"The time of business does not with me differ from the time of prayer, and in the noise and clatter of my kitchen, while several persons are at the same time calling for different things, I possess God in as great tranquility as if I were upon my knees at the blessed sacrament."

-Brother Lawrence
'The Practice of the Presence of God'

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Not the Light

"When John the Baptist is asked, Who are you? he answers with a string of nots. He is not the Messiah, nor is he Elijah the prophet. He is also not the light.

What we know about who we are is aided by knowing who we are not. In our current darkness, as much as we might wish it were otherwise, we, like John, are not the light. We are not able to be all that our hurting world needs.

In the shadow of these stressful days, I find an odd comfort in this reality. I am not meant to be who I am not. I am not Jesus, nor am I a prophet. I am not the light.

We are told that John himself was not the light . . . BUT - notice the compound sentence, each part having equal weight - BUT “he came to testify to the light.”

Lest we be tempted to make our permanent home in who we are not, in the small cramped space of low expectations and limited responsibility, the second half of the sentence clarifies the first. It calls me out from the shadows and gives me my own significant part to play. I am not the light, but I am called to testify to the light.

To testify is to tell my truth, the whole truth, to be held accountable for what I know and see. I am a witness to the light. I have watched it shine in my very own darkness.

Light, of course, always shows up best in darkness.

As it turns out in God’s wise economy, I serve the light best not by trying to be light, not by trying to create an illusion of light, but by being simply myself. A wondering, a waiting, a longing, a doubting, a sometimes lost and tired traveler.

My unique darkness becomes my unique gift. It is how I testify to the light. The very parts of me that I think about trying to hide reveal the light most clearly.

Because even in darkness - especially in darkness - the true light, oh how it loves to shine."

"For a child has been born for us, a son given to us; authority rests upon his shoulders; and he is named Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."

-Isaiah 9:6

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"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because the dawn has come."

- Rabindranath Tagore

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"What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the sunset."

- Crowfoot, a leader of the Blackfoot nation

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"Each string of a wind harp responds with a different note to the same breeze. What activity makes you personally resonate most strongly, most deeply, with the wind of the Spirit that blows where it wills?"

-David Steindl-Rast

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“And may you always remember that obstacles in the path are not obstacles, they ARE the path.”

-Jane Catherine Lotter

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"When before the beauty of a sunset or a mountain, you pause and exclaim, "Ah", you are participating in divinity."

-Joseph Campbell

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"Gratitude is an ascending reflection of a descending grace."

-Beverly Novak

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"I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars."

-Og Mandino

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"What wings are to a bird, and sails to a ship, so is prayer to the soul."

-Corrie Ten Boom

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“Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I'll try again tomorrow.”

How much sorrow can the human heart hold?
How much can it break before it's veins will run cold?

How many tears can fall upon ground?
How many can fall but still not make a sound?

Who will hear when a mighty heart rips?
Who will hear when the last tear drips?

Who will listen before someone stops calling?
Who will listen before the tears stop falling?

Where is my Savior who said he would pay?
Where is my Savior on my dying day?

It may not be my body that dies, it reminds me with pain it is not.
It's just my soul that is tattered and beat, my soul that perhaps was forgot.

Forgot that He promised He'd always be there, that He'd suffer each sorrow and sin
I was sure He was perfect, would never forget, was sure I would see Him again.

But my body and heart are battered and broke, strewn along life's road
I've finally succumbed, my faith paper thin as I stumble under the load.

Dear Father, Dear Savior, I try one more time, to plead my case alone,
Please rescue me from the life this mine, PLEASE HEAL ME OR BRING ME HOME.

I wrote this when I was in a very dark place,I was so deathly ill and had held my 14 year old son in my arms as he died from complications of CP and I was no better off. I was wishing I could have gone with him, the pain and sickness was more than I could bare and not a Dr. who would listen.

Know you are not alone. He is there, you are just too sick to feel him.
Know that we are here and many of us wish often for the same thing, but remember too that it is the loved ones you leave behind that will hurt more than you do now because they will feel they failed you.

I have since this post taken myself off all the sleep and pain medications "well-meaning" doctors had put me on to combat an illness no one understands. I don't recommend doing it the way I did it, it was more akin to a Cold-turkey Heroin detox, the kind you see portrayed in drama TV shows, I am surprised I survived it, but here I am four years later and yes I do have less pain now than when I was on all the so called Pain medication. Is life tolerable, not really. Is it doable, yes, because I no longer have a life of any sorts
My theme song of Press Forward Saints, performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir helped pull me through the long months it took to recover from the detox and gain my strength back, I should also note that it goes with my other theme song from Garth Brooks, I Thank God for Unanswered Prayers.

Please hang on with anything you have left, the cure may not come soon enough for alot of us but the reward will be better for having fought a good fight.
Much faith and prayer for you,
Nah.stacey

"There is a hard truth to be told: before spring becomes beautiful, it is plug ugly, nothing but mud and muck. I have walked in the early spring through fields that will suck your boots off, a world so wet and woeful it makes you yearn for the return of ice. But in that muddy mess, the conditions for rebirth are being created."