10.24.2013

Love More, Judge Less

Well Derek made a push tonight that I write again.
I've also been itching to say things that tend to occupy my thoughts.
Things that I should maybe keep to myself.
No, that culture thinks I should keep to myself.
But why keep them to myself?
Because that's what most people do.
We are afraid we are alone in our thoughts.
We are afraid we are just strange, that we are different.
That something is wrong with us, with our marriage, that we might be judged.

Personally, every time someone is honest with their feelings, I love them. So deeply, that I want to hug them through my computer screen and tell them they are just like everyone else. But so different because they are the only ones that have the guts to say how they feel.

Take my cousin for example. Over the last few years she has opened up about her experiences. Her most recent share here. Read it and try to tell me you don't respect her. I dare you. Then read this article about her and her husband in the Wall Street Journal.

You respect her because she is honest and real. Now imagine if we could all do that. Wouldn't we feel a little more like brothers and sisters and children of God here on this earth to support and lift each other up? Don't you think that if we were all a little more open that people would be slower to judge?

I grew up an extremely judgmental person. In fact, I didn't start thinking about any of this until 2 or 3 years ago. If someone swore, they were a bad person. If a girl wore a bikini, she was bad. Smokers, drinkers, those who didn't make it to church every sunday, or ever. They were all bad. And as a result, I was better than all of them. Right?

Wrong. We all know, and we all say that judging is a sin. But why do we all do it?

I hated how I felt when I judged. Not because I knew it was wrong, but because it feels bad to look down on others. It isn't uplifting. It isn't inspiring. It doesn't help us to grow and better ourselves.

The more that people opened up about their experiences, their stories, themselves, and their feelings, the more I realized that everyone has a story. Everyone has a heart. Everyone comes from different situations. None of us are better than the other. We all have our ups and our downs. I learned that if I get to know someone, there is a 99% chance I can love that person. I learned that all of those smokers, drinkers, swear-ers, inactives, immodest clothing wearers, were not all bad after all. In fact, most of them are probably better people than myself.

Judge me or love me, but promise me that we can all work together to love more and judge less. Cause we are all the same, really.

So happy you are writing again! Loved your thoughts and thank you for posting the links to Julie's stories. Both of you are gifted writers and I admire your honesty. I feel so blessed to have married into such an amazing family! A lady in my ward always says, "The answer is more love." It works in every situation. More love makes everything better, especially relationships. Thanks for sharing your writing with the world!

Its funny, similar things have been on my mind lately too. I LOVE that people are willing to share their struggles and be open and honest. I love learning about people and where they come from and who they are. But I think many of these stories could be shared, leaving out some of the unnecessary details. Intimacy (which by definition is personal or private) is no longer intimate when the world has been invited into your bedroom. This gift is no longer sacred. I just keep thinking of Jeffrey R. Holland's talk. He literally changed millions of lives by saying he has struggled with depression. No uncomfortable details. Just that its ok, that you are not crazy and that help is available. Well that and of course his powerful testimony and witness of the healing power and love of God. I really think all people want to know (and need to know) is that they are not alone, it is human nature. And no one is alone. Everyone struggles, everyone has stories to share, I just think people need to remember that when sharing their stories there is a difference between INspiration and INdecent. Love your blog and love you!!!

I've always felt that if we understood that everyone has their difficulties, we could manage to love more. The problem is that we don't like sharing our difficulties because we've been conditioned to think that it makes us weak. Wrong. Our weaknesses are what make us strong - together. So glad you're writing again! I love seeing pictures, but really, it's the thoughts behind all your experiences that really let us know who you are.