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New ETF to Offer Fresh Ways to Lose Money

Just when you couldn't get enough exposure in the triple short financials, volatility, or natural gas-- a new, leveraged etf is coming out that will help you lose money even faster than before.

Today, State Street is unveiling it's newest product, the 3x Tulip Bulb Swap ETF (TUL). This instrument will give retail investors unprecedented access to the Tulip Bulb market, which was once only available to institutions and the House of Medici.

"By releasing this etf, we are giving the average investor the ability to diversify their portfolio in a way never before. You will now be able to hedge against any risk in the tulip bulb market," State Street's Arnie Goldberg commented. Arnie Goldberg has a Harvard MBA.

What once was only the domain of only sophisticated traders and quant shops, the tulip bulb market has garnered recent attention due to the large spikes in price, distorting global economies and local gardens.Holland's PM Jan Peter Balkenende

Holland, a net importer of tulips, has seen crippling prices as they are no longer to afford their large tulip fields. This event has caused tourism to drop, due to the fact that noone can use the tulip fields as an excuse to go to Amsterdam.

Holland's Prime Minister had deep concerns about the Tulip Bulb market."We are outraged by the price manipulators and speculators in Tulip Bulb swaps. They are dangerous, too complex, and should be banned," he said.

Still, others are hopeful that this new financial instrument will offer them the ability to put the final dagger in their family's 401(k).

David Yester, an part-time investor, has used exotic etfs since the 2008 crash. He has heavy allocations in FAZ and UNG, and is currently "building a position" in VXX. He welcomes TUL into his portfolio. "I don't understand it that well, but I know that it's going to buck the trend soon. All the blogs I've been reading have been calling for a spike in the tulip market, so it's going to revert some time, right?"

Regardless of the controversy, others simply welcome the ability for retail traders to talk about something else besides VXX. Howard Lindzon, CEO and co-founder of StockTwits a community powered ponzi scheme, looks forward to the new instrument. "Frankly, we're sick and tired of seeing the FAZ come across our streams. It's so 2008. Giving traders a new, highly leveraged etf like TUL will give us a fresh new angle for our community. I'm thinking of releasing a show on stocktwits.tv called 'TUL Thursday.' Should be a hit."

We'd like to hear from you. Will you be looking to dump 50% of your Roth IRA into TUL calls? Or are you simply going to average down in FAZ some more? Leave a comment and let us know!

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