For the life of me, I cannot understand the necessity of bathroom attendants.

The purpose of having a chaperone inside the bathroom of upscale restaurants and nightclubs has never made any sense to me, and in fact, I have an active dislike for the entire situation. I am a grown man. I do not need another grown man to turn on the water faucet, offer me a mint or give me a paper towel to dry my hands.

I have been performing these basic grooming machinations for many, many years. Alone.

The bathroom should be a sanctuary. A private place where you "shake hands with the unemployed" or commit other acts which are best witnessed by as few other human beings as possible. It is not an ideal place for loose chatter under the watchful eye of a paid interloper.

This bizarrely artificial co-habitation situation cannot be any better from the attendant's perspective.

It seems like a poor career choice to have your office be a bathroom. For most people, the bathroom is a stopover from the office, a temporary escape from board rooms or cubes or mahogany desks, but for the attendant, the bathroom itself represents his entire world.

This cannot be a good thing.

It goes against the natural order, and I'm surprised I've never read nor heard about bathroom attendants starting to piss in inappropriate places like hallways, bars or potted plants - just for a change of scenery. Why not? I know I would feel justified if I spent my days and nights standing inside a men's room.

The solution seems simple to me: Do away with bathroom attendants entirely.

This would enhance my dining and clubbing experiences enormously, it would allow the attendants to find better employment the pervasive smell of urine and the only losers in this scenario would be those sleazy bastards who are too lazy to wash their own hands or enjoy blaming their own farting on others.

Since my stripping days ended, I never have a spare $1 to drop in the prominently placed tip jar, so I feel guilty taking advantage of all the free shiz. Yeah, guilty even though I paid $12 for this watery vodka tonic.

Heff - Ha. Yes, I believe that would place you firmly in the pro category as that is a dicey situation otherwise.

Kismetic - It's nice when you pay top dollar for diluted drinks, and then you pay again to get rid of the drinks in the bathroom. The other morale is that stripping - at least on a part-time basis -would be helpful for tip money.

Anonymous Boxer - Ha. That's true, but it's still like giving a bank robber a key to the bank. Trouble will ensue.

Miss Ash - That's just another by-product, so to speak, of this poorly designed system. Nobody should be subjected to that, and this is easily solved. I'm w/ you on the water, but where do you wipe your hands if they don't give you a towel

the only place I understand having them is in clubs when you are too wasted to make anything out and they can help you find your way. The macabre of beauty products they offer are very scary though. beyond that, you'll have to ask Larry Craig or George Michael.

The bathroom attendant is a level of swankiness I have never encountered. I don't know if it's not Canadian or if I'm just trailer trash but... ok, I'm trailer trash. Still, it bothers me that it might be something I could run into. You have my full support

There was a club I used to frequent and the bathroom was like the hottest spot of the club. There was a woman that was there every single week and being as though the bathroom was huge she was able to spread out a variety of products. Like hair products and candy. She even had hair culers and blow dryers plugged up. Once I split my pants (because I have been known to drop it like it's hot) Anyway. I went into the stall took off my pants, gave them to her and she sewed them back up for me. Good as new! She was the best and every woman that frequented that club loved her to death. If ever you needed something she had it.

Vivavavoom - I almost forgot about George Michael into the bathroom mix. Ha. But I think I'd still rather staggeer into a toilet and fall down alone versus having a stranger grab me. I could be wrong.

Getoffmylawn - It's definitely a good thing that you've never encountered this phenomenon, and let's hope you never do. Luckily, it's not everywhere, but one time is one time too many in my book.

Trina - OK. I will admit that you were definitely helped out by the attendant as that's pretty damn helpful when you split your pants. Ha. Obviously, you were having a good time & it's even better it didn't have to stop.