Category Archives: Love, Peace and Faith

This week happens to be the National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW). In the spirit of helping myself, my IVF children and others who have IVF children or are planning to build a family either through adoption or fertility treatment, we write this blog.

Dealing with infertility has several aspects – emotional, financial, legal, and of course the biological aspect. There are infertile couples and there are dysfertile people or couples like a gay, lesbian couple or a single person wanting to be a parent. Individually they are able to have a child biologically but need assistance of either a donor and/or surrogate to completely build out their family. Here are top 10 reasons to RESOLVE in dealing with fertility issues.

Having a child is a human right – learn it, accept it. Everyone has the right to try to have a child. Sometimes we may not be as blessed or lucky to have a child then we have to learn to accept it. The pain stays but learn to manage the pain. Pace yourself and don’t let anyone tell you whether you should have a child or not – thats your decision.

Secrecy and stigma are the biggest culprits. Help yourself over this and help others over this because change only happens when you change yourself.

Advocacy – The intent is to spread awareness and educate everyone. While awareness of fertility issues is on the rise, number of people affected by fertility issues is still a minority even though a sizeable one. So it is important to advocate every welcome opportunity you get so that we can get more support even from unaffected voters because that’s how democracy works.

Support – You will be surprised to know how many people have to deal with fertility issues either directly or indirectly through a close family member or friend. Once you are comfortable in speaking out, you will have lot of support. You can also be a support person for someone else. You may build great friendships as a result regardless of whether you have a child or not.

Financial Support – While fertility treatments are costly, hopefully through advocacy and laws we can get more assistance from health care providers to cover costs. In the meantime, just like planning a monthly budget, plan your financial resources adequately to meet the costs. Do not run yourself dry or get wrapped up in the single theme of having a child at any cost. Having a healthy life is equally important.

Legal Support – Laws are still evolving on this subject. Each case is considered differently based on your jurisdiction and the kind of treatment sought. Be very precise and accurate about your situation and the applicable laws. For example, what may have worked for one person in Massachusetts, the same outcome may not be possible in Texas.

International Laws – If you plan to have an IVF child abroad, the US laws require a “genetic link” between US parent and the IVF child. If you are infertile that means legally you cannot bring a child back to the US legally. Understand your options very clearly before embarking on this journey. The only thing WORSE than not having a child is the trauma of having an IVF child abroad but not being able to bring the IVF child back to the US due to lack of laws.

Child options – Whether you plan to have a child through adoption or through fertility treatments, always follow the laws. While the journey of having a child is entrenched in emotions and compassion of others, the laws are not based on emotions. And our lives are ruled by laws. While an adult can fool the laws for the sake of the child, having faulty documentation for a child can create legal issues for the innocent child in the future.

Rare condition – There is no condition nor situation which is extremely rare. There is always someone who is rarer, you just have not met them or they have not met you. In the community of fertility issues, you will come across many “rare conditions” and see the courage and strength of people to overcome. That is the biggest lesson – to learn from others regardless whether you have a child or not.

Humanity – Anyone who is dealing with fertility issues is inherently a good human. It works because of compassion for a fellow human being – be it adoption or donor or surrogate. And this is the best gift that you can give a fellow human being. So let us celebrate the humanity and the good in the people as we deal with fertility issues.

In a marriage everyone says that a person changes after marriage – man or woman. The courting time is NOT the same as life after marriage. When issues arise, there are communication issues, therapy sessions, maybe friends and family, and if there is LOVE somehow things work out or one breaks-up. It is safe to say it is in our human behavior that we all are inherently displaying and placing our best foot forward during courting and once the deal is done maybe we start taking the other person for granted OR are distracted OR were LIED to or CHEATED or FRAUDED. As individuals, we all have our issues to deal with but communication is KEY. In that, truth is KEY. In that, LOVE PROSPERS.

“This was not a crime of greed, this was not a crime of vengeance, but it was an act of selfishness, a crime of selfishness” – said Judge P. Kevin Castel of Federal District Court

When a fraud intersex marriage begins to unravel, it has disastrous consequences at ALL levels if there were LIES. There are a lot of intersex people who are HONEST about their situation with the person they claim to LOVE and it often works out amicably. So the issue is NOT intersex, the issue is honesty and trust and love. When those things CHANGE in any marriage, how can it survive? In an intersex marriage in 2000s, there is the added burden of dealing with the LACK of LAWS. There are lot of intersex people who had the surgery either BEFORE marriage while their parents were the caregivers or never had the surgery. So the issue of a “spouse caregiver” does NOT arise. Then there are the facts we have to consider.

CAIS and its Effects in a Marriage

There is scientific evidence that people with Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (CAIS) have male testes. The medical community often recommends a surgery to remove the male testes (which has since been determined as unnecessary and as torture) and go on a Hormone Replacement Therapy. The medical treatment causes depression, irritability, wild mood swings, severe trauma among other things. This is what is REPORTED in medical literature. The medical community uses a concealment based approach to systematically LIE and create fraud medical documents.

1) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, the issue is LYING. Because of the LIES, it takes away the RIGHTS of the spouse caregiver. What about the violence, the abuse, the threats during this transition phase? By denying the TRUTH, the abuse and trauma are CONTINUED on the unsuspecting, victim spouse caregiver of intersex.

2) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, the issue is DENIAL of TRUTH. What about the FACT that the father was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the IVF child because the intersex person was under medical treatment? What about the inseparable BOND and love that a son had with his father because he was his primary care provider in silence despite the “conventional stereotypes” against males. Was it a MISTAKE to show compassion and stay quiet and have the silence and humility USED against you or worse, against innocent brother and sister?

3) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, the issue is the LAW relies on documents and what do you do with a FRAUD MEDICAL DOCUMENT in court? If an intersex person chooses to DENY themselves the TRUTH and continues to LIE, they are cheating themselves the MOST. Their LIES are hurting so many other LIVES.

4) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, the fraud medical records have unintended consequences on innocent children including ABUSE.

5) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, most insurances do NOT cover the surgery and is an out of pocket expense for intersex patients and families. Without TRUTH and awareness, how can we get insurance benefits for other intersex people and families or do we continue a pattern and trend of fraud and lying?

6) The issue is NOT whether a CAIS person has testes or ovaries, the issue is DENIAL. The first step for any solution is acceptance. How can we ever get to any solution for the children if we LIVE IN DENIAL? Instead, one continues to repeat a thousand lies to hide one lie and continuing to HURT and ABUSE more people. Are SIBLINGS important?

Transition – the Pupa Stage

It is absolutely very traumatic for a CAIS person to go through the unnecessary surgery and then go on HRT. And that too during a marriage to a spouse they LIED to about their situation. If the trauma was NOT enough, it would only make the trauma MORE because of the guilt or may be not if they are seasoned to lying. Is there any trauma for the spouse caregiver of intersex? Or is the spouse caregiver AT FAULT to be married to an intersex person and wanting to help? A person CHANGES in every way possible as they work through this transition – mentally, physically, physiologically, emotionally, spiritually. Any one of these changes has a profound EFFECT in any marriage. Notice we are leaving intimacy out of it. Now imagine ALL these CHANGES occurring at the SAME TIME in a marriage, it is certainly MORE than a FULL CUP of CHANGE. It is often sprinkled with violence, abuse, emotional out bursts, guilt, threats, irritability, and so on. As time goes on, the stabilization occurs AND the person has CHANGED. Worse, it happened in secrecy and silence. Did anyone pay a PRICE for the CHANGE?

The Butterfly

The person whom you knew BEFORE the marriage has CHANGED – nothing new for most marriages. The person whom you became a spouse caregiver for has CHANGED – there are lot of spouse caregivers too. The person for whom you gave up higher education, career, better part of 30s, respected their privacy and secrecy, living in a world of 6 billion BUT living LONELY in secrecy due to the TRANSITION has CHANGED – now we are getting into the “minority region”. Over time, the medical treatment has stabilized and maybe even CHANGED for the better. If the person is a butterfly today, a spouse caregiver of intersex and his IVF child have experienced and seen the WORST pupa stage in silence. Who was the PRIMARY CARE PROVIDER for the IVF child during this traumatic transition and ongoing medical treatment? It is an experience that stays with you for a lifetime. As traumatic as miscarriages are to a mother, one can NEVER forget. One tries to live and move on and maybe even are blessed with other children but the MISCARRIAGE and its experience are ALWAYS a part of you. Our life is a SUM of our experiences. So please do NOT placate by suggesting cliche statements like “past is past”, “move on”, etc. Unless you have experienced the transition of your spouse in every way imaginable way and discovering the LIES, you have no CLUE what that is. That experience has made a STRONGER person of the caregiver, why FORGET?

So if the person has stabilized, if they have CHANGED for the better, what is the issue? The issue is LIES that involve breaking the laws. The issue is the continued LIES to SPLIT innocent brother and sister. By showing a fraud medical record of having a “removal of ovaries” surgery DOES NOT change the facts. First it shows that the intersex person is still in DENIAL and one has to deal with the multitude of issues for themselves. Second, it DENIES the RIGHTS of others like the innocent IVF brother and sister and the spouse caregiver. Its as if their life of abuse, lies, pain, suffering, trauma, victimization NEVER happened. It takes away the basic human dignity of a person to speak the TRUTH. Third, CAIS is naturally occurring meaning there will still be OTHERS born with it who will ALSO have male testes. How will the LYING or FRAUD medical records HELP them? Isn’t it better to say the TRUTH and empower them with the TRUTH?

Chaos Theory and Butterfly Effect – As the theory goes that a butterfly flapping its wings in China can cause weather systems in the US. What do years of secrecy, lies and breaking laws do to an unsuspecting, innocent family who are SPLIT with two IVF children on two different continents and are NOT allowed to meet? Is it fair to say that the lingering effects of being part of an intersex family and the lack of laws to address the issues of an intersex family are with them for a lifetime?

Looking Ahead – Move Forward

The irony is that the LIES of the medical community have traumatized and devastated several intersex children unnecessarily. The REAL culprit being secrecy and stigma. Now the SAME LIES are traumatizing and devastating the innocent childhoods of an IVF brother and sister. What have the LIES accomplished? They have placed the innocent IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO. Should we repeat history and DENY them their RIGHTS TOO like denial of rights for intersex?

The lesson learnt is that intersex or IVF is NOT the culprit. The LACK of LAWS due to secrecy, lying and lack of awareness is. So NO MORE lying, truth begins. The journey may be long, tedious, lot of opposition, against conventional wisdom with the ongoing LGBTI movements, BUT then again what is “conventional” about this case? Change is constant, change is inevitable just like TRUTH.

There was the Apollo mission and then there is the international IVF by a binational immigrant mission and we have NOTHING. One does IVF (in vitro fertilization) due to infertility or dysfertility. And a trace do it for “cosmetic” reasons. Maybe the notion of having a baby is more important than actually caring for a baby. Regardless of why one does IVF, the chances of success are pegged at 33%, the medical treatment is not easily affordable and therefore not easily accessible by all who need it, and the end objective is to be blessed with a baby. The point is there is careful planning, deliberate sacrifices, and lot of struggles to get to the final stage when the baby arrives. So what does one do when the IVF baby is born into our wonderful world?

We Have Nothing?

In hindsight, when one embarks on international IVF as a binational immigrant, the first thing to strike you is NOT the money, NOT the sacrifices, NOT the distance, NOT the remote logistics, NOT the so many “what ifs”, NOT the trauma and anxiety and uncertainty, NOT the secrecy and lying, it should be the LAWS. Which by the way are non-existant for IVF children born of binational immigrants. Rather one embarks as a human being due to love, honesty, truth and respect.

Love : A deep loving bond has to exist in order for two people to commit to have an IVF child remotely in another country and agree to raise the IVF child together.

Honesty : There is honesty between two people who know the facts as to who is the biological parent of the IVF child – something required by law. Or else one would need to adopt – again something required by law. The honesty also entails a pact between two people that the IVF child shall remain with the biological parent at all times.

Truth : There is truth between two people to abide by the prevailing laws especially when transfer of a human being (the IVF child) is concerned across international boundaries which requires legal paperwork including a valid passport and visa. There is an agreement between two people to show up in a foreign country when the IVF child is born and return to the resident country with the IVF child and raise the two siblings together.

Respect : There is respect for the infertile person that despite their condition which is naturally occurring meaning it is NOT in their control.

There are lot of undeclared points between two people which are NOT on a legal contract. Does that mean LAWS have NOT been broken? Does that mean other binational immigrants who choose to do international IVF can successfully bring an IVF child born outside the US to the US? In order for that to happen, laws will have to CHANGE. For now, all we have is love, honesty, truth and respect to show. Or is that NOTHING?

The IVF children

It is one thing to hate your spouse. That is nothing uncommon, just ask several of the married and divorced people including heterosexuals, gays, lesbians, bisexuals, transgender, intersex (GLBTI). It is completely separate to DENY a child their rights, to DENY a legal identity to an innocent child, to DENY siblings a chance to grow up together as was planned and agreed upon, to DENY a son his loving father’s affection. It is about time to speak up against the heinous and torturous situation for the sake of the IVF children, if not NOW then when? What did the secrecy and lying achieve? Had the Apollo astronauts not said the now famous words, “Houston, we have a problem”, how could the ground staff and the crew have manged to work together to get out of a less than “sticky and messy” situation? Only truth is the way to move forward or we have NOTHING.

Challenge : If the intersex person is so sure about having done the right thing, the challenge is to make it repeatable. Find one person out of 7 billion in the world willing to go through the same thing. And will make the challenge little easier, one can start with saying the truth instead of secrecy and lying. If you find such a person, the good news is you will have another child and there will be a “sibling to grow up with” for the older child. If not, the answer is we have NOTHING.

Marching Ahead

Practice what you preach. This case is “reverse” in every sense of the way where the father has stepped out of the stereotype in every way possible. So first practice and then preach.

The proud IVF father understands the reasons why an infertile person would lie at any cost to have a child. In fact, he considers himself lucky that he has been left alive, there are cases where infertile people have murdered fertile people to take away their child. After living with love, honesty, truth, respect, the proud IVF father has got NOTHING. He understands the right answer is to get LAWS passed so people do not have the need to lie or break the laws. And that’s where he is focused now, to get EQUAL rights for IVF children and families. It will benefit him and his IVF children and the millions of other IVF children born and yet to be born.

The principles of love, honesty, truth, and respect have NOT changed. The mission has. The mission for Apollo 11 was to land on the moon which CHANGED unexpectedly to a rescue mission to just safely land on earth and be with family. The proud IVF father is just wanting to live “normally” with truth and honesty with family on earth. Do we have something or nothing?

Do not commit so many crimes by staying silent that even God will come ask you to stop, just stop.

Intersex people being honest is refreshing. Should spouses of intersex also be allowed EQUAL freedom to deal with the issues they are facing due to lack of laws and discrimination?

Story of Jessica who had family support including her boyfriend in her surgery and the whole family got together because they could be honest with each other. Truth and honesty breeds love.

Story of Cynthia, again another great story of intersex person in Chicago who may be struggling but is happy at being honest and everyone around her accepted her because of her honesty. Truth and honesty breeds love.

Several other such first-hand stories are available about intersex people. Do spouses of intersex have EQUAL rights to voice the story from their perspective even though the intersex person wants to impose silence, lies and dishonesty? How do you deal with complex issues like EQUAL rights for children and EQUAL rights for spouses of intersex without petitioning with facts and truth?

Like this:

Seems like the movement for equal rights for gays is making progress. A lot of countries around the world have passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Some states in US have also passed laws legalizing gay marriage. Immigration of binational same-sex couples and IVF children is still illegal and open for discussion. When gay marriage is legalized, will the powers to be also change with action and not just words? What does “gay rights” mean? Is it just marriage rights or beyond including having the rights to raise a happy and loving family? We need the entire ecosystem to provide and protect gay rights.

DOMA struck down by US Supreme Court – June 26, 2013

If a mother has a right to see a smile on her child’s face when she provides him a sibling, does a gay father have the same rights to the same feelings? Does a spouse of intersex have the same rights to the same feelings? And what about the child? Does the child have the right to a sibling’s touch, feel, hugs, kisses if they have a sibling?

1) When gay marriage is legal, will ministries across the government change their name from “Women and Children” to “Children and Parent” Issues or do children ONLY have rights through a woman? Reminds us of the cruel Jim Crow laws or segregation by color. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

2) When gay marriage is legal, will there be social organizations who offer their services to “children and parent” or will it be reserved only for “women and children”? Reminds us of the cruel British rule of “Indians and Dogs not allowed” in social establishments in India during their “Raj”. Change is slow but truth always prevails.

3) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to have children to raise as loving parents and will the children get recognition and rights as “children of marriage“?

4) When gay marriage is legal and have children, will they be allowed to breastfeed their children?

5) When gay marriage is legal, will they be allowed to participate in a foster program to raise a child lovingly?

6) When gay marriage is legal, will they be protected from domestic violence and abuse from their spouse? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female? Or is the logic that domestic violence and abuse between two males simply does NOT occur?

7) When gay marriage is legal, will the abused spouse be encouraged to not be SILENT and report the abuse? Will there be laws, social organizations who will support them or will they be villified?

8) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be a FAIR statement of FACTS or will there be suppression of FACTS? Will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN be first?

9) When gay marriage is legal and if a divorce occurs, will there be alimony paid by a male to another male? Or is that only reserved if one of the spouse is a female?

10 When gay marriage is legal, will the spouse get EQUAL caregiver rights as a male spouse caregiver?

11) When gay marriage is legal, will the gay person be allowed to run for the US Presidency with truth? or will he have to lie for the highest office in the nation?

Some questions are rhetorical, some questions are real, and some questions are forcing oneself to think. The real test of being a human, the ability to think.

Maulik knows the answers to these questions as he has already experienced the life of breaking laws and crimes and the punishment meted out on him and his children. Sadly, he is not a woman and he is a dual minority and not a “critical mass” and thus not a “political asset”, so it is perfectly OK to violate his rights and implicitly his children’s rights. Truth prevails and the biggest jurors are the innocent children. And fighting for the truth is not a crime or is it? I suppose we could ask Mahatma Gandhi or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. if they were around.

If you support gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you oppose gay marriage, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you just support any marriage based on love, trust, and honesty, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

If you support anyone based on truth and facts, you should support equal rights for IVF parents and spouse of intersex like Maulik.

Like this:

Looking for an Erin Brockowich or “Pam Landy” from the movie “The Bourne Ultimatum”. Anyone willing to give it ALL to uncover the TRUTH and provide relief to the VICTIMS?

1) If Maulik were a woman…The innocent children would be UNITED and growing up together.

First, the prevailing laws would NEVER SPLIT innocent brother and sister, if born of the same woman. But since the innocent children are born through IVF, it is morally and legally OK to SPLIT them because of their parent’s gender. The heart weeps for innocent, voiceless children who are victims based on a parent’s gender. First, a spouse of intersex was victimized using lies and fraud under silence and now the same victimization is being continued on innocent, voiceless children. Is it time to speak up? Victimizing unsuspecting humans to secure one’s own human rights is NOT a solution, its multiple violations of multiple human beings.

Every child in this world has a mother. Only a mother can give birth…humans have not figured out yet how to do that outside the womb. But is every mother ALSO a “legal mother”? IVF does open up some doors for varying definitions of a “legal mother”. If a man uses his sperm, an anonymous donor and surrogate, who is the “legal mother”? Only the father would be the KNOWN biological parent for the IVF children.

A Child’s ONLY FAULT…

a) From 1940s to 1970s, US, Canada and Australia during the baby scoop era forced adoptions of innocent children born to single mothers out of wedlock because it was “socially unacceptable” and gave the children to “deserving infertile couples”. The ONLY FAULT of the innocent child to grow up SEPARATELY from the biological family is they were born to a “single mother”.

b) Today, the ONLY FAULT the innocent IVF siblings are growing up SEPARATELY is because of their only known biological parent’s GENDER, a male and that is “socially unacceptable”. Gay fathers, single fathers, IVF fathers are not looked upon as “socially acceptable” yet.

2) If Maulik were a woman…his daughter and mother would not have been punished.

Accidents happen. A mother dies during child birth or a mother has a severe medical condition right after child birth which prevents a mother from being the primary care provider for an infant. But what if an intended parent places an “order” for an IVF baby in India while living in the US and DOES NOT show up when the “ordered IVF baby” is born in India and meet the US Immigration law requirements. Instead the infant girl child is pre-meditatively abandoned and an innocent aging grandmother raises the innocent IVF granddaughter at a great personal cost to her health. If Maulik were a woman, he could have taken his biological child with him to the US WITHOUT anyone’s help or support.

3) If Maulik were a woman…there would be more social, legal, financial, moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister.

There would be several social organizations offering legal, financial, and moral support to UNITE the innocent brother and sister. But because the SAME two innocent brother and sister are born of a father, they get LESS support. If you do not know what its like to be discriminated because of your colour, caste, creed, religion, but now one can see that innocent CHILDREN are punished because of their only biological parent’s GENDER, a male.

4) If Maulik were a woman…There would be more support, empathy and help during the caregiving years.

It is a FACT that there are MORE female caregivers than male. As a result, it is only logical to find more support, help and someone to SHARE for respite as a caregiver. A caregiver does not CONTROL the medical situation of the patient, they are a caregiver out of love and compassion for the patient. The most important aspect for any caregiver is to be able to SHARE. As a young, male, spouse caregiver one can attest that the argument that men SHARE less than women is FALSE. While there may be MORE men who do not SHARE as women do, typically those men are also NOT caregivers and is reflected in the statistics. Men who are caregivers SHARE a LOT, its in their nature, its in the nature of any caregiver irrespective of gender.

5) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he would have been allowed to share the “secret” seeing how the secrecy and lies was breaking me down.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship with another woman, he would have received more empathy, support, and help. Maulik would have been protected from domestic abuse and violence and implicitly his child.

6) If Maulik were a woman in a lesbian relationship with another woman…he may not have been LIED to or cheated.

If Maulik were in a lesbian relationship, the spouse would have been honest from the get go. Love is built on trust and a foundation of lies (regardless of the “traumatic medical condition”) is NOT love.

7) If Maulik were a woman…he could have fulfilled my child’s wish to give him a sibling.

While wonderful medical technology like IVF affords us to have children, the LAWS have simply not caught up and are still based on GENDER of the parent. Then why allow men to have kids without a “legal mother” and punish the innocent children?

8) If Maulik were a woman…he could have breastfed my child instead of abusing him by attempting to breastfeed with “NO MILK” as a genetic male.

While women who do not give birth to a child, through medically administered hormonal therapy they can still lactate and produce milk for a baby. Provided there is enough milk, a woman can breastfeed a child. As a male, there is no milk and while pretending to be a woman, inadvertently, an innocent infant cries incessantly for food as there is no breast milk. The right answer is to give the hungry infant formula milk like most IVF children and NOT abuse a hungry infant while trying to become a woman.

9) If Maulik were a woman…he would feel sorry for a man wanting to make IVF children without a “legal mother”.

There are men who are gay, there are men who are married to Eunuch or intersex, there are single fathers, there are fertile men in a heterosexual relationship with an infertile woman, who WANT children. In a case of IVF, the only known biological parent in any of these cases is the MALE. As a fertile lesbian or single woman, the same gender-based IVF laws do not affect a woman. Feel sorry for such fertile men who love and want children but LAWS punish both them and inadvertently their CHILDREN.

10) If Maulik were a woman…as a mother,he would ask to STOP this crime on humanity and innocent IVF children by placing them in LEGAL LIMBO.

A birth certificate is NOT the property of parents, it is the property of EACH INDIVIDUAL. Therefore its authenticity is CRITICAL for a LIFETIME. Recently, there was a big row in India about a birth date for Gen. V. K. Singh (retd). Having CREDIBLE birth information for EACH INDIVIDUAL is their right which cannot and should not be denied. If we as a society cannot pass fair and equal laws, we should call a moratorium on IVF children born of fathers as the only known biological parent. Deliberately placing innocent IVF children in LEGAL LIMBO is a crime against humanity. The same bioethical reasons why human cloning is banned is the same bioethical reasons why bringing IVF children into this world with their rights in LEGAL LIMBO is wrong.

While most places in the world do NOT allow legal gay marriage yet, what will it look like when gay marriage is legalized? And then there will be gay divorce. What will a gay divorce look like? And what about the children in a gay marriage if any? Since there is NO mother in a gay marriage, will the children be SPLIT when divorced? Or will the BEST INTEREST of the CHILDREN come FIRST?

In a gay marriage, are trust and love equally important or is lying and cheating allowed?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse have EQUAL access to medical records as a caregiver?

In a gay marriage, will the spouse be protected by law for domestic violence and abuse?

For a bi-national immigrant gay couple, will they be allowed to immigrate to the US legally?

In a gay marriage, if they do not ADOPT, only one spouse will be a biological parent if they have a child through IVF. Will the child be allowed to immigrate legally to the US if the child is born outside the US to an immigrant bi-national gay couple?

In a gay marriage, does the child call anyone a “mother”?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a “mother tongue” or a “primary care provider tongue” or a “father tongue”?

In a gay marriage, will either male try to breastfeed the infant? What if there is no lactation, will they allow the infant to cry incessantly and suffer while hungry?

In a gay marriage, what traditional stereotype will be used to assign “primary care provider” role since there is no mother?

In a gay marriage, does the child have a right to have a sibling?

In a gay marriage, what if it takes a few years and repeated failed IVF attempts and perseverance to keep trying to provide a sibling for the child? Will the biological parent make all the efforts and trips to have a second child? What support will the non-biological parent provide?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent files divorce with NO mention of ongoing IVF pregnancy, how will the court look after the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN of a gay marriage?

In a gay divorce, what if the biological parent is EXILED from the US as the second IVF child is NOT allowed to immigrate to the US without a mother?

In a gay divorce, has DUE PROCESS been allowed without intimidation and threats of saving a little infant girl’s life half a world away?

In a gay divorce, what if the non-biological parent takes no accountability or responsibility for raising the second child and abandons the innocent child and is not required to pay any child support as the information was suppressed from the court.

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the first IVF child who wanted a sibling? What about the rights of the first IVF child who wants his biological father around while growing up?

In a gay divorce, what about the rights of the second IVF child for being abandoned and endangering their welfare? Do they get any rights in the US? Is it a crime against humanity?

All this has already happened in an intersex marriage and divorce between two genetic males. And neither gay marriage or intersex marriage is LEGAL yet which means, yes LAWS have been broken, not once but multiple times. The key difference is in a gay marriage, both spouses know and understand they are gay and have same rights – equal or unequal. In an intersex marriage, the unsuspecting non-intersex spouse is a VICTIM and is unaware of the unequal rights for intersex but inherits them. And sadly, the victimization and abuse continues to the innocent children and not being allowed to grow up together. In a gay marriage, both spouses may be fertile but in an intersex marriage, the intersex person is infertile. The temptation and bias for a child Vs their own selfish interests present a severe conflict of interest.

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SEPARATOMETER

Sign The Petition

Unite Siblings

To Whom It May Concern

I add my voice to those supporting the right to uniting the innocent siblings before their childhood is over. I support equal IVF family rights and equal caregiver rights. I pledge to encourage all communities to share the truth with humility, civility, and dignity.