The Thinking Woman Approach To A Great Sex Life

This is about Miracles.

Most people think that miracles are something extraordinary. Like the parting of the sea, or the resurrection.

This is how Google defines a miracle:

an extraordinary and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore attributed to a divine agency.

Truth is, it’s a miracle that you are even reading these lines. The probability of you being born, as a human, in this era, with the chances of coming across this article — is so small. And yet, here we are. A true miracle!

We can see the awe in every little tiny event that happens to us. It is our decision if we take things for granted or if we want to see them as miraculous.

I prefer the approach to miracles that is reflected by A Course In Miracles. According to ACIM, and rephrasing in my own words, a miracle is a shift in perception.

A simple shift in perception is all it takes to see the truth of a given situation.

A shift in perception.

We experience a situation and we have some thoughts on the matter. If our thoughts are negative, we might classify this situation as a “problem”. And we can decide to go and find a solution to the problem. Or — and this is where miracles happen — we find the shift in perception to realize that there was no problem to start with.

We believe so strongly that our thoughts equal truth. That they have a subjective, valid justification. But any person who has ever looked into this closely knows that this is utterly BS.

A shift in perception can happen in an instant. And it can feel like a miracle, indeed, when something like that happens. But it can also develop gradually, over the course of decades. And sometimes it’s the combination of both: we expose ourselves to a variety of ideas and approaches, and then one day, seemingly out-of-the-blue, KABOOM! Enlightenment. The problem has vanished.

This is how I know miracles happen.

I have experienced a few miracles in my life. Here are two of them.

An example of a sudden, unexpected miracle:

During most of my teenage years, I was quite miserable. I was lost in a sense that I had no clue why I was constantly unhappy. I even thought it was “cool”. The agony of existence…

I was probably depressed. Not in a suicidal kind-of-way, but nothing made sense to me. Nothing had any meaning. And although on the outside, I seemed relatively happy — on the inside, I was a mess.

Then, one day, in the “out-of-the-blue” kind of fashion, I decided to change that. To be happy. To make friends. To be helpful. And that was the end of “miserable me”.

It was a moment that stuck. And my new,post-resolution persona is still here, more than 20 years down the track.

An example of the gradual, slow type of miracle:

It’s the one that is still shifting ongoingly.

The miracle that is working its way and evolving me. See, around the age of 30 I already gave up on enjoying my sex life. But in the course of the last 12 years, I became someone who relishes, celebrates and wants to go deeper with every sexual experience.

Actually, sex has become my passion and mission. I want every person on the planet to rejoice in the beauty of wholesome, connecting lovemaking.

I envision a world where sex is recognized as a natural, gorgeous, heartfelt activity. No shame, guilt, embarrassment. And definitely no manipulation, misconduct or assault. I think these are all the creation of a society that sees sex as taboo.

You don’t have to see this as a miracle. It’s been an ongoing journey of transformation. But I think it is a miracle. From the first book that I came across that triggered this shift, to me heading the Women’s Sexuality Online conference last month — I mean, really. It’s the story of the ugly duckling turning into the swan. The decision to see this as miraculous is up to me. And I choose magic.

People can and do change.

Some think, that people never change. I beg to differ.

People change all the time. The transformation is sometimes gradual, and sometimes it’s a blink of an eye.

But the change that happens is not necessarily the change you would like to happen.

It can be unpredictable and non-linear.

However — if we truly want to change in one specific direction, we can.

We need a combination of effort + miracle.

What miracles do you wish for?

Sometimes, in order to transform a burning pain in your life, you only need a shift in perception.

That’s all it takes. One a-ha moment.

The shift can happen by itself, spontaneously, effortlessly. But it never hurts to look for it, too. Initiating a deep conversation with a trustworthy, wise friend might trigger it. Some quiet meditative time sometimes does the trick.

There are also more deliberate ways of shifting your perception to deal with a pain in your life. I personally really like “The Work” by Byron Katie. It’s an amazing process which you can do all by yourself, examining your thoughts and changing them to create a shift in perception.

The bottom line is, if you want something to change in your life — don’t wait for a miracle: find one.