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Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Holy fuck last night was crazy. After five hours of #35 pregaming, one of your bros decided to hop into the steamroller at the construction site near your place. Luckily for you and unluckily for the hourly construction worker looking to support his family aka loser, the key was left in the ignition. While fucking bro-haters might have thought that driving the steamroller might be “dangerous” or “against the law,” you’re a fucking bro, so you better believe you drove that shit to the bars. As you and your bros rolled up dancing on the #2 stolen construction equipment like you’re fucking P Diddy arriving at the VMAs, slam pieces lined the streets, probably getting wet as shit. Just as you hopped off the steam roller, threw the key at the bouncer, and yelled, “I don’t want any fucking scratches on it this time, Paco!” you were approached by some slam piece. The last thing you remember is turning to your bro and yelling “All Aboard!” before everything went black.

Now you’re making your way out of this girl’s dorm room. You’ve been on this campus for like 5 years now, but you don’t know where the fuck you are. You see the library to the right, but that shit doesn’t do you any good. You try to call your bros to get them to help you find your way back to your #32 Bro Pad, but no one’s fucking picking up. As you stumble across the quad, fighting the urge to #48 puke up whatever the fuck it was you drank last night, you see a group of girls gathered around holding up signs and shit. They’re definitely chanting something, but you can’t quite make out what it is, mostly because they’re not bros and therefore their chants sound like children having fucking night terrors. You break through the crowd like a fat kid playing Red Rover and yell out, “EXCUSE ME! I’m sorry to bother you bitches, but I’m a little lost – funny story actually - I blacked out last night and ended up banging this #3 slut in that dorm over there. Anyways, long story short, how the fuck do I get back to Cary Street?”
Immediately the entire group of girls, who you now notice all has short hair on their heads and long hair on their legs, stares fucking daggers at you. “Whoa, whoa, is this like a #98 lesbian convention or something?” you ask. But before they get the chance to answer, one screams out “BROOO!!!!” Holy shit you’re in trouble – they’re not just lesbians, they’re much worse: feminists. They chase after you trying to take out their “400 years of oppression” on you’re hungover body. You take off down the street just as your bro pulls up, “GET IN THE CAR!!!” he screams, as he refuses to even slow down. You jump into the open window like you’re in the fucking “Dukes of Hazzard.” Was it a bitch move to run? Of course it was, but what the fuck could you do? You just came into close contact with a fucking army of a bro’s natural enemy. Bros fucking hate feminists.

Question: Who the fuck are feminists? Answer: Fucking ugly bitches. Seriously, when have you ever seen a hot feminist that didn’t star in “Where the Boys Aren’t” volume 1 – 12? They’re basically girls who can’t get laid and want to take it out on the rest of society by claiming ridiculous bullshit like, “#95 Models create unrealistic body images,” and “Women should have equal rights.”

All they fucking are is jealous. They’re jealous of hot girls and most importantly, they’re jealous of bros. They realize that bros are recognized as the smartest, most important people on the planet and they want some of that fucking action, but they can’t because they’re women and by definition dumb as shit. So instead of accepting their role and losing some weight so that bros will bang them, they do a fucking 180 and whine and complain. Talk about lazy. I mean what the fuck do you want? We gave you the right to vote. We even gave you the right to drive, even though it puts us in danger every fucking day of our lives. At some point a line must be drawn. Why the fuck does society applaud feminists for making up hateful shit about bros, yet if a bro points out the truth about feminists they're called fucking "chauvinist pigs?"

The scary shit is that there are respected people out there promoting radical ideas like men might no longer be even necessary. Fucking please. Then who is going to entertain America? Ellen DeGeneres doing some stupid fucking dance? Or maybe we’ll just have endless concerts of Ke$ha singing a remix to more children’s songs. She’s already got “There’s a place in France where the naked ladies dance” taken care of – what’s next, those diarrhea rhymes?

And don’t even get me started on what would happen if there were ever a Woman President. What happens if we get fucking bombed, but the President is nowhere to be found because she’s at her Mary Kay sales club meeting? We fucking lose, that’s what happens. So basically, by promoting women’s rights you promote terrorism. Really, feminists? You really want this country bombed while our President sells makeup? Not on my watch!

The World needs bros. While the rest of the country has been pressured over the years through propaganda and sexual harassment lawsuits to be politically correct, bros don’t give a shit. It’s a depressing World we live in and to be perfectly honest, without bros, feminists would take over with their crazy ideas of superiority. Bros are the last line of defense against the Hurricane that is feminism. But unlike in New Orleans, these fucking levees won’t be breaking anytime soon. Bros are the shit.

society applauds feminism cause its so politically correct, but all they are are a bunch of pissed off ugly chicks with nothing but hemp tampons to protect them against their synchronized periods. they have never accomplished anything and probably never will because annoying loud ugly chicks serve absolutely no practical purpose, so why would anyone listen to them?

Right you are bro, feminists fucking suck. Think about what state our country would be in if fucking Hilary Cunton had been elected president? Fuck that skrunt. This country would fall apart without bros.

A woman's value should be placed solely on (asides from her rack and face) her ability to cook and clean. We know this as Bro's (our value being placed on the fact that we are tremendously good looking, over 6'4, and have a better fantasy football team than you) and thrive on that knowledge. Having a girl who can't cook or clean for you is like having a TV without a remote. Good to have but not worth it if you have to get up.

It's a toss up between Guido's and feminists. I just threw up in my mouth trying to decide which I hated worse. Mad bro points to railing a feminist though, provided she shaves her legs. Painting your version of a masterpiece on her bro hating face is instant bro cred.

My bros and I decided during orientation week to put up a sign to fuck with some gay freshman hipsters. Our sign including an arrow and a stand in the busiest places read: Free Sandwiches in the Women Center.

Bravo, NYB. Feminists are the ultimate bro-haters. These dumb bitches hate fun in all its forms and they deserve any ridicule, insults and degradation bros feel like hurling at them.

A feminist is born when a 16-year-old fat ugly girl fails to get a date to her high school prom, and spends the next 20 years hating men and crying herself to sleep at night instead of getting her lard ass on a treadmill and wearing a wonderbra like she's supposed to. Get your shit together and put some fucking makeup on, ho. It's not a Bro's fault that the closest you've ever been to Pound Town was a thursday-night cuddle sesh in college with some gay dude on your floor. When you hit 35, realize that feminism is retarded bullshit, start hitting the gym once in awhile, and get some fake titties, you might be able to redeem yourself by becoming a cougar. When that happens, give me a call. Until then, enjoy your poetry circle or wicca ritual or whatever the fuck it is you man-beasts do on the weekends.

One of my favorite things to do when I overhear a feminist say something stupid like "Women can do anything just as well as men can.", is to respond by saying "Name one athletic world record that is held by a woman."

This is guaranteed to end her retarded feminazi mouth diarrhea in two seconds flat. How about a little less yapping and a little more make-me-a-sandwich, woman?

holy shit nyb, this post is one of the best I've ever heard. I almost died when you mentioned that women endanger us on the roads, fucking true as shit! I encourage every bro, next time they hear some bullshit about women can do anything a man can, challenge them to a drinking contest. Feminists hate bros because they can't deal with the truth that bros dominate them in every aspect of fucking life.

One thing I would sort of disagree with is the title though. Bros don't "hate" feminists exactly, because "hate" implies that these ugly cows have some kind of significance to or influence over bros, which they certainly do not. Bros simply recognize feminists as the very deserving targets of ridicule and abuse that they are.

Thankfully, true slampieces are too addicted to cock to be corrupted by a feminist's whiny man-hating bullshit for more than two seconds. Feminists bitch about porn and modeling because they are jealous that there are actually some bras who don't cause bros to vomit upon seeing them like we do when we see a hairy-pitted, fat ugly bulldyke feminist wearing a lilith fair t-shirt. Why don't you girl-power me up some goddamn breakfast, woman. Leave it on the counter though - I don't want to lose my appetite by having to look at you.

I bet feminists flood the floor with their dyke juices when they see things like the WNBA, softball catchers, Rosie ODonnell, and Hillary's moldy used tampon. It's their own fault the closest they will ever come to fucking is having their butch partner strap-on fuck their cavernous belly button that's been lubed up with crisco oil. Bros need to gather up all the feminists and gingers and sink them to the bottom of the sea. Bros will keep the retards because those things are hilarious. I said things instead of 'them' just now because retards aren't people. Bros are the shit.

NYB, I have waited for this post. You are a fucking bro-champion. Honestly, if a woman was ever elected president, once a month, some poor fucking country would get fucking bombed. PMB - pre-menstrual bombing. If a woman is ever elected president, aka global-catastrophe, I'm moving to another fucking country. There are so many fucking feminists at my college, it's easy as shit to #3 call them sluts and #28 give them great fucking nicknames. And if they ever say shit to me, I, among other things, #44 make them cry, and, if all else fails, remind them #14 how important my father is, and how theirs is probably a huge douche. Honestly, if your daughter is a feminist, you have failed.

ill tell you what happens if their is ever a woman as president. once a month theyll start a war because of some bullshit bad night's sleep or something else. Also, there will be a notional tupperware day. none of this can happen. Fuckin amazing post NYB

As bros, we don't have much to hold onto anymore these days except for of course some of my favorite past times; knowing you are better than the rest of the world, being American as fuck, beating slambots cheeks and having a superior tolerance for completing benders.NYB, you remind us of the good things we still have. You need to be in the white house running this show. We will rally behind you and have a four year fucking rager while the feminists, arabs, butt pirates, all asian nations and the rest of the bro haters of the world suck it easy as they all finally surrender to the inevitable bro force of America

Seriously though, I'm a bra, and FUCK FEMINISTS. Since when is it wrong for me to like to iron and cook? If my parents weren't such bro haters I would be some bro's live-in maid right now instead of sitting in a college dorm. Why do I need a fucking education? I have tits! Feminists are fat ugly dykes who just hate on us bras because we're pretty and get bros. Fuck you and the high horse you rode in on Elizabeth Cady Stanton.

I've got some dark news. After commenting on the Top 40 Bro Colleges for Colorado State to be included on the list, not 24 hours had passed when the local brohaters struck a major blow. A group of limp-dicked children successfully petitioned the campus Rec Center to remove all dumbbells over 85 lbs because seeing people lift them created a culture of elitism and were extreme intimidating. I wish I could tell you this was a joke but unfortunately, it's very true and the brohater director of Operations at the Rec refuses to put them back out, instead they sit in storage. I immediately withdraw CSU from consideration in the Top 40 due to this embarassing incident. Hopefully you guys can stop such brohating bullshit before it occurs.

Cant believe these feminists and there constant need to bitch about something especially when it is about something that has failed terribly like woman's rights you know what happened after the woman's rights movement ill tell you 9/11 that's what happened I say all the bros of America ban together and get a true bro king elected pres to take care of this issue that has been plaguing America for far to long.

Feminists suck. If they didn't bitch about alcohol being bad 90 years ago, then organized crime would not exist. Literally by banning alcohol because it was "evil" they indirectly brought the mafia to power. Those dumb ugly bitches don't know shit.

I hop your fucking dick falls off and eats your fucking balls then fucks you in the ass. Then you could really fuck yourself.

The worst part of this is you think it's a fucking joke. You think harmless jokes like this really don't make a difference hey? When in reality it is only thing that have oppressed women have been views as harmless little actions. And look how far we have fucking got?

Next time someone you love is treated unfairly because she is a woman I hope you take all the blame on yourself, you contributed to it. Next time you have to help a women you love do something because it;'s not safe for her to do it alone, I hope it feels like shit because it's your fault. If any woman you love is sexually assaulted and her life is changed forever I hope you WANT TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF. It is your fault.

One day you might grow up to love a woman and get married, you might have a daughter. I hope you recognize all the hardship in her life and you feel like shit because it's your fault.

I don't think this bitch understands that she's outlining this post better than anyone eve could. Unless this is a "Dude". Then I seriously need to sober up for a day to look at how the world has changed. That's fucking ridiculous

The anonymous bro-hater two posts above is the cuddle-bitch who goes over to one of my slampiece's place at 3AM to comfort her after I bang her and leave to go back to the party.

He's one of these "nice guy" pussies who's in love with this cum dumpster and thinks that he'll get a pity fuck if he absorbs all her angst like the emotional tampon that he is. Of course, this never works for him. Once she's done crying, the only thing she's going to give him is a case of blue balls as she sends him packing and immediately calls me up for a return ticket to pound town.

Slampieces want a real Bro, you fucking pussy. Get the fuck off this site and get back to jerking off to her facebook pictures. She just texted me - I'm gonna go pound the fuck out of her vag as soon as I'm gone crushing the rest of this case of Natty.

There's nothing more hysterical than some fat butch feminazi majoring in "Womens Studies". As if that's a real fucking major. I'm sure all that Gloria Steinem bullshit will be real useful when you're working at Starbucks after graduation, pouring coffee for Bros while we're on our way to our six-figure corporate jobs and ski vacations with bitches who are 100 times hotter than you.

Let me save you $120k and four years of your life, honey. Here's everything you'll learn in that fake major of yours:

- "Men are evil."- "Porn is rape."- "You're still beautiful, no matter how fat you are."

^Congratulations - you just learned everything you need to know to get a Womens Studies "degree". Now take the money you would have spent on tuition and get yourself some liposuction and a boobjob instead. Then you can do something actually useful to society (like stripping), instead of polluting everyone's ears with your retarded feminist mouth diarrhea.

Why would a Bro even bother talking to a feminist at all? The only reason to talk with a woman is to bang her, and feminists are all ugly as shit so there's nothing to be gained by conversing with them.

Which isn't to say I don't talk AT feminists - yelling incredibly-offensive insults at them to remind them how ugly and useless they are is funny as shit. But I don't even acknowledge their words when they respond. I just keep on walking and ignore them like they're some insane homeless person yelling about conspiracy theories. It's hilarious to see how angry they get at the fact that I don't even see them as human.

Tho we egyptians blame the us for giving these peaces of shit the right to torture r ears with all of this crap and guess what fiminists are expanding to the middle east and r recently first presidential ellections was 100% ruined and protests are all over the country because those filthy pigs decided to choose the man with best haircut , richest and good lOoks .. Well we all praise that but when it comes to presidential ellection WTF !!! Women were created as man's companion not his rival

Better than it is now. Obama is more of a feminist than any woman ever could be. Just think about it: if he had a SHRED of bro in him, Everyone would jump at the chance to call him Brobama. Instead, Newsweek calls him the first gay president.

Firat off, whats up my bros? you know what really gets me? females being able to work and they still want te guy to foot the godamn dinner or pay for the beers before the lay. ya know what i tell them though, get yourcheck book out bitch because since men "had it better" being able to work while your ass stays at home doin what you should, you had to bitch. but now look you can bring a paycheck home now so your ass can pay for it you dumb discrace of a human.