I’ve been friends with two girls for like 10yrs now- let’s call them Red and Blonde. They used to be like sisters and party together a lot. Over time they stopped sharing as many similar interests/friends, they don’t talk every month, but they’d still consider themselves close.

Ok, Blonde eloped a few years ago, nobody was invited, they had no reception, kept it all very quiet/no big deal. Life went on as usual.

Last weekend we were all hanging out and Blonde asked when Red was getting married, and Red seriously told Blonde that she wasn’t invited to the wedding because Red wasn’t invited to hers. WHAT?! This was totally left-field, everything else that night was fine with their friendship- they’re not fighting over anything- but Red was serious about this and thought she was justified. I thought Red was being stupid- maybe that way of thinking works with co-workers but we’re good friends, this is petty.

Maybe she has a ton of guests and had to put some rules in place to manage it. A lot of people do this for +1s, i.e. only married or engaged couples. Maybe she has a blanket rule and isn’t inviting anyone who didn’t invite her (even though an elopement is not really a wedding). Or perhaps the friendship is more one sided and not valued as much to her.

Very strange. We weren’t invited to the best man’s wedding because it was small, family only, and on Christmas Eve. I have another friend who got married locally in September and we weren’t invited to their wedding, but they’re on our guest list. I hope they don’t see it as a gift grab, I genuinely want them there if they can make it, and either way I won’t be hurt if they don’t give us a present. I assume they had a small wedding relative to their number of family and friends, and I’m not hurt by it. My best friend from elementary school got married in September also and I wasn’t invited as we’ve only seen each other occasionally over the past decade, but I honestly can’t imagine not inviting her, so she’s on my guest list.

My first reaction was “hmmm that can’t be the real reason, can it?” Maybe she just doesn’t consider her a good friend anymore and had to find an excuse why she didn’t make it on the guest list? But if that’s the real reason why Blonde’s not invited to Red’s wedding, that’s really petty and immature. How about you ask Red whether or not she was serious? That should help.

My SO and I are putting together a framework guest list and we’re using “were we invited to their wedding” as a guideline – but our wedding will be quite small, probably less than 50 people, and it’s a useful tool for making the cut. I have a “frenemy” who had a destination elopement that we won’t be inviting but our decision has nothing to do with not being at their wedding.

@secretwife: My advice, stay out of it! Red is being completely riduclous, but it’s between her and Blonde. Don’t get caught in the middle and don’t pick sides, it’s only going to make things worse for you. It’s not your problem.