Friday, August 29, 2008

This is going to be the quickest blog ever today. I have approximately 47 million things to do today before I go home for Labor Day weekend. But I thought I would share a few things.

Apparently my car needs every single part replaced. I took it to a shop today to get the basic oil, lube, and filter change and they called me back and informed me that I also probably need to get a new horn, different radio buttons, a shorter antenna, and faster power windows. They were more than happy to give me prices for all of the above. I straight up went crazy on the guy. I did. I was one of those crazy guys that you read about in books. I told him that I just want my oil changed and that would be all, thank you. He congratulated me on not being the company's one millionth sucker and hung up the phone. After saying this, you would be unwise to take the over on my car completely blowing up within a month.

Ha! Spell check does not recognize Bethalto as a proper word. Apparently blogspot has never been to the beer tent and been hit on by high school health teachers. The Bethalto Homecoming is right up there with the running of the bulls, Super Bowl, being a contestant on a game show, and punching William Shatner in the face that everyone should experience in their lifetime before they die.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Mitch Hedberg really makes me laugh. I love his comedy. It's really a shame his life was ended too soon. Here is a short video for your pleasure:

Here are other things that make me laugh...

- The Jerk- Paternity shows on Maury- Daxflame- Know-it-alls- Receiving drunk dials- Listening to people say that they get along with everyone, but knowing full well this is not true- Dan McLaughlin and Al Hrabosky's tension-filled broadcasts- When mascots fight- Old man jokes/Little kids' jokes- When you meet someone new and they try so hard to figure out someone you both know so they can talk about them instead of having a normal conversation

So I was on my way to work yesterday morning with the windows down, music up, and enjoying the day. I was on a four lane road right before the lanes were about to merge. All of a sudden this woman drives right up to my car on my right and starts frantically waving her arms and waving for me to pull over. She looked like she was having an epileptic seizure. I immediately got frustrated because I thought for sure a tire was blown and I was going to have to spend money on another bogus maintenance issue. So I pull over and she immediately got out of her car pointing at the top of my car. She yelled, "Is that your cell phone on the top of your car?" I looked up and noticed that she was pointing at my satellite radio antenna which by the way looks absolutely nothing like a cell phone. And, on top of that, how did she even see it since the device is on the driver's side and she was driving on the opposite side? So I told the panting lady what it was after I let out a sigh of relief and she said, "Oh. That's weird!" Then she drove off. Small town living...

Thursday, August 21, 2008

I think I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. Some might call it a funk, in the not so Wild Cherry sense. I'd like to just not call it anything. I don't want to read a book to help me sort things out or even get away for a while and take a trip. I just want to figure things out quickly. I realize that I over-complicate a lot of things in life. But I don't have a dog (sadly), no mortgage, no covert ops missions, so I need something to worry about. Bobby McFerrin would just tell me to be happy, but I'm pretty sure this philosophy only works if you live at a tropical location where there are a crazy amount of tourists and you pretend that you immensely enjoy strawberry daiquiris and smiling all the time. So this is what I'm going to do... listen to a ton of ridiculously good music, take a lot of showers (my best thinking happens in the shower), exercise to the point of exhaustion (this will probably be before the showers but sometimes I like to change it up), and then I may not come up with anything but I guarantee that I will feel better.

So I don't think I told you yet. I decided what I'm doing for my birthday weekend which is almost a month away. My college roommate Moonshine came to Paducah in December and we try to get together once a year. So I'm going to the University of Georgia for the weekend and going to catch the UGA vs. Alabama football game. I'm pretty pumped about it. There will be some people there that I haven't seen in a really long time that I'm excited to see. It's only going to be a Friday thru Sunday thing but I think it will still be worth going. So if you're going to be in the Athens area on September 27th give me a call and I will be more than happy to eat your grilled burgers during tailgating time.

Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh do a pretty good job of making me watch women's beach volleyball. I don't even really find them all that attractive, I just appreciate that they dominate everyone else. Last night, for instance, it was between watching Obama Revealed on CNN, 101 Most Memorable Moments of SNL, the local access channel with women talking about the benefits of yoga, or girls in bikinis rolling around in sand. I decided to celebrate America and watch the bump-set-spike tandem. My program director told me today that they thanked the President for their inspiration. Hmmm.... You know that's funny. Especially after the picture I posted a few weeks ago.

What's your go-to move when you walk by people? Do you smile, look down, make eye contact, no eye contact, pretend like you're looking at your watch or iPod, act like you're talking on the phone? Some people have this craft down to a science. It was especially weird in college because most people you recognize but you have no idea who they are. Just because you see them every day, do they then deserve at least eye contact? It's a very complicated thing. I'll tell you what I do. I like to look straight at them and play eye contact chicken. Usually I win. People HATE making eye contact with strangers. I blame this on our parents. We're all so scared of people we don't know because they're going to steal our candy or something like that. I would like to think I'm a fairly affable person with people I don't know. People I do know is a different story, but strangers have done nothing to me except for not introduce themselves so why not be friendly? I also honk and wave at people walking on the sidewalk when I drive but for some reason not everyone thinks this practice is all that friendly. They must have had a lot of candy stolen when they were a child.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Hi again. I saw my parents over the weekend. They're fine, thanks. I spent most of the weekend in Marion catching some baseball and participating in a family reunion. Although a lot of times family reunions are more like unions for me. There's a good bit more of unionizing than re-unionzing because I always end up meeting random family members. It's good to do this kind of thing though because then it won't be as awkward if any of them wins the lottery. I'd rather not come out of the woodwork as so many people say, but instead just walk out of the shed in their backyard and say "Remember me? We met briefly at a family reunion. Give me money now please. I have to go home and shower because I've been staying in this poorly ventilated shed for a really long time."

All I've been able to think about for the last few days is getting a dog. There are a few problems with this dream. a) I know absolutely nothing about dogs. b) I live in an apartment that doesn't allow dogs. c) I'm afraid that I'll buy a really cute puppy and he or she will turn on me and not even really like me all that much. I wish I was joking. I just want to rescue a cute dog and let it become my best friend and help me pick up women. I don't think that's too much to ask for. So, whenever I move out of my apartment (Paducah or non-Paducah) this will be a top priority. Wikipedia has taught me a lot about dogs so far but I still have a lot to learn. Maybe after all this research I'll just be dog tired of the whole thing and move on to my next Animotion's Obsession.

I had more to say today, but football talk took over this afternoon. Football is not my favorite sport to watch, but I'm ready for it to be back in my life. We don't talk much, football and I, but I feel like every time that we're together it's like we just pick right back up from where we left off and I think that's why I value our friendship so much.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

On my old MySpace blogs, I would give the playlist every day from the All Request Lost 80's Lunch when I was on 105.5 The Cat. I haven't been giving out the ZZL playlists from the All Request Lunch. I'm not really sure why. I think people who read my blog got more into the nostalgic excogitation of their youth than they would reading about bands they have no feelings either way about. Also, the playlist would be my attempt to have some feeling of a theme following all the rambling. I've noticed I have absolutely no direction whatsoever when I write. None. One might ask, then, what is my theme? Well I've covered this before but there is none. How clever is that? I also like to adopt this philosophy in my everyday life. Random is one of my favorite words. I don't like to say no to things. I see that Jim Carrey has stolen my next idea for a movie. Back to the drawing board! All this being said, I want to run down a list of ideas I've had for the next few months on Cale's Corner. See how I do that? Contradict myself? The easy joke would be "I should be a politician." But politicians are getting enough crap these days. How about college football coaches? They're pretty good flip-floppers as well. It should be the goal for everyone within the reach of my poorly colored blog to neither flip nor flop.

-Once the MLB playoffs start, I'll probably write a preview. No predictions will be made. I found out real quickly my prognosticating skills are not the greatest after my previews during spring training.

-I'm sure I'll want to discuss the upcoming election at some point, although this should probably be avoided like the plague. I realize there are all kinds of people that read my blog. I appreciate every single person that takes the time to check in. My point is to never make people angry with anything I say. Ehh...never mind. I just talked myself out of it. We could do a mock Survivor contest with past Presidents though. I'm thinking pre-1900. Don't act like you wouldn't be excited for a battle royale between Van Buren and John Tyler. Although Van Buren would totally dominate that match-up. He was the political Gary Cooper before Gary Cooper was Gary Cooper. You can't argue with that.

-I'll probably continue to talk about how awesome I am.

-Already excited for this year's Top 10 Albums blog. Who knows? Maybe only ten albums was SO last year. 25? 50? Now we're talking ambitious.

Friday, August 8, 2008

I started writing a new blog yesterday afternoon and then I realized that the Cards/Cubs game was a matinee. That obviously took precedence. Jim Edmonds is not one of my favorite persons in the world right now.

The Olympics' Opening Ceremonies were last night. Well, at least the spectacle was aired on NBC last night. Let's all agree as a nation that whenever NBC shows us Olympics coverage that it is being aired live. I would like to think that whenever I'm watching Chinese dancers draw calligraphy on a giant LCD screen I'm watching the performance at the same time as my friends in Shanghai. This has been said before by others, but the Olympics are interesting to me. For one, it's supposed to be about sports and competition but it turns into a political firestorm instead. And I'll say it. It's ridiculous that China was awarded the Olympics. It really is. You can talk about global harmony all you want, but the IOC has turned into... (turned into, or just remained?) an organization that turns a blind eye on human rights and other key issues and grabs top dollar. If I was Jacques Rogge, however, I would have probably done the same thing if I would have known that the stadium's ceiling was going to be a giant TV screen. The Chinese are so good at technology!! Sandra Oh fans now have a new spot they want to watch Grey's Anatomy. This just in. Sandra Oh is not Chinese, rather Korean-Canadian. Oh. Also, I find it curious that we root for Greco-Roman wrestlers, badminton players, and our archery team just because they're from America. Listen, I'm all about nationalism and patriotism and every other kind of pro-American 'isms out there. However, I don't subscribe to the theory that just because I was born in America every other country is the bad guy and we should dominate them to the point that Moroccans break down and cry due to our undying need for supposititious sports supremacy. Say that five times fast. The Olympics do give us fantastic photos like this however.

Kings of Leon has been one of my favorite bands for a few years now. They just released two new songs from their upcoming album on their MySpace page this week. Check them out if you have time. Their album comes out on September 23rd and anyone that knows me really well is already sick of me talking about it. My birthday is September 27th by the way. Consider this a formal gift suggestion.

I think it would be cool if parents named their baby girl Karma and she turned out to be a really sweet girl.

All I got for this Saturday. Enjoy the Olympics. Enjoy life. Be good to others. See ya next week!

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Everyone has an opinion about Brett Favre. SportsCenter has interviewed about everyone imaginable about their thoughts. I wrote that like SportsCenter has the ability to interview people. Correction: There have been several interviews profiled on SportsCenter where random athletes and talking heads have given us their opinion about Brett Favre's situation and his latest trade to the New York Jets. It does sound weird, I have to admit. Brett Favre as a New York Jet. When I was growing up, St. Louis didn't have a NFL franchise. So I grew up a Packers fan. Even after the Rams came to town, I still secretly rooted for the Packers if they weren't playing St. Louis. Although it was a bit painful to watch Brett's lousy performance in the 2002 playoff game. So now the question I have to answer for myself is have I rooted for the Green Bay Packers all these years or actually just Brett Favre? Yeah, you can call me John Madden and accuse me of having a man crush like so many other media types. Actually, do call me John Madden. I'm thinking less for the video game, sweet bus ride, the Super Bowl ring - I envy the turducken. No one ever cooks turducken for me. He mentions it one time during a Thanksgiving game and the man now has turducken at his beckoning call. One meats, two meats, three meats, sweet. Fuzzy Zoeller calls in and mentions he is less pleased to have a food mention tied to his name. Anyway, I wish Favre success. Hopefully this doesn't turn into a Joe Namath situation. Meaning his days with the L.A. Rams, not his Suzy Kolber debacle. Speaking of Suzy Kolber, do you think that she is upset that her YouTube clip is the defining moment of her career? Veronica Corningstone did so much for women broadcasters and poor Suzy was just trying to carry the torch. Now she has to live with this moniker for the rest of her life.

Well I had more planned for today, but we'll get to it tomorrow. Call it a Friday smorgasbord.

Monday, August 4, 2008

This weekend I worked at the Kentucky Lake Motor Speedway selling concessions. There were no races, rather monster trucks. Let me just tell you, Gravedigger is the man if trucks were men. Most people think automobiles are females, but trucks probably have a bit of an Alexis Arquette thing going on. They just want people to see them for who they are and I guess I can appreciate that. Anyway, this reminded me of the time that my dad took me to see monster trucks in St. Louis when I was in high school. As my sister described last week, my dad was great about taking his kids individually to different events or just for a cup of ice cream. (It's funny that we make such a big deal about him doing things with us separately. You would think we all hated each other and didn't want to hang out with siblings, which isn't the case at all.) So we go to the monster truck event at the dome in St. Louis. I'm pretty sure my dad knew at this point in my life that I wasn't really interested in cars/trucks/racing. I still have to call him to remind me how to put windshield wiper fluid in my car. But he probably wanted to go and thought it might look weird for him to go by himself. So I went. Because that's what good sons do. And we're talking the legitimate good sons, not the Macaulay Culkin types. I'm all watching with intent because I've never even see this kind of thing on TV. For one, we didn't have cable until I was 18 years old and I was too busy reading about J.D. Drew's latest injury on St. Louis sports message boards anyway. I remember actually enjoying the spectacle although I'm a bit ashamed now of rooting for Gravedigger. I mean, that's kind of like rooting for the Yankees or the Harlem Globetrotters. All the Washington Generals do is show up to play and they get hosed by the refs every time. Wait a minute... Have we found a job for Tim Donaghy after jail time? So basically the moral of the story is no matter how dumb you think something is, you should hang out with the people you love anyway. You might actually enjoy it or at the very least see some fantastic mullets. Ya know, if you're going to a monster truck event and all. You get what I'm saying.

I lost a bet over the weekend and now I have to find a Phillies shirt to wear. This does not excite me. All morning I've been looking for an older Scott Rolen or Pete Rose jersey and have had a heck of a time. I think I'm going to go with an old school 1980 World Series champion shirt. I was thinking Ryan Howard since he is from St. Louis, but even for a day I can't bring myself to wearing a jersey of a guy that beats the Cards so bad he could probably hit homers with his eyes closed at this point. Joe Carter calls in and says he would like to wear Mitch Williams' jersey.

Oh, and monopoly is my new board game craze. I just felt that you should know. Good day.