I had the system that is supposed to help me, hurt me. I have seen it hurt others. I have seen this place break a Soldier down. I have seen the hope slowly leeched from a Soldier. Vibrant and full of pride, ready to be healed and return to the fight, broken down, spirit trampled, and hope taken from them. I have seen it. And I have been that Soldier.

Many things we do here are behind closed doors. Spoken to sternly, but then documented as a euphemism for what has really happened… We are told to address our problems to the broken system instead of the media. Has this not been done before? If this works why is it that it takes going to the media to get anything done? To have those ineffectual and derelict people removed from the system?

I may not ever be able to change anything. But maybe I will be able to change me. Maybe this will give me a place to scream into the void when my screams fall on deaf ears.

I need to write. I need to tell my story. I need to let go of all of this.

At about 9:30 my platoon sergeant came and beat on my door. Nothing wrong with that. Accountability is a prime function of any good NCO. He poked his head in my door. Took a look at the bathroom… and said
I needed to go on sick-call so that I can get quarters. Quarters is basically a doctors recommendation that a Soldier be confined to barracks so that they may recover. Unfortunately, it is also a lengthy and tedious process here at WRAMC.

First, you have to go to the platoon office. Wait for them to show up from the morning cigarette/coffee break. Get a sick call slip. Sign-in. Secondly, you go to sick-call in BLDG 2, and wait. And wait and wait some more. You are examined by a doctors who tells you what you already know. Given a prescription for over the counters that (if you are smart) already have. You make your way to the pharmacy, and wait. And wait. And wait some more. Thirdly, you take your quarters slip back to the platoon office. Praying that someone will actually be there because more than likely the people that need to sign off on the quarters slip will be in training or a meeting. Yes, a doctors recommendation for quarters has to be approved by the command. And lastly you return to your quarters to resume being sick. But now you have been authorized to be sick according to Army standards.

Quarters, in and of itself, is a double-edged sword. Yes you can stay home, and be sick in your own bathroom.
Catch up on your soap opera’s. Even do some of the paperwork that needs to be done for your VA benefits. But what you can’t do it. Start feeling better and go to Target, go use to pay phone in another building, go to the gym. Basically, if someone where to come by you need to be in your room, or have a good excuse why you were not, ie

So in response to my platoon sergeant’s request to go to sick call, I simply declined saying that I would stay in my room, take my own meds, tough it out, call in at the end of the day, and see him tomorrow.

One thing you learn here at Reed is that no one looks out for you as much as you do. And that you need to be healthy and on your feet to look out for yourself. There is too much to be done to leave this place, and being sick isn’t one of them.