Suicide notes

Suicide notes….I wonder what they feel or look like. Does symbolism apply to suicides?

I mean does the person writing a suicide note pick out a special piece of paper? That will be the last paper the person probably ever uses or probably one of the last except the path of death might involve the use of paper (I doubt though)….It might be written electronically too though.

Does the person check for errors? Typos? Does he/she actually tell a story or a simple “goodbye don’t cry for me will do?” does the person tell why he or she is committing suicide so as to give close friends(?) some semblance closure?

What happens in the mind in that time the person grabs pen and paper and pencils down the last thought?

If you ask me, the final thought of a person who intends to take his/her life is the most important….hell, you don’t know your first thought so the last one ought to make sense right?

Does it make the person an attention seeker to list the factors that pushed him/her? Does the person feel the compulsion to explicitly say he/she is committing suicide so as not to make murder suspect(s) of those that discover the body? Thoughts…… decisions.

How does the person select the way to go? I know some people research the type of death, some are used to pass a message which like the suicide note is a way of expression jump out of the window at work or stab yourself in the apartment jilted.

Some just prefer to go without anyone noticing them gone. I think that’s a lot better, the messy issue of dying and in front of everyone and making a public show of your death is not just so “sexy”…

Clothing….what do you wear? Do you pick out your most fancy clothes(assuming you even have any)? Or do you not care? Remember that what you wear is what people will discover you in. Do you still want to look fancy and all that vanity?

Wait, do you shave, take a bath, use perfume?

Oh Lawd, do you eat? I mean dying in a empty stomach? That’d be awful, you will never know what chicken tastes like again and fish….even jollof rice surely you must eat….even people about to be executed are allowed one last meal.How do you pick out your last meal?

Do you look at the sky for a last time? No wait, do you do it in the afternoon or night? Surely you want to look at the stars one last time and say bye, or the sun?….nah, the sun ain’t that cool to see a last time right? Or is it? I will see when the sun rises.

Do you greet your neighbors? I mean, do you smile at them or just walk on, you won’t see them again but surely that time she brought you soup when you were ill deserves a thank you and she deserves a good bye right?

What shoes do you wear? Do you go with your phone? What if you get a call or you have to relay a message?

What do you do with your social media accounts? Do you deactivate some or you just leave them? WhatsApp….oh crap, do you delete it or leave it and people send messages that can’t be replied? Do you wipe your browsing history? Do you even unlock your phone? Sounds kind of selfish not to. The phones should go to someone else but if your unlock it, they will have access to the info on it…you can delete the applications then. Do you delete the pictures you took?

Wait do you even think about all these or just do it? No, there has to be a thought process, just doing it is wrong…..Too many decisions so little time..mad rush.