How to learn more about your child through his gaming habits

Worried about the amount of screen time your game-obsessed kid is spending? I'll admit — I am.

So it was with a certain amount of self-serving relief that I came across Penelope Trunk's blog post, ”Obsessive video game playing is the most beneficial of all screen time.” An entrepreneur and homeschooler, Trunk regularly defends kids gaming. But in this post she is particularly persuasive, though stopping short of just giving kids free reign over just any gaming experience.

In a nutshell, obsessive gaming is interactive, not passive; it teaches self-control (persistence even after repeated failures) in a meaningful way; it can help your child develop expertise and mastery; and it changes the way the brain works, improving visual skills, information filtering, multi-tasking and quick decision making.

Well that all sounds great, but how do you know that's what your child is really getting out of their gaming?

Well for starters, you can join the gaming with them. It may seem self-evident to most parents, but it bears mentioning. I don't think this is an area in which kids appreciate parental meddling, but speaking from experience, they do often appreciate your interest and shared enthusiasm.

Even just observing them at play can reveal what they're really doing while gaming. I don't always fully comprehend the full scope of the games my child plays, but I understand enough to filter it through a series of questions.

What does my child do when he or she encounters failures?

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Ideally, the game encourages players to keep trying. Kids can get frustrated, though. Notice how your kids respond emotionally. Do they get angry and throw things? Do they withdraw from the game for a time? Do they learn from the failures and increase the intensity of their focus? It's probably a combination. But at any rate, you can learn a lot about your child's emotional coping strategies by watching how they handle gaming failures.

Does my child engage in gaming more when he or she is emotionally troubled?

Experiencing the joy of immersing oneself into a game is one thing. But kids can also hide depression, anxiety and other problems behind their gaming. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a violent game, either. The very things that make gaming attractive and even beneficial can also enable your child to escape from a reality they find overwhelming. Notice how many hours your child spends gaming (more than 24 hours a week?), how your child behaves when you set limits around gaming, how gaming affects their sleeping patterns and the way they interact with people in real life.

What is my child not doing while he or she is gaming?

What's the opportunity cost of gaming? If you feel like your child isn't getting enough physical activity (that's 60 minutes a day, according to the CDC), is neglecting their homework or hasn't picked up a book in ages, you might want to think about setting some limits.

Finally, if you're looking for games that will give you more confidence that your child's gaming is actually productive, consider games from independent companies, which often take more imaginative risks. You probably already know about Minecraft and Portal 2. Some other interesting games I've come across recently include gorgeously gothic The Path, Zen-like Flower, the highly-original puzzle game Braid and Spin the Bottle: Bumpie's Party (no kissing required).

Beyond the perpetual push-and-pull between parents worried about screen time and kids who just want to be left alone, there is another alternative. Stop worrying and learn to love gaming! The best solution may not be to tell them to stop. It may instead be time for you to start gaming.

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