Your Guide to Gothic Drinking

As Houston Press's resident goth, back-cracker, and hydroponist, we remain the expert on all things dark and spooky. Also, as a writer we can assure you that we know a thing or three about drinking. They say that the answer isn't in the bottom of a bottle, but we have a sneaking suspicion that that little bon meh comes from people who just weren't looking hard enough.

Each sub-culture has its own particular drinking patterns. The hipsters swig PBR, the rockabilly set has their martinis, and the Mormons eat a salad consisting of carrots and raisins because their God is weird. Should you find yourself out on the town with the goths, or perhaps at a house party, here's what you can expect when it comes to alcoholic selection.

Wine

Mick Stephenson

All goths like their wine, and even though we know it's cliché, red is vastly preferred over white, though a dry white is rarely turned down. Champagne is almost universally avoided since as a rule goths are not a bubbly lot.

Few goths we know are out and out wine freaks, and you're not likely to ever see two of us arguing over vintages. Most are content with grocery store stock in the $10 to $20 a bottle range, and box wine is perfectly acceptable, or even preferred by the more frugal goths. Drinking cheap is always better than looking cheap. Merlot is more popular than Cabernet when entertaining at home, with Malbec and Pinot Noir being the more likely dinner choices.

No goth drinks wine at a bar unless they have good wine glasses, as presentation is as important as drinkability. Rummage through any goth's cupboard, and you'll find a variety of decorative glasses and goblets with spider web or skull motifs.

Under no circumstances should you ever buy Halloween-themed wine like Vampire or Werewolf. That shit is undrinkable, and we fall for it every year.

Beer

Jon Sullivan

On the opposite side of the spectrum in terms haughtiness, goths are in general very picky when it comes to beer. Most will look down their nose at American beers. Thick German brews that almost require chewing are the draft of choice. Guinness is also popular.

That said, beer is a somewhat seasonal drink down here in the south. When you're dressed head to toe in leather and satin, you're not going to be in the mood for a thick stout. The dedicated beer drinkers usually turn to Rolling Rock in the summer months.

Hard ciders are increasingly popular, with Ace being the best brand and only the truly desperate drinking Hornsby.

Thank you Jeff. This post reminds me of my youth when I was a faux 90s goth. My parents hated my black hair and army jacket. And the movie The Crow - they really hated that. My goth firneds and I mostly did straight shots of whiskey or scotch other things that we deemed badass.