Friday, 1 April 2016

Welcome to Womanhood: Chipo Biti

Chipo Biti

The day I got my first period, I thought I was
dying. My family and I were on holiday at the time. It was early in the morning
and I’d woken up with a strange tummy ache. When I went to the bathroom and
found dark red spots on my underwear, my heart sank.

“I’m dying.”

Some strange fear and shyness prevented me from
telling my mother what was going on. I didn’t know what was going on. The word
“period” did cross my mind but this couldn’t be it, I’d thought. I was
expecting something else – I’ll spare you the details.

I spent the next couple of days bathing multiple
times – fortunately, the flow was minimal so there was no damage done. When the
bleeding ceased, I sighed with relief. I thought my life had been spared
miraculously.

The next month, there was no pain. Just a weird
sensation in my belly. I thought I could ignore it. Until a teacher pulled me
aside at school and told me there was a big stain on the back of my dress. I
turned and saw the huge, red mark and I burst into tears.

She calmed me down, wrapped a jersey around my
waist and gave me a pad.

From that day, though, I treated my period like
it was something to be ashamed of. Whenever I needed pads, I’d go to my mom and
whisper “Mama, I need pads.”

When I started buying them by myself, I’d buy a
heap of other stuff so I could hide my pads. And when the person at the till
swiped them, I’d look away.

That carried on for a couple of years until I
stopped to question why I was so embarrassed. Menstruation is a normal process
for a female. Why am I acting like I’m cursed?

Why am I acting like I’m an abomination of some
sort?

Why am I ashamed?

From then to this day, I walk into the
supermarket boldly and buy my gear with no shame. I’ll make eye contact with
anyone that glares at me.

Something changed from that day on as well. I
learned to stop walking around like I owed everyone an apology. My early
teenage years consisted of me walking around ready to take the blame for
anything and everything, and doing anything to please those around me.

I preferred to be the quiet kid who did her work
and interfered with no one’s business. I rarely spoke up. Shyness was an
understatement. I was scared to try out new things too. I feared taking leaps
of faith. If there was a school play, I’d apply to play a role the equivalent
of a tree because I feared being rejected if I tried out the bigger roles.

I rarely partook in class discussions in fear of
ending up in a debate. I hated speaking. I hated myself, to be honest. I was
unhappy with my appearance.

But on that day I decided to stop being ashamed
of my period, I also opened myself up to being open to being…me. Well, learning
to embrace who I was – as young as I was.

I made friends. I explored my creativity. I
learned to use my voice.

It didn’t happen instantly. But that’s when it
started. That day, I realized that I could no longer afford to act like a
child. I couldn’t let myself be walked over. I couldn’t let anyone (besides my
parents since I was still a minor, hehe) make decisions for me. I had to use my
voice.

I had to embrace myself.

I had to accept that I was no longer a girl. Not
a small one or a big one.

I’d become a woman and it was time for me to
accept it, embrace it and rock the hell out of it.

It’s been several years since that day.

And though I’ve had a couple downers, I’m still
moving, still embracing, and still slaying the hell out of this life. Well,
getting there.

Hehe.

But it’s all good nonetheless. I’m a woman.

Unapologetic.

Unashamed.

I am.

Chipo Biti is a writer, blogger and speaker. Her
main blog is mindmymind.wordpress.com where she pours out many things that go
on in her mind. Chipo has a love for helping people and seeing them reach their
goals. You can find her on Twitter: @FayBiti.