8 Types of Facebook Profile Pictures

#3. Guilty. *hangs head in shame and refuses to look purpleeggplant4 in the eye* —Sparkitors

Facebook, by definition, is a social networking sight designed to connect you with your friends and family. Facebook, in practice, is a continuous flow of status updates, cyber gossip, and of course, the sometimes-attractive, sometimes-hideous, but always intriguing profile pictures. I have taken the liberty of classifying Facebook profile pics into 8 groups:

1. The I-spent-four-hours-alone-with-my-camera-to-get-this-picture-just-how-I-wanted-it. This is, by far, the most common profile pic you will spot. The taker is almost always alone, usually in her bedroom, and you can frequently catch a glimpse of her arm holding up the camera. Many times the perpetrator will be smiling awkwardly, as if someone had just sent her a banana in the mail.

2. The Helpless Romantic. This picture is 50% cute, 50% nauseating. It is usually the girlfriend's profile picture, but can occasionally be an overly clingy boy's. The couple will be sitting together, possible in the sunset. The boy's arm is around the girl in most, but occasionally the cute-nauseating meter is tipped in the latter direction where the couple is THIS close to making out. Garrrh...gagging...

3. The Inside Joke. These photos can be very confusing if you're not "in" on this joke. The photograph contains the person in some sort of strange position or making a very uncomfortable face. Perhaps the boy is dancing with a pineapple. Perhaps he is cutting a hole in his pants. Perhaps he is finger painting. Whatever the case, these pictures are usually very funny, even if you don't quite understand why he has such a passion for prickly fruits.

4. The I <3 Photoshop/Picnic!!!!!!!!!!!! These pictures are excessively Photoshopped and/or Picniced, as even a 2-year-old could tell. The people in the picture have perfectly airbrushed skin. Their eyes are a brilliant blue. Sometimes, as if to draw more attention to their edits, they put words on the photo, like, "Live," "Laugh," "Love," "Summer '09-Best one yet!," or even "Annie + Rosie = BFFLs!"

5. The Missing Persons. This is a picture of a random person, a celebrity, a cartoon character, or even an inanimate object. The profile picture's owner obviously finds this M.I.A. photo to be purely hi-LARIOUS, though nobody else seems to find it quite so amusing.

6. The Buddy-Buddy. These photos are of a bunch of friends, usually girls, all squeezing together in order to fit in that tiny shot. These pictures can get pretty darn annoying, especially if you see a lot of them. Even better, there are always 3420917436-some tags in the photo, many times of people/objects that aren't even in the picture. (In this photo: Jane Smith, DeeDee Adams, WHOSE HAND IS THIS?!?, Sharon McKinel, FUNNY KUMQUATS, Rachel Lee, I <3 ROBERT PATTINSON, Ally Jones, OBAMA, Caroline Williams, DAN BERGSTEIN.)

8. The Genuinely Good Picture. This is a rarity! If you find one of these, treasure it! These are purely gorgeous pictures. They are of people who do not act like they are pretty or handsome, and who know that they do not need Photoshop or their friends to point out their beauty. WARNING: If you yourself would like to make "The Genuinely Good Picture" as your own profile picture, do not—and I repeat, do NOT—try to take a billion pictures of yourself hoping that ONE will come out good—it never does (see #1).