Tired of this all

I am not sure what is the right thing to do anymore. It seems like there is nothing that makes me feel better anymore. Empty. After much thinking and preparation for a thorough conversation with a guy I had an intimate moment, he decided to go out with someone else. I tried mixing up with different people but I just do not feel any joy in it (so why bother?). I cannot keep a job because I always feel miserable with it (low pay and unchallenging responsibilities). I quit school because I have difficulty concentrating in my classes and the people I have to deal with. I live with my parents which is totally depressing of all. My friends are not people I can be totally honest with. Although some of them may know that I suffer from some kind of depression, they have no idea how debilitating it really is for me. My life is a lie. As a matter of fact, I still tell them that I am taking classes in college (when I already withdrew since last semester); I tell them I meet people when I do not. I pretend that I am confident in some things when I am so so scared of almost everything now, may it be people or situation. If there is a title to be given to me, it would be "The Pretender". I have no money, no job, no motivation. What and how am I to move forward?

I am not sure what is really depressing me the most or what the root of my depression is. There are just too many things that I have thought of...but everyday I have to go home at my parents house, I feel like I die. I know I have to move out and live a life of my own and not feel trapped anymore, but how can I with my present weak condition? Maybe medication is the answer, but I fear the risk that I am taking. I am so confused. I am so tired of pretending, of lying, of hiding, of being sad, of feeling weak, I need help. But is it there? I am slowly losing hope. Will I ever see a better version of my life? Ever?

Please give me some encouragement here (besides therapy, I am already pushing that process although it is not really much of a help right now...I feel so drained and heavier everytime I live that place instead of lighter, quite ironic).

Oh backtomyoldself, I really feel for you! I know what's it's like not to have anyone that you can completely open yourself up to and be accepted. Most people do not want to be around people who are depressed. That just adds fuel to the fire for the depressed person--they feel more isolated, lonely and desperate.

I happen to believe that telling those little white lies to your friends is actually o.k. for the time being. Have you ever heard of "fake it to ya make it?" Because that is what you're doing essentially--You not divulging your true situation right now because, quite frankly, a lot of non-depressed people do not understand and have no idea how to respond to people in these states. I know ultimately you want to find people who love you for who you are completely--and you will--if you keep yourself open to it. Please do not isolate yourself. Keep going out with your friends. Join a gym, book club, hiking club, yoga or anything that even slightly interests you. Get a puppy! That would force you to go outside (and they tend to be guy magnets to boot).

I know that these suggestions are not earth shattering solutions but the main thing is to keep fighting through this rough, lonely patch. There is light and hope, if you want to see it.

Medication was the answer for me & many others. I have been on anti-depressants for around 7 years. Before that, my life was like a self imposed prison, where I was ruled by guilt, low self esteem, emptiness & hopelessness. Now, I can enjoy life again, it's worth it to give it a try.

Oh backtomyoldself, I really feel for you! I know what's it's like not to have anyone that you can completely open yourself up to and be accepted. Most people do not want to be around people who are depressed. That just adds fuel to the fire for the depressed person--they feel more isolated, lonely and desperate.

I happen to believe that telling those little white lies to your friends is actually o.k. for the time being. Have you ever heard of "fake it to ya make it?" Because that is what you're doing essentially--You not divulging your true situation right now because, quite frankly, a lot of non-depressed people do not understand and have no idea how to respond to people in these states. I know ultimately you want to find people who love you for who you are completely--and you will--if you keep yourself open to it. Please do not isolate yourself. Keep going out with your friends. Join a gym, book club, hiking club, yoga or anything that even slightly interests you. Get a puppy! That would force you to go outside (and they tend to be guy magnets to boot).

I know that these suggestions are not earth shattering solutions but the main thing is to keep fighting through this rough, lonely patch. There is light and hope, if you want to see it.

holst

I am alone most of the time. My closest friends are mostly out of state, unfortunately, and some are married so we really do not get to see or hear from each other like we used to. I do not have very many acquaintances where I am, and I have to admit that part of the problem is my depression. ALthough I want to develop close relationships, it usually fails because of my mood disorder. It is very depressing. Most of the time I just stay at home, inside my room doing nothing but watch tv and sleep. If I have the energy I go out shop (window) or jog or go to the coffee shop or the beach. That's basically it. I do not have any money for anything else.

I am just so so so damn tired and yet I do nothing at all. My life sucks.

Medication was the answer for me & many others. I have been on anti-depressants for around 7 years. Before that, my life was like a self imposed prison, where I was ruled by guilt, low self esteem, emptiness & hopelessness. Now, I can enjoy life again, it's worth it to give it a try.

There are so many things in my mind that I believe could be causing my depression. First, I feel trapped being inside my parent's house, especially being at my age (late 20s). I do not have the best relations with them, never. You can imagine how bad I feel having to go home every single day because I have nowhere else to go. I know I have to be thankful that I have a roof over my head, but it is also like torture. You might say then get it together, get a job and move out. Easy to say, hard to do. Unfortunately, I cannot even get a freaking job that would be sufficient enough to get me an apartment. How about a roommate? That's a no no for me. Now you are saying, well, you need to change your attitude and compromise. The truth is if I know someone I can share an apartment with and trust as well, I would have compromised, but I do not know anyone who is worth living with.

As far as medications, I am seriously considering it. However, I would want to try the traditional methods first. It just sucks to depend on govt. health services coz I do not have much of an option. Please do not take what I am about to say as negative, but I feel as though the people who actually handles my case are not competent enough (social workers). I need a psychologist or a psychiatrist or something with more training and experience at least. Sigh.

Right now, I want to concentrate on moving out of this place. I am really dying in here. Does anyone relate with me?