Pages

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Meet the Staff of the Daily Brass

This year, in lieu of raises, the management of the Daily Brass has agreed to post a
brief bio of each staff member, thus acknowledging their existence and introducing
them to their audience. The views of the
staff do not in any way represent the views of the Daily Brass, which is against pretty much everything.

Purvis McGrew (Open
Letters) - Purvis is our entertainment editor.He earned his degree in
Entertainment News from Leeza Gibbons University in Stockdale, MD and is a
former writer for the periodical Celebrity
Stalker.A childhood affliction of
worms inspired him to write an episode of the animated children’s series, Pound Puppies which never aired.According to Purvis, the episode was
scratched for political reasons.“They
said my piece wasn’t ‘kid friendly’ just because, in one scene, the pound
puppies mauled a kid.”He is the author
of the novel, Meet the Tootersons and
contributed to Christamar Varicella’s novel Dinosaur
Ghost.Someday he hopes to work for
TMZ.In his spare time, he enjoys
rooting through dumpsters looking for discarded pornography.He lives in a barn.

Alfred “Stinky”
Butterman (Fake Book Reviews) - Some people think Al was the inspiration
for Dean Moriarty in Jack Kerouac’s classic On
the Road.These people are grossly
misinformed.He was, however, the
inspiration for the character Zipperhead in Purvis McGrew’s debut novel, Meet the Tootersons and also for Willy in Christamar Varicella’s classic
novel-in-progress The Zombie Bocephus.A former member of the Marine Corps Show
Choir (the only member who wasn’t a Marine), Al is a staunch conservative who
has recently clashed publicly with Daily
Brass lead book reviewer Sally Putterman over Mitt Romney’s autobiography, This Land is My Land: The Mitt Romney Story.Al wishes it known that he is, in fact,
right, while Ms. Putterman is wrong.

Sally Putterman (Fake
Book Reviews) - Sally is a former adjunct professor of botany at the University
of Missouri Online, Wildlife Division.She is one of the world’s twelve leading experts on the subject of tree
bark as rated by the periodical, Bark!
and she is the nineteenth leading expert on the subject of beans.Her recent article in the industry-leading
legume-related interview magazine Spill
the Beans won the coveted Golden Garbanzo Award, sponsored by the Midwest
Legume Society.An avowed political
liberal, she recently made news with her public spat with fellow fake book
reviewer Al “Stinky” Butterman over Mitt Romney’s autobiography, This Land is My Land: The Mitt Romney Story.In response to Al’s most recent comment featured in this bio section, Ms. Putterman
responded, “Al said that?Well, he can
go suck it!”She once spent several
weeks living in a chicken coop.

Christamar Varicella (Editor-in-Chief,
Fiction Editor) - Christamar Varicella is the author of several novels
including The Oiliest Secret and Dinosaur Ghost.He is currently working on The Zombie Bocephus.He tends to write several novels
simultaneously, which inevitably causes characters and plotlines to intersect and/or
appear in the wrong novel.A bit of a
misanthrope, who summarily rejects applicants to his fan club, Christamar
believes it is an author’s duty to confuse and antagonize his readers, which
might explain why he has very few readers.