Beer & Ciggies: An (un)Australian Budget…..Guide

The (un)Australian was fortunate enough to grab a sneak peek of Treasurer Scott Morrison’s upcoming budget. Here’s a few key areas that old mate Scotty thinks might help him stay in office.

Infrastructure

Massive amounts of money will be poured into roads and rail. By the end of this year every city in Australia will have traffic jams caused by roadworks and buses replacing trains due to track work. A definite vote winner. For who we are not sure.

Beer drinkers

The Government has done some tinkering to lower the price of craft beer. The aim being to get everyone so drunk that they forget about the rising cost of living, housing affordability and Bill Shorten. In their defense even Shorten’s own colleagues try to forget about him.

Illegal Tobacco

The Government plans to set up a task force to crack down on illegal tobacco. It wants to remind the community that smoking is bad but beer is good.

Tax Cuts

If you’re on less than $87,000 per year expect a tax cut. Of course you won’t see this as child care, health insurance and the general cost of living are also tipped to rise. But don’t worry you will only be $20 a week worse off instead of $30 had you not got a tax cut.

Company tax cuts

Not likely to pass through the Senate however the Treasurer is still holding on to the dream. In the interim he has promised free hand jobs for all Company CEO’s in an effort to subdue them.

Lifeline To Receive More Funding

With a twenty four seven news cycle and a pending federal election well it’s the least they could do.