ramblings of an entrepreneurial madman

this is more a post on general reflection. fuck spell check because i dont have time for that shit and i’m writing now that i’m inspired.

my business is growing but not fast enough. we currently have 3 closed deals and a 4th on the way but we want to be doing 20-30 a month, not fucking 4. our marketing is fucked and it feels like everything we do is an uphill battle. you hear these success stories of people talking about how they struggled for so fucking long then it “finally took off,” well what the fuck? this goddamn jet has been sitting on the runway long enough. i have a business meeting tomorrow with the other principals to discuss our current problems and try to find ways to resolve them; therefore tonight i’m staying in and finishing off a bottle of cab.

all this shit drives me fucking crazy because i’m so dedicated and won’t stop at anything until i hit my goal. the thing that pisses me off is that i feel like it SHOULD NOT BE THIS HARD… i started this goddamn blog two years ago and was working on various business endeavors for many years prior to starting my blog… in fact, this has been a goal of mine since i moved to Arizona, which happened 7 FUCKING YEARS AGO. What the fuck?!

a million dollars isnt a lot of money anyways so i don’t know why i’m having so much trouble getting there… it sure as hell won’t buy you what it used to.

the company i work for currently, while i’m working on my own business is a perfect example of the type of shit that drives me nuts. its run by a bunch of goddamn monkeys. there is no organization whatsoever and their customer service is a fucking disaster. the company as a whole is one of the most poorly run businesses i’ve ever been a part of, yet they are making millions…

goal was to have 500 properties by the end of 2012 and there is no way in hell that shit is happening with our current setup. we keep spending money testing different marketing avenues and nothing seems to work. its extremely frustrating.

i’ve said this so many times before and $1,000,000.00 is really not what i’m after. its not the fucking money, its the FREEDOM that money provides. the ability to do what you want, when you want. the ability to travel, to enjoy life, to never worry about finances or bills. THAT’s what i’m after…

7 fucking years. i can’t believe it. 7 years and i’m still in the same fucking position i was in when i first moved… unreal.

my only hope is the belief that all of the learning, and struggling, and growing as a man both personally and in business, has made me that much more likely to succeed now, verses in 2005. without that, its like i wasted the last 7 years of my life. i cant think that way. i wont think that way…

it all has to be part of the process right? steps in the right direction? it fucking HAS to be…

Today, for whatever reason, I have this feeling in my gut that things are going to start to get better soon; starting with this week. I have a feeling that some deals are going to drop, and things are finally going to be all good.

I don’t know why I’m writing this, but sometimes your gut is all you have to go by, and you have to learn to trust it.

It will never lie to you.

Keep working hard people – never give up – and if you aren’t happy with your current situation, change it! Remember, you are responsible for your own fate. What you make is completely up to you.

Like this:

I took some time off from posting this weekend just to clear my head. I did my best to not think about work at all and to just enjoy myself. It was my boys 31st birthday this weekend so we went out and had some drinks. I ended up spending way too much at the bar so I’m going to be laying low the next few weekends.

On Saturday I made a big pot of my pasta sauce and this batch was fucking delicious. Looks like I’ll be eating a lot of pasta this week.

Anyways, I was pretty upset on Friday, and today things started off well. I closed a deal the second I got into the office and I’m hoping to have a big week. It’s the last week of the month and I need to finish strong.

Financially things are going to be tight. I keep looking at my projections over and over again and I don’t know how I’m going to make this work, so I’ve decide to just stop obsessing over that shit. I need to focus on bringing in business and closing more deals. This other shit is what’s driving me crazy.

I’m constantly reminded of Winston Churchill’s famous quote;

“Never, never, never, never give up…”

It’s so easy to just throw in the towel and say “fuck this,” but that won’t get you anywhere in life. You can’t give up on something you are passionate about and something you know can be successful. You have to keep pressing forward no matter what, and that’s what I’m going to do.

If things take longer then expected, fine. If I have to get a second job to help with finances until this thing floats itself, fine. I’ll do whatever I have to fucking do. I want this shit so fucking bad, and I’ve wanted it since I graduated college 5 years ago. This is the best opportunity I’ve ever had at making it financially and there is no way I’m going to throw that away.

10 years from now I’ll look back at this and maybe I’ll be rich as hell or poor as fuck, but regardless I’ll crack a smile knowing I gave it all I had. Imagine the thought of being 50 or 60yrs old and broke and constantly wondering; “what if I just hung in there a little longer, would it have taken off?” That’s the position I never want to be in.

When I was drinking with my buddy we were talking about life in general, and although I love the kid, at 31 years old he doesn’t seem to have much direction. It’s a scary thing because at that age I want to have a flourishing business with a shitload of money in the bank. Financial security and freedom must be an amazing feeling and I honestly can’t wait until I’m there.