03/08/2015

I worry about the future of cycling. I know the death rates for the peddle-powered in London are too high, but that's not what I'm talking about. I know the air conditions in many nations make cycling unhealthy, but that's not the topic here today either. I'm talking about nudity.

It seems like every time cycling is in the news lately it's because of the cyclists getting their kit off. There have been a series of nude bike rides across the UK, which show both commitment to a cause and a lack of thinking about how saddles work.

There was one in Kent where a man was spoken to by the police for enjoying it too much. In the newspapers people organising the nude bike ride also frowned upon this man, so the message because “we should be free to go naked wherever we want, the human body is a beautiful thing... unless it's a turned on man, in which case it's hideous.”

And now more bare-arsed cycling has hit the news. A naked cyclist spotted pedalling down country lane by stunned photographer, and seeing as he had his camera with him, yep, he took a pic.

It's an odd one because I'm not really in favour of people riding down the lanes I might be on with their saggy wedding parts hanging out but at the same time I think taking a picture of a person's nude body without their permission might be a bigger crime.

I can hear the disagreement now.

PERSON: “But it was in a public place.”
ME: “So you think you can photograph anything if it's out in public?”
PERSON: “Yeah.”
ME: “So if I took pictures of all the breastfeeding mothers I could spot that would be OK?”
PERSON: “Don't be ridiculous, that would be out of order. Breastfeeding is perfectly natural, why would you do a thing like that?”
ME: “I wouldn't, I was making a point.”
PERSON: “I think women are under too much pressure to breastfeed.”
ME: “We've gone off topic.”
PERSON: “Oh, so you don't even want to talk about it. You prude.”
ME: “I'm a prude? You're the one stopping me from making a Pinterest of all the pics I'd take.”

Yeah, I get into a lot of arguments with people who can't hold two points in their heads at once.

The picture in the news (no, I'm not showing it here, anymore than I would the Jennifer Lawrence hacked nude selfies) was taken on a country lane close to Chatsworth House, in the Peak District, at 6am on a Sunday.

If I were the subject in that snap I'd either complain that it was reproduced in newspapers or, more likely, I'd complain that the time and place wasn't given prominent placement near the pic. That would be quite a cold morning. And that context matters.