Military AviationA forum for the professionals who fly military hardware. Also for the backroom boys and girls who support the flying and maintain the equipment, and without whom nothing would ever leave the ground. All armies, navies and air forces of the world equally welcome here.

1st place: Rather be GardeningAlthough Putin's staffers had persuaded President Bush to venture outside without his tinfoil helmet, they hadn't been able to wrestle the 'alien-deflector umbrella' from him.

"PC Smith to control....the two escapees from the asylum...yes, the one pretending to be a government minister and the one impersonating a police officer carrying a large invisible goldfish bowl... we're right behind them now; standby!"

"Well, ma'am, we gave you the stab-proof vest even though there's no chance of anyone attacking you with a knife because it's lighter, more flexible, and we paid "Wee Jimmy the Nutter" to shoot you"............

"I am sorry madam Home Secretary but as part of your Government's cost cutting measures, your new security detail will be cut down to one Superintendent and two PCs - but on the bright side you do get to wear one of our fetching new stab vests!"