Bulgaria

Sofia

FSP

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Getting Ready

I'm almost there...I just keep thinking that. If I really stopped to think of all the things that could go wrong between now and my girls coming home, I just might go crazy.

The Fed Ex man got the file there - It's getting translated. The next step is for my facilitator to submit it and then more waiting to get an appointment. An appointment. How much work could that be for someone to look at their calendar and find a few minutes for me to come in to pick up paperwork? Why does it have to take so much time? It's another day at work for them and a signifcant event in my life, in her life, in my children's lives, in the awareness of a thousand people and the universe will move a little more harmoniously with her here where she belongs.

How did she get there so far away, when I know so surely that she is my child? Why did the Father who knows His plan, decide to drop her 1/2 way around the world from where she belongs. What faith He must have in me that I would figure it out and drop everything in my life and go get her and bring her home!

How do you fall in love with a child that you've never met? How can you look at a picture - one picture and know that child belongs to you? How can you pick that one child out of the million little faces that you've looked through on the internet and know that child was meant to be yours? How can you find her on this huge planet with billions of people? One picture and I knew she was mine. One instant and I said yes to all the things I said I would never do...leave these kids here, fly in an airplane, pay thousands of dollars when in the past "they've" paid me to take a child. I could have done it again that way. Taken a child through the foster system. Taken a child that "they" would deliver to my door. With a complete medical history, baby pictures, family history.

But none of them were my child. She is my child. She is part of my heart, part of my soul, part of my past and future. I know this child like I know my bio child. It's there in her eyes, when I look at her picture I see into her soul and I recognize the reflection like it's a mirror into the center of me.

I didn't think that anything would jump start this drive in me again. With a house full of kids already, it doesn't make sense that I would feel this pull to do what only four months ago seemed impossible. That's why I know I have to go get her. It's like the story of the lost lamb and the shepherd leaving his flock to go find the one lost sheep. Now that I know she exists I can't leave her out there all the way around the world without a home, without a family, without the love.