Forget the 911 calls prompting a criminal investigation into Zdeno Chara’s hit on Max “Hall Pass” Pacioretty. Forget the fact that the Quebec government came down on the organization for naming Randy Cunneyworth as an interim head coach in 2011 only because the man happened to not speak French. Never mind the applause and excuse-making for their favorite players, who these days are more in line with Greg Louganis than Rocket Richard. Forget the fact that they’ll probably boo the National Anthem when it’s played at Centre Bell next week. Just take it from former Montreal general manager Bob Gainey, who had this to say about his team’s fans: "I think they're a bunch of gutless bastards, to be honest." Olé.
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Globe File Photo

2. Tim Horton's coffee

Look, we understand that Dunkin’ Donuts coffee isn’t exactly gourmet, coffee-house type material. But what the hell are you guys brewing up there? Do you actually mix the contents of the spittoon in with the grinds? One reviewer wrote that it has “all the character of a mannequin.” Unfortunately, it also has the flavor of that “free” coffee nobody bothered to even touch at our Building 19 shops of yore. This is prison coffee, except it’ll run you $2 more than you should be paying for it. As the slogan goes, “Every Cup Tells a Story.” Yeah, and the stories suck.
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File Photo

3. The Canadian Loonie

Do you know how many dollars I’ve inevitably lost over the years misplacing this little golden nugget? You evil currency geniuses, you.
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Bloomberg

4. Ice beer

Oh, to be a college student 20 years ago, burgeoning into a U.S. citizen of legal drinking age, who could just so happen to partake in Canadian adult beverages across the border. Back in my day, we were on the cusp of the ice beer craze, which got its start with Molson and Labbatt, the latter of which was served generously at Expos games, where we would frequent the best team history would forget in 1994. As 20-year-olds, we were attracted to its reduced Canadian rate, not to mention the 7.1 percent alcohol percentage. Who cares that it tasted like crap? Ice beers exploded all the way until we got something called “Natural Light Ice” which might as well have been marketed as sewage for how it tasted. Thanks, Canada.
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This German Bavarian Club, which often resembled Oktoberfest in Munich, lasted until 1994, and was hands-down one of the most enjoyable evenings one could have in Montreal. It’s now a bunch of condos. You monsters. Then again, if you’re a Montrealer who hasn’t been in Boston lately and you’re looking for the Rathskeller, well…
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John Tlumacki/Globe Staff

10. P.K. Subban

That sniveling, diving, fake artist.

Whenever he wants to join his brother to play in Boston though is fine with us.
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AP Photo

11. Celebratory riots

I dunno. After what happened in Vancouver three years ago, Montreal has kind of come out on the short end of this lately. I mean, not even one overturned car after sweeping the Lightning? Terrible.
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