If I had my way

Being the smartest person in the room wouldn’t be a political liability.

I would be able to convince some high school graduating class, somewhere, to make “Woo Hoo” by The 5,6,7,8’s their graduation song. Imagine a hundred teenagers bouncing up and down, going “Woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo, woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo” in unison with a decent backup band. Tell me that wouldn’t be the most awesome thing ever.

Two-and-a-Half Menwould be replaced on the schedule with a new Charlie Sheen interview each week, with the commercial profits going to all of the crew who are now out of a job because he was stupid enough to mix a coke habit with pre-existing delusions of grandeur.

Cameras would stop making a point of showing Morgan Freeman whenever a black person is onstage getting an award.

3-D films would cease to exist.

so would Shia LeBeouf.

and Adam Sandler.

All sitcoms that use laugh tracks or sweeten their live studio audience laughter in any way would be canceled.