KIM KARDASHIAN – will get paid 50 grand to have a birthday party (she turns 29 on Wednesday) at Tao inside the Venetian in Las Vegas. I sometimes stand outside of Tao and loudly complain on my cell phone about all the girls I’ve been having sex with. The “dude” I’m talking to gets it, because we’re friends, and we make jokes about it. He and the rest of “my boys” will be here shortly, so I’ll just hang out here until then. (ny post)

LINDSAY LOHAN – is due in court this morning at 9am to explain to the judge why she stopped going to her court ordered alcohol education classes. “Well I was pretty drunk, why are they so early?” seems a likely explanation. (tmz)

JON GOSSELIN – was sued this morning by TLC for stopping ‘Jon and Kate Plus 8′. They say his claims about protecting the kids are BS and all he cares about is money. There must be 2 “Jon Gosselins” because the one I know has nothing but integrity. (radar)

SELETA EBANKS – if a saw a guy go down on Seleta Ebanks, I’m not saying I would make out with immediately after if that was the closest I could get to doing the same, but I’m also not not saying that. (hq jump = here. source = mavrix online)

JAMES CAMERON – “Avatar”, his first movie since “Titanic”, could cost more than 300 million dollars, which would pass “Pirates of the Caribbean 3” as the most expensive movie ever made. Yet still a bargain to get a James Cameron 3D sci-fi movie. Not a bargain: Skippy peanut butter. The CouponLady Dianne Laumann says, “They’ve put a big dimple on the bottom.” (source = deadline: hollywood and abc2)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – has his own brand of tequila coming out called “901”. A spokesman said, “901 is that time of night when your evening is ending, but your night is just beginning." Now say, “901 is how many cocks I’d like in my mouth”, and see which 901 explanation sounds gayer. (source = sun USA)

SELETA EBANKS – Quintessentially held a party last week for “Valentino: The Last Emperor”. I didn’t know what that was, but now it has a trailer. It sounds gay, so I didn’t watch the trailer, and I still don’t know what it is, other than an excuse to post new party pictures of five star beauty Gwyneth Paltrow and Seleta Ebanks in a tiny skirt. Seleta is so hot, and Gywneth is so ugly. They’re like arch enemies in a comic book they’re so different. (source = apple, splash)

KANYE WEST – prosecutors in LA have charged Kanye with misdemeanor battery, grand theft and vandalism after he ripped a camera from a paparazzi and smashed it on the ground in a little hissy fit (relive the magic here) at LAX in September. So, good. He should have been arrested and shot just for those GD sweater vests. (source = new york times)

RIHANNA – official became officialer today when the producer who has worked with Rihanna since 2003 said she did not record a duet with Chris Brown earlier this month in Miami, despite initial reports saying she did. Also not true: dinosaurs. (source = new york daily news)

SELETA EBANKS – the premiere of “Valentino: The Last Emperor”, whatever the hell that is, was in NYC last night, and if I saw Seleta there I would tell her I think she's really pretty, and then ask if she's ever thought of doing any modeling. And she would be like, what me, no way tee-hee. She would act shy but really she’d be getting all hot because I said I thought she was pretty enough to be a model. And then we’d do it. (source = wenn)