Thursday, March 4, 2010

Where Do We Go From Here?

This is a post seeking opinion and suggestion. As you know, I work for our local city government. In May I’ll celebrate acknowledge my 5th anniversary here. I have a good job that I enjoy, and believe I do well. I work with people who can make me laugh ‘til I cry. So, why am I miserable? Why are Laurie and I exploring other jobs in far away places? I actually told Laurie last night that if wherever we’re looking has a McDonald’s I’ll be ok with “do you want fries with that?” I’m willing to work retail, cleaning, babysitting. I just don’t want to work for a business that’s in the paper everyday.

I know that to the outside eye this might seem like much ado about nothing, but it isn’t. Those 2 articles are only a piece of the constant flow of insulting, hate-mongering bullshit coming from our mayor. He’s been in office since November, and everyday since I feel the guillotine over my neck. He would like nothing better than to see an exodus from the city payroll, and then blame those who leave for creating the lapses in service that would arise. He is blaming us without any knowledge of who we are or what we do. And then he’ll blame us for leaving. I cannot describe the constant turmoil, bitterness, anger and almost-hate that I have felt everyday since he took office. Those of you who know me, know that I try not to stay mired in misery….but I cannot seem to shake this. I haven’t been this unhappy in a job since the weeks before Lisa Cramer (a c*** if ever there was one) fired us. I feel like my city employee status is sucking the joy, and the life, out of everything. It’s a feeling that doesn’t seem to go away. This is such a city-wide divisive issue, that even when out shopping or dining, you can hear a snippet of conversation about it.

Maybe, if we were economically stable, if we weren’t living paycheck-to-paycheck, it wouldn’t bother me so much. But we aren’t. We’re struggling more now than ever before. Everything costs more, and we’ve had more than a few economic speed bumps in the past year and a half. Trying to get back on track is difficult enough without being told every single day that you are overpaid and lazy.

Laurie’s job has minimal direct customer contact. Mine faces the public all day, everyday. Phone calls, face-to-face, email, it doesn’t matter. My co-workers and I hear it at least once a day….”you f^%$(*) people” or a variation on the theme. These angry citizens curse us, our children, our lives. They spew hatred filled vitriol without a second thought. They make it personal. They start out cussing the city and end up cursing us. It makes for a long day. Our stress levels are at “ORANGE” meaning you never get a restful minute. I find myself bracing before I answer the phone, or approach the counter. We even get yelled at sitting at our lunch table outside the office. Then, if we read the paper, or watch the evening news…there it is again. I am at a breaking point. I’m ready to throw in the towel and leave. I’m ready to face uncertainty and the unknown just to get a minute’s peace.

So, any ideas on where to go? Do we stay in Florida because we have friends here? Do we venture west because we’ve always been intrigued? Do we stay here because we know this devil? What to do? Where to go? When to do it?

6 comments:

I love the kitty despair pic but hate that you go through such hatred everyday. That's what it is. Hatred. Maybe not about you but rather the government, the economy, etc and then it's all directed at you, the gal on the front line.

I agree with you when you mentioned in the past that it's a hostile work environment.

I can't answer what you should or shouldn't do. I can only tell you that I hope resolution is right around the corner for you.

You know how I feel. I LOVED my job at the city....I had great co-workers, friends, wonderful boss, and I was damn good at my job.

I had a small house, I worked hard, and I tried to make my life in the Cape. It was not meant to be.....you are so correct about the hatred, the stress, the willingness to put all city workers in the over paid, lazy category. It is so sad, and it is only going to get worse. I cannot tell you what to do, but I can say that life is short and there is nothing more important the health and happiness. Stress and misery will destroy you. It will steal your life and before you know it life is gone. We are here to enjoy ourselves and be kind to others....but you must be kind to yourself. I left..I walked away from my house, the job I loved, and people that I care about and love. I could not be happier. I know I made the right decision for me.... I send you good thoughts and wish you the best of luck.

My two loves -- Seems to me that you need a break. Please consider Missoula, the Berkeley of Montana. We'd love to see you. We have a nice detached apartment, with full kitchen, super luxurious queen sized bed, free utilities, free parking, free rent, free groceries, free wi-fi. close to bus line, close to schools and shopping. Costco, Target, Barnes & Noble, Butterfly Herbs, and Rockin' Rudy's (ask Nancy about Rudy's) all nearby. Your only cost will be listening to all of my sea stories and engaging in the local favorite pastime -- looking for a job. Stay as long as you (or we) like. If you become tiresome we will ask you to leave. (I used to do that all the time at Nanaina Place, Pearly will remember this, we had so many hippies dropping in and living with us). And, if you have any debilitating ailments, and I am sure that you must have a few, Montana is a freewheeling medical marijuana state, only 2,810 miles, (1 day 20 hours of steady driving), from Cape Coral. C'mon, junk those shitty jobs and live a little. I hate to hafta beg but I really do want to see you and spend time with you so if I must I will. Who knows, I may be right on the border of senility and you might be just in time to feed me and wipe the drool off my beard, and change my diaper. So I see it as a win-win situation. I hope you do too. And yes, Ryn is welcome also. If you come, maybe Nancy will get the urge to return as well. That would be great! Love you all, Dad

@ JimamdGarret, I love that you love me. Thank you for always listening to my whining and finding a way to encourage me through it.

@ Anonymous, I miss you dearly. Your words are on point, and I thank you for the reminder.

@ Dad, I love you. You have thrown a life line and I am tempted. I will pray, and think and listen. And I will be in touch. I would love to spend time with you and hear all your stories and adventures, and look at pictures and drink wine and laugh and love and live. Thank you for the offer.