Anger-related stress is a killer, but there’s something you can do about it

No question about it, I am cross. I know this isn’t in the spirit of the goodwill-filled New Year, but there it is. For five minutes, I have been sitting in the drizzle on a park bench next to a girl eating a foul-smelling hamburger and shouting into her mobile about the “Chrissie” presents she got.

No sooner has she gone than a young man sits down and starts a noisy conversation on his phone about how he’s “going to get so wasted” tonight. What with the snowballing list of jobs to be done in 2013 and the flatness I’m feeling now Christmas is over, I am in a rage.

“Now hold on a minute,” says a soothing voice from the next bench. I look up to see a figure with twinkling eyes and a long, Gandalf-like mane of white hair. Is it a spirit, come to thaw out my cold, hard heart? No, it’s Mike Fisher, 55, originally from South Africa, and my anger management consultant for the day.

He’s written books on the subject, given numerous lectures, and, as founder of the British Association of Anger Management, conducts group and one-to-one counselling sessions.

I’ve already handed him a list of things that annoy me, from cyclists who don’t stop at red lights and bus passengers who don’t form queues, to charity collectors with clipboards and insincere smiles. Sometimes I could swear they do it just to irritate.

“Your problem,” says Fisher, “is that you are taking these things personally. In order not to be angered by them, you have to accept that they aren’t directed at you.”

Maybe not, but how can anyone be so downright rude as to ignore the person sitting six inches away, in the firing line of their onion breath and feckless phone chat?

“Again, that’s a typical trigger for anger,” purrs Fisher. “One thing that makes people crosser than anything else is being made to feel insignificant.”

So what’s the solution? Should I shout abuse at the offenders (which Fisher calls “exploding”)? Or perhaps direct a series of snide and sarcastic remarks in their direction (“imploding”)?

Neither, it seems. The best thing to do, declares my temper-trainer, is to take a deep breath and walk away. But surely that’s taking the milk of human kindness a step too far? He shakes his head.

“This notion of somehow winning and losing isn’t very helpful,” he says. “Don’t sweat the small stuff. If someone’s eating food next to you, move away. If someone’s got their smartphone on too loud in the train, move to another carriage. And if you can’t move, put on some music yourself.

“The secret is to step back and take a look at the big picture. Ask yourself: will it matter in five minutes? If the answer is no, let it go. You’ll feel better and live longer.”

For the fact is that stress from anger impacts the immune system, starts to break down the body and reduces the lifespan. In the 12 months between May 2011 to 2012, there were 6,400 people admitted to hospital in the UK with stress – a 47 per cent increase on the pre-recession figure for 2007-8.

“There’s a lot of anger around,” Fisher says. “I don’t think it’s fully appreciated just how many people get to the office already stressed out by their journey, before the daily grind of work has even begun.

“Very often, it’s the anger that we feel with ourselves that we dump on other people. Given that you can’t stand in front of the mirror berating yourself, you go and take it out on someone else instead.”

He has no shortage of suggestions for how one should manage that anger, from ensuring that the inside of your car is clean and playing relaxing music, to keeping a daily anger diary and resisting the temptation to hit back and hurt.

“It’s always better to explain to people how you’d like them to alter their behaviour, rather than just being abusive.

“As for managing someone else’s anger, I’d suggest an air ticket to Bombay or Delhi. Live for a few days in the slums there, and you’ll soon shut up and appreciate the life you have here.”

For information on British Association of Anger Management courses, phone 0345 130 0286 or visit beatinganger.com