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4/10/2012

Standing

The last couple of days, I've been askingMYSELF if
I should really be standing for my marriage. Is it truly what God has
in mind for me? I wrote it out in prayer, asking if this was His
intention and desire for me.
See, I know what His word says regarding marriage. I know how He has
turned me from seeking a divorce each time, but when you are personally
in the trenches and there is seemingly no one with you, it can be very
hard and extremely exhausting. Your emotions never know which way to
flip.
So, I've asked for a sign. Much like Thomas did when everyone kept
saying they saw Jesus after His resurrection. Thomas said I won't
believe until I see for myself and can place my fingers in His hands and
side. Jesus said blessed are those that don't see and still believe
(John 20:25,29).
Unfortunately, I'm one that needs to have proof and confirmation that
this is the way He would have me to go. Why? Because it is daunting
when the very one you are standing for will not even speak with you and
the few times he does, his words are cutting and hard. You think,
surely there is no love in his heart. Or you say to God, Lord I know
what Your word says regarding marriage, but have you heard this mans
tone and I know Joseph Lord and how hard and stubborn his heart can be.
How determined he is to never return or love again. And You want me to
believe that our marriage will one day be restored?

At which time, He brings to my mind,
Proverbs 21:1 - The king's heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord, He turns it wherever He pleases.

Seriously, what do you say to that? I couldn't say anything, so I just
opened my Bible to read a scripture my friend shared with me from her
reading. All highlights are my hearts cry to my Father, but that in red
is my deepest prayer beyond words...and yet here the very words are. I
don't know what sign the Lord will give me, but I trust He will lead
me, guide me, and teach me, in the way He would have me to go regarding
my marriage.

PSALM 143

1Hear my prayer, O Lord; listen to my plea! Answer me because you are faithful and righteous.2Don’t put your servant on trial, for no one is innocent before you.3My enemy has chased me. He has knocked me to the ground and forces me to live in darkness like those in the grave.4I am losing all hope; I am paralyzed with fear.5I remember the days of old. I ponder all your great works and think about what you have done.6I lift my hands to you in prayer. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain.Interlude

7 Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don’t turn away from me,
or I will die.8 Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning,
for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for I give myself to you.9 Rescue me from my enemies, Lord;
I run to you to hide me.10Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.11 For the glory of your name, O Lord, preserve my life.
Because of your faithfulness, bring me out of this distress.12 In your unfailing love, silence all my enemies
and destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.