President Trump has announced that the United States will be formally withdrawing $534 million in aid to Gondor.The Numenorean state has historically been an ally of the USA, but has voted against the United States in a recent UN motion condemning what is perceived as an increasingly pro-Mordor stance in the White House.“Let them vote against us. We’re taking names,” said the President, speaking earlier today through a palantir which glowed intermittently with a sinister red eye. “We’ll save lots. If they were with us, maybe I could, you know, get them some rings. But they have chosen instead the path of pain.”Tensions between Middle Earth and the United States have been high recently, following the admission that the CIA had been involved in stealing nine black horses from the Rohirrm. Despite initially denying these claims, the White House has since stated that the horses were key terrorist suspects, and that their extradition to Mordor was entirely legal.The move to cut funding comes amid renewed concerns that last year’s US election was tampered with, though the current administration have repeatedly stated that they employ almost no orcs.A recently leaked recording that shows the President relaxing in a hot tub with a senior Nazgul has been dismissed as ‘locker room banter’ by top aides, who are also quick to point out that - on this occasion - the POTUS definitely didn’t attempt to grab anyone by anything.