Dragon Age II's ESRB report exposes all the naughty bits

Like late night TV warnings and descriptive movie ratings, ESRB video game reports have a habit of increasing interest in a given piece of entertainment, rather than protecting consumers from its deviant, vile influences. Case in point: the organization's recent description of Dragon Age II which warns players of off-screen fellatio, awkward sex analogies and bloody body parts (not necessarily in that order).

Above: "I don't want to talk about it..."

Beyond slapping BioWare's upcoming action-RPG's with a 'Mature' rating, the ESRB has provided a revealing report on the game's friskier content. Among the standard warnings of blood, guts and decapitation, the description also states:

"During the course of the game, characters sometimes engage in sexual dialogue (e.g., 'Why is it always about sex with you?' and 'Sailing is like sex. Do it wrong, and it'll make you sick.'). Players can also initiate brief cutscene sequences in which couples (male-female or same-sex) are shown kissing and embracing one another in a bedroom as the screen fades to black. In one cutscene, a woman kneels in front of a male character and appears to perform fellatio—there is no depiction of the sex act; the camera pans out to the rest of the room."

Couldn't she be tying his shoes? Fixing a zipper? Rubbing out a ketchup stain? Oh, ESRB, sometimes I think it's you who has the dirty mind.