Intro for October 9, 2013

Jon Stewart did a great bit last night on The Daily Show when he said we needed a break from all the sh-tty stories in the news lately so he pulled out his Wheel of Happy Stories and took it for a spin. One of the options: Full Frontal Clooney. Which is pretty much how I went to bed last night – laughing about George Clooney’s fake giant penis. Click here to see. But then I woke up this morning and saw all those pandas over at PEOPLE.com and now I’m thinking pandas should always be on a wheel of happiness. Pandas have the cutest asses.

It was a Friday when the baby panda was born in Washington at the National Zoo in August. That night, I went down a panda hole on YouTube and didn’t come out for 3 hours. There’s the classic panda sneeze, you remember?

Pandas on a slide? Come on. Nothing is bad in the world when pandas are going down a slide.

Pandas…or Full Frontal Clooney?

On the opposite side of the spectrum, there’s the crazy video of the girl in Hong Kong slapping her boyfriend around (while checking her watch periodically like publicly humiliating her lover is only occupying half of her attention) as he’s kneeling in front of her, begging her to believe him that he didn’t cheat on her. The video exploded online this week in English-speaking parts of the world, obviously totally insane and super disturbing, but I wish more of you could understand what people are saying in the background. First of all, there’s the play-by-play from the guys who are shooting the video. It’s like they’re watching a football game. Then, towards the end of the incident, there’s a woman off to the side who tries to stop the situation, urging the dude to get up. Her rationale:

“Why are you letting her do this? She’s dumb and she’s ugly.”

!!!!!!!!!!

How much f-cked up sh-t can happen in one video? About as much cuteness as can happen in a panda video.

Yours in gossip,

Lainey

Sponsored PS: As mentioned a couple of weeks ago, The Preachers of LA debuts tonight on Oxygen at 10/9 Central. Check listings.