Valley Girl

Nicholas Tana called it an Italian Woodstock. Many of the 20,000 who police estimated made the pilgrimage here for "The Sopranos" audition Saturday came from nearby Italian enclaves like Brooklyn and Paramus, N.J. But points north were well represented, too. Braving traffic that was backed up for two hours, wannabes poured in from Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts. Even after radio reports warned that the tryout had been closed because it had become -- ahem -- a mob scene, they kept coming.

Twelve local dancers will head to New York City to dance in the 86th annual Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Dancers at Gloria J. Rossetti School of Dance have been practicing for this event for the past couple of months and most of them have been dancing with Rossetti for over ten years. While in New York, the girls are going to have daily rehearsals, as well as experience the Big Apple; including going to Broadway shows and seeing the Empire State Building. They are going to be dancing with over 700 girls from around the United States.

It's quaint without being provincial, sweet but not cloying, eccentric yet conventional. It's a quintessentially Connecticut town where town meetings are dutifully attended, flags fly proudly on the town green and pumpkin-packed hayrides are offered in the brisk Yankee fall. It's a place where the children are polite, the streets are clean and the diner brews an honest cup of strong coffee. Oh, and if you forget your wallet, no problem: Just pay the next time you stop in. Sound too good to be true?

JAMESTOWN By Matthew Sharpe (Soft Skull Press, 310 pp., $25) "You're either on the bus or off the bus," Merry Prankster Ken Kesey famously said. Reading Matthew Sharpe's "Jamestown" had this reviewer on, off, on, off and at last back on again for a jolting ride, the vehicle in this case being the Autobus Goodspeed. This peculiar hybrid of school bus and tank-treaded armored vehicle is staffed by an even more peculiar group of men. (History buffs may recognize some names: John Smith, John Rolfe, John Martin, Christopher Newport.

Too many female stars have suffered slumps or fallen into misguided choices after winning best-actress Academy Awards. The list includes Faye Dunaway, Sissy Spacek, Marlee Matlin, Holly Hunter, even Jodie Foster. Nicolas Cage also seems to have lost his way after winning the Oscar in 1995 for "Leaving Las Vegas." Now faking a sometimes ludicrous Italian accent in "Captain Corelli's Mandolin," Cage becomes the soft center of a finely produced but utterly unconvincing adaptation of the complex, romantic bestseller by Louis de Bernieres, published in 1994.

Neighbors Shelly Jackson Age: 32. Where she lives: 234 Park Terrace Neighborhood: Frog Hollow Whereshe volunteers: Hartford Areas Rally Together, Mutual Housing, Pope Park Area Resident Coalition and as a cheerleading coach for the Lions Midget Football team How long she has lived in Hartford: About six years Why she thinks HART helps her neighborhood: "Because their business is here. They are appealing to the neighbors here." Little-known fact: "Everything I do is known."

It's college recruitment day at Chilton Prep, a privileged center of higher education just outside Hartford, where The WB's new drama "Gilmore Girls" takes place. Representatives from a lot of the top schools -- Johns Hopkins, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, among them -- are lined up in with their literature on this narrow stretch of campus where students are contemplating their futures in the shade of a bunch of trees not exactly indigenous to the Northeast. "What?"

Poor old Cosnat, he never gets it right. I came across my pal the other day and he looked sad and perplexed. I asked what was wrong. "Woe is me," he said. "I thought that because everyone says government should be run like a business then, by the same token, businesses should be run like a government. So when I saw there was a big job available in a private company, I tried applying for it the way someone pursues a top government job. But the thing's turned into a mess." What happened?

JAMESTOWN By Matthew Sharpe (Soft Skull Press, 310 pp., $25) "You're either on the bus or off the bus," Merry Prankster Ken Kesey famously said. Reading Matthew Sharpe's "Jamestown" had this reviewer on, off, on, off and at last back on again for a jolting ride, the vehicle in this case being the Autobus Goodspeed. This peculiar hybrid of school bus and tank-treaded armored vehicle is staffed by an even more peculiar group of men. (History buffs may recognize some names: John Smith, John Rolfe, John Martin, Christopher Newport.

Like the sincere politicians running for president, I place a high premium on telling the truth. For that reason, I have to begin this column by saying manual labor has never been a strong suit. I haven't fixed anything since I patched a bicycle tire in 1966. Further, I can be as clumsy as a bear on ice skates. Cooking depresses me. I can turn anything more complicated than boiling water into a multi-pot, multi-mess adventure. Still, if you don't have any preteen children at home and you're looking for a handyman, somebody to do some chores around the house from the early evening on Saturday through late Sunday morning, I'm your guy. No charge.

"The Hot Chick" sends Rob Schneider, otherwise known as "Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo" and "The Animal," into "Tootsie" land. But apart from waking up in a nightie and leaping about in girlish underwear, the bushy-haired, stubble-faced little comic doesn't really attempt a drag turn. Instead, he strives to find his inner woman in straight makeup. It isn't saying much, but his new film, which he also co-wrote with the director Tom Brady, shows Schneider to greater advantage that his two previous star vehicles.

It's quaint without being provincial, sweet but not cloying, eccentric yet conventional. It's a quintessentially Connecticut town where town meetings are dutifully attended, flags fly proudly on the town green and pumpkin-packed hayrides are offered in the brisk Yankee fall. It's a place where the children are polite, the streets are clean and the diner brews an honest cup of strong coffee. Oh, and if you forget your wallet, no problem: Just pay the next time you stop in. Sound too good to be true?

The San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles is no French Riviera, where director Paul Thomas Anderson answered questions after a screening of his "Punch-Drunk Love." The Valley often is portrayed as a place to be from, then leave. Filmmakers have treated it as a geographic pariah, separated by just a hill from Hollywood but worlds away in terms of cool. Deborah Foreman had to meet Nicolas Cage to escape the valley in "Valley Girl" (1983). "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (1982) showed the rest of America that L.A.'s sprawling suburb had the same pot-smoking, mall-hanging knuckleheads.

Too many female stars have suffered slumps or fallen into misguided choices after winning best-actress Academy Awards. The list includes Faye Dunaway, Sissy Spacek, Marlee Matlin, Holly Hunter, even Jodie Foster. Nicolas Cage also seems to have lost his way after winning the Oscar in 1995 for "Leaving Las Vegas." Now faking a sometimes ludicrous Italian accent in "Captain Corelli's Mandolin," Cage becomes the soft center of a finely produced but utterly unconvincing adaptation of the complex, romantic bestseller by Louis de Bernieres, published in 1994.

It's college recruitment day at Chilton Prep, a privileged center of higher education just outside Hartford, where The WB's new drama "Gilmore Girls" takes place. Representatives from a lot of the top schools -- Johns Hopkins, the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, among them -- are lined up in with their literature on this narrow stretch of campus where students are contemplating their futures in the shade of a bunch of trees not exactly indigenous to the Northeast. "What?"

Nicholas Tana called it an Italian Woodstock. Many of the 20,000 who police estimated made the pilgrimage here for "The Sopranos" audition Saturday came from nearby Italian enclaves like Brooklyn and Paramus, N.J. But points north were well represented, too. Braving traffic that was backed up for two hours, wannabes poured in from Connecticut, Rhode Island and Massachusetts. Even after radio reports warned that the tryout had been closed because it had become -- ahem -- a mob scene, they kept coming.

The San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles is no French Riviera, where director Paul Thomas Anderson answered questions after a screening of his "Punch-Drunk Love." The Valley often is portrayed as a place to be from, then leave. Filmmakers have treated it as a geographic pariah, separated by just a hill from Hollywood but worlds away in terms of cool. Deborah Foreman had to meet Nicolas Cage to escape the valley in "Valley Girl" (1983). "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" (1982) showed the rest of America that L.A.'s sprawling suburb had the same pot-smoking, mall-hanging knuckleheads.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yeah. The name sort of puts people off. A Valley Girl who kills bloodsuckers. Right. But writer Joss Whedon, Wesleyan grad and Academy Award nominee ("Toy Story"), has taken what sounds like a silly premise and turned it into an action-filled, dramatic fun-ride that has quickly become a fan favorite, inspiring Web sites, fan clubs, books, trading cards and even a line of clothing. "Joss saw that you could have witty, biting humor and horror at the same time.

Like the sincere politicians running for president, I place a high premium on telling the truth. For that reason, I have to begin this column by saying manual labor has never been a strong suit. I haven't fixed anything since I patched a bicycle tire in 1966. Further, I can be as clumsy as a bear on ice skates. Cooking depresses me. I can turn anything more complicated than boiling water into a multi-pot, multi-mess adventure. Still, if you don't have any preteen children at home and you're looking for a handyman, somebody to do some chores around the house from the early evening on Saturday through late Sunday morning, I'm your guy. No charge.

Playing Wednesday night at the Avon Old Farms Inn to a crowd of 250: Valley of the Dollars. The well-bred, well-fed folks from the Farmington Valley turned out for a fun time and a fund-raiser for the American Heart Association. There was grazing on tantalizing fare from Valley restaurants. There was sipping of wines. And there was slugging back beers. And then, they spent. The event made almost $38,000 -- more than double last year's total -- coming largely from bidding on silent auction items.