Being forced to watch this utter pish by the missus, i can only stare at the TV in total contempt at the f*ckwits parading around on the screen. I thought it was supposed to be even nastier this year? I've had nastier sh*ts.

I would like to see the housemates suffer total sleep deprivation, bright lights on and white noise played at deafening volume during the night. So when they eventual leave the house they are totally confused and find it hard to fit into normal life outside.

One housemate at random will be dragged away and beaten senseless when they enter the diary room, to make the others sh*t sacred to go in there.

Russian style "knock-out gas" should be pumped into the house, so we can have a few days off from this mundane drivel ... or when there's any decent sport on the telly.

They should be forced to live on ships biscuits and water for the duration of their stay. Every now and again a Mars bar will be given to a contestant secretly, when the said contestant scurries away to hide it, it's announced over the tannoy and planks with nails in it are issued.

Forget voting for eviction. Vote for execution. On a large scale. On the opening day of the series. The one who makes the most convincing, grovelling, piteous cries for mercy gets to die last. That's only fair. But the whole programme shouldn't take more than a couple of minutes, max. Do it during the adverts, even better.