I volunteered to do the Daily Dump because I knew I would do a shitty job with it, just like all the last minute things I volunteer to do. I knew I would fake my through it, just like I fake my way through everything else on a Monday, aka the Worst Day Ever Of The Week.

Side bar here with me a sec, guisse. Does it ever make you totally fucking crazy that Garfield was always so miserable about Mondays? What does he have to hate about Mondays? He doesn't even fucking have a job. What the hell are you complaining about? YOU ARE GOING TO WAKE UP AND EAT AND GO BACK TO SLEEP JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHER FUCKING CATS.

Seriously tho, I love Garfield.

Anyway, we certainly put Monday to the screws on Groupthink today.

Monday barely made it an hour without being a total dick. Gaaawd, Monday. Thankfully, Violetwhatsherface found something involving cats on the Internet. Huh. Cats on the Internet. That must have taken months to track down. Everyone high five her and say thanks for the agonizing research. That's if you can figure out how to say her friggin' name.

Then, Monday started in with some bullshit, nicely explained by Tyrannusaurasbataar. I blame this on Monday, because Monday may not have specifically done this, but it gets away with a lot of other shit. So nice job, Monday. Way to fuck over some nice people.

Of course the weather sucks on Monday. JennyApples likes the rain because she's in Britishlandia and English people love rain; true fact, they call rainwater "Glilly Burgon Drawswichies" and they use it to make crumpets.

Where we all pretend to be well-adjusted, high-functioning adults and then post lies about it in the comments.

This morning I woke up early (1) and made it to work on time (2). I worked diligently (3) and completed every task required of me (4). I had a healthy lunch (5), and just came back from a social gathering where I drank responsibly and basked in the affection of my peers (6). Now I will make a nutritious dinner (7) and go to bed at a reasonable hour (8).

Answer Key:

(1) - 9:45; (2) an hour late; (3) goofed off and frantically f6'd the Post for shooter updates; (4) did my timesheet; (5) bacon sandwich with two bags of chips; (6) went and drank tea by myself because my therapist has ordered me to get out of the apartment; (7) more bacon; (8) stay up until 4 am playing videogames.