Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Scene: It's the middle of the night. Jen is asleep and is awakened to what sounds like is her husband on a phone call. She rolls over, realizes that while he is indeed talking, he is asleep. And he appears to be having a phone call in his dream.

Grant: "Yeah man, well, I think we should be able to work something out. Just talk to him and then call me back and we'll touch base".....

Jen: Gently touches Grant's arm to try to wake him up.

Grant: "Yeah, I think it's, uh.... um,... it's either S-T-A or S-T-E... I think it's S-T-A... he touches me on the arm "Hey, babe... Jen... is it S-T-E or S-T-A?"

Jen: "It's S-T-A" (no idea what he was trying to spell for his phone friend but I decided to play along).

Monday, November 22, 2010

I know I don't want to, but I should. I made myself put these awful clothes on. I might as well.

This sports bra is less than comfortable.

Should I wear something with longer sleeves? When I run on the elliptical machine my arm fat jiggles.

I need to change shirts.

UGH I DON'T WANNA GO.

But I did have a small fry from McDonald's today as a 3:00 pick-me-up.

I need to go.

I hope my favorite machine is open. The one with the good TV, the good fan, and is against a wall where no one will be looking at my butt.

I hope creepy isn't there tonight.

I wonder how long we'll stay. I have so many shows to watch tonight.

I don't want to go. I don't have to. I'm not going.

But then again, I did go into Ann Taylor today to find a new dress for all my winter weddings and I tried on every dress in the store and I hated myself in ALL OF THEM. My paleness plus my arms plus my knees do not make for a good look in a cocktail dress.

I need to go.

I'm going.

I need my earbuds. And my water bottle. And my phone so I can entertain myself with apps while I run.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

It is your job to make sure people in our fair city are being safe and obeying the law.

I get that. I support that.

If I was speeding, give me a speeding ticket.

It stings a little bit since it is my first speeding ticket ever in life but I guess I'm due. I'll sign the ticket. If I was speeding, I was speeding. You're doing your job.

However, Mr. Police Officer, I'd like to point out that I was kind to you. I was cooperative. Submissive, even. I said "yes sir" and "no sir". I asked you how your day was going. I smiled at you.

You, Mr. Police Officer, were not kind. You were mean. A bully.

You were patronizing.

You were unnecessarily ugly.

You were impolite. You were less than informative. You asked me no questions about where I had been, where I was going, or even if I had any reason to be speeding.

You made smart-alec comments to my responses and talked down to me.

When you returned from your squad car with my license, you handed me a bunch of paperwork and asked me to sign it. You hadn't said what it was I was signing as you handed it over. I didn't know if it was a warning or a citation (No idea why I thought for a second that you would show mercy on me) and when I asked "is this a ticket?" as you handed it to me, your response was "Now, what does that say on top there? What does that say?". You were condescending.

As I read over the paperwork, I saw that you wrote me two citations. One for speeding on the freeway, and one for speeding on the exit ramp. I signed the ticket, even though I felt the exit ramp ticket was a bit unfair, since I was indeed getting off the freeway and slowing down. But I didn't want to question you or seem uncooperative. I had seen your behavior when I was being submissive and didn't want to begin to see what you would do if I questioned you.

Due to your rudeness and the fact that I really really get upset around mean people, I began to tear up. I didn't start to weep or anything, I just started to do the chin quiver as I handed the signed paperwork back to you.

You just walked away. You didn't say "goodbye" or "have a nice day". You just left.

Mr. Police Officer, I'd like to just ask that you may perhaps try to do your job and protect the people of Houston but also BE A NICE PERSON WHILE YOU DO IT.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Last night I had the intention to get home from work and write the most amazing blog post you've ever read in all of your life.

And then something happened called "Sneezing 47 Times in 3 Minutes" and I sneezed out all of my good ideas. Plus, the sneezing and the nose-blowing and the misery didn't really put me in the mood to write a life-changing blog and so I ended up just swimming in kleenex all night and making joyful noises to the Lord with my nasal congestion.

I'm quite certain that Grant has never been more attracted to me.

I left work early yesterday since I was feeling so yucky. I'm back at work this morning in what some people may call a "heavily medicated state" so I'm sure that I will do a fantastic job today in all things that I do and also I will act totally normal and not at all drowsy.

The only thing that has peaked my interest this morning is the fact that Prince William and Kate Middleton are now engaged and plan to be married in 2011.

You know what I love? WEDDINGS.

You know what else I find fascinating? THE ROYALS.

A Royal Wedding?! It's like combining the Oscar's, the Miss American Pageant, and Disney Princesses all in one :) I'm excited about this. Very excited.

You know what else I'm excited about? The fact that I'm going to eat soup for lunch. Because I'm sicky and cold. And soup will make me feel better.

I'm ending this post now because it is pathetic.

I'm fully expecting for one of you to leave a comment that says "You're pathetic".

Sunday, November 7, 2010

There is just so much that I have to say that I have to do the thing I always do and put them into numbered paragraphs. There's just no way to make this flow as a narrative so it has to be in list format.

I feel like I need to apologize to all of you for the lack of creativity that has been going on around here. I'm sorry. I'm working on it. But, for now, you get numbered paragraphs.

1. Thursday night Grant came home with a present for me. A Sprint Evo 4G. It is leaps and bounds beyond my blackberry and I'm so happy. And addicted. And I can't put it down. Grant is so sweet and I squealed like a 9 year old girl getting to meet Justin Bieber.

2. Friday we went out to my parent's house for burgers. It was so much fun. Lindsee came out for a visit. When she left, my niece Grace shut the door behind her and said "She was very very nice". I agree. Lindsee is very very nice.

I had to take a picture of this moment. Grant (in the beautiful hunting hat) was giving fishing tips to Grace. Grace is using a pink fishing pole. In my parent's swimming pool. Wearing a party dress. And heels.

3. Saturday I slept in (holla!) and then drove up to church for the "Band and Singers" retreat. We ate yummy bagels from Panera, worshipped, workshopped, played "Minute to Win It" games, ate Mission Buritto for lunch, and then played this crazy game that my partner and I WON. And what did we win? WE WON A $25 GIFT CARD TO TARGET THANK YOU VERY MUCH. The options. The choices. The decisions. I've decided on Christmas decor for my home. Bless.

4. Saturday afternoon I slept for a long long time and watched "The Millionaire Matchmaker" which is a train wreck that you can't look away from. It's shocking and horrible and I have so many opinions for all of these people that I can't even begin to write them all out. I could start an entire new blog and fill it up for three years full of opinions I have for the entire cast of characters of that show. At the end of each post I would have a 5 second video clip of me sitting on my couch, shaking my head and saying "What is wrong with people?".

5. My ankle is not as healed as I originally thought and I may or may not have taken a step backwards with the cute boots I wore Saturday night. Oops.

6. Saturday night was date night. Sadly, we were both a little bit snappy and didn't really enjoy our evening till about 3/4 way through when we both decided to start over and smile at one another. We saw "Due Date" which I don't really recommend. It had funny moments but definitely was not my favorite.

7. AND THEN WE DID SOMETHING CALLED DAYLIGHT SAVINGS FALL BACK DAY AND THAT MEANS WE GET AN EXTRA HOUR OF SLEEP AND JESUS LOVES ME THIS I KNOW.

8. Church was so nice this morning. We got to class early and visited with a new couple. We had an excellent teacher who taught us all about being patient. I am sooooo good at being patient. Then we went to church where Pastor Gregg taught a sermon titled "He Must Become Greater, I Must Become Less" which I totally don't need to hear because I am super good at humility and submitting to His will. Or, truthfully speaking, the sermon (nail) was very timely for me (hit me on the ever-loving head).

9. Immediately after church I had a parent meeting for the Kids' Choir. Just in case you haven't been here to read in awhile and are thinking "Holy Moly, did Jen the Newlywed have a baby that is now in the 1st-5th grade that she is going to parent meetings for and I totally missed it?!?". No, no you didn't miss it. I have no babies. I am, however, a co-director of the kids choir and we had a parent meeting today. In a room that was freezing cold. And the people in the hallway had pizza that smelled so good that I almost ate my notes.

10. Grant and I decided to go home for lunch and see what we could whip up. Grant grilled hot dogs. We had no hotdog buns. So I toasted some bread and we had a hot dog sandwich. With Fritos. PURE CLASS.

11. We went to the gym and I worked out my abs and they are now abs of steel. A really loose, cushy steel.

12. Grocery shopping trip to Randall's. (Your Remarkable Store). We got lots of fruits and veggies. When we went down the macaroni and cheese aisle I touched all of the beautiful boxes and told my babies that I missed them and that I think of them every day.

13. Grant made us dinner. Whole Wheat Penne pasta with grilled chicken, broccoli, carrots, garlic, and olive oil. And I made Pillsbury Crescent Rolls, because, as previously stated, I AM A CLASSY GAL.

14. I did two loads of laundry. Well, 3 loads of laundry if you count the sheets. We love sleeping in freshly washed sheets. They smell so good.

15. We took the puppy dog on a long walk because it could not be more beautiful outside.

This blog post must end now before I start telling you all the meals I will be eating this week and how they compare to all the meals I wish I was going to be eating this week.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

I first put on a pale pink scarf and after looking in the mirror, I felt that I needed a bit more pizazz.

Then I put on a new scarf that I haven't worn before that a co-worker brought me after a trip overseas. After putting on that scarf, I realized that it was a) beautiful and b) quite possibly intended to be a table runner.

Then I put on my periwinkle scarf, which is a classic favorite but I still felt like I needed a bit more pop.

My decision became final with the bright green scarf that my dad brought me from Ireland. It has just enough pop. And it looks super cute with my white, button down, collared shirt, brown pants and denim jacket.

The perfect fall outfit. On the most beautiful fall day.

Please keep in mind that the scarf deliberation happened as I was already 30 minutes late for work.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

1. The swelling on the ankle is definitely going down. It no longer looks like a lemon. We have down-graded to a golf ball. A bruised golf ball. I am still wearing the ankle brace, but am beginning to walk like a normal human being. Because we all know how normal I am.

2. I really enjoy the word "gubernatorial". I've been watching election coverage and "gubernatorial" makes me giggle every time. All these governors. They're such goobers. Or gubers.

3. I make it a point to avoid politics on the blog because WE LIKE TO HAVE FUN HERE but I do want to take this time to say that I am so glad and proud that we have the right to vote and make changes in our country. I know that it wasn't all that long ago (in the grand scheme of things) that women weren't allowed to vote and I am so glad that I, being a woman, am able to vote, because let's face it, I LIKE TO SPEAK MY MIND.

4. My polling location was in a Bus Barn. It don't get more American than that.

5. I am bothered that CNN is projecting winners based on 1% of the vote being in. ONE EVER LOVING PERCENT. Let's just calm down.