Friday, January 20, 2012

Pondering

My birthday is coming up at the end of January and today I found myself pondering what, if anything, DH's FOO will do. This isn't something that is eating at me, nor is it something I spent much time thinking about: It's more-or-less just a topic that intrigues me, given how inappropriately his parents behaved in regards to my birthday in the past.

For those of you who haven't been with me from the start, a brief synopsis:

In 2010, NMIL only made brief mention of my birthday to DH in an email she sent to him. The topic of the email was not my birthday, she merely stated something along the lines of, "By the way, happy birthday to Jonsi" at the end of it. EFIL and L sent me a belated birthday card with a twenty-five dollar gift certificate in it. We had seen them the night before my birthday for the big birthday bash that L threw for EFIL, and neither of them said anything to me.

In 2011, NMIL did not acknowledge my birthday at all, given that she was aware that DH, the person she would have been trying to impress, was not around. EFIL and L sent a card with twenty-five dollars in it and L wrote the message, "Happy Birthday Jonsi! I know you must miss DH. We planned to see you yesterday but guess DH's plans changed. - EFIL and L" The whole "guess DH's plans changed" thing was really pretty ridiculous to me, given the circumstances. Ultimately, the reason why they hadn't seen my husband the day before was because EFIL had revealed to DH that he was in cahoots with NMIL and that he had no intentions of discontinuing their sneaky partnership. When DH and EFIL had a confrontation the night before EFIL was supposed to pick him up and bring him to the airport so he could catch his plane for a two-week business trip (which happened to be the night before my birthday) DH and I decided it best that my mother bring him to the airport instead. L's inclusion of the statement "guess DH's plans changed" in a birthday card to me was really pretty childish and inappropriate.

So, given those past experiences, I spent five minutes today pondering the likelihood of being contacted by DH's Jonsi-hatin'-FOO for my birthday. Although DH and I have opted not to share his FOO's most recent attempts at contact on our blogs, I can say that it would seem that NMIL's tactics have changed slightly to the "See? I can play by your rules" approach. In other words, she's trying to make it look like she'll abide by the requests we have made. What she fails to realize at this point is that her pitiful attempts at convincing us she is not a bad person are far too little and far too late. And, they aren't even sincere.

But, I digress. In relation to my birthday, I think there is a smidge of a chance that she'll send a card or something. I'd say the chance of that is less than one percent, but she just might try it in the hopes that such an action will impress my husband enough to break his silence with her. It wouldn't, of course, since DH is much too far down the road of enlightenment to be fooled by that sort of thing, but given her most recent manipulation attempts, I can't entirely cross it off as a possibility either.

Basically, her possible acknowledgement could go one of two ways: She'd either try to hype the whole thing up with some sort of useless and over-the-top gift that I couldn't possibly use or want and that reflected her lack of insight about me (unlikely - that would be far, far too much effort on her part with very little possibility that she'd get a reaction from DH) or she'd make sure that it would reflect her hatred of me. And quite honestly, I think she'd be too afraid to try writing a message to me directly, even a one-liner in some cheap birthday card. No, my hypothesis is that, in that less-than-one percent chance that she even acknowledged my birthday at all, she would send a card with nothing but her name signed at the bottom. And the more I think about it, the more I think even that is unlikely.

Where EFIL and L take this is completely up-in-the-air for me. I really have no idea what they'll do. Actually, I'm leaning towards a card with no gift inside, or no acknowledgement at all. Given that they suffer from an extreme superiority complex, they may send a card so as to keep their head's inflated to the proper size. Until they give up on the idea that DH will respond to any of their shitty manipulation tactics, they may continue to "reach out" to us on important days.

Or not. After all, they think they've tried "so hard" already. At some point, they'll switch over to the "We did our best, it's time to give up now" mentality and leave us alone entirely.

Which would be splendid.

I plan on spending my birthday with family and friends who love me. I'm baking a fun rainbow cake for myself and we've invited my parents and siblings over to hang out. It'll be a small gathering in size, but a big gathering in love. We'll celebrate the same way we celebrated my mother's birthday a few weeks ago: It's just a laid-back gathering with good food and great company. My brother's birthday is a few weeks after mine and we'll all get together to do the same for him. And so on and so on it goes.

I'm happy that DH will be here this year for my birthday. It was a major bummer last year that he had to travel and was gone for two weeks (and that he left the day before my birthday! Pooey!) This year will be great, I can just feel it. Every year that passes has gotten better and better for me, and as our family continues to grow I can't help but feel this sort of warmth and comfort around me: I have everything I could have ever wanted in life. It just keeps getting better and better!

2 comments:

This past year, NM gave me a card with nothing written on it. Nothing. She thought I'd like the picture, and had bought it the previous summer. It was a pretty picture. Most years, there is no card of any kind.

Your plans sound wonderful. I've also learned to celebrate in my own way, with friends and people I know love me. Glad DH will be home this year! Happy Birthday!

"Most years there is no card of any kind." I'm so sorry! Not surprising though...and I'm glad you're able to find happiness anyway, because you won't find it from a narc. I'm thinking about doing a post devoted to the idea of gift-giving. There is definitely an interesting correlation between narcissism and bad-gifts.

See Why

I wanted to have a place where I could write anonymously about the relationships in my life: good and bad, healthy and unhealthy, and all that those relationships entail. I feel that questioning leads to understanding which, in turn, leads to action. We can change and our best can get better. It takes work, commitment, and honesty, but it can be done.

I am fascinated by what makes people tick. Why do they treat others a certain way? How does our childhood affect our lives as we enter adulthood? How do we handle the problems that arise in the relationships we encounter? When is it okay to let go, and when should we hold on? This blog is a way for me to attempt to answer those questions.

See Me

I am a thinker, an explorer and a Truth warrior. My life journey requires me to write from my mind, heart, and indomitable spirit. I ask why. I rock the boat. I seek the Truth. In life, as with writing, this is what I know, "Spend it all, shoot it, play it, lose it, all, right away, every time." I admire the world like I would an opponent, without ever taking my eyes from him or walking away. (Annie Dillard, The Writing Life). Life is lived in the details. Love is lived in the Truth.