Thursday, March 1, 2012

writing out the fear

My latest second of excitement and ambition was "By this time next year, I want to be doing photography for real." You know, instead of for pretend. I want to be booking photo sessions. I want to be handing out cards. Or, you know, even possess some cards. I want to get serious about this. That moment of excitement was immediately followed by paralyzing fear.

This is not the first time this has happened-especially about my photography. Some fears-

Uh...photoshop what? The last time I used photoshop I had braces, my nose was too big for my face and I still thought shaving between my brows was a good idea.

What if I'm no good? What if I don't really have "an eye" or "talent" and what I do have is luck.

Photographing cute kids makes getting great pictures a lock. Can I really just market good looking people and turn away the awkward?-how bad of a person does having this thought make me. Pretty bad.

How does one even start a business? a business what? Taxes? Website? Marketing? UHHH RUN!!!!

See, my real fear isn't that I'll fail. If I try and fail, then really I'm right back where I started. With a lot of money invested in a camera and gear that sits on my bookshelf in a pretty awesome camera bag. what happens if I learn photoshop and I love it and my business takes off. I dont know anything about having my own business. I don't know anything about really succeeding. I've always done average (ok let's be honest, below average) in everything {other than my job at Inwest. I really rocked that}. I am terrified of success. I am terrified of tapping any potential I may have hidden in me.

But it would be awesome. So who knows, maybe I'll grow a pair-take a few classes, and by this time next year have my photography gig up and running.

I think you are pretty successful at being awesome. So you have that to go on :) So you rock at photography and suck a business? Guess what? There are people who are crappy photographers who are good at business. They are called "partners". You'll work it out. Cause your awesome. (see how I brought it all back to that?)