Miltons Pimp My Look

Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.

This Week’s Contestant

Reader Email

Pres,

This is our “friend”, Almeida, aka Fat Trash, but he calls himself Almeida the Great for some reason. He’s called fat trash because he has a habit of passing out at parties and getting trash dumped on him, as you will see from one of the pictures. He’s by far the biggest asshole I know and quite possibly one of the worst human beings on earth, but for some reason girls think he’s a “nice guy”, AKA friend zone. Anyways, he’s a portagee whose parents barely speak English. His dad owns a little restaurant in New Bedford called Miguel’s, and he’s the fucking man. A few years ago, he scratched off a $20 scratch ticket and won $10 million. He got cancer a year later but beat the shit out of it, and now his shitty son is set to take over the business and unfortunately be richer than all of us. He wears camo on the reg and calling him stylish would be like calling Casey Anthony innocent.