The Facts About Bottled Water

This infographic saved my life. I used to do everything with bottled water, drink, cook, brush my teeth, bathe, but now I know the truth! Only 60% of bottled water is actual bottled water and not tap water. Man, I wish I started a water bottling company. I could just pay for water from the city, then sell the water for a buck each — cha-ching! I wouldn’t be ripping people off, bottled water companies are already doing that.

My water would be as good or better than the cheating 40% of companies. I think we can all agree Austin has great quality water. I’m not talking to you, you fluoride conspirators. I think Donald Trump has his own bottled water with his face on it. I’d totally stick my face on mine. Think of it, every time you reach for refreshment, you see me! What could be more refreshing?

I think I’m going at this at the wrong way though. I’m supposed to be trying to stop people from using water bottles, not selling my own. I’m pretty sure when you don’t recycle a water bottle it travels to that gigantic sea-mass of tiny bits of plastic. The plastic must be trying to collect so much of itself that one day it can make some awesome transformer move and take over the human race. Or an equally evil plan of killing dolphins and other sea-life.

Yeah, so stop using water bottles. Go get yourself a Nalgene. They are only like 10 bucks and will last longer than you will. You can give it to your grandkids on your deathbed so they can brag about it at music fests.