Billy Madison: Miss Lippy, the part of the story I don’t like, is that the boy stops looking for his dog after an hour. He just sits on his porch like a goon, he didn’t put up posters or anything. That boy’s gotta think “You got a pet, you got a responsibility! You can’t just look for an hour and call it quits. So you get your ass out there and you find that dog!”

Old Woman: If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.
Billy: That was the most disgusting thing I’ve ever heard.