(Closed) Help! How do I convince FH it’s okay to say no to +1s?!

Okay, so we’re having a small wedding, about 70 people. And due to budget constraints, we really need to stay there. We’re having a problem with FI’s family wanting to bring “friends.” We specifically stated that we’d love to accomodate everyone’s guests, but are having a small celebration and may not be able to. My family/friends seem to get that. Our RSVP is through our website, so I get an email each time someone RSVPs.

The current problem– someone who is not FI’s family (ex-husband of FMIL), who we didn’t expect to come, has RSVP’d for himself and a “friend.” He then reached out to me to verify that was fine (not to ask). Now, this guy hardly knows me and was cruel to FI as a kid. His invite was addressed to him only. If FH had his way, everyone would have a +1, and our budget would be totally blown.

How can I convince him it’s okay to say I’m sorry, but no (in a more tactful manner)? One other was his grandmother… really, why on earth would she need a +1?? (not married or dating and will have ALL her family there)?! I said that was fine, so that’s just venting.

Most people don’t put a +1 for grandmother unless she is actually dating someone. That would be awkward IMO to give her a +1. But who knows. As far as the friend goes, how did he contact you about the +1? If it was through e-mail, it would be really easy for me to e-mail him back and say, nope. But it would be harder for me to say something in person. I felt really bad about not giving people +1s for the wedding… so I went back and told everyone they can bring someone if they want to. It just makes weddings more enjoyable if you can bring a guest/date IMO.

Would adding another 30-50 people really blow your budget? I’m not being sacastic, I’m really asking.

I had to break it down little kid style for my FI… adding people means adding $60 to eat, escort card, favor, OOT bag, program, menu. If we invite enough +1 that will result in an extra table, centerpiece and cake so in total a few extra +1 will result in a giant chunk of money for people we don’t even know. I got the wide open eye, chin dropped and “Oh I didn’t even think of that”.

Yes, another 30-50 people would seriously blow our budget because of food costs. Also, this is all family and close friends, so no one will be “alone.” Really, we envision celebrating with our nearest and dearest, not people we’ve never met/heard of. Is that rude? (Real question)

It was an email, but I’m letting fi handle him- although he hates him, so I’m not sure how that’s going to go. FI just doesn’t want to say no, even though we’ve made this clear.

@pasquel: haha I wish that would work! I’m not even sure why he doesn’t want to say no. Maybe I should find that out. He knows the cost involved (and our budget), but he’s still in la la land. His view is, “But it’s only a few people…” Which quickly turns into 10… which is another table, and yes, about $1000 extra for folks we don’t know!

I counted out the number of FAMILY members i’ve had to exclude due to budget/space issues. My FI and other friends who have dare asked to bring a +1 know that if there are any declines, they are going to my family.

It simply does not make sense for a stranger to come to my wedding when there are so many other people i love and care for that are already being excluded.

@stephanie920: Oh, well if it really breaks the bank then I would either make FI tell him no, or do it myself. But even if a friend knows you, they may not know your family. And they won’t be spending but maybe 3 minutes with you the whole time… so that’s why I think it’s nice to have a date. No, it’s not rude to not have +1s, as long as you let married couples come together, and people in serious relationships. I wouldn’t worry too much about it! Anyone who can’t deal without a +1 just won’t come.

We’re going through this right now with just invites. I had to say to him the invites cost x amt of dollars. in general, would you just walk up to this person on the street and give them x amt of dollars with nothing in return?

Our guest list dropped by abt 40 ppl give or take this afternoon!

I agree he needs to see each person as an exact amt of money, and then ask him if he’d just throw that out the window to a stranger!