Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Do I say hello?

I'm the shy outgoing prominent member of the community who hates to deal with people.

Example: I run the rec soccer program for my town, which includes the whole registration and marketing process of sending out emails, making a few hundred phone calls, coaching at least one team of kids; all of which I'm pretty happy to do, and parts of which (the coaching) I really enjoy.

But you know what? I can't stand to go to one of my kids practices when I'm not the coach. Just can't bring myself to hob-nob with the parents. In fact, I suffer minor anxiety attacks (which I've learned to recognize, categorize, and ignore) as I pull up. I'm happy to sit in my car, as I am now, and do anything else, such as type a blog post.

Don't get me wrong. I know most of the people in town and their kids. I like watching the kids grow and mature. I can and do have some genuinely great "great to see you" conversations with the parents. I'll stop and chat when I bump into someone at the grocery store. I enjoy waving at neighbors and friends as we pass each other on the road, which happens any time I go out.

But given the opportunity, I'd just as soon not bump into someone. It takes me out of my comfort zone and often puts me into a mostly-true happy face, smiling conversation mode. It's easier to avoid than engage. It's easier to wonder than to find common ground. I need, I guess I've convinced myself, an excuse to engage. I'm 'from away,' as they say up here in Maine, and that's an easy excuse to not engage.

So maybe you'll see me around; maybe you won't. I can't commit either way.