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Job Creation? Right

With the creation of yet another agency to create or bring jobs to the Funcoast, the Erie County Port Authority, the elected leaders of Erie County have finally created more jobs.

For the people whose jobs are to create jobs.

And you thought only Rumpelstiltskin could spin straw into gold.

No matter what the spin is of this agency, that agency or whatever agency attempting to create or bring jobs here, the one fact spinning in their head they need to remember during their search is, they don’t have to look far to take advantage of what has become one of the top industries in the Funcoast.

Tourism.

Now with Cedar Point, Kalahari and The Deer Park dominating their respective tourism markets the time has come for this, that or whatever job creating agency the county commishes are enamored with this week to determine what different form of entertainment could bring in tourist and more importantly their money.

Once again they can look to Nevada, which gave Ohio the idea of casinos, for yet another form of entertainment to gather tourists and their money here in the Funcoast.

Prostitution.

Only 46 more shopping days until the Jacksonville game,

— Part I. My first instinct after the Browns lost Sunday is to look ahead on the schedule and predict that their next win might not come until Dec. 1 when they play the winless Jaguars at home.

Of course I reserve the right to change that prediction just in case the Browns decide to start a quarterback.

Only 46 more shopping days until the Jacksonville game, Part II — Chances are the fans in Jacksonville are also counting down to the Browns game as the next chance their team has for a victory.

The world’s oldest profession could be the Funcoast’s newest form of revenue if Erie County’s elected John’s, err, commissioners took the initiative to start the legal process to bring what could result in more jobs and money not only for the Funcoast but for the state of Ohio.

Right now the four casinos in the Buckeye State are in a regional competition with neighboring states for customers. Add legal prostitution to the sales pitch and perhaps then we will not only get more commissioners, oops, make that tourist, to visit us from around the region but nationwide also.

With the Funcoast in the middle of the Toledo, Cleveland and Columbus casino triangle, it would not take much for tourists to leave a piece of the action for a piece of….

Ahem, reasonably priced entertainment.

Yes, once everything is set up with the proper health and law procedures in place and the coinciding authorities to enforce them, then the prices the brothels charge could be reasonably regulated at $150 an hour.

Which coincidentally is what Jerry Arkebauer, Erie County’s new Port Authority director, charges an hour. Sort of makes you wonder who is screwing who?

But seriously, just in case those in charge of being in charge in the Funcoast don’t embrace legalizing prostitution and taking a slice of the $180 billion pie the profession generates worldwide, according to HavocScope, don’t fret. I have another idea to bring tourists to Vacationland. In Washington there is no Operation Enduring Freedom or Operation Iraqi Freedom Memorials.

In Washington there is no law that proclaims they have to be in Washington or be part of the National Park Service.

Hello Funcoast!

This agency, that agency or whatever agency that is in charge of creating or bringing jobs to the area could use their corporation connections to buy the land and sponsor the building of the two separate memorial parks.

Could you imagine all the veterans nationwide, including the 2.2 million veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan, visiting a dual memorial dedicated to their fallen brothers in arms here in the Funcoast?

Could you imagine all the jobs locally that would be created or brought here to accommodate the need to accommodate tourists visiting Northern Ohio?

I’m sure there are plenty of American automakers, soda makers, beer makers, etc., who over the years have spent billions sponsoring professional athletes who could gain more attention for their product by spending their advertising dollar paying tribute to the real heroes of the U.S. here in the Funcoast.

I’m sure this agency, that agency or whatever agency that is charge of creating or bringing jobs to the area are now asking why.

Before you ask why — ask why not.

Chuck Hoefert is a Sandusky-based humor columnist. He can be reached at hoefert@hughes.net.

Comments

Darkhorse

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 11:10am

Got to love it. The port authority may turn out to be nothing but a money pit. So far, 57,000 has been given to the port by way to tax dollars from the county, on loan of course, but will the port be able to pay back the county?

Government approval for legal prostitution will take too long, because never is too long. A Prostition Hall of Fame, on the other hand, requires no such approval.

This is a proven concept; it could go in another expediently acquired trailer next to the Ohio Sports Hall of Fame we already have.

And there's plenty of room for a third and similar edifice to house a "Sucker's Hall of Fame" too.

Stop It

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 12:38pm

Good stuff, Chuck. We just need the whores we already have to turn the red light on to know that they are ready to "service", instead of us "servicing" them.

owe4rr

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 4:41pm

Moderators have removed this comment because it contained Off-topic comments and Lengthy excerpts from other websites.

Centauri

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 4:52pm

I will make sure that you get LOTS of SPAM and phone calls.

Centauri

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 3:10pm

I know nothing about this Chuck Hoefert. But I will find out more. Is this supposed to be a comical take on the local news? Is this Chuck Hoefert an honest person who tells what really is? I am going to follow this Chuck Hoefert column.

"With the creation of yet another agency to create or bring jobs to the Funcoast, the Erie County Port Authority, the elected leaders of Erie County have finally created more jobs. For the people whose jobs are to create jobs."

I agree. Yet another waste of tax payer money for duplication of another job creating government agency. The recent sales tax increase in Erie County (OHIO) will probably fund yet another joke. The tax payer needs to get a clue and get very mad. I provide many links. What is sad is that the sheeple refuse to click on the links that I provide . Those links have counters on them. I get a good idea of how many people bother to read the links. Sometimes I feel that I waste my time and efforts posting comments and links for the people of corrupt Erie County, Ohio. That is sad. Perhaps I should stop posting comments here for the people in Erie County, Ohio and give my time and efforts to other parts of the nation. As far as I am concerned, a giant asteroid should hit Ohio in dead center. It would be God's will.

Julie R.

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 9:57pm

Centauri: The ones that don't read the links you provide are more than likely the ones that already know what the links are about, so please keep them coming.

shucks

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:44pm

Yep , keep wasting your time.

Licorice Schtick

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 8:26am

Backing... out of the room... Slowly...

pavedparadise

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 10:57pm

@ Centauri

You have good information on many of your posts.
Have you ever considered writing a letter to the editor for the hard copy of the Register where it will get read by many?

Julie R.

Thu, 10/17/2013 - 3:19am

I agree. Centauri gives out a LOT of good information. Too bad he (or she) doesn't start their own newspaper.

Jason Werling

Wed, 10/16/2013 - 3:19pm

Centauri- Chuck has been writing his column in the Register for years. We just started putting him back up here at the website.