I’m on record as being unimpressed with the use of the commercial generic personals sites to find a spanking partner, but the sites do, by all reports, work for some people. However, one thing the women who use such sites stress repeatedly is the need for the guys who use the sites to put some effort into their communications. Standard English (complete with capitalization, punctuation used as such, and mostly proper spelling) really is important. The reason? Because if you can’t be bothered to at least try to compose a literate email, it suggests you are lazy in your pursuit of women. And most women include, among their minimum standards, that a guy has to be willing to go to some effort for them.

To illustrate, I’m going to reproduce an email I just got from a fellow looking for tips on finding a spanking partner. Guy-who-emailed, I’m not picking on you; these really are the pointers you were looking for. Here’s the complete email:

I came across your site on accedent…and i belive everything you say i been to that far east site and man i havnt gone totly in but the previews are nuff for me….and its totlly hard to find a sub dom perfect relationship im 20 and been into spanking for at least the past 6 years

so….im from south south texas corpus christi….latino 5’11….170lbs….but hay if you have any pointers on how i could find people like us ..i mean i have tryed ALT that adult kinky web finder but its not workin….guess cuz im not a full member ,,,,,pero….thanx for taking the time to share your experiance and thoughts with the cyber world,,,,,aloha

Ouch. Even speaking as a guy, I can say that’s just not attractive. OK, so there are hints that English may not be this fellow’s first language. Most women aren’t going to hold that against a man. But there’s no language in the world that uses five commas in a row to separate sentences or thoughts. Plus, this guy knows (look at the first sentence) to use a capital letter to start a sentence — he just can’t be bothered. Overall, this comes across as casual-to-the-point-of-sloppy. Guys, show a little effort!

Of course, he wasn’t trying to seduce me, he was just asking for some pointers. But I greatly doubt his email style tightens up all that much when he uses his favorite personals site. It should. It would help.

For reference, here’s what that same email might have looked like, if it had been written in a style that doesn’t damage the man’s cause:

Hi, there.

I came across your site by accident, and I believe everything you say. I have visited that Far East site, and man, I haven’t gone totally in but the previews are enough for me. It’s totally hard to find a sub/dom perfect relationship. I’m 20 and have been into spanking for at least the past six years.

So: I’m from South Texas: Corpus Christi. I’m Latino — 5′ 11″, 175 lbs. Do you have any pointers on how I could find people like us? I mean, I tried Alt.com — that kinky web finder — but it’s not working, I guess because I’m not a full member.

Thanks for taking the time to share your experiences and thoughts with the cyber world. Aloha!

Speaking as a woman: YES, punctuation and capitalization matters! This is for exactly the reasons you’ve listed: if he can’t be bothered to send me a careful email then he’s probably not going to be bothered to do other “little things” that I may enjoy — holding a door, offering to drive, etc.

Hey! I’m a girl, here.. and I don’t think punctuation and grammar in chatting is important. Anyway, you could have a complete asshole on the other end communicating with you in perfect written English. You think he’s an instant charm because he has mastered the English language.. you set up a date and find out the hard way that the portrait of himself he’d projected in your own mind was actually miles from the truth. If you’re concerned about “careful emails,” then please, let him know before you judge him. If he understands that it’s important to you, and he still ignores it, then of course, he’s not for you. But don’t deny people a chance simply because they are used to typing online in “internet chat” mode, sheesh!

I still believe the best way to meet someone is in person. And then.. work your magic. If you like ’em and figure you can trust them.. see how they’d react to a bit of role-play… :winks:

While I would agree, in principle, that we are becoming a functionally illiterate society, and manners and grace are on the decline, and worth saving, I have a different concern to express. I, too have attempted to meet a spanking partner, and met with considerable frustration. I am a straight male switch, so I would have thought, with both female spankers and spankees available, I would have met one by now. But, many people seem to want an “e-relationship” that is to say, they only want to flirt online, and are not willing to meet. Which is what I believe this gentleman is attempting to say, also.