May 30, 2007

TTMMTWTH #2

There's something therapeutic (or self-indulgent, I can't decide which) about creating a list of strange things in this world and sharing it with the Internet. In the spirit of ranting making the world a better place, I'd like to add a few more thoughts to Things That Make Me Think 'What The Hell?' ("TTMMTWTH") Part Deux:

1.) The Old-English-ization of words, especially "faire" and "shoppe." What about the modern English spelling wasn't sufficient for conveying the message of your establishment or event? For example, in Bloomington, Indiana, I always drove past a pharmacy called the Medicine Shoppe. I don't know about you, but hearkening back to Medieval times in regards to health care doesn't make me feel too confident about the treatment I am to receive. Like, if I wanted a historically whimsical medical experience, I would have drilled the problem out myself with a rusty corkscrew. Or taken herbs like "mugwort" and consumed a jug of mead.

2.) Related: what's up with Renaissance Fair(e)s? It creeps me out when people dress like the cast of Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves and speak in Cockney accents that are not their own. I'm going out on a limb here, but if you have a codpiece on or identify strongly with a wood nymph, thou havest issues and needest some therappe.

3.) Stealing one's rightful seat on an airplane. I hand-picked the window seat on a flight from Louisiana to Memphis this past weekend, and arrived at my aisle to find what one might call a "fratty" in seat 21-F. I told him politely that he was in my seat, and he replied with, "Yeah, but does it really matter?" in the manner that only a diminutive 22 year old in a backwards Abercrombie cap and popped-collar polo could. Well, yeah, now that you mention it, sitting by the window on a 1.5 hour flight isn't quite as important as, say, eradicating HIV and feeding the hungry orphans of the world, or even finally picking up my dry cleaning, but it would be both a) righteous and b) nice. Deciding not to deal with eye-rolling or huffing from a guy who's best skill in life probably involves an XBox and a Natural Light, I graciously took the aisle seat and hoped that his lady-talking skills improved someday so he could communicate with more than just the latest issue of Maxim. As they say, DING DONG!