The Vast majority of humans that inhabit the earth want to find romance, we are wired to want to be desired. I belong to a minority in society who are not often viewed as physically desirable. Sex, Love and disability is a subject I have wrote about extensively, it is a subject I am passionate about obviously. I am sick at disabled people being treated as if we all ought to be in bed by 9pm and as though finding a person with a disability attractive is some how a fetish or down right wrong.

Ladies and gentlemen and everything in between, disabled people in terms of love, are just like you, your not a sexual deviant if you find a disabled person hot. The problem is not that disabled people are not generally attractive, it is that media creates the illusion that disability and sexuality is some how not “normal” and indeed, we are not portrayed as sexy we are either to be pitied or inspiring, never to be fucked.

When the world disregards your human need to feel sexually appealing to others, when society mocks others for finding your body type attractive it is hard not to want to find a way to accept that, romance and therefore sex, therefore children and therefore a family of your own may not be in your life. Yes this is my personal feeling sometimes. I’m sorry to sound so depressing but I’m certainly not the only disabled person that feels this way and I know that these kinds of feelings are not just exclusive to the disabled community.

Sex is a human right (or it should be) it is overrated and underrated in different ways. When sex is just sex, it is just sex the banging together of two bodies. But when sex is the act of being intimate, the sharing of your body with another human its kind of magical. Many people with disabilities can not access the dating world for a number of reasons such as their, care needs, lack of independence, lack of the confidence as a result of self consciousness due to their disability.

Sex workers in my opinion are a valuable solution to this problem. There is a horrible stigma around sex workers and the Documentary “Scarlet Road” addresses this, as well as the difficulties people with disabilities have in exploring their sexuality. Its far more than just a leg over, for example the documentary features a gentleman with a muscle wasting disability and he only has the ability to use his head, we see him explain that after seeing Rachel, (the subject of the documentary) he regains or rediscovers muscle movement. Furthermore this is a dude who wanted to end is life and seeing a sex worker gave him Happiness, Sex workers like Rachel are not “whores” or “sluts” they are fucking angels. Of course there are obvious drawbacks to paying for sex, its expensive, financially and in some cases emotionally, if seeing a sex worker changes your life, you are probably going to develop feelings for the women. It can also become addictive, if you have that type of personality. The biggest Drawback in my opinion would be that paying for sex may derail a person from even trying to find a romantic partner. There is no way a sex worker can offer anything as valuable as the feeling of love, being loved and being wanted. However, if you can afford a sex worker and you benefit from it then, why not?

If You Enjoyed this blog please check out the links below to my other work on this topic;

Are Humans stupid? Why is racism a thing? I grew up on a council state in Ashington Northumberland, where seeing a black face was a rare thing. Racist jokes were just common place, the corner shop is not referred to as the corner shop. I don’t know where I’m going with this but not a lot has changed since I was a kid in Ashington. It almost feels counter productive to discuss bigotry with the types of minds I’m thinking about here, unfortunately its ingrained and casual bigotry is seen as being truthful. Its not, intentionally discriminating against a person on the basis of race, religion, sex, gender and disability is profoundly dumb and yet very common but we know this.

The thing is though how can we condemn people who know no better than to treat any “othered” group as less. Telling people that the way they view life is wrong dumb and hateful doesn’t help, I think they have to have an experience of inequality. This is why when people blame foreigners for the country’s financial problems, I ask them to look at the leaching monarchy, here is a family who we are supposed to adore. Sorry but NO! There are people dying because they literary cannot afford to live as a result of benefits being cut while money is being wasted on a relic of racism I’ll post a video below which debunks the “fact” that the monarchy is value for money.

Divide and conquer keeps the rich, rich and the poor, poor. its funny people who claim benefits are deemed a strain on society and are chastised for “Not paying their way” yet we glorify multinational conglomerates and idolize the likes of Mark Zuckerberg who avoid paying as much tax as possible which would help boost the economy.

I get the impression that people think that because I speak out against bigotry that I’m somehow self righteous. I’m not being trendy and I’m not being over PC either I never stop people using racist language I never cry over racist jokes because one, Its not my place and two we live in country where freedom of speech allows for this. I will however call you out if your on a hitler trip calling for mass execution of an entire group. Wanting equality is not somehow weak. Weak is choosing to be ignorant and choosing to live from a place of hate. We have the internet we can choose more balanced media we can read other peoples accounts of what it is like to be a minority. The way out is education

A while ago, I wrote a short “Blog” of just random thoughts in an attempt to force myself to write more, I would remind you of the content but I have banned myself from the internet , in order to write this (apart from checking my bank of course!). yes I’m back, and rambling, you see, I’ve given myself the goal of waking up an hour earlier everyday and to write for that first hour, the content? What ever comes in to my mind that has the tangible possibility to be interesting. That last sentence probably had no right to be written.

Why am I doing this? I hear you ask, well simply because I can but I’ll elaborate. Since my obsessive Compulsive disorder kicked in at the beginning of the year, I have stopped doing everything I’m good at, I stopped believing I was capable of writing anything interesting or being interesting. In my mind I began to think that unless I could write the best thing in the history of the written word, than it was not worth writing. Same goes for music, since I spent a year researching, writing and Recording my EP “Songs of Conscious” I got it stuck in my mind that unless I could do better I wouldn’t bother. It might seem a stretch to link this to OCD but allow me to explain.

I started Cognitive behavioural therapy in September to treat my OCD and I have learnt so much about myself. I have been able to see why my wires are faulty and why I do the things I do. Without going to deep it turns out that traumatic situations have lead me to pretty much hate myself and to lack belief in myself. My mind knows how to deal with fear so, one way or another it seeks out fearful situations and as a result of this I don’t do what I truly want to do because I don’t believe I am good enough so I avoid doing these things in order to protect myself from disappointment. It’s a vicious cycle and I’m fooled into believing that I will fail without any evidence.

I achieve most things that I attempt to do, I left home and I now live as independent as possible, I graduated from University. I have had my music acknowledged and showcased by people that I respect, My poetry seems to resonate with others and people seem to like me as a person.

Before I started CBT and at the very beginning of OCD rearing its evil head, I did not want to live, I was plagued by so much pain and I believed my life was over. I could not foresee myself recovering. I bought OCD’s evaluation of my past, present and Future.

CBT has exposed OCD’s lies, it has given me so much hope and strength. I want to do things again, I am willing to try I am willing to fail. The way forward is self belief and self love. Nothing in life is 100% certain and awfull things might happen but if I buy into fear and cease to live the life I want to live I am inviting awful things, if I try my best to live the Way I want to, than I’m inviting happiness. I want to live again!