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Man stuff

A post at angelswin.com this morning got me thinking about what it means to be a man. Somebody tried to say that a man channel surfs, which was an excuse for watching MSNBC. Hmm, OK. Definitions vary widely from person to person but, let’s face it, the only one that matters is mine. Herewith, to stave off any further confusion, are the things that a man does and what a man is.

– A man doesn’t channel surf. He checks the guide, finds what he wants to watch, and watches it. Also, he doesn’t give a fuck if anybody else thinks he’s less of a man for watching whatever it is he is watching; he’s confident in his choice and enjoying himself. There is nothing manly about meandering through the channels trying to find something that you like. A real man is decisive.

– A man is confident in his views, but will listen to other views and not denigrate them just because they aren’t his. He will, however, denigrate them if they are idiotic – Mormons, I’m looking at you. A man also realizes that viewpoints change as people age and acquire experience, so he isn’t locked in to a particular viewpoint.

– In the boudoir – yes, a man uses that word – a man makes sure a woman is pleased. Not always first, but just like a UPS delivery it will eventually get there. There are exceptions to this rule, of course – certain occasions will occur when one party or the other doesn’t get to the promised destination. When that happens, a man will remember it and ensure that the ride goes all the way the next time.

– Also in the boudoir, men don’t speak euphemistically like that, they use more direct language. A man knows when it is time to drop the fluffy language and does so accordingly.

– A man always takes the side of danger when walking with a woman or child. That means that he will be on the side closest to traffic. If this doesn’t happen instinctually for you, you need to work on it.

– A man is confident in his relationship with a woman and allows her the freedom to do what she wishes. If that confidence is betrayed, then the man moves on. He may try to fuck that woman’s sister as revenge, which I don’t necessarily condone (that would just through gas on a roaring fire of potential problems and anger), but hey, I never said man is perfect.

– If a man sires a child, he ensures that the child is taken care of no matter what happens between him and the mother of the child. A man understands responsibility, and doesn’t want his legacy to the world to be a dicked-up child who turns into an even-more-dicked-up adult. Also, a man never ever uses the phrase “baby mama” in reference to the woman he knocked up. Ever.

– A man knows there are times to dress up and is ready for them. When it isn’t those times, he still dresses at least decent. The exception is when doing yard or vehicle work, at which time anything goes. It almost goes without saying that a man does indeed know at least the basics of yard and vehicle maintenance, and if he doesn’t he educates himself on them when the time comes. It is perfectly acceptable to have other, more skilled people do that kind of work when it is beyond the scope of a man’s ability, but he should at least know what is going on so he doesn’t get duped.

– A man knows about and practices at least a little chivalry and respect. He opens the door to let the women and children in first, and he refers to people respectfully even when he doesn’t know them. If he does know them and knows they aren’t worthy of respect, he will drop those markers but will do so with at least some grace.

There are many more, but you get the gist. Be a man and figure them out on your own.