Why Southern African Women Can’t Resist West African Men

A few weeks ago we were walking in town and Boaz asked me a question that kinda shocked me. ‘As a woman, do you ever look at other men and lust after them?’ Umm, though Nino and I are close like that and we talk about anything, that question took me by surprise.

‘Why would you ask such a question?’ I asked him.

‘Because I think that’s a guilty pleasure for a lot of women, they may be with a man they love but they won’t be any chemistry or physical attraction. Women can grow to love any man despite looks but it doesn’t mean they are attracted to them. For us men, when we see a woman who is attractive, we just go for her, but women don’t approach men, they can only choose from what comes to them’. Yep, Boaz is deep like that.

Well, so it got me thinking.

When I met my ex-husband at 17, he was my first boyfriend and became my husband simply because he was the first guy that showed me any interest. I actually thought I was such a wretched girl and no one would ever want me or look at me, so when my ex showed me interest I was like thank you, Lord. Yes I was young, never been kissed, innocent, naive and a little stupid if I must say.

However, even in my immaturity, there was something I tried so hard to fight during all the years I was married. I was never physically attracted to my ex-husband. When we got together, physical attraction never once came into play. I was just grateful that a man had been kind enough to love me. But as the years went on, I find myself battling with something so deep yet unspoken. I would look at him and think good Lord, I do not find this man attractive at all.

I felt bad and guilty that I was actually turned off by my own husband. Sometimes I used to say a little prayer to ask God to forgive my wretched heart and cleanse my sinful spirit regarding this secret matter that plagued my heart. I would be so sincere, but the prayers never changed anything. I would do everything as a wife ought to, but deep inside, the chemistry was just not there and it made me feel so unlucky yet lucky if that makes any sense.

When I walked in town the sad thing is I would look at women who were walking with these good looking men and I would envy them. I would be like hey, that girl is lucky to have such a good-looking man as her husband. Then I would comfort myself with ‘at least my husband loves me, that’s better than looks I suppose.’ He was not ugly, but I just didn’t find him attractive.

I remember at one time I confided in one of my older friends from church who was more like a mother to me, ‘I’m not attracted to my husband and it makes me feel like I’m not in love with him’. I told her. ‘Please Jean, you are a Christian woman, that kind of talk is for the world, not a woman who knows the Lord, there is no such thing as I am not attracted to my husband!’ She sharply rebuked me with that look of anger, disappointment, and shock on her face. I took that rebuke humbly, and I repositioned my thinking into believing that my ex-husband was indeed very handsome to me. I also tried hard to convince myself that I didn’t look at man’s appearances, but rather the heart, which is more important.

So when Nino asked me if I looked at other men with lust, it then dawned on me that somehow without realizing it, I was so content with Nino that I had never found myself secretly gazing at another man with eyes of lust and desire. I can look at a man and admire his beauty, but never with lust, desire or passion. Nino’s beauty has become my only desire.

So I answered him truthfully, ‘I used to look at other men and lust after them when I was with my ex-husband, but since I’ve been with you, for some reason I just don’t look at other men like that anymore.’

If anything I love to look at Nino when he’s sleeping and just admire that gorgeous dark skin, the full juicy lips, the muscular arms and all the majestic glory of his beauty.

I do find this melanin King simply irresistible.

Boaz’s brothers in Ghana. I have so much respect for my mother-in-law, she fed these fine young men well.

As much as we say physical attraction is not that important in a relationship, I think a lot of women out there suffer in silence because society down plays the physical attraction importance, especially that of men.

Growing up in Zimbabwe, I never saw men taking pride in their appearance as much. The passion for their beauty was not there, or maybe I just never saw it. In my past marriage, the lack of personal grooming contributed a lot to the lack of physical attraction. I think when you are a man, no matter how your physical appearance is, putting an effort in your dressing, hygiene and body will make a whole lot of difference for your partner. I think it’s a very selfish thing when men don’t bother to work on their appearance. The pressure is always on women to look perfect for men, but often we are not rewarded with the same favor.

There is no denying our black African men are gorgeous in general but I believe they are levels of beauty. When it comes to sex appeal, I personally find that West African men, especially Ghanaians and Nigerians are more polished in their appearance than Southern African men. I just love how West African men embrace fashion and add color to their wardrobe. They have beautiful dark skin and gorgeous bodies too. I think they do stand out and do carry the torch for Africa when it comes to the definition of tall, dark and handsome. Maybe that’s why a lot of Zimbabwean, South African and even Kenyan women have fallen head over heals in love with Nigerian and Ghanaian men. In this interesting opinion article, it describes how Kenyen women get weak in the knees for West African men.

That said, it’s not always about looks, God looks at the heart of man, we can’t be too superficial and vain, but physical appearance has always been important even during biblical times.

Moses’s physical beauty saved his life as a baby. Joseph’s beauty found him favor. Racheal’s beauty found her more favor with her husband. Bathsheba’s beauty made her the King’s favorite wife and first Queen mother. Esther’s beauty made her Queen and saved the Jews. I could go on and on about the importance of personal grooming and physical beauty.

So I am thankful to God, that he gave me a man I am not only in love with but one that I am dangerously attracted to as well. I also hope that more Southern African husbands and boyfriends out there will put more effort in appearance for the sake of their women. They are really cute men but the majority are not that bothered and lack confidence and sex appeal. As long as this is the case, Southern African women will keep being swept off their feet by drop dead melanin rich West African Kings, who not only know how to dress, but also have that charm and sweet tongue that most women find so hard to resist.

It happened to me, and a lot of my sisters around me so I know what I am talking about. One minute I was in a lifeless marriage with not only an abusive husband, but one that I was not even attracted to, and the next minute I was in the arms of a charming, funny, talented dark skinned African King. Physical attraction is not everything, but it matters a lot to us women. That is why a lot of Southern African sisters can not just resist the beauty and charm of their West African brothers.

Southern African women are often attracted to the sex appeal and beauty of West African men

Ghanian men certainly know how to keep their bodies for their women.

West African men are known for their appealing taste in fashion

Their eccentric sense of style gives West African men the crown of Africa’s finest

That’s an interesting observation and disturbing, though i agree with you. Ever wondered why most African women will reasonate with west african male so? they are worldly, with much more exposure, having tangled with the white man earlier, hence the seemingly versatile mind, coupled and God knows this, lot’s of cunning and lies, bequeathed by non other, but the white man. Well, women like drama, with a pinch of a lie here n there, makes them happy, they say. The South African male is not a free spirit, he’s still hurting from the abuse of his yesterdays colonial master, and is predisposed to violence. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, n yes, single, engaged or married, it’s entirely possible to fall in love with someone else’s intellect, money or simply anatomy, in matters sexual appeal, in the latter case. Most important is what you do about it, n appreciating our feelings, n never letting a handshake extend above the elbow is what we should be about here really, isn’t it???

I am Zimbabwean man, I partly agree with the opinion of the writer mostly on the grooming and dressing aspects. Being male and sexual straight I would not be able to comment on the attractiveness of our West African brothers. I will comment on the few “haves’ “dress sense and I find it appalling. Recently I attended a wedding & believe me, I found a guy dressed in a beach shirt, and hat. The clothes were nice but for goodness sake not befitting the occasion. I watched a video of some MPs at a rally, God forbid, 90% needed fashion police if only they could take a cue @ Bob, though very old,he is a good dresser. I think the writer should also consider the economic situation of our brothers @ home. In the current scenario I think the stomach becomes the winner than the dress sense. I recall our generation of the 70s and our brothers of the 50s 60s, those people could dress hands down. In summary I can say it is more to financial meltdown thus the “haves” lack competition & wantonly get away with murder thus laying some credibility to your opinion.

Well for me its a matter a matter of saluvating over a fish you already caught for your super. I would not want to believe you would pass the same comment about your current were you still with your ex. Good for you , you are in love but to turn blind its something else

Very well written Jean. I agree with all that you have written here but I wish to add onto that. West African men also know how to care for women. They know how to respect their women. They know how to love women, how to be kind. They are the true definition of “head of household” in that they head, and not take advantage or dictate. It’s not only about providing, which they do very well, but also protecting. For example, in Zimbabwean culture, how many men can protect their wives and children from domineering and abusive mother in laws? The MIL will dictate everything and find fault with the new DIL, and the husband will side with the mother. If a man carried his own child or feeds or does any household chores, they will be labeled as akadyiswa, and vototsvaga anorutsisa because they believe kuti a normal man should not help in the household. He is like a king who is served akagara. I know some friends who are now married to West African men and you can only admire the lovely way they are treated by the mother in laws, and families in which they are marrying. Kutofamba vakabatwa ruoko vachiemerana whereas in Zim, the man’s family will be frowning on that. Ko icho chihure zvacho, our brothers vari pamberi. Dzimba dzacho kuchema chete hamuna rudo nehanzvadzi dzedu. I am so happy for you Jean, you are glowing, surely God was reserving this Boaz for you, if he had given you this man first maybe you could not have appreciated him as deeply as you do. Much love and [atiently waiting for my own Boaz after having been in a similar situation

Wow just wow Jean i really understand why Zimbos hate you, they are justified. For someone who claims to be a former nurse you should at least know about critical thinking (from university assignments). You should at least understand that one situation can be seen differently depending on the individual’s circumstances. To make a blanket statement about Southern African women being attracted to West African men is offensive . The majority of Zimbos i know are decent dressers with good hygiene my hubby included ( he has a great body may i add). Where is the evidence to suggest that Southern African women are attracted to Ghanians and Nigerians ? Your western African men are infamous for romance scams even you can admit that. Next time you write your rubbish do not include other women like us by making generalisations, speak for yourself.Me and my friends despise west African men especially Naijas if we ever lost our husbands west African would not be considered. I understand you have been hurt by a Zimbo man but dont insult our innocent husbands, sons and fathers. PS i think your husband is fat he could do with loosing a few pounds.