“There are seasons, in human affairs, of inward and outward revolution, when new depths seem to be broken up in the soul, when new wants are unfolded in multitudes, and a new and undefined good is thirsted for.

There are periods when … to dare, is the highest wisdom.”

=

William Ellery Channing

——-

“In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between, there are doors.”

―

William Blake

==========

So.

I recently used a line in a piece I wrote …”my feeling in life is that you don’t want to act more fearfully than you have to.”

I decided to come back to it because, if you are in business, you carry around a pocketful of fear wherever you go. In your universe you are constantly faced with some things that are known … faced with a shitload more things that are unknown and … well … you are constantly demanded to face some fucking door and open it <and go through it>.

Of course … you could choose to wander aimlessly in the wretched in between of unknown and known never opening a door. Well. Someone could … I could not.

A person who elects to wander has elected to give up the world … choice by choice … decision by decision … all choices & decisions of nothing. Nowhere is nowhere and fear is fear and where you are is nowhere with fear.

========================

“You give up the world line by line.

Stoically.

And then one day you realize that your courage is farcical. It doesn’t mean anything. You’ve become an accomplice in your own annihilation and there is nothing you can do about it. Everything you do closes a door somewhere ahead of you. And finally there is only one door left.”

Cormac McCarthy

=============

Let’s face it.

Assuming you have any responsibility at all in a business <and it increases the higher up you go> no matter what you do, no matter which direction, or fear, you face … the reality is that as you turn away from one fear you will end up facing another. Basically your universe is one in which you will forsake one fear only to deal with another. All that means to mean is … well … you may as well hitch up your britches, accept the fear and take action. Embrace the wisdom … to dare to open one of the doors.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cautious on occasion or thoughtful with regard to the degree and extent of any particular fear … but you may as well do something.

Shit.

You may as well try to improve your station and lot in Life despite whatever fears you may have. I will say that some of the best of the fearless-like people have an inner fear compass which enables them to navigate fear a little better than the rest of us every day schmucks.

They are born with it.

Now.

To be clear.

They are actually also born with the guardrails which keeps them from the chaos of ‘do anything just to do’ which truly only a psychologically screwed up person would ever embrace. That means they don’t simply ignore fear … they accept it and manage it.

So … this doesn’t mean there isn’t fear. Even the fearless looking people have fear. They may look fearless but they join the rest of us fear-burdened every day schmucks day in and day out.

But going back to ‘do not want to act more fearfully than I have to’ I would suggest that not successfully living with fear is probably the biggest impediment to success <even beyond poverty, existing circumstances, etc.>.

I would also suggest we are not successful in living with our pockets full of fear because we far too often give our fears far too much power by believing they are bigger than they really are.

Look.

I am not suggesting that fear doesn’t exist I am simply suggesting we do two diametrically opposed things in our heads:

<a>… we often permit fear to take on superhuman powers and intergalactic sizes in our minds.

<b>… we like to look at it with rose colored glasses and put a positive spin on it <embrace fear as proof you are doing something new and something that matters !!!>.

Both of those are kind of silly and absolutely counterproductive.

Fear is fear.

And maybe we would be better off if we didn’t call it anything other than what it is.

Sure.

Sometimes we call it uncertainty. Or we call it ‘the unknown.’

You know what? It doesn’t matter what name you put on it. It’s fear. You don’t have to like it or dislike it … just accept it is your constant companion and use it as a nice counterbalance to doing shit <rather than not doing shit>.

Now.

All that said. I do have a phrase to share … l’appel du vide …French for ’the compulsion to jump from high places’ … or … the call of the void.

I think the phrase itself is specific to that one instance … but I think it’s a cool phrase which creates great imagery.

I have read in a number of places that our intelligence is built around modeling our situation and contemplating alternatives. The truth is that most of us think about what to do incessantly … in fact … at any given instant we are potentially viewing gobs of possible “alternate futures” in our minds <whether we recognize this consciously or subconsciously is another discussion>.

I would suggest that each of these alternative futures … these things we try to envision as we decide to step into some void as ‘edges.’

Why?

Well.

Frankly … it sounds more risky than ‘paths.’

Alternate futures sounds like ‘paths’ which implies you can veer off at a leisurely pace and retrace steps if needed and … well … there may even be a nice bar with a cool cocktail so you can rest at some point. But edges mean impact. Impact as in ‘splat’ or impact as in ’that made a difference’ or impact as in “I did not want to act more fearfully than I have to.”

Let’s face it … standing at the edge of a high place, staring into the void <or wide open spaces if you want to be poetically beautiful> … represents a possible future of “I step forward.”

However, since we know that this could bring highly unfavorable consequences, our internal decision filter often whispers in our ear … “no … do not take the step … terrible things could happen.”

That is the battle inside your head where … well … you ponder “I do not want to act more fearfully than I have to.”

Don’t worry.

Any sane person is going to hesitate and think a little before jumping from an edge <versus simply meandering down a new path>.

Any sane person is just taking ‘the void’ into consideration just the way we do with all we consider on all our alternatives.

This is sane thinking because our minds are built to be flexible. We keep “jumping” from thought to thought … alternative to alternative … weighing opportunity <for happiness, success, improvement, pain, etc.>.

But the void is different.

Or at least I think it is.

I don’t think it’s as straightforward as contemplation of the possible or assessing alternatives. I think it has more to do with that wretched place in between the known and the unknown.

I say this because there a shitload of choices and alternatives that appear before us … many with painful or grave possible consequences … but they do not have a similar call of the void.

Perhaps it’s the contemplation of the possible … with some added element of desire … tinged with danger <risk>.

Perhaps it is because we know in our heart of hearts … we know that big risks are the things that reap big rewards. We know we should feel fear and, yet, we desire to not want to act more fearfully than we have to.

I feel confident that 99% of us ponder a leap into some void at some point in our business lives <if not several times>. I feel that confident to use 99% because I believe most of us are attracted to the unknown and the unknowable. Why? In general I believe most of us are hardwired to be curious and to learn.

There is an attraction to the unknown because we inherently want to learn and to know and to try to figure out shit which we do not understand and not only try something new but, on occasion, reach for that star – the big prize <and business is strewn with tantalizing prizes>.

Look.

I am not suggesting all business people actually hear the call of the void <that is a smaller % of people> and even those who hear the call of the void <curiosity and ‘new’ whispers in their heads> does not always answer it. But will suggest that everyone faces the void … a space between what is known and unknown. And I could also suggest whether you jump or not … Life will inevitably push you into the void whether you want it or not.

And maybe that is where the quote truly comes into play … you do not want to act more fearfully than you have to.

Maybe at some point you shift from ‘fear’ to ‘dare.’

Whew.

Fear & dare are two words which seem to take on a big Life of their own.

And you know what?

They are littler than they imagine.

And you should treat them as littler things.

Because 99% of us do not want to act more fearfully than I have to. The business world can be unforgiving at times but it is particularly unforgiving to those who permit fear to drive behavior such as standing in between the known and unknown and be unwilling to open a door.

I see their ugly and their beauty, and I wonder how the same thing can be both.”

————–

Death

<in “The Book Thief”>

=============

So.

This quote is said by Death.

Yeah.

Death is suggesting he considers humans beautiful … as well as everything else that we are … all the while resting comfortably in his chair awaiting the opportunity to end it all.

I admit.

The thought seems slightly counter-intuitive, but I like thinking the thought that Death is a lot more complicated than we may think.

I like thinking that Death sees us … and assesses us … and maybe even judges us a little … as not one-dimensional things to say ‘thumbs up’ or ‘thumbs down.’

I like thinking of death as not some grim reaper but rather a thoughtful person who has a job to do. One who contemplates the fact that some days will be good and some days just won’t be so fun.

I like thinking of Death One who can see the best and worst … acknowledging that good things can happen to bad people and bad things can happen to good people.

And, I imagine, I like thinking of Death as … well … intelligent and not simply some mindless executioner wandering about seeking his next victim.

For sure this quote reminded me of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s quote about intelligence:

“The test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. One should, for example, be able see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.”

I believe it was Keats who called this ‘negative capability.’

As he explained <or tried to > “it is when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.”

In other words … you understand, or least come to grips with, that there is a shitload of inconsistency and uncertainty in Life and, yet, you deal with it and do what you need to do.

<that’s my translation>

The truth in Life is that we really don’t have to be one thing because you’re not another thing – or not be something if you are something <you get it>.

It may seem impossible to appear to be a contradiction and, yet, be quite a successful, happy, productive bundle of contradictions.

Not only do you not have to be one thing forever but you can actually be a couple of things now … at the same time … in this time & place.

I sometime believe individual happiness is found more often than not in our ‘negative capability’ intelligence. In other words … how smartly we can navigate the contradictions in Life as well as the contradiction of what is within who & what we are. If we don’t learn negative capability then we must seem to inevitably seek to isolate being one thing and one thing only as a judge of whether we are living Life well, productively and with focus.

And maybe that is why I believe Death was, and is, intelligent — it has mastered negative capability. Death has embraced the contradiction of being one thing and yet living another seemingly contradictory idea.

If Death can see beauty in that which it will inevitably have to end with its own hand surely we can see good in bad … as well as be both bad & good ourselves.

Regardless.

It seems like there is a lesson in here for all of us. And maybe the lesson is, unfortunately, not that simple.

Death looks, on the surface, as one thing … and yet … is most likely another.

Death does one thing … and yet … most likely thinks many other things.

We view Death as one thing and avoid him … and yet … should we meet him on the street on his way to meet someone other than us … he may greet us with a smile.

While Death’s perception challenge is actually called “affective fallacy” <confusion between what it is and what it does> this is a challenge we all face in Life.

I imagine, in the end, the lesson is a simple one … sometimes Life just isn’t that simple.

Ok.

Ditch the ‘sometimes.’

Life is never that simple.

We are more than one thing … we are a sum of all our parts … we are part of everyone we have met <and will meet> … and we are, at our core, a reflection of a multi-faceted character containing aspects of all which we desire to be as well as some aspects which we view slightly glumly as ‘the aspects I do not desire to be … but am.’

We either embrace the contradictions or … well … we will most likely suck at dealing with Life and living Life.

Anyway.

What I do know is that I wish someone taught “negative capabilities 101” because we should all sign up for that class. It would be a better world if we were all competent in negative capabilities.

=======================

“When the first living thing existed, I was there waiting.

When the last living thing dies, my job will be finished. I’ll put the chairs on the tables, turn out the lights and lock the universe behind me when I leave.”

You don’t have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow.”

–

Carrie Fisher

==============

”We never lose our demons. We only learn to live above them.”

–

Dr. Strange

=======================

Ok.

Here is what I know about living with fear. Okay. Maybe I should say I think I know some things about fear and living with it.

First thing I think I know?

A fearless person is a lie.

No one is fearless. Everyone feels fear. You either accept it, deal with it and do whatever you are going to do with it … bringing it along for the ride … or you do nothing because of it.

Second thing I know?

Well. You cannot avoid it. In fact … I believe it was Jaime Lannister on the Game of Thrones who explained it the best:

So many vows… they make you swear and swear. Defend the king. Obey the king. Keep his secrets. Do his bidding. Your life for his. But obey your father. Love your sister. Protect the innocent. Defend the weak. Respect the gods. Obey the laws.

It’s too much.

No matter what you do, you’re forsaking one vow or the other.

He was not talking about fear but he may as well have. No matter what you do, no matter which direction, or fear, you face … as you turn away from one fear you will end up facing another. You will forsake one thing to deal with another.

All that means to mean is … well … you may as well take action.

You may as well do something. You may as well try to improve your station and lot in Life despite whatever fears you may have.

=====

“If you pay attention to the present, you can improve upon it. And, if you improve on the present, what comes later will also be better…”

Paulo Coelho

====

Look.

As I said upfront … the whole concept, the whole idea, the whole belief, of a fearless person … is a lie. It is bullshit.

Sure. Some of the best of the fearless-like people have an inner fear compass which enables them to navigate fear a little better than the rest of us everyday schmucks. They are born with it.

Now. To be clear. They are actually born with the guardrails which keeps them from chaos of ‘do anything just to do’ which truly only a psychologically screwed up person would ever embrace. That means they don’t simply ignore fear they accept it and manage it. So … this doesn’t mean there isn’t fear. Even the fearless looking people have fear. they may look fearless but they join the rest of us fear-budrened people day in and day out.

====

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them”

Andre Gide

====

I would suggest that not successfully living with fear is probably the biggest impediment to success <even beyond poverty, existing circumstances, etc.>.

I would also suggest we are not successful because we far too often give our fears far too much power by believing they are bigger than they really are.

Look.

I am not suggesting that fear doesn’t exist I am simply suggesting we often permit fear to take on superhuman powers and intergalactic sizes in our minds. And I am suggesting seeking to be successful means not eliminating fear but simply making it into bite sized portions more easily swallowed <or however you elect to deal with fear … that was just a suggestion>.

Here’s the deal. All people fear failure. Everyone. And anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. It’s just that some people set it aside and strive to seek something that lies somewhere beyond the fear. Across the chasm as it were.

Do most people mind being challenged … which almost always contains some aspects of fear … by attempting to do that which they have not done? Absolutely not. The majority of people do like meeting challenges and that satisfaction which comes from meeting the challenge. I believe it is because you have not only ‘bested’ the challenge but you have also ‘bested’ the fear you couldn’t meet the challenge <even if it was only an inkling of fear>. So there is certainly a level of ‘dealing with fear” … or maybe better said ‘the unknown’ that all people like. And in dealing with it … it gives people satisfaction.

However.

What about that ‘good fear’? That big fear. That stepping into the unknown fear?

Ok. Remember. Fear is defined as the emotional response to an actual or perceived threat of immediate or imminent danger or pain. The capacity to experience fear is part of human nature that has been hard-wired into us. And it is debilitating to most people. It is a fact that a large number of people suffer the often debilitating impacts of fear and anxiety. They suffer a sense of being overwhelmed and helplessness leading to an inability to take action or make changes.

Interestingly I believe we tend to tie bravery and courage with being able to

overcome that helplessness brought on by fear.

Well. I don’t think that’s right.

In most cases it is more about having the ability to see <or conceptualize> what is somewhere across the chasm and using that as the focal point to step toward. That’s not courage … that is simply focusing on what is important. Or, let’s say, an ability to focus.

Or, let’s say, an ability to envision possibilities.

I guess I find some support in my belief in that most individuals we look to as brave or courageous people openly admit that they were not free of fear when they faced the unknown <death or simply stepping into the unknown by doing something with no guaranteed outcome>. They simply kept going with their plan of action, in spite of feeling scared, because they were generally resolute in their decisions, knew the risks attached to what they were doing and in many cases believed that their actions served a larger cause for a greater good <and they had chance of eachieving an outcome they could be happy with>.

People like that don’t lessen the fear … they simply accept it … and focus on the objective.

Patton once said this about equating bravery with a lack of fear:

“If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened.

The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened.”

Regardless.

It is a Life truth that the inability to overcome fear translates into a lower quality of life. No shit. Really. Quality of life <and, me being me, I have some proof to back this up>.

And according to a psychologist quoted in a 2009 Psychology Today … “the inaction that stems from excessive, irrational fears or fear-based thinking often shows up as a decision to live life from a “safe” position and not take risks, even if that means forsaking opportunities that might provide greater joy and expansiveness to one’s life.”

So.

Circling back … people who have overcome fear have learned to focus on what is truly important … they have either faced their monsters or decided that they were less important then what they really wanted. And I actually believe most successful people have done exactly this … these have faced their inner demons, monsters, and have asked them to come along for the ride instead of hiding from them. In other words … they live with their fear. or, as Dr. Strange said, “we learn to live above them.”

I imagine the best we can do with regard to loving with fear is that we may actually find the objective, the idea of the outcome, as something more significant than fearing the thing itself. I imagine that thought encapsulates most good things in life. Envision the positive outcome to overcome the fear of ‘not doing anything’ and live above the fears we have.

As for you & I? What’s important is the action. We inevitably take action all the while seeking our own version of fearless. And maybe that is the important closing thought.

“My version of fearless.”

Living with fear is a personal choice, personal decision and personal attitude. Comparing fearlessness is stupid and wrong.

You version is yours, mine is mine.

We may all live with fear but how we do it isn’t comparable … it should only be judged by your reflection in the mirror.

Would there were a festival for my fears, a ritual burning of what is coward in me, what is lost in me.

Let the light in before it is too late. “

—

Jeanette Winterson from “The Green Man”

===================

“Autumn shows us how beautiful it is to let things go.”

—–

Unknown

(via ginger-and-preppy)

==============

Well <part 1>.

I just read a an article in one of those local papers you can pick up at Healthy Grocery stores which attempted to discuss how this time of the year <October/November/December> is the season of ‘decay and death’ … and how it was a potent time to connect with the dead <and highlighted several celebrations around the world which do just that>.

This thought was combined with the thought we human folk balk at connecting with death because it … well … seems morbid to do so.

and summer regrets

getting rid

of winter wishes

summer and i

=======

Well <part 2>.

I balk at the whole concept of ‘decay & death’ as well as the ‘morbid‘ thought.

Simplistically, seasons remind of us the cycle of Life <not death> and that death, in and of itself a sad event, contains at its very core the very simple concept that without Death, there is no Life.

This was immortalized in pop culture by Blood Sweat & Tears in their absolutely fabulous song “and when I die”:

====

And when I die and when I’m dead, dead and gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

I’m not scared of dying and I don’t really care.
If it’s peace you find in dying, well, then let the time be near.
If it’s peace you find in dying, when dying time is here,
just bundle up my coffin cause it’s cold way down there,
I hear that’s it’s cold way down there, yeah, crazy cold way down there.
And when I die and when I’m gone,
there’ll be one child born and a world to carry on, to carry on.

====

While each Life is a stepping stone for every future generation each death represents a stepping stone for … well … the future.

I don’t need any Eastern religion wisdom to remind me of this … I think we all know this.

Now … I will admit that connecting with this thought is much much easier for us when we remove any personalized death and accept it as simply a turning of generations. Therefore … one of the reasons we do not celebrate death is because it can get too personal. And if that is a reason … it sure as hell is a good one.

But death itself?

While death is something we dislike, facing seasons remain something we must face year in and year out. It is a constant affirmation of the turning of time and that some things we may have gained will most likely be inevitably lost in the natural turn of time.

And, yes, as today is December 1st I am reminded that Winter is the time of Life’s strategic retreat and conservation of what gives it all life.

It is not death. And it is not decay.

It is Life’s thoughtful way to insure its existence and survival.

It is the time of incubation and rest and restoration for all things to come in the following year.

I could also suggest that winter is a time of reflection and … well … comfort. In winter’s dark nights the stars are at their clearest and we have the opportunity to see them as the sparks of potential and wishes and dreams and … well … Life. Uhm. And dreaming is never a bad thing … particularly during the ‘ebb tide of seasonal Life.’

I will not argue that as Life recedes in autumn and rests in winter we do, at least emotionally, get closer to connecting with death … but I do balk at thinking of autumn & winter as ‘things associated with death.’

…. a time to Reflect ……

I would argue it actually does a nice job of reminding us we need to let go of things. and, sure, maybe we connect with ‘the dead’ better at this time because … well … it reminds us to celebrate what we had and embrace letting go.

And that is the thing about winter … it demands to not only be felt but also that you meet it on its terms. Even better … Winter demands us to let go of things we most typically hold onto with ragged claws.

You cannot refuse its existence and you cannot ignore what was because what is … is … well … is starkly different. Where Life was once obvious it is now starkly absent.

I would note that all Eastern mysticism and ‘being in touch with the universe’ and the ‘natural ebb of the earth’ and all that stuff, at its core, just suggests that we pay attention. Pay attention to whatever energy seasons give us … and more often than not that energy it gives us is … uhm … just good ole fashioned thinking. It gives us the energy to think about our lives, lives lost and lives yet to be lived.

Acknowledgement of all of that increases your overall connection not just with ‘the universe’ but rather to the eternal pattern of life and invests a sense of energy into pretty much everything <yourself and Life>.

And just as Death breaks things down to the bare essence, winter does the same.

And maybe that is the connection.

When things are at their barest, when we are drawn closer to endings rather than beginnings, we inevitably ponder the ‘great perhaps.’

I think we all seek a great perhaps of “what I know can be”. I think we all know what a better world really looks like. I think we all want to see the beauty that can be found in what is better in everyone.

And maybe it is within Fall and the falling leaves we begin to better grasp that failed plans and failed dreams can beget new plans and new dreams. And maybe it is within Winter where , in ts barest of bare essences, we are forced to begin envisioning what could be in plans and dreams because it is left to us standing in the bare environment around us.

What I do know about all seasons is that they are markers of Time … and poetically speaking … Time is always hungry for many of the things we dearly want to endure and do.

This makes Time both beautiful and doomed. Yeah. Time is beautiful and doomed. And that is where I really believe the whole ‘morbid time of the year’ goes astray.

for it seems all of Fall’s stars

have fallen

and often summer and i

run through the last warm days

through the cool grass

gathering stars caught in people’s dreams

with the intent

to toss them to Winter

through windows of dawn.

Summer & i

======

We, especially in the West, hunger for time.

Conversely, time itself <to us Western folk> has a hunger and its hunger is for ‘things.’

It is a nasty emptiness waiting to be filled.

Well.

If there is one thing humans are fucking great at … it is filling time and stuffing whatever we can into any emptiness we can find.

Death and dying makes us reflect. It forces us to do so. Just as the bare often starkness of Winter does.

And it makes us reflect on what ‘stuff’ we have crammed into whatever Time we have had.

Oh. Maybe what it really forces us to do is reflect upon time. and that is where death truly makes us feel uncomfortable … not any morbid feeling but rather it’s just that we have been indoctrinated to focus on living … living life to its fullest, not wasting any time, to do lists that never get completed and just doing shit <just do it>.

Nowhere in that list of shit I just shared does death have a place. In fact. Death represents the exact opposite of everything society & our culture almost demands we think about 24/7.

And when forced to face death, or feel a need to connect, we are much less likely to celebrate but rather assess … assess our doing mantra versus ‘stop.’

Look.

Most of us don’t purposefully ignore connecting with death and those who have passed away because of sadness <because if it were we would be more likely to actually do it because the opposite of sadness is reflecting upon the inevitable happiness> but rather because death and past lives force us to reflect upon our ‘doing accomplishment’ <as well as it forces us to stop … which compounds the feeling of ‘shit, I haven’t done enough and I am not doing anything now>.

Yeah.

If you can get beyond the ‘doing’ aspect inherently death is more about sadness <loss of something or someone or time> more so than morbidity. Conquer the sadness and you have conquered death.

And all of this is just not that difficult <if you are willing to actually think about it>.

Several cultures do celebrate the autumnal solstice as the time life & death is closest. I would argue it is less a celebration but rather recognition of that which came before, and that which is dying, so that what will be will come forth.

Generations beget generations just as falls beget springs.

Death begets life.

This doesn’t mean we should celebrate impending death but rather recognize, even in sadness, life & beauty resides in the future.

Fall is of beautiful dying.

Winter is of starkness of death.

Spring is of rebirth from death.

This doesn’t mean you can find beautiful things to enjoy throughout any season. Seasons simply remind us of the fact time does not stand still and no matter how hard we try and fill up the emptiness time offers us day in and day out … leaves fall, winter comes and spring arises.

I believe it is the Celtic wheel of the year describes this time of the year as Samhain … “the veil between the worlds is thin.” Just as several other cultures they use his time to reflect upon “that which was.” In my pea like brain … it is a celebration of navel gazing. It is an intentional event to purposefully explore the valuable relationship not only between Life and Death but the past and the future.

Listen to the cry of falling leaves,

but winter breaks the silence

and warms us with words

of how to change it all

before the Fall completely ends.

So, So

Look.

I don’t believe we do not celebrate death and dying because we think it is morbid. I tend to believe we do not traditionally do so because we, as in Western civilization versus Eastern, don’t celebrate reflection.

We treat reflection more as a personal thing and not a larger more public event and celebration.

Should we celebrate reflection? Shit. I don’t know. But understanding that seasons can offer us enlightening thoughts about how we actually think about death & Life & holding on & letting go is surely not a bad thing.

As for Fall and Winter? I do not think of death and decay. I actually think of flowers. Huh?

I credit Mark Strand for making me think Winter is the time to bring flowers into your Life as he describes Winter in his poem called Blizzard of One:

—

“A time between times, a flowerless funeral. No more than that …”

Mark Strand <Blizzard of One>

—

Every funeral deserves flowers. Every Winter deserves thoughts of Life.

sometimes quality people follow me and i actually cry and whisper “i’m so sorry you’re going to regret this”

—-

(Source: danny-castellano)

===============

So.

The quote I open with made me think about leading in business … specifically about me as a leader and what I think about those who I was fortunate enough to lead.

If you go online you can find a million articles about what makes a great leader … heck … on how to be a good leader.

That said. In general … if you have to go online to learn how to lead and be a leader … well … you are not a leader.

Look.

I loved leading. I loved being the captain of a team. I loved being the pilot of a ship <pick your trite metaphor here>. But I never assumed that simply because I had a title or was selected to lead that everyone would want to actually follow. This gets trickier once you arrive at some high falutin’ title and responsibility where you cannot hand pick everyone on your team. But maybe it is prior to that high falutin’ position where you earn the most valuable lesson.

Lesson?

I think any leader worth half a shit is humbled by the quality of people who choose to follow.

I think any leader worth half a shit is worried those people will regret that decision at some point.

Yeah. Leading has another side to it … those who elect to follow you. And that is where one of the most important lesson resides. People actually choose to follow you. That said.

I can only comment on this topic from my own perspective.

I do know for sure that it doesn’t matter what type of leader you are <1> if no one follows you will get nowhere fast, and <2> if the wrong people are following you … you will get nowhere fast.

I will admit.

One of the hardest things in the world in business to do is to find people with the same intentions that you have. This becomes important because at some point leading demands motivating in some form or fashion. Me? I don’t think I was ever particularly good at motivating individuals one at a time. The good news with having that weakness is that leading that way is incredibly time intensive so I never did it.

I learned to simply focus on my message. Maybe more importantly … I focused on an ‘attitude’ more than any specific ‘desired behavior.’ I kind of figured that, if I could encourage a certain type of attitude, the behavior would follow. A lot of leaders hated that belief … and still do. They prefer established certain types of behavior and model their leadership within that construct. I did not and it permitted those who chose to follow me to follow a variety of paths … walk in their own shoes … and, yet, still walk within the same attitude construct with the same intentions that I had.

As a result I have worked for and with amazing companies, products & services and people.

I don’t think I did it through any ‘big personality’ <I have seen and met charismatic leaders and I ain’t one> but I always seem to have ‘my community of followers’ who were incredibly loyal to me … and I remained incredibly loyal to them.

Somehow this all permitted me to leverage the naturally scant resources any leader has <time, energy, money, attention> to not only have an effective team & organization but also attract others to come by and join this merry & mad group of followers. Through it all I always looked to create some convergence of my own conviction with the wants & needs of the individuals … and this included even the individuals who I were fairly sure were quite hesitant to follow my lead <and, yes, they exist with any leader>.

I will also admit that I never really thought much about purposefully sharing any real substantive value to the people who elected to follow nor did I attempt to purposefully share any substantive value to people I wanted to have join this merry band. Huh? <say what?>. I never thought about trying to create some compelling message or try and be compelling … I solely focused on my convictions, my attitude & beliefs and … well … I imagine I thought of it as “I have a campfire, come sit down … and I hope you stay <if you want>” and hoped like hell that someone actually wanted to follow that conviction, attitude & set of beliefs <and I never assumed anyone did and was pleasantly surprised when someone did>.

And.

Well.

I was always humbled if someone decided to stay and warm their hands on the campfire.

I never studied on how to be a leader. I never read any books on leadership.

My only mantra was “would I want to follow me” and maintain the behavior and attitudes which would seem like they would make me feel like I was treated with dignity, respect and value <and be my version of interesting & meaningful>.

It may sound odd … but … I figured if I could please me then … heck … some other people would at least be semi-pleased <because I always felt like I was hard to please>.

I certainly wanted to be dynamic beyond my own purpose <and still do> and kind of built that into how I wanted to be as a leader. I am not sure this was representing some grand vision or ‘manifesto’ or even some ‘purpose-driven’ type flag for everyone to follow … but it was more than some personal goals and raises and basic desires of ‘coming into work every day and doing what you need to do.’

I never did anything calculated in my leadership. It almost always resided in attitude.

And I think it allowed me to be me and to let those who decided to follow to emerge in their own way beyond simply daily desires to get shit done.

===

“Become the kind of leader that people would follow voluntarily, even if you had no title or position.

Conduct a personal assessment and ask yourself, ”Would I follow me?”

–

Brian Tracy

====

I absolutely buy the fact that a leader has to give people something they want or need. I don’t care if it is ideas or purpose or productivity <outcomes>. I just don’t buy the fact you can purposefully sit down and create it.

Sure. You can hone what you know you should be doing but you cannot learn what you should be doing. I am also not sure you can always purposefully create the challenges which create interest as well as establish some north star meaningful purpose … which we all know is what someone who elects to follow thrives on.

I always felt like if you created the right attitude your job as a leader was more of a herder than a creator or a motivator. And I always felt like ‘passion’ was overrated <albeit many people commented that they saw moments of passion from me … personally … I thought it was simply moments that I focused on something>.

I absolutely understand that passion is contagious but I always worried that passion can easily fade. I always felt like I owed people who elected to follow more than passion.

When your employees sense that you have a deeper conviction, not passion, for what you do I always believed they got the sense that what they’re doing is a little more worthwhile. It was not that everyone felt like they were on some path towards something bigger but rather they were permitted some moments in which maybe they could not only be better versions of themselves but also maybe, just possibly with a little luck & fate, be part of something greater than ‘oneself’.

I don’t think I was, or am, a particularly humble individual … but I certainly was always humbled that someone, even one person, chose to follow my lead.

And I know I read somewhere that being humble in business doesn’t equate to not taking credit for your work or ideas but rather taking responsibility for your mistakes as well as the mistakes of your team … and acknowledging when someone following you can do something better than you.

Well.

With that definition I guess I could attach ‘humble’ to me but it does not wear well. I think it is just responsible leadership and it doesn’t need any label.

Leadership is certainly not for the faint of heart. Responsibility is always a burden … and if you are responsible for people the burden increases … and … if you are responsible for people who have actually CHOSEN to follow you … well … the burden increases exponentially. But that ‘not for the faint of heart’ is not really courage … it’s more about some fashion of fearlessness. I am pretty sure I wasn’t a particularly great leader. But what I did do is breed a sense of fearlessness in those who followed me.

In the end.

I can really only say one thing.

If you want to lead … you do what you do … you have some strong conviction and attitude <beyond ‘perfection’> … and if people follow they follow. I imagine at some point I said … well … fuck it. I am going to live the way I want to live Life … live business the way I want to live business … and if that mean I am leading? Great.

If it means some people follow? Great.

If it means some people think I am full of shit ? Not so great … but I will live with it.

If it means some people will run away from where I am going? Also not so great … but as long as they don’t think I am fucking nuts … I can live with it.

I did everything in my power, every minute of everyday to insure anyone who elected to follow me never regretted that decision. And I never regretted that choice nor the responsibility that came along with it.

But what I really learned, and know, is that having followers who have chosen to follow you, while humbling, is the best & greatest burden you can have.

Why?

Because one of the hardest things in the world to do is to find people with the same intentions that you have. And when you do? Whew. That is the reason you lead. It is maybe the best part of leadership.

“There are very few products which do not benefit from being given a first class ticket through life.”

—

David Ogilvy

====

“When one loves, one does not calculate.”

―

Thérèse de Lisieux

===

One of the most consistent business discussions I seem to have with marketing people is tone of messaging … or how to frame the product or service or business in the marketplace.

With all the books & processes cramming differentiation down every marketer’s throat most businesses invest gobs of energy identifying either what makes them distinct or different.

At the end of that road they are tired … and then have to figure out how to tell everyone.

This is where we start calculating the ones we love.

The ‘one’ being the business, product and/or service. We have lovingly crafted everything about it and now we begin calculating how to communicate it.

The calculation simplistically drives most people to gravitate to one of two places – humor or humorless.

Now.

To be honest.

I am not a big ‘use humor in communications’ person. More often than not humor is either misused <someone has decided ‘breaking thru the clutter’ matters more than actual substance> or it is off-putting <crass humor to make a point> or it is simply forced. That doesn’t mean I won’t, and have not, use humor in communications and marketing … but it tends to be ‘smart humor’ and not slapstick or silly.

And there is a reason for that beyond the overall humor ‘misused’ thought.

I believe people deserve a first class ticket in Life.

And, frankly, I believe most businesses offer products & services that deserve a first class ticket through Life.

First and foremost I believe a business should treat their own product & service, and business, with respect and dignity and … well … at least an aspect of seriousness as a reflection of the seriousness the business itself put forth in coming up with the idea.

Most businesses are neither flippant nor not thought out. This doesn’t mean you cannot laugh at yourself nor offer who and what you are with some character and humility … but rarely do I want to suggest I didn’t do some first class thinking in building what I hope is a first class offering.

In the parallel world … the one in which the people reside who will actually buy or use this product or service … well … these people want to be treated with respect, respect for them, their heads, their hearts & their wallets.

All of this sounds practical. All of this most likely resonates with business people … then why does it all go out the window with some slapstick wacky creative structure in communicating the message?

Look.

No.

As a business I don’t want to take myself too seriously.

But I need to weigh the fact that I have a serious business offering developed thru some serious thoughtful business acumen.

The problem mostly lies in the fact that after beating the crap out of your business positioning to uncover the strong core to offer … a business fears it isn’t interesting enough or distinct enough.

Then they fall prey to the ‘to break thru you need to do something different’ advice.

I have this discussion so many times with businesses I have honed the discussion platform into two basic starting points:

Try and view it all with a fresh eye

I typically suggest that a business always try and look at the world with new eyes … view the things they have maybe looked at a zillion times … so many times that the things are just things. I suggest that because people want to see a world through new eyes.

Some people call this the sea of sameness. I do not. I believe there is a lot of good shit and good things out there … but we have seen them … and derivatives of them day in and day out <and this includes “breakthroughs & NEW”> that our eyes, ears and hearts view without viewing.

Nothing … and I mean NOTHING … is more impactful to someone than seeing something they have seen a zillion times in a new way. It taps into a sense of wonder … I wonder why I never saw that before, wonder what I was doing in the past that made me not see that and … well … I wonder if I will ever view this thing the same ever again in the future.

Think vivid

When I was at J. Walter Thompson years ago the basic premise behind crafting recognizable and relevant ideas was about “vivid” – vivid metaphors or vivid demonstrations in communicating the product idea.

Some businesses have something that makes them uniquely demonstrable. Superiority is best communicated, and most simply communicated, through communicating performance. Sound dull? Only if you don’t truly offer superiority and the demonstration isn’t vivid.

Some businesses rely on a vivid metaphor where an actual demonstration fails to be either distinctive or effective. Great literature bursts with metaphors … for commonplace things we often take for granted.

Love: “my love is like a red rose.”

The sun: “the sun rose like thunder”

Night: “the dark curtain of night.”

The metaphor can make the commonplace exceptional and interesting.

Regardless of which vivid path a business pursues it should evoke something – surprise, synergy, sympathy, simplicity or shivers.

Day in and day out I stick to my guns and this point of view with regard to positioning businesses in the marketplace. Maintain the high road <because people like to get better than maybe what they expect> and think ‘vivid.’

If you pursue this kind of thinking as you frame your business, product or service … well … you actually limit your risk <that is also part of pursuing a ‘first class ticket’ philosophy>.

I found it interesting when I googled “first class life” and I found that First Class Life is a categorical term present in the classification of life insurance risk. It denotes low life risk.

Definition: First Class Life is a categorical term present in the classification of life insurance risk. It denotes low life risk.

Description: First class life comes under low risk category of life insurance and thus is charged normal premium charges. An individual identified as first class life is subject to normal premium rates for an insurance policy.

All business contains risk … it is inherent in everything you do.

Therefore in building your business you should be seeking to mitigate risks <so you can take the ‘smart risks’>.

Tone in communications shouldn’t be about risk.

But.

Let me be clear on this … a business should always seek to craft a message so that it is loved by some and disliked by others <that shows you have made some choices> but that message should always <always> be framed in a way that makes the people who love you feel like they just got a first class ticket through Life <and even the ones who hate you will most likely respect you in some way>.

You know … reading back over what I just wrote … this seems simple. If you are running a business and you have lovingly crafted some product or service you really believe in … well … why wouldn’t you buy it a first class ticket into the marketplace?

I call it “selling up.” I don’t want to undersell my idea, my business, my people … or my potential customers. I want them to feel like they part of something that brings Life ‘up’ … and not down. Seems like everyone would want to do that.

“We meet ourselves time and again in a thousand disguises on the path of life.”

―

C.G. Jung

====

“fire doesn’t change –

it doesn’t become less of a flame

just because it loves the air.”

—

marina v.

==============

Well.

I probably get asked “don’t you think people can change?” more often than any other question.

I will suggest that the whole discussion of ‘can people change’ could take an entire lifetime.

So, for today, let’s answer it with “yes, no & maybe.”

I imagine it depends on who the person is and what they want to change and how badly they do, or don’t want to do, the change … as well as if they demand the change of themselves or if the change is being demanded of them.

Whew.

That last sentence pretty much is a reflection of why the answer to ‘can people change’ is yes, no & maybe.

But I have a different thought on whether people can really change.

In some ways I do not believe people change … instead they evolve. They evolve as a reflection of external stimulation from which they adapt internally.

I imagine this means you simply become more of who & what you already are.

The corollary to that thought is without this evolution you simply remain a lesser version of who you could be

<note: which I assume mot people would prefer not being>.

Conceptually I imagine I am suggesting you are what you are. In addition … you don’t really know what you are … you have to find it.

And, yeah, I do believe there is a ‘best version’ within everyone. Some of us simply fail on our adventure to actually arrive at that version. In addition … I do believe we all go on this adventure whether we choose to do so with purpose or not.

Now.

That said.
I also tend to believe two basic things about ourselves:

– We begin not completely molded <therefore part of your adventure is finding who and what you really are>.

– We accumulate good & bad aspects along the way <and it really isn’t changing but shedding the bad and accumulating the good … hopefully that mix …>.

This adventure can be harrowing.

It can be fun.

It can be freeing and it can put you in cages. But as long as you continue on the adventure you are organically changing … not purposefully changing.

So I imagine this also means that, yes, people can change … but it also suggests if you are seeking purposeful change, rather than encountering organic change, more often than not you will find yourself going against the grain of your adventure.

And maybe that is why change is so difficult or maybe that is why most people really don’t have an interest in making any significant change <or at least put the effort necessary to create that change>. Purposeful change is most likely not our natural change.

————

“What else should our lives be but a continual series of beginnings, of painful settings out into the unknown, pushing off from the edges of consciousness into the mystery of what we have not yet become.”

==

David Malouf

—————————–

And, yet, time and time <and time> again we seem to head out on some purposeful change quest. We do so with the best of intentions for this quest is simply a reflection of the most basic overriding theme of Life … how do people fulfill their potential and figure out who they are and what they’re capable of?

But somehow in our misguided quests we find our‘potential’ is more often focused on painfully or strenuously attacking externally doing things to improve … to be something we envision we want to be <better>.

I would like to note that this type of quest also goes against the grain of how I consult businesses, therefore, I could suggest it is a little ass backwards. In business I 99% of the time suggest an inside out business model. Don’t figure out who you want to be first but rather figure out who you are first <and maximize that>.

The good self adventures follow that inside out strategy … and then maybe it’s not that we get smarter intellectually that is most important but rather we get smarter about ourselves <know more about who & what we are>. It is a tougher adventure because it is less “if I do this will be this” but rather I am setting out on an adventure knowing this about me.

One adventure has a clear destination you are aiming for and one adventure has a clear home you are walking out the front door from.

———

“Desires, memories, fears, passions form labyrinths in which we lose and find and then lose ourselves again.”

―

Bernhard Schlink

====

One path is much less easy to get lost on and one is much easier to get lost.

But I could argue one adventure could permit you to reach a destination that may not be as valuable as you thought originally while the other adventure insures whatever destination, and path as well, you wander into will be a reflection of something you value.

I will admit … I am clearly in the ‘inside out’ self adventure camp.

It certainly has its challenges but it also permits me … well … adventure.

I have less milestone and objective based Life successes <improvements> … my self improvements are, frankly, more organic.

===

“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservation, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future.

The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.

The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun. If you want to get more out of life, you must lose your inclination for monotonous security and adopt a helter-skelter style of life that will at first appear to you to be crazy.

But once you become accustomed to such a life you will see its full meaning and its incredible beauty.”

———

Jon Krakauer

====

All that said … here is what I do now about can a person change. Once you are in a routine, once you are comfortable with what you are doing, it is incredibly easy to confuse that situational, environmental comfort as “understanding who & what I am.”
We should never confuse comfort in circumstances with being comfortable with who & what you are.

They are two separate things which can often be confused.

How can I feel confident saying this?

Change your comfortable circumstances … and then see how comfortable you are with who and what you are. Stagnancy blinds us to many many things. movement uncovers that which has been cloaked.

Anyway.

Even if you don’t buy what I am selling today.

Even if you think what I am saying is bullshit <or fraught with stupidity>.

Before you decide you need to ‘change yourself’ just think about what I believe may be one of the smartest things Montaigne ever wrote:

====

“The greatest thing in the world is to know how to belong to oneself.”

“This is my strength: I will go quietly because it is the best thing for you.

I will close the door gently behind me … I won’t come back. “

–

=

Azra.T

—

Ok.

I am fairly sure I am going to state a Life truth here.

You only let one person into your life blindly.

Maybe I could say … you only make this mistake once.

Why?

When you let someone in blindly more often than not you will be disappointed or, at worst, get screwed <get burned>.

===

“I opened my door for you and you came in and burned my house down.”

—

Insanosylum

====

Whew.

As I wrote that I felt … well … cynical.

Shouldn’t we be able to trust people more often?

Shouldn’t it be easier to be good to everyone?

Sadly … letting people into your Life isn’t an open door policy. You need to have a doorbell and a peephole and you need to welcome someone in before you open the door.

And I say sadly because it would be nice to simply have no door and just let anyone wander in.

But you can’t.

For a variety of reasons … and not all cynical.

The ‘not cynical at all’ reason is that not all people are soulmates and not all people are the one, or ones, you truly connect with.

And that is what this is all about – connection.

The ones you truly let in need to be interviewed.

I don’t buy the ‘instant connection’ or ‘I could read them instantly’ < recognizing people >.

Well.

At least I don’t buy it with any ‘in depth’ or ‘let them all the way in’ in mind.

You can look thru the peephole and say ‘okay … I will open the door to hear what they have to say’ but it is very very difficult to just say ‘c’mon in’ and be 100% certain it was a good decision.
Shit.

Even if you DO let them in there is a less than 100% certainty.

Letting people in is a contractual arrangement.

Yeah. I actually did type ‘contract’ in association with people.

What I mean is that we make “connection contracts” with people.

And some of these contracts are just understood.

You will be acquaintances.

You will be friends.

You will be in business together.

You will be in love.

You will be … well … whatever two people decide to be and act.

It may be clearly stated … it may not be … but having established your relationship and ‘been something’ a contract is understood.

And this is where ‘letting someone in blindly’ takes on an uncomfortable aspect.

Because once a contract has been established you feel like you are no longer blind and yet … well … you can be blind to some aspects that can truly impact what happens with that someone you have let in.

This can happen when one of the parties attempts to change the terms of the contract and the other isn’t prepared to change the contract <the most obvious example I can give is when one of two friends falls in love with the other friend … and tells them>.

Most often one isn’t prepared to change the entire contract because they like the contract the way it is … and changing it risks that the entire thing becomes null & void.

Whew.

And once THIS happens to you … well … you REALLY never let anyone in blindly.

It increases your discomfort with letting the next person in.

You realize that some people you let in are stealthy and that within something unsaid resides a misunderstanding in the understating of the contract you have created.

==

“[Do you understand me?]

I will walk without noise, and I will open the door in darkness, and I will.”

—

Jonathan Safran Foer

==

Anyway.

I do believe you only let one person in blindly.

That doesn’t mean your sight becomes 20/20 … just that you don’t do it blindly.

—

“You brave, brave thing.

One day, you’re going to

stop leaving the door open

for people who only know how

to keep leaving. “

=

Yasmin Z

——————–

The motive for not letting someone in blindly is always the same … fear of loss, fear of discovery, fear of treachery … well … suffice it to say … fear of something.

This may actually be the one time that fear is good.

In this case it creates some caution and it insures we don’t go blindly into something.

Of course fear shouldn’t dictate all behavior but offering some aspect of thoughtfulness is never a bad thing. Especially of this thoughtfulness has to do with who you decide to let into your Life.

“But if these years have taught me anything it is this: you can never run away.

Not ever.

The only way out is in.”

=

Junot Díaz

–

—–

–

“I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.”

=

Virginia Woolf

–

———

Ok.

This is about doors and opportunities and attitude.

Uhm.

Attitude?

Life almost demands that you have a little bit of a rogue in you <I just wanted to use the word rogue> in order to take advantage of all the doors you will encounter in Life.

I say that because if you wait for someone to hand you a key … or someone to put a sign on the door to say ‘this way’ you will end up standing in some hallway with all those hideous paintings you always see hanging in doctors’ offices staring at them for eternity … and going nowhere.

Assume you will not see all the doors <and some cannot be seen>.

Assume all doors are closed.

Assume all doors can be opened.

Assume all doors lead somewhere.

Assume all doors lead you out <not to run away> but they also always lead you in somewhere.

Assume once a door closes behind you it … well … locks.

Assume the doors you open and walk thru will not only open the way to new version of life but your choices can actually define you.

——

“Maybe it’s not the doors that open in our lives, but the doors that close that define us.

That guide us.

Because they force us to move on. Instead of thinking about what we lose, look at what we can gain. “

=

Katie Kacvinsky

—–

Here is what I know <not assume>.

Doors are a given in life. It is pretty much one of the few things you know will be there.

Door signs are not a given in life. It is pretty much one of the few things you know will not be there.

Opportunities will be limitless <in one sense> and limited <in another>.

Limitless in that the hallways of your life are strewn with doors. In fact … I would imagine there are so many you can be overwhelmed with choices.

Limited in that because it can be overwhelming you can focus on one door <with all the best intentions> only to find that we can become blinded to ones which open all on their own.

—

“Sometimes we stare so long at a door that is closing that we see too late the one that is open.”

=

Alexander Graham Bell

———–

Oh.

We should also remember that all these doors we see and open … well … may appear to doors crafted by the hands of Life … but for the most part are all in a home we build for ourselves.

Yup.

In general our lives are houses we build <they are not built for us>.

Therefore the doors & opportunities are controlled in some form or fashion by ourselves.

That is a thought we should all remember.

The other thought?

And while we build this house of ours … some of us are desperately bad builders and decorators.

Despite that … we need to remember … all homes have doors.

And doors open in … and out.

And you have to have the attitude to open some, leave some closed, leave some behind and walk through as many as you can <despite the fact you can’t really see what is behind the door>.

All I really know for sure is that Life is full of doors.

And I do not know for sure … but I imagine it helps if you have a little bit of a rogue in you in order to take advantage of all the doors you will encounter in Life.

“The fate of this man or that man was less than a drop, although it was a sparkling one, in the great blue motion of the sunlit sea.”

—

T. H. White

<The Once and Future King>

–

====

–

“The death of one man is a tragedy.

The death of millions is a statistic.”

—

Joseph Stalin

==

Ok.

I imagine we have all discussed at one time or another the question … “is what I do … going to really matter?”

In a world of billions and countries of hundreds of millions it is fairly easy to fall back to ‘doing nothing’ because ‘doing something’ doesn’t matter.

We see statistics and see … well … an overwhelming ‘nothing.’

Sure.

Sometimes we feel despair and sometimes we wonder why it happens or why someone didn’t do something or … well … why, why, why.

Sometimes we see statistics and say ‘why should I do something ? … this is bigger than I.’

It is hard to see that all of us matter … that everything we do matters … and doing something that matters … matters.

But it does.

One person can be a tragedy … or a victory.

One persons’ fate … even in an ocean of people … is a sparkling drop.

The fate of one can impact the ultimate fate of many.

I can give you a gazillion examples of how & when this has happened … but I would imagine you have been bludgeoned with those examples so many times your only response is:

– Not me, not my life

=

– Someone else will be that one

I have no real words of wisdom to convince you that your fate, the fate of one, not only matters but could actually be the one that matters.

The only words I have are to say ‘it is so.’

While each of us singly seems so small … just a pebble … we are pebbles dropped into the sea of Life from which ripples reach far & wide in places we have yet to see … and my never even see.

In addition … as a pebble we are constantly dropping into this metaphorical sea of Life again and again and … again.

Moment after moment after moment.

And maybe that is why we so often feel so insignificant … this multi dimensional interaction with Life in which some ripple effects somewhere & someone we may never even meet can be an overwhelmingly small but big thing to warp our heads around.

Suffice it to say … not all moments matter and yet all moments matter.

That is the maddening thing about Life.

You cannot know if yesterday’s moment mattered <and fate has been impacted> or if this moment matters <and fate has been impacted> or if a moment yet to occur will be the one that matters <and fate has been impacted>.

You cannot know if your fate will matter.

All you can do is assume it does … and act accordingly.

Assume each day stands still in a long moving Life.

——————-

“Here among the thirty thousand days of a long life, a single day stands still.”

=

Donald Hall

———

The fate of one can be a tragedy or a victory but …. I imagine I should suggest that if you accept your fate by acting and doing what you believe is right as often as you can … the ripples of your fate will impact someone somewhere positively.

And I also imagine that is the largest argument for significance of one person and one act.