It was over. Done. Almost no chance of ever going back to what we had. He was leaving, and for her none the less. I had thought it was a cruel joke, just omething he had to say to get her off his back. I found out it as no joke during the set. Our hidden sign during toys went undone. He backed away staying to his side. That hurt. Like all the past we’d shared meant nothing once she’d entered the picture. But why now? We’d gone behind her back before. Why now would he care? He didn’t love her, he loved me, but now he’d ended it. I wiped my tears away and went to Joey while Joe took a solo. “you see me crying next,” I told him. He shook his head as I left to let Tom and Brad know. As the solo came to an end I made my way towards the piano. This wasn’t part of our set.Joe had no idea what I was doing, hell neither did I. sitting down I shakily placed my hands on the keys exhaling I fought back the flood of tears I knew my eyes held. This was the first time we would preform the song live. Normally I would want as much practice as possible, but I had a message to say and this was the only way to get it through.i took one last look at Joe befor I started. He was confussed, had no idea what I was doing. With his words still engraved in my mind I began playing the intro. It must have hit him now what we were playing. What would he think? Only he’d know the real reason I was singing this song. The meaning behind the words. I leaned my mouth towards the mic. To me my voice seemed above a whisper, but I knew it carried through the crowd. My voice was shaky, but it matched the recording as I sang. “You see me crying, don't let it getcha down. You see me crying, I'm back to the lost and found.”now these words rang true. No longer was this song empty, but filled with the real emotion. “Honey whatcha done to your head? Honey was it the words I said?” that’s what I wantecd to know. What had he done to his head? Who had changed his way of thinking? Did he not care about me? Was he willing to throw away everting we had, and for what? That’s what I wanted to know. A tear fell against my already moist cheeks. Blinking away the other tears I continued singing. ” You see me crying, say your a ladies man. You see me crying, I'm so hard to understand.” It was so hard to understand. Here he’d said he’d loved me, cared only for me and then he’d ended it. Ended because of that bitch of a wife? He never cared about her before. He hated her, only felt a cold divide between them. He always told me how he wished he’d never met her. She was trouble and held no respeect for him. I did. I loved him, and was now having my heart ripped out for doing so. I knew I’d continued singing because I’d heard my voice but my mind had traveled elsewhere. More to someone and what I’d do now that it was over. This part of the song though was the whole reason I’d chosen now to sing it. And Joe would damn sure hear what I’d have to say about his decision. Only he’d know what I mean when these words were sung. “You see me crying, please say you'll stick around. And I got to be your lover, hon, let me take you to town.
And I'll show you everything that I know. And I'll never let you go... Cause my love is like a merry-go-around...” god I hope he would stick around. I did need him. I wouldn’t find out if he felt the same way till the en of the set right now only the encore stood between me and that solace for my soul. As the song ended I got up bowed as the lights turned off we got ready for the encore, walk this way. I stayed towards Brad’s side of the stage keeping my distance from Joe. The show passed like ablur. I wanted an answer, and was a little out of it, but I kept the preformance as best I could. As soon as the show ended I quickly left the stage. Seems Joe couldn’t get off fast enough either. I followed him backstage in one of the hallways. I looked him over then held his gaze. The first look he’d given me since before the show. Reaching my hand up I wiped my eyes. Lip trembling I asked “why?” he cast his head down, avoiding my eyes. Then shrugging he raised his head saying “she found out.” “so?” I said demanding a better answer. “she threatened to tell,” he said throwing his hands up exasperated. “said she’d ruin my career and yours. The band, what would I do if I didn’t have the band and you?” “I care about the band too Joe! And you, just as much if not more!” I shot back. “What if Cyrinda found out? What if she threatened to do the same thing? What would you do?” “What a cheap shot! But if you want to know, I would try to work things out. That’s the least you could do,” I said shaking my head in disbelief. My heart was breaking and I knew I wasn’t going to get the answer I wanted, so I left. Walking away from Joe, I headed to my dressing room. I ignored him calling my name and mindlessly turned the corner. How could I have known though? How could I know those would be the last words I’d tell him, the last image I’d have of him. The last image he’d have of me would be a crying mess walking away? Neither of us could have known this though. Maybe if we had, we wouldn’t have said certain things. But we didn’t know, and those things were said, and I’d walked away further complicating our situation. Of course I wouldn’t have known this was our last meeting until Tom came to my room two hours later.*********
“Steven?” Tom called walking into my non-lit room.
Choking back a sob I stood up walking forward to greet Tom.
He took one look at me and said “god you already know don’t you?”
“know what?” I asked rubbing my red brimmed eyes.
“Maybe you should sit down.” He cautioned resting a hand on my shoulder.
I pushed it away saying “Damnit just tell me Tom!”
Taking a deep breath he said “Joe’s gone.”
“What?!”
“Elyssa and Terry got in a fight. Elyssa threw milk on Terry and Joe took her and stormed off. Steven I don’t think he’s coming back, and I don’t think he left ‘cuz the milk.”
I broke down, falling to the floor a babbling mess. I’d done this. I was sure of it, if I hadn’t pushed so hard, maybe the fight would have blown over. I’d pushed the one person who I cared for away, and now he was gone, and because of me. Leaning against the wall I let the tears fall freely.
“are you ok Steven?”
“leave, just leave!” I yelled trying to close the door. As he left the door closed, leaving me in my dark room with my thoughts. Resting my head back against the wall I sighed. “you see me crying…”