While doing God’s work, which was, making old beer cans into new beer cans, I was helping a co-worker, Rick operate a tension-leveler. He was shaking his head, totally pissed off, and very animated when he said the following: Rick) Can you believe this? I was just talking to X (I don’t remember who X was after […]

Archive for April, 2013

While doing God’s work, which was, making old beer cans into new beer cans, I was helping a co-worker, Rick operate a tension-leveler. He was shaking his head, totally pissed off, and very animated when he said the following:

Rick) Can you believe this? I was just talking to X (I don’t remember who X was after all these years), and he didn’t know the difference between a bull and a steer!!! I can’t believe it!!! How stupid is that!!!

Me) I don’t know.

Rick) How could somebody NOT know that!!!

Me) I don’t know.

Rick) Well, you know, don’t you???

Me) I’m not sure, isn’t a steer a bull with the balls removed? (Honestly, it was only my best guess)

Rick) Yeah!!! Yeah!!! See you know!!! I can’t believe it! How could someone not know that!!! What are people going to do, if something happens??? How are they going eat???

Me) Yeah, I don’t know.

Rick) When you live in the city, you never learn this stuff!!! How can anybody survive??? I bet he doesn’t even know what the difference between a heifer and a cow!!!

Me) Well, I’m not sure that I even know that one (I didn’t even have a guess of any kind for that one)

Rick) Are you serious??? You really don’t know!!!

Me) Yeah, I really don’t know.

Rick) Serious???

Me) Yeah.

Rick) Well, all female cows are heifers until they get pregnant!!! Then they start making milk and then they are cows!!! If they stop making milk, you have to get them pregnant again!!!

Me) Oh, yeah I didn’t know that.

Rick) You really didn’t know that???

Me) No, I’m serious, no I didn’t know that.

Rick) Your kidding!!!

Me) No……No, the only thing they ever told us like that was, that there is a statistic out there that claimed that “20% of all kids have had sex with an animal in their lives. Most of the time it is farm kids!” In fact, anytime I see five of you guys standing around together, I’m pretty sure one of you has fucked an animal-that’s just the math! You are what we call a statistic.”

I was laughing my ass off and Rick was furious.

Pissed!!!

This is the history of that comment:

When we were seniors at Arvada, Chris announced to the group of us, that he had read somewhere that “20% of kids have had sex with an animal and claimed that it occurred more often with farm kids as part of their curiosity and development.” When we asked him where he was reading this, he said he read it in a magazine, he thought it was possibly in “People” or “US.” We told him, that can’t be the right number, but he was dead serious that he had read it. There’s no way either magazine is going to say that. Up until that moment, I had never given inter-species erotica much thought. I knew that this number was way too high, but it was interesting that somebody 1.) would even have sex with an animal 2.) admit to it 3.) study it 4.) publish it as a fact. Up until that time, I had never considered that anyone would have sex with an animal. From that point on, our group was calling everyone a “Statistic.” It would be like, “See that guy over there? I bet he is a statistic!”

At this point, I thought Rick was going to hemorrhage, he was so pissed! Me, very proud of my self. It was at this point when Tynr walked by and asked what was wrong with Rick. I told him and now Tyrn was laughing his ass off. Tyrn was still laughing when he entered the Electricians department. He said, “You should have heard what so an so told Rick……At that point, everybody was pissed at me because most of these electricians had come from farms as well. Tyrn came back and told me what happened. Boy was I pleased!!!!

As near as I can tell, this happened in the first few weeks of September, 1983. I remember it being just past my birthday. Lakewood has the same Carnival that other towns put on, but they call it “Lakewood On Parade.” We were calling it “Liquid on Parade.” It occurs at this time of year and probably to the day. At 21, I had just reached Adulthood.

I was working at the Lakeside Wards, when my friend Karl asked if I wanted to go camping with a couple of his friends in Avon Colorado that weekend. This was on a Friday. I told him I would think about it, and ask my friends. He gave me a map. That night, a Friday, many of us went to 6th and Kipling for “Liquid on Parade.” We all got polluted. Rob was even so drunk he thought he was going to puke. Rob told us he was going to wait for us by the car. I don’t remember who’s car that was or why he wasn’t given the keys. Much later, when the rest of us decided to leave, we approached the car, and Rob slid out from under it. He told us, “He was hiding under the car because, he being from Arvada, he didn’t know if they “rolled drunks” in Lakewood.” I think he thought he was in the Bowery or something, What logic, and what a classic answer. He’s lucky we didn’t drive over him.

I had pretty much talked myself out of going on the camping trip at this point. When we were talking about what we thought we might do tomorrow, I told everyone that Karl was going camping but I didn’t think I would go. To my surprise, Rob said he wanted to go, and Dan said he would go, except he didnt have any money. Rob said he would pay for Dan to go. It was decided that I would meet with Rob at noon, we would get some groceries, and then pick up Dan and head to the mountains in Rob’s Scout.

Grocery Shopping with Rob turned out to be a funny event. Rob likes all the same food that I like. Because his family was inclined to eat a lot of fast food, he didn’t eat the other things he liked as often. He kept throwing things into the cart and saying, “we should have this for breakfast, or, this will be lunch. This was only a two day trip and Rob had 15 meals plan. I remember the bill came to $110. This was for three guys, at 1983 prices. The other thing that was funny was Dan’s food was to be different than our food. While we were eating these huge steaks, we bought liver for Dan. We each got ourselves a large can of cream corn and for Dan, the smallest can of regular corn. It was always, “yeah I like that, but what is Dan going to eat.”

We went and picked up Dan. Dan wanted to stop by Griffs to get their “giant meal deal,” because he had a coupon. In Dan’s world, that meant he wanted someone to buy the first meal, so he could have the free meal. Rob refused to eat Griff’s so he went across the street to the Taco Bell (the one on 58th and Upham). So I ended up paying for the Griff’s.

While we were waiting for the food, there were two video games in their lobby. Two kids, about the age of 6 or 7 were playing a game of Defenders on the left. This kid was so good, he had about a dozen extra ships accumulated. The “Osteroids” game on the right was not being played. I put some quarters in and we started to play. It was Dan’s turn, when I felt this fart coming on. I turned my back to the kid and butted up to the side of his head. It was semi intrusive and semi obvious. I let off out this medium sized, quiet fart, and waited, while disparately trying to keep from laughing. Right on the side of his head. THIS FART WAS SO HIDEOUS!!! It smelt like raw sewage and hot rotting trash combined. It was REALLY bad and really was dense, probably lingering in the air, for at least 5-10 minutes. Instantly, the kid knew what had happened, and HE JUST EXPLODED INTO CUSS WORDS!!! He was half my size and just SCREAMING at me. I can still see the look of discuss on his face. As near as I can gather, he was mostly mad at me and not at Dan. He had to look up to yell at me and I had to look down at him. Angry foul mouth kids are the best! There were other customers in this restaurant while this was going on. YOU FUCKER!!! ASSHOLE!!! GOD DAMMIT!!! YOU FUCKIN’ ASSHOLE!! YOU FUCKHEAD ect…. This boy went on and on for about 45 seconds while Dan and I just laughed (almost crying actually). He lost about half of the accumulated ships during this ti-raid. He eventually tried to continue to play the game while holding his nose or breathing through his shirt. He wasn’t worth a fuck after that. He couldn’t concentrate. As good as he was, his dreams of being a fighter pilot or bomber pilot, probably should have ended that day. One little fart in the cockpit and he buckles under pressure. He’s not the right stuff as they say. Who’s the adult-him or me?

The Camping trip was equally eventful but I’ll save that for another time.

This is about Oliver, but it is not the documentary from the discovery channel that I saw when I learned of Oliver. The discovery channel documentary dragged out the important details until the summary at the end of the hour long show. Within a few minutes of watching the documentary, I knew for certain that Oliver had become a problem, and it was more than likely that Janet had become a statistic. Chimp owners always have the same problem, the chimpanzee becomes sexual. Elvis Presley and Micheal Jackson had both gotten rid of their chimpanzees for the same reason. Elvis could not be around women with the chimp. The chimp couldn’t fuck something so hideous as Jackson, once Jackson’s nose fell off his face,and Micheal turned to young boys. I’m surprised that they disclosed the sexual encounter, but as I prove, they minimized it as well. I was elated when I guessed righted. Probably, the most important hour of television I ever watched. As any expert will tell you, myself included, the only things that matters are the following:

Were Oliver’s parents statistics?

What does the DNA tell us?

When did Janet first become a statistic?

According to both videos, there was an incident, where Janet was bent over an fucked by Oliver ~ year sixteen. I usually talk like a doctor, but since you are not a doctor, I’ll put it in layman’s terms, she had been properly violated. As if there was only incident. Yeah, right, sell that shit to someone else. Common sense tell’s me that year 16 was when all the sexual activity between Janet and Oliver could NO longer be hidden or explained away. By then, Janet would just point to her vagina, a say, “It happened.”

Janet and her husband first acquired Oliver as they had acquired others. Oliver was always different and needed special attention, which he always got from Janet. She would mother him. Somewhere along the line, all things went badly. Maybe not covering up his genital’s caused her to be always be thinking and dream about it. Just simmering. Maybe the bubble baths they shared following a soccer game were inappropriate, especially if they lost. Looking back, maybe Janet should not have worn lip stick and no clothes during bath time as it sent the wrong message. I’m sure the clothes came off only so the clothes would stay dry or so she thought.

From the pictures/video I’ve seen Oliver matured quickly. Instead of using a leash she might have been leading him around by his penis. Also flourishing, at this time, is Janet’s notoriety, within the public and science community, for even possessing such unique specimen. At this point in time, their lives are forever intertwined. Like Lennon and McCartney or Jagger and Richards. It’s hard to say whether the sex was consensual at first, after all, those monkey’s have retard strength. I speculated this Ape Rape of Janet lasted for about 10 years. An interesting footnote is that these acts are not considered dating. I don’t think you can “date” an animal. I’ve dated, no, dating is different.

I’m certain that when somebody walked in on the sexual activity of these two, it was said to be “an isolated incident.” The next time, just a “phase Oliver is going through,” and so it continued. It is only when Janet and her husband can’t even have guests over to the house, without Oliver penetrating Janet in the guests presence do they finally confront reality. I like how in this new video I have linked for you, A doctor contemplating taking the humanzee off Janet’s hands decides to show it to his mother. This thing FUCKS WOMAN AT WILL, WITH RETARD STRENGTH, and he sends it his mother’s way. Classic. What is he thinking? This is so rich. Everybody knows I can talk about this endlessly but this was a good start. You can either study this subject, or study me while I study this subject.