~ Cogito ergo sum

Category Archives: Repatriation

As I write this, I wonder how many parts this repatriation story will have. Two and half months should be enough time to get back into the American swing of things — right? It’s so complicated, though. I feel like I’m in this ‘in between’ place — not where I was before and not yet where I want to be now.

I’ve had a few pauses in my life where I felt stuck in one place until I got a green light to move forward. One of them was when I was ready to get married and Dick was not. 🤨 Another was when I got the job offer at NATO, but I had to wait five months for a security clearance. These pauses give me anxiety because I don’t like having little or no control over the situation. I do all that I know to do, then come to a point where I can only wait. I think I’m a relatively patient person, but I get VERY impatient in these situations! 😫

I have an almost obsessive need to know and plan. I love finding information and putting things in order (throw in a fascination with history and it’s no surprise that I chose archives as my profession). I loved planning our adventures in Europe. I scoured travel blogs and tourist sites for information and then planned detailed itineraries. Much of my life is organized in OneNote; my Google map is a thing of beauty; hello, my name is Amy and I’m a Pinterest addict. 😛

My days right now are largely unplanned. I can’t keep the days straight because one day runs into another. I delay getting up some mornings because I feel like I have no particular purpose for the day. I have no set routine and that’s depressing. I have ideas and intentions of meaningful purposes, but I’m hesitant to act on most of them because I think I need a better idea of what my schedule and location will be in the future. Just so you know, I’m reading the inspirational ‘how to make the most of life now’ books and blogs. I get it. I really do. So even while I’m impatient with this pause in my life, I’m also allowing myself the pause. I’m just trying to explain the ‘in-between’ phenomenon.

Part of this pause is figuring out what I really want to do next. I’ve spent the last seven years in jobs that were frustratingly arduous. I’m grateful for these jobs and I gained so much, but I dreaded every Monday and looked forward to every Friday (or vacation day!). Even though I’ve been determined to take the time to find a job that I will enjoy and even though my dear husband agreed, I’ve had moments of panic (or impatience) where I applied for jobs because I NEED a job. This has gotten me in a bind of then having to interview for these less than desirable jobs. Kick myself. 😖 I turned down a job last week after the second interview because it gave me anxiety just thinking about how much I didn’t want to do it. I had an interview for a part time job (8 hrs a week) last week and I was a little uneasy about it because it’s not quite my thing. I didn’t get the job, so that’s settled. I’m now vying for four open jobs that I’m feeling good about and that gives me hope!

Dick is also slogging through the job hunt. He had a phone interview scheduled last week, but they didn’t call . . . and they didn’t reschedule. Who does that?! 😠 He gets calls from recruiters almost every day and his resume has been submitted for several temp jobs. A promising connection for a long term position is in the works. 🙏 🤞He’s proactive with networking and doing webinars to get advice, which I have to hope will eventually pay off.

We are settled into our apartment and that’s a positive move forward. It’s feels homey with our own furniture and “stuff” around. 🛋 We still have a full storage unit and we’ve made many trips back and forth to it as we figure out what we do/do not need right now. After we unpacked, we returned unnecessary boxes of stuff. Then there were odd things missing that we had to find in unpacked boxes, like the remote to the TV and the glass plate for the microwave. We seriously have too much stuff and it gets overwhelming! We’ve dropped off some donations and several things have been posted for sale. Progress. As much as we dread moving again soon, we will buy a permanent home as soon as we can. I browse Zillow every day and we’ve attended several open houses. It’s a bit of self-imposed torture, but this girl HAS to plan or um, keep the dream alive. 🤓

This is the part where it gets icky. It kinda feels like camping without all the fun activities. We’re ‘camping’ in a furnished, third floor walk up, one bedroom apartment in the fringe where urban meets suburban. The neighborhood appears to be safe enough, but there’s no outdoor space and we don’t have good views from the windows (parking lot and trash bins). There really isn’t any place to walk to either. Dick and I tried a trail nearby, which was fine except for the garbage strewn everywhere. The street is filled with huge houses split into multiple apartments and Spanish music can be heard all around. The apartment kitchen has the very basics and cooking healthy recipes has been a challenge. We’re doing another Whole30 during the month of July to detox from overindulgence during our travels.

The job thing is still unsettled and that’s stressful. Dick has the best prospects and we’re praying that one of them solidifies into a permanent position. One promising opportunity fell through after two rounds of interviews, but he has a tentative offer from an agency in Boston. They need to go through the search formalities and don’t expect the hire to happen until mid-August. It’s wait and see for now and Dick will do some temp work in the meantime. My search has stagnated. Three applications are pending, but I’m losing confidence in them as time goes by with no contact. I’ve applied at a temp agency for library type jobs and will see if anything comes of it. Lot’s of waiting going on here!

We’ve decided that we will have to move into an apartment for several months until the job thing is settled and we can buy a house. We’re looking at apartment complexes that offer short term leases and are close to commuter rail. Dick also wants to be close to Kathryn’s school during her busy fall activities. Our shipment of household goods arrived after 4 weeks of travel and 2 weeks in customs. We’ll have to sort two storage units to figure out what we will move into an apartment temporarily. Fun stuff!

It’s weird that the transition back is so much more difficult than our transition to The Netherlands. The landscape, culture and people here are all well known to us, but without a job or a home we feel unmoored.

Some days we are discouraged and impatient, but we try to keep in mind that our basic needs are met and it’s only been six weeks. We have so much to be thankful for and so many memories to savor! God is good!

Repatriation is defined as “the return of someone to their own country,” but it’s more than that. It’s this whole complicated readjustment to one’s own culture and once familiar surroundings. It’s this weird state of being where the environment that used to be everything you knew is now strange and uncomfortable. I find myself wanting to reach back for everything I loved about NL, transport it to this present place and mix it with what I love about home. That would be perfect!

We find ourselves critiquing America a lot and it’s probably unfair. The cost of living is ridiculous, the traffic is horrendous, people are rude, the landscape is marred with overdevelopment, obnoxious politics is in our face . . . and the list goes on. Okay, it’s a little unfair. I’m not ready to analyze it that closely right now, though. Right now, I just want to figure out how to stay emotionally balanced — let go of what I can’t change and stay positive.

Step one – spend time with family. This is what we missed the most and why we’re here. Alan and Natasha (brother and sister-in-law) have graciously given us a temporary place to stay. We’ve been able to restart regular time with Kathryn and it’s been so good to hang out with Jenna and Jamie. This week we will visit Smid family and hope to provide some help to mom & dad. Then we will meet up with Jasmine, Matt, Jared, Michelle and EMMA!!! I can’t wait to smooch those chubby cheeks! I’m so excited to see them all!

Step two – get the jobs nailed down. It will help to have a work routine and we pray that we will be in jobs that are fulfilling. We’re just into our second week back and Dick already has some promising leads. I had an interview, but it’s not the right fit for me right now. I’m exploring other possibilities.

Step three – find a home. This is a big one for me. I’ve been looking forward to finding a cozy home where we can entertain family, friends and visitors. I really want to put down roots in a place where we can get involved in the community. I guess that’s Step four – get involved and give back.