A Gay Singaporean Man's Journey towards Self Discovery & Self Love

About

I hope that with this blog, I am able to share my stories of growing up gay and what I have learnt about being gay, so as to help others along in their journey.

Along the way, I also hope to learn from other gay people about how to live a better and more fulfilled life.

I hope that eventually, we, as gay people, can learn to live our lives as gay people proudly and with dignity, and be able to come together to build a supportive gay community, to help our young gay individuals, and those who have started to embrace themselves, along.

I also have another blog which discusses socio-political issues in Singapore. I have a keen interest in the social development of Singapore and Singaporeans and hope to play my part to add to the conversations to support our government in creating a Singapore truly one for us, Singaporeans. You can read about my social analysis at: http://thehearttruths.com/

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5 thoughts on “About”

Mudassar Ahmadsays:

Dear Roy,
I am Mudassar Ahmad, and I’m currently in my 4th Year at Raffles Institution. My classmates and I are undergoing a short film project aimed at advocating against homophobia in Singapore. I humbly and sincerely request if any of you, or a few you could join me and my team mates for an hour and a half interview, as your opinions and thoughts on this matter would be greatly appreciated. Being one of the most prominent progenitors of LGBT rights in Singapore, your thoughts and opinions would be of the greatest importance to us. Hence, I hope you would consider this interview, and contact me as soon as possible at: cliffario_27@hotmail.com or 85228417.
Thank You

Hi Roy, your sharing via blog induce me to want to better understand gay and lesbian in the society. Hmm interested to find out how does one begin to realize that s/he is a lesbian or gay? Is it just a pure affection for same sex/gender or more than that? How do you take the courage to tell the person of the same gender that you actually like or rather love him/her? And how does both of you maintain the r/s when people seemed to be looking at you should u hold the hands of the same gender? Look forward to hear from you 🙂

No one gay person goes through the same journey of finding out that they are gay though. For some gay people, they might not even go through a journey of “finding out” because they would have always felt that their liking for the same gender is actually “in-built’, just like it is also in-built for people who think of themselves as “straight”.

I think what is more important, however, is that when one knows or realises that he or she has same sex attraction, how does one learn to manage it? Saying that we have to manage it suggests that our attraction might not be appropriate, and we shouldn’t have to “manage” it. Rightfully so, because we should simply go on living life as usual. However, the reality in our current timeline is that there are segments of society who continue to discriminate towards gay individuals, or gay individuals might start learning more about themselves, while not knowing other individuals whom they can look up to, and thus having to “manage”.

There are individuals who have strong self worth and who are able to continue living their lives well, in spite of not knowing anyone who might also have same sex attraction or even if they face discrimination. But there are similarly others who might feel a sense of loss at being rejected. As such, it is more important that if we were to understand that regardless of who a person chooses to be with, that we provide them with the support, that it will go a long way in shaping their lives more positively – and this doesn’t just apply to sexual orientation, but gender, ethnicity, age, and even body shape, for example.

As to how a person who is self-identified as gay has a relationship or decides to be with someone else, the same would apply to a self-identified straight person as well. Love is something that anyone enjoys, regardless of their identity. I think if we remember that when we can truly love ourselves that we will then be able to learn to love someone else truly, this will be what will guide us through our relationships.

You may have heard about how people believe that gay individuals aren’t able to have fulfilling relationships. However, more often than not, it’s because when we start off with a relationship on a wrong footing, it might give us a sense that relationships might be difficult to develop – if we do not have a strong foundation where a relationship is built on, it is then easy for the relationship to crumble at the slightest interference. Also, for some gay individuals, if we go through a period of self-questioning, of even of doubting ourselves, then when we enter a relationship with someone else, we might continue to doubt our self worth, and even doubt the strength of our relationship with our partner.

As such, importantly, it is always important for us to learn to love ourselves, and to find the strength and belief within ourselves, to eventually accept ourselves. When we find it within ourselves to do this, everything will fall into place, and this is regardless of whether we are gay, bisexual, transgender, straight, man, woman, of any colour, age, size or characteristic.

Eventually, all humans want love and a connection with another. And when we see it within ourselves to give another with sincerity, we will find it in return.