Saturday, 12 August 2017

this blog is about a girl named Sirena who is from Guam, who lives on Guam, and who is exhibiting her life on Guam.

That's not the case anymore.

I no longer live on Guam.

I have finally left that tiny little island.

I'm sorry to all my friends who I left, but I had to leave.

God was calling me here, I know.

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What I've learned about packing up and leaving.

I've been learning to let go.

It was hard. I cried on Guam when I was getting ready to leave and I'm still crying here in Kentucky.

There was so much I left on Guam. Friendships. Family. Baggage. Jobs. People I wish I could've cultivated more of a relationship with. Letting go of Infusion. Gosh. I spent a lot of money on that place.

My job at Tommy Hilfiger was good.
Everything was just good. It wasn't great. I wasn't the best version of myself.
And now, I truly feel that this is an opportunity for me to be the best version of myself.
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When I got here to Kentucky, one of the first things I did was go to a 10 AM Mass.
During the priest's sermon, he informed us that he would be leaving the next day to like Arkansas or something to go on a 40 Day Retreat.
I was sad he was going to go away for that long because he seemed like a pretty cool priest.
It wasn't until at the end of the day that I realized what this time in Kentucky would be for me.
A spiritual retreat. I realized that this time is not my own. It belongs entirely to God to change me for the better, and to change me for good if I'm willing.

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It's a struggle, as one would expect. I feel spiritually dirty most of the time. But I feel more grace now than when I was in Guam. There is definitely more clarity because I'm here.

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At the end of the day, I am grateful, so so grateful to God for bringing me. He pulled through, as He always does. I asked for a way out of my darkness. I was sinking in the raging waters, and I called out "Lord, save me." and He did.

My grandma's death anniversary is this week.I would like to thank everyone who reached out to me last year when she died,and everyone who prayed for her during her fight against leukemia.She struggled for a long time. She suffered for such a long time.And to be honest, I don't think I was the granddaughter I should have been.Although I contstantly reached out to you guys for prayers,i don't think I was truly aware of her pain and suffering.I wish I was, and I wish I was there for her the entire time.

-I would just like to share what was going through my heart and mind last year when she passed away that day.I was at the Naval Hospital with my family.Grandma Esther was in the hospital bed, twisting and turning.I ran outside to find any nurse or doctor who could help her.One of her tube thingies was disconnected or something.I could hardly make out the words to simply ask them to reconnect it to her.I was already beginning to cry.For some reason, I felt in my heart that these were her last hours on earth.When the nurse left, I began to speak to grandma, but she snapped back to me to be quiet because her head was hurting and she just wanted to sleep. I'm tearing and giggling thinking about this because she was always so blunt.I had to go to work at this time.So, as I was getting ready to leave I told her, "I'm going to work. I'll be right back, okay?? I LOVE YOU."I don't know why but I wanted to emphasize that I'll be back... as if I was telling her to not let go while I was gone.The moment I arrived to work my mom called and said, "You need to come back to the hospital."I shuddered and responded, "Why?""Grandma passed away."Everything around me disappeared. My coworker told me to go.I wanted to run but could hardly move.I was sobbing in the hallway of my work.People were freaking out.The drive to the hospital was a complete blurr.When I arrived to the hospital, I walked into the unit she was in, went to her room, and as I opened the door, I couldn't believe what I was seeing.I've never experienced death in that way.To have been talking to the person you love so dearly one minute, and the next they're gone. I still remember that moment of complete disbelief, as I stared at her...I don't mean to make anyone feel sad or bad about this whole situation as you're scrolling through facebook trying to find a funny meme to brighten up your day.I'm sharing this because I honestly need release.I don't think I'm fully healed from this, and I don't think I'll ever be.I honestly wish I could go back and be with her and hug her. Do all the things for her. Spend the time with her that I should have spent. I wish I could have told her I loved her more often. I wish I could have taken more time to talk to her. These are the things that her death has taught me.Life is so short, and you shouldn't be afraid to love and to love in the best way you can, even if that love isn't returned.Put away your selfish desires.Put away your ego.Put away your pride.Put away your fear.

Wednesday, 8 March 2017

I literally had to hire a personal trainer to put together a vegan macro diet for me to get my butt moving with dialing in my plant-based nutrition. He gave me ingredients for my meals, and from that I made a grocery list.

I remember the Chad Connelly talk. Chad Connelly is the SCGOP chairman.

He gave such an impactful presentation on the history of America and why we are free today.

I wish more people heard that talk. Everything he said was everything Americans today need to hear.

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A couple also gave a talk about how they built their Amway business (network marketing business). It was great to hear how they did it and how they're still growing as well. They had great energy, and set an example for us young single people building the business.

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The fact that the Yager family was around was amazing to think about. I didn't realise how accessible they would be. I am so thankful for that.

He is a motivational speaker who I immediately connected with when I first heard him speak.

I really look up to him as a motivational speaker.
-Giving a Speech
One of the privileges I had at YYLC was being able to give a speech in front of everyone there.
I was elected as president of Council D. To be honest, I don't think I did very much as far as being a leader. I'm not really sure if I fulfilled that role. But one thing I did want to make sure I was able to give to everyone was inspiration and hope for the future that appears so dim in headlines and around social media.
I can't really remember what I said in my speech, but I made a Facebook post on my page recalling most of what I tried to remember. It's pretty much along the lines of what I had originally said at YYLC. Here it is:

This year had a big down- my grandmother passed away after a year long battle with cancer. And some may overlook that as something of little significance thinking she was old and it was her time. But just because it may have been her time doesn't mean her passing should be easily forgotten, that grieving would be easy because "it was her time". I didn't understand how much it'd hurt when I would go to funerals and look at at photos of the deceased. Until I saw the funeral book of grandma. And I thought, "I can't believe we are at this point. All I have is this book with your photo on it, and a collage of all the photos we managed to take of you." I felt like I failed her in not fulfilling my life's mission and by not being financially independent and thriving to help her and have the time to be with her.

Shortly after, I decided to attend the Yager Youth Leadership Conference, a conference I knew I was called to attend since 2014, when I met @smith_anca13 @dexter_stp @rosendostp and a few other young people at the Yager FEC. They told me about YYLC, and our team here on Guam knew we'd go at one point. It materialized this year. I didn't know what to expect, frankly. I had no expectations for some reason. I had been so numb for a while, and was mostly filled with guilt that I wasn't the granddaughter I should have been, guilt of not being the best version of myself, etc. but as soon as I arrived to the conference, I realized that no matter the faults I had carried with me there, my purpose was bigger than that, and that the people I'd meet would believe in me and love me.

I was in Council D. And we had to give our speech with words that started with "D". I gave my council president's speech in memorial of my grandma to let each and every camper at YYLC know that life is so short, and that you must make DECISIONS now and make your DREAMS a reality. You can't waste time and get DISTRACTED. I ended my speech with a quote from Dexter Yager speech called "Why Not Diamond?" "Don't tell me how bad you got it! Tell me how good you're gonna get it! Don't tell me about your problems! Tell me about your dreams! Dreams are the solutions to your problems! HOW BIG IS YOUR DREAM TONIGHT?"

Wednesday, 3 August 2016

Each and every person who is a member of the YYLC staff puts in all their time and energy to ensure we get as much value as possible from the camp.

The director of the Yager Youth Leadership Conference is indescribably one of the most loving and caring and probably most energetic person at the camp.

His name is Diamond Dave or as he prefers to be called, "STUD DOG DADDY".

I am so grateful for Diamond Dave, his heart and soul, and his drive to work with the youth to make sure that we have the brightest future possible.

DIAMOND DAVE on stage

Council D "Dynamite Dragons / Doritos"

All the campers were split into councils. I was put into Council D!

I've posted all over my Facebook my undying love for these people.

It sounds weird and touchy feely, but I honestly feel that these people have truly impacted me in a lot of ways. We grew closer to each other, and on our night, we gathered as a group and had one of the most life changing conversations i've ever had with a group of people.

We opened up to each other and were sincere and truthful. We felt that we could trust one another. It was a beautiful beautiful experience that writing into words could never fully express.

we consisted of:

1. Marek

2. Marcin

3. Sara

4. Gabriele

5. Justas (JC)

6. Justas (not JC lol)

7.Kasia

8. Majka

9. Irmantas

10. Haralds

11. D.J.

12. Me

Council D representing XS! #XSNATION

We also had a wonderful wonderful facilitator who we all called, "Coach"- Jack "Juice" Brinkley (Last one on the right)!

The reason we call him "Coach" is because he does ministry to athletes,

which is a result of having been a coach to many teams in many sports.

I admired that he turned his profession into a ministry for God, and that is one of my missions in my life as well with crossfit and olympic lifting!

Thank you Coach for your time and energy into helping us become leaders for the future! We love and miss you!

Council D outfits on point!

TO BE CONTINUED :D_____________________________________________Like my page for daily inspiration, fitness, music and more 🌸 from all the way here in Guam 🌴! Snappy Chatty 👻 crownsirena | IG @sirenaofguam With Love, Sirena Elizabeth