Sunday, 28 October 2012

I am not a loner

Way back in the dim and distant past, as it is now, when I was in my final year at Secondary School, a report written by my Career's Teacher said I was a "Loner" and rather "Fussy". A friend of my mum's said I was a loner in discussion with my mum in the mid-1990's. I accepted this. I repeatedly stated myself that I was a natural loner - in discussion with other people and on my website. I thought it was gospel and set in stone. Now I realise this wasn't the case and that I and others who thought it about me were so wrong. This belief persisted until about five years ago but now I no longer am bothered if people still believe it.

I now realise that I am not and never was a loner. If I did appear to be one, it was just that I was very careful who I socialised and mixed with, as I am today, and who I trusted, as I do today. I always go by my instincts, and if a person or situation doesn't feel right or if I don't like the look of either, I avoid them.

I take the view that every single stranger I meet could be potential shithouse until I assess them. I like to work people out and weigh them up. You might ask how I weigh people up? I am rubbish at reading other people and their body language. This has got me into trouble throughout my life but I wouldn't say I am totally clueless because I understand the basics of it even though it does not come naturally or easily to me. However, whilst I am not very good at naturally reading people, I feel I am very good at assessing individuals. I go by gut feeling and vibes which I get about a person or situation. I might not be able to tell you why I dislike a person or a situation, or why someone is an individual to avoid. They might not have ever done anything to me, but I am very rarely wrong.

Why is it that some NT's who can read people like books are often blinded to the faults of others, tricked by or taken in by people and I rarely am, if ever? I don't follow crowds or am misled by people or causes. I don't befriend or move into the circles of shithouses, arseholes, dickheads, thieves, thugs, criminals, Heroin Addicts, hooligans, loudmouths and generally unsavoury characters. I don't want to know that kind of person let alone have them in social circle. Anyone I befriend is a law-abiding, civilised person who treats others how they would want to be treated. Perhaps I have this ability or quality to compensate for my defects in areas that come natural to NT's?

There aren't a lot of people in life I trust 100%. I don't let just anybody come into the inner sanctum of my life and anything or anyone that disrupts or threatens to disrupt the stability of my existence is ejected without a bat of an eyelid. I do trust an handful of people, such as close family members and a handful of close friends to that level. The rest get to know what I want them to know. There are people I trust in varying degrees. Some I will tell a lot of things to but not everything. There are another group of people I would give some information to, and there are others I would not trust as far as I could throw a 80-stone person.

I never put personal details on Facebook or give any information out concerning my private life. You are asking for trouble if you do that. In 2010 one of my Facebook contacts announced to all and sundry that she was going abroad on holiday. I emailed her privately and told her to take it off because someone could break into her house. She said she would be fine. What happened? The week after she went, she got burgled. People have announced on Facebook that they are throwing parties and all sorts of strangers have turned up. I wouldn't let anyone who I didn't know into my home.

That said, regarding people I am close to, I try to be totally loyal to them and would almost die for them, let alone help in any situation in life that they might find themselves having difficulty with. I do try to help a lot of people out, unless I dislike them, but more so those I am close to, who I try to stick by times good and bad. Whereas I can be totally uncaring about anybody I dislike, if you gain my trust you gain everything you can it 100% and everything with myself.

I am fine in social groups or situations with 10 to 15 individuals around me but I get mentally and sometimes emotionally overwhelmed and overloaded, or even confused if a huge amount of people are around or if a lot of noise is going off at the same time. That is one aspect of my Asperger's I hate, but there is nothing I can do about it.

So never think that someone is a loner because they are alone constantly or a billy-no-mates or unpopular if they are NOT an objectionable or unpleasant person. I know I am not a loner.