What Else to Expect as a Designated Daughter

You've never been perfect before, no matter how hard you've tried. You're not going to be perfect now. You will try to take everything off your mother's shoulders and carry it on your own. You will get tired, you will get cranky, you will get resentful, you will be fearful. You will admonish yourself for not doing enough. You will cry for your

mother, you will cry for yourself. A good cry a day might be better for you than an apple.

Advertisement - Continue Reading Below

Expect Changes

As the years move along, as your mother gets older, her needs will change. She may go from a cane to a walker to a wheelchair until, finally, she spends most of her time in bed. You'll think it's a small world after all, and the walls are closing in. But think back. You've gone through changes, too. Real world changes. A child's wedding. A

grandchild born. A different job. A home of your own. You will realize you have not been standing still. You've been growing, and you will feel the self-respect that comes from being in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.

Most Popular

Expect Fear

Fear is part and parcel of Designated Daughterhood. We are facing loss, facing it down, facing each step that brings us closer to it with the biggest badeye we can muster. We can admit our fears to each other, each mother and each daughter. When it sucks, we can admit it sucks. When we do, when we honestly discuss the things that frighten and hurt us, we remove fear's teeth from around our necks, and move along.

Expect Joy

You will never regret being a Designated Daughter. Laugh at big things and little things. Laugh at the doctor's office. There is no sound like your mother's laugh. It will sustain you.

Expect Strength

I am a lot stronger woman today than I was twelve years ago. I have been learning and absorbing the fullness of my mother. She has leaned on me and I have leaned on her and by doing so, our power has doubled. Our relationship is permanent and infinite and I will live my life with her voice in my head; supportive, good-humored, forgiving and

loving. I will try to offer the same to my daughter. You can expect to feel this way, too.