Adam Corolla took the brave and utterly useless step of being the latest person in Hollywood to come out and state there is a gay mafia that controls a good deal of territory in this town. Seeing as this was sort of news ten to twenty years ago, his statements naturally raised a firestorm in a Salon interview that will no doubt be pinned to his lifeless body to be found in a dumpster behind the Rage nightclub.

I don’t have a problem with it — they’ve just turned into a mafia and demanding everyone apologize for every joke and retract every statement.

Carolla was flogged a few years ago for asking pro gay marriage activists to go get married and shut the fuck already. While his point of view likely represents the plurality of popular opinion in this country, it’s considered reactionary and heretical in a town where every high school drama club alum still pretends that coming out of the closet is akin to diving on a grenade in a foxhole. Carolla has yet to publicly connect the dots between his more politically correct comic buddies exceeding him professionally. But when he does, even the most ardent of gay bashers will hate him for being a self-pitying pussy. Gays and Jews run Hollywood. You can’t talk shit about blacks in the NBA or pick strawberries in California while calling Caesar Chavez an asshole or wear a Penguins jersey to your job in the Philly shipyards,. You can’t make gay jokes and still get yourself a TV talk show? You’ll live.

Adam Carolla got where he is today because his dad owned dozens of radio stations across the country and gave him his job hosting ‘Loveline’. Oh, wait, no he didn’t, his life was shit and he worked to get everything he’s ever had. So try and guess how he feels about the Occupy Wall Street movement. Hint: they don’t even use the word “douche” this many times in commercials for actual douches.

TMZ says that Adam Carolla went on a, “SHOCKING anti-LGBT tirade last week”, and it must have been shocking or else they wouldn’t have capitalized SHOCKING. Everyone brace yourself for the SHOCK-edness!

I'm super out of it today, but to make up for it I have some free stuff. As a powerful Hollywood celebrity, I get asked to do giveaways and promotions all the time but they usually suck, and participating would go against my inherent sense of laziness, so I never do anything. But this time someone gave me some copies of "The Hammer", which stars professional dancer Adam Carolla and comes out on DVD June 24th. I'm looking at the disc right now and it says Made in Mexico so you know it's good. Put in the right situation, Carolla is an unparalleled genius, and this movie for him is the right situation. It got 77 percent on Rotten Tomatoes Top Critics, so it's clear that if you don’t think this is funny it's because you suck. They only gave me 5 copies, meaning they spent like 4 fucking dollars to buy me off, but I like Carolla and the movie really is funny so whatever. Just email me if you want a copy. And if you’re a chick and you wanted to send naked pictures to help your odds, by all means go for it.

UPDATE – I'm trying to get some more copies now, so email me if you want and I'll see what we can do. This was a horrible idea by the way, because now i have like 1800 emails.