Last week in a Toronto courtroom, Henein picked apart the Trailer Park Boys actor’s testimony, as she did with the first complainant (who cannot be named due to a publication ban). Both women faced scrutiny over inconsistencies in their testimony — from what kind of car the disgraced CBC star drove, to whether he paused momentarily between blows when assaulting them.

Beyond inconsistencies, Henein zeroed-in on the conduct of both women. Unearthing e-mails, photos and handwritten letters, Henein put every bit of contact the complainants had with Ghomeshi after the alleged assaults on display.

First it was a bikini photo emailed to Ghomeshi by the first complainant. Then photos of DeCoutere and Ghomeshi cuddling hours after she alleges he slapped and choked her at his Toronto home in 2003. Finally, Henein presented a series of messages DeCoutere sent to Ghomeshi, including an e-mail the day after the alleged assault in which DeCoutere wrote: “You kicked my ass last night and that makes me want to f–k your brains out.”

But experts say the evidence isn’t surprising.

If for ten minutes or two years or a day you pretend this didn’t happen to cope, that makes sense to me

“It happens all the time,” said Claudette Boulanger, a Toronto Rape Crisis Centre staff member. Boulanger has been counselling and advocating for survivors of sexual assault for 20 years.

“We numb it out, or we pretend it didn’t happen, or we say nothing about it because we fear we won’t be believed,” she said. “Sometimes it’s hard for us to believe that happened. A lot of times we want it to go away, we want to normalize it.”

Boulanger’s opinion is consistent with DeCoutere’s testimony. The Royal Canadian Air Force captain said her contact with Ghomeshi was an effort to “normalize” the assault.

The trauma from an assault can be lifelong, which is why some women cope without acknowledging it, according to Boulanger.

“Why would anybody want to deal with the feelings that would be coming up if you really accepted the fact that you had just been assaulted? That’s the rest of your life you’re going to be dealing with that,” she said. “So if for ten minutes or two years or a day you pretend this didn’t happen to cope, that makes sense to me.”

Ariana Barer, a coordinator with the Vancouver-based Women Against Violence Against Women Rape Crisis Centre, said women should be supported and believed regardless of their behaviour after an assault.

“There are many, many ways that people respond, and all of them are legitimate,” Barer said. “Women respond to sexualized violence differently, and have the right to choose their own path to healing and justice.”

There are many, many ways that people respond, and all of them are legitimate

Both Barer and Boulanger stressed that the focus should be on the perpetrators of violence, not the women who were assaulted.

“We shouldn’t keep focusing on individual women and what they did or didn’t do. They are not responsible for the sexualized violence committed against them,” Barer said. “The attention should be on the perpetrator and why they felt entitled to enact that violence.”

The attention should be on the perpetrator and why they felt entitled to enact that violence

“Violence against women is not about the behaviour of the woman,” Hnatiw said in front of Toronto’s Old City Hall. “Lucy wants survivors of violence to know what they do in the aftermath when they are harmed in no way changes the truth. There is no right or wrong way to cope or react or to move forward with your life.”

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