Date: Sun, 21 Aug 2011 22:22:25 -0700 (PDT)
From: John Meyers
Subject: The Tragedy of Daniel and Jake Flashback
The Tragedy of Daniel and Jake
The Moments of Realization
By John Meyers
Disclaimer: Okay, first off, this is a sort of, flashback chapter like I
mentioned in the last chapter. I thought it would be nice to get some kind
of a backstory here on all the major gay characters so far, I.E. The
Moments of Realization. The moments they all realized they were gay, as
well as some back information. I thought it'd help us understand the
characters a little better. Okay, actual disclaimer time. If this story is
illegal where you are, maybe you should consider moving, but I wouldn't
recommend reading it. I don't own anything copyrighted that I may have
mentioned. All of these characters and their situations, scenarios, and
plotlines are the products of my own imagination, which is pretty far out
there obviously. And, here we are again. If you are under the legal age in
whatever country, state, province, territory, whatever, you happen to be
in, I'd recommend you remember to clear the history on your browser so that
your parents don't find out what you're doing, and I'd also recommend that
you use inPrivate browsing next time. If you have Internet explorer, it's
under the Safety tab on your screen, if your using safari you can pretty
much do the same thing, I'm not sure about firefox. Oh, and I'm not
condoning you reading this. There, now I can't go to jail. Anywho, read
on.....
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Danny's Moment of Realization
I suppose you could say that I was one of those that always knew. I
remember in the third grade, I would have daydreams. Not normal, "every kid
has them" kinds of daydreams either.
In the third grade, I could spend an hour fantasizing about
characters from my favorite cartoons. I had no idea why, but scenarios kept
coming up. Nothing too explicit of course, I 'was' a third grader after
all, but it would be all the male characters, shirtless. Maybe they were
doing something or another, but it was always irrelevant. The important
part was their muscles, their skin tone, their slim, lithe bodies. I was
too young to know to call it a hard on at the time, but that was,
essentially, what I would get by thinking about these things. No idea why,
I just did, and of course, with the feelings being so good, and them
popping up whenever I thought about these kinds of things, I guess you
could say that I was conditioned a little to think about them, I don't
blame that for me being gay, I assume now, that I'm gay, because I couldn't
be otherwise. I am what I am, and I can't change that, and you know what? I
really wouldn't want to. Anyway, back to the story.
So there I was, wasting away countless hours in classrooms and at
home thinking about these cartoon guys without their shirts. My inquisitive
mind at that young didn't make the leap from cartoon to real, at least not
to later. I had a series of private... I guess you could call them,
"exploratory", events that led to trying more and more things. I still feel
like a great many are very private and personal, but I will share one with
you. I remember this one time, when I was little, I'd begun stretching my
legs by walking my feet across the bottom of the top bunk on my bunk
bed. I'd had a futon/bunkbed when I was younger. I remember laying on my
back, and slowly walking my feet up the bottom of the bunk, feeling my back
stretch slowly. I remember at one point, I lost my balance, and my feet
fell behind my head, putting my groin, right in front of my face. This got
me "excited" but I didn't know why. It was later that night, when everyone
else was asleep, that I decided to go a little further, and I tried it
without any clothes on. Now, being so little, I didn't get anywhere, I just
wasn't big enough, and I wasn't exactly the most flexible little kid in the
world anyway. As much as it pains me to tell you, I used to be a little
chubby and I'm very emberassed about it to this day. I hate all of the
pictures of me when I was younger because I looked fat. I think it's what
gave birth to my mildly narcissistic personality problem. Anyway, after
that first time, I don't know why, but I never tried it again.
Now, other than that, nothing additional happened in fourth
grade. However, when I got to fifth grade, I discovered porn. What's odd, I
didn't even start out with straight porn and become curious about the
penises, I knew exactly what I wanted to see right from the get go. To this
day I'm not sure how I got to the websites, or got the idea. I don't know
if I googled them, I simply don't remember. But, one way or another, I
wound up at a gay porn site whose name has since faded from memory. I
remember it being as the first time I ever looked at porn, though the
knowledge to masturbate would not come until I was in the latter half of
seventh grade year. I was so naive. I remember sitting in front of the
computer for hours looking at the pictures and videos. My penis would be
rock hard during the entire time, but at this time, I didn't know anything
about masturbation. I'd seen it a few times in some of the videos, but I'd
never actually had the common sense to use what I saw and copy it. I still
to this day don't have a lot of common sense.
I remember another very embarrasing event when I was in the fifth
grade. It wasn't when I realized I was gay, but I think it was when I
realized I was different... And I didn't react very well to it. Anyway, I
was sitting in my fifth grade classroom, reading, when I couldn't help but
overhear a conversation going on behind me. I don't remember the
conversation, all I remember is hearing the word, "penis" and immediately
my head snapped up. I don't know why I did that, still don't, but it wasn't
too long after that, hearing the boys talking behind me, making fun of me
for jumping when I heard that word, that I began realizing I wasn't like
other boys, and I began hating myself for it, and then being okay with
it. Most of the time, I'd just be confused. This love/hate/confusion
pattern would continue until I was in the ninth grade. For four years I
remember looking at gay porn, being turned on, eventually learning to
masturbate, but even before then I would get turned on, and then after I
was done, I'd hate myself for doing that. I'd challenge myself to not think
about anything like that, usually making a few days, before the thought
would cross my mind, and I'd go back to being pissed with myself. The next
encounter I had was in the sixth grade.
It was just another day, and I was sitting directly behind and
diagonally to, another boy in my class. Well, it just so happened, that
when I glanced up, this kid had a hard on. He wasn't even trying to hide
it. He was tensing up his pelvic muscle and making it move. Mind you, this
kid was wearing athletic shorts, so there was no movement restriction
whatsoever. You could clearly see it, I'm surprised the teacher didn't
catch him. But it wasn't just me that was looking, there was another kid, I
don't remember his name or even his face, but the kid who was doing this,
got his attention to show him. When he noticed me looking, he was
smiling. I've got no idea why, maybe he liked the attention, but I don't
know. That was the only thing of import that happened that year. Now on to
seventh, when I finally learned to masturbate.
So it's seventh grade, at this point I've become very involved in
FCA, or, the Fellowship of Christian Athletes. I've been very active in
church and went to a few camps, so of course it's inevitable that I find
myself hating myself, but above all hating gays. I remember the amount of
anger I had at them, at myself, for being abominations. In my 7th grader
mind I'd come up with a suggestion, which I frequently talked about with
some of my "friends". It was to gather up every gay guy on the planet, and
put them on Madagascar or somewhere, and leave them there to be seperated
from the rest of the "normal" people. It didn't even occur to me that I'd
be hauled off too. And again, in the mind of a seventh grader, when my
friends asked me about lesbians, I of course said, "Oh no, lesbians are
fine." Because I was obviously an idiot child. I still feel guilty over
those thoughts to this day. But onward again.
It was March 28 of my seventh grade year. And my "friend", whom I'd
honestly begun hating at this point, was talking about something or
another. I think he was talking about a fire or something. Anyway, he
mentioned "white water" and made the jacking off motion that, at this point
in my life, I'd never done myself before. I remember going home that night,
and masturbating in the shower for the first time. It's ironic that one of
the people I most hated gave me the information to do one of the best
things a boy can do on his own. I never experimented with other guys, as
some of you may have hoped. I never participated in a circle jerk, or any
other kind of thing, my first sexual act with another person had yet to
happen. So it was in finding out this information that set me up for a
continuing four years of solid, regulatory masturbation.
It happened at the start of 8th grade. I remember having friends
over, I remember this one time when I watched my best friend, Mark,
sleep. And another when I watched porn with him and while he was ogling
over the women on the computer screen, I kept stealing sidelong glances at
the tv because a 'Guys Gone Wild' commercial came on, and I was
fascinated. It wasn't too much longer that I began to masturbate about
Mark. That wasn't what tipped me off. What finally tipped the scale and set
off the alarm bells in my mind, was when I started pretending he was
sleeping next to me in my bed. I would position a pillow so it almost felt
like another person, Mark, was lying next to me. I remember falling asleep
with my arm slung over the pillow, like I was snuggling to Mark. And
finally, after more than five years of experiences and evidence and denying
and hating myself, though I was to learn that part was still far from over,
it was as I was lying there one night, just about to fall asleep, when I
fully realized that I was gay...
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Mark's Moment of Realization
I'm not one hundred percent sure how it all happened to be
honest. I guess it was slow, developing over time, just waiting, waiting
for me to get my life together before striking. I suppose I am just a
little bitter about the whole thing, after all, I never wanted this. What
had I done to deserve this? I like to think that I didn't have any warning
to it, but even as much as I think it developed over time, at the same time
I feel like it just all came at me at once. You could compare it to looking
for peices of a puzzle on the floor, and putting them back on the table,
but instead of the puzzle coming together as you found them, they moved
around randomly and they just made the picture look more confusing and then
suddenly they all rushed together at once.
The first time I'd even heard the word 'gay' was at one of my
friends houses. It was in the sixth grade and he had another friend over
and somehow or another we'd gotten on to the topic of sex. It was us three,
and we were sitting there looking at porn when his brother walked in on
us. At first I was horrified, I kept freaking out over what my mom and dad
would think. Then his brother just shook his head and said, "Y'all should
just jack off and get it over with already." Then he walked back out the
door, still shaking his head. I turned to my friend and asked what jacking
off was, and both of them looked at me like I was crazy. "You've never
heard of jacking off?" My friend asked. I said no and he kinda smiled. I
asked him what it was. "You know when your penis gets hard?" I
nodded. "Well, you can sort of rub it to get it to go down." His friend
butted in. "Only it feels really good, like the best thing on earth." My
friend nodded his head enthusiastically.
Well, I suppose the rest is a sort of history. We all know what
happened next. I asked them if they could show me and my friend was fine
with it, but his friend wasn't. "That'd be gay." He said, kind of looking
at both of us weirdly. "No it wouldn't, not if we're just showing him how
to do it. Come on, we're just helping out a friend." He begrudgingly agreed
and so both of them dropped their pants and continued to look at porn. In
all honesty I felt myself get rock hard at the sight of their penises,
though I didn't know why. Yeah, history as I said, they taught me how to
masturbate. I kept sneaking peaks at their penises, especially when they
started cumming. Anyway, after that my friend and I, his friend was never
there, began doing it almost everytime I was over. We eventually masurbated
eachother, though we didn't do more than that. He got a girlfriend and said
we needed to stop, else people would think we were fags. I asked him, and
he said that fags were gay guys, and that it was the worst thing on the
planet. He moved away not too long ago.
That pretty much wrapped up my education on gay guys, I didn't have
internet so I couldn't google it and I knew for a fact that my dad would
yell and accuse me if I asked anything. I started going out with Miranda in
the 8th grade, though I'd had a fairly long strain of moderately successful
relationships up to that point. It wasn't long before I noticed Danny's
conspicuous absence of a girlfriend, or anything like a girlfriend. I asked
him about it once, he said he had his eyes on this girl in our grade, when
I asked him why he didn't just go after someone else, he'd said that his
parents raised him to always look for more than just the obvious in a
girlfriend. And I believed him. When I asked him about her, he said he was
just biding his time because she had a boyfriend. More than 2 years later,
he came out to me. But I'm jumping ahead of myself.
In the late 7th, 8th, and 9th grades, I'd either been with Miranda,
or hanging out with people who Danny thought were a bad influence. I talked
with them. We bashed fags all the time. Occasionally my hanging out with
them, and my hanging out with Danny overlapsed. I always noticed how Danny
was quiet and stoic around them. He was almost always looking off into
space, and looked mad very often around them. I learned not to mix the
two. Danny thought my friends were a bad influence on me, just like they
didn't like Danny cuz he was so quiet, and smart. Danny was, without a
doubt, the smartest kid in our class. He got all A's in everything, and was
full of little talents, skills, quirks, and useless information. Like when
he danced around in rollerskates at his eighth grade birthday party, or the
murale that he painted, it was a landscape of the lake. These were both
just two of his numerous talents. It was what made him Danny. That, his
semi-sarcastic sense of humor, and his seeming lack of ability to get or
stay angry with the exception of a few times.
One day I asked him why he didn't like my other friends. He said
that they were a bunch of redneck, racist skinheads and that, "I know
that's mean to say, and I know they're your friends, but it's true. You
know it's true." How could I know it's true, when I talked and agreed right
along with them? I asked him why he thought that, and he said, "Because
I've seen the way they act, I've heard the way they speak, and I can't be
around people like that." We stopped hanging out a lot after that. It was
both our faults. We hung out occasionally, but I learned to keep away from
talking about anything to do with my other friends, which admittedly was
fine with me. I'd stopped talking to a lot of people and Miranda asked me
once.
"Why aren't you hanging out with Danny anymore? I always liked him,
he's really nice."
"Danny and I are... not talking at the moment." It was the best I
could do. I'd started having feelings. I couldn't explain them, and they
scared me.
"Why aren't you talking?"
"Because he doesn't seem to like my other friends. It doesn't
matter."
"It always matters." I never really understood what that meant, but
I tried to repair my relationship with Danny.
In the early months it was his fault. He didn't want as much to do
with me, with the way I was thinking. But in the later months, it was my
fault. I noticed how tense he was when talking about religion and one day I
asked why. He said that it wasn't religion, so to speak, it was doctrine,
and history. When I inquired further... I don't think I've ever seen him
that angry. Not over anything. Sweet, quiet Danny, who mediated everything,
hearing both sides, and even then keeping his opinions out of it, lending
out advice. This person who never got angry, or upset, shattered that
facade the instant I asked him about it. He said he was angry in history
class, when hearing about it, because of the evil things done in the name
of religion. Again, I got stupid and asked what he meant.
"I mean, that entire cultures, hordes of men, women, and children,
hundreds of thousands of them, hell, millions of them, have been
slaughtered in the name of Christianity." His eyes were alight with
fire. "The Crusades, The Inquisition, The Witch Hunts, The Conquistadors,
The Holocaust, they're all evil examples of how terrible we can be to
eachother. All are terrible blots in human history." I asked why it
mattered so much to him. "Because of the premise. Perhaps hate would be
more easily forgiven, if it were just hate, but this wasn't!" He was
yelling. "This was a kind of holier-than-thou attitude that allowed these
abominations of self righteous people, to march into the homes of innocent
people, and tear down their way of life, all for this insane idea that
Christianity is the only right religion!" That was the key, the tipping
point.
"But Christianity is the only right religion." Bad move. Terrible
move. His eyes, firey and filled with rage, locked on me.
"I didn't realize that's how you felt." Then I made it even worse.
"Are you even really a Christian?" I don't know what look was on
his face. He seemed to think about it a while, drifting off.
When he snapped out of it, he clearly and calmly said, "No." And I
delivered what almost could have been the killing blow to our friendship.
"Then I want nothing to do with you." And then I walked away. For
months we were at eachothers throats when we ran into eachother. I hated
myself for what was happening to us. All the time I felt myself getting
drawn closer to Danny, but I kept moving away because of what he'd said. I
couldn't deal with the conflicting feelings and so I gave in to the one
that was easiest to give into... Anger.
We had most of our classes together. And I did stupid things, like
telling everyone he wasn't a Christian, which, in our school, was like
murdering someone. Jeers and taunts followed him wherever he went, but he
didn't back down. There were times when I wanted to join them in yelling,
and there were others when I wanted to shield him from them. Often times
I'd wind up crying, always alone of course, but crying nonetheless because
of what was happening. I felt guilt, unbelievably heavy guilt that stuck to
my heart and poisoned everything I did.
It was one day, when I was coming out of football, I saw some
people pick on Danny. There were four of them. Now might be a good time to
mention that Danny and I took Tae-Kwon-Do together for the better part of
five years, and he was really good. Not good enough for four on one, but
still. When the first one went to punch him, Danny just wound up taking him
off balance and he wound up on the ground. I clearly heard him say, "I
don't want to fight you." Then they rushed him. I ran over there as fast a
I could, not even really understanding why. And then I tackled two of
them. I'd never felt more angry at anyone. I wanted to kill them for trying
to hurt Danny. Between the two of us, we managed to get them running
away. I practically broke down apologizing, crying, trying to explain how
sorry I was, but Danny just gave me a quick hug and said, "Apology
Accepted" and we've been good ever since.
I learned a lot from Danny, He taught me to be a more accepting
person, explaining his logic for a lot of his ideas and opinions. One day,
as cautiously as I could, I asked him why he wasn't a Christian. Without
even a pause, as though he'd rehearsed the response he said, "Because I
can't believe in a religion that would doom me, and everyone like me, and
everyone that didn't believe in it to a firey torture for eternity." That
was all he said. When I told him that I'd still be a Christian, he just
said, "I never wanted to rip you away from your faith." I'll be honest with
you, I adored Danny. After we started talking again, and he explained his
philosophy to me, I found that he was inspiring, and he didn't even know
it. He was, in my eyes, perfect. He was what everyone should be; kind,
gentle, accepting, wise, all of these qualities were perfectly embroidered
into Danny. Several times I'd thought that maybe he was an angel or
something, and yes, I'm being serious.
One day I started thinking. I'd think about Danny, and I'd think
about how good a friend he was. There was more than one time when I'd say
something. Something that he knew wasn't the right answer, or some kind of
misinformation, and someone would challenge me on it. But he wouldn't. He'd
always tell me, of course, later, when I was wrong about something, but in
front of others, he'd defend whatever I said with everything he had,
usually throwing out a bunch of big words to confuse people. It didn't take
long for me to start thinking about how much I loved him. At first I didn't
understand it. In all reality, I'd have called him my brother. But, that
wasn't it. He was beyond nice, smarter than anyone else I knew, he'd always
give out good advice, and though he never complained, he'd listen to
everyone else's complaints, their worries and the reasons they liked or
didn't like this teacher, or that class. Hell, there were several times
that a student he'd never even talked to before would come up to him and
say something. Then he'd do his magic and have them talking about it in a
flash. Then they'd walk away happier. Most of the time without even a thank
you, but he didn't care. He's smart, but with exception of some big words,
never brags or gloats about it. He helps myself, Miranda, Jake, Zack,
Samantha, Tiffany, Angie, Alex, pretty much everyone that asks and several
people who don't with their homework. Hell, he'd even put off his to do it,
seeing our need as bigger than his. Anytime I asked him he'd just say,
"I'm an all A student with an ACT of 32, and I'm only a junior. If
I don't do my homework one time, I think I can make it." He'd either say
that or, "Their asking me to help them, not do it for them, I don't think I
could live with myself if I pushed them away." He's too nice of a
person... Noone deserves him. That was what I thought. And then I thought
of me, and I realized that 'I' didn't deserve him either. I cried for a
while after I thought that and I began thinking of Danny as more than a
brother, but I couldn't explain it.
Anyway, I guess that, despite the feelings I had for Danny I didn't
ever really realize that I was gay until the day he came out. On October
12, at around noon, while we were eating lunch, Danny told me, Miranda,
Jake, and Zack that he was gay. It was then that I realized that I was gay,
and I realized it because I loved Daniel...
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Eli's Moment of Realization
When I was young, I remember going to a summer camp. It was two
weeks long, and I shared a bunkhouse with 20 other boys, ages 10-13. I
myself was 10. There were times when I would be changing, and I would look
over and see the other boys changing. Some of the other boys were looking
to, though any time we caught eachothers eye, we looked away quickly. I
particularly remember the showers. We'd walk in, having got naked in the
bunk room, and walking in, the showers were communal, just rows of shower
heads, no stalls, no curtains, nothing. I remember getting to watch these
boys as they showered, their soapy hands traveling all over tanned
bodies. Some of them had a little hair down there. My penis was, of course,
rock hard, though admittedly, at this age, it really didn't matter because
everything was so undeveloped that I didn't figure it was noticeable.
I made a friend at camp. He was eleven, his name was Tommy, and he
had the bunk below mine. We started talking while we were swimming and we
discovered that we had a lot in common, though he came from Missouri. We
hung out all the time while there, eating together, swimming together,
doing most of the activities together. I wasn't particularly good at many
of the physical activities, except swimming. I loved swimming. Well, I
guess you can guess what happened, right? We were sitting at a bonfire one
night, the camp counselors had gone to investigate a fight, and the others
decided to turn in early, when he suggested we go swimming. I told him my
bathing suit was back at the cabin and he said we could go skinny dipping.
"What's that?" I asked.
"It's where you swim naked." I had to admit that the idea excited
me, though I didn't know why. I said sure and we went down to the edge of
the lake and started taking off our clothes. We both pulled our shirts over
our heads and I noticed how the moonlight bleached our skin white. It
reflected off his eyes and his teeth when he smiled, giving him a very
excited look. Both of our breathing seemed a little ragged and I felt my
heart beating like a hummingbird's wings. We both looked at eachother
before slowly unbuttoning, and unzipping our shorts. The humid air stuck to
my skin and the grasshoppers and frogs were filling the air with their
bloats and chirping. We both slowly slid off our shorts and underwear at
the same time, and then we stood there, naked in the moonlight, staring at
eachother. He grabbed my hand and led me to the water. It lapped at my feet
as we slowly waded in. The water was warm like bathwater and Tommy lightly
squeezed my hand as the water made it up to my waist. We went just a little
farther before we both let go and dived forward, the warm water rushing up
to my shoulders and around my body. We swam for a while, but then he
stopped and looked at me. After a second, he grabbed my hand and pulled me
in close, the mud squished between my toes and he gazed into my eyes for a
while. Then he tilted my head up with his finger and... We both closed our
eyes and kissed. It was tender, romantic even.
It wasn't too long after that before we heard laughing and loud
talking. We dropped down so that just our heads were above the water and we
saw the counselors come back and douse the fire. After that, we both
sneaked back up to the cabin. We got in fine, and went to sleep, but after
that, nothing ever happened again. Our friendship remained, but he never
mentioned that night again. Camp ended, we both went back home and I never
saw him again.
After that, I suppose nothing else happened until the day of
Danny's birthday party when I was in the eighth grade. I'd just gotten a
haircut and styled up my hair in my now standard fohawk. I'd put on one of
my favorite bright yellow shirts, and a pair of black skinny jeans. I put
on my black and yellow shoes to tie up the ensemble. I heard a honk from
outside. Danny and his mom were here. I came out of my room and came around
the staircase calling to my mom "Hey mom, Danny's here! I'm going." She
came around the corner and looked at me funny.
"K." Her voice seemed odd somehow, though I was to learn what it
all meant later. I went out the door, got in his mom's car, and rode on to
the roller skating rink. "Mrs. Graves, where's Allen, did he not come?"
"Oh no honey, he had to go to drill this weekend." Allen was in the
National Guard, so he was gone a lot for army stuff. We made it to the
skating rink. While I was trying to put on my roller skates I heard, "Fag."
But when I looked around noone was looking at me. The closest people were a
small group of boys that looked to be here for some other boys' birthday
party. I thought I recognized them. I smirked to myself while I laced up my
skates and I said, not under my breath, but just loud enough for them to
hear, "Typical coward words, not standing behind them. Seems like someone
else is a bit more fag-ish around here." That's not to say that I thought
gays were cowards, but I knew it'd piss them off. They came over to me.
"What'd you say... faggot?" The oldest one, they looked about two
or so years older than me, came up to me and towered over me. I stood up,
trying desperately to keep my balance, while not looking like I was trying
to keep my balance.
"I believe the whole point of you being up in my face is that you
heard me perfectly." He sneered at me, then he pushed me, and I rolled
backwards and fell back, landing hard on my ass. I grabbed onto a seat and
stood myself up. They were guffawing stupidly, the idiots. Just then I
looked to see Danny speed over and hop the boundary to the skating area,
catching himself on the edge of a table, spinning around beside me. Damn
he's good.
"There a problem here gentlemen?" He was using his mediator voice.
"Yeah, you've got a faggot at your birthday party." The big ugly
one pointed at me. Danny didn't even blink, and was staring them down.
"I don't honestly think there's any need for any vulgarity here."
I'm not sure if I should take it as a good or bad sign that he didn't
really attack the accusation, moreso he just focused on the word.
"I'm sure you don't. You're probably just a little faggot too,
aren't you?" They glared at him before walking away.
"You need any help?" He extended his hand, clearly seeing that I
wasn't the most balanced on rollerskates. I took his hand and he guided me
over to where our party's table was and I sat down. He sat down beside
me. "Assholes, every one of them. You have to be to call anyone any kind of
name like that." I don't know why I did it, but I did.
"Well, I suppose it's probably all too obvious, but their
namecalling wasn't exactly entirely unfounded." I could see him look at me
out of the corner of my eye, because I refused to meet it. I heard him sigh
deeply. Here it comes, now he'll call you names too.
"If it makes you feel any better, not everyone is so narrow-minded
as that. There are people out there who don't care about whether your
straight or gay." Now I looked at him, but he didn't look at me. Then he
smiled at me and got up. "If you ever come across people like that again,"
He skated around backwards so he was skating away from me, but he was
turned toward me. "just flip em' off and walk away." His shit eating grin
flashed and he skated off. And that, I think, was the moment I really
realized I was gay. Because I was in love with Daniel...
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Jake's Moment of Realization
I'm so fucked up. Forgive my language, but I never had a single
thought, never a moment of curiosity, never a second of thinking about
another guy like that and then... Then I kissed Danny...
I was on my way to picking up Zack when I thought I'd stop by
Rachael's house. Maybe I'd see if she wanted to go. I pulled up to her
house and walked up the stairs, onto their porch and knocked. No sooner had
I done so then I heard the lock come unlatched and the door opened. There
stood Rachael, her phone in her hand and her hair messed up. Her eyes got
wide and she shut her phone quickly.
It didn't last long. No sooner had I said, "Hey Rachael." did I
feel my phone vibrate. I pulled out my phone and noticed that it was a text
from Rachael. I went to read it but she screamed, "Don't!" Too late. I
didn't even read the whole message, but I read enough to see what she
intended by it. My eyes locked on the words, "... break up..." and I was
out of there like a gunshot. "No! Jake listen! Jake! Jake!" She followed me
until I got to my car and got in. I went to turn the key... Then I saw him.
He came out of the house, his shirt off. One of the guys from the
football team. The sun gleamed off of him and he looked decidedly
confused. But, his hair was messed up, as though they were in her
bedroom.... doing... NO! I hit the reverse and floored it, spinning out of
her driveway. Then I went and got Zack. Thankfully, Zack knows better than
to mess with me when I got in this kind of mood. I went to the mall, had a
great time, and almost forgot about the thing with Rachael. That is, until
I sang that song. That had been our song. I know it's stupid, but that
'was' the song that was playing when we had our first kiss. We'd tried to
make it so it seemed like we were, "Daring eachother to move, to make that
move" so we made it seem more romantic, but now that I was singing it
again, the only thing it made me think of was my teammate coming out of her
house.
And then, Sheryl showed up. Excuse my language again, but she is
the biggest bitch on the planet. Not to mention she hates Daniel with a
passion. Personally, that's just not cool.
Later, when I was telling Danny, and he started telling me all
those things, I just... This overwhelming urge to kiss him stole over
me. It was like I had to, like I would die if I didn't. So I did... And I
changed my life forever. It had never occurred to me before about how much
I would enjoy the feelings of his lips on mine. I'd never taken the time to
appreciate how nice he was. I suppose you're looking for me to tell you
that this was the moment I realized that I was gay. But in all honesty, I
just don't know if I am or not. I don't know if I'm gay, or straight, or
bi, or just gay for Danny, or just really fricking confused. I'll tell you
what I do know though. I know that I'm in love with Daniel...
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So, how'd you like it? I'm thinking about doing one for all of the
gay characters, which will total 9, possibly more, though I haven't gotten
that far yet. I may even have a few lesbian characters, in which case I'll
do one for them too, but as I'm not a woman, it's a bit more difficult to
write a lesbian character than it is a gay character. But yeah, that'll be
Danny, Mark, Jake, Eli, Alex, Cody, Sean, and the two characters you've yet
to meet, Dakota, and Logan. One of whom is already a student at their
school, the other a transfer who comes in on Monday. I'm even thinking
about bringing in Tommy from Eli's story to add a little more flare to the
story, but I won't do that without the consent of my readers, anyway, I'm
sorry for having so many chapters covering two days, it'll confuse later
chapters because, well, if I were doing a chapter for every day, there'd be
well over 700 chapters considering I'm wanting to continue the story till
graduation, and they're only juniors right now. I'm wanting to keep the
story under a certain amount of chapters so that way it won't intimidate
people who may come in later and see it. Anyway, so review to
johnmeyerz36@yahoo.com