Some of the weird and wonderful e-mails I receive . . .

Jeff Foxworthy on Educators –

YOU might be a school employee if you believe the playground should be equipped with a Ritalin salt lick.

YOU might be a school employee if you want to slap the next person who says, “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:30 and have summers off.

YOU might be a school employee if it is difficult to name your own child because there’s no name you can come up with that doesn’t bring high blood pressure as it is uttered.

YOU might be a school employee if you can tell it’s a full moon or if it going to rain, snow, hail….anything!!! Without ever looking outside.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe, “shallow gene pool” should have its own box on a report card.

YOU might be a school employee if you believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, “Boy, the kids sure are mellow today.”

YOU might be a school employee if when out in public, you feel the urge to snap your fingers at children you do not know and correct their behavior.

YOU might be a school employee if you have no social life between August and June.

YOU might be a school employee if you think people should have a government permit before being allowed to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you wonder how some parents MANAGED to reproduce.

YOU might be a school employee if you laugh uncontrollably when people refer to the staff room as the “lounge.”

YOU might be a school employee if you encourage an obnoxious parent to check into charter schools or home schooling and are willing to donate the UHAUL boxes should they decide to move out of district.

YOU might be a school employee if you think caffeine should be available in intravenous form.

YOU might be a school employee if you can’t imagine how ACLU could think that covering your students’ chairs with Velcro and then requiring uniforms made out of the corresponding Velcro could ever be misunderstood by the public.

YOU might be a school employee if meeting a child’s parent instantly answers this question, “Why is this kid like this?”

YOU might be a school employee if you would choose a mammogram over a parent conference.

YOU might be a school employee if you think someone should invent antibacterial pencils and crayons…and desks and chairs for that matter!

YOU might be a school employee if the words “I have college debt for this?” has ever come out of your mouth.

YOU might be a school employee if you know how many days, minutes, and seconds are left in the school year!