Poor Tuff Fish. Dude considers position and starting hands (and he thinks medium pocket pairs are GOLD), he reads everyone tight, and his grasp on his temper and his ability to handle disappointment is that of a 7th grader. What is dude’s goal here? To get better at poker? To entertain us? We are laughing at him, not with him. Is he ok with this? Would it be unethical if I mic’ed A-penny and gave him 100$ to play? I’m moving onto the next episode.

he knows enough… enough to put someone on QQ, tell them to their face, and call all in with JJ. it’s hilarious. when he lost 5k in 1 hand the first time you could hear his soul die. the second time there was a sick happiness. he is certainly a character. he probably breaks even on the tshirt sales and the crying kids… they are obviously not fed = no cost, all profit.

i am getting RAPED in the 20 again. had like 40k. 3:1 chipleader on 2nd. have 16k now. 15 left and i’m 5th. lost 4 coin flips in a row all in. total BS AGAIN. SO FUCKING RIGGED> i’m really pissed. also lost $250 in o8 earlier… flopped nuts and all the draw nuts and got couterfeited and runner runner quaded and shit. BS. hold on, all in with JJ…. HE CALLS WITH TT!!! YES!!! yES YES YES. back to 30k. i’ll keep you updated.

son of a fuck. i make the wheel vs 2nd place, and he hits a 5 to make a 7 high straight. fucking BS. final table. he has 60k i have 30k and 3rd has 25k then 15k… hold on, i’m pushing with AT pre…. SHIT. i’m fucked. KK and AQ. SHIT SHIT SHIT. 4k now. SHIT.

Hello there you jjjjjjjerks! So how about that mark twain reading at the wedding! you guys had mark twain read at your wedding! That is pretty awesome. When I get married *hope*hope*hope*hope* I’m going read shina twain not mark twain… I’ll be like “now we will have moneypenny to read some shinia twain. and I’ll have a caged tiger to marry us! The tiger will roar out the vows then I will roar in response and then we be married! release the tiger! That will signify that I am married! Run for your lives! Cal’s married! And if you’re lucky enough to get away you will hear the words of shinia twain ring in your memory. *can’t wait* *can’t wait* *can’t wait*
In honor of newly wedded aaron o’neil and emily rumsey I’m going to post an excellent essay by mark twain and you jerks better read it. Over and out. I’ll go find that essay hope I can. Jerks! Over and out again.

How often we are moved to admit the intelligence exhibited in both the designing and the execution of some of His works. Take the fly, for instance. The planning of the fly was an application of pure intelligence, morals not being concerned. Not one of us could have planned the fly, not one of us could have constructed him; and no one would have considered it wise to try, except under an assumed name. It is believed by some that the fly was introduced to meet a long-felt want. In the course of ages, for some reason or other, there have been millions of these persons, but out of this vast multitude there has not been one who has been willing to explain what the want was. At least satisfactorily. A few have explained that there was need of a creature to remove disease-breeding garbage; but these being then asked to explain what long-felt want the disease-breeding garbage was introduced to supply, they have not been willing to undertake the contract.

There is much inconsistency concerning the fly. In all the ages he has not had a friend, there has never been a person in the earth who could have been persuaded to intervene between him and extermination; yet billions of persons have excused the Hand that made him — and this without a blush. Would they have excused a Man in the same circumstances, a man positively known to have invented the fly? On the contrary. For the credit of the race let us believe it would have been all day with that man. Would persons consider it just to reprobate in a child, with its undeveloped morals, a scandal which they would overlook in the Pope?

When we reflect that the fly was as not invented for pastime, but in the way of business; that he was not flung off in a heedless moment and with no object in view but to pass the time, but was the fruit of long and pains-taking labor and calculation, and with a definite and far-reaching, purpose in view; that his character and conduct were planned out with cold deliberation, that his career was foreseen and fore-ordered, and that there was no want which he could supply, we are hopelessly puzzled, we cannot understand the moral lapse that was able to render possible the conceiving and the consummation of this squalid and malevolent creature.

Let us try to think the unthinkable: let us try to imagine a Man of a sort willing to invent the fly; that is to say, a man destitute of feeling; a man willing to wantonly torture and harass and persecute myriads of creatures who had never done him any harm and could not if they wanted to, and — the majority of them — poor dumb things not even aware of his existence. In a word, let us try to imagine a man with so singular and so lumbering a code of morals as this: that it is fair and right to send afflictions upon the just — upon the unoffending as well as upon the offending, without discrimination.

If we can imagine such a man, that is the man that could invent the fly, and send him out on his mission and furnish him his orders: “Depart into the uttermost corners of the earth, and diligently do your appointed work. Persecute the sick child; settle upon its eyes, its face, its hands, and gnaw and pester and sting; worry and fret and madden the worn and tired mother who watches by the child, and who humbly prays for mercy and relief with the pathetic faith of the deceived and the unteachable. Settle upon the soldier’s festering wounds in field and hospital and drive him frantic while he also prays, and betweentimes curses, with none to listen but you, Fly, who get all the petting and all the protection, without even praying for it. Harry and persecute the forlorn and forsaken wretch who is perishing of the plague, and in his terror and despair praying; bite, sting, feed upon his ulcers, dabble your feet in his rotten blood, gum them thick with plague-germs — feet cunningly designed and perfected for this function ages ago in the beginning — carry this freight to a hundred tables, among the just and the unjust. the high and the low, and walk over the food and gaum it with filth and death. Visit all; allow no man peace till he get it in the grave; visit and afflict the hard-worked and unoffending horse, mule, ox, ass, pester the patient cow, and all the kindly animals that labor without fair reward here and perish without hope of it hereafter; spare no creature, wild or tame; but wheresoever you find one, make his life a misery, treat him as the innocent deserve; and so please Me and increase My glory Who made the fly.

We hear much about His patience and forbearance and long-suffering; we hear nothing about our own, which much exceeds it. We hear much about His mercy and kindness and goodness — in words — the words of His Book and of His pulpit — and the meek multitude is content with this evidence, such as it is, seeking no further; but whoso searcheth after a concreted sample of it will in time acquire fatigue. There being no instances of it. For what are gilded as mercies are not in any recorded case more than mere common justices, and due — due without thanks or compliment. To rescue without personal risk a cripple from a burning house is not a mercy, it is a mere commonplace duty; anybody would do it that could. And not by proxy, either — delegating the work but confiscating the credit for it. If men neglected “God’s poor” and “God’s stricken and helpless ones” as He does, what would become of them? The answer is to be found in those dark lands where man follows His example and turns his indifferent back upon them: they get no help at all; they cry, and plead and pray in vain, they linger and suffer, and miserably die. If you will look at the matter rationally and without prejudice, the proper place to hunt for the facts of His mercy, is not where man does the mercies and He collects the praise, but in those regions where He has the field to Himself.

It is plain that there is one moral law for heaven and another for the earth. The pulpit assures us that wherever we see suffering and sorrow which we can relieve and do not do it, we sin, heavily. There was never yet a case of suffering or sorrow which God could not relieve. Does He sin, then? If He is the Source of Morals He does — certainly nothing can be plainer than that, you will admit. Surely the Source of law cannot violate law and stand unsmirched; surely the judge upon the bench cannot forbid crime and then revel in it himself unreproached. Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has acquired at second-hand and adopted without examination, to a trained congregation which accepts them without examination, and neither the speaker nor the hearer laughs at himself. It does seem as if we ought to be humble when we are at a bench-show, and not put on airs of intellectual superiority there.

I don’t like the essay for the argument so much as the writing. things like lumbering code of morals and especially visit and afflict the hard-worked and unoffending horse, mule, ox, ass, pester the patient cow, and all the kindly animals that labor without fair reward here and perish without hope of it hereafter pester the unoffending scientist!

“There was never yet a case of suffering or sorrow which God could not relieve. Does He sin, then? If He is the Source of Morals He does — certainly nothing can be plainer than that, you will admit.” that is my favorite. sort of a combination of arguement, writing, and playing the idea of capitalization against itself ala deciding some words should have 3 L’s. i’m pretty sure dude was giggling to himSelf when He wrote that.

i believe that americans will turn on their representatives in a physical display of force in the very near future. why do i believe this? because i watch the news and they are jamming it down my throat. perhaps they have something to gain from this?

I give 28 Days Slater such a hard time because I care, because I want it to be good. And they do some things so well. That theme song. A+. Also, I kicked it on the poker tables til six in tha morning last night. Yeesh. I made the final table of the 5:00 am turbo only to get frekin 10th. I had AQ in the small blind for my first hand. A dude pushed, I pushed, the BB called. Blinds are 6K, 3K and we all have 20 some besides the blinds. The first dude had 88 and the dude who called us both had K2. Flop had two Ks (Tuff Fish!!!!!!!!) and I rivered an A just for fun. Booo booo booooooooooooooo

chip leader deep in 4 tourneys in a row. only 1 left. i’m super pissed. on 2 of the tourneys i was all in with AKs vs A5 and AJ… both times… 5 on t he river, J on the river for SUPER DUPER CAL SIZED POT. which tourney is left? the $5 one of course. fucking rigged. 5th of 15 from 194. i’m playing a mix of smart man, crazy man, smart crazy man and crazy smart man. genius poker, very few OH FUCK OOPS moments, and when they happen i can afford them, i’m just getting screwed 5 times in a row on the bubble OVER AND OVER. it makes NO sense other than the sites are rigged like a slot machine to build hope and then pee in your eyes. 28 slater better get things back on track. i was so impressed, then so confused. the writers created a huge beatiful fork in the road, and then decided to go cry in the ditch a mile backwards down the road. i’m hoping it was a set up and now he pops up like SIKE! I WASN’T CRYING IN THE DITCH! BOO YAH! JET PACK! but i bet it will be more fluff. sigh. here’s to hope though…. it’s all i got. other than the cash and a huge donger.

wow… still 5th… 1st and 2nd were still at my table with relatively the same stack… blinds 500-1000 and 2nd place open raises on the button all in for 50k with AKs and 1st place calls with 99…. AK flops the flush draw and straight draw, and overs, and misses everything. SEE yA! chip leader with 15 left to 15th place… gee… where have i seen that before?

got 5th. was in 2nd the whole final table… got fucked by same guy 3 times in a row… he caught set, caught runner runner 1 card flush, and his JJ held up against my AQs. fucking rigged. no clue why i play.

Weird night. I bolted early from work and went to the Mini Bosses concert with Steven. Motherfuckers had 3 opening acts. The first was some kid who screamed a lot over homemade beats. Awful. We skipped the second two and drank at the bar next store. Mini Bosses finally came on after midnight (this was advertised as a 9:00 show), played four songs and then the cops shut the place down at 1:00. It was a small crowd (40?) and bar time is 1:30. I don’t know what this was all about. Only good song I got to hear was Mario II. No Metroid or Punch Out. Shit.

Whazzmaster, they play in SF on Saturday. I whish I had time to type up some more thoughts but it is way late and I work in the morning and after that we are driving to Phx for the Diamond Back/Brewer game. And on Tuesday, get this, we are going to the Price is Right in LA. Full week…

cal i can’t wait til you get married and you release that tiger wearing a big frown floppy hat. can i read at your wedding? can I? wwhazz will write you an essay and i will read it. ok, ok. also wwhazz doesn’t realize it yet but added to this upcoming fun week is the Del Mar horse tracks open up on July 19, the day after the price is right. so it looks like we need to win on the price is right and then take it all to the track and gamble away. yeeeeehawwwwwww, in 2.5 hours i’m off work until next thursday, parteeeeee in parker’s pants!!!

yeah sure you can read. read your grocery list whatever whaverv eahlduuwieuwovweioaufe so wait though- i want ktk’s points immeadiately subratcted -all of them- it’s totally the “dance of joy” not “happy dance” seriously. 0 points. are you guys really going on the price is right? is htat show still on the air? how is that possible? madd will you record and get it on you tube so we can see them? also… something else… i can’t remember.