That's because survival literally depends upon our connection with
our parents. As such, there are many ways abandonment fears can get
triggered and imprinted in an infant, thus setting the abandonment
pattern for how the grown-up will relate to loved ones in the
future.

As infants, we are extremely sensitive to every nuance in the
behaviour and reactions of our parents. After all, they already know
about this world and we only just arrived.

The conditions that give rise to these abandonment patterns don't
necessarily require that Mom/Dad permanently leave the scene. For
instance, they can be physically there but abandon you by not being
emotionally
present, an abandonment situation that is easily and painfully
recognized by the infant.

Parents can also abandon you emotionally if they find another
interest that absorbs their time and energy, such as a new
relationship, a new child, etc. This is why birth order or the time
spacing between children can have such a strong impact on the
growing child.

Indeed, research shows that an infant will show signs of clinical
depression from abandonment if Mom is absent for more than two
weeks. These "depression" and abandonment neuropathways develop at a
time when early experiences have a crucial impact on the developing
brain. Susceptibility gets imprinted, so that in adulthood we're at
higher risk for depression and abandonment issues.

Abandonment issues can be resolved

From day one, and throughout our lives, we have a biological need
for connection with others. We need security, protection, physical
contact, communication, and a sense of belonging. As infants, the
only way of satisfying these needs is to learn how to communicate
them to our caregivers. The catch - we must do this before we even
know how to speak!

In other words, we originally learned to relate to others
exclusively through experience.

The pattern of relating that you learn in the early years forms a
fixed emotional template that determines all your later relationships.
If the parenting you experienced was indifferent,
inconsistent, or even abusive, then your emotional template will
program a dysfunctional pattern of relating to people that will
hamper you for the rest of your life.

Now the brain's plasticity, or adaptability, continues as long as we
live. This means that you can replace that template at any time, but
you need to have new experiences. You need to somehow reproduce
the conditions in which your personal template was originally formed so
that a new one can arise.

Feelings of abandonment can be worked through in a loving
relationship with a partner who understands. However, what's
critically important is that these abandonment fears be communicated
and owned by you.

It doesn't necessarily mean that your partner must change his or
her behaviour. But through his or her loving care and understanding you
can begin to resolve these abandonment fears. You resolve these
abandonment fears by experiencing something different.

This process can take years however and it's inherently fraught with
difficulties because our fears in relationships can undermine a
solid foundation.

And here's where therapy for abandonment issues comes in.

This is often the best option – resolving your unresolved
abandonment issues before they reach a crisis, when therapeutic
interventions for abandonment are less effective. By having new,
growth-producing experiences with the right therapist, you can
gradually transform the dysfunctional abandonment template that
you've been burdened with.

But with the right therapist, someone who is
acutely attuned to your emotional and physical states, you can
identify those dysfunctional emotional patterns of abandonment and
gradually replace them with new, mature ways of relating.

Transformation is possible because plasticity is continual.

Find the right therapist for you and you're half-way there.

Author Bio: Dr. Suzanne LaCombe is a psychotherapist / psychologist
and publisher of MyShrink.com, an educational website on using
counseling to expand your life. To learn more about Abandonment
Issues visit
MyShrink.com.

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