about the life as an eighteen year old teenage girl

Unhappiness is simply a heavy, dark stone in your chest at the end of a sunny day. Unhappiness is the difficulty to put on a smile, even though when the joke was funny. Unhappiness is thinking you’re having a bad day, though when looking back nothing bad has happened so far. Unhappiness is the cold shiver, when you open your eyes in the morning, not knowing how to get out of bed. Unhappiness is the attempt of getting it together, not knowing where to start scraping.

But the worst of all: Unhappiness is the moment when you realize you have no right to be unhappy, yet you are anyways.

Let me tell you about my day. Sunny, temperature the high 70s, day off school, plans to go out shopping, and spend a chill day. Sounds good, doesn’t it? Now let me tell you about the cramps in my stomach, and the dark cloud over my head. Let me tell you, how when out to go shopping, you barely have the energy to speak and want to go back to bed. When at work, you cannot pull up a smile, because the customer seems to be discontent himself. When you walk home after being out for 3 hours, and it feels like you have not slept in four days. When your thoughts start wandering to why you are feeling that way.

And you have no fucking clue. You simply don’t know. You have no reason. You just do. And that is what kills me the most.