Russell Wilson is the New Tim Tebow

John PorterWednesday July 8 2015

When people mocked Tim Tebow for his Christianity, they claimed it had nothing to do with Jesus and everything to do with the fact that he was bad football player.

Seen above is Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson with his smoking hot girlfriend Ciara…who he says he will not be having sex with until after marriage. Also, we use the term “smoking hot” respectfully, of course. Patriarchy.

“I wonder how loud God had to yell for Russel to hear him/her at that moment in the super bowl,” Bennett wrote. “YOOOO RUSSEL. It’s me God. Can you hear me? Aye Jesus is this thing on. Come help your pops out. Lol”

On Sunday, AKA the lord’s day, Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson sat down for a one-on-one interview with Pastor Miles McPherson at San Diego’s Rock Church. Wilson, who has been linked to pop star Ciara for months, finally went public with the relationship. He went on to shock the church with the most painful-sounding and nonsensical announcement this side of the foreskin covenant: Russell Wilson and Ciara were doing it “Jesus’ way” In other words, not doing it.