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The End To A Dream?

FRIDAY, MAY 31, 2013

What to do, what to do.

This year, something has been living in the back of my mind. This "something" totally set up shop and is camping out, without any intention of moving. I guess not until I confront it, and make some sort of decision or gameplan.

Besides Rant Sports, and a few other one-day jobs, I had no intention to seek out new work this month. With all the traveling I have been doing over the course of 2013, I just wanted to stay put, and not have to schedule anything. For almost 10 years, I've been used to having 4-5 gigs/part-time jobs. I wasn't working more hours than a regular, full-time job, but the capricious scheduling took a bit of a strong mind to handle it all. I always joked that I could never tell you what day of the week it is, which is due to the random program, so perhaps my mind could have been a little stronger. But I tell you what: you give me a list of things to be completed in a certain amount of time, and I will manage the shit out of it! The reason I accepted this sort of lifestyle was because of the big picture; the passion to obtain the ultimate goal.

I am very fortunate, at this point, to be in a position where I only need to perform a couple jobs, and both are within the industry in which I am striving to call home. I am also aware that it is a very nice luxury to be able to say to myself, "I'm not going to seek additional work in May."
When the auto show season started, I figured that I would be back to bartending or serving, once it concluded. Gotta tell ya, I am happy to be doing my own thing at 1am, instead of giving another drink to some guy, who thinks my name is, "Haybaybay." I'm in a good place (as far as work goes), and I can only pray that it stays this way.

With the downtime on my plate this month, I began to really think about this little "something." A couple years ago, I wrote a blog about writing, and within the entry I made a reference to throwing in the towel, once I hit 30. Well, 30 arrived on January 13th, and I have a decision to make. This is the "something" that I must begin to figure out. Should I continue to try to find a career in media entertainment?

One thing about this hosting endeavor that I am pursuing, or anyone who is striving in entertainment (actor, comedian, model, etc.), is that it's TOUGH. It's tough on the soul. I know that probably sounds so dumb, especially if you are a blue-collar worker, busting your ass on some pipeline, on the side of the highway, on a 90-degree day. With "normal" careers, you go to school, you get your degree, and you submit your resume. Of course there's more to it, but those are the basic steps.
With these entertainment jobs, there's no step-by-step process that you take to land a career. You audition, you kiss ass, you hope, you know someone, you blow someone, you change your look, you take classes with so-and-so, you buy marketing materials, you submit to agencies, I can keep listing a million small things that people do, which is all just a game of crapshoot. Push come to shove, there's no guarantee, even if you have all the qualifications.

So, you have to keep pushing yourself. You get rejected for the dumbest reasons-- there's 100's of people trying to do the same thing, so with so many options, casting people have the liberty to REALLY narrow it down to the specifics. I'm sure someone out there didn't get a job, due to nostril size. You have to keep getting out there; taking a low-paying (or no-paying) gig in place of real work because it will add to experience, or connect you with a solid contact. Work 4-5 random gigs that all offer flexibility, because you never know when an opportunity will arise, where you have to be READY TO GO. I'm sorry I keep going on with this, my fingers are typing away. What I'm trying to nail down, is that an expected part of the business plan is to KEEP GOING, despite no result. The best piece of advice I heard, was from an actor of a play, that I saw when I was 19 (I wish I knew his name): he said, "Don't have a Plan B. If you do, you WILL fall back on it."

So true. Because if you have the safety option, that grass will be a lot greener than the bullshit-stained turf on this side.

Since I am indeed working at this point, it's not like I'm just going to drop trout and peace out. I'm definitely not near a "career" status, but I have a nice thing going (for now). What I have decided to do, is to not seek out new work, after this year. I am going to continue to work my existing jobs for as long as I can, and if any additional opportunities just happen to pop up, via references of my existing contacts, I will take advantage of them. I may submit to a few talent agencies this summer (I've freelanced since 2007), just to see if that will step up the game for me, as kind of a "last hurrah."

I get it, I'm supposed to keep going. And I have. For a long time. How do I figure out if I simply need to keep on trucking, or admit that I simply do not have the talent? Which is it? Because the way this industry is structured, I can't really know for sure. If I have what it takes, perhaps I should still keep reaching for television, but upon my reflection, I have come to realize something that may be a huge inhibitor to it all.

But this realization is a new blog entry in itself, so I must stop right here.
And NO: I have never blown anyone for a job. Ha!