What's in a Name?

An unscientific breakdown
of the odds for our
favorite team names

Even if you don't have game, you can at least have a great Hoopfest team name.

If the number of basketball courts dotting downtown Spokane isn't enough to indicate the sheer scope of this hoops-happy undertaking, the number of teams entered will do the trick. I perused the complete list — all 165 pages of it — to see what names grabbed me at first glance, much like how I pick horses at the track.

Here's a breakdown of my 20 favorite team names and their (totally made up) odds of winning this weekend:

ANGRY LARRY BIRDS

Evocative of both a popular game series and one of basketball's greatest-ever players. Odds: 20-to-1

AVOCADO TOAST

Trendy. Smooth. Delicious. If their game matches their name, look out. Odds: 30-to-1

BACK THAT PASS UP

A name that shows a knack for teamwork while also giving props to Juvenile's 1998 hip-hop anthem "Back That Azz Up"? Sold. Odds: 20-to-1

BAD HOMBRES

Topical after the presidential debates, and potentially intimidating to opponents. Odds: 20-to-1

BALLERS ON HBO

I haven't seen the program, but the fact that this team is paying homage to The Rock's show and kept "on HBO" as part of their name — brilliant. Odds: 25-to-1

BEARDLESS KARNOWSKIS

Nice local touch for Inland Northwesterners who remember pre-facial-hair Przemek Karnowski. But bearded Karnowski was the best Karnowski. Odds: 100-to-1

BITTER AGED HOPS

I got the sense looking through all the team names that drinking beer is nearly as important as balling during Hoopfest. These guys seem ready. Odds: 50-to-1

EXPOSED BRICKERY

I picture a team of interior decorators bored with every new brewpub's décor. And the self-mocking tone is great. Odds: 60-to-1

GIMME THE YACHT ROCK

If you're going to get footloose down in the danger zone of the lane, watch out for these guys. Odds: 40-to-1

GYRO STEPS

What modern basketball fans call the "Euro step" was a "traveling violation" back in the day. Expect these guys to walk all over their opponents. Odds: 15-to-1

JUKES OF HAZZARD

Please let this team show up to play in Daisy Dukes. Odds: 35-to-1

LORENZO LLAMAS

Inspired by a B-list actor, hoping to bring an A-level game to Hoopfest. Odds: 75-to-1

MAXI DADS

The real question here: Will this team bring a mascot to cheer them on? Odds: 80-to-1

NOTHING BUT NETFLIX

Many Hoopfest players are going to be laid up for a few days after all the exercise. Good thing a new Orange Is The New Black season just hit. Odds: 90-to-1

PROS IN CONS

Any team willing to play Hoopfest in Converse All-Stars — and I'm assuming that's the case here — gets extra credit. Odds: 45-to-1

RUN LIKE THE WINDED

Somebody please play Spinal Tap's "Break Like The Wind" as this team takes the court. Odds: 85-to-1

SHAM YAO

The Yao Ming reference is a little dated; the 7-foot-6 Chinese superstar retired six years ago. But self-deprecation goes a long way with me. Odds: 65-to-1

SWEDISH SWISH

With Gonzaga being a hotbed of international talent, it makes sense that Hoopfest might have an overseas contingent. Odds: 35-to-1

THREEZ COMPANY

I love both John Ritter and long-distance shooters. Odds: 25-to-1

VLADIMIR PUTINITIN

I like that this name is topical, controversial and borderline filthy. Odds: 20-to-1 ♦