The 10 Things I Wish I Knew About The Holidays After Loss

December 7, 2018 | IN CHRISTINA'S BLOG/POSTS | BY christina

I started this letter at a time when nobody was writing about grief, or even about grief and the Holidays.

And those who were, were not discussing the elephant in the room.

The loneliness.

The deep sadness of the Holidays.

You see, happy seasons, are the saddest seasons for people who are grieving.

Even the sun shining brightly in the winter, can feel like loss.

Even bells ringing.

Carols.

People with gift bags walking down the streets can set you off.

The triggers are so many.

I put together a small list that can help just a little during the next few weeks.

1- Make this the most untraditional holiday you have ever had. If you normally celebrate with the tree, the big dinner and the works, try something completely different this year. Go to the beach instead, or stay in bed all day if you need to. Choose your way of the holidays and don’t feel guilty. This is YOUR life.

2- Speak the truth every day. Let it out. Scream it if you have to. It is YOUR voice.

3- Make a wish, but don’t stop there! Take one small action and use the Holiday season to begin something new. To make that wish come true. That is when you will start seeing the impossible become possible. Time does not heal all wounds, action does.

4- Change something inside your house. Even something that nobody else can see but you.

5- If you get invited to dinner and you don’t feel like going, say NO thank you and go and do whatever you want. Yes, whatever you want.

6- Stop buying gifts for people you don’t care about. As a matter of fact if you don’t feel like buying gifts don’t buy them. Don’t be trapped in that fake polite space after loss. You don’t need this pressure. Free yourself from the gift expectations and send an email to the people in your life telling them that you are going to do holidays your way this year.

7- Remember, it is just a few days of craziness and you have survived much worse, you can do this.

8- Buy something for yourself that is very unlike you. Building your new identity can start as a holiday gift to you.

9- Above all find a moment to say a prayer for yourself.

10- And in that prayer ask for what you need not just for the holidays but for every day after that.

This holiday season be true to you.

Even if it means people won’t like you anymore.

You have been through really hard times, who cares what they think.

I am not the most popular person, I don’t pretend to like people, or visit with anyone I don’t really want to see.

Loss has taught us that life is short and we should not be wasting trying to please other people when we are dying inside.

P.S If you are a therapist, social worker, coach, nurse, pastor, divorce attorney, biz leader who cares, doctor, oncologist, hospice volunteer, medical field leader and in a profession that serves the people who are suffering from loss, a medical diagnosis, tragedy of any kind, join me for a live video webinar about the Life Reentry Practitioner training on November 6th here: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-practitioner-webinar/

As we pull higher up, you start to see all the other rooms right next to yours.

Some of them are big.

With incredible views.

Others have many rooms in one space. Floors even.

And they connect to other rooms.

We keep going higher up.

And we see a whole city of beautiful rooms with many lives, and new dreams, breathtaking landscapes.

I am going to stop us for a second right here.

Take it all in, it is the truth.

The truth your mind has been trying to hide from you.

You have so many new possibilities.

There are so many choices.

Now we are going to go back, back to that room.

We descend slowly, with tears in our eyes, knowing how we nearly missed all these other rooms and lives we could have had.

You are now inside the old life, in your room.

You look around you and you now know this is no longer your life.

You grab your things. Not all of them, just enough.

And walk out.

Your next room won’t be visible at first as you come out of the old room.

But keep taking the steps.

All of a sudden you will see not just one new room but a few.

You will learn that in this next chapter after your loss, you have choices.

Options. You get to choose from a variety of rooms.

You get to be a room walker.

As you keep moving forward you find out what I found out.

That your life belongs to many rooms, and your keys in your pocket can open more doors than you ever thought were possible.

To thousands of rooms,

Christina

P.S. I heard your voices read your messages and I am bringing the Life Reentry class back. Live weekly with me teaching it alongside two incredible practitioners. We open registration here: https://lifereentry.com/life-reentry-class/ We have 100 spots. I hope you grab yours. Class starts September 25th.

Even the people I have now, maybe I have them for a thousand more days.

Maybe more, maybe less.

But my treasure chest lasts forever.

And is a grounding force in my life.

I hope you visit yours often too.

Even daily.

Even when you are celebrating, loving new people and having new experiences.

The treasure chest of loss belongs to us more than any other thing.

It holds together all of our lives. It is meant to stay.

And visited. Until, forever.

With birthday candles and new things to love

Christina

PS. Please join me this June in Arizona for the Life Reentry® Weekend. It will be an amazing, full two days of life reentry and being surrounded in a comforting environment, where your peers have been through the unimaginable like you have. Register here.

I jammed my thumb in the door of my car last Saturday.

The door closed completely.

Not just a little bit. But all the way, shut.

As if my thumb was not inside the door.

I nearly passed out but I had to find the strength to open the door to get my thumb back out.

In those seconds, I was overwhelmed with the pain.

But I was able to get my other hand to open the door.

Then the pain got so much worse. I iced it. I steadied myself.

I lost all color from my face.

And waited it out.

I am very quiet when I am hurting a lot.

If you were there, when the door closed on me you would have never known it.