Why does my guy friend do this to me i think he has a good heart and is generally a nice person but i have come to the conclusion he may actually hate me or not realise what he is doing. As we are quite close he will tell me when he is dating or seeing another girl.

When he is describing the girl he will make a special emphasis on the girls skin color and hair and he will basically glorify and magnify those particularly attributes especially attributes i don't have. Like he will say i met this girl who had LIGHT SKIN and REAL HAIR or like another example is when we went to a restaurant that i personally chose he said it was nice but he would never take ''his girls there (meaning girls he dates ) and i was like why not its a nice restaurant and he would be like nah all my girls are too ''ClASSY'' for this type of restaurant so does that mean i'm not classy,

i find that every new date he has he will go out of his way to let me know by always giving me a description that starts with shes LIGHT her hair is REAL and LONG or tell me her body was niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee and that she was small and petite how her ***** felt good. My Gut feeling is telling me that some how in a weird way he tell me these things to slyly get at me because of the way he says it, I am a black girl who does wear weaves and sometimes my natural hair, iam not lightskin either.

I have other male friends that describe there dates or girls they are seeing in a less in direct way and personal way. These comments are definitely hurtful as i believe i have been a good friend to him but i may just keep my distance. But then on the other hand he has introduced me to his dad and he is always there when i need him even when we were at uni and he was with his friends he would get rude to me at times and i thought that we would not be friends after uni but we still are . But why does he try and make me feel insecure? i mean he has made it clear iam not his type over and over again he also shows me pictures of his girls and to me personally they are not that great. Why is he doing this.

Sorry but this the number 1 reason I lost respect for AA men a long time ago. :(

This guy .. just likes rattling off about what he likes and does not give a darn if what he is saying hurts your feelings. You are the same as a brick wall .. just someone he can 'talk at'.

Certainly this guy .. is no 'friend' of yours.

He enjoys this crap ... makes him feel good about himself. Why does get keep doing this? Well, he is bragging about his ability to be with these women. He knows how you look - he's not blind .. he just does not give a dam.

So now it's on you .. because you have to ask yourself WHY you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. On the one side, he is is your 'friend' that really is an alright guy .. but on the other side ... he is CLEARLY disrespecting you as a woman so how can a friend treat you in such a manner?

(This is what happens with women in abusive romantic relationships ... he is great .. but then he treat her badly and they stay with him .. because they don't realize that a guy is NEVER supposed to treat her badly. DUH!)

You just need to get him out of your social circle and find people to hang out with that are not damaged in this manner. It's up to you to walk because he will never change .. he is messed up in the head and this is quite common in the AA community .. something else you should know... though folks try to pretend otherwise.

Sorry but this the number 1 reason I lost respect for AA men a long time ago. :(

This guy .. just likes rattling off about what he likes and does not give a darn if what he is saying hurts your feelings. You are the same as a brick wall .. just someone he can 'talk at'.

Certainly this guy .. is no 'friend' of yours.

He enjoys this crap ... makes him feel good about himself. Why does get keep doing this? Well, he is bragging about his ability to be with these women. He knows how you look - he's not blind .. he just does not give a dam.

So now it's on you .. because you have to ask yourself WHY you are talking out of both sides of your mouth. On the one side, he is is your 'friend' that really is an alright guy .. but on the other side ... he is CLEARLY disrespecting you as a woman so how can a friend treat you in such a manner?

(This is what happens with women in abusive romantic relationships ... he is great .. but then he treat her badly and they stay with him .. because they don't realize that a guy is NEVER supposed to treat her badly. DUH!)

You just need to get him out of your social circle and find people to hang out with that are not damaged in this manner. It's up to you to walk because he will never change .. he is messed up in the head and this is quite common in the AA community .. something else you should know... though folks try to pretend otherwise.

He might be one of those guys who wants to date light skin women as trophies to have on his arm, but want a dark skin woman on the side in the dark as a side piece. Maybe he saying that to make you feel insecure on purpose. Some dudes try to make women feel inadequate so they'll be fighting to "prove themselves" in the bed. Thank goodness you are too strong for that. He is no friend. Use that Brotha for your convenience when you need him for something and that's that. He knows what he's doing, guys are smarter than we give them credit for.

He's ignorant as hell, it doesn't make him look good and def doesn't make the girls he dates look good since all he can do is describe their looks and not their personalities or intelligence. if all he dated are light skinned and real hair women, then he doesn't need to keep describing them to you, you already know his type. Tell him to talk about something else.

I would bring to his attention what he is doing in a non defensive way. Maybe by asking him if ALL he requires is that a woman has lightskin and long hair. Then I would point out to him how superficial that is, then based on his reaction and what comes out his mouth next, I'd decide if I want to continue to be his friend. Only reason I would bring it to his attention is so he can see just how insensitive and ignorant he is being.

I've been in a situation similar to this. I had a platonic male friend for about 3 to 4 years. Originally he tried to talk to me and wanted to date me but I was not interested in him...Mainly because he's not my type mentally or physically. I let it be known several times that I only wanted to be platonic friends nothing more nothing less. Eventually he had no choice but to accept it. But over the years he's was constantly on my jock, saying eventually we're gonna be together, and saying "one day imma put a ring on your finger blah blah blah. But I'd shut it down every time and let him know I didn't see him like that.

Over the years I dated and had relationships, but he kept asking "damn when u gonna give me a chance etc". Sometimes I would talk about guys, and show him pictures of the guys I was dating at the time and he would always hate and make slick comments. Calling them "gay pretty boys" . So after a 4 yr friendship he finally came to the realization that I was never going to give him a chance. That's when his true colors came out.

I already knew from day one he was a grimey dude, but it didn't really faze me because he was always nice to me. Then he turned into a true assh0le. When we would talk he would constantly glorify Latinas and light skin chics as if that was supposed to make me jealous or feel insecure. Lmao. I'd be like dude GTFO no matter how hard u try, u can't make me feel insecure. I never felt that I had to be light skin in order to be attractive, because I've always been very pretty and I've always had high self esteem. Beauty comes in all shades, and nationalities. Thank God I was smart enough to know where the root of his hostility was coming from....its because I rejected him from day one. All this time dude was playing the friend role, thinking he could catch me at a weak vulnerable moment, then slide right in. Towards the end of our friendship he use to make soo many coon comments trying to get a reaction out of me. One night when we were chillin at my apartment he made the most disgusting coonistic comment, and I kicked him out my house!!

The more he would do this the less I would talk to him. It got to the point to where he would call me and I would purposely avoid answering his calls and text. Then finally one day I couldn't take it anymore, I had to let him know I was not going to tolerate this disrespect. I called him, letting him know as a friend I wanted to have a heart to heart talk about this issue. And dude flipped out on me. I was sitting there trying to talk to him and have a calm a logical conversation but no, he wanted to start cussing and acting like a hoodlum. So instead of arguing I just hung up the phone. Then about a hour later dude is on Facebook calling me all kindas of MFers! Even tho he didn't mention my name I knew he was talking about me. and I'm thinking wow, he was obviously never a real friend. So I sent him a personal message on facebook and let that n* have it !!! Then I ended the "friendship".

To the OP- I really think you should cut ties with this so called friend and just love him from a distance. He is clearly playing psychosocial games with u, and hes purposely trying to make u feel inadequate. There are some sick sadistic people in this world that enjoy controversy and making people feel bad about themselves. Dealing with people that suffer from The Willie Lynch Syndrome can be mentally damaging to the overall advancement of the human species. Its 2014, not 1865. If he prefers lightskin cool, but theres no need to gloat about it as if its some sort of badge of honor. And its blatantly insulting for him to take u to a restaurant, then say none of his girlfriends would entertain going there cause their on a higher level. That's basically saying your a Burger King combo, and the other chics he dates are a 5 Star meal from Ruth Chris. Please remove this oxymoron from your life.

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