Barrier Reef bombing inspires worldwide Scunthorpe Convention

After the recent unfortunate incident involving US jets inadvertently dropping four 500lb bombs on the Great Barrier Reef, a multinational crisis meeting has been hastily convened to prevent further environmental outrage.

Under a new draft 'Scunthorpe Convention', world leaders have tacitly agreed that all future military exercises, and furthermore, actual wars, be banned from occurring anywhere nice. Sites of special scientific interest will be protected, as will historic and aesthetically agreeable cities. Just as Adolf Hitler avoided bombing Winchester during World War II, a number of places will be identified as permanently bomb-free.

Under the current proposals, world heritage sites such as the Great Barrier Reef and the Dorset Jurassic coastline will in future be protected from armed exercises or any unarmed posturing by big things that might crash.

Moderately popular holiday destinations such as Tuscany, Cleethorpes and Margate will only be available for minor skirmishes using conventional weapons limited to 'light' artillery. Conventional bombing and heavy artillery will be allowed at Blackpool, providing adequate warning be given to the local wildlife. "It may even help the frackers", suggested an MOD spokesbastard.

Ventnor, Stokes Bay and Southsea Seafront will form part of the 'brown belt' of sites permitted for thermonuclear practice. Newquay, Torremolinos and Aya Napa have all been napalmed as a pre-emptive measure.