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Clearly, it is not that black and white. A girl being interested or not will be influenced by many factors. Not to mention the fact that many assumptions and conclusions are made in the beginning stages of a developing relationship. As I stated earlier, I was speaking from my point of view only and I just simply wanted to illustrate that confidence is attractive. However, regardless of that, obviously we are all human and have flaws. Being aware of such flaws or even insecure about them is a pretty common experience. It is merely when such flaws begin to take over one's life that they may become less appealing.

Well you know what they say about not deserving someone when they are at their best when you can't handle them at their worst, don't you? I'm joking.

I can see how confidence is an attractive trait. It's just that when people say "turn-off" I sometimes think they mean "dealbreaker" which isn't the same.

Oh, and happy new year!

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I think everyone is insecure in some respect...but the fact that you overcome your insecurity to behave as confident is much like overcoming fear. Most times when we overcome a fear, it's not because a fear has suddenly gone away....it is living with the emotions of fear to come out on the other side of it. I don't see it as a contradiction, but building strength. Insecurities usually just don't go away even if the "problem" does. For example, I used to weigh about 40 lbs more (at my very short height that is significant)....I've been thin for almost 3 years now and struggled for a long time with the mentality of being overweight. The insecurity remained despite my weight being gone. The act of me behaving confident in my body is what is helping to change my perspective.

Hey thanks for your honest, insightful reply.

And as for OP's question of what is confidence....i think it's being who you are and not acting ashamed of that. It's presenting yourself to the world and not apologizing for your imperfections. It's not looking to the ground all the time or putting yourself down. I think being confident is being aware of your weaknesses, but concentrating on your strengths. If you're the funny guy, or a good listener, or good at sports, or an expert on a particular subject....you let those things shine while not being full of yourself....

It seems I assume too quickly that with "confident guy" many women are referring to the "obnoxious, loud, inappropriate guy". That's definately something I can take away from this thread. A bit less cynical and a bit more wise I have become due to this thread.

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I am a Junior with moderate acne and it definitely effects my confidence with girls. I am always self conscious about it and think that the girls will be not open to me because of the fact of all this shit on my face.

I guess this is for boys and girls to comment. On these questions and anything else:

1. What are the overall thoughts of girls on boys with acne

2. What are some advice some boys(or girls) who had acne and how to approach it

Any advice would be great. Thank for any response!!!

Seeing the fact that you are very young, I'm going to ask this: why do you want a relationship in the first place? Seriously, I'd be interested in hearing the answer to that question. I think it's crucial that people reflect on things before they get involved with other people in the sense that they start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend. I mean do you want children? Can you think of a good argument for monogamy? Can you think of a good argument against open relationships? Do you want to get married?

It's seems to me that it's impossible for some people to even consider the idea of not having a relationship. But what if you don't meet anyone? And you can say "Well that's what dating is for" but I think that a lot of the time it is not the way it is supposed to be in that scene. It's forced and you can't force romance. The dating scene is filled with people who have checklists: "Well, this guy is good looking and he's got a good job, he's funny and he's got dark hair which I love but he's not tall enough so I'm just going to look for someone else". Let's face it, someone who thinks like that isn't someone whom you'd want to be your girlfriend as that person looks at you the wrong way. They still have growing up to do.

Why not just be friends with girls? Instead of making your relationship with one of them (I'm assuming you are monogamously minded as it seems most people are) very tense by saying you're boyfriend and girlfriend? And if your need for "a girlfriend" ultimately comes down to being about sex then why not just be open about that with someone close to you and keep things from being complicated?

I wrote the above post assuming you were 16 or 17 years old. Just wanted to add that.

Well, I'm 28 and I found this post helpful!

After a few unsuccessful dates I've been thinking along these lines recently. The truth is I am an introvert and a bit of a loner, with or without the acne. People see these as negative qualities but being able to spend long periods of time by myself, with my own imagination, has helped me earn a PhD and write a book. When I think about it, I don't actually want the kind of relationship most people want. I don't like the idea of casual sex, either - I suppose I'd want to meet someone like myself, loyal but independent, casual but not promiscuous. I might be waiting a long time, but I keep tell myself that 'she' will be worth the wait, whoever she is.

Basically, I'm agreeing with your advice. Too often men and women think they want a relationship because certain ideals are forced down our throats. I've found the dating 'scene' to be horribly artificial and competitive. This suits some people but not me. I do think it's better to approach girls as friends first; that takes away a lot of anxiety about acne and other appearance-related issues. It's also much better to get to know someone slowly. I've been rejected after a couple of first dates - but how can anyone really make a judgement about someone after three or four hours, especially when you factor in nervousness? I don't know whether those girls rejected me because of my skin, but obviously anyone who's that shallow would be bad news in the long term.

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I can look at this from a couple of perspectives, having ended up on the wrong end of things and getting rejected by girls who were shallow and narrow-minded, but also having found someone who accepts me just as I am and loves me for it.

For many years when I was struggling with persistent acne and making things twice as bad due to obsessive skin picking, I was only ever rejected by girls who didn't look beyond my complexion. I cleared my acne about a year ago and generally have a grip on the picking as well, although that still gets the better of me sometimes. It's taken me pretty much all that time to gain a bit of confidence and to begin to like being me. Just that slight change to begin with has been enough for me to attract new things and new people. The most significant event has been that I attracted my first girlfriend, Alyssa.

Alyssa and I have talked at length about things like acne and compulsive skin picking. In fact, we met in a related Facebook group. We shared stories and experiences for months within the group, then got chatting in private. It went on from there and now we're together. I accept Alyssa for who she is, including the things she may see as flaws. She would say the same of me. In fact, there have been times when we've both been struggling with our skin one way or another and it just doesn't seem to matter at all. That shared experience brings about this higher level of understanding and appreciation for me things we've both battled through.

I guess my point is, it all comes down to finding the right person. I'm 27 and never had a relationship before now. I never even went looking because I knew I wasn't ready and I knew that I was looking in the wrong places and would end up finding people who would reject me based solely on appearances. In the end, the relationship I'm now in found me and I wasn't looking for it at all. Let things happen when they happen and you'll find someone who's right for you when you're both in the right place for it to happen, regardless of what your skin may be like or anything you may be struggling with.

Lovely to hear that you've found someone!

I definitely think that's good advice you've given, but on the other hand when you reach a certain age (late twenties, say) it's difficult not to start worrying that you're leaving it too late. I spent seven years not actively looking for someone, but guess what - no one came looking for me! I wouldn't say I'm desperate to enter a relationship any time soon, but what happens if I get to 30, 35, 40 and still haven't met anyone? Women will start to think I'm weird and that there must be something wrong with me. It was that kind of thinking that made me go actively looking for dates, though I wish I hadn't now, after some bad experiences.

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I don't think that confident is a behavior. We tend to think that if someone "acts confident" they are more attractive. You can't "act

" confident anymore than you can "act" tall. It's a mindset. It's the absolute conviction that you totally rock! It's knowing that the good things about you are amazing, and the bad things aren't bad enough to matter.

Look at Kevin Bacon, terrible skin, and women for decades have just creamed themselves over him. He's confident.

The kid in the back of the class hiding behind his skin, is not confident. He's not attractive, but it has nothing to do with the outside. He doesn't know his worth. There is a big difference between confident and cocky. Cocky is ugly.

I've dated guys with good skin, and bad skin. The common denominator is personality. They have been intellectuals, muscians, artists, everything you can imaging, but they have all been sweet guys with a lot of integrity who make it their lifes mission to make other people feel good, because they are confident in who and what they are. It's that simple.

Don't bother trying to figure out females. You wont get it right for each one anyway. The girls that guys always go for are the high maintenance bitches, and then they whine and say they just want a nice girl...

Girls do the same thing. They say they just want a nice guy, then go for the asshole and wonder why they are treated like crap.

No point in trying to decode the other sex, just look for one person that meets most of your criteria and be freaking happy! LOL

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i'll do everyone a favor and take the heat on this one. sigh... ok girls suck man LOL let's face it most girls especially young teenage one's are shallow as hellz. They want a dream boat, knight in shining armor, prince charming, brad pit, a young johnny dep, an orlando bloom, that guy off of twilight. im just being realistic here im not gona sugar coat it, i mean it's all they ever talk about "oh that guys hot,cute,sexy,fine" never hear of acne being any of that shit, my advice kid are three options. 1.wait until your clear to get in the game, 2.get a girl with acne or 3. if by some miracle you find a girl who looks beyond that, go for it. that's rare though & im not even trying to hurt anyone here im ust realistic about it... it sucks i know, dame do i know -_-

*brad pitt

pffft no one cares about twilight lolz

and girls talk about male celebs no more than guys talk about megan fox and jessica alba

OMG NO.

"wait until youre clear"

thats what ive been saying all throughout high school, im a senior now and im not clear. dont wait its a waste of time!

"never hear of acne being any of that shit"

wot. oh yeah cuz everyones like "omg he has pimples thats so hot" LOL

i think it just depends on the girl. dont go for a perfect barbie doll if youre insecure about your skin, i mean i dont want a super gorgeous guy it would make me so depressed just standing next to him hah

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr. Seuss

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Interests: What interests me is the future limits of technology & science. I enjoy learning about other cultures & watching documentary films about a variety of subjects. Video games are a big thing for me, I play on a ps3 at the moment hit me up on there if you want to play sometime. I'm agnostic athiest. From 1 to 10 I honestly think I'm a 4 1/2 (yeah it sucks). But other then that I consider myself a reasonably intelligent person with good personal attributes. Some of them being as follows:honest, honorable, moral, understanding, tolerant, reasonable, open thinker, charitable. A few physical things i like about my self are: tall, my hair, my voice, my top row teeth & I my oder is never really too bad lol.

I can look at this from a couple of perspectives, having ended up on the wrong end of things and getting rejected by girls who were shallow and narrow-minded, but also having found someone who accepts me just as I am and loves me for it.

For many years when I was struggling with persistent acne and making things twice as bad due to obsessive skin picking, I was only ever rejected by girls who didn't look beyond my complexion. I cleared my acne about a year ago and generally have a grip on the picking as well, although that still gets the better of me sometimes. It's taken me pretty much all that time to gain a bit of confidence and to begin to like being me. Just that slight change to begin with has been enough for me to attract new things and new people. The most significant event has been that I attracted my first girlfriend, Alyssa.

Alyssa and I have talked at length about things like acne and compulsive skin picking. In fact, we met in a related Facebook group. We shared stories and experiences for months within the group, then got chatting in private. It went on from there and now we're together. I accept Alyssa for who she is, including the things she may see as flaws. She would say the same of me. In fact, there have been times when we've both been struggling with our skin one way or another and it just doesn't seem to matter at all. That shared experience brings about this higher level of understanding and appreciation for me things we've both battled through.

I guess my point is, it all comes down to finding the right person. I'm 27 and never had a relationship before now. I never even went looking because I knew I wasn't ready and I knew that I was looking in the wrong places and would end up finding people who would reject me based solely on appearances. In the end, the relationship I'm now in found me and I wasn't looking for it at all. Let things happen when they happen and you'll find someone who's right for you when you're both in the right place for it to happen, regardless of what your skin may be like or anything you may be struggling with.

Lovely to hear that you've found someone!

I definitely think that's good advice you've given, but on the other hand when you reach a certain age (late twenties, say) it's difficult not to start worrying that you're leaving it too late. I spent seven years not actively looking for someone, but guess what - no one came looking for me! I wouldn't say I'm desperate to enter a relationship any time soon, but what happens if I get to 30, 35, 40 and still haven't met anyone? Women will start to think I'm weird and that there must be something wrong with me. It was that kind of thinking that made me go actively looking for dates, though I wish I hadn't now, after some bad experiences.

i find it kind of funny but sad how people can drive someone to do thing's they don't want to just because it's the normal thing to do, it just seems like everyone is expected to someday have kid's, raise a family, settle down.. BORING why cant someone just be happy by myself. they are a lot of reasons why i think i might never have kids, but if i do and if i had a choice of when i'd have them i'd say my early to mid 30's would be ideal. but that's a big IF besides having company, a kids way to much responsibility money wise and just in general. you hear it all the time "i hate my job/life but i have kids to feed & a family to support". i say fuck that my happiness comes before everything. if i hate my dead end shit job i want to at least have the option to get up and go do something else not be tied town with a ball and chain. lol sorry but that's the way i see it no offence to parent's =)

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sorry but that is a very silly question. everyone is different. some girls do. some girls don't. just like how some guys make fun of fat girls and others don't. ask yourself this. do you care about how fat a girl is? or do you see her for who she truly is. is the first thing you look at a girls figure or do you try to get to know her first? most men are guilty of the first. find a girl who doesn't care about acne. that means she will love you forever. most the girls i know don't care about acne. but its a two way street. if you expect people to not care about your acne then the world needs to be less mean to fat people, ugly people, and so forth. unfortunately it is not. if you pass judgement to others based on how they look, sound, or appear then you are ignorant. almost everyone in their entire life has done those things. this means that some girls will care about your acne and a few good ones won't. You need to find the good ones.

but at the end of the day you can not really hold people acountable for the ignorance. i was an extremely ignorant person for a very long time. i don't think i was born ignorant. i see the same ignorance in my 79 year old father and he passed it down to me. some people like him are ignorant their entire lives. they never wake up and see the world for what it really is. i think this is what seperates the good from the bad. people who can wake up and see out the ignorance are the small light at the end of the tunnel for our society. ignorance is passed down generation after generation. until someone breaks the cycle. its like and eye for an eye. someone has to forgive to stop this viscious circle! an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. at the end of the day though, i feel all the blame rests on the shoulders of "god". If he created mankind then he gave them their will to be bad and be ignorant. essentially he started all the ignorance and the cycle. he is the alpha. now this makes him a terrible being. it is the only way to look at it. why else is life unfair. is religion more than a tool to control society. i think not. at the end of the night, how can my sins and ignorance be my burden to carry. for if i was created by the lord he had it preprogrammed that i would have these qualities. this makes god a very terrible person. fortunately there is an answer to all these problems that i just thought of. what if this life is nothing more than a landscape and a game. the things that happen don't truly matter. god creates us and makes us bad on purpose. he wants to see if we have the courage to perservere and be "good". of course without good their is not evil. this is a serious paradox. then agian so is the idea of god creating humanity. if god created us then how can we truly make any decision or have free will? its impossible because god had to know all the paths. he gives us the right to pick a path? how? if he gave us the original impulse then that would pick the path for us. basically we have no control over anything at all. maybe not even suicide is a choice. we have no understanding of the afterlife or proof that it exists. at the end of the night their is no proof of anything. i can't prove you exist and quite frankly this post has been rambling on and on and on. the answer is maybe. maybe girls care about you acne. if they do then they are not good for you anyway.

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To me acne on a guy doesn't matter. I mean we're all teenagers and young adults so obviously were all going to get acne at one point or another. There's plenty of "popular" and "cool" kids who have acne, some much worse then others. But if the girl or guy is to shallow to over look some acne that will eventually go away, he or she doesn't deserve you and isn't worth your time. Some times I think that I NEED to get rid of my acne so I can look good and have a better image because of course that's something I want and still trying to get, but when it comes to people they really shouldn't care about your type of skin because your acne won't be there forever.

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Make a valiant effort to chat with girls as often as possible. Practice really does make perfect. You should also take care of your skin and body. Go to a dermatologist if you’re not already!

Most people underestimate how much of an impact severe acne can have on a person's attractiveness. Research has shown that the apparent health of facial skin is a correlate of symmetry that is attractive independently of symmetry itself. Thus, acne and acne scars actually cause your face to appear less symmetrical to women. Symmetry is a very important part of attractiveness. Since your face may appear less symmetrical, women may feel you’re not cute without realizing it’s because of your acne. So, attractive women that say they don’t care about acne may be unaware that acne is the reason they don’t find you particularly cute. Another study even showed women find men with a healthy skin tone more attractive than those with a masculine face. Many attractive women also just don’t particularly want to be seen dating a guy with any visible flaw that other people can easily pigeonhole. Many people even experience reflexive disgust from looking at acne and feel it’s contagious. You really should try to get your acne under control if it’s bad, especially if it’s affecting your confidence.

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The 'real world' isn't a hive mind. You can't lump the preferences of human beings into one cut and dry category (i.e. "If I look like X, I'll be attractive to everyone.")

I find it interesting that so many on this forum are hypercritical and quick to dismiss others for the very trait that we share in common (acne).

This isn't really about a hive mind. There's only two possible cases, either 1) it matters to an extent.... or 2) it's irrelevant.

My experience tells me that the majority of people are put off by it to an extent. Certainly not the same extent for everyone, but it is a completely undesireable trait. It's not an issue of preference like blue eyes vs brown eyes, etc.

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This isn't really about a hive mind. There's only two possible cases, either 1) it matters to an extent.... or 2) it's irrelevant.

My experience tells me that the majority of people are put off by it to an extent. Certainly not the same extent for everyone, but it is a completely undesireable trait. It's not an issue of preference like blue eyes vs brown eyes, etc.

Here's a cliche that holds true - looks don't matter in relationships. A relationship that's based on superficial aspects is going to fall apart eventually.

Yes, there has to be an initial attraction but that's not entirely tied to physical traits. It's determined by complex chemistry between two people. Again, different people put different weight on these traits.

So in your personal experience, the majority of people you've encountered find acne off-putting. That still doesn't mean acne has to be the end-all, be-all determinant of whether a person's relationship material.

Here's my anecdotal evidence:

-I'm married to a man who used to have severe facial acne and has current acne scarring with active acne covering his back. If I carried out my dating life according to how some people in this forum believe it should go, I shouldn't have considered him a romantic prospect at all. And since I still break out when my stress levels are high, he shouldn't have considered me a prospect either.

And yet these facts didn't factor into the equation when I started dating him or how physically attracted I was to him. What matters to me in the long run is how he treats me. There are qualities that affect a relationship that far outweigh how clear a person's skin is.

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Yes, most women do care. You're recieving a biased response here since the people the post here will understand and be empathetic, but in the real world it does matter to people.

I don't think this is true. Most people have acne. If they don't I'm sure they have had a friend or family member with it and knows or sees their struggle with acne. There's an understanding among most people that at some time your going to have acne. Whether its a few pimples here or there or major breakouts. I get that acne might be a turn off at first sight. But if you talk to the person and like their personality, then there really shouldn't be a problem with it. People we see on tv and in magazines aren't real. They have tons of makeup and editing done to their faces and bodies. They seem perfect and flawless and for some reason all humans strive for perfection. We set ourselves up to an impossible standard, spending thousands each year on beauty products and treatments. But everyone needs to come to terms that were not perfect and were not suppose to be perfect. If someone doesn't like you for who you are then screw them. Most likely they have had acne too.

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So in your personal experience, the majority of people you've encountered find acne off-putting. That still doesn't mean acne has to be the end-all, be-all determinant of whether a person's relationship material.

Here's my anecdotal evidence:

-I'm married to a man who used to have severe facial acne and has current acne scarring with active acne covering his back. If I carried out my dating life according to how some people in this forum believe it should go, I shouldn't have considered him a romantic prospect at all. And since I still break out when my stress levels are high, he shouldn't have considered me a prospect either.

But people that post here, like you, are the exception instead of the rule in regards to acne. And I've even seen so many people post here saying something like "If someone is good looking, then acne doesn't matter"; that implies that even people here have some of standard for looks but can empathize with acne just because they obviously dealt with it.

As for my anecdotal evidence, even my own mother was bothered by it. And she's otherwise one of the least judgemental people I know. Even when my skin wasn't really that bad, the first thing she would say to me when having not seen me in 3 months would be a comment on how bad my skin was. And my old roommate, who again seemed like a really nice guy in all other ways, would make rude comments about girls with bad skin.

And I know it's not the end all, be all... but I still don't want to be in relationship when I have something like this that I know people will dislike about me and have to look past it. It just bothers me too much knowing that the other person dislikes this about me and has to get used to it.

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And I know it's not the end all, be all... but I still don't want to be in relationship when I have something like this that I know people will dislike about me and have to look past it. It just bothers me too much knowing that the other person dislikes this about me and has to get used to it.

So say you've been married for five years and all of a sudden your partner gets acne...would that change anything for you?

By the way, Baseketball4 seems to have changed his mind about wanting to talk to us. I wonder what went through him when he started reading our responses.

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And I know it's not the end all, be all... but I still don't want to be in relationship when I have something like this that I know people will dislike about me and have to look past it. It just bothers me too much knowing that the other person dislikes this about me and has to get used to it.

So say you've been married for five years and all of a sudden your partner gets acne...would that change anything for you?

By the way, Baseketball4 seems to have changed his mind about wanting to talk to us. I wonder what went through him when he started reading our responses.

No, but you're asking me, someone who is posting on these forums so you're not going to get a response that's indicative of the average person. But I don't see why it's so difficult to imagine this situation happening; people often do become less attracted or unnatracted to their partners later on in marriages for some reason or another. I'm sure in the case of acne it wouldn't be enough for a divorce, but it would still be off putting.

I didn't mean to make it sound like it's just or mostly women who are like this; it's both men and women.

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And I know it's not the end all, be all... but I still don't want to be in relationship when I have something like this that I know people will dislike about me and have to look past it. It just bothers me too much knowing that the other person dislikes this about me and has to get used to it.

So say you've been married for five years and all of a sudden your partner gets acne...would that change anything for you?

By the way, Baseketball4 seems to have changed his mind about wanting to talk to us. I wonder what went through him when he started reading our responses.

No, but you're asking me, someone who is posting on these forums so you're not going to get a response that's indicative of the average person. But I don't see why it's so difficult to imagine this situation happening; people often do become less attracted or unnatracted to their partners later on in marriages for some reason or another. I'm sure in the case of acne it wouldn't be enough for a divorce, but it would still be off putting.

I didn't mean to make it sound like it's just or mostly women who are like this; it's both men and women.

Well, I think you should let go of your fear/worry and just let things happen when it comes to relationships. I'm sure you'll end up with someone who, if you were to ask them if they were bothered by your acne, would honestly say that they weren't. Either that or they'd get offended and tell you that you shouldn't have felt the need to ask that question to them.

I'm not going to deny the fact that physical appearance is a factor in the whole thing (don't get me wrong; I don't objectify) but there's also something called foolishness where people say that just because someone isn't "perfect" they have smaller chances of "finding someone". It's just foolish to me, with all due respect.

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I'm not going to deny the fact that physical appearance is a factor in the whole thing (don't get me wrong; I don't objectify) but there's also something called foolishness where people say that just because someone isn't "perfect" they have smaller chances of "finding someone". It's just foolish to me, with all due respect.

But they do have a smaller chance. At least me for me, I know my scarring is bad enough to where it's an instant deal breaker to a lot of people. So I don't see how have the same chance as others if there are less total people that would give me a chance. I don't consider myself delusional either. I have teaching job and it doesn't affect me there; I know that really the only thing students your care about is that you're fair, competent, etc. so it doesn't really bother me to get up in front of a room full of a people and talk for an hour. But when it comes to relationships I have to be realistic; it makes me unappealing and undesireable compared to the other guys with decent skin.

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I'm not going to deny the fact that physical appearance is a factor in the whole thing (don't get me wrong; I don't objectify) but there's also something called foolishness where people say that just because someone isn't "perfect" they have smaller chances of "finding someone". It's just foolish to me, with all due respect.

But they do have a smaller chance. At least me for me, I know my scarring is bad enough to where it's an instant deal breaker to a lot of people. So I don't see how have the same chance as others if there are less total people that would give me a chance. I don't consider myself delusional either. I have teaching job and it doesn't affect me there; I know that really the only thing students your care about is that you're fair, competent, etc. so it doesn't really bother me to get up in front of a room full of a people and talk for an hour. But when it comes to relationships I have to be realistic; it makes me unappealing and undesireable compared to the other guys with decent skin.

So your acne is disfiguring? That's what you're saying? If not and it's "just acne" which detracts from your appearance to a degree...then it's just a matter of your standards as well as those of the girls that reject you. I'm gonna sound totally predictable here and say that girls for whom your acne is a dealbreaker are probably interested in getting "a guy" moreso than they are interested in you, if you get what I mean. And as far as your standards are concerned... Being less appealing to these girls who reject is only bothering to you, I assume, if you are interested in the same type of relationship they are i.e. one where it's more about fulfilling some need (sex, "having fun", status of whatever) than it is about two people who love each other. ..I would have to say. Please don't take that as criticism.

I think I'm basically agreeing here with mahema who said something similar a few posts back (in a perhaps more concise manner).