Archives for the ‘Toys’ Category

TweetThis new boxer concepts aims to hide any embarrassing public erection drama. I don’t know if it’s a symptom of [...]

This new boxer concepts aims to hide any embarrassing public erection drama.
I don’t know if it’s a symptom of my age, or just my incredible self control, but I don’t really get erections in public. On the rare occasion that I do, I am either having, or about to have public sex, so it’s really a non-issue. Still, I know a lot of guys do suffer from embarrassing public erections, and a comp... More...

TweetMixed bag balloons help us tell loved ones how horrible they are. Balloons are traditionally sent to celebrate all kinds [...]

Mixed bag balloons help us tell loved ones how horrible they are.
Balloons are traditionally sent to celebrate all kinds of occasions, from childbirths, to anniversaries, to birthdays and even root canals. They are a symbol of celebration for all the people we love. I have always wondered though; what about the assholes?
We all have a friend or two in our lives that deserves the wrath of God upon... More...

TweetGift ideas for weird moms. Face candles As everyone who ever popped out of a vagina knows, Mother’s Day is [...]

Gift ideas for weird moms.
Face candles
As everyone who ever popped out of a vagina knows, Mother’s Day is steadily approaching. I know a lot of us come from good, loving, cookie cutter homes where all a mother wants is the love of her children and a nice tube of lipstick for this hallowed day, but this post isn’t about those moms.
This post is for all the weird moms out there. I am talking abou... More...

TweetSome toys are not actually meant for children. A ‘two finger squirter’, also known as a girl that accidentally pees [...]

Some toys are not actually meant for children.
A ‘two finger squirter’, also known as a girl that accidentally pees all over you during sex.
I don’t know about you, but in my childhood, we were so poor that we were lucky to have any toys to play with. Our idea of a good time was ordering free Bibles from TV, and then burning them on the front stoop. I know that may seem sacrilegious, but at l... More...

TweetThe ‘sex selfie stick’ allows you to FaceTime a vagina. The inside. Seriously. Have you ever wanted to have a [...]

The ‘sex selfie stick’ allows you to FaceTime a vagina. The inside. Seriously.
Have you ever wanted to have a discussion with someone’s genitals? I know I have. There is a list of very specific questions I would like to ask a vagina, such as: “How many dicks have been inside here”, “How many balloons of heroin would fit up here,” and the most important, “Are you afraid of babi... More...

TweetIntroducing a vagina/ankle sex toy, for all your masturbation needs. Just when Russia starts to fight against foot fetishists, the [...]

Introducing a vagina/ankle sex toy, for all your masturbation needs.
Just when Russia starts to fight against foot fetishists, the rest of the world decides to embrace them.
The vajankle is exactly what it sounds like- a rubber sex toy shaped like a foot, that includes a silicon vagina for his pleasure. I don’t even have enough WTFs in my lexicon of abbreviations to describe how I feel about this... More...

TweetThe unofficial Lego strip club is now available for purchase. Regardless of how you feel about actual strippers, you must [...]

The unofficial Lego strip club is now available for purchase.
Regardless of how you feel about actual strippers, you must admit it’s hard not to love tiny little Lego strippers, sliding up and down a plastic pole just trying to make a few bucks to feed their Lego heroin habit or pay their way through Lego beauty school. I only say the word Lego so many times because I think its awesome that whil... More...

TweetPenis pumpkins are the perfect way to be inappropriate on Halloween. I actually won our pumpkin carving contest last year [...]

Penis pumpkins are the perfect way to be inappropriate on Halloween.
I actually won our pumpkin carving contest last year with this veiny masterpiece. Follow me on Instagram @Gadrianrandall if you want to see what kind of dick I carve this year (hint: it will be black).
Pumpkin carving is an age old tradition leading back to the days when people actually had to use candles for light, instead of j... More...

Adam Ramos makes his living creating female rubber doll suits for cross-dressing men.
Yet again, the Internet has made me proud to be from Florida. For those of you who aren’t grown-ass men with rubber tits, “rubber dolling” is the process by which men don rubber body suits to make them look like a female (a female made of plastic that is, so basically Renee Zellweger).
Adam Ramos and his moth... More...

TweetIf you are feeling lonely, buy a creepy hugging chair from Japan. I’m not really much of a hugger. In [...]

If you are feeling lonely, buy a creepy hugging chair from Japan.
I’m not really much of a hugger. In fact, my friends have told me that my hugs resemble the cold touch of one of Death’s skeleton fingers, clasping onto their shoulders on a cold autumn night. I am also a one-hugger, putting as much effort into my hugs as I do early morning hand jobs. I keep it this way, because I don’t actually unde... More...