Super Girl Psychedelic: An Addiction To Perfection

Super Girl Psychedelic differs from my Ties That Bind series and the American Girl series in many ways, but first and foremost in my mind is that I used only my reflection in the mirror to create my super women, whereas with my former work, I worked almost exclusively with live models. The reason for this shift was partly economic and one of convenience however, I can’t help but considering the more hidden motive behind my compulsion, to sit hours and hours before my reflection, obsessively, not to mention slowly, painting very time consuming psychedelic designs. In fact it runs contrary to my utilitarian nature, and how I feel about aesthetics, design and life in general. So, as I contradict myself in life, I do the same on canvas. It was in conflict that these paintings were created, as my mind and compulsions wrestled with one another. “Better to express yourself simply, to say it all with one line, not thousands” I would tell myself, yet my urges to sit for hours endlessly painting layers of shapes and designs would argue contrarily. With doubt, I surrendered to my compulsion. Upon further examination of this contradiction, and my struggle in creating these paintings, lies an addiction to perfection that has prevailed throughout my life. I do not think I am uniquely inclined with regard to this addiction, for it is pervasive in our culture. In particular, as women, we are bombarded with images of perfection. So much is expected of us. As an optimist, I do feel that at the root of this longing for perfection exists a positive intention. It is a hunger for spiritual fulfillment; the need for an experience of the sacred in every day life, for ritual, and for connection to an energy greater than that which drives me to search for an illusory ideal of perfection. There is no worse bondage than the addiction to perfection. Futile and in vain, it is a raping of the soul to even attempt such an impossibility.