This blog is devoted to stuff that white people like

#113 Halloween

When it comes to holidays, there are few that white people like more than Halloween. This is in spite of the fact that white people are required to spend almost the entire year preparing for it. But unlike Thanksgiving or Christmas, the preparation requires little emotional labor. Though it does require extensive physical and mental labor along with a fair amount of research thrown in for good measure.

Halloween is so important to white people because they have to wear a costume. It is a chance to literally show everyone how clever you are without having to say a word. This makes it especially important to single white people as one well thought out costume could produce enough romantic interest to last through the winter.
For this reason any white Halloween Party is less of a celebration than it is a contest. And as with any contest, there are a lot of rules.

The first thing you need to know that white people are the only people on the planet who will dress up as a concept. So while your initial thoughts about a costume might be “cowboy,” “policeman,” or “Count Dracula,” white people are more likely to think “math,” “the economy,” or “Post-Modernism.”

Dressing up as a concept is always a major gamble. On one hand, there is the chance that you nail it just right and everyone in the room will recognize how you not only cleverly interpreted the idea but also executed it perfectly in physical form. If you get it wrong, you will be required to spend the entire night explaining yourself. Then again, it is a good way to get white people to talk to you.

Things do not get any easier if you try to dress up like a character from a movie. If you show up dressed as Austin Powers or Napoleon Dynamite you will be met with near-universal scorn. You see, you need to find a character from a movie that enough people recognize but not one that’s so well known that makes it easy to find the materials required to create the costume.

That being said it’s a good idea to draw inspiration from older movies or television shows, specifically ones from the 1980s. Some popular examples are: Pee Wee Herman, the skeleton costumes from Cobra Kai, or Marty McFly. Depending on your race and gender, this could be your opportunity to become the alpha dog among your white friends.

You see, the only thing white people like more than costumes are group costumes. So if you are an asian male of any background, suggest to your white male friends that you all dress up as The Goonies. If you are a black female, offer to play the role of TOOTIE and go as the Facts of Life. Being a black male is considerably tougher, but if you are short enough the role of Webster could be right for you in an ensemble cast. Sadly, if you do not fall into one of these categories your opportunity for a group costume is limited since there are no recorded instances of white people befriending asian women, latinos, Indians, or any other race during the 1980s.

Last, but certainly not least are white people who dress up as characters from books that have not been made into movies.

These people are unlikely to be recognized as their characters, but are highly recognized as being smart. If you cannot pull off a group costume, this is your best bet. Just pick ANY author who shares your heritage, find a character who matches your age and sex and remember their name. Then show up in regular clothes.
This also allows you to make the awesome joke “Oh, you can’t tell? I’m dressed up as a Sri Lankan woman. It’s me, Matt.” (substitute race/sex as appropriate). White people will find this hilarious, unless there is another non-white person at the part making the same jokes.

You should also be prepared for the inevitability of running into a white person in an offensive costume. It is a certainty that any Halloween party will have at least one white guy dressed up as a recently (and preferably tragically) deceased or wounded celebrity. Past examples include Steve Irwin costumes with a sting ray protruding from the chest, Roy (of Sigfried and Roy) with a stuffed tiger attached to the neck, and this year you are likely to see at least one white person dressed up as Heath Ledger.

With this information, you should have no problem fitting right in at a white halloween party. But don’t try too hard at your costume, white people hate being upstaged.

Last year my white girlfriend wore red horns, a very nice dress, and the letters P-R-A-D-A above her breasts. I couldn’t for the life of me guess what her costume was. Finally, she said, “The Devil Wears Prada!” She was disappoint that I wasn’t amazed by her concept.

Ohh…. and you forgot about how the white people shun those who dress as slutty sailors, fireman, army men, cowgirl, and others. Unless it’s a clever take on the whole slutty tradition to dress as a slutty plummer, Shepard, Jesus, God, horse, or cadaver.

Dear Santa, please let those people in the photo be pranked by a black person who pretends to think they are wearing Blackface to Halloween and get really offended, thus ruining their entire night (and possibly, lives).

All or most of these concepts flew through my head in a conversation I had the other night when I finally just said “Fuck It. Mad Scientist.”

I’ll be keeping a score card for when I go out tonight and I’m willing to bet my friend’s Wilco CD collection that the top 3 will be 1) Sarah Palin 2) Heath Leger and 3) Joe The Plumber/Joe Sixpack etc. etc. etc.

You totally forgot to include the fact that it’s the only day white women can dress totally slutty and it’s accepted. Any other day of the year white people look down upon those dressed in skimpy clothes but for some reason when the 31st of October rolls around the rules all change. I have always found this to be quite an interesting phenomeon.

We’ve all forgotten the obligatory “Pimp n’ Ho'” party being held tonight in multiple locations at a college campus near you. When I was in college my friends used to be so excited about these parties. But I would ask them, “Aren’t our chances of getting laid still as low as any other night? The only difference between tonight and any other night is that there are girls dressed as ho’s who will not have sex with us as opposed to girls dressed in tank tops, jeans, and heels who will not have sex with us.” All I would get in response were blank stares.

I think if you go as a duo, it should be salt & pepper or peanut butter & jelly. Both cute ideas. I was thinking about going as condoleeza rice. I’d have to chop my hair, mess it up, throw on some orange lipstick and a boring suit…….and WAHLAH! 🙂

Yes. This is, in fact, one of the only things good about Halloween. I think, even more to the point, this is the only time of the year that the Right Kind of White Girl can dress whorish.Thank you, Halloween.

How does one go to a Halloween party and wear a provocative costume, but not be offensive? It is not possible unless everyone who might BE offended is excluded, and that any kind of camera is strictly forbidden. If those conditions are not set, the following rules are in effect: 1) White people can change their gender or species, but not their race. 2) No Nazi stuff. Period. 3) You can be a religious anything, as long as it is Christian. 4) You can be someone like Robert E. Lee or Cecil Rhodes, as long as no one realizes who you are. 5) Anything sexual goes as long as it dosen’t make gay people look like degenerates. 6) People with disabilities, particularly the retarded (like they would care!), are not fair game. Happy Harvest Festival!

There is one instance of a white person befriending a latino person in the 1980’s on TV: CHiPs!
True, it did start in the 70’s, but the show ran until 1983.
Plus, I don’t know if two dudes dressed as motorcycle cops from the 80’s counts as a “group costume”.

hahahahahahahahaha woah is it taboo to have to engage in conversation about a costume…that is the beauty of disguise…the mystery of figuring out the puzzle. I of course can see how this would be a downer for people who don’t like to exercise their mind and are insecure about their lack of intelligence or creativity. I like puzzling so concept costumes are appealing to my sense of curiosity. That doesnt make me white that makes me smart. In the same vein, I’m not smart because I’m white, I’m smart because I enjoy learning. One more thing, there’s nothing like something offensive to trigger rapid thinking processes in your brain, it connects people by getting them to talk ok maybe i should say talk aggressively instead of just glare at each other. That’s progress. Oh did I mention I’m white, just wanted to mention that since it doesn’t matter. Remember racists need to think human, and press redial. So I dressed all in green today, who can guess what I was? A tree. See that wasn’t so hard. People who dress slutty and say they are the right kind of white girl is amiss, costumes are about acting out, maybe you are slutty but not everyone knows it.

Wow, this website is still around? I thought after the great internet meme crash in the middle of the year when everyone “discovered” the site it would slide back into the muddy waters of faux humour and misguided ideas of what constitutes irony from whence it came.

Still, I give the guys two thumbs up for milking it for a few bucks along the way and good luck to ’em!

Very over rated painter….his paintings look like crappy home made 80s wallpaper, even though he was before 80s wallpaper, but because people thought they could do it, they did, which killed the reality of what a crappy painter he was…he was just unique, but now hes just a crappy painter…

I went as a Jeff Koons sculpture…I was Micheal Jackson with Bubbles, and I was completely white, with a white wig, and a fake white monkey, and Everything was outlined in gold paint, gold pants and gold gloves. It was perfect….I clearly won the contest (luckily everyone at the party had an Arts degree, and everyone knew what I was).

I thought about going as the Hanging Heart sculpture, or the Balloon Dog, but they both seemed to difficult.

Major US media are hiding their stories about the secret tapes of Michelle Obama. API and FOX News have copies now after many people were killed who helped transfer those secret tapes to decent Americans. These patriots risked their lives to bring the tapes to the American media. People were murdered, many injured only to prevent the tapes from being released to the public.

I saw those tapes. Michelle Obama is seen on those tapes. She is seen with top terrorists, kissing them and even doing more, if you know what I mean.

Believe it or not, she is also seen with Osama bin Laden!

I was able to obtain a fraction of that tape and I am publishing it here for you, my fellow American voters. Look it up here.

I demand that these tapes are released now by FOX News which always claimed to be my friends.

SPOTTED: 3 heath ledgers, one KKK member, one swing state, one partly cloudy with chance of showers, and a gay dinosaur (who looked like a unicorn, hence, had to explain himself all nite)….we saw the tragic dead celebrity, the offensive, the conceptual, and the poorly executed–stuffwhitepeoplelike, you are SO RIGHT!

no, but you are right and there were a ton of jokers (both normal style and tranny nurse) out last night

to hit the offensive ledger costume, it would have to be a normal heath ledger with disheveled hair, pale skin, and pills taped to his face – white people could heighten the concept by going as a duo with a girl dressing as a coked up and traumatized mary kate (or whichever olsen partied with him)

Hey, I’m jealous of your book deal! But I do love your site, you do make me laugh when I visit from time to time. I didn’t dress up as a book character, but I did dress up as Miss Diagnosed. (It’s an inside joke)

My fiance and I went as Apple Store employees- I was a genius and he was a specialist. I made shirts and we acted like total tools. At the party we went to, we saw a Lego Man, Indiana Jones complete with Arab man to shoot, and my favorite: a Subprime Mortgage.

Don’t forget, this is another way for us to show our heightened ability to find things at the Goodwill and similar stores. Several times this Halloween, I heard this monologue (mostly when someone was dressed as a very recognizeable character, like Laura Croft and Yuffie):

Character: Well, I saw the costumes they sell on-line, but they weren’t right, so I spent ALL year looking for my outfit. Look, they sold these gloves online for $40, but I found them at the Goodwill just yesterday! $4!

The best part of the costume is ALWAYS found at a Goodwill or similar store, and is ALWAYS found within a week of the party. Which makes you wonder what they would have done if the fortuitous item had not appeared.

Of course, based on the fact that most of the women at the parties I went to were dressed as Laura Croft, Yuffie, a hot nurse, or other similar sexy characters (as opposed to something like Hester Prynne or Hellen Keller), perhaps I was at a party with the wrong kind of white people.

This description distinctively reminded me of the costume party put on during Senior Week when I was at college. I think the white/non-white ratio at the school was about 99.9 to 0.1 percent, so you can imagine how many “concepts” there were to sift through.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’m a college student, or maybe I’m hanging around the wrong class of white people…but I’d like to add that you seem to only be talking about white men. The white women costume formula is simple “slutty _____”.

Also very popular are spins on easily recognizable figures:
Bum- but go to a specific region or country (i.e. Canada, wear long underwear, write “eh” on your cardboard sign, panhandle with a tim hortons cup instead of a can of baked beans, wear hiking boots)
Cowboy- go modern, Cowboys are no longer synonymous with leather, while the hat is crucial, put on a dickies jacket, some jeans, and any comfortabl walking shoes (if you don’t believe, watch City Slickers, but don’t focus on Curly…which is also very classy and gives you an excuse to intimidate your friends because as we all know, “Day ain’t over yet”)

There are many more, but I just wanted to get your imagination flowing

Very funny, true and funny. Being an Asian male I was approached to be Short-Round this year, going around all night long looking for “Daa-ta Jones.”
Interestingly enough I have also found that there exist large numbers of white people both male and female that like to use Halloween as an excuse to cross-dress, perhaps it’s regional (Midwest USA) but I do see a lot of male nuns (not playing characters from “Nuns on the Run”) and females who dress up as male characters, most commonly Ninja Turtles or other entities having multiple members.

Oh I forgot to add: Come on white people! I am surprised that no one has commented on what was going to be my pitch this year if I were white. The guys from the Alltel commercials. The quintessential white guy “Chad,” and your portly friend with a white-fro wig going around all night yelling “You’re still a ding-dong!” till everyone’s sick of him!

In Brazil we keep discussing how bad it is that Americans have influenced us to celebrate Halloween, a custom that had nothing to do with us till some years ago…
If you want to read about stuff a white Brazilian woman likes, it’s here: http://www.escrevalolaescreva.blogspot.com

there is no critical vantage clander. meta-white is just a mystical hermeneutic white–admirable that you go the full circle, but you always wind up back in the same place. like most youth cultural offerings, your blog is lightly entertaining, but we’d all be better off if it stopped existing.

you can write your own ticket at Vanity Fair or Rolling Stone if you wanted.

I perused a website this morning with pictures from Denver’s “hottest” parties and nothing but white people in every shot. I did see one Asian girl dancing, but she was employed by the night club where the event was being held.

I thought to myself that Lander should write a post about Halloween and lo and behold, here it is! Well played sir…

whether Obama’s grandmother died or not: don’t forget that his aunt was an illegal alien and that he tried to bring his whole Kenyan tribe illegaly into the USA. Who knows if his grandmother was not an alien, too.

Tonight I will be declared president elect. I thank all Americans who voted for me. Those who did not will regret it.
Those who did not vote for me yet shall not forget that it’s called The White House.

After my inauguration I will send that black Obama guy to his Muslim friends to Guantanamo and finish Iraq AND Iran. And I will raise taxes only on those Americans who voted against me.

Our black citizens will get the place in our society that they fit in. I promise to all Americans that I will bring back the good old times.

there is no critical vantage clander. meta-white is just a mystical hermeneutic white–admirable that you go the full circle, but you always wind up back in the same place. like most youth cultural offerings, your blog is lightly entertaining, but we’d all be better off if it stopped existing.

you can write your own ticket at Vanity Fair or Rolling Stone if you wanted.

Halloween is great for kids and some adults need to let it go.
Of course if I were to dress up I’d be the predator from Alien vs. Predator what a great costume that would be.
Great dreadlocks.http://www.culturallycool.com

obviously not the rappers. any white person worth their weight in the salt you claimed your lady dressed up as knows that it’s “Pepa” not “Pepper” seeing as white people like grammar and always being right. Seriously.

You know that is true all Halloween party for white people is a damn contest of whatever the costume is. Majority of white people are all about “I’m going to a Halloween party” or “I’m going trick or treat with my little white bother/sister.”
Plus all white people have to know where to get the perfect costume instead of putting on normal clothes or buying a ten dollar costume. Then white people only give you like one piece of some cheat ass candy they had for like two years.
Hell I’m white and I do not even like Halloween its just a stupid holiday and its no where near compare to the holidays that you get junk for free that is not candy.

lmao awsome post. This is so funny! I am a white senior in high school and I can say everything in this post is very racist but more importantly it is all very true! hmm would it still be considered racist if it is true? doesnt matter because im not offended anyway.

let’s go through this post and link it to different people in my school.

concept costume- every year this girl emily dresses up as something crazy that is impossible to guess (last year she wore earth tone colors, taped leaves to her, and told everyone she was mother nature)

movie characters- I must have seen about 20 heath ledger jokers walking around school last friday.

the article forgot to mention how white people who really dig the holiday will tie it to how the Ancient Celts worshiped and refer to it as Samhain / Samhein not Halloween and pull out a few tidbit facts like….jack o lanterns used to be carved out of potatoes or turnips…..

So white people commondeered Halloween. I thought it was only for us goth kids and morbid types. But after moving to a prestigious college town infested with rich urbanites, I’ve quickly become exposed to everything in this blog. And I’ve never felt so alienated by my own race. It hurts to be white but not.

I wanted so desperately to have something to do this Halloween with the absurdly nice weather. Here in Illinois it’s usually freezing sleet on Halloween and I always hated having to wear a heavy coat over my costume when I was a kid. Alas, I had nothing to do, nowhere to go, and no costume at all. I thought abut writing “Idaho” on a piece of paper and taping it to my shirt but didn’t do it. I also thought about making a Brak mask, as in the Cartoon Network character from the long-defunct Cartoon Planet and The Brak Show. I would wear the mask and Brak’s blue gloves and boots and a suit and go as, yes, Brak Obama. Now if I could have found someone to go with me as a cross between Zorak and Biden, I really would have been in business.

Eh, i’m white .. and .. i might say .. I don’t give a god fuckin fuck about halloween .. fuckin racist .. white people this white people that .. go suck a cock fuckin bitch, you had nothin better to do in your day then write a fuckin stupid shit like that .. bro .. you’re a dumbass

Right on the money as usual – but I must say that I disagree with one aspect of this post:

Please note that this is only for the very advanced stages of whiteness, but dressing up as a common and very popular movie character (such as Austin Powers) can actually be one of the ultimate forms of white ironic costuming. By dressing as Austin Powers (preferably in a store bought or rented costume), the advanced white shows their self-conscious and ironically aware sense of humor in lampooning the “clueless” types who would actually wear such a costume in a non-ironic sense.

This type of costume my by the ultimate “feedback” loop – one is not actually dressed as Austin Powers per se, but as a “clueless individual dressed as Austin Powers”, thus giving the wearer a sense of superiority and any their friends that are “in on it” a smarmy and smug laugh – all at the expense of the uncreative, clueless types of people who would actually be so pedestrian as to don the costume irony free.

There’s an understanding among the paler set that costumes not actually be scary . They are inured to such a betrayal of their illiterate Celtic forefathers through a childhood of store bought princess/pirate/clown/Disney character costumes, wherewith the pattern of all subsequent Halloweens is set. The early taint of Wallmart is redacted by more expensive store bought get ups or DIY snobbery; the evisceration of Halloween continues in more elaborate form. If you show up at a party with stomach turning makeup, or something otherwise intended to help you blend in with the inmates of Hell (loosed on earth but one night a year), you will get very snarky praise.
Horror movies are also a touchy subject. In order to gain white approval, they must either be “socially relevant (and from the ’70s)”, “so bad its good”, or “foreign”, excused for the purposes of irony or pretension.

Ouch! I stumbled across this blog and I have to say to a certain extent my feelings are hurt. It may be stupid and silly to celebrate a holiday simply to dress like a sexy “this” or a sexy “that,” but why write a whole blog about “stuff white people like??” I mean, I’m white. Let’s think about this a different way. What if I created a blog called “Stuff Black People Like.” I would be raked over coals with words like “racist” and “bigot.” I just will never understand how this country could have elected their first African American president, and yet we will forever draw lines between white and black equality or silliness. I live in the Virgin Islands and I have to say that I appreciate the Caribbean way of life. No one is better or worse. Everyone is equal and should serve a higher purpose than petty bickering and perhaps…writing blogs dedicated to “stuff while people like?” Food for thought.

Lewis Black made a good point about Halloweeen. He didn’t see the point of putting on a ridiculous costume if you are an adult because (paraphrasing), “I live in New York City. People put on ridiculous costumes EVERYDAY!”

Just like when its not Halloween, aren’t we just trying to grab the attention of random strangers just for a few seconds for a minor ego-boost?

Me personally, I just like seeing girls dress up in sexy outfits for Halloween. Sexy Nurse, Sexy Vampire, Sexy…whatever. 🙂

Thanks Christian! I used to see dressing up for Halloween as a form of slightly cheesy, but innocent pleasure. Now I realise that it is “fake” and “passe”. Especially so if you deviate, in your mufti, from a few stock characters and introduce anything as elitist as a character from a (I shudder at the thought) “book”!

If I cannot in future restrain the urge to dress for Halloween I will be sure to avoid discriminating against stupid illiterates by sticking to inane pop stars and people from soap operas and will avoid altogether ironic pop-cultural references. Hopefully I will, with your help Christian, be able to refrain from dressing up altogether. I may even graduate to far more meaningful pleasure seeking behaviours like smoking crack. My ultimate ambition is now to find myself lying emmaciated and homeless in newspaper soaked in my own urine having achieved the much vaunted left-liberal status of an individual who is “keepin it real!”.

For every one item on this list, I have at least one or more “blackisms” to match.
Kwanzaa???? invented 40+ years ago.
Leave it to a negroe to invent a meaningless holiday.
Just for “blacks”.
How bout that racism?

Even more funny than white people dressing up for Halloween is black people dressing up for Kwanzaa or anything else with “traditional African” garb. I’d love to give them a one-way ticket to Liberia so they can see just how glorious African society is.

It was ‘invented’ , in 1966, by a black man, for black people, exclusively.
Being the “cradle of civilization” and all, wouldn’t you think there would have been some sort of ancient, traditional African celebration they would have carried on through the ages?

OMG… I just found this blog after the book was featured on the back page of the Age Newspaper (Victoria Australia) – My old work colleague was interviewed in the article…
Anyway the punch line is… I must have been born “white” as my everlasting shame is that I went to every damn school Book Day dressed as an obscure character from my favourite book of the time – Grade 4 – Ramandu the Star’s daughter from “Prince Caspian” Grade 6 “Racheal” from The Chrysalids… Yeah, no one EVER recognised me, and I was offended by that.
By the way… I love Japan so much I went to live there… cant write in Japanese though…
And now I tell poor people what is good for them!
I teach English in an impoverished rural school, but live in the trendy tree change village 30km away where i can get decent coffee.
I must stop laughing and get back to my school reports… Or I could get on to that book I have been meaning to write.
LOL 🙂

You are right that Kwanza was invented in the 1960’s. It is not a holiday, or religious. It’s a celebration of community. It is not intended to replace Christmas. AND, not all black people celebrate it…actually, i don’t know any black people who do.

Mind you, the “traditional African” garb actually is a colonial invention. The Dutch used to recruit blacks from Africa for their Royal Dutch Indian Army, fighting their colonial wars in Indonesia. The survivors came back with batik sarongs.

Even nowadays a significant proportion of those “traditional African” textiles are made in the Netherlands.

you write these blog posts so you can aggravate some white people into replying with racist comments about black people, then having some black people repsond to that, etc, creating an endless cycle of meaningless arguing

Oh did I laugh at this post! I teach at a college and every year there is a competition amongst some of the faculty (our 99% white faculty) for the cleverest costume. The most “concept” driven costume I have seen was when a fellow professor dressed up as the center of the universe.

This blog wasn’t meant to stop people from engaging in these behaviors, the author is more or less having some politically incorrect fun (undoubtedly being a complete jerk at times). I am not white, or black, but I find many of these apply to me. In identifying with a race, people do follow the herd more than they might imagine. This is part of trying to find a niche in society, unfortunately. Some of these “things white people like” shine a negative light on the “white people”, others show brilliance. Wearing a concept costume or dressing as a characters from book is far more interesting than doing as so many people of all backgrounds I know do for Halloween: scrounge for a prepackaged costume on Oct. 31. In fact, I think it’s what makes Halloween so fun. Creativity is one of the greatest virtues, as long as one is not harming someone creatively. I have recently seen blogs like “Stuff Black People Like” and “Stuff Asian People Like”. I do wonder why people respond in a less offended manner to posts in those blogs. The whole “keeping it real” image is creepy, I hope you aren’t as racist as you just made yourself out to be.

omg you should see my boyfriend’s family and friends… its a production to say the least. news coverage over the years and crazy stunts, its out of control. only in the LA area will you see such crazy stuff. i guess they are involved in the movie industry so its that much more crazy! but yes the amount of $$$$ spent on the holiday…… out of control!

um, actually “blackface” isnt just wearing black makeup on your face (ipod shadow dudes). It refers specifically to non-blacks painting their faces black to represent a black person. You might be a little sensitive too if any of your ancestors had been slaves/ considered three fifths of a person/ or were hanged.

I haven’t dressed up for Halloween since I have been an adult. Part of the reason is because I live in Foreign country and the only white people celebrating Halloween here aren’t American. For them Halloween costumes are jeans and a t-shirt and either a fake nose attached to glasses or a rainbow afro wig for men and some variation of a slut costume for women (sexy devil, sexy angel, sexy witch, french maid, outright whore, etc.) that always involve fishnet stockings – they get drunk and take lots of pictures of themselves in staged “outrageous” poses. I know this from the facebook photos of my White South African friend. I never see children dressed up for Halloween here and no one goes trick or treating – so it is clearly not for the kids.

My last Halloween I celebrated – I was in highschool I think. I was volunteering at the kids’ party at church, I didn’t have a costume prepared in advance so I went as a bag of garbage.

Actually, there was one documented case of befriending an asian woman in Late 1980’s/Early 1990’s popular culture. Please referrence the relationship between Aya Takanashi and Tom Selleck in 1992’s “Mr. Baseball”.

This is so true. I knew a girl that was selling costumes on line to white children. She made a fortune.
And I being white and all rent a costume every year. This year my gf told me I couldn’t dress up anymore. I went to the islands instead and all the white people on the island were dressing up. The native people were like wtf is going on?

No Halloween costume will get a guy laid more than Lloyd Dobler. You must have the boombox and a tape of “In Your Eyes” on repeat. Press play, stand there with it over your head, and then take your pick.

yeah, sometimes I do the book character thing. Its a great way to seem intellectual when your really just lazy/broke. I’ve always found it helpful to have one key element to the costume that stands out as not just a normal peice of clothing… to get the questions going;)

The sluty girl costume variety sounds like what a lot of American chicks do here. When my Kiwi friend came to the States she was amazed. She thought Halloween was all about the scary costumes, she learned her lesson that first year!

I tried skipping the costume thing the past few years. One year I told people I was almost famous. Another year I told people I was a living legend. The sober people thought I was a cocky s.o.b. The drunk chicks gave me a curtesy laugh (another thing white people like). The really drunk people must have thought that I really had tried to dress up. Why else would they keep asking me, “What are you suppose to be?”.

I love Halloween! It’s my favorite — more fun and largely less expensive than Christmas, it lets the gays boys be outrageous, the virgins be nymphos, the anglosaxons express their closet pagan (we HAVE to celebrate the harvest, you just don’t understand …), and generally everybody’s inner-child have a grand old time. So “cosplay” your anime favs, Star Wars muse, or Star Trek hero. I’m happy to be a professor from Hogwarts, myself!

My white friends LOVE halloween and they start planning and talking about it around the beginning of September. They even gt a little offended when I tell them I dont’ celebrate Halloween because growing up I wasn’t allowed. So I get that incredulous look like I’m some fucking Bible beater then I get the lecture on how awesome it is. lol. I love my white friends, but I’m not about to dress up silly and parade through the streets of New York.

THis isn’t stuff that white people like, it’s stuff wannabe’s, idiots, trend followers, pseudo-educated, people that think that stores where they shop, food they buy, clothes they wear, the stupid tattoos and piercings they get, shaved heads, big fancy cars and the slew of other materialistic things make a person, it doesn’t…

BTW: getting a tattoo, shaving your head or getting pierced doesn’t make you cool, hot or popular, it just makes you stupid and gullible.

Dumbing down of white society reported by a no talent that tries to call this writing..

Maybe you’ve wandered too far left, or beyond your level of pseudo-education. I’m offering this explanation as a white person whose favourite holiday is Hallowe’en and who has been, at various times, an extensively researched Statue of Liberty (ask me what’s on her tablet) and The Spectre of Capitalism.

I don’t know what is on her tablet but the Statue of Liberty was a gift from the French “Free Masons”? I seem to remember reading that. The Torch is a symbol of the Enlightenment— Who needs god when you have a torch and a brain? I hope to start a lot of controversy with this one. OBEY GIANT

Either you have people who go with it and have fun or you got the Halloween Grinches holier than thous that will either hide in their houses or will pretend to hand out candy with a Chick Tract surprise inside.

Those tracts are hilarious (it still irritates me that people hand these out to 5 year olds, though!)

guilty as charged, again.
2008: Three’s Company. Unfortunately most of our classmates were too young to remember the show, so missed it.
2007: The mashup “Betthoven’s Fifth Golddigger”
2006: I forget what I called it, but it was another concept
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.
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2000: Anxiety Masquerading as Aggression

This blog should be renamed stuffwhiteamericanpeopleiknowlike.com as I have skimmed through most of your list and don’t get it! Don’t black people do or like the same things? Halloween is an American festivity don’t believe that all other white people in the world are out there dressing up silly! It’s just you Americans.

“If you show up dressed as Austin Powers or Napoleon Dynamite you will be met with near-universal scorn. You see, you need to find a character from a movie that enough people recognize but not one that’s so well known that makes it easy to find the materials required to create the costume.” – this is so true! Ha! You totally nailed this one.

Case in point: One Halloween we dressed up in trash bags with holes in the bottom for our legs and arms out the sides. Nobody got it: White Trash. I think it was even too obscure for our fellow white partygoers.

Gulity as charged.. I dressed at Hunter S. Thompson a few years back. No many people got it.. The following year, Steve Irwin with stingray…and this past year I contemplated a Heath Ledger Joker costume studded with pill bottles.. Didn’t do it. Gf said was too offensive with the pill bottles.

last halloween a friends of mine dressed up like a mexican complete with a sombrero, and my other friend dressed up like adolf hitler, mustache and all.
now i know why the world hates white people haha

Personally, I’d rather exploit Halloween to dress up like some whorey version of a Disney character or schoolgirl, therefore indulging the secret fantasies of all my male admirers, and guaranteeing that in the future I can get them to do things for me. If I were to dress like this all the time, they would just assume I wanted to have sex with all of them, but if I just do this on Halloween, when it’s expected, they’ll still have the memory of how hot I look but won’t feel justified to constantly hit on me afterwards. With this memory, I can manipulate their dear, sad, impressionable minds into believing that they stand half a chance of seeing me like that again if they do my bidding. That’s how it works for me anyway. I would never waste such a golden opportunity on a stupid joke about the economy.

NOW I KNOW I AM WHITE! I have gone in costumes ranging from UMA THURMAN in PULP FICTION (BTW didn’t have to tell anyone who I was) to a group costume of the ELEMENT air water fire earth and don’t forget “void” Although I must mention not to underestimate the impact of slutty on the only day of the year it is acceptable. I LOVE HALLOWEEN

Meh…Halloween is what you make of it. This recent Halloween I did something different. I cooked some yummy appetizers for my girlfriend and we watched some horror movies. She loved it.

Most of my impression of Halloween right now is that it’s a chance to do things outside of the social norm and get away with it. It’s ok for a guy to dress and act ridiculous and not be given crap for it. It’s ok for a woman to dress like a stripper and not be called some derogatory names.

I do get a kick though out of how it seems every year the women with great bodies dress up very sexy, walk into meat market clubs and bars they normally don’t, then have the audacity to complain the next day about the one or more drunken douchebags who put their hands all over them. HELLO? Would you dress up as a chicken and walk into a lion’s den?

As for guys, I see the hardcore costumers out in full force. These are the guys who spent loads on building costumes they normally wear to Comic Book Conventions and now they’re out going from bar to bar trying to win as many contests as they can…simply to rake in some cash.

I dunno. I’m glad many out there love and enjoy the holiday every year…and I even hear some children still like it and get to do some variation of trick or treat. For me I just am not into the large amount of events that overcharge you for drinks and are basically about worshipping any wannabe models who come out to act like skanks in the hopes of male attention (and free drinks).

My freshman year in college I was the Statue of Liberty, totally whored out with “USA” painted on my right buttcheek and my toga tucked into my thong. Down my arm I had also painted, “God Bless America”. I did go to ECU after all (NC)! No shame in my game…

I WANT A MILLION DOLLARS!!! Can one million RICH WHITE PEOPLE send me one dollar apiece, puh-lease????

I don’t want money from any Asians, or Blacks or Hispanics. You guys NEED your money. I only want one dollar apiece from RICH WHITE PEOPLE, who only WASTE their money on things like lame Halloween costumes.

Waste it on me instead. Thanks so much! (First person who comments “You ARE a waste.” is a rotten egg. You thought it. I know you did. Stop lying. See? I knew it.)

I’m beginning to think the trend of 2008 is the president in blackface. Ok, I get it now…we need a minority “friend” for the halloween office party, where strict workplace rules are eased and go bob apples in a barrel of (non) alcoholic cider.

Are white people “metrosexual” really? If I’m really WHITE, I’m going out as Sarah Palin in her hunting gear, with the Versace jacket and a fake pregnant belly with a baby out of her butt. Act like a “woman” until your female boss in her devil custome will curse you…with a pink slip, lawsuit and a soar end (the bruise shaped like a spork) for life.

Good job, SWPL! Halloween is alot fun to make prank calls, throw eggs on trucks, shaving cream on house windows and t.p.ing the trees in the front yard in middle of the night. Try that on your office boss for being a jerk all the time.+

Halloween 2009: The unemployed homeless beggar with a sign “will beg for candy”. I wish to replay the halloween 1994 baseball strike custome, I was in the Blue Jays (world champs) baseball uniform shirt carrying a sign “On strike”. My brother (he has long dirt-blond hair & a slight beard with goatee) wanted to go out as “Jesus Christ” to make the neighbors get surprised at the front door. But my idea of being the prophet Muhammed (short brown hair, mustache & suntanned skin) on his side would get me killed. +

You can’t be white but retarded! White people use the term “mentally challenged” before it became a bad word like 5 years ago, before that “mentally disabled” and even before is “mentally handicapped”. In the late 1980s, an autistic child was called “Rainman” and a down’s sydrome child was “Corky” by classmates teasing & taunting (insert name here) people. Can we have costumes of people who are famous “retards”? No wait, that is soooo offensive. +

Last month on Oprah, a segment about the return of the “skin bleach cremes” in wealthy famous black women. I guess black people wanna be white again, skin bleaching was common for African-Americans until the civil rights era. It came to symbolize shame & unacceptable for people with dark skin, unless they use the creme to make their faces “white” enough to gain acceptance by white people. Meanwhile on other news, more white women want to have brown skin, they “bronze” up in suntanning salons. +

Kwanzaa wasn’t a knock-off of (C)Hanukah either, like the 7-day or night candle also used for Kwanzaa (not a tree-shaped menorah). Some ignorant idiots think Chanukah is to compete with Christmas either, but not really. One may think the giftgiving on christmas day came from the 8 nights of gifts (every night) for children celebrating Chanukah.+

That’s it, I am going as an iPod ad for Halloween! It is my goal to be as white as possible for this holiday! I am planning now! I write for http://StuffRichPeopleLove.com and halloween isn’t such a big deal for rich people. Too bad, they could afford some kick-ass costumes!

Hello everybody, I am the asshole using enigmas name to type ignorant nonsense. I know I am a dumbass, but I can’t help myself. If you happen to see enigmas name talking garbage, just disregard it. I am a dumbass, needle dick bitch with no life using other peoples name in vain. I apologize to all.

We had a Halloween potluck at work and all the white women brought Halloween decorated cakes and I was the only one to bring a hot dish! They were competing you see, for the best decorated cakes. We had to order in more hot foods from the deli! Hmmm.

Wow, can’t argue with any of the white people stereotypes here, so true, so true…

Have never been a concept myself, but pulled off a group Charlie’s Angels effort many years back (with an Asian friend who was Lucy Liu, of course). It was a pretty lame attempt, but hey it was a group, I felt safe.

While at high school & college in the states, Halloween was a chance for girls to look as scandalous as possible (tiny bunny and cat outfits). In the UK, though they lack the trick-or-treating customs, they are more entertaining with costume ideas. I was just chatting with a guy tonight whose male friends are dressing up as Disney princesses – looking forward to that!

I should go out as Earl from the hit TV show (yet was cancelled) :”My name is Earl”. He’s a type of white people we don’t get to see on primetime TV very much, a redneck who lives in a motel, talks about not going to church and dresses in a manner to symbolize his class upbringing.

Keep an eye out on the endless spam of “Myfuncards” links and “Halloween e-cards” from unknown anons with names in all consonants, there can be embedded viruses in them to hack in and destroy your computer. Halloween is known for pranks, but in the 21st century the pranksters are going online and it’s something for us to think about.

…and did I mention his ’73 El Camino to drive his 2 sons he isn’t sure to biologically fathered? LoL, the kind of whites or southerners not associated with big wealth or corruption in the US government. Sorry Newt and Dubya, you’re not one of “us”. xD

As much as a white guy I am, border line red neck, this is one holiday I dont dabble in. Mostly because for Halloween, I like to just have a nice dinner and watch scary movies with the woman I adore. And I must say though, this blog is one of the funniest that i have come around to, I will be sharing it with the rest of my white friends. We might even do another white move and turn it into a competition to see who is the whitest of our group of white guys.

Anyone got the clip of the Australian TV blackface incident from over 2 weeks ago? The Jackson Jive of four whites in blackface are backup dancers for a “white” Michael, and the American panel judge gave them a “zero” insisting the act is wrong and racist, esp. it won’t “fly” in America. I heard European, Canadian and South African TV codes forbid any “racially inflammatory” images and negative ethnic stereotypes, even as a comedical skit, to be aired on TV. However, the US doesn’t have laws (the FCC will simply fine you if anyone complains) and Australia doesn’t restrict this either. Since when blackface is once again “acceptable” entertainment?

A statement from the crew that did it: “Out of the six of us, only one is Anglo-Celtic Australian. I’m Sri Lankan-Australian, there’s an Indian Australian, a Greek Australian, an Irish-Italian Australian and a Lebanese Australian. We’re all Australian.”

That last line is so true. I once went to a 1920’s party, and some white people got upset because I wore an authentic 90 year-old flapper beaded gown, and had my hair and make-up professionally done to match the era. These people were saying behind my back that “I went too far” or “got too much into it.” Still, I had the most fun and looked the best. 🙂

My name is Thomas Briollet. I must admit I am homosexual. The only woman I fantasize about sexually is my mother. She is so fucking sexy. I dream of bending her over and pounding her pussy in front of our gay French relatives. Then I will come on her face and she will lick it off and say “Oh Thomas,you are just like your father who beat the shit out of you and me and was a pathetic alcoholic, and now you just work for some stupid French wine distribution company because you are too stupid to see beyond cliches about French people!” The best thing the French have is the Eiffel Tower, but it is completely useless, like me Thomas. It is just an ugly heap of metal that serves no purpose. Big deal.

I think the French people are so great, but the French have done fucking nothing for the world. If French is so great, why does the whole world speak English? I hate English speakers, but it was the Americans who saved the French from the Germans during World War 2. I am a typical worthless French guy. I need to wax down my extremely thick eyebrows because they take up half my face. I live in China because I think I can be hedonistic and an international playboy, but only the trash of the world lives in Beijing because it is a shitty communist hole. The Chinese would kill someone to move out of Beijing. I moved here to make money to send to my pathetic French family who can’t find jobs to support themselves, because they live in a ghetto called Reims. I thought in China I would be an important white man, but really the Chinese wish I would leave their country, and stop sleeping with many prostitutes and sluts in their country both Asian and white. Take my laowai trash out, and also my horrible French wine.

I grew up in a housing project because my father was too busy beating me up and drinking because he was an unemployed alcoholic and he never loved me. But I still am playboy like he is. He fucked lots of women and had lots of ugly offspring like me. My father used to beat me up because I deserved it for being a shtihead bastard, and asshole. So I fantasized about fucking my mother like he did. Now I dominate women because I am scared of being controlled and powerless. I like to beat them up and be an S&m Master because I’m scared of being weak and beaten up like when my papa used to hit me. I like only sexy innocent white girls who are models and who are stupid enough to be submissive to me. They make me feel important and strong, but I am boring and an ugly French cliche.

I am secretly gay, but I never told my papa cause he would hit me hard and make my ass bleed. I like partying partying and drinking and dancing because I am so original! I am such a party animal! Too bad I am getting fatter and uglier as I grow older. Too bad I have a small small penis and I will never satisfy a woman; and they are faking their orgasms by going ah ah ah. But many sexy girls make me feel important. I am scared of being alone so I must be surrounded by lots of friends and distractions because in my retard brain I know that my papa hated me and he abandoned me. Sincerely, Thomas Briollet.

you forgot to mention how much white girls like to dress in as little as possible on halloween. A friend of mine went to a bar once for halloween; i was a bumble bee and she was a rockstar. We easily had on double the fabric on of every other girl in the bar. i think holloween should be named “national white girl killing feminism day”

I agree that it’s bizarre how much adults are into Halloween. Moving past its pagan history as a horrid sacrificial/evil holiday celebrating demonic forces, it got quite watered down into the dream holiday of many children- their chance to run around the neighborhood until the middle of the night, free, banging on doors and being rewarded with handfuls of candy, cash and toys. We used to dress in different costumes and go around again two and sometimes even three times, when we could get away with it. I think as kids grow up, they have so much trouble dealing with the fact that they have to eventually give up on “real” Halloween, that now the adults keep trying to maintain that vibe, but it really isn’t the same at all.

Your observations of white people enjoying the holiday of Halloween are eerily accurate. For the past four or five halloweens, my friends dress up and go trick or treating, even though we are all in our twenties. The statement about funny and ironic costumes immediately hit the nail on the head, as I have dressed as Jesus the past few halloweens. I must admit, however, that having someone come out of their house at night with a flashlight and realize that they are being t.p.’d by a guy dressed in a messiah outfit is a hilarious concept. Nothing beats the atmosphere of halloween, e.g., the amazing weather, trading your candy with your friends from your trick or treating adventure, the new Simpsons’ Treehouse of Horror episode every halloween, and of course, defiling someone’s house.

Lmfaoooooo. Okay so you are very accurate. And Emily is correct, I being a white girl, do tend to dress in as little as possible on halloween, only because my parents let me get away with it for one night but I wouldn’t call myself a white girl killing feminism. I’m almost 18, last halloween I was a slutty prisoner (wearing a short prisoner dress complete with handcuffs and thigh-high fishnets and stileto heels), and my boyfriend was a cop. The year before that I was a dead emo hooker (short shirt and short tight shirt going all out with slit wrists and the fishnets w. hooker heels), and the year before that I was a devil whore (mini skirt, belly top and again with the heels). Halloween is my favorite holiday, even when I was little it beat christmas. Who doesn’t love free candy, and dressing up as random shit? 🙂

Though I am part white, I do not really relate to white people culture. HAHAHAHAHA. Having said that, I will say in Hawai’i we did try and go into the white (known to us as haole) people neighborhoods since they tended to give us good candy/booty. I know local people there are getting more into the Halloween thing since they like any and all reasons to celebrate/party/dress up/be freaky, etc.
My family being very poor, I basically was a pirate every year. Wearing a newspaper hat, my normal puka (worn) play clothes, with a stick in my rope belt for a sword.
In college I basically was a rugby player since that was easy and I was not very interested in anything except partying. (This was before I joined a particularly socially conservative religion.hahaha.)
My best friend tho played out this white people thing to the hilt. Our freshman year she was a tampon. My sophomore year she was a pumpkin- with a hollowed out pumpkin on her head and the smaller ones hooked together to amke a pumpkin bra. Our jr year she was afterbirth- with a clear raincoat splattered with tapioca and various colored strings for veins, etc. Our senior year she was in Italy and I was in New Zealand. Where I did not celebrate Halloween.

As a parent now, I do have my child participate in dressing up. She goes to a gifted school where the kids do conceptual costumes. But she prefers characters she relates to such as Professor McGonigal, Princess Leah, etc. I have tried to support her by occassionally venturing outside the only costume in my closet (rugby uniforms) by Some being the husband of a dead bride (played by my daughter), or old Jennifer Lopez (white powdered wig, tight old lady dress with a pillow in the butt),. I have always been very churchladyish tho towards the harlot costumes. (We all know what those are.) Since I don’t like my kidding seeing anything related to fleshpots. Hahahaha.

I think Halloween is a great opportunity for people to play with alternate identities. Especially in subcultures where there is a lot of pressure to conform to a particular look. (i.e. Molly Mormon, Peter Priesthood- tho perhaps that is a costumne too. And not one that irritates nor annoys me.)

I always thought it was women dress as slutty as possible , and men dress in something funny, perverted, a combination of both… or no costume at all. lol at least thats the most common theme I see every year. lol not saying that those other costumes don’t happen, just i see it a lot less. lol

I have to admit, I’m black, but Halloween happens to be my FAVORITE holiday! Yikes, maybe my not-so-melanin-challenged friends are starting to rub off on me. But I don’t care, damnit, at least not when it comes to Halloween.

Only thing I’d add, is that you also can’t have an original costume that’s TOO good. It can’t be well crafted AND well thought out UNLESS you are an artist OR make costumes for money. Do that and you’ll get hated on for being smug or showing off with as much intensity as folks look down their noses at the person with the totally superficial, over-the-top costume that they just paid big cash for at the store.

You forgot to mention white people (women to be specific) like dress as “sexy” (or “slutty” or “hookerish”) as they can and still technically be in a “costume” and walk around town showing off their assets.

It’s acceptable in white society for 1 or 2 nights a year (depending which night a bar throws a Halloween bash) to show as much skin as you can, provided your still dressed as a character or theme.

That is why costume stores and online shops have just as many “sexy” versions of just about every costume they offer, including the “sexier” versions of specific costumes already deemed “sexy” in their original form.

Yes, true! As a kid, it was about getting away with being a simple hobo, or cat, just so I could haul home pillowcases and grocery bags full of candy that would last until Easter. In high school and college, it was about being unique, funny…heck anything that put me at the top of the heap, front of the line, or at least earned a free drink for being clever. I used to stress and plan and collect for months… All the while thinking— ooohhhh!! nobody has thought of this yet!! They will all just think I am so cool!! One year I was the Mona Lisa…frame and all. Another, me and a friend were a huge caterpillar. That won first prize and expectations of something even more spectacular for the next year. We embarked on our nostalgia period….Cap’n Crunch, The California Raisins, The Wendys girl, The Slim Jim guy, Mr.Peanut. Then all of a sudden, sexy was expected. I became I Dream of Jeannie and got so much attention just because it was cute and sexy…not clever! Next year it was the sexy pirate, straight out of a catalog.
Hot, but hardly unique.
Ehhh! I’m over it!
Ready to make Halloween about kids and candy again..
And for lazy white hallo-weenies like me, who want to be clever and fun, but don’t have any ambition left.
So I was at a harvest festival last month and stumbled upon this:

Haha!! You put your arms up (like you’re hugging yourself) and that forms the skull.
Perfect for my boyfriend.
Turns out they make all sorts of creatures…( I liked the tiger….I bought two and made the second one into a sexy little skirt and tail) and get this! The inventor is the bass player for the band Journey.
I say hooray for the little white guy with the big idea!
And hooray for me. I am going to be cool AND clever AND unique AND cute AND sexy!!

I thought this site was great until I saw this post…
I find this demeaning, not to the crackers but to the actual meaning of the holiday itself. I wonder if this guy knows what the actual meaning of Samhain?!?

White people, well all people, also enjoy http://www.NakedHipster.com. Mainly because the girls are hot and don’t have clothes on. Usually those two things go well together. You know, the hotness and the nakedness.

I will Judo slap the candy out your bag and the mask off your face with merely the might of my ghastly uncircumcised penis which will leave you gasping desperately for the night air. Whaapp! (Better chew a Mentos)

Jason…
Shut the FUCK THE HELL UP YOU STUPID FUCK, IF YOU DO NOT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT ESTRADA SPIC and Italian, YOU DUMB FUCK ASSHOLE.
Damn, you are one stupid ass MOTHERFUCKER, like me, a blackie. Or am I Mexican you ASS WIPE SHITHEAD?

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though
you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on
just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something
enlightening to read?