Me: I was horrified (I know dramatic) how 50+ women said they became invisible when they became 50. What is your experience?

Amy: I don’t think I had that experience. I did have an experience where I realized men don’t look at me the same way, that there are no expectations or anticipation, no weird sideline questions about whether or not I’m single. I suddenly felt much safer. I suppose there’s some invisibility to that, maybe I should even say I realized I wasn’t attractive, but I had never really felt attractive to begin with, so I think it was different for me. I was glad not to have the attention be about my youth, but about me instead. I feel more engaged with people, men and women, because I don’t think about physical attraction anymore.

Me: You are a writer. Why were you compelled to write specifically about your journey after turning 50?

Amy: Why did I start? I wrote little quips on Facebook about my excitement of turning 50. I have wanted to be 80 since I was about 7 years old. My siblings are both much older than I am, and I always felt I had to be older to do the things I wanted. On Facebook, as I talked about my elation with the future, I found out so many other people were as excited as I am. Men too. Or, they found some kind of inspiration in it because they had been depressed about getting older. So, when I turned 50, I wanted to document my path throughout this milestone year. I liked writing about the little things that happen and I wanted them all in one place, mostly for me, but also to share since people seem to really like them.

Me: Do you feel the pressure to “be” a certain way based on society standards now that you are in your 50s?

Amy: Pressure to be a certain way? NOT AT ALL. In fact, that’s one of those things I get to let go of. I get to be me every single day of the year. And that me, as one of my blog posts talks about, is sometimes different than she was yesterday. I can change it up and change it back, and I don’t care who judges. Well, okay, I care and am still self-conscious, but I can also be okay with being insecure sometimes. That’s who I am. And this keeps that awful spiral into self-hatred from happening. Thus, I like myself more.

Me: Are there things you would like to tell your younger self or women who are younger than us?

What would I tell my younger self or those younger? Well, I could probably come up with a big long laundry list of things not to worry about, but I believe very strongly in the journey and the ability to make mistakes and learn from them. So, I try not to have regrets (I have plenty, believe me) and instead consider them lessons or stepping stones. For younger women, I would say to keep looking ahead. I won’t say it gets better and I won’t say it gets worse, it’s a journey, so enjoy the ride.

Me: What is your hope as you live the better half of your life?

Amy: My hope as I live this Better Half of My Life? That I really do live to be 100 and I can be one of those women who is still getting around, still physically active, still loving and living, still laughing and crying, still baking pies. I don’t want to be bitter. I don’t want to be crippled either. But if I’ve learned anything at all in my first 50 years, it’s we don’t get to choose most things. So, I hope whatever happens to me between now and 2064, I will take it in stride. That I will continue to survive. I learned that in the first 50–I am a survivor. I’m proud of that.

Me: In this better half of your life, what are those things which keep you grounded and you want to share with others?

Amy: I would love to have more folks follow my blog at www.LivingTheBetterHalf.com. My first novel, Moon Pies & Movie Stars is now on Kindle, so of course, I would love for folks to buy that. I am now still two years younger than my protagonist. I guess that means I’ve had a older soul all along. And my Savory Salons www.savorysalons.com were another idea I had a few years ago that took off unexpectedly. My goal was to find a way to bake my pies and bring out of town writers and teachers to San Diego for my students. Oh, and that would be one more blog to promote–www.revisionistas.org. That’s my students’ website. I post little snippets of their writing there every week. I don’t have children, so I show off my students instead. They are so adorable! The best students a teacher could have. Actually, they’ve taught me a lot.

Me: Amy, thank you for sharing. You have always inspired me with your writing and wit, and now with your wisdom.

Amy: Michelle, thank you so much for this opportunity. This was great fun, and made me think of some things about myself and why I’m doing this that I hadn’t considered before. Also, thank you for your website. It’s a wonderful thing to bring 50+ women together to celebrate. A virtual party. I get giddy when I see more people excited about the aging process. And by aging, I don’t mean old, I mean growing, flourishing, and believing the future just gets better! Aging is not a bad thing.

Judy Reeves’journey continues. Read why Judy writes, why she likes the company of women, and why wild women are her favorite kind of women.

Why writing? Writing is not for the faint of heart, especially vulnerable, truthful writing, right?

Yes, it can be heartbreaking, but I knew I was a writer at eight years old. Writing was as much a natural part of me as my blue eyes and fly-away hair. I just did it. All the time. I earned my living as a writer—newspapers, radio, TV, advertising, marketing, PR, and I wrote in my journal every day. I began writing stories when I was a little kid and have never stopped. I could no more tell you “why writing” than I can explain why I believe in the way sunlight falls on bougainvillea or what is it is about a ripe, juicy peach that fills me with gratitude.

Why are you drawn to writing with and about women?

I come from a family of sisters and many aunts and have always had a close circle of girlfriends. Women speak the same language, even when no words are spoken and there’s nothing like the kind of laughter that happens when a gaggle of women get together and tell their stories. It’s not the sound that angels make; it’s much earthier than that, and to me, holier even at its most raucous. And while those big-shouldered men can hold you when you cry, they can’t hold the same way another woman does—holding not just your body, but your pain as well—they know, they understand. Who else but another woman knows the physicality of being a woman… all the nuances of our bodies, inside and out. While I think men “do,” I believe women “are.”

Why wild women?

Judy’s Wild Women Inspiration Board

Because wild women live more authentically. These are women who have resisted over-domestication, in the words of Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Wild women are the ones who tell the truth, who laugh the loudest, who trust their instincts and their intuition; they’ve not forgotten their real name, which may not be the one they signed on their marriage license, or their car loan or gave to the IRS. You can always tell a wild woman; she’s the one with Soul. Read Judy’s post about Wild Women.

Judy is a published author and a wonderful teacher. Check out Judy Reeves’ list of books, workshops, classes and events here.

Stayed tune for more of Judy’s story. Now that Judy is 70+ what would she tell her younger self? What’s next for Judy?

I gripped the steering wheel. I was a suburban girl. I wasn’t used to driving in downtown San Diego. The first car crash I had was here and it had been during the day. Now it was dark only the streetlights glowed casting weird shadows on the street. I searched for the address. Where was the house? Where was this place?

It was more than the darkness, the one-way city streets, for the last three months I had severe anxiety, a chronic panic attack brought on by a trip to New Orleans. At thirty I was convinced I was going to die. This is not a story about me; it is the story about the woman who saved me.

Ah, there is the place. I parked my car in front of the building. I flung myself out of the car. Before knocking on the door, I took a deep breath, settled myself. Rap, rap, rap.

Why did you start The Writing Center?I was 44 when my husband, Tom Reeves, died. After he died, I was alone for the first time ever. After a couple of years of running the business we owned together without him, I sold it, sold my condo, my car, pretty much everything, and booked an around-the-world airline ticket. I wandered around Europe for seven or eight months, (turned 48 while I was there) seeking, adventuring, meeting strangers, being solitary. Then, one cold night in November of my 50th year, I soaked in the bathtub, trying to warm my bones, the idea to open The Writing Center came to me.

Just short of a year later, on my 51st birthday, Ray Bruce and I moved into the Quong Building in the Gaslamp Quarter of downtown San Diego, and began building what would be The Writing Center.

Did being 50+ have anything to do with your inspiration?

Do I believe my age was significant to the journey? I say emphatically Yes! Even to this day, I consider that decade the most powerful of my life. My professional experience served me well; I had certain skills that were key to starting and running a nonprofit organization. I had self-confidence that I didn’t possess at a younger age. Through the years of self-searching, I knew I could trust my intuition and believe in the values I’d come to adopt as my own, using what I learned and was learning from my mentors and those I considered teachers, even if I didn’t know them personally. At 50+ I also possessed more patience than in earlier years. And, I still had the stamina it takes to put in the time and the plain hard work it takes to create and sustain a vision and manifest it into a physical reality.

There is a reason I started Judy’s story with mine. I showed up to The Writing Center’s door, the one Judy answered, and my life changed forever. I was going to say Judy helped save my life but it seemed too melodramatic, too theatrical. My life changed. I became a writer. Because of Judy, I grew my voice. Who else out there has had the same experience? Tell Judy and all of us about it.

Stayed tune for more of Judy’s story. What do wild women and Judy have in common? Now that Judy is 70+ what would she tell her younger self? What’s next for Judy?

I’m not much for making New Year’s resolutions. I think it’s all those years growing up, and in my twenties, where I didn’t feel good enough, smart enough, thin enough, enough-enough. During this time, I didn’t just have New Year’s resolutions, I had morning resolutions, day resolutions, month resolutions. Inevitably I would fail.

I’m done with the vicious cycle of making ridiculous resolutions, not achieving them, and feeling crappier about myself. Today, on January 1, 2014, I offer promises (which can be changed) to myself and to you. I promise:

To not gain weight.

To listen more.

To practice yoga and meditation as much as my life allows me to.

To write one hand-written letter.

To help women of a certain age be more visible, and for all of us to feel our value.

To say what I want and not apologize.

To be present.

To push myself through my fears.

To practice.

To meet people where they are.

To continue to tell MY story, and help others do the same.

To hug more…truly hug, no patting the other person on the back.

To sit with my kids as long as my ADHD will allow me.

To show people I love them.

To laugh more.

To continue to embarrass myself and my children.

To be vulnerable.

To be.

To live with integrity.

To cut down on Diet Coke.

To not apologize for who I am, or what I like or what I don’t like.

To apologize when I’m wrong.

To know these are the good ol’ days.

To take constructive criticism gracefully…and when it’s not constructive tell the person so.

To let go.

To smile more with my eyes.

These are my promises for 2014. If you think I have been too gentle on myself, this reminds me of #27.

Meet the next fabulous 50+ woman, Katie Dexter. Katie is a wife, mother of two adult children, a daughter, sister, aunt, and friend. She is a genuine, authentic, caring woman. She speaks her mind, and at times not in the most politically correct way. She will do anything to help family, friends and strangers in need. Katie will locate a connection to better a child’s life or a friend’s road to recovery. Her passion for community service began 20 years ago as a PTA member at her daughter’s elementary school. This volunteerism led to seeking a seat as a school board member which she has held since 2002. She continues to represent the best of the best, the kind of woman who can do it all and then some. I admire this brilliant woman and she inspires me each and every day. Katie is committed to doing what is right. Why? Because that is how Katie Dexter rolls!

Written by another Visible and (Extra) Ordinary 50+ Woman, Robin McNulty.

Do you have a extra-ordinary 50+ friend, mother, daughter, sister, mentor then bring her on? We all need some inspiration.

]]>http://40pluswoman.com/?feed=rss2&p=12540Visible and (Extra) Ordinary 50+ Womenhttp://40pluswoman.com/?p=1257
http://40pluswoman.com/?p=1257#commentsTue, 10 Dec 2013 05:45:36 +0000michellehttp://40pluswoman.com/?p=1257I am honored and humbled by the 50+ women we have highlighted here. Daughters have honored their moms; friends have written about their friends. Today I am changing the rules and paying tribute to a woman who will probably never read these words.

Helen Reddy 2009

I was only nine when “I Am Woman” became number one on the Billboard Hot 100, and became the UN anthem for women across the world in 1975. But even at that tender age, I understood the importance of the song. Throughout the 30 years since Helen Reddy first sung the song, it has insinuated itself in our (women’s) lives, my life. Of late, it reminds me of the importance to roar.

Oh yes, I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to
I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman

We could leave it here, an anthem for women around the world but this is not where the story ends. This is just the beginning for Helen Reddy.

If you don’t watch the six plus minutes of this interview, here are the highlights:

Interviewer: When you made the break in 2002 from show business, that was it?
Reddy: I said to myself, “Now let’s have a real life.”

After giving away her gold records, her Grammy, her memorabilia, Reddy said, “I live frugally. I live simply. I don’t need money.”

Interviewer: How would you best like to be remembered?
Reddy: I don’t care if I’m remembered or not. The important thing is whatever good I’ve done lives on.

Linda McKinley is the most resilient, strongest, and selfless woman I know. Though I was raised in a single parent home, I never felt as though I was missing out on anything – I, and my two cousins who my mom raised as her own, were loved whole heartedly and never went without food, clothes, shelter, an exceptional education, and did I mention all the love she could give? Even with all this love and strength, there is often a little strife, Linda is no stranger to accidents having recently lost two of her fingers to a scuffle with a snow blower, one of the hazards of being an independent woman living in New England, but with every stumble she takes – she gets up, dusts herself off, and keeps right on along her track in life. Not only that but she has been FIVE years clear of nasal carcinoma of which she endured two radiation treatments a day (proton and photon)and chemotherapy treatments for over a year – my mother considers herself a cancer TREATMENT survivor and I am so grateful everyday for her survivalist instincts. When my mother commits to something she never relents and sees the projects to its completion whether it is Thanksgiving dinner or a remodeling project on the house.

She is my real life Greek goddess, like Athena, she epitomizes wisdom, courage, inspiration, civilization, law and justice, just warfare, mathematics (still working on that one!), strength, strategy, the arts, crafts, and skill – to me, she is my everything and I love her wholeheartedly.

I’m writing to you today to tell you about my mom, Judy Means. She is an (extra)ordinary woman to say the least. As the holidays are quickly approaching, we all are thinking about those special people in our lives. I know one thing for sure – Mom ,misses her Mom more than anything. Nana passed away in January of this year; the matriarch of our family is in our hearts but no longer with us here. Nana (and my Mom) got to see me get engaged last Christmas at Nana’s house (front and center for the craziest, happiest moment of my life). Nana died a week or so later.

Lindsey (left) and Nana, holding the whisk

Mom continues to move forward; managing all the family business, the estate (even though she’s the youngest!) and making everything work for everybody else. She’s planning my wedding, remodeling the kitchen and cooks every night for her husband (whom she has loved and adored for 30 faithful years). She also cooks for all the foreign students my parents house and feed while they are visiting or first moving to the United States. My childhood home has been a safe haven for Chinese teenage girls (playing dress up in our old prom dresses), 15 German college students, a 25-year old Korean male studying engineering, a young woman from Oman who had never been away from home and a Brazilian nurse. Yes, she cooked for, cared for and worked with all of them on their English.

Mom does innumerable things for me and everyone she knows through her actions. But there is one young man for whom she has stepped up for consistently and without question for the past two years. This smart and funny young man has had a tough upbringing. He has shown strong work ethic and an effort to change his future for the better. However, there was just one problem: he couldn’t read.

Mom started meeting with Juan two times per week at a local Starbucks. Between taking care of her very sick Nana, managing full-time work (she’s a super star there too by the way), being a wife and a mom and cooking for foreign students, she met Juan every week. They started out with the basics – letters, sounds, etc. Then they moved to filling out applications. Juan got hired at a great company. Next they read books together. There was difficulty, yes. He’s not a child with a sponge-brain – he’s a full grown man learning how to read. Juan and my mom are friends. He calls her “Mom” and laughs with me every time I interrupt their tutoring session with my phone calls. He invites my parents to hear his band play – they go to support him (his parents weren’t there) and they head-bang amongst the carefree to Megadeth-style metal. Mom has counseled him on how to buy a car, how to budget and save his money for his first apartment and how to break free from the bonds of his dysfunctional family. She cheers him on, every week, as he moves forward with his reading skills.

Mom and Juan read “Island of the Blue Dolphins” together. A classic, and one of her favorites. When my sister and I were little, Dad and her would take us beach camping. During one of our stays, a man was reading aloud from this book in one of the picnic areas – families gathered around in our sweatshirts and listened to the story next to the crashing waves and fire pits. I’ve never forgotten that story. Mom has instilled in me the greatest gift a parent can give to their child – imagination. She showed me beauty and love and fun in the world of play. In Chapter 10, Karana sees the dolphins and says “more than anything, it was the blue dolphins that took me back home.”

Danielle just joined the ranks of the 50+ woman. I don’t know if she is as thrilled as I am about this occasion, but I am. Finally, I get to honor this (extra)ordinary woman. Let me count the ways:

Danielle joined me and our mutual friend, Kimberly, at Kimberly’s cabin. I had a two month old; Kimberly had twin girls about four months old. Danielle came to be the “mom” to one of the twin girls. She strapped her to her chest as if she were her own. I’m not so sure I would have committed a weekend to do the same.

Danielle attends every one of her son’s college soccer games. Oftentimes she drives by herself for hours to sit in the stands and cheer on her son.

Danielle is Mama Danielle to many of her friend’s children. She has gone out of her way, when traveling to see her son play, to go and stay with my daughter, Kelly, who is away at college. Mama Danielle brings a piece of home with her to Kelly, and this means the world to both Kelly and me.

This list could go on for a very long time. Yes, Danielle is a friend, a mother, and a breast cancer survivor, but she is so much more. Danielle is a woman with a big heart and soul, and we are luckier for having her in our lives.

You see, Deborah Cohan is NOT a 50+ woman. She is 44. However, what she did in the OR before her double mastectomy was EXTRAORDINARY. Here’s to all the joyful, courageous, inspiring women in our lives.

I am blessed to honor women such as Deborah Cohan, my mom, Robin Pelletier McNulty, and many other 50+ visible and extra-ordinary women. However, I know I’m not the only one who know remarkable and inspiring 50+ women. Now it’s your turn to give a shout out to your friends, mothers, sisters, aunts, mentors, etc. There is now a submissions page to tell your stories. These do not have to be long, just speak from the heart. I look forward to the plethora of submissions I will receive, and the joy we all will experience reading these stories.