Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Bad bad Grit

The children are all grounded. This is because I have been driven to my wit's end by the constant screaming, fighting and arguing that has gone on all day at chez Grit.

Realistically, I should never have threatened everyone with a 24-hour grounding in the first place. Doing so made it only a matter of time before we got there. Anyway, I did, at 10am this morning, if the fighting did not stop. By 5pm I'd exhausted all my parental strategies, which admittedly are not many, and run out of smart options from a brain steaming with pain and frustration. So I gave in to the inevitable and shouted That's It! I've had enough! You are all grounded!

Then, after that line was delivered, and after the initial screaming and throwing soil passed, a strange silence fell upon all the house and no-one was anywhere to be seen. Squirrel, Shark and Tiger had put themselves into voluntary solitary confinement. If only they had done that when they were told to do so at 11 am, or separated even as the final straws were cracking at 4.55, then we might have got round this problem. I could have avoided the grounding and taken them off to play with En and Zee tomorrow in a field. We'd have made daisy chains, climbed fences and wondered why cows are the shape they are. I could have worked in a bit of Darwin and Newton's laws and felt a proper day's education had been done.

Tomorrow's fun was not meant to be. Despite the warnings, threats, the repeated threats, the final warnings and the final-final Now I'm counting warnings, injunctions, prohibitions, appeal to reason, just one more warning, Kaput. We are doomed. We have to stay in all tomorrow and probably repeat the same.

And if you are wondering just what three cute little 8-year old girls could possibly do that could be so bad, here are my notes.

8.55 am. Squirrel sits on the arm of the sofa. Shark, seated on the sofa, says Move! I cannot read my book! Squirrel edges her bum a bit closer to the page. Shark pushes Squirrel off the sofa. Squirrel retaliates with a cushion, book and two hands grasped around Shark's head.

10.15 am. Shark chants baby baby baby at Tiger, who growls, goes red in the face, clenches fists, screams, and throws soil and bits of plant at Shark. I get involved because it is my plant, dammit!

10.30 am. Squirrel in tears. She says Shark is being horrible. Shark says Squirrel is demanding to see entrance tickets of anyone wishing to sit on the swings at the bottom of the garden.

11.15 am to midday. Peace reigns and Grit compiles educational records should the local authority call. Dig, who is being very calm and patient and wonderful, is putting in hours of delicate work while discussing Tiger's latest science project (building a time machine. We have warned her, but she's having none of it). I can hear Dig say, That is not the right way to do things, is it? Do not punch your sister. Let us talk about it. Try and be patient. Tell me what your feelingsare etc etc etc. None of which is rewarded, because ...

2.30 pm. Tiger punches Shark in the face with a cycle helmet.

2.45 pm. Shark and Tiger are chasing each other round the garden, screaming. This is the sort of screaming that makes your ears bleed and prompts the neighbours to walk past the house slowly, trying to peer inside, clutching the telephone number for Social Services.

3.00 pm. Squirrel is up a tree in the garden refusing to come down.

3.55 pm. Dig gives up from his worthless pursuit of trying reason, careful response, thoughtful and considered reaction. He sighs, sinks into a chair and opens a bottle of wine.

4.30 pm. There is a lot more screaming in the vegetable patch. I say This is my final final final warning. This time I mean it warning.

4.55 pm. Shark bursts through the door, pursued by a snarling Tiger who has claws, literally, springing from her lethal fingers.

5 pm. I shout the words That's It! I've had enough! You are all grounded! For 24 hours!

6.30 pm. Shark, Tiger and Squirrel are in the garden, making mud pies with dandelion tops. Everyone is helping. I can hear Would you like my dandelions? Yes please! Thank you! These are just right! Shall I collect some more for you? Shall I make some more mud? Would you like one scoop or two?

Good for you Grit. Now you have to stick to your guns or you will have achieved nothing. Next time, ground them sooner and keep shortening the time from warning to punishment until they get the message. Yes it is horrible for you but it works. Mine learnt that my limits could not be pushed and we had a lot less fighting and arguing as a result. Not saying they turned into angels (a fair bit of time was spent in separate bedrooms), but at least I, and the neighbours, didn't have to listen to the screaming, crashing and banging. Once some semblance of sanity reigned, I brought in the reward system and every calm day put a point on the chart. 10 points was an outing (museum, cinema, activity of choice) with Dad at the next available weekend.

yes grit! you need to maintain stern composure, gird your loins. They have to know Mummy means it. As much as i feel bad about having thrown out the plastic 'dizzy' toy from Bob the builder when i was in a furious fury about something...by god my children have never forgotten it! Sometime you only have to have one battle, and then all the others fall into place...

I have done my best, motl. against all adverse circumstances. i have been steel-jawed in the face of three little girls who have been all sweetness & light since 5.05pm tuesday.

hi david, since it's a short hop from aus, this should be no problem. i could send them to you but once there they will want to see the aquarium, or there'll probably be trouble.

hi sharon. i can see you are better at this than me. please do classes.

yeah kelly jene! i'm in business! i am mean mamma!

casdok! i am delighted to read about C.

hi michelle - we do different systems and then when behaviour improves, we lapse, and have a big squeal and start a new one... however most of our reward systems can usually be subverted in under 24 hours.

i know, dragon boy, this is why I am so foolish to use it. what can i do?!

ovagirl, you are right. and thank you for the light at the end of the tunnel.

hi suburbia! i think you are spot on - they sometimes pick up the radar of stresses and fire it straight back, 10-fold.

dear pig, shark still remembers the time angela the cuddly angel fish was removed as a punishment... we have probably psychologically damaged her. oh well. me and dig are not talking much at the moment so the au pair is an off limits subject.

Oh to be you just for a minute...I would love to look at 3 8 year olds (my Granddaughter is 8 for just 2 more months)all of them trying to outdo the other...and be so glad when I returned to relative peace and quiet!hugs you poor baby...have a drink and put your feet up while I'm being you, okay? Oh, and David sent me bySandi

Other stuff

We have educated triplet girls to age 16 by never sending them to school.

At age 16, one daughter is now at 6th form for A levels, so you can find out about culture clash.

The other two daughters are taking a year to think what they want to do next, because we run at our own pace.If you are looking for primary, try the archives under 2011 or 2012. Ideas? Try Seven days with elephants.

Secondary home ed? Try 2012 or 2014 through to 2016.

Exams made life boring for us all and the blog stopped for long periods so the home educated could concentrate on enjoying some teens.

From 2016, expect the blog to start concentrating on me, me, me, because it's my turn.

Home ed style: Secular, philosophical, eclectic, autonomous.

Exams: own choice IGCSE courses. The HE-exams group is a must-join. I gave formal lessons in nothing.

where is everybody?

This blog is a record of a home educationwrit for parents thinking about home edwrit for the LA who need an education about home edwrit for Grit's friends and relations who drop in once a yearand writ for Grit's sane and lovely mind.

The internal DCSF Consultation Report, made public 23 January. (pdf)In Annex A, 94% of respondents disagreed that the local authority should have the power to interview a home educated child alone.When this comes out Ed Balls' mouth in the Second Reading Debate, 94% against turns to:'The vast majority of parents would be happy to let that happen'(Hansard 11.01.10, Children, Schools and Families Bill, col 437.)

Love it or loathe it? The petition still broke a record.Press release in the Mirror, Channel4 news, the Guardian.

'Even if you don't currently see yourself home educating, you never know what the future might hold, and if a time comes when you find yourself needing to pull your child out of school, I hope the option is still available to you, and you don't regret thinking *it's nothing to do with me*.'

Read the Right to Reply'Home educators are renowned for their strong opinions and independent spirit. They come from all faiths and none. They have as many approaches to education as there are children. They rarely agree on anything. And yet they are remarkably united in their opposition to these proposals. There is great concern that their way of life will be legislated out of existence.'--Response to the Badman Review of Elective Home Education in England and reaction to the Select Committee hearing.

The problem with home educators is that they are impossible to define. The only things that links them is respect for their children. And did the state just stagger foolishly across that line?Are we sandal wearing tree huggers who let our kids run wild or control mad Jesus freaks who don't want them learning about sex and evolution? Are we hot housing or leaving them to watch TV and play computer games all day? -Firebird.The UK government suggested that we home educate our children to cover up our abuse.On that issue, would you like some statistics?

'The Department [for Children, Schools and Families] is aware that attempts are being made on the Internet to vilify and harass the author of the review. It is the Department's view that, whilst dealing with each request on its merits, this situation will have to be taken into account in dealing with any relevant FOI requests. ... we anticipate the need to consider whether it is in the public interest to release information likely to intensify any such campaign, or to lead to harassment or distress to individuals.'Hello DCSF. Vilify: to make vicious and defamatory statements about.Like putting it about that home educated children are abused by their parents? Isolated? Unsocialised? Denied an education?And the latest one, that their mothers have Munchhausen's Syndrome by Proxy, and benefit from their child's suffering.

... compulsory registration, entry to the home, inspection according to external standards, and power to see the child without the parent present.By implication this applies to anyone who has their child at home with them: particularly parents with under 5s, but also those with school-aged children who are at home in the evenings, over the weekends, and throughout the summer holidays. Think on: the possibility of parental inspection, with or without your presence, based on the very human whim of a local authority officer.Is that okay with you?Renegade Parent on the implications for all parents from the Badman review of home education.

'Parents have a prior right to choose the kind of education that shall be given to their children'.(Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 1948, Article 26.3)

Photos and text copyright Grit.This is Grit's blog. The pictures come from her broken phone camera, and they are hers by right.

The words too are Grit's, Grit's, all Grit's. This is not to say you cannot use any words that Grit uses - after all, she is the unhinged woman who once banned SOIL - but you just cannot lift them in the long, complex and lovely arrangements, like the ones Grit has writ.

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Keywords you may need for grit's day

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