But I do have enough energy to say that this news made me so happy. I don't know if it's my exhaustion, or what, but I read this post 2 hours ago, and I'm STILL getting teared up thinking about it, I am so happy for my fellow blogger.

my ipod is playing a favorite song of mine from the year that i left my ex. it's alanis morissette's "That Particular Time" - it never got radio time, that I know of, but it was so perfect for the end of that marriage. For the most part. Mostly the refrain (I think that's what it's called ... the part that starts with "I always wanted for you what you wanted for yourself" ..)

the point of this post? Solstice is kicking me in the ass. It's my own damned fault, and I feel like e., b/c I keep telling myself, "oh well, that's me. That's Zuska. There's nothing I can do about it in order to make it better next year. I am just not CAPABLE of starting projects early - of getting done without cramming at the end." But you know what? This should be a FUN time of year!

Instead, I'm so exhausted I could PUKE. I went to bed after 1, I couldn't get up to go running and that really upsets me, and I'm only done with ONE scrapbook. I haven't even started e.'s.

j.'s, however, ROCKS. Sorry if that's obnoxious, but if someone made that for me, I swear, I would just hug and hug and hug them.

I have to be more careful when I make e.'s:

the books are reminiscent of our time in Berkeley, at the LAST house we lived in. Not their whole lives in Berkeley.

j. only had kindergarten there. We were here for 1st grade. She was pretty young when we left, and didn't have a very difficult transition. While making her scrapbook, I felt like I was building memories for her, and that I could do what I wanted with it. I also could trust that for her, it's a pretty distant memory, and she has built so much more here than she had there.

e. however, is trickier. She was there through 2nd grade, and she had a really hard time leaving. So first of all, her pictures and such tell their own story (where j.'s had more commentary than I think e.'s will need). Second of all, I don't want her to cry when she looks at it. I need to find a way to make it a happy thing, and not a sad, "I miss my old friends" thing. I *think* she has enough distance between now and then at this point, and it will be okay. I do feel that it's a more delicate undertaking.

J.'s, however, ROCKS.

Every year, when I make them things, I love doing it. I love pulling things together, and it looks so good when I'm done. (I thought I posted photos of last year's project, which also came out really well, but now I remember I didn't, b/c they had the girls' names on it -- they were storage boxes. They each got 2 - one for journals and writing, and one for art. I decoupaged some fancy papers and old drawings and such of theirs onto them, and e.'s were very "e," and j.'s were very "j" and I had fun, and loved the final product.)

This year, my favorite thing is stamps. Beloved has 3 alphabets of stamps, and he and the girls have a lot of others. I was a little leery about doing a "scrapbook," b/c no offense to those other moms who love "scrapbooking" - but it ain't my thing. I am a shunner of "cutesy" for the most part. I knew that I could make my kids a scrapbook without making them a "Scrapbook." But I wasn't sure how I was goign to pull it off.

The answer? Cool stamps. I'll post some photos tonight, if I have a moment to breathe.

The worst part about my exhaustion and my cramming and my last-minute procrastination mess?

There's no way in HELL that I'm gonna have time to make something for Beloved. No way in HELL.

I have wanted to make him something (a certain something) for 3 years now. Every year, I run otu of time donig the girls' stuff, and don't get to his. This sucks!

But, in some ways, I'm sort of glad ... I wish I could share my idea, but I can't. In the past few days, however, I've thought of a SUPER KICK-ASS refinement of my idea, and when I thought I still had time to make him "something" - I was bummed b/c I didn't have time to collect materials for the SUPER KICK-ASS version. Putting it off means that I can make that other version work.

And I'll just buy him stuff. The girls will yell at me, but you know what? I'm the mother, so be quiet.

I also did laundry last night. 4 loads. And guess what? I did nothing but my own clothes. I was selfish, putting myself first (it was either that, or pull a Britney today .... well, 1/2 a Britney, in that I wouldn't be wearing underwear, but not a Britney, in that I would never be caught dead in a skirt as short as hers, and my private bits would still be covered up - either by tights, or by pants. But still. All my undies were dirty.)