It is not necessary for you to send a check today, the Federal Reserve will loan it to us from the money you have now, and the money you will get over the next 10 years.

I can report that we have defeated the enemy and as an extra bonus, have recycled almost 2000 tons of nuclear waste into their soil. Most of them will die off over the next 100 years, and their gene-pool will never again threaten our mighty nation.

I apologize if this bill comes at a time when the price of everything is going up, it's just a coincidence, and we are all suffering equally.

But we are Americans, and thanks to your government, we are the richest, the most powerful, the toughest nation in the world. Everybody else on the planet is afraid of us, so you can go to sleep tonight, fully confident that the Commander in Chief will take care of you. If we all do what we are told, everything will be fine.

Keep watching your television, it is the only way you can stay informed of what we are doing for your own good.