Who's The Saddest U.S. Soccer Fan In The World?

How long does it take to get over a broken heart? The United States had a pretty serious love affair with the U.S. Men’s soccer team over the past few weeks, but like all passionate long-distance relationships, this one is flaming out — especially with yesterday’s loss, which was the equivalent of the team telling us “It’s time to see other people.”

So, yeah, I mean, I guess we should check out Colombia. They’ve got James Rodriguez — he’s pretty cute, and he can actually put the ball in the net, which helps prevent the blue balls of watching the U.S. team struggle to score for 105 minutes. Costa Rica is the closest thing you can get to the U.S. team — an underdog, and literally, geographically, the closest. Germany would be nice, if you’re into kinky stuff.

But… fuck open relationships! We only agreed to it because the USMNT suggested it first! We want you, USMNT! We want you.

We’re not the only ones who are sad. Check out this little collection of sad U.S. soccer fans around the world, and take comfort in the fact that they, too, are heartbroken: