tbt on tuesday ^^
Part 1:
That's me in September 1984 at my first day of school. As you can see I've never been a slim girl. My mother was slim even she didn't eat very healthy. My father didn't give a damn on healthy food. And I - I had to eat what they brought on the table. No discussion. No too small servings to avoid being hungry after half an hour. So my journey of getting fat started around this time. No breakfast but bread with butter and fat salami, ham or cheese and money extra for pretzel (or 2...) and apple or orange juice for school. No water. Coming home I got a full warm meal for lunch. In the afternoon, typical German 🙄, tea and cake...cheesecake, applepie, cake with fat cream...Croissants...only 2 or 3 hours later dinner: full fat high carb dinner - of course, to avoid my father from starving *cough* 😶. Aaaand...dessert! Where's the dessert??? Ice cream, pudding, cake, chocolate - there'd been always a full board of sweets. And sports? Ehm...No?! There's a phrase in German "Sport ist Mord" which means "sports is murder" (maybe you have a similar phrase over there?) and so I wouldn't put my young life at any risk ^^. On the other hand I loved being outside running or cycling...
Okay when I re-read I'm wondering that I haven't been a German variant of orca "Free Willy" 🐳
But until 15 / 16 I was plump but not really fat. Then I began to revolt like good teenagers do, had my first love, my first broken heart and a very hard and bad experience (which caused also a PTSD) and I discovered food as satisfaction. It always helped me out. Then my mother was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and several metastasis everywhere...that was in 1995, I was 17 years old, still recovering from a knee surgery, failed at school and my life seems to be senseless...#schoolstarter#1984#6yearsold#memories#fatjourney

So.. I’m having a pretty bad today today.. i don’t know what’s going on in my head.. but my dad has finally agreed to buy me a cot to sleep on so I’m atleast off the floor because it’s finally really bothering him that im sleeping on the floor with the bed bugs.. but he’s decided that my comforter that I’ve had since I was 13 is now garbage and it’s not siting in a garbage back by the garbage.. and I fucking HATE how badly I’m hurting over this because my stupid brain gets attached to inanimate objects and this blanket holds SO much sentimental value to me that I couldn’t stop myself from breaking down multiple times today over it and I fucking HATE myself cause it’s just a fucking piece of material and my BPD is making me make an ass out of myself and get upset over it.. I hate myself for being so pathetic.. but it’s all I have left of my childhood and I have so many memories with it.. and now it’s gone like everything else.. it hurts so bad..
So I’m bringing my guitar everywhere I go to hopefully write my feelings down instead of relapsing..
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.#emo#emoboy#emohair#scene#sceneboy#scenehair#alternative#edgy#boy#music#song#writing#creative#original#guitar#childhood#memories#sad#depression#sentimental#instagood#instamood#instagram#instalike#instafollow#instadaily#daily#follow#followtrain#followforfollowback

We have literally Seen the most incredible views on our rides between hotels. I wish we could stop every time to take photos. But the sights are magical!!! Will never forget these amazing sites. #holiday#views#riding#incredibile#memories