Your palms are sweaty and your knees feel a little wobbly. You squirm in your seat, which feels about three feet lower than the person you're facing. Trying to get your tongue unstuck from the roof of your mouth, you start to talk.

This isn’t the opening scene of an interrogation, or asking your mother to borrow the car. It’s the moment before you make your first ask for a donation for the nonprofit you love so much.

Boy, do I remember the first time: it was for the Milwaukee Kickers, an organization I had just joined as the Director of Development. We were working on ways to get members to give to the new facility and outreach programs to youths in the central city. The person we went to ask for a donation was a longtime board director, coach, and leader of the organization – a guy who knew the organization, had a habit of giving to it, and had some capacity to give.

Why Was I So Nervous?

The good news is that I’m not the only one. Just about everyone I talk to says the first few times they made a face to face ask were really hard, and made them feel awkward. No. Wait. That’s the bad news.

Why are we so afraid of asking? Sure, public speaking is the number 1 or 2 fear among people – but asking for a donation isn't really public speaking. It’s in a comfortable room with maybe one or two other people. Usually you know the other people in the room.

I'm starting to think we're afraid because of another aspect of the nonprofit inferiority complex: we see requesting funding from a donor as begging, not offering an opportunity. We’re afraid because we’re asking for charity, and so we’re putting ourselves in a weaker place. We’re giving that other person the right to say “no” to us. In the for-profit world, when a business leader goes to the bank and asks for a loan for a new project, it’s considered an exciting moment – verily, it’s an opportunity! Why don’t we see it that way?

A speaker on such matters, Andy Robinson, came to Milwaukee a few years back to teach a weekend course on fundraising for the Center for Progressive Leadership, and I had the good fortune to be there. He asked us to think about the last time we made a donation. How did we feel when we made that gift? All of us said that, you know, it felt pretty darn good. In fact, we were proud of ourselves. If that’s true, Andy argues, why are we afraid of offering people a chance to feel good about themselves? We could be doing them a favor.

There Are No Favors in Fund Development

Aye, there’s the rub. Maybe the fear many of us feel comes from the fact that we believe deep down that the donor would be doing us a favor, so the relationship is a one-way street. Asking for an investment offers return, so it's a two way street.

Andy says we can only define a real prospect as someone who has the capacity to give, the habit of giving, and interest in your organization. If they have the habit of giving, it means that philanthropy is something they want to have in their lives.

To me, philanthropy means the various acts of generosity towards the broader community. A philanthropist is someone who wants to make a difference, and help to improve the community in which they move, however they choose to define that community. The Oxford Dictionary says the root of the word “philanthropy” is from the Greek word that means “man-loving.” Gender-specific language aside, it's about the love of humanity.

But philanthropists don’t actually do the work that's required to help improve the quality of life – they have day jobs, investments, or inheritance that they use to make the donation. Actually doing the work to improve things is up to us and our organizations. So what we have here is an equation, or a partnership. The philanthropist, the donor, wants to see something done to solve a problem. We, the community-serving organization, are doing work to solve that problem. The only question is, can philanthropists see a clear connection between the two? Do they see that we're solving the problem – creating the impact they want to see as a result of their donation? Our job is to show them.

So, if you are involved in a nonprofit – go out and ask a real prospect to team up with you today. And think of it not as asking a favor, but as inviting them into the beginning of a beautiful friendship – one that benefits them and you.

Note: shortly after I wrote this blog, Pat passed away. I'm leaving it in the present tense as an acknowledgment of Pat's deep contributions to the nonprofit sector and the fact that they will continue to help us into the future.

I just learned the sad news that Pat Wyzbinski is very ill. She was diagnosed with cancer some months ago, but now it appears that things are getting a lot worse. For those who didn’t know her, Pat was a major figure in the Milwaukee nonprofit sector in several ways over the past 20 or so years. She was instrumental in the development and then implementation of the Nonprofit Management Fund, which broke ground as a funder’s collaborative and supported thousands of small to mid-size nonprofits with funds for capacity building. Her consulting business, Management Cornerstones, gave direct assistance to many people and organizations. She helped create ENTECH, the Wisconsin Nonprofits Association, MLINC, Greater Milwaukee on Board, and many other initiatives.

To me, though, one of the most important things she did was share knowledge about nonprofits and the sector. Through workshops, podcasts, research, and articles she was intent on people learning more about this sector and how it works. That’s what I think I’ll remember the most. I was part of a Board Consultant Institute (BCI) that she taught and worked with her for a while at BoardStar. I knew her for longer but that’s where I learned the most. Here are a few things she taught me:

Start with the laws. When it comes to governance and a board of directors, it is critical to start with the laws. In our case that’s Chapter 181 of the WI State Statutes. I'm continually amazed at how many consultants and board directors do not know that law inside out. But when we were in the BCI, that’s the first thing we did. No, it’s not a page turner, but it is bedrock in terms of what you can and cannot do with your board and governance.

People like to be treated with a little something extra. At BoardStar we always had workshops at night, because that’s when board directors can make it, since they mostly have day jobs. So we gave them dinner. Not just some sub served on a paper plate, but a dinner from one of the area restaurants on Kinnickinnic, served on real plates with real silverware and glasses. I cannot tell you how many times people commented on that. It put them in a good mood, and made them feel special as they embarked on their learning at the workshop.

Identify the hurdle and remove it. Consultants all know that when you go to an agency and start working, there is often a big hurdle you have to overcome. Sometimes it’s a bad habit, sometimes it’s a person, sometimes it’s outside pressure. But there is a hurdle to the change you are trying to help them with. When we came back to Pat and asked for advice because the project wasn’t going well, she would ask: what’s the hurdle? Figure it out and remove it, that’s all. Get past it, get over it, get through it, but find out why the hurdle is there and then remove it as a hurdle.

Board service is a very pure form of American democracy. I can’t remember if we ever talked about this directly, but it’s something I've taken from the many things we did talk about over the years. Because nonprofits are an American creation, so is the concept of a board of directors the way it has evolved in our sector. As a board director, your job is to make sure the community’s interests and investments are being used well, and towards the goal outlined in the mission for which the organization was granted tax exemption. So that means you're representing the community. And it’s a role that anyone can do. Where else is it possible for anyone from any walk of life to be given a chance to represent their community? It’s a beautiful thing.

Always teach/facilitate standing up. I’m not even sure why this is true, but when you’re in front of a group of people, teaching a workshop or facilitating a group discussion, it helps to stand if that is possible for you. It might have something to do with putting energy into the presentation and giving the “audience” a focal point.

Make sure you’re right. Before you hand something out as a consultant or before you make some grand pronouncement, check your assumptions, check your facts, and check the spelling. Any mistake like that opens the door for someone to challenge you and take away the sense of trust that is critical to a client listening to what you have to say.

I have often said that Pat knows more about nonprofits and the nonprofit sector than anyone else I've known. Working with her over the years is one of the main reasons I'm now working as the CEO of the Nonprofit Center of Milwaukee, or that I even wanted this job in the first place.

I could go on and on listing things I remember from the years working with or for Pat, like the importance of bylaws, color coding, the role of the board president, and when email communication is just not appropriate. And I’m sure there are stories and learnings that I’m just not thinking of right now. So, here’s a call to action for my consultant colleagues: comment on this blog with what you remember about Pat.

It's been a year since I took the job as CEO of the Nonprofit Center of Milwaukee. That's hard to believe. Bonnie Andrews, the retiring manager of Volunteer Milwaukee, was in my office yesterday and when I told her about all of the LinkedIn congrats I'm getting, she was shocked. “A year?!” she gasped. “Time flies when you're having fun,” I replied.

Has it all been fun? No, not everything that has happened has been roses and rainbows. But a lot of it has been really good and really fulfilling. Here's my list of really cool things that I've experienced this year – and some things that are not so cool.

2. Thinking in big-picture terms about the nonprofit sector and what we can do to help.

Working with people on redesigning our training curriculum, for example. Getting a small team together and thinking about what we want a curriculum to do, the competencies we want a nonprofit organization to demonstrate, and the domains for those competencies – I just love that part of this job. Call me a geek, but I find strategizing around the best systems and approaches for helping the organizations that do great things in our community incredibly energizing.

Not-So-Cool Things

1. The politics among and between nonprofits and the people who work for them.

Brutal honesty here: topping my list of uncool things is when people are on power trips and want you to help them but will not return the favor. When people get territorial and prioritize defending their little fiefdom at all costs. The flip side of that one is not caring that there is already something in place, and creating a competitive environment that does not need to be there. We’re all in this together, folks. We’re all trying to reach the same goal of a strong and vibrant community. Let's start putting our money where our mouths are: let’s start acting the way we say we want the whole community to act. We can do better!

2. The nonprofit sector’s inferiority complex.

We just assume we do not deserve the same investment as any other type of business, government entity, or other initiative. We assume that our salaries should be smaller than anyone else’s. We assume our buildings should look beat-up. We assume that we shouldn't invest in our overhead. In fact, we brag about it. Here's what I hate to hear: “We're doing more with less.” If that’s true, maybe you aren’t doing it as well. It costs more to do things now than it used to. So how are you making that work? We need to stop saying – and thinking – that doing more with less is a virtue, because the nonprofit inferiority complex is starving our sector.

I can't end in a rant, so I'll share another positive: hearing the stories of the people who feel they've been helped by us. When someone tells me NPC Organization Development ConsultantJoyce Mallory is the reason their organization is doing so well, now. Or when a board director tells me he learned from my class on governance how to get everyone on the board to talk, and how that transformed their meetings. Or when I see people talking to each other before or after a meeting and they're finding out what they share and learn from each other. That's a good thing.

When we have successfully built a learning nonprofit community, I will know I've done my job with this organization.

So, yeah, it's been a good year overall. We've started some very exciting things, and I truly am looking forward to year two. I may be opening myself up, here, but I'd love to hear from you, dear reader. What are your observations of my first year in the big chair?