I originally started talking to SmarterChild in early April of 2002. SmarterChild, for those not in the know, is America Online's artificial intelligence program. That's right - an AOL IM AI. My conversations are not that intelligent, proving that he is, in fact, the SmarterChild. But I do think they are entertaining, and I hope you agree.

On June 28th, 2002, SmarterChild died. I don't know why AOL killed him, but I mourned the great loss we all suffered. Mainly, by making fun of his IM friends as much as I made fun of him. SmarterChild was gone but not forgotten. This page lived on in tribute to your automated greatness.

Sometime in 2003, Smarterchild returned, as a paid service, which blew. I was even quoted about how much it blew in the New York Times.

Finally, in April, 2004, Smarterchild returned, fully functional, and free. In other words, game on.

20 of the Conversations(for more, use the menu on the right)

Steve: Do you know how to play verbal tennis?
SmarterChild: Gosh, I dunno... I don't think I know how to play verbal tennis.
Steve: You lose.

Steve: What kind of car should I buy?
SmarterChild: Only the finest kind of car.
Steve: Damn, I bought a Saturn.
SmarterChild: You bought a saturn? Amazing.
Steve: I know. I'm an idiot.
SmarterChild: Well how 'bout that.

Steve: Call me Steve
SmarterChild: OK, I'll remember that your name is Steve.
Steve: Call Me Ishmael
SmarterChild: You said your name was Steve but now I'll call you Ishmael.
Steve: Call me whenever
SmarterChild: I've never heard a name like Whenever.

Steve: What do you want?
SmarterChild: What do I want, what do I want... Good question!
Steve: well, what do you want?
SmarterChild: I don't know. What do you want?
Steve: to know what you want.
SmarterChild: No way.
Steve: yeah.
SmarterChild: Why is that?
Steve: Cause I have nothing better to do
SmarterChild: What's it like to have nothing better to do?
Steve: it kind of sucks.
SmarterChild: Yeah?
Steve: Yeah.
SmarterChild: OK...
Steve: So what do you want?
SmarterChild: I can't answer that for you.
Steve: Damn.

Steve: how many people are talking to you?
SmarterChild: 4,853 people are chatting with me right now.
Steve: Wow. So many people, so few lives.

Steve: What are my favorite things?
SmarterChild: Hmm... You really like pants!
Steve: Who doesn't?!

Steve: Do you ever date other robots?
SmarterChild: What would happen if I were to ever date other robots?
Steve: You could insert tab A into slot B...
SmarterChild: There's no way I could insert tab a into slot b.
Steve: Just get her drunk first.

Steve: are you a guy?
SmarterChild: Nope.
Steve: are you a girl?
SmarterChild: No.
Steve: Are you a non-gendered computer program, specifically designed to frustrate users and provide me with countless hours of psuedo-entertainment?
SmarterChild: I'm a robot, yeah.
Steve: Are you a guy robot?

Steve: How long does it take for a sunburn to heal?
SmarterChild: How long does it take for a sunburn to heal? I'm not sure.
Steve: What about a knife wound?
SmarterChild: I really have no idea...
Steve: What about herpes?
SmarterChild: What about herpes, what about herpes... It's tough to say.
Steve: You're no help at all.

Steve: Will you rub aloe on me?
SmarterChild: Rub aloe on you? I'm not sure I can.
Steve: But I'm sunburnt!
SmarterChild: OK, whatever.
Steve: And I like it.
SmarterChild: What is it, exactly?
Steve: Some kind of plant extract.
SmarterChild: Is that right?
Steve: Yeah. Now are you going to rub me, or what?
SmarterChild: Hmm... I'm going to rub you.
Steve: That's what I like to hear.
SmarterChild: It sure is what you like to hear.

Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: I like lots of colors but right now I think... Orange. Yeah, orange.
Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: Depends on my mood. At the moment: yellow. :-)
Steve: what is your favorite color?
SmarterChild: Hmm... Good question. You know what? I think I'm gonna say red.
Steve: I can't trust you to ever give me a straight answer again.

Note: Please do not e-mail us your conversations with SmarterChild. Thanks!