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Monday, February 24, 2014

No More Yellin' Mama

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I grew up in a “yelling” family.
(Don’t get me wrong, my family is great and I love them all dearly but we are a
loud bunch.) As I grew up I vowed to NEVER yell at my kids. I had visions of
perfectly behaved toddlers and me as a sweet, patient, soft-spoken “mother of
the year type”. Flash forward 20 years and I am now THAT mom – the one who
sometimes yells.

Please don’t misunderstand, I
love my daughters to pieces and most
of the time they are very well behaved – rather rambunctious, but behaved. And
NO – there is NO verbal abuse going on behind closed doors at the Collins
household, but I admit, at times, I yell. And yes, they have pointed it out to
me and I have shamefully apologized and said, “Mommy will not yell like that
anymore” only to do it the next time things get a bit too chaotic and I feel a
bit too overwhelmed.

You see, this yelling thing – has
a lot more to do with me and a lot less to do with them. I yell because I get
frustrated (yes, maybe they are misbehaving, being disrespectful or fighting with
one another) but what exactly am I teaching them by losing my cool and blowing
up at them? I’m telling them – “this is how you act when you get mad.” “No, you
may not hit your sister or tell me a lie, but feel free to rant and rave like a
lunatic when things don’t go your way.” And what’s even worse – when I yell at
them for yelling at me or one another!!

“A fool
gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly

holds it back.” Proverbs
29:11

I don’t know about you but this
whole yelling thing takes on a totally different face when we are in public. If
we are the grocery store and Nevaeh asks for the same candy for the 5th
time after 4 previous NOs – my discipline in the store looks a lot different
from my discipline when we finally get to the car. Inside the car – and away
from the judgemental eye of strangers – I unleash 30 minutes of grocery store
angst. (Grocery shopping is bad enough without adding an unruly child into the
mix.) But you know what? God is watching and there is an innocent soul within
that 7 year old body in my backseat that is being crushed. Is the audience of
strangers witnessing this spectacle more important than my children? Am I more
worried about the judging eye of my fellow man rather than the judgement of
Almighty God? Who am I trying to please here?

I want to live a life so that my
children “rise up and called me blessed” – I strive to be more like the
Proverbs 31 woman daily (failing all too frequently). At the ages of 7 and 4,
they have already created memories they will carry for a life time. I don’t
want my red, yelling face to be one of them – so I must work diligently to
repair that image before it becomes the THE only image of their childhood.

“Whoever guards his mouth preserves his
life; he who opens

wide his lips comes to ruin.” –
Proverbs 13:3.

We will get angry, annoyed and
frustrated. This road of motherhood isn’t easy. But we must develop
self-control and learn to react differently. If you must take a mommy time-out,
do it. Go into another room and say a prayer asking God to help you respond
with gentleness. Discipline is needed – and a requirement if we are going to
train our children up in the ways of the Lord – but I don’t think anyone will
argue with the notion that yelling is not discipline.

It isn’t easy to change behaviors
that have been instilled into you since your own childhood. But it is possible.
I’m a work in progress – but studying what God’s word has to say about anger
and self-control and many, many prayers asking for strength and wisdom has helped
me see fruit in my own life. I still have yelling moments, but they are on the
decrease for sure!!

"...I will strengthen you and help you; I will
uphold you with my

righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10

Have you been there? What do you
do to blow off steam so you don’t blow up at your kids?

3 comments:

Thank you for this post, I feel the same way and loved reading the scripture within this. Last night as I tucked my 5 year old in bed we were talking about forgiving sin and what that was like and I used the example of me yelling at his sister as something I needed to ask for forgiveness for. We talked about how that made him feel bad in his heart and he knew it was wrong. I asked him if I yelled too much and he simply said, " not anymore mommy, you love us more now". I have prayed and prayed about it and it's working. I noticed today looking back too that I don't as much anymore! I am so excited, Good Morning Girls has made an impact on me for sure.