The point of death

By Anonymous, st. louis, MO

Image Credit: Rusty P., Balch Springs, TX

The author's comments:

It is a story meant to show how every person counts in this world!

She was the shy one and the gentle one but I was the snobby and catty teenager. One day my whole life changed. Jennie Marks came to our school as a transfer student. She was the beautiful and humble person inside. Yes, every one envied her except for me and my troubled soul.I was experiencing my parents divorcing and up until then I WAS THE BEST ONE! Then when she came she changed everything. They all crowded around her, my friends.

I was the best at sports and one day SHE BEAT MY TEAM! NOBODY, I MEAN NOBODY EVER BEAT MY TEAM BECAUSE THEY HAD ME! I WAS THE BEST! So after a while things continued getting worse for me. I began hating her. I would snicker at her and make funny imitations of her. Suddenly I was back in control. Everyone started making fun of her and I WAS THE BIG SHOT!

Yes, I was the best again! Soon she began failing in her classes and she started crying when She thought no one was around. She began her troubled decent as I had once did. I mean while was loving all the attention until one day she had enough. One day she just left school. Later did I find out she had killed herself. She wrote one last note before she pulled the trigger and breathed her last.

It read... “I feel so much pain. Nobody cares. No, one wants me here so I shall leave forever. I don’t care anymore I was never meant to be.” I was at school when the announcement of her death came. I started feeling this pain inside me and I began crying as she had done. I began to wonder If I had a part in her death. That I had made her do this.

I felt this gut wrenching pain and one day I was about to kill my self as she had done, when I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I looked outside and saw no one. I then felt a hand on my shoulder and i dropped the gun. I fell to my knees crying. From that day on I knew that Jennie Mark had contacted me so that i wouldn’t do what she did. I then began my change.

Later on I realized how I had made the wrong decisions but I realized how even a girl that was never popular had saved my life.

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The story idea was very interesting, still I think it would be a little nicer if you had skipped all the capital letters. I know you meant to add emphasis, but it sort of makes it seem a little less professional.