Monday, July 27, 2009

This just in: Pigs Still Suck

I had to take a sick relative to the Public Medical Centre yesterday, which turned out to be a two hour ordeal, most of which was spent sitting around in the fairly large waiting room. I passed the time by scouring the crowd for hot chicks to look at, until I realized that these hot chicks were probably here to get “some kind of weird rash” checked out, so I lost myself in a copy of The Advertiser instead.

At one point I went to the reception desk to check on the waiting time, and found a distressed young girl and her mother chatting with the receptionist. It turned out the young girl had been diagnosed with swine flu and had obviously been crying after being given the diagnosis. The receptionist and mother were consoling the girl telling her it was nothing to worry about. The headline news of the day probably didn’t allay the girl’s fears; a 12 year old girl had died from the flu strain in an Adelaide hospital Saturday morning.

The whole incident reminded me that it has been a good few weeks since I first wrote about swine flu. 40 days to be exact. Which means we’re long overdue for a

Swine Flu – the disease that pretty much jumped the shark before it even took hold, and you’re all no doubt sick of hearing about it. But fuck it, Australia is playing a huge role in the infection count, so let’s take a look at the current Leader Board, and how it has changed since my last posting on Jun 17th.

Holy shit, Australia has shot up the ranks three places, even overtaking Mexico (which quite frankly is a bit of a worry). The United Kingdom has also climbed a spot, and Thailand has gone from bottom to 7th place. Spain only had an infection climb of 488 in the last 40 days, which drops them from 9th place all the way down to 16th. Meanwhile Peru now has enough infected people to make the top ten, so they must be feeling really proud. Here are the infection counts for countries 11 – 20:

Of course with any global dilemma the statistics reflect not only the rate of infection, but of the authenticity of the figures in the first place. China in particular has come under fire, with accusations that the Government is withholding information on the infection. For a country with over 1.3 billion people they are posting an infection count of only 1,852 and only one death.

Speaking of deaths: Australia has racked up quite a body count with a current tally of 48.

I still remember the first Swine Flu death, the victim was a man from the Northern Territory but he died here at an Adelaide Hospital on June 19th and it was pretty big news at the time. The South Australian Health Minister John Hill had the press release:

"We do know this man was seriously ill from a number of conditions,"

Then came the second death soon after, a 35-year-old obese and diabetic man dying in a Melbourne Hospital.

The Third came on the 26th of June:

"A 50-year-old woman suffering from life-threatening bone marrow cancer died in the Peter MacCallum Cancer Institute in Melbourne on Wednesday morning after being admitted with flu-like symptoms on Saturday."

A 71 year old woman died the day after that. In the case of this fourth death, the victim’s family requested her medical history be withheld from being released. By now, though, the more astute readers will no doubt have noticed a pattern forming, and it is one that has continued all the way up to the 42nd death on Wednesday of a 70 year old Queensland man.

What people have to realise is that the normal flu kills over half a million people a year, and if a “seriously ill” person catches the swine flu and dies, it is not really a cause for alarm. This doesn’t stop the media from rattling our cages with their constant headlines:

It’s only after further reading do you find the whole story:

The 12 year old girl dying here in Adelaide was a sad occurrence, it’s one thing for a grandparent to die, another case completely when it’s a young child. But even then the girl in question had ”serious underlying medical conditions”.

But what of the perfectly healthy people who catch swine flu? What about the people who caught it but weren’t already crippled with a pre-existing life threatening ailment? The 99.23% of the H1N1 infected who survived the virus and lived on to tell the tale?

A Russian man identified by the government as infected with the country's first case of swine flu says he feels fine. – UPI News

i have swine flu apparently i feel fine now it lasted just over a week I would say I have experienced worse with a normal flu – UK victim on Sky News

A 13-year-old boy who has the swine flu appears to be fine and rode his scooter Wednesday as he took some time off from school… - KCRA News

Christ, all these swine flu sufferers and they “feel fine”. Meanwhile, Uncle Beef had one too many reds last night and is feeling a little worse for wear. Fingers crossed, hopefully I can catch swine flu and “feel fine too”.

Those who don’t want to catch the disease can always turn to the Centre for Diseases Control for expert advice. (Warning: CDC tips may make cause you to slap your forehead in a “well duh” manner)

* Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.

* Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.

* Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.

* Influenza is thought to spread mainly person-to-person through coughing or sneezing of infected people.

* If you get sick, CDC recommends that you stay home from work or school and limit contact with others to keep from infecting them.

And of course, my personal favouite:

* Try to avoid close contact with sick people.

Thank you CDC, you fucking pioneers of the obvious. Here’s a few I wanted to add to your list, just in case: