18 comments:

Yes, undoubtedly this is a confusing time, and I can totally appreciate the uncertainty that you are feeling right now. Hang on to the idea that "it ain't over 'til it's over," and clearly your oncologist is not feeling that it is over yet. And of course you are feeling run-down - your body has gone through a lot. With the procedures that are scheduled to remove fluid, etc, I am willing to bet that you will start to feel better.Hang in there! And get lots of rest.

Daria, I wish that I could help you feel better. I'm sending you some good thoughts and energy - and I'm sure that your many readers will do the same. Sit still for a few minutes and think of all the people out here who are rooting for you and take in some deep breaths. Breathe in the good thoughts and energy and breathe out the bad thoughts, the what-ifs, the worry.

In truth, as I'm reminded by a lot of people who practice "living in the moment", we only have this moment. None of us knows what will happen to us tomorrow or the next day. So, take this moment and make a decision - how do you want to feel in this particular moment? Worried or sad? Or full of purpose and resolve? Maybe even happy? On the other hand, it's okay to feel melancholy. Acknowledge it and in your mind, hug that part of you that feels melancholy and be compassionate to her. Remember that the feeling of melancholy will pass.

Living in the moment is hard to do - and hard to remember to do. I have had my moments in the past couple of weeks where I'm just tired of the chemo, tired of feeling tired, etc. I've been cussing at other drivers as a way to vent my frustration. But one of my other blogging friends said that she will gladly carry the burden of my fatigue and discomfort for awhile. So, I mentally passed some of it to her. And, you know, it helped. So, why don't you pass some of your worry onto us? And let yourself enjoy your husband's company?

Dear dear Daria - my heart aches for you. Your words are so honest and brave and real. I have no great words of wisdom - just know that I have you in my pocket and am sending all my everything positive your way. This is the time to truly take one day at a time and one step at a time.Sending warm loving thoughts to you - Marlene

Dear DariaI am so, so sorry that you are going through this. I wish I could say that everything will be all right but I do believe there is still hope. Your tumor did respond to your latest chemo and it sounds like you will be re-admitted to the study once they figure out why your bile duct might be clogged.

I'm sure it's scary. It sounds like you have a dedicated medical team and this time next week, you'll be back on the right path. I've been following this and am so grateful for your honesty. Looking forward to good news.

You are the reason I am blogging and found these wonderful people through reading your blog the one time on Kijiji..

It's natural that you would feel this way. Please try and think in the more positive. You have so many people rooting for you, I pray for you and lets send positive energy in your direction.. Don't give up Daria.. Just know you are loved by so many people...

Daria, remember what I said about being tired and it seems to be the time I go hard on myself? Are you doing that to yourself right now? I can't live my life on if my cancer comes back. I have to move forward with what I have now in this moment. When you get this little patch over with you will see things in an entirely different light. I recall a couple of months back that you went through the process of getting your affairs in order. That being done what can you do? Live in the moment Daria, thinking ahead won't work for you right now until you are more rested. Promise me you will lighten up on yourself and take a break from unknowns and what ifs. It is such a crucial time right now for you to be in a positive frame of mind. I think I posted a picture on my face book when I was looking very unhealthy and not myself. It's a stage Daria, you will get past it in time. I want to look like Brad Pitt but hey I have what I have. You my dear have such inner beauty and when it comes down to it that's what counts the most. Keep going angel you are going to get there, this is the part where your patience is being tested. Zen through it girl and the rest will fall into place!!!

Hello lovely lady, I want you to know how much you mean to so many people. We care about you very much and only want what you to feel better soon. Hang in there sweetie, once you get through this rough patch you will think a lot differently....many hugs my friend, prayers for you always....Hugs

Daria dear...my heart is with you...of course you are scared and melancholy at times. This is so natural...you are feeling your feelings which is just the right thing...Life with cancer is confusing and weird. You are so special and my sweet blogger girl friend....sending my love.