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Okay Until I Found The Letters

skipper85

Posts: 231
Joined: Sep 2010

Apr 14, 2011 - 4:48 pm

I was in a great mood today. Lots of energy - just like my old self so I started
cleaning out the attic for a huge garage sale I'm having Sat. when I found Paul's letters that he had written to me from Viet Nam (before we were married). I was so happy to find them since I thought they got lost in one of our moves. I put them aside and continued to work on getting things done. Later I looked into the box. I had numbered them (sometimes I'm smart). There were 67 in all. I picked one randomly and started to read it. You guessed it - the tears came pouring out. It's only the second time I actually bawled since January when he died. After my crying spell I felt terrible. I changed my shirt and went down to the local berry farm where I bought a waffle cone. I just sat in my car looking at a wig catalog I got in the mail and then just staring out into the berry fields. My mind was blank. I had been eating healthy and excercising up to this point. I was feeling great until I read that letter. It just killed my whole day. I haven't been working as much as I should anyway (self-employed - I work from home)and this really made we want to just curl up into a ball. I think maybe I'll put away the letters until I can handle them a little better. Right now I have too many things on my plate to be crashing and burning. I'm not pushing myself like I did at the beginning and I feel better about that, but I am still fragile. It's been four months and I just want to get on with my life but it only takes something small to rock my boat.

I find something, I remember a time, I go somewhere and here it comes! I am praying that memories will begin to make me smile, and there have been times, but the next thing I know, I have gone full circle to the day he passed!

I have notes and letters also, I have put them away for a time in the future that I may be able to embrace his words and smile.

I'm thinking you may have needed a good cry. It is amazing what can set us off. Sometimes it's little things, sometimes big things. Four months may seem like a long time to you. It really isn't. It has been almost 18 months for me, and I still have tears. Not as often, not as much. Take care. Fay

Skipper,
My hubby, Tom, passed away just one year ago in March. And believe it or not, only two weeks ago I finally sat down and read the hundreds of sympathy cards from his funeral. Talk about tears!!! I could've filled the bathtub! Okay I exaggerated a little, but there were alot of tears. Even a song can set me off. It's going to take a long time for us to get over (which we'll never do) losing our husbands. It will get easier, but we'll never forget. So hey, glad you enjoyed your waffle cone!!! You deserved it. I'm sure it was very hard reading those letters from Paul when he was in Vietnam. Just take your time, I'm glad you found them. I always wish I had Tom's messages that he left on the answering machine. I'd give anything just to hear his voice again.
Take care skipper!!! Carole

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