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The Daily Wrap: August 6th

How’s the week going so far, OK? Well, here’s the big news for today to keep you informed and looking like you care about stuff when your coworkers ask.

Heart Surgery for George W

George W Bush was found to have a blockage during a routine physical and, this morning, had a stent put in to clear it and apparently the whole procedure went off without a hitch. You only get to find out about Presidential surgeries after the fact, makes you wonder if they’d cover the whole thing up somehow if it went wrong.

Bush will be back to work on Thursday doing whatever he does these days because we live in a world where something can be put inside your heart on Tuesday and by Thursday you’re good to go again. How crazy is that?

Man Saves Dog; Wife

Picture it – a man, his wife and his dog are sailing to Madagascar. The boat runs afoul of a reef and goes under. The man swims to shore with the dog and then goes back for his wife. That’s a hero.

The story as printed doesn’t make it necessarily sound like the man prioritized his dog over his wife, but he does go to shore with the dog first, then go back for his wife who was snagged on the steering gear. So he made sure the dog was safe first. But probably she didn’t mind.

Weiner Worrier Was Wanker

Because politics and hypocrisy love each other so well, a former Republican official who once weighed in on the Anthony Weiner scandal by dropping a joke or two on the matter has been arrested for having explicit chats on “social media” with a teenage girl. This is precisely why Break staff only sext with each others’ grandmothers. We’re not weirdos.

Scott Hounsell, who used to be executive director for the GOP in Los Angeles, is being investigated for his relationship with a 16 year old girl. The GOP, luckily, broke up with Hounsell in June so they’re free from the embarrassment someone like Weiner has been brining his party.

The Washington Post Got Sold

Do you read newspapers? It’s kind of an odd thing these days, but supposing you do, and supposing the Washington Post is the one you read, then you’ll be either happy, sad or indifferent to lean Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon just bought it. How will this affect you? The paper will now be on sale for $9.99 and arrive in 5-7 days covered in bubble wrap.

McDonalds Will Finally Stop Feeding You Inedible Poison

Remember all that craze about pink slime a few years back? Well it was a real thing, meat treated with ammonium hydroxide to kill the bacteria and make it safe for human consumption and it’s what was in McDonald’s burgers. The meat was literally unfit for human consumption until a toxic chemical killed the bacteria in it. But now McDonalds is going to stop using it, isn’t that nice of them? So whether they replace it with other meat that’s still unfit for human consumption or the quality of food you’d expect from at least a 3rd world burger stand is yet to be seen.