Do you have a victim or creator perspective?

O.k. great so bad things happen to everyone. It happens to everyone, no one is exempt. I have noticed however that the same bad things can happen to two people and they can handle it completely differently?

If you had to watch these two people in action and over a period of time (like some months) you’d start to notice that different bad stuff is now happening to them.

You see the guy that really believes he’s a total victim in the situation and well you know “why does this shit always happen to me?” is the extent of his belief system with regard to how the world works and he’ll keep getting more shit and usually the really stinky messy stuff.

Because he’s a total victim oblivious to the creative nature of himself and the universe he doesn’t do anything differently and keeps holding fast to his belief that “life is happening to him”. From there naturally he’ll just keep having more and more shitty thoughts.

He’ll keep running “shitty” movies about what life is about and all the stuff that can go wrong and voila…more “shit happening” Some people like to call this “negative thinking” I like to call it stupid.

My oldest son just said to me the other day “mom you always look at the bright side or at least say things are going to work out and sometimes they don’t, but you still say it” I responded simply “son I have two ways I can possibly look at any situation” one that makes me feel good and one that makes me feel bad.

Since it hasn’t happened anyway, I’ll just choose the one that makes me feel good – why would I want to feel bad?”

Maybe that’s positive thinking, or maybe it’s just smart…I like to think I’m smart, so I’ll go with that.

There’s just no escaping it, if you tune your radio station onto SHITFM you’re gonna get shit…it’s that easy.

Now the other guy has a hugely differently perspective and he says “shit that happened”. Now that is different than saying “shit happens”. At some level there is some curiousity and perhaps even a realization that at some level something else could have happened and it didn’t…so what made the “shit “ happen instead?

“When will I be done with this shit?” Now that’s a great question.

It actually sets forth a search that is solution focussed. Running through what happened over and over will only tune your radio station to SHITFM.

Instead of that; tune into what you want to happen and start focussing on getting yourself out and into a situation you’d rather be in. Start making the best of the situation at once.

Finding some good (although this can be tough) is absolutely essential to feeling better and to keeping your radio tuned to HappyTimesFM. When you do encounter some shit, see what you can learn from it, and then make some better choices for next time.

It’s a little tricky to summarize here, but the bottom line is that your future is being created right now in this very moment, whatever you’ve tuned your radio station into now, is what you will receive. When shit happens get to a good place as quickly as possible, sure enough less and less shit will happen and the next thing you know people will be giving you are hard time for being a “positive thinker” LOL!

If you don’t find the lesson it will come back again to teach you …the universe is very patient like that.

3 comments on “Do you have a victim or creator perspective?”

I totally agree with what you said, but like you said “sometimes it’s difficult” and I find that here at work,it’s gotten to the point that just hearing a co-worker’s voice drives me up the wall and all the projects I do are with her…aaarrrggg!!! I try hard to get to HappyTimes FM, but more often than not, I can’t stay there…I have 5-6 years to retirement and I wish like hell it was this year!!! My doctor wants me to take stress leave, but I dont’ have much sick time left to take because I took it before Mom & Dad died to help nurse them and it won’t solve the “co-worker” problem. How can I get to my HappyTimes FM and stay there????????? Sorry if I rattled on too much. Love your stuff!!! Barb

Hey Barb – great question/example of how we can get caught on SHITFM. I really apprecaite you sending your comments. There are a few things going on here, and I’m going to break it down as concisely as possible. 1. “just hearing my co workers voice drives me up the wall…” That’s because you’ve actually created an auditory anchor. You’ve linked her voice to aaarrrggg!!!. If we hook up I can break the anchor for you. Anchors can be visual, auditory, kinesthetic and can be good and bad. You might find that the smell of freshly baked cookies makes you feel cozy and secure and maybe even link to a specific memory. This is the same thing but it’s unresourceful and unfavourable. You can attempt to break it yourself by paying attention to when the anchor is fired off and immediately link it to something you really like. With practise you will go from a)hearing the voice b) to aaarrrggg!!! c) to the nice place. To make it work best make it a friqin awesome place with really strong emotions and big bright vivid colours, 10x stronger than the aaarrrggg!!!! . 2. ” and I wish to hell it was this year” As tough as this may be to hear you and your coworker are working something level at a spirit level. You’ve agreed to be teachers for each other. Wishing away the “now” is simply not helpful in getting you to a good place because a) you are creating your future in this moment, so when you spend your now being unhappy or wishing your life away…that’s exactly what you’re attracting – more of “wishing your life away”, b) As I said there is a learning experience between the two of you. It is inevitable that you will learn it. If not this lifetime, it will be the next or the next and I suspect you don’t want that. If it’s possible for you to accept the possibility that this experience is happening for a reason as there are no accidents in life, then you’re well on your well to “healing” this situation completely. It will take you some practice, but if you’re willing here’s something you can try. Make a conscious decision that you are fed up with it and although you don’t know what to do you want it to change and you are surrendering it to the powers that be. When you actually, literally say “I surrender to this situation and ask that it be healed on whatever level it needs to be healed on as I am ready to move forward” and then let it go with a deep breath and a big sigh and with the knowledge that it will be done. With that the process is started. Give it some time things are slower and sluggish on this earthly plane, but it’s being done. All you need do from that point on is during your daily interaction with aaarrrggg!!! remind yourself – especially when you begin to get upset, remind yoruself of who you really are when you are at your absoltue best, go to that place, and then remind yourself of what you already know at some level and that is that their behaviour is about them and their insecurities, and that they are providing you an opportunity grow and learn. As well remind yourself that the situation is being healed. Barb you will be very surprised to find that the situtation will suddenly begin to change. Focus focus focus on what you want to feel, stay away from thoughts of wishing you were elsewhere (you’ve decided to stay until retirement so stick to your decision with joy) and stay away from telling yourself over and again how sick you’re becoming or stressed or whatever…remember when you do that you’re creating that future. You certainly do want to make it to retirement and be completely happy and healthy don’t you? Do as I’ve said word for word…and watch the miracle. Be happy Barb and keep me posted.

She doesn’t like being taught or her mistakes being pointed out, so I am in the wrong and she hangs over my shoulder no matter how many times I have asked her not to and if you are anything like me, someone watching over your shoulder will assuredly lead to you making mistakes…I had been doing really well for the past 6 years, but you can only take so much and the breaking point came back in June/10. I am still doing my best not to get too upset, but now come to find out, our boss, instead of having individual meetings, will be having group meetings…I just remembered one thing that really has me upset…my boss has 2 little girls, she’s a single mother, aarrgg has a son who is 14, I have a son who just got married and lives in Montreal… here’s the problem: my boss is taking between Christmas & New Year’s off, I normally take the week before, but I would rather take the same time as her because Mom is no longer home and I only went home early because I helped Mom get ready. Well, with 2 of us out, aarrgg can’t get her USUAL time off, but here’s the kicker…she is Jewish, so her Christmas is before ours so she gets that time off, so in my book, I should get MY CHRISTMAS TIME off,(plus I travel) correct? Well, I will be bringing this up at our group meeting and see what happens…sorry, I’m rambling again…anyway, it’s all about what she wants and because she has been here longer than me, she’s supposed to get first choice…I don’t believe she should in this instance. Anyway, I best get back to work…many thanks and I will try your suggestions. Barb

Jackey Backman is the co-founder of One Spirit Inc. and One Spirit NLP Training. She helps both company's and individuals make the most of their most valuable resource. Their Human Resource! She is know for bringing out the absolute in in human. A candid yet compassionate international trainer, and author Jackey has delivered inspiring and life enhancing presentations to more than 30,000 people word wide on topics including Leadership, Self Development and Spiritual Growth.