Wow, OK, this is a great start! I see that you really are trying to build a story and weave in a certain amount of mystery and humour (and probably romance in future chapters). And the Founders are coming in too? Can't wait to see where this goes.

I think Ellie is a really interesting character. There's quite a lot of backstory of her character revealed in this chapter already: her ability to see dead people, her mother's death in a disease epidemic, her twin brother and his talent in music etc. I think you revealed all this information very skillfully; there were no info dumps and your story has quite a nice smooth flow. I would however love to know more about Ellie's 'gift'. So far it does't seem to be a major thing in this chapter; you've focused more on interactions between her and her friends (Rose and um...Albus). But as this is the first chapter I'm sure you have plenty of time and space to reveal more about her mysterious abilities! And speaking of Albus, is there a reason why she seems to dislike him so much? Is there a personal reason or is she hating on him just 'cause he's popular and all that? I hope you'll reveal more about the both of them soon :)

And I think you handled the fortuneteller scene quite nicely. Ellie seems to be very dismissive of Divination and predicting the future, which is rather strange given that she herself as abilities no one will probably believe, the gift of seeing ghosts of the past.

But anyway, I think your story is coming on very nicely! A very solid start. I can't wait to find out what happens, and how the plot will develop. Good luck with writing future chapters :)

-teh

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much! Thank goodness that plot building is already evident! And yes, mystery and humour abound. And yes, so does romance. And yes, Founders! Woot!

I'm glad to hear that the backstory was revealed well. I'm terrified of writing information dumps, so usually I skip out on backstory alltogether and then do intense backstory in like chapter 20! More stuff on Ellie's "gift" is coming. I'd like for it to be a big part of the story, as it's such a big part of her. But yeah, I really wanted to set up some foundations for relationships. I think they're very important in stories, and Ellie's relationships become more important as more of her character is revealed. And Albus... there relationship is tons of fun, that's all I'm saying!

You have an excellent point! I think it reveals something quite ugly about her.