120 days - (ED) Succesful sex, no anxiety

Submitted by admin on Wed, 08/15/2012 - 12:05

Brief history (April 13, 2012)

I started becoming sexually active when I was 15. I could get it up whenever for whoever. I had a girlfriend for a long time as a teenager and we were both very happy with our sex lives; to this day the best sex I've had. Eventually things ended with us and it was devastating for me. Around this time (maybe a year before) porn tube channels were making their debut.

I need to point something interesting out. I don't think I'm an addict in the sense that I spent hours a day looking at porn, I never did that. At the most I would spend 30 - 45 minutes, but that wasn't that often. What I think killed my sex drive is that I would depend on porn. I would PMO roughly 5 times a week, sometimes twice a day, shuffling through videos to find the right one, for ~30 minutes at a time. So while not as severe as some, I still believe this is the main contribution to my lackluster sex drive.

I was 20 years old and in college when I first experienced ED with a girl. I had been drinking all day (it was my birthday) and attributed it to that (which definitely added to it). The next morning tried again and nothing, particularly because I was terrified of what happened the night before. As the story goes, the next four years of my sex life were very mediocre. I could get it up for girls but had to rush to put condoms on, also not really feeling too much whenever I met a new girl or spent the night with her. I continued to PMO 4 - 5 times a week without even thinking twice. I blamed my lack of sex drive on drinking (which doesn't help, I don't drink much anymore), on diet, on lack of exercise, on stress. I've improved all of these things, and yes I have seen an improvement but not near a full recovery. After finding information about rebooting I decided I'd give it a try, and I'm already seeing some interesting results.

So this is where my journey begins

I'm on day 10 and my sex drive has been up and down. Can't say that I'm in a flatline period, but some days it feels like that. I feel more energetic, and restless. Feeling slightly manic at times, but it subsides with exercise. Last night I had the first sex dream I've had in years where I was completely turned on hooking up with a girl. I was sitting next to her watching a movie and was drunk with passion and just went for it, something I hadn't felt since I was 20. What I mean is, I woke up with huge wood. Oh, and the girl was Tina Fey.

Day 27

I feel like things are pretty much back where I left off about a week ago. I'm really on day 33, but I went through a small flatline (a couple days) after my "release" last week, so I'll just count last week as a period of time to get back up to speed.

Experiencing occasional morning wood, in varying intensities. This last week I had at least one long lasting, hard morning wood, prob around 85%. Also, been getting semis just from walking around, I think it's mostly triggered by the friction against my underwear/pants, which is a good sign that sensitivity is back. This morning, got real hard, close to 100% from just the thought of something related to sex, like someone talking about getting a blowjob on this site, no visuals. I stood up and it was sticking out hugeee, and stayed that way for about a minute. Light strokes kept it super hard after that. I was out drinking last night... which always makes me hornier in the morning, so that may be an influencing factor.

It's been gradual but I think my wood is starting to last longer from less and less stimulation. I guess that is the ultimate goal here, to be able to maintain wood with as little stimulation as possible (mental and physical). Where do we draw the line? There's got to be a point where it's only natural to need some sort of stimulation. And how do we measure when that amount of stimulation we need is natural? More importantly, when do we know when ED is cured? I think when I was younger I could stay hard for a while, with out much stimulation but I don't remember how long. I think I'm becoming impatient!

I will probably start updating this less frequently as to keep my mind off the whole thing as much as possible. If anything significant happens, I will post about it, though.

I started a journal back in April but was bad about keeping it up to date. Since April 3rd I haven't looked at porn but I have masturbated on and off after a month of rebooting. After a couple months into the reboot I noticed my confidence level was soaring and anxiety was minimal (long history with anxiety).

I've recently been seeing a girl and normally I'd be worried about having sex and having problems putting condoms on or rushing to insert so I wouldn't lose it. Last weekend (possible trigger?) she gave me two blow jobs which I was very sensitive to, all she had to do was go near my dick and it would respond to her touch. Now, today we had sex for the first time and I wasn't worried at all how I would perform, I just felt much more confident and knew that the reboot was working. Sure enough, no condom issues, no anxiety and had good sex. She wanted it again a few hours later and STILL no issues.

I wouldn't say I'm completely back yet and I've read many reports where things still get better after 5 - 7 months go by of rewiring. I look forward to things getting even better, but for now I'm super happy.

Comments

Just want to share a couple of things. I'm just through the first week without PMO.
I have been trying to reboot on and off for the last year. PMO has been in my life since before age 10 and there were a few days in my life where I would do it literally all day, whether due to trying to mask trauma or loneliness or simply from fear of facing my reality at the time. I had my first sexual experience at age 24 (I am 27 now) and ED set in.. big time. Not to mention panic, shakiness and nausea (I almost threw up). "That's weird... sex is supposed to be pleasurable", I thought, but I shrugged it off and attributed this to inexperience. I thought it must be normal; I had nothing to compare it to. At age 26 I was forcing myself to get with women in hopes of fixing my fear once and for all, and I did this... but the results were never consistent (one moment Premature Ejac... after literally 10 seconds, or total loss of erection the next) and I had anxiety almost every single time. Sometimes it was debilitating and it scared whatever girl was with me. She thought I must be having some kind of heart attack but I just kept telling her that was really cold or tired or some other excuse, but inside it was a horrible, sinking feeling. Often I had to have sex extremely vigorously and quickly to get any pleasure out of it because I was trying to "outrun" my anxiety and overstimulate my brain because normal sex, while it's what I wanted, was not stimulating enough to sustain an erection.

Anyway, after much research, I finally figured out that hardcore PMO is most likely the culprit. So!:

Longest I lasted without PMO was 1 month. Two major things caused me to relapse:

One, I felt overconfident that I was getting better and gave in.

Two, I was concerned about the lack of libido I was experiencing and wanted to "test" myself by looking at photographs. The result was positive but I couldn't get completely hard so I went back to porn, thinking "it's only going to be this one time, just to see if I can get fully hard, and I'll make sure it won't be anything hardcore" and before I knew it, I was binging -- compensating for the lack of pleasure and for the loneliness I was feeling.

Now, as I said I am back on the first week. Here are the progress notes for my case:

Day 1 and 2:
-Instant cravings
-Positive feeling overall: "I can do this!"

Days 3 and 4:
-Cravings ranging from mild to severe.
-Strong desire to touch self
-When coming across any suggestive material on television or the internet, really bad craving

Day 5:
-Feeling of emptiness/hollowness/loneliness, like something benevolent and vital had been removed from my soul
-Onset of insomnia
-Muscle spasms when trying to fully relax the body and mind
-fluctuating/unpredictable appetite
-emotional instability: wanting to sob one moment and run around like nut the next :p
-hot/cold (feverish) flashes
-easily sick
-headaches and some laboured/unstable breathing

Day 6:
-More insomnia
-Dizziness/fatigue/nausea
-lethargy followed by panic
-panic about life situation: no gf, low income, unclear future, self-doubt and consequently:
-feelings like I cannot be passive or rest, like I must use every second to be productive; onset of fear of not making enough $

Day 7:
-Little to no sexual desire
-No morning wood or erections at any point in the day
-Sexual thoughts exist but they do not affect me; they are almost starting to be "not worth it" so the frequency of sexual thought has gone down dramatically today
-Tried to think of something sexual -- felt like maybe an erection was coming, but nothing happened: it's like, you *want* to have desire but you don't... and you're thinking: "do I need to test it?" -- the answer this time for me is no.
-Wanting a relationship more than sex; a desire to hug or spoon with someone.

First week is tough (for guys who are just starting). While I have never felt this crappy, I assure you that I have no doubt that 'no PMO' is what will make my future bright, successful and happy. :)

HERE'S AN INTERESTING FACT I READ IN A MAGAZINE TODAY:

Dutch researchers from Duke University found that people who have overcome depression and adverse mental issues and addictions enjoy better health, a stable and highly sharp mind, heightened ambition, superior resilience, and a higher life expectancy. They are better adapted to the new reality and become pros at sidestepping danger before others.

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