Anxiety is a normal human experience. In fact, it is an adaptive response to life stressors. Anxiety can motivate us to complete important tasks and may alert us to danger in our environment. However, when someone's anxiety becomes excessive and is beginning to impede their functioning, they could be struggling with an anxiety disorder.

The following are three things that keep people trapped in their anxiety disorders, and tips for how you can begin to break free.

From the time that we were children, we are given the message that it is important to try to avoid painful and unpleasant feelings. For instance, adults often comfort children by stating, "Don't cry. Everything is going to be ok." The implicit message in this statement is that crying is a "bad" thing, which should be avoided.

For individuals who are struggling with anxiety disorders, often the primary impulse is to try to avoid feeling anxious. For instance, someone with social anxiety or PTSD may start to avoid situations, such as parties or family gatherings. Ultimately, this comes from a place of self-love because they are attempting to feel better by staying away from situations, which trigger their anxiety.

However, avoidance behavior is often what causes one's anxiety to become even more crippling. When you avoid something that causes you to feel anxious, you will likely experience a sense of relief and your anxiety will go down in the short-term, reinforcing that in order to feel better you must stay away from the anxiety-provoking stimulus. In reality, this only heightens your sense of anxiety surrounding that stimulus over the long run.

Suggestion #1: Ultimately, if you are able to expose yourself to the anxiety-provoking stimulus with enough frequency, over time you can actually reduce your anxiety response through what is called exposure therapy. If you are struggling with an anxiety disorder, I would recommend seeking a therapist who specializes in this kind of therapy. Facing your fears with the support of a professional enables you to begin to break free from your anxiety disorder's control and reclaim your life.

Trap #2: Engaging in behaviors that numb your feelings of anxiety.

Often people turn to behaviors such as drinking, using drugs, self-harming such as hair-pulling, binging, purging, and starving, in an attempt to numb themselves from their feelings of anxiety. People use these coping strategies because they temporarily give them relief from their anxiety. However, engaging in these behaviors can cause you to become dependent on them, may lead to a co-occurring mental health diagnosis, and create even more problems than when you started.

Another important consideration is that as human beings, we are unable to selectively numb emotions. So when we numb ourselves from feeling anxious and depressed, we also block ourselves from feeling happiness and joy. And we all want to feel positive emotions we just need to learn how to manage and move through the bad.

Suggestion #2: Instead of trying to escape your anxious thoughts and feelings, I would encourage you to be curious about them. Try to observe and pay attention to things that trigger your anxiety, and let them move through you. You could even keep a log of your triggers and rate your feelings of anxiety from day to day. Mindfully observing your anxious thoughts helps you distance yourself from them, and subsequently change your behavioral responses.

Trap #3: Criticizing yourself for feeling anxious.

Often, I have seen people who are struggling with anxiety disorders beat themselves up for feeling anxious. Berating yourself for experiencing anxiety will only cause you to feel worse than you already do. Who needs that?!

Suggestion #3: Rather than criticizing yourself, try to practice self-compassion. The times when you are struggling are often when you need to practice self-compassion the most. Think about the way that you would talk to a good friend who was struggling with anxiety, and then apply these same statements to yourself. In addition, engage in some compassionate self-care activities, such as taking a warm bath, making your favorite meal, reading an enjoyable book, or going to get a massage.

If you are struggling with an anxiety disorder, know that you are certainly not alone. It is a sign of strength to reach out and seek help. Further, it is entirely possible to lead a successful and happy life with an anxiety disorder. Kristie Lowell, a world champion gymnast, emphasized this best when she stated:

"After World Championships a young athlete wrote me: "You are my idol because you cry every day and you keep trying … you are my hero." This letter changed my life. I stopped being ashamed of being one of the millions of people who suffer from anxiety. I started embracing it and using it to help athletes at my gym. I have learned that no one chooses to have anxiety. Instead of isolating athletes that have been labeled "mental cases," I choose to stand by them and tell them they can do it, too."

People with an extreme fear of social situations, if this fear is disabling enough, may have the diagnosable condition of social anxiety disorder (SAD). The symptoms that can become the basis for this disorder include extreme anxiety in any of a number of situations, ranging from eating a meal in front of other people to standing up and speaking to a group. The “anxiety” in this condition isn’t an actual fear of people (i.e., it is not a phobia), but instead reflects a fear of any number of social situations. The fear, in turn, leads people to avoid situations in which they’ll become overwhelmingly anxious. However, some situations that might provoke social anxiety are unavoidable. You can hardly go your entire life without having to eat in front of other people, whether it's a formal, work-related event or a rowdy family get-together around the holiday table. Similarly, there will be times you will have to stand up and speak in front of others, even if it's just to offer some words of welcome to a new member of a community group.

From a diagnostic standpoint, Harvard psychologists Alexandre Heeren and Richard McNally (2018) note that psychiatry views SAD as either a discrete categorical entity (meaning that you have it or you don’t) or as a continuum, where the more social situations you fear and avoid, the more impaired you are. They believe that these approaches are flawed, because they fail to take into account the relationships among social anxiety's particular symptoms. Instead, according to the “network” approach they recommend, SAD is “an emergent phenomenon that arises from causal interactions among symptoms." You don't just have one, two, or five situations in which you fear public behavior. The situations cluster together in related ways, forming the nodes of a network. Within such a network might be your fear of, and avoidance of, meeting strangers. This node would be connected to the node of fear of going to a party or calling people you don’t know very well. The fear of new social situations, they maintain, is distinct from the node representing, in their examples, avoidance of test-taking and fear of taking goods back to the store.

You can think of this network model in terms of central joining points connecting related symptoms by straight lines. The more closely connected different nodes are within the system, the greater the severity of the individual’s disorder. If social anxiety nodes are closely connected, you will feel fearful not only of eating in public, but also of speaking in front of your co-workers at that meeting. If fear of eating in public sits off by itself and is relatively distant from any other symptoms of the disorder, then you’ll be less incapacitated overall. If you’d like a metaphor for understanding how this network model works, the authors suggest imagining a diagram showing the intricate relationships among characters of different tribes in Game of Thrones.

The Harvard researchers maintain that “the network approach has ignited an explosion of research on a wide range of disorders," but has received little attention in the area of SAD. In their study, the authors used the network approach to differentiate people with the disorder from those who do not meet the diagnostic criteria for SAD. The analytic approach they used in the current study involved constructing lines among nodes in that elaborate Game of Thrones-like network based on the size of correlations among each of a set of 24 specific fears and their 24 corresponding avoidant behaviors.

The 238 participants receiving a SAD diagnosis ranged in age from 18 to 66 years and were compared with a comparable group of individuals who were free of the diagnosis. A 24-item social anxiety scale asked participants to rate both their fear and avoidance of everyday situations, in addition to those mentioned above, such as telephoning in public, working while being observed, resisting a high-pressure salesperson, urinating in a public bathroom, talking to people in authority, and entering a room where others are already seated. To measure the node centrality of each of the 24 situations, the authors constructed measures of the number of times a node lay on the shortest path between two other nodes, the average distance of a node from all the others in the network, and the sum of all weights showing the correlation of a node with the ones connecting to it. The overall global network strength then became the key variable of interest in determining whether those with the SAD diagnosis had more nodes closely connected than people who did not have the SAD diagnosis.

Again, keep in mind that the premise underlying the study is that people with an actual SAD diagnosis would have a number of interconnected symptoms (not just more), compared to people without the diagnosis, who might have a prominent symptom node or two relatively independent of all the other possible symptom nodes. You might hate having to use a public bathroom to urinate, but enjoy talking to people you don’t know that well or even be an inveterate product-returner at your local department store.

Heeren and McNally summarize their study’s main conclusion as follows: “the chief difference between a person with SAD and a shy person without the disorder is that the probability of fearing (and avoiding) one situation more strongly predicts fearing (and avoiding) another situation” in the person with SAD. People with SAD don’t fear different situations than people without SAD, but their fears are more strongly interconnected. This means, then, that it’s harder to intervene to reduce the maladaptive symptoms of a person with SAD than a person who has an isolated distaste for being in the public eye.

One striking similarity between people with SAD and people who do not have SAD is that the central nodes involve interactions with unfamiliar people, including just looking eye-to-eye at an unfamiliar person. It’s possible, based on this finding, that individuals with SAD had early experiences that reinforced their fear of strangers, and that this core set of fears triggers the others also seen in people with the disorder.

The treatment for people with SAD, according to this network model, should target their most central nodes of fear and avoidance. This means that therapists would first need to build the model of interconnections shown by their particular clients and then delve into the nodes that are most interwoven within the system of symptoms as a whole.

If you’re trying to overcome your own social anxiety, you can start by recognizing that it’s the fear of unfamiliar people that is likely at the core of your symptoms. You could work on improving your public-speaking skills, for example, but this won’t address your primary fear of having to put yourself out there in front of people you don’t know that well. Once you do, you may see positive benefits start to emerge almost on their own. As the authors suggest, “turning off a highly connected node may foster a beneficial cascade of downstream benefits” that could deactivate other, less central, nodes in the system.

The good news is that the network approach suggests a practical set of steps that you can take advantage of in therapy, if you in fact have this diagnosis. Fulfillment in social situations often does involve meeting new people and taking risks in front of them. Teasing apart the source of your fears, and tracing them to their roots, may just be the first step toward overcoming them.

What causes anxiety in one person may not cause anxious feelings in another. A variety of external, environmental, genetic, and brain chemistry factors contribute to a person's propensity to experience anxiety symptoms. Experiencing anxiety during a divorce, before a public performance, or giving a speech is normal, but some people tend to feel anxious about these events and other challenges more intensely than the typical person. Some even have anxiety attacks. Experts believe that these people may have a genetic predisposition toward anxiety, or perhaps have learned to feel anxious from a parent or other caregiver.

Of course, there's also those "nervous nellies" who are simply prone to worry. Maybe you know someone who likes to talk about and worry about the worst possible outcomes. This person's life isn't adversely affected by his or her focus on the macabre or doom and gloom – they simply seem to get some sort of enjoyment out of it. While environmental and other factors may contribute to the behavior of nervous nellies, these people tend to view anxiety, and talking about worries, in the same way those who enjoy gossiping view participating in talking about others flaws and activities -- enjoyable.

ENVIRONMENTAL FACTORS AS AN ANXIETY CAUSEEnvironmental factors represent a major cause of anxiety for everyone – not just those prone to worry. Several environmental challenges and experiences contribute to anxiety:

Death of a loved oneDivorcePhysical or emotional abuseWork stressesSchool stressesStress surrounding financial burdens and moneyNatural disasterPublic performanceGiving a speechFear of illnessStress in a personal friendship or family relationshipMarriageBirth of a baby

MEDICAL FACTORS AS AN ANXIETY CAUSECertain medical conditions and the stress associated with them have long been a known anxiety cause. Some medical conditions that may cause anxiety include:

Serious medical problem or illnessMedication side effectsMedical illness symptoms (some physical illnesses include anxiety as a symptom)Lack of oxygen caused by a medical condition, such as emphysema or a blood clot in the lung (pulmonary embolism).

SUBSTANCE ABUSE AS AN ANXIETY CAUSEIllicit drug use represents a major cause of anxiety. Using cocaine or illegal amphetamines can cause anxious feelings as can withdrawal from certain prescription drugs like benzodiazepines, oxycodone, barbiturates, and others.

ANXIETY AND GENETICSStrong evidence exists linking anxiety and genetics. In other words, children with at least one anxious parent, or other first degree relative with anxiety, tend to develop an inclination for it as well. Some studies indicate that people with abnormal levels of certain brain neurotransmitters may have a higher tendency to experience anxiety. When the neurotransmitter levels are not normal, the brain may react inappropriately at times, causing anxiety.

BECOME FAMILIAR WITH WHAT CAUSES ANXIETY IN YOUThe first step to controlling fear and worry is learning what causes anxiety in you specifically. Even if genetics predisposes you to feel anxious, external and environmental factors, such as medical conditions, substance abuse, or divorce and financial problems, can exacerbate your anxiety. Once you know what triggers your anxiety, you can then take steps to face it and stop it from having a negative impact on your life.

Specifically, he defines stress as a “holistic transaction between the individual and the potential stressor resulting in a stress response.” For example, being stuck in traffic on your way to work is a stressor. But traffic on a leisurely Sunday isn’t a big deal.In addition, your response to the stressor also depends on your physiological state. “Each transaction we’re involved in takes place in a very specific context that’s affected by our health, sleep, psychoactive substances, whether we’ve had breakfast [that day] and [whether we’re] physically fit,” Blonna said. Lack of sleep and many cups of coffee can heighten stress, whereas a great workout and a big breakfast may buffer it.

Still, oftentimes, it can feel like we’re powerless to stressors. That we have no choice but to get bothered by traffic, the flu, taxes and bills. But we do have some control over our response to potential stressors, as Blonna said. Here’s how to empower yourself along with how to cope effectively with stress.

5 Ways for Better Coping with Stress​When trying to manage stress, Blonna said that many people mistakenly look for a Band-Aid approach. They look for one approach to work with all stressors in all situations at all times. But realistically you can’t rely on one technique. For instance, diaphragmatic breathing is an effective stress reliever but you might not want to use it in a certain situation because you’re feeling self-conscious and don’t want to bring attention to yourself, he said. Similarly, while Blonna is a big believer in meditation, he said it doesn’t work if you’re stuck in traffic, since it’s dangerous to close your eyes.

​Instead, “What we need is a toolbox that’s full of techniques that we can fit and choose for the stressor in the present moment,” he said. Stress is complex, so your approach to coping with it has to be “broad-based and adaptive,” he said. Years ago, he developed five levels of strategies for coping with stress or the “five Rs of coping model.” Each level has multiple strategies.1. Reorganize.

As a health educator, Blonna knows the importance of a healthy lifestyle, especially for stress management. He said that “reorganizing your health” and “develop[ing] hearty habits” provides more energy and builds coping resilience. For instance, exercise not only improves physical functioning but it also helps your brain work better and process information better, he said.In fact, maybe you “won’t even get stressed in the first place.” Blonna aims to get at least 30 minutes of cardio four to five times a week. As he said, physical wellbeing isn’t “merely your health insurance, but [your] basic defense against stress.”2. Rethink.

What your mind tells you “about a potential stressor determines whether it becomes an actual stressor,” Blonna said. He gave the example of a student who’s terrified of failing a final exam. He keeps focusing on how he isn’t smart and will do poorly, instead of focusing on the things that will help him do well on the exam, such as meeting with the professor, scheduling a study session with others and studying for the final. The goal is to get over your negative thinking and accept that while you may not be an expert in a certain subject, like in this case, you can still try your best and do what you can to learn the material.

Our scripts from the past also can turn potential stressors actual ones. They can stunt growth in the very areas that we value. From the perspective of acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), Blonna said, we carry mental and emotional baggage about past events and experiences. When similar experiences come up, these old scripts lead to negative self-talk. Take the idea of a new relationship, he said. This can be a potential stressor if other relationships didn’t go well. While you’re very interested in this person and you value relationships, old images of past failed relationships, self-doubt and negative scripts keep coming up.

If we let these things become barriers to moving forward, then “we aren’t living lives with what we value,” he said. He likens this baggage to carrying around a duffle bag. “Each of us has this duffel bag filled with negative thoughts, mental images and dialogue.” We have two options: we can “let duffle bag drag us down [or] we can just drop it or put it away.” It’s the idea of accepting that this baggage does exist—“we can’t eliminate it”—but “I don’t have to let it stop me in my tracks,” he said. Plus, once you experience a positive relationship or experience, you create a healthy frame of reference.

In general, “be aware of that baggage and how it’s affecting [your] life in the present moment; how it’s influencing your ability to enjoy life now” and to accept “the fact that that’s how [your] mind works.” But you do have the power to change those negative thoughts and push through self-doubting scripts.Blonna gave an example from his own life when he was considering becoming an ACT trainer. He had various negative scripts running in his mind, including how he’d inevitably fail and who did he think he was to train psychotherapists with years of experience in the first place. He “almost said no.” But after a while, he decided that he’d do several training sessions. If they were “total failures,” he’d stop. The result? The training sessions went exceptionally well, and he continues to train others.

3. Reduce.

“Sometimes we’re stressed out because of the sheer volume of things we’re involved in,” Blonna said. When you’re overwhelmed, even fun things lose their appeal and become stressors. Take running, for example. If you’re rushing around and have to force running in between two other commitments, this passion may become another source of stress, he said. The key is to find optimal stimulation, so you aren’t understimulated (i.e., bored) with your activities or overstimulated (i.e., overwhelmed).

To do that, consider all the things you’re involved in. It can help to keep a journal to track your activities and your feelings about them, Blonna said. Also, he suggested asking yourself, “Do they mesh with my goals and values? Am I doing things that give my life meaning? Am I doing the right amount of things?”

Other questions that may provide you with good insight: “When you wake up in the morning, do you look forward to what’s on your plate? Are you excited to start the day? Or do you dread getting out of bed because you don’t have any energy?”

Understand that getting to this balanced place takes trial and error. Also, it takes saying no to things that aren’t that important to you. For instance, Blonna has worked with students who take on 19 credits to please their parents, but they get incredibly overwhelmed with the course load. “They can only handle 12 credits and would rather cut back and enjoy the process of learning but allow others to bully them into toughing it out yet they’re miserable,” he said.

4. Relax.

This level is “designed to put your body in a state that’s incompatible with stress,” Blonna said. Interestingly, “a lot of people are so stressed [that] they don’t know what the absence of stress or a calm mind feels like,” he said. But practicing clinically proven relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing or systematic muscle relaxation, for about 20 minutes a day can help tremendously. While you won’t always have the time to devote to these techniques on a daily basis, he said, it is important to make relaxation a priority.

5. Release.

Here, the goal is two-fold, according to Blonna: to reduce muscle tension and to “use up energy that’s mobilized during a stress response.” He divides physical activity into mild, moderate and vigorous activities. Maybe in addition to your physical activity routine, you need something more vigorous to release the tension so you lift weights or go on a brisk walk.

Positive emotions such as contentment or satisfaction tell our brains to release positive chemicals such as serotonin or dopamine to make our bodies feel good.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

When we find ourselves in a less-than-positive emotional state, this mental anguish can express itself throughout our bodies. For example, our brains release toxic levels of cortisol when we’re exposed to long-term physical, mental, or emotional stress. Our brain chemistry gets burnt-out and our bodies reflect this in physical ways.

The type of pain linked to high levels of cortisol or adrenal fatigue is easy for most people to identify, but emotional stress can express itself physically in many ways. For many people, chronic emotional stress just feels normal. Sometimes we don’t even realize we’re in an unbalanced emotional state until we start examining our physical pain and attempt to determine its source.

Do you have chronic headaches or a kink in your back you just can’t seem to shake? Have you already tried everything medically available but the pain just won’t go away? You could be looking in the wrong places.

Many types of pain are directly linked to our emotions. Once we identify what’s causing the pain, we can start healing from the inside out.

What is Psychosomatic Pain?

Psychosomatic pain is a disorder characterized by chronic and physical symptoms with no apparent medical explanation. The term is derived from the word psyche referring to our mental state and soma which means body. Consider also that the word pain comes from the Latin word poena which means “penalty.” So psychosomatic pain is a specific type of physical pain triggered by our psychological state.

As the current of an emotion travels along our neural pathways, it triggers a release of chemical proteins called neuropeptides. Each emotion has its own individual frequency and, simultaneously, releases a corresponding receptor active peptide [1]. The late Dr. Candace B. Pert, author of Molecules of Emotion, wrote about how unprocessed emotions in the body actually become stuck, thereby affecting a person’s entire system.

Negative emotions and negative thoughts have a different energetic frequency than positive emotions and thoughts. Because of that, they can distort the organs, tissues, and cells that surround wherever they’re stored in the body.

Our bodies literally punish us for putting them through stressful emotional experiences. Unfortunately, negative emotions might not even be our own fault, but our bodies can’t tell the difference. Long-term emotional abuse or childhood neglect can manifest in chronic psychosomatic pain through no fault of our own.

Likewise, minor emotional inconveniences can also express themselves throughout our bodies in different forms of pain. The pain can last for years and even spread from one part of our body to another. We often won’t find a physical explanation or successful pharmaceutical treatment because there simply isn’t one.

It’s important to understand that the term “psychosomatic” doesn’t mean that pain or discomfort are ‘all in your head’, but rather that the symptoms result from brain function and chemistry.

Our minds and bodies work dualistically [2]. Mental pain can directly cause nerve damage and other physical pain. Fortunately, we can also harness our minds to relieve physical pain, as well.

If you’ve experienced physical maladies with no medical explanation in sight, it may be time to consider healing from the inside out through targeting and healing negative emotions and unprocessed emotional trauma.

7 Common Types of Pain That Are Directly Linked to Your Emotional State

1 – Headaches and Migraines

Most chronic headaches and migraines are triggered by the daily stresses of life. Generalized anxiety also causes headaches. Repressed (bottled-up) emotions surrounding stress — such as anxiety, worry, drama, and fatigue — can increase muscle tension, and dilated (widened) blood vessels can make a migraine worse.

An interesting trigger of the contemporary headache may be associated with the company we keep. For example, do you notice a tension headache when your abusive partner arrives home? Does your frontal headache show up around the time your narcissistic boss shows up to work?

If you’ve experienced headaches or have been medically diagnosed with migraines that weren’t part of your life before entering a toxic relationship or ongoing stressful situation, your emotions may be the root cause.

2 – Neck and Shoulder Pain

As stress starts to accumulate in our minds and bodies, the first place it typically manifests physically is in our shoulders and neck. Chronic neck and shoulder pain often arise from trying to carry the weight of the world on one’s shoulders, an inability to let go of a person or situation, or the inability to forgive.

3 – Back Pain

The emotional link to back pain depends on the area. The factors to consider are as varied as each person is, but the most salient include:

Physical stress to the lower backSedentary jobsLack of exerciseUntended psychological issuesDepression, anxietyCoping mechanisms, how you deal with stressBefore agreeing to invasive measures to treat your back pain, try psychological therapy and alternative healing modalities to see if they help.

4 – Abdominal Pain

Emotional stress wreaks havoc [4] on our digestive system. Long-term depression, anxiety, or PTSD can cause irritable bowel syndrome (IBS), chronic ulcers, and general discomfort. Many stomach disorders indicate a failure to “stomach” a person or a situation which you dread or cannot tolerate. It can also mean that it’s difficult for you to deal with a person or situation that contradicts your plans, habits, or lifestyle. This may cause you to inwardly criticize yourself, preventing you from letting go of the situation.

5 – Menstrual Pain

That time-of-the-month is always painful, sure. But if a woman’s menstrual cycles become overly painful or she develops chronic conditions, her emotions could be the real culprit.

As women, when we refuse to embrace the difficult or unpleasant emotions inside of us, when we deny the shadow sides of our personalities, or when we hold negative beliefs about ourselves as women, various menstrual problems may manifest and can even trigger or exasperate endometriosis [5] and uterine fibroids.

6 – Pain in the Extremities

Pain or stiffness in our hips might indicate fear of going forward in major decisions or feeling there’s nothing to move forward to. Are you trying to avoid moving on from a past experience or state? Knee pain, stiffness or inflexibility may reflect rigidity in your perception of the future. It occurs more often in those who are unable to bend to new ideas, such as the idea of a different life. Pain in our arms might represent the incapacity and inability to hold the experiences of life.

Counseling or Group TherapyOver long periods of time, negative emotions can start to feel “normal.” If you aren’t sure where to start, talking to a therapist can help identify some areas to improve. Support groups can also provide dynamic feedback in a safe environment.

Yoga and MeditationMany studies show that developing a yoga and meditation routine can reduce symptoms of anxiety or depression and help us move towards a more-balanced emotional state.

Communicating and Understanding Your EmotionsSometimes we repress our emotions which, over time, leads to psychosomatic pain. Developing better communication skills can help us express our emotions properly so they don’t create an unnecessary burden on our bodies. If you are in a situation or relationship where you aren’t able to express yourself or your emotions, it may be time to consider ways to detach so you can move forward into emotional and physical healing.

Our emotions are often directly linked to our physical ailments. By identifying and treating our negative mental state, we can properly heal our bodies from the inside out.

College isn’t always easy, whether you’re a freshman going away for the first time or you’re a senior looking forward to your last year. There are many challenges, especially if you’re living on your own for the first time in your life, as most college students are.

Luckily, there are things you can take with you to college or university to help improve your mental health and keep yourself balanced. Here are a few…

1. Your Belief That Anything is Possible

For better or worse, as people age, they tend to become more cynical. Life has a way of teaching a person things over time — what we eventually call “experience” — that also limits our openness to new things and new ways of thinking.

Young adults tend to be less cynical. Life is still full of possibilities. While not every road will lead somewhere, you’re still open to giving them all a try. While at university, this belief will serve you well. Try and hold on to this open-mindedness as you wend your way through your college life and young adulthood.

2. Your Ability to Bounce Back

Psychologists call this ability to bounce back a person’s “resilience.” Not everyone has it, and some people feel things more deeply for a longer period of time than others. But it seems this ability is formed during our developmental years — as a child and teenager — so this is the prime time of your life to build this skill further.

College is the first time many people experience their first real failures in life — in a serious relationship, in academics, in applying themselves in some way that doesn’t turn out the way they had hoped. How you deal with these setbacks is the foundation for how you’ll learn to deal with failure for the rest of your life. Think more mindfully of failure in order to better help you cope with it in the future.

3. Your Connections with Family & Friends

While you will grow the number and type of friendships you have in college, you bring with you the social bonds you already have made with your family and friends. College is as much about learning what it takes to be an adult and expanding upon your social skills as it is about learning a specific academic subject.

Take this opportunity to build upon your existing social skills and challenge yourself to expand them. Most of us can be a little shy around people we don’t know, so why not break that pattern and be someone different — the person who makes the first move to make a new friend?

4. Your Lack of Prejudice Toward Mental Health Issues

You are the generation that has totally changed the way society looks at people with mental health concerns. You are the generation that freely acknowledges your own mental health challenges and shares them with friends, family, and complete strangers, through Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, blogs, and a dozen other social media apps.

Your fresh perspective and ability to say, “Hey, this is no different than when a person has cancer or diabetes,” has helped to encourage millions of people to get treatment instead of hiding in the shadows. It has allowed your friends to reach out to you for help when they needed a caring ear. And it has allowed you to reach out when you needed help too, instead of cowering in shame.

5. Your Love of Technology

Your love of technology has helped transform the conversation about mental health. The battle I used to fight was one of simply educating people about the basics of mental illness — that it’s not a personal failing or character flaw. But technology has changed the conversation, starting more than 20 years ago with the web.

Technology has allowed us to talk about these issues in ways we never could’ve imagined a generation ago. It has created apps to help us improve our mental health, to track our moods on a daily basis, journal our thoughts and feelings, and share in social networks that foster support. Your embrace of technology has helped everyone who’s ever suffered, and provides a valuable tool for not only yourself (if you ever need it), but also millions of others.

* * *Enjoy college, and take these strengths with you. Remember, you are living during one of the most amazing times in history, and college becomes one of the fondest memories of most adults. Don’t throw away your shot.

Academic tasks can be challenging for kids with learning disabilities and related disorders (such as dyslexia, ADHD, Autism, etc.). If your child struggles with academic work, it makes sense that he tries to avoid doing the work or that he tries to rush through it to simply get it done and almost gives up trying to do quality work. Consider how it would be to have to do something that is so challenging for you day after day for many hours a day.If your child struggles with learning academically, consider using the following tips to help him learn to like learning at least a little bit more.

1. Use Positive ReinforcementPositive reinforcement is presenting something immediately after the behavior or activity of interest and then that behavior or activity happens more often in the future, as well. So, if you want your child to learn to spell and to hopefully not mind spelling, present something he enjoys such as video games immediately after one instance of spelling a word correctly. Then, build up how many words he needs to spell correctly in order to get the reinforcement.Also, do not provide the preferred activity (video games) unless the child completes the learning activity without any negative behaviors (like crying or whining). People don’t typically learn to enjoy something if they whine all the way through it. Additionally, whining/crying is a way of displaying that you don’t want to do something. We want the child to “want” to do the activity.

2. Use Behavior TrapsThe concept of behavior traps refers to how natural reinforcement contingencies can promote the development of new behaviors. This basically means that things that a person likes can support that person’s development of new skills and behaviors.For example, present reading opportunities within activities that your child enjoys, such as video games. Another example for a child who is learning to spell is to have your child learn to spell words that are meaningful to them. Again, if your child is interested in video games, find words that they often see in the game or words that are related to the game to have them practice.Albert and Heward (1996) described the use of behavior traps. They discuss the following five steps (excerpt from Amanda Yeager, M.A., BCBA, of Step by Step Academy):“1) Identify your prey—what academic/social areas does the student need the most help? Be sure to target behaviors that are relevant, functional, and behaviors that lend themselves to frequent practice opportunities2) Find powerful bait—what does the student like? Watch them when they’re alone or simply by asking the student and/or their parents and provide a variety for them to sample.3) Set the trap—place coveted materials in the student’s path. You can do this by forming classroom clubs, find classroom jobs for the student based off his/her interests, and/or enlist the help of his/her peers.4) Maintain your trap—Start small. Use variety and give your trap a break periodically5) Appraise your catch—assess the changes in the targeted skills frequently and directly. Make modifications or set another trap if ineffective.”​3. Decrease Response Effort and Decrease the Task to Reinforcement RatioIn addition to not providing the “reinforcement” until the learning task was completed without problem behavior (as in #1), also be sure to make the learning task as easy as possible at first to make sure that the child can be successful for a few times before you make it more challenging. This is decreasing the response effort. Then very slowly make the task a little bit more difficult.This is also related to decreasing the task to reinforcement ratio. For example, if your child is expected to sit through 3 academic worksheets before taking a break, let him complete only one quarter or one half of a worksheet and then take a break. And slowly build the task requirement up from there.This tip is meant to help your child experience more success academically so that he is more likely to feel that he can do it and maybe even have more of a chance to like learning once he realizes that it’s not so bad.The expectations for every child may be different. Consider how your child is currently doing and what your ultimate goal is when trying to figure out how easy to make his work or how much work he should do before you allow a preferred activity and so on. A Board Certified Behavior Analyst may also be able to assist you with your child’s learning if you are in search of more help.Regarding all 3 Tips, it is important to be consistent. You will rarely make long-term change in kids by only doing things differently one or a few times. Instead, be consistent and use the tips regularly and you are likely to see more improvement.

Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a serious psychiatric condition marked by a pattern of unstable and stormy relationships, an unformed sense of identity, chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom, unstable moods, and poor impulsive control in areas such as spending, eating, sex, and substance use.Fear surrounding real or imagined abandonment from loved ones is a profound concern for people with BPD and often is what underlies their destructive behaviors. Some people with BPD will go to dangerous lengths to avoid this fear, for example, by becoming suicidal or engaging in self-mutilation.Below are five of the more difficult symptoms of BPD:

unstable thinking/cognition (suspiciousness; tendency to dissociate when under stress)

Although this disorder may appear easy to self-diagnose, a valid diagnosis of BPD involves an extensive evaluation. BPD is a complex condition, but with appropriate treatment most people will show improvement within a year.Here are some facts and myths concerning BPD:FACT: Many people diagnosed with BPD also struggle with depression, anxiety disorders, substance abuse, and eating disorders.MYTH: People diagnosed with BPD are always difficult to deal with, likely to be physically aggressive, untreatable, depressed, or unable to live fulfilling and productive lives.These symptoms usually vary in their intensity. The majority of people diagnosed with BPD are genuinely very passionate, courageous, loyal, sensitive, thoughtful and intelligent individuals.FACT: BPD usually develops during adolescence or early adulthood. Trauma may be a factor in its development. Parental neglect and unstable family relationships also have been shown to contribute to an individual’s risk for developing this disorder. Other studies suggest BPD may also have a genetic component. It is thought that individuals may inherit their temperament along with specific personality traits, particularly impulsiveness and aggression.MYTH: BPD is untreatable. This is one of the most harmful misconceptions about BPD. In fact, the opposite is true. Current studies indicate that rates of recovery from BPD are much higher than previously thought.Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is one of the most common and effective treatment approaches for BPD. This modality teaches mindfulness (paying attention to the present), interpersonal effectiveness, distress tolerance, and emotion regulation.Other treatment options include cognitive-behavioral therapy, transference-focused psychotherapy (TFP), mentalization therapy (MBT) and schema-focused therapy. Additionally, family members of individuals diagnosed with BPD may also benefit from some kind of therapy. Family therapy can educate family members and loved ones about BPD and it can educate them about ways in which they can reduce their loved one’s symptoms.Developing a strong therapeutic relationship with a therapist that one trusts and feels safe and secure with is crucial for effective treatment of BPD. The therapist should make him- or herself available by phone, text, e-mail. or other means of communication in between sessions.Below are a few tips for coping with BPD:

Seek professional help and try to stick with treatment even when you feel discouraged.

One of the biggest challenges couples can run into during the holidays is family. This may be everything from too many familial commitments and traditions to a whole lot of unresolved conflict. Depending on your specific situation, it can take a toll on you personally, your partner and your relationship.You might even dread the holidays. You might even think there are no solutions or alternatives. But there’s always something you can do. Below, two relationship experts shared different strategies that can help. If these strategies don’t make sense for your situation or ring true for you, consider working with a couples therapist to help you navigate your specific situation.

Get creative.​Because couples and families are constantly evolving, “it’s important to reexamine every year how your holiday plans and traditions are working for you,” said Ashley Thorn, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah.For instance, she worked with a couple who was having issues navigating the holidays with their stepfamily. Each “side” wanted to spend the holidays the way they’d always done. This created tension in the whole family, and was especially hard for the couple to talk about.In therapy they discussed not trying to talk each other out of their traditions. Instead, they focused on what traditions they could share as an entire family, what traditions were better kept separate, and what new traditions they could create.“This gave the opportunity for the couple and the children to grow closer by sharing new things with each other, but also allowing room for them to keep some of what was theirs.”

Set boundaries.

“Too often, couples try too hard to accommodate everything that each other’s families want them to do,” Thorn said. “They end up running themselves ragged and resenting each other’s families.”She suggested talking about this as a couple. Figure out what’s feasible with your extended family, and communicate this to your loved ones. Set clear and firm boundaries, Thorn said. There’s a big myth that you have to be forceful or rude when setting boundaries. Remember that you can be sensitive and kind. For instance, you might tell your family that you love spending the holidays with them, but this year, you just can’t participate in everything.Thorn shared these other examples of communicating boundaries:

“We’re really looking forward to spending time with you, and we’re also looking forward to spending time with the other side of our family. Some of our traditions fall on the same evenings, so we’re going to need to trade off attending these events every other year in order to be able to share the holidays with everyone.”

“Throughout the month, we have several different commitments — family parties, church programs, work events, etc. It is important to us to try to balance all these different types of commitments, which means we may not always be able to attend every extended family event. We would really appreciate your sensitivity and understanding when this happens. We will do our best to celebrate as much as we can with you.”

Both Thorn and psychologist Susan Orenstein stressed the importance of putting your relationship and family first. Even if you don’t have kids, there may be special things that you’d like to do as a couple, Thorn said.

Work as a team.

It’s important for both partners to be “sensitive to each other’s needs, feelings, and ‘baggage,’” said Orenstein, Ph.D, founder and director of Orenstein Solutions in Cary, N.C. The holidays often trigger vulnerabilities, she said, which everyone has. In healthy intimate relationships, partners “don’t walk on eggshells or skirt the issues; we take care of them head on by working together with our partner as a team.”Couples also protect and take care of each other, she said.For instance, one of Orenstein’s clients had a conflict-ridden relationship with her mother. She wasn’t sure if she even wanted to visit her. Sometimes, she’d isolate herself. She even talked about “going to bed” starting in October, when family members began making plans. Her husband had no idea how to help. He felt like the issue was a landmine and tried to avoid talking about it whenever his wife brought it up. He worried that he made things even worse.Orenstein worked with the couple on spending the holidays on their terms. They decided to spend less time with the wife’s family. Instead of spending the entire weekend, they visited for a few hours. The wife was worried that she’d be pressured into staying. So they planned for an “exit strategy.”Orenstein noted that “when [her] mother said ‘can’t you stay longer?’ they already had a polite script prepared.” They also planned on him reassuring her about the decision, since she’d likely feel guilty for leaving early. And they made fun plans for afterward.(“By the way, he had a rocky relationship with his ex. They had the kids the next day, so it was his turn to get reassurance and her turn to help protect him.”)Orenstein also emphasized being patient with each other and offering to help. Don’t blame your partner when they’re stressed out, she said. Instead give them “a little slack, realizing it can be a tough time for them.”Again, don’t hesitate to see a couples therapist once or twice to help you navigate potential challenges proactively, Orenstein said.

Published by Paula Durlofsky, Ph.D., on PsychCentral​The holidays are fast upon us. In the blink of an eye, Thanksgiving Day, Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa, and New Year’s Eve will have already come and gone.Holidays bring much time spent with family from near and far, preparing and making elaborate holiday dinners and attending parties, buying expensive gifts to show loved ones how much we care and decorating our homes in holiday regalia. We may even find ourselves up late into the night baking cookies for our children’s teachers, our neighbors, and our co-workers and supervisors.There’s no denying that, despite the holidays being a special time to reconnect with family and friends, heightened expectations may lead to depression, anxiety, irritability, sleeplessness and exhaustion. And asking for help, even outside of the holiday season, is difficult for many of us to do.

Other major sources of holiday-related anxiety and depression are family conflicts, divorce, complicated blended family dynamics, and recent deaths of loved ones. Missing special family members brings about profound feelings of anxiety, grief and mourning.It is important not to ignore holiday season-related depression and anxiety. Taking positive steps toward minimizing unnecessary holiday-related stress increases our chances of having a happier and healthier holiday season. In most cases, holiday-related depression and anxiety can be lessened by striking a healthy balance between our expectations and our realities.Below are a few tips for reducing holiday season depression and anxiety:

Evaluate your holiday expectations.Decide which expectations are achievable and which are not. If you are working full-time and caring for young children, or caring for aging parents, volunteering to cook a large holiday dinner may not be doable, especially if you also want to enjoy it.

Be present when you are with your loved ones.Put away cell phones, computers, and other distractions so you can focus on the people who mean the most to you.

Be sure to get enough sleep.Research suggests that seven to nine hours of sleep a night significantly improves our ability to regulate our mood and improves our thinking and decision-making skills.

Delegate responsibility.Try to anticipate when and what you will need help with. Ask for help in advance. This will decrease your chance of setting yourself up for feeling frantic and overwhelmed. For example, ask your family to help you with cooking and cleanup. This is also a great opportunity for connecting and spending time together.

Make time for exercise.Exercising for 30 minutes a day, a minimum of three days per week, has consistently been shown to improve mood, sleep, and to reduce anxiety.

Set aside differences.Try to accept family members and friends as they are. When possible, set aside another time to sort out family conflicts and grievances.

Stick to a budget. Before buying all your gifts decide on a budget that’s right for you. Don’t feel guilty if your budget does not allow for elaborate gifts. Remember that love and happiness cannot be bought with an avalanche of gifts.​

Seek professional help if you need it.Despite your best efforts, if you find yourself still feeling sad, anxious, having physical complaints and unable to sleep, talk to a mental health professional.