So O.J. Mayo‘s life of crime isn’t working out as he hoped. First he gets his time with USC struck from the historical record after accepting swag, then his short time as a Bourré cardsharp ended with a black eye, and now he’s suspended 10 games for using the illegal muscle-builder DHEA. He’s also lost points in the excuse department for using the same I didn’t know what I was doing was wrong explanation. Is there a college prospect on Earth still unaware that you can’t take nothing from nobody legally unless it comes from a) your family or b) IKEA. Nobody can be compelled to do anything using any of the balsam wood junk at IKEA. Trust me, my parents bribed me with IKEA bunkbed after IKEA bunkbed while I was in college not to study creative writing. Tough luck, ma! College comes with bunkbeds already! Boom! Thwarted. DHEA, by the by, is the exact same PED that Rashard Lewis lost 10 games for using at the beginning of the season. That’s some weak sauce, Mayo. Weaker sauce now that your sauce isn’t fortified with DHEA. What’s next in the Mayo crime wave? Is he going to attempt becoming a bigger player in the mob by offing Zach Randolph? It didn’t work for Matt Bevilaqua in ‘The Sopranos’, it won’t work for this lunkhead. I mean, this guy is really giving O.J.’s a bad name! Sam Young‘s already the starter, but Tony Allen should see the biggest uptick in minutes over these next 10 games. He’s averaging about 11.5/2.5/1.5 with nearly three steals a game when he gets 20+ minutes of burn.

Here’s what else I saw last night in fantasy basketball:

Dwyane Wade – He started the game shooting 13-for-13 from the field then went on to shoot 1-for-9. He also shot 6-of-14 from the line. Blake Griffin was at home laughing his ass off at that part. I suspect Wade was freaked out by the frog he and Amar’e dissected during halftime while both were wearing their chemistry goggles.

LeBron James – 7-of-24 from the field. He made a quick three shots in the waning moments of the game, but had been 4-of-21 through the first 46 minutes. Shawne Williams‘ defense > LeBron James. No, I’m asking. Is it?

James Jones – In keeping with the James theme, Jones sank five threes on 5-for-9 shooting. It’s worth noting that he played six minutes more than long-range specialists Mike Miller and Eddie House combined (31 mpg / 25 mpg). It’s also worth noting that neither House nor Miller are completely up-to-speed. Also worth noting? Christopher Nolan got hosed by the Academy.

Raymond Felton – 1-for-6 from the field and has only shot better than .400 once in his last seven games. He’d been shooting in the .460s through November, despite being a sub.420 career shooter. What? You’re surprised his averages are averaging out? S’why they’re called averages. If they didn’t average out you’d bleed from your inner ear before entering a different dimension.

Landry Fields – 19/13/6 The two leading rebounders from this game were the two starting shooting guards. If that doesn’t sum up the Heat and Knicks, I don’t know what does.

Brandon Jennings – He’s scheduled to return Saturday against the Nets. I understand wanting to start him against a soft team, but the Bucks play the Raptors tonight. That’s like offering Jennings a double-pack of Hostess Cupcakes only after removing one first.

Chuck Hayes – 16/8, 2 steals. This was Hayes’ second-best game of the season. This is also why leagues with fewer than 14 teams shouldn’t own Chuck Hayes.

Tyson Chandler – I love me some Tyson Chandler. 21/15 last night and is shooting .700 percent from the field in the last 30 days. I’m pretty sure the other .300 percent were all trick shots in which Chandler launched shots toward the basket by first bouncing them off Jason Terry‘s head-point. Y’know … just to keep things interesting.

J.J. Barea – 19/3/4 last night and is averaging 22/2/4 in his last two as he remains firmly implanted into the No.2 spot among NBA J.J.’s. Deep leaguers can go ahead and add him and hope this is the beginning of a streak, but do it cautiously. He averaged 6.4/2/2.4 the five games before it.

Ben Wallace – Won’t play tonight as he’s attending to a family matter, which at this point, I assume means myTV is having an Urkel marathon that Big Ben would rather chillax with.

Kendrick Perkins -10/9 with a block. He even went perfect from the line. My computer crashed when I first typed that, which clearly indicates Perkins has the shining.

Rajon Rondo – 11/6/5 with a half-dozen turnovers. Did you know that if you remove the j from Rajon that his name anagrams to Roan Donor? Yup … sure does. … Hey, if he’s not going to bring his A-game on national television, why should I bring mine to this blurb?

Nicolas Batum – Left the game on crutches. Luckily, Roy and Oden were there to help him pick out the perfect set for his body type, lifestyle and overall personality. If it turns out Batum chose the expensive bedazzled crutches intended only for long-term users, Rudy Fernandez and Dante Cunningham are almost literally the last Blazers standing.

@Brent: Your team’s biggest problem is it’s either filled with role players playing well only just now (Sessions, Anderson, Gortat, Morrow) or injured players who have left you high ‘n’ dry thus far (Iggy, Boozer, Curry).

As you said your FT% and TOVs are hurting (and it looks as if you’re probably doing best in the RBD and STL categories?) I would suggest dropping Gortat and picking up another sharpshooter or someone with efficiency stats (good percentages, doesn’t turn the ball over).

Another possibility would be to shop McGee and Lee for a more efficient free throw-shooting big man like Horford or Love.

@Adam: I could also play both serge and darko and sit rashard if I wanted, but I need to maintain a 30 pt advantage, while upping my percentage and getting blocks. with the sudden injury to dwill the categories i need to win the mathcup are fg%, steals, blocks, and points. I don’t know if it’s a good idea to sit rashard or not for points

Owning Corey Maggette is haunting me. I can’t help but think the moment I put him in my line up he’ll stink up the joint. I’m not wrong in thinking that he won’t be chucking up 20 shots a game with Jennings and Salmons back in a week, right? I feel so guilty dropping a guy averaging 19-5-5, but this is just an aberration, right? Did I mention that Corey Maggette was haunting me?

Salmons, Lawson, Roddy B, and Paul George are lurking on waivers right now. I’m guessing I have to wait Maggette out…frustrating.

@Jeremy: Daye, Miles, and Young in that order. Jeremy, I hope you never pick up the gambling habit. “Need[ing] someone to explode here tonight” sounds like talk from a guy ready to lay the deed to his house on the felt of a craps table.

@don corleoneed help: I do, but he’s played poorly all season. He started out the season as a starter and the team’s third option for scoring. I doubt wherever he goes, that situation will improve. Plus, he’ll have three weeks worth of rust and perhaps a new offensive system to get used to.

If you really don’t want to drop him for Monroe, I’d get rid of Lawson.