SO and I have been together almost three years, lived together for two. The last six months have been a wreck when it comes to bedtime. I am not necessarily a light sleeper but his sleep habits keep me up. I end up sleeping on the couch a lot after being woken up by being kicked, pushed, elbowed, or snored out of bed. He often takes offense to the fact that I leave the room. He feels hurt but I am hurting from not getting sleep. While I love cuddling before we fall asleep, he runs at about 500 degrees and sweats a lot. I wake up drenched and end up changing clothes in the middle of the night.

Tonight was considerably worse because I have been sick. I have that horrible flu that is going around and my asthma is acting up. Went to the doctor and I am now on steroids and Tylenol with codeine just so I can get a few hours of sleep after being woken up constantly from asthma attacks the last two nights.

I finally felt restful enough to sleep. I relaxed, dozed off, and then I get an elbow in the back. Then he starts snoring. Then he kicked all the blankets off and rolled on top of them. I got up because otherwise I was going to freak out. I am close to tears because I've told him his sleep problems are just that- a problem. He seems to believe I just don't want to sleep with him. He's right but for the wrong reason.

I'm sorry this is so long or on the wrong board but I needed to vent. It has been a long month and not getting sleep is putting me over the edge.

Update: SO got up this morning and was pretty rude. :-\ I had just fallen asleep on the couch and woke up to him banging cupboards and slamming drawers. I told him I was having a hard time breathing and needed space but his reply was "I'm getting sick too, now." I gave suggestions to help him kick it since he is healthy without extra shit to add to it- like I have severe asthma so it gets worse whenever I'm sick. Then I told him we need a bigger bed and he got all snippy and said he knows, I want a California King. Which I have never said. So I said, No just a queen, like the one we slept in at this hotel. And he snapped and told me he was just kidding.

I officially got three hours of sleep due to our sleeping issues with each other. He got eight. I'm sleeping on the couch from now on until I buy a bigger bed.

Replies

my mom and dad have been married 35 years, they sleep in seperate rooms, they both have issues with sounding like dying oxen in their sleep, we spent the night on christmas eve, it was awful!

Quoting ManicAttack:

Lol. Reminds me of my step dad. I could hear him through four walls and down a hallway. Horrible. He and my mom have slept separately for years and have been together 22 years. He knows how loud he snores though. He's caught himself so he doesn't take offense to my mom being like, "You sound like a pig with a deviated septum being branded in his sleep."

My SO would not be so accepting.

Quoting Irenesmommy:

we've talked about getting a bed in the spare room, I need my space and my sleep. I'm actually excited that dd is camping out in the living room and I get to sleep in her bed tonight because he is sick...if I thought his noises were bad when he is healthy oy

Quoting ManicAttack:

I snore too. Asthma, allergies, a little chubby- bound to happen. Not recently nor near enough to keep him up at night though. Plus I actually try to fix it. Use nasal strips, sleep on my side, etc.

It's also proven that men sleep better with women, where as women sleep better alone. Men crave the closeness all throughout the night. Women tend to roll away and want their own space.

I work two night audit shifts a week and I sleep better during those odd days in the sunlight and daytime noise and alone than I do at night with him.

Quoting Irenesmommy:

My husband and dd have a conspiracy to never let me sleep I swear. I've spent more nights on the couch or dd's bed because of snoring, talking in his sleep, kicking. I've begged him to go have a sleep study done because he literally sounds like he is dying when he snores. His response is "well you snore too" yeah I'll admit it, I have allergies and some nights I snore. I don't however snarl like a rabid bear, stop breathing then gurgle awake only to do it all over again.

by Anonymous 3

January 11, 2013 at 2:09 AM

ugh. the sweat reminds me of my brother. we used to have fans going around to keep it semi-cool... esp when he'd attempt to sneak into my bed when we were younger. i hated it!

maybe you can throw a pillow between you guys? that way when he starts beating up on you, there's a little cushion for the blows.

Yeah a full size is tiny. Which is the problem. We slept in a king a few months ago and the difference was amazing. However, it wasn't a great experience because OF COURSE I don't sleep well in places other than my home or my parents. I think the king was a bit too big. But a queen would probably work. Bed shopping next month for sure.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

You do realize that a full size mattress (double) is the width of 2 crib mattresses, right? A king is the size of two twin mattresses. We had a queen for years, and got a king a few years ago - the difference is amazing. I can't stand to have anyone touching me while I'm sleeping.

Is your husband overweight? That can cause some of the overheating issues. And alcohol and nicotine can also cause sleeping issues. Is the bedroom too hot? It may very well be simply a case of not enough room - hence a bigger mattress. We won't even get a hotel room - even for one night - with less than a queen. And we search hard for a king!

We live in south tx with the ac low as hell and fans on him. My kids are the same way too. My aunt told me once to get good set of ear plugs before I kill my husband with a cast iron frying pan. She said ear plugs saved my uncles life.

Quoting ManicAttack:

I just don't understand how someone can sweat so much in the dead of winter in northern Michigan. It's freezing ass cold!

Quoting mommyof11050307:

My husbands snoring keeps me out of bed some nights. I've been sleeping on the couch every night since oct. I was on bedrest and was up most of the night and then with my csection I was easier to get up off the couch with the baby. Before this her get mad at me since I'd sleep on the couch. I finally told him I can't sleep if he lays right next to my head and snores in my ear all night long. He's also a hot sleeper it's insane.

Yeah a full size is tiny. Which is the problem. We slept in a king a few months ago and the difference was amazing. However, it wasn't a great experience because OF COURSE I don't sleep well in places other than my home or my parents. I think the king was a bit too big. But a queen would probably work. Bed shopping next month for sure.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

You do realize that a full size mattress (double) is the width of 2 crib mattresses, right? A king is the size of two twin mattresses. We had a queen for years, and got a king a few years ago - the difference is amazing. I can't stand to have anyone touching me while I'm sleeping.

Is your husband overweight? That can cause some of the overheating issues. And alcohol and nicotine can also cause sleeping issues. Is the bedroom too hot? It may very well be simply a case of not enough room - hence a bigger mattress. We won't even get a hotel room - even for one night - with less than a queen. And we search hard for a king!

Sometmes it's cheaper to get two twins, and put them on a king sized frame. In Europe, t's common to simply push 2 twin size beds together - each with their own covers.

And is he overweight? Drink and/or smoke? These things really do make a difference. My husbad used to weigh about 40 lbs more and didn't exercis. He was ALWAYS hot, and snored as well. Lost the weight and started exercising, and no more "heater" and the snoring quit too.

He is slightly overweight but he has always been a hot sleeper. He only just gained weight the last 8 months and started going to the gym again. His son also sweats profusely and he is only 9. MIL has said all her boys ran at higher temperatures at night so I think its just how he is. I run at 97.1- that is my normal. The difference is drastic between us. I tend to keep the temp at 68 and will sometimes open a window for him. He does smoke. No alcohol regularly.

Quoting ManicAttack:

Yeah a full size is tiny. Which is the problem. We slept in a king a few months ago and the difference was amazing. However, it wasn't a great experience because OF COURSE I don't sleep well in places other than my home or my parents. I think the king was a bit too big. But a queen would probably work. Bed shopping next month for sure.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

You do realize that a full size mattress (double) is the width of 2 crib mattresses, right? A king is the size of two twin mattresses. We had a queen for years, and got a king a few years ago - the difference is amazing. I can't stand to have anyone touching me while I'm sleeping.

Is your husband overweight? That can cause some of the overheating issues. And alcohol and nicotine can also cause sleeping issues. Is the bedroom too hot? It may very well be simply a case of not enough room - hence a bigger mattress. We won't even get a hotel room - even for one night - with less than a queen. And we search hard for a king!

by Anonymous 5

January 11, 2013 at 2:18 AM

BTDT, DH and I now sleep in seperate adjoining rooms. We still a very active sex life and cuddle each night, but then I am off to my own bed. Not the ideal, but not sleeping was killing me and making us fight since I was exhausted and cranky all the time. There's nothing physically wrong with him, been for sleep testing and everything, he is just like a chainsaw with St. Vitus dance, loud and thrashing all night long.

Both sides are accessible. It was a condition I had. He likes the bed against the wall and at first that's how it was but he won't sleep against the wall because he needs his phone near him and I hate climbing over him. No thank you!

He is a heavy sleeper. Especially lately after going to the gym. He doesn't seem to notice at ALL that he is on top of me. Its only half of his body- he will fall asleep on his side then go to roll on his back and sprawls across me.

Quoting bustybee:

thats why dh and I have the pillow barrier. luckily it stops him from coming to close. I think his intention is to 'cuddle' in his sleep but I like my 'half' of hte bed lol. I read this to dh and even he wonders how your so doesn't feel you underneath him when he rolls on top of you. I really do hope the video taping works. is one end up against the wall or are both sides accessable? I was thinking that maybe if he is on hte wall side, then he can cuddle up to hte wall and maybe try to roll onto it rather than you kwim?

Quoting ManicAttack:

When he elbows me, I shove him away. He will move. But when he rolls over on me, it's impossible to get him to move back to his side. I have to push him off and then he flops right back down so I have to move away and onto the couch. It's weird that me pushing him and shoving him doesn't wake him up but getting out of bed disturbs him. He'll often times get up shortly after I do and use the bathroom. But he can fall right back to sleep- I can't!

Quoting bustybee:

my left arm has gotten pretty good at shoving him awake to tell him to roll over. and if that doesn't work, I'm allowed to pinch his nose to wake him lol.

we are not snugglers either, and we even have our own blankets lol. dh is pretty good though, if I can't sleep with his snoring he would be willing to be the one to suffer on the couch than make me :)

Quoting Irenesmommy:

I too have a king sized bed, we aren't snugglers so that's good, but no amount of space can tune out snoring

Quoting bustybee:

sigh. that is unfortunate for you. it is my favorite thing. my next recommendation would be to video tape the 2 of you sleeping and showing him how active of a sleeper he is.

Quoting ManicAttack:

Our room isn't big enough for a king size but I'm seriously considering getting a queen with tax returns. We are not well to do and planned on getting long put off things done but I think a better sleeping arrangement might be a priority now. Just means I'll have to add reorganizing the bedroom to the list so I can fit a queen in it.

Quoting bustybee:

I have a king size bed.... I love having my half. we have a body pillow divider. so nice :)