I love avocados, sometimes (read: daily) stand on my head to get my creative juices flowing, and I could listen to The Beatles sing, “I’ve Just Seen A Face” everyday, for the rest of forever.

Wondering what goes on here? Yup, so are the rest of us.

1. I am a lifestyle photographer. I have the most remarkable clients in the world, and I share their images here to inspire us all to live life with greater love, meaning and joy.

2. I am a writer. This blog is full of many of the curious thinks I have thunk.

3. I am a speaker and life/business consultant. I post upcoming speaking engagements and consulting information here as well.

4. I am most fulfilled by my work as a wife and mother to my 4 sons, one of whom now lives in Heaven. I share bits and pieces of our journey here on this blog. Including our ongoing struggle with grief, our experiences with ADHD and SPD, and our solid faith in a God much bigger than the challenges we face.

But ultimately, I hope that this blog is about something much bigger than all of that.My dream is for this blog to be a place where real life comes to be celebrated and enthusiastically embraced. Not just the pretty stuff, with tailored hems, clean lines,and the new colors for spring . . . but everything else, too. The frazzled mornings, broken hearts, crazy dreams, messy kitchens. . . even the fear, failure, hopelessness and devastation. I want this blog to be a place for every bit of what makes us all living, breathing, feeling human beings, experiencing together this remarkable thing called life.

May this be a place of passion, purpose, laughter, tears, friendship, encouragement and inspiration for us all.

In 2010, our perfect *”Baby Gavin” returned to Heaven after losing a courageous battle with **Pertussis (whooping cough). We are eternally and profoundly grateful to the thousands upon thousands (upon thousands) of friends and strangers from all over the world, of all faiths and creeds, who united with our family in prayer during Baby Gavin’s horrific illness and who grieved with us and continued to petition God in our behalf during the dark days following his tragic death. You may read Gavin’s story as it unfolded by visiting my old blog here. I am committed to sharing my ongoing struggles with grief and our journey toward joy here on the new blog. I am always humbled and amazed by the continued outpouring of love and support. Thank you for sharing in our journey and inspiring us with your unceasing love! God is good!

*My brother Gavin passed away unexpectedly in 2007. With all these Angel Gavins, it can get a little confusing at times, so just know that when I refer to “Gavin” I’m referring to my wonderful brother. When I refer to “Baby Gavin,” it is in reference to my perfect son, both of whom I cannot wait to see in Heaven!

**You will periodically see me blog about The Sounds of Pertussis campaign. I am an unpaid spokesperson and am only compensated travel expenses where applicable for my involvement with this important cause. Join our fight against this deadly communicable disease at www.soundsofpertussis.com or like us on facebook at www.facebook.com/soundsofpertussis.

My brother, Gavin, was adopted. Did you know? Hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about his birth mother and wish I could just throw my arms around her neck and never, ever let go.

Before I got pregnant with Baby Gavin, we had planned to adopt our next child (or two). I have two ruptured disks in my lower spine, and with each subsequent pregnancy, I’d experienced increasing difficulty as I approached full term. Plus . . . I’ve always wanted to adopt. Always. My brother was an absolute miracle in my life, my best friend. He belonged with our family. There was never a doubt in anyone’s mind about that. I remember vividly as a child, my mom saying things like, “Heavenly Father knew that Gavin was supposed to come to our family, so he got really creative to make sure he made it!” I believe that, heart and soul.

I thought long and hard about the decision to adopt, and it just feltright. After a series of somewhat remarkable events, Richie was on board as well. We completed the home study, did alllllllll the paperwork (it feels like it will never end when you’re in the middle of it), passed our background checks, and were approved for adoption! Only a few months after our profile went live on the agency’s website, SURPRISE, I found out I was pregnant.

After watching my mom suffer, wanting a baby with all.her.soul, and not being able to conceive on her own (I was somewhat of a miracle), I couldn’t move forward with our adoption, pregnant, and feel like a decent human being. So, we put our adoption on hold.

After Gavin died, I wanted another baby immediately. IMMEDIATELY. But I knew deep down that no baby could fill the gaping hole in my heart, because no baby could ever replace the one that I lost. I recognized that my desire for another child, was simply a feeble attempt to bury the terror and hide from the sorrow I felt over losing my son. I committed to wait to have another child until I knew my heart was. . . healthy. . .for lack of a better word. My heart will never heal. I’ll never return to who I was before we said goodbye, but like a broken bone, I like to think that while yes, losing him left a scar, and while yes, I will NEVER, EVER forget him, somehow losing him left my heart stronger, bigger, more capable of love, compassion, laughter and joy.

I’m finally strong. Not perfect, not by any stretch of the imagination, only strong.

Where does this leave us? I don’t know. I really, truly don’t have any idea.

We’re terrified of having another child. We openly express our fear of having another baby nearly every day. We have nightmares of having another child and that child getting sick and dying. Allowing Raleigh to travel to Nicaragua with Richie was incredibly frightening for us. He’s up to date on all his shots, but Richie and I each had TREMENDOUS anxiety over sending him on this trip. These fears are a natural part of our healing process. We recognize that, and so we lean into them. We refuse to be governed by fear. Ever. Fear is a natural part of our lives, particularly after experiencing the kind of trauma we did losing Gavin, but it will never own us. Ever. Raleigh and Richie are having the experience of a lifetime. More on that soon. I’m so grateful I didn’t rob him of this life altering experience simply because I was afraid.

I want another child. Or two for that matter. Sure, I’m frightened, and rightly so. . . but more than fear, I feel hope. Faith. Love. Excitement for the future. Gratitude for my beautiful family and all that God has blessed us with. I trust Him. I’m leaning in to fear and replacing it with faith. It’s a far better way to live.

Is adoption in our future? I don’t know. I hope it is. Someday. Maybe someday soon, but in the mean time, I’m taking life one beautiful moment at a time.

xx,

Me

This post was inspired by Jane and this beautiful video (embedded below) she shared with me. It gave me chills. . . over every inch of my body. Andrew and Carissa have raised all the money for their adoption and are in the final stages of the process. From their lovely and absolutely heartfelt blog, I learned that they are only a couple of short months from being able to bring sweet Rinah home.

This post was also inspired by Taylor. I have been so inspired by her journey toward adoption. Taylor, you know that if I could, I would have a thousand babies and give every one to you. I don’t know a better mother or a more beautiful family than you and yours. You are everything I aspire to be. When that baby of yours finally makes it into your arms, Heaven itself will rejoice. Of that, I am certain.

Shelly:
Wow. That was a great way to start the morning. Thank you, Sweet Natalie. March 8, 2011 4:30 am

Aileen Reilly:
I love your heart. Just the right child at just the right time will come to you and Richie just as Heavenly Father intended it. You will see. And you will be just the right family for this just right addition. ;) xoxo A March 8, 2011 4:41 am

mer:
i love you... you are one of the shiniest people i know! March 8, 2011 4:47 am

Erin Davenport:
My mom and her brother were adopted and it is such an amazing gift. The video moved me too. You and Richie are so generous and have so much love to share, it makes my heart happy that you may still have more children :) March 8, 2011 4:53 am

Niki:
Loved it! How wonderful! Adoption is truly one of God's gifts in the midst of pain and heartache. March 8, 2011 5:15 am

Lily:
Natalie, I've followed your blog every since baby Gavin was in the hospital. I prayed and cried with you, since at that time my son was about 19 months. It brings me a smile to read how well you are doing and specially that you are holding strong on faith, God, love. I've always wanted to adopt...I only have one son at the moment, I'm 27 yrs old, plan to have two more and wait a bit to pray and decide if adoption is in our future. God bless you Natalie, you and your beautiful family. March 8, 2011 5:36 am

Leika:
Thank you so much for this post. My brother is adopted, and your words about your brother struck such a chord with me. I love, love, love hearing and reading words from other people who understand deeply that "heart babies" are every bit as much a part of your family as "tummy babies," to quote one of my favorite anecdotes. As always, your amazing gift of words, faith, and love move me beyond description. March 8, 2011 6:31 am

Noa:
Oh, Natalie, I adore you with every atom of my being. You are incredible. Thank you for being so open and real. I swear I read your posts and I grow as a human being. Whatever you and Richie decide, I know you will enrich this world. Love you!!! March 8, 2011 7:22 am

Justin:
Hey Nat, thanks for sharing....linds just posted the other day on our blog: bowenbabies.blogspot.com
her thought on our interacial adoption, you should read it, if you get a sec. March 8, 2011 10:35 am

Courtney:
Natalie you are an angel :) You shine such light into my life and I thank the lord that we have crossed paths....he always knows best. Whenever I read your blog all the little problems and issues I am facing seem to get so much smaller and the world seems like a better place. Needed it today - thank you! March 8, 2011 10:49 am

Nita:
Natalie I love you! You have such a mother heart. I'm always touched in such a tender way when you write like this. I'm moving back to Hawaii for a few months, and I would so love to see you and give you an energy hug. Not because I think you need it, but because I do. I need some of your light:)Will you let me please? March 8, 2011 11:27 am

Lara:
I love you. You are a blessing to my heart, Natalie. I love you. I love you. I'm praying for you and Richie as you move through these feelings and decisions. God has this. He will make a way. March 8, 2011 11:59 am

Brit:
This post warms my heart. I know life will bless you and Richie with another child (or two) to be the perfect piece to your beautiful family puzzle. March 8, 2011 12:01 pm

domenica:
That video totally gave me chills too! xoxo
Adoption is such an amazing gift/experience. Thank you for sharing this. :) March 8, 2011 12:01 pm

anda:
beautiful, natalie. like you, i have always wanted to adopt. thank you for sharing these other blogs and the video. sending love to you :) March 8, 2011 12:02 pm

Ashley:
I'm an adoptive mom. And a biological mom. Both are blessings and miracles. Neither should be here, but were so 'meant' that it happened.
Nobody can tell you when it's time and nobody should tell you when it's time. I know it's not the same, but I felt so different being pregnant after having had a miscarriage. Like the fear was so much more because I knew what I'd lose since I'd lost it before. There's nothing anyone can say to make that fear go away. But know that the fear makes it so much more a miracle and a blessing. Very best wishes to you. Fresh courage take. March 8, 2011 12:11 pm

sonya:
our oldest and youngest have come via adoption (catholic charities-hawaii). my oldest has owned this family since when day she got here. somethings are just meant to be, if its in god's will for you, he will open the doors you need.
there are never a shortage of kids that need mommies and daddies...always praying for you! March 8, 2011 12:44 pm

Jenn A.:
You. Are. Amazing. You have been through so much and yet you have joy and love oozing out of your every pore. Words cannot express how grateful I always am to read your blog posts, they help me remember to live in the now, to keep hoping and loving and dreaming when everything falls apart. You are a treasure, Natalie. And I know that whatever God has in store for you, it's going to be wonderful. Ps- I hope part of God's plan is for you to have a girl ;-) March 8, 2011 1:35 pm

Bridget:
Sometimes, it surprises me how very similar we can be. Maybe Dimitry is yours: http://bridgetjohns.blogspot.com/2011/03/dimitry-not-his-real-name.html March 8, 2011 1:53 pm

Angela:
What a lovely post! We have two adopted children - they mean the world to us. I am not sure if our family is finished yet though.... :) Its actually really hard to adopt here in New Zealand so our journey may have ended. May have. March 8, 2011 3:46 pm

mar:
I have totally seen this video before and I love it. How exciting to be thinking about adoption. I think one day it might be in my little families future as well. I think about it often. I also had a dear friend of mine who was exactly in your shoes. Papers in, home study done, profile online and she got miraculously got pregnant. She put her adoption on hold and is just now giving it another go! Any child would be so lucky to get you as a mom...for sure! Love your face! Keep it up! March 8, 2011 4:08 pm

April:
Beautiful video, it made me tear up a little. Thanks for sharing your story about adoption, I have always thought about it in the back of my mind like it is something I should do, you have inspired me yet again! March 8, 2011 5:48 pm

Karissa Dozhier:
This blog put a big smile on my face. Just last May my husband and I adopted our son. We also have lost a son, when I was 27 weeks pregnant.. And I too believe that God had to "get creative". Because our son absolutely belongs in our family. Check out our adoption story xtraordinarymiracles.blogspot.com. Click on April for the adoption story. And I highly reccomend A Guardian Angel Adoptions. March 8, 2011 6:39 pm

Amie W:
I am confident that between you , Richie and the Lord everything is gonna work out.
Hearing other people's experiences can be inspirational, encouraging and sometimes confusing. I say confusing because I tend to become emotionally guided if I'm not careful. Emotions are not always trustworthy, as I'm sure you are aware.
I believe the most important thing to do is seek to be in tune with that place in your heart (you know where it is) that gives YOU peace and gives YOU clarity. Section 9 of the Doctrine and Covenants is a proven pattern to divine guidance.
You will know. Together, you will know.
I love you Natalie. Thank you for sharing your heart. I've learned a lot today thinking over my life. I too am a biological child (one of two) with two adopted siblings. That is another story for another time. March 8, 2011 7:26 pm

Amy Paulson:
And then I cried... Natalie - I can't wait to watch you walk through these coming years. And this beautiful child? This little one that will one day enter your precious family? Oh my goodness, that little one is so blessed. We'll be praying for your family as you wait for God's timing. Who knows - maybe we'll be walking through this at the same time. Thank you for sharing... March 9, 2011 11:45 am

natalie:
The comments here are so beautiful. You are all such REMARKABLE people! Gosh! March 9, 2011 3:49 pm

Kate:
Wow Nat. Congratulations. I wish you ALL the best!!! March 10, 2011 11:32 am

Ashleigh:
Thank you for posting your feelings on fear. Fear tends to rule me and I am working really hard on having faith in Heavenly Father and His plan for me. You have experienced so many things that I fear in life and you are telling us that you will not let fear rule your life. I agree that you cannot live your life in fear. I appreciate you sharing that because it helps me with my fight with fear. March 12, 2011 6:34 am

Damaris @Kitchen Corners:
Thanks for sharing this beautiful post natalie, it brought a lot of emotion to my soul. I sit at my table in my bedroom. The bed is made because Christian made it. My clothes from last week's laundry day is scattered all over the floor, honestly i don't know when I'll get to it. Maybe today. I think about adoption every single day multiple times a day. One general conference I was listening to the message and taking notes when all of a sudden I was was overcome with a desire to write and I wrote "adopt a baby." I know it's something we will do as a family one day but every day I tell myself I'm not adequate enough. My house is messy. When my house is cleaner I'll adopt a baby. When I can make wonderful meals every single day, and always be happy, and always find time to play candy land with my kids, and never get mad at baby Maria, and read scriptures every day, and do FHE, and wear better clothes then I'll adopt a baby. I feel like every step forward that I take where the lord whispers in my heart "you're just fine" I hear shouts from the opposite direction that tells me "you're not." It's confusing and it shouldn't be. Yet the desire to adopt is so there. It is so so present in my life and in my prayers. We're moving to Brazil for a year. I hope that when we return from our trip will have another member added to our family. Maybe even two :) March 14, 2011 7:58 am

natalie:
Damaris, I love your heart. This is so beautiful, and I think you articulate the fears of so many. We're always waiting until. . . we have more money, or a better schedule, or a better relationship, or a better body. We wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, and the unfortunate reality is, the majority of the time, the waiting becomes indefinite. We don't even know what hit us and we wake up 20 years later. (Easy for me to say when 20 years ago, I was 9. But it's a truth. Whether or not I've experienced it first hand.) You will be a wonderful adoptive mother. The best. You already have everything you need. You are already that child's mother. When the time is right, the courage will come. I'm certain. I love you. March 16, 2011 12:34 pm

Damaris @Kitchen Corners:
Thanks Natalie. I'm certain that when the time comes you will also be able to adopt. Ever since I met you and Richie I've secretly hoped you two would adopt a baby from Brazil. Unfortunately there are so many kids in my country who need parents like you two. March 17, 2011 7:33 am

Susan:
Our family has just recently decided to adopt! I needed to read this. You are so amazing, Natalie. Thank you. This post really touched me. July 25, 2011 7:40 am

bh:
Gosh, I am sure your brother's first mother would be super happy to hear that she was a mistake and God meant her to live forever grieving her child. Very tactful! February 19, 2014 8:16 am

natalie:
bh, I am 100% certain I do not understand your comment. I am also 100% certain that you do not understand this post. I love my brother's birth mother with every bit of my soul. In fact, we are friends and keep in contact. I'm sorry for the confusion you felt as you read these words. xo, N March 17, 2014 9:05 am

You gave your very life that I might find my own, and I pray every day that you did not go in vain. I fight every day, that your legacy may live on forever in me. That somehow, I might continue what you started during your short and powerful jaunt to this mortal world. Though I know that I am not worthy of a scrap of who you are. Not worthy to be the mother to one so pure, so wise, so great. My humility in reference to you as my son? It knows no bounds.

Gavin, thank you for loving me. Thank you for teaching me. Your life, your death, has taught me more about the Atonement of Jesus Christ than 30 years of formal spiritual education. You have taken what was only conceptual, and you’ve sewn it’s reality, it’s pure and miraculous TRUTH and testimony, to the very walls of my soul, and there are no sufficient words of gratitude for a thing like that.

Never was there a love more fierce than ours; I love you with my every fiber. . .

I love you with my all.

Forever,

Mommy

One more thing. . .tonight, Baby B makes his way into this world. I hope that the two of you are friends and that you gave each other high fives and bear hugs before you said goodbye. Keep your eye on him for his momma and I. She’s a beautiful person; you would have loved her a lot.

Leika:
I have never met anyone whose fierce love, commingled with grief, evokes such power, faith, and pure, poignant joy. What beautiful, moving, POWERFUL words. God has touched so many lives through you, and I believe that both Gavins have matching proud grins when they look down on the amazing mother, sister, wife, friend and woman of God you are!! February 16, 2011 4:57 am

aileen reilly:
i.love.this. thank you for being who you are. XOXO a February 16, 2011 5:25 am

Amanda Peterson:
Beautiful words. It IS such a privilege to have had the opportunity to raise these amazing little ones during their short earth lives. Your strength is so inspiring and everything you say is everything I want to say but am just not as eloquent as you. Always look forward to every post you make! February 16, 2011 6:05 am

Melody:
I don't think you ever need to worry that he died in vain. If even one baby and family is saved from the pain you all went through then it is not in vain and I am absolutely sure you have already saved many. Not only that but he has changed your life for the better in so many ways aside from the time you spent with him and that's not something most babies can say. He has changed many of us and touched so many people. I am sure he has brought many folks to The Lord and that's really something since he never uttered a word. February 16, 2011 3:04 pm

mary darnell:
Oh wow. You are amazing. Thank you for your gift of words and the blessing of literally feeling the grace they portray. It is, I would say ironic, but more fittingly will say beautiful and blessed, that my grandfather who lived and loved and served in your beautiful Hawaii said this: "I have come to know that not every unhappy experience in life need remain unhappy, but is, in all likelihood, the training ground for a better, and happier day." So glad for you that you are choosing to LIVE for those happier days. Your exquisite honesty is so appreciated. This motherhood deal is oh so excrutiatingly beautiful, isn't it? February 17, 2011 8:38 pm

Georges:
An uncommon focus but a very great shot. February 19, 2011 4:33 am

Emily Hansel:
Oh natalie, this takes my breath away. So beautiful. But I believe that you are worthy of being Gavin's mom. It shows through the way you have lived your life since he left, refusing to wallow, but being active in your grief, working so hard to bring awareness, but also in your personal life and the example you set for your other boys and for the world. It is so easy to let loss become who we are. I am so happy to know you, to have you in my life as an example of an amazing, wise, woman, wife and mother. (and your project is still in the works!) February 21, 2011 11:07 am

Natalie Norton:
Mary, WOW. What a beautiful quote by your grandmother. So inspiring. So true. February 26, 2011 9:56 am

Jahjahz mahmee:
U took the words from my very soul.....Thank you March 26, 2011 4:41 pm

During the beginning part of 2010, I felt a lot like I look here. Only about 72 billion times worse. Times 2.

Plus there were a full 48lbs more of me to love. Which didn’t lighten my spirits any, trust you me.

I’ve been thinking a lot about 2010. Like most of us, I tend to become introspective at the close of a year.

For example:

I clearly remember at the end of 2006, looking back with Richie at the ups and downs of that year and saying, “Babe, 2007 is going to be OUR YEAR! What else could POSSIBLY happen?!” Then my brother died June 17th 2007 (Father’s Day), and that pretty much threw 2007 (and a good portion of 2008) straight to The Underworld (in a busted up hand basket).

But I survived. Despite (lots more) death, betrayal and huge financial set backs, and despite far more doubt than I’d ever admit publicly, and despite fear, Hell and high water, 2007-2008 were the years I survived. Many times during that period I had wanted to be dead and done, so surviving was all a girl could hope for. I patted myself on the back (wholeheartedly), stood up, and brushed off my back side to face 2009 like any big girl should.

I’m genuinely proud of myself for 2007 and 2008. Sometimes, I wish I could scoop “that girl” (the 2007-2008 Natalie) up into my arms and give her a big hug. To rock her back and forth, and quietly tell her, “it’s going to be all right.” So I’ll say it to you, yes YOU, It’s going to be all right. It really, truly is. Promise.

In 2009 things were looking up. There were still struggles (a’plenty) to be negotiated, but thankfully I’d learned a thing or two or four hundred in 2007 and 2008 and was ready to face difficulty head on. Plus I had a beautiful little bun in my oven! Who could doubt that things were looking up?! Yahoo!

Well. . . at the end of 2009, there I sat, in a hospital room, with a dying child and bottle of Martinellis (that I had no way of opening). 2009 left without a shred of crowning glory, and 2010 was deemed nothing more than the year my son would get better. I couldn’t see beyond that. Didn’t want to. Didn’t need to. All I needed was for that boy to be well.

So, 2010.

This post is meant to be dedicated to you, so what do you have to say for yourself?

After Gavin died, I had ZERO expectations, so you didn’t have much to live up to. If all you’d done was float me like your baby brothers 2007 and 2008 did, that would have been enough. No one had the right to expect a single thing out of me. If I’d of holed up in my bedroom, with a pillow over my face the entire year, I’d have been pittied, sure, but blamed for it? Not a chance.

Well, here it is. Humbly, and from my heart.

2010 was the year I found my ROAR.

I learned how to laugh, how to cry, how to hurt, how to love, how to believe, how to trust, how to simplify, how to let go . . . how to change.

I learned:

Every.single.morning, the sun will rise.
Circumstance has no power except the power we give it.
Many of life’s largest “problems” are born of thoughts and feelings and have zero basis in reality.
There is always SOMEONE to reach out to.
God can’t sail a ship that hasn’t left the harbor.
I am responsible for my life. No matter what.
I may not be able to choose my circumstances, but I can always choose my reaction to them.
The Savior is not only my Redeember, but my dearest friend.
There is a reason we are commanded to cleave unto one another as husband and wife.
A happy marriage takes real effort. And it’s worth it. 1000%. I love you Richie!
My children deserve all of me, and not what happens to be left over after everything else.
The world will go on spinning without me!!!! Fancy that! It’s OK to have lofty dreams and ambitions!!!
ANYTHING is possible!
My brother is always closer than I think. I can often feel him in stillness.
Stillness is an essential part of my search for happiness.
Physical and spiritual health are my lifelines to success. If I want to be balanced and successful in ANY other areas of my life, these have GOT to come first.
I have to stay hydrated/I have got to avoid sugar/I need to be well rested/I have to make time for serious exercise at least 5 times a week.
I can’t do everything at the same time: at least not by myself.
It’s OK to ask for help.
Letting go is a wonderful gift.

I could write 82 blog posts outlining everything I learned this year, and I could type until my fingers turned blue only to BEGIN to tell you everything I’m grateful for!

Because guess what? And I can say this with ZERO hesitation:

2010 was the best year of my life!

How on Earth can that be?! EVERYTHING was stacked up against me. It’s important remember that not all my living is done within the confines of this here blog. This was a BIG year, Gavin being the biggest part of it, yes, but oh boy was it a big FAT year in just about EVERY other way as well.

and yet. . .

and yet.

and yet.

Gets you thinking doesn’t it?!

Despite it all, oh what a healthy dose of faith and some determination can do!

“With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Heavenly Father has given US, my family and I, a complete and total miracle in 2010. For that I say, “Thank you. . . THANK YOU. . . THANK YOU!” For lessons learned, tears shed, faith exercised and roar found.

Erin:
Natalie, over this last year you have shown us such courage and faith and that is huge. Seriously, some of your post have been nothing short of amazing. I am not sure I have ever left a comment but thanks for sharing all that you do! January 10, 2011 5:10 am

aileen:
rock on sista. love you lots and so blessed to call you friend. you inspiration you. xoxo A January 10, 2011 5:23 am

Michelle:
Hi Natalie, We do not know each other, but I read your blog daily and you are so inspiring to me. The way you write about the difficult times in your life brings me to tears and at the same time it is encouraging. I know of a young mother who suddenly lost her husband 2 days before Christmas. Her writings remind me a lot of yours. I thought you might want to check hers out...maybe be a light for her. Her blog is teachingtuckandty.blogspot.com January 10, 2011 7:23 am

Lara:
I LOVE YOU NATALIE NORTON!!! I cannot wait to hug you next week!!!! xoxoxox January 10, 2011 8:18 am

chelsea:
you are such an inspiration! so talented & amazing at putting your feelings into writing. I stumbled across your blog a little while ago, and have been hooked ever since. thank you for sharing you, with us! January 10, 2011 12:42 pm

Kerri:
Natalie, you amazing woman, thank you. And what a coincidence...I just wrote my own "And yet" post last night. Or maybe that's not a coincidence. Maybe it's having had your example that helped me look past our own tragedy to the growth and beauty of the year past. Thank you for your kindness and for your prayers and strength. I am beyond grateful. And I'm determined that 2011 will be full of AMAZING things. January 10, 2011 12:51 pm

Lindsay:
You certainly made me feel like it was okay to roar and to cry and to laugh. Thank you. January 10, 2011 5:50 pm

Brooke:
My son died this year as well. I also feel like I learned a lot and the Lord showed me so much through losing him. I wish every day that he were here....but I know that good has come from it in a way I never would have imagined. Thanks for this great post! January 10, 2011 6:42 pm

Amie:
I love your happy dance picture and the rock solid testimony you share with such amazing grace!
I love you Nat! Richie too! January 10, 2011 7:09 pm

Rachel B:
I love that ROAR! I must say that is the best Nat face I have seen. You are my shining example, I need to CUT the crap & give 2011 my ROAR! January 10, 2011 9:42 pm

Sarah F:
Natalie, I have just printed your "what I learned" list and stuck it on my fridge. These are exactly what I need to learn and remember! I'm having a horrid time of late and seeing this post when I woke this morn (In Australia) was just the inspiration I needed to do something big for me and now I have done it. A seven day health retreat starting this Sunday to restore my heart and soul. So thanks again! Sarah x PS Still haven't overcome the running mountain but am working on it! January 10, 2011 10:00 pm

Joel Flory:
Just read your story in the midst of working late and wanted to say thank you so much for bring focus into my own life of what really matters. May 2011 be your year and then some. January 10, 2011 10:17 pm

Marsha:
Inspirational. In so many ways and more. You are one AMAZING lady. xx January 10, 2011 10:21 pm

Rhys:
An extremely inspirational post...
I truly wish you a fantastic 2011 :-)
Oh, and you're blog is now bookmarked, I'll keep an eye on it. January 10, 2011 11:57 pm

Amelialyon:
What an amazing post, I feel inspired, energized & a whole heart filled with gratitude! Yes 2010 was a great year & 2011 will be even better!! I learned a profound lesson yesterday in Sunday school & it hit me like a ton of bricks- you know how much the Lord trusts you by the trials he gives you! The Lord must REALLY trust you Natalie & look how you've endured and endured well! I'll always look up to you for that!! Here's to an amazing 2011! Cheers! January 11, 2011 12:28 am

Tami Ling:
Thank you, Natalie. You are such an inspiration and I am humbled and touch by your amazing honesty and willingness to share. Keep it up!
Blessings for 2011 and beyond! January 11, 2011 8:39 am

Megan:
I know Mike Colon and when high water rose at the end of 09 beginning of 10, I prayed for you. I have followed you ever since...reading your inspirational words..today..specifically..your words reached out beyond your blog and touched me in a significant way..a life changing way..thank you. January 11, 2011 2:23 pm

Amanda:
Fabulous. I can't agree more about our reacting to things in life- I share that with you! Thanks for sharing the rest- it's amazing. January 11, 2011 4:39 pm

Angela:
You rock my socks :) Thank you for sharing your heart and soul, and letting all of us be a part of your amazing life! ROAR, girl :) January 11, 2011 6:41 pm

magdalene:
natalie, you have inspired me so many times before and after things went a little haywire in my life in 2010...i don't remember how i found your blog, but am sure i was meant to. you have a beautiful soul, and are an amazing artist. thank you! January 13, 2011 5:09 pm

loni:
hi, my aunt gave me your link to your blog, it helped me a lot, i am going through a lot right now, thank you. i just started a blog to help get my feelings out and it is helping more than i thought it would.
www.theponceaponits.blogspot.com January 17, 2011 10:07 am

courtney:
I finally just read this post (I'm so behind on my blogs!) and it moved me to tears. thank you so much for being so open with your faith, struggles, and inspiration. January 27, 2011 6:10 am

Cyndi Jordan:
My sweet friend referred me to your blog a few weeks ago in my struggle to deal with my baby boy's death this last year. I've been catching up with your story and have been amazed and inspired by you. I can't say I'm roaring with you yet, but you're inspiring me to start squeaking. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! January 31, 2011 8:54 pm

Meg:
Thank you for sharing this Natalie. You have really inspired me to get up off my butt... and find my roar. It's about time. Thank you for that. February 1, 2011 8:51 pm

jessica sands:
i read through your gavin posts and sobbed. you are amazing and inspiring! god bless! February 3, 2011 9:40 am

Sometimes, when you’re “knee deep in the thick of life,” as I like to say, it’s so easy to get focused on your feet. To feel the weight of the world as it threatens to CRUSH your very soul. We’ve all been there. Don’t you dare dream, for even an instant, that I think grief and pain are exclusive to me or my individual set of circumstances. We’ve all got our “stuff,” and as a runner, I’ll tell you what, it only takes a very small pebble to bring you to your knees.

Life gets heavy . . . and oftentimes so.

Even the small stuff can feel completely and totally insurmountable.

Sometimes it’s not fair. Sometimes we feel all alone. Sometimes we can’t see any way up and out. Sometimes we literally feel like we’re being SUFFOCATED.

I’ll tell you this: “Look up!” Get your eyes off your feet and up to the Heavens, because there’s ALWAYS something to be grateful for.

Alisa Greig:
thank you nat. so true. discovering how to be grateful in all things--we are blessed :) January 5, 2011 10:24 pm

Sarah:
Thanks Nat. I am really struggling with my own stuff at the moment and this is exactly what I needed to hear. xx January 5, 2011 10:26 pm

aileen:
indeed. i make sure i'm smiling when i run. if i'm grimacing, i make myself run farther and smile more. :) oh, and look up, yes. it's amazing how far you get when you look ahead and you're not focused every.little.step. on where you've been. xoxo A January 5, 2011 10:27 pm

Ashley Daniell:
What a beautiful post Natalie! Thank you for reaching out to the world to share your faith. Your words help and encourage me! And you have a GORGEOUS family! :-) January 5, 2011 10:33 pm

Sarah:
I hadn't checked out your site in a while (things have been a little nuts around these parts) but as my baby girl's birthday approaches, I am thinking of you.
Wasn't it yesterday that I sat here staring in shock at this very same screen? I was holding my tiny new girl and feeling BEYOND sorry for myself that after three long months of complete bedrest (while my 6,5 and 4 year old looked on...) I had given birth to a child that was so uncomfortable that all she could do was scream. Loudly. Every single second of every sing hour of everysingle day.
And then I read your news. I sat in this chair, holding my screaming baby and cried. For a really, really, really long time. I have never been more grateful for the sounds of colic in all of my 28 years.
And tonight I was reading and as I read this quote, I thought of you. And I said a prayer (or 100).
I know that Heavenly Father is beyond grateful for your strength and ability and willingness to share your story and testimony at the same time, with the outlook that you have. May He continue to bless you and yours with comfort.
""Imagine yourself as a living house. God comes in to rebuild that house. At first, perhaps, you can understand what He is doing. He is getting the drains right and stopping the leaks in the roof and so on; you knew that those jobs needed doing and so you are not surprised. But presently He starts knocking the house about in a way that hurts abominably and does not seem to make any sense. What on earth is He up to? The explanation is that He is building quite a different house from the one you thought of - throwing out a new wing here, putting on an extra floor there, running up towers, making courtyards. You thought you were being made into a decent little cottage: but He is building a palace. He intends to come and live in it Himself."
— C.S. Lewis (Mere Christianity) January 5, 2011 10:59 pm

natalie:
OH MY GOSH SARAH. That quote is POWERFUL. I love it so much. I want to print it and hang it in my office. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I am honored and humbled that something so very beautiful reminded you of me. . . January 6, 2011 12:12 am

Brenda:
You inspire me to love more, give more, every single day :) January 6, 2011 12:28 am

Marsha:
What a beautiful post Natalie. There truly is always something to be grateful for. I need to remind myself of this at times. xx January 6, 2011 12:45 am

shari:
you lied. i still cried! but it's not your fault that i'm a bawl baby...happy or sad, tears always seem to flow easily from my eyes!
you did give me lots of warm fuzzies though.
thank you. :) January 6, 2011 3:56 am

wendy:
Very very powerful post today Natalie. Thinking of you alot these last few days. You are such an inspiration. xoxo wendy January 6, 2011 5:56 am

Kim:
You are one hot mama. Tsssssst. Thanks for always being so amazing. January 6, 2011 6:11 am

Briony:
thank you for always being so transparent and for always encouraging and challenging. you are a bright light in a world full of gray. January 6, 2011 7:54 am

heidi:
You are a stellar daughter of God. The way you write is so real and brings so much emotion to all who read. You are giving us all more faith and hope in our loving Heavenly Father and the sacrifice of his son & our brother Jesus Christ. For that I thank you from the bottom of my heart. You are in my thoughts and prayers. January 6, 2011 10:03 am

Karen Stott:
Just wanted to say thanks for that. You are right. I need to look heavenward way more than I do. January 6, 2011 11:22 am

natalie:
Truly inspiring! I love the way you write... January 6, 2011 7:09 pm

Aroha:
At the risk of sounding like a psycho stalker, which I swear I am not, I think I have a total girl crush on you! haha. I think you are truly the epitome of the saying "beautiful inside and out". That pic in the middle, you are stunning. But from reading your blog for 18 months now, I know your outer beauty is nothing compared to your inner beauty. January 6, 2011 8:35 pm

Tara:
Thank you so much for your words. They have truly touched a my soul. Thank you for your faith, and your example. thank you. January 6, 2011 9:20 pm

Corinne:
You are so strong. You inspire me to be a better mother and to cherish each moment with my children. My prayers are with you. January 6, 2011 10:02 pm

Lisa Tilley-Newman:
Natalie, you perfectly let yourself feel... That's what makes you so beautful. It takes a strong person to feel grief and joy at the same time. You are my definition of strength. I am praying for you, baby Gavin, and your entire family today and always. (p.s. I love LOVE those photos). Love, Lisa January 7, 2011 6:30 pm

Angie Price:
you are beautiful - both inside and out! xo January 7, 2011 8:00 pm

sarah:
Wow, you are amazing. So inspirational. Thank you for sharing your story. You inspire me. God Bless. January 22, 2011 8:11 pm

You were still asleep, the house was quiet, so I slipped on my running shoes.

I ran and I ran and I ran, and before I knew it, I was there.

The grass was beautiful, covered in dew, as the sun was just breaking it’s way over the horizon.

I sat there and had a good long cry.

I thought about where we were a year ago tonight . . . Blessing our fourth PERFECT son. Surrounded by family, laughter, and so much hope for the future.

It would only be days before we’d find ourselves walking long, lonely hallways in a Pediatric Intensive Care Unit, falling to our knees each moment in fervent prayer. So desperate to keep him with us. So desperate not to say goodbye. So desperate for a miracle.

A year later, I see. . . through misty eyes. . . an entire tapestry of miracles. All woven together in faith, longing, sorrow and joy, into something so beautiful, so pure, so perfect, that I wouldn’t have it any other way.

We.are.surrounded.by.miracles. Aren’t we?

YOU Richie, are the most profound miracle of my life.

Thank you for being with me through this year. Thank you for wiping away my tears. Thank you for lifting me from the dust and inspiring me to carry on, not just to SURVIVE, but to move forward with JOY and determination. Thank you for helping us turn our tragedy into triumph.

Shelly:
Merry Christmas to all my beautiful angels -- here on earth and those who are happily waiting and watching for us to get there. I love you! December 25, 2010 4:15 am

Amie and Mike White:
Mele Kalikimaka dear ones. "All that God is, is around us and within us and eternally asking us to recognize it ... Our security lies in this ability to KNOW truth regardless of conditions and to know love regardless of hurts." Thank you for the living expression of knowing truth and living in a fullness known to very few, though available to all! Your examples are a gift to us this Christmas. Thank you for sharing your you.
Amie and Mike White December 25, 2010 8:51 am

mer:
you and your sweet family are in my heart... thank you for being simply amazing. December 27, 2010 7:57 pm

Ashley:
i blogged about you. thank you for making me appreciate everything i have. One day, one sweet beautiful day you will see both of your galvin's again. December 28, 2010 8:19 am

courtney:
inspiring, as always. my thoughts are with you & yours. December 28, 2010 9:06 am

Suzanna:
You and your family is in my prayers. I have often thought of you this past year and when I did, it reminded me to never take for granted the children in my life. Your life has definitely touched mine even though I will probably never know you for real. God bless you. January 3, 2011 9:44 am