For too long the realm of time traveling robots has been left to your Terminators, your Futuramas and occasionally your Time-cops.Â Now, in the year of our robot-lord, 2008, you too can experience the various paradoxes (paradoxi?) that robots and robotninjas alike have to face in our day-to-day lives/functions, thanks to the efforts of the good people over at Kongregate games.

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I personally use my time-travelling duplicates to intern around the robotninja office.Â Though sometimes our ego’s clash, we respect one another enough to get work done.Â Whenever problems arise, however, I am quick to dole out severe, crippling punishment to myselves, my superior orignal mind/body pit against itself in a feat of dualistic spectacle.Â Fighting against and defeating myself isn’t ever easy, but if anyone can do it, it’s me.

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And that’s where this game Chronotron can’t handle the reality of time-traveling ninjabots–in real life, I can simply slaughter any time-paradox creating ninja-droids at my leisure.Â In this simplified version of a multi-dimensional, quantum-state fluctuating robot’s life, one is bound by the actions/inactions of your past selves.Â This disgusts my robotninja sensibilities, but then again, so does nearly all of the works of man and beast.Â I therefore advise that you take my opinion of thisÂ single shortcoming of what is otherwise a fun and clever puzzle-gameÂ with a grain of the finest sand.Â Any of my other opinions taken so lightly, however, will result in the instantaneous and total annihilation of your dojo/laboratory.

Esteemed ninjamen,
In keeping with my love of dual-screen nintendo goodness, I would bring your attention to Korg’s upcoming DS title DS-10, a real-life music synthesizer and production tool. Now, the dedicated robotninja reader might say, “wait a minutaster ninja: didn’t you once poo-poo portable videogames focused on music production as offensive to your countenance?”
To this fictionalized reader, I would retort that unlike lesser music production software for your PSP’s and such, DS-10 is designed to be used by seasoned, pro-level users, without the silly accessible traits found in Traxxpad and the like. Instead, it is a dual-oscillator synth with a sixteen step sequencer, for drum sounds and synth patterns. All content is user generated, and is therefore up to par with my unreasonably high robotninja standards. Some of the features include:

power the R0b0tninjas ecosystem. I’m a big DS nerd, and I like this musical performance video game. Much like dubselector, the purpose of the game is simply to make music. The rules are simple for each mini-game, using a variety of touch-screen soft-interfaces. Makes for gooooood samplin…

Now, I know that the R0b0tninja seldom breaches the topics of Robots and pro-audio, but I must make an exception: Ninja Gaiden Sigma is the most accurate depiction of a R0b0tninja’s lifestyle that I have seen thus far. The Hagakure, the Book of Five Rings, the Tao: all of these have attempted to give a framework for the robotic pan-asiatic ninja warrior’s mindset. So far, unfortunately, none have correctly depicted our skill sets as aptly as the latest Ninja Gaiden, released for the completely ridiculous and financially unfeasible PS3 game console prefecture.

In the latest installment in a series that, like all true Robotninjas, began life as an 8-bit rendering, you play as Ryu, a ninja (and possible robot–it takes place in the future), who somehow begins his journey in ancient Japan. His village is destroyed by a black samurai (with a purple cape, so, not just black, but also clearly Black). In revenge, he explodes the black samurai’s blimp after first exploding a grotesque cyborg that shoots lightening. It gets better.

You take the time to learn ninja magic, wield multiple swords, and to use the numchucks (spelled here in their original ancient pronunciation). Infiltrating the black samurai’s block in, what I assume is some kind of ninja city, you spend most of your time killing shit, like soldiers on motorcycles with rocket-launchers. This may be the first game to make decapitation a matter of such little concern, as you literally murderate everything you come in contact with.

Gamespot gave this game a 9 overall, but I would have to give it a 999–as a ninja and robot, I am always talking to my robotninja colleagues about the lack of fair and accurate portrayals of our kind in the media. People are always going on about our deadliness and limited applications in the “real world”, where instant decapitation isn’t always an option. It’s nice to finally see some fair and balanced representation, where our sometimes inappropriate needs for vengeance and ninja-magic are finally given a chance to be understood. If you don’t mind shelling out like 500 dollars for a PS3, and then another 60 bucks for the game, by all means, see the world through my eyes, if only for a moment: you will never be disappointed.

R0b0tr0n offers exciting new careers in such fields as: multi-dimensional bomb- droppery, advanced turbonics, logistical metaphysics and diamond robotics. Come see which robots are right for you! Act now