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LOVE IS

In the 1970s, there was a series of paperback books with comic-book like drawings of two naked people, a man and a woman, called ‘Love is’. It described in a cutesy kind of way all of the endearing things that made love beautiful between a man and a woman.

In keeping with David Letterman’s Top Ten list theme of things that either inspire us or make us laugh or cringe, here’s a Top Ten list of things, from a man’s point of view, that causes us to say: ‘Love is’:

10) She no longer goes ‘eeeww, gross’, when you pull the nostril hairs out of your nose while watching TV (She’s got her own TV room, so that settles that!!!)

9) She no longer complains about having to clean up your yellow pee stains around the toilet bowl. (You’re now prosperous enough to hire a cleaning lady to do that, so that’s a real good investment in marriage counselling!!!!)

8) She no longer gets on your case for leaving your dirty socks lying around the floor. That’s because you’re on laundry duty now twice a month, so in exchange for washing her dirty underwear, she leaves you alone about your dirty socks!!! Whatever works, eh?!

7) She no longer complains about having to do all the cooking. That’s because you got her hooked on your Mom’s killer chile, lasagna, spaghetti sauce, and spicy jambalaya. Now she even cleans up the dishes on nights where you do the cooking!!! (Pretty good deal, if you ask me!!)

6) She no longer goes on her infamous ‘withholding favours’ strikes. That’s because you now get up early on Saturdays, mow the lawn, sweep the driveway, water the garden, and clean out the garage, amongst other fun things, like you’re supposed to do, and like you SAID you’d do, so she’s much more willing to put out!!!

5) She doesn’t kick up a fuss anymore when you want to go see the monster trucks demolish each other at the stadium, or go see the wrestling, boxing, car racing, or other testosterone-laden form of male-centric blood sport. That’s because you were smart enough to accumulate a bank of brownie points by going to see her sing at her cheesy arty-farty amateur play, or accompany her to her country fair where she can buy more bric-a-brac crap to clutter up the house and trip over when you get up to go take a leak when you’re sitting on the couch watching the game.

4) She doesn’t wail on ya anymore for makin’ smart ass comments about her weight: That’s because you went on a diet yourself and quit drinkin’ so much beer and eatin’ so many Doritos, and actually did somethin’ about your own body image! Now she’s workin’ overtime to catch up to ya to see who can be slimmer and trimmer and healthiest!!!!

3) She stopped complaining about you being uncultured, and being someone who doesn’t read anything: That’s because you went to the used comic book store and bought a whole schwack of DC Classic Comics!!! Now you can have an intelligent conversation with her about the Iliad, the Odyssey, The Trojan War, and all sorts of intellectual high-fallutin’ crap!!!

2) She doesn’t get on your case anymore about not spending enough time with the kids: That’s because you’re now middle-aged and are more aware of your real priorities, and have scaled back your work commitments to a reasonable level, so as to spend more time with your loved ones. After all, your kids are only young once, and you can’t buy back that time later in life. So get with the program, buster!!!

1) Lastly, she appreciates you more now as a man who’s ready and willing to make changes in his life. So that next time you accidentally belch or fart at the table, or in bed, she won’t be so quick to get on your case!!!! Now THAT’S LOVE!!!!