Month: October 2014

What a difference a word makes … In case you’ve been reading for a while you might now I’m quite the word and grammar fiend. Lucky you if you’re not living with me in real life because my family and colleagues get the full dose of my nit-pickyness every day. But hey, in 80 % of the cases they’re actively asking for it. But you didn’t come to hear me talk about that. Or at least I didn’t plan on delving into this further [at least not today]. Only to explain how this post came about. It was when I noticed how I could use the difference a slight change of wording makes to feel a little less stressed – and the hope you might benefit from it, too.

Expectations. They are everywhere. In school. At work. For young people. Old people. The world is filled with a million and one of them for every gender, age, kind of exercise, time of our lives, … You name a group you belong to: there are expectations associated with it. And it’s understandable: clichés help us arrange the world and the people we meet to make life easier. However, they have a big downside: nobody can ever live up to all of them – and with that come self doubt, feeling like the odd one out and sighing “why can’t I be like everybody else??”.

In university we’re expected to hit a certain GPA when we graduate. Anything worse than that and our future seems to be at risk.

Reality: I was neither the best nor worst in my degree program and when it came to applying for my current job my final grade didn’t matter. But you better believe I stressed about this like crazy, regretting the times I felt I could have studied harder.

If we suffered from an ED we’re expected to be recovered and “back to normal” after a certain time.

Reality: Recovery takes time. For some more, for some less. Putting huge expecations on somebody in recovery and showing disappointment doesn’t help. At all.

We’re expected to have figured out where we want to go with our lives at a certain age.

Reality: So what if – and I think it’s the case for many people in this day and age – we haven’t? What if it’s an ongoing journey?

What would happen if we turned this view on things around and stopped blaming ourselves? If we exchanged ‘expectations‘ with ‘assumptions’?

Expectations can get overwhelming, provoke anxiety and not living up to them feel like admitting defeat. Assumptions, on the other hand? They’re just that and if others are wrong in theirs about you: so what? It’s not your purpose to fulfill anybody’s assumptions. It’s okay to fit in with your peers at times and not at others. We’re not less valuable as individuals if we’re not breaking PRs at the gym, haven’t found our perfect match by age 25 or visited a certain number of countries by 30. We’re not less important as bloggers if we can’t post five days a week or publish the most exciting recipes.

Just like Pink already knew: I’m not here for your entertainment expectations.

When people assume a certain image to be true it’s not our fault if it’s not true. That way others assumptions about a certain part of society simply aren’t applicable for us. Everybody’s different. Stereotypical assumptions don’t necessarily match. That’s cool. Be you, be awesome, be happy.

And that was me thinking out loud with Amanda again. Thanks for opening up Thursdays for random rants, rambles or anything on our minds.

Tell me whatever comes to your mind on the topic. Possible ideas:

What are some expectations you feel others are having about you? What are some expectations you’re holding up to yourself?

Can you lessen the burden they are by thinking of them as assumptions instead?

Happiness-inducing today: A girl I talked to at the gym at random calling me disclosed as I chatted her up which is a huge compliment to me as an introvert.

I’m a firm believer that waiting for the big and bold happenings to make us happy is an almost surefire guarantee to keep us unhappy. Oh, the irony. If we only ever hang around wondering why we didn’t win the lottery or why that guy has yet to notice us we miss out on many occasions to smile. How this all relates to What I ate Wednesday? Well, the way I see it food shouldn’t be the only thing making us happy but if it’s one of them that’s pretty good in my book.

The little thing at breakfast: perfect setting and food. Kabocha that has that irresistible flaky-dry texture, the right balance of sweet- and starchiness. My favourite tea from one of my new favourite mugs. A side of brain food [to any Germans: Das Kreuz mit den Worten in Süddeutsche Zeitung Magazinis my love-hate brain food of choice. So difficult. So addictive.]

If you’re less quirky than me/haven’t jumped on the squash-for-breakfast train yet [why not???] this could be the perfect bowl of oatmeal. And maybe a side of sudoku or a cross-word puzzle. Yes, I’m a granny there but I can’t go without these.

I might be the very last one to figure out how to break the soup-for-lunch-at-work spell but I bought my first set of microwave dishes on a whim the other day. There’s no looking back. This is my personal lunch revolution. Even with my self-proclaimed soup lady status I can’t pretend I was too happy slurping them anymore after a few weeks. These wonderful dishes have allowed me to bring casseroles of all kinds to work and actually make me look forward to lunch time. Okay, I did before, too, but the perspective of hearty polenta-topped chili is much more alluring than a less chew-able stew. The dish below is an adapted version of my Polenta Chili Bake.

This week’s snack number one: Crack. Pure, high-quality crack. The kind that you can only keep in your apartment at the most immense safety measures. We’re talking hidden in the back of your pantry, consumed only with closed blinds so the neighbours won’t see you. Okay, to lift the fog and back up a little: I won Meghan’s giveaway for some homemade granola straight from her kitchen recentlya while ago forever ago. The reason I only received it right now is not the fault of everybody’s favourite Cleveland blogger [trying to remember if I know any other Cleveland bloggers who might get angry reading this …]. I asked Meghan to hold off shipping the granola until I had moved into my new apartment. Because first I had to try eat up some of the cereal, granola, what-not-all I’d been hoarding pre-move and then settle into the new place.

After a few bites I can safely tell you I will definitely not enter another granola giveaway at Meghan’s. Because I clearly hated this one. Kidding. The reason I [pretend] I won’t is because somebody else deserves to be treated to this deliciousness. It is SO ridiculously good – crack, remember? – that I refused to let my mum who was visiting the day I picked it up pack some as a snack for the road trip back home.

To be fair, though, I offered her some before which she enjoyed. But a whole container as a snack? No way. Another fun bit I should add is my mum had a handful from the jar – by the way: how pretty did Meghan pack this up?? – and thought it was trail mix. That’s what Meghan meant when she called her nut: oat ratio high. And she was sweet enough to customize it for me nixing the walnuts and using a mix of cashews, almonds and peanuts. So so good. Oh, I mentioned that before?!

For anybody who doesn’t live in Meghan’s immediate neighbourhood, is too impatient to wait for another giveaway or simply needs this granola in their lives – trust me you all do! – here’s the recipe. It’s vegan, too, for anybody stopping by from Vegan Wednesday. I hope sharing recipes for crack isn’t criminal. If you don’t hear from me again I might have gottten arrested and in that case I hope you’ll send me granola care packages.

That’s it from me for today’s food inspiration but you might not even read this anymore as you’re already in your kitchen baking granola …

Happy Wednesday!

Happiness-inducing today: Finding that some essentials I needed to pick up at the store were on offer. Nothing like a good deal, right?!

Somebody please stop the clock already! I’m not telling you any news when I’m saying that this year is apparently a high speed train trying to drop us off at New Years’ earlier than ever. Hm … do you think more people than usual failed their New Years’ resolutions so a greater might is trying to push us to that fateful day when we’re supposed to make new ones?? Wow … look at how I’m coming up with conspirancy theories just because I can’t believe we’re at the end of October already …

Anyway, I feel this is one of the longest good good links I’ve shared so far but there were just too many great posts I couldn’t leave out. And that way there’s a higher certainty to feature something for everyone that way. Win-win.

Ever since before I started my own blog I followed that one blogger. [okay, I obviously followed many bloggers but bear with me here]. She was around my age, striked me as a super creative mostly vegetarian chef and shared her struggles with food, too. In short, she was relatable and many of the recipes I tried from her blog were amazing. Needless to say I followed her almost religiously hardly missing any of her posts because I didn’t just learn about new foods or ways of preparation but bits and pieces about her, too. With her recipes and advice she was a role model and helped me in recovery.

Fast forward to today I probably check her blog once in a blue moon. Why? She has changed – not neccesarily a bad thing and it happens for all of us at certain points in life – but unfortunately her blog has, too. Aside from the fact she did a 180° turn in her diet [from veg to paleo], all of her recipes are now calling for hard-to-find and/or expensive ingredients and I can’t relate with her as a person anymore, either. But one of the major let-downs for me was that I don’t see her anymore. No random facts, no childhood memories or mentions of personal quirks.

Just to stress that this has nothing to do with her dietary decisions: Take another blogger I’d only been reading if I noticed a post of hers at the top of my reader while she was vegan. Ever since she made the switch and became more relaxed about her diet I’ve also found her as a person more interesting and relatable.

The question that naturally came to my mind while thinking about this was if I am visible enough. I know you can’t technically see me because I don’t post pictures of myself on the blog. But I’m hoping that by sharing parts of my story, my thoughts and opinions you’re getting a glimpse on the girl behind the blog. I could never do the a-post-a-day style of blogging and telling you everything I did or ate in a single day. Simply because that’s not me. I also stopped weekend reviews because – unless something particularly significant or fun happened – I admittedly hardly knew what to write. Does that make me less visible? I hope not.

Because yes, while I realize I just talked a lot about visible and invisible bloggers I’m not sure how well I score here, either. It’s a tricky thing to know – or actually, we can’t ever know – what exactly readers want to know about ourselves unless they’re saying it. And also how much we’re willing to share. What I like to know about other bloggers are their stories. Finding out about the people who matter to them. Impacting experiences they make. What makes them happy. What makes them sad. Their studies or jobs [blogging is the best way to find out about a completely different field!]. For me, the most difficult part about becoming more personal and at that more visible is that I don’t consider my day-to-day life an action film but more of oh, hey, welcome to the daily grind. Jawning is a good way to power your brain up with some oxygen – but I wouldn’t want to be the one to evocate this natural reaction in you if you know what I mean. (:

Now that I’ve gotten all of that randomness off my brain: let’s chat! Tell me whatever you want to spill on the topic – questions for inspiration below!

It’s that time of the week again where I’m cutting my rambles short and let others’ words of wisdom, wittiness or [mouth]watering recipes shine. To say it in the words of Rihanna [or similarly]: I hope some of them are shining right like a diamond for you there.

By far my favourite kind of posts are those where the discussion in the comments sparks the idea for another post – and that’s just what happened after my recent post. Like I mentioned I wasn’t sure if I should post it assuming everybody else would have a different opinion and not understand mine about not sharing. Then again, disagreement and seeing topics from another perspective is what enlivens conversations and is the beauty of blogging. Respectful, comprehensive commentary, that is. And then there are anonymus comments with the sole intention of letting you know “wrong/mean/stupid!”. It was one of that kind that inspired me to think about an issue that I’d only read about on other blogs but never delved into deeper myself before: comment policies. Just like last time I’m curious and can’t wait to hear your approach. Let’s [dis]agree and think out loud!

Among the many things I didn’t know when I started blogging was that it’d attract not only kind but snarky or even hurtful comments, too – and that it might be wise to set up a comment policy for yourself. When I started blogging I approved of every comment – spam aside – and tried to answer them, too. Numerous times getting defensive when a commenter made some snarky notes on what I’d written [or in most cases eaten but more on that below]. Honestly, I absolutely dislike not approving a comment. It feels like I didn’t pay attention to a reader and I want everyone who stops by to know I read and – even if I respond with a major delay or not at all [<- sorry! Trying to stop being that forgetful about it!] – every single one makes me happy.

I’m appreciative of every comment – anonymus or not. In fact, some of the anonymus comments I received early on when I’d just started blogging – and at that recovering – were helpful. Hidden by the cloak of anonymity these people didn’t hesitate to point out when they thought I was cheating myself and still restricting while in denial [I was]. Reading and thinking about their comments that way helped me move on, change and while probably a little hurtful or harsh at first I’m thankful for them in hindsight.

It’d be naive to think you could blog and live in a bubble of ignorance where yours is the only acceptable opinion. Blogging thrives off of exchange with alike andnon-alike minds. If a comment allows for any kind of further conversation I’ll approve it and see where it leads. “You’re mean/ dumb/ ugly/ can’t spell/ …” doesn’t lead anywhere. It’s an irrelevant personal accusation and if you feel the need to say it – again: mail me. Like the above examples of helpful anonymus comments show I don’t think I’m perfect in every – or any – aspect of life. In fact, I feel like for many of us the feedback of an outsider can help us realize truths we didn’t see before. Criticism – of the constructive kind – is welcome.

Rude and accusing comments – in real life just like in the blog world – often come from a place of … I’ll be honest: if your only intention is to bring others down: don’t waste your time. It’s cowardly to attack others from the depths of anonymity in the online community. Try to say only what you’d openly confront people with if you met them on the street. And even if you choose to post anonymically using a pseudonym – which I absolutely understand and respect – you should have the courage to leave a valid e-mail adress only visible to me. If you’re genuinely interested in me responding to you, that is. If not: why comment in anyway?

I’m genuinely interested in the exchange with readers – bloggers and non-bloggers alike – and most definitely not just if you agree with what I’m writing. What I like a lot about blogging is the large spectrum of different people and their views and opinions on all kinds of topics. Even if I have a certain attitude towards an issue I’m not opposed to changing it if I hear convincing arguments in favour of a different standpoint. In fact, I’d be disappointed and bored if everybody agreed with me all of the time. side note: Yes, dad, I enjoy our arguments where two stubborn heads collide.

What all of this means for the comment policy I didn’t realize I’d started practicing somewhere along the way? I will allow negative comments if they have a fundament and allow for further discussion or add to the conversation. Comments that are clearly just meant to hurt or non-sensical ones distract and dillute any serious interaction going on.

On that note I invite you to disagree with me in the comments. Prove me wrong. Tell me why your comment policy is better or what it entails. I’m looking forward to the exchange and you might convince me to change my mind here.

Happiness-inducing today: Overhearing a litttle boy [maybe around 3 years old?] at the grocery telling his mum he loved here in the middle of the freezer aisle. Kids’ spontaneity and honestly warms my heart.