Built by life, driven by dreams

Just a quickie…

This will hopefully be short and sweet as I just wanted to let you all know that my first date with M 45 from Kent, will also be my last, with him anyway. I have yet to decide if it will be my last ever.

It was as I expected it to be… nice. He was pleasant and actually a genuinely funny guy who talked a lot and made me feel very comfortable but I don’t want to feel comfortable. The date lasted three hours and we had a lovely Sunday lunch and it went very quickly, it was very pleasant but I don’t want pleasant either.

What do I want? Well I don’t really know the answer to that but it is not M 45 from Kent because as pleasant and funny as he was I just did not fancy him.

Why? I don’t know the answer to that either I’m afraid.

Next question.

He was just as I expected him to be. I had seen photos of him and although I expected him to be slightly broader and not quite so slim he did otherwise look exactly as his photo suggested he would.

This leads me to assume that I was kind of going in to this knowing that I probably wouldn’t fancy him. So why did I go on the date? Well if I’m honest it was mainly because I couldn’t stand to continue anymore more bloody texting.

The texting thing is driving me mad. It is time-consuming and arduous and not for the faint hearted and easily bored, of which I am definitely the latter.

I questioned myself a lot after the date and by the time I got back to my friend’s house to collect the kids I was completely over analysing the whole thing.

I do not want to say out loud that I didn’t feel like he was good enough for me because that is just a rubbish thing to say about anyone and I am really not a snob BUT I did feel like a snob, let’s just say I felt like I could do better.

I feel bad for even thinking it, nevermind writing it down!

You could tell he was a grafter, a manual labourer, he spends most of his working day with blokes just like him and you can tell. He was full of stories and funny tales which included lots swearing and mimicking. He reminded me of Lee Evans, you know the way he is very animated when he talks and everything has actions to go with the story. His arms were flailing up and down a lot and there was a lot of hand signalling, at one point he even mimicked having a wank and I couldn’t help but laugh.

I have seen Lee Evans live and I think he is brilliant but M could give him a run for his money I tell you.

When we left he asked me if I had a good time and I said yes. It was true, I hadn’t had an awful time, it had been okay and I haven’t laughed like that in ages. He tried to kiss me but I recoiled, not in horror but because I wasn’t really expecting it and I wasn’t sure I wanted it.

While I was at my friends he text to say that he was home and that he had a great time and he asked me when the second date was going to be. If I hadn’t been with my very straight and to the point friend I probably would have faffed about for a bit and not committed one way or the other but I had back up and because of this I text him straight back and said: I am going to be honest and say that I didn’t feel any attraction and I really hope that you find what you are looking for and thank you for a really fun date you are a really great guy. Take care.

Then I spent the rest of the evening feeling like a complete shit bag.

He was very gentlemanly about it and wished me the same in return. He said that nice people deserve to be happy and I am a nice person. My heart melted a little bit then and I felt like even more of a shit bag than before.

My thoughts about him not being entirely good enough for me made me want to point a finger at myself and give me a good talking to! Stuck up cow.

That’s it I’m done with this dating lark. I could stand in a room full of 50 men with 49 of them being the salt of the earth and I would pick the one, the only one, that was going to be a complete and utter time waster.

Why? Because that is what I’m attracted to. I like the naughty, the devilish and down right dirty. What I need to like is the reliable, the sensible and the down right decent.

It aint gonna happen!

My resolve to not entertain the dating thing anymore last until 9.50 am this morning when I received a message from C 42 from Kent.

This guy is hot. We have ‘winked’ at each other. It was a week or so back now he looked at my profile, I looked at his, liked it… a lot… had another look. He winked at me so I winked back but he never messaged me.

I waited but nothing. So I thought fuck it I’m going to message him. So I did. I said: You Mr are HOT! To which he replied: Thanks, you are pretty HOT yourself! I nearly wet myself.

Then nothing. I didn’t reply. Why? I don’t really know, apart from to say that his profile is all very high-flying, he is one of those that makes it sound like he doesn’t really have time to meet for a coffee, nevermind a dinner date that includes dessert. Let’s face it I want dessert.

So far he is the only guy I have felt the inclination to actually message so I maybe should have messaged back but anyway it’s too late now.

Oh wait, hold on a minute, he just messaged me… If you think I am now dancing around my kitchen you could well be right.

Last night after the kids were in bed and I was still feeling like a complete shit bag, I went online, yes I know, I said I was giving it up. I lied.

He was online to. I know this because you can’t bloody breathe on there without someone knowing about it. Online dating is not for the shy you can’t make a move, look at profile or search for people in your area without a big bloody flashing ‘pop up’ alerting everyone in the vicinity that you are online and desperate.

He looked at my profile again and so I looked at his again, FFS man make a move but he didn’t.

Then to my delight and sheer joy at work this morning while working on the Doctors rotas (always a mind numbing job) he messaged me. I was just a little bit excited. I have been putting off reading his message because I am very much enjoying the anticipation of what it might say. I am sure it will be something very boring but until I read it I can imagine it says all sort of things.