A fifth-generation native of Central Texas who worked in the state legislature, I agree with Cactus Jack Garner that the State of Texas is too big and should be broken up. When the former republic of Texas was admitted to the Union, it should have been admitted as several states, not one. Another missed opportunity came during Reconstruction, when many of the freed slaves of East Texas, the German-Americans of Central Texas and the Mexican-Americans of South Texas lobbied Washington to divide Texas into several states to protect them from postwar repression by Anglo-Celtic Southerners. The failure to do so allowed the former Confederates of East Texas and their descendants to recapture power in Austin, the state capital, and lord it over minorities in Texas to this day.

An independent Central Texas could be a high-tech social democracy, with really good music and movies, once liberated forever from the Protestant fundamentalist Taliban of East Texas. Willie Nelson could compete with Kinky Friedman to be the first governor. To prevent rivalry between Austin and San Antonio, the new state capital of Centex should be located in a neutral place — say, Luckenbach, Texas.

I kind of love this idea. (I grew up in Western New York State, which bears no resemblance whatsoever, outside of license plates, to New York City.) Texas would be like New England — a state of mind rather than a political state. So we could all still be Texans, except that you would live in Sweatroach and I would live in Cupcakistan. Your cousin would dwell in Windfarmia and your kid would go to school in Westlahoma. (Your in-laws would live in New Honduras.)

Go ahead, try poking holes in this idea. You know you’ve been looking for an excuse to get rid of Austin.