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Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Welcome back to the 2011 Golden Wreckies! I'm your host, Nicky Ganache, and for this segment I'll be talking about myself in the third person.

Nicky can hear you booing, everyone. Don't make Nicky get the hand puppets out again.

Okay, our next award is in the category of Best Supporting Role. And the nominees are:

"The Pastor's Podium"in Falling Down

"The Flower Girl's Chiclets"

in The Abyss

and...

"A Hope and a Prayer"

in Beaches

And the award for Best Supporting Role goes to.... 'The Flower Girl's Chiclets!' Yes, brilliant. I loved them in JAWS.

Now on to our second category, the award for Best Writing in a Comedic Role. (I actually wrote a hilarious cake this year myself, but, surprise surprise, it's not "eligible." Yeah. They even used air quotes.)

Anyway, the nominees are:

"Cowboys Undeafted"

The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle. Starring Will Ferrell.

"Maga Kum Latté"

The story of a group of rowdy sorority girls who work part-time at a coffee shop and fall in love with a nearby football team. Starring Will Ferrell.

"Happy Colleen"

The story of a rowdy teenager who explores life as a sheep-herder in the 1920s. Starring Will Ferrell.

And the award goes to... "Happy Colleen!" Although I still think my cake was better. Anyone want to see it, by the way? I happen to have it right here behind the podium... And, if I may say, it's bloody brilliant! ... No? ... You're missing out! ... You sure? ... Anybody?... FINE.

And finally, it's time for our last category of the evening. Because that's what "finally" means. Hah! See? I AM funny.

The nominees for Best Set Dressing are:

"Shower Horror"

The amount of ribbon on this cake will make your hair curl.

"Choking Hazard"

What it lacks in creativity, it makes up for with explosions and 3D effects.

The 8th cake is the fuzziest cake I've ever seen. How do you even find the cake under all that stuff???

It reminds me of when my son went to the ER on his sixth birthday. The nurses showered him with Happy Birthday stickers, because they finally had a use for them. That must be what's going on with the accessorized cakes. ("Finally, we can get rid of all that darned curling ribbon that the last bakery manager ordered by mistake.")

The choking hazard cake actually made me gasp. But I have to say, the people in the background of the first cake are my favorite thing. Is he actually comforting her??? I really wish I could see their heads...

OMG! If I went to an event and that first one was there, I would have to run outside to keep the wreckorator from hearing me laugh. Why is it sitting on a slanted, although low, lecturn??? Did they mean to offset the slant on the topsy-turvy? Then the cake should have been turned around.

That and the pink curly-ruffly mess are the aweful, worse than the rest.

You should receive an award for best commentary. You are the best part of my day, every day. Thank you!!

For the "Cowboys undeafted" cake, if they were talking about the Dallas Cowboys this year, they had it about right. They were emissaries of the tower of babel as far as playing effectively (as in totally unable to do so).

Excellent, excellent, EXCELLENT post! Kudos for the hilarious commentary Number 1. These "cakes" are truly memorable atrocities. I do think that the phrase Maga Kum Latte should be enshrined in the Wreckie lexicon.

I do agree with Fluffy Cow that the couple behind the first cake were rather fascinating. Not dressed in wedding clothes--so was this at a (their?) reception? I do love the gripped hands and her body language. Poor babies if it was theirs. The cake is resting on what looks like a wooden step stool from my hospital---high extra ICK factor

Obviously the first cake's decorator didn't do so well in high school physics, where everything happens on a frictionless plane. It's one thing to use a slanted platform, it's apparently too much though to get the angle right on the cakes so they balance out level in the end. Yikes.

I assume that Mickey/Minnie explosion was supposed to be a thing of beauty, given the lovely setting. Maybe the baker assumed that Disney does everything big, so the more stuff stuck in there, the better?

I don't really even see the cake under the heart picks with Hello Kitty on top--guess decorations are cheap when you're on a tight cake budget.

Happy? I'm delirious! They named a cake after me and it won!!! :-)Anyone else notice the big crack in the bottom layer of the chicklet cake?I can't imagine trying to serve the over-picked cakes, by the time you pulled off all the inedible stuff to get to the actual cake, the guests would all be home and tucked up in bed...

I submitted the last two cakes and wanted to point out that the Mickey & Minnie cake has tons of tiny hearts glued to the curly ribbons! ha ha ha. It's an old Wilton's design that's no longer on their website. Wonder why?

On behalf of myself and all the other Colleens out there.......we would like to thank the little people, our parents, and the other myriad of things that made us so Happy! Thanks for voting for us everybody!

#1 That has to be the most awkward way to hold hands yet devised. Maybe they're trying to restrain each other from taking out the photographer. "I SAID, no pictures! You think I want this disaster in our album?!" Frankly, it is difficult to see how it could have turned out better...

#2 Wreckerator: "Great -- didn't the air conditioning just have to pick today to go out. If you ask me, weddings should be in January, not June."

#3 The buckling on the bottom tier suggests fondant rather than frosting. I don't have anything against fondant, except when it comes to eating it.

#4 ...or a tragic love story of good icing penmanship and bad spelling.

#5 The Latin word is spelled with a 'c' (yep, *that* word is spelled exactly the same), but the wise decision was taken to use 'k' so as to enable people to breathe between bouts of laughter at the missing 'n'.

#6 Maybe they left off the comma and the question mark. 'Happy, Colleen?' Various song references keep suggesting themselves, but invariably prove to feature a sound-alike name. Maybe we can finally get through one day without an earworm.

#7 'Shower Horror' (cue 'Psycho' theme) does have bridges -- that is close enough to staircases. It just needs a pink grapefruit juice fountain to be 'perfect'. This puts a very literal spin on the phrase, 'child bride'.

How is it that they managed to use such pretty writing AND spell 'congratulations' right, but so totally missed the mark on 'Maga Kum Latte'?

Unless of course, they were going for the whole "we're glad you made it through at least one year of higher education fuelled entirely by caffeinated drinks without too much embarrasement" much like my experience was...

Is it just me, or does "Cowboys Undeafted: The story of a rowdy group of deaf football players who suddenly regain their hearing after the coach blows his whistle." sound like it would make a HILARIOUS movie starring Will Ferrell.

I love how the first cake's board is even propped up on one side.. like the wreckerator couldn't figure out how to make the cake appear to be leaning so they just gave up and forced it to.. it's so funny but I feel so bad for the poor people that ended up with these pieces of "art"..

The Mickey and Minnie cake looks like it's completely covered in that hairy white mould you get on food that's been left way too long. It would be a crime to leave a cake for long enough to get that mouldy...

Maga kum latte was hilarious but I can't even hazard a guess at what it was supposed to say.

Great post! I laughed (Best Writing in a Comedic Role), I winced (Best Supporting Role), I stared in disbelief (Best Set Dressing)...

Does the winner of a Golden Wreckie get a bronzed carrot jockey?

"Hello Kitschy" would definitely be perfect for HKH.

As for the cake for Alex and James: I agree with those of you who wouldn't want *that* in your coffee, but it seems there's a recipe for cappuccino in the (Lulu) cookbook Natural Harvest. Supposedly the book is full of recipes using that particular protein-rich liquid; there may even be one for cake! Warning, major ick factor here - www.cookingwith___.com (blanked out for the benefit of the easily offended and/or grossed out, but those of you who want to know more can easily fill in the correct 3 letters).

I have been looking for a picture of the Wilton Micky and Minnie Mouse cake for 2 years! I did a cake that had that one for the inspiration, but I made it look good. BTW, the "sprays" took 3 days, if anyone is considering it, charge accordingly!

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