Gatto hits headlines in Noosa

IF INNOCENT man Mick Gatto keeps a newspaper scrapbook of
his colourful life surrounded by colourful identities  except
when they don regulation black at funerals  it would be
brimming with headlines from the nation's dailies, from "Gatto knew
of contract to kill him, court told" to "The new Chateau Gatto is a
house of Plenty" and "Noodles vie with pizza in Carlton".

The strain of killing Andy Veniamin in self-defence at the now
defunct La Porcella, his subsequent stint on remand (the best diet
ever) and his acquittal must have made Gatto determined to stop and
smell the espresso. Recent headlines suggest Gatto and wife
Cheryle were selling up to seek the quiet life in Noosa,
preferring moonlit walks along Hastings Street to the sound of
hoon-mobiles in Lygon Street, but his purchase of a $2 million
hacienda in Lower Plenty put the rumour mill into confusion.
Incidentally, the house bears an uncanny resemblance to the
sprawling abode of mob boss Tony Soprano in The Sopranos.
Spooky.

Noosa mayor Bob Abbot has already warned Gatto to behave
if he ventures to the Sunshine Coast because even little ripples
will be noticed. Gatto's scrapbook is about to become fatter
because a Diary reader back from Noosa reports Gatto made headlines
in the local Noosa News. Under the sub-heading "Noosa
Concerns" is the headline "Gangland figure's new life in Noosa" and
another sub-heading "Noosa People" is followed by "Noosa's charms
attract all types  underworld figures already living among
us".

Then, in the letters to the editor, Sally Moroney comes
to Gatto's defence: "Noosa residents will no doubt be amused by the
fuss about the Victorian gangland figure who has chosen to retire
in the area. After all, the Noosa we see today was largely founded
by characters from the south with very dubious reputations. At
least this chap was acquitted in a court of law."

That's Melbourne, the city of characters on the move with their
dubious reputations.

Sour taste

FLEMINGTON'S marquees are a distant memory, even though the
henna tattoos from Emirates on Derby Day still linger, but the
outdoor catering venue at State Parliament continues to sustain
ravenous MPs while the ancient kitchen is brought into the modern
era. Gourmet "roll's" are $5 but there is no extra charge for the
errant apostrophe, and a BBQ special is chicken kebabs with
lettuce, tomato and "scour" cream. As if MPs have the time to run
around and find it.

Evangelical

WHO said badfellas don't have a heart? Underworld executioner
Evangelos Goussis, being led away in handcuffs from
Justice Bernard Teague in the Supreme Court last week to
await the jury's eventual guilty verdict over the murder of Lewis
Caine with mate Keith Faure, let out an impassioned cry from
the dock: "Anastasia I am one of your biggest fans." That's
Anastasia Salamastrakis, Channel Seven court reporter.
Fellow hacks burst into laughter, she blushed and eventually
blurted out, " Thanks." News director Steve "Scarey"
Carey is all for compliments but wishes prisoner viewing
counted in the ratings.

No cream

PR AWARD for the month is in the bag already for the Victorian
strawberry producers who yesterday afternoon delivered a dozen
punnets of plump and juicy Place To Be strawberries to Jon
Faine's morning program on Aunty 774. Salivating staffers,
eager hands ripping at the cling-wrap, soon found themselves
covered in tiny crawling insects that, having escaped the
strawberry patch, went hunting for a new home in hair, clothing and
other bug-friendly habitat. Last seen, Mr Faine was galloping down
the corridor, slapping at his shirt.

No Kiddling

"WE do not make up stories," trumpeted Ashley Gray,
editor of The Picture, about steamy nude shots of
Australian Princess contestant Laura Kiddle being
reprinted in Wednesday's edition (Diary, yesterday). Laura whinged
to Diary that the interview was concocted but Gray said: "We have
notes from the interview." And this is what kooky Laura said:
"'I've caught three or four penguins. I take them to bed and feed
them curry. Usually madras because their little beaks can't handle
naan." Hot and steamy, indeed. Laura also objected to the mag using
her celebrity status by putting her on the cover without her
permission, but Gray said it was a compliment: "That's how much
more we appreciate her! She signed off and gave us permission to
use the images as much as we like. It's only enhancing her
celebrity." Not what every aspiring princess needs.

Very lice

DIARY always relishes an invitation with a difference. How's
this email from Omentum Media for the launch of Velocity software
 the first-ever product "licecycle" management for second and
third-tier businesses. Not sure about the offerings at a "nice
buffet lunch" in Coathanger City on Thursday. Wonder if hair
inspections are compulsory to gain entry. Someone should alert the
Health Department.

High noon

BIG Ronald Walker and bigger Justin Madden run a
tight Commonwealth Games ship but they have ensured what could
become a logistical nightmare will be a smooth sailing
extravaganza. The glossary in the Traffic and Transport
Guide clarifies that midnight is 12am and midday is 12pm. Just
in case there is any confusion. Just in case our overseas guests
are overcome by the northern/southern hemisphere switcheroo.

Hiss of death

THOSE poor old Taswegians continue to cop a bucketing for being
slightly different, especially after Diary brought you the photo of
Cow Shit Avenue last week. Who needs a road map when you can follow
your nose? Here on the mainland we have the scenic Buena Vista
Drive, Bona Vista Road, Bonnyview Street, Bonview Crescent and even
Bonza View, but the isle of Premier Paul Lennon has Boa
Vista Road. Watch out for those snakes in the grass.

Forgive, forget

UNFORGETTABLE, in every way. Channel Seven ended its 10.30am
news yesterday with presenter Anna Coren (right) rewriting
history: "And just before we go, it was 30 years ago today that the
nation was rocked by the sacking of the Whitlam Labor Government.
Many Australians will remember Prime Minister Gough
Whitlam's historic declaration on the steps of Parliament."
Many viewers will remember Seven was four days early. One way to
beat the opposition.

Prancing with the stars, Brodie causes a pink fit

FROM one camp to another. Magpie muscle man Brodie
Holland returned home from his training camp in Arizona to
learn that New York's pink boys are agog at his buffed torso. The
camp brigade salivates in newyorkcityboys.com: "Aussie AFL
footballer hotness Brodie Holland shook his money maker last month
in the Oz version of Dancing With the Stars and lived to
tell about it. Would our athletes be bold enough to wear a leopard
print leotard? Ggrrrrowwlll!!!" It's actually a tiger skin, but
vision can be impaired when there's unrest in the jungle. "Hmmm . .
. I'd like to catch that tiger by the tail!" writes Roger K. Calm,
boys. Calm. His fiancee, Sarita Stella, has already got him.