Just when you think its going well

They have to make bad decisions. I have been avoiding the calls from gfg2s Residential Treatment Center (RTC). husband has been taking them as I just can't hear one more thing that he is doing (He ran twice last week and those are the good things).

So when gfg1s Residential Treatment Center (RTC) called I answered it. She has been doing reasonably well. Not great but in difficult child terms well. Evidentally she punched a wall today and cut herself (something she hasn't done in over a year). As the staff person was telling me the things difficult child 1 would not give up her earings. So I asked to have her put on the phone. She refused. I said that if she wasn't going to cooperate that we would not come down tommorrow for the staffing we would do it by conference call with the dhs worker. She said she didn't care and wasn't coming to the phone to listen to me. Something about having rights. I said to the worker remind her that her dad and I have rights too. It ended with her doing even more while we were on the phone.

So when the worker called back husband and I had talked and we said we were going to stick with the decision of not coming (she is 3 hours away) because if we didn't stick to it we would be defeating our own purpose.

I hope that you and husband will use that extra time tomorrow to do something nice for yourselves. I'm sorry that she is acting out. Is there any idea of what is bringing this on? Maybe she is getting nervous about the holidays, as well.

Her thing is if she refuses enough/won't cooperate then she will not turn 18 in May. That is her difficult child rationale. If she doesn't want it it won't happen. We thought we had gotten through to her but alas we have not.

husband can do some work at another place tommorow that called to see if he was available and I will be tackling my table of doom. I think those things will make us both feel like we accomplished a whole lot more than when we get off the phone from the staffing. As we will say the same things we have been saying for monthes. Either that or we can just be silent except to say well since you already know what we are going to say it is your turn to tell us how you are going to get things done.

I really don't know what to say? Is there any reasoning with a 17 y/o ever? Combine being 17 with being a difficult child. The rationale & thought processes are just not clicking.

You & I see a goal .... a path to the goal & work out the plan, map, whatever we need to get there. A difficult child sees the goal & dashes madly toward it with-o considering any of the consequences of not planning working a goal out.

You're difficult child is coming to a "goal" that cannot be stopped - she sounds terrified. You'd never know it by her actions though.

I'm glad that you're skipping the drive - it's just as well to attend via conference call. It's just as well to stay home & accomplish things that need to be done that drive all that way to have to drive home in an uncertain emotional state.

Give her credit, at least she's sensible enough to understand that adulthood is not easy. This may be the time to reassure that while she may be of legal age, it doesn't mean that she will be tossed out the door and forced to have all the adult responsibilities as soon as she turns 18. Let her know that so long as rules are reasonably followed and which rules are absolutely sacrosanct, she will have the comforts of home or at least the support of you and husband.

I truly think that many kids are terrified that they will hit 18 and be forced to become adults. They know they're not ready and it scares them to no end. Maybe if they act 15 or 16, they won't have to be adults and can keep on being kids. The bigger problem is the ones who think 18 means having all the privileges of adulthood with none of the responsibilities.

Hope things can be worked out for now and good for you for not going. Phone conferences can be of real benefit.

(((gg))) I'm sorry she's acting out and I hope you and H have a good day tackling your things.

I apologize for asking, but what happens when she turns 18? Will she be released? If so, into whose custody? If not, do they do some type of training or something or other to help her adjust to her semi independence?

I'm sorry, but I'm so ignorant when it comes to the terms involved with Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s. Thanks in advance.

As for when she is released she will be on her own. They are working with her on what she will need when she is on her own. In the area she is with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) there are many more opportunities for her than in our home county.

We discussed with the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) staff that having her come home at 18 would end up being detrimental to her. Hopefully the call will go better.

We go to a session on next Sunday so maybe participating by phone today will make things better on Sunday.

Big hugs........I am so sorry she is being so difficult and having so much trouble.
I hope you are able to have a peaceful, and quiet day - and that she is able to calm down and do some reflecting as well.

Ah, Beth, knowing that she is on her own as of 18, I can see a bit why she acts how she does.

I don't claim to know much of anything about your situation because I really don't, but as an outsider looking in, I think MB made a few valid points. She is probably scared to death at the thought becoming an adult. And probably moreso than the average teenager, who go from a house to adulthood. She is coming from a very strict, safe environment into the "cold cruel" world. How frightening.

Extra hugs for you, and props to you & husband for sticking to your guns.