Broken Marriages and Derech Erets Today

Broken
Marriages and Derech Erets Today

The Mishneh in Sota 49 tells of two
periods in Jewish suffering. One, in ancient times, when Roman armies destroyed
Israel. Two, just prior to the coming of Moshiach, when Derech Erets, respect
for another will weaken. Even respect for the elders of our families will
decline or disappear. We are living in that time, the “footsteps of the
Moshiach” and we all know what is happening: the destruction of many families.
No longer are we shocked when we hear of a Torah family engaged in hate and
worse.

These two periods began thousands
of years after Creation. But we find in the very beginning of the Book of
Eliyohu HaNovi, of Elijah the Prophet, a discussion of the first sins, of Adam
in the Garden of Eden. These sins began in the very beginning, right about when
Adam was created. And the first major teaching of the Book of Eliyohu HaNovi is
that Derech Erets precedes the Torah! How great is Derech Erets. And yet, prior
to the Coming of Moshiach, the Satan will be given the power to enter our homes
and destroy Derech Erets, even so far as to cause us to insult elders of our
family as stated in the above gemora!

If today we are shocked by the
large number of broken families and divorces, we are living in the second phase
mentioned above, when Derech Erets will decline and family will suffer. It is important
that we know this, because when a person marries and suffers disappointment,
the failing can produce shame and bitterness. The shame and the bitterness is
part of the package of the terrible time before the coming of Moshiach. The
decline in respect for family is part of the problem. We need a lot of prayer
and trust that “there is nobody to help us but our Father in Heaven” and He can
help. However, times have changed. We need prayer and hope that things will
improve, and we must not despair when they don’t. Rather we must continue to
turn to HaShem even in our times, and trust in the ultimate Redemption.

Recently I was told about two ladies complete strangers to each other,
who took upon themselves to make organizations to support women undergoing
problems in marriage and family. Some of these suffering women were emotionally
drained and destroyed, but when they came together and turned to HaShem, they
found new strength and ability to continue. These organizations are “holy of
holies” to support broken people in times of great emotional and social tumult.
May they help people and may they merit to grow and strengthen more and more
people who are very much in need of encouragement.

Let us study various sources about
the End of Days. We want to know how people who fall and fail can find hope and
the strength to continue. We will read about ancients and their struggles with
sin and penitence. We will discover important facts that are hidden in biblical
stories, and these hidden facts when revealed explain a lot.

After all that we will see and
study in various sources, we must not forget the need for every community to
organize encouragement for those on the wrong side of the End of Days. If
anyone is too embarrassed to do these things, please call me at 845-578-1917.

Let us study the teachings of
Eliyohu HaNov about Derech Erets and family. We have already above mentioned briefly the
teaching that Derech Erets precedes the Torah. Now we turn to another teaching
of Eliyohu the Prophet, not in his Book, but in the book of the Prophet Malachi[1].
Malachi was the concluding prophet of the Minor Prophets, those without large
printed prophecies. (See footnote)

Let us look at the end of the
prophecy of Malachi when he speaks about Elijah the Prophet. Speaking G-d’s
decree Malachi states, “Behold I will send to you Elijah the Prophet before the
coming of the great and fearful day. And he will restore the hearts of fathers
to their sons, and the heart of the sons to their father, lest I come and smite
the land and destroy it.” There is a custom in writing Holy Teachings never to
conclude on a negative note, but now there is a negative and very threatening
note. But here we are talking about a violation of Derech Erets, and respect
between fathers and sons. A violation of Derech Erets between fathers and sons
causes us to ignore the rules.

The threat by G-d to destroy the
world is perhaps unique. But we are not surprised at this when we deal with a
violation of Derech Erets, especially Derech Erets in the family. Yes, Derech
Erets precedes the Torah. And violation of Derech Erets can destroy the world.

We turn now back to the beginning of
the Book of Eliyohu HaNovi, and its passages about Derech Erets and Torah.

The Book of Eliyohu HaNovi[2]
begins: “’And He drove out the man [Adam]’ this teaches that He [G‑d] gave him
a divorce as if he was a woman.” Adam sinned in the Garden of Eden and was
driven away. Why not just say “Adam was driven out of the Garden of Eden”? Why
did the Book of Eliyohu have to add “This teaches that He gave him a divorce as
if he was a woman”? Also, in Hebrew the phrase “And He drove out the man” does
not imply a woman being divorced. The wordויגרש means simply “and he drove away”. And while
the term can also apply to driving away a wife with a divorce, in what way was
Adam’s punishment to leave the Garden of Eden a divorce as one divorces a
woman? Furthermore, the phrase had nothing to do with women, because the one
driven away was Adam. So just what is the message here that Adam was driven away
like a woman?

Furthermore, the entire story of
the sins of Adam and Eve is not clearly explained. Indeed as we will see later
the passage of Adam being punished with toil of the field has nothing to do
with being driven from the Garden of Eden. It was clearly done to keep Adam
from eating the Tree of Life and live forever. Now, what does that have to do
with being driven away like a woman?

After Adam and Eve ate the
forbidden fruit, they had to leave the Garden of Eden and live with suffering.
The biblical passages of G‑d punishing Adam and Eve are one passage in
Beraishis III:16 for Eve, and three passages for Adam, from Ber. III:17-19.
This gives us four passages of punishment for people who were created to live
in the Garden of Eden. What follows these punishing passages? Passage III:20
says, “And Adam called the name of his wife Chavo, because she was the mother
of all life. The next passage says, “And the L‑d G‑d made for Adam and his wife
garments of leather and He dressed them.”

Now, Chavo or Eve started the whole
chaos that damagedl human beings forever. What does Adam do, after he realizes
what his wife did to him? Does he rant and rave about her? No, he honors her
with a name Chavo that means life, because she is the mother of the human race.
Are we missing something? Yes. We are missing something very important, and it
is there in the passage quoted by the Book of Elijah, that we have our first
inkling of what the Creation story is really all about.

There is a gemora in Avoda Zoro 4b
and 5a that talks about the hideous sins done by the greatest Jews. We are told
about the Golden Calf built by Aharon the High Priest the brother of Moses that
led to Jews worshipping the Golden Calf. Also, David caused the death of a
soldier and took his wife with force. These sins, building a Golden Calf and
worshipping it right after the Torah was given by G‑d at Sinai, and David’s
terrible sins, seem to consign the sinners to perdition in this world and the
next.

But in fact the opposite happens. In
the Future World, the few greatest saints will sit at the table, and who
recites Grace? King David. And what about the Jews who sinned at the Building
of the Golden Calf and those who worshipped it? Are the Jews demoted by G-d?
Not at all. Yes, Jews are always getting caught doing bad things, like the
Golden Calf and such things, but G-d knows exactly what people are capable of
doing in terms of sin, and He accepts the Jewish people and hopes that they
will return to Him with teshuva, penitence. Yes, the purpose of the world, and
of life, was not to produce perfect people. It was to produce sinners who
repent. That is the purpose of Creation. The gemora explains that in order to
establish this primacy of penitence, the greatest Jews in Jewish history were
brought to commit hideous sins, and were encouraged to make true penitence, and
G-d forgave them.[3] He
forgave them and restored their high honor, because they were doing what He
wanted for Creation, true and deep penitence.

Now we understand why Adam responds
to his passages of punishment by announcing the glory of his wife, the one who
destroyed him. If life is about sin and teshuva, Adam was right on target.
Perhaps Adam realized that if his wife went out on his wedding day to have some
experience with a Snake, that it was his fault, for not treating his wife with
enough warmth and love. And when the portals of punishment opened upon Adam, he
turned immediately to his sin with his wife, of not showing her proper love and
care, and announced that he and all people would always honor her for being the
mother of all human life.That is the way of
penitence, for humans who have evil inclinations but don’t despair when they
fail. They pray for forgiveness and if they do it properly are forgiven.

There is another aspect of this
which is important to mention, even if we don’t get around to understanding it properly, because it is
after all part of the mystical Creation story. We see that Eve sinned and so
did Adam. How could people created by G‑d in the Garden of Eden sin because
some Snake tells them to defy G‑d? Basically, angels have no evil inclination.
People do. There are furthermore, good angels and some bad angels, because the
purpose of Creation was to test people with evil, and for that there are evil
angels, such as the Satan, who is only evil because since people need to be
tested by evil angels, the Satan does what he is told.

On a deeper level the
literature tells us that Adam and Eve dealt with evil angels very early in the
Creation story, and some of it stuck to them.[4]
There was therefore a flaw in their marriage, brought about by the angel
in heaven whose job it was to entice people
and the angel’s husband who was the Angel of Death and terrified Eve until she
ate the forbidden fruit.[5]
The exposure of Adam and Eve to evil was part of the Divine Plan to test people
with great evil forces, and that is life, where failures are common, but the
show goes on with penitence, and we have a lot to repent for. We don’t
anticipate coming to the Other World perfect, but we do hope to have some
penitence, some pain that pays our way, and a life that is filled with problems
that will help minimize our sins when we stand in judgment

[1]
Malachi is the last of the biblical Twelve minor prophets. Minor prophets had
smaller biblical publications than major prophets, but in prophecy they could
be greater than major prophets. The Book of Malachi a minor prophet is about
four pages, and the Book of Isaiah, a major prophet, is 64 pages. The gemora in
Pesachim 87a says that Hoshea was greater in prophecy than Isaiah. However,
Hoshea has a small place in the biblical narratives of prophecy despite being
greater than Isaiah in prophecy.

NEW BLOG TO STOP DRAFT OF WOMEN IN US

There is a grave danger of women being drafted in US for the following reasons:

1) As of Jan 2016 the Obama administration and military generals have decreed that there is no longer a difference in combat between men and women

2) The Supreme Court ruled previously that if women are able to enter combat they can be drafted.

3) For an Orthodox woman to be drafted is a cardinal sin, one that may bring about terrible things such as suicide. The depression of a decent girl being among men who do what they want will surely result in suicides.

4) In Harvard University the President, a woman, recently publicly bemoaned a study that showed that 71 percent of Harvard women suffered from s abuse, and that twenty percent of the abusers were faculty members of Harvard! The military is much worse than Harvard, because men in combat are ferocious in their passions.

4) WE HAVE MADE A NEW BLOG womenmakewar.blogspot.com . Please go there and see the various sources for the above, and enter any questions or comments that you may have.

IF YOU WANT TO HELP! CALL ME AT 845-578-1917 or write to me at eidensohnd@gmail.com .

THANK YOU

Rabbi Dovid E. Eidensohn

Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn has written Hebrew and English halacha and hashkofo books, which are graced with haskomose from Gedolei HaDor of the past and present generations. Rabbi Moshe Feinstein zt"l wrote, "The Rav HaGaon is known to me for many years, as one who delves deeply to clarify complex halochose." Rabbi Eidensohn has 250 videos on youtube.com/mons5555. He is now involved with broken families and divorces, especially the halachic issues. HaGaon Rav Yosef Shalom Elyashev zt"l conveyed upon Rabbi Eidensohn the right to be a Rosh Beth Din in Gittin and to use Rav Elyashev'a name as endorser.

Jewish Outreach Congregation Program

The Jewish Outreach Congregation is a "synagogue without walls" for searching people. Rabbi Dovid Eidensohn has published books in Hebrew and English on family, marriage and other important topics. He is heavily involved in media as he was trained by Geonim Reb Moshe Feinstein, Reb Yaacov Kaminetsky, and Rav Shimon Schwab, all of the zt"l.

Rabbi Eidensohn was a close Talmid of the Gedolim of the past generation and lihvadil this generation. He struggles to maintain the high standards he received from them, but is convinced that there are great problems today in halacha, marriage and other critical issues. He has for many years spoken out and fought for old values.

Today, the hope is to expand the efforts in writing and media to get individuals who share Rabbi Eidensohn's ideas. We want to make a Torah that gives a person true success in Torah, a fine parnoso, Shalom Bayis and success with children, and general abilities to deal with the physical and intellectual problems of the world.