Sunday, March 27, 2016

Musical journey (68)

Remember a while back I shared a composition where I wrote about a straight love affair between a woman and a married man? At the end of that post, I promised that I would write another song with the lead being a man who falls in love with another man who is married to a woman. I am going to fulfill that promise with this month's musical post!

You know how a ring leaves a mark on your finger if you had worn it for a long time? That is the title of the song. To someone who cannot be with the one he loves because he is married, this ring mark in his mind is like an ugly scar that sears into the skin, burning him every time he thinks of him and how much he belongs to someone else. This relationship has taken place in the dark for a long time (even before his lover got married) but the married man has just given an ultimatum that he will never leave his wife. To make it more painful, this came after a night of passionate sex. The jilted man feels utterly used and worthless after being committed for such a long time, albeit unilaterally. The affliction grows the more he thinks of the ring mark and what that meant. He then begins questioning it all... and that is point in the story when the song starts.

By the way I wrote the tune during my times of boredom in Papua New Guinea and I sent it to my niece to pen the lyrics in English. She is into writing emo poems so I thought it would be a fun collaboration. Alas she was too busy to embark on the project and so I ended up writing the words myself, in Chinese. I like the tune very much as it describes the feeling of despair perfectly. When you write as much as I do, you have to be creative in the story and I hope you will like the imagination I have injected into this piece.

[戒痕]词 / 曲 : 锦泉

哪儿 什么 为何 怎么可能既然已经发生 何必去问昨天你的轻吻 脸上余温被泪洗过风干后 早已变冷

宁愿继续受困 那么愚蠢我说你还爱我 自相矛盾彻夜辗转翻滚 昏昏沉沉最黑最暗总在 两点十三分

枕边手机依旧 发不出声害怕的是等待 无尽延伸如何折磨自己 才不过分选择这样沉沦 不用谁批准

忘不掉你的戒痕 就快发疯你赐我对你的恨 我好好保存你看我为爱牺牲 于心何忍放弃我死都不肯 错有天你会承认

窗外呼啸风雨声 交错心里的苦闷一秒一分在硬撑 你却不问也不闻空屋夜里熄了灯 让寂寞失了分寸难道是我太天真 纵容你丧了自尊你却爱上那个女人

玩玩后掉头转身 不负责任承诺许下得太深 罪加一等悲与伤无法平衡 痛得却很稳曾经拥有就够了 可我在乎的是永恒

哪儿 什么 为何 怎么可能既然已经发生 何必再去问

[Ring Mark]

Where, what, why, how can that be possible?
There is no point in asking now that it has happened
The warmth on my cheek left by your kiss
Washed by tears and dried by wind, has now turned cold

I chose to remain imprisoned, how foolish was I
Thinking that you still love me, how contradictory was I
Tossing and turning in bed, half awake and not asleep
Thirteen minutes past two is always the darkest time

The phone beside my pillow still refuses to make a sound
Limitless waiting is my worst fear
How can I torture myself without going overboard?
I don’t need your approval to go on this downward spiral

I can’t get that ring mark on your finger out of my mind and it's driving me crazy
I'll treasure the hatred you gifted me
How can you bear to see me sacrifice for love like this?
I’ll never give up waiting for the day you finally admit your mistakes

The howling wind and rain outside the window cross paths with my heartache
Yet you show no concern over my endless struggles
I turned off the lights in the empty room to allow loneliness to grow uncontrollably
Was I too naive to have enabled you and surrendered all self-respect?
And still you are in love with that woman

Leaving after toying with me, how irresponsible of you
The broken promise that you made adds to the list of things you're guilty of
I can’t maintain the balance between sadness and melancholy but I can traverse the pain perfectly
People say “it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” but what I need is eternity

Where, what, why, how can that be possible?
There is no point in asking now that it has happened