Spirituality

There is no limit to the number of ways in which you can create real value. Breathe deeply, smile lovingly, and just do it.

The moment you're in is plenty. The place where you are is an ideal place from which to move forward. Instead of punishing yourself with regret, delight yourself with the possibilities. Get busy creating and living a beautiful now.

Yes, you are ready to be your best. Let go of the doubts and let it happen.You can create your very own future, and you are doing so even now. Take this opportunity to fill it with what you know to be good and valuable and meaningful.

There is immense beauty in you that you have not yet seen. Share it with the world and live the joy of discovery as that beauty continues to unfold.

When we live from a love-based foundation, usually the various aspects of our lives tend to come together and flourish successfully. Because love expands, supports, strengthens, multiplies, and breathes, that which we aim to accomplish using this attribute eventually triumphs. Our goals may be to find peace, to graduate from college, to disengage from an unfulfilling relationship, to travel the world, to start a second career, to fly in a spacecraft to the moon, to become more spiritual. Whatever it is, working from a love-based structure of self-love will help us surmount all that we desire. But when we allow the opposite to infiltrate our roots, our growth becomes stagnant.

Fear is the polar opposite of love. It constricts. It hides. It shuts down. It suffocates. It silences. Eventually, all that is possible is seemingly bleak, resulting in the feeling to give up. It feels safer to live inside of the box that we’ve fooled ourselves into believing is our rescuer. But in actuality, we’ve been abandoned by our own selves, because we haven’t allowed who we really are to manifest. Instead, we remain who we are not, and completely betray ourselves.

Many of us don’t realize this self-betrayal because fear has fooled us into believing that where we are is where we need to be, even if we desire else wise. Oftentimes, people decide to blame the conditions of their lives on spaces in time, other people, events taking place, happenstances around them, and, most commonly, the devil. If they are not blaming the devil, then they are putting their lives in the Lord’s hands. While they are waiting on the Lord, time is ticking away, and in many instances they are not totally aware that they are avoiding taking responsibility for their own circumstances. Unfortunately, the act of proactively making a change and stepping out the box scares most people, causing opportunities lost. However, this doesn’t have to be.

As difficult as it may seem to tear down fear-based constructs, it is very possible with just a little courage, discipline and belief in you. You can start off small and then work your way up. Make a list of all the things that you would like to do, and then next to each item try to write out a few sentences of all the reasons why you haven’t done them. Be honest with yourself; don’t sugarcoat your answers. By confronting yourself first, you will discover reasons that you probably never even considered before. I know I did. When I did this exercise with myself, it was quite helpful to see the reasons organized on paper as opposed to jumbled or suppressed in my mind. Then one by one ambitiously challenge yourself by facing those fears and tackling those obstacles. Believe that it is possible; that you have the ability to accomplish anything you so dream of. Trust me; it can really happen when you operate from a place of loving yourself, but only when you stop fearing who you are meant to be.

Making ourselves vulnerable can be a difficult feat. By opening ourselves to others, we reveal and express parts of our being that we normally feel comfortable keeping locked away. In many cases, showing vulnerability takes courage, trust, and the ability to overcome any insecurity associated with what we desire and/or fear to express—which makes sharing this special part of ourselves a gift to others.

But have you often felt that others haven’t recognized this offering as a gift? Do you feel as if there have been instances whereas your vulnerability has been unappreciated? You may have gone out of your way to do someone a favor you normally would not have done, and they weren’t grateful. You may have shared a secret with someone, and they betrayed your trust. You may have written someone an emotional letter sharing your inner most private feelings about them, and they didn’t acknowledge it or respond. You may have simply decided to be the best friend and family member or the most loving lover to someone, and unfortunately they used you, deceived you, stole from you, and, even worse, abused you and broke your heart—all examples of when vulnerability is taken for granted.

What do you do when this happens? How do you resolve this? Anger, resentment, and bitterness may show up, but is that truly how you want to feel? Those emotions can trigger behavior that is vengeful and destructive. The objective is to do something proactive that won’t give way for your vulnerability to ever be misused and/or disregarded. Since you can’t control others, you must enforce control within you, and take back your power.

I suggest, at your own discretion, to communicate your feelings. Sometimes people aren’t as conscientious about their inconsiderate actions because they may be distracted by whatever busyness and chaos in their own lives. They may not intend to neglect you and may be burdened by the demands of life. So having a talk with them to make them aware of their disservice towards you just may redeem things back to normal.

But if that doesn’t work or if discernment cautions you that talking about it may lead to conflict, I suggest, with your most pleasant disposition, to pull back from them. You decide how much space is needed. Sometimes you have to snatch back your vulnerable side, and place the focus on yourself. This can be hard for those who are dependent on their relationships with others, or who may be deeply in love. But it is possible and necessary for the protection of your peace of mind. Sometimes you have to love people from a distance or with some form of boundaries so that they can’t hurt you. Set parameters and release all expectation of them. The wise saying “expectation is the mother of disappointment” came forth from experience and good reason.

While you are exercising this useful practice, tap into the things about yourself that elicits happiness and acknowledge the people who are truly worthy of experiencing your precious vulnerability. Spend time with them, and, most importantly, spend quality time with yourself.

You may be creative or you may love to travel. You may love to shop and go out dancing or you may just love to be a homebody. You may love to read books, listen to music, or mediate. Whatever it is, give that your attention. Cultivate it and watch it grow. Discernment, kindness, wisdom, dependence on self, and self-love should all flourish with peace. With that peace you can be as vulnerable as you desire, which is very powerful, and with this power no one will ever be able to take the gift of your vulnerability for granted ever again.

The last time my man and I broke up, I found myself angrily tussling with the question, "What the fuck do I need a man for, anyway?!" Yeah, I was pretty discouraged and pissed and uncertain about what it all meant and why I should even bother anymore.

Yet, I am convinced that it is a question that needs to be asked, not only by women, but by men. The various emotional challenges in my relationship with the man I love have revealed harsh undeniableness to me and I find myself in a position of owing an apology to him.

I apologize for not seeing him for who he was, but instead as whom he was to me. One might say it's just human nature to create the ones we love in our own image....but wow that's simplistic and I must admit cowardly. As a man he has every right to be himself, have his own experience of the world, and be on his path—just like I am on mine—without the "benefit" of my input. We cannot absolve ourselves of the responsibility to see our men with the same clarity and truth that we seek to see ourselves with. The sloughing off of illusions in the mirror must also be done to our vision of our men.

It is not my job to guide him, shape him, and protect him from himself. It is not my job to teach him, improve him (sorry Beyonce, I don't need to "Upgrade" him) or add to him with so much me that he’s unable to discern who he is. He has the right to be uncertain and unfinished and to seek his own transformation however the Universe has it planned for him. And no, I may not be the answer he is looking for.

My brother Ola uses the term "Afromanticism" and I refer to it here to point out how women of color, such as myself, especially freely claim black men for our own and in doing so I see how we consciously and arrogantly, as well as unconsciously and dependently, crush through their personal space and invade their processes of becoming who they are meant to be. We infiltrate their thinking of themselves and we pervasively inhabit their movement. And when they struggle to get free, we are so hurt and..."OFFENDEDED DAMMIT! HOW DARE YOU? DON'T YOU KNOW I AM YOURS AND YOU ARE MINE? SLAVERY AND ALL?...OPPRESSION AND ALL?...AFRICA AND ALL?...EGYPT AND ALL?....PIMPS UP HOES DOWN AND ALL?...MISTER AND CELIE AND ALL?”

What purpose do men serve in the lives of women? We have ridden the egg and seed thing in regards to conception for all its worth. I mean damn! Yes, we need them to procreate, but beyond that how do we coexist in dimensions that allow each of us to freely exist not at each other's expense?

In other words, how do we put in the “work?”

The "work" defined as: the daily and momentary thoughts, attitudes and activities of maintaining the communication and interaction between a man and a woman who have in some way subtle or overt established a personal bond; the "work" of relationship for me has got to include the acknowledgement and constant recognition of each other’s sovereignty. This inevitably means that the work includes an attention to self that changes the landscape of what relationship is "supposed" to look like because if I am doing my part to be the best me I can be and you are doing your part to be the best you can be, then what exactly is it that we share again? What do you do for me? What do I do for you? And what do we do with all that time we used to spend fixing, framing, and adjusting one another?

Can't we throw "the rules" out the window if a woman can pay her own bills?...If a man can raise his own children? Now wait a minute! Don't get me wrong. Undoubtedly the quality of life is sure to be best when a man and woman work in partnership bringing what they both have to bear into the life experience. This is not being debated. But, even in the traditional scenario, as I have witnessed that it "works," often still it is at someone's expense because somewhere along the line, one or the other party has accepted the "rightness" of generally accepted gender roles allowing those traditional molds to be placed on their life force.

How do I recalibrate my thinking and my feeling patterns to accept a new paradigm absent of co-dependence? How do I freely love my man in a way that releases him and in effect liberates us both?

I want to relate based on love, not love based on the boundaries of my relationship. As a woman I know it is my responsibility to myself and the man I love to ask these questions and constantly ask; to constantly be doing the "work" that keeps convention at bay and challenges old familiar patterns while keeping love in the midst.

I know it is my responsibility to myself to engage a man who is at least as capable of identifying and articulating his own process as I am. Capable meaning: ready, willing, and able to walk his path in whatever direction it takes him whether it aligns or diverges from mine. I have all the respect in the world for a man who can do this and still have love in his heart.

And in exploring all this, I keep asking myself, “What is marriage?” But, I have to save that for another day.

Until next time, Be Awake and Be Well. May Metta "Lovingkindness" Fill Your Life.

Fisiwe is a writer, singer and performance poet. She is the author of Lovewords: Poetry From a Place Called Love, and she is the host of her own internet radio show, Love Art Life Radio. She can be reached at fisiwezwana@yahoo.com.

It is human nature to make mistakes. It is human nature to experience misunderstandings. But how we deal with them is the key to moving through life conflict free.

In our interactions with people, there will always be differences of opinion, different ways of doing things, different perceptions, and different ideas or belief systems. Sometimes you may be on the same page with someone, and other times you and that person may be in two totally separate chapters, thus causing imbalance or a clashed way of doing things. It could be the smallest thing. For instance, the disapproval of where someone placed something, to that person forgetting to take care of a task, to someone putting too much seasoning in the dinner they cooked, to someone losing or misplacing something. Yes, people freak out over these things, but is it really worth it?

Feeling annoyed and frustrated over the many mishaps that take place in our everyday existence is absolutely normal, but reacting to it, sometimes hurting others who care about you in the process doesn’t have to be. At times, that negative energy festers and mutates, thus giving way for it to blow out of proportion into something ugly and painful. This is why we must learn to let go of the little mishaps, because they are always going to happen, regardless, and most of the time they are unintentional and without malice.

Many engage in the art of nit-picking and complaining. Everything little instance bothers them. It seems to them that nothing turns out right. Usually, when someone carries this mindset, there is a part of them that is entrenched in being defensive. And when the smallest happenstance occurs that displeases them, the opportunity to react in conflict is triggered. This creates arguments, and sometimes emotional and physical altercations, or most commonly the seemingly disrespect of the silent treatment.

But was it really worth it? Was it worth a day or more of not speaking to one another or experiencing feelings of hurt and detachment, all stemming from a conflict that had to do with putting too much sugar in one’s coffee or forgetting to wash the ring from around the bathtub? Believe it or not, people are having major disagreements about these things, when the conversation should really be about the solution and not the pointing of the finger in blame.

Should a goodbye kiss in the morning from a spouse go undone? Should a birthday card to a friend remain not purchased? Should a holiday go uncelebrated? Should two people go on in silence, stuck in their pride of not apologizing to one another over these small mistakes and misunderstandings? I think not.

While human emotions of anger and dissatisfaction have its place in regards to some instances, overall one should consider not applying them to the smallest mishaps, especially when someone was being thoughtful or trying to accommodate with the sincerest of intentions. For the most part, we should plant ourselves in the foundation of forgiveness and lightheartedness, and you will find that letting go of the little mishaps will be easier. Before you know it, you will be free of those negative emotions. You’ll not only be greatly affected by your own happiness, but you’ll also create that positive atmosphere for others around you as you let go of the littlest mishaps with an assuring and absolving smile.

I'm on an emotional rollercoasterLovin' you ain't nothin' healthy Lovin' you was never good for me (For me)But I can't get off

--Excerpt from Emotional Rollercoaster by Vivian Green

Like many, I can identify with the lyrics from Vivian Green's song, Emotional Rollercoaster. During those unavoidable times when things aren't going so great in my relationship, I find myself contemplating and analyzing the whys.

In my Buddhist practice I have learned that I suffer because I engage in acts and thoughts that create disharmony and contradict my ultimate goal, which is to end the cycle of life and rebirth and thus end all my suffering.

“He” is my constant dream. I have to marvel at how as a woman, my search is for "man" even in knowing ultimately the embrace must be of "self." The question continues to arise no matter how clear I become. "He" is the constant dream. I keep thinking that if I can improve my relationship with "him"; if I can figure "him" out; if I can master communication with "him"; if I can successfully show "him" the way to innerstand me; if I can choose the right "him"; if I can love "him" to health; if I can truly honor and respect "him"; if I can get the right "him" in my life at the right time under all the right circumstances, then I will have accomplished some worthy task.

Earlier I was listening to the Dhamma talk, and the question in one particular session is about what can we ever do in life that is really worth doing? What actions do we make that lead to our ultimate benefit? What do we do that leads to the deathless?

"Darling, I am only human, yeah...but you are so divine. Tell me when did you leave heaven? Mmm...angel, angel of mine... Take me there, leave these earthly things, take me there....I want you to take me there...." As I write this, Lalah Hathaway bursts in and sings me to tears. I mean what am I to do with this longing that never, ever, ever, ever goes away? What cruel punishment is this that I should feel so incomplete!?

Listening to the Dhamma talk, I realized again and again and again, and I know from direct experience with my meditation that it is the attention to breath, the recognition of breath as the building block of life and the cultivation of a close personal relationship with it that can and will lead the way to the stilling of dukkha (suffering). I can comprehend that the ultimate truth of my reality is ungraspable, and over a lifetime of refining my actions and thoughts to detach myself from those that cause unnecessary strain and angst, that I can reach a place on this path that leads to the end of rebirth. I acknowledge that I must learn to depend less and less on that which is impermanent because these things are not self.

Honestly, if navigating the ins and outs of a deeply emotional connection with another has shown me anything, it has shown me that no matter how much I want to dream this dream of "him," it is still only that. No matter what, it will always fade as an illusion that I have used as a distraction from the path and yet at the same time will serve as an instrument of my deeper clarification of the path. I'm often spent, fatigued of this paradox.

My state of existence right now is not fatalistic; not nihilistic, but exists in the sharp dry arid space of a truth that does not reverberate off of anything outside itself. It is clear.

And as I sit here listening to these soulful love songs sung by Lizz Wright, Rachelle Ferell, Cassandra Wilson, and Lalah Hathaway, they fill me with a sense of only muted angst; one tinted with a little resentment and the kind of matter-of-fact-ness one might look at an old abusive lover with. I'm kind of ruined to them with the knowledge that whatever longing they so poignantly describe is based on many lies and only a few immutable truths.

These soulful love songs strum the deep passionate parts of me that don't serve the stilling of my suffering, but comfort me in the familiarity of it.

My dream of "him" has been necessary for the refinement of my journey.

My dream of "him" is not the destination of my journey.

Every time I get lost in the dream of "him," when it fades and I come back to the un-reverberating truth of my purpose, meditation and the beckoning of freedom from suffering are here waiting for me with an even stronger embrace than before I went wandering into the dream.

Until next time, Be Awake and Be Well. May Metta "Lovingkindness" Fill Your Life.

Fisiwe is a writer, singer and performance poet. She is the author of Lovewords: Poetry From a Place Called Love, and she is the host of her own internet radio show, Love Art Life Radio. She can be reached at fisiwezwana@yahoo.com.

Throughout my lifetime, I keep learning the same lessons, coming across similar paradigms over and over again in regards to the constructs of love and the prelude leading up to feeling that emotion. Again and again, I have discovered that anything occurring outside of ourselves requires the examination of time, even though that which we feel from within—emotions, spirit—are all very much timeless. Love has no time. It doesn't follow a clock or a calendar. It just is. But how we choose to experience love comes with time.

As human beings, we err in judgment at times, allowing our emotions to guide our decisions when time should be of essence. While it is quite natural to fall in love with someone in only a few days, it is obvious that the decision to move into someone's home with them at a whim without full knowledge of their habits, mood swings, daily culture, and other attributes that determine how people relate to one another come with time and investigation. Yet still, how you came to feel endeared to that person was timeless.

Have you ever watched a movie and cried for a character you personally did not know? Have you ever viewed the news and felt deep sadness for an event or tragedy that happened to people you had no relationship with? Have you ever looked into someone's eyes that you've only known for a few hours or perhaps a day, kissed them, held them, or maybe even made love to them, and felt deeply espoused to them in your spirit? Have you ever had thoughts of someone swirling around your head from the moment you awoke from your slumber to the time you went back to sleep and couldn't explain why? Those are the timeless events of emotion that are naturally imbued in the human vortex by the God in us. Love!

Furthermore, have you ever been mesmerized by someone you were totally attracted to, talked on the phone for hours at a time with them, and in their presence felt totally pulled and arrested by their spirit in just a matter of days? I have. I know the feeling all too well, a rare feeling, but a familiar feeling nonetheless. It feels good; so good sometimes that we find it to be unbelievable, and create reason by the notion of time and fear to thwart the feeling or slow it down. "I've only known you for a few days, this can't be possible." "It's too early for me to feel such strong feelings for you." But when the natural Godlike feeling of emotion is timeless, and one becomes aware of this magnificence with acceptance, the possibilities become endless between people. One should never stop allowing themselves to feel, to experience, and explore love. One should just stop allowing the happenstance of haste to occur outside of oneself under the machine of love.

Love can either be a feeling, guiding you into knowing your higher self as you relate to another or it can be a machine, driving you to make unwise decisions that will evoke regret, resentment and long term hurt. It can be your greatest friend or your most daunting adversary. Love has the power of God, and that is why I believe it is important to know the distinction between how it operates timelessly and with time.

I find that when you discover an exchange that has the strong possibility of love, you should never fight it, stifle it or be afraid of it. Welcome it into your existence confidently and fearlessly. Talk about it. Touch it. Taste it. Hear it on all levels. Know it like the palm of your hand. Don't push it away because of time. Let the timelessness of it be fluid and free. Let that part of it happening within you grow, share, and be alive. But know that as love evolves, deciding how far you proceed sexually, build a foundation together, exchange gifts, take trips together, make financial decisions amongst each other, jointly invest in property, and create a family are decisions that occur with time, which is the part of love that is happening outside of yourself. See the difference?

Just remember this. 1. Occurrences of love happening within you are timeless, and thrive better when not controlled or denied, but experienced unabashedly. 2. Events of love happening outside of yourself come with time and flourish at best when decided with discernment and wisdom.

In my experience, if we can master this thought and practice it, the inherent power of love will come into fruition like a blessing a thousand times over. Trust me, it is the next best thing to God!

Have you ever asked yourself “What is my purpose,” and found yourself short of an answer? It is a question that baffles most, and in some cases tragically eludes others until their demise. All too often, these people end up feeling misplaced, oftentimes running through life mechanically making a living doing something they hate for the sake of surviving and not for the joy of living. For some reason, many people accept their habitual and monotonous existence, and somehow interpret that they weren’t assigned a purpose. They convince themselves to believe that a predestined plan was designed for some and not for others, but I believe that is not so.

Pervasively, through many materialistic images projected in society, the meaning of having a purpose sometimes means accomplishing something that equates to money, power, and social status. But this superficial way of approach to existence has caused some to feel less significant than those who have decided that their personal purpose is to achieve material, but not spiritual success, thus bowing to unhealthy convention. This ultimately leads to division based upon class and economics. Consequently, people develop a purpose for the wrong reasons, and never realize that their underlying goal is to be accepted by society, eventually leading to unhappiness.

I believe that a purpose does not have to be artificial. You can achieve your purpose and find genuine spiritual fulfillment. All you have to do is believe that you can create a meaningful purpose instead of settling for less by assuming that the powers-that-be in the celestial conference room somehow overlooked you when they were assigning purposes to each of us. Why accept the untruth that the ability to create your purpose is impossible? It has been said many times over that we are created in our maker’s likeness. And that maker is often referred to as The Creator, hence your ability to create as well.

So instead of asking yourself “What is my purpose?” ask yourself the following: What is my passion? What do I love to do? Once you have answered those questions (and it may take time to figure it out; try making a list), tell yourself “I can do anything that I believe in because I can create.” Unlearn all the limitations you were conditioned to believe in, and recognize the infinite possibilities that abound. Detach yourself from the ideologies and expectations of the world, and stop comparing your accomplishments and purposes to those of others. Look deep into yourself, and recognize the passionate inspiration in your heart and the yearning to be your best and most productive self. Determine what that desire is, whether it is being a stay-at-home parent to being the president of your country. Regardless of what that goal is, if it is positive, and it gratifies your desires and enlightens you, it is relevant. Upon discovery, pursue it. Give chase to it as if the peacefulness of your life depended upon it. Do this by tapping into the God within you, and from this practice your purpose will be born. I suggest not believing God assigns a pre-destined purpose to some and not others. Instead, understand that you have a god within yourself, and that you possess the ability to create your own purpose. Now go for it!

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COREY delivers a defly written post entitled Audacity of Change regarding his feelings about Obama becoming our president. Check it out at his blog, I'll Keep You Posted.

December 17, 2008

QIANA MARTIN,DREAM FULFILLER

One of the most thoughtful and spiritually grounded people I know, Qiana Martin took a risk and jumped on an opportunity to go to Brazil to fulfill a dream many would be fearful to try. In these profoundly dreary economic times, quitting a job at a prestigious law firm to pursue a passion is rare and courageous. Read her story here.

December 16, 2008

MARCOS LUIS,THE ART OF GIVING

My buddy, Marcos Luis, runs an Open Mic Showcase in Alphabet City, and he's being featured in an online blog called NewYorkNightsOnline.com. He's a really special person who wants nothing but to give back to the artistic community. Check out the article here.

December 8, 2008

CLEO MANAGO,LEADING MAN

Acitivist, Cleo Manago is honored as a 2008 Leading Man in Instinct Magazine.

Odetta, the singer whose deep voice wove together the strongest songs of American folk music and became an accompaniment to the black-and-white images of the freedom marchers who walked the roads of Alabama and Mississippi and the boulevards of Washington in quest of an end to racial discrimination, died on Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2008 at the age of 77. Read more.