QLD bans public smoking, allows public masturbation as alternative for stress relief

by gournalist

As Queensland cracks down on cleaning up public filth a new law as been passed that has banned smoking in all public spaces.

However, as controversial as this new law is, the Queensland Government has decriminalised and encouraged public masturbation to allow smokers an alternative for stress relief.

“At first I was furious,” Brisbane local, Alex Barnaby, told The Gournalist. “But now I can have a ten minute wank break instead and now I’m more productive at my job.”

Sally Freeman, a local single mum says, “I’ve always thought smoking was disgusting. I never smoked a cigarette in my life. But now I don’t have to be ashamed if I wanna give my snatch a good whack while my kids play in the park.”

The new law has also spawned a new fad called “spunkball’. This is where several players engage in a paintball-like game, but instead of paint they use bodily fluids.

The Queensland Government has responded by restricting masturbation to twice a day only and by subsidising condom purchases.