Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i learned this morning through a bbc show that old school karate masters can make you move at his will using only his own movements.

jahllknow there's a ninja cat around my house, dude is gray in colour. there's this other dude too, i think it's a dudette though - who i am pretty unsure about. at first i thought she was also a ninja cat, probably named after a type of flame because of her orange undertones.

but she ain't too fahckin' subtle now innit bruv.

she's upfront as shit. while the grey fuck is prowling around usually unnoticed she would simply wait and watch, very noticed. a few days ago she fuckin' meowed and motioned her way into me holding out a finger and getting it scratched to a prickly cut.

the new info that has somehow managed to establish itself into my shy attention span about old school karate secrets has made it possible for a new light to be shed on this particular creature. turns out this is the one and only, notorious, infamous... okinawa karate cat!

if you didn't already know, karate masters would call upon this secret ancient art of theirs to confuse their dueling counterpart and make them bacdafucoff. their enemies would be like 'why the fuck did i just back the fuck off?' and the master would be like 'exactly........bitch' without even talking. and he would gracefully end it with a 'now piss off biatch', using only his eyes. wow.

that's what i am, a bollocking cunty biatch. but i am honoured to be in the presence of a true master who does not only use movement, but also sound, which is another martial arts element. sound is a weapon often underutilized, apparently not by this okinawa karate cat. infact i am pretty sure she has way more in her arsenal. she would leisurely employ a combination of any of her ancient abilities to suitably manipulate every millimeter of my movement.

'that's right bitch where's my food, that's right no no no no piss stain you don't touch me, i touch you, yes bitch, yes, now get back in and close the fucking door like the gutless spine-depraved jellyfish that you are...'.

Thursday, April 02, 2009

fuck me i'm so boring. again, not bored, boring. i'm boring myself out. that's why i can't blog. i don't even dream nasty things anymore. although last night i beat a kid up for sprinkling some water on my forehead. i thought it was poison, i travelled so far in a flying car to the professor, he said it was just a stain, the kid probably sprinkled stain on my forehead to embarrass me. so went back and showed him what's up you don't ever sprinkle stain to embarrass me dunny, get up get bucked get beat the fuck up. we had thor on our team and he's in giant mode, kinda like dr. manhattan when he super sizes himself. we can't lose with thor on our team because in this made up universe thor is an immortal and if you kill him he'll just fly back from the afterlife to life and fuck your whole shit up for real. but their team has the highlander, okay he's immortal too but if i cut his head up he's gone, he's only immortal in the sense that he can live forever unless if he's killed, which basically means he can't really live forever, but he could. are you getting all this clear. btw here is a picture i snapped while peeking in the toilet, I SAW DR. MANHATTAN TAKING A SHIT:

what a sight. Except he's THE fucking mutant, he does not need to take a shit. maybe he's just sitting down enjoying a gaping hole below his anus. you don't get that everyday if you don't shit everyday or if you don't sit on the toilet bowl for no reason everyday. i mean have you ever tried wanking while sitting on the toilet bowl, if you haven't you should try it. email me the results. i think i've tried it once, there was a foreign sensation that differs from the norm. you know what, i actually have to be somewhere else right now, maybe we can continue this later. oh by the way, what should i eat today? same old same old or different new different new. mmm. okay i'll be buck aight.