In fact, I'm starting a rumor right now that Runic Games will wash your car, walk your dog, and give you a hug if you buy a copy of Torchlight for everyone on your holiday gift giving list. Because at this point it's plausible. But I think I can suspend that for a bit and get down to brass tacks. My game face is on and I'm emitting a barely audible growl. It's a no-holds-barred street fight between the US note featuring the stoic and wild haired Andrew Jackson versus the triple trouble of the Destroyer, Vanquisher, and Alchemist. So what is better then? What can twenty bones get you that beats Torchlight?

The Twenty attempts flashy graphics as well.

Challenger 1: Keeping the money

While investing in such turbulent economic times can be tricky, one way you can usually count on having money is by not spending it. But then apathy isn't much fun. And Torchlight is. And a musty smelling twenty isn't about to release a fully featured editor any time soon. I mean if they did I'd probably put something inspirational on there. And perhaps a bushy mustache on Mr. Jackson.

An exploded dye pack that warped a stack of $20 bills.

On second thought, if you have something extremely pressing like knee surgery or vet bills for your hedgehog, just go ahead and skip Torchlight for now. But it will be there for you later. When you need it. Late at night when the WoW raids aren't doing it for you it'll be waiting there in Steam for your gaming booty call. Any time you need it. Andrew Jackson cares not for your booty calls. That pretty much decides it.

Winner: Torchlight

Challenger 2: Wardrobe

A Very Dapper Halloween

While it's always a good move to flesh out your wardrobe to include the proper accessories for all occasions, they don't come for free. This bowler and monocle combo set me back the exact same as my Torchlight pre-order so it's a convenient and fair fight, I believe.

I think it's enhanced my overall dapper quotient and the Bowler was a huge success, It was only fun to wear for about a day to confuse the retail worker zombies and other onlookers into thinking I was a man of distinction. We're going on four days now since Torchlight's debut and it continues to haunt my free time, begging me to put just a few more levels on my Destroyer to make him into an even bouncier wrecking ball of doom.

Winner: Torchlight (Which sorely needs the addition of Top Hat and Monocle mode, if I may be so bold)

Challenger 3: Travel

DO NOT break these barrels open... until that whiskey is ready.

All right. Enough slow pitches over the plate here. I'm bringing the heat. One of my favorite leisure activities is travel and living near Cincinnati, there's a bevy of amazing places to visit within the cost of a tank of gasoline.
Pretty quickly, the Maker's Mark Distillery tour stuck as the option of choice. Being a regular rum man, but living in Kentucky, I'll gladly give bourbon its due and set out with my lady friend to see what this quaint stop on the Kentucky Bourbon Trail has to offer.

It started out promising with no admission price and ramped up to full blown awesome when you're invited to dip you hand into the brewing vats of pre-distilled raw mash Charlie and the Chocolate Factory style. It's a good thing it's not really tasting like bourbon at this time though or I'd have likely gone Augustus Gloop on that bad boy and ended up as a cautionary tale for tour groups everywhere.

Want some Rye? Course you do. Though Maker's uses only winter wheat for a sweeter taste.

The tour rambled on through actual storehouses where they age the liquor to taste and showcased the signature red wax dipping of the bottles. If you weren't at all impressed yet, they ply you with complimentary drinks and chocolates at the end. Seriously.

And while having your pet do many of the annoying tasks that the player is usually stuck doing in an Action RPG is grand and enduring, my dog Ibid never once brought me a drink. Runic has some work to do to catch up in to the Maker's Mark Distillery tour for sheer alcohol content.

Winner: Travel

Challenger 4: The Compromise

When tasked with finding other creative uses for $20, my girlfriend offered the option of me giving it to her. So I did. The result?

Look at that destroyer go!

She bought herself a copy of Torchlight.

Winner: Everyone.

So yeah, buy it already. I promise you won't miss that twenty nearly as much as the fun you're missing out on RIGHT NOW.

So it doesn't sound like your type of game or maybe you hate fun things? Well feel free to give the demo a try. That is if you don't mind parting with $20. Because that's pretty much the net effect of Torchlight. Great game, great price.