knew it was bad. i’ve insulated myself from a good portion of the popular discussion topics amongst philadelphians, as i feel like i can’t discuss those items comfortably outside of the circle of ppl i run with. but i watched the news yesterday for the first time in weeks, and . . . it really hit me. hard. i was kinda amazed. rather shocked. completely flabbergasted. 110 murders? yesterday’s victim was a woman whose brother-in-law ran up to her & shot her in front of her child. marvae dunn, i hope the cops catch you & beat the shit out of you before you make it to central booking. i don’t care what that woman did. it didn’t deserve a bullet. i’m certain of that. no way did it need to go down like that. i’m not sure what to say or do anymore.

i pray a lot.i worry a lot, in general.

btwn asia, san-dee & latoiya, i was already beyond feeling comfortable. i felt like the other shoe could drop at any time. it could be someone closer. there was shannon, my supervisor’s niece by marriage; her boyfriend killed her & then himself as she left to pick their sons up from day care. it was like, “okay. don’t get too excited about dating these lil knucklehead ass dudes. they don’t value life.” i got that. i’ve been good on that for the most part. but. but. i can’t even go to a vigil if i wanna, cuz motherfuckers wanna shoot there, too. it’s wrong. nobody wants to talk until & unless it’s one of their own. that shit is crazy.

it’s enough to keep me focused on leaving this country. fuck leaving philly. i love this city but i cannot sit around and watch folks die here.

may all those who’ve passed have an easy, swift transition, & be remembered by their families. ashe.