Replies to This Discussion

Supposed to? No. There's no behavior that works on every man. Just as women have different preferences so do men. Some guys love the reassurance of a woman that shows her affection, others feel smothered and then lose interest.

Since you asked, the best thing I can say from my own experiences is to always be putting energy in the relationship (both people) keep doing things that appeal so you are drawing them instead of pushing. Keep doing those things that are good for you, and that both of you like. This can look very different from relationship to relationship. Sorry there's no set formula but that's what makes it fun right?

Since this is a pretty old thread I'm guessing that your daughters interest in the guy is already history but if he's still around then maybe post up and let us guys know what worked for them.

Well the fact is that most women won't make the first move and most of them are not used to being turned down after asking a guy out cause they never DO IT.

So If I like a girl , I will let her know. I don't care if she shows signs of liking me or not ... sometimes I've been very surprised that a girl who seems to show a lot of interest get's weirded out when I ask them out and vice versa ... girls that act like they aren't interested are flattered I ask them out.

So I don't play games. I just go for the kill and avoid all the other mind games. If she likes me, cool ... if not, I'll just approach some other girl.

Doesn't work for me and is a big turn off. I don't like to be toyed with. I understand it can be hard to admit your interested in some one. I'm a strait forward person and I have been known to struggle with this especially if I really like the girl but I just suck it up and come out with it. When I let a girl know I'm interested I expect an honest response. I don't want to be left on the hook as some sort of back up and I've already been through the unpleasant experience of trying to be friends with a girl I have feelings for.

I think women tend to move faster sometimes and start to get clinging and that could push me away. If they back off then I become more interested again. I could see how this could be confusing and look as if it's a cat and mouse game. Women have to understand that I have been single more than I have been in relationships so It takes time for me to share my time and space with someone. I'm not used to talking on the phone everyday and devoting my attention to someone other then myself.

I believe that this claim is rather subjective... depending on the situation. It is easy to say that the general trend goes something like this: males typically approach and pursue females while females remain ambivalent throughout the entirety of the process in order to keep the males interest. However, this backfires all too frequently and, due to this lack of instantaneous reward, many men will quickly feel rejected if the aforementioned game is too difficult to play. Quite simply, it is good for women to reciprocate interest if they are interested in the pursuing male. It probably wouldn't hurt for women to attempt a role reversal, either

If I hate one thing in human relationships, it is withouth a doubt playing games. If a woman or girl is interested in me, I want her to show exactly this. Unless I have any reason to believe that she is interested in me, I quickly lose interest in her, as it makes me feel that I am only wasting my time.

There is no need for a hurry, to be sure, but having me wait for ever, or not telling me about uncertainties or probable misunderstandings, will make me look out for someone else soon.

I know for a fact that stuff like this – ‘as a girl, you need to give the boy a hard time, for boys are naturally hunters’ – is spread by girls’ magazines and the like. As a man, who used to be boy, too, of course, I tell you: bullshit!

Be honest, talk about your thoughts and feelings, your insecurities, and ask me questions about whatever you would like to know.

Here is my two cents: I think a girl should express her interest. There is such thing as coming on too strong though, you don't want to smoother him. Show that you're interested but give him space too. It's nice to know that the interested girl has a life outside of chasing you around, I find the opposite uncomfortable.

I hope you haven't had to endure too much on account of this "cat and mouse game." I am a guy and I can tell you that I am quite turned off by such a thing. I've recently had this experience with someone, where the girl I genuinely liked was all about playing such games. I can't really blame her because she has extreme anxiety and is very shy and it is as though she had to learn to be like this to have any kind of deep relationship with anyone. Instead of being direct about almost anything she'd have a tendency to say something obscure and then analyze the hell of what I'd say in response. At first I found this a bit intriguing, but it quickly became quite frustrating and a contest all about outsmarting each other, but not in some meaningful scientific way either. I finally had to distance myself from the person, because it wasn't a style of interacting that interested me and as sympathetic as I am to her extreme shyness, I had to call it quits.

Anyway, I can assure you that such pretend interactions are not everyone's cup of tea.

I can only say that I abhor the hard to get game. Having been raised by a man with Asperger's, it's thoroughly confusing to me. I don't know if I have Asperger's as well, but I definitely share a lot of the social gullibility, lack of awareness, and lack of any ability to show empathy to others. Sometimes when I have had a girlfriend, I couldn't differentiate between playing hard to get and losing interest, so the game being in existence at all in relationships, and becoming more commonplace amongst my generation is disconcerting. I really like honest and open (not in the sexually philandering way) relationships.

Here are 10 things which will explain guys and how to relate to them. I wrote it as if I was a mom preparing my own daughter for the dating scene. Thanks in advance:

1. The #1 obstacle to understanding the male gender is that of assuming that they think like we do. Believe me, sister, they don’t.

2. Everybody wants to be accepted “as is,” but this is doubly true for guys. Females are more likely to contemplate changing themselves to please their partner, but changing yourself will not make him feel like meeting you halfway. It will just prove to him that he was right in the first place.

3. Pressuring your guy to change or to commit will just alienate him. “You’ll catch more bees with honey than with vinegar,” as they say. But not everything was meant to be. Sometimes you need to have the strength to walk away instead of pursuing the impulse to control or mold someone else. He has every right to be who he is just as you have the right to be who you are.

4. When you try to control someone, they control you. You end up watching them, spying on them, checking their cell phone, reading their e-mails, and so on. Then you find yourself planning and obsessing how to handle him.

5. Getting pregnant will cause more problems than it solves. It may be the tipping point that sends him away, when you thought it’d make him commit. Don’t be stupid. Now, read the next point. It’s a follow-up to this one.

6. Babies are not little bundles of love. They are little bundles of need. Having a baby before your life is prepared for it will really, really screw up your personal and social development as well as your education. It could impoverish you and put your career aspirations on hold indefinitely. It may even mean giving up your career entirely.

7. Males are acquisitive. To them, a partner is a kind of possession. All too often, we pattern our relationships on the maternal role. We think that by caring for, loving, and nurturing we are cultivating love in the other. This may work for kids (although even that is doutful: what is your relationship with your mom like?). Apply it to guys and you are headed for disaster. Guys make us chase them by ignoring us. If he thinks he owns you, he will move on to his next project.

8. I can’t stress this one too much: Guys don’t give a rat’s ass about marriage. They do not sit around dreaming about a neat little house with a nice yard and a couple kids running around playing with their kitty cat and puppy dog while their wife bakes cookies and knits sweaters. This is even true if you get a marriage proposal. Here’s the proof: Bride is the thickest magazine on the rack. If you could live a frickin’ zillion years and search the entire universe, you’d never find a Groom magazine.

9. Sure, we all want to be loved for what’s inside, and a guy can learn to love what you have on the inside, but who you are is also how you look. Guys are very visually oriented. Now, there are “chubby chasers” and (eeek!!!) guys who think anorexics are hot. However, if you want the normal guys chasing you, get in shape and learn to present yourself because physical appearance counts when it comes to guys!

10. As for sex and birth control, remember you are the one who gets pregnant. We’ve often heard girls say “It takes two to tango so it’s only fair that the guy take equal responsibility for avoiding pregnancy.” Listen, my sweets: an unwanted pregnancy is a disaster. You make sure you don’t get pregnant. Why should he care? He’s not the one who’ll get the huge tummy, hemorrhoids, and stretch marks. And look around you: much of the time they don’t stick around. Marriages that start with an unwanted pregnancy usually don’t last.