Sucking Out the Poison: Cutting Off Toxic People

we all know them. we all love them, unfortunately. we all have experienced them coming into our lives, and usually, shooing them out isn’t much fun.

whether it was an overbearing friend, a possessive partner, or maybe just a really pessimistic acquaintance, toxic people are, without a doubt, the worst. the way I see it, cutting a toxic person off happens in three steps: the realization, the action, and the recovery.

it’s human nature to feel denial, and when dealing with someone who may not be good for you, it can be very hard to accept the facts and let the reality of the situation sink in. you may really love the person who is hurting you, or feel that they truly don’t mean any harm. but this hallmark-channel concept that we’ve created about good intentions, and it being the thought that counts? it isn’t right, and frankly, it isn’t healthy. people’s actions and the steps they take to show you how much they care are what should prove their importance in your life, and if those actions aren’t doing you any good, it’s time to realize that this person isn’t a great one to have around. at the end of the day, YOUR happiness is the priority, and you shouldn’t keep around the kind of company that brings you pain.

completely cutting someone out of your life isn’t an enjoyable thing to do, and nobody is telling you that you should take immense pleasure in it. it all comes down to you setting yourself to a higher standard than the people around you and wiping away your emotions in order to see clearly. this person is not beneficial to your life and happiness, so they can’t possibly be beneficial to you. going from talking to someone every single day to never speaking a word to them is difficult, and there’s no way to ease into it. it’s like ripping off a band aid: just block their number. delete their number. get their face out of your head, and their name out of your mouth. train yourself to think of something else when they take shape in your imagination. it’s going to hurt, but it’s going to heal you. I promise. in order to save yourself from falling into their trap again, you need to go to the absolute extreme. don’t even let them make eye contact with you. you’re better than that.

even though you’re leaving behind something unhealthy, it’s still going to feel like a huge loss, especially if you were closely attached to the person you’re setting yourself free from. you’re going to feel a little heartache – some days you’ll wonder what they’re up to, you’ll see something that reminds you of them, or you’ll just randomly start missing them and feel the urge to call them out of the blue. don’t do it. it’s like you’re your own sober friend. imagine you patting yourself on the back, slowly taking away the phone and saying, “you’re going to regret that. we better not.” it’s like your heart’s drunk, you know? you don’t want to hurt yourself anymore. so instead of crawling back to what hurt you, try finding new things that you love to distract you. if you happen to have a positive interaction involving that toxic person you cut off so long ago, appreciate it. don’t talk about them. don’t let them get back into your head. that’s how you’ll be able to take care of yourself and remember how you deserve to be treated. you’ll feel a certain nostalgia for them and their company, but don’t give into it. nostalgia will remind you of their shining eyes and smile, but never the horrible things they did to you. don’t give in. be smart about who comes in your heart, and stay strong when anything bittersweet comes knocking at the door.

you’re too good for someone who wants anything less than the very best for you. remember – never love anybody who treats you like you’re ordinary.