I always knew I’ll go back to work after becoming a mother. I just do not do well at home regardless of who I am with. Eventually I become restless and problems start appearing where none existed before. So a year after my little Lily was born, I went back part-time (and still am) and I loved it. It was not as scary or traumatic as I anticipated; on the contrary, I loved (love?) the adult interaction, the only-adults environment and the nice sum I got at the end of the month for my efforts.

I just don’t know what happened over the last few weeks. Every morning I wake up and find it so hard to leave. My sweet Lily is in our bed sleeping snuggled against Daddy. The look so adorable and I miss her before I even leave. My heart breaks a little that I can’t jump back into bed and put my head next to my baby girl’s. In the afternoon when I pick her up, I am literally racing down the street because I can’t wait to see her.

I just remind myself of what I turn into if forced to stay at home day-in-day-out and head outside.

We have a little balcony. After the winter it was looking really sad; plants were dead because of the harsh cold, and a few cases of drinks had accumulated in a corner. Those are our “before” pictures because, you see, even though we’re not going to stay in this place for too long, I’ve decided to make the most of our outdoor area. This spring and summer, I’m hoping to show you how gardening works. And we’re planting only things we can eat.

I’m quite excited about this project. These pics are a couple of weeks old, and since then there has been some improvement. To be continued.

At the dog picture, you pointed and said with great excitement “VAW VAW”.

At the duck picture, you exclaimed “Batta Batta” (Arabic for duck!).

And then at the biscuits pictures, you said “hum hum”, and picked up imaginary biscuits from the page to eat. After you had some, you picked up even more imaginary biscuits and stuffed it into Mama and Papa’s mouth.

You are still scared of letting go and walking by yourself. You are demonstrating over and over that you can but will not. Today you let go of my finger to bend down and pick up a big ball. It took you a couple of seconds to realize that you’re free standing and fall down to your knees. This is the big lesson I’m trying to learn: you are not going to do things my way, you have her own agenda and timetable.

I’m not sure if this is a down or up, but my dear Lily, you are throwing fits already when I say no to something. You throw yourself around and starts banging the floor screaming “NEIN NEIN NEIN…”.

You’re a feisty little one. Screaming and shouting “NEIN” and “MEINE” (all while wagging a finger) whenever a kid comes close to you toys. It made me question the big shiny red ball I got you (a baby magnet). In a way I’m pleased that you are standing up for yourself, but we’ve had a few babies cry from the screaming! Lately though, you’ve been more willing to share.

The testing phase is starting, you sometimes try to bite or hit us, all while giving us a very adorable devilish smile. So adorable I struggle to keep a straight face.

Ups

I’m amazed at how your talking picked up lately. In addition to pointing at things and naming them, you’re using verbs more and more consistently. And in all three languages to boot, Arabic, English and German; I must admit, German is slowly getting an edge. The last few days you will go around and complain with a frustrated sigh “Oh Mann! Geht nicht!” (Translation: oh man! It won’t work).

Dearest Lily, you’re engaging other babies (when you’re well fed and rested). You tried to touch Sophie, give her toys and even gave her a cracker. It warmed my heart to see that.

Whenever you hit yourself or something upsets you, you start crying but then find me to hug. You’ll wrap your arms around my legs or neck for a few seconds, then in a few seconds you’ll be off again playing. My heart literally swells with love.

Even though you won’t walk by yourself, we are walking everywhere together. You hold my finger with your tiny hand and then pull me behind you to explore. On the weekend, you tried to chase a crow around until he hid in a tree. You stood there trying to figure out where he disappeared.

You really love participating in every aspect of our lives. You help me bring the laundry to the washing machine. When something spills you want to wipe it. You helped setting up the plants on the balcony, pretending to water them and pat the dirt in (then proceeding to rip some out). And you’ll fool around with us, playing peekabo and trying to tickle us.

Minus the few tantrums here and there, I am adoring this playful little child that you are.