kindness

Are you kind? I often hear angry people say, “I’ll be kind if you’re kind. But when you’re mean, I’m as mean as you.” Competition it is. This is an attitude of people who wants to be understood than to understand. But I don’t want to judge anyone. Each one has his own story to tell. What I’ll be telling now is my story of kindness and how magnanimous it is.

Kindness is beautiful. I’m unsure whether it is learned or a gift given to someone at birth. I’m glad to have a fair share of it. Perhaps it’s one of my innate qualities. Or, maybe a gift that I could give to anyone who needs it. But, hey! I’m not that kind twenty-four seven. Or else, you’d be talking to a saint. I also have my qualms. Or so it seems I’ve tamed myself that much. Okay, enough about me. Let’s focus on kindness.

According to Mark Twain,

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

Some people refuse to be kind for the reason that, like niceness, it signifies weakness. For them, it’s much better to appear unapproachable than appear kind and be abused. Abuse is another story. A kind person is never abused. He is kind because that is his quality. That is his strength. When someone considers himself as a victim, then that’s the time he is abused. One is kind because one is loving. He couldn’t be unkind because to be kind is his quality.

If kindness is a gift, it’s not given in a perfect shape. It needs to be honed and applied in actual situations. Real situations had been my school to sharpen this skill. For more than a decade I was confronted with a vengeful boss. She wasn’t that bad altogether because she could be nicer to others even on the surface. That’s quite an effort. She’d say nasty words, insults and I even feel she hates me for some reasons she alone knows. At times I feel she wants me to be some kind of a person I refused to become. Seeing that I am just what I am made her dislike me. Office politics made the situation worst.

When I started with that job I was a bit immature. I easily got hurt. So, I started to loathe that boss too. As the years passed there were no smooth seas between us. She openly displayed how much she disliked me, while I stayed in the corner licking my wounds. Until the time came that I started the self-development journey. Then and there I remained kind to her despite the reaction I got. I kept telling myself it wasn’t me for I’ve tried to do my best at work despite her criticisms. It’s her. And she’s that due to her unfulfilling personal life. Professionally, she was a success. Personally, it doesn’t appear to be. So it seems.

Some of the employees wasn’t that genuinely kind to her. They deal with her nicely on the surface yet scorn her at her back. It’s a common reaction everywhere, whether in the workplace or not. It’s a domino effect, one that follows the saying to don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.

So the situation goes on and on. She seems to be confident showing me that nasty side of her being aware that I couldn’t be unkind in return. Until the time came that I decided to quit. I quit not because she hates me. I quit because I know I owe it to myself.

There were no sentimental reactions when my resignation letter was read. I thanked her on my last day of work but never got a response. Someone advised me to indirectly pour out all my feelings about her in social media. But I refused to. That seemed easy to do since most people do it. I refused the temptation. Surely, I posted something on my wall about my resignation on a more objective and deeper level. A post that neither hurt anyone nor showed me as a victim.

Two months passed, I received the good news that I was to receive an amount from the company, as a recognition for the length of service that I’ve rendered. That was small but huge for me. I sent a message to my former boss thanking her for her generosity. The kindness paid off. She replied to me and wished me a happy Lenten celebration. Three short sentences but meant the world to me. A stone seemed to be lifted off from my heart. I was on cloud nine. At last, things ended well for the both of us.

Whether her words were genuine or not, the fact that she said it made it all worth to be grateful for.

Now let me leave these words with you: Treat others kindly not because that’s how you want to be treated. Treat others kindly, because they need to be reminded that kindness resides in their hearts too.

Imagine if you are walking along the street and all the people you meet wear a badge with the words written: Take Care. I am fragile. The nicer ones would probably take care; while the tougher ones would say, “excuse me, it is not my duty to take care of your mood.”

Actually, human beings are all fragile. It is to the degree of controlling our emotions that we differ. Some are mature enough to just shake off the hurts and think that it is not themselves, but the person doing the hurting who is actually hurting. The weaker ones, the fragile little ones would sulk in silence; while the aggressive ones would fight back and bite the other with their sharp fangs.

We are born with this fragility in our bones. The Bible tells us to be strong and develop muscles that would strengthen our fragility. But it does not say, we are to sneer at the weaker species. It does say, if our brother asks us to go one mile, we should go with him two miles. If someone slaps our cheek, we are to give the other cheek. This instructions may seem difficult if we operate with a worldly mind. But if we ask to be enlightened by the mind of God, by how God’s nature works, God would willingly lead us to an understanding so deep we never comprehend why we do what we do.

Being fragile is no problem if we learn to call on God. He knows us so well, He promised to be always there for us if we but call on Him oftentimes.

I may be smiling on the surface but deep within my heart is bleeding. This is a scenario I had been into for many a million times throughout my lifetime. A scenario I have come to master due to its constancy in occurrence. I had been in the company of good people. And I had been in the company of the not so good ones. Sadly, the not so good ones outnumbered the good ones. A reality that says these people are the representation of the broken souls caged on a neatly furnished surface: from hair to clothes to footwear. They look so neat and perfect. But when they open their mouths, the foul and withering spirit inside fails to hide. From these type of people I receive insults, blunt comments and condescending sneers. My best defense is just to smile as if everything is okay. I have not been trained earlier to receive fire with fire. I was trained to keep quite and shut up. I stated my reasons only to myself. And felt good every time my dear self says: yeah you are right.

I know, the best thing to do is to point to someone that his/her actions are wrong. In short, I have to defend myself calmly. But how can I when that someone does not also want to listen to explanations? When that someone is not open to the possibility that he/she is wrong? Many times I did this instinctively. Only that my good intentions are trashed. The result? A much heated argument; a much deadlier monster comes out. So I learned to shut up and smile if I still could manage to do so.

I found out, in my journey to freedom I do not need anyone to clap their hands in approval. I do not need to be perfect. If others find me imperfect, and my imperfections do not hurt them, then I am well on my way. In my experience (aside from the formation house where I once was) only three or four people managed to point at my mistakes and asked me why I did such and such things. Most of them, directly insulted me, underestimated me and many other things that could deflate someone’s ego.

Anyway, that was the past. I am here in this imperfect, yet beautiful world of ours not to solve someone’s changing moods. I may carry these people if I could. I may love them if I could. With a heart that bleeds no more. Along the way, through the ups and downs of my journey, I have come to learn to smile on the surface as well as smile deep within too. My days are numbered, as much as I can I would not want to waste any second of it on things that only complicate life. And the greatest lesson I learned is when you smile inside-out, the world almost always smiles back at you. I still encounter some broken souls. It is my fervent prayer then that may I be healed fully, that my healing would be a healing for others too.

Every living thing has a craving. I created my garden to fill my craving of seeing beautiful flowers. The creatures above come to my garden to fill a craving. And I follow them and take shots to fill my craving of aesthetic beauty.

Most of the times while we are on the process of fulfilling our cravings, we are also fulfilling the cravings of others.

It is a beautiful world after all. It may not be perfect; yet it still is beautiful in some way.

As I was going home from my early morning walk, I spotted this guy. I got interested with him and followed him to take a good shot. He got interested with me too and made a landing on my hand a few seconds after he flew. He carefully scrutinized my hand: fingers, palm,back.

Wow! The feeling was mutual. I admired him. He seem to admire me. I was just grateful I still managed to take shots with my right hand alone. He maybe so curious that he did not fly after maybe three minutes. Many times I attempted to nudge him to walk on the leaves, still he clung to me. After few attempts, he seemed to get the message and stepped on a flower where I put my finger on.

One of the perks of living in a cottage is that you get to co-exist with other life forms. I never thought that living in our place is this interesting. At first, I was surprised, then amazed. Later on, I get used to seeing our garden guests.

This tree is a favorite of our feathered friends. They feed from its fruit. These birds come in all sizes: small, big or medium sized. They come in varied colors too: black and white, black and yellow, black or even grey. This morning I was about to take a photo of the grey one. But she flew as she sensed she was being observed.

This rooster is the leader of our pest control team. We do not own him. He belongs to our neighbor. But he love it here because we have lots of hens and plenty of worms around too. He only gets home when called by his master to be fed. Then come back to fulfill his duty at our yard. Sometimes he and his team gets overboard. They ate newly planted seedlings. We just have to be on the look out.

This one I found one morning nestled comfortably under the croton plant’s leaves. The very first time I saw a yellow frog. Or perhaps it is just a camouflage. Only that I never saw him again after that day.

We seldom have human guests at the cottage. But our daily life is filled with excitement and thrill as to who our next guest would be.

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Hi there! I am a learner, a searcher and a lover of everything beautiful. May you'd be inspired by my simple stories, life musings, bits of poetry, and my take on photography. I just have this petty thought that life is a never ending exploration of mundane things that lead to happiness and beyond.