Mark Wahlberg brought his NAWT YOU NAWT YOU NAWT YOU Southie shtick overseas last night, to BBC’s The Graham Norton Show, where he was visibly drunk, flirted with Sarah Silverman, and challenged Michael Fassbender to a “big d*ck contest.” Sorry, ladies, no d*cks, big or otherwise, were whipped out; the competition was about voice actor work, which Fassbender owned at. Of course HE knows how to convincingly imitate a silencer.

He revealed he will be showing up to the Oscars with his cuddly yet inappropriate co-star Ted and will have to ‘try and extinguish the fires.’ But it seems Mark Wahlberg may want to put his own out first after the actor appeared on The Graham Norton Show rather worse for wear as it aired on Friday evening.

The star’s behaviour prompted Twitter users to question his sobriety as he sat on the chat show host’s lap and played with his nipples, as well as getting rather frisky with his fellow guest Sarah Silverman. (Via)

He also told a wonderful anecdote about his son punching the Rock in the nuts. Some people are mad at Wahlberg for loudly talking over Silverman and Fassbender, but I, personally, wished he had been even more drunk. Silverman and Fassbender, too. I’d pay good money to watch the three of them have sex while eating I Heart Beef Chuckabees sandwiches from Wahlburgers and dirty talking the ways they would have stopped acts of terrorism.

A) Please don’t ever refer to the Daily Mail as “the British Press” again. It is to the British press in general as Westboro Baptist Church is to Christianity.

B) I’d happily watch Fassbender and Silverman have sex (I think Fassbender would be vigorous, yet tender, while Silverman would be aggressive and very inventive… it’s a good combo, and I have already thought about this far more than is healthy), but leave Wahlberg out of it.

I actually wonder if everyone knowing about #3 works against him sometimes? I’m sure there are a few ladies out there who have said “I want to go home with Michael Fassbender, but I don’t want to be walking around in pain for the next 48 hours.

Best Graham Norton Show on the current run and there have been other good ones too, but this was by far the best. I loved how Drunk Marky Mark made the poor girl from Dublin endure the chair three times before she told her really lame story. Why no other guest has tried that before, I don’t know.