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Monday, January 18, 2010

A few truths about me ...

I've thought much about the concept of 'authentic self' over the past year or two. Who are we really? How much are we willing to share? When I read that other people are thinking about this too, I felt challenged to respond to the topic, as raised on two blogs I regularly read and thoroughly enjoy:

When it comes to what we share on our blogs, I guess we reveal different aspects of ourselves within different groups ... both essentially true, but with a different emphasis. Like various coloured lights will reveal different features of an artwork. I don't have many readers, but I appreciate the ones I do have, and am glad to be getting to know you too. Some are homeschoolers, some teachers, family and friends, visitors, of many lifestyles and personalities. As many writers probably do, I still deliberate each post, wondering what people will think.

In my blog I'm trying to let my true self come through louder than the part that could just write what people want to hear. Afterall, I started a blog as a way to make sense of MY thoughts and ideas, and to share MY world. Of course it's a work in progress, and I'm still figuring out what I think about many things and how they all fit together. Some of us are more self-critical and introspective than others. Some people don't 'get' that, but that's also partly to do with personality types, and it's ok. Whilst I hope to inspire others, I don't want to be a watered down version of myself ... so I guess I'll be writing what's on my heart, and you can do the deleting and diluting!

Here are a few things you might not know about me yet:

* Recently I've spent too much time reading blogs and 'how-to' homeschool/ unschool books and sites (too much in terms of what I'm conditioned to think is acceptable, not compared to my desire or interest : ) ). Whilst I know I need to have my own interests and do my own learning, perhaps I'll limit the online aspect of this ... anyway, I'm keen to reclaim some time for painting and writing. Kids are also a good way of keeping me 'in the real world'!!

* I've made a choice to not visit the library at all this month, and maybe next if necessary, and to toss junk mail in the recycling bin without reading it. Why? One reason is similar to Kez's ... being content with my life, self and home ... not being dictated to by society and the media about what I need or what I should be like. My other reason is something I don't talk about much, but as we're being honest ... I really want to be more influenced by the Lord than by anyone or anything in this world (including well-meaning, lovely books, which have their place, but for me can be more of a selfish overindulgence at times)!

* Speaking of faith ... it means MUCH more to me than I've really expressed on here. I want to share my testimony without forcing it on anyone. So if you want to read about my faith, miracles and healings, please read my next post!

* I love having a clean and tidy house. I get stressed out when surrounded by mess. BUT my home is lived in, some days our home gets more attention than others, and the job is never fully done in my eyes (that would mean repainting, having carpets cleaned, windows washed etc ...). I LOVE surprise visits from my Mum, but might be embarrassed by mess with other guests. I also like making a mess, and we have a ton of fun here. Luckily I like cleaning!! And I always have some kind of home improvement project on the go (at the moment it's hanging photos and prints on several bare walls ... something I've been too indecisive to do, but I'm just jumping in now!)

* I can't give a short answer to any question ... did you notice? Especially "what's your favourite colour, food, book, place etc.?" I CAN answer with lists or essays!

* I still care what other people think. Not obsessively, as I used to, but enough to make myself question most of my choices, in terms of caring about the opinions of people I respect. I know right now my dear husband will be thinking, "Uh oh, she's lost in cyberspace again!" or something like that. Mostly I stick to computer work when he's at work, which isn't now, so I'd better go. So I can't relax and write 10 more points. Lucky you!

* I always find time to read one more chapter, write one more thought or change my clothes once more before I head out the door.