Tuesday, April 10, 2007

You have been reading my struggles the last few months. struggling with faith. struggling with hope. with trust. with peace.

And tonight, I saw a glimpse. It shook me to my very soul. The Holy Spirit flew through and and opened my heart for a brief moment to let God's word in. I was praying tonight, and decided to pray as if I really believed it. Kind of faking it. (the way Chowder & I do sometimes when we are out of sync. or the way I do with the children sometimes when I'm just not feeling like being a mother that day.)

So, I started with beginning scripture verses and prayed them as if I believed,

O Sovereign Lord, you are my God! Your works are true and you have promised good things to your servant. (2Sam 7:28)

and then

You O Lord, are the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. (2Cor 3:17)

Well, that's a nice way to start off. And as I prayed those two verses my heart began to stir. And then I moved on to Jeremiah 31:33-34...

I will be your God and you will be my people.

sure sure. done it....But then what stopped me, what cracked my heart open was the next verse, because you shall know me. Oh you guys! How do I explain this feeling? God flashed before my eyes the laughter of my children, the passion of my marriage, the hug of my parents, the moonrise over the Atlantic Ocean, the silence of 30 degrees below zero, my friends, the gardens, my favorite meal of Tenderloin Mudega with a glass of Chianti. I do know God. All this time of fear and anxiety! All I needed was to look around me and see God. I know God because I know his works. I can trust God because I can look around and see that God is a God of blessings and joy and love and riotous color and quietest intimacy.