The Love of a Grandmother

I’m dreaming. In the dream, I am back in high school. All the old feelings are there. All the masks are in place. I’m walking through the day appearing to have it all together, smiling, laughing, doing exactly what I’m supposed to do in order for the majority of people to like me and approve of me.

The dream shifts slightly.

I see my grandmother, my mom’s mom, off at some distance. I walk towards her. She sees me. No, not like that. She sees me. I feel her seeing through all the masks, all the smiles, all the pretending directly through to the terrified, insecure, sad, lonely, lost young woman inside. I feel her seeing me… and loving me. Loving, loving, loving me.

I dissolve into the sweetness of grief, held in her love.

I awake.

My grandmother as I knew her when she was alive.

In waking life, I didn’t really know my grandmother even though she was in my life for over twenty years. I’ve heard stories of her beautiful singing voice and of her force of will (especially when it came to keeping a house, a garden, and managing four children + numerous foster children).

By the time I came into her life, there wasn’t much of ‘her’ left. She had multiple severe chronic illnesses and was, in general, non-compliant with the diet/exercise requirements for managing her diseases.

I knew she loved me. I didn’t question that. However, there was very little actual connection between us. Consequently, her death had little impact on me or my life.

Now, twenty years after her passing.

Now, twenty years after her passing, I feel the wholeness and fullness of her spirit. When I am in her (non-incarnate) presence, I feel fully seen, loved, and held. There is a sweetness there, an intactness, that simply wasn’t present when she was living.

Now, she connects with me in a way that is deeply personal and deeply healing for me. She is a teacher, a guide, a healing presence in my life. She has changed tremendously from the grandmother I knew when she was alive.

What made the difference?

In brief, a significant amount of ritual work and tending took place to help her to become fully at peace and deeply well… to resolve the pain and trauma both from her own life and from the lives of her (our) ancestors. As this healing took place, my grandmother became the face of a fully well and vibrant line of wise women.

While I can relate to her as an individual, as my grandmother, through her I also am the beneficiary of the collective love, wisdom, beauty, and fortitude of all the women who walked before her. She is no longer alone; nor am I.

This depth of love and support is available for you too.

Every person on this earth has the ability to be in a direct, loving, supportive relationship with blood ancestors. To initiate (or deepen into) these relationships in your own life, I warmly invite you to join the Ancestral Lineage Healing Circle.

This healing circle offers the opportunity for ongoing tending of your blood lineages through virtual community rituals and 1:1 session work with me.

Over the course of six months, we meet monthly for a 2-hour ancestral healing ritual following the methodology developed by Dr. Daniel Foor (no previous experienced with this method required). Private 1:1 work occurs simultaneously at the level that best supports you.