KILL IT WITH FIRE

Oh thank God. It’s just a wax statue. *removes gun from mouth* For a second I thought that there were two George Lopezes. What a terrifying, horrible world that would be: one in which cloning technology created more than one George Lopez. That thought literally gives me goosebumps and sends chills down my spine. And I don’t mean “literally” the way idiots use it. I mean it actually happens.

“Hey look at me, everybody! I’m a Mexican comic, choo know? See how my accent is totally what white people think Mexicans sound like? It’s because I pander, ése.” I typed that imagined quote with hands balled into fists of rage, by the way. It wasn’t easy.