I think I'm a part of the first generation of journalists to skip print media entirely, and I've learned a lot these last few years at Forbes. My work has appeared on TVOvermind, IGN, and most importantly, a segment on The Colbert Report at one point. Feel free to follow me on Twitter or on Facebook, write me on Facebook or just email at paultassi(at)gmail(dot)com. I'm also almost finished with my sci-fi novel series, The Earthborn Trilogy.

Fighting Misogyny in Gaming Begins At Home

There are many, many facets to obstacles facing women in gaming. There’s the fact that most big games are still blood and guts fantasies meant to appeal to young men There’s the way female developers are treated within the industry, as if some can’t believe they actually work there (see the whole #1reasonwhy movement we’ve discussed recently). But perhaps most pressingly, it’s how female players are treated when they play the games themselves, or even express an interest in gaming in general.

The reality of being a girl gamer is downright astonishing at times. Something as innocuous as a feminine-sounding gamertag can draw in an inbox full of horrifying messages. Speaking over voicechat and revealing your gender is taken as an invitation for sexual harassment.

The best (well, worst) way to see this in action at the moment would likely be the blog “Fat, Ugly or Slutty.” The name refers to the three most common paths of insults directed from men to women over gaming services, both console and PC. Female gamers take screenshots of the creeps that send them gender-based hate mail. It’s fun to publicly shame the clowns, but it speaks to the fact that the community has a lot of growing up to do.

That’s often a common excuse when this issue is brought up. Many of these harassers are not grown up. Many are young teenage males and therefore the excuse becomes, “well, they’re just being boys, they’ll grow out of it eventually.”

But that’s not it. No matter what age you are, there’s no excuse for behaving in this fashion. As kids, we all usually grow up with some sort of playful “war of the genders.” Boys are gross, girls have cooties, etc. As time goes on however, that changes once sexual maturity begins.

Or at least it's supposed to.

There’s something inherently rotten in society now where young boys are treating girls this way. When I was a pre-teen or teenager (or in the years after, for that matter) I never leveled verbal abuse at a girl in any of the “fat, ugly or slutty” categories. This isn’t “normal behavior” for young males. This is conditioning by society, and apparently being respectful toward women is now something that must be outright taught to these young men.

Many parents will have talks with their sons about girls. Be it the awkward sex talk which has little to do with interpersonal relationships, or giving a shy kid ideas on how to talk to girls. But now it seems that kids need outright lessons in how to respect women. Parents, if they witness this behavior or even hear about it in regards to their children, need to sit them down and explain that isn’t how you treat people, women especially. Some of these offenders may have serious, deep-rooted issues with women in their lives, but most of the younger crowd are just trying to be funny, and that’s something that can be pushed back against. I would even suggest a system that emails the parents of underage players transcripts or recordings of vile language used in game. They need a way to know this is happening in the first place.

It would be remiss to assume that all these insult-spewers are in fact, twelve year old boys. The fact is, this just isn’t true. There are many, many adult men taking part in this kind of behavior. Though that information can’t necessarily be gleaned from Xbox Live messages, it can be from places outside of video games. I’ve seen countless blogs similar to Fat, Ugly or Slutty detailing the kinds of perverted messages females receive on a daily basis on dating sites like OKCupid or PlentyofFish. These aren’t kids, and the older the messager, the more graphic the message most times.

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While I do agree that misogyny in gaming is an issue, I really think treating human beings with respect is an important lesson that shouldn’t be divided because of sex. There are so many kids out there that have no respect for anyone, regardless of being male or female. Starting with a core belief system of respect and tolerance for all fellow people is going to create a respectful, compassionate adult.

Also, I do feel sometimes feminism can create negative effects. If women want to be treated with respect and as equals, I want that same treatment as a male. Where is the outcry over gamers saying/messaging “faggot” or “nigger” online? And I don’t want to be grouped as a “bad person” simply for being born a male. Respect each other… our differences don’t really matter in the end :)

There are plenty of gaming communities challenging homophobia and racism in both the videogame industry and the broader “gamer” culture. There’s a big overlap with the sexism discussion when you look at where it’s happening.

Feminism isn’t about labeling men as bad people. This has been addressed repeatedly for decades now. It’s like the War on Christmas or “Reverse Racism” bullshit that’s been made up by people who just don’t want to accept maybe life’s been unfairly better for them than other people.

But life is always going to be unfair. Reverse racism is just plain racism. Sometimes feminism gets out of hand. These issues are part of life.

I am a white male born into a middle-class family. That being said, my life is a struggle everyday for various reasons out of my control. I get labelled too. It is not a one-sided situation.

I don’t want to be yelled at by a so-called feminist for holding the door open for her – I hold the door open for others as a courtesy. I am a nice guy because that is who I am as a person, not because I am trying to get into a woman’s pants as I have been accused of before. I don’t want to be called “queer” because I am a male nurse. Being white and male doesn’t make me any better than anyone else.

My point is that it shouldn’t matter who you are or where you come from. A person is a person is a person. Someone who hasn’t had hardship in their life can still be a wonderful, contributing member of society. We can only do so much to even the playing field. Be a good person regardless of your background and overcome whatever adversity you face.

This is why I play anonymously when I’m online or alone most of the time. Yes, I know that men and women are different but the sexism and misogyny is blown out of proportions we’re not perfect but the way most men treat women is borderline offensive. That is if you count the history, culture and not to mention most bad words are directed to women, this whole battle of the sexes has gone too far.

Great article, Paul. I’m glad to see you took hard stance on this problem and didn’t let any of the usual bullshit cloud the issue. I see the usual “counterarguments” trying to prove that all girls everywhere are, in fact, asking for it, already started flying. This only further enforces your point. Even if there are some problems with how some females behave online, this should be considered entirely different problem, not an excuse or justification for any abuse.

I appreciate that you’re calling out the specifics of the issue as it applies to video games and you’re correct that the issue is much larger. The way it’s playing out here is just a symptom of a society that’s always catered to the wiles and wants of young boys and men, from the ever popular “Boys will be Boys” to the consistently terrifying idea that men “can’t help themselves.”

Where things get especially nasty with video games is the combination of the John Gabriel Greater Internet Douchewad Theory and the inherently confrontation nature of the medium. You generally don’t see people sending messages like this after a rousing game of Journey, but it’s all over Call of Duty and League of Legends. When you add anonymity to a competition, you’ve got a breeding ground for hate.

I think the key to unlocking the hearts of these people is in the creation of a culture of non-acceptance. The film Bully, which tackles similar issues among school children, pushes that. You can’t get the moderators, parents, or the perpetrators to stop; if you could we’d already have done it. Instead, you’ve got to empower those around the act to stand up and say “that’s not cool bro.”

The same needs to be done for “white knights” as well. We should all be standing up to defend those who stand up to defend others.

Wait, this is sounding more and more like some sort of XBL Occupy movement. Not sure how I feel about that.

i know i’m probably late in reading this, but as a big video gamer and a fan artist/cosplayer i have at time come across players who abuse female gamers, although i have to admit, sometimes the girls are as bad. if you have ever played the sims, or even explored their forums, you’ll come across trolls from both genders respectfully.

several months ago I was in a local Team fortress 2 competitive game, where we had mixed teams, more male gamers admittedly, competing with players from over seas. I was the only female player who was open on the voice service mumble (my highlander team use that service) and after a few minutes of our first match I was targeted and harassed purely because i was female. i have never had that type of issue in that game before (most of my pals are international and large group of them are male) the harassment didn’t end there ingame however. after the match, the those engaged in the harassment had ganged up and where following my account and continued to harass me via steam. it wasn’t all explicit, but alot of his was rather graphically violent. I havn’t joined any of my usual tf2 tournament games since, mostly as i’m worried i’d be confronted by those same idiotic individuals again in another match. i was actully pretty saddened by this behavior and this episode of unwanted attention, all because i was playing a shooter in a competition and was not ‘male’.

i’m interested in who decided that you have to be MALE to compete in a shooter competition? i’ve played many gaming competitions, from pokemon to command an conquer (never really won them but where in them for the challenge it presented) and i’ve seen less girls entering them every year in fear of being abused by other competitors. a local DDR competition we used to hold has less than half the female players it used to due to unwanted attention of this kind. Guys, it’s time you accepted girls DO play games and play them for the same reasons you do… and for both of our genders to stop trolling and get along, cause let’s face it, you miss out on meeting some awesome gamers to compete with if you don’t.