Thoughts on everyday life and inspiring others to contribute to life in a positive way.

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Tuesday, November 12, 2013

, but

In high school,
I was involved in forensics and debate.Pretty good at it, but I don’t like it anymore because while the
arguments from both sides are interesting and well-thought out, there is
generally a winner and a loser.I’d
rather discuss, talk, converse.Mostly,
listen.Observe.

Something, for a
long time, never felt right about the word ‘but’.Couldn’t put my finger on it.

It wasn’t until
I had a very wise professor, a mentor, in one of my counseling graduate classes
explained what I intuitively knew or at least suspected: the word ‘but’ negates
everything that was previously stated in that sentence.

Hmmm . . .

Yes,
really.If you think about it, ‘but’ is
the great minimizer, the great detractor, the great put-you-in-your-place word.It smacks of insincerity.

, but . . .

How about the
following:

“I really like
what you said, but . . .”

“Great song, but
. . .”

“I really loved
your manuscript, but . . .”

“You’ve done a really
wonderful, fabulous job, but . . .”

“You’re a really
good-looking person, but . . .”

“Great
interview, but . . .”

“Great smile,
nice hair, wonderful personality, but . . .”

, but . . .

No matter what
precedes ‘but’, it is immediately diminished.It is lessened.Minimized.And in the words of my former professor,
negated.

What follows
‘but’ is generally a put-down, or at the very least a let-down, even if the
speaker or writer softens it as much as possible.Every inch of my . . . of your . . . being
prepares for the ultimate.

I suppose not
every ‘but’ can be avoided. That one great qualifier is ingrained, embedded in
our speech patterns, our writing.We use
it a lot.Notice who uses it, how it’s
used, when it’s used.

I think it is
human nature to look for any and all negatives that come our way.We become so attuned to it that we might
receive ten compliments, without the ‘but’ that when we do receive a negative
or one ‘but’, that’s all we focus on.Sad.Really sad.

Perhaps we can do
better, you and me.We can, I think, be
more aware of using that one, tiny little word.We can be more thoughtful with our use, our approach, to words.Especially that word.Something to think about . . .