"And then take me to Walmart, and get a 12-roll pack of toilet paper. I always loved saving 17 cents over what that ripoff mom and pop store used to charge. And at the grave, put a tv on the coffin and let's watch a couple hours of Honey Boo Boo. And I want a pair of rubber balls hanging from the hearse's trailer hitch."

Kibbler:"And then take me to Walmart, and get a 12-roll pack of toilet paper. I always loved saving 17 cents over what that ripoff mom and pop store used to charge. And at the grave, put a tv on the coffin and let's watch a couple hours of Honey Boo Boo. And I want a pair of rubber balls hanging from the hearse's trailer hitch."

These are basic freedoms here, Dude.

I wouldn't mind a pair of fuzzy dice hanging in my coffin. Oh... and I defiantly want an air freshener. Maybe a Hello Kitty one with a strawberry scent.

My Dad was telling me about wanting to specify how he wanted to be buried or creamated when he goes. He didn't want my sister not I to go crazy and spend a small fortune on him. So I jokingly said, "So, you want to make sure you get the New Orleans Jazz Party funural you always wanted? Oh, I know: we'll rent one of those Human Cannonball cannons for you." Then I had to explain it to him, "I'm sure it would work just as well with a dead body as it would with a live one." "Or perhaps a Viking funeral: put you on a boat, launch it, burn it down?" He wasn't thrilled with that, so I suggested a Jedi Funeral, "It's like a Viking Funeral, but on land." Which sparked an idea with him, "Oh I want to go out like Spock. Put me on a desert planet, come get me in a few months and I can start over!"

GBB:My Dad was telling me about wanting to specify how he wanted to be buried or creamated when he goes. He didn't want my sister not I to go crazy and spend a small fortune on him. So I jokingly said, "So, you want to make sure you get the New Orleans Jazz Party funural you always wanted? Oh, I know: we'll rent one of those Human Cannonball cannons for you." Then I had to explain it to him, "I'm sure it would work just as well with a dead body as it would with a live one." "Or perhaps a Viking funeral: put you on a boat, launch it, burn it down?" He wasn't thrilled with that, so I suggested a Jedi Funeral, "It's like a Viking Funeral, but on land." Which sparked an idea with him, "Oh I want to go out like Spock. Put me on a desert planet, come get me in a few months and I can start over!"

Brief pause.

"So 'human cannonball'? Got it."

You forgot to mention to him that with a viking funeral, he'd be able to take his favourite concubine with him. (Although for her sake I'd hope she's already dead by the time the skip catches fire...)

My older brother passed 4 years ago. My Dad wanted to bury him next to my Mom. I told him my brother and I had discussed this before, but he wanted to be cremated. He was cremated and we spread his ashes near the San Marcos river and had a glass of champagne.

I had surgery last year and told my dad and stepmom that if I die, I wanted to be cremated and pitched in the nearest trash can. The stepmom was shocked. I told her that if you're gone and have been reduced to a box of ashes, what does it matter?

Strangerarranger:I had surgery last year and told my dad and stepmom that if I die, I wanted to be cremated and pitched in the nearest trash can. The stepmom was shocked. I told her that if you're gone and have been reduced to a box of ashes, what does it matter?

It doesn't matter to you -- you are dead, but your relatives might find some closure by disposing of your ashes in a more dignified way while saying a few words in remembrance of you. Asking for a small service respects their need to deal with your death.

Oh dear Lord, I can't believe I just typed this in a thread about a wake going through a BK drive-thru. Never mind -- just have them empty the ashes onto the ground next to the trashcan and check to see if the container your ashes were in is recyclable. Might as well be green about it.

Take whatever organs they need and cremate me...I don't want to rot in some box in the ground (it's possibly the only real "phobia" I have, as irrational as it is). And I want them scattered in Japan, England, Australia, and someplace that I never went...I want this done because I want whomever us doing it to see the world and enjoy it like I did. So I want them to take their time. The list may grow as I do more traveling as I get older, though ;)

If I was in a funeral procession and it pulled into a drive thru lane at a fast food joint I would turn off my lights and drive on home.White trash folks can do whatever they wanna do, but they will do it without me.

I've been telling my wife for years that my funeral procession needs to go through a drive thru so I'm disappointed that someone got there first.

My other plan seems safe so far, though: at the visitation I want to have clown make up put on so nobody can say "oh, he looks so natural/peaceful." I am not a clown and I generally dislike them. I told my wife this prior to a funeral we went to recently and she had trouble keeping a straight face when we went to talk with the family.

We were at a friend's wedding this summer and the bride's parents were spending a lot of time and money on the dinner for the reception. The wedding itself ran long and, as Ms. Gough and I were driving from the ceremony to the reception, we realized that it was going to be a while before the dinner was served. We were starving, so we ducked into the drive-through at the Golden Haunches, hoping that no one would see us. I thought we'd pulled it off...until I glanced in the rear-view mirror and saw the bride, the groom, and the bride's parents right behind us. After I got over my embarrassment, I started to wonder: they KNEW what the food at the reception was going to be like, and they're grabbing a bag of burgers on the way??

sprag:I've been telling my wife for years that my funeral procession needs to go through a drive thru so I'm disappointed that someone got there first.

My other plan seems safe so far, though: at the visitation I want to have clown make up put on so nobody can say "oh, he looks so natural/peaceful." I am not a clown and I generally dislike them. I told my wife this prior to a funeral we went to recently and she had trouble keeping a straight face when we went to talk with the family.

When I saw my uncle in his open casket last year, I had to hold back a laugh. The funeral home had done such a ridiculous job on his face, I wouldn't have recognize him if my aunt wasn't standing nearby crying. I lived with them once and was by no means a stranger and yet the arrangement and make up looked like someone else all together. I think I would've felt better if they did use clown make up, for than I would've known it was a joke. The service was more awkward with the minister from 'his' church using notes to remember his name. He hadn't attended church in the last 30 years of his life.

One of my heroes, Edward Abbey, asked his friends to bury him illegally in a hidden grave out in the desert, and then to celebrate with "booze and gunfire". They put him in his old sleeping bag and transported him in the back of a pickup. He's out there somewhere fertilizing a cactus.