I am not a writer, per se, but I like to write. I have been on a few writing retreats lead by nationally known author Laura Davis. I learned from her that anyone can be a writer. Writing can be so healing, cathartic and a real way to figure out what is going on inside of me. She has taught me many tools and techniques for writing, which I share in my articles, with my clients, and they have been personally helpful and transformative.

One of the first tips she taught me is- write. Just write, no matter how bad it sounds. Get the thoughts and words on the paper, editing is not necessary and is counterproductive in the beginning stages of writing.

Here are some ways to get started:

Get a journal that does not cost much money. I got mine at CVS Pharmacy for a few dollars. It is the spiral bound version that I used to use in high school. Really inexpensive. Why? My other journals are too pretty or expensive to use to write down the common stuff that comes to my head. I would always save the “good writing” for my pretty journals and then I never wrote. I know I am not alone in this.

Make sure you can keep your journal in a safe place.Really safe. When you are writing your most personal secrets, you do not want someone else reading it. I find I am freer with what I write when I know no one else will look at it. Some people put their journal in a special place, some hide them in a place no one can find, and some hide it in their car. The first car I bought was a used Datsun B210. The woman who owned it before me did not remember her journals secret hiding space- in the car I just bought from her. Needless to say, I learned too much about her.

Set a really small period of time to write, like10 minutes. Everyone has an extra 10 minutes. Really, you do. Just keep the pen moving on the paper and see what comes out. A good starting point is to say, “Today I will…” and then fill in the blank. Keep writing until the 10 minutes are up. If you cannot think of anything to say write, “I cannot think of anything to write.” Keep writing it until something else pops into your head and write that.

I do not suggest you openly share what you wrote with friends, spouse or family.They might not be as open to what you have to say as you might want them to be. Writing is powerful and exposes our vulnerabilities, be careful who you share it with.

I am happiest when I am…Writing is a powerful tool to the unconscious. It can be your starting point to telling yourself some truths you otherwise were not willing to listen to. If deep issues arise, you might need to seek the assistance of a counselor to work it out.

I cannot say I am a good writer, what I can say is I now enjoy writing and the benefits it brings me, I feel better after I write in my journal. Do you write? Let us know some of your tips to get started below.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.

Do you have food rules? You know the ones you tell yourself you need to follow, so you can be “good”. A lot of people I have met have some type of food rule. You may see these food rules as a way to keep yourself from overeating or gaining weight.

Food rules are frustrating/ineffective, because they are hard to follow and they do not work over the long term. Some food rules I have heard are:

No candy or chocolate in the house.
This rule is used to help you not eat sweets, because you have the idea sweets are bad

No eating after 8pm, even if you are hungry.
This rule is used to help you not eat in the nighttime for fear of gaining weight or overeating.

Refrigerator that has minimal food except diet food. This rule helps you not have tempting food in the house with the idea that if there is no tempting food around you will not overeat.

Hide any candy wrappers or evidence that you ate something “bad.”
This rule helps you forget what you ate to avoid remorse or punishment for overeating.

Eat as if you’re on a diet in front of others and binge in private.
This food rule makes you think you are on track and gives others that illusion so that they can tell you how little they see you eat.

Eat fast food in your car while you are driving.
This food rule helps you be distracted when eating, so you might forget what you ate and not feel bad about it. It is also an unsafe driving habit.

Anytime you eat a forbidden food you need to exercise.
This rule sets up the idea that when you eat you have to exercise. This puts exercise as connected to food and makes you, in the end, only exercise when on a diet, not as a normal part of life.

I am allowed to eat comfort foods when I am under stress.
This rule allows you to eat when stressed and for some of us that is often. This takes away the normal use of hunger as the tool to determine when you eat.

Do some of these fit you? Don’t worry -you are not alone. Relating to these food rules can be a starting spot for you to see if something is not working in your relationship with food.

Often food rules are thought of as a way to avoid overeating. But do they really help you avoid overeating? I have found that they actually are the precursor to overeating: Engaging in food rules feels like deprivation, which is the starting spot to overeating. Once you tell yourself you cannot have a certain food, it starts a process where a part of your mind says “you cannot tell me what to do.” That rebel side will lead you to overeat when times get tough, when life gets hard.

I encourage you to look at your own food rules and see if they set you up to overeat. If they are the precursor to your overeating, reexamine if you still want them as a rule.

Identifying and owning your food rules is the start to letting them go. Let us know your food rules in the comments section.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact herhere. Sign up for herFREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website atwww.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.

At the end of every year I like to reflect and consider what has happened during the previous year. I get excited to spend some private time looking at my calendar, my journal and pictures to piece together my take away for the year. Each year’s reflection looks different and this year is no exception. Some years I write long journal entries about the previous year or I reflect in my mind or with a trusted friend about what I saw as the ups and downs of my life. No matter which method I chose I like to end the year considering what worked and what didn’t. This reflection of the previous year can focus on several aspects of my life or a few. Some areas of my life I explore are:

Self

Family/Friends

Work/Education

Creative

Spiritual

Home

Money/Finances

I examine each of these areas and determine if there is something that I need to release and change so I don’t continue it into the New Year. Or I see if there is an area that I want to focus and do more of in the New Year. Ending the old year in this way gives me the ability to start new in the next year. For me, this is a time to start fresh. When considering what the past year has meant you could think about these questions:

What was the general theme for this past year?

If you use one to three words to guide your year, as I do- what happened?

If you made a Vision Board what has changed? What is the same?

What was positive during the year?

What was difficult during the year?

Is there anything to be released?

Is there a word that reflects what you want to bring into the New Year?

Using the above questions can be helpful at the end the year, so you can get some perspective regarding where you are now and for preparing a foundation for something new ahead. I am excited for the potential of this New Year and hope you are too. How do you plan to let go of the old year? Let us know below.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact herhere. Sign up for herFREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website atwww.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.

Over the holidays many people talk about consciously overeating and putting on a “few pounds.” Then they vow to start their diet on January 1. This can lead to a pattern of overeating, gaining weight, dieting and then overeating. This pattern, typical during this time of year, is not necessary. Here are some tips to change this pattern during the holidays.

Eat when you feel physically hungry. Some people wait all day to eat in anticipation of a party and then overindulge at the party. If you are hungry before you go to the party then eat. Being physically satiated can help food cravings.

Eat to nourish your body, not to nurture your emotions. Overeating can be used to sooth feelings of loneliness, sadness, guilt, and anxiety. Holidays are ripe with emotional overload, over-commitment, and family hassles. Take care of your emotions in ways that do not involve food, such as walking, talking with a friend, writing in a journal, or watching a funny movie.

Turn the idea of “exercising” into physically moving your body in a way that is fun. Our bodies were made to move around. Do what feels right to you. Find movement that you enjoy and do that, such as walking, dancing, or yoga.

Keep a schedule of movement that is regular. This is the time when many stop their exercise regimen due to a packed schedule. Don’t fall into that trap. Keep that physical “me time” in your day to keep yourself fit and active.

Lastly, if you eat in a way that leaves you feeling overfull and worried that you will gain weight- don’t beat yourself up. The worst thing you can do is create more negativity for yourself. Negative comments about yourself do not lead to behavior change and can lead to more negativity which can lead to more overeating.

Use this holiday season to approach food and exercise differently. Don’t give into the mindset that it is natural and OK to gain weight over the holidays. Treat yourself with the loving kindness you deserve that includes taking care of your body and soul year round. Let us know in the comments what your plan for healthy eating and fitness is.

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact herhere. Sign up for herFREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website atwww.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.

Many women tell me they are not motivated to exercise, they do not want to sweat or they are too busy. Exercise is an important tool to end overeating. I spent some time with Denise Rhyne, coach at Kaia F.I.T.in Roseville. I asked her the questions I hear from so many women who feel overwhelmed with having to add exercise onto their already full plate. Denise is extremely passionate about fitness, but understands the reality of our daily lives. Denise advises us to get away from letting the number on the scale dictate our level of success, instead focus on “strong is the new skinny.” Here are her answers to the questions I often hear:

How does someone who has never worked out much get started?

First and foremost, start slowly and stay in the “now”. Stay away from the negative thoughts that say, “I shouldn’t have let myself get so out of shape”, “If only I’d started 3 years ago,” etc. Allow yourself to be exactly where you are with starting over or just starting your program.

Commit to your workouts for at least 21 days or 3-4 weeks in order to create a habit of activity.

Choose a venue or environment that feels comfortable to you, like if you know you love to be outdoors, pick an outdoor venue. If you know you love to do a variety of different exercises both indoors and outdoors, pick a place that will offer you those options.

Schedule your workout time (days, times and locations) on your calendar for at least 21 days.

Be patient and keep your expectations realistic, just starting is good.

Enjoy the process and don’t give up. Too many times we set unrealistic expectations and look at a workout program as a “start to finish” event. Instead, look at your health and workouts as a long term life style.

There do not seem to be enough hours in the day- how do you recommend someone find time to work out?

Just as we can all find extra money per month by eliminating even the smallest items, we can find extra time by eliminating time wasters or time spent doing things for everyone else that is not absolutely necessary.

Look at the time slots in your schedule that you can control and identify an appointment, errand, commitment you’ve made that you can delegate, or eliminate. Get up early while everyone is asleep or go right after work.

Although finding this time may initially be an adjustment and a challenging one at that for you and others in your family or circle, 99.9% of the time, everyone adjusts quite well and you’ll be amazed at how easy it is to keep that time to yourself!

So many women go to bed with the intention to work out the next day, but they wake up unmotivated. What are some tips to get motivated?

Ultimately, we all want to feel and look healthy, have more energy, sleep better, have clearer eyes and skin. It is proven that a healthy lifestyle including exercise and clean eating contribute to feeling and looking healthy.

Think about why you made the initial decision to begin your workout program; remind yourself of your “why.” Your own “why” is a deeper reason than wanting to lose weight. An example of someone’s “why” would be “I want to lose weight so that I can play and move with my kids at the park rather than sit on the bench because I am so uncomfortable getting up and down carrying this extra weight” or “I want to lower my cholesterol or blood pressure to prevent any risk of health issues that are prevalent in my family, so that I am around to see my kids graduate from high school, college”

If you have not really identified your “why”, now is the time to do this. Finding and remembering the real reason you want to stay on your journey to health and fitness is key to staying on your path.

People start a diet program and end up losing weight in the beginning but then plateau and can’t seem to lose the rest. They get frustrated and stop working out.

With so much information, hype and focus on losing weight and being thin, it’s easy to get caught up in the numbers and to lose track of the real and individual meaning of health and fitness for each of us.

The good news is that solely focusing on the number on the scale is not as important as how strong and fit you feel.

Strong is in. Feeling healthy and vibrant is in. Looking and feeling fit is in.

A true plateau is four weeks of no body fat lost, no inches lost AND no weight loss. Chances are, when we think we’ve hit a plateau, we really haven’t. If in fact you have experienced no changes in any of the 3, you’re not at a complete dead end. This is a great opportunity to re-evaluate and get extra honest with you, with your nutrition and exercise habits.

How are your meal and snack portions?

How frequently are you eating?

What are you eating?

Are you consistent with your workouts? Are you mixing up your workout regime so that your muscles and mind are “confused” and are not used to the same old training regime? “When you change your workout routine frequently, you are asking your body to continuously adapt and to be challenged, act and react in different ways to do what you’re asking it to do. With the constantly changing movement of your muscles, your metabolism will naturally increase.”

A good exercise to help reset yourself is to journal your food and workouts for at least 3 days. 99% of the time you will find that your portions are a bit larger than they should be or you are waiting too long in between meals to eat or those “just this time” less than optimal food choices are occurring more frequently than you realized. You may also realize that your workouts have been more sporadic than you thought.

Keep track, change it up and keep going!

Gyms can be intimidating- what should someone look for in deciding where to work out?

First impressions are always key and are also most always accurate. When you call or drop in to check out a gym or workout facility, you want to feel immediately and genuinely “invited” or welcome. If the feeling you get from your first encounter does not sit well with you, move on.

Don’t be afraid to ask any and all questions that you have. You workout program is about you.

With that said, don’t be afraid to step out of your comfort zone. If you find a workout place where you love everything you see and hear but there are one or two items that are not on your “perfect gym list”, re-evaluate whether or not those items are excuses or real requirements. An example might be, if one of your requirements is that the workout area’s temperature is like that of a doctor’s office waiting room and the facility you’ve found is not as cool, but you love everything else about the facility and you have no medical conditions that require you to be in a certain temperature.

Get out of that temperature comfort zone and try something new! You will be pleasantly surprised at how quickly this requirement becomes unimportant to you and that is really was an excuse!

If you are struggling to put exercise as part of your lifestyle, I think Denise makes some great suggestions. I have personally used her suggestions to help me remain motivated. Thinking more about fitness as a goal and less about weight loss can be a great contribution to overall success. Hope to see you at the gym soon!

Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact herhere. Sign up for herFREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website atwww.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.