The Irish eyes have long been affixed to Jon Gruden, a Super Bowl winner who--like roughly 79 percent of all football coaches--supposedly considers Notre Dame his dream job. Alas, like many romantic tragedies, the timing has never been right for these star-crossed lovers, as Chuckie's professional commitments have kept him just out of reach.

Just their luck: the Buccaneers serve Gruden with divorce papers days after the Irish already had proposed (another year) to fading beauty Charlie Weis. The Gruden-to-South-Bend rumors already have funneled out to the media.

Now, ND fans are in the awkward position of possibly rooting for a 5-7 season in 2009.

With few attractive openings in the NFL, it sounds like Gruden will probably be out of the game for a year. If ND can just abstain for a season, Weis may have time to break that BCS-or-bust prenuptial agreement, paving the way for Irish nation and their siren to be united.

(Of course, there's always the possibility Gruden could be ND's girlfriend from Niagara Falls. The last one's name supposedly was Urban.)

I'd go so far as to say USC is the only guaranteed loss among that group. Eight or nine wins looks like a given, which may be good enough for a BCS berth. Then again, Homerism would have said that prior to the 2008 campaign as well.