Friday, November 15, 2013

BSNYC Friday No Quiz For You, Instead You Get Sloppy Seconds!

The post was commented upon, "Tweeted," and so forth by a fairly sizable number of people, and here and there readers asked whether I'd sent it to the Times.

I never do that, mostly because if something's on my mind I can just type it right into this blog with as many obscenities as I wish and then press "Publish." Sure, this blog has only a tiny fraction of the readership and respectability of the Times, but whether something is published here or there it also ultimately winds up on the same Internet. It's sort of like pissing in the shower instead of the toilet: "It's all pipes!," as George Costanza once pointed out. So really, why bother getting out of the shower in order to submit something to the Times when it all ends up contaminating the same water table?

(For the record, I don't actually piss in the shower because I'm extremely uptight. It's just a metaphor.)

Also, two years ago, the Wall Street Journal asked me to write something about bike lanes for them. So I submitted this--which they ultimately declined to print. Instead, they published a bike-baiting piece of shit by P.J. O'Rourke in its place.

There's a peculiar notion that, if you ride a bike without wearing a helmet, whatever happens to you is your fault.

"It's unclear whether the victim was wearing a helmet," the local news report will offer uselessly--unclear, most likely, because after the SUV driver ran the light the cyclist's head rolled away and has yet to be found.

Go ahead, judge cyclists and the helmetless all you want, but you should know that the forces of smugness and victim-blaming are coming for you too, even if the only vehicle you ride is the heel-toe express. Yesterday, the website Streetsblog.org reported the appearance of a flyer in the 78th Precinct in Brooklyn, posted by the NYPD and issued by 1 Police Plaza. The title of the flyer was "SAFETY TIPS FOR PEDESTRIAN [sic]," and the advice ranged from somewhat sensible to completely ludicrous, the three most egregious examples of the latter being these informational nuggets:

--Hold your hand up or do whatever it takes to make yourself more visible to drivers.--Avoid walking in the dark and during bad weather such as snow, ice, rain or fog.--Wear light or bright-colored or reflective clothing, especially if you walk at night. Use a flashlight if you walk at night.

Really, it's come to this? We're supposed to walk around New York City carrying flashlights like it's a KOA and we're venturing out of our tents to relieve ourselves in the bear-infested woods? Remember Woody Allen in "Annie Hall," perambulating in Manhattan and lamenting that the only redeeming quality of Los Angeles was "being able to make a right turn on a red light"? Now picture him that evening, wearing a reflective vest and waving a flashlight as he does jumping jacks while attempting to cross 5th Avenue--assuming it's not raining, of course, in which case he'd be well advised to avoid walking altogether.

Good thing it never rains here.

As New Yorkers, we love to lament the changes this city is constantly undergoing. You know the refrain: Brooklyn is the new Manhattan, Manhattan is the new Dubai. Nanny Bloomberg raised our rents, riddled the city with bike lanes, and tried to take away our big sodas. The whole city is becoming a soulless shopping mall, a tony suburb of Yonkers. And so forth.

Hey, we all knew this couldn't stay the greatest city in the world forever, but who knew after all we've been through it would end with the NYPD ordering us to surrender completely to cars by effectively dressing like traffic cones should we dare to step out at night? The "SAFETY TIPS FOR PEDESTRIAN" flyer is a response to "an increase in fatalities of pedestrians in New York City." However, to my knowledge, the NYPD did not issue a similar warning to motorists. A flyer called "SAFETY TIPS FOR DRIVER" placed under every windshield wiper, while no doubt worthless, might have at least been a start. (Tip #1: Avoid driving in the dark and during bad weather.) Instead, we're all supposed to go around jumping and waving our lights like a bunch of ravers on Ecstacy. (Albeit ravers on Ecstacy who still have the presence of mind to scrupulously adhere to traffic signals).

If you're not horrified that the police force in the largest city in America (and one of the few where people still walk) is recommending that its citizens dress like highway construction crews and carry flashlights like every day is Superstorm Sandy, you should be. The 78th Precinct, where this flyer was spotted, encompasses Park Slope, and as amusing as it is to imagine the local yuppies showing up at al di la dressed like Dynamo from "The Running Man," phosphorescent and in constant fear of drivers from Jersey is no way to go through life. It should also be noted that the 78th is Bill de Blasio's home precinct, and while he campaigned in part on "Vision Zero," a plan to reduce traffic fatalities to zero in 10 years, in the meantime he's still angsting over possibly having to give up driving his teenage son two miles to school. Given all this, I'd love to hear what he thinks of "Vision Wave-Your-Flashlight-In-Desperation-On-The-Way-To-Duane-Reade."

So if you've been waiting for a good time to join the growing number of people who are outraged over the culture of reckless driving and victim-blaming in this city, now would be a good time--unless you fancy walking around town lit up like a human Hanukkah bush. And let's hold di Blasio to this Vision Zero thing, because at this rate in 20 years you'll be reading news stories about how "the victim wasn't carrying a lightsaber."

In the meantime, sunset is at 4:38pm today. Don't forget your flashlight.

First, congrats McFly on the early podiums. May you be blessed with 77 podium girls.

Holy Cow! The death penguins are out early! Whenever I feel bad about the lack of cycling infrastructure here, people shouting and throwing stuff at me, and the occasional vehicle buzz, I can always ride my bike, read BSNYC, and immediately run outside and kiss some sweet home Alabama scranus. At least they aren't killing us.

So vehicular MANslaughter only defines "man" as another human that also happens to be in a car. Shouldn't it be anyone killed by someone driving a car? That seems like a given to me. So if I shoot someone that doesn't also have a gun I'm not killing an equal so I don't get in trouble right? Here's looking at you Florida...

You miss the point of a NYTimes op-ed. It is to attract as much rage and ire as possible, so as to get angry bloggers to link to it and bring more eyeballs to look at those ads. If you want to get published in the NYTimes, you need to write something that will genuinely piss off the motorists.

Enjoyed the Op Ed Snob. You should try writing one sometime that you seriously want them to publish. You know, the formula where you use the first paragraph to identify with and lull them into thinking you're one of "them"? Not that I care, mind you since I no longer read NYT and never read WSJ. I'd only see it here and it would be a somewhat less enjoyable read, like a step beyond your toned down Bicycling columns. So yeah, never mind. As you were.

that's my revenge fantasy every day. if ever i'm hit by a car, i hope to be able to stand up and beat the day out of the driver. but it's only a fantasy. you never know what the adrenaline does to you.

Snobby, welcome to the failed press. You likely threatened their competence at writing. I doubt that journalists and editors who got their chops in a cozy classroom instead of beating the streets will ever have the sense of moral outrage that up-from-the-ranks reporters once had. Welcome to the well purchased and insulated press.

Sure, cabby Faysal Himons won't face criminal charges for trying to kill a bike messenger and severing that nice lady's left off, but he still might face a summons for filling out the wrong paperwork for his cab! He might have to fill out all that cabbie paperwork again, which I think we can all agree is cruel and unusual punishment.

Funny that the times doesn't want your piece which actually touches on an important issue (if you think getting murdered by a car is important) but they publish that completely inane Delia Ephron piece on the color blue? Fuck the fucking New York Times.

Who is the dood walking behind Robs Blobs in #3 and why is he wearing drapes?

Don Cherry, Hockey announcer and repeated and head trauma survivor. He wore the blazer in pink because of his best buddy's 2010 victory over the "pinko leftists", to which he ended his speech at the inauguration of Robs Fords with, "put that in yer pipes and smoke it, you lefty kooks".

As messed up as that police flyer is (and it does call for a parody directed at drivers) I am still in shock from the news from London in yesterday's post. 4 dead in one week. That is just hard to absorb. And almost all were killed by Lorries (and other weird sounding vehicles straight from Thomas the Tank Engine - RIP George Carlin).

Media properties like the NYT know exactly what they are doing and do it better than the Snob. It's not about informing, it's about attracting a really big and faithful audience. Which they do, sort of, for now.

They incite fear of just about everything. It is safe to go to work in a car, then return home in a car. It is not safe to walk or have a public life. That is what terrorists do.

If you don't own a car, then something is wrong with you. It's a sad case when you don't have a driver for your car. That's because you made bad choices though.

Uh...ObSnay, there's a issmelling-spay in the torial-yay edi-way: "ecstacy" should read, "ecstasy." See, the first one is just, "stacy" with, "ec" in front of it. Not so good. The second one makes people think that it's cool to go to raves wearing a pacifier around their neck, which is never, never, never, okay. Now sneak back in while everybody is gawking at the Princess Leia Pillow Fight (thanks, McFly, for the timely diversion) and fix it before someone spots it. The Spelling Fascists are everywhere!

I got swiped by a car early last evening at the intersection of Tompkins and Myrtle. I was getting to top of the hill very near the intersection the light turned to green. I continued on my way but should have been more aware THAT A CAR WAS GOING TO FUCKING RUN THE LIGHT. Because that's exactly what happened -- he must have been accelerating as the light turned from yellow to red, and clipped my front wheel as he sped on through.

Sent me to the pavement, fucked up my leg (twisted knee, it will be fine) and slightly tacoed the wheel. And yes, he kept on going.

3. Cab speeding up to go thru light that had already changed to red in Brooklyn. Missed me; I was just rolling into the intersection with the light.

4. PA license plates on car in mid-town about 10 inches off my shoulder at about 20 mph. Not great, but not that big a deal.

These are typical interactions in any crowded city. We experience them everyday. I try to take a live and let live view because nothing and no one is perfect.

But jumping sidewalks at a high rate of speed? Yes, that is a big f-ing deal. Runninng over kids in crosswalks? Again, a big f-ing deal. Plowing into a "scary" cyclist and carrying him on your hood down a city block before severing a bystander's leg? How is that not a criminally negligent act at best?

I wonder how our new mayor's vision zero vision will play out when it encounters resistance from the taxi fleet owners' lobby -- whose financial support he enjoyed while championing their issues as Public Advocate.

Sigh. Ride safe all.

Especially when it feels like you have a case of unrequited live and let live.

Thanks for your kind thoughts. A few bystanders called 911 yesterday I heard someone tell the dispatcher that it was a hit and run; I should have waited with the sympathetic witnesses for the police to arrive. But I was all pumped up with adrenaline, happy to be in decent shape, and late to meet my wife. So I jumped back on the bike and kept going.

I should stop at the 79th Precinct on my way home today to report it though.

Leroy, your #3 was my scenario, plus just about a half second on the bad luck side!

As I see any one of the dozen or so drivers rolling or speeding through a red light as I proceed through the green light in any given day, I've developed a habit of pointing upward at the red light that they're driving through as they see me 5-10 feet away.

My guess is they either: a) don't care, or b) think that I'm pointing to the Met Life blimp that they should check out.

RE: the decision to not charge the cab driver. On the bright side, we now know, witness statements and surveillance video evidence be damned, that it is okay to attempt to kill a cyclist with your car because you are angry at him/her. Moreover, it is okay to maim and/or kill pedestrians in the process trying to kill cyclists. I, for one, am glad that we have now cleared that up.

On a related note, I would bet that gun sales among hitmen are going to plummet. I.e., why bother shooting someone with a gun when you can just run them down with your car and then say that your foot slipped. "No criminality suspected."

NYTimes is for people outside the city. In New York very few read it.It is not considered much more than the NY POST. Just different readers. More dollars but same IQ. The real audience of the NYTimes is suburban. Like the suburban writers on staff.Out of touch, bleached and dated. With enough makeup to look young. But only fools you if you are far away. The writers are all from out of State/Town and write articles for people out of state. Don't blame anybody that lives far away for reading it.

However... I miss riding a bike in NY ten years ago.Cars were actually much more careful not to hit you. Everything changed when kids started riding fixed gears. Lame attitude and poor riding skills. Be on a bicycle does not automatically make you a better person than the asshole on the bwm or suv. You are the same person. Everyday I see people that I am glad they actually ride a bike instead than a car. Inept and arrogant. It is time to stop the contraposition between car drivers and people riding bikes. There are assholes on both parties with a significant higher percentage on the two wheel side. All the press regarding car vs bike, makes the drivers more comfortable to consider bikes like other vehicles. And makes them more comfortable cutting you off etc. since it is on the press everywhere and it is not big deal.

This is funny, I had no idea who Don Cherry was and I totally misunderstood the joke to be Fords getting all sassy, sashaying into the room (look at him) with a fabulous gay guy and saying to lefty kooks who called him homophobic, "Put THAT in your pipes."

That of course would be too cool for Fords, who never did anything clever, ever.

Everyone down here in Canada's lovely shaved mons pubis is having a good laugh at Fords. All the news outlets have picked it up. It's very entertaining. Also I notice every single soundbite or clip makes sure to include at least one word like "oot," "withoot" "aboot" etc.

You now have a pretty good profile in the world of bicycle cycling with bikes (smell kool aid here for example) but you're now talking about something serious....this isn't about aerospokes any more, it's people's lives. You have a gift. You are as erudite and funny as we commenters are not. You can use this gift to preach not to the choir but to the cunts. Please. WCRM.Think of a way with your head-thinking-brain. Preach to the cunts. Not us. We are already cunts.

Wow, so many folks down on the NYT. FWIW, its so far ahead of the Seattle Times that we take it once a week. Seattle Times can't even do spelling or grammar anymore. I had to draw the line and that was it. The death of the adverb was the end of my subscription.

The response to drivers killing bikes is yet one more indication of a culture that does not give a scheiss for anything more than a millimeter outside its own self absorbed existince. Farewell civic virtue, farewell the public weal.

...a culture that does not give a scheiss for anything more than a millimeter outside its own self absorbed existence... YES!! EXACTLY!! LIKE US!! Help us to transcend ourselves WCRM and save some of us while you do it.....

One NYT fixture who rides his bike daily is the legendary photographer Bill Cunningham. I often see him plying his trade not far from where I work. He photographs fashionable folk, then gets on his bike ( a Linus, I think, or maybe a Biria) and rides slowly, steadily on his way. Maybe he comments on this page. The Old Gray Lady is senile for not asking him for an op-ed piece on all city cycling matters.

I think an oft ignored facet of bicycles vs. cars is the field of vision argument.

A cyclist has an unobstructed 360 degree view of all of his/ her surroundings. No window pillars, no seat head rests and no 6-10 foot long hood in the front that makes seeing up and down an intersection next to impossible without creeping 3-4 feet into it. No dirty windshields susceptible to glare.

Furthermore, modern cars have actually made this even worse. Look at the average car today, the door panels pratically come up to most people's earlobes, and there is much less glass and field of vision than there used to be - oh except for the mammoth moon roofs.

I think we should mandate that everyone needs to drive convertibles with the top down all year long. This will also keep speeding under control, especially in the winter and during inclement weather.

Sigh... the constant war being waged on the roads is so depressing. Happy to hear you walked away from that little bit of ugly, dnk. I had a day like yours on the roads, Leroy. Drivers here lose the ability to see cyclists as soon as it starts to rain.

Three days ago I was on a ride and pulled up and STOPPED at a four way stop sign intersection. Waited for the car on my right to go, there was no car on the left, and then started into the intersection. I got just about to the middle of the intersection when up comes a big black Honda SUV on the right, goes right through the stop sign while turning right AND, BEST OF ALL, while talking on a cell phone. Here in NYS the cell phone infraction will cost you a whopping $150.00. Why a next to nothing fine for driving while using a cell phone? Because our legislature is the bought and paid for puppets of the telecommunications companies.

Pouring fucking rain tonight. Made it home alive. I own a car. Why am I bicycle-cycling again if I have to be grateful to be alive? Oh yeah; why live if you don't feel alive? Don't worry Mr. Bus Driver; most people don't get it. Your job is safe.

Uptown, Downtown, his old bike--a blue townie Ross, I believe--matched his coat's color.Now, he"s on a shiny new black bike with a big brown saddle. As slow as he rides...the knit beanie he wears is just as good.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep during the week, I take the pre-sunrise train with my bike and ride it the 16 miles home. Did this yesterday, and word got out among co-workers.

They were incredulous. They reacted like I'd just done cartwheels across the Grand Canyon on a tightrope. Which is probably safer, though you're what, 4x more likely to die of heart disease than getting killed on the bike? I think.

Sure, there are plenty of WTF?!!?? moments, but that ride home is like hitting the RESET button on my sanity. I hope DiBlasio watches bike porn from The Netherlands.

I gave a guy a ride last night that lost his license because he crossed the center line in 2011 and killed a woman from Michgan. He had never even had a ticket but got charged with vehicular homicide and is paying the price everyday. He did not do any time but is on house arrest. Y'all got some f--ked up systems up there in the NYC. I realize this was a vehicle on vehicle crash but he would have been in deep shit been it a pedistrian or a cyclist around here.

Thanks for these inspirational words! Wow, that totally read like spam.

Bah. Ok. It fucking sucks that the times didn't pick this up, it was an excellent write up and their loss. Let's make noise and get it published in some other respectable publication. Like the Post! ;-)

I've enjoyed your blog these last few years. However, I can't help but notice that the quality has become inconsistent lately. I'm guessing you're getting bored. Your post on 11/8 was brilliant; the one from 11/15 is the worst one ever. I suggest you do one of the following:

a.) Stop phoning it in; or b.) Admit that you're not into this blogging thing any more and just stop.

For years bicycle cyclists have wondered if they were too nice. Perhaps if they beat on offending cars with their locks and chains it might help. But you have inadvertently come up with the perfect response: skunks. Perhaps if urban bicycle cyclists carried a skunk around in a skunk carrier - and lobbed the vermin at careless drivers - bicycle cyclists might be taken seriously.

After 10 miles of LBL MTBing I am wondering if any manufacturers are currently working on a leaf-specific mountain bike. Ideally with RRR and ALST. (Reduced Rolling Resistance and Auto-Leaf Shedding Technology)

@babble- babble-Appreciate your concern. It's windy as hell and some folks have taken a beating.Went for a ride around noon, going West was like swimming, and East was like flying! The special friend was AWOL,so it was cigars and whiskey with the boys.

Thanks for the tips. Usually, I do not post on blogs, but I wish to say that this post really forced me to do so! Thanks, incredibly nice article. Thank you lots, I am obliged to announce that your blog is excellent!effort to help you to find New York City Apartment Rentals No Fee.Wow so nice! I like this site. Keep it working every day.

And I don't think you really know whut "Sloppy Seconds" means. I grew up in a trailer park so email me and I will explain.

Every once and a while some asshole would not pull out but for the most part we honored the willing participant by keeping the furrow "unsown", as it were. One of those tricks married the mayor. Life is funny.

McFly, you mount a gas-powered blower on the front bars that blows the leaves from in front of the front wheel. Blowing air forward slows you down a bit, so mount another blower facing backward to offset that force. Enjoy.

I made a trail in the city park using a 6.5 horse 22" big wheel self-propelled. Made one pass on high then another in scalp mode. It worked pretty dang good. We had already been thru and cleared all the logs and junk. Which helped. There was 2 LARPing knights with a princess in a purple dress performing some kind of ritual last time I rode there. Hey whatever blows your hair back.

Princess Purple said...Last weekend, I was out in the 30-acre wood performing the sword polishing ritual and some crazy loon came rumbling through the woods on a riding lawnmower. Whatever, gets you off, I guess.

I rode a bike just before the massive tornado hit Edmonton in 1987, and was shocked to discover that it is actually possible for a sky to be green, purple, and boiling all at the same time. THAT's one kind of storm I'd rather not mess with ever again, thank you very kindly, what with hail the size of softballs and winds that flatten five city blocks at a blow. Yuck.

But tornadoes in November? Really? I always figured that was a spring/summer kind of thing...

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About Me

While I love cycling and embrace it in all its forms, I'm also extremely critical. So I present to you my venting for your amusement and betterment. No offense meant to the critiqued. Always keep riding!