I like to knit; I like to drink; I like to knit and drink at the same time;
Maybe we can knit and drink together?

Thursday, November 16, 2006

100 odd things about a very odd child

To continue to bore, erm, I mean enthrall you, I will share some 'facts' about the little person that was once ME

100) when I was little, I wanted to be a veterinarian. Then, a well-meaning relative explained that vets had to euthanize animals some times... Way to blow my illusions, there99) if I could have, I would have had a herd of goats, donkeys and mules. They would have been my friends and we would have spent happy days, roaming together98) I did not like ice cream but I did eat it on occasion97) my older brother (who knew I hated anything but chocolate cake) would insist on a fruit-flavored (usually orange or lemon) cake for his birthday - I mean, really?!? What 6 year old wants a fruit-flavored cake! I thought that he asked for it just to piss me off. It's a Glen thing...96) I loved to ride until Gypsy kicked me and sent me flying over the corral. I never wanted to ride after that - it was a equine betrayal that I am still recovering from *sob*95) I read every book in my parents'/ grandparents'/aunt's houses and most of my local library's, too - I was very, very bored94) we played Sgt. Blood in the woods behind our house - hey, it was VietNow and we were heavily influenced by what was happening around us. It was sheer luck that mom never found out that we were glorifying that 'conflict' in our play - if she had, we would have to endure hours of lectures about Nixon & Evil & Big Business & dead people. Yeah, mom is a lot fun when she's on a soapbox....I think that the 60s altered her brain chemistry93) I did not watch TV very often and was usually out of the loop when classmates discussed the latest TV craze. I've since made up for my TV deficiency92) I taught myself to knit by watching other people do it - my first attempts were pretty funny - mostly holes and knots, with a few tangles thrown in for good measure91) when I was a teenager, my aunt Marge used to host garden parties and she had Pierre E. Trudeau over on many, many occasions. I thought that he looked like the Grinch; the ladies thought that he was hot. He did ooze charisma and you just knew that he realllllly liked the ladies90) we used to mix up the leftover drinks after my parents' parties and swill them. They tasted much better after we learned to strain out the cig/joint butts. My brother still blames his hatred of liquor on these experiments - ever the iconoclast, I thank them for my love of drink89) my father played in various bar bands and I knew every drumstick stroke and guitar lick to the classics - if you wake me up from a deep sleep and start a verse of "Johnny Be Goode", I finish it and go back to sleep. Yup, nothing but talent...totally unmarketable talent88) one of my hobbies as a youngster was running away - sometimes, I was found and brought home right away. Other times, I managed to elude capture and spent hours/ days away. It was an odd compulsion that I cannot really explain87) I knew more about fabric than most adults and could recite the virtues of a good wool (to the amusement of the tailors in mein Z's shop)86) I hated elementary school WITH A PASSION - children talking about child-things was boring and intimidating. No one ever mentioned the news or politics or philosophy. I was sure that they were all in-bred or just really really stupid (I was a bumptious child)85) I started skiing when I was 2.5 years old - I skied with the "big kids" every weekend and could keep up with them, no matter what terrain. It still makes me happy to think of all 8 - 10 of us, blonde & wind-burned. Our German/ Austrian/ Swiss community bred good skiers and we were among the best84) we had a beagle named 'Baron' who never liked to stay home and was always out, hunting - he probably had another home somewhere83) I had a black Persian, named "Charlie" after my step-father, Carl (strange family, yeah I know) - he was one of the great feline loves of my life and never failed to be my friend82) I had a copper 'cheetah' bicycle with a banana seat, high handlebars and sissy bar; my older brother had a black'charger' (the same bike, in a different color and with different stickers). He taught me how to ride it, after everyone else had given up on me81) I couldn't tie my shoes until I was a teenager... LDs run in my overly-creative family80) one of my favorite foods was pickled beets - mein Bubby made them especially for me; no one else ate them79) we had a cocker spaniel named "Taffy" who was the goofiest dog on earth. I'm sure that he also possessed the smallest canine brain ever recorded78) my father had an old tomcat named "Kimber" who used to climb onto the balcony attached to my room, via the clothesline pole. Once, he climbed it with a muskrat trap on his paw. He was a tough old dude77) I read every Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys and Laura Ingalls Wilder book that there was. I wanted to live in a sod house on the banks of Plum Creek, pick berries all day and fall asleep under an eiderdown, just like Laura76) I had a crush on Levon Helm - he recorded next to our home when I was 5 and even then, I knew what I liked. I liked Levon. It was a one-sided love...75) my parents bought a TV so that we could watch the moon landing - it was just about my birthday and I was sure that the TV was my present. Little did I know that it would remain shut off for most of the time (see point #93)74) right after the moon landing, we went camping and I woke up every hour to ask, 'is I 5 yet?' - I was told to back to sleep but several very grumpy adults and many, many grumpy children. I guess I wasn't 5 yet73) I was (and still am) disturbed by monkeys. Apes, I can handle (just look at my dating record) but monkeys scare the crap out of me. Bet I could take one now, though. I'm much tougher than when I was 472) My grandparents never stopped reminding all of us that we were theirs. They had lost so many family members by the time that we came along. I think that we gave them hope71) when I was 8, my feet were a size 10 ladies. We went to buy school shoes and a sales clerk at a very upscale shoe store told my mother that, '(we) don't carry anything THAT BIG'. It scarred me for a while70) I was in a hurry to grow up and time was moving very, very slowly69) I was the third July baby that my parents’ gave birth to – three cancer children argh! My sister died before I was born and my mother has never stopped grieving, I think68) we had a yard full of red poppies when I was very, very little and I still dream about our hill, covered in soft, red blooms67) when I was 2, we went to a country fair and my parents lost me. They found me, asleep standing up hugging the leg of a very large draught horse, who seemed to like having me in his stall66) when I was about 5 or 6, my father let me go out into the water in a large, black inner tube. I slipped through the hole when he wasn’t paying attention and was gone when they pulled me out of the water. I still dream about all of the colors that I saw while I was out of it65) I wanted to be a mother since I can remember64) my first language was German, mixed with Yiddish; then, I learned French and finally, English. I still don’t speak any of those languages clearly63) I really wanted a turtle for a pet but I wasn’t allowed to have one because of a salmonella scare. I was distraught62) my favorite candy was brown and tan peppermint sticks that were wrapped in cellophane and had a sticker of a lion on it. Yummmmmmy61) I once went to friend’s house for “BBQ” and asked for a hot dog; they laughed at me and slipped a bun with dripping meat into my grubby, little hand. I soon learned what real BBQ was60) I hated my first name A LOT, A LOT, A LOT.59) I sang along to every song that was played on the radio but I didn’t know that my father was secretly taping me. I now know that I DID NOT know all the lyrics and often deviated greatly from the songwriters’ intent58) I watched Star Trek every Sunday morning, without fail. It was my favorite57) my middle name comes from my favorite great-aunt, Birdie. My father loved her, like a mother and she was very kind. When he wanted something to read, he would go to her house and she let him take whatever he wanted, as long as he reported back to her about what he had read56) my father’s father was a funny, old man. When he was dying, he looked like a desiccated old bird. I felt guilty thinking that on the drive home one day. I think he would have cracked up to hear that55) my father’s mother was a strong lady who left behind a socialite’s life to move to a farm and raise 5 kids. She did a good job54) my mother’s father hiked out of their country for 6 weeks with his mother and siblings, looking for safety. They were special people. I always pictured the Sound of Music when I pictured this event in our lives53) I wanted grapes BADLY when I was little but in support of migrant workers, we weren’t allowed to buy them. I cried and cried and cried and cried. It didn’t convince my parents to buy them, though52) I once picked a big bunch of goldenrod for my mother’s birthday – she asked me if I wanted her to die. I said, “I don’t think so” (I really don’t think I understood what she meant at the time. Her allergies were pretty bad...)51) I once whipped a boy with a skipping rope because he teased my brother. I nearly blinded him and I was recalcitrant when I was punished for it50) I was our school’s dodgeball champ, three years in a row. I couldn’t throw a ball worth shit but I sure could dodge….49) My grandmother moved to England when she was 12, to live with her aunt and uncle after her father was arrested for helping the rebels in her county. As a doctor, he couldn't stand by when someone had come to him to have a bullet removed. He paid a heavy price for repsecting his oath but i don't know if and when he was released. My mother and my aunt only whispered about it but no one ever discussed it at length; they'd be livid if they knew that was sharing this family secret. Their generation is 'different'48) My grandparents met at a Displaced Persons dance and fell in love at first sight. I found this concept very confusing when I was a child; I still find it confusing47) I wanted to fly more than anything... I'm still waiting on this one