“If you are a dreamer,come in. If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar, a hoper, a prayer, a magic-bean-buyer. If you're a pretender, come sit by my fire, for we have some flax-golden tales to spin. Come in! Come in!” ~Shel Silverstein

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Tomorrow is the big day friends. The day I part ways with my scale. Several of you have been living scale free it seems, and some of you want to play with me (ooh..that sounded like fun).

SO, I have to have a plan seeing as how I am going to the parents boat for the long weekend. My original plan was to drink and be merry. But now, since I won't be able to see the damage in numbers, I feel as though I might need to be better behaved.

I am taking my cute Tarvis tumbler with its lid. I will drink more water than Diet Sunkist, beer, or vodka (man...this plan sounds suckie already).

I will try to make positive food choices a majority of the time. I will eat what is served and enjoy it, but focus on portion control. Yuckie.

I do not need to drink much beer, seeing how I don't enjoy it much anyways.

Wine. Man...its going to be hard to not indulge. I like wine now. WHY DID YOU PEOPLE HELP ME BECOME A wine-o? WHY? But, instead of drinking 4 bottles by myself, perhaps I will just drink one.

I am going to be active. First, I am going to ski my heart out. I am going to make my dad take me real early, like 6 am, when the water is still smooth as class. I am taking my workout clothes just in case I can convince myself to go running. Probably not on that one.

And there...that is my plan. Nothing crazy. Just some guidelines.

OOH, and I plan to take lots of pictures and have lots of pictures taken.

And they are going to live forever because I wouldn't know what to do without them. So. Just so you know, they will be the first dog and dad to live forever, or at least as long as me.

My father almost broke this rule though when at age 45, he had open heart surgery...and 6 bypasses.

Today, at the young age of 68 (what's age though when you are immortal)...he is still kicking ass and taking names.

You have met Big Al before, but I shall reintroduce you:

So, a couple of weeks ago, I recieved an email from our CEO here at work...asking me if I would be a Team Captain for the upcoming Northwest Florida Heart Walk, benefiting the American Heart Association. I couldn't say NO. I mean, he is the CEO. And if I have to raise money, at least it is for something that we Workman's know all too well. (It's close to our heart...who doesn't love a tacky pun).

The problem is...I don't like asking for things, especially money. I feel guilty. BUT I AM GOING TO DO IT.

Now...the Heart Walk isn't until October 1st. For all my girls here around Pensacola, I would love for you to be on my team and come and walk with us. You don't have to raise money yourselves, but just showing up and supporting the cause would be awesome...and if you happened to donate a little...well...that couldn't hurt.

For the rest of you, if you would like to donate, I would appreciate it. I was going to link you right to the Heart Walk site, where you can contribute...but the minimum donation is $25. I don't know who has $25, so I put a donate button over on the right side of the blog that will link you to paypal. I think a paypal donation can be as small as you need it to be. Trust me...I am the girl that sometimes only has .33 cents in her checking account...so if you CAN'T donate...that's okay. I promise. If you can only donate $2.00, that is okay too! Think if everyone just donated $2.

So there you have it. My plea.

namaste

Update: I am adding the official Heart Walk widget as well. This links your right to to their site and you dont need paypal. However, the minimum donation is $25. But just in case :)

I did not take my measurements before surgery. So for those of you just beginning any weight loss endeavour, I recommend it. My first recorded measurements post surgery were on June 22nd, 2009 (5 months post op, @ 254 pounds, and 73 pounds down.

I actually do not like taking my measurements. They are more discouraging to me than the scale. The scale I can blame on things like muscle vs fat, water weight, salt.

The measurements are the measurements. For example, the last time I measured was Dec. 4, 2010. So, nearly 7 months...my measurements havent changed. EXCEPT, I have gained an inch in my arms and 2 inches in my belly.

mmmhmmm...whatchu think about that.

I am actually glad for the gain in my arms, bc I can say with certainty...that's muscle. The belly...I don't know. I did read that muscle takes up more room than fat, but I dont think that two inches below my belly button as any more muscular now than in December.

But here is something. Heather, miniature tone little Heather, let me take her measurements back in January. She is almost 5'4, and 124 pounds. In all of her measurements, with the exception of her belly, we are only about 2-3" different. Her belly is about 9" smaller than mine. But her waist is only 2 inches smaller. Funny huh? Funny because it tells you how different our shapes are. She is more like a pencil, and I am more like an hourglass. But also funny because I see her as so damn tiny. And she is. I have several pairs of shorts I wear at home that are Heathers. Now, she does like to wear her shorts baggy and roomy, and I wear my clothes a little more fitting...but whenever she tells me "try my pink shorts on" I am always braced for them not fitting.

So yesterday, instead of listening to music while working, I listen to my other girlfriend Jillian Michaels podcasts. I love Jillian of course and think dirty thoughts highly of her. I realize that she, like most fitness professionals, has her own opinions and "facts". But I do enjoy hearing her point of view and advice on certain topics. So when I went to circuit last night I was all pumped up on Jillian Juice and must have said "Jillian told me today..." at least 23 times.

No joke.

So in my own words, these are some of the things I took away from my podcastathon.

1. Again she talked about vanity pounds. She said if you have 5-15 pounds to lose, those are probably vanity pounds. Your body is healthy, but you want to change it a little more.

2. You cannot spot train to lose in just one area. Heather says this all the time as well. When you lose weight, the way you work out and/or what you do or do not eat will not take away fat "just from your ____ ". You will lose from all over, or wherever your body wants you too. Often people will ask Heather what they can do for their abs. And she tells them "diet". Meaning, a lot of us who work out regularly have good abs and a solid core but we have fat covering them. Bastard fat.

3. If you want to ad bulk (she said she was talking to men for the most part bc women rarely want to add bulk...um...but I was listening) then you need to find out what you 1-rep max is. So if I want to add bulk to my chest, I find what I can press ONCE...the heaviest I can go...and then figure what 85% of that is. Then, I press that weight 3-5 times, for at least 3 sets. Interesting. So yesterday, just for fun, I pressed 50 lb dumbells to see if I could. I could. But it was hard.

4. I have to go back to drinking organic milk. After I watched Food Inc. (if you havent...you should), I was doing good buying organic. But then I kinda strayed away. Well, Jillian says that a normal cow produces 14 gallons of milk, and a cow that is hopped up on steroids and antibiotics (which we drink), produces 100. That ain't natural. Back to organic I go.

5. She talked about letting your body rest and recover. I know I don't do this like I should. I take the weekends off, but I should have a day in between. OR, work upper one day...and lower the next...and so on. Which I am trying to do better at. But without proper rest, your body can't rebuild.

6. Injury is no excuse for not exercising. If you have a bad shoulder, work your lower body. If you have a bad knee, work your upper body.

7. um...I think that's all I can remember.

8. OH, she told me that the HOUR after a workout is the "golden hour" for eating. I had said 30 minutes in my breakfast post yesterday.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

1. The power went off last night, for what seemed like an eternity. So at some point, although I cannot verify for sure, I believe it was approximately 400 degrees in our bedroom.

2. After the power came back on, I was then in superclingygirlfriend mode and was trying to tell Heather, through a series of nonverbal movements, including but not limited to wallering, tossing, and turning...that I wanted her to spoon me. WHY she could not sense this while she was asleep is beyond me, but eventually I just started pouting and scooted all the way to my side of the bed. Unfortunetly, she didnt see this either through her closed eyelids. Then I turned to glare at her and she was so precious looking...which made me pout all over again.

3. I am having a shoe crisis...coupled with a pants crisis. Sometimes I get bored and want to wear something I don't wear very often. Today that is a pair of Express slacks in a camel color. WELL, camel and khaki can highlight my ass and rear thigh cellulite, so I have to wear the power panties to smooth that all out. And they suck. So, strike one in the closet this morning. I love sweating as a I get dressed. THEN, I went to put on my new black heels but they were too high for these pants so I couldn't wear them, so I am wearing a nude colored heel that doesnt match my camel colored slacks and that bothers me!

4. I got to work and my backup battery pack for the computer was beeping. After calling the help desk, I realized the entire breaker for the office was tripped which means the mini-fridge in the office, which contained a new gallon of milk I had purchased yesterday, had been off all night. WHICH MEANT I was going to have to go and get milk in shoes that don't match my pants.

5. I am dieting. And that makes me grumpy in and of itself.

6. My body hurts all the time. I have muscle soreness from lifting, which I can deal with but just one day I would like not to be sore. But then I have joint soreness which sucks even more because it makes me feel old. I have started doing some plyometrics during circuit (jump training/using your own body weight) and all that jumping is bad for my knees and legs. Huh...go figure.

Most days at work this is what I eat for breakfast. It is the Atkins Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar and some 2% milk.

The bar has 19 grams of protein, 2 net carbs, and 240 calories. I found this little guy when I was doing Atkins, and like it for several reasons. Although it is not something you will probably ever crave for its superb tastiness, it is not bad. It is also very solid and takes me about 10 minutes to eat. I take a bite, put it down, have some milk...rinse and repeat. And while it has the same amount of calories as a Snickers (trust me, this is how I have justified eating a Snickers for breakfast recently), it is a good way for me to NOT to start my day off with tons of sugar.

Now, I like my 2% milk. I could drink 1%, but for a few extra calories, I prefer the 2. Depending on whether I drink 1 or 2 cups, that is anywhere between 8-16 grams of protein.

This is also a great breakfast for me on mornings I work out. 30 grams of protein within 30 minutes before or after working out is a good rule of thumb. Your muscles are very hungry and use the goodies in protein optimally at that point.

ALSO, this will hold me for a few hours before I am physically hungry again.

Happy Wednesday. I am extremely grumpy today and probably should be quarantined until further notice.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Well you are right. So I was hemming and hawing on my decision to go scale-less for the month of July...fitting and appropriate yes...as it is the month of of Independence here in the great states of the United.

Anways, essentially I was talking myself out of it but because so many of you were like:

"OOOH, Amy if any can do it. You can"

or

"If you do I will do it"

OR

"Amy, you are a beautiful moon goddess...go for it". (I made that one up)

I will do it. I think the only way to bring peace into my mind during this non-number focused month ahead is to really commit to being the best bandster I can be. Working out is a given, but the food is not. So I will have to choose a healthier diet with more consistency.

A couple of scary pause points if you will.

#1. We are going to my parents boat for the Fourth. I had planned on drinking and participating in nonsense all weekend, but we have to limit my drinking now. EMPTY calories. That's okay. I run am actually more fun to others when I am sober, as Drunk Amy is sometimes moody and needs even more attention than normal...if you can imagine.

#2. I have to see Dr. Friedman next week for a scheduled visit. Which technically means there will be a scale involved, but it's not my scale...so it doesnt count. I don't know whose bright idea it was to schedule a damn appointment right after a holiday. I was probably in some sort of love haze after seeing Dr. Friedman so I can imagine I just replied "Sure...schedule me anytime...sure..."

#3. My weight is at an all time high (since reaching goal). It is 175.4. ShhhNIKES! I don't know how or why...but mama no likey.

What is funny though is there is a noticeable difference (to me and Heather anyways) in my body. I was looking at a picture of me when I met goal in my bikini, and one taken recently. I am the same weight, but you can see a slight difference. More tone, less skin. I will see if I can take a picture tonight and do a side-by-side. People keep saying "you keep getting skinnier"...and I tell them..."actually I haven't lost anymore in about 6 months...its just shifting! I hope that is true.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Nope. I am not. This thought has been jostling around in my skullbucket for a couple of weeks. I didn't know if I wanted to commit or not. I didnt know if it was a good thing or a bad thing. I didn't know if fairies existed. Now...thanks to True Blood...I do.

Stage right: Lights come up on Amy. She steps on scale. Again, freshly pottied, dry as a bone, and nude.

Scale reads 173.4.

Amy feels like fat cow. Maybe she should visit Jenny's doctor to confirm cow-ness...right before she punches him with her bulbous bicep powered arm.

End Scene

What I am saying is that where I am right now where I AM, I think I need a break from the scale. It fluctuates a little, and those fluctuations sometimes play a part in my mental place...regardless of whether or not I have gained an inch...I can feel fatter.

You know what I am talking about.

So, starting July 1st...I will weigh for the month and be done. My intention, for the month of July is to try and eat cleaner and make better choices and just live my life.

It's kinda funny this fear that makes my heart race. For the last 2.5 years, I have weighed and focused on the numbers.

But here is what I know:

I know what I need to eat. I know how my body reacts when I make the right choices. I know that me weighing in at 170 or 160-whatever, that a few pounds up or down on the scale, doesn't show on my body. I know that my 170 looks different than other 170. I know that I am healthy. I know that the BMI chart is a pile of dragon shit. I know that if I start taking whey protein and creatine to grow my muscles, that is probably going to grow the number on the scale.

Thursday, June 23, 2011

You already know what I am talking about. We have heard this many times in our lives as fatties. "You have such a pretty face"...

And for most of us...we wanted to be MORE than "just a pretty face".

Well, dating and loving a woman has many fun facets to it that you don't get to enjoy if you are dating a man. One such "fun facet" is that when you are dating a man...you never have to worry about him stealing and using all the tampons in the house...leaving you with none when you start your period...causing you to have to harken back to the dark ages and make some sort of contraption to stuff in your underwear until you get to the damn store...

But I digress.

Another thing that is different is that because Heather is a woman..and I am a woman...we talk a lot more about bodies, diets, etc...than you would with a normal man partner...

So we were watching The Voice several weeks ago and Frenchie is on. For those of you who watched American Idol years ago, you know Frenchie. Anywhoozle, she is a big gal who has a beautiful complexion, self confidence...and yes...a very pretty face.

And Heather said as much. She said "She has such a pretty face".

And I said...fat girls don't like hearing that.

And she honestly did not understand where I was coming from. Bless her thin girl heart.

"But it's a compliment", she said.

Yes, I told her. But when you see a thin person, you never say "She has such a pretty FACE." You just say "She is pretty". But people say "such a pretty face" and it insinuates that her FACE is pretty...even though her body is not.

You dig?

It was just funny to me that it had never occurred to Heather...and I bet a lot of people who have never been identified by one feature because there others are less than desirable.

We had a new girl start in the office yesterday...and by the end of the day...I knew she was on a diet. I knew because she mentioned trying to stick to a certain routine for her lunches.

And it got me thinking...

How crazy is it that I don't know one woman at peace with food. I don't know one woman who eats for the joy of it. Or at least eats for the joy of it and then doesn't question it or feel guilty if too much joy was had. I don't know of one woman who doesn't doesn't have to think about, mull over, anguish about...food.

You remember in Eat Pray Love when Julie Roberts went to (um...Rome I think?). And how she decided to just eat. Not to become unhealthy, but she wanted to give up all the worry and just enjoy.

Do you know of such people? And they can't be bullshiters. Like those people who pretend they never think about it.

What about you guys from other countries or those of you well traveled?

It's daunting isn't it? Maybe it should feel comforting...all of us being in the same boat.

So. That's it. It was like sign or something that I had to post about this. It's on every blog I look at. I can't ignore it any longer.

HOWEVER...

As I find out more and more of my family members read my blog, I do think about lady-fieing my blog posts...making them more lady-like.

I can't do. So father...if you are reading this...now may be the time to stop.

It's time to talk about our favorite subject: BODY HAIR.

First, we shall start with the decent topic of facial hair. Someone asked me many moons ago on here if my facial hair has decreased since losing weight. Remember...it was my theory that all the fat hormones that were surging through my body were like hair fertilizer if you will to my whiskers. I hoped that upon losing weight, I would have less old lady whiskers.

Alas. My theory did not hold true. Apparently, much like a field of deeply rooted oak trees...once they are there...they are there to stay.

I shall henceforth blame my facial hair on my mother's side of the family. The Roether Whisker Gene is alive and well.

Now. Yesterday I checked out a new blog, thanks to Lapband Gal. She's not a band gal, but she is funny. And she may have changed my life forever. She had a very funny post about her own pubic hair and stated this: "Well Dr. Oz said that the real evolutionary purpose of pubic hair is to absorb odor and disburse pheromones to attract a mate."

Oh. My. Gosh.

So if I actually had some in would increase Heather's desire for me? After finding this out yesterday, I quickly called Heather and told her my new plan and that I was going FULL BUSH. Hello troll-hair...here I come! She is going to be on my like white on rice.

I don't think I can do it though. I don't think I can commit to a grow out. But...just in case...I conditioned my stubble last night.

Moving on, this morning I read Kristin's latest post on her accidental Brazilian. And I loved my comment so much that I had to post it here...because I really do want an answer.

My comment: is buttcrack hair removal standard fair with a Brazilian? I am really only asking for my own knowledge, as no one has every waxed my lady station...but I would like a smooth choco-starfish as well BUTT I think it would really hurt.

Always a lady.

One time my mom tried to wax the back of my thighs for me. I was on all fours and she put the wax on and I remember every time she went to pull it off, I scooted across the bed away from her. I no likey the pain.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Thursday I wore a "new" outfit to work. I vacillated on it before I left the house...I was having a crisis with both my outfit and my hair. The outfit consisted of black slacks, a white tanktop, and a black vest. It was a lot of black and white...and even with accessories...I wasn't feeling it.

So when I got to work, Heather said "what's going on with this outfit...you kinda look like cocktail waitress".

Strike one in the "Amy is already sensitive ball game".

THEN, a few minutes later she asked me when I was going to get my haircut? (I have been putting it off and it WAS in bad shape and overdue). But she told me it looked damaged.

Strike 2 & 3.

I burst into tears.

Damn it. I must be hard to date sometimes....because all I heard was a looked like a waitress with damaged hair.

So, after some hugs and kisses from Heather...trying to pull me back from the edge... I managed to pull myself together long enough to get to the car. I then drove home and changed.

Anyways, Heather said she would fund a haircut and color....so off I went! I told Desty to cut off what she needed. She told me that one of the worst things I can do to my hair is use a crappy flatiron (which is what I have). I bought so yummy deep conditioner...and the new flatiron will be the next purchase. She said it will probably take a couple more haircuts to get the yuck hair out.

I like it. I like having it feel healthier. I like it off my back. I never can make it look as good as Desty...but I will keep trying.

Friday, June 17, 2011

So I have been mulling over this crazy idea of "eating clean". Have you been reading up on it? Have you formed an opinion yet?

Here's one definition from Livestrong:

Clean eating is a diet program based on the idea that the best way to eat is to abundantly enjoy whole foods -- that is, foods as close to their natural state and you can get them. This means eating fresh fruits and vegetables, whole grains and lean proteins instead of pre-packaged, processed foods or fast food. Clean eating is also committed to replacing saturated fats with healthy fats. Many on the plan don't count calories, but instead trust in good quality, healthy food.

Do you eat clean? I will say that a lot of the meals and dinners I make are pretty clean. I use lots of fresh veggies (bell peppers & onions are our favorite). We eat broccoli. Our grains, pastas, etc, are usually always whole wheat. If I do anything packaged, it is something like quiona or whole wheat pasta.

So I think I would like to start making an effort to eat cleaner. Nothing CRAZY and wild, but just starting.

The thing is people... (Bridget the new nutritionist in Dr. Friedman's office...this would be a good time for you to go get a glass of water)...

I don't like a lot of "clean" veggies. Raw carrots...YUCK. Snap peas, asparagus, cute little cherry tomatoes (if I dip them in ranch I can eat 'maters...but I don't think ranch is very clean). I love me some canned green beans, canned peas, corn on the cob. I actually brought some celery today bc I AM TRYING to like it. Of course, I must dip said celery in peanut butter...

but peanut butter has protein!

And fruits...well, some fruits are hard to eat with the band. You can't just crunch into an apple without thought, banana's give me problems sometimes, I have been known to pukie up some grabs (skins are tough). SO it's HARD TO EAT CLEAN.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

I am listening to a Jillian Michaels podcast about salt/sodium AND, not related to the salt...pooping.

There is a doctor chatting about how you need to look at your poop. She said that for those of us (I will refer to us as LADIES), who flush before they even stand up just so I can't catch a glimpse of anything in the toilet..well...she said we need to look.

We need to be aware of our turdlettes.

I can't do it. I don't want to see it. Nope.

Have I told you my irrational fear of wet toliet paper? I know I have. But it GROSSES ME OUT! OH MAN!!!! Like in public restrooms, or near a shower. Even when Heather takes some TP and wipes the counter or something...

I start to gag.

She thought it would be funny the other night to take a wad of wet toilet paper and set it on my toothbrush. When I tried to beat her, she grabbed the wad and chucked it at my nude torso...and it stuck. It stuck right on my ribs.

Thank you for all of you suggestions. I am pretty sure I covered them all. I talked for long enough TO BE SURE. I was sick of my own self by the end! But I did a little presentation using Prezi.com. Have you guys built presentations in Prezi? Man...it's fun. And so much better than Powerpoint.

Anyways, I wanted a presentation because everyone loves pictures. I covered everything you told me to:

Who I was before and Who I am now.
What I eat.
What I drink.
What I wish I had known.
The dreaded PB.
How much I exercise.
What my body looks like underneath my clothes.
You guys.
Heather.
The scale.
Pooping.
Headhunger.
What the band can do and what it cannot.
Being a forever fatty.
How much I weigh. How much I've lost.
Goal setting.

It was okay. It was tough to speak to only 3 band patients and the rest a room of Gastric Bypass.

I did ask Dr. Friedman about the vertical sleeve and his feeling about it...specifically if someone had to have their band removed for whatever reason, would he recommend a VSG or gastric bypass. He had very strong opinions about the VSG. I don't want to speak out of turn or mis-quote him...so I won't...but he is not a fan (to put it nicely). He basically said that Gastric Bypass is the gold standard and a sure thing (at least for the first few years).

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Tonight I am presenting at our hospital's support group. Officially, the title is: Making the Band Work For You. Unofficially the title is: The Girl, The Myth, The Legend.

Possibly a smidge too much?

Of course I am nervous. First, support group usually consists of roughly 40-50 people, with roughly 98% of those being Gastric Bypass. So...I want to make sure my presentation is general enough that everyone can take away a little something. Afterall, we all struggle with many of the same issues.

Second, and this is super important, people have to laugh. I edu-tain. A little education with a healthy dose of entertainment. But I also must practice lady like behavior...which is HARD. For example, I probably shouldn't say "make exercise your bitch"....although I do love that.

Third, I want to inspire. But I would like to do so without coming off a) arrogant b) pompous c) epicly stupid.

And then there is the real issue.

WHAT TO WEAR? My outfit must meet all of the following qualifications:

I think I have a cute little black jersey dress that will do...I just worry it will be too much. I am too much sometimes without a too much dress.

So let me ask you guys. The smartest people I know. If you were going to a support group and there was a presenter about the band who was 2.5 years out, what would you like to know? Is there something you would want to ask but not have the nerve?

Thursday, June 9, 2011

I shall concede that it is exciting when you get into a lower size. I will be giddy at my first size 8's...if and when that day ever comes. However, when you are shopping for clothes...you have to keep an open mind.

Let me give you the back story. My niece, a recent college graduate from Kansas University, and a future songwriter in Nashville (she is moving there at the end of this summer), it battling the weight loss monster. She is working out and eating right. And one of the many rewards of weight loss is new clothes. However, my sister said that she is stuck in not wanting to buy a "bigger size" even if it fits. We have all been there. It made me realize though, that somewhere along this journey I have stopped caring about the number when I am shopping. Here is a great example.

The slacks I am wearing today are from Kohls. They are a size 10 and fit fabulous. However, my other pair of black slacks are a size 12 and also fit smashingly. I ALSO have a Calvin Klein pair of jeans that Heather loves and are actually a smidge big but fit just out of the dryer...and they are a size 14. Sizing is crazy folks.

You have to dress for your body.

One of my biggest tips I can give when you are shopping is to give yourself time to try on all different cuts and sizes. JCPenney's for example has slacks that look the same on the hanger, but some are 'modern cut', 'curvy cut', 'straight cut'. Take them all in and see what works for your body.

Another thing I decided early on when shopping while losing weight was: I only bought it if it fit THEN. I didnt buy something that was too tight and then have it set in my closet for months. Mainly that is because I don't have money to spend on clothes and then not wear the clothes.

But buy for the size you are now.

Try on clothes. Lot's of them.

Don't be afraid of showing off your curves.

Try something different. Maybe just one piece that is out of your comfort zone (um...this doesn't mean wear hot shorts and a tube top to church).

If you go to some stores where the sales peeps are on top of it, make them work for you. Like the first time I went for jeans at the Buckle. I told the precious little girl that I wanted jeans that "were midrise, dark wash, smaller in the waist, bigger in the thighs." She brought me all different kinds.

OOH, and find yourself a tailor if needed. Sometimes I wonder about just how tall the "average" model is. She must be 5'10" and thus most average pants only work on my 5'4" frame if I am wearing really high heels. So sometimes I take my slacks to a tailor. They only charge $7 to hem the pants. Totally worth it.

And really...here is the clincher. We all know that once you fit into a size....like if you have one pair of size 8's that fit, but all your other clothes are still size tens...

well that size 8 totally trumps the size 10's and you can officially claim to be the smaller size.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I was thinking that we should come up with a term for when bloggers go A-WOL. You know, like the Amber Alert but with a different color of course. Fushia? Magenta? Puce?

A Puce Alert?

Think on it and let me know.

Anyways, I haven't been absent for any particular reason, other than I have nothing creative or core shaking to share...and I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS. So rather than bore you, I just blog stalk. So carry on.

Let us see. Anything to share?

I pooped in the Gulf of Mexico once.

I will save that story for one day when we meet in person and you want me to regail you with such tales.

My favorite new magazine is Oxygen. It is a women's fitness magazine for women who really work out. Like, the girls in it all have muscles (not scary man muscles), and the there are tons of articles on different workouts, foods, etc. I get so tired of Shape and Self, that are more like a "athletic light" version of Cosmo. So if you see Oxygen on the newsstands, pic it up.

I have been doing pretty good on watching my food intake and upping my cardio during circuit. I have added squat jumps (hateful things), jumping lunges (hateful things part duex), plie jumps, bouncing with a twist, etc. I do cardio at every other station. I am also trying to focus on building my back and chest a little more. If I am going to have sad little low hanger boobies, they might as well be hanging off a solid pec muscle.

And I am obsessed with my back muscles. Sometimes...just sometimes...I catch a glimpse of them in a mirror and I am sad that I cannot lick them.

All this increased cardio has me sweating like a BEAST during circuit. It's awesome.

Hey, I mowed the grass this weekend. (claps)

And I did it in just shorts and a sports bra. GASP! Now I don't have a stomach like Catherines...and I try not to inflict the general public with my midsection...but it was hot and I said WHAT THE HELL! Also occuring whilst mowing...I was yanking the push mower in a momentary lapse of adulthood (aka pouting) and rammed it into my port. I thought "would that be awesome if I injured my port MOWING GRASS".

I am entirely jealous of Gilly and LapbandGal because they are celebrities. Also, Lapband Gal went to a pole dancing class, and we don't have those here in Pensacola...but sweet mother of titty tassles...if we did...I would SO be on it. And by it...I mean the pole.

So, I am not going to Chicago BUT...the other day as I was blow drying my hair I thought of something. If I WAS going to Chicago, I think all of us should pose in our underwear and bra and have someone take a picture. You know, like the Dove commercials where they have women of all shapes and sizes pose? It would be awesome. All of us loving our bodies no matter what the size. So, if you still want to do it SANS me...go for it. I will just be jealous.

One last thing. Do you know when you are referring to someone in your blog, like another blogger, that linking their name with a hyperlink to their blog is superbeneficial for that blog? It increases your chances of coming up in a google search, etc. So if you have the chance...try to link. It takes a little time, but it's kinda blog karma.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Greetings BOOBs, blogger, stalkers, and peeps. Today is Wednesday in America. How about where you live?

I am just pluggin along this week. Doing the damn thing. Living the good life. Working. Working out. Eating split pea soup for lunch (which was kinda tasty).

I had a good weekend. Spent it up in Defuniak Springs...water skiing and playing around. Man. I don't think I love my body more than when I am skiing. It is the perfect example of how the band can give your more than jeans that fit. It has given me a body that works for me.

Sadly, upon consumption of a little substance called beer, skiing becomes a bit more challenging. Oh, I still get up...but it turns out I fall down and go boom boom sometimes. And the worst, or possibly the best part, is that it doesn't hurt when you do three somersaults over the wake...until the next day. Sweet mother of BenGay...I am still sore.

I have no pictures of myself to share from the weekend because NO ONE TAKES PICTURES OF ME! (bitter much).

So I will share a few I stumbled upon whilst facebooking.

This was taken last week. Juuuust kidding. But I was down about 20 pounds I think in this picture. It was post surgery for sure.

And this one is from early this spring. Who dat standing up? ME! I actually don't mind my legs in this picture.

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Welcome To Amyville

I am a chronic make-believer. I amuse myself. I break out in random song at least 6 times an hour. I am me. I was banded on 1/27/2009. I look better tan. I am a mermaid. I believe you should give more than you take, laugh more than you cry, and eat cheetos when the urge arises. I have always been a dreamer. Life is unpredictable and I realize everyday how lucky I am. I think you should walk with your head up, shoulders back, look people in the eye, smile, have a good handshake, and be honest. I love cold sheets, colder air conditioning, swimming, my family, my animals, and my friends.