Two Wheels. One Dark Lord.

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Happy Monday

Got in what really might have been my second mountain bike ride of 2008 with my boy McClane yesterday. Fucking kid is crazy. Him and his little under-roo running around in girl pants.

Two hours of prime time Sedona single track and sunshine was all right with me. In fact, I may be doing more of that in the near future. Like every chance I get.

As it should be, as it should be.

To: Google, and the Google Maps team
We would like a ‘Bike There’ feature added to Google Maps – to go with the current ‘Drive There’ and ‘Take Public Transit’ options.

The feature would take into account actual bicycle lanes from the locality being mapped, and it would automatically plan a route for a bicyclist, possibly even providing the cyclist options for either the most direct route, or the most bicycle-friendly (safest) route. The Google Maps-based third party site, byCycle.org (http://byCycle.org/), provides these features for two metro areas – Portland, Oregon and Madison, Wisconsin, and there are countless other mapping initiatives around the world aimed at accomplishing the same goal. We hope that Google will consider building this feature into the core Google Maps service.
Check it: www.petitiononline.com

Might help a brother like me actually care about that site. Otherwise, yeah, another drink kind sir!

From: Corey the Courier
Subject: My character flaw
Feeling energetic today I was joking with my co-worker Tony while rolling down 7th Avenue. In the midst of the chaos surrounding Madison Square Garden, my keen eyes did observe a dollar bill blowing through the traffic like a tumbleweed. I immediately dodged a few cars to stop so I could change direction and track this wandering piece of currency. I waited for a few more cars to pass before venturing to claim my prize. With the wind gusting, I had to time my pounce to perfection. I shoved my wheel in position to catch it lest a puff of air sent it scrambling. I put a foot on it, immediately grabbing the crisp bill soon after.

I was jubilant. I cheered: “GROUND SCORE!” I turned to resume my southward direction on 7th Avenue when a rather large fellow began walking in my direction. “OK, you can give me that now”.

“What?” “Yeah, right.” With diabolical glee, I scurried away through a brand new red light with the crumpled bill in my hand shouting: “Finders keepers losers weepers”. The look on the face of the tall stout fellow was jaw-droping disbelief and disgust.

As I rolled down the next block I shook the dollar bill over my head in triumph.

Guess where I’m spending it…

Hey man, when you got it, you got it. No need to hide it.

Remember Exxon Valdez?

Yeah, so does everyone in Cordova.

Five years after the disaster a court in Anchorage found in favour of more than 32,000 plaintiffs – many of them from places like Cordova – who had brought a joint action for punitive damages against the tanker’s owners Exxon Mobil.

In a nutshell, the plaintiffs had argued that the oil spill had wrecked the fishing industry which underpinned the entire local economy and had effectively destroyed their livelihoods.

The award was a record $5bn.

…But none of the plaintiffs has received a cent because for the past 14 years Exxon Mobil has been appealing.
Check it: news.bbc.co.uk

“Every so often I just wish that it were a little more of an even playing field but, you know, I play on whatever field is out there.”

Is she fucking kidding me? You think it was a level playing field for Nita Lowey as she was bigfooted out of a New York Senate seat for the carpet-bagging former president’s wife? You think it was a level playing field when Clinton bullied and cajoled and intimidated every Democrat to back her a year ago? You think it’s a level playing field when you deploy a former president to tear down your opponent?

Clinton has more privilege, more clout, more intrinsic unearned advantages in this race than any non-incumbent Democrat in living memory. And still she failed. And still she whines. There are moments when you almost feel pity; and then you realize what a petty shameless narcissist she is.
Check it: andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com

Oh snap!

Tomorrow she either wins Texas and Ohio or packs it in. Oh, I just can’t stand the excitement.

Yo, anyone but Bush, now what I’m saying?

Graeme emailed me this next one and said “No upside to this but…”

Text driver jailed for bike death
Kiera Coultas was also banned from driving for five years
A motorist who was texting on her mobile phone when she hit and killed a cyclist has been sentenced to four years in prison.

Jordan Wickington, 19, died from head injuries when he went through a red light and was struck by Kiera Coultas’s car in Southampton in February 2007.

The 25-year-old from Hythe, Hampshire, was driving at 45mph in a 30mph zone.

…Sgt Alyson West, of Hampshire Constabulary, said the ruling would hopefully discourage others from using their mobile phones while driving.

“Today’s sentence will not bring back Jordan Wickington. However, it will hopefully help to deter drivers who continue to flout the law by using their mobile phones while driving.

From: Lois
Subject: Kendra Moore, park service knucklehead
Hi,
Never sent a rant before, but the Gray One and I were just riding along in Sunset Crater Monument, and one Kendra Moore, PhD candidate (she told me so. really. like I would have more respect, tee hee) snuck up behind us and turned on her siren. Fortunately, the Gray One and I have good hearts and don’t fall off our bikes when this happens. She told us how all these cyclists were using her road without paying and where was our card. I didn’t bring my Park pass, but I always have in the past…and no one ever checks it. (wastes $50 every year). So, the Gray One tells her how she needs to rub our noses in it and make sure the federal government…blah blah blah. I finally told her she herself was part of why the cyclists gave her shit. You go guys. No. I mean it. I am going to buy my new pass but make her run me down every time. Then I’ll wipe it thru my sweaty butt and give it to her (is this the right tone for drunk cyclist?)

About big jonny

The man, the legend. The guy who started it all back in the Year of Our Lord Beer, 2000, with a couple of pages worth of idiotic ranting hardcoded on some random porn site that would host anything you uploaded, a book called HTML for Dummies (which was completely appropriate), a bad attitude (which hasn’t much changed), and a Dell desktop running Win95 with 64 mgs of ram and a six gig hard drive. Those were the days. Then he went to law school. Go figure.
Flagstaff, Arizona, USA