Monday, October 12, 2015

31 Days of Infertility...Day 01 - Clarity

I started this devotional today. The great thing about this book is it's an e-book. Read it on your phone, read it on your iPad, your Kindle, your computer or even print it out and carry a copy with you. There is never a better time than RIGHT NOW to focus your attention on God. He is always focused on you!

I've struggled for many years with infertility and the biggest obstacle was always finances. When we started TTC in 2009, we knew we had the odds against us. But fertility treatments were just not in the cards for our family. So we put IVF on hold, indefinitely, and said "If it happens, it happens." The hope and despair I felt were overwhelming. I became a shell of myself. I was lost, confused and hopeless. I didn't know where to turn, I didn't know what to do.

Which leads me to Day 01 in the 31 Days of Infertility Devotional.

and Day 01 starts with Praying for Clarity

See, why didn't I think of that!? Here I am praying to God the same prayer over and over, because like Lisa over at Amateur Nester, I was terrible at prayer. I know...you are probably thinking how can you be terrible at talking to God?? Ahhhh, but I am. Having a conversation with God is not an easy task for me. I drift, I lose focus, I lack CLARITY for what I desire to say to Him. Day 01 focuses on talking to God about areas I am lacking clarity. So today I am asking God to give me clarity, not just with our infertility journey, but with my life. I seek His clarity to guide me in my decisions. Day 01 ends with a reading from Psalms 119. These verses stuck out to me. I take comfort in the suffering I've endured because at the end, His promises will preserve me. He outstretches his arms to embrace me. How wonderful is that!

"I have sought your face with all my heart; be gracious to me according to your promise. I have considered my ways and have turned my steps to your statutes. I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands." - Psalms 119:58-60

I pray for clarity, as I cannot see the light to know the path of which I walk.
I pray for eyes to see the person He loves instead of the person I think I am.
I pray for the strength to let go of the things I can't change.
I pray for peace within my soul.
I pray. I pray. I pray.

A Special Thank You

To my husband for your loyalty, your faith in our marriage and your devotion to our family. I never want to know what it is like to go through life without you by my side. Thank you for allowing me to pour it all out on the Internet. Thank you for your support. Thank you for loving me, even when I'm not lovable. I love you Daddy Bun!