How to Get Hired By Seeming Like a Serial Killer

Welcome to Work Sucks, the column where you get to complain about your most terrible, lousy, soul-sucking jobs. In this issue, we've brought you more of the best of your worst work stories from the past year. If your job sucks even worse than this, submit your story at the bottom of this page.

So some kid kept on asking her mom to get her candy while I was at work today. When they came by to check out, the mom asked me, "You are so skinny. What do you eat usually?" I answered, "Spinach. Lots of spinach." The look on her kid's face was priceless.- Anonymous

I work for Comcast as an installer, one of my duties is disconnecting cable. I disconnected a guy on Superbowl Sunday right before the game, I could see his living room with a flat screen set up and cars lining the street for a party. A minute before kick off, I pulled the wire, before I could get down the pole, the guy comes out with a gun shooting at me. I got the hell out of there and called the cops.- Anonymous

I work at a restaurant where we pass out pagers when your food is ready. A mother and young boy ordered their food and the boy kept reaching up. The mother handed him the pager and said "He always enjoys playing with my vibrator." My eyes got wide as I tried not to laugh. Then she said "uh I mean buzzer thingy" and made a bee line for the drink station.- Anonymous

I went in for a job interview. After an hour and some of filling out questioners and another twenty minutes of questioning as the HR manage fiddled with the results, I asked him "How did I do?" "Well," he said "it's says you either highly honest or highly criminal." Sso I looked him the eye with a straight face and said "So I'm either a hard worker or a serial killer, either way you should want to hire me right?" Long story short I start Monday.- Anonymous

I worked as a door to door salesman that stayed out sometimes till 10pm, after work there was a commute back to the office then the commute home. I was incredibly tired one night and pulled into a drive thru, the woman said "hello" and I then said my whole first paragraph of my pitch for security systems. I was so embarassed I pulled straight through and went home.- Anonymous

I work at a place that requires membership, When I scanned this older gentlemans membership card it said it would expire in two weeks and I asked him if he would like to renew it. His response was "No thanks, I'll probably be dead by then" I looked at him, thinking he was joking around, instead his face showed a horrible sadness. I honestly didn't know how to respond and just said "oh..."- Anonymous

Once I was at the till on a slow day, the only person on in my shop, doing sudoku on my knees, and a guy bursts in shouting that he's got a gun. Not knowing what to do, I pretended I didn't hear him and carried on doing my puzzle. He shouts again that he's got a gun, and the few customers in the shop were getting pretty edgy, but I had no idea how to handle the situation so I carried on ignoring him. And then he left without another word, and I got congratulated for keeping my cool.- Anonymous

I'm currently on suspension from my job of over 5 years. Why? I had surgery last week to remove cancer cells from my cervix, and even though the doctor recommended a week off, my managers could not give it to me. Of course I was on a pain medication, considering I had half of my woman parts removed. Then I was drug tested, and tested positive for my medication. However, even though I did them all a favor by coming in while in pain, I am still suspended, pending termination, for drug abuse.- Anonymous

Ok, so one of my best friends was working at the local supermarket and I went there to get some things for another friends surprise party. I went to my friend's register and was talking to her about the party plans when this sketchy guy comes up to us and gives my friend a letter. He had terrible handwriting and we thought it said "I have a son," so my friend told him to wait until we were finished. It turns out the letter really said "I have a GUN," but we only figured it out after he got frustrated and left and the cops caught him holding up a convenience store half an hour later.- Jenny

For the two guys who work at Costco and had dirty diaper experiences: I used to work at an ice cream shop and we had two trashcans, one on either side of the door. One time a lady tries to had me a dirty diaper OVERTHECOUNTER to throw away. I politely directed her to the trashcans by the door (not even five feet away from the counter) and continue serving customers. She spends the next ten minutes complaining the the people she's with about what an awful employee I am and "goddammit, how hard is it to just throw it away?" She ends up leaving the diaper on a table. Gross...- Anonymous