Trip Tucker waggled his eyebrows and looked more like a devious devil
than a gentleman. "All set, Travis. Chef has made a wonderful
pineapple upside down cake and while Malcolm is at his bridge station
this afternoon, we'll spring it on him."

"You sure you should do it on the bridge?"

"It'll be perfect! I've got my camera all set up to take some prime
pictures!" Trip exclaimed.

"Took some doing--not to mention some practice--but everything is all
set. Even the Captain can't wait to see it!"

"Did you mention it to T'Pol?"

Trip chuckled. "And spoil all the fun? No way!"

iThat afternoon./i

Malcolm, head bent over his console, continued to calculate
projectile algorithms oblivious of his fellow crewmates on the
bridge. It wasn't until he heard the sound of the turbolift opening
and could smell the tantalizing aroma of pineapple that he looked
up. And as quick as he looked up, he wished he hadn't. On a wheeled
cart decorated with streamers and balloons was a large pineapple
upside down cake. It was being slowly pushed out of the lift by the
ship's Chef, who was decked out in his best white shirt and matching
classic poofy chef's hat. With a mocking hiss the turbolift doors
shut behind the cook.

Cheers of "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" rang out through the bridge.

"What's the matter, Malcolm?" Travis said cheerfully, having joined
Malcolm at the tactical station.

"Bloody hell," Malcolm whispered to his friend. "I was hoping they'd
have forgotten it this year." He looked around to see the smiles on
Trip's and Archer's faces and the usual stoic expression on T'Pol's.

Travis slapped the Brit on the back. "Forget it!? How could we
possibly forget it? I only wish I had been there for the
celebration two years ago. Fortunately I didn't miss the party last
year. Everyone had such a good time!"

Malcolm grumbled as he recalled the raucous party that Archer and
Trip threw for him in one of the cargobays. If he ever saw another
conga line again it would be too soon. He could still recall seeing
Hoshi Sato leading the conga line on a looping path throughout the
ship that evening - with him positioned behind her and in front of
Ensign Cutler - trapped. The sound of Trip Tucker's laughter still
haunted his sleep. It was then he realized that someone was missing
from the bridge.

"Oh don't worry," Travis said. "Hoshi didn't forget you."

"I didn't say anything about Ensign Sato," Malcolm said in his
defense.

"Yeah, right. But you were thinking about it."

Malcolm glared at the helmsman.

"Happy Birthday, Malcolm!" Archer called out, he was standing next to
Trip Tucker at the engineering station. "This is becoming quite the
tradition!"

Malcolm grumbled.

Archer then turned to the engineer. "Everything all set, Trip?"

Trip wore a huge silly grin on his face and patted his camera
lovingly. "You bet!" Trip raised two fingers to his lips and
whistled shrilly. Again the turbolift opened, this time three of the
ship's women emerged. All of the women were barefoot and clad in a
bright red bikini tops and long Hawaiian grass skirts. They wore
their hair loose with a large flowers placed behind their left ears.
Around their necks, they wore brightly colored leis. Trip pressed a
button on his console and soon a tropical melody with a heavy drum
background filtered through the bridge. Taking this as their cue,
the three women began swaying their hips from side to side and making
flowing gestures with their arms and hands.

"They practiced for three weeks, Malcolm!" Tucker
explained. "According to Hoshi this is a traditional hula dance, all
of the hand movements mean something. I'm told," Trip waved his own
arms trying to mimic the dancers, "translates into wishing you a
happy birthday. Isn't that nice of them?" Tuck raised his camera
and took several photos of the dancing crewwomen.

Malcolm was stunned. Presenting him with a pineapple cake on the
bridge was embarrassing enough, but to have three of the ship's...oh
hell and one of them was Hoshi Sato...sashaying towards him scantily
clad was just too much. He could feel the heat of a recording-
setting blush inflame his face and knew he looked as embarrassed as
he felt. It was all he could do not to abandon ship and retreat to
the safety of his cabin.

As he tried without success to appear calm, cool, and collected, the
three women moved closer advancing on his position. In turn they
each removed a lei and draped it over the stunned armory officer's
neck. Ensign Halloway, a willowy blonde from ship's stores placed a
white lei around Malcolm's neck and pressed her red-painted mouth
against his cheek. Next, Ensign Cutler draped a blue-flowered lei
around his neck and she paused long enough to sloppily kiss his other
cheek and wish him a quick happy birthday.

Lastly, Hoshi stood in front of Malcolm and instead of immediately
removing one of the flowered necklaces from around her neck, she
continued to dance. Her arms wove in front of her while her hips
continued to rock back and forth. When her solo dance was finished,
she finally removed a red lei from her neck and slowly brought it
down over Malcolm's head. Leaning forward she placed a soft kiss on
his lips. Before she pulled away, Hoshi pressed closer and whispered
in his ear. "Come to my cabin tonight, and I'll tell you what my
dance meant and give you your real birthday present." She kissed him
again and this time moved away to join the other two women near the
turbolift.

Trip, Archer, and Travis applauded the women's efforts and the three
ladies gracefully curtseyed in response. T'Pol who had watched the
entire exchange stood stiffly at her station looking clearly puzzled
at what had transpired.

Malcolm was shell-shocked, standing at his station with three leis
around his neck and bright red lipstick smeared on both cheeks.

*Click* "Click* *Click*

Malcolm turned at the sound of the camera. His ice-blue eyes
narrowed as he focused in on Trip.

"Commander Tucker," T'Pol said loudly. "If I were you, I would exit
the bridge immediately."

Not needing any further prompting, Commander Charles "Trip"
Tucker the Third beat a hasty retreat, but not before he heard
Malcolm vow his revenge.

The End

For a manipulated picture of Malcolm related to this story:
bwww.metrocast.net/~kelhapam/malcolmlipstick.JPG/b

Comments are greatly appreciated, please reply to this post or email
me at kelhapam@metrocast.net.

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