Forget the Dislike button. Facebook needs a "Fifth Amendment" button. We always figured the compulsion of users to share every little detail of their lives could one day lead to a criminal prosecution, since it's only a matter of time before someone ends up being bored to death. But based on these post-happy criminals, cops could probably cut down on their interrogation hours if they would just hand their suspect a laptop and say, "While you wait for your attorney to get here, why not update your status?"

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He knows, dipsh*t, he's not stupid.

Mom, I'm trying to be PRIVATE, okay?

"Do you still do weed? Asking because I think we shouldn't, mom wouldn't like it."

...and, you know, life.

What is the greater crime: endangering everyone on the road, or that steering wheel sleeve?

No, ma'am, the royalty of tax fraud already exists: they're called large corporations.

You're never out of reach of the long Monopoly pun of the law.

"Well, he's got us there. We can't arrest anyone on their bday. Let him go, boys."

"See, kids? They're so gentle you can just walk up and abuse the shit out of them!"

Wait wait wait! This elaborate deception was by a guy named "Ruse"? Hahahahahaha.

Seriously girl, no matter what kind of pills those are, $3.50 is too cheap.