Thursday, June 22, 2006

Ozzie Guillen: Froot Loop

And no, that is not meant as a question to Ozzie's sexuality. The White Sox manager, as many of you have likely heard, has gotten into hot water for using a derogatory term for homosexuals when referring to columnist Jay Mariotti.

But who hasn't?

Of course, Guillen was forced to apologize and he went to the standard, “I’m not homophobic, my boyfriend is gay.” Actually, Guillen asserted his openness to homosexuals by saying that he will be attending the Gay Games (don't buy your tickets on Stub Hub), goes to ton of WNBA games and even went to a Madonna concert.

Seriously, a Madonna concert. And at this point, the WNBA should just drop any pretenses of who its league caters to and should put rainbows on their jerseys.

But still, Ozzie could be a little bit more convincing. Here are a few suggestions on how Ozzie could prove to the world that he is not homophobic. Because really, just going to a Madonna concert isn’t good enough. Please feel free to weigh in on the comments section.

Hey, I don’t blame Ozzie one bit for not wanting to talk to that homosexual reporter, either. I mean, you let these uppity homosexuals become reporters and the next thing you know, they want to get married. I have to tell you, I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I look at a young couple in love, like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and that, too me, is what a marriage is supposed to be. Now you want me to grant a couple of homos the same rights as Tom and Katie? You have to be kidding me. And don’t get me started about when Homos want to adopt, either.

I just want to assure the American people that I am doing my best to rid the world of homosexuals and it should work out just as well as my war on terror.

The Autumn Wind is a Hater!

The Hater Nation is back where it belongs. Turns out, we were too lazy to sellout. So unless somebody wants to give us $100K per year to tell McKenzie Phillips' jokes, we are probably going to be found here for a while.

Last and Ten Obvious Admissions We Would Like to See

10.Peter King admits it ... he really wants to sex up Brett Favre. And he wants to give Tom Brady a coffee enema.

9. Cowboys owner Jerry Jones admits that his face is as real as Joan Rivers' face.