Burned a new hole in my tracksuit today,
Smoking Soap Bar without an ashtray,
Red-hot nylon dripping on my skin,
I ripped the fucker off, and threw it in the bin,
Soap Bar?s cheap, and so?s my clothes,
they've got to be cause of all the fucking holes,
It tastes like shit and it makes you cough,
And it?s the fucking rubber in it that gets you off.

Yeah, I smoke Soap Bar with lots of bits of plastic,
I leaves mine in it cause it tastes fantastic,
Skunk costs too much, I can't see the appeal,
Of smoking Port Rocky, Soap Bar or Gold Seal,
Smoke Rocky in a bong, bucket or hot-knives,
Bake it in a cake for your Mam as a surprise,
I smokes Green, and it?s gone in an instant,
But Soap Bar lasts, cause it?s fucking consistent.

Smoking on up, Soap Bar in the sky,
I?ll smoke Soap Bar ?till I fucking die,
Before I die and they lay me to rest,
I will always smoke Soap Bar, that's the best.

Last night I went out driving in my car,
I sparked up a fat spliff of fucking Soap Bar,
A Blim-burn burned right down to my dick,
And while I was distracted, I fucking crashed into a
Brick wall, the car was fucking battered,
The bonnet flipped up and the windscreen shattered,
you're better off smoking The Green instead,
Cause it don't Blim-Burn and it?s better for your head.

Soap Bar! Sitting in a deep sweat,
Thinking! I've got to get some Rocky for the,
Weekend! The sight of Draw excites me,
Stick it in a bong, light it up and chug a fucking,
Whitey! Burning holes in my tracky,
This shit always happens when I'm smoking fucking Rocky,
you've heard it on the news; you've seen it on the telly,
Add up for moving Soap Bar down fucking Liz Werry
?I do it like a little cause light the fucking thing as always?
I used to smoke Skunky but it was far too smelly, man!

Smoking on up, Soap Bar in the sky,
I?ll smoke Soap Bar ?till I fucking die,
Before I die and they lay me to rest,
I will always smoke Soap Bar, that's the best.

Most Soap Bar comes from fucking Holland,
They make it out of oil, and tires and pollen,
Diesel, Miramar, Flat-Press too;
These are types of Soap Bar available to you,
These little bits of plastic you find inside;
You can use those as a quality guide,
Of the standard of Soap Bar that you are smoking,
The more bits of plastic means the better the toking.

This bloke said to me; ?You haven't got a clue,
About the damage that Soap Bar can do to you?,
I tried to see things from his point of view,
But I couldn't fit my head up his asshole too,
The bloke was wrong, I knows my stuff,
I knows if I smoke it, I'm gonna feel rough,
My lungs are fucked and my throat is raw,
Cause the thing about Soap Bar; it?s fucking hardcore.

Smoking on up, Soap Bar in the sky,
I?ll smoke Soap Bar ?till I fucking die,
Before I die and they lay me to rest,
I will always smoke Soap Bar, that's the best.

Well anyway I think it?s better myself to lean forwards,
When smoking Soap Bar, because you are less likely to Blim-Burn,
You know what I mean?

Innit, check it out man! I got some quality fucking Gold-Seal for you, innit?
Shape up all those little bits of plastic what you find inside, right,
And then fucking stick them in a teapot,
Makes a lovely cup of tea, that does.

What I do, stick a fag in the microwave, right,
You toke it up, you sticks the Draw on top,
And you rams it in a bong and you rams the bong in your fucking head.

General CommentYeah, there are a few mistakes in some of the others as well but I haven't got round to sorting them all out yet so if you spot one just point it out.

I'm leaving "you knows you're Delia Smith" in 'cos it sounds much more like that.. You Knows It is the main catch phrase but they're always saying variations like "you knows you're safe" and that fits better with the song anyway.