Look to the person on your left. Now look to the person on your right. Now look for the person wearing a dark cowl and singing a song more ancient than the stones. Congrats! You've just found one of the many growing number of godless heathens.

According to the New York Times, the Pew Research Center released a global study of religious adherence today, and its findings are that many of us are eschewing religion in favor of fucking virgins in piles of burning snakes. Or, you know, not following the teachings of any religion.

"Something that may surprise a lot of people," said Conrad Hackett, a primary researcher on the report, "is that the third-largest religious group, after Christians and Muslims, is the religiously unaffiliated. There may have been some guesses floating out there before, but this is the first time there are numbers based on survey data analyzed in a rigorous and scientific way."

The study, based on analysis of 2,500 different data sources, including censuses and demographic surveys of children and adults in 232 countries, found that about one of every six people worldwide has no religious affiliation. One in six, so if the world population is around seven billion, that's at least a billion people.

There's now more "unaffiliated" than Catholics. But guess which one have a city built of gold and fucking hate it when dudes and ladies don't make babies 24/7. Unless we want our army of the unfaithful to wither and die, we need to start finding fellow atheists and agnostics to carry our (god-willing) demon babies.

In conclusion: Where is Fairuza Balk and what is she doing, right now?