Tuesday, March 27, 2012

I recently received an email from someone that told me to positively review all movies in order to entice others to purchase them. They said that after so many reviews, I should be raking in the money and should definitely be seeing four figure income streams at this point. Of course, I thought about it, and how it would be nice to make serious money with this site.

To be fair, I have written about making money with this site in the past. I have ads, I sell a few links here and there, and I try to work with anyone that needs a review. It’s about time I stepped in and spoke up about a few things so here I am on a soapbox for this site, in hopes that you’ll pay attention.

Screeners

I will review any screener sent to me, that I can play. If it plays on my dvd player or computer I will watch and review it. It does not mean that you will receive a positive review; it just means that you’ll get a fair shot. I have tried emailing the top studios, and the low level studios in regards to horror movies. If they don’t email me back, or if they don’t send anything to me, I can’t review them as a screener. Sorry.

Reviews in General

I review things I purchase, rent, and receive in the mail. I do not under any circumstances download or share any of the movies that I review on this website.

Advertisements

The advertisements that you see on this site, if you see any, are for the sole purpose of making money from your purchases. If you click a link, if you go to a site that I recommend I get a small cut and in in way force you to pay anything other than the price you’re already getting. If you shop at amazon, for instance, I do not get an additional amount for your purchase, you pay the regular price and amazon gives me a few pennies…literally….pennies.

Negative Reviews

Hey, I don’t like a lot of the movies I review. I’ve been watching horror since I was 8 years old. My parents were nice enough to introduce me to the genre when I was little and didn’t let me stop watching, even though they deemed some material insane for me. I never had nightmares, and I never cried. I still have an enthusiasm for good horror movies, they are just not always found. If you go through my blog here, you will find movies that I love and you see ones that I hate. Not every horror movie is good, and the over hyped ones are obvious. I’m not going to back down from my opinion to suit sales. I’m sorry.

If you want to support, visit the links, if not, fine. I just wanted to make it clear that this site is a personal passion, not a scheme. If you like horror, if you hate horror, enjoy.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Just when you think I’ve seen it all, reviewed it all, or at least stooped to the lowest form of entertainment, out comes this horror film that has a similar name to a 2004 comedy and knocks the hell out of my mind. The Girl Next Door is a portrayal of the worst type of crime that can be committed in modern times and is loosely based on a true story, making this more than just another slasher or torture film, it makes it unbearable at times.

The film takes us back 1958 and goes through some changes within a family gathering. A normal community is rocked by a bad situation where an aunt takes care of a couple of kids and slowly dives into abuse and chaos. The abuse gets worst and worst, starting off physical and ending up with a girl hung by her wrists in the basement, where a few neighborhood boys have their way as more torture happens.

I’ve heard and read the term “torture porn” and I hate that term, but if there were such a real term that would be used to describe this film. This movie doesn’t appear to be fake, it makes it look so real at times, that the loss of innocence is shocking and scary. To think that there are atrocities that happen in this manner and that there is a film that chronicles it in such an unnerving and real way, speaks volumes about the genre as a whole.

I had a hard time sitting through this one, but eventually was satisfied with the ending, which I won’t spoil for you. I found the film to be hard to watch, and will not watch it again, as it just doesn’t entertain like it should. There is just something wrong with the idea of torturing a young child, and this film really does break a lot of taboos in society. I don’t recommend The Girl Next Door, unless you’re a sick sick person.

This weekend I saw a lot of movies, but I only remember a couple standing out. In order to bring life to what I saw, I wanted to review both films, on this blog. Both of them were marketed as thrillers, and both have scary elements. For those that remember the original premise of this website, you’ll remember that my intentions were to explore horror and recognize why things are scary, and not necessarily just for “entertainment” purposes. With that in mind, I thought it would be fitting to review certain aspects of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo and The Mortician in that manner. If you’re a fan of double features, consider this a two shot feature for today.

Up first, David Fincher’s boredom movement:

The premise is interesting, a very introverted hacker helps police solve crimes with her investigative skills, and we are treated to seeing her life in juxtaposition a magazine owner that has been bested in a libel suit. He gets the assistant of the hacker, named Lisbeth to help get information on the crooked businessman that has triumphed in a court case and help with the pursuit of a serial killer. The set up takes a while, and the slow moving daydream we are presented is dark, moody, and right up Fincher’s alley. He knows how to throw you into a very tight and suspenseful mood, but it’s a boring one. Fincher knows how to bore me, and he has done so in the last 5 movies that he’s made. People argue with me that I’m just jaded, but will not admit that his movies are slow moving and BORING. I was so bored, and then something snapped.

There is an abuse scene in this film that is beyond insane. I’m not sure why a rape, a very sick rape still warrants an R rating, because this is graphic. It’s really bad, but apparently it’s not worth a harder rating? Whatever the case is, the abuse creates a monster woman who will take out her revenge. Meanwhile Daniel Craig’s boredom shows through even when having love scenes with Rooney. By the way, is it bad that I find Rooney to be beautiful and hot? Probably.

The scary thing here is that there are real life hackers out there. They show up at all sorts of opportune times. They create havoc on a digital level, and continue to push through boundaries that are placed by web hosts throughout the world. Meanwhile, you have an interesting point of how money and power can create a monstrous element. A serial killer can in fact rise through the world and slip away free. With money, you can do anything, but there is a price to pay later down the road, if there are elements that are better, or more savvy than you are. We see that exhibited in the film a few times, and well, money seems to be a great foil, even for Lisbeth.

This movie is boring. It’s long, it’s dark, there are sequences where you see the characters READING a book, and watching someone play solitaire. You get the full depth of how boring investigative reporting can be, and although there are a few break through in the film, the majority of it is just slow moving and leads to no major impact. The “love story” subplot is just beyond me, and wanted to just fall asleep. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo might be an amazing book, but in the hands of David Fincher, bores the average viewer and someone like me to death. It sucks.

The Mortician

The Mortician is a movie that I thought was going to be a horror film. It turns out it was not a horror film at all, as it is just a thriller/drama. The movie introduces the audience to an introverted taxidermist and mortician at an urban morgue. The film moves slowly to show the boring life of a lonely death care worker. He gets involved in an odd situation when he sees a child’s mother get killed and thrown in a river. He wants to protect the child, but runs head to head with a gang leader who is out to shut the kid up.

The movie is shot in an “amber” lens throughout, and while there is a compelling plot line throughout this film, I found it boring and tired. There’s just not enough to thrill here and no wonder it’s something that most people haven’t even seen. Lionsgate once again throws up a brick with this film, and while I saw the whole thing, it was just boring.

Method Man, the famed rapper, makes an interesting character study here as he acts his way past his previous acting roles. He creates a classic element to the film that most people won’t see. Despite the flaws, he does do a good job playing the character.

It’s slow moving, and while the dramatic elements are kind of cool, it just doesn’t have that satisfying ending or thrilling/horror that you expect from the poster. The Mortician is not recommended. The reality of the things you se in this film is definitely something that is scary, and something that happens more often than not in our world, just watch the news to confirm.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Just when you thought anthology horror couldn’t get any creepier out comes a few tales of horror from the masters of horror that will shake you a little. Creepshow was a movie that was first released to relatively low fan fare, but the sequel got me all sorts of excited as a kid. The giant poster of the creeper pointing towards the screen really got me, and when I finally rented it on vhs all those years ago, I was completely blown away. I recently revisited Creepshow 2, and wow, it’s still as good as I remember, although questions are raised during the second film that I can’t really get my head around.

The stories are interesting enough, so instead of trying to fill out a longwinded paragraph of things, I decided to simply review each story on its own.

Old Chief Wood’nhead

This story tells a tale of a poor town of Native Americans and local shop owners that are friendly to them. The two exchange a deal for debt, and we are treated to what seems like an ok tale of honor and respect. However, things go awry when a young Indian comes through the store guns blazing, and robs the place. On his way out though, he awakens the wooden chief that guards the store, and the chief goes on a rampage of revenge for the tribe and the shop owner! This scary tale really has major impact and is great for a short ride, not really a long-winded affair. Then again, it’s a short, so don’t worry, it hits hard then finishes itself nicely.

The Raft

The blob comes to life in this short, and it’s really scary to think that there are bogs and marshes out there that have these types of blobs full of dirt, oil, and much more. The sickening display of garbage here is alive and traps some vacationers within its gooey grasp. The weird part of this short is that there is an apparent attempted rape scene, which is just awkward and slow to watch. If you saw Cabin Fever, a similar thing happens near the beginning of the film, only this one has a full black blob to contend with.

The Hitchhiker

A cheating wife has to get home fast and ends up getting involved in a hit and run that would haunt her unto death. This story, I feel, has been told before, but I couldn’t really remember where I saw it. It’s nothing like the HBO series, but it still packs a good punch.

In between the films there are interludes of cartoon mayhem featuring the creeper and a comic book. A group of bullies have to deal with a flesh eating plant, but I won’t give too much away.

Creepshow 2 is a great piece of anthology horror. You’ll enjoy it for sure, and it really does flow well, even though it’s quite old. This one was released in 1987, so you can imagine that it hasn’t aged completely well, but it still has enough creep factor to be recommended. Check it out, especially if you like Stephen King and George A. Romero.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

I’m not sure how things happen in horror sometimes. When I was 11 years old I first started seeing advertisements for this movie and the subsequent sequels. I always thought the posers were cool, especially the sequel material. I thought these movies were porno films, then one fateful night, I watched one, and was impressed greatly at the time. Fast forward 20 years and I sat down to watch The Slumber Party Massacre with my old eyes and was not exactly thrilled with how this film puts up a brick, but at the same time, slashes through several mediums to make one hell of a slasher film.

The movie is about a young woman and her friends throwing a slumber party. They have a full house to themselves but the neighbor is constantly checking in on them. They are all plotting different things, mainly to try and get some action from guys, but instead end up having to deal with a crazed mad man that is killing with a power drill. That’s it; the majority of the film is a dark grained film with lots of low lighting, nighttime terror and a crazed mad man who remains behind the camera until the end. This was very much like an Argento film in many ways, only with less laughable moments and no Goblin soundtrack.

I enjoyed the music; it really ramped up the tension from time to time and made for great moments during the serial knock offs. The visuals aren’t that great, lots of grain, low budget, and it’s evident there wasn’t any care in regards to lighting placed, and that’s just a genre thing more than anything else. The killer gets his way until the end, and showcases a spree of mayhem that should’ve made a franchise player, but instead, we just get a solitary storyline. The guy on the covers for the posters in the sequels are unlike this killer, which is interesting to note.

The Slumber Party Massacre is a good representation of what the genre films were at the time. It’s not a great movie, it’s not going to change your views, and it’s hard to watch at times. The violence on women is trumped up high on this one, and the comedic points are not at all what was originally intended. In fact, the writer’s were trying to make a parody instead of a pure genre film, but we see here presented a slasher. I don’t recommend it, but if you must own everything, go for the box set.

If you are prone to using social media, make sure to check out my page on Facebook. It is just something cool for you 3 readers to like and enjoy. Visit the SCARY FILM Facebook page here, and please like it and tell someone, I could use the fans. Thanks.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

For those of you that have time to kill, consider this FULL FREE MOVIE! Yep, it's nice to have technology sometimes.

Scientists investigate a mysterious meteorite shower that dropped space rocks in a V shape in a English field. Recovering from a recent accident, Dr. Richard Arden, preeminent in the field of extraterrestrial study, can not accompany his colleagues to investigate. At the site, they are overtaken by some alien force.Others people in the vicinity are dying from the mysterious "crimson plague". For unknown reasons, only Temple seems immune. So it is up to him to foil the alien plan to take humans to the moon for sinister purposes.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Scary movies and horror film in general is not a kid’s thing to watch. In fact, most parents will be thrown into the fire if they let their children watch random horror fare that involves murder or even sex. It’s not something that you want to be involved with, as a parent. But that’s not to say that there aren’t ghost and other types of scary movies that are worth checking out. Sometimes people ask me what can their kids watch without fearing trauma, so here we go, here are top 5 non scary horror and ghost movies that you can watch with your kids and not feel bad about.

A comedy that involves ghosts and a happy couple that happen to be dead, trying to bring terror to a family that has moved to the suburbs into their former home. They are all about helping out a former friend they knew. Topper is a classic 1930’s film that doesn’t have anything scary about it and stars Cary Grant. I guess it kind of is scary to think how Hollywood has changed in nearly a century, as this film goes for boredom.

Here we go, Ghost Busters, a rocking comedy that involves all you want from ghosts and beyond. You get a “who’s who” list of comedic actors from the early 1980’s! A group of exterminators fight to get through some of the cheesiest effects in ghost film making up that point. They made a sequel, but this is a classic.

The ghost with the most is seen here in this late 80’s classic. Tim Burton directs an interesting cast where a ghost is called upon to scare people out of a home, but when he becomes too much to handle, they have to figure out how they are going to stop him from terrorizing. Michael Keaton does a great job bringing this ghost to life, and it’s one of the better uses of ghosts, dead people, and comedy.

Just when you think you’ve seen it all, here is Michael J. Fox stars in this attempt at scaring people. This is an easy to watch film where comedic horror meets some interesting supernatural moments. This is not a scary movie, although they try to make it into one. Peter Jackson directs, but it’s a far cry from the stuff he was working on in the 80’s with “Bad Taste’ and more.

Riding the Bullet is an interesting piece from 2004, as it was one of the worst adaptations of Stephen King’s work. This movie didn’t earn much, was boring, but felt like an episode of “Are You Afraid of the Dark” or “ Goosebumps”, both of which are meant for kids. While this film was in limited release, I managed to watch it and fall asleep. This is a tame ghost movie that involves horror elements and beyond.

With the above 5 films, you can get your kids a “horror” or “ghost” movie without worrying that they are going to be traumatized by zombie or other genres. This list is of course just a quick one and is not at all the ultimate source for horror cinema.

The world is full of games of chance and games of skill. We see this exhibited in horror movies all the time. We see a few random moments in which characters have to make a decision and if they make the right one they live, and if they make the wrong one, they die. Life is full of questions and answers, each one yielding a very different result and response. If you could figure them all out, you’d be one great person, but that’s not how things work all the time. In poker the same notion is true. You are given a set of cards, and you have to decide which one of them will get you the best results. A group of specific cards can make you a millionaire, or can drop you out of the sky.

Poker games are often times the point of contention with those that have a gambling problem. But truth be told, they are nothing more than games of skill compared to many games of luck. Life is full of those things, skill and luck games, and horror movies exhibit that all the time. The next time you have some time to think, consider the juxtaposition and look at how many bad choices are made within film, and how they can relate to card games of skill that can generate millions, but not always without losses.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

Modern exploitation film is alive and well, and if you disagree, you need to see t his major studio film that is a remake of a 1971 film by the same name. The movie that I’m referring to is Straw Dogs, and it is a relatively updated movie with more graphic and sexual violence than 90% of the horror movies that have come out in the last few years. In fact, this film is so hard to watch at times, that I’m already betting a majority of women out there will not agree to seeing it again or even sitting through the mid-point of the film.

The story is an easy one to follow, featuring a screenplay writer and his wife moving back to her hometown deep in the southern part of the United States. While there old flames seem to be rekindled, only they are unwarranted and that leads to some interesting misunderstandings. The locals don’t like the intruder, and therefore mess with him, and when he doesn’t retaliate in a way, the local crew he hired to fix up a barn, decides to leave him for dead while raping his wife, twice. The assault on the wife in this film is hard to watch, not quite as hard to watch as Irreversible, but enough for me not to want to see this multiple times. The violence is juxtaposed in a way with the violence of killing a deer, and that’s an interesting jostling, but it’s nowhere near as brutal in the psyche.

The movie moves forward with a side story, featuring one of my favorite guys from Prison Break, and develops into a vigilante story more than anything else. The movie really takes its toll in the final act, with gore beyond compare. The bloodshed is insane, brutal, and disturbing. You will have to not eat anything while watching the display of violence that is shown here.

Straw Dogs is a modern example of how exploitation film can be made. The movie is hard to watch, and makes me wonder why the MPAA says this is R and then says something like Clerks is R too. Clerks is far less violent and sickening compared to what you get to see on display here. As far as revenge flicks, this one is about as good as you’re going to get, but I wonder what the original was like? I’ll have to investigate the notion.

I know what you're thinking, 600+ posts? Lots of money, lots of screeners, lot's of promotional consideration, right? The answer is a big fat NO! Scary Films, Scary Film Review and Jorge Orduna (The writer known as sir jorge) does not make any money, and 99% of the films that you see reviewed here are purchased, rented, or seen on television with no consideration for freebies, screeners or anything else. You might see a lot of horror movie blogs out there talking about how many screeners they have on their shelf, and how they got invited to meet some random actors at a screening, and that's great, FOR THEM.

I know, this comes across as a bitter rant, but I've tried my best to send out information to certain companies about reviews, and promotional stuff, and it seems like I don't get any play. That's fine. I don't mind purchasing a lot of different movies, renting them, and then trashing them, but it's starting to get difficult for me.

That's why I wanted to post this.

If you read this site, enjoy it, or anything, drop me a line, send me a comment, smoke signal, find me on facebook, engage me, something! I've been writing since 2008 and yet I only know Jervaise.

You like horror, I like horror, speaking of Jervaise, when are you going to invite a mexican to the uk? That's where you are right? I mean, come on! I've always wanted to see the rubbish land that produces horror movies that I must avoid.

Now, if you are a film company, text link purchaser, or anything like that, you too can drop me a line. I'm always looking for a revenue stream here, but if that never happens that's fine. I think in a lot of ways, I'm looking for a new way to move into this site a bit more. If you have suggestions, recommendations or anything else, let me know. I'm trying really hard to keep up with the reviews, but some of the movies are just terrible, terrible beyond compare. Even I have a hard time sitting through them.

I'll post new reviews in the coming days. I just wanted to take some time to remind everyone that reads this that I don't get paid, I don't get many screeners, and I don't do this to get rich. In fact, this blog started when I was in Seattle, and was still married. It's funny how things change huh? I went through a lot while writing this site, and life continues no matter what. I guess that's a good thing. I still dream of having my own domain name with the Scary Film name, but alas, it escapes me yet again. Oh well.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Anthology horror is not exactly my favorite of genres, but they seem to be worth checking out from time to time. It seems as though the guys from Tales From The Crypt do it best. Then again, The Twilight Zone and Tales From The Darkside seemed to impress a great deal of audience members. From A Whisper to A Scream is an interesting piece of film making, if only to see a haggard and old Vincent Price tell some tales of the macabre.

The movie has four different stories that deal with the human emotion, and it is all tied together by Vincent Price, who plays a millionaire that is talking to a reporter. The report goes on to get revenge in the end, but he tells four cautionary tales, each one with a mix of nudity, gore, and revenge. I found the stories releatively interesting, although they are quick to climax, and end up being a bit lackluster when you think about them all together.

The opening story is by far my favorite, which involves some gruesome attacks and a ghost/zombie style revenge. A local man strangles a woman in a bath tub, and then gets upset over some blue balls, and we get some insane paranoia that is worth noting. Aside from the madness that is found in this story, the other ones are relatively tame, at least in the connection to human experience. I may be wrong though, but the first story is hardcore.

I do like the children’s story of sorts towards the end. The idea that children are going to take over and kill adults is always fascinating, but not as fascinating as that Spanish film I saw where that one dude was teeing off on kids full blast, remember that? Yeah, I don’t really remember either. Actually, it was called "Who Can Kill A Child" and I reviewed it in August of last year. Vincent Price hated this film, I don't hate it that much, but if I hate him, and he hates this film? Where do I stand?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Upon searching through my archives, I somehow must have missed reviewing this classic straight to vhs horror film starring everyone’s favorite little guy, Warwick Davis. This is the fifth edition of the series and this time around we see our antihero going to where no Irish man dares, THE HOOD! Leprechaun 5 is a laughable and at times scary movie that shows people the consequences of stealing the gold from a deranged lunatic.

The film opens up with Ice T and another idiot discovering the lair of the leprechaun and stealing a magic flute. Then we fast forward to modern times where some lame rappers are trying to make a name for themselves, only to find out that the hip hop game doesn’t look at positive hip hoppers in favorable light. However, through their attempts to make it big, they find that a violent and crazy Ice T will stop at nothing to get his winning flute back!

Wrap up the subplot with the Leprechaun coming back into action and trying to get his gold back, killing anything and everyone that may or may not have his gold!

The movie is a slow moving movie. I found myself getting bored at times, especially since the acting is not at all highbrow or even good. Despite the lackluster acting, the film takes a long time to finally climax, which is a good thing for those that have never seen this movie, but for us that have seen the other films in the series, this one is slower. As the characters find out what to do, and how to do it, we start to see where this film can get scary.

A morality tale this movie is not, but you can try to shoe horn a message in there somewhere, but instead, just sit back and enjoy the serial slaying of the Leprechaun for his gold! Leprechaun 5: In The Hood is by far the funniest entry in the series, except that he goes BACK TO THE HOOD later. The movie mixes comedy, horror, and even gore with an urban setting that is not too unlike other movies in the genre, with one exception, it has Warwick Davis in the center of the action. I liked it enough to watch it again, but it’s losing its luster every time I sit down and watch it.

October usually ushers in a time where everyone starts searching for horror movies, asking questions about which is my favorite and what they should watch, and I always answer the same way: SHOCKER! But no one listens to me, so instead of waiting for October to come and go, I've decided to compile a list of recommendations today, so that when the time comes, you can have a list of things to watch and throw popcorn at. So here you go, in or particular order for your awesome Halloween or movie clubs:

Of course this is a short list, and of course there's so much more out there to watch. However, I decided to post a quick list for you that are most likely not going to even see this until October ushers in a quest for scary movies to watch.

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About

Howdy folks, my name is Jorge. Sir Jorge, and I write about horror movies, skateboarding, and a lot more. This is Scary Film Review. This is a blog that talks about horror movies from the past and present. Scary Film Review won the Golden Popcorn Award 3 times, and well, it's a long running horror film review site. Drop me a line sirjorge at gmail dot com for advertising, or comment.
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