Black Queen

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December 2014, I asked God to fix me. I had NO IDEA what was about to go down.

By December 2015, I could barely breathe so great was my discomfort with everything and my annoyance with everyone in my life.

Now it is December 2016, and I am not the same person. I am not the same person. God brought me full circle and I am looking at who I was, and I am not that person.

That person was a work horse whose gifts and insights were belittled and demeaned while at the same time misused and abused.

That person built up other people only to be left standing empty handed as those same people poured the very life I needed into others.

That person swallowed disappointment after excruciating disappointment to save the feelings and egos of people who turned around and crushed me.

That person ate the bitter ends of being entitled to the labor but not the fruit thereof as others snatched the honey of blessing from my lips.

That person had no safe space in which to rest even though my breast held the horror and pain of those around me.

But I am worth more.

I am worth more than a clean house, a cooked meal, a paycheck. I am worth more than begging for the scraps of love leftover while watching others receive the care and kindness that belonged to me. I am worth more than empty arms and bitter tears and dreams deferred in favor of another’s dreams flourishing. I am worth more than what I can do to please and appease egos that turn on me to devour me in resentment for all that I do ti make it work.