Have you been staring at that half-full (or is it 2/4 empty?) bottle of Vicodin sitting on your bedside table and wondering, “Should I throw this in the trash, take a bunch and pretend I’m Hugh Laurie, or sell them to some college kids for a huge profit?” If so, then the Drug Enforcement Agency has an answer: Give the pills to them during this weekend’s National Take-Back Day.

If there’s one thing every crack dealer hates, it’s being paid in Monopoly money. A 33-year-old man in Wichita, KS, was pulled over by officers last week and found bleeding from the head. He told police he’d just been tricked by his angry crack dealer into coming over to his house, whereupon the dealer pistol whipped his face. According to the police report, the victim told them that “a couple of weeks ago he bought several hundred dollars of crack-cocaine with Monopoly money and now the dealer was ready for pay back.”

In response to the epidemic of opiate addiction, Purdue Phrama LP the maker of Oxycontin, has developed a new version of the powerful painkiller that’s “harder to abuse.” According to an AP article, the government will soon be examining this new incarnation of the drug and evaluating the manufacturer’s lofty claims. How could this drug be made “abuse-resistant?” Details, inside…