Since When Does ‘Breaking the Silence’ Mean Keeping Your Mouth Shut?

Dr. Phil has dedicated the ninth season of his talk show to breaking the silence of domestic violence. How noble. We have all heard the famous tag line “I want you to get real about your life.” Well, Dr. Phil, when are you going to get real?

On January 10, 2011 an episode of the Dr. Phil show aired entitled “I Am Afraid of my Husband.” A husband and wife were featured who both admitted to abusive behaviors toward each other. The husband admitted to behaviors that included kicking his wife in the stomach, and, while she was pregnant, restraining her and pinning her down to the floor. She also admitted to slapping, kicking, spitting on her husband, calling him names, breaking his laptop twice, and destroying other house hold furniture.

Now, we (women) are taught our entire life by social workers, teachers, clergy, public service announcements and the like that if men exhibit these behaviors toward us they are unacceptable and that no one should have to live with these behaviors in their life. They are correct. No one should be abused in any way shape or form. It does not take a degree in psychology or a rocket scientist to see that the above behaviors are unacceptable. The problem with the Dr. Phil lies in this simple question, “What are we teaching people about abusive behaviors, and what message are we sending them about men’s value and worth in society, and in their families?”

The husband in this case tried to explain to Dr. Phil that his wife is not the innocent victim she claims to be. That she is just as responsible for attacking him and that in certain situations he had acted in self-defense; that in other cases she had him running down stairs and going in a closet, holding the closet door shut with his feet to get away from her. He also stated that she provoked some of his behaviors with her disrespectful attitude.

Of course a disrespectful attitude, while a force to be reckoned with, is no excuse for abusing someone. It is a good reason to leave the relationship perhaps, but not to abuse. When we resort to violence we have lost all logic and reasoning capabilities. We are not animals. We are supposed to have a higher level of rationality than that.

Self-defense is a reasonable case if you are protecting yourself from abusive behavior. He was portrayed by Dr. Phil as a control freak because he used the words, “She disrespects my authority,” as if Dr. Phil believes a man has no authority over his children or over certain aspects in his home. This couple does have children, and the “controlling” behaviors the wife was trying to address were the husband deciding when or what the children should eat and when they go to the park; as if fathers have no right to make a call on such things.

And how were this man’s concerns addressed?

At one point in this episode, Dr. Phil had both partners stand up. He then pointed out how much bigger the husband was than his wife. Dr. Phil then drove the point home to this man and to America that this imbalance in size led to an imbalance of power in the relationship. Dr. Phil has made this point on his show many times before. Since the man supposedly has more power, it is his responsibility to never react with violence and also his responsibility to stop said violence even if just by walking away and leaving.

This is basically saying that men are responsible for the violence directed toward them in their relationships, and that they are also the ones responsible for stopping it, but they are absolutely in no circumstance allowed to defend themselves.

Men’s concerns about their partner’s behaviors are invalidated, belittled, and simply ignored, or else they are made responsible for it. Not to mention the men who have been told that since they are the stronger ones both physically and emotionally they need to ‘suck it up, and take it like a man’ or find a way out of it themselves with no help. Is it at all possible to make our men feel any less valuable to our society? I want to scream it from the roof tops, “America, what is wrong with us? Why can’t we see that this is a huge injustice?”

Dr. Phil was not shy about calling this man’s behaviors abusive, while at the same time, with kid gloves on, labeled the wife’s behavior as a “relationship issue.”

How embarrassing. How belittling. Not only for men who are completely invalidated as to their concerns, but for women as well. Men are taught that they are perpetrators even if they are victims, while women are treated like children who are too weak to be held accountable for their actions.

In fact, we cannot even say they are being treated like children because we hold children to a higher standard of accountability than we do grown women.

What child does not get into some kind of trouble for hitting another child? Yet we make excuses for women and label them a victim even while they are committing the crime.

This is all about equality correct? Common sense should tell us that a gun, or knife, or a partner waiting until you fall asleep to attack, or poisoning your food, or hiring someone to make a hit on you more than makes up for any size discrepancy that may exist between partners.

We know from testimonies of men who have been abused that there are women who are not afraid to go after a man much bigger than they are. Some women have no fear of men, and why would they? They hear Dr. Phil tell them that a man is never to hit them under any circumstance. They watch police officers arrest their husbands after the husband called the police to stop his wife’s violent behavior.

Women are getting the message loud and clear that protect and serve does not apply if you have a penis. Women know that they can just say, “If you go to the police I will bring false charges against you”, and they know it’s all over for their husband if they do.

We also know that men who divorce their abusive wives, even if the wife pleads guilty to battery or is convicted, will still more than likely lose custody of his children to his wife at the whim of a divorce court judge thereby giving more power to the abuser and further dehumanizing the abused.

Not to mention the continued suffering of children in such situations.

Murray Straus, a co-director of the University of New Hampshire Family Research Laboratory, had been at the center of controversy in regards to a conflict survey where he found that women initiate violence in relationships as often as men. He says the difference between his findings and others is due to the fact that other studies focus on crime reports, which are filed mostly by women.

According to a 1998 US DoJ report, every year in the United States of America, 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate. That means that every 37.8 seconds in America a man is battered. Of the 834,732 men who are battered, 90,241 men will be knifed, 180,483 threatened by a knife, 360,965 hit with an object, 67,681 beaten up and 620,049 slapped or hit. And those numbers were revealed in a survey conducted about violence – against women.

You will never hear these statistics on the Dr. Phil show. In fact, they can be difficult to find anywhere because they are ignored under pressure by feminist groups. In fact, a report released on Jan 18, 2011 by SAVE (Stop Abusive and Violent Environments) shows us that 90% of federally funded domestic violence education programs lack accuracy. At most only one in ten domestic violence training, education, and public awareness materials are accurate.

So we can see who really suffers from silence where domestic violence is concerned. It is not women. There were 1,500 domestic violence shelters for women in America in 1996 alone. Federal funds for female victims of domestic violence in 2008 were appropriated at 125 million dollars. There are no domestic violence shelters specifically for men in the United States. In fact, some domestic violence shelters have a policy that if a woman comes to them fleeing her environment and has a son that has reached a certain age, her son is not allowed to stay there with her.

Is that not sexism of the worst kind?

They shoot themselves in the foot, not to mention the most vulnerable victims, with such policies. If a woman is truly abused and needs shelter but must leave her son behind where does she go? And why are older boys not the concern of women’s groups? There are no federal funds appropriated for male victims to be able to form their own advocacy groups or their own shelters.

I am not saying that women are not victims of domestic violence. I am not saying that women are the only ones at fault. I am not saying that men do not abuse women. I am not saying that women should not have the help fleeing these situations that they do have. Before you think that I do not understand the plight of a woman in a violent relationship I will tell you that I do. I have been in a violent relationship myself, and I am grateful for the assistance I had to get out of that situation. I had that help because I am female. I cannot and will not sit by silent while men go through the same things I did, but also suffer in true silence and are ignored. My heart goes out to them.

Dr. Phil and the rest of America need to get real when it comes to male victims of domestic violence. They also need to get real about the fact that women are perpetrators.

Dr Phil, even the women on your message boards are saying you blew it for this husband and wife who is “afraid of her husband.” Women who have not swallowed your poison do not want to continue to see our fathers, husbands, brothers, sons, uncles or friends suffer in silence any longer. We do not want to have to see our men have nowhere to turn when they need help. We do not want to see women treated as children when they are adults.

It is insulting.

We want them held accountable for their actions and we want them to truly have the opportunity to do the hard work and change their behavior. You of all people should know that this type of change does not come from excusing the behavior.

You portrayed yourself in the beginning of your public career as a tough guy who isn’t afraid to say it like it is. I admired that about you when I first watched you on Oprah nine years ago, when I still watched Oprah. I have seen you give very good advice before. You have helped me potty train my children, and have given me some fairly good advice in other parenting issues. You even helped me overcome my fear of the dark. I suspect that personally you are probably not a bad guy. Yet you seriously miss the mark when it comes to domestic violence victims.

I suspect it has something to do with the fact that the one thing that makes this world go around is the almighty dollar. You and I both know you have a target audience. This audience has a childish, knight in shining armor mentality when it comes to men; that or they just think men are inferior to women.

Either way, if you put enough alleged scumbags on your show, you can cash in on beating them up verbally. It’s sad to see you have become a sellout. Perhaps you always were. I once had respect for you. But now that I am educated about the problem of domestic violence it leaves me forced to believe you are a common mangina who furthers the entitlement of women over men.

Since when were you afraid to speak up Dr. Phil? Since when did “Breaking the Silence” on an issue mean that you remain silent about half the people that suffer from it?

*If you are a man who is being abused, visit this site for advice on what steps to take, visit here.

This is an early call for manuscripts. AVFM Education, LLC is opening a publishing house in the near future. Zeta Press (under construction) will house a wide range of literature addressing issues faced by men and boys. It will include literature not acceptable for mainstream sensibilities, which means it is the stuff you want to read. It will also host an array of other interesting nonfiction and fiction offerings.

Simply put, we want to build the red pill library from hell.

We have agreed to contract with a highly experienced editing team and will provide cover art graphics for those who desire it.

Our contract with authors will be very competitive. We will provide you with extras like an editing progress account (RT) that allows you ongoing communication during the editing process and automated...

There was a time, long ago, when feminism was a movement for equality. A time when women like Jessica Wilcox could aspire to a leadership role in an egalitarian struggle for fairness.

Today, people like Wilcox are reviled by those women and men who have hijacked the title of feminism. At first, these individuals abandoned fairness for privilege. More recently, they abandoned privilege also, and are now motivated only to spread hate. The only overriding concern of feminism now is the dehumanization and denigration of men. Even this is not fully accurate, as the target of hate is shifting from grown men to children, and most recently to infants.

Jessica Wilcox, I am sorry to say that in this war, if you preach equality you will be seen as the enemy.

thehermit

“There was a time, long ago, when feminism was a movement for equality.”

Yep, there still are some people out there who believe there was a time. Not me.

Ben

It was about female privalege since day one. Feminists have always wanted equality when it suited them best, and preferential treatment at all other times.

Greg

There were a few things that deserved to be rectified.

eg. giving women the vote, blatant pay discrimination where men were paid twice as much as women as an open policy, not allowing women to attend most universities

Of course, feminists have reached far beyond equality to enact punitive policies against men. Simultaneously they haven’t been willing to give up historical female privileges.

http://www.mensrightsboard.blogspot.com/ MasculistMan

Greg, you’ve bought into the feminist lie. Women were allowed to go onto higher learning for a long time and women have been paid the same as men since 1963,long before any women’s studies crap came along.

Greg

I was talking about stuff in the early 20th century (say 1920). I think any serious issue was dealt with well before the 60s.

I think that at that time (1920) men and women were accorded different opportunities, responsibilities and privileges. I’m not sure that either sex had a better deal – but there were differences.

I believe that people should be given as much freedom as possible to live their lives as they see fit. So I think that opening up certain opportunities for women was a good thing (being allowed to vote, attend top schools).

What I lament are all the policies favoring women (eg. no conscription, unequal parental rights, unfair domestic violence application, unfair criminal sentencing). While any advantages for men have been removed.

Discriminatory laws should have all been changed at once – whether they favored men or women. So, when the right to vote was given, the possibility of female conscription should have been there. When women were allowed into top schools, the criminal sentencing provisions should have been changed to ensure fair and consistent sentencing regardless of gender.

http://www.mensrightsboard.blogspot.com/ MasculistMan

Yes I favor a draft for females too. Why should men do all the dangerous work? Not in this day and time.
Also agreed with unequal parental rights, unfair domestic violence application and unfair criminal sentencing.

However feminism all together is 180 years old and women have power men don’t and that is how they get out of conscription and leave the dying to men.

Fizzy

HAHAHAHAHA I’m in favor of fairness too, but how about we not draft anybody!!

Sorry Jessica, I’m afraid the concept of ‘Feminism for equality’ has already long
since seen its day.

That type of Feminism has already had its chance.

Preaching ‘equality’ in modern times given all of the evil the Feminists have
already wrought by their own hand is ultimately futile, pointless and frankly
too little, too late.

http://mgtowforums.com dontmarry

Feminism was never about equality.

Gender equality was the noble-sounding excuse, oppressing all men and making them docile beasts of burden was the true objective.

When anyone mentions gender equality in earnest, or makes appeals for ‘moderate feminism’, or laments how feminism has been hijacked by (insert group to blame) and thus strayed away from its original ideals…

…beware of that person. He, or she, is our enemy.

Take for example, the gender wage gap myth. Feminists and equality proponents [i]LOVE[/i] to point to it as proof that a glass ceiling exists for women and we evil patriarchs are keeping them down.

Never mind that the gender wage gap has been debunked countless times, like here:

There is zero truth in feminism. Consequently, there should be zero tolerance for feminism and its proponents. You shall make no exceptions.

AntZ

A strong advocacy group which is a proponent of women’s issues balanced by a strong advocacy group which is a proponent of men’s issues is the best type of managed solution that can be hoped for.

The alternative “traditionalist” view is only to be found on the other side of complete social collapse and re-building.

While either solution works for me, I am more than happy to work towards a two-lobby balance, simply because complete social collapse is a heavy price to pay for principle.

Most of what we want can be accomplished by reducing the power of feminism and increasing the power of men’s rights, until a balance is reached.

When feminists have to sit at the bargaining table and choose to either pay a large political price for privilege or a small political price for equality, real equality will prevail. Equality before the law, and equality of opportunity.

It is hard for me to imagine that there are many male hearts filled with more anti-feminist hostility than mine. However, reality is what it is. The enemy will not go away. I look forward to a day when men’s advocates can sit as equals at a a table with women’s advocates, and work out deals. The first thing to go will be the flagrant denigration/dehumanization campaign currently being waged by the enemy. Family courts and reproductive rights would come next. When those issues were resolved, there would be a lot more good will to work on less pressing issues.

http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

When anyone mentions gender equality in earnest, or makes appeals for ‘moderate feminism’, or laments how feminism has been hijacked by (insert group to blame) and thus strayed away from its original ideals…

…beware of that person. He, or she, is our enemy.

Then I must be the enemy, of sorts.

Honestly, with respect to the commenters on this forum, being bogged down in such trivialized minutia is pointless and counter productive.

OK, so we all know that feminism isn’t about equality. No brainer.

Was there ever any feminists that were just interested in equality? Let’s try Warren Farrell, Christina Hoff Sommers, or me, if you prefer. I was a feminist supporter that was interested in equality.

And while I am all for spirited debate on whether there ever was any good intent in feminism, if that one line is the only thing you took from that article, then you have just thrown the baby out and started drinking the bathwater.

thehermit

“Was there ever any feminists that were just interested in equality? Let’s try Warren Farrell, Christina Hoff Sommers, or me, if you prefer. I was a feminist supporter that was interested in equality.”

These persons including you, never wrote books about feminist ideology as Mary Daly, Dworkin, or Simone de Beauvoir did. So i consider them to be followers…of a false ideology and phylosophy. it is hard to resist when it comes from every direction, served as the HOLY TRUTH.

But honestly, i don’t think equality exists, at least not in a way feminists think.
To point a finger to the men on top of the society, while ignore the ones on the bottom… come on. Makes no sense.

http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

I can’t disagree with you, and I think actual equality between anything so complicated and vacillating as human beings is quite impossible.

But I also don’t like getting trapped by minutia. The impossibility of true equality, or lack of that possibility, aside. Most MRA’s I know do believe in justice and in, as close as we can get to it, equal treatment under the law.

I don’t want that belief to get swallowed up in an algebraic analysis of “equality” to the point that any mention of the word means summary dismissal.

If we really approach it with that sort of myopia, then we might as well tell fathers looking for shared custody to hang it up. No such thing as equal, right?

thehermit

Ok, agreed.
I just wanted to say that cherry picking the injustices what women suffer from, ignoring the rest, that’s NOT about equality.
Society has to be seen as a complex.

AntZ

Every problem you describe is a predictable consequence when a one-sided advocacy group lobbies unopposed for 30 years, at the expense of another group that lacks a lobby.

Feminism when wacky because they operated for 30 years in a vacuum of ideas, where the only people allowed to speak were those who preached the gospel.

Who knows what feminism will become when it is balanced by a strong, influential men.s rights movement.

The cynical part of my mind appreciates that the longer feminism remains run by lunatic man-haters, the better. An advocacy group that becomes overrun with crazies is going to be much less effective at promoting its constituency than an advocacy group that works with diligence and professionalism.

John A

Surely feminism is not a concrete thing. To say that because person X identifies with feminism and therefore they must follow feminism to the letter of ‘the definition’ does not make sense. Most people who say they support feminism have not thought the issues through at all. They follow some vague notion of how women deserve equality or think that it is really terrible that so many women get raped and bashed. When the MRM movement attacks feminism, to the average person it is perceived as an attack on equality and on women, not an attack on the Gender Studies Departments at universities. If MRAs struggle with what is meant by feminism, then what hope has Joe and Jane average got?

Rather than debate what feminism means, we should debate what equality means. Women have won equality of opportunity, we need to demand equality of accountability and equality of obligation. Further, men need equality of worth and an end to male disposability.

Domestic violence and rape laws are designed to redress a perceived power imbalance that does not exist, they are unfair andunequal. Our struggle is about unfairness and inequality, what we are proposing is more fairness and real equality, attacking feminism and individuals allows them to take the heat away from the real issues. So a debate about domestic violence becomes a debate on feminism or a debate on Dr. Phil and everyone goes away without the real issues being properly debated.

Rather than saying we want to undo no-fault divorce, we should be campaigning for fairer property settlements and fairer child custody arrangements. The best interests of the mother are not necessarily the best interests of the child. Going back is not going forward. We can’t say the past was harder on men and then say we want to go back there.

Equality is good, inequality is bad. The debate is not about whether women should have equality, it is about what equality means in day-to-day life.

The more we attack feminism the more people will defend it. We need a more sophisticated approach than simply attacking feminism. After all, feminism is not our only enemy. This fixation with feminism gives them attention they don’t deserve and detract from the positives that men’s rights offer.

I don’t have time right now to give this post the attention it deserves, but in conclusion, men’s rights is a positive issue that will benefit men and women alike and we should be more focussed on the positive and less focussed on feminism.

http://truthjusticeca.wordpress.com/ Denis

Great comment John, but feminism is a concrete thing and they are well funded and represented in academia producing junk science.

Feminism isn’t the only enemy of men’s equality, so is traditional chivalry and feminine privilege.

I do find that concentrating on feminism often distracts from the big picture, but feminism is still part of the problem and needs to be addressed.

The Zeta Male

“I suspect it has something to do with the fact that the one thing that makes this world go around is the almighty dollar. You and I both know you have a target audience. This audience has a childish, knight in shining armor mentality when it comes to men; that or they just think men are inferior to women.”

There it is, a target audience!! It’s no wonder men are opting out of this bullshit!! Said it before and it bears repeating, Dr. Phil is a cunt.

Peter Charnley

@Jessica Wilcox.
“……while women are treated like children who are too weak to be held accountable for their actions.
In fact, we cannot even say they are being treated like children because we hold children to a higher standard of accountability that we do grown women.”

This underlines what I have frequently said about radical feminism.

In the short term it is open misandry. But its profound and deeper message, and the long term consequences that are likely for many aspects of future evaluation of men and women in western societies, ironically exposes feminism as being a particularly virulent form of misogyny.

Radical feminism is effectively a coded declaration, and the psychological release, of a massive inferiority complex that exists in the inner being of the majority of those women who subscribe to it. And many of the men who encourage and support radical feminism are actually delivering, unconsciously, a veiled and coded declaration of their own – a sense of pity and contempt felt towards the human female.

Keyster

Yep.
I’m what a feminist looks like.

Keyster

When he first started out he didn’t have as much to lose.
Now the stakes are MUCH higher and he has to be careful to stay within the safe boundries of the popular narrative. The planning and production of the show is carefully thought out and constructed to meet with his audience’s (and sponsors) approval. They call this “selling out”.

He went from a little 4 bedroom home in Dallas, to a well appointed mansion in Beverly Hills. From a Ford Taurus to a Bentley. It’s Dr. Phils new version of “getting real”.

Kimski

“Getting real estate..”

http://avoiceformen.com Paul Elam

LOL! TOUCHE”!!!

http://Avoiceformen Patrick

Even though Dr Phil is a Mangina, he is not completely useless to the MRM. He has done a couple of shows about Reproductive choice for men during the Dubay case a couple of years ago. I would not label him a supporter of C4M, but at least he approached the issue with a neutral curiosity.

Ben

If the MRM ever gets big enough, Dr. Phil might switch over. He will go where the money is!

http://www.shrink4men.com Dr Tara J. Palmatier

“The husband admitted to behaviors that included kicking his wife in the stomach, and, while she was pregnant…”

Actually, the man denied this occurred.

jessica

Correct, He denied one incident, yet the incident I was referring to in the article he admitted to… The transcript from the Dr Phil website says this:

He (Dr Phil) asks Lawrence about an incident Sonya said happened while she was pregnant. She says he twisted her arm and forced her to the floor.

“If she said I did, I guess I did,” Lawrence says.

“That’s a cop out,” Dr. Phil says. “You either did or you didn’t.”

Lawrence admits that it’s probably true.

He did say that a lot of what she was bringing forth was fabricated and he denied it. There was an incident of kicking her in the stomach that he did deny, which is also included on the Dr Phil.com website on the shows archive.

Not only for men who are completely invalidated as to their concerns, but for women as well. Men are taught that they are perpetrators even if they are victims, while women are treated like children who are too weak to be held accountable for their actions.

How refreshing to see a woman who understands how present-day mentality is detrimental to women. Very well written.

Stu

My prediction for Dr Phil’s future is that he will wind up divorced and his wife will probably write a book about what a monster he is. This will happen after his popularity has waned and his show has been axed. That will probably be because other shows with younger, better looking, bigger manginas start to edge him out of the market. The other possibility is that he will dump his aging, plastic surgery ridden bitch for a gold digging bimbo. It won’t be long then before the new bitch kicks him to the curb and appears on Oprah with her tell all about how he frequently bashes her and keeps her tied up the closet for days at a time.

It’s just gotta happen, it has too…..please.

Stu

So she only gives a shit about situations if they are detrimental to women ?

Stu

I’ve started to be very skeptical about Dr Phils show and other similiar shows. Think about it. If you were a guy who had been having trouble with your relationship, why the hell would you agree to go on that show.

I remember that Jerry springer show. It was reasonably believable when it first started I think. But it just got worse and worse as it’s audience got used to the horrific and rediculous stories and required bigger and bigger maniacs and madmen to live up to to expectations. One guy on that show got found out having about 2000 girlfriends and of course he used to bash them all. He didnj’t work, drunk like a fish, used drugs, and when he was asked why he treated his main girlfriend so crappy he just come out with “she don’t keep the money coming in fast enough” LOL

Then there was one episode where this guy who was a major abuser and the worste man ever to walk the earth, and he had drove a front end loader through his girlfriends house LOL. Now no matter how stupid you are, you aren’t coming on a TV show to try and justify those actions and get sympathy.

There just aren’t enough people that would be on your side. Apart from me that is

Jimmy

The women probably go on the shows for the attention and sympathy and for the ego boost of the presenter/audience siding with her.

As for the “bad” guys, I think it could be the woman that gave him an ultimatum to go on the show, or maybe he just likes the negative attention.

Yeah, the makers always seem to be looking for extreme cases. It’s better for ratings because more extreme cases are more “entertaining” and enable greater man-bashing.
(Aside: women in general seem to be really, really fascinated by abusive relationships, don’t they?)

The presenter gets to make him/herself look intelligent, caring and; ultimately, superior; by playing whatever persona they have created for the show.

As Jessica said, it’s mostly about the money.
I don’t think actually helping the relationship comes into it much at all.

Promoman

The Good “Doctor’s” latest serving of bullshit ala mode proves Henry Kissinger right: “It’s not a matter of what is true that counts but a matter of what is perceived to be true.”

ProleScum

Thank you for this excellent analysis Jessica

Nergal

Bravo. This was made a thousand times more beautiful in that it comes from a woman,who is denouncing with it the attitude of entitlement and the system of coercion applied to both males and females, that currently rules the day.

Freedom is beautiful,it’s even more beautiful when shared. We men have fought for freedom since the dawn of time, together with the real “strong women” of the MRM, we may finally get it this century. Thank you,Jessica, for your voice and your courage to speak out on our behalf. Thank all of you who are working towards this goal.

ProleScum

Something that has always seemed obvious to me is that:

When person A knows that person B, in practical terms, >cannotincredibly humiliating< because, of all things, there's an irrational but unmistakeable reaction among the observers of "What a wimp".

That reaction stays with you and I can feel it in my bones now as I type. Ultimately though, the fact that I did walk away remains as the one and only good thing I can take away from those shitty situations.

Let's be careful out there

ProleScum

Something that has always seemed obvious to me is that:

When person A knows that person B, in practical terms, >cannot< retaliate to a physical attack due to the consequent penalty's certainty and severity, person A is in a position of power over person B.

Therefore, in this particular scenario, person A abuses power by attacking person B.

Of course, as soon as person B hits back the scenario changes, so I am in no way an apologist for male DV perpetrators by saying this. However, for as long as B holds back and A continues to hit, A is absolutely in the position of power and is abusing that position.

All of my own experiences indicate that this is a commonplace scenario (Example: A girl I worked with once laughingly told me how, during a drunken argument, she had gone to the kitchen, come back with a fork and stabbed it into her boyfriend's forearm deep enough that it stayed there. The boyfriend's reaction to this was to turn and walk out of the house, with the girl clinging onto his back and scratching at his face).

ProleScum

I too have been in situations where women have hit me in public (drink always involved) and I have always walked away.

But here’s the thing about walking away – it’s >incredibly humiliating< because, of all things, there's an irrational but unmistakeable reaction among the observers of "What a wimp".

That reaction stays with you and I can feel it in my bones now as I type. Ultimately though, the fact that I did walk away remains as the one and only good thing I can take away from those shitty situations.

Let's be careful out there

(Sorry, had to split this post as something went very wrong first time!)

Giselle

One question and one comment:

1) Why must we be equal? Why is this so damned important?

Men and women are NOT equal in any sense of the word. We’re not! Men are smarter, stronger, faster, and more useful than women. Im not saying women suck or that we’re big monkeys, im simply stating the fact that men are the ones who made or created everything! Many years ago i pondered that…men created everything! I considered oppression and being tied down to the home but that didnt last very long once I started reading Camille Paglia, she straightened my ass right out and informed me that it was OK to be a girl and not rule the world…to not even be capable of it. I dont know if this makes any sense but i hope it does.

The only time a woman truly creates something is on a purely biological level. And even that is done without having to think about it, It just happens!

Yes, babies are awesome and mothers are wonderful, but I couldnt live a DAY without men…i love them so much! Women can be amazing and brilliant but why is it necessary to be the same as a man? im not the same as you! If you can do something as good as a man then i say go for it, but lowering the standards for women to be cops or firefighters is retarded.

Ive seen episodes of COPS when there are 2 female officers struggling to get one man under control and he keeps fighting with them till ONE male officer shows up and slams him to the ground. Everytime I see female cop i get mad…i dont know why..its like a fucking joke!

Dont treat me like a piece of garbage because Im saying that men are smarter….admire me for being honest and love me for being happy and confident and actually ENJOYING being a woman~!

As for Dr. phil, i was watching him today and there was a therapist or something tell some young girl how she needed to get a restraining order against her boyfriend, and when explaining to her what the restraining order would actually accomplish, the therapist stated repeatedly that ” it would inform your abuser that HE cannot come near you, that HE must stay away”. Blah blah blah and everytime she spoke about the mentalities of abuse victims and abusers, the victims were always female and the abusers always male. wtf?

i know several women who have had their faces smashed in by their lovers, but I know alot more men who have been slapped punched kicked and god knows what else by chicks…and never said a word.

mideonphish

Congratulations Giselle!

You just figured out over the course of your adult life what feminists have been struggling to noodle through for the past 120 years or so.

And, your reward is something that the feminists have always denied themselves and will never know – peace of mind and simple wholesome contentment.

A feeling that allows you be yourself without the need to compete or screw over others all the time and you get to feel good about it without insecurity.

If you are genuinely content in yourself and your life, you will always get up in the morning feeling like a million dollars!

Remember, Life’s only grand when you keep it simple!

Keyster

Every now and you come across a woman who actually enjoys being a woman; a woman who doesn’t want to be a man in the office, on the job site, in the boardroom, in relationships, etc. One who doesn’t feel compelled to bust balls just because she can.
They’re like spotting a rare bird.

mideonphish

Amen to that friend!

I believe that a little encouragement for this type of woman is a good
idea since it helps them realise that they are not freaks of nature after all, even though western feminised wimmyn may very well try to force them to feel otherwise.

Giselle

i read desiderata one time and it helped me alot. Its so true and simple!

I cant fault those teachings, to a large extent they match those that I was lucky enough to be taught by my own father.

Keep true to these teachings, imbue them within your mind and you’ll stand tall whatever life throws at you.

You are definitely on the right path here.

I wish you well.

Nergal

“Women can be amazing and brilliant but why is it necessary to be the same as a man? im not the same as you! If you can do something as good as a man then i say go for it, but lowering the standards for women to be cops or firefighters is retarded.”

“.admire me for being honest and love me for being happy and confident and actually ENJOYING being a woman~!”

Sounds like you’ve got your shit together to me.

Keyster

Welcome Giselle.
All that should matter is the truth.
That’s all any one should expect.
Feminism started out as a philosophy and then became a business; a very big business, a very entrenched and protected business.
This isn’t about who’s really better than who or male domination over women or lack of opportunity to do anything. It’s about truth.

Giselle

I never said that men were better than women, I said that men are more productive and smarter. I don’t believe that anyone should dominate another, at least not against their will. I feel sorry for the women in the middle east who suffer horrible cruelty and are treated worse than animals, But this is america, and women are crazy. It’s like theyre mean and control freaks and so quick to group every male into the asshole category because one boyfriend cheated or left them when they were pregnant. My advice to women is the same as it is to men: Be kind, Be sweet and be very careful who you lay down with. Some men ARE monsters, but the vast majority of them are NOT. i love my father because he has always been loyal and devoted to his family. To think that some hateful witch would cast him aside or label him as inferior or inately violent is a very hurtful thought. xo

jessica

Wow, I couldn’t agree more. Men and women are equal in their humanity and worth as a person, but women are not on an equal level with men especially in the things you mentioned. Equal in humanity but not the same.

” The only time a woman truly creates something is on a purely biological level. And even that is done without having to think about it, It just happens! ”

Also she cannot create inside of her life without a man putting what is needed inside of her to do it !

I also love and admire men for being smarter, stronger, faster, more task orientated, and more logical than myself. It doesn’t mean I hate myself as a woman, it means I love myself for the woman I am just where I am, and I have peace just being the woman I am created to be and appreciating and respecting men for who they are created to be.

Sorry feminists, you do not represent all of us.

Adam

“Men and women are NOT equal in any sense of the word. We’re not! Men are smarter, stronger, faster, and more useful than women. Im not saying women suck or that we’re big monkeys, im simply stating the fact that men are the ones who made or created everything! Many years ago i pondered that…men created everything! I considered oppression and being tied down to the home but that didnt last very long once I started reading Camille Paglia, she straightened my ass right out and informed me that it was OK to be a girl and not rule the world…to not even be capable of it. I dont know if this makes any sense but i hope it does.”

That doesn’t mean you should sell yourself short or settle for personal mediocrity. If you have an opportunity to develop yourself, to improve on any aspect through training in some way then by all means take it.
If you have an idea, then run with it, if you have a dream career, pursue it.

What men have the problem with is that female’s rise to power currently seems at the expense of men’s personal freedoms. Ideally, we should both be able to pursue the future we want without standing on each other’s heads.

Giselle

So can ANYONE here tell me what its supposed to look like? Ideally after all is said and done? After the MRA have won and changed laws and balanced out the scale? i have asked Paul this question, but he’s an extremely busy man. Anyone?> Whats it supposed to be like after we win? Tell me!

Adam

Thats the tricky question I suppose.

I know in my own example;
“What men have the problem with is that female’s rise to power currently seems at the expense of men’s personal freedoms. Ideally, we should both be able to pursue the future we want without standing on each other’s heads.”

I neglect to mention that men does this to each other and to women and women does this each other and men to achieve their goals. That is the way things work in a limited economy where there are only so many job vacancies, so many educational courses in that school/college/university etc.

Again, ideally, I would like to see equal rights to life. Where a meritocracy is instated. The best person for the job who has the staying power to perform said job. This goes for everything from parenthood to public service positions.

Having a penis shouldn’t mean that the owner is necessarily a labourer, soldier, scientist or politician.
Having a vagina shouldn’t mean that the owner is necessarily a child day-carer, nurse, prostitute or receptionist.

We have a mediocre meritocracy at the moment but it is watered down with every equal opportunity law and political correctness. Strip these away and the associate harpies and vultures that feed on hysteria and we would get things done.

nigeles175d

Thankyou Giselle, it’s nice to see this type of post from a woman. If only the world were full of women like this it would be a much nicer place.

john

Dr. Phil works for oprah…oprah is a liberal democrat…the truth about men is not on the liberal agenda….i listen to talk radio…NPR…every week…and every week there is an issue about women…being the victim ..sexist issues….its all about women

About time this baldy little b*****d got a dose of his own medicine,
Here’s hoping it shuts him up for while at least.

Sasha

I love this article. Domestic Violence against men has been such an ignored topic. We claim it exists, but then we have no acknowledgement of its existence when both partners are abusing each other.

If the man was not fighting back at all, or perpetrating any violence, then maybe the woman gets called on her abusive behavior. But for some reason, when a man hits a woman (never acceptable of course), we shut our eyes completely to her abuse, retailiation, etc. I’m not saying an abused woman asked for it, but if she’s hitting too, they are both at fault.

I’ve always been rather disturbed by the ‘abuse excuse’ when a woman shoots her husband dead after enduring years of abuse at his hands, claiming there was ‘no way out.’ Well, perhaps, but the ultimate domestic violence is when one partner ends up murdered. I’d say she was a bit more guilty of dv at that point.

He may be bigger than her, but that’s not really the point, is it. The relative size has little to do with abuse. If you have a skinny little short man getting beaten by his huge wife, you probably would still hear it if he hit her too “don’t hit girls!” Now, I don’t think it’s right for men to hit women, but I also don’t think there’s ever an excuse for anyone to hit anyone, unless it’s boxing…

Sasha

Oh, and Dr. Phil’s a douche.

Jonathan Mann

Excellent article. Why is it so difficult for so many people to see such obvious things?

Daniel Kulkarni

I don’t think it’s enough to just say people shouldn’t hit one another. Like Bill Burr says, this doesn’t address a major factor, which is how women argue. What if a woman is being emotionally abusive? Women are so drunk with power that they’ll purposely get in a man’s face and aggravate him to the point that he loses control. Does she not have it coming? I think she does.

Contribute Today!

Pre Order Now!

The Myth of Male Power

Internet Relay Chat

Hot on the web

Mental Health Corner

“My mom used to go on beating frenzies and actually beat some of my friends, too. I stopped playing little league sports because I got tired of looking at the bench and seeing her rolling in the dirt with some other parent.”