Help for parents of an addicted teen

By Jenn Smith

Thursday

Jan 26, 2012 at 12:01 AMJan 26, 2012 at 10:23 AM

In the same way addiction affects the addict, it affects those living with the addict. Life for the addict and those who love the addict becomes a daily struggle. Addiction takes a strong hold over both the addict and the family of the addict in many ways.

Addiction tells lies. "If you were a better parent your teen would not be an addict." "If you had found the right help for your teen they wouldn't be an addict." "You're the problem." "You're a failure as a parent." "You could have stopped your teen from becoming an addict if you had done something about them using drugs sooner."

If addiction can get you to believe these lies, addiction can separate you from everyone else. If addiction can separate you from everyone else then it can convince you that you are the problem and not the addiction. If addiction can keep you down and alone – addiction wins.

Addiction steals. The need to get high or drunk is the number one priority of any addict. Spending time with family is no longer of any importance. Teen addicts will come up with dozens of reasons why they can't attend family dinners, birthday celebrations, or holiday celebrations. Addiction will steal your teen from your family.

An addict's need to get high or drunk means a need for money to purchase his or her drug of choice. Addicts don't care about how they get this money. They are only obsessed by the need for their next fix. It is no longer safe to keep any money in your purse or wallet unless you are going to keep your purse or wallet with you at all times. Respect for the fact that you have worked hard for your money is overshadowed by the addict's need to get high or drunk.

Addiction wins again. You can no longer enjoy family time together because addiction has stolen all or your teen's time. Addiction has also stolen any trust you had with your teen.

Addiction hurts.You want to stop your teen from getting high or drunk. You tell your teen they are grounded. You think if you can stop your teen from leaving the house you can prevent them from getting drugs or alcohol. Your teen decides not to respect the grounding and leaves the house without your permission. He or she does not come home for the night because they are out partying. You spend the night laying awake heartbroken and scared about your teen's safety.

Chalk up another win for addiction. Addiction has taken your teen across the lines of love and respect and into its world of power and control. You're hurt that your teen now cares more about his or her addiction than showing respect for you or concern for his or her own safety.

Now that you are trapped by addiction's lies, it has stolen your teen from you, and hurt you, what's next?

As the parent of an addict I suggest the following:

Stop listening to addictions lies! There is nothing you did do, didn’t do, could have done, or should have done that could prevent your teen from being an addict. He or she made the choice the first time they smoked marijuana, swallowed a pill or took a drink of alcohol to ingest an addictive substance. That choice was 100% their choice – not yours. Stop letting addiction steal from you. You can't get your teen back from addiction until your teen decides he or she is ready to fight addiction. You can make a decision not to allow your teen's absence at family gatherings to steal your joy. Enjoy the rest of your family and don't let those family connections fall away. You need the strength and support of those who love you to insure that addiction doesn't win. Start finding some bandages for the wounds addiction has placed on your heart and mind. Find a support group. Go to the meetings. Get a handle on your hurt feelings so that when your teen is ready to fight addiction you have the strength to help them.

Here is a list of some support groups for family members of addicts. Click on the name of the organization to go to their website.

Al-Anon/Alateen Because I Love You Nar-Anon Families Anonymous

This list includes only some of the support groups there are for family members of addicts. Please be sure to check for other groups in your area. You can also contact me via email a jsmith@phillyBurbs.com. If you need someone to talk to or help in finding additional resources I will do all I can to help.

The battle for power over addiction is long and hard. You can't fight for the addict but you can fight for yourself. If you take nothing else from reading this blog post please, please, please know that you are not alone!

Jenn Smith is the mom of a teen who hasn't lost her mind, but frequently can't find it. She likes AC/DC and Justin Bieber and doesn't care who knows it! She blogs on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

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