MIAMA, Florida -- Thousands of Cuban refugees have made their way to the lengthy coast of Florida as Fidel Castro, Cuba's communist dictator, undergoes intestinal surgery to "shrink his asshole".

Citizens see this as a perfect opportunity to escape and hop aboard their expensive yachts. Unfortunately, not all made it. Some didn't know which way Florida was due to Fidel's banning of cartography (that's a fancy word for "map making") within the country. Quite a few made it to Florida despite the crowded seas and confusion, but those who got lost were reportedly sunk and captured by the crew of the Black Pearl.

Castro is expected to regain consciousness within the next few hours. When Castro awakes, the entire country of Cuba is expected to be a ghost town.

"This is almost similar to when the British exiled Napoleon Bonaparte to the island of Saint Helena," said one Cuban refugee who shockingly spoke perfect English, "Maybe he [Castro] will get stomach cancer too! Talk about irony!"