It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents, except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the house-tops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.

It would have been a dark and stormy night, only there were insurmountable problems, not least of which was an inappropriately timed pseudo aurora borealis which happened to coincide with the most clement weather witnessed since records began, but in spite of this glaring setback, The Dark Lord of All Things Monstrously Evil said, "hey — fuck the goddamn weather," and exterminated all living creatures in an instant, bar himself and his favourite pet giraffe.

Sooo....came across this actual opening line from a published novel. Thought I'd share.

A hundred miles above the equator, a day's trip by boat from the nearest land, in a place where ocean currents collide beneath a vast horizon of black water and starry sky, a 1,500-foot double flame helix smoldered furiously from the cap end of an alloy gas fountain.