Saturday, 14 April 2018

Five Things We Learned In Corrie This Week

Kirk has more layers than an onion. You'd think after eighteen years we'd know all we needed to know about Our Kirkie, but it turns out he's like Lake Windermere: full of hidden depths. This week we learned his top three loves (3. Work; 2. Dogs; 1. Beth) and the quite remarkable fact that he can fit fourteen custard creams in his mouth. How is that even possible? He must have hamster cheeks.

The directors are getting more and more ambitious. Corrie has always been filmed in a fairly realistic, kitchen-sink style, without giving into musical montages like its cousins at Hollyoaks. In the last few weeks though we've had sudden time-lapses and epic crane shots as the directors flex their muscles and angle for a job on Marcella. The innovations reached a high point this week when a perfectly normal chat between Aidan and Johnny was filmed at a Dutch angle, making it look like an outtake from 1960s Batman. At any moment the Penguin could have burst in with a gang of amusingly named henchmen and started an elaborate fight sequence. In fact...

Holy lacy gussets, Batman!

The bistro has somewhat lax hygiene standards. "I'm sorry your lasagne tasted of Johnson's Baby Oil, Mrs Fenwick, but our chef is doing a semi-nude photo shoot in the kitchen. Just spit out any rogue hairs, we won't look."

Watch your prepositions. After boasting she was a dab hand with a shuttlecock, Jenny Bradley suggested a charity badminton match for racism. "Don't you mean against racism?" queried Angie in that slyly humorous way that makes me think she's secretly quite interesting despite all the evidence to the contrary. This caused the above AMAZING JENNY BRADLEY FACE, so I hope she goes round correcting her language more often. Perhaps Angie could go through Jenny's diary with a red pen pointing out all the times she forgot to use an apostrophe, and the camera could linger on her impotent fury throughout.

Mayors don't get paid much. Despite being the directly elected head of Weatherfield Council, it seems Sally still has to do 9-5 shifts in Underworld to make ends meet. There is a precedence for this, of course; Andy Burnham has a part-time job in Halfords, while Sadiq Khan is only mayor of London four days a week. The rest of the time he runs a pedalo kiosk on the Serpentine. I hope Aidan won't mind her constantly nipping out to open a new bypass or attend a planning meeting, and I hope Sally won't mind when Dirk up there steals her job, as he's clearly got his eye on a promotion to a speaking part and is itching for her to leave her machine free for five minutes.

Like Mary, @merseytart also fell to his knees when Princess Margaret passed, though it was in a pub just outside Filey, and to be honest it probably had more to do with the fourteen pints of Smirnoff he'd been drinking that day.