Titchfield’s controversial Mayor, Barry Slade today appeared to back down from his earlier announcement banning all Park Gate residents from entering the village by saying that he isn’t banning ALL Park Gaters – just the ones he doesn’t like.

“Once again I have been misunderstood, clearly misquoted and misconstrued. Largely, bigly, yugely,” Mayor Slade said today. “Oh yes. Misunderstood. Always happens, happens all the time…yes.

“I haven’t banned ALL Park Gaters from the village. I never exactly said that, never said I was banning all of them. Not all of them; I’ve been misrepresented by these, these fake media reports. What I said wasn’t what I meant. Not what I meant at all.

“I’m just banning the ones I don’t like, those I don’t get along with. Like that crook of an accountant who once ripped me off. Him and some others. I’ll make an announcement after my next announcement, which isn’t about the ban, but about something else entirely. Oh yes. But I’ll get the job done, you can rest assured of that. The job will be done. Whether people like it or not.”

According to the Sunday Express they have, but then according to reports in the EXPRESS there’s all manner of malarkey going on these days. The THREE MONTH ARCTIC WINTER they predicted never actually came about, and neither did the GIANT METEORITE cause GLOBAL DISASTER on Saturday night as predicted. Which tends to suggest that generally speaking the EXPRESS TALKS OUT OF ITS ARSE.

BLASTED!

The EXPRESS has form for this. Indeed the NATIONAL AND ONCE REPUTABLE news outlet appears to have abandoned responsible journalism in favour of blaming refugees and migrants for just about EVERYTHING imaginable. Such a travesty then that THE EXPRESS’s article of the month features a clip of some American bloke POPPING A MASSIVE ZIT, and drowning the screen in repulsive pus. Not forgetting THE EXPRESS’s really, really annoying USE OF BLOCK CAPS FOR SENSATIONALISM in just about every fucking bullshit headline they run.

SLAMMED AND BLASTED!

Oh, and not forgetting their rather weedy tactic of describing anyone with even the most minor of criticisms as SLAMMING this, or BLASTING that. What a load of old bollocks.

UKIP AND DONALD TRUMP BLASTED!

As if all that wasn’t enough they support UKIP – reporting every mouth-fart that Nigel ‘Mustard Pants’ Farage pollutes the atmosphere with. And they support Donald Trump – a Presidential candidate who seems more interested in convincing the American people that he doesn’t have small hands or a small dick than in actually saying anything relevant.

GERMANY SLAMMED AND BLASTED FOR BANNING SAUSAGES!

Just like the EXPRESS report concerning the full English breakfast ban – it’s just more bollocks from a poorly written, badly researched right-wing NATIONAL NEWS OUTLET that really should know better and act more responsibly, rather than pandering to its EDL and Britain First supporting readership of moronic neanderthals.