Hounds assembled in preparation for another Thursday night trail. Little did they know as they congregated in the back patio of Druid’s Keep that the hares, Not In My Hair and Roller Girl, had orchestrated a trail unlike many others. We had so many virgins to deflower that night and none of us had brought the baby oil. (Where is Shop when you need him?)Missing our il-luster-ious leader, the obligations of leading were transferred to Everything Butt Sex who was also getting his cherry popped as a solo RA. The pack consisting of Casting Couch, On Her Cycle, Lick A Virgin, Just Rob, Just Justin, Just Maggie, Cause For Blindness, Three Balls, Just Birdie, Emo Kid, Just Andrew, Judge Doody, May I Come On Ya, Where’s My D, Cuff Me The Vampire Player, Chasez Boyz, More Men Pukes Tonight (visitor from Baltimore Annapolis H3), Groundhog Lay, and Me Shrub You Long Time assembled around chalk talk to meet our 10…10?...yes TEN VIRGINS! Just Rob 2, Just Laura and Just Stephanie are the lucky three that Roller Girl made come. EBS made Just Shane and Just Carrie come, Casting Couch made Just Caroline and Just Elizabeth come, Cuff Me made Just Amelia come (butt stuff maybe?), You May Go made Just Kein come, and Just Joey was made to come by “some guy named Nick who has heard about you guys” (how mysterious). Everything Butt Sex said some stuff about marks, proclaimed we must be running in the Virgin Islands, and set us on the hunt!

To the west the hounds ran, and ran they did. Apparently, some of the virgins were so excited by their coming that they wanted to come hard and come fast. Some clusters of marks curved around corners, and checks were found and quickly solved as the pack worked their way further west. The streets were mostly empty though a couple neighborhood kids were out and about. One of them called out to a harriette “hey mamas”, so he was either trying to find his lost mother or was pathetically trying to cat-call from his ten speed. Either way the pack surged onward until we found our second favorite mark..SN. Emo Kid was the first hound to recognize the location of the SN as “his father’s” house. I think the raven statue gave it away.

The hares had prepared a sweet combination of chocolate and peppermint, but lacking any vessels we hounds had the privilege of taking a knee to mix the luscious fluids in our mouths. The night was warm, and the schnapps was cooling. Delicious as it was, Just Elizabeth opted for a double shot of the thick dark sweetness and proclaimed “I needed the extra shuga!” We emptied our refreshment and were off again. The trail took us to Spring Garden and briefly west again before turning north. In the near distance an illuminated dome stood out above the row houses. To the east now we moved searching in the darkness for more clues to where the hares had holed up. As we paused to solve a check, Where’s My D violated a no-trespassing and no-loitering warning sign and possibly upset a local muggle who scowled at us from her porch. D was thoroughly concerned and beat a hasty retreat after yet more marks.

At the edge of a park we reached our favorite mark and the FRBs exclaimed “Beer Near!” much to the amusement of some muggles on a park bench who explained they had been trying to decode said mark for several minutes. The hares were eagerly awaiting our arrival and distributed the sweet nectar of the brews. There were many cans to quench our thirst and a few bottles of clear liquid for those who came the quickest. Just Stephanie, who is clearly a race-ist, offered a nip to Where’s My D who foolishly thought it was water. As soon as the liquid passed her lips, she realized it was not water but in fact bottled margarita and D feigned to pilfer the remainder of the drink. Just Stephanie asserted herself as an alpha and promptly offered to wrestle D for it (Oh where was Shop with the baby oil!!!!). Alas, being a peaceful and loving pack, there was no battle on the field that night and the two harriettes laughed away any possible tension. In the dim light of the park Cuff Me was making sure her virgin, Just Amelia, was taking in all the revelry. Just Amelia revealed that she had been trying to come for months but could not due to her “working nights”. Is she a vampire? Does she play? Does she prefer handcuffs? Is that how Cuff Me The Vampire Player finally made her come? Alas, no answers were had for the beer was drank and the pack was off again!​The trail continued without much event to the east towards the river and ultimately ‘round to the On-In. Those tricky hares had brought the pack back just in time for some to move their cars in the confines of 2-hour parking and avoid a waste of potential hash cash. Everything Butt Sex called for the pack to circle up, which was not an easy task with so many doe eyed virgins to wrangle. He brought the hares in so we could express our “gratitude” for their effort and promptly blanked on a hares song; however, with a slight verbal nudge he regained his composure and led us through to welcome back the surviving virgins. We all completed the deflowering and the virgins who are no longer pure shared in celebrating the trail. EBS however did forget to explain about “What doesn’t go in you” and he paid for that in the accusation round. To be honest my fellow half-minds, I enjoyed circle so much that I took hardly any notes but do remember that You May Go arrived in time for circle and was accused of incest because he made his brother Just Kein come (I honestly don’t see the resemblance). More Men Pukes Tonight showed us his pipe, I mean showed off his pipes with a song. Cuff Me tried to slip in a self-serving commendation in exchange for special favor in trash (not going to work!) and the pack in general filled the night sky with song, merriment, and joy. It warms my heart to see so many new faces brought into our folds and excites me even more to see familiar ones come and come again. We are a great Big Fucking Mess and would love to see you come too!