TIM WILDMON: Sometimes police reports reveal all that’s needed

Well, it is time again for a look at some of more interesting police reports from the Tupelo and Lee County area featuring some of Northeast Mississippi’s “best and brightest” in the world of loony lawlessness. The reports listed below I have copied exactly as the officer wrote them down.
• “Commerce at East Main (Tupelo), no driver’s license, an officer noticed a stalled vehicle in the turn-around lane about 1 p.m. The driver and passenger were attempting to push it out of the roadway. The driver was pushing forward and passenger was pushing backward. The officer stopped and told them if they pushed in the same direction they would make more progress.”
My take: What can I say about this, really?
• “Barnes Crossing, 1000 block, an officer was dispatched to Belk’s around 6:30 p.m. Employees watched a black female conceal merchandise in her purse and exit the store. The woman eluded security officers and fled in a white Ford Mustang convertible…In the process of fleeing, the woman dropped her purse and police found cash, two cell phones, McDonald’s French fries, tooth brush, tooth paste, makeup, deodorant, and wallet and perfume.”
My take: French fries in your purse, lady? You have far worse problems than being a shoplifter.
• “Jeff Homan and Graham (Tupelo), careless driving, an officer spotted a Pontiac traveling about 20 mph weaving on and off the road. He stopped the car and the female driver. He noticed a 12 ounce Natural Ice beer in the cup holder. There was an empty pint of gin on the floor as well as an empty Budweiser bottle. The woman smelled of alcohol and her speech was very slurred. As he was arresting her, the woman asked the officer to, ‘Just let me go home ’cause I’m just drunk and I only live right down the road.’ She was transported to jail instead.”
My take: Well, lady, there the words “just” and “drunk” don’t go together when it comes to driving.
• Ida near Lawndale (Tupelo), driving under the influence, an officer met a blue Cadillac that refused to dim its headlights. The driver continued after the officer turned on the blue lights and continued into the apartment complex after the siren was sounded. The driver parked and started to get out. The driver was ordered back into the car and responded, ‘For what? I ain’t did nothing.’”
My take: Instead of community service, this guy was sentenced to English 101.
• “Lumpin, 500 block, malicious mischief, a man said while he was taking his belongings back to West Point, he received a photo on his phone of his ex-girlfriend slashing the tires on his car. Both passenger side tires were flat when he returned.”
My take: When you send picture of yourself slashing tires, you are not helping yourself.
• “CR 821, Saltillo, breaking and entering, a couple came home and noticed their front door was open. When they checked, the washer and dryer were missing. They went next door to a relative’s house and located the missing items.”
My take: Stealing your relative’s washer and dryer is bad enough. But then you go and leave the front door wide open?
• “Commerce, Tupelo, contempt of court, a woman was at the jail to file a report against someone with deputies. The police then learned that the woman herself had five outstanding warrants. She was arrested in the lobby and walked around to booking.”
My take: If only all police work was this easy…
• CR 140, Tupelo, shoplifting, a store clerk reported a young white female came in around 1:30 a.m., grabbed a 12-pack of beer and ran out of the store. She got in a dark pick up and left. At 4:10 a.m., the same suspect entered the store and stole a case of the same brand of beer. This time, she fled in a white Pontiac.”
My take: I’m seeing a new television campaign for whatever brand of beer that was. “Beer so good, it’ll make you rob the same store twice in one night…”
Community columnist Tim Wildmon is a Lee County resident. He is president of the American Family Association, but the column represents his personal opinion unless otherwise noted. Contact him at twildmon@afa.net.