Why Notre Dame Football Won't Produce a Winning Season in 2008

Sorry to break it to you, Notre Dame fans, but just because your 71-year-old pal Lou Holtz said your Fighting Irish were going to win 11 games, you won't.

I'm only 20 years old, but I think I have been around long enough to know that 3-9 football teams don't just make the magical jump to win 11 games the following year.

Jimmy Clausen isn't, and will never be, "The LeBron James of football," as he was touted in high school.

I mean, honestly, deep down in your hearts, you all know that this isn't the year, right? Just because you brought in some five-star recruits doesn't mean Touchdown Jesus will turn all of them into instant NFL players. Last time I checked, Touchdown Jesus wasn't the equivalent of water for my oatmeal.

Head coach Charlie Weis seemed to be "the man" back in the day, but once you guys realized that Notre Dame didn't have Tom Brady under center, even you lost faith in Jabba the Hut.

I hate Holtz with a passion, but his 11-win prediction is absolutely ludicrious on several levels.

For those of you who aren't familiar with your team's schedule this year, Notre Dame will only be playing 12 games.

Correct me if I'm wrong in saying that USC and Pittsburgh are on the schedule. That's right, you might as well circle those both as losses.

I'll even go as far as to say that Notre Dame doesn't stand a chance against the Rich Rodriguez-coached Michigan Wolverines. So what if they lost their starting quarterback, running back, and best offensive lineman? Didn't last year's 38-0 drubbing suck? It's gonna suck even more when Georgia Tech transfer Steven Threet knives through the Irish defense for a stunning win.

I'm willing to give the Irish some credit; I mean, after all, they're not the same team that went 3-9 last year. They should dominate San Diego State, Navy, Purdue, Syracuse, and...no one else. That's four surefire wins, Irish fans.

If I paid proper attention in Mrs. Fry's first-grade math class, that makes seven more wins to live up to Holtz's preseason billing.

North Carolina, despite being known as a basketball-only powerhouse, is being crafted into quite the football program by head coach Butch Davis. The Tar Heels will give you a run for your money this year.

That's not to mention the Irish play Washington. Jake Locker, the Huskies' quarterback, is one of the most underrated in the nation. Have fun tailigating while Locker tears up your D!

If I'm generous enough to give you a "W" against UNC, Stanford (who looked good against Oregon State, might I add), and Boston College (which is crippled by the loss NFL first-rounders Matt Ryan and Gosder Cherilus), you will go 7-5.

I hope you take this article to heart, instead of letting Holtz's nonsense clutter your brains. You are sensible fans, but please believe me, this is not your year!