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Pic 2: Show's that this was more than likely printed out double sided or the photo was taken with page 2 attached. You can barely make out the table at the bottom of the second page and part of the signature 'bleeding' through the page.

as soon as I saw the op's pic, I knew he was crazy. I didnt even know what he was going on about at first. I could immediately tell that he was just looking at one section (the mother section) of the form. That looks like a form I have filled out before- I think it is a very widely used template. Shit - I might even be able to produce one right now from my file cabinet.

So - dude cannot properly read and fill out a form, and reaps a billion karma. Awesome.

I have shared custody of my kids but because of the mom moving for a job I basically was a single parent last year so one of them could finish school out at the same school, the real situation is that most places go out of their way to accommodate fathers despite the fact that moms make up 85% of single parents. For many places its over 90%.

This is what my dad had to deal with while I was growing up as well. Whenever he or I had to fill out any paperwork for school or otherwise, I would get kind of pissed seeing this shit because my mother was a good for nothing and did not deserve to be a "required" contact. I'd legit cross out mother whenever it showed up first and put father instead. Why? Because fuck your paperwork.

He now works helping fathers gain custody of their kids from the shitty mothers who abuse the system.

edit:(repost from a comment further down) To avoid confusion, as I feel some of you might have misinterpreted, he's a social worker/case manager, not a lawyer or anything like that. He works hands on helping fathers through the system to try and regain custody, partial custody or even just visitation rights when they are good people who deserve to see their children.

He's also a certified life skills facilitator, and works mostly with... "low income" and "lack of higher education" individuals (him trying to be politically correct) as well as ex-offenders.

If people are still interested in what he does and his experiences after realizing that he doesn't do an actual legal representation, he said he's willing to do an AMA.

Damn this hit me hard, my mother abused me physically and mentally for a long long time an every time someone else in my family tried to help she would cry in court, and i don't mean to sound whiny but it works, a situation like that the judge is already on the woman's side before anything even starts even if they don't know it. It was horrible when it was always a woman from social services who came round and wouldn't listen to me because my mom could just use the old crocodile tears.

Whenever something like this happened i would get fucking hurt and i mean hurt not just the burning and slapping but being called worthless and that i ruined her body.
Eventually when i was 14 i got out to live with my nan, if it wasn't for that i would probably be dead.

I was fucked up for a long time wouldn't let people touch me, used to wake up screaming and in tears because i still saw it all happening in my sleep, i had panic attacks and couldn't be around others long. I never got to choose what i wanted to eat because fuck if i ever went to something like a shopping center i would be in tears in seconds. It took me years to trust anyone again even my nan but eventually i was able to open up to two people.

I think i still have a bit of a fucked up view on the world but i still believe peoples attitudes need to change and people need to understand males are not the only ones capable of abuse. Sorry for the essay but that felt good to get off my chest.

Edit: Wow didn't expect such a massive response, thank you so much for your comments, really they mean a lot.

It's good to tell your story. The more people who come forward to share like this, the fewer people who will feel alone in similar situations and more people who are aware of how this sort of problem can arise.

OMG, please tell me you and your Dad are in Ontario, Canada. Hubby and I are going into round 2 to get custody for his 5 yr old daughter. We're stand up people with steady jobs, a car, stable home life. "Mom" plays the system, has moved 8 times in the past 4 years (twice into shelters, and across 3 different cities), hangs out with thugs where ever she ends up, and we're 95% sure she's involved with drugs and/or prostitution. Daughter is with the maternal grandmother right now (Children's Aid stepped in), and even still it's turning into a battle to get her from Grandmother. We went through all this 2 years ago and got over 20G in debt with nothing to show for it. So this time around we're trying to do it ourselves through the judicial system.

You beat me to it. I fill out 3 of those damn cards every year and there are always separate sections for mother/step-mother and father/step-father. I really don't understand why someone would post a pic like this when anyone with kids in school would know it's fake...

One thing that always bothered me when our daughter was a baby was that her dad would take her into the men's bathroom to change her and there was NEVER a changing table in any of them. I would get angry that it meant I always had to change her when we went out, the fact that he would have problems if he took her alone somewhere, and I always thought, "well what the hell do single dads do?". Totally unfair.

Strange how different things are in Europe. Here in Finland, there are dedicated bathrooms for handicapped as well as changing / child care, and are unisex. A single father has equal status as a single mother. (FWIW, I'm an American father living in Finland 25+ years)

We make do. Normally a row of sinks is ok, depending on the size of the child. Last time was a nightmare, I had her hopping on a pissy floor to try to get her changed. My little brother said, "Why is there no changing unit?"

Single father checking in here. On my son's school papers, there were both YES and NO boxes to check as to whether or not the father was allowed to pick the child up from school. Next to the mother, there was only one box...guess what? It was labeled YES. I drew a box, wrote NO next to it and checked it.

Also, every time I look for any sort of parental assistance, everything is geared toward "single mothers" and not "single parents", which is the way it should be.

I was kicked out of girl scouts as a kid because my Dad brought me instead of my Mom. All the other kids had their moms bring them, and apparently they were appalled because they couldn't fathom why he would want to be involved in my life. Keep up the good work.

Sexism is rampant. My co-worker won custody of his daughters when he divorced. He later filed for wage garnishment on his ex when she failed to pay child support. When the garnishment was granted by the court and then processed, the county workers just assumed it was the wife who won and garnished his wages. Suddenly his bank account was empty, he bounced several checks, and had to miss several days of work getting the county to reverse their error.

Edit: Wow, this post exploded. In answer to several questions, this was about two years ago and happened in New Castle County, Delaware. In the end, the issue got resolved but only through lots of phone calls, paperwork submissions, and multiple trips to the courthouse. All is well now. He is happily remarried and the daughters are his pride & joy.

Edit 2: I do not know what happened to his credit rating; I've never been so forward as to ask, but can (once the holiday weekend is over) if the community is highly keen to know.

Government workers bear no liability for good-faith efforts to do their jobs. They may be handicapped by massive bigotry, but the only people you can sue are the tax-payers. If the bookkeeping were outsourced to a private company, then YES, you could sue the employee and the company and they'd get canned.

I think it's a symptom of a larger issue. It would be conceivable that they assumed the wife won. It would be inconceivable to think they assumed the wife lost. It only goes one way, and so its not equal.

This is unacceptable. It may seem like something little, but little things like this add up and can make not only you feel upset, but of course your children will notice things like this and it will upset them too. You really should try to get each one of these things changed each time you see them. Ignoring discrimination only allows it to continue.

Are you in the US? I've heard of a few stories like this and they were all in the US. I've never seen this happen or seen people have this attitude in Canada. Totally possible I've never seen it by chance / since I'm not a father.

Seriously. It's not a huge deal, but c'mon. Still, not as bad as those troughs you find in some stadiums. Just a big open basin against a wall. Dudes just waiting for stalls anyway because who wants to deal with that in a crowded room?

That was at my hospital. A child, dying, said he was upset he couldn't become a marine. Word spread, and this marine came by and gave the boy an honorary badge. The child was too weak to accept, but some of us thought we saw a smile. Then the marine stood at his doorway, just like this, for the next 8 hours, until the child passed away.

You can ignore the dirty looks, and you don't need need to answer the questions if you don't want to. Some random overzealous person isn't going to stop you from continuing on with your life, and any security team knows much better than to detain you without clear proof of a crime. If the cops get called there's no law that says you need to stick around and wait for them to get there.

I'd just ignore the looks, briefly answer curious questions and then politely move on with my day. If for some reason you actually manage to get forcibly detained by someone other than the police, they become very easy to sue.

Get used to it. I got so fucking tired of stuff like showing up for school conferences and being asked where their mother was or pressuring me to put her phone number down on the contact sheets even though she moved 2500 miles away. It's borderline discriminatory.

Even after bringing my then two year old son to a toddler playgroup once a week for several months I was still asked if I was looking for "the mothers and toddler group" every time I entered the building. "Will his mother be bringing him next week?" they always asked as we left. I have never been made to feel less welcome anywhere in my life.

He loved it so I kept going until work commitments prevented me. I was going for his benefit , not to befriend those bigots.

Thanks. I have many good experiences with women responding to my fathering skills too but that weekly freeze out lingers in my memory. Being socially shunned is very hard to take, no matter the calibre of the people doing the shunning.

You should. My boyfriend raised his daughter by himself since she was 3, she's now 17 and filling out papers for her senior year we ran across this. I scratched out mother and put father and told him to circle it. Eff that. I know three single dads and they are better than some of these "moms" with their boyfriends of convenience. They don't parade girls around. They don't even introduce their kids until a substantial amount of time has passed between him and the prospective partner.

On the other end, three of my children doesn't have their father around anymore. He was killed in an accident when they were quite young, been about 7 years. When I didn't list the father's information, they went to the third degree. I started writing "Deceased" and the questions stopped. But they would send papers home for "help", and by help I mean signing up for welfare benefits. I'm not poor by any means, but the thought of the school suggesting welfare for single moms, and not for the single fathers, I sent a letter back expressing my disappointment in their double standards between capable sexes resting children on their own.

It's really frustrating. Some of their teachers were pretty good, but others just couldn't fathom how or why their mother wasn't involved. It's like they'd never seen a single father before.

It was made more uncomfortable by the fact that my kids are both girls. A week after my first conference with her 5th grade teacher, my oldest came home and said her teacher was asking her questions about how "nice" I was and if I ever yelled or hurt her. I called and complained to the principal and was told that the teachers ask all children that. Funny how that was the only time anyone ever asked either of them those questions before or after.

I ended up taking them both out of school in 10th grade and homeschooling them. One is graduated now, and the other is very close.

The only real benefit of school is the social stuff they learn anyway. I taught them more about math in 6 months than they learned in 10 years of public school.

That sucks, my husband was a single father until we married. The (primary & middle) school my son went to was wonderful and the principal did everything she could to support him. My son is attending a performing arts high school in IB now and he would have never had that opportunity without that support.

We purchased a house in a neighborhood where he can walk around a couple of years ago - we used to live in a really bad area. The difference in my kid now that he is able to hang out with his school friends is night and day. He started his own zine last year (freshman) and he is really developing as a person because he can hang out with school friends.

Kids really need to be socialized. I'm sure my son could have been fine without being able to be around other kids more but being able to hang out with friends from school has really matured him and he is a lot happier.

I'm really shocked that the school would be like that with you. I would go there and say something to the effect of "My children's mother died/is a meth head/institutionalised" (insert whatever your situation is). The women at my son's school were elated that a father cared about his son ...

You should. If my dad was the primary care giver for me and my mom bailed, I wouldn't want him to feel like he's being pressured or forced to do anything. He's my dad. And he would have fought hard to be there for me and he would deserve that respect. Fight the system, you deserve that respect.

I think it's annoying for two reasons: it assumes that the father isn't involved in raising the child and that the mother's sole responsibility is to care for the child. Totally unfair for both genders.

Yep. And sort of mindboggling in the assumption that in this day and age every child is raised by a mother and a father. There are single mothers, single fathers, gay couples, lesbian couples, kids raised by their grandmothers, etc. It's not even that rare.

Yup. Strict gender roles in society are harmful. Like withthecandlestick mentioned, things like gender and families are a lot more complex than what we're told is "normal" or "traditional". Not only are we taught that women are responsible for child rearing, we're also expected to distrust men around children.

If it makes you feel any better, they do the same thing to me, and I'm a single mom. The superintendent actually called me and asked me for my son's father's information - a man who lives 1500 miles away and has never done anything to earn him the title of father aside from impregnating me.

This used to happen to a friend of mine. The school (especially the P.E. teachers) were constantly calling asking for an update on the father's information for her kids, regardless of how many times she had to tell them he was not and would not ever be in the picture. At one point her son was ordered to see a guidance counsellor so they could assess his living situation, because apparently being raised by a mom is just not enough.

I head this off at the pass by presenting new schools and new teachers with my papers showing I have full custody and the restaining order that says their father is not allowed within 500 feet of them. This usually helps.

Yep, in the same boat. I don't know where my ex-husband is, or where he might be, or even if he's alive! We haven't heard from him in eight years. So no.. I can't give them his contact information and no, I'm pretty sure I don't want him picking up my offspring should he show up out of the blue, either.

Take it from someone who knows, firsthand, what "definite" is: Yes, you would hate to see it. I had to explain to cops in a park one time why a very young man with no wedding ring was roughhousing with a four year old girl. Some lady at the park asked her where her mom was. She said, "I don't know, I don't see her." She called the police and said I'd kidnapped her. I had to show custody paperwork and explain myself. I... WAS... LIVID... The police apologized profusely, and I know it wasn't their fault. I didn't give them a blast of shit, they were just dong their jobs. The lady left before I could go sideways on her.

My dad raised me and my brothers, and I know he got a lot of crap back in the 80s about being a single father. Hell, people used to react in shock when they found out my mom wasn't dead. I got a lot of "how come you don't live with her?"

Gosh, thanks for bringing that up, I'm 4 years old so I guess it must just be that I'm such a terrible kid, right? I'd be nice if we'd advanced at all in 30 years.

Sometimes, people need to know where their place is. It doesn't necessarily need to be "go fuck yourself" verbatim, (you don't have to censor "fuck," here, by the way. We've all read the word before.) but some people need to be reminded of their status. If a commoner were talking to me, I would be aghast. Kidding aside, the idea that men are incapable of raising children in a loving and caring manner is absurd. A teacher that demands a female to manage the upbringing and education of a child is just as sexist as any misogynist could ever hope to be. Some people need reminding that they are not the ones who will determine how a child is brought up and who the caregiver is.

This makes me wonder what kind of shit my own father had to deal with raising me alone after my mother took off.

Just know that your girls will appreciate everything you have done for them, even if the teenage years get rough (and they may well, it's super awkward talking to your father about getting you your first tampons!).

Have you talked with anyone at the school about it? I might think that a conversation with the Principal might be your first step. Explain your situation to them and politely tell them how you find it offensive. Really, I should think that it could be an opportunity for a reasonable conversation to initiate change. It beats passively bitching about it online while nothing actually gets done.

Even worse are the programs out there to provide assistance to single mothers. I emailed one of them once and asked why they don't help single fathers and they said "We are working on implementing that" as if it is such a problem to just help me now.

I have been raising my son since he was 1.5 years old. His mother only just showed up in his life recently, he turned 6 today. I have fought tooth and nail to overcome the discrimination against single fathers, and it is a losing battle. Just be the best Daddy you can be and hope things change in our favor over time as people see the emerging trend of great single fathers.

Yeah, first you got to get out the male only checks. Then you have to file the male only paperwork. Very different paperwork. Then you have to actually sign your name on said paperwork. Ridiculous how much work these people expect government employees to do.

All I can say is "I'm sorry". Lots of teachers are ignorant. Schools are often worse. The only time my daughter ever had a bonafide meltdown was last year on father's day when her teacher made her take home a picture for her grandfather addressed to "the world's best daddy". My daughter is also adopted and when I started looking into adopting I used to get asked how I would provide a male role model for her. I used to stare and say I don't know, but since half the world is populated by men, I'm sure she can find someone she likes and respects.

Same shit as "fathering" vs. "mothering". As a feminist, I don't stand for this shit either. The most important thing is that you are there for your kids, which means A LOT. My mom abandoned us when I was young, and my father has always been my #1 support.

Same sentiment here. I am a feminist (In the sense that I am a gender equalist, not the strawman manhating feminist people (esp. r/mensrights) bitch about.)
When there is gender discrimination against anyone, it hurts everyone.

Men's parental rights is a big issue for me. One's children are usually the most important focus of an adult's life, emotionally or otherwise, and to degrade or belittle a man's love for his children is cruel and uncalled-for. Men should be accepted as caretakers of their children, not treated as secondary parents, or as potential abusers or pedophiles.

Additionally, a fair treatment of fathers benefits women. A woman is better able to pursue a professional career (doctor, engineer,etc) if parental duty is shared, or if there is a stay-at-home dad (say, musician, writer, or just gamer-housemaker.) It benefits children if the custody favors a mentally-stable, devoted dad over a biopolar, crack-addict mother. Thankfully, things seem to be changing.

Men only tend to identify themselves by their careers cause that's what they were raised around. Like a majority of women tend to identify themselves by their households.

I was raised around to always work hard and take care of your responsibilities. Currently a stay at home dad, and I love it, and when I go back to work, i'll enjoy that too, because no matter my location or current occupation, I will work my ass off, and take care of my responsibility.

To your source: Men aren't measured by their careers, they are measured by their dedication, loyalty, and honor. Also, society is the worst kind of measuring tool.

Now if we can just get all the advertisements about cooking and cleaning products on TV etc. to stop starring women and only women (with the occasional exception: "Look, this product is so great even Dad uses it! lol What a surprise."). Just as you said, ditching the petrified Dad vs. Mom roles is good for everyone.

I could not agree more with you on all of this. I too am a feminist. And not the kind I see mens rights people complaining about. My husband is a stay at home daddy and WONDERFUL, I thankfully can work from home, so we completely share duties. But EVERY time we meet new people they ask him "what do you do" when he says he stays at home - sometimes I can see the judgement. It SUCKS. Mothers just don't get that kind of bullshit! Ugh.

While I appreciate your perspective, why would you perpetuate stereotypes about your own group that are antagonistic to progress? Do you realize how many different feminist perspectives there are? You are only validating people who associate feminism with hostility and securing a need to continually explain yourself to a hostile audience. This peeves me a great deal and I saw similar comments below this post as well.

I love reading posts like this from feminists. I wholly support feminism, but sometimes I run across one of those feminists who think that women are the only ones who have issues in society.

Just a little bit ago I had one tell me that the bias towards women in regards to child raising is not a "real issue". Talking with people like that almost makes me want to be anti-feminism just to spite them. I always have to remind myself that they are NOT representative of all feminists, and that feminism is a good thing. Posts like yours always make me smile, knowing that the reason feminism is a good movement is because of people like you.

I don't have enough up votes for this. One of the largest aspects of my feminism is the importance of women and men working together to break out of the crippling gender identities that are thrust on them as a child. Any child growing up as part of a family which has the father as an active caregiver is already being initiated into seeing that the world is more complicated than is often taught to them. Which obviously isn't to say that parents who do happen to fall into a more "traditional" gender role situation aren't capable of demonstrating this to their kids also, but a child growing up with a parent who is un afraid to step outside of those constraints is very lucky in my book. It opens minds and doors.

As a related note this TED talk from Tony Porter is a really wonderful story and helped a couple of my guy friends work out a lot of their own frustrations.

Wait till the doctor office calls to talk to the "Mother" and wont talk to you until you force it.

Doctor office called asked to speak to my daughter, told her this was her father, woman on phone got huffy and said its a private matter i have to speak to her only so i handed my three year old daughter the phone and then when i got it back the nurse got mad and demanded to speak to her mother until i told her that I was the parent.

As a girl raised almost completely by her father, I can kind of see the kind of things my father went through. My mother moved 2448 miles (3938.83 Kilometers) away across an ocean and all my schools still wanted my father to put down her contact information.

I applaud you for pointing out one of the biggest forms of discrimination that occurs daily.

I've ran into similar situations (I have joint legal & physical custody). Nothing will come out of bringing it up or complaining. It's frustrating - but that is the honest truth.

I have went to my kids doctors office and been refused MEDICAL RECORDS. Why? Because they technically spend more time at my ex-wife's house (the breakdown is pretty even, but still).

I went flying to my attorney after that happened. It's now the end of August, and I still haven't got the medical records that were requested in April. There is no legal standing for them to hold the records from me, yet it still here I sit without them.