I don’t want to do this. I truly and honestly don’t. I see absolutely zero point to this show existing anymore, at least with this cast. Jacob Novak continues to make me want to hit myself with a blunt object and yet he’s still around. The only thing I have other than that is apparently redemption points are the tiebreakers for this season which helps a bit. Let’s get to it.

We open with the theme song and Striker/Maryse (looking amazing in a blue dress) who introduce the pairings. Apparently the winner also gets to pick their pro for next season. First up is the Talk the Talk challenge. The topic is about themselves though, taking away any entertainment value this segment has.

Novak the Uninteresting goes first and is booed before he starts. Novak raps and it’s bad. The fans boo the city name pop. That says a lot.

Young is second and he goes in front of the fans. He says with the people is where he belongs. That’s why he stands in front of a barrier between them. He also uses Christian’s TNA catchphrase of “if you didn’t know, now you know.” Moderately well received.

O’Brian continues to try to be all serious and gets a better reaction by saying Kansas City. He talks about dreams and just kind of stops talking rather than finishing if that makes sense.

Saxton talks about himself, including having a hamster named Speedy and that he loves Madden. He makes fun of Cannon’s robe and thanks the fans for a second chance.

Cannon says he has Adonis DNA. If that’s a Charlie Sheen reference, I may injure that person. It’s all about him apparently. Regal likes him.

Titus, wearing purple trunks, does his bark and says he talked to Horny earlier today and it went like this. And then he speaks in gibberish. The buzzer cuts him off.

Shockingly the crowd gets to pick the winner and it’s O’Neil, barely beating out Saxton.

Profile on O’Neil who says he wasn’t being himself because he’s used to everything just coming to him.

Darren Young vs. Conor O’Brian

There’s a Darren chant as we get going here. Young controls early, hammering on O’Brian with European uppercuts in the corner. That gets him nowhere as he gets sent shoulder first into the corner. I haven’t heard a crowd this quiet in a very long time. Wisely O’Brian works on the arm using a variety of stuff. Notice that as he switches things up rather than just throwing on an armbar and going with that over and over.

Naturally as I say that, there’s the armbar. Young fires back, naturally using the bad arm because he’s not that intelligent. Young gets going a bit and gets O’Brian into a fireman’s carry and drops O’Brian down onto his knees in a gutbuster which I think I’ve seen Roderick Strong use before to end it at 3:00.

Rating: C. Just a match here with O’Brian using the most basic level of psychology that you can use while still calling it psychology. This is about as formula based as you can get and while it was boring, it wasn’t bad from a technical standpoint. This is what you’re going to get on NXT I guess though so that’s to be expected.

Keg carry later.

The Raw ReBound is an actual recap, this time being the ending with the somewhat too long beatdown by Miz on Cena. We also get clips of the match and MizRock coming out which had me fooled for a bit actually.

After a break, Maryse is on the phone with someone and Tatsu comes up. He tells her that she’s better than Striker but Cannon breaks it up. This is going to be the romance of the season isn’t it? He apologizes for being a jerk and she leaves. Lucky says that Tatsu won’t ever get her because he’s not lucky. Tatsu is a comedy character that is in the background most of the time and I’m far more interested in him than Cannon.

Profile on Novak which I get a good nap during. The sounds I hear talk about him being more focused after having everything working for him last season.

Tyson Kidd/Lucky Cannon vs. Byron Saxton/Yoshi Tatsu

Well I like Tatsu and that music is as catchy so I can live with that. Regal talks about an old fiancé having a robe like that but she had a leg shorter than the other so he was embarrassed to walk down the aisle with her. Tatsu has a black armband on due to the earthquake/tsunami. It’s pro vs. pro to start and we get some genuine heel cheating to give them the early advantage. Nice to see things like that.

Solid Yoshi chant as Cannon has issues with a side salto. I prefer Luigi but that’s just me. Off to a body scissors now as the fans are far more into this than the previous night. Dang it Kidd quit moving around on the apron. Your hair was giving me perfect reception on my TV. Tatsu runs over Cannon after being in that hold for awhile and we get the double tag.

Off to Saxton and Kidd. Saxton works better as a face (kind of) and Cannon a bit better as a heel. Kidd gets a kick to the head but Cannon tags himself in. He hits Saxton with a reverse FU (same position but he slams Saxton back the way he came. Sean O’Haire used this back in 2003 and called it the Widowmaker) to end it at 4:10.

Rating: C+. Call me crazy but this wasn’t a terrible tag match. Cannon and Kidd were doing the most bare bones of heel work but for some reason it worked for me. Their cheating made them the clear heels and the other guys were the faces. That’s exactly the point and while it was short, that’s all you need to do at times. I can live with this actually.

The Raw stuff this week is the whole Trish/Vickie/Laycool/Snooki/Ziggler/Morrison thing from last night. I’ll spare you a bunch of complaining here.

Time for the keg carry which is a St. Patrick’s Day version this time. Before we start though we get a video of Titus trying back in Season 2 where he fell on his face, complete with cartoon music. Novak goes first and gets a time of 9.9. He FLEW around the ring with those long legs.

Young is second and gets 9.8. He’s FAR more credible with the normal looking hair.

O’Brian is third and gets 9.4. Hokey smoke he didn’t seem to be going that fast.

Saxton is up next with Yoshi playing cheerleader. 9.5 puts him in second place.

Cannon is the next to last and Maryse has started calling him Fabio. Instead of running, he recites a poem in what sounds like French. Yep and it’s for Maryse. She wants to know if she can go throw up. I like her better as a face too. Did everyone just get assigned the wrong character? He touches her hair and gets slapped for his troubles. I think he liked it.

Titus is last, complete with Horny barking. He wins it with a time of 9.1. Ever notice how every week someone gets to dominate? That’s Titus this week.

Overall Rating: C. This was way better than last week but that’s not saying much when you think about it. Still an uninteresting show with a bad cast, but sadly enough I’ll wind up getting hooked on it again. They have this down to a formula like no other so they’re not going to change from that. Not a terrible show but nothing we haven’t seen with the same people already.