My omni husband and I are going to his friend's parent's house for Thanksgiving. I have never met them, and they have no idea that I am vegan. I was planning on bringing a couple of dishes, but what is a nice, concise and non-offending answer to the infamous "Why are you a vegan" question. I don't want to draw too much attention to it (on this occasion-usually I love to talk to people about it!).Any suggestions?

Once my SO's 3yo nephew asked me why I don't eat meat. I admitted to his family that I don't know how to talk to children, but they said "answer him", and I did: "For ethical reasons, health, environment...". They interrupted me and said "She doesn't like meat."

Is it going to be a buffet style or sit-down? My first meal as a vegetarian was at a Thanksgiving that was done buffet-style, and no one noticed. I still spend Thanksgiving with the same people now I'm vegan and just ask which dishes are vegan, and its a non-issue. Since most of them are MDs and 2 are cardiologists, they all just congratulate me on my diet :)

_________________My oven is bigger on the inside, and it produces lots of wibbly wobbly, cake wakey... stuff. - The PoopieB.

I just say it's what works for me. Sometimes people press and I tell them I'm happy to explain further BUT as it's primarily ethical/environmental reasons (because, really, I cannot separate the two) I don't want to be accused of being preachy if they don't agree with what I say. I say this in a very nice way and have never had any issues with either stopping there or going on. But I tend to avoid talking to people who would be jerks about my choice. Hope your husband's family turns out to be super nice and accepting!

I think "ethical reasons" is a good short answer! I also like "it works for me" and then change the subject as said above if you you feel your table-mates might make a long drawn out conversation of it and cause stress at dinner. Good luck at your dinner, crittergirl! :)

About when little kids ask though... my inclination would be to dumb down "ethical reasons" to a "kid" answer, and to me that would be, "I don't eat animals because I love animals and want to be nice to them" or something like that, and I can just imagine the parent death ray glare that would come at me! But the thing is that IS the truth! And little kids can easily see it makes sense. And this threatens meat-eating parents who would prefer to keep their kids in the dark and not have their own choices questioned by their kids. Sorry, that was off topic, but I have had it come up a couple of times and it's awkward. You can see the parent sitting there realizing and worrying their kid might easily see the sense in not eating animals!

To be perfectly honest, I find those conversations boring at best and frustratingly futile at worst, so I prefer to avoid them entirely. But in a "command performance" social scenario like the OP is describing, I usually say something like, "It's the right choice for me" before changing the subject ASAP. If pressed, I'll give a short list (ethics, politics, the environment, etc.) but consciously refrain from elaborating/engaging too deeply because if I have to be in a situation where my interlocutor - especially my host - is chomping down on some poor dead animal, I'd rather not start thinking about it too much for fear my carefully submerged annoyance will work its way to the surface, thereby Ruining Everyone's Dinner - GASP! - and being cast as That Vegan.

I usually say something like, "I'm vegan because I choose compassion over habit and being at peace with the relationship between what I believe and how I act." BUT, it's a holiday, short and sweet: "For ethical reasons," seems less like it might provoke. You can always raise the no politics, religion, or money trump card and cut the conversation off with a wink and a smile.

I usually say something brief about ethical reasons or so animals aren't harmed for my food, but if there are further questions about my reasons I usually say I don't like to discuss it while people are eating, but I'd be happy to talk after dinner.

I don't bring up health issues unless someone has a question, as I don't think there is yet a compelling and evidence-based argument for an animal-free diet over a mostly plant-based "flexitarian" diet.

Crittergirl, I usually say "I like critters". Which of course is the same as what almost everyone else posted, except I think it's funny because I often use the actual word "critters". In most instances, people get it, and the questions stop there.

Since it's been close to a year now that I've gone from vegetarian to vegan, I have gotten a few question from good friends asking, "but why vegan; you're not killing the animals". (I can't forking believe how long it took me to take this step, so part of me will always be ashamed it took me so long). When people ask me this, though, I have not come up with a non-messy answer yet. Because the truth is messy. I'm not sure what to say to this question myself , when people really are curious about why I've done this; what this difference means to me. I know it's ethical, & it's about compassion, empathy, and a "live and let live" attitude. But I'm not sure that gets across that I just really don't want critters to suffer on my behalf.

_________________I once caught the clap from a salty navy bean on shore leave. Damn beans.--Desdemona

Joined: Fri Apr 01, 2011 11:51 amPosts: 6025Location: United States of New England

I think it depends on the crowd.do you think your husband would be comfortable letting your friends know ahead of time you are vegan but that you are more than happy to bring food?i HATE when people make a fuss over me.

to me there are two kinds of tones people take when asking the "why are you vegan" question.#1 people who are truly interested in knowing why and may even be interested in learning a little bit about it and having a conversation about it even if they arent interested in changing their lifestyle they are genuinely interested in learning about yours.if you sense that vibe then feel free to tell them whatever you are comfortable with beyond the "ethical reasons" you can maybe tell them about the food you made, etc.#2 people who are like "WHY THE F WOULD YOU NOT EAT MEAT" and are prolly going to come back with the "i like animals too they are tasty" crepe or tell you all the animals they love to eat :-Pthis type of people i would give them a short sweet answer of "ethical reasons" or "i dont believe in eating animals" and then DEFLECT! CHANGE THE SUBJECT! depending on how well you know these people ask them something about some interest they have or tell them how nice everything looks set up for dinner or thank them for having you guys over. DEFLECT!

I'm with the "right choice for me" crowd (and changing subject). I think it makes people feel less defensive about it, by putting the emphasis on right choice for me. If people ask more questions, I try to be kind about it. Usually when people make rude comments ("THATS what you eat?!"), I just offer a bland smile and ignore it completely. That usually works for me.

In your situation, I would definitely try to let them know beforehand you are vegan, and will be happy to bring something to contribute to the meal. I know I'd feel uncomfortable if, say, I invited friends who were gluten-free over to eat, and they decided to not tell me their food needs, and just bring their own stuff, because I know I would have definitely prepared food they could eat happily and feel sad they hadn't given me the option to do so, or felt I could do so (and would be happy to have them bring their own food, too, whatever makes everyone feel most comfortable.)

I think this is the best one, also, but I find you need to expand a little bit or they start doing the "right choice for you, why?" thing. Usually I'll say something like "Well, I was a vegetarian for years first, and then it just seemed natural to go vegan, feels like the right choice for me".

Crittergirl, I usually say "I like critters". Which of course is the same as what almost everyone else posted, except I think it's funny because I often use the actual word "critters". In most instances, people get it, and the questions stop there.

Since it's been close to a year now that I've gone from vegetarian to vegan, I have gotten a few question from good friends asking, "but why vegan; you're not killing the animals". (I can't forking believe how long it took me to take this step, so part of me will always be ashamed it took me so long). When people ask me this, though, I have not come up with a non-messy answer yet. Because the truth is messy. I'm not sure what to say to this question myself , when people really are curious about why I've done this; what this difference means to me. I know it's ethical, & it's about compassion, empathy, and a "live and let live" attitude. But I'm not sure that gets across that I just really don't want critters to suffer on my behalf.

My answer to this is usually something along the lines of "I did some research and found that the milk, meat, and dairy industries are all interconnected. I learned more about it and came to the conclusion that I couldn't ethically support any animal being treated in a way that I would consider unethical to treat a human being." I've found that answering that way actually works to get people to go look up some information on their own, and often they'll then come back to me at a future point wanting to discuss it more.

_________________Man, fork the gender card, imma come at you with the whole damned gender deck. - Olives Did you ever think that, like, YOU are a sexy costume FOR a diva cup? - solipsistnationblog!FB!

I usually say "It's primarily an ethical stance." Which is true (for me) because ethics aren't my only reason. I also tell people that it's something I choose not to discuss over a meal and change the subject. If someone's interested enough to bring it back up after dinner, I'd just have to decide whether I thought they were genuinely curious, or trying to bait me (which, fortunately, has very rarely happened to me.) If someone is genuinely curious and we're not eating together, I will happily answer any question they have.

I say this, too. It's kind of cute and inoffensive, but at the same time it might also make omnis who profess to be animal lovers think a little bit. Anyone I've ever said this to has been like "eh, fair enough".

One person who was asking me about it (who's an omni themselves) even said "I've always thought it makes more sense to be vegan than vegetarian", which is refreshing seeing as I know a lot of vegetarians (including most of my close family) who seem confused/uninterested in veganism. But, that's by the by, really.

I really love the thing that Colleen Patrick Goudreau (sp?) says... it's something like "it helps me to live more in line with my values" or something like that. That really resonates with my feelings behind veganism and why it means so much to me.

I find that these days, I usually get the "but what about ethical meat? What about ethical dairy/backyard chickens?". Despite how I feel about how hypocritical "ethical" animal products are, when in an awkward situation where I have to be polite, I usually explain that since it is just too difficult these days to know the source of our foods, I find it easiest and best on my conscience to just avoid animal products altogether. If pressed, and if someone is defensive, I will ask if they really think all the "ethical meat" people really do think about their food 100% of the time. That usually causes some to be taken a bit aback because that grain-fed burger they ate for lunch can't undo the egg McMuffin they had for breakfast. On rare occasions and when someone is genuinely interested, I will get into the myriad of other reasons why I'm vegan.