Campaigners for a reduction in CO2 emissions have warmly welcomed an eco-minded development from Audi. Their latest model, a 3.2 tonne, 6 metre-long SUV badged ‘Q8′, features an optional magnetic front bumper, which can save up to 1% on fuel costs.

“This is yet another great innovation from our Spurious Engineering department”, demanded Wolfgang Hock, Dictator of Operations. “By designing a feature that makes this leviathan slightly more economical on paper, our customers can adopt a lofty position with a clear conscience.”

The Q8 and its larger stablemate, the Audi Arabia, both feature the new bumper. Using a 9-litre engine to quickly and efficiently speed the vehicle towards the car in front, the system automatically triggers the foglights and special headlamp flashers to show when it’s working.

“The Magnetronische ecoDrücken allows our cars to travel just millimetres from the car in front with ruthless efficiency”, insisted Hock. “The flashing lights were a late addition, but we had to fit them for safety reasons. Motorists in the UK aren’t quite ready for an Audi sitting on their arse that isn’t lit up like a Christmas tree.”
Runestone Cowboy