Aged beef joins forces with young 'uns to take on Mel Gibson in this third "Expendables"

No pensions were harmed in the making of "The Expendables 3," the latest in the continuing saga of Sylvester Stallone's mission to provide a work week or two to as many of his old pals as possible. Also these movies make money, so there's a larger imperative. This one reportedly cost $90 million. It looks more like $30 million. I think audiences respond to the general air of cheapness in this franchise; it's part of the fun, the tinny macho ridiculousness of it.

The cast list is long and beefy. It includes Jason Statham, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jet Li (barely in it), Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews and some new, younger recruits, among them Kellan Lutz and mixed martial artist Ronda Rousey. The best thing about this self-mocking affair, which runs a leisurely two-plus hours and affords plenty of time for an insane body count, is Antonio Banderas' manic gusto in the role of a gabby mercenary determined to join the special ops team contracted once again by the CIA. This time Stallone's character, Barney Ross, has his puffy eyes on a former Expendable turned suavely psychopathic arms dealer, played with nerve-wracking effectiveness by Mel Gibson, who appears to be channeling all sorts of real-life hostility here.

The franchise loves its little in-jokes. At one point one of the Garanimals (sorry, Expendables) asks Wesley Snipes why his knife-wielding doctor character was put in prison. "Tax evasion," he replies, in a reference to Snipes' real-world legal troubles. Harrison Ford, mentally recalling better days when he played Jack Ryan, takes over for Bruce Willis as the shadowy government figurehead who can't wait to go rogue himself.

The leitmotifs in "Expendables 3" involve fist-bumps (Stallone and Statham's primary means of communication, to the point where it becomes a kind of sign language) and that old action standby, the team-assembly sequence. Kelsey Grammer brings the gravitas and a little wisecrackery as an assassin talent broker who takes Stallone on a scouting trip, after our hero determines that the old gang is simply too creaky and shot-up to get the job done. I love the geography in this bit; the boys fly from Wyoming to New York and then to Arizona? Who booked this itinerary?

You never really believe you're any of these places, even when the locations are real-ish; director Patrick Hughes shot most of "Expendables 3" in Bulgaria. The climactic and semi-endless assault features tanks, helicopters, motorcycle stunts only a digital effects specialist could love and some terrible staging and editing. Even so, the movie's less a failure than a shrug, and it's pleasant in a numbing way to see everybody again, killing, killing, killing.

At this point in the dystopian movie cycle, I'm ready for a story about a teenager with zero interest in questioning the system, let alone starting a revolution. A spineless conformist — that's what the genre needs.

With the new "Mission: Impossible" movie, even if it's the most assured and satisfying of the five so far, it sounds foolish to even mention the things the characters say in between screeching tires, gunfights, knife fights, motorcycle derring-do, and the opening act featuring Tom Cruise dangling...

Much of what happens during "The Stanford Prison Experiment" seems just too unbelievable to be true. Sadly, and fascinatingly, director Kyle Patrick Alvarez's film depicts the real events of a 1971 study on authority and situational behavior done by Dr. Philip Zimbardo (Billy Crudup).

There must be some sort of Dr. Seuss contraption shared among Hollywood studios called the Unfunny-izer, hauled out and set to sputtering when it comes time for the latest depressing remake of a comedy.

With Robert Downey Jr. making him a skull-cracking action hero, and Benedict Cumberbatch making him a high-functioning sociopath, what sort of Sherlock Holmes yarn can add fresh story material? How about Ian McKellen playing the immortal character as we've never seen him before?