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The 38th Annual Razzie Nominations (And My Thoughts)

The Razzies shouldn’t be taken seriously. I think even the people behind The Razzies would agree with me. Their website is a disastrous mess and their category nominations are extremely non-thorough.

Anyway, I’ll just let you know all of the nominations and my thoughts. I would link you to their website’s list like last year, but honestly, I couldn’t find their nominations page, and their website kept crashing because The Razzies is a crappy organization.

If it sounds like I’m irritated, I am. I don’t have any personal beef with the group themselves, but just by eyeing all of their nominations, it is obvious that they don’t do their homework. They just try to pick high-profile “bad” movies so that more people might notice them.

WORST PICTURE

So actually, these nominations are acceptable. I have not seen Fifty Shades (because it’s human refuse), and I have not seen Baywatch (because Dwayne Johnson made that movie for the fans, so I wasn’t allowed in).

As much as I hate Transformers: The Last Knight, it really only treads territory already explored.

I don’t think The Mummy deserves it, but a compelling argument could be made considering how much it destroyed the cinematic universe it was supposed to lay the foundation for.

The Emoji Movie, in my opinion, should be a shoe-in for worst picture. It is baffling just how much that film missed the mark.

That said, if Fifty Shades Darker is as bad as everyone is saying it is, then maybe they should get the nomination.

WORST ACTRESS

Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t deserve to be on this list. I know it, you know it, everyone knows it. The only people who hate the movie hate it because of the squeamish material and the constant symbolism. All the people who didn’t care for the film agree that mother! doesn’t deserve any “worst” nominations.

Anyway, the only other performance I saw on this list is Emma Watson in The Circle, and boy oh boy, was she bad.

Also, Tyler Perry is a man. But if he wins a Razzie, and that discourages him from doing Madea films again, then I’m… not opposed.

I don’t know why everyone in Hollywood seems to hate Katherine Heigl (I hear she’s hard to work with, but maybe some Harvey Weinsteins really just shut her down because she wasn’t down with the little Hollywood secret). Either way, I didn’t see Unforgettable.

And part of me wants to give it to Dakota Johnson, but she gets spanked solely for the entertainment of middle-aged women, so maybe we should cut her some slack.

I’d say give it to Emma Watson. She was particularly terrible throughout all of 2017, so she would definitely deserve it.

I would bet any money that Zac Efron wasn’t the problem with Baywatch. That said, I didn’t see it, so I wouldn’t know.

I didn’t hate the new Pirates movie, but there is something to be said about just how much worse Johnny Depp keeps getting at playing Jack Sparrow with every movie. You can tell the man is tired of playing him.

Laura Haddock was little more than a sexy prop, but that’s not really her fault. It’s not like Michael Bay gave her much to work with.

Goldie Hawn was the best thing about Snatched… in that she was the only thing I didn’t hate. So I say don’t give it to her.

Also, Susan Sarandon in A Bad Mom’s Christmas? Why Susan Sarandon? It’s not like she did well, but she was at least better than Christine Baranski and especially better than Cheryl Hines. Hines was cinematic cancer. Sarandon is just on the list because she’s the most well known.
This is a garbage list, and I really can’t pick one that should “win”.

WORST SCREEN COMBO

Any Combination of Two Characters, Two Sex Toys or Two Sexual Positions (Fifty Shades Darker)
Any Combination of Two Humans, Two Robots or Two Explosions (Transformers: The Last Knight)
Any Two Obnoxious Emojis (The Emoji Movie)
Johnny Depp & His Worn Out Drunk Routine (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales)
Tyler Perry & Either The Ratty Old Dress or Worn Out Wig (Boo 2!: A Madea Halloween)

I don’t really like this category.

Anyway, it’s a toss up between The Emoji Movie and Transformers.

Yes, The Emoji Movie is, in my opinion, objectively worse than Transformers, but when you think about the fact that some of these Transformers were voiced by John Goodman and Steve Buscemi… I mean it really just eats away your soul.

As for James Foley and Anthony Leonidis, it’s not like they were given great material to work with.

Michael Bay, however… I mean you got to admit, it’s hard to take a beloved franchise like Transformers, and then make sequel after sequel that somehow get progressively worse. How do you even accomplish this without being insanely inept?

On the other hand, Alex Kurtzman’s direction led the Dark World Cinematic Universe into utter ruin.

Eh.

WORST SCREENPLAY

Basically, all of these nomination lists were “Fifty Shades, The Mummy, Transformers, Two Other movies”. It really just shows how lazy The Razzies are. Where are any mentions of Wish Upon? or The Shack? or The Bye Bye Man?

And what about My Little Pony…. oh God… sorry, flashbacks. I’m going to need to sit down for a second.

Matthew Vaughan ruined Kingsman with its sequel, and there’s no mention of him because The Razzies need to stroke their Darren Aronofsky hate boner.

I don’t think he deserves to “win”, but Rian Johnson mishandled The Last Jedi significantly more than Aronofsky mishandled mother!.

Also, no mention of Beauty and the Beast? The film was a factory product with some of the most boring performances by esteemed actors and actresses. And it was spearheaded by the guy who gave us two of the five Twilight movies.

Anyway, that’s all my thoughts on these stupid nominations.

That’s it.

Again, I don’t think The Razzies should be taken seriously. But it’s not for the reason most people claim: that it’s bad to be mean to movies. So what?

My point is, if you’re going throw shade at films, and your award show is as crappy as the movies you’re throwing shade at, then I don’t see the point in it.