WATCH: Here Is Charlie Sheen's EPIC TMZ Livestream Interview

He spent the afternoon in his backyard with a TMZ reporter (and the goddesses), letting it all hang out.

Here's what we could decipher from this winning-fest:

On why he's already feels misrepresented by the interviews he gave this morning: "See, I want to be interviewed by Nick Swisher in Yankee Stadium because that's an arena I'm going to win in, that's an arena he's going to win in."

On his status on the WB lots: "They issued a warning to all the security guys at Warner Brothers [saying] not to let me in."

"Hi, Mom." One of the "goddesses," when the camera panned to her.

On where his kids are right now: [gesturing to his house] "They're in there... somewhere. Everyone here parents the kids. They're running into walls, but they're screaming 'dada' when they're doing it."

On sobriety: "I'm clean. Sober's an AA term."

On the flak he's getting: "These insults are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my sabre."

On... well, we're not sure: "Sorry my life's so much more bitchin' than yours."

On whether he'd sign a CBS contract promising to be clean for the rest of shooting "Two And A Half Men": "Bring it."

On his idea to have porn stars, his ex-wives and kids all live on a compound: "Every plan I have is the best plan in the room. Everybody get quiet and listen to it, and everybody will win."

Okay, Charlie. In the meantime, here are the thoughts of some thoughtful Twitterers who won the tweet war on this one -- and scroll down if you actually want to watch the entire trainwreck, parts one and two.