WHAT IS BISEXUALITY? WHO IS BISEXUAL?

By Kathy Labriola,
Counselor/Nurse

WHAT IS BISEXUALITY?

There
is a lot of confusion about the concept of bisexuality. Many people are 100%
gay or lesbian, in other words they are sexually and emotionally attracted only
to partners of the same sex.Others are
completely heterosexual, bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with
people of another sex.But what about
everybody else?A significant percentage
of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they
experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of
different genders at some point during their lives.For lack of a better term, they are called
bisexuals. Many people hate this term, for a variety of reasons, and prefer to
call themselves “pansexual,” “non-preferential,” “sexually fluid,”
“ambisexual,” or simply “queer.” This is particularly true for young people
under the age of 40, who consider the term “bisexual” to be outdated and
limiting, and do not identify with this lable at all. Since there is no
consensus on this terminology and no other widely-accepted term has yet
emerged, I will use “bisexual” in this discussion to describe everyone who does
not identify as completely straight or completely gay.

THE
KINSEY SCALE

The
Kinsey scale of zeroto six was
developedby sex researcher and pioneer
Alfred Kinsey (you probably saw the movie about him a few years ago) to
describe sexual orientation as a continuum from zero to six.Heterosexual people are at “zero” on the
scale, gay and Lesbian people are at“six”at the other end of the
scale, and everyone in between, from one to five, is bisexual.People who fall at one or two on the scale
have primarily heterosexualsexual and
affectional relationships and desires, but have some attraction and experiences
with same -sexpartnersas well.People at three on the scale are approximately equally attracted to both
men and women.People at four and five
on the Kinsey scale choose primarily same-sex partners, but are not completely
gay or lesbian and have some heterosexual tendencies and relationships as well.

THE
KLEIN SEXUAL ORIENTATION GRID

Dr.
Fritz Klein was a psychiatrist, researcher, and pioneering bisexualrights advocate who founded the first known
bisexual organization in the worlkd in 1974, called “Bisexual Forum.” He felt
that the Kinsey scale was great but too limiting, so he created the Klein
Sexual Orientation Grid. He expanded on Kinsey's scale ,which only takes into
account sexual attraction and sexual behavior. Klein's Grid measures seven
different factors in sexual orientation:

An additional complication has evolved in
recent years as many people have become more gender-fluid, or have transitioned
from their birth gender to a different gender.The labels heterosexual,gay, lesbian, and bisexual all are based on the
old-fashioned concept that there are only two genders, male and female, and
that whatever gender you are born with is authentic. Many transgender people
are transitioning from male to female, or from female to male, or identify as
“genderqueer” because they do not comfortably fit into either the male or
female gender. Since sexual orientation has always been based on the gender of
your sexual partners, if gender is not a rigid category, labels such as straight,
gay, or even bisexual become much less meaningful or relevant.

WHO IS BISEXUAL?

There is no simple definition of bisexuality,
and bisexual people are a very diverse group.There are several theories about different models of bisexual
behavior.J. R. Little is a psychologist
whose extensive research identified at least 13 types of bisexuality, as
defined by the seven factors on the Klein Grid. They are:

Alternating bisexuals:may have a relationship with a man, and then
after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent
relationship, and many go back to a male partner in the future.

Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same
sex partners only if they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in
jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.

Concurrent relationship
bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only
but have other casual or secondary relationships with people ofanother gender at the same time.

Conditional bisexuals:either straight or gay/lesbian, but will
switch to a relationship with another gender for a specific purpose, such as
young straight males who become gay prostitutes to make money or lesbians who
get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have
children.

Emotional bisexuals:have deeply intimate emotional relationships
with both men and women, but only have sex with one gender.

Integrated bisexuals:have more than one primary relationship at the same
time, one with a man and one with a woman.

Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex
with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or “see what it’s like.”

Hedonistic bisexuals:primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will
sometimes have recreational sex with a different gender purely for sexual
satisfaction.

Recreational bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or
lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol.

Isolated bisexuals:100% straight or gay/lesbian now but has had
at one or more sexual experience with another gender in the past.

Latent bisexuals:completely straight or gay lesbian in
behavior, they have strong desire for sex with another gender but have never
acted on it.

Motivational bisexuals:straight women who have sex with other women
to please their male partner who requests it for his own titillataion.

Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the
process of moving from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from
being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.

While
literally millions of people are bisexual, most keep their sexual orientation
secret, so bisexual people as a group are nearly invisible in society.Gay men and lesbian women have long recognized
the need to join together, create community, and to organize politically.Long years of hard work have led to
significant gains in political and human rights, as well as a visible and
thriving gay and lesbian community.Bisexual people have been much slower to come out of the closet, create
community, and form political and social networks to gain visibility and
political clout.

BETWEEN
TWO WORLDS

Many
bisexual people complain that they feel like outsiders in both the straight and
gay/lesbian worlds. They don’t fit in
anywhere, feeling isolated and confused because they lack any community where
they can find acceptance and role models.Many gay men feel that bisexual men are really gay, that they are just
in denial about being gay.Many straight
men are homophobic and hate and fear both bisexual and gay men, often
victimizing them with harassment and physical violence. Many straight women
reject bisexual men out of misguided fears that they have HIV or other sexually
transmitted infections, and tell them to “stop sitting on the fence” and “make
up your mind.”Bisexual women are often
distrusted by lesbians for “sleeping with the enemy,” hanging onto heterosexual
privileges through relationships with men, and betraying their allegiance to
women.Straight women often reject
bisexual women out of fear they will make sexual overtures and try to “convert”
them to being bisexual.

“TRANSITIONAL”
OR “PATHOLOGICAL” MODELS?

Both
the straight and gay/lesbian communities seem to have only two possible models
of bisexuality, neither of which represents bisexual people accurately.The first is the “transitional model” of
bisexuality, believing that all bisexuals are actually gay or lesbian but are
just on the way to eventually coming out as gay.The other is the “pathological model”, that
bisexuals are neurotic or mentally unstable because they are in conflict trying
to decide whether they are straight or gay/lesbian, and that they just can’t
make a decision.Both models see
bisexuality as a temporary experience or a “phase” born out of confusion rather
than an authentic sexual orientation.Some see bisexuality as inherently subversive because it blurs the
boundaries, confronting both heterosexuals and gay men and lesbian women with
sexual ambiguity.As a result,
bisexuality challenges concepts of sexuality, traditional relationship and
family structures, monogamy, gender, and identity.Bisexuals cannot conform to either the gay or
straight world or they would not be bisexual.Instead they must re-invent personal ethics for themselves, and create
responsible lifestyles and relationships that serve their needs even though
they don’t fit anyone else’s rules.

Being
bisexual is in some ways similar to being bi-racial.Mixed-race persons generally don’t feel
comfortable or accepted by people of either ethnic group, feeling that they
don’t belong or fit in anywhere, as their existence challenges the very concept
of race.Like bisexual people, they
spend most of their lives moving between two communities that don’t really
understand or accept them.Like biracial
people, bisexual people must struggle to invent their own identities to
correspond to their own experience.Forming a bisexual identity helps bisexual people to make sense of and
give meaning and definition to their reality.

STAGES OF BISEXUALIDENTITY

Dr.
Mary Bradford is a psychologist and author of The Bisexual Experience:
Living in a DichotomousCulture. Her ground-breaking research
identified at least four steps or stages that bisexuals go through to fully
acknowledge and become comfortable with their identities as bisexuals.

1.
Confusion over sexual orientation.

Most
bisexual people start out feeling very confused about their attraction towards
people of both sexes, wondering“Is
something wrong with me?”Some spend their entire lives in this stage, hiding
their sexual orientation, feeling isolated and alone with the inner turmoil
over their “dual attractions.”Many go
through life identifying as straight, or as gay or lesbian in order to be
accepted and fit in.Because their own
experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense pressure to
choose one and identify with it.Without
any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or
community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient
self-confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually
transcend this stage.People in their
teen's and 20's are now able to move through this phase much more quickly
because openly bisexual adults have become much more common in recent years. As
a result, these young people have more role models and feel more comfortable
with their sexual orientation.

2.
Discovery of the bisexual label and
choosing to identify as bisexual.

Most
bisexual people say that discovering the label “bisexual” was pivotal in
understanding and accepting their sexual orientation.Most experience relief when they hear the
word “bisexual” for the first time, because they finally have a word that
mirrors their experience and feelings.For some, the negative stereotypes of bisexuals as “promiscuous,”
neurotic, or vectors of AIDS, prevent them from identifying with the label or
claiming it for themselves, but many agree that it comes closer than any other
term to describing their lives.Instead
of rejecting the label, many invent their own definition and create bisexual
lifestyles that fit their individual lives. Ironically, younger bisexuals seem
most contemptuous of the label “bisexual,” as it seems very quaint, dated, and
irrelevant to them. Some use the more general term “queer” to describe their
orientation. And because many younger people are more gender-fluid or have
transitioned from one gender to another, many do not apply any labelto their sexual orientation.

3.
Settling into and maintaining a bisexual
identity.

For
many, this step is the most difficult. While they feel good about being
bisexual, they experience extreme conflict living in the real world as
bisexual.Many discover it is not
acceptable to talk about their bisexuality in most circles, especially in their
work lives and in their family lives. Often rejected by family members,
friends, and co-workers, even spouses or potential partners because they are
bisexual, they find that to develop and maintain a bisexual identity requires
inner strength, self-reliance, and confidence.Many overcome these obstacles by forming their own community and finding
accepting friends and lovers.

4.
Transforming adversity.

For
most bisexuals, coming out and staying out of the closet is an on-going process
which must be repeated with every new social situation, workplace, friend, or
lover.Many see this process as the most
important form of political action, creating visible role models and a cohesive
bisexual community.Because most
bisexuals have suffered through the first three stages alone and in silence,
they want to make it easier for other bisexuals to recognize and embrace their
sexual orientation without years of turmoil and loneliness.Many also get involved in bisexual political
organizations as a way to increase bisexual visibility and promote bisexuality
as a viable identity.Just as gay men
and lesbians were only able to win some rights through organizing and being visible
in both the social and political arenas, bisexuals will only win acceptance
through coming out of the closet and living their lives openly.

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?

Are
you struggling with ambivalence or confusion over your sexual orientation? Are
you seeking community to share your developing identity with others?If so, reach out for support now.Check out some of the many bisexual
organizations and support groups that now exist, to find a safe place to
express your feelings and meet others who are going through similar experiences.The Internet has a wealth of information on
bisexuality, with articles, organizations, on-line groups, etc. One to one
counseling or therapy can also be helpful in sorting out feelings and gaining
clarity and self-confidence.Be careful
to seek out a non-judgmental therapist who is supportive of bisexuality and has
expertise in bisexual issues.And
joining bisexual social or political groups is also a great way to see visible
role models and to allow your bisexual identity to evolve in a way that fits
you.And last, but certainly not least,
there are now many excellent books on bisexuality which may help you understand
and fully embrace your sexual orientation.