[[Ad for a phone, with several factoids positioned around a picture of the device]]
((factoids listed here starting clockwise from the top))
-Runs custom blend of Android and iOS
-Simulates alternative speed of light (default: 100 miles per hour) and adjusts clock as phone accelerates
-Wireless
-Accelerometer detects when phone is in freefall and makes it scream
-When exposed to light, phone says "hi!"
-FlightAware partnership: makes airplane noise when flights pass overhead
-Realistic case
-Clear screen
-Side-facing camera
Introducing the XKCD Phone -- Your mobile world just went digital®
{{Title text: Presented in partnership with Qualcomm, Craigslist, Whirlpool, Hostess, LifeStyles, and the US Chamber of Commerce. Manufactured on equipment which also processes peanuts. Price includes 2-year Knicks contract. Phone may extinguish nearby birthday candles. If phone ships with Siri, return immediately; do not speak to her and ignore any instructions she gives. Do not remove lead casing. Phone may attract
trap insects; this is normal. Volume adjustable (requires root). If you experience sudden tingling, nausea, or vomiting, perform a factory reset immediately. Do not submerge in water; phone will drown. Exterior may be frictionless. Prolonged use can cause mood swings, short-term memory loss, and seizures. Avert eyes while replacing battery. Under certain circumstances, wireless transmitter may control God.}}

Warning: this comic occasionally contains strong language (which may be unsuitable for children), unusual humor (which may be unsuitable for adults), and advanced mathematics (which may be unsuitable for liberal-arts majors).

BTC 1FhCLQK2ZXtCUQDtG98p6fVH7S6mxAsEeyWe did not invent the algorithm. The algorithm consistently finds Jesus. The algorithm killed Jeeves. The algorithm is banned in China. The algorithm is from Jersey. The algorithm constantly finds Jesus.This is not the algorithm. This is close.