“A Titanic Story” ….. by Young Reporter, Adam

We are delighted to present to you A Titanic Story by Educational Life CIC Young Reporter, Adam.

It was a bright day in London, and Roger was currently asleep in his bunker, hidden beneath Big Ben. T’was a huge day for Roger, as he was about to board the Titanic, but little did he know the captain had signed him up to a 3rd class room, unlike his brother, who was the Chiefs favourite, even though Roger worked twice as hard. They would also be boarding with their auntie, Cucumber. They soon awoke from there slumber; they’d slept in! They quickly put on their tuxedos and rode over to Southampton like the wind, in a smelly horse and cart, which is conveniently where auntie Cucumber lived! Fortunately, they arrived at 9:00am, 30 minutes before the Titanic began its grand maiden voyage, in which it would cross a sea of trouble.

After minutes of auntie Cucumber farting; she’d had too many Cucumbers, The brothers finally boarded the goliath of a ship. Roger finally found out to his demise that he was in 3rd class! He put his favourite gun, a fully automatic rifle, from work on a diamond encrusted plack, which he nailed to the wall with golden nails, some of which he stole from his brother. He stole lots of food from the 1st class snobs, and even “Borrowed” Borries’s most prized possession, his favourite rifle, given to him by the Chief. Sibling rivalry had begun.

Roger was hungry after going 3 days without tea, and if you didn’t know, if you let a Brit go without tea for more than 3 days, they perish! Unfortunately, 3rd class only served fruit and bread, so it was time to steal from the 1st class! That night, he crept out of his cabin and quickly dashed for the grand staircase leading to the 1st class dormitories. But, a plank fell from the floor. Instantly, Roger new it was his brother who’d done this, and he continued falling, until he fell into the sooty, dreadful and disgusting doom that was… the boiler room! 10 employees looked at him as if they were all about to hit them with their coal-covered shovels. He quickly covered his face and raced back to his room. He dived into the swimming pool and as he dived in, covered in coal, he was like a bath bomb and all the water instantaneously turned a dark shade of black. He was determined to obtain the sweet feeling of revenge upon his brother.

Dodging the now gaping hole in the floor, Roger silently sped to the captain’s quarters, eager to see what delicacies they were feasting on today. To Rogers’s surprise, he saw the captain siting at the head of a round table, with his brother and multiple other celebrities like JJ Aster or Edward Peter Laven, who happened to be a 5712 times removed cousin of his. There was also this celebrity called Thomas Neve, a celebrity with an inability to eat Chinese food! Annoyed that he wasn’t invited to the grand party; he was in 3rd class though. Roger used his 10 years of training to somehow steal a turkey slathered in gravy, and a delicate vanilla truffle, covered in sprinkles. This was a pleasant starter to have with his not-so-gourmet- standard fruit and bread. Roger now relaxed on the solitude of his soft, cotton bunk bed, and listened to the calming sound of the peaceful waves. Usually, Roger despised things being calm, his enemies could pounce at any moment, and he usually did his best work when things were Intense, and his adrenaline was pumping. But somehow, this time was different, and it was at this moment that Roger thought to himself…”Auntie Cucumber is a Russian spy!” No, just kidding 🙂 He enjoyed the tranquillity of the ice cold waters, they combined in just the right way with the hustle and bustle of the people/snobs on the 1st class deck.

The next day, Roger rushed up to his brother’s room and put low level tranquilizer darts in the cross fire of a trip wire, his entire body wouldn’t be able to move from the neck down, but only for a few hours (or weeks.)He greeted his brother at the door who was now paralysed and while Borries was shouting for help, his brother gave him a smug grin, and walked of as if nothing had happened. Auntie Cucumber, who was ironically wearing Cucumber slices over her frail eyes, assumed it was a lazy, old cat and so kicked it out of the doorway and wandered wearily down to the swimming pool to lie on floats while getting a brilliant tan for her wrinkly old skin. Roger had a growing hatred for 1st class passengers, other than Edward Peter, who was actually an undercover agent. He dashed through security and in to the food supply room. Finding the tea bags for the first class tea bags, he may or may not have hidden laxatives inside of them. That would show them!

Soon, the Cliff family would be arriving at America to obtain the Government files from aunt Cucumbers adopted father, President Cucumber of the U.S.A; all the other candidates had been assassinated. Staring out the window, he noticed a thin layer of frost creeping in from the sides; he didn’t have a functioning radiator in his lonely room. They must’ve been approaching somewhere around the Arctic Circle. Climbing out the window, he broke of the infuriating frost with his sharp, camouflaged Swiss army knife. It was unusually quiet, then again, he was hanging with one arm from a 500ft high window with his left pinky. Now, not many things scare Roger Cliff. If he saw an entire army directing there weaponry towards them, he wouldn’t bat an eye lid. If the world were about to end, he’d attempt to save it, but if that weren’t possible, he’d tell his brother he’s ugly, get drunk and blow up with the planet earth. However, a cold Titan sped towards the now miniscule like ship. He just climbed in to his room when the Titanic began scraping against the iceberg. Roger quickly grabbed his rifle and Swiss army knife before Edward, Borries and a distressed Aunt Cucumber Kicked down the door and grouped up to defend against this goliath. Aunt Cucumber still had Cucumber slices hanging of her terrified eyes. People began rushing out of their rooms and crew members began ushering passengers towards the exit. It was almost like a hail storm, but 10 times the size. The band was quietly playing jolly music, trying to keep up everyone’s spirits; they had nothing better to do, or maybe they could’ve ran and got on a life boat perhaps?! 1st class appeared to be quite calm, the crew members were rather nice to the 1st class saying things such as it’s only a precaution, probably hoping for a huge £500 tip of some sort.

Worried about the other passengers, Roger charged down the wet, slippery stairs, looking for trapped passengers. As he was booging it down the bottom of the Titanic, he peeked round the corner to see the flooding boiler room, with drops of blood floating in the sea of trouble. Sure that all the passengers were safe, and was incredibly intimidated by the rushing waters, Roger quickly ran up to the top deck, in which people began to ignore the crew, and went back to sleep(with the fishes!) After seeing the boiler room, Roger silently crowded everyone into the seventeenth lifeboat. There was a seventeenth life boat, but it was never mentioned as Roger stole it. As they left the sinking ship, Auntie Cucumber noticed the ship doing 180 degrees turn as it went into the frigid waters. Edward, Roger, Borries and Aunt Cucumber were rowing to America, with half a vanilla trifle and a burnt, half-eaten turkey. There was also liquorice, but the only ones left were the pure black ones that no one likes…

Soon, another boat came to the distressed passengers, but by now, Roger had rown the boat far into the approximate direction of America. He couldn’t let the mission fall into jeopardy after how far they had come. After what seemed like an eternity of eating over cooked chicken, they finally arrived in… NEW YORK CITY! Sneaking out of the excruciatingly small boat, they went to the set location of the government base, a wall shop!(I wonder why?) So, the files had been found and everyone was due some tea!