Funny Quotes From Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Knights of Camelot: [singing] We're knights of the Round Table, we dance whene'er we're able. We do routines and chorus scenes with footwork impec-cable, We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and Spam a lot. / We're knights of the Round Table, our shows are for-mi-dable. But many times we're given rhymes that are quite un-sing-able, We're opera mad in Camelot, we sing from the diaphragm a lot. / In war we're tough and able, Quite in-de-fa-ti-gable. Between our quests we sequin vests and impersonate Clark Gable / It's a busy life in Camelot
[solo]Knights of Camelot: I have to push the pram a lot.
Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his penis...Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.
King of Swamp Castle: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who.
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?Peasant: Well, she turned me into a newt!Sir Bedevere: A newt?Peasant: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better.
Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then?The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king.Large Man with Dead Body: Why?The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Prince Herbert: But mother,King of Swamp Castle: Father, I'm father.Prince Herbert: But father...
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
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Monty Python quotes:Monty PythonLife of BrianFlying CircusLast update: Thu, 01/25/2018 - 06:09