My daughter is 15-years-old. No matter what I do and no matter how hard I try she seems to despise me! The problem is, I keep trying. I send her kind texts and she doesn’t respond back. I take her to get those crazy drinks that we used to just call coffee and I barely get a thank you.

Just recently she had a birthday and I posted a picture wishing her a happy birthday to tell her how much I loved her. She responded to everyone else’s comments, but nothing to me. I did get a ‘Like’ from her, but that felt like a slap in the face. On the same day I noticed another mom posting a birthday picture to her daughter and the daughter responded with a, “Thank you sooo much mom. I love you!” Ouch.

I am not sure what my question is, but I know I am feeling like I have done something wrong. Can you help me with this?

From,

Down and Out

Dear Down and Out,

Remember when our kiddos turned two and everyone you talked to did that deep sigh thing and even rolled their eyes a bit knowing the choppy waters you were about to enter? You have returned to the waters. The difference is your two-year-old stayed in the boat and your fifteen-year-old has jumped off. Welcome to the teen years.

Just like in any storm, it too shall pass, but what we do in the middle of the storm can be the difference between surviving and capsizing.

First off, you are not alone. Yes, you will find girls that show signs of kindness to their mom, and I am guessing there are moments when you see glimmers of connection and kindness too, but don’t compare yourself to anyone during this time. There are many different reasons for girls to stay close to their moms during the teen years, and they are not always healthy. This is the time for teens to push away, test the boundaries and strive for independence, so know that what you are experiencing is developmentally normal.

Second, you are feeling the hurt and growing pains that moms experience as our little bundles of joy become less little and less joyful. We long for that sweet girl in pigtails to look at us and say, “Mommy, I love you!” followed by a big hug that can last for what seems like forever. Bubble popped, that time has passed and boy does it hurt! We now get rolling eyes, door slamming and the cold shoulder. This can be infuriating!

Be aware of the feelings under the frustration and anger; I promise it is fear and sadness. We fear that we are raising a cruel and mean girl and we are sad because we are slowly watching our girls grow up and leave the nest. Knowing it is fear and sadness, we can take a deep breath, call a friend to vent, cry and process and then put on our armor to join the battle field again.

Third, our children need our strength. If we go back to the boat analogy, they are swimming in difficult waters (hormone changes, brain changes, body image, relationship, academics, and on, and on, and on!) They don’t need our hurt and angry feelings, they need our strength; they need us to be their anchor when they are feeling out of control. If we role model strength, they will learn to use that as their coping mechanism. But too often we jump into the out of control waters with them which only forces them to swim further away. Stay in the boat and be their anchor.

Fourth, focus on what you want your daughter to learn. If we can take off our emotional hat and put on our teaching one, we will help our daughters learn from the experience. But instead, if we become angry and escalated we have put ourselves in the crazy corner and our girls only learn that we are crazy. In order for our daughters to learn, we must stay calm and firm.

Fifth, pick your battles and when you do, set the boundary. We set boundaries to teach respect, responsibility, health and safety. If you feel your daughter has crossed the line hold her accountable. That is how we become their anchor. When she is not being respectful, teach her, when she is not being responsible, teach her and whenhen she is not being healthy or safe, teach her. She is feeling out of control and she is looking for you to anchor her.

So when you send your daughter a nice text and she does not text back, decide if that is a battle you want to fight or if you can chalk it up to needing to push away from mom a bit. If you buy her a crazy coffee drink and she does not say thank you, teach her about the importance of respect when people do nice things for her. And if you post a picture on social media and she doesn’t respond, ask yourself why you are upset. We can’t become the teachers our children need unless we fully understand the feelings we have behind our reactions.

Most importantly, no matter how mad she gets and no matter how hard she pushes you away, remember, she does need you. It is just different than how she used to need you. Be her anchor and once the storm has passed you can get back in the boat together.

In 1997 I was teaching first grade. One day a boy in my class came to me holding back tears and said, “Mrs. Garlick, the kids don’t like me and I don’t like me.” I have no idea what I said next, I only remember feeling a wave of sadness and naively thinking that he must have a horrible home life! How could a child feel so bad about himself if he had loving parents at home? I called this boy’s mom and asked her to come in for a meeting. What walked through the door was unexpected. She was lovely. She was quiet like her son, but in a gentle, kind sort of way. I shared with her my concerns and tears began streaming down her face. She simply said, “He says the same thing to me and I don’t know what to do. I tell him I love him everyday. I tell him how special he is. I have tried everything.” Again, I don’t remember how I responded, I only remember feeling hopeless because I could not help this mom and I could not help this boy.

Time passed, I stopped teaching and became a mom. The sadness of the boy and the helplessness of the mom have come back to me often because my lens has changed. I now see everything through the eyes of a mom. I know the feeling of watching my child be left out and the feeling of watching my child leave out another. I know the feeling of losing my cool only to find myself in the closet crying because I was sure I had messed everything up, again. I know the feeling of how a hug can fix a boo-boo when my child was little and the feeling of having the door slammed in my face as my child became a teen. I know the feeling of sending my child into the public bathroom alone for the first time and watching my child drive away behind the wheel for the first time. I know the feeling of wanting to fix everything to make the pain go away and watching my child become angry when I would try. I know the feeling because I am a mom.

And so I have made it my mission to understand everything possible about parenting. How is it that we can show a child love and he can feel sadness? How is it that we can have high expectations for our child and he can feel like a failure? How is it that we can tell our child he is awesome only to have him feel far from awesome? How is it that we can teach our child to be well behaved only to watch him do the complete opposite? I wanted to figure EVERYTHING out because I wanted to take away the helplessness and give hope. I wanted to know how to act, what to say and how to raise responsible, respectful, confident, joyful adults. And so I did. I went back to school, I became a counselor, I read and researched everything I could get my hands on and I learned. And while I know I can’t help every parent, I AM GOING TO TRY MY VERY HARDEST!

I have created my curriculum based on the authoritative style of parenting which the research has backed for years. It is called The Backpack, The Safety Net & The Compass. Parenting is a natural balance between nurture and structure, but the way we were parented will affect our ability to find this balance. In fact, it often affects every reaction and interaction we have with our children. This is what I call The Backpack. Once we understand our own Backpack, we begin to discuss The Safety Net and The Compass, the nurture and the structure, the love and the rules. The combination of both is the road to raising responsible, respectful, confident, joyful adults. In our time together I will lead you through why nurture and structure are so important and give you specific ways to implement them in your home.

There is no reason you should be parenting alone or parenting helplessly. There are ways to make a difference and the first step is doing it together. Make 2017 the year you make your parenting life a little bit easier. Set up your class today!

When a child escalates in anger, it often feels like a tornado that takes everything out in its path. It can be so powerful that parents find themselves bracing for impact and they usually get swept up in its furry.Â Either way it is exhausting. While it is difficult to predict when a tornado will hit, there are things we can do as parents to prepare ourselves and our children ahead of time.

1. Tornados donâ€™t just magically appear.

A tornado is created when warm, moist air mixes with cool, dry air causing instability. Anger is not much different.Â Anger is a secondary emotion that rears its ugly head when another feeling is being ignored or not heard.Â In other words, there is usually something going on behind the anger such as embarrassment, jealousy, sadness, fear and even shame.Â Having this awareness as a parent allows us to have more compassion and empathy for the angry outburst and not get swept into its path.

2. Teach your children how to prepare for a tornado.

Anger is not bad, but how we choose to express it can be.Â We often assume our children know how to calm down so we donâ€™t take the time to teach them.Â Create a calming corner in your house.Â This is a place where your children can go when they are angry, sad or in need of quiet time. Focussing on soothing activities will ultimately help them deescalate.Â Here are a few examples:

Calming Corner: Find a quiet place in your home.Â Fill it with pillows, blankets, stuffed animals and books. Â Let them go there whenever they want to relax or calm down.

Squish box: Find a appliance box, cut out some windows and allow your child to create a calming place to sit. Stock it with crayons or markers so they can decorate the walls.Â Make it a place of no judgment where they can express their feelings with drawings and words.

Blow out your birthday candles: Pretend your five fingers are candles, take a deep breath and slowly blow each “candle” out.

Tight body: Tighten every muscle in your body, relax every muscle and then repeat.

Stretch to the sky: Stretch up onto your tippy toes, relax and then repeat.

Squish ball: Focus your energy on squeezing a ball.

Magical music: Listen to calming music with headphones.

Rocking chair: Rock back and forth in a rocking chair.

Taco blanket: Wrap yourself tight in a blanket.

Play-Doh: Kneed and create with Play-Doh.

Paper basketball: Crumple up paper balls and throw them into a garbage can.

Touch: If your child will let you, rub their hands, lay shoulder to shoulder while reading a book or give them a hug.3.

3. Wait for the tornado to pass.

When a child is escalated, we try throwing everything at the anger hoping that something will stick; we scream, we yell, we ground them until college and then we take away everything they have ever owned.Â None of it works because they are too escalated. Â Think about the times whenÂ you have been escalated in anger. Â It is difficult to hear anything with the exception of your pounding heartÂ or your ringing ears.Â Save yourself the effort and do nothing until they have calmed down.Â Wait for the storm to pass and then work on the cleanup effort.

4. Focus on theÂ cleanup.Â

We all get angry and we all make mistakes.Â When the tornado has passed it is time to rebuild what was broken.Â Listen to your child, validate how he felt and then if needed, give your child a consequence if he hurt himself, hurt someone else or damaged property.Â Being consistent with your rules and giving consequences is just as important as listening and validating.Â It just doesnâ€™t need to come from a place of anger.

5. When the tornado has passed let it go.

Once the tornado has passed and everything is cleaned up it is time to let it go.Â There is a mentality that when things have been really bad we need to punish our childrenÂ even more;Â the worse the crime, the worse the punishment and the more they will hear about our disappointment.Â I challenge you to let it go.Â Children learn better choices through the mistakes they have made.Â If we choose to teach them a lesson through discussion and consequence,Â they will grow, if we choose to punish and dwell on the mistake they will shrink.Â Letâ€™s help them to grow.

It often feels like our children escalate in anger just to make us crazy, but it is actually so much more. Â Jump off the crazy train, begin discussing what anger really is, prepare for when it happens and help your child to be successful when they do feel out of control. Anger is not bad, it simply is a way for our children to tell us what is not being heard. Â Our gift to them is when we listen.

Perfection is an interesting beast. Â It is usually a persons way of controlling their surroundings. Â It is their way of notÂ looking at painful feelings inside.Â The idea is, if everything looks good on the outside, we donâ€™t need to let anyone know what is really going on inside. We want to look ‘perfectly wrapped’.

Knowing the difference between liking things in order and emotional pain plays out in our reactions.Â If we Â like an orderly house,Â like to look good andÂ do everything well, we will not be phased when the opposite happens.Â We brush them off, laugh at ourselves and probably work to make it better the next time.Â Those of us who use perfection to protect our inner feelings completely lose it when things donâ€™t go the way we planned.Â We scream and yell at our loved ones,Â go over the top to fix what was brokenÂ andÂ find ourselves in a pile of numb, drinking, eating, shopping or spending the day in bed.

Think of it this way, when a package is perfectly wrapped, we have no idea what is inside of the box.Â We only see the beauty on the outside and canâ€™t imagine it is anything but wonderful on the inside. It isnâ€™t until the wrapping paper is ripped off that we begin thinking about what is on the inside.Â For some this is not a problem.Â For others the thought is paralyzing. If that box is filled with shame, the fear of an unwrapped box is too much. We will do EVERYTHING in our power to re-wrap the box, hide the box or feel complete shame when it is seen.

So how do we stop worrying about whatâ€™s inside the box? We donâ€™t. We canâ€™t. Feelings canâ€™t be ignored, hidden, stuffed, squished or squashed. They can only gradually float in and out of our lives after they have been accepted.Â Think of a young child who is trying to get your attention.Â The more you ignore him, the more he tries until you get down on his level, look him in the eyes and see what he needs.Â Once you do, he tells you his story, shows you his dance or explains his schoolwork and then simply runs off to play. Feelings are no different, if we ignore them, they will grow and if we accept them, they will shrink.

So why do we continue this craziness? Because it is never the feeling that hurts, itâ€™s the shame.Â Shame says we are bad, shame says we are a mistake and shame says we are not lovable. And so, we make the decision that ignoring is less difficult then feeling shame.Â We decide it is much easier to stay trapped inside a box that looks beautiful on the outside then it is to show what we see as a horrible mess on the inside. We continue to fight to look perfect everyday and it is exhausting! But because of this fight, we are strong.Â Exhausted yes, but strong.Â Stronger than we know and stronger than we give ourselves credit for.

We have spent years hiding what is inside the box when in reality the box is what turned us into fighters.Â The box is what forced us to be problem solvers.Â The box is what helped us figure out ways to cope. Coping is defined as dealing with and trying to find solutions to problems. Although perfection doesnâ€™t seem like the best solution to a problem, it is much better than simply throwing in the towel.Â The inside of the box has taken much from us, but it has given us the gift of strength.

It is time to use this strength to help rather than to hurt. Until now we have used our strength to hide everything stuffed inside.Â We are not alone.Â If for one day, we were all able to stand next to our open boxes, we would never close them again because in an instant the truth would be told and we would see for the first time that we are not the only ones suffering.Â We are all walking around protecting what is inside our boxes, exhausted and lonely, but strong.

I challenge you to get a new box, label it strength, stop fighting and begin accepting.Â In order to do this, you must begin sharing your story with people who will hold your story gently. And while this seems nearly impossible, you have done years of the impossible.Â You can do this, because once your box no longer protects your secrets, you no longer need to put all your energy into protecting your box.Â The fighting takes a back seat and acceptance begins knocking at your door.

Years ago my girlfriend invited me to take a class. The only prerequisite was to bring my favorite coffee cup. Most of my coffee cups were plain. I wasnâ€™t very excited about my choices, but I had some time. It must have been around a holiday because shortly after my quest to find a cup my cousin gave me one. This coffee cup was unique and quirky and I loved it. It was covered in a greenish-blue sketch of flowers with an off center and crooked red â€˜Sâ€™ for my name. It was small, you could see the pottery rings inside and the handle was even a bit off center. It was perfectly imperfect. Check it off my list; I had found my cup.

I showed up for the first class with my coffee cup in hand. After small talk and introductions, the leader asked us to spend time analyzing and describing our cups. One woman said she used the same cup every morning because although it was cracked she loved the way it felt in her hands. Another woman said she liked the colors of her cup and that it was deep enough for a big cup of coffee. Another woman said she just grabbed one off the shelf. She did not think too much about what it looked like; she just cared about the drink inside. Another woman said she liked nothing about her coffee cup. It was ugly and small and she didnâ€™t drink coffee anyway. And then it was my turn. I explained that I usually drank out of a plain white coffee cup, but I had just received this cup as a gift and I loved it. It was unique, it was different, it definitely wasnâ€™t perfect, but it made me smile.

As the class progressed it became clear that the coffee cup was a representation of our bodies. Our cup might be cracked, our cup might be faded or our cup might be a funny shape, but it didnâ€™t matter. It represented our imperfections, our journey, our uniqueness. And yet for years I had used a plain white coffee cup. It was boring and safe and I was tired of it. My new cup was much more like the person I wanted to be. It was whimsical, it was colorful, and it was definitely not perfect. It was time to love and enjoy my cup with all its imperfections and quirkiness.

Life continued and my class became a distant memory until a few years later. Every morning I make my coffee the exact same way; I brew it, pour it, squeeze honey in it, stir it and fill it with ice. If I have not finished my cup of coffee by the time I drive my kids to school, I pour it into another cup so I can take it in the car. On this particular day I chose to pour my coffee into a red solo cup. I drove my daughter to school, parked my car, grabbed my coffee and walked my daughter inside. I smiled and waved at teachers, friends and students while holding and sipping my coffee filled red solo cup. I met up with a friend in the parking lot and she quickly quipped, â€œHowâ€™s that early morning beer?â€ She laughed and I looked at my cup in amazement. It never dawned on me that people might assume my red solo cup was filled with beer.

As I drove home I went back to the coffee cup metaphor from my class years before. If our cup represents our body, what we put inside our cup represents who we truly are: our insecurities and struggles, our beliefs and values, what we love and what we can do without. But just like my red solo cup, we often make assumptions about other people based on what we see or what we hear. We very rarely take the time to find out if our assumptions are true. And almost instantly I began wondering how my coffee cup metaphor was affecting my role as mom. Was I looking inside my childrenâ€™s cups or was I assuming I knew what was inside?

And then it dawned on me; the best way to look inside our childrenâ€™s cup was to go grab a metaphorical cup of coffee. No, I am not advocating for young coffee drinkers, but I am advocating for what having a cup of coffee with someone represents: time and connection. It is the only way we can know what is truly inside our childrenâ€™s cup.

Whether it is through play, at dinner, on a walk around the neighborhood or during tuck-in, schedule time each day for one-on-one technology free time to connect with your child. Listen to them, observe them, validate them; ultimately connect with them.

I think it is fair to say that our children and our world need less assuming and more connecting. By connecting more we will assume less. Grab yourself a cup, fill it with what you love and go connect. Who knew that a cup of coffee could teach so many life lessons!

Do you ever feel like Superwoman, flying around town trying to look perfect?Â The problem is that in real life we are not Super Heroes, we are humans who make mistakes everyday.

A friend of mine came to me worried about her daughter.Â After receiving a B on her report card, her daughter was devastated.Â She aimed for perfection in everything that she did, but when she made a mistake she felt horrible about it.Â She would beat herself up saying how stupid she was.Â This mom was heart broken.Â Why was her daughter so hard on herself?

The mom took her daughter to therapy and in the very first session the daughter was asked to draw a picture of her family.Â In the drawing the dad and siblings were dressed in normal clothes, but the mom was dressed like Superwoman.Â When the therapist asked why she had drawn her mom like a Super Hero the daughter replied, â€œMy mom is Supermom.Â She does everything right.â€Â The mom was blown away.Â Her response to the therapist was, â€œThat is not true, I make tons of mistakes.â€ Â The therapist asked the daughter, â€œWhat does your mom do when she makes a mistake?â€Â The daughter responded, â€œShe gets very angry with herself.â€

If you are a Supermom trying to do everything for everyone and do it to perfection, remember that you have little eyes watching your every move.Â Make mistakes, tell your kids about them and sometimes make light of them.Â Take off your cape and laugh at your mistakesâ€”your kids will not be so hard on themselves in the future.

A few years ago an article was published in the Wall Street Journal titled, â€œWhy Chinese Mothers are Superior.â€ The author Amy Chua compared mothers in the west to mothers in the east. Whether you agreed with it or not, it brought about a nation wide debate. What I found fascinating was her comment on self-esteem. I am paraphrasing, but Chua in so many words said mothers in the west try to teach self-esteem while mothers in the east expect self-esteem.

Some parents worry that the teachers are being too hard on their child. They call and write coaches with concerns when their child isnâ€™t playing enough. Some parents believe that everyone should win and take home a ribbon. I nearly croaked a few years back when an article in the paper was talking about how teachers were going to use purple pens to grade their studentâ€™s papers because red seemed too harsh on a childâ€™s self-esteem. What is going to happen when the real world hits and no one is there to pick up the pieces? We are going to see a generation of young adults not knowing how to cope with failure.

Believe in the resiliency of your children and let them fail. Does this mean you leave them high and dry during these hard times? No. You support them, you listen to them, you love them, but ultimately you give them the power to solve their own problems. Failure is a part of life and if handled correctly one of the greatest gifts we can be given.

While there are many things in life that we canâ€™t control, one thing we can control is our choice. You canâ€™t control what someone does or says to you, but you can choose how you will react to it. This is such an important tool to teach children.

If I had a quarter for every time one of my children changed their mood or behavior based on a sibling interaction I would be rich: â€œHe made me so angry I had to push him.â€ â€œMy whole day is ruined because she is coming to the mall!â€ â€œHe made me cut her hair, but I didnâ€™t want to do it.â€ He did this; she did that; and what did you choose to do?

Remind your kids that they are the only ones who can choose how they will react to someone. They might become upset, angry or frustrated, but they ultimately get to decide how they will let it affect them in the long run. Are you going to let someone else pick how you feel? You decide. Rememberâ€”itâ€™s your choice.

Judgment is that little pill I pop to help me feel better about myself. A few years back I took my then 8-year-old daughter to her soccer practice. I was setting up my soccer-mom chair and she was sitting next to me putting on her soccer shoes. And then it happened. I turned to see a dad screaming in his daughterâ€™s face. â€œYou are driving me CRAZY! You are not listening to anything I say! I donâ€™t know why I do anything for you! You are IMPOSSIBLE! Get your stuff. We are not staying for practice!â€ There was not one person on the team or at the park for that matter who had not heard the eruption and who did not see what followed, a sobbing little girl and a dad the color of a tomato breathing like he had just run a marathon. And then in the next moment, everyone looked away like it had not happened. My daughter turned to me and said, â€œMom, will you kick the soccer ball with me?â€ I said yes, I walked with her a few steps and we began kicking the ball.

As I kicked the ball my thoughts went something like this, â€œWow! I canâ€™t believe he just did that! What is the matter with him? That poor little girl! What a bummer to have a dad like thatâ€ I had just popped my judgment pill. In that moment I felt good about myself because I was not a â€œbadâ€ parent like him. But as quickly as the pill went down it came right back up. If I was going to be really honest, I was him. I had yelled at my children in frustration, so why was I judging him? I was judging him because in that one moment, I wasnâ€™t the yelling parent. In that one moment, everything was okay in my parenting world. In that one moment I felt good about myself. And that is why we judge.

I am not perfect, nor should I be. I am trying my best and so is everyone else. When I judge I am only seeing part of their story; I am only seeing one chapter, one sentence, one word, when in reality there is a lifetime of many stories that I donâ€™t see. When I judge a parent I donâ€™t know that she woke up to a crying child who was scared to go to school because of bullying. I donâ€™t know that he is working three jobs to pay the bills. I donâ€™t know that she struggles everyday to look in the mirror because she feels ugly and overweight. I donâ€™t know that she is emotionally drained from a marriage that is barely surviving, I donâ€™t know that he is suffering from depression and is doing everything in his power to make it through the day and I donâ€™t know that she simply has had an incredibly stressful day. And then in a fragile moment, this parent yells at their child in front of everyone and becomes the target of judgment. The ironic part is I am judging these parents not because of their stories, but because of mine. If I feel like a bad parent, if I feel ugly or stupid, if my child is struggling, if I feel insecure for any reason, it is much easier to judge somebody elseâ€™s mishaps than my own. It is a psychological high at the expense of another and while it might feel good in the moment, it doesnâ€™t feel good for long.

I began to realize that it goes both ways. If instead of judging the man at the park I had given him the look of, â€œHang in there. This parenting thing can be really challenging at times! I know because I have been where you are.â€ I would have given myself permission to be empathetic when I was making a poor choice, when I was feeling ugly or stupid or when I was insecure for any reason. And so I began to walk down the road of awareness.

I watched my reactions when I saw others parent and I watched my reactions when I parented and slowly I traded in my prescription of judgment for empathy. Now donâ€™t get me wrong, I might completely disagree with what I am seeing, I might be frustrated and angry, but I can still be empathetic. I can put myself in their shoes because while my moments might look different and my stories are not the same, I have experienced the glare of a bad choice, the whispers of judgment and that feeling inside when I am not having a good day. If I can be more accepting of others, I can be more accepting of myself and if I am more accepting of myself, I can be more accepting of others. And this psychological high feels good for a very long time.

My mom has always said, â€œThis too shall pass.â€ When I was young, it was her way of helping me find the sunshine after the storm. Whether I was devastated from not making a team or broken hearted from a break-up, she would give me a hug and say, â€œThis too shall pass.â€ And she was right, it did.

After the birth of my first child I was in the throws of my weepy, â€œI have no idea what just happened to meâ€ phase and she would give me a hug and say, â€œThis too shall pass.â€ And she was right, it did.

When I blinked and had three children under the age of six I found myself juggling temper tantrums, feedings, and dirty diapers. As you can imagine my mom gave me a hug and would say, â€œThis too shall pass.â€ And she was right, it did.

But one day she said it just a little bit differently or maybe I heard it differently. She said it from a place of wisdom. She said it because, it wasnâ€™t just the crazy, out of control, insane times that were passing me by, it was the joyful times as well and she knew it.

While time was taking away the temper tantrums in our home, time was also taking away the moments just after the tantrum when my little guy hugged me tight and said he was sorry as I wiped away his tears and told him how much I loved him. While time was taking away the middle of the night feedings, time was also taking away the moments when I would stare down at my little girl as she gripped my pointer finger with her tiny hand drifting in and out of sleep. And while time was taking away buying packs and packs of diapers, time was also taking away the joy of making my baby laugh as I played peek-a-boo or blew kisses on her belly just after a diaper change. I was missing the important moments in life by only focussing on the crazy, out of control and insane ones.

But my mom was not. She was savoring the wonderful moments and simply accepting the not-so-wonderful ones. At almost 75-years-old, she takes trips to local museums, churches and restaurants, travels the world with family and friends, takes her grandchildren on special days, volunteers in schools, remembers everyoneâ€™s birthdays (always), posts darling messages to all her great nieces and nephews on Facebook, cooks chicken soup or makes homemade beans when someone is sick, drops everything to help when I am in a crunch and makes everyone she talks to feel like they are her absolute favorite.

So while parenting can still be crazy, out of control and insane, I am now trying to be more like my mom. I am appreciating my messy house because time will pass and one day it wonâ€™t be messy. I am enjoying cooking for a house full of teenage friends because time will pass and one day I will be cooking for two. I am turning off my phone, sitting on the couch and talking with my kids because time will pass and one day my couch will be empty. In a blink of an eye it will be over. I can choose to check-out and fly through the day or check-in and appreciate the joyful moments hidden behind the chaos.

I canâ€™t control time, but I can control how I choose to spend it. I will be forever grateful to my mom who taught this to me in four simple words, â€œThis too shall pass.â€ And in the way she chooses to live her life everyday. Thanks mom. I love you.