Other than buying presents, decorating, or feeling joyful in any way, I'm ready for Christmas!

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Did you hear about the shy Muslim?

He imploded.

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I am a single man seeking a life-partner to share my soul with. I am sensitive, caring and have a deeply loving nature. If you wish to give me your heart, I will give you mine and know that, held within your gentle hands, it will be safe for ever.

No fat chicks.

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I bet Martin Sheen is kicking himself right now for telling "faithless voters" that he wasn't asking them to vote for Mrs. Bill Clinton. 6 of her electors became faithless.

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An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint."Your name please?"“Abdul Aziz”“Sex? ”“Six times a week!”“No, no, I mean male or female.”“Doesn’t matter, sometimes even camel.”

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I guess the bottom line is that if you didn't want the FBI interfering with the election, you shouldn't nominate someone under FBI investigation.

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Breaking on CNN: Experts say, for the 400th time, this is the end of Donald Trump's campaign.