Pages

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Things that go BOOM in the night!

I stuffed cotton in my ears last night and sat in the closet...Really. No joke. No, I don't have an ear infection or swimmer's ear and I have not been diagnosed clinically insane (at least not yet)... I just needed an escape, a refuge, SILENCE!

I couldn't stand it any longer. The noise. The commotion. The chaos. Is it too much to ask on the weekend to have a few moments of quiet? Time to meditate, to think. Better yet, time NOT to think?

That is an absolute impossible endeavor here. at my home. on the weekend.

First, you've got the usual neighborhood noises that, bar loading a BB gun and going all vigilante and such, are completely out of my control. There's the neighbor who measures his manhood by the size and number of tools he owns. He's got the edger that prepares for the cutter, followed by the trimmer, weedwacker and clipper which ultimately requires the blower. Oh yes, he's got them all and uses each and every one of them. Daily.

Then there's the other neighbor that erected what appears to be a miniature Disneyland in his backyard for the sole amusement of his charming horrid little girls hellions who learned to scream before they learned to walk or talk and have not stopped since..not for a second.. to which the parents respond by screaming at them for screaming! And that vicious cycle replays over and over and over....

Another neighbor, bless his soul, loves to party and is constantly creating reasons to celebrate. It's the first Saturday of the month! Celebrate!! It hit 90 degrees for the first time this summer! Celebrate!! The other neighbors little girls are screaming! Celebrate!! His celebratory action of choice? FIREWORKS!! BIG. LOUD. OBNOXIOUS. FIREWORKS!!

Don't get me wrong...I'm not against having fun. Heck, I enjoy a good time tying one on and dancing on the table. But, sometimes I just want some peace and quiet, down time.

This weekend though took the cake, pushed me over the edge, loosened my last screw!

If you didn't already know, I am a bleeding heart and, as such, have fallen into the role of Dr. Doolittle, the Animal Whisperer. Our most recent rescue is a cat, aptly named Porsche, small, fast and beautiful. Up until this week we were still not certain whether Porsche was male or female. It turns out Porsche is in heat, ergo a female! We have not yet gotten her to the vet so our only solution .. deal with it. I don't know if you are familiar with what "a cat in heat" entails but to give you an idea, imagine an incredibly adorable furry creature, butt high up in the air, letting out a constant, ear piercing, high pitched YooOOOoooowwwlllLLLL! All day, all night for 3 days (so far) .....

SOS, my son, unable to tolerate or show any bit of compassion for this poor, suffering critter, or his dozing father, decided instead to drown out the howling and snoring by blaring what he incorrectly classifies as music......

My daughter DDA and her friends, totally oblivious to either the agitated cat, her snoring father or her brother's rambunctious music, continued to cackle and banter in the back yard, not noticing my signs of distress, cries for help, looks of despair.... No, I was on my own, all this noise and turmoil around me, but no one to rescue me. I had to save myself....

I briefly considered pulling a Van Gogh (you can't hear anything if you don't have ears!) but settled for the less messy, less bloody, ummmmmmm less bizzare approach ...... I stuck cotton in my ears and sat in the closet!

Cat in heat. You didn't need to say more.Have you tried ear plugs? They seem to work for my husband. That's the only thing that could account for the fact that he never ever hears the children screaming, arguing, crying, bitching, moaning...