Are women who get abortions good people?

After working with thousands of women coming in for abortions they have observed that good women, the majority of them women of faith, have abortions. They say to women, “You are a good woman. It may be hard for you to believe that right now, but deep in your heart you know you are making your decision out of a place of goodness. This pregnancy and whatever choice you make about it doesn’t change that. For some women abortion is a clear, certain decision. For others is can be really hard. For most women, it is somewhere in between.”

They encourage women to honor themselves and work to eschew the judgements of others. They remind women that the anti-abortion protesters don’t know them and what is in their heads and hearts. They also ask:

“Can it be that women know something very deep inside, even deeper than fear and shame? Can it be that women know it is their responsibility to decide when to bring new life into this world? Women are not the enemies of our children- even those we decide not to bring into the world.”

In a way, I agree with her.

I believe that most women who have abortions are good women. They’re good women who are scared, alone, intimidated, and misinformed. They’re good women who think they have no other choice. They’re good women who are lied to by the abortion industry. They’re good women who think that their parents will kick them out or that their partners will leave them. They’re good women who are told that their futures, their lives will be ruined if they have a baby.

I’m a pro-lifer. But I don’t hate women who have abortions, and I don’t think they’re evil. I understand how frightened and alone and confused they are. And the truth is that over time, many of these women feel guilt and regret. They struggle with depression, and they grieve for their babies. The fact that many of these women suffer so much afterwards, feeling guilt and shame and remorse, shows that they are good women. These are good women who made a mistake. They still deserve our compassion and our understanding.

Far worse are the people who push for abortions, who aren’t satisfied for abortion to just be legal. They love abortion. They don’t want women to have the choice to keep their babies – they want abortion to be widespread and common. There are the members of the abortion industry, who lie to and manipulate women to continue profiting off their bloodlust. There are the leaders of Planned Parenthood, who want women to believe that abortion is their only hope – who tell women that their futures depend on the ability to kill their children.

Now, many of these women — the ardent pro-abortion activists — have abortions themselves, usually multiple abortions. But these aren’t your average women who find themselves getting an abortion. The average woman who gets an abortion, is young and unmarried. She’s certainly not an abortion advocate cheering on Planned Parenthood and claiming abortion is women’s last hope.

Put yourself in her shoes: you’re 22 years old, you’ve got a boyfriend but you aren’t married, and you’re just starting your career. You find out you’re pregnant, and you think you can’t have the baby. Your boyfriend is pressuring you to have an abortion, you’re worried about losing your job, you can’t afford a child, you don’t want to disappoint your parents. You go somewhere — say, Planned Parenthood — where all of those fears are confirmed and reiterated. They sell you on abortion. They tell you that having a baby will ruin your career and leave you broke. They tell you that abortion is safer than childbirth. They don’t talk to you about other options. They don’t talk to you about ways you could keep the baby or about adoption. And when you ask questions about the baby, such as if it’s alive or if the heart is beating, they lie. So they grip someone’s hand, they cry, and they do it. Because no one ever told them they had another choice.

If you want to know who the evil people in the abortion debate are, they aren’t the women who were sucked into having an abortion. They’re the people making women think they have no other choice… that their lives depend on taking another.

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Steve Farrell

Um, Cassy? The only people who make women in crisis think they have “no choice” are the ones like you who accuse them of wanting to kill their babies, in order to guilt them into having unwanted children. Pro-choicers don’t hang around maternity wards harassing women who are looking forward to having their babies. However, pro-lifers think nothing of congregating outside women’s clinics in order to bully and insult vulnerable women.

Talk about evil.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

There are a variety of points in your post that are highly incorrect, Steve. The first is that your idea of evil is highly warped. Then again, as you are such an avid supporter of abortion, this doesn’t completely surprise me, but to consider someone like me who only wishes that a woman not have her baby murdered in utero to be *evil* is rather odd.

Second: there is no such thing as an unwanted child. Talk to the countless couples waiting to adopt. Maybe the mother doesn’t want that child, but SOMEONE does; ergo, it’s not unwanted.

Third: pro-lifers do not accuse women of *wanting* to kill their babies. Yes, abortion is unequivocally murder. I know you have not grasped that concept yet; neither have many women who are seeking abortions. They might not know that procuring an abortion is murder, and many of them don’t *want* to do it in the first place. They may feel like it is their only option, to destroy their fetus and carry on as if nothing had happened. Pro-lifers are not trying to “guilt” these women into doing anything. Guilt has nothing to do with it. We do not harass and bully, but want to provide compassion and knowledge so they understand the magnitude of the choice they are about to make. Even if the mother does choose life, she is never made to think she has “no choice,” as you seem to think. She can raise her child herself, or she can give it up for adoption to a couple who cannot have children. Even in adoption, the most overlooked option, there are plenty of choices. If she wants nothing more to do with the child, she can send it away and never hear from it again. If she wants to be involved in its life but feels another couple can better care for it, she can arrange an open adoption, in which she can visit her child, send letters back and forth, etc.

Steve Farrell

“to consider someone like me who only wishes that a woman not have her baby murdered in utero to be *evil* is rather odd.”

As you well know, no pro-choicer wants your baby “murdered in utero.” This is just what passes for civil dialogue in pro-life fantasy world. If you want to have a baby, we all support you.

What I thought I made clear enough, considering I wrote it in plain English, is that I consider people evil who try to guilt and harass women into undergoing pregnancy and childbirth against their will.

I trust women to make family planning choices appropriate for themselves and their families. You’re too consumed with phony piety and self-righteous rhetoric to trust anyone else.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

Abortion is murder in utero, Steve. When one is pro-choice, one supports abortion as an option. One may even think it is best for a woman to have an abortion, meaning they think it is best for a woman to have her baby murdered. What the pro-choicer wants is irrelevant in this case, however, since I stated that I “wish that a woman not have her baby murdered in utero.” You even quoted me. What the pro-choicer wants for her and what actually comes to pass in the clinic may be two very different things, even if both of those things are *abortion.*

Please do not call my piety phony. I may not be the strongest Catholic in the world, but I am sincere in my efforts and pray daily to become stronger. I’m sorry if this is a foreign concept to you. Calling my devotion to the Lord phony is as about as accurate as if I were to apply the same term to your scientific illiteracy.

Steve Farrell

“Abortion is murder in utero, Steve. ”

You need to believe that, Beverly, because that makes you feel justified in calling others “baby killers” and lording your superiority over them.

Delusion is a deep, dark, well.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

I am not superior as a human being to anyone, and for the record, I’ve never called anyone a “baby killer.”

Steve Farrell

“I’ve never called anyone a “baby killer.””

Beverly, that’s all your argument consists of: repeating over and over the fact that abortion is murder and women who kill their babies and people who think it’s okay to murder children and murder murder baby killer blah blah blah.

The day you step away from the inflammatory rhetoric, you may be able to have a civil discussion and demonstrate that pro-lifers are more than hyperreligious drama queens.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

How am I a hyper-religious drama queen, Steve? In countless situations, I’ve presented you with solid science. The only time I’ve mentioned religion with you was referring offhand to my own Catholicism after you referred to my “phony piety.” I suppose another time that came close was my explanation of “judging” in a different post.

In regards to having a civil discussion, I’ve had countless civil discussions with pro-choicers, both online and in real life. I’m sorry I got short with you once, but I have been suffering from a stomach virus. I am sorry for that. Maybe you think I was being uncivil in pointing out your obvious lack of knowledge when it comes to basic biology. It was certainly not my intent. I am not trying to be rude here, only pointing out the obvious: you have a poor understanding of science; abortion is the intentional ending of the existence of a human being, and is therefore murder.

I’d also like to add that not all pro-lifers are religious. There are secular pro-life groups, too. Perhaps you would prefer to speak to a pro-life atheist. You can find the Secular Pro-Life group on Facebook.

Steve Farrell

“pointing out your obvious lack of knowledge when it comes to basic biology.”

You give yourself far too much credit, Beverly. You’ve never done any such thing. You’ve merely regurgitated pro-life dogma about murder-murder-kill-kill and accused me of scientific illiteracy. If you ever point anything out about science, be sure to let me know.

If you do not recall reading any scientific fact from me in the past week, it is because you have poor reading comprehension. Have a nice day, Steve. :)

Steve Farrell

Wow. Way to put me in my place Beverly: don’t actually discuss scientific matters or point out where I’m wrong, but rather post a link to another thread on this board, a discussion in which you posted nothing but non sequiturs and anti-choice truisms. For someone who likes to insult me about my poor reading comprehension, Beverly, you seem blissfully unaware that my final post in that thread was me *explaining* how dismally you’d failed at every step.

What was it Isaiah said? Oh yeah, I remember. “Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes and clever in their own sight.” So get off the high horse, okay?

http://www.facebook.com/hannah.mallery Hannah Mallery

And how do you substantiate that an unborn child has no more rights than a born one? If it is merely on physical dependence, then that is a moot point. You need to actually research this in depth, or no one is going to take you seriously.

Steve Farrell

You answered your own question by saying the word “unborn.” If it’s still in mommy’s tummy, she deserves to have some say in whether the process of gestation continues. It’s not mere “physical dependence,” the entire process is going on inside a woman’s body. If you don’t consider that a relevant distinction between a blastocyst and a toddler, then it seems you don’t have much respect for women.

http://www.facebook.com/hannah.mallery Hannah Mallery

Sir, you seem to forget that I am a woman, and I do respect fellow women very highly. I am not at all negating a woman’s responsibility, or making light of the ramifications of pregnancy (which, having been pregnant before, I would venture to say that I have better firsthand experience than you do). What I am saying, is that voluntarily taking the life of another human being, -no matter their stage of development or what you prefer to call them- is murder.

Steve Farrell

And you have every right to follow your conscience in this matter, Hannah. Both times my wife was pregnant, we were eager to have a baby. So now I have two teenaged kids.

What you don’t have the right to do is demand that others live according to your morals. There’s a legitimate gray area where a fetus can’t be considered a “person” in the same way that either of my live children are. You enjoy accusing people of murder for not making the same family planning choices you do, but you have to realize that the mother’s body makes the gestating fetus a very different form of life from any other.

http://www.facebook.com/hannah.mallery Hannah Mallery

If that gray area you are referring is being immensely physically dependent and not being in possession of a birth certificate, then, no, that isn’t legitimate.

http://www.facebook.com/hannah.mallery Hannah Mallery

Steve, please find some photographic documentation and sound biological information. To say an unborn child is a person is not deluded. You assert your claim without doing the footwork to find out what kind of a life we are talking about here.

DeanArthurson

Women go to abortion clinics because they do, indeed, want to kill the babies.

Nickyd

Women that get abortions are nasty sluts!

Mickey

I appreciate you showing your true colors and honesty!

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

Not true, Nickyd. Many women who get abortions are young and pressured into a horrible decision by a boyfriend or her family. Yes, some women conceive because they’re careless and promiscuous, and they have an abortion (or multiple abortions) because becoming pregnant would “cramp their style,” which is downright tragic, if you ask me. Name-calling and hatred aren’t going to help anyone here. How can we help women to love the lives growing inside them if we can’t show them any love to begin with?

http://twitter.com/ProLifeTweeter ProLifeTweeter

Nickyd is probably a pro-abortion troll trying to demonize pro-lifers as misogynists.

Basset_Hound

There’s several Tweeter. They invade these discussion threads like cockroaches.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

S/he can troll all s/he likes, but will only be disappointed by my responses. ;)

DeanArthurson

Are you being caring towards the boyfriends – whom you’ve never met and don’t know the character of – by stereotyping them as likely to have “pressured [the woman] into a horrible decision”?

At what point are women considered responsible for their own actions, including signing a contract to have a baby aborted?

If you don’t consider women who sign legal abortion documents at a Planned Parenthood clinic to be morally culpable for their own actions, how could you simultaneously claim that the same women are responsible enough to sign a business contract in their day to day lives?

Melissa

I feel the same. I’ve known a few feiends who have has abortions years ago and to this day they grieve for their babies. I found myself in a similar situation almost seven years to the day. I loved the “man” I had been seeing on/off again for four years. I had just started a new job in DC, was going to move closer to the city, and was scared to death to tell him and of the unknown. I told him and he wasn’t happy. Ironically I worked down the street from a planned parenthood I saw each day I walked to work and I would get uncomfortable to the point I would walk another way. He preferred me to have an abortion. I didn’t. Today I have been blessed with a handsome and smart six year old boy whom I’m putting through catholic school, I just bought my first place this past summer and love my job which sustains us. The “father” has never met his son and I unfortunately learned that he was living a

Melissa

My son’s father was living a sort of double life that I found out by chance when he was seven months old. Is it tough being a single parent? Sure. But being a parent is and I wouldn’t give up my son for the world. There are no accidents with children. That’s just my opinion.

peach

I feel like you created a lot of straw men in this article (You can thank Calvin for teaching me that term). Scared and clueless women, evil doctors and nurses, crazy multiple abortion having pro-choicers.

I know a lot of women who are pro-choice yet have never had an abortion. Myself included.
“The average woman who gets an abortion, is young and unmarried. She’s certainly not an abortion advocate cheering on Planned Parenthood and claiming abortion is women’s last
hope.” Where are getting this idea from? I recall reading an article on this site that said the only demographic in which pro-choice values is increasing is among young, educated people. And the majority of feminist blogs I see are run by young, unmarried women.

Also, SOME women feel regret after an abortion.SOME women will become depressed. Many will be fine and happy. You really don’t give women a lot of credit. Based on this article, you view women like baby deers. Unstable and confused and frightened. Give us more credit.

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

I don’t get your point about the young, unmarried women, Peach. There are a LOT of young, unmarried women out there. We’re not all the same. Maybe the average woman who procures an abortion is young, unmarried, and isn’t a Planned Parenthood cheerleader. I see nothing strange about that. There are enough young, unmarried women in the world to allow for at least some to run feminist blogs touting the unparalleled joys that frequenting a Planned Parenthood can bring.

Sorry, but I find your second paragraph pretty incoherent. Could you please clarify? Thanks. :)

peach

I don’t disagree with you. But Cassy said the young unmarried woman is “certainly not” an abortion advocate and I don’t know how she came to that conclusion. Cassy made a lot of extremely generalized assumptions in this article. I’m sure there are many women who get abortions and also support Planned Parenthood and the pro-choice side in some capacity. They may not be “cheerleaders” but I bet they’re pro-choice. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone argue that abortion is woman’s last hope.

Does that make it more coherent for you? :)

http://www.facebook.com/beverly.harlton Beverly Harlton

Yes, it does. Thanks, Peach. :)

ProTruth2

Put yourself in her shoes: you’re 22 years old, you’ve got a boyfriend but you aren’t married, and you’re just starting your career. You find out you’re pregnant, and you think you can’t have the baby…They don’t talk to you about other options. They don’t talk to you about ways you could keep the baby or about adoption.

The only way that someone could be 22 years old and “just starting her career” is if she is a college graduate. Could you explain to me how it is possible for someone who has not been raised in utter seclusion to reach the age of twenty-two without ever hearing of adoption? Or to graduate from college with the skills necessary to find and successfully apply for a job but not the ability to conduct basic research on matters of her own health and future? Because that’s just not something we see north of the Mason-Dixon line.

Incidentally, the one abortion statistic that pro-lifers avoid talking about at all costs is that the majority of women who have abortions already have a child. So, they actually know what effect having children will have on their careers and their lives.

Mickey

I have seen pro choicers denying the fact that the vast majority of women who get abortions already have children because they “can’t believe it” or that it’s just an evil statistic from the Guttmacher institute so that it can’t possibly be true.

fergalf

I don’t think so! In the UK the average for a woman to get an abortion is 20. that is far too younger too expect they would already have children. In the US its older but still only 24-25. The women who get abortions are predominantly young, poor, unmarried and vulnerable. No wonder they become victims of the abortion industry.

http://www.facebook.com/keith.shedron Keith Shedron

A relevant re-phrasing of the question asked in the article title: “Are Women Who Deliberately Kill Innocent Children Good People?”

Steve Farrell

“relevant”
You spelled “psychotic” wrong.

http://www.facebook.com/keith.shedron Keith Shedron

Troll: Only “wrong” for those who are able to justify murdering unborn children.

Steve Farrell

Keith, do you really think you’re facilitating dialogue and understanding by accusing women of murder? Is this the best way to inspire respect for your beliefs? Or is it just done to impress people who already agree with you and intimidate the people who don’t?

http://www.facebook.com/keith.shedron Keith Shedron

I was attempting to address what I found to be a deficiency in the article, not “facilitate dialogue” with people that support the killing of innocent unborn children. Your term “murder” involves an unlawful action. But abortion is not unlawful in our country. However, abortion does involve killing innocent human beings. I will call a thing what it is: Women that have abortions are killing innocent human beings, the very act that pro-aborts are advocates for. Ah, and that “psychotic” quip… didn’t do much for establishing “dialogue”, but then, I suspect that was not your intent.

Steve Farrell

I wasn’t calling anyone a psychotic, I was just pointing out that your rephrasing of the title of the article qualified as just the sort of bullying and intimidation that the author of the article was supposedly trying to avoid. I’ve come to expect very little moderate, reasonable dialogue about this issue. Shouldn’t we be engaging in any?

http://www.facebook.com/keith.shedron Keith Shedron

“I wasn’t calling anyone a psychotic,…” That is a bit of a red-herring as no such claim was made. The rephrasing provided some illumination that the original title lacked. Abortion does involve the killing of innocent children. Your objection to my rephrasing demonstrates the need for such.

Steve Farrell

So, Keith, I noticed you ignored my request for civil dialogue. Can I assume you think we don’t need it, or I just don’t deserve it?

DeanArthurson

When a woman murders a baby by getting an abortion, she is in fact a murderer.

There is no need to soft-sell that.

DeanArthurson

A woman who murders a baby is not a good person because murdering a baby is the act of a bad person.

Anna

Everyone is entitled to their own personal opinion on abortion. However, as a pro-choice woman, I SERIOUSLY resent the idea that being pro-choice = coercing any pregnant woman into having the procedure. My point here is that every woman’s situation is different. For example, I have a friend who was pro-life but decided to have an abortion for personal reasons. It wasn’t an easy choice for her to make, but she does NOT live with regret. So, you definitely cannot assume that every woman who has had an abortion struggles with guilt. Or, that they were manipulated into the procedure. Also, Planned Parenthood provides WAY more than just abortion services. So your categorization of them is not accurate.

Also, what your article did not point out is that women who have had abortions do not necessarily have a safe place to speak out about their experience without judgment. In other words, they deal with being stigmatized for their choice even if it was for health reasons.

Personally, I do wish that the pro-life side would talk more about access to and correct use of contraception. I’d rather that then see women harassed in front of clinics.