"I’m too sacred for the sinners/And the saints wish I would leave." - Mark Heard

Friday, August 8, 2014

Music Review - Alice Cooper - Hey Stoopid

I was so stung from Trash that when 1991 rolled around I didn't even know Alice released Hey Stoopid*. Which is a good things because the man attempted to cash in on his recent ultra-major success# with a similar album, though the magic producer Desmond Child was unavailable so he turned to someone not as magical. My local library has this album in their collection so I'm lucky I didn't have to shell out real money for this heap**. That's right, it's a heap. You can only suppress your true self for so long and Cooper's personality leaks out a bit more on Stoopid than it did on Trash, but it's still pretty generic pop-rock music. To make up for the weak song writing and lack of singable melodies, the album is packed with musical guest stars, a bad sign. Hold on there, little square dude, I'll mention who at the appropriate time***.

If you don't like massive walls of vocals then you'd best not even start on this album because they are everywhere, even starting the first (title) track which is one of the few decent songs. Slash and Joe Satriani both add their guitar prowess, though I really don't hear much playing that sounds like either of them. Ditto for Ozzy Osbourne who sang on the song, the entirety of which is "You know I know" a few times. Still, the song has some great energy appropriate for the crowd-singalong rock anthem that it was engineered to be. The lyrics for "Snakebite" are, pardon my French, completely idiotic****. "Burning Our Bed" isn't too bad, being a break-up anti-ballad with more Satriani and a pleasing nod at longtime fans with the line of "Sometimes a man can bleed." "Might As Well Be On Mars" was co-written with longtime co-writer Dick Wagner. This power ballad reaches high, for epic status even, and just barely misses it's goal. I wonder what Bob Ezra would do with this song?

"Feed My Frankenstein##" made some news because both Joe Satriani and Steve Vai played on it. The best parts of this song are the guitar solos by these boys. The lyrics make no sense, either directly or as the intended inuendo. And then there are the background vocals saying "He's a psycho." Uh, I'm not getting it, Mr. Cooper. Can you make it more simpler for me to understand?***** "Die For You" is ANOTHER ballad. It's the best one so far but there's such a thing as too many ballads and that line has definitely been crossed. "Wind-Up Toy" attempts to add some Cooperism at the very end but it's too little, too late, sounding cheesy and hammy### in the context instead of creepy or even humorous. The rest of the songs on the album aren't even worth writing about.

Rank: For Mr. Joe Blow Bud Lite who goes to concerts and thinks he likes Alice Cooper but really only knows the hits.

* Plus I might have been on a "Christian music only" kick.

# Meaning they didn't even bother with a tour stop in itty bitty Fort Wayne Indiana.

** That is if you don't count money from my property taxes which goes to buy a whole bunch of garbage I wouldn't pay for in real life, like teen vampire fiction.

*** Except I didn't so I will here. Vinnie Moore of U.F.O., Nikki Sixx and Mick Mars#### of Motley Crue, and Elvira. I thought two guys from Aerosmith here on this but that must have been Trash.

**** Would you like a refill on your coffee Mister Snakebite?

## Two Frankenstein songs in five years? Bad form, Mr. Cooper.

***** Though I have to smile at the line "Make my tattoos melt in the heat" because Alice has no tattoos. Yes, very odd in todays inked up rock culture but his bassist of many years (since 2002- I think that's a record for Cooper), Chuck Garric, more than makes up for Alice's clear skin.

### Mmmmm.... ham and cheese.

#### Have you seen Mick Mars lately? He makes the Rolling Stones look like fresh-faced twenty year olds. The rock lifestyle can be a hard one.