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The 10 Most Dangerous Foods to Eat While Driving

Insurance.com has come up with a list of the 10 most dangerous things eat behind the wheel. Seriously. Topping the list is the one thing we’ve all shoved into our faces during the morning commute.

Before we get to that, though, we should explain why Insurance.com thought this was important enough to investigate. Hagerty Classic Insurance, the folks who let you cover that ’57 Chevrolet Bel Air or 1935 Dusenberg SJ in your garage, ran an applicant through the DMV. It discovered the guy had a restraining order barring him from having food within his reach while driving. Apparently the guy had been in several accidents while stuffing his maw.

Wait, it gets better (and by that we mean infuriatingly worse). Insurance.com decided to draw up a list of things you absolutely, positively should not sip, slurp, chomp or chew behind the wheel. Here from the home office in Cleveland are the ” The 10 Most Dangerous Foods to Eat While Driving”.

It should be said this is by no means scientific; it’s a rundown of things actuaries don’t think you ought to have in your hand (or mouth) when driving. That said, the list is more frightening than the repair bill we got when our Jag needed a transmission rebuild.

1. Coffee. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad. That said, we’re guilty of this. So are you. Admit it. 2. Hot soup. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad. 3. Tacos. Very messy. 4. Chili. It’s hot. It can spill. That’s bad. And it’s very messy. 5. Hamburgers. Greasy hands and a steering wheel do not mix. 6. Barbecued food. Um, that should go without saying. 7. Fried chicken. You think burgers are greasy? 8. Jelly or cream-filled donuts. Ever bitten into one and not had it squirt all over the place? 9. Soft drinks. Big threat of spillage, says Insurance.com, and unacceptable risk of “fizz up your nose.” Huh? 10. Chocolate. It melts on your fingers, which makes a mess on the steering wheel.

Allow us to make a special shout out here to item number two: Soup. Soup? Are you kidding? Who in their right mind thinks it’s OK to eat soup while driving a two-ton projectile? And who the hell is trying to spoon chili down their gullet in traffic? Good lord, people. It’s a CAR. Do not take that call from Joe in accounting, do not try to read that Brad Pitt cover story in Wired and do not try to munch a freakin’ taco. Just DRIVE.

Soup? To quote the great Tom Wolfe, “It’s enough to make the Fool Killer hang his head in shame at the missed opportunities.”