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RECAP 90 Day Fiance – The Couples Tell All

Welcome to the reunion of 90 Day Fiasco! The Couples Tell All – or the couples tell most because this show should have called: The Fighting Continues with Jorge and Anfisa – because so much of the show is focused on them. Narkyia and Lowo couldn’t make it so I guess we know their relationship has crashed and burned. And Azan is there by Skype, probably because he couldn’t take Nicole’s constant neediness in person. Let’s get started!

We begin with the knowledge that Jorge and Anfisa almost didn’t make it to the reunion because they missed their flight. Why? Because Jorge is broke. Why? Did Anfisa spend it all? No. Jorge’s bank account was frozen. Oopsie! He didn’t say by whom, though I’m guessing the Feds. And then they were late to today’s shoot because the couple was arguing over what time they should get ready. Real people problems.

Matt and Alla suggest that Jorge and Anfisa argue because they are young and dumb trying to make their life more exciting. Like breaking each other’s phones and keying cars – how exciting! Their arguments range from they “can’t remember” to Jorge “coming home late.” The couple admits they are violent, so isn’t that sweet. I hope the K1 offices are watching.

Chantel has to explain everything to Pedro because he still no speaka – de –English. Seriously, the guy hasn’t picked up Rosetta Stone yet. It’s not like he’s working. They ask Azan via Skype what he thinks of Anfisa and Jorge and he thinks Anfisa behaves this way because she is seeking attention, something he knows a lot about with women. Nicole says it’s because she’s lonely and has no friends. She has no friends because Anfisa is not a girl’s girl. Plain and simple. Other women are competition to her. Jorge refers to his fiancé as a 4 year-old child.

Jorge says the hardest thing about this process has been their arguments. This wasn’t how he thought it would be. He’s been having deep thoughts lately, wondering what the hell he’s doing. So have we! Also, Anfisa admits to hitting and slapping Jorge which is not cool. Chantel says that because Jorge told Anfisa he has lots of money, he got what he asked for, because he flaunted his so-called wealth by dropping $10K in a strip club like he’s Drake or something.

And how are Jorge’sbitches sisters handling this? They haven’t had the pleasure of meeting Anfisa yet. Anfisa says Jorge is stupid. Such a lovely girl. Jorge hopes things will change, but no one else thinks they will. Nicole says maybe with maturity Anfisa will change. And she should know! Alla dodges the question and Pedro says he now has green card. Azan says he’s not doing this for the green card because Nicole came to Morocco. Chantel recommends that people in this kind of relationship be honest with their family – in other words – do as she says, not as she does.

Flashbacks are shown of poor decisions Jorge made like giving Anfisa his password number. Jorge said she only broke in and sabotaged his items a few times. That makes it better. Chantel translates this for Pedro and he calls Anfisa “crazy” and tells Jorge it’s his fault. Matt says Alla would never do this to him and Alla says erasing someone’s phone is disrespectful. But it was because she didn’t get the Channel purse, y’all. Not to worry, she has two now.

Anfisa admits to being in the relationship with Jorge for money “for the most part.” Jorge agrees with this and says they argue more when he runs out of money. Ya think? Anfisa says flat out if Jorge were to go bankrupt she would leave him. It’s official! Jorge is a spineless, weak, insecure, sorry excuse for a man. Thank you Russian gold-digger for taking him off the hands of American women. Anfisa confirms she doesn’t have her green card, and as soon as she gets it, she could be out of here. What will it take for Jorge to get that she doesn’t love him? Jorge please annul the marriage. PLEASE!

Chantel says that she thought she would be able to keep the secret from her parents until she graduated. Chantel still hasn’t graduated so I don’t know how she figured that. Flashbacks are shown of their vacation in Florida when Chantel got drunk and rubbed up against other men. Chantel now realizes she was being disrespectful, but at the time she was just being silly. It’s so silly to let complete strangers who aren’t your fiancé rub up on you. So fun!

Matt says he’s not worried about Alla with other men, just the other men being inappropriate with her. It’s not that he doesn’t trust her – he doesn’t trust women in general – hence four marriages.

Nicole confesses she didn’t do her homework about Morocco and their no PDA policy. This girl is a bottomless pit of need and doesn’t get it. Alla agrees Nicole doesn’t get enough attention – ever, ever, ever. The others understand Nicole wanted to be affectionate and Anfisa says she’s glad Jorge isn’t Muslim.

Joining us now is Nicole’s mother and the other couples leave the stage. Mom says the relationship is growing on her even though she originally thought this was a scam. Azan says he didn’t really propose to Nicole, what he said was, “I hope we can marry someday.” Her mom calls Nicole “clingy” and Azan agrees. So do the other couples who are watching from the green room. So does all of America. So do the people back in Morocco. When it comes to Nicole’s extra-large, more of her to love, size, Azan says he thought she would be more athletic looking. He thinks he’s attracted to Nicole, now, but wants her to be “more healthy.” Just what every girl wants to here from her fiance.

Onto Nicole cheating on Azan. It was a one-night mistake stand. Azan says he couldn’t believe it and now his family and friends tell him that she could cheat again. They show the clip during one of their fights when Nicole declares she’s “not a sit and listen kind of girl” and she wants to be shown off like a weighty trophy. Her mom is still dead set against paying for Azan to come to America. She’s not convinced of this love story.

They bring back the other couples to ask their opinions on Azan’s love for Nicole. Alla feels that Azan didn’t prove he’s genuine. Chantel agrees that Azan doesn’t speak with affection. Jorge says that a person’s true colors will come out – like what he’s going through.

Onto Alla admitting that she doesn’t love Matt. This was shocking to so many people. So does she now? Yes. She finally told Matt two months after the wedding. She realized that having a man do anything for you is true love.

Is it me, or is the reunion dragging on? They should have either split it into two nights or made it one hour. But back to Anfisa and Jorge,Anfisa still doesn’t have a diamond ring. Jorge was going to buy one, but Anfisa became insane in the membrane that day he didn’t go through the purchase. They argue about his taking her to the airport and giving her $5K to get on the plane and get the hell out of dodge, not agreeing on the details. These two! I just can’t. Please break up. PLEASE!

Anfisa says she has no regrets about etching the word “idiot” into Jorge’s car. She’s just misunderstood, y’all, that’s all. Anfisa now stops speaking on the show. Finally she says she had her reasons to key his car, and she’s tired of being the shows token bitch. Anfisa storms off the set with puppy dog Jorge straggling behind her.

The couples who remain discuss how harsh the social media reaction to their plights has been. Chantel gets all teary-eyed saying that her only focus now is graduating college and being a good wife. Alla says more backlash has been towards Matt, no doubt for being so needy. Nicole says she was called “heifer” and “pig” and if you’re not strong it will destroy you. Chantel tries to stay off of social media now.

Jorge and Anfisa return but she still won’t talk so Alla speaks to her in Russian, giving her encouragement. Anfisa loves money but they have chemistry. Anfisa says she says she’s not upset about the comments from social media, she’s upset that Jorge is speaking bad about her. Anfisa says she loves Jorge, but she doesn’t feel keying his car or destroying his phone was a bad thing. This girl is a shell of a woman. Good luck, Jorge. At this point I don’t care if you guys stay together or not.

For Matt and Alla and Chantel and Pedro, I give these guys a 50/50 chance. As for Nicole, she will likely get bored soon with no one to give her constant physical affirmations.

So, who thinks the government should end this program? Who thinks these relationships can work, just not under the constant glare of the cameras? Thanks for reading my weekly recaps. Check back soon to see what show is recapped next.