I
have a problem. My mom and I
are close and when I made the
decison to have sex, 4 months
ago, I told her and she got
me Birth Control. She kept this
from my dad. My boyfriend of
1 1/2 years and I decided to
wait until we were ready. On
September 16th we had sexual
intercourse for the 3rd time.
While having sex his condom
got a small tear. Eventhough
I'm on Birth Control, I'm still
very scared that I might be
pregnant. I'm probably worring
over nothing, but I want to
do the right thing. Here's the
problem: my mother just passed
away on September 27th. I'm
going through a very rough time
right now along with the rest
of my family. If I am pregnant
I don't want to keep this child.
I couldn't bring this up in
such a crucial time in my life.
I my dad I are not very close
and I could never tell him about
this right now. I've done research
on Abortions and most say I
can't obtain one without consent.
Is there any way this is untrue
or any way I could? My boyfriend
is totally aware of the situation
and will help me through everything.
My boyfriend and I both come
from Wealthy families and can
afford to have one without financial
problems. What can I do? Your
help would be much appreciated!
Thanks.

Thanks
for your note to Feminist.com
and I'm so sorry to hear about
your mother and about your feelings
of uncertainty. It sounds like
you have a supportive boyfriend,
so I hope that helps to at least
ease some of the sadness and
stress. Almost every woman I
know has worried at some time
or another that she may be pregnant--and,
in fact, I know many--including
me--whose instincts were realized.

I think the first step is for
you the determine if you are
pregnant. However, you have
to be aware that sometimes if
it is too early in the pregnancy
it might not be detected, so,
I think, it is best to wait
five weeks from your last period.
However, a clinic can tell you
more accurately. If your period
is late, there could be other
reasons for this, too. A fellow
Feminist.com board member,
Karen, gave the following possible
reasons:

1.) you recently went on the
pill and I understand from my
friends who are on it that it's
not uncommon to miss your period
once in a while;
2.) you have been under tremendous
stress due to her mother's passing
and stress can sometimes affect
one's period."

You can buy a home pregnancy
test and/or go to a local clinic.
Planned
Parenthood is usually the
most reliable and accesible.
If you need help locating one
in your area, please call information
or let me know where you are
and I can find out. There is
also the National
Abortion Federation, which
has a hotline (#202-667-5881).
They can refer you to the nearest
NAF approved clinic.

Once this has been established
the next step is to decide what
to do, which you have already
done--and for whatever it's
worth, I support you in that
decision. As for getting an
actual abortion, the above two
sources PP and NAF
are the best places to receive
safe abortions. If neither of
these are options in your area,
please let me know and I can
ask about other recommendations.

As for "parental consent laws"
as they are called....these
are imposed by different states,
while some states don't require
anything, others require anyone
under the age of 18 to have
the consent of 1.) a parent
2.) both parents 3.) a guardian
or adult. These laws aren't
in every state nor are they
even applied in all the states
that require them. To find out
if your state is one that does
require "parental notification/consent"
you can either let me know in
which state you live and/or
contact the Center
for Reproductive Law and Policy
(#212-514-5534), which has all
of this information available.
In most states where there are
"parental consent/notification
laws" there is also such a thing
as a "judical override." This
basically means that you have
to go before a judge and present
an argument as to why it is
not in anyone's best interest
for you to have the consent
of a parent. I hope that your
situation doesn't come to that.

Also be aware--if you aren't
already--that if you are in
fact pregnant, the longer you
wait to terminate it the more
difficult and the more costly
it is. The earliest you can
have an abortion is at approximatley
7 weeks. After 12 weeks it becomes
a "second trimester" abortion,
which are more difficult and
harder to come by. I say this
all as a way of encouraging
you to not wait. And for the
future, you should also know
about the morning after pill,
which can be prescribed by any
doctor and is basically a large
dose of the pill taken at once.
This has to be done within 48
hours (or maybe longer-again,
the clinic can tell you).

I hope that this information
is helpful and I also hope you
know that you can call on me
and others at Feminist.com
to help you get more information.