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You compare your new man with your Ex, and your new relationship with your failed ones.

When you are starting a new relationship, you are sensitive, vulnerable and all your senses

You deserve this, right? Of course you do!

are heightened – and so are his, whether this shows on the surface or not. This means that you are both highly tuned to picking up subtle energies and intuitive messages from each other.

If you’ve been hurt in the past – perhaps your last man cheated on you, left you, lied to you, abused you or just wasn’t capable of making a commitment. Regardless of the reason why your last relationship failed, part of your mind remains in that pain and trauma trying to analyse and rationalise the experience. This isn’t something we do consciously, it’s just how our subconscious mind works.

When your mind starts comparing the new with the old – asking whether you can possibly trust again, whether he will be faithful, whether he will be dependable – this triggers the trauma of the past and brings fear into the present.

Your new man will feel this doubt and fear on some level. Frankly, it’s like a poison which will undermine your new relationship before it even gets going.

So, what can you do about this?

The way to bring yourself out of this trap is to understand what your subconscious is really doing. So, let’s put ourselves into your subconscious mind now and work out what’s happening!

You have had a painful experience in your past. Your mind is still hurting from this experience and terrified of it happening again. So, it locks itself into the past to try to work out what it has learnt. Your subconscious believes that it must learn from the past in order to prevent it happening again.

Now, most people go wrong in this because they look at the negative lessons. This doesn’t free you from the past. Instead you need to look for the POSITIVE LESSONS. Yes, I know it sounds bizarre, but this is the way to bring yourself out of the past trauma and pain. The subconscious learns the highest truth by experiencing the opposite. If you understand this, you can use this knowledge to stop your past poisoning your future.

Instead of dwelling on what was wrong with your last man, think instead about what that experience has taught you. What positive things have you learnt from that man’s bad example? How should a man behave? How should the father of your children behave? What have you learnt about the sort of relationship you want? What about the sort of relationship you deserve?

Do you need to be cheated on over and over again to learn that you deserve a loyal faithful partner? Do you need to have a succession of abusive partners to learn how a relationship between a man and woman should be – based on mutual love, support, respect and fun? Do you and your children need to be abandoned to learn that a real man always shoulders his responsibilities?

Of course you don’t! When you put it like this, it sounds obvious doesn’t it. The trouble is that the subconscious tends to get stuck in its own agenda and doesn’t realise it is sabotaging the future you want for yourself. Consciously, you can be the most optimistic person in the world, but your subconscious probably won’t be taking any notice. That’s the way it is. However, understanding is power, and you can do something about this when you understand.

How did my ex’s behaviour fall short? How should he have behaved? What would an ideal man have done in that situation?

What was that relationship like? Did it fulfil what I need in terms of support, love, fidelity, commitment etc?

How did that relationship make me feel in terms of my self-worth and value? What is my real value?

What qualities have become stronger in me by going through that experience? Am I stronger now, more sensitive to others, more understanding, more independent?

Ok, so having done this, you should have a nice list of things. You should have things there about the highest definition of a relationship. Highest understanding about how a man should behave towards a woman and towards children, whether they are his or not. You should have an understanding that you deserve nothing but the best in a relationship. You should understand that you don’t need to compromise or take second best because you are an amazing women with a lot to offer. You should realise that even though you have suffered in the past, those experiences has made you a stronger and wiser person.

Now all this is the higher wisdom your subconscious wants to learn. Remember, once you’ve learnt something, you have that wisdom for ever. You don’t have to keep on learning the same lesson over and over again if the wisdom is the same! If you’ve learnt to speak French, you don’t have to keep taking the exam every time you want to order a bottle of vin rouge on holiday! Having been through these experiences once, you now have all of that wisdom. It’s learnt, finished and completed. Don’t waste your life repeating those lessons.

Right, so you’re now going to bring your subconscious round to your way of thinking.

So, now close your eyes, focus in your heart for a moment and just tell your subconscious that you now know all of this wisdom. You’ve learnt those things, and staying locked in your past relationships is going to do nothing except sabotage the future and have you repeating the same patterns. Tell yourself that you now have all that wisdom – be specific and tell your mind what you have learnt – and also that you don’t need to keep repeating those bad relationships to keep learning. Frankly, that’s one huge waste of time!! Just imagine that wisdom like a warm golden energy, soaking deep into your mind, and imagine all those lessons being marked as completed and finished. Then tell your subconscious that there’s no need to stay in the past any longer, and no need to repeat the same negative experiences. It has all the wisdom it needed. That’s all over now.

Repeat this process every day for at least four weeks. This way, the new way of thinking will become imprinted into your mind, and will become natural and automatic for you. When this is done, you will begin to move forwards with your life, taking with you the positive wisdom, but leaving behind the sabotaging baggage!

Remember, when your mind stops dwelling on the past, the subtle messages you put out will change. Instead of poisoning future relationships with doubt, insecurity and fear, you’ll go into a relationship with a more positive and open outlook. You will be open to the fact that men aren’t all bad, they are just people. There are good, loving, responsible, faithful and committed men out there, and you deserve a relationship with someone like that!

You deserve all this in your now, so don’t let your past get in the way. Instead use that past to become wise and create the future you really want.