Saturday, June 18, 2011

If you haven't heard...

Its amazing to think how quickly our lives can change and lead us where we never imagined. I feel that this has always been how my life has played out. Proof, the last two weeks for Jared and I have been hectic to say the least. But we are so grateful for this opportunity to adopt a beautiful baby girl. Most of the time I have felt like I'm just passing through this experience and I haven't had much time to think. I've wrapped myself up in the preparations and not left much time to think. I believe its better that way for me. If I just do and not think then maybe I'll be able to handle the situation that is before me. My emotions have been raw and uncontrollable (I am usually really good at controlling them). I didn't think I had any tears left in me. I've cried over so many things the last two weeks. Excitement, worry, exhaustion, stress, anxiety, COMMERCIALS! Seriously?!

I am here to give an update.

Mother's Day 2011 was the worst day of my life. Mother's Day for the past 5 years have always been difficult but this year seemed to be the worst. Without realizing it, I believe I was close to my breaking point. Just waiting for that last straw to fall. When my baby sister announced she was having grandchild #7 I had a rush of emotions. I was devastated. Isn't it the natural order of things to have kids before your younger siblings do? Well, not in my case. And I'm sure that's not the case in many situations but that's part of what I was going through. I thought I'd prepared myself for when the moment came. I knew that it would happen eventually. I guess I was wrong. Needless to say I was a mess for a few weeks. Literally depressed. And I do not use that word lightly. It bothers me when people do. I can't express how thankful I am to have Jared. He is always there to make me laugh and pull me out of my rut.

The day after Mother's Day Jared called The Adoption Center of Choice (ACC) to see about signing up with them. We were currently already signed up with LDS Family Services but no bites yet. Our case worker emailed us some information to fill out and within 3 weeks he called and asked if he could show us to a birth mother. This was the Thursday before Memorial weekend. Of course we said yes and he emailed her our profile (along with a few others) the next day. We went camping that weekend and I tried to keep myself distracted on other things but this mother-to-be was always in the back of my mind. Tuesday came and went with no news. Wednesday came and I got the best news of my life. Our case worker called me at 10:20 am to tell me that the birth mother had picked us and that she felt like she was going into labor (false alarm). He talked about a few other things but I don't remember at all. My mind was stuck on "She selected you and Jared!"

So the last two weeks have pretty much all mushed together and became all one big long day. I've been busy cleaning out my office for the baby room. Washing/drying, folding and organizing baby clothes. (Thanks Heather for helping me).

Her due date came and went and still no baby. She was scheduled to be induced on Wednesday the 15th but at her checkup the doctor did not feel comfortable with starting her. We found this out on our drive. We were half way between Denver and Colorado Springs. There was no way we were going to turn around and go home.

The current plan is to scrape her membranes (separate the sac from the uterine wall) on Sunday and if that does not trigger the labor then he will induce her on Monday. So that's where we are at. Hanging out in our hotel in Colorado Springs waiting for this unborn child (who has no name yet). We've been able to see a few new places. Colorado Springs is really a beautiful place.

Candace! I am SOOOO HAPPY for you!! That is so wonderful! You guys will be fantastic parents! And little girls are SO FUN! You have been such an inspiration & I really love reading your blog... having gone through a few of the same emotions over the years on a different scale... It is comforting to realize there are others who understand and I think it is great that you can share your experiences with others. I really have been thinking about you lately & we should catch up sometime once life slows down after the new baby!!! YEAH!! I am SO EXCITED! That is the best news ever!! Keep us updated!

We just love you guys so much! We have been thinking about you a lot since you left on Wednesday. In fact, every day Joey has come home from work and said, "Have you heard anything from Candace and Jared today?" I hope you're enjoying your time together. Once that beautiful baby comes you'll get less and less alone time. Trust me, I know! In fact I've brought my chaos to your house several times! I will keep praying for you. Hang in there! I'm sure the anticipation is killing you. She's almost here!

It's always good to hear more news. It would be fun for her and Jared if she could be born on Father's Day, but the next day is fine too. We are anxiously waiting to hear more. Hang in there and we love you both! Jeri

I am so happy for you guys! I started crying when I read your great news! You two are such a cute, loving couple that I can see why this birth mom chose you two. So excited and I can't wait to meet her!