#AmWriting ~Life Lessons in Books~ #MFRWauthor Blog Hop

Well, folks, this has been an awful week. Last Sunday I had to have my dog put down. She was fourteen. My son got her when she was ten months old. She’s been mine 24/7 for the last seven years. We are all devastated, but she deteriorated rapidly the last two days of her life. I miss her like crazy, and it feels like she’s pressed up against my office chair as I sit at my desk. I still look so I don’t roll into her. I check the floor beside my bed before stepping down. I wrote her into my book, Whispers of Forever, as a tribute because I knew our days together were limited. She’s on the cover, too.

RIP my sweet girl, Kasha.

As if that wasn’t enough, on the same day before we knew we’d be putting her down, my son and daughter-in-law told me they’re moving to Virginia. They now live seven miles from me. My older son lives on the other coast. I’m going to miss him so much. If I’m not crying over the dog, I’m crying over them leaving. Deep breath. I know life goes on. That should be my life lesson.

So…

I wasn’t in the mood to write a post this week but the topic is kind of important. Life lessons? How do I get the point across to readers in my books?

Here’s an example. In my Bull Rider Series, the first book shows that my heroine, Velia, is living with an abusive husband. How ironic for her since she is on a plane returning from a funeral for her aunt in Italy who died at her husband’s hands. She left three children behind. Velia has an awakening, and begins her plan of escape and she carries it through.

This is one life lesson I want my readers to get.

No one needs to live in a mental or physical abusive relationship. Do I speak from experience on this topic? Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. Do I think it’s easy to walk away from an abusive relationship? Hell no. It isn’t. After a while it seems like the normal way of life. That’s all I’ll say about that. Referring to the book and in reality, I wrote a short post about Domestic Abuse.

I’m talking for women though men are abused too in a relationship, but I know most of my readers are women.

Outside of abuse, I want to let readers know through my heroines, they are allowed to be independent and have their own minds and opinions. Through my heroes, I want to show that, sure, they can get mad about something, and maybe not approve, but no matter what, they will respect their heroine, and vice versa in this scenario.

Someone close to me wasn’t allowed this in her life. She had to live under her husband’s thumb to a certain extent. She accepted it because he provided for the family, and she didn’t feel like she deserved to have more than she’d like to have. My mother lived a hellish life with my dad, and he tried the same thing with me growing up. He realized early that I was an independent soul whether he liked it or not. He eventually embraced the idea that I stuck up for myself. I try to relay this message in my books.

Shouldn’t everyone have a right to an opinion in a relationship? MJ McCoy-Dressel

A friend had turned all finances in their family over to her husband. He gave her a small allowance each month. I mean small, and some of the income had been her earnings. She scrimped for months to buy an outfit when her husband didn’t have to ask permission to buy a new…anything. How is this fair? Fairness isn’t an option. Is it? Am I wrong? Maybe it’s my own independent mind thinking love should be fair.

I hope the life lessons in my books show that a person should expect to be treated with:

RIP Kasha….I’ve had to put down three dogs in the past ten years, so I feel your pain. I still grieve for my beloved Lab and she had to be put down seven years ago.

My alter ego dealt with the issue of emotional abuse in her book Balancing Act. The primary reason for writing it was to show how even a confident young woman could still fall into that pattern. Kudos to you for that blog post!

Thank you, Kenzie. The last dog my family had lived 16 years. I still miss him. They are family members, and we can’t forget they were a part of our lives.

I like the life lesson you mention in the Balancing Act. It’s easy to fall into the pattern of physical or emotional abuse because oftentimes it comes in slowly and before you know it, or finally accept it, it’s full-blown. Thanks for commenting, Kenzie.

My heart goes out to you, Mary. Kasha was your baby and now she is physically departed. She lives in your heart. This is what I believe of my Rocky. The pain is something we want to stop. In my case, I tried to hold on too long. You understand the feeling, I am sure. Hugs to you, Mary.

So sorry to hear your youngest is moving as well. It’s so hard to let them go. Thank goodness for Skype.

Kudos for the rest of your post concerning abuse. We’ve all come close or experienced the cruelty in some form. This is a post I will keep for sharing and rereading. Good work!

Hi, Catherine, Thank you, my friend. After she had an awful last couple of days, I couldn’t let her go through another night in pain. After my son came over, It all happened so fast, my head is still spinning. Even about my son moving.

Referring to life lessons… It’s unfortunate when someone has to experience cruelty, especially from someone you love. Glad you could take something from the post.

My wish for you, Mary, is that a new fur baby will come along and remind you so much of your Kasha. When the time is right, of course. The gift will be when you realize Kasha sent the new addition to you. Sending positive vibes and the wish for inner peace.

Thanks, Catherine, but I don’t see this happening in my future as long as I live in an apartment. The company would be nice though, but I don’t plan to have another fur baby in my life. But, I’ve learned that never doesn’t always mean forever.

I’m so sorry to hear about your dog AND your son’s decision to move away 😦
I respect your decision to include advocacy in your work and do hope you are helping someone who needs it, too. I just never look at my own work, which includes issues in them, as being helpful, and I’m probably wrong 😀

Thanks so much, Raine. In our books, we never know if even one line or one scene clicks with someone and helps them to see something in their own lives. Even if it’s a reminder of how much in love they are themselves, and/ or what they have is worth fighting for, or not. Thank you again. I hope you’re enjoying your weekend.

Sorry for the loss of your dog. I know how hard that is. We lost 2 in one year. 😦 And your son moving. I remember a few years ago my husband’s aunt went through the same thing. Her only child was moving from AZ where they all lived to CA. She was taking it very hard.

My first book covered the theme of abuse. It wasn’t the plan when I got the idea, but that’s how things morphed and it became a bigger issue than I’d planned for. My second book shows her recovery and how even years later she still suffered the effects. Neither book started with the intention of some deep life lesson, but it is important to show these things at times.

Thank you, Meka. He’s my youngest son, but I only have two kids. My oldest moved away years ago. I didn’t think I’d ever get past that, but I had no choice, like now. He’s doing very well so him being in CA is acceptable to see him happy.

I still miss my dog so much. Tomorrow night will be a week and I still feel like she’s with me. She started out as my youngest son’s dog, so he’s hurting for her while trying to take care of a move. He said this is a good distraction. I’m so sorry you lost two in a year. How devastating.

I’m not sure I intended to have this life lesson in that book series either. Plotting it out, some things were still raw inside from a hard breakup, and I think my muse took over from there. Funny how these things work.

\i|’m so sorry about your loss Mary J. This is the third one I’ve read about in just a few days, So sad,
I’m sorry too about your son moving to Virginia, It’s going to be hard at first having him so far away but it should make vacations fun.
xxx Sending you my Biggest Hugs xxx

Thanks, David. Oh, I’m sorry to hear of the other losses. It’s heartbreaking. I’m more looking forward to kids coming back here for vacation since both him and his wife have all their family and friends here. I’m wondering if once they get settled they will look at each other and say, “What have we done?” I appreciate you commenting, David.

Yes, Cathy, it truly is amazing. I said in the post I had linked to, that everyone isn’t going to have a hunky bull rider come into their life like my Velia did (in fiction), but no matter what, being safe is the most important thing. And then accepting the peace that comes with being safe, is even more amazing. Thanks for reading and commenting.

I will accept the wish of peace, Robin. Thank you. They took their first load yesterday so my DIN will be prepared for work on Monday. He’ll return to take care of things here and continue working as long as he can. I had peace of mind knowing his friend went down with them to drive back with my son. Have a nice weekend.

My sympathy for your loss of Kasha. I’ve lost pets (and people), as have most of us, and I’m sure there’s a life lesson there but it’d be presumptuous of me to search for it. My books have occasionally had characters who were abused. In my current WIP (actually, I typed The End last week but it needs more work), my heroine was raped at 13. Eighteen years later she’s coerced into nursing an injured man who’s helpless, and in being good to him, rather than taking revenge, she heals herself. It was a fun storyline, though serious.

Thanks, Ed. Your current WIP sounds like it has a good life lesson in it. They say helping others is a healing process for ourselves. It had to be difficult to write some of those scenes. It kills me when I have to harm my characters.

I’m so sorry about your loss of Kasha, Mary, and your son’s decision to move. *Sigh* Life certainly isn’t all cake and chocolate. I’m glad the heroes and heroines in your books understand that love and respect go together. 🙂

Well done Mary (the abuse part of the post).
I know you’re hurting — that word doesn’t even begin to describe. But you already know that I know that kind of pain too well. I’m glad you have that beautiful photo of Kasha in her prime. (Or she looks like it anyway.)
Great big hug my friend. Please be good to you. ❤

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