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Thursday, May 01, 2014

When I first started getting reports a few months ago that Peaches Geldof was using heroin again, I wrote a blind item, but really hoped my source was wrong. Usually of course you want them to be correct. I didn't want them to be right because I wanted to believe that Peaches had made that long journey back to sobriety and finally rid herself of heroin. The drug is always a demon. It always tries to bring you back in and in so many cases it ends tragically.

I think Peaches first started experimenting with heroin because of her mom's death from a heroin overdose. I think Peaches wanted to know what it was that killed her mother and it ended up killing Peaches. As much as Peaches loved her kids and wanted to be with them everyday, it looks like heroin won. A couple of things about her death that seem off. Supposedly one of her children was next to her when she died, but police didn't find any drugs in the house. You don't inject yourself with heroin and then hide everything away and get your child and then lay down and die. Someone from her family wanted her to be remembered as someone who was close to her kids and also tried their best to make sure her death and funeral were not overshadowed by news that police found drugs. There would be a time for that, but not until later. That time though is now and at the inquest today will be revealed that Peaches died just like her mother.

So whoever discovered her body removed the evidence...I have no problem with that. It was a time of great sadness, having the press and people in general declaim and defame her, would have created a ghoulish counterpoint to her death.They wanted her to be remembered as A mother of two, who died unintentionally, at her funeral.Not as a junkie who died like her mom.Rip Peaches. ( hugs)

It's tragic really. She went the exact same way here mother went. I feel worst of all for her family & kids. They've had so much tragedy already. H is a horrendous drug. In NJ where I live, we are having tons of OD's from it. Growing up, my friends and I rarely saw this or H itself. Now it's everywhere. It's gotton so out of hand, that apparently you can get it cheaper than a six pack of beer. RIP poor girl. I am so sorry your mother's demons haunted you as well and that they couldn't let either of you go.

+1 @steamy there was nothing to gain by the police finding anything there...they knew it would come out in toxicology and having that kind of circus beforehand would have been awful. Rarely to drugs get traced back to the dealer anyway....

I hope that those kids find a different path in life and have enough love and support around them not to make the same choices....

Okay, help an old lady out here. Do you HAVE to shoot it up? I thought it could be snorted.

Could she not have just found a little bit hidden away somewhere that she'd forgotten about, took a pinch or whatever for old time's sake,not thinking it was enough to even matter, then flushed whatever it came in? She wouldn't have necessarily died right away, right? And if she'd been clean, maybe a little is all it took since she was so thin.

I barely even know who she is, but it just doesn't look like she was all that messed up int his picture.

I find her case sadder than others because we could always see how her mother's death seemed to cast a shadow over her, more poignantly seen on the post she did a few days before. Peaches always had that sadness around her, seemed to look for her mother in everything, she probably wondered how her mother's love for her children was not enough to save herself. Sadly, history will repeat itself. I know I'm sounding romantic about it all, but that's how I see it. RIP sad soul, may you have found your way back to your mother's arms.

Agree Jessi - wash just writing this when noticed your post above - Wow- anyone that even alluded to her heroin use was lambasted for a couple of days after she OD'ed and died while caring for her infant daughter.

Thanks to those who helped me out with the other ways to take it. I can imagine it would be very bitter...I took some Percocet one time and darn near threw it up when it got stuck at the back of my throat. SO bitter.

You forgot one element. her kids will read everything they said about their mother. and you don t crucify her as she is dad. you will preduce same effect as her mom did on her. do you see the vicious circle???

This is so sad. Whomever removed the paraphernalia probably panicked and tried to cover up to protect her and did not think it through,,,ie her hubby,,,or she was with someone else at the time and they panicked and removed it to protect themselves and left.,,ie another drug addict or whomever supplied her and possibly called her husband.

Who calls the police when someone simply does not answer the phone as her husband did,,,that says a lot.

This is so sad for her family. I agree they probably didn't want to leave any paraphernalia out. May a God bless this family. I do also believe that the hubby may also have this addiction. I doubt a spouse would be tolerant of use if they knew children were being cared for if they weren't messed up as well. And, yes...Froggy, a well-check for a phone unanswered shows that there was a mighty reason to be concerned.

It is sad but I get a little tired of excusing addict behavior with "oh, addiction is a beast...what can you do". I really try to be compassionate…I actually liked Peaches. But she did have a choice. She was clean and chose to get back into it. And I just can't wrap my mind around that as she knew more than anyone the trauma of losing a parent to heroin. I am sad. I feel for her and her family. But I'm also kinda pissed off.

Good question, though Bob has always looked like an addict I don't get any sense that he was ever much out of control. Any touring band in the 1980s would have been doing copious amounts of cocaine and yet so many of them are still alive and well amazingly. Geldof has been very successful in business. From Wiki

According to The Sunday Times Rich List, Geldof was worth £32 million in 2012.[88]

I can understand why someone cleaned up the place before calling police/911 (or equivalent) but not comfortable with alot of people hear excusing it??? Basically tampering with a possible crime scene. Apparently someone called police and was concerned about her. Her child was found next to her. Instead of protecting her memory whoever cleaned it up most likely was just protecting themselves. All this sympathy about someone removing the evidence to protect her legacy for the funeral (because they knew the cause of death would eventually come out) is bullshit. Someone was covering up a crime. Someone cleaned up and left her child unattended before notifying authorities. Whoever did it was wrong and don't try to excuse them.

Yes, someone cleaned up all evidence of heroin and LEFT A BABY with their selfish dead junkie mother. A baby that is probably brain damaged beyond repair from bad genetics created by a junkie breeding. Oh wait - two junkies breeding. Maybe I'll have some sympathy when I get over the idiocy of two junkies breeding not once, but twice. Whoever cleaned up the drugs and left that baby deserves all the hell this world can unleash upon them.

Sorry Steampunk but you should have a problem with that- removing evidence. You have no idea what exactly happened, when, and by whom, or what their motivations were. That is why evidence needs to stay so it can be determined. You just assume some altruistic motive?? For all we know she was murdered.

Thank you, Mooshki, I was thinking the same thing. I remember that photo. Considering her mom was an addict, she may not have had a good role model for a mother. It's too bad she died, but she did it to herself.

I know a man here in San Francisco who used to be homeless. He was a heroin addict. He kept himself really clean, the folks at Peet's Coffee allowed him to store some things in the back room, he swept the sidewalk for money.

I became friends with him, even paid him to walk my dog sometimes. He treated her great!

He never took public assistance of any kind, slept in the woods.

Then he just kicked heroin cold.

No methadone, just stopped. Then he got off weed.

He started going to the YMCA to do yoga, met an older woman there who had a huge house in a great neighborhood, she rented him a room. He got a job as a barista at Starbucks, bought a brand new PT Cruiser, and years later he still lives in her house, still has his car which he keeps in great condition, he's always immaculately clean and he shows up for work on time every day. He was about 55 when he turned his life around.

I know this is a weird thing to say but it's kind of a blessing her children are so young. They are not going to remember her. Any trauma they have as they get older will be more ... general ... if you know what I mean. Not specific to Peaches herself and memories they had of her, but generally "We had a mommy and she died and she didn't have to."

Still trauma, but not as deep as knowing and loving your mother and then one day she's gone and you ache with the loss and wonder why she didn't love you enough to stay alive.

As bad as this sounds, I was so hoping that it was her heart or some other random natural cause of death. I remember when Michael and Paula died and then (in only slightly older than what peaches was) I couldn't imagine losing a parent in such a desperate, sad and sadly selfish way.... Peaches you stupid girl. This is just too sad.

I think her husband did it when he found her and the son. Perhaps he thought she might be bought around and wasn't dead - as rumoured to have happened before so thought get rid of the stuff and then no one would know?! It's pretty obvious a post mortem would find drug use and who just finding their wife dead would be in a fit state to think ok if I hid the stuff the truth won't come out til after the funeral etc etc The funeral could have been delayed or anything. I think he did it because he knew she used and prob used too and thought she could be revived and the truth kept quiet. In which case he should at least be verbally warned

Who knows if she was a good mother? Just because she said she was and posted loads of selfies with them doesn't mean she was. You can present yourself as anything on social media and the truth be completely different. Likewise just because she was an addict doesn't mean she was a bad mother. Although any addict feeds their addiction as a priority and to be a good parent your kids need to be number 1. So I guess she loved her kids but she didn't love them enough to be honest and get help as she had created a fake life that would have been shattered and her role as AP spokeswoman gone. So I feel for kids and I hope the cycle is broken and I hope any addicts who need help are honest and get that help

Emily - you may well be right- the point is we will probably never know. Maybe her murderer cleaned it up? If husband cleaned it up then why did he leave their infant unattended next to her dead body?( It has been reported that he called police and asked them to check on her- the police found her with baby- that's weird) If he' thought she might be brought around and wasn't dead' even more reason to let authorities know about heroin evidence. Maybe there wasn't any evidence laying around- she used and flushed everything. A lot of unanswered questions.

Emily - agree with most of this post but I think the fact that she was a practicing heroin addict does, in fact, mean she was a bad mother. I don't care how much she loved her children, she was a bad mother.

it doesnt surprise me that she got high and put everything away and played with the kid.

thats what i used to do. get high and then do that i enjoyed doing.

@diana it isnt stupid of enty to say. i first started bc i was curious to try it after i saw my best friend kill herself bc she couldnt escape her addiction to it. i wanted to know what the big deal was and why people were losing their life to it., why i had lost my best friend.

that being said, i've only been a regular user for the past year, i'm hoping to clean up this summer.

I might be just saying this because I am slightly buzzed and in a very deep moment of weakness, but I have been struggling with addition to Vicodin for 3 years now. It began with a presciption after the delivery of my second child and subsequent addition. I've never used drugs in my life and now, 2 children and 3 years later, I am completely spinning out of control and have missed out on so much of my sons young lives, I can't believe this is me trapped in this life right now. I have tried so many times and want to quit so badly, I have 2 lives and I hate the life I have because it's not what I want to be and I hate the life I should have for keeping me from my high. I used to be a good person and a good mom, I want so desperately to be again, I just need to quit, but I don't know how. How, when you have no insurance and no one to talk to, no one to admit your failures to and seek help from? I used to not understand "these people" either, now, fuck, I AM "these people".

Poor child that was with her when it happened. I hope it was the youngest so he wouldn't have a memory of it. Heartbreaking, especially for the children. Look at the picture ... Looks like as normal home with children. You never know what is behind closed doors.

Principessa, with all the sadness of this topic, i am so glad you shared the story of your friend in SF was such a success story! I hope he is still winning the battle. I send my best his way with major respect.

@thou I'm so sorry you are suffering. You gave birth to two kids, that's superhuman! You can beat this! You need to go see a doctor and plan a weaning schedule at the very least if you're serious about it. If you're buying it on the streets, then you have two choices...stop cold turkey which won't kill you but will feel like it for about 10 days or wean yourself off. Your children need their mother and you are crying out for help. I can tell you want a different life so make it different. If you can afford detox in a medicinal setting then do it. Do something ASAP! YOU have to want it bad enough. Google detox groups and find helpful hints. Blessings to you. Stay on here please and let us know how you're doing.

@thou if $$ is the issue yes slowly wean yourself. It will be hard. You will have horrible days. You motivation is you new life to come. Have a safe friend, someone who will not judge you, a big supporter. NA Groups are great for this and a great place to go to get help. They'll find you a rehab place. All the best to you. But please know you really are not alone (not to be corny). Much love to you and @headrot

@Thou, is your children's father in the picture? If so, does he know? If not, would you feel safe confiding in him? Is there NO ONE else in your life you can talk to about it? And yes, NA is a good, free, safe, confidential place to go to talk to someone about it - someone who gets it.

@thou. I know exactly what you are going through. You are not alone and this does not define you.I think leaving that comment shows that you really want to change. Find a safe person to confide in. NA is a good place. When you are ready to break the chains of Vicodin- it will be hard but it is SOOO worth it to have feelings again

Sorry, because it's really very serious & sincere--this is long, pretentious, & filled with a blithe assumption of self-expertise--honestly, tho'; I wasn't aiming to be all Goopy here. FWIW, if anything...

A taper or opiate-substitute swap & detox should be comfortable enough to carry on w/daily life. Don't punish yourself by stopping cold, or with a speedy, uncomfortable process. You didn't do anything BAD. Something in your brain chem &/or psyche makes you particularly vulnerable to the more unfortunate effects of well-intended breakthroughs in pain management.

In fact, if you're in physical pain or prone to even mild depression, you may want to consider suboxone maintenance, at least as a transition period. It's a good pain-killer at a low dosage, & kinder to the system than hydro (which flirts w/renal failure on a daily basis, ctsy of Tylenol) or heroin (like a nightmare generic, 'junk' is stepped on with all sorts of nasty fillers).

During detox, the process can be eased with natural supplements to counteract w/d pangs: eg tyrosine for mood; ginseng &B vitamin supplements for energy; valerian to fend off hypersensitivity & 'jittery' sensations &c; but do some online research. Symptoms that scarcely affect one person may drive another nuts. A moderate dose of Benadryl should prevent insomnia while tapering. The detox itself might actually feel good at times; it's a sort of awakening period.

For long-term--ideally lifetime--recovery, post-detox should be followed up with meetings or some form of ongoing addiction support. Whatever works best for you, but it's wise to have someone you can reach when you encounter PAWS (post-addiction withdrawal syndrome).

The tapering process might have been okay, but a few weeks, months, even years after, there's a good chance of being hit by PAWS. This is when maddening cravings can surface, along w/an obsessive awareness of possibilities to obtain what one craves.

Loved ones, obligations, work; the dismal aspects of living w/addiction are hidden away in the brain's RAM. Everything else is swallowed by the sense that life will be unbearable without it. Did you ever hear of the fabled 72-hour interval rule? You could do that, right? {sorry; too late :( ].

It may not happen quite like that, but it happens. Also, some place or situation can trigger something along those lines. The odds in favor of relapse are much lower if you go to a meeting asap, or call someone with 1st-hand experience or training in successful recovery. A chat w/an understanding soul may be all that's needed to make hungry, devious mu receptors stick to an opiate-free diet another day, week, year.

That is way too much, yet not enough either. If any of you read it, hope there's something of use.

Anyway, I wish anyone who has lost the wonder in an attachment to the world of Bayer (1st co to compound heroin), Watson, Merck, etc a complete success in consciously uncoupling, & a life punctuated by unclouded, naturally euphoric experiences. Seriously (Gooping might be addictive, I think. That would explain so much).

@ thou, go online and find an NA (Narcotics Anonymous) meeting near you, it's an hour long. Sit in the middle and listen. You don't have to raise your hand and admit you need help until you are comfortable. Just listen and see that your not alone, that there are practical things they can teach you that you can use to stop.Keep going and sooner than you think, someone else is going to tell Your story because, You are not alone. The path of addiction is well worn from those before you, they can guide you out, but only if you let go of the shame and the secrets and ASK for helpAddiction has a physical affect but what makes it deadly is the Emotional component. Using takes away the fear, stress,anguish, and self loathing...brought on by using.Its a horrible and vicious cycle and I remember it well.NA is freeTakes 1 hour.There are meetings almost every hour of the day.It works if you listen and Do what seems really stupid.It also works.( bff- 4 yrs NA, me - 10 yrs AA)(((( hugs)))))

Hi All, Wow. I am truly humbled by all of your kind and heartfelt words. I really didn't mean to even write that post, I NEVER do that kind of thing. I truly just felt at the bottom of a very deep and dark hole. It's so strange that I feel that I have "known" so many of you for so many years now and never posted until now. And such a way to introduce myself. lol. i guess pouring my heart out to strangers was the only way to share and reach out in a way that I knew couldn't hurt my real life. In real life, I am a PTC/soccer mom and couldn't share any of that pain or weakness with my "people". I do have a very supportive, amazing husband, but he has his own battles and is trying to support all of us in so many ways, it is hard to ask for more from him. I feel so much that is is my problem, not anyone elses'. anyway, thank you to all of you, I read every single word of every single post and I very much appreciate all of your kindness. I have not taken anything but 1 day used suboxan(sp?) (to help with the urges)for 5 days. BUT, I have done this before, maybe this time I will be a successful quiter. I am trying and will continue to do so. Thank you all again, truly from the bottom of my heart. And to the rest of you with similar struggles, hugs and hope for you as well. :)

@thou you can do this. I used to drink to mask my anxiety. I got on the right antidepressant and anti anxiety med that I rarely drink. I'm not an alcoholic, I was depressed and nerves got to me after second baby and a major life event. My dr recommended seeing a psych and I was diagnosed properly and with the right med schedule I couldn't tell you the last time I had a glass of wine. We were given a bottle of wine last weekend in Florida and didn't even open it. My faith has also helped. I have a loooonnngg story like everyone. I also am a public super mom and have a lot of "people" . No one would ever have known any of my tendencies in my real life (other than the waiters at our fav restaurant) who new my fav drink. Hub always drove thankfully. Hugs...you've got this. Flush those pills when your ready.

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