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So, Charlie turned around to me today and said "I wanna be a nun". Well how was I supposed to respond to this? I said "Ok... Do you believe in God?". Her response was this "No, will that be a problem?" and so, in conclusion, we created our own religion... Care to join?

Monday, 19 October 2009

The Story of David (aka James Moran, aka the artist formally known as Samson) and Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd)

Back in the day, there was huge fighting going on between the Israelites (aka The BBC) and the Philistines(aka ITV). Samson (aka James Moran) decided to change his name to David and with his beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns) by his side, life was good. Delilah (aka Joe Lidster) still hung around with them sometimes, but he was pretty busy these days writing things, including marvelous adventures for a certain ex-companion of a man called The Doctor. Anyway, one day David (aka James Moran, aka the artist formally known as Samson) and his beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns), were walking through the streets when they bumped into a man in a large costume. He called himself Goliath (aka Paul Kasey). Now, Goliath (aka Paul Kasey) was a nice guy, but today he was really getting into character so he was bullying people and marching about. Confused, David (aka James Moran) confronted him. Goliath (aka Paul Kasey) was not too happy about his method acting being disturbed, and so he pushed David (aka James Moran) to the floor. David (aka James Moran) was not too happy about this, so he pushed him back. Then he realised that a story he'd read earlier was right and that if someone is going around bullying people, 90% of the time, they will have a thorn in their foot.. He helped Goliath (aka Paul Kasey) to get the thorn out of his foot and was declared king by the Israelites (aka The BBC).

Now, today's story doesn't end there, because David (aka James Moran) and his beautiful gem (aka Jodie Kearns) became King and Queen because they kick ass. After they decided that they were bored of being royalty, because frankly, there was no peace to zombie hunt and get drunk, Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) became king. When he became king, Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) was a little scared. He wasn't sure he could be a good king, so God (aka RTD) decided to grant him a wish. He appeared to Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd), and said "Hey Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd), I see you seem a little aprehensive about being king, don't worry, I'll help.". Then Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) turned to God (aka RTD) and thanked him before saying "I just wish to be a wise ruler". God (aka RTD) did not, however, have the power to help Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) in this way, for he had decided not to go into people's minds and expand them. Instead, he gave him a super computer known as Mr Smith.

Now Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) and Mr Smith, got along very well. However, one day, two mothers came to Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd). Each carried a baby. The first woman's baby was dead. The second woman's was alive. Each woman claimed the living baby as her own. Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) did not know what to do, so he approached Mr Smith, who had made himself appear off. Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) pressed a button upon his key pad and Mr Smith awoke."Sorry to wake you, Mr Smith" Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) said"Oh you didn't wake me Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd)" Mr Smith told him."Oh? What were you doing?" Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) asked, curiously"I was on a date with Torchwood's computer" Mr Smith replied, a slightly embarrassed tone to his voice. It's not many computers who go on dates but Mr Smith and Torchwood's Computer are clearly superior to the average computer. Anyway, Solomon (aka Gareth David-Lloyd) told Mr Smith his problem. Mr Smith thought about it for a while, before telling him what to do. To cut a long story short, the first woman got the baby, the second woman got a pie, and Mr Smith got a third date with Torchwood's Computer.