Couples with or without children similarly happy

Study: Results even as most choose family makeup

While previous, smaller studies said couples with no kids at home are happier than those with kids at home, a new, larger study says they register about the same on the happiness scale.

The "Evaluative and Hedonic Wellbeing Among Those With and Without Children at Home" study included 1.77 million Americans in the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index from 2008 to 2012 and 1.07 million people from the Gallup World Poll from 2006 to 2012. Most were ages 34 to 46.

However, the study has a big asterisk: "People with kids tend to have characteristics that have proven to make you happier to begin with, such as being married, more religious, healthier, better-educated and with higher incomes," said study co-author Arthur Stone, professor emeritus at Stony Brook University in New York.

Now that most people choose whether to have children, the happiness playing field is leveled, Stone explained. "If parents choose to be parents and nonparents choose to not have kids, there's no reason for one to be worse off than the other," said Stone.

Parenting was a choice made by Meredith Crosby, a community affairs director, and her husband Brian, a salesman. Their first child, Noah, was born in 2013.

"We're happier with Noah, but just having him had prompted us to make changes that make life easier, like moving to Minnesota to be closer to our families," said Crosby. "And having Noah gave us more of a purpose in life, which in itself makes us happier."

On the other hand, being "childless by choice" means author Kambri Crews ("Burn Down the Ground: A Memoir") and her husband, comedian Christian Finnegan, are happier, she said, because they are free of obligations that children bring.

"My husband's career requires travel all over the world, and I'm able to go with him," said Crews, of New York. "If we had kids, we wouldn't be able to do that."

Having nieces and being a mentor to an 11-year-old girl help her strike a happy balance, said Crews. "I get some of the rewards of having children without having full-time responsibility," she said.

While having kids underfoot does not make couples more or less happy overall, the study added that parents have more "positive and negative hedonics." In other words, said Stone, our older relatives are right when they warn us that kids "bring higher highs and lower lows."

"Being a parent is so much more joyful," said Crosby. "On the other hand, it also is so, so much scarier. I can't watch 'Law and Order' anymore, because it makes me think of all the horrible things that could happen."

"Understandable," said Crews. "To know that your child is being bullied or trying drugs or the other things kids do — I can't imagine how hard it is. That's part of the reason we chose to not have kids."

The sentiments of Americans echo in other English-speaking countries, said the study. In non-English-speaking countries, the results are less consistent. But the "higher highs and lower lows" rule is worldwide.

Comparing the happiness quotient among countries is difficult, though, said Stone, because of different cultural expectations about having children.

As countries get richer, children "move from being productive assets to financial burdens," the study explained. No longer are children always needed to help on the family farm or expected to care for their parents when they are old. But, in some cultures, couples are still pressured to have children "even when, on a purely personal level, they would rather not do so," said the study.

The study was published in a January issue of the "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States."