook for alternate use
as an autoerotic asphyxia device.

Send the belt to Russell Brand and hope he uses it without the
appropriate safety precautions.

Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images

7. Something for fathers and sons.

Most people I know have been on safari at least once.

Carnival Cruise ships now basically dock at the Galapagos
Islands.

And Bill Ackmann won’t shut up about Myanmar.

So, why not travel by horseback across the land of Genghis
Khan, camping and fishing for the largest freshwater trout in
the world. Sweetwater Travel organizes some of the most
exotic fly-fishing trips in the world, most notably in
Mongolia.

As I said before in “How To Be A Man,” every man should learn
how to fly-fish.

Everyone has heard the story … A Texas oilman is at a Las Vegas
roulette table, sitting across from Kerry Packer. “Do you know
who I am? I’m worth fifty million bucks,” he says. Packer
stares back, shrugs, and says, “Fifty million? I’ll flip you
for it.”

That Texan is the kind of horse’s ass who buys a Purdey or
Holland & Holland shotgun.

So go Italian. Stick with Fabbri, or if you’re on a budget,
Perazzi is the gun of choice of Dick Cheney, and will run you
about $15,000 and up.