Loved ones still seeing, feeling the presence of the departed

Tuesday

Jan 13, 2009 at 2:00 AM

Losing someone close is devastating. The way back can prove hard.

Jeanné McCartin

Losing someone close is devastating. The way back can prove hard.

Elaine Wiesman of Brentwood, former bereavement program manager for Seacoast Hospice, says numerous things contribute to healing. Key is finding a safe place to grieve, with someone who will validate and listen.

Beyond that, for some, solace is found in a continuing bond with the deceased. It can be found by participating in something a person associates with the deceased; perhaps by joining Mothers Against Drunk Driving, participating in a breast cancer awareness marathon, or working for a hospice program.

Continuing bonds can be in a strong sense of the deceased's presence. And then there are the "extraordinary bonds." These too differ, but they can take form in outstanding "coincidences," sounds, smells and even visual occurrences.

Wiesman has experienced this phenomenon professionally and personally. She lost a 21-year-old son 12 years ago.

In her case she felt a simple occurrence was a sign her son remained in spirit.

"He loved Christmas. It was a January death," she said. "My sister played Christmas songs as part of the service. The only time it snowed was when she played."

She'd heard numerous like stories while working with the bereaved, of timely songs or simple objects appearing at the right moment. To her, this was a sign from her boy.

Lori Davis-Miller's experiences would be considered extraordinary among the extraordinary. She's kept a log of phenomena that have occurred since her daughter Maria's death at age 16, two and a half years ago.

"Signs can come in all sorts of forms," says Davis-Miller of Stratham. It can be "messages on billboards or signs or license plates or specific songs being played on the radio, or funny things happening to lights." They make it impossible to believe "that our lives are over once we die," she said.

One of her most dear stories is of an olfactory sign: the scent of vanilla, Maria's favorite. On a number of occasions she would catch the scent of vanilla in her home. She and her husband looked for the source the first time it occurred. It was never found.

Eventually a couple of stuffed bears, not manufactured as infused critters, were identified as sources. Eventually Davis-Miller asked Maria to send a sign by making it happen to a third. "The next morning I went into Maria's room and picked up the little brown bear and put it up to my nose. What do you think happened? " she said. "It smelled like vanilla.

At one point the scent was gone. Depressed, she asked Maria to reinfuse. It occurred. Two years, five months later the scent remains.

"I believe (the deceased) send signs all the time. They're always trying to get our attention. It's just being open enough, not letting the grief get in the way so you can see those signs."

Alida Davis-Sheridan of North Andover, Mass., is Davis-Miller's sister. She's experienced similar incidents, but has more to add. Both women started reading about extraordinary connections; amassing a small library on the subject. That was how they recognized the "orbs of light" that kept showing up in pictures taken by family members.

They appeared in photos taken at different location, with different cameras. But over and over, after asking deceased family members for signs these orbs appeared in photos.

"For me the most validating signs of this 'other side' ...; are these orbs," said Davis-Sheridan. "Maria's around us, just in another form."

Susan LaBonte of Stratham lost her daughter Myra in 2006. The two were very close, "best friends," she said. It was small signs at first; "coincidences" that answered questions.

The most startling occurred at the cemetery where her daughter was buried. She took the dog to walk the grounds and visit the grave. After a few loops, having just passed her car, she heard an internal voice command she turn around. She ignored it. It became insistent. "I turned around and there was Myra, in the back seat...; as clear as if she'd been in the car, as if she were waiting for me," said LaBonte. "Then she vanished. ... I will never ever forget any of this."

There were other incidents: Myra's angel, fridge-magnet chimes, rings with no cause and an angel figure that formed in ice at the base of Myra's gravestone as LaBonte watched.

"When I get a sign I feel they're truly directed right to me," she said. "I really feel Myra is at peace."

Myra's best friend, Amy Post of Raritan, N.J., has also experienced the extraordinary numerous times. But perhaps most profound was a vivid, prophetic dream.

Post had worried about continuing a relationship with Myra's parents. In a dream she was dining with them in a restaurant, when Myra appeared and gave her approval. Months later, while visiting the LaBontes, they took her out to eat.

"It was the exact restaurant as the one in my dream. I'd never been there before!" she said. " It reminds me they're still all around."

Wiesman warns, these experiences don't happen for everyone, "and it can be very disheartening," she said. Occasionally, instead, it happens to someone close to them. "Sometimes people are too raw to hear directly so they get it through another person. ...; It can be in many ways."

Advertise

Original content available for non-commercial use under a Creative Commons license, except where noted.
seacoastonline.com ~ 111 New Hampshire Ave., Portsmouth, NH 03801 ~ Privacy Policy ~ Terms Of Service