“Orange is the New Black” recap (1.7): Blood donut

Morello drives Watson back from SHU. Watson isn’t looking too good. Morello catches Watson up on what she missed, which wasn’t a ton. Watson asks if Morello can put a request in for Red to make the good mashed potatoes tonight. No promises.

Stairwell!

Alex and Nichols (Hi, Nichols!) are playing! Nichols dared Alex to eat six saltines in 30 seconds. Alex says she can’t resist a dare, which has led to a few problems like broken bones and chlamydia. Nichols adds prison to the list, and Alex says that was more of a deal than a dare. She leaves out the part where the deal involved ratting out her ex-girlfriend.

Outside, Watson takes a smell-the-freedom moment and Nichols scoffs that she’s taken dumps that have lasted longer than Watson’s time in solitary. Boo is also not feeling the magic.

Watson’s flashback!

The boys run past and declare it’s boys chase girls time. Watson can sass better and run faster than the boys… and ends up getting called a show-off. The boys hang out with the girls who ran slower and didn’t give any lip, leaving young Watson alone.

Healy says that due to budget woes, they can either have their changes or they can have doughnuts and coffee at their monthly meetings. Everyone but Chapman goes for doughnuts.

Hallway!

Taystee explains that this WAC thing is a boondoggle, and that she’s up for a possible good-behavior early release, so she would rather not make waves, thanks. Chapman is surprisingly bummed.

Laundry!

Doggett is not taking her loss to Chapman well, and, since the election was totally fixed, she does have a point. Doggett polls the laundry room, and no one voted for Chapman. Doggett compares herself to Jesus because she has been so betrayed.

Stall with the door!

Chapman can’t resist checking out the contraband cell phone. She briefly considers texting her tutu, then realizes no good can come of that. I’m glad she’s learned something. Chapman starts playing that Snake game that used to come with old cell phones, then is interrupted by an incoming dick pic. I was actually sort of glad to see that Diablo and his not-insane girlfriend have a more reciprocal relationship than I thought.

Chapman is interrupted by a bang on the door, but holds her ground and her snake game. Way to get your fingerprints all over the contraband phone, Chapman.