The idea of a store devoted exclusively to mayonnaise may seem not just absurd but a little … disgusting. But ­Empire ­Mayonnaise Co.’s 50-plus spreads—heritage pork belly to saffron—really, actually, make the sandwich (564 Vanderbilt Ave., nr. Dean St., Prospect Heights; 347-281-2291).

Illustration by Remie Geoffroi

Sausages

Marlow & Daughters is home to the town’s most bearded, bespectacled sausage fest, with dudes cranking out sweet and spicy links such as lamb curry and poached boudin blanc from local grass-fed livestock, all in plain view ($12 to $16 per pound at 95 Broadway, nr. Berry St., Williamsburg; 718-388-5700).

(Photo: Jonathan Nesteruk)

Moonshine$22

Touting itself as the city’s first operation of its kind since Prohibition, Kings County Distillery (co-owned by New York’s David Haskell) pumps out handcrafted bourbon and moonshine made in teeny-tiny batches from five eight-gallon stills (Greene Grape, 765 Fulton St., nr. South Portland Ave., Fort Greene; 718-797-9463).

Built for manual labor but more commonly spotted on Williamsburg wait staff, Stanley & Sons’ leather-and-denim aprons are stitched on a vintage single-needle machine by the grandson of a forties apron-maker (Hickoree’s Hard Goods, 109 South 6th St., nr. Wythe Ave., Williamsburg; 347-294-0005).

(Photo: Michelle Feffer/New York Magazine)

Genuine Vanilla$24

How to arrive at vanilla extract as fresh and pure as Binxgoods? First travel to India and befriend a bean farmer. Then let your imported beans steep for six weeks in your South Brooklyn kitchen (By Brooklyn, 261 Smith St., nr. Degraw St., Carroll Gardens; 718-643-0606).

Creamy Cheese$5

What ricotta cheese could possibly be more authentic than the Italian kind? The kind from Salvatore Bklyn, made by a pair of Clinton Hill lesbians with Hudson Valley whole milk and fresh-squeezed lemon juice (Choice Greene, 214 Greene Ave., nr. Cambridge Pl., Clinton Hill; 718-230-1243).

(Photo: Jonathan Nesteruk)

Ice Pops$3.50

In a world of evil food coloring and high-fructose corn syrup, People’s Pops dares to save those tempted by ice-cream trucks with cold, Greenmarket-produce-packed treats that taste far better than any Otter Pop. Its new stand-alone shop will come to the rescue of Park Slope moms May 1 (808 Union St., nr. Seventh Ave., Park Slope; 347-850-2388).

Illustration by Remie Geoffroi

Grass-fed Jerky$10

Even if it tasted like feet, people would probably buy Kings County Jerky based on the loving backstory (grass-fed beef, marinated, spice-rubbed, dried for six hours, sweetly trimmed) and the bearded charm of its maker-­sellers. But—in flavors like Korean BBQ and Sichuan Ginger—these meat sticks have another thing going for them: spicy, smoky, just-chewy-enough deliciousness (Brooklyn Flea, both locations).

Wait, what? This is the sort of product that would have had to be invented for this particular scene were it not an actual thing. And yet … no self-respecting urban woodsman should go without MCMC Fragrances’ pioneering beard oil. Made in Ann McClain’s Greenpoint fragrance lab, the roll-on scent called Dude No. 1 turns scraggly facial hair glossy and vaguely woodsy-smelling (Bird, 203 Grand St., nr. Driggs Ave., Williamsburg; 718-388-1655).

Illustration by Remie Geoffroi

Coffee That Bites

While you’re waiting for pour-over coffee to dribble into your cup, here’s something new. Grady’s Cold Brew has the same punch without the drip-drop-yawn part. It’s concentrate made from steeped, fresh-roasted beans and chicory that can be mixed with milk or drunk straight over ice ($8 and up* at Union Market, 402 Seventh Ave., nr. 12th St., Park Slope; 718-499-4026).