Hello and Welcome To A Slice Of Soap. So what’s going on in soapland this week? Let’s find out.

Coronation Street w/e Friday January 2

Reflecting on the Christmas episodes of Coronation Street and…they were OK – nothing more, nothing less. However, I nearly choked on a turkey bone at the sight of Rosie throwing herself at one of those chavvy Windasses – on what planet would that happen, please? Rosie wouldn’t look at him twice normally. I can only conclude that the writers have run out of men for her to flirt with. Talking of flirting, I see the Corrie writers are still not listening to me about Lloyd (Craig Charles). How many times do I have to say that the obvious answer about what to do with him romantically is to pair him with Kelly Crabtree?! You make them the new Jack and Vera Duckworth – job done.

Anyway to this week, hold on to your dinner as the unlikely romance blossoms between Street-bike Liz and Lloyd. Pam and Darryl come up with a bright idea to make bio-fuel from chip-shop-fat which will have an explosive ending. Peter’s determined to prove to Leanne and Blanche that he isn’t drinking. Liz is jealous over Lloyd (good grief). It’s New Year’s Eve on Coronation Street and some people are in more of a mood to celebrate than others. Becky’s getting sick of waiting for Steve to become a free man. Liz and Lloyd are fed up of meeting in secret but neither of them want to break the news of their relationship to Steve. Michelle’s planning a trip to Ireland but Steve’s not too keen. Joe’s getting more and more agitated at Gary Windass. Steve’s intrigued about the identity of Lloyd’s mystery woman. The night comes and goes with a bang for everyone on’t cobbles.

Also on Coronation Street this week:Janice makes a new acquaintance Emily’s growing increasingly concerned about JedIt’s a bad day for Molly and Tyrone

Emmerdale w/e Friday January 2

A month-long study into drinking habits in the rural soap has found that a third of Emmerdale’s residents would be classified as "depressed drinkers" according to Department of Health guidelines. Researchers from Derby University studied the drinking behaviour of all the adult characters over one month – 20 half-hour episodes – and counted an average of 17 units of alcohol were downed on each programme. All that drink is probably necessary for the people behind the show too if you go by the Christmas ratings; Emmerdale’s double-length Xmas day edition drew 4.76m…then again, it was scheduled against the BBC’s Doctor Who. Still, things weren’t that great on Boxing Day either – just 5.03m tuned in. Not good. Let’s hope things improve in 2009.

So, the mystery of the body under the lake will be a mystery no longer by the end of this week. Victoria’s nightmares continue and Diane suggests a trip to a psychiatrist. Rodney dodges questions about the financial windfall from the shoot. Brenda’s horrified when Gennie decides to go on an 18-30 holiday alone. Eli’s alarmed to find Jasmine loitering by the lake… Lily’s suspicious when she spots Leyla coming out of the factory on a day off. Marlon presents Donna with an infinity ring on her birthday but her mind’s still on Ross. At the Woolpack, few are up for New Year’s celebrations. Donna’ tells her shell-shocked husband that she had an affair with Ross. Val’s uncomfortable at Daz and Victoria’s growing closeness. Marlon tells the police his theory for why he thinks Ross killed Shane. Lexi advises Carl to arrange Matthew’s burial in order to give Jimmy some closure. Will Anna return in time for the funeral? Victoria helps Daz out at the factory, leaving Scarlett feeling sidelined.

Also on Emmerdale this week:Victoria’s angry that Diane thinks she’s crazyLily finds out that Leyla’s sleeping rough in the factoryMarlon tries to frame Ross

EastEnders w/e Friday January 2

If there’s one thing the residents of Albert Square know how to do better than anyone else in soapland, it’s how to have an utterly miserable Christmas…but don’t we just love ’em for it. Did your eardrums survive Sean ‘Shout!’ Slater’s verbal onslaught when he found out that Amy wasn’t his baby? If they did, count yourself lucky; I’ve now resorted to using subtitles until my hearing fully recovers. To this week’s action and Sean’s vanished with baby Amy, leaving Roxy distraught. I still can’t warm to the Mitchell sisters and I’m beginning to think I never will. I can’t put my finger on why, but if you gave me a choice between watching ‘Enders with the Mitchell bruvvers or Mitchell sisters, I know which one I’d choose each and every time. Phil’s lost without his ‘bruv’ and has been for years. Bianca’s getting sick of the new saintly Janine and Whitney’s still trying to come to terms with things.

Sean’s holed up in a squat with baby Amy, but what will be his next move? ‘Nasty’ Nick Cotton fills his mother in on on what his life has been like for the past few years. Whitney wells up looking at pictures of her biological mother and decides to find her. Peggy’s furious when Nick turns up at The Vic. Sean and Stacey have a chat and he hands baby Amy over. At R&R, Jack has a surprise visitor who asks an unexpected favour of him. Disaster strikes for Roxy and Sean. At her hearing, will Tanya plead guilty or not guilty? Janine and Whitney have a heartfelt conversation. Denise quietly remembers Kevin. Peggy welcomes the Jackson clan at the Vic. Can Stacey risk telling Jean the truth about Sean? Max gets told terrible news by Lauren…

Also on EastEnders this week:Bradley leaves Dot’s housePatrick tries to cheer Whitney upJack wants to try again with Ronnie

Hollyoaks w/e Friday January 2

Well, they say that confession is good for the soul and just as well; it probably won’t do Hollyoaks’ viewing figures any harm. In a must-see episode to be aired this Tuesday, Calvin cracks and tells Sasha that he killed Nige…Ooooh! But as we move forward, looking back for just one moment – it’s been a fantastic year for storylines in Hollywoodoaks. The one that has stayed with me the most is Max Cunningham’s heartrending death. There wasn’t a dry eye in the house…. Can Hollyoaks build on its momentum in 2009? I’m willing to bet it does. This week, Ste tries to convince Justin not to abandon him for Leila. Newt’s having problems with being the man of the house so Darren gives him some advice. Calvin’s becomingly increasingly fed up with his life in Hollyoaks.

Lauren’s frustrated at not being able to see Newt. Rhys and Cindy are set the challenge of selling the most raffle tickets for a night at The Dog. Zak convinces Ash to give him a day’s trial working back at Relish. It’s New Year’s Eve and it’s also Lauren’s 16th birthday. Archie’s throwing a New Year’s Eve party in halls and Hannah’s gutted that she’s got a huge zit on her forehead – yes, we’ve all been there, haven’t we? Sasha can’t bear to look at Calvin after he revealed that he killed Nige. Newt and Lauren wake up in each other’s arms. Rhys and Hannah arrive back from the party having experienced very different fortunes. Sasha wakes up to find Calvin hanging over her, desperate to talk about why he killed Nige. Zak and Ash wake up after a night in the cells determined to get revenge on Gaz. Mike can’t work out why there’s so much tension between Sarah and Zoe. Rhys tries to tell his sister that she’s made a big mistake by sleeping with Matt and Mercedes has her second HIV test….

Also on Hollyoaks this week:Mercedes and Malachy return to Hollyoaks marriedWarren struggles to keep up with the care of SpencerA confused Zak gets arrested for assaulting Gaz

That’s it for now. Join me on Wednesday for more soap news and gossip. Got a comment about your favourite soap, this blog or anything else? Share it with me.