Monday, July 14, 2008

Catherine over at Her Bad Mother had this little epiphany for pre-BlogHer introductions (and also a good meme idea for those who aren't terribly self-conscious about their Internet footprint): Google yourself and list 5 things about yourself that are floating around out there, known only to Google. Most of my Internet (did you know that's a capitalized word?) footprint is academic, except for the blog stuff.

So, for the stalkers:

1. I am a grad student in philosophy at Stanford. I'm an old grad student. That's an old picture. And it was taken in Hakone. That egg was steamed over the sulfur pits there.

2. The UCSD Alumni Association loves me. Emily says I have a leadership addiction. Whatever. They gave me a check and nice paper weight.

26 comments:

I tried to do this, and it actually caused a mini-existential crisis. There were too many "Emily Burns" hits, so the first thing I thought of doing was to add "cooley" to the search terms to find hits related to me. This, of course, severely limited my hits to only those that are law related. Then I thought - what ELSE would I put as a search term? What ELSE do I do besides the law? AAAAAAAAH...I need a hobby. We are so totally becoming Certified BBQ Contest Judges before the year is out.

Apparently I am a noted professor of Infectious Diseases, most notably the monkeypox virus; an associate professor at Carroll Community College; have died and been buried my actual resting place remains a secret; and I have a shelf on Good Reads. Only one of those is actually me - can you guess which one?

I Google myself from time to time just to find out who I get to harrass to remove my name from their pages. No pictures of me exist outside of the Dark Web. My entire real name, while unusual, is shared by people in Australia and England. Which means that there are lots of virtual people to hide behind.

The few pages that actually do refer to me tend to reflect my former life.

With this in mind, you may wonder why I hunt people down when they mention me and they shouldn't. There is no such thing as reinvention in the 21st century. Traces of your past will always remain. Ghostly simulacra of our behaviors remain long after we wish they could be forgotten. It fucking sucks.

trademarkmama: We totally are. We're going to have to take a trip to Colorado or something to do it, though.

mary beth: I'm going with "shelf on Good Reads". Although I was tempted by "buried in a secret reseting place".

carolyn online: that's awesome. I want a destructo-asteroid named after me

aunt becky: We'll meet somewhere else then. I'll babysit for you.

loralee: So that's where I've seen "Loralee" before. All of those satanic romance novels I've been reading.

"And then Satan, chest heaving, swept Loralee up in his massive, red, arms. He drew her in, close enough for her to feel his throbbing member through his chinos. And he whispered 'Worship me, as I will worship you.' She couldn't fight it any longer. She gave in, and they fell together in among the heather and clover."

Hehehe, I used to hang out with Steven Brust's son when I was in high school. I find it slightly surprising that you're a fencer. Though not so much after the Brust thing. *sniff* I wanna go to BlogHer...

This was actually funny, because the real me used to be listed fairly close to the top because of my job, but now I "apparently":1. Live in Acron Ohio and am on LinkedIn2. Live in Toronto and am on Facebook3. Gave $2,100 in political contributions (and then another $1,000)4. Am now a member of the Jewish Love Network for Jewish Singles(something else interesting is that while I have a German last name, most of the women with my name on Google are of Jewish decent. I however an Catholic)5. My husband Robert and I are very prominent fundraisers. I need to get me some of that!

The real me was #7. Soon I will be on page 2! This was fun - I hope you dont mind if I re-steal it!

The alternate me is a teacher at Palms Middle School in Los Angeles. When I'm done grading papers and overseeing the cheerleaders, I sell real estate in North Orange County. My parents always said that Real Estate license would come in handy one day. Now, my husband Denny and I list several mult-million dollar properties. Clearly, I teach for the love of youth. Whitney was right. Children are our future. Future home buyers, that is!

During downtimes in the Real Estate market, I'm on staff at the National Institute of Health in Bethesda. Yeah for frequent flyer miles! It gives me time to maintain my Facebook page while at the various airports I hang out in.