Trump Tremendously Relieved That K.K.K. Ties Did Not Hurt Him in Alabama

MOBILE, ALABAMA (The Borowitz Report)—The Republican front-runner, Donald Trump, said on Tuesday night that he was “tremendously relieved” that the recent controversy linking him to the Ku Klux Klan had apparently not hurt him with voters in Alabama.

“I’m not a worrier by nature, but I must admit I was worried about this,” Trump told reporters. “The minute that that K.K.K. business started up, my main fear was, ‘I sure hope this doesn’t upset voters in Alabama.’ ”

After the Alabama returns came in showing him romping to an easy victory in the Yellowhammer State, Trump said, “I sighed a huge sigh of relief.”

Trump pointed to exit polls showing that ninety-seven per cent of Alabamans who voted for him were aware that he had been praised by the former K.K.K. leader David Duke “and voted for me anyway.”

“The fact that they knew I was endorsed by the K.K.K. but were able to look beyond it says something great about them,” he said. “I guess I was worried about nothing.”

Andy Borowitz is the New York Times best-selling author of “The 50 Funniest American Writers,” and a comedian who has written for The New Yorker since 1998. He writes the Borowitz Report, a satirical column on the news, for newyorker.com.