my god … it's full of stars

this is it

I have spent my entire life going through periods of extreme depression. And, in truth, it’s gotten worse the older I’ve become. Now that I’m facing my thirty-second birthday on Friday I find myself wanting a real change.

Here’s the thing … I know what I have to do in order to avoid the cycle of depression. I know all the details, all the minutia that would completely change my emotional state. And up until this point I haven’t been doing it, I haven’t been taking care of myself, I haven’t been watching out for my own emotional state.

(Surprisingly this actually has very little to do with J. It has everything to do with me.)

So here I am, making some goals. I’m not going to put them down here, because I feel like that sets me up for feelings of failure. What I am going to do is make MYSELF a promise to start taking better care of me. I am going to stop taking the short-term easier way out and I am going to take the long-term into account. I’m done with this struggle and I’m ready to do the damn thing.