I really want some sleep...

12-05-2010, 11:27 PM

Right now we co-sleep with our 4yo and 2yo. Number three is due the end of May (Squee!) Both moved to their own beds pretty easily, and slept with us one night a week. But with daycare and my hours changing and other lifestyle changes they want to sleep with us every night now.

I figure it's the least I can do to make them feel safe. My daughter (the 4yo), now says she's scared every time she's in her bed at night and I want to honor her feelings and trust that she really is scared, but I know she's not. She just wants to sleep with us. No biggie, I'm ok with it. And my son is a snuggle junkie so he wants to be in on the action.

My question is this. How the heck am I supposed to sleep? Neither of them will sleep parallel with me and my husband. There's always a toe in my ear or my back or hubby's back, or I wake up to my son petting my face. Melts my heart, but I am SO tired, and being pregnant doesn't help that at all. Are there ways to get them to sleep in one spot? (HA!)

My theory is that if we just ride it out and meet the needs, eventually they will sleep in their bed again. Is it unrealistic to hope that they'll be ok with it by the time the baby comes?

Is there a way to meet in the middle...a way to meet their needs for closeness and security at night, as well as your need for physical space to sleep? Can you make up small beds on the floor for them in your room? Can you agree to start the night in their own rooms, but let them know they are invited to come into your room if/ when they wake up at night (and sleep on the floor)? Can you extend their bedtime routine to include a few more minutes of cuddling/ connecting while tucking them in?

Telling you she's scared at night might not be what's really going on, but it's a way of communicating to you that she's needing some connection at night. It might not be exactly what's she's feeling, but it makes the most sense to her to say...something she knows you'll understand.

You might let her know that you love being with her at night, but sleeping with everyone in the same bed is really difficult for you, and she if she suggests any solutions...

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We ended up with them falling asleep in our bed and moving to theirs, with an open invitation for middle of the night. Snuggles have always been a huge part of our night time routine. Snuggles, teeth, potty, story, more snuggles, water, then prayers and more snuggles. Followed by smooches and hugs (can't have just one). I think we're going to look for some cots to put in the room and start saving up, since they'll be handy for camping too. And I know that once the baby is here and the baby is sleeping with us then they'll really want to be in there.

My daughter's new favorite thing is matching, so I told her the hard part about sleeping together is we don't all match when we sleep, that some of us go sideways, and some upside down. She seemed to understand, and I think we've figured it out for now.

Thank you so much for the support.

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My daughter's new favorite thing is matching, so I told her the hard part about sleeping together is we don't all match when we sleep, that some of us go sideways, and some upside down. She seemed to understand, and I think we've figured it out for now.

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We have moved our guest bed into our room, so that we have two queen sized beds next to each other. It means that the room is squashed, but at least now there is room for us all to sleep. My husband and nearly nine year old sleep in one bed. Then our middle son, then me, and then our 15 month old toddler. So it's child, adult, child, adult, child.
I don't know what the horizontal/diagonal sleep thing is with children - but it took our older two ages to sleep parallel to us.
Hope something here helps,

kloppenmum.wordpress.com

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I wish we had room to move another bed in, but thankfully we have a king size bed. I'm a light sleeper anyway, so I hear them in their room too. It really does make me feel better to be able to roll over and snuggle them if need be.

I was tired one day and mentioned to an acquaintance that my kids sleep in our bed. Her response was that I'd better put a stop to that. It just felt so WRONG and right then and there I knew we were making the right decision. My husband and I talk about the decision regularly to be sure we're both on the same page.

I do have to admit I'm a bit concerned how it will work out when the baby gets here, but I've got many months and a LOT will change in that time.

Thankfully I have found a supportive community, and, cheesy as it sounds, my calling, in AP.

Thankfully I have found a supportive community, and, cheesy as it sounds, my calling, in AP.

Not at all, I'm right there with you!

You're right that you do have some time to figure it out and see how things change. The things about having kids is there's alwasy a lot to anticipate and worry about, but when it comes right down to it, you just...make it work. You know you're not going to let anyone's needs go unmet, so have faith that it will all work out...you'll figure out together what works best for everyone. And this time does pass...you won't be tired forever! Hang in there