Do you know what the trouble is with Whitechapel nowadays? Well, I’ll tell you. There are far too many immigrants and not enough shale gas producing wells.

I’ve lived here all my life and I’m sick to death of walking through Whitechapel Market and seeing countless black and Asian faces and not a single fracking facility in sight.

Only last week, I bought a kilo of oranges from a Pakistani stallholder outside the tube station – and although he was very polite and gave me one or two extra – when I put it to him that his business, and Whitechapel in general, would benefit from having a fracking well next to his stall, he looked at me as if I was round the bend. There’s just no talking to some people is there?

In my opinion, all these immigrants that are flooding into this country should be put to…