Truthfully, nobody can really teach you how to write. These are only guidelines, suggestions and tricks of the trade to help a fledgling author over a few of the humps we have all battled. Godspeed, and good luck.

RULE #1 - WRITE!

All the time, everywhere. Make the time. Cancel dates, forget TV, pass-by books and hot sex with the twins down the hallway. A writer writes. If you're not totally committed to Rule #1, then don't bother reading any further and please pass this on to a friend who really wants to become an author.

RULE #2 - WRITE IN YOUR OWN VOICE

Sounds silly, I know, but writing is one art form where it is generally best to shoot from the heart. Nothing fancy. Don't wax didactic with palliardic xenophobes, if this is not how you normally talk (or even if you do). And don't try to write up to the reader, or down to him either. One will only make you a fool, the other - pompous. Neither will get you sold. It also wastes a lot of energy you'll need for other things.

The idea is really very simple. If you can tell an interesting story, then you can write an interesting story. However, if your friends hate the way you meander through a joke, or the plethora of unnecessary details you added to that fishing trip tale, then these are major danger points to watch out for.

Just be yourself. If you have something to say, eventually it will come out.

RULE #3 - ESTABLISH GOOD WRITING HABITS

Explanation: make a place where all you do is write. Nothing else. No goofing off, no reading books, no TV, don't balance your checking account, fondle your lover, eat lunch, play computer games, NOTHING ELSE! Just writing. Surprisingly, if you follow this rule adamantly, someday when you really don't feel like writing, but have a deadline, then by just returning to the 'writing place', your brain will automatically kick into gear. It's rather like Pavlov's dog with a typewriter. Minus all that icky saliva.

RULE #4 - LEARN FROM THE MASTERS

This is a fabulous trick I was taught long ago. Take your favorite book - not the book you most enjoy to read - but the novel whose literacy merits you most admire. This decision is important. Do not make the choice lightly. Then with magic marker, pen and paper, totally dissect the book line by line. Take voluminous notes. Analyze how this person established tone for that spectacular scene, the little details that helped create the dimensional effect. The wooden chair arm oily smooth with polish, the salty sweat stinging his cracked lips, etc.

Now, this procedure, if done correctly, will greatly assist you in quickly establishing a style of your own. However, it will also totally and forever destroy this book for you. Never again will you be able to enjoy reading this work. It is a simple straightforward sacrifice. You kill a favorite book to glean every kernel of knowledge from the novel.

It's cruel, it's cold, it's hard. But this does work.

RULE #5 - SAY IT CORRECTLY

This is a personal bugaboo of mine. Use the correct word the first time, and you suddenly won't be desperately pawing through the thesaurus. Or infinitely worse - sound like a complete nitwit.

Example: "With little time left, he turned left at the door and left the building."

Technically, this is correct, but artistically it's crap. Try 'remaining' for the first 'left', and 'exited' for the third. Even the second 'left' can be replaced with 'towards the parking lot' to enhance the visuals and re-affirm with the reader exactly where they are located. You get the idea.

A limited vocabulary is a major stumbling block to overcome. I know. It was my biggest problem. The solution? Simple. Read the dictionary. Straight through from A to Z. Then do it again, and again. Yes-yes, it's a boring read (even though you can always sneak a peek at the end of the book and discover that the zymurgy did it) and this grueling task that takes tremendous discipline. However, not only will your vocabulary drastically improve, a fledging author will be astonished at the nigh limitless mine of interesting, useful and utterly strange information collected by Mr. Webster. You'll come out of it wiser, better informed, slightly erudite, and quite possibly with half a dozen good story ideas.

RULE #6 - USE A PRO'S PROSE

Keep 'quotes' to a minimum, only use asides (like this) when absolutely necessary, no italics, avoid foreign language phrases, don't even attempt dialect speech, and never-ever use clichés. Avoid them like the plague. See? You get the idea.

This is all important. Human dynamics make a story. An interesting character can be doing nothing of real importance and still entertain, while a really fascinating story with no characters becomes a lecture.

A simple trick to enhance a world is for the people in the story to mention non-relevant story events. A concert they plan on attending, spilling coffee on a book borrowed from a brother-in-law, d**n that neighbor's dog, etc. A casual mention of secondary events can put flesh on an imaginary world and bring it to life. Beware of GOP, goal oriented people, characters whose every thought is solely directed to bringing the story to an end. *Yawn* This is the mark of a true amateur.

If a character seems a bit vague, or uninteresting, and you just can not seem to get him in line, try filling out an application-for-employment form. Interesting background material will surface, and personalities crystallize.

There's more. A lot more. But the rest you will have to learn the hard way - by doing it. So what are you waiting for? Oil that typewriter, boot the computer, sharpen those pencils and get to work!

Good luck.

Copyright 2002 Nick Pollotta

POINTS TO CONSIDER

VOLTAIRE - "Art must entertain and enlighten. To do only one, is a waste of time and effort."

HARLAN ELLISON - "Put everything down on paper, you can edit the crap out later."

FRANK SINATRA - "Work as if immediately after finishing the project you are going to drop dead, and it is by this one thing, and this one thing only, that you will be remembered...or forgotten."

HOWARD HAWKS - "There are five simple rules for telling a good story: you must have a scene where everybody cheers the hero, and a scene where they all boo the villain, a scene where they gasp in horror, a scene where they burst into laughter, and DON'T &*$#% UP THE REST!"

ERNEST HEMINGWAY - "From page one, light a fire under the reader that is only extinguished with the words 'The End'."

ROBERT A. HEINLEIN - "The first line of a novel denotes the basic thrust of the entire work."

FAULKNER - "There is truly only one plot in all of fiction - the human heart in conflict with itself."

Nick Pollotta is a professional novelist specializing in science fiction and military thrillers, with over 60 books published worldwide. A student of the martial arts and an avid gamer, he currently lives in northern Illinois with his beautiful wife Melissa, 14,000 books, three computers and two cats who plan to conquer the world. His novel Stony Man: Sky Killers (written as Don Pendleton) was published in February 2002. Visit him on the web at www.NickPollotta.com.

Very useful advice. Was this thread a sub I'd vote 4.5-5. Every aspiring authro should read this at least once.

Also:

A small change to rule #4 that might be more applicable this day and age:

Drop by your favorite online bookstore and see if you can get the work in question as a PDF file. Then take your pdf copy and use adobe's copy/paste option (or save as text) to make a copy of the book into MS word, open office etc..

From there you can very easily highlight, cut/paste and annotate as much as you like without annihalting your dead tree version. (and do it a dozen times quicker and more organized)

Another useful tip I found works wonders:

Pick up a small pocket tape recroder and mic. (lie the kind journalists or doctors use) Then when you're waiting for an appointment, or riding the subway you have a readily available method to record plot ideas, character revisions, or even the next chapter without having to hastily scribble in a note pad when inspiration strikes.

(and unless you're a master of short hand, you'll get tons more down on the tape recorder in less time than it takes you to write it in the notepad.)