Yeah. Don't be confused, cause like if you're not living in Canada then you probably didn't realize that Canada celebrates Thanksgiving in October, and not in November like the Americans.

Bob

Yeah, we had it first, which means we came up with it.

Doug

Or something like that. So we're gonna show you how to celebrate Thanksgiving, where we give thanks for the beer we have.

Bob

Okay, I'm gonna make a beer turkey. I saw this show on TV once where the guy took a can of beer and stuck it in a roasting chicken, then put them in the barbecue so the beer marinated the chicken. Now I'm gonna do the same with a turkey.

Doug

Beauty.

Bob

So where's the turkey?

Doug

Huh?

Bob

The turkey I asked you to get.

Doug

What do you mean? I was with you all day!

Bob

Oh great, so there's no turkey?

Doug

Well, you should have reminded me!

Bob

You hoser! Now we have nothing to do for this show!

Doug

Yeah we do. Just use this back bacon instead. (opens a pack of back bacon and puts it on the table)

Bob

(piling it into a mound) Okay, okay. So, we need to make the back bacon look like a turkey.

Doug

You need to do like Bugs Bunny does and form it into the shape of a big turkey or something and use two sticks of dynamite as the legs.

Bob

Only if Elmer Fudd starts chasing you with his shotgun again.

Doug

Well if you weren't wearing that hat with the ear flaps I wouldn't have thought you were him.

Bob

Yeah, maybe if you hadn't have drank all those beers. Anyway, I guess we'll cook this on the Coleman since we don't have a stove, and in the meantime Doug will tell us the story of Thanksgiving.

Doug

Wha? Me?

Bob

Yeah, you!

Doug

Aw geez. Um. So a long time ago the pilgrims came to America and...

Bob

No, no. That's the story of American Thanksgiving. Tell the story of Canadian Thanksgiving.

Doug

Oh, okay. So like a long time ago the pilgrims came to Canada and said "geez, it's really cold here, eh!" and then they came across an Indian village and the Chief said "come to our village and we'll have a beer" but it was in Indian right so the pilgrims who were lead by Jacques Cartier thought he said "come with us to the village where will drink a Molson Canadian" so they thought the name of the whole country was Canada except for one guy who said "but I think it means that set of houses over there" and then the priest got mad and said "no, that's the name of the country" so that's the story of both how Canada got its name and the first Thanksgiving.

Bob

Wow. That was amazing. So the beer was named first?

Doug

Uh, yeah. Why do you think we drink beer on Thanksgiving?

Bob

We drink beer every day.

Doug

Fortunately for the Indians, it was October so they didn't have to put their beer in the fridge to keep it cold, they could just leave it outside since the fridge wouldn't be invented for another hundred years or something.

Bob

But that wouldn't have worked this year since it's really warm out.

Doug

Yeah, if it was this warm when the pilgrims came they wouldn't have been offered a Canadian when they got here and who knows? The country could have been called "Budweiser" or something.

Bob

That would have sucked.

Doug

Yeah. Hey, what's that burning?

Bob

Geez! The beer's on fire! (kicks the bottle off the table)

SFX

Bottle crashing on floor (the beer spilling out stops the label from smouldering)

Doug

Um. Okay, so next time we'll make sure to remove the label from the bottle before cooking the turkey with it.

Bob

Yeah. Geez. I think I got dirt from my boots on the back bacon turkey.

Okay, good day, we got some real good news for you! The show we were first on, SCTV, came out on DVD in June, eh! So like if you have it then watch classic Great White North moments such as "The Best Groups and Doug's Imitations", "Traveling and Salaries", "Making Doug Go" (take off, eh! - Doug), "Parking at Donut Places", "Backbacon and Snow Chains", "Stuff that Bugs Us", "Calculators", our show with Ian Thomas, and our National Anthem. And if you don't have it, then why not, eh? Check out the article and the review. And like later this month the second set of DVDs come out, so go get them too, eh!

CANADIAN CONTENT CERTIFICATIONTHIS ONLINE NEWSPAPER IS CERTIFIED 100% CANADIAN CONTENT BY THE CANADIAN CULTURAL IDENTITY COMMISSION.

The Hoser

My main page, with news related to a bunch of Canadian comedies, including SCTV and The Red Green Show. There's also sound clips from both of those, plus an online newspaper, The Hoser, "written" by Bob and Doug McKenzie.

Contact Bob

Send me your questions or comments about anything on the site to codorjan@gmail.com. I'll try to reply within a few days of receiving the message, but make sure you tell me what page you're talking about.