Friday, June 26, 2015

7 Easy Ways to Become a Better Listener

Truly listening to others may be a lost art. Yet, listening
is a key to learning and also a key to showing others they are valuable.

When we listen to someone, we are saying (without words) to
that person that he is of value to God and also of worth to us. We know how
we'd like others to listen to us, so we can use the Golden Rule approach to
improve our listening skills.

1. Desire to understand others.

The simple truth is that if you want to listen to others,
you can. Just make an effort.

2. Ask open-ended questions.

Words like "what," "why," and
"how" form questions that require more than a yes or no answer. Ask
for more information or for clarification. Don't cut off communication by
offering advice too quickly.

For instance, an associate says, "I've got a terrible headache."
Her coworker replies, "I don't want to hear it unless you've taken an
aspirin." The reply cut off communication and probably worsened the
headache!

What if the coworker had said something like this:
"Yeah, I can see how you are holding your head in your hands. I'm sorry
your head hurts. What do you think you should do?" That reply opens
communication and shows you care. And rather than dictating a quick fix of
medical advice, it leaves the next step to the person whose head hurts.

I have poor hearing in my left ear. Because of that, I
cannot hear my wife when the TV is on. When she is talking, I mute the TV so I
can concentrate on what she is saying. After all, my wife is more important
than the TV.

4. Use reflective responses.

Try using phrases like "Tell me more," or reflect
back part of what was said. Rather than thinking about what you will say next,
pause to hear fully what the other person says.

For instance, a wife says to her husband: "I think I'll
visit my sister for a couple of hours."

Husband: "Your sister?"

Wife: "Yeah, she's feeling kind of lonely, and I
believe I can cheer her up."

Husband: "You're good at lifting people's spirits. It's
one of your best attributes."

The husband used the reflective approach when he asked,
"Your sister?" It may have sounded repetitive, but that let his wife
know he heard her. It also gave her the opportunity to say why she needed to
go, which then led him to affirm and encourage her. The result? Communication
improved. The relationship strengthened.

5. Observe nonverbal messages.

We communicate more nonverbally than we do with words. If
you want to explore this, try writing a verbatim report of a recent
conversation.

Also, note any nonverbal responses like He turned away from
me and stared into his empty coffee cup. Writing verbatim will help you
concentrate on both verbal and nonverbal responses.

Ask God for insight to improve your understanding of others.

6. Pay attention to your tone.

Some tones invite communication; others shut it down.
Sometime when you're alone, rehearse aloud a conversation you anticipate. What
is your tone indicating?

7. Focus on the other person.

Listen for what he believes is important. Rather than
focusing on your opinion, center on his point of view. You do not have to agree
fully with someone in order to understand him. Active listening lets others
know you hear them. To do this, pay close attention, and from time to time,
accurately play back to them what you heard.

The Truth about Listening

Listening is active, not passive. Active listening extends
the Golden Rule to communication. The key to good listening is considering how
you want others to listen to you and then practicing that with them. Golden
Rule listening will improve the quality of your relationship with others in
your home and on your job.