Lessons from 12 first days of school

Sending your child off to school for the first time? A parent who's been through 12 first days of school shares some reflections.Associated Press

Let’s start with a riddle: When is a first day of school also a last?

It is when, after 13 years, your kindergartners are high school seniors and you’re getting ready to send them off for one last first.

Here are some reflections and advice from a veteran of 12 first days of school on this bittersweet occasion.

FIRST-DAY PHOTOS

I take them every year. Sometimes on the front porch, sometimes on the back. Sometimes Christopher is on the left, sometimes he’s on the right. Looking back, the photos are, of course, adorable. But I wish we had picked one location and one pose and replicated it exactly each year. The result would have made for a fantastic flip book.

UNIFORMS

As someone who sent her kids to Catholic school, I have stood on the sidelines, listening to other parents grumble about fights over what’s acceptable to wear and the cost of buying the latest trend.

If your public school mounts a campaign to bring in uniforms, support it. Better yet, start one yourself. I never spent as much money on school clothes as my public-school counterparts did. The quality is better and, best of all, there are no arguments in the morning.

SCHOOL BUSES

I have often worried that my kids missed out on a quintessential school experience: riding the school bus. I have always driven my kids to school. Although they don’t get the interaction with their peers, it has proved to be invaluable parent-child time.

It was in the car on the way to school when second-grader Andrew announced, “Mom, do you realize that at one time, black kids and white kids couldn’t go to the same school? That would mean we wouldn’t have Diane-Marie or Marc Draven in our class. How stupid is that?”

In the car I could be a fly on the wall, listening to my sons’ interactions with each other and with their friends. We all spend a lot of time cursing the amount of time we spend shuttling our kids to and fro. But there’s an upside to it.

READING

Of course, you have to do it when your kids are just learning to read. You’ll agonize with them about sounding out words and using context clues.

But too often, we help our kids master the tools they need to read and then, just when it gets good, just when they are about to discover the magic of reading, we drop it as a shared experience. Read “Harry Potter” or “Narnia” together. Reading can be a family touchstone.

Last year, inspired by a debate about narcissism that stemmed from my sons’ study of “The Great Gatsby,” I went back and reread it. The shared experience unfolded over several dinner table conversations.

When I saw that this year’s reading list includes Cormac McCarthy’s “The Road” and Bernard Malamud’s “The Natural,” I thought that “reading with the kids” has definitely gotten better over the years.

MATH

The only thing worse than helping with math homework is realizing you can no longer help with math homework.