US Airways to Delta: Im in UR airport flyin UR planez

US Airways Group Inc.’s unveiled an $8 billion hostile bid for bankrupt Delta Air Lines Inc. this morning. Blah, blah, blah. What you need to know: US Airways CEO Doug Parker announced his intent to buy Delta with a snippy 5-page “Dear Jerry:” letter.

Dear Jerry:

Last Spring we had a conversation about a potential merger of US Airways and Delta. As you know, following that conversation, I sent you a letter on September 29, 2006, outlining our thoughts about a transaction… proposing to meet with you and your team to work together to further consider and develop our proposal. I was disappointed that you declined to meet or even enter into discussions in your letter of October 17, 2006. Because the benefits of a merger of US Airways and Delta are so compelling to both of our companies’ stakeholders, we believe it is important to inform them about our proposal. Therefore, we are simultaneously releasing this letter to the public.

Our translation:

“Dear Jerry:

I have 8 billion dollars; you need to return my calls. I’m taking back my black T-shirt. Go fuck yourself with a packet of airline pretzels that you bought on credit you low-life.

P.S. I’m keeping the dog.”

What does this hostile takeover mean to you? “If the deal is completed, the airline would operate under the Delta name and serve more than 350 destinations across five continents.” The stock market is in favor of the deal, US Airways stock jumped “$2.90, or almost 6 percent, to $53.83 in morning trading on the New York Stock Exchange.”—MEGHANN MARCO