The Vampire Formerly Known As Bree

Summary:
Bree, the newborn Carlisle spared in Eclipse at the end of the big fight, tells her feelings on being a vampire in a stolen notebook. It takes place before her encounter with the "yellow-eyes".

Notes:

1. Chapter 1

Who am I anymore? I honestly don’t know. I have to write it down... I keep forgetting. I keep forgetting whenever I get hungry and then all I can remember is that hunger. No, not hunger really. What was that word he had said? That blonde boy who’s in charge? Oh GOD I’m hungry. But I’m always hungry. Now. No, not hungry, not hungry... thirsty. That’s what he’d called it. The thirst. I can guess what I am now, though before I wouldn’t even dare to think it. After all, it’s impossible. But the evidence is in me, in my never ending thirst. He’d said that, too. He’d said, “It is our punishment, and our gift. Without the thirst we would be doomed to a fragile moral existence. But with it we are gods,”. Is that blasphemy? To call myself a god? I guess it doesn’t matter. God probably has no need for me in heaven, now. Because I know what I am, and it’s no god. I am a vampire now.

Oh! The breeze! I hate the breeze! Why’s it so goddamn windy in this stupid place! I wish I could sleep, but I’m never tired. I wish I could go home, but I don’t want to think about what would happen if I did. If I smelled my parents. If I forgot who I was again... No! I am Bree McDonald! I am fifteen and a half years old! I live with my mother, Mary McDonald, and my father, Kevin McDonald! I have a dog named Button! He’s a cocker spaniel! My best friend is Carolyn Jameston! I live in Seattle, Washington! I... I... no. None of that is true. I was Bree McDonald. But not anymore.

I guess if I’m a vampire, that means it’s okay for me to steal. I’ve already killed... I don’t know how many. Was it just that one? Or more... All I remember was the pain. My memories from before it happened seem so muddled now. The new ones are so much clearer. I remember the pain. So much pain. I thought I would die. I begged for death. It did not come, but after the pain was over and done with, it was still night. Or maybe a new night. Maybe a few new nights, I don’t know. But I remember running. I didn’t know I could run that fast. I’ve always been the slowest one in gym class. But I was able to outrun the blonde boy. What’s his name? Miley? Like that Disney singer...? No, no it’s Riley. I think. I was so, so thirsty. I blacked out after that. I only remember when he’d found me and dragged me away from the hobo corpse I’d been drinking. I realized how disgusting I was. Me, who always carries around a bottle of hand sanitizer in my back pocket... it seemed almost indecent as I sanitized my hands afterwards. Like I’d just finished eating some barbecued ribs. Yeah, just some ribs. Of a human being.

Now I’m in a basement somewhere. I don’t know for sure. I think it’s day now. They never let us out during the day. I say ‘they’ because there must be more than that blonde boy, though he never tells us of anyone else. I don’t know why we can’t go out in the daylight... do we melt or something? But down here there is all this junk. I think we must be in the basement of an apartment building. All of us, there’s something like seventeen now, amuse ourselves by breaking into the boxes of the residents. I found a half filled up diary of a young girl. I felt bad ripping out all the pages she’d written in, but I think if she knew how much I needed to vent, she’d understand. I found some Crayola Magic Markers in another box. That’s what I’m using to write with. I need to talk to someone... and to be honest, even though I’m one, too, I can’t bring myself to have a conversation with a bunch of vampires. They scare me. It’s what Riley had said. He said there was only one thing that could kill a vampire. And that’s another vampire. That’s why we need to kill those yellow-eyes. Before they killed us. He said the city belonged to us. He said he’s going to get us a scent to memorize. But how do I do that? I have no idea how to memorize a scent. Dogs can do that, but people? I’m not a person anymore, though. I have to remember that.