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Hi kids! Do you like violence? Wanna see Ronda Rousey stick nine inch nails in each one of her eyelids? I sure the fuck do! Might fix her goof ass makeup next time she wants to do a Mantaur impression. If you haven't guessed it yet. This is a column on everything that is wrong with Ronda in the WWE. I could've made a list of everything right about her, but that wouldn't be long enough to call this a column. I could go a couple different ways with this here column. How should we do it, folks? I could make a list? No... To simplistic. I could write a poem? Nah... Ronda is as ligusticly inspiring as a carrot. I know! Drunken Mother Fucking Rant! That's the ticket that I wouldn't buy if Fuckface Lousy Rousey is on the card! Thank god I can skip all of her segments by not having cable and watching The Network a day late. Ronda flat out sucks at everything she does.

I passed out. Fuckin shots man!

Coming back to this column with a now slightly sober mind, I still agree with most of what I wrote above. I have decided to tackle the rest of the Rousey Shit-Show as less drunk as I can be when thinking about what a complete waste of space, not to mention money, that Ronda in the WWE has been. I'm not sure what anyone thinks she brings to the table. From her complete lack of promo skills, to her sloppy and possibly dangerous ring work, Ronda is going to prove to be a gigantic waste of a full calendar year in WWE by the time Wrestlemania 35 comes and goes.

I want to begin by highlighting my biggest problem with Ronda Rousey in WWE. In the past few weeks, we have been building to what is believed to be the Main Event of this years Show of Shows. Ronda vs Becky vs Charlotte, on paper, should be a match of epic proportions. Beckys character work has been nearly above reproach in the last few months. She is the best incarnation of badass I believe we have seen since Biker Taker. Charlotte, though at times her participation has seemed far too forced, will hold this match together like the ring general she truly is. Then we have Ronda, who in a matter of weeks has killed 90% of the heat this match should have right now. Her recent heel turn, if you can call it that, has obliterated the 4th wall and burned whatever toothpicks that kayfabe was still standing on. I think that this was the stupidest decision that Ronda, or the company, could have made going into Wrestlemania. This is especially noticeable when you consider that they are trying the same tired shtick with HHH and Batista currently. Ronda's continued reminders that wrestling is fake, along with the asserted notion that she is the only real thing we are watching, has really ruined this story for me. I don't want to watch someone shit on the show that I love while simutaniously being paid more than 75 percent of the roster. The absolute last thing WWE needed was a full time, female, Brock Lesnar to shit all over every decent character on the womens side. But that's ok because its all fake. When wrestling tries to hard to be MMA it fails every single time. Just ask the dipshit who created the Lion's Den Match during The Attitude Era. To this fan, MMA should continue to try to be professional wrestling. It should never be the other way around and I don't give a shit what PPV buyrates say. Fuck Ronda's 4th wall breaking bullshit.

Anither major problem I have with Rousey is that she has been built up to be far too indestructable. When the news first broke about her signing, my biggest hope was that she was going to come in and lose her first match to someone who needed a jump. Unfortunately, Stephanie McMahon booked herself too look like she could put up a fight and has expensed the rest of the women's roster at the alter of Ronda ever since. Only when a weapon is used does Ronda show a kink in the armor. It's all sloppy armdrags and Piper's Pit wanna be slams. Not to mention the worst worked punches since Shane McMahon.

Seriously, go watch that second match with Ruby Riot again. She missed her by a fuckin football field and spun a complete circle as Ruby sold the hit. That shit is going down in Botchamania history. There was also that time where she beat the dogshit out of HHH. Women's equality equals dominance over men apparently. That's a rant for another day, though.

Continuing on Ronda's character as it sits currently, there is a huge problem of making sense that I believe has gone overlooked. Nothing in WWE is real and it is all scripted, but Ronda had to interfere in the match at Fastlane because "No one’s ever escaped Charlotte’s figure 8." The fact that tweet has been edited now and I had to comb Google to find it is case in point. Ronda doesn't know anything about professional wrestling. Her complete ignorance to what makes this little realm of ours work is destroying everything that makes it special. Imagine if instead of saying "Get to the choppa," Arnold instead looked right into the camera mid-scene and said, "I didn't really just shoot all those guys and you're an idiot for thinking I did." kinda takes you out of the fucking movie doesn't it?

Ronda Rousey is also soley responsible for Shayna Bazler and the other two idiots. When they're not banging most of the NXT male roster, they are holding down every other female competitor in NXT while Ronnie ruins the main Raw and Smackdown. It's almost like Vince McMahon and Dana White sat down together one day and booked a shitty 1980s movie villain plot to get rid of every wrestling fan over the age of 20.

Hey, Danny, ya know what would be funny?

It's Dana.

Shut up! Im scheming. What if we took Ronda, who hasn't been relevant ever since she got her shit pushed in at UFC 193, and again at 207, and made her into the female Brock Lesnar? She could single handedly wipe out all of those booger eatimg marks and maybe they'll buy your PPVs instead and stop bitching on the interwebs. Wouldn't that be great, Diego?

My name is Dana!

"What?

I like this plan, Vince, but I want you to take Bazler, Shaffir, and Duke too. They have a combined MMA record of 0 and 200 nobody gives a fuck. So they might turn everyone off of NXT too. That'll show that big nosed prick who's plowing your daughter.

I thought Randy Savage was dead?

Not him, the other one!

The guy who we made call his fans Testicles?

No, he's dead too. Damn your daughter is the vagina of death. Anyway, I'll let you have all four of them because three don't make me any money and Ronda won't put out anymore. But I want Brock to get all juiced up and handle some problems for me. Don't worry, we'll pretend to fine him and have him suspended so he can still show up once every six months for you.

Ok that's fine. Are the other three hoe bags?

They're already fucking most of your NXT Roster.

Perfect! I love this plan. Thanks Diana!

That conversation fuckin happened! I heard it from Dave Meltzer so it has to be true. The proof is clearly in the pudding too. The 3 Hoeswomen have completely choked out any interest I had in the NXT Women's Division. When the Mae Young Classic is the only real women's wrestling worth watching on the WWE Network, there's a big problem. In my oppinion, we have a serious MMA infestation in the WWE, and Ronda is the key to all of it. A Universe without Rousey is a universe where competitive matches still exist. Character can be built outside of the "I'm real-er than you because I got punched in the face for a living and have no other skills except sucking wicked dome" mentality. If Rousey does leave after Mania, and I hope to all hell that she does and that it's permanent, I believe we may actually start to like womens wrestling again.

There is, quite simply, no future for the Women's Division in WWE so long as Rousey is part of the picture. She has taken nearly every bight light and snuffed it out. Ruby Riot is one of the most talented professional wrestlers on the planet, male or female, and she might as well retire now amd take the Squad with her. Dana Brooke almost made people give a shit, but is now back on the pile. Sasha, Charlotte, Becky, The Riot Squad, Nia Jax, and Alexa have all been damaged to completely ended by their involvement with Ronda Rousey. The fact remains that if Ronda, and not Becky, leaves Wrestlemania 35 with the Raw Women's Championship. Then the WWE wasted an entire division and the best story they've happened across since 2013 on a bad actress with an inflated contract. She could very well be the albatross around the neck of the Women's Revolution or Evolution or whatever they want to call it. This is why we can't have nice things.

Ronda, if you're reading this, I dont hate you as a person. I just don't want you on my show anymore. Please go back to your ranch and get off my TV? On second thought, you're a pretty shitty person in real life too. That Sandy Hook quote sure did you in didn't it? I hate you more than I have ever hated the guy that needed cancer to get over. Sorry, folks, but that's true and you all know it. Please go away, Ronda. Please take your Roddy Piper rip off bullshit with you. Please take your stuttering, stammering, can't shadow box your way out of paper bag, cant find wrestling gear that actually fits and doesnt look like you're pulling a wedgie every five seconds, disrespectful garbage ass and go away! Get the fuck off my TV! Best of luck in your future abominations.

OK, the comparison may have been exaggerated, but I still believe in the sentiment behind it. At the time, most people were still just excited to have her in WWE. To be fair, even back then in your second comment you admitted you weren't keen on her.

OK, I get that people like Rousey, Lesnar and the rest of the part timers bring eyes to the product that may not otherwise tune in, but people aren't going to stick around when they see the main roster treated like bitches. The main roster needs to dominate these people so the non-fans get interested and keep watching.

I'm still worried that my prediction at the end of last year comes true: both Rousey & Lesnar will win at Mania. Vince is senile enough to think it's a good idea.

Meh. Thought there would be some more feed here. But Dyno, I love that you reminded me of that. A hypocrite, I am not. I've got 20 that says Rhonda is going to win at Mania. And its going to be awful. This might be the first show of shows I skip. The card is stacking up to be a shit show.

I certainly haven't watched all of Rousey's WWE career, but honestly I've enjoyed what I've seen so far for the most part, particularly the in ring stuff. No argument from me that the incredibly stupid shooty shoot "wrestling is fake" stuff is pure garbage though. At least it's been relegated to the bowels of Twitter and isn't being broadcast all over the TV product like Triple H is apparently doing, right? I like Shayna Baszler a lot too, for what it's worth. Some of this was a little dark for me, which I know is part of your style, but it did make this a bit hard for me to relate to. You did throw some nice burns in there though, and you're damn right that Ruby Riott is the freakin' best!

Hey Mizzie! Congratulations on being number 2! I agree I can get a little dark.... But hate, anger, and discontent are pretty much my writing fuel. I'm glad you enjoyed what your enjoyed though! Rousey had a ton of potential to be great for the company. I think, like always, they completely ruined that potential by hotshotting her to the championship and wasting everything else in the division.

Great haterade piece and I mean that as a compliment. You came in with a purpose and you acheived it. Enjoyed the voice behind the column. Filled with personality, it was.

I will agree that the works shoot stuff never works in wrestling. I loved that Arnold analagy. That's precisely what it is when the script breaks the script.

When drunk I agreed to watch fastlane with my in laws. Was really looking closely at that Charlotte/Becky match and was not impressed. Becky is supposed to be a badass and they had her get in the mania match that way?

To the best of my knowledge, Charlotte is the new Deadman. I also hate how they got Becky into the match. Made absolutely no sense from any storyline standpoint. At this point, they may as well put her in a body cast because that's how hard theyre trying. Just give the woman a fuckin mic she can get herself over.

Yeah im lost on that reference. The bloody becky night feels so long ago now. She needs to make Ronda Tap out. No way Charlotte can take the loss and keep Rousey safe. Rousey needs to lose and lose clean by submission. No other option is the right option. Becky has to close this show. They cant fuck this up.... Can they?

I mean the time he had a constant build up of injuries but kept coming out anyway, each week with a new part of him bandaged up. Think he was pretty much a mummy by the end of it! Then he did change and do some kind of Stone Cold Sharkboy gimmick IIRC?