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January 22, 2009

There Are Worse Things They Could Do

I mean, there aren't many worse things they could do, but there are some!

I was going to begin by asking if anybody had ever seen a terrible high school production of Grease, but of course you have, because every high school production of Grease is terrible. I don't know if it's because the film version is so popular and nothing can stack up, or if it's just not the same watching teenagers playing teenagers, instead of Stockard Channing passing herself off as a teen despite quite probably collecting social security at the time, but I have never seen a good high school production of this show (whether or not I have actually seen a good high school production of anything is a debate for another time).

When my high school did Grease, the actress playing Rizzo had these broad tics that were supposed to convey just how naughty Rizzo is: a Billy Idol like sneer, contemptuous hair flipping, gum-snapping and an unnatural, stilted way of speaking. It was, unsurprisingly, terrible.

Why do I bring up this long repressed memory?

This is why. This is why I cry at night. Because of the pain.

This development pains me for several reasons. For instance, it kind of hurts to be crushed by SIX TONS OF FORESHADOWING, what with all of the Emily mentions lately. Seriously, they've talked about her more this week than anyone has talked about Mac since 1998. Secondly, because it reminds me how much I have missed Emily Quartermaine. I mean, just think about it: they killed off EMILY via an UNDEAD SERIAL KILLER and then blithely brought her portrayer back after less than a year as a new character. Why not just stop writing scripts and have the actors just say, "For those long-time viewers tuning into today's show...suck it"? That's what the powers-that-be obviously think! Thirdly, we are supposed to believe that no one at the hospital noticed the resemblance this beret-wearing chick has to Emily? Emily....a doctor at GH. Emily...the daughter of two prominent GH doctors. Emily...a rich girl who married a prince. This show's full-blown love affair with contrivance needs to stop. Also...what's with the beret? Who in the GH wardrobe department has a fetish for crocheted hats and what made them the way that they are?

But what kills me the most, more than the contrivance and the bad acting and the knit caps, is how proud Bob Guza is about this story. He's been tauting its brilliance since Natalia Livingston left a few months ago, saying that he has this great story to tell when she returned from spreading her wings or whatever. And that great story pretty much boils down to, "So, okay, get this. Emily was totally sweet and kind and wonderful, so imagine this: there's this girl who looks like Emily, right? Except she's not like Emily. I know! She's not sweet and kind and wonderful. She's--wait for it--bad. Right? Get it? Because Emily was NOT bad? It's gonna ruuuuuuule".

As if the Lifetime Movie empire doesn't have a specific sub-genre devoted to lookalikes with different personalities! And as if those movies, while terrible and sporting such titles as "Mother, May I Sleep With Danger" and "My Stepson, My Lover", aren't miles above GH in terms of quality! Lifetime movie level is aspirational for this show!

Comments

ROTFLMAO! You are killing me here. NL is simply atrocious. She isn't even an actress. She is a walking joke. Anyone who voted for her to get that Emmy should be embarrassed.

Guza has got to be one of the most deluded people on this planet. How can anyone think that it was a good idea to kill off Emily Q and rehire the same bad actress a year later in a different role. No wonder the audience is fleeing from the soaps.

Mal and Becca, you both must have some insight to the going ons behind the scenes. Do you have a clue why GH is determined to self-destruct? It is pure insanity.

Guza's not exactly subtle with the foreshadowing. Out of nowhere Leyla is suddenly SUPER happy and actually, you know, talking and appearing on screen. Out of nowhere, Pip doesn't mind that a nurse is mooning over her (never before seen) beloved fiancé. We get it Guza. Leyla's going to die in this super exciting outbreak that Patrick could not CONTAIN.

Is it too much to ask for interesting, well told stories on this show? Yeah. I'm going to read Robin's blog. It's slightly less embarassing than this show.

I personally enjoy the fact we KNOW Rebecca is bad because SHE CHEWS GUM!! AND SHE WEARS ALL BLACK! But not cool all black like Jason..see...she's a girl so that automatically means she's bad.

And don't forget the "near-misses" they've already started...Rebecca walks down the hall...Elizabeth conviently comes around the corner RIGHT AFTER SHE LEFT. At this rate I give her two months before she too is cured by Nik's Super AWesome SNot.

At this point, it wouldn't even surprise me if NotEmily never interacts with a single Q. Because then, you know, they'd be forced to show Monica and Edward. She'll probably end up being best friends with Claudia. Blech.

seriously this idiot really killed off Emily Q and brought back the same actress which to be honest wasn't that great as Emily to begin with just so she can play this REALLY BAD "BAD GIRL" Rebecca? How stupid does he think the audience is, I mean this show has great actresses like Kimberly Mccullough who has range and has an amazing ability to turn crap into gold, but yet she only gets like 2 days a week air time, and if she is really lucky 3-4 times a wk air time but someone like Natalia who still has a longggg way to go to have range and become a great actress come back so soon after she left to play a new character who is... I just don't get it. Why is this "HEAD WRITER" NOT FIRED?!!!

The scene with Rebecca waiting to get on the elevator was just hilarious. How those actors could keep a straight face through all of that is beyond me!! I honestly was waiting for someone to break out in laughter. Somedays I tune in just for the amusement.

NL and this joke of a new character of her's which Guza is so sadly proud of aren't half as talented or nuanced as Snuphalufugus on Sesame Street, old school when he was still only visible to Big Bird!

The relentless Liz and Carly propping as the world's greatest women and mothers is actually literally nauseating now. I threw up today during GH. I may be getting over the flu, but that is not what made me upchuck my toast and ginger ale today. And if Carly calls Robin a Saint one more time my head will explode. Is that really all Guza sees in women.... sluts who kill lie and manipulate or loser saints? GET THEE TO ANALYSIS QUICKLY BOBBY BOY! You are one sick ticket.

For once I am not going to blame NL's subpar acting. I never found her a good actress, but I did like her as Emily Q regardless of the fact that she was playing herself basically.

I didn't realize how much of a void killing off Emily left on the canvas until the last few months watching Liz, Lucky, Nikolas void in stories that made no sense and don't start me on the Quartermaines.

This show desperately needs heroines. Emily was the last true tragic heroine this show had and as not good an actress as NL is, the void is felt.

Fans of this show wanted legacy Emily Q back not just another badass chick. I agree it's like Guza is saying Na Na Nana Na to the audience and telling us all to f-off.

So I know I am in the minority around here, but I for one love Natalia Livingston. Is she the best actress on GH? No, that would be the poor, underused Nancy Lee Grahn, but Natalia Livingston is not the worst actress on GH either. She did very well with the material she was given, especially the cancer storyline and, as much as I despised the story, her acting after Emily was raped was also very good. And as far as her portrayal of her new character is concerned, I don't think it is fair to judge her performance based on her scenes thus far, which have consisted of lurking in the background and having Matt Hunter flirt at her. Natty just began filming again; she's going to need time to flesh out a character she admittedly does not know a lot about because Guza, in all his infinite wisdom, is keeping this new "amazing" storyline close to the vest. I'm sure it must be difficult for Natalia to get comfortable in her new role. After all, she played a genuinely good, kind, sweet heroine for years, and I think she played Emily well. She was, in my mind, the perfect choice for a grown up, mature Emily who was, as Natalia has said, the glue of the canvas. While I am hoping like hell that Rebecca turns out to be a brainwashed Emily because I miss Emily dearly and miss the legacy and history she brought to the canvas, I am going to still support Natalia Livingston and give her the benefit of the doubt as she acclimatizes to her new character. People can bash and criticize her all they want, but I would hope they at least consider the possibility that she is portraying a character created by Bob Guza, who's penchant for caricature and stereotype is well documented, and that her characterization thus far has been based on Guza's writing.

Phew... that was quite the pontification, wasn't it? Sorry for the lengthy post, but I just had to defend my girl. ;)

There goes any desire I have to watch GH even on YouTube. The chance of accidentally catching NL acting is too great. I disliked her when she was Emily, there's absolutely no reason for me to tolerate the actress now that she's playing this new person Rebecca.

Besides, I say around May Rebecca will be revealed to be Emily and Guza will publicly pat himself on the back and gush about how original and groundbreaking the storyline will be.

The only reason GH killed off Emily and brought her back as Rebecca is because Guza can't write for "good" characters - he can only write for "bad" characters. GH needs to hire a writer that can write BOTH!

Janet I was sooo thinking Bill Eckert!!! Oh Bill...you never had a chance. I mean sure you were the "identical cousin" to Luke...which always made me start singing the theme song to Patty Duke (I was a strange child ok???? just go with it) but did you ever really catch a break?

I wonder whose idea the gum chomping was...because it's seriously, SERIOUSLY, annoying. So, if I add that to all the other annoying things about the show...(multiply by 25, carry the 8, add 15) well...looks like I've got myself a real waste of time...and YET...I'm stupid enough to still be watching. Damn that Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough. It's all their fault. :) HEY, maybe if they started chomping gum...I could quit!! :)

This a story from Guza - the man whose idea of an engaging Quartermaine story is to kill one off annually, and who has the brilliant idea of having Sonny father all of the next generation of PC kids so that we can do a "Flowers in the Attic" story next.