Dick jokes

I don’t know what it is about British food that intrigues me. Maybe it’s living in Seattle, where we are inundated with Asian food, which makes British food seem exotic. Asian food has become hip, and that takes away from its mystique. British food is unexplored territory. It’s a flavorless cuisine fighting against a tide of flavor seekers.

The closest British specialty food store – The British Pantry Ltd. – is in Redmond, which might as well be in Spokane. I don’t have a car. My bus pass is like a spoiler to high school kid with a Honda. But I bit the bullet and signed on for an hour Metro ride into the heart of Microsoft country in search of that rare Anglo delicacy – canned spotted dick.

Honestly, it’s not that hard to get spotted dick. All it takes is a reckless nature and some unprotected risks. But if you’re interested in spotted dick pudding, you need to go to the British Pantry, which has been selling Anglo delicacies since 1978. I’ve seen spotted dick at the QFC a couple blocks from my Capitol Hill apartment. I considered buying it there, but that would be more of cop-out than a quest, and you know I love my area quests. And aside from tasting it, I wanted to know, of course, the source of its name. Something told me my friendly neighborhood cashier wouldn’t be the source of the food lore I sought.

The convivial staff at the British Pantry box up pastries, which the British spell as “pasties.” Just to be different from us.

The British Pantry is run by the Redman family. Alvia Redman, who manages the shop, came here as a child when her father came here to work for Boeing. Alvia’s mother brought over the family’s pastry recipes and starting selling sweets and various pies in the shop. She even made some for Prince Charles during one of his visits to the States.

When I asked Alvia about the spotted dick, she couldn’t give me the origin, but she did share the following anecdote. A participant at the local Highland Games had a can of spotted dick in his tent. It was a hot summer day, and the can burst. When asked what happened, the man couldn’t bring himself to say that his spotted dick had exploded all over the tent, leaving a sticky mess everywhere.

And by the way, this all took place in Enumclaw, the town known for the biggest dick joke in Washington state history.

I know. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

Alvia told me the origin for the use of “dick” could be that the word “pudding” was shortened, so that it went from “puddick” to just plain “dick.”

Internet searches corroborated her suggestion. The “spotted” part most likely refers to the multitude of currants it contains.

To prepare the spotted dick, you heat up the can in boiling water for about 30 minutes. It can be microwaved too, but being sympathetic to the slow food movement, I opted for the stove top.

In light of the Enumclaw story (not the one about the horse), it was a little unnerving watching that can rattle and knock in the boiling water. Fortunately, the dick did not explode. Unfortunately, I had a rougher time with the Bird’s Custard, which was suggested to me by one of the employees at the shop. In fact, it’s a serving suggestion on the dick’s can.

Bird’s Custard powder. Oddly pink. Don’t want to know.

Bird’s custard is a powdered mix one combines with hot milk. Yes, I burned the milk. No, I didn’t start over. It was late. I was feeling lazy. But I got the right consistency, and honestly, I don’t think the cornstarchy stuff is meant to be very delicious anyway. It just makes your spotted dick a little creamier.

Is that a Drake’s coffee cake? No, it’s… dick.

The dick was good. Like a good little boy scout, I used tongs to safely lift the can out of the hot water. It was fairly easy to get the hot dick out of the tin onto the plate. It looked like a bready, can-shaped cake with lots of currants. The flavor and texture was decidedly undick-like. It was glutinous and fairly sweet, if pumpkin pie were made into raisin bread. It needed to be eaten quickly, as it dried a little as it sat out.

“Bready?” “Glutinous?” “I thought this was a pudding,” you say. Pudding takes many forms. Spotted dick is a sponge pudding, made with flour and baked. The butterscotch pudding that comes in six-packs of single servings sealed with foil tops is a different animal. That’s made with milk and eggs and gets boiled and cooled. There’s all kinds of pudding, sweet and savory: Yorkshire pudding, bread pudding, black pudding (or puds)… there are so many variations, I wonder if the word is too broadly used. So when it comes to sponge pudding, stick with “dick.”