Essential Gear to Survive a Zombie Attack

You can never be too prepared for any situation, especially a zombie attack. Assuming you can’t get your hands on an AK-47 or an antidote, you’re going to need some supplies. We’ve come up with a list of the MUST HAVE Zombie Attack survival gear.

Titanium Cricket Bat

Blunt objects are the next best thing to firearms when it comes to fighting off a horde of zombies. Of course the cricket bat, made popular by Shaun of the Dead, makes a perfect zombie killer with a long flat surface, but unlike the wooden one used in the movie, we suspect a titanium cricket bat might leave a bigger impression… in their skulls. $309

Ray Ban Bold Sunglasses

First and foremost, you can’t expect to look bad ass while smashing in zombie heads without a cool pair of shades. Ray Ban Bold Sunglasses being the obvious choice for zombie invasion, since they look great and are made from durable polycarbonate. $120

Zombie Brain Gelatin Mold

Zombies are notoriously hungry for brains, but luckily they’re not notoriously clever. Use that to your advantage and deceive the evil dead with Jello Brains! You can leave a trail of fake brains for them to follow to keep them from pursuing yours. Or if these are a particularly stupid brand of zombie, you can blend in by pretending to eat brains in front of your so-called perished peers. $7

Ballistic Groin Protector

Anything can happen during a zombie invasion so never rule out possibilities like kinky zombies or stray bullets. You’re fighting for the survival of the humanity, so protect your junk! When the dust settles and 90% of humanity is dead, it may be up to you and a handful of survivors to repopulate the human race. So if you think you spend a lot of time protecting the goods now, imagine how you’ll feel when the fate of the world may rest in your lap! $14

Lightweight Soft Case First Aid Kit

While a first aid kid can’t help you if you’ve been infected, it’s still a good idea to keep one around in case you accidentally shoot yourself, break something or get bitten by something non-zombie (like a snake or a creepy goth chick). In that case you should use something lightweight and portable like this Soft Case First 205 Piece Aid Kit, weighing in at only 1.3 lbs, but packed full of all kinds of bandages, pain relief, splints, wound closures and more. $17

Zombie Me by No More Kings

When the unthinkable happens and a zombie bites you, leaving you with the eloquence of livestock and the fever for the flavor of a human brain… you’re going to need some tunes. Zombie Me by No More Kings describes the ups and downs of joining the ranks of the undead and may help you cope with your new situation. $0.99

Cordless Electric Chainsaw

Well you might not NEED a chainsaw to survive a zombie attack, but you will if you plan to have any fun! We suggest a cordless electric chain saw since you’re going to have to minimize on weight and extra objects like gasoline and maximize on mobility. The Black & Decker CCS818 18-Volt Cordless Electric Chain Saw will cut through up to 10 or 15 zombies on a single charge! At only 6.2 lbs, you can hang on to it and only use it when things get really hairy. $110

ATAC Storm Boots

Well protected feet will help you run farther; making a decent pair of combat boots your best friend in a zombie survival situation. And we couldn’t think of a better paid than the ATAC Storm boots since they are not only waterproof but blood borne pathogen resistant—they were practically designed with a zombie attack in mind! $130

Life Gear Survival Backpack (Bug Out Bag)

The Life Gear Survival Backpack offers 3 days of supplies, which we imagine is plenty of time either since the rescue helicopter will arrive before then or everyone will be eaten alive by zombies. The backpack includes a first aid kit, drinking system food and water storage, a respirator mask in case the infection is airborne and other items. To save space, we think you can toss the hygiene kit since no one will notice what you smell like amidst all the rotting flesh. $68

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

Forget the Zombie Survival Guide. The best way to understand zombies is to understand how zombies feel though a classic love story adapted to include zombies. In Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Elizabeth Bennet finds herself faced with the task of destroying zombies attacking her once quiet English village while dealing with matters of love. Find strength in Elizabeth’s plight in the reimaging of Jane Austen’s classic novel. $8

Large Crowbar

Sure, there are probably better crowbars on the market, but something about the non descript “Large Crowbar” reminds us of the simple elegance of an inventory from a Silent Hill game, making this seem like the perfect tool for the job. But since in real life you don’t just find large crowbars lying around on the street, you may have to purchase this one. $12

Razor Full Face Helmet

Whether or not you’re able to snag a motorcycle to get away during a zombie attack, a full face helmet isn’t a bad idea. The Razor Full Face Helmet not only protects your juicy juicy brains, but we imagine that big pointy front would make it harder for zombies to get close to your face. Sure you might feel kind of silly wearing a helmet when not riding a bike, but you’ll be grateful when the zombies start mutating and spitting face huggers at you. $31

Survival Hatchet

Screw a kitchen knife! Those things break at the handles. What you really need is a 4″ Survival Hatchet for those close calls. A compact weapon that’s small enough that you can strap it to your hip—even your girlfriend could carry one in her purse! Being conscious of not overloading, this hatchet only weighs a little over a pound. $43

Neck Protector

We’re just gonna throw this one out there… if a zombie isn’t going right for the main course (ie your brain) then he’s looking for exposed flesh to bite right? Minimize on the amount of skin you’re flashing and protect your neck and reduce the risk of getting turned. For under $10 (or after the looting begins, free) you’ll thank us for the suggestion when we all meet up at the safe house. $6

Walkie Talkie Headsets

Survival horror movies have taught us 2 important things: 1. Don’t split up, and 2.Cell phones don’t ever work in emergency situations. If for some reason you have to break rule number 1, you should at least have some means of communicating with your fellow survivors. However, we suggest something hands free with a headset so the zombies can’t hear your partner on the other end asking why you got so quiet. $25

Personal Locator Beacon/GPS

Don’t you ever wonder how exactly the rescue team knows where to find survivors? Don’t count on luck; get the ARC Microfix 406 Personal Beacon. When trigged, the Beacon sends a distress call with personal info, location and medical information via satellite to anyone looking for survivors. We suppose this may come in handy in non-zombie related threats too. $600

18 Key Professional Bump Key Set

Everyone knows that the best weapons, health packs and secret notes are behind locked doors. Everyone also knows that there’s no way to kick down or cut through, even the flimsiest of locked doors. That’s why you need this set up Professional Bump Keys to help you navigate your way through a zombie infested city on lock down. $50

Zombie Identification Chart Fridge Magnet

It’s vital that you make sure your targets are not zombies before you eliminate them. Well, maybe not exactly VITAL, because better safe than infected, right? Either way, this fridge magnet illustrates the difference between zombies and other people who may approach you with outstretch arm spouting incoherent nonsense at you. $6

Instead of hitting a ton of different stores to satisfy all your gift giving needs, just stop by the JackThreads Gift Shop, where the JackThreads team has curated a collection of seriously solid gifts anyone would love. They’ve chosen one-size-fits-all clothing—beanies, watches, etc.—so you don’t have to worry about an improper fit, barware, home goods, and grooming supplies, all of which you’ll probably want to keep for yourself, which is okay as long as you don’t forget about your nearest and dearest. Shop now and consider your holiday stress over with.