People may believe they can fool you and everyone else with their words, but their body language usually gives them away.

Here are some classic examples of body language that you can learn to help spot the con artists and deceivers out there.

The Stare

"The Stare"

Ahhh staring. Its more than just a mind game to play with people on public transit. You know the game, the one where you pick a random stranger to stare at until they look away. Then when they do look away, you break your stare and never look back at them again in case they decide to start staring back. What fun.

Anyway, Staring is often thought to show interest and attention, while looking away or avoiding eye contact can be seen as both insecure and deceptive. Good Liars know this, and will attempt to over compensate by staring too long.

A good liar will be able to look at you and stare directly into your eyes when lying. If the eye contact seems unnatural, it probably is.

The Look Away.

Okay, so we touch on this one above. Its called the look away, and it applies to any attempt to avoid someone’s eye contact.

If the head is down in the non threatening submissive position and the eye contact is short, followed by a look away, followed by immediate eye contact again, the person is most likely flirting.

If however, there is an introduction of a new idea into a conversation, and eye contact is avoided, you can bet that the subject makes the person feel uncomfortable. If you deem that the new subject matter shouldn’t be uncomfortable and eye contact is broken by either the talker or the listener, you can bet they are hiding something.

The Requiem

Named after the movie “Requiem for a Dream,” The Requiem refers to the dilation of a person’s pupils.

Pupil dilation can mean many things. People who view someone from the opposite sex that they deem to be attractive will often experience a dilation of their pupils. Possibly to experience more of their beauty or possibly because the sexual feelings cause an adrenaline pump from back in the old days where men would actually hunt down their woman. Either way, desire and pupil dilation go hand and hand.

However, another time this occurs is during a blatant lie. A lot of the time when people lie, their pupils will dilate giving them away. Which is just one more reason to stare deeply into the eyes of the opposite sex.

The Barrier.

Sometimes when people lie they will create a barrier between you and them or possibly cross their arms. This is probably some deep freudian type stuff that has something to do with them feeling more protected or less exposed. Either way, its a good indicator of deceit.

Mr Freeze.

Standing rigid and frozen is almost like the person is to worried about moving nervously or subconsciously that they are attempting to stay perfectly still.

The Shrug

Grimacing and Saying “How was I supposed to know” thinking “I hope they don’t know that I know what I did was wrong”

The Blinker

Excessive blinking it often accompanied by a fake expression of either non guilt or aggravation. Both are designed to deflect any accusation put toward the blinker.

The Eye Rub.

A sign of insecurity, the eye rub is also a diversion tactic used by liars. It serves to divert eye contact in a way the feigns disinterest rather than nervous interest. Its sometimes used when there is no accusation present, just and idea that could possibly lead to an accusation or confrontation.

“Has anyone seen where all my hand lotion went?” “No mom, I have no idea, I’m tired. Leave me alone”

The Mouth Grin.

There is nothing faker than a mouth grin. The mouth grin comes when the mouth smiles and the face doesn’t. This is not an I’m happy smile and can mean many things, but it is almost always put on as a deception. It may be that the person is an emotionless data like android or Dexter like psychopath or the person just dislikes you an is trying to be polite. Either way the mouth grin is one of the most important facial expressions to be aware of, since you could very well be looking into the face of a predator.

In all of the above facial expressions and body poses, it will be the eyes that show you the face behind the mask. If you can match the eyes with, the face, with the body, with the tone, you could probably eliminate words all together, and read each person you meet, like an open book.

If you’ve read the previous article from Daft Gadgets that dealt with how to read a person’s Confidence (or take advantage of their over confidence like Luke Skywalker and The Emperor) Then you may be thinking to yourself “If I pose in these confident positions, how do I know if the person is buying into my dominance over them?”

The answer is simple. By learning how to spot submissive and non confrontational poses and postures in others.

The body language pictured below depict insecurity and submission. If you spot someone in one of these poses it may be due to your overwhelming charisma or their overall lack of alcohol. It will be up to you to decide which is which.

1. The Nose Rub.

Yes, the nose rub. It was Citizen Kane’s last words (or something like that) and is one of the most common armature poker tells out there. Although this can be done intentionally to signal anything from corroboration of a conspiracy or whether or not to steal 3rd base, the nose rub says a lot more than just “I feel like Pinocchio” and if you can label it correctly, you may just find yourself one step above Geppetto on the puppet master scale.

The Nose Rub is most famous for deceit, but it also has roots within the realm of insecurity and submissiveness, sometimes showing feelings of doubt or rejection of what someone is saying. For example,

if one is entertaining a Jehovah’s witness at the door to be polite, they may find themselves rubbing their nose if they feel insecure about their beliefs or if they feel offended that the JW is trying to proselytize them.

Sometimes however, the insecurity comes not from dominance, but fear of authority, as if the nose rubber is asking themselves “Did I just get away with that?”

2. The Hair Pull/Twirl.

Although playing with hair is a well known sign of sexual anxiety in mixed gender confrontations, this form of body language has a tendency to show up under other forms of stress as well.

Generally, this shows lack of self confidence and sometimes nervousness.

3. The Rain Cloud.

This pose spells out dejection in an obvious way. Its as if a rain cloud is pouring over the person. People who frequently stand or walk in the rain cloud position make for good converts to a new religion or cult.

4. The Eye Rub

The Eye Rub is a sign of disbelief. Not in the “I can’t believe its not butter” excited way, but more in the “I doubt myself and can’t believe I’m screwed again” type way.

As well, the person may rub their eyes do to insecurity, since people’s eye water more when they are uncomfortable. The eye rub is a way to hide behind their hands, and may also be used to deceptively feign tiredness (see article on liars in part 3)

5. The Arm Cross

The Arm Cross is a very defensive position. It signals that the person doing it doesn’t want to accept the ideas presented to them.

Its kind of like a pouty child who doesn’t want to go to bed.

In some cases (especially in women) the arm cross can be done to feel more secure or possibly even warmer if its chilly, but during an idea exchange, the arm cross generally means no, even if she’s already naked.

6. The Nail Bite

Pretty much everyone picks up on this one. The Nail Biter shows nervousness. However there is some medical evidence that nail biting can be linked to a mineral deficiency.

Nail biting can also be a sign that someone did something wrong and doesn’t want to get caught, or anything where there is anxiety over not knowing the coming events.

7. The Angry Mom.

Yes, even men do the angry mom pose from time to time.

This posture of standing straight with the hands on hips shows readiness and aggression. When you view this pose, it helps to picture the person saying: “young lady/man”. Its is generally a response to the challenging of ones authority, either over themselves or over others, which is why its best known in parents during the rebellious teenage years.

The Angry Mom may seem scary, but its really a sign of insecurity. When you see this pose, it pays to look for the hypocrisy (just don’t point it out.)

8. The Ear Pull

The Ear pull is a sign of indecision. If the ear puller is listening to you, they may be trying to decide if you are telling the truth or not. In a lot of cases, the ear puller doesn’t like the choices presented and is merely trying to avoid an ultimatum.

This one is another great amateur poker tell that shows weakness. Be careful though, they may have the cards and just feeling indecision to call due to the size of the bet.

Now that you have the ability to spot both confidence and insecurity in body language, the last thing to learn is how to spot deception. Log in next week for Part 3 of the Daft Gadgets Article: How to read a person like a book – Deception.

Part 1. – Confidence.

No, this is not an article to help criminal defense attorneys get their clients off the hook. It’s an article to help people communicate better with their “after 5” senses.

Only 7% of how we communicate comes from what we say. The other % comes from our body language and mannerisms.

Here is the breakdown:

7 percent verbal (words)

38 percent vocal (volume, pitch, rhythm, etc)

55 percent body movements (mostly facial expressions)

Unknowingly, your body sends signals that your mind may be unaware of. Those who can pick up on this secret language can develop an almost psychic instinct, either consciously or unconsciously. When we pick up on things like body language unconsciously, we view it as intuition.

Needless to say, reading body language is a great skill for poker.

There are 3 main categories for body language.

Dominant/Confident

Submissive/Insecure

Deceptive

We at Daft Gadgets will do our best to take you through the different faces, postures, and poses in each category that could make you the next Nostradamus or Gus Hanson.

1. The Pyramid.

Noting says Confidence more than than pyramiding your fingers. The Pyramid is typically thought to be reserved for sinister people like Mr. Burns (the Simpsons) and the Devil to do when they are scheming.

Pyramiding your finger tips is probably taken as an evil gesture simply because it casts out a message of power. Power being something which has been known to corrupt even the most innocent of us all.

2. The Steeple

Steepling the fingers show a sign of authority. Like the pyramid, the steeple is used by the Don Corleone’s to contemplate your request. It is very common to steeple the fingers and then touch the lip as one contemplates.

If this is a poker player, contemplating to call an all in, you can bet the other player is getting a bit squeamish.

3. The Wookie.

Known as “The Wookie” This stance shows pure confidence and superiority, and usually follows a decisive or “check mate” type move made by the person doing the wookie. It is not uncommon for someone to go into a deep steeple and then follow with wookie in victory.

It gets the name wookie from the movie starwars where Chewbaca is playing space chess with R2D2. Chewbaca gets mad when losing to R2 to which C3PO replies

Chewbacca: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrgh!

C-3PO: He made a fair move. Screaming about it can’t help you.

Han Solo: Let him have it. It’s not wise to upset a Wookiee.

C-3PO: But sir, nobody worries about upsetting a droid.

Han Solo: That’s ’cause droids don’t pull people’s arms out of their sockets when they lose. Wookiees are known to do that.

Chewbacca: Grrf.

C-3PO: I see your point, sir. I suggest a new strategy, R2: let the Wookiee win.

Enter “The Wookie” Pose

4. The Crossed Leg Kicker

The Crossed Leg Kicker can be moved into smoothly right after doing a wookie. Here the message is “I’m secure, confident and slightly bored” The kicking, is sort of way for someone to subconsciously amuse themselves, similar to a finger roll or tap.

5. The Finger Tap

The finger tap shows impatience, and authority. Those who pick up on this language may unfortunately feel pressured in to working harder or acting quicker. This may cause them to make a mistake, to which the finger tapper will get even more tappy.

If you’re performing brain surgery or deactivating a bomb, you want to kick the finger tappers out of your private space, before you end up kicking them in their private place.

6. The Head Tilt

Unlike when someone leans away from you (showing disinterest), the side tilt of someone’s head, shows that someone might be interested in the message they believe you are conveying. Some people may not pick up on this since the head tilt is commonly associated with zombies and that weird twitching girl from the well in the movie “The Ring”

7. The Chin Stroke

Like the steeple, this move shows contemplation from a position of security. Contrary to belief, chin stroking is not just a way for baby faced bearding hipsters to appear more intellectual. Both Men and Women are guilty of stroking this part of their body (although its seen more often in men than women).

Sometimes it can mean the person isn’t buying what you’re selling/telling so to speak, but other times it can mean they are intrigued by the idea presented to them and they are just contemplating it deeper.

Alternatively they may be up to something.

7. The Hand Rub

The Hand Rub is a sign of anticipation. This means the person rubbing their hands is expecting something good to come their way. They have bought in to the offer hook line and sinker and now they’re just waiting for delivery. However, sometimes, they’re just trying to warm up their hands to they can text while outside in the cold.

Every time you communicate with someone. You convey messages with your language, tone, and posture. The primary factor we use in judging others, is how they communicate with us. Learning to interpret and use proper body language can be just as important as learning vocabulary and may just give you a deeper look past the surface during your next human to human engagement.

Now we’re not saying you can judge a book by its cover, that’s not what we believe in at all.

1. Zombies

We know what you’re thinking….

Zombies don’t exist in real life. If you are what you eat, and Zombies eat brains, then zombies would be represented by the intellectuals of the world and not the simple minded sardonic cadence of an unrehearsed flash mob.

Einstein was most likely a Zombie

However, there has been real evidence to support the existence of Zombies. In fact, Zombies are even mentioned in the old testament as a creation of god (or recreation), so they actually predate the Hatian culture that many believe to be their origin.

Physical evidence of Zombies has been found recently by archaeologists during a survey of medieval churches in County Roscommon, Ireland. There, they discovered a number of 8 century skeletons that had large stones placed in their mouths during burial as a way to prevent the bodies from rising from the dead.

Unlike modern day Zombies who are brought to life by strange viruses created by corporations, Zombies from the 8th century were created by evil spirits entering into the mouth of the body after death. (although sometimes the spirit would reanimate the its own body after death as well). However, it was believed that a well placed rock would prevent such an occurrence.

Zombies in nature

Nature has been playing around with zombies for quite some time now. Once example is the zombie-ant fungus known as Ophiocordyceps unilateralis.

This malevolent fungus infects the brain of an unsuspecting ant, luring it away from its colony and family, only to have it bite down on the underside of a leaf where a long stalk spikes though its head shooting spores into the air in the hopes of infecting other ants with its zombie virus.

2.Vampires

Like Zombies, Vampires continue to live past their death by eating humans who have not converted to either Vampirism or Zombism. We’re pretty sure vampires don’t eat zombies, but we can’t say for sure if zombies eat vampires since our only reference of the two being together is the original fright night movie.

Why Remove the Zombie in the Remake?

Over the centuries, Vampires have gone from being depicted as evil fanged monsters to post 1970 sexy mysterious seducers.

However, the idea of a species that lives off human blood-sucking pre-dates all written records and has been found on shards of ancient Persian pottery (although back then, blood drinking was attributed to demons and spirits.)

Evidence of Vampires

One of the first vampire reports came from a place called “Istria” which is modern day Croatia. There, according to local reports, a vampire named Giure Grando died and returned from the dead to drink peoples blood and sexual harass his widow. This was considered unacceptable behavior and the village leader ordered a stake driven through Giure’s heart. When this didn’t work, they cut off his head.

Vampires in Nature.

There is no shortage of parasites in nature, however vampires tend to exist more readily in tiny insects like mosquitoes, and ticks, rather than mammals.

However Latin America is the home of 3 species of Vampire Bats which have been known to swoop down and feast on humans from time to time.

Now, we may all think of parasites and vampires as selfish creatures, but like Edwards family in twilight, vampire bats can be considered a thoughtful and caring bunch and have been known to puke up blood to feed those in their group who have gone hungry.

Ahh….Isn’t that sweet…

3. Werewolves.

An 18th century engraving of a werewolf

A few references to men changing into wolves can be found as far back as Ancient Greek literature and mythology. The ancient Greek historian Herodotus described places were an entire tribe of people were all transformed into wolves once every year for several days.

Since then, they have become very popular in both European and Western culture.

The scientific term for someone who turns into a wolf is a Lycanthrope or “werewolf” and is generally thought to occur through various methods.

Including:

Removing the skin of a wolf and wearing it (yes, this one is very original)

Rubbing your body with magic salve

Drinking rainwater out of the footprint of a wolf or werewolf

Sleeping outside on a summer night with a full moon on your face

Being bitten by a werewolf

Swearing allegiance to Satan. (although some viewed the curse of lycanthropy to be a divine punishment)

Evidence of Werewolves.

At Daft Gadgets we feel that a true werewolf is a combination of two separate diseases.

The first known formally as “Clinical Lycanthropy” it is a rare psychiatric syndrome/mental illness that causes the a patient to believe they are a werewolf and act like one accordingly. When this illness is mixed with Hypertrichosis (also called Ambras Syndrome), you have yourself a real werewolf.

Hypertrichosis

Hypertrichosis is informally known as “werewolf” syndrome due to the irregular hair growth it causes over a person’s entire body.

Now both Hypertrichosis and Clinical Lycanthropy are very rare, so there has not been an “official” case of someone with Hypertrichosis running through the woods to hunt vampires or doing any other werewolf type activities. All were saying is, that its possible it might happen.

Astral Projection is thought by many to be a form of lucid dreaming. Its the ability to project your body or self image in the “astral plane” or as some would say; “The collective dream consciousness”

Most people, however agree that the astral plane is a place for sentient humans, and not a place for your everyday barn yard animals. After all, eating an astral projection is not likely to fill you up, so cows and chickens don’t really have a place with humans who are traveling the astral plane.

Science can only explain so much in the field of lucid dreaming, but we at Daft Gadgets feel that the evidence in the videos below, speaks for itself.

1. Biscuit the Dream Walker

Biscuit hasn’t quite learned how to dream walk without using her body yet. She’s known to rise up like a Zombie and wander around the house while dreaming. Sometimes Biscuit will chase and bark at squirrels or possibly aliens (were not really sure since we don’t go to the same astral plane as her) and on some occasions she will run directly into a wall and wake up (Although she does run much faster on her side than when on her feet)

What do the Experts Say?

Scientists believe that Biscuit suffers from Parasomnia, which may be classified as sleepwalking, night terrors, or Rem Behavior Disorder.

For those of you concerned with Biscuits well being you can rest assured that Biscuit is a professional astral projector and is just fine despite running into numerous walls and obstacles.

2. Skeeter the Spontaneous Dreamer

Skeeter was normal for the first 4 years of his life, until he found away to transcend to the astral plane. At any given moment Skeeter can drop into a full REM state joining his fellow lucid dreamers on a trip to the astral park.

If you’ve ever seen a comedy sketch where someone is so tired they pass out in a plate of spaghetti, you’ll have a better idea of what happens to Skeeter.

What do the experts say it is?

The Experts say that Skeeter suffers from Narcolepsy that comes from a malfunctioning gene responsible for wakefulness. This causes Skeeter to skip the light sleep and medium sleeping modes going straight from full wakefulness to deep REM sleep. Kind of like a hypnotist snapping his fingers, except this actually works.

Unfortunately, Skeeter is now on the astral plane full time, since he was hit by a car while falling asleep during a chase. However, his brain was donated to science in the hope that we can learn more about what causes narcolepsy in humans.

And no, we don’t subscribe to the point of view that the scientist who received Skeeters corpse were in fact “Mad Scientists” who conspired to run down skeeter on the road to gain a possible specimen.

3. Men Who Stare At Goats.

Okay to be fair this should actually be call “men who blow horns at goats” but you get the idea.

If you’ve seen the Jedi Master George Clooney kill a goat through concentration, then you are aware of the fact that goats can “drop dead” as a moments notice. Of course as we all know, Hollywood has a tendency to exaggerate things from time to time. Exaggerations being dodging bullets, high speed chases, and killing goats through power of thought. The video above however, is no exaggeration.

The Way we see it is that the goats aren’t actually “dropping dead” as much as they are “astral projecting.” Unfortunately for the goats, taking off to the astral plane at the first sign of Danger, isn’t exactly a great way to ensure the survival of your species, which is probably why there are less than 20,000 of these goats left in existence (out of around 450 million goats in total).

What do the Experts Say?

Scientists believe that these goats are “fainting” due to over excitement, kind of like they just saw Elvis in concert. The scientific smart person term for this is called myotonia congenita which causes the goats brain signals to force their muscles to continuously expand and contract, kind of like they were getting tasered.

Needless to say, without human intervention, these goats would most likely be extinct.

4. Half Brained Dolphins.

drawing compliments of wikipedia

All Mammals need sleep, and all mammals need air. So how do dolphins sleep without drowning?

Believe it or not, Dolphins don’t breath unless they choose to. Unlike humans who breath naturally without thinking about it, dolphins actually have to make a conscious effort to breathe.

Known as “conscious breathers” dolphins can’t afford to sleep in and be late for breathing, and as we all know electricity and water don’t mix, so alarm clocks are pretty much out of the question. So what does a dolphin do?

The answer. It only turns half its brain off. This means that dolphins are the ultimate lucid dreamers in that they exist both here and on the astral plane simultaneously! Scientists have studied this phenomenon in dolphins, using electroencephalography, which is a method of attaching Frankenstein electrodes to the heads of dolphins in order to measure the electrical impulses during shut down.

We suspect that they found that Dolphins are a pretty “chilled out” and relaxed species.

If you want to chill like a dolphin you can check out the animatronic dolphin in our Daft Gadgets Shop.

Everyone always assumes that their favorite video game badass is frozen in time when they aren’t killing zombies or saving the world. At Daft Gadgets, we believe that to be both egotistical and just plain wrong. We own the rights to play as the character in our games, but we don’t own the right to dictate the lives they lead outside of our game pads. They lives they live outside their on screen adventures might not be as exciting as hacking someone down with a pick axe or playing spy in a cardboard box, but everyone, even game characters need their downtime.

Our list of attempts to show you how the our warped collective minds view the lives of the human beings behind their badass game character personas.

4. Solid Snake:

World Saving Hero and Hide and seek champion

While it’s true that Snake’s smoking doesn’t really make for role model material, it’s his style of hide and seek that has people saying that he is kind of a dick. He lost his championship title for a while because people just started kicking every cardboard box lying around. He didn’t honestly think that would work forever did he? Once his octocam was fully functional he, once again, took hide and seek to the next level. However, It was all fun and games until the pressure and success of being the grand hide and seek champion went to his head.

It began with snake pulling somewhat hilarious pranks on his friends…err…friend Otacon. He would trip him and they would laugh because, well, Otacon designed the damn thing so he had it coming anyway. Once Snake became bored of that, however, things got ugly. He would enter hide and seek games that was not invited to. Parents and children alike were pretty much horrified when a full grown man with a mustache and a mullet would stand up in the middle of a playground and shout “I win losers!”

Only once did a child ever truly challenge the master, and the illustration shows why he was also the last.

"Nobody beats solid snake at Hide n' Seek"

3. Nathan Drake and Lara Croft

Nathan Drake is basically a slightly intoxicated Indiana Jones. Lara Croft is already rich and just has a thing for competition. People have been comparing these two ever since Drake hit the scene a few years back. Lara had been out of shape at that point so putting up fisticuffs would have not ended well. Instead, PBS hosts a weekly bout called Antiques Roadshow. At first they competed by bringing in lost treasures to be appraised. This quickly grew old for both of them for different reasons. Not enough explosions for Drake, and not enough shooting defenseless animals for Lara.

This gave way to an all new competition. They put their swindling abilities to the test to see who could talk the most swag out of people by pretending to be hosts on the show. Nate would be his usual bumbling, charming self while Lara would confuse people with her accent. Both have since been discredited by the archeologists society and have been last seen selling anything from fake holy grails to fake Faberge eggs.

2. Leon Kennedy

Rocks “non” zombies’ faces off too

It was pretty clear that he is emo with that haircut he sported. Feeling dead “inside” he carries a deep connection and understanding of the undead, believing that they only attack us so that they can die a final death and end their time in shrodinger’s hell.

After a hard day’s work of blowing the heads off a procession of zombies, he needs to vent his despair. His band “Zombie Suicide” might not top the charts but that doesn’t stop him from raping peoples’ ears with what he calls music.

After vampire kids were all the rage, Leon was sure that he could compel some of the youth to transform into zombie kids. He was right. Sort of. Some kids did start to dress like zombies at first but that only made it more difficult for people to disseminate who was a real zombie and who wasn’t. This caused a psychotic break in Leon and he started on a path of killing everything that looked remotely like a zombie.

He is currently incarcerated and charged in the death of various rock stars, runway models, and DMV employees.

1. Glad0s volunteers for a suicide hot line

"Keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing. Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive

Glad0s’ ear speakers perked up when she heard of a suicide hotline for humans that was seeking volunteers. Problem is, for the humans, that Glad0s sort of completely hates people.

Her first caller said that he wanted to hang himself, but was troubled regarding the last memory his family would have of him and wondered if he should kill himself in either his best suit or go out and rent a tux for the occasion. Glas0s informed him that it probably wouldn’t matter what he was wearing because humans loose control of their bowels when they kill themselves in this fashion.

Needless to say, his family was both confused and horrified to find him hanging from the ceiling naked wearing nothing but a diaper.

On another occasion, a caller told her that he hated life because it the world he lived in was such a horrible place, so much in fact and that he wished he hadn’t been born. Glad0s then responded that it was a selfish act for the caller to kill himself and that he had a duty to save anyone else who lived in the same horrible place he did buy preventing the birth of others. The caller later put on a hockey mask and went on a killing spree, focusing primarily on couples who he believed were copulating.

Dramatization using serial killer t-shirt from Daft Gadgets. Don't try this at home.

Although the movie rights turned into one of the best selling horror film series of all time, Glad0s ended up being fired due to bad PR and currently works as a computer customer service phone operator for a mobile phone company

Other great words of advice from Glad0s are:

“I’d just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed. There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. All your other friends couldn’t come either, because you don’t have any other friends. Because of how unlikeable you are. It says so here in your personnel file: Unlikeable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikeable loner whose passing shall not be mourned. ‘Shall not be mourned.’ That’s exactly what it says. Very formal, very official. It also says you were adopted. So that’s funny, too.”

“Speaking of curiosity, you’re curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what? I know! You’re going to find out first-hand before I can finish telling you, though, so I won’t bother. I’ll give you a hint: you’re going to want to pack as much living as you possibly can into the next couple of minutes.”

“I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you… which it’s just about to. Don’t believe me? Here. I’ll put you on. [in a high pitched voice] Hello! [normal voice] That’s you! That’s how dumb you sound! You’ve been wrong about every single thing you’ve ever done, including this thing. You’re not smart. You’re not a scientist. You’re not a doctor. You’re not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?”

“We’re a lot alike, you and I. You tested me. I tested you. You killed me. I—oh, no, wait. I guess I haven’t killed you yet. Well. Food for thought.

―GLaDOS

At the end of the day, it is important to understand that some of the most popular video game characters have lives off screen. We may not envision their lives as very glamorous but perhaps that just adds to the absolute realism of video games these days.

Feel free to add your own comments as to what you think video game characters do in their off time!

For those of us who grew up in a world where cinematic technology brought science fiction to life there have been many great lessons from the universe of fantasy and science fiction. These lessons were usually passed down from a teacher to a hero, or if you were an evil child from Sith Lord to apprentice.

Because we at Daft Gadgets prefer to walk the path of the Jedi, we have not included Darth Plagueis, (the teacher of Darth Sidious) in our list of great teachers from the world of Science Fiction and instead are beginning our list with…..

Yoda

"A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge. Never for attack."

Yoda trained only the most loyal and committed students in the Jedi Ways of the force. Before joining the Jedi council his lived life aboard the Jedi training ship known as “Chunthor” not to be confused with “Gunther” from the show friends

Not a Jedi training ship.

The focus of Yoda’s teaching was based upon the understanding that as you become closer to nature you become closer to the force, becoming most powerful in death when you become one with the force entirely.

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.” Yoda would say, So in some ways he can be viewed as a crazy religious suicide cult leader.

However to his students, he was much more than that.

As nice and peaceful as Yoda was, he was not easy on his students. he exposed them to tests of endurance, strength and skill and well as potentially traumatizing psychological battles. He was known for sending his students into evil trees that would create a dark side based version of victims who entered. This taught students that they were their own greatest enemies and that potentially all fear is fear of oneself.

When Yoda was asked what was in the tree he would respond “Only what you take with you.”

Words of Wisdom from Yoda:

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.”

“Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those who transform into the Force. Mourn them do not. Miss them do not. Attachment leads to jealousy. The shadow of greed, that is.”

“Careful you must be when sensing the future, Anakin. The fear of loss is a path to the dark side.”

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”

“No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.”

“If no mistake have you made, yet losing you are … a different game you should play.”

“On many long journeys have I gone. And waited, too, for others to return from journeys of their own. Some return; some are broken; some come back so different only their names remain.”

“When you fall, apprentice, catch you I will.”
―Yoda to Dooku

“Honor life by living, Padawan. Killing honors only death: only the dark side.”
―Yoda

“To be Jedi is to face the truth, and choose. Give off light, or darkness, Padawan. Be a candle, or the night, Padawan: but choose!”

“When you look at the dark side, careful you must be … for the dark side looks back.”
―Yoda

The Next Great Teacher from the Sci Fi Universe to break the list is…

Jor-El

Now we know what you are thinking, how Smart can someone be whose family is from the house of “L” and has a giant “S” as their family logo? Well, it turns out pretty damn smart!

Jor-El was a brilliant scientist who served on Krypton’s ruling council loyally for many years. He later married a girl named Lara (not be be confused with “Lara Croft” who later gave birth to the boy who would become superman (partially due to Jor-Els teaching and training)

Not Superman's Mom

Jor-El is also known for being a bit of a cold hearted bastard, but in his defense, he purposely withheld his emotions from the crystals he transferred his brainwaves to so that he would not be too easy on his son. This way Superman would learn to survive on earth without becoming an evil threat to humanity.

Some of Jor-El’s best teaching quotes are:

The evil is you, Kal-El. The greatest threat Earth will face is coming. It preys on wavering souls like yours. Once this darkness consumes you, you will be Earth’s greatest enemy.

“Each time you let your emotions guide you, the fate of the entire planet is at risk. That is your weakness, Kal-El.”

“The tide of fate is impossible to stop. Even if you are able to alter one course of events, the universe will find others.”

“Your determination is strong, Son, but just as your passion will be your greatest strength, so, too, will it be your greatest obstacle.”

“You cannot be a beacon of hope when you have darkness in your heart.”

“You are mistaken to think that we are so different from humans. Our sacred book of Rao teaches that wherever there is light, there is darknes”

Albus Dumbledore

“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.”

Albus Percival Wulfic Brian Dumbledore is known for both his prowess as a wizard and profoundly wise teacher to some and probably mistaken for Santa Clause by others. However, unlike Santa Clause, Dumbledore is merely fictional.

According to his creator Dumbledore is the “Epitome of goodness.” He has a deep understanding of the magic of love which allows him extraordinary powers like turning invisible without an invisibility cloak.

As a teacher, Dumbledore gives off an aura of serenity and composure even though he is extremely eccentric and slightly effeminate. The use of humor puts his students at ease making him very well liked by his students, but his best quality of teaching is probably his overwhelming faith in his students.

Some quotes from the Legendary teacher of Hogwarts are:

I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it.

“After all to the well organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”

“Do not pity the dead Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who live without love.”

“Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.”

“It is a curious thing, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. “

“It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.”

“It is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated.”

“Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

“It is our choices…that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

“It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.”

Professor Xavier

“Oppression is no excuse for vengeance”

With the X-men hitting movies in the 21st century, more people are becoming aware of the comic book universe and the vast collection of great teachers and lessons found within their stories. The stories are becoming so popular that characters like professor X have reached mainstream media print like Business Week. According to BusinessWeek, Charles Xavier is listed as one of the top ten most intelligent fictional characters in American comics. Now we’re not sure why BusinessWeek would stoop down to list writing with the like of us, but we welcome the company.

Professor Xavier (Professor X) is known for teaching minorities (mutants) to live in peace with members of the majority (humans) He teaches his students to act responsible with their abilities so that there is no need for others to fear their power and create war. However, living in a fictional universe allows him many teaching abilities that other may not have. For example, Professor X can read one persons mind, learn the material, and then transfer that material to another persons mind.

This power would also be a good way to create and rule a totalitarian society if Professor X was evil, but superheroes like him rarely use their powers for personal gain. Like other great teachers on this list, Professor X is all about peace, unity, teamwork, freedom and love, and according to his creators, was clearly inspired by the civil rights rhetoric of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Some quotations of Professor Xavier’s wisdom are:

“Oppression is no excuse for vengeance”

“True focus lies somewhere between rage and serenity”

The Oracle

Life's too short. That's not a prediction.

The Oracle is known as “The Mother” of the Matrix. She possesses an emotional intelligence that opposes the misguided logic of the Architect of the matrix and she uses this power to guide the organic beings who are living oppressed in a world dominated by machines.

She possesses the power of foresight, which allows her to not only mess with the heads of her students but also order them around like puppets if she chooses. However, she also chooses to use her powers for good and doesn’t use her powers of foresight to play the lottery or make money in the stock market.

The Oracle is unlike any other teacher in that she has almost a Socratic way of asking her students questions that they already know the answersto, while providing them with faith in her predictions on their path to find faith within themselves.

Some words of wisdom from the Oracle are:

It means know thy self. I wanna tell you a little secret, being the one is just like being in love. No one needs to tell you you are in love, you just know it, through and through.

Everything that has a beginning has an end

Cookies need love like everything does.

Life’s too short. That’s not a prediction.

If you think you would make a great teacher in the Science Fiction universe, check out our Jedi Space Rug in our Daft Gadgets shop.

At Daft Gadgets we think the mark of a great teacher is the creation of a great student who not only expands their knowledge beyond their teachings, but also becomes a great teacher themselves.

In short, great teachers create great teachers.

#4. Socrates

“The only thing I know is that I know nothing” – Socrates

Most of what is known of Socrates comes from his pupils. He had the type of mind that could bring back everything on his wife’s grocery list without ever writing anything down. When Socrates taught his students, he engaged their minds through questioning and analogy.

Unlike George Orwell’s 1984 where thinking certain thoughts was a crime in itself, thought crime in Socrates City of Athens was about making students think for themselves and not blindly accepting what they were told. However, just like in Orwell’s dystopian society, thought crime = Death.
Yes, the greatest teacher of all time was put to death for perverting the minds of youth with their own ideas and imagination, which the Athens city elders believed was “Iconoclastic”

Of course, some may argue that Socrates was a disingenuous ego maniac who liked to look down upon those of inferior intelligence. He gained this reputation by asking questions that he already knew the answers to as a way to get others to follow the same path of reasoning, or take him on a path of reasoning he had never been.

Some people got angry at this because it seemed like he was making fun of them, pointing out their ignorance when in fact, he was kind of saying “Now you see how screwed up I am with all this reasoning stuff”

So Who Did Socrates Teach that was So Important?

Well, there was this guy

Plato

Not to be confused with “Play Doh”

(Not Plato)

Some of our favorite Plato Quotations on teaching are:
“Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness; but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each.”
“Education is teaching our children to desire the right things.”Plato was the price student of Socrates and founder of “The Academy,” the very first higher learning institution.

In his work called “The Republic” Plato envisioned a utopian society led by philosophers who were trained from birth to be rulers. However some critics considered Platos republic to be an elitist totalitarian regime masked under the guise of community and moral principals.

Although the Republic is Plato’s most famous work, it is most likely a branch off of his “theory of Forms” in that he is trying to find the true and perfect from of a “society.”

So who did Plato teach that made him such a good teacher?

Aristotle

Aristotle (Right) with Plato (Left)

“Those who educate children well are more to be honored than they who produce them; for these only gave them life, those the art of living well.”
“All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth.”

Aristotle was Plato’s student for 20 years. He would later start his own higher learning institution known as the “Lycium” where he would expound a philosophy entirely different from his teacher Plato.

Aristotle the Student of the Student of Socrates would become considered by some as the father of empirical science and scientific method and go on to teach students like Alexander the Great, who as we know, was pretty great himself.

Haydn

Haydn was not only one of the most prolific composers of the Classical period, but he was also known as the “Father of Symphony.”
So who did Haydn teach that was so impressive?

Well for one…

Beethoven

Here the teacher and student relationship did not work well, at least according to Beethoven. Beethoven felt that the composition lessons from Haydn offered him no value, but others have noticed a much stronger influence that Beethoven cared to admit. For example, Beethoven’s symphonies 1 and 2 have been described as “Hayden on Steroids.”

However Hayden “did” get along with another great composer who went by the name of Mozart.

Mozart

Although not formally a teacher student duo, Mozart valued Hayden’s opinions and became highly influenced by him.

Hayden may have been overshadowed by his contemporaries, but it has been said that “his music often contained both the sublime lyricism of Mozart and the dramatic profundity of Beethoven.”

Sometimes the best teachers are those who share their experiences with others takings a similar path in life

Angelo Dundee

“I just put the reflexes in the proper direction.”

If you are ever in a fight, this is the guy you want in your corner.

Angelo Dundee is considered the greatest corner-man of all time. His fame began when coached Carmen Basilio in the defeat of world welterweight champion Tony DeMarco Followed by Sugar Ray Robinson.

Dundee worked with 15 world boxing champions over his career including Sugar Ray Leonard, Willie Pastrano , Jimmy Ellis, Carmen Basilio, José Nápoles, Luis Rodriguez and George Foreman. However his prize student is most likely none other than……

Muhammed Ali

Dundee trained Cassius Clay (Ali’s name back then) in fights against Archie Moore and Sonny Liston (Ali’s first famous heavyweight title match)

Other notable matches Dundee trained and coached Ali for include: Jerry Quarry, Oscar Bonavena, Joe Frazier, Floyd Patterson, George Foreman, Ken Norton and, later, Leon Spinks (no this isn’t the Spinks that Tyson knocked out of boxing in 91 seconds although that fight was pretty memorable too if you weren’t out getting popcorn at the time)

The Way we see it, there’s teaching on and off the field and Dundee takes the top spot because not only did he prepare his students, he also helped them adapt to anything they faced in “Real Time,” and that’s something students usually have to learn painfully for themselves.

Andrea del Verrocchio

Andrea del Verrocchio was an Italian sculptor, goldsmith and painter in Florence during the early renaissance.
Like Socrates, he didn’t leave a lot of works behind. Little is known about his life, but his advancement is said to be owed much to the patronage of Piero de’ Medici and his son Lorenzo.

However, there have also been accounts that he was apprenticed to Donatello (not the Ninja Turtle) early on in his career.

Not the early Renaissance Italian artist and sculptor

So who did this guy teach that makes him so well known?

Well this guy for one.

Leonardo Davinci

Davinci may be one of the most well know geniuses of all time.

Not just a painter, and sculptor, Davinci surpassed his mentor with his “unquenchable curiosity” by reaching into the realms of music, architecture, science, mathematics, engineering, invention, anatomy, geology, cartography, botany, and writing.

In 1466 Leonardo was apprenticed to Verrocchio who was associated with teaching other famous painters like Domenico Ghirlandaio, Perugino, Botticelli, and Lorenzo di Credi. At the early age of 14, Leonardo was exposed to theoretical concepts as well as technical training in skills like drafting, chemistry, metallurgy, metal working, plaster casting, leather working, mechanics and carpentry as well as the artistic skills of drawing, painting, sculpting and modeling.

At 20 years of age, Leonardo qualified as a master in the Guild of St Luke, the guild of artists and doctors of medicine, but his bond with his teacher kept him working with Verrocchio even though Leonardo had his own workshop and artistic recognition,

Davinci was an obviously good student, but some make forget that the teacher who inspired him may deserve some of the credit.

Sting

"I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed - that was basically soccer and poetry. "The rest of it I couldn't teach." - Sting (photo compliments of wikipedia)

We can’t help but think it would be really cool to have a rock star teacher for English class. Imagine the enthusiasm kids would have for poetry and song writing when engaged by a professional and famous musician like sting.

Yes, thats right, band camp would suddenly become the next cool thing to do. Students would be rushing home to work all night on homework that just may become a hit song someday. Yep every kids dream: to get paid for going to school.

A rock star teacher would have most students thinking they’re in bizarro world.

STING has confessed he was an awful teacher before he became a rock star – because he only taught kids subjects he found interesting. We at Daft Gadgets think that this probably makes him one of the best teachers out there.
Sting was a certified primary school teacher in England and also taught English in a secondary school in Cramlington near Newcastle. So technically, it is possible that he could show up in your class as a substitute teacher.

“I just was in hell when I was teaching. I inspired the kids only by teaching them what I liked and what I was inspired by and enjoyed – that was basically soccer and poetry. “The rest of it I couldn’t teach.” – Sting

George “The Animal” Steel

Some of you may remember WWF (now WWE) wrestler George the Animal Steel.

George was known for antics like Eating the stuffing from turnbuckles and for his famous finishing move the flying hammerlock.

What type of wrestler eats foam from a turnbuckle? Well, Steel was a simpleton with low intelligence but cunning animal instincts, and believe it or not, before he was a wrestler, George the Animal Steel was a school teacher.

In fact, the simple minded animal taught school for 25 years, coaching football for 17 years and starting a wrestling program. One night he may be giving a “Beat Down” on Hulk Hogan at Madison Square Garden on a Saturday, only to be back there coaching Monday Night Football two days later. As well, with the Animal teaching class, excuses like “The teacher ate my homework mom” might actually fly.

Now sure, MMA and martial arts are pretty badass, but you step outside with someone and tell them that you were trained by George the Animal Steel and you bet their face will turn a little scared.

Just that alone would make having George as one of our substitute teachers would be a dream come true.

Sheryl Crow

It may have been Van Halen who wrote “hot for teacher” but having this rock star in class would definitely have students paying attention.

Sherly Crow was a music teacher at Kellison Elementary teacher for two years before becoming a back up singer for Michael Jackson. So it is possible that she could return to the profession as a substitute in your class.

Here’s to hoping.

Gene Simmons

"I did it for six months, and I wanted to kill every single kid," - Gene Simmons

Although only teaching for 6 months, we think this long tongued, leather and chains, sex craved musician turned businessman turned reality tv star would make one hell of a substitute teacher.

Assuming he left us alive.

Stephen King

Working his way up, Stephen King began his career in a laundromat, to them become a janitor, and then finally an English teacher at Harned Publish School.

The way we see it, students would always be a little on edge if they had King as a teacher, and as such, paying better attention in class.

It could be argued that being a teacher launched his career since “Carrie” (based upon an ostracized girl in high school) was Kings first success, and as such he could be talked into making a cameo appearance as a substitute teacher, which would be a much better choice than the late “Running Man” author Richard Bachman, who was, as King said: “A Nasty Man… I’m glad he’s dead”

If you think school sucks now, just remember it could be a lot worse.

In honor of September being “Back to School” month, we at Daft Gadgets have compiled a list of the top worst school teachers out there to remind you just how good today’s students really have it.

The first being…..

#1 George Orwell

Photo thanks to wikipedia

George Orwell was the pen name of author, journalist and teacher “Eric Blair”. With his mental acuity equal only to his wit, Eric Blair also had a profound awareness of social injustice as well as a strong belief in democratic socialism.

So what did he do that’s such a big deal?

Well he wrote the dystopian novel 1984

As well as the satirical novella “Animal Farm”

(not to be confused with animal house)

Together these two books have sold more than any other twentieth century author.

Where and When did George Orwell Teach?

In April 1932 Eric Blair taught at the Hawthorns High School in West London. This was around the time he publish his essay called “Clink” which was about his failed attempt to get sent to prison (he gets liquored up and tries to get arrested so that he can document police brutality, but unfortunately they were too nice).

He then later taught at Frays College in a class of 200 students.

Frays river

What would be so bad about having him as your teacher.

A tantō knife prepared for seppuku.

Well, as witty as he may be, his outlook on society might be taken to be that life is nothing more that a desultory journey to a final dirt nap caused by a bullet to the back of your head. When we study, we open our minds to our teachers, and it is likely that anyone in his class would probably take an overdose of depression.

On the lighter side, truly depressed suicidal people can experience great carriers as “Adrenaline Junkies”

#2. Benito Mussolini

Il Duce

Mussolini was known for being an intelligent child with a violent temper and large ego. After being expelled from school due to poor grades and misbehavior, he was sent to a boarding school as an attempt to set him straight.

The Boarding School was in Faenza Italy, but Mussolini found it to be a little too strict and began once again breaking rules by being late, mouthing off in class, and stabbing students (no were not kidding, he was expelled from the boarding school for stabbing a fellow student)

Not Il Duce, but you get the point

As the saying goes, “those who can’t do, teach.” Benito Mussolini would get his diploma and go on to have a brief career as a secondary school teacher.

You might want to remember that next time you take advantage of a new or substitute teacher.

#3. John Wesley Hardin

"I Shot a Sun Tanning Mexican to win a $5 Bet"

Hardin became a school teacher somewhere around 1868, just after killing 3 people. However, because being a school teacher in Navarro paid really crappy, Hardin attempted to make money on the side paying poker, where his failure at the game caused him to kill another player.

After leaving his career as a school teacher to become a fugitive gambler. Hardin was known for things like “shooting the person snoring in the next room through the hotel wall, and killing a deputy sheriff.

These types of acts would land him in jail for 17 years. After that he was pardoned and immediately passed the bar examination to become a lawyer. A changed man, fully pardoned and now capable of practicing and teaching law, he is said to have then killed a suntanning Mexican to win a $5 dollar bet.

The Moral of the story here is probably to never gamble with your teacher or professor.

#4. Havelock Ellis

Havelock Ellis was a British Physician, psychologist, and Master at a private school who studied human sexuality with regards to transgender sexuality, narcissism and eroticism.

“What so bad about that? It sounds like he was ahead of his time and a great liberal thinker?”

Well, uhhhh……

The thing is, having a teacher like this would be very stressful. Now forget the fact that this sex aficionado was in charge of two elementary schools for a second and focus on what getting a bad grade would mean if you were one of his students.

You see, Havelock was a proponent of the wonderful world of Eugenics which had the great idea of progressing human evolution manually.

How you ask?

Well, because everyone knows that people who fail is school offer no use or value to society, it is was deemed by the supporters of Eugenics that it would be a good idea to forcefully sterilize children who did poorly in school. This way, only the smartest people could have children, in turn making a more intelligent population.

This meant that they could remove idiots like Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein from our gene pool and replace them with high school graduates.