Breakdown

Author: untitledhusband

After over 5 hours of surgery on Monday, I’m happy to report that untitled is doing very well post-bariatric surgery. She can slowly sip down a shot-size cup of water/milk/broth every fifteen minutes. This is considered to be a good amount at this point. The nurses and doctors are pleased with her progress, so she should be coming home on Wednesday.

Before I left tonight we went on a walk around the hospital floor. I thought we’d do one lap. After untitled announced that we’d be doing three, I said “are ya sure?” Her reply was a simple, “I know you can do it.” Her stomach may be the size of a golf ball, but thankfully her sarcasm is still larger than life.

I’ve passed on all of your kind words and thoughts to untitled. It means the world to her that you care.

untitledlife is about to celebrate its first year anniversary. On July 25th, untitled will have been writing this blog one year. She hasn’t written much about how untitledlife came about, but, good or bad, it was my idea. I knew my wife had some amazing writing skills (this was no secret — technically she writes for a living, but writing a product web page or billboard isn’t the same as writing). It only made sense that she share it with others.

Last month untitledlife had just over 21,000 visits. I know these numbers are small in the overall scheme of Internet users, but considering she started with just 1 reader a year ago (me), it amazes untitled (and me, frankly) that so many people care to take 5 minutes out of their day to see what’s happening in untitled’s world.

As I was driving to daycare with the little man in tow, I noticed a few cars here and there with their WINDOWS DOWN. Fuckers. Stubborn self-discipline, incited to make me feel like a self-indulgent pansy in the face of a little — OK, a lot — of heat and moisture. It’s like a big fuck you — we can take the summer weather and you can’t. People, you KNOW you want to turn your air on as bad as me. So just do it. I promise I won’t think any less of you. That piece of shit Alero you’re driving, well, that’s another story.

(Prepare yourself — it’s gonna get mushy ahead.)

I love untitled’s ability to take a mundane topic, like one’s love for air conditioning and turn it into a side-splitting post like “a/c martyrs.” untitled, I’m so, so proud of what you’ve done with untitledlife. And, even more-so, I’m so proud to be untitledhusband.

Thank you to everyone who reads and comments on this blog regularly — V-Grrrl, John, Piglet, Jeanne, Amber, Flubberwinkle, Miss Jean, Anne Nahm, notaclue (sorry if I missed anyone), and thank you to all of the lurkers too! untitled doesn’t always have the time to be as interactive as she would sometimes like with untitledlife, but she reads EVERY comment posted and we often discuss what’s being said over dinner.

Well aren’t you a lucky S.O.B. today! untitled is on her way to a conference on the West coast, and she left me (untitledhusband) in charge of this beast. Actually, it’s more like she didn’t “have time” to write something before she left. I’m not really surprised. If it wasn’t for me, people, this blog would have ended at Numero Uno. I keep Mrs. untitled on task. I knew this was one of my jobs when I married her. I was fully aware she was voted “Most Likely to Be Late” her senior year of high school. I have the yearbook picture to prove it. I wish I could share it with you — can you say mall hair? Suffice it to say, untitled did her part to keep the hair spray industry booming in the 80’s.

Anyway, let’s get this out of the way. I am not a writer. And I don’t have my human spelling/grammar-checker here (a.k.a. untitled) to proof-read this for me. I’m only filling in because nobody else can. Consider yourself warned.

untitled and I have watched American Idol since the first season. It’s a standard on the TiVo To-Do list. Every year we tune in to watch the horrible singers, and we compete with eachother to see if we can pick the next American Idol during the auditions. I’m proud to say that I picked Carrie Underwood when I saw her first audition last year.

Last evening’s episode was taped in Greensboro, NC — home of Idol queens Clay Aiken and Fantasia. The show was chalked full of the requisite freaks. I swear, this one dude looked like the love child of Vince Neil and Michael Jackson. If you saw it, you know who I’m talking about.

However, the biggest freak(s) of them all did not appear to get an audition. And, If you turned away from your TV for a second during the show’s open, you might have missed her. Or, them. I was looking straight at the TV, and did I see them. It turned into a classic TiVo slow-moment. Rewinding and moving forward, frame-by-frame, to make sure I just saw what I saw. This one is right up there with Janet Jackson at the Superbowl.