I've created a special feature for the print media and broadcasters ("Page Nine" regardless of where or when it runs), that covers stories afresh, not the way news rooms typically flavor things. It would help reduce the distrust so many news consumers feel and could be the most avidly followed item you carry -- if you carry it. It certainly is well received by my audience.

Here's a casual sample. It might make you say, "We'll NEVER run that!" but Page Nine is being built around ad revenues from clear-thinking mainstream businesses.

Bob Levy, who funded and represented Heller in the case, will be in Phoenix for a Federalist Society debate on it, 4/16/08 (11 a.m. $5), and at the Goldwater Institute on 4/17/08 (5 p.m., free) to discuss his new book. I'll be at both, don't miss it.
Federalist Soc.: 480-558-8300
Goldwater Inst.: 602-462-5000 ext. 223

Join Alan Korwin at The Breakfast Club for a lively discussion of the Heller case, Sat. Apr. 5, doors open 7:30 a.m., all-you-can-eat buffet $12: Coco's Restaurant, south of the Paradise Valley Mall (N. side of Cactus, 1/2 mi. W. of Tatum Blvd.)

For the first time in history, the Supreme Court is addressing the meaning of the confusing, antiquated, poorly written Second Amendment. Widely understood to protect a right of the states to arm a militia, the Court may find a "newly recognized right" (NY Times) for individuals to keep and bear arms. The District of Columbia, which bans deadly handguns, says this is a reasonable restriction based on crime statistics, rifles are better suited to home self defense than handguns, guns can be unlocked and re-loaded by an old lawyer in the dark in just three seconds, and handguns are more dangerous than machine guns. A decision is expected in June.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Hey, I didn't make that up, it's what appeared on TV, in The New York Times, USA Today, and what the city's attorney said in open court. The part about a decision in June is accurate.

The D.C. v. Heller case was the 96th gun case to reach the High Court, 36 of which name or quote from the Second Amendment. The rest deal with gun ownership, possession and use. This is clearly documented in Supreme Court Gun Cases, which reproduces all the cases, including the nearly forgotten 14 self-defense shootout cases that read like adventure novels. Heller is the 64th gun case to reach the Court since the confusing, antiquated, poorly written Miller case in 1939.

"The Supreme Court has consistently recognized an individual right to keep and bear arms for 200 years," says co-author Alan Korwin, who spent six years with two co-authors researching the book.

On the fifth anniversary of the Iraq war, we've had this many soldiers killed from our country, this many from other countries, we've spent this much money, we have endless challenges remaining, there is no end in sight unless you elect the people we tell you to, and the dead include brothers and sisters, family members, parents and good people who volunteered, possibly without realizing what they were getting into. Those surviving have wounds, mental stresses, job problems at home, and many face the horrific prospect of being reassigned to duty.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Tales of heroism and success were notably absent in lamestream reports of the 5th anniversary of this conflict, whether you support the effort or not. The media's one-sided bias is as reprehensible here as anything they've released in recent memory. There were probably some tales of accomplishment in the "news," but none crossed my desk in print, so maybe this is my fault.

Rebuilt infrastructure, newly opened embassies and consulates, the education of women, significant reductions in Islam-on-Islam bedlam between Sunnis and Shiia, massive blows to al-Qaida members and leadership, and a constant flow of valuable intelligence and oil to points outside Iraq were unreported, for reasons that remain unclear at press time. Honor, courage, valor, bravery, sacrifice, compassion and love were also unmentioned. No correction has been made.

Direct reports from valiant American soldiers deployed in Iraq, which have reached the Uninvited Ombudsman, have an upbeat and positive tone, giving an impression that people doing the heavy lifting, at least, believe things are going better than the media believes. More than one expressed shock and awe on returning home and seeing the drivel being fed to the American public. "You're not getting the truth," one soldier said.

In other news, in a small, single-column story buried on page 15 locally, the usually unreliable USA Today reports, "Foreign militants fleeing Iraq, weakened al-Qaida disenchants fighters." A growing number are fleeing "or attempting to flee," because their effort is being wrecked by U.S.-led forces.

"They're being told in their countries of origin by facilitators that, 'Hey, we're basically winning the war against the apostates,' said Brig. Gen. Michael Flynn, intelligence director for Central Command. "They go there and find out it's not quite the case." The report claims 90% of suicide bombers are foreign recruits from Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Syria, and most enter from Syria. No mention of the fifth anniversary was included in the brief report.

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3- Whether The Weather

The lamestream media told you:

"In what could be described as a monsoon dew-over, the National Weather Service will abandon its decades-old system of using dew points to mark the onset of summer thunderstorms and simply set a date," writes Shaun McKinnon, on the lead page-one story for the Arizona Republic, entitled, "This Year We'll Know." The title refers to the monsoon starting date, which changes each year depending on conditions.

"We want to get the focus away from how we determine when it starts, and put the focus on awareness (of) our most violent weather," said Tony Haffer, the federal agent in charge. By setting dates, public safety agencies can better prepare people for the risks of summer thunderstorms.

In the past ten years, measurements showed the season started between June 17 and July 19. The official date is now June 15.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Abandoning scientific principles altogether, climatologists in Arizona have decided to stop measuring conditions and simply declare a date on which the annual desert monsoon conditions begin. Whether Mother Nature agrees with the plan, or if the declared date will actually mean anything is uncertain.

"Have they lost their minds?" asked one critic who preferred to remain unnamed. "The dew-point measurements gave hard data upon which to form a rational judgment, and we can see that the monsoon conditions began over a nearly five-week period each year for the past decade." Picking some averaged date off a calendar can't possibly do that, he claims. "It's a good thing they're not managing global warming," he said, a fact that could not be immediately confirmed.

Newspaper reporter Shaun McKinnon dutifully reported the government announcement, getting the details of the press release correct on page one, so no correction is needed, as usual. He did however fail to ask how picking a date instead of taking measurements comports with the scientific method.

"Why should we, the government, be burdened with taking measurements and doing an analysis of conditions, when we can just issue an edict and rely on that?" said one estimated government spokeslady. "If we can't do that for such minor issues as science, how can we justify it for taxes, social programs or war? Think of the efficiency, and all the money it might save. Money doesn't come from rain clouds, you know."

The idea that schools might teach students that thunderstorms can be dangerous, or that people already know that, thus eliminating the need for government to pick an official start date for public safety, was not addressed. According to the "news," thunderstorms produce "damaging winds, dust clouds and flash floods." Thunder, which can scare people and pets, and lightning, which can kill people and pets, was not mentioned. The change, "reflects advances in weather forecasting technology," the reporter said, with a straight face.

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4- Gun Lawsuits Misfire

The lamestream media told you:

Reeling from wave after wave of gun crime, cities across America have filed lawsuits against gun manufacturers and the gun industry in general, to try to halt the senseless violence they initiate. These righteous lawsuits seek compensation for the acts of criminals, and are being waged by decent upstanding lawyers and smart officials across the land. Efforts to stop the criminals themselves have been hampered by the gun lobby, which seeks to arm criminals and terrorists to increase gun-industry profits, by resisting even sensible gun-control laws, according to protest signs seen at rallies.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Long criticized for using taxpayer funds to stage frivolous lawsuits against an entire industry, and blaming private businesses for the unrelated acts of desperate criminals, experts believe the recent spate of anti-rights lawsuits is actually a cover-up for the failed policies of government agencies nationwide in controlling crime and criminal perpetrators.

With the recent humiliation and resignation of New York governor Eliot Spitzer, a leading figure in the frivolous-lawsuit schemes perpetrated by anti-gun-rights politicians, the National Shooting Sports Foundation has looked into the whereabouts of others who participated in the attempt to close the gun industry through creative legal challenges.

In a shocking discovery, unreported by the same "news" organizations that loudly promoted the lawsuit attacks, a significant number of the lawsuit planners have been arrested, indicted or jailed on a wide assortment of charges. It seems these "valiant fighters for public safety" are in a thick stew of criminal activity themselves. Why this didn't make page one like the lawsuit stories repeatedly did is unclear.

When asked, experts said they were not surprised that people involved in complex legal schemes to remove the public's civil right to arms, were themselves involved in dozens of crimes. Read the list and details yourself:http://nssf.org/legal/links/corruption.cfm

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5- Candidates: Three Stooges

The lamestream media told you:

The presidential candidates are campaigning like crazy with some crazy results, but Obama seems to be the nation's favorite, despite minor problems that only involve his former preacher, and he's used that to help heal America's racial divide. Hillary "misspoke" in a recent speech, and McCain is having trouble raising money.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

Somewhere deep in America there are people with an extra $65 million on their hands, and they put it in the hands of presidential hopeful John McCain, who is having trouble raising money. His competitors raised even more money, putting him at a disadvantage.

This is the same John McCain who sponsored and pushed through the McCain-Feingold Campaign Finance Reform law, to get big money out of politics. Records show that numerous McCain contributors have also given money to all the candidates, so no matter who wins, they win, considered a clever strategy now that the effect of big money has been removed. The law also happens to provide prison time for average citizens who mention a candidate's name in a broadcast ad within 60 days of the election, a minor technicality.

Hillary's misstatement concerned the foreign-policy expertise she got on a trip to Bosnia, and was widely reported in small stories in the backs of papers, before being headlined on TV news. "I remember landing under sniper fire. There was supposed to be some kind of a greeting ceremony at the airport, but instead we just ran with our heads down to get into the vehicles to get to our base."

Cut her some slack, folks, it's the kind of simple error anyone could make, and even she called a "minor blip." The usually reliable AP at the time though reported no extraordinary risks on the entire trip, and TV image re-runs show her smiling and kissing children, with no sniper fire.

As for Barack H. Obama, he's in such deep doo the Uninvited Ombudsman need not comment, and will instead wait for confirmation of BHO's statements of blissful religious ignorance -- from his wedding and baptism videos reporters are scrounging around to get their hands on.

McCain has not yet renounced his support for the gun-show bill he introduced that, despite his statements to the contrary, would have permanently closed gun shows. Such a retraction would go a long way to rekindling support for him in some quarters, and I am willing to make myself available at any time in any place to receive it.

(The bill, in small print, provides for the imprisonment of the show organizer if any two people, even in the parking lot, discuss the sale of a gun, even a gun they don't have with them, and subjects them to arrest as well; it is possible McCain was unaware of this, and many other helatious aspects of his bill -- like central registration of anyone who exhibits or even walks in -- which are detailed in plain English at gunlaws.com.)http://www.gunlaws.com/GunShows/index.htm

So, based on news reports, all the candidates are stooges. Is it too late to get someone good to run, so we have someone we can vote for, instead of people we can vote against?

And -- do any of these little lies and deceits matter, with big lies floating around unchallenged, like -- government somehow has been delegated power to run an insurance company and can manage your health care better than doctors?

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6- Armed Government Drunks

The lamestream media told you:

Virginian's breathed a sigh of relief when governor Kaine wisely vetoed SB 476, a dangerous bill that would have allowed the public to go drinking in bars while carrying loaded guns. "We need sensible gun laws to protect the public," numerous pundits said in prominent news stories for a week. "Guns and alcohol are a deadly mixture, and the governor did the right thing. We don't want blood in the streets."

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

SB 476, which would have allowed trained, FBI-certified citizens with state-issued firearm-carry permits to carry lawfully possessed sidearms into restaurants, as long as they consumed NO alcohol, was passed by both houses of the Virginia legislature, but vetoed by the governor. This will keep sober citizens disarmed while they eat, for public safety.

In a move that stunned all observers, the governor then signed SB 776, which allows Commonwealth Attorneys and their deputies (the equivalent of District Attorneys in other states) to carry concealed handguns into restaurants AND drink alcohol if they wish. Unlike the public, the attorneys and deputies need NO training of any kind to carry, eat and drink spirits while armed under this law.

"The governor clearly believes in a double standard: one for anyone who works for the government, no matter how unqualified, and one for "lowly" citizens, like you and I," said Philip Van Cleave, President of the now legendary civil-rights group, the Virginia Citizens Defense League.http://www.vcdl.org.

"The governor's mantra about 'guns and alcohol not mixing' is just so much BS and the governor isn't even trying to hide that fact. Kaine's signature on SB 776 says it all," Van Cleave said.

The governor, who graduated from Harvard, has publicly denied all this (caught on tape at the link below), but to his dismay, the bills themselves contradict his denials (contact VCDL for the bill specifics). "He tried to play gun owners for suckers and got caught with his hand in the cookie jar," says Van Cleave, who is pressing the governor for an admission and apology, and asking for a public letter-writing campaign to add pressure to get the truth out.http://www.vcdl.org/media/Kaine031908.wmv

Firearm and hunting gear sales grew 4.1% in 2006, to $3.7 billion, to reach the number two spot in national athletic and sporting goods sales. This forced golf, at $3.66 billion, down into third place. Only exercise equipment had bigger sales than firearms/hunting gear.

"Bias and deception in the news takes many forms," according to sources close to the Uninvited Ombudsman. "This one is very subtle but very effective. Give a ton of exposure to one elite white-collar "sport" and make it seem mainstream, then totally black out another bigger sport, and pretend it doesn't exist, even though people spend more money on it. The impression the public gets then completely distorts the policy debates."

This is easily measured when the same "news" outlets conduct polls, and find the poll results closely match the stories they hand out, which surprises no one but the uninformed. Many poorly informed "news" consumers inaccurately take it for granted that golf is big time and shooting sports are marginal backwoods hobbies of fat toothless beer-guzzling destitute bubbas in dirty t-shirts living in shacks. This despite the proliferation of high-end firearm megastores like Cabellas, Bass Pro and Academy nationwide.

Included in the hunting- and shooting-related equipment category are firearms ($2.18 billion in 2006 sales), airguns ($224.1 million), ammunition ($977.1 million), knives ($51.8 million), paintball guns/packages ($220.9 million) and reloading equipment ($52.0 million). A study conducted by author Alan Korwin found that Americans buy between five and nine billion rounds of ammunition yearly, none of which goes into crime. "So where does it go?" asked one reporter, incredulously. Downrange, buddy, downrange (and into storage...).

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8- Pilots Don't Carry

The lamestream media told you:

A US Airways pilot's gun discharged in the cockpit on Tue., March 25. No details were immediately available on how or why the gun fired, where the bullet went, who exactly is going to investigate what or for how long and which of six competing government agencies got notified in what order after the event was over, but at least no one was hurt according to official reports. The passengers were apparently unaware of the incident. It's the first time a gun went off accidentally under the federal armed pilots program, now five years old.

The Uninvited Ombudsman notes however that:

After several years of delays in implementing the "armed pilots" program, the federal government decided it couldn't trust people who fly planes with hundreds of people on board to carry firearms, even though most commercial pilots are former military officers.

Instead, they came up with a scheme, finally enacted, in which pilots would be certified as "Federal Flight Deck Officers," and the federal officers could then be armed. A person is only an FFDO while on the flight deck, formerly known as the cockpit, and can only possess the firearm there, a jurisdiction of several square feet, probably the smallest in the world. The idea that "pilots are now armed" is just inaccurate enough to bother the Uninvited Ombudsman, who critics say is very picky.

The incident confirms that the wild fears of explosive decompression and downed aircraft, completely debunked during tests and hearings, were baloney. A shot right through the fuselage of a jumbo jet "makes a whistling noise" according to the experts. That's it. The Goldfinger movie, which prompted many of the ungrounded fears, was a movie.

Airplanes already have gaping holes designed into them to allow fresh air in and stale air out, so passengers can breathe. Later reports indicated the .40 caliber round from the H&K pierced the fuselage on the pilot's side at about 8,000 feet over Charlotte, NC. Location of the spent round is unknown.

A commercial pilot, speaking on condition of anonymity, criticized "insane" policies of the TSA, and guessed the discharge might have something to do with the massive 4-tumbler-and-key brass lock TSA requires through the trigger guard of the firearm.

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Hi Alan – thanks for an entertaining few minutes as usual with the page nine info. I always enjoy reading the email. --David G.

Thanks for Page9, I enjoy every issue! --Peter B.

Please add me and thank you for the real news. Ronald L., Honolulu HI

Alan, Thanks for running the brilliant guest commentary by Craig Cantoni. This piece will be circulated to all my acquaintances who believe that their "liberal" or "conservative" viewpoint is superior to that of the opposing party. And please say a prayer for all us gunnies while you are sitting in the SCOTUS (lucky rascal!) Stan M.

Great stuff. You do a bang up job! --Becky

Thanks for fighting the good fight for us --Sean W.

Alan- Excellent, as usual. Page Nine is a breath of fresh air. I really enjoy your comments on current events, pointing out the idiocy of the "lamestream media." Keep up the good work and let me know if I can do anything to help. "If there must be shooting, YOU SHOOT FIRST!" -Smith & Wesson advertisement, early 20th Century. --Charlie C.

I strongly suspect that the majority of teachers in this country are not fit to carry a firearm. After all, they are a product of these same schools. They believe a gun will "jump up under its own volition" and go shoot somebody. It would take years of psychological to correct this deformity. Talk about the lame leading the lame! --Max H.

[Alan: It's not that they expect the gun to act on its own, rather, I suspect they fear their own mental composure, which might compel them to pick the thing up and go berserk, unable to contain their wildest inner turmoils. I think liberals project onto others the weaknesses they themselves suffer, assuming everyone is as they are. So, yes, I guess you're right, they're unfit but for other reasons, and thankfully, opt out of gun ownership on their own. The fear-projection problem is well recognized --http://www.gunlaws.com/GunHate.htm

Mesages too long.takes too long to read. Give report on candidates their feeling on gun control. Thanks for fighting for my guns. --john