Thursday, October 6, 2011

Gandalf, this one's for you!

A few nights ago, I was up late finishing an article and decided to treat myself with some online television viewing. While I should have launched right into the newest season of Parks and Recreation, I instead decided to check out The New Girl, that seemingly abhorrently awful new Fox sitcom staring Zooey Deschanel. Really, I wanted to see how insulted I could feel. As it turned out, my expectations were fulfilled and it was just as I imagined it would be—sexist, not even vaguely funny, and shaped by television producers' assumptions surrounding the posh/hipness of 20 somethings (more loft apartments, PLEASE!) and the never ending belief that if a girl wears glasses, no one is going to bone her, because, please, that is sooooo dorky.

My biggest beef with The New Girl?

That one of their tactics to drive home just how lame this girl was to have her reference Lord of the Rings. Clearly this was too much for her kind-hearted male roommates who reacted to this action as though she had told them they could contact syphilis just by touching her. Now that I've got that rant off my chest, let's delve into the real matter at hand, shall we?

In response to this blatantly sexist and totally lame assertion by Hollywood that haute chicks can't be down with the LOTR, I present you with my most recent GBC finds, as influenced by all that is "dorky" and "lame" in Hollywood land.

First, totally dorky accessories.

Contrary to popular belief, sunglasses are for dorks. Their cousins, after all, are just normal glasses, made so people can see, which is totally gross. Sunglasses are lame because it means that you are trying to protect your eyes, and someone who is interested in taking care of themselves clearly doesn't know had to party.

So, naturally, I picked up these four pairs. I am especially in love with the second from the top pair.

Big, cartoony buttons are dorky to the max. I don't even need to pretend they are dorky, because that is how dorky they are. These all came in one of those grab bags, along with an uncomfortable one about Jesus. My favorite is clearly the dorkiest of them all, the one that says "Left Handed Genius." I am going to wear it all the time, because its true. I also am going to sport the "Happy Winter" one when I feel like being deeply in denial.

A beautiful metal woven bangle is lame because it reminds people of the Renaissance festival and faerie themed jewelry.

Not exactly "accessories," but still lame, because what kind of cool people drink things like coffee and tea? I made the executive decision to stock up on these mostly 25¢ mugs because Chris is forever taking mugs out of the house and losing them. I picked Gandalf-inspired mugs, a Cathy mug (it says "Woman on the move!") and one that says "I'm Proud to Be a Farm Wife," because those were the dorkiest ones I could find.

Now for the clothing!

This vintage carpety fabric vest is something only a true lover of LOTR would wear. Unless they found a knock-off at Forever 21, which would then make it "cool."

Button-downs?! Come on, SO LAME!

For real though, I've been looking for a chambray and black silk button-down forever, so finding these was like Christmas.

Then we have these 90's dresses that the "dorky" girl would wear once she got rid of her glasses and suddenly became hot.

This navy with little sunflower trim number is extra sweet with its keyhole back.

Polka dots?! Scalloped heart neckline?! Little bow on the back that I will have to slightly fix because one side is detached but it's okay because the whole thing was a dollar?! SO LAME!

Then we have this totally Grandma eyelet blouse. Fewer things are more dorky than Grandmas and eyelets.

Finally, this vintage red dress that no matter what way I spun it, couldn't come up with a way to make it dorky. It's impossible to put this on and not imagine myself on the streets of Paris, probably being photographed from some super tres chic street fashion blogger.

I guess the lesson to be learned is that in even the dorkiest of girls, there is a cool one underneath.