Aliens have landed and are ready to attack. My drunken and terrified friends fall out of their stilted bungalow onto the street. They urinate profusely in fear. They are silhouetted by the lights of the spacecrafts and their pee splashes and glows. They stagger uncontrollably toward the waiting crafts. From the side I can see the aliens, wearing maroon uniforms and shorts, crouched behind the saucers, their ray guns held ready.

It's nice, every once in a while, to turn the tables. That's what's so great about Abduction. It allows you to take on the role of an alien saucer, zipping across the rural landscape, abducting farmers and cows alike in a handy-dandy tractor beam. Suck up those tasty humans. And if they get too rowdy, drop some rocks on their heads--you can always pick up the bloody giblets later on.

People are often unhappy when I can explain an “unexplained” photograph or video. If it’s a hoax, the hoaxers are not happy with me—and neither are the people who fell for it. Nobody likes to be fooled.