The answering machine picks up, and sleepy and confused, we listen. It’s a woman who sounds like she’s in her twenties, drunk and slurring her words:

“Hey, it’s me. I just found out I’m pregnant. So when you get this, call me back.”

On the off-chance that you placed this phone call, please don’t be mad at the intended recipient when he (I’ll just go ahead and assume it’s a “he”) doesn’t call you back. I really would have called you back to let you know if I had any idea who you are.