Saturday, June 25, 2011

A quick look at the Republican Apology Tour

GOP candidates are busy saying their sorry for past positions and crap like that.

This attempt by Republican presidential hopefuls trying to explain their past positions (since flip-flopped and now contrite)… shall be dubbed the “Apology Tour.”

Strap on your seat belt. Here we go:

Mitt Romney: “I’m So Sorry…” for passing a universal health care plan when I was governor of Massachusetts.

Newt Gingrich: “I’m So Sorry…” for piling up a huge bill at luxury jeweler (Tiffany's), but that was no reason for my staff to walk out on me!

Jon Huntsman: “I’m So Sorry…” for being another Mormon in the race, but you can bet I’ll be civil.

Michele Bachmann: “I’m So Sorry…” I mess up facts a lot, but God said I was going to become the first woman president so I have to run.

Rick Perry: “I’m So Sorry…” for being homophobic and saying anyone whose not a Christian is damned for all eternity…but, by God you’ll just have to suck it up because I’ve been Chosen by Him to run!

Tim Pawlenty: “I’m So Sorry…” about that 2006 newspaper article in which I was quoted saying “the era of small government is over” and that “government has to be more proactive, more aggressive.”

Rep. Ron Paul: “I’m So Sorry…” that I’ve wasted my backers money losing the last two times I ran for president, but would you folks give me a third shot at it? I feel lucky.

Rick Santorum: “I’m So Sorry…” for losing my last race, but the climate wasn’t right then. People were looking at my real record.

And still undeclared – Sarah Palin: “I’m So Sorry…” for taking so long to make my decision, but I’m on a Magical Bus Tour across the Nation and then the World. I’m tired of looking out my back porch and just seeing Russia!