Wednesday, January 19, 2005

a couple why? answers for no reason in particular

I'm not posting much lately. I probably won't post much in the next couple of days. I am Soooooooo sick. I was fine yesterday, sneezed once or twice, and today I got up and it was like WHAM "I'b doooooooh sihg........" I mean, how is it that I didn't feel this one coming on? Usually I know when I'm starting to get sick. Yesterday all I did was sneeze. Like twice? Today I ache all over, so sleepy, can't talk, and am carting around a sorry looking roll of toilet paper (cause I'm cheap and real tissue is not) which thankfully is the cushy kind because DH doesn't like the cheap stuff so my nose isn't raw yet. People, I even called in to work sick. I never do that on the first day of an illness - usually I suffer through a day or so and then stay home out of pity for my co-workers. I've been battling nausea all day off and on - it hasn't been so bad that I can't eat, but it may get that way soon cause THIS IS ONLY THE FIRST DAY OF THE COLD! Bleah... I could go into more detail but I will spare you the mental images. Suffice it to say that I didn't get dressed today adn spent a good part of it sleeping on the couch, sitting up periodically to blow my nose.

Speaking of which - is it weird that a runny nose wakes me up? I mean (for those easily grossed out people, resume reading at the next paragraph) it gets right up to the edge of the inside of your nose and teeters there like "I'm gonna drip! No, I'm not, keep sleeping... WAIT here I go! Nope, false alarm, sorry..." and that weird feeling of almost-drip is what wakes me up. Sometimes I can roll over and that solves the problem, but most of the time I wake up just in time to sit up - grab a wad of tissue and staunch the flood that had been collecting in my sinuses and is now raging through my nose due to the wonderful effects of gravity. Do you think that is weird that something like that wakes me up? Or is it just weird that I would actually write about it?

***

I got an interesting email today from someone named Joyce Matty. She wants to know how interested I am in scamming the Zambian government. (It't a variety of the Nigerian scam) I read the mail, pondered for a little bit and decided that she was lying to me. The clincher? She addressed the mail to "Dear sir".

The last time somebody thought I was male was back in high school when I got a really super short haircut and actually shaved the back of my head (hey - I didn't claim to be normal - I just claim to have turned out okay) I was in the lunch room waiting to turn in my tray and utensils and the janitor walked up behind me and said "Excuse me sir" which I totally ignored because, what, SIR? Couldn't be me. Then the janitor tapped my shoulder and said "SIR, can you please move?" I turned around and the janitor stepped back a pace or two and said "Uh, uh, I mean Ma'am, I'm so sorry, I thought you were a boy" Hoookay, must have been an adult thing to do - I'm obviously female. Then later that day I'm walking down the hall and there was this girl who followed me down the hall calling "Bud! Hey BUD - wait up!" (A boy in my grade was named Bud - don't ask) I totally ignored it because, hey, I'm not Bud, right? Finally I hear this CLACK CLACK CLACK of someone running in heels and then this HUGE weight suddenly on my back and shoulders. SHE JUMPED ON ME! She JUMPED on me because she thought I was BUD! I was so completely mortified. She was embarassed as well and on that day I vowed to grow out my hair and NEVER wear it short again. I haven't either. I've thought about it, but I flash back to the janitor and the jumping and say to myself "no MA'AM, not going to do the boy thing again".

***

Hope you all are doing well. I've just gotten a really bad case of the shivers again so I'm going to take my nyquil and go to bed. I'm going to pray that this moves out of my lungs just as fast as it moved in cause folks, MY LUNGS HURT. I know I've got my athsma meds around here somewhere - haven't needed them in years (since I quit smoking - go me!) but I think I'm going to need 'em tonight. Bleah.... So, if there isn't anything funny or any updates posted for a while, you will know why. I'm curled under 5 blankies that I am alternatingly climbing under and taking off, I'm wheezing in my sleep and waking up cursing the gosh-darned faucet my nose has turned into.

2 Comments:

I remember that haircut! Out of the goodness of your heart you went to the local beauty college to let someone practice on you. Did they ever. Short haircuts were in style back then, skater style. It didn't look bad when it grew in and you couldn't see your scalp anymore. I had my bad haircut too. I had a mullet in 8th grade. Talk about after-haircut remorse!

Take care of yourself! Lots of green tea and Zicam! It cuts the duration of your cold in half. Put it on a q-tip and put it inside your nose. Whatever you do, don't snort it. It's not supposed to get up THAT far, plus it might kill your smell receptors. How's that for an endorsement?-J from MI