At least Eugenie dresses moderately, doesn’t have crazy eyes, and knows to keep her mouth shut. Princess Beatrice, on the other hand, is dressed in an apron (as befits a redheaded stepchild). Can’t she afford a stylist? I don’t understand!

The women of Hollywood are in an arms race, ladies and gentlemen, and deadly-tall high heels are the weapons of choice. I’m loving it. First of all, they look sexy as HELL. Second of all, how much FUN it is to watch all these ridiculously rich, gorgeous, famous celebrities teeter around in ever more ridiculous footwear?

First, Gwyneth hit the Iron Man promotional world tour in like 12 pairs of ridiculous stilettos. There were a few of the best:

Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham, and her husband of nine years – international soccer star David Beckham, launched their matching new perfumes today at the Macy’s at Herald Square (NYC). There was such a clamor to see them at the Beckham Signature Perfume launch that the crowds apparently stopped traffic. One look at Posh, though, and you’ll understand why:

Um...HOW IS SHE STANDING UP?

Here’s a closer look at the madness that is Posh:

I wonder how many burly, muscle-bound, dextrous men it took her to get into those boots. They are UNREASONABLY tight.

But hot. It’s true.

The boots were designed by English-Italian designer Berardi, a long-time friend of the Beckhams who also made their post-wedding outfits nine years ago. The 40-year old fashionista says that while the women are often daunted at first, they walk out feeling like they’re wearing a normal (well, normal 5 & 1/2″) high-heeled shoe. Says Berardi, “They’re perfectly balanced”.