Hurrah, it's Friday! Which means tonight, my friends, another housemate will be booted out of Camp Moron, but probably still leaving more of them than we started with. How can there still be fourteen of them in there? Are they BREEDING, and creating a master race of super-morons? Is no-one looking into this?

Anyway, last week, Mr Potato Head got evicted (yay!), and is no doubt still being consoled by his millions of adoring fans from Deluded Avenue, Wishful Thinking, Cheshire.

Tonight it's between Rex and Belinda - I'll be here from 9 till 10 to liveblog every highbrow minute of the pre-eviction show, then back at 10.30 for Davina's insight-free interview with the Booted One. Who may or may not be wearing boots, I have no advance information on this.

Do feel free to join in by adding your thoughts and random ramblings in the box below, and don't forget to click refresh for updates and new comments.

So, it's confession time, people. Forgive me, BB lovers, for I have sinned. After eight years of devoted worship at the Church of Big Brother, I'm afraid I have forsaken this series; mainly due to watching a couple of shows in the first week and deciding that Channel 4 have really outdone themselves in the vile contestant stakes this year. And also I'm still sulking about Dermot leaving BBLB, because I love him. Dermot, call me, OK?

But one cannot ignore a call to action from Guardian Towers, so here I am. And, brilliantly, I discovered that the lovely client I had lunch with today has watched EVERY episode, so was able to bring me fully up to speed on the goings-on of the past week. Although I also discovered she used to be a member of the Young Conservatives and the Pony Club, but we won't hold it against her. Much.

So - Rex or Belinda? Well, it's looking very likely to be Belinda, who I'm told is quite theatrical (shudder), asks too many probing questions of people she's only just met, and snores like a choking walrus. Although Rex is also a bit of a tit, apparently, and a giant bullshitter who witters on endlessly about his job as an 'Executive Chef'. Whatever the hell that is.

So what do YOU think? Who should go? Who should win the whole series? Who's got the most (i.e any) redeeming features? Why aren't there any charming, funny housemates anymore? Can this series be saved? What fashion aberration will Vina be sporting this week? Do tell.

Back at 9!

21:00: Ooh, we're off. Sorry, got caught up with celebrity masterchef on the other blog. All very exciting.

Bloody hell, what is Dav wearing? Loving the quiffy hair, but she's sporting a hideous belted jumpsuit thing and a camel hoof you could hide your remote control in. It's Tyrannosaurus Rex versus Belindasnorus, she tells us, hilariously. Get Belex out! shout the crowd. Alas, you can't have both. Oh, if only.

Time for what went on yesterday. Is it just me, or does the house looking really dirty? Don't they have a vacuum cleaner? I foresee rodents. Anyway, as Head of House, Darnell has to do the shopping on his own, which is a recipe for disaster, clearly. They are all arguing about whether you should buy cornflakes, or milk, or eggs, and everyone is shouting over each other in a helpful manner.

Having removed all remaining food from the house, they have each been given a lunchbox, and are disproportionately excited about it. Everyone is swapping the bits they don't like, and it's like being back at school. "Ooh, I've got a Kraft cheese slice" says Mikey. Bless.

Rex is asking the Welsh girl whose name I can't remember (Rachel?) to pluck the hairs from his back. I tell you what, he knows how to charm a girl, doesn't he?

21:13: Luke thinks Rex is going, until someone suggests he might stay, at which point he says 'exactly'. I am finding him very tiresome, like the irritating cousin at a wedding who repeatedly reminds you of when he saw you naked in your paddling pool. Lisa says Rex is arrogant, while Bex stuffs crisps in her mouth like they might spontaneously combust at any moment.

Ad break!

21:15: Davina's back, and her hair has grown several inches since we last saw her. I'm thinking the belt is to protect her from anyone who might want to punch her, hard. I can't think of anyone who might want to do that, can you?

Bex and Sara are 'smurking' outside the ashtray, god forbid, whilst Darnell is doing the shopping list, which cannot possibly go well. They are buying value eggs, which would not win them any votes from Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, or me for that matter.

In the bedroom, Team Hell are discussing how Heaven throwing pillows makes them look lively, whilst they look boring. Remember those hazy days when no-one thought about how they looked to the outside world? Ah, nostalgia.

Stuart has had enough, and wants to walk. Well go on then, we're not stopping you. Oh hang on, of course. No Heat cover with your shirt off if you leave of your own accord. Silly me.

21: 20: Everyone is kicking off because Darnell didn't buy chocolate for Mikey and forgot to buy potatoes, or self-raising flour. So they have to make cookies instead of cakes, and you'd think the WORLD was ending. And no veg, which is probably more worrying.

"We don't need to shout at him, he'll get his comeuppance", says Luke, in a sinister Alex-like fashion. Maybe he knows people on the outside who can dump spuds on his family's doorstep. Luke says there is NOTHING he can eat next week, and he will probably FAINT. Oh shut up, you tit.

But POTATOES. I mean, everyone knows that potatoes are essential to human life, like oxygen and cheap cider. Sad to think that Darnell will probably now be evicted next week because of a Maris Piper oversight. And there's a line I don't write every day.

They have a task, to shovel shit in the garden. I can't help feeling it is a giant metaphor for this show. Later they will be polishing a turd.

21:29: Davina's ladybits are inhaling her trousers, and her hair is now 17 inches high.

Back in the house, Belinda says Luke looks a bit like Justin Timberlake. Umm, no. Not even to Mikey. He does look like Pob, though.

Hurrah, the shopping arrives and BB has given them fruit and vegetables. Probably to prevent scurvy, and ensure they're not all stuck in the loo all week, which frankly doesn't make good telly. Or maybe they feared for Darnell's life at the hands of an angry mob.

The shopping also includes a pair of fake breasts which, predictably, Bex runs around wearing. Unnecessarily, since she's had her actual boobs out pretty much constantly since the show started. They all bitch at Darnell about the lack of coffee and bread, and pretty much everything else. They have 16 biscuits each though. Some of them custard creams.

Rex holds up and artichoke and asks if anyone knows what it is. No one does, and he looks joyfully smug. Alas, no one shoves it up his left nostril.

21:36: Bex and Luke are in the diary room, yelling about how they are going to DIE because they don't have the BASIC KINDS OF FOOD that people have EVERY DAY. Luke will faint, he is shaking, tea is IN HIS BODY and he will DIE.

I hate him with every fibre in my being. Is that wrong?

Belinda has to choose someone to go to luxury jail. She chooses Darnell, but clearly the decision is a heartrending one, that is very hard for her to make, and she is suffering inside, like someone who's really, like suffering, you know?

OH, MY EYES! Lisa is dressed in a binbag, and is strutting round the garden singing 'Big Spender'. Looking like a man, in a binbag, singing Shirley, and I've having flashbacks to a bar in Prague, but that's another story. Someone make it stop, please.

Davina's going to talk to the house after the break, and she's holding a small house in her hand, see!? See what she did there?. My sides are splitting. Look. Splitting.

21:48:: They're still having a rubbish time in hell, and Rex is attempting to beatbox, but it sounds crap, frankly. The bin bag trannies are in the diary room, looking like they're off to an amateur production of Rocky Horror. There is no booze, apparently. What, they're SOBER, and got dressed up like THAT?

Bex and Luke/Pob are flirting in the bedroom. I feel ill.

Stuart is in the diary room, and is sad. He's missing his daughter, and his giant fake eyelashes are clogging with tears.

OK, I understand it's hard, but it was your choice to be there, no? Or am I just being angry cynic-woman this evening? Sorry.

Luke is now in Bex's bed, and he is hurling insults, possibly thinking this is sexy.

It isn't.

21:55:: Vina's talking to the house, and BELINDA'S OUT! Well, no surprise there. She appears to have drawn on swirly eye makeup. But then she does something in the theatre, dahlings, so this kind of creative hoo-ha is very important when one is facing one's audience.

Rex can't believe he's still there, and the audience haven't let him out. The housemates ARE clear that they can leave at any time, aren't they?

Back at 10.30!

10:30:: I have fuelled myself with dinner of rhubarb yoghurt ("10pm in the Stephens hoose, and Heidi hasn't been to Sainsbury's yet"), and I had to suffer Jimmy Carr because teenage son thinks it hilarious. He'll grow out of it, won't he?

It's 10% day at Homebase this weekend. In case, you know, you care.

Davina's dress has shifted back onto both shoulders, but still looks bloody ghastly. I trust her stylist has been fired without pay.

We see the announcement again. I've just noticed that Rex is wearing what looks like a grubby vest. Was he planning to leave the house in that?

Rex says he might run for it, because his family are out there with parties ready to go. Yeah, that's never going to happen, is it, vest boy?

"Big Brother House, this is Davina. You are live on Channel 4, please do not sing". Hahaha. Davina, you are such a WAG.

Belinda is wearing Geri Halliwell's union jack dress, or at least the one Geri would have worn had she been roughly the size of a barge. At least it makes Vina's outfit look classy.

There is booing, but Belinda doesn't care. She works it for the cameras, like the drama queen she is.

22:43: We're back, and Belinda is already getting on my wick. It has been 'a rollercoaster of a ride', she tells us, predictably.

We see who nominated her, and why. It is because she is nosy, and asks too many personal questions, and sings a lot, and has a giant snoring problem. All sounds reasonable to me.

And oh my god she doesn't SHUT UP, does she?

Belinda has many favourite sexual positions, she tells us, and flails her legs a bit to show us a few. My rhubarb yoghurt is back.

We see Belinda's snoring, and it's horrible. A whole raft of incredibly loud animal noises - I would have smothered her.

Hmm. OK, I've never seen Belinda before, and she comes over as being very intelligent and eloquent. But just REALLY annoying and in your face - she talks over people and witters on and it's all drama and facial expressions and jazz hands and theatrics.

Oh dear god she sings doo-bah-doo-bah-day Experimental Jazz. How has she lasted two weeks without someone sticking her head in the oven?

They talk about the cycling task, and Belinda says "OH my LABIA!!". And...there's the rest of my rhubarb yoghurt. She is a bit of a laugh, I'll give her that.

She makes up a song about her 'extraordinary time in the house', which is just her talking about her extraordinary time in the house, in a terrible singy voice.

Her best bits - singing, snoring, being theatrical, dancing, more singing. I bet you any money she's got a magnet on her fridge that says "you don't have to mad to live here, but it helps!"

Bye bye Belinda, I can't help feeling that you might not be missed that much.

And that's it, people! Thank you for joining and for your comments, you have been fab and hilarious as ever. Have a fantastic weekend, Hx