In the vast and Cosmo-flavored world of sex tips, there’s an overabundance of technical advice in circulation.

Touch her g-spot like so. Try the corkscrew blowjob. Put a pillow under your ass.

That kind of stuff.

Yet, there’s next to nothing out there that offers advice on how to build the intimacy that makes those techniques actually work. After all, you can only trace the alphabet on someone’s prostate so well without the viable emotional connection that makes it really fucking good … regardless of how fleeting that connection may be.

That’s a problem that Mare Simone solves every day in her practice. Simone is a certified tantric educator, sex surrogate and author who helps men and women learn to clear emotional and physical sexual blocks and view sex as an empowering, helpful tool. Part of that work includes instructing couples and individuals on how to build and maintain intimacy during sex, partially because the ability to create intimacy leads to greater confidence, and partially because more powerful orgasms happen from what she describes as a more “open, vulnerable state.”

Never ones to shy away from anything that makes us come more professionally, we asked her for some tips on how to create the intimate connection that primes us for a better bang.

Become a pro at eye contact

“I love to start couples facing each other, sitting up,” Simone says. “I have them talk about what they love about each other, what they’d love more of, and what they’d love to experience with each other (like a fantasy or a desire) … all while looking into each other’s eyes and breathing those words in. When you maintain eye contact while talking about sexual desires, it really builds intimacy before the touch, which makes the actual touch more powerful when it does happen. Sometimes when you verbalize what you love or need, it can feel vulnerable or naked. But, it allows you to become open and let love, pleasure and acknowledgement in. That makes for really great sex.”

She also recommends incorporating eye contact into actual sex as well.

“Anytime you touch, touch with eye contact. Make love with your eyes open. It’s so rich … it feels like you’re diving deep into this pool and not shutting your eyes because you’re afraid of what’s at the bottom,” she adds.

But, it’s not like you have to keep your peepers wrenched open A Clockwork Orange-style; she fully acknowledges that there are times when it feels right to close them and sink into pleasure. In general though, she explains that the more eyes-open you are, the more connected you can be and the more powerful orgasms you can have.

“There’s a penetration of sorts that happens with eye contact,” she says. “And it can be really intense when you’re also having sex — it’s like you’re being penetrated from both sides.”

Experiment with face and hand caressing

“This, to me is one of the most beautiful things,” Simone says. “I love hand holding, hand touching, those sort of things. And sometimes when someone touches my face, it just feels so warm and giggly and sweet, like it activates some part of my inner child. That in itself is opening.”

One of the best positions she recommends for hand stuff is to have one partner place their hand downwards, and the other placing theirs upwards on top so they can feel the polar opposite of the other person. Then, from there, Simone suggests you play around with movement in your hands and fingers by stroking each other’s palms, wrists and fingertips. Even though doing this is nonverbal, Simone says it can help couples explore a lot of communication and sensation with each other; something that also works to build sexual tension and make each person feel more connected.

Long, caressing strokes to build tension

Simone is a big advocate of the long, slow, delicate stroke.

“Have one person put their hands up and receive their partner’s touch, while the other caresses their body. Start slowly at their face and, then make your way down the sides of their arms to their chest, finally finishing at their fingertips. Then, with permission, caress their breasts (if they have them), coming down across their stomach to their inner thighs.

Making these long, caressing strokes connects the body to the mind, which makes it much more emotional-feeling,” she says. “That’s where you become really open and the sex becomes really good. When you do this, you become vulnerable, so there’s no real game playing or social scripting of traditionally “sexy” roles. It’s just what you mean and what you feel.”

Do a little dance

On the more erotic end of the spectrum, Simone recommends you build tension and intimacy by dancing for your partner. It can be a sitting dance, or one standing up; a stripping thing or a more conservative one — whatever feels comfortable and gives your partner a display of your body. Of course, maintaining eye contact during the deed can make it that much more powerful.

If you crack up, you crack up. Try not to — we double dog dare you. Even if it’s the more masculine doing the dancing, Simone says the humor of it can cut through to the more relaxed, vulnerable place that makes the body more open for intimacy.

Moan together, in sync

“This can be immense if you can actually harmonize your orgasms,” Simone says. “But even if you can’t, sharing the same breath and sound intensifies things a lot. In tantra, energy moves on sound, so you double the energy when you sound together.”

That’s not to say that spontaneously moaning when your partner does will make you come or make the sex revolutionary … it’s more about doing it when it feels natural to. But, like all forms of breathing exercises, it does really place you in the moment. It’s hard to think about their sweaty, lumbering man boobs or the curious way your dad tries to tell you he loves you when you’re synchronizing your breath with someone while they squirt on your showiest throw pillows.

Are you ready to go beyond quickies and discover the world of #SlowGourmetSex?

We’ve all heard about slow food, and you may or may not have heard about other “slow movement” subcategories, like slow parenting, slow education, slow design, and even slow fashion. It’s not the newest trend, but as the idea of slow living becomes less hippie-dippy and fringe, it’s gaining more legitimacy and interest in mainstream culture. And for good reason.

Slow sex is, as you might guess, a subset of the slow movement that rethinks our instinct to get laid and get off. It’s an umbrella term that can include more specific sexual philosophies or practices, including Tantra and Orgasmic Meditation. In a time when efficiency and productivity are highly valued, the concept of intentionally hitting the brakes on anything—let alone sex, which is naturally sort of frenzied—feels counterintuitive. Slow sex is about reprogramming ourselves to savor the moment with our partners. But that doesn’t mean that you have to turn it in to a sappy, saccharine “lovemaking” scenario.

“Comparing slow sex to a quickie is like comparing fast food to a seven-course gourmet feast,” says California-based Advanced Certified Tantra EducatorMare Simone, a teacher at the Source School of Tantra. “Slowing down the sexual experience invites a more expansive awareness that engages all of the senses and erogenous zones that are often forgotten when we’re in a hurry to climax. Slower sex has fewer goals in mind and often leads to a wider range of pleasures.” That’s not to say there’s anything wrongwith short-lived sex. Quickies can relieve tension, stress, and help you sleep better, says Simone—just know that if all you ever have are quickies, you’re definitely missing out.

One big benefit to slowing sex down is that it can help bridge a natural sexual gap between the sexes, if you’re in a heterosexual relationship. (If you’re not, skip to the next paragraph, because there are still plenty of other benefits for you!) “Men are hardwired to procreate the species, so they instinctually climax quickly—often sooner than they or their partners would like,” says Simone. “Women, on the other hand, are naturally inclined to crave slower, more sensual, and foreplay-driven sex, including a wider range of pleasures and often multiple orgasms.”

Another thing that might motivate you to slow things down between the sheets: It’s much likelier to get women off. “According to statistics, 70 percent of women have difficulty achieving orgasm reliably through intercourse,” says Simone. “Women generally respond best to having all her erogenous zones stimulated before the primary ones.” In other words, having your lips, ears, nipples, and even your toes attended to before your clit.

“Slowing down to enjoy every nuance of erotic pleasure creates a richer, longer-lasting feeling of physical fulfillment that rejuvenates, nourishes, and heals the body, making us look and feel more vibrant for hours after the fact,” says Simone. “The uplifting benefits of slower sex can linger for days, improving your overall quality of life, from mental clarity to a glow that looks better than makeup.” Sold yet?
For slow sex beginners, Mare suggests taking turns exploring less-obvious erogenous zones, starting with the feet and hands, then the toes and fingers, then behind the knees and elbows. “Arousing these areas can increase the pleasure through anticipation, ultimately leading to the primary pleasures of the genitals,” she says. “Teasing is a great turn-on because the brain is the biggest erogenous zone and plays a major role in arousal.” For more beginner’s tips, check out Mare’s tantric sexercises or this surprisingly helpful Reddit feed.

Oh, and if you think you’re too busy to spend hours getting yourself or a partner off, you might want to think again. “Some people claim they don’t have enough time for long, luxurious lovemaking,” says Mare. “I believe that they just don’t know what they’re missing.

I had so much fun during this interview, I regret not recording it. Happy with the article Hannah wrote. Enter the #OMZone!

My first pop-culture encounter with tantric sex was—like so many other “edgy” sexual practices, from threesomes to fetishes—during a “SATC” episode. The women attend a tantric sex workshop in which a white-haired woman massages her elderly, blissed-out husband, who, after some buildup, ejaculates into the air and … onto Miranda. Educational? Sure. An accurate depiction of tantra? Not so much, according to my sources.

Tantra as a broader category refers to the ancient practices and customs of Hinduism. Tantric sex grew out of this larger religious umbrella as a form of ritualized sacred sex—one that may have inherited some of its tenets or inspiration from tantra, but which most proponents of Hinduism and Buddhism deny sharing much heritage with the religion. So everything you’ll learn here is in the context of tantric sex as it exists today, casually and unofficially—it has no affiliation with a religion, culture, or organization. It’s a practice that is shared and passed down, and followed with devotion by the people whose lives—and sex lives—it has changed for the better.
I spoke to California-based Advanced Certified Tantra Educator Mare Simone, ACTE a teacher at the Source School of Tantra, who gave me her own definition of tantric sex. “The first words that come to mind are a real, true coming together,” she says. “It’s when women learn to fully feel their body’s sexual needs and desires, allowing them to become much more orgasmic than they usually are. And men slow down and learn how to harness their sexual power so they can ride the orgasmic wave together, rather than coming quickly, which they’re hard-wired to do.” London-based tantric sex instructor Rebecca Lowrie is quick to point out that a tantric experience isn’t just sexual, either. “It’s really a spiritual path that embraces sexuality,” she says. “It’s a path of letting go of fear, shame, and conditioning so that you can be your full self. It provides a framework and set of resources for being utterly present and therefore intimate with life.”

When Mare described her idea of a successful tantric sexual experience, I was in awe. “I think a woman should have at least two, or even three orgasms before sexual penetration even begins.” Say what?! “When the roots of the clitoris are fully engorged after orgasm, penetration is so much more desirable for a woman and much more pleasurable for men. There’s more contact, the vagina is juicy, wet, and might even involve the female ejaculation that can send a man into seventh heaven.” OK, listening…

How all of this actually goes down is both mysterious and intriguing as hell. “I call it the orgasmic magic zone—the OM zone,” says Simone. “It can happen with partners, but also on your own. It’s an erotic sexual meditation, a zone you can feel even before touch begins when you’re in tune with your orgasm energy, through breathing and muscles that pump through your whole pelvic region and make it engorge.” It works for both men and women, she says. When you come this way, especially with a partner through penetration, the orgasm has a deeper, whole-body quality, and lasts much longer, she explains.

“It’s so much more emotionally, spiritually, and physically satisfying,” she says. “You can even go into a deep, meditative healing state. Sometimes old emotional traumas or wounds come up and are cleared through that orgasmic energy. That’s when tantric sex becomes what I would call magical and distinct from just pump and grind, get it off and go to sleep.” Oh, and men don’t necessarily have to ejaculate—but that doesn’t mean they don’t come.
“Really, men should have fewer climaxes and more orgasms,” says Simone, “because if he ejaculates on the first orgasm, there’s nothing left.” But if a man internally ejaculates—yep, that’s a thing, it’s called injaculating—without releasing semen, “he’s reinvesting in his own erotic bank account. That serves him sexually, making his orgasms much more powerful, and even gives him more energy, rather than making him feel depleted and want to roll over.” So really, if that old couple had been properly tantra-ing in “SATC,” the man wouldn’t have shot his load all over Miranda.

After picking Simone’s brain as much as I could, I asked her for a couple of tantric rituals that can be tried at home—alone, or with a partner—for the curious newbies among us.

Beginner’s Tantra for One: Self-Love Initiation
On a day when you want to honor yourself, start a Jacuzzi or bath to wash away the day. Make your bed as you would for a lover—laid out beautifully with candles, towels, or toys. This sets the stage for a special ritual. After the cleansing bubble bath, begin to caress your inner thighs and up and around your genitals, without trying to come. “Just feel what your sexual body center needs,” says Simone. “Invoke self-loving communication.”

Make a yoni mudra (“sacred position of power”) with your hands, letting your index fingers touch right at the tip of your clitoris, and the tips of your thumbs touching over your pubic bone. It should look like a heart shape. “Meditate in that place,” she says. “This position creates a tremendous amount of power, so feel the circuitry connect over your vagina with your hands in the mudra, pumping thoughts of love and appreciation into that area while breathing deeply.”

The next stage might be a massage, but not with the goal of orgasm. “This is like the antithesis of masturbation,” says Simone. “Give yourself loving pleasure with your hands, rather than a vibrator. The beautify is that later, when a woman wants to guide a partner to find those sacred places in her, she’ll know how to teach him or her what her body needs because she listened to it.”

Beginner’s Tantra for Two: Maximum Pleasure
Look into each other’s eyes. Breathe deeply. Take turns caressing each other’s hands one at a time, one finger at a time. Notice and talk about all the feelings in each hand. Then move on to the face. Touch, kiss, and learn about all of the feelings in different areas—the cheek, the forehead, the chin.

“There are so many parts of us represented in our hands and face—every organ and chakra,” says Simone. “For those who like feet, every toe can be an erogenous zone. It’s not about manually stimulating each other’s genitals; it’s about the tender places that need to be touched. These places are hidden some of the time, so they hold secrets and feelings, and can be so erotic when they’re touched the right way, with communication and a lot of attention.”

Pay attention to unlikely locations: The arches of feet, the soft spots between each finger and toe, the cracks of the elbows, the crease behind the knees. Use fingertips or whole hands or soft scratching of nails—use every nuance of touch to create maximum pleasure. Guide your partner to find the maximum amount of pleasure in every place that he or she goes, explaining what feels good and requesting the things you want them to try.
“The exercise is to say what feels good and ask for more of that until you get it right—even if it’s just saying, ‘It feels really good that you want to discover what feels good to me,’” says Simone. The goal of this ritual is to create a safe environment where you and your partner feel comfortable experiencing things you’ve never felt before and establishing vulnerability and intimacy. “When this happens, the depth of connection that can happen is really profound.”

Here’s a private page of an interview I did with Dr. Rusty founder of the Soulmate Mania Summit.

Not many have seen this video because it is not been released to the public. It’s only available privately. I think you may find it valuable whether or not you have found your soulmate as I speak more about discovering the inner god or goddess within you that awakens your passion.

I want to share this with you – my first readers. And if you find something of value in the interview or have questions/comments you’d like to share, please do so in the comments section. And I will respond to you personally!

If I can answer your question I’ll do it live on the webinar and give you a free ticket to the entire 5-week series – Whole Body O!

FREE GIFT : for those of you who comment on YouTube, I’d like to give you a special gift and get your input to create the most valuable gifts. I’d like you to be on my test market team and attend the first webinar for free in exchange for your feedback. I’m excited to share everything I know and ignite the world with pleasure on the World Wide Web!

We’ll talk about my favorite subjects the healing powers of orgasm, And tips on how to have a Whole Body O – something I think everyone ought to know! So write your questions down because we’ll A at the end.

If you’d like a private consultation, fill out a profile form and we’ll arrange for a free half-hour Ecstatic Discovery Session to help you as a couple or individual to tap into your source of peace, pleasure and personal empowerment.

Explore the depths of sex with me:

Why did you decide to be a sex therapist?
My career as a sexual healer was born from my natural desires for sex, conflicting with my personal trauma and need for sexual healing. In my teens I had a healthy sexual libido, until I was a victim of rape. Then I incurred unbearable emotional and sexual wounding which affected my love life terribly. It was next to impossible to climax with a lover — the memories haunted me insidiously. I was very guarded sexually and found it difficult to trust men, even those whom I cared for deeply.

I was drawn to erotic classics such as the Kama Sutra and other artistic portrayals of celebrated sexuality from ancient cultures. The first book that influenced me at the tender age of 18, was called The Yin Yang, Chinese Way of Love. I wanted to be like Madame Fairy Kuu, the sexual priestess and confidant of The Yellow Emperor. Later in life, I was drawn to the philosophy of tantra and sought guidance through as many books and teachers of the subject as I could find. In fact I met my first tantra teacher, a Sikh named Aftab, at a bookstore while I was perusing stacks of Tantric books. He approached me and offered his teachings on white tantra through Kundalini Yoga, a series of activating yoga practices that open the body.

We explored numerous subtle techniques of connecting without touching, to awaken the body’s sensitivity. He worked with me for about a year. Then he told me that my next tantra teacher should be a woman, as women could teach me things about my body that men could not.

Soon I met Jwala who became my mentor and personal friend. She was offering a workshop in the beautiful cliff region of Laguna, California. I eagerly offered to help promote her workshops, in exchange for being able to attend these workshops. Jwala accepted. She taught me a powerful technique called the Fire Breath Orgasm. This dynamic technique made my entire body buzz and tremble. I had many profound discoveries and awakenings during my time with Jwala. She also offered private sessions which sparked my interest in becoming a sexual healer too. But first I needed to heal myself. It took many years to unravel the deep rooted patterns of fear and disconnect that my body had developed from the traumas of rape. This was an arduous and incredible journey that has laid the tracks and empowered me for the work I now do.

How long have you been a sex therapist?
I have been in this field of work for 23 years. I prefer to call myself a Sex Educator which is an important part of the Surrogates’ role. I work with Therapists.

Why are you a sex therapist, what inspires you?
Originally what inspired my work was my own need for sexual healing and the frustration of not being able to find the support I needed. Unfortunately for me, it was a difficult search and there were very few people that I could really talk to, and even fewer that I could work with privately. I found that the deeper layers of my condition weren’t in my head, but rather lodged in the cellular memory of my body. It occurred to me that I needed a Sex Surrogate or someone, who could help me access the memories that were haunting me.

Being unsuccessful in finding a Sex Surrogate that could help me, I decided to become one and help myself. The more I’ve recovered from my own sexual trauma and emotional blocks, the more I wanted to help others who had similar challenges in their lives. Ultimately, I hope that my work with men could also help prevent unhappy marriages, and above all educate men. It is my objective to help men understand what they want and ask for it in a healthy way, I want to do what I can to help prevent women from being violated.

What is your philosophy, what is your motto?
I am committed to help heal our planet through every man, woman and couple I reach. As they clear within themselves the fear and shame of sex and awaken their body bliss, I provide a healthy understanding of conscious, enlightened sexual loving. I endeavor to help reawaken the innocence and put the sacred back in sexuality! Exulting sexual expression as sacred, rather than dirty and lewd, allows a greater understanding of our high purpose and personal power in this life. When we learn to master our sexual desires and channel this energy toward love and high intentions, orgasm becomes a blessing. And it empowers our lives and visions!

My mission is to assist all who wish to live a natural, healthy, orgasmic life; teaming with passion and pleasure. Increasing our libido, the vital creative life force, ensures us of good health and happiness. I pray that the overflow of this richness will bathe and bless the world around us.

I love to help people awaken to a great state of wholeness within their heart, body, mind and soul. My intention is to be a sensitive and caring guide, helping those who come to me to understand and deepen their capacity to love, through the sacred union of sex and spirit.

The more people that experience intimate love, unbridled passion, and limitless pleasure, the more we will all experience Heaven on Earth.

What is your background education?
Simultaneous to my tantra interest, I ran across an ad in a local newspaper for sex surrogate training. I immediately signed up for classes because I wanted to augment my tantra teachings with an understanding of the psychology of people who suffered sexual trauma and dysfunctions. And again it was another opportunity for me to gain a greater understanding of my personal psychological condition.

During my training, and internship with Dr. Michael Perry, MFCC, I was able to practice a lot of communication and intimacy exercises with the other students and subsequently utilize what I’ve learned in my practice with with my clients. This, in many cases, became as healing for me, as it was for them! So I was learning and healing, on the job, which can be an unstable road, for all concerned.

The course which consisted of 120 hours in training, plus 60 hours of internship, certified me as a Sex Surrogate and I began seeing clients by referral and guidance with Dr. Perry. My client base ranged from virgins, to men in their 70s with a wide gamut of sexual conditions. Learning together the process of awakening sensual touch and communication was very insightful. I learned and healed a lot along with my clients. But the voice inside my soul called me to move on. Continuing to search the path of ancient cultures with enlightened views on sexuality, Tantra called me back. On Jwala’s encouragement, I embarked upon a year-long tantra teacher training with her mentors, Sunyata Saraswati and Bodhi Avinasha. They taught me the ancient traditions of tantra as a science and practice that stems from lineage of Baba Ji, and Tantra Kriya yoga.

I found this practice to be very gratifying as it reawakened my innocence and opened my mind, heart and body immensely. Another mind blowing breakthrough was during the Tantric Tibetan Rebirthing Exercise where I was cradled and aroused by two men at the same time, one focusing on my heart while the other stimulated my sex. I breathed into an expanded state which tapped it to some deep imprints from my birth. Through the night my heart was laboring feelings of being unwanted. In the morning I had an awesome breakthrough! While communicating to the group at the workshop about what I was experiencing, I went to a catharsis. I was gently embraced by two women, one who represented my mother and the other was a grandmother figure. They both nurtured me and spoke to the core place of early wounding that had been unearthed within me. I felt tender and vulnerable but in a safe place to feel this way. Many layers of unworthiness arose and were resolved over the course of this training. Little did I know at the time, this was just the tip of the iceberg!

Diving deeper in the direction of tantra, with its vast wisdom and ancient knowledge, it integrated my sexuality with my heart and mind. I then enrolled in a course with Charles and Caroline Muir, founders of the Source School of Tantra, and authors of the book, Tantra, the Art of Conscious Loving. This work radically changed my life in one weekend, (and for many years to follow) as the massage techniques they developed and referred to as, “sacred spot massage” touched me in ways and in places that nothing else had. I discovered that while being touched in places where trauma was held, if I could stay present with my eyes open and breathe through the emotions that arose, my body would release the pain, the shame and the guards that caused me numbness; and reawaken to a state of exquisite sensitivity! I interned and assisted with them closely for the next sixteen years. My mentorship and association with Charles and Caroline totally transformed me!

What is your main focus in your therapy?
Occasionally I have the honor of working with a couple or a woman. But the majority of my clients tend to be men, most of them struggling with coming sooner than they would like to. And I often work with men who are not able to “perform” for a variety of reasons. Many men would prefer to talk to someone like myself about their problems than their own wives or partners. Most would prefer not to talk about their sexual problems at all! So they come to me when they’re very distressed, frustrated and at their wits end.
Many men don’t know how to satisfy their partners and want to learn from someone other than their partner. I suppose that’s partly due to the woman not feeling comfortable to talk about these matters. Perhaps they are too shy or embarrassed to discuss their sexual needs with their partners.

Is it a legal therapy?
It’s in a gray area in the US. If the surrogate works with and by the referral of a therapist, then it is for the most part considered legal in the States. I suppose if an upset or jealous partner reported a surrogate to the police, then there may be an investigation. But I conduct myself in a very professional way and always invite a client to bring his or her partner with them for sessions. I always take an in-depth profile on each person, before accepting them as a client, so that I understand their background and any psychological problems that they’re working with.

Is it true that you had sexual intercourse with your 1500 clients?
I don’t have intercourse with most of my clients, however it is considered part of the surrogate’s normal practice. But the fact is, I’m no longer a Sex Surrogate. A more accurate figure is maybe 1 out of 20. But even when there is intercourse, it’s usually a very slow and conscious process. Often the first time we have penetration it is very slow and minimal. And always with a condom.

Are all of your clients men?
No I work with women too, just not as commonly. I think it’s much more difficult for a woman to ask for help then it is for a man. The fees may have something to do with that. Women are not accustomed to paying for sexual services of any kind, even therapeutic.

Where are you from?
I was born in America; my ancestry is Lebanese.

Have you ever experienced an interesting situation that has surprised you?
Oh yes, I had several interesting situations and experiences in my line of work. One that stands out was during my training with Charles and Caroline Muir. It was an advanced tantric workshop. It culminated when a quadriplegic was wheeled into the room. “Charles wanted to give him a special gift, so he brought this man to our graduation party, and we took him out of his wheelchair and undressed him. We removed his catheter, and all of us were massaging him together. There were seven women in the advanced workshop. He told me that the only place he had feeling was the tip of his penis, so I touched the tip of his penis to the top of my clitoris and asked him if the could feel that.

What happened next was so moving that I still get choked up remembering it. When he said that he could [feel my clitoris], I felt this flood of energy come through me. It was like a tidal wave. I let myself flood him with my energy. Four out of seven of us ejaculated on him that day.

At the end of the experience, when we were all lying there in the after-glow, he said, “I feel like I’m about to move my toe.” And after a moment he moved his toe. The next day he started getting erections and even attracted a girlfriend into his life. I actually had the feeling that if we continued to do this on a regular basis he’d be able to walk again.

Have you ever fallen in love with a client? If so, what happened?
I fell in love with a client once. He originally found me on a personal section seeking a Tantric partner and when I didn’t respond to him as a potential suitor, he came to me as a client instead. It was several months later that I became aware that his original contact with me was not professional. By that time we were in love. However, as all things come to an end, he eventually moved on and met a woman who he is now happily married to. I smile in my heart when I think of him, knowing that I helped him to have a more satisfying love-life.

Have you ever had Turkish clients? What do you think about Turkish men or women?
I’ve never had a Turkish client, but I’ve worked with several men from the Middle East. I find they have a very unique dynamic when it comes to relating to women. I find men from the Middle East, and parts of the Far East as well as Africa, tend to be very dominating. In fact, I was raped by a Middle Eastern man. We met on the beach and began talking… he sang beautiful songs in Arabic while we walked. And as it was getting dark, less than an hour into our first meeting, he threw me down into the sand and started to forcibly have his way with me. While I was resisting, I was forced into submission. He then wanted to kidnap me and take me home with him to be his captive slave. Fortunately I screamed for help at the right time and got away. That changed what could have blossomed into an interesting romance into a terrible memory. I think date rape and rape among married couples is probably more common than we know. Many people don’t want to talk about it or admit it, but the fact is they have been degraded by their life mate. Even when married, if a woman is being forced to have sex against her will — regardless of the nature of the relationship; its rape. If it is violent, it leaves a scar.

That could be why so many women aren’t orgasmic. A worthwhile research to investigate: how many women are shut down and inorgasmic because they have been forced to have sex against their will? A woman is like a flower, she blossoms magnificently when given the time, love and attention she needs to open.

Have you had celebrity clients?
Yes, but I prefer not to mention names, I respect the privacy of all my clients and never divulge who they are due to the intimate nature of my work.

There is interesting research published recently in Turkey. The research shows that 1 out of 3 Turkish men are impotent and that there are many women in Turkey who have never experienced orgasm, what is your comment about the situation?
It’s very sad to think that so many men and women are sexually dysfunctional in that area. But I do know that there is hope for both conditions. It takes a concerted effort on both parts, but it’s definitely worth the time and effort to create a sexually rich love-life. [Further research ideas, mentioned above were prompted by this question]

Why are some women not orgasmic?I think it’s because they were forced open in ways that caused them to shut down rather than expand and relax and receive, like the river to the sea. If a woman is not relaxed and open to receive, she will never know how much pleasure there is to a receiving vagina. This is of course coming from my personal experience. What it took for me to open was monumental… a lot of tears, screaming, kicking and cathartic, primal releases to say and do what I couldn’t do before.

One of my boyfriends was called upon several times to stand in as representative rapist, Women then could beat him up to get the angst out of her system. It was very therapeutic for these women to be able to re-frame the story with him by acting out. He was a big guy so he could take it. In one of my therapeutic processes I was asked to act out the part of the rapist and switch roles. That was an interesting experience and of course another cathartic release. I think by bringing it to the surface like this it can be reviewed and re-framed in a way that has a different impact on the rest of our lives. While we can’t change the past, and what has already occurred, both victim and perpetrator’s alike CAN change the way they think and feel about the incident. That can be liberating.

As for why men have difficulty getting aroused, I think a large majority of them have performance anxiety. That can be very simple or complex, depending on their past experiences. But it’s always based on being in their mind, rather than in their body. They are worrying if they’ll be able to keep it up long enough, if they’ll get it right & win her over, being afraid that they’ll come sooner than they’d like to and not satisfy her, which invariably causes their fear to occur. Regardless, they are all distractions to what’s really happening in their bodies and their partner’s body, so rather than doing a lot of talk therapy to work through these issues in their head and then try to remember the solutions to apply them in real life, touch therapy gets right in there so they can experience being really present for the woman and what comes up for him at those times. Man’s ego gets in the way because he wants to look like he knows what to do so he doesn’t ask for directions; this is unfortunate for him and for his partner. And the more he asks the more he and his partner will discover. I often teach couples a game that helps them to explore one another’s erogenous zones and increase the power along with the duration of pleasure. It’s a lot of fun and gets them into their bodies exploring, playing and talking, discovering what they like. Of course the result of the game is wonderful because everyone’s a winner!

The goal of the game is to explore and find maximum pleasure in every erogenous zone throughout the body. So you start with the hands or feet and explore every body part in every way with caresses and kisses and licks, blowing, nibbling… you get the picture with the intention sensitizing the body to experience immense pleasure everywhere; before approaching the genitals. This will surely increase a person’s orgasmic ability because they will already be sensitized – yearning for more. Everyone woman loves to be teased. I think a conscious man does too, as it increases the playing field for all. And of course makes it last longer too. Some overly masculine men think it’s too sissy-like or gay to indulge in sensual pleasures. They really miss out. This is unfortunate for them, and their partners.

How would you describe a healthy sexual life, what are your recommendations?
I think a healthy sex life starts with communication, and being willing to work on issues.

The media portrays a certain type of sexuality through pornography. What are your views on that?
Pornography weakens the intimacy between the partners because it usually doesn’t portray lovers who are using sex as an expression of their love for one another. So you see bodies having sex but not really connecting at a soul level which is undeniably distinct and beautiful to witness.

Is there any relation with sex and power? The more powerful you are the more satisfying your sex life? Do you believe this is it true or not?Absolutely, it goes both ways actually! I also think that when a man or woman has a healthy, happy sex life, it increases their overall self-assurance in other areas of their life and therefore their monetary and other successes just naturally follow.

When a person is fulfilled emotionally and sexually, their confidence increases, along with their drive to be successful, and for the right reasons. They share the wealth, rather than to trying to make themselves appear more important, keeping up a good front so people really never know the real person inside. Through understanding and aligning with the source of pure pleasure, our life forces may nourish, strengthen and empower every aspect of our existence; because everything is connected.

How would you classify your clients, middle class, upper middle class, or working class? Which classes have which problems?
I would guess that most of my clients are middle to upper class. That’s probably just because my rates are a bit high for the average person. So I offer phone sessions at half the price of an in-personal session. I also give webinars so people can work with me in the comfort and privacy of their own home. I just began doing this to fulfill the enormous need. I’ve had requests from people in just about every country in the world.

Originally published in AOL HealthMare Simone is in a decidedly unconventional — and sometimes controversial — line of work. Simone, 54, is a tantra sex educator (someone who helps people prolong and relish their lovemaking) and sex surrogate. For the last two decades, Simone has had intimate physical contact with clients who pay her between $100 and $200 a session, to help them restore their sexual vibrancy, overcome dysfunction or learn how to be better givers and receivers of pleasure. (more…)