Archive for October, 2011

“When my boyfriend proposes, I want it to be somewhere special, like Paris or on top of the Empire State building.” “I want my man to do something exciting and surprising when he proposes, like having a skydiver deliver the ring!” “I hope my partner hires Brad Pitt to propose on his behalf…” Okay, so maybe those ideas are a little far-fetched, but what woman doesn’t have an idea of how she wants the question to be popped? It may be as vague as ‘something romantic’ or it may be detailed right down to the music she wants playing, but most girls have some sort of scenario in the back of their minds. However, it is going to be a very big ask to have a guy meet those expectations if he doesn’t know what they are, and if she won’t help him.
Most girls play these fantasies out in their minds but don’t let on that this is what they hope and dream of. It is a recipe for disappointment to want something but not communicate it to the one person who is supposed to provide it! The second most important element is making it possible. Once you have set aside fairytale ideas (sorry girls, I don’t think Brad Pitt does private gigs) you are left with some more or less realistic plans. The idea then is to make them as workable as possible. If you want to be whisked away somewhere romantic and exotic, make sure you have a current passport and a few free weekends. If you want to do something exciting, make sure you are up for scuba diving or bungy jumping! If you want to commit to a life together under the shadow of the Statue of Liberty, make yourself available for a trip to New York. If you are scared of heights or unwilling to fly or too busy to get away for a few days, it is unfair to expect your guy to go to great lengths to fulfill your fantasy because quite simply, he can’t. By imagining scenarios you make too hard to play out you are conspiring against him! Similarly, make sure he is able to cooperate. If he can’t swim, a snorkeling adventure will be out, and if he is on call an overnight getaway may be impossible just now.
The proposal is just the start of the marriage journey, but if you want it to begin the right way, make sure you have let him know what that will look like and give him plenty of opportunities to get it right. Learn the secrets to get your boyfriend to pop the question.

Sorry, but men wouldn’t get married if society accepted long term cohabitation. Society pressures men into marriage. They do it for women, because men are biologically programmed to do whatever is necessary to mate.

What semi-intelligent man would enter into a contractual arrangement these days, knowing that over half of marriages end in divorce? Not to mention that women initiate divorce nearly 70% of the time, with the majority being ‘no fault’ divorces.

Men want to cohabitate, sans the financial and emotional devastation. A long-term relationship is identical to marriage. One has requires an expensive ring, ceremony and divorce court attorney, while the other requires only love and commitment. Guess which one this man is choosing?

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I’m actually really happy Mark decided to leave his comment, because he is voicing a very common opinion amongst men. The benefits to getting married for a man are growing shorter each passing year. Mark is also correct with his statistics, 50% of marriages will end in divorce and 70% of those marriages are initiated by women.

I have to admit, I was a little shocked when I learned that 70% of divorces were initiated by women. When I read this my first thought was adultery or perhaps there were a lot of abusive husbands , but this isn’t the case at all. 70% of divorces initiated by women are due to “no fault,” meaning there has been no wrong doing by either party to break the marital contract.

Mark, also brings up a good point, that women expect a man to buy them an expensive ring (at least 3 months salary), and finance a wedding ceremony (minimum $10,000 for a cheap wedding) to prove their love. Men on the other hand only ask for loyalty and commitment, when they walk down the aisle. Don’t try to use the argument that the wedding is for the man as well. We all know the wedding is for the woman and this is coming from a man who believes in marriage.

Don’t forget that a woman is also entitled to 50% of the man’s income after a divorce. Independent upon the length of the marriage and/or whether or not the wealth was generated before or after the marriage. Alimony was meant as a way to protect a housewife who had spent her time supporting her husband. Since she was not working, but was supporting her husband in his endeavors his income was her income. Therefore upon a divorce, half of his salary would have to go to support his ex-wife as this is what she has earned. I am in full belief of this principle.

However, with most women in the workforce today, this tends not to be the case anymore. Yet, men continue to be fearful of getting married and losing half of their wealth to a woman that never helped them achieve it. Hence the over usage of the prenuptial agreement.

The conclusion that many men are coming too is to just not get married. Do you understand now why it is so hard to convince some men to get married? Do you see why it is important to learn a man’s point of view on marriage, so you can understand what you need to do to convince a man to want to get married. Stop trying to force men into wanting to get married. Instead learn what you need to do to combat these negative perceptions about marriage, so your boyfriend will want to propose.