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Tuesday, March 11

Tom Ronald The Monkey Dog

It's a funny thing being a blogger. Especially one such as myself that for the most part shares whatever random thoughts just happens to be floating between my ears at any particular point in time.

Over time I have realised this place that I have created here at A Parenting Life is not the hub of parenting advice and knowledge that I originally envisaged it to be. Instead it is a candid reflection on my life. Which I am by no means complaining about. In fact quite the opposite. I love the fact that I have this collection of my thoughts to look back and reminisce on.

When something big happens in my life I immediately want to share it here. Generally I don't give it a second thought and share away. Taking comfort that the event is safely recorded. Recently, well on Friday actually, something big happened in our lives. As yet I haven't shared it because sadly it is a heartbreakingly sad thing and quite frankly I am a bit over myself whinging and carrying on about all my worries.

Only it just doesn't feel right not sharing it.

In fact it feels somewhat disrespectful to just omit and exclude our pain and sadness.

So sorry if you were hoping for rainbows and happiness today because you ain't going to find it here.

Tom Ronald The Monkey Dog(called the Monkey Dog on account of the noise he would make when happy)2004-2014

On Friday Mr Awesome and I had to make the heartbreaking decision to put our beloved pooch down. Feeling like the worst person in the world doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about it.
Despite knowing that in so many ways it was for the best and that he is no longer suffering it still sucks big hairy balls. Watching my poor babies grieve makes it all even worse.

At the beginning of the week I had thought that something wasn't quite right with the old fella but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. In hindsight I think that maybe he had been looking at me with pleading eyes for even longer but caught up in my own woes I was ignorant to it all. By Thursday there was no doubt that something wasn't right so I insisted that Mr Awesome take him to the vets.

Which he did. He returned with a range of different pills and a follow up appointment on Tuesday. Initially we had thought he was suffering from a severe bout of blocked bowels. The vet however pointed out that it was probably more likely to be related to his prostate. Since he was the one that had been to doggie medical school we went with his idea.

By the time Friday morning came along there was no doubt that the problem was with his prostate/penis area. The pool of blood dripping from him was a bit of a giveaway really. Thankfully (for me) Mr A had popped home for a car change so I insisted that he drop everything and go back to the vets. Which he readily agreed to and did just that.

You know how sometimes your brain just goes and thinks silly things?

Well this was one of those times for me. As Mr A was gently coercing Tom out the front door and into the car I suddenly had the urge to tell the girls to give Tom a cuddle and say goodbye to him. They were home from school due to a teachers strike. Not wanting to be over dramatic or worry them I decided not to make too much of a big deal about it and they said goodbye in the same manner as if they was just going for a walk

As much as we love our dog we are sadly not made of money. A point which Mr A let the vet know when he arrived. We have heard some horror stories of vet bills and couldn't face a thousands of dollars bill. The vet, who was different to the one they saw the day before, said he totally understood and would be able to investigate the situation without X-rays and only a minor procedure.

Within a few hours the vet had called with the news.

He still wasn't sure exactly what was wrong just that it wasn't good. Far from it in fact. He could operate and investigate further however he still couldn't guarantee he would be able to fix whatever was wrong.

Given his age of ten years and the lack of hope from the vet it honestly felt like there was little option. It seemed like the most humane thing to do.

Thankfully there was enough time for me to take the girls in to say their goodbyes. Though the vet and my mother did question whether that really was the best thing to do. I had no doubt that it was. While the girls were upset as they sat with him and stroked him I think they would have been even more upset to have not had that opportunity. I know I was glad to be able to see him one more time.

He was so much more than just a pet or just a dog. He was our friend and companion, a protector and guard and he is so sorely missed. The house feels empty without him. So so empty. I almost don't want to open the back door anymore because it is such a horrid reminder that he is gone.

Even now as I sit here writing at some ridiculous hour in the morning, I am only too aware that he is not sitting by my side as he once did. Keeping me company while I tap away at my keyboard.

For now though I must go sleep. Which just between you and me is easier said than done. You see there is a part of me that can't help but feel I asked for this to happen in some crazy way.

A few months ago a friend asked me what we would be doing with Tom when we go away. I flippantly replied with a comment about maybe he would die before then. In much the same way I made an offhand comment about Mr A's grandma passing and leaving us a heap of cash when asked how we would fund our trip.

18 comments:

I relate completely with your post Rhianna - we've just had to make the same decision recently and have our beloved pooch put down. My daughter has been inconsolable. You realise that they're not mere animals at all, but adored family members.

You are right about saying 'good-bye' - this is important for grieving and closure. :)

Oh gorgeous Rhi, I'm so very sorry for your loss, how heart breaking that must have been to make that decision. But the most humane one from what you've said. And I would have let my kids say goodbye too, Tom would have appreciated it too (now I'm tearing up) Hugs to you gorgeous and don't worry about your flippant comment re about him dying before then, we all say things without intent or thinking sometimes. xx

I'm so sorry for your loss Rhianna, they truly are a big part of our family, aren't they?We've had to make that hard decision with 2 of our cats in the last few years, and it was heartbreaking for everyone. Bell especially took it badly when we lost Windsor when she was only little, and would say "bad vet!" every time we drove past.take care hun xx

That's awful news, I know what it's like we lost our dog 3 years ago. My youngest now has two of her own and we love every moment we get with them, they are now three months old and bucketfuls of fun. xxx

Massive hugs Rhi. I know that situation of being faced with a "yes we can spend thousands and maybe fix him but no guarantees" and unfortunately we weren't (still aren't) made of money either, and made the same decision. I took 2 days off work and stayed home and cried!! Sending the whole family lots of love my dear. xo

Fairy wishes and butterfly kisses to you, thanks for stopping by, it really means a lot, you taking the time so say hi. I try as much as I can to write a reply but if for some chance I don't get to it please know that I always read them.