If this is your first visit, be sure to
check out the FAQ by clicking the
link above. You may have to register
before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages,
select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Is it weird that I thought the battle was better with the music playing in the background? Anyway, I thought it was very exciting and gave me some tips on how to handle battles in my fics.

That's why I give a link before the battle

Originally Posted by Pokemon,master

Ash!!!!!!!!!!

LOLed here

Originally Posted by Gothitelle K

^ that was what i thought when i saw the ending. that or his friend from earlier.

Well, only one of Max's friend deserves that treatment like I did.

Originally Posted by MaidensGhost

The battle was interesting and well planned out; I can tell your getting a lot better at writing. (: I'm also assuming the boy in the end is Ash?
If so I can't wait to see what's gonna happen next.
The only errors that caught my attention were that you forgot to insert "him" in the end there, and I would probably replace "and" with "but". Those are pretty minor mistakes.

The chapter was very good with some cool attacks like Flamethrower on Manectric,use of Grovyle's ability and most importantly Mud Shot on the ground.But the only thing which surprised me was that Wattson didn't have any strategies against Ground type Pokemon even though he mentioned it.Like Manectric could have Ice Fang because that's the only SE attack against Ground types in the movepool of all his Pokemon.Anyways,I think the boy in the end was Ash but lets see.

Manectric (closes eyes and builds up electricity around it): "Tric..."

Grovyle: "Vyle!" (Strikes it into the body.)

Wattson: "Thunder!"

Manectric: “Tric!” (Unleashes a powerful bolt at Grovyle, zapping not only Grovyle. but also everything around it. Grovyle falls again.)

Grovyle (tries to stand up): "Grovyle..." (falls on the ground with spiral eyes.)

Wattson's assistant: "Grovyle is unable to battle! Manectric is the winner!"

Manectric (lets out a battle roar): "Manectric!"

Max: "You were great, return!" (Takes his third Pokeball.)

Wattson: "You are quite impressed, aren't you?"

Max: "I sure am! But the battle is far from over. Go, Marshtomp!"

Marshtomp (comes out and smiles): "Marshtomp!"

Max: "I am counting on you, pal!"

Marshtomp (nods): "Marsh."

Wattson: "A ground type, huh? Don't you think that I can cope with them?"

Max: "We'll see about that." (To Marshtomp) "Use Mud Shot!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh...tomp!" (Fires many small balls of mud into Manectric and successfully hits it.)

Manectric (shakes head to clean its' face from the Mud): "Man..."

Max: "Tackle it!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh..."

Wattson: "Manectric, use Giga Impact!"

Max (surprised): "What?"

(Manectric becomes surrounded by an orange sphere of energy and it strikes Marshtomp, sending it into the wall of the gym.)

Marshtomp (shakes): "Marsh..."

Max: "I know that it should take time to recharge, so use Water Gun!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh..." (Blasts water from its mouth) "Tomp!" (Hits Manectric at its body, but then corrects the aim and keeps blasting its attack at Manectric's face.)

Manectric (finally has power to counter): "Man!"

Wattson: "Let's finish this! Use Giga Impact once more!"

Manectric (starts running): "Man..."

Max (thinks what to do): "What should I do to stop it?" (Then suddenly brings up an idea) "Of course! Marshtomp, use Mud Shot on the ground."

Marshtomp (smiles as he understands what its trainer tries to do.): "Marsh...tomp!"

(Marshtomp fires a Mud Shot at a ground and the ground becomes muddy and Manectric slips and falls on the ground.)

Wattson: "No, Manectric!"

Max: "Now, we'll finish this! Tackle it, Marshtomp!"

(Marshtomp starts running and hits Manectric at a very high speed, pushing Manectric on several meters.)

Manectric (tries to stands up): "Man..." (Stands up.)

Max: "It still has energy to battle?"

Wattson: "My Manectric is strong! Manectric, use Flamethrower!"

Manectric: "Manectric!" (Fires flames at Marshtomp.)

Max: "Water Gun!"

Marshtomp: "Marsh!"

(Water Gun and Flamethrower collide, and, for some reason, are of equal power.)

Wattson: "Ok, use Quick Attack!"

(Manectric runs towards Marshtomp.)

Max: "Tackle!"

(The Pokemon hit and push each other. Then they look at each others' faces. Marshtomp looks at its opponent with a serious and calm look, and Manectric looks at the Mud fish Pokemon the same way. After some time, Manectric closes its eyes and falls on the ground.)

Wattson's assistant: "Manectric is unable to battle! Therefore, the winner is Max from Petalburg City!"

Max: "Yes! I did it!"

Marshtomp (falls on its back and smiles calmly): "Marsh..."

Wattson (returns Manectric): "You were great as always, return!"

Max (comes to Marshtomp and helps it to get up): "You were simply awesome, Marshtomp!"

Marshtomp (smiles): "Marsh!"

(Wattson and his assistant come closer. Wattson asks his assistant to take the badge of his bag.)

Wattson (to Max): "Max, I really liked the way you battled, thanks! And here is your well deserved prize for your truly great victory over me. Please take this Dynamo Badge!"

Max: "Thank you so much!" (Takes the yellow coloured badge that is shaped like a coiled wire.)

Wattson: "What will you do next?"

Max: "I will search for my friend!"

Wattson: "I wish you the best of luck then! And I hope your batteries won't run dry! Ahahaha!" (Laughs.)

Max: "Oh well." (Laughs as well.)

(After that Max is shown in the Pokemon Center, chatting with his parents.)

The chapter was very good with some cool attacks like Flamethrower on Manectric,use of Grovyle's ability and most importantly Mud Shot on the ground.But the only thing which surprised me was that Wattson didn't have any strategies against Ground type Pokemon even though he mentioned it.Like Manectric could have Ice Fang because that's the only SE attack against Ground types in the movepool of all his Pokemon.Anyways,I think the boy in the end was Ash but lets see.

The only mistake i noticed was:

Max: “You was awesome, Elekid, thanks!” (Returns Elekid.)

Here,was should be replaced with were.

Thanks!)I really tried to put my best in this chapter, and, frankly speaking, I think this gym battle is the best battle in my fic,
Well, Wattson had a Giga Impact that surprised both Max and Marshtomp. And this is a very powerful attack. I guess Wattson was talking about Giga Impact as the way of coping with the ground types. I corrected the mistake you mentioned, thanks for noticing it.

Originally Posted by dirkac

I like it.

Comments in BOLD.

... Ash again? It's pretty good, but doesn't Ash have things to do? And if it happens too much, it just seems like he's there for the sake of being there.

Thanks!

I corrected the mistakes

Who told you that it is Ash? And not Randy...
Annyways, I won't spoil anything

Hi, a good chapter. A satisfying finish to a very well thought battle. Good detail and description of moves. I was surprised at grovyle's endurance and i think max's battle strategy was extremely well thought through. I am pleased with the outcome and i commend you on the battle music at the start of every chapter. Good ending and am looking forward to the purpose of this 'mysterious' character.

The almighty Turtwig is my claim

3DS Friend Code: 2621-3316-5077 (Paddy)

If any one has a spare Lopunite could you PM me and we shall negotiate a trade!

Hi, a good chapter. A satisfying finish to a very well thought battle. Good detail and description of moves. I was surprised at grovyle's endurance and i think max's battle strategy was extremely well thought through. I am pleased with the outcome and i commend you on the battle music at the start of every chapter. Good ending and am looking forward to the purpose of this 'mysterious' character.

Glad you liked it Well, Grovyle's endurance was good, but not that good. Before getting down, it took only Thunder(with twice more power), but it resists it, and FlamethrowerWell, it is a good endurance without a question, but not unbeliavable)
Well, yeah,, it is the first time, when I could transform into words all that staff that I was imagining.
Thank you on commending me! All is 4 you, my dear readers.

P.S.Thank you very much for nominating me as a fic writer (and a funniest person) of the year. It was really touching and great to see me in this poll, Thank you

Nice end of the battle! I honestly thought Grovyle would lose to Electrode and Marshtomp would beat the last 2 Pokemon, but I liked it this way! Cool to see Manectric use Giga Impact I can only imagine Ash coming back now haha, nice job man!

Nice end of the battle! I honestly thought Grovyle would lose to Electrode and Marshtomp would beat the last 2 Pokemon, but I liked it this way! Cool to see Manectric use Giga Impact I can only imagine Ash coming back now haha, nice job man!

Thanks for the comment!
Okay guys, it is ASH! But I won't tell you why he is in Hoenn untill the next Chapter is out

Wattson's assistant: "Grovyle is unable to battle! Manectric is the winner!"

the assistant says this when Grovlye faints but not when Magneton faints.
That's all the faults i found so on to the positives:
I love the addition of Flamethrower and Giga Impact to Manectric's movepool and the addition of Ash at the end. I like the use of Overgrow (for a second i thought he would evolve when he gegan to glow lol). I thought Manectrics characterization of being very confident was good, as well.
Good battle I can't wait for what is going on with Ash and when we finally get to see Ralts again. (It would be a nice twist if it had evolved but i guess your sig shows otherwise)

Everything seems normal, with Joe and Adam venturing on their quest through Kanto, but what is the mysterious Team Storm planning?

Loved the chapter but i'll start with the bad grammar and stuff so i don't forget where they are:

So Max returns his pokemon but Wattson doesn't? (Returns Magneton) needs to be after Wattson's speach, too.

Leaves not leafs

Jumps, there is no 'e'

it needs a the befoe 'kind'

the assistant says this when Grovlye faints but not when Magneton faints.
That's all the faults i found so on to the positives:
I love the addition of Flamethrower and Giga Impact to Manectric's movepool and the addition of Ash at the end. I like the use of Overgrow (for a second i thought he would evolve when he began to glow lol). I thought Manectrics characterization of being very confident was good, as well.
Good battle I can't wait for what is going on with Ash and when we finally get to see Ralts again. (It would be a nice twist if it had evolved but i guess your sig shows otherwise)

The battle between Grovyle and Electrode was very good, and I didn't expect Overgrow. And of course the battle between Marshtomp and Manectric was great. It was intense and it was surprising that Marshtomp's Water Gun and Manectric's Flamethrower were on equal power but it kind of showed Manectric's strenght.

And it's definitely nice to see a good old Ash again. I wonder why he has come to Hoenn, though.

The battle between Grovyle and Electrode was very good, and I didn't expect Overgrow. And of course the battle between Marshtomp and Manectric was great. It was intense and it was surprising that Marshtomp's Water Gun and Manectric's Flamethrower were on equal power but it kind of showed Manectric's strenght.

And it's definitely nice to see a good old Ash again. I wonder why he has come to Hoenn, though.

Thank you)
I can give you the answer on the reason Ash returned. But only after the next Chapter

Ash: "I am glad to see you, Max! You know, I called Norman the other day, and he told me about new kind of tournaments that are starting in Hoenn very soon." (Looks at Norman and asks) "What are they called, Norman?"

Norman: "Specialty tournaments."

Ash: "Yeah."

Norman (To Ash): "Let me take it from here." (To Max) "These tournaments are specialized on a single type of Pokemon, so each trainer in each battle is allowed to use only one type of Pokemon throughout the tourney."

Max: "That sounds cool! And where will be the first one?"

Norman: "In Sootopolis City!"

Caroline (from the other room): "Norman, dear, help me to take the flour from the shelf."

Norman: "One moment, dear." (Leaves the room.)

Max: "So, do you know when the tournament starts?"

Ash: "In two days! Isn't that cool?"

Max: "Yeah! But Ash, will you be able to get to Sootopolis so quickly?"

Ash: "You can count on me! By the way, how many badges do you have?"

Max (takes the badge case out of his bag, opens it and answers with a very proud voice): "Three. And I have beaten Wattson today!"

Ash: "That's awesome, Max!"

Pikachu: "Pi-pika!"

Max: "Thanks! Ash, can you call my Mom, please?"

Ash: "Sure!" (Walks in the other room.) "Caroline, Max wants to talk to you."

Caroline (smiles): "Sure!" (Comes to the videophone) "Yeah, Max?"

Max: "Mom, how is May doing? Did you call her?"

Caroline: "Yeah! She's been really busy. She has already earned her fourth ribbon."

Max: "That's good news." (Yawns) "A-a-a-aww... Oh, I am worn out."

Caroline: "Oh, I understand, good night dear!"

Ash: "Bye, Max!"

Pikachu: "Pika!"

Max: "Bye, everyone!" (Turns off the videophone and comes to a Nurse Joy) “Hi, Nurse Joy!!”

Nurse Joy: “Hi, Max! How did your battle go?”

Max: “I won a badge, thanks Nurse Joy for healing my Pokemon!.”

Nurse Joy (smiles): “Oh, no problem! And you know, we have free rooms upstairs.”

Max: “Oh, that's awesome! Thank you!”

Nurse Joy: “You are welcome! Chansey, show him the room!”

Chansey: “Chansey!”

(Chansey shows him the room.)

Max: “Thanks Chansey!”

Chansey (nods): “Chansey.”

(Max lies in his bed and turns the light off. Max can't fall asleep, he remembers himself and Ralts.)

------------------------------------------------------

Max (to Ralts): “Goodbye Ralts, you take care. Be good, okay?”

Ralts (surprised): “Ra-alts?”

(Raltstarts crying, runs and jumps into Max’s hands.)

Max (cries too): “Oh, Ralts, I love you too!”

(Gardevoir, Kirlia, Ash, Brock, May and Nurse Joy stand near a Pokemon Center and a wind takes leaves by a blow. Max and Ralts are still hugging,)

Max: “Time to go now…”

Ralts (doesn’t want to go) “Ra-aalts. Raa-lts…”

Max (answers with a serious voice): I don’t want to go either. But we don’t have the other choice. What do you think when I become older and maybe you want to travel with me?”

Ralts (answers happily and nods): “Ralts. Ralts!”

Max (happy too): “That's awesome, so you can hope that I'll come back some day.”