Some will balk at the question - and of course, who a person finds attractive is entirely a matter for them. But while that is true on an individual basis, when you look at the bigger picture the question is valid: for while most men choose a partner of the same race or cultural background, black men are much more likely to marry a different-race partner, and in most cases a white one.

According to the most recent National Survey of Ethnic Minorities, half of Caribbean-origin men had a white partner, and 40% of Caribbean origin children had one white parent. In contrast, 80% of Asian men had same-race partners. "For most of us, the mixing of races is the inevitable result of socialising in big cities," says the writer Sophie Radice. True. In fact, white female fascination with black men, and vice versa, is as old as slavery and stereotypes of the black male libido.

But what is happening now is not the result of random, individual choice but a manifestation of a rejection of black women. Sure, you hear all the cliche rhetoric about "I don't see colour" or "love is colour-blind", but not even the person saying it believes a word of it. The unfortunate bottom line is that most of these "brothers" think their sistas are an inferior product. What makes the situation galling is that rather than accept that's how they see things, the men try and come up with a thousand reasons why black women are their own worst enemies.

When black journalist David Matthews explained in an Evening Standard column why he dated only white women, predictably it wasn't because he thought white women were "better". It was simply that black women had so much "wrong" with them.

Dr Grace Cornish, psychologist and author of 10 Good Choices That Empower Black Women's Lives, knows the reason for the self-denial. "A lot of black men struggle to reach a certain level, and they never feel they have reached the level of their white counterparts," she says. "They feel they need a white woman as part of that lifestyle. These are the ones who have a backlash against black women. They have not dealt with their own internal anger. Instead, they see the opposite sex within their own race as the problem."

Some would argue that because so many images in the modern world portray beauty and status as being manifested in Europeans it is not surprising that black men will have white partners. But if that's the explanation, why, compared to black men, do relatively few Indian, Chinese or Pakistani men choose white women? After all, they are exposed to the same Eurocentric cultural bias as us Caribbean males. No, our partner-choosing habits have more to do with self-loathing and lack of sista love. So what has made the situation in which half of black British males refuse to have a black wife or girlfriend? The explanations are wide-ranging and complex.

Alienation between black men and women goes as far back as the "divide and rule" days of slavery, when traditional family structures were broken up. Look at post-apartheid South Africa, which has the highest recorded number of rapes in Africa, to see the legacy official practices of destroying family structures can have on black male-female relationships.

Decades of racial repression and, more recently, the breakdown of solidarity among black communities, have helped create a climate of lack of self-respect among black males. One only needs to listen to the typical "Ho, bitch, nigga" lyrical content of the average rap record to realise that black self-hatred is alive and well.

A growing number of black women are fed up waiting for their black knight in shining armour, who is more interested in rescuing Rapunzel. The most recent UK figures showed that 30% of black Caribbean women have white partners. I asked a prominent Asian businessman why so many in his community had prospered in the west. "We have strong family structures and support," he said. Sadly, the same cannot be said for the black population. With most black children being raised in single-parent households and so many boys - in the absence of a black father-figure - growing up to fail, it is clear why building strong black male-female relationships is vital. Without this in place, what social or economic hope is there for the black community's next generation?