“Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.”

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It’s been a whirlpool of chaos and going back and forth,
It made me learn to appreciate the little things in life.
While I’ve always been a coffee aficianado, it was that cup of tea made by mum that lifted my spirits.
Waiting for that one snap all day long of the beloved cats to annoying the hell out of my sister.
From countless sleepless nights spent overthinking to that one moment between being awake and asleep, when everything is calm and peaceful.
Taking time out and losing myself in the pages of a mindless book.
The satisfaction of scratching things off the multiple to do lists.
Patience. Oh lord, the patience that everyone else has shown while I ranted, raved, and cribbed. I couldn’t be more grateful.
But most importantly, I realised how much power mere words can wield, to completely turn around my day and leave me feeling blissful through the chaos.

Life forever seems to be such a paradox. There are moments I wish I could just freeze in time, lest it pass by me before I can catch my breath. And then there are those wherein there’s nothing more I’d like than to move past it and jump into the awaiting future.

This is one of those instances when I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, while everything else whizzes by me. It feels like I’ve been doing the same constant mundane things over and over for the past two years. My soul craves some adventure, to delve into the unknown, to get away from the routine. I can almost taste what it would feel like.

And yet there are a million reasons for why I can’t do so, yet. Every time the craving hits I pacify myself by saying that there’s always time. And the proverbial dreamer in me keeps the dream burning alive.

And yet I find myself pondering if that is not the very reason keeping me from grasping what I want. Just another one of life’s many paradoxes that I’ll have to content myself with, till the dreamer in me has it all in her tangible hands.

The sun was finally setting on a long summer. New beginnings await. But she wasn’t ready, not yet. A new beginning surely meant change. Change was never easy especially where matters of the heart were concerned. And her heart had been given to the one and only, for 5 long years. Xavier’s would never be ‘just a college’ for her. It was where she felt at home. Where everything from the professors to the very walls and classrooms had shaped her to be who she is today. How could she then move on? Her heart had firmly lodged itself in the beautiful heritage structure that Xavier’s boasts of.

St. Xavier’s College, Mumbai.

But as the sun finally sets on these long months of lazing and reading and chilling, she must move on. She must prepare herself for the upcoming battle. She’ll learn to love this new beginning. Well she hopes she does anyway. It’s obviously not going to be the same because to her nothing can even come close to what Xavier’s meant to her but try she must.

She knows that with the sun setting, dark days lay ahead. But there’s still that one light left within her. Which no matter how hard they try, no one can dim. She knows it won’t be long before she can look forward to happier days full of sunshine and the welcoming heat and warmth. And though it may seem like a long time, she knows that these months will fly past her and she’s not alone. There are those trusted few right there along with her and they help to keep that light shining bright and beautiful, within her.

Burn by Ellie Goulding by itself is such a catchy song. Every time I hear it, there is this compulsive tendency to sing along with her. But the song also brings back precious memories every time I hear it.

It was new year’s eve about three years back and two of my friends and I decided to celebrate by going out to dinner to a one of its kind pub in Mumbai. Known as the Local, it was very intriguing because this was one of those beat-down looking places from the outside which has a new password every week which you need to know to gain entry. Even the inside was furnished with bare minimum choosing to keep the decor very rustic. But that somehow just increased it’s appeal a lot more.

It was here after we had finished eating our meal and were enjoying our drinks about 15 minutes away from embracing the new year that I first heard this song. I knew right then that it was going to be one of those songs which I played on repeat for the rest of the week. The Local has a mezzanine with tables there as well and unfortunately they didn’t have a separate dance area. But with it being new year’s eve and with songs like this being played, you inevitably end up dancing. So that’s what we did. In the small space between two tables the three of us got up and started dancing. By then the patrons on the three other tables also joined us and that’s how we brought in the new year.

So every time I hear this song I’m reminded of this night, right from trying to find this inconspicuous looking pub, to my friend getting hit on by some bloke, to the journey back home, to walking the roads in Matunga bare-foot because I couldn’t stand the stilettos anymore and to going home together and teasing my friend a bit more about the way she got hit on. All in all, this was easily one of the best nights ever.

It seemed only days ago that I was entering the gated archway of my college with trepidation. The very structure of the building with years and years of history reverberating in its walls was intimidating if not downright scary. I still remember the first day in this college with a crystal clear clarity. Finding our way to the correct classrooms itself was a feat. I remember a group of us trying to figure out Lecture Room 206 (which actually turned out to be 20G but the print made it look like 206) and everyone being baffled as they’d never heard of such a classroom. I still remember how miserable the first half of the day was because of the company and how someone (who is now a good friend) I met later in the day seemed to me like a god-sent angel. She struck up conversation with me as we were waiting in queue to get into the class. I guess that’s how the journey started. all it took was her ‘hi’. I promptly went and sat with her, glad to ditch the previous company I had. Since then it’s been one crazy whirlpool of ups and downs.

Having some resemblance to Hogwarts, our college had it’s fair share of secret classrooms and secret niches and secret trap doors. That one whiff of adventure was all I needed. My friend and I were determined to find out all these secret places. This determination started 5 years back in the first year of junior college and lasted all the way till the last year of college. From finding deserted corridors behind the chapel to LR 29 (the location of which not many people know) to the locked third floor to passages off the zoology lab and to climbing into small connecting pathways (which are locked from the other end) through windows and to finding dead pigeons in there, we’ve pretty much covered it all.

We also had our fair share of crushes in college. whether it be you running all over college to glimpse said crush or pretending to talk on a shadowy stairway with someone so you could keep your eye on him, to following the guy in college who’d wear the best cologne ever, to blushing when your favourite, young male professor spoke to you outside class. Between my friends and I, there was always some or the other cute guy to keep our spirits up, even with the serious lack of guys the humanities stream in college had. These are probably some of my favourite memories of college. Not only is it the memory that I won’t ever forget but it’s the feelings and the swooning they still evoke in me that cannot be forgotten even if I tried.

No college experience would have been complete without the college fest though. From the FYJC when I came as an audience to watch Malhar, that was the one and only year I got to watch Illuminati (the UV light dance) from the best seats, up in the gallery in our hall. The entire event was breathtakingly stunning to the two years which followed where I was part of the work force to my last Malhar where I was part of the organizing team. There are too many memories to pen them all down but the best thing that Malhar gave me was the people I met through the fest. I feel lucky to have been able to meet these people, some of them extremely dear to me.

Most of my last year in college was more or less a big ball of blur. As the level of difficulty of the classes increased tenfold, assignments and exams every week, and those bloody hateful journals, if someone were to ask me to close my eyes and recollect my last year the first thing that comes to my mind is a copy of the cover page of our pretty much weekly assignments. Having Psychology as a major, we were a small class of 24, and more or less our entire life (in and outside college) revolved within the four walls of our lab. But then the memories of our HoD letting us bring coffee and food up to class and allowing us to drink and eat in class, and the poor one person would go down to probably buy ten people coffee, having to use cardboard boxes given by the coffee counter to carry up all the cups kick in. then there were her marathon lectures with small breaks in between, all her jokes in class, the rivalry between her and our principal and how open she was about it did give us all a good laugh. Just like us, it was our HoD’s last year of teaching as well. That in itself is a loaded memory now. Then there was the yearly seminar we had in Khandala. Just thinking about it brings a broad smile to my face. While during the day it was all serious listening to the various papers the students presented, the nights were spent bonding and partying it up with our classmates with fairy lights, loud music, alcohol and dancing on the beds. Best nights ever. The small farewell party we put up for out HoD with more fairy lights, food, hot chocolate, a song our class prepared and sharing all this around a bonfire. Needless to say of the seminars I attended all three years, this one was the best.

Another reason the last year was so memorable was because although this was the year we had the least time for maintaining social lives, it was the year we went out to maximum places to eat in with our friends. From Sterling to Kala Ghoda cafe and Ahar to Sunlight and Kitkat. It’s been 5 lovely years with a treasure full of memories. From getting high on the iced tea in the canteen to laughing till tears are streaming down your face, to squabbling over bhaji pao, to birthdays, to class photos to cute guys. It’s been one hell of a journey and finally the day has come, with caps thrown in the air and numerous pictures captured, we’re graduates. This journey is officially over. Xavier’s has molded me into becoming the person I am today and I’m eternally grateful for giving me the best 5 years of my life.