At one point in this nation’s great history, women didn’t get much hotter than Jessica Simpson, as she shook her ass and squeezed her tits together to make us forget that Dukes of Hazzard was a poisoned queef of a movie. But then she decided that she wanted to do the whole family thing so she quit acting and making music, and along with her career in entertainment went her ridiculous body that even her own father couldn’t help talking about. Jessica was back in action last night, though, as she attended the Footwear News Achievement Awards (that’s a real thing, I swear to God) and even though she looked about as comfortable as Obama at an NRA rally, you’ve got to give Jessica credit for trying to recapture her long lost glory.

Jessica Simpson got pregnant six hours after she gave birth to her first illegitimate kid as a backup plan to having to go on a diet. Weight Watchers is hard. Fucking is easy. Jessica is well getting back up to gestational playing weight. She’ll never be Daisy Duke again. But isn’t the miracle of child-birth worth the loss of hot bodied woman? I don’t think so either.

An unlike her daughter Maxwell, who just sounds like a boy, Ace Johnson will actually be a boy, assuming that last months rumor was true.

“[She's] told people she’s going to name the baby Ace!” the source told Us.com. Simpson, 32, is already mom to 10-month-old daughter Maxwell. The singer hasn’t yet revealed how she and Johnson, 33, decided upon the name, however.

How they decided on the name is by asking, “what’s fucking awesome?” It’s a nick-name actual men call each other that they’re making a real name! That’s bad ass! It would be like if a black couple named their kid My Nigga. If they have another son his name should be Tough Guy.

JESSICA SIMPSON – is in talks with NBC for a sitcom that “would feature Simpson playing a version of herself in a Curb Your Enthusiasm-style look at her life”. And it can’t possibly fail because improv is the perfect vehicle for this quick-witted legend of comedy. (tv guide)

RUSSELL CROWE – might be dating “burlesque goddess” Dita Von Teese, who has somehow totally escaped her past as a “spread-eagle girl having sex with a popsicle goddess”. For the record, it might not be the best idea in the world for a guy with his temper to date a girl who is super super pale.(page six)

BEN AFFLECK – will have a tough time winning the Oscar for Best Picture even though his movie ‘Argo’ just won the Golden Globe for Best Picture. His best bet is for lots of old voters to think they’re voting for ‘Fargo’. (huff post)

TAYLOR SWIFT – has a crush on Bradley Cooper, so she had Jennifer Lawrence ask Bradley if he wanted to go out with her. The response: “Bradley has absolutely no intention of getting together with Taylor.” So then Taylor asked, “What does he mean ‘no intention‘? So he really wants to date me but thinks you can’t plan love? Oh my gaad, why do guys always have to play these games, why can’t they just be honest!” (radar)

MICHELLE KEEGAN – is an English actress in the new issue of Zoo, and she’s in a bikini but who cares about that? What I wanna know is if her eyes are the same size, and what insect does her eyebrow look like? This magazine is really out of touch.

Jessica Simpsons best friend is her former personal assistant CaCee Cobb, and Zach Braffs best friend is his former ‘Scrubs’ co-star Donald Faison, so of course Simpson and Braff were a bridesmaid and groomsman when Cobb and Faison got married this weekend in LA.

After a very very very slow start, but before announcing she was pregnant again, it seemed like Jessica Simpson had made real progress on her diet and deal with Weight Watchers. In fact she looked awesome, she lost 20 pounds, and it would be a real testament to her hard work and discipline if it had anything to do with that.

“Jessica really didn’t start showing a significant amount of weight loss until the last couple of months, after she became pregnant with her second child,” said a family insider. “She now believes that she conceived at the end of September.”

Of course there is a plan that keeps a girl in that zone between losing weight due to morning sickness and gaining weight as the pregnancy develops, and that’s to tell Chris Brown that you’re two months pregnant and get pushed down the stairs.