SEPTEMBER SONG

Good News: We may not have computer meltdown when the Y2Klock tics that dreaded first nanosecond after midnight on Jan. 1. 2000 after all.

Bad News: That's because meltdown already would have occured on September 9, 1999, or 9/9/99 in the Cobol code that created the Y2K crisis by dropping the 19 from dates.

99, it seems, was not just Maxwell Smart`s girlfriend back in the '60s (make that 1960s). It was the universal code to show that a program has completed its work and needs to quit.

Check it out at www.mitre.org where the prestigious Mitre Corp. think tank explains the new bug in depth.

THE WEB OF HATE

Some needed relief

Nothing funny to Buz about here but the world should know that the Anti-Defamation League of B'nai B'rith (www.adl.org) just finished a $30 software package called Hate Filter that will allow parents to protect their children--and themselves for that matter--from inadvertently calling up hate-oriented Web sites.

It's pricey at $30 up front and then $30 a year for needed updates as hate group jerks put up new sites, but the software censors only hate speech and the censoring is done by the ADL's legendary investigative researchers.

PACIFYING PARENTS

YOU'VE GOT FEVER

Hot news for proud owners of new babies at Kmart, Phar-Mor, Babies R Us and other outlets is Tender Temp Pacifier-Style Thermometer ($10) that monitor's a baby's temperature every 5 minutes and plays a lullaby if a fever is detected.

Consider the alternative.

BBB ON-LINE

PRIVACY HOTLINE

The national Better Business Bureau organization that acts as a pacifier between sellers and angry customers soon launches a Web customer privacy guideline program to keep Macy's from telling Gimbel's what color of underwear you prefer if you don`t want Gimbel's to know.

BBB officials said a seal of approval will go only to Web sites that clearly inform visitors what information is being collected about them and what the site owner plans to do with it.

Then, if you suspect somebody has violated your privacy you can go tell the Better Business Bureau. That'll fix 'em.

HAIL TO THE CHIEF

BINARY BAIT

Water cooler gossips will love the latest come-on offering by managers of the Edgar Online Web site where one can, for a $10 monthly fee, call up documents that corporations must file with the Securities and Exchange Commission.

Point to www.edgar-online.com/people for a free 30-day trial of a service that searches proxy statements to display a company's top brass' salaries, stock holdings, options, perks and assorted other top-floor trivia that's none of your business.