Knight Rider: "Knight Fever" Review

Stop it. Just stop it.

They could have done it. Literally, they had a chance to blow up the three actors that will soon not returning to Knight Rider. All three were trapped in a self destruct sequence. They should have just blown them up, but instead, they got saved at the 00:00:01 mark. Bruce Davison, Yancey Arias and Sydney Tamiia Poitier, or as they're more affectionately known, "the two old guys and the one girl too many" are off the show and this was their last hurrah. They could have at least thrown in a fake CG explosion and had them all get blown to bits. Hell, they had just done it earlier with an exploding house that was really just a bad CG quick exploding shot so it's not like it's impossible. By the way, when missiles get launched at a nice cabin in the woods and you don't get to see it blow up, it kind of sucks. Welcome to NBC's action show…with no real fire.

And yes, they had to activate the self-destruct mechanism for the entire lab at the end of the episode because Knight Industries managed to get freakin' infiltrated again! I've only been doing these reviews for a little while now, but Knight Industries has been broken into about nine thousand times. It's the worst command center ever. I don't even want to get into it all as it's all so soul-crushing. I've just been through weeks of writing yearly wrap ups and mentioning shows of merit that have been cancelled, yet this one continues to limp on and kick me in the ass with it's one good leg. Michael and Sarah are after a rogue virus that eats metal. I almost want to type that again to make sure that I'm not hallucinating due to a flu induced fever. It's a nano-virus, and it actually moves around like a little gray CG blobbum and attacks anything with a microprocessor. It's called the Arrow virus and it's somehow supposed to devour metal and turn it into an organic compound. I didn't even try to pretend like it was a viable plot device, I just kind of half-listened and half-stared at Deanna Russo's gorgeous eyes. For some reason, the heroes on this new Knight Rider always wind up fending off techno-bugs before they can infect something or other. It's probably some of the most under stimulating suspense pieces I've ever seen.

And Michael has never acted so douchey. He's so severely Frat Boy in "Knight Fever" that he actually gets KITT to say the term "Thanks, Brosif." Twice! It's unforgivable enough when a human being says that. And then he keeps referring to Sarah's scientist ex-beau Ryan Arrow as a "poindexter" and an "egghead." I'm sorry, was America clamoring for more Stifler on TV? Even KITT noticed that Michael was being extra creamy this time around. "I've never seen you act like this before," KITT points out, noticing that Michael's jealousy over Sarah is turning him into a worse primate than ever. But fear not, KITT is always present, as usual, to point out when someone's got a boner. This time it's Sarah, when he notes that she has elevated levels of serotonin and adrenaline while drunk dancing with Arrow at a bar.

Sarah and the fuzzy Ryan Arrow

Getting rid of cast members will not make this show better, but it does make sense. Literally, the opening scene had Michael chasing some guys on motorbikes and six people were watching the giant screen and making comments. That's all anyone does in that command base. Watch the giant screen. I feel like Knight Industries was getting raided so much because no one besides Michael or Sarah ever leaves the damn lab. This episode also saw KITT once again getting infected with a virus and everyone involved had to discuss whether or not he'd have to be deactivated. I feel like we're being given the same plots over and over and that the show consists of little more than a tech room with a giant screen and the open road. I do know that future episodes will deal with the reboot of KARR, a villainous vehicle from the original 80s series, so that might give me something a little meatier to chew on. I know it's going to be a giant battle-bot this time around, but it's to be expected after the success of Transformers. Most of the brainless fun of this new series is gone and now it's just a brainless chore to watch. Most of the action set pieces feel like they're only there to highlight a particularly raucous pop rock song, and so consequently they usually drag on just as long as the song itself.

It's still incredibly odd that they didn't just incinerate those three characters at the end. For the first time I find myself actually being curious about the next episode. How will a show this inept actually be able to explain the sudden disappearance of three of its main cast? There will certainly be no "boss" character around to scold all the young, hot rebels when they start to fill up with serotonin and adrenaline. KITT will still be around to embarrass them though.