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I don't even know where to start with this one. I feel like my mind is an ever flowing river, constantly pulled this way and that by abstract manifestations of the world around me, never really settling on something but rather either constantly tumbling down a rocky hill or soaring into the clouds to see everything around me, in sequence. I had a dream the other night that I pulled my eyeballs from my sockets and held them in my hands, looking at them. I stared at them in curiosity before realizing with a shock that I should not be seeing anything at all. At that moment (in the dream), I realized that through my entire life my eyes had never actually worked, and everything I had ever seen was merely a creation of my own mind. To me that represented the intense SELF that I have, the swirling, tumbling mess of feelings, worries, pleasure, fear, insights and all of that which has loosely stitched itself into a sort of ball that likes to call itself 'me'. I can be at once endlessly determined and strong yet be dropped like a fly by a passing thought of my own creation. In some ways I am about as stable as a bowling ball balanced on a cue stick yet in others I sit as solidly as the ocean on the floor of the earth, which may be constantly flowing but never really changes its form or loses it's sparkle, and is filled with countless amounts of life and endless expanses, and is all at once massive and incredible yet fragile and easily damaged, and people like to drive their boats all over it, and though there may be frozen looking pieces at the poles it's still only superficial.

Oh, and I'm constantly sad that one day I will die and any work I put into this transient collection of electricity which forms a home in the fleshy tissue of my brain will be discharged and it's constituent parts will float away into the universe and lose all shape and form which it once had.

"I'm just not meeting these fantasy ideals of yours which are mine." -Adrian Madden

Before I found out that there is actually a personality type that fits me, I was sure I was just weird. But even then, when I doubted a lot about my own being, I thought that if there was a way to change my past, would I do it? No. Even when I could see the big picture and all the mistakes I had made, I would not change my past, for I like the way I turned out and I couldn't know if my mistakes have played a part in making me the way I am.

Another reason to like myself is the fact that most of the people don't concentrate on the issues that matter. They worry about the little things, and the big things get catastrophic. Then they wonder why they are being punished like that...

Thing that makes it hard for me to like myself is the really big picture that I am forced to see. I see the impossible equation that is turning the world into a very bad place, I understand why they are not even trying to solve the problem, and I basically know how it could be done. It feels like being kept down while someone is drowning three feet away from you.

Originally Posted by toonia

Complex, abstract, emotional pain is not easy to resolve, and that can often be the world of the iNtuitive Feeler. Such pain is not subject to the external measurement of logic or anything concrete and observable. It is internalized perceptions of the external world and its meaning. When it is distorted by a subjective lens it can burn the soul. Becoming trapped by it is like fighting an assailant you cannot see.

I have found that only effective way for me to stop the existential anxiety is to think up a way to turn the emotions into a logical puzzle and then figure out a single line that compresses the whole picture. Then I just follow the rule that I have made from the line and that is logically valid for me. For example, I beat my low self esteem by collecting all the data about what I am good (and bad) at, then make it a single line: "I am as good as the next guy, or better" After this I just go into all the new situations with this mantra. Works like a charm, but I have to make the thinking process first, acknowledging all the angles, and accepting the possibility for a negative outcome.

Originally Posted by GZA

I think it can lead to a different sense of masculinity, too, the one based on strong passion for everything and turning it into action and incredible strength (mental, not physical). As Pink said in one of the threads in the Relationships section, many INFP males are both tough as nails and extremely emotionally sensitive, and I think this is the kind of masculinity that occurs in INFP's and other NF men.

To make a long story short, rather than being rational, direct, assertive, action oriented, and emotionally detachted male stereotype (which is generally ESTJ, ESTP, or ENTJ or some kind of hybrid), INFP men use their emotions and values to become strong and passionate, highly motivated and uncompromising with the strong will to make a lot happen that they find important and the will and need to protect and help people in need.

But I'm not really old enough to truely be a "man" yet, so maybe I'm way off

Sounds right to me. Male-INFP, myself. The way I see my strength is that I know myself so well that I also know that it is impossible for anyone to make me crack. You guys read Tao Te Ching? It describes the strength of water (or the strength of Tao) very much the same way as I see my own strength. I am very vulnerable because I am open to everything, but this has made me strong because I know my weak spots better than the average people. They have all kinds of blocks and walls in their minds that hide something. And when those walls are broken, these people will go insane. I know this will not happen to me, so I don't have to control myself so much. Also, I know that with my intuition and knowledge about the emotional world, it would be possible for me to hit someone very hard with my words. Obviously it would mean that the one to be hit had to be somebody EVIL because I could not hurt anybody if I wasn't sure they deserve it.

I actually really hate the passive thing quite a lot. I had this experience with a friend who commented callously once "don't compare me with her." and me being a male it's kinda demeaning, but i just kept my silence and withdrew and another friend who observed it all said to me "don't you have balls? why didn't you retort or something." Then it all added on to the hurt of the first comment and well I can't really explain it, but the upshot of it was that I didn't like how I would freeze up in conflicts and not be able to do anything except withdraw and hide.

The worst part of it all was that I somehow convinced myself that the friend was just joking (and he was, although it still hurt) so he didn't know what he was saying, and that kinda meant he didn't mean it so it was okay somehow. I just think that if sometimes I can't see the good in everything/one so often I'd be able to stand up for myself instead of empathizing with my detractor and disparaging myself all the more.

I used to exhibit this passive behavior before. I just wasn't able to defend myself.

Then I got bullied at school.

It wasn't anything small or childish. Sometimes I had bruises.

That kind of hardened my skin, because afterwards I decided that I will never again let anyone treat me like that.

Nowadays I defend myself instantly in a very extroverted, noisy way (ESTJ shadow in action, possibly?). This has caused certain people to avoid me But, yes, I'm definitely no more the former wimp that anyone could rub his feet on.