Thursday, August 29, 2013

The answer to this is really simple. I mean REALLY simple. For me it is anyway.

The short answer: Because it doesn't matter.

The long answer: My children's sexuality does not/will not change a thing. They are amazing, caring little people and they will grow up to be amazing, caring adults whether they prefer men or women. There is so much more depth to them than their sexual orientation. Right now, my older boys express (and exhibit) that they like girls, but if that is different for any of them, who cares? I don't. What I DO care about is them growing up to be caring, tolerant, accepting, kind, driven, successful people. Above all, I want them to be happy.

I was raised in a time where being gay wasn't as widely accepted as it is now. I was raised in a home, where had I been gay, it would not have been easily accepted. My parents are Christian and old fashioned when it comes to this topic. They believe it is a sin and a choice. Both of which I wholeheartedly disagree with. "Gay" doesn't rub off on you from someone else. You can't cure "gay". You can't just decide to change your natural attraction to one sex or the other.

My husband and I have been and will continue to raise our children in a way that displays there is no difference. Gay or straight we are all the same. It's not even necessary to really talk about it, just our actions and the way we treat everyone the same, regardless is enough. Not pointing out a couple that happens to be gay, for that reason, is enough. Not shielding them from gay couples and only allowing them to see straight couples, is enough. Not giving people we know or come across a label, either way, is enough. My friend Eric is my friend, not my gay friend. That couple in the store holding hands is a couple, not a gay couple. My friends Jack and Jill are a couple, not a straight couple. I think removing the labels, either way, makes a big difference. We are all people.

So, if I happen to have a gay child., my wish for them is to just be happy with who they choose to be happy with. I don't ever want them to fear rejection from my husband or I. I also wish that by then, society will be more open minded and the labels will be less prevalent. I want to see every one of them who wishes to get married, be able to marry whoever it is they choose.

I hope that rather than friends and readers who disagree with this, getting upset... that maybe it will make you think a little. Open your heart and mind a little.

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Yesterday was my Birthday (our oldest son's also) and my husband was actually HOME... Shocking. Seriously. Anyway... The weather was absolutely gorgeous so I wanted to go somewhere outside. We went to the Denison Pequotsepos Nature Center in Mystic, CT. I took some pictures of us all there, we went to get the kids ice cream at Cold Stone, then we drove to Fall River, Ma on a whim to have a picnic at Battleship Cove and watch the sunset. It was just so nice to have my family whole for a day (Yeah, just 1 day. My husband has duty today). I couldn't have asked for more :).

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I love you, but I am very disappointed that you just threw that booger I gave you away. I worked hard at getting that out for you. When I saw that you were asleep early this morning, I was quick to wake you up because sleeping is soooo boring! I'd hate for you to miss something cool! Why do you tell me to stop when I am jumping in my bedroom? Do you realize how awesome it is!? I mean, come on.. I'm 2 and I can jump up and down, actually off the ground and land, without falling! I'm a bad-ass, really. Oh and one more thing... I wait until you sit down to eat to make a poopie, because that's the one time you're not busy. I'm doing you a favor! Why do you not appreciate this!? You're such a funny Mommy. I tell you that I have "dirty balls" because it makes you giggle. You're so silly.

I better end this letter now, I need to go scream at my sister to make her cry.

Sunday, August 11, 2013

One of the things that make me happy is Farmers Markets... especially when the weather is beautiful. You know, besides my freaking adorable kids and awesome husband, of course.

We went over to the Denison Farm Market is Mystic, CT earlier this afternoon. Picked up a few things, listened to a sweet man play guitar and sing (He even knelt down and sang Johnny Cash to Declan. Sooo sweet.) and talked to nice people. It's a decent size Farmers Market and the people are fantastic! It makes me miss the South a whole lot. Days like today, when my husband is actually here with us (A rare occurrence the past couple of years), the weather is wonderful and we go to a Farmers Market or something like that... really makes me feel so happy inside.

Look at her tiny little hand holding Daddy's finger <3.

Declan was just making friends with everyone! He received tons of compliments yet again on his hat.

Listening to the music.

Singing Johnny Cash to Declan. Can I go back and take him home, PLEASE?

Friday, August 9, 2013

I'm screwing up and I know it. I need to fix it. Not like a monumental oh. em. gee. kind of screwing up, but the subtle kind that I imagine could do the most damage in the long run.

My life right now is full of things that I have no control over. My husband's work schedule is grueling, which sucks for him and it sucks for us here, we've been struggling with infertility for *looks at calender* 22 months now (I have almost zero emotional support for this) and we have a set of neighbors who are literally out to get me (Like really... making stuff up to cause problems).

But like I was saying... I'm screwing up. With all of these things that are out of my control, I am just wishing the days away. The days turn into weeks. The weeks turn into years. I have days where I really do see the beauty in my life and I thoroughly enjoy all of the little things with my children. I look at their freckles, their blue eyes, listen to their laugh... I take it all in. But then I have days, too many days, where I am just wanting the day to be over because I am so tired of being alone and taking care of the kids, the meals, the house... almost everything here... alone. I constantly think how I "can't wait" for the next 5-ish years to be over, so my husband can retire and we can live a more normal life. A life where we actually get to see him and I feel much less like a single mother. Then I realize, I am wishing away 5 years of my childrens childhood. My older boys will be teens... nearly adults. That realization is gut wrenching.

I NEED to focus on all of the beautiful things in my life. I need to slow down and enjoy each day with my children. I need to let the negative things that I can't control go and not dominate my life. This is a lot harder than it sounds and I know that, but I know I need to do it. I need to stop screwing up. My kids deserve better. *I* deserve better. I am going to make a conscious effort to allow myself to be sucked into the beautiful moments with my family. I'm going to smile. I'm going to be happy. When my children grow up, I don't want to feel like I wished the years away and missed everything. I don't want them to ever feel like they had anything less than a happy, loving mother. Their Dad is already missing so much of it, their mother, who is right here, can't miss it too.

I'm pissed at my broken body, I'm pissed at people who have nothing better to do than try to hurt others and I'm pissed at the Navy for taking my husband away from us so much, but I can't let those things overwhelm me anymore.

TBI

Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness Matters!

OrganizedChaosBlogs@gmail.com

*The two who started it all*

Hello There! My name is Sarah and I am the wife and full time Caregiver to my Disabled Veteran husband Tony. We have 6 awesome children together. After my husband's last brain injury in 2014, our life was flipped upside down and we have been rebuilding within our new normal ever since. Tony's TBI has left him fully disabled with a long list of brain injury related conditions and his 18 years of military service has left him with several more, including PTSD. Follow us on our journey, ride this roller coaster with us and maybe learn some things along the way!