“LEGITIMATELY” : An Educational Song About Rape and the GOP08/31/12

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In years of musical theatre training, the best lesson I have learned, relevant to both theatre and life, is “When emotions are too big to speak, you sing.”

Like many others, the behavior from the GOP brings up a lot of emotions for me from disgust, to sadness, judgement, and disbelief. Not only do I turn to song in times of high emotion- this might be helpful for the little daughters of the current republicans. Learn to use that magical uterus now, girls.

This song is largely based on the actions and opinions of the GOP, from Senate hopeful Todd Akin, and Paul Ryan… it’s ok if you don’t find anything wrong with this mentality– maybe this song can serve as an educational guide for the republican’s little girls who will be raised in a world where we are more concerned with redefining rape than ending it.

LYRICS:

Sometimes I’m not sure what’s important…
So I check out the news on my TV
And they tell me if my concerns are worth the aches and burns
…and count legitimately.

Rape can be a really “touchy” subject.
No pun intended there, but what the hey—
you can avoid unwanted kids
like the magical uteruses did
at least that’s what Senate hopeful Todd Akin has to say..

Cause it only counts if it’s forcible, so for your sake I hope you’re bruised
Forget the six figure sum of women who are not “legitimately” abused
If there’s a question ask a doctor though he’s likely to believe
us women types can “shut it down” when we don’t want to conceive…

To be fair that republican guy said he misspoke
Which is good cause it had many mouths agape
So go on leave it up to fate
but dont dress too sexy for that date
cause they’ll say you “asked for it” if you happen to be raped

32000 women get pregnant each year from intercourse they dont choose
And that statistic doesn’t shock me much at all
With a quarter million rapes each year
I guess that’s not a lot to fear
Pregnancy from rape is just a 7.8 percent chance for ya’ll

But it only counts if it’s forcible, so for your sake I hope you’re bruised
Forget the six figure sum of women who are not “legitimately” abused
If there’s a question ask a doctor, though he’s likely to believe
us women type can “shut it down” when we don’t want to conceive

So baby..don’t try to escape
cause this won’t count as legitimate rape
No this is not a deception
Paul Ryan says we should treat rape as a form of conception

It only counts if it’s forcible according to the GOP
I’m so proud to be an American right now, hey leaders, way to be
Girls if you ever feel threatened don’t even bother to say “no”
You’re legitimately fucked, remember that when it’s time to vote.