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The Chicken Doctor

The Architect

10 Miles and Explosions

I distinctly recall informing my older two children that if they should get a detention this year they would need to figure out how long it would take them to either ride a bike or walk the ten miles to school since the new policy is that all detentions are served on Tuesday mornings at 7:15 sharp. Which means they would need to leave the house at least by 6:45am to get to school on time. And I ain’t never-ever-ever gonna get up and out of the house that early so my child can go serve a detention for something STUPID they did.

I also remember threatening my oldest son within an inch of his life if he forgot his gym clothes one more time which would cause him to have a detention.

Well, guess what?

Somebody is going to have to figure out if he wants to peddle or walk tomorrow morning and he’s going to have to get his arse up out of bed pretty early to get there on time. Because if he’s even a fraction of a second late….he’ll get to do it all over again on Thursday. ALL BECAUSE HE COULDN’T BOTHER WITH WASHING HIS GYM SHIRT!! I can’t think of any better punishment for not dressing out properly in gym class than more exercise, so there you go.

Seriously, my children are killing me. Slowly, painfully, one idiotic thing at a time they are KILLING ME! I planned on living until I was well into my 90’s, but I’m barely skimming past my mid 50’s now. That’s how many years they have shaved off my once long-happy-stress-free life.

Good grief. I am turning into a grumpy old lady before my very eyes. If any of you happen to see my giant son Seth tomorrow and he looks a little bruised and bloody, it’s because I am going to chew him up one side and down the other when he get home. Can’t get himself organized enough to remember a stupid gym uniform! All I can hope for is that he will have five boys to raise himself and that his wife is a better woman than me.

Boys!!!

Next in line is my youngest. He plays explosion. I don’t know what else to call it, because that’s what he does, he hops around, making explosion sounds with a toy in his hand and then hurls his body into the couch then hippity-hoppity across the floor while exploding with the toy in his hand and then hurls his body into the toy chest. Now, repeat that everyday for a good ten minutes and you have Levi playing explosion back and forth across the living room and library. He gets all hot and sweaty and then he’s done, until the next day. Sometimes, I have to tell him to go upstairs to play explosion or I have to tell him to stop because he’s being so LOUD!

So what, he’s playing, right?

Yes, he’s a little boy with a huge imagination and it’s wonderful to listen to him playing in his little world.

But he has left behind a war zone. He has ripped the edge of the rug off where he twirls and hops, broken a board in the back of the couch where he hurls his body during one of the explosions and broken the hinge off the toy chest where it has fielded it’s last attack from Levi’s shrapnel.

My house can not withstand Levi’s explosions much longer. I told him yesterday that he could not longer land in the furniture while he’s playing explosion. So, now he’s upstairs playing explosion and I’m just waiting for the ceiling to fall…any second now. I don’t think this house is going to have any walls left by the time I get these boys out of it.

But, I don’t need to worry about that because they are going to drive me to an early grave. They can just bury me under the heap of broken furniture in my living room and maybe use a gym shirt to mark the burial spot.

*After Seth got home…..

So, what is the first thing Seth says when he walks through the door, “Hey Mom! I was thinking it would be fun to ride my bike to school tomorrow. I already asked Dad and he thinks it’s a great idea!!”

I laughed and told him his skin should be thankful that he’s funny and quick to save himself.

oh seth…i can just see him trudging his way to school, still in the near dark at about, what, 530am to get there by 730?? or will his sister drive him?? don’t give in april! don’t get up early and take him!! seriously!!

Oh, I won’t Becky. He is on his own and keeps telling me how excited he is about riding his bike tomorrow. I told him not to push it. And yeah he needs to leave by at least 5:30 to guarantee he’s there in time.

Your writing and ability to laugh at life makes me laugh as well. Boys are just odd. Hopefully this story makes you laugh. Last night my 7 year old peed in a cup while in the shower. He didn’t want to pee in the tub, since the drain was stopped and didn’t want to get cold in the 3′ journey to the toilet. So, a cup. At least he handed the cup ‘o pee off to his dad.

Poor mom. A lesson well learned for Seth, I’m sure. My Ethan and your Levi should play together. Well, maybe not. Outside would be safe, wouldn’t it? Ethan would play explosion while running up and down the length of the kitchen (I have a long kitchen)every time I would sit at the computer. I would hear missiles and bombs and on and on. At least I can be happy he’s not broken any furniture yet. He’s getting big, though…

Oh, I’m so glad I have a girl..I don’t know if I could handle a boy..I have a step son that just about did me in as a teenager. I’m afraid if he had been my own son, he my not have survived the teenage years !! My hussband is a long haul truck diver so i was home alone with my his son and my daughter,. (his mother is passed away). I used to hear all the time”I don’t have to do what you say because you aren’t my mother” ! Very frustrating !!!!!I’m hoping he has ten kids just like hm when he has childen !!!

I love boys! My sons used to set up their little army guys all over me while I was napping. I loved it. Even the spit I felt on my face as things ‘exploded’ in the war. Enjoy it because it doesn’t last!

I’m so glad to hear someone else has an exploding child! My exploder is now 27, but there were days I thought he would not make it to 13!
Most of his explosions occurred on the stair landing. It was a perfect height for him to bounce, kick his legs in the air, and bounce to the couch. He never broke any furniture that I know of. I always wished I could somehow harness that energy!

I love with Tracy B. says 🙂 My youngest is 17. He has destroyed just about everything in my home, including the door to his room, his carpeting, and he goes so far as to spit on the walls! Never have I seen anything like it. I’ve put off getting a living room sofa (we’ve been using a day bed in the living room, with a destroyed box spring and mattress – used to be his), and new stoneware for my kitchen (mine’s almost 25 years old). Won’t be replacing anything, or redecorating til he’s gone!

ha, ha, you poor thing. I went through this with my 3 boys, holes in the wall, tear in a BRAND NEW leather chair, no idea how it got there. And don’t think they are leaving any time soon. Deep breaths mom.

I have 3 kids, but only 1 is a boy. He is 7 now and it’s a good thing he was already going to be the last child, because he would have certainly been the LAST child either way! I tell my husband all the time that the bible condemns divorce, but it says nothing about NOT living with your spouse and children. I picture a little house in my backyard and I’m the only one with a key (to the padlocked front door). *sigh*

Be glad he doesn’t play “bomb” like I used to when I was a kid. I used to take my mom’s tampons, unwrap them, throw them, yell, “duck, it’s a bomb”, and then I would dive behind the nearest furniture. I apparently did this most often when mom had company. Be thankful for “explosion” and not “bomb”. LOL

I made my teen walk to the store one morning when he forgot to tell me the night before that he needed a package of m&m’s for school. So, off he goes down the highway with 18-wheelers 2 feet from him going 50 mph. I prayed for his safety and watched for his return. He made it! I laughed this morning when I watched him warm up the muffins and then put the butter on them. I told him, “You know it would work better if you put the butter on and THEN warmed them up.” I guess they don’t get it by osmosis! I’m trying to TEACH and not do for them. Funny story! Tell your son to call a cab! HA!

I have a son who is often forgetful. I frequently bring things to his school that he has forgotten if I am able to do so. Although this is at times annoying, I always remind myself that I am often forgetful too and occasionally have to ask someone to bring me something I have left behind. I think this is called being human. And relying on people to help us out is called support. It’s not really such a bad thing if you look at it that way.

Don’t fear, we still supported him by not letting him ride in the dark on the country roads that morning and by dropping off his book bag and uniform at school….because he forgot them. He’s well supported and loved and relies very heavily on his family who are doing their best to help him.

I am laughing here, remembering it all. I only have one son but had boys moving in and out of the house. The house was always destroyed. I live in the suburbs and when they got to be too much (quite often), I made them run around the block.
By the time they got back, they would be too tired to mess around. Yes, the back board in my sofa was broken several times, and there are still blade scratches on the kitchen floor from skates. But now when I scrub the floor, I remember each and every one and sometimes wish the boys would flood the house again with themselves and their liveliness.

I have FOUR boys and have been around that mountain so many time I think I’ll be sick very soon. I have one son who is just 9 by 10 days and he has been to the ER for stitches or cast 8 times. He’s going to be the death of me!! It’s pretty bad when he knows where to go and when he enters the Techs/nurses call him by name!

Dear April, each mum share and understand what you’re saying ;)))
My boy (12 years old) uses to sing. All. The. Time. Yeeeeeees, everyone says “That’s great, it means he’s in a good mood”.
It’s true.
But I SWEAR that to hear a little boy with the Barry’s White voice singing at loud in my small appartement, each single minute of a day… sometimes, I become an awful mother and shout like a crazy woman : “SHUUUUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUUP !!!!”… ;DD
Sorry, if I shock you 😉

Parenting is walking the razor’s edge between leaving them to the consequences of their own actions and snatching them out of moving traffic. My then 10 year old son got suspended from the school bus- he had to walk to school, carrying his backpack. Since it was a dangerous road we did it on a Saturday, it happened to rain, and I drove behind him with flashers on. His teacher said I was a horrible mother, but he is a smart, capable adult who takes responsibility for his actions.

I love hearing about your sons. I have 3 that are now mid-20’s to early-30’s. I have had the footrail on my bed repaired twice, the leg on an entry table repaired, a stained glass window fractured, plates broken. Most of these damages were done in wrestling matches (most of the time also involving their father). They cannot walk past each other without touching each other…even today! They drove/drive me crazy, but I have enjoyed (nearly) every minute of it all! I LOVE boys! I also now have a fabulous daughter-in-law and a lovely granddaughter…and they are great, too…but alot calmer 🙂