There is something very strange and insidious going on in our society whereby any form of physical violence is seen as somehow so much worse than other forms of abuse, neglect, harm, cruelty, meanness or other immorality.

For instance, say I was married for many years and had been nothing short of a perfect husband to my wife for all that time. Say, then, that I found out my wife had been cheating on me for many years and, in fact, that the children I thought were my own were indeed some other man's. Say also that the money I had been slaving away on a daily basis to earn to support my wife and children had actually been put towards the comfort and leisure of this other man. Say then, that in the moment of intense psychological anguish when this was all revealed to me, I punched my wife and let her with a black eye (but no more than that). For who does the criminal justice system reserve its recriminations? Even though the psychic scars left by the emotional abuse are likely to long outlast the physical violence, the criminal justice system has nothing to say to my wife, but has a jail term or other punishment waiting for me. Even though the one might lead to a crippling depression and perhaps suicide, there is no "pink ribbon day for victims of infidelity", though there are countless causes for victims of domestic violence.

The same dynamic is at play in the realm of child-rearing.

Back when the child safety authorities were my primary legal client, I used to find it vaguely amusing whenever they would occasionally find a "child at risk of harm" and the only evidence of such risk would be that the child had been spanked with an open palm or beaten on the backside with a ruler -- everything else would point to the child being incredibly well-adjusted and successful at life, even privileged. Often such children had surnames like Chan or Papadopoulos. The social workers could barely contain their indignation that the child had to suffer such a terrible existence. Meanwhile, some other child would have a barely-with-it parent (only one, of course) who was barely able to form a functioning and healthy parental relationship with the child due to abuse of drugs or alcohol or the preferencing of the needs of numerous (usually) boyfriends over the needs of the child, and yet such a person would be given numerous chances by the social workers and the justice system and would even be perceived in many cases as a victim in her own way.

There is something about physical violence which causes modern man to flinch in a way that is totally irrational and bizarre, and yet a blind eye is turned on a daily basis to all sorts of other heinous cruelty and meanness which often leave a more lasting impression. None of the above is meant to justify violence, only to highlight that there are many more ways of hurting a person, none of which we would ever dream of making illegal.

Lord, have mercy on us.

PS: this is not addressed to the OP but much of what has been said since.

There is something very strange and insidious going on in our society whereby any form of physical violence is seen as somehow so much worse than other forms of abuse, neglect, harm, cruelty, meanness or other immorality.

For instance, say I was married for many years and had been nothing short of a perfect husband to my wife for all that time. Say, then, that I found out my wife had been cheating on me for many years and, in fact, that the children I thought were my own were indeed some other man's. Say also that the money I had been slaving away on a daily basis to earn to support my wife and children had actually been put towards the comfort and leisure of this other man. Say then, that in the moment of intense psychological anguish when this was all revealed to me, I punched my wife and let her with a black eye (but no more than that). For who does the criminal justice system reserve its recriminations? Even though the psychic scars left by the emotional abuse are likely to long outlast the physical violence, the criminal justice system has nothing to say to my wife, but has a jail term or other punishment waiting for me. Even though the one might lead to a crippling depression and perhaps suicide, there is no "pink ribbon day for victims of infidelity", though there are countless causes for victims of domestic violence.

The same dynamic is at play in the realm of child-rearing.

Back when the child safety authorities were my primary legal client, I used to find it vaguely amusing whenever they would occasionally find a "child at risk of harm" and the only evidence of such risk would be that the child had been spanked with an open palm or beaten on the backside with a ruler -- everything else would point to the child being incredibly well-adjusted and successful at life, even privileged. Often such children had surnames like Chan or Papadopoulos. The social workers could barely contain their indignation that the child had to suffer such a terrible existence. Meanwhile, some other child would have a barely-with-it parent (only one, of course) who was barely able to form a functioning and healthy parental relationship with the child due to abuse of drugs or alcohol or the preferencing of the needs of numerous (usually) boyfriends over the needs of the child, and yet such a person would be given numerous chances by the social workers and the justice system and would even be perceived in many cases as a victim in her own way.

There is something about physical violence which causes modern man to flinch in a way that is totally irrational and bizarre, and yet a blind eye is turned on a daily basis to all sorts of other heinous cruelty and meanness which often leave a more lasting impression. None of the above is meant to justify violence, only to highlight that there are many more ways of hurting a person, none of which we would ever dream of making illegal.

Lord, have mercy on us.

PS: this is not addressed to the OP but much of what has been said since.

Vengeance is mine sayest the Lord.

Those who are unfaithful will pay the price.

Logged

The memory of God should be treasured in our hearts like the precious pearl mentioned in the Holy Gospel. Our life's goal should be to nurture and contemplate God always within, and never let it depart, for this steadfastness will drive demons away from us. - Paraphrased from St. Philotheus of Sinai Writings from the Philokalia: On Prayer of the Heart,Translated from the Russian by E. Kadloubovksy and G.E.H. Palmer, Faber and Faber, London, Boston, 1992 printing.

Well, Asia, Africa and South America have many evangelicals. And in Eastern Europe, spanking is not usual. It seems to me that in Ukraine only drunk parents would beat their children. Otherwise, they would spoil them and try to fulfill each and every wish.

Depends. Officially, Ukraine has passed the law that makes corporal punishment illegal both in schools and at home. However, I am not sure that all parents even know about this law. And I happen to know even one former legislator, a member of the Volyn' oblast parliament, who most certainly knew about that law but, nonetheless, had no problem slapping his daughters across the face on on the behind even when they were teenagers. (This always made my wife and daughter and myself furious, but his wife somehow thought that it was OK because the girls "deserved it" and "it was not all that bad.")

There is something very strange and insidious going on in our society whereby any form of physical violence is seen as somehow so much worse than other forms of abuse, neglect, harm, cruelty, meanness or other immorality.

For instance, say I was married for many years and had been nothing short of a perfect husband to my wife for all that time. Say, then, that I found out my wife had been cheating on me for many years and, in fact, that the children I thought were my own were indeed some other man's. Say also that the money I had been slaving away on a daily basis to earn to support my wife and children had actually been put towards the comfort and leisure of this other man. Say then, that in the moment of intense psychological anguish when this was all revealed to me, I punched my wife and let her with a black eye (but no more than that). For who does the criminal justice system reserve its recriminations? Even though the psychic scars left by the emotional abuse are likely to long outlast the physical violence, the criminal justice system has nothing to say to my wife, but has a jail term or other punishment waiting for me. Even though the one might lead to a crippling depression and perhaps suicide, there is no "pink ribbon day for victims of infidelity", though there are countless causes for victims of domestic violence.

I've had buddies tell me that prison ain't all that bad. Not as bad as movies make it out to be, at least...

Quote

The same dynamic is at play in the realm of child-rearing.

Back when the child safety authorities were my primary legal client, I used to find it vaguely amusing whenever they would occasionally find a "child at risk of harm" and the only evidence of such risk would be that the child had been spanked with an open palm or beaten on the backside with a ruler -- everything else would point to the child being incredibly well-adjusted and successful at life, even privileged. Often such children had surnames like Chan or Papadopoulos. The social workers could barely contain their indignation that the child had to suffer such a terrible existence. Meanwhile, some other child would have a barely-with-it parent (only one, of course) who was barely able to form a functioning and healthy parental relationship with the child due to abuse of drugs or alcohol or the preferencing of the needs of numerous (usually) boyfriends over the needs of the child, and yet such a person would be given numerous chances by the social workers and the justice system and would even be perceived in many cases as a victim in her own way.

There is something about physical violence which causes modern man to flinch in a way that is totally irrational and bizarre, and yet a blind eye is turned on a daily basis to all sorts of other heinous cruelty and meanness which often leave a more lasting impression. None of the above is meant to justify violence, only to highlight that there are many more ways of hurting a person, none of which we would ever dream of making illegal.

Lord, have mercy on us.

PS: this is not addressed to the OP but much of what has been said since.

Lord have mercy on us, indeed. On this side of the Pacific/Equator I've also noticed that people with the 'furrin' last names seem to be the ones who discipline their children. I have a feeling that in this country, at least, it will be the Nguyens and Hernandezes who are going to outlast the Johnsons and Millers.