The following is a response to A message to young women by Hope. She posted a comment on Roissy’s blog, and I don’t think she really gets it. The thing I noticed about her post is that she gives a bunch of advice, commands really, to young women without any explanation as to why they should listen, let alone do as she says. I get the feeling that Hope wants girls to learn the lessons that she had to learn the hard way, but that could be a misread.

Now, I like to advise young men to avoid the military and not to get married. However, there is absolutely no talking a guy out of either of these things if he’s already made up his mind. The best I can do is scare the crap out of him. Reason will not work. Hell, that’s another piece of advice I like to give everyone – it is very difficult to change someone’s mind with reason. Sure, you can technically win a debate and perhaps persuade a third party, but almost all modern humans are immune to logic when it contradicts whatever the hell they feel like believing. Hope doesn’t even try that. She just tells people what to do. I don’t get that.

She’s telling girls to stay away from men who “play the field.”

Men will always find beautiful women attractive. But…

Is this really so regrettable? Men are attracted to attractive women and women are attracted to attractive men. How terrible is this? It seems to have served the species well once upon a time. Of course, this is unfortunate for unattractive people, but it is not a bad for women in general or men in general.

…upstanding men will take care of their women and family, and will not jeopardize their monogamous relationships for a quick fling. The trick is distinguishing between the honorable, loving and committed kind of men from the kind that only see women as sex objects.

There’s a false dilema here. It is quite possible to be upstanding and honorable without being monogamous or committed to anyone in particular. I don’t know exactly what it means to see women only as sex objects. My image of someone who sees women that way is a guy who fantasizes about women when he pleasures himself, but doesn’t seem to know how to interact with them in real life or that, like us, they’re people too. The player is less preoccupied with sex and may well enjoy interaction with the fairer sex for it’s own sake rather than as a means to an end, though not necessarily. Some, may well be sex addicts with little interest in the person they’re fucking, but I think many are more addicted to women themselves than anything else. I really take issue with the way she seperates men into the committed and the players, as if all single dudes are “playing the field”, like there something wrong with a guy who’s not in a serious relationship, never mind that the guy could have been totally committed to a woman who got bored with him and left him.

Some men base their morality on self-interest and believe that women are inherently inferior to men. They justify their views on women not with reason but with feelings sprung from their groins. Such men are opportunists. They prey on women who believe they have no personal worth outside of their physical appearance, and who will meekly submit to any man showing a bit of dominance and status.

Do not fall for them. Do not believe their lies.

Apparently, this is her description of a player. Pick-up, it seems, is necessarily some sort of immoral trickery, and to practice it is to see women as inferior. Certainly, there are ethically objectionable methods of picking up women, but the whole game is not automatically evil. God is not so cruel. At the most superficial level, pick-up is about lines, tricks, and gimmicks. Mainly it’s the skill of being attractive to women. At the deepest level, it’s almost a self-help thing – becoming a better version of yourself. The tricks are seen as a crutch.

Stay away from men who refuse to acknowledge that women have inherent worth outside of sex, who cannot see the inner beauty that exist within the tender, sweet, intelligent women who possess a great deal of personal depth.

Dear ladies, if a man only values you for sex, he’s clearly not a keeper. However, if all men only value you for sex, you’re not a keeper. Women are just as capable of being worthless as men, although the consequences are less severe. I sense some hostility toward the hot girls, as it apparently a virtue to be attracted to women who have all the positive traits that aren’t physical beauty.

She goes on, telling girls not to be slutty…

Ignore men who are so focused on outward appearances and who insist on all women putting out all the time. They mistake the world as a giant “meet them, use them and dump them” club.

[…]Some men might want emotionless sex, but many women do not — many men do not either! Is sex important? Absolutely. But don’t settle for sex with men who just want to use you for your body.

Why not? I’m not arguing that girls ought to be sluts, but I really want to know why she thinks they shouldn’t. What are the consequences?

She goes on telling girls to exercise and to learn how to cook clean, to not dress slutty, and to look for men who are not slutty and superficial. Great! Wifey stuff!

I listen to a lot of Loveline. I first heard the show while in high school, maybe a year before the relatively lame TV show appeared on MTV. Every now and then he tells a caller that before they learn otherwise, young men think the vagina works like an inside-out penis, that what gets them off is what will get a girl off. Usually, he’s telling a girl that she needs to tell her boyfriend (with words) what he needs to do to get her going. The girl isn’t getting what she wants out of sex and instead of going to the person she has sex with to solve this problem, she calls a national radio show. Maybe she doesn’t want to hurt his feelings or something. Whatever, men are not fragile. Girls also think guys should always know what to do without being told.

Anyway, as we experience life, we only get to do so through one set of eyes. Early on, we pick up that other people are experiencing similar lives. We assume a lot, and we are surprised to learn when things are different for other people. We have to learn that our bodies work differently. We also learn that our minds work differently. This we learn through experience, while we’re also fed the nonsense of the blank slate – that all the differences between boys and girls are learned. Several years ago, I noticed that girls cry a lot and gradually came to realize that they’re more emotional and less rational, but just recently it dawned on me. Men live in their logical mind. Women do not. Clearly, women are capable of complex abstract though. They’re able to learn languages and do math. They have the ability, but for a woman the logical mind is a tool, a calculator they can use when they need to do math.

I don’t know if this makes much sense, but the first person I expressed this idea to was a woman and she knew exactly what I was trying to say before I got half my words out, as though it made more sense to her than it does to me.

Thanks to Roe vs Wade, abortion is legal in every state. It is also legal for mothers to give up their children at birth. In Arizona, where I live, there is a law ensuring that a mother can drop off a new-born baby up to 3 days old at any hospital, fire station, or participating church with no questions asked. Many other states have similar “safe haven” laws. The Arizona law specifies that the infant may be dropped off by a parent or an agent of a parent, but I have to wonder what happens if one parent gives up the child in such a manner against the wishes of the other. I wonder if the folks at a fire station or hospital would accept a baby dropped off by a man claiming to be the father without the mother being present and without asking any questions. They’re not supposed to ask questions.

Effectively, it is legal for a woman to abort or abandon her child against the wishes of the father, and while the safe haven law applies to fathers as well, this may not be practical. A woman can become pregnant and give birth without ever informing the father, and once the child is too old for a safe haven, he has lost any right to abandon the child. For a father to legally abandon a child through the safe haven law, he would have to get the child away from the mother. I am of the opinion that both parents ought to have the same legal right to abondon their children, that the mother may leave the child to the father and vice versa. Enter Dubay vs Wells, from wikipedia:

Dubay and Wells began dating in 2004. Dubay maintains that he made it clear to Wells that he was not interested in being a father and that Wells reassured him that she could not get pregnant because she was using contraception and because she had physical conditions that prevented pregnancy [1]. After they stopped dating, Wells informed Dubay that she had become pregnant. Although the two discussed adoption, Wells ultimately decided to have the baby and pursued child support payments from Dubay. Dubay was ordered to pay $475 per month plus half of the baby’s health care expenses by Saginaw County Circuit Judge Patrick McGraw. The National Center for Men agreed to take Dubay’s case and challenge the child support order.

I don’t think this kind of behavior by women should be tolerated. Men in this situation should not be required to pay any child support at all. I anticipate the argument that if he doesn’t pay, then she and her child become the taxpayers’ burden, but I reject that as well. I do not support any involuntary wealth transfers. Ever. If she and her family can take care of the child, good for them. If they can’t, she can find a family who can.

Dubay’s legal argument was that the equal protection clause of the 14th amendment and the Roe vs Wade decision should ensure that men have the same legal right to decline unintended parenthood as women. Dubay lost.

There are some odd things for sale on Amazon.com. Check out these three things. Read the reviews and look at some of the other similarly odd items that will pop up and the mysteriously unrelated normal items that people buy after looking at this crap.

I purchased this item and am blown away by its effectiveness. I started this device up and immediately detected not one, not two, but five seperate UFOs in my immediate area. I am currently working on a way to communicate with what I assume is an intelligent species visiting our planet, but so far, I have been unsuccessful. I am waiting to see if this company will be selling a UFO communications device in the near future. If it is anything like this detector, I will be extremely happy. Thank you for a great product !

The UFO-01 detector has satisfactory range with gravitic drive type flying saucers (about a quarter mile), very good range with magnatomic flux drives (up to five miles) as you might expect.

The discrimination ability is what sets this detector apart, however. The detector was not fooled by time machines, stargates, parallel universe jumpships or transporter beams.

I don’t know why some people are hating on this device. I purchased the UFO-01 Detector some time ago and so far it has been 100% accurate. I have not seen any UFOs and it has not detected any UFOs. It doesn’t get any better than that!

This is sold as an audio cable, as if an ordinary properly functioning ethernet cable that can transmit digital data without a single lost bit can somehow manage to degrade an audio signal in digital form. Liars have made a lot of money selling over-engineered absurdly expensive audio cables to fools over the years, but nobody’s buying this one. There are over 300 reviews.

When I opened the package containing these cables, I felt a strange magnetism as soon as the seal was broken. I was fearful, but I paid $500 for these things, and there was no way I was going to not try them out. I picked up the cables, and felt a strange surge coursing through my veins, tickling up and down until I felt a buzzing in my hippocampus. Reeling, I put my hand out and touched my television for support. Lo and behold, I was no longer watching television…I was watching my own thoughts transferred onto the television. Pornography. Pornography equal to my wildest dreams – for they WERE my wildest dreams. I saw wishes come true. Enemies destroyed. My wildest fears, my greatest hopes. It was as thrilling as it was terrifying.

I called my girlfriend into the room, held her hand, and touched the television again. She looked on in horror, watching her imagined self carnally ravage my best friend. Needless to say, she is gone from my life.

I bought four.
Yeah, two grand is a little steep, but I can work a double shift to make up for it in about two months.
Used them to tie my wife to the bed.
Then I went out to play tennis. When I came back, she was still there and she could hear better. Great product!

I’m an engineer, so trust me on this one. Sound is a wave, moving in one direction. A uni-directional cable such as this is needed for optimum listening pleasure. Some other poster, incorrectly I might humbly add, said using it backwards causes the music to play backwards. Installing it in reverse causes the 1’s and 0’s to start to clog the line since they have no where to go. As a result, you’ll get no sound at all. If you do that, be careful when you turn the cable around as all the 1’s and 0’s will come out at once, potentially overloading your ethernet connection and exceeding your ISP’s bandwidth caps.

This story is from the “femail” section of the UK’s Daily Mail online. It starts:

By the time my husband had been dead for 13 months, I had slept with 27 men.

Because sex I can do: at sex I’m a pro. Whether right or wrong, I was having sex just three months after he died. It might not have been good sex, but it was safe sex.

I was detached: void of emotion, void of a history and completely anonymous. To whichever man shared my bed that evening I was nothing more than a female anatomy. And that was just fine with me.

She doesn’t explain why at all. She probably doesn’t know why. I read somewhere that the average lifetime number of sex partners for Americans is about 15, which is higher than most of the rest of the world. When you’re far past that as a woman, you can expect that other women will not approve. You’re a slut. Whooptie-do. Men vary on how they view promiscuity in women based on how promiscuous they are themselves. A lonely man, with a small number of lifetime sex-partners is not pleased hear this sort of information because women who sleep around are not sleeping with him. It is helpful for his ego to consider any such woman an aberration. Some married men may prefer such a view because they’d rather believe their wives would never behave that way. A potential suitor with a low number of his own may well be grossed out by it. He will probably not be very comfortable with the thought that he probably won’t be the best (or biggest) she’s ever had. Men with high numbers will not care.

In this sort of case, she’s using sex like a drug. Men who see this, understand it, and think clearly about it will avoid her or use her for the one thing she’s good for. I’d say there’s a good chance of a woman like this eventually “getting over it” on her own and finding herself in a sexless relationship with a rather frustrated guy. It’s hard to say in this woman’s case because she doesn’t begin to answer the sort of questions that someone like Dr. Drew Pinsky would ask.

She goes on:

Because at 23 years old, with one dead husband under my belt and a widow’s shroud around my shoulders, anonymous was a tonic: anonymous was just perfect.

My promiscuous reaction to Eoghan’s death surprised everyone, none more so than me. There is a certain way a widow, of any age, is expected to behave, and sleeping around is usually frowned upon.

But let me get this straight right now, before you’re tempted to judge me: I’m not proud of my behaviour.

Note the use of the word “tonic”, she recognizes that she’s self-medicating.

She goes on to tell how she came to be the wife of her dead husband. I’ll summarize. He was 34 to her 21 when they met. This was December of 2005. Their first kiss was New Years Eve. He was diagnosed with brain cancer sometime in the fall of 2006, and given in April of 2007 was given 2 months to live. They moved their planned wedding from a year away to June, and he died a month later. Her account is much more detailed and much sadder. Click the link if you like that sort of thing.

So, by the time he died, they had only known each other for a year and half and had gotten married knowing that it would soon end tragically. This is not how most widows and widowers lose their spouses. The article ends as follows (emphasis mine):

Two weeks after Eoghan died I got my university results, passing with a 2:1.

Three months later, I came back to England, moved home with my parents and became an intern at a fashion magazine.

After Eoghan died, I was sure I’d never be with another man. But, you can’t predict how you react to a tragedy, as since then my actions have been the opposite of my intentions.

I thought, I can do ‘grief ‘, this isn’t so bad. I figured I must be strong, as I could still function and go on as normal. I didn’t see it was merely adrenaline that was keeping me going, and that my ‘normal’ behaviour was far from it.. .

Whenever something new and traumatic happens in your life you may indeed be surprised by your own actions. However, to say that your actions oppose your intentions is to abuse the language. Maybe that’s a meaningful phrase for women, but that sounds like just like the common “it just happened” anti-slut defense that women so often employ. I fully expected a more detailed explanation of her behavior at the end of the article, but we don’t get that. For people to actually learn anything from this story, she ought to consult experts. She could get some therapy and share the results or simply interview mental health professionals.

I don’t know who wrote this list, but it smells like a foolish young woman. It’s usually a bad idea to take advice on women from women. This could’ve been written by a high school girl, except that the spelling and punctuation isn’t bad enough. There are a lot of lists floating around like this. I think they should be examined critically.

1. Whatever you do, don’t just show up at their house…they run around in their underwear just like we do.

Wait, just like we do? Was this written by a guy? Anyway, just showing up at a girl’s house is fine sometimes. You can learn a lot from her reaction. What do you think people did before cell phones or before any phones at all?

2. DON’T CHEAT ON THEM. It may seem foolproof, but girls tell each other everything about everything. Trust me, they WILL find out and you will be mud.

The author of this list doesn’t like being cheated on and thinks that she can scare guys into not doing so. There are men who cheat and cheat and cheat and never get caught. I don’t advocate it, but if you’re smart about it and your girlfriend isn’t particularly bright, you can get away with it. Women are much better at getting away with it though.

3. Beware of every single male relative and all guy friends. Any of them would kick your ass at the drop of a hat, and a lot of them wouldn’t even wait for the damn hat.

OOOh, beware. Nobody’s ever kicked my ass over a girl. I wonder what constitutes a “drop of a hat.” Such threats are to be ignored, as are the girls who issue them.

4. NEVER miss an opportunity to tell them they’re beautiful.

Bad idea. Of course, girls like being told stuff like this, but there’s usually little to gain by doing so.

5. DON’T refuse to kiss in front of your friends. If they laugh at you, it’s because they’re jealous.

Or maybe they’re laughing because you’re kissing a cow. A kiss is fine, but making out in front of people (like at a table) is rude.

6. If they slap you hard, you deserved it.

The implication is that women are always right. This is clearly absurd. If the government locks you up indefinitely without a trial, it’s because you’re a terrorist.

7. Don’t be afraid to touch them if you want to. If they’re going out with you in the first place, it’s because they like being in your arms.

Best rule so far, but you can take this too far.

8. If you don’t sleep with them, DO NOT tell your friends that you did.

8.5 If you DO sleep with them, DON’T tell your friends that you did.

The author doesn’t want people knowing how slutty she is.

9. You can be dirty minded in private, really…most of them are not offended by it…

Whatever. Be dirty-minded in public.

10. Not all of them eat like birds, a lot of them can eat like whales.

That is not the most attractive quality in a woman, but if she can eat like a whale without looking like one, it’s all good. I suspect the author has surprised more than one guy with her voracious appetite.

11. Most of them don’t mind paying half of everything, but they do discuss these things with their friends. Realize that if you make your girlfriend pay half all the time, everyone will know about it and your friends will know you’re a pussy..

11.5 Do you honestly need all your money that much? Be a man, pay all the time!

Oh, what the fuck? Paying for everything all the time makes the guy a pussy and the girl a whore. For the record, I do need all my money that much. I get to pay child support.

12. Every girl should eventually get three things from her boyfriend- a stuffed animal, ONE OF HIS SWEATSHIRTS, and a really PRETTY RING. Even if it’s not a serious relationship.

How many sweatshirts am I supposed to own?

13. Make sure she gets home safely as often as you can. If you’re dropping her off, walk her to the door. If you aren’t dropping her off, call to be sure she’s home safely.

Uhh.

14. If a guy is bothering her, it is your right to beat the shit out of him.

16. NEVER, ever slap her, even if it’s just in a joking way. Even if she swats you first, and says, “Oh, you’re so dumb” or something, never make any gestures back.

The ass is the only place you should slap a woman.

17. Go to a chick flick once in a while. She doesn’t care whether you enjoy it or not, it just matters that you went.

That’s right. She doesn’t care if you enjoy it. She’s selfish like that.

18. You’re dead meat if you can’t get along with their pets, parents, and best friends. Be prince charming to their friends, Mr. Polite to their parents, and make sure to be nice to their animals.

Be yourself. Be the same guy that she likes.

19. Don’t flirt with their moms…that’s just freaky.

If you really want to freak her out, flirt with her dad.

20. Don’t be freaked out by PMS. It’s not gross, and it really does make them feel like shit, so be understanding.

Um, ok. Is this a problem that needs to be addressed? PMS, O NOES!

21. If you don’t like the way they drive, you do it.

Sure. Although, anyone who drives ever should know how to do so properly.

22. If you’re officially dating, and you’re introducing her to your friends, you’d better damn well introduce her as your girlfriend.

I don’t care for this threatening language.

23. Don’t stress where you go for every date. They really only want to be with you.

No. Find fun and interesting things to do.

24. If they complain that something hurts, rub it for them without being asked.

Rubbing doesn’t make everything feel better. Don’t do this if her ovaries hurt.

25. Girls are fragile. Even if you’re play fighting/wrestling, be very gentle.

Whatever. I haven’t broke one yet. I wonder what motivated the author to include this. Are guys accidentally injuring their girlfriends all the time?

26. Memorize their god damn birthdays. You forget her birthday and you’re basically screwed for life.

That’s a bit dramatic.

27. Don’t marinade the cologne, but smell good.

You mean, don’t marinate yourself in cologne? I just assume that everyone wearing lots of perfume/cologne is hiding a much worse odor.

28. Don’t give her something stupid for her birthday or Christmas or Valentine’s day. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but it has to be meaningful.

Inexpensive and meaningful = stupid. Really, the stupider the gift seems to a guy, the more she’ll love it.

29. If you think the relationship isn’t going to last, don’t wait to find out. It will only hurt her more if you draw it out.

So? When facing the end of a relationship, a guy is far more concerned with his own feelings than hers.

30. After you’ve been dating for a while, realize that they really have started to trust you. When you have a girlfriend who truly trusts you, you have a lot more responsibility, privilege and control than you would think. Be careful with it, most guys would kill for that kind of power, and it can be lost in a nanosecond.

If this power can be lost so easily, you don’t really have it, and most guys would not kill for it. There might be one guy who would, but he’s a complete loser. I’m forced to ponder the motivation behind this one. What is it that our author didn’t get from someone that this is addressing?

5. If a girl loves a guy, he will always be on her mind. [more like 24/7]

No, that’s not love. That’s infatuation, which is always temporary. Thinking that this is what love is much of what drives married women to cheat and/or divorce. In fact, I think it’s normal to hate certain things about someone you love. If you didn’t love them, you wouldn’t care. Right?