CSI: Realtor Edition

Aside from being a hoarding therapist or a burglar, there is only one profession that allows one to enter the deepest recesses of other people’s homes with complete abandon. And, unlike the well-known hazards of the other two professions (being attacked by frenzied mammals or roaches/being sent to prison), there is little downside. That profession is Realtor.

This morning, I attended a home inspection of a house located in a trendy, upscale area of Arlington. The inspector’s van was already in the driveway. There was no place to park except at the street, behind his van. I dutifully placed a visitor’s parking pass on my car but I was aware that I was blocking the driveway, a violation not covered by the visitor’s parking permit.

Armed with nothing more than a cup of coffee, my cell phone, and my iPad, I sat as the inspector did his inspecting and the contractor took his notes.

At some point during the inspection, the contractor went outside to look at the porch. After awhile, he came back into the house and told me I’d better step outside. He said there were police surrounding the house, with guns drawn. I seriously reconsidered my parking decision. I stepped outside with my hands in the air.

The sound of a voice came booming out of a loudspeaker. The police had surrounded a house two doors down, one that had been vacant for some time. They did, indeed, have guns drawn. They did, indeed, say the following lines:

“Attention Neighbors! Stay in your homes! Do not come out! We have someone who is armed and dangerous in the immediate vicinity!” That was followed by “You must surrender now! You are surrounded! There is no escape!” For a moment, I wasn’t sure if they were talking to me, but the moment passed.

1. When police tell neighbors to stay on their homes for their protection, everyone immediately runs outside to find out what is going on.

2. When Now Husband is called and told what is happening his response is not “Are you OK?’ It is, instead, “Wow! I’m going to jump on my scooter and come over there!”

3. After the police tell people there is someone who is armed and dangerous in our immediate vicinity, they go away. They do not explain whether they have apprehended the armed and dangerous person.

After the inspection was over, I went out to my car, still concerned that with all the police crawling around, someone would have noticed that my car was parked illegally. My car was ticket-free. I guess the police can only deal with one criminal activity at a time.

Hysterical and scary both! Once when my husband was out of town on business, I had an emergency at work and had to work till nearly midnight. When I called him quite late at his hotel to let him know I was still at work so he wouldn’t worry, he offered this piece of sympathy, “But the cats will be so hungry!”

Whoa, I too was waiting for a detective to come up to you and ask where were you last night at 11 p.m. Hope they didnt’ scratch your car while they put up the yellow tape…. I think it’s high time your agency arranges hazardous pay for their agents…

I just found out it was more than one person. they broke into the house to commit a robbery. They didn’t even have guns. And one of them was hurt getting apprehended. He probably hit his head on the loudspeaker.

I think I’ve let you know this, but if not, I’m the guy on the bull horn (and then the guy on the phone with the guy in the house). You are so right. People always come out when we ask them not to. And we always get the bad guy, put him in a car and drive away, forgetting to tell people to come back out.

OMG open homes, inspections etc are all very tame here in New Zealand. We have never had anything this exciting. But as Carl says, you missed a listing opportunity by not leaving your card. And some of the other neighbours might now decide to move. More listings coming up?

We are so desensitized to these life-threatening situations because of TV and movies. I can just picture Now Husband coming over on his scooter to get a look at the tumult. So thankful it didn’t end with SUICIDE BY COP or by you being taken hostage by some smelly, drug-addicted criminal who would’ve held a gun to your head as he dragged you out of the house to a waiting helicopter and a suitcase with 5 million bucks in it. Best of all you didn’t get a ticket. We all hate those inconvenient and expensively annoying pieces of paper. I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING!

Then Husband’s family lived off a very bust street and would rush out to watch everytime there was a car crash. I guess we are wired that way. Maybe there is actually some kind of feeling that if we see what is happening we have some kind of control. Of course, if the police were yelling “Rabid pit bull on the loose with human arm in his mouth!” I’d be hiding under a bed.

Yikes! Hey, glad it wasn’t you they were looking for-no outstanding warrants or such. It is so strange that we go out to see this stuff-the same way we go out to look at the sky when the tornado sirens howl-and that we get that little feeling of guilt in such a situation.

At least they warned you. A few years ago there was a string of bank robberies in central NJ, but none were near my home. One afternoon I was washing dishes and looked out the kitchen window to see several men in bullet proof vests walking around behind my fence with large weapons drawn. I got no warning. No phone call telling me what was going on. I quickly ran upstairs and peeked out the window again which is when I saw the three capital letters on their jackets indicating that they were the good guys. I spent the rest of the afternoon hiding in/cleaning out a hall closet.

Holy crud! I’m glad you’re okay. Geesh. I would have needed a new pair of underwear after that, I think. Although one of my best friends just reminded me when I saw a bear in the woods, she wanted to run and I wanted to get a closer look. So maybe I would have hopped on my scooter… Which reminds me, I really want a scooter.

Yeah, see, that’s what people do. Then Husband thought it would be a great idea to get close to a bear on one of our camping trips. The bear had other ideas. It lunged at him. Re the scooter: You would be so cute on a scooter, rushing around bringing chipmunk joy to the world.

I was at a Zoo once when a Buffalo escaped its enclosure and started roaming around the grounds. The Zoo employees, knowing how nosy people can be, rounded up the visitors and LOCKED us in a “safe room” until the Buffalo surrendered.

Point number 3 reminded me of the times I’ve been sitting on an airplane, waiting to take off. After forty-five minutes on the ground, the pilot announces that there’s some kind of mechanical problem. Then, ten minutes later, the engines start and the plane takes off. What exactly happened with that mechanical problem?

I loved this post, especially: “When police tell neighbors to stay in their homes for their protection, everyone immediately runs outside to find out what is going on.”

There is at least one other profession where you can enter strangers’ homes. I’m a freelance journalist who does a lot of local-color profiles of philanthropists, entrepreneurs, etc… I sometimes am invited to interview folks in their homes, and then not only do I get to visit, but I have license to ask them all sorts of questions.

I’m glad the police weren’t there for you. If you were in Philadelphia, though, I bet the Parking Authority would have dealt with you severely.

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