I remember about, mmm, end of '06 beginning '07 I was having so much trouble sleeping, and I was drinking at night to go to sleep (alcohol being what it is, it did not keep me soundly sleeping through the night so I started taking "PMs" which I was subsequently told by a doctor could be deadly). I sought the assistance of a doctor for the sleep issue. I was very honest with him that I was drinking to sleep. At the time I did not think I was an alcoholic. This guy was astute enough to see it. He didn't actually tell me he thought I was an alcoholic. He would not give me anything potentially "habit-forming." He made one other comment basically telling me he wanted to see me stop the drinking, so I said, well, okay. No biggie. I stopped drinking my wine very nigth for 30 days and it was the longest 30 days! I honestly thought at the time, "I don't know how much longer I want to refrain from having my nightly wine."

Point is, the last 60 days haven't been so hard. I'm so glad because I remember feeling very disturbed during that period when I felt "uncomfortable" without alcohol. I don't feel disturbed now.

I just remembered this. I not-to-infrequently do this mental dance with myself where I start wondering whether I really am an alcoholic in need of AA. It was good to remember this.

There goes that mean ol' Dallas talking about having to "work" again! I thought that sobriety was something that "falls out of the sky" and hits me on the head. What a shame it was to find out:

"Faith without works was dead"

That's what it says in the book. It also says this:

"For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead. If he did not work, he would surely drink again, and if he drank, he would surely die. Then faith would be dead indeed."

For me, Grace was the opportunity God, as I understand Him, gave me to change. He gave me the power to raise up my head and ask Him to relieve me of my alcoholism. He gave me a moment of clarity in the dense fog of alcohol addiction to see that there is a solution, a way out. If I wanted to get out of this mess known as alcoholism, I needed to take certain steps which are always based on me taking constructive action.

The path to find a Higher Power and a spiritual way of life is a path of self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action. The 12 steps worked the best for me because after I did the work, I was given a "spiritual awakening" which transformed me into a different man - a man who no longer needs to pick up a drink to cope with life, or those "certain trials and low spots that lie ahead.

Action. We have a spiritual program of action - a design for living that really works.

Dallas wrote: But, it only materializes for those that work for it. Yep. It's just like anything else in this life that's worth having... there is a price to it and there is work to be done to get it.

Ya know...I was on the phone earlier today and I had a conversation similar to this. I really, REALLY have a lot of things that I want in my life, and I cant get them...at least not in the way that I want...until I WORK for them. I have steps to do...I have steps to take, to make a part of my life. And you can bet, once I get through them...I will have 'paid the price' for my reward. But all the rewards I want...I would do anything in the world for....so I guess its not really paying a price. Its a part of a great life.

Dallas wrote:But, it gets to a place that it doesn't seem like work after awhile. It seems like fun. So, I guess we end up doing a lot of funning for it too! (Yes. that's I word! I just invented it!)

Susan...I will have 30 days on Friday...I look forward to 60! You are an inspiration. Thank you for all your sharing. I appreciate you.

I love you
Heather

Hey...im all for funning...is it possible to have to much funning? I hope not! Cause I want a lifetime of full of funning!