"If somebody asks me point-blank, 'Have you had plastic surgery?' it's like, well, duh," Dolly Parton tells the latest issue of Ladies Home Journal in an interview tied to the concert tour she just canceled on account of her breasts. Prescient, no? The magazine doesn't say much about Dolly's new album, Backwoods Barbie, choosing instead to spend approximately 2,398 words on her breasts (which she nicknamed "shock" and "awe.") "They do seem like public property in a way. They served me well — I don't know if I'm supporting them or they're supporting me. I've always had nice ones but of course I've had 'em jacked up a bit...I'll never graduate from collagen." But her ever-eroding frame may have trouble accomodating such a heaving bosom: though she tells the writer she's trying to gain weight, she passes up fajitas and nachos in favor of a single sour candy and looks so thin she "couldn't arm wrestle an Olsen twin," according to the writer.

Oh, Dolly, we'd expect to be having this conversation with Carrie Underwood, but not you babe! Don't you become the Amy Winehouse of 2008! Drink some milk and put some meat on the bones.