“Choose being kind over being right and you’ll be right every time.” – Richard Carlson

[As our summer exploration of “The Best of A Cup of Caroll” winds down, I want to share this slightly-edited blog from 2013 with you again as a reminder that nothing and no one else can determine what ultimately happens to YOU. The Law of Attraction dictates that the energy YOU send out in response to someone else’s actions or words is what is going to determine what happens next to YOU, just as the other person’s energy will do for them.]

I was going to write about a different topic today, but when I heard from two clients in the space of an hour this morning, both with the same complaint, I felt a nudge to write about a totally different topic.

Both of these women are good people who always strive to do the right thing and treat others with kindness and respect. They deserve only the BEST in life. But no matter how good we are, we will sometimes be treated badly by others. One was upset because her soon-to-be ex-boss had made a snide comment to her, insinuating she was being less than productive during her final week at work. The other was hurt that her mother had unjustly accused her in front of other family members of not being supportive during a family crisis.

I let them vent, and then I asked them both, “What difference does what they said make in YOUR life?” The answer both gave was “Nothing.” Nothing unkind that is said to or about them can impede their happiness or ability to reach their goals. And, in each case, their nemesis was behaving in a way that was totally consistent with who they had shown themselves to be over a long period of time. In other words, they were just being themselves. Not their highest selves, but they were acting according to how their Egos view the world.

It’s not our job to change other people. Constant, fear-based scarcity thinking is its own punishment. These people are living under a cloud of constant suspicion, resentment, anger, blame, and self-imposed victimhood. Because they expect the worst from others and “energy attracts like energy,” according to The Law of Attraction, they must inevitably attract negative people and situations into their lives. By recognizing that they are creating their own hellish self-fulfilling prophecy, we can forgive them — or at least have compassion for them.

It is not how others treat us, but the way we respond to how they treat us that determines what is attracted next into our lives. Nobody and nothing outside of you has the power to make you feel bad. How we FEEL is entirely our choice — an internal response to an external situation. If you allow someone’s words or deeds to upset you, “the terrorists win.”

I know how frustrating and hurtful it can be to be unjustly accused of something. But in the grand scheme things, what others think of you is none of your business. They have a right to their opinion, and if it is petty, flawed, or just plain mean, that’s THEIR loss, not yours. For the most part, the folks they are gossiping to about you are well aware of this, and most don’t buy into it. Those who have their own interactions with you will judge you on their personal experience of you, not on malicious gossip.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that you should be a doormat. If someone is doing something that harms you in a material way — slandering you on a job reference, withholding money owed to you, lying about you in court, etc. — such actions need to be answered directly with the truth. And, as I’ve seen time and again, the truth ALWAYS wins out eventually.

One of my past clients was taken to court by her ex-husband, who accused her of hiding a huge income from the IRS (that he knew she didn’t really make), in an attempt to get his child support payments reduced. In fact, he claimed that she should have to pay HIM child support, even though she had primary custody of their children.

At first, she was incensed that she was being falsely accused and that she had to expend a great deal of time, effort and expense defending herself in court. I coached her to let go of all resentment towards him and to focus solely on maintaining positive energy and putting together solid proof of her true income for the judge. Since the truth was on her side, I helped her steadily grow her faith that everything would ultimately be resolved in her favor.

She was able to remain calm, get the expert help she needed, and triumph in court. In fact, not only was the case against her dismissed, but the judge substantially INCREASED the amount of child support her ex-husband was paying her and ordered him to pay all back child support he owed, as well as half of her attorney fees! Her Ex came out of the unjust situation he had purposely created to hurt her with a lot of new pain for himself.

When faced with unfair treatment, the rule of thumb we can use is this: If there is something you need to do to protect your own material interests, by all means do it, but without negative emotion about the person or situation. And, if there is nothing you can do about it, LET IT GO and re-focus your attention on all the GOOD that you want for your life.

Where attention goes, energy flows. So stay focused on what you want and allow others to learn their own life lessons and reap their own karma. “Living well,”as they say, “is the best revenge.”

NOTE: A Cup of Caroll is taking next Sunday off so I can enjoy a carefree Girls’ Vacation with my dear friend Lisa on Santa Catalina Island. I will join you again on Labor Day Weekend with a final “Best of A Cup of Caroll” column that will be a fitting sendoff to a great Summer of 2016. See you then!

If you would like your own free subscription to receive A Cup of Caroll three Sundays a month, just go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching. It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached! You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish. (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule their session.

“You need to be aware of what others are doing, applaud their efforts, acknowledge their successes, and encourage them in their pursuits. When we all help one another, everyone wins.” — Jim Stovall

[We continue our “Best of A Cup of Caroll” summer series with a slightly-edited blog from 2013. As I watched the short video at the end again, Arthur’s story had the same impact on me as before: I was left with a full heart, an inspired spirit and a wet face. I hope it inspires YOU to keep going, no matter how long the odds you seem to face. Remember, YOU matter and so do your Big Dreams. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s impossible!]

I was going to write this week on an entirely different topic inspired by one of Alan Cohen’s daily inspirations. A client sent me the excerpt from his book A Deep Breath of Life, which I thought it was so wonderful, I was going to give you the link to Alan’s website so you could check out his work for yourself.

While I was looking over his website, I glanced at his monthly newsletter page and noticed a link to a YouTube video that Alan promised would be inspiring. Boy was it. I was instantly flooded with tears by this five-minute excerpt from a longer movie about a handicapped veteran who was able to completely transform his physical and mental state with nothing but his unshakable persistence.

Arthur, a former paratrooper in the Gulf War, was severely disabled by a back injury while parachute jumping. At first confined to a wheelchair, and later able to walk only with cumbersome leg braces and crutches, Arthur was told by doctors for 15 years that he would never walk normally again. He gained 140 pounds and felt like giving up on himself and on life.

Finally, he asked for help. Several yoga instructors turned him down, undoubtedly thinking there was no way his broken body could perform yoga. But one didn’t give up on him. Diamond Dallas Page decided to help Arthur try. With just one human being willing to take a chance on him, Arthur started practicing yoga.

Slowly, painfully, falling often, but never giving up, he gained strength, stamina and balance. Ultimately, Arthur lost 140 pounds in 10 months. When you see what he does in the final frames of the video, you won’t believe your eyes.

Are you feeling discouraged and considering giving up on your own Big Dream? Arthur says in the video, “Never underestimate what you can accomplish when you believe in yourself.” Because he didn’t give up on himself, the Law of Attraction(“energy attracts like energy”) allowed Arthur to attract the perfect resource he needed to help him win.

This video is a powerful reminder that God/The Universe also needs YOU to become someone else’s “How” to enable them to reach their dreams. Just your warm smile and a hug or a handshake can encourage someone to keep pursuing their “impossible” dream for one more day. Giving of your time, treasure and talents in whatever large or small ways you are able can turn someone’s life around.

After you watch this remarkable little video, I promise you will never forget Arthur’s story. May it inspire you to keep pursuing your own Big Dreams and to help someone else who may be close to giving up on theirs. Who do you know who needs to hear “I believe in you” today? Call them up, email them or meet them for coffee and tell them that YOU do. Enjoy Arthur’s story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qX9FSZJu448

NOTE: If you would like your own free subscription to receive A Cup of Caroll three Sundays a month, just go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com and click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top.

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching. It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached! You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish. (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule their session.

“Make it a habit to tell people thank you — To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you’ll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life and you’ll find that you have more of it.” – Ralph Marston

[This slightly-edited blog first ran in 2014. I give this incredibly powerful prosperity tip to all my Personal Success Coaching clients, and I want to share it with YOU, too!]

Feeling grateful is my habitual way of being, but that wasn’t always so.

It came from consciously following a daily practice that has greatly increased both my joy and the level of material abundance in my life. When I began it years ago, there was much more fear than gratitude inside of me.

Soon after my wonderful husband Rick and I bought our big expensive Dream Home in late 2006, the national real estate bubble burst with a vengeance. Our home’s value plummeted by hundreds of thousands of dollars and my Realtor husband’s income evaporated overnight. At the same time, many of my clients had to quit coaching because their incomes also had been decimated by the Great Recession.

For months, I regularly woke up around 3 AM with a cold wave of fear engulfing me as I lay next to my sleeping husband thinking, “What if we lose our house? Could we end up living in our car like the people on the evening news? Would our friends let us sleep on their couch? What will happen to our beloved pets?” I lay there envisioning the Worst Case Scenario in living color until the alarm clock finally went off. Then I would drag myself out of bed and try to put on a happy face for my family and my clients, but inside I was terrified.

Because of my faith and my coaching training, I knew the antidote to fear was to change my thoughts. So I began to study every book and audio about prosperity that I could get my hands on. The consistent message coming to me from all the Master Manifesters was “Be grateful.” That seemed like a real stretch, given our bleak circumstances and the predicted length of the Great Recession.

One day, I was watching Oprah interview Sarah Ban Brethnach, the author of Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy. Sarah recommended that the path to greater abundance started with keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal.Oprah enthusiastically endorsed the practice, saying that it had changed her life. Well, Oprah was already one of the richest people on the planet, so that got my attention. What could possibly make her life better?

Oprah said that writing down five things she felt grateful for in a Gratitude Journal every day changed her life because it made her notice all the GOOD things in her life, big and small. On a challenging day when she was feeling discouraged or stressed, she had to really pay attention because she knew she would have to come up with five things that she was thankful for at the end of the day! Keeping a DailyGratitude Journal made her aware that we are all so blessed to have a life we often take for granted.

That got me thinking about all that I was taking for granted in my own life: My loving, healthy family and pets, an abundance of material comforts like indoor plumbing, a refrigerator full of food, electricity, a microwave, washer and dryer, clean running water, etc. etc. etc. And most of all, we are blessed with personal freedoms that billions of other people don’t enjoy. I was living a modest middle-class lifestyle that would be considered royalty in most of world!

Then I understood the Prosperity Secret that Oprah knew: All I really needed in my life was more GRATITUDE for what I already have, instead of worrying about what’s lacking. We know that what we focus on expands. I was focusing on lack, so I was attracting more LACK into my life. If I wanted to experience more PROSPERITY, I needed to focus on all the wonderful blessings I had in my life right NOW!

I started a Daily Gratitude Journal that very day. But I write down 10 things I’m thankful for each day because it’s hard to stop at five! My husband and I also began saying “grace” together before our evening meal, giving thanks to God for the specific blessings we are present to right NOW.

Slowly but surely, with a lot of Divine guidance, we began working through every single financial challenge we faced — settling five years of back taxes, discharging a bankruptcy, recovering from losing one car and two houses. Along the way, our family never missed a meal, paid a bill late or spent one night without our own roof over our heads.

Now, my husband’s real estate business is flourishing again, my coaching practice is nearly full and we are experiencing greater financial abundance and personal happiness today than the day we married nine years ago.

One of the clearest explanations of the very real power of GRATITUDE to create more good in your life is found in Felicia Blanco Searcy’s wonderful book Do Greater Things: Following in Jesus’ Footsteps. She writes:

“…physicists have shown that there are a multitude of possibilities available to us at any given moment. All options are there at once, waiting for us to decide where we will put our focus, which then determines which possibility will manifest.

…Gratitude opens us to the possibility that anything can happen. It increases our capacity to entertain other options even if we can’t begin to see how they might happen. It gives us a renewed sense of hope and brings our focus back to the possibility that things will turn out well.

As we focus on what is good in our lives, we bring the favorable possibility out from the shadows into the light of day. We clothe the desired choice and make it real with our thoughts and feelings. As we focus on gratitude, or appreciation, we give God the space to bring about other possibilities that are beyond our human understanding or imaginings.”

If you aren’t keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal, I highly recommend starting yours today. Take it from Oprah (and me), your life will never be the same!

NOTE: If you would like your own F*R*E*E* subscription to receive A Cup of Caroll three Sundays a month, go to my website at www.practicalprosperitycoach.com then click on the Prosperity Tips button at the top and enter your name and email. This information will be kept 100% confidential and will not be given to anyone else for any other purpose.

I invite you to give a friend, colleague or loved one a truly unique gift that can change their life — ONE HOUR of Personal Success Coaching. It is absolutely F*R*E*E* with no obligation and no strings attached! You can give this to as many people who will really appreciate it as you wish. (If you haven’t been in coaching with me for a while, feel free to claim it for YOURSELF, too!)

To schedule a F*R*E*E* HOUR of phone coaching that will help them clarify their Big Goals and get into ACTION to make this their BEST year yet, have them email me at caroll@practicalprosperitycoach.com to schedule their session.