Computers. I like them. Fast ones. I’d have a bank of them for various purposes down in the basement, each fed to a different TV in the house. The entire place would be wired with cameras on the exterior and a few on the interior in common thoroughfares like hallways, the kitches, and living/family room(s).

Enough land, preferably here in Utah, for a 1,500 yard range. It would be a commercial range with 25 lanes. Every 100 yards would be a set of steel resetting targets. Every 250 yards would be a set of dueling trees every other lane.

For transportation, I would just get 3 brand-new vehicles. An SUV of undetermined make/model and a pickup truck. I’d get 2 trailers, though. One is an open trailer with optional rails I can put around it to secure stuff to and a second trailer that’s fully enclosed. That would hold the new Harley.

I’d have a new home built, but nothing extravagant on the outside. Probably about 4,000 square foot. In the basement, I’d have a vault built for the myriad of guns I don’t yet have (and for the few I *DO* have). It would extend into the backyard (buried, so the backyard would look normal) and would contain a 25 yard indoor shooting range, well ventilated and capable of taking any sized round up to and including .50 BMG.

Another room in the basement would be my reloading room. It would have 3 reloading stations. Who likes reloading alone ALL the time?

Have you ever seen the DIY car shops? I used to find them on base. You’d pay like $20 and you’d get all the tools you’d need to fix your car. For an extra $5, you had access to a lift to put your car up on.

Yeah, that… but for guns. I’d open a shop with an identical concept. I’d have 15 reloading stations, each replete with a multi-stage reloader, full set of tools for non-reloading maintenance, and full stock of all kinds of ammo supplies available for purchase. I’m sorry, if you reload .22 WSSM, you’re screwed. Bring your own crap! OTHERWISE, full sets of every kind of die you could think of for all of the MOST COMMON calibers. Upon request, I will get the more obscure dies. This facility would also have 3 test firing ranges, each segregated from the others. They would be set up so if you were trying out a new reload, AT THE RISK OF YOUR OWN GUN, you could rig it up into a lead sled and pull the trigger using some cord through a hole in the Lexon panel and see if your gun blows up in your face or not.

My garage would fit 4 vehicles. The Harley would have its own garage, though, so that’s not counted here. The back edge of the garage would be very one of those garages that you see on those home makeover shows where the guy likes cars. They end up decking it out. That. In my garage. I’ll figure out what I need to do with all of it. You let me worry about that part.

I’d use the money to fund a commercial product. I want to invent cameras that fit on your guns. Think of a gun light on a picatinny rail, but a camera. Hell, if they can fit full 1080p on helmets for $200, I see no reason that you can’t have one to sit on a gun. Perhaps with one of these, Mr. Zimmerman wouldn’t be in the pickle he’s in now.

I’d get certified in all of the NRA training courses. Training on weapons, not training trainers. Maybe that for later…

That leads me into the last thing I’d get: A guest house that’s also about 4,000 sqft. This is so I can buy friendship in #GBC and convince people to visit me so I don’t turn into a hermit. People would wake up to the bowling ball cannons going off a few hundred yards off instead of a rooster.

It would be called the Joseph Palmer Center for Self-Defense and there would be a bronze statue in the front yard of Joseph Palmer, life-sized!