Checks and Stars

Parents of toddlers have to be flexible. I don’t mean they have to be able to put their legs behind their neck but rather go with the flow. What works one day is a total flop the next – especially for us.

As difficult as it is some days, we have to teach our kids that they need to listen, need to share, need to have patience, need to respect others etc. It’s all in the name of safety and sanity. I think setting a good example is the best approach but sometimes the best example is ignored, not realized or coyly missed.

We’ve somehow found something that works with Abbi – checks and stars. It’s a simple balance of discipline and working towards a reward. Judge us all you want for ‘rewarding’ our kids for listening. It works.

Stars are good. When Abbi does something really good, is an excellent ‘helper’ or goes out of her way to be a good listener, she gets a star. We have a sheet of red, blue, silver and gold stars. When one is earned, we pick a color and put it on the calendar with the reason. Accumulate 10 stars and the reward is cake and ice cream at a local eatery.

Checks are bad. Checks are given for outright ‘bad’ behavior and sassy behavior. Checks also go on the calendar. The only twist is that a check takes away 2 stars making it that much longer before the reward. Simple but Abbi gets it. It sunk in early and we’re going with it.

We’re sitting at 15 stars right now. At ten Abbi and I had cake. At 20, she will go with Em. It’s special one on one time.

In my opinion, this (or something similar) approach should be in all of the parenting books. Also, I should read some of the parenting books to make sure it isn’t.

2 Responses

I like the checks because it is teaching her consequence — the result of her bad behavior and actions. Not all parenting does that so kids don’t know the result of whatever they have done. It’s great to see parents teaching their children good and bad.

Several daycares do something similar – a jar of pebble sized objects where you put them in the jar for good behavior, and take them out for bad behavior. When the objects reach a certain height, the child gets a reward, and the jar is emptied to start over. We used pennies in a cup. Our daughter could get one a day if she was good manners all day, two if she was good manners on a really difficult day (like the day we moved). A bad day could result in one or two pennies lost (three ppennies the day she cut her own hair). Ten pennies was a treat of her choice.

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