Corporations Ain’t People: Top 10 Responses

Corporations Ain’t People: Top 10 Responses

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are people, free to flood campaigns with cash contributions so that the voices of, well--real people--are drowned out, the stakes and emotions around this issue are high. Rightly so. Here are 10 creative replies to this monstrous decision (in no particular order). I welcome your own suggestions below.

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January 26, 2010

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are people, free to flood campaigns with cash contributions so that the voices of, well–real people–are drowned out, the stakes and emotions around this issue are high. Rightly so. Here are 10 creative replies to this monstrous decision (in no particular order). I welcome your own suggestions below.

1) "If corporations are ‘people’ then HEY it’s time to re-institute the draft…" —ddeclue, Democratic Underground

2) "Corporations are legally people. And it makes sense, folks. They do everything people do except breath, die, and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs into the Hudson River." —Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

3) "A corporation has no soul to be damned, no body to be kicked, and that is why corporations essentially get away with murder in matters like compensation." —Nell Minow, Editor and Founder, The Corporate Library

4) "Will SCOTUS give gay corporations the right to marry?"–@mattyglesias

5) "If corporations get the same privileges as people, then people should have the same privileges as corporations. BAIL US OUT!!" —munklanis, reddit.com

6) "Corporations are an oppressed minority forced to move headquarters from state to state in search of friendlier tax codes–sometimes being forced to live just off our shores in tiny mailboxes." —John Oliver, The Daily Show

8) "If corporations have the same rights as people, we need to shut down Wall St., as we shouldn’t be buying & selling them."–@Geofutures

9) "So the next time you’re walking down the street and you see ExxonMobile, or ChevronTexaco take them by the hand and say, ‘Hello.’ Take Diebold out for dinner but please don’t let Diebold figure out the tip. Isn’t Blackwater entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of billions in Iraq War contracts? You know what? Citigroup has two i’s too." –A Message About Corporate Personhood from Nero Fiddled

10) "Corporations have free speech. But they can’t speak like you and me. They don’t have mouths or hands. (Just A Giant Middle Finger.) Instead, they must speak the only way they can–through billions and billions of dollars."–Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

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"Now is the time for us to put in motion a great popular movement to amend the constitution to defend democracy against the champions of corporate plutocracy. Go to FreeSpeechForPeople.org."–Jamie Raskin, Maryland State Senator and Nation contributor

Now that the Supreme Court has ruled that corporations are people, free to flood campaigns with cash contributions so that the voices of, well–real people–are drowned out, the stakes and emotions around this issue are high. Rightly so. Here are 10 creative replies to this monstrous decision (in no particular order). I welcome your own suggestions below.

1) "If corporations are ‘people’ then HEY it’s time to re-institute the draft…" —ddeclue, Democratic Underground

2) "Corporations are legally people. And it makes sense, folks. They do everything people do except breath, die, and go to jail for dumping 1.3 million pounds of PCBs into the Hudson River." —Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

3) "A corporation has no soul to be damned, no body to be kicked, and that is why corporations essentially get away with murder in matters like compensation." —Nell Minow, Editor and Founder, The Corporate Library

4) "Will SCOTUS give gay corporations the right to marry?"–@mattyglesias

5) "If corporations get the same privileges as people, then people should have the same privileges as corporations. BAIL US OUT!!" —munklanis, reddit.com

6) "Corporations are an oppressed minority forced to move headquarters from state to state in search of friendlier tax codes–sometimes being forced to live just off our shores in tiny mailboxes." —John Oliver, The Daily Show

8) "If corporations have the same rights as people, we need to shut down Wall St., as we shouldn’t be buying & selling them."–@Geofutures

9) "So the next time you’re walking down the street and you see ExxonMobile, or ChevronTexaco take them by the hand and say, ‘Hello.’ Take Diebold out for dinner but please don’t let Diebold figure out the tip. Isn’t Blackwater entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of billions in Iraq War contracts? You know what? Citigroup has two i’s too." –A Message About Corporate Personhood from Nero Fiddled

10) "Corporations have free speech. But they can’t speak like you and me. They don’t have mouths or hands. (Just A Giant Middle Finger.) Instead, they must speak the only way they can–through billions and billions of dollars."–Stephen Colbert, The Colbert Report

* IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ACTION:

"Now is the time for us to put in motion a great popular movement to amend the constitution to defend democracy against the champions of corporate plutocracy. Go to FreeSpeechForPeople.org."–Jamie Raskin, Maryland State Senator and Nation contributor