"I Already Have One of These!"

Question: I just attended a friend's child's birthday party and was shocked by the responses the child gave as he opened his gifts. "I already have one of these." "This isn't the one I wanted." After I was done judging this "nasty" child, I suddenly realized that the holiday is fast approaching, and realized my own daughter would be just as capable of making some of these comments! How can I prevent this rudeness from happening?

Teach: Have a training session prior to the expected gift giving (before Grandma arrives at your house). Review the possible situations. "What would you say if you get something you already have - like another Monopoly game?" "What should you say if you get something you don't like at all?" And even, "What should you say if it's something you like?" It's amazing what wonderful results occur with a bit of practice.

Give private corrections: Even though your child's comment appears rude and thoughtless, it never helps to embarrass your child in front of the gift-giver. If an impolite comment is made, simply excuse yourself and your child, go to a private place and point out the error. Suggest something nice to say, and return to your guest allowing your child to save face.

Have you been doing enough training? If your child isn't aware that his comments are inappropriate it's a sign that you could do a bit more training about manners. This situation may be an indication that there are other areas where your child could benefit from education about appropriate manners.

Books by Elizabeth Pantley

Would you like to know how to get your children to willingly cooperate? Would you like to eliminate many of your daily battles and end the yelling, nagging, and pleading? Would you like to handle discipline issues with knowledge and authority? During this process, would you like to learn how to boost your children's self-esteem, feel better about yourself as a person, and even improve your marriage?

In my years of raising eight children and advising parents through my pediatric practice and through twenty-three parenting books, I have learned as much as I have given. I have discovered one parenting dilemma that arises repeatedly. This dilemma is the arduous process of deciding on the right course of action when confronted with a discipline or behavior issue.

In Hidden Messages, parent and educator Elizabeth Pantley shares stories drawn from hundreds of parents that demonstrate how they unknowingly send their kids negative messages through their words and actions. After each story she provides a gentle lesson by showing the child's perspective on the same scenario and offers suggestions for specific changes parents can make to improve the hidden messages behind theirwords and deeds.