My mother once said, “He loves you as much as he’s capable of loving anyone.”

I was recently reminded of her wisdom.

At the time my mom did not speak these words to me but even then it was clear she was speaking of her own truth and experience.

My father loved my mother. Unfortunately, drinking was an illness he was never able to conquer. Thus, over time my mother accepted he could only love her so much. Frankly, the bottle took precedence.

So exactly how much can broken people love?

I believe, borrowing from my mother’s wisdom – only as much as their illness allows.

When we fall in love with substance abusers, narcissists, and others who have types of abuse or mental health issues they are broken.

And fixers love to fix broken.

But we can’t.

And worse, they have no true ability to love us while we spend hours emotionally toiling away.

Trying to make life pretty for them.

Trying to guide them towards the help they need.

Trying to prove to them love conquers all – OUR LOVE.

Gradually breaking ourselves along the way.

As the quote goes…

“A girl once told me to be careful when trying to fix a broken person for you may cut yourself on their shattered pieces.”

I am not certain who those words can be attributed to – only that they speak the truth.

Yet, we sit in counselors offices trying to save a relationship which clearly can’t be saved. We ignore the wisdom of qualified professionals. We tenaciously choose this broken person who has hurt us over and over again because their illness limits their ability to love.

To truly, truly love us.

Only the broken can fix the broken.

Only they can choose help and awareness to conquer an illness which consumes them.

And as long as we believe broken people can love…

They will remain broken.

Because ironically the fixer is aiding their brokenness.

There is no incentive to put themselves back together while their wounds are lovingly attended to.

Sadly, it allows too much light into their broken world –

When it needs to be dark enough to be forced to reignite their own light.