Tea Leoni & Billy Bob Thornton? WTF?

Get this: Turns out David Duchnovny’s “sex addiction” (Read: He has a penis.) was not the cause of his separation from Tea Leoni, but instead she was having an affair with Billy Bob Fucking Thornton. How does this guy keep getting chicks? Anyway, Mulder supposedly found text messages between Tea and Billy Bob causing things to go South, according to the Daily Mail:

Through the texts Duchovny found out she had begun a relationship with Oscar-winning actor Billy Bob Thornton, 53, who was formerly married to Angelina Jolie.
Thornton, a musician with his own band, has been seen with Téa at his gigs.
‘She even helps him load and unload his truck,’ says a friend of the couple.

She hauls his instruments for him. So that’s how Billy Bob does it. Here I’ve been taking chicks to fancy dinners like an idiot when I should’ve been treating them like a roadie. Excuse me, I need to tell my date we’re bailing on Olive Garden tonight, and that she better know how to work a soundboard.

UPDATE: She told me to “eat a dick.” So, ladies, should I take that as “Yes, you’re getting laid tonight.” or “Perhaps at a later date?” If it helps with the decryption, she also tried to pepper spray me through the phone.

Thanks to Kristen whose physical prowess suggests she can haul some amps like a mofo.

Man, I loved Tea in Family Man. Her little shower dance made me want to plug her in the worst way. And knowing that she was married to Duchovny, who had one of the largest porn collections in Hollywood–and bragged about it–and she was ok with it before he did sex rehab made me think she was pretty easy going. But now I see she let Billy bob plug her. I mean, Billy Bob. Let me say that again–Billy Bob. That is messed up.

Bastard sons begat your cunting daughters
Promiscuous mothers with incestuous fathers
Ingrate souls condemned for all eternity
Sustained by immoral observance
A domineering deity
On and on SOUTH OF HEAVEN!