Tomorrow I am working and I have to leave my son with a friend for the day and carpool about an hour away, and I'm only about 10% worried. I have to keep reminding myself that if my friend didn't really want to watch him, she would have said no. It's only one day!

I've become increasingly agoraphobic over the past couple of years, so leaving the house every morning is a triumph over my anxiety. Tonight, I get to grit my teeth and attend a public event (rock show, natch). If I actually manage to stay to the end of the show, it will be a pretty huge deal.

I don't even know how to explain how excited I am to see this thread!!

I dealt with really bad anxiety for a long time. I was on and off meds for a long time, and in and out of therapists offices. I finally met a really great therapist who taught me how to control my anxiety and panic attacks!

I still get panic attacks, but they are few and far between. And now when I get them, instead of freaking out, I am cool and calm and can take control. It's pretty amazing.

I'm on Wellbutrin and it was keeping me steady for a few months, but I've been having long, serious panic attacks recently (like the one I'm having as I type) because of a new drug introduced to my body. So, I'd like to take this time to remind myself of instances when I didn't totally freak out.

- When I was at a journalism conference, one session I wanted to go to was completely full when I arrived, so I said "fork it" and went to the campus bookstore. I had to ask a clerk for help and it wasn't the end of the world. And then I didn't stress out about buying a book because, even though it was on sale and I need it, I usually feel bad about spending money at all.

- I went to a couple water treatment facilities with my science class on Wednesday and while I still had intrusive thoughts about dropping something or falling into a pool, nothing bad happened! I even went into an empty slow sand filter (basically a centuries-old wet cave) and didn't panic about the possibility of being trapped underground.

- Also on Wednesday, I had an ultrasound to figure out what's wrong with my organs and I didn't cry! I was mature and direct about my pains (I have a tendency to downplay my problems).

- Yesterday, I walked right up to an employee at the local movie theatre and asked if they were hiring. When he said that they weren't right now, but I should come back next month, I thanked him and walked away. I accepted it.

- Today, after not even wanting to be outside, I walked one of my dogs and asked my neighbor how she was doing. I NEVER DO THAT EVER. Usually, neighbors are not people to acknowledge. When she commented on my hair, I didn't grab the dog, cover my head and run.

_________________"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

I'm on Wellbutrin and it was keeping me steady for a few months, but I've been having long, serious panic attacks recently (like the one I'm having as I type) because of a new drug introduced to my body. So, I'd like to take this time to remind myself of instances when I didn't totally freak out.

- When I was at a journalism conference, one session I wanted to go to was completely full when I arrived, so I said "fork it" and went to the campus bookstore. I had to ask a clerk for help and it wasn't the end of the world. And then I didn't stress out about buying a book because, even though it was on sale and I need it, I usually feel bad about spending money at all.

- I went to a couple water treatment facilities with my science class on Wednesday and while I still had intrusive thoughts about dropping something or falling into a pool, nothing bad happened! I even went into an empty slow sand filter (basically a centuries-old wet cave) and didn't panic about the possibility of being trapped underground.

- Also on Wednesday, I had an ultrasound to figure out what's wrong with my organs and I didn't cry! I was mature and direct about my pains (I have a tendency to downplay my problems).

- Yesterday, I walked right up to an employee at the local movie theatre and asked if they were hiring. When he said that they weren't right now, but I should come back next month, I thanked him and walked away. I accepted it.

- Today, after not even wanting to be outside, I walked one of my dogs and asked my neighbor how she was doing. I NEVER DO THAT EVER. Usually, neighbors are not people to acknowledge. When she commented on my hair, I didn't grab the dog, cover my head and run.

Oh man, Wellbutrin-induced panic attacks are terrifying. I pretty much spend ever second thinking I was dying and everything, including my body, house, relationships, school, work was spiraling out of control.

_________________"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

What a great thread! I've been really bad at socialising the last few years without wanting to run off soon after getting there, or be paranoid that nobody really wants me there, but last Wednesday I went out for someone at work's birthday. We had pizza and a laugh and it was fun, and I enjoyed it. And when she thanked me for coming the next day I believed her, and didn't automatically think she didn't mean it and was just being polite.

_________________"Like a wonky bourbon stonehenge. But in a good way." - Disappearing Ink

I've been avoiding my boss because I am not really pleased with the book proposal I've drafted up for him. All I wanted to do yesterday was hide from him (he is a farmer and works the farmer's market on Saturdays), but dammit, I wanted to go to the farmer's market! So I grabbed a book I need to return to him, and went to vegetable heaven. He actually wasn't there, which was a relief, but I'm proud of myself for being prepared for a run-in. Sometimes living on a tiny island is so much more stressful than being in a big city!

I know that sounds so dumb/minor, but I actually lost a lot of sleep over it.

Recently I made plans to go somewhere fun with a coworker. I only ever go places with close friends, so this is something different for me. And I had to call her on the phone to confirm the plans which is a huge problem for me, but I did it!

Yeah, I have a really hard time talking to professionals about it. Friends, I can blab all about how I ran out of class crying and just needed to run and hide and whatnot, but when doctors try to talk to me about it, I just clam up and can't say anything. I think I'd even feel dumb trying to explain to the receptionist why I wanted an appointment.

I absolutely don't like "professionals" but sometimes you've got to give it a try.

I personally think that what is the most essential for therapy is to find some one you like or have a connection with on some kind of level.

I had "anxiety problems" in the past (still not fully gone, but so much better nowadays).

As I didn't see professionals as an option, and felt that if I'd go on they way I did, my circle and life would become smaller and smaller with the end conclusion that I'd get into a situation that would probably give no other way out than to take my own life.....

I decided that I sort of had nothing to loose and would battle/fight my obstacles, kind of whatever the price would be.I decided to make marking and changing point in my life, and (boring story even more boring), I decided to do sky dive training.

That, in some cases; remembering that I could stand in the door of an airplane doing 100mph at 13,000 ft and step out of it, would give me the confidence that I could overcome other fears or obstacles as well.

It even gave me the confidence or the guts to eventually see a therapist and talk about some stuff.

Have horrendous social anxiety issues. Usually the pattern starts with me sitting at home, thinking, 'Why does no-one want to meet up with me? Do they hate me now?', without actually asking them to hang out with me ('I don't want to come across as clingy and annoy them'). Then when I do get invited somewhere, 'I bet I'll be in the way/a downer/no fun/they'll have a better time without me'. So if I do go - 'Why is everything I add to the conversation asinine?? I'm ruining everything! They must surely hate me now.'

Before there was so much I would never even dream of doing, but thanks to support from my friends, I've been able to hang out with people a lot more - go to pubs, even a club night, go dancing...

Not yet plucked up the courage to go see the counsellor at uni, though - it's a one-on-one situation I've not experienced before, with a stranger, in a part of the university I've never been to before. But! I did ask for help from a friend. They promised to link me to a few websites, however, we were both completely spannered and that conversation has since been forgotten. But! Seeking advice is definitely a big step for me! I AM OVERCOMING IT.

The 3 times I've talked to counsellors I've ended up blubbing hopelessly while at the same time resenting them and thinking they're a bit drippy. I'm not sure if I'm just doing it wrong? How do you make something useful out of a fairly short space of time with someone who is a stranger to start with?

I hope that doesn't come across as too negative for this thread. I genuinely think I might be missing what can be got out of having decent sessions with a professional.

_________________"Like a wonky bourbon stonehenge. But in a good way." - Disappearing Ink

Can ride a bike, drink a Blue Sky, and eat some Stonewall's all the same time (bad ass)

Joined: Wed Oct 20, 2010 10:08 pmPosts: 101Location: Hollywood, CA

Yesterday I got into an argument with my boss. It was the first time that I've ever argued with her to the point where I was actually very pissed. When I get put on the spot, and I'm angry, and fighting with someone I normally wouldn't have the balls to stand up to, I get really really anxious. And often, when I get really anxious, I turn red, my voice starts shaking and sometimes I start crying.Well, it was something stupid that started the argument but, I've had some bottled up feelings that just exploded that moment. My voice did shake, and my face turned red, and I kind of got off track in a tangent somewhere in there but overall I got my point across effectively. She ended up understanding my point and it ended without me falling apart.I was able to go on a lunch break soon after but I went on a walk, got some fresh air and calmed down and cleared my head. I was shaking for a good while and I almost cried but I didn't. I went back to work fine.I also grabbed some hot chocolate, that helped too! Chocolate fixes everything.

I had two parties over the weekend.The first sounded like a great time, but I only knew a couple people there because they're all a few years older than me. I had to talk myself up to get up from laying on the couch for an hour and just go. It turned out to be a lot of fun and I remembered why I don't like hanging out with most 19-20 year olds.The second was a graduation party, so naturally people were talking about school. I don't like to talk about school because it makes me stabby and/or wanting to cry when people tell me art school must be so much fun and insist that my degree is a ticket to insta-success I absolutely need it to do anything important in life. And that school is the most important thing in my life and everything else I do is fun and trivial. I got even more stabby when people were laughing at my cousin to her face at her party about her ideas of taking time off before starting school, looking at out of state schools, and thinking about other options, and I nearly told a few people to fork off.

Hmm. I just now got around to reading this thread. Add me to one of the people who didn't realize they had more than the 'normal' amount of anxiety. (Okay, I mean, I knew I had more than I would like... but you get me)

Anyways I'm not sure realizing that will help much, I mean, I really don't think I can stomach the idea of taking drugs. Reading your stories of how they help all of you does make me happy, but damn it just doesn't sit right with me for reasons I cannot explain!

However I do think that if I can ever get myself to finally start exercising I think it will help. I am extremely out of shape and I just have a gut feeling that this will help immensely. Just have to actually get myself to do this however, er...

Well, there is a triumph sort of, related to convincing myself to get the exercise I feel I need in order to overcome some of my anxiety... I finally (after four years since my last one was stolen) went into a bike shop and told myself to stop the 'I'll shop around online to get a better price' excuses and I bought a bike!

Yay! I had a few rough days- this house buying thing just turns me into a quivering mass. I did manage to pull myself together and work today and had a few real happy moments before coming home and feeling my bowels turn to ice again. I think the running is what's holding me together.

I hate going to places where the people there sort of know me, so we are obligated to make small talk. So today my son and I went to the video game shop next door to my work, and we went in to buy a video game for my partner's birthday. And I was totally not awkward. Success!

_________________when you realise how perfect everything is, you will tilt you head back and laugh at the sky. -buddha

I've had anxiety for years, with various degrees of severity. The last few months were pretty bad, although I couldn't quite put my finger on what I was anxious about - I felt like I couldn't do much of anything without my anxiety becoming a problem. A couple weeks ago my boyfriend and I broke up (he was cheating on me, I found out by accident) and I moved back to Virginia Beach for a few months because I couldn't afford to find a place in Asheville at the time (we'd been living together for 6 months). Since I've been here at the beach with my family, my anxiety has essentially disappeared and I've got a surge of confidence that's driving me forward. It's pretty amazing, but leaves me wondering why I didn't realize I was unhappy with our relationship (because that's the only thing I can think of to associate my anxiety with at the time).

But I'm happy about being myself again and being able to do stuff without having a panic attack. Woot!