Considering that Paul Haynes took over the Kent State football team in the 2013 season that in the year before in 2012 had posted a record of 11 – 3 it’s hard for us to understand how Haynes is still the head coach at KSU considering his records…

Overall: 12 – 35

MAC: 8 – 23

….in FOUR years on the job but then as one of our old bosses used to tell us…

“The world needs average folks boys because not everyone can be great!”

Let’s check out Paul Haynes yearly records at Kent State:

2013: 4 – 82014: 2 – 92015: 3 – 92016: 3 – 9

OK….can someone explain to us how Paul Haynes is still the head football coach at Kent State?

We have heard more sound in the middle of Death Valley on a cloudless night that what we just heard in folks answering the above question!

A good Arkansas-alum friend of ours who lives in Ft. Smith, Arkansas and was with his wife in San Francisco recently on a business trip told us at dinner one night the following about Arkansas head coach Bret Bielema:

“Whatever the Hell voodoo hex that Bielema has over Arkansas fans is something I would love to bottle and sell to football coaches everywhere, because there’s no explanation for someone having a 10 – 22 record in SEC play in four seasons on the job having his ass kissed pretty much around the clock by Hog fans!”

Let’s take a look at Bret Bielema’s records at Arkansas with FOUR years on the books:

Overall: 25 – 26

SEC: 10 – 22

Woooooo Pig that’s BAD but then when have some kind of voodoo hex going for you just might be able to have TEN conference wins on the books after FOUR years on the job, but now let’s look at the FOUR most successful Arkansas coaches’ conference records in the post Frank Broyles era to compare to Bielema and those four coaches would be:

Lou Holtz (Southwest Conference): 37 – 18 – 1 (.670)

Ken Hatfield (Southwest Conference): 36 – 10 (.783)

Houston Nutt (SEC Conference): 42 – 38 (.525)

Bobby Petrino (SEC Conference): 17 – 15 (.531)

AND

Bret Bielema (SEC Conference): 10 – 22 (.313)

What the Hell?

Besides talking to our good buddy from Ft. Smith, Arkansas who is pissed as Hell that Below Average As Hell is now acceptable to fans of Arkansas football…

“Because the boy likes to eat, can tell a joke and has a great looking wife!”

….we have reached out to some other folks we have known over the years in the Great State of Arkansas including one who knew Bill Clinton really well when Brother Bill was Governor of Arkansas (Oh, this guy has some great stories about Brother Bill that we wish we could put in this blog!), and when we asked him about the current state of Arkansas football and Bret Bielema his response was:

Long Silence….A Loud Sigh……and then….

“Hell…I don’t know but I do know this….my Son who went to Arkansas was over at my place for dinner couple of weeks back with his wife and kids and he told me he had heard someone say that Bielema’s record against SEC West teams was 7 – 17, and I decided to look it up myself and Damn isn’t Bielema’s record against SEC West teams is 7 – 17! That’s not good boys…that’s just no Damn good at all!”

Yep…Bret Bielema’s record against SEC West teams is 7 – 17 in FOUR years on the job and below are his records against those SEC West teams:

As many people in the South often say when they see their educational systems ranked towards the bottom nationally…

“Thank God For Mississippi!”

….and in this case Bret Bielema can “Thank God For Mississippi” because without those three wins over the Rebels his SEC record at Arkansas would move from…

Devastatingly Bad to Biblically Bad!

So the real question here is how long can Arkansas Football be Below Average As Hell under Bret Bielema who we remind everyone is making $4 Million Dollars Plus a year to win football games for the Razorbacks?

There might be ONE…maybe TWO Morons in America that would give a contract like that to a coach that was not a sitting Athletic Director and no doubt Bret Bielema’s agent is right now having a good laugh at the contract he got from Arkansas AD Jeff Long for Bielema which in our opinion is borderline a criminal act against Arkansas football fans which pay ALL the bills in Fayetteville!

Let’s go to the Arkansas 2017 schedule to see where this situation at Arkansas may be when December rolls around:

The above schedule has TWO cupcakes in Florida A&M and New Mexico State and TWO pretty tough games against TCU and Coastal Carolina (which is no joke team moving up from FCS) out-of-conference so if we had to guess right now Bret Bielema and Arkansas will finish with the below records in 2017:

Overall: 6 – 6

SEC: 3 – 5

Could Bret Bielema survive putting up the above records in his FIFTH season on the job at Arkansas considering he would have a buyout north of $15 Million Dollars if fired?

Not a chance in Hell nor would Arkansas AD Jeff Long with both of them being run out of Fayetteville on a rail by the middle of December!

“Golf is a puzzle without an answer. I’ve played the game for 40 years and I still haven’t the slightest idea how to play.”

And

“If there’s a golf course in heaven, I hope it’s like Augusta National. I just don’t want an early tee time.”

And

“A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks.”

And

“We create success or failure on the course primarily by our thoughts.”

And

“You must work very hard to become a natural golfer.”

And

Gary Player’s Ten Commandments

1. Change is the price of survival.2. Everything in business is negotiable, except quality.3. A promise made is a debt incurred.4. For all we take in life we must pay.5. Persistence and common sense are more important than intelligence.6. The fox fears not the man who boasts by night but the man who rises early in the morning.7. Accept the advice of the man who loves you, though you like it not at present.8. Trust instinct to the end, though you cannot render any reason.9. The heights of great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but that while their companions slept were toiling upward in the night.10. There is no substitute for personal contact.