By Smaktakula

Before You Say This Thing Is A Shameful Waste Of Resources, Ask Yourself: What If The Senior Prom Were Held Atop Mt. Kilimanjaro?

From 1992 until 2010, the Hummer was the most talked-about vehicle on the roads. The massive SUV, General Motors’ civilian version of the US Military’s High Mobility Multipurpose Wheeled Vehicle, or Humvee, was an object of admiration to off-road enthusiasts and to environmentalists, a garish icon of American rapacity. Although there remain a great many of these automotive behemoths on the road today, GM discontinued the line in 2010, and “Hummer” is quickly returning to its origins as a euphemism for oral sex.

This Oversized Child's Toy Reminds Us That You Can In Fact Have Too Much Money.

The Hummer has but two uses. It is a powerful and durable all-terrain vehicle, the perfect utility for that small percentage of the population which finds itself in conditions so inhospitable that such a conveyance is necessary. Or, it can serve as an artificial manhood for pitiable pencil dicks with good credit and a dearth of brains.*

IM HUMMN. Translation: "Ladies: Not Only Would I Like You To Believe I Am A Virile Sex-God, But Also That I'm Quite Witty."

Either way, a Hummer without a personalized plate screaming “Look At Me!” just isn’t a Hummer at all.

*Poorly-endowed halfwits without good credit often opt for TAPOUT accessories. ∞T.