I Hate My Ex Girlfriend!

While I was thinking today of how many guys I know that have said to me at some point “I hate my ex girlfriend!” I wondered how do men deal with break-ups and if guys handle break ups differently than girls. I also wondered – what’s the reason they hate their ex girlfriend?

The more I thought about it, the more I think it is probably true that men deal with break-ups differently. And I also realized that most guys hate their ex girlfriend mostly because of the way she trampled on their hearts. Well, if you hate your ex girlfriend because she broke up with you – there’s really good news for you on that one – you can get back together with her. And if you want to learn how to get your ex back, then you should click here to find out more about that.

But back to how guys deal with break ups differently than girls. For starters, I think guys tend to dwell on the past a lot longer than girls. With most of my exes, I forgot about the majority of them within a month or less. I don’t have pictures of them, I don’t talk about them, I don’t think about our past at all. In some regards it is like they’ve been completely erased from my past. (Though some undoubtedly have taught me a few good lessons – like never date a guy who doesn’t have his own car)

Another thing I’ve noticed is that some of broken hearted guys tend to be obsessed with your ex girlfriend. They do things like plot revenge for their ex girlfriend, or try to get back with their girlfriend through annoying phone calls and text messages that will only drive her farther away. There is a right way to try and get your ex girlfriend back – and that’s called the >Magic of Making Up. (Read my full thoughts on that here). They’re searching for ways for real ex girlfriend payback or they’re becoming borderline stalkers. In most cases, neither of these are really healthy good for you options.

Being obsessed with your ex girlfriend is definitely NOT emotionally healthy, since it is preventing you from enjoying single life or meeting someone who mutually likes you. Instead of being obsessed with your ex girlfriend you could be having an awesome time with someone nicer, sweeter, and doesn’t do things that make you hate her! Even if you did want to get back together with her, you’re just going to drive her away more and more if you’re not careful.

Then there’s the how men communicate factor. Now some men I know actually bond very well with their other male friends. They talk about a lot of things – feelings, emotions, how much they hate their ex girlfriend. That’s good! That’s a healthy way for a guy to deal with a break-up! Sometimes guys will go out and play a highly aggressive sport to let out some steam, also a good healthy way to get over a break-up. But there are also many men who have no close friends to talk to or cry with. (That’s what girlfriends are for, after all!) And so naturally this leads to more pent up feelings and emotions, which may even explain why it takes longer for some men to get over a break up.

I agree on the communication point. But the part I really liked was the part about lessons learned. I have many friends who tell me they just can’t find the right girl. But the reason is that they keep dating the same type of girl. If you break up with someone because it’s to difficult to date someone without their own car, then don’t date another person with no car. The idea should be to find someone you can actually spend your life with. Not just have fun for a couple weeks and move on to the next.

Some people may have the close friends but actually still may not be able to talk to them seriously about their emotions.

Like you say, if their emotions are ‘kept secret’ then the problem gets worse.

Also with guys trying to win their ex back, it just never works. The best way would be to give her space and then she’d see what she’s missing(or isn’t). If you are constantly trying to talk to her then she has you wrapped around her little finger.

I think it is the total opposite. I think girls thrive on the past more and really dont know how to handle break ups but there are as many men as women that do these things but I dont think it is more.

I’ve been guilty of dating the same type of person over and over again, so I can understand that. It’s not easy to see where you are going wrong, so to have a friend to speak with is really a great help here.

I know I simply could not realize some stuff by myself and needed help. Communication means a LOT.

[...] Revenge damages your internal organs. Your ex became an ex because there were bad things that he or she did to you, or because of his/her annoying behaviour, or because he or she cheated on you. Whatever the reasons, they are not reasons for joy, that’s for sure. When you plan a revenge, you bring into the front of your mind those unpleasant memories, to which your body would immediately respond. Think of such a moment: don’t you feel your heart beating a bit faster? Or a slight nervousness taking over your body? You had your share of nerves in the past; why to extend that on to the present, which is supposed to be better, once you got rid of your annoying ex? How often do you tell to yourself I hate my ex girlfriend? [...]

[...] be done. But I don’t think 18 days makes much of a difference. Lots of people say “I hate my ex girlfriend” but this is a not something they tend to act on. Read More | Trackback [...]

Samantha on November 25, 2008 at 2:54 am

I personally hate thinking about my ex boyfriend and am sure that he actually just hates me. We haven’t spoken in over 2 years after having been together for 6… I used to dwell on it, and he ignored my efforts to be friendly for so long that I gave up. I think I hate the thought of him because he erased me from all facets of his life instead of just being civil… his way of dealing with the break up was by burning the remains of what was and walking away, and mine was by trying to salvage something, no matter how small, from the wreckage. I wish it were so easy to pretend he never existed… how do guys do that???

Shawn on November 25, 2008 at 11:15 am

Samantha, You have answered ( I believe ) a question that I have always wondered. What hurts a woman more…an ongoing disagreement OR to have a former boyfriend/lover simply ignore you as if you didn’t exist? I have an ex I have refused to speak to for 15 years. I’m over it now but if it is 10 minutes before I expire 15 years from now I won’t say a word to her. After cheating she reached out but I will NEVER speak to her ever again. A couple of years ago on the street she said “hello” and I kept going without stopping.

From Miami on December 5, 2008 at 10:34 am

My ex and I were planning a marriage, our kids, our life. Then she dumped me and started going out with a way older man. It was completely out of her character, everyone that found out just could barely believe it. Your absolutely right Samantha. We dwell on the past alot and I think its because were so focused on immediacy towards problem solving that when were unable to do ANYTHING about something like the end of a relationship it drives us nuts. I know atleast in my case its like that. She wants to be friends but friend is a four letter word. I should hate her but I guess the wound is still fresh because I dont. Im still in love with her and trying to work past it.

Miami_response on December 5, 2008 at 9:54 pm

Hey,

I say this for all people (I am a guy) going through a hard time with a breakup; take the time to learn about yourself. I have been in many serious, light, fun, and scary. People put so much stake in others, as if they will better their life. They should! BUT only if you are really happy with yourself. I feel that two independent people, self sufficient people can come together when they have reached that point to create a perfect union. If not each, or one, with lean on the other eventually causing a collapse. I have caused it and been the one on the converse side. In all honesty, love yourself. By this I mean to make yourself a better person for you, for the world, not what the other partner would want. I hope you, “miami”, will be okay. You will. You have the potential to do great things. Life is what YOU make it. You WILL succeed! Know that countless others have gone through the same thing and emerged so much stronger. Best Wishes always.

MKM

tammy on December 14, 2008 at 7:24 pm

i think that guys choose to care to much about what sonmeone else is going to think of them, that they chose to bottle up their wmotions. there was a guy that said that”unfortunately its not cool to show emotion” and to him i say yu because society says so. When you chose to bottle up emotions wether ylou know it or not u are holding on to that feeling and you will subconciously hold someone else responsible for somthing that had nothing to do with them. Like in a future relationship. But dont worry we do it too. But unlike men that r so afriad of someone judging thtem or see them as less then a man we speak or peace and some of us hold on to those feelings and cause conflictions in other relationships. But honestly MEN if you chose to talk about your feelings alittle more and stop bottleng them up to avoid something that is enevitable you will probubly be a better man because of it.( remeber let no man judge lest he be judged in the same likeness).

babyfood1217 on December 24, 2008 at 12:53 am

My girlfriend of 2+ years and I have been having a rough go lately. Both artists in the same field (should’ve been a red-flag…very competitive) who agreed that because of the extremely demanding nature of the field, and the sacrifices needed to achieve success in it, we wouldn’t let one another (read: “us”) get in the way of what we both knew we needed to do to achieve that success. My problem: I fell deeply for her, and let emotion lead me. Her problem: She didn’t. She stayed with her goals. Long story short: Came home from Christmas shopping tonight and went straight to her room. Grabbed her, kissed her, and said I love you. She said “I love you too” and I asked her if I could be important to her. She said “no…” I don’t have the heart for the details of what followed, but the reason I love her includes how selfish she is, even though it now means I won’t ever hold her again, kiss her again, feel her. I’ve never felt this way. Not with any breakup. It’s so bittersweet.

I told her “Don’t ever change. You are beautiful because of how you are. Even though it means “we” can’t be, I love you because of who you are…”

Crap. Heartache sucks.

dhruv on December 27, 2008 at 7:12 am

hey guys, i m goin thru the same situation.i was in a relationship for over 2 yrs and when we both came to the US for higher studies(to different universities), i constantly had that “missing-her” syndrome…coz of which i used to get angry on her, yell at her,etc etc…i know i messed up the whole thing…but i love her so much that i just cant forget her n m nt able to accept the fact the she has dumped me and has moved on way far in life…i donno wats gonna happen…she’s too totally heart-broken and doesn’t want to get into any relationship with me. she has agreed to be there as a friend, but thats just to calm things down.she doesn’t call me nor does ans my calls….i want her back in my life…i feel like i m robbed off my soul….

gusman on December 31, 2008 at 12:10 am

I certainly do hate my ex girlfriend. But you can’t have real hate without love and love is always worth it, no matter what. Despite any sentimentality, however, I rather still hope she gets hit by a bus.

Garret on January 2, 2009 at 5:44 am

I have spent several years in the dating game. I have had several serious relationships over the years, each lasting at least one year or more, with the longest lasting for four. I have learned that relationships seem to be a game and a hustle for many people. Expendable commodities at best. I have been single now for some time and while at first the single life was tough it became easier over time. Now I have become so accustom to it that I refuse to change my lifestyle. I have girl friends, but i refuse to give up having the many freedoms I have by committing to a relationship. If you are comfortable with yourself and you are independent and self-sufficient then being in a relationship is simply a choice. You do have the power to say no if you wish. And I’ve said no many times now that it has become so much easier than saying yes. There is one thing that has become certain for me, and that is that staying single keeps you protected from having to experience the heartache of breakups. If you’re like me and you don’t handle breakups well emotionally then staying single might save you the agony. It is a choice like any other. The unwritten part of all of this is that there are some of us out there who have no desire to be married or have children and what not, so having a committed relationship becomes unnecessary. I consider my staying single an act of consideration for women. Why would a woman get involved with a guy knowing that there’s no future in the relationship? At least I’m honest and I try to convey this up front so as not to waste a woman’s time. And of course, as I said, I save myself the agony later when the relationship ends

Leigh on January 2, 2009 at 8:54 pm

I agree with many of the comments above. I was dumped by my girlfriend of 14 years for a much older guy. At first I doubted myself and thought I was a loser. But over the last two years I focused on helping others and got heavily involved in a charity helping kids with cancer. It takes your mind off your own problems but only temporarily because sooner or later you have to deal with your emotional issues. But time healed some of the wounds and I became a much better person for the experience. I have refined every part of my life and gathered new friends and got fit and healthy in every way. My challenge now is to not fall into the trap of thinking about my ex. I see her around town and she tries to make eye contact but I ignore her for my own emotional safety. I want to stay strong for myself and the poeple who rely on me. And if I had my time over I would do it all over again. That’s the funny thing…she’s not worth it and I now realise this. There are much better girls out there and I have just met one and she is everything my ex was and more. I hope this helps anyone who reads this.

Masterfiend on January 12, 2009 at 1:37 am

Usually, with girls who dump guys, they’ve been thinking about it for awhile, and have made up their minds well in advance from the actual “break up”.

Girls also cope differently. In order to fill the empty space in their heart, they usually jump right into a new relationship, often with the guy that you “suspected” she had a thing with. Like an emotional affair… The guy waiting in the wings.

Guys usually go through a period of shock, mourning, acceptance, and then a period of self-improvement to get back into the “game”. Usually they don’t want to get right back into another relationship as they always compare the new girl with the old… until they work things out.

This is when they figure out that the well has not run dry, you just need to give it some pumping.

We are both in our 50s and its not any easier to find someone or break up with him/her. One weekend we went out in our little town and ran into his ex-girlfriend, who I saw for the first time. He had not seen or talked to her in over a year and they had been broken up for over 2 years. It was weird and I mostly ignored her. Then we went back to that same restaurant/bar over the weekend and who shows up again? The ex with her boyfriend. I suggested we leave as I was very uncomfortable in a place that had her photo in it – it was like its her territory and I thought it would be better if we left.

I found out later that my boyfriend had emailed her after the first time we ran into her. And he had proceeded to ask her to some golf events, without my knowledge. He knows that I don’t share, not even golf, and he also feels the same way, we don’t cross any lines. So for him to do this was a total betrayal of me and my feelings.

I left him a nasty message and packed up my things and left. Don’t men in their 50′s know better than to contact the ex for social reasons? What a jerk. I don’t hate him that much because I doubt I ever let myself love him that much, but I still let him have it for betraying me. And he had just met my son for the first time last week. Now I really feel like a loser. UGH!

I just break up with my ex bf yesterday. i try to end our relationship in a peaceful way. At least, I do consider we can still be friend. but, he make it difficult. finally, he end up with hating me. Now he hate me! just few minutes before he said he love me but in a second he completely hate me. but still, in my own opinion everyone will have different way on handling break up depends on situation and cause of event. if guy dumped a girl, for sure they will handle it better than that girl and the same goes for the opposite. just seriously, for me there is no need of hate feelings occur. everything happen for reasons right? just think of it and try to accept it and i do agree with “the lesson”.

Women fall faster, men fall deeper… the same is true in breaking up, women can walk away quicker and it takes men longer to get over a love. To the author, if you have never looked back and never given a guy a 2nd thought I would define you as a shallow narcissist and plainly state you will be incapble of of true love until you have had your heart broken.