Monday, April 27, 2009

the hills: spencer goes Jesus.

Last week we left off with Spencer expressing to Heidi that, "I feel like I'm in a nightmare," which left me feeling like I was in the exact opposite of a nightmare. It was something more along the lines of reality television heaven on earth.

This week starts off with the gUrls crew thinking, "Hey, all my guy friends are going to Hawaii for a very specific boyZ weekend. I should probably go." Wrong to everyone, but people on reality tv, so they go!

But, there wasn't much of a reaction.

"It's not about being upset, I was like surprised." --Brody, as he barely flinched when the gUrls crew walked in on his boyZ weekend.

"Oh, they want to do shots? I love 'em then." -- Brody, on how he feels about the girls being in Hawaii

I am guessing it was all of those shots that led to Audrina's tears on the beach over Justin Bobbby. Such a dramatic moment for everyone and by everyone I mean, Audrina. StephiePratt was just pulling it out of her. I'm kind of guessing it was the shots and maybe the producers. The questions and comments were a little scripted.

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We cut to Spencer and Heidi at Barnes and Noble (product placement shout out! I'm guessing at least 15 or 16 Hills viewers read books on a semi-regular basis).

"Here, why don't you look at the Soul of Truth?" --Heidi

"Yeah, because I really have a Soul of Truth." -- Spencer

Way to play it down, Spencer. He's so freakin' modest. It's unbelievable.

Heidi let's Spencer know that Colby is coming to town and one of the most interesting conversations of all-time-ever comes out of it:

"Should I bring a prayer or something?"

"I think you'll like him, he's really nice."

"Yeah, cause a lot of people I hang out with go to Bible college."

"That's my point, I think it might be good for you to see a nice, normal guy."

Um...Heidi...when you want your current boyfriend to be more like your ex-boyfriend that's bad. And it's even worse when you want them to meet, so current boyfriend can start to emulate ex-boyfriend. And really, Spence? Bring a prayer? You don't usually have to carry those around, you can wing it. No packing necessary.

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"So, who is single here? Audrina, what would you consider yourself? No more JB?"-- StephiePratt

Alright, Hills Producers, I'm talking to you on this one: get out of my life. If these people really need that much pushing and prodding to have a television-worthy conversation then they are no longer worthy of my time (as if they ever really were). StephiePratt must study her lines. Producers give her something to go-by and she says it word-for-word. There is no ad-libbing with this girl. All business, all the time. And cut back.

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"You know the only reason I am having this dinner right now is because you told me he goes to Bible college and in my own head I have convinced myself that he's a virgin and you two have only been to first base." -- Spencer

"If even first base! And as far as I'm concerned, he's still a virgin."-- Heidi

I would love to know what that last little comment meant. As far as you're concerned, Heidi? What?

Love when Colby's girlfriend, who was obviously a bit in awe of the Pratts, straight up told Heidi, "you look different. I've seen pictures. You look so different." Duh, girl. Heidi's been through several rounds of plastic surgery. Get serious.

This is where Spencer is introduced to nice, normal guy Colby, who doesn't drink alcohol. It's not all that shocking to me that he doesn't drink, because I didn't for many, many years, but I'm guessing this is the first person Spencer has ever met someone who doesn't drink because he doesn't want to. I'm sure some of Spencer's friends have court-appointed reasons not to drink, but not this guy, leaving Spencer in total shock. And then, he's doubly shocked when learning that Colby and girlfriend have two separate rooms and only hug good night!

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StephiePratt is a sucky friend.

"I wouldn't want to just keep shaking his hand. Maybe you should do it, just to get Justin back."

First off, I've never seen any of these people shake hands and second, I thought we were coaching Audrina out of Justin Bobby. Now, we're plotting revenge? Girl, get on the train. You are de-railed and heading to Crazy Town fast.

Audrina spends the evening at dinner and after, throwing herself at the king of the bromance, Brody. Even confessing that she's always had a little crush.

"I messed up. I cheated on my girlfriend" --Brody

"I would've put that down like a sick dog." --Sleazy T

So, Audrina and Brody hook-up. Which, I still don't know what that actually means, but apparently it has something to do with sick dogs and letting them rest in peace. Which, is a whole new definition of hooking-up that I have yet to hear. And Audrina says Brody's girlfriend can come after her if she wants. I'm so over this.

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Spencer invests some time in Colby and asks some very honest questions. At first, I really thought he was just making fun of him, but in my heart I want to believe (and I honestly kind of do believe) that he's curious and wants to know more.

"Where in the Bible, I need to know the verse and the quote, where it says you can't have sex until marriage." --Spencer

First off, Spence, my boy, when talking about scripture-- a verse and a quote are pretty much the same thing. Gotta learn the basics before you can build the house. Hammer, then nails.

Colby's girlfriend was not so convincing at the "Bible study." She had a piece of paper she was reading off of, luckily the Colbster stepped in and hit a homerun with a verse out of Hebrews. Not really a homerun as much as, he read a verse out of Hebrews. But, props on finding a verse out of the New Testament-- cause if Heidi and Spencer knew anything, they'd totally jump on the Old Testament (had Colby read from there) and the fact that Jesus came so we wouldn't be slaves to the law. I digress.

Spencer had a pretty heavy duty Bible and Bible cover, circa something either your grandfather carries around or what you got as a confirmation gift. I quit with the Bible cover/ briefcase around the dawn of time, but hey-- if you've got it, flaunt it!

"Just think about how nice life would be if everyone just loved each other (giggle, giggle) and listened." --Colby's girlfriend

"So, an imaginary world?" -- Spencer

He's right. That is an imaginary world, but it's the Gospel. Although, I need to look up the "quote" where Jesus says, "Love everyone as I have loved you AND listen."

Here's where I get confused-- Spencer confesses that he may need to be more like Colby and that he has changed Heidi and Heidi is all, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" But, then she just tells him to be nice. This blogger, me, believes in the power of the Holy Spirit and believes that even the Lord can change Spencer. Bold statement, but I believe. Apparently, Heidi isn't looking for the Holy Spirit to intervene. She just wants Spencer to be nicer, she doesn't want to feel convicted about their relationship. That right there is proof that Heidi may actually believe in the Lord. Who ever really wants to feel convicted about something they are doing wrong (Oh, I see some hands out there)?

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Like I said earlier, I believe in the power of the Holy Spirit and I believe that the Lord, the King of Kings, can change even the worst of reality television stars. And even if this is all a charade-- how often does God get a mention on MTV? I say it's a win-- exposure to the Gospel is exposure to the Gospel.

I'm really hoping that sometime this season the whole Hills crew gets in a Bible study

together-- that's one Theological debate I'd love to listen to. Can you imagine Sleazy T interpreting scripture? Do you think he'd change his name to Holy T?

LC!! I just started reading your blog and it made me realize how much I freakin' miss you!!! What the hell!! I live in Plano now so we should hang out and watch some reality tv for old times sake. Love ya girl!!