Early last year I was in a happy relationship with someone who I felt safe with. Like Natasha, he wanted more.

We had kissed before but I was always shy, even as a child. Being 15 when it happened I was still shy with a few anxieties etc.
He came round to my house one day and he hadn't been round since before I decorated my bedroom, so I showed him what it looked like now. We lay on the bed together and I was talking to him about some recent stuff in my life, like normal. Then he started moving on top of me and being quite forceful. I told him I wasn't in the mood to mess around but he carried on despite the fact he was 16 and I was only 15 and I'd said no.

I lost my virginity that day. I spent weeks crying, unable to come to terms with what happened. I spoke to my doctor about getting myself checked for STIs and he'd given me chlamydia. When I signed up for private counselling I spoke to my counsellor about what happened and it was only then I realised he'd raped me.

Needless to say I never saw him again after he took my virgnity.

I only told my mum after I tried (and failed) to kill myself. I told her why I wanted to die. I've been diagnosed with bipolar, emotionally unstable personality disorder and PTSD.

That guy ruined my life. He stole what little innocence I had left.

I'm learning to live with what has happened to me; a year later and I'm doing okay. I still think about what he did to me because it's something I'll never forget. It has ruined 2 relationships since then - mine and his not included. I'm terrified of this happening to me again but sharing what happened to me to my family has helped me so much. Since then, my older brother has started petitions against rape, raising awareness, raising money for charities etc.

It's the little things in life that help you get through every day. It will forever be difficult for me to be in a stable relationship, I know, but talking to someone, mostly my family, about what I went through helped me in so many ways.

I want to tell any and all rape / sexual assault victims that they aren't alone. This sight has made me realise this.

As a survivor, I will continue to work with my brother to help raise awareness for rape and sexual assault. It is disgusting, it is abuse, and it shouldn't happen to anyone.

this advert is good. its like the male whats sex and doesnt know he is trying to rape.

i lived with a man who thinks maried life is all about having sex.

after he sexualy assulted me he told eveyone eveythink he even wanted to take porn pictures and make porn video.

as a vitim of sexual assult and abuse porn should be against the law he see the videos on the internet and pictures in magzines. he wanted me to be one of them i dont want to be seen like that its just not right

We are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past. We think it is important that even though this may have happened some time ago, that you should try to speak to someone about this if you can.

It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. When someone makes you do something you do not want to do, it means you are not consenting and it is rape. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. It is also never OK to make someone feel bad if they don't want to have sex as this is a form of emotional abuse.

Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this. You always have the right to withhold consent from sex, sexual activity or taking part in pornographic photos and videos.

Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

31/12/2012

Natasha

28/12/2012

A couple of months ago, I was in a happy relationship, it was steady, but he wanted more.

One day we went into my bedroom to watch a scary film , and we lay down on the bed with the film on.

After this,he lay on top of me, and started kissing me< i agreed this was okay, but then he tried to undo my trouser button, i kept telling him no, but he didn't listen.

My parents walked in, and they were devastated.

He did it another time too. we were taking a romantic walk through the woods, and he shoved me against a tree and did the same thing, only this time he undid my button and was touching me.

Is it my fault i wasn't strong enough to fight him off? I remember this every time I'm in a relationship, it scares me. but i'm learning to live with it.

Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable.

Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.
You were being put under pressure to have sex when you didn’t want it.

Try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

28/12/2012

natasha

28/12/2012

I think rape is disgusting, and people who do that should be put away for life, as that s taking away somebodies confidence and self esteem.

My mum's had a past experience with something like that.it's horrible and I hate abuse too.

It does not matter if you are in a relationship with someone or if they are a stranger. Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

It’s good that you were comfortable and ready to lose your virginity to your boyfriend. However, you always have the right to withhold consent; you shouldn't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with. It also does not matter if you start out by saying yes and then change your mind, or if you feel like you have 'given in'. If your boyfriend cares about you, he will understand your feelings and will not make you feel bad about it.

You may find it helps to talk to someone about it that you trust. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with.

It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust. If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

28/12/2012

Jeff

28/12/2012

The "If you could see yourself" Tv ad.

Can see where its coming from and agree with the intent of the ad, but the victim says one line and nothing more?

Surely you should be promoting the fact you have a right to say no, maybe a tiny bit louder than she does in the ad? And more than once?

Feel the ad isn't quite promoting a message that both parties have a right not to do anything they don't want to than it could be

We know that young people can be confused about what constitutes consent.

The point of this advert is to show that someone doesn't have to say the word 'NO' to withhold their permission, there are lots of ways they might say they don't want to do something or have sex.

Sometimes people might find it hard to say anything at all if they don't want to have sex, particularly if they feel under threat or are being coerced to have sex as in the scenario shown in the TV ad. So it’s important that people look out for other signs that their partner might not be comfortable and might not be giving their consent.

Thanks.

08/01/2013

n o n a m e

27/12/2012

erm, i was young and a boy asked me if i had a bf and i said no when i did but he put me on the bed and pinned me down and hurt my wrists and when i said let me go he was just saying kiss me first he kept hurting me.

I tried to get away but he said no kiss me after a while i did on the cheek but then he kept kissing me but i kept my lips closed but he said do it so i did and then i ran, i have only ever told 3 friends in a truth thing but they didnt understand, he's kind of family and it awkward when we meet as i dont think he remembers but i cant forget...

Thanks for getting in touch, we are sorry that you have had a bad experience with someone close to your family.

Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.
You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

28/12/2012

rajeev

27/12/2012

I feel the abuse advert on tv is helpful in raising awareness of such incidents, but as someone who suffered months and months of abuse from someone, every time i see this advert it reminds me of everything that happens and makes it harder for me to move on from my past and what has happened. as i said i understand that this is to help people suffering but at the same time it is very distressing for someone in my situation.

Thank you for your feedback, we are sorry to hear about this traumatic incident from your past
and sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing.

We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, particularly for someone who has been a victim of rape.

The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also researched with young people prior to being made. Working with those charities, we did consider that the advert may be distressing to some victims of rape, however, our research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with. Our objective for this campaign is to ensure that we improve understanding of consent among young people – in order that we prevent future cases of rape and encourage people who have experienced this to get help. I hope you understand that we need to tackle these issues in order to help people realise that this behaviour isn’t acceptable and signpost them to places they can get help.

The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem, however, we also appreciate that this may mean that victims of rape may see the advert and find it distressing. If you would find it useful we can send you a copy of the media schedule, please post again and leave your email address so that we can follow this up with you.

We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape. It is also helping people who have been victims of rape, in very similar circumstances to the scene in the advert, recognise for the first time that they were raped and then go on to seek help and support they need.

We are truly sorry to hear of your distress and hope you understand why we have made the advert. If you need advice, you can call Rape Crisis (0808 802 9999 - 12 - 2.30pm and 7 - 9.30pm) who can offer support whether you’ve just experienced something or you are having difficulties about something that has happened in the past. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

27/12/2012

Roseleigh

27/12/2012

Hi I'm finding this website very useful but I need some advice.My boyfriend has been trying to feel me, I keep hinting that I don't want it but I just feel harsh and Fridgid.

I feel really skanky doing that in public places but I cannot help it it just happens. When we've been kissing he's moved my hand onto his penis but on his jeans but when I move it away he just puts it back. What should I do ?

Thank you for contacting us, we are sorry to hear that you are having problems with your boyfriend.

Being forced or pressured to have sex or take part in sexual activity that you don’t feel comfortable with is unacceptable. Understand that this was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

If you are being put under pressure to have sex when you don’t want to try and find someone you trust to talk to. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

If you have been sexually assaulted you can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers who can help. You can contact the police immediately by dialling 999.

27/12/2012

Chloe

26/12/2012

I feel the abuse advert on tv is helpful in raising awareness of such incidents, but as someone who suffered months and months of abuse from someone, every time i see this advert it reminds me of everything that happens and makes it harder for me to move on from my past and what has happened. as i said i understand that this is to help people suffering but at the same time it is very distressing for someone in my situation.

Chloe, we are sorry to hear that you find the advert distressing after your own experience.

We do realise that this is an extremely sensitive subject. We also realise that the advert is confrontational and difficult to watch, this is because it’s a very real representation of a very real problem as we are sure you are aware.

Research shows that there are large numbers of teenagers (both male and female) who view this sort of behaviour as normal and/or just something that you put up with.

Our objective for this campaign is to improve understanding of what is and isn’t acceptable sexual behaviour, thereby helping people to recognise and name sexual abuse and rape as such.

The advert was developed with the help of several charities who work with people who have been affected by this issue and was also extensively researched with young people prior to being made.

The reason for it being shown on national television is an attempt to reach as many people as possible, creating national awareness of a national problem. We have already seen, in the response to the advert on this website, that it is proving helpful in enabling young people to rethink their attitudes towards rape.

We are truly sorry to hear of your distress and hope you are in a better position following your ordeal. Nevertheless, we hope that you can appreciate the need to address this very serious issue.

26/12/2012

James

24/12/2012

One of my female friends was raped earlier today, she asked me not to tell anyone.

I can keep secrets but not this one, I know she'll be upset with me but this is for her own good really...

Could I please have some advice on how to ask her to tell the police or others?

Thank you for your enquiry concerning your friend
and the ordeal she has unfortunately experienced.

Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help her understand that this was not her fault and there was nothing she could have done to prevent this.

It is important to listen to your friend and be there for her as she will be upset about what has happened. Having a friend like you will be a huge help to her as well as a great source of comfort. Be patient and slowly encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

24/12/2012

Anon15

24/12/2012

Ok so this is what happened my boyfriend and i were at his house and he is usually really responsible like me so his mom trusted us alone for like two days. i spent the night because he's leaving to a vacation to utah soon so i wanted to hang out with him.

so we were upstairs in his room watching tv and he asked me if i was a virgin and i told him that i was so he asked if i wanted to be and i told him yeah i did and why he cared he said cause he is and he doesn't want to be but he only doesn't want to be with me. so i said i felt uncomfertable talking about it and if we could change the subject so he said sure.

then when we were upstairs his friends came over and their both boys by the way so we were upstairs and they started sitting all close and i asked them to scoot away so they did then we'll just call him marco told me if i wanted to play truth or dare so i said maybe later.

So then marco(not real names) told me to take my shirt off and i told him no then my bf and lets call him adrian told me i should just take it off. then my bf said while your at it take off your pants and bra and underwear and i told him i think i want to go home and they said i have to stay.

then marco got up and locked the door and put a chair in front of it then they turned the tv up really loud. then they started taking off my clothes and i tried to stop them but they were all like 2 years older than me so it was like nothing i could do.

then i tried to run away but my bf and adrian pulled me back on the bed then adrian told me "this will hurt less if you don't struggle oh and if you scream i'll make this hurt more" then he put a bandana over my mouth. and he did things to me and he raped me for like two hours

then my bf said i want a turn so he raped me but my boyfriend didnt just use his thing he used other stuff then he raped me for a while. then marco raped me too.

then adrian put a blindfold on me and told some guy to come in and he told the guy that he can rape me if he wants and the guy said yes so he raped me and that guy raped me for along time. once the guy got off of me and shut the door they took the blindfold off and told me to keep the bandana on my mouth so i did nt scream.

then he told me my mom was coming to get me in a few hours so to go get myself together. so i did and when my mom came over he told me if i tell her he will do that all to me again except next time it will be worse so i havent told her yet. i dont know if i should tell her i am scared he will find out then he will rape me again so i am kinda scared i am 15 and my bf is 17

We realise it must have been difficult for you to share this and we’re sorry to hear about your traumatic experience. What your boyfriend and his friend did is rape and a crime. Please understand this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this.

It is understandable that you are scared to talk to your mother especially when your boyfriend has threatened you. However, it’s really important that you do speak to someone about what happened so that you can get help to be safe and also help you to move on from it.

If you don’t feel confident talking to a parent, please try another trusted person whether that’s another relative, a teacher, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.
Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

27/12/2012

Anon13

23/12/2012

These comments are so depressing and like one with the rude boys the exact thing happened to me.

One was hiding behind a locker (my boyfriend) when he jumped out and started feeling me up. Later on when i was walking home he came up behind me and started to kiss me. I pulled away and said no but he just continued and put his tongue in my mouth.

We had only been going out for a day and did not feel ready but had a tight hold and wouldn’t let go. He walked me home acting really creepy and when i got back my parents were out so he came in.

He started trying to put his hands down my pants. He dragged me up to my room and lay me on my bed i was so scared and didnt know what to do. he pinned me down and started to undress me. He had sex with me and stayed the night because my parents were stuck from the flood. At school he told everyone that it was the best night of mine and his life and kept on raping me in alleyways after this is still going on and i dont know what to do

Hi Anon13, thanks for posting and we’re sorry to hear what you are going through.

You’ve made an important first step by sharing your story on here. Please understand this was not your fault and there was nothing you could have done to prevent this. Your boyfriend’s behaviour is not acceptable; it’s rape and a crime and there is help out there for you.

Please try and find someone you trust to talk to about it. It could be a teacher, a parent or other relative, a close friend, a youth worker or anyone else that you feel comfortable with. It doesn't have to be someone in authority, just someone that you think you can talk to and that you feel comfortable with and trust.

If they don't want to listen, keep trying until you find someone that does. You have the right to be safe and help and support is out there.

You can also call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. Or you can visit www.rapecrisis.org.uk for further advice and information.

You can also speak to the police. Most police forces have specially trained police officers to help people who have been raped or sexually assaulted. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.

27/12/2012

Jazz

21/12/2012

Unfortunately my friend was recently nearly a victim of rape.

She is my best friend and she told me but told me not to tell anyone and I am finding it really hard at the moment and I needed to tell someone

I think you should tell some one she may be your best Freind
but some on has committed a crime you really need to tell some one

Anonymous - 24/12/2012

Hi Jazz,
Thank you for your post and your concern for your friend.

Being forced or pressured to have sex when someone doesn’t want to is rape and it is a crime. Speak to your friend and help them understand that this was not their fault and there was nothing they could have done to prevent this.

You should encourage your friend to call ChildLine on 0800 1111 to talk about the problem or go to www.childline.org.uk where you they can contact ChildLine by email and text, chat to a counsellor online or post to the message boards.

Alternatively you can call National Freephone Rape Crisis Helpline to talk to an advisor on 0808 802 9999, 7 days a week between 12pm – 2.30pm and 7pm – 9.30pm. If you ever feel that you are in immediate danger, call the police on 999.