when life hands you a day in Chicago with nothing to do, and a super ill Rabbi with a car (and a lot of salami) offering to take you and yer lovely wife anywhere, you go movie location sightseeing, right????

I mean, Chicago and its burbs are home to many a John Hughes movies, and if you don’t want to revisit the places where John Hughes movies were shot, you probably should be shot, right???

well, this is the John Hughes driving tour I quickly cobbled together (which MUCH help from this site)…

Collette (Andrea Riseborough)’s got a tough life that’s about to get tougher. Born of an Irish Republican Army friendly family (which tends to happen when yer lil brother gets mistakenly gun downed by British soldiers), Collette is tasked with blowing up a London Underground station, but the plot fails, she’s caught, and then caught with a tough decision to make – be a single mother headed to jail for 25 years or be an agent MI5 and spy on her own family and friends. What to do, what to do?????

James Marsh takes a break from making UMcredible docs/two of my favorite films of the past decade (Man On Wire & Project Nim) to make a serviceable little film about The Troubles during in the 90s (Marsh is SO dang good about evoking specific times and places – see also his Red Riding: In the Year of Our Lord 1980). And just when you thought that they ran out of movie ideas about the IRA, here comes something new that isn’t exactly like all the others flicks that proceeded it. I appreciated that Shadow Dancer focused more on the characters than the movement itself, and the quiet performance by Riseborough shines through because of it. She’s paired with MI5 agent Mac (Clive Owen), who goes above and beyond his duty to protect her, when his agency (headed by Gillian Anderson) may not be as keen to do so

Can Collette trust Mac? Can Mac trust Collette? Can Collette’s IRA brethren trust her? Can you trust that there’ll be a happy ending? Of course not, it’s a tale about Northern Ireland, where happy is about as commonplace as sun is in the forecast

It’s the future, and it’s bad, cause Earth is barren, and the only people left on it are Tom Cruise and Andrea Riseborough (hello again Ms Thang!). Their job is to make sure that all the robot probes are in working order, before they call it quits and head back to the mothership hovering above in space, where Melissa Leo‘s annoying voice barks southern-fried orders at em, sugar. But things get complicated when a spaceship crashes and one of the survivors (Olga Kurylenko) gives Tom Cruise a wicked case of Déjà vu, and a boner. The truth is ultimately revealed (with help of wise-ole/check cashing Morgan Freeman), and it feels like 1238381288 other bad future movie reveals that you’ve already seen before

Director Joseph Kosinski is so good at making the future look cool as sh!t, but not so cool when he tries to pair it with a lukewarm script. Same thing befell his Tron: Legacy, but it’s OK, cause sometimes a bad future looking mighty good is good enuff, and oblivionus to the rest!

That, may, very, well, be, the, most, inviting, invitation, in, the, HISTORY, of, movies, EVER!,!,!,!,! I would give up eating Popeyes & See’s Candies for life to trade places with Tom Cruise in this teeny tiny lil crazy/sexy/cool crazy/beautiful scene/gif. If only life could be A-B repeated like this gif with super hot women that totally want to bang you in a Stanley Kubrick movie with awesome lights illuminating hotness in the foreground and things and stuff in the background!!!!!

If you’ve seen the movie, you know Tom Cruise doesn’t end up going where the rainbow ends cause he has to go upstairs and help revive Sydney Pollack’s ODed hooker whore prostitute lady friend. we all make mistakes in life, but in movies, Tom Cruise should totally be going to where the rainbow ends AND THEN help tackle Sydney Pollack’s hooker whore prostitute issues, AND THEN return to where the rainbow ends, AND THEN make sure it NEVER ENDS!!!

December is a month of endless Oscar-baiting fare, where the movies are bloated, depressing and hard to watch. Christopher McQuarrie‘s Jack Reacher is the antidote to all that stuff, and Jack Reacher is nothing without one of the last movie stars standing, standing tall (even though he’s not so tall) – Tom Cruise. Tom is Jack, a loner, Dottie, a rebel. Whether you can believe that Tom Cruise could pass as a drifter matters very little, cause basically Jack Reacher is a looser Mission: Impossible, which means it’s more fun, and sirprizingly, and most welcomelyer, funnier! What more do you need to know? You don’t, but we’ll go on for a little bit more anywayz

Our movie starts off with a sniper randomly picking off people, but MAYBE THE VICTIMS AREN’T RANDOM?!??!?! The sniper is caught, but MAYBE THE CAUGHT SNIPER ISN’T THE ACTUAL SNIPER?!?!??!? The DA’s office (Richard Jenkins and David Oyelowo, who’s like 2nd second coming of Chiwetel Ejiofor) thinks it’s an open and shut case. The alleged sniper’s lawyer (bouncy Rosamund Pike) thinks so too, but is juss looking for the best possible verdict that isn’t punishable by death. Enter Jack Reacher, the only man who can possibly save the alleged sniper, and maybe save the day too. Guess what, he might juss do all of these things, AND go toe to toe with baddie Werner Herzog (I laughed out loud EVERY time he spoke on screen, partly cause it’s ridiculous, but mostly cause casting Werner Herzog as a bad guy is a stroke of genius and awesomeness and amazingnessness and I couldn’t get over that fact!!!). Robert Duvall pops in towards the end, and his no country for old man old man-ness only adds to the nutty bar fun, cause Robert Duvall characters wouldn’t have it any other way!!!!

But does Tom Cruise run in this movie? A little, but he drives, cause he’s so driven, and the driving is FCUKING OFF THE BAKER’S RACK!!!!!! And there’s punching! And there’s more punching! And gunfights! AND LAUGHTER! And a killer scene where two thugs have a great chance of taking out Cruise, but they keep on taking out each other. OH REACHER!!!! YOU MAKE US WANT TO GIVE YOU A REACH-A-ROUND!!!!!!! Please people, go see this movie, so it does well and they greenlight 12 more of these, cause that’s what the world needs!!! REACHER!!! He should fight Arthur Treacher’s in the sequel, cause they suck!!! TREACHER!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

3 Furious : please, never slow down

Alexia Fast

Jack Reacher reaches out and touches everyone at a theater near jews this Friday

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