Day Sixty

Most Read

According the the Kama Sutra, the Now and Zen "makes you laugh, cry, and come all at the same time." Well, you already know that sex has made me cry. But I'm not sure how I feel about choosing a position that promises to make me cry. Unless, of course, it's from ecstasy.

The thing is that I've been feeling meh all day today. I'm having some sort of weird "crisis of confidence". I am usually really sure of myself and my relationship with D. but I had this out-of-the-blue "what if he cheats on me?" panic this morning and it's lasted all day. Do you ever get paranoid that your guy will be unfaithful, even if you have no real reason to think that? How do you quell those fears?

Of course, the way I assure myself that he only wants to sleep with me is — yep — by sleeping with him. I've definitely been known to initiate a hook-up or two when I feel jealous of his relationship with other women or am feeling less than sure of our relationship. I know it's immature and silly, but it's almost my way of saying, "Hey, remember me? The only girl you can do this with?" Do I sound crazy?

Well, call me crazy, but I chose the Now and Zen because it's got that intimate, face-to-face action that I love. And I crossed my fingers that Cosmo was wrong and that it wouldn't actually make me cry.

We started in missionary then, totally unsexily, D. had to reach on to the floor next to the bed and grab the book. He was still inside me while he found the page and showed me the image. Sigh, it's moments like that make me feel a bit like a Cosmo lab rat. Not that I'm complaining...

He rolled over so that we were on our sides facing each other. But my legs were still wrapped around him. So I had to move my lower leg and put it parallel to his. In the process, he slipped out. (Are any of you really good at shifting positions without losing penetration? Any tips?) He got back in, propped one leg up, and we pressed our chests together, per the instructions. And then. Um. Then...

"What now?" D. asked. "Do we just lay like this and wait until we come?"

Laughter: check.

We managed to get into a strange back and forth thrusting that mostly involved me moving my crotchal area away then towards him, all the while keeping my chest against his. (I probably resembled a dog humping someone's leg.)

D. climaxed, though I have to be honest — it didn't seem like that strong of an orgasm. Usually he scrunches up his face and makes a bit of noise, but there wasn't much of that.

We rolled onto our backs and almost immediately D. had his hand between my legs. (Another reason I don't think it was a strong orgasm for him: he usually needs a minute to "recover".)

Orgasm: check. (OK, OK, it wasn't actually from the Now and Zen, but I'll take it.)

Crying: Negative. Though I'm still having those same weird feelings. I think I probably need to talk to D. about it at some point. Even if I'm scared it'll make me sound a little crazy. Sometimes all a girl needs is a little reassurance in the form of a hug and three words. Men, take note.

I asked a few questions throughout, but I'm also wondering what your favorite side-by-side positions are? Do you find it awkward to thrust? Also, do you like having your chests pressed together during sex or do you prefer a position that allows you to look down and see the action, and allows him to stimulate you manually?

P.S. After the Now and Zen, we had dinner, then got back into bed. And had sex again. I swear, I didn't initiate it in an attempt to make myself feel better about our relationship. It was all D. And I think we invented a new position! We can't find it in the Kama Sutra. And actually, D. expressed some interest in writing about it. What would you all think if he hijacked the blog for a day? He even said he'd draw an illustration of the position. Oh jeez, I'm nervous...