Raise your hand if you haven’t been able to sleep because you were too excited to hear about my BIG news. Just as I suspected, no one.

In the short time since I last posted I received some more BIG news. So where should I start? BIG little news or BIG BIG news?

Okay, BIG little news first. Since I’ve been awful at blogging here’s a brief refresher. In June, I set up my usual monthly goals. Click here for a memory jog. Welllllll it’s now August and I only completed one of those. Ha-Ha! Guess which one though! Go on, guess! Okay fine I’ll tell you. THIS ONE!

I got me a pocket full of A’s. 🙂 ::happy dance:: There is a brain in this head! In all seriousness though, I worked my tailbone off, and sprouted a couple gray hairs, but I did it. I’m so proud of myself, which I honestly say, I have not been for a looooong time.

Now onto the BIG BIG news. I don’t know if I should deliver this all at one time. I hope everyone is able to handle all this BIG news at once. So my long-term followers know that my heart and soul belong somewhere else. For all my new comers you can read about my love affair here, here, here, and here. My last internal dispute regarding this topic happened here. I was torn but ultimately I went with “no”, again. Wellllllllllllllllllll, due to some pretty awesome, fabulous, loving, best parents in the world, I’m f#($ing going to Hawaii y’all! AHHHHHHHHHHH. I know! Are you crying? Don’t worry, I did too when I found out. I have a seat assignment and everything. So I know it’s really happening and I’m not being punk’d. I can’t believe it. I’m still kind of in shock. There’s a really good chance I’m not coming back but y’all can visit me! I’ve started a countdown to annoy the shit out of everyone.

Excitement level = Chuck E Cheese as a tot level

D

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It’s really unfortunate that I have multiply personalities because they do not make decision-making very easy. A little over two months ago I wrote this. I have now found my way back to this predicament. I was looking through pictures and my heart cried a little. I decided then I wasn’t going to deprive myself of the one, crazy ridiculously expensive, thing I love so much. I have one life to live and I want to make sure I can say I did it, for the most part, without regret. Then I get to the checkout screen for the ticket and all the little minions that were telling me this was a good idea scatter. I’m left with the lone guy in the back corner saying I don’t think this is a good idea. WTF minions! I thought we were in this together! Ugh! Now I’m left in the backyard chasing my own tail round and round and round. Each time I think I’ve reached a decision my brain pulls me in the other direction. I told the bf I think I’m having such a difficult time with this because I seriously know what I should do but I don’t want to accept it. I did a list of pros and cons. That didn’t help because over the years I’ve grown and perfected the technique of justifying. I can justify anything. I sit here and look at my list and can justify each pro to each con and vice versa. It’s madness. I’m going to list all my reasons for going and for not going. PLEASE feel free to shed some sane light on my situation because right now insanity is taking over.

GOING (YAY)

Reason#1 – I am paying for it in cash! This will not hinder my debt nor with it affect the amount I’m paying towards my debt. This is money I have tucked away for a rainy day or if I need to flee the country very fast.

Reason #2 – I’m getting to the age where life is changing, aka growing up. I’m going to have more responsibilities and obligations so I don’t know when or if I would be able to go again. Timing is everything. I could very well be able to go the year after that, I just don’t know, and that’s the scary thing. What if something happens and I can’t. Then I will have missed my opportunity and I will wither away and die. Most likely not but I will have the “if only” factor.

Reason #3 – This is far enough in advance where I could save enough to be able to pay for the whole trip credit free, except when I buy my oceanfront bungalow. Kidding, kind of.

NOT GOING (BOO)

Reason #1 – I would be using all 10 days of my allotted vacation time for 2013. We ALL know how I am with my days. Not.a.good.thing

Reason #2 – I’m in debt. I would probably, and by probably I mean most likely, need to buy “things” because I have an illness. I’m not even going to kind of pretend I wouldn’t because I know me and you know me and it will happen.

Reason #3 – I’m in debt. If I am so willing to tap into my savings to buy this ticket then why wouldn’t I take that money and apply it towards my debt. Rhetorical question, I know why, because that’s not fun! This is the only piece of value I have to my name that is actually MY MONEY. Not credit, or a loan, its actual moo-la.

Now I’m sick of listing reasons and I’m discouraged. I’m huffing and puffing and don’t know what to do. These are the moments in life where I ask myself why couldn’t just be a billionaire.

May the force be with you

D

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Oh you guys, my heart hurts. I had an opportunity last week to purchase a ticket to my home away from home, Maui. I was so close. Initially, it was happening, no second thought needed. Then I chose to think like a rational human being, something I wasnt familiar with. My entire body was screaming take this chance, well, almost my entire body. My brain wasn’t playing along. My heart wanted it so bad yet my brain prevailed. I walked away from purchasing the ticket, and cried. I saw for a brief moment, all my wishes coming true, but my brain took and squished the shit out of them. I mean, I know my brain was in the right. I’m still in debt. Financially, I am not, and will not, be in any position to go on vacation. It was an amazing deal, tickets were unbelievable low, but yet, it was still money I did not have. I get it, I’m just not fully accepting of it yet. This was the real first time I’ve told myself no, and it sucked. I’ve said no to a couple of things in the past but this was the first time having said no to something I really wanted. My boyfriend can vouch, I do not take kindly to being told no. I’m still clinging to the idea that Ill be able to get there one day and that’s all I can do for now.

Happiness is the longing for repetition.

-Milan Kundera

No Ka Oi

D

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This is good news for the hard workers of the world and bad news for the people like me. Have I ever mentioned before how lazy I am? I’ve always wanted to be one of those go getter, fire starters, seek and achieve type person but I’m not. I admire the people out there who are. How do you become a hard worker? I mean besides the obvious of working hard, or is that the answer? I have friends that are extremely hard working, why can’t they rub off on me? As I sit here and write this I’m seriously struggling to recall an instance in my life where I really wanted something and got it through hard work. ::cricket noises:: My lackadaisical attitude can be seen in every facet of my life, work, my relationships, and school, when I was going. Right now there are two things I want so bad that they bring me to tears whenever I’ve had too much to drink and decide to tell my story to any listening ear. I want to be out of debt, and move to Hawaii. I don’t think I’ve mentioned those before. 😉 I think I’m working hard to achieve them. Am I working hard enough? Maybe, but probably not, because you can always work harder. Excuses and procrastination are in my blood like drive and dedication is for the worker bees of the world. I want some of what they’re having! How do I get to become one of these hard workers? Is it too late? Does the old saying of not being able to teach an old dog new tricks apply here? Who’s to say I’d even become a hard worker after I’d been “taught.” I want the easy button to life, but then I don’t. It’s a vicious cycle. Wanting something yet not wanting to work for it, who does that? Oh wait, I know, lazy people.

10 points for using lackadaisical

D

P.S. I do work hard, sometimes, but to get any where in this life it seems you have to want to work hard all the time, which I dont.

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I have enough pride to admit I’m a follower. Somewhere deep inside me, I probably posses a minuscule amount of leadership qualities, but for the most part, I just run with the herd. I’ve been reading more debt blogs and found another trending feature, goal setting. Blonde on a Budget is one of my new favorite blogs to follow. I know I briefly stated before that goals are important, blah, blah, but they really are. My original message was brilliant and much more important then I may have just lead you to believe. Trust me, I’m like yoda, but freckled.

As a good follower, I will do as I’ve been taught to do, follow. Obviously I have goals. I want to get out of debt, I want to live in Hawaii, I want to marry George Clooney, but apparently it’s good for the heart and soul to set smaller, more obtainable goals. We will call these instant gratification goals, clever eh? Seeing as it is still pretty early in the month, I figure why not give this a try, the chart thing worked out great. I will be setting monthly goals rather than weekly. I know me best, and seeing as I’m an expert at procrastination, I know I’d just be setting myself up for failure if I did weekly goals.

MY APRIL GOALS

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours 😉

Lose 10 lbs – Say what? As I said HERE, I believe, as women, were genetically altered to dislike our bodies no matter what kind of shape we’re in. I will be trying out for a sporting event later this month. I’m hoping with the help of my physical trainer, enter the boyfriend, that we’ll be able to shed these last pesky pounds.

Finish A Clash of Kings – This is the second novel to the A Song of Ice and Fire series or season 2 of Game of Thrones being shown on HBO now.

Get a Second Job – Ugh, just typing that makes me feel like giving up. I need more money, hey don’t we all sister, but I really need more money. If I’m going to reach my goal by January I somehow need to pull in additional $890 a month. I’m limited in time but plentiful in excuses. I’ve served in the past and I hate people. I’m just kidding, I love you all, I just hate serving you. 🙂 I’ll figure something out. It’s funny how rarely you see ninja assassin on Craig’s List, now THAT I could do.

Create a Squirrel Stash – I want to start squirreling away money here and there. Why, you might say? You might not have said that at all, but I’ll tell you why anyways. My family will be going on vacation next February. My parents are starting to view us children, my brother and I, as semi, not even close to being, grown adults. With this new revelation, theyre are asking us to pay for ourselves. Horse doodoo right?! Let’s start an uprising for this injustice! Small joke, I’ve been privileged to have my parents take me on plenty of all-inclusive vacations. Spoiled is the word that comes to mind. By asking us to pay, it’s the least we can do, as miniature adults, to help ease to burden of the bill. Well, my brother is sitting pretty, but I on the other hand, in my current state, cannot afford to go. ::blink, blink:: WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH. I’m hoping by squirreling away money, I might be able to afford the first leg of the trip, and find my way to the cargo hold for the second. The plan is ingenious.

I think that those should be enough for one month. I’ll be proud of myself if I complete one of them. Anyone out there betting, put it on finishing the book, and you didn’t hear it from me. Make sure when you set your goals, you make them realistic and achievable. It will give you a sense of satisfaction that you may be lacking when your debt isnt plummeting to zero as fast as you expected.

In other news, overnight, I gained my 40th follower. YAY! Don’t forget sharing is caring. If you love poor grammar, and lame excuses, spread the love and joy of reading about my life in shambles.

Happy Humpday

D

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I often find myself fantasizing about another life, which is probably why I have such a hard time with reality. Today is the perfect day for this, the weather is crummy and I have absolutely no work. So I sit and ponder, usually it starts small and ends up with me looking for apartments in Maui. All the what if’s of my life come creeping back and its fun, until it’s not. I think about all the times when I was faced with a really large decision, what if I had chosen the other option? I’m not talking about what I ate for lunch but the major game changers. What if you could do it all over again and choose the other option? Deciding whether or not to go to college, choosing the less secure of two jobs, moving somewhere you’ve always wanted but were afraid, marrying or not marrying the person no one approved of. Would it change the end result? I guess it would all have to stem from your beliefs, whether you believed in destiny or fate. I’m pretty sure there have been a handful of Hollywood movies that have beaten this horse dead but I still find it interesting. This isnt regret for me, because as I’ve said before, I try to live my life with no regrets. This is more of a game. Imagine this were a sci-fi movie where you got to see the you, you would have been if you had chosen the other option. I would be that girl totally in shock that my “other life” wasn’t fabulous. My fantasy life always has me happy and living the dream. I guess that’s why it’s a fantasy, but I think your mind can’t help sometimes but wonder, what if?

That was a lot for a Monday, I apologize.

D

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Objective, aim, ambition, purpose, target, aspiration, all these words can be used to describe one word, goal. If you’re still not convinced you have a problem or that you’re debt isn’t that serious by now then you’re a lost cause. No, not really, but you do need a reality check. You have to want something greater from life than just what is presented in front of you. For those of you who don’t know me personally, I love Hawaii, particularly Maui. I’ve been privileged enough to have traveled there several times and it holds a piece of my heart. This is the only place I’ve been to though, outside of the standard American family vacations, Disneyland, Wisconsin Dells, Washington DC, etc. So who’s to say I may not love somewhere else? I am a HUGE believer in trying everything once. After that you’re considered an expert in my book and can officially state you hate it but until then you have no just reasoning to say you dislike anything. Just my philosophy, ya don’t have to agree. So here I am filing up the WWW with my nonsense, gibberish, and ramblings. Hoping, wishing, this will all amount to something because my dream, my goal is to explore the world. I want to know I have tried everything before I settle into “forever”. This isn’t for everyone, I understand that. No two people are alike but we are alike in that we all have something that drives us. Find that calling, and remember there’s something much greater than having the latest trends or coolest gadgets. Think of something you’ve always wanted to do but never could imagine doing and reach for it. This is the one chance at life we got why not make it great?

"I'll bet a lot of you folks don't believe that, about a wish comin' true, do ya? Well, I didn't, either. Of course, I'm just a cricket singing my way from hearth to hearth, but let me tell you what made me change my mind."

Next stop Africa

D

P.S. Do not take this as me telling you to get all crazy planning trips you can’t afford and going all willy-nilly tapping into your savings. This is me telling you to stop spending so you can plan for something more than the tragedy of being seen in the same outfit twice.

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Snow ruined game night, snow made me plow my driveway first thing this morning, snow made me think of Hawaii even more than normal. So screw you snow but on the positive side snow did let me spend the morning with my mom. Snow also let me play with my dogs in the woods, just like when they were puppies and I was still somewhat physically fit. Now were all cold, can barely move, and showing our age but they were happy and so was I. So thank you snow even though I still hate you. Stay warm and if you’re already warm share the wealth.