Crystal ball doesn’t seem to work very well

Saturday

Apr 19, 2014 at 12:01 AM

I have a little crystal ball, a small globe that's as clear as fresh spring water. It's a cute little thing, but although I can find no fault with its structure, it still doesn't seem to work very well.

By Emory SchleyColumnist

I have a little crystal ball, a small globe that's as clear as fresh spring water. It's a cute little thing, but although I can find no fault with its structure, it still doesn't seem to work very well.As I understand the process, a crystal ball is supposed to allow you to glimpse, at least briefly, into the future and thereby ascertain whatever the Fates may have in store for us. This has always seemed like a pretty decent idea to me, and one that I would love to put to work. However, this pretty little doodad just seems to fail miserably. It never has been able to give me that sought-after glimpse into the future.I've always been somewhat of a math-phobic guy. I don't really have any more problems with addition, subtraction, multiplication and division than anyone else, it's just that I'd rather avoid such pursuits as much as is humanly possible. Decades ago, a wondrous invention hit stores that proved absolutely ideal for a person like me. It was called a calculator. I remember the first one I ever saw, back in the early 1970s. It was a four-function model, meaning it could do addition, subtraction, multiplication and division only.And its cost was in the $400 range. That was a full month's pay — before taxes — way back then.I really wanted one of those little gems, but the enormous price was just way out-of-sight. A few years later, the prices began dropping little by little, and calculators sprouted a few extra functions to go with their lowering prices.One day, still in the '70s, my wife and I stepped into Sears, in the now defunct Searstown plaza. As we walked into the interior of the store, my eyes spied a table bursting with calculators and a big sign proclaiming "Only $99.99!" and I thought for a moment my heart had stopped. "Look," I shouted excitedly to Dearly Beloved, "They're only a hundred bucks! We're gonna get one of these, because we'll NEVER find them this cheap again."So we did. We paid $99.99 plus tax for a four-function calculator to help keep the checkbook's register straight. Even today, the hair raises up on the back of my neck when I'm in a store and walk past a calculator that sells for $1. Ouch!I have a calculator in my cellphone that's equal to any math I'll ever need to do — including algebraic functions and trigonometry. And it was free for the downloading.Anyone wanna buy a crystal ball? It's not very accurate, but it sure is pretty.NOT EVEN A REMOTE POSSIBILITY: Ocala's Joe Zahringer sent in a link to a video that claims you can increase the range of your car's remote entry key by holding it up to your head and pressing the unlock button. Or that you can extend the range even further by using a quart of water instead of your head.He wrote: "This will help find your car in the mall parking lot. We tried it on my brother-in-law Gene's car here in our yard in Ocala, and we were able to open the door from over the length of a football field when we had to stop because we were going into the woods. It really works, and we found that the remote keeps the new range all by itself and you don't have to keep pointing it at your head."Joe, I readily admit I don't know very much, but I DO know a little bit about radio waves and propagation effects. If this worked as the video describes, every ham radio operator and CB'er in the country would have a water tank in their yards. Probably half the commercial radio and TV stations would jump on this wagon, too.If it worked for you, it had to have been a propagation anomaly, which sometimes occurs with certain atmospheric conditions. My remote entry also works at a 100-yard range (without pointing it at my head), but the one for my wife's car only works up to about 30 feet or so, and we both have the same make of car. There is a great variation in remote transmitters. You could be easily deceived comparing one to another.A one-time increase in range as you describe cannot make the condition permanent. And if you don't mind a word of caution, I wouldn't be holding a radio transmitter up to my head and pressing the transmit button. Your brain works with electrical impulses, and radio waves are electromagnetic in nature — I wouldn't do that, and you probably shouldn't, either.I wonder if this video was posted as an elaborate April Fools prank?Send your comments to slyguy73@gmail.com and include your FULL name and town. This column appears each Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday and online at ocala.com.