Is There Anything More Repulsive Than the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant?

No — no, there is not, which is impressive when one considers this and this and this. Ringletted, boundary-averse shock-jock Howard Stern is organizing the Tiger Woods Mistress Beauty Pageant, sponsored by the equally boundary-averse online champion of infidelity AshleyMadison.com. An ersatz Miss Universe for home-wreckers, the pageant will include the expected categories: personality (extra points for sexting chutzpah), talent (too easy) and swimsuit competitions (we’ve got a winner). But who won’t be degrading themselves for the top prize of $100,000?

Rachel Uchitel, that’s who. Her absence from the festivities doesn’t necessarily add up to spotlight aversion — after, she did let photographers in her home for to tell “her side of the story” — but rather a pesky confidentiality agreement she is rumored to have signed. But here’s the thing: when you’re one-half (or one-47th, as the case may be) of a very public adulterous imbroglio, in which sordid details and questionable reputations have already been dragged through the mud, what have you got to lose? Only six figures if you can’t fill out your bikini in front of Stern, that’s what.