The Most Awkward Action-Star Transformations of All Time

The Most Awkward Action-Star Transformations of All Time

The Most Awkward Action-Star Transformations

My initial reaction to an early shot in the Looper trailer—the time-traveling protagonist in a sleek red convertible—was to ask, That’s Joseph Gordon-Levitt? The adorably hapless romantic from 500 Days of Summer who crooned with Zooey Deschanel? Further examination of the trailer revealed that Gordon-Levitt’s new neo-noir face is, in fact, decidedly awkward—a hardened and planar visage nearly devoid of expression apart from a few new wrinkles around the eyebrows and mouth that suggest many hours of brooding.

As it turns out, Gordon-Levitt spent three hours in the makeup chair for prosthetic work each day during filming to make him look like his character’s future self, played by Bruce Willis. In Gordon-Levitt’s first big-time action role—he also played an unwilling hero in Premium Rush and a supporting player in The Dark Knight Rises—he is quite literally physically transformed into a younger Bruce Willis. In her review for Slate, Dana Stevens says that Gordon-Levitt and Willis, “make a strange sense as each others’ time-traveling avatars,” but also notes that while the “nose works,” the “eyebrows are pushing it.”

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We hope that Gordon-Levitt does indeed pull off this odd transformation in Looper, because the past is littered with awkward transformations of talented actors into wannabe action stars. And when we combed through recent cinematic history to figure out what went wrong in such cases, we came away with one solid conclusion: First impressions matter. Nearly everyone featured in the slide show looked ridiculous to viewers at first glance—and those judgments rarely changed much upon a full viewing. If Gordon-Levitt really has the goods to become an action star, maybe next time we’ll get to see his real face.

Nicolas Cage in Con Air

In a movie whose central conceit places freaky felons John Malkovich, Steve Buscemi, and Danny Trejo on one plane, a beefed-up Nic Cage may just be the most terrifying passenger. Cage, as David Edelstein noted in his Slate review, “set out to prove that he can be as much of an overmuscled jackass as Sylvester Stallone,” and it “took months of labor with a personal trainer to develop both a beefcake physique and that distinctive deadness-behind-the-eyes of the practiced bodybuilder.” In addition to the muscle, Cage added a lanky, shoulder-length mullet. Though it flaps well in the wind, the hair—paired with an affected Southern accent and wifebeater—only emphasized the phoniness of Cage’s transition to Jerry Bruckheimer stud, marking the first step into a descent of increasingly awful action movies.

Correction, Nov. 29, 2012: This slideshow originally misspelled the first name of actor Nicolas Cage.

Courtesy Touchstone Pictures

Ben Affleck in Daredevil

In 2003, Ben Affleck had not yet gained his current acclaim as a director. He was about to release Gigli, surely the lowest point in his career. And while he had already starred in ensemble thrillers The Sum of All Fears and Pearl Harbor, Daredevil was the first studio attempt to have Affleck carry an out-and-out action film. Donning a glossy red unitard and horned mask, Affleck managed to look even more ridiculous than Colin Farrell, who sported a target tattoo on his forehead as villain Bullseye. His performance wasn’t persuasive either: As the blind lawyer vigilante of Hell’s Kitchen, Affleck lacked whatever it is that helps a big man persuasively pull off the tights.

Courtesy Twentieth Century Fox

Owen Wilson, Behind Enemy Lines

Owen Wilson, blond poster boy of bro comedies and self-effacing humor, is riding fairly high after his much-praised turn as the latest Woody Allen surrogate in Midnight in Paris. But there were times when we wondered. Particularly in 2001, when we got Behind Enemy Lines, a run-of-the-mill actioner that starred Wilson as Lt. Chris Burnett, a naval aviator shot down in enemy territory. Gun-toting and dirt-smeared in a Navy uniform, Wilson’s performance—consisting largely of leaps to avoid explosions and gunfire—sapped him of all his usual charm. Assuming the straight-faced mask of ’80s action heroes like Chuck Norris, minus any deadly martial arts skills, Wilson just seemed passive. In the end, Gene Hackman had to rescue Wilson. (A better title for the movie, perhaps: Saving Owen Wilson.)

Courtesy Twentieth Century Fox

Jake Gyllenhaal, Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Prince of Persia was Jake Gyllenhaal’s first starring role as a bonafide action hero. (We’re not counting The Day After Tomorrow, in which he played another whiny and reluctant teenager.) He flipped across rooftops, battled shrouded warriors, and escaped crumbling CGI-rendered buildings. And he did all this with a long, layered mane and perpetually bared muscles. He also wore an unconvincing spray tan and lots of eyeliner, and feigned a British accent in what is supposed to be ancient Persia.

Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures

Ryan Reynolds, Green Lantern

Ever since Ryan Reynolds bulked up for Blade: Trinity and made women salivate in The Proposal, studios were just itching to get him into tights. However, the costume doesn’t suit: while Reynolds’ seemingly perpetual smirk works great in comedies, it’s hard to take his expressions seriously when he’s speaking to glowing, digitally rendered aliens. The actor is clearly uncomfortable in the role and no wonder; when he dons the green suit, everything but his head is depicted in radiant CGI. Not to be deterred, Warner Bros. has already ordered a sequel that is “edgier and darker with more emphasis on action.”

Courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

George Clooney, Batman & Robin

Often considered the worst of all Batman films, Batman & Robin replaced previous Batmans Michael Keaton and Val Kilmer with George Clooney, at that point best known as the ladykiller from E/R. While Clooney was right at home in Bruce Wayne’s black knit turtlenecks and blazers, chatting with Alfred by Wayne Manor’s perpetually roaring fire, he struggled to hold his own in battle with Mr. Freeze’s goons, wielding a hockey stick. I guess you can’t blame him. However, Clooney’s always-cool demeanor couldn’t express tragic origins of the Batman myth and his action sequences appeared forced and unwieldy.

Courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

Taylor Kitsch, John Carter

What is it with Disney’s penchant for fantastical action heroes with long hair and baggy pants who love to leap? Like Jake Gyllenhaal’s Prince, Taylor Kitsch’s John Carter makes the audience spend a lot of time marveling at his flowing hair and garments as he launches himself into the air and over white gorillas. Unlike Gyllenhaal, Kitsch, known primarily for his brooding portrayal of Texas fullback/running back Tim Riggins on Friday Night Lights, actually grappled well with the decidedly less realistic Martian landscape of John Carter. However, his performance didn’t save the movie for which Disney had astronomical dreams: the movie flopped, and Kitsch will have to transform himself again to become a successful action-movie star.

Courtesy Walt Disney Pictures

Seth Rogen, The Green Hornet

Since Seth Rogen helped write The Green Hornet in addition to starring in it, and the film was directed by Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind auteur Michael Gondry, you might assume the funnyman would play the pre-spandex superhero serial adaptation for laughs. Not quite. Rogen lost lots of weight for the film in order to do his own stunts (there were many), and those stunts were rendered in 3-D. Most reviewers were bewildered about what exactly The Green Hornet was trying to be. Dana Stevens warned that this movie “

Just three years after her Oscar win for Monster’s Ball, Halle Berry starred in the film that has fondly become known as one of the worst movies ever made and what she termed a “piece-of-sh--, god-awful movie.” Director Pitof (Jean-Christophe Comar’s pseudonym for his English-language debut, suggesting he had an inkling it would be a catastrophe) cloaked Berry’s lifeless performance by paying considerable attention to her toned physique in a black bondage costume complete with stiletto heels. To make Berry’s situation worse, Michelle Pfieffer and Anne Hathaway’s witty interpretations of the character bookended her own.

Courtesy Warner Bros. Pictures

Tom Hanks, The Da Vinci Code

Supported by dubious art history and marked by geographical errors, Dan Brown’s 2003 novel The Da Vinci Code is pretty much about one thing only: running. Running to the Louvre, to Saint-Sulpice, through Westminster Abbey and the Vatican. And Tom Hanks offers an equally dimensionless interpretation of the symbologist Robert Langdon in the 2003 film adaptation, resulting in the most lackluster performance of his career. If his acting isn’t cringeworthy enough, Hanks also wears a calamitous hairpiece because he thought a clean-cut look wouldn’t suit an academic, who should have “long and flowing” hair. While the look belies his credibility as a scholar-adventurer—wouldn’t all that hair get in the way as you’re poring over ancient symbols?— it has spawned reflections on the evolution of Hanks’ hair over his career.