THE SONICS USED TO BE SO COOL

Holy crap. Injury Rate of FanIQ! at the Disco just gave me the joy equivalent of four Oregon lineman calendars when he turned up these early-21st century commercials for Seattle Sonics promotions. They star little-known Predrag "Peja" Drobnjak and his even littler-known cat Jinkkies. The one above also features former Sonic Jerome James as an alien bear, which — admit it — is a role he was born to play.

No team in Oklahoma City could ever have commercials this awesome. Which is why Sonics owner Clay Bennett's final agonizing moments of life will be spent with me fornicating with his eye sockets. I will then bleach his skull and use it as a chalice. No, a coffee mug. I'd get more use out of a coffee mug.