— A man in Kansas City was arrested yesterday afternoon for sexually assaulting a woman on the sidewalk in the middle of the day. When the cops discovered him with his pants unbuckled trying to run away, he told them, "I thought that lady was dead." Oh man.

Apparently the victim was walking down the street and felt lightheaded so she sat down on the sidewalk and then passed out. This is when Melvin L. Jackson removed her underwear and sexually assaulted her. She came to when someone was yelling for the perp to get off of her. He did and a nearby police officer found him trying to fasten his pants and Jackson explained he touched "a lady's leg."