Weathering storm of son's cancer

Thursday

Jul 31, 2014 at 6:00 AM

By Dianne Williamson

A blizzard effectively ended the life of 49-year-old Raymond F. McPadden Jr.

He was plowing snow from his driveway in February 2013 when his truck got stuck in a drift. A neighbor's surveillance camera would later show that he grabbed a shovel and tried to dig himself out. Shortly after midnight he collapsed in the snow, a victim of a heart weakened by radiation he endured during a bout of cancer in his 20s.

McPadden was a devoted family man and popular fixture in the town of Shelton, Conn. He and his brothers owned two bustling diners, but he liked nothing better than spending time with his kids.

"The minute you met him, you wanted to be around him," said his widow, Marybeth Gauthier McPadden, a Millbury native. "Kids loved him. He was attentive and caring and silly. His death left a very big void with my children."

So when his 9-year-old son and namesake complained of stomachaches shortly before the one-year anniversary of his dad's death, Mrs. McPadden assumed the pain was psychological and took him to therapy. Still grieving herself, she couldn't know that a deluge would again overwhelm her family.

Little Ray's stomach pains got worse. Then he began vomiting. Finally came the devastating diagnosis: Burkitt lymphoma, a rare form of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, characterized by impaired immunity and fast-growing tumors.

Little Ray underwent surgery in April to remove three tumors in his abdomen. Two weeks later, a bone scan and spinal tap came back clean, and he underwent seven rounds of chemotherapy.

"The cancer hadn't spread to his marrow, and all of the doctors were optimistic and expected he'd be cured," Mrs. McPadden said.

Then came a PET scan earlier this month, which revealed the presence of new tumors that had grown even as the child underwent chemo. Now, Ray faces an aggressive course of inpatient chemotherapy at Yale New Haven Children's Hospital.

"It's been a very rough year and a half," said Mrs. McPadden, a lawyer for a small firm in New Haven. "I think I'm on autopilot and in survival mode. I have to take care of my kids. ... I'll have my meltdown eventually."

To compound the family's stress, Mrs. McPadden must leave her job for several months while she stays with little Ray in the hospital, sleeping on a cot next to his bed. He underwent his first bout last week and is due back for another week of chemo Aug. 11.

"He's exhausted," his mom said. "He's been very stoic up until recently. ... But last week in the hospital he broke down. He misses his dad. He said, 'Why is God mad at me? What did I do?' "

Mary Kate Perry of Worcester graduated with Mrs. McPadden from Holy Name High School in 1986, along with Jon Davies, the Worcester firefighter who was killed in a three-decker blaze in 2011. After Davies' death, his classmates held a fundraiser for his family. Now they're holding another one for Marybeth McPadden.

"This family could not have undergone more tragedy," Ms. Perry said. "But Marybeth does an excellent job of putting on a good front."

As for Mrs. McPadden, she said she's weathered the storm with the support of friends and even strangers, who have delivered food and gift cards, and offered to baby-sit her daughter while she spends time in the hospital. "My son doesn't deserve this," she said. "I can't make it go away, and that's the hardest part. But people have been so good and giving, and that's made all the difference."

The fundraiser will be held Aug. 10 at Halligan's in Auburn. Donations can be made through gofundme.com under Marybeth McPadden's name. To learn more, call (508) 769-7838.