Throughout my life, my father was never one to handle the finances, as his idea of keeping a checkbook balance was just the carbon copies of his checks and never using the register, and now all he does is goes online and checks his balance without thinking about whether all checks have been through.

I went to college for accounting, but in order to continue to care for him had to withdraw with only 14 credit hours left but out of money trying to keep everything going.

Over this past year I tried to explain to him that he should have sold a coin collection he had, but he kept refusing the offers, saying they were worth more, though I know they weren't. I also tried to explain that he had no need to try to hide the trust he was part of as it would not affect his SSDI. When he was chosen to be the next trustee after his mother passed, he turned it down saying that it would hurt his income, and now with his inheritance, he seems to think the attorney found a way to "hide" it when it was only put into a trust that he did not even receive a copy of the terms of. I have tried to explain that those would not affect him as SSDI is not needs based and income from capital gains and other non work income does not count against it.

Anyways, now he sits here with the coins, values at an all time low of 30 years, and is now mad about the values dropping which I warned him of, but still will not listen to any other info I have.

The DPOA paperwork that we set up is extremely broad, allowing me to make changes to any investments, accounts and property, and am wondering if I should just make the decision, which is to apply for a loan for a home for him, but am worried that he will be angry as he has a tendency to be short tempered. All of this is in the best interests of him, but I don't think he understands that his current condition is going to kill him.

We both live together and last year had to find a house due to a forced eviction. The only place we thought we could afford turns out the landlord has not finished a single repair that was promised, half of the house has no heat (the bedrooms) and the other half struggles. I have to spend a lot of money to keep the mice and cockroaches out of the house and our electric bill costs more than our rent due to having to use space heaters.

I cannot afford a loan as I am on SSDI also and only get half as much as he does but I am thinking that I may need to step up and make the decision for him. If he wants after that I guess he can remove me as DPOA. Does anyone else have an idea?

4 Answers

CountryMouse wrote a terrific response. I won't repeat everything she said, but I'll add that it is just slightly possible, but worth a try, if you can take your dad to a financial counselor. Many communities have non-profits that do this on a sliding scale. He may take financial advice from others rather than you simply because elders often resist "advice" from their adult children. They feel humiliated and get stubborn. Look into third party advice and see if that helps.Good luck,Carol

Does your father have capacity, yes or no? If he has capacity, you cannot act without his agreement. If he does not have capacity, you have a duty to act in his best interests with or without his agreement (though preferably with, of course, which will take some patient negotiation by the sound of it).

If you think he would be able to remove you as DPOA, then you must also think he has capacity - he wouldn't be able to if he hadn't.

Forget the coins. Unless you're talking about a world famous collection the amount of money they would or would not have raised is not going to make an appreciable difference on the house-price scale of things. Irritating - but hey! Sooner or later the market is sure to swing up again, and meanwhile he can enjoy studying his collection.

I can understand how annoying and insulting it must feel to you that your father is ignoring your advice on a subject you've had formal training in; and the last thing I'd want to do is make that worse. But can I very gently suggest that this is a really complex situation, and you don't want to bite off more than you can chew? Maybe you made some contacts during your course, or what about professionals involved in the paperwork you mention - is there anybody you could ask, perhaps, to carry out a comprehensive assessment of your and your father's joint financial situation and come up with a manageable plan? You'd still have plenty of input, your father might actually listen if you had outside back-up, and you'd get extra peace of mind from consulting an experienced, objective advisor.

You're caring for your father, you've got all the stresses and worry to deal with, you're in a precarious financial situation yourself - I think you're entitled to all the advice and support you can lay your hands on, don't you? Time to call for back up. Best of luck, and I hope things start to turn around for you x

As far as capacity, it is a little iffy, as he has never had the knowledge on handling anything financial, on the farm, all financial matters were handled by my grandmother and grandfather, at home, my mother until the divorce. Afterwards he never took out loans, so has little experience financially. As far as capacity to conduct business, he never has and is still unwilling to, I do all of the dealings with his landlord, his bills and any legal letters I draft up.

As for the coins, they are extremely sought after, and at a minimum, in fine condition. The coins alone could have paid over 50% down on a $100,000 house.

As for the assessment, I have a spreadsheet that I maintain all debts, expenses incurred, the ideal budget percentages compared to what we actually pay plus my personal debt to asset ratio. Basically, it is not an issue of overspending in any situation, the bills and the hazards of this house are just too high.

He has given me the consent to go apply for a loan to check his eligibility with my bank and I plan to start from there, if his FICO is ok and income sufficient we will take the next step to check into the coins.

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