The Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign

We’ve always been motivated and inspired by the motto ‘Don’t hate, congratulate’. Well, after hearing recent efforts from white rappers the world over, we’ve done enough congratulating for this lifetime. Hence we kick off our long overdue Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign. Here are the aims:

1) Stop cracker ass crackers rapping.
2) That’s it.

Now, we’re not ig’nant. We know some crackers have kicked it. That’s why we’re introducing the Fat Lace licensing system, whereby some crackers get a rap pass. Every few days the Stop Crackers Rapping Star Chamber will meet and issue or revoke licenses based on current and recent performance. There will be permanent bans, and lifetime passes for those rare crackers who deserve it.

Sensitive idiots, pause before filling the comments section with your bile. Actually, don’t, we can just ignore it. Instead, use the time while you wait for your next free Rapidshare slot to open up to take a look around like Masta Ace and tell us who we should be banning for life, and who gets a ride.

So we’re putting off Easter until next year, we’re calling this the Anti-White Weekend. Who will be on our hit-list and who made the shit-list, check back to see who gets passed and failed. And if you’re a rapping cracker reading this heed the words of Rakim Allah “drop the mic, you shouldn’t be holdin’ it”.

77 Responses to "The Stop Crackers Rapping Campaign"

I think the worst white rapper ever has to got be none other than DAVE the RUFF aka RUF MOUTH or whatever he calls himslef now…if you’ve ever heard his records or been unfortunate enough to see him live then you’ll agree a ban is way too light a punishment for his atrocities.

I have to agree with 7even: Don’t drag Puerto Ricans/Latinos into this. They ain’t got shit to do with this! Leave Fat Joe and Cypress Hill for another day and another debate. Although fair enough, it’s an easy mistake to make. I have to admit I was mad confused as an 11 year old when I first heard B-Real and Fat Joe using the “N” word in their rhymes. After all, it was the fact that B-Real and DJ Muggs could pass for white dudes, which I’m sure had something to do with their massive UK student following in the UK during the early to mid nineties (that, and their weed endorsements) (please correct me if I’m wrong). You see their ain’t a big Puerto Rican/Latino community in the UK. I remember my first thought, as an impressionable youngster was “are they really allowed to use that word?”. I felt a fool, a fool I tells you, after being schooled on the whole Puerto Rican/Latino thing!

Anyway, back to the debate in hand. May I start with a controversial choice. I’d like to give a pass to actor slash “rappers’ best mate” Michael Rappaport. He’s on some crappy sit-com on UK Living (or some other such shitty channel) at the moment, but you may know him better as Pheobe’s ginge cop boyfriend in Friends. A quick flick through ‘The Black Album’ inlay reveals that he’s crazy tight with Jay-Z. Also, unless I’m very much mistaken, he plays the role of cellmate to Masta Ace on ‘A Long Hot Summer’. And if that wasn’t enough he also kicks a mean rap (over the same beat used once by Biz Markie, aswell as The Gravediggaz on ‘Constant Elevation’) on High & Mighty’s ‘Highlite Zone’. The track’s called ‘How To Rob An Actor’ and I’ve got to say I’m impressed with his mic skills (If indeed he did write his own rhymes). During the track he tells Joan Rivers to “shut the fuck up”, and observantly points out that “Trucker hats are wack”. If all that isn’t enough give him a pass for the aptness of his name alone! Calvin Broadus, Clifford Smith and James Todd Smith would kill for such a cool, and apt, name!!

I feel that MC Serch should get a pass. Yes, he and Pete did pick on easy targets for dissing during the early nineties (MC Hammer and Vanilla Ice), but there’s no denying his mic skills (check out his M.any Y.oung L.ives A.go album if proof were needed).

Eminem definitely deserves a pass. Granted he’s released alot of god awfulness recently, but that’s mainly down to his own piss poor beat making, rather than his mic skills (Dre’s the one I feel sorry for, due to the fact that people too lazy to read the credits assume he does all Eminem’s beats, when infact Slim Shady is behind the boards for alot of his own shit).

Edan – pass. Come on! Even if you dismissed him as a throwback rapper after ‘Primative Plus’, you must have changed your minds upon listening to ‘Beauty and the Beat’. Surely?!

As far as UK white dudes go, you gotta pass Blade?! ‘Lion goes from strength to strength’? ‘The Unknown”? Noone can say he hasn’t got skills. Also Stig Of The Dump should be passed, simply for the way he absolutely destroyed Asher D in that freestyle battle? It was such a mismatch it was embarassing!

As far as bans go, I’d have to agree with MC Paul Barman – He’s just irritating!

Noone else need even mention Mike Skinner anymore, that kind of goes without saying. He should be publicly flogged, nevermind have his rap pass revoked.

As a final thought I would like to point out the fact that microphone wackness isn’t an affliction of all white rappers. For many it is, sure, but for some, no. Some black rappers can suffer from large bouts of microphone wackness too, just look at Melachi The Nutcracker. Hiding behind some of DJ Premier best beats shouldn’t disguise the fact that he couldn’t rap for shit (am I the first to point this out?)

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve got Livin’ Proof. I thought Lil’ Dap was alright. I just couldn’t help thinking at the time that a whole album’s worth of top-notch beats had gone to waste. If I remember correctly it was released in 1995, at a time when that era of raw New York beats was coming to an end, and beats of that calibre were few and far between. I just thought that had the beats been given to Jeru The Damaja, Nas or even to another Gang Starr project, the results would have been much better. Surely everyone would agree with that?

I still stand by my original statement though: That Melachi was not a very good rapper.

Cheers for the heads up 7even!! To be honest I’ve always assumed Muggs was of the same ethnic origins as B-Real. Just goes to show that you shouldn’t make sweeping assumptions like that! Either way Cypress Hill should get a pass white or otherwise.

I have to admit I’m a little confused as to who qualifies for praise/abuse and who doesn’t. I was under the impression were dealing with straight up Anglo-Saxon here?!

Also I feel it needs pointing out to a few that this is a witch hunt of piss poor contributions to hip-hop made by certain white dudes, not simply naming every white person associated with hip-hop that you can think of, just for the hell of it.

I don’t know whether it was this blog, or one of the others, but I read someone say ban all Jewish DJs from the UK, or something along those lines. As if them being Jewish was the reason for banning them, rather than whether they actually thought they were any good or not! I might be wrong on that one, but that’s how it read to me. Either way I say give all the HHC boys a big fat pass (that’s Dan Greenpeace, Yoda and Andrew Emery). They ain’t done shit wrong.