Tag Archive: birth

44 years ago I did nothing heroic. My mother did all the work. And in my case a few doctors were involved and we both nearly died and my non-emotional dad told my mother he loved her for the third time only. Ever! (odd man he was – he said he told her once and that was the state of being and he would tell her only if it changed. Which in some weird way I get.)

I do get that it was a big day.

But the point is that of all the people involved, I did the least. Mom pushed and was sliced, dad paced and was worried, aunt looked after brother who was overjoyed at a sibling. All I did was get yanked out and screech. And I managed to be a girl which was the plan all along.

But again – I did nothing

And yet, every year on the 2nd November I get gifts and treats and congratulations. ‘Well done’ says everyone, ‘let us all celebrate the day on which you did the least you have ever done in your life.’ And at the same time let us not even consider the people who did all the work. Or really, the pushing, sweating, in-pain mother who did everything.

So, while I love the gifts and never want them to stop coming, today I sent my mom flowers.

‘Thanks for having me’

I think we should all do this on our birthdays – cos we should really be thanking them

It was with a surprising lack of mixed emotions that I heard of the birth of my dear friend’s baby. All I felt was joy and some oddly inappropriate pride.

And that in itself was amazing. This friend and I and the baby have come a long way.

I dislike babydaddy with a frightening passion. Friend and I ‘broke up’ after years of very close friendship cos babydaddy lied about me and she believed him. I was done and over and even moved away. Then I heard about the baby and got over myself.

She and I have been speaking and have repaired our friendship, with the single exclusion of not talking about him or their relationship. I will never forgive him for lying about me but I will suck it up cos I love her.

But the baby! Now that’s a whole different thing. When found out she was pregnant I was glad for her and angry with the universe in equal measure!
I didn’t get to have a baby and I did all the right things in life. She behaved badly (in my opinion) at the start of this relationship with babydady – and gets rewarded with a child. (I never said it was logical)

When I found out she had asked the Fire in a sweat lodge I was with her in, to replace her anger with a baby, I wept.

I felt like she had cheated by asking.

Luckily she and I always had had a friendship in which we could talk about this kind of thing – and did again. I was distressed beyond expectations that she had asked for a child. And she knew I would be. Which is why she told me – not to hurt me but to get it out and over and done with.

She understood my feelings of being cheated even if they made no sense whatsoever. I was unsure of how I would feel about the actual baby – the existence of it in their unit.

Not that I have any right to feel anything but who said emotions follow the rules?

Yesterday we spoke while she was in labour – she had to hang up when a monster contraction hit. All I felt was joy and excitement. And a tinge of sadness at being so far away – who knows when I will meet the blighter.

Then at 7am this morning she smsed me to say that after 28 hours of labour she had had to have a Caesar at 5am today.

All I felt was joy and gladness and that rush of a miracle that a perfect, whole, intact human being existed in her life and the world.

No envy
No jealousy
No coveting
Not even any begrudging sneer in the direction of babydaddy
Just happiness for my friend and her baby