Smart Men Tell Us Why They Date Dumb Women

We just stumbled on another study (it’s around the 750th, we stumble on some variation of this study everywhere) saying that men don’t want to date smart, successful women, and oh, God, we’re all going to be spinsters, all of us, should have kept cocktail waitressing forever. Now, we could debate whether or not this is true, but let’s just assume it is. Let’s assumeÂ dating dumb women is the best! I called a smattering of my male friends who explained why some men like dating girls who are less successful or intelligent than they are. So. Here’s why:

I think Jen should date that last guy. And if not, can I have his number?

Matt Langer

Google me!

Jennifer Wright

I highly recommend the very dashing and daper non-bro Matt Langer! Who is now going to be credited.

http://www.thirty-things.blogspot.com springchicken

And cute too! Where were you all the years I lived in New York?

Jennifer Wright

Oh my God, we are bringing people together! MAKING ROMANCE HAPPEN!

Lindsey

By the way jennifer wright, you’ve done it again. This had me in stitches!

Mina

So John Carney’s just not going to answer the question? He gave the reason dumb girls date smart guys.

Gabbi

What i think can be inferred from most of the above answers is, that guys date by possibility instead of by choice. So I think that Mr Carney’s answer is quite appropriate.

Eileen

Tell Michael to call me in a couple of years. I’m okay with the name “Woodsmall.”

marissa

Ew, no! He’s the “youmusttakemylastname” guy.

Eileen

Hence the “I’m okay with the name ‘Woodsmall.’”

If you knew my surname you’d understand. ;)

Hayley

I’d like to point out that cocktail waitress or kindergarten teacher can be far more challenging jobs than they appear at first glance – working primarily with people/the public requires the patience and facility of a saint (can you tell I’m in a “people” based industry?). Its pretty unfair to label these professions as attracting “dumb” girls. And personally, I’ve known some really dumb women who are pharmacists, lawyers, corporate officers etc.
And yes, I may be taking this too seriously ;)
Okay, rant over. I enjoyed this article!

M

I think this article is talking about women who are dumb as in intellectually stunted, not dumb as in socially retarded [though people are not necessarily one or the other; I've definitely known people who were both]. Most jobs that involve serving/corralling/pleasing the general public involve a COMPLETELY different skill set from professional white-collar jobs, and I wouldn’t say that one category of abilities is necessarily more valuable than the other; it depends on what you want to do and how much they need to be applied.

M

I wonder how often this works the other way too. I am technically more than intellectually capable; I excelled in school until I dropped out due to a variety of issues, mostly mental/emotional. My boyfriend, while absolutely wonderful and not stupid by any means, is still not the sharpest guy there ever was. Almost every person I’d dated before him were expensively-educated high-powered types, and once in awhile I crave the conversations I’d had with them because I lose him sometimes. But he’s not just some blonde bimbo to pass the time: we’ve been together for awhile and I can’t imagine being a better fit with anyone; we’re both committed to our future together. The longer we were together and the more I realized how happy he makes me, the less it mattered to me. We might not have long discussions about nuclear physics or the advantages and disadvantages of an open market, but we talk about what’s important.

On the other hand, I work in a blue-collar trade as an auto mechanic. I wouldn’t change it for anything: I love what I do and I excel at it, and what more could someone ask for from a profession? But I do sometimes wonder how I’d do on the market as a reasonably intelligent [I'd like to think] woman in a ‘dumb’, stereotypically masculine job.

Erica

I like this article but I think it’s unfair to call kindergarten teachers dumb. Lots of very smart people I know teach young grades, often kindergarten. Unfair.

Corissia

Are we sure all of these guys are “smart”? Because most of them are saying some ridiculously stupid things.

Ms. Pants

Amen, sista.

RPB

No man of any substance dates a stupid woman for very long. However, only douche-nozzles like Matt Langer find women sexy because they retain vague intellectual qualities. Intelligence is an essential part of a LTR for me, but to call it sexy makes you tantamount to the biggest “fucking toolbox” I know.

Kevin G

Spoken like a true douche-nozzle.

(Your usage of the word “retain” is slightly inept, by the way. And is there any “logic” to using “the quotation marks” where you “did?” Ah, well, dumb women won’t notice…)

My two cents:

Being editors in chief of online womenâ€™s magazines (or otherwise intelligent) doesn’t automatically make one sexier than anyone else, sure – but when combined with a woman who’s pretty sexy already, it can add a lot. For myself, that’s probably because I’m painfully, like existentially, bored by dumb people.

Incidentally I also do agree with Jaime above though – this seems more along lines of power and income disparities than smart/dumb.

Rebeca

I don’t know any smart man that dates dumb girls. I’m a particle physicist, I know a lot of smart people. Only dumb guys date dumb girls, and if you don’t believe me, read the explanations these guys give and answer me this questions: do you think they really are smart?

Ally

Right on, sister.

Patrick Bonacoscia

Good answer :)

I agree with you only dumb guys date dumb girls.
And yes some of the male posters are not smart nor emotionally mature.

Natalie

This really was a great read, all seriousness aside it had me laughing at the randomly insightful comments mixed with the pure manly douche bag ones. Plus the comments here are also amusing and well intended – very refreshing

Jamie

I think everyone here is confusing “smart men” with “rich douchebags”, and “dumb women” with “women who work in the service industry.” THESE THINGS ARE NOT THE SAME.

Ellen W.

You have made an excellent point Jamie. I was kind of mad on behalf of the bartender-girlfriend too. It says a lot about the responders by how they define “dumb” girls.

Ashley Cardiff

@Jamie: dead on.

nicoleshoe

love that marketing exec guy….

Trav

What I find amusing is the references to smart and successful vs. dumb and unsuccessful as if they are mutually exclusive. When in fact they are not at all the same. There are plenty for semi-successful people that are driven, and focused in their careers but not too bright. Likewise there are many insightful intellectuals that would not be considered successful by the majority of the population.
I agree that based on their input, for some of the guys polled it may be a stretch to call them “Smart”.
It’s obvious that the Male biology (and ego) makes us want to be the dominant one in the relationship, I think every guy admitted to this in some way. But I think Hedge Funder hints at an important point. The Female biology wants a mate that she can look up to or respect as her superior in some way. Otherwise she loses respect for him and with that goes desirability as a mate. As he says, “Every alpha woman I know wants to be with a man who is as successful as her or more so.” Men do NOT need this. Every man I know, after maturing past sowing their oats as it were, wants a woman that can love him in a way that he feels secure in her love. Whether that’s cooking him dinner, being there emotionally after a rough day at work, having intellectually stimulating conversation, being a partner in business, a travel companion, bearing him healthy children or simply being an affectionate lover all varies by guy. Whatever it is for him, that’s enough. She doesn’t need to be successful, smart or anything else.
So picture this: You’re a semi-successful, attractive business man. You’re not really aware of what that key female trait is for you, but your heart draws you to it anyway so you don’t need to be. Now, you are drawn to both a waitress and professional business woman. Who is it easier to Get Noticed By? Who is it easier to Impress? (Yes we all want to feel like we are impressing you!) Who is it easier to spend time with? Who is it easier to fall in Love with? If, in this scenario, the guy would be just as happy with either woman, Who would you choose?

BTW the perks I referred to include traveling the world in a leisurely manner and awesome sex. So :P to all the dipshit males who’d rather be a stuggling loser than bend knee to the smarter woman who just wants your undying devotion.

tifa07

You are contradicting yourself. You say you want intelligent conversations, but not smart women. What kind of “intelligent” conversations can you have from a “dumb” woman? If a woman wants a smart man, wouldn’t the man want a smart woman too? Because if they don’t, why would they consider themselves as smart to begin with? Equal in partnership == “intelligent” conversations is your version of “intelligent”. Not overall intelligence, is it?

Amanda Ernst

Not sure why, but this post reminds me of this video — but I’m probably equating “dumb” with “hot” because that’s what one of the guys said anyway right? Dumb girls are prettier?

I could go on…and on…and ON about this subject, but I will try and keep my rants to a minimum.

The guy who’s dating the Kindergarten teacher? Yeah–how about that guy? Though, he really ain’t as smart as he thinks he is…nope, not at all.

See, he thinks she has this quaint little job–with summers and holidays off–that allows plenty of time for her to serve his needs, right? Well, she probably is pretty giving–most teachers are. But for a lot of reasons–reasons that consider far more than whether or not she’ll always be around for him. And she is no dumb woman. With all his condescension, he’s completely overlooking just how smart she is–and that she, more than likely, has him all figured out.

For she, the Kindergarten teacher, probably understands that kind of guy more than any of us…

She spends her days taking care of people who can do so little for themselves, and run to her for every damn little thing they need. People who throw tantrums when they don’t get their way, get into fights that she has to step in and break up…

She does all that and more for them–until they finally tire themselves out. Then she gives them a carton of milk–and a cookie or something–before putting them down for a nap.

Yeah, she’s dealt with his kind before…

Jennifer Wright

You’re kind of making me want to date a kindergarten teacher.

Kevin G

“She spends her days taking care of people who can do so little for themselves, and run to her for every damn little thing they need. People who throw tantrums when they donâ€™t get their way, get into fights that she has to step in and break upâ€¦

She does all that and more for themâ€“until they finally tire themselves out. Then she gives them a carton of milkâ€“and a cookie or somethingâ€“before putting them down for a nap.”

I think this was supposed to shame men into better behavior… but it just sounds awesome. A carton of milk and a cookie? A nap? Yes, please.

Emily

Matt Langer’s got it – those guys who don’t seem interested in smart girls? As a smart girl, you don’t want to date that guy anyway. He’s not going to give you what you want in a relationship, and he is going to expect things from you that you don’t want to give.

Bob

In my experience a woman has no use for a man she looks down on. If she’s taller, or smarter, or makes more money, that’s one strike against him.

Why would a guy waste his time when he’s already behind on the count?

M

I don’t know if I agree with that. Maybe it depends on how people look at their relationships. To me, it’s not one big scorecard. But even if it was that doesn’t change much. I might technically be smarter than my boyfriend, but there are also a lot of things he’s better at than I am. We both have our own positive qualities to bring to the relationship, and because of that together we do better than each of us on our own. Neither of us drags the other person down; that’s a lot of WHY I think our relationship is good.

However, if you are legitimately with someone you can only look down on, or you’re with someone who only ever looks down on you, for god’s sake cut and run. I don’t understand the point of being in a relationship when one party is completely unappreciated.

Patrick Bonacoscia

One thing required in any relationship is emotional maturity and without that you can’t have a solid relationship. There are many people, highly educated, that lack emotional maturity making them not able to have stable relationships.

jhan6120

A woman can’t love a guy she doesn’t respect. If there are more ‘betters’ on her side than his, she will never respect that guy enough to love him. Period. End of story.

How many high-caliber, urban career women do you know who are dating high-school teachers, union electricians, or cable installers? None? I thought so.

Let’ stop slinging the crap and get with reality. Nature is what it is. Accept it, or suffer.

savage

Do you get paid to write this tripe? Come on. This is on par with tabloids. I can’t believe you people actually had a discussion thread in response. My excuse? I have an hour left of work and don’t want to fall asleep now that the trading day is over.

Randal

I’ve been with a woman who is quicker, smarter and more sensible than myself for several years and I AM in love with her and there are some great perks.

But it’s not always easy most men are not conditioned or wired to be on that side of the equation. I suffer ego blows almost daily and occasionally deep emotional trauma.

My agenda and my career come second and gets put on hold often and this can be very frustrating too. It’s also true that she wants me to be as successful as she and is disappointed by my shortcomings on this front. Yet she’s not willing to put up with me working all night long in the office etc…

In the end it all comes down to the reality that I’d rather be an intelligent woman’s bitch than in an office kissing some alpha male’s ass all day long.

nmuzza

Youre so sad!!!!

Dan

Dude, You need some bro’s

atsu

Dude, “alpha male”, it’s in you!

duder

You could always take half her money and become the alpha yourself, if you have the brains to keep and grow your money that is…..

anx murder

To the part by “Our Former Intern Michael Woodsmall”:
Really, after you saw your wild oats you’ll seek those nice, smart women? BAD NEWS, after you f***d all these cheap whores, NO ONE will want you. You’re WORTHLESS. No woman will want your wrinkled, baling ugliness and your diseased ***, to get HIV, HPV, herpes and hepatitis from you. You’re DAMAGED GOODS, worthless garbage, who’s unable to feel respect for women or any love for a woman. You are NOT WORTH IT.

In general, what a nasty, misogynist, hateful blog filled with sh*** spewed by dickless, worthless trash masquerading as “males”.

John

Thanks, someone had to express that sentiment. It’s always annoying to read about men using women to bolster their egos.

But of course what you say is not true. Most women, with their backwards laws of sexual attraction, still want these men more than any others, despite the force of reason in the back of their minds telling them these guys have used many women and have a 99% higher chance of being infected. As anyone who’s taken at least psychology 101 should know, this isn’t just pop psychology.

jhan6120

It’s evolutionary psychology. Women are sexually attracted to Bad Boys. A lot of them make the mistake of thinking they’ll get the Bad Boy who can be tamed, but still retain the bad Boy-ness to keep them sexually engaged.

Can’t have your cake and eat it too, unfortunately.

Robin

First off, I’m female.

Don’t you dare go pointing fingers at men when you yourself will turn around after having fun with those sexy, young, alpha, impossible to tie down guys for the Nice Guy who for the past ten years will have been chasing you and you will have been ignoring him.

How is it ANY different from what you do to men? Calm your tits you crazy woman.

jhan6120

Spot on, Robin. Ohhhh, for the amount of women I know who banged away with Bad Boys until their late 30′s, only to turn around and scream, ‘Where are all the good men!’ when they grew weary of putting themselves through the mill.

Women act as poorly as men do in our culture. But we all let them play the victim card when the bill comes. It’s time to put an end to it.

Dick York

I think you need to tone it down a notch. By the looks of your post, you seem to be a very temprental to jump to such bold conclusions and accusations.

Take a deep breath. Breathe out slowly. As you exhale… Take into consideration that it is not this article’s fault that you are experiencing such sexual frustration. This frustration that you are compelled to unleash on complete strangers is rather disturbing from an outside perspective.

I suggest a chill pill. It is suggested that you take it with water. These things are great for preventing crazy rants like yours.

jhan6120

Hackneyed and condescending attempts at psychological evaluation are just as unattractive. Maybe you should grab your yoga mat and think about that.

ha

Women may sometimes be somewhat intelligent, but seldom wise.
You feminists want equal opportunities and pay? Okay hypothetically let’s say you get it, but afterwards you will complain that your man doesn’t make more money than you and that you WANT to feel inferior? Why don’t you quit your job and start learning how to please a man then biatches, you can’t have both at the same time, doesn’t take a genius to see that.
You create your own problems and blame the man for them. Is it any wonder why you turn men off? The only option you rich ladies have is to equally do as men do and try to buy a boytoy, and don’t complain about it because we sure don’t complain about hot bimbos.

CherriCherri Huang

Last time I checked, kindergarten teacher in California ( public) school requires a post bachelor degree. So technically, waitresses with a high school GED and kindergarten teachers with a master degree or higher are not to be compared. Intelligence and patience, I have, tolerance to ignorance for people beyond adolescents, I don’t! I serve those who are inoccent not those who needs ego boost!

Patrick Bonacoscia

Requiring a bachelor degree for Kindergarten teachers is not very smart.
I say this because if one can have a bachelor degree he/she will want a well paid job instead and that it makes it difficult to find kindergarten teachers (this is what happens where I live)

What should be absolutely required for kindergarten teachers is emotional maturity, and that is becoming a rarity in today’s adults

sdf

Getting those degrees should not be all that technically challenging, not all degrees are equally as hard to obtain. Any STEM bachelor degree is probably 10X harder to obtain. You overgeneralize the intelligence of a person with a certain level degree without pertaining to exactly what type of degree.
I know a teacher with bach degree and she is relatively stupid compared to me, I have lesser education but the education in engineering is much more rigorous and technically demanding.

Nigel

So you want a maid and a mommy?

jhan6120

Maybe you didn’t read what #1 said carefully enough. It’s about time and resources. In fact, he was actually quite non-sexist about the whole thing.

Dan

Ain’t nothing with bro’s. A bro is a friend. A man with no bro’s is not a happy man.

AbsolutelyTrue

women certainly have become very mean to us men and stupid over the years.

ie

perhaps that is why the bible says women must be kept subservient to men. I’m agnostic myself, but all things considered, the bible does seem like a good guide to living life well, especially for stupid people who lack the wisdom to know any better.

Chieu

I don’t think this question is thoroughly precise but by the way it is ask I presume the answer would be “because it is less intimitating to the ego of the man, and less pressure on him to start anything with a easier woman. “smart women” tends to be corrective and takes it too literally” Dating is meant to be fun.

sddsaf

smart women have big ego’s and are actually more stupid than “stupid” girls who have much easier lives shopping and playing all from just looking good and leveraging their power of physical attraction to the fullest. They are jealous that their schooling didn’t get them farther in life than the lazy ditz that just used the age old method prostitution. They are jealous that they are uglier too I bet.

The Corrector

Weren’t slides 10 and eleven the same?

The Corrector

Of course, now I know that guys like idiots because they’re the only people that they’re smarter than. “Yes, I would like smart girls, but I’m not as smart as them so I like the stupid idiots instead.” Perfect explanation.

Alessandra Martellacci

The male ego is the most fragile thing ever made. I am starting to think we need to throw the planet into the sun and start over again.

Guest

Really? And you know how many women that take criticism well?

jhan6120

Really? And how many women do you know who take criticism well? It takes the smallest comment ever from a man to send most women into an emotional vortex.

Alessandra Martellacci

Thanks for proving my point, dude. :D

1212

Your point being that you’re good at baiting people?

Alessandra Martellacci

lol It’s funny that you don’t get it and you’re actually feeding the original point I made.

sarah Gabriel

Some people
might think online dating is total failure. But like it or not it’s becoming
the perfect solution for people like me who don’t have enough time to
socialize. Try globogirls.com it’s really cool.

Drew

someone tell matt langer to shut the fuck up

Harvey

Women are like assets. Dumb women are easier to manage and therefore more valuable. Itâ€™s that simple.

tifa07

You get what you pay for. Once that dumb woman keeps asking you for more money to buy whatever she wants because she doesn’t know the value of money (she is dumb remember?) then you’ll start complaining. Why? Because all she knows is that she can spend YOUR money any way as long as she’s an asset to you. You are what you watch, listen to and do.

Patrick Bonacoscia

Yes… and the poor guy ends up with a divorce after the gold digger can’t extract more money. These women might be “dumb” but the know how to count it seems.

I will always be attracted to smart women, women with whom you can have interesting communication on all levels. And being smart does not necessarily to have made “high studies” but for me is more on the side of emotional maturity and also to be curious of things. Curiosity is the difference between dumb and smart people. It’s the desire to learn and improve yourself whatever social class you came from.

The Man

Smart girls are the NAGGERS, which also causes stress.
Maybe if smart girls get to spend the man’s money they’ll shut up, actually I’ve seen it and no they still nag more than the stupid happy girl.

jesus

Mr. Author you are full of shit..

…

Grow up, because that thing in your pants won’t.

Phil Rozzi

From article: “I, on the other hand, want someone with high ability as well as physical
attraction; someone that will reflect positively on me in a group
situation and that will be able to handle the family affairs and protect
my children if the relationship goes all the way.”

Yes, because a blonde haired, fake nailed bimbo will definitely do this. WTF is wrong with this guy?

Lucas Prassas

This article certainly doesn’t merit utilizing the extent of my ability to refute any comparably inane argument, but it provides the most convenient opportunity to express an oft overlooked assertion that I’ve been suppressing the urge to evince than any other discursive outlet that I have been able to locate via a search engine, thus far. The very notion that men collectively prefer the behavioral aesthetics of unintelligent women is commonly touted as an accepted generalization of actual concupiscent predispositions, primarily because of commercial media, which, in turn, ultimately garners its own rationale for perpetuating it from archaic propaganda that was intended to politically oppress women for much more pragmatic reasons, and not from marketing research. The actual mating-related tendencies of virtually all humans is fairly straightforward, in this context; they do not selectively engender unique preferences as to which functionally superior, genetic attributes are desirable, at least not autonomously. Doing so would discredit the core tenets of natural selection, and that is simply not going to happen. The real culprit for this phenomenon is the insufficiency of human genealogy to counteract the influences of cultural constructs and their unintended consequences: in this case, the precedence of the amoral and violent as successful conquerors and prolonged rulers. The exclusive prioritization of such ruthless oppressors enabled them to shape the collective psychology of society with no regard for its detriment to the rest of the population, in its entirety. The fact that the last of these truly unrivaled leaders were white males obviates the cause of the lingering contempt for women and all other social minorities, despite the apparent contradiction of evolutionary logic suggested by the widespread dissonance regarding the indelible adaptive propensity toward and necessity for all non-pathological genomes to exist and be permeated by a maximally ubiquitous distribution of survival-enhancing characteristics.

TL;DR: Evolution says that smarter women are inherently more desirable to the heterosexual male psyche than dumber ones, and the present failure of most people to grasp this is simply a dysfunction of our overpopulated, and therefore epistemically unstable, society.

Really? You think gibberish like that makes you smart? Is this a hoax, like the Sokal/Lingua Franca thing? What kind of tool communicates this way?

http://deathofhallyu.blogspot.com/ Death of Hallyu

The question is: do they MARRY the dumb women? There seems to be a huge difference between the women men DATE and the women they MARRY. For example, they will date the chick who sleeps around, but strangely the same girl who gets around is not wanted for marriage.

anon.

As high-T perspective —

If you’re more intelligent and successful than me, you deserve someone better so LEAVE ME ALONE!

I want to dominate the relationship (in a virtual way… she wont be my slave, but I like the feeling). Intelligent women wont take that. TURN OFF!!

Alessandra Martellacci

It’s only a turn off because you’re weak and overly sensitive. I think it’s the “high-T” that does it, personally.

Janice

“What’s more, with the economy geared in ways that limit their opportunities, attaching themselves to a smart mate is one of the few tactics for economic advancement”.

And this guy considers himself smart? I BEG to DIFFER. Perhaps I should drop my PhD studies in order to find a “man”. NOT all men are like that, my boyfriend who is soon to finish his residence in ER medicine isn’t like that at all.

jhan6120

Since, as a PhD candidate, you are specifically NOT one of the ‘dumb’ women that this guy is referring to, why would you assume that he thinks you should drop your studies? If anything, if you were to follow his reasoning through, he would suggest that a dumb-but-handsome guy attach himself to YOU so that he could advance his own socio-economic interests.

Being a PhD candidate, I would hope that you might put your emotions aside in order to see whether or not you agreed with his reasoning process. But perhaps I hope too much. Perhaps an emotional, knee-jerk response is all we’ll get.

‘This guy’ also did not make any claim as to ‘all men’ being anything. At least I can’t see where he might have.

Sandy

Don’t agree with this either, I have come across many times that Intelligent men such as Doctors, Engineers etc prefer smart women too. Always see it at parties, and other get together’s that they are looking for a long-term relationship with someone having some smarts. There are even websites such http://www.iqcatch.com that seem to have smart men wanting to meet other smart women.

Guest

#1 and #7 are spot on. Two people who work like demons won’t have any time for each other at all. One person has to be the hunter, the other, the gatherer. Hedge fund guy is a bottom-line, brass tacks person who can understand this. It isn’t so much what people ‘want,’ it’s what workable, and what isn’t, according to the resources and capabilities at hand.

Think hedge-fund guy is a bit ‘cold? ‘in his practical way of thinking? Think about it this way; if we didn’t have people like him – people who are capable of cutting through the emotional fluff to the raw data that helps SOLVE PROBLEMS – we’d be screwed.

#7 thinks in terms of economics. Also a good way to measure things.

jhan6120

NICE is the key. I don’t really care what a woman’s intellectual status is; is she NICE, and is she a GOOD PERSON. Does she treat others well? Does she treat herself with respect? Is she caring, considerate, fun to be with, etc, etc . . .

I would rather date a woman of middling intellectual ability who is NICE, than a PhD candidate who’s a bitch. Just as I would rather date a NICE particle physicist than a mean dumb girl.

There are many intelligent people in the world. But it takes a SMART person, a person of worldly experience, to dial back the snarkiness and give people a break. Yeah, so you’re smart. Big freakin’ whoop!! I once met a hot woman who I thought was ‘dumb,’ until I learned that she owned three hair salons and lived in a sprawling Chelsea loft. She never went beyond high-school. If anything, this woman ALLOWED people to think she was dumb and used it to her advantage.

Perhaps with dumb women there are less questions to answer when they date them and they can satisfy them with gifts and all. If single women want to meet single men in USA – MeetOutside.com is a good place to start.