CHS54.COM has moved HERE where Charlotte Central High School's graduates of 1954 now get together.
That was a special class at a very special time in history; the likes of which will never be seen again.
Ed Myers, aka Lee Shephard, is webmaster. Email is shephard@gmail.com

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Clams Don't Have Teeth

I see where Travon Martin's "hoodie" has been picked up by the Smithsonian Museum here in Washington. That doesn't surprise me; There are things stashed away in our "nation's attic" that you would never in a thousand years suspected had been saved.

For example locks of hair from our first 14 presidents.

Presidents Hair

Warren G.Harding's silk pajamas

Teddy Roosevelt's Teddy Bear

Harry Truman's bowling ball.

Dorothy's red shoes from the Wizard Of Oz

Archie Bunkers chair, etc.

Almost anything you can imagine is there. But, of course, the museum does turn away a huge amount of "offerings" every year. For example there's one fellow up in Newport, Rhode Island whose hobby apparently is searching his backyard for what he considers "treasures" to send to the Smithsonian.

He labels his exhibits with scientific names and ships them off to Washington.

His name is Scott Williams and the curators are familiar with him, having often faced the challenge of responding to him in writing. Their job is not an easy one:

Dear Mr. Williams, Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labelled
'93211-D, layer seven, next to the clothesline post... Hominid skull.'We
have given this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and
regret to inform you that we disagree with your theory that it
represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston
County two million years ago. Rather, it appears that what you have
found is
the head of a Barbie doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has
small children, believes to be 'Malibu Barbie.'It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the
analysis of this
specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar
with your prior work in the field were loathe to come to contradict
your findings. However, we do feel that there are a number of
physical attributes of the specimen which might have tipped you off to
its modern origin:1. The material is moulded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically fossilised bone. 2. The cranial capacity
of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimetres, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-hominids. 3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common
domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.This
latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you
have
submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems
to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail,
let us say that:1. The specimen looks like the head of a
Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on. 2. Clams don't
have teeth.It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we
must deny your request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is
partially due
to the heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly
due to carbon-datings notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic
record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were
produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly inaccurate results.Sadly,
we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science
Foundation Phylogeny Department with
the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name
Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought
tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was
ultimately
voted down because the species name you selected was hyphenated, and
didn't
really sound like it might be Latin.However, we gladly accept
your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the museum.
While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet
another riveting example of the great body of work you seem to
accumulate here so effortlessly. You should know that our Director has
reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display of the
specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and the
entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your
digs at the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.We
eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's
capital that you proposed in your last letter, and several of us are
pressing the Director to
pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your
theories surrounding the trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions
in a structural matrix that makes the excellent juvenile
Tyrannosaurus Rex femur you recently discovered take on the deceptive
appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.Yours in Science, Harvey Rowe Chief Curator-Antiquities

I hope you enjoyed that letter as much as I did!

It's a classic!

The fact that it's not true doesn't spoil it for me. I hope it doesn't for you either. It was what was called an "urban legend" that first appeared around 1994. It was conceived by a man actually named Dr' Harvey Rowe, and in my opinion was one of the best ever "urban myths" to circle around the globe on the Internet. -Ed

Ozymandias

`My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair!'

Keep on Tooting

WISDOM FROM STEVE JOBS

Your Time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.

Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition.

They somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.

-Steve Jobs

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