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God punished the world with a massive flood of water. Michael Phelps then punished God with the same flood.

Moses did not part the Red Sea. He walked very close behind Michael Phelps.

There are three types of people in this world. Those who try, those who fail, and god**** Michael Phelps.

Contrary to popular belief, Michael Phelps is not part fish, part merman, etc. He swims so well because he's Michael Mother****ing Phelps.

When Michael Phelps jumps into the water, he doesn't get wet. He breaks a world record.

Jesus did not walk on water; he just hitched a ride on Michael Phelps' back.

Micheal Phelp's opponents do not swim in water, they only swim in their own tears.

Michael Phelps does not get wet. Water gets Michael Phelps.

One day water began falling from the sky while children were having a picnic. One sad child exclaimed "aww man, it's Michael Phelps-ing!"

One time Michael Phelps got in the bathtub and broke a world record for most amount of epic in a body of water.

Michael Phelps trains in a pool filled with the tears of the innocent.

One day Michael Phelps was training in his personal custom pool which just had a mirror installed beside it so he could watch himself be amazing. At the end, he climbed out and immediately destroyed the mirror. Glass was everywhere. When asked why he did this, he responded, "Nobody ties with Michael Phelps. Not even Michael Phelps."

The African governments have begun destroying the entire continent in their quest to dig up enough gold to make Michael Phelps more medals.

Michael Phelps was disqualified from competing in the 1996 Olympics when the IOC determined that running on the surface of the water did not count as “swimming.”

Michael Jordan cannot hold his bowels in The Presence of Michael Phelps.

McDonald’s tried to low-ball Michael Phelps on an endorsement deal for their new chicken sandwich. In response, Phelps willed Ronald McDonald’s heart to stop.

If Michael Phelps were his own country, he'd be ranked 5th in gold medals.

At least once every human should have to run for his life, to teach him that milk does not come from supermarkets, that safety does not come from policemen, that news is not something that happens to other people. ~ Robert Heinlein