Are you in the habit of giving reasons for your behavior? The un-refuted truth is that most of your reasons have an infinite amount of counterarguments which, when played out, lead to a life of arguing.

Seems we got the idea somewhere
along the way to “explain ourselves.” Reasons are the mainstay of the
explainer.

There is no bigger elicitor of
reasons than a “Why” question. If you want to hear a bevy of reasons, just ask
why. There will be no lack of answers.

What if you began answering your
own and others’ “Why” questions with just a statement of what you did and not
why you did it?

Them: “Why did you take bridge A
instead of bridge B?”

You: “I took bridge A because I
took bridge A.”

Them: “Why?!”

You: “Because.”

It will be a shorter conversation
and lead to less arguments. There is no arguing with the fact of what you did;
it’s the reasons that promote and prolong the argument.

Them: “Why did you canoodle with
the pool boy?”

You: “I canoodled because I canoodled.”

Your behavior still has
consequences but you can reduce the amount of argument about it by not offering
reasons.

We think that reasons will satisfy
our discomfort with someone’s behavior, but that is rarely the case. One reason
leads to another reason until the argument eventually stops, not because we ran
out of reasons but because we got tired of arguing.

Here’s an example of a reason
working:

Them: “Why were you late?”

You: “The bridge was out.”

Notice the factual content in
that answer. It prevents the reasoning from taking on a life of its own.

People will continue to demand
reasons and we will continue to give them and vice-versa. My only suggestion is
to notice that the argument that ensues continually goes nowhere.

We too often are under the
misperception that a reason will excuse our behavior. It rarely does. If you
state what you did and not why you did it, you can get to the crossroads of
where to go next much quicker.

It takes courage not to give
reasons – the courage to get to the consequences quicker.

All behavior has consequences.
It’s the attempt to reason away the behavior that leads us to a “death by a
thousand cuts” by arguing to the death.