Over 250 FREE mini-love-lessons touching the lives of thousands in over 190 countries worldwide!

Behaviors That Give Love - The Basic Core Four

Synopsis: This mini love lesson gets you started on how to give
healthy, real love as a useful step toward also being able to get it;
then goes into the four most basic, core types of behavior discovered by
research which convey healthy, real love.

How to Give Healthy, Real Love and Then Get It

To get love, learn to give it. How do you do that,
you ask. A wonderful answer has been given to us by massive, expansive,
long-range, wonderfully well done research conducted in social
psychology.

That research has discovered 383 distinctive behaviors
likely for stimulating feeling loved by the recipients of those
behaviors. Luckily, advanced, astonishing, ‘magical’, statistical
analysis techniques now have boiled down all that to just eight simple
groups of behavior, which you can learn . In addition to that, clinical
and field work by practitioners of relationship therapy have added all
sorts of important goodies to this knowledge.

If you learn, practice and get good at the major ways of sending your
love to others, all sorts of improvements in your life become likely. A
ton of research supports that contention.

Many people come to me asking how they can fall in love, become
loved, find love, get love, be lovable, etc.. The first thing to do, I
suggest, is concentrate and learn how to give healthy, real love. Then
practice and get really good at it. At this site you can study what
healthy, real love truly is and about the eight major categories of behavior
that social psychologists and others have discovered which send,
demonstrate, deliver and give healthy, real love directly to others.
Plus there are four more larger, wide-ranging categories of how love is
given, but first get the basics.

Presented here are the basic, core, four major ways to directly give
love which lay down a groundwork for learning the rest. Each of these
can be applied to romantic love, spouse love, love of a child,
friendship love, and many other types of love, including healthy
self-love.

Introducing The Basic, Core Four

1. Touch Love
Touch, or tactile love, is defined as physical contact which
demonstrates loving affection, support, caring, comforting and also
sensual and sexual loving, plus the special category of healing touch.
Touching with love perhaps is the most basic and oldest form of
demonstrating love. It probably is the first form of love people
experience, usually beginning in the womb and very soon after birth.
Babies who do not receive loving touch die of ‘failure to thrive’
illnesses like marasmus even though they are otherwise well taken care
of.

Before loving, holding, cuddling and stroking became part of the care
program given to infant orphans, 99.9% of them died before reaching the
age of two in the orphanages studied in North America and Europe. It
is feared that older people in various care facilities also may die
sooner without loving touch. There also is evidence to suggest that
between those two age groups those who go without loving touch are far
more likely to experience all kinds of serious, psychological disorders
and perhaps physical ones also. So, learn to do loving touch – a lot!

Take a look at the following list of words expressing how many different ways loving touch may be done.

Another category of tactile love involves healing touch. To be
lovingly touched when ill or injured, distressed, or in any way
dysfunctional is known to be surprisingly healing, including at the
physical level. Wounded areas lovingly touched by someone loving you
heal faster and better according to no small number of studies.

2. Expressional LoveExpressional love probably is the second oldest and also is a
very basic, quickly delivered form of showing love. Expressional love
is accomplished by loving expressions in your tones of voice, loving
facial expressions, loving gestures and love communicated by posture
movements. If someone you love comes in the room and you stand up
(posture movement expression), hold open your arms in welcoming (gesture
expression), smile (facial expression) and say “aahh” in a most loving
tone of voice (tonal expression) you probably have done a really good
job of sending several bits of expressional love.

Most people are surprised to learn that in direct, personal,
face-to-face communication only 7% of the communication is carried by
the words being spoken. Tonal expression conveys about 35% of the
message and facial, gesture and body motion can convey 55% of the total
message. So, get good at studying what your tones, face, gesture and
whole body movements are saying and help them speak of your love to
those you love.

Become good at the looks and sounds of love and then it is more
likely that those will flow back to you in greater abundance. When you
do this love-bonding becomes far more likely and love relationship
health is nourished. However, don’t do it for those reasons because the
mere giving of love action does wonders for you whether you get
anything in return from others or not. Remember, real love is a free
gift.

3. Verbal LoveThe words that convey love can add all sorts of power,
intricacy, elaboration, understanding and magnificence to the way you
deliver your love to another. Verbal love includes words spoken and
words written. Verbal love simply is defined as the behavior of using
words to convey and express love.

The simple “I love you” statements are perhaps the most common form
of verbal love. Pet names, nicknames, terms of endearment like
sweetheart, darling, honey, etc., words expressing the many and varied,
different emotions caused by love (remember, love itself is not an
emotion but a powerful natural process), special made-up words shared
only by intimately connecting lovers, words of passion when love is part
of the passion, poetic and artful phraseology, positive humorous terms,
double meanings, and other very personally expressive and descriptive
word-craft all count here in the verbal expressions of love.

4. Gift LoveGift love is defined as presenting to a loved one tangible
objects, resources, opportunities or experiences aimed at conveying
love, and having no component of expecting a return action or object
being sought. Gift love is generally thought of in two major forms:
those that are more tangible gifts like things attractively wrapped in boxes but also including resources like finances; and the other form of experience gifts
like surprise birthday parties or a picnic date, offering opportunities
counts here too like letting someone use your place for the party they
are giving.
What is important is to enjoy the giving
of the gift and let that be enough. If the recipient of you gift
enjoys it, says thanks, gives you something in return, or shows off your
gift or makes laudatory statements to others on your behalf that’s all
extra. ‘Giving to get something back’ is not a gift, it’s a
manipulation.

Experience gifts like taking someone to an event they really want to
go to, playing music they really like to hear, or providing an
opportunity for them to do something adventuresome, beautiful or
extraordinary can be among the best of gifts. For conveying intimate
love sometimes unexpected, small gifts like a single rose can be more
important than larger gifts like a whole bouquet when presented just
right. Gift love is best considered an ‘art form’ well worth learning
and practicing.
To really learn and get into all eight of the major ways of directly giving healthy, real love I, perhaps egotistically, strongly recommend you read my book, Recovering Love, available through amazon.com, iuniverse.com, and others.

As always – Go and Grow in Love

Dr. J. Richard Cookerly

♥ Love Success QuestionOf the above, basic, core, four ways to give love which are you best at and how are you going to get even better at it?

Affiliations

Subscribe To This Blog

Whatislovedrcookerly.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.