Bible Beatershttps://canadacomedy.ca/category/shows/biblebeaters/
Bible Beaters – Religion Comedy Podcast
Mon, 18 Mar 2019 19:21:27 +0000 en-US
hourly
1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.1.1Most people haven't read the whole bible, we think you should so we're doing it for you! The hosts are overqualified, Ones mom is a famous prophet and evangelist the other hasn't even cracked the cover. Start at the beginning or jump into the middle! New episodes released every Monday.Canada ComedyyesepisodicCanada Comedycanadacomedyca@gmail.comcanadacomedyca@gmail.com (Canada Comedy)Most religious people haven't read the whole bible, we think you should so we're doing it for you!Bible Beatershttps://canadacomedy.ca/wp-content/uploads/powerpress/Bible_Logo_Itunes.pnghttps://canadacomedy.ca/category/shows/biblebeaters/
YesTV-MAIn The Beginning – (Genesis 1-2)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-episode-001/
Thu, 04 Jan 2018 06:19:47 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=189EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. We go over the first week in existence and […]

]]>EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. We go over the first week in existence and why the liquor stores close early on Sundays. Adam gets settled into the garden of Eden and Eve comes along causing trouble in paradise.

]]>EP1 (Genesis 1-2) of the Bible Beaters podcast Kyle and Caleb explain (poorly) the idea behind the podcast and a little bit about themselves. Then they go back into the beginning of time starting Genesis 1:1 In the beginning God created the heavens and...Canada Comedy11yes56:00All The Wrong Answershttps://canadacomedy.ca/all-the-wrong-answers/
Mon, 18 Mar 2019 00:01:46 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=954EP66

]]>EP66
EP66]]>Canada Comedy59yes1:00:07Make god Great Again (Deuteronomy 10-11)https://canadacomedy.ca/make-god-great-again/
https://canadacomedy.ca/make-god-great-again/#respondMon, 11 Mar 2019 21:27:20 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=950EP65 (Deuteronomy 10-11) Caleb has a new hat that sparks great controversy. Moses has to remake some tablets for god to write his commandments on because Moses smashed the first ones. We learn that god is completely impartial and that he has chosen the Jews over everyone else in his perfect impartiality. Kyle gets pretty […]

]]>EP65 (Deuteronomy 10-11) Caleb has a new hat that sparks great controversy. Moses has to remake some tablets for god to write his commandments on because Moses smashed the first ones. We learn that god is completely impartial and that he has chosen the Jews over everyone else in his perfect impartiality. Kyle gets pretty hung up on which parts of the bible god meant and didn’t mean. One of our unfaithful listeners asks if its ok to tip gay people.

]]>https://canadacomedy.ca/make-god-great-again/feed/0EP65 (Deuteronomy 10-11) Caleb has a new hat that sparks great controversy. Moses has to remake some tablets for god to write his commandments on because Moses smashed the first ones. We learn that god is completely impartial and that he has chosen the...
EP65 (Deuteronomy 10-11) Caleb has a new hat that sparks great controversy. Moses has to remake some tablets for god to write his commandments on because Moses smashed the first ones. We learn that god is completely impartial and that he has chosen the Jews over everyone else in his perfect impartiality. Kyle gets pretty hung up on which parts of the bible god meant and didn’t mean. One of our unfaithful listeners asks if its ok to tip gay people.

]]>Canada Comedy58yes1:10:23Planking for god – (Deuteronomy 8)https://canadacomedy.ca/planking-for-god/
https://canadacomedy.ca/planking-for-god/#respondTue, 05 Mar 2019 08:18:32 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=936EP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle. He claims that it’s really the Jew’s fault god did all those horrible things. At least […]

]]>EP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle. He claims that it’s really the Jew’s fault god did all those horrible things. At least god did give the Jews the most durable sandals in history. Then Moses describes how god gave him the 10 commandments and how they became smashed to smithereens. Kyle correctly points out that the thing only god ever wrote were the 10 commandments and the rest of the bible is superfluous. Moses planks for 40 days. NO FOOD. NO WATER. FACE DOWN.

]]>https://canadacomedy.ca/planking-for-god/feed/0EP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle.
EP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle. He claims that it’s really the Jew’s fault god did all those horrible things. At least god did give the Jews the most durable sandals in history. Then Moses describes how god gave him the 10 commandments and how they became smashed to smithereens. Kyle correctly points out that the thing only god ever wrote were the 10 commandments and the rest of the bible is superfluous. Moses planks for 40 days. NO FOOD. NO WATER. FACE DOWN.]]>Canada Comedy57yes1:18:50Hell Awaits – (Deuteronomy 6-7)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-hell-awaits-episode-063/
Mon, 25 Feb 2019 20:19:32 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=766Ep63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise land. God issues number of threats including the hornet that Kyle […]

]]>Ep63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise land. God issues number of threats including the hornet that Kyle finds hilarious. Caleb tries to explain the concept of spiritual warfare and nearly goes insane justifying its veracity. A listener asks how to get over the irrational fear of hell.

]]>Ep63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise ...
Ep63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise land. God issues number of threats including the hornet that Kyle finds hilarious. Caleb tries to explain the concept of spiritual warfare and nearly goes insane justifying its veracity. A listener asks how to get over the irrational fear of hell. ]]>Canada Comedy56yes1:18:40Adultery Unless You Hold Her Down – (Deuteronomy 5)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-adultery-unless-you-hold-her-down-episode-062/
Mon, 18 Feb 2019 22:14:56 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=732EP62 (Deuteronomy 5) The unfaithful take their girlfriends out for valentines day. Out of a fiery cloud god tells the Israelites 10 things that they should remember. The first four are propaganda, four make sense, and two are completely impossible to follow. Kyle finds some interesting loops holes that god clearly put there on purpose. […]

]]>EP62 (Deuteronomy 5) The unfaithful take their girlfriends out for valentines day. Out of a fiery cloud god tells the Israelites 10 things that they should remember. The first four are propaganda, four make sense, and two are completely impossible to follow. Kyle finds some interesting loops holes that god clearly put there on purpose. A listener asks for god’s input on cross dressing.

]]>EP62 (Deuteronomy 5) The unfaithful take their girlfriends out for valentines day. Out of a fiery cloud god tells the Israelites 10 things that they should remember. The first four are propaganda, four make sense,Canada Comedy55yes52:21God Gets Jelly – (Deuteronomy 4)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-god-gets-jelly-episode-061/
Mon, 11 Feb 2019 04:30:36 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=729EP61 (Deuteronomy 4) The unfaithful talk about their Superbowl wicked Superbowl party. Caleb divulges his darkest secret. God betrays his inherent insecurity by yet again banning idol worship and promising to punish for generations transgressors while simultaneously showing mercy (as if this were possible). Moses blames the Jews for all of his problems some more. […]

]]>EP61 (Deuteronomy 4) The unfaithful talk about their Superbowl wicked Superbowl party. Caleb divulges his darkest secret. God betrays his inherent insecurity by yet again banning idol worship and promising to punish for generations transgressors while simultaneously showing mercy (as if this were possible). Moses blames the Jews for all of his problems some more. The merits of bullying are discussed. Please send us emails.

]]>EP61 (Deuteronomy 4) The unfaithful talk about their Superbowl wicked Superbowl party. Caleb divulges his darkest secret. God betrays his inherent insecurity by yet again banning idol worship and promising to punish for generations transgressors while ...Canada Comedy54yes1:03:03Just Passing Through – (Deuteronomy 2.5-4)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-just-passing-through-episode-060/
Tue, 05 Feb 2019 21:08:20 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=719EP60 (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) The unfaithful compare their terrible haircuts. Kyle fat shames Caleb. God promises to help destroy Israel’s neighbors. So the Jews engage in treachery to trick their enemies but it doesn’t work so they, with the help of the merciful and just creator, kill every man, woman and child justly. So manifest destiny […]

]]>EP60 (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) The unfaithful compare their terrible haircuts. Kyle fat shames Caleb. God promises to help destroy Israel’s neighbors. So the Jews engage in treachery to trick their enemies but it doesn’t work so they, with the help of the merciful and just creator, kill every man, woman and child justly. So manifest destiny 1.0 rampages through the middle east massacring everyone en route.

]]>EP60 (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) The unfaithful compare their terrible haircuts. Kyle fat shames Caleb. God promises to help destroy Israel's neighbors. So the Jews engage in treachery to trick their enemies but it doesn’t work so they,Canada Comedy53yes57:07Episode One (Anakin Still Sucks) – (Deuteronomy 2)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-deuteronomy-episode-one-the-phantom-menace-episode-059/
Tue, 29 Jan 2019 03:43:44 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=715EP59 (Deuteronomy 2) Caleb and Kyle definitively solve climate change and all governmental problems. Moses continues his recap of the the Jews exodus from Egypt. We get into the nuance and finer points of god’s blessings.

]]>EP59 (Deuteronomy 2) Caleb and Kyle definitively solve climate change and all governmental problems. Moses continues his recap of the the Jews exodus from Egypt. We get into the nuance and finer points of god’s blessings.

]]>EP59 (Deuteronomy 2) Caleb and Kyle definitively solve climate change and all governmental problems. Moses continues his recap of the the Jews exodus from Egypt. We get into the nuance and finer points of god’s blessings.Canada Comedy52yes1:08:04Dooderonamy – (Deuteronomy 1)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-dooderonamy-episode-058/
Tue, 22 Jan 2019 01:02:27 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=710EP58 (Deuteronomy 1) KYLE READS THIS WEEK! The Bible Beaters start the fifth book of the bible attributed to the legend Moses. Caleb has no voice because of excessive screaming at a show. We learn a little background about Deuteronomy and then Moses provides a confusing summary. Kyle makes many outrageous claims and defends them […]

]]>EP58 (Deuteronomy 1) KYLE READS THIS WEEK! The Bible Beaters start the fifth book of the bible attributed to the legend Moses. Caleb has no voice because of excessive screaming at a show. We learn a little background about Deuteronomy and then Moses provides a confusing summary. Kyle makes many outrageous claims and defends them tenaciously. Caleb gets torched by a listeners email.

]]>EP58 (Deuteronomy 1) KYLE READS THIS WEEK! The Bible Beaters start the fifth book of the bible attributed to the legend Moses. Caleb has no voice because of excessive screaming at a show. We learn a little background about Deuteronomy and then Moses p...Canada Comedy51yes1:12:56Shenanigans – (Numbers 33 – 36)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-shenanigans-episode-057/
Tue, 15 Jan 2019 05:58:15 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=696Ep57 (Numbers 33 – 36) The Bible Beaters come back from their brief hiatus with sad news. The bible then lists all the stops on Israel make believe journey through the desert. The jews then begin to the divide the spoils of the war the haven’t fought yet but are confident they will win. Caleb […]

]]>Ep57 (Numbers 33 – 36) The Bible Beaters come back from their brief hiatus with sad news. The bible then lists all the stops on Israel make believe journey through the desert. The jews then begin to the divide the spoils of the war the haven’t fought yet but are confident they will win. Caleb profoundly embarrasses himself. Then there are some very weird laws about manslaughter and cities of refuge.

]]>Ep57 (Numbers 33 - 36) The Bible Beaters come back from their brief hiatus with sad news. The bible then lists all the stops on Israel make believe journey through the desert. The jews then begin to the divide the spoils of the war the haven't fought y...Canada Comedy415yes1:24:19The Lords Anger is Arousing – (Numbers 32 – 33)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-lords-anger-is-arousing-episode-056/
Mon, 24 Dec 2018 04:52:50 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=690EP56 (Numbers 32 – 33) The Lord of Hosts recounts his hellish Christmas party gigs. Then they talk about how to become a man in a hot tub. In the Bible the Jews cross the Jordan river and conquer more territories. Of course god gets angry about something and it makes him aroused.

]]>EP56 (Numbers 32 – 33) The Lord of Hosts recounts his hellish Christmas party gigs. Then they talk about how to become a man in a hot tub. In the Bible the Jews cross the Jordan river and conquer more territories. Of course god gets angry about something and it makes him aroused.

]]>EP56 (Numbers 32 - 33) The Lord of Hosts recounts his hellish Christmas party gigs. Then they talk about how to become a man in a hot tub. In the Bible the Jews cross the Jordan river and conquer more territories.Canada Comedy414yes1:15:13Feminist Bible and the 6400 Virgins – (Numbers 29 – 31)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-feminist-bible-and-the-6400-virgins-episode-055/
Mon, 17 Dec 2018 18:58:26 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=686Ep55 (Numbers 29 – 31) Caleb describes his trip to the hipster cyclist cafe. It was a catastrophe. In the bible the slow to anger god demands the Israelites destroy the Midianites for letting their women have sex with the Jewish men. On god’s instruction they burn down the Midianite cities and take all the virgin […]

]]>Ep55 (Numbers 29 – 31) Caleb describes his trip to the hipster cyclist cafe. It was a catastrophe. In the bible the slow to anger god demands the Israelites destroy the Midianites for letting their women have sex with the Jewish men. On god’s instruction they burn down the Midianite cities and take all the virgin women as slaves. Kyle slanders Mother Teresa. One of the unfaithful asks us about the feminist bible. It’s dumber than it sounds.

]]>Ep55 (Numbers 29 - 31) Caleb describes his trip to the hipster cyclist cafe. It was a catastrophe. In the bible the slow to anger god demands the Israelites destroy the Midianites for letting their women have sex with the Jewish men.

]]>EP54 (Numbers 27 – 28) Guess what? More offerings. Caleb tells some rugby stories. The bible has some progressive ideas about what women are allowed to make vows about. The unfaithful discuss the ethics of mega churches and televangelists.

]]>EP54 (Numbers 27 - 28) Guess what? More offerings. Caleb tells some rugby stories. The bible has some progressive ideas about what women are allowed to make vows about. The unfaithful discuss the ethics of mega churches and televangelists.Canada Comedy412yes57:38Harder, Harder, Too Hard! – (Numbers 25 – 26)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-harder-harder-too-hard-episode-53/
Mon, 03 Dec 2018 20:42:22 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=677EP53 (Numbers 25 – 26) Kyle gets misogynistic about women and he hates dogs. Caleb gets misogynistic about women drivers. We dive right into an orgy with the Moabites. God, who is slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness of rebellion, is, of course, SUPER jealous and commands Moses to kill the leadership. Then while they […]

]]>EP53 (Numbers 25 – 26) Kyle gets misogynistic about women and he hates dogs. Caleb gets misogynistic about women drivers. We dive right into an orgy with the Moabites. God, who is slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness of rebellion, is, of course, SUPER jealous and commands Moses to kill the leadership. Then while they are weeping a man brings a woman to bang in his tent. God strikes down 24,000 people with the plague. So a descendant of A-A-Ron stabs them both with a spear. Joshua is selected as the new leader of Israel.

]]>EP53 (Numbers 25 - 26) Kyle gets misogynistic about women and he hates dogs. Caleb gets misogynistic about women drivers. We dive right into an orgy with the Moabites. God, who is slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness of rebellion, is, of course,Canada Comedy411yes1:13:47Blame Balaam – (Numbers 23 – 24)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-blame-balaam-episode-052/
Mon, 26 Nov 2018 03:46:58 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=674EP52 (Numbers 23 – 24) The unfaithful muse about child rearing. Biblically, we return to the story of Balaam who gets eternally blamed for doing exactly what god says. The king offers Balaam money to curse the Jews but Balaam is a gangster and blesses them instead. After the meaningless blessings, Israel has an orgy in […]

]]>EP52 (Numbers 23 – 24) The unfaithful muse about child rearing. Biblically, we return to the story of Balaam who gets eternally blamed for doing exactly what god says. The king offers Balaam money to curse the Jews but Balaam is a gangster and blesses them instead. After the meaningless blessings, Israel has an orgy in the shadow of the false God Baal. Needless to say, god is pissed. Some great listener emails this week.

]]>EP52 (Numbers 23 - 24) The unfaithful muse about child rearing. Biblically, we return to the story of Balaam who gets eternally blamed for doing exactly what god says. The king offers Balaam money to curse the Jews but Balaam is a gangster and blesses ...Canada Comedy410yes1:34:07Holy Shit a Talking Donkey – (Numbers 21 – 22)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-holy-shit-a-talking-donkey-episode-051/
Mon, 19 Nov 2018 08:14:39 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=669EP51 (Numbers 21 – 22) The Israelites are on the warpath. After a they make bargain with god to “utterly destroy” these people they immediately forget and complain about food. Abounding in loving forgiveness, god sends venomous snakes to remind those dildo’s who is in charge. Luckily they create an idol to look at so they […]

]]>EP51 (Numbers 21 – 22) The Israelites are on the warpath. After a they make bargain with god to “utterly destroy” these people they immediately forget and complain about food. Abounding in loving forgiveness, god sends venomous snakes to remind those dildo’s who is in charge. Luckily they create an idol to look at so they can be healed. Then the lords nomads wander into and destroy Sihon and Og. Then the king of Moab hires Balaam, a sorcerer, to curse the Israelites. Unfortunately he works for the lord god. Then god gets angry at Balaam for doing exactly what he told him to so he sends an angel to kill Balaam. A talking donkey prevents this.

]]>EP51 (Numbers 21 - 22) The Israelites are on the warpath. After a they make bargain with god to “utterly destroy” these people they immediately forget and complain about food. Abounding in loving forgiveness,Canada Comedy49yes1:32:06Caleb’s Mom Has Got It Going Onhttps://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-calebs-mom-has-got-it-going-on-bonus-episode-01/
Mon, 12 Nov 2018 11:29:30 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=662Bonus EP01 In this podcast the prophet Stacey Campbell (who is also Caleb’s mom) came to talk to us. As it is her first visit we explore her background and how she became a famous prophet. Biblical themes are discussed such as speaking in tongues, god’s will, heaven and hell, and false god.

]]>Bonus EP01 In this podcast the prophet Stacey Campbell (who is also Caleb’s mom) came to talk to us. As it is her first visit we explore her background and how she became a famous prophet. Biblical themes are discussed such as speaking in tongues, god’s will, heaven and hell, and false god.

]]>Bonus EP01 In this podcast the prophet Stacey Campbell (who is also Caleb’s mom) came to talk to us. As it is her first visit we explore her background and how she became a famous prophet. Biblical themes are discussed such as speaking in tongues,Canada Comedy11bonusyes1:08:02The Death of A A Ron – (Numbers 19 – 20)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-death-of-a-a-ron-episode-50/
Mon, 12 Nov 2018 11:26:57 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=660EP50 (Numbers 19 – 20) Caleb’s piece of shit car gets broken into. Kyle cross dresses as his dad for Halloween. We learn about the magic holy water that is used for making unclean things clean. The theoretical implications of the economics for living in a clean society put severe strain on the believability of this […]

]]>EP50 (Numbers 19 – 20) Caleb’s piece of shit car gets broken into. Kyle cross dresses as his dad for Halloween. We learn about the magic holy water that is used for making unclean things clean. The theoretical implications of the economics for living in a clean society put severe strain on the believability of this ridiculous tome. In this weeks magic display Moses gets water out of a rock. Edom denies Israel passage then A A Ron dies.

]]>EP50 (Numbers 19 - 20) Caleb’s piece of shit car gets broken into. Kyle cross dresses as his dad for Halloween. We learn about the magic holy water that is used for making unclean things clean. The theoretical implications of the economics for living i...Canada Comedy48yes1:31:08God Giveth but Mostly Taketh – (Numbers 17 – 18)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-god-giveth-but-mostly-taketh-episode-049/
Mon, 05 Nov 2018 07:32:18 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=655EP49 (Numbers 17 – 18) The lord of hosts recounts his trip to Nekrogoblikon. No its not comic con for goblins. With ashes of 250 people smouldering and 14,700 bodies rotting with the plague gods next trick is to make A A rons staff grow almonds to remind them who is really in charge. More duties […]

]]>EP49 (Numbers 17 – 18) The lord of hosts recounts his trip to Nekrogoblikon. No its not comic con for goblins. With ashes of 250 people smouldering and 14,700 bodies rotting with the plague gods next trick is to make A A rons staff grow almonds to remind them who is really in charge. More duties and bullshit for levites to do. We also discuss the biblical morality of suicide and indian giving.

]]>EP49 (Numbers 17 - 18) The lord of hosts recounts his trip to Nekrogoblikon. No its not comic con for goblins. With ashes of 250 people smouldering and 14,700 bodies rotting with the plague gods next trick is to make A A rons staff grow almonds to remi...Canada Comedy47yes1:35:57Incense to the Alter STAT – (Numbers 14 – 16)https://canadacomedy.ca/incense-to-the-alter-stat/
Tue, 30 Oct 2018 19:42:50 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=647Ep48 (Numbers 14 – 16) Caleb has to open for Creed. The guy not the band. Kyle admits defeat in an argument about the origin of religion. The Israelites ignore the lord warnings and attack the Canaanites. They lose horribly. At this dramatic junction god takes a time our to remind us what kind of offerings […]

]]>Ep48 (Numbers 14 – 16) Caleb has to open for Creed. The guy not the band. Kyle admits defeat in an argument about the origin of religion. The Israelites ignore the lord warnings and attack the Canaanites. They lose horribly. At this dramatic junction god takes a time our to remind us what kind of offerings he likes. Some poor bastard forgets what day it is and collects wood on Sunday and god commands the people to stone him. Some Jews think that Moses is lording over them and say as much. God goes full hulk mode and kills 15,000 people in his abounding forgiveness.

]]>Ep48 (Numbers 14 - 16) Caleb has to open for Creed. The guy not the band. Kyle admits defeat in an argument about the origin of religion. The Israelites ignore the lord warnings and attack the Canaanites. They lose horribly.Canada Comedy46yes1:11:37The Most Humble Man That Ever Lived – (Numbers 11 – 13)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-most-humble-man-that-ever-lived-episode-047/
Mon, 22 Oct 2018 18:49:45 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=643EP47 (Numbers 11 – 13) Caleb tries to clarify what he said earlier and the podcast devolves into a apologizing circle-jerk. In the bible the Israelites are getting sick of Moses’s Cushite wife so Miriam and A-A(ron) go to talk to him about. God, in his great mercy, strikes Miriam with a plague. The Jews […]

]]>EP47 (Numbers 11 – 13) Caleb tries to clarify what he said earlier and the podcast devolves into a apologizing circle-jerk. In the bible the Israelites are getting sick of Moses’s Cushite wife so Miriam and A-A(ron) go to talk to him about. God, in his great mercy, strikes Miriam with a plague. The Jews finally make it to the promise land and send in a dozen spies to investigate. Ten men were bad and two were good. The spies say they can’t overcome the giants living there so the people rebel against Moses. God responds with typical loving kindness and sentenced them all to death.

]]>EP47 (Numbers 11 - 13) Caleb tries to clarify what he said earlier and the podcast devolves into a apologizing circle-jerk. In the bible the Israelites are getting sick of Moses’s Cushite wife so Miriam and A-A(ron) go to talk to him about. God,Canada Comedy45yes1:11:16No One’s Watching – (Numbers 10 – 11)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-no-ones-watching-episode-046/
Mon, 15 Oct 2018 17:22:38 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=639EP46 (Numbers 10 – 11) The lord of hosts was a bit of a dickhead on another podcast. The lord commands the Israelis to party in remembrance of when god killed every firstborn child in Egypt. God then takes the form of cloud and misleads a million jews through the desert. God commands they make […]

]]>EP46 (Numbers 10 – 11) The lord of hosts was a bit of a dickhead on another podcast. The lord commands the Israelis to party in remembrance of when god killed every firstborn child in Egypt. God then takes the form of cloud and misleads a million jews through the desert. God commands they make silver vuvuzelas and annoying everyone in his name. The Israelites set out from Mt. Sinai without their without the only guy who knows where they are. They become lost immediately.

]]>EP46 (Numbers 10 - 11) The lord of hosts was a bit of a dickhead on another podcast. The lord commands the Israelis to party in remembrance of when god killed every firstborn child in Egypt. God then takes the form of cloud and misleads a million jews ...Canada Comedy44yes1:21:46Abortion Juice – (Numbers 8 – 9)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-abortion-juice-episode-045/
Mon, 08 Oct 2018 17:39:59 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=634EP45 (Numbers 8 – 9) The Beaters trudge into the social swamp of #metoo with some really progressive ideas. Next Moses receives a bunch of free stuff on behalf of god setting up the template for corrupt televangelists everywhere. Then a big list of names and stuff that is quite hard to read because god […]

]]>EP45 (Numbers 8 – 9) The Beaters trudge into the social swamp of #metoo with some really progressive ideas. Next Moses receives a bunch of free stuff on behalf of god setting up the template for corrupt televangelists everywhere. Then a big list of names and stuff that is quite hard to read because god is testing us. Then god tells the Levites to shave each others assholes.

]]>EP45 (Numbers 8 - 9) The Beaters trudge into the social swamp of #metoo with some really progressive ideas. Next Moses receives a bunch of free stuff on behalf of god setting up the template for corrupt televangelists everywhere.Canada Comedy43yes1:09:37Test for the Unfaithful Wife – (Numbers 5 – 7)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-test-for-the-unfaithful-wife-episode-044/
Tue, 02 Oct 2018 07:00:17 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=630EP44 (Numbers 5 – 7) You heard it here first! Golf is not a sport. We discuss some of the historicity of the Jews wandering the desert. Have you ever wondered if your woman is unfaithful? Use this test:1. Create holy water, 2, write a curse and rinse the curse in the water, 3 Make […]

]]>EP44 (Numbers 5 – 7) You heard it here first! Golf is not a sport. We discuss some of the historicity of the Jews wandering the desert. Have you ever wondered if your woman is unfaithful? Use this test:1. Create holy water, 2, write a curse and rinse the curse in the water, 3 Make her drink it. God says this will induce a miscarriage if she’s guilty. Next if you wanna be a next level follower of god (Nazarite) don’t cut your hair. If somebody dies next you, your life is ruined.

]]>EP44 (Numbers 5 - 7) You heard it here first! Golf is not a sport. We discuss some of the historicity of the Jews wandering the desert. Have you ever wondered if your woman is unfaithful? Use this test:1. Create holy water, 2,Canada Comedy42yes1:11:06aSALT and Lithium Battery – (Numbers 1 – 4)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-asalt-and-lithium-battery-episode-043/
Mon, 24 Sep 2018 18:55:19 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=620EP43 (Numbers 1 – 4) The Unfaithful begin the book of numbers and it begins with a very interesting and long winded list of names. Kyle tries his hand at reading and he’s bad at it. Apparently 1.2 million Jews wandered 260 Km for 40 years which seems plausible. Caleb advocates removing women’s suffrage before […]

]]>EP43 (Numbers 1 – 4) The Unfaithful begin the book of numbers and it begins with a very interesting and long winded list of names. Kyle tries his hand at reading and he’s bad at it. Apparently 1.2 million Jews wandered 260 Km for 40 years which seems plausible. Caleb advocates removing women’s suffrage before dismantling democracy completely. The bible lists the duties of the holy men amongst the tribe and its mind numbingly repetitive. Then we consider the practical implications of living in a Jewish camp in the dessert.

]]>EP43 (Numbers 1 - 4) The Unfaithful begin the book of numbers and it begins with a very interesting and long winded list of names. Kyle tries his hand at reading and he's bad at it. Apparently 1.2 million Jews wandered 260 Km for 40 years which seems p...Canada Comedy41yes1:35:51Below Market Value Jesus – (Leviticus 25 – 27 )https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-below-market-value-jesus-episode-042/
Tue, 18 Sep 2018 05:01:30 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=605EP42 (Leviticus 25 – 27 ) Finally we finish Leviticus! First, Caleb bitches about how poor he is and Kyle is covered in poison ivy. God tell us to give the land a sabbath and introduces the concept of jubilee. Kyle thinks this is evidence that some smart guy wrote this. Blasphemy! Jubilee gives the […]

]]>EP42 (Leviticus 25 – 27 ) Finally we finish Leviticus! First, Caleb bitches about how poor he is and Kyle is covered in poison ivy. God tell us to give the land a sabbath and introduces the concept of jubilee. Kyle thinks this is evidence that some smart guy wrote this. Blasphemy! Jubilee gives the Jews rules for buying and selling land and people. Turns out men really are worth more than women and Jesus wasn’t sold at full price. We discuss some high minded slavery and prison related ideas with tact. Then god tells what good things will happen if we follow his laws followed by a page death threat if we do not follow them.

]]>EP42 (Leviticus 25 - 27 ) Finally we finish Leviticus! First, Caleb bitches about how poor he is and Kyle is covered in poison ivy. God tell us to give the land a sabbath and introduces the concept of jubilee.Canada Comedy310yes1:27:17Death Punishable by Death – (Leviticus 23 -24)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-death-punishable-by-death-episode-041/
Fri, 14 Sep 2018 00:06:20 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=602EP41 (Leviticus 23 -24) Kyle goes to the greatest concert of the 1990’s. In the bible we learn about god’s festivals that he wants us to celebrate (shambala doesn’t count. It’s not even the real bala!) The festivals have some weird rules for example waving a lamb at god before killing and burning it. It’s […]

]]>EP41 (Leviticus 23 -24) Kyle goes to the greatest concert of the 1990’s. In the bible we learn about god’s festivals that he wants us to celebrate (shambala doesn’t count. It’s not even the real bala!) The festivals have some weird rules for example waving a lamb at god before killing and burning it. It’s important not do do any work during festival season also. Then we learn about a curly haired croc fucker who insults god must get stoned and not the good kind. Right after god tell’s his people to throw rocks at a person until he dies god reminds us that anyone who takes the life of a human being must be put to death. In closing we get a couple good emails sparking conversation on the nature of god and free will vs god’s will.

]]>EP41 (Leviticus 23 -24) Kyle goes to the greatest concert of the 1990’s. In the bible we learn about god’s festivals that he wants us to celebrate (shambala doesn't count. It's not even the real bala!) The festivals have some weird rules for example wa...Canada Comedy39yes1:19:09Praying for Faith – (Leviticus 22)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-praying-for-faith-episode-040/
Mon, 10 Sep 2018 07:15:53 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=598EP40 (Leviticus 22) If you want to jump into the middle of the podcast this episode is for you. Kyle MC’s his friends wedding and nearly ruins the big day. Caleb reports on his “fishing” trip to Kitimat with his weird dad. Caleb then masterfully summarizes the bible up to this point. Then god tells […]

]]>EP40 (Leviticus 22) If you want to jump into the middle of the podcast this episode is for you. Kyle MC’s his friends wedding and nearly ruins the big day. Caleb reports on his “fishing” trip to Kitimat with his weird dad. Caleb then masterfully summarizes the bible up to this point. Then god tells us he will kill people who make offerings when they are unclean which is all the time. We learn that god will not accept sacrifices or people who are disabled. This leads to a philosophical conversation on faith and losing one’s faith.

]]>EP40 (Leviticus 22) If you want to jump into the middle of the podcast this episode is for you. Kyle MC’s his friends wedding and nearly ruins the big day. Caleb reports on his “fishing” trip to Kitimat with his weird dad.Canada Comedy38yes1:28:34Punishment for Sin – (Leviticus 17 – 19)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-punishment-for-sin-episode-039/
Wed, 05 Sep 2018 05:51:17 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=584EP39 (Leviticus 17 – 19) The Beaters got hate mail! Sorta. Biblically, nepotism begins to show itself when Moses tells the Israelites that sacrifices can only be made to the Levites. Kyle gets hung up on the biblical rituals because they don’t provide any powers. Then, the bible bans all kind of sex stuff rendering […]

]]>EP39 (Leviticus 17 – 19) The Beaters got hate mail! Sorta. Biblically, nepotism begins to show itself when Moses tells the Israelites that sacrifices can only be made to the Levites. Kyle gets hung up on the biblical rituals because they don’t provide any powers. Then, the bible bans all kind of sex stuff rendering the incest porn trend illegal. Kyle admits to his undying love of the Spice Girls. Finally, we get some actual good advice from the bible. It only took 39 episodes.

]]>EP39 (Leviticus 17 - 19) The Beaters got hate mail! Sorta. Biblically, nepotism begins to show itself when Moses tells the Israelites that sacrifices can only be made to the Levites. Kyle gets hung up on the biblical rituals because they don’t provide ...Canada Comedy37yes1:10:57Unlawful Sexual Relations – (Leviticus 20 – 21)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-unlawful-sexual-relations-episode-038/
Mon, 27 Aug 2018 20:29:00 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=581EP38 (Leviticus 20 – 21) God tells us what to do to people who break his decrees. Usually, its some horrible method of death such as stoning or burning. Kyle and Caleb get pretty side tracked talking about 3rd world executions and many ignorant claims are made. The podcast gets progressively grosser as the bible […]

]]>EP38 (Leviticus 20 – 21) God tells us what to do to people who break his decrees. Usually, its some horrible method of death such as stoning or burning. Kyle and Caleb get pretty side tracked talking about 3rd world executions and many ignorant claims are made. The podcast gets progressively grosser as the bible describes what to do zoophiles. Priests have some special rules under god because they make is food. That’s right god needs to eat. For example god doesn’t want any daughters of priest becoming prostitutes, disabled priests because hes a dick like that. A listener writes a fantastic email comparing Kyle to Moses.

]]>EP38 (Leviticus 20 - 21) God tells us what to do to people who break his decrees. Usually, its some horrible method of death such as stoning or burning. Kyle and Caleb get pretty side tracked talking about 3rd world executions and many ignorant claims ...Canada Comedy36yes1:05:47Discharge on an Escape Goat – (Leviticus 15 – 16)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-discharge-on-an-espcape-goat-episode-037/
Thu, 23 Aug 2018 20:54:38 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=577Ep37 (Leviticus 15 – 16) The Bible Beaters get philosophical about gods ethics vs the Apostle Paul’s ethics after Caleb gets trolled on Facebook. Does morality evolve? the Bible says yes despite the fact god is timeless. Next we learn about how to make things unclean: 1. have a discharge 2. touch anything. Menstruation is […]

]]>Ep37 (Leviticus 15 – 16) The Bible Beaters get philosophical about gods ethics vs the Apostle Paul’s ethics after Caleb gets trolled on Facebook. Does morality evolve? the Bible says yes despite the fact god is timeless. Next we learn about how to make things unclean: 1. have a discharge 2. touch anything. Menstruation is very unclean and women who do it are not allowed to touch anybody for a week. Kyle bets a six pack that only 25% of people have periods. He loses. The biblical priests also gamble with the lives of the goats and kill one on god’s orders.

]]>Ep37 (Leviticus 15 - 16) The Bible Beaters get philosophical about gods ethics vs the Apostle Paul’s ethics after Caleb gets trolled on Facebook. Does morality evolve? the Bible says yes despite the fact god is timeless.Canada Comedy35yes1:13:39If You’re Not Sure Wing It (Sayeth the Lord) – (Leviticus 12 – 14)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-if-youre-not-sure-wing-it-god-episode-036/
Mon, 20 Aug 2018 19:56:50 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=568EP36 (Leviticus 12 – 14) Caleb recounts his disastrous trip to Vancouver. Then we jump into the medical section on the the bible with both unclean feet. Periods are gross and women who have them shouldn’t touch anything. Skin diseases are unclean. So are discharges. If you have them you get kicked out of the […]

]]>EP36 (Leviticus 12 – 14) Caleb recounts his disastrous trip to Vancouver. Then we jump into the medical section on the the bible with both unclean feet. Periods are gross and women who have them shouldn’t touch anything. Skin diseases are unclean. So are discharges. If you have them you get kicked out of the camp. Turns out the best way to get rid of uncleanness is to crack a bird open and dip a live bird in the blood and splash it on whatever it is that’s unclean.

]]>EP36 (Leviticus 12 - 14) Caleb recounts his disastrous trip to Vancouver. Then we jump into the medical section on the the bible with both unclean feet. Periods are gross and women who have them shouldn’t touch anything. Skin diseases are unclean.Canada Comedy34yes1:22:41Unauthorized Fire is Punishable by Fire – (Leviticus 8 – 11)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-unauthorized-fire-is-punishable-by-fire-episode-035/
Thu, 16 Aug 2018 21:52:37 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=565EP35 (Leviticus 8 – 11) A-A-Ron and his sons get their special outfits and oil dumped on their heads and become “holy.” This holiness prevents god from killing them as long as they follow the rules. Of course the first thing god wants the priests to do after their ordination is kill something. They oblige. […]

]]>EP35 (Leviticus 8 – 11) A-A-Ron and his sons get their special outfits and oil dumped on their heads and become “holy.” This holiness prevents god from killing them as long as they follow the rules. Of course the first thing god wants the priests to do after their ordination is kill something. They oblige. Apparently Nadab and Abihu didn’t get the memo and use unauthorized fire to burn some goats. This angers god, whom ,may I remind you is slow to anger and abounding in loving forgiveness, to burn them alive with spontaneous holy god fire. Next we learn about why Jews can’t eat bacon, or monitor lizards for that matter.

]]>EP35 (Leviticus 8 - 11) A-A-Ron and his sons get their special outfits and oil dumped on their heads and become “holy.” This holiness prevents god from killing them as long as they follow the rules. Of course the first thing god wants the priests to do...Canada Comedy33yes1:14:43The Irony of a Holy Dildo – (Leviticus 4 – 7)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-irony-of-a-holy-dildo-episode-034/
Mon, 13 Aug 2018 17:05:55 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=562EP34 (Leviticus 4 – 7) Caleb tells us about his weekend in PG which naturally devolves into a heated argument about animal abuse. Biblically, we get into the concepts of thought crime and how one can be guilty for the sins of others, more regulations about what animals to burn, abstract ideas about what it […]

]]>EP34 (Leviticus 4 – 7) Caleb tells us about his weekend in PG which naturally devolves into a heated argument about animal abuse. Biblically, we get into the concepts of thought crime and how one can be guilty for the sins of others, more regulations about what animals to burn, abstract ideas about what it means to be holy (nothing), topped off with nepotism sanctioned by the lord god. At the end we read an email about the parallels of the bible to the moron bible, I mean mormon.

]]>EP34 (Leviticus 4 - 7) Caleb tells us about his weekend in PG which naturally devolves into a heated argument about animal abuse. Biblically, we get into the concepts of thought crime and how one can be guilty for the sins of others,Canada Comedy32yes1:30:50Not Enough Goats to Burn – (Leviticus 1 – 4)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-not-enough-goats-to-burn-episode-033/
Thu, 09 Aug 2018 00:11:14 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=558Ep33 (Leviticus 1 – 4) Kyle gives us a summary of the bible up to this point which highlights how little he pays attention. Then we dive into the book of Leviticus. Which is primarily about what animals god wants you to kill and how to kill them. Not humanely is the answer. We learn […]

]]>Ep33 (Leviticus 1 – 4) Kyle gives us a summary of the bible up to this point which highlights how little he pays attention. Then we dive into the book of Leviticus. Which is primarily about what animals god wants you to kill and how to kill them. Not humanely is the answer. We learn about the 5 types of offerings and when one is supposed to offer them (hint: all the time). Kyle postulates that the economics of sinning make it virtually impossible for any person to practice god’s laws.

]]>Ep33 (Leviticus 1 - 4) Kyle gives us a summary of the bible up to this point which highlights how little he pays attention. Then we dive into the book of Leviticus. Which is primarily about what animals god wants you to kill and how to kill them.Canada Comedy31yes1:13:22Do Not Listen to This Episode – (Exodus 35-40)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-do-not-listen-to-this-episode-episode-032/
Wed, 01 Aug 2018 04:21:34 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=545EP32 (Exodus 35-40) This episode sucks. No way around it. The bible literally repeats the last 8 chapters about the ark, table, lamp stand, tent of meeting, priestly garments, etc. It’s terrible. We wont do this again.

]]>EP32 (Exodus 35-40) This episode sucks. No way around it. The bible literally repeats the last 8 chapters about the ark, table, lamp stand, tent of meeting, priestly garments, etc. It’s terrible. We wont do this again.

]]>EP32 (Exodus 35-40) This episode sucks. No way around it. The bible literally repeats the last 8 chapters about the ark, table, lamp stand, tent of meeting, priestly garments, etc. It's terrible. We wont do this again.Canada Comedy214yes1:27:09Because of the Cow – (Exodus 31-34)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-because-of-the-cow-episode-031/
Mon, 23 Jul 2018 23:19:29 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=540EP31 (Exodus 31-34) Caleb is nearly dead of hangover from AMF. More measurements and specifications. BUT THEN, Moses goes away for a bit and the Israelites figure he’s gone forever and come to the logical conclusion that they should make themselves a new god. They melt down their earrings and make a golden calf and […]

]]>EP31 (Exodus 31-34) Caleb is nearly dead of hangover from AMF. More measurements and specifications. BUT THEN, Moses goes away for a bit and the Israelites figure he’s gone forever and come to the logical conclusion that they should make themselves a new god. They melt down their earrings and make a golden calf and start worshiping it. This angers god and so he tells the Jews to kill each other. Over 3000 people are murdered by the sword. Next is a long section praising god about how nice of a guy he is. Slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness. What a guy.

]]>EP31 (Exodus 31-34) Caleb is nearly dead of hangover from AMF. More measurements and specifications. BUT THEN, Moses goes away for a bit and the Israelites figure he's gone forever and come to the logical conclusion that they should make themselves a n...Canada Comedy213yes1:17:43Bloody Jazz Hands – (Exodus 29-30)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-bloody-jazz-hands-episode-030/
Tue, 17 Jul 2018 04:10:08 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=537EP30 (Exodus 29-30) More of god’s demand about how to worship him. It’s weird. First you put on your fancy garments. Then slaughter and disembowel a bull. Next you smear blood on your ear lobes and on your big toes and sprinkle blood on the altar and pour the rest of the blood on the […]

]]>EP30 (Exodus 29-30) More of god’s demand about how to worship him. It’s weird. First you put on your fancy garments. Then slaughter and disembowel a bull. Next you smear blood on your ear lobes and on your big toes and sprinkle blood on the altar and pour the rest of the blood on the ground. You do this everyday for seven days. I wonder why they don’t still do this in church? God then demands your money so he won’t kill you. You know what you did.

]]>EP30 (Exodus 29-30) More of god's demand about how to worship him. It's weird. First you put on your fancy garments. Then slaughter and disembowel a bull. Next you smear blood on your ear lobes and on your big toes and sprinkle blood on the altar and p...Canada Comedy212yes59:36The Shitcast or How to Build a Shitty Table – (Exodus 25-28)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-shitcast-or-how-to-build-a-shitty-table-episode-029/
Tue, 10 Jul 2018 06:09:21 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=533EP29 (Exodus 25-28) Caleb tells us of his trip to Los Angeles. Next we learn about the exact specifications of the things that likes. He likes Ark’s, tents, tables, basins, lamp stands, priestly garments, murder, oil, and incense. Kyle accuses god of being a sixteen year old girl. Honestly its pretty boring. Even pastor Wesley […]

]]>EP29 (Exodus 25-28) Caleb tells us of his trip to Los Angeles. Next we learn about the exact specifications of the things that likes. He likes Ark’s, tents, tables, basins, lamp stands, priestly garments, murder, oil, and incense. Kyle accuses god of being a sixteen year old girl. Honestly its pretty boring. Even pastor Wesley asked if we were gonna read this shit.

]]>EP29 (Exodus 25-28) Caleb tells us of his trip to Los Angeles. Next we learn about the exact specifications of the things that likes. He likes Ark's, tents, tables, basins, lamp stands, priestly garments, murder, oil, and incense.Canada Comedy211yes1:28:07God Likes Meeting in Private – (Exodus 23-24)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-god-likes-meeting-in-private-episode-028/
Tue, 03 Jul 2018 03:44:07 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=530EP28 (Exodus 23-24) Kyle and Caleb discuss failed business ventures. Kyle tells everyone who listens to this podcast to “GO FUCK YOURSELVES” Caleb calmly tells him to lower his eyebrows. The podcasts divulges into a general discussion about Christianity and what Jesus talked about. Then we get to talking about more of gods laws.

]]>EP28 (Exodus 23-24) Kyle and Caleb discuss failed business ventures. Kyle tells everyone who listens to this podcast to “GO FUCK YOURSELVES” Caleb calmly tells him to lower his eyebrows. The podcasts divulges into a general discussion about Christianity and what Jesus talked about. Then we get to talking about more of gods laws.

]]>EP28 (Exodus 23-24) Kyle and Caleb discuss failed business ventures. Kyle tells everyone who listens to this podcast to "GO FUCK YOURSELVES" Caleb calmly tells him to lower his eyebrows. The podcasts divulges into a general discussion about Christianit...Canada Comedy210yes1:07:13The Donkey of Someone Who Hates You – (Exodus 20-22)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-donkey-of-someone-who-hates-you-episode-027/
Tue, 26 Jun 2018 01:40:29 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=525EP27 (Exodus 20-22) God expands on his Top Ten list of things not to do. Highlights include progressive ideas like “anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death” or “If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be […]

]]>EP27 (Exodus 20-22) God expands on his Top Ten list of things not to do. Highlights include progressive ideas like “anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death” or “If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its load, do not leave it there; be sure you help them with it.” Kyle and Caleb ineptly argue the worth and practical implications of old laws in modern times. Kyle learns the difference between and altar and an arch.

]]>EP27 (Exodus 20-22) God expands on his Top Ten list of things not to do. Highlights include progressive ideas like "anyone who curses their father or mother is to be put to death" or "If you see the donkey of someone who hates you fallen down under its...Canada Comedy29yes1:14:12The Ten Commandments – (Exodus 19-20)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-ten-commandments-episode-026/
Tue, 19 Jun 2018 08:15:33 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=514EP26 (Exodus 19-20) Caleb comes second last place in an air guitar competition. Kyle is still really hung up on a piece of wood leading to the logical conclusion that god is retarded. God starts making more promises about all the great stuff he will do and tells Moses to come talk to him at […]

]]>EP26 (Exodus 19-20) Caleb comes second last place in an air guitar competition. Kyle is still really hung up on a piece of wood leading to the logical conclusion that god is retarded. God starts making more promises about all the great stuff he will do and tells Moses to come talk to him at the top of Mt. Sinai and then immediately go back town to tell people stuff. As is tradition, any person or animal that touches the mount will die. Then God gives his iconic list of 10 things not to do. Caleb and Kyle debate the merits of gods law. Caleb explains how to deal with people handing out pamphlets. Caleb gives us the Bible Beater commandments.

]]>EP26 (Exodus 19-20) Caleb comes second last place in an air guitar competition. Kyle is still really hung up on a piece of wood leading to the logical conclusion that god is retarded. God starts making more promises about all the great stuff he will do...Canada Comedy28yes1:07:22God Feeds Humans Like Ducks – (Exodus 15-18)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-god-feeds-humans-like-ducks-episode-025/
Tue, 12 Jun 2018 02:39:48 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=511EP25 (Exodus 15-18) Kyle gets robbed by a homeless person and has to buy his own phone back. Caleb cracks a guys teeth in half. In the Bible god’s chosen people are celebrating the major victory god gave them by drowning their enemies who foolishly tried to follow them across the dry bottom of the […]

]]>EP25 (Exodus 15-18) Kyle gets robbed by a homeless person and has to buy his own phone back. Caleb cracks a guys teeth in half. In the Bible god’s chosen people are celebrating the major victory god gave them by drowning their enemies who foolishly tried to follow them across the dry bottom of the Red Sea. Miriam writes a song about it and Caleb sings it horribly. Red Sea 1 – Pharaoh 0. Caleb explains what a tambourine is for no reason. Next the Israelites follow a trail of magic bread to a water hole with magic wood to make it taste good. The Amalekites are wiped out of existence by Moses’ holding his arms up. Moses then gets some good advice from his father in law and forms the first government of Israel (the people not the place because they don’t know how to get there lol).

]]>EP25 (Exodus 15-18) Kyle gets robbed by a homeless person and has to buy his own phone back. Caleb cracks a guys teeth in half. In the Bible god's chosen people are celebrating the major victory god gave them by drowning their enemies who foolishly tri...Canada Comedy27yes1:14:44The Least Creative Way to Kill People – (Exodus 12-14)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-the-least-creative-way-to-kill-people-episode-024/
Mon, 04 Jun 2018 20:25:33 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=504EP24 (Exodus 12-14) Caleb recounts being berated by one of his heroes Doug Stanhope. The Jews are celebrating the first Passover (read the first moment god did NOT kill your firstborn). It is imperative that nobody eats yeast and don’t ask me to explain it. Then the Israelites perform one of the greatest escapes of all […]

]]>EP24 (Exodus 12-14) Caleb recounts being berated by one of his heroes Doug Stanhope. The Jews are celebrating the first Passover (read the first moment god did NOT kill your firstborn). It is imperative that nobody eats yeast and don’t ask me to explain it. Then the Israelites perform one of the greatest escapes of all time by fleeing through the parted Red Sea. Kyle naturally has many questions how this could be possible leading to intelligent scholarly debate. Pharaoh follows with his 600 best chariots and all of his other chariots. No one survives.

]]>EP24 (Exodus 12-14) Caleb recounts being berated by one of his heroes Doug Stanhope. The Jews are celebrating the first Passover (read the first moment god did NOT kill your firstborn). It is imperative that nobody eats yeast and don't ask me to explai...Canada Comedy26yes1:11:29God Likes His Steak Well Done – (Exodus 9-11)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-god-likes-steak-well-done-episode-023/
Tue, 29 May 2018 05:11:02 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=497EP23 (Exodus 9-11) The magicians duel is heating up. Pharaoh’s magicians bow out at producing gnats so Moses goes 6 steps further and with god’s help plagues the Egyptians with dead livestock, festering boils, giant balls of hail, swarms of locusts, darkness one can feel, and death of every first born human and animal. Then […]

]]>EP23 (Exodus 9-11) The magicians duel is heating up. Pharaoh’s magicians bow out at producing gnats so Moses goes 6 steps further and with god’s help plagues the Egyptians with dead livestock, festering boils, giant balls of hail, swarms of locusts, darkness one can feel, and death of every first born human and animal. Then god commands the Israelites to celebrate culling the firstborn of everything every year with a special festival called Passover. Everyone knows hows festivals can get a little crazy and Passover is no different. First you slaughter a healthy 1 year old male lamb and smear its blood on 3 sides of your door frame. Next eat the whole lamb. If somebody is visiting from out of town they have to be circumcised if they wanna partake and avoid the angel of death. I heard the chainsmokers are headlining this year.

]]>EP23 (Exodus 9-11) The magicians duel is heating up. Pharaoh's magicians bow out at producing gnats so Moses goes 6 steps further and with god's help plagues the Egyptians with dead livestock, festering boils, giant balls of hail, swarms of locusts,Canada Comedy25yes1:14:40A Plague of Dick Jokes – (Exodus 7-8)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-plague-dick-jokes-episode-022/
Tue, 22 May 2018 14:25:12 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=492EP22 (Exodus 7-8) Kyle tells an embarrassing story about not picking up a stripper. In the bible god begins to demonstrate his awesome power. For his first trick Aaron throws down his staff and it becomes a snake. Pharaoh’s magicians copy the trick and so begins the magicians duel. Kyle literally can’t stop making dick […]

]]>EP22 (Exodus 7-8) Kyle tells an embarrassing story about not picking up a stripper. In the bible god begins to demonstrate his awesome power. For his first trick Aaron throws down his staff and it becomes a snake. Pharaoh’s magicians copy the trick and so begins the magicians duel. Kyle literally can’t stop making dick jokes to the dismay of Caleb and everyone listening. Then god plagues Egypt with blood, frogs, flies, and gnats. Each time pharaoh wants to let the Israelites go but god makes sure he can’t change his mind just so he can smite Egypt with all the plagues and tell people about it. Remember that god loves you.

]]>EP22 (Exodus 7-8) Kyle tells an embarrassing story about not picking up a stripper. In the bible god begins to demonstrate his awesome power. For his first trick Aaron throws down his staff and it becomes a snake.Canada Comedy24yes1:04:13Big Gay Retard – (Exodus 5-6)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-big-gay-retard-episode-021/
Wed, 16 May 2018 02:38:37 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=487EP21 (Exodus 5-6) Caleb tries to tell us about his rugby game. Kyle interrupts to say nothing. In the bible Moses and A-A-ron reluctantly agree to be the voice of god and tell Pharaoh to let god’s people go because they wanna go to burning man. Instead of simply changing Pharaoh’s mind to be nice […]

]]>EP21 (Exodus 5-6) Caleb tries to tell us about his rugby game. Kyle interrupts to say nothing. In the bible Moses and A-A-ron reluctantly agree to be the voice of god and tell Pharaoh to let god’s people go because they wanna go to burning man. Instead of simply changing Pharaoh’s mind to be nice to the Jews, god hardens Pharaoh’s heart… and our dicks. Pharaoh says no way Mosé and for even asking for days off your work is now doubled. Everyone is pissed at Moses so he complains back to god. God says “watch this shit. I’ve been waiting to have a reason so smite these mofo’s with plagues.”

]]>EP21 (Exodus 5-6) Caleb tries to tell us about his rugby game. Kyle interrupts to say nothing. In the bible Moses and A-A-ron reluctantly agree to be the voice of god and tell Pharaoh to let god’s people go because they wanna go to burning man.Canada Comedy23yes1:19:40God’s Plan 2.0 – (Exodus 3-4)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-gods-plan-two-point-o-episode-020/
Tue, 08 May 2018 00:44:37 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=468EP20 (Exodus 3-4) The Israelites are miserably enslaved and god decides to send help for his favorite people so he decides Moses is the man for the job. The only problem is that Moses really doesn’t wanna be the guy. God then has to convince this little shit that Moses is, in fact, the right guy for […]

]]>EP20 (Exodus 3-4) The Israelites are miserably enslaved and god decides to send help for his favorite people so he decides Moses is the man for the job. The only problem is that Moses really doesn’t wanna be the guy. God then has to convince this little shit that Moses is, in fact, the right guy for the job. Moses performs a few magic tricks but Kyle and Caleb are unimpressed and get massively sidetracked. God decides to kill Moses but his mom comes to the rescue just in time and circumcises Moses and rubs the foreskin on his feet. Seriously, it’s pretty weird. It’s also confirmed that god’s plan is to kill people.

]]>EP20 (Exodus 3-4) The Israelites are miserably enslaved and god decides to send help for his favorite people so he decides Moses is the man for the job. The only problem is that Moses really doesn’t wanna be the guy.Canada Comedy22yes1:13:37There’s Only One Way to Tell if Your Baby Floats – (Exodus 1-2)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-theres-one-way-tell-baby-floats-episode-019/
Tue, 01 May 2018 04:05:22 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=462EP19 (Exodus 1-2) Long after Joseph has died the Israelites have been coerced into slavery by the Egyptians. In fact the jewish infestation is so severe that pharaoh orders all hebrew boys to be thrown into the Nile. Luckily for Moses his mother put him in a basket first. Which in turn is found by the […]

]]>EP19 (Exodus 1-2) Long after Joseph has died the Israelites have been coerced into slavery by the Egyptians. In fact the jewish infestation is so severe that pharaoh orders all hebrew boys to be thrown into the Nile. Luckily for Moses his mother put him in a basket first. Which in turn is found by the kings daughter and just like the the Jews are back in business. Moses commits murder and runs away but god knows where to find him.

]]>EP19 (Exodus 1-2) Long after Joseph has died the Israelites have been coerced into slavery by the Egyptians. In fact the jewish infestation is so severe that pharaoh orders all hebrew boys to be thrown into the Nile.Canada Comedy21yes1:04:27The Bible Beaters – Handjob of Death – (Genesis 47-50)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-handjob-death-018/
Tue, 24 Apr 2018 22:56:24 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=455EP18 (Genesis 47-50) God springs his terrible plan into action. Joseph gets the last laugh because the famine is so severe that not only does he gather everyone’s money but also all of their possessions, land, and even the people themselves to become slaves in return for the food he has saved. Jacob Israel gives some more […]

]]>EP18 (Genesis 47-50) God springs his terrible plan into action. Joseph gets the last laugh because the famine is so severe that not only does he gather everyone’s money but also all of their possessions, land, and even the people themselves to become slaves in return for the food he has saved. Jacob Israel gives some more of that juicy blessing to his children Joseph puts his hand under his thigh. Caleb gets a new shirt and gives all the bible beaters a personal blessing.

]]>EP18 (Genesis 47-50) God springs his terrible plan into action. Joseph gets the last laugh because the famine is so severe that not only does he gather everyone's money but also all of their possessions, land,Canada Comedy118yes1:19:34It’s Gods Plan and It’s Not Good – (Genesis 45 – 46)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-gods-plan-not-good-episode-017/
Mon, 16 Apr 2018 08:14:54 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=447EP17 (Genesis 45 – 46) Kyle the interrupter ruins the podcast before it can even begin to get any momentum sending our hosts spiraling into drunken raving. Joseph reveals his true identity which blows everybody’s minds and loads. We find out that god has a plan for everyone and, in your case, its most likely that […]

]]>EP17 (Genesis 45 – 46) Kyle the interrupter ruins the podcast before it can even begin to get any momentum sending our hosts spiraling into drunken raving. Joseph reveals his true identity which blows everybody’s minds and loads. We find out that god has a plan for everyone and, in your case, its most likely that you are fodder for somebody else’s big plan. Turns out god’s plan for Israel is to enslave the Jews so he sends Israel or Jacob down to Egypt. We apologize for not being sorry about god’s shitty plan for us to say all of the stuff we said.

]]>EP17 (Genesis 45 - 46) Kyle the interrupter ruins the podcast before it can even begin to get any momentum sending our hosts spiraling into drunken raving. Joseph reveals his true identity which blows everybody’s minds and loads.Canada Comedy117yes1:06:14Starvation and Revenge – (Genesis 42-44)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-starvation-revenge-episode-016/
Tue, 10 Apr 2018 02:30:11 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=440EP16 (Genesis 42-44) So Joseph’s brothers have to make the trek to Egypt to get food because god decided the world should go on diet. Luckily, Joseph had a metric fuck ton of food saved up. The brothers aren’t about to be let off so easily, Joseph accuses them of being spies and locks up Simeon […]

]]>EP16 (Genesis 42-44) So Joseph’s brothers have to make the trek to Egypt to get food because god decided the world should go on diet. Luckily, Joseph had a metric fuck ton of food saved up. The brothers aren’t about to be let off so easily, Joseph accuses them of being spies and locks up Simeon in jail. The sons of Israel are sent off with their own money in their sacks and told to bring the spoiled brat Benjamin back with them if they want any food. Jacob, or Israel, say no way Jose! Ruben brakes the test of wills by offering his own children in case Benjamin dies ensuring death for somebody!

]]>EP16 (Genesis 42-44) So Joseph’s brothers have to make the trek to Egypt to get food because god decided the world should go on diet. Luckily, Joseph had a metric fuck ton of food saved up. The brothers aren’t about to be let off so easily,]]>Canada Comedy116yes1:12:30DreamWeaver – (Genesis 38 – 41)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-shawshank-redemption-episode-015/
Tue, 03 Apr 2018 00:06:15 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=427EP15 (Genesis 38 – 41) In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled semen, or rather will put you to death for it. One can be redeemed by becoming a prostitute though so don’t despair. Next back to the dreamer and his fancy cloak. Joseph get’s #metoo’d but saves […]

]]>EP15 (Genesis 38 – 41) In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled semen, or rather will put you to death for it. One can be redeemed by becoming a prostitute though so don’t despair. Next back to the dreamer and his fancy cloak. Joseph get’s #metoo’d but saves the entire country from a famine by interpreting some night time work delusions. Praise yahweh!In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled semen, or rather will put you to death for it. One can be redeemed by becoming a prostitute though so don’t despair. Next back to the dreamer and his fancy cloak. Joseph get’s #metoo’d but saves the entire country from a famine by interpreting some night time work delusions. Praise yahweh!

]]>EP15 (Genesis 38 - 41) In this episode we find out that god does in fact cry over spilled semen, or rather will put you to death for it. One can be redeemed by becoming a prostitute though so don't despair.Canada Comedy115yes59:31A List of Useless Names – (Genesis 35-37)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-list-useless-names-episode-014/
Mon, 26 Mar 2018 20:34:42 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=402EP14 (Genesis 35-37) Kyle gives a hilariously bad summary of Bible up to this point. We then become Alt right anti-Semites for a bit before abandoning those dumb ideas to be scientific biblical literalists. Caleb becomes incredibly frustrated trying to read 3 pages of names and this is very funny to Kyle. Then Joseph the […]

]]>EP14 (Genesis 35-37) Kyle gives a hilariously bad summary of Bible up to this point. We then become Alt right anti-Semites for a bit before abandoning those dumb ideas to be scientific biblical literalists. Caleb becomes incredibly frustrated trying to read 3 pages of names and this is very funny to Kyle. Then Joseph the dreamer gets a really fancy coat.

]]>EP14 (Genesis 35-37) Kyle gives a hilariously bad summary of Bible up to this point. We then become Alt right anti-Semites for a bit before abandoning those dumb ideas to be scientific biblical literalists.Canada Comedy114yes1:14:17Birth of a Nation – (Genesis 32-34)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-birth-nation-episode-013/
Mon, 19 Mar 2018 22:35:01 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=398EP13 (Genesis 32-34) The hairy baby has grown into a hairy man and Jacob fears his twin Esau’s vengeance. He is so scared he wrestles with god all night and demands yet another blessing like the Jew he is. In the process he founds the nation of Israel out of stolen blessings. He sends his […]

]]>EP13 (Genesis 32-34) The hairy baby has grown into a hairy man and Jacob fears his twin Esau’s vengeance. He is so scared he wrestles with god all night and demands yet another blessing like the Jew he is. In the process he founds the nation of Israel out of stolen blessings. He sends his brother a bunch of animals and all is forgiven. Then Israeli’s first national act is to trick the people who wanna be friends with them into cutting the tips of their dicks off, then murdering them. We didn’t write this, Moses did.

]]>EP13 (Genesis 32-34) The hairy baby has grown into a hairy man and Jacob fears his twin Esau's vengeance. He is so scared he wrestles with god all night and demands yet another blessing like the Jew he is. In the process he founds the nation of Israel ...Canada Comedy113yes1:17:34Hitler’s Angel – (Genesis 30-31)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-biggest-pile-rocks-episode-012/
Tue, 13 Mar 2018 20:01:45 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=392EP12 (Genesis 30-31) In this episode of the bible beaters Jacob (the deceiver) uses the classic scam of peeling almond branches and putting them in the watering troughs of spotted or speckled goats in order to rip off his father in law of his fattest animals. After this somehow works, Jacob decides hes had enough of […]

]]>EP12 (Genesis 30-31) In this episode of the bible beaters Jacob (the deceiver) uses the classic scam of peeling almond branches and putting them in the watering troughs of spotted or speckled goats in order to rip off his father in law of his fattest animals. After this somehow works, Jacob decides hes had enough of his overbearing father in law and takes his two sister wives and flees. Rachel steals her dads gods (statues). Laban pursues and eventually catches up but then god speaks to Laban in a dream and tells him not tell Jacob anything good or bad. Immediately ignoring god’s warning Laban tells Jacob everything. Laban accuses Jacob of stealing his gods and searches every where for them but Rachel sits on em and says shes on the rag. Laban gives up and decides to make peace with Jacob. A heap of rocks bears witness to this momentous occasion.

]]>EP12 (Genesis 30-31) In this episode of the bible beaters Jacob (the deceiver) uses the classic scam of peeling almond branches and putting them in the watering troughs of spotted or speckled goats in order to rip off his father in law of his fattest a...Canada Comedy112yes1:23:18Two Chicks at the Same Time – (Genesis 29-30)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-two-chicks-time-episode-011/
Mon, 05 Mar 2018 10:48:33 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=385EP011 (Genesis 29-30) So Jacob stole his hairyness’ inHAIRitence. Well more specifically his birthright and blessing (which there is a finite amount of for some reason.) Esau the orangutan is pissed and vows to kill his bro. Jacob flees like the mama’s boy he is and whilst running away gets tired and has a nap […]

]]>EP011 (Genesis 29-30) So Jacob stole his hairyness’ inHAIRitence. Well more specifically his birthright and blessing (which there is a finite amount of for some reason.) Esau the orangutan is pissed and vows to kill his bro. Jacob flees like the mama’s boy he is and whilst running away gets tired and has a nap that inspired the greatest rock song of all time. Jacob ends up running into his uncle Laban who happens to have two daughters for Jacob to marry. Laban’s swindles the deceiver in to 7 years of labor to marry his own cousin and give Jacob the other sister. Jacob gets scammed into another 7 years for the cousin he really wants. Now he has both his cousins under one roof the sisters get in a baby making contest. Leah gets the upper hand so Rachel starts using her slaves vagina. Leah doesn’t wanna get left out so she employs her slaves vagina. chaos ensues.

]]>EP011 (Genesis 29-30) So Jacob stole his hairyness' inHAIRitence. Well more specifically his birthright and blessing (which there is a finite amount of for some reason.) Esau the orangutan is pissed and vows to kill his bro.Canada Comedy111yes1:17:23Deception is the Key – (Genesis 26-28)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-podcast-deception-key-010/
Mon, 26 Feb 2018 21:27:39 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=379EP10 (Genesis 26-28) our hosts start to suffer some real world consequences for merely reading god’s holy word. In the story, yet another famine strikes and god tells Isaac not to flee to Egypt but to stay among the philistines. Isaac uses his dad’s classic trick and pretends his wife is his sister to the […]

]]>EP10 (Genesis 26-28) our hosts start to suffer some real world consequences for merely reading god’s holy word. In the story, yet another famine strikes and god tells Isaac not to flee to Egypt but to stay among the philistines. Isaac uses his dad’s classic trick and pretends his wife is his sister to the dismay of the king. The philistines return the prank by filling in all his wells. A battle rages inside Rebekah’s womb for supremacy of the Jews. Twin boys are born, one is an orangutan the other is a crafty mama’s boy. Jacob steals the magic of “god’s favorite” blessing because there is a limited amount and not enough for everyone.

]]>EP10 (Genesis 26-28) our hosts start to suffer some real world consequences for merely reading god's holy word. In the story, yet another famine strikes and god tells Isaac not to flee to Egypt but to stay among the philistines.Canada Comedy110yes1:03:00Pickin Up Chicks – (Genesis 24-25)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-pickin-up-chicks-episode-009/
Mon, 19 Feb 2018 22:37:20 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=372EP9 (Genesis 24-25) Isaac is all grown up and the most eligible bachelor around. In keeping with his incestuous heritage Abraham sends his servant back to the homeland to find a wife for him from amongst his relatives. The diligent servant fulfills his quest and gets a hot babe named Rebekah for his new master […]

]]>EP9 (Genesis 24-25) Isaac is all grown up and the most eligible bachelor around. In keeping with his incestuous heritage Abraham sends his servant back to the homeland to find a wife for him from amongst his relatives. The diligent servant fulfills his quest and gets a hot babe named Rebekah for his new master and tells this story 5 times in a row. In a giant leap for feminism, this woman gets to choose for herself. Kyle tries vainly to shirk his reputation of a dumb-ass. Caleb gets interrupted more than usual.

]]>EP9 (Genesis 24-25) Isaac is all grown up and the most eligible bachelor around. In keeping with his incestuous heritage Abraham sends his servant back to the homeland to find a wife for him from amongst his relatives.Canada Comedy19yes1:03:41Take My Wife Please – (Genesis 20-23)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-take-my-wife-please-episode-008/
Mon, 12 Feb 2018 18:19:39 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=369EP8 (Genesis 20-23) After the destruction of the Sodomites Lot’s wife is turned into a pillar of seasoning. Since there are no men around Lot’s daughters come to the rational conclusion that they are forced to Bill Cosby their father to ensure the family line. Meanwhile, Abraham gets up to his old antics of pretending […]

]]>EP8 (Genesis 20-23) After the destruction of the Sodomites Lot’s wife is turned into a pillar of seasoning. Since there are no men around Lot’s daughters come to the rational conclusion that they are forced to Bill Cosby their father to ensure the family line. Meanwhile, Abraham gets up to his old antics of pretending Sarah is his sister and trading her to the king. God fulfills his promise and Sarah has a son in her old age which she (and we) find hilarious. Then, god tells his favorite person to subject his new son Isaac, whom Abraham loves, to a mock execution because he’s cool like that. At the end of episode Sarah dies and is buried in a place which Abraham pays full price and not a shekel more for.

]]>EP8 (Genesis 20-23) After the destruction of the Sodomites Lot's wife is turned into a pillar of seasoning. Since there are no men around Lot's daughters come to the rational conclusion that they are forced to Bill Cosby their father to ensure the fami...Canada Comedy18yes1:00:23Sodom and Gomorrah Destroyed – (Genesis 15-19)https://canadacomedy.ca/sodom-and-gomorrah-destroyed-007/
Tue, 06 Feb 2018 22:37:56 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=351EP7 (Genesis 15-19) The first thing god decides his favorite person has to do is circumcise himself and everyone he owns then change his name to Abraham. That is why this episode is called episode 7. The complaining about all the buttsex in Sodom gets so loud that god finally sends some angles… The townspeople […]

]]>EP7 (Genesis 15-19) The first thing god decides his favorite person has to do is circumcise himself and everyone he owns then change his name to Abraham. That is why this episode is called episode 7. The complaining about all the buttsex in Sodom gets so loud that god finally sends some angles… The townspeople try to rape the angels. God kills everybody again. Seriously, I can’t make that up.

]]>EP7 (Genesis 15-19) The first thing god decides his favorite person has to do is circumcise himself and everyone he owns then change his name to Abraham. That is why this episode is called episode 7. The complaining about all the buttsex in Sodom gets ...Canada Comedy17yes1:02:24Punished on Their Behalf – (Genesis 12-14)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-punished-on-their-behalf-006/
Mon, 29 Jan 2018 21:52:18 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=344EP6 (Genesis 12-14) We are introduced to Abram who becomes maybe the most important pimp of all time. God picks Abram as his favorite person and decides that he will bless his offspring over everybody else’s. There is a war between 9 kings but Abram wins with gods help.

]]>EP6 (Genesis 12-14) We are introduced to Abram who becomes maybe the most important pimp of all time. God picks Abram as his favorite person and decides that he will bless his offspring over everybody else’s. There is a war between 9 kings but Abram wins with gods help.

]]>EP6 (Genesis 12-14) We are introduced to Abram who becomes maybe the most important pimp of all time. God picks Abram as his favorite person and decides that he will bless his offspring over everybody else’s.Canada Comedy16yes1:04:55Tower of Babel – (genesis 9-12)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-tower-of-babel-005/
Mon, 22 Jan 2018 22:22:21 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=334EP5 (genesis 9-12) Humanity tries to repopulate after being destroyed in the floods. Somebody gets the idea of building a tower up to heaven but the lord god puts the kibosh on that dream by smiting people Chinese. Kyle gets upset that the bible has cliff notes.

]]>EP5 (genesis 9-12) Humanity tries to repopulate after being destroyed in the floods. Somebody gets the idea of building a tower up to heaven but the lord god puts the kibosh on that dream by smiting people Chinese. Kyle gets upset that the bible has cliff notes.

]]>EP5 (genesis 9-12) Humanity tries to repopulate after being destroyed in the floods. Somebody gets the idea of building a tower up to heaven but the lord god puts the kibosh on that dream by smiting people Chinese.Canada Comedy15Tower of Babelyes1:05:17Christmas Special – (Luke 2:1-20 NIV)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-christmas-special-004/
Mon, 15 Jan 2018 09:01:53 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=291EP4 (Luke 2:1-20 NIV) we recorded just before Christmas so we skipped ahead to the birth of Christ. This episode gets little hung up on source of the divine DNA for the son of god but some idiots have to ask the dumb questions. Don’t worry this episode also includes infanticide.

]]>EP4 (Luke 2:1-20 NIV) we recorded just before Christmas so we skipped ahead to the birth of Christ. This episode gets little hung up on source of the divine DNA for the son of god but some idiots have to ask the dumb questions. Don’t worry this episode also includes infanticide.

]]>EP4 (Luke 2:1-20 NIV) we recorded just before Christmas so we skipped ahead to the birth of Christ. This episode gets little hung up on source of the divine DNA for the son of god but some idiots have to ask the dumb questions.Canada Comedy14yes59:51Rainbow Hypocrisy – (Genesis 6-9)https://canadacomedy.ca/bible-beaters-rainbow-hypocrisy-003/
Tue, 09 Jan 2018 07:34:56 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=231EP3 (Genesis 6-9) God already regrets making mankind at all and decides to kill almost everyone. He does this by flooding the entire planet. Fortunately for living things god instructs Noah to build a big ass boat and put two of every kind of animal on it. Rainbows are involved somehow.

]]>EP3 (Genesis 6-9) God already regrets making mankind at all and decides to kill almost everyone. He does this by flooding the entire planet. Fortunately for living things god instructs Noah to build a big ass boat and put two of every kind of animal on it. Rainbows are involved somehow.

]]>EP3 (Genesis 6-9) God already regrets making mankind at all and decides to kill almost everyone. He does this by flooding the entire planet. Fortunately for living things god instructs Noah to build a big ass boat and put two of every kind of animal on...Canada Comedy13yes1:03:32Dumb Snakes – (Genesis 2-5)https://canadacomedy.ca/the-bible-beaters-podcast-dumb-snakes-episode-002/
Thu, 04 Jan 2018 06:24:41 +0000https://canadacomedy.ca/?p=193EP2 (Genesis 2-5) of the story takes a dramatic turn. The woman god put there causes the fall of all mankind and basically ruins life for everyone. Adam and Eve get kicked out of Eden and begin the arduous task of populating the entire earth. Due to overcrowding of the planet the first murder takes […]

]]>EP2 (Genesis 2-5) of the story takes a dramatic turn. The woman god put there causes the fall of all mankind and basically ruins life for everyone. Adam and Eve get kicked out of Eden and begin the arduous task of populating the entire earth. Due to overcrowding of the planet the first murder takes place and we find out why it is so hard to be a farmer.

]]>EP2 (Genesis 2-5) of the story takes a dramatic turn. The woman god put there causes the fall of all mankind and basically ruins life for everyone. Adam and Eve get kicked out of Eden and begin the arduous task of populating the entire earth.Canada Comedy12yes1:05:32