the situation - page 2

Let me just open with a bold statement: Ron and Sammi need to get off my television, ASAP. Their negativity is clogging up the screen and prohibiting Snooki from getting her fist pump on. Seriously, get these two epic losers off of MTV before I JWoww their whiny behinds.

Okay, when did the Jersey Shore become about heartfelt "feelings" and "emotions" instead of bar fights, beating the beat and smushing? SERIOUSLY. Thank goodness we had MVP running a very serious game plan last night about how they were going to maneuver three girls and a grenade to get us through the hour.

Is anyone else seeing a darker side of the Jersey Shore this season? No? Just me? Maybe I should take off my sunglasses when I'm inside. Ahhhh, much better. So far this season on J.S. there has been one underlying theme making its way through Miami: smush or get smushed. When you're smushin', you're crushing it, you're lookin good, you're rocking GTL and just ruling South Beach.

After discovering that Justin Timberlake's restaurant, Southern Hospitality in NYC serves fried pickles, I obviously dragged my roommate, whom I lovingly refer to as JWowww, before last night's new episode of Jersey Shore. Snooki was right: they totally take pickles to the next level. And leave me completely nauseous and unable to fistpump for the rest of the night.

First and foremost, this has been the most anticipated show of the year for me. Needless to say, episode one of the Jersey Shore did not disappoint. From the first ten minutes (which we already saw) to the last, it was chock-full of immobile hair, grainy over-contrasted filter shots, super fruity blended drinks and fist pumps galore.

As your official Jersey Shore recapper for the summer, I wanted to bring you a taste of what’s to come. What those Top Chef people call an amuse-bouche, if you will, outlining the pros and cons of the encroaching season of the Jersey Shore. (ONLY ONE WEEK TO GO!)

Guess who decided to up and pull a diva move? No, Mariah Carey isn’t castrating an intern for bringing her flat water instead of sparking (though, probably she is). It’s those darn Jersey Shore kids! Rumor has it that before the second season has even premiered, they’re fighting for salary raises, refusing to do a third season unless their demands are met.

Much like my post dedicated to numerous images of celebrity camel toes, there are some pictures that sometimes you’d just rather not see. But you’ve gotta admit, sometimes curiosity gets the best of you and other times you just need a really great link to gross out your friends or, better yet, scare off that ex-hookup who’s been sending you one too many love e-mails a day.

Love it, hate it or live it, there's no denying that Jersey Shore fever has swept the nation. You better believe I almost went into full-on, panic attack, shortness of breath and reaching to call 911 on my duck phone for assistance when I saw the 10 minute preview of Jersey Shore 2. Point blank: It looks friggin' amazing.

Yikes! It's been a crazy week! We had a wedding, some engagements, and a divorce (with some possible cheating in the forecast). Plus, Perez is in trouble and a fallen star was kidnapped?? It wouldn't be Hollywood if it didn't keep us entertained!

Remember that time you fell in love with that baby-faced Canadian kid who got his start on Youtube, that shy vampire actor with the British accent, or that awkward-yet-charming guy from Arrested Development and then everyone else fell in love with them and talked about them every day and they were everywhere you looked and you secretly started praying for their demise?

When we first decided to do this whole "gossip cheat sheet" thing at CollegeCandy we never realized how appropriate that name would be. There hasn't been a week that's gone by since we kicked this thing off where someone in Hollywood wasn't sticking their _______ in someone else's ________. And this week isn't any different.

Dear "The Situation" (if that's even your real name), You have nice abs. We get it. But don't you think maybe it's time to put a shirt on? At the beach on the Jersey Shore, it's okay. But at the gym when you're all sweaty, it's unsanitary

It looks like America's favorite Guidos and Guidettes want to be remembered for more than just GTL, fist-pumping and grenades. Now this Slammin', Sausage Eatin' Seven is branching out into the business world. We've all heard about J-Woww's clothing line, and now The Situation is also trying to cash in on his fame.

As I'm sure anyone with an internet connection, mobile phone, or the ability to read knows: John Mayer is a tremendous douche bag. In a recent interview with Playboy, he reminds America (as if his Twitter feed wasn't proof enough) why he is the most irritating dbag on the planet.

MTV has been by my side ever since Justin Timberlake was breaking it down with N*sync on Total Request Live. Yes, it seems crazy now, but MTV used to actually have shows dedicated to music. And just recently, like a very public break-up on Facebook, MTV has made it official and removed "Music Television" from their new logo, and replaced it with... Snooki?

Is season 2 really taking place in Miami? Who cares! OK, we do, but we care more about what our favorite guidos and guidettes are up to now that deep-pocketed wannabes are living in the 'Jersey Shore' beach house. And we know the answer. They're partying, and making hand-over-fistpump cash doing it.

It is clear, ever since I tuned into the first episode of Jersey Shore, that my life (and vocabulary) would never be the same. I was robbed of my typical (Thirsty) Thursday nights in hopes of catching a glimpse of Ronnie laying someone out and going to jail and I now use the term "you're not invited to chicken cutlet night" in my daily life.

As most of you know, Punxsutawney Phil woke up and saw his shadow this morning, alerting us that, yes, there will be six more weeks of hell winter. What a prick! Six more weeks of bundling up like an Eskimo for the walk to class? Six more weeks of a constant runny nose and ghostly white complexion? Six more weeks that my wardrobe will consist 100% of sweatpants and Uggs?