Articles

It’s your first day of college and you’re ready for action! Are looks hurting your game with the ladies? Darken the place up and even the playing field with all new Roller Shades! Then when you ask that pretty redhead, “You wanna roll with this nightelf?” She’ll undoubtedly say yes.

2) Holidays

What better way to say season’s greetings than with your very own Darth Vader Blind set?!

Block out pesky sunlight the way only the dark side can. Be the envy of all your friends, nerds and hipsters alike! Simply buy some Roman blinds, D.I.Y spraypaint, and before you know it you too will be apart of society’s Imperial Elite.

*Emo glasses, skinny jeans, and unemployment sold separately*

3) On A Date

It’s your first time and it’s the most action you’ve gotten since carpel tunnel syndrome!

That’s right you have a date, but before you break out the Lord of the Rings DVD set, you might wanna set the mood just right with Honeycomb Shades.

Cause there’s nothing sweeter than honey, mom told you about the birds and the bees, time to put this hypothesis to the test!

4) At The Office

“What are you doing in there?!” Getting bothered by your boss again?

Being accused of looking at internet pornography when you’re just playing World of Warcraft? Put down the Mountain Dew because you’re gonna want All New 1 Inch Mini Blind designed for the Geek on a budget! Gain confidence and proudly yell to the world I have a 1 Inch Mini!

5) The Honeymoon

What better way to spend a honeymoon than with your first love, videogames?

Mario never judged you on looks, and neither will your blinds! Cause when you bask in the warm glow of Princess Toadstool you’re gonna want to focus on the pixels that matter and not the sun.

That’s why you need the essence of Wood.. Wood Blinds that is!! Never again will a spec of light fluster your casual Friday Night date with the Princess.

6) The College Mixer

Talk nerdy to her! It’s time to break out your vast knowledge of exotic cultures by showing your Bamboo Blinds! After all, she may come to your dorm room for the Dragon Ball Z but if you play your cards right she’ll stay for the bamboo!

7) Mom’s House

Who needs blinds when you live in your mom’s basement? Why you of course!

Get the feel of a realistic 3D world from the comfort of your basement with Darkening Mini Blinds! It’s almost like actually being upstairs!

8 ) At the Movies

Who needs to go thru the hassle of lines and confusion when you can watch movies from the comfort of your own home or basement!

13 dollars for a movie ticket? Pssh, you have Netflix and enough Hot Pockets to feed a small village in Africa! Just remember to shield yourself from the sun’s violent rays and you too can live long and prosper.

9) Birthday!

Spend your birthday how it was meant: In a Chucky Cheese custome!

That’s right you grew up going to Chucky Cheese to play videogames and eat pizza and now you’re going to play videogames and eat pizza.. But for minimum wage! Ah the joys of adulthood.

It gets hot in there! So protect yourself by casting a shadow over other youngsters dreams with Wood Blinds!

10) Bachelor Party

Cause every party is a Bachelor Party! That’s how you roll, so prepare for this summers get together with Summer Roller Shades! Because the only Vitamin D you’re getting this July is Sunny D.

Prada sunglasses, girl jeans, fat. Millions of fatties rejoiced yesterday when Guy Trebay of the New York Times announced the latest new fad. The sumo look. Guy has done much research regarding the matter, and maintains ‘hipsters’ are purposely gaining weight because President Obama is in shape.

“If we had a slob in the White House, all the hipsters would turn into some walking Chippendales calendar,”

That’s right stick it to the man! Sure rebelling in the 60s was about music and sex. But we’ve evolved past that, now its about Twinkies, texting, and finding ways to not get laid. It’s kind of like Woodstock, if Woodstock totally sucked.