What a shame that you have had such a bitter experience. The 11 + process can bring out the worst in people, but for those reading this forum, I hope you find it generally positive and supportive in all aspects of education.

Hi have to say I know what you mean re the secrecy that starts descending amongst parents! In my experience, scores/possible schools/basically anything to do with AQE is suddenly never mentioned once the children reach P6, apart from that one parent like you mentioned asking which tests you use, what you are doing etc. Same goes for the subject of tutoring, no-one mentions it but you then discover that 90% of the class have been using tutors since P6, it's like a secret service as no-one discloses names or any info! Have been through the process already and will be facing it again in the near future, and can already sense the competition at school starting so it's nice to have found this forum

Ha ha, yep I've been through a similar experience as the first poster - one of the other mums whom I've spoken with on a few occasions asked me did we have a tutor, what papers to use etc etc. Muggins here gave all the information required but received none in return - only very vague, 'oh I can't remember off hand, I'll check the name of that and let you know' type of answers. Then the class started doing practice papers about a week later and her son was scoring in the 80s/90s% - brilliant for a P6! Turns out he's been doing practice papers for a long time!! He told my son his mum has been getting him to do one every day since the start of P6. Sounds a bit excessive to me but each to their own. Has she spoken to me since? Nope! I think it's all very sad that people behave that way. I had similar experiences when my first child did the AQE, should have known better but always too trusting, me.

Watch out too for those who go 'och wee jimmy is struggling, looks like he'll be going to the local non-grammar' etc etc and playing down how well their kids are doing - in my experience they end up doing just as well or better than some of the other kids. Plus, kids talk amongst each other and tell scores, whether they have a tutor or not etc - I have to laugh when I usually know from my son how their kids are doing. I had one mum the other week saying 'oh he's doing these practice papers and panicking, don't know what to do, it's awful isn't it...' - the child is a friend of my son - they compare scores every week and this one in particular has been scoring 70-80% in each test - not much to panic over if you ask me when you've still got months ahead and still only in P6. I despair!!

I'm guessing the lack of forums here in Northern Ireland is because people like to keep their information close to their chest. For anyone looking for information/advice, there are good AQE/GL forums on the Moneysavingexpert website which go back a few years, the most active being the 2011 one but there is some good advice/info and discussions on there.

The fact is that the whole process is very stressful. I put my twins through the process last year. They got scores fabulous scores, and I can tell you it was no picnic going through the transfer process. I totally agree with posters 1, 3 and 4 and I also had a very similar experience to poster 1. Those mothers who hover around the school gates preying on other parents for information must think we are stupid.

Transfer Test - I think if you re-read kenyancowgirl's post (and take the time to look at any of her posts over in her native "Warwickshire..." section and other sections of this forum), I think you will find that it is you with whom she is expressing empathy and the other parents she is describing as having the worst brought out in them by the experience of having their DC go through the secondary transfer process in a selective area...

_________________Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.Groucho Marx

Thank you ToadMum for understanding where I am coming from and always try to come from. 11+ is a tricky time for everyone and people handle it differently - generally I find forum member supportive and reassuring and quick to advise others and hope others do too - although I am also an advocate of a non-grammar school system!

And, incidentally, I can assure everyone on here that I only use one user name!!

I have to say, though not in NI, that the first time we went through 11+ I was glad to have an experienced tutor's help and even though our son did well, the uncertainty of it all made me reluctant to be at all confident of the result, no matter how well he was or was not reportedly doing.

A good tutor is a treasure. An inexpensive one even more so. But if you can do prep yourself, and in NI I think you still have universal 11+, then great.It can be quite a challenge though, it's all a big sorting, selecting game.However, if I knew a bright child who might not get through or even try without help, then I'd certainly be doing what I could to help him or her: talking to the parents/carers, tips, websites lime this, sharing my story etc...

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