Visitor’s Guide

About Us

A secret society dedicated to the restoration of the Kingdom of Poland-Lithuania, the imprisonment of Esperanto speakers, and furthering the eschatological doctrine of the Return from Occultation of the Thirteenth Imam, Val Kilmer. Seriously, what happened to that guy? He was awesome in Tombstone.

Here’s the bitter truth for you. Sure, labor unions are responsible for some of America’s most treasured work rules, like the 40 hour workweek and overtime pay. But unions have always been corrupt, violent and power-hungry organizations willing to break the law to achieve their ends.

If you’re among the 96.72% of Progressives who believe fervently that the ends always justify the means, then you’re just hunky-dory with violence in service of your cause. However, if you have a soul, you likely have some misgivings about unions’ willingness to resort to violence in the first instance.

And maybe you’re also among the 73.92% of Progressives who are too addlepated from constantly chugging the ObamaBerryPunch flavored Kool-Aid ladled out in Bloomberg-offending amounts at your local collective’s “Let’s Make A 75 Foot Latch Hook Rug Portrait of President Obama Night” to comprehend reality.

Unions always were destructive, always have been destructive and always will be destructive. In their naissance, unions destroyed crap rich white guys owned. Most Americans didn’t care about rich white guys then, and most Americans don’t care about rich white guys now. See, e.g., Mitt Romney. Why do you think uber-liberals Michael Moore and Bruce Springsteen (who also both happen to be uber-rich) spend so much of their time pretending to be lower middle class guys from crappy parts of northern New Jersey and Flint, respectively? Because Americans hate rich white men.

Americans were content at the time to let unions have their violent streak. Unions weren’t destroying anything the vast majority of Americans owned or cared about. And unions were delivering safer work conditions, more job security and better paying jobs. Americans convinced themselves that it was alright to take the unions’ benefits and look the other way while unions destroyed wealth. After all, rich white men can afford to lose a few millions of dollars if it means the little guy can afford hamburger twice a week now.

But, over time, unions ran out of rich white guys to demonize and shake down. They’ve run out of other people’s money to spread around. Regular old American Joe Lunchpails are now standing in the shoes of yesterday’s rich white men. Unions’ demands are now so costly, the rich don’t have enough money to pay for it all, so unions are after the middle class.

More notably, today’s unions have begun to destroy things that Americans cherish. Americans may be content to watch unions screw the Carnegies, the Mellons and the Rockefellers of the world, but Americans aren’t going to sit idly by when unions come for their wealth.

Any Progressives who have gotten past the Castle’s moat kraken and Barry the Manticore are surely shaking their heads in disbelief at ‘Puter’s plainly erroneous views. “YEWNYUNZ IZ NOT TEH DESTUCKTIV!1!!! YOONYNZ IZ 4 TEH LITUL GIZE!!!!!1!one!!”, they wail out from their purple veined necks through spittle-flecked lips.

Bitch and moan all you want, hippies, but it’s true. Unions ruin everything they touch.

About 'Puter

Always right, unless he isn’t, the infallible Ghettoputer F. X. Gormogons claims to be an in-law of the Volgi, although no one really believes this.’Puter carefully follows economic and financial trends, legal affairs, and serves as the Gormogons’ financial and legal advisor. He successfully defended us against a lawsuit from a liquor distributor worth hundreds of thousands of dollars in unpaid deliveries of bootleg shandies.The Geep has an IQ so high it is untestable and attempts to measure it have resulted in dangerously unstable results as well as injuries to researchers. Coincidentally, he publishes intelligence tests as a side gig.His sarcasm is so highly developed it borders on the psychic, and he is often able to insult a person even before meeting them. ’Puter enjoys hunting small game with 000 slugs and punt guns, correcting homilies in real time at Mass, and undermining unions. ’Puter likes to wear a hockey mask and carry an axe into public campgrounds, where he bursts into people’s tents and screams. As you might expect, he has been shot several times but remains completely undeterred.He assures us that his obsessive fawning over news stories involving women teachers sleeping with young students is not Freudian in any way, although he admits something similar once happened to him. Uniquely, ’Puter is unable to speak, read, or write Russian, but he is able to sing it fluently.Geep joined the order in the mid-1980s. He arrived at the Castle door with dozens of steamer trunks and an inarticulate hissing creature of astonishingly low intelligence he calls “Sleestak.” Ghettoputer appears to make his wishes known to Sleestak, although no one is sure whether this is the result of complex sign language, expert body posture reading, or simply beating Sleestak with a rubber mallet.'Puter suggests the Czar suck it.