Love: it’s not for everyone. Who has time for all that yearning, pining and ‘I-can’t-live-without-you’s, what with all the heatwaves, storms, Magaluf sex scandals and cabinet reshuffles we have to somehow find the time to moan about?

But never fear! If you get the good, non-psychotic, requited sort of love, then you get to reap all these benefits…

1. It’s a legal high

Euphoria may swing from mild warm feelings of dreaminess right through to resounding dongs of joy tumbling through your body. And it’s perfectly legal.

2. It can be a natural weight loss supplement

You are far too busy explaining how ardently you love and admire each other to waste time doing anything so frivolous as eating.

3. … and a practically acceptable weight gain excuse

Eating that extra bag of crisps feels sanctioned when the love of your life is doing it too. Friends will wink and say kind things like ‘Ahh, you’re getting comfortable together.’ You’ll feel happy to hear this, rather than the more traditional urge to punch them.

4. Your self esteem will rocket

Because you’re constantly heaping compliments and reassurances of your love onto each other. Bear in mind that this has a negative impact on the will to live of the poor b*stards watching you.

5. You love everyone…

And you’re extra kind to people, which irritates them enormously. If only everyone could be as happy as you…

6. …Although you can’t be bothered seeing them anymore

THE BIRTHDAY OF MY LIFE IS COME. You’ll have to come back later.

7. Your friendship circle widens

Mi casa es tu casa.

8. You grow as a person

You try each other’s hobbies, achieve new levels of tolerance, and most importantly you learn to love yourself.

Well… You try badminton once, don’t scream when she puts milk in your cup before the hot water, and your self-loathing diminishes to a gentle, rolling simmer.