A Generation of Fathers

I’m an 80’s kids. The 80’s and 90’s, for a number of different reasons, seem to have been a turning point where fatherhood began to decline tremendously, especially in urban areas and communities of color. The war on drugs, mass incarceration, even certain welfare reforms led to remarkable changes to the family structure, as more and more fathers found themselves either locked up and/or separated from their families. I was one of countless young men who grew up without their dads, having to navigate those early years without the guiding hand of their father. I fear that the negative effects of this won’t be fully understood for many decades to come!

Even with that being the case, I see a growing trend that gives me great hope. Many young men who grew up without the strong hand of their fathers have grown up and are now making pledges to reverse this debilitating trend. Nearly every one of my friends is a young, active, ambitious dad. The others are young husbands with real dreams of someday becoming dads that are present, active, and involved. We have ongoing conversations about raising our kids together, as an extended family. We dream about our kids playing sports together and bringing championships to the city. We mentor and counsel other teens and young adults, giving them a vision for the day when they will become husbands and fathers. My friends and I are working to exponentially increase the number of good fathers. We’re serious about legacy, not just for our families, but for so many others that cross our paths. We really are working to raise up a generations of “good dudes,” as my buddy Jesse often says!

It’s Not About Me…It’s About You

I get teased from time to time about my passion for fathers. Some wonder if I’m being a little self-serving. I’m a good sport about it…often it comes from one of my sisters and I give them that privilege of ragging on me! In the end, though, I remind them that what’s good for the father is, ultimately, good for the family. A good father is a blessing to his family, his community, his city. My passion is to see my city saturated with good fathers, men who are present, active, engaged, and….celebrated! I think raising up good fathers is one of the secrets to transforming our communities!

So go for it…let’s do a better job of celebrating dads and watch what happens. Maybe one day, the norm will be that children will be able to celebrate their dads like this young brother, Joseph, does in a poem called Words for My Father. You’ll find it at the end of this post. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it here now: Much of what we believe about God is impacted by what we saw in our earthly father.

May we build a generation of fathers who will represent Our Father well!

We Recreate What We Celebrate

Values are, in my opinion, both taught and caught. With our words, our corrections, and our daily actions, we are communicating our values to others. Most would probably agree with me there. What we often overlook, though, is the fact that the things we celebrate are the things that we, ultimately, recreate.

Here’s one way to think about it. When a child is young, they quickly learn that certain actions will earn them positive attention from the people around them. Over time, they can be seen repeating those actions, often hoping to earn more positive attention and praise. As parents, teachers, and others with influence over young children, we learn to celebrate certain things, rewarding desirable behaviors and attributes. At the same time, we withhold celebration and reward when that child exhibits some undesirable behavior or attribute. In doing so, we are teaching that child, communicating certain values. The goal is always to pass along those desirable values and behaviors, getting that child to internalize and reproduce them. I’m convinced that this manner of teaching and passing along of values does not end with childhood.

If this true, what are we communicating to young boys, teenage boys, young adult males and young dads about fatherhood? I would argue that our society is sending a resounding message to boys that says fathers are expendable. The message seems to be that fathers are a “nice to have,” but not essential. We give the impression that what the father brings to the family is dispensable, nonessential, extra.

Here is one simple truth that every woman would be wise to figure out: Not one man in this world flourishes in an environment that tells him that he is simply extra!

All that being said, I’m admonishing the wise people among us to begin to think critically and act swiftly to start celebrating fathers. Let younger males see that fatherhood matters and is desirable. Better yet, let them know that our expectation is that every father would be present and active in the lives of their children. Only when we change expectations and become more thoughtful and intentional about what we celebrate will we begin to see meaningful change.

After all, the things that we celebrate are the things that we eventually recreate!

If you’ve followed my blog over the last year or so, you know that I write primarily about family and fatherhood. In fact, telling stories and raising awareness around those two topics were huge motivations for starting the blog in the first place. Follow me on Twitter or Facebook and you’ll see that a huge portion of my content relates, in some way, to family and fatherhood. Check out my Instagram and I’m sure you know by now what you’d find. That’s right…many of my pics capture moments that reflect family and fatherhood. All of this is true not by accident or by consequence. There are many other topics that I find interesting, but I’ve come to believe that few things are more important and worthy of discussion than family and fatherhood.

That is why even after the Father’s Day holiday has passed, I feel inclined to invite all of you, my friends and associates, to join me in celebrating fathers and the contributions that they make to our families and communities! This post is one in a series of four that I hope will free us up to celebrate fathers in more genuine ways!

Why is Permission Necessary?

When I think about family dynamics and reflect on what I notice in society, I observe a growing reluctance to acknowledge and affirm the role of the father in the life of the family. It seems that we have formed this false dichotomy where celebrating fathers is degrading to mothers. Similarly, we often hesitate to celebrate fathers who are responsible and present, fearing that we might offend families where fathers are absent. In the name of sensitivity, we are often quite muted towards fathers. On one hand, we wave the banner saying that fatherlessness is an epidemic. On the other hand, we struggle or refuse to say thanks with any regularity and clarity to men who rise to the occasion day after day. We know better; yet, we hold back. My hope is that we can begin to address that breakdown!

So, If you’ve ever hesitated to make a big deal out of a father handling his business, take this opportunity to go bananas!

It’s a celebration!

Discussion Question: Would you say that it’s more natural to celebrate mothers? Why or Why not?

Recently, our church began a new series called, “Light In the Darkness.” It was a look at “real life” redemption and deliverance. For many people, those are ideas reserved for Disney movies or childhood Bible stories. Regrettably, too many people look at their lives and struggle to see any chance of a positive outcome or even the possibility of better. Many others claim no evidence of God at all. In some real ways, it seems that darkness reigns supreme for many. This outlook runs counter to the narrative of the Christian faith. Of all the overarching messages of our faith, a central one says that things in this world are not as they should be and that God is actively working to restore the creation. Whether spiritual or physical, the broken things are being fixed.

But…wait! WHAT DOES THAT LOOK LIKE IN REAL LIFE?

As a part of the messages, I had the chance to share a bit of my personal story with our community. I wanted to help others see that in some very real, tangible ways, God is restoring brokenness, often in ways that we would not associate with the Kingdom. My prayer was that my story could help people to open their eyes and ears to the “everyday miracles” that are happening all around them. Here’s that video:

Yesterday, I took a picture of my wife and my daughter as we were preparing to leave home for the day. It was one of those small moments where I was able to pause and reflect on God’s amazing work in my life. My prayer for all of you, regardless of your place in life, is that you would find time daily to see the everyday miracles, the small places where God is at work in your life, fixing the things that are broken. As you notice them, be sure to share them. Ready…Set…Go!!!

How many people are there in the world? 6 billion plus? Oh, it’s eclipsed 7 billion, now?

Either way, that’s a lot of people! It would seem with all of those people that the world would be a very loud place. It would seem that we would easily be overwhelmed by the deafening sound of billions of people speaking, singing, fussing and creating all sorts of audible chaos. To the contrary, though, the world can often seem like a very silent place, and I’m using the term silent in the most unappealing sense possible. The world is quiet, in my opinion, because many people have lost their voice. Not like in the case of laryngitis, but in the sense that many people have had their voice taken away simply because of their standing in life. In many parts of the world, if you are poor, if you are female, if you are of a darker hue, your are silent. That is the rule and the expectation. It is a sad but true reality. But does it really have to be that way?