We’ve been together a long, long time, but I’m sorry, I’m leaving you for another. Don’t try to argue: like it or not, I need you to move out by 2025. My friends at the Sierra Club have been pushing hard for this for a while, what with the lobbying and their Beyond Coal campaign, and I finally have to concede they’re right.

You might as well know there’s a new love in my life. We’ve been flirting for a while; that’s why between the two of them, Oregon and Washington possess 38 percent of the nation’s hydropower capacity. Throw in some natural gas and a little wind and you can see where this is going. I’ve got needs, and I can’t in good conscience satisfy them in a fashion that’s unsustainable. It’s for the children.