An Urgent Address to the Toy-Box Delegates of Pug-Slope-ia

November 11th, 2011 by Jenn

“Thank you, my loyal delegates of the toy-box district of Pug-Slope-ia, for gathering today around the King’s palace. Some of you may not have been graced with my presence before, and to you I apologize. But here I lie before you today, your prince, Siddhartha Lamont, Duke of Lamont, and one-day ruler of all territories within Pug-Slope-ia…

“As you may have heard, something strange is afoot in the kingdom. A rumor has spread that my parents, the very strict and very treat-withholding King and Queen of Pug-Slope-ia, are embarking on a journey “Upstate” for approximately two days and two nights. The rumor goes on to state that while they are gone, a woman named “Fun Aunt Liv” will be entering the King’s palace as a sort of surrogate authority, overseeing all walks, meal-times, treats and slumbers. They’ve given ultimate power to this “Fun Aunt Liv” rather than entrusting their only son – me – to rule as he sees fit…

“As the rightful heir to the throne, I say ENOUGH with their dismissive attitude towards my ability to manage this kingdom and the out-dated and way-too-strict limitations they place on the amount and types of food I am allowed to eat. I will not stand for this betrayal of the royal hierarchy, and I command that you, my loyal subjects, follow suit. The uprising should be quick and painless, for, you see, I have met this “Fun Aunt Liv.” She once entered the kingdom while the King and Queen were away, immediately fed me a delicious meal, and promptly left the premises – all with nary a coercion to “go for a dreaded walk” or “sit in my throne while my food is prepared.” Usurping her authority will not be difficult.”

“What will you ask of us, my lord?”

“Aye, good froggie, I am asking you, my dear, loyal subjects, to help me make this the weekend the oppression ends. This will be the weekend we win the freedom to ingest everything we ever dreamed of ingesting – earphones, tea-light candles, paper towels, chapstick – tubes and tubes of chapstick! Entire packages of flour tortillas. Ear plugs. Giant loaves of garlic bread. Newman-O’s. Twelve-gallon bins of kibble! I see before me an entire army of my toys here in defiance of tyranny. You have come to fight as free toys, and free toys you are. What would you do without freedom? Will you fight?”

“We are toys. We can’t even eat food. Why fight? We will run and we will live.”

“Aye, good fish-sandwich toy, that is true. Fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live — at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but THEY WILL NEVER TAKE OUR FREEDOM!!!”

(…crickets…)

“Seriously?”

“Eh…”

“Well, then, I banish thee! I banish thee ALL back to the toy box!! Good day to all of you!”

“But-“

“I said GOOD DAY!”

*****

Everybody please wish our incredibly brave friend Olivia the best of luck as she takes on the task of watching our beloved-yet-headstrong pug for the weekend. She’s quite good with dogs and very familiar with Sid’s…hunger…for life, so hopefully the weekend will be relaxed, enjoyable, and free of canine mutiny!

4 Responses to “An Urgent Address to the Toy-Box Delegates of Pug-Slope-ia”

Oh Sid *sigh* you are so brave at heart! Hehee! I can’t believe those toys would not join you. You will have to teach them all a lesson for sure. This is actually so funny, but I’ve been working on a post about how to rule over your toys. I will have to come up with a name for my domain just like you did. I love Pug-Slope-ia! I will be hoping that Fun Aunt Liv falls victim to your cuteness and gives you all the treats you want! You look so adorable with your froggie that I’m sure it will work. Try to have a good weekend and tell your parents to travel safe.
Love,
Payton

Has someone been watching “Braveheart” again? I, Your Royal Servant Noodles, do humbly throw myself into the fray to fight for that extra nibble of peanut butter. . . that double serving of chicken . . . that absolutely abandon of all restriction on food, fun and frivolity!
All Hail King Sid!!!
Love Noodles

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PUG SLOPE chronicles the adventures of a pug named Sid as he navigates his way through the world. He was born and raised in Los Angeles, California, started the blog in Park Slope, Brooklyn, and is currently calling Chicago, Illinois his home.