Education Secretary, Michael Gove, today denied screaming the word Ebacc into his wife's face during sex.
In his dulcet, closeted, Aberdonian tones, Mr Gove, or to the M, to the I, to the K, to the E, as he prefers to be called, stated "at no point during intercourse have I ever screamed the phrase Ebacc.
'This is a typical left wing smear campaign orchestrated by a bunch of SWP trots, who would rather see your children being let down by substandard, ugly, benefit-claiming lesbians, than enjoy the rewards reaped by the wondrous beneficence displayed by our private providers. If anything, I am more likely to scream for 'Scottish Higher!'
Mr Gove's wife was unavailable for comment.