Friday, April 18, 2008

So I was taking a study-break this afternoon when a couple of friends pointed me to the website of a Mr. Tucker Max, which begins with the following introduction:

My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole.

I get excessively drunk at inappropriate times, disregard social norms, indulge every whim, ignore the consequences of my actions, mock idiots and posers, sleep with more women than is safe or reasonable, and just generally act like a raging dickhead.

But, I do contribute to humanity in one very important way. I share my adventures with the world. They are known as:

The Tucker Max Stories

Appreciating the temporary escape from the likes of Doyle, Moravcsik, and Simmons, I actually laughed at a couple of his tales, all involving sexual escapades of some sort. It only took me a while, however, to begin feeling disgusted. If these stories are true - and I am agnostic insofar as casting a verdict on their veracity is concerned - then this guy isn't kidding: he really is an asshole. For instance, check this out:

10:20: We station ourselves in the kitchen. A fat girl walks in. It's game time. "Well, say goodbye to all the leftovers."

10:21: Apparently, this fatty seems to think she can hang. The Medina Division made better tactical decisions:

Fatty "What did you say?"Tucker "Can you not hear me? Are your ears fat too?"Fatty [Look of astonishment, stares at my friends cracking up] "EXCUSE ME?"Tucker "I'm sorry. Really I am. [I open the fridge] Would you like cheesecake or chocolate cake? Probably both, I'm guessing."Fatty [Turns and leaves in utter astonishment]Tucker "Hey Sara Lee, I was only kidding! COME BACK HERE--MY FRIEND LIKES TO GO HOGGIN. MORE CUSHION FOR THE PUSHIN! IT'S LIKE RIDING A MOPED!!"

Tucker has arrived.

There are three things to note here. First, this guy is an absolute prick. Second, he seems to take a certain amount of pride in his words and actions, a pride that is awfully bewildering to me. Third - and here's the kicker - he's successful, only for being an asshole. His book is in Amazon's top 200 for crying out loud.

I don't begrudge most people their success - even Paris Hilton is completely legit in my book - but this is ridiculous. He, like Ann Coulter, is feeding off of a persona that the average person detests and yet - as the numbers suggest - is irrevocably drawn to. The analogy of having to stare at a car wreck or a dog with a broken leg is fitting I think.

I don't really say this about anyone - even my worst enemies - but I really do hope this guy dies a slow and painful death, very soon. Read some of his stories if you think I'm being over the top.

6 comments:

I should try this guys angle. While I wouldnt say I'm a COMPLETE asshole, I am very obnoxious. You think there's a market for anecdotes featuring an overly obnoxious and irritating protagonist.

By the way, these are the kind of posts which I really do enjoy, partly because theyre so rare. Where you (and im not saying you always do it well) deconstruct human nature or motivation. Maybe I've put it crudely. More pshychologically oriented posts. I think u tried to do the same with the Elliot Spitzer thing but you didnt follow through with your discussion.It IS interesting how people are drawn to these unlikeable personalities. They definetly find them more interesting than the average joe. You can see it in the reality shows - the jackass, chutia or troublemaker are usually audience favorites in terms of people less likely to be voted off early in the show

tucker max enjoys what i like to call the 'bob saget phenomena'. you realize what he's saying is *so* wrong, and whilst you simultaneously feel guilty about it, you can't help but laugh your ass off at his tales.

i came across this site when i was still in college, and i think the kicker here (especially for ahsan) is that tucker max is a u. chicago alum.... also duke law school.

I'm sorry, Asad, but I think you can absolutely help laughing your ass off. His treatment of and comments about women in particular, but people in general, are despicable. They really are. I mean, did you *read* the excerpt I copied-and-pasted?

As for the U of C bit, yeah I knew that (that's how it came up in conversation with my friends). The Duke law school bit is news to me.

I came across this guy's book in the Barnes and Nobles. I got the impression that he was doing something similar to Borat..kind of like pushing people's limits to see how far he can go, but I could be wrong and he could just be one those smart assholes who decided to profit from being a bastard.