Marlette: To err is human, to lie is presidential

So when Books-A-Million hosted the Ben Carson book signing a couple weeks ago, was the event held in the “Fiction” section? Just curious.

And are any of Dr. Ben’s book-buyers disappointed with their purchase? If so, I called Books-A-Million on Friday and they said they’ll gladly refund your money even for autographed copies — as long as you have a receipt.

The most glaring of those statements was a passage from his book “Gifted Hands,” where Carson describes being chosen to march in a Memorial Day parade when he was in high school:

“I felt so proud, my chest bursting with ribbons and braids of every kind. To make it more wonderful, we had important visitors that day… General William Westmoreland... attended with an impressive entourage. Afterward, Sgt. Hunt introduced me to General Westmoreland, and I had dinner with him and the Congressional Medal winners. Later I was offered a full scholarship to West Point.”

POLITICO noted that Carson has retold variations of that story in numerous other instances and forums. They also pointed out that “according to records of Westmoreland’s schedule that were provided by the U.S. Army, the general did not visit Detroit around Memorial Day in 1969 or have dinner with Carson. In fact, the general’s records suggest he was in Washington that day and played tennis at 6:45 p.m.”

And from there, both liberal and conservative tweeters broke into a dadgum digital un-holy war over which side was in fact, lying.

“Carson’s a liar!” shrieked the lib loyalists!

“POLITICO lied!” blubbered the comrades of conservatism.

The dumb little debate fumed with Yeatsian madness — the best lacking all conviction, the worst full of passionate intensity. So it was that Friday afternoon’s ceremony of innocence was drowned out by a blood-dimmed tide of tweets and twits, where lib and con alike were deaf to the most bipartisan of truths: That lying is presidential!

Sure, Ben Carson lied. And he ought to be proud of it. Could there be anything more authentically presidential? Could there be any act that’s more quintessentially American?

The answer is no, there could not be nothing more not American.

Confused? That’s because that sentence was a lie!

And as good, old, God-blessed Americans, lying has become so ingrained into our red, white and blue blood cells that we don’t even know a lie when we hear one anymore. Lying is our birthright — and it’s every presidential candidate’s patriotic duty.

So ask not if Ben Carson or any other candidate lied to our country. Ask instead if they lied good enough. This nation is facing serious challenges and we need candidates with the courage and audacity to lie better, to lie bigger.

Ben Carson, we don’t want to hear that you were offered a full scholarship to West Point in 1969. Next time tell us that you were drafted by the Pistons in 1969!

Hillary Clinton, we don’t want to hear how you wiped your server of benign personal emails. Pledge to us that you deleted that hard drive to hide the hundreds of scandalous “belfies” that you took with Kim Kardashian!

And Gov. Bush, we don’t want to hear how “Jeb can fix it.” Because the way your campaign is going, we’d have trouble believing that “Jeb can fax it.”

Did Ben Carson lie? Of course he did. And that’s exactly what qualifies him for the Oval Office.

And if you can’t tell whether or not that’s the truth, then you’re just un-American!

Joe Florendo, Debo Adetoro and Oluseyanu Omotoso take a selfie in front of presidential candidate Ben Carson's bus Sunday during his book signing "A More Perfect Union" at Books-A-Million in Pensacola. John Blackie/jblackie@pnj.com