Food Fight

I don’t know who decided children need to be fed multiple times a day, but it was obviously someone who never had children. I see photos of tiny humans eating normal meals consisting of real food, and I wonder how one obtains such a tiny human. Feeding my child is like holding a live fish – impossible because it’s disgusting. When Boogser wakes up in the morning, he instantly demands a waffle. Said waffle must then be torn into pieces and topped with bunga (peanut butter) – while he yells at you that he needs milk. When asked if he’d like a bar to go with the waffle, he tells you no. As soon as you put the bunga back in the pantry, he loses his mind because you didn’t get him the bar he told you he didn’t want. Once he’s settled in with his bar (topped with bunga of course) and his waffle, he takes half a bite of each, chugs his milk like the frat boy in training he is and then declares himself to be done. Every morning we do this. Every. damn. morning.

Lunch and dinner aren’t much better. It starts with him telling you “no lunch” or “no dinner” and then turns into demands for crackers and hummus, chips and guac, or air. Mostly air. Occasionally he’ll take a bite of chicken, carrot, or whatever we’re having for dinner and I get a little glimmer of hope that maybe one day he’ll eat real food. And then he spits it out while dramatically gagging and telling me “ewwww don’t like it.” On the rare occasions he actually swallows said bite of chicken or carrot, I cry actual tears of pride.

What I don’t understand in all this is how he’ll eat like a stray bird at home but like a champ at school. Second breakfast, lunch, snacks – he pretty much always takes it down regardless of what it is. Actually, I do understand. We’re the problem at home since we cave and give him crackers and hummus or chips and guac or his beloved air. But sweet lady freedom the last thing I want to do is put him to bed hungry and have him wake up at 3 in the am thinking it’s waffle time. You know who doesn’t understand the concept of “it’s the middle of the night”? A 2 year old.

I’m trying not to worry too much about this since the pediatrician tells me most kids who eat like this at this age wind up eating anything and everything when they get older. Plus, we could be doing a lot worse than demands for hummus and guac. And really, we’ve more or less been here before when we were battling to get him off the bottle and onto real food. So I know that this too shall pass, but damn is it frustrating right now. Of course the bright side is Boogser’s discards work nicely for eating my feelings of frustration.