TERROR ALERT! Who’s Flying These Hot Air Balloons?

As the skies clear out and summer begins, hundreds of thousands of hot air balloons will take to the skies, but how do we know they can be trusted? Often these colorful contraptions go airborn, piloted by men and women who have not undergone background checks and the passengers? forget it. There are no air balloon marshals, no air balloon security checks, no system to prevent balloon highjackings, no way to know if the ballooners are already highjackers. Ballooning is a lawless occupation.

This balloon has been floating above a New Jersey suburb for the past two days. At heights of nearly 2000 feet, it’s impossible for those on the ground to see who’s piloting the hot air balloon, let alone whether or not the pilot has a bomb strapped to their chest. Given the speed at which it has been traveling, it will be another three days before we know whether this balloon is headed for New York City. If it manages to travel that far without being shot down by the air force it could cause mass casualties, gently colliding with a sky scraper, slowly descending and smothering the civilians on the street below.

Just how many balloonists are under ISIS control? At this very moment, balloons have been sighted in the national mall and on the outskirts of many national parks. Their colorful exteriors providing a pleasant distraction from the potential terror cell in the basket below. We can no longer look upon these balloons with joy, as Americans we must begin to question their origins. God forbid the Islamic State graduate to using our blimps or even worse… building their own zeppelins.